The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1895-06-25
Stormy Times Ahead--Length, Breadth
and Capacity of the Democratic
Party-The 1896 Platform Out
lined
R.-"HelIol Mr.. Editor"

B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R.-"Hellow! Major. How are you
to-day9"
B.-"Only sorter tolerbul. Ne an
Betsy hev bin argyfyin the fnanshul
question till we've got it awl mixed up
so you can't tell tother from which.
It cum erbout this way: Betsy asked
me if I had changed my noshurs in
regard ter the free coinage of silver.
Itole heErT6adn't an wuzent goin'
teHGnange. Then she lowed that a
number ov prominent Dymikrats an
sum ov our leadin' papers are declarin
that the Dymakrat party alters haz
bin fer silver an that awl dymakrate
an others who want free coinage must
stay in or get in the dymakrat party
ter git it. I tole her that didn't make
a bit ov difference with me; that l am
a single standard man from the half
sole on my shoe to the holes in tie top
ov my hat. She remarked that it
seemed nifty curious ter her, sed she
couldn't understand how sum ov us
can be fer one thing an the balance oV
us fer another. 1 tole her that showed
how big an broad our party IL. 1t
don't matter what q man thinks or
wants 80 he votes our ticket. He will
either git what he wants Or what he
don't want, an if he kicks we will call
him a PopuAist an abuse him till he
submits. Then we will divide into
awl sorts of fackshuns again an advo
cate every doctrine under the sun an
git 'em ter vote again. l tole her we
had a great variety Cv folks now.
Sum oV us r gold bugs, sum are fer
silver, sum fer low tariff, sum
sum fer tariff e: revenue only,
sum fer high tariff, sum fer bimetall
ism, sum fer honesty, sum fer ras-
kality, sum fer this an sum fer that
We make our Safe platforms for sill
yer in silver States and fer gold in
gold States. Our national platform in
1892 wuz fer gold and silver on an
equality in Europe an fer gold only In
the United States. Our next nashu
nal platform will be fer gold and silver
bimetallism providjn' they don't have
q revolushoun in sum ov the South
American republics in the next four
years. Betsy How'd that wuz a worse
dodge than the ''internashunal agree
ment" fraud in 1892. 1 tole her THAT
Wuz awl rite. We have ter git Up a
bigger fraud every time than we had
before. Then Betsy wanted ter know
if we were goin' ter promise ter put
the railroads and telegraph lines under
control oy the government. 1 told her
we wouldn't carry the matter too far
erlong that line, but we would put in
a plank favorin' the government
ownership of the two bar rooms now
runnin in the capitol buildin' at Wash
ington an reduce the price ov drinks
ter ten cents. We will awlso promise
ter take the taxof whiskey an brandy
an awls0 ter put the tax up higher
than it il at present. Then we will
agree ter pension polertishUns what
hev worn themselves out lyin. In the
North we will promise ter pension
everybody who has ever read anything
erbout the late civil war. In the South
we will agree that the pension plenl
means that awl val pensions will b.
cut off at once. By this time Bets,
,wuz erbout ter faint, but I tole her i
wuzent any use ter git excited, fer VI
were in the field ter win an I didn'
mind givin' out the platform a yea.
ahead an lettin' the folks know ov tn,
guide things in store fer them. Gud
bye"
--wwv