davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
a Cute Justice.

1t was the law of the village that all
shOwmen, itinerants and organ grind
ers must get liceuse before doing busi.
ness there.
One day Cat policeman, who had
been on the force about six months
without doing anything, concluded il
was time he arrested somebody.
Soon afterward along came an Italian
with performing bear.
"Hev yez got yer license?' asked the
policeman.
"No," sail the exhibitor of the bear.
'Then Yer my priz' 'nerS," said the
policeman, and he triumphantly march
ed off with them to the village station
house, he leading the bear,
Arraigned before the police justice,
the Italian plead guilty, and the Judge
officially gave him most severe and
scorching lecture on the enOrmity oI
his Otiense, ending by filming him $40
the full extent of the law.
The culprit had a lot of small chang,
in his pocket, but being mostly pennies
and niclSels it only counted up to 81 80
For few moments the judge was in
quandry. He didn't want to send
the fellow TO Jail nor yet lose the $40.
Presently a bright idea struck him
a happy solution of the problem-and
he said:
''Here, officer, take this fellow out to
the market place and let him perform
with his bear until he makes up the
balance, and when he gets it drive him
out of town. ."-Bu1dto Ne,cs.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
a Peppery Queen.

Here Is an amusing incident of stage
life. A certain actress, having been
disengaged for some time, had packed
her wardrobe in pepper to preserve il
from moths. She was suddenly called
upon to take part of the queen of
Hamlet"
Being rather late for her first scene
she omitted to shake out her royal
robes, and her dignified entrance had
an astonishing effect.
The king, after brave resistance,
gave vent to a mighty sneeze that we'll
nigh made the stage vibrate. All the
royal courtiers and maids of honor fol-
lowed suit sympathetically. Hamlet
came on with most sublime tragedy
air, but after a convulsive movement of
his princely features he buried them in
his somber robe, while sneeze after
sneeze was all the public heard from
him.
Amid the hubbub on the stage and
the shrieks of delight from the audi
ence, the stage manager, between the
sneezes, rang down the curtain.-
London Trsf- Bits.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
NOTHING LIKE TT.
DR.. Kennedy's Fayorite Remedy
Makes Another Remarkable
Cure.

From the Times Union, Albany, y. y
-Four years ago, Mrs. Markham, who
resides on First street, corner of North
Swan, noticed n sensitive spot on her
left limb. 1t was apparently nothing
serious, but soon developed into sore,
and before long the limb was a mass of
ulcers. Mrs. Markham employed
some of our best physicians, but OBJ
tanned no relief. In fact, was told that
nothing could be done for her. so for
four years she suffered with these
dreadful ulcers, which had eaten their
way to the bone.
n little less than year ago, an ac-
quaintance told her about DIR. David
Kennedy's Favorite Remedy, and that
he believed she would find relief in us
ing it. Mrs. Markham's four years of
suffering had made her skeptical, the
more so, rs she had obtained no relief
from any of the physicians who had
attended her.
The friend offered to send her a bot
tie Of DIR. Kennedy's Favorite Remedy
if she would try it. He did so, and
there was such decided improvement
that she concluded to give the remedy
fair test. To-day, not quite a year af-
ter taking the first dose, the ulcers
have disappeared, all that is left to
show what she has suffered, is swell
ing on the ankle of the left limb, which
is fast disappearing.
Mrs Markham is naturally strong in
her praises of DIR. David Kennedy's
Favorite Remedy, and feels that but
for it she would now be helpless Grip
pie, if not a corpse.
Such straight forward endorsement
needs no comment, DIR. Kennedy's
Favorite Remedy cures diseases when
taken according to directions, it acts
directly upon the kidneys, liver and
blood. In eases of nervousness, dys-
pepsia, rheumatism, ulcers, old sores,
blood poisoning and Bright's disease,
it has made pronounced cures, after all
other cures have failed.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Running Ears and Deafness Can be
Cured.

What has been done hundreds of
times, can be done again.
Mr.. A. b. Cooper, of CooperlaIe
(near Johnstown, Pa, had discharge
from one ear with polypus, since
childhooi-fully 30 years. Hearing of
the cure of DIR. \. B. Travis, Bellevue,
Pa, by DIR. Sadler, S0i Penn ave,
Pittsburg, he wrote DR.. 7. TO see if true,
and rs a result, went under treatment
and is also perfectly cured of all dis
charge, hears conversation we'll and a
watch six inches.
Mr. Samuel r. Stone, 10 Seventh
ave, Pittsburg, same is above, % years
cured.
Miss Lottie Chambers, Leechburg,
Pa, 10 years, cured.
Mrs. VIM. King, Buena Vista, Pa,
from a child, cured.
Peter Strong, Market House restau-
rant, McKeesport, Pa, enc year, cured.
WTite aud see If true.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Four Big Successes.

