Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-04-08
JUST FOR FUN.

III OdI w arm SOUl6 CIcbiAcJ ~
man defecks'', said Uncle Eben, "dal
couldn' be much self esteem"
The only time man of experience
takes his wife into his confidence Ii
to tell her he is not making money.
care you fond of classical music?'
"Why," replied Mrs. Parvie New, sol
course 1 am. That always costs the
most"
Whether an article on how to
keep poultry" Husband-"Cut it out
and send it over to old Henkeep; he
might take the hint.'
Jolly Stranger Ito Policeman No 40
care you marked down from so
cents?" Policeman-'No;b but you're
marked down for cell.'
Miss Mayjune-''Do you believe in
woman suffrage?" Miss Janfeb-
Well-er-I haven't quite come to
that yet, but 1 ride bicycle
els your new maid good about dust
ing and" ooh, dear me, yes; I've
only had her week, and I haven't
whole vase left in the house."
He-''When I was out West [ saw a
man hanged" She-"Wasn't it a
terrible sight?' Hell don't know.
He used to be gripman on cable car"
Lawyer-''Then I understand you
to swear, witness, that the parties
came to high words?" Witness-"No,
sir; wot I say is, the words was par
ticularly low"
''Don't you have a great deal Of
trouble getting seat in the street
cars?" PUNK ''Never." Chow do
you manage it?'' Punk" Always
stand up"
cit pains me very much to smack
you, Johnny" said his mother with
deep feeling, s'and shall have to
pass you over to your father. His
hands are harder"
Teazer-''I know place where
good men always go wrong" Wea-
zer-"Where is it?'' Teazer-''In the
Cannibal Islands when the mission
aries get eaten"
"That lady across the room is going
to make a great name for herself
some day" sin what way?" 'She's
going to marry Russian with 80 let
tiers in his name"
Sayboy-I want to make a match
with Madget. Gayboy-Why don't
you do it? Sayboy-Her father says
it takes money to start a match fac
tory on his premises.
Papa-"How was it that Tommy
Jones reached the head of the class
and you didn't" Dickey-" Cause
he got chance to guess at all the
questions fore l did,"
Old Offender, whom the justice has
just married-What's the charge,
jedge? Judge-Five dollars. Old
Offender Would yer just as soon
make it five days, jedge.
''Now, here is a furnace that we
guarantee to be simple enough for the
average servant to run" Gum! What
you need is one that will run in spite
Of the average servant"
"MacShorte has sold a poem
to Scribners entitled Ode to a Fair
Lady.'n Hulls-"Has he? Well, he is
more competent to write verses en-
titled Owed to Landlady.'''
Banks-The Chinese should engage
some New York boarding house keep
ers to sail their men Of war. Thanks
Not to serve meals for them, hope?
Banks-No; to repel boarders.
First Beggar- Hello! Pickin' up
anything on your rounds these days?"
Second Beggar- Amt nothin' doin'
at ALL had to draw $40 out Of the
bank o-daY ter pull me through"
''Ha, ha! I think those jokes about
the women who shop and don't buy
are too funny" The Other-"Do,
eh? That's because you're not mar
ried and don't have to foot the bills
when they come in"
'Turn backwards,'' pleaded the
maiden, go Time, in thy flight, and
make me young again just for to-
night" ''Certainly" rejoined Time,
affably, "About how far must turn
back ?'' ''None of your business"
OF Wonderful Value, and Free.
Tired bodies, pale and sunken cheeks, bag
ell nil and