The National tribune., 1895-07-18
TPIBUNETS.


~.
How queerly things turn out in this world.
Hero is the daughter Of the ultra-pious Elliott
f. Shepherd, and heiress of large part Of the
millions of the YanderbiIts, marrying the son
of the King of the Louisiana Lottery.
80
Tho New Woman may come, but she will
never displace from public regard the Old Man
with lots of hard sense aud still harder dollars
Even an Englishmsn is occasionally witty
In London they are calling VIM. C. Whitney
His Oil Highnessn
| The Ancient Order of Hibernians of San
Francisco made the great mistake OF their
lives in refusing to parade in the Fourth Of July
| celebration because of the order against carry
| ing any other flags than the Star.Spangled
Banner. They have had chance to think it
| over since. assisted by some good advice from
their fellow-citizens, and they probably will
| not do so foolish thing again.
This eternal question Of clothes. Mr. 8. T.
SEE, Of the Chinese Legation in Washing ton, is
ans wheel because of his flowing robes.
In Europe as here the brewery owners are
the real nabobs. The biggest income tax on
the Continent is paid By a Bucharest brewer.
-
The Secretary of State follows the example
of the English aristocracy in giving 8 pro-
nunciation to his name differing from that sug-
gested by its spelling. He calls himself On n.y."
There are many thousands Of the family in the
country, however, who will continue to call
themselves "Awl-ny," and probably they have
quite as good an opinion of themselves as the
Secretary has of himself
There are three post-ofices in the country
named Purity: in Reno Co.. Kan. Carver Co.,
Mimi; and in Licking Co., o. Probably
Police Gazettes and that class of literature are
sternly refused admission to those Offices.
Charles Dudley Warner says that the differ
ence between faith cure and mind cure is. that
mind cure requires no faith and faith cure re-
quires no mind.
A sign put in the Philadelphia trolley cars
q few days ago requests passengers to remain
seated until the car stops and then get off in
the direction the car is moving"
It is noticed that the man who is always tell
ing what he would have done if he had been
there never gets there.
81.
Theoretically we are all opposed to the CAPT.
talists, and in favor of the laboring man. Prac-
tically we are all trying to become capitalists
aud to cease TO be laboring men. We want to
quit the ranks of our friends and break our
way into those of our alleged enemies.
A witty lady says that the difference be-
tween Universalist and Unitarian is that
the UniversaIst thinks that God is toe good
to damn him. while Unitarian thinks he is
too good for God to damn.
Judge (thundering): l decide, sir, that you
are guilty of contempt of court.
Lawyer: That's the first decision / ever
heard of yours that did not furnish grounds
for appeal.
President Theodore Roosevelt caught police
man reading New York paper while on duty,
and promptly suspended him. If the paper
was the Times or the Erening Post q severer
punishment would have been to compel him to
keep ON reading it.
The dampest place in the United States is
Mobile, which has an annual rainfall of GAL
inches, or nearly twice as much as Chicago.
=. Il n I'll H. l-sna -. =
Yuma, Ariz., with an annual rainfall of 33
inches.
HER FIRST THOUGHT.
Doctor: Madam. much regret to say that
your husband has appendicitis.
Wife: Now know where all my raisins have
gone.-Truth.
If Harvey, the author of Coins School,"
gets a liberal royalty on the sale of his book,
which has been enormous, he has at last struck
something which win achieve the darling OBJ
iect of his life: to live without the necessity
of regular industry. This champion of Ia
boz" first appeared before the public as the
promoter of windy boom In real estate around
Pueblo, Colo When that fiattened out he tried
to get up a MardiGras scheme. into which he
induced number of confiding people to put
money that benefited nobody but "Prof." Har-
vey. Next he concluded that there was more
money in reforming the National finances, and
here he managed to strike something rich.
ssa
The New York Sun has found new fault in
Mayor Strong. He chews tobacco, which the
Sun deuonnces as q filthy habit, which should
be reegated to car-driyers, longshoremen, and
the public" The filthiness depends largely on
the chewer. Many men can chew tobacco with
no more offense to those around than II IL
were spruce gum. Tobacco only enables
naturally nasty man to make his nastlness more
apparent and Objectionable.
"a
indianapolis Journal: Watts-Whats the
latest from Cuban
Potts-The insurgents are about 10 kilograms
ahead believe.