The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1895-01-26
JOKES AND JoKERs.
SOME or The FUN AND FUNvsKERs
or BYcoNE DAYS

~~A- @t.'AA-N - A-A-A A4A4-4-AAA ll444~
losophcr Tho jokes that hare come
down 10 Us from Greco arc mostly poor
stuff, but college boys arc glad to get
any comfort At all from root grubbiDg.
and therefore they laugh az Diogenes
ind Aristophzrcs- Il il said that tho
cd cynic begged tub 70 live in and
foted this abort vhcrc he liked and
squatted under II. when he pleased
When Alexander called On bin IN this
palatial residence, he asked what he
could do for him ''Gct out Of my sun
light. " said Dio1encs- That was tolera-
bly, good, but uncivil Tho nasty old
cub with his Tub could be duplicated By
Thousand tramps in America any day,
and many CT them are doubtless nastier
and smarter. Plato IS said to have
preached fatality. When 4 rogue ran
against hin with beam and excused ]
himself a5 ''fatcd 70 do it, YES"
said Plaro. Il sec, but / also an fated
to beat you for it. " AMI gave the fellow
q good Gaming. Fer sportivcress Horace
was tho most pleasing Ct the ancients. I
but his verses arc very amatOry and
sOnc Of them more suggestive than
French play. Charles lamb is worth
90 Of him. only that Horace could be
poet When he chose Of q different sort
Homer's picture Of Thcrsites Is the old
est burlcsque that remember A joke
coming down from 1000 3. G. ought to
be pretty good viii NJ Quad last As
iongs
English joking IS generally heavy.
Hero is one told b. James Payn- A wit
ness in q Islander case svorc that Miss
lies was thrown over the wall . dozen
times What - sid tho judge Who
was Miss Hes. and why did they throw
her overs" twas missiles Icannot see
anything so very funny in Sydney
Smiths Wishing ho could. on q certain
hot day. take OF his fesh and sit in his
bones But Hood and Charley Lamb are
q brace that 10 one ought ever to Be
without. / have given up trying TO keep
2 complete set Of either. They are Dor
T rowed and rolished. and, l suppose, read
tn pieces
Hood was capital in every direction
{ be turned. whether rathos. satire, pun
D OF pure joking. His taking OF Of cele-
! Lrated characters was a. good rs any
p thing. YOu should first read Boswell 5
johnson and then re1d Hood 8
"Johrscui1na- " But does anybody read
4, Boswell nowadayss Alas. for once 70
. nous books Hood. says johnson, was
I. once consulted BY q lady cs TO tho de-
}. grcc Of turritldc and spanking due her
b boy for robbing Al orchard. Madam, "
2 said tho po-derors doctor. lit all bangs
. on tho weight Of the boy. l remember
+. my school fellow. Davy Garrick, vhc
> was 2 little fellow. robbing dozen OF.
chards with izapunity. but the very lrs'
+ time ! climbed IN apple tree. for vas
? always solid. the bouch broke. and il
= was called judgment CT nc l SIP
- pusc that is Why justice IS represented
1f with a r-ir OF scales.
IL Sheridan vcs tho best Of joEcrs, bu'
> half that Is attributed 10 him is floating
=, Wit that needed q father. Il IS probably
10 true that he asked his FOSTERING bu
~ hirhborn c-cv one night whether the.
~ should drink like beasts CT like men
- sumo one said. Men. Of course - 'Oh
Is then, " cried Sheridan. well get CIV
ful drunk. fer beasts only drink VIVA
they need
m Irish wiz is famous the world over
&c Part Of il consists IN the trcSue, bat
&c IS raro that an lrishnan has not SUI
m urises CT speech. in which consists th
a. t-ir Of the highest order. lie Fanu, !
A. his Seventy Years Of Irish Life. ha
10 collected q great deal that IS deliciou:
\ witness that was badgercd by q Law
Ii yer was asked. You're nice fellow
I'd now. amt yous' Witness cnswereC
ill i am. sir. and IL vTere not on oatl
" sir. I'd say the same Of you AnOths
NJ witness was asked BE- q bullyin- cour
70 sci. 80 you had . ristols' Il has
% sir. 90 WHO did you intend to shoots
~ Il want iuterdin 10 shoot no enc.
ST. 80 you got it for nothings" NO,
didn't 90 Come. conci On your o1tl
,v ~ what did you get that pistol fcr.'' ''F'
Ia. three and nineponce, sir, in Mr. Ricl
srs ardson's shop"
9t The Irish bull is often better th-
cn. any deliberate Wit Sir Richard Stee
abs insisted these bulls were owing 10 q
air Of the country, land. sir, be ad
aee ell. If On Enclishman was born her
ION don't doubt he'd do the same. In
Ell debate on taxation an Irish member
ash rarliamont insisted that "A tax on leat
III CT would press heavily on the barefoS
ell pcasantry. Sir Boyle Roche repli
they could make the under feathers
wood. " Tho same Sir Boyle urged {
.ca union Of England and Ireland. 50 q
~ ''tho barren hills would become fe-r
,cb valleys" In another debate be answ'
i, ell. Il boldly answer in the affirmati
Ir,o -Nor' de was author Of You shor
tnt refrain from throwing open the fioC
10 frltcs q democracy. lest you shot
- irlvc tho way for a general confag
tion. AT q race an Irishman was
lighted because he was first AZ last
When they laughed. be added. ''Su
'vcr wasn't I behind beforc- - One da,
.vc- f-icud q Bishop Bramstone approach
No him with the remark that be wanted
row ,vife. Young. rich and pretty. and
site wantc,l the bishop 20 pick her out
him Tut. tutr' said tho bishop -.
name Is Brams-one. not Brimstonel
do not make matchesr'-E p. Pow
prr- IN St Louis Globe Democrat