Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1895-09-07
VERACITY AS A FINE ART
The Kind of Truth Men Nav Tell When
Competing With Other Men.
Series of Stories Calculated to Show
the Extent of Imagination
of the Tellers.

The Star writer had sat down in the
midst of a group Of conversationalist5
gathered in front of hotel. where there
were accommodations for those to sit who
love to indulge in an hour or SO of after
dinner talk.
THAT reminds me- said a man from
Virginia, when another man had finished
a pleasing and pertinent story, ''of cow
we used to own when was about coming
of age. / was working on my fathers
farm for my board and clothes, and part
of my arduous duties was to milk the
cows. They were pretty good mixers,
every one of them. but there was one
that was the 'milkn'cst COW You ever
see as one of our hired hands put it. She
was little that the hired man could pick
her up and pack her into the milking shed.
and she gave much milk that 1t took
two men to carry it to the spring house. 3"
1t required about a minute for the fire
points of this narration to work their way
into the perception of the listeners, and
then Iong-legged kentuctdan gave a
gup as if he were swallowing the yarn
bodily.
Huh" nc said with an air of superiority,
that's nothing to a COW we used to own
when l a boy down in the Pennyrile
neighborhood.'
where's the Pennyriie?' asked a for
eigner.
''OT to the west and south of the Blue
Grass"
And where's the Blue GRASP" asked
the same man.
You'd better go to school awhile" re-
piled the Kentuckian contemptuouSly
but as 1 was saying: NY daddy had
COW that used to come up at night as reg
ular as clock work, but one night she
failed to show up and a niger boy and
went out to drive her up. There was a
sink hole
whats a sink hole?" asked The Star
man.
Its funnel-shaped hole, that looks as
If 1t might be the crater of an extinct vol
cano. varying in depth from ten feet to
bottomless, and from fifty to a hundred
feet or more across the top. AS l was
saying: There was sink hole about a half
mile from the house, and as we went by it,
We heard the COW baw1, and going over
that way We found her in the hole and
unable to get out. l reckon she was twcn-
ty-tive feet or So below the level and the
sides were too steep for her to climb out.
We figured awhile on the best way to get
her out. and at last the niger boy said
he knew how to do 1t, and right away
slid down into the hole with the cow and
began to milk her. He told me to welt
at the top for him and did It, and in
mighty little while, I'll be logged, if that
niger hadn't MIXED enough milk into that
sink hole SO that both him and the cow
could swim out"
The Virginian looked at the Kentuckian
as If he wanted to hit him, but a New
York man began to talk and the battle was
postponed.
Speaking of gunffnts,' he said "re-
minds me of bullet holes, and l met a man
today looking for a patent, who was in
the inventing business fifteen years ago.
when lived up the Hudson. He had in
vented machine for taking bones out of
shad that was the very best thing OF its
kind ever tried All you had to do with It
was to screw it on the side OF the table,
drop in your cooked shad turn the crank
and the machine fired all the meat into
your mouth and all the bones under the
table. All the inventor needed was to find
a man with money to help him bring out
the machine and put 1t on the market
but moneyed men were scarce and it was a
long time till one was found, but he was
found at last, and then the inventor was
happy. He showed the capitalist how 1t
worked, and the capitalist was SO well
pleased that he took 1t home with him TO
show 1t to his WIFE Next morning. lust
after breakfast, the inventor got the ma
chine back again and with it note that
crushed his hopes forever The capitalist
not only didn't want anything to do with
the COMPOUNDED machine but hoped the
inventor would go to a place where there
wasn't enough water In million years to
noat mnnow. 1t was a long time before
the inventor could find out what the matter
was, but he did at last and then he learn
ed that the capitalist in attempting to
show his wife how the machine worked.
turned the crank the wrong way and filed
himself so full of bones that he couldn't
get his shirt off for six weeks
Ihere was something so pathetic in this
tale of the disappointed inventor that it
was fully two minutes before an Ohio man
could say something to dspel the gloom
All inventors don't have such bad luck
as that he said, with the confidence of
the average Ohioan, land one / used to
know out there in the western reserve in
vented machine that would have revo-
lutfonized the sheep business, If he hadn't
been killed on his way to Washington to
get out his patent"
DO you call that luck?" asked the New
York man.
This patent" continued the Buckeye,
ignoring the interruption, was the neat
est thing l ever saw. 1t looked like a
small threshng machine, and 1t utilized all
the products of the sheep in the most
complete manner possible The operator
simply tied the legs of sheep in a bunch,
dropped the animal into hopper, set the
machinery going and in three minutes he
would turn out four quarters of mutton. a
peck of chops, two dozen talow candles,
three wool hats and leather apron"
An immediate and vociferous call for
afiidavits followed the Ohio mans narra-
ton. and during the excitement The Star
man escaped.