The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1895-04-29
HEARD ON THE SIDE,

Which, when issued. net him something
on the side. 1t so happens that these
same documents are of a nature newsy
in character. and the reporters are ever
on the alert to get hold of them. The
good wife of this man is lady who is
a reader of the papers and every morn
ing she scans all of them with care
for the notices of the papers referred
to. and when found carefully counts
the same and at once demands Of her
lord and master half 1t is in vain that
he sometimes expostulates; she has the
data right before her and there is no
evading the little lady. He thought of
a happy idea the other day and said
that he believed he would pay the re-
porters certain amount of commission
for the suppression of this branch OF
the news service. and after ascertain
ing the rate from each one sat down to
figure. When the task was complete
he remarked: 81 guess that l viii let
my wife have it all in the future. it
will be a saving Of money for me-"
How do you make that out?" said a
friend. Because he sadly answered.
lat the rate these pencil fiends tax me
and counting the entire number who
come here. [ find that on every deal
would come out a dollar and a half in
debt
The young lady at the cigar stand in
the joint building is a sort of mind
reader in a small way. She declares
that she can tell just what kind of a
day it has been in the convention by
the action of the delegates in smoking
cigars. When they come down and
buy for each other and stand around
and smoke in genial way L know that
it has been a quiet day. When one
man comes along and takes one by
himself. l know that some debate has
been INDUCED in. But when they come
down and after getting their cheroots
they bite the ends off in a spiteful way
then 1 realize there has been a red hot
debate and govern myself accordingly.
How about those that do not smoke?
Oh. they Indicate their feelings in the
manner in which they chew gum"
Jack May is so intense a Republican
that he has changed the name of the
Cleveland bicycle which he won in a
popular voting contest from Cleveland
to Harrison.
Senator Elkins. who was in the city.
is reported to have said that Salt Lake
city is the prettiest town that he has
seen in all the western country. The
senator should have waited in Zion just
a few more days, when the foliage is
all out. and then expressed his senti-
ments.
The gravity sewer laborer is not I'M
like the Irish merchants cat The
aforesaid cat was lean animal which
had been rescued from a life of perse-
cution by dogs by the merchant and
was in a very poor state as regards
flesh. He gave orders to his clerk to
e.
1t should become fat. One morning,
happening to notice that Kitty was not
developing as fast as he could wish, he
picked her UP and said. Mike
''Yis. sor."
Didn't I tell yez to feed this cat
pound o mate a day?'
You did,
And did yez?"
Did yez feed it pound the
marnin'?''
"Oi did"
Throwing the cat on a pair of scales
the feline tipped the beam at exactly a
pound
mike"
''Yis, sor.''
Here's tn mate; pwhere TIL divil Is
tn cat?''
The names of the parties are sup
pressed for various reasons. but there
is a good story in the facts. A few days
ago a man came here from a neighbour
ing town in search of his wife. 1t
wasn't Pierce, of Denver, either. This
fellow had blood In his eye and swore
that he would kill some one on sight.
The police got on to him in a short
time and he was cited to appear be-
fore the chief. The latter questioned
him regarding the matter and he
frankly said that the woman had left
him and was living with anotheS man
right here in Salt Lake. Il would not
care if l had been a bad man. he said
But such is not the case; l have al
ways treated her well and she had no
cause for complaint" The chief finally
persuaded him to give up the idea of
killing any one and after getting his
gun away from him informed him that
the whereabouts of the woman were
known. The visitor said that she had
some things of his which, if he gould
obtain. he did not know but what he
would be satisfied. A visit to the house
revealed the fact that the tickle partner
of his joys and sorrows had departed
and left his trunk behind. He immedi-
ately claimed it as his own, but the
paramour of the woman refused to let
him have it. and another visit to the
chief was made. This time the man in
some persuasion he decided that it was
all right. But when Sheets and the
husband of the woman had left in
quest of the trunk. he repented, and in
formed the head of the police depart
ment that he was going down to the
house and stop proceedings right away.
you will do nothing of the kind"
said Pratt. you will stay right here.
Why that man will kill you if you go
to monkeying around him. "Oh,
guess not" said the other. 81 reckon
that can keep the flies off him" Not
until the chief threatened to have him
arrested for violating the law did he
consent to stay away, and it was a
hard task convincing him that it was
not according to the strict rules of
Hoyle to live with a person of the OPP
posite sex without a marriage cere
mony having been performed.
Speaking of Pierce. the Denver man,
his wife is all right. Her whereabouts
are known and have been ever since
the day after he arrived in this city.
Mrs. Pierce is a woman of talent and
education, comes of a good family, and
simply wants to get rid of a man who,
as she says. will not support her, and
who. like the bad boy in the Bible
story. consumes his substance in riot
Gus living" Mrs. Pierce declares that
when drunk that he was little short of
a brute and that she was tired of hav-
ing to keep him up. His parents are
reported as being rich and able to as
sist him if he needs it, yet when she
was i'll at one time, she says that he
left her alone and went away When
she got well and was able to work, he