Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-12-05

Lots of room for cheerfulneSs,
Though it rains food;
Let's be thankful that it's not,
Slush instead of mud.
Washington Star.
In these days the matrimonial match.
only seems to light ON the money box.
Truth.
Hoax--Have you any life insurance.
Joax-No. Can't get any. play foot
ball.-Philadelphia Record.
Silious-Leave me alone with my;
thoughts. Cynicus--What perfection OF
solitude. Philadelphia Record.
"She's an old friend of mine" Srhat
may be, but don't let her hear you put
it in that way."-Boston Courier.
Mamma-Wby did you give the baby,
that drum? Papa-Because he makes
less noise when he has the drum.-Life..
Hoyt has written a play called 1.-THE,
Satisfied Woman" This must be one
of Charley's jokes, or else he doesn't.
know woman.-Boston Courier.
You believe in free silver, don't
your II do, but really haven't dol;
-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Don't you think, dear, we might af-i
ford one Of the horseless carriagesY'
I'VE might take the horseless part now
and wait for fortune to bring us the
rest"-Judge.
Don't give me gas" the patient said, !,
Il fear that If you do. /
Aud 11ca tho bind r rrot Of hama
You cannot see me through"
New York Herald. @ J.
Bowlder (excitedly)-I tell you, sir,
this town isn't big enough to hold us
both. Waugh (calmly)-All,right. When
are you going away ?-Somerville Jour-
nal.
Doler-Are you troubled with thes
toothache? Moler lin agony)-Great
Caesar! Did you ever know a person
to have toothache without being trou-
bled with it-Roxbury Gazette.
Your friend, Van Dooze, is great
practical JOKER / believe" Eyes, but
he isn't my friend any more" Whats
the matter" L played a joke on him
the other y."--Chicago Record.
".
Here, what are you doing with my
watch? Pickpocket-Making it useful.
You see, watch is worthless without
hands on it.-Richmond Dispatch.
Exact bridegroom (who is receiving
his brides dowry)-Ten dollars are still
wanting. Father-in- laW-What? oh,
my daughter swallowed that $40 when
she was child" -Fliegende Batter.
Teacher--Now, suppose there were
five boys going skating, and they had
only three pairs Of skates, how many
boys would have to look on? Boy
know: the two that got the worst of the
fight -Harper's Round Table.
Yeast-I wish this restaurant fellow
would print his bill Of fare in English,
so fellow could tell what he is eat
ing! Crimsonbeak-Good gracious: Do
you want the fellow to lose all his
trade Ply onkers Statesman.
Ethel suppose / shall have to wear
this veil; it's the only one have. It's
so thick one can hardly see my face
through it. Edith-Oh, wear 1t, by all
| means. Everybody says you never had
Transcript.
Mrs. Ferry-Dear, that necktie is get
ting fr;ghtfully seedy Mr.. Ferry-I
guess it will do for another week or two.
Mrs Ferry-George Ferry, if you don't
come home tonight with new one
on, will buy you one myself.-Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
! Wife-What in the world do you want
! with a trombone! You know that tho
| man next door has driven us nearly
! wild by his performance on that awful
instrument. Hubby-Calm yourself,
| my dear. That's the one I've bought
/ Harper's Razar.
Great Scott!- howled the boss, docs
| ii take you four hours to carry mes
! sage three squares and return" wy"
| said the new office boy, you told me to-
see how long 1t would take me to- go
there and back, and ! done It'll
dianapolis Journal.
Singleton suppose you imagine tllat
woman is dead in love with you?
! Spooner-Imagine! I'm sure OF It,. I'd
like to have you hear her run Oh about
Kitty Steele, whom used to take round
to evening gatherings and such things.
Boston Transcript.
Il want to buy makeup box said
the Young married man. "A make IN
box?'' the confectioner echoed. 1--WE
don't keep theatrical supplies II ,acan
box Of candy to take home to my wife.
promised to be home three hours aso--
Indianapolis Journal.