Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-11-28

osethsr Gardner In the Garden .
Eden.

looked up and down the alsles and
said:
III Calamity Bates am In dis hall
dis eavnin' he will please step dis
way"
Calamity was there and he prompt
ly stepped out and advanced to the
presidents desk.
"Brudder Bates. continued the
president as he looked down on him,
"Yo' went ober to Brudder Sims
cabin t'other night to pass a soshul
hour.
"Yes, sab, was the reply.
''Arter gum lettle talk 'boul free
silbsr, sound money, an de treasury
resarve yo' swung de conversashun
round to de ga'den OF Eden. While
Mrs. Shin sot dar wild her mouf open
and Samuel was soakin' his feet to
cure de cold In his head. yo' went on
to tell what you knowed bout dat
ga den. 70 put de land at 100 acres.
Yo got in a ribber, two springs. q
lake, and grotto. 70 had
peaches an pears an plums
an grapes an apples by de
cart load. Yo' had birds singin
and possums runnin bout. Yo' had
chickens ready to be boiled, fried an
baked. Yo' had Adam whislin' an ,
Eve singin', and all was happiness
an JOY"
Eyes, sab, replied Brother Bates,
as he wondered what was coming.
"Brudder Shin hain't much OF
hand to git excited ober ga'dens, as
20 kin tell by his own, but yo' went
on so dat he finally got reused up an ;
axed yo' whar' dis place was. Kin
yo' member whar. yo' located 1t %
II kin. sab. Dat ga'de was in
Cuba, an lie bin right past de place
TO- times
"Didn It see Adam or Eve round
dar, did yo' ?"
"Dey was dead, sab.
wall, when Brudder Shin reck-
oned dat Ga den was in Italy, what
did yo' dun do ? Called him names
an finally hit him on de jaw Brud-
der Bates, / want to remark q few
expreshuns to yo' an l want 'em to
surge right ober yo'r libin' soul like
waves. rollin down Lake Erie. In de
first place. yo was jest as wrong as
Brudder Shin bout de locashun Of
de Ga den. In de next place, it am
none OF yo'r bizness whar' it was, how
big it was, or what it looked like!
"Yes, sab, was the reply. Mebbe
dar was Ga den an Mebbe
not Doan consarn yo' neither way.
II some white man, who hain't got
muffin to do an lots Of money to do
it on wants to go spoonin' round to
find whar de Ga den OF Eden was,
dat s his own bizness. Yo' is simply
common black man. Yo' arm
bout six dollars week, an yo' am
de ladder Of TO pairs OF twins. 1t
Gums mighty hard fur yo' to pay
rent an git three meals day. Yo'r
debts figger up mo dan yo' kin save
in 6, 900 'ars De idea OF yo'r foolin'
away time an hittin folks on de jaw
bout de Garden of Eden am bout de
biggest fool thing i eber heard Of +"
''Doan want to know all bout
1t sah?" protested Brother Bates.
"What fur ?"
Fur to git knowledge. ="
what yo' gwine to do wild knowl-
edge?"
How am knowledge bout sunthin'
way back 5000 y ars ago gwine to pay
yo'r house rent an keep shoes on
| yo'r wife's feet? IL yo' knowed
whether Adam could jump six feet or
ten, would dat buy Goldfish fur dem
TO- par O twins? II yo' knowed
whether Eve had red ha'r or black
would it help yo' to pay me back
dem two dollars yo' borrowed ober
two y 'ars agog"
"N-no, sab, - stammered Brother
Bates, beginning to weaken.
''Of, co Sc it wouldn't! 1t would
Jest be leetle mo- wind power fur
argument. 1t hain't yo'r buzness
nor my bizness, nor any odder black
man s bizness to keer continental
cooked hat whether de Ga'den OF
Eden was on q side-hill or down in q
valley; whether it took thousand
vars to build de Pyramids Of Egypt,
or only fifty; whether dis yere airth
was all kivered wild water six times
or only twice; whether de planets
am inhabited or all grown up to
scrub: whether dis globe was made
in six days or 10 900 vars. None OF
us want to 60 back furder dan to re-
member what debts we owe an why
we dun han't paid up. Our bizness
am to look ahead. IL we knowed q
man who's gwine to let out de job OF
whitewashing 200 feet Of bod fence
it consarns US heap mo- den Noah s
ark eber need to. Brudder Bates y
Eyes, sab"
"Yo' go an sot down, an sot
down hard / shall fine yo' $3 $50
fur discussn' religus matters con-
trary to de by laws, an l want dis to
be a caution to all other members as
we'll. Bout bali of our Gull d folks
religun consists in openin our moufs
an gulpin' down de past, an good
sheer Of de odder half am devoted to
argufyin bout what we doan know,
can L know an doan' want to know
bout de present an fucher. What
we want in gineral an in pertickler
am less religun an mo- gittin' UP
up airly in de mawnin less Ga den
Of Eden an mo- Eaters in de honse-
less Adam and Eve an mo- bacon an
Goldfish. We will now open one OF de
alley winders to let dat smell o.
burnin' wool git out of de hall an
den purceed to tackle de programme
of reg lar bizness."
| Would an appeal be in order al
dis juncture, sah2" asked the Rev