davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
pUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-Bellefeld-I say that the laws
ought to be made stronger" Bloom
feld--"I don't know that l quite com
prehend your meaning" well, as
the laws stand, eve comparative
ly week people a break them
Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph
One of the professors of the Uni
versity of Texas vas engaged in ex-
planning the Darwinian theory to his
class, when he observed tina: they were
not paying proper attention. Gentle
men," said the professor, when l am
endeavoring to explain to you the
peculiarities of the monkey l wish you
would look right at me."-Texas Slft-
ings.
-"Bridget, I want a pound of steak,
a bag of salt, two ounces of pepper, a
loaf Of bread and a pound Of butter.
Do you think you can remember them
"Sure, nam, 1 kin remember 4 by
the other. When / hev- Dread, I know
l want butter, aud when l have steak,
l want pepper and salt" "All right.
Go, and don't be long" Bridget was
not long. She was back in a very
short time; but with an empty basket.
why, where is the dinner, Bridget"
II couldn't reminder wan of them,
man." why, l thought you could re-
member each article by the n before
it." Faith, man, 1 had nothing to
reminder the furst one by"
At a picnic given the waits of Chi
cago a plate of tarts was passed to
two little urchins, evidently chums.
One. whose mouth was too full for ut
terance, and plate too full for even an
extra tart, shook his head; not so his
neighbor, who added the tart to his
pile of goodies. In a few minutes num-
Der one had SO reduced his plate that
he asked for the refused dainty, when
he was told they were gone. Where
upon his little friend was heard giving
him this philosophical advice: THE
time to take tarts, Bob, is when they're
a-passin'r-Harper's Bazaar.
One day, when the late Lord Bea-
consfield was walking in his grounds
at Hughenden Manor, he was accosted
by a well-known parishioner noted for
his ready wit. 1t being winter time,
and the weather unusually severe, the
villager, after paying his respects to
his lordship, commenced to make an
appeal for a little help. "How often
have I told you to be careful and pre-
pare for a rainy day?" "Ah! that's
right enough; so did, my lord" said
the ready-witted villager; "but then
who thought of seeing all this snow
and hard frost?" This ready rctort
had the desired eHect.-Household
Words.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
Reasons For Dlsfnheriting.

1t has been remarked that the disin-
heriting of relations is mostly for
venial offenses and not for base &C.
tions. The last Irish Lord Fitzwil-
liam left his property to Lord Onslow;
but one morning at breakfast the in
tended heir, after helping himself to
cream, caught the last drop upon the
rim of his cup. which was thus brought
into contact with the edge of the cream
jug. Lord Fitzwilliam commended that
this was an ill-bred action, and, as the
offender persisted in ~ridiculing the OBJ
lection. his name was forthwith erased
from the will. Isaac Casaubon left NO
part of his goods to his son who had
joined the church Of Rome. but 'onlye
one cup of the value of thirty crowns"
IN. Y. Ledger.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
A PARALYTIC CURED.
His Grandfather, q Revolutionary Soldier,
and His Father Both Died of Paraly-
sis, Yet the Third Generation
Is Cured-TheM Method,

