The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1895-11-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY,

A close friend-The one who never
lends you anything. Philadelphia
Record.
Are the members of college Pi Eta
society particularly partial to pastry
Lowell Courier.
Generally man can get into fash
ionable society with golden wedge.
| New York Journal.
Woman's sleeves must be hot-tem-
pered, as they are nearly always rufaed
up.-Florida Times.
Jones-"What does he do?' Brown
-s'Do?" Why, he does everybody. {"
Florida Times-Union.
As much hate can sometimes be put
into q word as can be fired out of q
musket.--Ram' Horn.
A genuine sign in a Market street
restaurant, Philadelphia ''Six O'Clock
dinner here from $50 to 7.30. Life
The fellow who tells all he knows
wouldn't be half so insufferable if he
knows all he tells. -Phiadelphia Rec.
ord.
It is an indisputable fact that every
man who wears his watch in his vest
pocket is behind time. -Philadelphi
Record.
Nedders-"What's a bon mot?"
Notwithstanding you always think
of after it's too late to say t.''-Chi-
cago Record.
If you have nothing else to do see
how rapidly you can say ''soup
soothes theosophists thoroughly
Texas Siftings.
The Benefits: ''What makes some
girls look young so long?" "The men
are to blame. They won't propose"
-Life's Calendar.
Aman denies himself pleasures when
he is young that he may have money
to pay out to the doctors when he is
old. -Atchison Globe.
It is a mistake to suppose that wo-
men ever marry for money; some
times, however, they marry for the
want of it.-Boston Transcript.
Sime-'sYour father was an old
whaler, wasn't he, Jimmie?" Jimmie
Eyes; but near as can remember
ma did her share of it !"--Boston
Courier.
"My wife is very sick, Doctor" SIS
she suffering much?" Suffering?
Well, I should say so. Why, she had
such bad cold she can't talk
Spare Moments.
Chow is it that Lichtop takes SO
much interest in all that Nupop's baby
tries to say?" ''Oh, he's writing
dialect story and depends on the baby
for ideas. Inter Ocean.
Stuyvesant-''H alf the world never
knows how the other half lives"
Madison-''That's what comes of liv.
ing in fats without al air shaft. -
King & Co. s Monthly.
Affable Swell-"Well, the fact is,
my name is not Smithson. You see,
am travelling incog. There's my
card Fellow Passenger-''Glad to
hear it. I'm travelling in pickles.
Here's mine. Brooklyn Life.
Mother--''Don't you think that q
boy of your size could take the tacks
out of this carpet if he wanted top
Small Son-'I guess SO. Shall I take
my sled and go out and see if can
ind one who wants to?"-Good News.
Lady-"You say you are musician.
Well, I'll give you little practice.
lust go over to the woodshed and
Jackie few chords" Tramp-':Ex-
'use me, madam, am tenor and I
ear those chords are too heavy for
ne. "-Philadelphis Record.
81 wish some missionaries didn't
'ary SO much, said King Kannabile,
IS heswallowed his portion of the roast.
4 wish SO, too, said Queen Kama
'lle, shut there are SO many brands OF
'resbyterians these days it's hard to
ell what to order Harlem Life.
Man of Fashion (reading a newspa-
yer that a village schoolmaster had
hot himself because he could not pay
debt of fifty marks y" Ridiculous!
Why, if I were to shoot myself for
very fifty marks that I owe should
e kept at it all the year round!"-
'liegende Blaetter.
Mrs. Honeymoon ito battle-ground
ailway train)-''Do you love me?"
I'D Party (confidentially from the
Their seat to the bridegroom)-"S he's
sked you that forty-seven times al
eady. I get out here, but I'll leave
be score with this gentleman by the
indow. "-Tit-Bits.
1t Worked Both Ways: She
Does the fact that I have money
lake any difference to you, dearest?''
course it does, my own. 1t
such comfort to know that if
lould die you would be provided for.''
he-"But suppose 1 should die?''
1 would be provided for"
-Life's Calendar.