davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Canton times., 1895-05-31
HUMOROUS.
1850.

The man who rides hobby thinks
everybody else ought to travel his
ways.-Ram's Horn.
Mrs. Styler-"Isn't Miss McCool's
dress lovely? She's just coming out in
public" Old Styler-"Hum! So
see! Half way out, now !"-Cleveland
Plain Dealer
He (resuming his seat after brief
visit outside)-"What an atmosphere
of realism there is about this play''
She-''Yes. Smells like cloves. Chi
cago Tribune.
-Jones-''What is an unknown
auantity?" Smith-''The change you
get for dollar when you are trying to
catch an elevated train in hurry.
Texas Siftings. " -
His New Study.-Little Sister
ANY new studies this term?" Little
Brother 'One-elocution." Whats
that?" "It's learnin' how to read a
thing so that it will sound as if you
was at the other end of drain-pipe."
WHO is going to be the best man
at your wedding?" asked Hicks, of Gar
Td"dYt WIN 10 ohoA Wy w Ah0hiy hO"
woman" II don't know" said Cara
way sadly. Miss Strongmind and 1
have not settled yet which of us is to
have that honor."-Harper's Bazar.
-Fuddy-"I suppose your son goes
in for athletics? Football, perhaps?
What is he, half-back?" 'Duddy-'Half-
back? Well. guess not! You should
see Jack once, and then you'd say he
was all back. Ma. Jack is no foot
ballist; he's bicycle stopper. Boston
Transcript.
"A four-year-old was very much in
terested by the fact that some special
performances at the kindergarten
which he attends were to celebrate
Washington's birthday. He had en-
joyed q birthday of his own some
months before, and had also attended
the birthday party of a little friend.
Consequently his expectations as to
washington's birthday took some def
mite form. When his father came home
Friday evening the celebration was, of
course, the first topic of conversation.
His father asked with regard to q
neighbor: WAS Mrs c. there?"
mo-" was the child's reply; "and
George Washington wasn't either. ~
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
The Canton times., 1895-05-31
! HARD CHOICE.

,ot marry poor girli
IwS.'..h W.. that would never 40, oI. N
vor IN What is terrspln 70, ,or i've two
70, . cold cold oorned Desf f0r 'w0
!. 10. marry a bright girl
lSpr s,or one with degree; .s.ns
NOT SIv not want my wife to think
isSe'r sSe snew lew too much for me-
,ot marry pretty grill
lwouiS s,r Seauty makes one vain; -,
~, rSen she once had lost her Aoo'
Aaa %asyd sTd not come back again
"a not marry plain grill
w sure that could not
r.dure her face for forty year,
Bsnind the coffee pos'
would not marry rich grill
TS ISo not like that kind;
~ I.asses n~ are always spoiled
"a Ana ai sometimes hard TO fina
,,,,d not marry silly grill
W. aiddy butterfly;
NJ maiden with ceaseless lausn'
M No Of schoolgirl need apply
N ,so., seem condemned BY rate
A bachelor to be;
-. a v mhen I'VE found the girl want.
fsfn'p Harry Romano, In Puck
The Canton times., 1895-05-31
IPuT MY FOOT ON THE STEP. +"


lcycle, and used to cover amazing dis
saces on that remarkably sane ma
.1e' @ Once when in Honolulu, with
O'ning to occupy his mind or his
-uscles but bicycle that happened to
y unemployed at that particular time,
howard tumbled about the land of
- sandwich islands, and nearly got
useit flung into the Pacific on two or
.,se n0p occasions, but he persevered and
navy conquered the two-wheeler.
.ce then he has been Dragging about
anu inviting me to take trips with
Sa 20 various interesting portions of
~ said to myself that If mere dra-
uc author had brains enough to
bicycle, surely talented news
- man could do the same.
iriend Of mine in England said
III. ~ tue real way to acquire the BIZ
fy own. So ' '.
as long" said he, ''as you simply
ss .su on hired machines you won't
'0' because you have nothing at
The Canton times., 1895-05-31

