The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1895-05-23
HE HANGS PAPER.

HE HANGS PAPER.
Mr.. Wiggle sworth's Experience at
Spring House Cleaning.
At the first step Mr.. Wigglesworth
made into the front hall his foot rested
upon a moist cake of soap, and in
another instant he was over by the
dining-room door with his arms around
the hat-tree and some language trailing
on behind that left copper taste in
the atmosphere as it slowly curled. up
the front stairs. a @~ y
"Who left that soap on the foor9" he
yelled, as soon as he could unlock him
self from the hat-tree.
"Why-I-I guess Mary must" STAN
mered Mrs. Wigglesworth, who had
rushed in from the kitchen with a
potato masher in her hand. We've
are cleaning house, you know"
Cleaning house!' said her husband;
'well, s'pose we are? You needn't think
you're going to use me to flop up your
moors with" Mr.. Wigglesworth meant
to say mop up your floors. but the sud-
denness Of his entrance had temporarily
unhinged his tongue "Think you've
seen me advertised in the back end of
the magazine, don't YEP" he continued,
warranted to save labor or money re-
funded! Reckon I'm to be had of all
grocers, s'pose, or sent prepaid on re-
ceipt of price!'
These retorts were so keen that Mr..
Wigglesworth found his good-nature
coming back through their exercise,
and he ate dinner without grumbling
more than a man has to do ordinarily.
When he went into the sitting room he
found the carpet up and there was a
bundle ofwall paper in a chair.
''What's this?'' he shifted, suspi-
ciously.
''It's wall paper his wife responded;
II got it at great bargain down to
Root & elders closing out of new
spring goods just received, at less than
COST"
"Huh!" grunted her husband, unroll-
ind package and holding it wrong
side up Looks like a case of delir-
ious trimmings"
eyes, fluttered Mrs. Wigglesworth,
sit is the new art, the man said-after
Aubrey Beardsley.''
; ,.*:Who's Aubrey Beardsley?" coldly
returned Mr.. Wigglesworth with a
falling infection.
''He-he is-the-the man that has
got up SO man1 new ideas of-of art,
Mrs. WigglesWorth explained; "they
are quite crazy over him, you know, SC
the man said
swell. if they're any crazier than
Beardsley l pity EN-" growled her
husband, dropping the roll in disgust.
"Who's going to hoist this nightmare
onto our walls?" he added.
Il want you to step in and speak
to the paperhanger on your way down.
his wife returned, timidly.
''Oh, yes, that's it!' Mr.. Wiggles-
worth snorted, ''feller with a black
board on his shoulder and hinge in
the middle and four dollars day"
and then an idea shot into Mr.. Wiggles-
worth's active brain. ''B'george!" he
cried, firing with it, ''I'll hang this
paper myself" and he began peeling
off his coat.
''But, Ellery,' his wife said, in mild
expostulation, you haven't had any
experience"
"Experience nothing!'' retorted Mr..
Wigglesworth, whats experience got
to do with handy man? Four dollars
a days experience enough for me, and
l must be chump if I can't smear
some moist flour over the rear end of a
few sheets of paper and slap EN- up
against smooth wall!''
When Mr.. Wigglesworth had made
up his mind to thing it was like the
French revoluti it had to go. In
brief time he had the hired girl
boiling some paste and Mrs. Wig
about his neck, much to his disgust.
She said when all nature was vocal
with the melody of spring, when birds
were fluting their first glad notes and
a thousand streams made music in their
journey toward the sea, she didn't pro-
pose to have her husband going through
the street with -four paste daubed all
over his new spring clothes.
Mr.. Wigglesworth opened one of the
rolls of pa per, spread it out on the
table and, taking sight,
at the altitude of the room, cut off q
strip that appeared to be the proper
length. Utilizing crumb brush he
spread on copious quantity of paste
and then lifted the paper by one end.
He put his arms up to their full length
but the other end of the paper still lin
gered on the table. !
''Why don't ye take hold of it?" he
said testify to his wife, who stood du-
biously looking on.
So Mrs. Wigglesworth appraised the
other end and her husband stood in
chair. He reached for the border line
of the wall, but fell short of it.
"Why don't We go fetch table?'>he
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