Birmingham age-herald., 1895-06-16
HE CYCLONE

out to be a big vacant spot full of all sorts of misery for us We were out on Polecat creek manufacturing fish lies and occasionally catching a minnow and tick. We went out to the creek to avoid any unpleasantness= that might arise from the women's edition, and at the same time to enjoy a little sport. Well, we had good time, and when we got back to toWi- we were as full of good will and best regards as any man ever was. We were even hilarious in our demon strations of entire good feeling. The mar shal tried to lock us up, but we kicked his left eye off, threw his inanimate form into an ash barrel and went right on with our fun as if nothing had happened We met Mayor Lushton on the street, and notwithstanding our political diff ferences, we shook hands and ordered up the indispensable. It is unnecessary to state here that the mayor was very full.
 But when we reached the Cyclone of- flee we were confronted with a saries of surprises and misfortunes that came very near making us mad. The office cat was perched upon one of the rafters with his back and tail up plainly showing his utter disgust at the way things ha been going lately. The devil was sitting on the floor with his Lack up against the wall and his legs stretched out There was an air of dejecti0n about him that smeled very bad. His pale young face wore the marks of a recent sorrow and his spirit seemed utterly cast down. We took look around the office. Three or four fonts of long primer were dis tributed about over tho floor The he'll box had got into the sink and was en- tirely empty. The hand press was turned over and the lever broke off. The mallet was tangled up with bottle or mucilage and red ink, with a strange dead dog on top of them. Our large, handsome family Bibles were scattered promiscuously around in various stages of decomposure, and all the disp ay let ter we had on hand was dumped into an old washtub left us by our wash woman, who committed suicide some time ago. We looked at the devil, and he eyed us suspicously. Then we yanlSed him to his feet and demanded the cause of all this idleness and prof ligacy We said it was disgusting. It was. too. The devil seemed to be in stupefied condition, but he at last man. aged to tell the following story
 Boss quitcher pinehin me so hard. Wisht you'd trow dat dead dog outn here. He stinks. Boss, de wimmen dun it. Dey gotter fitin' about one thing and another, mainly about an editorial dat Misses Lushton wrote about Miss Schrill and one dat Misses Bray wrote infecting on Misses Chasem. Boss, think dat dog dat's dead over dere on de flo would feel better outside in de fresh air. He don't smell good in here. They Jest natCnerlY tore up ue cdIln WHeH dey pitched inter one another De frst thing I knowed didn't know nothin par ticular. l was completely disguised, and hurt awfully for awhile. When l come to again I was conscious of terrible uncertainty pervadfn' de office. Dere seemed to be a great deal of fuss goin' on, and yet dere didn't seem to be no particular row in sight. It was sorter like cyclone was playin' round de place one mint, an before I could collect my aoty 1vnc I couldn't hear thing- De dead calm had company, though, fos dat durn dog has stayed right wid us all de time. l couldn't trow him out. He was stuck to de flo account of havn' mucilage under him. Anyhow. when I did financially get to seein' things as they should be seed, found de office just as you see 1t. I ain't to blame. boss. I dun what could to get the women's edition out in good shape but one small devil aint suckumstance to a passle of wimmen.
 It took us all of .ast week to get things in shape again, and now we are on our feet, we want it distinctly understood that there never will be another women's edition We read in the papers from the iron districts of the south and east that fur naces are being blown in. If we owned a furnace we don't think we would blow it in. The profligacy of some people is astounding.
 Some one inquires if it is healthy to take drink before breakfast. We never tried that; but we find that four or hVe help out considerably.
 Because a dog takes after a tramp it does not necessarily follow that the dog is lazy.
 This thing of writing poetry is. not as difficult as some people think. Simple o1t. aA1f NAf fa1r they are the only ones who can make two lines rhyme. The following will show that if I cared to follow the business could do as well as any of them:
 A farmer was working in the field,
 Twas in the month of May;
 He threw his hoe down on the ground,
 And there he let it lay.
 He then stretched out upon the grass,
 As though he were in bed
 And it was not long before he snored,
 THE DEVIL.
 There are a lot of vilainous cut throats incendiaries, horse thieves, stage robbers and Jack-the-huggerS in this town who are preparing for trouble They probably do not realize that cyclone is imminent, and yet (paradoxicaf as it may appear) they have infthe past few nights made three separate and pitiful attempts to blow the Cyclone plant into the sweet bye-and-bye. Nothing came of such at tempts. Neither did anything go, except the proving hyenas themselves. who fled into the darkness in wild disorder as soon as we came upon them We ex- tinguished the fuse that was tied to the tail of q keg of powder, threw out a few sticks of dynamite and a copy of ''The Anarchist; or How to Make Gould Give You 30 Cents stored away half a dozen shotguns and three Colts revolvers in our private armory, lit the lamp and wrote a touching poem, the first lines of which are as follows:
 Sweet visions of the night time,
 You come just at the right time"
 Sometimes we feel real sad and lonely, and want to go off Somewhere-to some far, Elysian clime-where there is some excitement going on. Subscribe for the Cyclone.
 subscriber wishes to know what we think of a man who reaches for his hip pocket when he does not intend to shoot. i've think he Is dead