Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-05-27
JUST FOR FUN.


boys, too.
"Can you swim, little boy?" Eyes,
SIR" Where did you learn? " . In
the water, sir"
4" Aw-why do you make your own
cigarettes ?'' &c My-aw- doctor
ordered me some light exercise.
" Yes, =" said the tree, 81 suppose
Pm ready, as far as my trunk goes;
but I've decided not to leave until
spring."
Mrs. Brown-"Have you an indulg-
ent husband?' Mrs. Green-"Oh, yes
indeed. He comes home intoxicated
nearly every night"
Life-Insurance Agent" What did
your father and mother die OFF" Uncle
Humsted- '' don't rightly know; but
'twarnt nothin' serious"
"Who took the rubbers at the whist
party?" "Don't know. Wasn't in
terested. What l want to know is
who took the umbrellas"
'What makes you think she has
such good taste in artistic matters?"
said one girl "She has given up try
ing to draw said the other.
First Boy-s'How do you like your
new teacher? Second Boy-"He is
not lightning teacher. He strikes
several times in the same place."
Heeler-"Is it because you're out
of work that you're looking so blue?"
The ex-Inspector just dismissed y
&C No; it's because Pm out of job.
Visitor-'' Your dolly seems to Hbe
very happy" A Girl of To-day
" Well, auntie Pm sure she isn't, be-
cause she has only one dress, and that
isn't stylish"
The Tourist ''You seem to be proud
of your family title" The New York
Millionaire Abroad { proudly )-"Of
hard dollars"
" Waiter" said the guest, II wish
you'd ask the proprieters to turn on
little more light. It's so dark in here
l.
ed shad, or paper of pins"
Gussie-" Why do you SO persist
entity wear the hair of another woman
on your head?' ''Beatrice -"For the
same reason that you wear the skin
of another calf on your feet"
She" Don't you think that salt
water is beneficial to the health?"
He Not always. A man whom I
once knew was seriously injured by
it," She-''How so?'' He-"He was
drowned"
Maude-" Willie, I wish yon hadn't
proposed to me to night" Willie
4" Why, pray ?" Maude-" Because
you made the thirteenth, and now I
am actually compelled to encourage
old Won Gotrocks to propose, SO as to
break the spell of bad luck.''
''If, az you say, the defendant is so
conscientious man." said the lawyer,
you ought to be able to give some ex-
ample of it," "Well, 2" said the wit
ness, 81 have known him for twenty
years, anu III all UndU UlInS L nave
never known him to take whiskey for
a cold, except when he really had
cold"
Fortune teller-"You may in time
make a good income, but you will
never be rich" Young man-"Eh !
Why not?" Fortune teller-"You are
not saving. You are wasteful. -
Young man. My! my! am afraid
that is true. You have wonderful
gift. How did yon know [ was waste
ful!'' Fortune teller-"You have just
wasted 81 getting your fortune told"
Shiloh's Cure, the great Cough and Group
Cure is in great demand. Pocket size con-
tains twenty-five doses only 25cts. Children
love it. Sold by Druggists.
A person with broad nails is of gen
tie nature, timid and bashful. Those
whose nails grow into the flesh at the
points or sides are given to luxury A
white mark on the nail bespeaks mis-
fortune. Persons with very pale nails
are subject to much infrmity Of the
flesh, and persecution by neighbors
and friends. People with narrow
nails are ambitious and quarrelsome.