The herald., 1895-08-26
IRISH BULLS;
ALSO, SOME BULLS THAT
ARE NOT IRISH

squire Bon. as the old timers met after
lunch, us often confounded with what is
called bull, which latter is supposed
to be an exclusively Irish product. But
it would appear the hearing Of such bulls
IS not by any means confined to the
Emerald isle. Ii was a Scotch woman
who said the butcher of her town only
killed half beast at time. 1t was
Dutchman who said ms lost pig had no
marks on his ears, except a short tail. 1t
was u British magistrate who, on being
told by a vagabond that he was not
married. responded: 'That'sa good thing
Tor your wife, It was a French.nan
who enumerated, among the marks by
which the body OF a drowned man might
be identified, when found, marked i'm
pediment in his speech. 1t was French
man who, contentedIy laying his head on
stone jar for pillow, said it was not
hard because he had previously stuffed it
with hay. 1t was an American lecturer
who soemnly said one evening: Par
ents, you may have childen; or if not
your daughters may have them 1t was
German orator who, warming with his
subject, exclaimed: There is no man.
woman or child in this house, who has
eAti'c cu etU tliS uSo VI my years, Dub VINO
has telt the truth laundering through
their mind for centuries No. boys; the
Irish have not a monopoly of the bulls"
well" said old Bob. lit may be true
that the Irish are not the sole producers
OF bulls, but they are the most prolific.
And. then, your Irish bull Is an exquis-
ite creature in its wav, with comicality
that is inimitable. In other words, 1t is
fun with a rich brogue on it,.
Sir Boyle Roche is held to be the prince
OF Irish bull-makers, and is often quoted
as the most inimitable of his countrymen
in that respect. For example, he de-
scribed himself once as standing pros
days of threatened rebellion in Ireland
he wrote to friend: "You may Judge
of our state when | tell you that 1 write
this with a sword in one hand and
pistol in the other two" Even more
comical was the climax which he made
in speech IN the house of commons on
one occasion. Said he: II smell rat !;
heaven III nip it in the bud.'' 1t was
Sir BOYLE Roche, also. who, said on an
other occasion: II wish this motion at
the bottom of the bottomless pit" and
on another, having referred to England
as the mother country he said L:
England and Ireland ought to live in
iilial affection together. like sisters. as
Vaudeleur, another member. remarked
that "the tax on leather would bd Sc
verely felt by the barefooted pensantiy
OF Ireland" Sir Boyle Roche replied
that this could be easily remedied by
making the underleathers of wood"
1T is often difficult" said Uncle
Joshua, Ito convince an Irishman that
he has made bull. 1t was that same
Boyle Roche, l believe. who was the
cause of ths oft-quoted saying, that he
never opened his mouth without putting
his foot in it, Punch many years ago
gave good illustration of the real Irish
bnll. when it made an Irishman who was
complaining of absentee landlordism
unaer which the country suffered, to say
Me unhappy country swarms with
tin m at the present time Here is an
bner example: An Irish officer in the
tiritish army, in giving orders to SEN
onel, commanded him mot to stir foot,
but walk mp and aown and see what he
could hear"
Here is an English bull" said Uncle
Dave. e I'm afraid you'll be late at the
party, said an old lady to her stylish
granddaughter, who replied, oh, no,
dear granuma; don't you know that in
our fashionable SCI nobody. ever goes to s
party till everybody is there?'
"The Scotch produce some very goot
bulls also. Two Scotchmen were discuss
| ing the relative merits of cnurchyard.
and cemeteries, when one of them boldly
expressed his aversion to the latter In
this manner: I'd rather no dee ava (at
alD than be buried in sic placeH To
which his companion retorted, 'Weel, il
I'm spared in life and health, I'll gang
naewhere else.
Here are some others: A minister in
Arran is said to have made the following
announcement from his puplit: my
friends, there will be no Lords day here
next Sabbath: it's the sacrament owre al
kilmory, and I'll be thefe.' A Paisley
gentleman, in discussing the right o.
women to practice medicine, in letter
to newspaper Of his place asked the
following pointed question: why should
not women be freely allowed to become
medical mem? A Scotch lady was speak.
ing strongly to a gentleman against
smoking, which, she said, must be very
bad for the health. L don't know said
smokes every day, and he's now 20 years
old. Well, said she, III he had nevel
smoked he might have been 80 At
benefit in Edinburgh many years ago tn,
play bill stated that the evenings enter.
tainment would finish with an interlude
A Presbyterian minister performing pub
lie worship in the Trlon church at Edin
burgh once used this expression in hi'
prayer: Lord have mercy upon all fools
and idiots, and particularly upon th,
town council OF Edinburgh -
Bulls" said Squire Ben, 'are as otter
matters OF action as they are of speech
A number OF years ago the publishers o
monthly periodical, finding that tn,
last day OF the month sometimes fell
upon Sunday, resolved that ths publish
ing day should be the last day but one o
the month, whereby they hoped to rem
edy the Inconvenience and vindicate tbei
claim as close observers of the Sabbath.
Shakespeare character OF Dogberry
has more than one parallel in later
times" said Old Bob. "a mayor of ont
| of the communes in France. some year.
ago, made the following entry in his reg
| lister: L, = -, mayor OF -, foun(
| yesterday, in the forest OF -, man O
| the name of Rollin committing an &C
| against the laws. l commanded him tt
! surrender, who.eupon he set upon me
heaped me with insult and contumely
calling me ragmuftin, an ass and pre-.
| cious dolt and scarecrow-all of which
| certify to be true"
almost in the nature OF BULLS" sale
Uncle Joshua. 'are slips of the tongu,
which we sometimes hear. 1t was bu
the transposition of two or three letter.
which spoilt the eloquence of a preacher
| who. in place OF Bow not thy knee to al
| IDOL said, Bow not thine eye to nee
| dle.' In similar manner young cler
gyman in giving out the hymn, Con
| qusring kings, merely stumbled over th,
| first syllable, but being unable to save
himself, startled his congregation witt
the announcement: The hymn tonigh
Will be 'Kinquering congs-kinquerine
congs.' Much the same was the pitfal
INTO which reverend gentltman walked
when, in place of saying. Behold th
| fig tree how it withereth away by
simple transpositlon of two or three let
| ters, asked his audience to Behold th