davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

"THEsE times" said Meandering
Mike, is the mos discouragin' 1
ever seed"
&" Whut's the matter ?" asked
Plodding Pete.
Every place I stops an asks fur
work they offer me some."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

SHOP Assistant" Really, mad
anne, that white feather in your hat
makes you look ten years younger"
Old Maid" Is that so? Then give
me another one ?o
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

TOMMY" Yes, cats can see in
the dark, and so can Ethel 'cause
when Mr.. Wright walked into the
parlor when she was sittin' all alone
in the dark, heard her say to him,
Why, Arthur, you didn't get
shaved to-day"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

{" Do you think, dear, that absence
makes the heart grow fonder ?"
L" Perhaps 1t does, love-" replied the
maiden. "You may remain away
one whole evening, and let us test
If -
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

Ny dear sir, don't you see I've
been preaching to congregation of
jackasses. "Oh, / see! wondered
why you kept on calling 'em be-
loved brethren"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

SYMPATHETIC.-Tr i beg
pardon for annoying you, madam,
but | really haven't had q bite to-
day.
Madam: That's queer. / don't
see how you could have escaped, for
Towscr's been running loose all the
morning.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

"YoUNG man." said the sage, eff
q man wishes to succeed in life he
must not be afraid to put his hand to
the plow."
cpd be willing to put half a
dozen hands to the plow," sighed the
young man, "if l only had farm
to put them On.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

FLOSSTE is elk years DID,
" Mamma" she called one day, eff
/ get married will have to have a
husband like pa ?" EYES," replied
the mother, with an amused smile.
And if | don't get married will
have to be an old maid like Aunt
Kate 2" eyes" Mammal
ter pause" it's a tough world for
us women, amt it 2"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

THE Scotch have saying: Who
cheats me once, shame befall him
if ne cheats me twice shame befall
meD
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.

WE are now prepared to do TIN
" WORK Of all kinds. Nothing
but lirst-class meterial used. Satisfac-
tlon guaranteed. Give us a trial and
bc convinced that we mean what we
say. ROOFING and SCOUTING a
speciality. Shop in the rear of Law &
llandley's.
MCCLEARY & DARNEIL,
Aug. 25-ly. Lewisburg, w. Va.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

ADVERSELY is the trial Of princi-
pie; without it man hardly knows
whether he is an honest man.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

IT Is said that an undertaken in
Kansas City advertises, "YOu kick
the bucket; we do the rest"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

WHEN once home is regarded by
the young as only a place to eat and
and sleep in, downward career is
bapup
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

WHAT'S YOUR MONTH p An old
astrological prediction gives the
character of a girl according 10 the
month she was born i'm as follows:
If girl is born in January, she
will be n prudent housewife, given to
melancholy, but fond Of fine clothes
if in February, an affectionate wife
and tender mother, and devoted to
dress if March, a frivolous chatter
box, somewhat given to quarrelling,
and conn0isseur in gowns and bon
nets; il in April, inconstant, not
very intelligent, but likely to be
goOd-lOoking and studious of fashion
plates if in May, handsome, amia
BILE, and given to style i'm dress if ir
June, impetuous, will marry early
be frivolous, and like dressy clothes
if in July, possibly handsome, anC
a penchant for gay attire; if il
August, amiable and practical, likely
to marry rich and dress strikingly
if in September, discreet, affable
much liked, and fashiOnabl,
dresser in October, pretty coquett
ish, and devoted to attractive garni
ture 4; if in November, liberal, kind
of mild disposition, and an admire
Ofstylish dress in December, we'll
prOpOrtioned, fond of novelty, OK
travagant, and a student of dress,
! effects.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

WILLING TO BE LINED" Good
morning, Uncle. You don't look as
if you were feeling first-class this
morning"
Reckon man wha' done got de
shakes hain't never feelin' lax dey's
much sunshine in de wOrP."
"GOt the shakes, eh? Well,
cheer up, old man. Every cloud
must have its silver lining"
T'anke, sab! (Holding out his
hat.) Ef yo'll JUS drop de Necessary
sillcr in yer fo' ter git de linin,' I'll
trot down ter de 'pottercarys an
pour in de whiskey an quinine sc
quick dat ef yo' come up wild me
ergin befo' shotely yo'll flatter yo's
ef yO'ar a prOfick."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

