The record-union., 1895-04-22
FALSE PRETENSES.
Mr.. Bunner Tells Little Story That
POINTS Moral.

IOintS 8 Moral.
There is a very old story of a woman
who cured her husband of the habit of
profane swearing by taking to swearing
herself. On just the same principle [ am
going to ask you to listen to a stupid lit
tie story that shall point moral in order
to disgust you, as far as my skill permits
me, with all stories that point morals
and that don't bear a sign of warning
posted conspicuousIy at the entrance
Here is the story, and | will only say
for 1t that will try TO make it as short as
it is stupid:
The little boy had a pretty hard day of
1t. lie had worked hard at school, and
then he had gone on several errands for
his mother, and be had mended some
toys for his younger sister. After din
ner he had studied hard for an hour.
and then, looking at the clock, he
had found that it was exactly
O'Clock. and he made up his mind that he
would read for the half-hour that Law be-
tween him and bedtime. He had a new
book with pirates in it. I think they
were some OF Howard Pyle's pirates-and
L never so earnestly wish that l could be
a boy again as when | encounter Mr.
Pyle's pirates. know no more satisfac-
tory pirates. They have black, curling
boards, and rings IN their ears, and their
foreheads are done up in CORY handker-
chiefs. l never had any such pirates
when l was boy-nothing half so good
and whenever l run across them thew
wake the boy IN me to such an extent
that l really think that I could lick any
quantity OF them. Deep in my heart I
know that l couldn't. 1 know that anv
Of them would be too much for me; but
they bring with them the smell of gum
powder and blood, which rouses the
fighting instinct, ands l sigh as l think of
the slaughter l could have done among
iyrna
youth.
Well, the boy had such book as this,
and he meant to read a chapter in it and
then to go TO bed to dream OF decks slim
perry with blood, and Of belching cannon
and broken rigging and ali the rest of it,
But Just then groWn-up came IN, The
grown-up bad an uncle who had Just re-
turned to this country after a long alb
sence in Europe. From what he did on
this occasion l think he must have been
living in England, and had got over it,
He said to the little boy:
Charles, see you are about to read,
If you will give me a nice stamp ont of
your album 1 will tell you a story in
stead" Now this was a great ternpta-
ton to the little boy. Any bov might
buy book and read story out of it. but
here was an offer of an original story told
all for himself.
Need l tell you what the story was that
the little boys uncle told him after the
stamp had been delivered? ? Do YOU want
10 hear the tale of supposititious little
boy, OF course of just the age of the little
| boy who IS listening to the story, who en-
tertalned doubts about revealed religion.
or carried angleworms in his vest pocket
or did something else that he shouldn't
have done, so that there was no health in
him. and he was properly punished in
the end? ! don't think you'd care to
hear it. l know the little boy didn't.
When the clock struck haIf-past 8 he
went up to his little room over the hall
way, and went to bed. He was tired, and
low in his mind. He generally went to
sleep as soon as he got his head on the
pillow, and dreamed of anything he
wanted to dream about. But this night
he lay awake a long time, and thought
great deal. He had one stamp less in his
collection, and he had no pirates to dream
about, and he wondered why his uncle
had told him such depressing story. AS
say l don't know whether it was about re-
ligious doubt or the improper bestowal of
angleworms, but it certainly was not
about this particular little boys particu-
| lar faYorite sin, and he didn't see, as he
said to himself, why it was "heaved at
him." And when he awOke the next
morning he was still thinking of it and
wondering about it, and he still felt tired.
H. G. Bunner, in the Century.