davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Not Qualified.

Friend-I suppose those congress
sional funerals are pretty lively affairs?
Ex-Congressman-1 suppose SO; but
! never happened to be selected to at
tend one, myself.
Friend-That's singular! You were
~ years in congress, We're you not?
Ex-Congressman-Yes, but I don't
drink.-Puck.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
An rn.,nnat,on.

An excited individual rushed into a
Texas schoolhouse and asked for the
teacher.
What is the cause of your excite
ment, my dear sir?" queried the
teacher.
Il was just passing the schoolhouse,
when was set upon and insulted by
gang of young blackguards, and I
have come to see you about it, Us
understand you are the principal."-
Texas Siftings.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Temperance .Man,ion.

Temperance MWUbI0ns
II see you are building new house,
AR. Bung."
eyes, you are right"
MADE the money out Of whisky, /
suppose?"
mo"
'Why, you are liquor dealer, are you
not?"
"oh, yes! But the money I'm putting
into this house was made out Of the
water put into the whisky. Every
farthing was made out of the water,
ir."-London Tit-Bits.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Engineer Killed,

Pueblo, Col, Dec. 21.-David Kelker,
n passenger engineer on the Denver &
Rio Grande railroad, was fatally scald-
ed Saturday and died while being
brought to the city. just after leav-
ing Butte station the right main con-
meeting rod became disconnected,
smashed through the cab and broke
steampipe,
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Looking for n Tralninr Ground

Ell Paso, Tex, Dec. 2l.--Nl.rtin Jul
ian arrived Saturday morning from San
Antonio. He is looking for training
ground preparatory to bringing Fitz-
simmons here. With him is Ernest
Roehr, the wrestler, who wants $4,000
match with Charles Widman, of Cincin-
natl. The fight and wrestling match
will be held here at the same time.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Are Yon Sick2

Ifso go to the Lansing, Iowa, Santa
rum and get help. Turkish baths
are given and are good for Pain,
Nervous, Stomach and Kidney troub-
les, Piles, Back-ache and all chronic
diseases. Deafness and Catarrh sue
cessfully treated. Artesian Mineral
water used in bath rooms. Write to
DR.. Davis. 46tf
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Orders a Big Massacre.

Berlin, Dec. pa dispatch from Con-
stantinople says that the porte has
ordered Mustapha Rc1uzi pasha to at
tack, with 10000 troops and two bat
teries, the city of Zeitoun, to bonn
bard and destroy it, and to massacre
the 10000 Armenians in the city be-
cause they had killed 400 Turkish sol.
diars
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
THE COMMISSION.
Edmunds. Phelps and White Will Prob
ably Go to Venezuela.

ably Go to Venezuela.
New York. Dec. 2l.-Exccllent infor-
nation is that the three commissioners
whom the president will appoint to
investigate the Venezuelan boundary
dispute will be: Ex-United States
Senator George +. Edmunds, of Ner-
mont; Andrew ID. White, president of
Cornell university, and Edward j.
Phelps. eN-minister to the court of st.
James. Mr.. Edmunds and Mr.. Phelps
are generally regarded us specially
qualified for the work on account of
their thorough knowledge of intcrna-
tional law.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Girl '.t Danbury, Conn.,, Suffering fro1
IIydrOphObia.

UirI '.t Dahbury, Conn.,, Suffering from
Hydrophpbia.
Dnnbury, Conn.,, Dec. 21.-Rose AL
grin, 14-year-old girl living on Grand
street, is dying from hydrophobia
caused by bite from cat. Friday
afternoon she was in critical condi-
ticn. The girl was bitten nine weeks
ago, but nothing was thought of the
matter until few days ago, when the
r ,haress mpto,ns appeared,
,nce IN physician was summoned.
He was at first nonplussed, but at
length decided 1t to be case of hydro
phobia. Other doctors were called into
consultation and agreed with him.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
He Was Thinkine of Them.

