Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-10-21
JUST FOR FUN.

hOlIlnS-Wny QOn'C you guy d " Hooi
and stop borrowing? Bangem-I can't
ride we'll enough yet.
Of course the farmer will have
large crop of oats, with nothing to
feed them to but bicycles.
An exchange says that gossip orig
mated at the tea table and doubtless
came originally from the two words,
''go' and ''sip."
Old Lady (to motorman on trolley
Car)-Ain't you afraid of the electric
ity, Mr.. Motorman = No, ma'am,
amt conductor.
Hecker = Pm glad to see you out
again, old man. I hear you've been
very near Deaths door. Decker
Invent as far as the DOCTORS.
She-They say there are microbes
in kissing. He = Nonsense. What
dangerous disease do they develop
into? She-Marriage, sometimes.
He-Is my suit, then, so helpless
that you turn your back? She-N-no,
Mr.. Breezy, but you fan SO excitedly
that you were disarranging my bangs.
"And your husband isn't angry be-
cause you want to go to the country
for two months?n s'Not at all-he is
really glad'' ''Then wouldn't go.'
"Can you give me any good reason
for these impressionist pictures?"
She-yes, indeed; they can be hung
either side up with equally good eff
feet.
Bobby (who has just been ducked)
Say, sister, what old fool put all that
salt in the ocean? Sister-Why! God
put the salt in the ocean so we could
have salt mackerel.
Two little children looking at the
moon one evening, the younger ask
eds the moon Gods wife? Older
Child (patronizingly) No, you silly
child; God is bachelor.
Nellie-Look at those pretty COWS.
Maudie-They are not COWS; they
are calves. Nellie-But what is the
difference? Maudie-Why, COWS give
milk, and calves give jelly.
"I wouldn't marry the best man liv-
ing" said she. ''But haven't asked
you,n he retorted, and then she wish
ed he had, and when he did she chang
ed her mind and accepted him.
"What more should woman want?"
he asked SIS not the world at her
feet now?" t'Of course it ISL replied
the sharp nosed girl. "You do not
expect her to walk on her hands, do
your"
''Here, now! 1t is agin the law to
ssBut I'm not riding; Pm only trying
to-" ''Be jabers, thin, Oi'll run We in
for givin' an akkyrobatic exhibition
widout license.
A little boy asked at the dinner ia
BILE one day, ''What is chilli saucer"
Little Mary, his sister, who had just
begun to read, answered as grave as
Judge cts the sauce that chills, but
not mebriates."
Pompous Author (to veteran editor)
What would you advise man to do
whose ideas are in advance of the
times? Veteran Editor promptly
1 would advise him to sit down quiet
ly and wait for the times to catch up.
A bachelor being asked why he did
not marry, replied that his hair was
getting thin. "What has that got to
do with the matter?" his questioner
continued. "Why," said the bachelor,
''isn't every woman now days going
for the poll? can't afford it.'
eve will have to fight this time,
sure" the aid ventured to remark.
'tAnd why this painful necessity"
haughtily demanded the Spanish gen
eral. Because" humbly replied the
aid, as he bowed low, "because the
rebels have got between us and the
telegraph Office"
Bessie was just finishing her break
fast as papa stopped to kiss her before
going down town. The little one
gravely took up her napkin and wiped
her cheek. "What, Bessie,' said her
father, "wiping away papa's kiss?"
ooh, no." said she, looking up with a
sweet smile, ''I'se wubbing it in"
RuckIen'S Arnica SalVe.