The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1895-01-17
THE NIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS

The following amusing bit Of humor,
which Is likewise a capital limitation
OF Clement Moores might Before
Christmas" appeared in the London
Punch upward of al quarter of CEN
tury ago. 1t is as fresh today as H
was then, and is too good to be lost
sight Of:
Twas the might after Christmas. when
all through the house
Everyone was abed, and still as
mouse;
Those stockings, so late in st. Mich
olas' care
We're empty of all that was eatable
there.
The darlings had duly been tucked in
their beds,
With very full stomachs and pains in
their heads.
7 was doing away in my new cotton
cap,
And Nancy was rather far gone in a
nap.
When out in the nursery rose such a
clatter.
I sprang from my sleep, crying What
Is the matter?"
I flew to each bedside half in a
Tore open the curtains and threw off
the clothes;
While the light Of the taper served
clearly to show
The piteous plight Of those objects
below;
For what to the fond fathers eyes
should appear
But the little pale face of each sick
little dear!
full as a tick,
Nick.
Their pulses were rapid, their breath
ings the same;
What their stomachs elected, I'll men
ton by name:
Now turkey, now stuffing, plum pud-
ding, Of course,
And custards, and crullers, and cram
berry sauce;
Before outraged nature. all went to
the wall,
Yes, lollypops, flapdoodle. dinner and
all.
Like pellets, which urchins from pop
guns let fly
Went figs, nuts and raisins, jam, jelly
and pie;
Till each error of diet was brought to
my view,
To the shame of mamma, and of Santa
Claus, too,
I turned from the sight, to my bed,
room stepped back,
And brought out a vial marked "Pulv
ipacac;'
When my Nancy exclaimed, for theil
sufferings shocked her,
"Don't you think you had better. love
run for the doctor?"
I ram, and was scarcely back under
my roof,
When I heard the sharp clatter Of ole
Jalap's hoofs;
I might say that I scarcely had turned
myself round
When the doctor came into the room
with a bound.
He was covered with mud from his
head to his foot,
And the suit he had on was his very
worst suit;
He hardly had time to put that OF
his back,
And he looked like Falstaff, half fud
died with sack,
His eyes how they twinkled! Had the
doctor got merry?
His lips looked like port, and hi.
breath smelt like sherry.
He hadn't been shaved for fortnigh
or SO.
And the beard on his chin wasn't whit.
as the snow.
But, inspecting their tongues, in spit
Of their teeth,
And drawing his watch from hi
waistcoat beneath,
He felt of each pulse, saying, "Eacl
little belly
Must get rid,"-here he laughed-"o
the rest Of that jelly"
I gazed on each chubby, plump, sicl
little elf,
And groaned when he said so, in spit,
Of myself;
But wink of the eye, when ht
physicked our Fred,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing
to dread.
He didn't prescribe; but went straight
way to work,
And dosed all the rest-gave hi
trousers jerk
And adding directions, while blowins
his nose,
He buttoned his coat, from his chat
he arose,
Then jumped in his gig, gave old Jala,
a whistle,
And Jalap dashed off, as If pricked b,
a thistle;
But the doctor exclaimed, ere he droy,
out of sight,
They'll be we'll by tomorrow; goot
night, Jones, good night"