The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1895-09-10
Failed to See the President--The New
York Gambling Exchanges--The
Presidents Fishing Tackle.

Presidents Fishing Tackle.
B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R-"Hallo! Major. How are you
getting along?'
B-"Sorter poorly. I amt Citing
the earth jus5 az fast az I would ike
to. I went from Boston down ter
Buzzard's Bay ter see the President.
R-'Did you see him?'
B-'sDid see him? Ak me If l seen
the man in the moonl Why they
couldn'G let me see hiz fshin' tackle,
eve They lowed it wouldn't do ter
take his fshin' tackle out in dry
weather like this. I judge that it IL
kind ov a wet business anyway. l went
up ter the yard Ground the Pre- sidents
house. A Teller with uniform on wUz
standin' at the gate. l tole him my
name an what L wuz after. He lowed
the President couldn't receive visitors
that day. l tole him l wuz perspec
tive Governor of North Kariina, poss.
lbs kanidate fer Kongress or anything
else that would add dignity ter my
name, He sed that might awl be true,
but / couldn't see the President. I tole
him I thought America wuz sorter CIV
a free show an didn't put on none ov
the royal business. l wuz mad, 1 tell
you, He wouldn't even carry in my
name. Then I axed him if / might
see the Pres dents fish hook. He sed
it wuz down in the cellar an IL never
brought out fer fear the temperance
folks gifts shocked. From what he sed
I guess he uses a beer bottle fer a cork
swimmer. Finally I axed him ter a
ry me ter the spot whar the President
digs hiz bait worms. He sed it would
MT do me any guide ter go there an if
Iwuzant nifty particular I'd have the
Jim jams before 1 wuz there two hours.
This sorter puzzled me. l couldn't
understand why in the dickens it
would make a Teller a Kelley student
Just ter look at the Presidents fishin'
outfit. l wished fer Betsy then. l
wanted her ter give that Teller about
ten minits straight Populist lecturin'
on the financial question an how it eff
fects old mossbacks an biggiEy Presi-
dents"
R-"Sorry you didn't get to see your
idol. Suppose you will not vote for
him for a third term9'
B-"Not vote fer hiIn! Of course I
will. 1 have ter. I wouldn't be a dyma
KRAFT if I didn't swaller any sort ov a
dose the bls3es prescribe. I will vote
for anything the party puts up"
R-'How did you find things in
New YOrkF"
B-"Not much. 1 went down on
Wall Street an tole sum ov 'em who 1
WIZ. They didn't seem to recognize
me an sed ter call again in 1898. One
Teller sed the President ov the bank
wuzen't in. 1 axed him when he would
be in. He sed in about ten year. l
Judge from that the President il in
Canada. 1t is astonishin' how migrate
full sum folks are. 1 tole awl them
bank fellers in New York an Boston
that l Wuz the only genuine an
original Cleveland man lett in the
State, that Joe Caldwell an two or
three others were tryin' ter keep up
with the ~proseshun but they amt fast
enuf. They just LATED and lowed
they didn't care how things stood now
they'll be awl rite in 1896. I tremble
IN my boots when I think how badly
mistaken they are. While 1 wuz fun
bin around 1 heard a fearful noise
away up IN a buildin' just below Wall
Street. IthoTght it must be a fight or
an asylum. 1 axed a TELLER
what it meant. He sed it WIZ in tho
Consolidated Exchange buildin'. T
hunted Ground an found the way into
it. When 1 got in 1 thought it must
be the Tower ov Babel. Blamed if thew
Wuzen't hollerin' an yellin' like four
thousand InjuGs on the war path
They wuz sum teller up at a black
board markIn' figures on it. 1 found
out they wuz sellin' railroad and other
stocks an bonds. I never see SIGH E
racket. Them men were aWl hollerin
at once, pullin' each other, cussin' laf
fin tWistin' and turnin'. It reminded
me ov an asylum broke loose. Then
went over ter a big buildin' corner OK
William and Beaver streets. This wul
the New York Cotton Exchange. This
Sorter struck me rite. l didn't know
much about bonds an stocks, but
"uz strictly in it on the cotton bust
s. l heard cotton wuz goin' up sc
to%r0eo In ter help push il higher. A
Win uniform on tole me I could
mt come in WI O|UAu