The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-05-23
JINGLING HUMOR:

JINGLING HUMOR:
Achievements totter in a day;
Like chaff the works of ages go;
But come what may, they're here to stay
The men who say: II told you So
Washington Star.
Now doth the fly sit calmly by
The neighborhood 10 scan;
Nor finds by search better perch
Than the electric fan.
Washington Star.
Although we'll blessed with earthly goods
His joys We're fragile as a bubble;
He fretted meath the worst of debts
Because he always borrowed trouble.
New York World.
All hail to great George Washington!
Let's follow In his track.
He never was nor couldn't be
An anglomaniac.
Washington Star.
That our sober solons at Harrisburg
occasionally relax will readily be granted
when one has read this little episode in
the Philadelphia Record: Representative
ing the sights to several of his rural
constituents and Introducing them to the
big men about the legislative halls. After
doing the rounds, Representative Fow and
others Joined the party and enacted a
little farce-comedy for the benefit of the
countrymen, one of whom talked huently
Of his services In the Union army and how
he had led the charge at Chlckamauga.
Look out" said some one, pointing TO
FoW, there Is an old rebel soldier. "
What! a rebel In the Pennsylvania legls-
laturew exclaimed the astonished coun-
tryman. yes" said Fow, 81 served In the
Third Louisiana Tigers and helped to
turn your left flank at Chicamauga." D."
Some hot words followed and Fow, almost
exploding with laughter, began to pull off
his coat. Cochrane began to do the same
and jumped In to help his constituents.
The lights were turned off, the table upset
and, to cap the climax, one of those pres
ent drew q toy pistol. That settled It.
The hero Of Chlckamauga" thought
everything was In dead earnest and as
soon as he could break loose he made a
dash for the door and flew up the stairs
like flash At a. m. Cochrane was still
searching for his missing constituent,
while his friends were sore from laughing.
WHERE.
Where are the birds whose promised song
Was rudely quenched by cruel frost?
Where are the sunbeams that ere now
BY laughing wavelets should be tossed?
Where are the flowers whose perfume
Should freight the breezes as they blow,
And where. oh, where. IL the straw hat
That decked the street some time ago?
Washington Star.
We have all heard Of the sorrowine rela-
tive who. after mournfully telling about
the sadness of his kInsmang death,
frightened up at the thought that the
corpse was so beautifully laid out that the
family was "tickled TO death" A story
In the same vein is narrated by Henry
Clay Barnabce. the inimltable comedian
of the Bostonians. II is q story illustra
tive Of the undying master passion OF the
actor. An actor who plays juvenile roles
met n leading man on Broadway The
leading man was dressed in deep black
There was n wide band of crepe on his
hat and he had discarded the patent
leather shoes an actor loves for shoes
with subdued polish that spoke of grief.
whats the mattcr?" asked the Juvenile
my father is dead" answered the leading
man In heart-broken voice The juvenile
Expressed his sympathy. "Whcn did he
dieT' he asked. Last week. We buried
him today-a nice funeral" answered the
heart-broken voice. Large attcndance?,
asked the Juvenile. Large attendance!,
he cried. MY boy, we turned them
away"
EPIGRAM AND REPARTEE:
"Dah am some men," said Uncle Eben
"dat regards eb'ry change in de weddah
as a change fob de 'wus."-Washingto
Star.
when 'er man talks 'er tremenjus sight
bout what a good frien' OBJ your'n he is,"
said Uncle Eben, ''listen ter i'm. but doan'
trade hosses wifi i'm. Washington Star.
Mrs. Gray-"What q terrible thing has
happened to the Blacks! Mr.. Black was
coming home from his club the other night
and he fell down and broke his leg so badly
that he has had to have 1t amputated." !"
Mrs. Green--"Lost his legl Isn't It awful?