davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
EASY" "sAYSBOWsER
HE WAS SQUEEZING sTovEPlPE BE-
 FORE MRS. 8. WAS BORN.
He Throws on His Coat and Goes to Work
 With Great Confidence, but When the Climax Comes He Wants to See a Law
Conxrirht. Isas. by Charles R. Lewis.

With Great Confidence, but When the
 Climax Comes He Wants to See a Law
 yer.
 (Copyright. 1895. by Charles B. Lewis.l
 You know that mother will be hero tomorrow" said Mrs Bowser at dinner the other evening.
 "Yes, I remember, " replied Mir Bowser, and I shall be glad to see her. If all mothers-in-law had been like her. the funny men couldn't have worked off a single joke about it"
 ''She will have the side bedroom up stairs"
 "An right"
 But as the furnace doesn't seem to heat that room sufficiently I thought I'd put up small stove"
 That's the correct thing, my dear.''
 Tho girl got the stove up therc this afternoon, but she couldn't put the pipe together"
 "Just so, Mrs. Bowser and you want me to do it. All right"
 1T was going to ask you to telephone to stove man. What for? When the time comes that I cant jerk three or four lengths of stove pipe together, I'd better retire 10 an asy- | lum."
 "Bus you-you''-
 Will lose my temper, ehG Not much! I'm us placid as a millpond and could set up 40 joints of stovepipe without a wink If all husbands were as calm and good natured as am, this would be far better world, Mrs. -Bowser. I'll trot up and fix things and be down again inside of five minutes" " Mir. Bowscr reached the room mention ed to find three joints of pipe and an el- bow awaiting him. He threw off his coat and picked up two of the joints All ends werc exactly of the same size. He changed ends, but found them the same. He placed the three joints in line, but the same fact was still apparent. He was pondering over it when Mrs. Bowser entered the room and handed him the hammer and said:
 You may need this. One end must be squeezed into tho other, of course. If you think you can't''--
 Mrs Bowser, what did come up here for"
 ITO put up the stovepipe, dear | Exactly I know how to do it. I'm going to do it. I was squeezing stovepipe together before you were born. I was sim ply wondering if the man who invented stovepipe was n fool or lunatic. Pn be down in a minute.'
 When she had gone, he dropped down on his knees and began working at two joints There was something wrong-just a trifle somewhere. If he squeezed at one spot n bulge appeared in another When
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16

bushes, grizzly bears and bullfrogs. Tn {. dim, uncertain way ha has heard of the west and has mnde memorandum as fol. lows: Considerable land, such as 1t is; a few people, such as they are; wolves, bars, Injuns and landslides. Generally used in connection with the star of empire. Nev- CT crowd out n cough syrup nd. to say any. thing about the west" The New York editor sometimes goes over to Europe or is so reported. but never travels in any other direction. The report that one was once seen as far away as St. Louis turned out to Do false.
 As stated, this editor has decided to visit us. We hope to make things so pleasant for him that others will come, and In time the average New York editor will discover that the sun does not set in Jersey City. We ask as special favor that while our guest is here all shooting irons Do worn out of sight. We shall car " our guns in our boot legs during his stay. He will probably wear n plug hat, and if the boys will abstain from shooting at it we will open n half barrel of beer aft CT his departure. He may wear patent leather shoes or something fancy in calf skin. but we ask the crowd not to shoot the heels of. If there arc hind buttons on his coat, let them remain there. They are n temptation, of course, hut VIC are only asking in this one case. Our friend will of course visit the city hall. While there we hope and trust that old Jim Hew- son will not ride his broncho up stairs ol shoot at the gilt ball on the flagstaff. He will attend the meeting of the common council with us and be introduced to all the aldermen, and We ask Alderman Mur- phy in particular not to move the previous question and oblige us to pull our gun. Ns, saf hsI. . Thn with us let us as people so conduct our selves that he will go away with favor able impression and do us justice after ward. As soon as he has departed we will lower the flag on TIE KICKER office, and the boys can begin to shoot and yell and be happy again. We hope that our per sonal appeal to public We have lived among for tho last five years will not bc in vain. NJ. QUAD
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16

