Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1895-06-29
A MODERN INSTANCE.
Painful Story of Man Who Bought a
Wheel.


He was old enough to know better, but
It's still true that there's no fool like an
old fool. After a week of practice in the
riding school, after learning to mount and
dismount and to turn to the left and the
right, he got his wheel, and with an expe-
ricnced rider as escort made tame but
entirely successful debut on the pavement.
He went home that night little lame,
but holding his head pretty high for head
that was full of new wheels.
"I'm going to use the bicycle entirely
going to and from the office, ~ he announc-
cd to his amiably skeptical wife. "It will
save at least 81 week on car fare. Be
sides need the exercise. l think it will
be good for my appetite"
$50 it will cost 81 a week more to board
you?' laughed madam. Women are SO H.
logical and malapropos.
Never you mind. I'm going to open a
wheel account with myself, and in a month
I'll show you figures that will open your
eyes"
1t was just week later, as he lay In a
darkened room, with bandage around his
head and splinss on his arm, that the wife
opened a memorandum book and read:
Friday.-Rode down town and home
ed 10 cents This is great.
Saturday-Tried Main street this morn
ing. Never realized before how busy the
street is. Awfully full Of teams and peo-
pie. Looked ahead and saw heavy coal
wagon coming. Tried to give it a wide
berth, but the more I tried the more l
couldn't. Ran into its front wheel and
broke handle bar. Think 1t must have
been loaded with magnetic iron ore, it
pulled me in so. Driver asked me if was
loaded, an what in ell was tryin to cut
i'm down for. "Why don't you use baby
carriage?" he jeered. These low people
don't understand athletics.
Sunday.-Can't get my wheel repaired
until Monday. Just as we'll couldn't
sit on it if had it. Must get saddle chang
cd. Mine looks all right, but feels as if it
were all edge Curious effect of yesterday S
collision. 1 can't walk past people with
out hitting them. Kept stepping off the
sidewalk all the way to church and bump
ed up against everybody. Stepped on three
dresses, and going down the aisle late hit
the fellow with the contribution box.
Struck him amidships, bow on, and they
are looking under the pews yet Tor the sill
yer. can't keep off of people. Must find
40 acre lot tomorrow and practice walk
ing.
Monday.-Thought was O. K. again.
Got my wheel and was coming up the ave.
in great shape. Two ladies on sidewalk !;
heard one of 'em say, "There, that's the
way like to see q man ride; he sits up
straight like a gentleman" Looked
around and tried to raise my hat; bicycle
fell over and 1 put my Trilby smash
through front wheel. Repair shop prom
Uses wheel tomorrow. Hope those ladies
won't know me next time l look like q
gentleman.
The entries stopped here, so the wife
added:
"Tuesday.-Went out to park, where
the roadway wasn't crowded. Met a lady
on wheel. turned out and she turned
in
"What are you doing there so still?"
said the remains in the bed.
Trying to bring your bicycle economy
account up to date dear"
"Just say I'd rather meet drove of
Texas steers, all long horned and mad,
than woman on wheel The streets are
not wide enough for me and any woman
that ever held a handle bar. Just say that
the way to meet a woman rider is to get
over into the fields as soon as you sight
her,
'Shall put down the expenses in the
case?"
Expense be BIZ See here; you write
letter to one of the papers and get the
address of the secretary of the antibicycle
league. I'm going to join when the bone
SETS
"Nevor mind, dear; get another wheel
and cconomize some more. And-it isn't
so bad, you know; your life's insured. -
Buffalo Express.