The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1895-08-28


in the pharmacopoeia, comes gaily for
ward and offers 1t as a cure for catarrh
and incipient consumption, and which
might have given to the hecate of Macbeth
the beauty and bloom of the. maiden Of
sweet sixteen, and supplements the wonder
with voltaic electric plaster, which will
stick and cure where the stew happens to
miss; Baxter,( not the author of Saints
Rest, comes forth with 25-cent bottle
of purifying bitters which will sweeten
and purify the vinegar drink of life and
add longevity to the patriarch who has
already crossed the line Of three score
years and ten; then the Benton Hair
Grower company, QimitedO troops along
with liquid contained in glass bottle
which will start in few days after appli-
cation a beautiful head of hair on the
baldest pate, irrespective of brains under
meath; we have also before taking" and
latter taking" two artistic pictures, one
representing the extreme of human dis
tresS, the other the acme of human felic-
ity; Lydia Pinkham, spinster or matron
no matter which, if either, exhibits her
wares for the femininely afflicted, and in
every other newspaper looks out upon you
with the benignity of age and preserved
bodily vigor; Brandreth and Herrick,
Aver and Scheneck, are but other names
for purgative pills, and finally DR.. War
ner, whose name denotes his mission,
comes smiling to the front with timely
remedy, which if taken Immediately by
the we'll and sick alike, will SO fortify
the constitution as to save the race from
utter extinction when the metoric dust
which now envelopes the earth shall have
been chemically resolved through the
~ hon ~ md
tomatoes, cyclones and earthquakes, into
solution which breeds and feeds by gen.
eral excrement, and carries disease and
certain death to all who are not fortified
with his kidney cure. But heaven fore
fend! shall we forget Holloway with his
twin remedies, which clean the furred
tongue and wholesomely stimulate the
liver? this empiracal Napoleon, this mod
ern Alexander of the vast army of
"cranks," who, during the last half cen
fury has made greater number of pre-
scriptions to patients than all others COM
bined? Holloway, who, has paid more
money for advertising alone than was re-
quired to build the mills in Minneapolis
which eat up the wheat crop of the vast
northwest, and are still hungry; and of
those too, which, before your very eyes,
swallow pine forests, and then spit them
out, resolved into portable lumber aye,
hard money enough to do all this, and
then duplicate West Hotel in every city
of one hundred thousand inhabitants in
the United States? His field was two
hemispheres-the press, speaking the Ian
guage of each, heralding his unfailing
talismans which penetrated the Flowery
Kingdom spread over Japan, entered In
dia, flooded the empires of Continental
Europe, walked like thing of life in the
British Isles, grappled with death in the
Dominion Of Canada, and crossed the
threshold of every one of the free and
enlightened who dwells beneath the
starry ensign of the Great Republic.
In the waning month of the dead year,
and after harvest home" had been Gel
ebrated upon the green hillsides of his
loved England, this wizard alchemist
and octogenarian of Oxford street, for
getting, probably, to take his own pre-
scription which restores the appetite,
banishes languor and depression, and
the admOnitions characteristic of chrOn-
ic arrangement of the Digestion crossed
the melancholy food with that grim
ferryman which poets write of, Unto the
kingdom Of perpetual night passing,
doubtless to the son of Typhon and
Echidna as he passed the portals which
be guards, the secret of his compound
which will prolong his immortality but
leaving behind a greater legacy in the
n,lnificent sum of two millions of sover-
eigns, worth each in our equation $4S4.
Descending to this dross, like Anteus
wrestling with the Hercules of grounded
prejudice, we touch the earth to renew
our strength, and ask why it is, that in
all these specifics for congenital, chronic
and body the malady Of "crankism" has
not been promulgated. Tell us them O!
sage and wise instructor, what drugs
what charms,-what conjuration and