The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1895-07-11

That Was Cheap at ANY Price--A scene
In Upper Tendon - I'm Appeal For
Courtesy to the Assessor.
When ly telling The truth an evil Is
rerpetrated then it Is wrong TO tell the
truth. l suppose that is the reason -
many people are doing gaqd by telling
fal>ehoods t. personal property as>ess-
ors. The writer Is Il deputy assessor IN
the west town, and AZ present hel, com
pilng Il book that il full Of ua~,es ana
figures The paues 2rc al right, but
the man who smd Figures ant lie
never assessed personal property.
There are about 10 of IT, assessors,
who form IN a Inc AT 8 a III, move up
to a window in Assessor jacob NJ
Horns West town Office, Havmarket
Theater building and get ou1 books and
blank schedules These calfskin covered
books contain a little map Of some par
ticular district III the great West SIDE.
We move out to these districts and 20
To work The town clerk registers our
oaths to faithfully perform the duties
Of an assessor and the people we as
se>s do the rest Of the swearing. That
isn't all Sometimes they set the dog
on Us and otherwise treat us as though
we We're book agents That makes the
assessor warm and then he interviews
a neighbor regarding property that Is
not accessible. And the consequence Is
people who "houncedn the assessor will
find Il valuation placed upon their prop
erty that will eause them to think there
is nothing certain but death and taxes.
Occasionally we find poverty and pi-
ano together. The piano IS aSsesSahle,
and the poverty isn't If You assess the
piano you increase the poverty, and
there you are
These incongruities come up, and un
less you have the wisdom of n hoard of
equalization there is trouble. Speaking
about this board, | have an idea that
they will Just about double the poor as
SCISSORS figures when they get down to
work. A keen assessor can locate every
piano i'll his district. If he doesn' t hear
it, everybody else i'll the neighborhood
has, and they tell him about it. | asked
real nice looking lady the other day if
she had piano. and she said mo.
"Why, yes, mamma, we have, said
her little girl
The mother said; Go into the house
this minute, you naughty girl Hon
dare you - And then the child knew 81 J
had done something wrong She had
told the truth to a nasty, mean assessor.
| went into little candy store Oh the
same street. To the woman behind the
counter l stated my business.
She replied: 4 am a poor widow. My
God, what will l do Tears flowed
down her cheeks, and she subbed as
though her heart would break The as
SCISSOR felt SO mean that he sneaked out
without asking her name
Even the parrots are down on assess
ors. A Latin street bird told the as
SCISSOR to go to - any number of times
while he was conducting the inquisito-
rial ceremony.
THAT bird speaks very plainly, said
the writer.
Just hear the dear fellow. He can
say - just as plainly as | can. will
sell him for SD. There's bargain =
And the lady meant every word she said.
A parrot that can cuss an assessor is dirt
cheap at any price.
This is how they do it on Ashland
boulevard:
Scene, front stoop of a stone man
sion. Dramatis personae, lady with
large diamonds in her ears. Negligee at
tire. Assessor with book and an official
smile.
Lady-We are cleaning house today,
all topsy turvy, and you cannot come in.
Assessor-Not at all necessary. my
dear madam, that | should 90 i'll. |
have brought this book and my imagi-
nation along, and l can see all that is
necessary. | see that this is IA beautiful
house, and the eye Of my Imagination
pcuatratcS these walls | see grand pi-
mo, statuay by Throwalstere, paint
ings by the old and new masters, tapes
tries from India, carpets from Turkey,
china from Dresden, bric-a-hac from
all parts Of the Wmld-iu short, every
thing that IA lady Of your exceptional
Judgment would use in emhcllishing
such noble mansion
Lady-Sir,
Assessor-While | can hardly venture
to place valuation upon such treas
urcs | will be moderate and say $40
600.
Lady-Doit if you dare! Come in and
see.
The assessor went in and found his
mental picture scarcely overdrawn, but
the final courtesy caused slump in the
valuation
Here is a hit Of advice to persons who
are inclined to resent the intrusion of
an assessor. The advice does not cost IL
cent, but if you do not act upon it you
may be caused no end of trouble and
money also Throw your door wide open
to the assessor invite him in, give him
to understand that you are the Obliged
party and give him the information he
seeks, and it is 10 to | that you will be
treated fairly, and point or TIVE may
be stretched in your favor Shut him
out, and he will make record of the
fact, and in fixing the valuation of
your property find nothing in your ia
vor. If you 60 to the Office with your
schedule, the fact that you refused add
mittance to the deputy is noted, and in
that event YOU Will pay all the law de
mands. West Side Assessor in Chica-
go Times Herald
Diplomatic.