davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

vIcE-PREsIDENT sTEvENsON's FAMILY.
ing by the gangway waiting the debark'
alton of the emigrants when Russell Har
rison stepped up to the Off Ger who was
present and said:
~ am the son of the president Of the
United States. l want to go ashore
In a very few NONE nts you can go,
Mr.. HARRISON replied the officer.
But l want to go now,' in right royaI
tones.
80 am very sorry,' the officer politely
responded. NY orders are strict to per
init sightseers to go ashore only after the
emigrants and such passengers as 60 nc
farther with us have left the steamer,
would like TO oblige you. Mr.. Harrison,
but unless you get permission from some
one higher In authority than l an 1t will
be impossible
when the scion recovered his breath
he rave rent to q contentious Huh.
turned on his heel and disappeared. Be.
fore he c0nld find the proper officer, all
the rest who wanted to 60 ashore had
gone, and with them the need of special
request"
Mr., Harrison made q very u~nfavOrable
impression on mi at first, but afterwards /
became acquainted with him and liked
him. Early in May in the crowded room
TO the secretary of the interior | was
awaiting my turn to see Gen. Noble. who
had been a friend of my boyhood; and
Just as Mr.. Heath, now proprietor OF the
Cincinnati paper, was leaving the score
tary. Russell Harrison stepped before me
and addressed the secretary. 1t was an
assumption which was arrogant, but that
was no place for resentment. However,
in the evening of that day l wrote an
article for the St. Paul Globe in which
Prince Russell received q roasting thai
would have done a leg of mutton brown.
The fact was narrated that he came into
the room rudeiy without removing his
hat. and acted rather like q boy who sup
he'd It was ''papa's department." and
that he could do as he pleased there. A
comparison wa drawn between husseil
and the t~en-year-old son OK Attorney
General Brewster, who used 70 pervaae
the department Of justice, n tne
clerks. particularly the ladies, . great deal
OF trouble with his boyish pranks. Lltte
Benny Brewster would always respond to
remonstrances with the argument: TINS
is my papa's department and I'll 40 as
please."
The sons of great men are always hana''
capped by the regulations OF tneif Iathcis'
More is expected Of them than is reason,
able. Genius is not often transm'''eu
The sons Of presidents are as the SOUS =
other men. Fred Grant was oiten .ne
subject Of adverse criticism when ms u's.
tinguished father was president. hooel'
i. Lincoln was often derided during 'nt
civil war as i .play soldier who Wa
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

Mr.. Softleigh-..Oh. Miss We're, your Ne
splendent beauty sets Inv Grain on fire."
| Miss C. Vere-"Well, never mind, 1t won't
be much of . conflagration. Truth.
Jasper Cesar and his wife are con-
stantly Qua,relling." Jumpuppe-'Yes,
they have different theories as what each
should do to make the other happy."-Bos-
ton Post.
LADY, see you advertise homemade
bread" Baker-''Yes, ma'am." Lady
does it taste like h~Omelnade?" Baker
mo, indeed, ma'am. Its sweet and
light Household Words.
Whyte-"I thought you said your wife
wrapped up this bundle" Browne-"l
did," Whyte-''YOu must be mistaken.
There isn't a pin in the wrapping-paper any
| where."-Summelville Journal.
Mike" said ploddina Pete, who had
been reading from a newspaper, what
Meandering Mike, az he rolled owe far
enough to break off q daisy that tickled
his ear, murmured: ANY k,nd."-Wash-
ingtOn Star,
Col. Brown-"By Jove! Miss Lilyblow,
how the costumes and makeup alter people.
l hardly knew you" Miss Lilyblow-"Do
l look q fright, then" Col. Brown-.On
the contrary, you look charming. Judge.
Mamma, what did Tommy Jones' papa
mean when he said l was q CHIP of the old
blOckf" s.He meant you were like your
papa" "And when TOmmy's mamma
said / was a pile of impudence, did she
mean l was like you?"-Harper's Bazaar.
This is the last time l shall bring this
bill!n cried the enraged collector.
Thanks, y replied the i~mpecunious editor.
you are so much more c~Onsiderate than
the other fellow, for he said he was going
to come again"-Atlarta Constitution.
Russian official wit. -Oficial-''You can
not stay in this country, sir" Traveller
Then, I'll leave it." Ofacial-"Have you
a permit to leave?" Traveller mo. sir"
Oficial-''Then you cannot go. l leave
you twenty-four hours to make up your
mind as to what yon shall do,"-House.
hold words.
A Model Husband-Friend P%errichon,
accompanied by his wife. took a trip to
the outskirts of Paris. Very tired and
hungry, shey entered an eating house The
proprietor declared he had nothing but a
chop to offer them. only one!!" ex-
claimed Perrichon; then, what is my
wife to haye?"
Skillful as Observation-Disclosures Dick
going of in his ~writings?" Forest II
havn't noticed it," Edward-''lt seems to
me he has lost that delicacy Of touch he
used to have" Forest-You wouldn't
think SO il you had seen him work me for
ten this morning.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01
Almost Finished.

