Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-04-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

No man ever travelled to fame on n
pass,
When man is his own enemy he
can't help winning the fight. Puck.
"There goes an old flame of mine!"
as the sun said when the comet came
into perihelion. Puck.
Dentist "What are the last teeth
that Gomez" Brilliant Student
"False teeth, I guess. Life.
Example is stronger than precept;
but precept is expected to do q great
deal of examples work-Puck.
His love, he said, was like the sea.
The maiden answered quick
She thought that he was right in that
Because it made her sick.
Life.
OF course we don't know what it is
to pass night in the tomb, but we
have slept in spare bedroom. -Atchi-
son Globe.
$50 Mr.. Onedge is averse to music?"
ST should say so. He won't even use
rubber bands in his Office. ~. New
York Mercury.
81 see you have glass eye, Pat"
"Yes, yer 'anner; but it's swindlc,
sir. can't see nuthin' out OF it" -
New York Mercury.
We often hear men complaining of
their hopes being dissipated, and as
rule that's just what ails the complain
ant. - Richmond Dispatch.
"When will man be able to fy?" in
guires an exchange. Just as soon rs
be has been trusted bank cashier
for eight or ten years. s.-Troy Press.
This world would be happy world
And men would all be brothers,
If people did themselves one-half
That they expect of others.
Boston Courier.
Mr.. Smith is an estimable and ami
able but harmless gentleman who
during his lifetime has starved his
brains to feed his whiskers. Syracuse
Courier.
Mrs. Bacon-"It is terrible down at
your boarding house. You can never
get any hot water" Mr.. Bacon
"Only we have soup, my dear. y
Statesman.
A clergyman named Fiddle refused
to accept the title of d. D., because,
as he said, he didn't want to be called
the Rev. Ichabo Fiddle, d. D."--New
York Mercury.
GLOW could you conscientiously tell
Miss Elder that she is the only woman
you ever loved?" SIT is fact. Com
pared to her, the others were mere
girls. boston Budget.
Bagley-"That pawnbro er bowed
to your wife; does he know her?"
Brace--'1 presume he feels that he
does; he has seen her picture SO often
inside the case of my watch. "
Blinks neutrality-suspicious. o
greedy world this is; the great ma
jority of people, always after money" ;"
Hardup (sadly)---"Yes; and long way
after it, too. Buffalo Courier.
"Your new servant girl is very
pious, l hear2" "Yes. If she was as
careful about the crockery as she is
about the ten commandments she
would be jewel. New York Press.
$50 Rusher has got job at last,
eh? wonder is it that one with the
sleeping car company?" 81 guess
not. At least he told me he'd struck q
comfortable berth. buffalo Courier.
"Dalton' sight has become
strangely affected, poor fellow. He
sees everything double" Secondus--
"By Jove! I'm glad you mentioned
it. owe him pound, and I'll tender
him this half SOY. "--Tit-Bits.
"Dear me-" said Mr.. Meekins, sit
seems so absurd for men to be con-
stantly talking about their wives
having the last word. never object
to my wife having the last word. :"
"You don't" "Not bit. l always
feel thankful when she gets to it,"
An Irishman recently applied for an
enlistment in q United States army re-
cruiting Office. "Do you know any
thing about drillingP" asked tho oili-
Ger. "Oi do" answered Pat. "lt's
twelve an half cints yard at amy
nv tn drygoods shtores. London
Globe.
Kate-"I want to tell Aunt Susan
about my engagement, but l don't
know whether 1 can trust her or not
1 don't want it to get out just yet. "
Edith "Trust her? OF course you
can't. You know she makes no secret
of her age, and woman who will tell