davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

AN ANTIDoDE FOR TYPHOID FE-
VER.-The duration of typhoid fe-
yer is to he shortened by ten or
twelve days, says the st. Louis Globe
Democrat. To the medical profess
sion Of st. Louis must be awarded
the credit Of the method of treat
ment by which this boon to suffering
humanity is to be brought about.
The treatment consists of the appli-
cation Of the pure gall of an OK to
the ty-phoid-stricken patient. This
discovery has been made by DR..
Heine Mars, Of the ST. Louis City
Hospital, in conjunction with DR..
Henry Summa, also of that city.
The OK gall is used upon purely
physiological principles. 1t is q
fact well established that for the
purpose of digestion it is an abso-
Lutte essential to have a certain
amountof bile in the intestinal ca
nal. During an attack of typhoid
fever, as of other diseases, there is
constant waste of this bile going
on. Replace this bile and you check
the disease, and this can be replaced
by OK gall, which is stated by emf.
nent medical authorities to be MA.
ture's physiological antiseptic.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24
NUMBER 35.

A SUNDAY School superintend-
ent was telling an infant class about
the three angels who, i'm the guise
of men, appeared to the patriarch
Abraham, as he sat in the door of
his tent; and she dwelt especially on
the heavenly shining of their coun-
tenances as indicative of the heav-
enly purity of their thoughts and
characters, when up spoke the infant
terrible of the class, and said,
" Why, your face shines, too, your
forehead shines, and your nose
shines; but my grandma don't let
her face shine. She keeps a powder
and flannel to rub the shine off,"
Further description of the heavenly
visitants and practical application of
the lesson to the infant minds before
her was rendered impossible to the
amused and astonished superintend-
emf
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

THE KAIsER's TABLECI.OTH.--
The German Emperor is possessed
of most remarkable tablecloth,
which was presented to him upon
the occasion of his wedding by the
women Of Schleswig and Holstein
Woven into its texture are great
number of proverbs and notices
these had become obliterated by use.
The Emperor, however, being de-
sirous of having the words rendered
readable, caused the cloth to be sent
10 Berlin, where it has been carefully
cleaned. The following are q few of
the proverbs to be found upon IL :
" Whilst thou here have spass fun y
be thou careful with thy glass )"
" Endurance gives strength that
lasts" EDO not believe all you
hear, do not say all you know, do
not do all you would hke;" "Al-
ways hope, never fear" "Import-
ant to despise the past, we'll and ma
tureIy to contemplate the future,
well to arrange the present, and
thus peaceful life is spent :" 81
await fortune according to my idea :"
" Heart seeks heart everywhere :"
" Wisdom govern, peace reign, love
dwell, labor act, honor grace, joy re-
ward, constancy endure :" "In wa
ter you can see your face, in wine
espy others hearts :" Fret
weigh, and consider, then dare;"
u" Who has wings should soar high :"
"Cautiousness in fortune :" "Con-
stancy toward friend and Goe;"
" Noble women oft do great deeds,
even when appearing humble :"
" Some ones friend, no one's
enemy; :" "Contentment rare
art )" " Honor an oath before land
and people :" "German house, Ger
man land, guard it, God, with
mighty hand;" "Your dirk be
clear, your word true, your love
rare;" Watch and show re-
Straint,O
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

RESPONSES to prayers and SER
mons may be good if they come in
at the right place. Not so, how
ever, came in a response, recently,
to minister in an African church.
He had come down from the pulpit
to invite stranger in one of the
pews to preach for him, but was un-
successful. Brethren" said he,
~ invited Brother s. to preach,
but he Declines" "Thank God ~
roared out man from the middle of
the church
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24
N<.Ss$S

