The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1895-03-12
RICH, A r AND RACY.
Mischief oft, I'm her Various Forms,
Deceiyes the Wisest, and Points to
the old Saw, "All is not Gold
That GIitterS."
"Fools are my theme, let satire be my
song."-Byron's English Bards, Etc.

Ihat GllttefS."
"Fools are my theme, let satire be my
song."-Byron's English Bards, Etc.
Our city was the seat OF an awful
commotion last Friday night perpe-
trPted by some %innocents upon our
quiet and peaceful citizens. The ma
ture of the sensation was an etfigy
formed as q negro man, wonderfully
lifelike, and was dangling from the
Greenville and Laurens trestle directly
over Jail Street near the old iron
foundry. About the time "when graves
give up their dead" or a little earlier
in the night, as for that matter, one
passing this street alone, beholding
this strange figure swaying in the
moonlight, waited to and fro by the
soft March breeZes, and ever and anon
giving vent to the most hideous strang-
ling gutteral sounds, would feel uncom-
Portable, to say the least. a..
No wonder then that q gay colored
Lothario, as he meandered slowly
homeward warbling "Sweet Marie" by
tho babbling brook under said t~restle,
paused, gasped, and grew faint of heart
at the ghostly apparition, from which
such unearthly grOans were issuing.
He very sensibly stopped, and as brave
ly and iudiciously as the Duke of Wei
lington in his Indian campaign at the
battle of Seringaptam turned and He'd,
SO bravely did this negro rush up town,
down to the colored church in which
divine service was at its height, and
give the alarm. This caused a great
confusion, the principal features of
which were uproar, disorder, and u
general break for the door. All the
flock instantly wendell their way thith-
e", and in q very few minutes the road
near the trestle was crowded with dark
les, but just at this juncture there
arose a question worthy OF debate
among them-ls he a real man, or no!
At this moment, when excitement was
at fever heat, tho promising. angels
who invented the joke came forward
on the trcstle and made q startling de-
noument, as well as m amende honor
able, after which the crowd readily dis
persed, without further mOlestation or
annoy.
The intense excitement which had
been dominant among our colored
brethren hit lcrto had carcc subsidized
ere that brave and chivalrous knight
of the Goosequill, Hon. VIM. j. Shell
ton, who stands as christener, sponsor,
precursor and shekel-gatherer to that
world-famed, wonderfully though lear
fully edited Columbia Register, which
las the Hon. VIM, j. Shclton) stands
sworn by laws of chivalry and gain
(queer combination) to redress the
grievances of the people, arrived on
the fated field. Now the Hon. VIM. D.
Shelton is said to be u man OF stern
convictions and stern sense OF Justice,
but we venture his instinct of self-pres-
ervation was made Of "stcrncr stuff':
for no sooner espied he the object of
alright than he bctook to flight, aided
by wings of fear, in such a manner as
to rival the Olympian dreams OF yore:
and to be moro modern, the sound is
suing from the clash of his clothes
together rescmblcd what Longfcllow
SO we'll says:
otis but the tapping Of tho sails,
And not a rent made by the gales"
Never for q moment stopping to
guagc his record-breaking speed until
he had reached the "templc of refuge;
he hied himself to the door and
after b%elaboring the knocker Justify;
succeeded at last in arousing Sheriff
McCravy, who was sMigiy eRSconceS
in his comfortable quarters. Quickly
he and the Sheriff came to the tield of
action armed to the tceth,--immcdl-
atcly upon tho spot they drew their
Winchester rifles and cried: Hold up.
Who have you hcrc?" The answer
came, as the faint, far away sound OF
breakers on the wild Samoan coast to
the eager, b%reathless Shelton, "a
stuffed man to scare some one
[Grcat joy to Sheltonl The Sheriff re-
piled vigorously and cmpEatically:
''You have already scared some one
badly"
Reaction, we'll balanced by NORTH
cation, Immediately took place upon
the mind and body of the gallant Shell
ton as he stood like the poetic Autumn
leaf, trembling in the moons pale ray,
Next morning, ere the tie' y orb had
t~raverscd a large portion of the eastern
horizon, Mr.. Shelton was seen upon
II streets, as a living example Of the
Darwinian theory. G., "the survival
of the fttest.' He returned to Column
bia on the 1890 train Saturday morn
ing, and like Hamlct's ghost, HAS Il
tale to unfold" to Gov. John Gary
Evans, who will doubtless investigate
matters and order the town under mar
tial law.
So instead Of making u chit" for his
paper in the night time, he was salts
fed with "hitting the grit"
Como again, Shelton.
Pr. HI. FL.