Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1895-03-01


Cor With the universe compared
The earth Is really SMALL
Some men are candidates because
they can't help it md some because
the people can't help it Atlanta Con-
stitution.
1t isn't the dish washing q girl dis
likes 30 much rs the thought that she
is hiding her talents away from tho
world. -Atchison Globe.
If you arc inclined to undcrrate tho
Importance of small things, consider
how much insomnia there is in one fly.
Chicago; Herald.
The child who is born with n silver
spoon in his mouth often takes SO
much of tho sweets of life that no dies
with gold in his teeth. Puck
He (philosophioally)- ''Do you ap-
prove of going to the thcatro?" Sho
(practically)-"Ohl thank you; any
night you like. boston Homo Jour
nal.
yisitor-'T suppose your daughter
is busily preparing for her wcdding?"
Mother-"Yes; she is up in her room
now destroying all her old letters. -
Tit-Bits.
Ethel-"Was tho wedding very
brilliant one?" Gladys-"Oh, very;
they had to employ detectives to
watch the wedding presents. "-Somer-
vile Journal.
81 don't believe half of our rich /.
men know when they arc we'll of. " 7
"Humph How'd you get tint idea?"
"Been looking over the assessment
roll. Buffalo Courier.
A bill is better reccipted, and nm
old chair is better reseatod, aud that
is tho resemblance between them, al-
though neither Of 'om looks at oil like
the other. New York Ledger.
Uncle "Well, Rob, are you
getting on any better In @nrithmetic?"
hob-"I should say so. - Tho boy That
sits with mo knows his lessons al
ways. "-Chicngo Inter Ocean.
You don't have monarchs in this
country?" said visitor to the United
States, musingly. "Notby that name"
replied the native eve have scr.
want girls, however. Tit Bits :
Judge-"What excuse had you to
break the compliments .headP"
Prisoner-"Force of circumstances,
sir. He would not hand, over his
watch without it. III Folshetto.
Young Jones was lazy and oft would shirk
The smallest duties. and hated work.
You must hump. yourself" his father said,
And he purchased bicycle, and did,.
Now York Press.
The Heiress-''I am so suspicious
of men TINT I sometimes wish I1idn,t
possess wealth." The Good FRIEND
but just think, dear, how lonesome
you would be without it. ;" Now York
Herald. - .:s''sEH
Gump-T wish fellow could Dor
row money as easily MS ho can borrow
trouble" Hump-'Tf you could mals.t
money as easily as you CON make trouS
BILE, you wouldn't need to, borrow
any. Boston Transcript. -..:
When st. Joseph preacher opened
tho State Undertakers' Convention
with prayer every dologate in the
house reached in his pocket for %
screw driver. Such is the. force, ol
habit: --Jefferson City Tribune. T; !. *
Barber-"If my plan was adoptoil,s
there would be no moro bald hends.,,n
Customer-I have tried u number of
preparations and they hro nil hum. ;.
bugs, "My iden emit fail "-"Wfat :.
is it?" "Wcar. a ."-Texaa Sift- ;
ingA = :,
Bighead- "There aro some ouos :
9ions-women should BIO allowed to vote :.
on on Shapely-1.--..T don't think 80. !" {
ns Pig not% .shapcly- 8
- They wouidwaste 50 much timo, try--'i
ing to get their ballots. on straight"
New York Herald '.,te y
!. This groaned the wretch ed youns :,
father, shifting the wide-hwSake babys 2.
TO the otherearm and making the turn !.
at the northwest corner Of tha roomS
for the four hundred md fifty-sevehtR
time, sis ono of the hardships that
pass in the night -sChicagoT Tribune.
Fussy Passenger why does yodr
company insist that passengers nihst =
purchase tickets before. entering the =;
train? Are they afraid that if:wS,pev "
money to you you win steal .1tp .
conductor with dignity &f.Certainly.
not. They,are afraid Tho train may :.
run OIL the track boforo can get,
around" -.
Author-:I loaned copy OF my
new book to Joanes, and wlion Go re-
turned it he praieedit up to the mines.
But found out como to look mt it,
that TIM, he hadn't even cnt the leaves.
What do you think of that?". Friend
II think you are fortunate in get
ting an unbiased opinion from a man
o. OF Joanes's discernment::" Boston /,
Transcript. +. s9alsf
Papa has determined to. whip his.
two boys. The oldest howls terribly
during the ordeal aud even keeps on
howhng after the castigation has
ceased whereupon his little brother,
angrily: ooh, stop your noise, john
ME, for if you keep on making such a
terrible row nobody I'll hoar me pr
Fliegende Blaetter.