The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-09-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

It's all up with man when he's
turned down.
Some people can keep their minds
on a mighty small object aud not feel
cramped for room.-Puck.
A large majority of those who think
they need CO axing really require club
bing. Milwaukee Journal.
Mrs. Peastraw-"How on earth did
you get yourself so dirty?" Johnny
--'I wes in swimmin'. Truth.
You can salt down your money, but
you cannot catch golden eagles by
putting salt ON their tails. Truth.
It's the summer fly that bustles.
Till within the spider gates.
And the spider never hustles,
But he gets there while he waits.
Truth.
Too many men regard death as they
do their banker, and expect ample no.
tification when their time will be up.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Inventors of college-yells can find
mine of inspiration in sitting around
listening to women talk baby-talk to
their babies. -Atchison Globe.
Isn't there some way in which we
can arrange to get our weather prop
erly mixed instead of taking the in
gradients separately ?-Troy Press.
"Our laudlady says she likes to see
her boarders have good appetites."
"Wel, I'm not surprised. Some
wcmen ale naturally cruel. Life.
Johnny must have got his gun
By exhortations goaded;
But his silence is suggestive that
He didn't know't was loaded.
Puck.
"What is the name Of that man?"
signaled one deaf mute to another.
"It's queer, but can't recall il, " was
the reply; though it is right at my
finger ends. Puck.
"Why is it," asks the Manayunk
philosopher "that when man is af-
flicted with chills and fever the ohills
always come on the cold days and the
fever on hot days?" ?"-Philadelphia
Record.
Prepared for the Worst: Edna
"Whom is Miss Golighty going to
marry?" Millie-"Old Moneybagges."
Edua-"How do you know?" Millie
-"She's having most of her trousseau
made in black. The Mourner.
Stern Father-"Do you realize,
young man, that up to the present
time it has cost me at least 81 D, 900 to
bring up aud educate that girl?"
Fond Lover-"Yes, sir; and from my
point of view should say, sir, that
she is fully worth it. "-Someryille
Journal.
The Third Time Proposal; She
(bored) d)-"No, Mr.. Lytely, l can never
love you. | honor and respect you. |
am sure you would make some other
woman good husband. l." He
"Well-er---could you--er-- give me a
letter of recommendation to my next
place ce?'-Vogue.
An Extra: Lady--"Your testi-
monials are satisfactory aud ] am will
ing to take you at the terms you ask,
namely, thirty forins, only | expect
that you will treat my children with
affection. Nursery Maid-"Allec-
tion? Then shall want five Aorins
month extra. Der Floh.
Squildig-"Did the brides father do
the correct thing when young Spud-
kins married Miss Cashbox?" Nc
Swilligen-"Woll, he gave the
bride" Squildig Gnterrupting)-
~ knew he would do something hand
some" McSwilligen (resuming)-
"He gave the bride away. "-Pittsburg
ronicle-Telograph.
"Mercy !" cried the editors wife, as
she arose in the morning to find two
windows pried open AMI the lamp
overturned in the middle of the floor.
There was burglar in tue house last
night "A burglar !" "Yes, said tue
editor with yawn, she struck us Just
before daylight, but lie was evidently
a very poor man. l only got So out
of him. You'll find it in the bureau
drawer. The keys under my pillow"
Atlanta Constitution.