AAAO ~
and His Father Both Died of Paraly-
sis, Yet the Third Generation
Is Cured-The Method,
Erok, tic Herald. Boston, Haas.
Like q thunderbolt from a clear sky, d
| stroke of paralysis came to Mr.. Frank 7.
Ware, the wel-known Boston auctioneer
and appraiser, at 235 Washington street.
He went to bed one night about six years
ago, seemingly in robust health. When he
awoke his left side was stiffened by the
deadening of the nerves.
The interviewer sought out Mr.. Ware to
get the facts. He gave the interesting par
ticulars In his own way:
The first shock came very suddenly
while | was asleep, but it was not lasting In
its effects, and in a few weeks l was able to
be about. A few months after, when ex-
hausted by work and drenched with rain, I
went home in q very nervous state. The
result was q second and more severe shock,
after which my left arm and leg were prac-
tically helpless.
MY grandfather, who was o soldier In
the Revolutionary War, and lost an arm in
the struggle for American independence,
died finally of paralysis: My father ais
died of paralysis, although it was compli-
Gated with other troubles, and so l had some
knowledge of the fatal character Of the dis
ease which is hereditary In our family.
After the second shock l took warning, for,
in all probability, a third would carry me
off.
almost. everything under the sun was
recommended to me, and I tried all the
remedies that seemed likely to do any good,
electricity, massage and specialists, but to
no effect.
.sThe only thing 1 found that helped me
was DR.. Williams Pink Pills, and l verify
believe that ii it hadn't been for those pills
I would have been dead years ago..
"Yes, l still have a slight reminder OF the
last attack six years ago. My left arm is
not as strong as the other and my lett foot
drags a little, as the paralysis had the effect
of ~deadening the nerves. But | can still
walk a good distance, talk as easily as ever,
and my general health is splendid. l am
am generally taken to be twenty years
younger than that.
: tThe PINK Pills keep my blood in good
condition, and I believe that is why l am so
we'll, although cheerfulness may help.
II have thought of it a great many times
and l honestly believe that the Pink Pills
have saved my life"
Mr.. Ware has every appearance OF a per-
fectly healthy man, and arrives at his office
promptly at eight o'clock every morning,
although he has reached an age when many
men retire from active life. His experience
Is Wen AuUWn W d SIedt uidLy pCOplc ia
Boston, where his constant cheerfulness
has won him hosts of friends. He says that
in his opinion both his father and GRANDPA
Their could have been saved if Pink Fills
had been obtainable at that time. ]
DIR. Williams Pink Pills for Pale People
contain all the elements necessary to give
new life and richness to the blood and re-
store shattered nerves. They may be had
of all druggists or direct by mail from the
DR.. Williams Medicine Co., Schenectady, N.
Y, at SOC. per box, or six boxes for $3.50.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
AN UNSAFE SAFETY,
A Bicycle That Was Not Fully Up to Eek
pectati0ns.

A Bicycle That Was Not Fully Up to Ex-
pectations.
I'm going to sue you for damages"
the bicycle store and shook his fist in
the face of the proprietor.
The angry mans trousers hung in
ribbons about his feet, his coat was
torn straight down his back and his
elbows protruded from his sleeves;
mud despatched him all over, and
there were several cuts and bruises on
his face and hands.
What do you meat?" asked the man
thus so rudely addresned.
"What do I mean?" srepeated the dis
reputable looking one. Look at me.
Besides the injuries to my person and
my clothes, which you can see, and the
injury to my feelings, which a not
express, l am quite certain that three
or four ribs are broken, and besides
that the bicycle you sold me a quarter
Of an hour ago is now a hopeless wreck
a few squares from here
But, my dear sir" began the dealer
in wheels, now angry himself. The
irate man interrupted him.
THE condemned thing al away
with me, plunged into a telegraph
pole, threw me against the curbstone,
and now you may behold the result"
But how on earth do you make me
responsible for all this?"
You sold me the COMPOUNDED thing"
True; but if you do not know how
to ride l am not responsible for what
happens"
Not responsible! Of course you are
responsible! 1 asked you distinctly IL
it was a safety bicycle, and you as
sured me that it was. l am now going
to consult a lawyer and see if you are
not responsible for your own words"
He left determined to see it there
was any law in the land.-N. V
World
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
Farmers and Taxation.
LnnlAan Manazinn Of Cfrica

American Magazine OF Ctv1cs.
Agriculture is the basic industry Of
civilized society. By it most Of the
materials for food which supports life
and clothing which shelters are fur
nished. It makes possible the develop
ment of manufactures, commerce, edu-
cation and art, which are tho glories
Of our modern civilization.
The praise of agriculture have yer
been a favorite theme of writer's. Yet
the social position of the small work.
ing farmer has ever been undesirable.
One would naturally think that, with
the marvellous development of wealth
this century has seen, through the con-
quest of the forces of nature by inven-
ton, that those who have made it pos
sible; and : no constitute two-fifths of
the great industrial army. should have
their share and should, as a conse-
quence, have greater leisure and OPP
portunities for education and those re-
fnements that add SO much to life.
But instead Of holding their own. they
are rather losing ground. Instead of
Frightening skies. the outlook il full
Of menace.
/ am q small working farmer In q
fine agricultural section of the state of
Ohio, near Lake Erie, and my knowl-
edge Of farming leads me to think that
the cause most generally assigned, viz:
the development Of modern machinery
by which the great capitalist or boz
nanza farmer is enabled to crush out
the small farmer by competition, is
but . minor one and one that would
not be operative but for other and
greater causes
There must be some more potent
cause. That cause is found in unjust
taxation. 1t was the chief cause in
England, and it is the chief cause
here.
It was an eminent French statesman
In the ancient regime, when the king
could say he was the state, who MT
tered the famous saying: Indirect
taxation is the method OF plucking the
goose with the least possible outcry.n
We have no king; but the goose and
indirect taxation still survive. Signs
indicate that tho people are coming
8 and o to realize that though
they see no tax bill, set, whenever they
make q purchase, spartof the purchase
price reaches the government and .
still larger part goes to others who
would not get it but for the operation
Of the tar.
All our national taxes are indirect.
Our state and local taxes are - hope
lessly complex, confused snd injurious
their action NJ national sys
tenn. We tax the fArmss's products
md the merchants wares We tax
the maun3scturss who ID trying 10
bpila ~ cur haase asksktt We MIN u
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
PfTh N POINT.

