The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1895-03-25
(ete. 70.


That there is many true word spoken
in jest will probably not be debated by
readers of this column,-not even though
they be Republican members of the con-
stitutional convention. 1t is also true
that my brother NJ. DIS dearly love a
joke-especially so when it is on the
ether Fellow. For their particular benefit.
l reproduce from the New York Herald
the following, and label it, For Doctors
Only
1t is an odd trait in human nature that
a man who has been ordered by his ply
stefan to take paregoric will never take it
if there is any carbolic acid or prussic
acid in the house that he can absorb in
preference.
Statisticians who have studied the thing
declare that an invalid will search the
whole house for a poisonous drug and
drink 1t rather than the medicine ordered
by the doctor. The death notices in the
newspapers in cases of that kind are gem
orally headed: TOOK the Wrong Medi-
cine.''
man arrived at his home the other
evening, and, glancing on the bureau.
saw a bottle of liquid that he had been
ordered by the doctor to take.
-. That looks like the stuff" said he,
put m not sure. As | was locking up
the cellar saw behind an old shelf
blue bottle that looked as if it hadn't
been touched for years. 1t said on it,
Sulphuric Acid. Now that bottle on the
out of last night, but still have an idea
that the stuff down in the cellar is what
the doctor means for me. l don't know
how the dickens it got down there when
It meant for me to take or how this
bottle that isn't meant for me to take
got on this bureau. But I'm not gong
to take any chances. I'll just go down
into the cellar and make sure, and I'll
throw this stuff out of the window "
Then he cautiously went down stairs
and took the sulphuric acid and he was
buried In due form after an ambulance
surgeon had done his best and the coro-
ners physician had made a complete in
vestigation and autopsy.
1t isn't only children who make these
plumbers Doctors will tell you that they
have only to label bottle. Lotion; for
External Application Only" to make sure
OF its being drunk. If a patient gets
bottle of corrosive sublimate to put on a
felon on his great toe and doesn't use it
all he will carefully save it. Ten years
afterward a doctor gives some cough
hunts up the corrosive sublimate bottle,
plays three-card monte with it and the
mixed up so that he can't tell one from
the other, and then when he feels that
ughtnesS across the chest that the doctor
told him about he swallows a part of the
corrosive sublimate and leaves his wild
ow to collect the life insurance. BY no
accident is the cough mixture ever taken
it is always the corrosive sublimate.
President Cleveland has pardoned Blue
Duck. Had he been named Canvass-Back
the bird would never have gotten away.
At times. they do some very peculiar
things-in Wyoming. Therefore. the fol-
lowing from the News-Register, will
probably be believed in this city: ''An
Evanston woman cured her husband
staying out nights this way: When she
heard her husband, whose name was
John. at the door. she whispered through
stays at home now, sleeps with one eye
open. and keeps revolver under his pill
low
Great is the cigarette. Newspapers de-
nounce it, parents caution their boys
and their girls too. for that matter
against it's use; legislators attempt to
prevent the sale of the injurious little
stick; but yet King Cigarette claims its
victims by the thousands. Undertakes
may come and undertakes may CO. but
the little white package goes on forever
The above reflections were caused by
the perusal in the New York World of
the following story:
Just around the corner from the Pulit-
ger building. on Frankfort street, a
thrifty young German runs a lunchroom
which is a mere hole in the wall. The.
customers are mostly newsboys and of
fee boys of the vicinity, who are obliged
to stand on the sidewalk while they drink
coffee at two cents per cup and eat pie
at three, cents per half pie.
A week or SO ago rival opened up
across the street. who announced an
equally economical menu. There is not
trade enough in the locality to support
tickle crowd was passing over to the
newcomer and the original caterer was
growing Respondent. a bright idea oc-
very cheap cigarettes. These he removed
from their packages and heaped into a
cigar box. To every patron, whether the
o oie MAS IS Simple cup Gf eoee ana
for which the total charge is three cents.
he presented a cigarette. Within twelve
hours he had lured back his hayward Gus
toners, and three days later he noted
with satisfaction the closing up and
abandonment of the field by his rival.
when little Charlie Ross was kid
mapped his brother Walter was also cap
he was liberated. Walter has recently
been married."-Ex. Appears to be a
case of double loss.
Even the staunchest Republicans admit
that in the constitutional convention, the
contest is between quantity and quality
and the quality is with the Democrats.
IL pains me greatly 10 see tnat the
morning and evening church organs are
compelled to disagree over the PROPOSE
ton that the Book of Mormon is the
Mormon Bible The morning sheet
made the assertion, and it was promptly
called to taw by the evening sheet. For
a new convert, however, the Tribune is
doing fairly well.
The first thing done by Ben Rich. edi-
tor of the Silver Hammer, says the Boise
Democrat, upon returning home, was to
drop upon his knees and spend the night
in prayer. And he has devoted six hours
every day since in prayerful suppli-
cations. Praying that the Almighty
would forgive him for having supported
and voted for Governor Mcconnell. We
knew how it would be. The Idaho Dem