Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-11-28

TZ0l/:ts.sNs::; So Z.
"'Tis 10 p. m.," the maid exclaimed,
But useless did 1t prove
| He didn't seem to understand
That p. M. means please move"
Truth.
why, professor, you have two UNI
brelIas"
That's all right. Icxpect to lose one
Of them.v-Flfgende Blaetter.
VIII somebody please tell Ms why
our lawmakers are never arrested for
passing worthless bills ?-B Boston Tran
| script
Wasn't the bride delightfully."- tim
Id" very. She was even shy ten
years when it came to giving her age"
indianapolis Journal. M
Shelf had my live to live over
again He--T thought that's what
you were doing; yoa said you were %.
-Yonkers Statesman.
A mine is like woman's dress;
OFT when you hunt around,
1t takes year or two before
The pocket can be found.
New York Herald.
by Jove, left my pocketbook under
my pillow" "Oh, well, your servant IL.
honest isn't she?" That's just it.
she'll take 1t right up to my wifev'--
Chicago Record.
acknowledgements, If anybody
calls am in to nobody. Servant (sotto
voice)-Well, this is the first time I
ever saw you when you weren't into
somebody.-Philadelp Record.
Marriage, we own, is lottery,
Yet here q great difference lies;
There are times when we do not envy
The man with the capital prize.
Judge.
Henry" said Mrs. Peck, Il am going
to get a bicycle" Dear me-" said Mr..
Peck, mildly, isn't one man enough
for you to run ver?-Indianapolis
Journal.
Young Wife lat the fancy balD-
You're improving wonderfully as
dancer. Don't you remember how you,
band-Y-e-s; wasn't buying 'em then.
Boston Globe
Papa (enraged)-Why, Constantia,
daughter, I've never, in all my life, seen
as soft green, unsophisticated, spoony
an idiot as young Puddington- Mann
ma temphatically)-I have!-Cleveland
Plaindealer
Il can see no reason" said the S. p. p.
A. boarder, why 1t should be thought
advisable to dock horses tail" Prob
ably" suggested the Cheerful Idiot,
''they are locked for being behind
indianapolis Journal.
'I'm sorry now, mamma" sobbed
Bobby, that / stole those apples"
"Oh, yes" said his mother, "your con-
science hurts you. does it?' NO" re-
turned Bobby, ''it's my stomach that
hurts. New York Herald.
Miss Antique-People are always
talking Of self-made men. / wonder
why they never speak of a self-made
woman? Miss Austere = Because a
self-made woman generally doesn't like
to have 1t known.-Harper's Bazaar.
When he asked for her hand she re-
piled, mo, George; my heart,is quite
at your service; but think had bet
ter keep my hand myself. 1t might be
useful to me in case you couldn't sup
port me-. you know."-Boston Tran
script.
IT'S now, alack! the toothsome chestnut
falls,
Where'er Jack Frost has laid his chill
ing hands;
And that, forsooth, paradox recalls,
For ON the streets you'll see the chest
nut stands.
Philadelphia Record.
Daughter-This piano is really my
very own, isn't 1t, pa? Pa-Yes, my
DEAR "And when marry I can take
it with me, can II" Certainly, my
child; but don't tell any one. 1t might
spoil your chances. New York Week
ly.
Father-You may as well give up
thinking about that young man, Dash
ing. He does not love you. Daughter
How do you know, papa? Father--I
met him at the club just now, and he
refused to lend me a fver.-Boston
Globe.
Hell come here so frequently that
I'm beginning to think that you look
upon meas sort Of chestnut roast
ed chestnut, as 1t were. She-No, not
a roasted chestnut. When a chestnut
is roasted it pops.-Cieveland Plain
Dealer.
New woman aspires to reach mans POSI-
ton,
But she'll not catch the man, we're
afraid;
For when she's attired to her cherished
arhbition u fs4g4f6ft
The new woman will die an, old maid.
Judge.
Il wonder" said the man who was
about to start to Atlanta, ''if I'd bet
ter take heavy overcoat along?"
"You will not need It," replied the man
who had been there, "but you'd better
take a heavy pocketbook. Chicago
Tribune.
Housekeeper-You don't look as IL
you had washed yourself for a month.
Tramp-Please, mum, tn doctors say
tn proper time to battle Is two hours
after meal, and / haven't had any
thing you call meal In six weeks
New York Weekly.
-----------------------
Various Uses for Mushrooms.
Some European species of mushrooms
L.