The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1895-07-23
ALLEGED FUN.

Now, lovelier far the landscape looks,
And sing the whipporwills;
Book agents are delivering books,
And late mOsquitOes-bil!s.
what would you do without doc
torso" "Well, we might get along, but
what would the druggists do9"
He pleading) Would you love me
if I we're rich2 Shell can't say as to
that, but I'd probably marry you.
An Iowa publisher acknowledges the
receipt of an egg which Twas laid on
our table by Rev. Mr.. Smith. -PWck.
He is constant in his attentions and
seems a perfect gentleman, but Idetest
him" "And yet he is a man after your
own heart"
Mabel-My father was a remarkably
What a plain woman your mother
must have been!
He: "Wiil you give me one kias9"
She: eff I let you have one will you be
satisfied" He: "Never!" She: Then
take it."-DetrOit Tribune.
He-Music hath charms to soothe a
savage. She-You wouldn't think so
if you had heard papa's remarks the
other night after you had been sing
ing.
What delicious mince pies youhave,
Mrs. Nuvvo! I'd like to see your
recipe" said the guest. "They aren't
paid for yet" " said Mrs. Nuvvo, meekly.
Judge.
TOMMY looked through the key
hole when SIS was in the parlor with
her beau last night. Father-What
did you find out, my son3 Tommy
The lamp, sir.
"Well," said Miss Elder, 81 know
from experience that marriage is a
failure" ''You9" exclaimed Mrs. Eos
dick. You were never married"
That's how I know" added the spins
ter with a sigh.
Ada: "Are you going to him for
a breach of promise9" Elsie: mo; my
lawyer says I haven't any a S You
see, Dick always signed his letters
without recourse '"-L9e.
Joneg-Allow me to congratulate
you. I hear you have married an &C
tresg. Smith-You are mistaken, 1t is
another Smith. Jones-It is, eh? Then,
sir, allow me to congratulate you all
the more at your lucky escape.
"Tnat's a perfectly true saying, isn't
it, that the most interesting things in
the world to men and women are men
and women9' "Not at all, it is quite
the reverse. The most interesting
things in the world to men and women
are women and men,"
ST can't see why bread should remain
at the same price when wheat and
-four have come down So" my dear
bow. the main things in bread are water
and air. Neither one is a cent cheaper
than it was at the close of the war;
Indianapolis Journal.
She: "You know, Reggie, that girls
are being called by the names of flow
ers now, and my sister suggested that
I should be called thistle" Reggie:
"Oh, yes, I see; because you are so
sharp" ':Oh, no; she said, it was be-
cause a donkey loved me."-BostOn
GLOee.
Street car driver Ito passenger).
"Why don't you put down that heavy
satchel2 You'll break your back hold
ing it up" Passenger: BE COB, thin
little harses has got all they can do to
dhrag this big kyar and the load that's
in it. I'll carry the bag mesilf. Chi
cogo Tribune.
Oh, them feIIers up in Congress! they're a
wrangli all the time,
Fer they think they're big pertaters, an they
know they're big per diem;
An they make the longest speeches that was
ever said or wrote,
But they amt a-goin' to git there till they
Vote!
VoteI
They hear the people shouting, with the loudest
But they'll keep on with the spouting till we all
For the hardest work before 'em-an the coun-
Cry's takin' note
Is to buckle down to business, an to
Atlanta Constitution.