davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
No. 59O.-ArithmeticaI Pnzzles.

l. There are two numbers of which the
fourth part of the larger is equal to the
third part of the smaller, and the differ
ence between them is 7. What are the
numbers?
?. Two persons, A and b, start at a.
IN. from two places, II miles apart, to
walk until they meet. A walks at the rate
of four miles an hour and at the rate of
three miles an hour. When will they meet
and how many miles will each have
walked?
3. What is the number of which one half
plus one-third plus one-fourth plus one
sixth will amount to three more than the
original number?
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
He Was Equal to 1t.

An Irish car driver was called upon to
settle a weger which turned upon his
ability to answer any question that was
put TO him without stopping to think. The
circumstances having been explained to
the man lie said, BE after askin me the
question, your 'onner."
well, now, Pat, tell me what's moth
ing?"
"Arrah, now, shut your eyes and yen
see nothing Immediately" was the instant
and brilliant answer. st. Paul Dispatch.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09

No. 5Si.-A Tour In the State of New York.
Two sisters Gowns on the Gcnesee river)
started forth to see the Ga town near Sen
eca river. one of them wrapped about
her (part of town on the st Lawrence) {;
the other Carried the latest edition of "a
town near Lake Cayuga), as Latin was
her delight They found themselves in
(Dutchland), in Ga city of Old Castile) on
Tan island of the West Indies), in Ga sea
port city of Ireland), in Ga bay of Italy,,
on Ga battlefield of Belgium), in Ga ia
nous university in England), in Ga city in
Germany, in Ga city in India) from which
they missed the ruins and the seven gates
in Ga renowned city in Greece, in Ga city
of Scotland), in IAN ancient city in Africa,
in "a city in Switzerland, near (the home
of Shakespeare, in Ga place in the land of
Canaan). They were quite close to "a
large city on Lake Erie, but were not at
all alarmed. They calmly beheld Ga vol
cano in Sicily and they saw feline crea-
tures) and Inhabitants of the deep Destroy
mountains.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
L Monder of Antinnitx.

One of tie greatest wonders of ancient
Egypt was the famous srtiflcial body of
water called Lake Mocrs According to
HerodOtus, 1.-THE measure of its circumfer-
ence was 3, 300 furlongs, which is equal to
the entire length of Egypt along the sea-
coast The excavation, which was made
IN the time of King Mooris (the Alemnon
of the Greeks and Romans), was of vary
ing depths and its center was occupied by
two pyramids, the apeXes of which We're
300 feet higher than the surface of the wa
ter. The water for this gigantic artificial
reservoir was obtained from the Nile
through canal, which six months of the
year had an inflow and the other six an
outflow, corresponding to high and low
water in the river. The canal gradually
filled with sand and the lake has long
since evaporatcd, but its bottom is still
one of the most fertile tracts in Egypt
st. Louis Republic.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
A spLURGE iM WHEAT.
The Farmer who Wanted to Sell Learned
Al Abnnt Onfinns.


Il see" remarked the wide awake farm
er, "that wheat has gone up to 20 cents in
Chicago, and there's report that it will
keep goin till it gets to dollar Now, I'd
like to contract to sell you my crop for 10
cents. Seventy cents will do me I'd rath-
er have a sure thing while it's goin than
to take my chances on dom better by wait
in"
But" replied the commission mer-
chant, Il can't agree to contract for your
wheat at 20 cents"
"Why not? It's goin up to a dollar, and
you'll make 80 cents a bushel. Amt that
enough?"
"Oh, yes, but you see that 20 cents is
only speculative price 1t amt what
they pay for real wheat.
Don't pay that for real wheat? What
in thunder do they pay it for, them"
"Why, fer options"
"Well, what the blazes are options?"
"Why, they're promises to get wheat
and sell it for such and such price"
"Wcll, them they got to get the wheat,
amt they?'
"No; they sell the promises again. &C
cording as the market rises or falls"
"And they don't buy and sell any real
wheat at all:"
"Not much"
"Just buy and sell wind at 20 cents "a
bushcl?'
"That about it."
"Thundcr and Mars, wish I'd knowed
that last fall! l wouldn't a-sowcd any
wheat. I'd tied my grainbags to the back
O. Iny fannin mill and kept the boy turnin
it all winter till I'd filled all the bags I
could get hold of But it amt too late
yet. BY gosh, if rs wind they want,
stead of wheat, I can supply tie market
for the hull country right of my own
farm !'-Butfalo Express
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
sss,29 Azs@ sG2
THE PUz2LER
No. bs5.-Hidden Prnrerh.

