Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-04-11
Let Us All Laugh.

Record.
Mrs. Brownstone-I think Mary's mu
sic professor has 4 beautiful touch.
Mr.. Brownstone-I should say he had
Seven dollars a lesson.-New Yorl
World.
Wiggins-My boy. If you live beyond
your income, you are bound to come tt
grief. Spenditt-My dear fellow, If
had to live within it, l would be miser.
able ever now!-Harper's Bazaar.
, Old man-What! You nave 10000
thalers in debts, and want to marry my
daughter? Would-be son-in-law-Why,
amt your daughter going to have so
much as that?-Fliegende Blaetter.
Northern tourist-Three hours ago
I ordered 'possum for supper. Where
is that waiter, landlord? Landlord
Gone to borrow a dog to catch the
'possum, sir.-Atlanta Consultation.
Customer-You fellows ought to get
rich. You make 800 or 400 per cent. on
what you sell. Druggist-What can
serve you with. Customer-Give me
three two-cent stamps.-New York Her
aid.
Heardso-They say every hearty
laugh adds a day to ones life. Saidso
That depends. l had at least a week
kicked out of me for laughing at a
man who fell in the mud.-Pearson's
Weekly.
First Footballer-"Did Halfback 60
around and wallop that editor who
wrote about The Brutality Of Foot.
ballY" Second Footballer mo"
why not?" "Halfback is in the hos
pital."-Good News.
whats this parrot saying" asked
the visitor in the bird store. ut doesn't
sound like Polly wants a cracker"
mo. It's Polly wants a beam I'm
educating the bird for q Boston lady,"
Washington Star.
Lawyer-What's that book you are
reading? Law student-Oh, it's a work
on common sense Lawyer-Yes. sir.
and one day with such a book as that
would ruin your mind for legal work
forever.-Judge.
81 understand the critics showed your
poems a great deal of consideration"
said the young oma "Why, they
didn't say a word about them," replied
the young "That's what I meant"
Washington Star.
do you believe in woman's rights?"
0S1yn6 fhn A r,nyi M n -c,1r,y saon St(Nor-
tainly," replied Lord Doddleby. "My
fiancee has 100000 in her own right,
and I consider it deuced charming in
her."-Washington Star.
Smithers-Brown, you are a well.
read man, what do you think Ia the
greatest thing about the worldi
Brown-Well, to be accurate, Smithers,
I think it's the circumference.-Adama
Freeman.
Young wife (dreamily)-How lovely
it would be If all things in this world
would work in harmony. Husband
(thoughtfully)-My, yes! For instance,
IL coal would only go up and down
with the thermometer.-New York
Weekly.
Wifc-Cousin Clara needs a new pen.
knife, and I would like to give her one
Of mine; but people say that a gift OF
q knife will cut friendship. Husband
-Haveno fear; no knife that one WON.
an gives another will cut anything
Boston Globe.
First citizen-The spirit Of anarchy
can only be found in large cities. Sec.
ond citizen-Guess that's so. A man
never feels like slaughtering the whole
human race until he lives in a fiat,
with q piano above and a baby below.
New York Weekly.
II wish I could marry a count" said
a girl who had been reading about
Anna Gould's wedding. "You have
plenty of admirers" replied her mar.
ried sister. Eyes, I know" she admit.
ted, with a little sigh, "a countless
number. -Pittsburg Chronicle !. Tele.
graph.
MY" said the shoe clerk boarder,
'but I did get a fine lot Of sarcasm
from my tailor when I had to stand
him of again. Still, I rather think /
deserved it." I'm other Words" CUR.
gled the Cheerful Idiot, ''you deem his
remarks both cutting and fitting
Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Goodhart-Go into the kitchen
and cook will fix you out. Wandering
Willie-Thanks, wild profuse gratitude.
madam, but-but IL you has no objec.
ton. I'd rather partake of refreshnent
in de open air. Like me friend, Chaun.
cey Depew, I'm very fond Of dining
out.-New York Ledger.
Bridegroom about to marry the
youngest of three sisters)-My dear
friend, l want you to stand right be,
hind me during the ceremony, and keer
your eyes open. I am very near-sight
ed,t and / am afraid they might sub
stitute the oldest sister at the critical
moment.-Fliesende Blaetter.
"Ah," said the visitor, patting the
Fauntleroy young n on the head
''here il the man of the future" q
am afraid you are right" said thu
father, with a sigh. II heard him ask
ing his mother II his hat was on