Do THE NEXT Don't
live single hour of your life with
out doing exactly what is to be done
init, and going through it from begin
ming to end. Work, play, study,
whatever it is, take hold at once and
finish it up squarely; then to the
next thing, without letting any mo-
ments drop between. 1t is wonder
ful to see how many hours these
prompt people contrive to make of
a day. 1t is as if they picked up the
moments the dawdlers lost. And il
you ever find yourself where you
so many things pressing upon you find
that you hardly know where to be-
gin, let me tell you secret: Take
hold Of the very one that comes tc
hand and you will find the rest will
all fall into line and follow after like
"A company of well-drilled soldiers
and, though work may be hard tC
meet when 1t charges in a squad, il
is easily vanquished if you can bring
it into line.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

ORATOR: My friends, the time is
coming when we shall own the rail-
roads.
Everybody: HoOray!
We will own the mills and the
mines there will be no more pow
erty; there will be no plutocrats-
Hip, hip! Hi! Hi!
No, my friends, there will be no
more soft-handed plutocrats-
Good! Bully for you!
For every man will have to work
three hours day.
Rats! Put him out ! Knock the
traitor in the head! Kick the stufiin'
out of him
SLIGHTLY FOGETFUL.---"M My,
my !" exclaimed Mr.. Shadmind, be.
moaning the loss, through rash in
vestment, of all his ready capital
All that my industry had saved fol
time of need swept away in an in
stant If / was to be taken away
what would become of our dear chill
dren?"
Why, my love-" returned hi
wife, "we have no children"
" All, true; had forgotten that
They are to be congratulated on thei
narrow escape"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

WEAR smile. 1t is cooler in
summer and warmer in winter than
a frOWn.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

UNKNOWN TO HER BILL OF
FARE" Why, Aunt Mary, you
surprise me when you say you don't
like 'pOssum. You're the first one
Of your race that | ever heard eX-
press a distaste for that. What rea-
son have you for not liking ?"
"Coz it's too rich, sah."
You like 'coon, / suppose ?"
Nav, sab dat's too rich,
too"
care you fond of har'"
"Iassir. Dat 'grees wild me
nightly, 'coZ dat amt SO rich
sah."
Well, from your aversion to
rich things, l imagine you would
not like Vanderbilt"
Hain't sayin' nuthin' erbout
dat, sab, 'COz | dunno whut sort
animal dat am"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

SHE-And you say that DIR. Turner
is particular friend Of yours? lie
Rather! Why, he made me a
baronet. She-HOw is that? He
BY killing off my uncle and cousin,
to be sure.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

a NATURAL CONCLUSION.-Yo
say that Clubber went home in his
carriage?
Yes.
Then why do you assume that he
went home against his will?
Because he was "driVen to it,"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

WEAKNESS on both sides is, as we
know, the trait Of all quarrels.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09
Lewisburg Hotel
STRATTON & SON,
PROPRIETORS.

WELL furnished rooms, attentive
w servants and a table supplied Will
The best the markets afford. Livery
attached. Good Rigs, safe Horses and
Vehicles. Special attention paid tc
boarding Horses. Reasonable rates.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

TIE CRUEL EDITOR.-Aspiring
Politician: You may belittle me as
you may now, hut the time will
come when you will regret it. Re-
member that some day l may go to
Washington.
Editor: That wouldn't surprise
me. I've seen you before now when
you couldn't be held responsible for
getting on the wrong train.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

n YOUNG doctor desiring to make
a good impression upon German
farmer, declared that he had re-
ceived double education. He had
studied homeopathy and was also
the graduate of a Irregular" medical
school. "Oh, dot was nodding,"
said the farmer, "I had vonce a
calf vOt sucked two cows, and he
made nodding but common schteer
after all ~
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09
Five Clever Stories.
SOME OF THEN TOO FUNNY, But
JUST FUNNY ENOUGH.

