davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Birmingham age-herald., 1895-03-23
McPhun's Joke.

McPhun entered the club few morn- ings ago, his chin and cheeks plainly showing that he was freshly emancipated from the hands of the barber.
 'Been havin O shave, old man?" asked MoKan lazily.
 "Yes, and had my hair cut too," was the reply. Always have my hair cut when l have a sbave."
 And how often do you get sbavedP was the languid inquiry.
 "Every morning" answered McPhun. And have your hair cut, too, every dayf" said the other.
 Yes"
 Don't you find it rather expensive9" "No; only costs twopence.
 "Wbatp Only twopenoe for shave and hair cuttingf"
 That's all. Barber couldn't shave me without cutting my hair, don't you know?''
 And 1t took poor Mao 71 minutes by the club clock to seo why.-London Tit Bits.
Birmingham age-herald., 1895-03-23

The South African Republic, so-called, has au area oi 113, ,000 miles, the exact size of Arizona.
Birmingham age-herald., 1895-03-23
Eia Gain.

''Mr. Smarte, said the head of the firm. "I happened to overhear your criticisms this morning of the manner in which busi- ness is carried on here. You appear to bo laboring under a mistaken idea. As a matter of fact we are not running this houso to make money. Not at all. We carry on this business simply as a school for the instruction of young men. But as you seem to know so much more about business than we do it would be only wasting your time to keep you here. The cashier will scttlo with you. What is our loss is your gain. '-Boston Transcript.
Birmingham age-herald., 1895-03-23

Merchants lunch at "The Peerless," II a. m. to l p. m.
 fb1su
Birmingham age-herald., 1895-03-23
Riches.

Tho girl strove to be calm.
 Are you very suro," sho asked, "that you lovo me for myself nlone?"
 Darling" he cried, 1T swear it. would love you still, even if the Napoleon fad should explode and those relics of yours become worthless except for junk " She could but believe him.-.Detroit Tribune.
Birmingham age-herald., 1895-03-23
Mothers ;;;';;; ;;; ;'' ;;;;:' :':|' g: g: ';,, i;
Gentlemen, you can have any $7.OO shoe in our store at @3. 50 Saturday. Smith Shoe Company.

st 4sHOME SEEKERS EXCURSION.
 o 2, On March and April the Queen and ; fCiescent route will sell round trip tickets , to ali points in Arkansss and Texas for one
 If1rst-class fare plus g., good twenty days 'tfofreturn. For further information call
 at No. 2005 First avenue, or write to J. R.
 McGregor, passenger agont, Birmingham,
 Ala. 2-20-tf
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
UNDERSTOOD THE TRICK.
An Old Woman Who Didn't Appreciate
the Presidents Greetings.

An Old Woman Who Didn't Appreciate
the Presidents Greetings.
ga short time ago." said Deputy
United States Marshal Harris, san
old rancher up in the mountains of
Lake county grew tired of walking
five miles over the hills to get the
country paper from his mail box, so
he felled big tree across the road
so that the stage would be compelled
to travel longer route that led past
his house A warrant was issued
for his arrest for obstructing the
United States mails, and I went up
to serve it.
Il found the old man sitting on
his back porch smoking his corncob
Pipe, and commenced reading the
.-arrant: The president of the
U-.-cd States sends greeting Just
then the long barrel of q muzzle-
loading rife was showed out of the
kitchen door and aimed at my head.
l saw nervous little gray-haired
woman at the other end of the gun
with her finger On the trigger. 1
could see bright gray eye twinkling
through the buckhorn sight as she
remarked:
You git, an don't you come
snoopin' roun' hyur agin The presi-
dent sent his greetin's onst before
when the OF man cut some timber on
gov'ment land, an it cost him bout
hundred dollars an mighty nigh a
month in Jail. Then he found out that
the president didn't know nuthin'
about it. IF the president wants to
be friendly with the OF man he'll
have TO come right byur without
sendin' no greetin's. Ctr San
Francisco Post.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

truth about it. Republicans go into
back Alleys and behind doors and drink
as much as do democrats and then n.y.
pocritieally howl for prohibition Let
one of their party bolt nomination
and the leaders spring the record on
bin and show that he is a regular
drinker. AS long as he stays in line he
can run for Office, hold Office, talk tenn
perance and keep his hide full of forty
rod. and it is all right morally and Po-
liticaIly with party bosses. There are
as many thirsty republicans as demo
Gratis, the only difference being that
democrat only uses the back door
when the front door is locked.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