]. Caesar Noraudant (decisively)-1
leave the profession tomorrow, to &C.
cept a position in hardware store.
j Brutus Maguire-What! leave the
stage! Never! My dear fellow, think
of the many ties
j. Caesar Moraudant (grimly)-I am
thinking of them. have just walked
here from Syracuse.-Judge.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Defenaed Her Honor,

New Hope, Ky, Dec. 2l.-Frank
Dougherty, sclool-teacher, who held
a professorship in Gethsemane college
last year, was shot and instantly killed
Friday morning by Mrs. j. w. Na!iy.
He attempted to criminally assault tho
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
MANIToBA's POSITION.
VIII Not Consent to the Reestablishmen
of Separate Schools.

of Separate Schools.
Winnipeg, Man., Dec. 81. = Indica-
tions all point to an early dissolution
OF the Manitoba legislature and an APP
peal to the country on the school ques-
ton. Three conventions are called for
next week to select candidates. The
new voters list will be complete in
ten days. Manitoba's reply to the OF
tawn governments remedial order was
finally adopted ut cabinet meeting
Saturday. 1t is understood that the
reply states that Manitoba cannot UNI
der any circumstances consent to the
reestablishment of separate schools.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Ambiguous

"How are you feeling?" asked the
physician.
The patient turned up his eyes and
remarked in hollow voice: II am
feeling rather worse, thank you, doc
tor" and the doctor was not just sure
where the thanks were intended to
come interchangeable Journal.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27

While Frank Fencil, farmer near
Dubuque, was sick abe1, his loving
and devoted wife eloped with the hired
man, taking the money but leaving
five little children to comfort the sick
flther
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Getting 1t Gradually,

"Don't you think, dear, we might
afford one of the horseless carriages ?''
eve might take the horseless part
now and wait for fortune to bring us
the rest. Judge.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
q Case, Of Necessity.

Friend-When are you going to
marry and settle down?
Wild Oates-By George, I've got to do
it pretty soon in order to settle upl-
Chicago Tribune.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
when Cuss WORDS Are E.cn,abie

Young men, don't swear. There is no
occasion for it outside of printing Of
flee, where tits useful when the paper is
behind time, says the West Baden Qnd. J
Journal. 1t also comes in handy in
proof-reading, and is indispensable
when the ink works bad and the press
begins to buck. It's sometimes brought
into use when the foreman is mad, and
1T has been known TO entirely remove
that tired feeling of the editor when he
looks over the paper after it is printed.
Outside printing Office it is foolish
habit.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
A Practical Youth.

Old Bullion-What! You wish to
marry my daughter? She is mere
schoolgirl yet.
suitor-Yes, sir. / came early TO
avoid the rush.--N. Y. Weekly.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
1t Filled the Want.

II think" said the editor, that my
paper fills long-felt want"
ut does, replied the old subscriber.
"My wife has stopped up every broken
pane In the house with it. Sayes glass,
l tell you!"-Atlanta Constitution.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
SUCH Is FAME.

Ethel Jagged six, MS the Princeton
football team comes on the fielO-
Mercy, mamma! I should fink zose
ladies' would be perfectly 'shamed to
come out wiz their hair all down an
dirty boomers on.-Judge.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
woman
The snrea sim ueld East.

London, Dec. 21.-The North German
Lloyd steamer Spree, which went
ashore on Warden ledge, Isle of Wight,
Thursday morning, is still hard ana
fast upon the rocks.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
The FLOOD.
Much Damage Results In the Valley OF
the Desplaines.


