St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1895-01-06
C0RKK'S CRITICISMS
On Want Ads Inserted in
the Daily News
papers.
SOME CURIOUS ENGLISH
Employed by Some People
to Express Their
Desires.
THE EXTRAORDINARY WANTS
Of Several Ladies Who De-
sire to Take in
Washing.

If you all will follow the want ads of
che daily papers for week you will
have more fun than the most frolicsome
pickaninny that was ever picked. 1t
will give you the idea that people, even
in this age of education, don't know
how TO ask for what they want. 1t will
give you other Ideas; queer ideas, lu-
dtcIOus and absurd ideas. 1t will show
You how sthe people can jump on and
kick the English language around when
they are in the mood. Some of them
who advertise here IN st. Paul are as
bad, and even worse. as the lady who
advertised Ill Chicago paper,
For Sale-A piano, by lady who is
about to leave for France with carved
legs" While nobody cared what kind
of legs the lady had, still there were no
liked to see the lady merely for
curiosity. She was no worse, however,
than a good many people right here at
home who last week played havoc with
the language in the most diSgraceful
manner.
For instance, Tuesday last woman,
who, perhaps, meant all right, adver
tiSed:
"A woman in need of money wants
two places a week to wash" Nobody
knew which she needed more, the
money or the wash. | thought of writ
ing her note and referring her to the
river as one good place to wash, and
Lake Como us another. 1t is more than
probable that she is washed by this
time, so my good Offices are unneces-
sary. She didn't need money to wash,
though, as the river is free, and the
superintendent of Como will let her
wash there whenever she desires. In
winter time, however, she ought not to
wash more than once a week. 1t isn't
healthy. Doctors have said so.
Some man advertised for young
man to study law in the office" | as
sumed that, of course, the man didn't
want the young man to study on the
sidewalk, or out in the back yard, or
even in Swede Hollow, but he might
have been more explicit. There might
be lot of young men studying law III
the office, not his office. but somebody
else's office. They might keep on
studying it, toO, whether he wants them
to or not. People might have inferred
that he wanted the young man to study
i'll the Office, and not down on the river
bank or the Bethel boat. OF course,
adding the words "in the Office" helps
out the counting room.
Another man adVarficpds
WANTED -hOuSekeeDer, to leave the
city"
Now, what business had this fellow
to want the hOusekeeper to skin out? If
there were reasons for it, he might have
been little polite and written her a
note asking her to leave. But to pub
lish 1t boldly in the daily press strikes
me as being mean, ungentlemanly, I'M
called for. l will say to that house
keeper, whoever she is, that she doesn't
have to get out unless she wants to. He
is guilty, or he wouldn't want her to
leave, and if she has such a hold on
him, such q cold, clammy lead pipe
cinch, she ought to stay here and make
the greeZer suffer. He deserves it. The
paper that he wants her to leave the
city. | hope his wife will see this, in
which case | feel that | will have done
her great service. 1t makes me indIg-
nant. and l will pause an instant to indig.
One day last week a fellow with a
long head advertised for ''y0ung I'M
married man for grocery"
WAS IN tn that cnOn | rnod II
The grocer don't want his employees
wife coming in the store and picking at
the raisins and taking nibbles at the
cheese. On, Pve seen her hundred
times. While waiting for a bar of soap
she picks up dried apples and snatches
away at the raisinS and takes a swipe
at the cheese. Then when customers
come in she talks loudly to the fresh
clerk back of the counter just to let peO-
pie know he belongs to her and he
works there. The grocer was undoubt-
eddy long sufferer. He knew If he got
married man, the married mans wife
would stand next to the cashiers desk
and guy the customers. The grocer was
wise. He was on. He's probably the
wisest little grocer in town, and [ have
saw some of the wisest'
But the prize want ad read like this:
IAN accomplished woman is wanted
TO do washing"
This advertiser is particular. She
doesn't want any everyday, ordinary
waShWCman. She wants a VaSsar grad
uate or one Of the society ladies from
Summit avenue. She wants somebody
who can play the piano or sing ballads
while waiting for the clothes to dry.
She wants some one who can paint CHI
ia between socks, or work table covers
and play progressive euChre while wait
ing for the irons to get holland the
irons, by the way, are often very hot on
the collar, Judging from soma of the in
deIlble brown spots on my linen neck
wear. She wants woman who can
trim hats, do hemmIng, paint portraits.
or work buttOnholes il the washing
isn't heavy enough to keep her busy.
She wants a woman who can wash a
shirt artistically or play banjo. She
would be tickled to hear from woman
who can knock the devil out of an un-
derShirt, or make angels food. The
chances are she won't get anybody.
don't know of single, OF married, soci-
ETY. lady on Summit avenue who really
cares to take in washing, or take it out
for that matter And | don't know of
any washwOman who considers herself
accomplished, unless it is in the way of
playing TONES with her knuckles up
and down the corrugated dashboard.
The next thing know this woman will
be advertising for talented coalheayer
or cultured garbage collector.
Last Wednesday some lady inserted
Rn advertisement reading: "Lost-A
charm; finder will be rewarded"
If this lady will take an afternoon off
aid 90 with me, I'll show her a square
full of women on the hill who have also
lost charms. They never get them back.
either. Charms never come back. ex-
cept at death, and then they are charms
only to the people who keep on living.
can show her women who have lost