BY taking one word from each sentence
a familiar proverb may be found:
1t is time we were getting ready to 90
out.
am going to London and shall 20 TO
the Geological gardens.
The tide is coming in very fast
have not time to wait for you.
Will you go to the post for me?
When you asked May to tea today, did
she say yes or no?
saw man with monkey when 1 was
out today.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09

One of the most delightful accessories to
a bureau drawer is IA rosebag, imparting,
as 1t does, just the faintest perceptible
yet subtly penetrating and lingering rose
odor without suggestion of sachets OF
perfumery. A rosebag may be made of
faint rose colored china silk, filled with
rose leaves and tied loosely in the middle
with broad rose hued satin ribbon.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
The Corn Fed Philosonher.

"The actions of some of these reform
ers, said the corn fed philosopher, ire
mind me much of the way my father used
to pull weeds in the garden Tor about "a
minute to show me how easy it was.
Then he would go off and sit down in the
shade and leave me to keep at it all fore
noon. '-Indianapolis journal
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
MAKE MY SPIRIT PURE AND CLEAR.

Mako Thou my spirit pure and clear
As are the frosty Xxi. So
Or this first suowGrop of the year
That in my bosom lies.
As these white robes are soil Il and dark,
To yonder shining ground;
As this palo tapor'S earthly spark
To yOndcr argent round
So shows my soul before the Lamb,
Ny spirit before Thee,
So in mine earthly house am
To that hope to bel
Break up the heavens, O Lord, and far
Through all yon starlight keen
Draw me, thy bridc-a glittering star
In raiment white ana clean
-Tcnnyson
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
Key to the Puzzler.
Double Half Square:

No. 57s.-Charade: Stop-page
No. 57g.-Crossword: ''When a mans
single"
No. 5s0.-Peculiar Problems: l. His
birthday was on the Goth of February,
and he may have had five children and died
just before reaching his sixth birthday
on Feb. 20, 1S04-when he would have
been % years old As 1900 was not a leap
year. he would not have had a birthday in
that year. ,. Sixty
No. 5Sl.-Primal Acrostic: l. Kangaroo.
2. Eagle 3. Alligator. T. Turtle 3.
Snail
No. 5S2-A Fish Story-Anagrams l.
The skate. 2. Cachalot 3. The salmon.
4. Porbeagle .. The pride. 6. The
gudgeon. :. Xiphias s. Thornback. 8.
The clam, 10. Bluedsh. IL. The lobster
IL. The catfish. 49, The minnow. IA.
The barnacle. 10. Chimera. 16 Floun-
der II. Pilchard. Is. The sinner 10.
The halibut. 20. The razor fish. 81. The
tetrodon. %. Sea frog. 23. The eel "a.
The sole. %. Tho crappie. 26. Whitefish.
%. Grayling 2S. The pickerel 20. Rock
fish. 30. Sturgeon. 81 The muscle 32.
The herring. 80. Fireflare. a. Narwhale
85. Argentine. 36. Goldfish. 81. The
mullet. 3s. Starhsh. 80. The whiting.
40, The tope.
No. $50. -Beheadments; Plump, Ideal,
Zone, Adult Remit, Race, Open. In
itials: Pizarro.
No. 5s4.-Parts Equal to the whole l.
Dead 2. Apt. 3, Apart. L. Able. g.
Real. 8. Notion.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
Upheld by the Bible.

Father-What do you mean, sir by hug
ging my daughters
Jack Ford-I was merely obeying the
Biblical injunction TO "hold fast that
which is good. Lewiston Journal.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09

Foote, the comedian, was once threat
ened with awhipping because he had carl
catured certain man. He apologized fer
vently, adding, why, l take myself off
sometimes' And slipping through an
opening in the fence he illustrated the
aeed
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09

In 1858 an island in the Missouri river,
near Leavenworth, contained 800 acres.
Now it has spread until it comprises l, 400
acres. A coal mine has been found on it.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
No. 5S0.-Nalf Squares.

l. A foreigner. 2 Soil. g. A writing
fluid. 4. A boys name. .. A letter.
l. A native princess of India. 2 Dry.
3. a point. I. a boys nickname. 5. A
letter
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
All the Difference

Daughter-Fr Frank said something to me
last night.
Mother-I hope it was apropos.
Daughter-It was more, mamma. It
was a apropos- al.-New York Herald.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
No. 5SS.-Satisfactions.

