The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-01-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

we are not made rich by what we
can get but by what we can't loose. y
RAMS Horn.
swell. how are you doing?" asked
the passenger. Fare" replied the con-
ductor.-PhiIadeLphtG Record
Clara-I haven't put a thing on my
face for three days. Maude-I thought
you didn't look bit like yourself-De-
troit Free Press.
Father-So you failed with every one
OF the six examinersP Student-Just
so. l succumbed to the majority
Fttege'ade BLatter.
Mrs. Houser-What is a stage busi-
ness, anyway, dearp HousereEr-
getting divorces. principally, believe.
-BufaIO Courier.
Kitty-Mr. De Slim makes up in good
looks what he lacks in brains. Jane
he must be a phenomenal beauty.-De-
trott Free Press.
Mistress (thinking about dessert)-
What kind Of pies are you most farnil-
lar withp New Girl-Bakers' pies,
mum.-N Y. Weekly.
We are never willing to admit there
is insanity in our family until some
member of it makes a will that doesn't
suit us.-LOndos IEt-Bits.
He-Do you think that marriage is a
failureP She Irrespective bride e)-No,
hardly failure. just temporary en-
barrassment.-M Y World.
Kitty-What do you suppose her age
is? Toni don't know. But wom-
ans age doesn't matter so much as how
long she has been that age.-Jmdqe.
Il wonder why Smithers said he had
pneumonia when it was only coldp" q
don't know unless it was that he caught
it while fishing. g."-Detrott Tribune.
Ethel-Papa is glad to have you come,
but he says you must start for home at
10 o'clock. George-That's all right,
but when must 1 goP-M 7. World.
Vegetarian (who has been chased
across the fence by cattle)-Just wait,
you stupid brutes. From this moment
am no longer vegetarian Ftiege,adc
BLatter.
She-I like this place immensely since
they have had the new French chef.
He (weak in his French, but generous
to fsult)-Waitah, bring chef for two.
Harlem Life.
"What do you consider the most
AAOo IL tOASCSs dSACN tUo
modest poet. your idea that they are
poetry" replied the heartless editor
Washington Star.
Mother (angrily) You ought to be
thrashed! Why aren't you good boy,
like Tommy Toogoodp Bad Boy-Dun-
no. Mebbe his mother uses moral sua-
sion.-Good Nes0s.
Patient-I wish to consult you in re-
gard to my utter loss of memory. Doc
tor-Aw- yes-why-er in this class of
cases always require my fee in ad-
vance.-Boston Globe.
"How dare you kiss me, sirP" "I'm
awfully sorry, but-did you not en-
courage meP" "And pray. sir, how did
encourage youP" "Well-you took
off your glasses.-BOston Beacon.
Mamma (disappointed)-I thought
Mr. Plunkley was going to propose last
nightp Daughter-So did 1. Mamma
Why didn't heP Daughter-He did.
Mamma-Oh.-Detrott Free Press
Mrs. Talmage-The worst of it is that
when one gets anything new in dress at
the end of the week your servant has it.
Mrs. Crandall-That is, If you have the
same servant at the end of the week.
Truth.
Housekeeper-Half the things you
wash are torn to pieces. Washerwom-
an-Yes, mum; but when a thing is torn
In two or more pieces, mum, count
them as only one piece, mum.-N. z.
Weekly.
Lucille-What would you do if !
should refuse youp Wombly-Ask Miss
Munsey tomorrow night. Lucille-Oh,
well, l couldn't think of putting you
to so much trouble as that.-Bostoa
Courier.
Wiggs-Poor Rusher. He received
many a telegram while he was alive.
Woggs-What of it? Wiggs-Noth-
ing, only they wired his skeleton up at
the medical college this morning. g.-Buf-
fdlo Courier.
Friend-Well, Ethel. how do you like
married live? Ethel enthusiastically
Its simply delightful. We've been
married a week and have had eight
quarrels, and I got the best of it every
time.-FMn.
The wind bloweth, the farmer soweth,
and the subscriber oweth, and the Lord
knoweth that we are In need of our
dues. So come runnin'; this thing OF
dunnin' gives US the blues.-Malledge-
Utlle (Gd.) Union.
Here, Bill" ga5ped the man on the !
ground to the man who was jumping on |
his stomach with pair of heavy boots, |
that amt fair. This is nothing but |
light; it amt no football game!"-ba- |
dtGaGpolis Journal
First Fair One-Cong me,
dear; MIR. Spoofkins proposed to me-
and / have accepted him. Second Fair |
One = Congratulate me, dear; Mr.
Spoofkins proposed to me, and have |
refused.-HaJ Holiday.
Applicant for Situation as Geological
Keeper-May ask why you think it |
necessary that candidates should be
married men, sir? Secretary = MY
good man, how on earth do you expect |
any one else could stand the continual
rowP-HaL- Holiday.
"Folks dat gifts er satisfaction outer
bein' proud" said Uncle Eben, "is les
ez well off ter spread dah vanity while
dey has de chance. Hit am er lucky |
turkey dat got his struttin' all tended to |
las week. ~ Washington Star
II really heard" said the major. "of
mau who sold his vote for gallon Of
whisky" Shocking" "Yes. If the |
suffrage of free-born American citi-
zen is not worth a barrel, smash my
beaver!"-AtlG1atG Constitution.
Father do not require that the man |
who marries my daughter shall be rich. |
AL that ask is that he be able to keep |
out of debt. Suitor-Would you con-
slider a man in debt who borrowed mon
ey from his father-in-lawp-Lte
Miss Youngbride - have not the
sig htest idea how the wedding service
begins. I'll have to look it up. Her
intended (glancing with admiration at |
the wedding gifts)-Why not start off
Know all men by these presentsp"-
Harlem Life.
She-It is very nice to go to the thea
ter, but you never take me along when
you go. He-Well, I'll take you with
me tonight. There is a play on the
boards you ought to see. She-What is