The Washington bee., 1895-09-14
THE REMORsELESS BARBER.
Experience of a Lecturer with the Hail
Trimming Fiend.

Ddi DSI lOI YOUR uSI-
On the 4th of December l was N Bus
ton. thinking about lecture | was eX-
pected to deliver in the evening. and
so badly scared that l couldn't re
member the subject nor what it was
about | went into a fremont street
Institute of Facial Manipulation and
TonSorial Decoration" and inquired
for the professor who occupied the
chair Of Medieval Shaving and Nine
teenth Century Shampoo. One of the
junior members of the faculty, who
was brushing an undergraduate coat
pointed me to a chair, and | climbed
in. When the performance was about
concluded, the barber said to me:
Have your hair trimmed, sir?'
| believe not.
Needs it very badly, SIR he said;
looks very ragged"
| never argue with a barber. / said:
''AIl right, trim it little, but don't
make it any shorter"
Immediately he trimmed all the curl
out of it, and my hair naturally, you
know, has a very graceful curl to it.
L never discovered this myself until
few months ago, and then l was
very much surprised. l discovered it
by looking at my Autograph.
Well, anyhow. he trimmed it.
On the 9th of December l was at
Bath, Maine. Again l was shaved.
and again the barber implored me to
let him trim my hair. When | an
wered him that it had been trimmed
only two days before, he spitefully
asked where it was done. 1 told him.
and he gave expression to a burst of
sarcastic laughter
well, we'll, WE'LL" he said at last,
$50 you let them trim your hair in
Boston. Well WELL Now you look
like man who has been around the
world enough to know better than
that"
Then he affected to examine a lock
or two very particularly, and sighed
heavily.
Dear, DEAR" he said, 81 don't know
really, as could do anything with
that hair or not; it's too bad
Well his manner frightened me, and
told him to go ahead and trim it.
out please not to make it any shorter.
"No," he said, 'oh, no, it wasn't
necessary to cut it any shorter; it was
really too short now, but it did need
trimming"
SO he trimmed" it, and when l
faced the Rockland audience that
| light. 1 looked like prize fighter.
In four days from that time | was
| sitting in the chair of a barber down
| in New York State. He shaved me
| in grateful silence, and then thought
fully run his fingers over my lonely
hair.
''Trim this hair little, sir?' he said,
| 'straighten it up about the edges"
| l meekly told him l had it trimmed
twice during the preceding week. and
| I was afraid it was getting too short
for winter wear.
EYES," he said, che didn't know but
what it was pretty short, but you
didn't need to cut it any shorter to
trim it. 1t was in very bad, ragged
shape at the ends"
| l remained silent and obstinate, and
he asked me where / had it trimmed
last. I told him and he burst into a
shout of laughter that made the win
dows rattle.
| "What's the matter, Jim?' inquired
an assistant partner down the room.
holding his patient in the chair by the
nose.
| Jim stif1ed his laughter and replied:
"This gentleman had his hair trim
med down in Maine"
There was a general burst of merri-
ment all over the shop, and the ap-
PRENTICE laid down the brush he was
washing and came over to look at the
Maine cut, that he might never for
get it. | surrendered. Trim ii Il
little, Them l groaned. "but, in the
name of humanity don't cut it any
shorter"
"No.' the barber said. she wouldn't
make it a hairs breadth shorter
When l left that shop. if it hadn't
been for my ears. my hat would have
fallen down clear on my shoulders.
When | reached the hotel. everybody
started, and q couple Of men got up
and read a handful on the wall. des-
criptive of a convict who had recent
Iy escaped from Sing Sing. and looked
from the bill to myself very intently
That night several of the audience
drew revolverS as | came out on the
platform.
Then l went to Amsterdam. y. Y
The barber of that sleepy village
who. in the interval of his other du
ties acts as mayor of the town, and
edits the local papers. undertook tC
shave me with a piece of hoop iron
he pulled out of his boot leg. When
resisted he went out into the Kitchen
land came back with a kitchen knife
land q can-Opener. and offered me ms
choice | selected the can opener. ana
he began the massacre. remarklng III
cidentally that he used to keep good
sharp spoke shave for his particular
customers, but he lost it. Then 1t
said my hair needed trimming. very
badly. | protested that it was in
POSSIBLE, it had been mined three
times within ten days, and was as
short now as business man on tht
1st of January.
oh he said, sit wasn't too short
and beside there wasn't no style about
lit at ALL" He could give it some
shape. however. he said, without max
ing it any shorter.
So | surrendered and told him t.
shape it up. And if that foredoomed
abandoned. Amsterdam son OF az
oakum picker didn't go out into the
woodshed and come back with Il rusty
lold horse rasp and began to file away
what little hair l had left. He allow
ed a few shreds and patches to re
main. however, clinging here ant
there to my scalp in ghostly loneli
ness. l rather feared that my aD
nearance that evening would create {
panic, but it did not. | observed tina