Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-04-30
A GREELEY STORY.
How Two Chicken Cocks Wrote an
Editorial for Him.

Hayden Carruth tells n good story In
Harpers Monthly for April apropos Of the
VIGOROUSLY bad handwriting OF Horace
Greeley and the trouble ii gave the COM
positors OF the Tribune. One Of these
composltors. named Larkway, character
In the composing-room as Greeley was in
the editorial s.anctum. was noted for
being able to make something out Of any
thing Mr.. Greeley wrote on one occa-
sion two live young ROSTERS Of new
strain were sent to the editor rs present,
out he complained that they ate up
all hts paste. and he gave them TO the
foreman Of the composing room to get RID
OF them. What followed Mr. Carruth
tells US:
OF weeks the boy one day left the ink
roller of the proof-prass on the floor One
Of the ROSTERS walked over it, and then
across a piece Of white paper The fore
man saw him, and great light burst in
upon his mind. which nearly stunn d him:
He slapped his leg with his hand hard
enough TO break IT, and shut his Jaws
together like a wise to keep from break
ing out into a volcano of laughter. He
walked to his desk as If in a trance, keep
ing his eye on Larkway. Before he went
home he. spoke to the proof-resder and
one or two others, and they fractured
their legs with their hands. and then
they all went OFF 70 the hospital for the
night.
L
The office two hours before the usual
time. The foreman caught one rooster
and the proofreader the other, and they
took them oysr in The corner pSG behind raydu tne
sent the devil down to Mr.. Greeley's
room 20 get dozen sheets or the paper
ne always wrote on. These they spread
on the floor in the form OF square. care
fully linked the feet OF the fowls. and set
them TO fighting on the copy-paper They
had just had meal of cockroaches. and
they went at each other savagely. Every
two or three minut = the men would take
them off ink the bottoms of their feet,
and toss them into the ring again. At
the end OF the twenty minutes every sheet
OF the paper was covered with their
tracks. and the foreman gathered up the
pages, numbered them. and scraWied n
had on the first one. The Plain Duty or
Congress- in the imitation of Grseley's
nani marked the whole 'BreVler-Double
Head and hung 1t on the copy-hook.
Pretty soon the men began to drop IN,
| but they had all heard the game was up,
and picked around the article AT
awhile Larkway came numbering along.
He had just made "A new pipe out OF the
biggest corn ever raised in Cayuga county.
and a particularly-croOkedp pigs tail from
Brattleboro', VI. and seem d unusually
pert He started the conhagraton in mis-
pipe. put on his spectacles. and walked
to the hook.
"IIeyi You fellers still soldering. aln't
you?" he cried. Still afraid OF the old
mans stuff, hey? Can't rastle with il.
can you? Well, that is all right. ! like
II. You do me favor when you leave
IL To me-
He took it. walked over and slammed
it down on his upper case, planted
handful of leads on the bottom or II ana
picked up his stick. Every man in the
room held his sides and watched to see
the old man fiabbergasted. but by the
Goodness of Truth he began to set it.
yes, Larkway started to set IL. AT
the end of the second line lie began TO
look little troubled, laid down his stick.
and we thought our moment Of victory
knocked the ashes out OF mis- pipe. re-
filled il, IN IL with one Of The husks from
the outside picked up his stick and went
on You could have packed every one Of
us In hat-box. The old caye-iweller
worked on and never looked again until
page Here he stuck on the place whore
the rooster had slapped down the eni or
his wing. also inky. Larky studied ever
it for long time, then he said 10 the
foreman:
"Darn il the best OF us dom: get hung
up on a word once in a while. What's
that down thereY
"'Don't ask me- said the foreman. You
know that can't read the stun. Go
down and ask the old man himself
"Larkaway shu1led out with a. long
face, carrying his pipe in one hand. and
the copy I'm the other. lie went into the
chiefs room and said in a low tone:
Mr.. Greeley. I'm stuck. What Is that
word?
Greeley snatched the sheet from his
hand impatently. studied for a moment
and then squeaked in his highest voice:
Unconstitutional, sir. Great Jehosha-
phat. ii seems to me sometimes as II this
Office was full OF peslSy college graduates,
and after I have given the janitor strict
orders not to allow one OF them In this
building"