davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
Too Many Funerals.

From the Boston Journal
\ gentleman, whose summer house is in
Vermont, brought back TO Boston this fall
a man servant from the country, who had
never been in Boston. The sights and
scenes in a biz city impressed him pe-
cuiarly. The other day he went TO his
employer and said:
Mr.. H, shall have to go back
honc.n
Why, Tom-have you not been treated
kindly here"
"oh, yes, the treatment is all right but
then I'm afraid Of my health"
"iiow is that -
"Why, you see, Mr.. H. / saw four fu-
ncrlls gong past your house toe las. and /
guess Boston Is a plaguey unhealthy sort
Of a town.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
SHE BROKE INFO SOCIETY.
How an Outside Young Woman Ap.
pearcd at Society Function.
From the Chicago Times

How an Outside Young Woman An
pearcd ut Society Function.
From the Chicago Times.
They had a surprise out in La Grange
night before last, and a young woman ac-
complished the amazement with one leg,
thrust through the plaster ceiling of the
school house where La Grange society was
holding that fine old form of innocent
church members entertain ment known
rs district school,"
She did not mean TO introduce either
new features or unexpected anatomy into
the proceedings, but by common consent
she added greatly to the evenings enter
tainment-more, perhaps, than the ladies
and gentlemen who had all of their phvsi-
olo-y on the ground floor. more or less
covered, and, as it were, esoteric, and left
TO the imagination.
What happened seems TO have been
this: La Grange society decided to hold n
district school like they used to have in
the old times before the war. Mr.. Bunk.
holder was appointed schoolmaster for
the night. and everybody who was ap,.-
body in La Grange was there. There was
Col. Dan Mum and Judge Horton. and
President Horton Of the Chicago * East-
ern Illinois. c. J. Corey. Fred Ellsworth
of the Eigin Watch company, J. w. Ward
and, in fact, all OF the upper air and
solar walk of Ia Grange. together with
their sisters, cousins and aunts, and rela-
tons 10y marriage, such as wives, mothers
in-law.
They district schooleI until district
schooling palled upon repetition. and
everybody was just beginning 20 wish that
he had not come, when suddenly they
were glad they had.
There was crack N the ceiling. and
then crash. then a cloud Of plaster dust.
then a mutheI scream, and then a dis.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
A GOOD ONE.
How Senator Palmer Suddenly Became
Deaf

| How Senator Palmer Suddenly Became
| Deaf
An old republican Judge from Illinois
on his way west from New York stopped
over here yesterday long enough to have,
as he intended, little fun with his old
friend, Senator Palmer. The senator
committee room was rather dull when the
judge entered and he felt a bit diff lent.
Still, after clasping the senator's hand in
n grip of friendship, he said, with a grin (:
"What do you think of the election?"
"Hey?" the senator, with his hands be-
hind his ear, replied. The judge, some
thing surprised at this, to him the first
sign of deafness in his old friend, said, in
a louder tone:
IL say, what do you think of the cleo
tion?"
'Sir," said the senator, with his hand
still behind his ear and bending near the
judge.
II say" the judge responded. turning
bit red as he saw that everyone had
stopped talking TO listen to him: II say.
o-you-think-of- the - election
-the-election-the-e -
The senator looked panied. as he does
when he has to turn down a needy office
seeker. lie glanced round. as if to read
the judges question in the faces Of those
present, and then. apparently failing. he
turned again to the judge, and. without
even so much as a twinkle in his eyes.
thrust his ear to the judges mouth and
said:
What"
This drove the spirit of victorious and
gloating fun from the judges mind.
Dear me- he said, ir a low voice, full
of sympathy and regret, II had no idea
that my old friend John had become
deaf"
Then he shook the senator's hand and
left the room. whereupon the senator
turned TO those present and wInked the
other eye.-I dShHgfOH Post.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
1T is STILL UNSETTLED.
Tho Question as to why the Cat Know
How to- Tumble.

