Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-04-11


Mrs. Editur-This hat is perfect
poem. Editur-All the more reason I
should decline to pay for Brooklyn
Life. -
Renter-Is there water on the top
floor of this house? House Agent
Yes, ma'am; when 1t rains.-Philadel-
phia Inquirer.
Mrs. Watts-Don't you ever do any
thing at all? Weary Watkins--Oh, yes,
mum. Sometimes does time.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Pipkin-I want money, and I want
1t bad. Potts-Then you'll have to get
1t from q ounterfeiter.-Smith, Gray
& Co.'S Monthly.
Teacher-Tommy, what was the
name Of the wife of Napoleon? Tom
my-It-it-it wasn't Trilby, was it?-
Cincinnati Tribune.
II understand that Freddy Is getting
ready to be married" what Is he
doing" Taking lessons at the cook
ing school. Judge.
Shelf there's one thing hate it's
being photographed. He-Yes, dear. 1t
must be hard for you to look pleasant
Pail Mall Budget
When the weather forecaster pre-
diets a cold wave that doesn't come, 1t
may be referred to as signal failure.
Philadelphia Record.
"How did Mrs Lovely happen to be
dropped from the Woman's Rights
Club?" "She spoke in praise of her
husband. "-Brooklyn Life.
Anything new to be seen at the thea
tiers now?" 'Great Scott, no! The
spring bonnets won't be out before Eas-
ter, man."-Chicago Inter Ocean.
We can't tell you, Constant Reader,
what days are considered unlucky to
he married on. Authorities differ;
some say 365.-Philadelphia Record.
Father-So you wish to make my
daughter your wife? Suitor-Well, it's
the only way can see Of becoming
your northumberland Inter Ocean.
"Name twelve animals of the polar
regions" said the professor. and the
despairing student wrote: "Six seals
and six polar bears."-Youth's Com
panien.
"Great Scott, put through terrible
nightr' "What was the trouble?" II
thought I'd borrowed S. and woke and
founS 1t dream."-Chicago Inter
Ocean
''Do you know the count actually adj
dresses her in public as his treasurer"
Treasure? His English Is little of.
He means invessment."--IDd
Journal.
HObson.-I understand your daughter
Is taking great pains with her singing.
The Poor Eather-'Taking" Is not the
word; 'givSng" is more like it.-Phila-
aelphia Record.
Mrs. Watts-So it was in tire Chicago
wheat market that you lost your all?
Everett Wrest-Yes, mum. all save me
honor-and an. elegant thirst Indian
apolis Sentinel.
Willie-Papm Maud and James do
not need light in the parlor, do they?
Papa-Why not? Willie-Because l
thought you said love was blind.-Har-
ward LampOon.
She-You were behind nae at the play
last night, weren't YOUR How Gid You
enjoy it? He-r thought 1t was one
of the prettiest ones you ever WORE
New York Herald.
"What is, the meaning Of this. Mary?
This is the second time I have found a
policeman in the kitchen" "Lor,
mum! I'm so, afraid of the cockroaeii-
es."-Pall Mall Budget
Oculist presenting bilDs-T think your
sight has been improved. Patient
docking at bilD-I could have seen q
thing as bag as, that before ever saw
you.-PhiladelphiW Inquirer.
mo, George" said the mature but
still lovely maiden to her youthful
adorer, 81 can newer be anything more
than mother to you Your father
spoke first. "LChicago Tribune.
"where Is the pretty girl you were
making love to last summer ''0h.
she's married long ago." Tilted you.
eh?" "No, worse than that; she mar
ried me."-Ghicago Inter Ocean
Figg Ito. Fegg, whs has married =
widow)-"Wonder IL you ever remind
your wife oe her firss husbandY Il
don't know about that; but she often
reminds me OF hfnh"-Bostoa Tran
script.
"What time does the last train
leave?" asked the traveller. And the
gatekeeper ut the Boston depot gave
him a naughty hook, and replied:
"When the road quits business
Washington Star.
Mrs mguhsitive-Your husband must
be earning more than he used to. I
see you have a new sealskfn jacket.
Mrs. Stratghtface-No, indeed. He's
learned how to fix the gas meter
Sound Boats Bulletin.
Mrs Twickham entertaining Mrs.
Bingo at dinner)-Have another olive,
Mrs. Bingo do think they are such
luxury. Bobbie Bingo You must
like them, dent you? Mrs. Twickham
Yes, Bobbie. i do. Why? Bobbie-
Mother says you don't have many lux
urfes.-New York Herald.
Professor Steeleye-By simply hold
Ing a bright object before a persons
eyes for five minutes, can hypnotic
him, and make him do anything I
wish. Bouttown-That's nothing. BY