West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1895-12-19
TROUBLES OF A "JINER's" WIFE

women OF this town, who have had
about the same trouble as this poor
woman. and want the law amended
so that her complaint will b,
grounds for divorce.
She was about As years old, vel
dressed, had black hair, rather thin
and tinged with gray, and eyes in
which cleaned the fires of a deter
mination not easily baked. She
walked into the Office of a well
known law firm in Court Square
Theatre Building and requested a
private audience with Mr.. @.
Having obtained it and satisfied
herself that the law students were
not listening at the keyhole, she
said slowly, solemnly and impress
sively:
al want divorce 20
"What for {? supposed you had
one of the best husbands" said
MIR. q.
81 s'pose that's what everybody Y
thinks, but If they knew what /
have suffered for many years they'd
wonder l hadn't scalded him long
ago. L ought to, but for the sake
of the young ones I've borne it and
said nothing. I've told him, though,
what he might depend on, and now
the times come. | won't stand it,,
young ones or no Young ones. I'll
have divorce, and il the neighbors
want to blab themselves hoarse
about it. they can, for | won't stand
it another day."
"But what's the matter? Don't
he treat you kindly p you Mr.. O..
"We've got victuals enough, and
| don't know but he's as true and
kind as men in general, and he's
never knocked any of us down.
wish he had; then I'd get him into
jail and know where he was at
nights" retorted the woman.
"Then what IS your complaint
against him ?''
"Well, if you must know, he's
one of them plaguey timers" :"
ga what ?"
GA j'iner-one Of them pesky
fools that's always timing some
thing. There can't nothing come
along that's dark and sly and hid.
den but he jines it. If anybody
should get up society to burn my
house down. he'd jine 1t just as
soon as he could get in; and if he
had to pay for it, he'd go all the
suddener. We hadn't married more
than two months before he fined
the Masons. P'r'aps you know
what them be, but | don't 'cept
they are of the same kind of critters
that built Solomon's temple, and of
all the nonsense and jsb about wor-
shipful master and square and COM
passes and sich like that we had in
the house for the next six months
you never see the beat. And he's
never outgrowed it, huther. What
do you think Of man, Squire,
that'il dress himself in = white
apron big enough for a monkeys
bib, and 60 marching up aud down
and making motions and talking
foolish lingo at picture of George
Washington? Amt he a loontick
Well, that's my Sam, and I've
stood it as long as I'm goin' to.
The next lunge the old fool made
was to jine the Odd Fellows. i
made it warm for him whom he
came home and told me he'd fined
them, but he kinder psci6ed me by
tell me they were kind Of branch
show that took in women, and he'd
get me in as soon as he found how
to do It. Well, one night he came
home and said I'd been proposed
and somebody had black -bslled me.
Did it himself, Of course. Didn't
want me around. knowing about
his goings on. or course he didn't,
and / told him so.
"Then be fined the Sons Of NAL
ter. Didn't say nothing to me
about it, but sneaked off one night
pretendin' he'd got to sit up with a
sick Odd Fellow, and / never found
it out, only he came home lookin'
like a man who'd been through a
/ WI @ohAbH NARgWtWDg NhN WVuNAu =
do a thing for bun until he owned
up. And so it's goin' from bad to
wus, j'inin' this and that and
Gother till he's worship minister Of
the Masons and goodness Of hope of
the Odd Fellows. and Virgin Cerus
Of the Grange, Grand Mogoll Of the
Sons Of Indolence and Two edged
Tomahawk Of the United Order Of
Redmen and Tale Bearer OF the
Merciful Manakin, and Skipper Of
the Guild Caratrine Columbus, and
Grand Oriental Bouncer Of the Roy
al Arcaners, and Big Wizard Of the
Arabian Nights, and Pledge Passer
Of the Anti-PApist Association and
chief bugler Of the same, and Purse.
keeper Of the Order Of the British
Haters Of American Liberty, aud
/ High Muck a. Muck Of the Knights
Of the Brass Check and Standard
Bearer Of the Royal Archangels,
aud Sublime Bptler OK the Onion