The herald., 1895-09-22
Some People Think That
lie Was Created to
Worry Folks
HE HAS GRIEVOUS TROUBLES
nj His Own, However, Between the
Whims OF Women, the Cussed.
ness OF Men, and the
Small Boy


company. If these people were street
car conductors they would not wonder.
Things look differently to the man on
the back platform who has a bell cord
and a cash register to look out for. He
does not make one trip day as the pas
senger does, and spend the rest of the
twenty-four hours having good time.
He has troubles Of his own.
They begin in the morning and slowly
increase until the conductor goes to bed
along about midnight. While other
workers are having that last delightful
snooze just before getting up the conduc-
tor is hurrying along in the uncertain
light of early morning, after a heavy
breakfast. making for the car barns. for
street cars are the first things to start to
work in Chicago. The conductor does
not like his job, but he has to get to the
barn at a certain minute or it will he all
off. He will be at Congress street SO far
as that DAVIS work is concerned. A horde
of eager substitutes who stay up all night
SO as to be on hand in the morning, are
at the barns before the regulars. and if
the conductor is not there at the minute
his run is to begin the substitute is as
signed to the car; he gayly jangles the
pell and away goes the car as the unfor-
tunate conductor comes up painting.
But even if he does not miss his car, If
he gets away with his coffee and things
in time to give his driver "all right"
for the first trip, the conductor doss not
have much Joy. Someone usually insists
on the privilege of smoking on the early
morning trips. 1t does not disturb him
to explain patiently that there are large
lot OF rules on the subject. He sits in the
front seat or anywhere else that he
chooses, and drawing a homework and
travel-stained pipe from some secret re-
cess, fills it with Scent tobacco and begins
disturbing the breakfasts of the men who
do not smoke and never cared to learn.
He Indignantly insists that as there are
no women on the car he is free to smoke
as much as he chooses, and when the
patient conductor points to a few signs in
the car he consigns the signs and the con-
ductor to the region where verybody
smokes. And he rides along for blocks
putting away at his pipe while other peo-
pie wonder why conductors are 80 ill
natured.
Women have been known to bother con-
ductors. They bother men in the world
and it can hardly be expected that street
car men would escape. but .tneifiattacks
on the conductors give such evidence of
malice, of premonltion, and are so UNI
versal and oft repeated that i. is wonder
any conductor ever marries. This hand
of the sex is raised against all conduc-
tors. If 1t would be raised when the
ladies want to get on car there would
be less trouble. but they expect the driver
or gripman to be a mind reader, and
after they have caught the car they blame
the conductor in shrill tones for the
shortcomings OF his driver in this regard.
Figures are not at hand as to the percent
age of street car conductors among the
insane, but it is safe to say that it is very
large, and that women are chiefly respon-
sible for all of it. A woman can live in
! big city for twenty years without learn
ing anything about street cars. There
are thousands of them in every city who
have not the slightest notion that cal
will stop only at the farther crossing.
Every day they go out and stand at the
wrong crossing, every day they have to
chase the car and then blame the I'M
happy conductor. Every day he tells
them about the rule, and they say:
well, it's mighty funny Which it is
not by any means. Paresis induced by
train containing about $50 people wait
until Mrs. Jigger makes Mrs. Niger
promise to come up next Sunday. must
make fearful inroads in the ranks OF con-
ductors. 1t is impossible to compute how
many conductors have been hurried to
untimely graves by women who insisted
on giving them pennies. which the COM
pany will not accept. and after riding
few blocks discovered that they were on
the wrong car and then demanded that
their fare be returned after the conductor
had rung it up. On these occasions the
lady informs the conductor that he Just
knew that was not the right car, but he
was too impudent and mean to tell her.
and she is just going down to the Office
to report him.
Statistics prove that heart disease is
very prevalent among conductors, and
there is no doubt that it is superinduced
by the desperate attempts of women to
commit suicide by getting off cable trains
backward and on the side where there is
another tram coming. Nothing seems to
give the average woman so much mad,
pulsing Joy ms 10 scare conductor out of
tivs misspent years by softly elm bling
down on the footboard of car when
other train is coming from the oppo-
site direction. The lady carefully turns
her back to this, and prepares to be scat
tered along the track II the conductor
makes bold to yell at her and thereby
saves her life, that she may do the same
thing next time, the indignant lady hon
ors him with glance filled with wither-
ing scorn and Other unpleasant commodi-
ties which woman can easily turn into
a iouhs EiOst ODJeCt 10 HuVlnS
ladies killed while alighting from their
cars, because while it removes the woman
and precludes the possibility of her
bothering the noXt conductor, the man
in charge OF the car has to make out
report and get the names of witnesses
and do lot of hothersome things.
And the small boy inherits his mo-
Tiers insane desire to have fun with the
conductor. There are several rules rela-
tive to htching on cars, and in addition
to the few other things he mas to do the
conductor is expected to enforce these
The boy does not worry about rules; he
wants a ride, and he generally gets it. If
he incidentally loses few legs his out
ragged parents arise in their indignation
and sue the company for $25. 900 and
usually get it. because the corporation
"did not exercise due diligence to pre-
vent the accident" The conductor is the
gentleman VINO has to exercise the dill
gence, and in doing so he gets a SPLEEN
did opportunity to exercise himself.
Chasing up and down a footboard after
half a dozen boys, jumping through be-
tween the seats end dropping off the Cur
now and then, is we'll calculated to bring
the flush of health and strength to the
sallow cheek of the conductor. And when
one of the boys does succeed in getting
under the car while trying to dodge the
conductor. that gentleman loses his job
and has to go to driving a brewery wagon.
When wise-looking man gets on and
looks narrowly at the number OF fares
registered and then begins counting the
passengers, and after that takes note OF