Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1895-09-18
OLD SETH'S RECOLLECTION
OF Daniel Websters Great Agricultural
Speech.

OF Daniel webster's Great Agricultural
Speech.
Old Seth Peters once heard Daniel
Webster deliver an grafton at an agri-
cultural fair way back in the forties
and somewhere in the State of New
Hampshire.
This grafton made such an impression
upon Seth, that he has talked about it
ever since. And every time he talks
about it. he sees new beauties in that
speech. The grafton that the Godlike
Daniel delivered, grows more and more
wonderful to him; and so every time
he describes it, he tells a new story
more extravaganza and grotesque than
the last.
The last time l heard him describe
Webster's country fair speech was in a
country store last summer. This is
the way he did it:
Want to hear bout Dan'l Webster s
greet lectur | heerd at the country fair,
do we? Don't blame We. There amt no
man alive to day who can throw Ian
guage an sling words like Dan'l could.
There amt no man now, | say, nor
never wuz, nor never will be till eter-
nifty dies of OF age.
wall, the only time, l ever heerd
Dan1, wuz at our country fair wen l
wuz a youngster. Lem me see, tibet
wuz going on fifty year ago, come mex
later diggin'; but l got elerkunce
'nough tibet day to las me all the rest
er my life. l hain't never heerd a
speech sence then; Dan1 split me for
any other kiner speech, lectur, sermon,
pr'ar meetin' an everythin' else. Every
speech l have ever heerd sence, falls ez
fiat on my ear ez a hunk er putty on a
pine slab.
They all SCUM jes' ez if you hit a
feather bed with snow shovel. There
amt no ring, no roar, no rumble, no
rush, no ring tailed thunder to 'em the
way ther wuz to DanI's stuff. Dan'l I
tell you wuZ a six foot an half seraph
with pants on; an wen he opened his
mouth the music er the spheres stopp
ed playin', fer nobody wanted to listen
to SIGH fool, fol-de-rol music wen Dan'l
opened up his flood gates an jest
drowned the worl' with elerkunce.
81 remember jes' ez if it wuz yesday
wen Dan'l riz up there on the OF plank
platform, bordered with punkins, al
the old country fair. II riz an riz, an
every time he riz he let out another
jint. jest ez you do in the new tangled
fishin poles. SeZ | to myself, he'll
never git thro' risin'; but bineby, after
he had shot up inter the heavens &
long ways, he suddenly stopped and
stood there like Bunker Hill Monimun
in gardin' er cabbages.
"Dan1 warn't in no hurry bout be
ginnin.' He jest stood still, it seem tt
me, bout half a nour. an looked
aroun' with them awful eyes of his'nt
They seemed like two mighty soul
lookin' out of the windes at a worl
tibet wuz afraid of 'em. l jes' hun,
, down my head an wouldn't look a
, 'em, l knew they could look RICH
inter me an through me an see wha
| miserable little cuss l wuz So Dan
, jes' stood an looked at his audienc
until he froze 'em into their tracks
5 The Durham bull stopped blartin' al
jes' stood and gawped at Daniel TIL
prize hog stopped eatin' his corn, al
, there warn't a roostea crowed-the
all knowed if they did they'd dro
dead.
!. 'Danl stood still so long I got awfu
/ nervous fer him. l wuz 'fraid he
forg gotten his speech. But bineby, b
opened his mouth, an words begun
: rumble out like low thunder frum ur
Y Y derneath the groun.' They com
: 'em wuZ sent like cannon ball, al
Z struck every man, woman an chill
I there right over the heart. Then the
I come faster, an then we all knowe
tibet the universe wuz big music be
an Dahl wuZ turnin' the crank Tt
d hull dictionary wuz q big bin file
O with apple sass, honey, an steve
e ounces, an Dan'l jest stood there ja1
a bin both hands into it way up to tt
: elbow, an scatterin the sweetness ov,
r the wOrl. jest threw out my arm
l. an legs like frog in mill pond, a
r. swum through the ocean of sweet Sd
2, an honey thet wuZ sloshin' all ahol
r me. | div down to the bottom, q
e brought up hundred thousand doll
J. pearls in my mouth, an splasht
d about like a crazy lunatic in sea
Is glory.
is Wen Dan'l smiled it seemed ez if I'll
r sun he'd been whitewashed with mi
ture of melted gold, silver, jasper. sa
fire, emerald, chrysolite an stuff, sic
ez st John seen on the foundations
the new Jerusalum, it seemed ez if tt
VI sun had been whitewashed with the
> things, an then smiled on the cart
/ jest like a lovesick Teller onto his be-
y gal. Wen Danl frowned the su
81 grew ez black ez black ink spot, on
Z black cat in a coal bin Oh a dark nigh
- Hope lief the worP an went on an eve
q lastin vacation; the bottom tumble
{ outer Natur, an l jest opened III
mouth an bawled like a baby. An
/ jest KEEP on bawlin' until Dan'I smile
agin, Wen l wuz SO happy an ligh
J, tibet | could have walked ON the al
= without Dustin through the 'crus
: clear from here way up to the mort
5 star.
wall, bineby Dan1 got excited. H
threw out his right ham an pulled tn
mornin' star from the bosom of tn
0 sky; he threw out his left ham al
t snatcEed the trailin' robes from tn
sunset an tapped them over the cat
) tie shed. He threw up his head ar
4 the sun lodged; he stamped his foo
$ an the earth tremb'ed, an the priz
hog Civ a gasp an dropped dead
DanPs eyes now looked like two sun
in two universes; and if he only she
them once, we knew that darkness
| would cover the face of the deep, al
the world would roam about in tn
dark parsture of the universe, like
stray COW, an git lost. Oh, them eyes
they'll shine into my soul after tn
sun goes out an after the stars hav
- dropped like loose buttons from tn
jacket of the sky.
But still Dan1 KEEP on. Tibet sol
of thunder stood there, surrounded b,
+: punkins, and verify believe the an
gels bent over the railin's of HEAVIER
an listened to him; an only wonde
tibet they didn't lose their balance ar
come afallin' down an sprawl out lik
celestial lumnuxes before his feet
They might hev for all l know. W
shouldn't hev noticed 'em. We would
MT hev paid any attention to an earth
quake or an odd fellrs purcession. !
Gabrul mad blown his trumpet RICH
then an there, an footed until he wa
red in the face, we wouldn' hev heer
1t any more than we could hev heerd
watch tick in a biler factory. Garbru
himself would hev dropped his horl
an stood an listened to Dan'I. W
5 couldn't see nothin' but Dan'l; W
5 couldn't hear nothin' but Dan'l, an
2 bigosh, there warn't nothin' but DAM
| H q filled nm the Whnla buSbol ha |, q