davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
THE COBBLER GENERAL.

The cohhler who mended my shoes,
states a writer for the Star, was
named Bigley. and he was always
called General" which somehow did
not quite comport with my idea of
the cobbler.
True, he had been a soldier during
the whole Of the rebellion, but just
what kind of a soldier I did not know.
True. also, he had lost his leg at Get
tysburg. but it was dozen years after
the war. in the accidental upset of a
traction engine Raging a threShing
machine into a field.
Still he was General Bigley" in the
common parlance, and one day l asked
him about it.
weren't you in the army?" 1 in
quired.
Eyes, sir he answered proudly and
promptly.
See much fighting?"
From April, 81, to September, 60
Il notice that everybody calls you
General What was your rank
Were you general?"
II was in command of the Army of
the Potomac. SIR he said, as truth
fully in tone ais any man I ever heard
speak.
ooh, comet" I laughed, 81 never
heard of a General Bigley in command
of that army. You are giving me CUFF,
as rhe boys say
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
SLIPS OF THE TONGUE.

An absent-minded young preacher in
New England, wishing 10 address the
| young ladies Of his congregation after
| the morning services. remarked from
| the pulpit that he would be very glad
| if the female brethren Of the congre-
cation would remain after they had
gone home. He was almost as badly
mixed, the narrator of this says, as
another preacher, who, after describ-
Ing pathetic scene he had witnessed.
added, huSkly:
Il tell you, brothers, there was
hardly a dry tear in the house. =
Harper's Round Table
1t was but the tranSposition of two
or three letters which spoiled the eio-
quence OF preacher who. in place of
Bow not thy knee % an idol" said,
Bow not thine eye TO a needle" In
a similar manner d young clergyman,
in giving out the hymn, ''COnquering
Kings" merely stumbled over the first
syllable, but, being unable TO save
himself, startled his congregation with
the announcement: The hymn to-
night will be KinqUering Congs'-
'Kinquering Congs'" Much the same
was the pitfan into which a reverend
gentlemen walked when, in place Of
saying, Behold the fig tree, how it
withereth away by a simple transpo-
SitiOn of two or three letters asked his
audience to ''Behold the wig tree, how
it filtereth away But perhaps one
Of the most cOmical instances of slips
Of this kind is the case of the preacher
who, describing conscience and deSir-
ing to get his listeners to recognize
the promptingS of its inward voice in
the half-fOrmed wishes of the mind,
appealed to them whether there was
one there who at one time or another
had not felt within him the effect of
a half-Warmed fish" After this, the
instance of a parSOn who, devOutly
reading the lessons in solemn tones,
announced: He spake the word, and
cattlehOppers came and grassipillars
innumerab le," seems almost common
place. SO, too, does the mistake of
the priest who assured his congrega-
ton that lit was easier for a rich man
to pass through the eye Of a needle
than for a camel to enter the kingdom
of God. Boston Herald.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
SLANGED IT THROUGH.

F. NJ Hutchins, the illustra tor, was
one of several artists who attended
the last Abingdon Square concert in
search of the picturesque. Mr.. Hutch
ms wears glasses. He is also con-
nossieur in the latest slang, and II
served him a good turn. About
thousand small boys were closely
packed around the band-stand, and
the artist wanted to work his way
through them that he might speak to
the bandmaster. He politely ex-
planned his object to boy, who stood
in front Of him. The boy turned and
after looking at the artist for a mo-
ment, sang out to his companions:
"S-a-a-y, here's a smooth guyMwf
glinkers, an he says would please
permit him to pass. Would /? Well,
I wouldn't do a ting ito him."
Mr.. Hutchins wears no beard, and
some Of the other boys began to make
personal remarks about his appear
ance. They talked in slang, and the
artist knew the way to win them.
Leaning over to the first boy, he said
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
THEY WEIR EN'T TIRED.

