davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23
HAD AN ASSORTMENT.
Queer Sign That Hangs over u Quaint Old
English Shop.


A reminder of the days of old is this
sign, said to be still hanging in Fal-
mouth England: Roger Giles Surgin
Parish Clark & Skulemaster, Groser 81
Hundertaker, respectfully informs ladys
and gentleman that he drors teef with
out wateing a mint, applies laches
every hour. blisters on the lowest tarms
and viZicks for penny a peace. He sells
Godfather'S kordaleS, kuts kOrns, bun
yOns, dOctersh Osses, clips dOnkies
vance a munth and undertakes to luke
arter eVerybodies nayls by the ear.
JOesharps penny wissels, brass kanel-
sticks. fryin pans, and other mOozikal
hinstrumints hat grately reydoOced fig
ers. Young ladys and gentlemen larns
their grammur and langeudge in the
purtlest mannar also CRATE care taken
off their morrels and spellin. Also
zarm-zinging, tachying the bass vial,
and oil other Zorts Of fancy work, squ
dis, pokers, weazels, and all country
dances tort at home and abroad at
perfekshun. Perfumery and snuff in all
its branches. AS times is cruel bad, |
begs to tell ee that i has just beginned
to sell all sorts Of stashonary ware, cox,
mems, NoulS, plS5 anu all DtIlcI hlIidS
of poultry. Blackin brishes, herrins,
coles, scrubbin brishes, traykel and
cooley Dukes ana bibles, mise traps,
brick dist, whisker seeds, mOrrel polk
kerankerchers, and all zorts Of swate-
mats, including taters, sassages and
other garden stuff, bakky, 2iZars lamp
oyle, pattins, bukkits, grinsin stones
and other aitables, corn and bunyon
salve and all hardware. ! as laid in a
large azzortmcnt Of trype, dog mate,
lollipops, ginger beer, matches and 9th
er pickles, such as hapsom salts, hOys-
ters, winner sOpe, anZetrar.-Old rags
bort and Zold here and nowhere else,
new-layde heggs by me Rogers Giles,
zinging burdes keeped, sich as howls,
donkies, paykoX, Holsters, crickets, also
q stock Of a celebrated brayder. =. s.
l tayches geography. rithmetic. cow
sticks, jimnastics and other shynees
tricks"
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23

by conservative authorities, 1t Is esti-
mated that there are 100 places In LaClsa-
wanna county in which intoNIcants are
sold without license other than from the
federal government Add to this the 400
licensed places which could not get Ii
Censes in any other Christian county in
the commonwealth, outside of the anthra-
cite coal regions, ana you have a total of
500 places-and the real total is properly
larger than this-whcreln the business OF
liquor-selling Is conducted Illegally. /
mention this point not because 1t Is some
thing new, but because it Is suggested
apropos of DIR. McLood's recent sermon
pitching into the judges for their gen
crosity toward the liquor interests. 1t
seems to me that while our Judges prob
ably deserve little touching up for their
work of one week ago, which in several
instances, according to testimony openly
presented before them, was utterly inde-
fcnsiblc; yet the problem Is very super
fclally skinned over when we connne our
criticisms to the three learned and honor
able gentlemen who. under the law. nom
inally grant or reject applications for Ii
cense to sell Intoxicating drink.
1t occurs to me during contemplation of
this subject that the action of the judges
was, after all, "A pretty accurate reflex of
the condition OF public opinion In Lacka-
wanna county. Nobody need fear that
when an active and alert majority Of the
inhabitants of that county want speak
ensies" to so and liquor licenses to be is-
sued In strict accordance with the rule
of absolute necessity, with rigid restrict
i've features and honest observance OF the
law, they will long be defeated In their
wish through lack of ways and means for
lts realization. Therefore, the thought
arises that IL there rs ever going to be
much visible regeneration in this commune
lty, on the subject of liquor selling and
temperance, somebody will have to get to
work with greater effectiveness and longer
continuity than characterize the occa-
sional scoring OF judges from newspaper
sanctums or pulpits, or the Intermittent
.jest which grects the return of the guile
less constable who can never see n Viola
ton of the liquor law after his palm has
been crossed. If our friends In the clergy
can suggest an adequate plan of campaign
now Is n good time for them to do II. We
certainly need one.
An occurrence In Washington, the other
day. is instructive. A woman In the FORE
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23
Saturday Reflections.

