davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14
when the COnfederates Discovered
the Lord was Yank They
Quit Fighting.

Governor Matthews is telling a
good story he heard in the South re-
Gently. In a valley in the northern
part OF Georgia, between two noun
tains which shut out all communica-
tion with the outside world, there
lived an old planter who, while an
ardent adherent Of the Southern
cause, was too badly crippled by in
firmities to shoulder a musket and
march barefOoted. But he had a
son whom he sent and after the bow
had disappeared down the road the
old man waited for the news Of the
strife. Occasionally rumors of south
ern victories would float over the
mountains and the old man-Uncle
s., he was would rejoice and
take an unusually large dose Of mint
julep. AT other times when reverse
news came and 1t was reported that
the Gray had been turned back, the
old man would bitterly lament and
use the same remedy for grief and
sorrow that he used to quiet his joy.
Through it all he had abundant
faith in the ultimate victory of the
confederate army and any doubt ex-
pressed would meet with a stern re-
buke.
The years wore on and news failed
to arrive. The valley was deserted
and there was no one to learn the
course of events. The old man
smoked his pipe and waited impa-
tiently for news. One morning as
he sat on the front porch with his
pipe, far down the dusty road ap-
peared the form Of solitary pedes-
trian. Gradually he approached and
the feeble vision of the aged planter
recognized his long-absent son. The
puffs from the pipe came thick and
fast but this was the only sign of
eagerness or nervousness displayed.
The gate swung open and the soldier
walked up and sat down on the steps.
Mornin', Jim," said the old
man.
Mornin', pap" was the quie,
response.
"Shot?"
mop"
"Sick?n
"No'p."
The old man reached behind him
for stout club, which he used as a
cane. "Jim," he said nervouly,
"Jim, ye didn't desart ?"
No, we're whipped. Lee has
surrendered with his army and we
uns all laid down our guns.
The old man Jabbed with his cane
at a fly for minute and then looking
up with troubled expression asked |:
"Jim, how'd 1t happen
Well, pap, we uns all fit our best
an we guv 'em He'll as long as 1t
was an even shake; but we uns all
found out 'at the Lord wus yank
an 1t wus no use. We uns all laid
down our guns and cum home"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14
NUMBER 25.

"THE complaint Of the farmer Ia
proverbial," said a gentleman, yes
terday, "and a season in which he
would not be able to find some cause
for it would be extremely rare. I
have just come from the West, where
L had occasion to visit great num-
Der of farming districts, and must
say l have never seen such crops AS
they are having there this year.
One farmer was showing me the re-
suit of fine growing weather and SUI
perior skill in cultivating when 1
said to him:
Well, you ought to be satisfied
with such crops as these. There is
certainly nothing lacking. You
have no cause for complaint this
year,
The old farmer scratched his head
and stood in meditative mood for
a minute, then hesitatingly replied:
Well, you know, such crops as these
is pesky hard on the soil.'"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

"MY goodness, Uncle Joe, who
shot you in the back ?"
Well, I'll tell you. / went down
In the field to kill polecat. 1t got
to the haystack and around and
around we went, the cat just little
ahead and always out Of sight. L
couldn't get shot, so 1 just bent my
rifle barrel around to suit the curve
of the haystack and fired. 1 killed
the cat but the bullet came on around
and hit me in the back"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

The best wearing, most stylish, and
the greatest value Of any $500 Mems
Shoes on the continent.
Best calfskin, dongola tops, solid
leather soles, with all the popular toes,
lasts and fastenings, and Lewis Cork
Filled Soles.
Each pair contains q paid-up Acci-
dent Insurance Policy for 300, good for
30 days.
Wear Lewis Accident Insurance Shoes
once and you win never change. The
insurance goes for "full measure
Talk with your dealer who sells Lewis
Shoes.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

A WITTY editor's pen has manipu-
lated the following.
Who weeps when you are sad,
and laughs when you are glad, and
smiles when you are mad--the edi-
tor. Who has to be both kind and
wise, and never (hardiy every lies,
and when he does, creates surprise
the editor. Who owns heart as we'll
as cheek, possesses spirit proud yet
meek, and lives on forty cents a
week--the editOr.o
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

