Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-08-28

Tirgiuia free 2ress.
Humorous.

that III wa " NDNNf
ed.
She-Doyou still treasure my photograph?
The CoIonel-DoI I've had 1t set in my
pocket flask.
81 see the people have unearthed another
Anarchist" so? How did they do it?"
Gave him a bath.
First Drummer-Why do you speak of
that hotel as DThe Fiddle p" Second Drum
mer-Because it's a vile inn.
Some one has said that the medical pro-
f@e.ssion divide humanity into two classes
The poor whom they cure and the rich whom
they doctor.
No Alternatiye.-Clara-S you are en-
gagged at last e? Maude-Why, how did you
know l had accepted him? Clara heard
be had proposed.
Young Lady on the Grand'tand-The m
pire called a foul but l don't even see a iea'
Their. Her Escort-But you must remember
this is a picked nine.
Jimmy-Do you like your job? Tommy
No; l don't like nothin' about 1t, 'cept
sometimes when you have to 60 an wait for
the man that amt in.
"You haven't read my new book of poems
y4t?' "No, l haven't. I've just recovered
from a severe illness. and the doctor is very
particular about my heath !"
Gomez-Isay vast you who recommend
ed that cook to my wife? PEREZ believe
so. Gomez-Then l should like you to come
and have supper with US to night.
DAY. have a device to increase the speed
of cable cars. Weeks-That won't bring
YOU a fortune. Get up Il scheme to increase
the speed Of the people who have to chase
them.
She-Ig got a letter from papa to day, say
ing that he hsd made his will. He Do we
come in anywhere? She-Not directly; but
he has left all his money to an asylum for
idiots.
"How will you have your eggs cooked?'
asked the waiter. "Make any difference in
the cost of 'em 90 mo" "Well cook EN-
with a slice of ham," said the customer,
greatly relieved.
"Now, will you spend this dime for whis-
key ?" asked the kind old gentleman. Il
kin ifyou insist" replied The grateful recip-
tent; 81 CUES. | know a place where we can
git two fer a dime"
The Summer Girl-Oh! | love to hear
you read your poems. 1t makes me realize
how brave you are. Poet-Brave? Girl
Yes, brave; you laid you took them your
self to the publishers.
Old Parry (reprimanding him)-You told
me that i'll gave you the dine you wouldn't
spend it for drink. You didn't keep your
word. The Other Party-Well, ! didn't
keep the dime, neider, did /?
Not Es>entral- Mistress greatly scandal
lied Us it possible, Huldah, you are max
ing bread without having washed your
hands New Kitchen Girl-Lor', what's the
Inference, mum? It's brown bread.
Van Jay-The bridegroom was to meet
the bride at the church. Hortense-But
what did the bride do when the groom did
not put in an appearance? Van Jay-She
left the church without any ceremony.
Jones asked his wife-"Whyi is a husband
like dough-" He expected she would give
it up, and was going to tel her it was "be.
cause a oma needs him" but she said it
was because he was "hard to get off her
hands"
He was saying all SORTS Of soft things to
her. "Sir," she exclaimed with sudden in
diguation. ooh, | beg pardon" he replied
hastily. 'Imeant nothing by" That's
just what / don'tlike, sir. What want to
hear is something you do mean.
Voice Through the telephone)-Is that
the city editor? Answering Voice-Yes -
What do you want? "Will you please tell
me the score? q" There isn't any ball game
in town to-day" Ball game nothingi /
wan, to know the score against Holmes up
to 6 o'clock"
Your name is John Smith, is it," sar.
ca.tically inquired the Police Magistrate of
the seedy warrant before him. And you
belong, of course, to one of the leading fam
lilies of C~hicago?" NO, Judge" deiectedly
replied the prisoner. According to the last
city directory the Johnsons lead Us about
5000"
The Son of His Father. Banker Jacobs
All, ! am pleased to hear my little son
plays well andi. he making good progress
Pianoforte Master-He i, getting along
splendidly, his only faults that he will play
tho fast. Father-Ah, he is an excellent
son he make, the most of these expensive
lessons.
German Prince Visiting the public IL
brory in one of the small cities of his princi-
pality)-Eyerything very complete But
why Is it bat the books are placed 50 that
you can t ,ad the titles? Burgoma>ter-
Oh, Your Highne.s, couldn't allow thstthe
books should turn their backs upon Your
U.-l-