Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-03-14
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JEsTs AND YARNS Nv FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Already Settled His Own Styls--
The Returned Travellers An orl-
entail Blessing Etc., Etc.
ALREADY SETTLED.

brought EN- In
HIS OWN STYLE.
Harry-I always wear hat to suit
my head hang the style.
Dick-Yes; l notice that soft hat
is your favorite.
THE RETURNED TRAVELLER.
She-Have you ever been through
algebra?
He-Yes, but it was in the night
and didn't see much of the place.
AN ORIENTAL BLESSING.
Albert-Didn't the Eastern women
always have their sandals strapped
on tight, mamma?
Mamma think they did, Albert F;
why?
Albert-Because it must have been
a great thing for their naughty little
boys.
MAXIMs IN PRACTICE.
''Why are you silent?" she whispered,
To him who never could show
A nickel, and softly he answered:
It's money that talks, don't you
know"
HER EXCUSE FOR LIVING.
My madcap girl annoyed me so
l could not feel forgiving.
But, scolding hard, asked her what
Excuse she had for living.
And promising she would not add
One more to her offenses,
She wept and said, AT least it saves
My funeral expenses.
A sPITEFUL RIVALS REMARK.
Miss Oldgirl got off that joke very
gracefully"
'Ah, what are you saying? Why,
she couldn't get off street car
gracefully"
SHE HAD HIM THERE.
"Women have no inventive fac
ulty," sneered Mr.. Cumso.
Haven't they?" replied his wife.
81 suppose you never heard of the
Belle telephone.
Mr.. sPRIGG's LITE JOKE.
MIR. Spriggs was complaining be-
cause so much effort was required in
succeeding even so poorly as he did.
WELL" exclaimed Mrs. Spriggs,
did you ever get anything without
working hard for it?'
Eyes, l have" he said, discon.
tentedly.
"Oh. guess not" insisted Mrs
Spriggs.
But / know have"
what was it. I'd like to known"
"a bad cold, my DEAR" and Mr..
Spriggs took heart again and smiled.
THE EXCEPTION.
A small boy on Third street had
had some difficulty with the neigh
boris children during the afternoon,
and that night he was not feeling in
very Christian spirit. After he had
gone to bed his mother came in to
tuck him away snugly.
did you say your prayers?" she
inquired.
Yes m. "
"And did you pray Or the
heathen?"
The boy was slow to answer.
"Yes'm / did, he said at last,
"all OF them, except them next
door,"
CoRNERED
II am in despairl" cried the poet.
whats the trouble?"
Got to write summer poem for
magazine in freezing weather, with
coal $6 ton, and not a spark of
poetic fire! 7"
EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
you are always talking about how
children ought to be trained, Maria"
said Mr.. Billus, "but can't see that
Johnny improves a particle in his be-
havior at the table. /"
"And you are always telling how
easy it would be to put business on
it's feet again and make everybody
prosperous, but l can't see that you
leave any more pin money lying
about the house than you ever did"
retorted Mrs. Billus.
CLEVER REPLY.
A professor wrote paper entitled
Ancient Methods OF Filtration"
which was advertised as Ancient
Methods Of Filtration" He was
chaffed by lady friend on the mis-
take.
"Oh, professor, do give us your
lecture on Ancient Methods of
Filtration"
''Ah, Miss -" answered the
professor, who was bachelor, that
lecture can only be delivered to
single auditor at time, and must be
illustrated with experiments.