Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-06-16

people swearing that I was IA hero. They
thought that none but the braysst would
venture out on such limbs tmind you'
ladies. I say lmbs) as l had. In response
to your favor of even date I regret 10
say that am still as heroic as ever
that my limbs have never assumed such
Dimensions as would justify my appear
ance as premier danseur. And So my
appearance In bicycle-suit would bring
dishonor on our family escutcheon, and
stain our fair name. which appears In
the city directory In nice. large type. But
am not by myself. ! know others avho
would never be mistaken for the Apollo
Belvidere. Short-pants would reveal a
state OF affairs which would make US
think that Shakespeare erred when he
said.
"Oh. frailty. thy name Is woman!'
In this connection / should like to ask
why II Is that people have no legs now
adays. In the sweet, calm, hour or
my patched-pants boyhood we all had
legs, but now, alas! we have only limbs.
Why is 1t thus? This fastidiousness
of expression does not suit me. You all
know about the girl who spoke OF a
Limbhorn chicken because she blushed TO
say that horrid word, "Leghorn." Now,
this Is carrying modesty too far. For
my part. I'm always willing to blush
when there's anything to blush for, but
l don't propose to waste my coyness. L m
raising all my folks to have legs
1s-E-G-S-and we are irstructing the
peach-trees in our nursery 10 have the
limbs. Legs may be old-fashioned, but
they come in mighty well when bull
dog yields to his impulsive fancies and
decides to exact souvenirs OF your anato-
my. My friend Victoria Guelph
would no more hesitate to talk about
her legs than / would about my whiskers,
and all the rest of my ar.stocratic Eng
lish acquaintance follow her example.
SO much has been said about Frank
Parker alias Smith alias Lockwood
alias pretty much everybody else. in the
Blue Book of Richmond aris,ocracy, that
i cannot refrain from entering my So
prano into the general chorus. The gold
brick man. vilihed and abused as he
has been. had. and I doubt not. still has,
many noble traits of character. 1t was
during my many and repeated pereSrina-
tons as witness in the case that
formed the acquaintance OF this gentle
man, and as the acquaintance ripened
into love I began to fully realize his
true worth. Really. toward the last 1
believe / myself would have given him a
bogus e-thousand dollar check for one
Of his gilded bricks. He is an exceedingly
handsome fellow. with beautiful manners,
patrician hands and feet, and an all
around persuasiveness of manner that in
varlabiy made me feel justified in accept
ing his cigars. And then. too. when he
got bail before Judge Christian he set
up drinks to everybody in the little New
Kent store. and really made himself 50
adorable that I could not resist getting
on the outside Of beer with him.
Every chick and child liked the duffsr
In a way. and he. too. liked us, which
is one OF the great comforts of my
young life. He told me conhdentially The
used to talk to everybody confidentially)
that ne was immensely pleased with Viz
gnla people, and with their nice man.
ners and approachable ways. "Of course.
said he. "a man i'm jail don't have the
same chances for society that free man
does. but still I've been able to make
observations. | like your hospitality too,
he added. / did not get n chance 10 tell
him that we were doing all we could 10
keep him with us FOR a term OF years,
and he evidently failed TO appreciate this
fact Cor he left us most abruptly. II is
hardly probable that he will return 10
spend the summer with us. nor do | ex-
pect to greet him at the Hotel Jefferson
next winter. II may be Of interest TO
know that Parker alias Smith and So
Forth considers Victor Hugos Les Mise
rabies the finest book ever read.
THE IDLE REPORTER.