The Indianapolis journal., 1895-07-02
Autobiography Of q Bicycle.

1 am bicycle.
Not such as. swept alone by the full tide OF
power. the conqueror leads to crimson glory
and undying fame. but a plain. ordinary
no. not Ordinary but safety-bicycIe
for hire.
True. am in a good state OF repair and
am as comfortable as my keepers can
make me. but 1 am not decked in ribbons
and nirtured in commodious quarters and
ridden only by the aristocracy over smooth
pavements and for short distances.
| never even had such luck when first
cane from the factory. I thought I was
going to fall into that good fortune, but
a man took me on trial-that is to say. he
took me on the installment plan and tried
to pay for me, but couldn't, and was forced
to return me at the end Of a month, and
then l was only good enough to go among
the hirelings, and there / have stayed
ever since. Goodness me, how long it
seems since 7 got the first wrench to my
steel ribs and had my frame skinned
against tree box!
1 was born a combination wheel-that Is,
you can take out my spinal column, and
then 1 can be ridden by a lady. not in
boomers, and thank my stars no bloomers
have ever yet enveloped me in their folds.
That time the man had me on trial, I
iuiiih IL was my luOSL uucOllIOTldDlc CA
perience, for ne was green at the business
and so was l, and the result was that both
of US got bumps innumerable, and though
he came out of it with a twisted knee
and sprained ankle and barked nose and
a lame arm and a hurt back and black
eye with few other incidental casualties.
l was nothing to brag of myself. That's
why when he had to give me up they put
me on the hireling list
But I was experienced and that was
something.
A bicycle has good deal to learn when
1t first leaves the factory.
People who came to hire wheels looked a
little shy at me as I stood quietly in my
rack and then passed me by, but not for
| long, My keepers put new coat of en-
amel on me and otherwise put me in shape,
| and therefore became quite popular. Ri
| ders who had me out for a spin when they
| returned would say they didn't know why
| 1t was, but seemed to be more intelligent
| than other wheels they had tried, and 1 was
not half as liable to make sudden swerve
and bang into wagon III the street or
into gatepost, or over bank, or to do
| any one of the forty dozen other things a
| bicycle is likely to do when the rider is
| least expecting ii.
| of course L knew this myself, and was
| constantly striving to please, Just as any
| other public servant is, for hadn't enough
plan party? 1 guess yes. and 1 am sure a
| properly regulated bicycle knows when it
| has had enough.
| a little frisky. Once remember an ath-
| letic sort of a fellow took me out and for
| six mortal hours he pedaled me all over ev-
| cry road in the suburbs, rough and smooth,
| and almost drove every bit Of breath out
| of my. tires. 1 submitted because couldn' t
well do otherwise, but the time OF my re-
| venge was at hand. He was pumping me
along bit of pleasant country road where
me If he had run along slowly, when he
| caught up with pretty girl on an aw-
fully ornamental wheel.
/ could hear him laugh with a chuckle
at his luck, and he sailed alongside. Of her
and began talking. OF course, he had no
business to. but bicyeiists tn t1at n way a,ns are
| back at him, and it wasn't long until he
| was entirely absorbed in the girl, and was
| leaving all the rest of the matter to me.
| Then I pricked up my ears and got ready,
| and all at once, when we came 70 a good
| place. 1 took a header into the ditch; the
girl screamed, the man swore, and l lay
| over on my side helpless, but happy. He
and / rode home in passing pie wagon,
| the girl disappeared, and it cost him 81 for
All kinds of people hired me. and with
| most of them / could do very we'll. Never,
| of these that thought she could reduce her
| flesh by riding. and she lit right down on
me the first time she came into my place.
How regretted that had not been born
mans machine when she settled herself
firmly in my saddle, and began padding
like duck in the water. After that every
day she came after me, and / began to feel
bess. feas my 0uf0en was more ''aA '0''0
I don't know why it is. but after some
years of experience I am prepared to assert
| that a fat woman weighing two hundred
pounds is just twice as heavy as fat man
Explain af this Sn he will do Ie all of us Bicycles M
a great favor. However, / don't care very
much about it, because 1 made it convenient
to dump the fat lady one one evening into a
drowning that she has organized a crusade
against the wheel and has bought an in
| terest in a patent anti-fat remedy.
But there was another woman-ah. me,
what a delight it was to go flying with
| her. She was a dainty little creature, light
as fairy and strong wire, and she
knew where al the prettiest places were,
and there we went together and she drew
| pictures of sylvan scenes while 1 leaned up
| against tree and watched her by the
| hour. One day handsome young fellow
wheeled by. and they nodded pleasantly
| she blushing bit. and he smiling. Several
! gether, and she took me away with her for
| three days: That was delight to me, for
we went far on by easy stages, and the
| young man on his own wheel-a beauty il
was. too-went with us.
There were others in the party, but my
interest was in these two, and l paid no
| heed to what the others did or where they
went. The third day, as we went bowling
homeward, my lady appeared to be i'll at
were i
| not had all my wits about me we would
| surely have gone off the road and over the
| bank into whatever may have been below
| TO have received Us. The young man was
never far off, but he was not as he had
been, and after wondering nearly all day
what could have happened, I remembered
| to have seen them the night before on the
piazza, where l leaned up against the wall
was feeling the need of rest and did not
| pay much attention to them, but | remem-
bered that they were quarreling Zone of
those lovers quarre1s. you know and she
was an Independent little body, quite equal
| to { ,pe with any man. / knew this and
so let ii pass and took my rest quite OBJ
| livious to my surroundings or theirs What
| really happened / do not know, but ii must
| have been more serious than L suspectad
| for our homeward trip was anything but
| pleasant.
| Then I didn't see him any more though
| she and took many little afternoon and
| morning -pins together. say / did not
see him any more-I mean for some time
That was several weeks later. We had
gone into quite a remote section. where
| there was excellent sketching ground and
| she had left me by fence and clambered
| across a stony field among the crags over
/ hanging a stream. suppose she had been
| gone an hour when heard her scream
| and a minute or two Later a mans voice
shouting. No answer came to it. and pres
| emily his head shone above the rocks and
| he came tearing my way. He looked dread
| fully frightened. and when he saw me he
| said. Thank Godv' with a sincerity that
1 ,oH nd