The Iuka vidette. (Iuka, Miss.) 1894-1912, 1895-01-03

honestly as any
other. Perhaps am mistaken, but
certainly have raised it to much
higher level than it was when first l
selected that means OF livelihood
NV motto Honesty Is the Best
Police-See." is neatly engraved Oh all
my professional tools and my title OF
The Honest Burglar" will go on my
tombstone in due time, and when my
strictly honorable exploits can be
safely mentioned with pride by my
relatives and friends
/ always make a point of seeking
foeman worthy OF my steal. Never do
] enter house-no matter what in
ducemsnts its contents may offer
which has not the very latest scientific
burglar projections. Ordinary locks
and bolts positively refuse to attack,
and carelessly left open doors and
windows | disdain to make use of. l
leave those tidbits for dishonest bur
glars who have not the professional
pride that / find so heightened and
profitable and so encouraging to ones
self-respect.
Now that have properly introduced
my honest self III tell story.
A wealthy chap who had made his
millions in way despise had erected
"a grand mansion with all the finest
electrical burglar alarms known to
date. Every door and window was
doubly protected so the slightest touch
after the wires were set would jangle
numberless bells and tprn on
the lighted gas all over the house in a
brilliant illumination. In addition to
all that melodieus display there were
tell-tale steps on each staircase and
tempting bits of silverware, connected
with wires to the main battery, left in
plain sight by the safe In the dining
room.
All these imposing preparations, so
expensive and troublesome for their
owner, gave to me q glorious delight.
and l looked forward to attacking
them with all small boys Fourth OF
July enthusiasm.
At last the battle night came, and
with it Mr.. William Mummer, my &C.
tive partner in the business.
Mr.. Mummer was highly respected
in the profession. Like myself he
never stopped to conquer, and was
equally noted for his gentlemanly ways
and sturdy honesty.
Only once in his busy life was he
ever taken In and done for, and /
couldn't blame him bit, either.
You see, he was making a profess
sional call on rich bachelor, and
while putting things away in the
handsome room he was painfully sur
prised by the sudden arrival of his
host with some gentlemen friends.
Not willing to seem intrusive, Mr..
Mummer quietly slipped under the
bed to await an opportunity for de-
parting pleasantly,
From his snug retreat Mr.. hummer
beesld six well-polished boots spread
themselves comfortably on the Turkish
rug, evidently in shape to stay awhile,
despite Williams anxiety to catch the
train for home.
Soon the jolly gentlemen lighted
cigars and commenced telling funny
stories, ending each one with chorus
of hearty laughter.
William, who understood the proper
etiquette of not mixing in where he
wasn't wanted, kept Il becoming ST.
lence until funnier story than usual
was told, and then, after an agonizing
struggle to choke down his unfortu-
nate mirth, he exploded with ire
mendous "haw haw haw" which
frightened the gentlemen shamefully.
1t Is needless to say that Mr.. Mum
mer had ample time afterward to en-
joy the joke while taking little va
cation from business in the state
laundry.
But he soon recovered my respect
for his sterling qualities by trick h {
played when cornered in fashionable
boarding house one night.
While the landlady was ringing tbs
big bell and the alarmed boarder'
were searching for him with guns
MI Mummer entered deserted room
and promptly went to bed with hi,
boots on. There, with the blankets
tightly tucked under his handsome
chin, he lay yelling as loud as the
loudest and grandly ordering the bold
warriors with guns from his room
when they rushed in to see If he was
being murdered. Twas lucky his bee
belonged to terror-stricken nader
lady who had sought refuge elsewhere
otherwise Mr.. hummer might moi
have been SO very smart, after all
But he got out of his scrape at day
light and took his swag, too, and con
sequently his fame was undiminished
by that episode.
Now that have introduced Mr.. Will
liam Mummer, Esq, I will go on with
my story.
Twas black midnight in dreary
Novemb err. The sky was clouded and
a lively wind was banging shutters
and moaning through the swaying
branches as Bill and quietly stole
along the dismally dark and deserted
country road.
With valises containing articles
used in our trade, and smoking pipes
with shoppers on to hide their glow,
We silently made good time over the
vet and soggy ground till old Fort
Electricity. as we dubbed the object Of
sur attack. doomed MP before us.