The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-02-08
A CARD FOR BORES.

! "A OhlCn Il OlC DOlCLOs
know this story is true, for Johnston
told 1t to me himself, and he has not i'm
lagination enough to invent an untruth.
| That is the reason why he failed both as a
| journalist and a politician and has now
become writer of thoughtful and didac-
tic novels 1t is a pursuit for which he is
admirably fitted, and he naturally feels
proud that he is producing books which
are literature" and not books which only
amuse and interest the reader.
! We had been speaking of the passion of
| the Americans for economizing time, and
mentioned that Americans frequently car
~ in their pockets cards bearing senten-
tious inscriptions designed for the rcproof
| and instruction of bores and other MASTERS
| of other peoples time.
Johnston smiled grimly and said: Il
know all about that. A friend Of mine
who had been in Chicago brought me a
| specimen'card, with the words, i am deaf
and dumb, printed on it. lie told me that
if you should attempt to enter into con-
versation with a fellow passenger in a
Chicago tram he would probably present
you with the card in question as a deli
cate hint that he wanted to be left In
peace.
I am going down to Warwickshire to-
morrow l said," continued Johnston,
Ito spend few days with Scoble, and
| I'll take this card with me. If some one
insists on talking to me when 1 am
reading my paper, I'll try what handing
him tie card will do. Those Americans
are always inventing clever things, and
| thought that this system of checking con-
vcrsation might prove to be just the thing
to satisfy great public want
You remember ScobIe no doubt. Good
hearted old chap; little dull and tire
some perhaps, but honest and sincere rs a
man can be. By the way, why is it that
| when you say that man is honest and sim
| cere you always mean that he is rather
tiresome? It's like saying of girl that
she is u person of the most admirable
| character. When a man says that, you
know that the girl must be painfully ugly,
| However, that hasn't anything to do with
my trip to Warwickshire.
~ took the train Mt Euston, travelling
second class, for in those days the third
! class carriages were wholly given up to
third class people. There was nobody in
my compartment, and for moment
hesitated about getting into it lest some
|
man should take the same compartment
| and bring upon me those varied dangers
| of which nervous traveller is always
| thinking Sure enough, just as we were
about to start, woman, who had very
nearly missed the train, got in with the
help of the guard, for the train was al
ready slowly moving. 1t was, of course,
too late for mo to think of changing my
carriage, and 1 therefore buried myself in
my newspaper and tried to think that all
would go well.
My fellow passenger was fine look
| ing woman of about 80. The heat of the
| day and tho excitement of catching the
train had given her florid color, and ]
could see that the desire of condemning
| the weather and exposing the wickedness
| of cabmen was strong within her, When
| o woman is travelling and something goes
| wrong with her, she feels an imperative
| necessity of confiding her grievance to the
| first available person, no matter who that
| person may be. l SAW that this woman
was on the point Of speaking to me, and
| not knowing who she was or what her in
| tentions might be was frightened. know
very well that / am absurdly nervous
when shut up with a strange woman, but
| can't help it. The companies ought to
| put ON carriages for men only or else pro-
vide trustworthy companions for unpro-
| tected male passengers.
| Presently the woman caught my eye
and said: 1 beg your pardon, but will you
tell me the exact timer My cabman must
have taken full hour to drive from South
| Kensington TO Euston square, and Pm
perfectly sure he must have been drunk
and taken the wrong road. Cabmen are
such nuisance, and there is no redress,
| you know. As for driving to police sta
ton, no lady likes to do that, and even
when she does it's very little satisfaction
she gets. Only the other day friend OF
| mine
| But hero / handed the woman the
| Chicago card which had received the day
before
She read it, and then said: ooh, in
deed! So sorry. Pray excuse me-, and
then relapsed into silence, while resumed
my newspaper and congratulated myself
on the efficacy of the American plan of
dealing with railway bores.
1T Is true that my conscience did give
me an occasional twinge for the distinc-
ton between telling lie and handing q
person a ready made lie printed on card
was not very perceptible. l asked myself
whether in giving the woman a card with
the words I am deaf and dumb had not
been guilty of lying rs certainly as ]
should have been if had told her the
same thing in SO many words. However,
was so rejoiced at getting rid of my fell
| low passengers opportunities that l de-
cided to postpone all examination into the
moral qualities of my act until arriving at
the end of my journey.
| LAT Willesden Junction another passen-
ger got in. This time it was young lady
| who was evidently expected by the elder
lady, for the latter had filled the entire
carriage window with her buxom form
and waved n frantic handkerchief from
the moment the train drew up at the sta
ton. The two ladies kissed each other
| after the manner of their sex and imme-
diutaly engaged in earnest conversation.
At first the younger lady spoke in rather
| low tone of voice, SO as to avoid making
me listener to the conversation, but the
other remarked in a low tone: oh, you
needn't mind that man. He's stone deaf
| and dumb besides, so we can talk just as
| if we were at home together The new
conner looked rather curiously at me, and
then the two begaA to discuss family af-
fairs.
| THE train was not to stop before reach
ing Rugby. Already the two women had
spoken of things which they would never
have mentioned in the presence of a stran-
ger whom they imagined to be capable OF
hearing them. What they would next say
in their fancied security no one could fore
Sec found myself an involuntary caves
dropper, without the possibility of with,
drawing from the painful situation. If
were to warn the ladies that could hear
perfectly well everything that they were
saying, what would they think of my con-
duct In carrying about with me the false
statement that 1 was deaf and dumb
They would undoubtedly take me either
for an unusual kind of lunatic or fol
some new kind of criminal, and in either
case l should be in terrible predicament
And then the newcomer was SO pretty, sc
gentle. and such thoroughly nice girl In