Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-04-25

Mrs. Gadzley-"Do you suffer much
from toothache." Mrs. Blazzer-"No-
that Is, not unless my husband has It,"
-Roxbury Gazette.
$50 the insolent fellow refused to pay
his rent" HE did not say so In words.
but he intimated It," "How SOL" HE
kicked me downstairs. lie Figaro.
Bryce-"Algernon Fitz sappy is one
Of those fellows who has more money
than brains, isn't hep Knowso-"Yes,
and he is poor, too."-Life's Calendar.
Mrs. Nuwed-"Our landlord thinks Of
nothing but the rent" Nuwed-"You
wrong him, my dear. I'm sure he
never thinks of the rent In the roof
Judge.
"Mrs. Trout, why do you look 80
down in the gillsT' "Trout, my dear,
l can't help worrying when 1 rememi
Der that it's most fly time again. New
York Recorder.
Blobbs-"Do you think the average
man is as stupid before he marries as
he Is afterwards?" Cynicus-"Certain
ly, or he wouldn't get married" -
Philadelphia Record.
With Joy greets you. gentle spring:
You bids us smile ag'in-
Nc wood ter saw, no snow ter sweep,
No coal ter carry in.
Washington Star.
"Chollie is a changed man. He sent
$40 to the mission In China last week"
HE must be changed indeed, or he
could never make $40 go as far as that"
-Harper's Bazaar.
"It's her disposition to make light Of
serious things" he said mournfully.
''Yes," replied Cholly Luvlorn. "She
even burns the poetry l write about
her. Washington Star. WOW
Lipper-"T wonder why 1t is that Miss
Primper always takes such good care
Of her complexion" Chipper-"She's
so conscientious; it isn't her own, you
know."-Cincinnati Tribune.
"Our first impressions most readily
slip our memories" said the teacher.
"Oh, know whyv shouted Johnny.
"Well, why" sour first Impressions
are slippers. cleveland Plain Dealer.
"And this-this is elocutionv sighed
the poet, as the recitationist finished
his pet poem. Eyes, what did you think
1t wasT' Execution" returned the
poet, with a moan.-Harper's Bazaar.
Cholly Uppers-"Fwed, can you spare
me small bills for a ten" Freddie
Heeled-"Suah, deah boy" Cholly-
Thanks, WEAKLY, I'll hand you the ten
to-morrow."-St. Louis Globe Demo
crat.
get your cook up so early?" Mrs. Dash
well, hunted up young and good
looking milkman and hired him to come
at O'clock."-Louisville Courier Jour-
nal
"What is the matter with that man?"
asked the inquisitive small girl in the
theater 1.-THE man sitting in the front
rowg "Yes'm. The one whose hair
is too small for Observation-Disclosures
Star.
Author-"What's the matter with the
dialect in that story? Isn't 1t plain
enough?" Magazine editor Yes;
that's the trouble. Anybody can read
it without a glossary. "-Somerville
Journal.
Impatient tourists Ito small boy fish
ing in the lake)-"You told us the boat
always left here at 4, and we have
waited now till past g." Boy-"Oh, 1t
doesn't begin to run till May."-Flie-
gende Batter.
Experience is the best teacher" re-
marked Flooding Pete. 'Yes," re-
piled Wandering Mike; "but my per-
sonal observation is that it's mighty
poor way ter study law.'-Washington
Star.
Wife Ito unhappy husband)-'T
wouldn't worry, John; it doesn't do
any good to borrow trouble" Husband
Borrow trouble? Great Caesar, my
dear, amt borrowing trouble; have
IL to lend."-Colorado Sun.
Old Bache-"That's handsome pair
of slippers you're wearing, Harry"
Harry-"They ought to be; I'm sure
they cost enough. My wife made them.
and then coaxed out Of me the price Of
sealskin jacket."-Tid-Bits.
Stern Parent-"You tell me that you
love my daughter and wish to marry
her. But how do you expect to live on
eight hundred a year?' Loving Swain
-"Oh, come, now, your income must
be more than that!'-Boston Tran
script.
Clara-"How under the sun did Edith
happen to marry Mr.. Awkwardw
Dora-"He was the bane of her life at
every ball she attended, and / presume
she married him to keep him from
wanting to dance with her."-New York
Weekly.
Judge Ito prisoner)-"Have you any
thing more to say?" Prisoner .:..No,
my lord; only would ask you to be
quick, please, as itVis near lthy DINNER
hour, and IL am to so to pbison
should like to get there In time Tor the
soup."-Francais Illustre. ''
She--"Every one in town says we
are going to be married." He-"Well.
it's true, isn't it?" She (sobbingly)--
"It can't be, Frederick. You must be-
deceiving me. If 1t were true every
one in town would say we are not
going to be married."-Truth.
"But he is so much younger than his
wife," 81 know that, but then he will
be much older ten years from now"
.As for that matter, won't she also be
much olderT my dear sir, she Is a
woman. Just you wait ten years and
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