Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-10-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Siftings.
The cold ham is far more welcome
to the unlucky than the "cold shoul-
der. Puck.
The burden of one man is bag OF
gold. while the burden of another is
an empty pocketbook. Dallas News.
Go to the sea. athletic one,
Nerves, health and strength TO reach;
For sand and grit you'll find galore
And mussels on the beach.
Judge.
She (lreamily)-"Only fancy
month from to-day we shall be mar
ried." He (abssntlyl--"Well. let's
be happy while we can. illustrate l
Bits.
"It is the hand that cradles the
rocks" croonel Old Bullion, gloating
over the contents OF his strong box,
"that moves the world. Chicago
Tribune.
The new woman may not be able to
sharpen her own lead-penciI, but she
has the paragrapher on the jump inst
now keeping point on his. -Yonkers
Statesman.
Dagget-'I wonder what's the mat.
ter with Growium to-day?" Nagget
-s'Why, is he sick?" Dagget-No /;
he seems to be all right to-day. y
Boston Courier.
Though take medicine at night
To give msra biz appetite,
ia rather have cake any day,
To take my appetite away.
PUCK.
Bighead "They say man shoul'l
never look gift horse in the mouth. :"
Wisely = "That is very true. He
knows nothing of its habits aud it
might bite him. Truth.
''Heve good time at the lecture 2"
"Naw, didn't amount to shucks. His
subject was Ancient Greece and he
never once mentioned the price OF
pork. Dansville Breeze.
Optician Ito his new clerk -"Now,
in sending out those price lists write
the addresses as small as possible, 50
that those reading them may feel how
badly they need glasses. "-Tit-Bits.
SAlu Jones. L tutl ( tne Iulluu
Who follows out his bent
Would make a good detective, for
He's always on the cent.
Truth
Ready aud Willing: He -"Will
you marry me?" She -"Certainly." ;"
He Thanks. Twas afraid yon were
going to say it was too sudden. She
-"It couldn't be. Washington
Star.
Piano Tuner-"Good day, madam /;
I came to tune your piano" Pianist
-"But I did not send for you. I"
Piano Tuner krow. but your next
door neighbor did. Memphis Scim.
eter.
A correspondent asks" What
should bow-legged man do?" This
is a hard question to answer, but
when he hasn't got anything else to
do he should be whooping for wider
styles in trousers. Texas Siftings.
81 wonder" said young lady,
"why Hymen is always represented as
carrying torch?" To which her
bachelor uncle sneeringly responded: !:
ITO indicate that he always makes it
warm for people who marry. Tit
Bits.
"Of course" said the practical girl,
"there is such thing as love at
sight" ''pm so glad to hear You say
it," replied her romantic friend.
"Yes-but I'd always advise giving it
at least thirty days to settle, just the
same. Washington Star.
Elsie-"Yes, dear, my husband is o
doctor, and lovely fellow, but he is
awfully absent-mindsd." Ada-"fn.
deed!" Elsie" "Only fancyl During
the marriage ceremony, when he gave
me the ring, he felt my pulse and
asked me to put out my tongue. !"
Ada-'Well he won't do the latter
again" "-Tit-Bits.
Steinitz, the chess player, some
times becomes SO absorbed in consid.
ing problem that he will stand still
IL the most crowded thoroughfsre. 1t
is related Of him that on one occasion
he caused such an obstruction that q
policeman told him to move on. "Ex-
cuse me, replied the champion ab.
sently, "but it is your move. "-Argo.
naut.