HIS SWORN What
makes this story good is that it is
true. A lawsuit involving a barge
had been bought. The plaintiff
aimed to prove that the barge was
so ill-constructed that when it was
launched the middle sank nearly
five.feet deeper than the ends. They
depended good deal on a colored
man who can be known as Charley,
because that was his name. Charley
was known to have said on a certain
day that the barge had sunk fully
five feet. Indeed, he admitted as
much to lawyer who was attorney
for the plaintiff. AT the trial this
was the way the questions and an
swers were put:
"Charley, how did the barge set
on the water when it was launched 2"
Set like duck, Jedge; yes, like
duck"
But didn't you say on the 18th
of last June that the barge had sunk
fully five feet ?"
81 mout hev, Jedge; mout hev."
"Well, how does it happen, Char
ley, that on the 18th of last June
you said the barge sunk fully five
feet and now you say the barge
fioated like duck?"
Well, you see, Jedge, on the 18th
Of June err I was jes' a-talkin', but
now I'se a-swarin', Jedge; now I'se
a-sWearin."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

A FEW workingmen were discuss
ing names of great scientists i'm Man.
chester. The name of Darwin
cropped up. One of the company,
less learned than the rest, said,
" Darwen, kna that place. Ave
been ther' mOnny a toime." "Get
out, you fo1il - said another
" We're nut talkin' about the place
called Darwen, but the mon.-
Heven't ye nivver heerd o. Dar-
wen? Why, If it hadn't been for
Darwen we s'ould all hev been
chatterin' monkeys, and nut gentle
men, like we are.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

some CURIOUS CUsTOMs.-Hin-
doo women are forbidden to read or
write. Indeed those who dare to
indulge in such luXuries are often
"accidentally" missing.
Jewish women of the higher
classes were secluded from public
life and passed their time with the
distaff and spindle. At marriage
the ceremony lasted seven DAYS,
In China wife is never seen by
her future master. Some relative
bargains for the girl, the stipulated
price is paid and she is afterward a
submissive slave.
The women of ancient Rome were
treated with the greatest respect.
Still they were not allowed to in
herit property and could be divorced
by their husbands for counterfeitinp
their keys and for wine drinking.
In Turkey woman is held in the
most rigid seclusion. She must al
ways appear veiled. With pigs and
dogs she is forbidden TO enter q
mosque and the Koran declares a
woman who is unmarried to be in a
state of reprobation.
Siberian women are raised as alb
Ject slaves, untidy in dress, and are
bought with money or cattle. The
most capricious whim of her hus-
band is law 10 the Siberian woman
and should he desire a divorce he
mas only to tear the cap from her
head.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

HE had been talking with st. Pc
ter, and was sent down to the other
gate, where he was warmly well
coined. "Why are you here ?"
asked the fallen angel who stood
guard. 81 don't know" he re-
piled. never did any wrong
l never said an unkind word about q
person in my life." Then the an
gel smiled. "That's all right" he
said, "come in. You will find the
cage for the hypocrites at the end of
the lower corridor next to the fur
mace"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24
IN him with all her batteries open,

on him with all her batteries open
so to speak.
1t was an exciting scene, and il
was made still more so by the ap
pearanCe Of Mrs. Donovan with the
mop, and DOnovan's two dogs bark.
ing their loudest; and they took
samples of Tibbs's pantaloons, and
chased Murphy's cat up tree, and
then turned on Mrs. TjbSs and
Cousin Sally, who had come out to
see what had become of Tibbs, and
drove them upon the top of the
woodpile for refuge.
Tibbs was mad, and as soon he
was able to get on his feet, he rushed
into the house and got his shotgun,
and, as he fondly believed, shot the
goat; nut investigation showed that
instead Of that he had fired a volley
of shot into Murphy's parlor win
dow and broken ffteen-dollar
looking-glass that Murphy's wife
had bought at a recent auction for
fifty cents, and Murphy has brought
an action against him for seventy
five dollars damages.
Tihbs don't hang out clothes now.
LAFFERTY SPARKLEs.-The man
who never made a mistake proba-
bly, made a failure instead.
A lazy man kills himself under
the impression that he is killing
time.
Grace to die by is good thing,
but it is well to have little for the
toothaChe.
When a heart is too small for or
dinry uses, Satan buys it for a nomi-
nal sum, and sets up venom dis
tillery.
Humility is an old-fashioned gar
ment still much admired, but most
becoming when worn by other peo-
pie.
1t takes about three score and ten
years to learn that what is ugly in
other people is not bit pretty be-
cause we do it ourselves.
And so it turned out that of all
the troubles which we worried over
during the year those which cost us
the greatest anxiety never hap
pened.
One reason why there is SO much
grumbling these hard times is be-
cause it is about the only business
that requires absolutely no capital to
begin with.
We may not see the need of the
present sorrow, but in the serious
experiences of life we need no one
to tell us that the heart that has
never known trouble is of as little
practical use as a baby rattle.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

