The daily morning journal and courier., 1895-11-28
RED,

! hNNb A S''AA SSAA OAN NlNEAV EApN o oNs~ ave Tit-Bits,
 Visltor-But this portrait of MT. Bull ger is a. good deal more than life size.
 Artlst-I know it. That is the size he thinks he is,-Bos'ton Bulletin
 Connoisseur-You have painted that picture in the impressionist style, I see,
 Artist-No You have been leaning against it,-New York Weekly.
 Mrs. Bighead-W Women do just as much thinking as men.
 Pertly-Yes but they dilute their thoughts terribly with words,-Truth.
 You love another Jack" How can you talk that way, dearest? I've kiss ed you thirty times in the last two minutes" But if you loved me you wouldn't keep count."--Life.
 A west-country clergyman the other day described Mother Church" as standing with one foot firmly planted upon the earth, while the other pointed towards heaven. Household Words.
 Modern Journalism, Tomasito - What do the papers mean when they 1 say-"Comment is superfluous?" Pa pa-It means that the writer of the article doesn't know what to say.-- Barcelona Comica,
 What part am I ito talSe?" said Chappie. You are to be the heroines s father" replied the stage manager | What does he do?' He dies ten years before the curtain rises on the first act."-Tit-Bfts. |
 | Anxious mother-Has Mir. Bashful proposed yet? Daughter-Not exactly; | but last evening, when l was holding little Dick in my lap. MT. Bashful went | to the piano and sang, Would I were a boy again. "-Tid-B Bits
 wife-George, didn't you say you were the heaviest batter in the nine | last summer?" Husbaud-Yes, dear. Wife-Well, would you mind beating a carpet for ma about half an hour?- | Texas Siftings. | Fond Mother Gas her son starts for the football f6ld)--Now, Willy, promise me not to get hurt to-day. Football Playing Son--Why, mother, what fool | ish fears Of course I will not. This l IS d pitiCIiGG 6dLiCs lACtV WIFE pc Io audience there.-Puck. | Eliminating a Great Expense.--Rob- bins (dining at Dohblns club)--Now, I belong to four clubs, and in not one of them is a member allowed to tip the waiter. Dobbins-WelI, well, well! always wondered how you could afford to belong to so many clubs!--Puck. | I, 4. take me to the gallery to see the paint | ings, ma," said the daughter ''Te the | galleHy?" exclaimed Mrs. Oddyshay, 'Ef you ain't good enough to be took on the first floor, you ain't good enough to go at all"-Indlanapolis Journal.
 Magistrate--What is the charge against this man? Burglary and robbery Magistrate-Did you ar rest him? Oficer-T did, your honor. Magistrate-The prisoner is discharged; I don't believe the whole department could catch real burglar Chicago Record.
 The Cheerful Idiot--"One should go to the seashore to get good oysters, 7" said the boarder who had been to Bal- timore once. "They are not very good in the interior"
 Why" said the Cheerful Idiot, TT thought that was the very place for them," and the landlady smiled at him gratefully y.-Indianapolis Journal.
 My dear daughter" said Mir Scadds, 'I want you to think twice before you accept Mir Weevfl if he should propose
 "Yes papa" replied Miss Scadds, dutifully.
 And you must put an interval of ten years between the two thoughts" "- Judge,
 Colonel Dugout--No use talkfn'. The West is the place for young men. Re member Tom Tomkins used to live right here i'm your town? Eastern Man Very we'll No use to anybody. Coll onel Dugout--Jes' so. That feller land ed in Dugout City twenty years ago without g. cent in his pocket or a rag to his back. Yes, sir, and last week he failed for a million.-New York Weekly.
 MT. iHenpect (anxiously)-Can bring proceedings i'm court, MT. Blackstone, to set aside my wife's will?
 Lawyer-Why. your wife isn't dead, man, is she?
 MT. Henpect-No; that's just the trou- ble.-Somerville Journal. Tt didn't seem to me the audience was very enthusiastic" 'It didn't? How little you know of Wagnerian en- thusiasm! Didn't you notice how they talked at the end of each act?"-Chi- cago Tribune.
 William" she said gently and yet in accents of reproof, "you remember that I gave you several letters to mail last week, don't you?"
 'Y--yes; I remember it."
 But this is the first time you have remembered it since gave them to you, isn't it?"
 TT must confess that it is. How do you know?"
 ''I put a postal card addressed to my self among the lot, and it hasn't yet reached me. It only costs a cent and I find that it is a very effective way of keeping check on the rest of my mail. Now, dear, if you will hand me the let ters IT run out and post them myself" Washington Star. | -