Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1895-04-27
DOCTORS pUPLIcITY.
A Wise Old Man Who quit the Physi-
clans.

-
"Some folks thinks dem doctors don't
know their business, but / guess them
ez thinks so amt never run up against
EN- none," said Mr.. Eli Webster to a
few OF his friends who were seated on
spike kegs and piles of OK chains in the
village blacksmith shop, according to
Life.
wal. / hearn them ez knows say the
science of medicine amt by no means
an exact science-not to speak Of" re-
marked Deacon Humsted, who invari-
ably differed from bis friends and
neighbors on every subject under the
sun-a practice which had added con-
siderable zest to his existence for over
sixty years.
Il amt talkin' erbout medicine ez q
science. I'm talkin' erbout doctors and
tibet branch Of the prefeshun which ain't
down in none of the books and is known
ez ~1eg-pullin'," said Eli. firmly. "Doo
tors is like mechanics. IF they git one
job they'll alters make another fer them
selves outer it. If you take yer watch
to be repaired jest once it'll he outer
killer an hev sumthin' Their matter with
1t ez long ez it lasts. Same way with
you when yer gifts goin' to Their doctor"
Deacon Humsted remarked that some
people were put together like cheap
watches. and no amount Of patching
and tinkering with their insides would
ever take the crankiness out Of them
and make them go right.
Eli passed over the roar of laughter
which this hit provoked and continued
his tale of woe:
LAST spring l was a-feelin' a little
run down an outer sorts, and Maria got
il in her head that | was ailin' and must
see the doctor. Nuthip' would DO hef
but tibet, an when Maria's set you
know"
tibet the gray mares the better boss, =
observed the deacon with a quiet
chuckle.
Il warn't a-talkin' about no gray
mares, said Eli, who had missed the
allusion. This amt a boss story, but
ez | was sayin', | went 10 the doctors,
an he said my system was in a low
condition an needed buildin' up. What
/ wanted ter do was ter take iron an
eat beefsteaks three times a day. SO |
paid him 10 shillings and went away
thinkin' | got off blame cheap. Wa,
tibet stuff he gimme an the beefsteaks
built me up immense. got to feelin'
like q yearlin' colt, when all OF a sud.
dent | began to break out with boils all
over. Worse boils you ever see. tux
some tea made from white ash bark,
but it didn't do me er mite er good"
"Did you peel it mp or down when
you stripped it from the tree?P' asked
the deacon, shrewdly.
Il peeled it up; er course | knowed
tibet was Their right way if you want to
do any good"
Never knew it to fail If it vas stip-
ped uperds, said the deacon specifically.
Il amt got no great shakes to lind
out sumthin' you don't know" returned
Eli. But. ez | was sayin'. the bark
weren't no good an he'd ter 90 back to
the doctors agin.
rich. You've been Twin too high. Yer
oughter left off eatin' them steaks when
the hot weather cum on. But I'll give
yer sumthin' ter cool off yer blood Sc
he gimme a prescription fer some stuff
tibet cooled my blood off. Regular
chilled it, so tibet | took a bad cold and
then come down with pneumonia.
wall, then | he'd the doctor stidy fer
four weeks. an when | got better he
said my circulation needed increasin';
80 he gimme a few doses that q~uickened
it until ii brought on palpitation of the
heart. Then he gimme some did-yer-
tell-us fer my heart and tibet knocked
my stomach out and brought on power
full attacks of dyspepsia, so tibet | could.
MT eat friend pork or nuthin'.
wall. by this time | begun to see
through his game an to see thet ez long
ez | kept goin' to him he vas a-goin
ter give me one kinder sickness to cur,
another an keep himself in a stidy jol
ali the time. So l jist stopped eatin
till my dyspepsia got better an then
quit doctors"