The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1895-08-21
Pith and Point.

OVER the grave Of the cannibal king
They inscribed with trenchant pen
This epitaph: write me as one
Who loved his fellow-men." Life.
THE COW may not be a very brilliant
animal, but she never bites off more
than she can chew.
MOST of us only believe in just God
when we see him punish the other fell
low.-Florida Times Union.
A WOMAN who has never seen her
husband fishing doesn't know what a
patient man she has married.
THERE is plenty of room at the top.
Naturally, therefore, every advertiser
expects to have his advertisement at
the top of the column.
HE Indignantly" Those insulting
ushers put US into back pew" She
Calmly as quiescent volcano)-"They
which wouldn't care to have SEEM
Pearson's.
"Ah," said the jovial friend of the
man with the valise, "going for little
rest, are your" mo" was the reply,
with a hurried glance at the timetable,
Pm going away on my vacation."-
Washington Star.
"ARE you not attached to your husband?"
Asked the judge in Q kindly way
And she who sought divorce replied
"That's for your honor to say"
Detroit Tribune.
SHE-"I presume the country edi-
tors pathway is not strewn with flow
ers2" He (pleasantly)-"No, not ex-
actly; but we stumble on bushel Of
potatoes occasionally, or a cord of
wood."-Detroit Free Press.
MISS MILDMAY-" am sure that
there is good in Mr.. Spooner. He GER
tainly is very tender-hearted." Miss
Frost" Yes, he has heart that has
been rendered to about every unmar-
ried woman in town. boston Tran
script.
"AND now," shouted the exhorter,
what is to be done when a man is
rushing headlong, with lightning speed,
along the road to destruction" Dea-
con Jones (between snores)-" Reduce
size O. yer-sprocketl She's too
high gear"-Clevelan Plain Dealer.
NEW conditions bring new forms to
conversation. Formerly, when two
ladies met, one would ask, Did you
see Mary Bowser yesterday" and the
other would reply: Ono; what did she
have onp" Nowadays, the reply is,
No; what kind of "a wheel does she
ride?'
THE grass was parched until all men
Who gazed on it were panied.
He bought garden hose, and then
1t rsined and rained and rained.
Washington Star.
THE poor drunkard lay in the gutter,
while the thoughtless crowd jeered.
Along came the good-hearted citizen
and placed the unfortunate in stand
ing position. "Ah!" said the crowd,
she has been there himself" So shines
good deed In naughty vorld.-ln-
~ ~,ta Journal,
ulanapU..-
MRS. CITYBRED Gust arrived at the
country farm)-" What well-behaved
children you have, Mr.. Korntossle!"
Korntossle-" Yes, they're we'll enough
now; but you should see 'em in the
fall. After watchin' the ways of the
city folks all summer, they're that
sarcy and peart theirs no livin' with
'em."
HOUsEHOLDER-" James. didn't |
tell you to sprinkle the lawn to-day"
James" No, sir; you said james,
you may sprinkle the lawn to-day and
there are 80 many things you tell me
may do l thought it wrong always to
take advantage of your kindness. But,
sir, am just as much obliged to you as
though l had done it,"
LANDOWNER Ito party bobbing in the
or Halle tharat
that sign, No Fishing Here p" An
gler-" Yes; amt it ridiculous? Fine
fishing here; just look at that fine
string Holding up dozen or twenty
big fellows Beauties, amt they?
The chap who stuck up that sign evil
IDENTITY didn't know what he was talking
about"
THE bicyclennesl They toll and spin
And dress just as they please,
And Solomon in some respects
Was srrsysd like one Of these.
Detroit Free Press.
CALLER" am reporter of the
Daily Blanket" Bishop" All, yes;
presume you wish copy of the SER
mon which am to deliver at the Fifth
Avenue Sanctuary" Caller" Oh, no;
we don't care anything about that. l
ueslfc uceCriptlOu VI lue uT6esee
which your wife and daughters will
wear at the services. New York
Weekly.
MRS. BLINKERs =" What Going
away? Why?" Servant-"Please mum,
when l come yesterday you gave me
keys to your trunks, and drawers, and
chests, and jewel-boxes, to keep for
you" Mrs. Blinkers =" Yes, l did
that to show that trusted you. What
is the matter?" Servant-Thur don't
one of 'em ft."-New York Weekly.
LITTLE RAsTUs was reading aloud
for the edification of the rest of the
family from his book of fairy tales.
He began: "Once there was flock of
chickens which wandered after dark
into watermelon patch" "See heah,
boy" his father interrupted, "when de
preacher come, mex Sunday, gwine
ask heem eff dem words is really dar;
an eff you's ben maxim dat up for TO
tantalize me, l gwine dust yo' Jacket