Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1895-07-26
WIT AND WISDOM.

--Ill-gotten wealth can not build any
kind of house upon the rock.-Ram's
Horn.
Nothing is more dangerous than
an imprudent friend; better it is to
have to deal with prudent enemy
La Fontaine.
Watts Jim a-doin' of sence he
graduated?" Hes a-workin' for the
man that wrote his graduation speech"
Atlanta Constitution.
No matter how big woman's
sleeves are, she can tlways manage to
throw an Objectionable sutton over her
shoulder. Yonkers Gazette.
Lawyer bubbles. What was the
greatest trial you ever presided over,
Judgef Judge Kirby Bringing up
ten daughters, sir. Harper's Bazaar.
"A Pioneer.-Student to Professor
''Has it ever been discovered who was
the man in the iron mask?" Prof. Old
sport--"He was the original umpire. :"
Harlem Life.
Judge-''I can't See what / am to
hold this prisoner for. He says he only
hit your hat with a club, and you adj
init that Prosecutor--''Yes, your
honor, but was under the hat at the
time. philadelphia Record.
Tcacher-"This is 1895. Now, if your
sister said she was born in 1873, how
old should you say she is?' Johnny
"Twenty-eight." Teacher" but how
could that be?" Johnny THAT'S
what always puzzled me- Boston
Transcript.
Mrs. Young-Mother was here last
night. She stayed till after twelve.
Mr.. Young-Did she say anything
about my being out SO late? Mrs.
Young-No. She said she would wait
till 'he saw you to talk about that. :
Indianapolis Journal.
Young Joblots--Mr. Bullion, have
come to tell you that your daughter is
all the world to me. Old Bullion
You're another of those fellows who
want the earth. Young Joblots-I
don't understand you, sir. Old Bullion
Why, the world is the earth, isn't it,
and as my daughter is all the world to
you, doesn't it follow that you want
the earth? Young Well, yes,
if you put it that way.-N. Y. Tribune.
"A man dat will sell his vote ain fit
toe raise boy. Honesty is de bes' pol
icy wen vo' ah sho' oh elecshun. Sue
cess sumtimes has toe be paid TO arter
habin' bin fairly earned. Dose who all
sho OBJ goin' toe Hcaben wan toe talk
whole wurld wild dem. Our neigh
bos sees our faults, but dey hasn't seen
de bittah tears dey hab made us weep.
-Ebery time de debil maiks a hipper.
crit he has toe admit dat Tub is de
creates ting in de wurld. -Arkansaw
Thomas Cat
| --"Wonderful, isn't it." began the
Cheerful Liar, "what narrow escapes
children run when they are too small
to take care of themselves! / marvel
sometimes that anybody ever lives tc
grow up" well, what now,'' said the
Man Who Was Being Bored, resigned
iy. "0h, nothing much. Myyoungest
child fell out of the second story win
dow this morning" You don't say So
And tie little creature was not hurt al
all9 Miraculousr' Not SO surpris
ing. You see there was one of these
patent lawn-sprinklers playing righi
under the window, and when the
baby fell into the stream II tossed him
back and kept him tumblingrin the ali
till rushed in and cauR ut him. Gol
pretty wet. but there was no damage
done. But" added the Cheerful Liar
gloomingly, lit proved an expen
sive accident after all" "How
was that?" There was a water in
spector passing at the time, and wher
he saw the affair he came in and finet
me ten dollars for using SO big {
stream. ~ Buffalo Express.