davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

Gov. Mckinley is highly pleased
at the success of the national repub-
1icaa league In keeping mum on the
silver question. Keeping mum on the
silver question is phase of ''McKin-
leyism,' which the governor is natural
ly gratified to see prevaii.-Louisville
.Eourier-Journal.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

''EBEN de wukman dat tuhns out er no.
job said Uncle Eben, lam heap mo- re-
spectacle dan dc man dat doan' do nuf1in'
but look on an make remarks. ''-Nashing-
ton Star
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

s'So@TuE insolent fellow refused to pay his
rent" He did not say so in words, but he
iutimated it Chow so!'' '.He kicked me
downstairs. Figaro
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

HEADING HIM OFF.-Jaspar-"Ch Children
often say very funny things" Jumpuppe-
carbohydrates; but never funny enough
to be repeated. PUCK.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

THE UNvARNISuED FACr-He-"Arctio
explorers are the safest men in the world To
trust yourself to- She-''Why sol'7 He
-(with a haw-haw)-''They are always cool
in the time of greatest ger.''-Detroit
Free Press.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

IFyou try t find out what women dey do
or don'tdo tings for, you're worse off ycur
base dan before See2 De best way is u
take 'em as you find 'em, and try MOTTO so
crazy linking bout it. OATS right-ChiIn-
mic Fadden
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

IHAvE found Piso's Cure for Consump-
tion an unfaiiing medicine.-F. Il. LORI,
1905 Scott ST., Covington, Ky, Oct. 1, 1894.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04
Halls Catarrh Cure
Is Constitutional Cure. Price T5c.

cake! Why, it's as hard as stone" Cook
Yes, mum. that's the way a sponge is be-
fore it is wet. Soak it in your tea. "-Truth.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

CUsToMER-''I like that umbrella stand,
but don t think 1t is worth three dollars y
SalesmaR-s'Why, madam, the very first
umbrella that is left in il mEy be worth
more than that. PUCK.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

HE-''Ive been watching for a chance to
kiss YOU for the last ten minutes" She
''You must be near-sighted Life.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

MORE COMFORTABLE HERE.-'sSatan keeps
himself busy in this world" ''Wen. you
don't blame him for staying away from
home, DO youI'-Life.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

An Indiana jury recently returned a YER
dict of ''Blode to pieces b y biler busting. -
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

A THOUGHT embodied and embrained in fit
words walks the earth a living being
Whipple.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

IF the balloon sleeve is to be part of the
surf costume this sum mer the ocean will
have to be enlarged. American.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

Coon is positive. All evil is so much
death or nonenity.-Emerson.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

GLESN's Sulphur Soap is a genuine rem
edy for Skin Diseases.
HIPS Hair and Whisl1er Dye, SO cents.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

A LITTLE girl being asked who was the
greatest man in the country hesitated a
minute and then falteringly replied: Great
Scott. Schenectady Union
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

UNLESS man is first rich on the inside.
no amount of money can give him wealth.
RAMS Horn
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1895-07-04

A. N. KID 1859
WHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS PLEASE
state that you the AdyeFtISe1>zt in thia
oa3ex.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
The Talueless Title.

What n bally lot of idiots foreigners
must think we are, for the way In which
we jump at anything bearing title which
they may send over herel A fellow has
only TO announce himself prince. a count
or "A baron, and we rush heller SHELTER TO
ask him TO dinner, present him TO our
women and make 1t possible for him TO
marry our daughters True, he may be
prince in Russia. where that title increases
and multiplics ut a dreadful rate, or
baron in Germany. where barons are a.
plentiful as peanuts in Georgia, or a count
In Italy, where counts are all over the
place; nobody stops toquestion the quality
of the title; the mere fact of title at all
is enough. 1t is TO bc hoped that presently
we shall learn that gentlemen with titles
are very like gentlemen with none-they
vary in quality and degree Of merit, and
the title has not one atom of saving grace.
Philadelphia Times.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
laundering For Crow.

