Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-04-01
JUST FOR FUN.

A strong statement Maria, thar's
a skunk in the sullarl''
Is your milk good this winter? Wei,
it has reached high water mark.
Even in the case of strawberries
those that come early avoid the jam
A great many men who have not
second suit of clothes, have financial
theory.
Those sleeves are ridiculously large.
/ True; but they'll do for bathing suit
next summer.
What bird does Mrs, Freeden ad-
mire most? The phoenix of course.
All her boarders rise daily from their
hashes.
Miss Bund-Do you believe in long
courtships, Mr.. Benedick? Mr.. B.-I
don't believe in more than six or
eight hours at session.
Mr.. Podgers-I see that old hen just
come out of the cellar. What has she
been doing down there? Mrs. Podgers
I guess she's been laying in coal.
"Poor Chappie is dreadfully i'll with
a coId?'' ''Serves him right. I saw him
on the Avenue one bitter cold day
with a Spring tie on. He's too reck
less.''
"Scaggs is getting fat" said Will
loughby. "He's developed a double
chin" "WelI, he ndeded it, said
Parsons. "His original chin was over
worked
Wife-The cook says she never was
with family that lived any better
than we do. Husband-Yes. The
policeman on the corner has gained
20 pounds since she came.
Teacher-Can any of you tell me
why flannel is comfortable in winter?
Bright Boy Gin new underwear 1T
makes yeh hitch and wiggle around,
and the exercise keeps yeh warm.
Is it not terrible to think that liquor
costs the British nation more than
$1O0,OOOper annum? Humorous Irish
man-Indade it is, sorr. Och, can
nothing be done to reduce the price
aV the drink?
'What do you know about French
dishes?" asked Mrs. hyperion to the
applicant for employment as cook.
~ know enough about thin to make
thin, but niver to ate thim," was the
reply. She was engaged.
Ind
again. believe you have been tried
and convicted seven times for steal
ing. Rastus-Yes jedge. It seems to
be nothing but temptations and trials
wild me in this life.
1 caught sight of sneak thief under
my bed the other night. Dear me!
What did you do? Yank him out?
No. L sent for the chambermaid and
had her sweep the room. The poor
fellow died of suffocation.
Yes, said the physician, he's dead,
poor fellow. His heart has ceased to
beat. The last statement settles it,
said the friend. If there's anything
about Slippery Pete that has ceased
to beat, he certainly is dead.
The New York Girl-Lord Dumley,
did you ever hear the joke about the
museum keeper who had two skulls
of st. Paul, one when he was a boy
and the other when he was a man
The Englishman-No.-W is it?
Downton-Here comes Blinkers.
He's got a new baby and he'll talk us
to death. Upton-Well, here comes
a neighbor of mine who has a new
setter dog. Let's introduce EN- to
each other and leave EN- to their fate.
How did you like the sermon, Wen
dell? asked his mother. / was sorry
to observe, replied the little Boston
boy, with sigh, that the clergyman
did not seem to be aware of the
distinction between a reference and
an allusion.
Here's Teller, said Flooding Pete,
who has been indulging in literature,
wot says dere's too much labor agi
tation in this country. OATS what
dar is, replied Meandering Mike. [
suffers from it meself. Every time I
think oflabor it agitates me.
Tapley's 'Bread Winner outwears all 9TH