Tho Question as to Why the Cat Knows
How to Tumble.
"H'mphv' calculated the exchange ed.
itor, making a jab with his shears at an
item in a scientific exchange. "'Why
does a cat always alight on its feet -
Thot's too easy for anything"
"A cat" SAID the financial editor, sal
ways falls on its feet because of the claws
in its constitution that"
"ScatW exclaimed the other. 'If you
can't treat the subject with gravity drop
it,"
That's exactly what was about TO do.
was going to drop it on its feet"
"A cat" resumed the exchange editor
raising his voice." always lights on it's
feet"
because it has a right to take its
turn"
paws You don't tumble TO it at ALL"
The financial editor came to the scratch
again.
"How do you know a cat always does
light on its feet?'
That hasn't anything to do with it,.
The question is"
"Whose cat are you talking about. any
how?"
"Why does a cat, when he falls, always
alight on its feet? If you can't answer it,
say So"
well, why does it?" demanded the
financial editor, the real estate editor, tho
railway editor, the obituary editor and
the Acknowledgements editor, rising as one
man and standing over him.
Because" answered this exchange edi-
tor, definitely, because it is a cats ma
ture to get its back up"
Whereupon the meeting broke up in
great confusion, with the question still
decded.-Chicdgo Tribune.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

CHICAGO, Jan. 5.-Catte-Recelpts we're esti
mated az 1000, making &C. 4SO for the week, as
against 1880 last week and II PSI a year ago.
There was some inquiry for all classe, by buy.
ers and sales were made at about Fridays
prices, though the feeling was weak Steers
sold from 50. 10 to s. 80; stockers aud feeders,
s.. p to $40 and cows from Sl.JO to 1915.
The popular prices for the common to choice
light were S4.OOd4. % and for heavy grades 81 80
04.GO.
Heavy hogs were wanted and showed continued
firmness while light weights were a drug
There were no important changes in values.
Common to choice light sold at s.. So
In sheep there was light demand and an
easy market at si.5O53 80 for choice sheep and
s. 506l 49, for lambs.
Receipts-Cattle, 1000; calves 100; hogs
1900; sheep, 200
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
POOR LARKIN.

His Mind Is Completely Wrecked, So 1t
Is Thought.
BUTTE, Jan. 5.-James Larkin, was this
evening examined by n commission on in
sanity in Judge McHatton's court and
ordered sent TO the asylum at Warm
Springs. 1t was stated at the examina-
ton that his mind was gone so com
pletely that he could not remember his
friends. The court questioned the I'M
fortunate man, and he said he was in the
hospital because of broken leg. lie
identified several men in the court room,
but could not call their names, although
he had known them intimately for many
years. He has been in Wells hospital for
seven months. He will probably be taken
to the asylum tomorrow.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

She was tall, comely looking German
woman, smooth and pleasant Of face. but
with fierce flashing Of anger in her blue
eyes.
approaching the desk Of the police
judge, she gave the curt demand:
"lvant variant
WHO DO you want a warrant for?" said
the judge.
MY hoosband. so much | know"
What has he been DOING" the Judge
pursued.
With an increased flashing in her eyes.
the woman replied:
i licked him.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

Butte. Jan. 5.--J. n. Gravelle of the
hrm OF Courtonay, Case Gravelle COM
pany left Saturday morning for New York
to bny the spring stock for his house. He
VIII bc gone about a month and put in all
his time in selecting such goods as will
best suit the trade. As goods arc yet low
IN price but on the advance. he will no
doubt be able TO secure many surprises
for the ladies of Butte.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
Limited

With established trade. Having become
interested IN 4 manufacturing enterprise.
] desire TO sell at once. The erciusfrs
IGeHcy for c. b. Rouss OF New York COOS
with inns deal. II look ne for paving
business TINS Is yo-r opportunity. For
particulars address. l.. DENzFI.
Box 81, Great Falls, Mont.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
They Mistook the situation.

The driver of a one-horse vehicle loaded
with boxes halted on Gratiot avenue and
got down and stood off few feet and
looked earnestly at the horse. Four or
five pedestrians camo to a halt and one of
them promptly called out:
That horse has got chill and you
ought to unhitch him."
Hes got the blind staggers or I don't
know anything about horses" put in a
third.
The four or five pedestrians grew 10 five,
ten. and then to 20 or 80.
He's balky, eh ?" quried fat man, as
he forced his way into the crowd.
"IIoller in his carr shouted a boy who
was up on balky horses.
"All you fellers get hold and push the
wagon +" commanded citizen. who ap-
peared to be a born leader of men.
The crowd grew to 50-S0-lOO, aud the
street was blocked. Men examined the
wheels of the wagon, the feet of the horse,
and the harness. The driver stood there
with lines and whip in hand, but said
nothing and made no move until a Do
liceman forced his way into the crowd and
eXcitedly asked:
Now, then, what's all this about?
What's the matter here? ?"
'Nuthin'," was the calm reply.
Horse sick ~
Nav
''Is he balky?"
NAV"
Then why don't you go on?"
I'm goin'."
And he put his foot on the hub of A
front wheel and sprang to his seat and
drove off at a sharp trot.-Defroit Free
Press.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
They'll Visit Anaconda.

