Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-02-14
SprinkIes of Spice.

Switters-Not when you talk back to
a justice in court.
"Our engagement is quite a secret,
you know" $50 everybody tells me-"
Pail Mall Budget.
A Frankfort man has written a farce
comedy called Vaccine 1t ought to
take.-Philadelphi Record.
CDR White is specialist, is he not2
What is his specialty?' ''He has two
consultation and fees. Vogue.
MISREPRESENTATION was your wife's
last birthday? McSwitters-A good
many years ago.-Syracuse Post.
GLOW did Smith happen to get such
big literary reputation?" Criticised
'Trilby.' Atlanta Constitution.
''To me, her face lacks something"
''Well, when 1 saw her last it had about
! all it could stand '-Brooklyn Life.
Until the skating season shall have
closed mans bumps have nothing to
do with neutrality-suspicious. Plain,
Dealer.
Miss Robbins sings like a Bird
doesn't she?" Mr.. Blank-"No; they
stop singing sometimes Chicago In
ter Ocean.
young man, don't you know you
ought to lay something by for rainy
day." II do; my rubbers." New
York Recorder.
He-How we'll Miss Elderberry car
ries her age! She-But then she has
become so accustomed to it, you know.
Boston Transcript
A Friend-If you love her, old fell
low, why don't you marry her? Bach
elor Doctor-Marry her? Why, she is
one of my best patients.-Life.
Chinese Emperor (nervously)-What
news? Official-Japan is now anxious.
for peace. Emperor (gloomily)-Y-e-s,
but how big piece?-New York Week
ly.
Suffra gist-I tell you the women are
advancing right along Gayboy-Yes,
the married ones; single ones never get
beyond a certain stage.-Boston COu-
rier.
He-There is only half hour until
train time and your trunk isn't half
packed She-Don't worry, dear;
have my bonnet on.-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
New Boarder-What's the row up
stairs? Landlady-It's that professor
of hypnotism trying to get his wife's
permission to go out this evening"
Tit-Bits.
Allow do you know that Mailer has,
come in for fortune? B-Why, form
erly people always said he was crazy;.
now they say he's original.-Lustige
Blaetter.
Suitor-I have come to ask for your
daughter, sir. Father-Take her, young
man. You are the only one who want
ed more than my daughters hand
Syracuse Post.
Little Ethel-Why is it womens is al
ways complainin' about the hired girl?
Little Dot-Oh, that's just SO folks Will
know they can afford to keep one
Good News
First Theatrical Manager-Going to.
have tank in your piece this season.
Second Theatrical Manager (enthusi.
astically)-Every man in my company
is a tank.-Life.
These sleighings give the tin horn fiend
A chance to blow his strains;
But, oh, alas! and oh, alack!
He can't blow out his brains!
Cincinnati Tribune.
Mr.. Cawker (after his wife has read
several pages-Is there any news in.
your mothers letter, my dear? Mrs.
Cawker-I haven't come to the post
script yet-Truth.
A Germantown bride grew indignant
when her grocer asked if she wanted3
any cracked wheat. She replied that
she could afford to buy the very best
Philadelphia Record.
Benevolent Old Man-Here's quar-
ter. SO you were sent to Yale when,
quite young? Ragson Tatters-Did Il
say dat? [ meant Jail; | can't per-
nounce de Jr'-Philadelphia Record.
The Foreman (sharply)-Henry-m
down here at o'clock-wanted to see
you Henry (shuffiing into the room
pulling off his coat at S:15-Who was it?'
The Foreman with metallic click)-
Me, sir-Kansas City Star.
Teacher-History relates that when
Harpagos asked Cyrus to rebel against,
his grandfather, he sent him letter in
a rabbit Why did he do that? Pupil
Because at that time they had no en-
velopes. Batter
Eyes, young ladies'" said the profess
sor, "Pallas Athene, the Grecian god
dess Of wisdom. was unmarried And
from that day the goose wondered why
those girls wouldn't study! 1t was a.
bad break.-New York Recorder.