The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-01-19
4 Chicago Maiden Moralizes on the Mod
ern Joke.

- A"luCu VA ~ y
ern Joke.
MAN is a complex creature" sighed
the girl who was thinking Of a ~postgrad-
nate course at the university.
Il don't agree with you,' replied the
girl who always spelled until with a dou-
BILE ]. II find him exceedingly simple"
And how simple one has to be to
please him!" groaned the girl with the
dimple in her chin.
Doesn't onef l often think Of having
all my wisdom teeth out on purpose"
Whatever are you talking aboutf" ask
cd the girl who was thinking of taking a
postgraduate course at the university.
Man, my dear. Our proper study, you
know. And, oh, how much easier life
would be if only the comic paper had
never been invented!'
Laura, dear, if you would only keep
to ono subject at a time it,
'Oh, Laura is all right" put in the
girl with the dimple in her chin. What
she means is this: Nine outof every ten
men acquire what they think is a vast
amount of knowledge concerning the Pc
culiarities of our sex through the funny
papers. Oh, 1t is true, Mary, though you
look so i~ncredulous, and the nearer we ap-
proach to the humorist's ideal of us the
more thoroughly the men think they un-
derstand us, and consequently the better
they like IS"
"Well, 1 never!'' said Mary in a faint
voice.
"Yes, and it Is very trying to live up to
It," groaned the girl who always spelled
until with a double |. II take all the fun
ny papers myself in order to keep up with
the latest ideas, and very expensive I find
1t too"
Eyes, and then one has to pretend not to
understand the jokes" lamented the girl
with the dimple in her chin. when I'm
caught with one, l always pretend that
I'm only looking at the pictures. But
what l do hate worst is the ice cream
joke"
"The ice cream jokef" faltered the girl
who was thinking of a postgraduate course
at the university.
"M'hm. There was a rich old bachelor
at the place where l was staying last sum
mer who firmly believed that all girls
would like to live exclusively on ice cream.
The cream they made there was atrocious,
yet 1 had to eat plate after plate of it just
to please him."
"And did anything GOMEZ
"Nothing, dear. He told me when VIC
parted that 1 had reminded him of an ole
love. Well, I shall be reminded of him
for a long time by the fearful indigestion
that tepid cream gave me-"
ooh, well, perhaps next year.
"Never, Laura. l could not marry him
under false prevenses. Think, oh, think.
of having to eat three plates Of cream
every day in the year"
Laura shuddered. "Still 1 shall always
have to pretend to be afraid of mice and t.
love big dogs"
Poor dearl Did l tell you what a com
ical experience l had in the train Monday
morning2 Nor Well, l had been staying
a day or two at Winnetka with Inc, ant
coming in 1 bought a magazine. ha(
my embroidery scissors in my bag, ant
while l was getting them out l heard an ole
gentleman in the seat in front of m,
whisper to his neighbor, See If she doesn''
use one now OF course, of course, wa
the reply"
Ibid they mean a hairpin9" asked tn
girl who was thinking Of a postgraduate
course at the university.
Certainly. What elseP And you SHOULD
have seen their look of disappointment
when l began to cut the leaves with tn
scissors"
"Humph! Did they think you coul'
afford to use real tortoise shell hairpin
for such a purpose when they are SO ex
pensive and SO fragile?" cried the girl VIII
always spells until with a double l. ''Stil
l always stick in a wire one somewher
for such an emergency"
II shall after this, for that old man
look of despair will haunt me to my dyinI
day, and he talked about the new womal
all the way into town. Chicago Tribune