davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning times., 1895-11-24
MISTAKEN IDENTITY.
Great Difference Between Stealing
and Innocent Accident

The other day at Moutezuma while two
citizens were conversing at the depot, a
| negroapproacheda and addressed oneof them
| as follows:
"Kurnel, h'ar yo' wants to git man
| out on de plantashun."
Yes, l want a man out there" replied
| the colonel, as lie looked the negro over.
"Seems to me I've seen you before"
Reckon not, sab. I'ze new roun' here.''
| But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere.
| Let's see. l was over at Perry the other
| day"
| Yes, sab, yo' was ober to Perry"
| nd While there / called at the jail :"
Yes, san. yo' called at de iail Dey has
| got powerful nice jail ober to Perry"
And while at the Jail saw a coIored
| man who was serving sentencefor stealing
| u hog"
mo doubt of it, kurnel Yes. yo' dun saw
| Guild person right in dat Jail at Perry"
"A nd you are the man. said the colonel,
| as he i1id his hand on the negro's shoulder.
Jes' so, kurnel-ies' so. was right in dat
Jail at Perry. au' L dun members of SEEM
| yo' pass along. Curious what a mem'ry
| some white folks has got in dcir heads"
But you don't suppose | want q man
who has been in jail for stealing, do you?"
exclaimed the colonel
mo, sab; no, sab. OF co'se yo' don't.
OATS what Tze here to displain bout. Yo'
pusson who dun stole de hog was asleep
when yo' called. / wasn't in dat jail for
stealin' no hog. rze no such man as dat"
Then what were you In for?'
why, dey said dem two bags er cotton
seed meal what dey found in my cart was
tooken from de depo'"
"Oh, see. Wei, what's the difference"
whats the difference Heaps o. differ
ence, sah On de one hand, I'ze loadin' up
bari o. salt arter dark, an dem bags ies'
tumbled into my cart while my back wuz
turned. On de odder hand, a pusson goes
out by daylight an runs hog aroun' de
woods for nfer two hoU RS before he cotches
hind leg. 'Scuse me, kurnel, / did reckon
I'd like to work on yo' plantashun, but IL
yo' am de sort o. man who can't see d differ
ehce between pusson restin' in jail to
obieege de jury an bein' sent to Jail fur
stealth hog / Couldn't trust my rcputa-
shun in yo' hands. Good mawnin', kurnel
good mawninI''-Atlanta Constitution.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
what Mich, uonrao

As to the danger OF running up against
this country, these late mishaps to big
vessels are warning to foreign navies 10
keep off.-Philadelphia Times.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
Loves Sacrifice

She scraped an acquaintance with Dudeling,
in play,
Then married him. out of Irritation;
Then she raked, and she scraped, for many
a day
To save them both from starvation
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
Same Old Story.

Now that" said mother rabbit, lis a
bGy-a young man"
Little rabbits: What a Tunny luoLinp
Creature-''
Mother rabbit: "Yes, my dears. He
doesn't look much like rabbit, does hep"
Chorus. "ia, la, hal No-o-o!'
Mother rabbit: mo, he don't But his
brother is around the hill, hunting for rab-
bits, and pretty soon he will see the young
man through the bushes. take him for a
rabbit, and shoot him. My children, al
ways respect the amateur hunter. He is
our friend.'-CIeveland PlaindeaIer.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
His One Error.

George William" sneered Mrs Dash.
niger, the new woman, did you not tell
me before the election that you just
swayed the people at viii by your elo
quencc?"
You Just ought to have seen me, Mol
lie! Seemed to have hypnotic infl--''
And that they gactuaily hung ON your
words
"Y-yes-''
Then why did they So suddenly drop
away from you on election day?"
why-I must have made a
break, in my words. Cleveland Plain
dealer,
The morning times., 1895-11-24
Rather Difficult.

soldier leaving barracks is stopped
by the corporal of the guard.
You cannot 90 without leave
81 have the verbal permission OF the
captain"
'Show me the verbal pcrmission.'-oak-
land Times.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
In the Dime Museum.

Bearded Lady, don't think the Circas-
sian Princess is any better than she ought
to be.
Adipnse Lady-Neither do I. Just think
how she pulled the India-Rubber mans
leg.-N. Y. World.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
A Matter of Accent

sapsmith-The first thing the phrenologist
said when he began to examine my evan
ium was: What a head!'
Grinlsha w-Are you sure he did not say:
what, 4 head?''-Trdth.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
Awea In1n Silence

The stage is certainly great educator.
What else could impress Capt. Anson, the
ceaseless tOrmentOr of umpires. so that he
could not talk?-New York Journal
The morning times., 1895-11-24
ANYTHING and Everything.

