davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

secret, and that both the men and the
women, living in polygamy, will swear
that they are not SO living. They
know that they are safe from pros
ecution, because no record of the mar
riage exists, and they ease their con-
sciences with the belief that Gentle
court has no authority to administer
an oath to a Latter Lay Saint, on the
same principle that a Chinese does not
consider an oath as binding unIeSs ac-
companied by the ceremonial of cut
ting off a ROSTERS head and then Dip
ping his hands in the blood.
When prosecutions first began under
the anti-polygamy law of 1882. the Off
GERS searched in vain for the records Of
the marriages of those known to be liv-
ing in polygamy. am told by apostate
Mormons that the reason was that in
marrying each person was given Bib
hcaI name, such as Jonah and Rebecca,
for instance, and that these only were
written in the church book
So. if the book were produced in
court it would not prove that John
Smith was Jonah, or that Sally Jones
was Rebecca, or tnat she was the
seventh wife Of Jonah, which she in
ing in a seven-compartment house,
but it is difficult, almost inpos-
sible. to get evidence that he is living
III a polygamous state, yet 1t is known
to be the case as well as common re-
port and circumstantial evidence can
prove anything.
Put these women on the witness
stand, and each of them will swear,
with her hand upon the Bible, that
she is not married to the accused, John
Smith. | have heard such testimony in
court, and, in one instance, when
polygamous wife was asked who was
the father of the baby she then held in
her lap, she unblushingly replied: ''I
don't know
There have been very few convic-
tions for polygamy under the Ed
munds act of 1882, and comparatively
few have been disfranchised. They
still hold the balance of political
power.
Mormon apostates are authority for
the statement that marriages are cele-
brated in a room in the temple, dark
ened and made to appear as the garden
of Eden is represented. The elders,
scribes and apostles are seated around
the altar, at which the groom and bride
and his first wife kneel The first wife
always gives away the bride, which she
does by kneeling at her side and placing
her right hand in that of her own hus-
band, saying: Sister -, give thee
to my husband to be his wife, in this
life and in the life to Gomez She re-
peats a similar formula to her hus-
band. The bridal couple wear an ''en-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

seeking an item o. public interest,
small roach rushed from under some
papers to the middle of a blotter and
gazed inquiringly into his face. These
paper reaches grow very impudent, and
when you make up your mind to resent
it they skip out like fash. Tbis par
ticuIar roach is quite a pet. Nov,
you wouldn't think roach important,
would you?' said the official. lon the
contrary" said the newspaper man,
1.-The roach is the most self-important
creature l know of-and this one al
ways wants to divide time with me-"
I'm in earnest" replied the official.
ST know of one which was wrecked in
a vessel in which several lives were lost
and thousands of dollars" "
Indeed! You were personally ac-
quainted with the roach? Was it John,
the shipbuilder?"
'Oh, no; there is no joke about this.
I'll tell you. We furnish charts of the
coast. These charts are illuminated
with buoys, lighthouses, etc. Now the
New England coast is pretty rocky and
reefy and the bars and rocks are
marked by buoys represented on the
charts by colored inks. One day Yam
kee skipper was smashed to pieces on
rock and raised terrible row about
the hidden reef not being laid down on
the chart. The latter came back to our
office and an investigation demon
strated the fact that the reaches had
gained access to the ships papers and
some particular roach had eaten off the
buoy SO smoothly it could only be de-
tected with a glass by those who knew
where it ought to be. There was some
thing sweet in the ink. Since that the
charts are kept in tin cases.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