The first great discovery l made Is that
mushrooms are the most digestible article
of diet known, being disposed of by the
average human digestive apparatus in
hour and 20 minutes. Being very fond OF
mushrooms but having always suspected
their virtues, this takes great weight off
my mind. and | am looking forward to
many happy days during the mushroom
season. Another interesting discovery is
that the banana is the most digcstible Of
fruits digesting in hour and 40 minutes,
against hours for walnut or chestnut
and hours and minutes for "A raisin.
A rock, il seems, is the toughest morsel
q man can eat, taking him six hours to
negotiate, while lark or a snipe is assim-
Hated in two hours. If our authority Is to
De trusted, you had better live on roast
pork than rock pie, for a dish Of roast pork
only lasts hours and 80 minutes before 1t
T. finally absorbed never heard of any
body but an agricultural laborer eating u
rock, and if it takes him six hours to com
plete the process it is "A question whether
we feeble jewellers in towns would ever nc
complish it. / fear that rock would fin
ish me before / finished the rock. London
Truth
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
THE MILK TESTER.
Simple and Inexpensive and Invaluable TO
Owners of MIX Cattle.

The English agriculturist is slow 10 take
advantage of modern scientific discoveries
and inventions. Even the cream scpara.
tor. the principle and utility of which are
universally understood, has not yet come
into general use In this country. As for
the milk tester, its very name is unknown
10 thousands Of English farmers. Yet the
value of this simple and inexpensive ap.
pliancc 10 every one who owns milk cat.
tie Is incalcuable, and its employment l.
doing more 10 advance the dairyng In.
dustrs in America and elsewhere than per.
haps esen the separator itself. Mere guam
tity IF milk does not give any clew AS C
the butter producing capability of COW.
But by the tester the percentage of butter
fat in each COW milk Is ascertaincd, with
hardly any labor and with absolute &C.
curacy before the milk is poured into the
common receptacle for butter making pur.
poses.
The dairyman who has no tester merely
knows the quantity of butter his cows pro.
duce in the aggregate. He has no clew rs
to the value Of each individual COW in the
herd. With the tester on the other hand,
he knows exactly how much butter each
individual cow produces from every gallon
Of its milk. BY this means he is enabled
TO Gull his herd, replacing poor butter pro
ducers by good ones. The poor cow costs
just as much for food and attention as the
good one, but the annual monetary re-
turns of the two animals show a wide
margin of difference. Moreover, a good
butter cow produces good butter stock,
and SO, from his knowledge acquired from
the use OF the milk tester the breeder of
dairy stock is enabled 10 select the proper
calves TO rear and the proper ones to reject.
In this way ii becomes perfectly posi-
BILE as has been actually done on farms In
Vermont and elsewhere in the United
States, 10 grade up dairy herd from an
average production per COW Of $50 pounds
Of butter per annum 10 an average of 300
pounds and over. With these figures be-
fore him, even the layman will grasp the
value of such an invention 70 each individ-
ual farmer who uses IT, But let us reflect
what are the money advantages of the sys-
TEN when spread over the 900 farms that
contribute 10 such creamery as that Of
st. Adams, VT; what the gain 10 the
whole Of that great dairying state, what
the enhanced profit TO the vast dairying
industry Of America. Were the milk tester
In universal use throughout Great Britain
and Ireland. the capitalized value Of our
dairy herds might be increased in few
years time fully 25 per cent If, then, the
British farmer does not eagerly avail him
self Of such an invention, can he fairly
grumble at being ousted from his own
markets by his foreign ompetitorf-West-
minister Review.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
ROYAL College of PhYsicianA.

In the tenth year of the reign of Henry
VIII, on Sept %, 1918, John Chambre,
Thomas Linacre, Ferdinand de Victoria,
Medicorum Nostrorum, Nicholas Holsack,
John Francis, Robert Yaxley," were
granted letters patent giving them the
privilege of admitting men TO practice
medicine in London and seven miles
around. This was the original foundation
OF the present Royal College Of Physicians
Of London. The first letters patent having
apparently been inadequate for the pur-
poses intended, in the fourteenth year OF
Henry VIII "a statute was passed enacting
that no person save graduate of Oxford or
Cambridge should practice in England,
unless he had license from the president
of the College Of Physicians aforesaid and
from three of the elects" who were
chosen from among the fellows. Gen
tleman's Magazine.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
SMALLEST GUNNER KNOWN.
Though Not an Inch Long. He Fired a Gun
and Disconnected n British Colony.

