The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1895-03-28
TYPICAL TAMINY TALKS.
A Modern Filosofer Discusses
the Cheats Methods of Doin'
BizneSS.

When Taminy sez for it to rane, it don't
allus rane. When Taminy seq baseball
J pitchers kant kurve ball, they don't stop
a kurvin EN-, and when Taminy sed Tom
Jeffreys ruinen Benton county by
slieen off the Bay folks. old Benton dident
ruin dogoned bit. But Taminy IL all rite.
If she wants a mouutin and the mountin
wont come galloping up to her, she trotz
over to the mountin. AZ old Benton
wudent ruin, Taminy sez .Teffreys is oil rite
now and did darned good job. They
don't say darned in Taminy, but darned is a
purifier word in print. And now if Barber
won't run for mayer, we are goin to whoop
it up for Tommie.
waz in Taminy the uther day and they
wuz all a talken as to who wuz divulgen
there sekrets. Sum thot one man wuz me
and sum thot it wuz sumbody else. They
dident notis Gilhooly a sitten in the winder,
latin and laffin behind big newspaper.
One cheat sed that the blue pantz feller,
he'd got hot and spoke up real peart like and
kalled the tilosofer ''amatoor wud-be
iuHuY Hdu LII uuTtZ I'LL lCSiIuos 1CS
been kalled lots of meen things afore, but
not that I hev been kalled a lier and 1
dident git mad, for em. | sed the blue
pantz Teller wuz good lookin.
The kounty assessor sed he kudent kol-
lekt pole tax often the filosofer, for the tax
wuz so much he'd, and he didnst hev no
head. A skinny justls of the piece sed the
fiiosofer was an assessor himself with the
essor left off. The konstabul kontradikted
him and sed the filosofer he'd brains but he
kept EN- kivered up and he'd suspenders on
the kivers. Then anuther skinny justis
with whiskers KUN in. The godus of JUS
tbs in these parts must be fond of SPAR
ribs. He said he hurd there wuz goin to be
dead filosofer soon and he wanted job as
korouer. But Taminy aint in the killen
bizness. She's kept hummin trien to keep
sum of her cheats in voten condishun until
after eeckshun.
Porter is cute az kan be. I'm agin
Spencer and he don't want Spencer to know
how intimate he and me air. So he pur-
tends to git riley at me. People thinks its
kurius when | stick up for him. But lor!
he amt riley. Its only hiz kute way.
When Porter and me getz our heads TO-
gether something's goin to bust We've got
a Simon pure skeem to work on ths biz
ness men. l EN- agoin around and tell em
that Porter hez bin countin on hiz salary az
a sort of perpetual penshun from the tacks
| l. l.. Lo,
made dependin on hiz penshun. Ell
he is robed outen it, he will have to raze on
lites. Thatll bring EN- up to taw. But
Porter kinder wants to trane with Spencer
and it won't do. Spencer aint ia our klass.
He amt no skeemer. He aint no poll
tishun. But I'm afeered when Spencer gifts
his runnin clothes on he'll be darned hard
man to lick. Some people have krazy
idea of likein outspoken man better nor a
smart polatishun like me.
| Bill Hairless sez itz goin to be a red.
| heded elecshnn and Bill ought to no. Bill
| is pretty good Teller and is a nobul orator
of the cheats. The only trouble with Bill
il that his carbunkle of good will IL SO
much bigger than his boil of self prefer
walton. Bill is one of the big cheats.
We've got big cheats aud a lot of little
| cheats. One or two of the chiefs is good
looken and good many aint. Some of us
| is regular Apollos, but most ov us is irreg-
uler apologies. But we've got the branes.
| That iz, sum ov us have. Me and Porter
haz willed our branes to Dokter Wilson for
the benyfit of man, espeshyly polytishuns.
It's comfortyhle to think you'll be of some
use when your dead, besides leven life ill.,
shurance to yur wife's second husband.
speak with confydence, fur Taminy decided
that princypul too weeks ago.
HIGH AND Low.