Middletown transcript., 1895-06-29
DO YOU SMOKER

EDITOR TRANscRIPT:-The success of
your end-pew "Crank," emboldens another
"crank" k"-that's myself-to venture out of
his ancient shell.
Though old and feeble, tho't if petit
coated "Crank"(perhaps"C "Crankess," would
be the properest title) could "speak her
mind" so might an old fogy in panta-
looms.
Now an old man, who in his youth was
something of 'globe trotter," and who
has bunked with "Greasers," and tented
with Sioux Indians and met many varie-
ties of "tough" citizen, is not easily shocked
but must confess some of the promis-
ing youth Of this, our lovely rural retreat,
has furnished me spectacle which, for alb
solute NERVE" takes high rank with any
thing in my experience.
During the past few weeks have, on
several occasions seen young men smoking
in one of our churches. have seen several
more smoking at or near the Church door
as the congregation was passing out. 1 saw
one young gentleman-no, not that-mole
animal in ponts-standing in the church
doorway one evening, putting his nicotine
breath into the very faces of those coming
out of the Church. Those two or three
ladies who were unlucky enough to get
simultaneous taste of the breath of his rs
center's" fragrance, will no doubt recall
that pleasurable after-piece to the sermon!
At another time l was witness to a young
fellows painful struggle in the vestibule of
this same church. He was plainly "halting
between two opinions''-his 5 CENTER"
and the gospel. My last glimpse of him
was when he had modestly retired behind
the front door of the church, and was en-
gagged in violent effort to get the largest
possible amount of nicotine consolation in
the shortest space of time out of his tobacco
before surrendering it for the gospel. How
ever, I've hopes of him, he, at least has the
grace to be ashamed of his act, and that is
more than canbe said of bis fellow dsecra-
ters of the Temple of Almighty God, who
do not even seek to hide their profana-
ton!
man whom have seen coolly lighting, and
smoking his cigar in front of the church,
after the morning service, nor comment on
those chivalric gentlemen-I should say
gents" who, after evening services, show
their respect for the people thronging the
pave around them, and for the fair damsels
fondly clinging to their manly fippers, by
pouring fourth a stream of nasty nicotine
the moment they are fairly out of Gods
House-using some times the very walls of
His Temple to strike their match on. Only
this much to those young ladies-take an
old FOOLS advice, girls, and don't cling SO
hard to these Sunday y-night-walking to
bacco-signs-"f fellows" who haven't sense
ing you in public to the level of Bowery
"duffer" sporting "tender-loin" drab Oh
his arm Or. if you think you must cling,
givehim lesson in taste and gentilitv; make
him elect between the enjoyment { at least
Sunday evenings, ON the street, of your So
ciety and that of his precious "5 center"
Teach him to consider the right of other
people to swallow fresh air; suggest to him
something about the sacredness of Gods
Sabbath; or if none of these things move
him, perhaps it may, to inform the fresh
youth that such conduct is not considered
good form, indeed, is tho by finely bred
folk to be the quintessence of rowdyism,
and perhaps for Madam Grundy's sake if
not for yours, the public's, or Gods, he
may in future devour his Hayanas" under
cover"
Possibly, in order to oblige these lovers
of tobacco, who show some inclination to
divide their worship of the weed with the
Gospel it might be well for the church
authorities to open smoking parlors in the
church or elsewhere, to which these youths
who cannot even one day in seven give to
God their entire worship can resort and
commune, say a half hour before the be-
ginning Of the regular services. The bell
might ring, and this world be known
as the Nicotine Vespers of the young
Mems Puffem U. P. Club of Middletown."
On reflection, must say the idea seems to
have much to commend it:
First These worshipers of the tobacco
Devil will certainly come to Church as
long as the tobacco holds out, and the
Gospel may at last prove too much for the
Second-They W i'll not outrage God and
Sabbath, and annoy those who only wor-
ship one God; and so in fresh air and NOR
ais TOO, the public will be the gamers
Still this is only suggestion.
I expect l am inclining to my dotag e,
and my notions about these things are too
old-fogy for this rapid generation that. think |
they can give us'old men pointers" and |
God as we'll! Guess I must seem such an /
old "stick" to this 'fy" gentry, insisting |
on my out.of-date notions about the sanct |
ity of Gods House and Day! Perhaps these |
smart chaps didn't have the hickory and |
birch rod regimen which taught |
the youth many things 80 years ago. A |
lively memory of more than one such ami |
mated parental interview in the wood-shed,
me in saying that for such per-
formances as those recited by me, would |
have gotten such a hickory humping as
would have cured me forever of all taste
for Sunday smoking in the House of God
You John, why don't you come to din
ner."
That's my wife, Mary Jane, calling, Mr..
Editor, and want to tell you that after
.hird of century's training at her hands
I've just kept on "minding" some as l
lid when I was little shaver" and
minded my ma (she used a slipper and