Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-01-07
JUST FOR FUN.


fairly be called beastly weather.
Teacher-John returned the book.
In what case is book? Dull Boy CATER
long thought)-Bookcase.
Teacher-A mole eats daily as much
as it weighs. Pupil-But now does 1t
know how much it weighs?
A bore is man who spends so
much time talking about himself that
you can't talk about yourself.
Some one who believes that 'brev-
ity is the soul of WITT writes: "Don't
eat stale @ cumbers. They'll w up"
1t is sad to see family relics sold at
auction, but the most painful thing
under the hammer is generally your
thumb nail.
1t is related that Boston small boy
pointed out ST. Paul. church to Wis
itor from the West as "the place
where st. Paul hung out his lanterns"
"Papa. will you Guy me drum?'
ooh! but, my boy, you will disturb
me very much if do" "Oh, no, papa,
I won't drum except when you're
asleep"
"My youngest is very fond of pc
destrianism, ".said Mr.. Cawker to Mr..
Cumso. st didn't know it was old
enough to walk" cit isn't; but it is
old enough to know that 1 can"
"You are as full of air as music
box" is what a young man said to a
girl who refused to let him see her
home. "That may be-" was the re-
ply, "but don't go with a crank"
"Papa," said Jack, as he gazed at
his weeks allowance, ten cents, edo
you know what I'd do if [ was an aw-
full rich king? I'd increase my allow
ance to twenty five cents a week."
"Any interesting legends about
here?" asked the tourist. 'No," re-
turned the native, slowly. "ain't new
er seen none, though you may find
'em way back in the thick woods"
''Don't sit so close to the fire, John
ny, the weather isn't cold" said the
boys father. "But amt heating the
weather Pm warming myself" ans
wered Johnny, never moving from
his comfortable seat.
Dickens, like all men of genius, ap-
preciated himself. He once said to
a friend who criticised him: "When [
am wrong, like to be criticised; but
thus far ] have never been wrong"
Mr.. Grumps- What idiotic things
they do print on the women's page in
this paper! Mrs. Grumps = Yes. I
wish they would discharge the fellow,
and put woman in charge of it.
Little Frances parents have been
discussing reincarnation, and the
small maiden has acquired some of
it's phraseology. "Mamma," she said
one day, "my kitty must have been a
pin in a previous state Of existence;
for can feel 'em in her claws yet''
"Do you go to school, Willie?" que
ried the visitor. "No, 'said Willie, who
has tutor. "School comes to me. [
wish it didn't, too. Some days are
too wet for me to go out, but there
amt any too wet for Mr.. Diggins."
A society lady living on Common
wealth Avenue, not yet fortunate
enough to keep her own carriage, has
a bright little girl about six years old.
The other day the child counted up
the members of the family as "Papa
Brown, Auntie Brown, Mamma Coin
the cars, and mel"
The teacher in one of our public
schools directed the scholars recent
ly to take home their states and have
them washed in soda water. A little
girl raised her hand and earnestly in
CURED: "Teacher, we haven't any
soda water at our house; but papa
drinks Vichy. Will that do?'
A little boy was taken down the
harbor by his ather, and saw for the
first time large steamer towed by
putting little tug, with an immense
hawser connecting the two. ooh,
papa, papa!" he shouted in excite
ment. "See! The big boat has the
little one by the tail; and he's a
squealing!"