Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-11-04

Sweetheart, good night
Winthrop Packard. in Munsey's Magazine.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
There is q charming elasticity about
girl of eighteen springs. Texas
Siftings.
The cold ham is far more welcome
to the unlucky than the "cold shoul-
der. Puck.
The burden of one man is bag OF
gold. while the burden Of another is
an empty pocketbook. Dallas News.
Go to the sea. athletic one
Nerves, health and strength to reach;
For sand and grit you'll find galore
And mussels on the beach.
Judge.
She (dreamiIy)-"Only fancy
month from to-day we shall be mar
ried." He (absently)-"Well, let's
be happy while we can. '-lllustratcl
Bits.
SIT is the hand that cradles the
rocks" crooned Old Bullion, gloating
over the contents of his strong box,
"that moves the world. Chicago
Tribune.
The new woman may not be able to
sharpen her own lead-pencil, but she
has the paragrapher on the jump just
now keeping point on his. -4onkers
Statesman.
Dagget-"I wonder what's the mat.
ter with Growium to-day?" Nagget
why, is he sicll?" Dagget-No;
he seems to be all right to-day. -
Boston Courier.
Though take medicine at night
To give me big appetite,
I'd rather have cake any day,
To take my appetite away.
Puck.
Bighead- "They say man should
never look gift horse in the mouth. -
Wisely - "That is very true. He
knows nothing of its habits and it
might bite him. Truth.
"Heve a good time at the lecturer"
'fNaw, didn't amount to shucks. His
subject was Ancient Greece and he
never once mentioned the price of
pork. Dansville Breeze.
Optician ito his new clerk "Now,
in sending out those price lists write
the addresses as small as possible, SO
that those reading them may feel how
badly they need glasses. "-Tit-Bits.
Said Jones II think the Indian
Who follows out his bent
Would make good detective, for
He's always on the cent"
Truth.
Ready and Willing: He-"Wlll
you marry me?" She-"Certainly."
He-"Thanks. Twas afraid you were
going to say it was too sudden" She
cit couldn't be. Washington
Star.
Piano Tuner-"Good day, madam;
I came to tune your piano" Pianist
-''But I did not send for you.
Piano Tuner 81 know, but your next
door neighbor did. "-Mcmphis Scim-
eter.
A correspondent "What
should bow-legged man do?" This
is hard question to answer, but
when he hasn't got anything else to
do he should be whooping for wider
styles in trousers. Texas Siftings.
81 WONDER" said young lady,
"why Hymen is always represented as
carrying q torch" To which her
bachelor uncle sneeringly responded:
"To indicate that he always makes it
warm for people who marry. Tit
Bits.
"Of course" said the practical girl,
"there is such a thing rs love at
sight" 'I'm so glad to hear you say
it," replied her romantic friend
"Yes-but I'd always advise giving it
at least thirty days to settle, just the
same. ."-Washington Star.
Elsie-"Yes, dear, my husband is
doctor, and lovely fellow, but he is
awfully absent-miuded." Ada-"In-
deedI" Elsie-"Only fancy During
the marriage ceremony, when he gave
me the ring, ho felt my pulse and
asked me to put out my tongue.
Ada--"Well he won't do tho latter
again. "--Tit-Bits.
Steinitz, the chess player, some
times becomes so absorbed in consid-
ing Il problem that he will stand still
IL the most crowded thoroughfare. 1t
is related of him that on one occasion
he caused such an obstruction that
policeman told him to move on. "Ex-
cuse me, !" replied the champion alb
sently, 'but it is your move. "-Argo-
naut.