davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
HE TOOK SOMETHING,

Inc HnySlc1an Merely wanted TO snow
He Appreciated a Good Joke.
The other morning as belated member
of the Owl Club was steering home he
passed the house of a well-known physi-
clan, says the Louisville Medical News.
The yestibule of this residence was open,
and on its side was an acoustic tube, under
meath which was the inscription, "Whistle
for DR.. Potts.
Not wishing to be disobliging about so
small matter, the Owl stumbled up the
steps, and, steadying himself against the
wall, blew into the pipe with all the
strength of his lungs.
The physician, who was awakened by
the resultant shrill whistle near his head
arose, and, after wondering at the singular
odor of whisky in the room, CROPPED his
way to the tube and shouted, "Well?"
"Glad to know you're we'll, was the re-
ply, "but being doctor I s'pose you can
keep well at cost price, can't your"
what did you want?" said the man of
pills, not caring to joke in the airy nothing
of his nightgown.
"Wen," said the OWL after a few min
utes' meditation. ooh, by the way, are
you young Potts or old Potts?"
II am DIR. Potts. There is no young
Potts"
''Not dead, hope"
IHGEe never WAS any. nave no son.
"Then you are young Potts and old
Potts, too. Dear, dear, how singular"
what do you want?'' snapped the doc
| tor.
"You know old Mrs. Pevine, who lives il
the next block?''
eyes. Is she sick? What's the mat.
terT'
do you know her nephew, too-Bil
Briggs?'
Eyes. WellPD
| "Well, he went up to Bridgeport shoot
ing, this morning, and"
And he had an accident2 Hold up
minute. III be right down."
"No, he's all right; but he got sixty-twc
ducks7-eighteen of 'em mallards. Thought
| you might like to hear Off,
81 say" came down from the exasperated
NJ. D., that's a jolly good joke, my friend.
Won't you take something?"
"What?" said the surprised humorist
pausing for breath.
"Why, take something. Take this"
| And before the Disguised funny man
| could withdraw his mouth, hastily com
pounded mixture of ink, ipecac and asa
| fetida squirted from the pipe and deluged
him from head to foot, about pint
monopolizing his shirt front and collar.
| And while he danced frantically around,
sponging himself off with his handker-
chief and swearing like pirate in the last
act he could hear an angel voice from
above sweetly murmur:
"Have some more? No? Well, good
| night. Come again soon, you funny dog,
you. By-by."
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09

"Morgenbladet" often does, to accounts of
obscure barber-shop ARRAYS, when it wishes
to represent the true inwardness of Amerl-
can daily life. One result of the persistent
indication OF this doctrine is that l have
met several most cultivated gentlemen
who are remarkably versed in the ways
and manners of Tammany Hall, but whose
study of America otherwise has convinced
them that IL is the common custom among
men of the better classes III New York to
wear pistols in their belts whenever they
go into the streets.
Although SO many Norwegians have
emigrated to America and are loyal and
prosperous in their adopted country, L
should say that the general mental atti-
tude toward America of the solid portion
OF the population here is one of distrust.
They are an exceedingly hospitable and
courteous people. and they are glad to
make you truly welcome and to like you.
But If you win their esteem, as you will if
you deserve it, and are we'll bred, it will not
be as an American representative of Amer
lea, but as white crow.
On the whole, when impressions have
had time to formulate themselves, one
feels that American is here regarded
as the land of inhation of pinch
beck and meretricious manufactures,
untrustworthy stuffs, doctors made
in minute, soulless hurry for wealth. dis
regard for mental and spiritual pleasures
and ends; of raptness in the pursuit and
worship of the dollar; the country where
wealth is more than principle, mind or
breeding, and where a vulgar thirst for
titles remains, other ambition having been
gratifed. 1t made me rather indignant
when one of the boys came home from
school the other day with the news that
one of his masters had been asserting, as a
recognized fact, that every American girl
OF fortune is provided with a list of the
eligible titles of Europe, with notes regard
ing their several merits and dement's, and
that she learns it as part of her regular
business. Yet it is too plainly to be seen
whence such ideas arisel One cannot, in
the face of facts, contradict them as hand
somely as one longs to do.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
Regulating Cotton Production.

