The San Francisco call., 1895-11-17

tnaI lgHtS ltlS not my ldult)' Oue type
IS always admired by women, and that is
the big bodied big-hearted, lovable man.
big man is boon, blessing and every
thing else nice that you can think OF
beginning with B. Undoubtedly Ewes
affection for Adam was due to his size.
The Orientalists say that he was so tall
that when he stood in Paradise his head
was in heaven and that the angels admired
him SO much that it was thought wiser for
him to have fall. Hence that little affair
in which Eve, the serpent and Adam, with
the fruit served according to taste, came
about.
l never knew little man who had any
great love for anybody but himself.
A big man can lit woman if she has
nervous headache from one bed to another,
and from one chair to another, not only as
if she was feather but with certain
security that makes her feel very grateful.
Did you ever see big man hold baby?
He does it carelessly and looks as if he
was going to drop it, but the expression in
the babys face satisfies its mother that 1T
feels secure, and so everything is right. |
confess to liking big priest. He always
looks more capable of battling with the
world, the flesh and the devil. There
NAV be nice little men, but they are not
on nv list. And the only handsome little
man I ever knew, and he really did LOOK
like cherub, used to pose for every body's
me, ''Really [ must go out more. The
girls-ah don't you know-want to look
at me-" There's little man for you. He
can't even look like a tat, dlmple rosy
checked baby without concluding the rest
of the world is interested IN his appear
ance. Then a little man is apt to be fussy
about little things. He wants to know
when he comes home at night about every
thing that has happened during the day,
and he don't want you to generallze and
say, "Well, | went out and bought a new
gown" but he wants you to tell him how
many yards and what it cost, and in
meditative way he wonders if you couldn't
have done with less. That is the sort of
man that brings about divorces. That is a
cause for observation-disclosures in ones
belongings. Sometimes this type OF man
can sew. I once heard of one who made a
set of dollies. But when men come to
sewing then it will be time for women to
assume masculine habiiments. The
aforesaid habiliments. that's nice sound
ing word for them, are being advocated by
the sanitary women.
The sanitary woman is abroad and
over the face of the earth. No place is
| sacred to her, and no human being is free
| from her. She tests the air we breathe, the
| clothes we wear, the dinners we eat, the
| friends we have, and she objects to all.
She says the air is full OF germs; she says
our ClOIHeS are lOI proper q ucaltu
| standpoint; she says our dinners don't
| furnish us with the right kind of globules,
| and she says our friends are lot magnet
| ically adapted to us. / hate the sanitary
woman. Give me six safetypins and |
can pin up my frock so that on the ralnlest
day the skirts will not get wet, and there
| will be no need for the assum ption of the
habilments. 1t is Just possible that am
ultra conservative; but | am quite willing
to live as my grandmothers did-without
sanitary blessings. | like the days of good
food, good times, good clothes and good
friends; those days when if you had pain
you got either calomel or castor oil; if You
had mysterious Jumps In you you died, but
you were not cut to death. And by the by,
it is funny thing, but until the doctors
knew how to do this slicing there seemed
to be nothing to slice.
If you happen to be In the house with q
sanitary woman you feel that you would
like to use some of the language so highly
appreciated by the late Mrs. Carlyle. On
the arrival of the sanitary woman in your
home, she carefully inspects the plumbing
and tells you that it is all wrong. Then
she gives her opinion of the food you offer
her, unless you have been wise enough to
lay in a stock of stewed prunes, health
bread and that dreadful slop they call
| ''shells," and which tastes like mixture
of dish water and ashes boiled together.
you that you are not dressed right and
that she is. Nine times out of ten her
sanitary underwear is enough to frighten q
fireman, but she boldly displays it. and
calls you a frivolous female because you
lean to ruffies and laces.
Why does this type of woman always
say ''male" and "female" instead of man
and woman? She makes me feel as if |
were some sort of a four-legg d animal,
and very ordinary kind of one at
that She is possessed of an impudence
that exceeds any have ever encountered,
and she has no more hesitancy In asking
the most personal questions than an ordi-
nary woman would in saying "good
morning" She seems to gloat over dis
eases, physical ones; and, somehow, the
sanitary woman, in time, drifts little
wrong mentally. 1t seems as if constant
hunting for microbes in the pipes makes
her yearn for human microbes, ana de-
velops in her queer and unconventional
ideas, especially about men. Just think
over the sanitary women you have met
and see if am not right. An ideal episode
is the meeting of the sanitary woman
and the Chinaman. She looks excited he
! looks placid. She tries to explain the ad-
vantage of healthful living, and he smiles
| and smiles and listens and still smokes
| opium and has friends who are probably
| lepers.
lneTe is one lHllS nave always llkeu
| about the Chinaman. When he is glad to
see you be shakes hands with himself.
Not metaphorically, but really. Some
peoples hands are so unpleasant. There
| is the cold, cIammy hand, that gives you
a chill and makes you feel that you have
an enemy instead of friend. There is
the round, over-fat hand, that suggests
rubber ball and convinces you that
among, your friends is a fool; and then
there is the long, thin, bony hand, that
sets you to wondering as to whether it is
attached to a villain or skeleton. The
Chinese way is the best. But SO many
of their ways are funny. Their men
wear shirts and their women wear trous-
ers. The dressmakers are men, the
women are messenger-boys. Books are
| read backward and foot notes are at the
top of the page. The language they speak
| isn't written, and the language they write
isn't spoken. When they put on mourn
ing they wear white. and bridesmaids, who
are not maids, but old married women,
wear black. Their last name comes first,
and when you dine with Chinese gentle
| ~, =, 1-o,, oopdu fret opd Il oh an5 sOun