The evening times., 1895-08-22
Stories We'll Told.


porch. trying 10 find the door bell. The
lady became alarmed. She got her hus-
bands pistol and ran upstairs. She crept
to window directly over the door and
listened. She could hear man moving
about very distinctly
Bang! Bang! Bang! She fired three
times. The bullets passed dangerously
near the ceaf man, but he did not hear the
sound of the report. He Kept looking for
the door bell, and, finding ii, he gave it
a long ring.
mo one came. Finally he grew djscour-
ageu and ieft- As be walked a way he was
met by several people who had heard the
shots. When he was told Of his narrow
escape he smiled pleasantly and hurried
Domeward, incredulous." Copsti-
tuition.
"You can talk all you want about your
California fruit, but you amt got nothin'
that will touch my apples" declared an
oregon farmer, as be wandered through the
rooms Of the board of trade yesterday. II
| got apples on my place, near Grant a Pass.
as big as punkins."
Couldn't you send down a few speci-
mens?" inquired an attacbe.
Don't believe l can. They're SO blamed
juicy that they're just like a skinfull O.
cider"
Great apples, are they?"
THE finest on earth. Why, they give a
barrel o. cider to the bushel right along.
But you ought to see my strawberry water
melons"
IA new variety Of mclon?''
We'll. now, you've got me. 1 can't Just
| say whether they're a new kind o. melon
er new kind O. strawberry. You zee, my
strawberries grew as big as teacups an as
juicy as watermelons. Accidental like
some melon eeed got into my strawberry
bed. an they got mixed, an the first thing
KNEW l had a cropo' that caifmulefruit
They was shaped like wateruielons an as
big, but they didn't have no rind. They
was like straw berries on the outside and
watarmelons on the inside-alI frcs. and
juice. You can commence bitin' right at
the top an go clear through en-, an they're
good all the way."-San Francisco Post
George W. Kingsbury jr-, brought to S1e
Argus us-Lcader office from Yankton q bull
snake five and one-half feet long The
snake is extremely alive aid Will be taken
from its box and exhibited to any who
desire The snake was captured in a
peculiar way. The grain in the country
is so thick that the snakes cannot crawl
through. Mr.. Kingsbury says that it is
matter OF comparative ease to laseoo them
as they squirt about on top of the waving
grain.-Sioux Falls Argus.
Here, how is this7" demanded the CON-
ductor, savagely. you have thirteen
children and they are all trying TO travel
on half tickets -'- '-'''''''7
The man and woman addressed looked
at each other, and flush that suggested
them to be guilty of trying 10 swindle the
railroad, came 10 their cheeks; but they
made no response.
How old is that girl hack there" con-
tinucd the conductor, pulling his tawny
mustache.
She will be twelve the I'd OF November"
replied the woman, figuring it out on her
finger ends.
And how old is that boy rcxt herr"
IF he lives till the 27th of November, he
will be IL, too" answered the man.
sharply.
Hal Just as expected" gloated the |
conductor. wow, how, can you explain |
the proximity of their birthdays" and |
he waited for the efconfessioIf.
That's easy enough. ,ven,ured the wo-
man. frankly.
1T is, is it,"
Yes. There is no Ia W that kno W OF that |
prevents cousins being born the same
month"
This amt the smoking car" thundered |
the ticket puDcher, as he pounced upon
girl eating a ba mana, to hide his sconfusion.-
Truth.
The rhiDoceros at the Zoois a philosophical |
old chap, despite his thick hide, and just now
he is enjoying himself despite the hot wealth
er, and thinking that captivity has some ad-
vantages after all. Above the thick-barre
pen in which he is confined in the elephant
house runs u pipe. To this his keeper has
attached a rose Jet and turned on the water, |
so that the animal may have the benefit of
q cooling shower bath. Under this the
rhinoceros lies all day lon$, only shifting
his position now and then SD that the water |
may run upon u different portion of his
body. Usually he prefers TO let it fall be-
tween his ears, and lies blinking his eyes
with quiet contentment.-Philadeiph Rec
ord.
There are more ways of winning a wife
tha there are oflosinG one. A bennington
lover has, however, discovered a new one
The object of his affections admitted that she
had walked out with his rival Where
uponhe threw himself into canal--not very
far, but with the water up to his neck.
There he stood a. nd swore that II she did not
promise to marry him he would go under
She hcsitated, but considering how very |
lamp he had got, at last consented. The
report does not say that she embraced
him on coming to land. 1t was bold step
'or him to take to the water, nd one that,
lot have succeeded.
A young lady in charge of the captain of
| p. & o. boat had two siIitors on board
md a pug dog. The latter fell overheard
MI one of her swains instantly jumped after
t into the sea. The other confined himself {
o lea ming over the side, and crying: Poor {
loggie." When the rescuer came on board, {
tripping, the young lady turned to the cap !
ain and asked him which of her two lovers
fter such an incident he would recommend
er to take He was u practical man, and 1
eplicd: Take the dry one," which she ac- {
ordingiy did. The only instance OF wet &
over being appreciated was tina of Leander I
London News. c
II have discovered the secret of the '
'icycle face," said the man who spent most
4 his time loafing at the club window. II {
now the cause OF it and know how to cnre | i
|. I'll bet l can cure the worst case of BIZ s
ycle face that was ever seen on the streets /
( Chicago q
Going 10 begin the manufacture of nat n