They were from some locality up
north, and on their wedding, tour. In
taking in the sights of Detroit they
boarded a Woodward avenue car for
q ride to the terminus and back. AS
they sat beside each other, her hand
in his hand and his straw hat tanning
them both, a grumpy old cOdger on
the next seat sneeringly observed:
Mother case of loves young dream,
/ See.''
The newly welded looked around at
him, but made no reply, and pretty
soon he said:
There ought to be a law against
this spooning business! 1t just makes
me tired!'
ooh, it does!" retorted the young
man as his cheeks began to redden.
"Mebbe you never spooned when you
was a young man?'
''If 1 did it was not in such a pub
lie placer
whats the place to do with it?
Can't everybody tell right off the han
die that men Jennie are just mar
ried?"
'1 should say they could"
"And that we are on our bridal
tour?"
Eyes"
''And that we are jest honey and
peaches?"
"That's what tires me-"
cit does, eh? Well, it don't tire u.s.
She dotes on me and I'd die for her,
and we are going to kiss, and hug,
and squeeze hands, and eat gumdrops
as long as our SIT holds out; and you
and all the rest of the old mossbacks
in this town can lick your chops and
go to grass!"
And he sat down and put one arm
around his turtle dove, and Rugged
her till the grumpy old man came to
his corner and dropped off with a
grunt of disgust.-Detroit Free Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
HER INCONSISTENCY.

I'm sorry" she said gently, that
| cannot be all that you wish in your
life. But l will ALWAYS think of you
as a very dear friend"
''Thank you," he said.
"And if there is any way l can ever
assist you 10y advice or endeavor do
not hesitate to call on me-"
''That's downright kind of you" he
replied, greatly cheered. You can
help me-"
''How?"
You see, so long ais you have de-
clined to be mine, l thought I'd pro-
pose to Miss Binkins, and if you'll
see her and put in good word for me,
you know
And that's why she jumped up and
went away huffy, and vowed she'd
never speak to him again as long as
she liyed.-Washington Star.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
THREE WOMEN.

In the magic land of Make believe
three women met A moon of green
cheese hung low upon the horizon: the
blades Of the blue grass ruStled gently
in the breeze. and in the distance the
snorting of the long-Sought-for shark
could be heard. One of the women
Wore boomers and rode bicycle.
She Rugged baIlot-hox under one
arm. The second woman held aloft
a copy of the declara ton of independ-
ence new style. and she carried a
chafing-dish. The third was a shirt
waiSted, sailor hated damsel over
whose shoulder was slung a hammock.
The three eyed each other long and
carefully. Then: Il am the Sum-
mer Girl" said the one; Il am the
Bachelor Maid said the second; while
the third announced, Il am the New
Woman" ''Why, l never saw you
two before" cried the Summer Girl.
did either of you ever see me?'
NO" replied the New Woman.
thoughtfully. None of us ever saw
the other before, and, what is more,
neither did anybody else New York
Evening Sun.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
TOO WELL HEELED.

Achilles was hero Of the most heroic
kind;
He was a human cyclone, who made
pftiful the wind
Which blows above Olympus, midst
the thunder and the sleet;
He was a young tornado, and he got
there with both feet.
His mother sought her progeny a gainst
all harm to fix
She seized him firmly by the heel and
dipped him in the Styx:
This made him quite invulnerable to
all of human woes,
Except the few that strike a man d.
rectly through his hose,
But exc Achilles died at last, in spite
of mothers care;
He did not die, like Abealom, by rea-
son Of his hair,
Nor died he like the boy who stood
upon the burning deck,
Nor like the revered barnyard fowl
which gets 1t in the neck.
Achilles died, if you would know the
final reason real,
Because he was not dipped enough,
and got it in the heel.
Rochester Democrat and Chronicle
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
Its true as gospel" he insisted