Chicago, Dec. 21.-'rhe deluge in Chi
cago and its suburbs abated Friday
afternoon, after four days of incessant
rain, leaving scene of watery waste
varying in depth from few inches to
several feet. Much business and resi-
dence property were damaged or.washcd
away and the overflow of the Desplaincs
river and Illinois g. Michigan canal re-
suited in the pollution Of the city IS lake
water supply as well as the flooding of
the canal towns with sewage water
from Chicago The big drainage chan
mel presented desolate appearance
and work of every Kind had to be ai,an-
aoned, except for pumps keeping the
water from rising. In some sections
water was six feet and mules were inn
prisoned up to their nccks. The banks
Of one section were washed away and
the torrents poured into the channel.
South of Lamont on the old canal the
flood washed away the Santa Fe tracks
and trains were run over the Alton road
from Joliet.
La Porte, Ind, Dec. PA dispatch
says that the Kankallee river, which
has been rising rapidly since Monday
night, is flooding the lowlands, driving
people along the river from their
homes. This is the region which was
swept by fire in November when n wall
Of flame swept everything in it's path,
causing damage estimated at 100000.
The same stricken people are now suf-
tering from the deluge. Rain has
fallen steadily for five days and nights.
st. Louis, Dec. 21.-Floods through
out the state are interfering greatly
with railroad traffic and Thursday
night and Friday morning most trains
from the west were from five minutes
to several hours late.
Fort Scott, Kan, Dec. 21.-The high
water here is receding, although it is
still raining. But one passenger train
has arrived here over the Memphis road
since Thursday noon, and similar con-
dition of affairs exists on other roads.
The Neosho river is six miles wide here
and the flood worse than for many
years. Dispatches from Leavenworth,
Coffeeville, Independence and other
Kansas points show-that snow is still
falling, with from five to twelve inches
deep on level already on the ground.
Train service is generally impeded and
streams are out of5tlleir banks.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Where lie Forbore.

Sometimes, john" said Brashkins'
wife, II do get little discouraged, and
think you are rather hard to please"
"You don't say sol" was the aston
ished rejoinder.
Eyes. But must admit there is one
thing you never found fault with"
what is that?"
"The way look when wear my last
years s."-Washington Star,
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
Juvenile slanderef.

Teacher-What can you say of the
position of women during the middle
ages?
Precocious Boy-Nothing, ma'am.
There amt any women of the middle
Chicago Tribune.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
The Raw Material

"Papa, don't they say that matches
are made in Heaven?'"
Eyes, my son."
"But what is the reason, when the
birthstone and sulphur are in the other
place 2"-Judge,
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
BANK cLEARANcEs.
Amounts at Various Cities Compared with
Those Last Year.

New York, Dec. 21.-The following
table, compiled by Bradstreet's, shows
the total clearlnces at the principal
cities and the percentage of increase or
decrease, as compared with the CORE
spending week last year:
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
FOUR DIE in THEIR HOME.
Andrew johnson and Three Children
Suffocatcd by Fire at PHILADELPHIA.

suffocated by Fire at Philadelphia.
Philadelphia, Dec. 2l.-Four persons
we're suifocated by fire Saturday at the
aome of Andrew Johnson, 81 Parham
street, in the southeastern section of
The city. The dead: Andrew johnson,
aged 80; Jesse johnson, aged o; Lena
Johnson, aged 5; Dora johnson, aged 3.
The wife and mother, Mary johnson,
was taken to the hospital in al uncon-
scious condition and is not expected to
live
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27

Pleasant and Effective TonIcs.
Strawberries and apples are as good
for the system as course of unpala-
table tonics.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27

AS an acrobatic bilser,
Our baby's not Ounce;
For ev'ry day within the week
He rides four wheels at once.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27

The heaviest vegetable substance
~ the lignum vitae, which sinks in wa.
ter as though 1t were SO much metal.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27

REFERENCE:
Frank II. Davis. Professor OF Piano and Violin
n the Boston Training School of Music, says
MISS ,urt tine MAal.studled in Boston nd
my immediate instruction in branch of pi no
Miss Mead is very studious, and her prog es
was very satisfactory. Shells apt and has I'd
experience in teaching, and it affords me pleas
ure to recommend her"
RATES OF TUITION:
Per term of 2Olessons of as minutes each, SO
Use Of Instrument for practice, one hour per
ay, one dollar per month.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
He Made a Hit,

eyes," said Willie Wibbles. Invent
to tho wcception with boil on my
neck"
"And what did your friends think of
.,o,, oO
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
keeping Up tho Average.

