Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1895-04-25

tragedians" until they are past 80.
1t is said that Jay Gould dislike'
railroad travel ng. Perhaps he i
afraid of being drowned. He wei
knows the amount OF water on the
roads.
A man can get gloriously drunk in
Japan for 20 cents. This is why the
Japanese who come to America save
their money and take it home with
them.
Instructor in RhetOric-Give an ex-
ample of syllOgism. Logical Fresh
man-Al men are more or less alike.
am a man; therefore am more or
less alike.
''Terrible railroad accident yoster-
day, wasn't itP" Hadn't heard of it,
what was itp" "The X road, you
know ftp" Eyes, well?" ut paid a
dividend"
The aim of Chinese parents is to so
tutor their boys that ii one of them
happens to sit down on an eight-ounce
tack in the presence of company he
won't even bob up.
There are only two occasions when
q man finds out what an atrocious viii
liam he is. The first is when he runs
for the aldermanship of his ward, and
the second is when his wife sues him
for divorce.
81 have never given you credit for
knowing very much, madam, said q
blunt old bachelor, "but--" "Sir, !"
she interrupted, ''do you wish to IN
suit" But" he continued, 81
have always admired your grace and
beauty" II accept your apology"
said the lady.
Frenchman Ito Kentucky citizen)-
even ze friend ask you 20 invite to
take 20 drink viskey, vat you say in
AnglaisP" Kentucky Citizen-"Don't
care if do" "Doncar 1idO, Oui! But
ven you refuse re invite. zen vat you
say in AnglaisP" "Well-er L guess
you've got me now, Frenchy."
"My DEAR" said frightened hus.
band in the middle of the night shak-
ing his wife, 'where did you put that
bottle OF strychnineP" ION the shelf,
next to the peppermint" 20, Lord"
he graoned, "l've swallowed it,"
swell, for goodness sake" whisper
ed his wife, keep quiet, or you'll
wake the baby.
Did your story win the prize?" "No,
but it came near winning it. 1t fail
ed only IN ono stipulation. "And
what was that?" sit was to have the
EDITORS hair stand on end" "Oh, L
see. 1t wasn't exciting enough"
Eyes, 1t was" "Tnen why didn't it
make the EDITORS hair stand on endP"
"He hadn't any. He was bald head
cd"
At an evening party Dumley was in.
troduced to a young lady, and after q
remark about the weather he said,
gallantly: "And have l really the
pleasure of meeting the beautiful
MISS Smith, whose praises are being
sounded by everybody?" "Oh, no,
Mr.. Dumley," the lady replied; "the
beautiful Miss Smith to whom you re-
fer is IL cousin of mine" "Oh. that s
it. Well, thought there must DO
mistake somewhere, SAID the gallant
Dumley.
A Fellow to be Trusted-"What do
you think Of Blilfk rs, BROWNE"
"Pretty fair sort of n chap IN his way,
/ believe. " ''Do you know him wellP"
'Oh, yes; am vers well acquainted
with him, indeed" "And you con-
slider h m q man to be trustedP" "No
doubt of it," "What do you base
your opinion upon?" Personal ax-
perience.' Flows that?" "Well, l
began trusting Blifkins shortly after
l became acquainted with him, and
am trusting him still. "
Gentleman-I am sorry to learn of
your WEES death, Uncle Rastus. I'm
Gle Rrastus -Sah? Gentleman-I say
that am sorry to hear that your wife
has recently died. Uncle Rastus with
puzzled look)-I giss da am some
mistake bout dat, Mistah Brown.
let' de ole CONAN in gud health dis
mawnin', sab. Who said she wah
deadP Gentleman-pve forgotten
now. Uncle Rastus (his face clearing
up)-Oh, ya'as, now | understands,
sab. Dat wuz or formal wife OBJ mine,
Mistah Brown She died mon foah
weeks ago. DE present incumbent am
all right.
Little Ernest, small boy recently
emanclpated from kits, walked into
the nursery one morning and was
quite Disguised upon finding that it
had not been put in order for the day
one of the rules of the house being
that no pIaythings should be brought
out until the sweeping was done. He
lett the room for short time, and
finding matters no better on his return
exclaimed, impa;iently: "Well, hasn't
this room been sweeped yet?" "Why,
Ernest" said his mother, "dO you
tn nix that IS good grammer?" "Oh
well, them" said he, ''has il been
swopenp"
In an Arkansas town, several nights
ago, mob, led by desperate man,
marched to the jail, dragged MUIR
derer from tine cell, and hurried with
him to the outskirts OF the town.
Each man wore an expression of de-
term nation-features hardened by
awful resolve The prisoner attempt
ed to speak, to beg Tor his life, but the
burly hands closed around his throat,
and the prayer he would have uttered
went out in an iuarticulate gurgle.
When the infur ated men reached