Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1895-02-12
NEVER AGAIN.

Why did I ever rush into print as the
apparent champion of anarchism and
bombs? Why did subsequently attempt
to repudiate the insinuation and try to
throw ridicule on the Russian and Lon
don police? Why, after my recent dis
comfiture over that dog license business,
do 1 appear again before the public?
"Conceit, 1 think hear you say,
"mere vanity and q morbid thirst after
notoriety." " 1t may be SO, but just at
present I am constrained to admit that
these are not the feelings which pre-
dominate in my bosom. On the contrary,
1 feel sufficiently humble to apologize
for my very existence and am only
driven to my present course by the feel
ing that recital of my latest expert
ence may prove warning to those of
my fellow creatures who, by persisting
in reckless waste of ink, hope to at
tain to fame.
How was to know there was real
Inspector Belville at Scotland Yard?
And-but, there, I had better begin at
the beginning. 1t was about a week aft
er the appearance in prominent jour
nal of my tale, describing our attempt
Il refer to brother George and myselD
to personate couple of designing an
archists, and the subsequent recoil of
the scheme on our own heads, that 1 sat
meditating in my rooms. George and
the terrier, the cause of ali the trouble,
wero out for a stroll. was revolving
in my mind the CHASTITY failure of that
silly enterprise, and wondering whether
1 should ever meet that inspector of dog
licenses again, when heard knock at
the door.
My worthy landlady soon appeared
with neatly engraved card, bearing
the following legend: "John Belville,
Inspector, FL. NJ Criminal Investiga-
tion Department, Scotland Yard, S. W."
''Jehosophat!'' I family murmured,
''here's nice affair. This is the genu-
inc article, and am lost man." You
will observe my nerves had not yet re-
covered from the recent shock they had
sustained, therefore, when the owner of
the card entered the room, must, to
put it mildly, have looked disconnected.
"Er-sit down, inspector. Glad to
see you, I'm sure--unexp pected honor.
Anything / can do for your" concluded,
with a miserable attempt at light heart
edness.
Memories of the aspersions had, in
my story, cast upon the officer of this
name (tlen only existing in my imagi-
nation) crowded in upon me, and 1 felt
exceedingly low as the representative of
the law took the chair / indicated.
"You were perhaps not altogether un-
prepared for my visit, Mr.. Timbs-Mr.
Reginald Timbs?'' queried the inspector
impressively, and felt his eyes look
ing through me.
"Well,'' 1 replied, somewhat nerv-
ously, 'I can't say that expected you,
because-no offense intended, inspector
Il had no idea that Scotland Yard was
happy in the possession OF the prciFyas-
sional services of a gentleman of yo..s
name.
"Then how came you, sir, may ask,
to make mention in this widely read
periodicaP'-and here he held out the
familiar green cover-''of my manner"
'"That's easily explained, said. 81
invented it..
''Do you seriously expect me to be-
Heve that?" rejoined the august official.
'tHave been connected with the yard
for five and twenty years, and well be-
fore the public nearly the whole of that
time, and then to be told that John Bel
vile is not known?" and the worthy in
spector began to get warm.
"Well, can only assure you, re-
piled.
Assurance, interrupted the little
man. for he was not OF an imposing
height. "1 dare say you have plenty of
that, but it won't do for me. No, sir,
it spells damages in my case. "
"Yes, but look here. you know, said
I, returning to the charge, Its No
affair of mine. Ihad no idea you existed
in the flesh; but, in any case, it seems
to me your remedy is against the pub
Usher of the paper. don't pretend to
be we'll up in the law of libel, - con-
tinued, "but have always understood
the paper is responsible. Hadn't YOU
better see Tit-aheml the proprietors of
the weekly which has taken your name
in vain? understand they kept fight
ing editor On the premises for such
cases -
Here smiled wintry smile and felt
Father better.
81 don't want to be instructed in the
law, thank you, was the lofty reply.
al know what 1 am about. It is quite
different matter when your name ap-
pears as the author, and that you viii
find out presently. However, that mat
ter may keep I have another and much
more important reason for calling, - and
here the inspector coughed ominOusly.
NY spirits dropped again, and ex-
perienced slight return OF the Siberian
chain gang feeling.
''The department considers, - resumed
the inspector, ''tflat man who seems