The Opelousas courier., 1895-01-12

honestly DIS any
other. Perhaps / am mistaken, but I
certainly have raised it to a much
higher level than it was when first l
selected hat means of livelihood.
My motto: Honesty Is the Best
Police-See," is neatly engraved on all
my professional tools and my title OF
THE Honest Burglar" will go on my
tombstone in due time, and when my
strictly honorable exploits can be
safely mentioned with pride by my
relatives and friends.
/ always make a point of seeking a
focman worthy Of my steal. Never do
! enter a house-no matter what in.
ducements its contents may offer
which has not the very latest scientific
burglar projections. Ordinary locks
and bolts I positively refuse to attack,
and carelessly left open doors and
windows l disdain to make use of. /
leave those tidbits for dishonest bur-
glars who have not the professional
pride that find so heightened and
profitable and SO encouraging to ones
self-respect.
Now that I have properly introduced
my honest self I'll tell a story.
A wealthy chap who had made his
millions in a way l despise had erected
a grand mansion with all tine finest
electrical burglar alarms known to
date. Every door and window was
doubly protected SO the slightest touch
after the wires were set would jangle
numberless. bells and turn on
the lighted gas all over the house in a
brilliant illumination. In addition to
all that %melodious display there were
tell-tale steps on each staircase and
tempting bits of silverware, connected
with wires to the main battery, left in
plain sight by the safe in the dining
room.
All these imposing preparations, so
expensive and troublesome for their
owner, gave to me a glorious delight,
and | looked forward to attacking
them with all a small boys Fourth Of
July enthusiasm.
At last the battle night came, and
with it M. William Mummer, my ac-
tive partner in the business.
Mr.. hummer was highly respected
in the profession. Like myself, he
never stopped to conquer, and was
equally noted for his ~gentlemanly ways
and sturdy honesty.
Only once in his busy life was he
ever taken in and done for, and I
couldn't blame him a bit, either.
You see, he was making a profess
sional call on a rich bachelor, and
while putting things away in the
handsome room he was painfully SUR
prised by the sudden arrival Of his
host with some gentlemen friends.
Not willing to seem intrusive, Mr..
hummer quietly slipped under the
bed to await an opportunity for de-
parting pleasantly,
From his snug retreat Mr.. Mummer
heheld six well-polished boots spread
themselves comfortably on the Turkish
rug, evidently in shape to stay awhile,
despite Williams anxiety to catch the
train for home.
Soon the jolly gentlemen lighted
cigars and commenced telling funny
stories, ending each one with a chorus
of hearty laughter.
William, who understood the proper
etiquette of not mixing in where he
wasn't wanted. kept a becoming ST.
lence until a ~funnier story than usual
was told, and then, after an agonizing
struggle to choke down his ~unfortu-
nat mirth. ne exploded with a tre-
mendous .shaw haw : haw.'' which
frightened the gentlemen shamefully.
It is needless to say that Mr.. Mum
mer had ample time afterward to en-
JOY the joke while taking a little va
cation from business in the state
laundry.
But he oon recovered my respect
his sterling qualities by a trick he
played when cornered in a fashionable
boarding house one night.
While the landlady was ringing the
big Bell and the alarmed boarders
were searching for him with guns,
M. Mummer entered a deserted room
= promptly went to bed with his
boots on. There. with the blankets
tightly tucked under his Handsome
eaan, ias lay yelHaG Is loud Is the