The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-05-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


There are educated pigs, but there
are none who do not like mud. Rams
Horn.
In the great race of life everybody
wants to hold the watch. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
No man is ignorant who knows
enough TO conceal what he doesn't
now.-Puck.
Down on the Rio Grnndo horse
thief stole a runaway mule that no.
body else could catch. Texas Sift-
ings.
The second baby may weigh three
pounds more than the first, without
causing half as much excitement.-
Puck.
Some men, when they are dressed
up, act as if they had been caught
stealing chickens. West Union (Iowa)
| Gazette.
Literary fame consists in having
great many people know that you have
written something which they have
not read. d.-Puck.
When the weather forecaster pre-
diets a cold wave that doesn't come it
may be referred to as signal failure.
philadelphia Record.
Van Clove-"Who is going to be the
best man at your wedding with Teddy
Thoughtless?" Mas Vanderwhack-
81 am. Town Topics.
Many people who profess to believe
in the theory of the greatest good to
the greatest number, also believe that
the greatest number is No. l. Puck.
Mary had little hen;
Twas feminine and queer;
1t laid like smoke when eggs were cheap
And quit when eggs got dear.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
A modern novelist tells MS that his
hero's proud spirit was humbled in the
dust. He shouldn't kick at that If it
was the right kind. Philadelphia Rec
ord.
The Mother-"Yes, our baby
weighed twelve pounds when it was
born" The Retired Butcher deeply
interested)-"Without the bones?'-
Life.
81 want hat, but it must be in the
latest style" 'Kindly take a chair,
madame, and wait few minutes the
fashion is just changing. "-Philadel-
phia Telegraph.
Fuddy-"S Strange that the rejected
lover should so often take to drink. "
Duddy-'I don't know. 1t is only Il
change from sweet to sour mash. -
Boston Transcript.
'Is it true that Maud Makefaco was
arrested for intimidating voters?'
"Yes. She threatened to kiss every
man who would vote for Johnson. ~
Indianapolis Journal.
Blobbs-'Do you think the average
man is as stupid before he marries as
he is afterwards" Cynicus-"Cer-
tainly, or he wouldn't get married"
Philadelphia Record.
80 he's contemplating maria ye?
How did you find that out?" "He
said life was dull and he was looking
around for something in the line Of
excitement. "-Syracuse SJst.
"There's good deal that is swell
about Cholly Cadkins," said one girl
'Yes," replied the other; "the only
trouble is that most of it has gone to
his head. Washington Star.
His name was All Sin, and his face wore
grin,
As he pedaled along o'cr the pike
For he had quite craze for the "Mcligal's
ways,
And delivered his wash on "oikc."
Pack
Mrs. Young Mother was here last
night. She stayed till after II. ." Mr..
Young---"Did she say anything about
my being out so late?" "No. She
SAID she would wait till she saw You
to talk about that. "---Indinuapolis
journal.
"Only think" exclaimed Fender
son, "Of - many uses to which paper
is now putt" 81 know, replied
Bass 81 was at the theatre the other
night, and was told it was all paper.
And it was fine, substantial.lookius
structure, too. - Boston Transcript
An Eighth Ward man is writing an
article on "rhe Movement of Material
Objects Without Physical Contact
His attention was called TO the matter
by seeing an old tomato can move sis
inches TO one side to get in front Ola
man learning to ril5 the bicycle. -
Minneapolis Journal
"Auy of your boariers left you,
Mrs. Hashcroft?' asked thu butcher.
"Your meat bill this week amt more
than two-thirds what it usually Is.
"No, there haven't any OF them left
yet" said the lRulIady. "But I've
got new boarder who uses scented
hair oil "-Cjnciunati Tribune.