Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1895-12-11
TEA-TABLE SALAD.


Father-"What was your mother talk
ing about just now?''
Son-"I don't know"
Father-"Why, YOU sat and heard it
allr'
Son-"Yes: but she was talking to the
baby. London Judge.
Teacher-"What are the principal prod
ucts of Cuba?'
Tommy eeches, kilograms and edi-
torials. indianapolis Journal.
He's hailed by girls both fair and sweet,
Who greet him from afar,
Yet he is not a hero, but
Conductor of the car.
New York Herald.
Whyte-"What made you cnange doc
tors? | thought DR.. Pellet was your
family physician
Browne-'So he was; but | never like
to owe any one doctor more than $780,
Somerville Journal
Did you have nice Thanksgiving.
Tommy" asked the young mans aunt.
Pretty good" was the answer, with
the air of one who makes the best of
things; though I'm not as sick as was
last year"
Il only wish they'd confne Thanks
giving to one day"
We'll, don't they?'
Not at my house. I'll have to cat
cold, minced, deviled and croquetted tur-
key all next week!'-Chicago Record.
Neighbor- Business picking up any"
Brownies, / am thankful to say
that it has; the hard times are over.
I've got employment for my wife and
both my little girls. Nothing like hust-
ling. "-EXchange.
How sweet and pleasant it is to be-
long to some secret society, and after
many years of listening to the continual
iteration of one collocation Of words. to
be followed to the grave by an awkward
two sizes too big!-Boston Transcript
II think there'd be less sin in the
world if there were fewer command
ments," said Darlington.
Il don't see" observed Whitcchoker,
"how that would affect matters"
"There'd be fewer IL break" explained
Darlington.-Harper's Bazaar.
WAS not that a most touching speech
of our hosts on the satisfaction arising
from doing good to ones fellow Great
ures? said one of the guests to his
neighbor.
Il quite agree with YOU" was the re-
ply; why, even old Fitzsenmeer. the
money-lender. dropped a-tear into the
collectors plate."-Unsere Gesellschaft.
SIMILITUDE.
1t is in football as in life
So say some learned tutors;
few perform the real strife;
The others are but ''roOters.'
Washington Star
DO you think it will rain tonight"
asked a citizen of the policeman. Il
don't know, sir: I've only been in the
TidBits.
Offspring-'Pa, what does it mean
when it says lie was a person of infinite
leisureT"
Pa-"Oh. don't bother me. Johnny.
I'm awful busy. Means probably that
he was Il messenger boy"
Yabsley-"This is dollar tie, but I
got it at a dry goods store for II cents"
Mudge-"Ah! SO you saved % cents"
Yabsley-'No. l lost II cents l had
to wait so long for my change that when
| came out | had to spend 40 cents for
shave and haircut. indianapolis
Journal.
A miser grows rich by seeming poor;
an eXtrayagant man grows poor by seem
ing rich.-Shenstone.
Paw asked Johnny, what grows in
beer garden?"
THE head. my SON. groancd Mr. Jag
way, applying some more pounded ice
Chicago Tribune.
No man who has once heartily and
wholly laughed can be altogether and ir-
reclaimably deprayed.-Carlyle.
Virgins is a whole lot of sports
sportsman" "A what?'' Buys most
of his game. Indianapolis Journal
$50 you want to marry one of my
daughters, do you? Suppose you take
the eldest
but, my dear sir. my debts are not
so large as all that. '-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
Now the merry time comes nigh,
When the lass, so slick and shy,
Will appreciate her papas weakest Joke
And with skillful fiattery
She will laugh with widest glee-
After Christmas he will find that he is
broke. Philadelphia Record.
THE RISK TOO GREAT
Gifts are so cheap for Christmas"
She said with sigh
THAT 1T really seems almost wicked
To let them go by.
And you are so dear my angel
That husbands reply,
THAT | cannot bear to let you
Attempt to so buy.
Detroit Free Press
Had some Good Points.-"'I can't use
this as q poem, MISS" said the editor,
''but if you'll shorten it n little I'll pub
lish it as a new college yell. Chicago
Tribune.
Ethel-"she forgave me-" Jack
GLOW diviner' Ethel-''And has re-
minded me of it ever since Jack
''How human!'- PUCK
A Growing Demand They talk of a
new creation of peers in England" For
the export trade ?''-Brooklyn Life
Benedict-"Why don't she marry you?
Is there another man in the case?" Sin
gleton-"Yes; her father" -Tid-B Bits.