Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-11-28

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"'Tis 10 p. m.,'' the maid exclaimed,
But useless did it prove
He didn't seem to understand
That p. M: means please move"
Truth.
why, professor, you have two um-
brellas.''
That's all right. expect to lose one
of them" -Fligende Blaetter.
Will somebody please tell us why
our lawmakers are never arrested for
passing worthless bills? Boston Tran
script.
wasn't the bride delightfully."- TIM
fd?" Every. She was even shy ten
years when it came to giving her age"
Indianapolis Journal.
Shelf I had my live to live over
again Hell thought that's what
you were doing; you said you were %.
-Yonkers Statesman.
A mine is like a woman's dress;
Oft when you hunt around,
1t takes a year OF two before
The pocket can be found.
New York Herald
by Jove, / left my pocketbook under
my pillow" "Oh. well, your servant is
honest isn't she?' That's just it
she'll take it right up to my wife,.
Chicago Record.
num-Remember, if anybody
calls am in to nobody. Servant (sotto
vOice)-Well, this is the first time I
ever saw you when you weren't into
somebody Philadelphia Record.
Marriage, we own, is lottery,
Yet here great difference lies;
There are times when we do not envy
The man with the capital prize.
Judge.
Young Wife tat the fancy ball)-
You're improving wonderfully as a
dancer. Don't you remember how you
used to tear my dresses? Young hus-
band-Y-e-s; wasn't buying 'em then.
Boston Globe.
Papa (enrageD- Why, Constantine,
daughter, I've never, in all my life, seen
as soft, green, unsophisticated,' spoony
an idiot as young Puddington Nam
ma (empha tically)--I have!- Cleveland
Plaindealer.
II can see no reason said the S. p P.
A. boarder, why it should be thought
advisable to dock a horses tall Prob
ably" suggested the Cheerful Idiot,
they are locked for being behind
Indianapolis Journal.
I'm sorry now, mamma sobbed
Bobby, that / stole those apples"
"Oh, YES said his mother, your con-
science hurts you, does it?" NO" re-
turned Bobby, Its my stomach that
hurts New York Herald.
Miss Antique-People are always
talking of self-made men. l wonder
why they never speak of self-made
woman? Miss Austere - Because a
self-made woman generally doesn't like
to have it known.-Harper's Bazaar.
When he asked for her hand she re-
piled, NO, George; my heart is quite
at your service; but think had bet
ter keep my hand myself. 1t might be
useful to me in case you couldn't sup
port me, you know'-Boston Tran
script
Daughter-This piano is really my
very own, isn't it, pa? Pa-Yes. my
dear. "And when l marry l can take
it with me, can I?' Certainly, my
child; but don't tell any one 1t might
spoil your chances New York Week
ly.
Father-You may as well give up
thinking about that young man, Dash
ing. He does not love you. Daughter
How do You know, papa? Father
met him at the club just now, and he
refused to lend me a fver-Boston
Globe.
He-I come here so frequently that
I'm beginning to think that you look
upon me as a sort of CHESTNUT roast
ed chestnut, as it were. She-No, not
a roasted chestnut. When chestnut
is roasted 1t pops.-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
~ wonder" said the man who was
about to start to Atlanta, 'if I'd bet
ter take a heavy oyercoat along?"
You will not need it" replied the man
who had been there, "but you'd better
take heavy pocketbook. &C Chicago
Tribune.
Housekeeper-You don't look as il
J,oI xv<,.,.x1olf e.. :,
Tramp-Please, mum, TIL doctors say
tn proper time to battle is two hours
after a meal, and haven't had any
thing you call a meal in six weeks
New York Weekly.