Crawford avalanche., 1895-05-02
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INoS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed
TO Have Been Recently Born-ssyinss
and Doings that Are Odd, curious and
Laughable-The Weeks Humor.

10 nave 0cen aecentiy nOS" csSA~es
and Doings that Are Odd. curious and
Laughable-The week's Humor.
Let Us All Laugh.
Strawberries her father willing to
help you out? Singerly-That's the
way he acted.-Brooklyn Life.
"Tom, who did you say our friend
Lawley married n "Well, he married
100000. forget her other name
! Tit-Bits.
"Do you think the new boarder Is
permanent "Yes, indeed! He threat
ems continually to ieave."-Chicago In
ter Ocean.
"Is your editor a man Of letters?"
Don't know, stranger, but you kin find
out by AKIN the postmaster. ATLANTA
Constitution.
Applicant-Please mum, the lady wot
washes the steps for that woman which
lives opposite says as you wants girl.
Pail Mall Budget.
"Oh, doctor, how do you do? You
look killing this evening" THANK
you; but I'm not; I'm off duty, you
know."-Brooklyn Life.
II wonder why taxes are generally
due In March?" said the suburban. Its
easier to raise the wind then, l sup
pose."-Harper's Bazaar.
Tommy Asker-Now, II you was to
git to be artist, what would you like
to draw? Andy Quick IA check on, the
bank.-Philadelphia Inquirer. al,
'De man dat comes roun' maxim de
mos noise" said Uncle Eben, "doan'
ginerally hab 'nuf time lef' ter make
anyt'ink else."-Washington Star.
Squildig-He's a great criminal law
yer, isn't he? McSwilligen-Well, be-
lieve he always stops short of actual
iminality.-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
First What's the star board
er making all that hubbub about over
that berry pie? Second Boarder-I
guess he found the berry.-Syracuse
Post.
Johnny fools his parents
It's very sad to state g..
They think he's making garden
When he's only digging bait.
Washington Stah
Mrs. Jackson-Do you call this sponge
cake? Why, 1t is as hard as stone.
Cook-Yes, mum, that's the way q
sponge Is before 1t is wet Soak 1t In
your tea.-Truth.
Figgs-My! but isn't that a picture7
Fogg-Quite stylish. But what Is it?
Looks rather large for parlor lamp,
and rather too small for a woman.-
Boston Transcript.
She-So the counts relatives consid-
er 1t mesalliance? He-Decidedly. The
girl has only n quarter Of a million,
and the count owes three times as
much as that.-Judge.
Professor Ito his wife, Elise, have
promised to deliver an address to-mor-
row evening on the rational exercise Of
the memory. Don't let me forget about
it.-Fliegende Blaetter.
"Oh, my dear Mrs. -, how glad
am to see you. 1t is four years since
we met, and you recognized me imme-
diately." 'Oh, yes. 1 recognized the
hat. t."-Fliegende Blaetter.
She-I know I'm cross at times, John,
but If had my life to live over again
should marry you just the same. He
Il have my doubts about that, my
dear.-Philadelphia Times.
The lady arrives a little late at the
sewing circle. Servant-Excuse me,
madam, but I'd advise you to wait
few minutes. Just now they are talk
Ing about you!LHumoristiche Blaet-
ter.
Gussy-Why do you so perslstently
wear the hair of another woman on
your head? Beatrice-For the same
reason that you wear the skin Of an
other calf on your feet.-The Great d.
vide.
Artist-I'm half distracted trying to
think up a subject for my picture, "The
Queen Of May" Practical Friend
Why not paint a picture Of servant
girl taking up carpets?-Chicago Rec
ord.
Goutran burst like whirlwind In
upon his friend CASTOR. "Will you be
my witnessT "Going to fight?" mo.
to get married" CASTOR (after pause)
Cant you apologize?-Los Angeles
Herald.
She-I can't help thinking have seen
your portrait in the newspapers some
where. He-Oh, no doubt; IT'S Sften
been published. She-Then / am not
mistaken. What were you cured OFF,
Judge.
Mrs. Kicksey-I see by the head line
in this paper that Spain has her hands
full Kicksey-Yes, and IL she fools
with this country she'll have her whole
anatomy full-of holes.-Philadelphia
Inquirer.
"Here comes the carriage, Maud!
Fancy having to go and pay calls In
such weather! It's enough to give one
ones death Of coldr' 'worse than
that, mother! Everybody's sure to be
inr'-Boston Budget.
Nurse-Sure, ma am, the twins have
been making fuss all day, ma'am.
! Mrs. Olive Branch--What about?
Nurse--It's because they can't have a
birthday apiece, like the Dawson chill
dren next door.-Tit-B
Mother-"Don't you feel able to sit
IN to-dayw Boy--'sNo. mamma. am