davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
COULDN'T Talk TO HIM.

The two deaf and dumb friends
stopped for few minutes conversa-
tion.
"What did your wife say about
your being out SO late last night?"
asked one of them.
Nothing"
"That's strange. What's the rea.
son2"
"She's got sore finger. Wash
ington Star.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
A TREMENDOUS DANGER.

'This is q very good story" said n
"reader" to a magazine editor, "and
] would recommend its acceptance but
for one thing
"Name your objection"
SIT is by an entirely unknown
writer, and 1 am afraid if it is pub
lished that he will be tempted to, tell
the world, in another article, how he
happened to write it."-Truth.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
AT THE SODA FouNT.

DR.. Pulser-"The action OF winking
is not without its use; people wink to
keep the eyeball moist"
Soda Water Clerk-"Not much they
DON'T The people who come in here
wink to keep their throats moist"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
THE COMING sTRuGGLE.

"One or the other of u.s." muttered
the young man who awaited his be-
loved in the front parlor, sis going to
be turned down tonight"
And he glanced ferociously at the
Pickering gas light. Puck.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
The VIVA Leltu,a a Comnnss.

1t is said that the wild lettuce is
zone of two well-marked compass
plants, and that it has tho property
of twisting its leaves until they point
straight upward, with the edges di-
rected north and south. New York
World
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
Labor of Ants.

South American ants have been
known to construct tunnel three
miles in length a labor for them
proportionate to that which would be
required for men to tunnel under the
Atlantic from New York to London. -
Chicago Times Herald.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
A RUDE SUGGESTION.

'Tt's strange how England hates to
let go of anything" said the man who
worries.
eyes replied the man of violent
prejudices; "the only thing that
country seems willing to drop is the
letter h. h."-Washington Star.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17

Tho Turks of New York City say
that the Sultan is tired of trying to
reform his empire, and means TO alb
dicate and give some other fellow
chance.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17

"Yes," said Mrs. Hunnimune, "she
seemed like very good-natured and
capable servant. But Icouldn't keep
her."
"Was the work too hard for her2"
"No. She said the place was just
to her liking in most respects. There
was only one objection"
"What was that?"
"My clothes wouldn't fit her.
Washington Star.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
A NIGHT IN TOWN.

WISH you would
run in town to-day
and attend to q lit
tie business for me
Dorothy. I've a
touch of the gout
myself, said m y
father, as we sat at
the breakfast table,
idling over our home
grown strawberries
and gloating over the
rich country cream.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
TIE PARENTAL VIEW.

Mr.. Solidman-"T "That young Chum-
ley is so soft you could run tallow
candle through him -
Mr.. "Tallow candle
Humph! You could throw q custard
pie through that fellow and not break
it. Life.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
HONEST.

"Are these berries just the same at
the bottom of the box as they are on
top?" asked Mrs. Hunuimune.
"Yes, indeed, 'm," replied the ven
dor.
And he told the truth. The box
was only one layer of berries deep
Washington Star.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17

He lat 11.3O p. m.)--"Are you ever
troubled with insomnia?"
She (wearily)-"Yes, very often"
He-'T have heard that walking
in the open air before retiring is bene-
ficial,"
She (hopefullyl-"Let's try it
You do the walking and I'll retire. -
Life.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17

1t is stated as an INTEREST," ng socio.
logical fact that in London out of 100
widowers who marry again twelve
marry their housekeepers.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
EFFECT OF CoLoRING,

Williamson-"They say hair grows
after one dies. F."
Henderson-"That's very strange.
My doctor says that's what made mine
come out. Life.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS,

It Seldom Fails-Enect of Colorlng-
At the Soda Fount-A Rude Sug-
gestion-TalIen Up, Etc, Etc.
In order to reduce his weight
He purchased him a wheel
Before he'd ridden It week
He fell off a good deal.
Kansas City Journal
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17

The cost Of becoming a naturalized
EnRlishman is about $50.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
The remainder OF the world owes
Great Britain over $40, ,00o, OjOO, 900.

