The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1895-09-13
HUaIoR OF THE DAY.

IaOnOh OE In
'Do you think you could learn to love
me. Maud?"
softly II might. 1 learned German once. -
lid x3ts.
F'ather-You may as well give up
thinking about that young man Dashing,
He does not love you.
Daughter-How do you know, papa?
Father-I met him at the club last
night. and he refused to lend me ten dol
lars.-Truth.
He-I believe [ will propose to her by
telephone. Do you think she will accept
me?
She-she ought to if you ring her up
properly. -Harper's Bazaar.
Uncle-,Well, Bobby, what did you learn
at school today?
Bobby learned that the world is
round and turns on hinges, like the globe
in the library.
Unele-Well, what do you think of that?
Bobby-1 think. uncle, they are asking
me to believe a good deal for small
boy.-Tit-B1ts.
She (dreamily).-only fancy-a month
from today we shall be married.
He (absently).-Well. let's be happy
while we can.-Illustrated Bits.
Once was Enough Why don't you
My wife is afraid of horses
For what reason?"
why, you see, we made a runaway
match. '-Detroit Free Press.
Old Mercator Ito little Billy Ducks: just
left school, who applies for situation as
ofi1ce-boy, and produces testimonial from
clergyman)- don't want you on Sun
days, my good little boy. Have you a
reference from any one who knows you
Eyes, sir L seer observed the stenog-
rapher, this is the denial of your last
Interview
Great Polit:cian-What kind of a head
have you got? This is denial of the de-
nial-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Philadelphian-You didn't have
half as lively an earthquake as we had.
The New Yorker-Well, you couldn't
expect the earth to yawn as much IN New
York as in Philadelphia
Journal
Mother-Gracious, daughter. what an
outrageous costume! And those stockings
are shocking!
a bathing suit. and was compelled to
wear my bicycle costume.
Mother-Oh, well, that's all right.-San
Francisco Chronicle.
'Who is this Dean Swift they are talk
ing about?" whispered a society lady to
Lady Bulwer at party. II should so
like to invite him to one Of my recep-
tons"
Alas, madam, the dean has done some
thing that has shut him out of society"
Dear me, you don't say so? What
dreadful thingr' said the lady in a
breath. "And what was it?' she added:
''Well, about a hundred years ago he
died. Tit-Bits.
Eastern stranger-what are they
lynching him for?
Quick Drop Dan-Attempting suicide.
Eastern Stranger-They might just as
well have let him kill himself.
Quick Drop Dan-No, stree. The boys
out here don't believe ina feller being
so selfish.-Life.
A NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. the trou-
bles married people have in life are due
to the mother-in-law. [ don't suppose
there is an exception to the rule.
Mother-in-law-How about Adam and
Eve? Where was the mother-in-law in
that case?
Son-in-law-WelI, in thsA case the SER
1ent took the place of the mother-in-law
Texas S:ftngs.
His Stinglness.-Mr. Kneer (who is
eading a magazine article)--They must
cave had some pretty tough times in
richmond during the war This author
ays boots cost $50 a pair blankets $1,000,
good horse $500, a COW $3.50. coffee SIS a
pound, tea $780, and" Mrs. Kneer-
What did bonnets cost? Mr.. Kneer-Let
ne see. 'M-Yes, here it is: "A plain black
relvet bonnet sold for Sl75.' Mrs. Kneer-
and yet you made an awful fuss when L
wanted to buy bonnet the other day
or only S3Sl-Chicago Tribune.
Or. Prices Cream Baking Powder
Worlds Fair Highest Meda. and Diploma.