The Dakota chief. (Gann Valley, Buffalo County, S.D.) 18??-1913, 1895-03-28
A COMMON EXPERIENCE.

Showing hat an Ounce of Illness FREE.
quentIy Costs Many Pounds of Cure.
If 1T We're only as easy u matter to
cure n cold as it is to catch one, it il
not at all likely that enough money
would shower into the Golfers of the
patent cough-medicine man to enable
him to live in Il gilded palace by the
sea in summer. and luXuriate In u song
full orangery during the winter season.
And If it were so easy to cure Il cold,
every other man you meet would not be
telling you of the never-failinS remedy
that cured his. and advising you To
purchase IL bottle at once if you would
be restored to your normal condition,
and again be in the enjoyment of a
first-rate appetite.
About five minutes after / emerged
from the slush into which | had been
projected on the fly by an unkind,
scowling fate. | began to wheeze like
Il secondhand cOncprtina with chafted
bronchial tubes. until my respiratiOns
in sound were not unlike those Of mus
lin being frantically torn by Il dry
goods clerk ut the close of Il busy day.
The cold was not painful. except when
people looked at me in the cars, as if
they thought. from the noise, that the
wheels in my head We're sorely in need
Of Oiling.
| began on whisky and Q%uinine. 1
don't know how much / consumed. but
| do know that for Over Il week l felt
like Il multi-milliOnaire, and imagined
that | owned all the sky-Scraping edi-
fees which doomed up in my rosy Wis
ion. | never before knew how much
solid happiness lay within the easy
reach of all. Still my cold grew worse.
but l was so happy that l didn't notice
it. simply bought another bottle and
o it hot and cold. but it would not
cure anything but blues. | was adj
ylSed by one man to use mustard Dlas-
ters, but these | declined because the
element of pleasure was lacking. To
be consumed by Il mustard plaster and
not cured was something too horrible
to contemplate. Mustard is all right
for the stomach when taken on IL sand
witch. but FASTING it on the stomach like
a circus poster does not make one feel
like a lotus eater floating on a silver
cloud. Another man advised Il Turkish
bath-a remedy which | tried at once.
Lying down on the marble slab, l i'm
agined / was being borne through 4:
grove Of olive and citron on the back Of
Il lazy camel, while languid scents and
dreamy melodies filed the air like q
gentle benson. The lush syrups of the
East made me drowsy. and lulled me to
Il sweet fOrgetfulness of outstanding
accounts until l walked in the glamor
OF an Arabian night. l was masSaged
with turpentine and alcohol until |
felt as supple rs Il greyhound, and |
dreamed on softest lounges till life was
paradise. But still the cold held on
with the iron grip of Il corporation. And
so l shifted from the bottle to the bath
from the bath to the bottle, and fire..
quently combined the two, but it was
all in vain. The transports of wealth
and happiness which were mine were
~devOuring the contents of my pocket.
book, even as Il hOt-air furnace devours
coal, and felt that l must, p~erforce,
haul in my financial horns.
Alas! we new take the trouble to
nip Il cold in the bud. but prefer to let
it go away itself. like Il dissatisfied ser.
want girl, or else pluck it when in full
flower. Mine had reached the latter
state when | plucked it and pinned it
in the buttOnhOle of the past last week.
What did | do? Why. | did what l
thought l ought to have done at first,
and saved Il lot Of money. even if /
lost a lot of joy. ven to IL doctor and
was thoroughly cured in two days by
Il prescription that cost % cents.-R,
X. Munkittrick in Puck.