Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-01-10
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget OF Fun.
SprinIkIcS of Snice.


Globe.
In Alsiels when tlse people desire a
new ruler they begin by taking dey
of.-Lowell Courier.
Coroner-And did the deceased leave
no friends? .All-No. He was an old
bachelor-Plain Dealer.
The butcher is no gambler, but he Is
always ready to stake the lucky board
ing house keeper.-Siftings
The politician who has been lost in
the shuttle does not think much of the
pack he has been with.-Picayune.
Politics are fun of uncertainties. To-
day man is on the stump and next
week he may be all up tree-Boston
Transcript.
Figg-Tell me, is there anything
crooked about Gay? Fogg-I don't
know, unless it is corkscrew-Boston
Transcript.
Poet-I have here Il little poem "To
Philips" Editor-Sorry, but there is no
one on the staff by that name-Syra-
cuse Post.
"Your sealsllin sacQue is the finest T
have ever seem" ''Well, it ought to be,
it was made from one OF the educated
seals."-Judge.
Stella-Just look at Miss Desplaine
and Mr.. Badly over there! Miss Pot
tcr-Yes; romance of the middle ages.
50 to speak.-Vogue
Fogyduff-I have no money to spend
in advertisements. Pacer-Of course
you haven't, and that's just the reason
Boston Transcript
Supt Byrnes is after the living pic
lures in New York, and they'll have
all they can do to make bare living
Philadelphia Record
Most men make Il great fuss about
doing the best they can With wom-
an it's what she can't do that bothers
her.-Adams Freeman.
Some men show remarkably good
taste in their selection Of ties until they
put their necks into the matrimonial
halter.-Boston Gazette.
Uncle-Tell Inc frankly, Fred, what
is the amount Of your debts? Fred
Oh, my dear uncle, just as much as you
please.-Fliegende Blaetter
The maiden smiled, as well she might,
For there beside her sat
A youth who owned in his own right
A siXteen-story f1at.-Truth.
Clara-Dear ME! Those toilet things
ordered haven't come. Maude-Then
l don't suppose you'll have the face to
80 to the ball to-night-Life.
First Burglar-Sh! There's cop on
the other side Of the street! Second Bur
glar-Lay low, then! There amt enough
in this job to divide.-Judge
Don't talk to me about compulsory
vaccinations" exclaimed the man who
had his arm in a sling. 'pm sore on
that subject" -Chicago Tribune
Japan says she proposes to demolish
China" said Mr.. Blykins. "She ought
to have our servant girl" replied his
wife, wearily.-Atlanta Constitution.
In some parts of Kentucky ministers
dare not preach from the Acts for fear
the male members OF their congregation
Dispatch.
Minnie-What do you understand by
the term p}atonic affection? Mamie
1t usually means that the young man
feels that he cannot afford to marry
Omaha Bee.
Great reforms are seldom accom-
plshed without bloodshed," was the
consoling thought OF the man who de-
cided to do his own shaving.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
"Wen you are the first man l ever
heard accuse ThimminS Of being full
Of energy" But he must be- He has
been storing it up for years. Indian
apolis Journal.
IcSwatters Tin dime museum)-How
much do you weigh with clothes on?
Living Skeleton-Why, if didn't have
me togs on | wouldn't weigh anything
Syracuse Post.
Peasant who has just insured his
farmhouse)-What would l get if my
house should burn down next week2
Agent-In all probability three or four
years in prison.-Fliegende Blaetter.
what became Of that man who had
twenty-seven medals for saving people
from drowningY' Wharf Minder-He
fell in one day when he had all Of 'em
on and the weight of 'em sunk him.
Answers.
Mrs. Wickwire-Did you read about
that man who has been married for the
third time to the woman he has been
divorced from twice already? Mr..
kwire-Yes. Seems to NE that a
man of that sort ought to take some
sort of treatment for the habit,--Indinn-
apolis Journal.