The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1895-07-31
Food for Digestion,

LADY" Didn't you hear me ring.
Mary ?" Mary-"Not till the third
time, nm"
1T is better to lock the stable after
the horse is stolen than not to lock it at
all. 1t may save the cow.-Truth.
FATHER" My son, no man ever &C.
complished much who talked at his
work" How about lawyer, dad ?"
els your son improving in his violin
playing, Mr.. Jones ?" Well, either
he's improving, or we're getting used
to itl"-Punch
TEACHER" If you had told me the
truth, shouldn't have whipped you."
Johnny (whimpering)-" Why didn't
Syracuse Post.
FOREIGN NoBLEMAN-"I wish to
see some of your public men, Ameri-
can Boy" You couldn't find 'em to-
day. It's Sunday, and all the saloons is
closed "-Exchange.
WIGGLEs-"If anybody inquiries for
me within ten minutes, will you tell
them that I'll be right backp" Waggles
-" No; I'll tell 'em you said you
would. "-Somerville Journal.
OUTSIDER" Mr.. Surplice, why is it
that you have service before daylight"
Mr.. Surplice-" Oh, we have to do that,
not to interfere with the bicyclers."-
Louisville Courier-J ournal.
LITTLE BoY-"Papa, what is an in
ventor?" Papa-"He is man who
invents something that everybody else
manufactures, and then spends all his
money trying to stop them" Good
News.
LoNDoNER has asked Scottish Wis
itor to have parting glass, and is about
to pay. Sandy-"Na, ma, ye've been
payin' for a. thing a. the FORTNIGHT.
Well toss up for this drink. House
hold Words.
GUEST (angrily)-"What has become
of that waiter gave my order to most
an hour ago?" Head Waiter--"I don't
know, sab, but most likely he's waitin'
on some gent wot tipped him, sah."-
New York Weekly.
"I THINK, madam" said the physi-
clan after careful investigation of the
patients case-''I think, madam, the
trouble must be with the liver" II don't
see how that can be, doctor; l never
eat it myself, and the boarders haven't
complained" -Philadelphia Times.
YOUNG LADY (out yachting)-:.What
is the matter, Captain Quarterdeck?"
Crptan-The fact is, my dear young
lady, we've broken our rudder." Young
Lady-"I wouldn't worry about that.
The rudder is mostly under water, you
know, and it isn't likely people will
notice it."-Tit- Bits.
VIsIToR-" How long has this feud
continued ?" Mountaineer -" Bout
thurty yeahs, sah." Visitor" Why
doesn't the law step in and settle it?"
Mountaineer-" Well, sab, it's bettah
to let it run on, sab, till only one gen.
tleman is left, sab, and then we'll hang
."-Chicago Record.
LITTLE GIRL" Did the newspaper
reporters notice your papa was at the
great banquet last night?" Little Boy
Eyes" '' Mamma said she couldn't
find your papa's name on the list"
"No, but the list ends up with 'and
Others That means papa. They al
WAYS mention him that way."-New
York Weekly.
MRS. NEwED.-" How are the bis
cults, George?" Newed-" A trihe
heavy, dearest" Mrs. NJ" And the
the soup?" en-" Too much season
ing in it." Mrs. NJ" And the duck?n
NJ" Done a little too much" Mrs.
M am so sorry, dear, that your
dinner does not suit you. Your
mother prepared it."-Lady's Every
Saturday.
THIS is what young lady is reported
recently to have said, apropos of mar
riage: Well, no, l don't know if l
would marry for money alone; but if a
man had plenty of money, allied to a
sweet deposition, and moustache that
curled at both ends, and nice blue eyes,
and a social position; if he had dis
tinguished status in a profession, or
even as a merchant, and his father was
rich and his mother and sisters aristo,
cratic, and he wanted to marry me, and
he would promise to let me have my
own way in everything, and keep me
literally supplied with money, and
have splendidly furnished town
house and handsome country resi-
dence, was liberal about diamonds and
other gems, also about the milliner,
never grumbling, and really and truly
loved him, shouldn't consider mar
riage drawback. Frank Harrison's
Mapazina