The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-09-21
THE COON as A JOKER.
How One Played 1t Low ON zeb
White.
From the Detroit Free Press.

/
One evening when Zeb White. the pos
sum hunter of Tennessee. and were
sitting in front of a cracking hickory fire
he told me this coon story:
They call me the possum hunter" said
he, but l reckon I've dun Stayed as many
woodchucks, coon, skunks and foxes as
any other man in these we're parts. Sum
folks go as fur as to say that the varmints
around yere know me by sight, and
shouldn't be surprised IL it was So Yo've
heard a heap about the cuteness of the
fox, reckon
Yes. I've heard and read a good deal"
wall, thar hain't no denyin' the cute
ness of an ole fox. but circumstance once
happened to make me think an ole coon
| haunt fur behind him. Ii was about five
| airs arter the war and coons were skeerce
I around yere-powerful skeerce. That made
| cOonskins Wuth so cents apiece in cash,
| and of co'se everybody was out huntin
fur .coons Nobody had any luck, though.
| 1t did seem as If them yere cOOns had
all died off and we should never see an
| other agin. Mebbe the carpetbaggers had
sunthin' to do with It, but l dunno. l
| jest tramped and tramped and tramped,
| but nary a coon could l find"
Might have been some disease among
| en- l suggested.
wall, mebbe. I've heard tell of coon
| cholera and mebbe it was ragin then One
mawnin l got up bilin' mad and went out
| .OI
ed. The ole woman cum to the door, and
arter bit she SEE, seq she:
| . 'Zeb White, what's all this rebellyon
about?"
"'Bout coonsr'
What's the matter with coons?"
'Shuck my hide but thar haint
blamed coon left in the state of Tennes-
seer
" Wall don't be Dustin yo-serf about
| it. Three wood-chucks ar equal to one
| coon, and the hills is full of EN-.
WOO0-chnnkHf Whnnnpaf
hev coons or perish! I've bin out fur TO-
teen days with my gun and III go out
! empty-handed to-day to change my luckr
e Cum in to snack and shet up II yo'
keep whoopin' and jumpin' Providence
will be again ,yo' fur shorer'
| WALL" said Zeb, "arter brea kfast. /
started off and left my ole gun behind.
| Reckoned I'd just tramp around and look
fur signs and mebbe locate bee tree.
| Everything was agin me from the start. I
saw wood-chucks and 'possoms by the
| cart load, and / routed up three of TO
foxes, but hevin no gun along everything
| got clean away. Bout noon / sot down in
that open to eat a bite. Jest beyand mo
was long log with one end hid in the
| bresh. / seed it was a holler log, but /
| was so mad | wouldn't go up and look In.
l was eatin' and cussin when coon sud
! denly cum outer the bresh nigh my eand
of that log. He was big and fat and his
! skin war prime. He was the fust coon
had sot eyes on that fall, and the tears
just cum TO my eyes when / knowed he
was not fur me. He looked at me, gimme
|
| Ter log. ! was tryin' to kick myself fur
| not hevin brought my rifle along when
another fat coon cum out o. the bresh at
the same spot, winked at me the same
way and then follered the other. Then cum
| a third, foth a fifth and a sixth, and
l couldn't hold in no longer. jest SEE to
q 'Zeb White, if all the boss sense in
| yo'r hull body was billed out and stuffed
into the head of hog, that hog wouldn't
! know nun to root fur later when hungry!
70 kin Jump on yer ole hat and whoopee,
| but when it comes down to sense yo
haint the ekal of the meanest varmint in
al these hills. If yo kin hire any mewl in
this we're state to kick yo' TO death, gin
him i'm all yo' got on airth to do itr "
You felt bad l observed
Bad might hev done fur three or TO-
| cOons, but when they counted up six
| seven-eight-nine, l jest hoped every
| stop at nine. Durn my hide If / didn't
| keep right on countin' big, fat coons till
! sixteen of EN- had cum outer the bresh
and entered that log! Think of it-six-
! teen coOns all packed together in thar,
/ and coon skins wuth eighty cents apiece
/ in cash! / was shiverin' and shakin' and
| tryin to die, when it suddenly struck me
/ that could stop up the holler and trap
every critter of coon. jumped for STICKS
and limbs and plugged up the hole, and
! then / lighted out fur hum and the ole
| woman. When / reached there and told
her . she SEE to me, seq she:
Zeb White, 'taint material"
% Why hain't 1t material?
" 'Bekase a coon is a climber and never
has anythin' to do with boiler logs
eyes?'
| alayin to play yo trick. I'll go with yo'
to chop EN- out, but / say it hain't nat
! eral.
1--WE took the ak an the gun an the
| handsled, and | Jest wanted wings to fly.
| We finally got thar, and / pointed out
| the log to my ole woman. She suuinted
around fur mint and then she SEE, SEE
| she:
" zeb White, has that yere log got two
eands to it?'
of co'se it hasr
g Did yo stop up both eands?'
mo, i hadn't said Zeb to me. 'In my
hurry to trap them coons I'd forgot about
the other end of that log; rushed around
and yo' kin wallop my hide If the hole
wasn't twice as big as the tother!"
Then the sixteen coons had passed out
of course2'
Them sixteen coons?'
Yes, you said you counted sixteen go
ing in
stranger. 1 didn't fur a few minits, but
| the ole woman squnted around some
more, and then she SEE to me. SEE she:
. 'Zeb do yo' know what's happened?
DO [? Why, I've lost sixteen prime
coon-skins, sayin' nuthin' about the
q No. yo hewitt. zeb. It was lest one
emery coon and no mo-! He cum oiiter the
bresh, passed through that we're log and
took around that rock ana back into the
log again! Yo' jest saw one coon sixteen
times and it war a coon as knowed yo'
and was playin' yo' low down to git
evenr"
And that was the way of it?'' asked
Fur shore, san. Nobody never saw
over two coons in drove, and / might
a-knowed 1t. That yere blamed coon prob
ably cum fifty miles TO play that trick
on me, and the ole woman she let II out
and folks laughed at me till was ready
to move away"
do you think the coon and Mrs White
were In partnership in that -trick?"
''Skassly, sah-skassly," replied Zeb, af-
ter a little thought. mo, 1t was this we're
way, l reckon; The blamed critter OF a
coon had too much sense fur me, and the
ole woman had more'n both of US put to-
gether, and the roller log throwed In ex-
ira. Sixteen coons gwine into boiler log
one arter tother! Shoe! It wasn't material
of co'se not-Of co'se noti II that we're
coon hadn't bin told l wus a fule he'd
never sot out to play It on me as he did"
"A church in Lodi, New Jersey. was re-
Gently painted and vanished. and by Sun
day the seats were, to all Appearances
perfectly dry. But when the congregation
had been seated short time the warmth
from their bodies softened the yarnish
Then each member realized what II was