Having the needed merit to more
than make good all the advertising
claimed for them, the following four
remedies have reached a phenomenal
sale. DIR. Kings New Discovery, for
consumption, coughs and colds, each
bottle guaranteed. Electric Bitters,
the great remedy for liver, stomach
and kidneys. Bucklen's Arnica Salve,
the best in the world, and DIR. Kings
New Life Pills, which are a perfect
pill All these remedies are guaran-
teed to do just what is claimed for
them and the dealer whose name is
attached herewith will be glad to tell
you more of them. Sold at Snyder's
drug store, Somerset, Pa, or at Bral-
lier's drug store, Berlin, Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Marvellous Results.

From letter written by J. Gunder-
man, of Dimondale, Mich, we are per-
mitted To make this extract: AZ have
no hesitation in recommending DIR.
Kings New Discovery, as the results
were almost marvellous in the ease of
my wife. While | was pastor of the
Baptist Church at Rives Junction, she
was brought down with pneumonia
Succeeding Ia grippe. Terrible parox-
ysms of coughing would last hours
with little interruption and it seemed
as if she could not survive them. A
friend recommended DIR. Kings New
Discovery; it was quick in its work
and highly satisfactory in results.~
Trial bottles free at Snyder's drug
store, Somerset, Pa, or at Brallier's
drug store. Berlin. Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Unnecessary to Specify Which Noon.

Two young ladies on the street car
were discussing an approaching mar
riage, apparently obliyious of ali else
that was passing, and this was the con-
versation as overheard by others on the
car:
''The invitations are just out, under
stand.u
''Yes. got mine to-day"
AT what hour IS the ceremony to
take place
'The invitation reads, noon
"'High noon,' you mean"
"No. The invitation simply reads,
noon It's taken for granted that ev-
cry one will know it means high noon
She's too aristOcratic TO be married at
low noon. .'-DetrOH Free Pres. ~
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Sensations in Illness.

"It is curious" said man yesterday,
| 'the various sensations a man eSperie-
nces when he goes To see a doctor or a
dentist. There is long, preliminary
siege of mental agony, alternately exaS-
gerting and belittling your ailment,
until finally in moment of despera-
ton you decide To go and see what is
the matter anyway. Perhaps you have
a cold, which has settled on the lungs
and developed troublesome cough
that keeps you awake nights. The
cough itself is not so bad as the terrible
possibilities il suggests. Visions ofswift
demise from pneumonia or slow vast
ing away with consumption rise up be
fore your eyes, and every whecze and
cough confirms these terrible premoni-
tions. If you could, You would go then
in hurry, bat in the morning you feel
better.
The cough is still there, but the ter
rors of the imagination have fled before
the daylight, 50 you put it off another
day. But finally you decide to go, and,
with firmness born of despair, march
up to the medical mans door to learn
your fate. III ease Of toothache every
one knows how a tooth Will hop and
jump and smart all day until you get
to the dentists and then calm down so
quiet and painless that you can't tell
which one was aching. il is the same
way with cough or other ailment. As
you go up to the door you secretly hope
that the doctor is not at home. You
pull the doorbell gently, and half wish
you had not come. Then the funniest
part of it all is how mad you will get
when you find the doctor is not at home,
and feel as if you had been cheated out
of one of your dearest hopes. y VASE
ington Post.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

Frank Shepardson, an engineer on
the Southern Pacific Ry., who resides
at Los Angeles, Cal, was troubled
with rheumatism for long time. He
was treated by several physicians, also
visited the Hot Springs, but received
no permanent relief until he used
Chamberlain's Pain Balm. He says il
is the best medicine in the world for
rheumatism. For sale by Benford's
Pharmacy.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
He Knew All About It.

