The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-07-23


had endeavored 70 serve. Il hope" said
his lordship, gravely, that the writ was
not made returnable In this court"
The happy answers" owing their point
10 Biblical or ecclesiastical illusions are
still more numerous. but in many cases
are somewhat too audacious for print.
He is regular ST. Paul. was the eulo-
gy made by an enthusiasts friend OF
certain needy clergyman whose chronic
impecuniosity had brought him into pain
fGlly frequent familiarity with the vari-
Gus processes of the law for the recovery
OF uebts. IS, said the bishop, whose
assistance was being solicited; quite So
l see-'in prisons off, The pardOnable
but injudiciOus enthusiasm OF some
clergy men over their musical ser
vices has given rise TO many
smart sayings. which are. at any rate.
ben trovato. None. perhaps, Is better tnan
the familiar one of the eXasperated WISH
tor. who, after being made TO listen IN
torment 10 GregOrian chants cruelty muir
dered, was told that. according TO tradi-
ton. those chants owed their origin TO
King David himself. The visitor rendered
reckless by his misery, retorted that he
had often wondered why Saul threw that
jaVelin at the royal Psalmst, but he quite
understood now. Another clergyman.
whose musical ambition was not temper
ed by prudence, took advantage of the
choir through an elaborate performance
OF vocal gymnastics, for which thew were
totally unit. We'll, my lord" he inquir-
Ell eagerly, after the service what did
you think of the singing" My dear sir"
was the episcopal reply. Il have never
TIL now appreciated the wisdom of the
rubic which distinguishes between 'choirs
and places where they sing Scarcely
less severe was the bishops contribution
to the chorus Of ll-judged praise over the
performances of choir which, to his crit
zeal ear had not mastered the rudiments
of time. so sweet" said one; so devo-
tiOnal," purred another; $50 hearty and
Scriptural" lisped a third. Very" agreed
the bishop blandly; indeed 1t forcibly re-
minded me of the psalm where is says,
The singers 20 before, and the minstrels
follow after "
Courtship and marriage are recognized
targets for witticisms. of which Mr.
Punch's famous Don't" is undoubtedly
the most brilliant example Of a happy an
swer. Most of them are of the same Gym
zeal character. A careworn divine is re-
ported to have said, in reply to the ecstat-
tc declaration of an intending Benedict
that nothing in the world beats a good
wife, "Oh. yes, a bad husband often
does, and-vice versa one would like to
have known the schoolgirl who. in reply
to her brothers jeers and inquiry, Why
girls should be always kissing each other
and men not2 said that of course 1t was
because girls had nothing better to kiss.
and men had-but perhaps she studied the
question too deeply, and developed into
the fair cynic who, after season or two
of conquests gave il as her opinion that
men were like colds, very easy TO catch
and very hard to get rid of. Few better
things are recorded than the answer Of
Bcaconsteld to the question how he felt
f Of
commons 10 the serene atmosphere OF the
| lords. Feel answered the statesman, Il
feel as though l were dead and buried -
and then, noticing, for the first time, that
his qucstioner was peer, he added, with a
charming smile and bow, and amongst the
blest spirits of the great and good" This
adrOit recovery from an unfortunate slip
recalls the familiar story of the Prince
regent and the officer of marines. In
those brave old days of free drinking
the empty bottles which gathered apace
| were styled marines" for what reason
/ it is hard to say. The prince called to a
| servant and babe him clear away those
| marines" An officer of that distinguished
/ corps, who was present, resented the OBJ
servation as beng-to adopt the phrase
ology of MIR. Wellers motherhood friend
! personal to the cloth" and requested
an explanation. My dear Colonel" said
his royal highness, with winning cour-
tesy, Il called them marines because, like
your fellows, they've done their duty.
and are ready TO do II again" The apt
replies in the language Of compliment
claim a literature Of their own, but one
must serve pour indiquer les autres. we
shall never forget YOU" said a queen of
society to one of her subjects who was
making his adleux your ladyship has
now given me the only inducement not
| to return"
A few examples of the retort courteous
| must conclude our list Il see," said an
old cavalier, on being shown a medal OF
! Cromwell's. with a religious inscription
| on one side and the arms of the republic
| on the other, Il see; you put God and the
| Commonwealth on opposite sides" Akin
| to this was Swifts remark on seeing a
| medal of William of Orange, with his mot
! to, "Non rapui sed RECEIPT" The receiv-
| er is as bad as the thief" quoth the dean.
| waterloo is avenged" shrieked a jubi-
! liant Gaul, when the French horse won the
| derby. yes, growled a Briton who had
! laid against him, you ran well in both
| cases" I'm going to astonish you, my
dear sir" said a young French roue to a
money-lender. Il don't know you, and yet
| l want you to lend me 600" I'm going
| 10 astonish you a great deal more" was
| the unexpected reply, Il do know you, and
| yet I'm going to lend 1t you" AS a gen
! tie passage of literary arms, with its
! dainty thrusts and courtly riposts on both
Sides the oxford vs. Cambridge squibs of
| the revolution period rank high. 1t was
| thought advisable to send a troop Of horse
to oxford, whose legitimst leanings were
well known. Thereupon an Oxonian pub
| lished the following:
"Our Royal master saw with heedfu eyes
The wants of his two universities,
Troops he to oxford sent as knowing why
That learned body wanted loyalty;
But books to Cambridge gave as well dis
corning
That that right loyal body wanted learn
ing"
The happy answer" Of Sir William Brown
on behalf Of Cambridge was prompt and
apt:
THE king to oxford sent a troop Of horse,
For Tories own no argument but force
With equal care to Cambridge books he
sent,
For wings allow no force but argument"
Hit and Miss in ChicagO's New d.
rectOFy.
From the Chicago Tim es-Herald.
Many curious things come up in con-
Nn