Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1895-04-06

they brought unto him strong drinks
Of medicinal efficiency; namely. gin
cocktails, together with goblets eli
Tom and Jerry. and usquebaugh
straight, besides divers other potations
whereof the names we know not.
Nevertheless. albeit. he took at their
hands sufficient doses. such as the
guard did designate as '.S5c- Soc-dola-
gers e-e-every time" none of these
seemed to comfort him. nor make him
cease from muttering to himself with
out pause or cessation to the magic
name, lie Tariff, lie Tariff, lie Ta-
Riff, even as in his vision he had
heard the same repeated by his ghost
ly visitant.
Then some that stood thereby see
ing the king rolling his eyes and NUT
tering to himself as one gone clean
doddle daft, did hastily HE them
10 fetch the physicians, and magicans,
and counselors of state, lest he should
die outright in sight of his house
hold Whereas these also coming in
haste. and looking upon the king, and
hearing him mutter to himself, did at
first tall to disputing among themselves
wherewith to medicine him, whether
to use upon him blisters, oysters, or
drastic drugs. But certain of them
having strictly questioned the chief
cook, found that the king had supped
sumptuously and Unfortunately on fric-
asseed frogs; whereupon they straight
way with one consent used upon him
the stomach pumps. And, verify,
| this had the desired effect in SO much
as it did bring up the fricassee to-
gether with all and sundry of the
cocktails and other like potations
aforetime administered. Neverthe-
less, his fightiness still continued
even after they had pumped him a
second time; only that after a certain
space he ceased to repeat the word lie
Tariff, and began to below and croak
like any frog in pond; as if finding
no rest in the ample cavity of his
stomach the fried frogs had jumped
into his head"
So the matter-of-tact anna.ist con-
tinues his tedious story of King K le-
ve-lan's sickness, giving, after the
ancient style of writing, minute ac-
count of the extraordinary pains taken
by the doctors to relieve their royal
patient of that rare nalady, frogs in
the head. 1t is most amusing to find
the staid historian seriously attempt
to illustrate his subject by verbal
imitation of the raucous croaeing Of
frogs; an attempt that might pass as
unique in literature if we did not have
the curious remnant of frog chorus
in one of the comedies of Aristo.
planes. But to proceed: The outcome
of the affair was that after persistent
ly croaking for week or more, King
K'le-ve-lan slowly recovered his spec
ter-scattered wits. Then, putting this
: and that together, and somehow OF
other associating Willy Willy Billy
son, the Bard of Bullfrog- Flat, with
the frogs in his head, and also with
the spectral warning he had received
respecting that grand musical wonder
lie Tariff, the wise monarch shortly
: arrived at the very reasonable conclu-
sion that there was supernatural no
LITIGATION conveyed in these remark
able condolences which should by nc
means be disregarded or neglected.
Without more ado, therefore, he APP
pointed the Bullfrog- Flat representa-
: tive of harmonic art, to the office oil
: chief organist in the Lobbee temple,
placing under his charge exclusively
F the famous organ lie Tariff.
Here Wily-Willy- Billy sons woes
took root and sprouted. This was, in.
deed, the beginning of the end. The
gentle Bard was perfect master Of
the Bullfrog Flat hurdy gurdy; but,
alack and welladay, that instrument
of instruments, lie Tariff, was not a
hurdy -gurdy. No mortal could have
more patiently persevered in the task
King K'leve-lan had assigned him
but, alas, inzqta Nine, "a, his utmost
endeavours to improve the music OF
the temple of Lobbee were in vain. In
fact some did affirm, says the annalist,
that it was under his management Of
the temple choir the once famous lie
Tariff acquired the disreputaEle nick
name of aye Terrible Tooter.
Yet it appears that Wily-Willy-Bil-
Tyson was not by any means the only
one to blame in this matter. For, as
the historian plainly intimates, he
had many secret enemies. His rivals
at court, too, were powerful and active
in their attempts to supplant im;and
it is not improbable that their insidi-
GUS suggestions at length induced him
to believe the story that lie Tariff had
long needed overhauling and repair
ing; that it had always had been tuned
to too high pitch; and that nothing
else would serve than to have it
taken to pieces and remodeled Why
will men experiment to their own I'M
doingl In well-enough there is safety;
more-than-well- enough lies in the
road to ruin The deed was done.
LIE Tariff was torn down. To demol-
ish is proverbially easy; to reconstruct
is often impossible.
1t was sad work they made of it.
/ T II. AZ.