The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1895-05-16
HE HANGS PAPER.
Mr.. Wiggle sworth's Experience at
Spring House Cleaning.

AT the nrSt step MT. NlPgleSWOrtn
made into the front hall his foot rested
upon a moist cake of soap, and in
another instant he was over by the
dining-room door with his arms around
the hat-tree and some language trailing
on behind that left a coppery taste in
the atmosphere as it slowly curled up
the front stairs.
''Who left that soap on the floor?" he
yelled, as soon as he could unlock him
self from the hat-tree.
"Why-I-I guess Mary must" stam-
mered Mrs. Wigglesworth, who had
rushed in from the kitchen with
potato masher in her hand We've
are cleaning house, you know"
Cleaning housen' said her husband;
well, s'pose We are? You needn't think
you're going to use me to flop up your
moors with" Mr.. Wigglesworth meant
to say mop up your floors, but the sud
denness of his entrance had temporarily
unhinged his tongue. Think you've
seen me advertised in the back end of
the magazine, don't YEP" he continued,
warranted tosave labor or money re-
funded! Reckon I'm to be had of all
grocers, l s'pose, or sent prepaid on re-
ceipt of price!"
These retOrtS were so keen that Mr..
Wigglesworth found his good-nature
coming back through their exercise,
and he ate dinner without grumbling
more than man has to do ordinarily.
When he went into the sitting room he
found the carpet up and there was
bundle fwall paper in chair.
whats this?' he shifted, suspi-
ciously.
Its wall paper" his wife responded;
81 got it at a great bargain down to
Root & fredericksburg out of new
spring goods just received, at less than
cost"
HUH" grunted her husband, unroll-
ind package and holding it wrong
side up Looks like a case of delir-
ious trimmings"
Yes" tluttered Mrs. Wigglesworth,
sit is the new art, the man said-after
Aubrey Beardsley."
"Who's Aubrey Beardsley?" coldly
returned Mr.. Wigglesworth with
falling infection.
"He-he is-the-the man that has
got up so many new ideas of-of art, ="
Mrs Wigglesworth explained; "they
are quite crazy over him, you know, SO
the man said"
''Well, if they're any crazier than
Beardsley 1 pity EN-" growled her
husband, dropping the roll in disgust.
"Whos going to hoist this nightmare
onto our walls?" he added.
II want you to step in and speak
to the paperhanger on your way down."
his wife returned, timidly.
''Oh, yes, that's it," Mr. Wiggles-
worth snorted, teller with a black
board on his shoulder and hinge in
the middle and four dollars a day"
and then an idea shot into Mr.. Wiggles-
worth's active brain. "B'george!' he
cried, firing with it, ''I'll hang this
paper myself" and he began peeling
off his coat.
But, Ellery," his wife said, in mild
expostulation, you haven't had any
experience"
Experience nothing!" retorted Mr.
Wigglesworth, whats experience got
to do with handy man? Four dollars
days experience enough for me, and
l must be a chump if l can't smear
some moist flour over the rear end of a
few sheets of paper and slap em up
against smooth wall!'
When Mr.. Wigglesworth had made
up his mind to a thing it was like the
French revolution, it had to go. In
brief time he had the hired girl
boiling some paste and Mrs. Wig
ellsworth had tied one of her aprons
about his neck, much to his disgust
She said when all nature was vocal
with the melody of spring, when birds
were t1uting their first glad notes and
a thousand streams made music in their
journey toward the sea, she didn't pro-
pose to have her husband going through
the street with flour paste daubed all
over his new spring clothes
Mr.. Wigglesworth opened one of the
rolls of paper, spread it out on the
dining-room table and, "taking sight"
at the altitude of the room, cut off a
strip that appeared to be the proper
length. Utilizing a crumb brush he
spread on copious quantity of paste
and then lifted the paper by one end.
He put his arms up to their full length
but the other end of the paper still lin
gered on the table.
why don't We take hold of it?" he
said testify to his wife, who stood du-
biously looking on.
So Mrs Wigglesworth appraised the
other end and her husband stood In a
chair. He reached for the border line
of the wall but fell short of it.
"Why don't we go fetch tablet" he
angrily roared at his wife. That's
right!' he shouted as Mrs. Wiggles-
worth dropped her end of the paper
and the pasty side trailed over the back
the chair and chung about his knees.
"You told me to get the table," Mrs
Wigglesworth protested, considerably
Rbashed.
''Oh, of coursev' Mr.. Wigglesworth
snarled clay it all onto me. # I'd
told we to jump through a hoop s'pose
you'd done it! Well!" he yelled, as his
arms began to draw out of their sock