Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-01-10
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughabie Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
A Budget Of Fun.
sprinkIes of Spice.


no friends? All--No. He was an old
bachelor.-Plain Dealer.
The butcher is no gambler, but he il
always ready to stake the lucky board
ing house Representatives.
The politician who has been lost in
pack he has been with.-Picayune.
Politics are full of uncertainties. To
day a man is on the stump and next
week he may be all up u tree.-Boston
Transcript
Figg-Tell me. is there anything
crooked about Gay? FOgg-I don't
know, unless ii Is a corkscrew.-
Transcript.
Poet-I have here Il little poem ''To
Philips" Editor-Sorry, but there Is no
one on the staff by that name.-Syra-
clse Post.
"Your sealskin sacque is the finest I
have ever SEEN" "Well, it ought to be,
it was made from one or the educated
seals. Judge.
Stella-Just look at Miss Desplaine
and Mr.. Badly over there! Miss Pot
tcr-Yes; a romance of the middle ages,
SO to speak.-Vogue.
Fogyduff-I have no money to spend
in advertisements. Pacer-Of course
you haven't, and that's just the reason.
Boston Transcript.
Supt. Byrnes is after the living pic
lures in New York, and they'll have
all they can do to make a bare living
Philadelphia Record
Most men make n great fuss about
doing the best they can. With a wOm-
an it's what she can't do that bothers
her.-Adams Freeman.
Some men show remarkably good
taste in their selection of ties until they
put their necks into the matrimonial
halter.-Boston Gazette.
Uncle-Tell me frankly, Fred, what
is the amount of your debts? Fred
Oh, my dear uncle, just as much as you
please.-Fliegcnde Blaetter
The maiden smiled, as well she might
For there beside her sat
A youth who owned in his own right
siXteen-story fiat.-Truth.
Clara-Dear me! Those toilet things /
ordered haven't come. Maude-Then
i don't suppose you'll have the face to
20 to the ball to-night.-Life.
First Burglar-Sh! There's a cop on
the other side of the street, Second Bur
glar-Lay low. then! There amt enough
I'm This jOh tn divide --Iudyp
Don't talk to me about compulsory
vaccinationr' exclaimed the man who
had his arm in sling. "Pm sore on
that subject. Chicago Tribune.
Japan says she proposes to demolish
China" said Mr.. Blykins. "She ought
to have our servant girl" replied his
wife, wearily.-Atlanta Constitution.
MY" said the bald-headed man,
looking over the hairy heads of the foot
BAH team, chow secure 1 would feel
with Il few Yale cks."-Adams Free
man.
In some parts OF Kentucky ministers
dare not preach from the Acts for fear
the male members of their congregation
may go off between them.-Richmond
Dispatch.
Minnie-What do you understand by
the term platonic affection? Mamie
1t usually means that the young man
feels that he cannot afford to marry
Omaha Bee.
Great reforms are seldom accom-
plished without bloodshed," was the
consoling thought of the man who de-
cided to do his own shaving.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
"Well, you are the first man l ever
heard accuse Thimmins Of being full
of energy" But he must be- He has
been storing 1t up for years. Indian
apolis Journal.
McSwatters lin dime museum)-How
much do you weigh with clothes on?
Living Skeleton-Why, If didn't have
me toys on wouldn't weigh anything.
Syracuse Post.
Peasant (who has just insured his
farmhouse)-What would 1 get If my
house should burn down next week?
Agent-In al probability three or four
years in prisOn.-Fliegende Blaetter.
"What became Of that man who had
twenty seven medals for saving people
from drowning?" Wharf Minder-He
fell in one day when he had all of 'em
on and the weight of 'em sunk him.
Answers.
Newlight-l see Prof. Briggs is quot
ed as saying that of the 10000 ministers
in this country about $4,000 could be
dispensed with. Oldlight = Yes, and
the church has decided that he Is one
of the 50,OOO.--New York Tribune.
Juniorus-The governor writes me in
reply to my last letter asking for money
that he Is on the verge OF giving up in
despair. ophomorocus-That's en-
couraging. My dad CURLY informs me
that he doesn't propose to give up at
all.-Buffalo Courier.
Mrs. Wickwire-Did you read about
that man who has been married for the
third time to the woman he has been
divorced from twice already? Mr..
Wickwire-Yes. Seems to me that a
man of that sort ought to take some
sort of treatment for the habit Indian
apolis Journal
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A Mysterious LIGHT