The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-04-12
MARTYR TO A MEERsoHAusI.
Used n Cigar BOX and Smoked Pc
riqae. a. Jones Advised.


Upon Jones's return 10 his old haunt sf-
ter an absence OF two weeks. his friends
expressed surprise at the blue lines under
his eyes and his general careworn appear
ance. There vas an air OF sadness about
him that Won their sympathy at once. and
they gathered around him to find out all
about II.
"Sick?"
NO"
Been on a timer
NO"
Lost a relativs?''
enc"
Game into a fortuneT'
mo"
Got the consumption"
NO, no, boys. It is the result Of ehagrln,
disappointment and overwork. I had a va
cation. 1t was not that, but what I'D
during i that nearly finished me- And the
worst Of IL is that ] brought il all upOn
myself L hoped to bring the thing back
70 YOU as proud and glorious demOnstra-
lion OF my genius-yes, i confess, to hum
bic YOU, and make you enviOus. BUT pride
Soeth before a fall-and a meerschaum
pipe before humiliation.
I purchased 1t with great care. 1t took
me Two hours to select II. The dealer said
ne would put little button in the bottom
ana that would make it awfully easy TO
color H. on the way home l met Brown.
IL YOU value my friendship. BOYS. don't
ever let on to Brown that You ever heard
any thing about that pipe. Hen guy me to
Ncalh. Brown was right about IL, you see.
he said i wanted to smoke it once in
a while very slowly, never more than
one pipe on the same evening, and in
ABOUT a year 1t would be colOred up nice
". Al first 1 just told Brown that lived
IN the nineteenth century and that l
oldn propose to waste any such amount
OF tlme on meerschaum pipe-eVen If It
was the most serious undertaking of my
me- Then Brown got in earnest and he
argued with me as If his life depended
upon It; He said that Ia be spelling a
dozen Mpes and wouldn't have any at all
az the end of the year if / did otherwise.
Brown Is very modest; ne seldom volun-
teers information. But / knew that
should forever lose his friendship and
he'd forever think he a driveling idiot II
DIN take his advice about coloring a
scnaum wasn't weak in that respect. l
tel you, II your wife should ask you 10
color your pipe on a hot griddle, do it,
or she,l II be asking divorce tomorrow.
so ! promised Brown by all that was
holy that I'd follow his directions. He
adlQ ne come around every few weeks
ana see If l was getting on all right"
met Just eight other friends before /
got nome. one said ito inclose II in cha
moois skin and smoke IL on the run down
Dy the seaside, another to stick my head
IN pillow case, another to smoke II with
the bOwl' under kettle, another to hold
= over the bowl of a Turkish pipe, which /
should smoke with all my might for three
hours pefore going to bed, another TO
soak 1t in tobacco juice, and so on.
w ell, L promised each one Of the
whole nine of them-didn't dare do any
thing else-that l would follow his ad-
1 vice. When / got TO thinking II over /
remembered that not one of them had
shown me pipe of his own coloring 70
Illustrate the virtue of his particular
method Then I got bold and concluded
mat l wouldn't have any pipe ruined by
an amateur
so ! went up to Jones. He's an actor
When ne can get the chance. He had
SHOWN me hve or six finely colored pipes
Certainly! He said he's be delighted to
| put me on to the secret of the way in
! which he had colored all OF his. Wouidn't
| do IL for anybody else, though 1t cost
me two or three dinners to find out that
/ 1 was TO cut a hole in a cedar cigar box,
/ run the stem through leaving the bowl
1 inside, shut the cover down tight and
smoke perique-smoke it hard. lie said
/ that the cedar-cedar was a great point
] and the smoke on the outside with the aid
! OF the smoke on the inside, would fix II
| up n line shape in two weeks time-if j
every evening.
You know what perique is. 1t takes a
| man with a strong constitution to stand
/ one pipe of It. But I was pretty healthy.
and our family is noted for vitality. and /
/ started in courageously
i locked my door, took a BATH braced
| myselt against the CRATE with that cigar
/ box firmly grasped in my two hands and
worked Ike trooper for three hours /
dld ten pipes OF perique ard ii FACED me
pretty badly. l was cheered by seeing q
little black spot on the underpart of The
bowl At night 1 didn't get my rest / lust
dreamed OF pipes. They came in twos and
Tours and skies with wllanious counter
ances and raped my head until it ached
awfully.
AT the end of a week the pipe was all
| colored, but it was black as a ravens wing
and didn't have any luster at ALL l went
| to Jones about 1t. He said that / was IN
the middle stage-he had meant to tell me
about the middle stage-and If L could
stand it for another week l would have a
pipe that would beat even his. In fact, he
said he had never seen the conditions In
any pipe so favorable IN the middle stage
as they were in mine. That gave me new
strength and ] went home and made a
! martyr of myself.
You can see for yourselves. Look at me,
Zones said he was sorry; I m!sunder-
stood him. He meant to smoke in little
puffs, which he thought that everybody
knew who was smoking hard He didn't
think any one should ever joke about such
q serious matter as coloring a meerschanm
pipe. If l ever meet him on the street
| III punch him, that's what I'll do"