Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-21
OLD KAINTucxY STORIES
some Humorous Bits OF F.rirht W..


some Humorous Bits of Bright Word
Painting.
When 1 give out that I would
preach at the mead o. Trace fork" said
Rev. Lemuel Penrod the other day
my friends all up an tole me I'd never
RN congregashun. They sed thar
wnz never rope of savin' grace made
stout enough to drag them ar natives
to the fear NV the spirit.
But 1 knowed better. ALTHOUGH
you may think wuz city born. an
nave wore out the backs NV mauy coats
against college walls, hits all er mis-
teake. wuz born and fetched up in
the mountains. 1 know We don't be-
heve mt. Hit looks unreasonable. but.
sub, I'm err self-made man. / edercat
ed myself. Ihain't got nobody but the
Lord an myself ter thank fur the work
4 hev done, sub.
This Is goin' err little out in the
brush from the road / started on, but
what L want ter 'splain il tibet knowed
the people. l wuz born among 'em, an
know 'em through an through.
what did / do ter git the crowd?
That's what I'm swingin' err round to.
wall, sub, got me a spring wagin' an
set six four-gallon jugs in the back
part NV it. Every house I'd pass on the
way ter preachin' grounds I'd lift ND a
Jug an pretend ter be drinkin' Then
I'd set down the jug, lift up mer voice
an shout: Come all We tibet famish
an thirst fer the blessed spirit ter the
head o. Injun, and We shall be filledv
The whole family, an all their visitors,
wud take arter my wagin. KEEP re-
peatin' this dose in front NV every
house, an when got ter the place fer
preachin' had the biggest gatherin'
tibet ever he'd been seen in tibet neck of
the woods. A revival begun at once.
Forty souls war brought ter Christ, an
only one man killed durin' that blessed
week.
was stopping for the night on Chris
ty creek, in Carter county. The ..ole
man an woman, six gals" four boys"
tall grown, three hands and myself
made semi-circle about a great. cav
ernous fireplace filled with roaring
hickory and beech logs
One great, strapping young giant sat
with his left shoulder against one jamb
rack, while his sister Moll braced her
right against the other. They faced
each other, and 1 saw them frequently
exchange smiling glances which they
well understood. They were holding
a wordlesS conversation, and | expect
it related to my very self-important
self.
Finally the young man drew in his
outstretched legs, making his big boot
heels scrape harshly on the earth and
puncheon floor as he did so. He
stretched out his long arms, like wings,
yawned and rose up. He then crooked
a long, dark-complexioned index finger
toward me and said:
Il want ter see We outside a mint,
stranger"
went out with him. Little shivers
played hide and seek up and down my
spinal column as / stood, in frightened
perplexity, below this tower of muscle
and Drawn. What could he want? Ny
blood? Or a drink from f1asl, / had
in my pocket? He kept me in sus-
pense several minutes-many minutes
to me then. Then he drew in a deep
inspiration and said:
stranger, don't We want ter marry
my sister Moll?"
'Why-I-er don't understand. What
do you mean?"
wal, hits jist this er way: Moll's
bound ter marry. that's all ther il
erbout it. She's the best field hand on
the place, but she swars she won't
never strike another lick har. So ives
all workin' ter git her satisfied. !
thought Sim Stadey wuz goin' ter take
her, but he went to log-rollin', soon
after they wuz ingaged, an beat ever
man Their liften at err hanspille. That
got his name up, an ever girl in the
county was arter him. That give him
the big head, an he dropped Moll out
an married Sal Bodkins fer her good
looks an two cows.
Then Ben Taylor ar her made er
contract. They wuz jist err bout ter
hitch when his uncle died an left him
two good houses. That started all the
gals in the county arter him. Beck
Latimer, who had jist raised the best
four acres of terbacker to be found on
the criclk. an had two of the biggest
feather beds in the county, took er no.
ton to him. Moll wuz left out in the
snow again. This kind err thing keeps
happenin' with her time an time agin.
She talked NV hangin' herself, but
to!e her ter hold up err while longer,
that if she couldn't git a man right
big, stout, an devilish-like Tom Stacy
or Bill Latimer-that some little war
ty, bowlegged cuss, better than nuth.
in, would come err long some time an
pluck her off. An now. stranger, if
YOU want wife that can raise more
corn than any man you can scare up.
just clinch yerself ter Moll. 1 know
she'll take We. l cud see it in her eye;
besides, you've got a burned good look
in boss. "-.Ioseph Noel johnson, in
Cincinnati Tribune.
A Street-Car Tragedy.
They had mutual friends. and tina,
to, l.