The cotton-growers of the South are dis
cussing the problem of how to regulate the
acreage and production of cotton. so as to
prevent glutting the markets every year
and reducing the price below the profit
mark. The Alabama Cotton-growers' AS
ISOLATION recently advocated the agree
ment plan, whereby all growers were to be
pledged to reduce their production a GER
tain per cent for the common good. This
scheme, however, though apparently the
simplest and most effective, was soon found
to be lmpracticable, for its success de-
pended upon the unanimous consent of all
the large growers, and this it was impossi-
BILE to secure. Having abandoned the
agreement plan, then, the growers are now
proposing a substitute which promises to
bring better results, because it strikes at
the root of system that is indirectly re-
sponsible for the yearly increase in cotton
production. 1t is found that decrease of
acreage can hardly be secured so long as
the Southern freedmen are induced to rent
small holdings and pay rental in cotton.
The freedmen secure few acres, and
the whole family plant as much to cotton
as their united labor can achieve. In order
to do this the freedmen secure advances on
their crop from country traders, and when
they have delivered the cotton for rental
the remainder barely suffices, often does
not suffice, to repay the advances.
The number of small growers being very
large the volume OF production is con-
stantly increasing. because the aver
age increases as fast as the freed
men strike out for themselves. It
is now proposed to remedy this by
making rents of such lands payable in live
stock, corn and vegetables, instead of cot
ton. This would not only decrease the cot
ton product measurably, but at the same
sustenance for their families-which at
present they neglect to do, being intent on
raising cotton. Whether the plan sue
ceeds in reducing the cotton acreage or
not it will, if put into practice, be likely to
result in greater variety of agricultural
products, and this is said to be greatly
needed In cotton-g growing districts New
York Post
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
-----------------------
NO HURRY IN NORWAY.

People Take Their Time There and
Wonder at Yankee Visitors.
These Norwegians are wonderfully pa
tient people. They never hurry why
should they2 There is always time enough,
says the correspondent of the New York
Post We breakfast at 8. Monsieur goes
to business at 10 or SO, and returns to his
dinner, like all the rest of the Scandinavian
world, at 2:30. We reach coffee and cigar
cites at about 4, and then monsieur goes
back to his Office, if he likes, for two or
three hours. We sometimes see him again
at supper at $3.50, but usually there is
game of whist, or a geographical So
clety lecture, or a concert, or friend
birthday fete Tan occasion never over
looked by your true Norwegian) or some
one has received a barrel of oysters, and
would not, could not dream of opening
them without champagne and company
masculine company only. 1t seems to me
that there are entirely too many purely
male festivities here. In fact the men say
so themselves, and that they would really
enjoy many of the occasions much more If
ladies were present. But sit is not the
custom OF the country" Ia rock on which
am always foundering) to omit or to
change in such matters. Monsieur only
does as do all the other men of his age,
which is elderly, and condition, which is
solid.
have never accustomed myself to the
| fact that one is expected to stop and wait
| for all approaching carts or vehicles of any
class to pass before attempting. to cross q
| street In town. l am always being stopped
short on the curbstone by a frantic pull at
my arm, and some strange but agonizedly
| friendly voice at my side begging to know
| if don't see that sledge coming, sledge
half block off Perhaps it is because the
street traffic is comparatively small that
the vehicles always have the right of way.
much time. You need not fancy that the
driver will hasten the jog of his stock little
! yellow pony, when he sees you waiting.
| Nothing of the sort. That is as it has
been. It is quite meet that you wait.
There is curious feeling concerning
America over here in one way and another.
| "Morgenbladet," the chief Conservative
paper, an organ locally of the first import
ance Keeps sort of horror chamber OF
| Americana. The reason is, suppose, that
in these very dark and troublous political
times, when not only the union, but the
monarchy itself, is threatened and totter-
ing, the Conservative interest thinks il
dangerous to allow any virtue to appear in
republic, and especially in ours, the most
Furnishing and therefore the most PERM
cious example of that invention of evil
bred.
Day after day they seem to rifle the cable
dispatches for dreadful tales of failures
crime and disaster, but if word OF good
or neutral import appears, it is only be
cause it is too important to be overlooked
it is very briefly expressed, and usually
gloomily commented upon.
l have often thought. in reading ovel
these dismal matters, that our papers fur
nish US with far too much of such materia
on large scale to make it necessary for {
| hostile foreign press to betake itself, al
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
Side View Of Thomas Morgan's APP
paratus.
From a mechanical draloing.l

