The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-10-19

package, in the hands or anrighted
Janitors. to the navy department. and
as much longer for one OF our dipl0.
matte experts to pen highly hysterical
letter asking the naval big-bugs to see
what the thing amounted to. In less than
half an hour the box was lying on the
grass OF the navy yard plaisance sur
rounded at a respectful distance by the
scientific wiseacres of the corps and still
turning upward to the fearless sun Its
weird and terrifying Inscription.
What shall we do with it?' This
was the dilemma confronting the rep
| resentatives of our great and glorious
government. 1t was very trumpery
little package 80 far As concerned ats
size. but 1t was Unreasonable In It's
mystery and suggestiveness. Those I'll.
| rections about the opening thereof
| read very much like the programme OF
holocaust or the prophecy OF an erup-
tion. The adjacent officials felt that
they were gazing upon the unknown
and the immeasurable. But Of course
something had to be done. and present.
ly q gigantic idea occurred to one OF the
ordnance officers. With furrOwed brow
and solemn rNien he ordered out sec
tior of double riveted boiler iron. with
this he inclosed the oblonE box. Then
hole was cut In the side OF the iron,
and soon a long metallic handle was
spliced to a saw. Next an elderly and
not particularly valuable minion was
summoned fom the shops and told to
take this saw and. standing outside the
| cassmate and inserting the instrument
| through the pcrthole, to saw off the end
OF the box and go expose the deadly
contents to scientific observation. The
| person sawed away. under some diff
culties, OF course, while his superlors.
with fingers IN their ears, watched him
eagerly. Suddenly he struck what
seemed wire. and then. accompanied
by whole party, he fled n mile or so
and waited, palpltating. for the cata-
clysm.
| Waited A9ain for The FIX DiosiOn.
| Nothing followed. Then they VEN
| tured back and gazed. There was tho
wire. but the box was voiceless and
/ inert. After some feverish consulta-
/ tion, they fastened another wire. n
/ long one, II the wire In the box. and.
r1srea,ing to the distance of a hundred
yards. they gave that wire great.
big Macedonian Jerk. There was no
eiupt'on. The heavens We're not rent
wl;h cismor nor the earth torn up
with violence. The boiler iron stood
upright and the oblong box within lay
still like a cobra coiled for the fatal
! spring.
They put ehelr heads together in
1 a SYMPOSIUM OF terror and confusion,
wondering what they should do next
with the British minister's express
! package, and. about that time, a sml-
Ing turnkey appeared upon the scene
/ bearing a very polite and somewhat
urgent note In which the minister. the
| Hon, Lionel ,Sickville-Wess begged that
| the box might be returned to him i'm
| mediately. This dreadful thing. az 1t
| aiterward appeared. was nothing more
nor less than the working model of a
machine. designed by some ingenious
| Cockney resident in the West Indies,
| for the cheaper and more expeditions
, extraction OF the iuices of plncappes
! ard so forth. Mr.. West had an interest
| In the Industry, and the machine had
| been sent 10 him for his inspection and
| approval. The box was afterward
rudely opened with a hatchet and the
| apparatus used In the West nepage for
| the effectual squeezing of lemons and
| the like. But the Incident was tre-
mendous while IL lasted. and for at least
six hours the British minister and the
| state department and the ugh-u-muck-
a-mucks of our great American navy
| felt as II they stood upon the brink of
! the bottonEless abyss. They felt as
| though the secret council OF the Fee
nian brotherhood. grand. epic, homi-
c!dal. stood with uplifted dagger q,
) their very thrOats