The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1895-04-24
tured mineral water, spiked with sulphuric

head, where science couldn't get hold Of
1t first; so I went to Saratoga. 1 went to
drinking all sorts of water there. until
man told I'd kill myself in a month if I
Kept on He said 1 must drink it scientifi-
cally, under the direction of doctor. He
told me lots of people were being killed
there every year by drinking the wrong
waters. When l informed him that l
wasn't SICK he said I'd be sick, and had
better consult doctor anyhow. That was
what scared me away from mineral water.
IL was fated to die of drink, 1t should at
least to be some beverage more agreeable to
the palate and bowels than mineral water.
Now just blunder along in the most un-
scientific manner, drinking anything else
that comes my way, reckless of the conse-
quences as anybody may easily demon
strate.
EVEN BREAD IS HARMFUL.
some scientist startled the world almost
out or its boots lately by asserting that we
were actually killing ourselves off and
shortening the lives of our children for
generations to come by eating white bread
from finely bolted flour. That isn't the
worst of 1.-THE proved it. The constituent
parts or the system require certain phos-
pilates and other things contained only in
tnat portion of grain that is eliminated by
the milling process. The most nutritious
portion or the grain is the outer edge of
the kernel, and we usually feed that to
the hogs and cattle. The most indigestible
and worthless portion we eat in bread And
all this bread and all forms of food we eat
are prepared In a soft style that requires
little or no mastication. 1t can be mas
tered without teeth about as we'll as with
teeth. The result is that the human race
al least as far as the more civilized part
CT the world is concerned, loses teeth early
Iood teeth are great raity, we all know;
while people with nc teeth to speak of
mark the progress of science.
Nature, in other words never continues
Ia hioh &c Ia,
There being no longer any material use for
teeth except to look at, nature is discontin-
Jung them. They grow soft and are soon
worn down or broken off, and they grow
poorer and poorer with each succeeding
generation Pretty soon-a hundred years or
SO hence-people will not only be born with
out teeth, but they will never have any at
any time. But will gum it straight through
life. The only way this can be avoided
is to go to eating grain in it's natural state.
Should any grinding process be used in
preparation for the table that used by the
ancients, the mortar and pestle would be
the best as not tending to break the grain
too fine CT to separate the nutritious quail
ties. For the same reason the toughest parts
of the beef and other meat should be Sc
lected upon which to cultivate and
strengthen the teeth. Everybody has noticed
the superior teeth of people who have lived
all their lives in boarding houses.
HAIR GROWING SCARE
In the course of time according to we'll
posted scientific authority, the civilized por-
ton of the human race will have become
wholly bald headed. We have seen this slick
pated sceptre creeping upon us for centur-
les. Anybody knows who is at all observant
that there are a great many more bald
headed men now than there were when he
was a boy, it, indeed, he is not more bald
himself. Hair is growing scarcer--going out
with teeth, and perhaps for the same rea-
son, because there is now little practical
use for it. Since the Indian races have dis
appeared have given up the habit of
scalping white men, hair has gone into a
steady decline If you will notice the old
pictures of the Huguenots and Pilgrim
Fathers and any of the old timers who
kicked against the Georges you'll observe
that they were blessed with abundance
of hair in those days You'll never see any
bald-headed men chooping wood before a
lonely cabin, with a rifle handy, while his
wife, with four children and one at the
breast, is sitting on the front stoop, and
swarms of red devils with tomahawks are
creeping up through the underbrush in plain
sight. The early settler invariably has hair
a foot long, while his wife and children are
especially provided with flowing locks-so
conspicuous, indeed, that one must almost
SympathiZe with the Indians thus Sorely
tempted
If science is solid on her fcts, and there
is no reason to doubt that she is our in
ternal arrangements are gradually under
going important changes also. The medical
scientists have discovered that apparently
useless but dangerous contraption which
they have called the vermiform appendix
AS we have the best authority for the be-
lief that nothing was originally created in
vain, it must be presumed that this thing
was once more useful than a mere sac in
which to catch grape seeds and scare peo-
pie nearly to death, until they are cut out
Some scientists aver that the vermiform
appendix was once part of the necessary
machinery of the lower bowels, but owing
to our long changed habits of life and the
character of food we ate it became unnec-
essary, something like the tail on the polly
wog that has set up in business as a frog,
only have been unable thus far to shed
1t with equal facility.
EARS AND EYES ARE FALLING.
We are all getting more or less deaf from
artificial noises of great cities, and those
who are not growing deaf are gradually
sacrificing their nervous systems. Elevated
railroads, street cars, the whistles of steam
boats and rattle of milk wagons and car
riages are producing general paralysis of
the inner ear. Every third man you meet
is partially deaf while every fifth man is
wholly deaf in one ear and can't hear out
of the other unless he is directly under a
passing train or at work in boiler factory.
Eyesight is being ruined by print, and
half the men and women you meet can't
see anything near them without glasses.
and the other half can't see anything
across the street without them. Only men
and women who can't read have sound
eyes. The rest will soon all wear specta-
cles.
But these things don't annoy me, for 1
know the sharps have their little way.
The end will not be in my day, and it can
take care of itself. What I do feel in nv
bones is these insidious microbes that are
in the bannisters, eating up the car straps,
holding communion under the finger nails,
crawling around on your dinner plate, play
ing the diaphragm of your telephone,
flying around in the air you breathe and
lying for chance to get to work on some
weak spot in your system to down you.
l am wholly reasonable, and am perfectly
willing that science should have it's way
concerning the selection of the goal to
which the race is tending, but 1 want it to
leave me to wander on in my own
sweet, ignorant way, living as my grand
father and great-great grandfather lived,
eating what they ate and drinking what
they drank, and let the future take of
itself. l feel that must either do this or
take to the woods, strip of civilization and
go back to the state of the primal man, or
as near as l can get to it, as a state prom
Using more happiness to the human race
than is accorded us by modern scientific
| thought and theory.
COULDN'T BUNKO HIM.
He Was From the Country, But Was
Up to City Tricks.
| farmer stood in the doorway of Clark
| business hOnSp holding