Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-05-16
THE FINANCIAL ASPECT.

THE FINANCIAL ASPECT.
They tell me that bicycle saves .
man money"
"Well, " replied Whykins, thought
fully. II probably would never have
collected my accident insurance II it
hadn't been for one.
HER EXCUSE.
The Rev. Mr.. Prlmly-I was sorry
to see you come late to church yes
terday.
Miss Flutter-But you'll forgive
me, doctor. You know new bonnet
can only be worn once for the first
time.
PUTTING HIM DowN4
She-I can't help thinking have
seen your portrait in the newspapers
somewhere.
He-Oh, no doubt; it's often been
published.
She-Then / am not mistaken.
What were you cured Of?
AS USUAL.
The Major CATER his war lecture)
Yes, sir, when stepped on the
stage. | give you my word. felt
more frightened than il had faced
the enemy on the field of battle.
Wagson-I suppose you felt like
turning your back on the whole
crowd.
A CONTRARY PERSON.
Mrs. msonbeak-That Mrs. Ba-
con is very contrary person, don't
you think?
Mrs. Yeast-What makes you
think SO?
"Why, only yesterday she gave
'5o'clock tea at o'clock, and had
nothing but cocoa -. 10y
tps e %sEs THE FOURTEENTH.
Maud-Willie, / wish you hadn't
proposed to me tonight, :. ,s--s,::-
/, Willie--Why, pray
Maud-Because You made the
thirteenth, and now am actually
compelled to encourage old Van Got
rocks to propose, so as to break the
spell of bad luck. -.---.ss.
tri.sSsSS HIS LOGIC. x<1.J
Boy-Mamma, who Is that with
the short hair and divided skirts and
glasses on?
Mother-Hush. son; that's the
new woman.
Boy-Oh, mamma, what fib! She
amt the new woman. She's older
than grandma.
PROFESSION AND PRACTICE.
do any of you ladies believe in
advanced women?" shouted the car
conductor, putting his head in at
the car door.
Eyes, we do" replied woman
holding on to q strap.
'Well, then, move forward"
SCIENTIFIC TAXATION.
Mrs. Cute-Now, If our income is
over 81, 600, we have to pay the Gov
eminent. don't we?
Mr.. Cute (filling up blanks in his
return)-Yep.
Mrs. Cute-Well, il we have less
than $4,000 does the Government
pay us anything?
AN IDLE MAID WITH HANDS.
A boarding school inspector, who
was examining children ia Hampshire
the other day, gave few questions
to be answered in writing by them.
Among them was the following:
Q. What is a craven image?
A. (Wrtten by child: An idle
maid with hands.
GETTING EVEN WITH HIM.
Excited Stranger Crushing into the
young lawyers office)-Say, Teller
down on the street Just called me an
unmitigated blatherskite-
Young Lawyer-Why, certainly,
certainly. Just sit down and l will
make out a complaint
Stranger-And / thought 1 would
like to borrow your dictionary long
enough to hunt up some good long
words that would knock him silly.
AN INTERESTING QUESTION.
Tom-How many intimate girl
friends have you?
Kitty-Oh, couldn't say.
Tom-How many have you that
you kiss?
Kitty--I don't know. How many
have you?
DEADLY IMPLEMENT.
Fuddy-You say that Cheffrey has
slain his thousands. Has he been a
soldier, or are you only joking and
mean that he is q physician?
Duddy-My dear fellow, l never
was more serious in my life. No,
sir, he is neither soldier nor doc
tor. He Is the publisher Of q cook
book.
CHANCE MEETING IN THE DESERT.
The Arab sheik halted his camel
and addressed the stranger.
Stranger" he said, ''art thou of
the faith OF Islam?"
Nay" answered the wayfarer,
whose tongue Glove to the roof OF
his mouth IN his agony OF thirst. II
am not yet OF the faith, but am. in
deed, well-wisher
ALL 1T CALLED FOR.
Haverly-Upson Downes lighted
his cigar with the pawn ticket Of his
dress suit the other day by mistake.