The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-04-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

To set some people to thinking is to
make them miserable.-G GGlUeSton NeaCS.
1t takes a man of great deal of push
10 get a pull these GdlUeSton
NeICS.
The parlor with beautiful belle in
it is a great drawing-room.- - Gdt0eston
NelCS.
Some people take misfortunes as they
come and others go out after them
GGlUeSton NeaCS.
Distance seldom lends enchantment
to job of work that is coming. Nil
scdUEee Journal.
Teacher-What is a heroine? Scholar
I guess it must be a married woman.
Detroit Free Press.
THAT fruit dealer figured on my bill
like an expert" "Yes. he's an Italian
count "-Atia1sta Consultation.
You often hear woman say: "It's
no use talking" but she doesa't think
so all the same.-Teras SiftingS.
Attorney (badgering witness) Now,
sir, would you like to swear. Wit
ness-Yes, 1 would.-Spare Moments.
Edith have but one objection to
Fanny. Clara-What is that? Edith
She is too effeminate.-Ihe Rolling
Stone.
Editor Somehow or other l don't
see the sense of this thing. Poet-My
dear sir, that's poetry.-AtIGntG CorsSt'-
tuition.
$50 you let Mr.. Clinker kiss you last
night?" "Yes. How did you know?"
Il T. : I 20
him."-Life.
Miss J.-Does Mr.. Ponders belong to
the smart set? Miss K.-O, dear, no!
Why, he's only a school teacher!-Soatth
Boston NelCS.
Il cannot tell lie, father" "Do you
mean il, my boy?" "On the dead!"
Then take this income tax blank and
practice. ."-Jstdge.
Miss Charmante-Do you believe in
hvpnotism, Mr.. De Softie? Mr.. De
Whenever you look at me l do.
SOmerUilLe Journal.
Tom-Didn't the encore unnerve Miss
Twitter? Jess-Not bit; she's used to
having the neighbors pound on the floor
when she sings.-Judge.
The inference of modern experience
is to the effect that there is nothing calls
more earnestly for reform than reform
itself-Richmolad Dispatch.
Binkers-Look at that shabby million
aire. You can't judge a man by his
dress. Winkers- but you can
judge him by his wife's.-N Y. Wee6ty
what! you have only three offers of
marriage in the last month? How do
fOI.
is terribly depressed you know
Judge.
Old boarder-What do you mean, sir,
by asking me to loan you money? l
don't know you, sir. New boarder-
That's why 1 ask you.-Detro1 Free
Press.
Blobbs-Do you think the average
man is as stupid before he marries as
he is afterwards? Cynicus Certainly,
or he wouldn't get married.-PhltGdet-
phiG Record.
How could you conscientiously tell
Miss Elder that she is the only woman
YOU ever loved?" at is a fact. Com
pared to her the others were mere girls. u
Boston Budget.
I've Just written a monologue."
man or a woman?" This monologue
and his wife. Life.
Blobbs- Let's go to the theater to-
night. Slobbs-What's the use? You
can see Just as many big hats on the
street, and it doesn't cost anything
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Houser-Have you any idea what
the papers mean when they say a man
is dabbling in stocksp Houser-Er--
that he has gone into pool, most prob
ably.-BufaIO CouAier.
when er man is terrible anxious ter
glib something away" said Uncle Eben,
~hit am er sho sign dat it amt much
count. Dis plies ter advice same as
anything else. D Washington Star.
"Now. here is a furnace that we
guarantee to be simple enough for the
average servant to run" "Um! What
you need is one that will run in spite OF
the average servant" - Philadelphia
Times.
Jinks-Why are you forever bother
ing me about that bill I owe you?
Minks-I need the money. Jinks -
Then you ought to be able to sympathize
with me. 1 need money, too.-N 7.
Weekly.
Young Van Marks Gin melancholy
tone)-O, l suppose | shouldn't brood,
but fortune seems reluctant to smile on
me. Harry Gray-Well, never mind,
old fellow; she will when she sees some
of your work.-Iruth.
The Colonel-Wen, sar, L remember
a case that happened once. When my
brother Tom. Listener Ga Hampton
University graduate) - Was that in
ante-bellum days, Colonel? The Colonel
No, sir, it was befo' the wah!- Vogue.
LADY, see you advertise good but.
ter, fine butter, extra butter, best
butter, and 'gilt-edged' butter. What
is the difference? New Boy (not very
well trained)-T 'gilt-edged' butter
is tit TO eat; the rest tisn't.-G00d NeUS.
Artie-Now, woman-ah-has been
mo- less befoah tn public-donshoo-
fob a generation. Can ye-ah-see
what she's done foh tn wuld? Modern
woman (studying him closely)-Lord
forgive her! Yes!- CleUeta11d PLAIN
dealer.
Mamma" said Willie, "do you pay
OSuuIe SIO d LuOuIu 1OI IOOhlHS d1lol
me?" No, $16." said mamma. "She
is good nurse and deserves it." well
/ say, ma, III look after myself for $40
You'll save Sc by ii. t."-Harper'S Young
People.
Little Willie-I was going fishing
Sunday but my papa wouldn't let me
Minister-That's the right kind of papa
to have. Did he tell you the reason
why? Willie-Yes sir; he said there
wasn't bait enough for two.-Sp0rt
Moments.
The tall girl mused aloud: "What,
said she, can do to bring the Coun
to his knees at my feet?" The short CIR
laughed a hollow, wan little laugh, with
a dash of bitters in it. Suppose, sale
the short girl, you drop dime Oh the
floor. - Cincinnati Tribune.
Stranger say religion has never
entered into politics in this town? Bos:
No, sor; an we don't intind to let it
a wise resolve, my friend" "Yis, sor
kaDin' religin out aV politics is aiSy