Within year Now Jersey lost four
ex-Governors-Bedle, Abbott, Prico
and Green.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
BRIGHT BITS.

His knowledge of nglish.-Eckstein:
Dot Teller vat vas goin to start at der
same time We does mean to call his blaze
her halluf-rate store.
Epstein-Nell. We go him a few better.
We will call ours der fourth-rate store.
And it was done.-Indanapolis Journal
"A Sign.-"I am sure l do not feel a day
older than / did when | came out" said
Miss Sevenseasons, land / didn't think l
looked any older. But of late 1 have no.
ticed that the young men who are having
trouble with their sweethearts all seem
to drift to me to tell their SORROWS -
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Critic She Feared-Mrs. Newritch-
Henry, you gave yourself away badly at
the dinner table tonight Do you know
you were actually eating with your knife?
Mr.. Newritch-No; was 1, though? 1
hope none of our guests noticed it?
Mrs. Newritch-Oh, l don't care so much
about them-but our English butler did
Puck
Commercial Item.-Moses Schaumburg
Ito his son Jakey); How many vas twice
two, Jakey? =if r
Jakey: Tervice two ish six.
You vas wrong Jakey. Six vas too
Don't 1 know dot, fader, already some
times ago. But l shoost said six so dot
you could chew me down to four."-TeX-
as Sftings.
-Fellaire Formerly Rusty Rufus: You
here TO borrow money again? | thought
you had a job as conductor on the North
Side street cars.
Applicant: l had. sir, but 1 resigned
at the end of the first day. l was the
only conductor on the line who pro-
nounced the name of Goethe street cor
rectly, and / couldn't endure the noto-
riety.-Chicago Tribune.
Revenge Beforehand-"Just as I expect
ed" said the struggling young genius,
opening letter from the editor; He
says my poem is very good and he ac-
cepts it, but under the circumstances
he does not feel justified in allowing
more than 81 for it, which sum he 'begs
to inclose.' When he finds out it's an
acrostic conveying the statement that the
editor is stingy old cuss he won't think
he got that poem so blamed cheap after
all, gol-ding him!'-Chicago Tribune.
"A Provident Suitor-'T am afraid >
said the girls father. that Harold wiz
not be much of a success in life
He seems very prudent and farsee-
ing"
I'm what way?'
He said if we were to marry he
was sure that there was no reason why
our lives should ever know want
Him. What makes him so sure?'
He said he had looked up your rat
ing in the commercial agencies. Wash
ington Star.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
Is Ii Good PoIItiesr

II will be noticed that in the proposed
changes in the committees OF the Senate.
published in our dispatches yeterday. all
the populists are well taken care OF. This
indicates that an understanding between
the republicans and populists has been
reached so far as the reorganization Of
the Senate is concerned. For the sake
of getting control Of the little patronage
the Senate has the republicans have
made an alliance with the Is TO / silver
ites-an alliance which gives the control
of the finance committee to the silver
ties. There cannot. therefore. be any
financial legislation by this congress to
which the silverites do not consent.
The great majority of the republicans
are opposed TO the free and unlimited
coinage of silver. It looks therefore as
if the republican senators. for the sake Of
controlling a few Offices, had sold out
their principles.
As matter of fact the republican par
ty is responsible for the financial troubles
Of the government. That party put the
greenbacks into the currency and author
lied the issue of treasury notes. In fact.
it is the author of all the bad financial
legislation from which the country suf-
fers.
There ought to be financial legislation
at once. The gold reserve as shown by
our dispatches yesterday is below
S73,000,O00 and if it falls much
lower an issue of bonds will
become absolutely necessary to prevent
grave financial disturbances, but with a
finance committee that has a majority
for free silver coinage such legislation
is impossible without making dangerous
concessions to silver. Clearly the repub-
hcan party sets great store by a few
petty offices. The republican senators
would have acted with greater wisdom if
they had arranged to have sound money
men in control of the finance commit
tee. The combination they have made
with the populists will do their party no
good in the presidential campaign. 1t
ought to convince the people that the
republican party is not a party to be
trusted
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
There Was no Second verse.