Ibid you trade any when you
wuz ter town." asked Silas Oat-
bin.
eyes," replied Farmer CorntasseI {;
"some,"
"How did you come out ?"
"'Twas what ye'd call stand-off.
l gave feller counterfeit fifty-dol-
lar bill for gold brick.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

WELL, Billy, they scratched
you off of that jury"
" Yes. At first 1 thought I'D get
mad, but when l looked over tn,
part that was left and the part that
was scratched off, 1 concluded
would rather go with the scratched
jurOrs.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

ROAsTER--You must understand,
sir, that it has always been my motto
in life to follow truth.
Toaster-Well, old man, let me
tell you that you will have to change
your methods little if you ever
hope to catch IL.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

SHE WAS HIs.--She knew he
was going to propose. There was a
strained look about his four-in-hand
tie that clearly betrayed that.
Antigone," he commenced, 81
ask you to become my Wife"
She glanced at the third finger of
her left hand, then clasped both
hands together and lowered her eve
lids to an angle Of forty-five degrees.
" But" he continued, CT feel that
ought not to deceive YOU"
The angle was raised to sixty, but
she answered not.
Z" l am not what seem to you /;
you are completely mistaken in me.
The man you have pictured me to
De, and have nothing in common -
"Go on" she said coldly, her
eyes now open to the fullest ex-
tent.
" However," he went on, desper-
ately, "l am going to lay my inner
sell bare to you, come what may.n
Well," she said, in one dull.
heavy monOsyllable. He shiyered
II had the tone of funeral knell.
u am not model man." he re-
sumed, with an effort. 81 am not
even ordinarily we'll behaved. l
smoke, drink and bet-often. Tread
French novels and 60 to burlesaues.
Hoof gardens attract me, and 1 pre-
Ter farce comedy to Shakespeare. /
have even fiirted with living pictures;
nay, l have"
Good gracious! How you fright.
ened me-" she interrupted with q
sigh of relief. 81 was afraid Won
were going to say that you did no,
care for any of those things"
Then burying her face In his four.
in-hand, she whispered:
"4ou cannot shake me, darling
/ am yours"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

WEST VIRGINIA BAR.-In the
course of long practice at the bar
many amusing incidents occur in
court under the notice of the lawyer
and l give the following actual oc-
currence illustrating Irish wit to the
vest Virginia Bar, the child of the
Bar Association Of w. Va.
Many years since a case was on
trial in the court in which l prac-
ticed in which the title to certain
property of the decedent was in
question, a son claimed that his
father in consideration of certain
matters on his part had given him
the property and that in pursuance
ne had taken possession, and to main
tain this, introduced an Irishman,
Patrick O'C., who testified that he
and his little boy landed at Philadel-
phia and came to Pittsburg. Finding
no work that suited him he and his
boy came on down the Ohio river
until one day beside the road he saw
an old gentleman and asked him for
work on the farm, the old gentleman
said: "l do not own this farm, /
have given it to my son there in the
field, go to him." Patrick said he
went to him and he hired him and
he worked for him many years, and
q most excellent gentleman he was.
The attorneys for the plaintiffs and
defendants were both Of Irish par
entage. The testimony of Patrick
O'C., was regarded as important and
the first question asked him by the
attorney for the plaintiffs was -
' Patrick, did you know any of the
O'S's in ireland (the name of the
defendants attorney ?") "Faith an
l did, sor," said Patrick, "and q
large and respectable family they wor
but they had dropped the 0 out of
their name." The attorney on the
other hand then took Patrick in hand
and asked him: Patrick, did you
know any Of the O'K's in Ireland ?''
" Faith an 1 did," said Patrick,
"and large and numerous thri6e
they toor, but ould England trans
ported many of them to Botany Bay
for her good and many others of
them were hanged for sheep stealing
and there's not so many O'K's in
ould Ireland as there once was"
1t is needless to say the claimant
Of the property won his case.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

A SMALL boy had taken the prize
for an exceptionally well-drawn
map. After the examination the
teacher, little doubtful, asked the
lad:
"Who helped you with this map,
James ?"
"Nobody, SIR"
"Come, now, tell me the truth.
didn't your brother help your"
"No, sir he did it all.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

THE Confederate veterans residing
in New York city are about to erect
shaft with suitable inscriptions in
a Confederate lot in one of the ceme-
teries of Brooklyn. 1t is gift of
@. B. Rouss.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

