Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-07-28
How the Unwclcomc Callers Were
disposed of-Rule Tint Strikes
Ioye-NIakcrs-PHIlet Make Candy
ALLEGHANY SPRINGS. VA.
I1iv %. 1895.


Dear Edltor.-This IS a place for good
clothes. Even the potatoes are served
N Jackets. while dressed fowl is COM
mon dish for dinner. Nay more the resi-
dent physician actually administers su-
gar-coated pills. II necessary. IL Is as
much as / can do TO make the people
think I'm wealthy. The fashion of the
Springs requires that l should reverse
my cuffs every half hour, and my silver
hacked hair-brush is kept constantly in
motion. We are all vieing with each
other In personal beauty, and. 20 far,
have the prlzc-for being the ugl.cst
man or the premises. The way the la
dies dress IS enough 10 scare any man off
from matrimouy. l have seen them
change their clothes six times IN one day
no. / don't mean that--l mean i have
seen them after they have changed their
clothes six times In one day. Some Of
them have sleeves which are as much in
natcd as a fellow after a girl has en-
,.accd herself 10 him. while others come
out in canvas suits that remind me or
steam-yachts. on their fingers they wear
diamonds by the quarts mot quartz, for
they are genuine. and from their she'll
Ike ears bangle Jewels that would bring
10Y 10 the heart Of pawnbrokcr. All
about them they have pins, fancy badges,
and nick-nacks on their person until they
bristle like Important speared with Afri
can natives. II is gorgeous spec
tacle. but tho temptation is awfully
great Sometimes l almost fear ! shall
get into trouble. When these corruscat-
ing scintllating. iridescent. efulgent
beings come into my presence / sigh
and feel that / missed my calling in life
when | selected Journalism instead OF tho
tewelr, business Verify. the mineral
display is the finest 1 have ever seen. /
have always heard of the unbounded
mineral resources Of the great Southwest,
but ! didn't expect to find it as II is.
nm Nye. in his recent letter about his
Visit 70 the Dismal Swamp, said that the
heat was Ike a Gospel camp-meeting-in-
tents-and ! am further Informed that
hons have resumed the production of
hari-bolled eggs in Richmond, but it is
not so here. To our infinite Joy we have
never found an evening when we could
not with impunity and without detection
su.ring our winter clothes upon the as
scirllcd company In the morning, how
ever. frecklcs can bc procured without
difficulty, and some Of our faces look like
fiy-papcr. ! used lemon-juice and milk
AZ night. once the lemon soured on the
milk, and the next day people thought /
had been boiled. Now l only associate
with the creme de Ia creme. At night we
sleep under a crust of blankets, partly
because we have no desire ~ get rheu-
matte, aud partly 10 exclude the bugs.
which pay US nocturnal visits Two came
in my room the other evening just as /
had begun % dream OF the watermelon
eaason in Richmond The first. TO my
drowsy vision. looked about the size Of
terrapin. and hummed like a buzz-saw.
arose, filed with vague terror that he
would accidentally drop into the N-neck
of my robe De mutt. and proceeded to do
battle with my walking stick. l parted
and thrust at the winged intruder Ike a
fencing master, and It was only after the
most urgent persuasiOns on my part that
induced the varmnt to make an evening
Of &c with me in my trunk. Just about
this time. when l was congratulating my
self on my ingenuity. the bugs wife, real
izing that he was out too late to be up to
any good. came on a searching expedition
for her consOrt, and / was called upon
to entertain her. She was n hummer
even more so than her spouse Several
times she half way decided TO throw her
sa!f on my V-neck but at last when
the ghost dance had about exhausted it
self she sat down in a corner for mo-
ment and / placed one Of my little shoes
upon her Then proudly murmuring.
"Sic Semper Tyrannis" / resumed my
visions Of the watermelon season in Rich
mond. Next morning when I got up that
bug had actually moved from under the
shoe This is hard for anybody 10 be-
lieve-especlally anybody who has seen
my shoes--but IL is so. Wisely hath the
poet said: Truth is stronger than fric-
ton"
With my feet elevated on the ratings 81
the shady porches Of this delightful place
II IS my constant and unceasing joy to
sit and watch the guests and 10 note
the peculiarities Of the many different
types we see. Leading such a gay. Wor-
cestershre-S sauce life as we DO. 1t IS but
natural that we should put our best foot
foromost-that is. providing one Of our
feet IS better than the other-and some
times methinks there is just little fraud
IN some Of our tricks. We necessarily
do oil we can 10 make people think we
move in sood society at home, and when
a, sert Is served we try 10 cause folks
90 believe that we have II at every meal In
Richmond Our remarks on the ice cream
ar- calculated TO convince one that we
use e IN our domicilos as though ii were
rl1 and our comments on the butter
would convince the unsophisucated that
We never touch the article unless II costs
g cents q pound Everybody up here eats
with knife and fork. and II IS not con-
Fiered good form 10 swear when the
walter takes his time 70 get your order.
When be taxes your appetite too much In
this respect. you should try and be blase.
no matter how much the cuss-words may
wregie 20 make their exit from your
fang3 Captain ColhOun, our kind-hearted
host. whose resort has done so much 10
get girls husbands. hasn't got much con-
ndcnce in US. ON the bill-offarc he says
that guests will be charged extra for
what they take away from the table" l
want 10 get the Virginia judiciary 10 con-
strue that remark. II he means that we
must desLst from secreting the crockery
upon our persons. or from inserting the
spoons into our vest-poCkets. l fear. Ed-
tor dear, that / cannot bring you the
little souvenirs l promised. H. however,
he means that we are TO eat our meals
and yet take nothing away from the
tables. am at loss just how TO follow
his mandates. Hitherto, when / have
eaten at tables II has been my custom
10 take away therofrom most consdera-
Die quantity. We ought not 10 be ex-
pertod 10 subsist on air. II needs be. |
suppose III have TO pay extra. It's too
Late In life for me to commence the trick
OF eating and yet taking nothing away
with me- The counting couples up here
may FIJI the bill. but little Willie cannot.
II never was my custom 20 tell tales
out Of school. but we folks UP here sure
ly have got q wicked way Of gOssiping.