davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13
THE BRITISH REPORTER.
Some of the LudicrouS Mistakes Made
in Reporting Speeches.

LIdicrous misconceptions OF q
speakers words, arising from mper-
feet hearing, frequently occur on the
floor of the house as well as in the re-
porters' gallery. Here is an extract
from a parliamentary report during
the session of 1876:
Sir George Campbell said he had
some experience Of the Glasgow Irish.
Maj. O'Gorman Qndignantly)-Mr.
Speaker, Mr.. Speaker, l rise to order,
sir! | wish to know, sir, whether
the honorable member is justified IN
stigma tizing MY beloved country peo-
pie as ''the blasted Irish
Sir g. Campbell-Mr. Speaker
The Speaker-Order, order! | did
not catch the expression of the honor
able member.
Sir 6. Campbeli-Will you allow me,
Mr.. Speaker
The Speaker-Order, order! But if
the expression was used it is certainly
unparliamentm.y and most improper.
Hear, hear)
Sir G.. Campbell-Mr. Speaker, it is
an entire misconception of my re-
marks ON the part of my honorable
and gallant friend What | said was
"Glasgow Irish," and not BLASTED
Irish Much laughter and cheering9
Swift MacNeill once quoted in the
house the judicial declaration Of the
late Baron Dowse of the Irish bench,
that 1.-The resident magistrates could
no more state a case than they could
write a Greek ode;'' and it was de-
liciously rendered by a reporter as,
1.-The resident magistrates could no
more state a case than they could rice
a Greek goat Baron DOwse must
have immensely enjoyed this render
ing. He stated in the course Of a
Judgment in an action for libel against
newspaper arising out OF an incor-
rect report, That in a speech in he
house of commons he had quoted
Tennyson's line, Better 80 years of
Europe than a cycle of Cathay," and
read next day that he had edited his
audience with the following declara-
ton: Better 30 years of true love
than a circus in Bombay Swift
IacNeill figures in another amusing
case of mishearing in the reporters
gallery. He once complained of haY-
ing been roughly treated by the con
while attending some eve
lions in his constituency in Donegal.
But" said the honora Bile member, Il
took mes sures to put a stop TO this
conduct. Whenever / was hustled or
knocked about by policeman, I sim
DIV chalked him, and by that means
was able TO identify him afterward."
This was rendered: Whenever l was
hustled or knocked about by police
man l simply choked him. '-Macmil-
lan's Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13
FOREIGN.

General Duchesne calls for fresh
troops from Madagas scar.
Spain sent the United States a dis
ayowal for the firing upon the Alliance
The Japanese imperial guards de
feated a large body of rebels in For
moSa.
Morocco has always been 1.-The lanG
Of the Mo0rS."
The crown worn by Queen Victoria
weighs forty ounces.
Professor Cayley, the famous mathe
matician of the University of Cam
bridge. England, who died recently
was the author of 800 mathemat ical
treatiseS.
Deputy Ferare, who recently de
feated the socialist Barbato, has been
shot. probably by anarchists, in the
streets of Rimini, Italy.
General Primo Rivera, captain-gen
wounded by an officer who is Thought
to be insane.
The Britannia defeated the Ailsa and
the Audrey beat the Niagara and sew.
eral other Small-raterS in the regatta
of the Royal Harwich Yacht club.
The Britannia wins again in the
Royal Harwich Yacht club regatta.
The powers are making it warm fol
Turkey, insisting upon her reforma
ton.
A dispatch from St Petersburg states
that no confirmation had been received
there of Japan's evacuation Of The
Liao-Tong peninsula. but that salts
factory settlement of the eastern queS
zion was anticipates
Dispatches from ConStantinOple state
that the porte has given a negative
reply to the demands of the powers fol
Armenian reforms, and that a demon
stration of warships in the BoSphorouS
is imminent
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13
PAINTING DENNIS.

Women who can use the brush cley-
erly are painting the art denims fer
hangings and for mounting dining
room, bed room and piazza screens for
country houses. The designs are large
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

Things are gittin' into bad bunch"
remarked the man from the interior of
Wayback township. THE politicion-
GERS are all tryin' to teech the grangers
how to grange en- the grangers are all
tryin' to pint the politicioneers how to
polish. '-Philadelphi Inquirer.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

Il am told" said the Royal Bengal
Tiger haughtily, that I'm generally
considered the handsomest person in
the ROOM
"Shucksw exclaimed the Performing
Pig. in his Slangy way. Looks cut
no ice Now, if you only had voice
like mine But the ironical COM
ments of the others interrupted the
conversation.-New York Recorder.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

An English curio hunter offered the
town council of Lyons $4,000 for the
carriage in which President earn ot
was riding when stabbed by Caserio.
They refuse TO part with the vehicle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13
JESTS IN JINGLE.

