Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-08-29

Washington Star.
He-The lamp is going out. She
Yes, it hasn't been filed since you
came.-Life.
'"There goes man that keeps his
word" ''He does?'' Eyes; no one else
will take it. ''-Philadelphia Press
He-You can't impose upon me: there
are no fools in our family. She-Sir
you forget yourself.-New York Her
aid.
Sapphira-Truth is stranger than fic-
ton. Ananias-Yes, but that is be-
cause we meet truth SO rarely.-Brook-
Ign Eagle.
Candidate-I can't imagine what
caused my defeat Friend-The cleo
ton of your opponent, l should say,
Albany Journal
Johnny-Is it true, pa, that people live
longer in the country than in the city?
Pa-Life seems longer there, my son.
Boston Transcript.
''Yes," papa sighed, ''it costs lot
To clOthe a summer lass;
But when the days are long and hot,
l save heap of gas
New York Recorder.
Edith-What! Mr. Worth asked you
to be his wife? Everybody says he is
a woman hater. Kate-YeS, but l don't
seem to be the woman.-Boston Tran
script.
BERTHE D'Gote-When old Gold-bag
married Flo, why did she say that she
was only "a? Sylvia-Well, you see
she made discount for cash.-Sydney
Bulletin.
People are having the same trouble
they used to have. If their horse got
out of wind they had to walk; now it's
the same with the DISQUALIFICATION
Courier.
Tommy-Paw, what sort Of prices
are fabulous prices? Mr.. Figg-Well,
actors salaries as published in the pa
pers are usually that kind.-Indianap
oils Journal.
The acrobat is paradox,
His life is both high and humble;
He may be unable to see "a joke,
But no one is quicker to tumble.
Boston Budget.
Physician-And you have felt this
way for several days? HIM Let me see
your tongue. Patient-It's no use, doc
tor; no tongue can tell how l suffer-
Boston Transcript.
Bumpus-Say, McSmith, I am ac-
Quainted with the president of this
am acquainted with the porter Of
this train.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Little Dick-Miss Mamie is awfully
shy, isn't she? Little Dot-Why? Lit
tie Dick-She has most Of her clothes
made just like mems, so men won't get
in love with her.-The Sketch.
In gallantry the youth again
Responds to beautys call,
And goes away on picnics when
He'd rather play baseball
Washington Star.
Amateur Artist should like to pre-
sent the last picture painted to some
charitable institution. Now, which
would you recommend? Cruel Lady
Friend-The blind asylum-New York
Journal
ut seems to me-" groaned the suf-
ferer, apostrophizing the reflection Of
his aching tooth in the looking glass,
"that for as small a customer as you
are you have lots of nerve -Chicago
Tribune.
'It seems to me-" said the manager,
hot In hot VI Of Twin tho
money from the chief villain in 6 most
awkward manner" "Mebbe do" ad-
| mitted the actor; cit has been SO long
since / had any chance to rehearse with
| the real stuff. "-Cincinnat Tribune.
| AS they passed an open gateway a
j dog within the enclosure growled and
| bristled up very perceptibly, where
upon Jester remarked: "No doubt about
his being a watchdog" "How can you
tell?'' inquired Quester. "Why," re-
| turned Jester, didn't you see the hair
spring Richmond Dispatch.
This budding craze for bicycles
The whole broad country feels;
And soon the horse thief way out
West
Will take to stealing wheels.
Record.
]. Johnny-But my teacher says so, and
1 guess he. knows. Uncle Reuben-I
don't know about that. A man what's
all the time giyin' away knowledge to
other people can't have much left for
himself ia rather trust to man who
isn't all the time partin with what he
kpows-BOSton Transcript.