Its true as gospel" he insisted.
Tell me about it, if it's all the
same?"
well, YOU see, it was this way" he
/ said, pegging away at the shoe in his
J lap, and not looking squarely at me-
L was in the Army of the Potomac
/ when General Grant took charge and
was a sergeant. You see I used TO
know the general out in Galena when.
he wasn't so much. and he waS mighty
friendly with me and made me his or
derby. | used to go every place with
him. ridin' over the field and that
kind of thing, and sometimes there
wasn't nobody but me and the gen.
eral ridin' around for miles together.
Well, one day we had rode out along
the road, and we come to a little place
where a man lived that could make
the finest mint julep in the whole
state of Virgfnny. I knowed about
the place and so did the general. and.
when we struck it. I could kinder see
his mouth waterin'. fer mint iuIenS
didn't grow on trees in them DAYS i'm
Virginny. When we got opposite the
gate, the general sorter stopped his
boss and looked over at me. and I
shut down one eye soft and easy.
BILL says he-he always called
me Bill in private-.Bill, will YOU do
me favor?
Anything on top of earth, general
says I. What is ito
"Will you be kind enough to take
command Of the army while l go in
here and get a mint juIep?'
"'Of course 1 WILL general says 1.
Strengthening UP my back ais if I had
a ramrod stuck down it. and comm
to a salute.
Thanks says he; and please hold
my boss at the same time
'Then he went in. and for about
fifteen minutes I set there on nv boss
like Napoleon croSsin' the Rubicon.
and was in command of the Army of
the Potomac; and ever since that time
the boys have called me General and
[ didn't see any use of saying they
shouldn't
1T didn't occur to me to ask the
General" for an affidavit to back this
rather remarkable story of his. but. I
fancy if | had asked he would have
readily furnished me one, for the
"Genera1' wasn't a man to let a little
thing like an affidavit interfere with
a war tale.-Washingto Star.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
A NORTH CAROLINA RULING.

In North Carolina the judges of the
superior courts rotate" i. e., ride
each circuit of the whole state in reg
ular succession. When Judge Shipp,
Of one of the mountain courts, in reg
ular rotation came ito ride circuit ON
the sea coast, Le was much pleased
with CLAIMS, which were new 70 him.
He had a clam supper, with the re
suit that he had a most violent Illness,
and could not hold court for two or
three days. When able to sit on the
bench, the first case tried was an
affray in which one man used pistol,
and the other knocked him down with
a clam lin the SHELF. Manly, appear
ing for the state, introduced witness
to prove that one clam, so used, was
a deadly weapon. "Stop there, Man
ly," said the judge, earnestly; 1.-THE
court will hear evidence whether or
not a pistol is deadly weapon, but
the court knows without further evil
dence what a clam is. San Fran
cisco Argonaut.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
THE RIGHT THING AT LAST.

Ex-Governor Roberts, of Texas, Is
queer character. Recently he was
called upon to deliver an address to
the inmates Of the state penitentiary.
The govern )r consented, and, after re-
viewing his audience for few min
utes, began:
Gentlemen
'fBut, no. he hesitated, ''you are
not gentlemen, or you would not be
here
He paused for another moment.
''Fellow citizens, then"
He stopped again.
mo, you're not citizens, either"
The governor grew impatient for
want of som ething to say.
well" he began again, sit doesn't
matter what you are I'm ID glad
to see so many of you here. New
York Morning Journal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
AFTER A LION.

"Who is this Dean Swift they are
talking about?" whispered a society
lady to Lady Bulwer at a party. II
should so like to invite him to one of
my receptions"
ALIAS, madam, the dean has done
something that has shut him out of
society"
Dear me, you don't say so? What
a dreadful thing" said the lady in a
breath. And what was itY' she
aGued.
well, about a hundred years ago
he died London Tit-Bits.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
BEYOND Der.

The new woman stamped her foot
and her eyes cleaned with rage.
Words of wrath were evidently on her
tongue, though she could not utter
them.
Slackening her fin de steele costume
in various places, she twisted and
wriggled until the collar button, that
had slipped down her back, fell on
the floor.
AS she picked it up and adjusted it
in it's proper place, a look of defeat
settled upon her countenance.
She lacked the courage of her con-
victions. Though the occasion un-
doubtedly demanded profanity, she
could not swear.-New York Truth.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26

in husky voice: Say, Petey. i'll tell
you how it's. I'm up against it, and
that's straight. l don't want to- get
me bHnkers busted. Give a fellow
chance. See?"
Cert" replied the boy. open up
there an let me fren trough He's
all right
And Mr.. Hutchins did get through
without trouble Slang goes with the
Abingdon square small boy New
York Sun
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26

