davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
The American woman's Dictionary.

Blush-Red color in the face, caused
by shame or confusion, prevalent among
women of ancient times.
Candor-A noun of two meanings.
For ourselves frankness for our neigh.
bors impudence.
Drawer-A sliding box in a table:
usually too full to slide.
Empty-A husbands wardrobe after
tho missionary box has gone.
Friend-An acquaintance less prepos-
sessing than ourselves.
Graduate (sweet girl l-The only per
son who knows exactly how the country
should be managed.
Handwriting = Written characters.
One of the lost arts.
The most satisfactory of the per
sonal pronouns.
Joke-A speech or action said by men
to contain wit.
Key = An apparatus which would
open the outside lock Of our house door
if it were not inside on the bureau.
Love-Affection for rich man.
Martyr-One who suffers for a cause.
A man at an afternoon tea.
Naughty-The child who returns our
infants slap.
"Out"-A safe distance from the win
dow.
Photographic representation of our
selves that does US an injustice.
Quart-Two pints of ice-crean.
Right-Our position in domestic dis.
cussions.
Street Cars - A public vehicle for
transportation in which seats are ar.
ranged horizontally for gentlemen.
Talented-Au unmarried minister.
Notwithstanding an angry man.
Vacuum A space unoccupied by
matter. A pocket-book that has been
shopping.
Watch-A piece of jewelry resembling
In appearance mems chrouometers. Diff.
fel1ng in that it does not tell time.
Aantippe-A woman born in ad-
vance of the suffrage movement.
Yes-The tip of a woman's tongue.
Zero-A conjugal disagreement.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
THIS IS NEW YORK
"A Picture of the Metropolis as Drawn BY
an English Artist.

regard with interest the CUSTOM
house officer, the first American have
seen ON native soil, and can scarcely
answer his questions for staring. He
Is handsome, weary man, exactly like
one OF Leech's volunteer officers of 1860.
and he writes rapidly, holding the pen
between the first and second fingers.
There's Bartholdi's gigantic statue at
OF Brooklyn bridge. Sam has fastened
up all my luggage, and we shake hands
heartily. shall never forget him and
fork.
As I go down the gangway a crowd OF
faces look up at me from the dock. A
twinkling Irishman darts at me with a
telegraph form and pencil. He Leaves
them with me, with a sweet, wistful
smile. and rushes away after others.
My luggage is all waiting for me under
my initial in the huge shed. have to
open every trunk and bag and watch
large, dirty hands play over my clean
hnen. Sam comes to shake hands with
me again. and gets me an Irishman and
truck to take my luggage to a fiy. An
1rishman opens the door. an Irisbman
drives me. The first shop I see is Mich.
ael Feeney's saloon bar.
L drive jolting over tramway lines.
under elevated railways, between piles
OF snow as high as the early walls OF
Rome. see an unmistakable Irish DO
liceman in helmet with turned-dowu
brim regarding with admiration a COL
ored lady sauntering through the slush
OF the sidewalk in goloshes. We are
nearly smashed by cable car sinking
along, ringing funeral Changing bell.
see disused lamp post with a dark.
red letter box fastened to it; next a tall.
black electric light pole. On the lamp
post read on one side Fifth avenue: on
the other East Twenty-sixth street. On
the top of huge building there's huge
sky sign advertising certain cigarettes.
On the face of it three large clocks tells
the time in London, New York and
Denver. As we jolt past, up Fifth ave-
nue. read on board: ooh, Mamie.
wont You take your honey boy to see
Peter F. Daley in "A Country Sportp'"
This is New York.-Corn1tll Magazine.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
COLD FOOD FOR BREAKFAST.
why the Early Meal In England Differ
From That in America.