The occasion was one of the semi-musi-
cal Sunday evenings, which we all know
well, says the New York Herald. Mrs
Dash had attended from genuine love for
the hostess, but young Mr.. Herbert Dash
her son, was there only out of filial re-
spect and an ardent desire to please his
mamma.
The host was a musical devotee, but
made the unfortunate and familiar mis-
take of oVerrating his own voice and its
power to please.
Young Mr.. Dash had done all that the
strictest adherent to good form could ask.
He had listened and he had applauded
until finally, finding himself tete-a-tete
on the sofa with charming Miss Blank
he yielded to natural impulses and listen
ed to the music of her voice rather than
to that which came from the piano. In
his own mind he had become convinced
that in truth virtue is its own reward
had perYaded his very soul. Satisfaction
beamed from his eyes. Miss Blank s
power of repartee kept him constantly
on the alert He dearly loved a CONVEX
sationalist who was witty in an honest
wholesome way. In their secluded cor
ner he felt no remorSe at enjoying the
good things the gods had sent. The group
about the piano were not disturbed, and
the semi-contdential attitude, consequent
upon the subdued tones, lent an addition
al charm. All was peaceful as a sum-
mer's dream.
Suddenly there was a Iul. The voice
at the piano ceased. Those near by MUIR
INJURED their applause. Mr.. Dash looked
up, paused a moment in his chat. clapped
in the subdued fashion appropriate to
Sunday night, and exclaimed, Charm
ingi Excellent! My dear sir, could you
not give us the second verse;"
Instead of the expected eager response
and the consequent renewal of the music
under cover of which the confidence
might also be renewed, silence fell upon
the entireg roup. Presently a voice arose
Herbert" said Mrs. Dash, that was the
Lord s PRAYER
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
Personal.

Emperor William Of Germany recently
gave a new proof of his versatility at his
snootlng-boX at LetZlingen. large COM
p1ny had assembled after dinner one day,
When the emperor took roll of manu-
SCRIPT from his pocket and read poem he
had just composed. 1t is needless to say
that his guests were loud in their praise
of his effort.
"A great relief is felt in certain En-
gllsh circles at the denial made by Lord
Rosebery that he is writing a political
noNel. when the rumor that he was in
Gulglng IN realistic fiction as vent TO
MS ONerwrOught feelings hrst obtained
vogue a good many people in England
wondered if his shafts of sarcasm would
penetrate their armOr.
Queen Victoria is greatly interested
IN the Ashantee expedition, and also
IN Barney BarnatOs Kaffir booms. She
has ordered the colonial Office to keep
her informed of the latest developments
IN these matters. and, according to the
New YORK World, English radicals are
now wondering if the old lady is specula-
Jng IN African securities.
According to gossip in St. Petersburg
the Emperor and Empress of Russia are
delighted that their first child is a girl
1t is said that upon being congratulated
by one OF the court chamberlains the
car said: The cZarina and l are re-
1olced to have a daughter. The child is
ours, and ours only; had we had son he
would have belonged to all Russia
Gen. Daniel Butterheld, whose country
home is at Cold Spring, n. Y, has offered
as a gift, through the village improve
ment association of that place, a hand
some tablet, to bear the following in
scription: General Washington, in fire.
quent visits to the American troops en-
camped nearby during the war of the rev.
olution, drank at this spring and gave it
its name-Cold Spring"
The late Alexandra Dumas, fills. was
a firm believer in woman's rights. is
1t not absurd he said, that Joan Of
Arc, if now among US. could not serve
as a witness of the birth of a neighbor's
child or vote for town cOunciivr in any
part of the fair France she saved? France
was proud of De Sevigne. De Stael and
Georges Sand, but refused them the civil
and political rights exercised by their
~
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
MIR. duBienon's speech.
From the Washington CGa.) Gazette Dem

Those who heard him said he was evil
IDENTITY too sick TO be there so that he
could not of course. do himself full JUS
tice But his speech does not need any
apology. IL has the ring of a man of both
eloquence and ability In IL. Georgia has a
Hin were equal 10 any OF their fellows
in that body. We believe that Fleming du-
Bignon would not discredit them. Then
money. as ala Toombs and HIN. Mr. du-
Bignon Will be heard from again before
the senatorship is decided A. present. we
best prospect, the Hoke Smith men should
bc ready % vote for duifiKnon, or the du-
Eignon men for H0ke Smith as the case
- become partisan ana against either
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
The Mitch-Dnnce.