Mrs. Lamplit-I'm looking forward
with a great deal of pleasure to the
beautiful Easter services next Sunday.
Mrs. Daytime-What milliner did
you employ ?-Chicago Record.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

Villainy Unveiled-Younglove- My
dear, the bank cashier informs me
that you have overdrawn your account.
Mrs. YOunglOye-He does? The vii
lain! George, see here, There now:
only five checks used, and my book
nearly full. The miserable, dishonest
ScOundrel.-Harlem Life
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

Gold which is absolutely pure is saiG
to be twenty-four carats fine.
Boiled alligator flesh tastes mucf
like veal, and is much eaten in India.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

the Eastern Star began its annual ses
sion in New York.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

First Tramp-How did you manage
to get such a fine lot of stuff from
the woman at that last house?
Second Tramp-Asked her for work
the first thing | said. She tainted with
surprise, and | dragged the whole col
lection here before she came to again.
-SOmerville Journal.
Texan Cat the grocery store)-What
do you call them things?
Grocer-ThOse are olives.
Are they good to eat?
Certainly. Try one of them.
(BiteS into one)-Jest jas | expected.
Got a wooden core. Come from Con
necticut, don't they?-Chicag go Tribune.
Daily Sneers Reporter is the
highest aim of your life, Miss Twinkle
toes?
Tottie Twinkletoes-My highest aim
thus far has been the chandelier
Louisville Truth.
Authorized, professor, how do you
ike my new play
Critic-Splendid. Wonderful, SO real
istic. Especially the burglars in it.
Even their dialogue is stolen.-Musical
Record.
The old one-I would have you to
know, sir, that / am a Self-made man.
The young one-Yes? Well, you look
to be just the sort of a man you
would be guilty of making.-Smith,
Gray & Co.'S Monthly.
Wife-(to unhappy husbanO 81
wouldn't worry, John; it doesn't nc
ally good to borrow trouble
ACKNOWLEDGMENT trouble! Great
Caesar, my dear, l amt borrowing
trouble; I've got it to lend. Colorado
Sun.
Boy Ito grOcer)-Gimme a pound o
coffee! Grocer proceeds to weigh out
coffee.) No, L mean tea.'
GrOcer-Look here, Mr.. Crazy on
Skates, which do you want, tea OF
coffee?
BOy-Butter.
He with superiority)-I wOuldn t
marry the best woman living.
She with contidence)-It you did nit
would be a very nl-assorted match
Detroit Free Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

A Spanish paper in the Pyrenees
regularly suspends publication in hot
weather.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13
NONSENSICAL JINGLES.

His morals, perhaps, may have Deer
very good,
He'd likely not murder or steal;
But
He wore a silk hat and a Robert
tailed coat,
And he rode on a bicycle wheel.
Detroit Free Press.
Pat Murphy's goat is happy now
That spring hath come to pass;
Because he's changed his diet from
Old boots, baseballs, broken glass
ware, crockery, tin cans, old
broomS and Stoyepipes
To grass.
Boston Courier.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1895-06-13

He with superiority)-I wouldn't
marry the best woman living.
She with confdence)-It you did lit
would be very ill-assorted match
Detroit Free Press.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

Major c. T. Picton is manager Of the
State Hotel, at Denison, Texas, which
the travelling men say is one of the best
hotels in that section. In speaking Of
Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera and
Diarrhoea Remedy Major Picton says: II
have used it myself and in my family for
several years. and take pleasure in saying
that consider 1t an infallible cure for
diarrhoea and dysentery. always rec
ommend it, and have frequently admin
istered it to my guests in the hotel, and
in every case it has proven itself worthy
Of unqualified endorsement. For sale by
w. f. Pine.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

Ed. Madison was in town last week,
and it has been mooted about that he was
in secret meeting with few of the
would -like-to be fixers. relative to the
Senatorial situation. If Finney county
Republicans are not competent to manage
their own affairs without the assistance
of importing foreign labor (Madison and
SuttOn) they might call on q few of the
successful democratic managers of Fin
ney county.-Garden City Sentinel.
tits suggested that the above was
doubtless inspired by the present Sen
atorial incumbent, who can make
longer prayers and take bigger drinks
than any other politician in Garden
City. The parties referred to-Sut-
ton and Madison-are good fixers
and they know it; but they are not
foolsenough to attempt to fix the Re
publicans of Finney county against
that gentleman, knowing that he has
fixed his wife and her pc ople with ia,
Offices during his present term; and
that his second term can be devoted
to obtaining good places for his polit'
ical friends who all have an eye to the
main chance
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

