The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-10-30
THE MERRY SIDE OF, LIFE.

THE MERRY SIDE OF, LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE ToLD!BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Cruel Advantage-where Most
is -Worse-That is, in tho
House-Proof, Etc, Etc.
Said an ancient spinster belle,
As she with her escort stood,
While the rain In torrents fell:
=. This reminds me of the flood"
"Oh," said he in accents brave, 4
"What memory you have'
-Daroit Free Prens.
WHERE MOST IS NEEDED.
1nquirer-"Where do you exert the
greater part of your will-powerin in your
hypnotic performances
Professor-"Tn getting people to
come to the hall. +"
PROOF.
''Do you really think there's any
such thing as second sight ?"
"Of course. just ask Stingely for
the loan of a quarter, and you may
safely bet that he'll look at it twice
before giving it to you'll"
THAT Is, IN THE HOUSE.
Johuny-"Papa, why do we sny
mother tongue, but never father
tongue?"
Papa (sighing) - "Because the
mother always uses her tongue more
than the father -"-Texas Siftings.
FORCE OF HABIT.
A policeman called at one of our
glove stores and said to the lady clerk /:
'I want pair of kid gloves, Miss. "
"What is your number, sir?"
'Four hundred and twenty. nine,
Miss" was the reply. Our Dumb
Animals.
CRUEL FATE.
There in the dust, footsore fand
weary, he fell.
"How sad, how unjust" the world
cried, "to perish in the very sight of
homel"
But the umpire refused to reverse
his decision.
"Huh! You might do worse than
read spring poetry" sourly retorted
Pensmitb, the callow bard, who felt
that his illusions had been uniustly
criticised.
That's so," returned Grimshaw;
81 might write it. PUCK.
wILLIE's APOLOGY.
"You ought to have apologized to
the lady for stepping on her foot, ,"
said his mother, after the caller had
gone.
81 did," answered Willie; 81 told
her l was sorry she couldn't keep her
feet out of my way. "-Tit.Bits.
CAUSE FOR ALARM.
Minnie-'Then do you really'thiuk
Jack cAres for me?"
Maggie-Pm sure of it. His eyes
followed your every movement last
night"
Minnie (alarmedD -"Gracious Do
you think he saw all ate for supper"
MAKING REAL PROGRESS.
Cyclist-"You must be an expert
rider by this time.
Podall-"Sure thing! Knocked
man down at crossing to day"
Cyclist-"Well? 1 don't see the
point"
Pedall-"That's easy. If I hadn't
been an expert rider, l would have
lost my nerve and dismounted. Chit
cago Record.
IT DIDN'T WORK.
"My mother used to make such
luscious apple pies; they"
See here, John Henry, that won't
work. I've been comparing notes
with your mother since the last time
you tried that. You used to say to
her: What's this stuff? Hain't We
been robbin' the pigs?' till she was
glad to get rid of you. Now you shut
up New York Recorder.
AN NDIGNITY.
'I've been insulted," said d',Ieander-
ing Mike. II never was so down.trod
an humiliated in my life"
whats happened?" inquired Plod.
ding Pete, snxiously.
"l've been offered work"
"Cheer up. Wuss things has hap
pened."
"Nope. Never. Twas a job in a
soap p'factory. Washington Star.
PRESENCE OF MIND.
at was a dreadful moment, said
the dentist 81 was bathing quietly
when the great cavernous jaws of the
shark opened before me. "
"What did you do?" asked one of
the ladies.
81 took my forceps out of the pocket
of my bathing suit and pulled his teeth
before he had chance to seize me. 1t
was the quickest and neatest work
ever did. "-HarpeT's Bazaar.