The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-15
TOLD BY A BICYCLE.

am n bicycle.
Not such us, swept along by the full tide
of power, the conqucror leads to crimson
glory and undying fame, but IL plain, ordi-
nury-no, not an ordinary" but a safety
bicycle for hire.
True, am in Il good state Of repair and
am as comfortable us my keepers c;ni
mako mo, but am not dcckcd in ribbons
and nurturcd in commodious quarters and
ridden only by the aristocracy over smooth
pavemcnts and for short distances.
never oven had such luck when 1 first
came from the factory. l thought I was
going To fall into that good fortune, but Il
man took me on trial-that is To say he
took me on the installmcnt plan and tried
to pay for nc. but couldn't, and was
forced to return me ut the end of IL month
and then | was only good enough to &c
among the hrclngs, and there l have
staid ever since. Goodness me- how lonp
it seems since got the first wrench TO my
steel ribs and Ind my frame skinned
against tree box,
was born Il combination whccl-that
Is, YOU can take ont my spinal column
and then can he ridden by II lady not in
bloonicrs, and thank my stars no bloomcrs
have ever Yet cnvclopcd me in their folds
That time the man had me on trial |
think, was my most uncomfortable expert
cncc, Tor he WAS ;srccn ut the business, and
so was /, and the result was that both of
us got bumps innumcrablc, and, though
he cano ont nf it with II twisted knee and
spraincd ankle, and y barkcd nose, and n
lame arm, and u hurt back, and black
eye, with few other incidental casuali-
ties, l was nothing to brag of myself
That's why when he had to give mo up
they put me on the hircling list
But / MAS ryunripuccl md that yrnc
something.
n bicycle has Il good deal to learn when
it first leaves the factory.
People who came to hire wheels looked u
little shy at me rs l stood quietly in nv
rack and then passed me by, but not for
long. My keepers put u new coat of en-
amol on me and otherwise put me in shape,
and thereafter l became quite popular.
Riders who had me out for IL spin when
theY returned would say they didn't know
why il was, but | seemed to be more in
telligcnt than other wheels they had tried.
and l was not half as liable to make II
sudden swcr.c and bang into IL wagon in
the street or into II yatcpost or over u
bank or to do any of the 10 dozen other
things Il bicycle is likely to do when the
rider is least expecting it.
OF course l knew this myself and was
constantly trying to please, just rs any
other public servant is, for hadn't + had
enough of bang and batter with that in
stallmcnt plan party? l guess yes, and
am sure properly regulated bicycle knows
when it has had enough.
Sometimes, though, l couldn't help be-
ing little frisky. Once L remember an
athletic sort of u fellow took mo out. and
for six mortal hours he pctlalcd me all over
every road in the suburbs, rough and
smooth, aud almost drove every bit of
breath out of my tires. | submitted be-
cause couldn't well do otherwise, but the
time Of my revenge was mt hand. He was
pumping mo along bit of pleasant coun-
try road where tho shade would have been
very grateful to me if he had only run
along slowly, when no caught up with IL
pretty girl on an awfully ornamental
wheel.
could hear him laugh with n chucklc
mt his luck, and he sailed alongside of her
and began talking. OF course he had no
business to, but bicyclists that way are
not SO extremely formal, and she talked
back ut him, and it wasn't long until he
WAS entirely absorbed in the girl and was
leaving all the rest of tho matter to me
Then pricked up my ears ard got ready,
and all at once, when we came to n good
place, took II header into IA ditch. The girl
screamed, the man sworc and l lay over
OH my side helpless but happy. He and
rode homo in II passing pie wagon, the girl
disappeared, and it cost him 81 for repairs.
1 don't know why it is; but, after some
years of experience, / am prepared TO rs
sert that II fat woman weighing 200
pounds is just twice rs heavy rs IL fat man
of the Same weight. If some scientist will
explain this, he will do all of us bicycles "a
great favor. However, ! don't care very
much about it, because | made it con
venicnt to dump the fat lady ono evening
into u pond of water and She came so near
drowning that She has organized crusade
against the wheel and has bought an inter-
est in n patent antiat remedy
But there was another woman--ah, me-
what IL delight it was TO go flying with
her! Sho was Il dainty little creature,
light rs u fairy and strong rs wire, and
she knew where all the prctticst places
were, and there we went together and she
drew pictures of sylvan scenes while /
leaned up against Il tree and watched her
by the hour. Ono day Il handsome young
follow wheeled by, and they nodded pleas
nntly, She blushing IL hi; ana he smiling.
several days after that they came TO my
place together. and she took mo away with
her for three days. That was IL delight to
me, for we went far OF by easy stages, and
the young man on his own wheel-a
beauty it was, toI--Wcnt with us
There were others in the party. but my
interest was in these two, and paid no
heed 10 what the others did or where they
went. The third day IS we were bowling
homeward ny lady appeared TO he i'll at
ease, and there were times when, if | had
not had all my wiis about me. we would
surely have Gonu oil The road and OYER the
hanh into whatever may hiyr been below
i..tNs stt