Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1895-05-04

barrels to saving cord wood A detail from
the company police your yard" when
they remove from it the accumulation of
rubbish left by the previous occupant.
The general policing" around a post is
done by the guard house prisoners. for
the work is not very elevating, nor is 1t
tax on the brain. Kitchen police is a
company detail made daily to do the rough
work in the company kitchen. 1t is the
first detail given recruit, for the reason
that it requires some time for him to learn
his military duties, but no time in which
to learn to peel potatoes and wash dishes.
McPhee worked on his waist belt as long
as the sergeant remained in the room, then
he sauntered over to the bulletin board.
There it was, Kitchen police, Pvt. Nc
Phee." One of the old soldiers of the COM
pany came in and stood behind him.
Hello" said the old soldier, you're
down down for kitchen police, are you? Do you
No" admitted McPhee. II was jus
goin' t ask some of you'se fellows
Dent you know anything about it at
NO" answered the victim. "How should
know"
We'll" said his brother soldier, you're
in luck, and l want to congratulate you.
Why, man, only the most trusty men in the
company are given that detail, and they'll
all be Jealous when they know you've got
it. It's kind of a private detail. You see,
the captain has pretty good-looking cook,
and she's bothered during the evening by
lot of man who are breaking their necks
after her. So, every night he has a man
detailed to watch his kitchen-the kitchen
police, or cooks police, as most Of the men
call it. I've beer on duty there myself, and
I'll take you over tonight and tell you what
you've got to do"
McPhee thanked him and offered him
pipeful of tobacco. He thought himself
stupid flor a Bow'ry kid" for as soon as it
was explained to him he remembered hear
ing some men in the company speak of "the
cooks police" that very morning. Then he
INDUCED in a few hopes that the cooks
name might be Maggie"
That night the officers and ladies' Of Fort
BarrenaI were giving an amateur perform
ance of "Woodcock's Little Game" Capt.
knight. who was in command of the COM
pany to which McPhee had been assigned,
was to attempt the not very difficult role
of David, the man servant. The captain
was small, slight man, and at an early
day the alkaline waters of the frontier had
removed most Of the hair from his head.
In his makeup for the character he had
used sundry pillows to increase his avoir-
dupois, and sleek, black wig to cover his
badness, to say nothing of many pigments
and powders to further alter his everyday
appearance. Like many small men, he was
nervous and fussy, and five minutes before
the time announced for the performance he
discovered that he had forgotten pair Of
patent leather pumps that are referred to
in the lines of the play. There was no time
to be lost. The post hall was filled with
officers, their families and the soldiers Of
ing the opening selection. Throwing a
macintosh over his shoulders, the gallant
captain took a Decline path down the alley
way for his quarters, reaching the back
gate much out of breath and in Distress
ingly bad hum or with the world in general
AS he opened the gate sfx-foot figure in
blue uniform barred his entrance.
who are yer?" demanded the figure ac-
cording to the instructions given him by
the joking old soldier.
Get out Of my way" painted the dis
guised captain, as he made rush to pass.
mo yer don't" answered the obstruct-
ing. figure, selling the maddened captain
with strong arm and holding him as in
vice. Now, yer tells me who yer is, an
if yer isn't frien' of de- cap'ns cook, yer
don't come in. See?"
Release me this moment" howled the
small captive. Don't you know me? I'm
your captain, and I'll have you sent to
Leavenworth for this.
Would yer hear him." mimcked the
captor. "Dis fat man, wild de bay window
in front an de head of hair like a barber,
sayin' he's me cap'n. He'll be de Prince
of Wales mex, but he can't fool me, CHM
mey McPhee. de cooks perlice. Say, don't
yer tink knows me own cap'n?'
The blood of the disguised company COM
mander was at the boiling point, but he
saw that it was useless to try to explain
to the raw young giant. Besides, time was
flying; they were waiting for him in the
amusement hall. His family, all the fami-
lies in the post, were there; he could not
call for any of them. If he called for the
guard the non-oommissioned officer would
recognize him at once, but the dgnified
captain hesitated about making himself the
laughing stock of every soldier in the post
Meanwhile, the minutes were passing For
one brief moment he inwardly cursed anna
teur theatricals, the man who originated
them and the soldier who had planned this
ill-timed joke on the miserable recruit from
the Bowery. Then an idea struck him.
can my servant" said he in voice as
dignified as his predicament would admit.
RI LODI,
Phee. "You'se can call her yerself, an If
she says yer frien' of hers, dat goes.
See? But don't yer go givin' her de blum
dat yer me cap'n."
In small, angry, but by no means the
atrical voice, the made-up captain called.
the door of the kitchen was opened, and on
the scene appeared the astonished cook
and her devoted attendant, the Captains
first sergeant.
Sergeant" said the captain, take this
man to the guard house and confine him by
my order, SIR" -
"Huly geer exclaimed NcPbes DC ~
sergeants powerful hand closed on him
DIDN'T yer say yerself dat 1 was de cooks
per.ice? l wasn't dom nothin'. How was
The old sergeant had served through
many an Indian campaign, and in his days
mad seen recruits given all sorts of unmili-
tary tasks by older soldiers. The captain
and the commanding officer We're more
sacred to him than the laws of Moses and.
although he could not comprehend the
scene he had just witnessed he realized
that the joke on McPhee was more serious
than its originator had planned.
"McFhee,' said he, as they neared the
guard house, lone old soldier never gets
ar other old soldier into trouble. If you
know who put this nights job I'D on YOU
you had better forget his name and his
personal appearance"
nWot yer givin' me?" answered Chimney.
Cd yer s'pose I'd peach on fellowY'
At his captains request, McPhee was re-
leased from the guard house the following
morning. He was ordered to report at
Capt. Knights quarters, and there received
fifteen-minute talk that he never after
ward forgot. Particularly was it explained
to him whose orders he should obey. But
the captains efforts to learn the name or
the general appearance of the man who
had explained the duties of the cooks po-
lice were fruitless.
At the end of the fifteen minutes Private
McPhee walked over to his barracks, with
a fixed idea that his captain was made of
de proper stuff" At the same time Capt
knight walked over to the officers club
where waiting assemblage compelled him
to open as much champagne as though he
were a cavalryman and had been thrown
from his horse.
Better Death.