ing their cooking by the wayside. About
a week before the conference meets the
roads are crowded with wagons loaded
with women and children, and camp
ing equipage, with long lines of men
and boys following iu the rear, like
pioneers emigrating from civilization
into the wilderness. These lines are
picturesque in their primitiveness, not
so much now as in the early days be-
fore the transcontinental road let civ
ilization in, but they present re-
markable picture of the early Mormon,
whose ignorance and fanaticism have
not been removed by surrounding civ
ilization.
Railroads extend through some por-
tions of Utah, but there are some por-
tions where civilization mas not pene-
trated-the backwoods districts as in
some of the states-and where igno-
rance and superstition are as rank,
and hatred to the Gentle world is as
bitter as when they were driven from
Nauvoo, H., more than a half century
ago.
This type of Mormons, and their de-
scendants, prefer the primitive style of
life. and visit the conferences in the
primitive manner; while others on rail-
road lines will not go by rail because
they are Gentle institutions
On arriving, they camp in the su-
burbs until the conference is over,
usually week. At the conference the
marriages that have been Matching for
the past six months are celebrated in
the temple. There are as many mar
riages now as before the anti-polygamy
law was passed; in fact, more, because
their numbers are increasing, mainly
from converts from the most benighted
districts of Europe. These people ever.
remain aliens, few of them learning
our language. They regard the Nor
mon hierarchy as the only government
they owe allegiance to.
Marriages, to be binding in the next
world as well as in this, must be cele-
brated in the temple. Hence the rush
to the semi-annual conferences. A
Jealous Mormon usually brings in three
or four brides, and in order to save
time he is married to all of them at
once. He may not bring in any more
aat the next conference unless he has
found that some Of his wives possess
the ''evil spirit of disobedience," in
which case he gets permission from the
president of the church to put her
@aside"-by the payment of fee, regu-
Stated by his ability to purchase the in
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Felter's Glorious Trip to Germany.

Once upon a time a German-Amer-
lean named Felter was keeper of the
senate restaurant During a congress
siOnal vacation he concluded to visit
his relatives in Germany, and naturally
applied to Jim Christy, the deputy
sergeant-at-arms, for transportation
across the ocean. In due time the de-
sired passes were forthcoming, and
Felter pocketed them in high glee. A
few weeks later he packed his trunks
and started for Hoboken, where he en-
barked on board of one OF the German
line steamers. Felter showed his pa
pers to the captain, and was at once
received with open arms. He was as
signed to the best stateroom on the
vessel, and his cabin was loaded with
flowers. He had the post of honor at
the table, and the finest casks in the
stewards S harder were cracked for his
benefit.
In fact, he was treated as if he was
some great hero, or man of prominence,
instead of an ordinary restaurateur.
Of course, Felter could not understand,
but he took all that was offered, ana
made the best of the situation. Finally
the destination of the vessel was
reached, and the passengers were
landed. Our friend from the senate res
taurant found a delegation of the prin
cipal citizens and municipal authorities
on hand to meet him. The mayor
seized him cordially by the hand and
insisted that Felter mast make his
home with him during his stay. His
astonishment increased, but he ac-
cepted all without asking questions,
but not without some trepidation. On
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

a<1ulgence. There is no limit to the
number of wives man may have. He
regulates that by the uses he can put
them to; but, in order to get new
wife, the president of the church must
first have vision" commanding him
to do SO, and these visions are regu-
lated by the mans usefulness to the
church. or direct contrihution-iust as
political forms are granted When a
Mormon in the rural districts brings
home new wife he adds room to his
log house, and the house, five or six
rooms long, tells the story.
But that is not legal evidence, and
the reason that the anti-polygamy aw
has net, and cannot, suppress polygany
Is that the marriages are performed in
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
SOME CAPITAL STORIES.
Fry Gives Away the Secret OF a
Dogs SmartnesS.
Marshall JeweITs Dislike of Wllisky-HoW
90 Coclsroach Wrecked a Vessel
Funny Mistake OF German
Town Board.
Special Washfngton Letter.

For many years on Pennsylvania ave-
nue there has been seen a man wear
ing a silk hat and carrying in his arms
black-and-tan dog no larger than a
rat, while he leads another somewhat
larger by string, about the hotel lob
bies by day and by night. He is dog
fancier, and has made money out of his
conceit. The larger dog is possessed Of
degree of intelligence far above the
brute creation. His owner claims that
he can add figures, and, as proof of the
assertion, asks him for the total of two
numerals, when the dog promptly and
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
MORMON CONFERENCE.
Held Twice a Year in Salt Lake
City, Utah.
Among tho Ignorant Followers of the
Polygamous Church the Gentiles Are
Hated as Much as Ever-En-
dowment H0use Scenes.
special salt Lake cIty (Utahl Letter.

