The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1895-04-19
sAAOrE'S TRAVELS.

Have I travelled muchl Well no
You see was born and reared on
this old iarm and expect to die on it,
unless that very undesirable event
should occur, eoincident with Proctor
Knots rebellion, in which case my
respiratory organs will probably do
their last active service in a sink
hole in neighbor Browns woods pas
ture, known only to myself and the
coroner.
Well, last summer concluded to
travel l thought would try the city
did, I tried the city and the City
Court tried me twice the same day.
/ sold old Bnndle for $40 and her calf
as fine Souihdown calf as you ever
viewed through telescope. for FIVE
more And twenty-five dollars for
travelling expenses, you see. There
was going to be an excursion boat
run down to the city--4th of July. I
got down my almanac, looked up the
date and got one Of old Bob's bride
reins for a strap for my sachel, called
Leat-Leat is my bullterrier-so nam
ed from his favorite location for a
hold upon UNANIMOUS visitors about
the farm, and we started on our six
teen mile walk to the river. We got
to the river early and waited. Now,
had heard OF sharpers and to avoid
them had decided to hold no COM
munication with anybody on that
trip. / waited till noon, no boat yet
took out my almanac, consulted it
again, no mistake about it, Monday,
July, 4th. Now am a very patient
man. but after l had waited three
whole days and nights and no boat
yet, I began to grow restless. saw
man couldn't travel without talking
some and l walked up to the warf-
boat man and said: "See here, when
is that excursion coming'"
"She'll be here all right enough !"
said he.
"Dut why didn'tshe come the 4thp"
"Have you lost the day of the
month stranger Look at the calen~
der-Wednesday, July, 4th."
"See here" says I, hauling out my
almanac from my sachel. "here's a
Western Farmers almanal that I
paid ten cts. for at Jim Green's store
ten years ago last spring, after going
by it all these years I'm not going to
lay it by now for your old pasteboard
up there"
"She'll be or time sir" said he,
and sorter laughed as he walked away.
l guess he was laughing at my stand
ing collar, for noticed they were not
in style down that way, 1 had wait
ed long, but like pay day to the de-
linquent subscriber, for it will come,
if not in this life the more sure in the
next, that excursion came at last.
AS she roundedinto the wharf had
just begun to congratulate myself
upon how nicely had initiated the
veteran traveller by jumping my
boardbill, when with suddenness Of a
Kansas cyclone my landlord jumped
me. He did it with powerful empha-
sis and with all the enthusiasm of
Populist orator. Leaf coming to his
masters rescue tugged nightly at
the rear of the landlords pants, and
it was only upon the request of all
the sympathetic lady excursionists
that called him of.
Well, I paid the bill, that is the
boardbill, the damage suit is now in
court, so is the suit the landlord wore
that memorable 4th of July.
Well, got aboard, but they, that
is all those who wore pantaloons, in
sisted on throwing Leaf overheard,
but protested.
Tie him then, please" pleaded
blue.eyed lassie, whose beau wore a
nice new pair OF trowsers, striped with
all the splendid colors of the rainbow
and including those of Uncle Sans
flag. To relieve the excursiouists /
began to make room for Leaf in my
satchel by throwing overheard some
of its valuable contents. l tossed out
FIVE twists OF homespun tobacco and
my pepper-box pistol, for found ev-
so friendly l was sure l
should never need it nohow. Now !
had seven corn dodgers. had heard
they don't bake 'em in the city so |
took EN- along. Now to put Leaf in
The satchel with them meant annihi-
alton to the dodgers, probably to
Leaf, but the passengers came nobly |
70 my rescue, a score OF satchels were
open and at my service. Well, those
people were ove1oyed to thus be able
o help a fellow traveller, they laugh
d, they slapped eachother upon the
and shook hands with each
,ther in their exultatiou, each time
banked them again, they would burst
,ut airesh with rejoicing; il brought
ears to my eyes, to theirs also. Leaf
lidn't like the satchel business, he
SEE TO 1T
~ that you're not put off
Z. 7~,Al with some poor substi-