Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-01-31
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD ~ FUNNY MEN
or THE PRESS
Many Odd. Curious, and Langhabns 1hases
Of Human Nature Graphically Hsse.uysd
BY Eninsnt Word Artists Of OurDw8 n
"A Budget of Fun. e.~'


When young lady calls q young
man a bore 1t doesn't augur wen for
the fellows chances.--Atlanta Journal.
A man has close call when he
leaves an Office and is yelled after to
come back and close the door.-Picay-
une
There's a new play out called "A
Railroad Ticket" A good many actors
have been looking for it-Philadel-
phia Inquirer.
Spacer: what can say In this
obituary Of Lusher, the bartender
Liner: "Work in something about his
having smile for everybody. -
Truth.
A photographer whose photographs
are perfectly likenesses will get on In
the world about as fast as newspaper
without a waste basket.-New York
Recorder.
McSwatters: "It's very funny"
Mrs. McSwatters: What is?" Nc
SKATERS: "Why, when the doctor
treats me always have to pay for it."
Syracuse Post.
He: II never smoke cigarette
without thinking what a fool l am"
She: II didn't know befOpe that there
was any virtue in cigarettes at ALL
Detroit Free Press.
Miss Read: "Have you 'Premetheus
! Unbound?" Miss New Clerk: "No;
we do not deal in any pamphlet liter
AZURE, all our books have covers on
Pittsburg Dispatch.
Little Georgy: Papa, why do you
say that the pen is more powerful than
the swordY Papa: Because you
cannot sign checks with a sword
Revue Anecdotique.
Dasher: II hear that you we've in a
free fight last night" Smasher:
Free fight! Not on your stay here. !
paid $40 and costs for it this a. NJ
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Magistrate Ito witness) "Why
didn't you go to the help Of the defend
ant in the fightY Witness-'I didn't
know which one of them was gsing to
be the defendant" In
quirer.
A nosegay rising to majestic height;
| A feather with q mastodOnic curl;
A wilderness Of bows and laces light,
And somewhere meath the fluffy
heap a girl.
Washington Star.
II was sorry to hear that yeur hus-
band Is SICK" said the caller. YES"
was the reply. 1T was really too bad.
He took such liking to a new kind OF
health food that he overate himself
Washington Star.
81 saw in society paper that ad-
vanced women have practically ban
ished punctuation points from their LETT
ter writing" Perhaps they do not
wish to be known as women Of the
period."-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Scraps (reading)-"Then David
rose up and cut off the skirt Of Saul's
robe privily." Mrs. Scrapps-"Well,
what does that signify" Mr.. Scraps
THAT Mrs. Bloomer, at best, was a
plagiarist. cleveland Plaindealer.
Jeweler: 1.-THE inscription yen wish
engraved on the inside Of this ring I
understand is 'Marcellus to Irene"
Young man with embarrassMent::
Eyes, that's right. But-er-don't cut
the Irene deep."-Baltimore Tele-
gram.
Little Reggie: 81 don't b'lieve the
Lord cares cent for good boys"
Fond Mother: Horrors! What put
that idea into your headw Little Re-
gle: "He hardly ever makes good boys
strong enough to lick bad boys" =
Good News.
An Irishman recently applied for an
enlistment in United States army re-
cruiting Office. "Do you know any
thing about drillingY asked the officer.
81 do" answered Pat. Its 12k cents
q yard at any Of the dry-goods stores"
London Globe.
"By Jove, Wilkes, your column of
personal gossip in the last number of
your paper was the raciest thing I
know. Where did you get all the in
formationY' my wife had the sewing
circle at our house last Saturday, and 1
concealed a photograph in the room"
-Harper's Bazaar.
cit is wonderful what progress has
been made in the way of machinery"
remarked Mr.. Figg. II see that there
has been a machine invented that can
make a complete pair Of shoes In six
teen minutes. Why, that Is even
faster than Tommy can wear them
ut"-Indianapolis Journal.
Head of firm: Young man, I under
stand that you have been winning at
poker lately" Steele Penn: swell,
sir, I hope you will overlook 1t this
time" Head of firm: Certainly, but
l want you to come around to the
house tonight My wife Is getting up
a little game."-New York Herald.
Loretta examining her forehead for
wrinkles): Say, Bess, what do you
think the surest sign Of advancing
years in a woman?" Bess: "Well, I
should say that when she writes to the
friends of her youth and has - direct
all her letters to married names 1t was
the surest sign she was getting aiong."
New York World.
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Ho Squared Himself.
MAJ rtorIoo T1oIdau noctor ~ A.