Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-02-28
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget CT Fun.
Sprinkles of Spice.


ment trying my plan at last Wife
whats that?" Statesman-"Bor-
rowing money! - Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Little Miss Freckles (proudly)--"My
new doll winds up and walks. Little
Miss Mugs (airily)-"If I'd a-known
that kind was bein' sold, I'd a-got one
for waiting maid for my dollie-"-
Good News.
Boy-"AIr Dunn called to see about
that bill of his Mr. Short-"Well, If
he comes in again, tell him his bill is
in a good state of preservation and is
likely to reach q good old age. Boston
Transcript.
He-"What allowance do you think
your father ought to make Us when we
are married?" She-"Well, if he makes
ample allowance for your faults, L
think he will be doing all that can be
expected of him. It'd Bits.
| At the Fortune Teller'S-"That is a
very dark future you predict for ME,
madam ''Why, sir what could you
expect for a sixpence? Pay me shil-
ling and I'll see what l can do for you"
lie Moniteur Litteraire.
Mistress ION the second day to new
cook }-"Kathi, just be so good as to lend
me five marks Cook (aside)-"Ha,
ha! that why she said yesterday that
the cook in her house was treated as
one of the family Der Schalk.
Father-''So, my dear boy, wish you
many happy returns Of the day; and, as
a reward for your diligence and good
conduct, will get the dentist to draw
that bad old tooth of yours that gives
YOU so much pain!'-El Mundo Comico.
Justice (severely)-"How could you,
sir, be so mean as to swindle people
that put confidence in yOu?" Prisoner
-"Well. Judge. I'll make it worth some
thing to yer if you'll tell me how to
work them as don't "-Life's Calendar.
The will is opened, the notary reads
Item bequeath- to my nephew, Jean
Pierre, the two sheep that strayed
away Il fortnight back, provided they
turn up again: if not. ! bequeath them
to my faithful servant, Nicholas. lie
Gaulois.
Mrs. DeNeat-"It seems to me that
for man who claims to deserve chart
ty. you have very red nose" Moldy
Mike-"Yes, mum; the cheap soaps
that us poor people has to use is very
hard on the complexion, mum."-New
| York Weekly.
Mrs. B.--"I can't see what's your OBJ
lection to young Mr. Goodly Every
body speaks we'll of him. Miss e.
(pathetically)- "Mamma, surely you
wouldn't wish me to marry man that
would never have a right to scOld!'-
Harper's Bazaar.
Lovcr-"You are getting prettier
every day. Sweet girl-"Just now !
am living on brown bread and water
to improve my complexion "How
long can you keep it up?" 80, indeh-
| nitely.'' 'Then let's get married. -
New York Weekly.
Wibbles-'Here is firm advertising
that it has over 100 pianos out on trial"
Wabbles- "Well, what of it," Wibbles
--"Nothing, only if that Internal in
strument in the house next door to me
is one of them it certainly ought to be
convicted. Buffalo Courier.
The silvery sleigh bells in the maiden's
ears
Sound like the prelude of her wed.
ding chimes,
While in them her unhappy lover hears
His jingling wreck of dollars and OF
dimes!
New York Herald.
Theodorus-"I always read the par
liamentary reports very carefully, but
have never come across any speech of
yours YETI Bernard on. Pillow is
that? Have you never noticed the
words Cheers and Hear, Hear?' That's
where come in.''-StuiverS Blad.
.Men are such inconsistent Great
ures,' sighed Mrs. Witterby. ut was
only the other day they were enthusi-
astic about smashing the machine at
the polls, and now l see that they are
going to vote by machinery. What
won't they do next?"-Brooklyn Life.
Whimsicus-'I always knew that
thirteen was an unlucky number! Joili
Gus gave an awfully swell dinner the
other night and there were just thir
teen at table" Flimsicus-"Well, what
happened?' Whimsicus- what hap
Eened? Why, l wasn't inyited!'-
Judge.
"Dear me-. said Mr.. Meekins, "it
seems absurd for men to be constantly
talking about their wives having the
last word. / never object to my wife
having the last word" "You don't?~
mot bit l always feel thankful
when she gets to Washington
Star. ...-.-.-s-..