The English breakfast is a meal not
understood by us. 1t may be served in
the dining-room or in the library. 1t is
more often ION call" than en- famille,
and there is total absence, even in the
highest circles. of formality in dress or
in service. The viands are, for the
most part, cold. The English will tell
you that this is because they have
learned that cold meats are more digest
ible than hot, and that it is vulgar to
eat heavy meal early in the day, but
shrewd observer in the N. Y. Times
attributes their. preference to a COM
6ination of lazy servants and old
fashioned stoves, which renders it diff
tlcuit to get "heavy meal early in the
day." "a
Where hot dishes are served they are
apt to be minced yeal," or few thin,
crisp slices of Irish bacon. These, with
new-laid eggs, invariably boiled or
steamed, which latter is done at table,
are all that are within reach. The cold
meats, consisting of ham, tongue.
"collared head" ETC., are placed on the
xideboard. As no servant is expected to
be IN attendance al this meal, tho gentle
men of the family go back and forth
from table to sideboard, serving thoss
who ask for helpings. The thoughtless,
uninitiated American might object to
such confusion and Inconvenience. but
John Bull delights in an affectation of
simplicity, and accomplishes informality
in his usual clumsy fashion. Such q
convenience as a table bell is an un-
known article of furnishing. Should
the servant by any chance be wanted
when out of the room, even at dinner,
the mistress will rise from her chair and
cross to the mantel, by the side of
which is an electric button, or bell
punch, communicating with the kitchen.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
REMEMBERED BY A JOKE.
Ma5.-0sn. McCoOk and the Scout Met
After Many Years.

Several months ago Gen. McCook
paid visit to Santa Fe with some rail-
road officials. On arriving at Santa Fe
his first inquiry was for one Lucian
Stewart. says Harper's Weekly. He was
told that Stewart was in the hospital,
awaiting death from old age.
Then he may die tonight, and I will
see him first" the general quietly re-
marked. And then, with his aid, he
went directly to the hospital and was
quickly by the cot of the old man.
Stewart, don't you know me?" he in
quired In . tender way, at the saus
time extending his hand.
Stewart did not reply for fully one
minute, all the time holding the generals
hand and scanning his features At last
ray of light broke over his counten-
ance. and, with smile, he said: "Yes,
/ remember you. You are the young
ieutenent who never smoked before
breakfast"
Here the two broke into laugh, the
heartisst laugh, perhaps, the old invalid
had enjoyed for decade. Stewart had
been the chief Of scouts when, forty
years ago, McCook was fighting
Apaches on the frontier. The general
had not seen him since that war, but
showed his deep regard for his old
friends by remembering so humble a
comrade. The remark of the old scout
referred to time when McCook, then
and detail under Col. st.
Vrain, were chasing the Apaches. They
had struck hot trail, had been on it
thirty-six hours without food. Fearing
to wait to prepare a meal, for every
minute was then precious. so close was
the trail. Col. St. Vrain determined to
keep on the march. Realizing the con-
dition of his men and officers, he had
given permission for the men to partake
Of such rations as they could in the sad
die, and, turning to his lieutenant, he re-
marked:
@McCook. have cigarP"
mo. thank you, SIR" was the quick
Il never smoke before break
fast"
Gen. McCook has been in command
of the department of the Colorado for
twelve months past. The new orders
do not change his station.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
The JoKE.MAkINc rRApE.
A FlOurlshing GOthamite Industry Of .
Very Peculiar Nature.