Key.-Satisfy the blanks with words of
different spelling and Specification, but
the same pronunciation:
l. Kenneth has - so much better
that | no longer hear him -.
2. He did not choose to deliver the -
in the - of Madeline
3. He read short - about the broad
- of beaver
4. Annie - that Mrs. Green was a
- of Mrs. White
.. Mrs. Allen and - took voyage to
-, France
8. She read that - boys found -
of money in an ash barrel
Z. Mary - that some capes are lined
with -
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09

About 800 organ grinders arrive in Lon
don every June from Italy and leave again
about October.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09

When the names of the - objects pic
tured have been rightly guessed the initial
letters will spell the title Of an English
statesman who was born in 1SO5.-St.
Nicholas
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1895-08-09
HUMPHREYS,

Nothing has ever been produced to
equal or compare with Humphreys
Witch Hazel Oil as a CURATIVE and
HEALING APPLICATION. 1t has been
used 40 years and always affords relief
and always gives satisfaction.
1t Cures PILES or HEMoRRHo1Ds, External
or Internal, Blind or Distinguishing and
Burning; Cracks or Fissures and Fistulas.
Relief immediate-cure certain.
1t Cures BURNS, Scalds and Liberation and
Contraction from Burns. Relief instant.
1t Cures Torn, Cut and Lacerated
Wounds and Bruises.
1t Cures BoILs, Hot Tumors, Ulcers. Old
Sores, Itching Eruptions, Security or Scald
Head. 1t is Infallible.
1t Cures 1NFLAMED or CAKED BREASTS
and Sore Nipples. 1t is invaluable.
1t Cures SALT RHEUM, letters. Scurfv
Eruptions, Chapped Hands, Fever Blisters,
Sore Lips or Nostrils, Corns and Bunions,
Sore and Chaied Feet, Stings of Insects.
Three Sizes, 25c., soc. and sI.oo.
Sold by Druggists sent postpaid receptoprice
HUMPHREYS MED. CO.. 4 I a Niuls.,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-10-03
SKETCHES BY III. QUAD
A. Battle In a Bottle.


He was little man, and he was full
of excitement as he entered the police
station and inquired for the boss. When
told that the man behind the desk would
attend to him, he shouted:
"Well, I want man arrested at
oncel''
whats the trouble?" was asked.
s'Why, there's a man over here got
two grasshoppers in bottle He caught
one in town and the other is a country
grasshopper, and the way they are fight
ing is just something awful to seel You
ought to send an officer to put stop to
the conflict and arrest the confictor.
Any man as will set two grasshoppers
to fighting wouldn't hesitate to burn a
buildingr'
so the hoppers are fighting, eh?''
queried the sergeant.
''They are, sir, and it's enough to
make your blood run cold to see 'em. I
was there when he dropped the city
grasshopper in on top of the other. I
hope never to see such sight again.
They seized each other by the throat at
once, and mebbe both of 'en are dead
by this time. The man never tried to
separate 'em tall, but just put the bot
tie on box and yelled at 'em to go in
and chaw each other up. viii you send
an officer back with ne?"
The sergeant informed him that there
was neither law nor ordinance to pre-
vent a grasshopper fight to the death,
and that nothing could be done to the
man who stood by and encouraged them.
''Great heavens, but what country -
exclaimed the caller as ne mopped his
perspiring forehead. ''There are two in
sects tearing at each others vitals, and
there stands a fiend in human shape
calling first to one and then the other to
put forth superhuman exertionsl No
law! No ordinancel No punishment for
such a crilnei Then, sir, will make a
law !"
"Don't get excited" cautioned the
sergeant.
'fNo, sir, won't will be as calm
as the Grampian hills, but I will re-
turn to that man and dash him to earth
and pull those insects apart and give
them their freedom. Yes, sir, and 1
will then write to the papers and ask if
tlis is the nineteenth century, and l
will see various clergymen and arouse
public sentiment, and I will even take
the rostrum myself and help to create
wave OF Indignation which will roll
over this country till-till!"
But the little mans emotions choked
him right there and turned him red in
the face, and the sergeant bowed him
out and added that he was sorry, but
eeuldn't help it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-10-03
PRIEST CONFESSES.
Father Wagner Asks to Marry
Maud Steidel.
He Has Been Intimate With Her
for Months.
MAUD is WILLING.
But Her Folks Are Utterly OPP
posed to 1t.
The Priest Would Resign and
Go Into Business.

