The daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1892-1897, 1895-04-13
THE CRACKER AGENT.
Ne Calls Upon araith of Utah DeseFsnlne
80 Push Trade.

AZ AAAAN UtAAAeai AZ " Inks 81 ISStL W TIC
tatigued traveller a persistent knock
ing was beard at the door, and upon
,ts being opened a nervous looking
man with rcd hair and tin box I'M
Der his arm slid into the room and
presented the disgusted guest with
p Business card in four colors.
re patent Kidmore cracker, "
d the guest as he hoped into bed
1ain and pulled up the clothes.
you've made some mistake, my
good man. l don't want any crack.
e-s."
You think you don't but you
49," said the intruder with an in.
ratiating smile. Your name is
NTH, from Utah, isn't it?"
We'll, suppose it is?"
'ExaoSiiy. I'llexplain. Now, sir,
x ne your attention for mo-
at What is the greatest curse
IN to married men? WHAT'S the
ST disagreeable thing in domestic
80"
Wen, lernme see. Bills, ;" said the
est after few moments reGeo.
on.
Not at all, sir; it's crumbs"
'Crumbs?"
Yes, sir, crumbs. Cracker
Emba Did you ever know a mar
aed woman who did not insist on sit
1g up in bed with the baby from
, &c times per night and feeding it
czsclers?"
Low the dev"-
Don't swear" interrupted the
1raa5er agent. Tits no longer neo-
-ssarT, as you will see presently. AS
vas going on to say, every married
roman feeds her baby on crackers in
bed, and the result is that the sheets
aTe always full Of crumbs. The
wives don't seem to mind them
5omeAov-, but the lusbands do. Why,
q hair shirt wouldn't begin 20 pro
-iUce the same amount of torture
c'assd an average man by single
ar;na5, and when there is moro
Why, coo5lestones would seem bed
u rosa5 by comparisons"
" Wen, sir, what
What can offer to mitigate tbs
svil-to do away with this great |
ssllspring of domestic misery, eh? |
Why, III show you. Behold the
greatest invention of the nineteenth /
centuryr'
Stop that! WhsEsthe blazes are
5ou % top reared the guest as his
interviewer turned down the bed.
clothes and began sprinkling kind
Of sawd'lst among the sheets.
Keep still, my dear sir, " said tho
man blandly. I'm Just
showing you orr mammoth boon 70
humanity. This box is filed with
ale 5nst from the new Kidmore
81 c..er. WI you have the goodness
10 roll over once or twice and notice
nat the Kidmore crumb don't
scratch hit2 No restlessness no
discomfort. In fact. the dough is so
mixed with india rubber in the pro
What DO you suppose I care for
our crackers? don 't;eat in bed"
- the infatuated traveller began
earring to find that his pistol was,
ocksd up in his trunk.
10, but your wives do, put in
he agent.
Ny WHAT"
Why, your wives. If man with
r'E- oac vie needs these invaluable
is-ss fol family consumption, how
1ue1 moro are the Indispensable to
man VIII 20 wives?"
''.IFSen y V. lis;ltt?" gaspal the guest
Tho was now convinced that he had
bad case of wheels to deal with and
7as wondering whether he could
drn on the fire affirm without al.
acting the crank's attention.
Why 20 wives You're the Nor
non Apostle Smith, amt you?"
No, I'm not, replied the other.
cuch disguised, and I'm not mar.
led either"
Why, you re from Utah, and your
anie It's spelled the same Smith.
singular, very singular, lused the
racker vendor. Sure you amt the
aan?"
Yes. I'm surei ana il you don't
kate out Of here blamed if don't
Inn you ont Of tlaat 1i1,5ow."
Good gracious, and ve're on the
tIth story too! Guess I'd rather
axe the elevator. However, to SHOW
you there's no hard feelings. I'll
cave you few of our business cards.
re you're not shat Smith, oh?
p coincidence; very
AID s1aIi1y his head over the re-
.narkabie similarity of the names
'ne agent wedged an Illuminated
eAro-no advertisement of the Kid.
Ore Velvet Cramb Cracker into the
~ fF,n