The business Of joke making and
Short-verse writing Is trade in itself
and has its center in New York. In al
most every city or large town there ara
one or two bright wits who have
cracked some exceptional Jokes which
some comic paper has printed and paid
for. In many place there il some
local punster whose efforts are the pride
Of his narrow circle. But only in New
York does this work center itself.
When speak Of joke writing rs busi-
ness with some / mean it literally.
There Is coterie of about forty writ.
0rs. most Of whom live in New York,
who do nothing but write for the comic
papers. They do not wait for a happy
inspiration, but make the inspiration
come to them. They write Jokes and
verse for their living, and with some Of
them it 10 very good living indeed.
These are the men the comic papers
depend upon for most of their material,
and at least ten Of them make from $40
to $50 . week "just joke writing" Some
Of these are well known to the general
public from their names over verses or
short sketches. But some of them again,
who write merely short "squibs, are
known only to tAs editor.
1t 10 no uncommon thing for anY one
OF these men to turn out from fifty to
200 jokes (brand new, warranted not to
fade) a week. and ten bits of verse.
The professional joke writer frequently
sits down without an idea in his head.
Some turn of speech comes to him-he
writes down his joke on a small rec.
tangular bit Of paper. just the size to
slip into an envelope conveniently.
That joke or his train of thought sur-
gests another, and on he goes until in
two hours he may have written twenty
Eve jokes.
Then the business part of it comes in.
By system Of special bookkeeping he
enters the head Of each joke in book
and places opposite the title the paper
to which the Joke 10 sent As general
thing he viii put the twenty-five squibs
which he has Just finished in an en-
velops with an addressed aud directed
envelope" inside. and start the package
on fta tour around the world of humor.
He sends 1t first to the paper which
pays the highest price and then in
regular order from weekly to weekly
until he has exhausted the list and got
ten down to where they pay as little as
ID cents per ioke-a starvation price
for the professional humorist Suppose
the 6rst paper to which he sent the
package took three jokes. When the
others came back he checks off the
three as %.Aken" and *paid for" if the
paper In question pays on acceptance
and most Of them do to the leading
writer. The rest no sends to the second
faE
The renaining Jokes arc again checked
of. and the package started again.
There are as many rs twenty Ave papers
and periodicals which pay for original
jokes 30 that the humorist has an ex-
callsnt chance Of getting rid of all the
Jokes Of series at some price. OF
course, he 10 continually sending out new
patches to the first paper ON his list and
thence to the others. 50 that his name
and his humor are constantly before tho
editors.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
MECHANICAL MUSIC.
The Wall of Professor Who Declares
that Learning IL Lost Art.

"What for look bluepn said the Pro-
fessor. Il win tell you. / look blue
because my beezeness is being-what
you call himP-keeked out. Noah,
yes-knocked out by the maker of those
stupid idiot mechanique instruments Of
music. There is no longer any need to
learn the piano, for, see, all you do now
is bring in the telegraphique wires from
the street and the piano will play it
self. Organ-no. Buy some rolls Of
papaire and put him in the organ and
turn the crank. so. and out will come
anything you wish from Strauss to
Cherubini. Mandolin-no. For some
much too clever Yankee has make an
other something which you shall button
to the piano. and there. my faith, you
have your mandolin. Zither-no. For
there are the zithers now that you
play with q steek. Chord of F. press
this stock. Chord of B. press that steek,
and so on. There is no more need to
learn anything.
"Mademoiselle say to me, .Ah, Pro-
fessor. why should practise any more,
when Mees So and So, who nevaire took
the lesson in her life, has an electrique
piano which can play everything as
well as you do when she press q leedle
buttonP' And say, Why, indeedP'
Then madame say to me, 'Ah, Profess
sor, I shall geeve up the mandolin, for
/ can put leedle thing to the piano and
make 1t play like the mandolin weeth
two fingers And / say, 'Ah, sop
Then monsieur say, Professor, l guess
give up the organ thees winter and
buy one of those windyphones, like Billee
Sweetzer have, where all you have to do
is to move the feet, and the musique
come out joost as good as you play, and
say, Was that sop
"And it ees so. The mechanique
music have knocked me out. There is
no heart any more to learn anything
that take time and patience when you
can have all the good music that you
like by pressing the leedle button and
moving the feet. It ees not the music
Of the soul. to be sure; may be it ees
not the music of the expression; may be
it ees not music at all Bah! who
caresp All you want is the tune, Just
like the organ man and piano woman
on the street. Arteest be dam. Vive
la mechanique! am going home to in
vent violin olectrique and an auto
matique flute that you shall play with
the knees"
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
This Advanced Age.
.WonEerful. ain't itin


The old man with the drab bowknot
ON the front end OF his chin stood by the
First Presbyterian church and gszed al
the Mccarthy building. which is nearing
completion.
Who'd ever thought that such things
c'u'd come t passl Wood used ter Be
good enough fer US; now they has ter
use iron ter get up q house.
Then he went over and gazed up
among the huge joists of iron. He
wiped the frost from his bowknot and
shook bis head.
"Over thar at th' church they has ter
wait till they dies afore they git tet
heaven. Here" and he looked up
again. "All they has ter do is ter take tn
elevator"
Then he fell over pile Of bricks and
wadsd Through pond of mortar In his
endssvor to catch trolley car. -
SNr0else Post.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
Grape Seeds and Appendicitis.

