New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1895-07-17
THE AID. SIGN PAINTER
ONE OF THEM RELATES CHAPTERS
FROM HIS EXPERIENCE.

How He Managed to Advertise on the
Walls of Fort Sumter-when the Bees
Objected-Let q Farmer Blow His Steam
On-The Ob1iging Steamboatman.
The experience Of sign painter at
Fort Sumter makes q diverting story:
"You see, I got a darby to take me
over from Charleston i'm one of those lit
tie boats that they sail down there closer
to the wind than anything ever saw
before: The fort was unoccupied except
by an old soldier, who showed me all
over the place. Have . drink, corporate
said I to him after awhile NO objec-
tions, said he, and we walked and talk
ed little further. Pretty lonesome
here, eh, sergeant?' Very, indeed, an
swered the old duck, warming to me as
I brevetted him grade higher every
two or three minutes.
"'Ah, said I, it's tough old biz,
the army, amt it, ieutenant?' Faith,
and it is, upon me life, said he.
"Well, I brought my flask out again
and pressed it upon him. Now, look
here, captain said I, you don't mind
me painting sign around the old fort,
do you?' Not bit, my son. Paint as
much as We place. he answered quite
willingly, and away I went to work,
finishing the lettering before sundown.
''That little business nearly got me
into trouble, and left Charleston in
hurry. Nearly as bad was the time was
painting on a beehive I was walking
along the railway track with my pots
and brushes and saw the hive, which
was in Al position, bound to be seen by
everybody in the trains. I stole up to it
and slathed on the paint, taking care
not to make much noise. Buz-z-z! One
little fellow came to look at me, then
another, then another and then score
or more all at once They didn't seem
to object-in fact, seemed to admire the
richness Of the coloring-but in Singing
my leg over the top of the hive upset
my can Of turpentine, and not one bee
in the crowd would listen to a word of
reason. [ was laid up for week or two
after that, but I can't be quiet long. It
amt in me to be still. I'm an out and
out Yankee, and it warns my heart to
be off with the paints, and it ain in
cumbent upon me now.
He added this with a complacent and
pregnant glance at his massive watch
chain and jeWeled sleeve buttons, which
indicated no little prosperity.
when anybody gets his back up at
me, just let him blow his steam off,
and then I talk to him. he continued.
Down in Maryland one day I was
painting fence, and a fellow working
in a field near by hollered out Hi ! Git
away from that yar fencen let on not
to hear him. You git nown the old
man shouted once more, but I dabbed
and dabbed away as industriously as
ever. You won't, won't yer?' said he,
and then he came for me with pitch
fork in his hands. Folks in Maryland
are generally pretty much in earnest
when they are mad, but I didn t move
an inch. He'd have lifted me like a
piece Of toast if [ had, and instead of a
toast it would have been roast for me.
II looked as mild and innocent as I
could, shaped out the letters and held
my head back now and then as if to
study the effect. Don't you like it?'
said I as he got up to me. Well, he met
me with some high seasoned expostu-
lations; but, as told you, I never in
terfere with a man when he's blowing
off steam; it isn't safe. The pitchfork
did not look salubrious, but I held to
my work, and as I was finishing it he
began to cool off and at the same time
to take an interest in the sign. Got a
family?' said I. Yes, said he. Young
uns, too maybe. Yes, said he again.
Well, now, said I, amt you ashamed
of yourself to let your temper get the
better of you in this way? Think of the
bad effect on your children. But I'll
paint it out No, leave it on, stranger :;
I like it,, he answered, and we went
over to the house together, which proves
that when a mans blowing off it's best
not to sit on the safety valve.
II went up the Mississippi with old
Captain feathers in the Natchez, with
AAOt soAAoACSCe1Cho E)cb1hCCu CI1mSOu W
signify that they would be burned red
hot before she would be passed, and at
the first landing I set to work on all the
rocks. The old captain was immensely
tickled with the idea. Look at the
darned Yank! he cried to the passen-
gers. How long before you start, cap?'
shouted I. We'll wait till you get
through, he answered, and he did the
same thing at every other landing. But
the newspapers have made such an out
cry against the dissertation Of nature, as
they call it, that law forbidding it
has been passed in some Of the states,
and, on the whole, rock paintin g is dis
couraged by our patrons, who think it
spoils the sale Of their articles. Chi
cago Times-Herald.
A Woman of Nerve.
Mrs. Louis Kirshoffer Of Orange, N.
j., is a woman of nerve. The other day