"Wot1l l do with this burglar alarm
Biii-take it along?" asks burglar number
one.
Second Burglar-Yes, slip it into the bag;
We can get something for it'd. Bits.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
She Had Heard Something.

They don't have any policemen in the
country said the little girl who had Just
returned to the town.
Il didn't see any" added her little bro
ther, who had been with her. ''but heard
Cousin Annie say something about a hazel
cupse about u mile from the farm."-N
Y. World.
The morning times., 1895-11-24
The GouIds' Extensive Purchase

Count Castellane is said to be running
through the Gould millions so rapidly that
1t is possible that the fares viii soon have
to be raised on several American railways
in order to keep him in pocket money.-Phil-
adelphia Item.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04
TO SINGERS.

The girls who put up my Medical
Discovery all go to our Warren Street
Methodist Church and two of them sing
with great pleasure to themselves and
others. One of them came to me one
day. saying. "Dr. Kennedy, l must
tell you what good the Discovery is
doing in our church."
"Glad to hear that" said I.
swell" she went on, when | was
so hoarse last Spring, you said ii
seemed like INWARD HUMoR and ad-
vised me to begin at once with the
Discovery. | did so and in one month
the hoarseness was all gone and my
voice had improved so much several of
our church mentioned it. Of course
l told them you had advised the Dis
covery and 1 was taking it. In fun,
one Of the girls said, | want to try it
too. and the fact is that the whole
church, | might say, found out that
kENNEDY's MEDICAL Discovery
would cure their threats and pimples
and many other troubles"
"All due to Inward HuInor." said
|, and that S what | explain in my
little book which | send to any one
who asks for it, and my Medical Dis
covery is sold in your town
Yours truly,
DONALD KENNEDY Roxbury. Mass
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.

@
Tidal waves win often acquire aveioo
fly of one thousand miles q minute.
To the residents on other planets,
that is, Of course, providing there are
such beings, our earth isa bright blue
this on account Of the cerulean hue
of our atmosphere.
A F~renchman declares that vegeta-
Ition can be aided by electricity. Pota-
tees planted in tho path of the electric
current grew enormously, and electri'
fad tomatoes became ripe eight DAYS
bafore the others.
The snake worm is the name Of d
small creature which, when alone, hat
almost 40 power Of locomotion. Large
numbers of them, by forming a close
rope-like procession, move with ease
from place to place.
A remarkable discovery has been
made by Professor Emmerich, He
finds that the blood of an animal which
has recovered from an infectious dis
ease can cure another animal suffering
from the same disease, and the discov.
cry is likely to prove of the greatest
Importance.
An ingenious continuance for record
ing sunshine is the recent invention
of Professor Marvin. The professos
describes the instrument as consisting
in principle Of a Leslie differential aif
MISUNDERSTANDING, however, be-
in , used to separate the air in the two
bulbs, and the whole thermometer il
designed In the form of q straight
tube, having a bulb at each end.
Experiments have been made with
aluminium for horseshoes by q Penn.
~sylyania manufacturer within the last
few months. Methods and machined
used with steel had to be modified 4
|Ettle first. The shoes are light. OF
course, but they wear rapidly, not last!
ing over q week or ten days on q dirt
road and breaking easily. The expert!
menter thinks thnt possibly an alu-
minum alloy uiigat be more serVicea'
BILE.
Insects that spend most of their lives
IN D pOTplu OF 69ml-bOEpiu COuuAslOu hie
not always killed by being frozen. In;
stances are numerous of travellers in
the Rocky Mountains finding butter,
flies above the snow-line frozen stiff.
When carried to q warmer climate or
into a cabin they often completely rel
vive. Their normal vital power is sd
low that q degree of cold that would
prove fatal to other creatures does mob
kill them.
The decorations OF walls prove to
have a very important influence upon
gas bills. From recent figures it has
been calculated that with the different
decorations a room would be equally
Ilighted by the following candle powi
ers: Black cloth, leo; dark brown
paper, eighty-seven; blue paper.
ssventy-two; clean yellow paint, sixty J
clean wood, sixty dirty wood, eighty ;
partridge paper. twenty; whitewash,
Is. Only about one-sixth as much IL
Illumination is necessary for the whites
washed room as for the Same roo
|papered in dark brown.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04

