Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1895-02-03

THE HOTEL CoCRRoACH.
The symposium turns out TO be an ar
ticle of merchandise, not prepared es-
pecially for a great magazine, as repre-
scented or implied, but TO be worked
over into SOAP advertisements and
quack circulars and heaven knows
what else.
In a coakroom the other day this
subject came up, and several Senators
expressed themselves. They suffer a
good deal from miscellaneous pests be-
cause anything addressed TO TO them 10
care Of the United States Senate will
reach them.
watched a hotel cockroach OF this
class yesterday at Wizards, lie came
into the reading room, with molasses on
his whiskers, and ! was about 10 say
that he entered sirip-titiously, but We
will let that pass. He watched his
chance and nipped a morning paper
while the owner was looking the other
way. He then gradually worked his
way into the most comfortable chair,
and after be had read the paper up one
side and down the other he espied
spare sheet OF hotel writing paper on
one table and an envelope on another.
Quick as thought be acquired them
and very likely became the head OF 8
symposium" Such a man has II in
his power 10 annoy good many indus
trious people. He can write TO Con-
gress inside OF a week on smutched
stationery and ask several hundred
other people to please state what their
views are on the question, "DId Joan
OF Arc do right In wearing Dants?'
Grave Senatorial grandfathers are ex-
pected to shut themselves up in the
Congressional library with tin bucket
of lunch and stay there until they settle
this question. Earnest people all over
the Union are asked TO lay aside their
various jobs that they may assist in get
ting together an opinion on subject
which interests nobody but the two leg
ged syndicate" with the billygoat
beard aud the buttonhole bouquet OF soft
boiled egg.
Speaking of aesthetic decorations
brings TO mind a parlOr ornament which
| saw in a country home last summer.
IL consisted OF bunch of hay coored
hair under a glass receiver which stood
on marble top table IN the sitting
room. learned siterward that when
little Ambrose was q lad he had fired
cake tresses. with damp welt OF this
gingersnap dough in roll on the top
OF his head.
Had little Ambrose been called away
to his celestial abode we could have
stood this perhaps, but be Is past 45
now and is his own hoster, | judged,
by his general air.
Little Ambrose sells sewing machines
and wears an outrageous beard, thus
saving enough necKtie money to buy
side bar buggy. His neck had ashes
of olive green freckle work on the back
and wrinkles across it like snail tracks
on tle beach. He still regards himself
as strangely beautiful and rides with
one foot outside the buggy, thus expos
ing TO view a tight boot with immoral
heels, such boots as those generally
worn by the lost and undone.
Looking at little Ambrose at the age
Of 45. with soft hat, formerly plum
colored, but now faded to the color OF
the Rad Lands, aud with that droop
and sag OF the stomach which :eli OF
,alerstus biscnits and blue mass, one
would think that 20 burn those Old
tresses and sell the glass case would be
no sin.
He ia living with his second wife now
and trying 10 draw her late husbands
pension, but hated rival wrote TO Con-
gress about IL. and now little Ambrose
has changed his name to Pantaloons.
la Hagenbeck's Justly celebrated con-
gres. OF animals there were at one time
Il tenacious carniyorous animals Of dil-
ferent species mixed w together ia
big steel cage. Tbey sat around there
for half an hour. half OF them on the
Republican side and half on the Demo
cratic side Of the cage looking fierce
for the purpose OF earning their sala-
rles, but, 10 fact, perfectly at peace
with each other There was also
Pefferian boarhound that seemed equal
~ az home on DOtn sides.
Seeing Il Q Senator from South Caro-
lima continually lingering about Don
Cameron's desk the other day reminded
me OF the peace that seemed 10 hover
around Hagenbeck's.
When Senator Vance was i'll in the
mountains Of his own State aud dying
not far from his boyhood home, one day
Senator Etmunds climbed up from the
Black Mountain station aud carried
with him a basketof Vermont apples.
1--WE been thinking Of you good
deal OF late, Vance," be said, "and try
ing 10 think OF an excuse for coming
down here. remembered that at the
Centennial North Carolina took the
worlds highest award for apples. ! had
some 10 my orchard THAI thought you
might like. so | have brought down
basket that picked myself.
r The stricken Senator was a good deal
affected by this, aud then and there
the TWO senatorial warriors stacked
arms to eat apples and tenderly talk OF
their peaceful boyhOod 10 widely sepa-
rated States.
Senator Proctor sheds maple strip
every spring in the Senate. He calls 1t
scattering sweetness on the desert
air" By doing this he has convinced
the Senate that most Of our genuine
Vermont maple siruD' IS made 10
Louisiana.
One morning in the House several