your hands in your coat pockets as you walk, and you love peanuts"
 "Yes'm, but huw''-
 Easiest thing in the world Hold up your fingers and sec tho peanut shucks under your nails. You love to sit and think and think"
 Yes, think do, but
 Do not trifle with me, bad man! The man who thinks always pulls at the lobe of his right ear. You have pulled the lobe down a full inch. You smoke nickel ci- gars"
 Excuse me, ma am, but I''-
 No lying, sir. There is Q piece of the wrapper of cigar sticking to your coat My eyes tell me that it is Connecticut to- bacco and consequently cheap. Your over coat wayin pawn all summer"
 Great heavens! But did you see me go into tine pawnbroker'
 No, sir. The pawnshop folds are not yet out of it, and part of the ticket still remains tied to n buttonhole. In coming from Podunk you passed redheaded girl riding a white horse. Do not deny it. for here arc the proofs: She passed you to windward and here arc rcd and white hairs sticking to your overcoat. Before starting out this morning you wrote let ter.''
 
 II knew it by the ink spots on your cuff and the piece of envelope you are still chewing. You came to ask my services to detect robbrr."
 Yes"
 ''When you woke up this morning, you missed money out of your pocket?"
 II did"
 And the hall window was half way up?'
 Tt was but how And one of your socks was lying on the roof of the shed?'
 But tell me''--
 Yes, I'll tell you. Your wife got up at midnight and swiped you for $l3.75. She stuck a pin in her foot as she moved about, and she parked her shins on a chair in re- turning from the hall, but with these eyi- dences before you you suspected nothing Return home, grab her by the hair and demand your money. That's all No fao Good dav
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
Poor, but Proud.

Rambling Raggsy-Will yer please give me a dime sir, to get suthin to eat:
 Citizen-What can you get for a dime: R. RI kin get plate of hash fur nickel, sir. cents?
 R, R.-That. sir, Is fur n tip fur the waitcr-Eew York Press.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
A RELIC OF THE PAST
THE sUNDlAL BEFORE THE OLD
 COURTHOUSE AT ST. LOUIS.
Views of the JAnitor-A Man Who Is as Quaint as the Dial ItseIf-Ftne Paintings That Cost Right Smart Hcap-The Past Linked to tho Present.
Especial Correspondenec.l

Linked to the Present.
 Especial COrrespondenccl
 ST. LOUIS, Jan. 7.-Although this in- teresting old city is gradually ridding it. self of many of the pecuiiarities that have heretofore stamped it as moro of an old time southern than a modern western town, the transformation is still far from complete, and 1t Is this very survival of an occasional feature of other days that ren- ders tho place entertaining to the curious visitor
 Standing within a by foot inelosuro of iron fence, near the white painted old courthouse. for instance, is an iron post, topped with a broad. fat, circular plate Rising from the center of the plate Is a triangular projection, and there Is an iron hinged cover attached, evidently intended to be closed when the weather is bad Such a contriyance is n rare sight nowa- days anywhere, but it would have been n poor sort of town indeed five or six dec ades ago. especially in the southwest, that was without one, and no one would have been at loss regarding its use But there is not day in a twelvemonth these modern times, so the courthouse janitOr told me today, that some stranger does not inquire curiously about tho one in the St. Louis courtyard.
 But of cO'se," said he rcfiectiyely, pull ing his chin whisker and turning his quid of shaved plug in his cheek. "theah's not many but what knows it's a sundial when they comes to examine ii. It's a fine dial, that. You see, it's running just as good as it did when 1t was first put theah. And many's the fine gentleman. with his kid gloves OH, that steps up tO that theah old dial, snh, at noon and sets his gold watch by it. They all know, suh, that, notwithstanding n sundial is old fashioned, they ain't no going back on sun time, suh.
 They use to he two sundials to this heah co'thousc. You kin sec the post ot the othah one out theah on the othah side of the yahd But the dial paint is gone forevah, suh. You see theys n DOW 'ful
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
N.a.&H. Railfoad Time Table
 June II. 1884.
 N.rc.TrI,K DIVISION

