Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-04-12

~ nUfto 'v"ftf
~ feler don't know what to do. 3"
complained Tommy. "The kids that
nav wants me To play with their moth
ers don't want 'em TO play with me. -
indianapolis JourHaL
"One big disadvantage dat de human
race labors undah sand Uncle Eben,
"am dc fact dat YOU mos aiiuS KANT
ledge er man by his New Y'ahs resou-
lion. - Washington Star.
Kawler-lt strikes me those articles
OF yours are so deep people will hardly
De able 10 digest them. Scribbies-O,
that's all right. They are to 20 into
patent iu,ides. - Bu9aio courier.
First Mean Man Have youa cigar"
Second Mean Man-"Yes. but only one,
and want TO smoke myself. well,
have one. too. And they smiled and
smoked and each respected the other
Lys.
Upton-Don't You think Mrs Wabash
was i'm rather an un,ecmly hurry to
marry after getting her divorce? Lake
side Goodness, no. She waited until
the decree was brought to her by "A
messenger boy l. AdrertiScr
You will remember" said Snorkns.
that geese once saved Rome" Yes, ."
replied Barkins, but that's no excuse
ior 50 many geese cackling nowadays
under the impression that they are say
ing this country. '-Dctrou free Press.
The eud-of-the-century baby is a
philosophers \ child was rebuked by
her father for breaking window in a
lit of temper. This, my child" said
the father is wickedness' NO.
papa, replied the child reprovingly,
at it heredity. LcwtSt9u JoUHaL
Mother (,ternly) You've been skat-
ing, Tommy, after ! said expressly that
YOU could not Tommy CATER a mo-
ment's silence, doggedly) Any how,
the old Ign lied. II SAID Danger"
aud skajed ali over the pace aud
there wasn't bit Of danger.-N Y.
Times.
How did Smthers get along out
west?' Not very we'll He was a
remarkable fellow quick at repair
tee Yes, that's how the trouble riz.
Fl he had been not so quick at repartee
an little bit quicker with gun he
might be niyin' this climate yit."-
Detroit Free Press.
Head OF Firm Young man, | under
stand that You have been winning At
poker lately Steele Peun-Well sir,
hope YOU viii overlook it this time.
Head of Firm Certainly, but | want
YOU to come around to the house to-
night. Ny vile is getting up a little
game " J. H,raH
She have every reason to believe
him a man of correct principles. Why,
| heard him say only last evening that
no money would tempt him to DO a
wrong act He-That's equivalent to
saying he'd do it for nothing, isn't il?
Well, didn't think him quite so bad
as that. Boston Transcript.
Peddler Please, sir perhaps your
wife would be pleased if you'd buy one
of my God Bless Our Home notices
beautifully colored and - Blinkers
(savagely) Fellow, My wife has just
applied for divorce. Peddler-Ah!
Well, here is something she will like
then-"If at first you don't succeed, try
try again. ~ T. Weekly.
McSwatters / wish could get out
of paying Dobson that $40 | owe him.
McSwitters-Wh don you 90 up to
him with a roll OF bills in your hand
and say: "Dobson, here's that fifty
borrowed of you?' McSwatters But
| only borrowed ten! McSwitters-
That's all right. The object is TO Kill
Dobson by the shock, and the $40 is
yours. -SyracuSe Post.
william" said old Mr.. Skinner, al
WAYS take your seat near the rear end
of the street car What for father?"
at is principle of business, my son
that should be taken advantage Of"
Explain. father" BY taking your
seat at the rear end you get TO hold
your nickel that much longer, and in
terest is worth something these days"
-CieUeiaHd PidiRdeqier.
We give below few gems culled
from the works of Ponson du Terrall:
"Her hand was cold like that of ser
pent." The countess was about TO re-
ply when a door opened and closed her
mouth" "Ha, hat he exclaimed in
Portuguese. The colonel paced back
ward and forward with his hands be-
hind his back reading the newspaper"
AT this sight the negro's face grew
dreadfully pale. lie Figure.
"IIe will return she persisted. They
had quarreled she admitted, and he
had departed in anger, but she knew he
still loved her. "He will return. p"
Finally, when it seemed best that she
should know the worst they told her as
gently As they could that the best UNI
brella in the hat rack was gone, and in
its place strange alpaca affair with a
wood handle and broked rib. With
a wild shrek she surrendered herself to
despair. Detroit Tribune.
Never she said haughtily. "nver
darken my doors again" He stood be-
fore her humbly and would have spoken,
but she silenced him with a wave of her
bejeweled hand, and went on: IL told
you in the first place that wanted
them doors painted a robin's-egg blue,
and here you've went and grained them.
| know what want and I'm going to
have it, YEARLY he got ont his putty
knife and sandpaper and began to rec
tify his error Bubaio Commercial.
From the sauuterpr's London friend