Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-11-18
JUST FOR FUN.

Psalm Books.
Little four-year old Ray, being ask
ed why he did not put his knife IN his
pocket, replied, "My pocket hasn't
got any floor in it."
When little Rupert saw vender's
horse whose ribs were plainly visible
the other day, he said to his nurse;
go, Ellen, just look at the horse with
corduroy skin!"
Uncle John Jimmie, if [ were to
take one dollar, and divide it into four
parts, and give a quarter to each OF
your brothers, what would be left?
Jimmie would.
Mother-Jack, what have you done
with the money you saved up last
week? Johnny-Papa told me to save
it for a rainy day. Yesterday was
the first one we had, so I spent it.
"Mamma,' remarked Johnnie Run
kles, after he had absorbed potash
lozenge which had been given him
for a sore throat, "wasn't Esau an
idiot to sell his b1rthright for mess
of this stuff"
Little Fred, visiting in the country,
and seeing for the first time pair of
oxen attached to cart, ran in to his
mother, exclaiming: go, mamma,
mamma! Come out and see this COW
buggy going by!'
Dog Fancier-Yes, madam, [ have
all kinds of dogs here. Is there any
particular kind you wish? Old la
dy(who reads the papers)-Oh, any
thing that's fashionable. Let me see
an ocean greyhound.
Roy's grandpa (to frankie, aged
ive)-Frankie, Roy's grandpa was a
little boy like you once. frankie
My grandpa wasn't never little boy,
I know. Coz [ was to his house a
great while ago, and he wasn't then.
At young ladies' seminary, dur
ing an examination in history, one of
the pupils was Intercepted thus:
ssMary, did Martin Luther die nat
ural death?" "No," was the reply,
sshe was communicated by bull"
What is more eXasperating than to
forget a good thing just as you're on
the point of saying it, and then go
| cropping round for it in the dark,
with the tail just tickling the fringe
of your Iecollections-and never get
it.
Johnny and Jenny were quarrelling,
and Jenny began to cry. ION" said
Johnny, "don't cry. I'll take back
all the mean things I've said" eyes,
y0u'lI take 'em back" sobbed the
girl. $50 you can have 'em to use over
again."
An Englshman sat at restaurant
table, critically viewing the soup he
had ordered. ''What is it?" said he
cts bean SOUP" answered the wait
err. 81 don't care what it's been,'
retorted the Englishman: II want tc
know what it ISL
Gillian" he said severely to the
new woman, ''did you mail that letter
I gave YOU this morning?" And Their
she put her hand in the inside pocket
of her overcoat, started, got red II
the face and almost wished that she
had never been emancipatec.
The most absent minded man was
not the man who hunted for his pipe
when it was between his teeth, MOI
the man who threw his hat out Of the
window, and tried to hang his cigar
on peg. No! But the man who pu
his umbrella to bed, and went ant
stood behind the door.
A Boston woman, who was trying u
recover parcel that had rolled unde
an electric car, turned apprehensivel.
to the conductor, and inquired If sh
would receive a shock if her 100
touched the rail. "Not unless you
other foot is on the trolley wire,
gravely replied the official.
The vexed question of conjugal ODE
dience was settled by Sturgeon in
characteristic way. In an address
the marriage of the daughter of
friend he spoke thus to the bride abou
her future lord: "Let him be tn
head, and do you be the neck, an
turn him which way you please"
A pretty story is about little DO
whose elder sister is much intereste
in photography, and who gives tn
family the benefit of many observa
tions about her work. The little DO
was taken to the courthouse to sc
the end of a certain trial. He cam
home. and told his mother about i
.sThe Judge made speech to the. j