The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1895-02-26
PIrH AND POINT.

Every mortal with hopeful h,art
is n capitalist. Galveston News.
Ladies of forty summers and moro
than forty falls are riding bicycles
Judge.
No baggage smasher will ever fool
with an elephants trunk. Florida
Times Union.
No one passes away moro quietly
than the fellow who is jumping his
board bill. Hartford Journal.
The man who publishes anonymously
has n chance to be ticdled by the I'M
conscious praise Of his personal enc
mics. Puck.
An enterprising hardware merchant
OF Warren, Penn. has wooden
rakes labeled "Renl Maud Mullers-
no false teeth. - Hardware.
Oh, bird within the gilIed cage,
With notes OF joyous glory,
How very glad you ought TO bo
They aren't promissory.
Judge.
A pretty girl can usually forgive u
man for staring at her; but you
wouldn't think SO to hear her tell the
folks about it when she goes home. -
Atchison Globe.
els your son improving i'll his COR
net practice?' "a heap. He used to
practice all the time, and now he
doesn't put in more than two hours Il
day. indianapolis Journal.
Boarder Madam, 1 have found
nickel IN my hash" Mrs. Mealer-
ooh, that's all right. / put it there;
thought I'd give you little change
an your diet. "-Philadelphia Record.
She carried her new dress away,
But. ali my beart, IL grIeves,
To tell she had TO hire n dray
To carry home the sleeves.
Philadelphia Record.
Jingle There goes woman with
history" Fangle-"That woman
who just left your office? How do you
know Fingle-"She worked for an
nour trying to sell it to me. Buffalo
Courier.
Friend-'If your washerwoman
charges by the piece it must be rather
expensive" Young Housekeeper-
"Oh, no. She loses 80 many things
that her bills arc never high. New
York Weekly.
Mr.. Highhi-"Wh is that Book
of Etiquette and Complete Letter
Writer?'" Mrs. H-"What do you
want of it?" Mr.. HI want to write
to the grocer to tell him ! can't pay
him. New York Weekly
why do you never
touch your piauo?" Miss Thumper
-"We're buying it on installments.
What difference does that make?"
'T'm afraid If paw should hear me
play, he'd stop paying. Good News.
Little Willie--"T wanted so much
to peek through the keyhole last night
while you were in the parlor with Mr..
Castleton." Sister Clara -"Bnt, like
good little boy, you didn't, did
you?" Little Willie mo; the ser
want girl got thoro first. New York
Herald.
without even the suspicion Of
smile on its face the Rochester Demo-
orat declares that "Buffalo is proyerb-
tally jealous of Rochester" As the
mosquito said to the elephant as they
walked down the gang plank of the ark
together, "Quit shown. "-Bunalo
Express.
Strange policeman, how often
do the electric cars pass this corner?"
Policeman" We'll, it you arc trying
to take nap they go by every two
minutes; but If you want to go some
where you have TO wait half On hour.
Smith, Gray & Co. q illustrated
Monthly.
A wild fear seized upon her. He
has gone forever !" she shriekcd.
She had secretly entertained the ox-
poctation that the man she had
spurDed would come back until sho
looked over the hat-rack and found
that he had taken away much better
umbrella than he brought. Forever ."
she moaned. -Philadelphia Call.