Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1895-01-10
THE CITIZEN
Thought She Was Wax.

There is nothing in this world that per
sons dislike more than being made to ap-
pear ridiculous, and there is nothing easier
than to fool persons.
went to museam twice last week and
sat down on the settee by the door of the
main hall, next to the wax figure OF the
old man reading a program. l settled into
a comfortable position, kept perfectly still
and waited to see how many persons would
mistake me TOR wax figure.
Men and women came in the museum and
stopped and looked at me. They would look
in the catalogue and find the description Of
the old man reading the program, but not
line about the young woman sitting near
him.
Then the attendant would come up and
explain that l was q new figure, just made
and put out that afternoon, whereupon the
visitors would remark that it was a won
derful imitation and walk away.
As long as they made no personal COM
ments 1 could stand II very well, but
Tuesday was the day for the hayseeds. and
| had such funny experience with Uncle
Jonathan and his wife, after | had been
there some time, that 1t nearly upset me
for the rest of The afternoon.
could see them as they came in the
door-a tall rugged man, about 80 years
old, with big boots, slouch hat and heavy
overcoat faced with bearski n, and little,
dried up woman, dressed inthe fnery of some
20 years ago, with sharp gray eyes, and
hands knotted from work-a couple To at
tract attention anywhere. They began at
the entrance and missed nothing Present.
|, they stood directly in front Of me and
perped euriously into my face.
/ began to be afraid of what was coming
| suppose l must have looked at them With
too natural an interest, for finally Uncle
jonathan said:
"Say Maria, do look sick or anything7
Do l look as if l was going to have a few
err"
why, no, John, what ye askin' me that
ferf" she answered, looking anxiously at
him.
"Nothin, only wish you would look at
them eyes in that fgger's head and see if
they foller you like they do me-"
| saw what was coming, and when she
them wide and put as much expression in
to them as l could. Then with wonder in
their faces they walked back and forth in
front Of me, not taking their eyes off for a
moment. did not move, bat let my glance
follow them without wagering.
Presently the woman said, turning to
her husband, With pathetic little quiver
in her voice:
"I think, John, I'd like to 90 home
Them figgers is so liielike, it's almost IN
cauny, and | don't think | want to see
any more" BY this time several persons
had gathered around the couple, their act
ions attracting more attention than any
thing else. | was so interested in keep
iag up the deception that | found no great
officially in keeping an unmoved cOunte-
nance. "Pouf! Wimmin Is always afraid
OF thlngsw Uncle Jonathan retorted,
with great show of bravery. 81 will jlst
snow you how silly it is to be scared of
only wax flyer"
He took hold Of my arm. and started to put
his hand under my chin when, still keep
lug my eyes on his, l said in as deep and
mechanical voice as | could assume:
Repent and sin no more~
He gave one blood curdling howl and
started on a dead run for the door, his
wife following with trembling limbs.
Others became very much excited and fol-
lowed the couple to the door, and for a
few moments pandemonium reigned.
When the attendant tried to stop the
man he dropped on his knees and, lifting
his elasped hands, said
I'll never touch another drop as long as
| live. Mister please let me %! Maria,
there, she'll witness what / say-won't
you, MariaT On, Lord, To think Pve got
'em SO bad | see wax tigers talk"