The Washington times., 1895-02-11


In dear little fiat and form the acquaintance
OF second-hoor back boarding-house cell
expected TO wear crepe on my hat and grief
IN my heart for at least a month. But, i'll
stead, feel like Haunting peacocks plumes
from sunrise TO sunset. And why? Because.
my dears, my battles with ice bills and gas
bills, grocery bills, and window leaning bi Is
are affairs OF the past. Except for my board
bill, the only experience with collectors that
have is on Tuesday night when a nice lit
Tie washer-lady, in shawl and hood, regu-
iarly calls 10 see about the money for my
laundrywork. Happiness, my dears, lives in
a boarding-house."
I'm about two weeks" said the dear girl,
with provoking emphasis ''we shall be talked
deaf and dumb aud sightless, and by that
time you'll be making sly remarks about
neglected busting and damp towels"
Poor thing, murmured the social philoso-
pher, ''you can't put out fiery volcano with
thimbleful OF water, and you can't spoil my
lovely boarding house picture with y3ur in
sinuative little dats. L say that, compared
with housekeeping, boarding is positively
paradisaical. You don't have to spend loads
of money for kitchen-door bolts and pantry
window fastenings, and you don't have TO 20
through that dismal locking-up process that
causes a fat-dweIer to dream OF burglars.
Then when your room is cold you can cali up
the lanGlady and 10 q high and mighty fash
ion inform her that unless the room registers
so degrees within three minutes you'll
moyo out the Eext day. Not so in a
flat. Oh, no; there you whistle down
tube and in a meek, imploring voice you
ask the ianitor if he will be so very kind as to
turn on more heat. Then you spend the rest
OF the day in modelling house gown out OF
two iur rugs and a feather bed. Now, Just
think OF the independence OF boardingl When
the baked potatoes are as harI as bricks you
p.in ylye af a and n
mand that she remove them at once. When
you have a home OF your own and serving
maid that would leave at any moment if she
had half a chance you can't act as does
Emperor William when some one smiles or
sneers at his poem. On, no. you just eat the
bricks-I mean potatOes-and send neigh
boris boy out for quart Of pepsin tablets.
''When was Fat dweller." went on the
social philosopher. Il was seldom able 10 eaS
any dinner without going through the pre-
liminary exercise of trotting TO the bakers
for rolls or cream or trudging to the grocery
Tor butter There was always trying con-
troversy On hand concerning unreIurned
washings. leaking water pipes, cracked tran
SONS. or escaping gas. Moths were forever
chewing up the furnitGre the piano was eter-
nalIy out OF tune, and about three times a
year alamDshade would give a pyrOteehRic
exhibition, in which n few curtains and orna-
E
a stew over carpets that needed cleaning or
expiring insurance policies. Eire alarms and
burglar rumors were everlasting Nightmares.
Now while I'ni boarding know that burglars
viii hot annoy me, for my possessions con
sist almost solely Of gilt chair and bali
trunkfui Of clothes. There are no silver
spoons 10 be nightly tucked away under the
kitchen sink or behind the foiding-bsd. i
wonder why all the poor. near-siEhted fat
dweilers do not see the error OF their ways
and fy into n clearinghouse paradise. where
domestic cares do not exist and the spirit Of
Independence hovers around hke-hke
a
''Yes. I don't wonder that you've bumped
into a stone wall said the dear giri. 'Such
nonsense As you've been taking, Every one
knows that only a year ago you acted like
lunatic over your nye-roomed stcam-heafed
heaven. as you called il. and the way you ran
yourself nearly TO death endeavOring to at
tend all the rug auctions makes this board
ins-houss tribute especially ludicrOus. You
may be as wise as that ancient gentleman,
King solomon, but you make me laugh just
the same
The social philosopher with exasperating
inattention and audacity began to whistle
Pen Bolt which had the desired effect
I upon the Trilby-wearied dear girl and silenced
( ner ior the next five minutes.
She-the pretty girl with the silky eurls
and sweet blue eyes-had eiasped her hands
together, pursed her mouth up into an ex-
preston OF happiness and declared that
sieigh-ride was the acme OF bliss. He. poor
man. had had a cutter bequeathed TO him by
a relative who most generously died. but who
/ forgot 10 include horse with his gift. And
the poor mans purse was net as Eat as purses
sometimes are. so he felt quite down-hearted
But one day. when his heart was especially
sGd-for only the night before she of the
silky curls had again dilated on the JOYS of
the sleigh-ride-he heard Of 4 great bar
gain.
Some one had a horse for sale, and the
price was so low that it was a mere nothing
So the young man with slim purse imma-
diately purchased the bargain, hitched the
bargain to the cutter. and drove away 10 the
/ home OF the dy OF the silky curls. And OF
course the lady of the silky eurls was de-
lighted, ana she and the young man bounded
away like gust OF north wind.
At least that's the way they went until they
chanced to arrive at a street whereon glided
a meek and humble street car Then the
bargain Immediately lost ms appearance of
sprightlneSs. His head became lowered and
he took place beside the two street-ear
horses. And then what do you think hap
pened? Whenever the conductor of that car
would ring the bell the bargain would stop
stone still and never bulge until the con-
ductor gave the signal to 20 ahead.
Ana the bargain had found old friends in
those street-car horses and was reluctant to
lose his dear acquaintance.
Perhaps the man wasn't ill-temperedI And
the lady OF the silky eurls? oh, she didn't
mind it as much as the young man did. for it
seemed very funny indeed, when she got a
chance to laugh without the young man
knowing anything about it.-Cinders, in Chi
cago Record.