Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1895-06-27
solicltous glance

again draw upon me the solicltous glance
Of tine beautiful maiden.
"In the evening invented for myself
the most marvellous heroic deeds where
with would fain have aroused her as
constituent and compelled her admira
ton. Anything else I neither desired
nor expected. The unconscious dawn OF
love in the heart Of youth belongs with
it's peculiarities only to pure childhood.
"The young heart is foolishly happy in
sacrifice, quietly content and blindly
conceited and vain. 1t cannot yet love,
it needs but to be loved and admired tc
bestow happiness is not its object, and
the only joy it knows is a blissful un.
rest its only need, to receive love with,
out bestowing it. In after years one
gives without receiving and is very well
off with that So everything in the
world is arranged in the best manner,
where there are people who find their
joy in giving, and others who are hap
piest in receiving.
"But how short and sweet is the one
time when one gives and receives, when
one loves and is beloved I have known
it, but she who then made me SO mex
possibly happy has now left me. How
beautiful was the world when I saw it
with her; how blue the heaven; how
soft the air We fastened, hand in hand,
from place to place, and wherever we
went, laughingly joy stepped forth to
greet us, begging us to linger. We went
laughing, singing, rejoicing along, as
sured Of our good fortune everywhere.
Sometimes our riotous delight, over
stepping all bounds, startled sober peo-
pie. But the stern glance softened when
it rested upon us: They are young
Let them enjoy themselves, said the
old, and went along sorrowfully smil-
ing. She chung SO tightly to my arm,
she nestled SO closely to my side, that
thought could never lose her. The
idea Of a possible change never came to
me, never troubled me. Thus lived q
long time. Weeks, months, years flew
by, and I needed them not
"One evening, after we had spent the
day yet more madly and merrily than
usual, she suddenly appeared to me dis
contented and cold. A terrible fear
which I am not able to describe fell
upon me. An icy GOODNESS crept over me-
She will leave you, said to myself,
certainly, surely, she will leave you.
1t occurred to me how little I had really
concerned myself about her, how per-
haps had expected too much Of her truth
and constancy. For the first time felt
my trust in myself and in her waver,
and anxiously gazed into her eyes.
But her glance turned YEARLY from me
and gave me no answer.
"My rest was gone, my life no more
the same. 1t is true she still pressed me
impetuously to her bosom again and
again, but the sweetness Of her kiss had
vanished Often she pushed me coldly
away, and saw to my unutterable sor-
row that my love wearied her. And
when I once at later hour returned
home, tired and detected, found the
room dark, cold and empty. She, my
joy, my light, my all, had vanished.
CHOW began miserable existence for
me. The loss that I had suffered gnawed
at my heart, but my care was to conceal
this loss from the world. I endeavored
to show cheerful, happy countenance
I sought the society Of gay young peo-
pie. I bestowed great and hitherto I'M
known and ridiculed care upon my per-
son and toilet. My enemies said of me
that had for long time rouged in Or
der to hide the paleness of my cheeks.
That is not true, but may as we'll con-,
fess that I bought little flask Of newly
invented tincture that was to restore the
color Of youth to my whitening hair.
"This hypocritical farce did not long
continue. I was soon tired Of the strife,
and today the opinion Of the world trou-
bles me no more know that my dar-
ling has left me; that nothing will
bring her back, and every one who knows
me may perceive and recognize in my ap-
pearance the loss which suffered. But
ever lament the lost one She is want
ing everywhere Nothing, nothing can
take her place to me, and I would will
ingly give~everything I possess and ev-
cry Joy and happiness that is prepared
for me to once again call her mine, to
once more live through that beautiful,
feeting time, during which alone was
happy"
CASTOR ceased, and stared fixedly into
the dying fire, and fell to the characteris-
tic, slow rubbing Of his emaciated hands.
"What is the name Of this wonderful
being?" asked the countess.
MY youth, !" answered CASTOR, with
ont turning his eyes from the fire.
From the German For Short Stories.