Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1895-02-22
$50 did T." quoth the major in

room.
$50 did I' quoth the major in
alarm
''I saw them days ago." chimed in
Jagson. "That's why stopped drink
ing"
''Gentlemen, interjected the fourth
member of the Old Guard, Mr.. Deep
tank by -"gentlemen, my wife
yesterday received calls from Mrs. Ma
jor Everfull and Mrs. General Soake,
and later in the day Mrs. Colonel Jag
son came. +"
Nothing remarkable in that, " said
Soake.
''Old friends, amt they?" quoth Jag
son.
"What's that got to do with DEVILS
eyes?" put in Everfull.
.'No offense, gentlemen, no offense at
all, I assure you, but think see the
solution of this mystery. am willing
to sacrifice myself on the altar of loyalty
to you, and tonight will go home So
-hem-but will pretend I'm little
bit hit in the weather eye-er-will
stumble up the stairs, just acting, you
know, gentlemen, but on my honor I'll
be clear in the top story. A sacrifice to
do it, gentlemen, but the circumstances
require forgetfulness of self"
With wonder the party broke up to
meet next morning. What has Deep
tank discovered that will lift this awful
pail? was the thought of the three af-
flicted men as they YEARLY toddled
home. Could the world ever come right
again?
Meanwhile the shades of night had
fallen, the hours crept on apace. but Mr..
Deeptank thought not Of home. He had
a mission to perform. and, though sit
ting up until 2 a. m. was nothing to
him, sitting up without grog was de-
cidedly unpleasant. Nevertheless he
fought the battle and won the fight.
Faithfully he refrained from nightcaps,
and when the hour of arrived he
heaved a mighty sigh, buttoned his coat
and made line for home When with
in sight of his domicile, he put on as
natural a jag gait as one would wish to
see. He knew Mrs. Deeptank had often
told him she could see him staggering
along, as she put it, and now she should
have chance to see him stagger.
'sToo bad to deceive the wife of ones
bosom, - muttered the victim of loyalty.
''Too bad, but it's good cause, . and
then he began to ascend the steps with
an imitation of profound alcoholism as
realistic in its effect as any genuine
Deeptank jag ever was. The keynote
was finally found, and Deeptank began
to have histrionic aspirations. There
was no one as yet to appreciate his abili-
ties as an actor, but within himself he
felt that citation which great actors say
is the highest reward of the art
Deeptank was the last to arrive the
next day at the meeting place. He took
his whisky plain, as usual, but about
his eyes was an unusual twinkle, and in
his hand he carried small round wood
en- box.
Gentlemen, he began in his suave,
apologize voice, 81 have made dis
covery. A deep conspiracy has been laid
by our wives pardon me, gentlemen,
but hear me--a deep conspiracy, say,
has been Matched to break down the GUS
toms of our friendship, to destroy our
pleasure in life. AS you know, had a
theory yesterday. That theory today is
a fact. Last night saw those shiny
spots like DEVILS eyes, but was perfect
ly sure of my senses pardon me again,
gentlemen--and called upon my better
half for an explanation. She could see
nothing, Of course, but after my suffer-
ings, gentlemen, I was not to be put off
that way, and as result hold in my
hand the solution of the mystery. Ny
wife confessed to the whole plot when
she discovered was not-er-under the
influence. The spots were made by
sprinkling phosph powder on the
floor. The powder is not made to rival
the Kelley cure, but for the destruction
Of the bedbug. Here is the box, bearing
it's own inscription. -
Silently the box was passed to Cen
eral Soake. He adjusted his glasses,
read the label, and in tones loud and
clear yelled, Waiter, my usual decoc-
toni"
By the time the drink was brought
Colonel Jagson had perused the colored
inscription, shifted at the contents Of
the box and accepted the explanation,
and he demanded of the waiter why his
usual drink was not there.
Then Major Everfull tumbled into
line. The toast was drunk in silence,
but the eyes of three of the party were
turned with thankfulness to the hero
who had made life again worth living.
That night Mrs Jagson realized that
the surest way to have a secret kept is
not to tell it to ones dearest friend, but
the Old Guard is happy and never speaks
of phosphorus. -New York Sun.