William Dean Howell's father,
who emigrated to Ohio half cen
tury and more ago, used this formula
to get rid of an instruSive visitor
who had worn out his welcome. He
would be called out on some busi-
ness, and would say to the guest:
81 suppose you will not be here
when | return, so | wish yau good
byew - This was not bad, except in
comparison with the superb strata
gem ascribed to Gerrit Smith in
such emergencies-as that he used to
say in his family prayer, after break
fast: May the Lord also bless
Brother Jones, who leaves us on the
ten o'clock train this morning"
A certain English commodore,
who had the misfortune to lose leg
in a shark encounter, was beSet
wherever he went with questioners,
eager to know how, when and where
he had met with his loss. He finally
invented an eXpedient for suppress
| ing his t0rmentOrs. He would prom
| iSe to answer them one question, but
ti0n invariably was: "How did
you lose your Lego" and the inva-
riable answer: "It was bit off,"
which of course, left his hearers
more curious than ever
At prayer-mccting in small
town near Syracuse recently, an il
literate but good man made the fol-
lowing prayer: go Lord, Thou
knOwest that we are thankful to
Thee that our souls are safe from the
fire that quencheth not. If man
lose his horse, Thou knOweSt that he
can buy another; if he lose his
house, Thou knowcst that he can
build another; if he lose his wife,
Thou kn0West that he can get an
! other but if he luSo his Soul-goOd'
bye, john"
Dunstable larks and the Whcat-eal
or English Ortolan, are dainties much
; esteemed by cpicures. a Scotch of,
ficer was once dining with Lore
George LcnnoX and was placed neal
dish of wheat-ears, which dimin
ished rapidly under his attentions
Lady IennOX tried to deliver his no
tice to another dish; but " Ma, ma
my leddy," was the reply, "thes,
wee brides will do vera wecl."
George Augustus Sala was once il
train which was "held up" b,
Carlists in Spain, and he overhear,
Spanish gentleman, who was over
come with fright, murmuring t
, himself: "To die so young, to leav
my wife and babes; oh, it is sad
and | haven't even had my break
fast"
GRANDMA-Now, Robbie, wha
; kind of pic do you like best? Rol
Y hin Il lnniI Imam iunt .rhnt .nnui
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

CONFINEMENT is natural wealth,
luxury is artificial poverty.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

a DESIRE to resist oppression Is
implanted In the nature of man.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

GRANDMA-Now, Robbie, what
kind of pic do you like best? Rob-
bie-I don't know just what you'd
call it but it's what takes whole
pie to make one piece.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09
NUMBER SO.

EVERY DAY mas its pleasures, and
how woman can care to be q day
younger than she is-can crave the
the admiration paid to twenty
when she should he enjoying the
homage due to forty, cannot con-
CieVe, observes Sarah Grand. The
buds are beautiful in the spring, and
there is beauty also in the full
blown foliage of summer; but are
either more admirable i'm their day
than is the exquisite autumn leaf?
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09
The Hurry Fever.

a headachy household is a bad
thing. A household seized with
grippe is worse. Measles, mumps,
and scarlet fever-all are family
Scourges in the home. But in the
aggregate more mischief is wrought
by the hurry fever than all the rest
combined.
This fever does not attack those
homes where the most is done, be-
cause it is impossible to accomplish
much without system, calm conf
dence, and good cheer foes, all of
them to hustle. The hurry fever is
rife in homes where they try to do
too much without thought or plan,
and especially without stopping to
consider how many of these things
are not worth doing at all.
We have all seen such households.
Hurry to breakfast. hurry to lunch.
hurry to supper, hurry to dinner.
Hurry to bed so as you may be up
early. Hurry to fix the furnace,
that you may hurry to fiji the tubs
that you may hurry to wash the
dress that you may hurry to go to
the party, Hurry up that we may
hurry down. Hurry in, because
we are in Il hurry to go out. Hurry
to finish this game, that we may
have time for one more. Hurry tc
have the walk, for you must hurry
off to church after supper. So the
frettul household hurries, with knit
brows, compressed lips, and tense
nerves from bustling morning tt
bustling evening.
1t would he fruitful experience
and shrewd test for almost any one
to see by actual count just how many
times in day he uses this fretfu
word hurry" and how many o.
these times he could have just a.
well avoided.
Nothing is gained by hurry. Tn,
attitude of mind it implies is preju
dical to wise planning or proper exc
cution. We have just SO much time
scheme to do what will fiji it II,
more, but, indeed. much less, leav
ing mauy half.hOurs for the unex
pected. The shrewd workman wei
understands tho paradox, Do no
do too much, and you can d
more" Danish the hurry feve
with the cooling diet of piece an
forethought and jollity. Then you
home will be a rare abode, only on
remove from heaven.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

