The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-07-05
DURING LEISURE HOURS.

n nrm oil nurserymen at Rochester
writes us as follows
During leisure hours, could YOU
take hold and represent us ?" Certain.
ly, gentlemen, and we will jump at the
chance. You have our most hearty
thanks for throwing in our way this
golden opportunity to prevent time
from hanging heavily on our hands,
and to enable us to get rich suddenly,
by peddling fruit trees, grape vines,
shrubbery, and bulbs through the
county. Not only this, but such en-
ployment would give us much needed
exercise. We could walk through all
the thorough fares of the county, as
we'll as the hedges and by-ways, seek
ing tor customers, and after 2colkin1
into their premises, we would, no
doubt, run out in an involuntary sort
OF way, to evade the watchfulness of
the bulldog trained to extend hearty
welcome to tree agents and other
peddlers ; and also to prevent damage
to the southern portion of our only
pair of pantaloons. We say aoalk, be-
cause we have no horse, and could
not afford to buy bicycle until after
the returns of our first weeks sales
come in. Just as soon as we get on
the bicycle, our family will stand a
very fair chance to get the benefit of
our life insurance.
Farmers in this section ENJOY visits
from tree agents. They sit on their
front porches day after day, watching
for them. If the dog is not vicious
enough, the shot gun stands in handy
spot behind the door. By the way,
gentlemen, do you supply your agents
with bullet-proof clothes ? Ifso, send
on a complete outfit, including one
pair OF leather seated pants.
For fear that selling nursery stock
will not occupy all of our numerous
"leisure hours we would like to add
few more lines to handle with your
goods. If you know any people who
deal in lightning rods, patent churns,
hog troughs, gates, threshing machines
and gold bricks, please send us their
addresses, SO that we can keep reason
ably busy, after the very light-work of
running printing Office is off our
hands each week. We have nothing
to do now but read exchanges, write
locals and editorials, read proof,
superintend the job department, keep
the books, make collections, solicit
subscriptions and job work, attend to
all correspondence, make contracts
for advertising, bounce people who
come in to thresh us for publishing
what is not true, and get out of the
way Of those about whom something
has been printed that is true, they
are always the most dangerous, be-
cause they are the maddest), buy all
the material, handle all the stock that
is used, try lawsuits, and run a church
choir. All the time not employed in
one of these ways, are our "leisure
hours" and we again say that our JOY
is unlimited at the thought that there
is way now open by which those
leisure hours can be proftably spent
BY the way, gentlemen, how about
your leisure hours2 "Could not yor
take hold and represent us1" We
will give you fair commission on al
subscriptions you will secure in Ro
chester, and if you will come dowr
here, you can canvass the county fol
us on liberal terms. Newspaper mer
are safe in this section. People anc
bulldogs don't trouble them. Bull
dogs wont bite 'em and people won't
pay 'em. If you want the job, write
us for further particulars.
Meanwhile send on your outfit, ant
when time ends and eternity begins
we shall have some "leisure hours,
unless we get out Of the ncwspape
business sooner.