Farmer jerks is a man who is So de
sirous of being considered infallible
that he viii suffer great inconvenience
rather than relinquish that claim.
"He'd ruther have his own way than
eat when he's hungry" says his wife,
who, after long years of contention and
final yielding, has learned to know
him we'll
Not long ago Farmer jerks injured
one of his fingers 50 severely that he
was obliged to leave his wor,. azi go
home to have it dressed.
"Ill tell you what, Jane" said he to
his wife, that fingers got to come
Off"
"No, 'twon't either, father" said she
soothingly. ''Pve seen plenty hurts
worse'n that"
"Jane, / tell you twill Don't you
s'pose 1. know what to expect of my
own finger?"
The dispute ran high, and rs usual
tlt luSigtliu iisiu lile last NnTu.
Days went on and the finger grew
worse rather than better, until at last il
reached such state that the doctor
was called. He had not been in the
room fifteen minutes when r armer
jerks summoned his wife.
Jane said he 'cOme here; come
right here. What do You s'pose he
says? ~
"Well, ] guess by the way you're
smilin' he says it's all right" said she,
also beginning to smile i'm relief. II
must say am glad Your foreiinger,
and on the right hand 1t didn't seem
10 me | could be reconciled if it had to
come Off
"But that's just it," interrupted her
husband, still smiling in triumph and
looking at her with sparkling eyes, ''i'ts
got to come off and L told you 50 ?''-
Youths COBspda ion.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Bucklen's Arnica Salve.

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever
sores, letter, chapped hands. chilbiains,
corns and all skin eruptions, and posi-
lively cures piles or no pay required.
1t is guaranteed 10 give perfect satis-
fiction or money refunded. Price %
cents per box. For sale by J. y. Sny-
der, Somerset, Pa, or at G. w. Bral-
lier's, Berlin, Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Be Your Own Doctor.

For one dollar get a bottle of Mayors
Magnetic Catarrh care. II viii last for
three mcnths and Is absolutely guaran-
teed by your druggist.
Doctors say the only way TO cure Ca
taFrh and Hay Fever is by limitation.
We have worked for years to accomplish
good simple method for inhaling medi-
cine, and offer Mayors Magnetic Catarrh
Cure, which is used by this new method,
to the pubic. and guarantee IL to cure any
ease. 10 matter Of how long standing.
One bottle is all you need 10 accomplish
a cure. 1t VIII last for three months.
ASK yoar druggist or address
THE MAYERs' DRUG Co.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
He Had Done Both.

Doverspike was married. His friend
Giddings contemplated matrimony.
~ suppose" said Giddings, ''that il
comes trifle hard to face girls faith
er and ask him for the hand of bis
daughter?n "WeIl, yes" replied DO
verspike, renectiveIy. at does come
rather difficult, but it isn't marker to
facing the mother Of a girl yen have
been courting for year or 80, after YOU
have concluded that you like some
other girl better when you meet the odd
lady accidentally some time after
breaking with the daughter"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Two Valuable Friends.

/. A physician can not always bt
had. Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Sprains
Bruises and Burns occur often and
sometimes when least expected. keeT
handy the friend of many households
and the destroyer of all pain, the ia-
nous Red Flag Oil, p cents.
>. Many precious life could be
saved that is being racked to death
with that terrible cough. Secure 4
good nights rest 10y investing y cents
for bottle of Pan-Tina, the great rem
edy for coughs, colds and consumption.
Bottles OF Pan-Tina sold at G.. W. Ben
ford's drug store.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Word to the Wise is Sufficient

] suffered terribly from roaring in
nay head during an attack of catarrh,
and because very deaf, used Ely's
Cream Balm and in three weeks could
hear as we'll as ever.-A. T.. Newman,
Grazing, Mich.
One Of my children had very bad
discharge from the nose Physicians
prescribed without benefit. After us.
ing Ely's Cream Balm a short time the
disease was eured.-0. \. Cary, Corn.
ing, =. y.
Price of Cream Balm is 80 cents.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
THY WAY, NOT MINE


Thy way. no; mine. o Lord,
However dark IL be,
Lead me by Thine own hand.
Choose out the path for me-
Smooth let it be OF rough,
IL win be still the best,
winding or straight, il leads
Right onward to Thy rest
! dare not choose my lot
I would no; il ] might
Choose Thou for me. my God
50 shall ] walk Alright
The kingdom that ! see
Is thine; so let the way
That leads 10 it be Thine,
Else / must surely stray
Take Thou my cup and il
With joy or sorrow ill
As best to Thee may seem,
Choose Thou my good and ILL.,
Choose Thou for me my friends,
Nv sickness or my healthf
Choose Thou my cares for me,
NJ poverty or wealth.
Not mine. not mine the choice,
In things both great and small,
BE Thou my guide. my strength,
Nv wisdom ana my all.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

''If you must know, ma'am," said
the doctor, ''youF husband won't live
twenty-four hours longer" Good
graeiols?n calculated the broken
hearted woman, "and here you've
gone and prescribed medicine enough
for five days -
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

'Hcre, this horse is blind. Why did
YOU tell me it's sight was good ~
II didn't. | said it's sight was never
better, and it's gospel truth. The horse
was born blind.n
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
Speech Restored.

