The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1895-09-17

is, flowers, fuss and feathers; is OF
masculine tendencies cause she wears
shirt bosoms, paper collars and always
has her heart full OF boys ; singular
number cause the boys are afraid of
them, and matrimony Is played out
third person cause she's much spoken
OF, Ia h objective case and governed
by Gypsy bonnet
Teacher.-Next parse fashions.n
Pupi!.-"Fashion Is a tyranicai noun,
of the common gender.p
Teacher" Catfish and blunder-
bussesY What's that, sir 2"
Pupil Fashion is q tyranical
noun u it must be obeyed, and
laughs at a poor mans purse; common
gender cause everybody bow to it. it
is compounded of aounces, Himsies,
%ruffles, cuffs, furls, hairs, snares, Gre
cianbends, fuss and feathers ; ii once
was in the objective Use and governed
by Eugenie, but is nov in the nomina-
tive case independent"
Teacher Go home, sir"
Next: Parse baby
Pupil.-"Baby is an o~bstreperous,
musical noun, of the neuter gender"
Teacher" What did you say, you
little imp Pr
Pupil.-"Baby is a musical noun
cause 1t sings q soft June between mid
night and day, especially of a cold
night 1t is neuter gender cause it's
neither male nor female till it is big
.enough to wear brooches it weighs
according to size, and measures ac-
cording to proportions is compounded
OF milk and lungs, grows rapidly and
soon learns to smoke cigars, drink
spirits, talk short to dad, aud make
love to the gals. 1t is also of the spoilt
gender cause it puts its foot in the
gravy whenever it chooses"
Teacher.--"Go home, sir, and tel
your mother to rock you to sleep"
Next: Parse matrimony."N
Pupil" Matrimony is an ancient
noun OF the defunct gender"
Teacher.-"Hear him What die
you say, you vagabond ?"
Pupil.-"M atrimony is OF the de
funct gender cause 1t is played out
girls are as plentiful as b~lackberries
but they've got nothing, they toll not
neither do they spin, yet Solomon, il
all his glory, could not spin like 'em
matrimony Is compounded of the word,
mate and money, but when there's
match nowadays it's nothing withou
money third person cause its spoken
of much by the girls in the objectiv,
case and governed by the spondoolick
of the girls daddy"
lake Gne DacR seat, ant
rub your head with a brick"
"Parse kissing"
Pupil.-"Kissing is q common labia
noun, of explosive gender"
Teacher.-"Sakes alive What d
you mean?
Pupil.-"Kissing is in the explosiv
gender cause it's generally attende,
with various explosive sounds, some
thing like the bursting of q torpedo
something like the sucking of a calf
something like unto weeping as Jaco'
kissed Rachel and lifted up his voic
and wept it's peculiar to all ages an,
sexes, especially to the young girls
preachers aud widowers. kissing /
derived from bussing, and is of variou
kinds first there's rebus, which is t
buss again, second there's omnibus
which is bussing all the girls in tn
room. Third, there's blunderbuss
!, which is n man busting anothe
mans wife and fourth, there's sylla
bus, which is one girl busting anothe
girl when so many boys are spoilin,
for a buss; it Is second person 'caus
it takes two persons to perform tn
operation ; is in the objective case an
governed by the surrounding circun
stances"
Teacher.-"Great heavens. Tha
will do, SIR"