Jenny is a beautiful gun, but we
think we have one as good in that
embrasure, " pointing up to the
mamelon. land we would like TO
have fair duel with her." Airey
took up the challenge at once and
everything was arranged for twelve
o'clock noon next day. When the
time arrived all the batteries on
both sides ceased firing. A large
number of officers. French and Eng
ish, were assembled at our lookout
station, behind the twenty-one-gun
battery, to look on.
Our sailors gun detachment
mounted on their parapets and took
off their hats, saluting the Rus
slams. The Russians returned the
compliment. The English gun was
given the first shot as the senior
gun; it struck the side of the Rus
sian embrasure. Then they fired
a very good shot, too. The third
shot from Jenny went clean thr ough
the Russian embrasure and up went
two gabions. The bluejackets jumped
up on their parapet and cheered,
thin king they had beaten their OPP
ponents. Not bit A minute
afterw ard down went the gabions
and out came the Russian gun
again. Several more shots were
fired from both sides. all very good
ones. Jenny got nasty thump but
it did her no harm. At length. I
think the seventh shot from our side,
we saw the Russian gun knocked
clean over. Our fellows cheered vo-
ciferously and the Russians mounted
their parapets and took off their
hats in acknowledgment OF their de-
feat. All the batteries then opened
again. Thus ended the great gun
dnnl
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
BIGGEST SHOW ON EARTH.
Penina's Idea of the First Home of
Her Ancestors.

Penina's Idea of the First Home OF
Her Ancestors.
A young matron OF New York
having strong liking for the sunny
south, imported from "old Virgin
ny" coiored cook named Peninas
who understood the mysteries OF
corn pone and hoe cake, and whose
dishes of terrapin, wild turkey or
venison ragout could not be beaten.
One day Penina's mistress con-
ceived the idea of giving her treat,
and took her to the park to see the
animals ia the zoo" She was de-
lighted with everything she saw,
and standing before the lions cage
asked:
What dat say, honey?" pointing
to the label at the top of the cage:
Lion hab. Africa. y
s'Oh, that says the lion came from
Africa"
ashore 'nuffl And de elfant, whar
he come from?"
''Africa.
''An' de- de hippotmusses, whar
dey come from2"
africa
AN de corkerdiles?"
Africa"
AN de ostriches?"
Africa"
AN de monkeys, an camels, an
giraffs, an cape buffers, an ant
eaters, an big snakes-whar dey
come from?"
"Africa. -
AN de big pink flowers down by
de fountain?"
Eyes, they came from Africa.
Why, Penina, your ancestors come
from Africa, too"
'Shore huff! Shore 'nuffl Dress
your heart, honey pears to me Africa
makes de biggest show on dis yere
yearth, IN. Y. Home Js,.2al.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
Sparrow Not In It.

Prof. Panton states that the re-
suit of careful examination into the
subject has beoa to consider the
birds named in the following list as
benefactors to the farmer, the fruit
grower and the gardener, which
should as far as possible be protect
ed and encouraged to increase in
number:
Kingbird, pewoe, nighthawk, swal-
low, whip-poor- will, American red
start, ycllow-billed cuckoo, blucbird,
white-bellied nuthatch, red headed
woodpecler, high-holder, hairy
woodpecker, downy woodpecler,
golden warbler, red-eyed greenlet,
yellow-throated greenlet, Wilson's
thrush, brown thrush, catbjrd. red
winged blackbird, oriole, meadow
lark, indigo bird, song sparrow,
grass finch. chipping sparrow,
chewink, purple finch, snowbird,
American goldfnch, horned lark,
wren, chicadee, golden-crowned
kinglet. ruby-crowned kiGglet. crow
blackbird and American creeper.-
New Haven Register.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
Irvins's Power.