pains of maternity was placed in an am
bulance and taken successively to three
hospitals, at each of which she was de-
MED admission, owing to red-tape rules
until at last the poor creature was dellN-
cred in the ambulance, while 1t was Jolt
ing along over rough pavemcnts IN seafcn
of some more hospitable shelter The Of
ficinls of these hospitals, called TO account
by the newspapers of Washington, defend
their action by citing the danger TO the IN
mates Of their institutions which would
result from the hasty admission of promis-
cuous patients before time had elapsed for
IA searching examination. THE woman
one of them says, referring to the case
Just cited, may have been lnfectedN' TO
which horrible suspicion the Post peril
nently replies: at viii occur to most peo-
ple that she was likely to do quite as
much harm carrying her pitlful burden OF
infection from door to door and beg
ging for asylum among the residences or
the city as she could possibly have done
by entering Il hospital where all the appIi-
ances of skill ana science are supposed 20
be mt hand" This point Is shrewdly
taken. What, may we ask, are hospitals
for II not for the III and the diseased? 1t
is to be hoped that there viii never occur
In Scranton, n duplicate of this Washing
ton episode. Yet the rules governing our
hospitals are, | understand none too llcN-
ible.
The singular story reaches me that one
Of the prime movers In the pending crd-
sade against the night lunch wagons Ia n
woman, prominent in church work and ac-
tive In temperance reform. According TO
my informant she Is the owner of certain
property leased by keepers of restaurants
and beer saloons Her tenants object to
the competition of the hot frankfurter
men, aud In order to please them. she Is
moving to have the lunch wagons abol-
lshed. ] give the story for what II Is
worth, Withholding names: but right here
let me say that | don't believe 1t. | don't
believe that any woman could thus play
into the hands of the saloon business and
at the Same time successfully pretend 20
be actuated by the Christian spirit and
animated by motives OF philanthropy and
reform. There is much hypocrisy and
fake In this world, heaven knows; but II
IL impossible for me to believe that any
wcll-bred woman could be guilty OF adding
to the quality of sham In the manner here
In Indicated. The story Is no doubt ~
fiction. "'i,' ~ fHN
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23
Random Notes of
Life i'm London.
First Experience with Concert "Wait."
Ben Davies Magnificent Singing,

tened to with the keenest interest, and
the house was extraordinarily enthusi-
astic over it, poor Mr. Henschel being
forced to bow his head a most dizzying
number Of times after its rendition.
In the London Shops.
The shops are just as alluring as ever
before, If not more 50, the latest things
being the most beautifully noWered
silks and ribbons Floral designs Of
simply eXquisitely natural work are
fairly running riot over the silk and
satin textures in the windows lust now,
] remember saying once before that the
windows over here We're not very well
decorated, but | now hereby solemnly
retract that statement, or some Of it at
least, for many of the shop windows
are fairyland to see, especially those
where these beautiful fabrics are cum
ningly displayed, along with rare and
wonderful laces feathers, flowers and
everything else calculated 10 delight
the feminine eye.
remember telling you Of some queer
names borne by the hotels or inns in
Wales. Here are few more which ex-
ist right here in London: Hog in the
Pound is a hosiery on oxford street,
THE Three Old Tuns' Is one at Ken
sington, near Royal Albert hall, where
the oratorios are given. l pass "rhe
Running Horse on my way to the X.
a. NJ, and often see the Blue Bonnets
over the Border" when | wander down
towards High Holburn or the city on
financial errands. Did l tell you about
the Golden Canister" which is the
name Of a delightful candy shop down
on oxford street? l think that is a most
enticing name, don't you? But there
are number more, only 1 cannot recall
the perverse ones to my mind just now.
Sadie = Kaiser
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23
ABOUT CZAR NICHOLAS.
He Is Not SO Absolute as People some.
times Think.

