Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-09-02
JUST FOR FUN.

Wife-It must be bedtime. Husband
Hardly. The baby hasn't walked up
| yet.
"Who was the first man to make
| mountain out of mole hill?" ION,
some real estate dealer, suppose"
Before marriage girl complains OF
her kin to her lover, and after mar
| riage he complains of them to her.
Father-My son, no man ever ac-
complished much who talked at his
work. How about lawyer, dad?
"Is your son improving in his violin
playing, Mr.. Jones?" 'sWell, either
he's improving, or we're getting used
to it.'
Guy, do be quiet, said mamma, you
are so noisy. Pm obliged to make
noise, mamma; somebody might take
me for a girl.
He Con small salary)-I love to
listen to the singing of the birds, to
the orchestra of nature. She-Yes,
| it is SO inexpensive.
Inquirer-Does fish diet strength
en- the brain? Philosopher Perhaps
not; but going fishing seems to in
vigorate the imagination.
Mamma Tommy, I sent you to the
grocery and told you to hurry back.
Tommy-Yes, mamma, but you didn't
tell me to hurry over there.
'sMary, we have breakfast at eight
O'clock" said Mrs. Post to her new
place. Cali right, num-" said Mary.
eff amt up don't wait for me-"
New Arrival at Mountain House,
should think it must be cold enough
at night for blankets. Boarder-That's
what everybody thinks except the
proprietor.
Father don't believe that young
Simmerkins has sense enough to come
in when it rains. Cholly-Aw, you
don't know him. That man Gavin tie
his own tie.
Man Cat the front door)-I want to
see the boss of the house. House
keeper-Walk right up to the second
story back and tell the nurse to show
you the new baby.
Oh, yes, my husband has been a
collector of curios and such things for
number of years. Was he in that
business when he married you? Yes,
indeed, thought so.
Chow does Dumley spend his time
since he left that legacy?" why,
he summers at the seaside, he winters
in New York, he springs at White Sui
phur and he falls at Niagara"
Guest gushing them away from
him)-I don't like the way you cook
eggs at this restaurant. Waiter
What's the trouble, sir? Guest-You
don't cook them soon enough.
of the waiter gave my order to most
an hour ago? Head Waiter i don't
know, sab, but most likely he's wait
ing on some gent wot tipped him, sab.
He-If you loved me why did you
first refuse me-? She-I wanted to see
how you would act. He-But might
have rushed off without waiting for
an explanation She-I had the door
locked.
"Mamie is such conscientious lit
tie goose,'' said one summer girl to
another. CLOVIS that?' "She thinks
she must go to the trouble of breaking
one engagement before contracting
another"
sWhat's the matter?'' s'Toothache."
"Why don't you have the tooth pull
ed?'' "Just came from the dentists.
He;wasn't in; doesn't seem to attend
to business at all. hurried away for
fear ne would come"
Teacher-Tommy, what do you un-
derstand the author to mean when he
says that riches and poverty are
merely relative? TOMMY guess he
means that some has rich relatives
and some has poor ones.
New customer = Is that your dog?
Barber Yes, sir. New customer
He seems very fond of watching you
cut hair. Barber-It is not that, sir.
Sometimes I make mistake and take
a Ieetle piece off gentleman's ear.
Jones, I don't think Mrs. Better
days ever enjoyed her money SO much
as she does now. Mrs. Jones-Why,
she lost her money some years ago.
Jones-True, but it has supplied her
with an unfailing topic of converse
ton ever since.
Bucklen'S Arnica SaIVe.