davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

Washington, hearing that the colored
sentinels could not be trusted, went out
one night to ascertain if the report was
correct The countersign was Cam
bridge, " and the general, disguised. as
he thought. by large overcoat, ap-
preached u colored sentry.
'Whogoes there?" cried the sentinel.
"a friend, = replied Washington.
Friend, advance unarmed and givs
the countersign. said the colored man.
Washington came up and said, ''Rox-
bury"
mo, sail, /" was the response.
"NIedford, y said Washington.
mo, sab. returned the colored sol
der.
charleston. " said Washington.
The colored man Immediately ex-
claimed, Il tell You, Massa Washing
ton, no man so by here out he say
Cambridger'-Youth's Companion.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
In wildcat chicago.

Mr.. Eugene Field once in London
took Mrs. Humphry Ward i'll to dinner.
Mrs. Ward was monumental and i'm
passive. and several courses passed in q
decent and orderly silence. Finally she
turned to Mr. Field and said:
Tell us of Chicago, of your habits
aud customs. have never known any
one vino lived there.
And Mr.. Field replied, beginning
thus, We'll, Mrs. Ward, when / was
caught, was living in tree. Chap
Book.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

bobt4ii street car, but where one has
half million worth of property and u
hundred lives in his charge sos per
month is not sufficient remuneration.
Such u man must know how to navigate
ship just as veil US the master of an
Atlantic liner: He must know that the
earth is round. like ball. and slightly
depressed at the poles; also that the
earth is composed of land aud water,
and that she reyolves upon her axle
uees once in "a hours, and that mid
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
had. LIttle scl,ems.

Brown-Tell you, old man, have a
scheme now that absolutely requires no
capital and is sure winner every time.
am going TO get rich.
Baker-You wouldn't let fellow in,
would you:
Brown-well, seeing that it is you,
will let you in for So.
Baker-Oh, well, So is not much to
risk OH good thinsl Here it is, and
now tell me what your scheme is.
Brown-That's it.
What's it?
Brown-That is. Haven't just made
five out OF it? Go thou and do like
wise Tribune.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
BILL NYE
The BLOOMING BAHAMAS.
| Telegram Readers are
Eold About Tropical Life.
Bill Gets VERY Lonesome.
l.n,rlcht. ~. hy Elgar ". Nve.l

Copyright, lSsE. by Edgar ". Nye.l
Is THE BAHAMAS.
pa..ibly to those who may ut times
In with great big yearn to be u
N Air child, and seek salnbrious
n along tho palm infested borders
dia sumner seas, these lines may
Re u-cfnl and instructive.
Ftr hr.i tourist to touch ut these
~ and sock much needed rest and
|ngo Of scenc was Christopher Colum.
Iii strange that this great navi-
i. who attained unliuundnd ndvertis.
by his uir. should lave been in dan
Of imprisonment and death because
theory regarding the rotundity of
earth was regarded AS contrary to
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
Good Advice.

A blacksmith was once summoned to
county court as witness in dispute
between two of his workmen. The
judge, after hearing the testimony,
asked him why he did not advise them
TO settle, as the costs had already
amounted to three times the disputed
sum. He replied: Il told the fools TO
settle, for, said, the clerk would take
their coats, the lawyers their shirts, and
if they got into your honor's court
you'd skin emf Newcastle Chronicle.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

A Scotch elder was asked how the
kirk was getting along. He answered:
"Aweel, we had 400 members; then
we had a division, and there were
only 200 left; then disruption, and
only 10 Of US were left; then we had a
hercsy trial, and now only me and
Brother Duncan are left, and have
great doubts of Dnncan's orthodoxy. I"
Boston Traveller.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

