The Portland daily press., 1895-05-18

}t Ilttle private. Ah, don't you
think 1t would be advisable very de-
sirable in fact. to change your mode of
life somewhat?"
"Waal, l dunno, replied Joe with
great deliberation. "Think of movin
nearer the clamp
"Ah, I don't refer to material mat
tiers so much as to-ah-spiritual ones, %
said the professor. ''All the promises,
you know, are conditioned on walking
in right paths and maintaining proper
frame of mind.
Look here, perfessor." said Joe, sis
it religion yer a-drivin at?''
Exactly" exclaimed the professor,
raising his glasses and looking Joe full
in the face.
sThen it's no CO." said Joe conf
dentially. 'tThe deacon's been a.tryin
it on. -
.tIndeedP" exclaimed the professor,
hastily putting on very reserved air.
'.Yes," said Joe. 'Put in reg lar 20
keg blast, but it only fizzled. Reckon the
rocks purity tough, professor, an not
lAUSa 1ldlCdUlOuS AOlOW AAo OO0
laughed and started to find the major
and beg cigar.
The major gave Joe an excellent
cigar, promised larger monthly divi-
dend than the claim had ever declared
before and told Joe first rate story.
Then when he had got Joe into an ex-
cellent humor he commenced moving
skillfully on Joe's outworks.
'Got much money laid up, Joe?" in
quired the major, with bland hypocrisy.
Nary" replied Joe, with emphasis,
and then loud laugh at the utter ab-
surdity of such an idea
Thine you commenced, old fellow, /"
said the major. "You can be we'll off
in few months if the claim keeps do
ing as we'll as it does now"
mo good Of me savin money! re-
piled Joe, with an oath as generous as
it was unnecessary. "Somebody'd steal
it."
Nonsense" exclaimed the major.
"You'll want wife and house to
live in one of these days, and then you II
find money very handy. no matter how
much you have.'
House an wife!' calculated joe
Thunder an pickaxes, major-no
woman 'ud hev sech galoot ez me. !"
''Plenty of them would quick
enough, +" replied the major. "You're
young and good looking and good ma
tured and have plenty of good sense.
All you need to do is to stop drinking,
gambling, fighting, swearing"-
Major interrupted Joe, blowing
smoke from both corners Of his mouth
until his face was effectually clouded,
''that's the identical game that two
other chaps hes ben a-playin on me this
mornin. -
'sNot the deacon and the professor?''
queried the major quickly and hiding
his lips entirely away under his mus
tache.
JUS So, replied Joe. Zone of 'em
piled on the birthstone, An t'other tried
sugar. But 'tain't no go, major. Fact
is, I've thought heap about it, an I've
made up my mind thet what ther's so
much fightin about is too much, by a
long shot, fur me to git through my
head. Take somethin. Oh, yer don't
drink on duty, do yer? Well, do, yer
know" saying which Joe sauntered off
to Slipson's saloon and waited patient
ly about until he could fall in with
some one whose conversation should
run in different strain from that he
had heard during the morning.
At the dinner table that day the part
ners did not exhibit their usual cordial
ity. Joe, to be sure, ate with good ap-
petite and told good thing or two he
had heard at the saloon, but his three
partners regarded each other somewhat
after the manner of three we'll bred
dogs having designs on the same bone
The deacon and the professor felt ag-
grieyed, and the major seemed consid-
erably annoyed, but all were too good
hammered to show any rudeness. Joe
finished his meal and departed in search
of more cheerful company. As he de-
parted the deacon uttered a long sigh
and exclaimed:
"Oh, the depravity of the human
hearth"
"Ah, I Think said the professor,
emptying his coffee cup ''that it is per-
haps we'll to remember that the human
mind is more amenable to persuasion
than to force. Our friend is better tenn
pered than most men, but he despises the
sentiment of fear and is likely to he in
dignant when any one attempts to
awaken it in him.
THE law wa. made for sinners, - re-
piled the deacon, with savage kick at
the cooks dog. That's what the apos-
tie says, and its terrors ought to be
talked to 'em till they're awakened to a
sense of their danger and fee from the
| wrath to come. -
Suppose we approach the matter in
a common sense manner" suggested
the major. elf we are all three going
TO attack Joe at once, ordinary prudence
dictates that we act unitedly. Remem-
ber those two Mexicans we had, who
| fought about mule that some scamp
stole while they squabbled?'
The deacon was as reasonable as men
1 y. IL