ST. JOSEPH, Mo-, Oct. 3.-Father
Wagner has confessed everything and
has asked permission to marry the
girl. His confession is made to Sheriff
Adriano and Alexander Podvant,
Maud Stiedel's uncle. No action has
yet been taken by relatives.
He admitted that he had been init
mate with Miss Steidel and stated that
the intimacy had extended over
period of eighteen months. He
claimed that it was his intention to
resign from the priesthood and as soon
as that was accomplished he had in
tended to marry the girl and get out
of the country. He said that he had
several thousand dollars of his own
which had been left to him as a legacy,
his possession of which was not known
to the public, and with this money he
had intended to take care of his wife
and engage in business. The confess
sion was made in the presence of the
uncle of the girl, Alexander Podvant,
and at its conclusion the priest begged
Podvant to intercede with the mother
of the girl and allow him to make
what reparation was possible by mar
riage to the girl, whom he said he
dearly loved.
The mother of Miss Steidel is utterly
opposed to the union of her daughter
with the disgraced priest, and declined
to listen to any overtures of that char
acter. The young woman is said to
favor the proposition, and it is under
stood that all of her relatives favor
the idea and will see if they can not
get Mrs Steidel to look on the matter
favorably. Father Wagner asked Miss
Steidel and relatives to assist him in
stopping he prosecution against him,
i
succeed.
Maude Steidel said her relations
with the priest began about a wear
ago. She is willing to marry him,
and says in the event of a wedding
they will go to Chicago to reside.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-10-03
he Left the Wrong Leg.

There was a man from North Dakota
sitting near me Oh the veranda Of Cape
May hotel when a mendicant with
wooden leg came along and took off his
ragged old straw hat and began:
kind sir, am not to blame for my
present situation. From where you sit
you can see the iron pier. -
Eyes, L see it, y replied the guest.
''About 200 feet off the end of the
pier, four years ago this month, shark
seized me while l was bathing and bit
Of my leg. He got hold of both of them,
Her months languished IN a hospital. "
S'You mean you were a patient in a
Eospital?''
Eyes. sir. thought 1anguished was
the proper term, but you know best.
Maen L recovered, I hadn't a dollar to
ny name. and am now dependent upon
the charity Of the public. Sir, if you
''You say the shark seized you by
both legs?" queried the man from Da-
RDta.
Eyes, sir, he did. I was swimming
:t3cut when all at once I felt both my
Itgs seized as if in a wise I gave utter
&nce to a shrek of terror and"-
''That is, you cried out?'
eyes, sir To utter is to cry, sup
pose, but if the term utter is distaste-
ful to you we will not use it. The shark
bad me by both legs. sir. p"
"Ah he had your
f'He did, sir. By a supreme effort I
ezricated my left leg from the nav of
ire voracious monster. -
''That is. you yanked one leg free
from his hold:'
Eyes, sir; 1 made a supreme effort,
AID he was voracious monster, but if
ytu don't like the terms 1 won t use
ZEN. -
And You got your left leg free?"
II did. sir. -
And left him to chaw up your
risht?"
Eyes, sir; am sorry to have to ap-
peal to you, but under the''-
Not q blamed cent? exclaimed the
D@kota man as he brought his hand
down Oh his leg.
But. sir, I am an unfortunate
lido I" persisted the mend:cant.
Can help that. That shark had you
by both legs. 1t lay with you which leg
to yank away. Any man who'll save
his left leg when he can save his right
is blamed idiot, and he needn t come
whining around mel I'm tender hearted
and willing, but III save my dollars for
the man who saved his right leg. Coon,
siT-go right Oh with your left leg and
don't try to make me responsible for
year idiotic blunders!'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-10-03
MUNYON PERSISTS
That His Remedies Do
Positively Cure.
10 This End He Offers the Volunteered
Testimony Of Well Known Citizens
Read What They Say.