Foster says warm wave will cross the
rockies about January ID. A cold wave
on the 9Th.
This disturbance will not cause general
precipitation but will inauguratee long
period of heavy SHOWS and rains which
will average heaviest for January east OF
the Rockies and south of Denver, St
Louis, Cincinnati and Washington, ex-
tending to the Northern states the last Of
the month and in February.
By the close February the whole Unit
ed States will be in good condition as tc
rainfall but March will inaugural n dry
period for large portions of the country
April aud May will cause serious drouths
in places, to such an extent at least As td
make it advisable not to put in certain
crops. for the drouth will surely make
them Improbable.
Other localities will have too much
rain. The crop season Of 1896 had q
general deficiency Of rain but 1t will moi
be that way in 1896. Large sections will
have too much, other large sections Z
deficiency, 90 that for the whole country
about an average rainfall may be ex.
Decfod.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

Galusha Grow goes for Grover. ''Ihe
present administration, said Mr..
Grow, "seems to have begun where
Buchanan's administration left off,"
The total deficiency since June 30, 1894,
was $121 ,OOO, 900. From 1880 toll 1913 the
revenues exceeded expenditures by $3.50,
100000 He warned the president,
''when he had leisure to attend to public
affairs" not to disregard the new COM
mand of the people as found in the
elections. An emphatic statement by
Mr.. Grow that the greenbacks would
not be retired was received with ap-
plause.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

When most needed it is not unusual
for your family physician to be away
from home. Such was the experience of
Mr.. j. Y. Schenck, editor of the Caddo,
Ind. Ter, Banner. when his little girl,
two years of age was threatened with q
severe attack of Group. He says: my
wife insisted that 20 for the doctor, but
as our family physician was out of town
purchased bottle of Cbamberlain's
Cough Remedy, which relieved her i'm
mediately. will not be without it in
the future" Is and so cent bottles for
sale by w. F. Pine.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

The first suit as result of the late
decision of the Kansas supreme court
on the mortgage redemption law of
1898, was commenced today in Atch
ison. Eighteen months ago the home
of T. J. Rigg was sold under fore
closure proceedings and bid in by the
holder of the mortgage at $50, al
though he had loaned $500 90 on the
property. Rigg viii 60 into court,
tender the $50 together with costs and
interest, and ask for the possession Of
the property.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

Rev. d. Ii. Brechbill sent to Oklahoma
by the River Brethren with supplies for
the needy. returned to Abilene and re-
ports the suffering very severe. He
brought back with him Bohemian girl,
whom he will take into his own family.
He Gays many settlers are In urgent need
Of food and the supplies he distributed
we're eagerly sought for. More assistance
vin be cent.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

The wife of Mr.. D. Robinson, promi-
nent lumbelman of Hartwick, NY, was
sick with rheumatism for five months. In
speaking of 1t, Mr.. Robinson says:
'sChamberlain's Pain Balm is the only
thing that gave her any rest from pain.
For the relief of pain it cannot be beat"
Many very bad GASES of rheumatism
have been cured by it. For sale at 50
cents per bottle BY w. F. Pine.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26
Rosetta cigar, a celebrated cigar, at w
F. PINES drug store. I'm.

Editors are seldom poets, but when
you do find a poetical editor. he is a
daisy. The editor of the Central
Wisconsion drops into poetry as follows
Backward, turn backward, o time in
your flight; give back McKinley's laws
just for tonight; supplies, come back
from the Past's fading shore-Uncle
Sans run behind fifteen millions or
more. Give us the good times of fair
'ninty-two-wages way up, and plenty
to do; gold reserve safe, no bond issued
to sell; cash in the treasury, and free
trade in-England.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

A new cattle company was granted a
charter at Topeka this week. The main
Office of the company will be in Kansas
City with branch Offices over in the state
where business interest may suggest.
The capital stock is placed 81 ESQ, 900.
The business of the company will be the
buying and selling Of all kinds of live
stock, and the purchasing of land for
grazing purposes.-Meade Globe.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

The Republicans of the House are
preparing bill to provide for an in
crease of the revenues of the govern
ment. Wool and lumber will come
in for the largest share of increase on
the proposed temporary increase of
tariff duties for the relief of the EN-
barrassment Of government revenues.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

In 1892 Mr.. A. L. Goldwater, who
owns three retail drug stores in New
York City, having learned of the great
value of Chamberlain's Cough Remedy
for colds, Group and whooping cough,
ordered supply for his customers. 1t
met with SO much favor that he soon
found it necessary to order more, and
during the winter sold over two gross of
the remedy. He says it gives the best
satisfaction of any cough cure he has
ever handled. For sale at 25 and so
cents per bottle by w. F. Pine.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

A LONG TINE, iOw-rats, small-denOmi-
nation coin bond is suggested on the
plea that it will be eagerly snapped up
by the patriotic people who are anxious
to aid the government. Persons who
have some money to spare who regard
the bonds as good investment, may
take some of them.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26
First Published December 96th, 1895.
ORDER OF SALE.

