Evening star., 1895-10-31
PETER AND HIS WHISPERS
What Night Result From Shaving OFF the
Hirsute Adornment
A Theory Advanced by the Classical
Scholars of the Senate and It's
Limited Application.

If Senator PETER should cut off his whis-
kers this winter, and it is intimated that
he may, some strange things might happen.
PETER is a much misunderstood man. The
public have wrong idea of him. His col
leagues in the Senate know him better.
There is theory that all his populism is
in his whiskers. When this idea was first
suggested it was not thought much of, but
the thing has been discussed up one side
and down tine other. Some ingenious scien-
tific theories have been advanced, and. the
characteristics of bearded men in history
have been called forward to prove that the
growth of hair upon the chin influences the
mind. 1t has been pointed cut that all the
great and logical thinkers of the world
have had smooth faces.
Theory of the Classical Scholars.
The classical scholars of the Senate have
pointed that the reason the term barbarian
has come to mean uncivilized was that the
Greeks and Romans of fine discrimination
discovered a subtle association between
boards and lack of reasoning powers. 1t
was shrewdly observed, too, that when
smooth-fac men think deeply they rub
their hands backward through their hair or
across their foreheads, thus giving a sort
of massage, which develops those parts or
the cranium as to give room for the
expansion of reasoning qualities of the
brain. On the other hand, men with boards,
stroke their boards while thinking, thus
developing only the muscles of the jaw and
thickening the skin upon the cheek, and
elongating and narrowing the face and
head, and presumably contracting the mind
and focusing it on one object, so as to dis
qualify it from grasping more than one
idea at Il time.
A Limited Application.
This new theory, which it is believed may
prove of great value to the human race if
followed up scientifically, is confined by its
discoverers in it's application to men who
enter the field of statecraft. They believe
that it may not apply at all, or at least
only to limited extent. to men in ordinary
walks of life. 1t is held that merchant,
doctor even a minister may wear
long beard without injury, but among law
makers it should be discouraged The three
conspicuous examples in the Senate last
year-Peffer Stewart and Dolph-gave
force to the theory. 1t was still further
streng gthened by careful observation of
| the Kansas Senator under various condi-
| tions. 1t was observed that when he wore
| his beard buttoned under his vest he was
| more conservative in lis utterances; that
| when it was allowed to flow freely, as was
| usual, he was more radical and disposed to
advance strange propositions, ana tnat
| when the wind blew violently he was more
agitated and disposed to feel that the coun-
| try was going wrong and that there should
| be a complete political overthrow.
| AtImirn BILE Traits of Character.
| Intimate association with him showed,
| too that he was man of some capacity,
| and that there were traits of character
| which indicated possibility of development
| They found in him man who always
keeps his word; one who will not make a
| questionable bargain, and one who Is al
| ways amiable ard frank and well inten-
| toned. They also found him a great stu.
dent, but with the one defect that he
| hi, y.-ni ha St
| developing his chin and cheek instead OF
his forehead. The result of all these OBJ,
| servatons was a conclusion that if his
beard were shaved off he would develop
into some such man as John Sherman
and be a great credit to the Senate.
No one has dared to make the suggestion
to him. but the report that he may shave
Is received with great interest. 1t is re
ceived. too, with anxiety, lest it be no
| true There is much interest in discovering
what his course in the Senate will be thi:
winter. A great deal depends on it, arc
that adds importance to the question
whether he will continue to wear a beard
If the above subtitle theory is correct. two
good republicans might be made of Peffel
and Stewart by a handy barber.