1t is a tribute to Mr. Irving's
genius that when he acted The
Story of Waterloo the other day so
great was the emotion that men
wept and women tainted. We re-
call the performance of AIr. Irving
during his Grst visit to this country,
when he was playing Charles I.
that thesam thing happened in the
Boston theater. So bitterly did some
women weep that they withdrew to
the dressing-roc of the theater and
had Mysteries all by themselves,
which shows how much genuine
feeling had been excited by that great
and doleful Interpretation of king.
Boston Herald.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
ALERT ITEAISS,

By D'Phe Silent One"
i nice shower last week, but har d
on the grasshuppers.
y number of section hands have
been laid I If for & time
Our elevator men say trade is very
dull Farmers busy sowing wheat.
Andy Campbell came over from.
Hoisiugtop this week during The rain
Phi Leroy mas rented a farm near
the Bend aHd wIll move after the
election
Listen for the merry chimes Of wed
ding bells again next Tuesday Par
ticuiars .ater.
Mr.. Cox, living west of Albert, has
moved to Great Bend His son is
attending school there.
Gus Faber is working for William
wilkinson His smiling face msy be
seen behind the counter.
The republicans held meeting in
the sc..eol house Friday night a
number of speeches we're made
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
oDIN NEWS ITEMS
From "F. J. ~
Gurp-huskiDg is about done.

From "F. J. E"
GOrp-husking is about done.
Well, well, another wedding pretty
soon.
A. Deb took his best girl out rid
ing last Sunday.
Ye correspondent made flying trip
to OImitz last week
Pat Merry is putting up a stone
barn for Nick Boor.
Julius Miller of Cain City was seen
on our streets Sunday last.
Fred Schadel went up to Russell
county to visit an old friend.
Miss Kate Wundsrlich of Olmitz
is here visiting the Suea f,mily,
Joseph X. Smith opened school in
district "a, near Odin, last Monday.
Mr.. Scheppert and wife were over
from near Hollywood visiting With the
Boer family.
A good number of people from this
neighborhood attended the forty hour
devotion Sunday.
Rev. Father Epp Of E,linwood was
up to assist Rev. Emerich during the
forty hour devotien
George and Joe Klein, from ST
Peter and Paul, were out in cur y i'll
lage to visit some ffien is
D. Bose was out from Ellinwood
one day before election setting up the
Injuries to the people of Odin. Well
that's the republican fashion
Fred Beck, whom we ment, ned in
our last items as going to Salina on a
visit, lest one of his best horses from
driving it to- fast. and bad tn buy one
to make the return trip
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
a Sensible Girl.

A young girl came to New York
last winter to study art She was
alone, almost penniless and we'll
nigh friendIess. The one person
that she knew in the big, strange
city was. however, a woman of
means and influence. She was also
a woman of sense. and SO, instead
of simply providing the girl With the
wherewithal to study, she gave her
advice. Earn the money yourself, I"
she said, ''and your success will be
ali the sweeter for having done so. :"
She further recommended domestic
service as the safest and easiest
means of procuring the desired
capital. The girl accepted the adj
vice and obtained place as house
maid with a suburban family. Her
wages were good. she had com
Portable home, her wants were few,
and before long she was saving
money. Next winter she will
enter the art school But how many
young women would have been will
ing to do the same thing2-N. Y.
Sun
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
HoIsINcroN uAPPENINGs

By "Tauglefoot
TINS has been week of examina-
iion in the scaoJis
TIE vote poiied at Hois;ngton was
201, AMI everything going off quietly.
Mss Lizzie iidgen began teae h !
ing li",rlaY At the district north Of
town
Genrge Boiseii had the misfortune
u break his clilarbone last week By
running mo a cioshesline
Halloween was quiet here for the
reason that nearly all the young
people we're at one or The other Of the
parties IN town.
Frank Emley has started on !, Trip
on his wheel through some OF the
larger towns in the eastern part of the
state. He expects to be gone three or
four weeks
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
some Hope

Young man, said the sage. l
hear you are about to be narrieds
You are right, said Inc Young
man.
Well, young man, the day vii
come when your wife VIII make the
discovery that you do not know
everything on earth. 1t viii be
great shock to her feelings and your
supremacy. Still. there is hope for
you. You, while cheerfully admit
ting that you do not know it all. may
be able to persuade her that the
reason Tor that state OF things is
that there IS so much in the world
thatisnot worth knowing. Indian
apoIis Journal.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
Children Cry for
Pitchers GaStOFIa,

