Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1895-10-27

The invitations to Mrs. Wiggles-
worth afternoon reception had been out
a week, the front parlor was becoming
ly set off with asparagus green and
the brightnes of autumn leaves, and it
looked as though the thing was going to
be one Of the incest social events of tho
season.
They'll begin coming at 4 o'clock, 3"
Mrs. Wtgglesworth said at dinner, and
everything is ready but the ice cream
You'll have to send up a man for that. ~
I'D like to know what for?" said Mr.
Wigglesworth.
why to freeze it, of course" eX-
planned his wife. It's awfully hard
work turning the crank an hour"
Hump" grumbled Mr.. Wiggles-
worth, who held a mans opinion con-
corning an afternoon function; seems
to me you and that hired girl might
find time to twist a galvanized iron
crank around for few minutes with
out subJecting me to extra expense.
Want TO ruin meY'
"Ellery Wigglesworth, returned his
wife, severely, do you think l am go
ing to put On my best dress and freeze
ice cream while the first ladies in town
are arriving every minute and have 10
be talked to-"
"B-a-a-h-hw commented Mr.. Wig
ellsworth; where is the freezer? I'll
show You how to make dollar"
Down in the cellar Mrs. WiggleswOrth
had got everything ready. There was
the freezer, borrowed of q neighbor,
duly filed with six quarts Of liquid, and
there were ice and salt and other things
necessary. Mr.. Wigglesworth loaded
the ice and salt into the wooden cylin-
der, and gave the crank few preiim-
mary revolutions.
Don't see anything the matter with
this, do ye?" he asked. Don't knows
you like to have a dollar saved. Rather
make folks believe you spent 4 fortune,
probably
Merrily twirled the crank, while Mrs.
Wiggleswortn crowded in some more
pounded ice.
Regular picnic this is said Mr..
Wigglesworth, side Of the old churn
l used to work when l was a boy.
Mother used to keep me at it all the
time. Said that one good churn de-
served another-he, he, hew
What did she mean by that? Mrs.
Wigglesworth innOcently asked.
What did she mean by that?' tartly
retorted Mr. Wigglesworth, whose mus
cles began to feel it; what does anybody
mean by anything? Can't We under
stand joke when it is shown to y0u?'
Il don't see any joke in your mother
saying that one good churn deserves
another" Mrs. Wigglesworth persisted.
If she had one churn l should think
that would be nice, but how could IL de-
serve
"Y-a-h-hr snarled Mr.. Wiggles-
worth, grinding sayagely away; whats
the use to try and have any fun with
you? You couldn't see a joke if it was
pasted on the end Of the Lick telescope
Quit tanning in that icer he shouted
as the machine went a trifle harder;
want to stop the thing?
at amt me" Mrs WiggleswOrth
mildly rejoined, cts the cream begin
ming to harden.
Great lot you know about it, grum-
bled her husband, pausing to wipe the
perspiration from his brow.
Mrs. Wigglesworth said she must
now go and dress" and with a few en-
couraging words she vanished up the
stairs. Mr.. Wigglesworth turned On,
pausing now and then to mop off his
forehead and mutter things to himself.
Every man of a weak and yielding ma
ture who has allowed himself-Once-to
be bound to the chariot wheels of the
fee cream freezer can recall with ghast-
" clearpess how the lemon-coiored mix
ture on the interior Of the tin can, after
reaching a certain degree Of hardness,
appears TO be content to remain there.
Round and round spun the handle,
Mr.. Wigglesworth pausing at intervals
to glOomily contemplate the growing
blisters on the palms of his hands.
Overhead he could hear the shutting
Of feet as visitors arrived and went
stifiy through the ceremonies Of intro
duction.
20, Ellery," hoarsely walled Mrs.
Wigglesworth, rushing halfway down
the stairs, cant you hurry up? Every
bodys coming and it's dreadful to give
them only tea, and they looking around
and wondering what the table is for
with dishes on it, and no ice cream
What We s'pose 1 care?" returned
Mr.. Wigglesworth, wanting to yell, but
forced to keep his voice under; think
I've got nothing to do but prance around
here twisting a blamed old hand organ?
You go on back and shake hands with
the rest Of them false-crimp females,
will We. and let me alone!'
What is that singular rumbling
noise?" asked one OF the guests little
later
Il don't hear anything" faltered
Mrs. Wigglesworth, forcing a distorted
smile into her face.
q hear something" said another
guest. a thin little woman with an In
quistive nose. "Hark!'
The roomful of ladies CONCEALED into
silence. There was small need Of Mrs.
Wigglesworth's assimilation. From be-
Meath their feet, mufIled by the carpeted
floor. came a strange series Of noises,
the burr Of machinery, it might be,
punctuated by a grunting sound as Of
a railroad engine getting under way.
and now and then a thud like a man
falling out of a balloon and alighting
on the roof Of a Presbyterian church
Burglars" lucidly cried a fat wo-
man In a red dress; they're boring
their way in through the cellar wall!'
And she stood up in a chair.
Then, Just as everybody was turning
pale and getting ready to talk all at
once. the mixture which for two hours
had gone on making Mr.. Wigglesworth
madden. suddenly went thick. and the
dasher. revolving slower. quickly eX-
t-,,c-.od bic rom aiming strength