The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-04-10

The crowd arose unanimously, and
prepared to do his bidding, when an
old drummer from Cincinnati said:
Don't worry. It may be worth $40
to you as lesson of caution. There
is a sucker horn every minute, aud
you happened to be along just then,
and.
ssBut how did he do itP I'd give
IS more to know how he did the
trick"
"I was fooled almost as badly last
week in Philadelphia, said shoe
man from that city. "There, how
ever, the fellow was selling soap war
ranted to take the grease out of any
fabric; also, as / afterward discovered,
to take the money out of any sucker.
he wrapped dollar bills around every
few cakes of soap, and offered them at
81 for, six. I selected six, two OF
which I knew positively contained
bank notes. The faker offered to buy
them back for So. I was too smart
for him, and going to a secluded spot,
I opened my packages and found moth
ing but SOAP
"My experience was almost as bad"
interrupted drummer from Oshkosh.
81 had very red nose from drinking.
That was before I reformed, ever 80
many years ago. One day I read an
announcement in a reputable paper,
that for S. a man in Griggsville would
send sure receipt to remove the red
ness in mans nose. [ sent the
money by the next mail. In due time
! I received this reply: TO prevent a
red nose, keep on drinking till the nose
gets blue!'"
A hearty laugh greeted this story.
Soon after that saw another ad.
in another equally reputable paper.
It read: 'For $40 I will send a receipt
warranted to prevent drunkenness,
delirium tremens, or any other ills
arising from liquor. Money refunded
in case directions fail to accomplish a
cure.
"I sent the cash, and received in
return card bearing these words:
Quit drinking Well, gentlemen, !!
took the advice, stopped drinking, and
am to-day worth 100000"
'sIn your mind" added a grocery.
man from Indianapolis. sBe careful
not to loose your mind, or you'll be q
pauper!'
'Talking about liquor" chimed in
a hat man from Cincinnati, IT regret
to say that I was a pretty hard drink
er in my time. One day I received a
circular by mail, which read some
thing like this: The attention of
men addicted to alcoholism is called
to an entirely new discovery by which
the evil effect of drink is completely
neutralized. No need to stop drink
ing, but drunkenness is prevented.
Complete direction, $25. Money re-
funded in case a cure does not follow
exact obedience to instructions.
"I forwarded the money to Nash
Vile, Tenn, and in due time received
the following instructions:
Make an incision in the scalp,
trephine portion of the skull about
| the size of silver dollar. Have a
silver cap made to cover the opening
thus produced. Whenever you feel
the hilariousness produced by whisky,
lift off the skull cap, thereby allowing
the fumes of alcohol to escape. Should
an exact compliance fail to effect the
| desired results, write to us and we will
return your money. >"
"Did you try the plau?" asked some
one.
"Not much. I got cured without
| it."
Chow SO? Gold cure?''
sNo. got married. My wife took (
me in charge, and I swore off inside Of
| two weeks.
Everybody laughed except gray
bearded travelling man from Oklaho-
ma.
"Why don't you laugh?" asked the
man from Baltimore.
"Because I was caught that way
| myself once. I saw notice in a
| daily, Send dollar and we will give
you an easy way to double your mon
ey.' The answer was, Take a s. bill
and fold it in the middle. You will
then have doubled it. You can readily
observe it increases. ;"
"You got off easily" remarked an
angel of commerce from Kankakee,
"but my greenness cost me a little
more. The other day an itinerant
xatchmaker came to my house and