Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-09-23
JUST FOR FUN.

The camel said his hump was pau,
but it might have been worse, II ne a
taken to riding the bicycle.
OF course the farmer will have
large crop of oats, with nothing to
feed them to but bicycles.
Is your daddy doing much fishing
these days? No; he's paralyzed, and
he can't lie like he used to.
Shortpocket says his wife's head
has been troubling her good deal
lately:-she wants new hat.
There is nothing selfish in a woman
insisting upon having the last word.
She does not want it for herself.
Judging from some of the game,
we should say that Cupid must do
most of his hunting blindfolded.
Do you pay for poetry? asked the
author. We do, replied the editor.
Each poem costs us six subscribers.
Caller-Your office is as hot as an
oven Merchant-Well it might be! L
make my daily bread here, you know.
Farmer Grayneck-I hear tell that
your son Lyman is playin' in the col
lege football eleven? Farmer Wet
rockies, he's the drawback of the
team.
'Johnny, what would your dear
mother do if you should come to her
some day and tell her you dearly,
dearly loved your studies?" Click me
fur lynn"
Sam Jones is credited with saying
that if all the church members get to
Heaven, you'll have to put your pock-
etbook under your pillow to preserve
your valuables.
Bobby-Mamma, where is dream
land? Mammal don't know, my son,
Why do you ask? Bobby dreamed
last night had bicycle there. 1 want
to go and get it.
A Scotch newspaper refers to Mrs.
Lease of Kansas as zone of those
strange men found frequently in
America who write under a feminine
nom de plunae.''
Miss Oldgirl-You must promise not
to kiss me while I am unconscious.
Dentist = I shall do nothing of the
kind. Miss Oldgirl with happy
sigh)-Turn on the gas.
"Well, Johnnie" said doting uncle
to his little nephew, who had been
fishing all day, "did you catch good
many fish," ''No, unc'e; but I drown
ed a good many worms"
"What is Smith doing now?" 'He
is travelling with circus" ''Pretty
hard work isn't it?'' ''No, he has moth
ing to do except to stick his head into
the lions mouth twice a day."
Clergyman examining Sunday
school class: "Now, can any one of
you tell me what are the sins of omis-
sion? Small Scholar Please, sir, they
are sins you ought to have committed
and haven't"
The eve Of little Elsie was attracted
by the sparkle of the dew at early
morning. Mamma" she exclaimed,
'sit's hotter'n thought it was. ''Look
here, the grass is all covered with
perspiration."
Little Elsie docking at the giraffe
at the 1000, mamma! They have
made that poor thing stand in the
sun, haven't they? Mamma do
you say that, my dear? Little Elsie
Look at all it's freckles.
Father-If you marry my daughter,
sir, you've got to dress a great deal
better than you do now. Suitor-
Then will you give your consent in
writing? Father-What for? Suitor-I
want to show it to my tailor.
Mammal will give each of you one
piece, and another little smaller, of
candy. Freddy: "But I don't think
either of my pieces is smaller than
the other" Polly vely)-No, mann
ma, and one of my pieces is even
larger than the other!
''This," groaned the wretched
young father, shifting the wide awake
baby to the other arm and making the
turn at the northwest corner of the
room for the four hundred and fifty
seventh time, sis one of the hard
ships that pass in the night.'
Last Christmas eve Mr.. J. went up
stairs to see if the children had hung
up their stockings for Santa Claus,
and found that little Fred had pinned
his up in a prominent place with a
slip of paper attached, containing this
suggestive sentence: 'sThe Lord low
eth a cheerful giver."