The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-12-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

lain. Puck.
''I will take some of this material
but will it wear well?" ooh it is in
destructible-- tearable-eyerlastin
1T will wear till you pay for it !"
Sometimes when you think your
neighbor is enjoying himself because
he annoys you, he really annoys you
because he is enjoying himself
Puck.
Bellefeld-"The Fayes comet is
said to be very faint" Bloomfield
"You would be faint, too, if you had
travelled as far. "-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
"'This is hard world" murmured
the young man. eyes," replied she;
zone doesn't realize how hard it is
till one falls off bicycle once or
twice. Washington Star.
"I'm welded to art; that, alone. in my heart
Is the passage that always survives"
"1ts pity, she sighed, "but il can't be de-
That some husbands are bad to their
wives"
Washington Star.
"And so you have started in to es-
tablish magazine?" Eyes" replied
Mr.. Bullions. "Do you write for it?"
"You bet do. ] write about seven
teen pages a week for it in my check
book"
Customer-"Waiter Just look at
this spoon; it's dirty. Somebody has
been drinking chocolate with it, and
it hasn't been washed" Waiter with
emphasis) -"rhat, sir, is not choco-
late it's verdigris. "-Pick-Me-Up.
Blobbs-"What nonsense it is for
the newspapers, in their accounts of
weddings, to describe the bride being
led to the altar" Slobbs-"How sof"
Blobbs-"Well, most girls would find
their way in the dark. "-Philadelphia
Record.
Mr.. Slopay-"This bill is outrag-
eous. You charge for ten visits and
you attended me only five times dur
ing my Illness" DIR. Slocum-"Yes
but you forget my five visits in at
tempting to collect my bill. "-Phila-
delphia Record.
Brown latter visiting a sick friend)
-"Poor fellow Did you notice that
he was slightly delirious?" Jones
"No; l didn't. He seemed to rue to
be quite rational. Brown-"Oh, mol
Didn't you hear him say he knew just
how he got the cold. Puck.
The Editors Little B y-"Pop says
there was donation 4rty mp at your
house last night; what's that?" The
Minister'S Little Boy-"Why, that's
when folks come to your house and
bring pie and cake, and eat it all up,
and then go home again PUCK
She-'I understand Mr.. Kinks is
quite literary" He--"Not that
ever heard Of. She-"Why, some =
one told me he wrote for the maga-S
zines regularly" He-"Of course he
does. He's our newsdealer and sup
plies the trade. Detroit Free Press.
'T'm going to give up my place at
this restaurant" said Broadway
waiter, with look of disgust on his
face. "Why?" "Why? Why, be-
cause they insist on my eating mush-
rooms before the customers to show
them they're not toadstools. Toledo
Bee.
81 have half notion to end my
existence" said the detected youth.
II have nothing on earth to live for. y"
"Better wait a while" said the Cum
mIngsville sage. ''After you get to be
a few years older you won't want any
thing to live for. Just living will be
considerable satisfaction, '-Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
Reuben" inquired Mr. Upiohn,
sharply, 'if the gate had been closed
all night, as you say it was, how do
you suppose that pig got into the
stable yard? 1t could not have climbed
through the fence" '1 guess it must
have crept through crack, sir, " an
swered Reuben, the coachmon, with
dignity. Chicago Tribune.
Teacher-" "Polly, dear, suppose
were to shoot at tree with five birds
on it and killed three, how many
would be left?" Polly (aged sikh
"Three, please" Teacher-"No; two
would be left" Polly--''No, there
wouldn't. The three shot would be
left, and the other two would be flied
away."-Philadelphia American.
"How is business, John?" asked
Uncle Allen Sparks, as tho Chinese
laundryman handed him his washing,
"Not yelly good, answered the China
man, "By the way, John" mused
Uncle Allen, feeling in his pocket for
the change wherewith to pay the eel
estial, "what Is your name?" "Name
Chin Chin" "Drop laundrying and
try the auctioneer business, John. -
Chicago Tribune.
'rhere's no use in trying to get
away from the solemn fact" said the
dreamy-eyed young man. "Ihe new
woman Is a most practical aud unsoul.
full creature. "What make YOU
think SOP" II told Miss Bogleigh
that she had inspired some of my best
poems "What did she say TO thatg"
Nothing. She wrote 10 my pub
fishers for a percentage % the royal
ties. "--Washington Star,