Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1895-03-23

relating the story and turning the laugh
/ on himself
Cunan's friend was equally tickled by
/ the orators fgtUu aprOpos OF the Jury
system. The friend was Dragging Of his
attachment 10 DO. and said; with trial
by jury have lived, and, by the bless.
ing Of God with trial by jury will
die"
"Oh." said Cuuan, In amazcment.
Then you've made up your mind to be
hanged, D'ch"
The yokel who was offering gratui,ous
Information no country fair was not SO
pleased. lie was disparagng the show
OF cattle. "puzs cattlcW he said,
scorniully. "ClI these ere prize cattle.
Why they aiu't nothing to what our
folks raised Won Wayn't think IT, but
my father raised the biggest calf OF any
man around our paris
Il can well believe It, " observed a by.
snnder surveying him from head to
loot.
The Judge who pointed his cane at
prisoner and cNcIaimed There IS
great rogue at tue end Of my cane, was
not pleased when the man looked hard
al him and asked, coOliy 'Atwhich cad,
my llrd''
Legal re,oris arc very numerous and
often very good Sometimes they take
the form OF a spar between opposing
counsel and sometimes that OF a face.
uous remark addressed to the Judge. as
10 the case, "Wuodcock vs., Bird, D." when
the chief Justice, happening to remark
that birds should live together in har.
mony, the counsel tor Mr. Bird replied.
'lcs, my lord. ;Hey should; but my client
complains OF the length oil the plaintiffs
bill"
Most frequently howevcrthe rcpar,ee
takes the form Of a pointed remark by
witness TO a bullying lawyer. How
do YOU like your bacon and bcans'" NJ
Cookie once asked a witness "H0ilcd,
but without cookie sauce" was the
satisfactory reply.
In fact Il &, rather the fashion among
a certain class OF witnesses TO dccry the
lcgalprolessiou on all possible occasions,
OF course, such persons bctray q very
poor appreciation Of the immense benc.
his the profession con'eB upon and re-
cciyes from society but some men arc
never satisfied unless they are disparag.
ing something OF alleged utility. These
are the men vino would second the
prayer uttered 10y the deaf dean ol
Ely, when, following a speaker who had
commented upon an extraordinary
epidemic OF mortality among barrbtcrs,
whom he had impcrlectly heard,
he said: "tor this aud every other
mercy, may the Lord make Us devoutly
thanklul."
When we hear a happy rciort the
enjoyment, perhaps, arises from the
sense OF sponianeousness and admira.
ton at the readiness OF the speaker.
who may have been taken at disad.
vantage, Most pIquant. however. Is the
situation when one who has been tossed
and gofcd' suddenly springs To- his feet
and cxluca,es himself brilliantly. IN
such a case there is no heavy firing from
the fort, but the tort has been retakun.
OF this class was the retort Of D'OBav
20 the aceuous Tom Raikcs, discur aud
dandy, but whose face no amount Of
dandyIsm could beauty, IL being deeply
J pited, the nose especially, with small
puN.
The latter had sent the gay Alfred a
copy OF offensive verses anonymously,
being shown about caused great laugh.
/ ter at the beau's expense. To maintain
/ rs assumed character the letter had been
sealed with "a wafer aud thlmblc. ID Or.
/ say knew who was the writer. The next
| time he saw KliEes at the club he called
OUT The next time, mon cher you