Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1895-12-24
Written for the oxford Democrat.
THE OLD BACHELORS MILLENNIUM.
Nv nei0hhor comnlaius that neither

THE OLD BACHELORS MILLENNIUM.
My neighbor complains that neither
VIM. H., John, the minister, or your
humble servant, contributed word for
"A recent number Of the Democrat, and
as he relies on these etf'usions for the
restoration OF his wife's health, he was
very much disappointed. AS he claims
great benefit In this direction, ! accept
his word, aud, thinking this light food,
IL beneficial to even one human being,
should not be denied, write.
The one great problem over which my
mind has been exercised Of late, is the
great skill which has developed in the
last quarter OF century In the practice
OF surgery. You may ask, "What do
you know about this business, any
wayg" Merely nothing. People are
prone to write. on matters they know the
least about, rs a rule. III we do not make
show OF great knowledge ourselves.
where are We! Cheek Is ahead OF brains
In these days, and he who learns this one
lesson early in life Is fortunate.
But, what has cheek TO do with the
subject at hand, surgery Not much.
But when we compare the butchery and
the limited knowledge Of anatomy Of the
old school, with the more modern prac-
tice, where even the vcrv jugular can be
removed In sections, and the other veins
take up the work and carry the life cur
rent 10 every part of the system just as
though nothing had happened, we are
led to enquire, what may q decade or an
other quarter of a century deyelopg This
Is the real pith, or the meat In the cocoa
nut that we are after. Not content with
present conditions, but ever reaching out
for more.
Who knows but in the near future,
men may be manufactured TO order:
Who knows, but In the marts Of trade
such signs as the following may appear!
Men and Women for sale" where a
man may 20 and select wife and vice
versa:
Yes, where they may be- packed away
In bundle, accompanied with the fluids,
to be taken home, adjusted. like sew
ing machine, the Auids injected, and n
man lives. moves, and has n being
What vast amount OF trouble and un-
certainty would be obyiated, Ia court
ship, rivalry, aud, finally, that critical
point of ''palpitation OF the heart in-
duced by popping the question. What
glorious epoch In the worlds history
for the difident old bachelor, il such
condition should obtain.
What u boon to the very romantic
young lady, who has arrived at that un-
certain date, through too fastidious
tastes, when as a last resort she decides
TO accept some widower, or awkward old
bachelor. then to commence a course OF
instruction TO bring him up to her ideal
OF husband.
When was mere child got hold OF
novel, entitled, IL remember correct
Is, Dorcasina sheldon. IL was novel,
and yet IL WAS gotten up 10 show the
baneful effects OF novel reading. Dorcas
inherited the name Of her good old
grandmother. but through the effects on
her mind OF novel reading she became
very romantic In her tastes, and as a
consequence the simple name Of her
grandmother was TOO unromsntic, hence
Dorcasina was substituted. She had
wealth. She would accept no formal
offer. Too commonplace, don't you
know. one rogue, learning her procliv-
tiles, sought her hand In a manner suited
to her tastes, and would have secured
her heart and her fortune but for lucky
circumstance (for herr, his arrest for
crime. Late in life, she made love 10
her awkward old coachman, married
him. and then commenced series OF
lessons TO bring him up to her ideal OF
what a ughaud Shauli he
So let US hasten the millennium, when
the bashful old bachelor may HE him
away and secure wife to his tastes, for
consideration, and the out-of-datc maid
can walk up TO a counter and select the
very style Of humanity her dear heart
Graves.
G. TILToN.