LITTLE MARY wrote a compost
tiOn on "The Cow" 1t was brief:
1.-THE cow is very useful animal"
Her mother requested her to read it
to the minister, which she did,
amending 1t thus to suit the occa-
sion, "The COW is the most useful
animal, except religion.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

NEVER he sorry for any generous
thing that you ever did, even If it
was betrayed. Never be sorry that
you were magnanimous if the per-
son was mean afterwards. Never
be sorry that you gave it; it was
right for you to give, even if you
were imposed upon. You cannot
afford to keep on the safe side of be-
ing mean.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

THEY had not met for years.
DO you remember" he asked,
" the little sapling we planted to-
gether as hoy and girl?" Her eyes
softened at the recollection. "Yes,"
she answered, 81 remember it
we'll" THAT sapling," he con-
tinued, dreamily, "must be strong
and sturdy oak now - The softness
all died out of her eyes, and CONVEX
satiOn ceased.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

PAPA CAUGHT.-First Little Boy
What you laughing at?
Second Little Boy--Papa is
scoldin' everybody in the house,
cause he says he can't lay thing
down a minute without some one
pickin' it up an lOsin' it-he, he,
he!
"What's he lost ?"
His pencil"
Where Ia it?"
Behind his ear.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

A SENSE OF SUPERIORITY
" Phwat's thot?" asked the new
servant girl as she picked up piece
of laundry bill"
"lt's Chinese character"
Well, it's proud Oh am to say
thot Bridget O'Conner niver lift a
place wild character loike thot, an
niver will"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

A MATTER OF TAsTE.-She-
But how can you think Pm pretty
when my nose turns up so?
He-Well, ali have to say Is that
1t shows mighty poor taste In back.
Ing away from such a lovely mouth.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

GEOGRAPHICAL ITEM.--The
shortest line that can be drawn upon
the earth's surface, one end being at
the mouth of the Mississippi river
and the other at Pekin, China, will
cross the Behring straits. If you
doubt this assertion, take a large
globe and piece of thread or string
and make the measurements to suit
yOurslf
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

MODEsTY should be combined
with ambition when a young man Is
choosing profession. A preten-
tious youth in the country told his
father that he was about to leave the
farm in order to "preach the gospel
to every creature" "That's all
very WE'LL" said the old gentleman,
I" but Scriptur' don't say every
creatur' shall preach the gospel.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

PRACTICAL Father-If he says he
loves you suppose he does. But
can he support you?
Daughter--Why, papa! You
must know that it wasn't his fault
that the chair broke.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

"PAGAN BOB."-COl. Robert @.
IngersOll is not such a pagan after
all.
Recently, in speaking of the i'm
mortality Of the soul, he said: 81
have never denied the existence of
another world, nor the immortality
of the soul. For many years 1 have
said that the idea of immortality
that like a sea has ebbed and flowed
in the human heart, with its count
less waves Of hope and fear beating
against the shores and rocks Of time
and fate, was not born of any book
nor of any creed, nor of any relig-
ion. 1t was born of human affec.
tion, and it will continue to ebb and
flow beneath the mists and clouds OF
doubt and darkness as long as love
kisses the lips of DEATH"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

A DIFFERENT QUESTION
Father OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES I
should be taken away suddenly,
what would become of you, my
my boy?
Irreverent Son-I'd stay here.
The question is, What would be-
come of you?
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24
POETRY.
THE WAYSIDE PUMP.

