The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1895-01-02
SOME Of THOSE WHO SW0RE OFF
They Will Fool the Racordi ne
Angel Yet.
Except the Man Who Won't Work
Any More.
But the Pieces of the Broken Vows OF
the Others VIII Have to be Swept
Into the Dust Bin.

Yesterday was the great swearing off
day of the American nation. The re-
cording angel was kept very busy regis
tering promises, most OF which will not
be kept long. and he could never have
attended to the tremendous rush OF no.
tarlsl business that was on hand if he
had not the foresight to appoint a dep.
uty recording angel for every township
in the union.
The recording angel and his force OF
deputies will realize in q by-and-by
which is not 80 distant that most of the
solemn jurats of the fellows with good
intentions did not amount to very much,
and that the earnest promises of yester-
day were made OF material somewhat
similar 10 pie-crust, whose destiny ia to
be broken when you eat the pie. Then
the recording angel and his staff will
kick their tilmy anatomies because they
had allowed themselves to be guyed by
tricky mankind during nearly 5000 years
without ever having completely tum bled
to the racket, and they will have no fur
ther faith in mans promises until the
LIST OF January, 1896, comes trotting
round.
Yes. the swearing~off business yester-
day was great and the rustling of new
leaves that were being turned caused
many gentle zephyrs which added to
the beauty OF day such as only South
ern California people can ever hope to
see and enjoy on New Years day.
There were the men who are never
going to take another drink-thess were
al
the gentle maidens who are never
actually never, going to chew gum
again. Those are the two classes which
are sure to backslide by the first OF
April, and if the recording angel then
knocks at the door of their conscience,
all they will have to answer will be the
brszen cry oi April fool ?''
But if the majority of promises made
were for total abstention from 'cursid
rhum." ns the teetotallers call such
liquors which the topper refers to by the
generic name of tangleioot, and against
the use OF chewing gum, cigarettes and
chewing obacco, there were other swear
offs that are not quite so commonplace.
In the first place, HERALD reporter
met one young man who has astonished
his friends during the last six or seven
months by primarily appearing with a
full beard and moust che; next he
shaved his skin and wore DundreaIys;
after that he cut the Dundrearvs until
they were reduced to Burnsides then
off came the moustache. and finally the
Burnsidss were chopped off also, eav.
ing our friend looking very much like
Bhuddist bonze with pimples. After
his hirsute crop was all gone, he forth
with started in to raise a new one, but
Yesterday morning, to the great Joy of
bis barber, he registered vow in the
tonsorial parlor to get shaved three
times week hereafter. of came the
infantie moustache, which looked like
a ragged tooth brush, and the young
man once more appears like a happy,
pmply-faced bonzs. He told the re.
porter something strictly confidential
about Maud not being able to stand euch
rough, prickly moustache, but it did
not come out in the course of the mar
ratiYe in what way Maud had found out
that it was in that condition. Oh by |
the way, Maud is the young lady en-
gagged to the young bonzs.
Then there is the Also street Sheep
man who is going to marry the Ameri. |
can girl. He has made up mis- mind
that, until he gets married at least, or |
ing to eat any more garlic. His fancee
told him there was something about
garlic that was not shared by other eat
abes. He asked her what 1t was, and
she answered "Well, now. for instance.
you cannot eat your cake and have it,
but you can eat your garlic, have it your
self, and every body in the house will
have it, too Sabe?"
The old Mexican lady who appears in
the police court regularly every two |
weeks, either as complaining witness or
defendant for disturbance of the peace.
because she cannot overcome the loss of
little yellow dog which was killed by
her neighbors two years ago, has SOL
EMMY promised that henceforth she
gives up the verbal fray. She has new
yellow doggy now. And the fret time
her neigh boris bad boy gives it kick
the recording angel will have to sweep
the pieces of q broken vow into his Off
cial duet bin with his broom of Office.
Herr von Freaser sbjured limberger
for one year. This is not due to the
fact that this refined article OF nutri-
mept has lost the charms it had hereto
fore for Won Freeser, but, as be ex-
planned it laat night, q fool doctor had
just cured him of case OF ceronic
coryza, and now that he could smils
again he wished to DO 'oxcused." Until
he catches le grippe. Won Fresssr will
keep his word. After that, look leedle
ouwit, Mr.. Recording Angel.
The girl who whistled the latest