Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1895-10-11

"YOu re q dandy hOusekeeper, ain your!
growled Mr.. Wigglosworth as he fought
his way toward tho stove while his vito
stood on box and volunteered advice.
Railways have things handy. you do!
Hints on Housekeeping, by Mrs. Wig
ellsworth, in two volumes, with full
glossary and key. Specially recommended
for young people who have their own
house and want to keep 1t themselves.
That's what you are"
To this sort of running accompaniment
Mr.. Wigglesworth snatched his way
through tho debris, pausing now and thon,
when he encountered an ambushed nail,
to put his fingers into his mouth and i'm
parting thereby weird tone to tho howl
that he gave Won't to.
"Who nailed tho thing down?' he an
grily called rs he finally got in where his
hands could grip the stove. He was bont
over in the most painful manner, which
afforded him but little breath to spare.
Everybody Knows how mad that makes
man.
II think" Mrs. Wigglesworth ti:nidly
ventured, "chat it's heavier than yo1
thought"
"Oh, yes" growled Mr.. Wigglesworth,
YOU'RE great thinker, you are. You're
the woman that stands around on ono foot
thinking up things for tho poor. I've
read about you in tho literary reviews.
Thoughts That Mrs. Wigglesworth Has
Thought Or! Particularly designed for
people who have to have their thinking
done elsewhere! All you want to do is to
get Mr.. Gladstone to read ono Of your
books and your fortunes made. Why
don't you como and catch hold Ecro9" he
yelled.
MERCY" calculated Mrs. Wigglesvorth,
startled from her perch by tho intensity Of
her husbands command. II didn't know
you wanted NC to help!'
"What' tho reason you didn't?' returned
Mr.. Wigglosworth "Think I've got tho
only back in tho family that needs break
ingS Want no to pull my ;arnis out to
double length, don't you, SOS you can use
mo to fool around on tho top shelves Of
closets and find things? That's what you
want
"It's-it;s awful heavy" complained
Mrs. Wigglosworth as she bent over and
fastened her grasp on the iron edge.
"Poh!" shifted her husband. "Thore you
so first thing, finding fault. Why don't you
lift and not stop to growl so muchf'
The setting sun, looking negligently In
at the cobwebbcd window, impaired an al
most unearthly radiance to tho distorted
countenanoe Of Mr.. Wigglosworth as ho
strained at the refractory stove and SO set
q noble example to his wife, with that
worthy woman so ably emulated as to
burst both back seams of her waist
"Where's that hired girl9' snarled Mr..
Wigglesworth. parlsing to wipe his face
and so orna,uenting himself with some ar
tistio smoochcs of SCOT. "What you got hor
concealed for just the time we need her
most? Thinks she's too good to lift on a
parlor stove pro'bly. Has to save her
strength for the dance tomorrow night
Mrs Wigg!esworth called the girl, who
camo out wiping her hands on the cup
towel.
"Hero," directed Mr.. Wigglesworth,
"you two women take hold of the top,
and I'll snatch out the lower end. See?'
Whether the hired girl possessed a
strength hitherto undreamcd of or the ear
lier efforts had disengaged the numbering
kindlings and other impedimenta from
about the stove legs, it remains q fact that
the very first boost sent tho whole process
sion careoring rockily across the shed floor,
the stove surging and topping and Mr..
Wigglosworth S, vertebra sending forth a
cracking noise that was ominous.
"Put it down. he grunted as loud as
his bent position would admit. "What you
trying to do anyway" he clustered as he
Strengthened up and glared at his assist
ants. "Want to snap me in twoT'
"It seemed to come ITSELF" painted Mrs.
Wigglesworth looking at the stove.
"Course it did, retorted Mr.. Wigglos-
worth scornfully. "Leave it alone, and it
would waltz clean into the parlor pro'bly,
stick its pipe in the chimney and go to
smoking. Great stove, that!'' he added
and then stopped a few minutes to grin
over the unexpected joke he'd made.
''Now ketch hold again. he ordered,
and this time he took the lighter end him.
self, while Mrs. Wigglesworth and 1mo-
gene rugged with freshened zeal at the op-
pOsite extremity.
Across the cluttered shed floor they went
slowly shuffiing, their heels occasionally
catching against things and threatening
disaster, while Mrs. Wigglesworth, whose
tender hands were lacerated, dropped hot
tears from hor bullying eyes and OCCASION
ally hoisted up a sob.
"What you bellering at9" pulled Mr.. Wig
ellsworth testify. "Don't you know any
better than to cry all over cast iron stove
and rust? Great household economizer,
you arel''
Then they came to the stop that rises
from the shed to tho kitchen door, and Mr..
Wigglesworth, by virtue Of bearing the
lighter end, essayed to take this backward.
careful, nowp' he shouted as the hired
girl, in proof that she was not exhausted,
gave an energetic shove. "You amt
washing dishes this time. Be q little
easierl''
Then he stepped gingerly upward, and
his female conductors trailed afterward.
"Liftl Why don't you lift?" he shouted
az the effort Of stepping upward oommu-
nioated unexpected weight to his burden.
"Think, I'm going to do all-wow"
The concluding remark was forced out
of him suddenly, as the bung leaves a
fermented beer key, by the unexpected en-
thusiasm of the hired girl, who, giving
shoulder, grandly sent the stove full into
Mr.. Wigglesworth's stomach and pinned
that gentleman against the kitchen door
Just as the woman who lives across the