BUTTE, Jan. 5.-The matinee ut the Au-
ditorium by the Japanese jugglers and
magicians, Ando and Omme, was largely
attended by the ladies and children of
Butte and gave the utmost satisfaction.
Manager Burke intends visiting Ana
conda with these artists in a few DAYS.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

81 With more genuine comfort, :"
Na,,ar said an old smoker last night.
than when ] am reclining in
Never one of those big easy chairs in
Smoke the Understanding Library
Coach on the MISUNDERSTOOD
Limited between Minneapolis and Chi
caGo. In that Smokers Paradise on
Wheels everything Is conductive 10 solid
comfort. rest aud enioyment."-Ihe Jour
mai. Minneapolis.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
Tho kimball Piano.

High grade up TO date.
Thoroughly constructed, attractive in
appearance, brilliant in tone. fully war
ranted at Wholesale price. orion Rros
3J5 North Main street
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
The PrcttIr.t Cir. IN rnun

Has been using Parks Tea. aud she SAYS:
My complexion Is very much improved.
hat muddy look j. all gone. | take a Gun
Of Parks Tea three nights n week and
feel Just elegant Sold by Smith Dru,
Co. and Parchen D'Acheul Drug CO.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

=. u. BlsiOri OF Carthage, :. ID. I vas
taken SICK IN Sioux City. lie procured
two bottles of Parks sure Cure for tho
Liver and Kidneys. lie saws: Il believe
Parks sure Cure-excels all other mcdi.
cincs FOR rheumatism and urinary disor-
ders.. sold oy smith Drug "a. and Par
chen D'Acueul Dru. Co.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

from nov on the Great Northern sleeper
leaving Butte on the Atlantic eNp-ess vii
run through 10 ~. Paul without change.
and beginning Monday dining cars vii
re run on through trains IN and out OF
Butte.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
Metal MLket-

Bar Silver. co
Copper-Strong; brokers' price. S9.s71i.
Lead Quiet.
Coffee-Closed weak.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
Death of Mrs Jane Uov.r,h

BUTTE, Jan. 5.-Mrs. Jane Howarth died
this evening at the age of 81 years. She
was born in Kansas City. The funeral
will take place from the residence in
South Main street at 3 o'clock Sunday
afternoon.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
Money Market.

Money on call easy at III per cent; sterling
exchange dun, assss0LSs4 for demand and
S4.s7ss0l4.7S for 60 days
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

Winter blasts, rain AMI slee. have NJ
terror .ar travellers using thg trlnscour--
Mental trans ~ tae Northern Pacific.
IHeir passenger, sleeping and dining cars
are N-stlJ-.ul.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
STOCKS AND BONDS.

NEW YORK, Jan. 5Very little business was
done on the stock exchange to-day, and outside
OF sugar, distilling, Chicago gas and Missouri
Pacific, the trading was lifeless.
Government bonds-Firm.
Petroleum trong; February closed 97c. bid.
Lima oil sales. none.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
Wool Market
Grain Market.

NEW YORK, Jan. wool-Quet Domestic
fleece, 1908; pulled. 1904
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

Great closing out sale of ladies' fine
shoes at Dan Lewis, 81 W. Park.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

CHICAGO, Jan. 5.-The wheat market needed
something to keep up at the opening to-day.
The scalpers seemed to have the entire crop for
sale at from IS down TO 57i1 during the first Is
minutes of the session. IL received, at the
critical moment, all the support IL required,
and the scalpers were unanimously trying to
buy what they had previously been DESTROYS Of
selling.
Closing: May wheat. 67Hc
Corn-475sc
OatS-3tlac
POrk-SIISJ.
Lard-S7 .Oj.
RibS-S6. OJ.
ReceipIs-Wheat, 5000 bushels; corn, IjO,O))
bushels; oats, 1876 900 bushels
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06
GREAT FALLS.

The Great Falls once OF The STANDARD is
at lo7 Central Avenue. one door West of West
ern Union telegraph ONCE. Telephone No. s.
Advertising rates furnish on application.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

$: s::@==: :. !: !: x !. = = i: X
= = y :; :: :: !; !; 1; !; !: ): !: = u
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1895-01-06

Recelpts-Wheat, 5000 bushels; corn 1j0,O))
bushels; oats 1876 900 bushels
Evening journal., 1895-05-21
Editorial COMMENT.

