The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-09-21
I will tell you about it.

His name was Howard P. Duncan,
and I knew him very we'll We were
educated together and graduated on the
Fame shingle, was about to say. But
be had more ingenuity than l. He could
make the tutor believe that the moon
was made of green cheese. whereas l
could not even make the same faculty
believe what it already knew. If l said
that the earth was round like n bail and
slightly depressed at the poles, for the
first time there would be feeling OF
doubt in the minds Of my instructors.
But Howard, after delivering the
valedictory, went forth into the world
for himself He felt a certain reprg-
nance to industry which showed that
his blood had slight aristocratic tinge.
He tried two or three easy professions,
but finally turned his back toward them
all He was offered a situation at $40
per month to teach, but turned bitterly
on his heel and said with some asperity
that she would rather pump thunder III
hell at cents clap" Those were his
very words.
That remark was the index TO the
mans whole character. He would say
things at all times that other people aft
erward bitterly regretted.
Finally he developed new disease,
and his autopsy was extremely promis-
ing. For this reason he was greatly
sought after by the medical colleges. He
was offered over 800 for his remains.
But he hung out. His boyhood home
had offered him $500 TO go away and
remain, to which his father had offered
10 add $500. He asked my advice, and
l told him to hang ont for $1,000. for l
felt sure it would be given. This proved
to be true. / helped TO make up the
amount.
Finally he got five Of the ablest med
ical colleges above 500 and sold his
carcass to each of them.
Then, stricken by remorse. he came TO
the mercy seat. thinking that it would
be just the thing for n sedentary man,
embraced Christianity and three or four
of the most desirable workers IN the
Ladies' auxiliary, became a missionary.
went TO the tropics, and week after
be landed the chief had him up at his
house for dinner.
repeat this just to show how mean
a man can be to medical college that
never by word or deed has harmed him
in the least. Did you ever notice how
few valedictorians get TO be president:
They all at once IN life's early morn
seem 10 find themselves great. and the
next morning they awake 10 find they
have slept it of.
Boys, remember this and re comfort
ed when you are not chosen valedlcto-
Tian. Be brave, industrious. honest and
temperate. Temperance Is said 10 be one
OF the best things we have.
A bushel Of corn makes gallon Of
whisky, wo-th On the market Sl6- On
this the government gets 81 SO (or
more now. The farmer gets 30 cents
This is too much The railroad gets
ST. The manufacturer gets 50. The
vender gets 81 And the consumer gets
the rest. which consists mostly Of red
and blue cogwheels IN his head and a
rich flow Of animal and vegetable splr-
its
The gentleman croepmdent az New
burypo-t VIII do well 10 treasure up the
above fgures and ding more closely 10
the dear cid pump or the old oaksn
bucket, the Hoboken bucket that hung
In the well
Several correspondents write to ask
in most cou-seous manner ID know
why have said nothing about the Slcy-
Gle and the new woman t5is u easI y
EXPLAINED Others are saying and colis-,
enongh N this line, 30 that Esy silence
coz Id not be noticed / am the friend e
| beth the bicycle aud tie new wozaan-