The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1895-08-02
Apostle TEXTS.

Some clergymen have a peculiar knack
of selecting opposite texts for almost every
possible OCCASION but the most amusing
instances of appropriateness are just those
undersigned condolences which some
times occur when the preachers intentions
are far enough away from any desire to
raise smile
1t is rep orted of the late Mr.. Peter Es-
slemont once an M. P, and subsequently
Chairman of the Scotch Fishery Board,
that when he was appointed Provost of
Aberdeen he was expected to attend church
with the other magistrates, in accordance
with the usual custom. Something, how
ever occurred to detain him. and the con-
gregation was much astonished and, as
may be supposed, not little amused,
when the minister gave out as his text,
Now, there was no small stir what was
become of Peter"
good story is told of the Rev. j. Bate
man. rector of Southchurch, who died not
long ago at the advanced age of 81. He
was strong low church partisan, and
much to his displeasure, had son who
favored ritualistic practices. The son had
often asked his father to occupy his pull
pit but the father refused for long time.
Ultimately he consented, and when he as
ccnded the pulpit ne gave out as his text
Lord have mercy on my son, for he is a
lunatic," and on this rather strong passage
based a vigorous attack on his sons tend
encies. The feelings of the son may be
better imagined than described
There is a certain vicar of whom it is
told that, preaching at recent cyclst
church parade, he took for his text, 'The
spirit of the living creature is in the wheel"
When in an East Yorkshire church a new
stove was put in, next Sunday the text
given, very appropriately, no doubt, was
aha! | am warm; l have seen the fire."
In the same church, when the squire had
given warm scarlet cloaks to dozen poor
old women the clergyman selected as his
text, Solomon in all his glory was not ar
rayed like one of these" which was rather
hard on the recipients of the charity.
The story told of the Rev. DR.. Howard,
rector of St. Georges, Southwark, and
chaplain to Princess Augusta, has been
frequently quoted, but will bear repitition
in this connection. This gentleman was
fond of good living, and was continually
in debt with many of the tradesmen of his
parish. Specially for the benefit of his
creditors, he one day preached from the
text, Have patience and | will pay you
all" expatiating at great length on the vir-
tues of patience, and finally wound up with
the words, Il now come to the second part
of my discourse, which is and | will pay
you ALL but that shall defer to future
occasion"
When the minister was struggling to put
on a fourfold extra starched collar, and
the perspiration was starting from every
pore, BLESS the collar" he muttered. "Oh,
yes bless it; bless the blessed COLLAR TO
him enters his wife, who at this particular
ly opportune moment, propounded the
simple enough query: My dear, what is
your text for this mornings sermonY' To
short gasps: "TTwenty-first v-verse,
fifty fifth psalm. The w-words of his
m mouth were s-smoOther than b-butter,
but w-war w-was in his heart"
But not Only as the pegs whereon ser
mons are hung are opposite texts used;
they are also brought forward in other
connections, of which many instances
might be given. When Dr. Pierson was
requested to take charge of the Metropoli-
tan Tabernacle some time ago, he commu-
Gated his acceptance in Il manner both un-
ique and economical. His cablegram ran
as follows: 'Philemon twenty-five, Pier
son. and the text in question reads, But
withal prepare me also lodging; for |
trust that through your prayers shall be