The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-08-11
MONOLoGUEs.
BY JOHN M'sAUeHT.


| When Emerson divided mankind into two
classes-those who do something and those
who find fault because il was not done in some
other wayne overlooked decent minority OF
people who are neither actors nor fault-hnderS,
but who being too indolent for the one are TOO
good-natured or too wise for the other. The MEM
bers OF this minority regard the world as a
| theater in which life is q drama enacted for
| their entertainment, and not having any great
admiration for the play they do not exact too
much from the actors Indeed they demand
nothing more than that people shall act CIV
ing full praise of course to any glittering hero
who radiantly walks the tight rope of success
| full accomplishment but not neglecting to
indulge also a smile of good pleasure when
| some clown not venturing upon difficult
task contents himself with the easy job of roll
| ing off log. Such people may of course be
| accused of Indifference to the woe or the veal
OF the world. Certainly they are not reform
ers. neither are they defenders of the existing
| order of things. All they ask of the rest Of
! mankind is that something shall be done to
keep the drama moving. When the play goes
briskly on the serenity of their enjoyment is
disturbed only by the noise of that gang of
fault-hnders who are forever trying to spoil
sport by insisting that some other sport would
be better, or at any rate that the sport in hand
would be more amusing if played by different
performers or treated in different style.
There are a considerable number of people
who can be satisfied under any circumstances,
but not many who can give reasons for being
satisfied. For the first there is required only
readiness to accept the world as it comes, but
for the second one must be philosopher and
have nimble intellect. good example of
this high faculty of reasoning is found in the
recent argument of a New York scribe to prove
ait int
than in the country. He says the light, faint,
delicate breezes of summer when turned loose
in the great, wide spaces of the country soon
become SO scattered that they are lost in the
fields and nobody gets the benefit of them.
The same little zephyrs when they come to
town are concentrated in the streets and grow
to be brisk breezes even in the uptown dis
tricts, that by the time they reach those dis
tricts where the skyscraper buildings are, and
enter what the philosopher calls the down.
town canyons, they blow as braeing winds that
purify the atmosphere, invigorate the system
and give happiness to man. That no dweller
in New York has ever felt the rush of these
summer breeZes cuts no figure in the case. The
essential point is that the reasoning is good,
and if any one finds fault the burden is on him
to show better reasons on the other side. With
this proof that man can find comfort in New
York at midsummer by a rational process of
Francisco we ought to be able to find not
merely comfort, but bliss, without going to the
trouble to be rational.
There are circumstances of course under
which even ratiocination fails to give comfort
and joy. Consider the case of John James In
gals. That eminent statesman out of job
bought farm on the Missouri River some fif-
teen years ago, but for the last seven years had
not visited the property. A short time ago
having desire for ready money, and having
found buyer willing to take the land at
good price, he set forth to show it to him; ex-
patiating along the way upon the fertility of
the soil, the beauty of the site, the healthful-
ness OF the climate and the thousand charms
of farming on the banks of the broad Missouri.
When he reached the place, however, the farm
was not there. 1t had been washed into the
river five years ago, and all that time ingalls,
has been paying taxes on it. Here is case at
which even reason staggers, for it is hard to
understand why good farm should be washed
away from Kansas to make another swamp in
Louisiana. Doubtless amid the infinite posi-
bllities of the universe there may be some mys
terious harmony between a statesman washed
away in a tidal wave, and farm washed
away in a freshet, but if so the harmony is too
deep for words; and moreover ingalls, having
paid taxes in Kansas that he can never hope to
recover has now to face the possibility that
when it is learned that his land is in Louisiana
he may be called upon to pay taxes down
there.
The enjoyment of life for persons OF good
taste is marred not so much by any i'll condi-
tions in things themselves as by the ceaseless
chatter of the critics around them. These
fault-fnders have become so common in life
and are of such small ma tures that it is perhaps
permissible to call them vermin. They annoy.
In the free and easy circus of the world, where
it is good and gay to eat peanuts, they are
forever telling US that such is not good form at
the opera. 1t might be presumed from their
talk that they are always in full dress, prepared
for Patti nights, with ducal receptions there
after. Were this so there might be some pleas
ure in the contemplation of them, for when
mans talk is silly there is often some recon-
pense in noting the excellence of his tailor.
The critic, however, is nearly always as shabby
IN his clothes as in his conscience Incapable
of seeing beauty, they are equally incapable of
looking pretty. Abominable at all times they
are particularly SO at this period, since they
have acquired habit OF uttering their criti-
cisms in q style of contorted English which
they are pleased to call ep1grammatic. Thus we
bear the double annoyance of having all the
little defects of the things we delight in pointed
out in style that distorts and muddies our
graceful and lucid language. Moreover, as
evil communications corrupt good manners,
we unconsciously take tumble to the habit
end epigrams abound. They pepper us in the
parlors. they are mustered in the press, they
sauce us everywhere, and one must look for
good English amid the photographed jingles
of the dialect stories.
Sometimes the critics of good mems actions
resort to action themselves as well as to cpl
grams. Here is a recent case in point. A rev.
erend gentleman who had been making
vigorous crusade against the 'tjointists," as the
keepers of Illicit saloons in Kansas are called,
and who had succeeded in arousing great
deal of public indignation against them, re-
turned home one day to find that his horse
had been stolen. On the stable-door was a note
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