frame to the truck. When down the
frame forms an angle of about two degrees
with the track, which is about the angle a
shovel is held to take up an object from
the ground. The front end being close to
the street surface and beveled on the IN
der side, will slide along the ground and
get under any loose body on the street and
carry it along safely on the netting.
The frame can be raised up to the posi-
ton shown by dotted lines by pressing
down on lever with one foot, and held
there by turning cleat over the lever
footpiece.. In case the fender is needed, by
turning the cleat the fender falls in place.
Albert Willis, practical machinist,
whose shop is at % Sacramento street, is
the inventor of two simple and compare
lively inexpensive car-fenders, which, he
says, have found favor in the eyes of Man
ager Vining of the Market-street Railway
Company. Fender l is rubber-covered
roller attached to the car a few inches
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
MAILING A STAMP.
How 1t Can Be Done without Trouble
or Discomfort,

or Discomfort.
How many people know how to mail
stamp in letter. Nine people out of ten
;sti tx it so carefully down that the recip-
emit always loses his tenn per and generally
the stamp in his effort to release It. 1t is
really more exasperating than when the
sender forgets altogether the stamp he
should have inclosed, for then, at lea st, it
is not wasted. Even the most extrava CANT
Of US seldom have souls above saving
stamp, for it is, strangely, far dearer to ms
than the two cents it represents. The
tenth person sends it loose, which is well
enough, providing it does not slip out I'M
seen and vanish, as these totally depraved
small things have habit of doing. The
proper way is a sim pie one. Cut with
sharp penknife two parallel Sits at the ton
OF your letter and slip in your stamns.
which will thus travel as safely as if in a
special paper case. Perhaps YOU have been
In country village where money orders
and postal notes are unknown. and for
some reason it becomes nece ssary to send
change in letter. Cut a piece of LIGHT
cardboard the size of the enyelope and
from this cut circular pieces the size of
your coins. Insert the coins and paste
slip of paper across one or both sides
sDemorest's Magazine.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09

estate, with a Tudor or Elizabethan man
sion having twenty bedrooms, five recep-
ton rooms and 800 to 1000 acres of land:
would pay about f500 00."
A representative of the Associated Press
questioned the real estate agent as to the
identity of this wealthy American. He
said that the American referred to was at
present in London, but that his client did
not wish his Identity to be revealed under
any circumstances. Careful investigation
has thus far failed to identity him.
There was an animated scene at Water
loo railway station to-day upon the de-
parture of the special train for Southamp-
ton with passengers of the American line
steamship Paris, who will sail for New
York on board of her. Among those pres
ent were the United States ambassador.
Hon. T. F. Bayard, James Roosevelt, Mr..
Carter and several prominent Americans.
All these gentlemen gathered there to bid
farewell to Professor Andrew D. White.
Senator Redfeld Proctor, formerly Sec
rotary of War, and Mrs. Proctor, are also
passengers sailing for New York to-day on
the Paris.
Dispatches received from Athens say the
OASofdtiOh6 OCIpliA hdfO AOSUioSo LII
fresh and interesting discoveries, the most
remarkable being some high reliefs of
great beauty, representing the labors of
Hercules.
Mrs. Parnell, widow of the great Irish
leader, is in broken health at the seaside.
She has decided to destroy all of the late
Mr.. ParnelPs letters. They have been care
fully examined, and reveal few matters of
interest. The Parnell estate is just being
wound up, and the creditors will ultimately
receive 10 shillings on the pound. Mr..
Parnell's debts amounted to $4,000.
The Joy over the Prince of Wales vic
tory with Florizell II, in the race for the
Manchester cup, is naturally heightened
by the Americans defeat and the belief
that the transatlantic visitors lost heavily.
The Sun commenting on the defeat of
Banquet says:
sour visitors cleverness is only visible
when they are running horse in tenth
rate company. The first time they met a
fairly representative field both horse and
jockey failed to meet expectations"
A heavy consignment of American and
Canada horses was sold here yesterday.
They were much admired and found many
buyers. Nineteen American horses, ex-
ported by W. Fl. Forester of Iowa brought
an average of 6S guineas each.
COpyright,
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
She Had Drawn on Him,

