The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1895-03-16
HUTOR OF THE DAY.
Ruled of-Iedgers.

Ruled oh-Iedgers.
A tweed garment-A sac coat.
sect off the earth, " the cyclone SAID
to the barn.
A nervous affection-A man on the
eve of proposal.
The crawish is not very good to
cat, but it will do at a pinch. Truth.
One characteristic of good old Elijah
was his raven-ousappetite. cleveland
Plain Desler.
London's constant fog may be
caused by the continuous reign
Dallas News.
The fine wheat will insure the farmer
and the English sparrow full crops
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
People who are always schemins
generally pay about double for what
they get.-Milwaukee Journal.
When man is dressed in a little
brief authority, he makes it more con-
spicuous than a red neck-tie. Puck.
So far no one has ever made the
blunder of painting Cupid to look as
if he had any sense.-Atchison Globe.
"Why does Snagsby keep his hair
cut so short2" 'tBecause he's getting
bald, and he won't have it long. -
Philadelphia Record.
'He says he owes you a licking,
does he? Well, you'll never get it. D
GLOW do you know?" '1'm his
tailor. Chicago Tribune.
"He's g. very modest young man,
isn't he?" 'Modest as e burglar: he
doesn't even want the credit of his
own work. ."-Philadelphia Record.
An enterprising hosier has an
nounced new button, which he calls
The Old Maids Wedding. Why? Be-
cause it never comes off.-Tit-Bits.
The coalman's season may be the
winter, the summer the iceman's harv-
est, so that it's possible the milkman
finds his greatest profit in the spring.
Shall I from her sweet spell depart,
Or take her for better or worse?
The choice is-will she break my heart,
Or shall she break my purse?
Puck.
Demonstration in Natural Science
"Gentlemen, ] hold in my hand three
Shells Voice (from amphitheatre)-
'It isn't-under any Of them. detroit
Free Press.
Watts-sI wonder how this world
will get along when you and I have
left it?" Potts-''You'd better be
wondering how well get along?"-In-
dianapo1is Journal.
,Pipkin-'sDoe your wife know
=snEthinr ahnnt cnnlzinn2o Potts-.e1tI
ofyour cheap restaurants. ..s-haSe
Fields Washington.
"Hello, Bingiey, how did the doctor
succeed in breaking up your fever!
ooh, easy enough; he presented his
bill, and l had chill in fifteen min
utes. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
"Can get this note shaved?' he
timidly asked the money-lender.
"Gracious!'' calculated the broker, as
he glanced ut the date, "it's old enough
to need it!"-Atlanta Constitution.
Unless old words can be exchanged
for the new ones that are being rapidly
coined, English dictionaries WILSON
have to be taken to cotton compress
to be rendered portable. News.
Applicant for Work-ttBut the oc,
cupation seems to be dangerous one
eyes; but then in case you
are killed the company would send
flowers to your funeral "-Bostol
Transcript.
Richard-"When my wife agreed to
share her lot with me l didn't kno"
there was a mortgage on it." Harry
"a mortgage?" Richard -"Hel
mother. I found, went with the lot.
Boston Transcript.
A fellow in Smithville who couldn't
spare 81 year for newspaper SEM
fifty two-cent stamps to q down-eas'
Yankee to know how to raise beets'
He got an answer, stTake hold OF the
tops and pull for all you are worth. -
Oswego Times.
Oh. the gold is rolling in
From beyond the briny SECS.
Millions rolling in each day,
Bringing US financial ease
Millions more are on the way.
Rolling onward to this goal.
And as we are none too flush,
Why, We'll just let her roll!
kansas City Journal.