The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1895-08-30
THE SALT LAKE HERALD. FRIDAY. AUGUST 80, 1895.

| less funny. Mccormick has been read
] ing some good Democratic doctrine in
| the speech Of Hon. Joseph Sibley on
the silver question. It will be rernern-
bered that Sibley declared he had no
use for the man who had more re-
! spect for the bob-tailed flush than a
contrite heart. Mccormick got things
mixed somewhat. ST have more re-
spect for a bob-tailed flush than 1
have for a contrite heart" declared
Mccormick, and, seeing by the merri-
ment around him he had made a mis-
! take, he changed the wording. Mr..
/ President, 1 have more respect for a
contrite flush than 1 have for bob
tailed heart" This raised another
roar, but the banker was persistent.
Il have more respect for a flush tailed
heart than I have for a contrite bob"
/ he asserted. By this time the mem
bers, including the staid chair, were
! all in an uproar. Il mean, Mr.. Presi-
! dent, that 1 have more flush for a
! contrite heart than I have for a bob
for a contrite flush than I have for a
! bob-tailed respect. L second the nom
ination Of ETC., etc.
Plan For u Speech.
| Now that it is all over it is suggest
| ed that the following plan of nomin-
ating speech would have been good
thing. Especially is this true of the
officers selected after the nomina ton
| for congress.
'Mr. Chairman: In selecting candi-
dates for the nominations for the vari-
Gus offices which are to be filed at the
| election this fall, we have taken into
consideration the various qualifications
! of the men presented and have made
some very choice selections. We have
looked to the north and found Judge
Miner for the supreme bench; we have
wandered to the sand hills of the
south and discovered in his quiet
! home, among the hills of Beaver, the
hirsute face of George Washington
Bartch; we have probed the intricacies
of Salt Lake city and have given you
Heber M. Wells and Charles S. Zane
All the elements of success have been
considered except geographical loca-
ton. Geographical location has been
given the cold shake. Geographical
| location, sir, has been neglected, not
Withstanding the fact that geograph-
ical location means everything to us
behalf of geographical location, 1
nominate her favorite son, James J.
Chapman, Of American Fork
Eichnor is Sore.
Dennis Clay Eichnor is sore. Dennis
| is SO sore that he had to use Ponds
Extract upon his person, in order to
allay that feeling of anguish which an
mated every pore of his cuticle. Be-
cause Dennis had reasoned with him
self all along that he was the man
who was to be selected as the attor-
ney-general Of the new state. He had
pictured to himself the satisfaction
with which his children and his child
ren's children would walk into the
state capitol, point to his, portrait
hanging on the wall and say to visit
ors from the effete east and sections
of the wild and woolly west, "This is
our papa and our grandpapa and our
great grandpa, who was elected as the
hrst encouragement of Utah." Dem
mis- had also figured that beginning
with the year of our Lord, 1895, his
signature would adorn the book of re-
ceipts kept by the territorial treasur-
er, twelve times per year, at the ratio
OF $l29 per time. Then, too, there would
have been so much satisfaction in
writing back to dear old Pennsylvania:
writing back to the land of buck
wheat and ponhaus; boiled cider and
head cheese; scrappel link sausage.
picked apples and Iblud Wurst, that
! out here in Utah a man with energy
and vim could do WELL especially if
he set about in the right direction and
had political ability. With all these
dazzling prospects knocked from under
him at one fell sWoop who wouldn't
be sore?
David said in haste that all men
were liars. Dennis thinks he could have
made the assertion after mature and
careful elaboration. Ere the vote was
taken Dennis had 299 delegates who
were going to vote for him. Afterward
the number dwindled to so small an
amount that it was necessary to count
twice in order to avoid mistakes.
Squires Disguised,
George B. Squires is another believer
IN the total depravity of the RepubIi-
can portion Of the human race. George
went into the fight with 800 more dele
gates than anybody When the
ballot was taken his vote doomed up
like fly speck on 5000 feet of white
washed fence. 1t is understood that as
soon as Squfres completes the enroll
ment OF the county militia he will re-
turn to Bingham and once more begin
the battle of politics-this time, how
/ ever, without the aid of Roberts. the
Selectman.
The Oquirrn club will ratify. The bows
claim they have won victory enough to
cradle them to celebrate the nomination
following rather florid announcement in
Fred Dennis best style:
me battle is over; the voice of the
people has been expressed in convention
assembled, and it now becomes our duty
to ratify that expression in a BETTING
manner. It has therefore been deter
mined TO hold grand ratification meet
| club, at the Salt Lake theatre. on Mon
day evening, Sept. 2, 1895, and you are
most respectfully invited to address your
fellow Republicans on that occasion.
Speeches will be limited to five minutes,
as it is intended to give all chance to
express themselves on this occasion)