Bennington semi-weekly banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 1894-1902, 1895-07-16
AIetter as Readable Now as 1t was
When Written.

Coufedrit y roads (Which is in the
State of kentucky, Jan. 22nd, 1873.
l amt so certin that l want the silver
bill to pass ez l wuz. The fact is, the
thing don't work ez l sposed it wood,
aud amt clear onto it. There is suttle
principles in these finanshel questions
witch requires great deel Nv thought,
and there is underlying principles witch a
man has got to understand afore he is
competent to set hisself up ez authority.
One thing | am certain Nv, Bascom
amt no tinanseer, nor never will be, and
l told him so.
Now. don't you see, Bascom, that if
had twict ez much money, Good drink
twict ez much whiskey, and pay for it?"
How much is twice nothin'?" wuz
the unfeelin' anser Nv the tyrant who
holds the destinies Nv the Corners in his
hands. That's wOt yOOr capitle hez bin
ever sence knewd yOo."
"Parson," said he, 81 don't see what
earthly difference it's goin' to make
whether silver is currency or anything
else. How are 700 goin' to get silver
eff it is made legal tender? Eff silver wuz
ez plenty ez bricks, wat hev 700 got to
git any Nv it with?"
"Troo, G. W." wuz my answer; but
can't 700 see that to hev silver wood re-
leeye the dettOr class? Even now, afore
it is legal tender, it's with 90 cents on
the dollar, and when the country is food
id with it, it will go still lower. Then
we-or rather SIGH Nv us ez heY property
to raise money on-kin pay Off
"Eggsactly So" retorts Bascom; you
kin pay me for the good honist likker NV
mine, witch you hev consoomed, in coin
witch is less than the dollar 700 prom
Used. All rite. But look here-come in
here all NV 700. l want 700 silver men
to know exactly wat 700 are rushin' in
to-"
And this feen led us into the back
room-that back room witch contanes
the subsistence NV the Corners. There,
in barrils, piled one on top Nv another,
wuz the delishus whiskey Nv Louisville,
NV different ages, rangin' from that NV
two weeks old to that of witch he'd jist
left the still.
Bascom p'inted to an immense tank
witch he had erected within few days,
with pipe running in from the roof.
81 shan't raise the price Nv likker in
conscience NV bein' paid for it in a de-
preshiatid currencyp' sed he.
| fell on Bascom's neck in an extacy NV
delite, while the Others shouted, "Rah
for Bascom"
"But I'll tell 700 wat shell do. Do
700 see that tank?" sed he. THAT tank
will fill with rane-water," sed he. 1.-THE
moment 700 git to payin' me in silver, l
shell take out NV each Nv them barrils
jist eggsactly three and one-tifth gallons
NV likker and fill it with water"
"Merciful hevingsr' we all exclaimed,
land yooT lilkker so weak now!"
"And when silver gifts down to IS cents
on the dollar, shell take out % per cent
NV whiskey, and fill her up with 20 per
cent. of water. And so on down. Eff
silver goes up 1 shell add whiskey eggs
actly in proporshen. In short my whis-
key is jist agoin' to foller currency, and
nothin' shorter. 700 fellers witch work
for wagis may SWEET, but won't"
"But yoo'l increase the size Nv OF yoor
glasses" sed l.
mot any. But 700 may pay twice ez
many times to git the same amount NV
drunk ez before, by paying for eech
drink"
And Bascom stallzed hawtily back and
took his posishen behind his bar.