The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-05-21
WISE OR OTHERWISE.

Young man who considers nlnseH
man of resources was once in the act oil
pressing young lady to his manly BOSOM
saws the Chicago Post, when the young
ladys sister entered the room. or course
he desisted at once, but he was not EN-
barrassed The young lady's sister said:
Excuse me-" and started to leave the
room, when he felt that he ought to say
somo thing, and say it right away. Don't
GO" he said, we've just been measuring
to see which is the taller" She paused
In the doorway and looked at them both
intently. You're both about the same
height" she said, quietly. but sister is
much redder."
SONG OF A CYNIC:
This world Is but fleeting show
And little joy he CLEANS
Who curiousy undertakes
To look behind the scenes.
1t is not what the player does
That in the long run tells
In rounding out his baseball fame,
But what the umpire yells.
The fieetest racer sometimes fails
The victory to claim;
'Tis not the horse that gets in first,
But the one the judges name.
And so 1t Is with all success
That human life may see;
'Tis not the man that counts, but what
The man is thought to be.
Washington Star.
Miss Odette Tyler, the charming actress
whom rumor has connected in a matri-
monial sense with the Gould family, off
the stage is known as Elizabeth kirkland,
the daughter of Confederate general.
Apropos of that fact, this story is told:
Shopping one day in London she ordered
the cabman to draw up in front of a rather
unpretentous store, as she had forgotten
to get pair of gloves. Finding what was
wanted she noticed that the place was
full of marvellous assortment of most
reasonable articles. She made number
of purchases by the card and finally pre-
scented herself at the cashiers desk to
pay. you're number, ma'am?" he court
eously inquired. Number she vaguely
asked. why, what do you mean?" II
mean the number Of your ticket with
which you shop in the army and navy
stores" 1t quickly dawned upon her that
she was in place where she had no right;
for, by your number are you known in this
vast institution. and these tickets are
only allowed to the "army and navy"
The situation was embarrassing, but Miss
Kirkland's ready wit saved her. With
her most fetching, frank smile she looked
up at the clerk and said: II haven't any
number, but my name is Miss kirkland,
niece of the admiral and daughter of the
general by the same name, of the United
States" "Ah! beg your pardon" the
clerk quickly responded, "the courtesy of
the store is shown to the American army
and navy" "Thank heaven for my ances-
tors" she said as she bought q pair of
$l.75 gloves for s1.25.
SCISSORED EPIGRAMS:
Babies should never put a gift horse in
the mouth.
Many a man is expected to be the archi-
tect of his son-in-law's fortune.
Some men are tried and trusted, while
others are tried after being trusted.
No doubt politicians would be as truth
full as other people IL they were accus-
toned to it.
Nature makes but few mistakes, but,
somehow, 1t seems as If the shad might
have been built with fewer bones.
A western contemporary tells the fol-
lowing war story, which, of course, 1t SOL
emny assures us Is "true in every par
ticular": During the battle of the Wilder
ness, Henry +. Lowpenny, a corporal in
the Thirty-second Indiana Volunteers,
lost his right arm at the elbow by the ex-
plosion of a shell. His cousin, Bradley
ex-state chancellor of Missouri,
now lives on the scene of the battle. and
last week, when his 15-year-old son was
rd's-nesting, he found a nest built in a
skeleton hand In the fork of large maple
tree. On the hand was a seal ring, and
on taking his strange find home the ring
was at once recognized as his uncle's
The latter Is now dead, but the ring has
been sent to his widow. who lives with a
married daughter in Seattle, Wash.
SAYINGS OF SAPIENCE:
Occupation is the scythe of time.-Napo-
leon L.
Labor to show more wit in discourse
than words.-Spencer.
Think wrongly, II you please. but in all
cases think for yourself.-La Bruvere.
Great mistakes are often made like great
cables, from multitude of strands.-V.
Hugo.
The virtue of the soul does not consist
In flying high, but walking soberly.-Mon-
taigne.
Our greatest glory Is not in never fall
Ing, but in rising every time we fall
Pascal.
Our dissatisfaction with any other solu-
ton is the blazing evidence of immortality.
Emerson.
There is only one thing we are willing to
have others share with us. 1t Is our opin-
on.-Mignet.
II thou canst not make thyself loved
much, make thyself slightly feared
Adolph d'Hondetot.
To live above our station shows a proud
1eart and to live under 1t discovers a mar
'ow soul.-H. Malot.
Every man has q serious rival in the
deal man woman likes to sit and dream
Bourget.
Most of our misfortunes are more sup-
portable than the comments Of our friends
ipon them.-A. Dumas
Women swallow at one mouthful the lie |
mat fiatters and drink drop by drop the
ruth that is bitter.-Roseleaf.
A strange story Is told In connection with
'ome lectures on Theosophy at Bangor.
England. The lecturer was in the midst |
If learned discourse, and asked in stem
orlan tones; What comes after DEATH
No one answered. and after short pad