= =
teligiun of his time. but such was
elss4 sOw-it i quite orthodox to
eys in the earth j rotundity, and we
see by this that even religions be.
is o matter of growth.
be natives of these islands We're, as
rmbns found them, noticeable for
rirSweetnsss of temper and goodness
Opposition. They also believed in
Supreme Being, and yet the Span
actually depupulated these islands
orertine them to their belief. Not
Of the original natives or their de-
dants Is supposed to live here now.
herearcagoodmany divorces, formal
informal, in this country, tho causes
8 "non'upport and intidelity. = lam
lly PANIED 10 know that infidelity is.
pmmon here. With so much good
teaching as there has been in this
tFy the presence of intidelity as
% BY tho divorce trials is perfectly
Elishing.
Ter the Spaniards had depopulated
Bahamas and other western islands
buccaneers followed. These gents
Ell IN with u few dugouts and
r valued at s79.S2, and soon cap
the Spanish shipping bya heroism
ny y 4 better cause. These burca-
Knew the reefs so we'll that they
board 4 Spanish vessel, loot tho
hold tho prisoners for ransom and
Of tho way before any one could
them with large boats or heavy
u forces.
good deal the same custom is now
lIenl among the land pirates of
and the West Indies. A Cuban
u after graduating at college, or.
eS . little athletic team and starts
Or the bills, rhcparty hangs about
aeep deiilcs Of the mountain coun-
where It can swnop down on the
T. Then it surprises them, takes
rar hohS and watches, sells them
Pawn people Of Havana and holds
lor likely ones for ransom.
= uce !, sent into town to inquiring
: \ follows; We have your pa
WIN u. Would you like to have
'ohIe home and rattle round in the
y ny family Please send $500
~ dollars by an attractive un-
person, and we will return him.
WI" " shall repeat this notice
mcIo,mo>
'am!y hnrrieS about aud sells the
Al sacrifice, but cannot quite
r money ~ time. y second letter
lrom the chief, written on the
NNH y papcteric, with beauti-
"'sr'n and crest, and reads as
e'Fe 'ained to send this second
hyourm.
elncip,n his ear. You will recoy.
~ ne wart. Other selections
W." n WI hr made from time to
lh'rc thousand dollars will now
u'''1 though he is not so valuable
was Va \, We remit 10 you Install
" Your IA from time to time we
'aA' We are cutting down his
,P'tl1lsy when we begin to work
~ thorough earnest. Please do
'N' y necessary for Us to resort to
""''''' a, the weather is getting
AM ynr pa might be held ut the
s.''i "'iicc In the interest Of those
w. 'hr best interests of the resur-
a heart we urge that you will
,on'"so Us to scatter your pa any
nan necessary.
gloS'ng allow me TO subscribe
.efy sincerely, your most obedi-
" wa" COLORADO AIADuRo.
thicf Anthropologist, z
F'o'"ience, the island OH which
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
Romance Of tn. Dim, Museum.

81 congratulate You on your engage
ment TO the giantess, said the ossified
man, but it will cost you u great deal
to keep her iii dresses, won't it?'
"Yes, sighed the dwarf, ''she comes
high, but I've got to have her Chi
oago Tribune.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
saved.

wife-rve had a dreadful thing hap.
pen While | was at the milliner's to-
day had my pocketbook stolen, but
ttriumphantlyl the thief didn't get .
thing
Great heavens, how's that? gave
You lot of money this morning,
Wife, know it, but he didn't take
it until was going out-Glothier and
Fnrnisher.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

I'D rather have nutmeg than
fame. said the idiot
Why" said the wise man.
because. replied the idiot, fame
is for the great. but the nutmeg is for
the crater. "-Philadelphia Record.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
81. Dldn,, me n.

Its very hard to understand what
men see in baseball remarked young
Mrs. Torkins.
"Did you ever attend game?''
"once. But didn't like it. 1t seemed
too effeninate. "
'Eheminater'
eyes, TO see all those great, stalwart
creatures running around in bloomers. .
Washington Star
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
Rel,a.l,.

sanford-I'm sorry, old man, that
ANGLER has gone for your new play so.
Morton-Oh, that IS nothing. / don't
pay any attention to what he says. he
simply writes what he picks up in the
lobby. London Judy.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

way between the poles there is an imag-
mary line called the equator. All these
things he can hardly know positively at
500 per month.
He may err ut times on salary like
that. He might get off the track u little,
as dida Young man here in the treasury
department the other day.
Speaking of elocutionary training aud
its advantages, he said, II tell you.
there's nothing like good elocutionary
training to give man fine resinous
tone of voice"
Yes" said another clerk, sit must
help the pitch"
! need hardly add that the man is a
Tar Heel.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

1t was asked about an Indifferent
football player what place he occupied
in the field-was he full back or q
half backs
No, " was the reply; che was
drawback. boston Post.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

Judge-what made you strike the
plaintiff:
Prisomer-Why, wewere riding down
! town, aud he had the nervet to ask me if
didn't think that the weather was
that. kind that made u man feel as
though he was alive. Syracuse Post.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
IsraII.tIr.

