Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-08-31
Wordsworth Starts Out For Fun, and He
Gets 1t.

VINO was running QlSUraOCouly aDOuU WlUn
one hand clutching pair of curling tongs
that were fastened in her hair.
ooh, dear mel' returned Mrs. Wiggles-
worth. ~ don't know what shall do,
with the lunch only half put up, and Mary
cut her hand on tin can, and can't find
my curling tongs anywhere"
"What We want to do Is to come out 1t
yer trance" advised Mr.. Wigglesworth
as he pointed out the tongs.
"1've got ever so many things Mrs.
Wigglesworth replied" some olives and
some graham crackers and two lemons and
all those things
"Any pie or cake2" her husband asked.
"Well, you know" Mrs. Wigglesworth
explained, 1--WE had that last pie yester-
day, and Mary was going to bake cake
this afternoon'-
"HumphP Mr.. Wigglesworth broke in.
Healthy dinner We'll have off raw lem
on and three or four green olives Better
take along few dried prunes, hadn't yer
Some roasted coffee wouldn't go bad or q
few new potatoes, so long as they amt
cooked. Delmonico'll want ye soon's he
hears Of ye."
They got started finally, little Willie
heavy basket between them, while Mr..
Wigglesworth bore an umbrella and a fan.
1t was considerable walk to the spot
near the beach, where some trees made
down to the shore and bit Of turf spread
its green surface invitingly
"A-a-a-h-hi'' sighed Mr.. Wigglesworth
as he sank contentedly. "This Is something
like It,"
He paused to extract large dark ant
that was trying to get down the neck Of
his flannel shirt.
Soon Mr.. Wigglesworth fell into doze,
while Mrs. Wigglesworth spread forth the
lunch and sent Willie to house half 9
mile distant for pail of water, a proceed
ing which filed that young man with bit
ter resentment.
II call this fun, she chirped as later
they sat about and ate their hard boiled
eggs and other delicacies. "It Is really
quite romantic, don't you think, Ellery'"
"What baker dye get this bread fromp"
Mr.. Wigglesworth returned "Nevcr saw
so many holes in loaf of bread In my life.
Must have used up his whole supply"
Mr.. Wigglesworth laughed aloud at this
unexpected witticism and so did Mrs. Wig
ellsworth after 1t was pointed out to her,
and then Mr.. Wigglesworth sent Willie
back home for cigar. While the boy,
with anger burning in his heart was gone
on this mission and Mrs Wigglesworth
was clearing up the dishes Mr.. Wiggles-
worth strolled down on the beach.
"B' George" he cried, "if here amt
boatl'
"Don't touch 1t, Ellery," said his wife.
"You know how dangerous 1t is to get
into boat on picnic-people fall into
the water and get drowned"
"Pohl'' retorted Mr.. Wigglesworth.
eye talk as If was boy. Don't ye
s'pose know how to manage little flat
bottom thing like this? # I didn't I'd go
bag my head"
Moved to reckless daring by the opposi-
ton of his wife, Mr.. Wigglesworth unfas-
tened the boat, pushed 1t into the water
and compelled Mrs. Wigglesworth with
trembling protestations to step inside.
"There!' he cried triumphantly as he
adjusted the oars. "Dont see anything
wrong about this, do yer What's the mat
ter with this for picnicS"
With such spirit of Boosting Mr.. Wig
ellsworth splattered about digging the oars
very deep In the water and poking them
very high in the air while the boat wabbled
painfully and Mrs. Wigglesworth repeated
ly swallowed her heart and gave vent to
little screams.
"What ye SO scarf aboutY" pulled Mr..
Wigglesworth, bruising his knuckles on
the oar. "Don't tell ye the boats sitter
than farm wagon?'
To demonstrate this and give his wife at
he same time another little scare Mr..
Wigglesworth jumped playfully to one
side, and In flash they were in the water.
A man fishing beyond Outer island said
afterward that he heard Mrs. Wiggles-
worths scream, while the roar that Mr..
Wigglesworth gave vent to caught the at
tention of hired man haying half mile
away.
Mrs. Wigglesworth, buoyed by her
skirts, beat the water frantically with her
hands, and SO spun about rapidly, scream
ing in six eight time, staccato movement,
while her husband, thrashing the waves
madly with his arms and legs, rolled over
and over and swallowed several quarts Of
brine. When his mouth was uppermost,
he would yell, and then he would go un-
der and load up with more water.
The hired man arrived on the scene, and
Mrs. Wigglesworth saw him instantly.
"Oh helpl Helpw she screamed.
"Helpsh - shwash - shwash- helpshl"
beloved Mr.. Wigglesworth, and then he
went under.
"Stand upl' cried the hired man.
'HelpshwashW yelled Mr.. Wiggles-
worth, rolling up again. "1'm drown
ingshl"
"stand up, you old fooll" roared the
hired man. 1.-THE water ain't more'n four
feet deep. Stand upl"'
Putting and blowing and leaking at ev-
cry pore, Mr.. Wigglesworth dragged him
self to land.
1.-THE next time ye get me Into boat, "
he Kissed between his clinched teeth after
the hired man was gone and they were
wringing the water out Of themselves,
"I'll be as big lunkhead as ye are.
never saw the woman yet that could 60 on
picnic and see 1t through without MAX
ing fool Of herself, and ye see II they
don't have.a piece in the paper about It"
Willie arriving at that instant with the
cigar, Mr.. Wigglesworth caught that star
tied youth clip on the side Of the head
that nearly unhinged his medulla oblon-
gata.-New York Recorder.