Bat isn't Russia attempting q pretty
big contract 10 declaring war sgniast
Modjeska and japan az The same timer
Chicago Dispatch
Glance rapidly Of orr fine new census
and then stand aside and give Chicago q
chance to have a spasm New York
Advertiser
While Altgelds mouth holds out TO run
IL is not apparent what the Chicsgo
Democracy needs with another daily
organ. Cincinnati Times Star
The Monroe doctrine would be much
less liable to bring upon us embarrassing
complications II II had included some
method Of binding over the little south
ern countries 10 keep the peace. Wash.
ington Star
The mantelplece which Cornelius Van.
derbilt is erecting in his residences at
Newport represents An investment OF
S75, 0O0 No envious ueighbor viii want
the mantel Of Cornelius Go fall upon him
self II les weight Is in proportion to It's
cost The Wisconsin.
The Gem Of the Antilles, should It
eventually come into possession OF the
Standard OIL monopoly, will doubtless be
known as the Standard Isle. st. Louis
Post Dispatch
Evening journal., 1895-05-21
The aoIdey Commencement.

Commencement day will soon be here,
and the many cards OF invitation are
now being sent forth through the land
Among the earliest Of these, and the
prettiest as well, are those of the
Godey Wilmington Commercial College
and School OF shorthand Tuesday, June
has been set aside as the day OF com
Increment, and interesting graduating
exercises will be held in the evening
The address to the graduating class,
which numbers seventy Eve, will be
delivered by John Wansmaker. The
annual address will be by Hon Roswell
G. Horr, of Michigan, and 6here
will be remarks by Charles Baird and
Principal H. 3 Goldey Miss Francis A.
Everett. OF Utica, N Y, is the salu :
tatorlan and Frank w Per
kins, OF Clayton, the valedictorian
of the class Rev. Merritt
Hulburd, d D.. will deliver the opening
prayer, aud Rev W. l. s Murray, Phi d !,
Abe dean, will pronounce the benediction.
The alumni banquet will follow on
Wednesday evening.
Evening journal., 1895-05-21
Autoeratio stupidity.


From the Chicago Inter Ocean.
What 10 the object OF the silver stan
dArd gold papers IN referring to every
man who EXPRESSES an opinion favorable
20 silver as crank Why Is the man
who believes in the use Of silver on q
parity with gold a crank Why Is he
not entitled, ia this country, TO a free
expression OF his opinion on silver as he
ls on the tariff or on civil service reforml
The friends OF silver are certainly In the
majority IN all the Western states What
good eau be accomplished by abusing
them or by treating them as though
they were mere children In the dis
cushions Of SHANGHAI questionsg Friend
liness TO silver Is not a mere fad The
greatest statesmen of Europe have been
puzzllng their brains over the sill
question for half century They have
been thinking to SOME purpose. Why
should Western farmers who have been
thinking over the question for goos
many years and who have settled con
victions on the subject, be made the
subject Of ridicule rs soon as they ex.
press an opinionY
Evening journal., 1895-05-21
utah,s New oonstltntlon.

From the Washington Post
After more than forty years OF terri
torial existence and with history TN
parallelfd in any part Of the civilized
world, Utah is about to enter tho family
Of states, and the forty 9th star on the
national ensign will signalize her
admission She possesses In an eminent
degree all the requisites OF prosperous
commonwealth Her citizens are noted
for their Industry and economy. Her
agricultural and mineral resources will
furnish remunerAtive employment for a
large population, and her infant indus
tries" in various manufacturing lines will
soon be materially increased The Utah
Constitutional Convention, after a session
Of only sixty six days, flushed its work
last week and adjourned, after issuing
an address to the people by way Of re
view OF its proceedings It's members
we're not experienced Legislators, and
were not supposed to be adopts 10 the
framing Of fundamental law; but they
appear to have worked industrlously
and, on the whole, successfully.
Evening journal., 1895-05-21

