Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-10-09
TIrgiuia 5res gress.
Humorous.

eyes, see you're a new woman, Eve,
said Adam, "but I'll take the risk. You
haven't any past"
He-It makes me better man every time
l kiss you. She-Ive been hoping, dear,
that you would reform.
Ferry-What luck did you have fishing?
Hargreaves-Gota bigger load than could
carry home. "Of f,h?"
Sud Ieu.-Young Man lin periodical s'orel
i want a Firrside Companion. Lady
Clerk tarchly)-HOw would 1 do?
He-I am going to the club. If I don't
come home before 10 please don't sit up for
me. She-Onl no; I'll come for you.
Chow time goes = he said, as the clock
struck IL. Its the only thing that does
90, she answered YEARLY, and he took the
HUT.
Customer-A loaf of bread, please. Ba-
ker-Five or 10 cent loaf? Customer (pre-
cisey)-I will take one of the loaves that
you sell for cents
Artist painted this picture, sir, to keep
the wolf from the door, Dealer (afer in
speeding it)-Well, hang it on the knob
where the wolf can see it.
"Aliss Passe INDUCED in somewhat with
ering sarcasm when she was talking of you"
'Itis her privilege, poor thing. Sue is some
what whitening herself"
''No. inieedw dclared the yachting girl.
81 wouldn't 20 t, the cricket match Its
dangerous read in the papers yesterday
where they 'bowltd a maiden over"
as that performer familiar with your mu-
sic ?" she asked at the concert Gle must
b., =" replied the composer, who was with
ing che takes such liberties with it."
Blazer Out in the country where you live,
don't you fnd it aggravaling TO hurry to
catch tie trains? Manzer-Oh, no! It's hur-
rying to miss them we fad aggraya'ing.
Bill-Did you hear the Insult offered to
COlon,l Bottlers, the COngre sman from
Kentucky? Dick-No; What was it? Bill
They put him on the water committee.
Oregonian- don't have such beastly
wea her as this where | came from b ston-
iau-You don't? Well, what kind Of beastly
weather do you have where you come from
Cumulative Evidence - You ought to be
very proud of your wife She is brilliant
ttker." you're right there" "Why,
could listen to her all night " 81 often do"
She ldr. amilyl l. Meyerbeer always brings
such sweet recollections to me. He from
Cincinnati) i never felt any effect from it,
but if take Rhine wine it goes to my head.
Editors Wile-Who wrote this beautiful
article on How to Manage Wife, Edi
tor-Young CUTLER Editors Vie WIN,
didn't know he was married. Editor-Ho
isn't.
He Was Mistaken Policeman Ito wheel
man who is riding on side path See here
young man, you can't ride there. Cant,
ell? Well you just watch me-" And he shot
out of sight
Mrs Keene-Mason. Mr.. Keene-W What
dear? Mrs. Keene-The next time we g. to
the opera buy your fiend a seat alonside Of
Us, so you won't have to run out to see him
between acts.
Blobbs-Why is everybody running?
Slobbs-Theres a mad d g down the street.
Blobbs-I don't zee why that should make
the people run Sobbs But there is a police
man shooting at it
Miss Amy-Of course you are familiar
with Longf llow's poem, "To s ay at Home
is B st" Doly-Yes, Miss Amy, and
think he must have written it just after re
turning from summer outing
A Regular Snap -".What is Smith doing
now?' Gle is travelling with a circus -
pretty hard work, int it?' No; he has
nothing to d. except to stick his head into
the lions mouth twice a day"
Young Wife ldreami'y) -How lovely it
would be if al things in this world would
work in harmony! Husband (thoughtfully)
My, Us For instance, if coal would only
90 up and down with the thermometer
WWill you think of me when I'm gomez
asked llr Linger srntimenttlly, as the
hands of he click moved toward y Ger
taiuly" replied Mis- Kttish. How soon
shall have AN opportunity 10 begin think
ing
On reaching certain spot the driver turn
ed round on his seat and observed to the pas
sengers: From this point the road is only
accessible to mule, and donkry,; must
therefore, ask the gentlemen to get out and
proceed on foot"
Miss Odgil langling for compliments -
Oh ! dear. When the wind blows my hair
like this, it makes me look homeler than
ever Mr Newman learuesily)-But l as
sure it doesn't land he wondered whe e
the cool breeze came from
"Ha! h,l ha ! ha laughed the great de
t-cive. Il have them now !" For five days
he had been on the trail, and had neither
/ .,,,.. 49, L.. IL HI In ,,14I. -. l,,4