The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1895-09-17

HHUEHEU
Danger of Blood Splitting When the Silver
Convention is Pulled of--A Chat
With Sterling Morton -Zeke Wants
to be U. S Secretary of Agricul-
ture.
B.-"Helloi Mr.. Editor"
R-"HelloI Major. How are you
getting on in Washington
B-"Only midlin' I'm tryin' ter KEEP
cool an stay out ov North Karolina till
after that silver k~onvention jzheld at
Raleigh. I'm lookin' fer blood spillin'
when that takes place"
R-"Why are you expecting any
thing so hOrrible?'
B-"WelI, it's this way You see Mr..
Ed. Chamber Smith, Col. Jarvis, Col.
Daniels an awl them felleTs what air
tryin' ter yank the country into the
free coinage craze air gettin' desprate.
They hev bin standin' PAWN the earth
for a long time an giCtln' restless.
They wont be any holdIn' o 'em down
any longer. They use ter tell us ter
waite an sing a little song called Gro
yer will make it all rIUe," but they
haint goin' ter waite on Grover any
more. l believe they hev concluded
that Grover haint much ov a Teller or
curin' the free homage cramps. l guess
Capt. Sam Ashe will read the riot act
en- put sum dynamite under the gold
bugs Capt. Sam ulster tell us ter Just
waite fer Grover ter pull the ey ewlnk
ers out ov hard times. Seems that he
liz tired watin'. l want him ter send a
marked copy ov hiz new book ter Mr.
R~othschilds an Mr. John Bull. l he'd
q terrible time with Steriin' Morton,
the Commissioner Cv Agriculture in
Washington, He wuz appinted by
Grover the LIST. l heard ne Wuzen'C d
farmer, 80 I thought maybe they wuz
an called on him. He sed he wuz
always glad ter see his farmer friends.
I tole him I reckoned he WIZ Ter that
IL q guide way ter learn some farmIn'.
He sed "OnIIm a farmer myself"
tole him 1 thought he wuz a lawyer.
He lowed lust ak me SUN questions
- an see is I amt a farmer" So sxed him
ter tell me- the u ov the prevailiu'
disease Ov hay f-v9r. Mr. Morton Sc
that wuz very simple that the trouble
IL the farmer ov the Northern an mid
die States raze too much hay. The
stock an cattle Cant eat il awl an the
surplus lies around an gives about one
third ov the human race hay fever
Then / axed him what he w.u'd sug
gest fer lice on cotton. He sed cotton
never gifts lousy; they are only found
on cattle an chaps and should be kill
ed with clubs. l axed him what time
corn orter be planted ter make the
best yield. He sed it orter always be
planted in September or the early part
ov October and planted in 70 US erbout
20 fleet apart. | reckon he wuz think
In erbout settin' out fruit trees. He
sed he Wuz experimental with a
scheme to Cross watermelons an sweet
taters. The taters grow in the ground
an the vines spread awl over the top
ov the gound an amt no earthly use.
We mite az well grow water melons
on the taser vine an do away with
the CROWN ov melon vines. Betsy
will claw the air when she reads this
Mr. Morton sed if we will git over thai
nonsense erbout thing needin' sun
shine ter make 'em grow wecould raz'
two crops in a year, n in the sum
mer an n in the winter. The sum
mer crops will stay warm awl winter
an the winter crops will be cold aw
summer. He awlso sed he wuz think
in ov interducin' a new variety or
egg plant. The idea ov rain raw
eggs, when, by a little care an atten
ton they can be pulled off the plan
fresh an cooked ready for eatin' IL
waste ov time. I didn'G want ter hea
any more, my opinion IL that we nee
new Secretary ov Agriculture, al
I'm the man fer the place. Sterlil
Morton don't know the difference b.
tween a pianner stool an a toadstoo
Gudebye."
RECIPE FOR A DEMOCRAT
FREE SILVER CONVENTION.
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