A physician urges, in An exchange,
the doing away with the fear that ap-
pendicitis is caused by = seed or bit Of
hard food of any sort becoming lodged
in the vermiform appendix. He has
performed number Of operations and
never found anything of the sort as the
troubling cause in any one Of them.
"A small bit of digested matter. he
says. gets into the little sac, if the neck
of it il open far enough to receive it. Il
may remain there for years and cause
no trouble and then again it may bring
ON appendicitis almost Immediately.
He disclaims entirely any faith n the
idea that grape seeds or any other seeds
produce the disease and begs those
timorous folks who have almost given
up the use OF small fruit for fear Of ep.
pepdlcitis to Danish the notion and en-
Joy che goods the gods provide without
worry. ?. INHss.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13

Fogee-This bloomer business among
female bicycle riders makes me tired.
] wish could hit upon some scheme to
kill il In this town.
Hardhed -- Humph! That's easy.
Just get one Of your newspaper friends
70 slip In an item saying that the cos
tnDe makes the wearer's feet look three
esSes larger than they really are
Buffalo Courier.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13

Marlowe-I see that some unknown
man has sent 25 cents to the govern
ment conscience fund.
Bixby-Gadi it's too bad he is un-
known. A man with even a 25-cent
conscience would be such valuable
addition to our police force.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13
Not Satisfactory.

u understand" said the detective,
that you had clew to the whereabouts
Of Crookles. tho famous criminal"
yes" replied the brother officer. "A
slight one.
"What was itP"
"A man came to me and said he wss
Crookles and wanted to give himself
up because he was tired Of eludinR JUS
tee"
what did you doP"
Nothing. he couldn't prove his
identity. ~ Washington Star.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13

Mr.. Hayseed Tin city hoteD-"Wan,
/ guess you'n have to blow out the gas,
Mandy"
Mrs. Hayseed-"Why. Josiah? The
porter made me promise not to do It."
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13

Parson Whiss-How'd yo' Hike do SER
mon on Charity" dis uoornin'. deaconP
~ Deacon HArascrsPple-Dat was r
VERY touching sarmon. PArs0R. KIN
Y0' lead NE 'S 9ouaeP
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13

@Oh.Mr. Longhead,I ! just saw Charley
Greene eloping with your wife!"
"Goodi Now I'm even with him! He
sold me horse last week. ."-LUe.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13

N1amma-Do stop crying, Tommy.
You don't hear me cry when my hair 10
combed.
Tommy - Boo-hoo-oo! Yours isn't
hitched on.-Jndqe.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-13

The normal weight Of tho Liver L. b.
swssn thrss and four pounds.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1895-08-26

From the Lewiston Journal.
Walter Weilman has been having .
smoke and talk with Chief Justice Fuller
on the latter's piazza at Sorrento and was
reminded by his distinguished host that
Justice Str, ng had lived longer after Leave
ing the bench than any man of recent
times 1.-The rule is" said the chief JUS
tice, that when a man resigns or retires
from our bench he lives but a short time.
1t has become one of the traditions of our
body that If we want to live to green OLD
age we should stay in the harness. Justice
Nelson retired in 1872, and died the next
year. Justice Swayne retired in 1851, ana
died three years later. David Davis lived
only seven or eight years after leaving the
bench. Justice Hunt lived but four years
after retiring. While ii Is true that years
ago some men lived a long time after CIV.
ing up their seats on the bench, the mod.
ern Instances point in the other direction:
We have talked about this in the court
and have concluded that after man hap
passed his earlier years amid the smoke
and fire Of court room battles and the
tense application of the bench, 1t is dam
eerous to cut off all activity and retire to
a life of idleness. The dry rot of aimless-
ness eats out existence. Probably 1t 10 as
true of the Supreme Court as Of other fields
of activity in this world. that 1t is worf
which gives long life. The records OF tn9
court appear to prove 1t In our case az
least Justice Strongs experience Is an
exception. He left the bench In 1SSO. ana
until recently has been healthy and nap
nv"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1895-08-26
COMFORT IN TRAVELLING.

