The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-10-30
I SAM JONES' OLD SAYINGS.
Peculiar Expressions Of Wit and Wisdom
by the Noted Evangelist.

Peculiar Expressions Of Wit and Wisdom
by the Noted Evangelist.
The following expressions from Sam
Jones are given as samples OF his
preaching not long ago in Winston,
N. c., namely:
[ like fast horse, but slow girl.
Unwritten law: Virtue vs.. shot
gun.
You re an old cusser from Cusser-
Vile.
Sin is wropg-doing. Sin is disobedi-
ence.
Never run boycott on anything but
the devil.
No man up there can bribe Gods
grand jury.
Your wife has as much right to cuss
as you have.
Neighbors, let preserve the Ameri-
can Sabbath.
One consecrated, good man can de-
stroy much evil.
Twist yearling' tail and he gifts
away every time.
Can't defeat justice at the thresh-
hold of eternity, Bud.
The sin of licentiousness is the
greatest curse of humanity.
No gentleman will do anything that
he cannot expect of his wife.
The Bible talks as plainly as 1 do.
If you don't believe me read it.
Your Uncle Jones is just what he
demands of his wife. Are you?
If you are out of fix, Bud, my medi-
cine will puke you like dog.
If you spit on bunch of dudes and
they can't swim, you've got EN-.
You can get money when you want
it, Bud, for tobacco and circus.
A politician ought to be easily saved
because the devil don't want him.
A boy 81 years old who don't know
what he is fit for ain fit for anything.
Make me policeman and you old
married bucks will have to stay at
home.
A hit dog yelps. If you go home
bowling, Sam Jones has pcppered you.
A fellow that throws as many stones
as Sam Jones can live in glass houses.
Lightning never strikes twice at the
same place. Place amt there to
strike.
Meanest kind of white folks. Old
sisters with silks on that didn't give
nick.
Possum up that tree. Wait about
twenty minutes and I'm going to
smoke him out.
Nearly kills some of you to give a
dollar, but give it and let the dose be
over.
Ihave no objection to bangs. Think
they are becoming both to women and
mules.
It is not what you think of Sam
Jones, but what God thinks OF the
crowd.
And then you say preachers ought
to preach the gospel and let these
devils go.
If you vote liquor out of this town
the damnable, dirty druggists will give
you trouble.
To-day Sunday is scalding and
securing day in these towns and bad
day for chinches.
If any drug store, doctor, or railroad
man says he's got to keep liquor, he
is simply a liar.
If one sinner can do much evil, what
will one thousand turned loose on a
community do.
Get after the preachers, but have
the highest regard for them-l lick my
boy Bob, but love him.
There's a stranger here. One fel-
low put in dollar. He don't live in
this town.
The girls are as pure as the morning
dew, but God pity the crowd they We
got to dance with.
Itgoes hard to give anything. When
you're in hell a frying, you'll feel
worse than you do now.
You are the same man down here
and will be the same man up there
and the same Bible will judge you.
Your wife's got as much right to
drink whiskey and get drunk as you
have, you lousy scoundrel.
You're bad egg, neighbor, and Iii
tell the children to put you far away
or you might bust, you old cusser.
I used to think preachers had wings,
but they amt. I saw one once with
his coat off. They wern't even bud
ding.
When I see an old maid, I am sure
some fellow ain t done his duty. When
I see an old bachelor, I think Of hog.
When you step into a gambling hell,
young man, stop, and say, God made
mothers boy for far nobler purpose.
In some sections if they don't change
the breed of folks they'll turn into
razor back hogs in less than twenty
FIVE years.
If every member of the church gets
to heaven you would have to sleep
with your breeches on. Would get
robbed, sure.
IF could tear out one page of some
of your lives and paste in big letters
on this rostrum you would run out OF
this house.
If boys have not been drunk around
the drug stores in this town Sunday,
then they have lied to me like dog
trotting.
home singing lullaby, "Papa's gone
a hunting,s ETC." Yes! he's gone a
hunting. Catch ?
I am against anything that helps
boy to the devil, and hence my objec-
tions to cards and billiards in your
club rooms.
L