Criuc-Has that painting of yours.
"At Work III thu Fields, " received any
favorable comments.
/, Artist-A rather seedy looking man
stopped to look at it today, and he said
it made him tired. Philadelphia Rec
nrd
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
His Life secret.

Heroine tdespairinglyl-How much
are You paid for thus relentlessly pur.
suing me:
Heavy Villain Forgetting himselfl-
A paltry $l5 week and expenses,
ma'am.-BuifaIo Courier.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

Huax-Huw much ars these bananass
Fruit yender-T'ree centa da piece.
90 centa da dozen.
Huax-Three cents apiece and so
cents u duzen! / suppose that's an Ital-
ian connt, isn't it, Philadelphia Rec
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
Another Of Times Possible Revenrrs.

New Woman lin crowded car, speak.
ing Indignantly to hcrselfl-I tiidn' t
mind giving the young man my seat. hut
he might at least have had the decency
to thank mo for it.-Chicago Tribune.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
A Great Dlnereps..

Boy-Papa, what's the difference be.
tween adapted" and ''adopted:"
Fnther-Thered don / seem to be much,
but there is. have adopted your moth
er's views, hat I'm ghost If I'm adapt.
ed to them. Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
where n Trnnhlnd Him.

Doctor-If you have writer's cramp,
you will simply have to give your hand
rest Learn 10 write with the other
one If You can.
Casller-lt isn't in my hand, doctor.
It's in my Jaw. | dictate all my stuff TO
shorthand man. Chicago Tribune
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
Historic Bin of Fare.

A bona fide bill of fare from Cal
ifornia restaurant in gold fever" days
reads like u burlescue, aud in its rude
humor and exaggeration makes us feel
that Bret Harte's stories may be no
whit more fantastic than the truth. The
following was nctuniiy served ut Cal
ifornian hotel during the ''fitties:"
SOUP
Bean. 81. ostail tshort,. $50
Beef, Mexican lprime cut ............... 81 80
Beef, plain. ..,...............,..,... u
Beef ttamel from tho states. 80
Beef tup alongl. 81; with one spud ttair
slzeJ / %
VEGETABLES.
Baked beans, plain, Iic. CREASED, 81
Two spuds lfair sizei. JOc. peeled, 75c.
ENTREt2S
Sauerlsraut 81. Bacon, fritSl. 81. stuffed, 81
Hash, low grade. 15c. Hash IL c,lr7its, 81.
GAME.
Goldfish balls, per pair, 75c Grizzly. rostst, 81
Grizzly, fried, T5c Jachnss rabbit tNvhoiel, 81
PASTRY.
Rice pudding, plain, 1Sc. with molnsses, 81
Rice pudding with brandy peaches, 81
Square meat 81 payable in advance.
n. B--Gold scales at the end OF the bar.
Youths Companion.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
GARDEN SEEDS.

Fresh Garden Seeds. Peas,
Beans, Silver Skin. Yellow Dan
yer and Red Onion Sets, for sale
by
2o-tf r. I. LowNDEs
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

People are gossiping terribly about
us.
But, as you and know, they have
no reason to. /"
That's just what makes me so
angry. y
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
Differently Employel.

'Mammy's knittin dad pair of
socks. +"
Yes .
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

Go TO the Bee Hive Store for
your Spring Dress Goods. l9.2t
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05
A Change In the weather.

Colonel, may borrow your snow
sheesY''
Where are you going!'
to- the picnic, Atlanta Constitu.
tion.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

AN what's dad a.doin OFF,
"Prayin TO the Lord fer shoes. At
lanta Constitution.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

Turnpike Walker lin languorous
mood, to his fellow tramp)-Dear vii.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

