Bennington semi-weekly banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 1894-1902, 1895-04-12
BUCKS NEW CLOTHES


Eye at SCottdale, Ky.
The Eye was small sheet and was
printed on a press that took an impression
with loud slap. All the announcements
that our paper uttered were strong, for it
required but few flaps of our press to
turn the hair lines of light faced type into
the black swipes of boldest exclamation.
We lived in the ofIice-cost us no rent,
as it was believed to be haunted-and took
our meals wherever we happened to find
them.
We had been running along for several
months when one night, as Buck and
lay on the floor smoking, he turned to me
and said:
II am in love-"
"What!" l exclaimed
II am in love, say. Give me match"
He relighted his pipe, pulled awhile and
continued:
FINEST looking woman you eversaw-
fat, weighs about twice as much as do,
but she's beautiful Never met her until
day before yesterday. Went down to the
bluff after bucket of water. She and old
Hillard wife were sitting near the spring,
eating "a lunch. asked them if they didn't
want some water. Girl said she did.
her. Won't you have some lunch2 she
asked. Well rather. / nibbled her chess
and crunchcd her crackers and snatched
the meat off the leg of chicken. 1 found
out hername-Miss Cregg-Helen, atthat.
l have met her several times since then.
She gave me a poem for The Eye. Well
print it, though it's tough. Now, don't
object Well print her matter now, and
inI bn1y off
Got an appointment with her tomorrow.
She lives ten miles out in the country, but
a lover can walk that distance without
any trouble"
went out into the country, and upon
returning, after n stop of several days.
Buck told me that he was engaged.
This is nonsense" said l.
How so?" he asked in surprise.
why, you have got nothing to get
married on"
Get married on credit" said he
'That's all very well, but you've got no
clothes, and there's not man in town
would credit you with a suit"
"Oh, the question of suit of clothes is
settled. The county clerk will give $40
for printing the delinquent tax list and
with that amount of money can get a
first class outfit. went down to see the
proprietor of the wooden mill, and he told
me that for So he would sell me enough
jeans to answer my modest purposes. /"
l went with him. The jeans was of q
yellowish cast and was woven in ribs that
were almost as coarse as gridiron, and,
still worse, it was greasy and smelled like
a wet dog.
We printed the tax list, and Buck took
the goods to a tailor The old fellow
turned away and held his nose when it
was unrolled.
IN take EN-" the tailor said, "but
you must have the cloth shrunk first.
"That's all right Let me put them on,
and they may shrink until they get tired
Push the work on as fast as you can, for
an exceedingly important event depends
on these clothes. III be around to try them
on tomorrow"
Early one cold but beautiful morning
we hired a shackly old hack and set out
for the residence of the brides father. A
drug clerk had given us box of cigars
and onward we went gayly smoking.
think that they were the worst cigars
have ever seen. They burned like a piece
of hickory, and when we attempted to
knock off the ashes it was rare that the
cigar escaped being broken in two.
Buck, you are sure the girl loves your"
asked.
cor course l am. Do you reckon she's
marrying me for money!
You are not going to compel her to
sleep in the office, are you?"
No. she'll stay with Mrs.-forget the
name-until can sorter fix up little"
But suppose you do not succeed in fix.
ing upY"
well, then she'll either have to stay
with Mrs. SLOUGH or go back home.
What the deuce is that odor? Whcw! 1
never smelled anything as bad. 1t almost
takes MY breath"
Its your Clothes" l answered.
why do you persist in making fun of
my wardrobe? From the very first you
have spoken ungenerously of these gar
ments. You have not only spoken ill of
their appearance, but have slandercd them
by declaring that they smell bad. As ia sin
gle and consequently a thoughtless man 1
could bear insults, but as a married man
AS man who feels the responsibilities
of life-1 must protest against a continu-
ance of indignities. BY George, what is
1t that smells sop
Just then Buck lifted the blanket, and
a volume of smoke rolled out We stopped
the horses and jumped out of the hack.
The tails of Bucks coat were burned
off, having caught from one of our hick-
ory cigars.
What ought 1 to do-jump in the creek
or bury myself"
There was in my mind a sharp fight be-
tween the ludicrous and the sympathetic,
but finally pity babe the ludiCrOus lie
down.
1T is unfortunate, said l, but not
fatal. 1t is but little farther to the house
of your father-in-law'-
Stop" he said, holding up his hand.
Enough! Speak not of wives nor of ia
theirs in-law. Get in, and we will go back
to town. Farewell vain ambition" he
continued, waving his hand, FAREWELL"
-Opie Read in Banner of Gold.