The herald., 1895-02-23


man." through being afraid those stupid
Government officers might think me a
man of property and go charging me
house duty and income tax, and all sorts
of things. A hollow kind of life do you
call it? Well, that's matter of opinion.
Not if it's done conscientiously, l say.
| That poet have heard OF must have had
me in his eye when he wrote "Things are
not what they seem." 1t is my mission
to make the unreal appear to be real, and
whatever you may think about the useful
ness of that pursuit as a help to happiness
| in respectfully conducted state, the
property man is generally more successful
in his aim than the actor who looks down
upon him. l dare say they never give it
moments thought, but the British
drama would be poverty stricken article
without the help of the property man;
King Richard having to go on without
scepfer would never be able to render
Shakespeare true to nature, and what be-
comes of your classics, like The Courier
of Lyons if the mail guard isn't shot at
the proper moment? Yes, | have known
more than one swagger traged1an have ms
comb cut through offending the property
man. Particularly do | mind an Othello
on sofa with one of the legs. sawn
through by a gentleman in my line OF
business as revenge for the swagger ira
gedian's bad temper for a whole fortnight.
When he and the sofa and the curtain
came down all together thought the ROOF
would have been lifted with laughter The
property man had gone home before the
last act, or | am sure there would have
been real tragedy that highland with
out any of the Shakespearean dialogue,
either.
noble occupation surely, and strain
fJ,A, oil
in terror of forgetting something, and for
getfulness has led to many new readings
of popular plays. | recoilect emitting to
furnish Hamlet with his tablets. He
dived into his cloak for them, and they
were not there. SO he had to make his
notes on imaginary ones, and the next
day the newspapers raved about the mag
nificence OF the new reading. Yet the
credit belonged to the property man, who
never had any thanks ior making the
mans reputation. A week of the legltl-
mate is Il regular load on the brain, and
those historic plays are enough To drive
you mad what with the banners OF this
army and that and the spears and the
swords, and the rapiers and the banquet
ing scenes. Did | ever tit up The Old
Toll House?
You be asking me if ever saw Joe
Cave next. All! there's play for you
lull OF interest and movement, and those
last dying orations for Jack Bunuage-aS
pretty a bit of poetry as you wish 10 clap
eyes on. None OF your drawing-room
pieces for mc-with their letters and
iocketS and fans and imitation vases and
folderols. Good, honest properties are
what | like-something that can be seen
from the front with the naked eye and
setting the audience wondering how much
they cost. Jealous OF real horses and cabs
ana saddle-bag lurditurc for the interiors?
Not a bit of it. Live and let live, say.
Many property feast have put
on IN my time, The public expects
property feeds in the legitimate. Sit
Macbeth down to table and
ask his guests to drink out of anything
but empty gobletS, o. pretend to Go any
thing in the eating department. except
fool about with rCd-cheekcd aoples before
Banquo comes in, and the public would
hiss the play off the stage. No, sir, they
will not stand any desecration o! Shake
speare, and PITY the first Lady Macbeth
who dares from the royal table to eat soup
with a spoon. II would never do. The
playgoer does noS expect real food in II
Shakespearean piece. He would object to
it as a desecration and a degradation.
He will permit no interference with the
functions of the property man. On the
orher hand, provide AIRS. Puffy with any
thing save an honest hot steaming meat
pie for The Streets of London and the
mouse would be wrecked. 7t
I've worked for these three-and thirty
years Old plays, property grub; new
plays. real mea;. There 5 the whole thing
in nutshell. | know my limits and
how far dare go. Lord bless me. | re-
collect piece that was saved by pigs fry
and onions. They fried 'em in garret
scene and the gallery was so delighted
with the homeliness of it that | believe
they would have called on the pork mer-
chant if they thought he was in the house.
1t touched 'em i'll tender part, and the
nose is a tender part. | declare to you
the soothing snitfing that went on during
the scene could not nave been more so if
they were playing East Lynne.
Christmas busy time with me? Well,
| have been hard at it for the last two
months. Pantomimes are fast destroyers
of Il mans natural rest, and what with
everything at skies and sevens the mana
ger roaming about like a bear with q sore
head, the carpenters so touchy you can't
speak to enl, and the scene painter soll-
oquizing all day long-generally before
otncr peoplc-the place is hardly fit for
man to live in. They expect me to have
a hundred pairs OF hands, like BrierN
well, Briar something;; no, not Bob Bri-
ery; he's in The Ticket of Leave Man,
and had five years, and the masks have
got to be so heavy and horrid that the
last time | took one home it frightened
our youngest nipper into fit.
MY room is more an Olu curiosity SHOP
than anything else, and it's wearing to
the feelings to descend from Adam S staff
and the practicable deer in the forest of
Arden, and King Lear's jewels and EN-
blems, to come flop upon rows of grnning
faces for robbers and palace guards and
demon butchers. Fairy queens! Hang
me if | know where they pick up those
young women. would rather fit out
Scotch army with claymores any day than
provide wand for fairy queen. 1t is
either too long or too short too thick or
thin, too light or too heavy; whereas,
well | know it, the fact is these young
women don't know how to carry 'em.
| haven't been on the boards the best part
of my life without knowing what
a fairy queen ought to be, or what
salary she draws. But the airs they
give themselves are worse than the
low comedian with most of the fiat"
and half share benefit in the last week
of the run. Clowns? No. l don't say
anything against clowns. l don't take to
'ein, mind you, still | don't say anything
against 'em. Harlequins | can't abide.
Why have 'em, | say. Better any time
have a harlequina-which sustained the
female interest--instead of fellow who
has been playing the sprite or doing the
contortion business in the opening? Have
l noticed itP Why, I was only saying as
much to the missus the other day. He
never is clean shaved. l am certain in
my own mind there is that in the consti-
tuition of harlequin that you cannot
shave him properly. He never comes on
with q clean face I think sponolec ,,,,,st