Cape Town, South Africa, claims the
honor of giving birth To the smallest crea-
ture ever known TO become "A gunner in the
royal artillery, or any other artillery in the
whole world. At the castle. Cape Town,
there is n magnificent gun worked by elec-
tricty, used for giving the midday and
evening time. One fine day all the mill
tary and civilians in Cape Town were as
tonished to hear the gun go off at 1890 in
the morning, an hour and half before the
proper time, II being the usual hour for
firing. Messengers came from the general
commanding the station, the brigade ma
jor, commanding officers of each regiment
and battery stationed in Cape Town and
from everybody interested, but the answer
was that no person had been near the gun,
nor had anybody intcrfercd with the wires,
battery or source from which IL was fired.
All the officials were fcarfully puzzled at
the extraordinary occurrence, but could
give no explanation whatever, The gen
eral in command Of the station became
furious and said that there was misman-
agcment somewhere and gave orders for a
strict search 10 be made by the officials for
the guilty party.
Search was made, but nothing resulted
10 throw any light on the extraordinary
affair although the greatest possible pains
were taken 20 solve the mystery. They
had practically given the search up, when
suddenly the news came from the officials
stating that the culprit had been caught
and arrested. 1t seems the electric current
for firing of the gun Is supplied by the
Royal observatory Of Cape Town, and goes
there by means Of an instrument known
as relay that is in the central telegraph
Office Of the station, the distance being
about 800 yards The action of the current
going through the Instruments main
moves sort Of light tongue, which is very
finely set. SO fine that the least little thing
would affect it, This forces the current
directly into what they term the time
fuses, which have the power Of firing the
gun at the castle.
On examining the instrument one Of
the officials found big brown spider in
side. 1t appears that while having an ex.
ploring trip around the instrument the
unfortunate spider must have touched this
tongue sufficiently 10 move II, and cOnse-
quently il fired off the gun. The general
commanding the station sent the spider TO
the Cape Town museum where he is now
10 be seen with card underneath him en-
titling him the Little Gunner" and Civ
ing full account Of his adventure with
the Cape Town midday time gun, which
proved his last adventure, however. New
York World.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
THUNDER AND LIGHTNING.
Don't he Frightened When You See the
Flash, For the Danger Is Past.

II you see a flash of lightning, you will
not be struck 10y it. The chances are large
ly against your being .'uCk by the next.
1t j. wise however, not 10 make yourself
a convenient means of escape for electricity
on its way into the ground Therefore do
not sit or stand 10y an open window or
door nor in any place where there is
strong draft Lightning is more danger
Gus before the rain begins. for the rain
helps to carry il 10 the ground If out Of
doors, do not seek shelter under q tree or
IN barn.
A recent report sent out by the govern
ment states that the popular belief that
barns are struck more frequently than 9TH
er buildings and are particularly liable 10
disaster when filled with hay is correct
The fact is accounted for principally by
the strata Of warm air which "a we'll filled
barn generates. 1t may also be due TO the
absence of crops in the fields, for each stalk
acts as miniature lightning rod. An
English lecturer states that thunder
cloud cannot cross river. but the general
disturbance may spread so that a similar
storm is developed on the opposite side
This probably accounts for showers meet
ing.
Heat lightning may Toe the reflection Of
a distant thunderstorm or it may come
from storm raging high in the air. In
this latter case the reason we do not hear
thunder Is that the sound loses its jnten-
sity rs it passes through the dense lower
air
\ thunderbolt or ball OF fire Is real
ity though hot Of the character generally
imagined 1t is not "A solid ball of fire but
merely electricity In spherical form.
Sometimes when il plows into the earth II
vitrifies the flint or sand Of which the soil
Is composed, and, this substance being
found, the ignorant suppose it fell from the
clouds. BrooklJ IN Eagle.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
A Butterfly Worth 0I5, 900.

