The herald., 1895-02-11
70 SECURE GOOD HUSBANDS.
Plans of the Lovers Guarantee
Association
FILLS A LONG FELT WANT.
A Company That Sells Certificates to
Male W0oers.
D.< nca al the Wife Ia NOT Round.
FILLS A LONG FELT WANT
Rather One Sided. as the Wife Is Not Bound,
But Boon to Men With 1arri-
ageable Daughters.

greeted mo cordially.
won't you be seated?" he said
grasping me by tho hand. ''Is you
busincss-er-confid
mot at all, " replied. GAS I wa
passing by thought l would stop il
and inquire into tho nature and scop,
of the Lovers Guarantee company
which see advertised so extensively ;
Certainly" he responded. II shall
be only too glad to inform you what We
are here for. The Lovers Guarantee
company was formed for tho purpose Of
securing good husbands to all maidens
matrimonially inclined, and the great
success we have met with thus fal
proves that there is an excellent reason
for our existence. The average man Of
affairs has little time to look up the
character and antecedents of tho young
fellow who applies for his daughter
hand. We look him up, and if he is sat-
isfactory ho gives US bond, which en-
titles him to certificate guaranteeing
him to DO all that he claims. This bond
may be good for five or ten years. A
mans financial status is of course easy
to determine, but it is into the finer at
tributes of character that we examine
particularly. Our certificate is an abso-
Lutte guarantee of the man. OF course
we have to DO particular, for should the
wife at any time insist upon separa-
ton and show cause under the contract
we would have to pay all her legal ex-
o,,1 F,,~x ,te1, t,a hrroh ov n
or mako over to her certain payments. !"
"But suppose" said I, latter the
man is married off, there develops some
hidden trait, some idiosyncrasy that
causes unhappiness, but not separation,
what do you do then?"
"Such cases, replied the president
of the Lovers Guarantee company, are
rare, but of course they do occur. In a
case like this we examine into the cause
of the difficulty, and if the man be
wrong the fact that he is under bond
gives us power over him, and generally
we bring him to terms"
But" said I, Suppose the woman
in the case is wrong?'
"This," explained the president, "is
extremely unfortunate. as we have no
means of reaching her direct, having no
power over her. We can, however, ad-
wise the man what to do, generally with
most felicitous results AS rule, these
differences come from ignorance on both
sides. Where they are extreme and q
separation is advisable we have in our
employ tho best lawyers, and divorces
are obtained in the most private way.
1--WE have in our employ one of the
most eminent phrenologists in the coun-
try, who examines the heads Of all ap-
plicants Our head physician, who gave
up a largo practice to come with us, has
growing staff of assistants, and these
look carefully into the physical condi-
ton of the applicants. You may depend
upon it that when an applicant has suo-
oessfully run tho gantlet We lay out for
him he will make good husband. We
advise all young married people to have
homes of their own, no matter how
humble, and have homo bureau through
which member can obtain advice on
the most desirable way to live, the best
locations, list of houses and apart
ments and tho lowest rents. By this
means wo are enabled to make an ar
rangement with landlords SO that our
patrons can obtain certain discounts and
privileges. Were you thinking-ahem !
of entering upon the new life?"
"Oh, no." replied modestly. II am
already married, and" added laugh
ingly, II don t suppose cases of this sort
come under your jurisdiction. :"
Indeed they do" replied the presi.
dent of the Lovers Guarantee company.
"Wo have lately formed department
for the benefit of married people and
find it to DO great success. For small
sum yearly, in advance, wo furnish Ia
dies with advice as to the proper man
agement of husbands and direct them
how to act in special emergencies. For
instance, should a husband be called
away too frequently ct night on bust
ness, imbibe too freely-I may say this
is ono Of our greatest obstacles - or
should no become ill natured or non
tractable, wo tell her what to do. -
''Is this department socret?'
mot at all" he responded Indeed
we invite publicity. Such is our repu-
tation that the mere fact made known
to man that his namo is on our books
will have tendency to bring him to
his senses. :"
my dear SIR" said I warmly as l
roso to go. "you are accomplishing n
great work, and am glad called in to
SEQ you. - Then, thanking him, I was
about to depart when he stopped me
courtcously.
Excuse me" no said, "but would
you mind giving mo your name? l al
ways like to tako down tho names Of all
our friends. -
Certainly rot, said 1. IT would
just rs soon as not, as it is just possible
l may want to advise with you myself
later on. My name, sir, is Withorby. 7"
A bright and engaging sinilo came
over tho face Of tho president of tho Low
ers' Guarantee company. "Ah, yes, in.
deed" no exclaimed. -. Scott Withcr-
by, isn't it,"
THAT'S it" replied, dumfounded,
lump rising iii my throat. "How the
mischief, cir, did you learn my name?'
Very easily" he responded cheer
fully as he reached over into his desk
and handed mo pamphlet = LAG, on If
You Arc Husband. Don { be Crank. +"
Your wife was in hero only yestcr-
day"