Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-03-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Boston Courier.
Sooner or later pride is sure to step
on dynamite. Rams Horn.
The mistakes of the past are the
signboards of the future Puck.
"Our engagement is quite secret,
you know" $50 everybody tells me-"
Pail Mall Budget.
Content is the feeling we ex perience
the first week after our salary has
been increased. Puck.
Nobody can help noticing the short
comings of the man who is always be-
hind time. Dallas News.
Japan has found in China what
might be termed hasty pudding -
New York Mail and Express.
My friends conceit usually consists
in his inability to recognize the high
er order of intelligence. Puck.
Misfortune seldom gathers friends;
and when it does they all stand around
and say, 81 told you SO Puck.
Do not keep a good movement on
hand when it should be put on foot
without delay.-Galveston News.
Would you keep a woman's love
When you earn it,
Here's n way I'll tell you Of
Don't return it..
Judge.
Scientists believe it impossible for
man to have double. If this is SO
how can man be beside himself?-
Life.
A girl is good deal like problem
in mathematics-You don't always un-
derstand her when you get her
Puck.
He who wrote, GAN the world loves lover"
Failed to note an exception sad;
'Tis that the lover is but seldom loved
BY his dear loved ones dad.
Buffalo Courier.
New Boarder "Whats the row up
stairs?" Landlady-"It's the profess
sor of hypnotism trying to get his
wife's permission to go out this even
ing. g."-Tit-Bits.
A barber is the easiest person in the
world at meeting people. Go into his
shop almost any time and you will
find him scraping an Acquaintance
Rockland Me- Tribune.
Benevolent Old Man-"Here's a
quarter. So you were sent to Yale
when quite young?" Ragson Tatters
-'Did say dat? meant jail; l
can't pronounce de j'"-Philadel-
phia Record.
Old Mr.. Goodfello-"L Little boy,
can you tell me the way to the ferry?"
Gomin-"Yassir; JUS follow the
street along where you hear the team
sters usin' the wust langwidge. y
Harper's Bazaar.
There were 100 lynchings in this
country last year, but they didn't get
around to the man who beats time to
the music by tapping on the rounds
of your chair with his foot. Rock
land (Me.) Tribune.
First Footballer Halfbaok
go around and wallop that editor who
wrote .about The Brutality of Foot
ball? Second Footballer-"No."
"Why not?" "Halfback is in the
hospital. Good News.
Bobby-"Our dogs name is Cicero,
Uut oAuco NY UToouoI h"S OOOh w ooA0
lege he calls it Kickero." johnny
81 s'pose that's the way they pro-
nounce it at college. They're all
crazy on football. Good News.
"Yes, young ladies'" said the pro.
fessor, "Pallas Athene, the Grecian
goddess of wisdom, was unmarried"
And from that day the goose won
dered why those girls wouldn't study.
It was bad break. New York Re-
corder.
A German scientist says that 5000
wears hence there will be one man to
every 900 women. This is a less
cloomy outlook than il there were to
oe 220 women after every mana
condition that already exists at the
summer resorts. .-Norristown Herald.
As the train drew up at a country
station on the Southeastern Railway
pleasant-looking gentleman stepped
out on the platform and Inhaling the
fresh air, enthusiastically observed to
the guard: '.Isn't this invigorat-
ing?" "No, sir; it's 'Caterham," re-