davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02

Papa" said the boy, looking up from
his story book, ''what is chestnut"
"a chestnut" repeated the father,
trying to think of some illustration
that would impress the definition ON
the boys mind. why, chestnut IS q
"a joke in the funny department of q
magazine. Now, run away and don't
bother me any more. Chicago Even
ing Post.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
Two Kinds of Paleness.

''You are awfully pale" said Esmer-
elda Longcofin to Birdie McGinnis.
''Yes, know am pale; but my pale
ness is natural. 1t comes from dyspep-
sia; but you get your paleness by the
box from the drug store. Texas Sift-
iDUS
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
just Like a Man.

Mrs. Fozzleton-George tomorrow
is mommer's birthday, and think we
ought to give her something. You
must remember she has been with as
ten weeks now.
Fozzleton-Yes; let US give her send
off.-Brcol1lyn Eagle.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
Never Happy.

'sWhat makes Mrs. Pathfinder look
so unhappy"
''Her husband spends all his evenings
at home now and she has nothing to
complain about Detroit Free Pres7.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
A Dangerous Practice.

Ais dyeing the hair as dangerous
as the doctors would make it appear
B-CertaInly; you may take my word
for it. Only last spring an uncle of
mine dyed his hair, and in three weeks
he was married to a widow with four
children. Fliegende Blaetter.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
Fool or Genius.

Chummy-What would you think of
a man that always went round talking
to himself.
Grufdy-I should say if he did it to
listen to himself, he was fool; if he
did it to avoid listening to his friends,
he was genius; and if he did it to save
his friends from listening to him, he
was philanthropist.-Tr
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
A Submarine Trilby.

Dime Museum Manager-You'd make
a big hit as Trilby.
Mermaid-Why, can't sing Ben
Bolt"
Dime Museum Manager-No, but your
feet are out of sight.-Truth.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
How He Got Rich.

Bank President-I have never taken
a day away from business in twenty
years. Isn't that a record?
Direetor-A record of folly.
Folly! Why, great Scott, it makes
my clerks ashamed to ask for ten
ays."-Brooxlyn Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
Dear Little Brother.

Mr.. Courtney (flatteringly)-Ih had the
blues when came here tonight. Miss
Fisher, but they are all gone now. You
are as good as medicine.
Miss Fishers Little Brother-Yes
father himself says she'll be drug on
the market if she doesn't catch on to
some fellow soOu.-Tit-BitS
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
The Circumstances.

Miss Amy-Of course you are familiar
with Longfellow's poem, ITO Stay at
Home Is Best"
Dolly-Yes, Miss Amy, and think he
must have written it just after return
ing from a summer outing.-Tammany
Times.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
Greater DEPTHS.

He-And did he tell you he saved me
from watery grave?
She-He said he saved you from q
worse place than that.-Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
The Point of View.

Small Boy-Papa, what does NJ. D
mean after doctors name?
Papa-just received his physician'a
bill)-It must mean MANI dollars, {
think.-N. Y. journal.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
Prize Winner.

If my cook would ride cycle
She would make record neat,
For, to judge her by her dinners,
She's a scorcher hard to beat.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
She. and Another She.

Hc-What sweet. modest, pretty
girl that isl Do you know her?
She-Yes; it's that designing, pert,
horrid Miss De Goode.-N. Y. Weekly.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
His Ante.

Catherine-Mamma, is Mr.. Caper very
old?
Mamma No; why do you ask?
Catherine-He must be, though, for !
heard papa say last night that he raised
his ante.-San Francisco Chronicle.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02
Question for EcOnOmists.

The busy bee, the ousy ant
How do they fare
Beside the idle butterfly
That loafs In ART
Chicago Mali
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-11-02

Boy-An' ter t'ink dat it was on'Y
yesterday dat give yer big piece o.
meatl-Judge.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1895-03-16
How to Cure Rheumatism.