times IhInk.
a cable dispatch states among many
other interesting items that the car
has an annual income Of 81, 500, ,OOO Ac-
cording to the theory Of the Russian
government the czar has no fixed in
come. He is an absolute monarch. in
the most stringent sense Of the word.
He owns every dollar Of Russian prop
erty, every foot Of Russian land and
every drop Of Russian blood. He is the
source Of all Of the power and privilege
and liberty which Russia enjoys. He
could send the millions Of manumitted
serfs back into slavery, and he could
reduce every man in the kingdom 10
absolute serfdom. He is absolute lord
Of life and death. There is no power in
the state that can limit or control his
authority. yThis is the bare theory Of
absoutism. and the establishment Of a
constitution, however limited. would
mean a radical change in the theory Of
the Russian state.
AS a practical working machine, OF
course an absolute monarchy is some
thing entirely different. It Is often
bound had and foot by red tape. Often
the absolute monarch is governed by
the circumstances Of his position. He
is controlled by Usages which he had no
hand in the making. The Mikado was
not only absolute monarch, but was
the son Of Heaven" amounting almost,
if not quite, 10 an object of worship.
But he was fastened by a court OF
etiquette which required revolution
to unite; and he enjoys more actual
power as a practically limited monarch
than he did as an absolute one. IN
truth, the only monarchs who ever eX-
ercise absolute power are men, like
Cromwell and Napoleon, who have
climbed to the height Of power by
actual genius. A man born in the pur-
pie is apt TO be governed by the con-
lifinnG that anN.irn, him
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23

Captain D. ID. Charles is the city editor
of the Chattanooga Times, and there
fore can appreciate how the types may
sometimes play strange pranks. But even
the captain was disgusted the other day
when he read in the Athens News a no.
tlce of the lecture he was booked to de-
liver In that place. His subject was to be
"Who Were the First Tennesseans?' hut
the compositor made It "Who Were the
First In Their Sins?" The mistake implies
n not altogether Inappropriate analogy be-
tween the first inhabitants of the state
and the original sinners.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23
ONE ON THE DOCTOR.
His Little Boy Describes the Origin of an
Office Skeleton.

From the Butte Miner.
a few days ago the little son Of a
wcll-known physician was entertain
ing a playmate at his fathers house.
As children will, they ransacked every
nook and corner of the building. Their
curiosity led them to explore the re-
ccses Of a closet i'm which the doctor
keeps his instruments and other
personal effects, among which is a COM
plete skeleton. The strange boy was
frightened when he first beheld the
Erinning remnant of what once had been
human being and started TO run away
The doctors son, however, had seen
the skeleton so often that he entertain
ed for it only that telling Of contempt
begotten by familiarity, and in little
while succeeded in 50 allaying the fears
OF his companion that the youngster
began to handle the thing and rattle its
dry ones. Where did your father get
it?" he finally asked. 81 don't know
was the reply; but I guess it was his
first patient, for he's had it an awful
long time"
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23
FACTS ABOUT CUBA.
Timely Data Concerning an Island That
VIII Belong 10 is.

FROM the Phlladelphld RECORD.
Cuba Is about as large as England
proper without the principality Of
Wales. It's greatest length Is 500 miles,
its narrowest part 20 miles, and its
average width about 40 miles. The cir
conference Of the island is 1000 miles,
and is supposed to contain 5000 square
miles. The nearest port to this con-
tlnent Is MatanZas, lying due south
from Cape Sable, Fla, a distance Of
only 13O miles. Havana is 60 miles
west Of Matanzas. The climate Is yari-
able, but snow never falls in Cuba. In
the cities and near the swamps yellow
fever prevails from the middle of June
to the last of October, but in the inter
ior of the island it is no more un-
healthy than in American, cities in
summer. The average temperature at
Havana Is H. the maximum SO, and the
minimum 50 degrees. The population
Of the island is about 1000, ,OOO Of which
100000 are Spaniards.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23
THE POSTER CRAZE.
People Who Have II Think Nothing What.
ever of Expenses.