1t Is said that Theodore Lee, o wei.
ro-do, though armless, msn Of Tacoma,
Washington, is encouraged to hops
that his missing member may be re-
placed by arms, not wooden, or cork,
or rubber substitutes, but real arms oil
flesh and blood and bone. He has been
going about among the surgeons OF tho
East, and they think that if he can
persuade some criminal condemned to
death to sell him a pair of healthy
arms they might succeed in grating
than Il him. As to the method Of
NrAftins I'M arm, hi. Lee has been in.
f6<msd $hat the splice would have to
hi mAd8 inst above the elbow joint,
wh<fe there are practically only two
niue 4 main artery, and only one
nerv4. lssa MI. Log Ia found a per-
son VIE viii submit ID the operation
they viii hare to 30 brought together
in such 8 positionsAs to permit of tine
arms Of both, which are to beoperated
upon, being placed in plaster casts, so
that they cannot be moved. Then it
is proposed to cut the back part of
DObn VIC hims, hlSO CutbihS hhloaSh
the bone. The arm that is to be
grated to Mr.. Lees stump, or that
portion of it that is cut away at the
first operation, is to be adjusted and
fastened to the stump and allowed to
remain until 1t heals, and there is
evidence of circulation between the
stump and the part that is grated on.
The second operation will be the cut
ting of the remainder of the inside
portion Of the arm, together with the
artery and the nerve. This operation,
however, is not to be undertaken until
the surgeons are satisfied that the cir
culation through the part of the arm
grated on is sufficient to nourish and
support the new foI EARN. This would
be asoertained by placing q ligament
on the arm Of the erson who was con-
tributing the new member above the
elbow and shutting off the blood which
was flowing though the artery into his
own arm thrc ugh that portion that was
not already tut of. Mr.. Lee is now
looking Tor somebody with a healthy
pair of ANS TO sell. New Orleans Pic
syunls
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04
A Queer Horned Snake.

Some time during the first or second
week Of june of the present year, tht
children of Mr.. Sol Benson 70 vel
known farmer who lives even mile
north OF Knoxville, Iowa, and whose
postofice ADDRESSES at the above named
place) came home from school ant
made the startling announcement tina
their teacher had killed q snake with
forked tail. Sol does hot claim to BIT
'sap" in "snakeoloev." but he says j,
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04
"a Fair Face Cannot Atone for an Untidy House
Use
SAPOLIO
Long Wait for a Lover,

The old German proverb, "Alts
liebe rostet nicht," or "True love never
dies" was exemplifed the other day in
the neighborhood of Zwickau, where
two persons turned sixty entered the
bonds of matrimony. In their youth
full days they were engaged to be mar
led, but separated. The now
married "young" man, in the
year 1868, happened to be in the com
pany Of another young fellow when
lome unfortunate word passed be-
5ween them and a gendarme, and the
latter, in a scrimmage, received a fatal
blow. For his share in the transaction
this young man received a sentence of
thirty years deprivation of liberty,
which expired last year. He thereupon
sought the whereabouts of his early
V and found her. She had waited
'atiently for his return, had remained
,rre to him, and they are now man and
Sife.-Londcn Daily News.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04
HVmoR Of THE Dsl


Copper bottomed--The National
currency.
The Cherokee strip vas formerly q
acalp-Dallas News.
Imitation Is i fattery that woman
doesn't relish in matters Of dress.
1t ism pride that makes . man in an
attic look down on his neiahbors.
sThat Just Ills the BILL" said tho
robin as he seized q fat worm.-Lowell
Courier.
IA Kicking q mnn when he is down is
~son9etisnes the only way to make him
Get up.-Puck
Hitch your wagon to a star if you
viii, but look to the strength OF tho
harness.MPuck.
The street payer isn't far wrong in
characterizing his work as beneath
him.--BuEalo Courier.
q. allus wonder if the fish feels as
big as he looked to the fellow who lost
hin. Fair Puck.
4 gentle maiden, young and fair
OF 1oveiinesz q dream,
And she Just dotes on--no, not mo,
Bat cararneis and cream.
New York Herald.
There's d married mans scheme to
abolish seal fishing altogether. No
aeals, no sacques.-Meridan Republic
can.
Horsedealer-s1 always pick my
customers. Friend-"Do you? I
Was told that you skinned Them
Brooklyn Life.
Thieves may break through and
steal, but they can never rob the tele-
phone girl Of her rings.-People's
Home Journal.
II Is interesting to seshow sorry the
man who vent to the country for a
vac&tion and the man who stayed home
are for each otaer. = Washington ST.
10 love in d cottage she didn't deInnr,
Her tasts quite inclinsd her 10 that
The only occasion for worry to her
N3a NV
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04

