Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1895-05-15
HE HANGS PAPER. /
Mr.. wiggle sworth's Experience at
Spring House Cleaning.

upon a moist cake OF soap, ana
another instant he was over by tn
,dining-room door with his arms around
the hat-tree and some language trailing
ON behind that left coppery taste II
the atmosphere as it slowly curled ur
the front stairs.
''Who left that soap on the hoor?" h
yelled, as soon as he could unlock him
self from the hat-tree.
"Why-I-I guess Mary must STAN
znered Mrs. Wigglesworth, who hat
rushed in from the kitchen with a
potato masher in her hand. we've
are cleaning house, you know"
Cleaning housed" said her husband
''well. s'pose We are? Youneedn't think
you're going to use me to flop up your
moors with" Mr.. Wigglesworth meant
to say mop up your Aoors, but the sud-
.denness of his entrance had temporarily
unhinged his tongue. ''Think you've
seen me advertised in the back end OF
the magazine, don't YEP" he continued,
warranted to save labor Or money re-
funded! Reckon I'm to be had of all
grocers, s'pose, or sent prepaid on re-
ceipt of price!'
These retorts were so keen that Mr..
4yigglesworth found his good-nature
coming back through their exercise,
and he ate dinner without grumbling
more than a man has to do ordinarily.
When he went into the sitting room he
found the carpet mp and there was a
bundle ofwall paper in a chair.
whats this?" he shifted, suspi-
ciously.
Its wall paper" his wife responded;
81 got it at great bargain down to
Root & Gilder's-closing out of new
spring goods just received, at less than
cost"
''Huh!' grunted her husband, unroll-
ind . package and holding it wrong
side up. Looks like a case Of deiir-
ious trimmings"
Eyes, iiuttered Mrs. Wigglesworth,
sit is the new art, the man said-after
Aubrey Beardsley."
who's Aubrey Beardsley?" coldly
returned Mr.. Wigglesworth with a
falling infection.
'sHe-he is-the-the man that has
got up SO many new ideas ef-of art, !"
Mrs. Wigglesworth explained; "they
are quite crazy over him, you know, so
the man said"
swell, if they're any crazier than
Beardsley 1 pity en-" growled her
husband dropping the roll in disgust.
Who's going to hoist this nightmare
onto our walls?" he added.
Ii want you to step in, and speak
to the paperhanger on your way down."
his wife returned, tiniidly. c,E2f
>'Oh, yes, that's it''' Mr., Wiggles-
worth snorted, s.feller with a black
board on his shoulder and a. hinge in
the middle and four dollars day"
; and then an idea shot into Mn Wiggles-
worth's active brain. "B'george!" he
cried firing with It, cpl hang this
paper myselfw and he began peeling
off his coat.
But, Ellery," his wife said, in mild
-expostulation, ''you haven't had any
experience"
Experience nothing.' retorted Mr..
Wigglesworth, whats experience got
to do with a handy man? Four dollars
a days experience enough for me, and
I must be chump if can't smear
some moist flour over the rear end of
few sheets of paper and slap 'em up
against smooth wali!''
When Mr.. Wigglasworth had made
up his mind to a thing it was like the
French revolution, it had to go. In
brief time he had the hired girl
boiling some paste and Mrs. Wig
ellsworth had tied one Of her aprons
about his neck, much to his disgust.
She said when all nature was vocal
with the melody of spring, when birds
were futing their first glad notes and
u thousand streams made music in their
journey toward the sea, she didn't pro-
pose to have herhusband going through
the street with flour paste daubed all
-4over his new spring clothes.
Mr.. Wigglesworth opened one of the
rolls of pa per, spread it out on the
lining-room table and, taking sight"
Ut the altitude of the room, cut off a
strip that appeared to be the proper
length. Utilizing crumb brush he
.'pread on a copious quantity of paste
and then lifted the paper by one end
lie put his arms up to their full length
but the other end of the paper still lin
gercd on the table.
Why dsn't We take hold of it?'' lie
said testify to his vile, who stood du-
biorasly looking on.
So Mrs. Wigglesworth appraised the
other end and her husband stood in a
chair. He reached for the border line
of the wall, but fell short of it..
why don't We go fetch tablet" he
angrily roarcd at his wife. That's
right he shouted as Mrs. Wiggles-
worth dropped her end of the paper
and the pasty side traiied over the back
sthe chair and chung about his knees.
.'vou told nc to get the table, ]" Mrs.
Wigglcsworth protested, considerably
abasncd.
..0h, of course Mr.. Wigglesworth
snarled. ..lay it all onto me. r I'd
told We to jump througha hoop s'pose
you'd done it. Well!'' he yelled, as his
arms began to draw out Of their sock
La