New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1895-06-23
THE TALK or THE DAY.

"A refined widow lady" advertises in the. Bos-
ton papers tina. she Is ready. for financial consd
Grafton. to lodge and board respectable husbands
look after their nen give them mothers care II
ILL.," Everything will be done to amuse and In
terest them while under her care while at the same
time discipline will be maintained and no latch
keys will be allowed Wives need have no appre-
hensicn on that score There will positively, says
the prospectus be no funny business. look
word WILL it is thought. be enough to quiet. and
II needs be- break the spirit OF the proudest and
most bullying Of husbands. Hundreds OF certif-
Gates as to the refined widowed lady's" skill IN
handling desperate cases can be had.
The ny that once through Taras halls
Went buzz.ng sad and lone
Now has myriad Of friends.
And when old Tara fall, asleep.
ON each warm summer day.
-(Pittsburg chronicle-Telegraph.
I. is said that some summer hotels will employ
Social lubricators" during the present season. A
SOCIAL lubricator" 1t seems. Is woman who. IN
return for her board and lodging. binds herself to
amusc the guests. 1t Is doubtful. however. II the
scheme will work nice. presentable man would
be much more apt to amuse the women. while. on
the other hand II the social lubricator" tries 10
amuse the she will very quickly hear from the
wives.
Easy-"Do you think woman will ever success
II reason why she should not. II ought
to be easy. with the sleeves she wears."-(lndlan'
apolis Journal
Quaint Epitaphs" edited by Susan Darling STAFF
ford. has the popularity OF classification by States
towns. they can be verified. II anybody finds
them too remarkable to be taken as genuine. One
OF them reads:
Here les the body OF Dr. Hayward \ man who
never voted. OF such is the Kingdom OF Heaven"
No good Republican Democrat would say
Amen. but opinions differ Another Is more touch
Ing:
ALPHA WHITE, WEIGHT. 800 POUNDS
Open wide. We golden gates.
That lead 10 the heavenly shore:
Our father suffered in passing through.
Worcester Gazette
or the sixty-six generals in the German army all
but two mobiles. or the seventy-fve lieutenant
generals all but thirteen. OF the 40 major-generas
all but thirty-eigh and OF the c9i colonies all but
elghty-elght mobiles. In the Prussian army
there are forty mine regiments in which every Of
scer is a noble.
instance there is Flumlcigh He went into store
was nobody but a. woman there. He began. BY
asking. L beg pardon. II you are not engaged
@ SS This is SO mora And by
she accepted him on the spot and before ne knew
too polite And the speaker shook his head
sagely and not without suggestion OF sadness
Boston Transcript
she-Don't you think my new hat is as pretty a.
picture
He-Oh no: the hat IS pretty frame for the
more beautiful picture that goes with it.
/ Uncle Jack returns from a long walk and. being
somewhat thirsty drinks from tumble, l he an1 IDS
ab S sss up cry h o esea niece ce VINO IN
Uncle Jack|whsts the matter, Amer
Alice (weeping)-You've drlnked up my 'quarium
and you've swallowed my free poilywogs!"-(Reho-
both Sunday Herald
II know OF cities In this country" says an
American abroad. mot even Chicago. that impress
with sense OF newness and OF great deve-
opment as Berlin and Glasgow. I remember Ber-
lin fifteen years ago. when IL seemed hardly az
much OF city as Dresden. Now 1t Is so wonder
fully built up and improved that New-York seems
In comparison with /, an old-established community
slow In its growth. II is much the same with Gas-
gow whose progress In recent years has been little
less than marvellous. II there any Americans
who still think that cities the only ones
that grow like weeds l would advise them to take
trip abroad and get their eyes opened"
1t was in Of the cosey villages OF bonnie Scot
land. where gossip is the chief barter and church
the chief duty OF every mon and oil the ''weem-
the .a@s %sy or bOusd MeSors tho minister
had aeny ssssy ns num0er'
one .neW bette. than he Hat 'Hms.Ans %so
Rouse missionary work and thus more in
terest In church affairs.
n.an he accosted Tonald Campbell. a sturdy
! old Scot OF we-known free thinking tendencies.
'Tonald." began the minister; for why were 70
| no at the kirk last Sawbathy'
81 was at Mr.. McShouters kirk, Meenister
This was hardly the reply that was expected. but
| the minister continued with added gravity: =!
dInna like ye rlnnn ABBOTT tae strange kinks T
this way. I'm pairfecky sure We yerser widna ike
yer ain sheep strayin' ava nta strange pastures,
| Tonald cast sideong glance at his critic !
widna grain, Meenister. gin 1t was better
| gress. "-(Boston Budget.
The Methodist Professionals are about to establish
a theological seminary at Kansas City. Kan.
| Strong Defence.-"Jedgc. yer Honor" said
Tim the Tramper II Amt guilty O. doin that job
O. burglary; De evidence Is agin' me. but kin
prove alibi."
Have you any Witnesses" =.
Nobody but neself," the reply. But !
kin t'row de cold white light OF intelleck over az
situation In q way datil clear me In fve minutsA"
go ahead" q,
well de testimony shows dat whoever done Dc
work got inter de house by fus' cuttn' his way
wild an axe through de front door. an then asin
through the library door"
Yes" =.
There's me alb ledge. yer Honor. Do LOOK
like man that 'ud be tempted by any sum tss
chop dat much Observation-Disclosures Star. .