The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-07-24
THAI PICNIC.
wSsglesworth Starts Out Fer Fun. and he
Gets 1t.

Mr.. Wigglesworth, bustEng into the house
with such precipitation that the hired girl
closed the refrigerator door, shutting her
own hand in it and standing for some mo-
ments screaming.
s'Why, what is it?'' 1uttered Mrs Wig
ellsworth, running down from her room
''What is it?'' echoed her husband.
ftWhat ye s'pose it is when man gets a
day off? It's picnic, that's what it is,
and We want to be lively about it if ye're
going with me-"
Mr.. Wigglesworth proceeded to induce
himself into new light flannel suit that
he had had made especially for vacation
purposes.
~ viewing the effect in glass.
''What ye doing?" he called to his wife,
who was running distractedly about with
one hand clutching pair of curling tongs
that were fastened in her hair.
''Oh, dear nlei' returned Mrs. Wiggles-
worth. 81 don't know what I shall do,
with the lunch only half put up, and Mary
cut her hand on tin can, and can't find
my curling tongs anywhere. y
"What ye want to do is to come out of
yer trance" advised Mr.. Wigglesworth
as he pointed out the tongs.
GIVE got ever SO many things" Mrs.
Wigglesworth replied some olives and
some graham crackers and two lemons and
all those things"
''Any pie or cake9" her husband asked
"Well, you KNOW Mrs. Wigglesworth
explained ''we had that last pie yester-
day, and Mary was going to bake cake
this afternoon"-
"Humph!'' Mr.. Wigglesworth broke in
"Healthy dinner We'll have off a raw lem
on and three or four green olives. Better
take along few dried prunes, hadn't ye?
Some roasted coffee wouldn't go bad or
few new potatoes so long as they amt
cooked. Delmonico'n want ye soon's he
hears of ye."
They got started finally, little Willie
Wigglesworth and his mother carrying the
heavy basket between them, while Mr..
Wigglesworth bore an umbrella and fan.
It was a considerable walk to the spot
near the beach, where some trees made
down to the shore and bit of turf spread
its green surface invitingly.
''A-a-a-h-hl' sighed Mr. Wigglesworth
as he sank contentedly. "This is something
like it,
He paused to extract large, dark ant
that was trying to get down the neck of
his flannel shirt.
Soon Mr.. Wigglesworth fell into a doze,
while Mrs. Wigglesworth spread forth the
lunch and sent Willie to house half a
mile distant for pail of water, a proceed
ing which filled that young man with Bit
ter resentment.
81 call this fun, she chirped as later
they sat about and ate their hard boiled
eggs and other delicacies. 'sIt is really
quite romantic, don't you think, EIlery?"
"What baker dye get this bread fron?'
Mr.. Wigglesworth returned. "Never saw
so many holes in a loaf of bread in my life.
Must have used up his whole supply
Mr.. Wigglesworth laughed aloud at this
unexpected witticism and so did Mrs. Wig
ellsworth after it was pointed out to her,
and then Mr.. Wigglesworth sent Willie
back home for cigar. While the boy,
with anger burning in his heart was gone
on this mission and Mrs. Wigglesw
was clearing up the dishes Mr.. Wiggles-
worth strolled down on the beach.
b George" he cried, "if here amt
boat''
Don't touch it, Ellery,'' said his wife.
''YOu know how dangerous it is to get
into a boat on picnic-people fall into
the water and get drowned"
'sPohP' retorted Mr.. Wigglesworth.
aye talk as if 1 was a boy. Don't ye
s'pose 1 know how to manage little fat
bottom thing like this? F I didn't I'd go
| bag my head
Moved to reckless daring by the opposi-
ton of his wife, Mr.. Wigglesworth unfas-
tened the boat, pushed it into the water
! and compelled Mrs. Wigglesworth with
|
''There!'' he cried triunphantly as he
adjusted the oars. "Don,t see anything
! wrong about this do ye? What's the mat
ter with this for picnic?'
With such spirit of boasting Mr. Wig
| ellsworth splattered about digging the oars
very deep in the water and poking them
very high in the air while the boat wabbIed
painfully and Mrs. Wigglesworth repeated
1y swallowed her heart and gave vent to
little screams.
"What ye SO scarf about?" pulled Mr..
Wigglesworth, bruising his knuckIes on
the oar. Don't l tell ye the boats sitter
than farm wagon?'
To demonstrate this and give his wife at
he same time another little scare Mr.
Wigglesworth jumped playfully to one
side, and in flash they were in the water.
A man fishing beyond Outer island said
afterward that he heard Mrs. Wiggles-
worth's scream, while the roar that Mr..
Wigglesworth gave vent to caught the at
tention of hired man haying half a mile
away.
Mrs. Wigglesworth, buoyed by her
| skirts, beat the water frantically with her
hands, and so spun about rapidly, scream
ing in six eight time, staccato movement,
while her husband, thrashing the waves
madly with his arms and legs, rolled over
and over and swallowed several quarts OF
brine. When his mouth was uppermost,
he would yell, and then he would go IN
der and load up with more water.
The hired man arrived on the scene, and
Mrs. Wigglesworth saw him instantly.
"Oh, helpl Helpl" she screamed.
"Helpsh - shwash - shwash-helpsh! %
beloved Mr.. Wigglesworth and then he
went under.
''Stand upI" cried the hired man.
"HelpshwashI' yelled Mr.. Wiggles-
worth, rolling up again. ''I'm drown
ingshP'
"Stand up, you old foolI'' roared the
hired man. 1.-THE water amt more fou1
feet deep. Stand up!'"
Putting and blowing and leaking at ev-
cry pore, Mr.. Wigglesworth dragged him.
self to land.