The Anaconda standard., 1895-12-23
BURCH And HIS SOCK
The Latter 0bscured the Glare Of thG
Pesky lncandeScent.
AND THE FARMER sNOOZED
A Few Cherries Immersed In Very
Hard Cider Put the Old Man In
Reminiscent Mood-His Fa-
nous Egg Transaction.

Missoula, Dec. 22.-v. Burch has been
in town, V. Burch of Stevensville. He
came down Friday from the county
seat of Ravalli and remained over
night, and the occasion was higniy
entertaining one for those who met the
veteran Bitter Rooter. Mr.. Burch had
not been in Missoula over night before
since the memorable occasion when he
had so much trouble with the electric
lights That incident is familiar to
Missoula people. The venerable agri-
culturist destroyed two incandescent
globes before he called for assistance,
and when the bell boy came and
turned on the light for him he spent
an hour in silent reflection upon the
progress of civilization and the ad-
vance of science. He then realized that
in the seclusion of his valley home he
had allowed the world to get ahead of
him, and he was sad. Determined to
make a break to catch up with the pro-
cession, Mr.. Burch prepared to retire
that he might be astir early In the
morning and investigate fully the mys-
teries of the electric current.
In the glare of the incandescent wire
he removed his raiment, his eyes occa-
sionally resting upon the wreck that
he had made of the two globes which
had failed to give light in response to
his call. Sadly he shook his head as he
hung his coat and vest on one corner of
the mirror and threw his trousers over
the chair with easy grace. His shoes
he placed beside the bed and his hose
were draped over the tops of the Bit
ter Root brogans. Thus he peeled, lay
er by layer, until the light shone full
upon his sturdy limbs. He was ready
for bed.
But IL he had experienced sore diffi-
Guilty in turning on the light he found
all the more trouble in turning IL off.
He shook IL and blew at IL. He twist
ed IL and screwed IL. He pulled the
wire and he pressed the socket. The
light shone on. Vain were all of his
efforts. There was nothing for him to
do but to go TO bed and leave the light
shining. This he did but his efforts to
WOO slumber were as futile as had been
his attempts with the light. There was
too much glare and his mind was too
much disturbed by the struggles that
he had already gone through. He
could not sleep. He tossed and rolled
and kicked. but sleep could not be
coaxed or threatened. He was wide
awake. He must have sleep for he had
much to do on the morrow and a clear
head was necessary.
Suddenly a happy thought came to
him and there was peace in his soul
He arose from his couch and seized one
of the socks that he had hung loosely
over the top OF his shoes. This he
drew over the lamp and tied on firmly.
No ray OF light, not a glimmer, could
pierce that Bitter Root sock. Darkness
succeeded the glare, and with darkness
came peaceful slumber. The next day
he learned a whole lot about electric
ity and when he returned to Stevens
vile he was up with the times.
That was the last time V. Burch
spent night in Missoula until Friday.
On the latter evening he became rem
iniscent and related with great glee
his previous experience. In closing, he
expressed some curiosity as to what
new experience the night had in store
for him. He was not left long in sus-
pense. He met group of friends who
were about to indulge in a drink, pre-
paratory to dining and graciously ac-
cepted their invitation to join them
He said he would have the same" and
the bartender added another to the line
or delicate glasses, each filled with an
amber mixture i'm the bottom of which
lay cherry. The ruddy-faced veteran
of the valley tasted his beverage with
some caution but the first sip settled II
with him. Down went the whole dose
cherry and all, and V. Burch was in
the swim.
That's the best cider ever drank"
was his comment and he Joined his
friends in one more. BY the time he
had imbibed three more he was feeling
right, and he informed one of his
friends that electricity is wonderful.
but this yere cider is lest a little bit
ahead OF II. That was all. but IL dem
onstrated that V. Burch had added 10
his extensive stock of information a
thorough knowledge of the insiduous
Manhattan cocktail.
But with all his guilelessness. the
Bitter Rooter is no fool This fact has
been fully demonstrated on numerous
occasions, but there is one story which
has been told many times and which
proves IL beyond a doubt During a
recent egg famine. a well known poui-
try raiser from the Burnt Fork coun-
try. who is one OF the Oldest of old
timers, entered a grocery store and
asked what ranch eggs were worth. He
was informed that IL he had some good
ones, he could get 35 cents a dozen for
them. He replied that he would bring
them around in a short time and he did
so. That afternoon this particular gro
cery store did a land office business in
eggs. There were no others OF local
production in the city. and the "a dozen
which the Bitter Rooter had brought
in were soon sold. MEANWHILE he had
received his pay and had gone home.
The next morning the trouble began.
Every purchaser of eggs came into the
store with blood in his eye. Those eggs
were all of the most antique pattern.
and each victim demanded his money
back The cash was refunded but the
mystery Of the eggs was not solved.
The old ranchman had always furnish
ed good eggs before and how this lot
could have been so bad was not 10 be
accounted for. For weeks the duped
grocer pondered over the problem and
at length he solved IL. The ranchman
had gone from his store to another.
where he had begged some discarded
eggs on the ground that he wanted the
cases. They were given to him. He
sold the eggs and took the cases home.
This story Is true and demonstrates.
beyond question. that the Bitter Root
L.. -. llnc.I