ARAGo, Coos Co, OREGON, Nov. 10,
1881 wish to inform you OF the
great good Chamberlain's Pain Balm
has done my wife. She has been
troubled with rheumatism OF the
arms and hands for six months, and
has tried many remedies prescribed
for that complaint, but found no re-
lief until she used this Pain Balm;
one bottle of which has completely
cured her. take pleasure in recon-
mending it for that trouble. Yours
truly, G. A. BULLoRD. so cent and
$l.00 bottles, For sale by all dealers.
Benson, Smith Il Co., agents for the
Hawaiian Islands.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1895-03-16
RED MEN IN WASHINGTON.
On a Tour of Inspection of the Halls
Of the Capitol.

Five stalwart, picturesque Indian
chiefs, in full regalia and typical in
their wildwood spender Of the fast
vanishing red man, attracted the at
tention Of many interested specta-
tors at the Capitol recently. They
were Sacs aud Foxes, descendants OF
the race once commanded by the in
vincible Black Hawk, and were in all
respects the best representatives OF
the American aborigines seen in
Washington for a long time. They
were accompanied by their inter
prefer. q. b Boutenelu, who point
ed out to them the objects Of inter
est in Statuary Hall and the two
chambers OF Congress.
The ubiquitous aud accommodate
ing weather clerk Of the House, Mr..
Randolph, brought his camera; Cor
respondent w. S. Lsrner arranged
the chiefs in a group on the front
steps Of the Capitol and their pic
lures were taken in four different
aspects. All the men were above
the medium in height and were pic
turesquely robed in bottle green,
blue and red blankets. Civilization
had entered very sparingly into the
features OF their tout ensemble.
They wore eagle feathers on their
heads, bear-claw necklaces and sill
YER medals upon their chests, buck
skin trousers and beaded mocc asins,
aud several carried a red soapstone
pipe, festooned with hawk plumes.
There was little stoicism in the
manner in which they enjoyed pos
ing for their picture, When the OBJ
ject Of Mr.. Randolph's mysterious
and cabalistic signs, movements and
gesticulations behind the camera
We're made known to them they
burst into a ringing peal OF laughter
and manifested as much delight as
proverbial boy is supposed to dc
over his first pair Of pants.-Wash.
ingtOn Post.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1895-03-16
BILLIARDS IN A CHURCH
Bowling All y and Gymr asium
Among Its Features

The Adams Congregational Church
recently dedicated congregation
house and parsonage containing
some radical modern features. The
house, besides containing more com
pletely the features found in parish
houses, has a bowling alley, a we'll
equipped gymnasium and billiard
and pool room, the most radical
feature Of all. The auditorium has
platform with footlights, as near
an approach to a stage as could well
be built in competition with a
church, even in the midst OF liberal
Adams folk. The church has a
well-ftted kitchen, many tables,
lots Of table linen, silverware and
dishes. II has reading rooms,
classrooms and study for the
pastor.
The bowling alley is in the base
ment, and is always full Of merry
youths at accessible hours. The
gymnasium in the attic is constantly
patroni7ed. Last week class Of
young men was organized and Pro-
lessor Seeley OF Williams College
was engaged for instructor. The
young women have become jealous,
and it has been decided to prohibit
the use Of the gymnasium by the
boys for several hours each day aud
turn it over to the girls, who are
determined to form an athletic asso-
citation, too.
The church is not selfish. 1t has
thrown open the doors OF its fine
congregation house to the whole
community, believing that a better
ing OF social conditions is a step
toward publication.
There are one or two OF the old
conservative element who look I'M
favorably upon the congregation
house and it's well patronized pool
and billiard tables. One says:
"By and by there will be saloon
connected with every church. Ii
you put in billiard tables, bowling
alleys and gymnasiums and say as
long as the boys will play they had
better play at church, why not put
in a bar, for as long as men will
drink, why not let them drink at
GENERALIZATION Journal.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1895-03-16
BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY.