JUSTICE "Call the next case.
bailiff."
Bailif: "The next case, yer
Honor, is a case o. liquor"
Justice: "lIet the case he opened
an If Ii amt any better than the lia-
nor we've been havin' aroun' here
I'll fine the whole business for con-
tempt o. court and adjourn till Sun
day."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14
Lumber isth', Shingles, sssa.liags, %.
JAMES II. HOKE.
WHITE Pine, stlluCE AND OAK
LII MBER.
DEALER IN

HE will fill orders at reasonable
- prices. STEAM SAW-MILLS
at Hart g Run, Greenbrier county, and
Dlnlap, Allegheny county, Va.
Jommissaly Stores kept on hand.
y, Postofices- White Sulphur Springs
Greenbrier Co., w. Va, and Gala
ghan's, Allegheny Co., Va.
Feb. 28-ly.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

"A LAWYER in a court room may
call a man liar, scoundrel, villain
or a thief and no one makes a COM
plaint when court adjourns. But If
a newspaper prints such a reflection
on mans character, there is a libel
suit or dead editor. This is owing
to the fact that the people believe
what an editor says. What the
lawyer says cuts no figure.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

AN agent called at 30 different
houses in Kingwood recently and
asked, "Is the boss at home pr
There was no man at any of the
houses at the time, but 81 of the wo-
men who answered the doorbell
promptly replied, " Yes, sir; what
do yo want ?"-King,cood Arq,ls.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14
SOMETHING YOU WANT

JOHNSON, Omohundro & Co. q Giant
Coats, at III. Il. Bells.
JOHNSON, Omohundra 81 Co.'s Giant
Oyershirts, extra long, at II. T. Bell g..
JOHNSON, Omohundro d Co.'s Crys-
tai laundried, Colored Shirts, at III. L.
Bells.
JOHNSON, Omohundro u Co. % Re-
gent Shirts, white, unlaundried, at H.
L. Bells.
JOHNSON, Omohundro q Go. q Re-
gent Shirts, white, laundried, and Crys-
tai Shirts, white, laundried, at H. II.
Bells.
JOHNSON, Omohundro 81 Go. q Tiger,
Regent, Conqueror and Monarch Over
alls, extra length, at III. T. Bells, Lew.
isburg, w. Va.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14
I. " Light Horse Harry"
ANSWER TO THE ABOVE.

l. Christopher Columbus.
2. Gen. Nathaniel Greene.
3. George Washington.
4. Andrew Jackson.
D. ThOs. A. Edison.
6. Alice Cary.
7. Zachary Taylor.
8. Daniel Webster.
9. De Soto.
10. Thomas jefferson.
IL. Benjamin Franklin.
IL. John Quincy Adams.
13. John G. Whittier.
IA. Pocahontas MRS. Rolfe.)
15. Lafayette.
16. j. G. Fremont.
II. Abraham Lincoln.
18. Henry Clay.
10. Lieut.. Colonel Baily.
20. Gen. A. G. Smith.
81. Ulysses 8. Grant.
%. Eli Whitney.
70.
"a. Ethan Allen.
zoe auhli ul Il dEIdkut.
26. General Sheridan.
27. Gen. Israel Putnam.
%. Samuel F. B. Morse.
20. Patrick Henry.
80. Gen James Wolfe.
81. Capt. John Smith.
32. Sir. Walter Raleigh.
33. Samuel de ChaInplain.
"a. Ponce de Leon.
35. Horace Greedy.
36. John Cabot.
81. Queen Isabella.
38. Washington Irving.
80. Roebling.
40. William Penn.
Al. Magellan
AZ. Captain Lawrence.
43. James G. Blaine.
Al. Gen. William Henry Harriso
45. Harriet Beecher Stowe.
46. Oliver Hazard Perry.
AZ. Stephen A. Douglas.
48. Frances Marion.
40. Charles COtesworth Pinkney
so. Henry Lee
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

"YoU were poor boy in college,
weren't your" ..0
Eyes; had to work my way
through by teaching"
What did you teach ?''
"Poker, principally
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

WILL you think of me when Pm
gone asked Mr.. Linger sentimentaily
as the hands of the clock moved to-
ward IL. Certainly, replied Miss
Kittish. How soon shall I have an
opportunity to begin thinking.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

YOUNG WIFE-How lovely it
would be if all things in this world
would work in harmony.
Husband-My, yes For instance,
If coal would only go up and down
with the thermometer.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

