Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-11-25
JUST FOR FUN.

Inc Cn1nSS man prizes Uno n1Ooo
are those the fellow just ahead of him
picks up.
That old philosopher must have
loved the chorus girl. She always
sings at her work.
''Who is your family physician?''
1--WE don't have any; we let our folks
die natural DEATH"
Friend-Were you successful with
your first case? Doctor : Yes; his
widow paid the bill.
Hunter Boy, did you see rabbit
run by here? Boy-Yep. Hunter
How long ago? Boy-It'll be three
years next Christmas.
A monopoly is good deal like
baby. A man is opposed to it on gen
eral principles until he has one of his
own.
A colored pastor in Texas, when de-
handing his salary, gave as his rea-
son, "Brudern, [ can't preach heah
and boa'd in heb'n"
Yeast Did you ever hug delu
sion? Crimsonbeak = Yes; before I
married I thought the woman I loved
was worth fortune''
Casey-P'hat made Mulligan fall off
de ladder? Did his fut slip? Reilley-
1t did not. Oh told him joke an hour
ago, an sure he just now tumbled.
"Why' Howard, child, how did you
cut your lip in that way?'' cried Mrs.
B. "Playing," said Howard. 'I was
playing was goat, an tried to eat
tomatter can"
Little Pet Con her knees before re-
firing Mamma, may pray for rain?"
Mamma Yes, if you want to; but
why? Little Pet Susie didn't invite
me to her picnic.
Hostess After I had finished sing
ing last evening Mr.. Gusher told me [
appreciated music thoroughly. Caller
Yes; he told me he thought that
was the reason you didn't sing often
er.
Dealer-Can't sellyou ono of these
photographic pens? The price has
come down to one dollar. Scribbler-
Is that SO? Now, if you can persuade
the ink to come down, [ might buy
one.
''I hardly know whether to marry
her or not" said the count. 'tHer ia
Their is in the clothing trade" "There
is money in her clothes,' said the
duke. 'sThere isn't any in mine,"
said the count.
In the fulness of!time Style was born.
"Wretched," sneered Art. "Barbar-
ous," sneerd Science. "Aoomnible, )"
cried the rest of the world, except
Woman. Woman smiled on it, and
the next day it reigned.
'sYou don't object to a contributor
dropping into poetry once in a while,
1 presume?' said the caller with an
affable smile. ''Certainly not, sir.
''Sit down." replied the editor, push
ing the waste basket toward him.
Beatrice sends us some verses en-
titled, "Why Do Liver" We can not
use your contribution, Beatrice, but
we can answer your conundrum. You
lives imply because you send your
verses instead of bringing them.
Mr.. Mann-That was very pretty
bonnet that Miss Kapote had ou. Mrs.
Mainland pray how long have you
been a judge of millinery? Mr.. Mann
Never claimed to be. All that [
know is the other women declared
that it was hideous.
Gus-Did you make an impression
on that pretty girl you got SO wild
over? George-I'm afraid not. When
I called she summoned her chaperon,
and the two spent the evening argu-
ing the points of new costume, with
me as umpire"
Mrs. Slimson severely = Willie,
this lady complains that you have
been fighting with her little boy and
wants you to promise never to do SO
again. Willie (to lady)-You needn't
be afraid, ma'am. Your boy will keep
out of my way after this.
| Hoods Pills liver ills, biliousness,
indigestion headache. A pleasant laxative
all druggis.