For five years I suffered with pain and
discharge of the throat, hacking congh.
frontal headache, weak eyes, etc. at times
could not talk above a whisper: lost
weight continually, and not able to be at
work l was treated by the best phvsi-
clans Ia the country. but received no re-
lief After giving up al hope I was rec
ommended to use a bottle of Nsyers'
Magnetic Catarrh Cure. Afler using il
for four weeks my speech returned. All
symptoms of catarrh have disappeared
and 4 feel like a differen; person."
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

He-I wish | were star.
She-I wish you were comet.
He-Why?
Shelf you were a comet you would
only come around once in thousand
years.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

Ford TO the ground. He then fell on
the PROSTATE man like tiger spfinging
on his prey. His fingers which were
wrapped round Ford's throat, tighten
ed like a vice. Ford tried to fight, but
Bob held him as powerless as baby.
He struggled manfully for mastery, his
ewes bulged from their sockets, and his
face grew black before he sank TO the
ground conquered.
The crowd of woodsinen who bad
stood stupified with amazement at the
tura of affairs had taken, seeing their
champion helpless rushed at Bob, who
sprang away from the helpless Ford
and drawing his revolver faced the an
cry mob and yelled, stop where you
are. will kill the first man who
touches me-" They stopped as if by
magic. Lowering his voice he ad-
dressed them in an appeal for fair
play:
AZ have not come here to hurt you or
yours - he said. Il was sent here 10
take charge This mill has not paid
since it started. You think the own
ers of it are making a fortune. Wen
they are not. They have invested an
enormous sum of money trying to
make this plant pay, and have failed.
Why? Because you, whom they have
been feeding and clothing for years,
have used every underhand way possi-
bile 10 hurt them. They have failed be-
cause they have had such men to deal
with as that coward there" As he
said this he vehemently pointed to
Ford. "Still such men as he are sup
ported by the mill, and 800 other men
are employed by it daily. What would
they and their families do were it not
for the Yankee Mill? If il closes where
will these 500 be able to find employ
ment? The wages paid by the Yankees
amounts to over S200,0 coo year. What
other enterprise brings half that
amount of money into the county?
When came here the owners were
about to close the mill. ] agreed tc
make it pay or forfeit my salary. If /
fail you and your families will 90 hun
gry. If succeed there viii be plenty
of work here for all for years to come,
and TO succeed l need your help. l
need legs. Now, will you oppose nae
or help me?'
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

"Did YOU remember to answer the
door as | told you Briget?'
"Bridget-''i sat i'y it all the after
noon, ma'am, an never word did il
spake.n
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

Nailor-"Why do they call ship
she? ~
Sailor Because it takes mighty
good man To handler her"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
SPECIAL NOTICE.

That | VIII sell, until further notice. the
following goods at the old prices. regard
less Of the advance of 20c per gallon tax
by the government: IA. pure rye, =
years. SEQ per gallon; Tippecanoe. =
years. 30; Old Cabinet, years, $50 per
gallon; Bridgeport and ThompsOn's pure
rye, years, $50 per gallon; Finch, Col
den Wedding, Gibson's. Robinson Co..
Bourbon, $40 per gallon: Hannisville.
Dcugherty, Monticello. u years. $3.50 per
gallon. California wines dry and sweet.
from s5c per gallon to SI.50; L distinct
brands; my own importation. sherry
and Port wine from $50 u S-;jG per gal
Ion; also the finest IriSh and Scotch
whiskie> at lowest wholesale rates. Call
or send for special price list at
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

Bob stopped to hear their reply.
Ford, who had just recovered from the
effects of his defeat, stepped up to him
saving: "You can't work your high
flown gab on these men. They knows
| am the only man that can run these
woods, and there is no smooth-tongued
Yank going to dictate to me. If you
uns try to load any logs here, | plant
you, suTeI'
Bob eyed Ford quietly and replied,
"why wait until tomorrow? Let's have
it over with at once. have my reyol-
ver, draw yours and let's see who is the
best man."
''You have the drop on me-" retorted
Ford. "You are afraid TO fight square.
Bob lowered his revolver, saying, 81
will fight you any way you may
name" ''You will?n yelled Ford.
''Then | will fight you with black
snake whips" Agreed" replied
Bob.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
The Little Ones

