Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-10-14
JUST FOR FUN.

ne was IOHu Oh SlHSIh5
hymns; and his wife named the baoy
Fort, SO that he would hold 1t.
Hotelkeeper = WHAT'S the matter
here? You're just raising the deuce
Waiter-No, sir; L just dropped the
tray.
''Miss Octave is beautiful player"
"You mean she plays beautifully"
mo, that's exactly what L don't
mean!1
Willie Wilt You girls are always
looking for "soft thing" bah jove
Cora Fay (of the ballet)-Wen, I have
not far to look.
Boy-I want to buy some paper.
Dealer-What kind of paper? I guess
you better give me fly paper. want
to make a kite.
A teacher requested each scholar to
write a sentence containing the word
':toward." One boy of nine years
wrote, ''I toared my pants!"
Johnny-Papa, [ want to ask you a
question. Papa-Wen, what is it my
son? Johnny-If the ruler of Russia is
a car, is his wife czardine?
81 WV VOW wish I c-could fuf-
find a way to keek- keep f from slut
slut stammering," said Bolivar. cpl
tell you how-don't talk said farley
She Con her VOYAGE What is that
place down there? He-Why, that is
the steerage. She-And does it take
all those people to make the boat go
straight.
The Tough Boy-Say, fellers, let's
go swimmin' The Tender Boy-Our
mother won't let US. The Tough Boy
oh, shucks! Why amt yer orphans
like am.
''See yat little boy over zare?" said
Mabel. ''Yat's my little buzzer, an
his name is Nat" 'Indeed?" said the
visitor. 'Well, think gnat is very
good name for buzzer."
Farmer Hayrake = Did your son
learn anything at college? Farmer
Oatstraw-Yes; I gave him h hammer
to mend the barn with, and he threw
it so far [ hain't been able to find it.
''This poem is your own?" asked the
editor. Eyes, SIR" said the would-be
contributor. "I am pleased to meet
you, Mr.. Thackeray. was under the
impression that you died some years
ago."
"That poor minister looks very I'M
happy" "He is. His salary is small,
and the place is so healthy, and has
so few young people, that he doesn't
make SO year out Of funerals or
weddings"
''Now, them" said the lecturer,
pointing to spot on the anatomical
chart on the wall, "that is where your
liver ISL excuse me, sir" said one |
of the students, "but you are in error.
My liver is inside of me-"
Henry But how can you afford to |
go abroad every summer? Richard |
That's easy enough. When l come
back with my trunk all covered over |
with steamer checks and foreign la |
the entire cost of my trip"
"My friends tell me that there is
magic spell about my writings" said
the author, complacently, as the edit
or glanced at his manuscript. "There
is; but prefer Webster's style of or
biography myself" said the editor, as
he handed the manuscript back.
'What do you think of the present
State House?" L asked, proudly look
ing up at the golden dome shining |
through the trees. 'Wen, I've cir
cumspected that creatur' afore and |
behime; and, eff you don't watch out,
the tail of the thing will swallow the
head.''
IT tell you," said the pert young as
sistant, 'the editor isn't in, and Pm |
not going to tell you again. If you
have anything for him you can leave
it with me-" Every WE'LL" said the |
caller, taking off his coat, II came to
give him good, sound thrashing, but
I'll give it to you instead"
Willie (who was travelling for the
first time) to conductor is the |
meaning of ''W7and 'sR'' on the sign |
posts along the road? Conductor
Ring and whistle. Willie CATER a
pause)-I can see how CIV" stands
for wiring, but Pm blessed if I can see
how ''R'' can stand for whistle.