Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-05-29
Siraiaia free gress.
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mer girl2
When lovers hang over the gate there is
a good deal to be said on both sides before
they quit.
Dent you think the man who marries
for money is 4 fool?" "He is, unless he gets
it in advance"
a man may be as honest as the day is
long, snd still do a great deal of mischief
during the night.
A girl whose first name is Merci is visit.
Ing in town. We would like TO know what
her name was before she began fooling with
it.
Smi,hers-Brown you are a well-read man;
what do you think is the greatest thing
abou, this world? Brown-Well, to be &C
curate, Smithers. | think it is the circum
ference.
Harold-The club was dreadfully insulted
to day. Clarence weally Harold-Yes, sn
old lady wished to know if it was an intel
ligence Office.
Say, Jack, what is the capital of Switzer-
land ?" Jack (who has just returned from
abroad)-Why, the money they get from
travellers, Of course.
When Doublin Cathedral was ~reopened
after restoration at the expense of a Mr..
Wise, the archbishop took for his text, Go
thou aud do like Wise"
Hil-MacShorle has sold a poem, entitled
code to a Fair Lady" Hulls-Has he?
We'll, he is more competent to write verses
entitled Owed to q Landlady."
Murphy Ito Casey who has had both legs
ampuialed)-How are We these days Casey ?
Casey (cheerfully)-Well, Oh can't kick
Oh how both hands yet, SO Oh feel all roight
Wool-Tm awfuliy behind in my reading.
Van Pelt-How's that? WOOL got switch
ell off on "Trilby," and now I'm behind on
at least nine OF ten new lives of Napoleon
Wigs (quo,ing)-"Thcre' nothing like
leather" you know, old boy. Waggs-Isn't
there, though You never saw any Of the
pie crust that our new hired girl turns out
"Well, George, | suppose we will go to
the lake this summer ?" "Well, no., my dear.
now that you have baby, | don't thiuk we'd
better. Squalls are always dangerous in
lake regionsb
Trivvet Miss Flop claims to have made
1000 %reiusals OF marriage. Dicer-That's
easily explained. When young Callow ask
her to marry him she replied mo, a thou
sand times, no."
Trayeler-Were You troubled with mai
de mer while you were crossing the ocean?
Old Lady-RealIy, 1 don't know. I was
that ~dreadfully seasick l couldn't think
about anything else.
Fashionable Philanthrop -Euglishman
Why is it you Hamericans copy the Hing
lish ? American-We are in hopes you Eng
lishmeu will see how it looks and get dis
gasted with yourselves.
u am afraid" said the languishing senti-
mentali-t, chat your being is not attuned
to welcome sweet spring once more" YES,
it is" replied the practical man, Il took Is
grains OF q%uinine this morning"
Wife (%rcadiug paper)-Just see the fright.
ful effects of rum, John here a young man
got drunk and walked right into a church.
Husband (drowsily)-Yes, yes runs LA
BILE to land a mar most anywhere!
isn't that Mr.. Nevergo approaching the
house" said Miss Northside to her maid
a. they peeped through the curtains. Eyes,
ma'am." Before you admit him, set the
clock on the parlor mantle an hour ahead"
Mrs. Suburb-I don't see what's the mat
ter with our hens. Thay don't lay at ALL
Farmer Meadow-You don't feed EN- right.
mum. Just give 'em about 50 worth of corn
every week, and they'll lay you 81 worth Of
eggs every seven days.
The Count came near aud whispered soft
y: 81 I'm really ," he said, Ito make a sac
riGce for you" She gestured deprecatingly.
Sacrifice" she repeated. "No, Reginald,
l am able to pay the regular price" She
smiled in the consciousness of power.
The price of beef is going up fearfully,"
said the restaurant keeper. you have no
idea of the prices charged now for choice
cuts" "Humph," said the patron, grumpi-
ly. as he struggled with a refractory steak.
Il don't see how that is going to affect you"
Excuse me, madam" said the paying
teller, but you have not Endorsed this check.
II you will write your narne on the back Of
it it will be all right" cob, Of course"
said the little woman. Il had forgotten"
Then she Endorsed the check Sincerely
yours, Janette Trustworthy"
"Paw, what does it mean when they say
money talks" asked Johnny. at means"
sid Mr.. Billus, after rejecting a moment,
that it sometimes helps a man that's got j,
to talk a little louder than the other fellow"
Does all money talk ?" persisted Johnny.
"N-no. Not exactly" Then money that
don't talk is hush money, amt it?" Son
ny, suppose you go out and bring IN your
kidding wood p