The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1895-09-11
TIE WAsnWoMAN's WAR

4 out Of sorts. After a cocktail he yielded
TO better mood.
settin' round balky this away. Thar S
some seventy wrinkles on my horns;
nothin' young or recent about that. So
1t often happens to me. like it does to
old folks general that jist when it begins
to grow night, l gets moody an bad.
Looks like your thoughts have been out
on some mental feed ground all day, an
they come stringin in like cattle to get
bedded down for the night. Nacheral,
suppose they sorter mills and stands
around Uneasy like for awhile before they
lies down all comfortable. Old people
particlar gets dissatisfied. If they re
like me an amt welded none; campin
round at tayerns an findin of EN- mock
cries, they wish they had a wife a whole
lot If they be they wish she'd go visit
her folks.
"No, as I imparts to you heretofore.
maybe it's month, 1 never marries
nuthin'. 1 reckon 1 was in love one
roundup an another mighty near a
dozen times too. But somehow 1 alters
lose the trail am never do run up with
none of EN- once.
Down in the BraZos country thar was
u little blue-eyed grl-back thirty years
1t was-an' the way / adored her plumb
tires people. | reckon l roped at her
moren fifty times, but / never could fas-
ten. Now an then it looks powerful like
l was goin to run my brand onto her.
but one day she learns that Bill jerks
brands $50 calves the last spring round
up an me only forty, an that settles it.
She takes jerks.
ut was aStOnishin' how little / deems
OF this yere maiden after Bill gets her.
Two months before I'd rode my pony to
death to look once into her eyes. She's
like sunshine in the woods to me, an I
dotes on every word she utters like it
was roast apple. But after she gets to
be Bills wife l cools off complete.
mot that lovin Bills wife with his
genius for shootin' pistol was goin to
prove picnic. an him sorter peevish an
hostile nacheral. But lettin' that go in
the discard, / shore don't care nuthin'
about her nohow, when she's Mrs. jerks
Il recalls l get that locoed lovn' this
girl l goes bulgin' out to make some
poetry over her. I complies one stanza,
an I'm yere to remark it was harder
work than June day in brandin' pen
Ropin' and flankin calves. an standin'
off an old COW with one hand while you
irons up her offspring with the tother,
from sunup till dark, is sedentary COM
pared to maxim stanzas. What was the
one L makes? Well, you can bet a boss
amt forgot it none.
A beautiful woman is shorely a moon,
The nights of your lifetime to illoomine:
She's all that is graceful, and guileful,
and soon,
Is woman, lovely woman.
I'm plumb tangled up in my rope when
/ gets this far an takes a lay-off Be-
fore gathers strength to tackle it agin'
jerks gets her; so bein' nothin' therein,
l never makes finish. l alters allowed
It would have been powerful good poem
II I'd stamped along clear through
yes. son; women that away is surely
rangy cattle an alters on the move. T
recalls now two of 'em comes mighty
IN Mol vy;11
leavin' it on both sides Of the trail. All
that ever saves the day is the calm tudg-
ment an promptitood of old man En-
right.
This is how we leads into this petticoat
ambush. Wofville is gettin' along all
peaceful an serene an mania shion.
Ihar's the postoffice for our letters; thar's
the Red Light for our bug Juice; thar's
the O. K. restaurant for our grub, an
thar's the stage an our ponies to pull
our freight with when Wolfville life be-
gins TO pail on us as too pastoral an we
th1rsts for the metropolitan gaiety of
Tucson.
"As l says, we has all that the heart
coulC hunger for; that is, hunger on the
square.
Among other things. thar's a Chink
runnin' laundry a-doin' of our washin'.
IhlS yere tub trundler's name is Lung
which. however. brands no cattle here.
"One afternoon Doc Poets gets letter
Deer Doc:-Thar's an esteema BILE ladv
due in Wolfville on tomorrer's stage.
She's pintin' out to run a laundry. Please
back her play. If thar's a Chinaman in
town. run him out, and oblige yours,
Whatever do you think Enright. =,
says Doc Poets, after readin' us the let
ter.
That's all right says Enright. the
Chink goes. It's onbercomin' as a specta-
Gle for Caucasian woman of full blood
TO be contendin' for dirty shirts with a
slothful Mongol. Wolfville permits no
such debasin' exhibitions, an Lung must
vamos. Jack he says turnin' to Jack
Moore, who's kittle tender to the stran-
gers, take your gun an saunter over
An stampede this yere opium slave Tell
him If he's visible to the naked eve in
the scenery yere abouts tomorrow when
TINS lady jumps into camp, he's shore
asked the price of soap the last time he
ever will in this vale of tears
WHAT'S the matter with lynchin' this
we're Chink? says Dave Tut. The camps
deadly dull an it 'ud cheer things a
whole lot, besides bein compliments to
this we're young female Old Monte's
bringin in on the stage
oh, no. says Enright, no need of
etringin him; none. On second thought.
Jack, I don't reckon I'd run him ont
neither. 1t dignifies him too much. S'pose
you canter up to his tub camp an bring
him over an We'll reveal this upheavai
in his shirt-burnin' destinies by word of
mouth. If he grows reluctant lust rome
him round the neck with his cue an yank
him. 1t impresses EN- an shows em
they're up agin the law. 1 s'pose. Peets.
vices your sentiments in this?'
Shore, says Doc Poets, which was
the finest educated man I ever saw, this
Chinaman must pull his freight We owes
1t not only to this Tucson lady, but to the
lovely sex she represents. Woman, wo-
man, what has she not done for man!
AS johanna of Arc she freed the sensu-
Gus vine-clad hills of far off Switzerland.
AS Grace Darling she smoothed the fever
heated pillow of the Crimea. In recon-
pense she asks one little, puny boon: to
fire from our midst heather from
Cathay Gents, there is but one answer
we plays the return game with woman.
This Chinaman must 60
When Moore comes back with Lung
which he does prompt, Enright starts in
to deal the game
1T amt no use, Lung saws Enright.
tryin to explain to you what's up. Your
weak ASiatic intellect couldn't get the
drop onto 1T, no how. You've been brought
10 showdown again woman an you re
outheld. You've got to quit, savey ?
Don't let us find you here tomorrow. BY
fust drink time We'll be scoutin for YOU
with something besides an op'ry glass,
an If you're noticed as part of the land
Scape you're goin' to have heap of bad
luck. I'd advise you to pint for Red Dog
as bein home camp for dirty shirts, but
as to that you plays your hand yourself.
Now. git
Next day the old drunkard. Monte.
comes swingin' in with the stage; the six
hosses on the jump, same as he alters
did, with woman along. Over at the
postoffice, where he stops, a lady gets
out an of course we all bows p'lite an