davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

Opia Read not long ago had occasion to
make trip through Kentucky, and on his
return was asked for some good story.
about Breckenridge.
II can give you story, said Mr.. Read
SIT Is about hog thief who went by the
name of Tom. Nobody ever caught Tom
stealing hogs, but there was firmly settled
conviction in the community that all the
missing porkers were due to this cunning
rascal. Notwithstanding the general be-
lief that Tom was the thief, and for all the
fact that all kinds Of schemes were laid to
entrap him, the hogs continued year in
and year out to disappear, but Tom was
never caught.
"A prominent judge and the owner of q
fine farm, residing near the town where
Tom lived, was out in the yard one morn
ing looking over his stock when he no.
ticed Tom coming down the road. AS he
Just then CHANGED to be looking at his hogs
the sight of Tom naturally led him to
speculate upon the safety of his stock.
Howdy, Tom, said the judge. Fine
lot of hogs, eh2'
"'Mawnin, jedge, mawnin,' answered
Tom. Deed an dey is, jedge about de
fines lot O. hogs I evan did see jedge.
Spec yous mighty proud O. dem hogs,
jedge.
"'Well, Tom, for fact I do think q
heap of these hogs. Now want to make
a bargain with you. I'm not abiding to
anything in particular Tom. just want
you to take notice Of those three shoats
over in the corner.
"'I see 'em, jedge, an I s'pect dey is
bout as fine as any shoats evan did see,'
replied Tom, with a broad grin.
Well, now, see here, Tom, I am going
to give you these three shoats.
"'You's gwine ter give me dem three
fine shoats, jedge3 linus say, jedge, OATS
monstrous kin
"'Hold on, Tom, there's condition. l
am going to give them to you if you will
promise me for sure that you will leave
the rest of the hogs alone. Will you
agree?'
"'Well, jedge, answered Tom, with q
face as sober and as solemn as the judge
ever Wore upon the bench, 'you's been
good fr'en of mine, an you's done me a
heap O. favors, jedge, an I'ze gwine ter
agree. But, jedge, and here Tom began
scratching his woolly head Il tell you's
what, PIE gwine ter agree, jedge, but I'ze
gwine ter lose meat. ''-Chicago Mail.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Too Much House For One Family.

A benevolent woman living at Glen
dale, N. j., devotes much of her time to
entertaining children who live in the low
or wards Of New York and who of course
have crude ideas of country life. During
Christmas week this woman invited q
dozen Of the little urchins to her house
and was rewarded for her trouble by the
thorough way in which the children en-
joyed themselves In the party was one
little girl scarcely years old. She came
from crowded tenement house on the
east side and took the most intense inter-
est in everything she saw. After a care
full inspection of everything ON the parlor
floor Of her hostess house she asked in
curious tone, ''Who lives down stairsP"
"We d." was the reply.
"Who lives up stairsp"
"We do"
"Well who lives above thatp''
"Why, we do of course" said the host
css, with much interest. "What makes
you ask?"
why, don't no Italians live in this
house9" asked the little tot in open eyed
wonder.-New York Tribune.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

Few Women Would Have Thought of It.
but She Did,
IF have wife that beats the world"
remarked the drummer in a predatory
kind of way.
Including YOURSELF" inquired the no.
tel clerk.
Mentally and morally, yes, but not
physically, though am not so sure about
that that would provoke her enough to
find out. Anyway, she's daisy" he
went on, "and I'll give you an example
of what Napoleoness she is under diff
culties. Last summer was in New York,
and she was stopping in New Hampshire.
For some reason she took notion to come
down where was, and when she got to
the place whore / had been stopping
wasn't there, as had changed my board
ing house. The landlady didn't know
where was, and hadn't told my wife
about my moving, for did not expect her
to come for week or SO later and was
going to write her. Well, when she got
there and could not find me she was
stumped, for lone woman Is decidedly
lone in a big town like New York. But
my wife is not one Of the kind to sit down
and Cry. On tho other hand, she got up
straight and began to think how to find
me, and she did it in manner that was
surprising 1t was about clock when
she came into town. By she had complet-
ed her scheme, and that evening about 2,
as was talking to friend in front of the
Fifth Aven ue hotel, happened to be look
ing at that stereopticon advertisement
show just below Twenty third street on
that high building, and, by the powers,
the first thing knew something was on
the screen that almost took my breath
away"
Look at that says to my friend.
" What is it?' says he.
Read that message on the SCREEN
says I.
w. H. Blank is wanted at his late
boarding house on Sixty third street
Mary.
"'By gum, old man., says he that's
you.'
I" Right you are, says I, and in a
very few minutes was there, and found
my wife waiting for me, and tickled al
most to death over the original way Of
finding me. Do you know Of any other
woman in this country or any other" con-
cluded the drummer, that would have
thought of such detective agency as that
to have found lost husband?" And the
hotel clerk wanted to take up a collection
among the married men of the hotel for
medal.-Detroit Free Press.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
A Man In the Woods.