The readers of this paper will. be pleased to
that science has been able to cure In all its
stages, and that is eatarrh. Halls Catarrh
Cure is the only positive cure now known to
stitutional disease, requires q constitutional
treatment. Halls Catarrh Cure is taken in
ternally, acting directly upon the blood and
mucous surfaces Of the system, thereby de-
stroying the foundation OF the disease, and
giving the patient strength by building up tho
constitution and assisting nature in doing its
work. The proprietors have SO much faith in
its curative powers hat they offer One Hun
dred Dollars for any case that 1t fails to cure.
Send for list of testimonials. Address
+. J. CHENEY g. Co., Toledc,Q
~ Sold by Druggists. 75c.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04

One Of the great manufactures OF
household furniture in Grand Rapids,
Mich, employs a woman as chief de-
signer of artistic furniture, and pays
her a handsome salary.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04
Arc o Nervous.

Are you all tired out, do you have that tired
feeling or sick headache2 You can be relieved
sfall these symptoms by taking Hoods sarsapa'
lila which gives nerve and bodily strength.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04

A steam Jet casts buta slight snaaow,
but if it is given q charge of electricity
it takes an oranse-brown hue and its
shadow is very dark.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04

mr. nsepa, 4 onancs :.
koF ysnny W. not over
a gsassss ssis
Aa' nothin'
ss.sn'sa
calf said Mrs
st When ]
md saxafrax
yybody. ]
lin to.v
I'm allay,
'ss'isr''
lis new build
in to dinner.
,Srt as usual.
stting there
brace mp,
There ain'i
aged three
Eows' hnu
Ts.ras1 i,
90. { expect I'll hey to keep
her hired man, what &fth the new
an Of oxen and the tobacco fields. !"
'snny looked up qzickIy.
IN yDu golh 70 keep no neis
N 5as9sr
gu ~ Maie dropped MS twoi
r,o1a there never was = nirea
nv e snls houss, ana mere never
naxe snree men, ia,ner.
sansf ms mouse
cdapaksa7sere Iarn, y y
WA epoksap Senny' mosnei
a 6 1lMs I :
WI damosass asls 49,.
60 oss Ap sxom sne saDie IN
ists . {. 1919 -.
sma y1
MD oWh ousi,
~
snlansS OF r.,
ssasssaeeQEalne 70 its SIZE
Aas 4sae Gan 81
= z snAn say no'h'
iase u re evening when M.
l~o.alplos 30 Z suse
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04
Sounding the Deep Sea.

A method Of sounding the deao &c
/ withoas o line las been devised b,
John Munro. It consists in droppin
lead containing a cartridge whicl
xplodes on striking the bottom. TIL
ound Of the explosion is received b,
submerged microphone apparatu
communicating with the ship. III
lepth is estimated by the time occu
lied by the lead in sinking to the bot
ON. A very ingenious method of ae
omplishing the same end was EN-
,ioysd in Sir William Siemen's bathy
latsr. This instrument was intende
) sound the deep sea without o lin
trough the varying attraction 9
ravity on . mercury column produce
' the different depths of water I'M
.ernsath it. The bathymeter wa
lied on q cable ship, but given up be
ause it was too sensitive to the L
ace waves. Chicago Record.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04

Ylso's Cure for Consumption has no equal as
/ Cough medtcine.-F. NJ. ABBOTT, 3S3 Sensea
st., Buffalo, N. Y, May Q, 1894.
The Penn's Grove record., 1895-01-04

02O
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-07-22
SNAP SHOTS AT HOME NEWS.

