The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-11-17

q
not proper from health standpoint; she
says our dinners don F. lrnlsh us with
the right kind of glObule 3, and she says
our friends are not magu 5tIcaliy adapted
20 u.s. ] hate the sanitar 3 woman. give
me six safety pins and can pin up my
frOck so that ON the raiuiest day the
skirts viii not get wet. and there viii be
no need for The asspmpti on of the habili-
meuts. IL is just possible that am ultra
S2Hseltalltr' nut I am quite willing TO
Afe as nay srenum0tlers dld-WithOut
sanitary blessings. 1 like the days OF
good food good times. good clothes and
good Irienus. Those days when If you
had a pfin you got either calomel or
castor on; if You had mysterious Jumps in
you you died, but you were not cut 10
but until the doctors knew now 10 20
ms sheing Their seemed TO DE nothing
II you happen TO be fin the house with
sanitary woman YOU feel that you would
IKE 20 use some OF the language so high
~ appreciated by the late Mrs. Carlyle.
On the arrival of the sanitary woman
IN your nome, she inspects the plumbing
ana tells you that IL is all wrong. Then
sae gives her opinion of the food you
oHer her Hnies5 you have been wise
enough 10 lay in a stock of steWed
prunes. health bread and that dreadful
slOp they call shells" and which tastes
like "A mixture of dish water and ashes
boiled together. Soon after her arrival
she tries 10 convince you that you are
not dressed right and that she is. Nine
pmes out OF ten her sanitary underwear
IS enough to frlghten a fireman but she
boldly displays it. and calls you a friv-
oious female because you lean to ruffies
and laces.
Why does this type of woman always
say male and female" instead OF man
ana woman She makes me feel as if I
We're some sort OF fOur-legged animal
and very ordinary kind of a one at
that. She Is possessed of an impudence
tndt exceeds any have ever encounter
ed, and she has no more hesitancy in
asking the most personal questions than
an ordinary woman would in saying
n OIL
over diseases, physical ones. and, some
how, the sanitary woman, in time drifts
little wrong mentally. 1t seems as il
constant hunting Tor microbes in the pipes
makes her yearn for human microbes, and
develops in her queer and unconventional
IDEAS especially about men. Just think
over the sanitary women you have met
and see il 1 am not right. An ideal cpl
sode IS the meeting Of the sanitary WO-
man and the Chinaman. She looks ex-
cited, he looks placid. She tries to eX-
plain the advantage Of healthful living
ana he smiles and smiles, and listens and
still smokes opium ana has friends who
are probably lepers
There is one thing I have always liked
about the Chinaman. When he is glad
to see you, he shakes hands with himself
Not metaphOrcally. but really. Some
peoples hands are so unpleasant. There
is the cold. clammy hand that gives YOU
chill and makes you fell that you have
an enemy instead Of a friend. There is
the round, oVer-fat hand. that suggests
a rubber bali and convinces you shat
there is the long, thin, bony hand, that
sets you to wondering to whether 1t is
attached to villain or a skeleton. The
Chinese way is the best. But so many
of their ways are funny. Their men
wear shirts and their women wear trou-
sers. The dressmakers are men, the wo-
men are messenger boys Books are read
backward and foot notes are at he
top OF the page The language they
speak isn't written, and the language
they write isn't spoken. When they put
on mourning they wear white, and brides
maids, who are not maids, but old mar
ried women, wear black. Their last
name comes first, and when you dine with
Chinese gentleman you eat candy first
and fish and soup last. Altogether, their
modes are a little peculiar, still they are
fascinating.
To return to the sanitary woman. She
is seldom popular with men, who as a
general thing like frivolous women. un-
less they are cranks. and then, OF course
they are not men. Eve "friVuled," there
can be no doubt that Lilith did and l
feel sure that all the women who have
made history, by making trouble were
also frivolous. But they were charming.
There is nothing charming in having the
air dissected and the water analysed dur
ing ones dinner. One doesn't want the
advantages of graham bread and the in
toXicating qualities of oat meal the theme
for breakfast, nor is il quite pleasant to
listen to a discourse on the value of wool
next the skin and the advantage of going
without cOrsets during luncheon Imagine
if you can, such creature in love! Ina
gine the absolute discussion of what one
ate, crank and wore as part of the love
affair." 1t is past Imagination. All wo-
men at some time in their lives can be
imagined in a love AFFAIR, consequently
it Is fair to conclude that the sanitary
person is not a woman, but the result Of
a higher civiliZa ton. From all such let
us pray to be delivered. You viii join in
the prayer, so will your neghbor, and
"Amenr' viii be said to it with the ut
most ferVor by Bah