Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1895-12-31
NOT HIGHLY REGARDED IN HADES
A Great Army That Will Swear OF
at Midnight.
HOW DIARIES ARE KEEP I

The others Were thee, but it is enough
To speak of that jolly three
my loyal boys right hot stuff
The devil cried heartily,
As he scattered around some bright warm looks
On the host assembled there.
Their equals couldn't he found, -adzOOks!
In KINGDOM anywhere.
And tonight We will have some glorious cheer
Deciding the fate of the world for the year,
Bring the reports!" Then imp
Heres the swear-off list" said he.
1T contains every that each of us knows;
All sinners of high degree.
They have lied. forsooth and have cursed and swore
Both early, Old Boy, snd late
BY swearing they'll not do any more
They hope to escape their fate
They do!' cried the devil. ''Theyll find," quoth
THAT swear-ofrs don't cut any ice with me-"
Then he laid him back with loud gufraw
At his mastery royal joke
And each imp wrisglel his lower jaw
TIL you'd thought 1t was really broke,
And the souls that squirmed in the lake OF tar,
Or sizled On grid rons red.
Or drank boiled oil ut red hot ba~
In resounding chorus said:
''Swear-offs may go where there's rain SNOW,
But they cIt ice down here, oh, no!''
There is no doubt that his satanic ma
jesty reached his decision on the subject
of "swear-offs" after many centuries OF
experier ce with the question, and knew
that the custom, while widespread in OBJ
servance, was equally universal in the
breach Il at followed. great many of
our fellow citizens, and the gentle sex dis
we'll, however, have made up their minds
within the past few days to eschew some
material fault either ven.al or otherwise, or
to give up me habit that does aot pass
muster in the category of good form, and
TO begin the reform for keeps with the
New Year.
It is Interesting. therefore. and especially
to ore who las had a vast experience in
the r.atter of swearing eff, to look over
the field Of human aspirations at this time
and see how many of them are pointed to-
ward better and purer goal of personal
Improvement.
The Drinkers Lead the Army.
First and foremost may be grouped The
vast aggregation of convivial individuals
who have m ade up heir minds, irrevocably
to the intention of taking their very last
drink just before the clock strikes twelve
tonight. They have been screwing their
courage to the sticking point necessary to
make the resolve-and keep it-fcr days
past. Every time they nave walked up IN
the morning recently with Il deep, brown
fur trimming hanging in fringes from The
roofs of their mouths, and made glad
grab for the little black bottle the
manteip:ece they have looked forward to
1896, when they would arise each morning
with clear heads and smooth tongues and
need nothing more satisfying Than the
water in their tooth mugs. So, with these
glad anticipation doubly emphasized. they
will approach the Ia tonight and take one
lCr &, lingering, last swallow of the gay
juice of the juniper or the festive icnor
of the corn. With glad feelings, superin-
dUced by the drinks that preceded the last
ore they VIII &c home and sink to slumber
and in the morning they will awaken, and
the fur and the fringe will be there as
n Ia wiz ia ia a tpl NSI
their teeth with every breath they eXhale
ard the chances are that $50 out of every
1000 of them will take a surreptitous
swig out of the little black bottle, while
the only reason the other fifty don't is be-
cause there is no black bottle in the apart
mcnt.
None of them will take drink in public
he viewer, for some time. They have all
al nounoed their intention to swear off TO
their friends, and 1t would not do to show
such weakness of character, at least SO
soon. so they VII continue a course of
touching the ardent on the sly, until some
fine evening they will get loaded up to
the guards at some out-of-the-way place
and Their will come sailing down to their
old, snug harEors, with all sails set and
the wind abcs m, with grog for all hands
coming up.
Swearers, Smokers and Cheyvers.
The next sort of swear-off in point of
numbers are the fellows who determine not
to swear any more. They have been prac-
ticing fer two weeks the use of such harm
less eXpletives IS dad rot it," "ging whiz-
zer' with which to let off an over-pressure
of excitement when the occasion demands.
and take the place of former profanity.
Along about January some peculiarly
DC werful incentive to cuss will suddenly
ohtrude itself upon them, and the atmoS-
phere in their vicinity will renew the warm
azure streaks that it knew in 1895.
1t is useless to describe the way the to-
lie nj a hal IN a n 81
around in back streets or taking walks
nto the suburbs to chew or smoke to their
hearts content and coming back among
their friends, who are lost in admiration
at their nerve and stability of character
with loudly cologned handkerchief and
a big wad Of snakeroot in their jaws to
ward off suspicion which keen olfactories
might inspire.
There are hundreds of other varieties of
swear-offs. Tonight there will be hun
dreds of decks of cards thrown out into
the cold world by men who will determine
never to touch a card again and who viii
he asking how much it costs to draw be-
fore the 2gd of February; there will be
scores of new savings banks taken home.
into which their proud owners have made
up their minds to put every cent not alb
solutely necessary to devote for actual ex-
penses. and who will break those banks
open as soon as the contents rise above
the dollar mark sure geese Rave
feathers; there will be dozens of people
who have the reprehensble habit of biting
ninedly take a vow never to do so any
more who will be making their meals he
tween meals from their fingers ends and
forgetting all about such a thing as New
Year resolve before they begin to write
Feb" in the date line of their letters.
And there will be thousand and one other
kind of swear-offs and about one in thou
sand will ever amount to anything when
it comes to living up to it.
Diaries, of Course.
1t is probable that II some philosopher,
with a turn of mind for investiga lion,
should look into the matter of the age
reached by the average swear-off before it
dies of hamilton he would find that its
| existence would be about coequal with
| that of the new diary which so many
people-and every young girl-begins on the
| first of January. The diary is another
| form of holiday madness that is epidemic
| during early January, but disappears to-
| ward the middle of the month. The writer
| has one before him, surreptitiously obtain
| ed, which was religously commenced Jan
! uary l. 1895. Down to the 18th day of
| that month there is faithful chronicle
| of the events in the life Of the dainty girl
who began it. Then there Is a collapse,
| so to speak, in its continuity. Turning its
pages finds no further recitals of sue ceed-
| ing dlurnal events, but there are direc.
| tons for making tatting like Mrs. Butler
| roakes.' ShOpujnP list including every