Birmingham age-herald., 1895-09-15
THE PROPRlETIES.
DIANE DE MORNY ENllGHTENS US
What Is Correct at the Functions Manners in Detail-Proper Play With Symbols
 of Civilization.
BY DIANE DE MoRSY

In good old English the 8Nord manners meant morals. To be well-mannered is to be lady or a gentelman-ladies and gentlemen observe punctiliousy all the laws and usages of society, which are quite as important both for our happiness and prosperity as the criminal laws are necessary for the peace and wel-being of the nation. If we defy the criminal code we go to states prison if we violate or ignore the laws of society we are sent to Coventry, and the ostracism in one case is relatively as complete as in the other. It is well to know how a thing should be done, and many a mauvais quart d'heur will be saved the inexperienced man or woman by taking the time to learn just what is the correct thing odo, and after acquiring the information by rigidly ad- herring to the practice of the social amen ities
 We are not all born to the positions we may occupy. In America, particularly, the young men have, until the past cen tury, rarely had the advantage of social training. We have been. a race of hunt CTS after the almighty dollar, and the for tunes of our most respectable families of today were founded by men who traded peltS and groceries and by noble women who were helpmates in the most minute details of life, and had little time for forms or ceremonies.
 Importance of Details.
 My grandmother used to say, There are few of us, my dear, who can go back three generations and not find an an cestor more familiar with a wash-tub or a pair of blue jeans than a tinger-boWl or an evening coat and trousers, and the time will come, l suppose, when the sit uation will be reversed and the aristo- crats of my young days will make ac- quaintance with waSh-tubS, and the blue jeans will dress for dinner 'Altri tempt altri muori.' In my case, and since first the world began, l take it, table manners have been the severest test of good breed ing. l think it was Emerson who said, 'I would rather eat with a liar or law breaker with perfect manners than with the most respectable person alive who ate with his knife and ignored the proper way of using his fork
 So long as we concede that there is a correct way of doing everyt hing, no mat ter how trivial, it is important that know just what usage has approved and that we scrupuously follow the forms prescribed.
 In my journcyings which have been extensive, have met people in high and low places, and though l speak as one with a certain authority which my ex- perience entities me to, I wish first of all to say that notWithStand l have mixed in the so-called best society," of America, I found when I first made a stay in Europe that l was woefully ig- norant of the usages of the olden coun- tries and that some of the Knowledge or "savoir faire' I am accredited with was acquired with the burning cheeks and sinking heart of the sensitive woman who sees in a moment too late to retreat that she has done the incorrect thing, and 1 shall be glad if l am so happy as to save one human being from the mor- tification 1 have myself undergone by not knowing just what to do and what to avoid doing.
 Dinner Party Etiquette.
 As dinner party is the most difficult entertainment to organize and carry through successfully, suppose we give one. you and l. you as the hostess and as.the family friend and adviser. If you will be so kind as to assume the name of Mrs Edward Blake Gardner shall be indebted to you
 You are to give five dinners during the season-two are to be very large and ceremonious, and three smaller. and, therefore, more difficult to plan. For the large dinner of say sixteen covers you must send your invitations at least three weeks in advance. The cards for dinners are the only invitations which in clude your husbands name You may use the cards, to be had of the stationer, with the text engraved and a space left for the guests name and the date. Fash ionable people prefer these cards which, for example read as follows:
 MT. and Mrs. Edward Blake Gardner
 request the pleasure of
 MT. and Mrs. Francis Hopkins Brookes
 Company
 at Dinner on Tuesday, ,Septem Der the 14th,
 at o'clock.
 No. 12 Manchester Ave.
 It is no longer considered necessary to add the R. s. V. P. respondez s'il vous plait, answer if you please). a S 1t is thor oughly understood that a dinner invita- tion demands and must receive an imme- diate answer. It is quite proper to send both invitations and answers by post, and imperative that the reply to dinner invitation be sent by the post following its reception. There is nothing more un- derbred than to keep lady waiting for an answer to an invitation to a dinner, and where the recipient of her courtesy is gentleman delay is look ed upon as a positive insult. All replies to dinl;er invitations well as to other functions are addressed to the lady of the house. never to Mir and Mrs. Edward Blake Gardner. The hosts name appears on the dinner card invitation only because at balls and other ceremonious functions the hostess is paramount and MT. Ed ward Blake Gardner may be visible and agreeable, or absent, or present and dis