ont, but In this l reckoned without the
milkman. 4 had no idea before that
the multitudinal milkman was such
fiend In human shape. He drives ve-
hicle modelled after the old Roman
chariots, and he drives at rate Of
speed that il something appalling. The
moment | got on my bicycle ia. the
road some accursed milkman would
come tearing up, and taking it Tor
granted that ! knew all about bicycle
steering he neverpaid the slightest at
tention to me. Consequently came
within an ace of being smashed up
into pieces on several occasions, and
after steering my machine up on the
sidewalk and into the fence to get out
OF his way used language that knew
must have turned most Of the milk in
that neighborhood sour.
One morning, thoroughly discour-
aged with the business, I got out on
the street a little later than usual, so
as to be rid of the milkman. One PEI
culiarity ct the bic..le seems to be
that although you are reasonably sue
SOooAuA III yOuE AuoU AAJcTVlGW WlJA IL,
the next you seem to have to begin all
over again. This particular morning
! was more than usually discouraged
and had practically made up my mind
to sell the machine. All at once l
found myself In the saddle and rea-
lized that had run along several
rods without any serious wobbling. On
and on we went with beautiful sense
Of smoothness, ease and exhilaration.
l turned in to the main coaching
road with my heart in my mouth
but my feet still on the pedals, and /
executed a turn without disaster.
There was now straight stretch
ahead of me for miles on smooth and
excellent road.
Surely" said to myself, "the time
is come when my neck is to be broken.
This docility on the part of the wheel
can lead to nothing but disaster. :"
Nevertheless on and on we went, and
after travelling for about mile and
coming to wide part in the thorough
fare, l took a sweep around with
amazing success and travelled back
again. 1t seemed to be an unbeliev-
able thing, but actually had succeed
ed in teaching that bicycle how to
carry a man as a man should be car
ried.
The Canton times., 1895-05-31
THEIR s. GREAT IDEA.
How France Happened to Recover Napo-
icons Remains from the English.

How France Happened to Recover Napo-
icons Remains from the English.
As the story went, O'Connell had
warned Lord Palmerston that he pro-
posed to present bill in the commons
for returning Napoleon's remains to
France.
Take care" said Lord Palmerston.
"Instead Of pleasing the French gov
ernment, you may embarrass it seri-
ously."
''That is not the question" answered
O'Connell. 1.-THE question for me Is
what ought to do. Now, my duty is
to propose to the commons to return
the emperor's bones. England's duty
is to welcome the motion. shall make
my proposition, then, without disturb
ing myself about whom it will fatter
or wound"
$50 be it," said Lord Palmerston.
''Only give me fifteen days"
"Very well," answered O'Connell.
Immediately Lord Palmerston wrote
to M. Theirs, then at the head Of the
French ministry, that he was about to
be forced to tell the country that Eng
land had never refused to return the
remains of Napoleon to France, be-
cause France had never asked that
they be returned. AS the story goes,
M. Theirs advised Louis Philippe to
forestall OConnell, and thus it came
about that Napoleon's remains were
returned to France.
The grand pensee, as the idea war
Immediately called, seems, however, to
have originated with M. Thiers, who
saw in 1t a means of reawakening the
waning interest in Louis Philippe. He
believed that the very audacity of the
act would create admiration and ap-
plause. Then, too, it was in harmony
with the claim of the regime; that is,
that the government of 1880 united all
that was best in all the past govern
ments of France, and so was stronger
than any one of them. The mania OF
both king q, minister for collecting
and restoring made them think still
more favorably of the idea.-McClure's
Magazine.
The Canton times., 1895-05-31

1noca of ten SECONDS. M nTSt cAOT -
sp asrs made more years ago than care
y ~ estimate, on the ordinary bone
.S.ler of commerce. two-wheeled
,shicle with hickory spokes in the
whaals If l remember rightly, /
hroke up the machine, and abandoned
the attempt.
Neyer shall forget my amazement
when saw a human being for the first
t,oe on one Of those wheels which we
now call the ordinary bicycle. II
seemed to me then anything but ordi-
narv. In due time ! tackled one of
these machines at riding school, and
the result Of this wonderful conflict l
wrote up years and years ago. The
result was that in q certain number OF
rounds the machine foored me every
time, drawing first, second and third
blood. As l had some work to do in
this world | again abandoned the at
tempt, not wishing to break myself
into little pieces. On various occasions
since then have endeavored to train
|up q bicycle in the way it should go,
but always without success.
tits an amazing thing, then, that q
sedate, middle-aged man should try to
do what he had invariably failed to
accomplish in. his youth. In looking
back to see who is really responsible
tor this amazing outbreak on my part,
i think the man most to blame is that
celebrated dramatic author, Mr.. Bron-
Son Howard. Yet Mr.. Howard has
always been exceedingly kind and gem
Tie with me, as, indeed, he Is with
everyone, and / have often wondered
why he endeavored to lure me on to
the top of bicycle. Perhaps it Is that
Providence does not intend any man to
bs entirely good, and as anyone who is
acquainted with Mr.. Howard has never
any fault to find with him, it may be
that his goading of man toward feats
of bicycular eccentricity takes the
place in Mr.. Howard's nature that re-
'enge, envy and all uncharitableness
occupy in the souls of the rest of us.
Mr. Howard at first practiced on.a
The Canton times., 1895-05-31
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.


