The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-11-13
SOME PLAIN FIGURES,

The Nervous. Looking Mans Mission Was
to Prevent the Waste Of Food.
From the Chicago Tribune.
A spare, nervous-looking man, ar
rayed In a rusty suit of black and car
rying a small Valise in his hand, went
into one of the leading hotels and ad-
dressed himself to the clerk.
Il see you use q raw potato as q PEN
wiper" he observed.
YES" replied the hotel clerk, who
happened to be at leisure and in mood
to be gracious. 1T Is as good as any
thing else, and keeps the pen from cor
roding."
Have you ever made an estimate" /"
asked the stranger, leaning forward
and speaking in a confidential tone, "of
the probable effect of the general adop-
ton of the potato as a pen-wiper, or
rather as a pen-sticker?"
II don't think I nave" said the clerk.
1T Is worth your while. SIR" rejoined
the man In black, speaking earnestly
and hurriedly.
There are in this town today proba-
bly, not less than 200 hotels that habitu-
ally use potatoes to stick their pens in.
Each one takes fresh potato every
morning. That uses up 200 potatoes a
day. In a bushel there are about 100
potatoes Of the size of this one you are
using. That makes two bushels day,
or 7so bushels a year. Do you begin to
SEE
My friend-''
wait q moment. That Is merely the
beginning. 1 have spoken only of the
hotels. The use of the potato as q
pen-sticker is growing constantly. 1t
Is spreading to mercantile establish
ments. Imagine what will be the con-
sequences when the hotels and stores
and offices of this town use up 100, 900
selected potatoes every day. Think Of
1t! The enormous total Of &c, SOC, 900 DO
tatoes, or 1856, 900 bushels in one year in
Chicago alone! And every blamed po-
tato gone to waste! A potato, sir, is
no good when 1t is stuck full of ink 1t
Is rendered absolutely valueless. Imag-
Inc, II you can"
Say, are you"
mo, sir, 1 am not Mayor Pingree in
disguise. / am not q potato enthusiast.
l am a plain citizen, with O head for
figures and the figures to show for It.
With view of doing what one man
can do to prevent a custom thoughtless-
ly and Inadvertently adopted from be-
coming q national calamity" he pro-
ceeded. opening his valise, II have in
vented little arrangement Of wood,
Comprehensive Pen-wiper. It is, as
you see, very much more ornamental
than a potato. 1t is cheaper. II in
wolves no waste Of a useful food pro-
duct. Renewed once a week 1t will last
q year, at a total expense Of"
II don't want It."
AT q total expense, I was about to,
say" "
Il don't care what the expense is. I
don't want It,"
You don't, hey?"
mo. wouldn't have q carload of
them as a gift"
"Oh. you wouldn't! You don't care
how soon there comes a shortage in the
potato crop and the price runs up to si0
q bushel! That's the sort of a man Won
are, 1t Is? You're willing to 20 ahead
and plunge the country into a potato
famine. are you? Rather than spend
20 cents for a useful invention you'd
see tie whole darned country starye
would you? A man, sir, that will stand
right up In the face of facts and sta
tistics-a man that can't be reached bv
f1gures and don't care for flgures-is n
man, sir, that would have Committed
the crime of 1873 II he'd had the chance
That's all, SIR"
He put the Comprehensive Pen-winer
back IN his valise, shut the latter with
loud snap. and with look of lordiv
scorn strode away.