Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1895-12-03
wleeLeswoRTH AND THE STOVE,

"B-r-r-r-r. snuuuereu MT. NlkRies-
worth as he came In from the office
''this house Is colds barn.
III know It," said Mrs. Wigglesworth,
pulling shawl more closely about her.
IL sent Willie down to the store for a
man to come and set up the little parlor
stove, but he was too busy to-day"
"What We want to rush into expense like
that forg" demanded Mr.. Wigglesworth
virtuously; "ain't they crowd enough OF
US, I'd like to know, to set up an eighty
pound stove, without paying q man 81
to come and leave an impression OF his
smutty hand on the parlor paper!'
"But 1t amt blacked," said Mrs.
wigglesworth.
well, why amt it?' said Mr.. Wiggles-
worth: whats that hired girl doing,
I'd like to ask, that she can't find time
to smear little blacking around WHARF
It's needed. Been putting full library
binding on one of those fireproof pies,
s'pose, or arranging a loaf OF her
imperyious cake. Where Is that stoveE
lie charged out into the shed, where
the stove was discovered after consid-
erable search, buried under wealth OF
utUIts cuCu TIC .Noibn sbSH
knows so well how TO accumulate.
YOU'RE dandy housekeeper, ain't
yeg" growled Mr.. Wigglesworth as he
fought his way toward the stove, while
his wife stood on box and volunteered
advice. always have things handy, you
do. Hints On Housekeeping, by Mrs
wigglesworth, in two volumes with full
glossary and key. Specially recommend
ed for young people who have their
own house aud want to keep II them
selves. That's what you are" To this
sort of running accompaniment Mr..
wigglesworth snatched his way through
the debris, pausing now and then, when
he encountered an ambu shed nail, TO put
his finger into his mouth, and imparting
thereby a weird tone TO the howl that
he gave vent to.
"Who nailed the thing DOWN" he
angrily called, as he finally got In where
his hands could grip the stove. He was
bent over in the most painful manner,
which afforded him but little breath to
spare. Eve ybody knows how mad that
makes man.
II think" Mrs. wigglesworth timidly
ventured, ''that its heavier than you
thought"
'Oh, yes, growled Mr.. Wigglesworth,
you're a great thinker, YOU are.
You're the woman that stands around
on one foot thinking up things for the
poor. I've read about you in the literary
reviews. Thoughts That Mrs. Wiggles-
worth has Thought or Particularly de-
signed for people who have 10 have their
thinking done elsewhere, All YOU
want TO do is to get Mr.. Gladstone to
read one of your books and your for
tunes made. Why don't We come and
catch hold here:" he yelled.
Mercy" calculated Mrs. Wiggles-
worth, startled from her perch By the
intensity of her husbands command: j
didn't know you wanted me To help"
whats the reason We didn't:" return
ed Mr.. Wigglesworth. Think I've got
the only back In the family that needs
breaking? Want me to pull my arms out
10 double length. don't We, SOS you can
use re TO feel around on the top shelves
o. closets and find things; That's what
you want"
"lt's--it's awful heavy" complain
cd Mrs. Wigglesworth a. she bent over
and fastened her grasp on the iron edge.
"POh :" sniilad her husband. There
We go first thing, finding fault. Why
don't We lift and not stop TO growl so
much
The setting sun. looking negligently
In az the cobwebbed window, impaired
an almost unea~thly radiance 10 the dis
tortcd countenance OF Mr.. Wigglesworth
"a he strained at the refractory stove,
and 20 set noble example to his wife.
which that worthy woman so ably emul-
ated "a to burst both back seams Of her
waist.
Where's that hired girl:n snarled
Mr.. Wigglesworth, pausing TO wipe his
face and so ornamenting himself with
some artistic smooches of SCOT. What
We got her concealed for Just the time
we need her most: Thinks shes too
good to lift on parlor stove, prob'ly.
Has TO save her strength for the dance
tomorrow night
Mrs. wigglesworth called the girl,
who came out, wiping her hands on the
cup towel.
!.Herer' directed Mr.. Wigglesworth.
.'you two women take hold of the top
and I'll snatch out the lower end, see:'
Whether the hired girl possessed a
strength hitherto undreamed OF, or the
earlier efforts had disengsged the cum
pering kindlings and other impedimenta
from about the stove legs, IL remains a
fact that the very first boost sent the
whole procession careering rockily
across the shed floor. the stove surging
and topping and Mr.. Wigglesworth's
vertebre sending forth creaking noise
that was ominous.
Put il down. he granted, as loud "a
his bent position would admit. "What
We trying to do, anyway" he clustered
as he Strengthened up and glared at his
assistants; "want 10 snap me in twoE'
1T seemed 10 come ITSELF" painted
Mrs. Wigglcsworth, looking at the stove.
"Course IL did, retorted Mr.. Wiggles-
worth scornfully; leave 1t alone and it
would waltz clean into the parlor. prob
ably stick its pipe into the chimney aud go
to smoking. Great stove, that J" he added,
and then stopped few minutes to grin
over the unexpected joke he'd made.
Now ketch hold again" he ordered,
and this time he took the lighter end
himself while Mrs. Wigglesworth and
Imogene tugged with freshened zeal at
the opposite extremity.
Across the cluttered shed floor they
went slowly, shufiling their heels, occa-
sionally catching against things and
disaster, while Mrs. Wiggles-
worth. whose tender hands were lacerat-
ing. dropped hot tears from her bulging
eyes and occasionally hoisted up sob.
"what We bellering at" pueifd Mr..
Wigglesworth, testify; "don't We know
any better than to cry all over cast
iron stove and rust il? Great household
economizer, you are." Then they came
to the step that rises from the shed to
the kitchen door, and Mr.. Wigglesworth,
by virtue of bearing the lighter end, ,es-
saved to take this backward.
i'Careful, nowr' he shouted, as the
hired girl, in proof that she was not ex-
hausted, gave an energetic shove; you
hain't washing dishes this time; be little
easier!"
Then he stepped gingerly upward and
his female coadjutors trailed behind.
lift. why don't we lift." he shouted,
as the effort of stepping upward COM
munlcated unexpected Weignt 10 MS
burden; ''think I'm going to do 1t all
wow"
The concluding remark was forced
out of him suddenly. as the bung leaves
a fermented beer keg, by the unexpected
enthusiasm of the hired girl, who, Civ
ing shoulder grandly sent the stove full
into Mr.. Wigglesworth's stomach and
pinned that gentleman against the kltch-
en- door, just as the woman who lives
across the way opened it. She had come
in to borrow an unused egg, and hearing
voices in the shed came ont TO ipyesti-