The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-12-07
WIGGLES WORTH GETS Up.
There Is cry of ''Fire!" and He Nobsy
Responds.


house at night smites the ear with star
nrornertv or<naeA
Apparently not approaching this fact,
bibulous gentleman, faring uncertainty
past the darkened house of Wigglesworth,
lifted the upper part of his head with
hiccoughing gesture and projected his
voice in strident shrek:
"Fire!"
He then whooped once or twice and dis
appeared on the horizon.
"ElleryF' cried Mrs. Wigglesworth, sit
ting up in bed.
"Wummpmhm?'' Mr.. Wigglesworth in
coherently answered.
"Get up-get up at once!'' called his
wife, shaking him violently. "There's q
fre!''
With-o bound the half wakened Wig
ellsworth was in the middle of the room
elawing for his garments
What re done with my clothes?'' he
exclaimed, waving his arms around in the
darkness.
They're on the chair, right where you
left them, . responded Mrs. Wigglesworth,
making the answer that a wife always
makes. "Oh, Ellery! Where do you sup
pose it is?"
"How do know?'' answered Mr. Wig
L
bedpost when l undressed. -
81 don't mean that - said Mrs Wiggles-
worth. ST mean the fire. Where do you
think, Fllery?''
"Where do think?' repeated Mr.. Wig
ellsworth, impaling himself on bayonet
belonging to the rocking chair and lifting
his voice into a shrek. 'Where does any
body think that knows anything? Oh, my
foot, my foot''
What ails your foot?'' asked Mrs Wig
ellsworth, straining her eyes through the
darkness.
what ais itf" howled Mr.. Wiggles-
worth, picking up his poor, MANNED mem
Der and hopping about the room with it.
'What ye pose? Think it's got the
measles, don't We? Who put that rocking
chair side of my bed?''
sit isn't beside the bed, returned Mrs.
Wigglesworth earnestly. "Its way over
by the window
81 know betterr yelled her husband
at got right out of bed, and the very first
thing it up and kicked mel Oh, my foot,
my foot'' And he rocked to and fro
moaning.
Cant you put something on it," sug-
gested Mrs. WigglesWorth in a voice of
sympathy.
Put something on itl'' snapped Mr..
Wig2lesworth angrily. "Ain't that what
I've Eten trying to do? Think I'm going
out barefootedP Where ye hid my stock
ings?''
They're on the bureau" said Mrs.
Wigglesworth.
What We put 'em there for?'' growled
Mr.. Wiggleswortn, and he crawled across
the floor. Bringing his head in contact
with the WashstRnd, he broke forth afresh.
Cant ye get out of bed and light that
lamp?' he cried. ''Think want to go
proving round here till sunrise, knock
ing off things with my heads''
Mrs. Wigglesworth, thus adjured, tot
tered with woman's unorring instinct to
the bureau and broke lamp chimney.
That's the way!" said her husband
hasaely. Put the pieces over here where
I Gen step on 'em!"
"There's another one in the bathroom, -
Mrs. Wigglesworth replied.
When she got back with it and cast its
rays about the room, a scene CT desolation
was made manifest. Mr.. Wigglesworth
had thrust himself into a pair of bicycle
traesers belonging to Willie, one arm was
issS asted in his wife's spring cloak, and he
sas IN the center of a great array of debris,
which, by the centripetal force of his hasty
journeying, had been gathered in the mid
die of the apartment.
ooh, Ellery," walled Mrs. Wiggles-
worth, appalled, by the sight presented to
her view, "what have you been doing?''
"What have I been doing?" repeated her
husband, looking himself over with strong
disgust. I'D like to have the answers to
correspondents man find out! Whose
trousers are these?" he yelled, noting the
garments extreme brevity. ''What kind
of things th1sf' he added, plucking off
the spring cloak and stamping on it.
''Why," said Mrs. Wigglesworth, 'tthat
is my cloak, you know, and those are Will
lies bicycle trousers.
"Wen,' exclaimed Mr.. Wigglesworth,
savagely, what ye got me dressed up in
'em for? What ye think it is, q masquer
ade ball?''
II was taking them up attic, meek
ly replied Mrs. Wigglesworth, "to put
away for winter, you know. I only laid
them on the bureau overnight. 1 don't
SEQ how you got them way on the other
side of the room So"
II tell ye they was right here on my
chair" bullied Mr.. Wigglesworth, ''just
where I left my other things when blew
out the light. Ye changed 'em, that's
what ye did"
.How could II" protested his wife.
"You came to bed last
That's it-that's the way to arguel"
snarled Mr.. Wigglesworth. Mean to say
1 did it pro bly,. Got up in my sleep like
ly, and went round changing 'em. Wig
ellsworth, the great sleep walker. Re
markable instance of hypnotism. Substi-
tutes pair of bicycle pants and appears
in public. Going to write it up for the
papers, amt ye?"
Meantime he was shutting out of the
offending regalia and gradually accumu-
lating, with the assistance of his wife, his
accustomed wardrobe The vest was in
the bathroom, the stockings on the bureau,
rNE ~
comb, and his other shoe was produced
after much thoughtful cogitation by Mrs.
Wigglesworth, from the library, where her
husband had slipped it off early in the
evening for the ease of a familiar corn.
The slow movement of the types is not
adequate to express the hurried action
which characterized this vaudeville per-