St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1895-02-17
CORK HAS TROUBLE
With a PhrenoIogist Whom
He Hires to Examine His
Top Knot.
THE HEAD FEELER GETS GAY
And Accuses His Visitor OF a
Whole Lot Of Mean
Things,
THE HEAD FEELER GETS GAY
AND THE NATURAL RESULT
Is That the Phrenologist IS
Kicked Into an Unpleas-
ant Trance.

ant Trance.
7 went to see d phrenologIst me
other afternoon and wound up my
visit bv kicking him into a trance.
I'm a corkin good little kicker when
I get started L can do more kick
ing on general principles than the
best government mule that ever hap
pened. When it comes to taking a
kick at a phrenoIogist I'm the best
thing that ever came over the pike.
will admit that it's mean to kick a
man out of his own Office. but
couldn't help it. 1t was the only
office we were in. I couldn't kick
him out of my own office. because 1
haven't got any, and We weren't in
it anyhow.
made that visit because had be-
come worried over the shape of my
head. [ caught sight of it in a
three-cornered mirror. and it looked
like an egg plant. 1t also had a few
of the characteristics of the cocoa
nut. 1t bothered me 1t used to be
all right. [ don't know what
changed it unless exposure to the
air put a few warps in it. 1 went
over to the head-feeler to get point
ers. and. if possible, to get the head
moulded over again, or get a new
head
found him seated in an arm chair.
with his feet on the mantelpiece.
He could have put his feet higher.
but he didn't want to. He was a
queer-Iooking duck. He had long
legs. just like a spiders, and his feet
resembled d number of feet. When
/ shook hands with him I thought at
first [ had
HOLD OF HIS FOOT.
He had an IMPROVING face, and the
whiskers strOIIed all over it as if
they had just stopped temporarily.
They We're the pIainest kind of whis-
kers 1 ever saw. He's got them yet.
He can have them. don't want
them
You are the head feeler. I sup
pose. / said. accosting him. L al
ways accost people when they don't
speak to me first.
None other. he replied. doing an
eccentric shake-down with his feat
ures.
Excuse my head said. 1t
feels like a misdt.'
May be it's a pimpIe. and hasn't
come 20 a head vet. he replied. with
a cadaveroUs smile on his eight-day
face.
If you re a comedian. I said saw
agely. you ought to hang out
sign saying, Funny cracks with each
examination.
ooh. 50 he replied. It find those in
the head sometimes.
Find what?'
Funny cracks he answered. al
lowing a grin to slip down from be
hind his ear and settle around his
mouth
If you want to examine my head, -
Z said. coldly. you had better blow
your insanity
L spoke in d cool, determined tone
just
AS THE VILLAIN SPEAKS
when he throws his cigarette into
the wings and prepares to steal the
girl. A steeIy glitter came into my
eyes. 1 could feel it. Whenever 1
glitter. it's q cinch something's going
to come off. Evidently he read my
mind. for he told me to uncover the
coco and give him & flash at it. He
ran his fingers lightly over my head.
Then he paused.
rs there anything in this?' he
asked.
Certainly replied. its full of
brains and may contain a few odd
bits of skull and things like that
Il mean. he said. is there any
thing in the examination"
How in the devil do I knOw?" I
replied. From what I've seen [
guess it's a fake. a cold, clammy
fake.
You misunderstood me. he said.
pressing my generous bump, Il mean
do I get paid for this?"
Paid. of course. you get paid I
replied. You see in me a synonym
for a national bank. I'm loaded
with money. It falls out of my peck
cts when [ walk. and never stop to
pick it UP. My pockets are green
from the bank notes I carry in them.
My sweetheart decorated a vawse
with the scraps OF gold and silver she
picked out of me pawnts pockets.
and every time approach a bank
the clerks all
LEAVE THEIR DESKS
and rush to the windows. [ wake
up in my sleep and find myself count
ing money. Fact is, I pay the paper
to let me work for it and"
All right, all right, he exclaimed
huTriedIy, as if to reassure me. then
ran his fingers over d whole lot of
bumps. had been to a Market hall
dance and had more bumps than a
cucumber. He stopped on one of
them.
You're selfish" he said. sud
denly
And you're full of prunes. I re-
piled II said I'd pay you, and what
/ say goes. Don't get gay. You
never saw me before You don't
know whether I'm selfish or nor