Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-12-05
THE J0KER'S BUDGET.
JEsTs AND YARNS ~ FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.

JEsTs AND YARNS ~ FUNNY
MEN or the PRESS.
erothesly Differences He Was Oh
tuss --It Mould Do -Wrons I'm
prsssIons- Etc.. Etc.
BRoTHKRLY DIFFERENCES.
'The brothers don't speak to each other
BOW, you say?"
"What is the trouble between themG"
They've each joined different
church,"
HE WAS oBTUsE.
A.--When see You l always think of
the proverb, "To whom God gives an
Office he gives an understanding"
B-But have no Office.
| A.-Well, don't you see how that fts
| II WOULD DO.
'Tve bought bulldog" said Parsniff
| to his friend Lessup, land want motto
to put over his kennel Can you think OF
somethingY"
why not use dentists sign, Teeth
inserted here ~
| WRONG IMPRESSIONS
Lady Guest-I felt certain there was
man in the house last night. Wasn't
that strange fancy?
Hostess-Oh, our cook is . new
woman, youknow.
CHANGED CONDITION..
! She-Do you men still pursue the even
tenor of your way?
| He--No; we are content to pursue the
even flyer now, if we think you have it to
lend.
~, NO OFFICE FOR HIM.
Weary Watkins--E think OF gittin'
into the porehouse?
Hungry Higgins--Me? No. ! don't
want TO become no public office holder.
You won't find me askin' nothin' Of the
country as long as l kin git my own
livin'.
He-Miss Reeder is very bright girl.
She--Yes, when she reflects.
STUDIES IN GENEALoGY.
Willie sat behind his grandmother,
making sketch of the old lady.
"What are you doing, Willie ?" asked
his mamma.
| ooh, Pm only tracing my ancestors
back" replied the hopeful.
WHERE BIG SLEEVES WE'RE NECESSARY.
Papa" said little Johnny, eagerly, II
saw the latest woman today"
GLOW much did she weigh y
II don't know she wasn't in mu-
scum. But she was so fat she filled her
sleeves up tight"
TAKEN AT HIS WORD.
"Great Scott !" howled the boss, "does
| it take you four hours to carry n message
| three squares and return!"
why" said the new office boy, ''you
told me to see how long it would take me
to go there and back, and done it."
| A FEARFUL ACCIDENT.
Scott--It was fearful accident that
happened to young Downey at Mrs. La
zenby's reception.
Marlboro was the trouble?
Scott--He tried to sing ''Go to Sleep
with a stand-up collar on. In the middle
! of high note his larynx got wedged on
the top of the collar, and there he was
blowing off an upper G like steam
| launch.
SHAMELESS MALICE.
First AUTHORITATIVE you heard that our
chum, Smithers, has married?
Second Authorizes; he wanted to
double his circle of readers.
SHE NEEDED HELP.
")o you think you can read my
mind?" asked the youth
Not unless some one discovers it for
me-" was her answer.
| AN EXPERIENCED HUSBAND.
Mr. Blinks-I wish to get some hairpins
for my wife.
Great Merchant This is wholesale
house, sir.
| MIR. Blnks-Of course. You don't
suppose Pm fool enough to go on buying
hairpins at retail, do you? want a bar
rel.
| MISLEADING ACTIONS.
..You would never imagine Spooncr
| AMI Miss Dashabout TO be in love with
each other. would your"
mo; they act as if they were rela-
tons"
| SOMETHING IN A NAME.
IL wish you would give me name for
| n new brand of butter" said a dairyman
to customer.
"Certainly,' answered the customer.
IF it is like the last you sent me, would
suggest Sampson.
| THAT WAS DIFFERENT.
Wife-Say, dear, why don't you pay
the bill the doctor sent around? He has
called for it two or three times.
Observation-Disclosures all right lie can
afford TO wait
Wife-Well, you didn't seem to think
he could that night you we're sick.
HER PRIVILEGE ASSERTED.
"What is the use OF talking about going
TO the theater when you know 1t Is too
late 2" asked Mr.. Bimberg, petulantly.
well, can't have the satisfaction OF
wanting to go?' retorted his wife.
THOUGHTFUL WIFE.
Mr.. Blnks-It's very kind of you,
Maria, but I'd rather buy my cigars my
self. Seven for shilling is rather too
chean.