Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-09-23
HUM0R OF TIE DAY.

A war slub-Tho triple alliance.
It's all up with a man when he
turned down.
Some people can keep their minds
on mighty small object and not feel
cramped for room.-Puck.
A large majority of those who think
they need co axing really require club
bing Milwaukee Journal.
Mrs. Peastraw-" -"How on earth did
you get yourself so dirty?" johnny
81 was in swimmin'. ."-Truth.
You can salt down your money, but
you cannot catch golden eagles by
putting salt on their tails. Truth.
It's the summer fly that buslles.
Till within the spiders gates.
And the spider never hustes,
But he gets thera while he waits
Truth.
Too many men regard death as they
do their banker, and expect ample no.
titication when their time will be up.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Inventors OF college yells can find
mlne of inspiration in sitting around
their babies. .-Atchison Globn.
Isn't there some way iii which We
can arrange to get our weather prop
erly mixed instead of taking the in
gradients separately Troy Press.
"Our landlady says sho likes to see
her boarders have good appetites."
"Well, Pm not surprised. Some
women arc naturally cruel. Life.
Johnny must have got his gun
BY exhortations goaded
But his silence is suggestive TINT
He didn't know't was loaded.
Puck.
"What is the name Of that mau?"
signaled one deaf mute to another.
"It's queer, but | can't recall il, was
the reply; "though it is right ut my
finger ends. PUCK.
"Why is it," asks the Manayunk
philosopher "that when II man is af.
fiicted with chills and fever the chills
always came on the cold days and the
fever on hot duys?"-Philadelphia
Record.
Prepared for the Worst: Edna
"Whom is Miss Golighty going to
marry?' Millie-"Old Moneybagges. "
Edna" Chow do you know?" Millio
-''She's having most of her trousseau
made in black THE Mourner.
Stern Father-''Do you realize,
young man, that up to the present
time it has cost me at least $50, 90 to
bring up aud educate that girl"
point of view / should say, sir, that
She is fully worth it. ."-Sonervillo
journal.
The Third Timo Proposal: She
(bored) )-"No, Mr.. Lytely, can never
love you. honor and respect you. [
am sure you would make some other
woman a good husband. /" He
"Well-er---could give me
letter of recommendation to my next
place ?"-Vogue.
An Extra: Iady-''Your testi-
monials are satisfactory and am will
ing to take you at the terms you ask,
namely, thirty ilorins, only | expect
that you will treat my children with
affection" Nursery Maid-"Airec-
ton? Then L Shall want hyo HORNS
month extra. Der Floh.
Squildig-'Did the brides father do
the correct thing when young Spud-
kins married Miss Cashbox?" Me-
Swilligen-"Well, he guvo the
bride" Squildig Gnterrupting)-
81 knew he would do something haul-
some" McSwilligen (resuming) =
''He gave the bride away. '-Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
"Mercy!" cried the editor wife, rs
she arose in the morning to find two
windows pried open and the lamp
overturned in the middle of the floor.
"There was burglar in the house last
night "A burglarl' eyes" said the
editor with yawn, she struck us just
before daylight, bat he was evidently
very poor man. L only got $5 ont
of him. You'll find it in the bureau
drawer. The keys under my pillow" "
Atlanta Constitution.