WANTED "A SMART ENERGETIC
w man, who is not afraid of work, to
enter an Importing House in Honolulu,
having a good connection and which is
be oven G Dons t6e
Islands. All communications will be treat
ed as strictly confidential, and returned II
desired. A good living salary guaranteed
or an interest in the business. Must have
some capital. Principals only treated with.
For further particulars address,
X. Y. H.,
l2S0-tf BULLETIN Office, Honolulu.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1895-03-16

g. r. Harrison, practical piano
aud organ maker and tuner, can fur
nish best factory references, Orders
left at Hawaiian News Co. will re-
ceiye prompt attention. All work
guaranteed to he the same as done
In factory.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1895-03-16
FOR SALE

rTNHE WELL. KNOWN
l. Family Driving
y HS: jssa ''i z, BSSr SSn' 4 -
now for sale. Inspec-
ton and terms may be had on application
to "a. b." care Capt Warson Mounted
Patrol, Police Station. 1887 lw
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
sHEpHERDSTOWN W. VA. THURSDAY, APRIL 25 1896

other refuse rattle out through sieve
and the long fbers are separated by
series of comb-like sieves into various
lengths. The very short ones are taken
out to the pulp mills, where they are
ground up fine for the manufacture of
solid packing for steam pistons, mill
board and other commodities. The
longer fbers are gathered together,
carded and spun into yarn, just like
cotton or wool. After that the sub
stance may be woven into cloth in
various ways. The cloth is Of a dirty
white color and has soapy feeling.
The uses of asbestos are almost IN
Vulnerable. Ground fine and COM
bined with colors and oils by secret
process it makes a beautiful paint,
which is said to go far toward fire
proofng the surface to which it is ap-
piled. Various kinds of roofing are
also made by treating strong canvas
with a combination of asbestos and
felt and backing it with MANILA paper.
1t is extensively used for roofs of fac
tories, railroad shops, bridges, steam
boat decks and other places where
there is danger of fire.
Nearly everyone has seen the thick
asbestos felt covering for steam pipes
and furnaces. Asbestos cement is
sometimes used for hot-blast pipes and
fre-heated surfaces. Asa packing for
locomotive pistons, valve stems and
oil pumps it is almost indispensable.
1t is also made into ropes and mill
boards, which can be used almost
everywhere. Asbestos cloth is being
used more every year. Some States
require theatres to use an asbestos
drop-curtain to protect the audience
if the scenery catches fire. The yarn
is knit into mittens for workers in iron
and glass. Goldsmiths use block Of
asbestos so solder upon.
Asbestos is found in a good many
hundreds of places in the world be-
sides Italy and Canada, but the fbers
are nearly all too splintery and brittle,
Rich deposits have recently been found
in Wyoming, California and Montana.
A good mine of asbestos is more val
liable than gold mine, and as the
substance becomes better known and
more used it will be still more precious
The time may not be far distant when
firemen will be clothed in suits made
from asbestos.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
The Mule Talked.

The stories of ventriloquism are
strange and wonderful, even though
certain people are always telling US
there is no such thing as throwing
the voice to any distance and having
It still natural in sound. a civil en-
gineer says that while he was over
seeing gang Of men, who we're haul
ing loads Of dirt with a mule team, a
friend of his, a ventriloquist, came up
and stood by his side, watching the
men at work.
Presently a mule, driven by large
red-headed and fery-tempered IRISH
man, baked, right in front Of the spot
where the two lockers on were stand
ing. The Irishman soon lost his tenn
per, and began to belabor the animal
with his whip. Now and then the
mule would turn his head and look re-
prOachfully at the Irishman, but still
refused to bulge.
"Now just watch the lrishman,
whispered the ventriloquist in his
friends ear.
At that moment Pat. losing all pa
tience, gave the animal tremendous
kick in the ribs with his heavy boot.
The mule turned his head, and
looking the Irishman in the face.
opened his mouth.
Don't do that again."
The voice sounded as though it came
direct from between the mules parted
lips.
The whip dropped from the IRISH
mans hand. For moment be stared
at the mule, and then, without utter
ing a word, be whirled about and
bolted down the street as fast as his
two legs could take him.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
Divorce in Burmah.

Suppose Burmese husband and
wife quarrel and determine TO seps-
rate. The wife-who always does the
marketing-goes out and buys two
small candles of equal length, which
are made especially for this use. She
brings them home. She and her hus-
band sit down on the floor and light
them simultaneously. One candle
stands for him, and the other for her.
The one whose candle burns out first
rises and goes out of the house forever,
with nothing but what he or she may
have on. So the divorce and the d.
vision of the property-if you can call
that a division-are settled.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
The Fox and the Hare.

