St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1895-03-23
Because Of Their Dough From
a, Lumber Camp to a
Drawing Room.
He PREPARES. SOME RULES
Which, if Followed, Will Pre-
vent Many Unpleasant
Episodes.

way to act and the proper things to
| do in society. 1t never struck me as
remarkable, because people often
graduate suddenly from a lumber
camp or a soap factory into the
| drawing room and conservatory.
always say conservatory because we
had one before pa failed.
Now, while these graduates never
carry diplomas, nevertheless they
are recognized in the higher grades
while their dough lasts. 1t is
to this class that 1 would especially
| direct the result of several minutes
of thought. Being one of the best
little attenders of social functions in
| the city, I probably know more
| about the ways Of society than
| whole lot of Ogalialla Indians. And
| for the benefit of mushroom aris-
| tocracy l consented to think for ten
| consecutive minutes, and design a
| set of rules for them to follow when
attired in their swallow-tails and
drinking tea out of china thimbles,
with an earSpOon on the side, while
a paSteboard lamp with a red tissue
paper shade sends out a feeble glare
to battle with the light of day which
"jes' materially" comes in the aper-
lures arranged in the house for that
purpose. These are known through
out the social world as windows [,
being social butterfly, know what
I'm talking about You have prob
ably seen those little lamps They
don't do any good, but they belong,
my boy, they belong. -
In attending one of these 8 o'clock
coffees,- or 9 O'Clock saSsafrasses,
once at the home of toadstool aris-
tocrat, 1 was much shocked to find
the hostess handing out crackers, as
well as cups. L Indignantly called
her aside, and told her that any old
fool could get those crackers at any
free lunch grab in town by simply
paying a nickel for glass Of beer.
They didn't have to pay. a cent for
the crackers, and yet here she was
feeding her guests on them
SHE WAS INDIGNANT,
and said my information was gratu-
itous. Information. to that class of
people is, always gratuitous. They will
pay for anything else. They don't
need information in their business.
This is mentioned merely as an incl
dental to show their inhunian method
of entertainment. I'll take my oath
that there wasn't chunk of roast
beef in sight, ne, nor goldfish ball,
not even a piece OF liver nor a slice Of
blood puddin'." y Those people Just sat
there munching crackers and talking
about thlngs-and their neighbors. On
little plates they had small piles of the
concoctlon. Which represents a greater
variety of the products of American
agriculture than mince pie, and is COM
monty known as salad
When the chef makes it he throws in
any old thing and lets it go at that.
Inc guests, therefore, run chances and
may gobble anything from a piece of
deiicately sliced rubber shoe to finger
nail from Bridgets fin. They might
get anything from a bilious potato to
section Of garden hose, but they go
right ahead running the chances and
! thinking they are having a corkin' good
time. Hence l call it barbarous sys-
| TEN of entertainment, which ought to
be suppressed by the health commits
| Sioner.
Every time attend one of these en-
tertainnnents [ begin to feel that the
world Is progressing backwards to-
wards the time when the aborigines
entertained their leaf-clad guests on
alternate bites of bears grease hard
ened by contact with the suns glad
rays and laid away under a ledge of
| rock for safe keeping.
| Nor is it confined to this, for they
also Initiate the aborigines in their
style of dress, judging from some of
the costumes [ saw on the women at
recent swell party. Naturally, all this
pains me. I have sensitive nature
and don't like the idea Of women imi-
tating the artists model by appearing
iii public in the habiliments of the
studio. [ called a young lady aside at
one OF those parties recently and
asked her if her father was poor.
why, what a strange question" she
replied, in surprise.
mot at ALL 1 answered, sit is in
spired by your appearance
why, what do you mean?' she
asked, with rising thermometer.
ooh, nothing" ] answered, careless
ly, 'only if he is not poor he might buy
you the
"REST OF THAT DRESS