The great Mormon conference meets
in seni-annuaI session on October 6, at
Salt Lake City-the modern Zion, where
the Millennium will begin. according to
the teachings of the Latter Day Saints.
Formerly the conference met only an
nually, on April 6, that being the anni-
versary of the founding of the church
10y Joseph Smith, the so-called prophet.
At each conference the faithful come
TO Zion from the remotest quarters of
the territory, on horseback, by buggies,
wagons, carts, old-fashioned and inn
provised vehicles, camping out, and do
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Rough on the Monkey.

One of the professors of the Univer-
sity Of Texas was engaged in explain
ing the Darwinian theory to his class,
when he observed that they were not
paying proper attention.
Gentlemen" said the professor,
''when [ am endeavoring to explain to
you the peculiarities of the monkey I
wish you would look right at me-
Texas Siftings.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Her Crnmh of Comfort.

''What are you writing, James?" she
asked as she critically examined her
bicycle tire.
"a novel of home life, DEAR" was the
husbands meek response.
''Never mind she said, soothingly,
''I know it's novel to you now, but all
that will wear off in time Chicago
Times-Herald.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
inst ESCAPED.

An English newspaper has an item
about little Scotch boy, who, while
playing on the docks, fell into the
water and was with great difficulty
rescued by bystander.
"You ought to be very glad was
near by" said his rescuer.
Il am" replied the boy. "An' Tn so
glad We got me out. What a 1iclzin' L
wad got from my mither if I'd been
drooned."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

Papa-Did you ask God to give you
your daily bread this morning?
Bobby-No, papa: [ looked in the
pantry last night and saw that there
was enough to last for three days
Harper's BaZar.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
A Poor Plan.

Miss De Fashion-Mother, what shall
we send Miss De Style for her wedding
present?
Mrs. De Fashion-Will the list be
published in the paper?
mo; she says that's vulgar"
''Send her plated saltspoon. IN. Y.
Weekly
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

Manager many characters in
your drama?
Playwright-Six at the beginning,
and five at the end.
Manager-How do you mean?
Playwright-The heroine loses hers
as the plot develops.-Once a Week.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

correctly barks the answers. He per-
forms other remarkable feats, and it is
difficult to understand his aptitude and
brightness. The man who owns him
claims that he has refused three offers
of $4,000 for the dog, made by show
men, and says that Tony Pastor de-
clared that he would pay even more
than that amount for him. AS mat
ter of fact, the dog has proportionately
better brains than his master. He
knows that unless he barlzs us long as
his masters eye is fixed upon him he
will be beaten and kicked almost to
death. Therefore, when his master,
who is sometimes sober, talking with
his back to the dog, says: Jack, how
many are five times fve?" the dog
knows no more than a stone what is
wanted of him; but when he sees his
blear-eyed master turning around and
glaring at him, he commences to bark.
Just as he concludes his twenty-fifth
bark his master turns with smile to
the crowd, and the dog quits barking.
Everybody thinks that the dog is a
mathematician; but the master knows
that he is faI1ir, and the dog evidently
suspects it.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

Jinl1s Cat a party)-I don't see what's
the matter with that pretty woman
over there. She was awfully firty
little while ago, and now she won't
have anything to do with me.
Stranger have just come in. She's
my wife.-London Weekly Telegraph.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
PIacine enc Responsibility.

Cumso- George Washington is re-
sponsible for the damage to the wheat
crop.
Cawker-I thought it was the Hessian
fly which was doing the damage.
Cumso-It is; but Washington mads
the Hessian ay.7Judge.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Easy Remedy.

Bell Boy-Man in No. 13 says there's
not enough air in his room. He cannot
get to sleep.
Night ClerR-All right. Tell him to
blow the gas out.-N. Y World.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
4 Kind.Henrtad Man.

Minnie-Capt. Foster has never paid
me any attention before. But he
danced with me four times last night
Maud-Oh, well, it was a charity
ball, you remember. Texas Siftings.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Unnecessary.