Moore could 'sing like an angel"
He sang his own love songs with such
effect that lady friend once stopped
him in the midst Of one Of his best ef-
forts "Please stop, Mr.. Moore; this is
not good for my SOUL.
Gen. Simon b. Buckner, the con-
fedora te veteran, Is one OF the most
enthusiastic advocates of good roads
in Kentucky. On his big farm in Hart
county he has constructed ten miles Of
macadamized highways.
Gov. Brown of Maryland has an
nounced that he will soon address
communication to the governors OF the
various states of the Union requesting
their cooperation in the collection OF
funds to erect suitable monument to
the memory of Francis Scott Key, the
composer of 1.-THE Star Spangled Ban
ner."
Mrs Richard Watson Glider, wife
of the editor of the Century Magazine,
was once a professional painter, but
she has now given up art because she
thought she must neglect either it or
her family, and she says she hopes
none of her three or four daughters
will ever have any special talent for
anything but being nice women.
-Cheret, the father of the artistic
poster fad, is said to have grown to
dislike that style of art and at present
he is devoting himself to pastel and
decorative painting. He is over
whelmed with orders for posters and
book-covers, but he makes use of every
possible pretext to refuse them. Aub-
rey Beardsley also has tired of this line
of work.
The queen of Corea think great
deal about her health. She lives in
constant dread of some disease which
will prove fatal. A lady physician is
accommodated with suite of rooms
in the royal palace, and is obliged to
visit the queen every day. When her
majesty is in the least indisposed, she
must always remain within earshot.
The doctors salary, however, is $500.
Sir Henry Bessemer, Known in En-
gland as the "Steel King" has just
reached his eighty-third year, and is
said to be proverbially hale and
hearty. Sir Henry is one of the few
celebrated men who have never re-
sponded to requests for photographs or
autographs. He is a modest, retiring
man, with all his wealth and fame, and
has repeatedly expressed as his ambi-
ton, now in the evening of life, to be
let alone. He. like Gladstone, is a
great believer in manual labor and
pedestrianism.
-Pasta's voice extended from low A
to d in altissimo, and was one of the
most remarkable illustrations ever fur
nished of the value of musical culture
in overcoming natural blemishes. Her
voice was stubborn and unmanageable.
but by dint of study and indefatigable
perseverance she brought it to state
of perfection that was the admiration
of her contemporaries. Her delight
was the bravura style of ornament, and
where the composer had not been suf-
ficiently liberal in bestowing orna-
mentation on her part, she invented
cavatinas of her own and used them
with such effect that they were gener-
ally regarded as the best part OF her
singing. She made her first appear
ance on the stage in 1915; her last in
1885,
The Canton times., 1895-05-31
THE ERRATIC BICYCLE.
BY LUKE SHARP.

HAVE, at various
periods Of my life,
endeavored to teach
q two-wheeled ma
chine to carry q man
with something like
dignity and stabili-
ty; to act, in fact, as
If it did not wish to
wobble owe r the
whole earth in the
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
TWENTY YEARS AGO..
Information Gathered from the Files
Of the Bismarck Tribune of
August rs, 1875.

Lieutenant Chance relieved from duty
at Camp Hancock and ordered to Fort
Lincoln. ... George w. Plumley, one of
the proprietors of the TRIBUNE, ex-
changes his interest for Colonel Louns-
berry's Wells (Minn.) Atlas, and goes to
that place.. Chief Justice Shannon,
Judge Bennett and Bartlett Trip ap.
pointed by Governor Pennington to COM
pile the laws of the territory. Over
1000 Mennonites go from Duluth to
settle in the Red river valley The
p%ostoffice trouble settled by the re-
appointment of Mrs. Linda Slaugh-
ter. flames Grennan, a discharged
soldier, commits suicide at the Dakota
House by taking an overdose of NOR
phine....N. P. Clark receives $50 head
of beef cattle from Nebraska. Judge
Cdrville started out to lecture on the
Black Hills....J. W. Proctor raises 500
bushels of potatoes, and sells 'em
for $3.50.
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
STOCKYARDS, OUT ST.. PAUL., MINI.

