The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1895-01-08
PITH AND POINT.

Il ILL AMI l. O1N i.
Doctors motto-Patients and long
suffering
Men, like books, have at each end
blank leaf-childhood and old age.
People get wisdom by experience. A
man never wakes up his second baby
to see it laugh.
Barber-"How do you want your
hair cut?" Customer-"Of."- Har-
ward Lampoon.
One cannot really be attentive to
dude without staring Mt vacancy
Richmond Dispatch.
There is no greater fortune for a
young man than full set of good hab-
it's Galveston News.
Is it proper to speak of those horses
which race by electric light as night
mares?-Albany Argus.
"Pll join you presently" remarked
the minister to the young couple Us he
went for the church key.
There is much tenderness in this
seemingly cruel world, but the butch
er rarely finds it.-Gossip.
In case of woman suffrage where
would Lieutenant Peary's wife go to
vote? To the Poles, of course.
1t frequently costs man six years
of rheumatism to catch one belated
'possum. Atlanta Constitution.
Women would be of little use on
board leaking ship; they couldn't
man the pumps. Lowell Courier.
She-'It takes two to make bar.
gain, you know" He-"Yes; but
only one gets IT. Boston Courier.
Wouldn't winters coming
Crafty the soul
III II only meant the need
OF ice instead of coal?
Washington Star.
Mrs Jameson-"Did you try that
deaf mute servant j sent your" Mrs.
Heating -"Yes-but she didn't an.
swer. Truth.
De Yeve-'I hear Miss Dashly does
very good work with her pencil"
Gladys" Yes, her eye brows are
WORKS of art. = Truth
"Well, Johnnie, hear you go to
school now" yes" "What part
of it do you like best?" Comm
home. - arper's Bazaar.
He-'If I'd known that tunnel was
so long I'd have kissed you" She
Gracious, didn't you? Somebody
did. The Great Divide.
Beggar Kind gentleman, I beg
your pardon" Gent promptly
"Granted. 1 thought you were beg
ging for money. "-Pipitax.
May-'Is Clarence in love with
Pamela?" Algy-"T guess so. He
never pays any attention to her when
other girls are around. Truth.
A subscriber writes: Before the
introduction OF umbrellas, what did
people do when it rained?" They
probably knew enough to go in.
Man wants but little here below.
Some call this mistake,
But that It's true he soon can provo
By just a slight tooihache.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
A housekeeper uptown says that her
grocer is SO slow with his delivery
that when she orders eggs the boy
brings chickens. Philadelphia Rec
ord
az wish We had more literary PEG.
pie like Blank" Great Scott, he's
never had anything published.
"Tbat's just why. Chicago Inter
Ocean
cit is one of the duties Of the true
soldier" said the Chinese general,
"to make way for those who come af.
ter us !" And he made. Cleveland
Plaindealer.
Spend, and the world is with you,
Scrmp and you're lett alone
This age so sublime, likes q deuce ofatime
On some ones else change than ifs own
Boston Courier.
Doc D. Ito jeweler-'T brought
back this engagement ring that I
bought yesterday" Jeweler -'Didn't
1t suit?" Doc D.-'I didn't
Philadelphia Record
Bessie -"Tho idea of your saving
that you are only twenty Gus.
sie-"You forget mamma told us that
it is always better to underrate than
to exaggerate. Truth.
Putting and blowing are often con.
Bldefed synonymous terms. But in
the sanctum the editor soon discovers
the difference it, instead OF putting
man MP, he blows him up.
a subscriber asks: "Can you give
me any information about n musical
tYpewriter?" Yes; our typewriter is
decidedly musical She whistles
"Sweet Marie" all the time.
She lonthusiastically)-'T would
have given anything in the world TO
get it,. Well, why didn't You
buy it?' She-"Oh, il cost too much