davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

MIR. TREE FORGOT HIS HOTEL
BILL AND WAS ACCORDINGLY EX-
CITED.-Just as the Paris was about
to leave New York, BeerbOhm Tree,
the English actor, made frantic ef-
forts from the boat to attract the at
tention of Clarence Fleming, who
acted as his American representa-
tive, and who was trotting down the
pier.
"Oh, Fleming" shouted Mr..
Tree, when he got his managers at
tention. "I've forgotten TO pay my
BILL" he said with a pathetic lisp.
"Come on board, so I can give you
the money" Fleming hurried to
the gang plank, but was told that he
could not go aboard. a friendly
Custom house official helped him to
Mr.. Tree. Then the actor discov-
cred that he had no money with
him, and hurried search began for
Acting Manager Watson, who car
ried the funds. Watson was finally
found and, just as the gang planks
were being passed in, Fleming
dashed ashore, clutching a comforta-
BILE Wad of bills.
Fleming made his way to the Wal
dorf, and, after a conference with
the cashier, left with receipted
vouchers for 900, which was the
amount of Trees hotel bill for ten
days.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13
- 80 -

THE SOLE REASON.--Lipper
Don't you think that Miss Hammer
ton plays with good deal of soul?
Chippsr: When she's at the organ,
yes.
Upper: Why any more at the
organ than the piano?
Chippr? That ought to he appar-
ent she has more pedals to work on.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

She-It must be terrible for a man
when he is married to have to ask
his wife for money.
He-There is something far worse.
She-What is that?
He Suppose she hasn't any to
give him.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.

WE are now prepared to do TIN
" WORK Of all kinds. Nothing
but lirst-class meterial used. Satisfac-
tion guaranteed. Give us trial and
be convinced that we mean what we
say. ROOFING and SCOUTING a
speciality. Shop in the rear Of Law &
Handley's.
MCCLEARY & DARNELL,
Aug. 25-ly. Lewisburg. w. Va.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

BERRY-No less than four robbers
to tackle me on the bridge last night
but | beat them all off
Wood-What with ? cane or an
umbrella?
Berry-With my feet. l mean
beat them off the bridge by nearly ten
yards.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

a LIMITED STOCK.--A member
of the bar was recently in one Of our
thriving provincial towns on business
In the hotel he was accosted by a
very agreeable gentleman, who
finally wanted to know "where he
was from"
The legal gentleman, not exactly
relishing the strangers familiarity,
answered shortly: From London" I"
For what house are you travel
ing ?"
For my own"
"You are? May l ask your
name?"
You may"
Pause enjoyable to the lawyer, en-
barrassing to the other.
Well," desperately, "what is
your name?"
Dobson."
What line are you in?"
don't understand you, sir"
What are you selling?" impa-
tiently.
Brains !" coolly.
The mercantile traveller, looking
at the other from head to foot, said
slowly: Well, you appear to carry
very small lot of samples"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

IT often happens that when ball
PLAYER dies on first" the rooters
accept it as a signal to lay out the
umpire.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13
!. II. STRATTON. JOS. ii. STRATTON
Lewisburg Hotel
STRATTON & SON,
PROPRIETORs.

WELL furnished rooms, attentive
w servants and table supplied with
the best the markets afford. Livery
attached. Good Rigs, safe Horses ana
Vehicles. Special attention pald TO
boarding Horses. Reasonable rates.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

You can never understand some
men unless you stand over them
awhile.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

a NATURAL REsULT.-Plumber:
When | handed your friend that bill
this morning he fired up awfully; in
fact, | was never 80 bombarded in
my life, and L can't account for it,
Can you?
Witticus: Certainly. He was
over charged, of course.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

THE DOMESTIC CRITIC" You
seem to have all the late novels, jim
son. What do you think of them ?"
4 haven't read them yet," an
swered JimsOn. I" My wife is read
ing them to see if they are fit for
me-"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

IT won't do to tell tailor that fig
ures won't lie-he knows better.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

"Now who is said to support the
wOrld?"
"AtIas, Miss"
"And who supported Atlasc"
"Please, Miss, my book don't say,
but spec it was his wife"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

