Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1895-06-19
From The Chicago Dispatch

of the Chicago, Burlington and GUM
cy."
"Wha5 did you come here to do?"
sTo learn to subdue my energies
and improve the railroad service"
"Then you are railroad man, [
infer?"
81 am so taken to be by all officials
who know their business"
"How may I know you to be a
railroad MANI"
"By looking over my letters and
examining me in the signals. Try
me-"
Chow will you be tried?
6" By the punch"
"Why by the punch?"
Because it is an emblem Of
honesty and the principal tool of my
profession"
"Where were you first prepared to
be railroad MANI"
"In my mind"
"Where neXt?"
"Upon farm adjoining theright of
way"
"How were you prepared"
"By braking upon a thrashing
machine for six months, after which |
went to town and sought admission
to the train masters clerk"
How were you received"
upon the gaze of the train master
applied to my physiognomy, which
was thus explained: As it is always
a source of great pleasure to the train
master to receive callers, | should
drop in and chat with him a little
while upon every occasion possible. !"
s'HoW were you disposed of?''
Il was seated in a chair near to the
train masters desk and asked if put
my trust in safety coupling devices. :"
Your answer"
"Not if [ know myself, / DON'T"
"What was then done with your"
81 was led up and down the yard
three times to accustom myself to the
noise OF the trains; thence to theIchief
dispatcher"
"How were you then disposed OFF"
~ was seated upon brake wheel
before train boy and caused to
take the following horrible and bind
ing oath: |, Steve Sears, do hereby
and hereon most everlastingly, .,dia-
bolicaIly swear by the great horn
spoon that [ will always remit and
never conceal any of the cash col
lected by me as conductor, and that
[ will not cut, make, use, collect or re-
NIT any cash fares less than those
found in the regular tariff book. /
further promise and swear that [ will
not carry on my train friend, rail
daughter or widow, or permit any
other conductor to do so if lean pre-
vent it. [ further promise and swear
that | Will freely contribute to all
subscriptions circulated to buy my
superior officer a token of esteem, ETC.,
as far as he may desire and my salary
will permit, to all ofwhich [ solemnly
swear, binding myself under no less
penalty than thatin having my salary
cut from year to year, all my per-
qulsltes taken away and expended for
sand ballast to put under the Nc
Kinley extension, where the trains
come and 60 twice in twenty-four
hours, SO help me Bob Ingersoll, and
keep my back bone stiff"
"What did you then behold?'
''The trainmaster's clerk ap-
preached me and presented me with
Bishop safety coupling knife and
instructed me to take it to the yard
master, who would teach me how to
use it,"
"How are Bishop coupling knives
used?"
"By sticking them in the left hip
pocket with the blade turned up"
Mr.. Maxwell here informed the ap-
plicant that he was satisfied that he
was railroad man and asked him if
he would be ''off' or stfrom."
81 will be off from here if you will
give me passenger train"
"Have you cigars?"
II have"
"Will you give them to me?'
That IS not the manner in which
| got them and cannot so dispose Of
them"
GLOW can I get them them"
81 will match you heads or tails
for them"
"Pll go you; begin"
"You begin"
mo begin yourself; you have the
cigars"
"All aboard; you are O. K. Come
around again in the morning and I
will arrange to send you down to the
Trinity and Sabine division to take
the mixed train there"