Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-08-14

basket Of eggs that was on the paniry moor,
Kate? Seryaut-Oh yes mum-aisily. |
shtepped in it,
"Some people" remarked the cannibal
chief. as he passed his plate for a second
supply. "haye a mission in life while Others
only have a missionary"
Husband-po you think the doctor you
have is doing you any good! W~ife-indeed
he is. He has just told me that nothing but
a trip to Europe would save INC.
Young Wife-What ! You think Of join
Ing the army Horrors 4. Husband tender
W. Are YOU afraid I'll get killed? Young
Wife-N o; I'm afraid you'll run.
She-Do yon really think that is a statue
Of Charity He-Undoubtedly. She al
wavs covers surh a lot Of things that she
never ha. anything left for herself
Mauager-There wasn't a stick left ante.
tbefrein my theatre. Sympathizer-What.
Do you mean &, say that all the members Of
your company were burned TO death.
Bootblack-Di. we're business is mighty
hard on tine eyes. Customer-On the eyes .
Blotblack-Ycs yer see / put. such O daz-
zlin' shine on DE- shoes that It hurts 'cm.
"wby J., &C.. asks The Manayuuk phiIos-
opher chat when o man is afflicted with
chills and fever The chills always come on
the cold days aud the fever on the hot day o."
One Good Deed-Mr,. DE Rufle-If YOU
ever did any good iu this wide world, I'd like
To know what it is. Mr.. De Ruhe-Well,
for one thing, / saved you from dying IN old
maid.
Shc-I presume the country editors path
way is not strewn with flowers? He pleas.
antly)-No, not exactly but we stumble on
a bushel of potatoes occasionally, or a cord
of wood.
A.-Why did Jay break OF his engage
ment with Miss Oldacres? X.-On account
other past. A.-What was the matter with
it? X-Nothing, only he thought it was
too long.
Mis- PERT like Jones, but you see he's
so absent minded. Mis- Flirt-How so
"Why the other night he said, I've a mind
to kiss YOU and because said nothing, he
forgot all about it.
She-Pm afraid that it j. not me that
you're after, but it is my money you want.
He-How foolish in you to say that. You
know very well can't get your money
without first getting you.
"Yes"said the girl who was chewing gum,
Its simply awful the way The poor people
do suffer this frightful weather. How | pity
them And the worst of it is of course, that
hair simply wont stay in curl
Brooklyn Man Goyfully)-Pye invited
Crimson to dine with Us to night, and he's
His Wife-But it was only last
that you said you hated him. q do;
but he's got to cross three trolley lines to get
here"
Belle-See here, Harry, you said you
would teach me to ride my wheel, and then
only gave me one lesson. Harry-That's
all right; I've hired an undtrstudy who
any whiskers and doesn'tmind being
Did you hear about the burglar who was
this morning? "No! What for?'
We'll, l supposed must have been for break
ing into song for heard that be had got
through two bars when some one hit him
with a staye."
She-Father says if lie comes to live with
Us be expects to pay board. How much do
you think I ought to charge him: He
That depends. The is satisfied with only a
hall bedroom, think about $1,000 a year
would be enough.
Mrs Crimsonbeak-Why is it, l wonder,
that a woman will always turn to the end Of
a novel and read the last page before read
any other part of it? Mr.. Crimsonbeak
Her propensity to get the last word, sup
pose, leads her to dol
Nope" said Reginald De Bumme "In
take my chances most anywhere, but don't
steer me- agiuaNew York Jail" "Why not? ?"
Clarence Fitz Hautbrau. Us too in
lospitable Ye feel as if We amt welcome,
an dat dey're positively glad to get rid Of
ye."
Stranger in the city ," asked the afable
7oung man Hardly know whether | am
Or not, - answered the man with the %sunburnt
rhiskers. Il only been here three times in
ny life an don't know one street fun another
out I been buncoed twicet an run in oncet
already"
\ carpenter, sent to make ONE repairs in
, private house, entered the apartment Of
he lady ortbe house with his apprentice -
Mary" the lady called to her servant, "see
hat my Jewel Gaze is locked at once?" The
carpenter understood. He removed his
and chain from his vest with a sig
liicant air aud gave them to his apprentice
John" he said. take these right back to
he shop. 1t seems that the house is not