Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-08-28
HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE.
He Was a Trifle Bashful and Didn't Know
the Ways.


1t was self evident fact that I was rat
tied. Any one would have been.
When my landlady escorted mo to the
dining room and introduced me to her
household collectively and then left me
standing there like an ossified idiot, with
out even deigning to show me o seat, it
both angered and ratified me.
succeeded in concealing my i'll temper,
but the fact that was ratified became
painfully patent.
sat down in the first vacant seat and
tried to look as if was in the bosom of
my family.
The man opposite sympathetically pre-
scribed the electrical treatment for facial
paralysis. Upon thinking this over calmly
am forced to believe that he was attempt
ing to guy me.
Then line of servants charged upon
me. Dishes were presented on both sides,
and the boy handed the butter from tho
opposite side Of the table. The dish on the
left contained onions. I loathe onions.
That OH the right was an unknown guam
tity. 1t looked like strawberry shortcake
and smelled like ham. l was driven to the
butter.
The butter dish had handle that re-
sembled miniature Arc dc Triomphe. In
addition to this the bottom moved around
like the perforated interior of a soap dish.
I gracefully inserted the butter knife
under the Arc de Triomphe and tried to
slice off piece of the composition. Then
most mysterious thing occurred-thc in
ner dish turned as if on an invisible axis
and gracefully dumped the butter into my
neighbours lap.
He remarked, "--!" and hurriedly
left the room.
This did not add to my composure
suddenly became conscious Of pres
ence in the room. The landlady had re-
turned and was stonily regarding the re-
mains of the butter.
1t was hot day, and feared that dur
ing my struggles might have wilted my
collar. need not have feared-the atmos-
phere around me had become chilly and
remained so.
grew more ratified. put q spoonful
Of sugar in my glass Of water. I inadvert-
emily appropriated my left hand neighbours
piece of bread which he had laid down be-
sido his plate. This angered him. He
made an uncomplimentary remark about
my cheek felt that was blushing vio-
lently.
I rubbed my plate the wrong way with
my knife, and it 'squiggled." Every one
looked at me. My tongue began to thickcn
and my head to swim. A hand touched
me on the shoulder, and q voice said:
Beg pardon, but you are occupying my
seat"
In desperation pushed back my chair,
partially overturning my right hand neigh
bor-arose-collided with waitress
causing her to invert a dish of onions on
maidens lady's corkscrew curled head
and rushed to the door followed by several
rather nasty remarks.
have sworn off on boarding houses
William James Coffin in Life.
"That pair of horses is all right, Z" as
serted the man in plaid trousers positively.
"Sound and kind?" the innocent pur-
chaser continued, pursuing his critical ex-
animation.
"Sure.''
"And fast9"
east Those horses will show you
$3.50 clip any day"
So the innocent purchaser bought them,
but the next morning he was back again,
his hair curling in indignation.
"Fastr' he shrieked. "Did you not say
they were fast?'
The man in plaid trousers bowed.
"Two-thirty horses think you said9"
cried the innocent purchaser sarcastically.
The man in plaid trousers bowed again.
"Why, man." yelled the innocent pur-
chaser, II can't got EN- a mile In less than
five minutesP'
"Well, amt that $3.50 apiece?" rctorted
the man in plaid trousers, his wrath blaz-
ing. "What you yowling round here
about?"
Then the innocent purchaser came to
himself and got off the promises. He real
lied that If he fell down there in fit the
horse man would charge him hospital
rates.-Now York Recorder.