Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1895-07-28
TWINS.

she reading some letters. They had
been married nearly Il year and no
cloud of unhappiness had as yet stray
ed across their path. She was a dainty
little thing, a Modernized Vatican
shepherdess. clever and bright, but in
ordinately jealous. He was big, jolly
fellow, who loved his wife deyoJedly
and who would rather have TO cut his
mustache off than to have caused her
sorrow. Both had been silent for nearly
five minutes when he looked up from
his paper.
Just listen a minute, dear" he said,
"here's 8 lcthing funny. A man mar
ried o. ct less widow and week later
discot, nat she had seven children,
while and that he was possessed
of four and now they're suing each
other for divorce"
Isn't that awful" chirped Mrs. Hen
shaw: why can't people be honest and
tell their mates what they did before
marriage? I'm sure l told you every
thing ever did"
That's a darned sight more than
did" thought the devoted Mr. Henshaw,
but he didn't say a word. The couple
had Just resumed reading, when the
bell rang, and in the course of time a
messenger entered with telegram ad-
dressed to Mr.. Henshaw. While he
signed for it, Mrs. Henshaw opened the
envelope and said:
MAY read 1t, dear?'
Certainly" replied her husband, its
some business l guess.
A moment later she gave a shrek,
turned white and then red.
oh" she exclaimed, glaring in fury
at her husband. "Oh! you-you wretch!
YOU"
why, what's the matter?" asked her
dumbfounded husband.
Matter? You villain! Read this,
and with that she handed her better
half the telegram.
well, I'll be d-dr' exclaimed that
worthy, as he read:
Boston, September 2S--To Guy Hen
shaw: Twins. (Signed)
JANE NESTS"
you villain You wretch thunder
cd Mrs Henshaw. who's Jane Mesis?
Who's the twins? You sob have Csob)
broken nv sob heart sob. I'm going
(sob) back to sob ma sob this very
(sobl minute
but my dear expostulated the
husband.
Don't YOU dear me. You've got no
right to (sob) call me dear. (Sob)
Go to your sob real sob wife and your
(sob) twins. Sob On, you wretch
yOu-"
Matters went from bad to worse, and
would have ended seriously when there
was another ring and another messen-
ger boy entered.
IT'S (sob)-it's tri-triplets,' sobbed
Mrs. Henshaw, and she burst into vlo-
lent tears.
Nom, it amt" said the messenger
boy. "The other message wuz spelled
wrong. This here one is right.
With that he handed Mr.. Henshaw
the second telegram. He opened 1t with
feverish haste. evil forebodings chasing
each other across his mind. Then he
hurst out in a guffaw and handed his
astonished wife the corrected telegram
which read: o11
shaw: T. wins. (Signed9 --,r,,,
"Why. it's from Uncle jack eX-
claimed the delighted Mrs Henshaw;
hes won his big law case. Ana she
fell npon her husbands neck and mug
qed and kissed him until the waltlhs
messenger boy exclaimed:
";IuIiy Geep'-New York Recorder.
A CONGRESSMAN'S TROUBLE.
..Arv uncle" said Representative John
Allen of Tupelo, Miss, TO a group OF
iieteners " IS one Of the best-informed
men in nv district J think great zeal
of the old gentleman. During cam
paign | got everywhere In my district
After being nominated the second time
7 resolved on a searching, what one
might call a painstaking campaign.
Reing scheduled for a speech over in the
Gar end of my district and remembering
that NV uncle abode in that vicinity,
determined to visit the old gentleman.
We were lust sitting down to supper
and the old man was purveying me a
fried chicken on the tines OF his fork,
when he remarked in his mellow ami
able way:
"Whar have you been at lately,
John?"
4 told him I'd been in Washington
for two years.
"In Washington he repeated in
tones Of establishment. Why. whatever
in the name Of Peter be you doin' in
Washington"
I'm representative from this dis
trict. I replied. I was elecetd two
years ago and have been at the CAPT
toll almost constantly since looking af-
ter the interests of you and my other
constituents
"Well l shorely wonderr observed
my uncle. laying down his knife and
fork and looking at me. Don't that
beat snakes amazin'l Why, I never
knowed that I heered how you went
down TO Texas about three years ago to
visit your uncle Bill and not nO-icin'
you around none since and not hearin'
of you sort O. reckoned you'd stayed
Washington Star.
HER VERSION.
Doctor would advise you, dear
madam, to take frequent baths, plenty
of fresh air, and dress in cool gowns.
Husband IAN hour later)-What did