The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-10-04
TRUTH IN MODERATION.

"What was that?
Educating my husbands appetite
ECONOMY
Neighbor-Mr. Gayboy Is going to the
Atlanta Exposition, is he? Won't it cost
him great deal of money?
Mrs. Gayboy-Not very much. l am
going with him.
ROUGH on TIE CHILDREN.
Mrs. Buldozer- Whenever | have a
fuss with my husband | send the children
out on the street to play.
Nisitor-rve no doubt you mean WELL
but it is II bad idea to have the children
out on the streets all day long.
PLEASED WITH IT.
Iobb-Strange, isn't it, how old people
love to live over the recollcctions of the
past?
Nobb-l knowit it. repeated that story
you told me last night to my grandfather,
and | thought he'd split.
WILLING AND EAGER.
Hc-Will you marry me?
Certainy.
He-Thanks. was afraid you were
going to say it was too sudden.
She--lt couldn't be.
DlDN'T KNOW TIE LANGUAGE.
Poet Go farmcr)-Sce what beautiful
prospect is unfolded in yonder blowy
fields and, bark the voice of the
ploughman!
Farmer-Ycs; he's been cussin' of
that mule sence daylight, and it's one o
them German mules that used to pull Il
beer wagon, and lie can't understand a
word o. it
A WORSE SITUATION.
She-'Oh, dear! married only year,
yet you haven't kissed me in eek"
He--'l beg your pardon my love; but
think-suppose we had been married only
week and hadn't kissed you in a year :"
TRIcKED THE BABY
Mr.. Noopop-My baby cries all night
| don't know what to do with it,
Mr.. Knuwitt-l'll tell YOU what did.
As soon as our baby commenced to cry |
used to turn on all the gas. That fooled
him. He thought it was broad daylight,
and went to sleep.
FATAL WORDS.
Mr.. Bride-I never felt better in my
life.
Mrs. Bride-Oh, don't say that, Charlie.
Mr.. Bridie-Why not?
Mrs Brdie-lts so unlucky. In every
case of sudden death you will read that
"the deceased had just remarked that he
falt haitian in, Iii, Ia,
drops dead!
QUESTION OF DEEP INTEREST.
Small Boy-Did you see II little boy
about my own SIZE round the corner:
Old Genteman-Ies, believe | did.
did he look angry"
Il didn't notice"
"Did he look frightened"
II don't know. Why?"
"Why. heard he was round there,
and | don't know whether he wants to
lick me or whether he's hiding from me-
Wish | did"
MORruARY STATISTICS OUT WEST.
Tenderfoot-Yo have salubrious
climate here, | believe?
Woollywest for some folks.
Tenderfoot-What are the most frequent
causes of death according to statistics?
WoOllywest-W'a siX-shoOters, reck-
on. Little knitin' and some Winchesters,
but they amt nothn' after all that gifts
around the siX-shooter in u pinch.
TAKE THE BEST.
Now" said the physician, who is
noted for his heavy charges, II must
take your temperature"
''All right" responded the patient, in a
tone of utter resignation, "you've got
about everything else own. There's no
reason why you shouldn't take that, too"
IN THE MOONLIGHT.
Miss Bloomers-I wonder when Charlie
Newboy will ever learn to ride properly?
Miss Knckerbocker-Wh What's the matter
now?
Miss Bloomers-Wh he works so hard
pedaling that he doesn't have breath
enough left to propose
LIGHTLY SPOKEN.
He struck match on his heel to use in
lighting her lamp, when she remarked
"1ou are as spry as cat, aren't you ?"
"Do you think so 2" he returned, in Il
pleasant tone.
"Yes; you light on your feet, you
know"
WHERE IGNORANCE Is BLISS.
"And you say that the young fellow
showed no sign of fear while dismay sat
upon the faces of even the bravest and
most experienced men in the company ?"
YES; it was case of where ignorance
is bliss. He heard the awful warwhoop of
the redskins, but instead of instillng him
with fear, he seemed quite pleased with it.
We found out afterwards that he thought
tt was new coaching parade yell"
BOTH TIRED.
"Oh, john" said the new woman to
her husband, "you just ought to see my
new bicycle. It's beautifully tired"
ut isn't half as tired as aw." groaned