The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-08-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Mary had q little lamb;
With her It used to stray.
But it fed when Mary read her piece
On graduation day.
Washington Star.
Ransom-"Women are welded to
fashion" Ramson-''Yes, and they
love, honor and obey it, too. Tit
Bits.
Man with the gloomy liver,
Cease to deplore thy fate;
Get out toward the river
And go to digging bait!
Atlanta Constitution.
Kate Field tells the girl graduates
that cooking is the alphabet of their
happiness. Many of them never get
any further than let her be. Lowell
Courier.
Tommy's Pop-''Why is it the little
boy who lives across the street seems
to have no friends?" Tommy-"Why,
his fathers baseball umpire. -
Philadelphia Record.
Casey-"Phat made Mulligan fall
off de ladder? Did his fut shlip?"
Reilly-"It did not. Oi told him
joke an hour ago, an sure he jist now
tumbled. philadelphia Record.
love to swing upon the gate,
Say, just at eventide;
That is il Il will bear the weight
Ofsome one else beside.
New York Herald.
Principal Ito new apprentice)-
"Has the bookkeeper told you what
you have to do in the atternoon?"
Youth-"Yes, sir. 1 was to waken
him when l saw you coming. "-Da-
helm.
Lumleigh-"What makes you think
young Phether Waite is drummer
for bicycle concern?' Chumleigh
Anybody can see that. He carr
ries samples in his head. New York
World.
Grant-"Can it be possible that
Hawkins is in love with that fat girl?
Why, she weighs 800 at least" Hobbs
mo; 1 don't believe he's in love;
he's just infatuated" - Boston
Courier.
She lin the art gallery 81 wonder
If my hat is on straight; everybody
stares at me so. " He-"Naturally
they do. You're the most perfect
picture here" And now the cards
are out. Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Mcbride (entering the kitchen)
-"Bridget, didn't / se9 that police
man kiss you?" Bridget -"Well,
mum, sure an yez wouldn't hev me
lay mesilf opin TO artist for resistiu'
an officer, mum?" Harper's Bazaar.
Why does the poet look SO sad2
Why Is his life a wreck!
He always gets his poems back,
And never gets cheek,
A correspondent of poultry jour
nal asks "Have hens enough in
stinct to distinguish between a real
egg and the porcelain counteIfeit?"
We think they have. A hen never
lays porcelain egg. -Norristown
Herald.
Commuter-"What do you mean
by saying that that house is only five
minutes from the station? It's fifteen
minutes if it's second" Real Estate
Dealer-"When | said five minutes
l supposed you had bicycle. Dos
ton Transcript.
-"Whatever induced your
uncle to marry the widow Of a man
who had been hanged?" Simpson
"He has been married to widows be-
fore, and said he was tired OF having
the virtues of former husbands flung
in his face. Spare Moments.
Husband Whose wife has been reprov-
ing him for smoking in her presenoe1
-''You often used to say before we
were married: 'Oh George, | do 50
love the odor of good cigar, '" Wifo
-"Yes, that sort of thing is part of u
young lady's capital. Texas Siftings.
"Do you believe" said the inquisi-
tive man, "that these poets who write
SO exquisitely about the delights Of
early rising ever tried it themselves"
Certainly not, replied the sluggard.
'If they had they would never have
written in that way about it. Wash
ington Star.
81 have come to ask for your daugh-
ter's hand, Mr.. Herrick, said young
Waller, nervously. ooh, well, you
can't have it, said Herrick. 'Im
not doling out my daughter on the in
blhl4cul pau W Atu you lHtA luuI
you can support the whole girl, you
may call again. - Harper's Bazaar
doctor" asked the sick man, roll
ing up his eyes till only the whites
showed. "why Is it that in the days
when l ate no melons except stolen
ones they never bothered me in the
least, and now that l am man and
buy my melons rs an honest man
should. they tie me up IN seven kinds
of knots?"-IndIanapolis Journal
Bass-"And of which variety is your
wife, the clinging-yine or tho seli-as-
sertiye?' Cass "a little of both.
When she wants new dress or a new
bonnet, she generally begins in the
elinging-vine role; il that doesn't
bring the money, then she changes to
the self-assertiye, and well - she in-
variably gets the dress or the bouuet y
= Boston Transcript.