Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-07-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

You usually love people because You
do not know them.-Atchison Globe.
A tree seems more polite in winter
because you can see its boughs.-Ga'
zette.
! The best "quarter-b -back"-The one
returned by the man to whom you
lent it.-Chicago Record.
Jagson says hot water will dissolve
almost every thing, including busi-
ness firm.-Elmirn Gazette.
Stranger-"Who owns this storeF.
Oficeboy-''The boss says do, but ]
don't. detroit Free Press.
asked a gay chrysanthemum
What made ber flourish so;
She answered, looking frotcsome,
II get such lots of show"
Puck.
Jones-"Does Daubre paint for a
living?" Wright-'I should say not,
to Judge by his pictures. Ne" York
Times.
"No,'" she exclaimed with emotion
Il can never forgive you, but-but-
/ will try to forget you. ."-Bostop
Transcript.
Tae warlike spirit never dies.
In peace 'tis present Just the same;
When Nations know no enemies
Their youth will brave the football game.
Washington Star.
Mrs. Brown-Jones he married
vou after all?' Mrs. Brown-Smith-
"Yes, after all had, but he didn't
get it. Truth.
To borrow money is to borrow
trouble, and some men find it good
deal of trouble to borrow money, too.
-Somerville journal.
A New Jersey exchange urges the
ase of the spring trap in dealing with
thievish tramps. It's a snappy arti'
cle.-Philadelphi Ledger.
81 have lost my heart" i" he whispered,
Gazing in her lovely eyes;
But the maiden coldly answered,
"Why don't you advertiser"
Pick Ne Up.
Professor Garner says he con tell
what monkeys say to one another.
But who wants to know thai? There
is too much talk of that kind already.
Chicago Tribune.
He-"Was the Suddenlys elope
ment a success?" She-"Hardly; her
father telegraphed them out West to
stay where they were and all would be
forgiven. brooklyn Life.
Police Magistrate-"Have you eve,
seen the prisoner at the BARI" Wit.
ness-'Never, your Honor; but I've
seen him when I strongly suspected
he'd been at ."-Tit-Bits.
Columbus was considered q gre&
italian because he made An egg stand
on end, but nowadays Italians think
nothing of having q peanut stand Cd
the corner. Times.
There was a young man in Bellnire.
Who said, "When vas Ut the faire-"
So they jumPei on his neck
And lett him n wreck,
With his heels site -in, up in the aire.
In iian ipolis Journal
''You seem to be a-frayed," OBJ
served the fat-iron. "That's because
am hard pressed" retorted the
collar, starchily. And the ironing
board got hot under the collar.-Chi.
cago Tribune.
A fine collection of fossils formed
by her father has been given to Cam.
bridge University (England) by Mrs.
Moore of Beardley. Several interest |
ing specimens are still at large on this |
side.-Philadelphia Ledger.
Oficeboy-'Ill get even with tn,
old snoozer for not letting me Of this
Janitor-"What can you
do?" Oficeboy-"Every crank, book !
agent and bum that comes will go !
straight in. ."-Brooklyn Life.
Crusty Old Gentleman-"Your SIM.
ing. Miss Taylor, is like altar of roses
-" Miss Taylor with gratifed
you are too hattering."
Old Gentleman continuing)-"A little
of it goes q long way Tit-Bits.
Teacher-''Who can tell me wha.
aseful article we got from the whale? ?"
Johnny "Whalebone. Teacher
Right. Now. what little boy or girl
knows what We get from the seal?
rommy-"Sealing wax. Racket.
''Mr. smartly," said the professor
m the astronomy class, chow far
should we let ourselves be guided by
the theories Of Copernicus9" "A to
that" replied Mr.. Smartly, II should
prefer to intrust so important . de-
,ision entirely to you, sir. "-Chicago
Record.
II have seed some pretty ignerM
people amung the summer boarders
ny wife takes every year." said old
Mr.. Jason, "but they amt never none
IT them up to the young woman thet
wanted to know if apple butter wuz
made from feedin' apples to the cows'
indianapolis Journal.