The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-12-20
HIS FIERY FANCY FREE.
What Joe Waters Says in Sam Radges'
Directory.
An ENTERTAINING SALUrATORY

lust Enough to Make the st. Ananf-
asisms More Interesting.
England can now go on with her war
if she wants to- Sam Radge's new d.
rectory is out and Topeka has nothing
whatever to worry about. Barring the
fact that Colonel Sam has ruined his
chances of popularity by not permitting
the picture of a single one of Topeka's
beauteous women to appear, and pub
lished a large number of her very best
looking men, it is a very nice directory
indeed. It contains 800 pages and spien-
did portraits of upwards of 125 To-
peka men.
The population is placed at 1926 but
the colonel adds the saving clause that
sff you don't believe it there is no law to
prevent you from counting them your
self"
THE historian" says Colonel Sam,
"who deals in statistics and percentages
does it not that he expects the stuff to be
read, but solely that his presumptuous
fabrications may bear the similitude of
truth" whatever that means. "The per-
centage of population to each name on
its page varies with the depravity of each
compiler. and unless he is a versatile
aggeration the newspapers denounce him
before he has got through distributing
the first edition of the book"
As usual Capt Joe Waters wrote the
leading editorial on Topeka, the hollow
ness of life, the Joy of living on the
banks of the KaW and several other
things;
the earth. Some one of our citizens
al Of
happiness and prosperity and shake our
dust from his feet Go where he may,
that man returns. Our police have
learned that the fleeing criminal and
fugitive from justice will return if given
time to reflect and an oppor-
tunity to spend his iligotten
gains. We have sent many
citizens to the still further west in search
of silver, gold, mica, black jack gold
bricks and other precious metals, and
while they have brought back photo
graphs and prospectuses, the greater
yield has been by staying at home and
selling stock to our eastern brothers at
very reduced price when we take into
account the gorgeous autographed
certificates that memordndumed such
transactions, and such is the destiny of
Topeka that very often. uninvited, many
of these certificates of shares have re-
turned. too, for inquiry and investiga-
ton.
"N hen q fire occurs, suicide hap
pens, or a foater is found we have with
out cost the chariot races of the Roman
over again. Away speed the treteans TO
the conhagration, and away speed the
undertakers' hoodlum wagons to pre-
empt the corpse The de-
funrt will not escape. He@will even
tually take up a permanent residence
here if the warning factions permit the
family to go at last on with the funeral"
No mention is made here of post NOR
tenn developments, but there is a little
snatch of original song which will do
just as well. 1t is:
In alien lands long may he roam.
Across the boundless earth and wide.
Just let him be, tor he'll come home
No other place dare he abide.
avery other city of its size on the face
of the earth has it's slums and pauper
population. Topeka has none. Our
kodak friends are compelled to go down
to Kansas City, Kan, for scenes of utter
destitution.
"Topeka people own their own homes
There is not q millionaire IN the city,
and Topeka is the only city of its size
now on earth that has not one open sa-
loon within its borders. (Applause).
.'OuE T6SQIU1tSS1Ou lI4G44S QSCLdE0 l1dI
it will be the last city of the kind on the
face of the earth. There are lots of our
people who believe in prohibition. The
Methodist church has changed its re-
Quirement from six months on probation
to six months on prohibition
This historian is not biased, gorad nor
preindiced. There will be joints, boot
leggers and spasmodic callers. where
liquor can be bought but the millennium
is easy and gives US another one before
this law is busted To appease the re-
submissionists, hope it may be busted
and that quickly. To reas-
the Methodist church, the 7. NJ. C. A,
the W. c. T, .. and the Topeka club l
hope it may continue so long that Ga
briel at the last day will fnd it 'impossi-
bic to find a single horn. There's moth
ing like being considerable to both sides
when you've got book to sell
"Kansas is beautiful state. Der har-
vest of corn this year is over four hun
dred million of bushels. Suppose one
bird should be compelled TO carry this
crop kernel by kernel to the dog star
but you can make the computation your.
self.
0"Twelve suicides happened in this city
this year within a period of ninety days.
life rather than go back to the beggarly
elements of the world and give up To-
peks.
"There is everything in this town
The man who does not belong to club
is member of some fraternal aid socie-
~ of which there are in round numb
1900. Whenever a man gets out of
work here he POUNDS a new order and
lives on the proceeds as founder.
ave have a poet who sings melliflu-
ousiy of peace but talks of war.
The high school flung its banner out
and got Gene Ware to come and spout.
He told them what its glories are and
then they up and cheered for Ware. He
asked them all what we are for: some
for scads, but he's for war, dead loads of
wounded. MANNED, and slain; let bugles
sound the charge again. He trod on
English lions tail and then for England
wished to sail and fharo rrov,