A little man with nervous tread, carry
ing small gripsack, hurried through the
entrance to the big hotel and across the
lobby to the desk, where he hastily regis
tered.
81 want a good ROOM" he said, as he
threw down his pen and looked up into the
calm face of the clerk. "Wife's away
room on the second f1oorf"
The clerk nodded.
''Good!'' said the newly arrived guest.
"Nothing above would suit me. Want it to
be as near as possible to the Office Four
weeks ago my wife left me. Summer re-
sort, you know. Nothing but pleasant
letters from her. Everything lovely so far
me for cent. Think of it'll Not a cent.
Can have my meals sent to my room?"
ayes, sir" said the clerk with a sup
pressed yawn.
''That's right" said the man on the out
side of the desk. "Not cent" he NUT
tered to himself under his breath, mot a
red cent. Doctor in the house?"
Eyes, sir.
How is he-pretty good'"
sGood in an emergency, Ell? Good for a
sudden call? Up on heart disease?"
Certainly. sir"
Splendid Now, have you tele-
phone?"
eyes, sir. Look here" exclaimed the
clerk; whats wrong, anyway? You look
well enough. What's the matter? What's
all this fuss about?"
The little man leaned forward confide u
tally.
"That's what I don't know" he said
"You never can tell. / must be pre-
pared - be prepared for anything.
Yes, sir,'' he muttered, hoarsely
"no one knows. I'm not a strong
man. 1 cannot tell what it may be. You
say you have telephoneP"
That's what said, answered the clerk
what are you"
The little man caught him feverishly by
the arm.
"Listenl" he broke in, as he thrust 6
small paper out on the desk. Here j.
the telephone number of my bank. This
morning, sir, after four weeks, foul
weeks Of pleasant, gossipy, CHEEKY, loving
letters, l received q postal-card from my
wife, saying that she had drawn on me
| and when the bellboys have been ap
prised, when the doctor has been notified
and stands in readiness at a moments
notice, when all precautions have beer
taken, wish you would ring them up, ane
then come upstairs and tell me what the
amount of that draft is. "-Harper's Bazaar
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
Their Wants Are Few.

A little tobacco, croquet set and an
organ. This is the substance of a rather
sympathetic request made OF DR.. Isidore
Dyer, president of the leper board, by the
inmates of the home. The seventeen
lepers who are at the Leper Home, isolated
from the rest of the world, and nearly all
OF whom are physically disabled from
working, during recent visit of DR.. Dwyer
to the place made the above request of him.
Books are sent by friends, but the lepers
get tired OF doing nothing but reading.
some OF them indulge in smoking, and
beg for tobacco; some would like the di-
version of croquet playing, and all have
appealed for an organ, upon receipt OF
and add Sunday services of praying and
singing to the monotony of their aimless
dreary existence.-New Orleans Times
Democrat.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09

Hauling in the Shad.

When the half-circle outlined by the
casks is less than one hundred feet in
diameter the interest becomes feverish
and the float is scene of intense but
subdued excitement. Two lines of men,
with straining muscles, haul steadily on
the hand-lines, suggesting the athletic
even the engine coughs and splutters
as though collecting its energies for the
critical moment now approaching. The
silence is unbroken except by the voice
OF the superintendent giving his orders,
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09

above the ground. The roller turns in the
opposite direction to the wheels while the
car is in motion, and he says that any OBJ
ject coming into contact with it will be
rolled uninjured upon the fender. Fender
has the same backward revolving cylinder
as No. 1, but in addition to it there is
heavy rubber band stretched across the
front of the car several inches above it.
The band is designed to prevent the bruis-
ing of body struck by the car.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
TWO STREETCAR TENDERS.
The Scoop-Like Device of Oak
lands Engineer, Thomas
Morgan.
THE OTHER GUARDS INVENTED.
A Revolving Roller Invented by AL
bert Willis to Save Life
and Limb.

Thomas Morgan, ex-City Engineer of
Oakland, has invented a fender for electric
or cable cars which he believes will pick
up any body coming in front of the car.
1t consists of wire netting on frame
which is hinged at the rear end of the
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-09
A Prudent Mayor.

