The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-07-02
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Inc ART OF DelnS
very sadly neglected, these days. In the
Times Herald Mary Abbott tells two or
three amusing instances Of this. Two or
three years ago, she writes. two authors
who were reading from their own works In
public, were coming TO supper. after their
performance, and l remember feeling Il
little anxiety as to the literary standing
OF one of the guests. In order to avoid
hurting his feelings directly. l managed
to make pointed illusions to the works
Of the gentlemen who We're coming. and
was met with perfect nonchalance and
sangfroid. He said airily at last-goaded
to madness, and l don't wonder: Il am
afraid 1t seems like ignorance not to have
read your books, Mr.. -" "Oh. no. not
ignorance" the author reassured him,
smilngly. "Well, at any rate. it's bliss
the unabashed youth retorted, lost in
shame, and ba.ted to frenzy. How diff
ferent this from the assumption of 'he
young sailor. who. when asked II he knew
the Dardanelles. exclaimed: know the
Dardanelles? Why I've kissed 'en many
q time"
GOT THE DROP FIRST:
Salvation Army eXhorter (solemnly)-
MY friend, are you prepared to die?'
Alkali Ike drawing his revolver)-"Throw
up your hands! l might have chucsed a
little suthln' into that hat II you had asked
me civilly, but yer can't skeer me into con-
tributin'!'-Truth.
When Henry NJ. Stanley visited Chicago
few years ago as n distinguished trav-
eler, he was, for him. much impressed
with the sparkling efferveseence of lady
who sat next him at dinner one night, ana
paid her (for him marked attention. That
IL to say, he did not turn his back upon
her, nor tell her to eat her dinner. The
reason for the gentlemen's fancy. he af-
terward explained lin parp by saying that
she did not mention Africa. A Chicago
man, by the way, who afterward made
things fnformal by asking the great
African explorer II he had ever been
abroad does not seem to have made the
same tender impression: but that is prob
ably as the Times Herald suggests. be-
cause there Is no accounting for tastes.
GENIUS ON THE COW:
A new poet has arisen in the west and he
writes verses like these
II never saw purple COW,
never hope to see one.
But can tell you anyhow.
I'd rather see than be one.''
1t IL related of a certain French general
who died recently that he had a very de-
voted servant to whom, though really
kind, he was somewhat rough In speech.
In the Crimean war the general was
wounded 80 badly that one of his legs had
to be amputated. and during the opera
ton, which had to be performed without
ether, the man. Jean Baptste. stood by
and howled. while the general submitted
quietly. ''What are you bowling for?"
the general presently called. "Oh. my
master, cannot endure that you should
lose your legl' "Who wants you to en-.
dure II? Can't you see that YOU will bene-
Rt by H?" what does monsieur mean?"
"why, you blockhead. you'll only have to
black one boot Otter th.s:-Youth's Com
panion.
WIT AND WISDOM:
The next thing you know there will be n
demand for q woman's edition of the pock.
etbook, and then there's going to be
trouble--Chicngo Tribune.
II woman gets what she wants TO
wear and man what he wants to eat.
there's no reason why they shouldn't live
together and be happy.--New York Re-
cofder.
The young lady who made 200 words ont
Of conservatory" last autumn has run
away from home. Her mother wanted
her 10 make three loaves Of bread out of
nour.-New York World.
When q mans clothes are too loose
there are two ways Of remedying the evil.
One II to take them back to the tailor.
Another is to get a new boarding house,
Philadelphia Record.