Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-05-23
At ST. PETERS GATE.
An old Tale with Variations Recorded
..Just For Fun


Ed. Pollock, the ~Considerate Of
the People Only One Teller man.
died and sought an abiding rlace in
the land OF which st. Peter is the gate
keeper. He raped al the entrance
and St. Peter inquired. WHO is
there?" Pollock replied, .'Me, the
sui generis Teller man.
St. Paul. ''What is your Nance
Poll. why, Edward Pollock. OF
course. Don't You know me? / am
the Grand Pap bush-beater Of the
St. P. Il don't remember you.
Where did you hye?n
Poll. I'm Lancaster. Why, I'm
the only original editor Of the Tel
Ter. the best paper. the largest
st. p. Il never heard Of you.
The only newspaper | know OF in
Lancaster is the GRANT COUNTY HER
AID. But I'll look over the books
and see if there is any record of you
here
Poll. "Do SO. There must be a
record of me | am responsible for
nearly every thing that ever hap
pened. have always been authority
on all matters that require legal,
technical or mechanical accuracy :
| was an editor of ability bossed
Grant Comfy. | stood back of the
Legislature. Ii"
st. p. ''Cease your lying and vain
beasting. We Judge a man by his
record, not by his pretensions. There
is nothing to your credit here For
the record of your wickedness, for the
strife you have stirred up, for your
disreputable journalism, for your
idiotic kicking, for regulations smirch-
ed and embittered lives, for dishon-
esty hypocrisy, deceit, and cupidity,
90 to the DEVIL
Poll. ooh, Mr.. st. Peter, you must
have made mistake. My name
must be somewhere. | thought it
would head the list. Please examine
the pauper roll"
| st. p. 1.-The pauper roll?"
Poll. Eyes, / was on the town
once. 1t was when | had the small
pox, The city paid my expenses;
they bad to do so in order to keep
me from spreading the disease.
paid them back little, but the dear
people are still out $3.50 on my
account as a public chargen
st. P. ''Were you so poor you could
not pay your own expensesP'
Poll. '.Bless you, no; but my mot
o was 'On the Town, For Revenue
Only, supported By the People, !"
ST. p. ''Was it customary for the
city to hire nurses for and pay the ex-
penses of families afflicted with con-
tagious disease"
Poll. ''Oh, no; but the Teller has
distinguishing features that"
St. P. THAT will do. The devil
has full account of this and will see
you later"
Poll. .'But please. Mr. St. Peter,
Aunt Lizzie thinks I'm fit for Glory.
She says, There is only one Teller"
and she Uses it to teach her Sunday
School class of six little urchins
standing in row and -
St p. Enough Aunt Lizzie's
conduct of late gives us pain. I'm
less she stops giving her sympathy
and support to such palpable evil as
vour paper, we shall be compelled to
assign her quarters in tie garnet of
the palace instead of the nice coy
rooms on the first floor. now in readi-
ness for her.
AS Ed. was walking away musing
on his deplorahle condition he met
John Eplett who had died and was
on his way to heaven. Pollock re-
lated his trouble and begged John to
help him.
He said: II know ] was mean and
unfair to you but you wouldn't let
me run your business and that
angered me. Now won't you help
me to get through the pearly gate?'
Eplett You were a mean cuss'
on earth You did say Some aggra-
waiting things about me but after all,
what YOU said did me more good than
harm and although don't believe Won
will be allowed to remain, I'll do
what can to get you through just
get down on all tours and I'll ride
you to the gate. If | am admitted,
I'll ride you right through and then
you can rock around and get ac-
quainted. But don't 20 to kicking
about the management the first
thing"
So Pollock got down and Eplett
rode him to the gate.
Eplett ''Helloi''
st. p. who's there?''
Eplett. John Eplett."
St. p II think I've heard Of you.
Where do you hail from?''
Eplett. From Grant County,
st. p '.Were you County Clerk
Of that county?"
Eplett, Yes
st. P. Come right in. We have
one OF the best rooms in the palace
fixed up for you and a front seat in
the dress circle Of the auditorium re-
served for your especial use, but
/ s-ntf III have ~, gaaY-a shot Tanlruas vctf