The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-16
ON TOP NOW.
How the Gilt Edge Girls Were Favored
by Circumstances.

by Circumstances
Appendicitis Is a very modern, very ex
pohslVe and tremendously fashionable all
nient, and its social possibilities are Him
liable.
An ordinary citizen suddenly feels
pain In his side, and he is told bv hi
friends he has dropped a stitch, or ba,
rheumatism or pleurisy, and he forthwith
goes to bed in a dreadfully bad temper anf
sends for a doctor. The doctor comes If
a hurry, feels his pulse, squints at hi:
tongue, orders pills, mustard plasters ant
a of vile tasting and expensive
nostrums, tells him to keep his fest dry,
cHtsolf his cigars, whisky II other pleas.
ures, collects $40 and hustles off to see a
colicky baby.
II the patient be a man of means, with
a fashionable wife and ambitious daugh.
tefs, the wise physician approaches his
prey carefully and silently sits down SOL
emmy by the bedside, feels the victims
pulse, looks at his gold watch, purses his
lips and says, "Mm!'' He rises with a
deep sigh, looks at the startled wretch's
tongue, shakes his lead sadly and SLOWLY.
stalks out of the bedchamber with his
hands mir his back and his eyes on thu
carpet, followed by the alarmed family
The anxious wife looks at him appealing.
~ demands to know the worst.
Madam" says the doctor firmly. lyon
must get a trained nurse at once.n
Certainly, DOCTOR - answers the fright.
ened woman, but tell me, doctor-I am
MS Wlfe-he is their f~ather-what is it?"
Madam" the doctor responds traR-
lcally-aye, Boothly-''Mr. Giltedge has a
severe case of appendicitis"
What? You don't tell me it ISL
Appendicitis, madam. But we will
pull him through. 1 will call in DR., Car
yer at once. Meantime secure Miss Ban.
dage, the nurse who lives at that address,
handing her a card. 'She has a great deal
OF experience in such cases. She is simply
invaluable. l will call again this evening
with DIR. Carver. Good morning." And
or he goes on his career of rapine.
The fashionable wife sits down in q
bl1ssful state Of grief, and calling her
daughters around her with
mingled pride and sorrow: Girls, DR..
Pllilng says your poor, dear pa has appen-
dlcltls. 1t Is a genuine case. There is to
be an operation, but we must bear our
trial b~ravely."
The girls try to look sad and serious,
but tn unholy joy Of social triumph is
written IN their faces. Appendicitis is the
trade mark Qf the phrase is permissible)
OF the genuinely aristocrat, an ailment
generated only in blue blood. Nobody on
the street ever had it. Old Cotton-of the
Mayflower Cottons-claime ia have had
1t, but DR.. Pilling had limited that it was
merely s~ciatioa. The young ladies order
ed out the carriage at once to carry the !
painful intelligence to all their fashion
able foes, and Mrs. Giltedge gave orders
that she was at home to no one, INSTRUCT
ing her servants to allow nobody to know
that Mr.. Glltedge was dangerously ill with
appendicitis. Giltedge himself lies abed
up stairs as amiable as a Wall street bear
IN a rising market using language.
In the evening a servant man and car
rage go for Miss Bandage, and Quillby,
who does the social swim' business for
me Gazette, receives an note
announcing that Giltedge has appendicitis.
when DIR. Carver arrives with DR.. Pill
all the street is agog, and the fashion
able surgeon confirms the diagnosis of his
and tells Giltedge blandly
that at 10 O'Clock next morning he will
operate on him. After instructions to
Miss Bandage, who is impressive in cap
ana apron, the worthy leeches depart.
being merely a man who hates
society" does not enjoy the distinction
be Is comforting on his family. He stig-
natlzes Carver as a butcher and Pilling
a quack and behaves in a ~shockingly
common and vulgar way about the whole
In the morning Giltedge is duly ether.
.zed' chlorotormed or laughing gased.
carver, dressed in white like a sacrificial
fondles his ribs lovingly. knife in
land. Pilling looks on, wisely laden with
An assistant holds 4, ,n;;@,..
oirdcage over the victims nose and mouth
o dam profanity, while Miss Bandage
loats around like a white vision, doing
utility business. The drama be-
GINS. Carver, with a knife, opens I'D Gilt
'dge, using a lot of long words for the
mall things he cuts off, and finally hoists
Wfetched little bag out of Giltedge's
'natomy, which he calls the vermiform
lppend1x. Some vermiforms and so forth
AVE nothing in them. Others nave peas,
~hestnuts, baseballs, uck shot, coffee ker-
lels, cherry stones and other trifles in
hem. One man developed a pearl in his
he had a passion for clams-and Mrs.
hopes that her husband will cut
lp a diamond or at least a moonstone. :
he surgeon opens the bag with the air of
man opening a jack pot. Giltedge has
ONE out of his opium joint and is being
Mastered up.
Whats in the blamed thing, Carverp" |
@ asks in a feeble voice. "A poker chip
T a brass button?' 7
1t looks like the top of a collar button {
r a grape seed" the surgeon says blandly. :
Call it a collar button, Carver" Gilt. {
dge exclaims eagerly. 1.-THE old lady is
licking everlastingly about my eating
rapes whole, and if it's a grape seed I'll G
ever hear the end Of it. Make it a collar
utton and put it in your bill" II,
And it was duly pronounced to be a
nall pearl, eaten with oysters, and great
'as the glory thereof. "
The Giltedge girls hold their heads in the !
If as they pass the Billions, for appen e
lcltls has fixed forever the status of the l
'mily, and yet it only costs a mere 81, OOL
nd a little abattoir practice on a Wall e
rect bear.-Life. -.
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