EnEEI % Popular Songs, words
THEE and music; Z Complete
Stories, 80 Portraits, 81 Splen did
Games, 100 valuable Money Making
Secrets, 324 jolly Jokes for fan lovers,
225 Selections for Autograph Al
bums, u splendid Games, etc. The
above collection will be sent, postpaid,
absolutely FREE to all who send Zoe.
IN silver for my French Cream Taffy
and Popcorn Ball recipes. Address,
G. G. Relhemeyer, Publisher, Oketo.
Kan. So
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

The Scientific American has made a
series of experiments with the following
result. One bushel of corn will pro-
duce Io4 pounds of pork; fifty pounds
of corn feed ground aud raw makes I 5
pounds of pork; fifty pounds of c6rn
feed ground and fermented makes 7
pounds of pork. fifty pounds of corn
fed cooked and fermented makes 20
pounds of pork. From this our farm
ers can see whether it is better 10 sell
corn or pork, and what method Of feed
ing gives the best results.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
SEWARD AND VICINITY.

By '.B euIah."
Mr.. Cook Of ST. JOIN was in Saw
ard Monday.
Miss Gusia Beers was shopping in
the Bend Saturday.
john Miller and wife have fin e
boy at their house. 1t is their first
W A. Tran barger ent t, Abbey
vile Tuesday, returning Wednesday,
William Hoffmaster Of Barton
county was in Douglas township last
Wednesday
Mr. and Mrs Adams, who reside
near Seward, were shopping in Great
Bend Saturday.
Miss Lillian Bell, who teaches
school near Sc ward, was e.. lat
Beud Saturday,
Frank Miller aud Miss Stromer
were married Sunday and are keering
house ike Old folss.
The wheat in this vicinity is coming
up nicely. Most every farm has from
one to three hundred acres.
Mesdames Swartz and Gaunder of
St John were visiting the family of
j. z. Medicinal Saturday,
Andrew Andanson's molasses house,
engiue aud several hundred gallons of
mollases was destroyed by fire Tues
day Tue damage is supposed to be
about So. 600
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
ARTIFICIAL PERFUMES.
Most of the Natural Odors Can Be
initiated.

Most of the Natural Odors Can Be
initiated.
The natural perfumes are nearly
all of vegetable origin, derived from
flowers and fruits, musk being the
only animal perfume of Importance.
The odors Of fruits, however, have
been long initiated with the aide
hydes and others of fatty acids.
Mixtures of these give the odors of
Strawberries. raspberries, apples,
pears, etc The aroma of rum and
cognac and the bouquet of wines are
produced artifcially. Of substances
more especially intended as perfumes
are methyl-salicylic ether, initiating
the odor of wintergreen, and nitro
benzene: giving the odor of oil of
bitter almonds. Vanillin, first OBJ
tanned in 1874 from product Of con-
ferrous trees, and now extensively
manufactured from other products
by number of processes, initiates
the odoriferous principle of the
vanilla bean. Spirits of turpentine
yield @ perfume known as lily of the
valley or lilac The most recent
discoveries are methods of producing
the perfume of musk and that of the
violet, the former dating back to
1889 and the latter having been
announced last year.-N. Y. Ledger.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
Breakfast First.

1t is not good plan to do much
of anything in the morning before
eating breakfast, or at any rate
drinking cup of coffee One is not
in condition to work without detri-
ment to the general health, and not
long ago a doctor advised q friend
not even to read before eating her
first meal; he said that it was bad
for the eyes.-Philadelphia Press.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

The editor of the Wichita Eagle, in
recent issue, threatened TO publish
the names of the hypocritical prohibit
ton fanatics in that town who take
drink on the sly and pose as great and
shining lights in the cause of temper
ance. This threat is only remarkable
in that it eminates from a leading re-
publican paper. Any democratic paper
in any community in Kansas could pub
lish such list of hypocritss. There
is difference between the democratic
and republican parties on The question
of temperance. Ii is the ssaehing of
democracy that you should IS lem per
ate III all things-even d sa1zpaign
lying. Democrats believe thsEz IS more
harm in drinking and lying sbset it.
than to take plain drink and tell the
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

THERE was once a time when Lakin
township was safely democratic; but
it appears that the lovely prohibition
law the republican party has saddled
on Kansas and defended and upheld for
many years has weaned the democrats
over to that party. Some day there
will possibly be an opportunity to prove
how much they realty love their new
consorts.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
a Law-Abiding Girl.

