The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-06-21
A BAD MEMORY.

have a shocking memory. I believe
was "born so;'' anyhow 1 suffered a good
deal at school in the process of learning
the dates of our sovereigns since the con-
quest. Even now have to think deeply
before can remember my own date. As
to my wifes birthday-well, don't pre-
tend to guess that within six months.
Ny friends have often advised me to
study an artificial memory system. did
try one, or rather tried to try it. I bought
o handbook, and by way of making good
start forgot TO pay for it. Then forgot to
read it, and when my wife logged my
memory I couldn't for the life of me re-
member where had left the beastly thing.
So that system was a failure , and never
had the heart to try another.
OF course it is quite useless to trust me
with letters for the post. I have patiently
carried important missives in my pockets
for weeks together and been heartily
abused for my pains. As a rule, no one
dreams of asking me to do a shopping
commission, but one day, my better half
being laid up with sprained ankle, was
sent into our town to get a stock of house
hold necessaries. l was provided with
three similar lists in case lost or mlslaid
one and fiattered myself that l should
come out of the ordeal with flying colors.
Just as l was starting my wife sent out
a final message by the servant and as I
was too lazy to pull out all the lists and
make three notes of it I tied knot in my
handkerchief and forgot all about it.
I got through my list of purchases brave
ly, then 1 suddenly encountered the mne-
monte knot. Did 1 remember what it
meant? Not a bit. I hadn't the faintest
idea. At first l was rather amused, then
l grew angry and registered mental oath
that I wouldn' t go home without execut-
ing that mysterious commission.
I returned to the George, where my
horse was put up, and smoked a pipe to
sharpen my wits. 1t was no use, so walk
ed out and stared into all the shop win
dows, if haply the thing" might meet
my eye and enlighten my understanding.
That plan failed.
returned to the George and thought
over the letters of the alphabet coming
ct last to the conclusion that the article
began with NJ That was the nearest
could get to it.
Then Jones came into the smoking room.
"Jones," 1 said, you know what an aw-
full memory have. Well, my wife asked
me to get her something, and 1 can't re-
member what it was but I believe it be-
gins with NJ. wish you'd suggest some
thing"
Money" said Jones promptly
''No; it wasn't that today, for won
DER
Then Jones waxed facetious and wrote
me out list of M's-machine guns, met
ronomes, mangles, matrimonial news, me-
chanical monkeys and so on. 1 left him
chuckling over his own idiotic feebleness.
''It wasn't Inegatherium, was it?'' he
inquired q parting shot.
NJ u 7
pie
He had riled me rather; but, after all,
he had given me hint. I was pretty sure
of the NJ, and by consulting price list L
might arrive at solution of my enigma.
was prepared to swear that the some
thing was neither medicine, nor music
nor millinery, nor mullins Gncluding all
sorts of pastry, nor melons, as typical of
green stuff, so that my inquiries seemed
limited to groceries, hardware and butch
er's meat.
I wasn't quite certain about the last
item, SO l went to our shop and feebly ask
ed the butcher if he thought I wanted any
meat. 1 expect he thought was certainly
in no need of drink, but he urbanely in
formed me that he had sent us out joint
that morning. So 1 thanked him and re-
tired hastily.
Then procured an ironmOnger's cata-
1ogue and studied it in vain. There was
nothing at all feasible under HM." AS a
last resource, I returned to the grocer s,
where l had already made extensive pur-
chases, and asked to see his price list.
Even then 1 couldn't spot the thing, but
on the off chance of making a lucky shot
I invested heavily in macaroni, mustard,
matches, marmalade, picked mushrooms
and timed milk Then I cudgeled my
brains till felt quite stupid and finally
gave it up as bad job. 1 drove home in
disgust with enough parcels of food to
victual polar expedition.
Nellie said the moment I got in
doors, ''you sent me a message just as 1
! was starting''-
Eyes, and didn your
t'Stop moment! Didn't it begin with
mp
''More or less"
"There! I knew it did. But I'm very
sorry, dear, I couldn't remember what it
was I sat in the George nearly two
hours trying to think of it,
"Then out of the house you go this in
stanti I particularly told you not to &C
near the place. as they'd had a case of
measles there"
It all came back to me in a moment,
that was her parting injunction She
| turned me ont into the garden-I felt toe
| crushed to resist-and insisted on my
standing in the filthy smoke of a bonfire
| till she thought 1 was sufficiently disin-
| fected I wasn't allowed to kiss the chill
! dren for week.
Catch me going on any more errandsl-
New Budget.
Names Fabes In the yVoods Story.