New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1895-09-15
QUEER PEOPLE.
CONSCIENCE BEECHER-HER QUEERNESS.

/
shed doorway nursing his knees and the sage
| remark was addressed to him.
There's queer folks livin'.'
Jonas braced himself firmly against the door
! frame. sidewise.
80 there be- So there be- he assented
! "One Of 'em lives over to the Cross Roads. In
the first story -a-half house to the left gon
There's little rim of leftover whitewash under
the caves. and a creepln Jenny over the front
! door"
Mis- Beechers?" Jonas asked, recrossing his
| knees and rebracng himself.
! Conscience Beecher's-shes the ticket. She's
the queer folks there. Know herr
! "Not to say know her-jest a speakin' acquaint-
! ance after meetin'. | do knows | ever heard
! her first name before. nor anybody elses frst
! name like it,
| Coincidence? Well guess It's a little mite odd
| but it don't sound out O. the way to me. as
know OF. I've known Conscience Beecher ever
| since she went school with me an give me
bites OF her apple-cores. She's a good woman
| but she's as queer a snow storm Fourth o
July"
| Mr. Petitioners spectacles slipped off into the
tub and he was obliged to fish for them some min
| utes He always wore his glasses when he did
! the washing though, he wore them pushed up
on his forehead, the clothes could hardly be said
to profit materially by their presence. The hecks
| OF soapsuds on his brown. barred arms looked
| oddly out OF place. and the apron OF bed TICKING
| tied round his neck looked even more So lie was
| a little man, round and red. and the top edge Oh
| the washboard, denting him In the middle as IL
| did uncomfortably interfered with his breathing
| He spoke with little pufs between his words, and
| italicized puffs at the periods. Jonas Littefeld
watched him with lazy amusement. His wife
| never had the rheumatism, he thanked his stars
| Yes Conscience amt a real common-every-day
name" David said. adjusting the wet spectaces
| and soaping new garment
"It's peculiar. Consciences father was, too
| That accounts for 1t. He named his onsprings
| out of his own head. an there warn't anything
| common everyday in Enathan Elbridge's head
| Jonas waited a minute. then said. by way OF
socability:
| II amt lived here long enough to have ever
| heard tell about him"
| mo? Then it's time told ye. He was TURF
BILE original thnkin' man. Had five offsprlngs
| an OF all the names he give EN-! There was
Careful Ann-she the Oldest She's dead
She warn't quite careful enough. an took cold to
camp meetn' an died OF it, Then there was
| Peace N Plenty Ebridge-she married Berry
| town PlunLet an had nine offsprings-penty Of
'em. but do know how peaceful they were! Con-
| science come next. Then Romulus an Remus
| last-the two twins. They was the means OF
I namin' the town O Rome over yonder!
| Jonas glanced up inquringly at Davids puny
| chuckle. Jonas was not classical scholar
Rome Amt bad name" he remarked
Mono, faint. It's pretty fair name. But
as l was sayin', there's queer folks Twin Con-
science Beecher's Of 'em. do know but 1t 5
| her name struck In"
| "How's she queer?"
| David Pettibone wiped his hands on the bed
! ticking apron and went over and sat down on the
sawhorse.
| "How's Conscience Beecher queer? We'll, shes
| a turrible poor, shfless. unbecomin' cumberer
| the earth--cordin' to her say Her house amt
| much better n pig sty, an she COOKS turrioie
| victuas"
Jonas frowned. 81 never had no patience with
! poor cookers" he said.
/ Poor cookers. Conscience Beecher's the best
| cook in this county. I'd like to see anybody lay
out a sghtler an tastier meal o vctuals than
she cam An her kitchen-ioor's good 8 a lookn'-
glass Ny land o. gracious. Conscience Beechers
way ahead"
Thought you said she lived in pig-pen, jest
a minute ago.
| "'Cordn to her say. she does. That's where
she's queer. She's one o them women that's al
ways maxim excuses an maxim excuses. She's
wore herself all out maxim excuses-an every
body else. too. She'll invite the presidin' elder
| over 10 supper, say. Well, he won't no more
| than step inside the parlor before she'll begin
I'm dretfu sorry the house looks Ike such a
| fright she'll say lookin mortified. It's dretful
dusty an hy-speckled. hope you won look at
things real clost to-. "
| David got up and rubbed himself and sat down
! on one end Of the meal chest
"A sawhorse is turrible unsatisfactory seat"
rfl, ha nod hic
when 1t comes along supper-time, she'll say
! I hope you amt real hungry for Amt got much
| OF anything for you to eat. | do knows you can
relish anything at all The biscuits is a turrible
! failure guess got in too much saleratus An
If them biscuits amt jest lights feather-bed, an
Drowned To turn. 1T sets my mouth TO waterih
to think of EN-!
Then when she passes the sponge cake she
says real dolefu. VIII you Try some o this
cake? Ii amt a success an | do knows you can
eat II. | had real poor luck An so on inini-
tum There won't be a single dish on that table
| fit to eat. -
| David leaned back against the tub and laughed
/ in reminiscent enjoyment
"she got her come-uppance that time 1t was
when the minister swopped with the Berrytown
parsor Conscience boarded the minister
| over Sunday. She worked turrible hard gettin
up mess o nice dishes to eat. We was Invited
over-Mls' PettibOne an me-to supper. Land o
| gracious goodness me, That supper-table was
groanin an takin' on mt to split with good Wet
| uals An every namable thing onto II was
| cooked Jest as perfect, You'd ought to have seen
| that table Jonas Iittlefeld"'
| Jonas caressed his stomach hungrilys Il wisht
| I could have" he said
| We'll set down an pretty soon Conscience
| UP an begins.
| I'm mortified not 10 have nothin reshable to
eat Brother Peters. she says. but you'll have
Ia excuse II. I amt much OF hand TO COOK. I'm
| afraid | hope you'll find somethln you can
| relish Ny bread sort of sogged down to-day, an
I hope the sauce amt branded. Them doughnuts
lt,t1 nit m fafr an hin
seems the matter with my custards. They cur
! died up | s'pose. An Conscience run on. belam-
| fyin' all Them elegant eatables an lookin'
| ashamed Of 'eni-tryn' to. Well, the minister. he
| hove a sigh an looked real disappointed. But he
was a cautious man an had respect to his stom-
! ach