Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-06-06


kansas City Journal.
Son-And what does father do for hfs
country? Mother-Nothing whatever,
my dear; he is a member of Congress.
Boston Bulletin.
He-You are the only girl who can
make me happy. She (coquettishly)-
Sure? Hc-Yes; l have tried all the
others.-Tid-b bits.
"No, Maud, dear, the quarterback Of
an excursion steamer Is not so called
because you can get seat on 1t for %
cents. "-Philadelphia Record.
Oldun-The girls are not so attractive
] as they were when l was young man.
Youngun-Don't you mean they are not
so attracted ?-Cincinnat Tribune.
That last poem of Jones' has the
right ring" said the editor. How sol"
"When / opened It q silver dollar
dropped outr'-Atlanta Constitution.
He-Why does Miss Middleage persist
in singing my Sweetheart's the Manin
the MoonT She-Because he can't
come down and deny it.-Harper's
Bazaar.
Money talks" said the oracular
boarder. TT talks pretty conclusive
ly," admitted the Cheerful Idiot, "but
at times it gets rattled."-Indianapol
Journal.
did you look at that bill left yes
terday, sir?" said collector to a MEN,
Der of Congress. "Yes," was the reply.
at has passed first reading."--Ex-
change.
Undergrad Bummler (espying his tall
or and his shoemaker sitting together
In a n)-Donnerwetter! A meet
ing of creditors, 1 do believe!-Dorf-
barber.
blessed If amt regular Trilby,"
muttered the man In the crowd after
being stepped on half dozen times;
Everybody gets on to my feet
ton Transcript.
Mrs. Grill-Oh, dear! I've sung to this
baby for an hour and she hasn't stop
ned crying yet. Mr.. Grill-Probably
she has been waiting for you to stop
Boston Courier.
Ford-Your lawyer made some pretty
severe charges against the other fellow,
didn't he? SmallwOrt-Y-e-e-s, but you
ought to see how he charged me.-Cin-
cinnat Tribune.
Teacher-Whichl letter Is the next one
to the letter "Hy' Boy-Dunno, ma'am.
Teacher-What have I on both sides OF
my nose? Bcy-FTeckles, ma'am.--
New York Herald
Abbott have never been in Chicago,
but 1 have been through the town
few times. Babbitt-I have been In
Chicago, but the town went through
me-Indianapolis Journal.
Justice-You are charged with steal
ing Col. Julep's chickens; have you any
witnesses? Uncle Mose-I heb not; I
don't steal chickens befo Witnesses
Browning, King & Co.'s Monthly.
'The curious thing about my bust
ness" said the mosquito, alighting soft
ly upon the nose Of the sleeping victim,
'is that it's more fun to go to work than
1t is to stay to hum."-Chicago Tri-
bune.
Weary Virgins (handing dipper)-
You look dry. Here's drink Of water.
Wayside Husks (waving the dipper
away)-Whats the use Of spelling a
good thirst like I've got?-Chicago
Record.
Miss Wellalong--I think made quite
sensation in my antique costume at
the levee last evening. Miss Market
made-Oh, decidedly! Everybody ex-
claimed, "HOw appropriate!'-Bosto
Transcript. <
Mr.. Figg-Do you know, my boy, that
it hurts me worse than 1t does you
when I give you whipping? Tom
Honest, paw? EYES," "Just gimme
another lickin' now, will you pawT-
Cincinnati Tribune.
"She treated you pretty shabbily."
Eyes. She's angry with some one."
with you?" "Oh, no; not with me"
"How do you know?" Because I'm
the one she's venting her feelings on. =
Chicago Evening Post.
Johnny-"Maw, 1 should think II
would be a heap more careless to cast
pearls before chickens than to cast 'em
before swine." His mother-"Why so.
Johnny" johnny" Cause they'd eat
'em."-Chicago Tribune.
Rollingstone Nomoss-"Did You ever
hear abodt Ragsey's financial difficult
ty? Taterdon TOrn-"No, what was
it?" Rolingstone Nomoss-"Somc gent
give i'm quarter, an he swallowed it. +"
Philadelphia Record.
"And you say your father is inter.
ested In me?" said Mr.. Stalate, greatly
pleased. "He seems So" she answered
HE worried about your health" my
health 2" Eyes. He thinks you have
insomnia. Washington Star.
Papa (soberly)-'sThat was quite q
monstrosity you had In the parlor one
evening" Grace, nettled Indeed
that must depend upon ones under.
standing of the term 'monstrosity.' ,"
Papa, houghtfully-"Well, two heads
upon one pair Of shoulders, for exam.
ple."-Boston Globe.
First new woman-"That Mrs. Um.
phry is horribly lacking In manners. "
Second new woman-"What Is the mat.
ter?" First new woman-'T saw her
In street car the other day when q
number Of gentlemen entered, and she
never offered to give up her seat to
them."-Chicago Record.
Did as He Was Asked.