Trains leave Waterbury ss follows: sor NEW YuRK-6.o5. SIP, 10:S0 & III l,2s' SIS, +4oum m. Sunday, AIS ? m.
 Ra-,,rD S.O0.6.O0 8 00. 1s.0S a III :1Oo. 4u>o.v' h. sunday. 600 a m.
 sor SFW HAVEN, via Derby Juncur:. 6fS, si3 10 S0 8 n :: l .3s. 3.25. 5.63 ? m. R-turu wa Derby Junction. 7oo. io d m. I3S1 1s7 5.3l 7.35 V. III. Suntay. @l" III. IF NEW H AvEN NEW LONDON, vtr~ via Naug4tuck Junction |, 70 ? III. For BRfDGEPORT-6o5 sl2 lo5o m : iss, S.25 40. 5.5S ? m. sunday t,.S ? m; RatIlrn at S. SIP 9.+0 III l2 o0 240'S S'' ''" nm. Sundays IS III.
 Snr ASSONIA-6OS. STA. lO.50 n l.+s SIS 10 E 53 : ,00 lnlixedf ? m SGndaY t-io Return at 1i3, s.54 lO2l. III l2-3l sel. o.lo SIS D m sunday s. .46 III.
 WATERrOWN-6.4o Ss}S. Il.iI II t5a s-i! 7.o4p Rl Satur,!ay 915 r n. ., Return at 6.Ao I.4O. 70 -2O III 2.5o. 4So S 5o s,,, fHoIASFJN-s3i lIla m; 3-e'. S9. pm. sunday s-t3 n.
 Return at T.+S. iJ.2N q n 1-sS o-<o ' tA' Sunday SAT 2 n. ..o For TORRINGTON-s-S -S. l'.l2 Ill '"'4' 0Ss' pm. Sunday 9-1S al. ,, Fl, Return at 7.21. lo-eH m @~S"' '''' F " Sunday. B ?. m. , R,r WINSTED-s.33. Il1l a. m: i.S3 6-A9 r Ill sunday. 2 $ Ill. ~ Return al OO. s,40 a, in.: 2.d5. +-t- | H' sunday. 3-Oo T, I'll.
 CT. HAMPSTEAD. 'iea Pa~~ Agent
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
As 1t May Re.

How much ought I to pay this cab man?' inquired the stranger of the gen tlemanly policeman.
 "Oue moment, please, " said the police man, who had just finished preparations for his civil service examination, until I consult my handbook on Moral Duties and Economic Rights of Strangers and Cabmen. ''-Chicago Record
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
How to Develop the Chest.

Every night and morning practice kneading the chest with the arms crossed that is, rub the right side with the left hand, and vice versa, about 100 times. This will increase the chest one- fourth of an inch monthly and the arms In proportion.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
4 Soldering Reflection.

T can tell you, baron. that when my offer of marriage was rejected by the prima donna was so miserable that was on the point of throwing myself cut of the window"
 What prevented you?"
 Tho height"-karlsbaden Wochcn- blatt.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
Effect of Cholly's Appearance.

Cholly-I trust, Miss Sharpe. that you don think that when I met that dog ran away because-aw-beCause I was afraid.
 Miss Sharpe (generously )-Oh, no, in deed. If any one was scared, it should have been tho dog.-Chicago Tribune
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
New York < Mex EngIa0o sssenxsr Train service Oct 2s, lsN.

