New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1895-05-24
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

The South will send carloads OF flowers for the
unwilling OF the Confederate monument in Chicago
on Decoration Day.
Poor Consolation.-Patient after wound has
healed)-Yes / am all right again, but fear that
Surgeon lreassuringiy,-Yes; but then. you know.
you may live only year or two-tBoston Tran
script
The Cincinnati University has decided to organise
a medical department.
Gertie fwho has behaved very rudely TO her
mamma. TO her aunt-Aunty Clara pray DON'T 80
Aunt lhattered)-I had no idea you were 50 knd
Gertie-Oh Aunty Clara 1t isn't that; but mamma
said was TO be whipped when you had goR.~
(Dorfbarbier.
The oleomargarne factory OF the Earl OF Jersys
near London. turns out 5000 pounds OF oeomsr.
garine every week. IL THE London Saturday
Review" which once called oleomargarine thai
American crime against humanity and the cows
but IT would probably regard Jersey" oeomsr.
garine the proper thing.
sHoPANG AND KOPEEN.
She thought she was playing Chopin.
When she her plano did bang.
But twas plain TO be seen
She vas playing Chopin.
And decidedly froid was her sang.
detroit Tribune.
The Chicago Women's Club has obterated the
color line. The decision 10 admit colored women
largely due to one OF the members. DR.. Sarah
Iackett Stevenson. The question will now Be
brought up at the next meeting OF the Federation
OF Womens Clubs
Weary wiggns-rneasy Walker is de luckiess
fe T,r.S on I'd de di road uov.s a.,,
Weary Wiggins-He's a somnambulist an does
all his walkn' in his sleep. Dat gives him all day
10 loaf in-(Harpers Bazaar.
A. reward OF merit. Mrs Emma Willard used
to invite the extra good girls of her famous semi
r,es NJ ~. hovs ofT
her house. In speaking OF this. old student
OF the seminary says: I'VE did enjoy these Miss
Nancies half as much We did those daring chaps
who fingered around the park o dark evenings. or
serenaded the young ladies. or stood ready TO pick
OFF the notes from the strings that were syly
hung from the seminary windows. No goodie-good
boys ever suited schoolgirl"
The Word Palned Him-weary walker-Hcw
much did yer work thar gent FOR Ragsy' -.
Ragsy Roberts, wish yer wouldn't use tne
word work" It's unperteshnal-tDetrot
Free Press.
The British Medical Journal" attacks the time
honored adage. early to bed and early TO rise"
etc tooth and nail IL says the desire to rise early
is usually sign not OF vigor. but OF advancing
age The long. deep sleep OF youth Is made pos
sible by a thoroughly elastic vascular system ana
the stilfenng vessels OF age are no. so easily con-
trolled by the vasomoor nerves: hence shorter
sleeps "Patcrfami.as" 1t continue who goes 10
bed ut II y. m. wants to get up at ) or . a. m.
and looks upon his healthy son. who prefers to lle
TIL g. as n sluggard. When this foolish interprea-
ton OF a proverb about the health and wealth TO be
got from early rising combined win tho still moro
foolish adage which says OF sleep iN hours Tor
man. seven for woman and cigit for foo
then we have a vicious system capable OF working
grea, mischief to young people OF both sexes
s,u rnsatisted. First strsnger-ar. my wife
saws you been staring at her forthe last half
hour. | want an apology 49,. -.
l
looking at your wife. but was in dep study and
'' Gee When she hears that she viii be madden
than ever."-tndianapoiis journal
The agent OF big office building in Chicago has
Just issued an order to the effect that no bicycles
are to be stored in the building during the day.
one tenant offered 10 carry his wheel up fourteen
flights OF stairs on his shoulder 80 tmt he would
leave no mud In the halls. but the janltT refused to
hermit him TO do even that And the vheelman II
now going 10 bring suit against the owner OF the
building test this question As the sane question
will doubtless come up In other cities. the case
will be followed with interest BY whemen. An
office building about be erected In Cleveland will
be provided with bicycle stall for the OF the
tenants which leads 1.-The Leader of tat city to
remark: who can tell but brand-nev business
will be created by the establishment OF bicycle livery
stables In which the silent steeds may be- groomet
and cared for while their owners are lot using
them"
The Smart Boarder.-It doesn't pay to be too
funny. a man who formerly boarded az /, Maine
saw chicken the bin OF fare The table y.r and
cook thereupon prepared for HIM. and Whenever Whenever
and this particular boarder always got gnerous
piece OF that. After this order OF things had con-
pectns the Joke, he day called the ws.tress
to him and told her he was getting sick II old
hens. and he'd like to have a taste OF chicken.
Very we'll" was the reply. you can have l, but
you ordered old hen regularly and as this ,ouse
always plesses its guests when It s possible. we've
been giving you what you ordered" -(Phillips Phs-
nograph. "