The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1895-07-19

made Il cover and suffer. We cannot
escape the thoughts OF what has been
and does exist In spite OF US. They are
like mildcw on the leaves N our mental
diary. And then come men and women.
people you have never seen, strangers
for whom you care not and who do not
care for you, 10 inquire who you are
ana what you are. what you feel, what
you think They want To- know all about
your past. And when you refuse 10 re-
ccive them, when you do not answer
their questions. they call you proud.
full Of pretenHlons. arrogant. Arrogant.
and why2 Because you viii not tell
them what you ara afraid 10 tell your
self. what frlghtcns you. what you
mean 10 keep secret from your own
heart
Events Of my llfe9 There are many OF
thcm-but what looks 10 me an event
an occurrence that. perhaps, forced up
on me the part I am playing IN the
world. the mnrkstones In my life In
short-to another they may appear stale
and empty and Improbable accidents
Yes. have had many experiences. TOO
many. but they were not experiences IN
the sense whlch the scnsatlon-hungy
mob alone recognizes. they are more
like trials. trials that have cost many
tears and the remembrance OF which
make me cry. cry. cry. every time when
play Lydia al Morane I'm the drama,
"Vlsltors at the wedding.'O. feel then
as n my soul was ready 10 20 out In
one great sob. II was ten years ago. In
Rio. The yellow fever went from house
to house. from palace TO hut. g1therlng
In Victims. We play actors played. one
day. at rehearsal. Dlotu appeared with
the pallor OF death on his brow, tired.
hardly able TO stand on his feet.
what ails thee7 For Gods sake tell"
Nothing strange feeling: my head
II not rg>.; but come, let US make a
start"
And he ala begin. saw he was not
himself. saw him trcmble as n shak-
en- by Intense cold.
do not attempt the impossible" |
said II am going to close the theater"
"And thy fortune2" he made answer
"all thy fortune II at stake. I will be
better tonight, let US proceed with re-
hearsal."
Suddenly. In the midst OF an exciting
situation. he broke down II was the
fever The fever that never let's up on
a being marked for destruction. What
were we TO do2 We had 10 play. be-
cause we were under contract: we had
10 play because good many tickets
had been sold: We had to play because
the Shylockian Impressario wanted his
pound OF flesh: we had 10 play while be
was lying alone. deserted. fighting The
battle OF death.
on the FIRST evening: Fedora. The
house. as stated. sold out and Ia fail
urc In all that the word implies. The
theater-a great. Immense atructure-l
myself small. Insignificant, a person OF
no consequence. My voice-great God
how should my voice penetrate into the
partcrre2 I believe / might as well have
said: "Loris. love thee" than 'Lorls'
leave me"-nobody would have known
the difference, Add 10 this that there
was a continuous whispering and muir
murlng In all parts 81 the house. In the
boxes, In the galleries. everywhere. an
the time. from the beginning up 10 the
curtains fall My heart my head my
voice--they seemed not 20 belong 10 me
az all. had no power over either. ]
was thinking OF him all the time, OF
him alone.
AZ last the performance closed. / ran
home. and, In the darkness of my room,
threw myself on the door. had never
felt 80 lonely before.
Next day: Intermisslon. We played
only three times In the week. The
newspapers gave their final decision.
They said I had certain something
about me that attracted attention, but
my voice? Well. half Of that l have
said they could not hear ana the other
half they were unable to understand