Two years ago there was an outbreak Of
cholera i'll France, and instructions were
forwarded to the Marie of certain village
to take all necessary precautions, as the
epidemic was rapidly spreading.
At first our worthy magistrate did not
know what to do. After a while, however,
he reported that he was ready to receive
the dread visitor. Upon inquiry being
made it was discovered that by his orders
sufficient number of graves had been
dug in the local cemetery to bury the en-
tire parish if required.-El Nervion.
The snow chaffin and Alpine accentor,
both common in the Alps, seem to have
preference for cold mountainous regions,
and both will soar as high as 1900 feet in
pursuit of insects.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09

Hell don't believe in long en-
gagenents-do you, Miss Alethea -
She-"No, Mr.. Bunthorn; | prefer
short ones and many of them"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09

1t would be good thing if people
could not play the banjo until they
know how
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09
ONE ON FITZHUGH LEE.

Apropos of Lee, of Virginia, Il story
which General Fitzhugh Lee told on
himself several years ago is u good
illustration OF the love the Confed-
crate soldiers bore General Robert +.
Lee. As was well known, General
FitZhugh Lee was at the head of the
cavalry, who were much envied by the
infantry men, who had to walk
through the mud and dust.
After General Robert E. Lee had
surrendered, General Fitzhugh Lee
rode away from Appomattox. While
riding through a lane he met an old
North Carolina soldier.
''Ho, there - cried General Lee.
Where are you going?"
I've been off on furlough, and
am now going back to join General
Bob Lee" replied the old soldier.
You needn't go back, but can
throw your gun away and return
home, for Lees surrendered
Lees surrendered
THAT'S what said, replied Gen
eral Lee.
1T must have been that id Fitz
Lee, then" he cried. Bob Lee
would never surrender and the sol
der put on look of contempt and
walked on.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09

-Green Gates-''Is your son doing
we'll at college - Halsey Putnam
Not as we'll as expected he's only
playing center field"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09
TIE EGISAND INTELLIGENCER
BEL AIR, Nd, AUGUST 9, 1895,
DREAMIAN Nd.

BEL AIR, Nd, AUGUST 9, 1895,
DREAMLA Nd.
Where signs the whispering linden
To summers lightest breeze,
Where tuneful birds make music
Unseen mid shady trees
How sweet awhile to linger
Beside some babbling stream,
And lulled by its soft murmur
To fall asleep and dream
What strange fantastic pictures
Pass mirroTed DER the brain
As youth forgets its troubles
And age grows young again.
The past. no more remembered,
Makes way for what shall he.
And scenes of future gladneSS
Are all the dreamers see.
All, would these idle fancies
Might sometimes pTove them true
Nor fade away to nothing
And vanish from the view ,
Fond thought! But cease repining.
Perchancc tits happier thus
To leave unsOlved life's riddle
Nor ask what waits for us.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09
EASY WINDOW DRESSING.

Applicant-''I see you advertise for
a window dresser
Dry Goods Merchant-"Yes, sir.
Have you had much experience.
II arranged the window display in
the store | worked in last, and every
woman who passed stopped and look
ed i'm
That's something like. You're
just the man we want. By the way,
what line was your firm in p
mirrors"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09
Piles plies! Itching Piles.

YMPToMs-Moisture; intense itching and
singing; most ut night; worse by scratching
If allowed to continue tumors form, which
often bleed and ulcerate, becoming very sore.
Swayne's Ointment stops the itching and bleed
ing, heals liberation, and in most cases re-
moves the tumorS. At druggists, or by mail.
for so cents. DR.. Swayne Son, Philadelphia.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09

Simply apply "Swayne's Ointment" No in
ternal medicine required. Cures letter, eczema,
face, hands and nose, etc, leaving the skin
clear, white and healthy. Its great healing and
curative powers are possessed by no other REM
edy.-Ask your druggist for Swaync's Oint-
ment.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-08-09

The best Salve in the World for Cuts, Bruises,
Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever Sores, letter,
Eruptions, and positively cures Piles, or no pay
required. 1t is guaranteed to give perfect
satisfaction, or money refunded. Price 25
cents per box. For sale by DIR. VIM S. Richard
Son s. Son, Druggists, Bel Air. Md.