PASSES TO RICHMOND.--The
Southern Bir0H0c reprints from an
old Southern newspaper story of
President Lincoln. Times have
changed since it was first told; but,
true or not, it remains pretty good
story.
In the spring of 1862 Northern
gentleman entered President Lin
coins private Office and requested a
pass to Richmond.
A pass to Richmond !" exclaimed
the President. Why, my dear sir,
If should give you one, it would do
you no good.
You may think it strange, but
there's lot Of fellows between here
and Richmond who either can't read
or are prejudiced against every man
that carries pass from me. | have
given Mcclellan and more than
100000 others passes to Richmond,
and not blessed one of 'em has vet
got there"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13
- o -

n CHANGE or WIND.
Jones, during one of his cruises on
the coast Of Scotland, went round on
the Firth Of Forth, and suddenly
made his appearance off the lang
town of kirkaldy," to the horror of
the Fiteshirc people, who looked
upon him as devCuring gSea-monster.
While the people crowded the shore,
watching the dreaded vessel, an &C.
centric old Presbyterian minister
came pushing through the crowd,
carrying an old armchair, which he
jammed down close to iow-water
mark, the tide coming in, and COM
menced "A prayer for change Of
wind.
Dinna send, O Lord" he said,
"this vile pirate to strip the puir
folk o. Kircaldy, for ye ken they
are "a puir enough an haze naething
to spare. The puir women are maist
frightened out % their wits, and the
BARNS are shrieking after them.
He'll be here in Il jitfy, and wha kens
what he'll do? He'll burn their
houses, tax away their duds, even.to
their very sarks, and wha kens but
the bluidy villain might tax their
lives. | Gamma tholl | Gamma tholl
| hae been lang faithful servant to
ye, O Lord, but gin We wunna turn
abOot, and blaw this sc0ondrel out %
our gate, I'll nae stii fut, but will
joost sit here until the tide comes in
and droons me ! Sac tax yer wull
of it,"
Luckily for the worthy minister,
the wind changed, and Paul Jones
disappeared from the Fifeshire coast
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

IN THE BEST. T.-Kentuckians are
always proud of their state in what
ever department of human labor
they may hold. Not long ago a
widow went to see "A marble cutter to
get tombstone for her late husband.
She selected plain one from his
stock and gave him an inscription to
put ON it.
Can't do that, ma'am," he said
politely when he had read it.
Why not?' she asked in sur
prise. " Pm paying for it,"
Yes, but | can't put that on. l
stretch my conscience good many
times in what put on a tombstone,
but | amt going to tell a plain lie
when | know it,"
The widow was greatly shocked
and insisted on his explaining what
he meant.
Well, ma'am," he said, you've
got here gone to better land,' and
that amt so ma'am. There ain't
any better land than Kentucky"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

PHIL-W Would you be sorry to hear
that am going to marry Ethel?
Priscilla-Yes, indeed ] should.
Phil (hopefully)-Why? Priscilla.
Priscilla Because | like Ethel.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

Too MANY IN THE FIELD.-Ihe
.;l;,nr came into the Office Of coun-
try T'y, paper in distiIIery district OF
iis Kentucky, tuck with notice in his nSnd, d.
- I want to put an advertisement III III
rho naper," he said. "Not any
tno unera PR I reckon, than want you to
i'T'I m"t i in" responded the editor
pG, p'i,b editorial earnestnesS not un-
usual w'1 on such occasions ,'an., "Whas Sands Is
u it. ?" Some fellow in Missouri Snhnnse sen'a %
it it to me. He wants to ..o exchange zen gGis' "
farm he n owns o. G"t Soar.s" 'nstS ssneG sHs the
editor, edit "we'I print o it, out ton i, m9T msny
do any good. We nave nave ne ,oV who are
people right here "rG"n% fHer Ts farms ~S for
wbiskey, and on the '''''"'
plan, too"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

BEWARE of little expenses, as
small leaks sink big ships.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

