The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1895-08-23

Jinks' opponent became de.
, monetlzed statesman, whilst Jinks
| acquired the euphonious title Of
Honorable Blowhard Jinks.
Jinks served his term in the
Legislature, became chairman Of the
committee on the regulation of
bootblacks, and made one motion
"a motion to adjourn for dinner,
and introduced one bill--a bill TO
pension demonetized statesmen.
Jinks returned home to his ad-
miring townsmen after the adjourn
ment OF the legislature, and Dragged
SO long and loud about his wonderful
achievements, that the people be-
came persuaded Jinks was indeed
mighty power in the land. At the
next election Jinks was sent to con-
gress by his constituents. There
he served his country much to the
benefit of Jinks' estate. He made
himself busy in sending seeds to
his constituents, patent almanacs to
his friends, and saw to it that pen
sions were paid promptly.
After two short years, another
political upheaval swept over the
political horizon, and the Honorable
Blowhard Jinks became retired
politician. But Jinks has saved his
salary, and he now makes good use
OF his time in buying mortgages and
loaning out his savings, saved whilst
IN the harness Of his country, at
compound interest, and posing as
an auto-biographer.
May long he wave and his shad-
ow never grow less.
ii.
DR.. KILLEM QuAcK.
The subject Of this sketch is over
five feet tall, and is as handsome as
a seven weeks old calf. He is mar
RED and has seventeen children.
lie acquired his brilliant education
in the common schools of this coun-
ty and out Of Hostetter's almanacs.
lie was born two years before the
war, and thusly was prevented from
serving in the ranks Of the ". S. A.
in the late unpleasantness. This
was indeed calamity, as the doc
tor cannot draw a pension, and is
forced by the course Of human
events, to hustle over the yellow
hills Of Dubois county at ten cents
mile to acquire bread and butter
or his better half and his numerous
progeny. DR.. killem Quack is a
Walking Encyclopedia on every
hing in the way OF knowledge on top
# earth. There is no politico-
urgical operation he cannot per-
orm with his eyes blindfolded,
nd there is no disease under the
un that he cannot paralyze in less
lme than his opponents in the per-
ssh can discover the nature of the
ilments.
DR.. Killen Quack is an honor to
imself and to his numerous prog
ny. May their number never grow
'ss. And may people open their
carts and their pocket-books and
ay their honest doctor bills, at
asst once every five years. MAY
le people remember that the doe
RS boys need bicycle shoes and
ncy caps, and his girls need hair
gor and silk dresses. And the
,ctOr's hoss eats oats, and oats
'sts spondoolicks. So listen to
g wailings Of the weary country
'ctor and come TO the rescue.
ont all speak at once. editor
III please not consider this an ad-
rtisement for the recovery Of lost
ods.)
LAWYER HAY WAGON.
Mr.. Hay Wagon, Esquire, is
arned man. He teaches school
living and practices law for
n, and in between-times he picks
any jobs that come along. He
as fat as Dutchman, as strong
an lrishman, RS jolly a. an
lgIishman, as suave as Scotch
IN, as polite as a Frenchman, as
amt as a Proosian, a. saucy as
osian, as pretty as a dago, as
ely as Red-man, as funny
q Huntingburg ward politician,
4 as cute as Jasper mash
de was born in the dark Of
moon, grew up with silver
ION, and lives on earth as il it
re balloon.
TE.-This is as much as the