Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1895-01-19
CUPID SPOILED IT.
Jimmy Carstone Married the Widow
Harpinger. But Married In Vain.

Harpinger. But Married In Vain.
Over in Linthieum the postmaste>
died n short time ago, and while suei.
an event is about as extraordinary as
resignation from such a source. still the
people Of that village would have sur
vived the dispensation without much
worry but for subsequent correlated
happenings.
The postmaster had been worthless
sort of fellow, whose only claim for
the position was that he was the father
Of eight helpless children and was toe
lazy to work. After his accession tc
Office his wife presented him with
ninth pledge of her love; so. when he
died. the larger taxpayers of the com,
munity concluded it would be more
economical to let the government sup
port the widow than to have her
charge upon the county. Consequently
they busted themselves in her behalf
drawing up petition which they
caused to be numerously signed and
forwarding it in haste to their con
gresham.
All might have been well for the
widow but for old Jimmy Carstone, d
relic of the Mexican war, whose many
acquaintance had utterly wearied OF
maintaining him in chronic inanition
and who had decided to work him off
upon the post Office department. AS 8
result of this contest OF interest feeling
ran high. Jimmy and his partisans
were denounced as most unfeeling
wretches who were seeking to take
bread out of the mouths of the widow
and fatherless. while Widow Harpin
gers forces were roundly charged Will.
lack of patriotism in opposing the gal
liant veteran of a glorious war. This
order of things, or disorder rather, con
tinued for many weeks, until the com
munity was completely torn up. Small
boys scratched and bit over it, families
divided upon it, and wives threatened
to separate from their husbands; good
deacons so fell out that they refused to
speak to one another upon the street.
The pastors of the two village churches
voted themselves long vacation and
took it. in order to avoid becoming ir'
relnediably lost in the contention.
Petitions and counter petitions were
forwarded to Washington and the con-
gresham was driven nearly crazy by
the mail he received from Linthicum.
He replied in piteous entreaty, urging
upon the warning factions to come
to peace if they would save the
party from utter ruin.
Jimmy Carstone, having all the
-, h. could al lA,,Df Tod
ly and much over the situation, with
the result that he finally decided upon
a magnificent coup: at least he so re-
garded it, for he chuckled very audibly
for many minutes aftcrward with the
greatest satisfaction. Giving his scant
hair an extra touch or two with his
brush and regretting he had not Sun
day-best suit, he deliberately called
upon his + air rival.
"Widdy Harpinger," he began blunt
lv and in a most businesslile manner,
thars but one way outen this we're
muss. You an me must get married.
Laws, Mr.. Carstone," simpered the
widow, AN Luke Harpinger only been
dead lessen two month"
"Widdy, this yere government haint
erwaitin' fur nobody. Folks is so sot
that the only way ter harmonic is fur
us ter come together"
Jimmy was not eloquent but he was
very earnest, with the result that on
the following morning he and the
widow walked over to Squire Bcnson's
office, where they were quickly made
man and wife. Every one was de-
lighted at the diplomacy of Jimmy and
the happy issue out of the snarl; 50 q
merry surprise party organized that
evening and burst upon the bride and
groom.
While thus assembled and all were
pretending to listen to q long story
from Jimmy concerning the heroic and
prominent part he took in the battle Of
Churubusco, boy brought in tcle-
gram for Squire Benson, who had
been master of ceremonies. The sender
was the congressman and the message
read:
"Despairing of harmony between fac
tons have named Peter liaggerty post
MASTER
Jimmy is now trying to get an attOr
ney to institute divorce proceedings, as
his wife promptly upon receipt of this
intelligence bctooll herself and nine
children to the poornouse. Chicago
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