WAS OBLIGED TO Go. Hello.
Harkaway, are you still in town? |
thought you had moved out West
and gone into the mining business"
" No. l didn't go. That scheme
fell through"
"Then you are not going to leave
us?"
"Oh, yes. Pm getting ready to
move"
Where are you going?
"l havn't decided yet. But I've
got to go somewhere, Higgins. The
boys in the clubs / belong to have
given me half dozen farewell din
ners, and as a gentleman and a man
of my word l can't stay here any
longer after that"
READING ALoUD.-To read we'll
aloud is an accomplishment. The
voice should follow the ideas that
the author intends, but there should
he no attempt at dramatic per-
tormance. Recitation is quite a diff
ferent matter, but to know how to
read aloud one must read simply,
clearly, and intelligently. A wo-
man with a rasping voice cannot
charm with her reading, but a pleas
ing voice soothes the listener. Read
ing aloud should be cultivated. 1t is
surprising how carelessly most peo-
pie read, gliding over the words,
mumbling them, or raising the voice
as if declaiming.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

ONE OF BARNUM'S OLD STORIES.
| once went to hear Barnum tell
ing stories at Lady Aberdeen's. The
funniest Of them illustrated the
height of meanncSS. \ man in "Our
town" had opened a store and Of
fercd free drinks to customers. One
night entered stranger with
What's the price Of darning nee-
dies ?"
y cent apiece"
And what do you give for eggs ?n
"SiNpence Il Dozen"
Well, that's cent apiece, too,
isn't it? So ] think l'll take darn
ing needle and leave this egg"
The exchange was effected, and
then the egg man said, L" You prom.
iSed a treat to each customer"
We'll, what will you drink 2"
guess pll have glass of sherry
wine"
The glass of sherry was brought
Looking at it thoughtfully, the " Gus
toner" observed
It's very remarkable thing, buj
somehow | never could drink sherry
wine without an egg in it,"
well, you shall have it," SAID
the store keeper. AS the content.
fell into the sherry, it was seen thai
the egg had two yolks.
Well, now" said the drinker
my wife would be blessed to think
that she parted with two yolks fol
one darning needle. You really
must give me another for that seconC
yOlk.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

TENDED STRICTLY To BUSINESS.
Some men, when placed in Il posi-
tiOn of trust, want to show their au
thOrity, and manage to make it un-
pleasant to others with whom they
have business. One of these suffer
erS wanted to get even, and saw that
the official tended strictly to business.
At Il small railway atation out
West, short time ago, the follow
ing amusing incident occurred: The
station master, who is noted for his
affability of manner, while eNamin-
ing tickets, came across Il cattle
dealer, well known in the district,
who held season ticket. The sta
ton master, being aware Of this, u-u-
ally passed him without troubling
| him To show it. On this occasion,
however, he ordered him, in not
very polite manner, to produce it,,
adding, in very severe tone:
mind, | want to see it every
time you stop at this station" Or
course the ticket was produced, eX-
amined, nnd the official passed on,
looking very important and self-Sat-
isficd. \ few days later, as the early
morning mail train drew mp at the
platform at 3 Il. m Il passenger ac-
costcd the solitary porter on duty,
and asked for the station master.
"He is in bed, sir" replied the
porter
"Tell him | want him." SAID the
passenger. ,, J., ,;,
The porter at first declined to dis
turb him, but on being told that IL
was the station masters own WlSh'
disappeared, and, after some delay
returned, closely followed by the sta'
tion master, audibly growing at be-
ing brought out of bed in the coId'
On going to the carriage he was con
frontcd by his old friend, the cattle
dealer. who handed him his season
ticket, politely asking him t" exam
inc it, at the same time reminding
him that he had few days ago eA.
nressed n wish to see it "eVery Time
o,onDod ot the StatiOn.'
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

