The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-06-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A vaulting ambition-to have some
yaluables to show in the ''safe De-
posit.
Judge-"Who is the prisoner"
OfIicer-"A son of Erin, your honor
Judge neutrality-suspicious.
name?"
Jimmy "Timmy Grogan is talkin'
of gittin' him bysickle. " Mickey
"Him? He amt got de price fer de
wind wot goes in de tires"
Jilison saysthe greatest sticklers for
form must sometimes bow to the in
evitable without having had an intro
duction. Buffalo Courier.
In the Cleaning: She pointing at
a star)-"Ah, there is Orion" Voice
from the darkness )-"Yez are mis-
hthtaken, mum, it's O'Reilly."
ST like your minister very well, but
it seems to me his sermons lack fire. "
"Why, great Scott OF course they
do. He doesn't believe in it.
He-"Does a girl ever think of any
thing in this world except marriageY
She-"Yes." He-"Well, of what?"
She-"How to get married. Truth.
Bounder- -"They say that the Gar
of Russia never, under any circum-
stances, trusts any one" Bounder-
"Gad I'm glad he isn't my tailor. "
Truth.
Witticusse-''W what do you think of
these Lines to Gas Company Pet
ticusse-"The meter is false. Wit
ticusse-"Tha done Intentionally to
make it realistic. Life.
Wickwire-'Bahl Women never in
vent anything" Mrs. Wickwire-
"No; but the new woman will. just
you wait till she has had the practice
of inventing excuses that the men
have"
Justice-''You are charged with
stealing Colonel Julep's chickens; ;
have you any witnesses?" Uncle Nose
81 heb not l don't steal chickens
beto' witnesses. browning, King &
Co. IS Monthly.
Hojack-"My sister has had n
chance to marry q United States Sena-
tor" Tomdik-"Why didn't she?"
Hoiack-'She said she wanted to have
an opportunity to do some talking
herself. Truth.
J Dick-"What out of a job again?
I thought you had permanent
| placer" Tom-"So did l. They said
the building was freproof, but con-
found it, was fired in less than a
fortnight. Boston Transcript.
An exchange suggests as sure
method of exterminating the Russian
thistle that the ladies adopt it rs hat
ornament. The idea emanates from
the brain, doubtless, of some bigoted
and unreasonable lover of song birds.
Bride discussing the event. ut
seemed to me that there was II slight
hitch while we were taking our posi-
tions at the chancel." Groom-'Pos-
sibly. But it was nothing compared
with the hitch that followed. Brook
lyn Life.
An actress appearing in Johnstown,
Penn, recently, was referred to by
the local press as favorite in that
city The paper remarked: "She ap-
peared here just before the hcod. "
The actress has erased Johnstown from
her map.
"Have you tried very hard to WIN
your constituents over to your views
on the theories of municipal policy?"
inquired the citizen of the hoeier who
was running for the city council.
"Have I?' repeated the aldermanic
candidate seornfully. "Well, you
ought TO lust see my bar bills durin
the campaign"
There is one thing that a woman
/ can do better than anybody else in
the world. She can iron a worn out
handkerchief so that every one OF its
ragged holes will be hidden from sight,
and will only appear to view when her
husband, who is a minister, takes that
identical handkerchief out OF his
pocket when half way through the ser
mon and calmly unfolds it to the eyes
of the whole congregation. -Rockland
/ Tribune.