Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-04-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

y
Held by the enemy"-Tho ulster
which we are unable to redeem
Texas Siftings.
Every man knows in his own heart
that the fools are not all dead YETI
Albany Argus.
This pig went to market,
This one refused to roam;
But the ono that takes two seats in car
We wish would stay at home.
Inter Ocean.
"Well, that bats all, remarked the
Irish fisherman as he looked into his
can in vain for worm. m.-Philadelphia
Life.
The only thing we can recommend
to women for the management of
husband, is to feed him and trust to
luck. .-Atchison Globe.
Sibyl-"When Steve proposed to
me he acted like fish out of water"
Tirpie-"Why shouldn't he? He
knew he was caught. Yankee BLADE.
'Tis now about the time of year
When each friend, overbold,
Fires off this question in your ear,
"Where did you get that cold?'
New York Herald.
When u woman begins to showa
dislike to being called by her pet
name she may be considered as Off
cially out of the matrimonial race
Hudson Register.
Her brow was like the snowdrift,
Her throat was like the swan.
And her hat 1t was the largest
He'd ever looked upon.
Inter Ocean.
He-"I could believe that this was
one of mothers own pies, dear" She
-"Could you, really, darling?" He
Eyes; it tastes us if it had been
made about ten years ago. Inter
Ocean.
Witts-"Talk about word painting.
I know man who is the equal of any
in that line." Watts --"Done some
thing wonderful in books, has he?"
Witts-"Er--no; in signs. "--Buffalo
Courier.
Break Break Break
On thy cold, gray stones, Oh sen.
Thou'lt not, Flt bet, be able to get
AS broke as l soon shall be.
Washington Star.
Stockly-sT hear that your son went
into the Office to work this morning"
Jobly-"He went into the Office to
work me. I was out, but / guess I'd
have been out moro if I'd been in."--
Philadelphia Record.
A girl isn't going to be married soon
if number of gentlemen call on her
on Sunday afternoon. When any
thing serious is in prospect all the
men except the one who is in earnest
drop off.-Atchison Globe.
No moro he pulls his fathers beard
And drives him to despair;
He much prefers handful OF
His brothers football hair.
Washington Star.
Glow do you like tho way 1 wear
my hair now?" asked the football
player. "1t's lovely" replied the
girl. eff your head only had some
silk sewed around it, it would be
lovely soft pillow. "--Dearoit Free
Press.
"Do you think" said the passenger
on the front platform of the street
car, that it hurts horse to dock its
tail?" EYES," replied the man who
handles the brake, "but not as much
as it does driver to dock his wages.
Washington Star.
Little Ned-"Don't take away the
light" Mamma--'I want you to
learn to go to sleep without light.
"Must sleep in the dark?" eyes"
"Well, then, wait minute. guess
I'll get up and say my prayers little
more carefully. Good News.
"Are you used to serving roast beef
rare ?" said the lady who was endeav-
oring to learn whether she suited the
new cook. "No, ma'am," was the
loftily-spoken reply. "Up to me
prisint employmint Owe been used to
serving it frequent. Washington
Star.
Jagwell-'I've made ON awful mis-
take. 1 sent messenger boy up to
Miss Cashley's with lot of flowers,
thinking it was her birthday, and
now learn that her birthday is to-
morrow" Wigwag-"That's all
right; the messenger boy may get
there in time. "-Philadelphia Record.
The art of making money leads
All other human passion.
And mankind generally comedies
Tis quite an honest fashion.
Yet, when man to make the same
Has to the need arisen,
Then justice "tumbles to his game"
And sends him straight to prison.
Richmond Dispatch.