One day the Fox saw the Hare enter
her burrow, and knowing that he could
not dig her out he approached with
grin upon his face and announced that
he had been appointed a committee of
one to go through the forest and report
as to which animal was entitled to the
prize for grace, beauty and feetness
of foot There was no question, he
said, that she could run three feet to
his two, but simply as formality she
should come out and make trial.
"Sir, replied the Hare from her
safe retreat, II am no spring chicken !
Do we not all know that the Weasel is
the feetest animal in the forest ?"
"Ah, yes" said the Fox, but the
Weasel has no grace. His body is al
together too long for his girth, and
everybody has remarked on the size
of his feet. Your form is pronounced
faultness by all. 1 pray you come out
that l may behold you"
"Sir," replied the Hare, q may
look green, but l am no hay seed. 1t
was only yesterday that you chased
me two miles and came near eating
me. Not this eve, thank you"
"But my dear Hare, " persisted the
Fox, "it is well known that you have
the loveliest eyes of any inhabitant of
the forest.
"Do you really mean it?" queried
the Hare.
"Of course l do And such beauti-
full teeth y
Dear, dear me sighed the Hare.
"And you have such a shy, cute
way with you, and such graceful
walk Really l must insist on your
coming out of that home in the
ground, which is no fitting domicile
for such as you"
Honestly, now, but do you actually
think" began the Hare as she popped
her head above ground. But before
she could finish the Fox had her.
When she had been fully devoured he
picked his teeth with sassafras twig
and observed to himself:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
A Funny Man Visits a Doctor.

The other morning, as belated
member of the Owl club was steering
home through the dense fog which the
writer is reliably informed hangs over
the city at 5 a. m, he passed the house
of a well-known physician. The yes-
tibule of this residence was open, and
ON its side the dim rays of the moon,
struggling through the gloom produced
by the efforts of the city gas company
disclosed the mouth of an acoustic tube,
underneath which was the inscription
Whistle for DR.. Potts.
Not wishing to be disobliging about
so small a matter, the Owl stumbled
up the steps, and steadying himself
against the wall blew into the pipe
with all the strength of his lungs.
The physician, who was awakened
by the resultant shrill whistle near
his head, arose, and after wondering
at the singular odOr of whiskey in the
room groped his way to the tube and
shouted, "Well?"
"Glad to know you're well, was
the reply but, being a DOCTOR Is'pose
you can keep well at cost price, can't
yOu?"
what do you want, said the man
of pills, not caring to joke in the airy
nothing of his nightgown.
Well said the party at the other
end of the tube after few moments
meditation. "Oh, by the way, are you
young Potts or old POtts9"
"I am DR.. Potts. There is no young
Potts"
Not dead, hope.
"There never was any. have no
son.
"Then you are young Potts and old
Potts too. Dear, dear, how singular
"What do you want?" snapped the
doctor, who was beginning to feel as
though slegs were pair of elongated
icicles.
"You know old Mrs. Peayine, who
lives in the next block ?"
Eyes, is she sick? What's the mat
teri
''Do you know her nephew, too
Bill Briggs"
"Yes; well?'
well, he went to Bridgeport shoot
ing this morning, and
And he had an accident? Hold
up a minute. I'll be right down
mo, he's all right, but he got 81
ducks, Is of EN- mallards. | thought
you might like to hear it. "
And the joker hung on to the nozzle
and laughed like hyena digging up
a fat missionary. 81 say" came down
from the exasperated NJ. D., that's
jolly good joke, my friend. Won'tyou
take something"
What" said the surprised humo-
rist, pausing for breath.
"Why, take something. Take this.
And before the disgusted funny
man could withdraw his mouth hast
lily compounded mixture Of ink, lpecac
and asafetida squirted from the pipe
and deluged him from head to foot,
about pint monopolizing his shirt
front and collar
And while he danced frantically
around, spOngDg himself off with his
handkerchief and swearing like a pi-
rate in the last act, he could hear an
angel voice from above swsetly muir
mer
Have some more? No? well. good
night! Come soon again, you funny
dog, you. By by"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
NOW AS TO PRICES.

