Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1895-07-20
THE AMATEUR PAPER HANGER.

From the New Budget.
Dramatis personae: He, and She (his
| wife,.
She-Henry. the carrier. has brought the
| wall paper. Let's begin; the paste is
| all ready.
He-How much paper did you getf
she-Six pieces. The man said we should
want eight but of course. he was only
trying to cheat me. know six will be
plenty. .,
He-But suppose we spoil lot?
she-Ah. but we shan't. It's quite easy.
l watched man doing it at Uncle Fred's
last spring. and he didn't spoil bit. Come
along. They go along) I've measured the
wall. and we want ninety inches in each
length. They measure a strip of paperI
Now. the paste.
He pasting)-What stuff 1t is! I'm sticky
up to my elbows already. II I'd known
what messy job it was, I'd have had
man to do 1t.
| She-But think what we save! We shall
DO the whole room for half a crown. Wei
begin In this corner. Take the strip by the
top and get on to the stepladder. Gle at
| tempts to do so. Several feet of paper cur,
around his legs. and adhere firmly to his
He Gearing off the paper)-Just look al
my clothes! How Oh earth can walk abou
| with dozen yards Of this fiendish stuff
| without getting mixed up in 1t?
| She-There! I quite forgot. We ought t.
nave turned up the end Never mind; bet
| ter luck next time.
Hs-There's eight feet of paper wasted,
anyhow! "a length is pasted and hung
Rather wrinkly, isn't it?
She-They1l come out when 1t dries. jus.
rub it with the cloth.
| He-Now all the COMPOUNDED color begir-
to run! That comes of buying such wretch
ed cheap stuff.
Shelf doesn't matter much for a nurs
cry; and it won't look bad when it's alik.
| all over. Next strip.
He examining paper)-Look here Dolly
| this paper isn't all the same color The b.;
on the wall is ever SO much darker thai
| the roll.
She-So It is! They must have given Us
| a faded piece. What a shame.
He-Then they'll Just have to take &
back We'd better chuck it up till We &c.
the proper stun.
She-Tm afraid We must. CThey chuc'
| 1t up. After an interval she returns an
finds that the hung paper has become light
er on drying. Operations are resumed)
| He (after hanging another strip)-Hullo
What's this COMPOUNDED space all down the
| side?
She-How stupid of us! We never cut o..
the edge.
He-Stupfd of US! 1 like that. I dom.
pretend to know anything about it.
She-Don't be angry. dear. We're sure T.
make a few mistakes at first. We car
easily cover the Join. Cut the edge of tbs
next piece, anyhow.
CHe cuts. The roll goes through several
inconven,ent automatic evolutions)
He-Boa constructors aren't in II with th!'
| sQuirming paper. 1 wish you'd hold l.
steady. Look! the miserable thing has roll
ed ND on to the point Of the scissors an
made a great hole
She-Never mind. dear. It won't shoy'
when it's up. You might hang the mex,
strip little stra:gffter. though. That las.
one doesn't nearly fit at the ceiling.
10 L
the top you said it didn't fit at the side.
1 can't help it. 1 wonder who the idiot was
that invented wall paper? (Savagely0 ]
should like to kick him.
She-For goodness sake, don't lose you:
temper. or we shall never finish.
He (groaning)-All right: come on. 90
the ladder.) How am 1 to hang this. wit.
that bell thing in the way?
She-Can't you pull 1t out and put l.
back afterward?
He (crossly)-rm afraid not. Both m
with my teeth.
She-Don't be silly. I'll hold the paper
Now trv.
half the wall will come down.
She-Then we must cut the paper to r
it. Just measure where the bell comes
Gle measures; she tries to cut the We
paper. which drags on the floor and ge;-
hopelessly crumpled)
He-That's no good. Another piece was:-
ed!
| S0e-W
cut it before We paste. Does so. While I
is adjusting 1t the stepladder Wobbles. r
clutches at the wall. rubbing or largS
piece Of damp paper9
He-That's pretty, isn't 1t? I won't us
| these rotten steps any more. Cdurls tn.
steps out of the door.)
| She (soothingly)-You can stand on !:
chair, dear. II will be ever so much easlei
to move about.
He (after a great struggle to make thu
paper fit corner)-Ugh! It's all cock-eyet
and wrinkled! Why can't builders round Of
the corners decently? must have some
thing to drink; feel as IL I'd walked ter
miles, I pity the poor devils who have L
make a living at this game.
| Interval for Refreshments)
He (after half an hours workl-Tm Jus:
| about sick Of this. Look at the wrinkles
and the smears. and the gaps! 1 wouldn
ask a dog to live in the room. The chill
dren will all get squints or some awful
optical disease, I know; and it's ten te
one there's arsenic in these cheap papers.
She-Nonsense! That last strip was much
| better-we're improving. Shall we pull
down the first few pieces and start fresh?
He1Great heavens! I wouldn't do 1t agar
for ten pounds! feel like a boiled cod. a:
me. Come on! don't stand staring. wher
| you might be cutting a fresh strip.
She-Fm sure boiled cod wouldn't hav'
such an awful temper!
| He'll bet 1t would II 1t had taken on {
days paper hanging.
| say it's all my fault, II you like. Just be
| cause I try to save little money! AM
you grumble SO fearfully at the bills.
He-Grumble! should think SO. I'm no
a millionaire. and II had fifty thousan,
a year
She-Are you going on with this paperins
| or not?
Hell don't mind. Anything to oblig,
you, darling. Gle mounts the chair, which
collapses, depositing him on the floor In &
winding sheet of sticky paper. He emerge!
profaning) I'm not proposing to do any
more. 1t isn't worth 1t. breaking ones
, neck for twopence-ha'p penny. Wipes tht
, | paste out of his hair and kicks the chail
.. into a corner) You can finish 1t yourself. Il
you want to.
She-You know can't do It without you
He-Very well. I'll write to Jenkins tt
| send out q man tomorrow; and IL ever yol
catch me trying any of these insane eco
nomical lodges again, you can have m,
| locked up as a iunatic. Retires in q furi
| Gus temper, and sulks for week)
The Overworked Extremity 2
| From Truth.