Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1895-08-22
CROSSROADS LOGIC.
AN OLD LETTER FROM PETROLEUM
v. NASBY.

Cheap Money Wouldn't Buy More Whis-
ky-How Bascom Would Equalize Mat
ters-The Corners Could Stand Diluted
Currency, but Not Weak Liquor.
CONFEDERATE x ROADS
(Which is in the state of Kentucky, :
Jan. 20, 1878.
amt so certain that want tho sill
yer bill to pass OF I wuz Tho fact is,
the thing don't work ez I s'posed it
wood, and amt clear on to it. There
is suttle principles in these finanshel
questions Itch requires great deel Nv
thought, and there is underlyin prin-
ciples Itch a man has got to understand
afore he is competent to set hissef up
ez authority.
One thing I am certain uv-Bascom
amt no fnanseer, nor never will be,
and told him SO.
"W'at is q finanseer?" asked he.
IA finanseer," sed I, assoomin the
look Of Dan'l Webster, is man W 'ich
kin pay his debts with nothin-a man
witch kin git suthin with nothin."
''The Corners, then, is full of finan-
seers," he remarkt bitterly, castin a
casual glance at his slate W Itch wuz jist
full enuff to turn over and begin on tho
t'other side.
But he hezn't any NV tho science NV
it. wuz argooin with him tho other
day in favor Nv my noshun Nv leather
currency, though I told him silver wuz
much the same thing, and, for example,
would assoom that silver wuz to be
the currency Nv the fucher.
"Now, don't you see, Bascom, that eff
I he'd twict ez much money, I Good
drink twict ez much whisky and pay
for it?''
"How much is twice nothin?" wuz
the unfeelin anser NV the tyrant who
holds the destinies NV the Corners in his
hands. "That's W at your capitlo hez bin
ever sence knowd YOU
"Parson," sed he, II don't see at
earthly difference it's goin to make
whether silver is currency or anything
else. How are you a-goin to git silver Of
it is made legal tender? Eff silver wuz
ez plenty ez bricks, wat hov you got to
git any NV it with?"
"Troo, G. w." wuz my anser,
"but can't 700 SEQ that to hev silver
wood relieve the dettor class? Even
now, afore it is legal tender, it's only
with 80 cents on the dollar, and when
the country is flooded with it it will go
still lower. Then we, or rather SIGH NV
us ez hev property to raise money on,
kin pay off.
"Eggsactly So" retorts Bascom;
"you kin pay me for the good, honist
likker NV mine witch you hev con-
soomed in coin witch is less than the
dollar you promised. All rite. But look
here-come in here all Nv you. I want
you silver men to know exactly w at you
are rushin into"
And this feend led us into the back
room-that back room W 'ich contanes
the subsistence Nv tho Corners. There,
in long rows, wuz Bascom's stock.
There, in barrils, piled one on top Nv
another, wuz the delishus whisky Nv
Louisville, nv different ages, rangin
from that nv two weeks old to that
witch he'd jist left the still and wuz
scarcely cold yit. There it lay, and ez
my eye ranged affeckshunately over it I
felt eff I Good hev the drinkin NV all
that likker I wood be content to lay
down ard die when the last drop wuz
gone.
Bascom p'inted to an immense tank
witch he he'd erected within few days,
with pipe runnin in from the roof.
II shan't raise the price NV ikker in
conscience Nv bein paid for it in de-
preshiatid currencyr' sed he.
fell on Bascom's neck in an extacy
Nv delite, while the others SHOUTED,
"Rah for Bascom!''
90. w." I remarkt, while teers suf-
foosed my eyes, II never placed you.
much below the angels, but this gener-
GUS act has histid you hundred per
cent in my estimashun. Bless you, g.
W., bless your'
''But I'll tell you W at shell do. Do
you see that tank?" sed he.
"May ask W at that is for?" sed.
''That tank will fill with rane water"
sed he. "The moment you git to payin
me in silver I shell take out NV eech NV
them barrils jist eggsactly three and
one-fifth gollons Nv ikker and fill it
with water"
"Merciful hevingsl" we all exclaimed,
"and your ikker so weak now!"
"And when silver gifts down to rs
cents on the dollar shell take out rs
per cent Nv whisky and fill her up with
25 per cent NV water, and so on down.
Eff silver goes up, shell add whisky
eggsactly in proporshen. In short, my
whisky is jist agoin to foller currency
and nothin shorter. You fellers witch
work for wagis may SWEET, but WON'T"
"But you'll increase the size Nv your
glasses?" sed I.
"Not any. But you may drink twice
ez many times to git the same amount
Nv drunk ez before by payin for eech
drink. "
And Bascom stalked hawtily back and
took his posishen behind his bar.
Their wuz consternashun in tho Cor
ners SIGH ez hev never seen. Their wuz
hurried consultashen at the Deekin's
house, and I sejested that we emanci-
pate ourselves from the dominyun Nv
this tyrant by startin a grosery NV our
own on the joint stock principle, w ch
wuz agreed to, each man agreein to con-
tribbit $40 to the capitle stock, witch
wood be enuff to buy bar'l OF two for
beginnin.
We wuz enthusiastic till we come to
ballotin for the man to keep the place,
when it wuz found instid NV my bein
chosen yoonanimusly, ez I eggspected to
be, that every man he'd votid for hissef.