Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-05-22
Siraiuia free gress.
0

My son, let me give you a pointer"
Irrsverent Boy-Tda heap ruther have a
pug.
The new Goyerness-What are the COM
p~arative and superlative of bad, BerIie?-
Berthe THE doctors son)-Bad-worse-
dead.
Lady engaging 4 new servant)-I hope
YOU don't mind children? Seryant-Oh,
no; l always leave the missus to look after
them.
'You say her marriage was q failure?"
"Well, I don't know what else to call it.
Not half the people who were invited
came"
Life Insurance Agent-What did your ia
Their and mother die Of? Uncle Humsted-
don't rightly know bat t wsrn't nothin'
serious.
Mr.. Commoustock-But is the Count gift
ed with common sense2 Daughter (indig-
natly i should hope not, papa. He's .
nobleman.
Patient-Ah doctor, / had a great fear
of being buried alive until Doctor
Until what? Patient-Until you took charge
of my case
He (rezuming his seat after a brief visit
outside)-What an atmosphere Of realism
there is about this play. She-Yes; smells
like cloves.
The proprietors of a West Philadelphia
sale.stable have this sign outside their es'
Enlistment: III you are looking for mules
don't forget u"
Aristocratic Faiher-And your ancestors?
Aspiring Yonth-Ohl have 'em. had
Il father and mother, and so did all their
people before them.
She-It will be q pleasure for me TO share
your troubles and anxieties. He-But |
haven't any. Sbe-Oh! you will have
when you are married.
"Why don't you so to work? Why DO you
waste your time begging?' Did you ever
beg?' mo, OF course not" Then you
dou't know what work is"
Mrs. Naber-Your husband is i'll, isn't
he? Mrs. Shaller-Yes quite i'll. Mrs.
Naber-Do you think he will live? Mrs.
Shaller-Oh, yes; he's insured.
"It's her disposition to make light Of Sc
rious things" he said mournfully. Yes"
replied Cholly Luvlorn. "She even burns
the poetry | write about her"
She-You must ask father for his consent.
He-He won't give it to me. She-Why
not? He-He's to close. He never gave
anything to anybody in his life.
The Tourist-You seem to be proud Of
your family title, The New York million.
aire abroad (proudly)-Of course l am I
paid for it in good hard dollars.
Gussy-Why do you persistently wear the
hair Of another woman ON your head ? Be-
atrice-For the same reason that you wear
the skin of another calf on your feet.
Emily, If William to-day asks you to
marry him you must tell him to speak to
me-" yes, mamma but if he does not p
"Then tell him | want to speak TO him! ~
Nervous Old Lady-Now, you'll he care.
ful going down; won't you, young man
Elevator Boy-Ob, you needn't be afraid.
ma'am. | amt killed anybody yet this
week.
Sweet Girl-Papa says You cant afford to
marry. Ardent Youth-Nonsense l can
get a preacher to perform the ceremony for
81. Sweet Chilean you? How foolish
papa il!
Amy-Does Alice Sharp know you we'll
Sappington-Oh yes. Why, she takes all
sorts Of liberties with me; she called me a
fool yesterday, "Did she? She mus. know
you quite we'll"
She-I hayc been listening to an %awfully
clever man for the past hour. He-Theu
you may find me dull. She-Not at all
One can't stand too much Of that sort Of
thing, you know.
She-I can't help thinking | have seen
your portrait in the newspapers somewhere.
He-Oh, no doubt it's often been publish
ed. She-Then l am Lot mistaken. What
were you cured Of?
"Tbere Is one satisfaction" said the fin
de steele girl, ain being the recipient of at
t%eutions from a titled foreigner" whats
that?" "You know that when he proposes
he means business"
Boarding House Mistress lat Sunday div
uer)-Mr Jones, why DO you not eat SOM
chicken? Mr.. Jones who has Iabored Is
minutes trying to carve q legl-Thanks;
never work on Sunday.
Hoax see they have a new name for
those high buildings which arc being erect
ell. Joax-Indeed? What is it? Hoax
They are called serial buildings, because
they are continued stories.
The New York Presbytery has been IN
dertaking to discipline one of its clergymeu
for drinking strong coffee. 1t is not the
drinking OF coffee that exposes a man to
suspicion. It is the chewing Of it.
"Who," asked the pastor, will undertake
10 raise this money for the church? The
converted counterfeiter rose in his pew