GREAT dangers surround the man
whose life is aimless.
OUR time needs stronger souls.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-05-09

J. IL. STRATTON. JOS. ii. sTRATTON.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-04

City Carriage Co.. j. S. And
rade, manager. If you want a
hack with good horse and care
full driver ring up Telephone lib,
corner of Fort and Merchant
streets. Hack at all hours.
G.. r. Harrison, practical piano
and organ maker and tuner, cal
furnish best factory references.
Ordres left at Hawaiian News .Co.
will receive prompt attention. All
work guaranteed to be the same
as done in factory.
Bicyclers are likely to get cut,
scraped, sprained, bruised, or
some way hurt. No matter which,
an application OF Readings
Russia Salve will take away the
smart and pain, and cure the
trouble in hurry. Thousands
of wheelmen never 60 on the
road without it. Why should
youi 20 cents buys it Of any drug
gist Handy box for your peck ct.
HolIister DrNg Co., Agts.
THE BEST TREATMENT FOR CHo-
LERA-When promptly and pro-
perly treated 81 recovery is almost
certain. This WAS fully demon
strated during the prevalence of
Cholera in New York in 1866.
Go to bed as soon as the first
symptoms appear, remain rs quiet
as possible, and take Chamber
lain's Collie, Cholera and Diar-
rhea Remedy in double doses
until the pain ceases, and then
after each operation of the bowels
more than natural. Send for a
physician, but take this remedy
in this way until he arrives. The
remedy should be kept at hand
ready for instant use. 1t should
be taken within five minutes after
the first symptoms appear. Cham
berlain's Collie, Cholera and Diar-
rhea Remedy is the most success
full medicine that has yet been
produced, not only for the milder
forms of bowel complaint, but for
the most virulent forms of Asiatic
Cholera. For sale by BENSON
SMITH q CO. Hahn n
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-04

A large number of the leading
spirits Of the new Republic Of
Hawaii are men of American birth
or American descent, and there
has been recently organized among
them, amid much enthusiasm, n
Society of the Sons of the Amer
lean Revolution. Peter C. Jones
is president; Albert F. Judd,
Chief Justice of Hawaii, vice
president; John Effinger, secre-
tary; Professor William De Witt
Alexander, registrar, William j.
Forbes, treasurer of the society.
Upon the list of the private mem
bership appear number Of con-
spicuous names.
The Sons of the American Rev.
oluion in Hawaii take rank as a
State society, equal in privileges
and authority with each of the
State societies in the United
States. They have been formally
admitted to full membership this
week, after very careful examina-
ton of proofs of eligibility, at a
meeting of the Executive Commit
tee of the National society in
General Horace Porter's office.
Owing to the large number of men
of American stock in the Sand
wich Islands, and the affection
they bear for the fatherland, there
is every promise of a large and
energetic society,". Y. Tribune.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-04

Newspapers Jcaiousiy Guard their
Regulations Ror Accuracy

'"'''
"ep"''''""' '"' accuracy,
Unthinklng people sometimes
complain. SAYS the Burlington
Uawkeye, that newspapers are
unot accurate and reliable" in
giving the news. If the public
could only realize how much
nearer accurate and reliable is
the news as published than the
conflicting reports that come to
the editorial rooms TO be sfted
tested and toned down by re.
portcrs and editors, tnev would
give the paper moro credit than
thev do,
. II mpst he within tine eype-.
renee Of every intelligent reader
that verbal rumors which they
had beard We're materially chang.
ed and reduced in their inpoTt
whom nresented in the next issue
of the uoner
4 railroad accident is almost
invariably magnlfied 49, the rumor
passes from one person t. another,
but the discriminating newspaper
will probe for the facts and is
10th to give currency to exagger-
ated statements which it will be
necessary to retract or modify
next day
News is the goods which the
papers have on sale, and the
quality of the goods has much to
do with the popularity of the pa
per; consequently the successful
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-04

