Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-09-19

|
My trousers are in creases;
l call on her to press my suit,
And find her scorn increases.
Life.
| Waiter-Will you have spinach to-
| day ST? Guest-Yes, but don't want
it so spunky as it was yesterday. Bring
ne some with no sand in it.-Boston
Transcript. sss.ss oa .sss ga
Banks-Let's go, Rivers. Four acts Of
| this is about all l can stand. Rivers
Let's sit it out, Banks. Seven of the
| characters are killed off in the next act.
Chicago Tribune.
| The Wife-You are fool! The Hus-
| band-I know it. Anybody but fool
| would have known enough to accept
your first rejection of my proposal as
| final!-Syracuse Post.
| Sub-editor-How is Pennington on
spelling, anyway? Editor--Well, he's
little too quaint for ordinary English,
and not quaint enough for dialect
Somerville Journal.
"What became of that trifiing fellow,
Tweedles? ooh, he went west and OPP
ened store'' Doing Well|' mo;
doing time He was caught in the
| act ''-Pittsburg Telegraph.
Small Margery had just been stuns
by wasp. II wouldn't a-minded it's
walking all over my hand" she said,
between her sobs, cliff it hadn't sat
down so hard. New York Evening
Sun.
care you very busy?' "No, sir.
| What can we do for you?" Il notice
that the advertisement on the window
says you have 10000 overcoats for sale.
Can [ try them Oh ?''-Fliegende Blaet-
| ter.
| Editors Wife-Who wrote this beau
| tiful article on How to Manage a
| Wife?'' Editor--Young CUTLER. Edi-
tors Wife-Why, didn't know he was
married. Editor-He isn't.-Philadel-
ph;a Record.
College Freshman-Don't you enjoy
the study of astronomy? High School
Girl-Oh, it's delightful! And l do
think the constellation Of O'Brien is
just too lovely for anything; don't you?
-Somerville Journal.
Biggs-I see Jiggs has been married.
| Suppose congratulations are in order!
| Miggs-Well, l don't know his bride,
so l can't congratulate him, and l do
know him, so l can't congratulate her.
New York Herald.
She read: "Let life be one grand, sweet
song
| And then like a first-class dolt,
She worried the neighbors all day long
BY practicing old ben Bolt"
Louisville Courier-J ournal.
Horse Dealer-You had better buy
| the horse. colonel You will never find
a healthier animal. Colonel Jones-I
believe it. If he hadn't been healthy
all his life he never would have lived
so g.-Tammany Times.
Biones Ito Brown, who is vigorously
tanning himself)-Hello, old man. Try
ing to keep cool? Brown-No; I'm trav-
cling through Greenland looking for
Peary. Haven't an extra sealskin about
you, have you ?-Pittsburg Dispatch.
Little Ethel horriied)-We've invit-
ed too many children to our tea party.
There isn't enough for them to get
more than bite each. Little Dot ire
signedly)-That's too bad. Well have
to can it a reception.-New York Jour-
I nal.
"You know that although a wealthy
man, | never drink, smoke, gamble or
| swear-that l am perfectly exemplary.
Then why do you refuse me!' You
| certainly could not ask me to become
the manager Of a freak!'-Harper's Ba-
Ear.
"Father," said the New Hampshire
| boy, Il want to go to town to see the
tally-ho parade Never mind the town
tally-ho, Ephraim,' said Farmer Grub
Der. well have home show. You
| hoe the corn and I'll keep tally."-Low-
] ell Courier.
Il wonder why Cupid is always rep
resented as a little boy. A boy couldn't
be such an unerring shot as Gu
! couldn't he? Say, did you ever have
a small boy and catapult get spite
] against one of your windows ?'-New
| York Recorder.
81 wish we were rich, John, and could
do something for the world" Mrs. B.
| remarked half devoutly, half impa-
/ tiently. But, my DEAR" he replied,
| 1--WE can do good in a quiet way now"
, yves: but no one will ever hear of it. !"
Chicago Times-Herald.
| II have been almost a hermit sigh
| ed the successful man. Now that my
! fortune is made. and have little time
| of my own, / find it impossible to get
: in touch with the world" you ought
to get bicycle suggested his friend.
-Indiaf apolis Journal