SSSSnkeF Tram SSIFtSt'. Cti -0' 49'H. Trains leave Waterbury for oOSTON-345 45 ' 80 IT l.o0. 3 S5 ? III. PROVIDENCE-S.4S .30 Q m 4.tN 3AS I Il NEW YORK via Brewster -S:n3 a. III S.lo ? III NURCESTER-S. 7.3o s III 3N'o ? I'll. NEW LOSDON-1So q III Ion 3,A5 ' ul PUTNAM-8.45 .45 7.3n III i.uh. 3.5S [ n NILLIMAN rIC-3.45 80 a Fl 1.0p a.55 l. III SPRINGFIELD -9.o5 III S.55 D ID. HARTFORD-S.45 7.3o. 9-o5. l1;!5 Ill. l.oa
 S.55 SIS r. ID
 NEW BRITAIN -3.t5 7.3o, s6 -0-t' n lc9 pLAINSfLIE@ S;iS iitI A 7.sa. sna 10 AS n 10. BRrS FOL- 4, 7.sn, e.os ss lo'
 S.55. SIS r m
 rERRYVfLLE LE-;~rr, 9O5. io,+a 5 m tyoo 5 B. WATERSILLE .5o a.95, ,lO.45a III 3.Sa SIS | m WEST CH hS HIRE 4,31. s,31 a III. 4.30 r III MERIDEN 4.31, S.31 a III. 4&o ? m. liROMW ELI S.,tO q III. aH r Isl. UNION CITY N,o5 Ill :, 2.l0 ? m SCUTHFORD--S0 a Ill , 10, r m. P0MPERACG VALLEY -s o5 il, Fl" SANDY HOOK \ us a Il 2Io. ? n. HAWLEYVILLE- -S.l5 III ,. 10. r In DANRURY a III 2.lh y Ill N.25. I III HRFWSTERS -S 01 d IT 2.lO, Il.&5 r III FISHkILi. ON HCDSON-S.o5 8 n 2.In ? m as-Btngham3-nn. Elmira JaTo >town. tleVe
 lani. Akron anI Chicago so n III 2,lop III
 Slnia, t.,it.s- Vartf >rd and B 'stou
 S'' Il Ill '''' MM.R. BABCoCE.
 Gen Pass Agent. Boston.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
Had RPeu There.

At medical examination a young as- pirant was asked. When does mortifica- tion ensues'
 When you propose and are rejected. 7" was the reply that greeted the amazed cx- aminer -Anonymous
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
A Weeks Work In Birmingham.

It is said that weeks work in Bir- minghanl, England, comprises, among it's various results, the fabrication of II, O0O,- 900 pens, d,Ou0 bedsteads, 1000 guns, 800 000, GOO cut nails, 100, GOO buttons, 1,o00 saddles, 5, ,OOO, 900 copper or bronze ealns. %. OO0 pairs of spectacleS
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
Mormon Church I'm w~.t Virginia,

HINTON, W. Va. Jan. 1h-B H. Bur man, a Mormon elder. has organized church of his faith at Grapevine. in thii county, with a4 members.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
Quite pronar

T saw train held up yesterday, re marked Bagshot 10 Gumdrop. "Whcre:"
 At q church wCddinc ''-Truth.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
After the snow.

After the snow The cold stars hav" a brighter glow, The skies band hlucr. and we gu, With mrrrier heart beats to and fro After the snow. After the snow
 The water pipes no longer flow, The plumbCr makes his rounds. and, oh. Our income pays not what We owe After the snow,
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
Weather Forecast

Rain; warmer; eastsrly winds
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16
Always Wear i

Tat4fcu'Y o..: "5':
 LA, F., ,,~ ,1r4es iot 'r .,d N g. R. R. Sfnrrnsriy the V fer ur. AaI-e sbIe Irou Ca grs,ands) and beng Il %s" R sIsr NJ aker. aIsa pretEAresf la | sN ,.uS Ssiler Water TaDk, tlke St&cA. iaF tisS Lu P,,rnsoes AnneaiIng Paus, ate tni n 'et lr,'L Work of all Descrtptin1S- ofu@F N A ' VI -aseiys prompt @ttentLnn
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16

he tapped with the hammer on one side. the other immediately displayed n can tankerous disposition. There are six ends to three joints of stovcpipc.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1895-01-16

