The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1895-11-22
aLIMPsEs OF LIFE.


| Auc bc"i ANo"hVhs
In Henry county, this state, some
years ago young woman who was
suing her former sweetheart for breach
of promise was put ON the witness
stand, and the lawyers 40 usual began
making all sorts of inquisitive inter
rogatories. "You say" remarked one,
that the defendant frequently sat very
close to you. T" ''Yessir," was tho. re
ply, with hectic flush. How close?''
"Close enough SOS one cheer was all
the sittin' room we needed" "And
you say he put his arm around yonr
waist?" "No, didn't What did
you say, then?' 81 said he put both
arms aroun' me-. "Then what?''
HE Rugged me. Very hard?''
"Yep, he did. So hard that came
purity near hollerin' right out" "Why
didn't you holler?' Cause. I"
That's no answer. Be explicit:
please. Because what?" " cause /
was afeerd he'd stop. "--[Chicago Post.
Coin-Is it true that your cashier
has eloped with your daughter and a
large sum of money?
Bullion--It's quite true, but he's an
honest fellow, and means to repay me.
He has already returned my daughter.
= Philadelphia American.
He Had Graduated.
Mabel-You spoke of your fiance as
a graduate, but did not mention his
college.
Amy-He is graduate of the Keely
Institute.
A Disheartening Ratio.
He-Here is an Oriental monarch
with 1900 wives. What destiny is
that for woman!
She-Ah, yes. That is worse than
the seaside. Detroit Tribune.
GarrulQus Barber--And how would
you like your hair cut. sir?
New Customer-In perfect silence.
Il wonder,' said the man who had
been out for the evening, why some
bright women marry such insignificant
husbands?"
William she said admiringly,
"you are really too modest; you nearly
do yourself an injustice. - Washing
ton Star.
II will take some of this material
but will it wear well?' ''Oh it is in
destructible untearable everlasting
1t will wear till you pay for it"'
Mr.. Slopay This bill is outrageous.
You charge for ten visits and you at
tended me only five times during my
illness" DR.. Slocum--'' Yes; but you
forget my five visits in attempting to
collect my bill. - Philadelphia Rec
ord.
One night at a London theatre some
odds and ends Of scenery took fire, and
q very perceptible odor of burning
alarmed the spectators. A panic seemed
to be imminent. when an actor APP
peared on the stage. Ladies and
gentlemen he said, compose your
selves There is no danger-l give you
my word of honor there is no danger"
The audience did not seem treasured.
Ladies and gentlemen" continued
the comedian, rising to the necessities
of the occasion. "confound it all /; do
you think if there was any danger I'd
be here?" The panic collapsed. Bos-
ton Globe.
A party Of politicians in an uptown
resort III New York were discussing the
recent election in the hearing of an
Evening World representative, and
were dwelling with special interest on
the result in Kentucky. Il am re-
said one of the number, of
the election OF 1868. Ohio was strongly
for General Grant Kentucky as enthu
for Horatio Seymour. On
a local railroad train hot political
discussion occurred. A crank conven-
tion of Millerites had just been held in
.SFx Ia, ILL hoI k.aa,,
fixed for the following April 30. While
an excited Kentuckian was holding
forth in heated prediction Of Sey
mour's election a Milleritc at the end
of the car jumped to his feet and
shouted frantically: You're all mis-
taken! On March next the Lord will
be president of these United States.
I'm bet $500 to $3.50 he can't carry
Kentucky yelled the Kentuckian.
This ended the political discussion.