Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-08-05
JUST FOR FUN.
Latest hotel arrivals-Rats.

\
buzz
The best thing out-omitting Ham
let from the play.
The porcupine evidently was cast
on the point system.
Isn't it strange that man who can
drink or let it alone never does?
A pair of suspenders-two victims
of Judge Lynch hanging side by side
on the live oak tree.
1t is said that peanuts and bananas
are fattening. This accounts for the
corpulency of policemen.
"What's Jim a doin' sence he grad
uated?" "He's aworkin' for the man
that wrote his graduation speech"
He-How would you feel if wrote
you love letter? She-I should want
you to be there to explain every part.
Butcher : Will you have a round
steak, miss? Young Huosekeeper-Oh
1 don't care what shape it is, so it's
tender.
''My dear, have you given fresh wa
ter to the goldfsh?" "No, mamma;
they haven't drunk what they've got
already"
A church in Seidlitz, Bohemia, is
adorned with a chandelier made Of
human bones. Ground up, they would
sell we'll as Seidlitz powders.
Bobbs-So you were in the Iowa cy-
clone. At what point did the storm
leave the town? Dobbs = 1t didn't
leave the town-took it along.
Why was bee selected as model
of industry? said Tillinghost. Be
cause business with him is always
humming, replied Gildersleeve.
"When er man talks er tremenjus
sight bout whut good frien' OBJ
your'n he is, ''said Uncle Eben, ''listen
ter i'm, but doan trade horses wifi im."
A great many compositors believe
in the theological dogma Of justifca-
ton by faith. The only other article
in their creed is Justification by bod
kin.
Hojak-The air seems rarer than it
used to be. Tomdik-Well, perhaps it
is rarer. You know that good deal
is being used in pneumatic bicycle
tires now.
Mrs. Talkerly-So you are going to
marry Col. Landly, my dear! And I
hear you love the ground he walks
on. Miss Sharpleigh = Yes. 1t be-
longs to him.
Guest-I would like a nice round
steak rare done and some fresh fried
potatoes. Waiter Gin stentorian voice.
Carnage in the skillet. Fried Pin
grees on the side!"
''This coin you gave me reminds me
of some women" said the conductor,
throwing the counterfeit nickel over
in his hand ''How sol" asked the
curious passenger. ''Fare, but false"
said the other.
Brown understand that Senator
Green wanted you to act as his private
secretary. Simmons-He did; but
wouldn't accept the position, because
I should have to sign everything
Green, per Simmons.
s'This is the last time I shall bring
this bill!' cried the enraged collector.
Thanks" replied the impecunious
debtor. ssYou are so much more con-
siderate than the other fellow; for he
said he was going to come again"
No walkee with pretty teacher, no
goee to Mclean mans Sunday school.
eyed Chinese scholars of a Paterson,
N. j., Sunday school, who were for
hidden to escort the young lady
teachers on the street.
Mistress ''Norah, how does it hap
pen that find you idling away your
time in that rocking chair?"
Domestic with languid majesty. IT
am not idling mem, I am reposing I
am a Delsarshean, menu
Artemus Ward, or Charles E. Brown,
as he was then called, while in his
journeyman printer days, was dis
charged from a country newspaper
Office because he left the forms on
the press and brought out the issue
one day late, for the sake of going to
a circus. His unavailable excuse was,
that the paper came out ffty-tw
times a year, while the circus might
never happen that way again.
1t May Do as Much for You.
Mr.. Fred Miller of Irving, H., writes that
he had severe kidney trouble for many
years, with severe pains in his back and also
that his bladder was affected He tried N, any