Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-03-16
WORK OF THE WITS.
Foul play-A cock-fght.
NEVER on time sales for cash

NEVER on time sales for cash.
TELL me not in mournful numbers,
1 Life is but an empty dream.
| While the maid of forty summers
| Keeps her passion for ice-creamI
, FARMING is one of the best occupa-
tons for young man. Even cabbage
culture will enable struggling youth
to get head.
IT is said that the thieves of the
country are about to organize a Steal
Trust. Of course the motto will be
Honor Among Thieves"
CALLER Cat hoteD-I cannot find
! Col. Kaintuck. Clerk-Isn't he in the
ba1room? Caller-No. Clerk-My
My! Inquire at the morgue.
A WESTERN physician named Pills
bury asked the Legislature to change
his name to one less suggestive of his
profession. How would Pilgrave do?
"DID you divide your bon bons with
your little brother, Mollie?" eyes,
mamma; ate the candy and gave him
the notices. You know he is awfully
fond of reading"
Mrs. MAGNUs Il think travel
broadens one; don't you think so, Mrs.
Lofty? Mrs. Lofty-O, la! yes. Why,
[ gained ten or fifteen pounds every
time [ go to Yurrup.
well, doctor, how did you enjoy
your African journey? How did you
like the savages?" ?" "Oh, they are very
kind-hearted people; they wanted to
keep me there for dinner.
SMITH Those were miserably small
potatoes you sent up. You told me
fhot OP 4hoyo
pound. Brownies, but didn't say
how many it would require to weigh
pound.
QUILLPEN-I see that there has been
noteworthy improvement in the
Southern press during the past year.
Scribbler-How so? Quill pen-One
hundred and nine journals have sus-
pended publication. Burlington Free
Press.
II WISH I was letter-carrier, said
little boy who was struggling with his
a, b, c's. "Why SOP" asked his father.
So that might carry the letters of the
was the reply. "No use
carrying them if you couldn't deliver
them, said the fond parent.
BENEVOLENT Individual sir;
hold that when a man makes little ex-
ira money his first duty is to make his
wife a present of a handsome dress.
Stranger-You are social philosopher,
L presume? "No, sir; [ am a dry
goods merchant"
TELL you, but work is scarce in
this town" said red-nosed man to an
of whom he solicited 10 |
cents. 81 was down at Fogarty's sa-
loon all day yesterday looking for work,
and not soul came around offering to |
give me a job. If times don't get bet |
ter TIL have to send my family to the
poor-house"
MISS MoNEYBAGs- Malcom, a suspi-
cion turks within me that you don't love |
me, but want to marry me only for my
money. Malcom-You are so silly.
Don't you know I'm a member of the |
Amateur Athletic Union? Miss Money
bags-Well, what has that to do with
it? Malcom-A great deal It bars me
from taking part in any event for
money.
The little boy had come in with his
clothes torn, his hair full of dust and
MS face bearing unmistakable marks of
4 severe conflict. "Oh, Willie, Willie !"
his mother, deeply shocked
and grieved, you have disobeyed me
again. How often have I told you not
20 play with that wicked Brooklyn
ooy?" Mamma" /" said Willie, washing
,he blood from his nose, "do I look as
had been playing with anybody?"
Mr.. WABAsH-You say you love me
md respect me, and still you refuse to
De my wife. We might try it for a
While, don't you think? Miss Lake
Wabash, I have registered a
-ow not to marry for three years. Mr.
was not asking you to marry
or so long time as that, Miss Lake
ide. Here in Chicago year is gen
rally considered the fashionable limit.
IT IS REPORTED so.
he lies all day in June's sweet air,
Beneath her cloudless skies,
The pretty speckled trout to snare,
And then goes home and lies.
OF course he failed to land them all;
OF this he makes the most,
And those he caught were very small
Compared with those he lost.
Boston Courier.