The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1895-08-07
Laugh and Grow Fat.

y
ST Tuttle-"Wa-al, swowl We don't
know much erbout gas ter huml
guess ye'd better give me ker'sene."
-Pittsburg Dispatch.
eyes," said the humorous writer, as
he glanced at the balloon environment
of his sisters arm; Eyes, there should
be room in woman's sleeve for at least
one more joke. boston Transcript.
SWELL" said the camel in the cir
Gus parade, "there's some comfort for
me, after ALL" "What do you mesn2"
"My hump is pretty bad, but it might
be worse. l don't ride bicycle. y
Washington Star.
"I'M afraid" said the bicycle girl,
{" that we are getting altogether too
original in our ideas of costume" "It's
worse than that" replied her mother.
q" We are getting positively aboriginal"
Washington Star.
PROFESSOR" Can you tell me who
was Aristophanes, and how long he
lived?" Student-"I'd like to accom-
modate you, professor, but the truth is
/ don't know as much about him as you
do."-Texas Siftings.
TEACHER-"Well Tommy, you were
not present yesterday; were you de-
tanned at home in consequence of the
inclemency of the weather." Tommy
-"No, ma'am; l couldn't come cause
of the rain. lid Bits.
ELDERLY gentleman" This is a re-
markedly good photo of my sonl Very
like him, indeed Has he paid you for
it yet?" Photographer" No, SIR"
Elderly gentleman-" All, very like
him, indeed. It'd Bits.
WHEELER (who has bought a bike
do you think the bicycle has come
to stay?" Sprocket - "Well, a good
deal depends on whether you paid out
right for it or got it on the installment
plan. "-Yonkers Statesman.
"LIz," said Miss Kiljordan's young
est brother, " do you say woods is or
woods are p" " Woods are, of course"
she answered. Why?" d'Cause Mr..
Woods are down in the parlor waitin'
to see ou."-Chicago Tribune.
OLD CAsHLY giving his son cheeky
-"Now, be careful, my boy. Remem-
Der fool and his money are soon
parted" Spendall Cashly-"Yes, sir,
and thank you for having obliged me
80 promptly" -Scribner's Magazine.
"DID you hear about the burglar who
was arrested this morning?" "Nol
What forl" "Well, l suppose it must
have been for breaking into song, for
1 hear that he had got through two bars
when some one hit him with stave."
Chicago Tribune.
"ONLY think" exclaimed Fender
son, "of the many uses to which paper
is now putt" 81 know" replied Bass.
81 was at the theater the other night,
and l was told it was all paper. And
it was fine, misunderstanding struct-
ure, too" -Boston Transcript.
81 DON'T think your headache comes
from any organic trouble" said DR..
Pillsbury to his patient, after the usual
catechising. "No, it's not an organ,"
replied Mrs. Barlow. sit is the con-
slant pounding on the piano next door
which drives me frantic. detroit Free
Press.
SQUATTER "Your dog has just
killed one of my sheep" Wanderer-
she amt my dawg." Squatter-"Why,
confound you, l saw him with you at
| the statiOnl Wanderer-" I es, we
was mates then, but the last time he
worried sheep l says TO him, Bob
SEE l, 8 if ever yer let yer hunger get the
better of yer morals again, you an me
part company so yer see he's on his
own hook now" -Sydney Bulletin.
SOMETHING new, even in the matter
of " standing off" the preacher, has
been discovered, and in Kansas. When
the new dominic called on Farmer Tom
Wilson of Rock Greek, Jefferson county,
| a week or so since for donation toward
his salary, Mr.. Wilson said he had no
money, but would give two rows of po-
tatoes, each twenty rods long. "If the
Lord wants you to get $40 from me-"
said the farmer, he will water the po-
tatoes well, and 1 will be mighty glad to
have you get it; if he doesn't water
them, Pm afraid you'll not get much"