Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-04-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

When you give others advice take
some of it yourself. - RAMS Horn.
A mans experience teaches him to
fear nothing on earth but his friends.
-Atchison Globe.
There are few fossils in this coun-
try that as yet are in no collection
West Union Gazette.
The reason more short men do not
buy tall hats is because they are short.
-Rockland Tribune.
A courtship by mail is about as sat-
isfactory as perusal of the bill-of-
fare in place of dinner.
Adversely is like the frosting on q
sumptuous cake, and its rewards are
like the plums below.-Puck.
1t is estimated that woman has
the last word and eighty-two per cent.
of the preceding conversation. PUCK.
There are many rules for merchants,
But these two will suffice:
Be diligent in business
And don't fail to advertise.
Detroit Free Press.
"Move on" said the officer you're
full" 'sThash right" said the dizzy
one; s'who told you?"-Adams Free
man.
It is easier to throw stones at pro-
cession than it is to twirl the drum
majors baton. - Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
There are two important periods in
woman's life. One is when she has a
hired girl and the other is when she
hasn't. .-Rockland Tribune.
The man who sighs for the happy day
When a barefoot boy he ran
Is the same old boy who used to say
~ wisht wuz u man."
philadelphia Record.
The world is like fruit basket.
The big and attractive ones get on
top, while the little ones are crushed
out of sight in the bottom. Texas
Siftings
Mrs. Murphy-"Yes, sonny, I've
had fruit stand on this block for
thirty years. Tim Ryan-'If you'd
have advertised you might have owned
the block by this time. boston
Globe.
You think your old hat looks pretty
we'll until you come out in new one.
Then you notice by the enthusiasm of
your friends that they'd been hoping
for this for some time Rockland
Tribune.
sIt's all nonsense, dear, about we'd
ding cake. 1 put an enormous piece
under my pillow and dreamed of no.
body" "Well? "And the next
night + ate it and dreamed of every
body" Life.
Old Player-"When next You try
you want to forgot everything but
that you are on the stage" Amateur
Slippupp-'' That was just the trouble;
I did forget everything but that. =
Boston Courier.
Wiggles-"W did they call 1t a
charity concert, do you think?" Wag-
gles-"I don't know. Possibly be-
cause it is SO often necessary to be
charitable toward the performers. -
Somerville Journal.
''There is some satisfaction of being
q kodak fend," mused the amateur
photographer, as he sent bundle of
pictures to q friend. Sat least, q
man can express his own views. -
Philadelphia Record.
As the cow on the barbed wire scraped her
She gave a tremendous bound,
And remarked: II think the wires should
all
Be put right under the ground!'
Puck.
Caller--'I am going to send my
little girl to cooking school at once"
'Does she care for such things?"
Caller -''Dear me, no; but am sure
she will make a good cook, she breaks
SO many lovely dishes. "---Chicago In-
tsr-Ocean.
Wife-''Ths language you used last
night when you came home was some-
thing dreadful" Husband "But-"
Wife-"Don't try to deny it. l am
as positive as am that sit here that
when said who's there?' you said
Me. '"-Chica go Tribune.
''Do you intend to pay an income
tax?" mo; I've had my salary re-
duced to $34Oc." "Then, of course,
you'll expect Christmas present of
about $500 or 5000 from your em-
ployers. eyes, that is about the
size of it. boston Budget.
Let's fad no more ON Bonaparte,
As we have lately done;
And, setting him aside, lets mako
A fad of Washington.
He might object If he were here:
But really its too bad
To go to foreign parts when we
Can have q homemade fad.
Detroit Free Press.
If all the people who shut the door
in the summer could be sent to the
equator. and nailed to it, aud all tns
people who leave the door open IN tue
winter carried to the North Po,e.
and tied to ii, what IA comtorta ,ls