New-York tribune., 1895-06-16
THE TALK or THE DAY.

Gadzooks-Youns Blazer has just spent half his
weeks salary on yachting cap.
Zounas-But he is going to spend his vacation In
he mountains
Gadzooks-Yes that's why he needs yachting
can Where did you think he was going?
Limit to smalness-Jnks-Y don't IN mean snI 70
say your wife wants to sell that prize midget canine
you bought her?
WIN that dog is noted It's the smallest dog in
taxing It for mouse"-tNew-york Weekly.
THE Brooklyn Times gives the following new
version Of an o.d ballad apropos OF tho action OF
the College Point school trustees foroiiins teaoh-
ers to ride to school on their BICYCLES
Mary had a little wheel
And everywhere that Mary went.
That wheel was sure 10 GO
one day without formaty
She broke the trustees rule.
BY hiking of TO school
.why does the wheel get wicked sor'
The eager chidTen r,5s tbs cry wheel you know.
The trustee did reply.
And so the trustee turned il out.
The teacher shed A tear
Go be immoral somewhere e.se
We want no hiking here.
The Orphans Court OF Philadelphia the other
day awarded a dividend Of A little over TWO Mills
70 each of the creditors OF an estate
,s H'cs G seems 10 me-. tho saddes thing on earth
Barrett-There IS only one thing sadder-h"ns
at a hotel-tchicago Tribune
The Seventh Day Adventists in Canada are prose-
cuted-they would say persecuted-jus; as they are
IN son,c States in this country II they rest on tho
seventh day OF the week and work on the hrst
dav according 10 the law Of Moses. they are
clapped in jail
They often Make Mistakes.Mrs Brow, Rr,ownstonemd -
should think would feel afrad nving way shou, Q"
Mrs Meadow-Wel, | am. sometimes spose
ycI don't naye tra"Ss N nleed iee We have nothing
to fear but the police (NewYork Weekly
\ committee has been appointed TO raise an en-
dowment OF $4,000 for St Paur> school 'ohoo'u'
y. H.. which became famous under the late
Rev. Dr Colt.
reacher-so YOU can't do simple sum in ar.th.
OF you have together forty-eght appes acS oSo
/ % YOU get? Cholera morbus." replied Johnny
! Crii-Bi,s
No man to whom the title is applicable will ever
object to being called grand old man." nut proo-
ably the woman Is not yet born who would IKE I"
be called grand old woman
Mrs. Newriche paironi.nsly1mWyere any OF your
/ Mr. c-Ycs. madam. should say So One OF tnen ,
the most famous admiral ,Ss OF nis day. ana COM
Wrs with altered tone OF deep respdct)-Is II
possible Mr.. C.! And what was his name!
Noah madam"-O.ife
Cynicus-My wife would like you to send around
a quart OF pauperized milk.
MIX Dealer-I guess you mean Pasteurized milk
Cynicus-Very WELL but presume there Isn't
much difference.
pasned will drive me insane" She laughed mock
ingy. At the moment she treated his words ngnt,y,
! but when upon the following day she saw MN
! abroad wearing pink shirt she was started ara
bethought her OF his fateful remark-Detroit IT'D
/ une.
! Professor Crooks thinks that IL the electric light
were universal to-day. the candle II suddenly III
troiuced would be thought wonderful invention.
as II enables a person to obtain light In It's snpeSt
and mos, portable form, and without the use OF
cumbrous machinery the necessity or attaching
the lamp to any fixed point by means OF wire before
! Il could be lighted
David was only about Ave years old but he was
| very anxious to be man. one day when he had
mamma and said: :oh mamma do wish I had .
vest and bald head"-(Youth's Companion.
The Denver and Rio Grande Railroad has
learned that two members of the Colorado Lesis-
ature have been renting their annual passes 10
travelling men for SIS a month
Extreme Measures" MANDY" said Farmer
Corntassel. thoughtful.y. 'hez 1t occurred to you
thet Jos.ar Is sittin, kinder sassy; vourv man.
! mother
shltless. tco?"
right IN no time TN .e He's got ter be disciplined
"Whut are ye gon' ter do?"
we're an / hate ter do It, but nothln short OF 4
good s hs1n',l make any impression on that boy"