davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Wasn't He Justified 2

Wibble-I hear that young Jinx has
broken his engagement with Miss
Flyer.
Wabble-Yes, and it's odd the way it
happened, too. You see, he left
monograph at the house, so she could
whisper good night" into it just be-
fore she turned out the gas, and send
it to him through the post. Wen, you
see, in the excitement of the affair she
forgot to shut the machine off, and he
not only received her words, but a
large and varied assortment of shores
that had accumulated while she was
asleep Tit-Bits.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
PARALYZEs The NERVES.
Why Ice Cream or Ice Water Sometimes
Causes Pain.

Why Ice Cream or Ice Water Sometimes
Causes Pain.
When the weather is very warm you
often run into an ice cream saloon to
try and cool your body by saucer of
the frozen delicacy. If you are In a
great hurry you are apt to make the
first few teaspoonfuls of the cooling
mixture rather large. This almost i'm
mediately gives you violent pain in
the temples, or somewhere in the re-
gion of the eyes.
Why is this? Did you ever stop and
think?
One man, who has studied the phvsi-
ology of the case, says 1t is caused in
the following m@nner: The frozen
sr.xtnre. coming into contact with the
nerves 81 the throat, Temporarily para
lyzes them. The sensation instantly
shoots to the center of the nerves,
which is in to- brain, but there is a
side connectiou the great facial nerve.
which starts from the front of the ear
and extends its branches over the side
of the face. This great facial nerve
sidetracks the pain which proceeds
from the chill, throwing it out along
the nerve which runs across the tenn
pies, the pain being keenest at the
point where the nerve branches.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Now is the Time j.,

The benefit to be derived from a
good medicine in early spring is mn.
doubted, but mary people neglect TAX
Ing any until the approach of warmer
weather, when they witt like tender
flower in hot sun. Some thing must
be done to purify the blood, overcome
that tired feeling aad give necessary
strength. Vacation is earnestly longed
for but many weeks, perhaps months,
must eIapse before rest can be INDUCED
10. TO impart streAeth, and to give a
feeling # health and vigor throughout
the tenn, there is nothing equal 10
Hoods Sars .parilla 1t seems perfect
~ adapted to overcome that prostra-
ton caused by change of season, eli
mate or lite, and while it tones and sus-
tains the system il purifies andrenovates
the blood.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

1t was the duchess Of Gordon, a clev-
er and beautiful Scotch woman, who
successfully dumfounded a pretentious
dandy. He was beside her at a supper
party, and in order to gain her good
graces, affected liking for the Scot
tish tong re, declaring there was not
Scottish phrase be did not understand.
Rax me a sprawl 4 that hubby
jock replied the duchess. without
changing a muscle Of her face
The exquisite looked appalled, and
then SUNK away in confusion. while
the commission was performed by a
cavalier mailing from the north Of the
Tweed. She wanted turkey-wing.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Jones-I f0ld YOU that I wound -
even with smith, and have.
BrownIIow did you do it?
Jones made my wife put on her
new observation-disclosures fty-dollar seal
skin sacque and go and call on his wife.
Judge.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
a sAGAcIous DOG.
The Newfoundland Was Bound to Have
His Evening Walk.

His Evening Walk.
There is a story of a French dog
whose breakfast was forgotten, where
upon he ran out into the garden and
returning with a sprig in his mouth,
deposited it at his masters feet. 1t
was sprig of forget-me-not The
truth Of this story is perhaps open to
question, but a story almost as remark
able has been furnished To Cassell's
Saturday Journal by gentleman
whose veraeity is said to be undoubted
The story runs;
Jack is handsome Newfoundland
dog. Every evening. at nine o'clock,
he is taken for a walk by his master,
who has an orangewood walking stick
which he particularly likes and usually
carries. Every evening at the stroke
OF nine Jack rushes to the hat rack in
the hall. noses about among the walk
ing-sticks and umbrellas until he finds
the orangewood stick, and Immediately
afterward appears before his master,
carrying it in his teeth. He wags his
tail and prances delightedly about, and
shows as plainly as possible that he
viii be a broken-hearted dog if his
friend and master omits the usual even
ing stroll.
One evening the family were in the
sitting-room with some guests. A
shower had come on and it was raining
hard when the clock struck nine. The
strokes had hardly died away when
Jack danced gayly in the room with
the orangewood stick in his mouth.
NO, Jack" said his master, I'VE can
net go tonight. 1t is raining too hard
We should get wet. Just listen to it,
Jack" With that the host turned his
attention once more to his guests, and
presently they heard Jack pulling over
the things in the hat rack. They sup
posed he was putting away the walking
stick, like the clever dog that he is
A few moments later a beseeching
little bark was heard. There in the
sitting-room door stood Jack. with an
umbrella in his mouth. Every one flew
for the waterproof and hat of the man
of the house, and that gentleman,
bearing the umbrella so persuasively
offered i,inI, oooiA Jack out ion his walk
without further delay.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Cynical.

