The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1895-02-08
ON TOP NOW.
how ths Cut Edge Girls Were Favored
By, y,Circunistanoes.

Appendicitis Is very modern, very ex-
pensive and tremendously fashionable all
ment, aud it's social possibilities are illim-
liable.
An ordinary citizen suddenly feels a
pain in his side and he Is told by his
friends he has dropped a stitch" or has
rheumatism or pleurisy, and he forthwith
goes to bed In dreadfully bad temper and
sends for a doctor. Tho doctor comes in
q hurry, feels bis pulse, squints at his
tongue, orders pills, mustard plasters and
a number of vile tasting and expensive
nostrums, tells him to keep his feet dry,
cuts off his cigars, whisky and other pleas
ures collects $40 and hustles off to SOC
colicky baby.
II tho patient be man of means, with
fashionable wife and ambitious daugh-
ters, tho wise physician approaches his
prey carefully and silently sits down sol.
emnly by the bedside, feels the victims
pulse looks at his gold watch, purses his
lips and says, Mimi" He rises with q
deep sigh, looks at the startled wretch's
tongue, shakes his head sadly and slowly,
stalks out of the bedchamber with his
hands behind his back and his eyes on the
carpet, followed by the alarmed family.
The anxious wife looks at him appealing
ly and demands to know the worst
Says uOCLOT you
must get trained nurse at once"
"Certsinly, DOCTOR" answers the fright
ened woman, but tell me, doctor--I am
his wife-he Ia their father-what is IT."
Madam" tho doctor responds trag-
ically-aye, Boothly-"Mr. Giltedge has n
severe case Of appendicitis.
"Whatf You don't tell me It is''-
Appendicitis, madam. But We will
pull him through will call in DR.. Car
yer at once. Meantime secure Miss Ban
dage, the nurse who lives at that address,"
handing her o card. "She has great deal
of experience In such cases. She is simply
invaluable. l will call again this evening
with DR.. Carver. Good morning" And
off ho goes on his career of rapinc
Tho fashionable wife sits down in a
blissful state Of grief, anu calling her
daughters around her ANNOUNCES with
mingled pride and sorrow: Girls DIR.
Pilling says your poor, dear pa has appen-
dicitis. 1t Is genuine case. There is to
be nn operation, but we must bear our
trial brayely" ....
The girls try to look sad and serious,
but the unholy joy OF social triumph Is
written in their faces. Appendicitis is the
trade mark Uf the phrase is permissible)
of the genuinely aristocrat, on nilnent
generated only In blue blood. Nobody on
the street ever had it. Old Cotton-of the
Mayflower Cottons-clalmed to have had
1t, but DIR. Pilling had limited that 1t was
merely sciaticn. The young ladies order
ed out the carriage at once to carry the
painful intelligence to all their fashion
able foes and Mrs. Giltedge gave orders
that she was at home to no one, instruct
ing her servants to allow nobody to know
that Mr. Giltedge was dangerously Ill with
appendicitis. Giltedge himself lies ebed
up stairs as amiable as Wall street bear
in rising market using language.
In the evening servant man and car
riage go for Miss Bandage, and Quillby,
who does the "social swim" business for
The Gazette, receives an anonymous note
announcing that Giltedge has appendicitis.
When DIR. Carver arrives with DIR. Pill
Ing all the street Is agog, and the fashion
able surgeon confirms the diagnosis of his
confederate and tells Giltedge blandly
that at 10 O'Clock next morning he will
operate on him. After instructions to
Miss Bandage, who is impressive in cap
and apron, the worthy leeches depart.
Giltedge, being merely man who hates
society" docs not enjoy the distinction
he Is comforting on his family. He stig.
matizes Carver as q butcher and Pilling
as quack and behaves in shooklng,y
common and vulgar way about the whole
thing
~In the morning Giltedge is duly ether
lied, chloroformed or laughing gased.
Carver, dressed in white like sacriflcial
priest, fondles his ribs lovingly, knife in
hand. Pilling looks on, wisely laden with
sponges. An assistant holds miniature
birdcage over the victims nose and mouth
to dam profanity, whilo Miss Bandage
floats around like white vision, doing
general utility business. The drama be-
gins Carver, with a knife, opens up Gilt
edge, using a lot of long words for the
small things ho cuts off, and finally hoists
q wretched little bag out of Gltedges
anatomy, which he calls the yerniform
appendix. Some vermiforms and SO forth
have nothing in them. Others have peas,
ohestnuts, baseballs, duck shot, coffee kerr
nels, cherry stones and other tri1es in
them. Ono man developed pearl in his
-he had a passion for clams-and Mrs.
Giltedge hopes that her husband will cut
up diamond or at least moonstone.
The surgeon opens the bag with the air Of
man opening jack pot. Glltedge has
come out OF his opium joint and is being
plastered up.
whats In the blamed thing, Carver9"
he asks In feeble voice. "A poker chip
or brass buttonP"
1t looks like the top OF collar button
or grape seed" the surgeon says blandly.
Call 1t collar button, Carver, Gilt
edge exclaims eagerly. The old lady Is
kicking everlastingy about my eating
grapes whole and II it's grape seed I'll
never hear the end Of it, Make 1t a collar
button and put 1t In your bill E"
And 1t was duly pronounced to be
small pearl, eaten with oysters, and great
was the glory thereof.
The Giltedge girls hold their heads in the
air as they pass the Bullions, for appen
dicitis has fixed forever the status of the
family, and yet 1t only costs nero 81, 900
and little abattoir practice on a Wall
| street bear.-l4ife.