ever of Expenses.
From the Philadelphia Press.
II would seem that the craze for coll
lecting advertising posters is spread
ing. The habit Of collecting something
or other seems to be born in man as
much as in the magpie or jackdaw. and
doubtless our prehistoric ancestors
swapped their rude drawings on bone
and prided themselves upon the divers
ity of their beads and archaic orna-
ments. Coin collecting is a we'll estab-
lshed fact; the postage stamp collcc-
tors support business houses and have
a literature of their own. and some
have been known to hoard up the little
boxes made in Italy that are sold On
the streets filled with wax matches.
But here comes the serious announce
ment from a publishing house that
owing to the demand for its posters a
few copies have been reserved for coll
lectors at so cents each" In other
words, there is a remarkable value for
the bilious looking pictorial notices
that startle one on the news stands.
Like many another craze this one
traces its birth to France, where three
or four years ago it suddenly sprang
into being, waXed fat and fiourished.
The collector boarded up huge rolls OF
pictured paper, intended primarily to
adorn the bill boards of the theatre or
to be spread over the blank walls Of
houses or the fences Surrounding
vacant lots. and was happy could he
but outdo by some reams of colored
paper his brother collector around the
corner. The necessary bulk of his
treasures did not bother him in the
least and the reproduction of the post
ers on a smaller scale and in book form
was only of use to him as a catalogue
of the originals. Now the craze has
spread to this country, and we may
expect to see enthusiastic gentlemen
of leisure having special rooms built
in which TO keep their cherished post
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23

Havana, the eighth commercial capi-
tai of the world, with a population of
400 900, has harbor populous with the
ships Of all nations. Moro Castle, with
its big guns pccping out through the
yellow stones and its sentinel light
house, stands guard over the narrow
entrance, with the battery Of La Punta
opposite. The city is rich in public
buildings, cathedrals and venerable
churches. The dwelling houses are uni
Versally so constructed as' to form an
open square in the center, which con-
stitutes the only yard or court attached.
The house is divided into living room,
q store room, chambers and stable
these all upon one iloor-while the fam
lily vehicle blocks up in part the only
entrance, which is used in common by
horses, ladies', slaves and gentleman
callers. The rooms are lofty and the
floors succeed or tiled in marble, while
the walls and ceiling are frequently or
namented in fresco. The most striking
pecularity of the town house in Cuba
is the precaution taken to render it safe
against sudden attack, each accessible
window being secured with stout iron
bars from top to bottom. while bullet
proof doors bar the entrance. The
Cuban ladies rarely stir abroad except
in a vehicle, and in consequence the
feet Of the senoritas are maryels of
smallness and delicacy. Their voices
are sweet and low, while the subdued
tone of their complexion is relieved
by the arch vivacity of night-black
eyes. But the domestic affections are
not cultivated-in fact, home to the
average Cuban is only a place to sleep.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23
THE WITTY AUTOCRAT.
"Reminiscences of the Perennial Hamor of
DIR. Holmes.

From the Worcester Gazette.
1t was DIR. Holmes who remarked
that though women tempted men to eat.
he had an idea that Eve had nothing to
do with his drinking, He took to that
on his own account. on another occa-
sion, at a dinner party, he remarked
with affected gravity: II really must
not smoke so persistently. ] must turn
over new leaf-a tobacco leaf-and
have a cigar only after each"-Here
he paused and the company thought he
was about to say "meal." but he con-
tinued: after each cigar"
When the smile ran round the table
he leaned back in his chair and said:
"A foreigner is an alien a foreigner
who drinks too much Is bacchanalian;
should not foreigner who smokes too
much be called tobacconalian 2"
Here we have the distinct pun, and
that. too, on only part of a word. The
habit of punning sticks to u man like
tfeihabit of smoknig.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23

