Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-07-08
JUST FOR FUN.

A large majority of those who think
they need coaxing, really need club
bling.
"Don't you think the man who mar
ries for money is a fool?'' ''He is. un-
less he gets it in advance"
Bigley- Are you a married man?
Ashley = No, thank fortune. Why
thank fortune? Pm a widower.
"I guess know why they cali idols
IDOLS" said Bobby. "It's because they
sit still all the time and do nothing"
s'You were always fault finder"
growled the wife. eyes, DEAR" re-
sponded the husband, meekly; 81
found you"
Tommy's Pop-WeI, my boy, how
high are you in school? Tommy-Oh,
Pm way up. My class is on the top
floor.
'sWant any mouse traps?' Come
buy one, dol" "No, thanks; we have
no mice" Zach, I'll throw them in
with pleasure!''
He-Miss Galley really doesn't look
a day older than she did six years ago.
She-According to her statistics she
isn't day older.
In the Cleaning pointing to
a star)-Ah, there is Orion. Voice
(from the darkness)-Ye are mistak
en-, mum, it's O'Reilly.
''Jinkins, I believe you have some
of the elements of success about you"
''Not dollar, old man. Honor bright.
You'd be welcome to it if had"
Mrs. Kicksey-Why do you suppose
the high hat is making so much trou-
BILE? Kicksey-Because there's wo-
man at the bottom of it, of course.
Six months after marriage "Weel,
weel, Sandy, how dye like the little
laddy?'' "Oh, weel, Alec, III nae deny
that she has fine conversational pow
ers.''
s'Will you have the chicken dress
ed?" asked the poulterer. mo-" re-
piled young Mrs. Hunnimune: ''you
may send it to me erin the alto
gether."
First Actor-What, don't you like
this play? know one man, now, who
thinks it is simply great. Second
Actor-Who is that? First Actor-The
author.
'Did you say, sir,'' said the excited
statesman 'that it was an impossible
ty for me to tell the truth?'' mo, sir"
replied the other, II merely stated
it was an improbability."
Prospective Tenant (to agent)-You
say this house is just a stones throw
from the depot. Well, all have to
say is 1 have great admiration for the
man who threw the stone.
"Don't you think that good many
Of these Easter bonnet jokes are over
drawn?'' she inquired. eyes," re-
piled her cherries husband; land
good many bank accounts"
Johnny Smart-There's big differ
ence between my teacher and streak
of lightning. Mrs. Smart = How SO,
son? Johnny Smart-He strikes sew
eral times in the same place.
She-I think there is considerable
room for Improvement in ladies' dress
es nowadays. He-Wen,in the sleeves
especially should say there was room
enough for almost anything.
Julia-Do you consider Mr.. Nippy a
mean man? Nellie-Mean? Not only
mean, but cowardly. Why, he never
will take a seat in a street car for fear
he will have to give it up for some
woman.
"Wel," said Bill Yuss, "I've taken
a powder for my headache,a pellet for
my liver, and capsule for my equity
foot. Now, what puzzles me is, how
do the things know the right place to
go to after they get inside?"
"My mother in law never under
stands joke" says correspondent.
$50 T was surprised to receive letter
from her few weeks after my little
boy had swallowed farthiDg, in
which the last words were, Has Err
nest gotten over his financial difficult
ties yet?'"
Hoods Pills cure liver ills, biliousness,
indigestion, headache. pleasant laxative
all druggists.
The bicycler who rides with his nose
on the handle violates the laws of an
and haout1r IL 10