Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-07-24

Sireiuia free gress.
Humorous.


editors can see through them, suppose.
Cholly-Wby do SO many of the girls get
married in June? June brides" You know.
Polly-That's easy. It's because they are
asked.
Montrose-I have an invitation to Van
Millions great dinner. OsbOrne-GOing to
take it in? Montrose-Yes, as much as |
can oft.
papa" asked little Willie, isn't a cynic
a man who is tired of the world?" mo
my dear; a cynic is man of whom the
world is tired.
Why is it dangerous to walk outin spring
time? Because the bulrushes out, the cow
slips about, the flowers all have pistils and
everything shoots.
Lawyer-You will get your third out OF
the estate, madam. Widow oh! Mr.. Blue
bags, how can you say that, with my second
hardly cold in his grave.
Mistress-Do you believe in ghosts?
Nurse.maid-I do, indeed. mann; there's
nothing like 'em for keeping little Roy
quiet when you are away.
He with superiority i wouldn't marry
the best woman living. She with corti-
dence)-If you did, 1 know it would be a
very ill-assorted match.
De Auber (the artist)-What objection
have you to becoming an artists bride?
Miss De Rurale-Oh, everybody would al
ways be pointing me out as a model WIFE,
Anarchist-Our motto is "Down with all
titles and decorations I" Reformer-What
decorations do you allude to? Anarchist
All of'em. The Order of the Bath in par:
ticular.
Scene, Bishops breakfast table Bishop
Ito timid curate on a visit)-Dear me, I'm
afraid your egg is not good. Timid curate
oh, yes, my lord really-er-some parts
are very good.
Barker got into a rumpus with Il police
man the other night" said Pinkey she of
fered 10 be. the policeman he didn't dare
arrest him" What did the copper dog
"Took him up"
He-What you'd you say, darling if
should tell you that you can never be miue'
She-I should say, pet, that I've got a nice
bundle of your letters that would help TO
make it expensive to you.
Friday Luck-"Here comes the carriage,
Maud Fancy having to go and pay calls
in such weather! It's enough to give one
ones death of cold - "Worse than that,
mother Everybody is sure to be in"
EtheJ-So Arthur proposed last night?
Mapds-Yes. Ethel-And did you accept
him Maude-I yaa So %awfully excited
l don't know whether / did ca MOI. Il he
comes tonight | did, and if be doesn't |
didn't.
The Parson who wishes to do 4 little
missionary work while on his trip abroad
My dear young lady, do you love the Lord?
Young Lady lindignaptlyi-How imperti'
nent of you to ask, sir I've only known
him two days.
"Do you really think that a bicycle Ia
worth the money ?' "Worth the money ~
said the quick-tempered man. "Why mine
has paid for itself in less than three months
in toe beautiful explanations it furnishes
for black eye"
doctor, | have an important physiolog-
ical question to ask you. When | stand on
my bead the blood rushes into my head
Now, when l stand on my feet, why does it
not rush into my feel?" Because. your
feet are not hollow"
Eyes" sighed the Hammock, regretfulIy,
at was my fault that those sweet young peo-
pie fell out" Never mind" rejoined the
Bicycle Built for Two, with a merry twinkle
in its nickle-plated spokes, 81 shall see to it
that they are much thrown together"
Parke-Saw a remarkable thing at a seance
recently. vas on the committee, and we
fastened the medium %secareiy in the cabinet
bound him hand and foot-there vas no
collision of any kiud-Clarke-How can
you tell there wasn't. Parke-Because he
get out.
Clara-What's the matter, dear? Dora
lis tee much to bear. Mr.. Faintheart has
not proposed yef Clara-Bnt you told me
you wouldn't marry bim. pora-0f course
| wouldn't. But, after all the time I've
wasted on him, | think he might at least
give me a chance to refuse him.
Skillful as Ever -Edward-lsn't Dick
going off in his writings? Forrest-I have
noticed it.. f iward-lt seems to me
that he has lost that exquisite touch Of deli
cacy he used to have. Forrest (ruefully)-
Jove, You wouldn't think 50 if you
had seen him work me for 10 this morning.