An assault case, in which a husband
was accused of beating his wife, was on
trial in a certain court. A friend Of
the family had been summoned, much
against his viii, to testify as to the
blows. He was asked by the prosecu-
tor:
'You saw these blows admins
tered?'
Il did"
And did you see the very beginning
of the quarrel between them?"
Il did"
when was it?''
Five years ago"
Five years ago! How was that pos
sible?"
Il was a guest at their wedding"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Know nellght when He Saw u.

A teacher in primary school in East
125th street few days ago asked the
pupils of class over which she pre-
sides to compose sentence in which
the word delight" occurred.
A seven-year-old colored boy-the
only one of Darkton persuasion in the
CLASSIFIED up his hand.
"Well?" asked the teacher.
please, teacher" said he, ''when [
does gwine to bed at night always
puts out de light"-N. Y. Herald.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Zoo FoolIsh for Her.

was a guest at their wedding!'
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
A Plausible EXPLANATION.

when you sold me this cane you
warranted the handle to be genuine
ivory. | have had it examined and it
is not genuine. | want my money
back" said the customer.
IF the ivory is not genuine it is not
my fault | import the ivory myself
direct from Africa replied the genial
proprietor.
How do you account for it being
imitation"
i can't explain. except, that per-
haps, civilization has so far advanced
in Africa that the elephants have taken
to wearing false tusks. ''-Tammany
Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Minnie-Mr Billie. if l should con-
sent to be your wife are you sure you
would never object to my dressmaker's
bills, never refuse to buy opera tickets
when asked, never-er-in fact, never
object to any expenses which | might
wish to incur?
Mr.. Billie-Darling swear it!
Minnie-Well, MIR. Billie. il you can't
hold on to your money any better than
that l must say no.-Judge.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Grammar and Yeracitr.

Tommy, you shouldn't say / don't
want no more pier" said Tommy's
mother, as she beamed on him for
obeying previous orders to refuse pie so
thered be enough to go around for the
company. i
"Therel" shouted Tommy joyously,
as he passed up his plate, 81 knew you
wouldn't let me tell lie before the
ministerl"-Chicago Record.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
sUckLIN's ARNlcA sALvE.

The best salve in the world for Cuts,
Beuises, Sores, Ulcers. Salt Rheum,
Fever Sores, letter, Chapped Hands,
Chilh'ains Ccres, and 81 Sk:a ESap
tions, and positively cures Piles, or no
pay required. 1t is guaranteed 70 give
perfect satisfaction, or money rel anded.
Prize 20 cents per box. For sale by
JOSEPH L. BENNETT. 4Sl
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

A Young man in Lowell, Mass :,
troubled for years with a constant sue
cession of boils on his neck, was com.
plelelv cured by taking only three bot
ties of Ayers Sarsaparilla. Another
result Of the treatment was greatly i'm
proved digestion with increased avoir-
Cupois
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
The Retort Truthful.

Undertaker-How do you do, doctor?
Have not seen you for long time.
Doctor don't think / have had the
pleasure of meeting you.
Undertaker-0h, don't you recognize
the man who has covered up your mis-
takes daily for the past ten years.
Judge.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Clematia-After succeeding so we'll
in getting Mr.. Meanitall desperately in
love with you, why did you struggle so
hard when he kissed you under the
mistletoe?
Antigone-oh, just as a piece de re-
sistance.-N, Y. World.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Very sharn.

The ladies are all going to work
and earn all they can to help pay off
the church debt"
Mrs. Flaunt-lIow are you going to
get yours2
I'm get Rob to pay me a quarter
every time his meals don't please him !"
We'll. for my part, don't see any
use of the others doing anything =
Dallas lTex.l Times-Herald
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
No wonder She smiled.

Judge Peterby, of Harlem, is very
absent minded, particularly when he
takes a drop too much. He has large
family of children, and meeting a lit
tie girl on the street he stopped and
said to her:
Little girl, why do you smile at me
in such friendly manner?'
Because you are my papa. Texas
Siftings.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Rheumatism Cured in a Day

"Mystic Cure for Rheumatism and
Neuralgia radically cures in one to
three days. Its action upon the sys-
tenn is remarkable and mysterious. 1t
removes at once the cause, and the
disease Immediately disappears. The
first dose greatly benefits, rs cents
Sold by Stone & HasselI, Druggists
Lancaster, 48ly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Home Mottnes.

