Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1895-02-10
AMERICAN RESTAURANTS
A Blast From an Engiishman In a Bad
Humor

Humor
RaHeiestsr Courier
The student OF psychology will notice
that the American waiter has the I'M
happy knack Of interrupting you when
your mouth is full TO ask YOU soma
idiotic question-whetner YOU want
more of the Internal ice water. etc.
Grilled tomatoes are unknown. Thew
don't even understand what "grilled
tomatoes" mean, aud you can only have
them fried by paying an extortionate
additional charge.
The waiter has the insolence some
times to ''correct" you If you order
tomatoes, asking you ii you mean
"tomeytoes, as the word Is pronounced
in the ugly, drawing, Yankee vernacu-
lar. II you order q steak UNDERGONE,
i. e., what they cal "resr" in their
bastard lingo OF pigeon English, woe
betide. 1t will be served quite raw"
Although no mustard is placed on ths
table for beef, porE. ham or bacon. il
IS fusslly proffersd for lamb. But alasl
pork and lamb are even worse than the
beef Mustard In enormous quantities.
however. is mixed with lamb stew. and;
what is worse, one must eat II noens
volens or starve.
Another unspeakable horror Of Amer.
lean cookery is fried" chicken. In
stead OF q good English roast or boiled
fowl. or a French pOulet roti, with It's
appetizng and delicious gravy, this ex-
ecrable abomination Is c0oly placed be-
fore you. The skinny, leathsry, inslpId
fowl is foulIy fried or baked to streds-
sometimes almost TO a cinder. black
ened, undiItlnguishable mass-of course
without a drop OF gravy. II we were
not told, an epcure would be puzzled TO
guess the nature OF the vile dish, and,
indeed. one can't tell the difference often
between American pork and veal.
Cheese can rarely. indeed. be obtain
ed, and it is always bad. But II meat
and poultry are served up tasteless.
without gravy or fat, en- revanche all
vegetables. without exception, are in
dulged with more or less I0athsOme or
repulsive sauces, peas invariably swim
ming IN a bath of green water, while
beans and potatoes are cooked In man.
ner too horrible for description Maize,
which Ia only given 10 pigs IN England
or France, is considered quite deli
cacy. Bur, then, anything will do for
Americans.
Save at New Orleans and San Fran
cisco, where French civilization pre-
walls to certain limited extent, one
can not get decent mea for love or
money. There are no banquets OF Luz
cullus or Anacreon In the Eastern
States; for neither wine nor beer can be
had Ia 90 por cent. OF the so-called res
taurants. Cast glancs into any OF the
fashionable hotels or restaurants or
New York in Fifth avenue or Broad
way, as you pass their large, splendid
plate glass windows.
Never by any chance will you see any
of the diners drinking claret, or any
other vintage that gladdens the heart
of man, and also of women. The rosy
god is absent The internal ana semp-
thermal iced water ia scores OF tum pliers
brimful Of the atroclous stun only meets
your astonished gaze. Californian or
binary aud superior wines alike In the
so-called "French" restaurants-a mis-
homer, indeed-sr simply abOminable,
being usuallya vile compound OF log
wood, quinine, tsrtsric acid, or other
chemical ingredients, as different FROM
the pure and really excellent ylntages
Of ZInfandel as chalk from cheese.