The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-30

One Of the best story tellers in the Gus
tom house is Col Dudley r. Phelps, chleI
OF the law department, says the New y ork
World. Like Collector Kilbreth, Col;
Phelps stories have the merit OF actual
experience. Col. Phelps never tells a
story twice. He told one altogether new
last Saturday afternoon when business
was done and the young civil service
clerks hac folded up their desks and gone
home.
.'One Of the funniest and most perplex-
ing situations l have ever had to con-
front in my Office here" said the colonel
turned up several months ago. one
very dull autumn afternoon a clerical
gentleman Of especially solemn Eien came
in He introduced himself as AIr- so and
So, whom I knew TO be the pastor OF one
OF the most fashionable churches on Fifth
avenue
- You are the law officer. I believe, sir. -
said the distinguished gentleman
shut the door. said the reverend gen
tleman hastily.
The door was shut.
o. Lock it
1T was locked.
50 'sh-h. said the Fifth avenue pastor
I m a smuggler.'
q why. my dear sir. it can't be posi-
True. indeed, sir said the reverend
gentleman, wiping away a tear. And l
viii frankly tell you the story
Last June my congregation voted tnat
l should have a vacation, and they de-
cided that l should take trip abroad,
s sin was I'VE very mg qeshted ana Two
daughters, two lovely girls, sir on my
voyage with me-
. Now, my dears.' said 7. Now my
dears, mind you. No smuggling when we
oh. papa said they. everybody
smuggles. That's half the fun of trip
abroad and they were such good girls,
sir-such very good girls But they prom
ised. And we went abroad and we had a
delightful time
% Then came the time to return. We
Now. my dears,' said I, L must again
warn you not to smuggle.
50 But everybody smuggles, papa said
Now. my dearsr I said. promise me,
and they said, We promise, papa, we
won't smUggle.
We had a beautiful voyage over, sir
a charming voyage. And when we ar
rived off Sandy Hook l called my two
daughters to me. and l said
Now, my dears, promise me you will
not smuggle.'
d" But every woman on the ship is
smuggling said they, and it's such fun.
The customs officers examined our
baggage, and l was proud, sir, that they
found nothing contraband in my daugh-
ters' trunks. Now, sir, ii has always
been my practice to kiss my two darlings
goodnight when bedtime comes. SO 1
stole up to their rOom-and imagine my
surprise. my CONSERVATION, my shame
sir. There sat my two lovely girls rip
ping out the lililS VI NY bNGlNodts anu
pulling therefrom, sir yards and yards
of fine lace-Duchess lace, they called it.
1" oh my dears! said /, you promised
me you would not smuggle. Oh, think
of the shame of it.
d" We didn't smuggle papar said they,
you Struggled, and here is the lace, sir.
l smuggled II. Let the dreadful conse-
quences be visited upon me, sir; but shield
them-for they are two SUCH good girls.
Here il is sir And he poured into my
lap a great bundle of lace.
Il tried to calm the old gentleman, y
continued Col. Phelps, for he had worked
himself up into a great state of excite
ment, and 1 told him that under the cir
cumstances / thought the government
would take no action in the matter. The
duty, ! told him. would be only about
$50, and Uncle Sam would probably waive
that in the case of two such lovely girls
such very good girls. So 1 returned him
the lace But he insisted on paying the
duty. Then ! told him il he insisted ne
might send $50 TO the conscience fund.
The next day a messenger brought the
coed mans check for $50 for the con-
Science fund -