The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1895-04-04
TYPICAL TAMINY TALKS.
A Modern Filosofer Discusses
the Cheats Methods Of Doin'
Bizness.

Bizness.
The fite il on. The skrambel for offs ia
commenct. Itz wurse nor skrambel; itz
regular omelet, and all kinds of eggs are
in it.
No voter needs to be lonesome now; there
IL so meny agrebel gentilmen who will rejois
t o kultivate biz akquantens.
Evry man who frum hensforth talks to one
candydate is objekt of suspishun to the
uther candydates fur the same offs. Sum.
budys agoin to git licked. Taminy sez SO,
and Taminy ought to no.
1 wuz in Tamipy last weak. It wuz
Wendsday mite and the GAZETTE jest cum
in. Eff they'd node who wuz, they'd hev
fixt me up pritty with fethers and Civ me
ride on rale.rode, or on rale enyway.
They thot they node, but the Teller wuzent
thare and they gave him fitz A cheat red
the peace L rote. When he got thru, the
blue pantz feller asked Porter why he did
ens say sumthing. Porter sed he thot the
blue pantz feller hedlthe rite to do the fust
cussen. Porter he winked at me soas to let
ME no he wusent intenden to hurt mi feal-
ins. But the uther fellers dident no me,
and Porter wudent Civ me away. he'd =
mise time Eff Bobby Burns he'd bin in mi
plase he'd hev bin happy. Bobby Burns sed:
"Wud the powers the gifty gle MS. to see
on rsels ez uthers see US.
Sum honerysmembers wuz In. Taminy
hez too klasses NV cheats; the honery klass
and the ornery klass. All Nv us think we
belong to the fust klass. We. all allow thet
Spencer is honery. Spencer aint rich.
He kudent be mean enuf to git rich ef he
wanted to. He kudent stay rich eff he got
rich. He wud find so meny men who need
the munsy wurse then he did, he wud give
it all sway. Az say, Spencers a NIFTY good
a man fer offs, try to git man who kin
git few fellsrs in the back Nv a saloon and
fix up as to how to git the preachers to vote
fer him. That's politix. Spencer amt on
to thet kind NV bizness. Burd Wells kud
be pursuaded to run fer cheat NV polese, ef
good-sizsd pursuader cum along under 100
pounds pressure Ef hiz. friends are bashful
about pursuaden, a smaller urger mite in
duse him to run Ef the urger don't cum OF
it's own akkord, Burd will hunt it up. Burd
sez he kant git the saloon vote and he kant
git the church vote. Tum Tum aint got no
churches and aint got no saloons | think
Burd will run darned well in Tum Tum.
Taylor is rounden up hiz forses. Taylor
is pritty good in politix, but sumtimss
makes mistakes. and hurd he got Teller
to promise to vote fer him, by hard work,
afore he found out the man lived on Oak
Krick. Taylor nose how to git votes and
he amt kounten on bein the last man in the
rase.
Millard Hayes mite kum in and run.
don't no how he kin travel. He mite fule q
feller He mite make things Hazy fer sum
Nv the uther fellers whose q runnin. I don't
think / will git in the rase. Its kinder bad
times fer politishuns enyway, and ISpen-
Ger stands too nj to dead shur fer me to
takle him. It's goin to take all mi infuens
and skeemun to help Porter out.
Squire Holgate and Charley Hodes is a
shaken hands all around and trien to find
out who's who.
Sum fellers haz bin trien to squirt little
slixer Of political ambishun into Lee Beach
to git him to run. Lee sez ''not eny in hizen,
pleas. Ef it wuz plain rekorder it mite be
| diferunt." Hes kinder skary about indulgin
in judicial titles when he don't pertend to
no eny law. Porters mite of Pythias and
| Hodes is a Mackabe. havunt hurd what
lodge Holgate is banker on. Maybe itz the
aobul order of bachelors. The mite candy
date and the Mackabe feller il both married
folks. Porter orter hav the offs. ltz hizen
| by rites. Itz ROBBERY to take away mans
property without hiz sayso. Porters he'd
the offs ten years and ef holden a thing
ten years don't Civ man good title, itz
time to change the laws. Holgate aint got
no bizness ruunin. He nose what the law
! H. and whats mans is hizen. He ought
to git of the track. Maybe Hodes don't
| no what the law IL. Maybe ef he new the
plase belonged to Porter he wudent run.
One good thing tho about Hodes eff he gita
eleckted heel make the city attorney ern
hiz salt, tellin the Judge what to do and
how to do 1t. Taminys bin a talken about
county deputies and next weak Pll expose
the hole derned outfit.