Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1895-11-14
HEAR AN ASSESSOR.
HE RELATES HIS EXPERIENCE AND
GIVES A BIT OF ADVICE.

His Piano and Poverty Problem-A Parrot
That Was Cheap at Any Price-A Scene
In Upper Tendon - An Appeal For
Courtesy to the Assessor.
When by telling the truth an evil is
perpetrated, then it is wrong to tell the
truth. I suppose that is the reason SO
many people arc doing good by telling
falsehoods to personal property assess
ors. Tho writer is deputy assessor in
the west town, and at present he is COM
piling book that is full of names and
figures. The names are all right, but
the man who said Figures can't lie"
never assessed personal property.
There are about SO of us assessors,
who form in a line at 0 q. M, move up
to window in Assessor Jacob M.
Horns west town Office, Haymarket
Theater building, and get our books and
blank schedules. These cafskin covered
books contain q little map Of some par
ticular district in the great West Side.
We move out to these districts and go
to work. The town clerk registers our
oaths to faithfully perform the duties
Of an assessor" and the people we as
sess do the rest Of the swearing. That
isn't all. Sometimes they set the dog
on us and otherwise treat us as though
we were book agents. That makes the
assessor warm, and then he interviews
a neighbor regarding property that is
not accessible. And the consequence is
people who "bounced" the assessor will
find valuation placed upon their prop
erty that will cause them to think there
is nothing certain but death and taxes.
Occasionally we find poverty and pi-
ano together. The piano is assessable,
and the poverty isn't. If you assess the
piano, you increase the poverty, and
there you are.
These incongruities come up, and un.
less you have the wisdom Of board Of
equalization there is trouble. Speaking
about this board, have an idea that
they will just about double the poor as
SCISSORS figures when they get down to
work. A keen assessor can locate every
piano in his district. If he doesn't hear
it, everybody else in the neighborhood
has, and they tell him about it. I asked
q real nice looking lady the other day if
she had piano, and she said "No."
"Why, yes, mamma, we have" said
her little girl
The mother said: "Go into the house
this minute, you naughty girl. How
dare you'll" And then the child knew she
had done something wrong She had
told the truth to q nasty, mean assessor.
went into little candy store Oh the
same street. To tho woman behind the
counter I stated my business.
She replied: 81 am poor widow My
God, what will I do?" Tears flowed
down her cheeks, and she sobbed as
though her heart would break. The as
SCISSOR felt so mean that he sneaked out
without asking her name
Even the parrots are down on assess
ors. A Latin street bird told the as
SCISSOR to go to - any number Of times
while he was conducting the inquisito-
rial ceremony.
"That bird speaks very plainly" said
the writer.
"Just hear the dear fellow. He can
say - just as plainly as can. I will
sell him for $15. There's bargain. "
And the lady meant every word she said.
A parrot that can cuss an assessor is dirt
cheap at any price.
This is how they do it on Ashland
boulevard:
Scene, front stoop Of a stone man.
sion. Dramatis personae, lady with
large diamonds in her ears. Negligee at
tire. Assessor with book and an official
smile.
Lady-We are cleaning house today,
all topsy turvy, and you cannot come in.
Assessor-Not at all necessary, my
dear madam, that I should go in. I
have brought this book and my imagi-
nation along, and I can see all that is
necessary. see that this is beautiful
house, and the eye Of my imagination
penetrates these walls. I see a grand pi-
ano, statuary by Throwalstere, paint
ings by the old and new masters, tapes.
tries from India, carpets from Turkey,
china from Dresden, bric-a-brac from
all parts Of the world-in short, every
thing that lady Of your exceptional
Judgment would use in embellishing
such a noble mansion.
Lady-Sir!
Assessor-While can hardly venture
to place a valuation upon such treas
ures will be moderate and say $1O,-
900.
Lady-Do it if you dare! Come in and
see
The assessor went in and found his
mental picture scarcely overdrawn, but
the final courtesy caused a slump in the
valuation.
Here is a bit of advice to persons who
are inclined to resent the intrusion Of
an assessor. The advice does not cost a
cent, but if you do not act upon it you
may be caused no end Of trouble and
money also. Throw your door wide open
to the assessor, invite him in, give him
to understand that you arc the obliged
party and give him the information he
seeks, and it is 10 to that you will be
treated fairly, and point Or two may
be stretched in your favor. Shut him
out, and he will make a record Of the
fact, and in fixing the valuation Of
your property find nothing in your IA
vor. If you go to the Office with your
schedule, the fact that you refused adj
mittance to the deputy is noted, and in
that event you will pay all the law de-
mands. West Side Assessor in Chica-
60 Times-Heralo,
DIPLOMATIC.