Peddler-Please, sir, perhaps your
wife would be pleased if you'd buy one
of my God Bless Our Home" notices,
beautifully colored and
Blinkers (savagely) = Fellow! My
wife has just applied for divorce.
Peddler-Ah! Well, here is some
thing she will like, then: ''If at first
you don't succeed, try, try again. IN.
Y. Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
a Recommendation.

She-I am afraid you won't like my
father
He-Why, pray?
She-Well, because of his unsocial
disposition. Most people consider him
very distant.
He-That's recommendation. 1t has
been my experience to find most men
in his class altogether too contiguous.
Richmond Dispatch.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Old Goodman (sighing)-I'm an old
nan now and living on borrowed time.
Young Fastleigh Then you're worse
off than / am. I'm living on borrowed
money, and times money, you know
BROOKLYN Life.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
In a Majority 81 Cases.

The Professor A young man is able
to live on a salary of SIS week. His
salary is suddenly increased to $50 a
week. What will be the difference be-
tween his expenditures and his salary
then?
The Youth Nothing Chicago Rec
ord
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
The Father

OF all diseases is impure blood, when
loaded with foul humor How impor.
ttnt. then. that the blood should be
pure. rich and strong. without which
there can he no health To purify the
blood Sulphur Buffers is incomparably
the best medicine that it is possible
10 OBJ ain.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
How to Kill a Fad.

Fogee-This bloomer business among
female bicycle riders makes me tired.
l wish could hit upon some scheme to
kill it in this town.
Hardhed-IIumph, that's easy! just
get one Of your newspaper friends to
slip in an item saying that the costume
makes the wearers feet look three
sizes larger than they really are.-Buf-
falo Courier.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Danger Avoided.

Daughter--Is it really bad form to
go shopping without chaperon?
Mrs. De Style Excessively Young
ladies who shop without chaperon arc
almost sure to forget themselves and
buy things. y Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Hardest wor,z Is Getting the Job.

1T must be pretty hard work pound
ing the pavement with that great ram
mer, said the idler.
Sure, said Mr.. Grogan 1T is not
the droppin' av the thing on the
shtones thot is the har-rd work. at all.
1t is the liftin av it up. indianapolis
journal
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Counted ont.

Walte4-Ma, want bicycle.
Mother-You should not desire any
thing too eagerly in this world. :
Walter (hedging)-But don't want
it very badly.
Mother (decidedly)-W can't en-
courage every little passing within. You
can't have it.-Pearsons.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
wanted a Rebate Probably.

Income Tax Assessor = You can't
claim exemption, Mr.. Smiles. Why,
man. you must spend $4,000 year the
way you live
Smiles ] know that. Sir; but | live
beyond my incomc.-Answers.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
So nnes n1r. Meni,e,.

"You pamper the child too much, Luz
cinda, said Mrs. Meeker's mother All
he needs is exercise.
He gets plenty Of exercise, mamma,
I'm sure, responded Mrs Meeker.
Orlando walks the floor with him two
or three hours every night. Chicago
Tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Now Tnele Ned, isn't it the sweet
est little cherub in the world?"
well, Lucy. I'm not very well up
on cherubs. but as specimen of plain
human baby he is certainly a bowling
success. Puck.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
A Great Record.

Trivvet-Miss Flop claims to have
made thousand refusals of offers of
marriage.
Dicer-That's easily explained. When
young Callow asked her to marry him,
she replied: No, thousand times
no. Truth.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Equal to the Occasion.

Old Beau-IIow you have grown since
l saw you a year ago, Miss Winifredl
l;rigbt-Eyed Danscl - il lot tne
smallest fraction Of an inch taller, Mr.
Gayman. got my growth three years
ago.
Old Beau-o, but you've grown ever
so much in my Chicago
Tribune
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Mrs Newlywed John, love, you must
really grow beard.
Mr.. Newlywed Nonsense, pet; why
do you wish that?
Mrs Newlywed-So that when you
carry baby nights he'll have something
to grab hold of.-IIarper's Bazaar
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Mell Meant.

Miss Antique Miss Peneash said an
awful thing about me. She said she
Thought ! was getting passe.
Young Tutter lgallantlyl- the
contrary ! should say that you were
remarkably young for your age
brooklyn Life.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
said Too Much ALREADY.