troubled the sweep of her long flashes
his hand, firm and strong, and loving
withal, was being softly passed over
her heated brow.
THANK your The low. even words
Jared upon him strangely. But now
and he was thinking and saying how
little would content him till she could
give him all, and already the stony
calm of her manner was fretting him.
She had told him herself that she did
not love him. but the spoken words
were nothing to the written evidence
before him, plainly to be read in the
quiet face, not dropped nor rosy; the
gray eyes, their depths unstirred and
sleeping; and the close red lips that
only breathed Of grief. and longing.
For a moment he stood beside her. half
touched. half angry, then he kissed
her and let her go.
well, after ALL he thought, "she is
only child. Just now she is feeling
naturally sore at this fellows indif-
ference: but she will get over that.
no fear"
On that dull November morning on
which he left her to go to London.
Lefty had sighed for a change. no
matter Of what kind.
amy change must be for the bet
ter" she had said then.
In the cold. gray dawn of the first
n 6a IL,
her bed. the shining silk she had worn
at the party still on her. moaning and
shrinking away with fear and dread
from the very change she had been
so ready to welcome while yet distant.
In the room next to hers Ernest
DevereuX sat by the fire, smoking.
He had not gone to bed at all. and
his head had grown dizzy porting sover
a small morocco-bound volume. where
his debts were jotted down in I'M
round numbers He was
smoking comfortab bly, now. and think
ing of Lefty. The softened look had
not quite left his face, and he half
smiled, half sighed. as he thought of
her.
poor little girl!'' he said to him
self; ''she is terribly cut; but the fell
low was old and boorish. She will
soon forget him-she can not help it,"
He threw the stump of his cigar
into the crate as he spoke, and, with
a yawn, drew the curtains back. and
let the yellow sicl11y light Of the young
day creep in, while he lay down ito
get a few hours sleep before break
fast-time.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
ICELAND IN THE TOURING BUSI-
NESS.

Iceland is preparing to compete for
the tourist business. An association
has been formed at Reikjavik to
spread information about the island,
and the ,Althing has decided to buy
"a steamer, to establish direct com
munication with England during the
summer months for mails and passen-
gers.
1t has been decided by the courts
that there is no law against prize
fights in Texas, and the Corbett-Fitz-
simmons fight is certainty.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
THE BLOOMER MAID.

When first he dons trousers,
There comes to a boy
A thrill and feeling
Of wonderful joy;
With hands in his pockets,
Complacent his smile,
He's aware of one fact
His clothes are ''the STYLE
When a woman dons boomers
How altered the case.
What complex emotions
Are shown in her facet
She's no faith in buttons,
Her feet seem immense,
And she longs for the lee
OF a sheltering fence.
Possession but seldom
COntentment ensures;
A woman who only
The trousers secures
Gets little but worry
For fear she may tear 'em,
Unless with them goes
A husband to wear 'em-Truth.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
HE WAS RESIGNED TO IT.

what does this here New Woman
talk mean, John?"
Hit means, Maria" replied the old
farmer, that women air a-takin' the
places what men occupied. You'll
find the pillow right where l left it,
an when you sharpen the ak, you kin
sail into a dozen cords O. wood, an'sIll
have supper a-bilin' when you git
home!"-Atlanta Constitution.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-09-26
CHAPTER VI.

CHAPTER VI.
LEFTY, Remember, We Are Enga ged."
March was in, and Lefty, to whom
a little of her old bloom had come
back, was being daily blown and blus-
tered into something of her past fresh
youth by the keen winds that swept
and surged round her as she took her
long, lonely walks over the sands in
her sealskin jacket and flowing wooden
dress. Those walks were not ALWAYS
lonely, not often indeed, considering
that London was more than a hundred
miles away from Kenmore, and that
it was in London her lover was forced.
as he said, to live.
No one could be more attentive,
more gallant, more loving even, than
Ernest DevereuX had been during
those two bleak winter months. Lefty
had long since learned to miss him
when absent, and wait eXpectantly for
his coming. She was every day learn
ing to do more, though she thought
very often of Paul Lennard's noble,
earnest face, and sometimes caught
herself wishing that her lover was
q little bit more like him Such as he
was, however, he was very we'll; and
if she had cared less for him than
she did she would yet have had her
reward in the joy and comfort their
engagement gave her father, for Ern-
est DevereuX and she were now for
mally engaged.
The old man was in high de-
light; he talked vaguely of great good
fortune yet in store for her, and for
which she would have to thank him
when it came. He spoke of a hand
some house in Belgravia, and dash
ing turnout for his pet, as largely and
confidently as though Mrs. Lennard's
legacy had been hundreds of thou
sands in place of thousands.
Lefty sometimes smiled, and smil-
ing, wondered at the old mans talk;
but she always thought lovingly of
him, and thanked him in her heart
for this unexpected care of her. But
what often surprised her was that
Ernest Devereux, cool, wise man OF
the world, seemed to see nothing eX-
travagant in all this, that sounded I'D
her ears but as so much fond babbling.
Toward the latter end Of March,
Mr.. Leigh went on one of his mys-
terious visits to London, and Ernest
Devereux, who had been staying
few days with them, went back with
him. They were both to return be-
fore the thirtieth, they said, and they
smiled at one another meaningly as
they said it. But the thirtieth passed,
and April came on, and wore on to-
ward May. and they had neither come
nor written. Lefty was surprised,
and a little vexed, but not at adj
frightened as yet.
To Be Continued.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1895-03-06
ASSAULTED. ROBBED AND LEFT FOR DEAD
TWO MEN ATTACK \ TAILOR WHOSE MONEY
THEY HAD \ GLIMPSE or ~ \ TAVERN

