Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1895-03-07

,NMfNN that hope to make
~T't and retain friends,
are written primarily
out of experience and conviction. Every
one Of them the writer fondly hopes
contains at least mcdicum of practical
sense philosophy or truth applicable to
real life. Yet, for the most part, this
has to be taken on faith, and really it
might in many cases be difficult, if not
impossible, despite the utmost sincerity
Of conviction, to cite actual everyday
instances exemplifying propositions set
down as automatic. Moreover, the rap
port between writer and reader is vague,
considering the oftentimes intimate ma
ture of the subjects discussed between
them. Writings for the press are but
scattered leaves, or, to indulge in a
very ambitious comparison, seeds tossed
to the wind, to fall upon good ground
or rocky, as the wind listeth. Are ones
ideas really disseminated to any pur-
pose? Does the good article do any good?
And obveTsely, in the case of the article
we were dubious about, are out worst
fears realized? Who can tell? Nobody
unless it be now and again chance ac-
quaintance who reads and then IAN
swers back. That is what correspond
ent has done apropos of some recent
remarks of mine about unhappy mar
riages, and he does it in so happy a
vein-to say nothing of his corrobora-
tion of my own opinions-that 1 feel it
privilege to embody his letter here
with. The writer is an established and
prosperous merchant Of New York city.
In spare moment today" he says,
II read in a newspaper letter written
by you and headed Idols Made of Clay,
referring TO the infelicities of married
life. 1t should be read by every young
man of 10 years and over, as it gives
the reason for so much unhappiness. If
every man were as pure in his life as he
expects the woman to be, there would
be marvellous difference in the health
Of children, and that alone would add
much to the sum Of happiness. When j
sat down to dinner ON Christmas day
with my ten children around me (from
s months to "a years old, all well and
hearty and the dear mother as young
looking as many girls of 20, could not
but think of why we were SO blessed.
Shall | give you one reason which came
into my mind? met my wife when she
was a girl of IL, schoolboy Of l5,
and from that day to this have never
allowed myself to live one iota below
the level of the life ! expected her to
live We have never lost child, never
had quarrel, and with us married life
has been for % years worth living"
Is not this charming? Is it not reas-
suring? Here at last, at this end Of
century not at all distinguished for
philosophio content in its human gener-
ations, is the truly happy man for whom
the ancient monarch advertised in vain
His happiness stands out the more
strongly in relief, as contrasted with
marriage, for i'll assorted marriages and
preoipitate divorces are the bane Of
modern society.
My correspondent was not only posi-
tive in testifying to his own felicity,
but equally so in accounting for it. And
unquestionably he is right-as far as
his individual case is concerned. This
demand for more equitable division of
moral responsibility between husband
and wife, particularly in regard to what
is called personal purity, was the main
point in my former pages to which at
tention has been called. But this after
all is only one branch Of one side of the
which might be said to women concern
ing this matter on their side of it
1t may not be amiss here, however,
to throw overheard the heavier ballast
Of moral ethics and devote some atten-
tion to trihes. / mean those trifies
which, under cover of indifference and
neglect, grow to bo momentous and in
the long run work as much ruin to do
mestic peace as the cardinal sins them
selves. When one thinks Of the real
calamities in which occasionally pro-
pitious marriages are shipwrecked and
proud, sensitive natures sundered, to
live in despairing solitude ever after,
how shamefully trivial appear the great
majority of the divorce cases which,
alas, are such frequent and familiar
matters of observation.
1t is evidently a mistake to suppose
that the generality Of divorces are at
tributable to the most serious cause An
eminent sociologist who has investigat
ed this point i'll our own country quotes
letters from number of lawyers and
other professional men especially quail
fed to give opinions ON the subject
They agree in saying that, while ''coun-
sci often suspect impurity as the cause
of divorce where it is not alleged
great many divorces occur in which
they are convinced beyond possibility of
q reasonable doubt that infidelity can
not have anything to do with the case
One says that any estimate of the pro-
portion of divorces where disloyalty
does not exist would be untrustworthy,
but it is large. Others say that adultery
probably does not exist in a majority Of
cases Their opinion, in the exact
words of one of them, is thst ''the
cause of divorce in the very large ma
jority of cases is the petty quarTels be-
tween the parties. - And whoever has
paid any attention to the matter knows
that there is great deal in this latter
cause Byron's significant remark to
Moore apropos Of his own celebrated
case was that the real cause of his sep
aration from Lady Byron was 'tootriv-
ial ever to be found out"
If men generally set up for the wom-
en- they marry far higher standard
than they ever think of applying to
themselves, it is also true that the COM
mon error of these wives is to expect
too much of marriage. Too often they
seem to think that as soon as this Ru-
bicon is crossed everything will go mag
ically right, and they will live happi-
ly ever after. Why, disillusion Is one
Of the first conditions Of conjugal con-
tentInenti II ideals were Hasped at the
outset. they would furnish no incen-
tive e.. +kaf azx.s~{rex 1k~xxuxla ara saIP