The Irish standard., 1895-05-25
Flashes of Wit.

u y
| The fiend already has begun
TO ask list hot enough?'
| Woman is bound to be contrary. She
! is now earring her neekties Oh the back
of her neck ", a,,t. M. GA ast
| Church fairs, declares the Rams
Horn, are devices to make the goats
pay for the pasturage Of the sheep.
| A New Jersey man has invented a
suspender button that will not pull off.
| This will be glad tidings to the emanci-
pated woman.
anyway" said the cornfed philoso-
| pher, when the women get into con-
gress you won't hear any more OF that
Z pause for 8, reply chestnut. They
won't pause. No"
ssHave you heard that the big sleeves
are going out, George, idear?''
eyes, my love, have, but | don't be-
lieve it,
"Why not, pray?'
| 81 don't believe they can get through
the door"
"A pair of twins was born in the vi
entity of Boot1e a. bright boy set about
to try to name them. He said: will
they be called Peter?" But no, his
mother would not listen to the name
Peter, Then he said, s'Let them be
called Max and Climax. '3"ro'' she said,
"they are both little girls, SO we cannot
! name one of them Max" Then he said,
after much thought, Let them be called
| Kate and Duplicate. After that his
head was bandaged and he was sent
out to play.
A T1ibernian gentleman told a friend
studyinp for the priesthood: hope
may live to hear you preach my funeral
sermon Another expressed the CRATE
full sentiment: MAY you live to eat TT
chicken that scratches over your grave
A physician said oracularly OF muir
dered man: '.The person was so ill that
if he had not been murdered he would
have died half an hour before. A lady
| In her will ordered that her body should
be opened at her death, for fear she
should be buried alive. N
A commercial traveller tells this story
to a Chicago paper: While travelling In
Montana on the old stage line running
between Ogden and Helena met a
sweet young married couple who never
had been in these parts before. At the
dinner table. the conversation between
them ran thus: ..Pass me the butter.
love- "Help me to the salt, dearle,
Hand me the potatoes, darling, etc.
The stage driver and barn helper, who
always eat with the passengers at the
same table, became Disguised with such
talk and decided to mock them, so the
driver. said: "Jim, pass me the cheesie
Weezie = asi 5%s:s.5y
This of course broke us all up, and
YOU could have heard us all roar with
laughter. whether the loving couple
hardly knew whether to join us in the
merriment or not. ls
Minneapolis is celebrated the world
over for the quality and excellence OF
the -four manufactured here, and for its
immense lumber output It is also cele-
brated for the quality Of lager beer
manufactured In this line the product
of the Minneapolis Brewing Company
leads all others for purity, strength and
excellence Three famous brands Of
beer are manufactured by this company,
known as Gilt Edge. Extra Pale and
Wiener. The first named gis q superior
article, and is their latest success. Gilt
Edge has obtained an immense sale,
owing to It's popularity as q beverage
among those who are able to Judge the
good and bad qualities OF table beer.
Every family should be supplied with 9
case. Telephone 1l72 or 486. Central
Office 501a Third street south. Il iii =
H :