Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-08-19
JUST FOR FUN.

she understands men p0rIoctly. ono
ought to after tending soda fountain
three seasons.
Teddy-What are Women's Rights,
pa? Pa-Everyth they want, my
boy; always remember that.
I understand, said the stranger, that
you invite new settlers? We do, re-
piled the editor How much do you
owe us?
l hear, Miss Impecune, that you
have the bicycle craze. Yes. That is,
I have the craze, but Pm sorry to say
I haven't the bicycle.
] Don't throw old shoes at bride.
Make neat package and send them
to her three years after her marriage.
They may be acceptable.
Judge Your innocence is proved.
You are acquitted. Prisoner = Very
sorry, gentleman, to put you to SO
much trouble for nothing.
Teacher-What became of the chill
dren of Agamemnon? Pupil (after
are dead by this time.
Hackett (gloomily) Il tell you,
Charley, this is a hard, hard world.
Sacket Gnterestedly) So you have
bought bicycle, have you?
Teacher If you had told me the
truth shouldn't have whipped you.
Johnny (whimpering) - Why didn't
yer tell me that fore told Their lie?
A pretty good one and pretty true
one from the Boston Globe: It's easy
enough to tell a Yale man anywhere
this year, but you can't tell him
much.
"Did you tender your resignation"
resigned by request, sir; but there
was nothing tender about it. It was
tough.
Invalid-Doctor, I should not fear
death, but I am so afraid of being
buried alive. Physician = You need
have no fear of that, with me attend
ing you.
Latin and Greek are all right, said
Delaware farmer as he halted his
team, but gimme man who can pillow
around an apple tree 'thout touching
the roots.
Author - Well, professor, how do
you like my new play? Critic-Splen-
did, Wonderful! So realistic, espec-
tally the burglars in it! Even their
dialogue is stolen.
Hudson : Did you say that your
house was fifteen minutes walk from
the station? Judson-Never timed it
except in the morning. 1t is nine
and half minutes run.
Aspiring Poet I'll set the world
ablaze yet. His wife-I do hope you
will, dear. Would you mind making
a fire in the kitchen stove-just as
matter of practice, you know.
What more should women want? he
asked. Is not the world at her feet
now? Of course it is,replied the sharp
nosed girl. You do not expect her to
walk on her hands do you?
Sometimes, sighed the man who is
welded to a woman with mind of
her own, I think my wife must take
me for a pneumatic tire, the way she
is blowing me up all the time.
Gladys-Since you discharged your
dining room girl, how do you and
your younger sister get on with the
work? Constance oh, nicely; she
sets the table and set the clock.
Guest-By Jove, I've eaten such
hearty dinner that I guess I'll have to
go upstairs and sleep it off. Hotel
Clerk : In that case, Well have to
charge you with a meal taken to your
room.
A shoemaker hung out sign as fol-
ows: Don't go elsewhere to be cheat
ed. Walk in here. He wondered
what made the people on that side of
the street so good natured all that
forenoon.
Edwin-What do you think I have
n this 1ocket, dearest? The postage
stamp on your last letter. 1t has been
touched by your lips. 1t often touch
% mine. Angelina oh, Edwin, Pm
30 very sorry, I moistened that hor-
id postage stamp on Fido's dear,
lamp nose!