The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1895-09-04

CHIPP-"What is living picture.
father9" Block-"A living picture,
my son, is one that ought to die, but
doesn't"
"THAT man causes me no end of
annoyance over a bill" "Why don't
you sue him and collect it?" "Collect
it? He's trying to do that"
Chow vast is the ocean," she ex-
claimed, with real poetic fervor. eyes,"
drawled her rural cousin. "I've hearn
tell 1t goes clean out o. sight O. landl"
PHYSICIAN" And you have felt this
way for several days2 HIN! Let me
see your tongue" Patient" no
use, doctor; no tongue can tell how 1
suffer-"
BAGLEY-"There goes man whose
hair turned perfectly white in a single
month" Tagley - "Some great sor-
row." Bagley-"Nop. He stopped
dyeing."
"a FIT husband for my daughterl
| Why, in the first place, she is half
head taller than you" "Well, sir, l
don't expect to be 80 short after l am
married."
TEACHER :" Now, girls, you all
know what liquid measure is. Little
Alice may tell me what measure treats
of inches, feet and yards" Little Alice
-" Tape measure, teacher"
TEACHER" There is distinction
between a sinner and criminal. If
you told story you would be sinner.
But suppose you stole big box of
chocolate, then what would you be?"
Boy" Sick for week."
81 WISH you would be frank with
me, Miss Hilltop" said young Mr.. Biz
mingham, who was urging his suit.
Couldn't, reallyl" replied the girl.
"That would be too familiar. You
may call me Frances, though"
JONES asked his wife-"Why is a
husband like dough?" He expected
she would give it up, and was going to
tell her it was "because woman needs
him." but she said it was because he
was "hard to get off her hands,"
AT a pawnbroker's "I'll take that
pair ofigold earrings you have in the
window marked four-and-six. And
would you pierce my ears for me?"
Certainly, ma'am. William, bring me
those bagpipes out of the back shop"
"WHY did she marry Fiddleback?"
" Because she was in love with another
man, and the man was in love with an
other girl, and the girl was in love with
Fiddleback. 1t was the only way she
could get even with the other girl, you
seel"
EMPLOYER" William, Mrs. Sprig-
| gins complains that she received only
one of all the bundles she had put up
here last night" William-"That's
funny, sir; l wrote Mrs. Spriggins ,
on one bundle and put ditto on each
of the Others"
MAMMA, why can't l have all the
coffee l want?" "Because it isn't good
for you, Willie" "Does the Lord
know it isn't good for me?" 81 have
no doubt he does" (After thought
full pause)-" Then what does he make
it taste 80 good for?"
MILE" If you were in love with
two men and didn't know which one TO
choose, what would you do?" Title
"Put them to test" Mile" A duel?n
Title" Nothing 30 absurd. Walk
them both by an ice-cream parlor, and
see which one turns palest."
~ THINK l ought to stay away from
school to-day" said Robert. 7" Why
so, Robbie?" asked his father. "You
are not i'll, are your" "No, poppy;
but dreamed l was in school answer
ing questions all night, and think I've
had enough for one day." said Robert.
LITTLE JACK prays every night for
all the different members of the family.
His father had been away at one time
for short journey, and that night Jack
was praying for him. Bless papa and
take care of him." he was beginning,
as usual, when suddenly he raised his
head and listened. "Never mind about
it now, Lord" ended the little fellow,
81 hear him down in the hall"
81 ONCE read" began the boarder
near the foot of the table, helplessly
laying down his knife and fork and
gloomily eying the fragment of meat
on his plate, "of a man who took
his own life, and under the English
law they drove steak through his
heart" "That was tough" muir.
INJURED the boarder with the hollow
cough. Then they noticed the glitter
in the landlady's eye, aud the meal pro,
| naadad in ailenca