Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-08-15
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Curious and Laughab1e PhaseD
of Human Nature Graphically Por-
trayed by Eminent Word Artists OF
Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun.
Sprink1es of Spice.

Spr1nk1eS OF SPICE
It's the summer fly that bustles, ii
Till within the spiders gates.
And the spider never hustles,
But he gets there while he waits.
Truth.
Mrs. PeastraW-"How on earth did
you get yourself so dirtyY johnnie
81 was in swimmin' Truth.
$50 your papa is willing to trust me
with you, is hep Eyes. He seemed
sure you'd fetch me back to him.
Life.
Shelves, l am very fond of pets"
He-"Indeed. What, may ask, Is
your favorite animal?' She (frankly)
-'Man.'-Fashion Review.
Mack-"My wife made me present
of $50 bill yesterday" Wyld-"You're
in luck Mack-'I don't think So
have to pay Brooklyn Life.
Bachelor-"I am told that a married
man can live on half the income that a
single man requires" Married man
eyes. He has to."-New York Weekly.
Winks (who keeps house)-"We had
an old-fashioned potpie for dinner to-
day." Minks (who boards)-"We had
an old-fashioned chicken" New York
Weekly.
Boy want to buy some paper"
Dealer-"What kind Of paper?' Il
guess you better give me f1y-paper.
want to make a te"-Philadelphia
Record.
"Bingle's wife says she thinks heaven
must be something like Boston"
"What does Bingle say? "He says he
is tempted to become an agnostlc.
Washington Star.
"Villainv' she Missed, 'Deepdyed vii
lainp' The tattooed man looked hurt.
Indeed, ma'am," said he, Il hasten to
assure you that it is only skin deep.
Indianapolis Journal.
The grocer's grown so very cute
That, measuring out some plums,
He fills the vessel with the fruit
And counts in both his thumbs.
Chicago Record.
Wiggles- whats the matter with
YOU. old man?' Waggles-"Oh, several
things" Wiggles-'Well, get engaged
to one of them, and then let the rest
alone '-Somerville Journal.
Ellis-'Miss Ballad has remarka-
bly, sweet voice" Warburton-She
ought to have; it has cost me about
sixty pounds of chocolates in the last
six weeks. Boston Courier.
Bolton-"What is the difference be-
tween specialist and an ordinary
physician?" Cotton you'll know
quick enough when the specialist SENDS
in his ll."-Somerville Journal.
Guest gushing them away from hlm)
4 don't like the way you cook eggs at
this restaurant. Waiter-What's the
trouble, sir? Guest-You don't cook
them soon enough.-Chicago Tribune.
Clerk-That gentleman you sold a
bottle of hair dye to three weeks ago
was here again to-day. Druggist-Was
he after another bottle? mo, sir He
wanted to know if we kept wigs
Life.
Old lady Ito motorman on trolly carr
-"Ain't you afraid of the electricity,
MIR. Motorman?" Motorman = NO,
ma'am. amt go no call to be afraid.
I amt a conductor" = Philadelphia
Record.
"Well,'' said the camel in the circus
parade. there's some comfort for me
after ALL what do you mean" my
hump is pretty bad, but it might be
worse. / don't ride bicycle. "-Wash-
ington Star.
Guest (angrily)-What has become of
that waiter gave my order to most an
hour ago? Head Waiter--I don't know,
sah but most likely he's waitin' on
some gent wot tipped him, sah.-New
York Weekly.
Bellefield-I understand that Mrs.
SDiffins claims to be a self-made Wom-
an Bloomfield-It isn't quite true. My
wife has seen her add the finishing
touch-put on her complexion.-Pitts-
burg acknowledgement.
Hoax-That horse Of mine sets good
example that some men would do well
to follow. Joax-Why, the nag is no
good. He interferes. Hoax-That's
just it. He interferes, but only with
himself Philadelphia Record.
Cobb1e-I don't think the landlord of
the Ocean Bar House liked what / said
to him before / went in bathing. Stone
-Whatw was that? Cobble-I asked him
if there were any other sharks around.
-Harper's Bazaar.
The reason none can understand,
But examples there are plenty
One pound is the weight of the fish you
land
And the fish that escaped weighed
twenty.
Chicago Record. l.i4.Al4i II