Ihave always tried to make the prices as
low as they could be made. But this season
know that you are getting better quality
and better styles. better goods In everything
for less money than you ever bought the
same quality OF goods for before. | have Il
large and well selected stock OF everything
that pertains To a mans wardrobe, ana TO be
on the safe side ! have put prices down so
close that il will carry the cheapness 10 every
man. woman or child who sees the goods.
Now my stock is ready waiting for you to
get ready To come and see me.
Thanking all my friends and customers Tor
their past kindness and asking for your pa
tronage in the future, subscribe myself as
ever your friend, ,,
JACOB WINTERMOYER,
The Boss Clothing Man OF Shepherdstowh.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
Lumber ! Lumber !

The Hagerstown Spoke and Bend,
ing Co. has on hand and will sell
cheap:
10000 #. 1-inch Oak Boards.
10000 #. u, 2, ,! and 3-inch Oak
Plank.
10000 fl. 1-inch Oak Fencing Boards.
5000 Oak Palings.
500 Cords Oak and Hickory wood.
The same can be seen at our saw
mill in the tract of timber purchased
of Mr.. Geo. Licklider, located about
miles from Shepherdstown along
the Halltown pike. Will also saw
bills to order. We pay the highest
cash price for Hickory and Oak Rim
Logs and Spokes. Address all COM
munications to
VI. V. A. NORRIS, Manager,
Shepherdstown, w. Va.
Apa.I lS95-2m
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
BABY.

Oh better than rose love
The bud before its blowing,
And sad am /, though glad am ],
To see how baby's growing.
And oh what time /, wondering. Wait
To see my flowers unfolding.
Almost wish Time ne'er could touch
The baby bud I'm holding.
Yet oh! so fast, so fast, she grows.
Nor distant can the daS be,
Alas! when Time, remorseless thief.
VIII rob ne OF my baby.
hold her in my arms and grieve
To think she will outgrow them:
l dread the years of blossom time,
Yet pray Heaven 10 bestow them.
With light and leading-so we trust
Her life Will grow completer;
But will she be as sweet again?
We know she can't be sweeter.
Alas that she must change! AS child
And woman, too, she may be
All beautiful-Gol send 1t SO!
But OH she'll not be Baby
Eugene Field.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25

Jagwell-Wbat makes that hen in
your back yard cackle so loud?
Wigway-oh, they've just laid a
corner stone across the street, and she's
trying to make the neighbors think
she did il.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
MORAL.

"Flattery, if persisted in, is a weapon
which never fails to bring down its
game"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
Mems and Boys Clothing
AND
GENTS FURNISHING GOODS.

This stock has been selected with the grea.-
est care and each article has been marked at
a price every one can afford 10 pay. Mems
Suits as low as $3.50 and up, Youths Suits So
and up. Childreu's Knee suits 80 cents and
up, and have the samson Never Kip rants
from 81. 90 up and the Imported Cashmere
and Worsted Pants from $500 up to $500,
same pants sold last year from 81 w to s6.OD.
Chi!dren's Knee Pants as low as 20 cents
pair, Waterproof Collars 10 cents or 2 Tor 20
cents. Waterproof Cuffs 70 and % cents pair,
Iaundried White Shirts from Is cents TO 81 %
and everything else has been market down
in proportion. Just To think Double Knee
overall for 50 cents. My lire or
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25

The wayworn man had fallen in the
street in very good swoon.
The usual crowd gathered and the
usual man who-knows-what-tO-do
shouted:
STAND back and give him air T
The wayworn man got up.
"Airl' said he, with fine scorn.
"Airl When l ain. had nothln but
air for tree daysT'
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25
n ECK w Il A r

Is far superior to the display of any preced-
ing year and as a suitable Scarf or Tie very
often adds ten per cent 10 mans looks and
every Necktie is stylish and high grade, neat
and nobby and becoming. and my prices
sneak for themselves.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1895-04-25

1t is said of the 800 conviets in the
Kansas penitentiary that not one is an
editor. But just wait till the poor
house statistics are published