Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-11-29
Aun1uruus 1epartment.
A TENNESSEE HUSBAND.

A lENNESOEE husband
The wife of old Jesperson Balch, o.
Coffee county, Tennessee, was arrested
on a charge of having stolen lot Of
silverware, writes Opie Read, in The
Arkansas Traveller. Balch, though not
a man of public affairs, is we'll known
in the county, and the trial attracted
many spectators. While the prosecu'
ting attorney was delivering his speech
Balch arose and said:
"Jedge, 1 wush you would sorter but
ton up the mouth of these here proceed
din's till I make er few remarks"
eff YOU have anything to say, say it.
Mr.. Balch," the sympathetic judge
answered.
"Wall, 1 have got suthin' to say
Balch replied, San 1 hope that atten'
ton will be paid to it. I amt got nc
objections to this prosecutin' attorney
doin' his duty; but when he gifts uE
here an p'intedly says that my wife
stole silver spoons, WY, I think he's
gone a little too peart in the matter
/ understand these here prosecutin
fellers putty we'll, an I know that they
believe-ur let on like they do-that
everybody that's arrested is guilty as
charged in the indictment. This mout
be business, but it amt justice an
now ledge, I claim the privilege NV
expressin' my opinion ever time he
expresses his'n. Now, sir addressing
the prosecuting attorney, you may GO
ahead with yo' cavortin'."
The prosecuting attorney resumed
his argument. "This woman did," he
went on, "enter the house of the Wild
ow Blake, on the 18th day of last
month, and did, according to the testi.
mony, then and there take, steal and
carry away"
"Liar !" said Balch.
"Did take, steal and carry"
"Liar 7" Balch repeated.
"Your honor" said the attorney,
CT cannot proceed with this case il
YOU grant this man so discourteous a
privilege" -,
"Mr. Balch," the judge remarked
"you must not use such language in
this house. Ideeply sympathsize with
you, knowing that you are greatly
distressed but 1 cannot permit you to
interfere with the course of the trial. j
"But, jedge, just think er mint
Supposen you was in my fix, no"
would you like"
awe cannot entertain suppositions,
Mr.. Balch," the judge remarked.
"Wall, then, I'll fling out suthin
that you can entertain. My wife ain't
guilty. know she amt. Cause why
I'll tell you why. I stole them spoons
myself"
"Your Honor" exclaimed the prose,
cutting attorney, ~ admire that mans
fidelity; but he has not stated the
truth, for have actual proof that he
was not in this community when the
theft was committed.
"Mr. Balch," said the judge, "your
devotion to your wife is, l must say
beautiful; but it does not justify the
law in the punishment of you for q
crime which she may have committed
but which you surely did not commit
You stand here firm statue of denial
to the now popular assertion that mar
riage is failure. admire you, honor
you and if you should be called upon
to realize, in this case, your most
serious apprehensions, you shall have
my kindliest support. Proceed with
the trial"
The case was soon submitted to the
jury. A few moments later verdict
of guilty was announced Every eye
was turned on old Balch. To the sur
prise of every one, he sprang up with
a shout.
"Jedge," he exclaimed, "they've got
her haven't they?"
ayes"
"But have they got her foul ?"
The judge stared at him.
"Ef you've got her foul, WY, then
want to say she's as guilty as Judas.
As long as there wus chance Nv git
tin out, why l had to do everything
could fur her, but now I amt ham
pered. Jedge, I am fearder NV this
woman than 1 am Nv spreadin' ad'
der. She told me that if didn't dc
everything I could to get her outen
this scrape she would pizen me-
Have you got her foul, jedge?
eyes," the astonished jurist gasped
"Then Pm all right. Whoop! You
bet III have good time as long as
she's in ther pen, an by the time she
gifts out I'll be far away from here
Whoop! Been hid down so long that
1 don't know how to enjoy my free
dom. Come on, all hands, and let's
20 to the stillhouse. Whoope! Jury
men, you air my friends, an I'll give
you barbecue as soon as my shoat:
get big enough. Whoop"
A DEEP-LAIDS SCHEME. .-"Say, there
young fellow" said Johnny Swisher tc
the gentleman who was calling on his