The morning times., 1895-12-29

upon the subject of the Armenian question
she could make the matter clearer In the
minds OF our statesmen than it now ISL
HENRY CLEWs A CANNIBAL.
/ Henry Clews, banker and general confidant
Of the affairs of nations, shifted the air
contemptuonsly when asked about his New
Years advice for the Sultan of Turkey.
'IfI were Abdul Hamed," said Mr.. Ciews.
~ would allow myself to he carved up like
New Years turkey. That Is the gift
would give for the good Of humanity and the
sooner could give 1t the better. II this ad :
vice reaches AIR. Hamed before New Years
day hope he will act upon 1t to the extent
OF appointing the royal carver.
but this is new year leaf in extremis.
IL is like telling mortal man to become
saint straightway. You know he W ill not
doit. So l have second ew lea 4 for Abdul
Hamed. III were he would gather myself
together to make all the nations of the
world New Year present. l would give
them my nation. l would say to England:
Here is slice. Take that part which win
best supply your markets.
-, TO. America / would say: Here take
my commercial products, my wines, my
tobacco, my storage foods, everything that
will bear long transportation; and to the
rest or the world ! would seyerally donate
the different parts, where my fine manu-
featuring work was being carried on, my
rugs and ceramics.
Having been thus generous, I would
say: Gentlemen, turn about is fair pla w.
] want you to pension me. Give HE my
title, my hareni, my living in all perpetuity,
and make my race as royal as the fallen
royalty OF France and as highly respected
Failing to convince A Abdui Harned of the
desirabiiity of doing this thing, l would
urge this policy OF division upon the nations
or the world. This is Minister Terreil's
duty. and while he delays he is omen to
criticism. II i were he, sooner than allow
the sultan to slaughter tine white people
Christians, and even countrymen OF mime
j would slaughter him up as cut up my
New Years turkey"
LEARN OF PLATT.
T. C. Platt smiled very broadly when he
was asked what lie would advise the sultan
to turn over in The way OF new leaf.
do you suppose he is going to ask my
advice?' snapped he. "Do you suppose
that heath-I mean that fellows going 10
ask me what lie better do In the matter
OF reform this year to make his nation more
peaceful? Never. No more than i am
going to ask him.
Here the smile died away upon Mr Plalt's
face and he wore his goose look This
Is the expression his face axes when he has
made up his mind to squeich somebody
to cook their political goose, so to speak.
Standing near T. c. Platt was friend of
-his-a statesman and an admirer of PIatt
Don't mention my name,'' said he .or
Platt would Kill me. But you can say for
me that l would advise the sultan to take
lessons In hoSsism Of T. c.. Plat and try
TO be as successful a boss he. That would
be my advice to any man trying to govern
a Kingdom. study Platt's methods as
boss If you master them you're all right.
Think OF that when you're writing to
Hamed."
s. V. WHITES LEDGER.
s. Y. White, whose reputation as Dea-
Con OF Wall street and the man of peace
prepared for things pacific. is languish-
ing for a certain job. IL is that OF adviser
to Abdul Hamed- Il am not in bis con-
fidence," says Mr.. White, but / wish
was. I'd like to be his paid adviser for
an hour. He'd pension me afterward TO
hold my tongue.
What would / advise? wouldn't say
n word for ten minutes. I'd fix him with
a look. Then I'd call slave and send him
out for big new ledger. the biggest aud
whitest he could find. IF he brought back
a little one I'd order him killed.
when I'd got ledger big enough and
clean enough I'd open 1t before Abdul
Il anu epTtdu out IT'S white pages IN
front of him. Look at that I'd say. and
see IF you can see how clean it is Now,
You keep that ledger as white as IL now
Is. Let your records be on the side of
peace and profit. Let never a blood stain
enter there. IL has no right on the record
OF one OF the greatest nations Of the
world. Do you hear me, Abdul Hamed?
Let that clean white ledger be your new
leaf. aud You keep il SO. Sabe?
,Er,I- "A. IL
me? oh, no. Kings make business
Of getting only agreeable counsellors"
d. o. Mills tranquil mind was filled with
wonder upon the very question of Turkey
at the minute ii was propounded to him. |
II am amazed said he, IF the Sultan |
1oes not know what new leaf to turn over |
his new year. He has got with him one |
Of the cleverest diplomats there is-Alex- |
inder Terrell. Do ] think Terrell ought |
% jog His Highness's memory upon certain |
points? Yes; ] do. / think If were |
Terrell should be guided by my surround |
ngs, and these at this time would certainly |
'how me something was wrong. If were |
Terrell ] should take hand at turning |
,ver he.leaf myself IL Hamed didn't know
,nough to do it himself"
A. II. Hummel, New York's Little North |
Dakota" rubbed his hands with glee
IT the idea of having a New Year leaf sug-
u
,ffer him the compliments of the season
md after had given him lot of flattery.
would ask favor of him. He would say: |
Speak and it shall be granted" ..Do
'ou mean it, sire?' would ask. And he
would say, "Yes; TO the extent of my
iiDgdom." "TheD step into the witness
hair" would say, land take the oath ON
he beard of your fathers.
HAND BEFORE HUMMEL.
"Then I would say to him. Did you
now that the Armenians were to be
laughtered? II he objected to the ques-
ion, would insist-by his word.
"Then would plump other questions at
i'm. Are you doing all you can to prevent
he Armenian atrocities? Are you punish
ng the murderers as fast as you can find
hem? Have you put up any a wful
enalty for those who kill Christians? Are
ou, Abdul Hamed. trying to preserve the
hildren OF Christian nations in peace
rithin your confines?'
IAN this time my best court eye
rould be upon him. And if he were guilty
c would quail. At the close of the cross
uestioning 1 would know the Turkey
Iatus as our diplomats would give worlds
ow to know it. Them would thank the
IItan and bow myself out"
Hall Caine was at the Everett House pack
lg his steamer trunk when asked about the
IltaD. 81 know your views" said the
,terviewer, land I'm going to say you
you'd like TO see Abdul Hamed slaughtered
Ike big holiday turkey.
''oh, don't say that" begged Mr.. Caine.
Don't say that-though I think so just
he same. I'm too sick to say exactly what
ny views on the subject are. They're ex-
rene, though"
There Is a member of the Turkish colony
f ConstantinOple now visiting in Washing
on. This gentleman tells strange, weird
ales of Turkey and our minister there.
ccording to him, Minister Terrell has
taA tha -Ich