Harriet Prescott Spofford, in Harper's
Bazaar.
When from the underworld the light
Shot through the dead and flying leaves
saw witch-dance, where the corn
Stood stacked in half a hundred sheaves.
Their tatters streaming on the wind.
They bowed, they bent, they turned, they
tost;
They trembled with an aguish chill,
Withered and shriveled in the frost.
Nodding in rhythmic time and tune.
What unsung slaves perchance they
heard,
What strange phrase muttered, all the
while
With wild and silent laughter stirred!
When happily a hurrying troop,
AS if one wound some fairy horn
Out of the shadow rose, and then
Went dancing with the stocks of corn.
Each little figure waved her scarf.
A score of airy fairy flags;
Each corn-stook curtisied. turn by turn.
Rustling her old and silken rags.
They capered here. they capered there.
Balanced to partners, tripped and twirl-
Now stately as a saraband.
Now a mad tarantella whirled.
So dark. so weird, so hooking. these.
Things out of ED, so sweet SO dear.
So innocent the fairy folk
one shivered half 10 see them near.
When suddenly the last light fell
A sad wind moaned through signing
sheaVes.
The witch-dance vanlshed-homewar
The children seuming through the
leaves.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18

England is taking more OF American
fruits every year. Last Saturday "a
barrels Of American apples were sold in
London. California and Florida oranges
have found favor in the London market,
and New York dispatch Of recent date
said that American watermelons would be
sent to England in cool storage next sea
son. The probabilities are that Georgia
peaches and pears viii go TO England in
large quantities before many years.
1t is to be presumed that Congressman
Sauerherring Of Wisconsin will be placed
upon the committee on fisheries.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
Animal Food.

Feeling the need Of medicine the other
day, says the Portland Express Pat
applied 10 a doctor with whom he was ac-
quainted. Medicus asked the symptoms,
felt the pulse, examined the tongue, and
did whatever else professional etiquette
demanded Then he said:
Patrick, you're run down a bit, that's
all. What you need is animal food"
And Pat departed quite cOntented.
About two days afterWard the doctor
happened 10 think of his case and called
on Pat in the stable.
We'll, Pat" said he, "hOw are you get
ting on with the treatment"
"Oh, sure, sir" said Pat. "Oi mana ge
all right with the grain and oats; but il s
dOmmed har-rd with the chopped hay."
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
Barrett OF Massachusetts.

The Massachusetts people tell a story
to illustrate the modest disposition of Mr..
Barrett, who offered the resolution of i'm
parchment against Mr.. Bayard the other
day, says the Chicago Record. He has al
ways had political aspirations, and has
several times attempted to be a rival of
Senator Lodge, who lives in the same dis
trict. While Mr.. Lodge was in the Mass
achusetts legislature Barrett tried TO run
MIN out, and became SO annoying that
Mr.. Lodge attempted TO quiet him with
promises of future preferment.
Now, Barrett" he said one day, IF
you viii be reasonable and not antagoniZe
my nomination, 1 will do everything l
can to send you to congress"
Senate or House2" inquired Barrett.
Mr.. Lodge nearly tainted at the young
to fill a seat in the Senate yet.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
he Practical
Side of Xmas,

Appropriate and beautiful gifts
may be selected from our splendid
stOck-gifts that will be useful, ac-
ceptable and pleasing. The whole
store has a holiday air and the prices
have been made to meet the demand
for the fullest value at the least ex-
penditure. Below we present n few
Christmas suggestions. A visit to the
store will repay and interest you.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
False Statements and MIsrepr..
tatfOns.