Keeping Up the Average.
'ond Parent-Have you said your
yers tonight, Bobby?
lobby (sleepily)-No'm.
'ond Parent-Why not, you naughty
Z?
obby-I said 'em twice lest night
World, VI. - r. Sssssss. sessstsA
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27

"All jealous, deah boy. It was the
SWEETEST thing there" = Washington
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-12-27
DYING FROM A CAT BITE.

Not ;,cluded in total.
The Portland daily press., 1895-05-17
CITY OF PORTLAND.
No tice of Hearing,

Whereas the following persons have
petitioned the City Council 10 lay out new
streets as follows:
Charles E. Gushing and others to extend
Island avenue, Long Island. to Fern
avenue.
William H. Trefethen and others to lay
ont a new street on Peaks Island from
steamboat La ndfng mort herIy now known
as Trefethen's 8 avenue.
N. s. Millett and others to lay out new
street on Peaks island from Island avenue
10 low water mark. (now known as Centen-
n1al avenue.
E. Y. holbr ook and Others to lay out a
now street on Peaks Island from Pleasant
avenue to land owned by George H. Colby.
NOTICE is hereby given to all parties in
terested that the joint standing COMMITTEES
ou laying out new streets Will meet at the
following time and places:
On Long Island at the corner of, Island
avenue and Beach street on Friday, Nav
3,st 1896, at II o'clock q. 10.
On Peaks Island at refothen's Landino
on Friday, May 3lst, 1898. at II O'Clock m
On Peaks Island at corner of Island
avenue and proposed street Oh Friday. May
3lst. 1895. at O'Clock p. m. "'
On Peaks Island at the corner of Pleasan,
avenue and proposed street on Fridav IN,
31s,, 1895. at $40 clock p. IN. "S
And will afterwards proceed 10 determi,o
and adjudge whether public convsn;nnne
requires said streets to be laid out for nnh.
lie use. f
J.. P. BAXTER. Mayor.
ZENAS THOMPSON.
JOSEPH w. PETERS
BENZ. ". STOVER'
p. S. NICKERSON.
8sa,Dd ComD,ltfes % on hay,isa9s y,s9s Ont New Streets.
1oft1@au' E1"s -, ioSo. myl7dtd
The Portland daily press., 1895-05-17
MILLIONS OF OYSTER SHELLS.
Twin Hills in the Central Dakota Prairies
Made Up of Them,