Seattle Beer is a mild and refresh
ing drink. 1t will create flesh
and generally improve the system.
On draught at Criterion. 4
Mechanics Home. corner Hotel
and Nuuanu streets, lodging by
day, week or month. Terms: rs
and 80 cents per night 81, and
$l.25 per week.
Maid of Hawaii, ere we part
Give me back, mol not my heart,
But that shining diamond ring,
Bracelet, eardrop, everything
That bought and gave to you,
When our summer love was new.
Give them back, and will ilit
Find another whom they'll fit,
While In Brown n Kubey's store
You can buy a few dOZ N more.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-04
Cured

a morbid appetite for strong
drink (alcohoD by drinking our
mild, refreshing Seattle Beer. On
draught at Criterion.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1895-11-04

Chocolate Emulsion is for sale by the
HOLSTER DRUG CO.,
1861 Agents for the Hawaiian Islam Is.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1895-01-31

Great OPpOrtunIty 70 Make Money. :.
Ihave had such splendid success that
! can't help writing t. you about IT,.
l have nor made less than 50, and
some days from sl5 to SOS. am really
elated, and can't seq WHY others do
not go into the Dish Washer business
at once. I have not canvasSed any;
sci ait my washers at home. fbey
give such good satisfaction that every
one sold, helps TO sell many others. 1
believe in a year l can make a profit Of
Three Thousand Dollars, and attend
to my regular business besides. when
q Climax Dish Washer can be bought
Tor IS every family wants one, and it
Is very easy selling what everybody
wants to buy. For particulars, ad-
dress The Climax Mfg, Co., Columbus,
Ohio | think any lady or gentleman,
anywhere, can make from IS to $40 a
day. / would like to have your readers
try this business, and let US know
through your columns how they sue
Coed.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1895-01-31
remne;rnnee and Prohibltlon.

Temperance in the use of alcoholic
beverages has no mOle n lation to pro-
hibitiOn than has stealing or lying. as
both temperance and intemperance
are misnOmers when used to express
opposition to the drink habit, unless
my use of the poison of alcohol in a
beverage may be called intemperance;
but in no case can we honestly or prop
erly use the word temperance when
we mean opposition to. or prohibition
Of, the use or sale of alcoholic liquors,
in which is included the elimination
of nearly all the crime that curses so
clety. In this connection temper
ance" becomes a dangerously mislead-
ing and wicked misnOmer.-FrOm
IT importance a Dslusion," in Demo.
rests Magazine for February.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1895-01-31
A WOMAN'S RARE HEROISM.
Awakened by q Fire Mrs. Walsh Carries
Her Two Children Down n slippery
Fire Escape-GoIng Down Hin
Gift Schemes.

NEW YORK, Jan. 3O.-The organizers
of the Brooklyn Storage & Warehouse
Co., the $50, 900, 900 combination which
is largely to control the warehouse
business Of this port, met to-day to
complete tho transfer TO the new cor
poration of the various properties in
volVed. The Corn Exchange bank,
whose president, w. A. Nash, has
been mentioned for treasurer Of the
new company, had credit balance at
the clearing house to-day aggregating
the enormous amount of s7,00O,O00.
1t was understood that this repre-
sented the transfer of money from
other banks necessary to complete the
actual transfer of the various proper
ties in the new warehouse company.
The calling in of loans to make these
heavy payments accounts for the
furry in the call money market yester-
day. The securities of the new COM
pany will be ST., 900 in bonds and
s12, 5OO,O 900 in stocks. Checks for the
bonds were given by various subscribe
ers or underwriters yesterday and
passed through the clearing house to-
day. II is understood that there will
be a public offering of the bonds by a
group of institutions, although, prac-
tically the entire issue has been placed,
one large life insurance company talk
ing s., 100000 of them.
wO1tAN's RARE HERoIsM
NEW YORK, Jan. 30.-Mrs. Mary
Walsh, wife of mail carrier who lived
in the fourth story of fat, was
awaksze5 ~ 2 Gre In her rooms this