.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-12

performance. and yesterday his face
and hands broke out with an irritating
eruption. He has experienced moth
ing of the kind before, and is in
clined to think it is due to the water
he used in washing up after the per-
Torrance. He placed himself under
DR.. Car;er's care today.
Nicholas Ferkel had Frank Nufer.
q driver for the Rock Island Brewing
company. before Magistrate Schroe
der yesterday afternoon, charged
with false accusation and abusive
epithets. The case was continued
until next Monday morning. The
trouble grows of Nufer's inability to
locate q set of harness, which he dis
covered missing from his barn a few
days since. He concluded that Fer
kel was the guilty man, went to his
house. accused him of the theft and
demanded the harness. throwing in q
little strong language as an accom-
paniment. Ferkel vows ignorance
as to the whereabouts of the missing
property. and wants the scalp of his
accuser.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-12

All parties desiring to coast on the
Twentieth street hill NAV have the
use of Twentieth street from Eigh-
teenth to Seventh avenue for such
purposes Tuesday, Thursday and
Saturday afternoons from to 6
O'Clock and each night this week and
thereafter Except Sunday night un-
til further notice. An officer will be
present to keep order.
THOMAS j. MEDILL, JR., Mayor.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-12
The Modern Invalid

Has tastes incidentally, in keeping
with other Injuries. A remedy must
be pleasantly acceptable in form,
purely wholesome in composition.
truly beneficial in effect and entirely
free from every Objectionable quail
ity. If really i'll he consults a ply
stefan; if constipated he uses the
gentle family laxative Syrup of Figs.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-12
Amusements.

1.-The Derby Mascot" which ap-
pears at Harper's theatre tomorrow
night, is said to be onesof the really
big melodramatic productions of the
year, in view of the fact that it car
ries all the appurtenances actually
necessary for the production of q
spectacular performance. In con-
junction with the herd of thorough
bred race horses. they have several
donkeys. The scenes, of course. are
decidedly sensational, as will befit
the country wherein they are placed,
and are of thrilling interest. The
play opens at the race track. Dallas,
Tex, on Derby day. The rival can
didates for the race are in love with
Nellie Cheneworth, daughter of a
wealthy southener. Each desire to
win the event (the Derby in hope
of winning the more important prize,
the Texan beauty. One Of them re-
sorts to villainy to secure his end.
and upon this simple story the plot
revolves. The exciting event is the
race. and it is said to be the most
realistic ever presented on the stage.
A grand open air scene introducing a
high order of specialties is given as
an annex to the usual big racing
event. 1t is hardly necessary to
state that the production will be
magnificently staged and that the
company will be entirely in keeping
with the remarkable production. and
includes Katie Rooney in a delight
fully quaint role. as well as an imita-
ton of her father, Pat Rooney.
A well known New York bank
president was so much impressed
with "Men and Women" as lesson
upon the evils of specializing, that
he bought seats for his whole force
of clerks. A more forcible illustra-
ton of the misery and ruin due to
has never been put upon the stage
Messrs. DE Mile and Belasco have
only to take the newspapers to get
their facts for this drama. This play
will be the attraction at Harper's
theatre next Saturday night. by the
Frohman company.
The German brothers, of minstrel
fame, have made an instantaneous
success in their new musical comedy,
The Gilhoolys Abroad" in which
they appear at the Burtis next Sun
day evening. The comedy is filled
with bright musical gems, new
dances and entertaining specialties
of all kinds. The Germans are a
host in themselves, and have a mum
Der of new and clever individual hits
to offer this season.
Monday, Feb. IS, Lillian Russell
will make notable production at
the Chicago opera house. The
sumptous revival of The Grand
Duchess" with which she has aston
ished the eyes and ears of all Chicago
at Mr.. Henderson's popular theatre
during the past fortnight gives some
intimation Of the magnificence and
finish which will attend the revival
of Offenbach's other favorite opera
LA Perichole." The entire conn any
of 40 people have been rehearsing
..Perichole" for four weeks past, and
for the past fortnight Stage Manager
Max Freeman has had them all. prin
cipals. chorus and orchestra every
day putting the finishing touches t.
| the preparatory work.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-12

