Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-02-07
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND Do
lNGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed %
Have Been Recently Born-Sayings and
Doings that Are Odd, Curious, and Laugh
abEe--The Weeks Humor.
Let Us AL LAUGH.

| TO the cOlOfeu Culprlt, ito tell the whole
truth" 'De whole truth, subj Eyes"
| 'Jedge, jes' gimme six monthsv-At-
lanta Constitution
| Mistress-You broke my Sevres plate.
| You are discharged. How did you
break it? Servant carelessly drop
| ped one of the biscuits you made yes
terday on it.-Woonsocket Reporter.
'Ah, Jack, did your rich old uncle re-
| member you in his WHIP Jack-Yes,
| he inserted a clause requesting his ex-
ecutors to collect at once all the loans
| he had made me.-BostOn Bulletin.
| Brace-I paid man $40 to-day for
carrying my overcoat. Bagley-Isn't
| that all extravagant price? Brace
| Oh. | don't know, he had carried it
since last spring.-Smith, Gray & Co.'s
Monthly.
Behold the felicitous father
His daughters wedding when at,
| Supporting the bride to the altar,
| And the bride and the groom after
| that.
Atlanta Constitution.
"Good-by, Old Slow!' shouted the
bicycle. ''You are not in my class >"
| Anyway" retorted the cart horse, 81
am not as awkward as you are. /
don't fall down standing still."-Cin-
cinnati Tribune
| Bobby = You ought to see my big
sister. Everybody says she's beau
ty. JOHNNY bet she can't hold a can
die to my sister fer looks. Why, my
! sister sold twenty-five tickets for a
charity concert-Good News.
He Mrs. Swelltop certainly is
beautiful woman. She carries all be-
fore her. She (spitefully)-Force of
habit, suppose. l hear she was wait
ress before Swelltop married her,
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Empec-I can't understand how
man can love woman who has a
physical deformity, can you? Empec
oh, l don't know; I shouldn't think
less of a woman who was tongue-tied.
p. & S. S. Co.'s Bulletin.
| Schooimate "Why do you never
touch your piano?' Miss Thumper-
| yves buying it on installments."
''What difference does that make?"
| 'I'm afraid if paw should hear me
play, he'd stop paying. Good News.
"What do you think of these cggs?''
whispered the lean boarder. 'SThese
eggs" responded the fat boarder,
whose occupation was that of adver-
Using clerk in newspaper office, ''are
too late to classify Chicago Tribune.
"When I was down in Texas said
tie returned drummer, ~ found just
one busy man. He had the salt rheum
and a Waterbury watch. When he
wasn't scratching himself he was wind
ing his watch" Chicago Tribune.
'.Iere I have to talk three hours be-
| fore you will even let me have dol
lar "Well, isn't that pretty good pay
for doing what you take a delight in?
You would talk anyhow, even If you
didn't get cent" indianapolis Jour-
| nal
| She was a new telephone girl
/ "What number, please?" lone hum
dred and fifteen" Il didn't catch
that" zone hundred" "Yes|
"And fifteen" "All right. Here is
100 Fifteen is busy just now,
Harper's Bazaar.
Mrs. Quizby-Why didn't you sell
your house after you advertised it2
scription that the real-estate agent
gave Of it we thought it would be a
paradise lost if we id.-Philadelphia
| Inquirer.
II don't believe in that proverb,
| Marry in haste and repent at leisure"
said Cynicus. "Why noty" asked Rit-
| terhouse. ''It strikes me as being
good "Ah,' said Cynicus, .sbut you
| forget. The married man has no lei
sure ''-Harper's Bazaar.
you're not cousin Or anything.
like that of our fair hostess, are your
| ''No, nothing of the Sort 'Well, did
you ever attend such stupid affair in
your life?' "Ye-es, good many. r.
I'm her husband, you see, and have.
to."--New York Recorder.
Tramp-About year ago came by
| and you gave me an old vest. You may
not know it, madam, but there was q
| SIS note in that vest. Lady of the.
| House-Mercy! Have you brought it
back! Tramp-Not much! I've come.
| for another vest.-Tit-Bits.
Stranger - Zum Donnerwetter, now
you have cut my chin a second time. If
you can't shave better than that, you.
will lose all your customers pretty
quick. BARRIERS Apprentice-Not att
all! | am not allowed to shave the reg
ular customers yet. only shave
strangers!- IF liegende Blaetter-