The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-04-10
A DOLLS FUNERAL.


I'm tell you what--let's play funeral"
sHow?''
"Well, we can play that my Josephine
Maud Angelina dolly died, and that we
buried her.
''That will be splendid. Let's have her
die at once.''
Immediately after the death of jose
phine Maud Angelina her grief stricken
mother said:
Now, Katie, we must put Grape on the
doorknob to let folks know about it. You
run over to our house and get the long
black veil mamma wore when she was in
morning for grandpa
Katie went away and soon returned
with long black mourning veil. 1t was
quickly tied to Mrs. Stoner's front door
bell. Then the bereft Dorothy's grief
broke out afresh, and she walled and wept
SO vigorously that Mrs. Stoner put her
head out of an upper window and said:
''You little girls are making too much
noise down there. Mr.. Stoner's i'll, and
you disturb him. I think you'd better
run home and play now. My husband
wants to go to Sleep"
''How unfeelingl" said Dorothy, snatch
ing up the "dead" doll and her other
playthings, while Katie gathered together
her possessions. They departed, switch
ing their skirts petulantly. They quite
1OrSOb Go bdk0 Q00 veil OH bn0 QOOrknOD.
Half an hour after Maria Simmons came
down the street and suddenly stopped in
front of the Stoners' house
GOOD heavens!' she said. eff there
amt Grape on the Stoners' doorknobI
Poor Sam StonerI knew he was i'll, but
I'd no idea he was at all dangerous. I
must stop on my way home and find out
about it,
She would have stopped then if it had
not been for her eagerness to carry the
news to those who might not have heard
it. A little farther on she met an ac-
Quaintance.
"Ain't heard bout the trouble up at
the Stoners, have your" she asked.
"What troubled"
'Sam Stoner is dead There's Grape on
the doorknob. I was in there yesterday,
and Sam was up and round the house. but
l could see that he was a good deal worse
than he or his wife had any idea Of and l
amt much s'prised.'
my goodness mel I must find time to
call there before night
Mrs. Simmons stopped at the village
postofioe, ostensibly to ask for letter,
but really to impart her information to
Dan Wales, the talkative old postmaster.
Heard bout Sam Stoner?' she asked.
''No. did hear he was grunting round
a little, butt
'He won't grunt no more" said Mrs
Simmons solemnly. He's dead
Chow you talkp'
Its right. There's Grape on the door"
'Must have been dreadful student Mrs.
Stoner was here last evening, an she reck-
oned he'd be out in a day or two well as
ever"
81 know. But he amt been we'll for a
long time. L could see it if others
couldn't.''
'Well, WE'LL Til go round to the house
soon as my Matte comes home from school
to mind the office
The news was spreading now from an
other source, and in a way that caused
those who heard it to declare that it was
perfectly scand lous" for Mrs. Stoner to
"carry on SOL
Job Higley, the grocer's assistant, re-
turned from leaving some things at the
house full of Indignation.
tThat Mrs. Stoner amt no more feeIin
than lamppost,' said Job Indignantly
to his employer. There's Grape on the
doorknob for poor Sam Stoner, an when 1
left the groceries Mrs. Stoner was cooking
joint cool as a cowcumber an singin
'Ridin on a Load of Hay loud as she
could screech, an when l said was sorry
bout Sam she just laughed an said she
thought Sam was all right, an then if she
didn't go to jokin me bout Tidy Hop
kins"
Old Mrs. Peevy come home with an
equally scandalous tale.
Il went over to the Stoners soon as I
herd bout poor Sam, she said, IAN If
you'll b'lieve me there was Mrs. Stoner
hangin out clothes in the back yard. I
went round to where she was, an she says,
jest as fippant as ever: Mercy Mrs.
Peevy, where'd you drop down from?'
81 felt so s'prised an disguised that I
says, Mrs. Stoner, this is mighty sol
emn thing, an if she didn't just look at
me an laugh, with the Grape for poor Sam
danglin from the front door bell knob,
an she says: i don It see nothin very sol
emn bout washin an hangin Gus some
o. Sans old shirts an underwear E + he'll
never wear agin. I'm gOin to lsTk 'em
up into carpet rags If they amt too far
gone for even that
Mrs. Stoner, says I, the neighbors
will talk dreadfully if you amt more
careful, an she got real angry an said if
the neighbors would attend to their bust
ness she'd attend to hers. 1 turned an
left without even goin into the house."
The Carbury Weekly Star, the only pa
per in the village, came out two hours
later with this announcement:
I'VE stop our press to announce the IN
expected demise of our highly respected
fellow citizen, Mr.. Samuel Stoner this
afternoon. A more extended notice will
appear next week. -
t'Unexpectedl I should say So" said
Mr.. Samuel Stoner in growing wrath and
amazement as he read this announce
ment in the paper. "A more extended
notice next weekr Til write that notice
myself. I'll extend it far enough to let
that editor know what I think of him.
ZIP
but how did this Grape get on the front
door?'' interrupted Mrs. Stoner. II found
it there when went out to get the paper.
1t is the strangest thing, and there's
the minister coming in at the gate. Do
calm down, Sam. He's coming to make
arrangements for the funeral, suppose.
How ridiculousp'
Mr. Havenc the ninister vvas surnrie.