The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1895-07-24


IT is always pleasant to meet per-
son who can talk on any subject, pro-
vided he does not attempt to do it while
in your company.
GREEN GATES" Is your son doing
well at college7" Halsey Putnam
n ut as we'll as / expected; he is only
playing center field. "-Brooklyn Eagle.
MISTRESS" Do you want to wear
my patience out, Mary?" Servant-"I
would prefer your silk, mum, if it's
the same to you."-Los Angeles Her.
aid.
hit doan' pay ter min de tongue
OBJ envy" remarked Uncle Eben. "Yoh
kin make lot OBJ folks jealous by jes'
keepin' quiet an bein' Wash
ington Star.
WHEN er man talks err tremenjus
sight bout whut a good frien' OBJ yourn
he u.s." said Uncle Eben, "listen ter
i'm, but doan' trade bosses wifi 'im.''-
Washington Star.
CRANKLIN is such contemner of
the new woman in her bicycle garb
that he will not look upon flower gar
den if there happen to be any boomers
in it.-Exchange.
TEACHER Gin Episcopalian Sabbath
schooD-"Can any little boy tell me
about Good Friday?" Eager Scholar
" He was the Teller that done chores for
Robinson Clusoe. Truth.
STOUT LADY Cat street crossing to DO
liceman-" Couldn't you see me across
the street, officer?" Policeman" Sure,
madam, could see we tin times the
distance, aisy."-London Tit Bits.
"ANNA, your lover was again in the
kitchen till ten O'Clock last night. 1
cannot allow that any more" 81, too,
have been thinking if we couldn't have
supper a little earlier. "-Fliegende Blat-
ter.
"THE great trouble with young men
who want to see life," remarked the
corn-fed philosopher, is that they
imagine that there is none of it
worth seeing by daylight. "-Cincinnati
Tribune.
FRIEND Ito professor of philology)-
=" What struck your attention particu-
larly on your vacation trip" Professor
-" A hundred and twenty-five I'M
photographic sign-boards. "-Fliegende
Batter.
Mr.. ASKER" They tell ME that the
bookkeeper of your firm is behind in
his accounts; is that sop MIR. Tasker-
" Far from it; he came out ahead It's
the company that's behind. Pear
sons Weekly.
"WHY do you and Bobby quarrel so
much? l hope my Willie is not a self
ish little boy" "No, mamma, Pm not
selfish, but Bobby is. He always wants
to play the games don't want to-
Harper's Bazaar.
TEACHER-"This is 1895. Now if
your sister said she was born in 1878,
how old should you say she ISL"
johnny" Twenty eight" Teacher
" But how could that be?" Johnny
"That's what always puzzles me-"
ibid you have enough clothes on
your bed?" asked the landlord, the
morning after his guest had shivered
through the night. Enough to keep
the mosquitoes off of me-" was the re-
ply; "but not enough to keep me from
freezing"
BROWN Gan artisD-" There is
great deal of discussion about the pro-
portions of perfect figure" Spiflns-
" l know there is, but digit preceded
by dollar mark and followed by five
ciphers would satisfy me. "-Pittsburg
Chronicle. Telegraph.
"WELL, Jimmie, how much did you
put in the Sunday-school box to-day?"
"Ten cents" said Jimmie. 1t was
good business, too. Teacher gave me
a card for being the most generous boy
in the class, and snapped it off for
postage stamp worth fifteen cents with
Billie Wilkins. "-Harper's Bazaar.
MOTHER" Where have you been,
Johnny? Your hair is dripping wet and
your stockings are full of sand. Surely,
you have not been in bathing when /
told you you mustn'?" Johnny
".Thats just like woman; always try
ing to find out how a man spends his
time when he's away from the housed"
"No," said Smallwort, who was TAX
ing his ease under his own vine and fig
tree, "no, l won't give you anything TO
eat, but if you'll do some work l will
give you quarter in cash." "Do you
know" said Everett Wrest, " that I've
RoI nlSuly gnu Case aSlu you Ier AZ
tempted bribery, if l only felt like
pushin' it?"-Cincinnat Tribune.
: THEY were seated in the parlor con-
versing on the uncertainty of life. She
"The future is vast, unfathomable
mystery to us, isn't it?" He" Yes;
all we know is that we have to go some
time" Voice from the library" 1t
would suit the convenience of this
household if you'd make it little
sooner than that" - Richmond De-
spatch.
SOME time ago the Prince of Wales
visited factory where great number
of men were employed. The prince
asked one of the workmen: "What
wages do you receive here?" WE'LL"
replied the honest workman, scratch
ing his head and partially lifting his
cap with the same hand, " that depends
on what they is. A chap like you
would get about eighteen bob week"
-Tit-Bits.
Form RUn SuCrEesEs -Havino tho