Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1895-10-21
FACTS AND FANCIES.

Mrs. barley George, dear, 1 went
to your tailor and told him to make the
pockets in your new clothes of asbestos
CLOTH Mr.. Darley-'.What on earth
was that for?'' Mrs. Darley-"It's Il
ireproof material, dear Mr.. barley
'Well?" Mrs. Darley-"Well, love, you
know you have often complained about
money burning a hole in your pocket. .
Harper's Bazaar.
'And you think" she murmured, ''that
we could be happy on your present in
come"
Yes replied the young man, Il am
sure of it,
"And you will not ask papa for mon
"No. Your father and 1 played poker
last night. Unless he changes his ideas
of the game, | won't have to ask him
for money. Washington Star.
Actress Ito editor)-"See here. In this
article you say [ am about to start out
on a starving tour, when | distinctly
told your reporter that it was to be
starring tour /" Editor-E'Well, you
see, he was an actor himself before he
went into this business, and naturally
he knows how it is himself Town
Topics.
Sweet Indian summer sings it's song
And the apple dumping comes along,
To fill a want long felt.
Cleveland Plain Dealer
-Tailor-"When you delivered Mr..
Slowboy's suit, did you call his attention
to the fact that it was there when prom
ised?"
Boy-'Yes, SIR
Tailor-What did he say?"
Boy-"He said he felt he could never
repay you for what you had hone fol
him. New York Sun.
Fuddy- "There goes Widow Grimes.
A great woman, that; always looking
out for number ONE Buddy" Always
looking out for number two, you mean"
Boston Transcript.
De Tanque-"You look worried.
What's the matter?'
Old Soak-"I'm thinking
thinking what?"
'Im wondering whether it's best to
be all full half the time or half full all
the time."-Philadelph Record
Counsel-"What reasons can you give
intend to hit her husband when she
threw the fatiron at him?"
Witness she did hit him.
It Often Happens.-'So you feel You
cannot marry him.?
.'Yes I am fully decided
''Why. don't you like him p
''Oh, I like him well enough, but |
can't get MIN TO propose.
The master Of a village school was
examining some boys on a piece of po-
etry which he had given them to pre-
pare the night before. They all said it
excellently except a small boy at the bot
tom of the class.
On being asked to say his lesson, he
said: Il can't remember it, sir"
Master Gin rage)-"Why, what's your
head for?''
Boy-''To keep my collar on, SIR
Beggar- Eyer haven't got 10 cents err
bout yer, has yer, boss?'
The Man-''How did you find that
out? I thought no one knew [ was
broke but myself. Syracuse Post.
"Now, Max, what did you learn in
.eYou forget. Why, look at Charley
Hopkins. He remembers everything he
learns at school, ooh, well, he amt
got so far to go to get home. "-Fliegende
Blaetter.
Why He Kept It.-1'There goes a
man who keeps his word
HE does?"
eyes; no one else will take it..
The candidate who is quite content
To be out or be in the fight,
Who'd rather be right than president
- p0' Boston Courier
Ethel-'I have just received letter
from MI. Goldberg asking me to be his
wife, and / am uncertain how to answer
it,
Her Mother (astounded)- "Uncertain!
Why, Ethel. just think Of his wealth.
Ethel-"Yes, I'm uncertain as to
whether I should telegraph my accept
ance or send it by immediate delivery
post
A Quaker small boy was overheard
telling another small boy about book
that he had just read. perhaps thee
has read it, said the Quaker small boy.
cts called Robinson Crusoe' and it's
all about the adventures of Crusoe and
his man Sixth Day."-New York Even,