Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-04-04
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
lNGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Joke1ets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born-Sayinas
and Doings that Are Odd. Curious and
Laushable-The Weeks Humor.
Let Us All Laugh.

Miss 1earSay--DO you tllnk 4 woman
ought to work for a husband? Miss
| Quick-Yes, till she gets him.-Phii-
adelphia Inquirer.
Magistrate-Do you prefer charges
against this man? McSwat-Sure, yer
honor, prefer damages
Record.
Mrs. Brownstone-I think Mary's Inu-
sic professor has a beautiful touch
Mr.. BroWnstone-I should say he had!
Seven dollars lesson.-NeW York
World
Old man--What, You nave 10000
thalers in debts, and want to marry my
| daughter? Would-be on-in-laW-Why.
amt your daughter going to have So
| much as that?-Fliegende Blaetter.
Customer-You fellows ought to get
rich. You make 800 or 400 per cent. ON
what you sell. Druggist-Whatc can L
serve you with. Customer-GiVe NE
three two-cent stamps.-NeW York Her
aid.
| Heardso-They say every hearty
laugh adds a day to ones life. Saidso
That depends. | had at least Il week
| kicked out of me for laughing at &
man who fell in the mud-Pearsons
| Weekly.
whats this parrot saying?" asked
| the visitor in the bird store ut doesn't
sound like Polly wants a cracker
mo. It's Polly wants a beam I'm
educating the bird for q Boston lady"
Washington Star.
Lawyer-What's that book you are
reading? Law student-Oh, it's work
| on common sense. LaWyer-Yes, sir.
and one day with such book as that
| would ruin your mind for legal work
| foreyer.-Judge.
Il understand the critics showed your
| poems great deal of consideration"
| said the young woman. "Why, they
didn't say word about them,' replied
| the young man. "That's what meant"
| Washington Star.
do you believe in Woman's rights!'
asked the American young man. Ger
| tainly," replied Lord Doddleby. "My
| fiancee has 100000 in her own right,
and | consider it deuced charming i'm
| her. "-Washington Star.
Smithers-Brown, you are a well
read man, what do you think is the
| greatest thing about the world?
| Brown-Well, to be accurate, Smithers,
/ think it's the Observation-Disclosures
| Freeman.
Young wife (dreamily)-How lovely
| it would be if all things in this world
| would work in harmony. Husband
| thoughtfully)-M yes! For instance,
if coal would only go up and down
with the thermometer-NeW York
| Weekly.
Wife-Cousin Clara needs a new pen
knife. and would like to give her one
Of mine; but people say that Il gift Of
a knife will cut friendship. Husband
-Haveno fear; no knife that one wonl-
| an gives another will cut anything
Boston Globe. !.
First citizen-The spirit Of anarchy
can only be found in large cities. Sec
ond citizen-Guess that's so. A man
never feels like Strengthening the whole
human race until he lives in q fiat,
With a piano above and q baby below.
New York Weekly.
Il wish could marry count" said
q girl who had been reading about
Anna Gould's wedding. "You have
plenty of admirers replied her mar
ried sister eyes, I know" she admit
ted, with a little sigh, "a countless
number. ''-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
My" said the shoe clerk boarder,
"but | did get q fine lot of sarcasm
from my tailor "-hen l had to stand
him off again. Still, rather think
deserved it, SIN other Words CUR
gled the Cheerful Idiot, 'yo1 deem his
remarks both cutting and fitting."-
Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Goodhart-Go into the kitchen
and cook will fix you out. Wandering
Nillie-Thanks. wild profuse gratitude,
madam, but-but if you has no objec-
ton, I'd rather partake Of refreshment
in de open air. Like me friend, Chaun-
cey Depew. I'm very fond Of dining
out.-ceW York Ledger
bridegroom about to marry the
Youngest Of three sisters)-My dear
friend, I want you to stand right be-
nd ne during the ceremony, and keep
cur eyes open. I am very near-sight-
ed, and I am afraid they night sub
stitute the oldest sister at the critical
noment-Fliegende Blaetter.
"Ah." said the visitor, patting the
Fauntleroy young one ON the head,
there is the man Of the future" II
am afraid you are right said the
father. with a sign. II heard him ask
ing his mother if his hat was on
straight this morning when he started
To school "--Cincinnafi Tribune.