Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-09-12

Honey, d0n you Tear;
When de watahmillion's gone,
De 'simmon will be here
Washington Star.
Magistra tell me why you
stole that watch? Prisoner-Oh, just
to While away the time.-Philad elphia
Record. I'LL ~ 80
Adolphus-Why, Ethel. are you look
ing at me SO intently? Ethel (drea;nily)
I was gazing at vacancy, Dolly
Boston Transcript.
Don't you find it rather lonely
here?' asked Cholly, "with nobody to
talk top YES" she replied, land it's
getting worse every minute. Wash
ington Star.
Zones seemed to be awfully mad
when l overlook him this morning"
whats the matter, l wonder?' "Why,
you see. had the faster horse. Chi
cago Tribune
Old Girl-You say that you would
hustle after a man? New Girl-Yes,
certainly 'Why do such an unseen
ing thing?" ''To reduce my weight"
Adams Freeman.
II am very sorry, Karl, you didn't
admire my new frock. Everybody says
it's charming "Your friends, my
dear, pay you compliments; pay your
lls."-Lustige Blaetter.
Mature" said Uncle Eben, "doan'
nebber bestow all her gifts on one indi-
willie De lightnin' bug aim got no
singer, an de skeeter aim got no
lamp. '-Washington Star.
"Green tea or black tea, Miss?" in
quired the shOpman in sort of medico
bedside manner II don't think it mat
ters," said the girl; "missus is color
blind '-Fort Worth Gazette.
Blobbs-Your ocean voyage seems to
have improved you. You look stouter.
Slobbs-I lost five pounds, just the
same Blobbs-Seasick? Slobbs-No;
poker PhiladelDhia Record.
Bingo-I want to change the combi-
nation of that house safe Of mine. Safe
Man-What's the matter? Servants
found out the old number? Bingo-No.
| NV wife has-Brooklyn Life.
"When / first took hold of this place"
| said the new proprietor Of the grocery
store on the corner, 'it was doing alb
solutely nothing and now the business
has doubled "-Chicago Tribune.
Incredulous Friend-You'H never ac-
complish anything by trying to reach
| the POLE Arctic EXplorer-Just
wait till you see me coming down the
| homestretch.-C Plaindealer.
1T was by bein' too t9nder-hearted
| that l got here explained the gentle
man behind the bars. 'Stid of takln'
all the Teller had l left him enough to
hire lawyer and a jury on.'-lndian-
| apolis Journal.
Blabzer-Out in the country where
you live, don't you find it aggravating
| having to hurry to catch trains! MAJ
| .er-Oh, no! It's hurrying to miss
hem that we find agravating.-Rox-
Jury Gazette.
Tramp Interviewing Herr Butherz
| at the front door)-Excuse me-yester-
day you gave me this hat and the light
TOP coat I am now wearing; couldn't
YOU let me have a walking stick to
match ?-Fremdenblatt.
"Do you think" said Chappie, that
| a gentleman ought to speak to MS par
| Der when he meets him on the street!
| Certainly said Briggs. 1T is about
the only chance he has to get word
| n''-Indianapolis Journal.
Cumso-George Washington is re-
sponsible for the damage to the wheat
crop. Cawker-I thought it was the
Hessian fly which was doing the dam
| age. Cumso-It is; but Washington
made the Hessian fy.-Judge.
Have your baggage checked?" said
| the man with a handful of brass disks.
IF it's all the same to YOU replied
Familiman, I'D prefer to have you put
a check on the man who handles the
bagga e."-Boston Transcript.
sYou are working too hard" said a
policeman to man who was drilling a
! hole in a safe<at 2 O'Clock in the morn
ing. whats that?a asked the bur-
glar, in discontinued tone. Il say
YOU need arrest. Boston Globe.
.How did you feel on your fiftieth
birthday" asked one of Boston's bach
elors of another who is beginning to
grow old. Never happier or friskier
in my life,'' said he, 'but / had bad
headache next morning. Boston Her
AID
Miss De Fashion-Mother, what shall
we send to Miss De Style for her we'd
ding present? Mrs. De Fashion-Will
the list be published in the paper?
"No; she says that's vulgar" "Send
her plated saltspoon. New York
Weekly. -.-.