A famous landscape painter had to call
in a doctor to see his wife, who was suf-
fering from bronchitis. After he had ok
amined tho patient, the doctor recon-.
mended the husband to take . small brush.
dip It in tincture of iodine and lightly
paint the lady's back with 1t. The artist
took up has brush, and after dipping it in
the tincture proceeded to carry out the
doctors prescription. But his artistic
temperament o gotsthe better Of his
sick nursing qualities Mistaking his
wife's back for . canva /. instead OF sim
ply applying the lotion he sketched out q
landscape and gradually peopled 1t with
figures and put in all the details complete.
The patient, finding the operation rather q
lengthy one. asked her husband II he had
finished. And the latter, receding q few
steps 4 examine his work. replied, An
other dab or two, and then / can put II in
the framo."-Boston Traveller.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

IT, -'aLFNL
She's aIpretty puss in boots
With & pretty nome that suits
Every glance.
It is whispered, it is sung,
Still It ripples on the tongue
In . dance.
Oh, she walks 50 pit-a-pat
And she talks Of this and that
Such q way,
Just to watch her witching blush
Even Socrats would hush
Half a day.
She is not an angel; no!
They are out o. place below,
Let VI greive.
Yet perchance there is a wing
Hip beneath that puffy thing
Styled a sleeve.
Her singing makes me think
OF a trickey boblink
All delight.
With his silver strain allow
Where the apple blossoms blow
Pink and white.
Like a wild rose, newly born,
Bursting into bloom at morn,
Dew agleam.
So enhancing is her smile,
l,o, it haunts me all the while
In a dream.
Samuel Minturn Peck, in Century.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

A Stroudsburg pal editor says one OF
Henry Bragger's cows recently gave birth
to a creature that has the body and legs OF
a calf and the front feet Of q goose, with
toes and claws. It also has wings and has
a bill. It has feathers on It's head instead
Of hair. 1t bleats In the day like . calf
and at night utters Giles like . goose.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01
A valuable Appliance.

~ want a Thermometer" saia inc oia
lads 10 the clerk, as she moppPed heI damp
brow with 4 big handkerchief, ana piease set
il at about sixty degrees.
Record.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01
studying His Market.

II have an article that will just suit
you,n said the man who had made his way
into the editorial sanctum.
my dear sir, was the reply. ~ are
bothered to death with people with manu-
scripts"
"Oh, this article amt a manuscript. It's
a seven shooter. "-Washington Star.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

Jones-Come. go fishing with me. old
chap" Brown-stCan't do It: just signed
the pledYe.n-Judge.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

On Intimate Terms.-A little girl FIVE or
six years old stood at a gate on Cass avenue
the other day as a policeman came along,
and just at that m a dog came trotting
up and sat down as If at home. That's no
lost deg exclaimed the child, as she saw
the officer cycling the canine. .'lt's your
dog, perhaps9" he inquired. "No sir, it's
not our dog, but we visit back and forth in
the family in which he resides!"-Detroit
Free Press.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

eff l were a woman" said Mr.. Jones. as
he pulled on his slippers, ''I'll be hanged if
I'd go round with bicycle boomers on my
legs"
'.Well," snapped Mrs. Jones, .sif were
a man | wouldn't 60 round with a whiskey
bloomer or my nose, either. So therev'-
N. Y. Recorder.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01
awe must have 4 strong man. :

1--WE must have q strong man, and that
is all there is to it, the fat passenger Was
saying to the other passenger. when the
long-nosed man On the seat behind them
but air you talkin' politics, Or in the dime
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01
He will not married be
The reason Of his course?
He's always had you see,
A horror of divorce.

