The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Don't look gift horse in the mouth
until you get him home. Puck.
The people arc compelled to forgive
something in every genius -Atchison
Globe.
The grass was parched until ali men
Who gazed on it were pained.
He bought garden hose, and then
ltrained and rained and rained.
Washington Star.
The woman who croons over q sam
over of hot tea wonders what comfort
men get out of smoking Los An
geles Express.
There is a deaf mute named Money
out at Mount Airy. This disproves
the theory that Money talks. -Phila-
delphia Record.
He" You are the only girl who
can make me happy" She (coquet-
tishly)-" Sure?" He" Yes; ] have
tried all the others. "-Tid-B
He was a grabbed old bachelor;
At marriage he sneered with "a laugh
But they gave him lead afty-cent piece,
And he yelled for better half.
Washington Post.
"No, Maud, dear, the quarterback
of an excursionl steamer is not SO
called because you can get seat on it
for twenty-five cents. Philadelphia
Record.
Mrs. Newleywed-'T think we shall
get along very nicely together. Cook
Lady Sure, mum, Oi haven't seen
yer recommendation yet, "-Philadel-
phia Record.
AT q recent children's picnic the
crowd was delayed an hour in coming
home because the chaperon was out
on the lake with one of the boys and
refused to come in. n.-Atchison Globe.
Abbott-"I have never been in Chi
cago, but l have been through the
town a few times" Babbitt-'I have
been IN Chicago, but the town went
through me. indianapolis Journal.
Amt bit o use to fret
Take life as you find il!
Best world that we've been in yet
Smile and never mind IT,
Atlanta Constitution
"The curious thing about my bust
ness" said the mosquito, alighting
softly upon the nose of the sleeping
victim. lis that it's more fun to go to
work than it is to stay to hum Chi
cago Tribune.
Mrs. Northside las her husband
comes iu)-"The baby has been cry
ing for half an hour" Mr.. Northside.
-"Well, then give her a half hour;
yes, even a whole hour, if it satisfy
her."-Mercury.
She treated you pretty shabbily."
Yes, she's angry with some one"
With you?" ooh, no not with
me-" How do you know?" "Be-
cause I'm the one she's venting her
feelings on. Chicago Post.
If a shoe looks small, one can put
up with little pinching; but when
shoe, as the saying is, looks big MS all
outdoors, and at the same time pinches
like vice. there is no pleasure even
in tight shoe. Boston Transcript.
Mr.. McSwart getting ready for
church 'Lobelia, what's the matter
with this neoktie Of mine? 1 can't
find any way to fasten the thing on"
Mrs. McSwart-"Ohi Ohl OH Put
that down, Billiger! That's my new
hat. Chicago Tribune.
Timmins-'I believe after this that
l shall not send any one my autograph
unless he gives satisfactory evidence
of having read my poems" Simmons
-"Oh, | wouldn't be so severe Us
that. Why not let him off on giving
proof of having merely bought a
copy?"--lndianapolis Journal.
First New Woman" "Phat Mrs.
Umphry Is horribly lacking in man
ners." Second New Woman--"What's
the matterp" First new woman-"I
saw her in a street car the other day
when number of gentlemen entered,
and she never offered TO give up her
seat to them. Chicago Record,
81 have a trained seal, said the
Englishman. ''It can be hitched 70
boat, and will drag my children about
on my private lake just as pony will
drag a cart" That's very nice"
said the American. 81 have one too.
Mine takes its fur OFF in winter and
lends it to my wife for a sacque. -
Harper's Bazaar.
''You needn't tell me that women
have no sense of humor, said Ricketts,
to Fosdick. "Well?" ~ overheard
u suffering man propose once. He
said; Il Il-l-loye y-y-you d-d-d-devoted-
ly, Mummy d-d-d-dear BIB b. Blanche.
W-w-w-will y-y-you m-m-m-marry
m-m-meY And after the delivery Of
this declaration on the installment
plan the mink had the audacity to say,
20, George, this is so sudden. The
Smiler.
q,