The Wilmington daily Republican., 1895-08-29
w,colsswonrn spnInklEs.
a. Eirst the Machine Wouldn't wor
Afterwnrd n Did.

A. Elrst the Machine Wouldn't Works
AftcrwArd n Did.
"oh, dear" complained Mrs. wiggles-
worth, "its so awfully dusty can't keep
the house clean q minute"
"Poohi" commented Mr.. Wigglesworth,
with a mans enlarged view Of housekecp-
ing, ''that's like a woman. Don't s'pose
'twould ever occur to ye 10 sprinkle the
street. That's where your dust comes
from. Wet the street down and ye'd have
a olean house enough. Any fool knows
that. I've known 1t for years.
but how can we sprinkle itf' she won
dered, after deep cogitation.
"why sarne's anybody does, of COURSE"
explained Mr.. Wigglesworth. "Wha'd ye
s'pose2 Think ye used lawn mowerf
Wanted cross cut saw pro'bly--that's
what most people use."
with an inflnitude Of this sort Of tn
BILE talk did Mr.. Wigglesworth lengthen
the dinner hour. At evening he came pcr-
spring home under the weight Of some
small rubber hose and revolving lawn
sprinkler.
"Therep' he puffed, unloading his bur
den, "now we'll show ye how to keep
rlean.n
Hurrying through supper with less than
his usual critical review of the biscuits,
Mr.. Wigglesworth hastened to the lawn
"what is this iron thing with the crook
ed arms forY" his wife wanted to know.
"That's to wet the lawn with, Of course"
returned Mr.. Wigglesworth In tone of
Importance. "What ye think / got 1t for
to bake bread with2 Reckon it's for the
hired girl to use in breaking dishes, don't
YER
To which oral accompaniment Mr.. Wig
tnA att inar
the hose to the kitchen faucet and then
making the other end fast to the sprinkler.
1t was an upright iron device, painted
green, with four eccentrically branching
arms of polished metal.
"Now, Emma" he called in tone Of
authority, "ye let ON the water In the
kitchen, and III show ye something
that'll surprise ye."
And that was what he did after the fol-
lowing manner, to wit:
Mrs. Wigglesworth attended TO the kitoh-
en- faucet as directed and then ran hastily
out TO witness the display, but the foun-
tain was dumb.
"why don't ye let on the water9" cried
her husband testify.
"I did," answered Mrs. Wigglesworth
"Well, why don't the thing squirt thenP
growled Mr.. Wigglesworth, and he rushed
down to have a look at it.
"YahP' he snapped as he noticed the
turn cock on the machine. "DOn't ye
know enough to let 'em all on at onceP
S'pose waters going to squirt through
q stone wall?"
| With his usual precipitation he fetched
| q wrench at tho cock, and the polished
arms began whirling merrily. Mr.. Wig
| ellsworth, on his hands and knees, fell
easy prey to tho showering water.
"Yowr" he yelled, souttling about ON
| all fours: "Shut her offl What ye doingl
| Get outr' But the swift revolving ma
chine, under full city pressure, distributed
| IT'S streams with such liberal and diverse
! eccentricity that the blinded Wigglesworth
was utterly unable to get free from 1t un-
til his wife, rallying from her stupor,
rushed to the kitchen and shut off the
supply.
wigglesworth, dragging his leaky person
up the stoop. "Don't ye know anything
in the worldp Amt ye got more sense
than to go letting on that faucet fore I'd
had time to turn on the machinef"
"You--you told me to-" stammered
Mrs. wigglesworth.
"Told ye TOP snapped her husband
trailing his watery course up the front
stairs. "What's that got to do with itp"
argument, Mrs. Wigglesworth contented
herself with mopping up her husbands 8
trail and listening to the rumble Of his ut
terances as he charged about the room
above putting on some dry clothes. Hear
ing him coming down later, she discreet
ly Withdrew into the pantry, while Mr..
Wigglesworth went out on the lawn and
kicked the polished arms off the sprinkler.
Somewhat Modified by this transaction,
he put nozzle to the hose and fell to lay
ing the dust In the street. There was
something SO pleasant iu the singing Of
the water as 1t spurted through the nozzle
and flung its refreshment upon the dried
and powdery thoroughfare that Mr.. Wig
glesworths nature softened. n &
"That's the stuffP' he said, with an air
of satisfaction and he deserted a variety
| of figures on the dusty face of the street.
The minister stopped and beaned upon
the performance.
How delightfully."- cooling and invigo-
ratingr" he exclaimed.
"Yes, 'tain't bad" Mr.. Wigglesworth
acknowledged .oomplacently, as II in a
sense he was responsible for 1t.
"Thore Is something so grateful In these
showers Of water upon the parched and
thirsty earth," the minister continued,
"and nature always exhibit in her instant
| VbN1fulCdttOD tnb Bfdthouho hAic "a bOii iohNt1
at such generous contributions
"That's so" nodded Mr.. Wigglesworth,
wetting down passing dog.
when Moses In the wilderness"-
But before the minister could draw his
parallel fashionable outfit dashed up the
street. A stout, red faced man was driv
ing, and two beautiful women in light
summer costumes sat at ease upon the
rear seat, appearing to great advantage
Mr.. Wigglesworth had turned his head tc
attend the minister, and the red faced mar
was within the circle of the watery stream
before anybody realized what was the mat
ter. He uttered hoarse yell, natura
enough to the occasion, whereat Mr.. Wig
ellsworth turned hastily, with just enough
agitation TO direct his stream into the real
seat, where he had the summer costume,
wet down in less than two seconds.
With another roar the red faced man wa
over the wheel. Tho minister, In the in
terest OF peace, started forward. The rel
faced man came roaring up the stream o
water which Mr.. Wigglesworth, In dazet
manner, kept steadily playing, and, hi
eyes blinded, seized tho minister by tn,
collar, and shrleking and spluttering the,
both went rolling under the carriage, while
Mr. Wigglesworth, petrified with horror
stood and soaked the water Into them a
they fought.
"That's the way I always get servet
when do things for ye," he growled a
they were locking up the house for th
night. II didn't know who that maj
was till the policeman got him stood VI
and we'd washed him off, and then /
turned out to be old Wetherbee. He's OF
my note" Mr.. wigglesworth added gloom
fly, "and wanted to renew 1t next week.
"But feel worse about DR.. Fyfthlie,
moaned Mrs. Wigglesworth.
HE did get an awful soaking" Mr.
WigglesWorth Rrinned