The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-09-23
FROM MANY SOURCES.

aAG- (uGS0-- I CS1 60e 0CA " eAAN - ~
spunky as it was yesterday. Bring me
some with no sand in it.-Boston Tran
script
ssMr. Speaker, , exclaimed q member Of
the New South Wales parliament, my
colleague taunts me with a desire for
fame. scorn the imputation, sir. Fame,
sirl What is falneY It is shaved pig
with a creased tail which slips through
the hands of thousands and then is acci-
dentally caught by some lucky fellow who
happens to hold on to it. let the greasy
tailed quadruped go by me without an
effort to clutch it, sir.''-Tit-Bits
Mrs. Fashion-I've picked out hus-
band for you, daughter. Miss Fashion
Very well, but I want to say right here,
mother, when it comes to buying the we'd
ding dress I'm going to select the material
xayself.-Truth.
Teacher-When did the 80 years war
commence2 Pupil don't know, sir, but
if you tell me when it left of can reckon
Fliegende Blatter-
Hiland-I can't understand it. never
knew it co occur before. Halket-What
is the trouble? 'sYoung Van Braam came
in today and paid me the $40 he borrowed
q week ago. 1.-THE explanation is easy.
He has to raise $50 the day after tolnor-
row. ''-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Old Mercator Ito little Billy Ducks, Just
left school, who applies for situation as
office boy and produces testimonial from
clergyman)- don't want You on Sum
days, my good little boy. Have you a ref
erence from any one who knows you on
week days?-Sydney Bulletin
Two men met on Main street yesterday
when the following conversation ensued:
"Well, Jim, where have We been latelys
Shure, I haven t seen ye in some time"
ooh, begorra, I've been down to Block
island fer a week. And I say, Tom. did
ye ever see the ocean? Oh, it's fnel"
'tDid ever see the ocean? How in thun-
der do We suppose l came across from Ire
land? Do you think took trolley carS''
Hartford Post
Jack Poore ito Miss Cash)-Wi1 you
marry me. maiden fair? Miss Cash-I'm
very sorry, but my income is only suffi-
cient for my own support.-Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph
First Wisp Fiend at Hotel-He's a
mean cuss. Didn't give me AGENT. Second
Wisp Fiend-That fool 1 was brushin give
me quarter. Boston Transcript.
Editors Wife-Who wrote this beautiful
article on '-How to Manage a Wife?''
Editor Young QuiIIer. Editors Wife
Why, I didn't know he was married
Editor-He isn't.-Philadelph Post
81 have just captured slot machine
maker down on the beach, y said the servi-
tor. 'sWe'n have him served broiled
alive,' said the king of Mbwpka gri1nly.
'tHe and his kind have been responsible
for a falling off of more than so per cent
in the missionary contributions. In
dianapoIis Journal
Van Jay-Miss Meeks called me fool.
Do look like a fool? Millicent-No, you
do not. don't think she judged you By
your looks.-Brooklyn Eagle
Nell-What was Mrs Newlywed' s maid
en- name? Belle-Her maiden aim was to
get married philadelphia Record.
He-Please shut down that window. I
have a cold. Shell have headache.
He-How selfish of you to prefer your
headache to my cold.-Boston Transcript
Mr.. Snaggs did not go to church on
Sunday morning, but Mrs. Snaggs and
little Sammy went. At the dinner taUle
Mr.. Snaggs asked, Sammy, what was
the text?'' ''Thou shalt not muzzIe the OK
that treadeth on thy corns, - replied Sam
my promptly .-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
Great Swell Ito beggar to whom he has
given small coin)-Now, my good man,
what will you do with the moDey?'' Well,
I 'ardly know guy nor, whether to buy
Wot do you adviseY'-London Chips.
''What luck did you have f1shing9'' asked
the man who had no vacation though, -
groaned the lazy man. 1.-THE fish bit SO
fast that 1 had no chance to enjoy myself
at all. indianapolis Journal.
There were several young ladies in the
car returning from the mountains. When
the train stopped at Newburyport, one Of
them exclaimed: Oh, girls, look at the
menl This begins to look like civilization
again. Boston Transcripts.
Dobson-One thing like about Lite
waite is that he always stands up for his
friends. Hobson-Good fellow to meet in
a crowded railway carriage, Ell Pear
sons Weekly.
Candidate-I can't imagine what caused
my defeat Friend-The election of your
opponent, should say.-Albany Journal.
''Do you boil your drinking water2'i said
one Pittsburger to another. mo, - was
the reply. 1--WE grind it and then fry it. -
--Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.