Nassau is situated, contains s. square
miles of geology and eight mules. There
is no soil.
The trouble is that the farmers mo-
nopolize all the soil personally, and thus
robyegetation. II the agriculturist here
would divide up with the farm and let
the crops have what dirt he does not ac-
tuaily need to make himself healthy,
things would prosper here.
The island has good stone FONDA.
ton for farms. but requires the soil,
which seems to be walking ahout the
streets of Nassau begging for drinks
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1895-04-05

risk Of human life At the bottom of it
all no doubt is the measly price paid to
masters of ships ON this line.
Coming up. the coast on the trip be-
fore ours the steamer suddenly found
herself of Barncgat with the light on
he. starhoard instead Of her port howl
In other words, she was swiftly sail
ing for Duluth aud in few moments
would have been III the middle of n
corntieiil had not the man on watch mo-
ticed the light in time.
i am told thatNhe captain Of steam
eron this line,gets $50 per month. That
would be. AL right for the driver Of a
The herald., 1895-10-20

not to give anything to individuals. All
of that is done through DR.. Macarthur,
pastor of the BAPTIST church. to which
he belongs. ssThe .secrttiry investigates
every appeal before anything is given,
but when he is satisfied os to the business
of the case, the aid extended is OF a most
substantial caliber.
Tbe letters.addressed to Mr.. Rockefel.
Ter, which, by the way, he never sees,
because of the intervening secretary, are
extraordinary Some OF the writers
calmly ask for $40, 900 or $40, 0O0 and they
write as if they expected to get it. They
read of gift of 100000 or OF 81 ,000 900
made by Mr.. Rockefeller to some educa-
tional institution, and evidently think
that if they strike high and heavily more
attention will be given them. Dozens of
men and women call at the offices dur
ing the day and some OF them. particn-
larly women, are most persistent in their
efforts to see the money king, but long
experIenc, has taught the secretary how
to get rid of them. If they become OBJ
sJ.eperous they are not permitted to enter
the building again.
John H. Starin at one time had kind
y feeling for peddlers. AS boy he
travelled the Mohawk valley district in
the upper part of New York selling horse
medicines to the farmers, and he remem-
beys that the life was not an easy one.
One OF the sharp beggais learned of this
and managed to ses the rich man. He
told him how he had tramped from ono
end of the state TO the other and judic-
The herald., 1895-10-20

which is always formal, the Duke and
Duchess of Marlboroueh come very nsar
70 the person of the queen in professions
and al dinners. If everybody were IN
hand at one of these functions the order
would be as follows:
The sovereign.
The prince of Wales.
The sovereign's younger sons.
The sovereign's grandsons.
The sovereigns brothers.
The sovereigns uncles.
The sovereign's nephews
Arch bisho ID of Canterbury.
Lord high chancellor, or keeper, II o peer.
Arch bishop OF York.
Lord high chancellor of Ireland.
LORD presldoni, , Of privy council. If peers.
Lord high constable.
Earl Marshall. Above all
Lord high admiral. peers of
Lord steward OF her majesty's their
household. own
Lord chamberlain OF her majes- degree
ty's household
Dukes Oh England.
Then come dukes OF Scotland. dukes of
other sorts. the long line of peers of high
and low degree, with esquires and COM
moners dragging sadly in the chill dis
among the dukes according 10 the date of
theiI dukedoms. The duke of Norfolk
Howard, head OF the most ancient noble
family in England, is the premier. The
duke OF Marlborough is tenth. Bnt he
has seventeen dukes who must be further
away from the queen than he is. there
being twenty-seven dukes in ALL And
when Miss Vanderbilt is the duchess she
will walk beside him. Burke, however
inaccurate in family history. is undis~
puted in matters of etiquette. He says:
"A duke is styled His Grace and the
Most Noble and he is offici ally ad-
dressed by the crown as Our right trusty
and right entirely beloved COUSIN A
duke is likewise entitled, upon some oc-
casions, Most High Potent and Noble
Prince.
The only other American woman who
will be anywhere near Miss Vanderbilt
in order of precedence il Cor nsueleo Yzn-
aga, duchess of Manchester. And the
duke of Manchester ranks nine points
lower than tie duke of Marlborough.
If he chooses the duke OF Marlborough
may wear robe of scarlet, with four
bars of ermine. And he may put on his
head, when lie wishes to make a particu-
larry grand in npression, coronet made
of circle of gold with eight strawberry
leaves and zap OF crimson velvet with
| ermine trimmings and q gold tassel. The
| marriages of various members of the
| Spencer Churchill family with American
women have caused an interesting COM
| picationof relationships. Lord Randolph
| Churchill was ihe brother of this boys
father. Theodore Jennie Jerome, Lord
| Randolphs willow, will soon be Miss
| Vanderbilt s aunt. Then there is Lord
William Bgeaords wife. Lily Price,
afterward Mrs Hammersley, afterward
duchess of Marlborough. She will become
| Miss Vanderbit's step-mother-i n-law.
AS the marchioess of Blandiord, this
boys mother, i,still alive, Miss Wander
pilt will also haze mother-in-law. AS
this boy is on fiendly terms with his
STEP m other, aswell as with his mother.
MlsI Vanderbilt VIII be well provided
with those :isndly counselors, the
| m mnthers- -in-law.
The herald., 1895-10-20

