The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-20

PAoyI luQu1TSU QUO AuIuOE VI duOtuOIs
think about It'll They did not think
about it at all. They merely wrote
about it ~ Washington Star.
In view of the fact that the horse show
has become q greater occasion than
Easter for the display of the latest
fashions, why not call it frankly the
clothes-horse showP-Ihe Critic.
Mantle prettiest girls always mar
ry the biggest fools. Maid - Mr..
Snoopenhauser, / esteem you highly,
but it is useless to try to carry me off
my feet with glittering generalities.
Young LADY, should like to give
my intended little surprise before our
marriage What would you recon-
nendP Lady friend-Don't wear your
false teeth just for once.-L' obi Glotto.
Briggs-My doctor has ordered me
to eat as little as possible for a week.
Griggs-Is that SOP Come around to
my 6oarding-house and take Thanks
giving dinner with me.-N. 7. Herald.
MIR. Scrimp-My, dear. 1 don't see
how you had this counterfeit bill passed
on you'll Mrs. Scrimp-Well, you don't
let me see enough real money to enable
me to tell the difference.-Harper's
Baxar.
One thing poor, weak woman can
never understand is why it costs a man
$3.50 to win turkey for 10 cents in
rattle. But women are not presumed to
know everything. = Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Hills-Who was that you just bowed
toa Hulls-Why. that's jerks, the great
fiction writer. Hills-Never heard of
him. What has he written? Hulls-
Testimonials for patent medicines.-M.
=. World.
"Did I understand ycu to say that
Thompson was a farmer?" "Good
gracious, no! said he made his money
In wheat. You never heard of farmer
doing that, did Indianapolis
Journal.
"What would you call my new apart
and the other, gazing thoughtfully at
an ugly pile Of bricks and mortar said:
II should call it flat failure. "-B Boston
Bulletin.
The young man-Gracie. what is it
your father sees in me to object TOP The
young woman (wiping away tear)
he doesn't see anything in you.
Algernon; that's why he objects.-Boston
Home Journal.
Laura Gold maid to her neighbor at
dinner)-You eat very little, Mr.. Jen-
kins. jenkins (lattered, and wishing
to return a compliment)-Ah, Miss
Laura, to sit by you takes ones appe-
tite away.-TTuth.
aVorpo roor - oo;d tho star,, Yoorou%
rs he suddenly entered the room, "you
seem to be getting along pretty we'll
"Oh. no." replied the young man as he
shifted the girl TO his other knee, I'm
only holding my own. Albany argus.
"Ah." she said in reply to his hatter-
ing remarks, beauty, you know, is
only skin deep" "Yes," he returned.
"but consider the vast number of girls,
and many Of them your own associates,
who haven't got it that deep. IN z.
Press.
Can you love anotherP" she asked,
nesting closer to his bosom. Earnestly
be gazed into her deep blue eyes. 81
think not" he said. "I'm buying flow
ers and tneater suppers for six now, and
with you guess I've about reached my
limit"
Mrs. Yearwood (beseechingly-Oh,
if only knew some way to keep my
husband at home nights. Can't you,
from your long married experience,
suggest plan? Mrs. Oldhand (grim-
ly)-Certainly; chain him. - Bufalc
Courier.
Young wife-Oh, mamma, put my
curling irons on the fire, quick! Charlie
has been bitten by a mad dog. "Are
you going to cauterize the wound?'
"No; I want to curl my bangs SO car
run for the doctor. Hurry up!"-Aatstin
Rolling Stone.
Teacher-Tommy. did you find ou
anything about the origin of the dollar
markp Tommy asked paw about il
and he said the straight lines stood fol
the pillars of society and the crooked
one for the way they got their money
Cincinnati Tribune.
Every kind of game is getting
scarcer and scarcer in this country,
remarked the man with the gun case
That's SO" replied the parsonage wht
wears conspicuously striped cuffs. g
reckon de tax on playin' cards has {
good deal ter do wild it, Washington
Star.
"And you say he was defeated by ont
voteP" said the professor. "Yes," re
piled his wife, who had been reading
from the paper. "That's interesting
very interesting" he mused. "It's
positive paradox. It's what might b,
called a singular plurality" Washing
ton Star.
The young brother-I say. brothe,
Bob, lend me quarter, will youP Th
lover-What do you mean by calling m
brother Bob? The young brother
Well, your names Bob, ant it? AM
sis saws she's decided to be sister t.
you. And I'm her brother, amt I?-
Harper's BGzGT.
Literary mau (to his new factotum
What became of the letter that wa
on my desk? Pat-Sure 1 mailed ii
sor. Literary man-Mailed it? Yo
idiot. Why, there was no address o.
it. Pat-Shure l know that, sor, bu
thought you didn't want me to know
who you was writing to.-Teros SJl
tssgs.
II b'lieve them Oldhams is gettin' t
be regular agnostics, F." said Aunt Sara
Jane. They don't keep the fanil
bible on the center table in the beS
room no more" well, 'tisn't thei
religion they're hiding" Aunt An
Eliza replied. "It's their age. Thel
Oldham girls are getting on."-An
StDerS.
Standing in silence by the ships raj
they watched until the shores of he
native land were lost to sight. Fondl
the prince looked into the face of hi
bride. Darling" he tenderly asked
"do you look TO the future with an
feeling of uncertainty" NO. See!
To prove her trust she showed him tn
return trip ticket she had purchased
Puck.
Editor (dictating)-John Jones, on
year. ten subscriptions, two gallons {
sirup; Bill Smith. six months, one ful
head cabbage; Jim Banks three months
one peck cowpeas; Tom Brown, tw
months, half-load lightwood. Have yo
got them DOWN." SAll down" NO,
90 out and bunch the lot for No.
Sair o. shoes an two billed shirts!"-
Atlanta Constitution.