Corruption does not exist in noli,;..
alone. The time was when people w..
shocked TO hear that such conditions ~.
vailed in politics, but worse than all eIsa
is the fact that this evil should be CART
into the drug business aud the sic, =
made to suffer in Consequence thereof
For various reasons dealers allow tbo--
selves to be persuaded to stock IN md
cines of all sorts, to be sold TO the sic:- -
the representation that they are inst 80
same as Simmons Liver Regulator
greater outrage has not been perpetra,.,,
upon the people. This has been the exns
rience of many who have been duned h..
these false statements. Take only IT,
Old Friend. Simmons Liver Regulate
with the Red 4 on every package. ana
you'll get the medicine that did the ola
folks so much good IN bygone days. Il bs,
been kept up as their inheritance To thu
present generation.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
The Prize Fighter Congress.

The gossip in relation to the committee
assignments revived an old but good story
among some of the old House members,
says the Washington Post. 1t relates to
the time when John MOrrisSey, the ex-
pugilist became a member of the House
from New York. ColfaX was speaker. The
time was just after the organization of
the House when there was endless talk
about the distribution of the committee
places. Every member, new and old, was
on the qui Vive regarding the probable
character of his assignment.
One morning, few days before the com
mittees We're announced, Morrissey went
to the speakers room with box, care
fully wrapped in paper, under his arm. In
a dihident way he approached the speak
er, and, lowering his voice almost to a
whisper. he said:
Mr.. Speaker, I've brought you a box
of cigars. l want you to do me a favor"
We'll, sir?" said ColfaX, suspecting that
the retired prize fighter, the conquerer
of Keenan, had come to talk about a COM
mittee place for himself. and rather fear
full he would ask for the craftsmanship of
the committee on appropriations, '1et me
know what it is"
We'll, sir said Morrissey, with a good
deal of hesitation in his manner, Il want
to ask you to put me a the foot of the
smallest committee in the House, where
l II have nothing to do or say"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
Attracted By a Mirror.

mirror is to most women, says the
Chicago Times-Herald, what a razor is
to most men-an indispensable adjunct of
the toilet-and though the razor has been
relegated to the possession of the colored
brother the pocket mirror finds place in
the vest pocket of every well-equipped So
ciety beau-purely, of course, for the ac-
About Town was forcibly impressed the
other day with the high esteem in which
a woman holds her mirror, by the des-
perate means some women resort to when
needing a reflection. The darkey employ
ed at the Laclede Bank was busily en-
gagged in polishing the brass signs of the
institution. He rubbed and secured and
frightened and wiped until the perspira-
ton stood out upon the black marble of
his brow, Notwithstanding the day was
chilly in the extreme. He finished his
task with a sigh of satisfaction, gathered
up the utensils he had employed and dis
appeared into the bank just as three la
dies turned the corner on a semigallop
to catch cable train which had already
reached Broadway.
Strange to say, they made no attempt to
stop the train. The bright convex brass
surface, glistening in the occasional burst
of sunshine, focused their attention, and
in just three seconds the group were
busily engaged in front of it arranging
their bangs, putting on little dabs of pow
der where they would do the most good
with a powder-rag, and in sundry and
divers ways finishing their toilets. Il was
an exhilarating spectacle and was huge
~ enjoyed by the dudes lettering in the
vicinity. The Man About Town is firmly
convinced that a retailer could attract at
tention in no way better that by exposing
a French mirror in some conspicuous po-
sition where 1T could be available for use.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-18
shoot Higher.
From the Augusta Chronicle Oem).

If the republicans want a climax of bum
combe humbuggery why don't some one
introduce resolutions to impeach the Pres
ident for going duck hunting at this time
There would be just about as much prob
ability of passing this resolution as the
Bayard resolution. If republicans are
seeking notoriety they should remember
there is always room at the top, and he
shoots too low who aims beneath the stars.