Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1895-07-18
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

.Cholly believes in himself thor
,ughly," said one girl. Yes, replied
The other; he's SO credulous. Wash
!ngton Star.
First Sojourner-..Do you always
get your meals on time here?' Second
sojourner'.Y Yes; / have to till some of
ny friends show up. I'm deucedly glad.
to see you" Boston Courier.
Y - Lumleigh- ..Iv hat makes you think
young Phether Waite is a drummer for
bicycle concern" Chumleigh''An
body can see that. He carries samples
ID his head. IN. y. World.
"A Lively Time. She-'sI was play
ing whist also last night. It was the
first meeting of our Young Ladies'
Whist club" He-'I wondered what
made you so hoarse. Harlem Life.
Helen-''How could you give up
Harry Haussman for Tom Waterman?
You used to think everything Of
Harry" Martha-'I know; but the
stheaters are nearly all closed now,
and Tom has such a lovely yacht. - ~
Boston Transcript.
Visitor to attendant friar in the
refectory of convent Are we al
lowed to smoke here?" Friar-"No,
SIR Visitor Then where do all
these stumps of cigars come from that
\ see lying about?' Friar-'From
those gentlemen who didn't ask. =
Tagliche Rundschau.
Putting Him on His Mettle.
Doctor" said the sick man, who is
painfully shrewd. II haven't a dollar
to leave to posterity; not q square inch
of real estate, nor scrap of personal
property" II don't quite see how that
concerns me. !" II dunno that it does
in particular. Only was hopin' that
I'd get well right soon SOS to hustle
around and earn money to pay your
bill. Washington Star.
! "A New York undertaken, or funeral
director, as the reader may prefer, adj
vertised for driver for q hearse, and
among the applicants he selected a
good-looking, strong fellow, with a
solemn couutenance, and took him into
his private office. Before employing
you," said the undertaken, II want to
know if you have had any experience
in this business?'' ''Well, never
drove hearse," admitted the APP
plicant, ''but I've drove the next thing
to it, and guess I can give you salts
faction" 'How do you mean? don't
understand" and it was evident from
the undertaker's puzzled look that he
was speaking the truth. Why" said
the applicant, with confidence, II drove
a rapid delivery wagon in Philadelphia
for seven years." He got the job.
Y. Sun.
lit was Tennessee Methodist class
leader who bad before him six
months, probationer whom he was
questioning for admission to all the priv
ileges of the church. well, Sambo,"
said the class leader, 81 hope you are
prepared to live Christian life in ac
cordance with your profession. Have
you stolen any chickens during the
last six months?" mo, sab! l done
stole no chickens" Have you stolen
any turkeys or pigs?' Sambo looked
grieved. mo, sah!'' 81 am very glad
to hear this good report" continued
the class leader" land trust you will
continue to live an honest, Christian
life" After church Sambo hurried
home with his wife, who had overheard
the catechising. When they were fair
ly out of every body's hearing he drew
a long breath of relief and turned =
self approving glance to his better
half. "Goliy,' he said. in a half-cau-
t1ous whisper. ''ef he'd er said ducks Id
ben lost niggah, suah. Boston
Budget.