Should be carefully considered, es-
pecially when they contract coughs or
colds. Group is the demon of child
hood, as many fond mother knows.
Do not allow a cough or cold to run on.
Whether young or old, it may be the
forerunner of an untimely death. We
can confidently recommend all read
ers TO use Psn-Tina, the celebrated REM
edy for coughs, colds and consumption,
costs p and 80 cents. Pan-Tina is sold
at Benford's drug store.
Mother-You are at the foot of the
spelling class again, are you?
Boy-Yes'm.
Mother-How did that happen?
Boy got too many rs in scissors.
"Young man, don't yo know you
ought to lay something 10y for rainy
day?" 81 do; my rubbers."
To have perfect health you must have
pure blood, and the best way to have
pure blood is to take Hoods Sarsapa-
rilla.
Boy-They want you up to Mrs.
Jones house i'm hurry.
DOctor-What's the matter?
Boy-Mrs. Jones is dead.
Bilious Collie.
Persons who are subject to attacks of
bilious collie will he pleased to know
that prompt relief may be had by TAX
ing Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera and
Diarrhea Remedy. 1t acts quickly
and can always he depended upon. In
many eases the attack may be prevent
ed by taking this remedy as soon as
The first indication of the disease ap-
pears. p and 30 cent bottles for sale
by Benfsrd's Pharmacy.
Judge-What made you turn burg
lar?
Tramp am 50 fat that people refus-
ed to give me food.
''We take pleasure in recommending
Chamberlain's Cough Remedy because
ii is praised by all who try it," says j.
w. Cox x Son, druggists, Marshfield,
Oregon. No one afflicted witha throat
or lung trouble can Use this remedy
without praising Ii. 1t always gives
prompt relief. 1t is especially valua-
BILE for colds as it relieves the lungs,
makes breathing easier and aids expec-
toration. y cold will never result in
pneumonia when this remedy is taken
and reasonable care exercised. For
sale by Benford's Pharmacy.
Kicksey-'I wish | had never
learned to play poker 1 always
lose.n
Mrs. Kicksey-"Maybe you didn't
learn, dear.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03
THEY SETTLED II
WITH SNAKE WHIPS

4 duel of to-day is looked upon ordi-
narily in the light of a farce. All the
satisfaction derived from one, if IT be
satisfaction, is ridicule. In the year
1890 witnessed one that was far re-
moved from the nature of farce. 1t
was a remarkable illustration OF the
way i'm which man can face man in
deadly combat. 1t was also beyond
doubt the most brutal affair have eV-
er witnessed, and occurred near the
town ofQuitman, Georgia This place
will be remembered "a the scene OF the
late bloody race war in that state.
About sixteen miles from the town
there is large lumber mill called the
Yankee Mill. The plant had been run
ming down for some time, 50 "A new
manager WAS brought from the north
to take charge. He was a quiet, un;s-
suming fellow, but what he said went,
or there was trouble. He was heartily
disIiked from the first. The fact OF his
being a "1ank" was sufficient 70 bring
upon him the displeasure of the peo-
pie of the vicinity. In that part OF
Georgia it was considered crime TO
come from s'north of the line | once
heard the prosecuting attorney OF
Qaitman, when addressing jury, try
ing one of the employees of the mill fol
working on Sunday, declare with great
emphasis, as if il were an ofiense.
"Why, gentlemen, this man comes
from New Jersey" Bat Bob Hammel
had been sent to manage the mill, and
he was going to do it, no matter where
he came from. In few weeks those
employed in it found that he was going
to rule as absolute and undisputed
master Of all he surveyed. They,
therefore, submitted one and all and
soon the mill was running up to the
$4,000 feet per day mark of lumber cut
Even the naturally lazy negroes found
they had to hustle. Bob was here,
there aud everywhere. He knew more
about mill than all the foreman COM
bined.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

Songs have the power 10 quiet
The restless pulse OF care,
And come like the benedietion
That follows after prayer.
II you are worn out by that hacking
cough, and want good nights rest,
try Pan-Tina, the great remedy for
coughs, colds and consumption, p and
80 cents. Pan-Tina Is sold at Benford's
drug store.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1895-04-03

For rates, maps. &c. call on Ticket AGENTS or
address Thos. +. Watt, L. A. w d., 10 fIth
Avenue, Pittsburg, Pa.
:. ". Provost, j. r. Wood
Gen'l Manager. Gcn'l Pass. Agt.