The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1895-09-19
SAM JONESISMS.
Peculiar Expressions Sandwiched i'm
His Sermons

Peculiar Expressions Sandwiched i'm
His Sermons.
If all hogs had bristleS hair mat
tresses would go down to cents a
pound.
Money makes the f1lly go. 1t makes
everything go that has hair and
makes the bald-headed man go toler-
ably we'll.
Congress got so it couldn't pass any
thing even pass saloon.
When one of these dirty little law
there as an attorney.
LII L was running soap factory in
hell and they brought along your car
casS, I'd tell 'em | had nothing to de-
odoriZe such a carcass.
A horse thief is gentleman beside
the man that votes for liquor.
L have only one objection to sa-
loon keeper. The same l have to a
louse-he gets his living off the head
of the family.
If you see an old sister that don't
like Sam Jones, it's no sign she's mean,
but she's fool. The trouble is above
her eyes.
| promised my wife to take care of
her husband and I'm going to do it.
If you can put up with fourteen sa-
looms the year round, you've got to
put up with me a week.
You go around and drink whiskey
and say it's nobody's business. You
are liar, you scoundrel. you. If
they'd put you up in an ash hopper
and pour water over you, you'd drip
lye, you dirty dog, you.
If you preachers will hold while l
skin, we'll make hides go down in this
market.
Nobody but an Internal fool will
drink whiskey, nobody but diSrepu-
table person will sell it, and none but
damnable town will license it.
What have you preachers been
doing? Shoot, Luke, or give up your
gun.
I'm going to tell you the truth if
you lick me three times a day and
send my body lone in a coffin to my
wife and children.
l used to think preachers had wings
but they amt. ] saw one once with
his coat off. They want even bud
ding.
l don't abuse any other denomina-
tion except the Methodist. Don't
have time. When get through with
them it's bed time.
Some church members pray, Lord
burn your guns on the enemy" If
He did He might kill your old fash
ionable wife the first thing.
When you see member OF the
church go into saloon he belongs to
the devil from snout to tail.
There is nothing the devil brags on
more than woman going around Or
ganizing progressive euchre parties.
The old rascal that goes into the sa-
looms will go away and say, 81 don't
like Sam Jones P"
I'm sorry for the preachers, trying
to do anything with the gang they've
got.
There isn't lower, dirtier thing on
the face of the earth than saloon. A
Christian has no business there.
Church people are towards by train
ing and teaching. Ii there was pro-
hibition fight here, one old bull
uecked saloon keeper could take a
bers out of town.
There is no quarrel between Sam
Jones and any consecrated Christian,
whether he be young or old, high or
low, white or black
Methodists are like patent medi-
cines-have to shake 'em before using.
It's a disgrace to come to a town
like Winston and find people who
have done quit the church. Old
II you are a quitter and don't feel
like a dog you don't feel natural.
|. Methodists believe they can lose
their religion. BaptistS don't, but f
they can't lots of 'em never had any
to lose. Presbyterians know they
can't lose it, but are afraid they amt
got it.
Some of you old fellows from the
country, setting there with So in your
bot
ought to get more hair and Snout
and tail and go to eatin corn
There's stranger here. One fellow
put in dollar. He don't live in this
| town.
If the devil don't git you, Bud, it'll
be because he don't want you.
The Methodists here pay their
pastor $500, and the Baptists $1200.
Guess thaG's about the right proper
tion. You see you can ship one-third
cheaper by water.
I'd rather be chain gang niger in
| the Georgia penitentiary than TO be a
| Methodist that voted for whiskey.
You won't be dead and in hell two
| years before Sallie will have another
| fellow sitting on the front porch brag-
| ging about marrying your widow.
/ When / see an old maid. am sure
| some fellow amt done his duty. When
i see an Old bachelor, think or hOg
Your wife's got as much right tC
drink whiskey and get drunk as you
have, you lousy scoundrel.
The girls are as pure as the morn
ing dew, but God pity the CROWD
| they've got to dance with.
II one of these dancing dudes is al
right it is the first one l ever saw.
want his picture to show around.
We need some daddies that will
meet the dancing buck at the dOol
and kick him over the front gate anG
say, Good-by, John.
You girls that don't know anything
but to dance. You'll evaporate some
day and leave some bangs and slipper!
on the floor.
like fast horse, but slow gal.
I like dr1nkard better than 1 do q
close listed, stingy devil. There's
hope for the drunkard. II you gel
him sober you may make a man Of
him. But If a fellows no account
drunk or sober, the jig;S up:
i Ayers sarsaparilla frees the blood from al
! Hcrofulous and inf1aumatory humors.