She had on what they call half mourn
ing, to signify that six months had passed
since her husband was laid away She had
stopped to look at some pictures displayed
by secondhand dealer on Gratiot avenue,
and he stepped out to say:
''Sell you that beautiful steel engraving
and carved frame for only SO, ma am. Just
as good as new and never cost less than
$1O."
"I-I thought liked it at first, but it
don't amount to much" she replied.
beg pardon, ma 'am but please look at
the details. There a farmhouse to always
remind you of the country; there's for
est, meadow, two horses and COW, and
theres''-
"They are very common, she interrupt
ed.
Perhaps, ma'am, but in that house is a
lady-a widow-waiting for the gent who
is coming through those woods to climb
this rail fence just here. You can't see
'em, of course, but they are there, and
he's going to propose to her as soon as he
reaches the house. She'll accept him, and
they'll be married in the spring and be
very, very happy"
1.-Two dollars Is too much," she said as
she looked more closely and exhibited
more interest.
"But consider, ma'am; consider that
he's going to pop the question, and he's
rich and handsome. Can't tell how this
picture may affect your future, you know. :"
"I'll give you $780," she said as she
took out her purse.
Oh, we'll, III have to take it, but it's
an awful shame. Fit for any parlor in the
land, drawn by an artist who used to milk
this very COW, and in the perspective is one
of the happiost marriages ever made in
this country. Here it is, ma am, and aft
er tho match has been fixed know you II
drop in and give me tho other so cents -
Detroit Free Press
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

Any one who has ever had an attack of
in1ammatory rheumatism will rejoice
with Mr.. j. A. Stumm, 220 Boyle Heights,
Los Angeles, over his fortunate escape
from siege of that distressing ailment.
Mr.. Stumm is foreman of Merriam's con-
fectionery establishment. Some months
ago, on leaving the heated work room to
run across the street on an errand, he was
caught out in the rain. The result was
that when ready to 60 home that night he
was unable to walk, owing to inhamma-
tory rheumatism. He was taken home,
and on arrival was placed in front of a
good fire and thoroughly rubbed with
Chamberlain's Pain Balm. During the
evening and night he was repeatedly
bathed with this liniment, and by morn
ing was relieved of all rheumatic pains.
He now takes especial pleasure in prais-
ing Chamberlain's Pain Balm, and always
keeps bottle of it in the house. For
sale by A. G. Ireland, jr.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
The "Regulation Bus"

A gentleman grumbler, who occupied q
front garden seat on bus bound for the
Northern Heights, was recently complain
ing bitterly of the snaillike pace at which
the vehicle was proceeding.
Anything wrong with the horses?" he
inquired of the driver.
BLESS me, no. was the reply. cts
their fust journey"
Not satisfied, the complainant again pro
tested against the conveyance being turned
into funeral car and asked, with some
irony, whether it was a ''favorite. y
mo, not exactly, sir" was the answer,
"but it's known as the regulator"
Asked to explain his meaning, the i'm
pertnrbable occupant of the box retortcd
"Why, cause it's the bus all the Others
go by. '"-London Telegraph.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
LOSS OF Flesh

is weakening. You cannot af.
ford to fall below your healthy
weight. If you will take SCOTS
Emulsion of Cod-liver Oil with
Hypophosphites of Lime and
Soda when your friends first
tell you you are getting thin,
you will quickly restore your
healthy weight and may thereby
prevent serious illness.
Persons have been known to
gain a pound a day by taking
IN ounce a day of SCOTS Emul-
sion. This seems extraordinary;
but it is absolutely true.
Don't be persuaded 10 accept substituted
Scott & Bovine, NY. All Druggists, SOC. and 81,
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

