Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-10-10

Oiee uotl, ''Qo present mettIn OF us cluD
will BIZ held in de old-fashioned way, an
SIGH members as am alive at de close will
repair to de aunty room an be RECALLED on
seberal large and voluptus late water
millyons which hev jist arrive from de
Stait Of Gawgy. In answer to sartin
letters Of inquiry received doorin' de week
should like to say:
Dds club am pledged to no pertickler
sort of religion.
1--WE has no polyticks as club, but as
individuals we cast Duh votes In favor OF
honest and respectable men. II am SO
seldom dat we find honest, respectable
men runnin' for Office, howeber, dat
moas' OF us stay home on 'leckshun day to
clean out de cistern or repair de pig pen.
sour aim am to elevate de Guild race.
II de race amt TO- pegs higher in matters
OF science, philosophy, economy an art
dan 1t was five Vars ago 1t amt our fault.
1--WE has no partnership wild congress
hunal or legislative bodies, an we enter
into no alliance wild odder clubs or soci-
cites.
1--WE believe in hereafter, charge
seventy-five cents fur whitewashin' an or
binary ceilin', an any pusson desirin'
stoves BACKED in de moas' conducive
manner should give de job to member
Of de Lime-Kiln Club. Let us now pur-
ceed."
Sir Isaac Walpole brought out brand
new bean box and pint of fresh beans,
and in ten minutes the following candi-
dates were neatly and legally elected;
Paradox Jones. Col. Carr, Shakespeare
Smith, Rev. Job Pulser, Lord William
OFlynn, Hon. Asteroid Greene and En-
deavor Williams
The secretary announced an official CON-
munication from the secretary of the
Akron Dead Beat Society, Of Akron, O..
asking to be admitted in body to the
Lime Kiln Club. Their creed was: Trust
to- day, pay tomorrow. Their party
platforms 1.-TWO dollars day and no
work." Their object in life: ITO beat
the human race"
Brother Gardner read the communica-
ton over slowly and then dropped it out
of the window into the alley.
A communication from Halifax con-
tanned this inquiry: ain case member
of the club joins the Good Templars and
finds he can't let whisky alone, what
would be good advice to hin?"
.'My advice would be fur him to go off
an drown hisself." replied the president.
"When har tell of man who can't let
whisky alone l sot him down as an idiot
who had better take hisself out of de
world. A man who can't spit on his
hands an lick his appetite in STAN up
fight should hev bin bon a cow"
Giveadam Jones offered resolution
that the fine imposed on Elder Toots for
disturbing meetinga few weeks ago be
RENTED. The disturbance was created
by falling down stairs and breaking door,
and Elder Toots never fell down stairs
when he could avoid it. He might have
made less noise, but he paid for the door
and was anxious to be reinstated.
The resolution was adopted by unani-
nous vote and the president declared the
fine RENTED.
Some time since Samuel Shin let an old
tinpan full of ashes fall upon Whyfore
Davis as the latter was entering the hall
by way of Legislative Alley. There has
been GOODNESS between them ever since,
aud Brother Davis has several times as
serted that he would pulverize Brother
Shin to lifeless mass in case he could
catch him out on a rabbit hunt At the
present meeting, and few minutes be-
fore the triangle sounded, Brother Davis
received word that his mother, residing in
West Virginia, was dead. This softened
his feelings and prepared his heart for
reconciliation, and he walked up to
Brother Shin and extended his hand and
bridged the awful chasm. He afterwards
ascertained that his mother had been dead
eleven years, but he had made up the
GOODNESS and he did not back out, as less
honorable man would have DONE
The secretary then announced an official
communication from the secretary of the
Anti-Buttermilk Society, of Dupont Banks,
Del, asking to be admitted to the Lime
Kiln Club as a body, with authority to
work on the third degree. The letter of
application announced the fact that the
society was of the opinion that butter
milk was the bane of the present age. H.
vestigation had revealed the fact that the
greatest consumers of the fluid were those
most obstinately arrayed against the So
ciety and the law. Out of twenty-five
murderers questioned by the society, nine
teen admitted their fondness for butter
milk. Train robbers, burglars, cowboys
and all the prominent embezzlers were
buttermilk drinkers, and the society had
started on crusade which would not end
until the churn was forbidden by law.
The secretary was instructed to reply
that the Lime Kiln Club did not care for
such an alliance, having used buttermillx
for the last seven years with the most
gratifying results.
The librarian reported that he had
lately received several historical works,
two volumes of poetry, three pamphlets
on free trade and hymn-book The
library was now open six evenings per
week, from to 10 o'clock, and the
average attendance for the past month
was sixty-eight.
The janitor reported that he had paid
out twenty-scven cents for tin to nail over
rat-hOles.
The committee on judiciary reported a
petition from Syracuse asking the club to
use its influence to secure national legsla-
ton to make it a penal offense for any
person to deliver Fourth of July grafton
within two miles of any crowd of people.
The Keeper of the Sacred Relics re-
ported the mysterious disappearance of
the hat worn by De Soto when he dis
covered the Mississippi river, and for
three or four minutes CONSERVATION was
depicted on every countenance. It was
then learned that Pickles Smith had taken
the hat to carry home some carrots from
the market. He was given such a raking
down as few men ever live through, and
was then allowed thirteen minutes in