A YOUNG lawyer talked four hours
to a jury, who felt like lynching him.
His opponent, a grizzled old profes.
sional, arose, looked sweetly at the
Judge, and said: "Your honor. T
Will follow the example of nv
young friend who has Just finished.
and will submit the case without ar.
gument." Then he sat down, and
the silence was large and oppressive.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

"ARE abbreviations proper ?"
asked the young woman.
cit depends" replied the mother,
" on which you have reference to,
the English language or a bicycle
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

THE plainest features become
handsome unawares when associated
only with kind feelings, and the
loveliest face disagreeabe when
linked with i'll humor or caprice
People should remember this when
they are selecting face which they
are to see every morning across the
breakfast table for the remainder of
their lives.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

"YoU certainly have selected the
loveliest spot in the cemetery for
your husbands grave" said the cler-
gyman, consolingly. I'm sure he
would be gratified."
The widow shook her head
" John wasn't that kind" she said,
doubtfully. "He was one that
never was contented with his lot"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

" 1T may be Weakness" said the
dying editor, but can't help but
feel grateful to this town."
What for.n
For life enough to leave it.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

GENIUS Is great enough to make
all things great that IL touches.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

IF you give the devil his due YOU
might give yourselves away.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

LABOR is the divine law of our
existence; repose is desertion and
suicide.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

The world wouldn't be fit to live
In IL all OF us were milllonaires.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

MOST people, like clocks, show In
their faces the result of their works.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14

A WOMAN is irresistible only when
she doesn't know It.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-11-14
VIRGINIA. THURSDAY EVENING, NOVEMBER

HAD BEEN THROUGH THE Mill,
"When healthy hut hardup lookiup
man struck me for dime as / crossed
City Hall park the other afternoon
l said to him:
Why do you hang around New
York and live in this way, when
you could at least earn your bread
and clothes out in the country?'
In which direction, for instance. ~
he asked.
Why, go over among the Jersey
farmers. They must want help this
time of year.
do you know anything about the
Jersey farmers?'
Not much; but some of them
would surely give you board and
lodging to dig potatoes or husk
corn"
They would, eh?' he smiled
My friend, don't you bank on the
Jersey farmer if you don't want to
get left. 1've known him for these
last ten years. See this scar on NV
head? Dye notice that l limp in
walk? See how my nose has been
broken? IF dared to peel of here
l could show you the scars of twenty
different dog bites.'
Is the Jersey farmer to blame q,
| asked,
You are dead right he isv was
the reply. 'I'll take my chances
with trolley cars, police, bicycles,
mad dogs, runaways, cloudbursts
and cyclones, but l don't want to
run up ag'in no Jersey farmer
'What's wrong with him?'
: never stopped to find out. In
deed, l never had time to stop.-
About time l got through the gate
and had my tale of woe worked up.
the Jersey farmer and the JERSEY
bulldog made it their business to
jump me over the fence and run me
into the next county. Why, I've
been found dead OH the Jersey high
ways fourteen different times, and
there's no givin' figures on the times
i've been mortally wounded! No.
Stree! Tell me to go to Halifax if|
you feel a friendly interest in me,
but don't try to work no JERSEY
farmer job on the undersigned !"
The Portland daily press., 1895-05-08

