Connecticut western news., 1895-11-14
wlGeLEsWoRTH AND THE LADDER.
He Expected to Do Great Things With 1t.
 A Sad Ending.

He Expected to Do Great Things With It.
 A Sad Ending.
 Tho yagrant autumn winds, ruthlessly rending the dying leaves from their boughs, whirled them dizzily aloft and then went away, leaving the larger part of them lying in the gutters of Mir. Wig glesworth's house. Then followed the driving rains and the leaves, in sodden masses, packed themselves closer and rem dered the gutters quite obsolete.
 What was the surprise of Mrs. Wiggles- worth on looking out of tho window to see her husband tacking up tho street un- der the discouraglng weight of 30 foot ladder His hat was jammed severely on the back of his head, an angry light played upon his features, and his wife could read, even at that distance that all had not gone we'll with the ladder. Even as she gazed, with amazement browning her wis age, the autumn breeze caught at one end of the ladder and thrust it about, so that its other end picked of the bonnet and top hair of woman who was on her way to the postoffice, and who instantly emitted a startled scream, whereupon MT. Wiggles- worth whirled the ladder around just in the nick of time to project 1t into the stomach of fat gentleman, whose breath it instantly shot out of him with loud woofl
 Mrs. wigglesworth could easily discern | these particulars, and her imagination supplied the language of the fierce alter cation that immediately ensued. Full of kindly interest for her husband, she rushed to the front door. "Why, Elleryl' she cried in voice charged with sympathy, "what have you | got therei'
 What ye s'pose 1t isf" retorted Mir | wigglesworth, who at that moment had the ladder involved in the gate, where 1t caught in seven or eight different places at once. "Think it's a soda fountain, don't yef Looks like horseless wagon prob'lyf"
 .'I see that it's a ladder" said Mrs wigglesworth in a placating tone, "but what are you going to do with itf''
 What does anybody do with n ladderf" snarled Mir. wigglesworth, mashing a picket out of the gate, and then, as the lad der suddenly fetched loose staggering vio- lently into the yard and poking out cell lar window. "Going to use 1t to sift ashes with, of course. Wha'd ye s'pose I got 1t for to wear to a masquerade bally"
 Throwing the ladder to the ground | and kicking it once or twice as a relief to his feelings, MT. Wigglesworth pulled his necktie of his shoulder and took critical survey of the house caves.
 First thing" he said when his breath had got to playing regularly through bis l lungs, lis to hist the thing up."
 "You want to get right under it and keep pushing" suggested Mrs. Wiggles- worth.
 That's it," returned her husband, Eye hit it first time. How to Find | f~x, rth fnr the use of wives who want to make home attractive In spite of themselves.
 Grasping the ladder at one end, he raised 1t Above his head and walked slowly under it until its weight became excessive.
 Catch hold here can't yef" he cried, "want to see the thing fall and cave in my head?"
 Mrs. Wigglesworth promptly lent assist ance, and the instant her husband felt the relief he took down his own benumbed arms and caressed them. Mrs. Wiggles- worth endured the burden for few briei seconds and then, with a loud cry, dropped her hold and jumped away. The ladder, clattering downward, scraped closely tc Mr Wigglesworth's ear and nearly broke of one of his shoulders.
 When he had recovered, they called tho hired girl. Mrs Wigglesworth was showr | the ladder, while MT. Wigglesworth ant Imogene should begin at the other end ana ES slow progression raise 1t against th' side of the house.
 "Lifti Liftr' grunted Mir. wiggles worth to the hired girl. Don't leave il all for me to doph
 "It's beginning to lift at this end, called Mrs. wigglesworth in agitation.
 "Well, hold it still,'' bawled her hus band.
 1T can'tp screamed Mrs. Wigglesworth and then, to her horror, she felt herself slowly rising from the ground.
 MT. Wigglesworth and Imogene, having penetrated beyond the center of gravity acted as fulcrum, and the longer end O the ladder, following the law of physics trailed downward, lifting Mrs. Wiggles worth at the opposite extremity. Tht weight pressed awfully upon Mir. Wiggles worth, but he dared not loose his hold fo fear it all might come down upon him il , disaster. Then he noticed his wife.
 "Get of that ladderr' he yelled. "Wha | ye doing up theres"
 "I-I can't help it. Elleryi" screamed Mrs. Wigglosworth, gripping tenaciousl, lat the rounds "Oh, do let me downV' sI1&eLet ye down"' howled Mir. Wiggles l worth. "How ye s'pose I'm stopping ye Boost, can't yef' he hissed to the hireS girl, who, with eyes stonily set in he head, held aloft a pair of red arms tha never winced nor faltered.
 Staggering about in this painful fash ion, a seesaw motion was communicate to the ladder, and Mrs. Wigglesworth beb bed slowly up and down like an old fash } toned pair of steelyardss
 Quit that teeteringp' shouted Mir wigglesworth, the veins of whose necl . were gotting ready to burst and run al over his wilted collar. What ye thinl this Is, a gamer Reckon it's a Sunda, school picnic, don't yey'
 These observations seemed to be forcet ,, out of him explosively, as he trod up an' 1. down the soggy lawn. People going b. had to stop, astounded to see a man an' ] woman balancing ladder above thei ] heads for no ostensible reason and anothe woman bobbing away upon one end of and screaming. A crowd of these peopl
 now lined the fence, and some of then even volunteered advice.
 'sI wouldn't stay up there any longer, kindly ventured a benevolent lookinl man. "That rocking motion is certain t D produce nausea"
 "It's an elopement-don't you see 1 , isf" put in man with purple nose , "That old fellow under the ladder caugh her just in time.
 "She looks too aged to be eloping, salt a man in whiskers. "You can't tell" retorted the purpl J nosed man, with shake of the head
 "Some of these women will do anything to get married"
 "I think" called the benevolent look
 ing man, "that if you can hold on for E few moments longer I can ring up tn hook and ladder company" And b
 made as If he would start off instantly. s Some of these remarks penetrated to tn
 oars of MT. Wigglesworth. Maddened b.
 the dreadfulness of the situation, enrago' , by the thought that he was creating soene that would be certain to get Into tn
 papers, he put all his strength into actioi
 and charged with his burden up the drive