Shake hands !" says the wayside nur,r
Best Of friends on q summer dav e"'"p'
And sweetest tafker YOU ever know
although, no doubt, 'tis true
lie speaks through his nose i'm 4 coroIose
way '''''
inaC would make preCisian iump'
Snake hands, How his arm of oak
oCretches out as you draw a-niph
=, Al ne asks is an easy stroke,
10 pour you out, as smooth as smoke
sweeter nectar than YOU could buv.
Mhat do you doubt it ?-Onlv try,
lake that cup from the rusty nail.
Hold it under the gurgling spout,
Well, how goes it, this Adam s ale
Jump away you can t pump him out
nearts like his weren t made to fail.
dhree full cupsr All you need not tell
whether you like him i'll or well.
so he stands by the dusty way
God s own landlord-and seems to saw
Drlnk your fill; there is naught to
pay! w
Thirsty horses, with nostrils wide,
Plung their heads in his messy trough,
Drlnk, and crop from the cool weIlside
"A ounch OF grassland then amble off.
And now the deep. chested oxen come.
And drain the trough at a single draft.
Their great eyes glisten, though they are
dumb,
And thank the pump for the nectar
quatfed.
The smoking team meath the load of hav
Lovingly turn their eyes that way
They, too, shall drink, for the axle
swings
And the outstretched noses kiss the cool.
Sweet stream from the spout that
springs
Like a mountain brook in a messy pool.
The farmer S dog with his lolling tongue
Laps and pants till he laps his fill.
Then the creaking wheels from the rut
are swung,
And the fragrant load sways up the hill
Dear old wayside friend.
Doing good in thy time and place,
Full of cheer as a good man s face,
Overflowing with simple grace
or giving whate 'er thou hast to spend,
Would that | were as true a man
As thou art pump, on thy humber plan !!
Out of my hands kind deeds would 90
Out Of my heart sweet love would flow
Round me all nourished life would grow,
And ev'ry pilgrim with thirst opprest
Would stop to bless me and to be blest.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

A BOY stopped catching flies all at
once, and turned to his mother and
inquired, " Ma, amt Mrs. Parsons a
nice woman, though ?" 81 guess
so-why?" she answered. Be
cause, when / was over there this
morning, she put her hand on my
head, like this, and she almost cried
as she said, Poor, dear boy! How
could your father ever think of mar.
rying that sharp-nosed, vinegared
old maid for second wife p" She
took Henry into the shed, and
while she held fast to his ear, she
informed him that 1t would be moth
ing short of death if he ever en-
tered Mrs. Parsons house again.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

GETTING EVEN.-Jones-" told
you that / would get even with
Smith, and have"
Brown" How did you do it,"
Jones'" made my wife put on
her new northumberland fifty dol.
lar sealskin sacque and go and call
on his wife,
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

TRAVELLER ito train-boy)-" Got
any funny books-Mark Twain or
any Of the humorist ?"
Train.boy-"No, sir, but I've got
couple of London papers contain
ing com ments OH the American elec-
tiOns.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

ESSAY ON MAN.-Man is an om-
niverous animal.
Some smart people call him bl-
ped, but this is a geological error.
He's just plain, everyday, two
legged animal.
Man is found in most parts of
the world.
He roams at will, feeds in the
daytime, and sleeps at night
Some nights.
He is very tame.
You can go up and put your haud
on him anywhere, so long as Won
DON'T put it on his pOcketbOok. He
has, under such conditions been
known to kick.
He is like the dog-howls q good
deal and runs around at night.
Like the elephant, he has trunk,
hut he doesn't always take it with
him.
The elephant does.
AS to what man is really good for
anthropology is still in the dark.
Being strong, he used to draw
pictures and corks, carry news and
pull revOlverS.
He is also fast and often goes in
the human race.
Properly trained man can Jump
higher than any other known ami.
mai. He has ever been known to
Jump mountain resort bills!
Although in many ways man is
like other animals, in this respect he
Is different from them all-he lies
standing up.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

ALL THE RAGE.-Cohen-" How
did you efer ged rid ohf dot pig
stock ohf ladies' baithing-suids?" ?"
Isaacstein -" Shipped dem to mine
prudder-in-law in Chicago"
Cohen" Vat! baithing.suids In
Chicago?"
Isaacstein-" No. Dey vas bicy.
cle-costumes out dere, und they vent
like hot cakes too"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

