The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-07-30

Princess.
Mr.. Naftzgers ..hot stuff comes from
the crucible. in which alembic, he says,
shall be blended an amalsam consisting
of Is parts silver and one part gold: this
10 be re-christened lone dollar" by the
government and told to float, conduct it.
self decentiy, get into as many tracing ex-
petitions as possible. raise itself by its
bootstraps 10 the dignity OF dollar when
occasion requires. palm itself on for a
dollar in every instance, and at last 10
trade itself outright for one and come
home.
If farmer. without a crucible. should
mix together 10 parts potatoes and one
part wheat and term il one bushel OF
wheat, his neighbor, if called upon for
trade, would scarcely need the aid OF
separator 20 hit OF the value or his
bushel He would likely give the basket
a couple Of shakes with his foot. roll
the potatoes off on the ground, set the
basket back on the scales and express
his willingness TO come TO an accomoda-
ton. But if he put together IS parts no
grade" wheat and I part No. hard he
would have 10 send IL 20 Chicago 10 have
it taken apart or else accept no grade"
for his bushel
But 10 be exactly fair IL is doubtless
Mr.. Naftgers idea TO have II previously
understood that Uncle sam give gratis
lesalz;ns incarnation. pronounciamento
seal, stamp and benediction on the mix
ture before ii leaves home.
But this would be so much after the
fashion of that great historical parsonage
Sir Peter. by an obscure and lowly author.
that. finding the types wondrously ap-
posite and applicable. we kindly consent
TO reproduce the general tenor. though
we could not stoop 10 the exact form.
Sir Peter, dining one day a. an alder
mans, observed with greatly infiamed
vanity his host expatiatinG upon his hne
sirloin Of beef
Beef" (gold) said the alderman, is the
king of meat; beef comprehends in II the
quintessence Of partridge, and quail, and
venison, pheasant, plum-pudding and Gus
tard." When Sir Peter came home he
must needs take the fancy OF cooking up
this doctrine into use. and apply the pre-
cept in default of sirloin itself 10 his
own brown loaf.
Bread" (silver) says he dear chill
dren, is the staff OF life, IN which bread -
contained the quintessence OF Deef. NUT
ton. veal, venison, partridge, plum-pud-
ding and custard, and TO render all COM
plete there is intermingled due quantity
of water, whose crudities are also cor
rected by yeast. government fat through
which means IL is leavened and equally
Upon the strength of these conclusions
next day at dinner the brown loaf was
served up in all the tormality of a city
feast. ''Come, sons" said Sir Peter. |
fall to, and spare not; here is excellent
good mutton; or hold. now my hand is in
I'll help you" At which word, in much |
ceremony, with fork and knife he carves
out two good slices Of the loaf and pre- |
sents each on a plate TO his sons. The /,
al - IL wfY,rrt
into Sir Peters conceit, began with very |
civil language TO enter into the mystery.
MY lord" said he. "a doubt with great |
submission there may be some mistake"
What" says Sir Peter. " you are pleas |
ant: come then, let US hear this jest your |
head is big with" None in the world, |
my lord. but unless I am very much de- |
ceived. you were pleased a while ago 10 /
let fall a word about mutton. and I would |
be glad 10 see it with all my heart"
How" said Sir Peter, appearing greatly |
surprised, II do not comprehend this at |
all?" Upon which the other son, inter- |
posing to set the business right. MY !
lord said he. my brother, I suppose, IS |
hungry, and longs for the mutton your
lordship promised US for dinner"
pray" said Sir Peter "either you are
both mad or disposed 10 be merrier than
approve of; If you there do not like your
piece 1 will carve you another, though I
should take that TO be the choice bit of
the whole shoulder"
what, then. my lord" replied the first.
1T seems this is shoulder Of mutton all
the while?" Pray, SIR says Sir Peter.
''eat your victuals and leave off your i'm
pertinence, If you please. for 1 am not
disposed 10 relish it at present" But the
elder could not forbear. being over-pro-
voked at the seriousness of Peters coun-
tenance. MY lord he put in, 81 can
only say that to my eyes and fingers. and
teeth, and nose IT seems TO be nothing but
a crust OF bread" Upon which the second
put in his word: 81 never saw a piece OF
mutton in my life so nearly resembling
a slice from a five-cent Loaf Look
here" cries Sir Peter. in a rage, ito con-
vince you what a couple of blind. positive.
ignorant, willful puppies you are. 1 will
use but this plain argument; by God,
tfiaO il is true. good natural mutton
(money) as any in the market, and God
you both externally II you offer
TO believe otherwise"
Such laundering proof as this left no
further room for dispute. and the two
urbelievers began to gather and pocket
their mistake as hastily as they could.
Why truly said the first, upon more
mature consideration, ''-"Ay." says the
other. interrupting him, now I have
thought better on the thing. your lordship
seems 10 have a good deal OF reason"
Very we'll" says Sir Peter. Here. boy.
MI me beer glass OF claret. here's to
You both. with al my heart
The two sons, much delighted 10 see
him at last appeased, returned their most
humble thanks and said they would be
glad 10 take glass OF claret TO please
his lordship. That you shall" said Sir
Peter; wine moderately taken IS a cor
dial Here Is a glass apiece for you; IL /
IS the true natural Juice, and more OF (
your damned winners brewings." Then
he presented 20 each another large slice I
of the loaf, bidding them drink 81 or. and
hot 70 Be bashful, for Il would do them no
hurt. The two sons. after staring A SUI
icient period az sir Peter and each other. :
and finding how matters were Ike 20 90. .
resolved not 70 enter On a new dispute.
but let him carry the point as he pleased.
Tor he was now got into one of hrs mad
It's. and % argue or expostulate further ,
would only serve 10 render him an hua- ,
ired-fol1 more untractable
And there is no good reason why Uncle /
sam, II he pleases 70 serve the si!rsrites
With mony after their choice. should stop
- nfty-cent dollar: especially since he
s 50 partial 20 a pure article OF claret,
2 TIE way OF revenue. for himself. and !
night just as well. Il overly pes,ere4
bout the matter. tell them aa;ly TIA; !
g true. good. notUral money /.
s any ia the world. and hid God coz )
Quad them ete-nzny that offered 20 be-
eve otherwise. Z. .. GILBERT /.
PURLOIyEO PLUHAGE