The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1895-06-26
ABOUT PILES.
A Few Gentle Remarks About the
Hireling Editor Of a Corpora
ton Sheet. :


was lifted up the other day. by the
railroad corporations, by the seat of
his unmen tionables, out of the editor
ial chair Of the polluted Pioneer
| Press and set down on the tripod of
the imbecile Globe. Without either
| washing hts dirty face or changing
his hireling garments, he Topped, in
an instant, from Republicanism to
Democracy. and began to defend all
he had ever denounced and to de-
| nounce all he had ever defended
Mentally and physically he is built on
the symmetrical lines of Richard the
Third; he has no more conscience
than rat and no more beauty than a
chimpanzee. Richard says of him
self:
But I that am not shaped for sportive
tricks,
Nor made to court an amorous looking
glass;
that am rudely stamped and want loves
majesty,
To start before wanton, ambling nymph;
1, that am curtained of this fair proper
ton,
Cheated of feature by Tissembling nature,
Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time
Into this breathing world, scarce half made
up,
| And that so lamely and questionable,
That dogs bark at me halt by them:-
| And therefore since I cannot prove lover,
| To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
am determined to prove william.
When we published our book. 1.-THE
Great Cryptogram," in 1888, this
bleeding sore, stirred up to the con-
genial task by 10. Wheelock, prepared
a little pamphlet called "I'he Little
Crypotogram, and hired agents to
peddle it through St. Paul and Mime
apolis, to anticipate the canvassing
agents of our publishers and turn the
whole work, which had occupied us
fifteen years, into ridicule. La
bouchere said in London "Truth,"-
1.-THE book is a monument of laborious
industry such as has hardly ever been
produced before outside of Germany"
The Pail Mall Gazette Of London said,
''The labor represented by the two
great volumes before us, and especial
ly the second, lis stupendous. America.
the land of big things has In Mr..
Donnelly son worthy of her i'm
mensity." Count Wiz thum d Eek
stadt, the famous scholar and diplo-
mat of Paris, said: taking the first
volume alone it is absolutely conclu-
sive. 1t is fair, scientific investiga-
tion, most skillfully conducted and
complete. l do not know which to
admire most, the industry, the ex-
IRENE ingenuity, or the strong power
of reasoning shown in these volumes
It is certain the cipher exists.'' The
great John Bright, after reading our
book, said publicly,-''any man who
believes that William Shakespeare
wrote Lear and Hamlet is fool"
But, while the scholars of the whole
world were thus praising "The Great
CTyptogram," Wheelock and Piles were
preparing the Chinese fire-cracker
of their united intelligences, called
the Little C,yptogrona" to explode un-
der it. Copies were sent by them
even to newspapers of England, to
prejudice the reading world by shall
low abuse and turn our great labors
into jest. While our book was at
tracing the attention Of all civilized
mankind these creatures were stick
| ing their hair pins under our coat
tails. And the most disgraceful part
of this business was that our Richard
the Third actually believed himself
that William Shakespeare never
wrote line of the plays which bear
his name!
But the force of his belief is always
the best reason for his betraying it.
| His conscience is foot-note to a pay
roll.
| The only time Wheelock and the
HmmorrhOid ever praised a book of
ours was when we published Caesars
Column" under the assumed name of
Edmund Boisgilbert NJ. d." and our
publisher, in Chicago, shrewd fellow
gave out that it was written by a
millionaire Of that city; and thereup-
on the twin f1unkies, the editorial
John Thomases, abased themselves on
their bellies before the suppositious
nabob and praised the book to the
skies.
And now when another book of ours
appears, the American Peoples
Money" this mental prostitute of the
Globe, devotes half a column, not to
any answer to the arguments of the
book, but to abuse Of ourself. He al.
leges that we have fallen into 1.-THE
sere and yellow Leaf" into state of
senility and decay. We challenge
this manikin to meet us upon the
platform of'any hall in the Twin-cities
to discuss the money Ques tion, and
prove the truth Of his assertion. Ii
we are the weak, infirm, played-out
old man he pictures US, what p delight
he will feel lin overthrowing us.
Come, Richard, let us settle the Ques-
ton; and IL we do not make paste of
your alleged brains and case Of
bleeding piles of your whole vile an
atomy we will admit the debility and
decadence of old age. Such a debate
would not only elucidate the financial
issues but give you chance, Richard,
to explain the merits of that divorce
suit you had recently. when your wife
| refused to live with you no longer,and
the details which we're kept out of the
charitable newspapers Of the Twin
cities, as too bad to publish. You
have inaupurated campaipn of ey.