Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-12-23
JUST FOR FUN.
What is done can not be undone' es-
,eciaIly if it's a hard boiled egg.


Psyche knot!
What a lot of labor would be saved
if the sweeping glances we reao aoou0
would only take the dirt from carpets.
Friend Did you meet with much
hospitality in India? Tommy Atkins
Yes, was in hospital nearly all the
| time"
Editor-John, take that cat away;
can not write with the row 1t IS max
ing. Where is it? John-Why, sir,you
are sitting on it.
Dolly, after surveying her last sum-
mer's hat, critically remarked" NAM
ma. the hat is nice enough, but the
ribbons look rather withered."
Peddler- That little book on How
to prererve the Hair is the key to
the entire situation. Baldhead-l am
very sorry, but haven't single lock
that it would fit.
"Do you think I can see through
you?n The burly old gentleman IN
front smiled good-naturedly as he re-
torted, ''You ought to be able, sir; I've
a pain in my back"
'Now, I want the room painted a
very delicate color = sort OF pale,
grayish- pinky rose tint = in fact,
maiden's blush color" eyes, miss;
about what age, miss?"
"Have they named your baby broth
err vet, Adams?" "Yeth, thir. They've
called him Georgy after Uncle George
and don'tlike it a bit. | wanted him
named Adamth, after me-"
Mammal hope you said something
pleasant when you gave Tommy his
birthday gift?'' Bob-Yes'm; l told
him he was welcome to it, for 1t was
one had left over from last year.
Witherbv-I want to look at some
patterns in wallpaper. Surprised
Clerk-We don't keep wallpaper. We
deal in corrugated iron. Wltheroy-
That's all right. Pm re-papering my
nursery.
Upon a gentleman's tomb in War
wickshire we read that he was ''accl-
dentally shot by his gamekeeper."
Under this piece of information IS the
text, ssWell done, thou good and faith
| full servant"
"Dear me!'' cried the nurse; "the
babv has swallowed my railway tick
ct. What shall do?' "Go ana ouy
another right away" returned the
mother. "I'm not going to let the
conductor punch the baby"
Grandpa-Don't get scared, Willie;
the tiger is about to be fed; that's
what makes him jump and roar so.
Willie (easily)- Oh, [ amt afraid OF
him, grandpa. Papa's the same way
when his meals amt ready.
"Who's there?" cried little Binks,
egged on by his wife, who insisted
that there was burglar in the room.
"Nobody," returned the burglar.
'sThere, my DEAR" snapped Blnks,
"that's exactly what told you"
The Philadelphia Record has new
and undeserved slur at Chicago:
"Gimme a piece of apple pie, quick''
said customer at railway restaur-
ant. "Chicago or Boston, asked
The waiter. "What do you mean?'
'sKnife or fork?"
CLERGYMAN dining with family)-I
noticed during the sermon you were
very quiet, Tommy; avery good ooy'
indeed. Tommy-Rather! Cos was
afraid of waking pa. Last Sunday
when I woke him up, he said he'd
half kill me if did it again.
A doctor waiting for his dinner grew
inpatient at the delay in serving,
which was noticed by a lady near by,
who remarked to her friend that the
doctor had no patience to-day.
He remarked that it was enough to
provoke any doctor not to have any
patients.
A lecturer gave utterance to the
following: Cali along the untrodden
paths of the future we can see the
hidden footprints of an unseen Hand"
At another time he exclaimed, 1--WE
pursue the shadow, the bubble bursts,
and leaves the ashes in our hands. +"
Little Mary went to church; and,
when her pastor called next day, wish
ing to be social, she said to him, 81
heard you speak your piece yester-
day." "Did your" he said, surprised
and amused 'sHow did you like it?'
ooh" was the honest, but unexpect-
ed reply, cit made me awfully sleepy
The Mount Lebanon Shakers recently per
formed a great deed of charity, being moth
-. Sche how.