The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-03-13
A PANACEA FOR ALL ILLS.
The Philosophy of Bacon and the Secret
at Last Discovered for It's Universal
Diffusion among the Masses.


To the Editor of the Mcws and Cou-
rier l don't mean the philosophy Of
Lord Bacon, but the philosophy cf
lord hog, much more important phi
losophy-that sort of bacon is, if one
is spelt with big B and the other
with a little b. The world can get
along very we'll without the philosophy
of Lord Bacon, but it would be poor
get along without the philosophy Of
bacon The philosophy Of bacon is
philosophy that the mostignorant and
the biggest fool can take in, which is
great thing in its favor.
The philosophy Of bacon is not in
ductive, but productive, and produc-
tive Of that strength that builds rail
roads, stirs up the ground, and in
short, makes things go. Civilization
marches not to the music Of the
spheres, but to hog chimes. Plenty
Of bacon means a plenty to eat, greasy
collards and cabbages, and not short,
but shortened, biscuits and corn bread.
Is there anything better than "crack-
ling corn bread p And plenty to
eat makes a prosperous and happy
country. A man that has got plenty
of bacon can have full stomach, and
that is better than full pocket and
plenty Of bacon, which means a
plenty to eat-for if you have got
plenty of that you can always get the
other things that are lacking with that
means happy home. There would
be many family jar that would be
kept down if the lard jar was kept
we'll filled.
How often have I wished when that
lard jar was empty that all my family
belonged to that large and respectable
denomination that holds the hog and
all his products as denominations. But
this feeling don't last any longer than
can get some more lard for frying
| and "shortning," and then I feel like
the darky who once asked me: "Wha
de Jew beleebe ?" I said: "Well,
for one thing, Jews think it great
sin to eat hog meat" and then l
| started to tell him something else
about them, but he said: "Dat
| will do, I ent wanter yeddy no mo
bout dem. Dat one church lie neber
jine. Is sish people hab good sense :?
One thing sho, dis niger will neber
jine de Jews"
Here's another philosophy in bacon.
I just believe that it would do more to
harmonize matters in politics and
bring all the factions in the Demo-
| cratic party-the Reformers and the
Straightouts, and the Democrats and
Republicans-tog than all the
| appeals and propositions that are
being made will ever do. If there
| was plenty of bacon in the country
there wouldn't be such hunger and
fighting for Office, for that is just what
politics is now, trying to get bacon
out of the public Offices which are now
regarded as so many smoke houses by
the hungry politicians and Office seek
ers. Men that have got their own
smoke houses filled don It bother much
with the public smoke houses. A.
plenty Of bacon now in South Carolina
would be like oil on the troubled wa
ter.
A gentleman in Edge6eld soon after
| the war hired an Irishman and sailor
right off the sea to haul wood out OF
| the woods to wood rack that he was
supplying with wood at railroad
station. The Irishman's team were
| too oxen at the wheels and an old
mare, jimmy, in the lead. The Irish
man was carrying his first load to the
| rack. The owner of the team showed
| him how to load, brought him out of
| the woods and put him in the road to
the rack about mile off. He said to
the son Of old Erin: ''Drive on to
| the station and up to the wood rack,
and stay there until come and I'll
| show you how to put the wood in the
rack. 1 have left something at the
house that I have got to get. Pat
drove on and got to the rack at the
railroad all right, and thinking that all
would be right left his team and ran
up to grog shop that was near by to
get drink before his boss came. But
when Pat got back from getting his
"pull," maybe too or three Of them,
he found his team in a frightful condi-
tion. Both oxen had gotten over on
che same side Of the wagon tongue,
and had turned round and got their
heads to the wheels, and could jim.
n.y." the mare, in the confusion, had
got tangled up in the gears and had
got her head to the oxen, and they
were all pulling back as hard as they
could right down towards the railroad
| track. Pat, who had just come off the
| sea, and knew more about ships than
teams, and couldn't talk anything but
sea language, set up an awful hollerin
and cry of distress, which soon brought
| his employer to the scene Of danger:
Dashing up on his horse he hollered
out, "What in the world, Pat, is the
matter here, that you are making such
| an awful fuss to alarm the whole
country p And Pat, who was care
full to keep out Of the way Of the team,
| who the more he hollered the worst
they did, said very excitedly, "The
cardboard OK has got over on the star
board side and 'old jimmy has run
foul Of the riggings, and they are all
going starn cen foremostto the divil.
And that's a pretty good picture Of
South Carolina at the present. could
| jimmy" has certainly run foul of the
riggings." But I believe that plenty
of bacon would straighten the riggings
out and get ould Jimmy all right again.
If we just had plenty of bacon before
| the Constitutional Convention meets,
| they come together band of jolly
good fellows, and there'd come no
harm to the State, nor to any part or
faction of the people. 1t is the hun
cry fellows that are to be dreaded.
And last, if we had more bacon and,
Of course, plenty Of other good things
to go with it, maybe we'd have better
preaching. q do hope all my mem
| bers will read this.) I heard wise
old preacher say once that a preacher
was very much like a wheel that ran a
heap easier and better for being we'll
| oraosad Good co11ntrv raised hams