While in Stockton, CAL, some time ago,
Thos. F. Langau, of Los Banos, that state,
was taken very severely with cramps and
diarrhea. He CHANGED to meet Mr.. G. M.
Carter, who was similarly afflicted. He
says: II told him of Chamberlain's Collie,
Cholera and Diarrhma Remedy, and we
went to the Holden drug store and pro-
cured bottle of it. 1t gave Mr.. Carter
prompt relief and I can vouch for its
having cured me-" For sale by A. G
Ire'e and, jr.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

other pills. Hence, their great popularity
with sufferers from habitual constipation,
piles and their attendant discomfort and
manifold arrangements. The Pellets"
are purely vegetable and perfectly harmless
in any condition of the system. No care il
required while using them; they do not
interfere with the diet, habits or occupa.
tion and produce no pain, gripping or shock
to the system. They act in mild, easy and
natural way and there is no reaction after
ward. Their help lasts.
The Pellets cure biliousness, sick and
bilious headache, dizziness, costiveness, OF
constipation, sour stomach, loss of appetite,
coated tongue, indigestion, or dyspepsia,
windy belchings, heartburn" pain aud
distress after eating, and kindred derange.
ments of the liver, stomach and bowels.
In proof of their superior excellence, it can
be truthfully said, that they are always
adopted as a household remedy after the
FIRST trial. Put up in sealed, glass walls,
therefore always fresh and reliable One
little "Pellct" is laxative, two are mildly
cathartic. AS dinner pill, to promote
digestion, or to relieve distress from over
eating, take one after dinner. They are
tiny sugar-coated granules; any child will
readily take them.
Accept no substitute that may be recon.
mended to be "just as good" 1t may be
BETTER for the dealer, because of paying him
better profit, but IL is not the one who
sssdJ help
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
CONNECTIONS.

ALBUQUERQUE-A., T. & s. f. Railway
for all points cast and south.
ASH FORK-Santa Fe, Prescott Il Phs.
nix railway for points in central and
southern Arizona.
BLAKE-Nevada Southern Railway for
Purdy and connection with stage lines
for mining districts north.
BARSTOW-Solther California Railway
for Los Angeles, San Diego and other
! California points.
MOJAVE-Southern Pacific Company for
San Francisco, Sacramento and other
northern California points.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
WhoopIng Cough.

There is no danger from this disease
when Chamberlain's Cough Remedy lie
freely given. II liqueaes the tough mucus
and aids its ex pectoration. It also lessons
the severity and frequency Of paroxysms
Of coughing and insures speedy recov-
cry. There is not the least danger in Civ
ing the remedy to children or babies, a.
IL contains no injurious substance. For
sale by A. Q. ireland, ir.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

The roses that bloom in the spring
ira la,
Have nothing to do with her case,
For hers are the roses that bloom,
ira la,
The whole year round in her face.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Scientifically Considered.

Merely as new experience, Wendell, +"
said the Boston young woman, blushing
family and wiping her lips, II find it
not disagreeable, but do not let it happen
again. 1t Is utterly illogical, Irrelevant,
and recent scientific Investigation shows
that 1t is fraught with microbes"
1t seems the foolhardy young man had
kissed her.-Chicago Tribune.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Zero,

Her Father-What Is your income, siri
Her Lover-I can only give 1t to you in
round numbers.
Her Father-Ahl
Her Lover-No other numbers will ex-
press 1t.
Her Father hl-Detroi Tribune.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
A Real Saving.

