Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-02-25
HUMOR or THE DAY.


''rakes after his father"-The boy
with sawed-off trousers. Puck.
When man is resigned to fate, fate
usually accepts the resignation.-Puck.
Things are not what they seem.
Free lunch, for instance, is not Free
Atchison Globe.
Tell girl that she writes an inter-
esting letter. and she begins to dream
of writing o book. Globe.
It is all right to court the Muse:
but her editorial guardians make it
awfully hard to get hold of any of her
money.-Puck.
If we may judge by wigs and shaven
faces, the barber seems to have been
the most important eighteenth
tury parsonage.
The tide taken at the food only
bears man on to fortune when he is
smart enough to walk ashore before it
can take him back. Puck.
Caller -"Where are you going for
your vacation, dear?" Mrs. Make.
bread-"Going to let cook go for u
couple of weeks. - Inter Ocean.
Mistress thinking about desserH-
"What kind Of pies are you most ia
miliar with?" New Girl-"Baker'
pies, Mum. New York Weekly.
'T cannot live without you,"
The love-lorn suitor sighed;
"And could not live with you,"
The wealthy maid replied.
New York Morning journal.
Harry-W understand she gave you
O fiat refusal?" Jack-"Yes; nothing
but four-story brownstone would
satisfy her" Kate Fields Washing
ton.
You can not raise flowers with last
years sunshine; but the rosiest flow
ers of fancy often spring from the
glowing warmth of last years over
coat.
Jinks-T understand you were
pretty we'll off before you were mar
ried." Blinks-"Yes; but 7 didn't
know it."-Smith, Gray & Co. e
Monthly.
Little Boy-'How old are you?'
Miss Antique (confusedly)-"You
should not ask lady how old she is"
Little Boy-"Oh, 'xcuse me. How
young are you?"-Good News.
''Blamed if l see any fun in having
to put up at hotel," muttered Blk
er to himself as he handed his watch
and chain over to the clerk as security
for his board. Buffalo Courier.
The ancient knight leaned lightly
upon his lance. Marry" The
modern maid was on his neck in an in
stant. ooh, Roderick," she cried,
''Thls is 80 sudden !"-Pick Me Up.
Young Soulptor--.'Well, Bronson,
what do you think of that bustP"
Bronson-"H'm-it may be o good
bust-but, really, Chizzle, it strikes
me as bad break. - Harper's Bazaar.
oh, don't you remember Sweet Alice, Ben
Sweet Alice with hair so brown;
How she clipped it all Off and bought q
blonde wig
As soon as she got into town.
philadelphia Record.
Maude lat the piano)-"I do hate
these finger exercises. I think they're
just horrid." Edith-"Why, I think
they're lovely. They do show off
ones rings to such advantage, you
know. Boston Transcript.
Nettie-"What did Mr.. Knowall
write on the card he put in the basket
of fowers?" Blanche-"For the one
I love best" Nettie-"The horrid
creature has bought them for him
self. "-Chicago Inter Ocean.
II marriage Is failure, as the critics oft
have said,
And the wedding-bell but tolls Loves
elegy;
II marriage is failure, and love SO soon is
A clear case of heart-fai;ure it must be.
Carolyn Wells.
First Pater-" "Loaded down as usu-
al" Second Pater-"Yef. It's piano
music for my daughter" First Pater
Apparently she gets it by the ton. +"
Second Pater (wearily)-"Yes, but
she delivers it by the pound. Pitts
burg Bulletin.
II can tell you, baron, that when
my offer of marriage was rejected by
the prima donna was SO utterly mis-
cradle that I was on the point of
throwing myself out of the window"
"What prevented you?" "The
height. ."-Karlsbaden Wochenblatt.
In Active Practice at Ninety-eight.
n