davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
HAVING FUN WITH THE DOCTOR
fhe Funny Fellow Gets 1t in the Neck for
.. His Little Joke.

fhe Funny Fellow Gets 1t in the Neck for
. His Little Joke.
The other morning, as a belated
member of the Owl club was steering
home through the dense fog, which the
writer is reliably informed hangs over
the city at three a. M, he passed the
house of a well-known physician. The
vestibule of this residence was open
and on it's side the dim rays of the
moon, struggling through the gloom
produced by the efforts of the city gas
company, disclosed the mouth of an
acoustic tube, underneath which was
the inscription, whistle for DR..
Potts"
Not wishing to be disobligin G about
50 small a matter, the owl stumbled
tip the steps, and steadying himself
against the wall, blew into the pipe
with all the strength of his lungs.
The physician, who was awakened
by the resultant shrill whistle near his
head, arose, and after wondering at
the singular odor of whisky in the
shouted: "Well?'
Glad to know you're we'll" was the
reply; ''but. being a '~"+or I s'nose
you can keep well at cost price, can't
you?"
What do you want?" said the mar
of pills, not caring to joke in the airy
nothing of his nightgown.
WELL" said the party at the other
end of the tube, after a few moments
mobilization ttHl h., 4ho -o, oro
young Potts or old Potts?"
81 am DIR. Potts. There is no young
Potts"
Not dead, l hope?"
There never was any. l have nc
son.''
''Then you are young Potts and old
Potts, too. Dear, dear, how singular
What do you want?' snapped the
doctor, who was beginning to feel as
though his legs were a pair of elon.
gated ~icicles.
You know old Mrs. Peavine: who
ives in the next block??"
Eyes. Is she sick? What's the mat.
:ero?'
"Do you know her nephew, too--Bill
Briggs??"
Eyes. Well?"
We'll, he went up to Bridgeport
,hooting, this morning, and"
'And he had an accident? Hold up
minute. I'll be right down.
mo, he's all right; but he got sixty
,wo ducks-eighteen of 'em mallards.
[ thought you might like to hear it,
And the joker hung on to the nozzle
ind laughed like a hyena digging up a
cat missionary. II say" came down
from the exasperated NJ. D., that's a
jolly good joke, my friend. Won't you
take something's"
"What?' said the surprised humor.
st, pausing for breath.
why, take something. Take this"
And before the disguised funny man
could withdraw his mouth, a hastily
compounded mixture of ink, ipecac,
md a%safoetida squirted from the pipe
Ind deluged him from head to foot,
about a pint monopolizing his shirt
front and collar.
And while he danced frantically
.round, sponging himself off with his
handkerchief. and swearing like a
pirate in the last act, he could hear an
nigel voice from above sweetly MUIR
nur:
"Have some more? No? Well, good
night. Come again soon, you funny
log. you. By-bye louisville Medi.
cal News.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
saving Her Husband.

An incident highly creditable to
Kafr womanhood is told by an English.
man who hunted the big game OF
South Africa. At Mabotse the women,
as is their custom, were working in the
felds-for they hoe, and the men sew
and a young man standing by the
edge of the brush was chatting with
them. A lioness sprang or him and
raj carrying him off, when n of the
women-the mans wife, as afterward
appeared-ran after her, and catching
her by the tail, was dragged for some
little distance. Hampered with the
man in her mouth and the woman be-
hind her, the lioness slackened her
pace, %whereupon her assailant strad-
died over her back and hit her across
the nose and head with a short-handled
hoe till she drop ped her prey and skunk
into cover.-Youth's Companion.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
His OccupatiOn.

A Negro was on the witness stand
one of the old-fashioned kind, not i'm.
putent, but plain-speaking. The law
yer got along fairly well until he
asked the witness what his occupation
was.
Use a carpenter, sir"
"What kind of a carpenter"
'They calls me a iack-leg carpenter,
sab"
"What is a jack-leg carpenter"
Hes a carpenter who is not a first.
class carpenter, sah."
"Well, explain fully what you under.
stand a jack-leg carpenter to be-" in
sisted the lawyer.
BOSS, l declar' l dunno how ter
'splain any mo 'cept to say hit am jes
de same diffunce 'twixt you an er
f~ust-class lawyer."-Youth's Compan.
ion.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
rhe Tax Question In Scotland.

