The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1895-01-31
WIT AND HUMOR.

/
so Your oldest son holds position
of trust, Ell? Cashier in a bank?"
Mop; manager OF q biz installment
house. "-Bufalo Courier.
Lawyer (angrily)-Are you sure you
are telling the truth? Witness BE
| iabers, YOU wudn't be so hot about it il
Oi wasn't.-N J. Weekly.
Sailor (defantIy) Ut will take more
than you to hold me, Eli tell you. Can
nibal (signilicantly)--Oh, shall invite
few friends. Detroit Tribune.
boo d. Ito ieweIer)-I brought back
/ this engagement ring that | bought yes
/ terday Jeweler-Didn't it suit? Doc
D.-I didn't-PhiladelphiG Record.
An exchange announced on the death
/ of u lady that she lived fifty years with
! her husband and died in the confident
! hope of a better life.-TeraS SJtingS.
Visitor-W hen you are a man what
| do you want to Bean author, like your
papa? Johnny (who had just been
I thrashed)-No; a critic. -FIjegejlde Blat-
! ter.
When Johnny was aroused from his
morning nap by his papa's heavy hand
he understood what was meant by be-
inc raped in Standardization Tran
script
Pastor-You ought to be ashamed Of
vourselfi Even animals know when tC
stop drinking. Ioper--So do l when
drink what they do UoonS0cbet Re
porter.
Some folks would never have any
gold if they had to dig for it, and never
! any sunshine if they had to crawl out
of the shade to find it.--4tlanta C0nStt-
tuition.
What dye find on the body?" "A
copy of Ibsen's poems, pair of eyeglass
es, a Santa Fe stock ceTtif'-- "Tele-
graph TO Boston" - Phiiadelphia IN
| Qutrer.
Husband - Another milliner billf
Why, | paid one only day before yes
terday Wife-Day before yesterday !?
| Goodness, how time tlies!-FHegende
! Biatter.
As a rule, man can make everything
| better than he can make an excuse,
| and a woman can make excuses better
than she can make anything else
| -dtchiSOn GLOBE.
As soon as his engagement is an
nounced the average young man be-
/ gins to observe that there are other girls
besides his betrothed who are pretty
AtchiS0n Globe.
and were the ladies of the audience
melted in tears?" Were they? l
don't believe there was Il complexion in
-, IL ly-aI 10
troH IribuHe.
A listle girls father had Il round bald
spot. Kissing him at bedtime not long
ago, she said: ~Stoop down. popsy; |
want to kiss the place where the lining
shows YH-BHS.
Wife, thought you were going fish
ing? Husbanu-I am, but I'm going
to get some bait, first. Wife-Remem-
ber William, you signed the pledge
Detroit Free Press.
Friend-What is your father doing
now, Jimmy? Jilnmy-Father? DOM?
Les see-this is Sadderday-I s'pect hes
irwin to borrer n 50 bill about now
! Ciecela1d PlaiHdcaier.
"Dah'S one respect, said Uncle Eben,
Gus. He kahn mex trouble fob hisse' f
wifout glbbin' somebody else share in
it . Washington STIR.
Amiable professor (to his scrvanD-
! For three weeks | have reminded you
every day to buy me notebook. Hence
forth | shall remind You of it only once
Il week.-FHcgcnde Bnttcr.
Kittv-All the girls were crazy over
that foreign count. but he fell in love
with Ada the moment he saw her in
/ decollete gown. Tom-Yes, | under
stand she says she won by neck
! Irutb
As the Bells Tolled the Midnight
! Hour.-He-Tm awfully poor you
know She-WelI, | don't want to
hurt your feelings, but { can lend you
. cents for car fare, if you will only let
me.-LJe.
Mrs. Bacon-As | came up the street J!
saw the policeman on his beat with his
arm around a iamppOst. The Cook
Yes, ma'am; that's way he has when
he's thinking of me, ma'am.-IonberS
/ Statesman.
Uncle Josh-Did any of them robbers
! git a holt of yew when YOU was in New
| York? Uncle 81 No, by gosh! Every
time l seen one of them p'lice lodged
into hallway or somethin'.-Indial-
| ap0liS Joarnal
First Cockroach-Betterm move over to
my house. Second Cockroach-Wh
First Cockroach-Or folks have some
| OF the most delightful new insecticides.
4 &c -
them.-DetrOU Post.
You don't pay any taxes" sneered
the plutocrat. NO, but pay revenue, ;"
rejoined the poet proudly. | would
have you to know, sir, that on one ten
! line poem alone paid so cents postage
in one year.-HadjanapoIis Jour0aL
Tell u.s." cried the group of maidens,
"how to remain always young and at
tractive." That is just dead easy" re-
/ piled the sage, without even lifting his
ewes from his book. Get a fortune
and stay single. "-IndianapoliS Jour-
| nal.
| What was the first money you ever
earned, Hicks?" Money didn't get, 5"
said Hicks. My mother cut off nv
/ curls when | was a small boy and wore
/ EN- herself. | must have saved her
thirty or forty dollars. "-Harper'S Ba.
zdr.
Mother" sobbed the young bride,
"he is just as mean as he can be,' No.
he isn't dear" said the mother sooth-
ingly. A man can't really develop all
his meanneSS till he has been married
four or five years. "-I'idianapoliS Jour
nal
Proud Mother-Little Dick is the
most ingenious boy. He'll be a great
inventor. Practical Father-If he has
bent for experimenting I'll make a
doctor of him. \ doctor gets paid for
his experiments; an inventor doesn't
al A-aaua
Chamberlain's Eye and Skin Ointment