The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-08-04
He LIED TO HIS FATHER.
SAYS THE NORTH POLE Is LIKE a
LONG HOE HANDLE.
Mickey Finn Circles Round IL on the
Wings of -ancy and Finally
Hitehes On IL with "A Balloon and
Pulls IL Out OF Its Hole.
Copyright.

New York. Aug. S-"Whats this hear
about the north pole. Mickey" said
Michael Finn to his son. as they sat on
the back stoop after supper.
You have the paper in your hand
there" replied the boy. Sure. thatu
tell ye all about IT,"
''Yis. yis. 1 see.' replied the senior Finn
impatiently. but the paper says that the
Red Cross steamer Portia sailed TO relieve
Lefteant Peary. who has been looking for
the north pole. Now. what I want to
know is. where is this pole they're lookin'
for. and for why do they want 10 find it?''
why. father, its in the north. to be
sure. Where would it be?"
AYE. to be sure, sonny. The north pole
musht be in the north; that mustn't be why
they call it the north pole. But what the
divil are they maxim sich a fuss about
it for dunno?"
"Bekase they want to find it,"
And who is it is sindin' all Thin ships
fur to be lookin for it, NIickey?"
The givermint. Who else would be
SIGH a gommoch (simpleton)?"
True for We. Mickey. But did e'er
man ever see this pole?"
''Divvil's the man ever saw hide nor hair
of it. father"
'Arrah. look at that now! But, whis-
per, Mickey; how do theiy know the pole
is there?'
"Faix. they dunno surely, father. only
they think It's there"
"Oh, they think tbs there, eh! Wei,
what makes them think SOP
"A lot o thin crazy men-geologers,
thin that knows all about stones-and
soothsayers-thim that can tell We about
| stars and planets-told thin So.
Told who so. Mickey"
The giver mint"
'Ah, ha. that's the how OF it, Ell! oh,
1 see, 1 see. Wen. that's quare intirely.
My heavy hand on thin. the dirty
rogues."
Here Mr.. Finn, in halo OF tobacco
smoke of that excellent brand. Hold Car
ricrs Delight lapsod into silence and
cogitation Then he resumed:
And if no one ever saw the pole.
Mickey, how do thin soothsayers know
tbs there? Tell me that, now?"
why, father, have We no 'nolledge?
Thin wise min has instrumints. and they
took observations"
"Thrue for We. 1 didn't think O. that!
| You're right, b'yi They mustn't Observable
or they wouldn't know Usha, you're
right. And did they ooservate the pole
was round or square. Mickey"
wei, we see" replied Mickey hest
| tating, his scientific knowledge having
received a severe blow, "Ye see some O.
thin thinks it round and some square,
| but the most thinks its round. bekase tbs
nacheral for a pole to be round like
fence post, or a telegraph pole, dye
| mind
AYE. faith I do Mickey. IT'S fine
/ thing to have nolledge, so tits. But tell
me this. me lad. how long is the pole in
tirely?"
IT'S jest tin thousand miles long.
! father"
"Arrah, look a that, now! Tin thou
| sand miles! Oh MY Oh, my! Sure
didn't think twas that long, atall atall"
"Usha, thin. you're not the only wan
that didn't think so, father We see, this
| is the how of il, raysoning by sayduc-
| ton, as the wise min say. Ye musht
know that the earth is eight thousand
| miles thick through in the middle IL
the wise min were sayin' it they'd say
dinamiter of the globe, dye understand?
Am 1 maxim it plain to We, father?"
| Faith, ye are lad! Haven't l me swim
| small sinses wd mer'
well, thin, it's all the same as If We
were shown a hoe-hande through a head
o cabbage and Tavin a thousand mile o.
| handle stickin' out on aich side o. the
cabbage. The part that sticks out on
the wan side is the north pole and the
part that sticks out on the other side is
the south pole. And the whole world
nanny and billy and all, whether We be-
| lieve IT or no, is wherling around on that
| big pile, a thousand miles a second, like
a button on a nail"
Dye tell me, Mickey! and that's what
Silence taches. is IT! Bad luck to me.
but ia like t have the contract for Z be
frrneshing the aXle-grase a raysonable
price"
A host of stars winked slyly down at
Mr.. Finn as he slowly digested this mar
vellous Irish hypothesis. He emerged
from his trance of incredulity and wonder
| to inquire;
What is the pole made of, Mickey"
"Well, there's some O. thin thinks is
made of ice, bekase tbs that cold at both
inds o. the pole that the ears of an iron
| dog would drop off If he left the stove
while We be winkin. But If we were AKIN
my opinion, as is ignorant O. SCIENCES but
has common sinse, I'd say twas made of
safe metal"
Safe metal. is it? I've seen iron and
brass and steel, but divvil a wan o. me
ever heerd tell O. safe metal. What is its
like, Mickey"
why, father, it's the kind O. metal they
| make safes out Of
+ "D'ye tell me so 'avic! And what
makes we think they made the axle CT
| safe metal and not OF lce!'
"Bekase 'twould not melt by hate"
"Arrah, what nonsinse is this ye're say
in, Mickey! Amt we afther sayin' it's
so cold at the north pole that the tail
w'ud be frozen off the goat il he didnt
put it in his pocket?"
'"Troth, thin, I am, father. But, listen
Whin 1 open the fiood-gates o. me CLASH
cality I'll sweep ye away on the torrent
| o. my learned eloquince and"
You're right, Mickey" interrupted his
father admiringly. You wouldn't be get
ting down on your hunkers (haunches) to
amy o. thin that has eddicashun But
what was We tellin' me?'
"Well," resumed the youthful scientist.
with a grin of self-appreciation, yen
mind I was tellin' We that 'twhs cold at
the north pole and the south pole, but I
didn't tell We anything about the middle
o. the globe"
mo. We did not. Mickey; and what is it
like?"
whisper, father: It's hotter down there
than the door-knob o tormnt, so it's"
"God save us intirely Mickeyr' ex-
claimed his father crossing himself de-
voutly. 'Ye don't mean TO tell me"
IT name I tell ye," continued the boy,
| -