RIVAL CORRESPONDEN Not
very long ago the police made dis
coVcry of some nihiliStiC plot i'm an
0ut-of-thc-way corner of st. Peters
burg, and the special correspondent
of the London Standard came to hear
Of it. off ne went at once in search
of the house. He found it without
much difficulty, and police officer
was IN possession. "Can come in ?n
he asked. Certainly" said the
officer. And the correspondent en-
tered.
Having taken good view of the
surroundings, he turned to go, but
the officer barred the way. "You
cannot pass, sir, she said. But
you yourself said might come in"
"Quite So" responded the police
man, grimly; anybody who likes
can come in, but they are immedi-
ately arrested"
In vain the journalist explained
that he had important engagements
elsewhere. There he was, and there
he had to stop. Then he went to the
window and looked out with mali
cious CLEAN in his eye. Presently
he saw sight which filled him with
JOY. StrOlling down the street was
Mr.. Dobson, the correspondent of
the Times. The imprisoned one
hailed him. "HullO! Where are
you going ?" he shouted. "Trying
to find the nihilist place" ooh,
this is it," Really? Can l come
up.' Yes, any one can come up.n
And Mr.. DobsOn came. He took
a critical survey of the room, made
his notes, and then, turning to his
friend, he suggested that they should
go. Failing to get an answer, and
bewildered, he made for
the door, and there the police officer
enlightened him. The two cores
pondents spent the afterno oon invit-
ing other flies into the SPIDERS web.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

SOMETHING Some
people are superStiti0us, and are
always on the lookout for bad and
good signs before commencing any
business. Others laugh at their fears,
and never think of signs unless some
thing happens.
Ever sit down at table where
there were just thirteen ," asked the
man in the ulster.
Once" replied the man with the
fierce muStachc.
Well, you never observed that
any. bad luck followed it, did you ?"
Why-haw-yes, Bad luck for
most Of the thirteen"
Any of them die ?"
Not that | know of. Never
heard of any Of them dying"
Not enough victuals to ogorOund ?"
queripd the man with the snub nose.
Who's talking about victuals ?
There was MT any victuals."
thought you said you sat down
to a table " here there were thirteen
persons ?"
"That's what | said. The table
was in lawyers Office. 1t was a
meeting of creditors. There were
twelve of them. was the other
man"
There was long pause, and then
the man with the baggy trousers in
quired:
"In what way did the meeting
prove unlucky, if | may ask ?"
None of 'em ever got shilling
out of me-" answered the man with
the fierce mustache, heaving a deep
Siph
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

WOULD He COLLECT?-In a GER
tain interior town of Michigan lives
politician who is notorious for the
difficulty he finds in meeting his
small obligations. One day a visitor
called to see the editor of the local
paper and found the "devil" occu-
pying the chair.
| want to see the editor" re-
marked the caller.
He amt in," replied the boy.
How long has he been out ?"
An hour or so, | guess"
When will he be back ?"
Dunno"
Have you any idea when ?"
Not much. Just as like as not
he won't never git back"
Why, where has he gomez"
6 He went around to collect 81
from Mr.. -, and he said he was
goin' to stay by him till he got it,"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

a NCULAR SOLICITUDE.--
" Kitty, what brings that young
chucklehead of q Spoonamore to this
house so often?"
Why, Uncle Allen, he comes to
see me, suppose"
What do you know about him ?n
"1 know he's very pleasant,
agreeable young man, who belongs
to a good family, always dresses well,
is in good circumstances, and is well
educated and well read"
" What else do you know about
him ?"
"I know he hasn't any of the
habits many young men have. He
doesn't drink, smoke, gamble. attend
prize-fi fights or go into bad company
Does he keep race horse ."
"Oh, no! Pm sure he doesn't"
Part his hair in the middle?"
"No."
"Let his little finger nails grow
extremely long?"
"NO."
"Quote lbsen ?"
"Never."
"Chew gum ?"
"Oh, no -
Wear pointed whiskers ?"
He does not"
Carry chocolate creams and cara
mels in his pocket? ?"
NO.n
(Still suspicious)-" He may be
all right, Kitty, but you'd better
watch him. I'll bet 81 he calls his
father 'papa.'"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

Of" I'M always prepared for the
worst" remarked the editor, as he
dumped the mornings invoice Of
poetry into the waste basket.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

A WEALTHY old lady, one bitter
cold morning, said to her servant,
" James, it has been a very cold
night, and | am afraid poor Widow
Green is suffering. Take her a
wheelbarrow load of wood. But,
James, before you go, make up this
fire and put more wood on. Then
give me nice mug of flip" James
obeyed, and was about to start on his
errand when his mistress interposed,
"Stop, James, you need not go now ;
the weather has moderated"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-06-13