Mrs. Mcbride (entering the
kifehen)-Bridget. didn't I see that
policeman kiss you2
Bridkel-Weil, mum. sure an yez
wouldR't bev ne lay mesilf open TO
artist for resistin' an officer, mum
-Harper's Bazaar.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

THE challenge from Coxey to Camp
bell for joint debate looked like an in
vention of the enemy to waste valuable
democratic time.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

FRED MILLER was entitled to re-
election, and would have got it if it had
not beenfor the treachery and falseness
of men he supposed to be friends.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
Breaks All Records.

4 French conscript. has broken
the record by claiming exemption on
the ground that he is, al the age of
twenty, the father of four living
children.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

A JUDGE in eastern Kansas has ruled
that beer is not intoxicating. This
comes from elevating to the bench men
who have had comparatively little prac-
tice at the bar.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

IT is said that Colonel Breckenridge
threatens to break out again with
series of financial speeches. We sug-
gest that the best financial speech he
could make would be this: MISS Pol
lard, here is that SIS, 900 1 owe you. "
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

A MAN running. for Office on the pop
ulist ticket who tries to get democratic
votes by saying he was still democrat
was a spectacle of the cowardiy. sneak
ing liar.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

THE falling off in population last
year in Kansas is easily accounted for.
The anti prohibitionists attribute il to
prohibition and the prohibitionists
blame it to the joints.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

AT exchange says that ''science is
about to show us the exact shape of
the earth.'' We don't care very much
about that, but we wish scieoce would
show us how to get our share of it.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

ANDY GEL can be proud of his vote
for clerk, considering the fact that he
did not seek the nomination or the eiec-
ton and the further fact that both
Mr.. Davis and Mr.. Fits made a
thorough canvass of the entire county
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

THE need of fast colors for bloon,ers
is made more apparent by the report
that we are to have women bicycle
races.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

FRANCE has 500 senator's. while this
country has but lightweight. This
may go far toward explaining why the
French government has on an average
something more than three times as
much trouble as that of the. United
States
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

GEORGE VALERIUs made a noble
fight. His defeat was defeat of the
people and victory for the politicians.
We are proud of the honest blacksmith.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

The faith cure will lose its power if
the believers in it are ever attacked by
an epidemic of common sense.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
BY WEIGH BROTHERS.

HENRY KLEIN did not win because he
was an Ellinwood manrnot by long
shot.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
THE GREAT GUN DUEL.
a Little Incident of the Crimesn
War

War
While the flag of truce was flying
a Russian officer of artillery went
up to ask Sir Richard Airey if Gen.
Dacres, commanding the English
artillery, was on the ground, says
the author of the ''Crimean War
from First to Last. On Sir Rich
ard answering in the negative the
officer said: Your sixty-eight-
FOUNDER gun that your people call
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

THE democrats. got one again this
year, but the populists did not even gel
the fuse this year. Now listen to the
deacon and his few intimates howl.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07
BY the Judge.

81 hear you were complainant in
court last week. What was the
trouble?"
'Daubem split paint over my
trousers and / wanted to collect
damages.
did you win?"
''No, the case was thrown out of
court. The judge said he didn't see
how could make a suit out of pair
of pants. IN. Y. Recorder.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

Hornheck has onions. the finest
you ever saw, at zoe. per bnshei.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

Hornbeck, at the old Beye stand
has the best grades of apples and sells
at the lowest market prices. See him
before buying Also fresh CIDER and
cider vinegar always on hand.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-11-07

". III Gage contractor and builder,
in the Hume block is prepared to do
anything in the line Of general car
pentering and solicits public patron
age.