The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-07-05
BITS OF MERRlMeNT.
4its

Tnere ls not much exercise In sew
Ing on buttons, but 1t is better than
none at all.--Galveston News.
The new woman hasn't progressed
so far that she can spade up her own
flower garden yet.-Boston Globe.
Mrs. Grill-Oh, dear, and she hasn't
stopped crying yet. Mr.. GrlIi-Prob-
ably she has been waiting for you to
stop.-Boston Courier
He-You are the only girl who can
make me happy. She (coquettishly)-
sure? He-Yes; l have tried all the
others.-Td-Bits
Son-And what does father do for
his country? Mother-Nothing what
ever, my dear; he Is a member of
Congress.-Boston Bulletin.
Court-Have you any visible means
of support? Female Vagrant-No,
your Honor; | somehow don't take to
bloomers.-Detroit Tribune
That last poem of Jones has the
right ring" said the editor. How so?"
When | opened 1t a silver dollar
dropped out!'-Atlanta Constitution.
The new governess-What are the
comparative and superlative of bad,
Berty? Berry 0he doctors SOM
Observation-Disclosures Budget.
Undergrad Bummler (espying his
tailor and shoemaker sitting together
IN tavern)-Donnerwetter! A meet
ing of creditors, | do believe!-Dorf-
barber
NO, Maud, dear, the quarterback
or an excursion steamer is not so call
ed because you can get seat on 1t for
twenty-five cents. ."-Philadelphia Re-
ccrd.
Money talks" said the oracular
boarder. 1T talks pretty conclusive
ly," admitted the Cheerful Idiot, but
at times 1t gets ratified. d."-Indianapolis
Journal.
Blessed If I amt a regular Trilby."
muttered the man in the crowd after
being stepped on half a dozen times:
everybody gets on to my feet."-Bos-
ton Courier
DID you look at that bill | left
yesterday, sir?" said collector to a
member of Congress. Yes" was
the reply. 1T has passed first read
Ing. g."-Exchange.
He-Why does Miss Middleage nre-
sist in singing My Sweethearts the
Man in the Moon?'" She-Because he
cant come down and deny it,
Harper's Bazaar.
Oldmun-The girls are not so at
tractlve as they were when | was a
young man. Youngun-Don't YOU
mean they are not SO attracted?-
Cincinnati Tribune.
The Tourist-You seem to be proud
OF your family title. The New York
millionaire abroad (proudly)-Of
course am paid for it in good hard
dollars.-Chicago Record.
Friend-And you are very happvq
Brlde-Very. Almost every day
hear of some other girl who would
have jumped at the chance to marry
my husband-Detroit Tribune.
Miss Lille Cusack (coyly. after re-
Jecting Alkali Ikes proposal-"But
III be at home next Sunday night"
Alkali Ike (sourly-"Soll /; and bur-
cusssed If | don't stay thar. New
York Tribune
Benevolent old gentleman Ito the
TWO boys he had just stopped fighting)
Dear me, how dreadful of youi
Whatever is the matter? First rag
ged urchin - He tore'd my clothes
The other boy-Where? First ragged
urchin-I don't know where, but l
heard it.-Spare moments.
Il think" said the Cheerful idiot,
that 1t will not be long before the
fellow who was arrested for the muir
der of that man Saturday will be con-
victed" do you think he is going
to confess?" asked the landlady,
oh, no." said the Cheerful Idiot; II
base my idea on the fact that the con-
fnement in prison may tell on him."
Indianapolis Journal.
Il licked him." said the boy, mourn
ful!y; licked him good, and now
there are couple of big fellows in
the next street jest a-layin' for me to
lick me cause l licked him" "My
son. said the father, earnestly, seeing
an opportunity to impress a lesson
in international politics upon the boy,
now you realize the position that
Japan is in."-Chicago Tribune.