Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-10-27
MAMMOTH
FurnitureHOuse.

! The BUTTERMILK should be allowed
| TO soak in the skin"
That physician is an economist, and
| knows his business. Follow his advice
and you avoid both the difficulties ]
have enumerated. Firstly, you get the
| full benefit of the butterrnilk. which
! Though by a rather roundabout way
! ultimately reaches your anatomy. Sc
! condly, you avoid the troublesome job
| of being compelled to have your face
| soak into your skin, which process. even
under the most advantageous circum'
stances, must necessarily be uncomfort-
able.
Many months ago, while ! fritted away
the pleasant hours Of summer In the
pursuit of chills and fever at fashion
, able watering place, a written query was
addressed to me by several sweet ire
quenters of Isadore Eeinstein's bargain
counter. The communication. which
bristied with NEUROLOGICAL illusions that
kept me hunting through classical olc-
tionary for weeks, wound up on the SIX
teenth page by asking me how woman,
after she got a man in love. with ner'
could keep him in that fix. The inno-
cent frequenters of the remnant depart
ment." who only spelt two words wrong.
begged me to give them the wisdom OF
my reflections on this subject. l have
reflected, but l have no wisdom to dis
pense.
Could l answer that question my FOR
tune would be made. Spinsters would
flock towards me slke the multitudinous
male population sweeping onward 10 the
free-lunch counter. Words would now
from my lips-not sweeter than money
(Which, at best, Is bound to attract hies,-
but at the rate of rs cents syllable
Forsooth, with the key to that mystery,
nv whole life would be one dream or
consummate Hotel-Jefferson indigestion,
mingled with champagne enlargement OF
the head. A.
Alas! Paulina. thou that makest the
deals in bleached cotton! Alas! ana alack,
Lucinda! thou that workest the dry-goods
clerk to death Cor 2-cent purchase. l
would fain answer. but / cannot. 10
keen a man in love with you Is ike Keep
ing your youth. There's no keeping him.
no hoMing him OF there's any
holding he's going to do tD-no
Chanting him. His affections are
as variable as the price of hen-eggs-hKe-
wise as deceitful as the egg itself, may
be. This question has been discussed
before. II has been tossed about In wiser
heads than ours. supposing sucn 10 nave
existed. and is still as unsoiveo as 'ne
mystery. who hit Billy Patterson
one scholar came near offering soiu.
ton. He simply said: Feed the brute.
And none Of US will deny that our hearts
are close TO our appetites. Many time,
when mine ached as only heart can
ache. gentle, loving hands administered
pie. and the rugged lines OF sorrow on
nv face were softened. Try feeding MIN.
PaulinaI Give him food, LUCINDA! That
Is all can suggest.
There il nothing which 80 excites my
charitable interests as the preparations
OF "a prospective bride for her future
state OF supremacy over the victim OF her
destinations. We like to watch the oiro-
lngs as they build their nestiets. ana
so, too we like to note the ciuckiags OF
the pullet as she announces her inten-
ton 10 enter upon domestic cares. But
what. OH! what are these In point OF
sweetness compared TO the gatherings OF
the maid who prepares to allow loving
consort TO pay her board-bills. All! dis
tinctly, remember how my little heart
went pitty-pat when was going through
this ordeal. II wns Just too awfully nice
when bought my trousseau. Every Gay
/ was out shopping. Tho very bargain
counters got 70 know me, ana all down
through the long avenues OF the various