Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-07-29
JUST FOR FUN.

adise is the inevitable expulsion.
"And you're sure you want me for
myself, Dick?" mo, for myself"
"Talk is cheap" ''Not when it's
over long distance telephone"
Of all sorts of embarrassment, that
of riches is the most easily overcome.
The largest expense of married life
is frequently caused by the little ones.
Ignorance of the law does not pre-
vent the losing lawyer from collecting
his bill
He-Your husband is generous to a
! fault. She = Yes, but the trouble is
that I am not in fault.
Advertising for situation, man
explains, 'tWork is not SO much of an
object as good wages"
Wife-That's a perfect dream of a
BONNET. Husband-Yes; but I'll bet
it cost a regular nightmare of price.
Do you pay for poetry??" asked the
| author. eve do" replied the editor.
s'Each poem costs us six subscribers"
''The Krupp gun is the largest can
non in the world" ssBut / suppose
the Ferris wheel is the largest revolv-
err"
She-It is a rank injustice to say
that a woman is inferior to man in
reasoning power. He-Why! She
Because.
Miss Amateur = Are you musical,
Prof Biston? Prof. Biston-Yes, but if
you were going to play anything, don't
mind my feelings.
The Count (who has had little tiff
with his fiancee, the heiress) But, my
treasure. The heiress-Your treasure?
Your investment, you mean.
He-WeH, what do you think Of the
ocean? Shelf is not nearly as large
as I thought it would be. Why, it
merely extends to the horizon.
Mrs. Brown = thought you said it
was the little boy next door who was
making all the noise? So it was, ma.
I was beating him with stick.
He-Of course, my prospects are
not the brightest. We will have a
great deal to contend against. She
Dearest, we will have each other.
Teacher-Emma, what do you know
of the orchid family? Emma-If you
please, madam, mamma has forbidden
us to indulge in any family gossip.
The life of the Georgia editor is a
sad one. We run out of wood and
had to cook our vittles in the sun, and
it's been rainin' steady for three
weeks.
Miss Newcombe-Seems to be rather
a good year this for fruit, Giles? Are
all your trees as full of apples as that
one? Giles = Oh, nav, miss, only the
apple trees.
Gillback- Is it true that you don't
spend as much money now as you did
before you were married? Packet
1t is. I wish 1 could say the same
thing of my wife.
A Paisley gentleman, hearing that
two of his female relations had quar-
relied, asked: ''Ha'e they ca'ed each
ither ugly?'' INA, na.'' "Ah, weel
then, 1 can max it up atween them
yet"
She went into a shop to buy some
toilet soap, and while the shopman
was expatiating on its merits, about
made up her mind to purchase; but
when he stated, cit would keep off
chaps.n she said she didn't want that
kind
A little girl, whose parents recently
moved to another city, and who is
now enjoying her first experience in
living in a block, thus described 1t IN
a letter to another child: "This is
very queer place. Next door is fast
ened on our house."
laxative Lady Visitor Ito Column
bian Guard) And what is that strap
that goes under your chin worn for?
Columbian Guard This strap, mad
am, is given to US by the management
of the Fair to rest our chins on when
our Jaws get tired out answering
questions.
Walters mamma was very sick with
rheumatism and he was rubbing her
arms when she said, ''Walter, it is too
bad that mamma is such trouble to
you" Walter replied cheerfully,
'Never mind, mamma, if you are only
just alive, we don't care how much
you suffer-"
cam I Married or Not ?''
asked Mr.. A., despondently, 81 declare, my
wife is so nervous and irritable that [ don't