The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1895-06-12
PAT MURPHEY's BILL OF FARE+A
PARODY ON PARTY PLATFORMS.
Told hv an Trishman,

Pat Murphey kept wayside inn down
at the Lakes Of Killarny, and as his inn
was pleasantly situated. and everything
neat and clean, it was a favorite stop
ping place for tourists visiting the lakes.
Pat had married his wife, who was an
intelligent girl, who had travelled a good
deal with her mistress, one of the ladies
OF the castle, but she had imbibed some
very high notions, and one Of her hob
bies was to take a list of all the fine
dishes she saw named in the various bills
Of fare at the hotels where her mistress
stopped. Now Priddy insisted that the
old sign of Entertainment for man and
beast" should be taken down and a new
sign Of "Murphey's Hotel" be substi-
tuted in Its place-as she very shrewdly,
remarked that people were attracted by
fine name. But there was one thing
that. she made Pat promise before she
married him, was that when any of the
gentry stopped at the hotel he should
present this bill of fare, which she had
collected. Pat tried ito explain to her
that all the accommodation he could fur
nish was rusher of bacon and potatoes,
but his wife insisted on his presenting
the bill Of fare, and when any of the fine
dishes were called for, he must be ready
with some excuse (even as the leaders of
our political parties have to honey fugle
the people with excuses for not fulfilling
their promises.) 1t happened that a
1fenchman, in making the tour of the
lakes, stopped all night with Pat; and as
he was much pleased with everything
being clean and neat, he made up his
mind to stop with Pat whilst tarrying at
the lakes. Before starting put in the
morning he called the landlord and
asked him what he could let him have
for his dinner. This was the first chance
Pat had to parade his bill of fare; and to
the Frenchman's surprise he handed him
a bill as long as his arm, with all the
fine dishes ever furnished by first class
hotel $50 like our party platforms.) The
first article on the list was roast beef.
"In troth, then, your honor" says Pat,
Il would not advise you to try it, as it
Is too tough piece of an old cow you
could not get tooth in it--(The TARIFF
The next on the list was breast Of veal
and that, said Pat, was worse still, it was
too young; nothing but stink, your
honor; never was calved. Civil service
reform. The Frenchman read the next
dish on the list, leg of mutton with caper
sauce. That's the worst in the lot, your
honor; it is the leg of an old ram; it
smells so strong you could not stay in
the house while it was cooked" (This
is our national banking system.) The
Frenchman began to suspect that Pat
was playing with him (even as the people
are waking up to the receptions and
frauds that are practiced on them by the
political popes. The Frenchman read on
down the list till he came to stewed
pigeon-now this was a favorite dish
with the Frenchman, but unfortunately
for him he gave the French twang to the
Me want stewed pushong for my din
ner." This completely stumped Pat
"Tare au agers," he exclaimed; "sure she
did not put that in it; what was it your
honor called for?" The Frenchman got
little excited and said he wanted pu-
shong, stewed pushong, for his dinner.
Pat was non-plussed till he observed that
the Frenchman, whilst sitting by the
fire, was good deal amused with seeing
the old family cat, with fine brood Of
half grown kittens amusing themselves
by the fire. Now in the Irish language
such kittens ARE called pusheens, and
Pat jumped at the conclusion that the
Frenchman wanted a pusheen, but did
not know how to pronounce the word
right. So out he goes to Biddy and tells
her "the Frenchman wants a pusheen
for his dinner" "Arrah you don't mean
to say they eat cats?" says Biddy But
don't they eat frogs?" says Pat This
was conclusive. The pusheen was duly
brought to the block, nicely dressed, and
we'll cooked and seasoned, and the
Frenchman ate it with relish, and next
day ordered another dish of same, and
kept on repeating, till the supply gave
out, and when new order was given for
more stewed pushong, Pat had to inform
him the supply had given out (even as
they state the national treasury is dry)
and unless the Frenchman would take
the old cat herself (more bonds)-"Catr
exclaimed the Frenchman with disgust
And what have you been feasting on
but cats?" said Pat.
The Frenchman left in disgust, even
as the people are leaving the old parties
that have robbed and swindled them
themselves incompetent to govern a free
people. We want no more carrion in
ours. From an old greenbacker.
SAMUEL SINNETT.
pApER AND SIT vEp AMI COIN