The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1895-10-30
A HUMOROUS SKETCH.
THE GOLD-BUG AND THE PHIL
OSOPHER.
Rothschild Want to Know all About
Grover.
(The Railway Times,)

boston's lOng-neck-clam, bake-bean
and Aladdin-oven philosopher, being
In London and his fame having reach
ed the ears of Rothschilds, he was in
vited to the palace of the lineal de-
scendent of Judas Iscariot for the
purpose of being interviewed as to
what he knew of Grover Cleveland.
Rothschilds, entering his magnificent
library whittier the philosopher had
| been escorted, Saluted him most
graciously and began the interview at
once.
"Vell. Mr.. Philosopher, you haf got
one very great name in Yurup."
'"Thanks!"
"Blease dell me vat you knows about
dem long-neck CLANS
well, sir, they are a valuable BIZ
valve found in the mud and sand
along the coast of New England, and
properly cooked in my Aladdin oven
are yer nutritious. Would like to sell
you one of my ovens. You see, one
long-neck clam, two white beans, or
beans of any color, a pinch of salt,
pinch of pepper, cooked in the fat of a
healthy flea, makes square meal for
a New England workingman, so re-
ducing the cost Of living that we are
able to pay principle and interest on
all the gold bonds you can persuade
Mr.. Cleveland to issue. The great
problem with us is to reduce the cost
of provisions for our working people
and we are getting it down to a fine
point"
We'll, should dink dat am fact"
viii you dell me bout dem bake
| beans?"
"Certainly. You see, there are about
$4,000 beans in bushel. Cost, one
dollar Brings a bean down to a
value SO small that you would not stop
to ascertain the amount. One cent
would purchase, usually, 300 beans,
and 800 beans cooked in nv oven
| forms the basis of square meal for
family Of five. have calculated that
square meal for workingman need
not cost over three cents, and / do not
doubt that the cost may be reduced to
one cent. This reduction of the cost of
living makes it possible for our corpo-
rations to reduce wages and amass
great fortunes. Already we have at
least one hundred millionaire estates
that in due time will equal those of
your illustrious house,
"Vell. mine Gott! Vat a great
goundry is dot United State Of Ameri-
ga. But vat about dem shtrikes?"
"Oh, may it please your excellency,
They don t amount to much. We have
we'll drilled army. with the most i'm
proved guns, sand if our working people
kick we speedily subdue them, when
they return to their tasks as submis-
sive as SO many Chinese coolies"
"Shure, dot ish de way to settle dem
dings."
"You know Mr.. Cleveland? Dell
me vat sort of man ish Mr.. Gleve-
land"
"Oh, he's immense. Weighs 400
pounds-so big it is difficult to get
around him. He is known as the fat
of the land. A remarkable specimen
of over production. He moves about a
great deal. Sometimes he is away
from Washington City, for months,
but that makes no difference; the seat
of government is in his trousers"
Vat ish dot you say"
ooh, when Mr.. Cleveland is in his
cat boat catching blue fish the seat of
| government is in the cat boat When
he goes hunting reed birds and wild
| geese, where he is is the seat Of gov
ernment. | am just little face etious
when l say the seat Of government is
in his trousers. | could say in his hat
or in his boots, which, though equally
funny, would not be equally true"
| We'll, Veil. Mine Gott! BY Moses
and de brotits Dat gets away nit me.
Mine Gott, vat a goundIy dot ish.''
Vat about dem banics und dem
dramps? Vat you diEks bout dem?"
"They are small matters. Panics
will come, but they serve a good pur-
pose. They reduce wages, and once
down they remain down. And as for
tramps, we treat them to quieting
logic Of gun powder. Such things,
you see, gives our moneyed class in
creasing power to work out the des-
tiny of our great republic and main
tain it's standing in the family Of ma
tions.'
Den you dink dem gold bonds am a
| goot investments"
"Certainly. Every dollar will be
paid in gold, principal and interest.
| All the more certainly as labor is
made to realize that its mission is to
work and Starve to increase the
wealth and influence of such great
benefactors of the race as your excel
lency and your great house have al
ways been."
"Danks, Mr.. Folosofer, for your
com bliments. Und now We will ust
crack Won dem goot bottles Of vine, or
dozen Of dem. Mr.. Folosofer,I drink
to de health of Mr.. Cleveland, to the
Syndicate, und to your great gaun-
dry"