The Lady Shopper-Whatf Pay IS for a
lamp like that! It's outrageous, and ]
won't pay It'll
The Astute Salesman-Youf forget, mad
am, that the price has been reduced to
$4.09
The Lady Shopper Preaching for her
purse ooh, very well, then, I'll take it.
Chicago Record.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
"Gauae.r

At the dinner table in country hotel a
guest says to the waitress:
Miss, are you sure that this Is wild
duck that you've given mep''
wild? Well, should think it was. If
you could a seen us chasin that duck
moron 40 times round the barnyard fore
we ketched 1t guess you'd believe twas
wildt"-Youth's Companion.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
All on the Surface,

"Have you met the tattooed mann"
asked the Circassian beauty casually.
Tho glass eater nodded.
Brilliant fellow, isn't her"
''Yes, but superficial.
At that moment the lecturer besought
the multitude to look in their direction, at
the same time mentioning that photo
graphs of the ten Drained cat could be had
for nickel each.-Detroit Tribune.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
SUNBEAMs.

Poets who sing of 'shoreless sea- leave
nothing in their Imagination for the waves
to break on and for ships to arrive at
and land whale oil after long voyage.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

Did you think my sermon too broad
to-day? Oh, no; not for the length of it.
At that point the parishioner hastened to
ask his pastor If he preferred light or
dark meat, and the discussion was not
prolonged.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Colorado T0urist Rafes.

COIOruuO TOuT1HC RutCH.
On June l, 1895, the Santa Fe route will
place on sale reduced rate tickets to all
points in Colorado. To Denver and re-
turn, $2s.50; to Colorado Springs, 1886;
to Pueblo, $2l.05. These tickets will be
on sale daily up to and including October
81, 1895, and are good to return any day
between June and November 10, 1895.
H. s. LuTz, Agent.
G. T. NICHOLSON, G.. P. A.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

Bob was paying attention to rich wild
ow. Madam" he said as her offered her
a bouquet, "you are getting more and
more beautiful every day."
''You exaggerate, my dear siri,. ex-
claimed tho lady, very much Aattered.
"Well, then, let us say every other
day." said Bob.-Tit- Bits.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

Do your jokes seem funny to you when
you see them the second time? the
lnquistive girl asked. 1t depends, said
Timmis, whether they come back to me
in manuscript or In print.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
The Greatest Railroad
on Earth
Santa Fe Route!

Teachers..and others going to National
Education Association meeting
mt Denver, in } My, should remember
that the santa Fe offers as low rates
rs anybody else, with better service.
Special inducements to small or large
parties.
Through Pullman Sleepers and free
Chair Cars-Chicago, st. Louis and
Kansas City to Denver. One hundred
miles superb view of Rocky Noun
tains between Pueblo and Denver.
Privilege of attending Summer
School, Colorado Springs, Oh return
trip.
Low-rate- excursions into the noun
tains after meeting is over.
For descriptive phamphlets, address
H. $. LUTI,
Agt. A. L. 4 S. Il. II. r..
Santa Fe, N. NJ.
Most Picturesque
Line to Colorado.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
The Grand Canon OF the Colorado

the most sublime of natures work on
earth, indescribable, can easily be reached
via Flagstaff, Williams Or Peach Springs
on this road. To the natural bridge OF
Arizona and Montezuma's we'll you can
journey most directly by this line. OBJ
serve the ancient Indian civilization Of
Laguna or Acoma, "the City Of the Sky"
Visit the petrified forest near Carrizo.
See and marvel at the freak of Canon
Diablo. Take hunting trip IN the mag
niacent pine forests of the San Francisco
mountains. Find interest in the ruins oil
the prehistoric
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Agreed.

The Husband (bitterly)-I wish had
known as much before Twas married as
do now.
The Wifc--So do l. You might really
have amounted to something by this
time.-Life.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Didn't Dare Stop.

Catterson-What on earth are you danc-
ing about SO for, old manp
Hatterson-,My wife bought the under
clothes have on at bargain counter
and II don't keep moving they'll shrink
up ON nc. --Clothier and Furnisher.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Items Of Interest by the wabash
Man.