which is let down on the sounding line,
deep sea explorers. The density Of ocean
water Of different depths and in the
different great ocean currents is matter
of moment to scientists in determining
important submarine questions. To OBJ
tain a specimen of water at a depth, say,
of Is, 600 feet, with all of its Tree gases,
and hiring it to the surface without al
lowing these gases to escape or the water
to mingle with other water, was 1mpos-
sible until the invention OF metal water
cup so arranged that when it descends
into the briny deep for several miles or
SO the resistance of the water during the
descent keeps open the valves of the cup.
When the cup is stopped ut the desired
depth and is being pulled to the surface
the resistance of the water sets in motion
small propeller arranged on the upper
side of the cup. This propeller forces
shut certain valves of the hollow cup and
locks them, and thus the water is Sc
cured in what amounts to a hermetically
sealed metal bulb, which holds it's con-
tents in tact until opened by the scientist
in the laboratory either on board the
Albatross or at Washington, whittier the
water specimens are sometimes sent for
a mole elaborate analJ sis than is usually
carried on on shipboard.
These water cups are strongly built.
They need to be in order to withstand
the great pressure of the water several
miles below the surface. This pressure
is hundreds of tons to the square inch.
One of the cnriosities on the Albatross
is a heavy glass globe filed with water
This hollow glass ball was let down to a
great depth III the ocean until the water
was literally forced through the pores of
the glass and the ball was thus filled.
On account of this water pressure it is
necessary to inclose the mercury bulbs
of the deep sea Thermometers in a sec
ondary glass case, which is also filed
with mercury, and thus any possible
pressure on the mercury bulb which in
dicates the temperature is taken up by
the secondary or protective bulb. With
out such a protection the readings of
the thermometer would he very inaccu-
rate, as the pressure OH the temperature
bulb would force the mercury beyond
the point to which the temperature of
the water sends it.
FIVE MILES UNDER THE SEA.
The statement that there is no life be-
low an ocean depth Of three miles has
been refuted by the experience Of the AL
batross. Sometimes, when deep sea fish.
accustomed to live in the high pressure
found at great depths, find their way up
ward to depth where the pressure is
lessened very materially, and then en-
deavor to return to their deep homes,
they cannot do so because their bladders
under the lessened pressure become SO
expanded that the fish are unable to
overcome the resistance when endeavor-
ing to swim downward. Conseq quently
the fish soon floats to the surface abso-
lutely helpless.
The Portland daily press., 1895-05-08

FOR SALE-At South Paris. Oxford county,
Maine, At miles from Portland, ,on line of G.
L. r. three trains daily. the 21a story Queen
Anne dwelling house, known as the Shurtef
residence. Lot contains about Az acres: l
acre in lawn. .21a acres in field and shrubbery
acre in forest trees consisting of about 90 large
Pines and few Naples. Thesresidence stands
on plateau about so feet above the surround
ing country; it was built and finished in a SUI
perior manner under the supervision OF +. d.
Fassett, architect The main building is 4ox3S
closets for China, silver and linen. Also, large
pantry. Six chambers on second floor. Hall
ways 10 feet wide. Stair case and lower hall
finished in solid cherry. Steam heat, bath room
and water closets. Fire places in parlor, sitting
room dining room and chamber. House piped
Tor gas, cemented cellar, large copper tank in
attic. Water service from Lake Norway, Ia
miles distant, and 200 feet higher than the resi-
dence. Piazza feet wide on all sides OF the
og house Building faces the south. Drainage
and sanitary condition perfect. The Lite An
droscoggin River runs through the village, af-
fording fine opportunities for canoeing and boat
ing. Lake Norway abounds in black bass. -Four
churches in near vicinity, Congregationaist.
Universalist, Baptist and Methodist. The new
county buildings are located here. The drives
around about cannot be surpassed. ANY one
having predlsposition to throat or lung troubles.
and unable to endure the bracing dampness OF
salt atmosphere, would find this high and dry
altitude very beneficial to them. There are ex-
fish and vegetables. An abundance OF pure
milk and sweet cream can be had at all times.
This property will be disposed of at low price.
For further particulars apply to BENJAMIN
f. HARRIS, No. Boyd Block, 17612 Middle,
cor. Exchange street, Portland. ap1dH
The Portland daily press., 1895-05-08
The 18th Maine Battery Association.

The following circular has been is
sued:
Arrangements are being perfected for
our reunion in Portland, June 2lst next,
being the Both anniversary Eof our mus
ter out. and it is earnestly hoped that
every member Twill then be present who
can possibly come. The 2lst occurs on
Friday and it is arranged to have a
two days meeting. beginning on Thurs
day, the Goth, and closing on Saturday,
the 22d. thus remaining two nights in
camp, where every posi- BILE thing will
be done to make this reunion an enjoy
able one. The wives and children of the
members are also invited, and care will
be taken to make them all welcome to
this anniversary celebration of our mus
ter out.
The reunion will be held in the COM
modious buildings of the 1st, 10th and
Goth Main. Regiments on Long Island, in
the beautiful harbor of the Forest City,
and reduced fare will be asked, and will
undoubtedly be granted, on all the rail-
roads leading into the city.
Warren o. Carney, Howard Gould and
Charles G.lKerney, the Portland mem
bers of the executive committee, are ac-
lively at work making all necessary prep
arations.