Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1895-09-12
HEAR AN ASSESSOR.
HE RELATES HIS EXPERIENCE AND
GIVES A BIT OF ADVICE.

AAos " - NueeP ~ any 11lce--A SCeDe
In Upper Tendon An Appeal For
Courtesy to the Assessor.
When by telling the truth an evil is
perpetrated, then it is wrong to tell the
truth I suppose that is the reason SO
many people are doing good by telling
falsehoods to personal property assess
ors The writer is a deputy assessor in
the west town, and at present he is com.
piling book that is full Of names and
figures. The names are all right, but
the man who said figures can't lie"
never assessed personal property.
There are about so Of Us assessors,
who form in line at a m, move up
to window in Assessor Jacob NJ
Horns west town Office, Haymarket
Theater building. and get our books and
blank schedules. These calfskin covered
books contain little map Of some par.
ticular district in the great West Side
We move out to these districts and 70
to work. The town clerk registers our
oaths to faithfully perform the duties
Of an assessor" and the people we as.
sess do the rest Of the swearing. That
isn't all Sometimes they set the dog
on Us and otherwise treat Us as though
we were book agents That makes the
assessor warm, and then he interviews
a neighbor regarding property that is
not accessible. And the consequence is
people who bounced" the assessor will
find valuation placed upon their prop
erty that will cause them to think there
is nothing certain but death and taxes
Occasionally we find poverty and pi-
ano together. The piano is assessable,
and the poverty isn't. II you assess the
piano, you increase the poverty, and
there you are.
These incongruities come up, and I'M.
less you have the wisdom Of a board Of
equalization there is trouble. Speaking
about this board. I have an idea thai
they will just about double the poor as-
SCISSORS figures when they get down to
work. A keen assessor can locate every
piano in his district. If he doesn' t hear
it, everybody else in the neighborhood
has, and they tell him about it. I asked
q real nice looking lady the other day if
she had piano, and she said mo"
"Why, yes, mamma, we have" said
her little girl
The mother said: "Go into the house
this minute, you naughty girl How
dare you'll" And then the child knew she
had done something wrong. She had
told the truth to nasty, mean assessor
I went into little candy store ON the
same street. To the woman behind the
counter stated my business.
She replied: II am poor widow My
God, what will I do?" Tears flowed
down her cheeks, and she sobbed as
though her heart would break The as
SCISSOR felt so mean that he sneaked out
without asking her name.
Even the parrots are down on assess
ors. A Latin street bird told the as
SCISSOR to got any number Of times
while he was conducting the linguistic
rial ceremony.
THAT bird speaks very plainly, said
the writer.
Just hear the dear fellow. He can
say Just as plainly as can l viii
sell him for $i5. There's a bargain !"
And the lad: meant every word she said
4 paror that can cuss an assessor is dirt
cheap at any price.
This Is how they Do it On Ashland
boulevard:
Scene, front stcop of stone man
Eion- Dramatis personae, lady with
large Diamonds in her ears Negligee at
tire. Assessor with book and an oHscial
smile.
Lady-We are cleaning house today,
all topsy furry, and you cannot come in.
Assessor-So. at all necessary, my
dear madam, that I should 90 in !
have brought this book and ny imagi-
nation along, and I can see all that ia
necessary. see that this is beautiful
house, and the eye Of ny imagination
penetrateg these walls. I see grand pi-
ano, gtatuary By Throwalstere, paint
ings by the old and new masters, tapes.
tries from India, carpets from Turkey,
china from Dresden, bric-a-brac from
all parts Of the world-in short, every
thing that a lady Of your exceptional
Judgment would use in embellEhing
such a noble mansion
Lady-Sir!
Assesso9-While can hardly venture
to place valuation upon such treas-
ures will be moderate and say &l0,.
900.
LAdy-Doitif you dare. Come in and
The assessor went in and found bis
mental picture scarcely overdraIn, but
the final courtesy caused slump in the
valuation
Here Is bit II advice 70 persons who
are inclined 70 resen. the intrusion o4
an assessor. The advice does not cost a
cent, bat If you do not act upon it you
may be caused no end II trouble and
money also Throw your door wide open
TO the assessor, invite him in, give him
70 understand that you are the obliged
party and give him the information be
seeks, and 1t Is 10 To that yea win he
treated fairly, and point Or two may
Be stretched in your fayor Shut him
cut, and rs will make a record II the
tact, and in fixing the valuation ot
your properly find nothing in your ia
voR. II you 60 70 the Office with your
schedule, the fart that you refused ad.
mittance 70 the deputy ia noted, and in
that event you will pay all the Law de
nands- West Side Assessor in Chica-
60 Times Herald
Diplomatic.
Mr.. HawEm," said she, Il wish
you'd decide bet between me and Mr..
Bazrows. &c says 1t is only 500 Zee,
from here TO the hotel, and I say it IL