George o. Fisher, Esq, a we'll known
artist of Allegheny, Pa, and who resides
at 296 Robinson street. says: 81 have suf-
feTed for years from rheumatism of my
arms and legs; l have doctored with sew
eral different physicians, but to no avail;
but since taking a bottle of Munyon's
Rheumatism Cure feel quite well. l can
heartily recommend it to all rheumatism
sufferers"
John L Gill, residing at "a North
Grant avenue, Columbus, O., aged SO
years, says: - suffered from rheumatism
for over 30 years. The pains were very
severe, and often I was unable to move
around. l have doctored with many
physicians and taken all kinds of patent
medicine, but never received any relief
until began using Munyon's Rheuma-
tism Cure. Within 70 hours after tax
ing the first dose | was free from pain
and am now completely cured"
Thousands of testimonials, covering
every portion of the country. could be
published from people in all walks of
life, who have been cured by Prof. Mum
yon's Remedies OF such diseases as Cat
arrh, Dyspepsia, Rhuematism, Kidney
and Liver Diseases, Female Com plants,
Asthma, Coughs and Colds, etc, sic.
Munyon's Homeopathic Home Rem
dy Company, of Philadelphia, put up
specifics for nearly every disease, which
are sold by ali druggists mostly for 20
cents bottle.
With Munyon's Remedies every one
can doctor themselves.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-10-03
Insurance Tax Money.

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo, Oct. 3.-State
Auditor Seibert apportioned the SlO7,-
sos. s4 county foreign insurance tax
moneys for 1895, now in the state treas
ury, to the various counties and the
city of St. Louis upon the basis OF
11.392s cents per capita of school chill
dren, as shown by the last enumera-
ton. This money is in lieu of county
and municipal taxes on the net premi-
ums collected by foreign INSURANCE
companies in 1894, and will, when paid
to the counties, be divided between
the revenue funds of the counties and
incorporated cities and towns.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-10-03


his mortal remains would make me hap
pier. Perhaps he can, look down from
heaven and see my brother1y offering.
s'Yes, perhaps he can" dryly replied
the girl. .You want a few flowers, eh?'
''Just few flowers, miss, but as it is
a long way TO the cemetery, and as 1
haven t had anything to eat for couple
of days, perhaps-perhaps''-
s'No, we couldn t., - she said.
''No bread and butter and meat?"
'fNot bit. -
can old coat or vestf''
"Not any,
"Not glass of milk or cup Of cof-
fee?''
''No, siri If you want few flowers
to place on your manly brothers. grave,
suppose
''No, ma'am-no, ma am - he inter-
rupted as he waved his arms about.
"We won't mind the flowers. He was a
manly and upright brother, but he
starved to death right in this town! !
can do the same thing-the same thing |
I'll go up and see his grave, but instead
of placing flowers on it I will let my
tears fall upon the turf and tell James
that will soon join him in the blessed
paradise above. That will be just as
well. miss, JUST as well, and should
your conscience cry out after it is too
late, should you wish to do something
to still the accusing voice, you may
come up and lay a cold biscuit and an
old undershirt on the double graves in
which we sleep silently and wellP'-
NJ Quad in Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-10-03
TOHAVE MORE PAVEMENT.
Progressive Citiz ms Bound to Have Nice
streets i'm spite of Opposition.

Progressive Citize Bound to Have Nice
Streets in Spite of Opposition.
1t is probable that before cold weather
comes Topeka will have two blocks of
paving added to the list
One block of paving which is assured
is that on Eleventh street between Van
Buren, and Harrison. The property
owners have signed the petition. The
petition is in the hands of the committee
on streets and walks, and the committee
will present favorable report at the
next meeting of tho council and q
resolution pass declaring it neees-
sary to pave the block. I hen there must
be wait of thirty days for protests to be
made. after which the contract will be
let.
Another block is on Twelfth street,
between Topeka avenue and Tyler
streets. me of the people living on the
block have been trying for year TO
have tle block paved, but have SO far
failed When the test came it was found
that they lacked one lot of having half
the property, necessary to secure the
pavement.
Mr. A. A Hurd has overcome this OBJ
sacle by purchasing a tract of ground
adjoining his place, and the
city clerk says that they now
have q half lot more than the neces-
sary half Of the property. This viii
enable the council to take the initial
steps. The committee will also report
favorably on this petition
At the next meeting of the council a
petition will be presented requesting the
having Of the alley back of the new court
house. running from Fourth to Fifth
avenues north and south.