State of Kansas. Ford County, as.
A. Cstlin Sponord, plaintiff, vs.. r. NJ.
Wright. Alice J. Wright. The State Of Kansas,
York-Key Mercantile Company. The Consoli-
dated Tank Line Company. Henry G. Fore
man. w. E. Young, e. A. Barber. Elisha S.
Converse, The First National Bank of Dodge
City, Kansas. Caroline T. Wyckoff. The Man
ufacturers' National Bank of LeavenwOrth,
Kas, Dodge Township in Ford County. Kan
sas, and Z. W. Evans. administrator estate
of Micah Lake, deceased, defendants.
By virtue of an order of sale to me directed
and delivered, issued out Of the 9th Judicial
District Court of the State of Kansas. sitting
In and for Ford county. In said State. vii,
ON Friday. January 3ist. 1885,. at two O'Clock
D. M OF said day, at the west front door OF
Che court house, in the city of Dodge City, in
in the county and state aforesaid. offer at
public sale and sell TO the highest bidder for
cash in hand the following described real
property. Wit: Southwest quarter Of sec
ton seventeen CD. township twenty six go
9Th p. n, in Ford County, Kansas.
Said property 70 be sold Ne commanded by
- G. n. BEEsON, Sheriff.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

Every man who loves his country, OF
wishes well to the best interests of
society, will show himself a decided
friend not only of morality and the laws,
but of religious institutions. and honor
ably bear his part in supporting them.
j. Halves.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26
THE NATIONAL SITUATION.

Following the Presidents message
on the Venezuelan question: sub
sanitation of the Monroe doctrine
comes furry in stocks and decline
in the markets. Such things are the
results of "war talk. England is
charged with the purpose of injuring
American credit by the forced liquid
alton of American securities, move
to offset American patriotism. But
England does not now hold much of
American credit. In this move is an
attempt to draw the gold out of the
United States treasury and cripple
the already depicting finances. Con
sentative minds see nothing detrimens
tai to the governments financial in
terests in these bearish tendencies in
the stock markets.
On the other hand, there ere in
situations that the President has
made this outburst of patriotism as a
possible excuse and to open the way
for an issue Of bonds to replenish the
gold reserve, necessity that seems
unavoidable. The diminishing gold
reserve continues owing to lack of
revenues.
Whatever differences of opinion
may exist among Americans on the
policy of government finances, they
will remain unit on the question of
patriotism and American honor. No
sordid policy will contract these prin
ciples. The pounding of the stock
board" will not intimidats patriotic
Americans, and England cannot hum
BILE Americans, no matter what blow
the British may give to this country's
credit.
The English charge the President
with political intentions in the stand
he has taken, but this is hardly to be
believed. His course heretofore on
public questions has not been taken
with view of gratifying public
opinion or satisfying popular clamor.
Nothing serious is looked for on
the differences between England and
the United States. The problem that
offers The most difficult solution now
is the replenishing of this country's
finances under Democratic policy
that threatens to bankrupt the nation.
The diminishing revenues are jeopar-
dizing the finances. Democratic ex-
periments may need Republican ex-
pediency; but it looks like the Demo
Gratis must work out their own saliva
ton The Republicans will sustain
the honor of the country, but the
President and his party must abide
alone by the policy they have inaugu
rated.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

The subscription price of the GLOBE
REPUBLICAN, is only one dollar a year.
1t is not much to pay, and if you expect
to 60 to Heaven you must not delay pay
ing the printer.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26
BCCKLEN'S ARNICA SALVE.
The BEST SALvE in the world for Cuts,

Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fe-
verSores, letter, Chapped Hands, Chill
blains, COrns, and all Skin EruptiOns,
and positively cures Piles, or no pay re-
quired. 1t is guaranteed to give perfec,
satisfaction or money refunded. Price
% cts per box. For sale by w. F. Pine.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

The Santa Fe has reduced the rates
on Colorado coal in compliance with
the order of the interstate commits
sion, the first road to obey the law.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1895-12-26

People must not mistake the effects Of
an iudigestible Christmas dinner as an
indication of religious emotion. Piety
is the highest degree Of religious sinceri-
tv, but not Christmas pie-ty.