THE cannOn's detonations contrib
ute largely to the debt o. nations.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-08-09

ceived the announcement of the death
at Muncy OF her cousin.
The Carbon County Game and
Fish Protective Association received
forty German hares, or Belgian rabbits,
which will be carefully guarded until
fall. when they will be allowed to run
in the woods of Carbon county. Ger
man hares multiply very fast. One
buck and two does we're brought into
the country about five weeks ago by
William F. Johnson. These three
have already increased to over twenty,
and pretty soon they will begin to
multiply so fast that it will be i'm
possible to keep count of them.
As number of young men were
on their way to Hazel Dell, near Ell.
wood, Lawrence county, one Of them
noticed peculiar Kissing noise issuing
from large hollow tree near the
road. An investigation disclosed
the fact that the tree was literally full
of snakes. The snakes showed fight,
but the boys pulled off their coats and
went to work. In an hour As snakes
had been killed. The largest measured
a trife over feet in length, and they
ranged from that down to ten inches.
They were of the blue. black snake
variety They fought desperately,
but the boys escaped without being
bitten.
Sheriff Fulmer, of Lycoming county,
is in predicament owing to a mis-
take made by him few days ago
resulting in the discharge of the wrong
man from jail. William Donley was
committed for picking pockets during
the Williamsport centennial, and was
awaiting trial under heavy bail, when
he suddenly and Unexpectedly regain
ed his freedom. The Sheriff had
received an order for the discharge of
a trivial offender whose name was
somewhat similar, and in preparing
the order Of discharge copied the
wrong name from the docket. A
messenger carried this to the jailer,
who forthwith opened Donley's cell
and astounded him by telling him he
was free. Donley was so elated that
he hung around Williamsport day OF
two, and even paid visit to some OF
his old cronies in the Jail. When he
found out that he had been discharged
by mistake he lost no time in getting
away from the city, and no trace OF
him has been obtained.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-08-09
GENERAL NEWS.

Trolley parties are being inaugurated
on the Pottsville line.
The Philadelphia & Delaware
county trolley line has reached Media.
Tumbling down high precipice at
Wilkes Barre, little George Peterskl
was mortally hurt.
Ex Chief of Police B. F. Meyers, of
Wilkes Barre, has gone insane, and is
in Dauville asylum.
The Colbert colliery, at Shamokir,
employing 600 men, has resumed work
after an idleness Of month.
Hotel Proprietor Amandus Rice, of
Wind Gap, who shot the Penders
brothers, has surrendered.
Judge Cyrus L. Pershing, who had
long been III, returned to his duties at
Pottsville court house Saturday.
The Shenango and Mahoning valley
manufacturers have advanced wages
of union puddlers twenty-five cents
ton.
The Stewart iron company, OF
Sharon, have acceded to the demands
of their employees by granting a ten
and twenty-five cent raise.
Assistant Superintendent Alexander
Dryden, of the Pennsylvania coal com.
pany, has been made superintendent,
with headquarters at Dunmore.
The employees Of the Pennsylvania
bolt and nut company, Lebanon, have
received notices Of ten per cent. in
crease, to 60 into effect August 70.
While readjusting an arc light car.
bon, Curtis Shipp touched a live wire
at Shamokin. Although he received
1900 volts he escaped with badly
burned wrist.
The employees of the Franklin cop.
per mine at Hancock, Mich, have
had their wages restored to the hgure
holding before the Cut caused by the
panic two years ago.
William Grundy 81 Co., proprletors
of worsted mills in Bucks county, who
took ten per cent oft their several
hundred employees year ago, have
added the ten per cent. again
The Christian Endeavor State Con-
vention, to be held at Erie, beginning
Thursday, August 2s, and lasting four
days, will be the largest meeting of
the kind ever held in Pennsylvania.
A tent is being prepared that will hold
1900 people.
A Selinsgrove lady was startled the
other day when she went to answer a
ring at the door bell and found no one
there. The mysterious ringing of
the bell, so the Sunbury Item says,
was repeated at intervals during the
day and in the evening the lady re,