Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-09-29
A CHANGE In NOVELS
The Works Of Fiction Not Written
Like They Used to Be
HOW TITLES ARE INITIATED.
Some illustrations of the Odd Mix.
turc OF Nnmes-A Dcacon's Story of
How n sbrewd Serpent Crushed
Hen EGGS.

more when you finish them than you 90
when you commence. In the days Of my
sentimental and .impecunous youth. when
porting over literature / sat In my back
yard under the signing clothes-llne, the
heroes and heroines all rushed to each
others arms on the last page and forth
with proceeded TO live happily ever after
wards. Perennial babies and domestic
concord followed. and you babe your
fictitious friends good-by with feelings
Of actual sadness. But It's all different
now. and In working your way 20 the
grand finale you have 20 wade through
dead men and broken hearts as if you
were saun;erng through a d.ssecting-
room. No decent, self-respec;ing char
acter in fiction ever comes out OF
book alive now--ieastwise. If they
come out alive they're MANNED for
life with blindness, or deafness, or
leprosy. or something horrible. But
coull stand the slaughter OF in
noc,n;s II the fin dc steele author would
kindly take the trouble TO finish up the
pot instead Of swapping II on at an I'M
expected moment. just about the time
everything and everybody has gotten
mixed up. ana you're ablaze with excite
ment They say this trick leaves the
magma ion 10 MI ont the story. "a that
be so, why read the booi; 1t allf ny
not set yourself down, without pay ing
a dollar for the volume. ami irnaRn-
little romance all by yourself? ny
peruse a line II the writer but touchtf
the imaginative button on your Dir'"
nd ~ rrrf1 - Il
Suppose you went into a restaurant an
ordered dinner. and the man brouS",
You a plate and pepper and salt. SGi-
pose. after he had arranged these art.cf'
most temptincly before you, he said:
Now imagine you've got the rest" You
would Kill hlm--ycs. XIII him-as quickly
as the modern autnor does his hero.
Thate the sort Of c0ntinuei-in-our-next
stun we get nowaday. The lovers, after
finding every pathway of life strown
with iguratve carpct-tacks, meet finally
at their old trysting place. You begin TO
get excited. Now he's going to peck
her on her fair face" YOU bawl out
Now her big sleeves ere going TO get
rumpled,' you yen eEultantly. Now,
oh now. is the time for all third parties
to scoot." you shrek sympathctically.
Now he'll fix It," you say triumphantly.
But he doesn't do any such darned thing.
Here's how the author would write il:
Their eyes met sluarcly and she gave
a little shu1der. 4 zephyr caused a
trembling in the leGfy world And he
left her in the twilight" THE END.
Yes by Joye, that's the way II ends.
That's all YOU get for reading so pages
the simple fact that he left her in the
twilight. "iie never touched her" Con-
found him. After having the brain
fever and wandering all over the globe.
and coming home sad, and hronzed. he
meets hcr-end leaves her In the twi-
light. That's what you get for your
money. That's what you get for reading
COO pagcs-the simple announcement that
he gave her the shake i'm the cleaning.
Most any old man could leave a girl
in the twilight There lent anything 50
grand and noble in that. People do it
every day. But then a trick like that
affords such magnificent scope for the
Imagination.
Speaking about literature reminds me
OF an article recently published by the
Youths Companion, which tells OF the
funny ways in which the titles Of books
are sometimes mutilated. That most de-
spicable fiction. "The Heavenly Twins"
is often mentioned TO booksellers as
'The Twin Angels" "The Heavenly Pro-
digals." THE Blue Angels" or 1.-THE
Heavenly Angels"
One man actually asked for 1.-THE Ira
yelling Hebrew" when he went TO the
bookstore. When told he meant "The
Wandering jew" he chuckled. and said:
"Well. 1 was sure he was on the 90,
anyway"
A lady, who evidently had cog-wheels
in her head. wanted 10 buy 1.-TWO Boats
Which Went BY IN the Dark" She wasn't
the least rufiicd when handed "Ships that
Pass in the Night"
The article. In this connection, adds:
zone of the most common bulls ia
bookstore is that which people make
when they ask for VI vest-pocket edition
of Webster's Unabridged or the Bible,
with both the old and New Testament
in tt
mot long arc a young man came in
and asked for that 'horse-book.' We
named over lot of treatlses on horses.
but he said 1T wasn't them
I'VE were then compelled to confess
our ignorance. when he explained:
We'll, my bsss didn't exactly tell me it
wa, horse-book. but he said TO ask for
1.-THE Horse With Seven Stables."'
''Ws gave him The House of the
Seven Cables with the privilege Of re-
turning IT IL 1t was not the right one.
The book never came back"
Another instance recalled to my own
mind is where some dgfter asked for
"Darwln's Indecent Man" He meant
''Darwin's Descent Of Man" In view of
the theories OF the great naturalist. there
was perhaps touch OF satire in the mis-
take.
II has always been marvel 10 me how
the story for which Anenias was srnitten
down had no connection with snakes
FOR OF AL the objects calculated 10 excite |
mendacity earring fish the serpent is
the most attractive. i have known men
10 lie about snakes when they Womb |
have told the truth about everything |
else on earth-when they would even |
have told their wives the extent OF their |
incomes The latest story reaching inv |
ears savors OF veracity-thank Heaven |
for that--and / cherish il with fond af. |
fiction IL comes from one who hand, |
around the basket IN church. He saws |
that certain black snake had a habit |
OF stealing eggs from hen-nests and that |
as ii swallowed them whole Il had 10 |
resort TO some expedicnt for breaking |
them within itself. The serpent in ques-
ton was not TO DO outdone. however. |
and so hit upon the eYpedlent OF crawl |
ing through small hole whenever IL |
swallowed sample OF the hen-fru!t. |
Before the egg could get through thu |
hole. II was. OF course crushed and |
thus the snake was afforded the means |
OF enjoying It. This arrangement would |
have worked admirably until the end of |
the eerperts natural existence II II had |
not on 4 certain occasion ebsent-minded- |
ly swallowed china egg which had |