The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1895-01-26
0ait and 9umor.

U&NN Wv" 9""'~ts
It's poor mule that doesn work both
ways
The most accurate weather report is the
thunder-clap.
A mistake is apt to attract more atten-
ton to us than a virtue
Good fortune sometimes comes to see us
in a very shabby looking carriage.
When some people want counsel they
proceed to consult their own interests
His Honor is at steak, said the
waiter when the Judge was at dinner.
Clarssa-I owe you an apology, dearest
Fred-Don't speak of it. | wish to re
main preferred creditor
A dealer advertises "a new stock of
walking sticks for gentleman with carved
wooden heads.
She-Dont you think Miss Nice is an
intellectual looking girl He-Why, no;
think she is quite pretty,
Minnie Which would you rather be-
awfully good or awfully beautiful? Ma
mie-Td rather be awfully rich.
Was it to a specialist you went to have
your lungs examined Z? Il don think
so. He couldn find anything wrong with
them
NV wife and had terrible row over
the roast yesterday Call ii by some
other name-a joint debate, for instance.
While the theatrical manager makes
most money in the long rum the coal man
builds up successful business in small
weigh.
(which would you rather be, knave
or fool asked Idioticus. L don
know, replied Cynicus What has
been your experience
What will YOU give me for this arti-
Gle asked the poet Thirty days,
replied the editor, who was Mayor of the
town.
Money talks. remarked the business
man, who was uefully contemplating lot
of idle capital but it doesn't talk in its
sleep.
That man must be either barber or
bartender. How can you tell
Because heard him say he knew nearly
every politician in town.
She sweetly)-What did you see at
the theater the other night? He savage
ly)-The biggest eartwheels that MILL
ner ever made
Bridegroom { at the end Of the wedding
Wen, | am glad it is all over. Married
friend-AIl over Great scott, man. You
have only just commenced
Blair-He was the greatest man know
Of. Kier-What did he do Blair-He
wrote love letters without making a fool
Of himself
But how do YOU know that Henderson
Is fool ? Why, they selected him as
a juryman in murder trial without a
challenge on either side
1t is only guileless boyhood that VOWS
he will never do it again. Even when
caught in the act the fun grown man Of
sound mind tries to prove that he didn'
do it at all
Dinks has put the water system Of
heating into his house. Won he find il
rather expensive I guess not he Ia,
his wife to keep him in hot water. YOU
know.
The engagement was broken off
What was the cause? Oh. lovers
quarrel. What was the nature Of IL
4 dispute between them a. to which
loved the other best
Bunkins used to think the ,heater was
demoralizing. remarked the manager
Has he changed his views Yes. /
converted him How Sent him
a pas.
Mrs. DE Pyus--I saw you at our church
Sunday. How do you ike the voice Of
our new tenor Forte must admit that
il is al least all that it Is cracked up TO be
Staggers-I surely would hate to be the
moon. Takes it two weeks TO get full
.Jaggers- And thar Ism the worst of IT,
either After it Is fun 1t needs two more
weeks to get over ii.
Mrs. Peterby-What poor-spirited
creature You are I wish You would be
either man or mouse. Mr. Peterby-
| wish | was a mouse / d make you
climb mp the wall in minute
Mr. Myopop-My baby cries all night
don know what 10 10 with il. Mr.
Knowitt--Tn tell you what | did As
soon as our baby commenced to cry | used
to turn on all the gas. That fooled him
He thought it was broad daylight. and
went to sleep
Can you let me have S.? | left all
my money at home and haven cent
with me. said Johnnie Fewscads to his
friend Hostetter McGinniss Sorry
can't lend You So, but here is a nickel ear
fare You can ride home and get your
money. replied HOstetter
Bert don see any use in this geog-
raphy lesson. Mattie--Why. YOU goosey.
its Of the greatest use. 1t tells You where
10 20 when you can t get there, and de
seribes the country and all that. If we
had no geography, we'd get lost all over
the world
Husband (triumphantly IL We done it.
/ have played two games of chess blind
folded. Wife-Well, I'd like to run out
for half an hour. Suppose you mix the
bread, mind the baby, stir the pudding,
haste the roast, watch the vegetables, and
answer the door-bell for awhile. You
needn' be blindfolded
COLLECT YOUR BILLS.