Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1895-05-15

Il ~ ~ ~
the table, if you're going to, fore
stiffen out here like blamed old mum
my and have to go into private col
lection under exhibit A!
Mrs. Wigglesworth got back as sool
as possible, but not before her hus
bands arms had pulled out and he hae
dashed the paper on the floor and wa
stamping on it. Nothing relieves ;
man like stamping, so when they hat
arranged the table-a mahogany table
with shiny top-beside the wall, anG
i put a little hassocls on top of it, Mr.
i Wigglesworth felt sufficiently modified
i to snip off another length of the
Beardsley pattern and apply some more
paste to its posterior surface, maintain
| ing steady current of growing at his
wife, on general principles
/ "Now don't be fool, this tine," he
said, encouragingly, as they picked UP
| the paper and he laboriously climbed
| to the polished surface Of the table
with it. Then, he stepped cautiously
| upon the hassock and stood there an in
slant. his knees wobbling painfully.
! .'Can you reach?" his wife called
from below. She was busy keeping her
part of the paste away from the ma
hogany table.
"Reach?" echoed Mr.. Wigglesworth,
in concentrated voice. what We
s'pose I'm up here for, anyway? Think
I'm addressing the county convention?
Want me to move an amendment in
favor of woman's suffrage, don't YEP"
Then the hassock turned slightly, as
the worm is said to do, and in catching
his balance and breath Mr.. Wiggies-
worth jerl1ed the paper out of his wife's
grasp. The paper turned,a smart corner
and tapped up against the wall and
chung in a clammy and tenacious en-
brace.
what We do that for?" shouted Mr..
Wigglesworth, as loud as the uncer-
tain hassock would permit.
81 didn't go to-" returned his
frightened wife, and with what alacrity
she was mistress of she unpecled the
cold and deathlike sheet.
Now you let it alone, dye hear?"
warned her husband, and acting upon
his direction Mrs. Wigglesworth re-
tired to the far side of the room, where
she watched him in species of fascin-
alton. This is the tragedy that speedi-
ly unfolded itself before her:
Mrs. Wigglesworth, feeling more and
more the treacherous character of the
hassock, held his knees at that angle
an appearance of weakness. His arms
were thrust out to their full capacity,
and, though at distance, Mrs. Wig
ellsworth could feel their dreadful
ache. First, her husband pressed his
end of the strip close up to the Dor
der; the lower end caught on also at
the same instant, but in quite another
part of the room, and by the time Mr..
Wigglesworth had reached painfully
downward and fetched it loose, at the
same moment muttering something
that Mrs. Wigglesworth tried hard to
hear, but couldn't, distinctly, the up.
per end came away and Tapped down
over Mr.. Wigglesworth's forehead,
leaving more paste there than his wife
had thought could be left on one fore
head in a single afternoon. Mr.. Wig
glesworth's comments upon this trans
action, as he frenziedly snatched at
the paper, were not only clearly audi
BILE to the wife, but even penetrated to
the hired girl, who promptly opened
the kitchen door to see if she might
not be able to hear still palmer. Then
Mr.. Wigglesworth, with an earnest
ness that nobody could avoid noticing,
spanked the moist side of that paper
against the wall and slapped it with
both hands till the creations of Aubrey
Beardsley's fancy ran all into each
other. IN it9
Now fix the lower end" chirped
Mrs. Wigglesworth from the distance
This was one of those things that
were better left unsaid. Mr.. Wiggles-
worth had stood on that uncertain has
sock till his knees appeared, perman-
emily fixed at half-cock, his arms were
clean out of their legitimate
precincts, his head was bursting with
the hot air of the upper strata, and per-
spiration glued his garments SO close to
him that he appeared to have been
born that way. When this gratuitous
direction burst cooingly from his wife's
lips, he fetched a mad snatch at the
lower, end Of the paper, and on the in
slant the hassock, with low, fiendish
chuckle, turned over on the other side.
Mr. Wigglesworth had only time for
one yell, but it was full grown in area,
and then vaulted into the air, the |
paper letting go it's hold and trans.
ferring it's affections to the falling for
tunes of the house of Wigglesworth,
and as that gentleman went sailing
through the atmosphere. the pa
per wound itself in sinuous folds |
about him, till a stranger looking in at |
the widow would have said that Mr..
was an admirable living |
picture reproduced from the Yellow |
Book.
That's right" he yelled, soon as he
could get to his feet and kick the has
sock through the door, ''stand over
there with your thumb in your mouth
and toeing.in-that's all you're good for.
Wha' dye let go that paper forp" he
continued, shaking his fist toward the
ceiling; why didn't ye steady the
table, same's told We? You make me
out the blamedest old fool in Knox
county, always trying to help you with