west to the Missouri river. A colony of
fifty families IS expected to emigrate to
that part of the state next spring. The
report of the committees is made to the
land department Of the road:
"We the undersigned, farmers of Mar
shall county, Indiana, are pleased to re-
turn to you our sincere thanks for your
kind attention during our trip of %investi-
CATION of the country traversed by the
Northern Pacific railroad. We made a
stop of several days in North Dakota, dur
ing which time we personally examined a
great portion Of the land in Foster and
Wells counties. which are located in the
James river valley, and We make special
inquiries from leading and most reliable
farmers located there, and are satisfied
there is no truth in statements made by
others regarding these lands being burned
out with effects of drought in past years.
We were Informed by the pioneer residents
that there had never been a total failure of
crops in the James river valley. We had
the pleasure OF talking with several who
have lived for the past eleven years in Eos
ter county, and we find them ready to
make affidavit that such report concerning
failure of crops in this locality from
drought is an unreliable statement, and
certainly eliminates from selfish competi-
tors. Judging from the buildings, and the
surroundings that we saw it certainly in
dictates success and prosperity.
There is ample opportunity of home
stealing choice government land adjacent
to the railroad lands as all even numbered
sections are retained by the government.
We find a man may homestead l60 acres of
free government land and, if he chooses,
purchase 100 acres of railroad land at low
figures on long time. All these advantages
cannot be obtained from SPECTATORS or
one-horse real estate agents whose only
interest is the immediate profit they hope
to realize. We are more pleased with cen
trail North Dakota than with the northern
part as it has more favorable spring and
earlier harvest, and is also nearer to mar
ket.
We know of no country where land can
be secured on so easy and reasonable
terms, and where diversified farming can
be made so successful.
In connection with this report, it may
be stated that the western part of the
has for hundreds Of families of
thrifty farmers, who will find ample op-
p%ortunity for a prosperous livelihood.
There are thousands of acres of desir-
able farming land, and suitable for the
%pasturage of focks and herds upon
which the careful settler may earn a com.
Portable living, with limited means to
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
Appreciate His Services.

The music committee and choir Of the
Methodist church, at a recent meeting,
passed the following resolution:
WHEREAS, Mr.. S. D. Conover has for
several months past been the efficient
leader of the choir of the First Methodist
church of Bismarck, N. D., therefore,
RESOLVED, That we hereby express our
appreciation of his skill as a leader, and OF
the sacrifice he has made in absenting him
self from the worship of his own church,
and giving his time and talent, without
charge, to the assistance of another church
and congregations.
We express to him our heartfelt thanks
and hOpe that he will be rewarded by the
One who said, "lnasmuch as We have done
it unto one of the least Of these my breth-
ern, We have done it unto me-"
Bismarck, N. D., Aug. 10, 1896.
MI. Conover left some days ago for
Leavenworth, Kansas. It is learned
from there that he was taken quite i'll at
the close of his journey, and is now un-
dergoing medical treatment at the
Soldiers Home hospital there.
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
IN THE LOCAL SWIM.
State Officers and Other Prominent
Personages to Speak at the
W. G. I. u. Convention.
An Old Time Bismarck Business Man
Drops in to Look About
at the Old Place.
Strawberry Gardening to Be Entered
Into On a Considerable Scale
Various News Items.
W. c. T. u. Convention.


Miss Elizabeth Preston, state presi-
dent Of the w. @. T. u, advises the
TRIBUNE that the sixth annual conven-
ton of the Woman's Christian Temper
ance Union of North Dakota, will be
held at the opera house, Hillsboro, Sep
TENDER 1916. This meeting promises to
be one of the most interesting of it's kind
ever held in the state. Hon. w. G. Hub
bard of Columbus, Ohio, president of
the Peace Association of Friends of
America, an orator, pronounced by some
to To equal to John G.. Wooley, will
speak on the "Higher Life for Nations"
Sunday evening, September Is. On Sat-
urday evening Governor Allin and the ex-
governors of the state will discuss Equal
Suffrage" Miss Emma F. Bates, state
superintendent of public instruction, will
speak on Temperance Teaching in the
Public Schools" Mrs. Janette Hill
Knox of Wahpeton, will conduct a model
union meeting. Hon. Chas. Pollock will
speak on the estate Enforcement
League" Miss Louise Grumpy, state
evangelist, will preach the annual SER
non Sunday morning. Sunday after
noon a children's mass meeting will be
in charge of Mrs. Florence Pottle OF
Mayville, state superintendent of juve-
nile work. A mothers meeting will be
conducted by Mrs. L.. M. Wylie of Dray-
ton. Mrs. May Hewitt Tousley. editor
of Western Womanhood, will read a
paper on the illegal Status of Woman
in North Dakota" Arrangements are
beng made to hold a gold medal contest
on Monday evening. A fare of one and
one-fifth has been secured on all rail.
roBds.
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30