Sir Charles Cameron, M. p, for the
College Division of Glasgow, says: II
have always held that if a man holds
ground vacant for the purpose of OBJ
tanning some prospective increase in
value, it was polite that he should be
heavily taxed-it was politic that he
should be encouraged as soon as pos
sible, to put his ground into the mar
ket and open it for the accommodation
of the public" HE did not see why
vacant ground-ground held vacant
for the purpose Of the unearned incre-
ment-whether it were in the center
Of the city or in the surrounding neigh
borhood-he did not . why a very
smart tax should not under the new
board be imposed upon such proper
ties" &
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
TAX REFORM STUDIES
EDITED BY BOLTON HALF.
An Qpen CaluinA.

II any one has All impression that
III ~iahication S to these "stndiesh
VIII not be published unlecs thew oh.
the eaiter's ideas, he is mistaken
Articles on any side of the ones+;o,
M always be welcome, SO they are
uesent' well written, within reason.
aoae limits and to the point, except
'hat we do not discuss the tariff.
Land owners especially should be
Interested as tho principle benefit Of
any improvement or social advance
goes to them in the increase of valne
gwen to land. Address this Office. ~
e. " BOX So, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

Suppression BY Bounties instead @ ~
Taxes.
Ia Goodhue county, Mimi, they nao
bounty ON gophers. fifty cents Tor
eyery tail. The little beasts are very
obstructive. When I went out there I
~ ali these little things running
around. / thought they were chip
mncks. and / said, Look at all those
little chipmunks running about with
ant any tails" "Yes. my wagon
dr;ver said, ..they have 9 bounty OF
sftv cents On every gopher's tail. The
hars catch Them and cut oil their tails
4 ret the bounty snd then let them
% q q = breed more gophers'
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
A Sarcaetic Woman.

Charlie Knickerbocker-I tell you,
Dur club room is going to be fixed up
6ne. It's going to have all the home
comforts.
Mrs. Knickerbocker with q sneerlE
And when is our home to have all The
Hub eomferts9-Texas siftings
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
Deafness Cannot DO Cured

by local applications, as they cannot reach
thediseased portion of the ear. There is only
one way to cure Deafness, and that :. bycon-
stitutional remedies. Deafness iscaused by
an infamed condition of the mucous lining
of the Eustachian Tube. When this tube
gets infamed you have arumbling sound or
imperfect hearing, and when it is entirely
closed Deafness is the result, and unless the
Inflammation can be taken out and this tube
restoredt to its normal condition, hearing will
be destroyed forever; nine cases out of ten
are caused by catarrh, which is nothing but
an inflame1 condition of the mucous sur
faces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case of Deafness caused by catarrh) that
cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
Send for circulars, free.
F. J. CHENEY & Co., Toledo, O.
tn Sold by Druggists, 73c.
Halls Family Pills, 25 cents.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
This Means Business.

On the principal lines of the Chicago,
Milwaukee Il st. Pau railway passenger
trains are electric lighted, steam heated and
modern appliances, railway travelling at
high speeds has reached a degree of safety
heretofore unknown and not attainable on
roads where they are not in use. Electric
lights and steam heat make it possible to
dispense with the oil lamp and the car
stove. Block signals have reduced the
chances for collisions to the minimum by
maintaining an absolute interval of space
between trains.
"MBs. TROUT, why do you look so down
in the gills!' s'Trout, my dear, l can't help
worrying when I remember that it's most
fly time again."-N. Y. Recorder.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
Crime.

II suppose you see all sorts of people
in the curse of a days run?" said the
observant man to the trainboy as he
bought a package of wintergreen chew
ing gum.
You bet!' said the boy, after the
manner of his kind, 'look acrost the
way there at that woman a-cryin' over
sUnluckily Married; or, The Doom of
Mary Jane When she come on the car
this mornin' she were as pretty as a
wax fgger, all red an white. Since
she's been a-readin' that novel she's
cried till her face is all streaked and
striped; the paints run 80 she looks
Jest like q zebry."
And the youth walked on, leaving
the observant man in deep thought
Detroit Free Press.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
~ Sold by Druggists, 73c.
Halls Family Pills, Is cents.

as YOUR husband out of politics?' asked
the visitor. "Yes,'' replied the wife of the
ex-statesman, 81 think he must be. Every
time l mention an election he says he's not
in 1t. "-Washington Star.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
Artificial violets in Bad Taste.