Bulletin No. 5.
The popular Wabash line offers unpar-
alelled inducements for eastern excursions
during 1895.
We can send you to Decatur ana return,
to attend the annual meeting of the Ger
man Baptists, tickets on sale May "a,
good thirty days; to Chattanooga, Tenn,
and return, with the Epworth league,
June 81 to 80, tickets good thirty days;
to Boston with the Christian Endeavor
or the Knights Templar Excursions,-the
first named going the first week in July,
the Knights Templar going the 2lst of
August. Both of these excursions via
popular and attractive routes.
Stop-over at Niagara Falls If desired.
Send your address to me for an elegant
map and guide to the city of Boston and
other attractive advertising matter.
Look out for Bulletin No. 6.
G. M. HAMpsoN,
Commercial Agent,
Denver, Colorado.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Pullman Palace Sleeping Cars

No change is made by sleeping car pas
sengers between San francisco, Los
Angeles oTSan Diego and Chicago.
The Atlantic & Pacific Railroad, the
great middle route across the American
continent, in connection with the rail-
ways Of the "Santa Fe route" Liberal
management; superior facilities; pic
turesque scenery; excellent accommoda-
tions.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
The Question Direct.

/She-Mother objected to my reading
your book because it was-er--too sensa-
itional
The Rising Author-And what did you
think Of itp-New York World.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
In Doubt.

II see the celebrated singer, Miss Many
we'd, has become reconciled to her hus-
band"
Indeed Which ones''-Washington
Star
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
STATIONS EASTWARD
WESTWARD

Arrive Los Angeles 9:35 a. M; $3.50 p.
m. Leave Los Angeles at 700 a. M; 500
D. m.
Arrive San Diego 12:45 p. M; $3.50 p.
m.* Leave San Diego at 2:15 p. m.
Arrive at San Francisco at 9:15 a. m.
Leave San Francisco at 900 a. IN.
*Every day but Sunday.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
A Sunny South item.

"Whsre In thunder are you going with
that stove and oil those overcoatsi"
II am going, my friend, to spend the
winter In Florida. Atlanta Conatitu.
tion.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
ASSIST NATURE

a little now and then
IN removing offend.
ing matter from the
stomach and bowels
and you thereby
avoid a multitude
OF distressing de.
rangeinents and dis
eases, and will have
less frequent need
of your doctors
service.
Of all wn
agents for this pur.
pose, DR.. Pierce's
Pleasant Pellets are
the be st. Once
used, they are al.
ways in favor.
Their secondary eff.
feet is to keep the
bowels open and
regular, not to fur
ther constipate, as
is the case with
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

An Arabian witness in London was
excused from testifying because he
wouldn't swear on anything but the
Koran, and there wasn't onehandy.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
a True Hero

rue hACTO
Is the individual who smiles with APP
parent cheerfulness during an attack of
rheumatism. "If such there be- we never
met him nor her. An agonized grin is the
nearest approach to cheerfulness ofaspect
we ever heheld under such circumstances.
But when Hostetter's Stomach Bitters has
repelled--as it certainly will-the earlier
attacks of this formidable disease, the
quondam sufferer has good reason not
alone to smile, but to give vent to hearty
outlaws interspersed with frequent
chuckles. To the removal of dyspepsia,
malarial and kidney complaints, constipa-
tion and disorder of the liver, the Bitters
is specially adapted. 1t renews failing
strength and appetite, and counteracts
the infirmities of age. When facilitating
maladies are succeeded by tardy con-
valescence with danger of relapsed, it
accelerates gain in vigor and flesh, and
tends to re-establish health on lasting
basis. Give it suitable trial.
When once the bloom is rubbed fir ON
the grape
No art of man can restore it;
No skill can replace the chromatic dust
On the butterfy's wing that bore it.
No man can put back the down on the
peach,
Be he ever SO humanity clever,
And thousand per cent in baseball race
When lost is lo st forever.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
Cave and Cliff DweIlers

View the longest cahtilever bridge 10
America across tho Colorado river.
JNo. J. BYRNE,
Gen. Pass. Agt., Los Angeles, Cal.
@. H. SrEERs,
Asst Gen. Pass. Agt, San Francisco, Cal.
b. 8. Van HLYoK,
Gen. Agt., Albuquerque, N. NJ.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25

See here, waiter, why do you always
have your finger in the soups I don't
sir; sometimes it's my thumb.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-05-25
SHE FOUND HIM.

Few Women Would Have Thought of It,
but She Did,