1t has only been three or four years since
the expressions las pretty as the Hawkins
butterfly" and worth as much as the
Hankins butterfly" were among the colo
quials at Saratoga and other eastern wa
tering places. The expressions arose in
this way: One of the favorites at the
places mentioned was Mrs Hankins of
Chicago, who wore as a jewel butterfly
81 inches long by 2l5 inches wide made
of pure gold and set with row Of 76 bril-
liant diamonds. Besides this edging Of
pure gems there were 1874 others Of the
same kind scattered over the body of the
jewel. The gem body of this golden insect
was a large Hungarian opal and the tail
was made of emeralds and rubies Mrs
Hawkins valued the ornament at s15, 600
st. Louis Republic.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20

have been able TO give only hasty
glance over field where there is much to
be CLEANED by the patient laborer, but
trust l have succeeded in showing that the
paper cover is not "A thing to be despised,
that it may be n thing of beauty and that
IL may be thing of value. One word
Of warning, and l have done-never de-
stroy the paper cover of book, even of
the least important pamphlet. The in
tegument is an integral part Of the book,
and If the book is worth keeping so Is its
cover which should be bound in always.
The wrapper may contain advertisements
or other information, or 1t may have a
portrait or some other illustration not
contained within the book itself, and then
If you remove the wrapper your book will
never be perfect. To the expert it will
seem always TO be short Of something, de-
fective, incomplete, even though ii should
be in the binding of "a Trautz- Bauzonnet
or Of "a Golden Sanderson. Professor
Brander Matthews in Century.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
THE SACK BLOCKED THE AVENUE.
But Until the Contents Freed Itself No
one Dared Interfere.

An incident which aptly illustrated the
averseness of the average New Yorker TO
getting tangled with things of which he
knows nothing occurred on Sixth avenue,
near Twenty eighth street, the other day.
A two horse truck, in which there was
nothing but harmless looking croker
sack, was going slowly down the car tracks
on the avenue. suddenly the croker sack
'atDearrd 10 become imbucd with life, and
with a bound it was off the truck and in
the middle of the tracks, while the driver,
unconscious of his loss continued on his
way. As the sack struck the ground 1t
began To leap and spring about, emitting
no sound but doing "a regular ghost
dance" that coVld not be equaled for agii-
ity al least. The driver Of down town
car refined in his horses with "A whoop rs he
came upon the thing. As he put on the
brakes, he yelled "A warning 70 the driver
of an approaching car, who pulled his
horses To their Launches, and they, terror
lied at the queer object on the roadway,
began 20 dance and snort.
In "A moment there was a circle of rear
ing horses and curious men and women
surrounding the mysterious dancing croker
sack All pressed around, but none ven
tured too close or offered TO touch 1t.
What Is it, driver anxiously inquired
one of a group of staring women as she
craned her neck from the car.
Its the divil, l believe, 10 be sure,
num- or il divil Of "A thing, anyhow, "
answered the driver as he reached down
from his safe perch and gently pokcd the
sack with his whipstock. As he did so the
sack gave a leap in the air which made the
bystanders start back in alright and the
horses TO rear and plunge again. As IT
fell the string tying the mouth broke, and
out from the sack sprang highly indig-
nant and badly frightened black, curly
Newfoundland pup. The crowd melted
away shamefacedly like snow before the
spring sunshine and the pups owner, who
had returned, secured his pet. 1t all hap
pened in a minute or two, but not soul
had dared 10 investigate the contents OF the
Jumping sack. New York Tribune
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
His Error.

He was new man in New York evil
IDENTIFY country product, and as he rode
up town the other afternoon i'm cable car
he sat in the corner trying TO read his
paper while several women held on by the
straps. He watched them furtively as they
swayed TO and fro, changing his eye every
now and then to the men who occupied
seats a. he did. None OF them moved and
didn't show any signs OF moving and at
last he gently pulled at one of the women 5
dress and got up.
Excuse me, maam, " he said, so every
body could hear him, Il thought was the
only hog in the ear, but / sec I'm mis-
taken. New York sun
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
Something borrowed.

The bridal custom Of wearing some.
thing borrowed has led TO pretty fancics.
Years ago neof Bangor's lovelcSt daugh-
ters carried her mother lace handkerchief
on her wedding day. II was loaned to her
friend, who was married year later, and
then 10 "a cousin and 50 on, until now il
bears quite a history for no less than ,
times has 1t trombled a. the bride listened
TO the solemn words which made her
wife. Happy, happy bit of lace, how we'd
like TO take your place Jour
mi
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
the VIRGINIA REEL.

