The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1895-12-20
aLIMPSES DE LIFE.
==-.--
MI. Sins Octlle Father.

and into what sea does 1t empty!
PA don't konw my son.
Tommy :" You don { know, eli!
And tomorrow tho teacher will licl
me on account of your ignorance ~
London Tit Bits.
Not 10 he Misled.
"Algernon is very interesting, sac
Mr.. Cumrox's daughter
"What does he talk abont!' in
quired her father.
'Why, he's ever 40 well posted or
Shakesperean quotations.
"Young woman, said Mr.. CumroX,
"don't you let him deceive you. DON,
you let him make sport of your ig-
norance. They amt no such stock in
tie market - Washington Star.
Forgot the Ticket.
Conductor Tickets, please.
wag Cquicklyy--IIow far is it to ST.
Louis
Conductor pulling the bell rope y
Why, you're on the wrong train. st.
Louis train s gone an hour ago.
Train stops.
Wag Who said anything about a
ST. Louis train9
Conductor-Yo did Get off here
now and take "a street car back to the
depot
Wag breaking in street nothing
I'm going to Cincinnati. ! just
asked how far it was to st. Louis, and
you
But the conductor passed on without
taking up his ticket
Her HeartIess Father.
Miss Bullion Papa says we can't
be married until you are able to sup
port me.
Adorer-Great Scott! Does he want
his only daughter to die an old maid
New York Weekly.
The Bill
That's fine purse you have,
Henry"
Eyes. My wife gave it to me on my
birthday
Indeed Anything in it?''
3" Yes; the bill for the purse. IN.
\. journal.
Every Housewife should Know This.
William, she said gently, and yet
in accents of reproof, you remember
that | gave you several letters to mai
last week, don't you?'
- yes. ItIlltilutE II,
But this is the first time you have |
remembered il since gave them to
you. isn't?"
III must confess that it is How |
do you know?n
II put postal card addressed to
myself among the lot, and it hasn't |
yet reached me. 1t only cost a cent,
and | find that it is a very effective
way of keeping check on the rest of
my mail. Now, dear, if you will hand
me the letters I'll run out and post
them myself - Washington Star.
Taken for Horse.
a man who was suspected of having
stolen horse, being arrested, said
- should like to know what | am tax
an for =
Il take you for horse" said the
officer
Very well, then III act like one.
said the man, as he kicked the police
nan over, and ran off.
The Editor His Poem.
Who weeps with you when you are
sad, and laughs with you when you
are glad and swears with you when
'ou are mad: The editor. Who has
y be both kind and wise, and never
hardly ever lies, and when he does
,reate surprise? The editor Who
,wns heart as well as cheek, is pos
essed of a spirit proud but meek,
md lives on 40 cents a week. The ed
tor I The Weekly Enterprise, Hamil-
on, Va.
Careless Advertising.
1t is very difficult even for dealer
n cheap clothing to get the better of
Pat, as the following story, told by
London journal, well illustrates, saws
1arper's Round Table.
Pat was a witty Irishman, who had
ust arrived in London from the
Emerald Isle. He was aimlessly wan
ering about the town when he per
eived suit Of clothes at shop door
Inscribed: This superior suit for
alf price" So in Pat walked and in
uired the price.
Just l6 shillings, SIR replied the
hopman.
Begorra. that's chape enough ~
aid Pat. "I'll take if. -
When the parcel was tied up, he a
ut it under his arm. and laying eight
lillings on the counter, was going out
the door, when the shopkeeper in
ercepted him, and demanded another
ght shillings.
Didn't you say you spalpeen, that
he price of the suit was 16 shilings,
nj sure havn't | given you ME half -
it? And by this and by that,
on t give up my bargain -
A scuflle then ensued and Pat was
ken to the police court, where he
eaded his cause so admirably that the T,
agistrate dismissed the complaint,
nd advised the tailor never again to n
cket his goods with Half price - .
There's no doubt that Jones killed -
mself?' =
None whatever - =
What caused him to do it?'' -
; He got divorce from his wife on II
lesday, and on Thursday she fell heir
$3.50, 000." Are these the photo.
apis, | ordered?" asked the custom ~
Yes, sir replied the photographer. Y
They re paid for, believe?'' =
Yes, sir. 2
,'All right. Wrap them up. Thanks -
Good morn-say, do you think | look z
re the photographers -
On, yes the likeness is EXCELLENT" 0
Say will you do me the favor to ~
me out with me into the alley? I'd Q
Re the privilege of building a face
you like that!''
What's green Christmas, F." -
Its one of these Christmases where :
nan givs $50 gold loclet to a girl
10 knits him 10 cent yarn wristlets. =
hicago Record
He-'l come here SO frequently that
n beginning to think that you look
on me as chestnut roasted
estnut, as it were"
,ha-No NOT :, ro,etol oL..