The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1895-08-21
A VISIT TO THE DENTIST.
It's Great Fun II You Only Take II In the
Right Shirt,


Right Spirit.
It's great fun to go to ones dentist. In
che first place, one Is always too late or too
early, for 1t is absolutely without the pale
OF human possibility to be on hand prompt
ly on such an occasion
II one be early, the wielder Of the forceps
ylares with i'll concealed intimation that
you are an intruder. II you be late, you
are informed with subtle, chilly politeness
that the lost time will be included in the
bill. And the bill Ye merciful powers,
the bill or course 1t Is courteously with.
held till the entire work is finished, but II
bangles over your head till you never, even
In the worst attacks of nightmare, dared
think of so haunting a sword of Damocles.
But to return. The chair, to begin with,
rs 1t Is wound up, raises in your trembling
soul all sorts of memories Of torture ma
chimes. The immaculate towel next pinned
lefty under your chin goes far to dissent
nate v ! ut little courage you may have left
in the remote ends of your anatomy, and
when your head is finally tilted back at an
impossible angle, and the dentist begins
| picking over the tray OF gouges, saws, files,
screws, skewers and chisels, you give one
frantic gasp Of terror, relax your tensely
lrawn muscles and make an unconditional
surrender.
The operator smiles blandly, picks up q
cold steel punch as though 1t were fairy's
wand and proceeds to search for the sus-
pccted cavity. He succeeds. He doesn't
leave the least doubt Of it.
| The assistant is fixture in all dentists
offices. She invariably eats onions, as you'll
| no doubt learn after she has bent over you
in tender sympathy for 10 minutes, and her
| la al tIx, tntr
mouth, In addition to all the DOCTORS fin
gers and several heavy instruments. Tn,
assistant has also acquired that CHASTITY re
assuring smile Of her employer, which
shows itself more and more broadly as tbs
cause for grinning grows more and mort
remote.
Another objectionable trait of the festive
dentist is his proneness to pun, and his
stock In trade Is used hour after hour, DAY
after day, year after year, with the SAINT
unvarying smile, to give 1t the semblanct
Of freshness. When one comes to meditat.
upon it, there is something almost admira
BILE in the heroic way in which the operator
andeavors to entertain each patient in turr
with the selfsame jokes. He never fails t.
clap both hands, six files and rubber dam
the la, ter words being conveniently reversi
Die, into ones mouth, too, just when he ha,
perpetratcd his strongest pun, SO that thu
poor patient can only squirm and glare II
reply. A deaf and dumb dentist, ono war
rantad to conine Lis attempts :; t torture Il
muscular exertion alone, would soon be s,
popular that his success would be equalet
only by that Of the tonsorial artist afflicted
In the same manner.
After a couple of hours of filing, till ev
cry molar. canine and incisor. feels yer,
sharp. and one side Of your mouth is full
inch nearer your ear than it ought to be
and your hair is ON end, and your collar 1
under your ear, you are finally released, bu
only with the comforting remark, "Al
your teeth need immediate attention"
You ransack what is left Of your brain h
recall how many teeth the physiology use,
to state were in your possession, and yol
waver out and down to the street wit
ideas Of making your will before you set 4
on the whole 80, while the bland youn
man up stairs casts sickly smile of col
graduation toward his sympathetic assis
ant as she ushers in the next victim.--Ch
cago Record