The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1895-07-16
THE INVENTOR.

stay at MS heuee rather tElRl 70 persop
Of Hsqk peryes A fortnight ago spent
fsw days at bis place In Kent, and am
only Just getting over that painful expert
snoe. Tupmore was very glad To sec me
when arrived, converssd op current top
los and, up y lunchtirne, had shown me
only one Of his Inventions, "patent foot
latoh," as he called it--none Of his ideas
were patented. BY the way-hxed to his
orchard gate. This "latch" was device
for Opening the gate by stepping on sort
of treadle, leaving both hands free for car
rying washing baskets, etc., and the great
beauty of IL was that there was no ordinary
handle by which horses or cattle could 40
oidentally undo the fastening. While we
were examining It lunch was announced,
and we went in to feed. Presently Tup-
more asked me to ring the beil. rose
from my seat at once.
"Don't get up" said my host, smiling.
1--WE have our bell fixed to the table for
convenience, and you're next to It, as tho
missus Ia away. It's right In front Of
you, level with your knees
CROPPED under the tablecloth and found
nothing Then put my head under,
making myself frightfully apoplectic, and
OF last discovered the machine on the op-
posite side Of the table. told Tupmore.
He was very vexed and said the silly serv-
ant must have turned the table round
when she swept the room. He seemed so
distressed about 1t that hastily changed
over to the other side Of the table and tried
TO ring the bell. 1t wouldn't move.
"You must pull 1t toward you," ex-
planned Tupmore.
did SO, whereupon the table rocked
violently, and my glass Of claret emptied
itself upon my waistcoat.
1--WE pulled 1t nearly yard" said,
"but 1t doesn't seem to mako any differ
snce."
"Ah, that's It'll You must pull and
then let CO."
earthquake, accompanied by an ear pierre
ing combination of table gong and bicycle
bell, which made my hair stand on end.
"Now do you hear itf" asked the inven-
tor triumphantly.
Did hear It'll Good heavensi My outlet
had cooled down to zero during the excite
ment, whereas had made myself unpleas-
aptly hot, and when the servant answered
the bell Tupmore had quite forgotten what
ho wanted.
After lunch, as my friend had letters to
write, strolled out into the orchard and
took 40 winks on a rustic seat. When
opened my eyes, beheld full sized COW
staring at me in a distinctly unpleasant
manner. 1 am dreadfully nervous about
cattle, having once been chased by an in
furiated bullock, SO promptly retreated.
The cow followed-she had q most bust
nesslike pair Of horns-and snorted. at
tempted to open the gate; but, to my in
fanaa diemay oatl1d And nathan bapdIa
nor treadle-Tupmore had only shown me
the other side of his abominable patent"
when the lunch bell rang. My prosecutor
came closer and tossed her head. This
demonstration may have been caused by
flies, but put II down to i'll temper, and
forthwith bundled awkwardly over the
fence alighting on my back, and jerking
all tho loose money out of my trousers
pockets. Twas still cropping for stray coins
when Tupmore camo out, and explained
that had dropped something's didn't
like to mention the COW. Then we walked
round the farm. Ny friend deluged me
with inventions, which 1 dutifuily ad-
mired. Some of them were really puerile,
some incomprehensible and / couldn't
help thinking, when we inspected the pig
stiles, that he might well turn his atten-
ton to producing patent" porker that
About 4 O'Clock an unearthly hooting
disturbed the rural calm.
THAT'S my siren" said Tupmore. "I
had 1t fitted to the kitchen boiler to call
mo in when I'm on the farm. expect 10
means afternoon tea or visitor"
Tho siren was not pleasing at distance.
At CLOSE quarters 1t was simply dendish.
II performed about ten times day during
my visit, generally when ! was indoors,
and has made me partially, and, I'm
afraid, permanently, deaf in one car.
The house briatled with unpleasant sur
prlses II moved an innocent looking
chair, out came pair of slippers or a book
from some hidden receptacle in the scat,
and II / pulled seeming bell handle ii
gave way, and down fell q flap disclosing
q ridiculous recess in the wall, of no Garth
ly use to any one but kleptomaniao or a
magpie.
When 1 went TO bed, had inventive
nightmares In the small hours clock
on the landing struck hundred or two
and was only deferred from further efforts
by Tupmore, who afterward came in to
apologize He explained that tho clock
was repeater connected by wire with
his bedroom, SO that he could make 10
strike the hour IL he woke in the dark,
which, as he owned, he never did. "Those
beastly mice must have been fooling about
over the wires, he said. "They do some
times"
asked him II he had ever thought of
inventing really efficient mousetrap. OF
course he hadn't done anything so sensible.
Early In the morning 1 was violently
aroused by the commencement of the fol-
lowing programme:
Ca m.-Siren.
e:3o.-Ditto; also patent" pumping
operations, the pipes being conveyed
through the wall at the head Of my bed
7.-Siren.
7:16.-Machinery In motion Just below
my window-''patent' coffee grinding, or
some nonsense.
7;9o.-Siren.
After that got up. fully expected to
have my shaving water pumped up to tho
dressing table or projected through trap
door in the floor and was both surprised
and relieved when 1t Was delivered in the
usual way. 1t was the looking glass that
put the finishing touch to my distaste for
inventions. 1t was at tho wrong angle for
my puny stature and refused to bulge
when tried to adjust it. So l proceeded
to shave, standing on my portmanteau.
At critical moment must have pressed
on some beastly patent" catch, for the
glass turned complete solnersault and
made me so giddy that eashed my chin.
The cut was trife but in weak moment
consented to try some patent ointment
that my friend had invented. That vile
preparation caused my face to swell in a
painful and utterly undigniaed manner,
and the worst of 1t Is that am still more
or less disfgurcd. look like a low CO.
median made up for farce, and haven't
quito decided whether shall sue Tupmore
for damages or not. Anyhow 1 don't
mean to trust myself to his tender mercies
again until be has entirely forsworn all his