Pawtucket tribune. (Pawtucket, R.I.) 1890-189?, 1895-07-20
THE INVENTOR.


socentricities TO which 1t gives rise make
stay at his house rather trial to person
of weak nerves. A fortnight ago / spent
a few days Mt his place In Kent. and am
only Just getting over that painful expert
lence. Tupmore was very glad TO soc Inc
when arrived, conversed on current top
ics, and, up to lunchtime. had shown me
only one of his inventions, a patent foot
latch, " as he called it-none of his idea,
were patented, by the way-fxed to his
lorchard gate. This "latch" was device
for spening the gate by stepping on n sort
of treadle, leaving both hands free for car
rying washing baskets, etc, and the great
beauty of IL was that there was no ordinary
handle by which horses or cattle could ao
cidentally undo the fastening. While we
were examining it lunch was announced,
and we went In to feed. Presently Tup
more asked me to ring tho bell. rose
from my seat at once.
Don't get up" said my host, smiling
"We have our bell fixed TO the table foi
convenience, and you're next to 1t, as the
missus is away. It's right in front OF
lyou, level with your knees"
groped under the tablecloth and found
nothing. Then l put my head under,
making myself frightfully apoplectic, and
at last discovered the machine on the OPP
posite side of the table. / told Tupmore.
He was very yexed and said the silly sery
ant must have turned the table round
when she swept the room. He seemed so
distressed about 1t that hastily changed
over TO the other side OF the table and tried
90, II ha han 4
"You must pull 1t toward you" ex.
planned Tupmore.
/ did so, whereupon the table rocked
violently, and my glass of clarot emptied
itself upon my waistcoat
"I've pulled 1t nearly a yard, " said,
"but IL doesn't seem to make any differ.
ence."
"Ah, that's It'll You must pull and
then let 60"
let go. There was another miniature
earthquake, accompanied by an ear pierc
ing combination Of table gong and bicycle
bell, which made my hair stand on end.
"Now do you hear it?' asked the inven
tor triumphantly.
Did hear it! Good heavens! My outlet
had cooled down to zero during the excite
ment, whereas had made myself unpleas-
antly hot, and when the servant answered
the bell Tupmore had quite forgotten what
he wanted.
After lunch, as my friend had letters to
write, / strolled out into the orchard and
took 40 winks on rustic seat. When
opened my eyes, beheld full sized COW
staring at me In a distinctly unpleasant
manner. l am dreadfully nervous about
cattle. having once been chased by an in.
furiated bullock, so I promptly retreated.
The COW followed-she had a most busi-
nesslike pair of horns-and snOrted. at.
tempted to open the gate; but, to my in.
tense dismay could find neither handle
nor treadle-Tupmore had only shown me
the other side Of his .abominable patent
when the lunch bellrang. My prosecutor
came closer and tossed her head. This
demonstration may have been caused by
flies, but put it down to i'll temper, and
forthwith bundled awkwardly over the
fence, alighting on my back, and jerking
all the loose money out Of my trousers
pockets Twas still cropping for stray coins
when Tupmore came out, and explained
that had dropped something"-I didn't
like to mention the COW. Then we walked
round the farm. My friend deluged Ine
with inventions, which / dutifully ad-
mired. Some of them were really puerile,
some incomprehensible and l couldn't
help thinking, when we inspected the pig
sites, that he might well turn his atten-
tion to producing "patent" porker that
would consume its own evil odors.
About o'clock an unearthly hooting
disturbed the rural calm.
"That's my siren" said Tupmore. II
had it fitted to the kitchen boiler to call
me In when I'm on the farm. 1 expect 1t
means afternoon tea or visitor"
The siren was not pleasing at distance.
At close quarters it was simply flendish.
1t performed about ten times a day during
my visit, generally when / was indoors,
and has made me partially, and, I'm
afraid, permanently, deaf in one ear.
The house brstled with unpleasant sur-
prises. If 1 moved an innocent looking
chair, out came pair of slippers or book
from some hidden receptacle in the scat,
and if l pulled seeming bell handle it
gave way, and down fell flap disclosing
a ridiculous recess in the wall, Of no earth
Iy use to any one but kleptomaniac or o
magpie.
When 1 went to bed, had inventive
Nightmares. In the small hours clock
on the landing struck hundred or two
and was only deferred from further efforts
by Tupmore, who afterward came in to
apologize. he explained that the clock
was repeater connected by wire with
his bedroom, SO that he could make it
strike the hour IL he woke in the dark,
which, as he owned, he never did. "Those
beastly mice must have been fooling about
over the wires, he said. "They do some
times"
: asked him IL he had ever thought of
inventing really efficient mousetrap. OF
course he hadn' t done anything so sensible
! Early in the morning l was violently
aroused by the commencement of the fol-
lowing programme:
o q. m.-Siren.
! 6:30.-Ditto; also patent pumping
operations, the pipes being conveyed
through the wall at the head of my bed
7.-Siren.
7:15.-Machinery in motion Just below
my window-'patent" coffee grinding, or
some nonsense.
7:30.-Siren.
l ftor tkot