-Copiousness and simplicity, varie'
ty and unity, constitute real greatness
OF character.-Lavater.
-Britisher-''Are your kumorists
here in America generally read@'
We'll, no; those have met have been
most Internally blue. Toledo Blade.
SORRY, madam. but you will have
to get somebody to identify YOU" 1.-The
ideal Don't you think my name right
there on the check?"-Eoston Trans
cript.
You may have noticed that we
don't have so many moonlight nights
as we did years ago. when you were
young and went courtinR.-Chicago
Herald.
Say, guide. what does that me-
mortal stone commemorate?' II put
it there, 1t is upon that spot where a
tourist once gave five lnarka- Ellie
gende Batter.
~ am very sorry, Karl, you didn't
admire my new frock. Everybody
says it's charming" Your friends,
my dear, pay you compliments. l pay
your ills.'-Lustige Batter.
-Blabzer-"Out in the country don't
you find it aggravating having to hur-
nv to catch trains?" Manner -"Oh,
no.. It's hurrying to miss them that
we find aggravating."-Roxbury Ca
zette.
-Elobbs-"Your ocean voyage seems
to have improved YOU. You look
stouter." Slobbs-'I lost FIVE pounds,
just the same" Blobbs-"Seasick?"
slobbs-"No; poker" Philadelphia
Record.
Street Car Conductor-'I can't
take this Canadian money. The COM
pany won't take it from U.S." Mrs. Z
Dear me! If that's the case. I should
think you'd be glad to take it."-Rox-
bury Gazette.
DO you think, professor" said a
unsteady ambitious youth, "that l
can eve do anything with my voice?'
WELL" was the cautious reply; ut
may come in handy to holler with in
case Of Observation-Disclosures Star.
DO you think" said Chappie,
lldC d SCbIlCLidu ouRHt W SPcah W
his barber when he meets him on the
stweet?" "C%ertainly," said Briggs.
sit is about the only chance he has to
get u word in."-Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Billus-"Don't you believe it's
true. John, that a person partakes to q
considerable extent of the nature of
he creature he eats?" Mr.. Billus-
mo, I've been eating fish all my life,
and can't swim a stroke. Chicago
Tribune.
do you find this weather oppres-
sive?" he asked. EYES," she replied;
cts very hot and tiresome." Would
it make matters more endurable if I
were to propose to you?" "eh, yes. Do
propose ice cream soda water and a
drive. "-Washington Sta
The Bicycle Fad. - He - "Wait
awhile, dear, and I'll buy you a wheel"
She - "When?" He Next year.
They'll be much cheaper then" She
well, l don't want one then; they'll
be SO common everybody will have
one. "-Detroit Free Press.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
1t Stood the Test.

A public writer had a partition wall
fixed up in his study, and ordered the
carpenter to make it in such "a way
that no sound could penetrate
through it.
The best thing will be to fill it with
shavings," said the man, and set to
work.
When he had finished his employer
went and stood on one side of the par
tition and called out to the man, who
was on the other side:
DO You hear me, Jankte?"
mo, sir" was the prompt reply
Taeglische Rundschau.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
TAX REFORM STUDIES
EDITED By BOLTON xAr.x.
A. ObAn Field.

