The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-09-15
THE MISSIONARIES DISCOVERY.

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THE MISSIONARIES DISCOVERY
or peach and honey joint, which 1 could
reach before breakfast any day if I felt
so dispoged, as Saircy Camp might say
But l cannot seem to combine old
peach, honey and business very we'll.
SO l let the former elements entirely
alone.
The party at Newburyport wishes NE
write him and seems DESTROYS of hear
ing from me personally. He SAYS, "I
would like real well to crospond. But
he can't crospond with me- The cx-
change of civilities with those who arc
sober occupies the bulk of my time. To
pause and keep liveried footmen wait
ing while ! write u long, spicy letter
worth $139 per column to an unknown
tank would be too obvious altogether
at least I think so now
r. Where the Newburyport crospondent
errs is permitting Jurisprudence to in
terfere with his drinking. The letter
certainly breathes spirit of earnest
hospitality, but there are other spirits
also breathcd i'll the letter, and there is
one page that looks as though he had
slept on it.
When he sees this today, he will be
glad and grateful that his name is not
printed in large gothic extended letters.
He asks if tho practice of cannibalism is
still going ON i'll the wild islands of the
sea, and what about the Vegetarians of
China?
Cannibalism is still kept up by the
old f. #. VS. of the south sea islands
but the younger set prefer soft shell
crabs. A man who was sent as a mis-
sionary to the south sea island called
Broongling Kzztt-j jjiZztt only year
ago last April. and who was in my class
at Yale, but who was outclassed aftor-
ward, wrote home that he ono day last
autumn went OH Il picnic with a young
Bible class of his, and after the lunch
of spoopju and lecture dates he strolled
away down tho valley with chief
named Uhli, who is as free from guile
CT Clothes as nations yet unborn.
Finally they came to great pile of
human bones, and near it was big sort
of monument, with strange inscription
on it.
All ~ said the missionary. "This was
once great cemetery where thousands
were left silent i'll death, with only
this tall stone to mark its site and the
vast ocean of whitening bones. What is
the meaning of the inscription, Uhli?"
The white man with the weak br ain.
who buys hooks instead of whisky, is in
error, said Uhli cit is not n cemetery.
1t is what you call caffay.'
Thus we see that along the borders of
the enlightened twentieth century, and
where the fin do bicycle has not as yet
came, they still take cold haunch of
missionary before retiring.
A little boy friend of mine once OH Il
wager made the following rhyme upon
the word Timbuctoo:
There are hcathcn in every cline
Who eat their brethren ono ut q time.
And even hero in Timbuctoo
They ate preacher and his hymnbook too.
One good thing about the Vegetarians
Of China is that their religious tenets
forbid the use Of missionaries for "a
days out of each month. Some of tho
Vegetarians do not eat animal food at
all, even butter and cheese, especially
cheese. Others are SO strict that they
will not eat horse radish, but this is
ridiculous.
l think there is good deal of big
otry in all religions except my own.
Once 1 knew a Chinese Vegetarian in
Marysville, Cal, who would not eat
eggplant.
In America we belong to church, a
lodge and u political organization, and
as each has n different evening for its
meeting we have quite repertory Of
things to tell our wives when we get
home, but the Chinaman has no genius
in this way, doubtless because he does
not consider his wife worthy of fairy
tale, for he combines his religion secret
society and Tammany Hall i'll ono big
organization, which requires him to as
sassinate those who disagree with him
and not eat gooseberries or other an