The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-10-23
WIGGAES WORTH.
Not Such an Easy Matter to UnhaEg
Door as He Thought.


vito take tea with us, and don't forget to
come home early, will you?'
Come home earlyf" returned Mr. Wiz
ellsworth. What you take me for? Don't
you s'pose 1 know when to come homei
Think I'm a hired girl at a dance, don't
you?'
But he was bothered at the Office all
through the afternoon and got pinned in
his chair at the last moment by tall man
in rubbers who stole past the boy, and,
just when Mr.. Wigglesworth thought he'd
got a customer, pulled thin book from
some mysterious recess in his coat lining
and proceeded to show Mr.. Wigglesworth
how great deal of money could be saved
by purchasing the book in monthly in.
Etallnents at so much per installnent
Half way home he thought of the guests,
and he broke into the front hall, his face
not and red with haste.
'Sh!' exclaimed Mrs. Wigglesworth,
rushing out of the dining room. They're
in the parlor. Oh, Ellery, what made you
SO late, and it just seems as if the oven
never would bake those biscuits, and do,
fer mercy's sake, hurry up and wash, and
don't forget clean cuffs and why didn't
you hurry?'
"Hurryi'' Kissed Mr.. Wigglesworth,
pulling his coat off as he rushed up stairs.
''Think I'm a plumber? Reckon mans
got nothing to do but run his legs into an
apoplexy to eat suppers with ministers?''
Fifteen minutes later he entered the par
lor ard greeted the guests. His clothing
was good deal agitated, and in his haste
he'd forgotten to put on a necktie.
cit rejoices my heart, Brother Wiggles-
WORTH beamed the minister, ito engage
in these interchanges Of social pleasures.
How delightful it is, >" he added putting
in . gesture, ito greet one another in our
homes, and there, in the relaxation that
proceeds fron-from-er- to
soften the the asperities of-of-er-
err
Existence, - suggested his wife.
Precisely" said tho minister, fof our
existence. Exactly"
''Oh, Ellery, called Mrs. Wigglesworth,
putting q troubled face in at the door,
Twill you please step here q moment?''
Mr.. Wigglesworth followed her to the
dining room.
what ails you now?" he growled. "Why
don't you have supper if you're going to?
Spose 1 want to stay in there ali night
with q monograph
'Evcrything's ready said Mrs. Wig
ellsworth, waving her hand toward the
table, "ard I want you to oil this door, so
when Imogene con, - in with the tea it
won't squeak so awfully. It's been driv-
ing me wild Tor a month. ,"
Mr.. Wigglesworth knew this; also that
his vito had talked about it consciously at
every meal.
''Where's your oil can?'' he said testify
"You women folks always call on d man
to do these things au just the worst times.
You save 'em up
81 wouldn't lift it off the hinges Mrs.
WiGglcsworth advised as her husband
grabbed the door with his accustomed en-
ergy.
Course you wouldn't!'' be grunted,
Juggling ut the door You'd have new
WY of your own. Side talks with girls on
how to oil doors, By Mrs Wigglesworth.
Written exclusively for The Ladies' Home
Ledger. Now is the time to subscribe. -
Lifting the door Off and leaning it
against the wall, Mr.. Wigglesworth
anoinJcd tbs hinges copiously.
"rhats ire way to do a job like that, -
he said Importantly. Don t take min
ute. and you get at the whole thing"
Then he picked up the door 1t was one
Of the heaviest doors en- that street, and
the veins CT Mr.. Wigglesworth's forehead
stood out little as he raised it up and
slid it into place.
There yoa aren' he cried triumphant
", wiping his brow.
''But the bottom hinge isn't on, said
Mrs. Y igglesworth.
"What's the reason it ain't?' retortcd
her husband Grossly.
GrasDing the ioOr-it was O wide door
and heavy-he raised it again. This time
the bottom hinge slipped on, but the up
per one failed TO connect.
Why don't you take hold here and help
out a httle?' snapped MI Wigglesworth.
Think 1 can hold 90 pound door out al
arm s lcugth all winter:''
Mrs. Wigglesworth promptly lent asz5st-
ance, pulling the door quite loose and
pushing it over on her husband.
"What you doing?" he cried. tottering
forward and back under it's awkward
weight. 'sWhy don't you take and guide
the hinges, and they'll slip on like a whis
tie -
Once more he brought his benumbed
arms into service and hoisted the dool
aloft. Its weight had increased vastly.
Mrs. Wigglcsworth got the upper hinge il
position, but when she tackled the lower
one the upper slipped off again. This was
repeated, with variations, for 30 times.
(which one Of them is the longer?'i
Mrs Wigglesworth asked with sob
Both of 'elnl" howled Mr.. Wiggles
worth, enunciating the truth that every
man discovers who tries to hang a door
''They re both of 'em six inches longer
than the other one" And he strained
afresh.
II am afraid that something is detain
ing Brother Wigglesworth, remarked the
minister, into whose countenance hat
stolen look of anxious hunger
81 can hear noise in the dining room, ,
said his wife, who for Is minutes had
/ been idly lingering the album without
turning a leaf ''Hark!''
Through the still rooms the muf1et
/ sounds, growing louder, now took theil
way, rising and falling and augmentine
! in volume. The n.ahister's wife grew pale
81 think we ought to investigate, y SHIT
/ said agitatedly. Perhaps somebody ha
1 tainted
When they opened the dining room door
the other door, the one Mr.. Wiggleswortl
was performing with, had just slipped of
again, with an impetus that sent its beare
careening across the floor. Mr.. Wiggles
worth's collar was torn out, his vest haC
ripped open, and the sleeves of his coat
worked up to his elbows, disclosed that h