Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1895-10-07
FACTS AND FANCIES.

| cares, nSJ0uluS W Tic UdHO. CCC ChCAS
there is a woman playing in that or.
chestra. She is gradually getting hel
rights here in France anyhow think
soy' laughed Mr.. Strongmind. II don't.
That woman is playing the second fiddle
-Harper's Bazaar.
| mamma, are matches made in heay-
en?" inquired the small boy, who had
e ere most of them II think some
of them must be made in the other
Mace" "Yes-s; think they are" 4
| thought so. Some of EN- smell awful sui
phury. San Francisco Post.
Mrs. Brand New-"I would like to get a
first-class book on etiquette Mr.. Brand
! New-"Any particular point you want
to clear up?'' eyes; how to treat ones
interiors. You know, dear, it is only
recently that we have had interiors. =
London Tid-Bits.
..There is only one thing she said to
her dearest girl friend, that makes me
doubt Herberts affection for me-
'What is that?' He thinks that some
of the snapshot photographs he has tax
on of me are good likenesses. Wa shing-
ton Star.
| De Auber (the artist)-"What objec-
ton have you to becoming an artists
bride?" De Rurale-"Oh, everybody
would always be pointing me out as q
model wife. Truth.
Prof Colorz-"In this prism blue pre-
dominates. Mr.. Callow, what is the rela.
] tive value of the blue and the red?'
| Callow Gust waking up)-"Why, the blue
is % cents and the red is 1O."-Syracuse
Post.
A soldier leaving barracks is stopped
by the corporal of the guard. "You cam
not go out without leave II have the
verbal permission of the captain" "Show
me that verbal permission. London
Globe
"Better wait awhile said the Cum
mingsville sage. "After you get to be a
few years older you won't want anything
to live for. Just living will be consider
able satisfaction. Cincinnati Enquirer.
It was rather hard for the leader Of
church choir in Connecticut to swallow
a bee with her mouthful of pear and
have the ungrateful insect sting the
singer in the larynX. 1t must have
been bee fiat to have done such a mean
/ thing as that.-Boston Herald
''Ha! Ha! Ha! Hap laughed the great
detective; Il have 'em now!' For five
days he had been on the trail, and had
neither eaten nor slept. He had done
nothing but drink. Under the circum-
stances. his joyous assertion that he had
'em bore the similitude of verity-De-
troit Tribune.
There's one good thing about the mel
ancholy days of autumn said Sneersby
'What is that?'
'When man gets a plain, ordinary
cold he can't go about calling it hay
| fever Washington Star.
''See here, waiter, this chicken won't
do. It's as tough as a rock"
ut is just possible, sir, that it was
Matched out of a roc's egg. If so, it will
cost more, because they are very rare"
l-Harper's Bazaar.
''Some time ago. writes g. Chapman in
the London Spectator, Sin passing
through churchyard in Lancashire l
saw a number of flower wreaths on a
newly-made grave. One among others
had a card attached on which was writ.
ten: with Mrs. IS deep sympathy
and printed in the corner: AT home on
Fridays"
Lawyer whats that book you are
readingw
Law student-"Oh, it's book on COM
mon sense"
Lawyer-"Yes, sir, and reading such a
legal work forever. '-Tid-Bits.
The Thin One-'I'd just like to see
one Of those bicycle fends dare to run
| over me-"
] The Plump One-"No fear of that,
dear. There would be too much risk of
punctured tire. indianapolis Journal.
Nephew-"Do you know, uncle, I
dreamt last night that you lent me S1Ov'
Uncle (generously)-"I that so? All!
WE'LL you may keep them, Otto. LA
Perroquet.
/ "Why in thunder don't this train pro-
| coed 2" cried the passenger. Because
there amt none O you got tickets to
eternity said the brakeman. "If we
went on with that danger signal up,
| that's where you'd fetch up.'-Harper's
Bazaar.
/
IF there's any invention dat 1 have
profound respeck fur" said Meandering
| Mike, ''it's de founting pen"
| "Whut's de reason p inquired Flooding
Pete.
''Dey never work. "-Washingto Star.
"Look me in the face,sir'
He raised his eyes timorously until
they were directed to her countenance.
Now, sir, deny, if you dare, that you
married me for my money"
1T must have been your money! he
faltered.-Toronto Telegram.
To be Regretted Inn Keeper (who
has just tapped fresh barreD-''Sacra!
But that is beer! What a pity that one
must sell it!''-Fliegende Blaetter.
Shingiss-"I'm not very well up in
I these things, Van Braam, so / thought
| I'd ask you if it is the correct thing to
call again after dining at a house"
Van BRAIN Invariably, Shingles.
AAdC 10, IL IlC u1hllOA WIS SOOO CAOuSA W
deserve an encore.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Townley-"W the mosquitoes bad
out where you were this SUMNER
| Commuter-'I don't know. | never
studied their morality; [ was kept too
| busy slapping at them and keeping my
own morality up to the limit. Truth.
Notes-Poor Robinson seems to be in
| a bad way.
Coats-What's the trouble?
Notes-Why, the back of his neck and
ears is one mass of cuts and stabs, which
he refuses to explain.
Coats-Oh, yes. I remember he told
me some time ago that his wife wanted
to cut his hair.-New York Recorder.
Smith-Sorry to hear about your in
| sulting Miss Ortum last night old man,
when she was learning how to play poker.
| Brown-All rot. She was sitting next
| to me, and [ was dealing, and | said:
| ''Your ante, Miss Ortum, because you're
| the eldest hand" whereupon she left the
| table in high dudgeon.
Glycerine in Unused Traps.