The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1895-05-09
WIT AND HUMOR.
Wild oats never fail to make a crop.
GUy,,sSfp,1 Negrx

One of the first things for woman to
learn is how to buy larger shoe and a
smaller hat.-GalceSt0H NeICS.
If you have a strong point in your
character don't make it weakness by
admiring it too much.-AtchiS0n Globe.
Shea woman at 30 has no future.
He-True. No matter how long she
lives she will still be 3O.-DetroU Irib-
Uile.
A man in trouble can always enlist
the women's sympathies by declaring
that the Lord is on his side.-AtchisoR
Globe
Magistrate-Do you prefer charges
against this man? McSwat-Sure, yer
honor, prefer damages .-PhttadeLPhia
Record.
An ed ben is the most exclusive of
all fowls She doesn't allow any chicks
about her that don't belong to her set.
Journal.
When people profess not to care what
becomes of them it will be noticed that
they seldom are hungry at the time
Kti1Oaukee Journal
You say we must try and get along
with only necessities and here you come
home from your club in cab" "Tha's
a-necessity." -Lye.
The world owes US all living, yet no
man can collect the debt unless he pulls
off his coat and takes it from the worlds
hide.-7eraS SytingS.
Foreman-Big sensation! There's
~ lo,-;1 op+ci1a' Edition (ol,
stractedly)-Tell him I'll settle here
afer!-4tldnta Constitution.
Mrs. OldstyIe-Is Mrs Newage at
home? Servant-Mrs. Newage is an
emancipated woman, ma'am. She is
never at home. ~ T. Weekly.
Quizly-Why is it that they, don't
want to give woman a saloon license?
Bizly-Because she won't shut up at u
o'clock Philadelphia Inquirer.
by the way, didn't you say the count
had fortune in American securities"
yes. About two millions in matrimo-
NAL bonds. "-H1dianapoliS Journal.
1T seems, sadly unused the postage
stamp that had been bought at the cor
ner drug store, that | am driven from
piller to post. > Cincjn11ati Tribune.
"She seems to get good deal of
standing among men. l wonder how
it lisp" "She rides home in the street
ear about 6 o'clock every evening. -
Detroit Tribune.
He-That's Mrs. Grimshaw, who lee
lures on bimetallism. I've heard her.
How exasperatingly clever she seems
to be! She-Yes, but how consolingly
ugly!-PHach
What is the meaning of this, Mary?
This is the second time | have found
policeman in the Kitchen" "Lor',
mum. I'm SO afraid Of the cockroa2hes. "
Pal Mall Budget.
an Blanks last play he portrays
some of the horrors Of winter in the
polar regions. Where did he get his
ideas?" Took rooms in steam-heated
flat. "-B0StOn Budget
Man Cat front door)-I want to see
the boss of the house. Houser-Walk
right up to the second-story back and
tell the nurse to show you the new
baby RiLadelphia Inquirer.
What has your representative done
SliCt TIC > Dtcl III CUu2 ICSS. W HIT
he done?" yes" Built two houses,
paid off mortgage, and opened gro
Gerry store. "--1tlant0 Constitution.
Scientificus-In the study of evolu-
ton it is Of paramount Importance that
we should discard all belief in mother
Eve. Jollicus course. She was
only side issue anyway. Y. World.
do you believe in woman's rights?'
asked the American young man. Ger
aisly" replied Lord Doddeby. My
fancee has $500, 900 in her own right.
and consider it deuced charming in
her. Washington Star
Little Miss Mugg-You needn't come
near me. Your father is in trade. He
keeps a peanut stand. Little Miss
Freckles-Huh! What's your fatherP
Little Miss Mugg-He's professional
bootblack. -GO0d NeWs.
"And did he really keep his vow of
committing suicide when he found she
would not marry him?o why, yes, in
a fashion. He drank himself to death.
20! Killed himself on the installment
plan, did he?"-IndianapoliS Journal.
Hunker-Do you think salary of
s., 900 should be a sufficient inducement
for young man to marry? Kissam-
| do, most assuredly. Show me the
woman who rs willing to pay that sal
airy TO her husband. Detroit Free Press
Wife-Why do the friends of Sanchez
say that he is such a jolly fellow? Hus-
band-Because he is always pleasant
and good-tempered; he is very oblig-
ing, spends his money freely, and neg
lects his family to shameful extent
lions Cape.
First Citizen-The spirit of anarchy
can only be found in large cities Sec
ond Citizen-Guess that's so. 4 man
never feels like Strengthening the whole
human race until he lives in a fiat. with
piano above and a baby below.-N,
I. Weekly.
4 guess Bliggins and Blaggins are
going to fight in minute, exclaimed
the man who is easily excited. What
makes you think SOP" They are both
telling each other that they don't want
to have any trouble with each other
washington star.
"Phat's the meanest ting ez kin do
to mon?" asked Mr.. Do,an. Sind
nm an anonymous letthar." replied
Rafferty,. "Begob, Oi'll do thot same.
An be way of Iettin' i'm know where
to come if he wants thrubbie, Oi'll soign
me name and address at tie bottom"
-Ipashlpgton Star.
Mrs. Perry-How contradictory all
these papers are. | can't make head
nor tail of them. l wish YOU would
come to my aid and give ME a real I'M
biased opinion of the last congress.
Mr.. Perry-All right, my dear; send
the children out of the room and I'll be-
giu.-IHdianapoIiS Journal
Here, Numbered the South Ameri-
can president, lis letter from that
Yankee importer with the word die
tated' al the bottom of it." Yes. sire"
humbly said his secretary. Have him
fired out of the country on the first
steamer. | am running all the dictat-