The Dupuyer acantha. [volume] (Dupuyer, Mont.) 1894-1904, 1895-09-26

The story of a gentleman who, enter
Ing a depot, met an expressman COM
ing out with a dog under his arm. The
gentleman asked: "Where is that dog
goingW The expressman savagely re-
piled: "You don't know where he's
going; I don't know where he's going;
nobody knows where he's going-he's
ate his tag!'
William M. Evarts was going up
once in the elevator of the state de-
partment when it happened to be
loaded with an unusual number IL
strangers, presumably applicants for
ministerships and consulships. Turn
ing to a friend who accompanied him,
Evarts said: This is the largest col
lection for foreign missions that /
have seen taken up for some time!"
Apropos of boosters, Dean Hole tells
a story of an acquaintance of his at
oxford, who once wrote him a note
beginning "My Dear Countess" and
then scratched out Countess" substi-
tuting Hole" Whereupon the dean,
not to be outdone, began his reply my
Dear Queen" and then drew his pen
through queen" and substituted
"Dick."
A youth to fortune and to fame I'M
known sent Dumas the manuscript Of
a new play, asking the great dramatist
to become his collaboration. Dumas
was for a moment petrified, then he
seized his pen, and replied: How
dare you, sir, propose to yoke together
horse and an ass?" The author, by
return of post, wrote: "How dare you,
sir, call me a horse?" Dumas by next
mail: "send me your play, my friend!'
In Philadelphia the other day an old
lady from the country took her stand
directly in the center of a trolly track.
She soon spied a messenger boy, who,
| with hat perched IN one side, was
coming along whistling a popular air.
"Say, little boy" inquired she, "would
| you tell me where l could get a trOlly
carp Eyes, ma'am," was the prompt
reply; "stand where you are, an you'll
get one right in the neck"
A gentleman in Washington who has
for years made a practice of gathering
| pcISoHdi ducCtOttS VI NcItlduS VI tHc
war, both of the Northern and South
ern services, once asked a friend, who
had fought all through the war, if he
had eve killed a mar that he posi-
lively knew of. eyes, said he, re-
morsefully, zone. At Bull Run l ran
at the first fire. A rebel chased me for
ten miles, and was then so exhausted
that he dropped dead"
A young reporter was sent out re-
Gently by the city editor of one of the
Rochester papers to report a meeting.
About two hours after the assignment
was made the young reporter returned
with a sad c~Ountenance. The city edi-
tor asked him to get the report up i'm
mediately, as it vas nearly time TO go
to press. "Tbere will net be any re-
port on that meeting" was the an
swer. "Why not?' queried the city
editor. "There was not any meeting"
replied the young reporter; sit broke
up in a big row, and the chairman
was chucked under the table"
He was one of the "Liliputians,"
and she was a lovely Maysville girl.
He stopped at the hotel where she was
visiting, when she met him just after
the matinee in the hall, and every
body was looking at her. With a sweet
Kentucky smile she stepped up to him,
patted him on the cheek and then i'm
Tinted n of those kisses that only
a Kentucky girl can dispense.
you dear, cute little thing" she e.
claimed, as she lifted him for another
smack. How old are you"
"Twenty-nine," he replied. do II
again."
A New York undertaken or funeral
director, as the reader may prefer, ad'
vertised for a driver for a hearse, and
among the applicants he secured a
~good-looking, strong fellow, with q
solemn countenance, and took him into
his private office.
Before employing you," said the
undertaken, II want to know if you
have had any experience in this bust
nesS?"
"Well, I never drove a hearse," ad
mitted the applicant, but I've drove
the next thing to it, and l guess l cal
give you satisfaction"
How do you mean? | don't under
stand,' and it was evident from thu
undertaker's puzzled look that he wa
speaking the truth.
why" said the applicant. with con
fidence, 81 drove a rapid deliver!
wagon in Philadelphia for sever
years"
He got the job.
Jerome X. Jerome tells in his paper
To-day, of giving a little dinner one
and discussing the matter of win
with the head waiter before the guest
arrived. "Well," said the waited, "iI
you take my advice, you will Civ
them a very good champagne to star
} with, let's say MousseuX Sec 1878, an
let that go round twice. After thai
: sir-well-here's a very good wine tina
l always recommend, at 5 shillings tn
bottle; and then, if | were you, sir,
would finish up with this" and h
l pointed to a modest little brand a
three and six. "And don't you think,
Jerome said, that they will notice tn
difference?" "Lor' bless you, no, sir,
said the man; 1--WE generally do tina
way. l wouldn't undertake to tell til
difference myself between champaign
. at sixteen shillings and champagne q
five after the first two glasses"
t Once upon a time the Clever Gil
e and Young Apropos found themselve
at a very stupid evening party. Ate
I several minutes of boredom the Clevt
0 Girl grew desperate. 81 tell you whi
/ let's do" she said; you take one sid
of the room and I'll take the othe
I and We'll each see how many person
n we can pnpape in n~yerS tiOn uDOn