It is in atrocious taste to wear arti-
fetal violets pinned on the front of
ones coat or on the muf, but it is done
all the same by a great many women,
who ought to know better, as well as
by those whose sensibilities are a trife
blunted where refinement OF taste is
concerned. Some v go so far as to
sprinkle their ten-cent punches OF pur-
pie muslin blossoms with vio1et water
Or other extract to heighten the illu-
sion. AS if anybody with a ghost of
an olfactory nerve could mistake eau
de cologne for the matchless perfume
Of the genuine English violet.-Phila-
aelphia Press.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

WHEN lovers hang over the gate there is a
good deal to be said on both sides before
they quit.-Texas Siftings.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

PIso's CURE cured me of a Throat and
Lung trouble of three years. standing.-E.
CADY, Huntington, Ind, Nov. II, 1894.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
KNOWLEDGE

Brings comfort and improvement and
tends to personal enjoyment when
rightly used. The many, who live bet
ter than others and enjoy life more, with
less expenditure, by moro promptly
adapting the worlds best products to
the needs of physical being, will attest
the value to health of the pure liquid
laxative principles embraced in the
remedy, Syrup Of Figs.
Its excellence is due to its presenting
in the form most acceptable and pleas
ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly
beneficial properties of a perfect lax
alive; efectually cleansing the system,
dispelling colds, headaches and fevers
and permanently curing constipation;
1t has given satisfaction to millions and
met with the approval of the medical
profession, because it acts on the Kid
neys, Liver and Bowels without weak
ening them and it is perfectly free from
every Objectionable substance.
Syrup of Figs is for sale by all drug.
gists in Soc and 81 bottles, but it is man
ufactured by the California Fig Syrup
Co. only, whose name is printed on every
package, also the name, Syrup of Figs,
and being we'll informed, you will not
accept any substitute if offered.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

There are two orders OF Plus. ons
established by the fourth. and tbs
other By toe ninth pope Of thai naaaA.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

"YoUNG man, don't you know you ought
to lay something by for a rainy dayF *
do; my rubbers."-N Y. Recorder.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

"PAPA gave me two pennies to put in the
plate in church, DO YOU know who those
pennies were fora" Course l do; for the
organ man. / heard the music Judge.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
E1em7.,ne small Ham.. E,.,. ....,1..

Exem5sssaE Small Homea From Yaxs liar.
10 the Editor of the Examiner--Sir:
u IS currently stated that the stats
League OF Loan associations will urge
a measure in the legislature ''to ex-
empt all homes not exceeding 80, 600 in
valuation from taxation for state pur.
poses"
That probably is not an exact state
ment OF the purposes of the league. AS
stated it would give rise to very un-
equal taxation, for, if the value exceed
the limit however little, the whole
would be subject to taxation. The in
tention, doubtless. is to o an
exemption of So, 600 in value from all
homesteads But the proposition
should be more explicit still. Tho
state constitution requires land values
and improvement values to be separ
ately assessed; therefore it should be
expressly stated whether the ex-
emption shall be taken from the land
value or the improvement value. or
from the sum of both. There is strong
reason for not making any exemption
from the land values. The exclusive
use OF valuable land is a special
privilege, however used, whether
for homestead or other purposes,
and the value of the privilege should
be taxed into the public treasury in
virtue of its being due to the pres
ence and industrial activities of the
whole community and not to anything
tFc' owner may do. With improve
meng the case is quite the reverse. In
them there is no special privilege.
The. are the result of individual labor
andsffor that reason should not be
taxed.
is obvious also that the exemption
should not be taken out of the sura of
the values, for then it would come in
part from land values of homesteads
and to that extent would leave the spe-
cial privilege untaxed. BY all means
let there be a $1,000 exemption of
homesteads from taxation, but let it be
expressly for improvements. Untax-
ing improvements will make it easier
to erect h~omesteads; taxing land up to
its full rental value will make it easier
for the landless to get land for home
steads. JAMES s, REYNOLDS.
San Francisco, January 3.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

AN apology is merely an humble appeal to
yanitY.-Galveston News.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

sI'M sorry, Mr.. T~impany,' said the lead
er of the brass band to the bass drummer,
but we shall have to dispense with your
services" "Why?" "Why! You ask me
why? A man who has grown so fat that he
can no longer hit the middle Of the drum
asks me why!'-N. Y. Journal.
GoD writes the Gospel not in the Bible
alone, but on trees and flowers, and clouds,
and stars.-Luther.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
Could See VERY Well,

Gould See Very Well.
Mother (angrily)-Why didn't you
come in when l called you?
Johnny-I'm comm.
Eyes, you're coming now; but l called
and called. and you didn't bulge till
you saw me at the door with a switch
in my hand"
well my earsight is sort O. weak
to-day, but my eyesight is all right"
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25
From q Man Who Does Not Understand
the Law Of Economic Rent.

