Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-01-10
An HONEST Ri RGLAR

am mistaken. but | certainly have
raised it to a much higher level than
it was when l first selected that
means of Il livelihood.
My motto, Honesty Is the Best
Policy-SCe?' is neatly engraved on
all my professional tools, and my ii
tie of The Honest Burglar" will go
on my tombstone i'll due time and
when my strictly honorable exploits
can be safely mentioned with pride
by my relatives and friends.
| always make point of seeking a
f0eman worthy of my steal Never
do ! enter house, no matter what
Inducements its contents may offer,
which has not the very latest scion
tifc burglar projections. Ordinary
locks and bolts positively refuse to
attack, and carolossly left open doors
and windows ! diSdain to mako use
of. ! leave those tidhtS for dishOn-
est burglars who take not the profess
sionul pride that ] find so high toned
and profitable and 80 encouraging to
ones self respect.
Now that l have properly intro
duccd my honest self Ill tell a story.
A wealthy chap who had made his
millions i'll way despise had erect
ed a grand mansion with all the
finest electrical burglar alarms
known to date. Every door and win
dow was doubly protected. so the
slightest touch after the wires were
set would janglc numberleSs bells
and turn on the lighted gas all over
the house In n brilliant illumination.
In addition to all that melodious dis
play there were telltale steps on each
staircase and tempting bits of silver
ware connected with wires to the
main battery left i'll plain sight by
the safe in the dining room.
All these imposing preparations, so
expensive and troublesome for their
owner, gave to me Il glorious delight,
and | looked forward TO attacking
them with all a small boys Fourth of
July enthusiasm.
AT last the battle night came, and
with it MIR. William Mummer. my
active partner i'll the business.
Mr. hummer was highly respected
in the profession. Like myself, he
never stopped to conquer and was
equally noted for his gentlemanly
ways ansl sturdy honesty.
Only once in his busy life was he
ever taken i'll and done for, and
couldn't blame him n bit either.
You SEE. he WAS making a profes-
sional call on n rich bachelor, and
while putting things away in the
handsome room he was painfully sur
prlscd by the sudden arrival of his
host with some gentlemen friends.
Not willing to seem intrusive, Mr..
Mummer quietly slipped under the
bed To await an opportunity for de-
parting pleasantly.
From his snug retreat Mr.. Mum
mer beheld six well polished boots
spread themselves comfortably on
the Turkish rug, evidently in shape
to stay awhile, despite Williams anx-
iety to catch the train for home.
Soon the jolly gentlemen lighted
cigars and commenced telling funny
stories. ending each one with q cho-
rus of hearty laughter.
William. who understood the prop
er etiquette of not mixing i'll where
he wasn't wanted, kept becoming
silence until Il funnier story than
usual was told, and then, after an
agoniZing struggle to choke down
his unfortunate mirth, he exploded
with Il tremendous "Haw. haw,
haw!' which frightened the gentle
men shamefully.
1t Is needless TO say that Mr.. Mum
mer had ample time afterward to
enjoy the joke while taking a little
vacation from business i'll the state
laundry.
But he soon recovered my respect
for his sterling qualities by trick
he played when cOrncrcd in n fash
ionable boarding house one night.
While the lmdlady was ringing
the big bell and the alarmed board
ers were searching for him with
guns Mr.. hummer entered desert
ed room and promptly went to bed
VIII Us boots ON. There with the
blankets tightly tucked under his
handsome chin, he lay yelling as
loud AZ the loudtSt and grandly or
dering the bold warriors with guns
from his room when they rushed in
to sec if he was beng murdered.
Twas lucky his bed belonged to a
terror stricken maiden lady who had
sought refuge elsewhere. Otherwise
Mr.. hummer might not have been
80 smart, after all. But he got on:
of his scrape at daylight and took his
swag, too, and consequently his fame
was undininished by that episode.
Now that l have introduced Mr..
William hummer, Esq, l will go on
with my story.
Twas Il black midnight in dreary
November. The Sky was clouded and
a lively wind was banging shutters
and moaning through the swaying
branches as Bill and quietly stole
along the dismally dark and deserted
country road.
With valiscs containing articles
used in our trade. and smoking pipes
with shoppers on to hide their glow,
we silently made good time over the
wet and soggy ground till old Fort
as we dubbed the object
of our attack, doomed up before us.
We knew the place we'll for both
Bill and myself had managed to Sc
cure work there when the house was
being remodeled. Through a side
hedge and across the large lawn from
tree to tree we cautiously advanced,
pausing frequently to observe and