Dress making parlors. 1911 Second
avenue. over Bailey's grocery store.
Fifteen years experience in the east.
and now graduates of the Nine. Kel.
log school, of Davenport. French
basting and matching a speciality.
Ladies, give us call.
LAWSON & STEVENS
Rock Island.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-12

Light snow today. followed by
clearing tonight and growing colder;
fair and colder Wednesday; westerly
winds. Today's temperature, 10
above. +. j. WAIZ. Observer.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-12
Asthma and Hay Fever

Ccred by q newly discovered tr,atreut. Pam
pile, test mouials and r=fereIce free. Address
Worlds pirpensary Medical association, Bun 10
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1895-09-24
FIGHTING OYER GODS ACRE
Graoeland Cemetery Association
to the Lot Holders Suit.
Denies That Bodies Have Been Re-
moved without Consent and Says
Old Organization Is No More

The Graceland Cemetery Association
has filed its answer to the petition of Har-
rison Davis and others to prevent the Gem
etery association from removing bodies,
monuments, or shrubbery from the burial
ground without the consent of the lot
owners.
The restraining order originally granted
is still in effect.
1t was claimed by Mr.. Davis and other
petitioners in the case that the board of
the association, without consent of the
majority of the stockholders, formed
corporation with other persons TO purchase
woodlawn Cemetery.
twas claimed they were removing bodies
Inferred in Graceland without the consent
of the lot-owners and stockholders, and
that they would pay for the removal of
the bodies to 10 other cemetery. 1t was
also proposed, ii is said, TO cut GraCeland
up into building lots.
The association in answering, said that
1t is continued as an association for the
purpose of removing bodies from the
cemetery By an act of August 3, 1894,
repeating the charter OF the old association,
The association denied that fee simple in
the lots in Graceland longer rested in the
plaintiffs.
The defendant admitted the existence Of
the Woodlawn Cemetery Association, but
said that only some Of the officers OF
Graceland Association are members of it
and that they are not in control of Wood
lawn.
The defendant admitted having removed
400 bodies from Graceland, but said it
was not without the knowledge OF the Pc
titioners and that it was all in accord
ance with the act referred to. In every
instance where possible, it was said,
friends and relatives were notified of the
proposed removal.
The defendant association alleged that
II notified the complainants if they saw fit
to remove the bodies to other cemeteries
than Woodlawn they might do 80 AT their
own expense, and then present a claim
TO the association, u hich should not be
in excess of the sum required TO pay for an
average removal.
1t is an error, it was stated, that the
association intended TO cut the old burial
ground into lots, and it has all aioEg tried
TO promote the removal made necessary
by the city's grow tn in proper manner.
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1895-09-24
Down the Line.

The report circulated at the track yes
terday that Honest" John Croker had died
of typhoid fever was untrue. He has been
sick q week, but is much better ..i.. . ID.
The flags on the grand stand and club
house at st. Asaph yesterday were at
half-mast in respect for Steve Stillwell-
II Delehanty had not been shut off with
silva on the far turn he would have come
very near beating Marie Lowell.
Fred Lucas did not sc: back from Phil
adelphia in time to go on. He viii be
seen on the box at the Island to-day.
Carnalite threw Gleason in one OF the
breakaways, and it looked as il he would
run off. He stopped when the other horses
pulled up, however, and trotted back to
the post.
Psyche was all but left at the, post in
the fourth race.
Fassett ran good race, but the COM
pany was a little too fast for him.