The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1895-03-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

She-And what would you be now if
it weren't for my money? He-A bach
elor-PaH Mall Budget
The man who stops long enough to
pose as a reformer will never reform
anything. -GaireSt0n Ne,CS.
The American belle cares very little
for free ballot just so you will give her
a fair count. GdlCeStOH NeICS.
Miss Gotham-Have you any papa
and mamma, little boy? Newsboy-
No, mum; me fam'ly's abroad.-Iruth.
j would die for you." insisted the
rich old suitor. 20! it's very easy to
promise, rejoined the maiden skeptical-
ly.-Judge.
what barbarians these Asiatics are"
exclaimed one pugilist. Yes, replied
the other. They are actually fight
ing."- Washington Star.
He-Charlotte, l love you; can you
not return my affection? She-Im
afraid I'll have to, as l have no use for
it.-PH:sburg Bulletin,
Ave had an addition to the family
yesterday. B-Congratulate you, old
man; boy or a girl? A-Neither;
mother-in-law.-Iru
Floral don't always do unto others
as I'd have others do unto me. Clara
OF course not. 1t isn't girls place
to propose to man.-LJe.
You are familiar with Homer, of
course?" said Taddels to Whitfet. "Ho-
mer?" repeated Whiffet. What is his
first ame?"-Harpcr'S Bazar.
what is the trouble, Wadleigh, be-
tween you and Miss Hopson?" Il call
ed her Sweet Alice and she ordered
me to Bolt. "-Detr0H Free Press.
Jilson, who has been reading history,
says in Queen Elizabeth's time wom-
ans toilet seems largely to have been a
ruff and ready one.-Butal0 Courier.
Watts-Were there ever any Irish
coins issued? Potts-Of course. There
are thousands of Irish coppers circula-
ting, even now. Cincinnati Tribune.
Clara-Were there any marrying men
down at the beach last summer? Cora
Yes; there were two ministers and
u justice of the peace.-IonberS States
man.
Allow do you know that Mailer has
come in for fortune? B-Why, form
erly people always said he was crazy;
now they say he is original.-LuStige
Btatter.
Alas" exclaimed Fogg, striking his
empty pocketbook. would that man
were like pie crust; then the shorter he
is the richer he would be.-BoStoH TruJa-
script
They tell me your servant is jewel ;"
said the caller. Yes" replied the
hostess YEARLY, she's SO much more
ornamental than useful. - Hartford
COuraht.
for man to sleep is to think of moth
ing. Kidder-But they are wrong. The
way to sleep is to think it is time to get
up.-Vogue.
What warrant have you for thinking
that Shakespeare was broker?" 20,
none, only the fact that he has furnish
ed so many stock quotations. "-Lqdial1-
ap0iiS journal.
Little Girl-Did you ever dream of be-
ing in heaven? Little Boy-Not exact
ly; but | dreamed once that l was right
in the middle of a big apple dumping.
Good NeCS.
There's something in the heir" ex-
claimed Youngdad to Mrs. Youngdad,
as he saw the baby give a sudden grab
at his abdominal region and yell with
pain.-Butal0 Courier.
Mr.. Delawanna-Are you regular
plumber? Mccarthy l guess /
can fill the bill, boss. Mr.. Delawanna
-Humph! You're not much of one if
you can't.-Broohiyn Life.
Thinkitt-Who is that man who is
praising New York SO extravagantly?
A New Yorker, | suppose? Knowitt-
Oh, no.-its an English actor whose
season begins here next week.
Askem-What do you policemen do
when you feel in the need Of eXercise?"
| Officer No 999-Don't know how it is
with the others, but | Just 60 out and
take a tramp. Butalo Courier.
Cholly-I wondah where-ah-Algy
pwocures his beautiful accent, dontcher
know? Dolly-Why, didn't the dear
boy tell you? He has all his teeth di-
wect -LOndon.-JeUtSh Mes
scRger.
"What was the principal object of in
terest in America when you were there?'
The eminent British novelist looked at
his questioner with chilling scOrn and
replied: Il was, of course. . WaShihg-
| ton Star.
She daughter of millionaire Real
| ly, Mr.. Price, | don't understand what
you find attractive in me. He with
emotion)-Ah, can it be your father :
daughter who asks me that?-Butat0
| Courier.
Cholly-Won 800 on the game to-
day. Chappie-Good. Let's 90 on q
regular tear. Cholly-All right. Wait
alb, couple of Worcestershire sauce
cocktails and bunch of cltbeb cigar.
ettes,-Iru
She-I-I-think l like you, Mr..
Trotter. But | cannot marry and leave
my twin sister alone. Wait until she i
engaged. He-Yes - but - er-that'
just what she said when | proposed e
her. -Hariem Lite.
Chesney-Women would never be
able to vote seriously. Radbourn-
Why not? Chesney = Because they
would want to 90 round and get sam
| pies of the candidates before making VI
their minds. -Harlem Life.
Watts-AIrs. Potts just looked stun
ming in her new outfit this afternoon.
| Mrs. Watts How was she dressed?
| Watts-I can't exactly describe the rio,
except that it had these pneumatic
sleeves. - Cincinnati Tribune.
"What this country needs, said Mr..
Kickles, us an elastic currency" Yes, u
replied his wife. Il notice it in my
| shopping. What the country needs is a
currency that'll stretch so as to make
81 90 as far as So Washington Star.
Wfe-Cousin Clara needs a new pen.
knife and | would like to give her one
of mine; but people say that tie gift Of
knife will cut friendship. Husband
| Have no fear. No knife that one wom-
an gives another will cut anything
| Judge.