The happiness and misery of men depend
no less upon temper than or fortune
Rochefoucauld.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

'JO. N&xg
The form Of the young and beautiful girl
was drawn up to its full height, and CULVER
ing with rage, she pointed to the door.
'tYou told me it would be-"
With a commanding gesture she handed
him back the ring he had just rendered
her
"-at least three carats Detroit Free
Press.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

A New York undertaken, or funeral di-
rector, as the reader may prefer, advertised
for a driver for a hearse, and among the
applicants he selected a good looking, strong
fellow, with a solemn countenance, and
took him into his private Office.
sBefore employing you," said the under
taker, II want to know If you have had ex-
p~erience in this business?"
swell, I never drove a hearse,' admitted
the applicant, ''but I've drove the next
thing to it, and ! guess ! can give you satis-
faction"
.sIIow do. you mean? | don't UNDER
stand,n and it was evident from the under
takers troubled look that he was speaking
the truth.
..Why,' said the applicant with conf
dence, 81 drove a rapid delivery wagon in
Philadelphia for seven years"
He got the John. Y. Sun.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

The soul of mankind is an imm :asurabl>
unity which comprises everyone who ever
lived and worked, as well as those who
breath and produce new works at. present.
What is written todav may tomorrow be-
come the possession Of thousands Of
strangers. Those who have long ago
ceased TO exist in the body daily revive and
continue to live in thousands Of Others
Freytag.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

"No, Mrs. Lakefront; / have no intention
of getting a divorce this year"
'sWhy, Mrs. Wabash! What has &C
Cured to make you change your mind7"
'Well, John doesn't want to be released,
and besides ! have promised Ethel thai she
shall have the same papa until 300
Judge.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01
9 PARAGRAPHS.

PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
He will no, married be
The reason Of his course?
He's always had you see,
A horror Of divorce.
The happiness and misery of men depend
no less upon temper than on fortune
Rochefoucauld.
eff l were a woman said Mr.. Jones, as
he pulled on his slippers, '.I'll be hanged if
I'd go round with bicycle bloomers on my
legs"
..Well," snapped Mrs. Jones, eff I were
a man l wouldn't 60 round with a whiskcy
bloomer on my nose, either. So there!"-
N. Y. Recorder.
"Go!'
The form Of the young and beautiful girl
was drawn up to its full height, and CULVER.
ing with rage, she pointed to the door.
'sYou told me it would be-
With a commanding gesture she handed
him back the ring he had just rendered
her
eat least three carats. Detroit Free
Press.
"No, Mrs. Lakefront; I have no intention
of getting a divorce this year"
"Why, Mrs. Wabash! What has oc-
Cured to make you change your mind9"
"Well, John doesn't want to be released,
and besides ! have promised Ethel that she
shall have the same papa until 300
Judge.
First Woman.-You ought to get your
husband to take you to the theater. There
is an excellent play there.
Second Woman.-Is it a four act play7
'sNo, only two"
"Then he won't go.''-Texas Siftingsr
On Intimate Terms.-A little girl FIVE or
six years old stood at a gate on Cass avenue
the other day as a policeman came along,
and just at that momen a dog came trotting
up and sat down as il at home. That's no
the officer cycling the canine. .slt's your
dog, ~perhaps7" he inquired. sNo sir, it's
not our dog, but we visit back and forth in
- amy 1~ !" " -
I'ee 1'es''
-
~ ., -
unity which comprises everyone who ever
lived and cooked. as well AZ those who
hresth and nroduce new works at nresent.
| WA, !. ,vr;tten ,odav NAV tomorrov ~
com. ~. nos.ession 81 thomsande of
RANGER. Thos@ who have lonc 400
ce...S - ..;.t IN the hodv da;lv revive ana
continue to live in thousands Of o,hers.-
Frevtap.
lug 10
AnNo. "e'u = ooJSS
-1.I ."ss,.. - L:Ss.,s 1850
: ~ .,s.ny = =. .,,. -. 49,
he hurriedly cut into the limburger and
devoured it ere the ~neighbors could com-
plain to the board Of healthy. Y. World.
Ones surprise in the fact that no two
persons voices are perfectly alike ceases
when one IS informed by an authority that,
tnougn tnere are on'y nine per1ec1 ZONE. %
sounds.
"
Miss Browne-I was very sorry TO hear Of
your uncle's death, Mr.. Jolliby, but | know
you will bear up bravely-think how much
the old gentleman, but l know I'm better
off. He left me all his property.-Texas
Siftings.
-
50 ..,u...... ;.a...a .
49,. yo~
.I c;mn.", .u. ~. 49,
anger. 49, 49, 49,
- - 49, .:...s. x-N1 "A..N"S
" "av''e - SS.N M"
huhs =" ns A-''
ssWhy did you talk In french to Ethel
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01
IGNORANT OF BUSINESS MATTERS

