Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-05-16
Sprinklcs Of SPICE.

Sprinklc> Of Spiu:.
Don't you think Tic man who mar
ries for money is Il fool:" 'EIc is.
unless he gets it III advance. Indian
apolis Journal.
Fuddy-Thc Villain: l:nt yon made
him swallow his N:o-,:,?" buddy
How could J, wien L.cy were so bit
ter?-Bcston Transc::p,
Want ANY mo;'sc :ran>: come buy
one, do"' NO thanks: W, have no
mice" 'Acil, I'll throw en- IN with
pleasure" '-Hu:Eo-istiscAc~.
In the Cleaning -She ponting at
ut 4 star)-Ah. :hc:c is Orion. Voice
from the darkncssl-.Yea arc mistak-
en-, mum, it's OKcilly.-Life.
Wool-T don't 500 now dealer can
afford to iron all tho silk hats lie sells
Van Pelt-Has to Go IL: they'd last too
long if he diln't.-Haricm Life.
BEG pardon, but what did you say
was the name Of your Kentucky
friend" ''Col. Vandcwater" Col.
Vande--what?"--C Cincinnati Tribune.
Jaggers weakly facetious) - tn
think l was burglar. IN dear? Mrs.
Jaggers-No! A burglar wouldn't have
taken half the time to get in!-Life.
Blobbs-What's the difference be-
tween gloves and policemen?, Slobbs
Give it up. Blobbs-Well, gloves are
usually on hand.-Philadelphia Rec
ord.
Miss McFlirter--I have refused seven
offers of marriage since last season.
Miss c. Vere-Quite a sleight of hand
performer, aren't you?--New York
Ledger.
Wife--Mrs. Ailer has gone abroad to
be treated by a Partisan physician.
Husband-So? She always had pre-
objection for French heels.-Boston
Transcript
"Why do you punch that hole in my
ticket:' asked a little man of the rail-
road conductor. $50 you can pass
through" was the reply.-Boston Com
mercial Bulletin.
II see you have a safe in your din
ing-room." said Perkins, who was Wis.,
iting farley. us that for your silver"
NO; that's my wine-cellar," said Jar
ley.-Harper' Bazaar.
Mrs. Kicksey-Why do you suppose
the high hat is making so much trou-
BILE? Kicksey-Because there's wo-
man ut the bottom Of it, of course
Philadelphia Inquirer.
"Jinkins, believe you have some
Of the elements Of success about
YOU" "Not dollar, OLD man. Honor
bright You'd be welcome to 1t II
hau.'-Chicago Tribune.
Twill you have the chicken dress
ed?" asked the poulterer. NO." re-
piled young Mrs. Hunnimune; "you
may send it to me-er-in the alto
scther." Star.
First Actor-What. don't you like
this play? know one man. now, who
thinks it is simply great. Second Act
or-Who is that? First Actor--The
understandable Journal
Prospective Tenant Ito aganO-You
say this house is just stones throw
from the depot. Well, all l have to
say is have great admiration for the
man who threw the stone.-Life.
"Yes," remarked the telephone girl
as she gazed out ut the waves and
wondered what their number was, II
am connected with the best families
in our ity."-Indianapolis Sentinel
Bouncing lawyer-"Then you are pre-
pared to swear that the parties came
to high words?' Coster witness-"Nay.
didna say that l should say they was
particularly low words. - Sheffield
Week.
Don't you think that good many
of these Easter bonnet jokes are over
drawn?' she inquired. YES" replied
her cheerless husband; land good
many bank accounts. "-Washington
Star.
Johnny Smart-'"There's a big differ.
ence between my teacher and a streak
of lightning" Mrs. Smart-"How so,
son?' Johnny Smart--"He strikes sew
eral times in the same place. '-Phila.
delphia Inquirer.
She-"I think there is considerable
room for improvement in ladies' dress
es nowadays" He-"Well, in the
sleeves especially, should say there
was room enough for almost any
thing. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Professor-"To what did Xenophon
owe his reputation" Student-"Prin-
cipally to the fact that his name COM
menced with X, and came in so handy
for headlines in alphabetical copy
books. "-Pearson's Weekly.
Mrs. Gray Ito friend who has been to
the prayer meeting)-"Did you have a
good meeting?" Mrs. White-"Rather
uninteresting. None of the men who
spoke had ever done anything bad
Boston Transcript.
Julia-"Do you consider Mr.. Nippy
mean man:" Nellie--"Mean? Not only
mean, but cowardly. Why, he never
will take q seat in street car for fear
he will have to give it up to some wo-
man."-Boston Transcript.
Hoax-'I see they have new name
for those high buildings which are be-
ing erected" Joax-"Indeed? What Is
it," Hoax-"They are called serial
buildings, because they are continued