The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1895-09-03

The Major Has a Hard Time Runnit G the
Blockade by the Confidence Men
Safe in Boston at Last--E atiug
Baked Beans to Improve His
Intellect Swapping Lies
With the Yankees .
B.-"Hello! Mr.. Editor"
R-"Why, hello! Mejor. You have
gotten here at last, | w8s afraid you
would fail to pull through on time"
B.-"You needn't be Uneasy erbout
me. Don't l always tell you that you
can't lose your Uncle Iske? But L had
a terrible time ov II, l had Il hard time
f1ndin' what hotel you are s:oppin' at
so l could open uD telephone COnGeck-
shun with you, and then I fad that
these blamed baId-headcd Yankees
want ter charge me two prizes fer usin'
the phone when I kin git ter use 1t
free at home. If l ever git ter be Gov
erner ov North Karliua Ill send the
Governors guard an the Charlotte
naval boys up here an clean out this
whole Yankee roost."
R.-''5ay you had some 3uble with
sharps on the way
B.-"Yes. LffaFed awl rite till I got
ter New York an then 1 thought the
Whole town had cum down ter the
depot ter meet ne. l never seed a
cleverer set ov men in my life. They
wereshakin' hands with me awl arOund
an calm me Mr.. Bllkins' an askin'
me erbout the ole woman at home, an
sum ov them Wanttd ter know if l had
brought my wife along. kept agitat-
in my brain ter diskiver how they awl
cum ter know me by site. At fust 1
thought maybee you had tole sum ov
them that I was cumin' on the next
train an fer them ter make it pleasant
fer me, but I couldn't fgger out how
they knowed my name so we'll. never
did find out till / ASKED a policeman.
He said why, you ole gander, any
body would know who you are. You
have got your name on your valise In
letters that would be read two miles
off by moonlight" He awlso tole me
had better not make any more &C
q~uaiutances while IN the city. I've got
my eye teath cut now Forty ov the
smartest cOnfideI c. men in New York
or Boston C 4n't fool me now. l. cost
done, though the first Teller took u
Iikin' to asked me if l wouldn't join
him in a drink | t0le him l wuz sOrter
ov a church MAJ at home an didn't
like ter be caught 10 such places He
lowed that WIZ awl rite; that [ Orter
take sumthin ter clean the dust out OV
my throat. So | tule him 1t wuz a go,
We went UP street a little distance an
went in the finest kind ov a saloon. He
called fer a cocktail an I tOle him the
same. 1t wuz fixed up ter suit my
drinkin' tooth exactly. When we
got through drinkin' he felt in awl his
pockets and lowed he had left his purse
at the house, but that he lived rite up
on that street an If would lend him
the price Of the drinks he would walk
rite up home an pay me. [ paid it an
we went on up the street. The crowd
or folks was purity great an they just
walked rite over me. Directly l look
ed around an my friend wuz gone. l
reckon he stepped into some place an
I walked on an left him, or else he lost
me somehow. That looked sorter Il
picious, but I thoght maybe it wuz jest
a mistake. | went on up the street
after waiting a little while. Directly
somebody tapped me on the arm an |
looked around. 4 boy wuz h0ldin' a
pecketbook in his hand. He sed mis-
ter didn't you drop this just now?" I
tole him no. He scd he thought | did.
He opened it an they wuz a roll ov
gree1hacks IN the inside. He sed he
didn't know what ter do with so much
money an lowed if [ would give him
three dollars might have the pocket
book an q | pulled cut the three
dollars too quick ter wink your eye an
sticking h q p0cket book into nay peck,
ct, walkedop. After l got ter the C.n
teral depot I opened it. L Iouho Ch'
roll OF ersepbacks consisted OF a one
dollar bill wrapped around some ro"l
paper had paid that nasty BOY 1--WE
dollars fer that measly twenty-hV
cent pocket-book. I~concludeo Uer pa
quits then, but a feller come IN Ter Tn
depot with a little ball and three cup
to cover it. He eed it wuz the l7VeS
game out, an asked me if could cues
which cup the ball wuz unoer'
guessed an hit it rite. Then l guesse
again an again an hit it exactly. d
lowed I wuz the first man he ever sa'