II any M has an impression that
communications to these Studies"
VII o be published unless they echo
she editors ideas he is mistaken.
Articles on any aspect of taxation
VAL always be welcome, il they are
decent, well written, within reason.
aoie limits and to the point, except
that we do not discuss the tariff.
Land owners especially should be
interested, as the principal benefit OF
any Improvement or social advance
goes to them in the increase of value
given to land. Address this Office, or
~ Lock street, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
How Should Unimprovsd Property 3,
Taxedf

The custom which allows an individ-
ual the right to maintain a small farm
within the limits of the town and pay
tax on it at farm rates is unjust, or if a
man feels disposed to devote a five acre
field to his front yard, should he pay
only the same tax as another citizen
owning a similar residence on a half
acre lot? The town should look upon
every foot of land within the corporate
limits as prospective sites for dwell
ings, and taxed as such. If this were
done every citizen owning land would
see that it was improved and made to
pay interest on It's taxable value. As
it is, a man owns a plot of land cover
ing Ave to ten acres which, if devided
into half-acre lots, could be easily sold
to small holders, and. through the
agency of building and loan associa-
tions, be converted into a property
paying an annual tax on s25, 600 to $780,
900. But, the holder says, / want this
for my residence, and I don't want any
body crowded up ear me, SO he builds
him a fine house to cost from $1,000 to
SO, 600 and pays taxes to the town ON
the cost of the land alone. Has the
town been benefited or the reverse?
Bout think that we would pre-
vent men from owning any
number of acres of land in
town and building on them or allowing
them to lie idle. Our claim is simply
this. The town should receive taxes
on every foot of land within its limits
at the rate that the land would pay if
improved. This, and this alone, will
bring about ar equalization of taxa.
ton and at the same time add zest to
the upbuilding of the town.-Wilson
(N.C.) Advance.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
A Wild s~upposstion.

1T is supposed that the average val
ne of furniture per house in Great
Britain and Ireland is about sI6o.
This estimate includes the valuable
pictures, plate, horses and carriages
which are appendages Of the more prs.
te~ntious establishments" Credit Los.
{It is supposed from the assessment
rolls, however. that the average value
II shout nnevsixtisth OF one pound, IN.
lass tho rolls are mAds up on q differ
est plan tfsa ssss.-EA,
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
stcadlness wanted.

Mrs. Wickwire sat up and shook her
sleeping husbands shoulder vigorous.
ly.
What is it?' he mumbled.
Il want you to snore either in so
prano, bass, alto, or tenor. and confne
yourself to one tone. You keep switch.
ing from one to another sc rapidly
that ! cart sleep."~ Fttshnrgh Dis
pstaas
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
Tobacco's Triumph.

Every day we meet men who have ap-
parently lost al interest in life, but they
why the sunshine is not bright, and the
sweet BIRDS song sound discordant. To
bacco takes away the pleasures Of life and
leaves irritated nerve centers in return.
No-To-Bac is the easy way out. .Guaran-
teed to cure and make you we'll and strong,
by Druggists everywhere.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
S01A EXl

If you can bear all your small trials you
will never break down under your great
ones.-Texas Siftings.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09

MORE RECEST.-Jack-"Ahi You are a
true daughter Of Eve.'' Jess-"Indeed l
I'M not. We go back only to William the
ConQueror."-Puck.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09

FoRr1rY Feeble Lungs Against Winter
with Hale's Honey Of Horehound and Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09

FIRST W1sP FIEND Cat hoteD-' He's a
mean cuss; didn't give me cent" Second
Wisp Fieud-''That fool l was brushi =
give me a quarter ."-Boston Transcript.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09

"THE only thing I don't like about Miss
Peeler is her bathing suit" 'That isn't
much against er."-Life.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
A PLATFORM

suggested for the Confederation Of the
Coming Political Party.
To live, to labor, to freely exchange
and peaceably enjoy the products Of
his labor are the natural inalienable
rights of man. The sole function of
government is to secure these equal
rights to every citizen, and all laws Or
customs which in any way limit or in
fringe these rights should be abolished
without compromise or delay; There
fore,
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
Keep Your Weather Eye Open.

l. Keep Your Weather Eye Open.
Fraud loves a shining mark. Occasion
ally spurious limitations spring up of Hos
letters Stomach Bitters, the great Ameri-
can family remedy for chills and fever, dys-
pepsia, constipation, biliousness, nervous
ness, neuralgia, rheumatism and kidney dis
order. These limitations are usually fiery
local bitters full of high wines. Look out
for the firm signature on the genuine label
and vignette of ST. George and the Dragon.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09

