The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1895-11-21
UNDER FIRE.
"What class, sir 90

"What class, sir?"
"Third-nut a smoking carriage. y
The porter deposited my gun and
cartridge cases on the rack and my
dressing bag on the seat in the corner
and accepted his sixpence with the non
chalance Of Il man who, on Saturday
afternoon i'll holiday time, can make
plenty more Of them,
From Charing Cross to Cannon street
| had my compartment to myself. Rav
ing reached that point, 1t was invaded
by horde of the type generally referred
to as ones fellow creatures The
aristocrat of the party was u clerk on
his way to Ramsgate for week He
proceeded to NIL and light brier wood
pipe. As he was sitting at the other end
of the carriage and was smoking a fra
grant tobacco from far Virginia, Ineither
felt nor made any objection to his doing
so. 1t was a different matter when Il
gentleman Of an obliging familiarity of
manner joined us at London bridge, car
rying a clay pipe charged with the
blacklist and most pungent of shag.
Now the close proximity of a smoker
of shag is a very abominable thing, and
it was for the sake of avoiding it ON a
journey of some three hours duration
that I had resolved to forego the COM
partnership of my own pipe for that
length of time and had sought the Sc
clusion Of anonsnloking carriage, where
a possible baby would be my sole an
noyance. Consequently when my
neighbor, after decent interval, ram
med horny forefnger into the bowl of
his pipe, and, producing dirty wax
match from his waisteoat pocket, pro
ceeded to light up, | addressed polite
and carefully worded remonstrance to
him
I'm afraid this isn't smoking car
riage, E" l said. He looked at me.
"Oh, isn't it, he said.
mo"
do yer object them"
Il don't object to it on the other side
of the carriage, l said "but l do OBJ
ject as you are sitting next to me, "
And who wants to sit next to yer
ugly" he inquired, with rising asper-
ity oyer amt female, are yer, to
object to little bit o baccy? It's "a
pity yer didn't get into fust class car
rage
IT'S pity you didn't get into a
smoking carriage if you wanted to
smoke, " retorted. ."At any rate You re
not going to smoke here "
Hi assure yer, my lord, he said
with laborious suayity, "hi don t want
ter sit next tyer Hi shed be sorry to
contaminate my morals by such a con-
ventuaity y ana he moved over to the
opposite seat i'll the middle of the car
riage
"Il tell yer wot III do he pur-
sued I'm put out my pipe, so there
now He did so and restored it to his
pocket with the air of man who has
scored heavily. Then he leaned toward
me with his elbows ON his knees and
took me in with whitening glance
from head to foot.
Hand may l harsk wot yore persi-
ton i'll life may be?" he inquired.
Hare yer socialist or a numbug, or
wot are yer2 Do yer teach i'll the Sun
day school? P'r'aps yer d like a glarss
o. milk. Note the decreasing respecta
bility of the employments suggested as
his scorn ripened. ''Wot dyer want to
prevent a respectable man enjoying of
is pipe for; | tell yer wot yer oughter
done. Yer oughter taken Il special train,
yer ought. That ter say" he added,
with great elaboration and intense dis
dain "if yer could afford it, yer know.
| don t serpoose they pays very Ugh in
the establishment wot commands yore
services " He was quite right They do
not.
AT this point, perceiving that | was
i'll for a protracted harangue, | took up
my Pail Mall Gazette and feigned an
absorbing interest in its contents. | did
it rather we'll | ran my eye along the
lines, turned over page, and even al
lowed a smile to curl my lips at an en-
tirely imaginary joke.
That's right, " commented my as
sailant. 81 am glad they taught yer to
read at the board school. Yer go on and
yer'll be able to read The St. James
Gazette soon The point of this latter
sarcasm is not yet plain to me, but the
fact of my so ostentatiously ignoring his
conversation proved quite as irritating
as | had hoped He gathered himself to
gether for fresh attack, and addressed
me for about the space of a quarter of
an hour i'll manner not at all abusive,
but quite unfettered by any reticence of
criticism. He took in all my weak
points and animadyerted on them care
fully but freely.
He began with my personal appear
ance. My best friends have never called
me good looking, although they have
never told me that / was positively re-
pulsiye He did, He went further He
said it made him sick to look at me, IL
Illustrating his point with an embarrass-
ing realism. He said that they had late
ly missed chimpanzee from the ZOO
logical gardens and expressed his inten-
tion of giving information at the next
station that he had found it and claim
the reward My ears are rather proni-
uent. He called them andes to my
cad. My nose is not quite Grecian in
outline He thought it must have been
put on hot and run over my face. Ny
mouth is rather large. He asked if it