The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1895-05-28
cABE coHoRr


DEAR EDIToR:-E've got the reputa-
ton of being the funniest man in this
section, and all my friends advise me
to give the world a chGnce to laugh at
my expense, and as I'm OF a generous
and extravagant disposition, I've de-
cided to do as they say. / shall not
only furnish laughing material free,
but will pay the postage, which amounts
to something like two cents a week. A
man who would kick at this offer don't
want to laugh and ought to go off by
himself and read Bill Nye's jokes or Tai
mage's sermons.
was standing in front of the post
Office the other day talking politics
with Col. Dan Simpson, when, in the
heat of passion, he exclaim, I'm a
Democrat"
I looked at him a minute from the
top of his tile hat to the point of his
V shaped shoes. and in my most sar-
castle tone asked, what kinda"
The crowd roared. Uncle Sam
Sawyer, the postmaster, laughed so
loud he sprained three ribs. After the
crowd dispersed I gathered up nearly
a hat full of vest buttons. A street
urchin who assisted me in the button
gathering said that joke was certainly
a button-burster. I didn't dare deny it,
even for modesty's sake, for I was then
picking up the evidence.
Onmy way home I met Frank Saund-
ers driving a<drove Of cattle to town,
and after passing the customary salu-
tations with him T said: Frank, Smith
died last night"
what Smith9" he said, stepping
into my trap as quickly as a church
deacon into the rear door of a blind
tiger"
John S NTH, / answered ~innocently
al / put spurs to my mule and rode on.
I suppose I had gone three or four hun
dred yards before the full force of my
joke struck Frank, and when I heard
a sixty or seventy pound guffaw in my
rear, / looked back and Frank was
sprawled out in the middle of the road
rolling over and over, laughing like he
would split his sides. As / rode out of
sight I noticed several of the COWS be-
ginning to smile.
Speaking of COWS reminds of a little
pun I got off on our Jersey heifer last
week. I went down to the barn to
milk her, and put the feed, which con-
sisted of wheat brand dampened with
water, into a new trough I had just
made. She hadn't supped from this
bright new receptacle before and was
a little shy about getting her nose in
it. She began shifting at the sides
when a pun too good to keep flashed
into my mind and / exclaimed: Eyes,
sookey, that trough is not only new,
but its brandt new. Sookey glanced
around at me with the most compass
sionate look in her face 7 ever noticed
on a COW, and as she hung her head to
eat that bran / saw two tears trickle
down her cheeks and drop heavily to
the ground. I believe some COWS are
like some people, they can't appreciate
humor-especially when it's wrapped
up and handed out in the shapeof puns.
I was sitting on the front piazza this
morning reading about our State Treas
urer refusing to pa would-be Judge
Jones the salary b claimed when one
of my neighbors who is a Democrat,
and was over to hear the news, re-
marked; II think he IS a pretty poor
treasurer"
"Not a bit of it," / replied. HE is
Worth over all the money in the treas
ury of North Carolina"
1t was some time in the aftern DON be,
fore my neighbor realized there was a
laugh in my reply, but when he did his
wife sent a servant over in haste to
have me come and relate some of my
sad experience to her husband and
counteract the laughter convulsing
effect of my witticism. Icouldn't think
of any personal experience just then
of a pathetic nature, and as I CHANGED
to have a copy of the Wilson Mirror,
I read him some of the editors funny
sayings, and had him in tears in less
than two paragraphs.
A book agent accosted me while /
was hoeing in the garden and said he
had a couple of works on water he
wanted to show me. This one," he
continued, opening a prospectus, treats
on water as a part OF the earth's forma-
tion-how much of the earth is water
L l--- = =.