The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-03-20
WIT AND HUMOR,.


There is always something coming to
us. but it is not always just what we
prefer GGLUeSto9 NeacS.
He-Young Plugleigh is going to the
dogs fast. She-I'm sorry for the dogs
Detroit Free Press.
1t seems a provoking paradox that
light bill can be such heavy bill when
it's gas bill. l.-PhitGdeLphta Inquirer.
Faith-Don't you love the early poets9
Morton (managing editor of a maga-
zine)-Yes. l do; they're all dead
Harlem Life.
"Are you much taken with bloomers?"
well. rather; never go out in them
but am kodaked dozen times. y
Detroit Tribune.
Jillson SAYS the greatest sticklers for
form must sometimes bow to the inevi-
table without having had an introduce
tion.-Bufato Courier.
Mrs. McBride-John, dear, why are
some grocers called green grocers? Mr..
McBride-To distinguish them from
cash grocers, dear.-Vogste.
The Father-If you marry him you'll
have to live on the wind. The Daugh-
ter-Then, papa, perhaps you will raise
the wind for us.-N 7. Press.
Don't you think that Snobkin's man
ners are very affected?" "No. What
makes them really Objectionable is that
they're natural. - Washington Star.
my papa knows more than your
papa" said Jack. 81 know he does"
said Tom. "My papa says your papa
knows it all."-HGrper'S Young People.
"Dah aim no doubt, said Uncle Eben,
"bout contentment bein' better'n riches.
But mos ebry body nowadays seems too
p'lite ter want de bes' fob hisse'f"-
Washington Star.
"And why" said the thoughtful young
lady, "do you think the Gowanuses are
Irish? never heard of any member
of the family being on the police."-
Boston Transcript.
Flypps-Do you suppose Scribble
gets paid for his jokesP Flopps-He
certainly must. They show of them
selves that they can't be written for fun.
Buffalo Courier.
"a feller don't know what to do
complained Tommy. "The kids that
maw wants me to play with their moth
ers don't want 'em to play with me."-
Indianapolis Journal.
~One big disadvantage dat de human
race labors undah," said Uncle Eben,
"am de fact dat you mos allus KANT
jedge er man by his New Y'ah's resoIu-
ton. p Washington StGr.
Kawler-It strikes me those articles
of yours are so deep people will hardly
be able TO digest them. Scribbles-O,
that's all right. They are to go into
patent insides.-BmfaIo Courier.
First Mean Man-"Have you a cigarP"
Second Mean Man-"Yes. but only one,
and want to smoke myself" "Well. |
have one. too" And they smiled and |
smoked and each respected the other
Life.
Upton-Don't you think Mrs. Wabash |
was in rather an unseemly bury to |
marry after getting her divorcep Lake |
side-Goodness, no! She waited until |
the decree was brought to her by a |
messenger boy.-M Y AdUertiser.
"You will remember" said Snorkins
that geese once saved Rome" "Yes,"
replied Barkins, "but that's no excuse |
for so many geese cacklng nowadays |
under the impression that they are saw
ing this country. ."-Detroit Free Press.
The end-of-the-century baby is a
philosopher. A child was rebuked by
her father for breaking window in a
hit of temper. This, my child" said
the father, "is wickedness." NO,
papa. replied the child reprovingly,
'it it heredity. y."-Les0istors Jouraal.
Mother (sternly)-You'v been skat-
ing, Tommy, after l said expressly that
you could not. Tommy (after mo-
ment's silence, doggedly y)-Anyhow,
the old sign lied. 1t said "Danger!"
and l skated all over the pace and
there wasn't bit of danger.-M P.
Times.
%How did Smithers get along out
westp" Not very we'll" "He was a
remarkable fellow-so quick at repair
tee." Yes, that's how the trouble riz.
Ef he had been not so quick at repartee
an little bit quicker with a gun he
might be inj'yin' this climate yit."-
Detroit Free Press.
Head of Firm-Young man, I under
stand that you have been winning at
poker lately. Steele Penn-Well, sir, I
hope you will overlook it this time.
Head OF Firm-Certainly, but want
you to come around to the house to-
night. My wife is getting up little
game.-M Y Herald
She-I have every reason to believe
him Q man of correct principles. WHY,
heard him say only last evening that
no money would tempt him to do
wrong act. He-That's equivalent to
saying he'd do it for nothing, isn't itp
Well, didn't think him quite so bad
as that--Boston Transcript.
Peddler-Please, sir, perhaps your
wife would be pleased if you'd buy one
of my God Bless Our Home" notices,
beautifully colored and Blinkers ]
(savagely)-Fellow! My wife has just
applied for a divorce. Peddler-Ah!
Well, here is something she will like
then-~If at first you don't succeed, try,
try agaiu."-M. 7. Weekly. s
McSwatters-I wish 1 could get out
Of paying Dobson that SO I owe him.
McSwitters-Why don't you go up to
him with roll of bills in your hand
and say: "Dobson, here's that fifty l
borrowed of you?" McSwatters-Bu
only borrowed ten! McSwitters-
That's all right. The object is to kill
Oobson by the shock, and the $40 is
yours.-SyracuSe Post. '
=
ways take your seat near the rear end
IF the street car" What for, fatherP"
1t is principle of business, my son,
hat should be taken advantage Of" I
Explain, father" by taking your I
eat at the rear end you get 10 hold 8
7our nickel that much longer, and in
crest is worth something these days" :
-CgeUeiand PldindeqLer. l
We give below few gems culled a
rom the works of Ponson du Terrall: r
Her hand was cold like that of a SER +
'ent." THE countess was about to re- +
'ly when door opened and closed her h
MOUTH" "'Ha, hap he exclaimed in Il
"The colonel paced back j
Yard and forward with his hands be-
ind his back reading the newspaper"
AT this sight the negro's face grew
readfully pale. lie Figaro.
He will return, she persisted. They o
ad quarreled. she admitted, and he u