West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1895-08-01
OLD MAN BOWSER
TAKES A DOSE or nANDRUTT
ERADtCAr0R AND 1T NEARLY
KILLS HIM.

ooy rang the bell and delivered n
package. Mrs. Bowser answered
the bell in person, aud as she re-
entered the sitting-room with it in
her hand she sand
This seems to DO for you, and |
guess it's bottle"
lt was a quart bottle. MIR. Bow.
ser slowly removed the paper and
then held the bottle up to the light
and shook it and observed:
Eyes, he said he'd send it over
this evening. i think III take a
dose right away"
"Is it patent medicine?" asked
Mrs. Bowser with a tingo OF sar.-
casm in her tones.
Suppose it is patent mediciner'
he demanded as he bristled up and
gared at her over tho bottle.
"For your personal benefit, how
ever, will say that there is moth
Ing patent about it. 1t is com.
pound prepared in the laboratory
OF the most noted chemist in thu
country. l suppose the formula
has been copyrighted, but they
don't patent such things the same
as they do washing machines"
What use are you going to mako
OF it1"
"What use! 1t is just like me
to pay three dollars for bottle of
invlgorator and then chuck it into
rat hole or feed it to the cats, ism {
i'll I've felt the need Of OF it for
the last two months"
81 didn't know that you were
run downin health, persisted Mrs.
Bowser.
"ohl you didn'tl" he hotly ex-
claimed, as he ceased shaking the
bottle. "That shows what sort of
wifely wife you arel Some wives
are not blind whensa husband loses
five pounds of flesh a week and has
a dozen undertakers itching to
measure him for coffin, but you
haven't discovered that anything
was wrong. IL the doctor was to
drop in and say that | couldn't live
till morning it would be quito a
surprise to you, wouldn't it?'
"Youswero dancing around tho
other day and telling how coltish
you felt, and so naturally suppos-
cd your health was all right. -"
al danced around. didIl said
! felt coltish did i Never, Mrs.
Bowser-never! Why on earth
you want to sit there and tell such
stuff and nonsense is more than [
can make outl That is your policy,
however--opposition. IL | was dy-
ing you'd oppose my taking any.
thing to restore me to health. Are
you anxious fof mo to die? DO YOU
want my life insurance on which to
cut swell2 Have you tried
mourning and found that it i'm
proved your looks? Woman, / de-
mand to know why you use me
thus ?'
In his excitement Mr.. Bowser
got up and dropped the bottle and
picked it up and walked about,
with his face very red and his toes
inclined to crack.
"1f you didn't buy so much stuff
| shouldn't say word" explained
Mrs. Bowser, as he finally came to
a halt. "You are always getting
tonics and sarsaparillas and blood
purifiers and invigorators and cures
for this or that, and after dose or
two you set the bottle away and
never touch it again. ] was look
ing through the cupboard yester-
day and found"
"That will do, Mrs. Bowser, that
will dol" ho interrupted as he
waved the bottle around his head.
You talk about my buying stuff.
In the last year ! have bought Just
one bottle of cough medicine. Two
doses OF it effected a cure and / put
the bottle away. If you found ten
thousand bottles In the cupboard
YOU put them there Yourself. We
will drop all that and speak Of this
bottle. | am all run down. !
have chills, fever, cold sweats, inA
somnla, lassltude and general de.
bility. II / go on I'm a dead man
inside Of two months. n take
this preparation / am restored to
health inside Of two weeks. Shall
take IL or noti"
why yes, Of course, il you
think it will do you any good. &"
"Any good ! What's It for eT-
cept to do me good I'm not TAX
ing It TO blow my head off, am f?
A noted physician doesn't send an
invigoratOr out into the world to
Kill of his fellow men, does he (?
The object is to invigofate-tone
up-~cure-4make q man OF a man. I"
Mrs Bowsor had no moro, 60 say.
She was sorry she had said as much
as she had. Mr. Bowser was
bound 20 take that inyieorator
whether or no, and the bess way
was TO hope It would do him good
though there wasn't a healthier
and more robust man in town.
"Pll take dose nov and anoth
or at bedtime, no said as he headed
for the basement, "aud II you don c
see a change ia me even by TO NOR