Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1895-09-20
Nasty on Silver.
A skit Almost 20 Years Old, which l.
a. Pat Vow a. IL Was Then.

Petroleum " Eassy in .---.
CoyrtunIr Y ROADS (Which is In the
state q Kentucky January y, ISIS
ain't 80 certain that ] want the silver bill
70 pass II / was. The fact is. the thing
don't work 81 ] sposei il wood, and ! amt
clear onto il. There is Suite principles in
these Gnanshel questions wich requires
great deal w thought. and there is under
lying principles w.ch a man has got 10 IN
derstand afoTe be is competent 70 81, his
self up 81 authority.
One thing I'm certain w. Bsscom Amt
no fiuauseer. nor never will BE-. and ] tO!1
him 50.
"Wst is finanseer?'' asked he.
"A fnauseer sod !. assOoming the look
Of Dau'l Webster. as a man wich kin pay
bis debts with nothn-a man vich kin git
suthiu with uJthin'.
The Corners. then. is full Of inanseers.
he remarkt, bitterly. castin casual glance
At his slate wich WIZ jist full enuf 70 turn
over and begin On the tOther side.
But he hezn't any w the science w it.
l WIZ argooing with him the other day in
favor Us my uOshun w leather currency.
though l told him silver wuz much the
same thing, and. for example. would as
=
the fucher
Now, don't you see, Bascom, that ef
he'd twict 81 much money. | Good drink
twict 81 much whisky and pay for it?'
How much Is twice uo;hln?' WIZ the
unfeelin anser w the tyrant who holds the
des,inies Of the Corners in his hands.
That's what your cspitle hez bin ever
since l knovd 700.
"Parson,' said be. II don't see wha;
earthly difference its gOin to make wheth-
er silver is currency o. anything else. How
are yco goin' 10 git silver Il it il made L.
gal tender? II silver wuz FL plenty ri
bricks v al hey 900 got 70 git any ~ ii
With"
"Troo. g.. W. wuz my answer: "bu,
can. you see that TO hey silver wood relieve
the dettor class? Even nov. afore it is le
gal tender, it's only wuth PC On the do-
lar, and when the country is fowdid with
it. it will 20 still lower. Then we-Ol
rather SIGH uy Us 81 hey property 70 raise
money on kin pay Off
"Eggsac.ly 90" retorts Bascom you kin
pay me for the good honist likker Nv mine
witch you hey consOOmed in coin, v ch i
less than the dollar 700 promised. Al rite
But look here-come in here, all w you
/ want 700 silver men 70 know exactly
wat 700 are rushin' into
And this feend led US into the back room
that back room which contains the sub
sis,ence Nv the Corners. There, il
long rows, WIZ BascOm's stock. There
in barrils, piled one On top Nv another
WIZ the Gelishus whisky Nv Looisyill, u
different ages, rangin' from that Nv tx,
weeks old 70 that witch he'd jist left tn
still. and was scarcely cold yit. There i
lay, and 81 my eye ranged affeckshuna,el,
over it, felt IF l Good hev the drinkin
w all that likker l wood be content To Ia
down and die when the last drop wuz gone
Bascom p'inted to al immense tanl
w'ich he he'd erectid, within a few days
with pipe running in from the roof.
~ shan't raise the price W likker il
conscience Nv bein'Ipaid for it in depreshi
atid currency sed he.
/ fell on Rascom's neck, in an extacy u
delite, while the others shoutid, "Rah 70
Bascom"'
sc. W." ! remarkt, while teers sui
foOsed my eyes. II never placed you muc
below the angels, but this generous act ha
histed 700 hundred per cent in my est
mashun. Bless 700, q. W, bless you"
But I'll tell 700 wat | shell do. D
700 see that tank?" sed he.
MAY l ask vat that is fof?" | sed.
THAT tank will ill with rane-water.
sed he. THE moment 700 git 20 payir
me in silver, / shell take out Nv eech u
them barrils jist eggsactly three and one
fifth gallons Nv likker, and fill it with Va
ter"
"Merciful heyingsr' We all exclaimed
land poor likker 50 weak now"
And when silver gifts down to - cent
On the dollar ! shell take out y Der Gel
Nv whiskey and fill her up with - per Gel
Of water. And 50 on down. Ell silv,
goes up shell add whiskey eggackly /
proporshen. In short, my whiskey is iii
agoin to foller currency, and nothin' shor
er. 700 fellers wich work for wagis ma
SWEET, but l WON'T
But WOOL increase the size Nv VOC
glasses" sed l.
mot eny. But you may drink twice {
many times 70 git the same amount u
drunk ez before, by payin for each drink.
And BascOm stalked hawtily back an
took his posishen behind his bar.
Their wuz consternashun in the Corner
SIGH ez hey never seen. Their wuz hu
ried consultashun at the Deekin's hous
and / sejested that we emancipate GU
selves from the dominyun wv this tyrar
by startin' grOsery NV our own, on IL
JOINT STOCK principle, which WuZ agreed Il
each man agreein'to contrbbit SO to II
capitle stock, wich wood be enuff TO buy
bari or two for a beginnin'.
We wuz enthusiastic till we come I
ballotin for the man TO keep the plac
when it was found instid NV my bel
chosen yoonanimusly,e z eggspected to b,
that every man he'd yotid for hisself. I
not soul Wv them would recede, II
skeem WIZ blocked rite there, and finel
he'd to be abandoned, and we went bac
to Bascom's and submittid. That tyral
heZ US.
Nv course We can't stand likker dilooti
in that manner. We are willin enuff
dilOot the currency with wich we pay f.
likker, but we want our likker full strength
We coOdent help it, but that night "
signed and sent to our representative a r
mOnstrance agin the silver bill. The Co
ners is now for honest currency. Woo
o wood that we he'd some Nv it.
PETROLEUM V. MASSEY, Finanseer.
The EeTmOnters at the Grand Army Ell