The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-05-22

a hasty retreat in the face of supposed
| defeat when the father broke forth again
"Yes, sir, swore to be revenged, and now
I'll strike the father through the son
Want my daughter, eh? Well, take her
| and may she prove as expensive to you
as she Is to me-" The old man dropped
into his chair, worn out with the excite
ment OF his plot, and the young man
fainted.-London Answers.
The Hartford Times says an invention
has been perfected In that city by which
an ordinary coal fire, without the aid OF
dynamo or battery, will supply all the
electrical light and power that could be
desired in household. The generator,
which resembles a cheap stove, Is said to
have supplied 11O-volt current for the
last three years, operating a pump and
running other machinery, and Is still as
good as new. Five ordinary incandescent
lamps, 1t Is stated, are maintained at a
cost in consumption of coal Of 1c. an hour.
The device involves the union Of two met
ais in multiplication of wedge-shaped
bits of alloy, with various appliances to
prevent oxidiZatIon. Full confidence Is
expressed by the Hartford paper In the
practical success of the invention. which
has the support of some Of the leading
DuSlHeSS men OF tnat city,
EMBARRASSING
a young lady was taking her nephew,
aged years, by train. when gentleman
whom she knew entered the same COM
partment.
After vainly endeavorlng to make friends
with the baby boy, the gentleman said:
well, viii you give me a kiss?" The
baby looked from him to his auntie as he
answered.:
mo. baby won't; but auntie will"
Foreign Exchange.
FOUND HER VOICE:
1t was in big dry-goods store and the
clerks were weary. Consequently their
usually indistinct utterances were posi-
lively incomprehensible and their manner
more arrogant than ever. "How much Is
this ribbon?" demanded would-be GUS
toner. "Nintecentsyar," was the intelli-
gible reply. Il beg your pardon?" said
the customer. "Ninetcentsyar, repeated
the clerk. II cannot understand you"
protested the buyer "NInetycentsyar,"
mumbled the clerk. The customer looked
a little daunted. Then she recovered her.
self. "Ah / understand" she said 81 see
that French, Spanish and German are
spoken here. But should like to be wait
ed on by one of the English-speaking
clerks" And the clerk recovered her
voice.-Chicago News.
Here Is another of Eugene Fields recol-
leGtions OF "Teddyv Roosevelt: Ropse-
velts ranch away out west adjoins the
possessions of the Marquis de Mores, a
person whose inflammability of temper
and whose violence of vengeance are no.
torious. One time Roosevelt got letter
from the marquis demanding an explana-
tion of certain representations that had
been made to him, a matter, as we now
recall, involving the charge that Roose-
welt had been melting discomfort among
the marquis employees. Roosevelt imme-
diately mounted his horse and rode over to
his neighbor's. He did not indulge in any
correspondence at all; he preferred to get
right at the kernel of the affair by having
n personal interview with the marquis
"a man who writes a letter of that kind
must want something" said Roosevelt.
$50 I've come over to see what you want"
IT am entirely satisfied" said the Mar
quis de Mores, as blandly as you please.
Your explanation assures me that the
information which disturbed me was
wholly incorrect" OF course, there had
been no explanation; but the marquis had
tact enough to perceive that 1t would be
better to yield gracefully rather than run
the risk of getting an injured face.
PRESS PROVERBS:
The ideal husband is still a bachelor.
The strongest influence Is always ex-
erted at short range.
Affinity is the chief reliance Of the d.
vorce courts.
Justice is higher than law, in that 1t is
retroactive.
1t is always difficult to draw the line
between weakness and willingness.
The unmarried woman Is always In
danger of becoming a youthful prodigy.
A man may do good work in the world
and still continue to say: II done It,"
Everything that goes out with the tide
doesn't necessarily come back with it.
A woman is never too old to marry; but
she is sometimes too old to be asked.
Even If a man could read his own obit-
uary it isn't likely he would recognize it,
Two wrongs do not make a right, but
they often produce about the same effect.
Too many people are in the habit of
using the conscience of others instead Of
their own.
The English papers never tire of printing
the following joke, which was old even In
George Washington's day: In st. Paurs
one day guide was showing an American
gentleman round the tombs. THAT SIR"
said the man, 'his the tomb Of the greatest
naval zero Europe or the whole world ever
knew-Lord Nelson's. This marble sar-
weighs forty-two tons. Hin.
side that is a steel receptacle, weighing
twelve tons, and hinside that Is a leaden
casket, 'ermetically sealed, weighing two
tons. Hinside that Is a mahogany coffin,
'olding the hashes of the great 'ero"
WELL" said the Yankee, after thinking
awhile, 81 guess you've got him. If he
ever gets out of that, telegraph me at my
expense"
JUST IN JEST:
Doctor I am troubled with shooting
pains in my face" Eyes, madam; YOU
use too much powder.'-Bangkok Times.
II would die for youv'passionately ex-
claimed the rich old suitor; and the prac-
teal girl calmly asked him: How soon?"
-Somerville Journal.
Harry-We met. Twas IN crowd.
Belle-Much of a crowd? Harry-Well,
her mother was there.-The American.
He: "Can you give me any good reason
for liking these impressionist pictures"
She: "Yes. indeed; they can be hung
either side up with equally good effect."-
Answers.
Hell think your family name is such
line one. She-Do you? I'm beginning to
get dreadfully tired Of 1.-THE American.
In the Coming Time-First New Woman
That Mrs. Umphry is horribly lacking In
Second New Woman--What's
the matter? First New Woman-I saw
her In a street car the other day, when a
number of gentlemen entered, and she
npyof offprp1 N piva nv, bar uaot t, to-.