The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1895-01-09
AGRICULTURAL.
Farmer Stebbins at 70 ,tball.

Farmer StebbinS at 70 ,tball.
While walisin' up the village street, hghtln there
Some twenty feers more or less, as fierce as fierce
could bel
Twas nedder nigh to where the college late was
built.
An not proper place for blood to be unduy split;
SO. very peacably Inclined an al'ays actin thus,
thought. I'll try what may be done to regulate
the fuss"
My goodness, how them fears htl They'd punch
each other there
Like hungry cattle when the frost nibbn through
the arl
An one would pick up somethin' quick. an run OF,
fit to kill,
with several others chasin' him, as chickens
times will;
Then IL he on his stomach fell there right in his
distress
They'd pounce upon him. hard an square, dozen.
or less.
An when my eyes untangled 'em, an glanced 'em
through an Ger,
To my surprise found I'd seen full half of 'em be-
forei
Young caleb stubbs, who once was raised across
the road from me-
But had thought before, would hurt
ailin' flea;
Au' Joseph Mnks, who's arays fit wheneer he had
chance,
Was gay an much to home as Frenchmen at
dance
An Thomas TUFTS, who's ben' taught so he himself
can teach;
An Samuel Strap, who's tranin' SOS to have a call
to preach
An Peter pills, who'll day strive to cure the
world. doubt,
Was strivin hard, apparently, to kill an wipe em
out;
An several others all appeared to do what death
they could,
From whom I'd alays looked for things a thousan
times good.
An what still deeper troubled me- lot o. folks near
by
Didn't seem 10 care to hold 'em back, an wouldn't
even try,
But sort O. toiled to help to help 1t on, an make
hghtn' din:
An girls would grit their teeth an holer
Boys. go inl"
An then says, Them fellers all appear in Deaths
employ;
joy"
An terrified at what they'd done, an what they
meant to do,
struggled hard to recollect Riot Act or two.
But naught appeared that could reach on Mem.
DRY cluttered shelf,
An so had. might say, to make up my
self
Iwildly rushed into their midst an yelled with all
my might
See here, now, boys, this school wasn't built to
teach on how to 1ghti"
But stil they all kept their way as fierce as fierce
could be,
An none of them was blessed with sense to listen
unto me:
But while still upheld the right, in words won't
repeat,
Tn appare of all their fuss rolled plump be.
twxt my feetl
An then such bulletin amidst the angry waves of
strife
Inever yet had In all my earthly lfel
I've sported in skatin rink, an helped to dust the
floor;
I've served drift wood in the waves of Jerseys
stormy shore;
I've clutched tall toboggansl the while my
cheek did blanch,
Then. lettn' go reluctantly, became an avalanche;
I've ent red cars on Brooklyn bridge twixt five an
six o'clock;
But these was Gully zephyr breaths beside earth
quake shock!
They jumbled me. they tumbled me- some several
feers deep.
Until give up every sense an feebly fell asleep
An when woke and mildly asked If all my bones
was there
No one contiguous seemed to know, specially to
care;
But several fellers with their face all black an blue
an red,
Jumped up an down, awavin' hans an shoutn
"Were aheadv
"Now who's ahead?" says I, when a listenin' ear
could find;
Whoever it's here's old fool that's several
rods behind!
Why are you studying carnage here-whst is this
all about?
An then they hollered, Football dad we've gone
an cleaned 'em outl"
Whereat says, If this is what you call friendly
game.
Heaven shield me from your courtesies, snd help me
dodge the samel"
Then everybody laughed an joked, rejoicin' in the
crimes,
An said Old man, the trouble is you're way be-
hind the timesl"
An then said; "All right I'll keep behind 'em If
you please;
Hind anything to shield me from such COINS on as
tbese
An when Pm anxious suddenly from this world to
escape,
I'll 20 an dance on dynamite an do 1t up in SHAPED"
VIII Carleton, in Harpers Magazine.