Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-04-15
JUST FOR FUN.

The woman who laughs in hel
sleeve in these days must develop {
loud tone, or her efforts will be lost
choir, after fine musical effort
was surprised to hear the preacher
announce as his text, ''When the up
roar had ceased"
Clerk" How long will you be here,
STRIP Guest-"What are your rates?''
Clerk Five dollars day. Guest
"About five minutes
A minister startled his audience by
saying, Il have forgotten my notes,
and shall have to trust to Providence;
but this evening I will come better
prepared"
A girl should be given an allowance
every week, if it is not more than 80
cents It will teach her how to handle
the great sums intrusted to her care
when she marries.
Minister you say that you saw
some boys out fishing, Sunday, Bob
bic. hope you did something to dis
courage Them" Bobbie-"Oh, yes,
sir. [ stole their bait.''
81 PROPOSE" began the deliberate
old lawyer who called around to see
a young widow on business, when
his vivacious client exclaimed, II
accept.'' They are now partners.
Hoods Pills cure liver ills, biIiousness,
indigestion. headache. A pleasant
All druggists.
cts sure thing that Blanks has
lost his mind" "Well, it reflects a
great deal of credit on his doctor"
''Great Scott! Why ?'' ''That he was
able to discover the loss of so tiny
thing.'
Church Treasurer why do you
limit your contributions to nickel ?
Don't you know that the Lord loves a
cheerful giver ?'' Brother Amen
ooh, yesl And that is why I give only
a Nickel
"Papa, do you think that God helps
those who help themselves ?" eyes,
why not?" Because man broke
into a window and helped himself to
some jewelry the other Gay, and was
sent to prison for it.'
Murdoch-"O mamma See the
carriage wheels making such success
full rebellions!' Mamma-"What do
you mean, dear?" Murdoch-"Why
mamma, teacher said that revolutions
are successful rebeliiOnSD
eyes, we had a frightful expert
ence," said the returned traveller.
"Have you any idea how it feels to be
hemmed in by ieebergs? " | think
have,' replied the other. II once
attended d five o'clock tea in Boston,"
Mother" Johnny, on your way
home from school stop at the store
and get me a stick Of candy and bar
Of SOAP Father-''What do you
want of stick Of candy?" Mother
THAT'S SO he will remember the soap"
Deans Rheumatic Pills absolutely cure
rheumatism & neuralgia. Entirely vegeta
BILE. Safe.
81 don't believe in that proverb,
Marry in haste and repent at LEISURE
said Cynicus. "Why not?" asked
Ritterhouse. cit strikes me as being
good.' ''Ah," said Cynicus "but you
forget. The married man has no
leisure.'
Mamma" said Willie, "do you pay
Jennie fifteen dollars a month for
looking after me ?'' "No, SIXTEEN"
said mamma. t'She is a good nurse,
and deserves it.'' "Well, I say, ma,
I'll look out for myself for ten. You'll
save six by it."
"For what were the Spartan soldiers
distinguished ?' asked a teacher in
the Cambridge Latin School the other
day. ''For their bravery in BATTLE"
answered the sixteenyear old. "They
never went off the field till they
were dead"
Jones found Smith engaged in Wig
orously polishing his shoes. "What
are you doing that for? [ thought
you always wore patent leather"
''These used to be patent leather"
replied Smith, painfully bringing his
spinal column into it's normal posi-
ton, "but the patent on them has ex-
PRED"
Tapley's Bread Winner outwears all 9TH
er shoes.
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