The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-07-28
A NEW WEAPON.
Armed With n Large and Heavy Cat
No Man Need Fear.
FROM the Hartford Times.

From the Hartford Times.
Long ago a professedly wise man re-
marked that he who leaves one cat
to grow where two grew before is a
public benefactor. There is no doubt
that this sneering and supercilious per-
son expresses the general feeling of the
community in respect to cats. 1t cannot
be denied that the cat has hitherto been
a useless and superfiuous beast He makes
enormous pretensions. So long as he can
lie by the kitchen fire and steal meat
when the cooks back is turned he de-
pises honest lamor.
His burglarious habits are notorious
Thousands of credible cooks are willing
to testify that the cat makes a constant
practice of breaking open storeroom doors
and carrying off pounds of butter and
pailfuls of flour, and that 1t is his partic-
ular delight TO drop heavy articles of
crockery and to mislay spoons and forks.
AS a singing beast the cat is con-
spicuous figure, and he is worthless as
a protection against tramps and tax-gath
erers. In fact, the cat leads an utterly
worthless life, and many man who
has thrown all his old boots and bottles
out of the window without inducing the
obtuso beast to cease his midnight music
has been led to the verge of atheism by
recklessly specializing upon the possible
OBJECT OF the creation OF cats. 1T was
by accident that the true use of the cat
was discovered, and this valuable discov-
cry was made only the other day by an IL
literate citizen of footing.
During the present half century won
derful progress has been made in devising
new weapons of war. The revolver, the
rifed cannon, the breechloading rifle and
the mitrailleuse are all less than so years
old. We can now, thanks to science and
the spread of popular education, kill our
fellow men with vastly greater ease than
could our ancestors.
The Roman soldier was compelled to
seize his enemy. by the coat collar and
thrust swords and javelins through him
in slow and Iaborious manner before he
could prevail upon him to abandon the
unholy purpose of continuing to live and
even the soldier of the last century. with
his smooth-bore musket, was Obliged to
shoot so many times at an enemy before
he could hit him that the pleasure of the
thing completely vanished.
While we have made great improve
ments in the weapons of formal warfare
we have, however, remained reprehensi-
bly, contented with the old fashioned do
nestle weapons. The poker, with which
Xantippe expressed her disapproval Of her
husbands philosophy, is stin the favorite
resource of the high spirited wife, and the
broomstick, with which the Roman matron
Cornelia, polished her juvenile Jewels, is
in use wherever modern civilization is
found, and it's morning blows-as Daniel
Webster finely remarked-follow the sun
in its rising and circle the earth with one
continued wall of small boys.
1t is not creditable to US that we have
made no improvements in this department
Of home comforts, but at last humble
and ignorant Tootingite has made dis
covery that will not only render the poker
and the broomstick as obsolete as the pike
and the arrow, but which also supplies
that deep want Of our nature-a clew 10
the proper use OF the common domestic
cat.
The Tootingite in question was lately
engaged in a heated argument with his
that he was a person Of no intelligence
or culture. The man who thinks Il funny
or IN any way creditable to profess hon-
tility 20 fnothers-in-law. as class or as