TWO MEN ATTACK \ TAILOR WHOSE MONEY
THEY HAD a GLIMPSE or IN \ TAVERN
Louis Judelovitz. thlrty-ive years old. a tailor.
OF No. 10 East one -hundred-andsc while
walking 20 Tayor-ave.. Kingsbridge Road ut
o'c.ock yesterday AFTERNOON. was brutaliy beaten
10y two rlughs and lcf' FOR dead. Ills assailants
were ;richtcncd away by the driver % coal
wagon. Who arrived In time 10 save the taiors
he ana the greater part OF his money, which was
the incentive FOR the assault.
Tho tailor vas pellling In Fordham and Ire
mont yesterday. and In a saloon In Arthur-ave..
near Ouc-huudrcd seventy remained
for hour drinking with several men. While
there be- engaged In dispute with two of the men,
and lee 20 avoid a fight. The men saw his money
and followed him In Tayior-avc., near pne-hun-
drcd-aud eight -fourth-st. the tailor heard loot
steps behind him. and started 20 run Before ne
had gone far be- was struck on the back OF the
head aal H. led 10 the ground. one Of the men
ufnpc! a4trii" him ana began searching ms
clothes Will. tn" other kicked him about the mead
until D.. h~ram. unconscious
A. FurIham Hospital the tailor was found 10
have sustained four scalp wounds. a frdctuf" or
the nos, and accritlons OF the eyes. when may
result iu hl.udn-s- In pocket seW"d 10 IN" IN
ID ln 81 his shirt uud"r hts right arm were founi
SO ln hul. which the highway men diI not hnl
Tho polio" said they knew his assiilants anu would
have them before morning.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1895-03-06
SEVEN MONTHS BUSINESS OF THE ATCHI-

Chicago March Tile report 81 tn" Nchison.
Topeka and Santa F~ Railroad for the seven
r,onths oadiag on Jnnu'ry 81 l'35. show tn gross
earnings to Doe s.ili5.ao For the corresponding
period iu thr pre-, year The earnings w'r" go
SlIlM. "a ac-reas. % S,G~S5. The operating cN-
pcns"s Tor the seven months ending on January u.
1875 wer. aii,r Jess than fov tho similar period IN
the prcrcd4us y,ar cog ili+i7.@E These figures in
clud. ;L. .utlr. system. IN. Atlantic and Pacific
and thu Colorado Midland show increased gross
earnings as compared with 1884,. though III" net
earnings are slightly decreased On account of the
augmented OPERATING ~Np .us"s. Tho net earnings
81 thc entire system {nt6,.}S dccrras" ~ over
$2VpVn from those Of lSHi The Colorado Midland.
which De- the most nours hing OF IN" operated Ii"s'
notwi' hstaudinS the financial depression. mas
against 10 q drcrras" IN net earnings Of only $'''i
These figures also include expenses OF Operating
IA" Wichita and Western road, -hdlf OF when
are borne by the ~. Louis and san Francisco
through Joint ownership. Now that the year IL
closed. adjustment VIII b- at once made Ia Tn"
Income