The morning times., 1895-09-08

ulUR
old police court building, where the cler
and his assistants perform the greater par
OF their duties, is corner toward VII .
all great and humble citizens who hay,
grievances and tales OF woe to tell, direc
their steps. AT desk behind the counte
rant clerk, and day after day he listens t
stories, humorous, pathetic and often alb
| surd, and makes out the Ionged-for papers
which are to secure to the applicants salts
faction or revenge.
Even the average citizen hasn't a very
clear conception of the laws as they are
! made, and when ii comes to the ignorant
! classes, who take up the greater amount OF
the warrant clerks time, their conceptions
OF Blackstone and Commissioner TTuesden's
police regulations are something awful.
The office is almost as much Of a bureau OF
legal information as 1t is place for the
preliminary adjustment Of-neighborly and
domestic difficulties. and often apparently
serious tangles are Strengthened out there
| without getting INTO court
There are frequently scenes enacted and
'N'i+~S hS4d NLASN NOuiI tO+4tN the utGIL
or the pOcketbook OF the casual observer,
but they pass unheeded by the dispenser OF
legal documents. Custom has stalled the
never-yarying tales OF woe and pictures of
distress and Fathos is at a discount in tho
office. The stern realities OF life brought
daily before the clerk absorb his attention,
and warrants are issued without regard to
sex, color or previous condition Of servi-
tude.
Odd expressions ard humorous incidents
and sayings predominate over ali other
things unusual in the office, and the risIbIes
OF the clerk and the onIookers are frequently
excited by the peculiar language in which
some application is couched or the peculiar
circumstances which brought about the
desire for legal Interference
One afternoon some time ago an old fell
low rushed into the office ana demanded
warrant for his wife. He excitedly mar
rated the events which eliminated in his ap-
pearance there. and the clerk drew forth
blank form and prepared 10 make out the
paper The old chaps eyes grew bright at
the prospect OF having his wife visited with
condign punishment by legal process, but the
glitter vanished when the clerk turned
round and asked
forge OF HER NAME.
what is your wife's first name?''-
Whether in his excitement ne had forgot
ten it or whether he never knew it is un-
certain, but it is a fact that he was COM
PEELED to go and ask ueighbor what the
first name OF his wife was before the
blank could be filled in by the clerk
A peculiar case occurred a short time ago
in an assault case. An old pensioner
had been brutany assaulted by the manager
or local charitable fnsti tuition, and
he applied for a warrant for his assaA.
ants arrest. He could not tell the mans
name, however, and the clerk told him
that 1t would he necessary for him TO find
it out before the warrant could be issued.
The old man started out, but just as he got
to the door he drew back with the cxclama-
ton:
Here he comes now"
We'll, you go in this room," said Mr.
Washburn, "and Wen find out his name"
The old man seated himself aud his late
assailant entered. He had heard that the
victim of his brutality intended TO procure
a warrant, aud he wanted to fix matters
During his explanation the clerk said:
"Will you give me your full name, sir?"
1t was innocently given, and a few days
later the man was fined $50 in the police
court.
"A colored woman. from one of the alleys
IN the Sou uthwest, applied once for a
warrant for her husband for assaultins
her. She was very vehementin her denunci-
alton OF the unwarranted brutality OF her
conjuGal helpmate, md declared that be
beat her without any provocation what
ever
But there must have been some cause"
said the clerk. What did be hit you for?''
''Jes' for nothin'. l diln' go home las
night, an he said l wuz out wild another
man De truf is 1 was sittin' up all night
wild lady frin' what has de nervous per
spiration"
The warrant was issued
WANTED TO KILL A MAN
A-btg colored man, with Indignation in his
eye and a determined look in his face,
the office one day and announced
that he wanted permit to carry a.pistol.
He was told that such a thing could not be
granted, nd then he modified his request
by asking permission to kill q man. He
Explained that another fellow bad succeed
ed in wooing from him the affections of his
lusky spouse, and life would be a weary
blank to him until his hated rival was
wiped from the face of the earth.
well, I'm sorry for you, my friend"
said Mr.. Washburn, ''but we're not deal
ng in papers of that kind"
''Well, what good is dis ma'iage license
what paid dollar fur ef 1 can't Kill de |
man what steals my wife?" he demanded. |
The clerk was forced TO admit the logic |
of his remark, but repeated his inability |
10 aid him, and the forsa ken husband went
back to his troubles
Applications for marriage licenses are
10 frequent as to receive only passing |
notice. They are mostly from culored |
seekers after hymeneal bliss, and occa-
'ionally runaway couple from the coun
ry steer ur- against the warrant clerk
md have to be directed 10 the city hall.
A long time ago an old German en-
cred the office and in barely Ineligible
English stated that he wanted a warrant
or man who kept vicious dog, in
,rder that he might be killed
"Do you want the man killed?" asked
he clerk
mo, no.. der tog. He bite my shIdren
md l want him killed.
Whose dog is it? What is the name of
wner?"
ut vas mine own tog dot want killed"
We'll, go home and kill him." said
he clerk. 'You don't need any warrant
or yourself and the aged Teuton, very
luch mystified, butts satisfied, wandered
orth, and the canine has probably long
ince been executed.
People wanting warrants for them
elves, though, are very rare, and attract