The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-02-15
HIS COLLATERAL GOOD.

Tom Fitch, of Nevada, was bright
fellow and one of the best writer's and
stump speakers of the West, but he
was thriftless, and when he got hard
up would resort to almost any means
to get stake. One day he wrote a
scathing speech denouncing Sharon,
then President of the Bank of Cali
fornia, and afterward United States
Senator from Nevada. Init he charg
ed Sharon with almost every crime
known to the decalogue or the statutes
He put the manuscript in large en-
velope and walked into the Bank of
California.
Here" he said to the cas- hier
handing the package through the win
dow. there are some securities which
| offer as collateral on IA loan. Please
hand them to Mr.. Sharon in person,
and | will wait for his answer
Mr.. Sharon was in his private Office.
Breaking the seal of the envelope, he
found the speech, and read it through
together with note from Fitch, in
forming him that unless he was paid
s., 900 he would deliver that speech i'll
every town in the State. In Il few
minutes the cashier, on Mr. Sharon's
order, reported that the collateral was
all right, and paid the happy Fitch
the desired amount.
Three months afterward, having
gone through the money in specula
ton and dissipation, Mr.. Fitch made
| his appearance with another speech,
this time of very complimentary
character, which he promised to de
liver at every convenient opportunity,
| for the same amount. That, too,
proved good collateral, and the story
would have never come to light if
Fitch had not, in a moment of drunk
en- frankness, told it himself.
1T WAS 4 HAM
A Gratiot avenue grocer who had
missed a ham or two from the hooks
outside his store set watch the other
evening and the result was that col
ored man was nabbed just as he got
the property into his possession.
| When taken into the store the grocer
| asked
"Well, sir, what excuse have you
| got for such conduct -
Boss, what's all dis row bout -
calmly inquired the prisoner.
"Why, you stole that ham ~
Goodness me Does yo' charge
uaU L uul SIOle uaU NAM
Certainly, you were caught walk
ing away with it,"
But am it a ham? ?"
"Of course it is
"a sure huff bam-regular meat an
bone?''
"Certainly."
"Fo' de Lawd, but what a narrer
escape | has had Say, boss, does yo'
know what fought dat ar ham was?"
You thought it a ham, of course. :"
No, sah-no, sah-l didn't. | jest
dun believe it was peck O meal in a
bag hangin' up dar, an | wanted it to
feed my chickens. Ham! Ham
Why, if I'd got home an found if was
ham I'd hev begun to eat an eat an
kept right on till busted all to smash!
Wall, | do declar' lo' jest orter put
signs up on dem hams so dat folks
won't make mistakes and kill dem
selves -
THE PLEASURE OF HOME LIFE.
what coy home you have, said
his bachelor friend as he entered Mr..
Nuwed's house for the first time,
Yes, indeed" said Mr.. Nuwed,
ecstaticaIIy, Il never knew the real
comforts of life until married. Now
go down and fill the furnace, split a
little kindling wood, bring up some
coal for the CRATE fire, set out the milk
pitcher mend the kitchen stove, put
up curtain pole, attend to few
other domestic duties and then We'll
sit down and have a nice time"