In popping the question. he did prefer
To do it in manner firm and steady;
He did not go on his knees to her
For she was on his knees already.
-I.sfe
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
More Frennent.

Five dollar bills and ten dollar bills
Are things don't often see;
But four dollar bills and nine dollar bills
Are presented quite often to me-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Weekly.
Even Better.

'tAh,'' he exclaimed. enthusiastically,
'what a grand invention is the bicycle
built for two!''
Yes" she replied, dreamily, ''but
what's the matter with hammock?"-
Chicago Evening Post.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Before and After.

Citizen = You were named after
George Washington, weren't you, Mr..
Johnson?
George Washington Johnson Yes,
sab. Yo' didn't 'spect WINS named be-
fo' him, did you?-Arlxansaw Thomas
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Hated Whisky WORSE Than Poison.


Ex-senator Kellogg, Of Louisiana,
who knows all about recent history of
public affairs, says that when John r.
French was sergeant at arms of the
senate, during the closing hours of a
session of congress he prepared an
elaborate lunch in his private Office for
the convenience of the senators who
We're much fatigued by the long night
session. Among those who came in
were Zacb Chandler, Matt Carpenter,
''rare old McCreary," Roscoe Conkling
and dozen others, to whom a glass of
wine was not at all disagreeable. After
the senators had been helping them
selves to this lunch for an hour or SO,
Chandler suddenly remarked to French:
1.-The president is in his room, and l
don't believe he has had anything to
eat tonight How would it do to ask
him in here?" Mr.. French said he would
hardly dare to ask the president to be
his guest, although he would very
much like to send him lunch. "Oh,
pshawl" said old Zach; ''go ask him in;
he will come" So the Sergeant-at-
arms went to the presidents room and
invited him to step in and have a little
lunch. Chandler met Grant at the door
and escorted him into the room. The
invitation to the president included
the members of the cabinet, all of
whom came in. The last to come was
Marshall Jewell. Jewell was thirsty
and first wanted a glass of water. SO he
stepped up to the water tank which
stood near the marble wash basin, and,
picking up glass he found there, sud-
denly exclaimed: There's been whisky
IN this glass;" and proceeded to rinse it
again and again, and then, as he
turned the ice-cold water into it, re-
marked: 4 hate whisky, and / might
also say that hate any man who
drinks it,
Grant had drunk from that glass, and
this may be one of the incidents which
gradually formed in President Grants
mind a prejudice against Gen.
Jewell, the outcome of which was
his peremptory dismissal from
the cabinet The postmaster gen
eral had what most men would
%egard as profound reason and
right to say what he did in regard to
the use of Intoxicating liquor; for, al
though he never led it himself in any
form, it was the cause of great domes-
tic sorrow and misfortune to him, as
those familiar with the history of the
household well know.
Vessel Wrecked by "a CocRroach.
In tho Office Of an official of the coast
~M1-s1
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
s. Knowledge of Men.

HE dropped me for girl with more
money
Yes; but that's no sign be doesn't
love you Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
He Wanted a star.

He Gnsinuatingly)-I can't reform
without help. 1 want some guiding
star.
She (coldly)-You wouldn't, if you
would not stay out SO much at night
Texas Siftinrs.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
THE IRONY OF FATE.

The man is an agent of the Society for
the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
P. S.-He is going to hand in his res
ignation, though.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

Heavens, old man! What style you
are putting on! What business arc
you in now?"
81 am-married. lie Rire.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05
Uhere He Failed,
81 am

"How has Bluffton been doing?"
asked the man who had been away
from his native community for some
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

Getting along well, is hep"
"Wen, he seemed to get along first
rate till he tried to pass some of it,
Washington Star
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

Vessel Wrecked by CocRroach.
In the Office Of an official of the coast
survey, s~hile newspaper man was
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-10-05

"Well, he has made great deal of
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-09-03
WHEN MEN ARE HELPLESS.
1t Is on a Shopping Expedition or whe
Pi!oted Into n Tea Room.