During my experience In the service 1
came in contact with many OF the en-
ployes and found them to be, in the ma
iority of cases, men of considerable cul-
ture and intelligence. They are usually
| fairly well educated and informed upon
! current topics, but like many men in the
government service. they are entirely
ignorant of business matters In general.
II remember one incident which will
furnish a good illustration Of that fact.
A man who had filled the position of head
| clerk on our line for over twenty years,
was discharged because of an error which
had cost the officials considerable trouble.
His home was In Syracuse, and as he had
saved quite q large amount OF money, he
looked about for q chance to invest it
where it would yield him Q reasonable in
come and enable him to learn a business
in which he might earn q living. So I'M
accustomed, however, had he become to
methods and dealings OF business men that
he was as helpless as an infant in their
hands. He finally rented y small room in
a building near the station In Syracuse.
where he cared for the satchels and
clothes of the postal clerks for a trifiAg
compensation. That Is but q fair example
of the condition in which the average mar
finds himself. after having spent ten or
more years in the mail service. The
average clerk works n week and rests
during the next. l made my home in
this city and had a pass which was good
on any branch OF the Central railroad. A
change had been made within the past
year in respect to these passes which Is
causing much dissatisfaction among the
employees. Some time ago an order was
issued by Postmaster general Bissel to the
effect that ell clerks should live at some
point OF the line upon which they ran. A
was passed by congress q short time
fill afterward which cOuntermanded this
order. The postmaster general then
ordered that the passes be taken away
from the clerks. This, Of course, would
Oblige them to obey the first order, as few
Of them could afford to pay the fare to
and from their homes. The assistant
clerk receives nearly the ann cOmper-
sation IS the regular clerk, and the wages
Of the head clerk or . train do o greatly
exceed those OF the common clerks.
stYet the work 10 exceedingly difficult to
perform. and / have often left the train
after making the trip with my head In
such q whirl that 1t would be fully twenty
four hours before / could hear clearly and
speak intelligently. Taken altogether,
the life Of q postal clerk is not an en-
viable one, and the happiest day Of my
life was when l resigned my position to
engage in another business"
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

First Woman.-You ought to get your
husband to take you to the theater. There
is an excellent play there.
Second Woman.-Is it a four act playf
"No, only two"
"Then he won't go."-Texas Siftingsr
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

Smart-"Whatever induced your uncle to
marry the widow of a mar who was
hanged1.' Simpson-''He has been mar.
ried to widows before and said he was tired
of having the virtues of former husbands
flung in his face.-Spare Moments.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

Ones surprise in the fact that no two
persons voices are perfectly alike ceases
when one is informed by an authority that,
though there are only nine perfect tones to
the human voice, there are the astonishing
number Of 1854, I~I5,o44,4Is different
sounds.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

Eyewitness Bravo. my friend. You
have exerted your utmost strength to save
poor Rosenstein from a watery grave.
Mandi.-And for a good reason. He
owes me fifty marks.-Schiesshe Zeitung.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

Miss Browne-I was very sorry TO hear Of
your uncle's death, Mr.. Jolliby, but I know
you will bear up b~ravely-think how much
better off the old gentleman now is.
Mr.. Jolliby-Hm! | don't know about
the old gentleman, but l know I'm better
off. He left me all his property.-Texas
Siftings.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-08-01

"Why did you talk id French to Ethel
last night1"
ssBecause had something to impart to
her that / wished no one else to know"
.But there was a french lady sitting
close behind you"
eyes, but l have since discovered that
she didn't understand a word we said. -
Tammany Times.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-12
Save Money!!