Ms Bell Read. Of this CITY. has re-
turned home from a three weeks' stay at
Atlantic Oity
Mrs. h holloway ard little son Leon.
Of this city. srs making sn extended
visit TO friends near Laurel aud Bethel.
Mrs. Eva w,bo has returned to the
city from visit 70 the family Of 4. d.
Hadley, at Kenneth Square
Tx representative william salisbury
and Register Of Wills e T Cooper. Of
Dover aud ex-senator wiIlism NJ Ross,
OF 'afora are at the Hotel Bellevue,
Philadelphia
Mr. aud Mrs James Stewart. Of this
city. have returned from q short vi Il TO
SIR a, d MIS- Howard Lewis at Upland
MIS- David T Marvll. Of Dover, is
registered at tie Clay ton House
tx Governor James Ponder aud wife.
Of Milton were in Wilmington last
evening ana this nosaias.
William J. smsdley, Of Media, Pa
was In town yesterday
Thomas @. Frame. Jr OF Dover. and
Joseph smilhsIs. OF nyrna, we're smoag
the down state visitors ~ dsy.
Willitm r. smsll-y, Jr., will deliver
an Grafton before the Franklin Literary
Society Of Lafayette College. during The
esmo encemsnt ia tae latter pAtt Of
june.
Deputy Attorney g neral Branch 8.
Giles is IN sesford
Evening journal., 1895-05-21

A new and startling theory has been
advanced by Professor Frederick Starr,
Of the University Of Chicago He pro
claims that once again the mighty red
man Of the forest win rise as the ruler
and inhabitant Of this country. Tbs
professor does not mean that the scat
tered remnants Of the old Indian tribes
are again to become powerful enough to
dominate over the whites, but that the
white race on American soil will evolve
themselves into and become like the red
men In form, stature and complexion.
Evolution is defined TO mean 'unroll
ing, and Webster calls it "a series Of
changes under natural law involving
continuous progress etc, The heading
of this article is, therefore, misnomer
for there can be no such thing as back
ward evolution. Ia it, however any
more absurd than Professor STAIRS
theory thst the human race in this part
of the world is going back into bsrbsrityY
Possibly, however, the professor has been
reading some OF those ancient novels
about the mobile red man" until his mind
has become imbued with the idea that
the native savages Of America were all
heroes.
II this latter is the case we pity him
for his delusion must be based up,n
Ideas that are quickly banished from
youthful minis as soon as they sre
brought face to face with the descendants
Of the noble" race who once ruled
America, race far inferior in every
thing but fighting qualities Of the Wild
beast character, to the negro race. The
latter fall naturally into the lines of
civilization while the red men ara rs
untamable as the beasts OF the forests
Suppose Professor Starr had announced
that the human race in this country
would eventually be black, what howl
Of derislon would have met his ears from
all parts Of the country, and yet the
black man is infinitely superior to the red
nam, who nothing but romance has made
70 be anything but a wild animal In hu
man form. whose instincts are all OF
beastly hind. Speaking Of these two
races-red and black-reminds us OF an
anecdcte, Irather chestnutty, but trlte
for the occasion.
It appears that a oolOred man asked q
white man what color Adam and Eve
we're. Naturally the answer was white.
mo-" said the colored man, they were
black" This retort seemed absurd, but
the white man was curious to know BY
what possible reasoning his colored
brother had formed such an opinion and
asked him how he knew our first an
sestors were black. Why was the
retort, they were originally black, bat
when God came to them, after they had
eaten the apple from the tree Of knowl
edge, they we're So scared that they
turned white
Evening journal., 1895-05-21
The nostlle J.nrolsts.

From Harper's Weekly.
The American people are long suffering
and not prone TO wrath They love
their country, and, when war is
unavoidable, they are willing TO make
all the sacrifices that war involves. The
men who ara now breathing war aud who
insist that the government should protect
all the Spanish American countries
against what they call European ag-
giessions are I he people who are really
hostile to American sentiment and for
getfnl Of American history. Their
Efforts TO stir up enmity between this
country and Great Britain or Spain are
distinctly unpstriolic IL they accept the
logic OF their position, they would make
this government responsible for the con
duct OF the Spanish Ameiican govern
ments, for II We insist that no European
nation shall make war upon Nicaragua or
Nens zuelh, or any other south or Central
American state, then We make oursel YES
as directly responsible for violations OF
international rights aud laws committed
by those states as thu general govern
ment Ia responsible for the act o. any
one Of these United States that is hostile
TO foreign power or auy Of It's citizens
assuming, as we must, that ia the
particular Instance under discussion
Nicaragua is wrong, then II the lingo
contention - correct. Great Britain can
call on us TO repair the wrong which IL
alleges was done 10 It's snbissts We
cannot say 20 European powers that they
must no hold a weak government
responsible for its acts unless we are
wiling ourselves to assume that re
sponsibllty