The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-06-29
Sad Tale of a Bathroom.

It happened in New York city, that
center of illumination for this continent,
In boarding house of the big town
there lived upon the top floor back a
man who, as the sequel showed, took a
bath every day. Such men ought to be
encouraged instead of meeting the mel
ancholy fate this man did. But let US
not anticipate.
On the same floor with the man who
washed was man who plainly did not
take bath every day. The man who did
not wash was a bachelor, consequently
very particular. He kept an alarm clock.
Every morning, just to the minute, it
event off. :" Then the man who did not
battle shook himself out from between
his sheet iron boarding house quilts and
mattress and prepared for business.
There was a stationary wash stand in
his room, and into that he let the water
flow while he moistened his face to sat-
isfy his conscience after the manner Of
people who have no use for bathrooms.
But as the fend would have it, just
at the moment when the unwashed
boarder's alarm broke loose, the man
who bathed sprang out Of bed and de-
scended to the floor below where the
bathroom was There he turned the Wa
ter on, swishety swosh, like the roaring
torrent Of Niagara. The consequence
was that the water would not run in the
stationary washstand up stairs at the
exact second when the bachelor wanted
it, as soon as he sprang out of bed at the
exact moment when his alarm shot off,
The unwashed was mad. He declared
in his mind that the man who washed
did it on purpose. He complained to the
landlady about it. She was woman of
peace, and besides liked to encourage
cleanliness among the boarders. It made
the sheets wear longer. So she replied
that it was such a delicate matter that
she did not see how she could speak of
it. Then all the bile that is latent in
people who don't wash themselves
"biled" up in that mans liver. He
glared about him maniacally and ex.
claimed, "I'll fix him!" When a man
who does not battle VOWS to Elk" an
other, that other may we'll look little
out.
Next night the unwashed set his
alarm 81 minutes earlier When it
walked him in the morning, be darted
down with murder in his eye. With a
tragic air he locked the bathroom door.
The man who washed went serenely to
his morning additions. But, mol He
could not get into tho room. Then he
whisked himself back up the stair in
slippers and bathrobe and clad himself
in his day garments. The missing key
was found that evening in the unwashed
bachelors room. The man who bathed
asked the landlady what the matter was.
She suggested that she thought the top
floor front man could explain it, sinoe
the key was found in his room. Thither
he went and asked for light. For answer
he saw stars. He got al awful punch
in the eye and others in qui OK succession
all over his face
In the interest Of cleanliness and order
the man who bathod ought to have come
off victor, but the simple truth is that
he did not He was a military editor,
he said, when the matter came up in
the police court next morning. Being
military man, he appreciated the neces.
sity for knowledge of the art and sci
ence Of retreating. He put his knowl.
edge to practical use with limberness
of leg only to be acquired by men
who battle and shot like an arrow into
his own room and bolted the door, the
great unwashed after him.
The military man said in court that
he was glad he ran, for if he hadn't
there would have been an awful fight,
How people do liel For years there
has been a tradition that the late Mrs.
Par2n Stavpns ono Of Nov,