Jamestown. N. D., Corr. Minneapolis
Journal.)
In the south central portion of North
Dakota lies butte, or mountain, which
is wonderful relic of an ancient era.
when the ocean covered the State. II is
really two buttes, 300 or more feet in
height, which are composed of little less
than oyster Shells They are in the ex-
treme southwestern part of Logan coun-
ty, about IS miles southwest of this
city, and probably 35 miles east of the
Missouri river. The base of the butte,
which at a height of about 900 feet is Ill
vjded and forms two peaks, each about
100 feet high, is about three-quarters OF
mile in length, oblorg in shape and
lies extended in northwestern and
southwestern direction. The sides are
precipitous, except at the southern ex-
tremlty, where it Ia possible to drive
part way up.
The butte lies in region almost en-
tirely setted by Russians. and none, so
far as could be learned, have ever visited
it or even given it name. 1t is con-
spicuous landmark, visible for miles in
surrounding rolling prairie and the val
ley of the Beaver-a tributary of the
Missouri river-near which it is located.
Very little vegetation is found on the
butte besides prickly pear and in favored
spots. lunches of grass. The northern
end Of the butte, which has borne the
hrunt of wind and rain for numberless
no, f,1Ytne ov,l oatn uvI
presents almost vertical walls to the
northwest winds. Here and there on it's
face are nugh blocks of the cemented
shells, which form kind Of rock W hich
from distance appears ready to fall out
ward and downward with cras b. The
jutting crags and rocks make a wild and
picturesque sight. The southern peak,
which can only be surnounted after a
stiff climb, is nearly fat on top, oval in
contour, and nothing is visible on the
surface but oyster shells, some OF them
whole, as though just opened of their
contents. some crum bling to dust, as
though extremely old, while on every
hand are broken shells of all sizes.
An excavation of the surface reveals
naught but more shells and a slight in
terlnixture of gravel.
The other peak is somewhat different
in character and contour, though this.
ike Lno oLnet, Is composer OIL HouuiHg
but shells. 1t is rougher and the shells
seem to have been united into kind OF
rock which defies the wind and weather.
This is separated from the butte by a
huge block ten or twelve feet square and
is almost as true ube in general out
line as though the hammer and wedge of
the stone cutter had fashioned 1t. Here
and there, projecting from the sides. are
at intervals large shells which countless
frosts nave failed to loosen. A small cave
has been discovered in the side of this,
peak. Shells form it's roof. it's side and
it's floor. The butte is isolated, with no
hills approaching it in height to be seen
in any direction for miles.
The Portland daily press., 1895-05-17

Gov. Evans of South Carolina has is
sued proclamation anent Judge Gof's
injunction in the constitutional conven-
tion case in which he makes much
talk about maintaining the rights
of the people of the State against
the wanton interference OF the Fed
eral courts. 1t is noticeable, how
ever. that Evans takes good care not
to undertake to say how these rights are
to be maintained or even to intimate that
he will DO anything personally in the
maintaining business. 1t is the
people" who are going to vindicate their
independence, but how, when or where
Evans does not undertake to explain.
One reason why he is no more definite
is because awhile ago after federal
judge had issued an injunction forbid
ding dispensary official to make seis-
ures, Evans issued proclamation di-
recting the official to be more vigilant
and active than ever. For this he was
summoned into court for contempt, and
instead of vindicating the independence
of the State he humbl begged the
courts pardon. The remembr OF
this affair makes him cautious. Now
there is no way to yindicate the indepen-
dence of South Carolina in this constitu-
tional convention case but to go ahead
and elect delegates to the convention in
defiance Of the court, SO If Evans had
intended anything more than to make a
noise he would have instructed the regis
tration officers to proceed in spite of the
court. That would have meant term
in Jail probably for him and for the
registration officers too. But Evans has
no idea of being martyr to that extent
So he discreetly confines himself to gilt
| tering generalties. He is not dangerous.
1t will not be necessary to call out the
United States troops to suppress him.
The Portland daily press., 1895-05-17

Mr.F. B. Greenwood, the evangelist
who had SO much to say about the
benighted condition of Maine. attempted
soma modification of his remarks after
he had seen his philippe in cold type,
and realized what blunder it was. His
modification does not amount to much,
being merely statement that he did
not mean to imply that the whole State
of Maine was as bad as the sections
which he had specified. Mr.. Greenwood
is no doubt good man, but if he would
learn little more of worldly wisdom
be would be more useful one. He says
he is going to return to this State to do
eVangelistie work, and yet he has de-
liberately handicapped himself by his
speech in Boston. The first thing that
skillful orator does who wants to con.
vert his hearers to his view is to put
their minds IN a receptive condition, but
TO announce that he considers them q
pack of fools or the offscouring of the
earth is not good way to do it. When
ever Mr.. Greenwood makes his appearance
again in any of the Denighted sections OF
Maine about which he has discoursed in
Boston he will find the people there
much more ready to remain in their sins
than to accept him as the Moses to lead
them into the promised land Indeed
we feel SO sure that his usefulness is ut
an end in this State that we advise him