The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-07-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


"Shall 1 return his presents?" 'No.
He might be mean enough to accept
them. Life.
Diplomacy consists, first, in pre-
senting your ultimatum, and then see
ing how much of it you can get
Puck.
He-'rYou reject me because l am
poor" Heiress-"Say, rather, that
you are poor because l reject you. -
Boston Transcript.
Ar hear that your friend y. has
gone to South America. Was it upon
his physicians advice" B.-'No;
his lawyers. ."-Tit-Blts.
Kingley-"Does your wife try to
boss you as much as she used to?"
Bingo-'No; she doesn't even have
to try now. New York Herald.
So many things in this world have
to be taken with n grain of salt, "
that, along towards middle age, we
begin to grow rather thirsty. Life.
This worlds most eccentric place
The thought we cant dislodge--
One-half is begging for the work
The other wants 10 dodge.
Washington Star.
She-"I have an instructive feeling
that can trust you" He (passion-
utely) y)-"Ah, my darling, would that
some others felt that way. New York
Herald.
81 hear, Miss Impecuno, that you
have the bicycle craze. Eyes. That
is, have the craze, but I'm sorry to
say that 1 haven't the bicycle. ".--Har-
per's Bazaar.
Gather" said the boy, what is
insolvent?" "Insolvent, was the re.
ply, sis merely a long word used to
describe a short condition. House
hold Words.
''You used to do little trading on
change, didn't you, Higgs?' eyes. "
"Were you bull or bear?" "Nei-
ther, Blobbs. was n lamb. Chi
cago Tribune.
New Boarder Whats the row up
stairs?" Landlady-'It's the profes-
sor of hypnotism trying to get his
wife's permission to go out this even
ing" Spare Moments.
His teeth are loose and his nose is a sight,
And his head.-they've in bandages bound
it;
He went out to look for trouble last night,
Boston Courier.
Stern Father of the Girl-'1 saw you
kiss my daughter as l Ipassed the par
lor a while ago, and l want you to
know I don't like it.. Young Man
"You may not, but 1 do. Boston
Globe.
Proud Father -''This is sunset
nv daughter painted. She studied
painting abroad, you know Friend
-"Ah that explains it. l never saw
a sunset like that in this country. -
Tit-Bits.
Little Miss Muggs (haughtily)- My
sister never goes out without chap
eron." Little Miss Freckles (disdain
fully)-"My sister wouldn't be allowed
to, either, ii she was like your sister. "
Chicago News.
Debtor (apologetic) The payment
of that account IS source OF constant
anxiety to me, assure you" Cred
itor-''Very likely. You're afraid
you might forget yourself and pay 1t. -
Chicago Record.
"Say," yelled the exuberant
bleacher to the visiting gentlemen
who were making what lie termed a
kick, "why don't you guys play ball
Do you t'ink you are baby shown
indianapolis journal.
Landlord Logic: Prospective Ten
amt like the top floor best. Why
doesn't the fire escape go lower than
the third foor?" Agent-"lt isn't
needed. The first three floors are
empty. Harper's Bazaar.
Figg-"Wonder why 1t is that these
professional pugilists are such con-
founded takers" Fogg Perhaps
il is because of determination on
their part never to be struck speech
less. Boston Transcript.
Author-"pyo got great scheme
TO make Il fortune. 1 am going to
write book on the financial ques-
tion." His Friend-"Well?' Author
-"And then Pm going to write a re-
ply refuting it. Chicago Record.
Father Fritz, saw you last
evening helping home an intoxicated
student Don't do it again 1t makes
bad impression. Fritz-"OL,
that's all right. ! only did it to get
even with him. Fliegendo Blaetter.