after we had shaken hands, said that his
mother was a second cousin OF Mrs.
HuAtington. He seemed to be fam miliar
with the history of my wife's family, and
mentioned several little incidents. some
of which hsd heard before, and others
which were quite new to me. $3.50
II He WINS quietly dressed and seemed TO
be a gentleman. While talking he casu-
ally mentioned that he had come to New
York on business, but had not prospered.
After awhile he left me and | told him to
call again. week Inter he made an
other visit and seemed quite happy. sHe
said that things had frightened up for
him, anu that he expected to go west in
a few days and start in business. 1t
would take but small capital and hs had
some friends who would gladly advance
1t. AS he was going / told him if he
was in need of any small amount OF ready
money | could loan it TO him, but he
politely declined the offer.
. "Three days later he made another
call and seemed distuf bed. He said that
the friends he had counted upon to loan
him the money had suddenly sailed for
Europe, having been called away by the
dangerous illness of one OF their daueh-
ters, who was travelling with friends
abb Dad.
'He said: Il hate to ask you, Mr..
Huntington, to do me the favor of ad-
vancing the money. 1t is only $500 and
the opportunity seems to be such a good
one. that 1t seems too bad if fail to take
advantage of it. will give you my note
The herald., 1895-10-20
Some Begars Who Make
a Specially of Hunt
ing2iCh Men
NAPOLEONs OF THE CRAFT
Bogus "Torty-Nlers" Haunt Mackay,
But Russell Sage Has Been
BlacNsted BY Them,
curious Tricks

Whenevea number of Gotham's rich
est men gdogether to have friendly
talk there one topic which they always
agree upoind one which tests their de-
nunoiator powers to the utmost. 1t is
on the qu;ion of beggars.
The besr is the millicnaire's night
mare. Itnuts him sleeping and wax
ing on tstreet and in his office: at
home ant che homes of others; at din
ner and fine play. II he has reputa-
ton as philanthropist so much the
worse foim. He is regarded as an easy
mark, aas fair game at all times. =
The bar who makes a speciality of
the millaire is the Napoleon of the
craft. lis never to be found IN rags
like thedewalk species. He is not
playing pennies, nlckels or dimei.
He is ling for richer prey. He wants
doilarsi time and he wants n eoo1ly
numbe them He is a genius in his
vay, @ evidently he makes good
thing /, else there would not be so
many hem always making the rounds.
There no fraternal feeling among
The herald., 1895-10-20

iously brought in the names of several
small places, with which Mr.. Starin was
very familiar. He at last had to come to
New York for treatment in one OF the
hospitals and was sadly in need OF $40 TO
buy new stock of goods before he start
ed out on the road again. He concluded
by saying: "Of course. Mr.. Starin, rich
man like you don't know of the troubles
we have and how hard we must work
for few cents"
This had the desired effect and the
bogus peddler got S15 instead of $40. Sor .
time after that hardly day passed with.
out bringing to the off ce vf the mllioL-
aire peddler who had tramped all over
the state. For time Mr.. Starin won
dered at the great mum ber OF peddlers IN
hard luck and then it began to dawn
upon him that there was q reason for it.
The next time one of them came in he
threatened to have the fellow arrested
as a swindler, and the chap broke down
and told how the first one had brageed
about the easy work he had struck and
what soft thing it was to work him.
John W. Maokay, the silver king. is
afflicted with psculiar species of the
pest. His record as '49er in the Cali
fornia gold fever days, is SO we'll Known
that all the beggars who call on him ars
either '49ers or the sons of '49ers. For q
long time he was in ignorance of the
hoax but as it threatened to become
chronic he has called stop, but the
'49ers still assall him whenever be is IL
town.