Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-04-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A fast man easily runs into debit
Puck.
The poorest form of loafng is be-
longing to literary society. -Atchi-
son Globe.
Unless you fatter some people they
imagine you are slandering them.- -
Galveston News.
It is very hard to admit that man
younger than yourself has more sense.
-Atchison Globe.
In the bright lexicon of the grocer,
even allspice is adulterated until it is
not all spice. Puck.
Sheriff's advice to merchant
'.Don't advertise and I'll do the rest"
Profitable Advertising.
The man who becomes a successful
hypocrite has to work at it every day
in the week. Rams Horn.
China invented gunpowder, but it
was so long ago that she forgot what
it was for. Cincinnati Tribune.
A man doesn't look as pretty at a
piano as a girl; but, as rule, he
sounds prettier. r.-Atchison Globe.
The man who commits suicide for
love perpetrates a slur on all the
women in the world except one
Puck.
"Those are pretty poor patent leath-
ers you have on" eyes; but they
were all right before the patent ex-
pired. Yale Record.
It's wise young housekeeper who
excuses her bad cooking on the ground
of typographical errors in her cook
book. .--Philadelphia Record.
Nearly every one has been wicked
enough in his life to feel painfully
embarrassed when invited to mind
reading party. .-Atchison Globe.
Professor-''M Wakeup, can you
tell what besides chloride of iodine is
found in salt water?" Wakeup-
"Why, yes; fish. = Yale Record.
Weazer-''The Populists used to
have band wagon; what have they
got now?' Teazer -"Nothing but the
wagin' tongue. "-Philadelphia In
quirer.
Time flies. It seems but few days
since woman we know was cutting
out scraps of poetry. and now she cuts
out only sure cures for rhematlsm. -
Atchison Globe.
Chicago Alderman-"Who are you
and what do you want?" Old Party
with lantern)-"My name is Diogenes.
Let me pass. I'm not looking tor
you. "-Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Elephant latter tying knot in
her spouse's trunk)-"There, now!
guess you won't forget again to bring
the baby some of those cocoanuts when
you go down to the jungle. Puck.
One fact should be known by him who'd
drink
From Fortunes golden cup;
By Fate is the man turned down who waits
For something to turn up.
Puck.
Madge-sI wish we could meet some
of the leaders of our set this after
noon." Mamie -"That's easy enough
to do. Just put on your ugliest dress
and go out for a walk. Chicago
Record.
Little Sister "Any new studies
this term?" Little Brother-"One-
elocution." "What's that?" ''It's
learnin' how to read thing SO it will
sound as if you was at the other end
of drain pipe. Good News.
visltor-.'It must be very difficult
to produce such an exquisite work of
art. Dealer-"Nonsense. Almost
anybody can paint picture; but
finding victim to buy it after it is
painted is where the art comes in. -
Tit Bits.
Little Dot-''Uncle George says I'm
too loquacious. What does that mean"
Mamma THAT means you talk too
much. Little Dot latter re6ection)
-I 'spose big words was made 50
folks could say mean things wifout
huriin' anybody's feelings. GOOD
News.
ssEustace has been cured of his hab-
it OF boastiug" "How was that
miracle accomplished" "He was
dilating on the size of his income the
other evening i'll a mixed crowd when
one of the persons present spoke up
and remarked that he was an income.
| tar collector. Chicago Record.