Judge-You are charged with assault
and battery. What have you to say?
Prisoner-Not a word, yeronner. It
was sayin too much got me into this
scrapc tit Bits.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
4 Modern samsnn.

lie could llft a mighty dumbbell. weighing
twice four hundred pound.
lie could poise the heaviest Indian clubs and
swing them all around;
Yetthis Hercules OF muscle proved as weak as
any mouse
When he pied to lift the mortgage he had put
upon his house
N Y. Herald
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
TIE I.nIlnr nnestinn.

Foreman--See he Maginnis, this
dago here is doing vice the work you
are.
That's phat olive bin a telling him
for the pasht hour, but the bloody
Oitalyan won't shtop. "-Tammany
Times
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Great men never make bad use of
their superiority; they see and feel il,
and are not less modest. The more
they have the more they know their
own deficiencies.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Not Much Satisfaction.

Little DickI wish was Quaker.
Aunt-What notion! Why?
Little Dick-When ! fight hitler
boy than me, everybody says / ought
to be 'shamed, and when 1 fight
bigger boy | get licked. Good News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Florence Nightingale: at the age

Florence Nightingale: at the age of
seventy four. is enjoying excellent
health. She is a rich woman, having
besides some private means the two
hundred and fifty thousand dollars pub
licly subscribed for her by the English
people at the close of the Crimeau war
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

1t is much safer to reconcile an enc
my than TO conquer him; victory may
deprive him of his poison, but recoucili-
alton of his will,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
And Rnrieri-

What do you think of these living
pictures, any way?"
4 think ! should prefer that most Of
them we're dead. Brooklyn Life.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
A Warming.

Ada don't think Blanche cares
nearly as much for her husband as she
did
Ida-Well, she has reduced him to
complete submissions; and now, of
course, she finds married life insipid. -
Puck
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Test ~ stxle.

Mother That note paper is certainly
very quaint, but are you sure it is fash
ionable2
Daughter-oh, it must be. 1t is al
most impossible to write ON tn. Y.
Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
500 Inaptlr Chnracterized.

You called him hog because he
took up two seats?"
Yes"
what did he say?"
''He grumbled something in reply.
but ! could see he was bristling with
indignation N Y. Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Thousands of cases Of rheumatism
have been cured by Hoods Sarssparilla
This is abundant reason for belief that
it will cure you.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Whatsoever that be within us tn
feels, thinks, desires and animaies. is
something celestial, divine, and conse-
quenilY, imperishable.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
ArtfuI Thing.

She said to the youth as they stood at the door
While parting-the artful thing:
Don't knock, if you please as you did before,
But next time come with ring. "
N V Press
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Reasonl.l : f-om Analogr.

Hanks-My baby is only nine months
old and can talk
Persist must be a girl Detroit
Free Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Allsolntely Defenselea..

You have bad cold. nc said.
Il have, She replied, huskily. II
ara 50 hoarse that if you attempted to
kiss me / couldn't even scream. ~ Y.
Press
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Your VIE.

She smiles. and from past sins abso1ves
The while she hears You swear off,
Though wen she knows your GOOD resolves
Within a month win wear Of
-T,fHlsa
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Envy is passion so full of cowardice
and shame, that nobody ever had the
cowardice 10 own it.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Greenland was so called because in
summer its hills were covered with a
beautiful green moss.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
rho Wrong Kind.

Harvard Student-Is there no way a
my getting the key to ur heart?
Miss Newhaven-l'm afraid not. It
has Yale lock.-N. Y World.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
Children Cry for Pitchers Castoria

When Baby We er Castoria.
When she was a Child, an- vsled for castoria,
When she became Miss. she clung to castoria.
When she had Children, she gave them castoria.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

The mind IS its own place. and in it
self can make heaven Of hell, q hell
of heaven.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

If there is any truer measure of
man than by what he does, it must be
by what he gives
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Gus Clamwhooper-So you are hap
PLY married to Miss Birdie McGinnis.
Pete Amsterdam suppose SO. She
is happyand am married. Texas Sift-
ings.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
SMART LITTLE GlRl-.
Fannie Erdofy Knows Language for
Every Year OF Her Age.

Little Fannie Erdofy is only four
years old, but she is one of the most
accomplished young ladies in New
York. She speaks four languages
fuently, and her father promises to
teach her two more before she reaches
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14
A Strong Motive.

Miss Romantic suppose the most
of your stories have some substantial
basis?
Mr.. Scribbler-Yes; the fact that l
have to pay my rent monthly in adj
vance. Puck
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

His daily prayer, far better under
stood in acts than words, was simply
doing good.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1895-02-14

Mrs Hicks-You needn't mind about
those hannels l asked you to get for
Diol-