The Penn's Grove record., 1895-11-22

---~
IDn chilly days the maiden grieves 2
u Though dressed in garments newt
The can't display her silk waist
sleeves
And heavy Jackets, too. =.
"He said l was his llfe's sunshine.
! IN guess you will find that all moon
y ihine."-Boston Courier.
Professor, how does the hair-cu
pitt your" "The hair Is altogether too
; lhort-a little longer, please."-Fiie'
sende Blaetter.
"What would you do. miss. II I should
lttempt to give you a kiss2" Il should
ertainly set my face against 1t, Sir
Richmond Dispatch.
Tell me. guide, why SO few people
tscend that magnificent mountain"
iBecause no one has ever fallen off It,
~LFllegende Blaetter.
at may be weakness" said the dying
litor, "but / can't help but feel CRATE
III to this town" what for?" For
fe enough to leave it."-Atlanta Con-
Iitutlon.
THAT whisky is fifteen years old. I
now 1t because I've had 1t that long
Myself" The Colonel-By Jove! sir,
tou must be a man of phenomenal self
IontroL.-Life.
Now that we are married, Penelope,
ind have nothing TO conceal from each
,ther. how" "I'm 20, George. How
much did you give the preacher?'-
chicago Tribune.
Tommy-Paw, why is 1t the good die
toung? MI. Figgs-They don't die
Toung because they are good, but they
ltay good because they die young.-1n-
Annapolis Journal.
He (waxlng serious)-Do you believe
b the truth of the saying, MAN pro-
poses; God ~dispOses?" She (archly)-
1t depends upon whom man proposes
p.-Brooklyn Life.
Jpn, Peary, please now settle down.
While you with life are blest;
And give yourself, the world at large,
And poor north pole a rest.
l-Boston Courier.
Slobbs-Jenktns told me Miss Bea-
lonstreet was an old flame of yours.
lGlobbs-An old fame? Impossiblel
lfWhy impossible?' "She's from Bos-
bn."-Philadelphia Record.
"Oh, boy, I'll give you a dollar to
latch my canary bird" Hes just
taught, ma'am." "Where-where is
lhe precious petT' "Black cat up the
loads got 'im."-Chicago Record.
81 reckon" said Mrs. Corntossel.
tthat these politicians says a good
many things they're sorry for" yes"
l,eplied her husband, IAN a good many
lnore tibet they orter be."-Washington
Istar.
"It's a cold day when ! get left" said
the pawn broker, as he hung up the
IfGO overcoat on which he had advanced
ia. Its the other way with me-" aptly
remarked the overcoat.-New York
Herald.
do you think" he asked, that your
father would consider my suit favor
llblyT" Really, Herbert" the mer-
shant's daughter replied, II couldn't
jsay. Did you buy it at his store ~
Washington Star.
Oh, Legislators, while you strive
To remedy our Ills.
II you would keep us all alive,
ma 49, Jz1I.. 1tu-t
-Atlanta Constitution. ~
"Did you like the matInee?" said
iabel to Blanche. "No. | couldn't
lee the stage" Your seat was well
howard the front, wasn't it," ayes;
but a football player sat directly In
lsront Of me."-Judge.
A.-"When I see you I always think
lie the proverb: TO whom God gives
In office, to him he gives understand
Ing" B.-"But I have no officer A
lkWell, don't you see how that fits ?"-
tIiegende Blaetter.
Husband-"I have made all sorts Of
ibacri6ces for you. Now, what did you
liver give up for meY Wife-"What
Hid / ever give up for your Well, /
~Ibeverl Why, l gave up ~half-a-dozen
lie the incest young men In town.
New York Weekly.
Years ago." said Mr.. Barnes former,
lhe eminent tragedian, Il started u
lo be the architect of my own fortunes,
but In the school of experience 1 have
learned that q successful architect
ought to be able to draw good houses"
Indianapolis Journal.
The black-bearded pirate, with a
tnife between his teeth, boarded the
passenger ship. Throw up your
iands" he shouted. The passenger
hanging over the rail smiled feebly.
III think ! did. not less than an hour
l,go," he said, gaspingly Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Are all these young men anxious to
become surgeons" asked the visitor.
They are" replied the lecturer upon
urgery. -'.But how can SO many ex-
ect to make a livingi" Easily. sir;
asily," answered the lecturer. .Think
( the effect Of the present bicycle
raze."-Chicago Evening Post.
In reply to the cry for assistance, the
Professor said: "If l could help you. I
ouldn't help helping You. 1t Is because
cannot help you that l cannot help
efusing to help you." And the men.
I~llcant darted around the corner, with
Terror in his eyes and cries of "Helpv'
h his mouth-Boston Transcript