The Washington times., 1895-01-07
THE ToApsTooL EMPEROR.

Ccnceited persons sometimes become SO
puffed up with their own importance that
the world to them is a sort of toadstool, on
which they sit blinking in silent majesty.
Their brains are only capable Of photograph
ing pictures Of rulers and kings, and their
day dreams are filed with visions of an ig-
norant people, whose right to exist depends
upon their ability to fall down and worship
at the toadstool throne.
Until lately our toadstool emperor, Nero.
has blinked this pleasant dream. But his
visions of regal greatness have finally given
way TO rude and shocking reality, and he
has at last taken a tumble from his lofty
gilded perch The cloud OF vanity that
formed his halo no longer surrounds his
sportsman's head, and from the toadstool
where he sat in glory he has dropped in
humility to common earth.
Circumstances made the former admins
tration Of our Nero both popular and success
full. He was generally believed TO be an able
and wise statesman, and at his Inauguration,
nearly two years ago, it was thought our ma
tion was once again in the hands Of man
who would bring it prosperity. To this end
he was expected to act in harmony with
Congress in destroying the hydra-headed
monster OF monopoly, but instead Of realiz-
ing the hopes of the people. our toadstool
emperor will relinquish his throne with the
deserved reputation Of q duck-hunting de-
stroyer Of his party.
After discrediting the recommendations of
many Senators and Representatives, and
creating widespread dissatisfaction by dis
tributing the most important public Offices
TO syeophants and agents of corporations, our
Nero's first greatest mistake was in ignoring
the advice of experienced statesmen and re-
fusing to call an extra session of Congress
soon enough to avert the impending financial
panic and to promptly dispose of the tariff
question. 1t was also soon discovered that
his Cabinet officers We're nothing but official
servants. Only cuckoos were allowed to
chirp in the White House, or to successfully
apply for Presidential favors.
Strikes, financial reverses. and business de-
preston began to cloud the land, and TO make
the situation worse, our Nero complicated
matters by refusing to conciliate Congress
ional Democrats who believed in silver coin
age, and in this way smooth the road to
speedier ia riff action. He practically de-
nounced them as chattering idiots and the
absolute disruption Of the party was immi-
nent.
The part Of Nero in which his vanity is
located seemed to have become unduly in
fiated and to have carried all but his physical
presence to regions In the clouds. He was
oblivious to everything but the cuckoo call.
and it was in response to this syren-like song
that he ordered troops TO Chicago TO shoot
defenseless men and women.
Finally a way was found to reach his cloud
land toadstool, where he sat surrounded by
his own greatness, and then came the Wilson
letter to Congress The German contest and
Nero's defeat soon followed, and the first
CLEAN Of an awakening entered his dreamy
mind. Long, deep draughts of the gout set
In and the solitude OF a fishing boat was
sought where he might quietly think out the
situation. The fact began to unfold in his
mind that the sun, moon, and stars were not
entirely his property, and that the earth re-
volved whether he ordered it or not. He
also became aware that the country was filed
with suffering, caused principally by his OBJ
stinate blindness.
1t was then that our Nero took fall to the
level Of the common herd. Overwhelmed
with the situation, more sittings with the gout
were had, and duck hunting was resorted
TO as q means of final relief. The shock of
the shotgun opened his eyes more widely.
and as evidence Of his desire to do something
our Nero recommended the Carlisle bill,
Fully awakened at last, our toadstool
emperor sees that this bill is a failure
Without knowing why, Senator Hill, his
ancient enemy, is sought and his advice fol-
lowed Another financial measure viii be
substituted for the Carlisle bill, and with foxey
kindness. and lamblike protestations, Senator