Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-03-11
HUMOR OF TIE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A man who is crooked usually fol-
lows his own bent.
You can usually tell an ass by his
lack of horse-sense. Puck.
Miss Elderly-"I tainted last night"
Maude-"Who proposed ?"--Life.
A man would be surprisedif he were
what q woman thinks he is.-Dotroit
Free Press.
Shetland what would you be now
If it weren't for my money!" He
ga bachelor. Pail Mall Budget.
Elsie-"She says she is twenty.
two" Ethel-"Then she must have
deducted her time allowance. Puck.
Let play house he built
Which no others may usa
Than the girls with big hats
And the men with big shoes.
Washington Star.
He-'Darling. will you love me
when I'm gomez" She-"Yes, if you
are not too far gone. London lid
Bits.
Miss Olds--"Yes; he said yesterday
that to him my face was like book"
Miss Friend "As plain as that?"--
Puck.
The first setback in many mans
life occurred at school when he was
set back among ths girls. -Rockland
(Me.) Tribune.
''But what earthly use is it to dis
cover the North Pole? can't see."
''It will save future expeditions. -
Harper's Bazar.
"How can there be such thing rs
o whole day, you know" muscd
Fweddy, "when it bweaks evewy
mawning ?"-Chicago Tribune.
"You'll please look over this small BILL"
Exclaimed the dun. Tle debtor took 1t
And then said he. with weary smile,
'fd rather overlook it"
Philadelphia Record.
Pertly-"There is ono thing l have
to say in favor OF the wind when it
whistles. Dullhea l-"What's that?"
Pertly-'Tt never whistles popular
airs. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
No matter how good tho deacon is,
he will always look wiso and pleased
if anybody suggests that he was
pretty lively young fellow when he
was boy.-Somerville Journal.
81 thought you told me that Miss
Brown had spent great deal of money
on her voice?" "Well. so l did,"
'But she can't sing" "Well, didn't
say that she could, did I?'-Truth.
Little Rich Girl-"Don't you wish
you had pair of lovely red gloves
like me?" Little Poor Girl-"Don't
you wish you had pair of lovely red
hands, like me9"-South Boston News.
Bronson-'Have the detectives
found out anything about that burg
larry yet?" Johnson-"Yes; they've
come to the conclusion that tho mo-
tive for the crime was money. Dos
ton Herald.
There is woman in Georgia weigh.
ing GOO pounds who makes moonshine
whisky. Hasn't woman who weighs
600 pounds got trouble enough of her
own without making it for other
peopleP-Rockland (Me.) Tribune.
She lat the dinneH -'T think our
hostess is the most perfect lady ever
saw" He--"Yes, but I notice that
she made ono break early in tho even
ing" She-''She always does that.
1t puts her guests more at their case"
New York Herald.
Rambling Raggsy-"Will yer ploaso
give me q dime, sir, to get sumthin'
to eat?" Citizen" What can you get
for o dime?" r. R.-"I kin get u
plate of hash for nickel, SIR" c.
"What do you want with the other five
centsP" r. R.-"fhat, sir, is fur tip
fur the waiter. New YORK Press.
Sir George-"Loo!i here, John! My
lady complains that when you soc her
in the street you never salute her.
What do you mean by it?" JOIN
"Beggin' your pardin, Sir George, but
in book on ettyketty which 1 pos.
sess it is set down that tho Indy ought
to bow first. ."-Household Words.
The neighbor who borrows your
wheelbarrow and rake anl sprinkling
hose and lawn-mower and one thing
and another in the summer never
comes to borrow your snow shovel i'll
the winter. And when no shovels oil
his own walk it is touching to note
with what exactness hc works up to
the line where your lots divide, with
ont infringing the smallest fraction of
an inch upon the snow that lies on your
part of the sidewalk. .-Rocklaud (Me)
Tribune.
Ihn Too IL, Auao.. w..