While softly CLOVIS the candlelight
Adown the dim w3inscuted hall
Upon the silver, shimmering bright
OF a. tique candeiahra tail,
IL merry eyes 10 coyly peers,
The love ht Chances 10 reveal
OF happy maids and cavaliers,
Who dance the old Virginia reel
Clad In a gown OF ample flow,
Coquettish patches on the face,
With powdered hair, As long ago,
Aud quaint and pretty air Of grace,
Each tripping maid with hghtsome tread.
In dainty shoes, most high Of heel,
With eyes that laugh ana up tossed head.
Glides through the old Virginia reel.
The CLEAN of mellow candlelight
Wcayes golden meshes of romance,
And Cupid speeds his arrow flight
Amid the muLc~ Of the dance,
just a. IN past colonial years,
When, 70 thc music's frOiic peal,
Tho happy maids ana cavaliers
Danced in the Old Virginia reel.
Ella Brainord Peck.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
The Animal or other style.

Here is the suitor describing the girl he
adorcs. He says: AS she sat down,
thought that / had never seen such splen-
did shoulders combined with 80 slight o
hip before =" Indeed, she might DO a
panther no the 700.
And here is a description Of a girls
pretty neck: "A delicious, solid, white
throat rose from the dull stun like an al
mond bursting from its husk. Why, it
might bc something 90 eat.
Tie herOinc's lil, are always scarlet"
Now, no lips abe ever scarlet--that l., I'M
less they are part OF % get mp and a
very bad get up at hat.-Tcmple Bar
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
A BABY PHILOSOPHER.

"Me don't want 20 say good night
Want 10 say good morning.
Lispcd my little man In white,
My suggestions scorning.
"But It's night, my baby dear
Darkness and not dawning."
"Don't want II 20 be dark. Come here
And play it's nice good morning.
Dear philosopher and sage,
Night with day adjoining,
Always through lifc's darkcnod page
Keep your glad good morning.
Mrs. NJ. l.. Rayne in Detroit Free Press
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
Nanoleon,. ncnrlIessne.s.

One striking anecdote recorded by Pro-
fessor sloane is that Napoleon, while
walking with the wife Of a commissioners,
near the top of the fonda pass i'm Italy,
took "a sudden freak % show hcr what war
was like Therefore he ordered the ad-
vance guard 90 charge the Austrian pick
cts. Tho attack WIS not only useless, but
It endangered Che safety Of the army. Yet
II was made according to command, and
human blood WI. ,Lod. -ConLury.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
Aboriginal Bonrnot.

1t being warm evening, the chief Pow
hatan removed his collar before proceeding
to the execution of Mr.. John smith.
Now will you be- goodY' he Numbered,
waving his meat clcavcr aloft
Papa, observed Pocahontas, leaving
the royal box and stepping to the front of
the stage, please don't AK him"
AT that the doomed man broke into q
loud laugh, in which the gallery, occupied
by persons who never read the newspapers,
heartily Joined Detroit Tribune.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20
One Maa Safe.

Police Scrgeant-Is the man dangerous
ly woundcdY
Irish Police Surgcon-Two OF the
wounds are mortal but the third can be
cured, provided the man keeps perfectly
quiet for at least six wceks-London Tit
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20

Tommy-paw, what is the board OF edu-
cationi
Mr. Figg--In the days when went to
school 10 was pine shingle. indianapolis
Journal
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20

Tho man who boasts that he works with
his head instead OF his hands is respectful
ly reminded THAT the woodpcckcr docs the
same and is thc biggest kind of bore
Waterloo Courier
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20

His Fricnd-What part did you find
most difficult when You were on the staueg
Footlights-Trying to live up TO the
salary | told my friends l was drawing -
New York Dispatch
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20

81 wonder why So short a man a. BIN
ley should marry such tall girl "a, Miss
upper
" Probably tho same reason that induced
Miss Tupper % marry lltle fellow like
Bimley. -Rocklaud MOO Tribune.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20

There Is "a minatrb Indian corn grown
in Brazil. The ear, ARE not larger than a
little finger and the grains are tho size Of
mustard seeds
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-09-20

Il close application 20, business nothing
cnu give Foints - a healthy mustard plas