1t Is on Shopping Expedition or When
Plotted Into n Tea-Room.
'Of course" said the social philoso-
pher, according to the Philadelphia
FINES getting interested in her SUBJ
ject, you understand about the shop
ping question:, You must meyer, under
any circumstances. take mant%into a
dry goods store with you, for the first
thing he'll say will be an emphatic
There's not another man in this whole
place except tho Clerks or soft, meek
little I feel like { fish out Of water,
There is something about the heaps of
dress materials ard the hanging rows
OF gloves and hosiery that makes man
appear ridiculously funny to the fe1ni-
nine eye, and you don't dare laugh, be-
cause if you do he will be highly indig-
nant, and will be very likely to march
off in a towering rage.
And never, never, under any circum-
stances, take him into downtown tea
room. The short trip in the elevator,
along with dozen hurrying women
and six dozen bundles, is enough to
make him say swear words under his
breath, and ifhe happens to be big and
broad-shouldercd, he seems as out of
place as washtub in drawing-room
Unless he is especially good-natured,h e
will tag along behind you like crilni-
nal stunning the detectives,and when he
strolls toward the table he looks around
in the vain hope of finding fellow
mortal in the same miserable distress.
If he locates any such shipwrcc!sed
male being, his face brightens perccpti-
bly,; if he sees only wriggling mass of
bonncts, he is crosser than ever. He
rebels at the idea of eating OF little
dessert plate and snecrs silently at the
silly little sugar bowl. But he can't
help it, for he probably feels as uncon-
Portable as n girl would We're she in a
barber shop or n mems clothing store"
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-09-03
Not So Much After All.

A Frcnchman was Boosting that he
had thoroughly mastered the English
language, when he was asked to write
from dictation the following choice
specimen of our choice eccentric YER
nacular: ''As Hugh Hughes was hew-
ing yule log from a yew tree man
dressed in garments of dark hue came
up to Hugh and said: Have you seen
my ewes? To which he replied: If
you will wait until hew this yew 1
will go with you to look for your
ewes" After an attempt the French
man admitted his mistake lie used to
imagine he was used to English speak,
ing, but lie would be more careful how
he used tho Language in future.
Awaiting Developments.
Johnny had been out in the yard
playing with his ball, and suddenly
came in and sat down to read
His father looked up, and, seeing
that Johnnie had his Sunday school
book in his hand, thought it time to
question him.
What did you do with the ball?"
sit went over the wall into Mr..
Browns yard"
''Did you go after it?"
''No, pa"
why not?"
Because it went through the win
dow. "-Pearson's 4
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-09-03
MICHIGAN HAY.
Tho Crop This Year Shows q Heavy

Tho Crop This Year Shows Heavy
Shortage.
CHICAGO, Aug. pa hay famine IN
southern Michigan is one of the agri-
cultural curiosities which the present
week has developed. Ordinarily Mich
igan raises an immense amount of fine
timothy. But this year, instead of
sending to Chicago large quantities of
hay, Michigan is keeping local deal
ers and shippers busy sending over the
product of Illinois, Iowa and other
states. A local dealer, who is making
large shipments. explained the situa-
ton as follows:
"Michigan's crop Of hay this year will not
exceed one-ffth Of normal growth. and rs
o result tho farmers must buy In order to
have feed for their stock during the
winter. think as much as $500 tons
have been shipped from here In the last few
weeks. Most OF the hay comes from Iowa,
but Illinois contributes fair share and some
of 1t comes from Dakota. Nebraska and Kan
sas Another reason for the Increased demand
from Michigan is that the corn crop is very
poor there. and the usual quantity OF fodder
Is not available for stock food"
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1895-09-03
News Indeed

A geography published in 1912 con-
tains the following startling descrip-
ton of that section of our country
which Charles Dudley Warner has bap-
tizcd "Orr Italy," California is a
wild and almost unknown land, COW
cred throughout the year by dense
fogs, damp as they are unhealthful.
On the northern shores live anthropoph-
ngi, and in the interior are active
volcanoes and vast plains of shifting
snow, which sometimes shoot up col
umns to uncomfortable heights" The
book adds that some of these state
ments would seem incredible were they
not SO well authenticated by trust
worthy Travellers!