From a Man Who Does Not Understand
the Law of Economic Rent.
NORRIsTowN, Pa.-Editor Tax Reform
Sir: You say:
eff the rent of the land really be-
longs to the individual, of course 1t Is
robbery for the community to take it
without his consent, whether for taxes
or anything else"
But, even if it be admitted that the
rent of the land does not belong to the
individual, this does not settle the
question whether the community
should tax this rental away. The COM
munity ought not to force any one to
give up wealth that he has in his hand
unless there is no better way to set
matters right. Single takers err in
resorting to such high-handed a meas
ure as entering upon an individuals
premises and taking by force wealth
that came into his possession through
government titles to land, which are
a part of the single tax philos-
ophy. Titles limited to oc-
cupancy and highest use as de-
termined by free juries are not a part
of single taxism. It is the title that
brings monopoly rental value into the
hands of individuals. How could any
considerable unearned increment be
reaped if land could not be withheld
from occupancy and highest use? How
quickly the site value of New York
and Chicago would drop to about
nothing if the single takers notion of
titles did not prevent men of "brain
and Drawn" from working up new site
values! When the valuable sites all
get into fair competition, what a tum-
BILE in site value! Did not Duluth tend
to reduce land values in Chicago?
When the majority in the commun-
ity stop turning the constant flow of
the wealth Of others into the hands of
landholders, there will be no apprecia-
BILE land values to be taxed.
EDGAR D. BRINKERHoFF.
The editor thinks that the growth OF
population in Duluth was not at the
expense of the rest of the country,
and that production in other places
tends, by free exchange of products, to
make life easier in Chicago and there
fore to increase Chicago land values.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-05-25

Haskell Flats, N. y.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1895-12-05
NO Avoid Arrest

Cincinnati, Dec. 4.-Charles Willier,
bookkeeper of the Cincinnati Abattoir
company, committed suicide to-day to
prevent arrest for embezzling several
thousand dollars from his employers.
He absconded with $4,000 from the
safe six weeks ago, and took woman
with him to Chicago, leaving his wife
and five children. Becoming recon
ciled with his family he had come
home quietly to take them with him
to Chicago. The woman with whom
he had eloped, in a fit Of jealousy,
gave the tip to the officers. When
they surrounded his house he escaped
to the garnet and shot himself through
the heart.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1895-12-05
|VOSBJJRG THE MAN.
THE NOTORIOUS BANK THIEF MAKES
A CONFESSION.
He Declares That He Aided the
Three Postoffice Robbers to Es-
cape From the Ludlow Street
Jail = While Disguised as q
Preacher He Talked With Them
for Hours and Gave Them Re.
VOlvcrs.

New York, Dec. 4.-The World to-
morrow will say: The trial of Sheriff
Edward H. Tampsen on the indict-
ment found against him last August,
alleging carelessness and incompe-
tency in allowing the three postoftice
burglars Russell and Allen
to escape from Ludlow street jail,
will begin to-day.
The district attorney has obtained
the confession of a man who aided and
ubetted in the escape Of the three pris-
oners. This man-Bill Vosburg, the
notorious bank thief-in order to save
himself from dying in felons cell,
has unfolded the whole history Of the
escape of the burglars from the I1ud-
low street Jail, and other circum-
stances leading up thereto.
Vosburg is the father-in-law of Rus
sell. The latter is now under arrest
in Belgium, awaiting extradition. 1t
was Vosburg who conveyed to Killo-
ran, Russell and others the revolvers.
1t was Vosburg who secreted the three
fugitives while the police of this and
other cities were searching high and
low for them. Vosburg made his con-
fession to District Attorney Fellows
yesterday. It was taken down by a
stenographer, and last night central
office detectives, under the guidance of
Assistant District Attorney Barlow s
Weeks, were gathering confederation
Of his statements.
According to VOsburg's story, he Wis
tied Russell and his companions and
supplied them with money while they
were in Ludlow street Jail. It was he
who suggested to the trio to- be shaved
so as to thwart recognition when ar
raigned before United States Commits
sioner Shields. It was he who, in the
guise of preacher, spent hours in the
waiting room talking to the three
thieves.
Il was told" he said, ''by Russell
and the others that the guys in thu
prison were such marks, and if :
couple of guns could be sneaked in
they would do the rest. 1t was plai1
sailing for me. I was On good terms
with Raebe and the keepers and the,
never searched me when I went in
When the three got out they, of course
came to me. I found place for then
until the excitement blew over"
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1895-12-05
LAND GRANT CASE
Judge SanbOrn Hands Down IN I'm
pOrtant Decision

