Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1895-03-29
nUMOR OF THE DAY

Advertising is the root of all money.
A gamo leg-The quarter of vcnison.
Ono man in thousand-The Col.
onel.
A resolution is easier to pass than
to keep.
An invention of tho enemy is
never patented. Statesman.
Selfishness often shows very bad
social taste Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"Figg is always setting trip for
his wife" Jealousy, is it?" "Nopel
mice. Inter Ocean.
'tHistory repeats ITSELF" but that
is because it is getting old and volum-
inously garrulous -Puck.
Lovo shows itself by deeds; but it
is often confoundedly hard to get
wife to sign ono with you.-Puck.
Men are either good because they
have not been found out, or because
they are not married. tchison Globe.
.Dr. White is specialist, is he
not? What is his sopeciulty?" "He
has two-consultations and fees. =
Vogue.
A man has beon known to stand in n
corner oil dry, wondering Mt tho
worlds ideness. -Clcveland Plain
Dealer.
Tho Dincr-"W aiter, why didn't
you keep your thumb out of the
soup?' The Wniter-"Oh, it isn't
hot Detroit Free Press.
Microbes in tho kiss, You sayl
Right You arc, my boy.
Little germs OF purcst bliss, L
Dacilli OF joyl ~
-uarpor's Bazar.
| Ono of tho lessons OF life which
many people never learn is that it il
not necessary to mako an ass OF one
self merely because ono has magniii-
cent opportunity.
"Looking for work, are your"
asked the good lady. ooh, not that
bad, NUM-" answered Mr.. Everett
Wrest. ''Jist merely waitin' fer it. :"
Cincinnati Tribune.
Hairdresser-"M Madam, what color
do you wish your hair dyod?" Miss
Oldgirl-"Oh! l nm not particular !;
any color so you keep it dark. y
Smith, Gray & Co. IS Monthly.
Tommy-"Paw, what is tho differ
ence between vest and waistcoat?"
MIR. Figg-"rhe vest is tho most like
ly to have big roll of bills in its
pocket. Indianapolis Journal.
Binly-"That man ahead of us is IN
| inventor out of luck" Finly-"How
| do you know" Binly "Why even
, the ends of his trousers legs nre in
7 fringing. Philadelphia Inquirer.
Embarrassment and shyness fire.
quently differ from each other. When
young man is embarrassed for money
) his sbyness doesn't stop him from try
: ing to borrow some.--Philadelphi!
Life.
young lady singer asked gentle
man which of the two he would prefer
to be blind or deaf He answered =
"Deaf, miss, when 1 nm looking n
you, and blind when hear you sing.
WISCONSIN Star Journal.
:, 'I see," observed Mr.. Chugwater
: looking over his morning paper
- "they're making another effort to pu
. !. tax on bachelors" sis that til
. single tax I've heard so much about ?
- inquired Mrs. Chugwater. Chica3
o Tribune.
Y What contradictory thing is mar
"a When we are II boy and love molasse
le on our bread we can only have littl
10 of it, but when we grow up and ca
% hayo all the molasses in the world W
al do not caro- for it ut all. -Portlan
is (Me.) Tribune.
l. "You ought to know better than
y put small coins into your mouth,
IS said the old gentleman to the boy WI
:, had just BACKED his boots. Wher,
IS upon three richly appareled ladi
r. who were hurrying past to catch
= street Car paused moment and locke
Indignantly at tho speaker. --Ohicae
Tribune