SUFFICIENT FOR HIM.-A youth
in the algebra class had handed in
his papers to the professor, and that
gentleman had found fault.
"Why is it," he asked that in all
these problems you have a V to rep
resent the unknown quantity?"
81 thought that was about right,
SIR" replied the student.
But you know that y always
represents the unknown quantity
said the professor.
Ordinarily, yes," explained
the student, "but in my case
thought it was excessive. A V is
quite sufficiently unknown to cal
forth all my ability to discover
one"
And the professor marked the
student zero.
A CATAsTROPHE.--" Mrs. O'Leary
phwat do be the matther wild tho
goat?
Is it diluvian thrimmins it how p
Worse. He how been 'atin' 81
many ballet-girruls aft the bill
boords thot he caught the skirrut
dancin' craZe.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

FORESTER examining place
where roots had been dug out)-
That must have been done either by
a wild hog or a botanist.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

1T Is the better-half that doesn't
know as much about how the other
half lives as she would like t. krow.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

A CASE OF NECEssITY.-Gotha-
mite-I hear you have Vassar
graduate for a cook. Isn't it rather
expensive?
Harlemite-Not very. She works
for her board and clothes.
Gothamite--Why, how does she
come to do that?
Harlemite--Got to. She's my
wife.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

A BICYCLE girl in Indiana got a
present from her beau. He wrote ::
"By bearer 1 send you a pair Of
bloomers. If you will wear them
tonight at church l will consider il
as proof of your affection for me-"
She tainted. The bloomers were
rDap9.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

81 sEE," said one policeman to
another, "that every trade in the
world but ours has had a great and
famous man in it,"
$50 has ours" said the other po.
liceman.
And who was that ?"
Joshua.n
"Joshua policeman ?"
"Surely. Didn't he arrest the
SUM-"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

MRS. HENPECK-It's no use talk
ing.
Henpeck (meekly)-Then what
do you do it for?
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

Try to deserve your own opinion
of yourself; and, if you think you
have succeeded say nothing about 1t.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

WE never see a citron without
thinking it should he arrested for
trying to look like a Watermelon.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24
VOLUME xxx
ON CRUTCHES WEEKS

Limb Raw as Beef and Red as Rect
Pain, Burning, and Itching Ter
rible. Not 8 Hours Sleep In
Days. Makes One ApplIca-
ton of Cutiedra and I'm
o Minutes is Asleep.
a Remarkable
Case.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24
THAS. NJ. ALDERSON,
~ ATTORNEY At LAW.

MILL practice in the Courts of
W Greenbrier and Summers and in
the State and Federal Courts at Charles
ton. Prompt attention to all business.
Office with j. E. Chiffon, 75i Capitol
street, Charleston, w. Va.
April 26-6mn.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

About two years ago l was confined TO nv
room with breaking out my leg which my
physician pronounced Eczema About thrce
weeks ago the same disease broke out again ON
the same leg, and my physician has been attend
ing me regularly, calling from once to twice
daily, the sores all the time getting worse A
friend called to see me, and brought about
one half teaspoonful OF CUTICURA, advising
me to try it, telling of himself, brothers and
mother having been cured by it. / would
not try 1t at first, although | had been on
Crutches for over two weeks, and at one time
counted between twenty-five and thirty suppur-
ating sores, and had not slept more than five
hours in three nights. Monday morning about
four O'Clock the pain, burning and itching be-
came so severe that determined to try CUTI-
CCkA, thinking that IL it did no good, 1t could
not make my leg much worse, for 1t was as raw
as piece of beef and as red as n beet, SO 1
applied the CUTICURA, and in five minutes after
laid down was asleep. Next day sent and
got box OF CUTICuRA, and I'll pledge my honest
word would not take 500 to-day for it, IL I
could not get another. 1 commenced using
CUTiCURA Monday morning about four O'clock
ana to-day CTteSday) my leg is nearly we'll, not
withstanding had not walked a step without
my crutches in two weeks. My gratitude to the
man who first compounded CUTICURA is pro-
found. May God bless him.
L. L. FRAZIER, South Boston, Va.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

HIGH and dry-a thirsty giraffe.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24
GALE HOUSE,
COVINGTON VA.

CONVICTION VA.
HI RST-CLASS accommodations
One dollar and a.half per day
Bar attached. Special attention given
To orders from distance. Good Ii.
quors at 81 90, $3.50, $500 and up
Send us an order.
J.-F. GALE, Prop'r.
June 7-1y.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-24

WEDLoCK should never be bolted