order, is 100000 pounds, and the total
weight, with the tender, loaded with fuel
and water, in working order, is 100000
pounds. The boilers are seyenty-two
inches in diameter, and large enough for
a full. grown man to stand erect inside.
The steam cylinders are twenty-five
inches in diameter and give a twenty
six-inch stroke. TIE locomotives are
designed for service on the Tehechapi
aud Sierra Nevada mountains in hauling
heavy freight trains, and we're con-
structed with that particular ia view.
We recommended the use of AngosturB
Bltters to our friends who su fer with
dyspepsia, but only the genuine, manu-
featured by DIR. Siegert & Sons. At
druggists.
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
A Promising Horse.

Elliot Barnes writes home from Gales
burg, ILL.,, that there are 400 trotting
horses, the finest in the land, about the
track there, and his horse Arpello pro-
nounced the best colt on the grounds.
He has driven Arpello in 2:l91@ and pre-
dictions are made that he will make 2:l5
before the season closes. Elliott worked
a mile beside Charles Marvin, n OF the
leading horsemen, who drove "Ah
There" who has a record OF 2:loH, and
who Marvin says will come down to 2:l4
before the close Of the season. Arpello
defeated him at any part of the track,
carried him to a break, and went under
the wire ten rods in the lead. Arpello
is entered at Decatur, ILL.,, for August
%, and will make a good showing before
the close of the season.
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
Birds Are Few

Reports come from various parts of
the state to the effect that prairie chick
ems are scarce and hard to get. Coveys
are small and rather few and far be-.
tween, and the birds are scattered to
such an extent that sport so far has been
rather tame. In this county, as we'll as
in many others, the birds are scarce, and
the results Of a days hunting this year
are small as compared with last.
It is probable the heavy rains at the
beginning of the season had much to do
with the lessening of the chicken crop.
The fact that the birds have been hunted
before the law was up has also had much
to do with the poor sport now. The
coveys have all been broken up and scat
tered before the time for legal shooting,
and now that the shooting is open to
everyone the birds are not to be found.
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
Like the Country.

The following is the report of the COM
mittee Of the Dunkard farmers who WIS.,
tied jamestown a fewS weeks ago, and
made a trip along the j.. & N. line to
Leeds. They examined the country
thoroughly, particularly the counties of
Eddy and Wells, and what applies to
them is equally true Of Stutsman and
the entire valley, as we'll as the country
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
EI1S CURE D
(Fr0zn D. S. Journal Of Medicinel

(Frons o. S. Journal Of Medicire)
Prof. ". .Peeke, who makes a specially Of Epilepsy,
has without doubt treated and cured more cases than
anything Physician his success is astonishing. We
have heard Of cases Of Q oyears'standing cured by him.
He publishes a valuable work on this disease which he
sends with a large bottle of his absolute cure, free to
any sufferer who may send their q. and Express ad-
dress. We advise anyone wishing a cure to address.
Prof. W. II. PEEKE, !. D., I Cedar St., New Yor,.:
Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-08-30
Frank About 1t.

Editor Packard Of the Mandan Pho.
neer, does not believe in evasion, or cir
c%umlocution in the expression of his
opinions. In the last issue of his paper
he pays the following tribute to jim
Campbell, IN referring to the dispute
about the life insurance matter: "Ever
since his arrival at the age of reason, or
what would be such age in other men,
Attorney James E. Campbell, of Man
dan, has been ambitious. His ambition
took a curious turn however. 1t has
been the dream of his life to be consid-
cred the biggest liar on the American
continent and at last he has reached the
goal. 1t has taken years OF earnest
effort to achieve this distinction, but he
has gone on practicing on every occa-
SION, and when no occasion was at hand
he made one. He just had to lie and
that is all there was to it. But the
great, the browning lie that tops the
structure, the keystone as it we're OF the
great arch Of mendacity which Mr..
Campbell has spent long years in rear
ing, was put IN place last week and jim
stands on it as q pedestal and challenges
all comers."