St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1895-06-07

And shirlock Holmes is dead.-
Life.
What he wished. Cobbs-That
was a pretty sentiment young Mash
er got off the other night when bid
ding Miss PIumpy good night.
Dobbs-So? What was it?
Cobbs-He said he wished she was
locked up in his arms and the key
lost.
Substantially Correct. - "Chil-
dren," said the superintendent of the
Sunday school, "can any of you tell
me what might be called the great
religious movement OF the age? 2"
There was no response.
Think, children" he persisted.
"Sufely some one of you can tell me.
What is the most noticeable religious
movement of the times 2"
A little hand went up.
"Gracie darlington will answer"
Going to church." said Gracie.-
Chicago Tribune.
A compliment in season.-She (sad-
ly)-Well, if we must part, let us part
friends. Goodbye, and may all
that's good 60 with you.
He (decidedly)-If all that's good
went with me, you would not re-
main here.
Then she smiled and laid her head
upon his shoulder, and he remained.
Watts-Hello! You have let your
typewriter go, l see.
Potts-Yes. She was too ignorant
couldn't spell at all.
Ibid she get mad when you told
her she had to go2'
ooh, no. gave as my reason for
parting with her that she was so
pretty that the clerks couldn't at
tend to their work for staring at
her. Cincinnati Tribune.
Rebuke That Went Home.
"Sir," said the youth to the Ken
lucky father who had dispassionate-
ly but firmly kicked him off the front
stoop, "slr, will not resent this
treatment from the father of the fair
est creature the sun ever shone on,
but | will say to you, sir, that in
your assault upon me you broke
bottle in my coat-tail pocket which
contained quart of the finest eight
year-old Bourbon procurable, which
was bringing expressly to you"
He turned on his heel, leaving the
old gentleman clutching the air in
blind grief.
Mr.. Lanigan's fable of "The Two
Turkeys" has fine cynical flavor
that Prodigal Sons will relish "An
Honest Farmer once led his two Tur-
keys into his Granary and told them
to eat, drink and be merry. One of
these Turkeys was wise and one fool
ish. The foolish Bird at once in
dulged excessively in the Pleasures of
the Stable, unsuspicious of the
Future, but the wiser fowl, in order
that he might not be fattened and
slaughtered, tasted continually,
mortified his flesh, and devoted him
self to gloomy reflections upon the
Brevity of Life. When Thanksgiv-
ing approached, the Honest Farmer
killed both Turkeys, and by placing
rock in the interior of the Prudent
Turkey, made him weigh more than
his plumper Brother.
"Moral.-As we Travel though
Life let us Live by the ay."-Buffa-
10 Commercial.
He Took No Chances.
1t was on Sixth avenue elevated
train going up town. A man with a
red nose which tel minated in knob
got on at Franklin street, and sat
down beside little girl about
years OF age, who was accompanied
by brother of12. She was sharp
eyed, handsome child, and after g
few minutes the red-nosed man fel,
his heart warm up to her, and ht
said:
"Well, little girl, are you going
somewhere? ?"
She looked up, but made nc
answer, and after minute he smiled
more blandly and continued:
You are an awfully nice little girl
aud l wish had some candy for you
Is that your brother ?"
Say, mister" called the boy, as h
leaned forward, you don't know
much about children, do your"
Yes; know all about EN-"
well, then, you can take you
chances with her."
"Chances1 What chances ?"
why, if you get her to talking