THIS famous "new woman"
Still charming appears,
She's ''advanced' in ideas,
But never in years.
-WaSbingtOn Star,
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
Highest Of all in Lcavcning Power-Latest is. Govt Report
@!@!a!l! F Ratxes
ABSOLUTELY PURE
ABSOLUTELY PURE

EASTERN stranger-"What are they lynch
ing him for?n Quick Drop Dah-"At-
tempted suicide Eastern Strauger-'They
might just as we'll have let him kill himself
Quick Drop Dan-"No, Stree. The boys
out here don't believe in a Teller being SO
selfish. Life.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09
(The first plank concerns the tariff

(The first plank concerns the tariff.
II.
Since there can be no equal freedom
OF exchange while the medium of ex.
change is a commodity owned and con
trolled by a few citizens, we demand
the denomination Of both gold and
silver; and that in lieu thereof paper
money be issued by the general govern
nent, the same to be a full legal ten
der, receivable for all dues and taxes.
No money to be issued by the govern
ment except in payment for services
actually performed for or materials
furnished to the government.
Since there can be no equal freedom
to exchange while the highways of the
country are owned and operated for
the sole benefit of private individuals,
we favor government ownership of all
public ways for the transportation of
persons and property and the trans
mission of intelligence. And that each
municipality own and maintain all its
public ways, including street car lines,
light and water supplies, and all other
things requiring the use Of such public
ways.
We demand that all public revenue
be raised by a single tax upon the
value of land exclusive of its improve
ments: to the end that all may share
equally in that value which attaches
to land by reason of the increase of
population and the advancement of
civilization. The government may be
simplifed, land monopoly and specula-
ton destroyed. and humanity restored
to that unity Of interest and equality
of opportunity in the material uni
verse which alone can bring peace on
earth and good will among mon.
V.
In addition to these fundamental re-
forms we demand:
Equal suffrage for men and women.
Local self-government with the ini-
.tiative and referendum.
Proportional representation.
Election of United States senator's by
the people.
The curtailment of the appointing
power of the president by the election
of p~ostmasters by the people of the To-
~calities in which they serve.
Fully recognizing that there must
ever be inequalities in the abilities and
of men, we seek only to
abolish tho unnatural advantages
some citizens have over other
citizens by reason of unwise customs
and laws and that in the land which
is our common heritage that all may
be equally free.
This we demand. No lover of the
republic should be satisfied with less.
Respectfully submitted,
Troy, o. A. F. BRooMHALL.
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09

JoSEs-"How's Wheeler getting along
since he bought a bitsclel' Brown-"On
crutches, l believe."- London Fun.
A LIFE of ease is a difficult pursuit.-Cow-
per,
The Opelousas courier., 1895-11-09

WHAT profits US tAat we from heaven de-
rive a soul immortal, and with looks erect,
survey the stars, if, like the brutal hind,
we follow where our passions lead the way
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-02-08
Personal.

LOTUS Parker Jones Of Washington. who
y thought 70 have two brains Is twenty
Two inches around the head.
Prince ThOOn Kramon Tho. who is likely
70 De CHOSEN heiT 10 the Siamese throne,
Is stuQying at Ascot College, England
queen Victoria will in April go TO Darn
stadt, where she will meet tine car and
clarllas ana the emperor and empress %
Germany, and several other royal per-
sons.
James VI. Boyd, who has just been ap-
pointed a clerk In the bureau Of accounts
OF New YORK city at a salary OF $3.50.
was IN more prosperous years gone by,
the Wall street broker Of the famous Dan
lei Drew.
The Tucker family of Todd county. Ken
lucky. Is no small potato affair. Old
Lew tucker weighs 26s pounds. his wife,
- pounds; and his two sylph-iike daugh-
ters pun the scales at 234 and 80 pounds,
respectively.
The German ambassador, Baron Saur-
ma, made graceful concession on sun
day last 10 the Puritanic side of American
society at the capital when he transformed
the annual ball in honor Of the Eaiser's
OH th1ay into regular afternoon Tea.
Alexandra Dumas possesses a keen bust
ness sense that IS not inherited. At least.
ms rather did not have il. 4 case in point
was his sale Of the manuscript of LAT
taire Clemenceau," one Of his first nov
els. \ publisher offered him 500 for st.
but, rather than sell the book at that
price, Dumas pigeonholed Il, and eventual
~ realized 5000 from H.