Prof. II. Samuels went to Lawrence
Lawyer E. A. Austin has gone to Cali
f0rnia
The chances of any more base ball this
season are re- Mote.
The Valencia bog case is still on trial
in Justice Furry's court.
The Topeka lodge of Elks took in four
new members Saturday night
The Topeka galloper. Murphy, won
his race at Kansas City Saturday.
The council committee on streets and
walks will hold meeting tonight.
1t is a Second ward society belle who
seals her letters with chewing gum.
It has not rained for two whole nights.
Mr.. jennings returned today, however.
There is a man on the police force who
refers to cases of "suicism" Why not?
There is an old-fashioned man in town
who likes to talk about the "Eariff ques-
ton"
The chinch bugs held another conclave
in Topeka yesterday. They swarmed in
the air.
The remains of gorilla were found
in the Capitals wind cave early Sunday
morning.
Recsivsr Hubbard of tho Hamilton
Printing company will file his report in
few days
The only case of scarlet fever about
Topeka is in the family of Frank Will
lard in Potwin
Andrew Jackson was fined 81 and
costs Saturday by Justice Furry for AS
saulting Ewing Page.
The Giants made it three straight from
the Kansas Citys by winning Saturdays
game in a walk, 10 to 8.
The reform school potato patch ACROSS
the road from Rochester cemetery, has
been taken by the weeds.
Malcolm Williams is now leading man
at Hopkins theater in Chicago. Charles
P. Elliott is the manager.
There is a man in town who boasts tn at
he has read the Bible through "from
Genesis to Deuteronomy"
The Topeka equal suffragists have
thus far failed to take action on the fact
that next year is leap year.
P. l. Bonsbrake spent Sunday at Ex-
celsior Springs, where Mrs. Bonebrnke
is staying for a short time.
The last $25, 900 of the $4,000 court
house bonds will be sold August Let by
the county commissioners.
II think I must have somnannia, -
said Topeka man last night. "Pm get
ting so cans sleep nights
Rev, John A. Bright is said to be con-
fined to his bed in Pennsylvania where
he went recently for his health.
About half the Santa Fe people who
moved to Chicago from Topeka wish
they were back in Topeka again.
Itnever occurred to anyone until Sat
urday what an appropriate place tbs
slime kip is to commit suicide in.
High mass was observed at the Church
ofsths Assumption yesterday morning
for the mother of Mr.. G. J. Devlin.
The county commissioners will ope1
bids for the furniture for the new court
house tomorrow morning at 9 O'clock.s
There will be no more rain this year
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-07-22
LINKED sWEETNESS.~
But 1t Was Too "Long-Drawn-O to
Agree with the Ostrich.


One of the family Of twelve ostriches
attached to Sells circus, which has
been wintering at River Front Park.
went to his long home yesterday,
victim of curiosity and a voracious and
indiscriminate appetite.
About 1 o'clock yesterday one of the
circus attendants brought a lot of
chains and whiff1etrees from the upper
floors and threw them down in front of
the ostrich pen. All of the chains
were attached to the whiff1etrees except
one, which lay loose among the pile.
The attendant left them lying there for
while, and after he had gone away
one ostrich, more curious than the
others, caught sight of the shining
chain. Quick as a flash he darted his
long neck through the bars and seized
the chain in his bill. He threw it into
the Enclosure, and his companions stood
cycling him curiously to see what he
was going to do with the chain.
They were not left long in doubt.
He at once began to make meal of il.
Link by link it disappeared down his
elastic oesophagus. It was very evil
dent that the task was no easy one, for
before he got it half way down he
seemed to repent of his bargain. But
he would not give it us, and finally i
disappeared altogether. The bird
looked around as if in triumph, but its
triumph was short-lived. In a few
moments he was seized with par
oxysms of pain, and, as all ostriches do
when sick, he lay down on his stomach
on the floor of the pen and stretched
out his neck as far as it would reach
Mr.. Sells happened to pass through the
animal department and noticed the po-
sition of the bird and at once surmlsed
that he was i'll. AS the usual troubles
! from which these birds suffer are 1ndl-
gestion and similar complaints, Mr..
Sells gave him the customary remedy
a large dose of castor oil. This, how
ever, had no effect on the bird, which
continued to show signs of distress.
Nothing that was done gave him any
relief, and within a half hour after
| boiling the chain he turned over on his
/ back and gave his last kick.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-07-22
The Best Parrot Yarn Yet.

A man whose niece had coaxed him
to buy her a parrot succeeded in getting
bird that was warranted a good talk
er. He brought it home, and, after
putting it in a cage, stood before it
and said: Say uncle, Polly!' The
bird did not respond, and after repeat
ing the sentence dozen times or more
with no better success, the uncle put
his hand into the cage. and, grabbing
the bird by the neck, shook him until
his head wabbled around all the time
yelling to him: Say uacfe, goll darn
you, say unclev The bird looked
limp and lifeless, and, Disguised with
his purchase, the old fellow took the
parrot out into the yard where he had a
coop of thirty chickens. Thrusting the
half dead bird in with the chickens he
exclaimed: There, by goshl You'll say
uncle before you get outr' Next morn
ing the uncle went out to see how the
parrot was getting on. Looking into
the coop he counted twenty-nine dead
chickens, and in the center of the GOOD
stood the parrot on one foot, holding the
thirtieth chicken by the neck and shak-
ing it till its head wabbled, and scr cam
ing: Say uncle, goll darn you, say
Nnclev'