Birmingham state herald., 1895-12-08
Description of How It Feels to
 Run for Office,
FELT LIKE A GRAVE ROBBER
Deals, Combinations, Doodle, Censure, Rivalry, TreacherY All United to Cause Dis
 comfort of the Candidate.

1 cial.
 The great politician took a long draw
 on his cigar and cast his eyes backward | as if allowing his mind to roam back
 ward to the time when he was able to 1 experience any feeling at all. That was | the time when he had not entered poli-
 l tics and was as free to have opinions and l express them as a school boy. As the ci- 1 gar smoke curled up in the cafe where 1 he was seated he seemed to see the past l appear before him. When he answered l he said: When do you mean?" q mean how it feels to run for office l at any time," explained his questioner. After long pause the great man re- | piled, That depends" He was actually | as non-committal as if he was being in- l terviewed by a reporter on the currency question and wanted to state his posi- l ton unmistakably.
 After some effort he was prevailed on | to cough up a little talk on how 1t feels | to run for office, when he reflected that what he might say now might be forgot ten by the next campaign, and his name would not be used anyhow. Besides, he had the reporter write 1t out and let him | look over 1t to see that it was correct. | He made a few radical changes in the copy, but the reporter has replaced them by the original matter, because that was what the great politician said, and what | he had scratched out was what he was sorry he said.
 Said the fount of political wisdom and experience: Tt doesn't feel good You can stand pat on that My first experi- ence was so horrible that I even now wake up from my sleep of nights by dreaming that the 5000 snecure I now hold has been ravished from me by the opposition while l was not looking. l got used to the horrors attending the first throw I made in the political arena, and finally attained that great degree of experience where I was as callouS as a hired mans hands. I first ran for city office back there when the sole organiZa- ton of the crowd in power consisted of the police and firemen, and the organiZa- ton of the crowd that wanted to get in was made up of a hungry horde that wanted to get in the police and fire de- partments. Naturally the temperature along about this time of the year seemed different than was down on the calendar. I was in as an independent. Both of my opponents were on slates with two can didates for mayor. and I was on the outside. In a few days, though, I was fattered by call from the chief mana ger of one of the mayoralty candidates, who wanted me to go into a combination with him and throw down one of my op- ponents who was on the slate with him.
 oh. that would be cruel was what l answered.
 Tt just proves to you, young man, how green I was. But the manager gave me such jolly about the other fellow hay ing proved treacherous and myself be- ing so valuable, that I agreed to the ar
 engagement with many bangs of con-
 science. I felt as if had robbed a blind
 man. Pretty soon I learned that this
 combine business had it's disadvantages.
 They said it was in order that I contrib ute to the campaign fund. I had gone into the race originally with the firm de- termination that l would not spend a '. hot L. .NOI would vote for me. I had this knocked out of me in short order. I paid my lit tie percentage, which was pretty big, as now know. I felt like conspirator and could not look my turned-down opponent in the eye. I felt like going up to him and confessing all and then retiring ever lastingly to private life. However the assurance I had received from the may oralty candidate that I was now a sure winner, and the fact that had in a na- ture invested my money, kept me on the track.
 "Of course I was making a canvass I went around shaking hands indiscrim- inately. and by ill-luck ran up against an assortment of hands that itched for the filthy lucre. I always eased these for when failed to do so the proprietor of the hands would say coarse things to me which could not resent for fear of rnining my chances by getting into a row that the papers would gloat over Pretty soon one of my opponents went on
 the stump and challenged me to joint de- bate.
 "I accepted with alacrity, for my blood was up., while at the same time I could
 not even recite Twinkle. Twinkle, Little Star without being all frustrated. spoke at one meeting, and delivered an address which thought was the acme of policy. depth and logic. It had only one result that I could notice. That was the deep, heartfelt curses which my speech invoked from the mayoralty candidate He said: What in the h. do you want to knock out my chances for, you nut ton-headed prune devastator? Here you've gone and shot off your head about things that are delicate subjects with me. If I get beaten 1t will be all your fault. and I'll be d-d if don't get satis- faction out of you. You want to play a thinking part in this campaign, and a mighty silent one at that In deference 10 his wishes I forsook the stump, and my rival took full advantage of what he termed my f1uke. He said that I was afraid to voice my honest sentiments. My honest sentiments, when he claimed that, were that he was a fabbed-ga sted chump, and I expressed them to him pri- vately. He only laughed at me. You can just bet that the opposition papers soaked 1t to me. I became ac- quainted with my past life in detail. and learned many novel and interesting things about it.
 "Iceased going to church on account of | this. and ferventIy hoped only that the elders would not turn me out from mem bership before the election. But some how I continued my race.
 "E1ection day finally came. I was awakened by man whom I had never seen before, and never since, who said | he needed $50 to save the 'Steenth pre- cinct of the Thirteenth ward for me- He said I was running handily everywhere except at that precinct. and it was the keystone to the city. I gave him the l money. During the day learned that l there were upwards of forty keystone precincts
 About noon the candidate for mayor l came around and kicked me. I believe l whipped him in a gentlemanly manner | but evening papers made a sensation of l it, headed in type inches tall:
 "Brutal Encounter Between Election | Heelers.'
 "The candidates grievance was that ] l had been giving money to the workers | for the opposition. I may have done so | but I did not know any better. I went around the polls for awhile, but I was | trampled on by the police of the opposi- tfor and eo I went home The next day