You throw away dollars every
year in broken LAM chimneys
Better stop it now while you can
get preparation that will prevent
Il chimney from breaking when
put on wet. Prof. Humbolts anti.
explosive compound will do this
and will prevent the explosion of
kerosene oil and gasoline. We
are sole agents for this prepara-
ton as well as for the New Ideal
Sewing Machine, the equal to any
high priced article. and we sell it
for $3C and $50 with attachments.
$4,000 feet of mouldings for picture
frames just received by the
Albert" also oval and circular
frames, something new and ele-
CANT.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-12
Sans Souci
Seaside Resort.

The pleasantest, quietest,
shadiest and most perfectly APP
pointed seaside resort on the
Islands. 1t is only four miles
from the heart of the city and
within easy reach of the tramcars,
which run every twenty minutes
or oftener. Elegantly furnished
detached cottages or rooms are
obtainable on easy terms. The
table is superior to that of any of
the city hotels and all the modern
conveniences are provided.
Picnics and bathing parties can
obtain extra accommodations by
telephoning in advance.
The bathing facilities of Sans
Souci are superior &c those of any
placeon the beach. S9-tf
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-12
Smith

The Bus man will send
BUSES to private resIden-
ces for passengers to Wal
kiki without extra charge;
private parties can be ac-
commodated at reduced
rates, but remember this,
that a bus or wagonette
will call at your private
residence and take you to
Waikiki and bring you
back at the regular street
car fare.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-09-16
- RErIrRncITY Hr1InrG

IhE kLl lfNOtiIA HI MEtG.
When the Wilson Dill became a Jaw
the McKinley.,es loudly lamen-eI the
1 loss of trade which they said would
surely follow The abandonment Of ,hs
policy of reciprocity. They boasted es-
pec.ally of The advantageous reciprocity
arrangement that had been made with
Brazil in opening a market for Ameri-
can products in that country. Yet the
/ official returns of commerce show that
since reciprocity has been abolished the
exports from the United States 10
Brazil are greater than ever before. In
| 1892 these exports amounted in value to
| S14.291.S7S; in 1898 TO S12.3SS124; in
1894 to S13,S66.OO6, and in 1895 to SIS
/ 1G5O69.
Thus one by one the humbugs of Nc
K;nleyism are exploded by the facts of
trade. The worst feature of reciprocity,
/ it is pointed out, was the Presidential
embargo upon trade with Columbia and
Venezuela under the pre,ense that those
Republics unjustly Disseminated
| against the commerce Of the United
States. While the arbitrary levy Of du-
ties upon the coffee and hides Of Column
b;a and Venezuela by President Har-
rison's proclamation did little harm to
those countries, it seriously embarrass-
ed American merchants who were en-
gaged in trade with them. Since the
removal of the embargo better relations
have been established with Colombia
and Venezuela, and our trade with those
countries IS improving under the au-
spices Of the new tariff. II may be safe
ly predicted that the American people
viii never again put it in the power of
any President to make war upon the
counTy's trade under the plea of reel
procity.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-09-16
A SUGAR FRArD.

According to the correspondent of the
New York Times, Secretary Morton ap-
pears TO have uncovered, by an investi-
CATION into the matter, a shameful his
tory Of robbery Of the. government IN
Kansas upon the pre,ekse, assiduously
and effectively pressed by members of
Congress, that liberal experimentation
with sugar machinery would demon
suate the practicabfity Of the ccp,cm-
icaI production Of sugar in Kansas from
sorghum.
According TO the accounts furnished
by Secretary Mor-on. It appears that
the nurses" to whom the sugar expert
ments were farmed out have wasted
abou, 100000. for which there is abso-
lu-ely nothing to show. Great zeal was
manifested to secure appropriations for
sites for experiment stations and for
machinery TO be employed in showing
that by improved processes it would be
possible to obtain sugar in quantities
and Of a grade TO justify the investment
Of capital in the attempt TO produce it,.
If Senator PETER could have known,
as me Times points out, when he was
voting as an effective ally Of the Sugar
Trust to prevent the adoption Of a fair
sugar tar.n. under the honest, perhaps.
but nevertheless mistaken, notion that
he was affording deserved protection TO
home industry, that the sugar expert
mentalsts in Kansas We're a lot OF
hungry spectators, intent only upon
starting boom" towns and contiv;ng
new ways for securing new appropr;a-
lions, and that they had already stolen