Ingenious French Contrtvances of
Luxury for Railway and Steamer.
From the New York Herald
For mems handbags, pigskin is the fash
ion everywhere. and for ladies' English
shagreened morocco. The ordinary fla,
grained morocco is out Of fashion.
At one of the largest establishments ir
Paris for this style of goods have seer
some very complete dressing cases and
travelling bags. The variety of articles ir
silver and morocco is extraordinary.
looked carefully over the chief things, sucf
as a large necessaire trunk and DRESSING
case in crystal and silver; a very pretty sci
Of table requisites, such as vegetable dishes
dishes for eggs, saucepans and porringers
In common pottery ware, but all mounted
In silver, making a very elegant table ser.
vice. also noticed handy tea service fol
travelling, contained in very small pigskir
casket. with a domed lid; it comprised two
silver cups, with movable handles; teapot
cream jug, butter dish, box to hold the tea
and two teaspoons-all silver The box is
only 25cm. long, by Item. high.
Another tea set, much simpler, but very
practical is formed of small wicker bas
ket. the front of which let's down, ano
which contains complete set of tea things
with small copper boxes for provisions
Very pretty, too, Is pigskin travelling bae
which opens very slightly. 1t is ornament
ed WIN silver gilt ana tOrIOlSeSnell, anC
contains within a compass of 30cm. by 15cm
three TASKS, soap box, pot of pomade
hair brush, coat brush, looking glass and q
case of cutlery.
One novelty I greatly admired is a shoe
lace bag. In small fiat deerskin case is @
complete assortment of gold tags to fix or
the end of shoelaces; also very small baby
pins in gold for fastening bows so as to
prevent them from coming united.
1 found some very complete dressing
cases. in black morocco, containing within
compass of 21cm. by 15cm. a soap box
shaving dish, nail and tooth brushes, q
flask. two hair brushes, a looking glass
leather inkstand and set of cutlery. includ
ing two razors This case can be placed II
a saddle bag and is very handy for officers
The most practical trunks are those which
are the simplest and the lightest. We fine
them in wickerwork, covered with BLACK
leather which seems to me to be very prac
teal.
I saw some large trunks for ladies, with
drawers and compartments, but 1 do MOI
find them very practical. The ladies' ant
gentlemen's hat boxes are very well de
signed,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1895-08-26
Horrors of a Sea Battle.

From the Boston JOuTuhl.
Few people, even naval men, realize what
fighting on an ironclad really means. Capt.
McGifin, who was an officer on board
Chfrese man-of-war at the battle Of the
Yalu river gives an English exchange,
however, a most vivid description. He tells,
among other things. that the din made by
the impact of heavy projectiles against the
metal sides Of the vessel Is awful beyond
description. He wore cotton In his ears,
but in spite of that is still deaf from the
noise The engineers in the Chen-Yuen
stuck to their work, even when the tenn
perature of the engine room was above 200
degrees Fahrenheit. The skin of their
hands and arms was actually roasted off,
and every man was blinded for life, ''the
sight being actually scared out" Late in
the action, after his hair had been burnt
off, and his eyes SO impaired by injected
blood that he could only see out of one of
Them and then only by lifting the lid with
the fingers, he was DESTROYS of seeing how
the enemy was delivering his fire. AS he
CROPPED his way around the protected deck
a UNDERGROUND shell pierced the armor
about eighteen inches in front Of his hand.
In a second his hand touching the steel
was so burnt that part of the skin was left
on the armor. That shows how intense Is
the heat eEgandered by the impact of
shot, and how rapidly the steel conducts
that heat