The Dupuyer acantha. [volume] (Dupuyer, Mont.) 1894-1904, 1895-03-02
THECOLD WATER MAN

~ fiituto u NOto "otth.
What cold water would not effect, in
the way of curing the ills which flesh
is heirto, might as well be given up as
impossible.
According to Georges theory, If a
man only drank enough cold water and
soaked himself enough in cold water,
he would live forever, if no accident
took him off suddenly.
He set up a sort Of cold water cure
at his house, obtaining his supply of
water from q well dug at a height suf-
ficient to throw the water to the Sec
ond floor Of his dwelling, for George
lived in the country, where water ]
the house is d rare luxury.
In the bath room was a large Upright
tub, five or six feet higher than a fair
sized mans head, and in this tub
George passed a large part Of his time
doctoring himself.
His wife was a timid, yielding little
woman, and she was constantly made
the subject of her husbands expert
ments in the cold water business.
She had neuralgia, and though she
bore it for a long time in silence, pre-
ferring the pain to Georges doctoring,
in an %unguarded hour she groaned
aloud, and her fate was sealed. A
patient to coddle was Rone's pet desire,
and he began the business with vigor,
Poor Mrs. Rome was showered, and
packed, and sponged, and submerged,
until she was pretty much soaked
away, and one day George turned on
too much water. and it went over her
head, and washed the life entirely out
of her.
Poor woman! After she went to her
long home-which was, properly speak
ing, a short home, seeing that she was
only four feet five-her husband Ia
mented her departure, but stuck to his
first asseveration that she died from
lack of cold water, instead of from SUI
perabundance. For if she had only
done her duty by herself, and bathed
properly, she would have had strength
to have cried out, or burst open the
door of the bathing tub, and SO have
been saved.
When she had been dead a year, Mr..
Rome made arrangement for supplying
her place. Time was short, he said,
and if he ever calculated IN having a
second wife, now was his time.
His choice fell on Patty Fields, a
spinster of forty, with a temper like a
VII ioiSC-po"C SICdLL ClEIuC, tuOu5h
she generally kept it under, and was
all the better woman for having it.
She was not a believer in the cold
water doctrine, but George liked her
quite as well. He shouldc onvert her,
he said, and thus add another mem
Der to the cold water clique.
The welding day came; the feast was
spread, and the guests assembled. The
ceremony was to take place at s
o'clock in the evening, and the ap'
pointed time arrived, and still the
bridegroom tarried.
The guests began to whisper together
and look grave; the parson took to
reading the Bible; Patty shed a few
tears, as in duty bound. and spotted
her lavender tie with the salt water;
and old Major Fields, her father, who
had seen SERVICE" and was as plucky
as a boy Of twenty, put OF his cooked
hat, shou.dered his old "hintlock," and
proceeded to Rone's house with ven
geance in his heart.
The ~servant-girl giggled when she
opened the door and saw him; and
when he asked for Mr.. Rome, she con-
Quoted him to the bathroom with ala
Gritty. There he found the missing
bridegroom, up to his chin in water,
splashing about like a frog, and evil
IDENTIFY enjoying himself much on the
same principle.
"You internal scoundrel'' cried old
Fields, what do you mean by keeping
my darter in suspense, and the wed
din folks AWAITING"
Good gracious, major" exclaimed
George. st can't be eight o'clock,
can it,"
The Major held out to him the old
"bull'seye" watch which had belonged
to his father, and it's hands pointed to
the ominous hour of nine.
"Well, well, Welt" said George,
springing out Of the bath and putting
himself inside his clothes with no
waste of time, "did you ever Re the
beat Of that? Why, l got into the
bath at just six o'clock, and 1 would
have sworn it was only sew now.
Time passes quickly when a man is
engaged in the cause of science. I
was observing the beautiful effects of
cold water in opening the pores of the
epidermis--"
Upper dermis ald lower dermis be
cussed!' cried old Fields, angrily. "A
man that has to soak himself three
hours before he can come to his own
wedding deserves a hoss-whipping.
Are you calculating, sir, to be mar
ried, or not?"
Certainly major. CT rtainly-to be
sure!' said George, h%rrrying up his
toilet, under the supervision of his in
tended fatf:er-in-law Grd the old mus
ket.
Tie wedding was a little later than
the time appointed, but the guests had
better appetltes in consequence of the
delay.
Mr.. and Mrs. Rome had no bridal
tour, but went at once to housekeep-
ing, George did not find a very
plant subject for cold water expert
ments in his second wife. She had a
will Of her own. and absolutely de-
clined to submit to any cold water doc
toripg.
George felt personally aggrieved
over her conduct, for he was sure she
had symptoms of ~biliousness, and he
had great faith in cold water for that
difficulty. Various were the expert.
ments which he adopted to induce
her to try his specific-she was obdu-
rate.
One night Mrs. Rome went to bed
unusually exhausted from a hard
days work. She slept like a top, BIZ
some time in the night she was awak-
ened by a sensation of extreme cold
ness.
She put out her bead. and, 10! there