Heu, ledNlliS MIS-. SlFakOScn WIN llIlle
or nothing. Years ago, in the heyday
Of her prosperity, the singer intrusted
George w. Stebbins, the well-known
banker, with the first fortune she had
accumulated. This was also consider
able. Miss Kellogg had ample reason
to rely on Mr.. Stebbins, as it was
through his efforts that she had been
able to secure an education and lead
ing position on the lyric stage. He OBJ
tained for her as far back as 1868, an
engagement in London, and she was
thus able to establish her claim to rec
ognition. Mr.. Stebbins' speculation on
her behalf went wrong, and she was
left without a dollar. Her splendid
voice was still magnet at that time,
however. and before long she was once
more wealthy.
A BALLADE OF DRESS:
Dress! dress! dress!
Idol and fetish supreme
Of the female part of the human race.
Womans nocturnal dream,
WOman's durnal theme,
That can nurse her eyes to beam
with an utterly joysome gleam,
As,
Despsng,
Eulogl2ing,
Critclsing,
Analysing,
She harps with Il fcversh, eager stress
ON dress. dress! dress.
Dress, dress! dress!
Bane of the poor male worm,
Who in rawlings about it must acquesce
For seemingly endless term
While the ladies' compel the germ
OF madness 10 start and squirm
In a brain that was shrcwd and firm.
As
EXeCrating,
Deeply hating.
Objurgating
COmminating,
He wishes the world did no curse possess
Like drcssl dress! dress.
London Fun.
An unknown contributor to one Of the
newspapers draws this strong indict-
ment of the modern woman, which we
reprint. but do not indorse: Good
manners are supposed to typiy unset
fish consideration, and ii is that exact
quality the average woman lacks. She
is sharp and pcremptory with the girl
who serves her across the counter or fits
her to a bonnet; she glareS at the con-
ductor who stops his car the fewest feet
beyond the crOssing-stOn and calmly
continues to hold her place at a crowded
counter, though she is only waiting for
change, and knows there are dozens Of
women behind her eager to examine the
,g,.N Oh, I, tel haF
inspection. She refuses to cling 10 a
strap in a cable car, but stumbles over
peoples feet in the aisle until some
tired man in despair gives her his seat
to get rid Of the annoyance. She gos-
sips and laughs Checrfully through the
overture to the opera, because 1t does
not interest her For the reason that
her new hat is becoming, and because
her own seat at the play is good, she
continues to wear a feather-piled abom-
nation to the theater and lets her nus
band or brother go out between every
act If he likes provided he does not
crush her gown or toes in his awkward,
inconvenicnt passage. Yet in general
estimation, and according to her own
lights. she is q well-mannered woman
who holds with the majority Of her
class that shop girls and horse car con-
ductors are to be kept in subjection
only by an insolence equal to their own;
that having paid for a seat at any pub
lie gathering. her rights are supreme;
ana that really good manners, gentle,
unselhsh consideration Of thought and
action. are meant only for bestowal on
asaF 70 II
wasted on servants and Interiors
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23

There probably never was n greater in
stance of misplaced confidence than was
shown when the able legislators of Penn
sylvanla incorporated into the municipal
act OF 1859 a provision requiring council
men to serve without pay. The idea be-
hind this action was that the nominal IL
vesting of the Office Of councilman of its
perquisites and emoluments would cause
Il rush among the good and holy men of
each community TO immediate themselves
upon the altar Of their clty's welfare.
When it was suggested TO the trainers Of
this act that n directly contrary result
might follow, the suggestion was secuted.
1.-THE great trouble with councils now"
they said-this, you remember, was in 1889
lis that they care more for the dollar
per capita per session than they do for the
interests Of the dear people. Cut off this
source Of proiit'-amounting on the aver
age to the muniilCont sum of $50 or $50 n
yearl-"and n reputable class of citizens
will have to take the office of councilman
because the other fellows will pass II by
in cold disdaln." The theory was n beauti-
full one perfectly applicable to chcrublm
and imbecilcs; but 1t suffered n rude shock
when II bumped up against the omnipros-
ent type Of gentleman and scholar known
in politics as the great American boodlor.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-03-23

This interesting development of our free
institutions, far from being dlsmayed at
the loss of his dollar n session, merely
spat on his hands and went In to VIM
with redoubed energy ana enthusiasm.
The expenses OF his biennial campaigns.
hitherto nominal, rose quickly by nftles
and hundreds until now II H. n rare thlng
for a councilman OF this partlcular-and
not uncommon-type to spend less than
$500 in getting elected to position of
trust which does not on the surface. re-
imburse him to the extent of one red
penny. 1t may be argued that he freely
contributes this liberal fund out OF the
goodness Of his generous heart, and from
motives intimately connected with the
public welfare. There Is, of course, Il
great deal OF truth In this assertion, as any
one who has inside experience In the mu-
ncipal building will freely attest. Yet
still hold to the opinion that the trainers
of that act Of 80 made Il mistake In deprv-
ing the tlrqi councilman of his dollar a
day; for thS temptation that this depriva-
tlon exposeN him TO IL, | fear. more than
most weak iren can withstand.'t