Judge Sanborn Hands Down IN I'M
pOrtant Decision
st. Louis, Dec. 4.-Judge Sanborn,
Of the United States circuit court of
appeals to-day handed down an opin-
ion in the case of the St. Paul, Mime
apolis & Manitoba Railway company,
appellant, VS.. Russell Sage, trustee
affirming, with costs, the opinion Of
the United States circuit court, Dis
trict Of Minnesota, which was in favor
Of Mr.. Sage. The suit involves $4,000
acres of land and has been in the state
and federal courts since 1866. While
Minnesota was yet territory in 1857,
a railroad company, since absorbed by
the present plaintiff, was granted rich
concessions which were not taken ad-
vantage of promptly. Meantime the
Hastings & Dakota railroad, in which
Russell Sage has a controlling inter-
est, was granted territory overlapping
the st. Paul, Minneapolis & Manitoba
grant. The final decision Of the ap-
pellate court affirming the circuit court
is that the latter company was dila-
tory, and in consequence it's concession
remained in the market. Mr.. Sage is
ahead about $2S0,0OO, while the costs
aggregated nearly 100000.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1895-12-05
Sunday, Dec. 1.

The amount Of grain marketed at
Barnesville this year will be about
double that of former years.
Eugene Schingler and Miss Eva
Strange, both of Willard, were married
at that place.
Henry Glasgow of Pine City acct
dentally shot Henry Hoefer in the
back while hunting. The wound is
not considered to be serious one.
Mrs. Christopher Schoepf Of Hast
ings, who was stricken with paralysis
few days ago, died at the age Of
seventy-four. The deceased settled in
Hastings in 1856.
The fine new brick bank building
erected by the First National bank of
GAINESVILLE will be ready for occupan-
CIV about Jan. I. This building is the
first modern one put up in town, and
will be followed by several others next
spring.
A. s. Klooslad, who died recently at
Hope, N. D., was an old resident Of
Chippewa county, this state. He leaves
a family of grown children.
Divorce proceedings We're begun at
II. G. Bowling Of that city. They were
married in Chicago Jan. 2, 1889, and
have one child Mr. Bowling is mem
Der Of the firm Of Bowling Bros, gro
GERS. Mrs. Bowling is living in Clear
water, at the home Of her parents, Mr..
and Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Bowling sues
for the custody Of the child and ali
mony.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1895-12-05
MARKET REPORTS.
Latest Quotations From Grain and
Live Stock Centers


Chicago, Dec. -Wheat-December
Sc 7-Sc; January, 81 5-Sc; May, 81 3-Sc.
Corn-December, 26 1-8c; January,
26 1-2c; May, 20 1-Sc. Oats - Deem
Der, IT 1-4c; February, 83-Sc; May,
20 Ice. Pork-December $7.65; Janu-
airy, $50; May, 1910. Lard-Decem-
Der, $5.17 -; January, $5.37 1-2; May,
$500 IL. Ribs-December, $425; Jan
uary, $4.37 -; May, $4.62 10.
Chicago, Dec. 4.-Hogs-Market &C.
tive, 5a1Oc decline; light, $325a3.55;
mixed, $3.35a3.55; heavy, $3.30a3 go;
rough, $3.3Oa3.4O. Cattle-Market slow
and generally 5a1Oc lower; beeves,
$3O5a4.S5; cows and heifers, $1.6Oa
80; Texas steers, $2.7Oa3.3O; stockes
ana feeders, $2.2Oa3.65.
Minneapolis, Dec. 4-Wheat- Decem-
Der opened at SIC and closed at 50 1-2c:
May opened at Sc 7-Sc and closed at
81 1-9c. On track-No. 1 hard, 81 3-Sc;
No. Northern, So 1-Sc; No. 2 North.
ern, 50 3-Sc.
st. Paul, Dec. Alloys active and SC
decline; duality fair with the excep.
ton of a bunch Of choice Dakota hogs
that sold at $780, Cattle steady and
active; good demand for everything.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1895-12-05

ish navy. The young man was
brought up under the most refining
and happy Influences. His parents
live in the old palace Of Amalienberg,
in Copenhagen. His grandfather,
King Christian, carries on the affairs
of his kingdom in rather highland
ed manner, paying no attention to the
action of the chamber, even going so
far as to devise laws which that body
have rejected. The prospective bride,
the Princess Maud, is twenty-six years
old, and is a fascinating girl gifted
with many talents.