davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

pleased at my knowledge of things"
put in Mrs BOwser. as he stamped
around the room.
And because / admitted that you
might possibly have the horse sense to
know that both elids of a street car
stopped at the same time you presume
20 correct me about the Island of Cy-
prus, Didn't / say that was the way
of all wives? / can see now what sort
of life poor Pitkins must have led,
and what a glad relief it was when he
found she had run away. Look
around you, Mrs Bowser, and see
what sort of house this is, II you'd
pay some attention to our home instead
of having your nose stuck into a news
paper we might take some little com
fort
I'D like to see one kept in better
order." returned Mrs. Bowser, with
show of spirit.
But don't sass me back! When a
wife begins 20 sass back her husband
should get his eyes open. did intend
To hand you out a ten-dollar bill this
evening and tell you to go down and
use il as you liked, but now ! shan't
do it II would simply be throwing
money away. came home this even
ing prepared TO sit down and enjoy nv
fireside. and you see how ! have been
disappointed. IL was with the kindest
feelings that frankly Omitted that
you might possibly know corn-stalks
from cabbages, and you repaid me by
trying to make out tina. ought to be
led around by guardian for fear I'd
fan into the sewer. They talk about
the hundreds of divorces coming up in
the courts every term. The only won
der is that there are not thousands
and tens of thou 1nds-that there is a
husband left in the land who can put
up with these things
"All said was that il was Corea and
not Cyprus" quietly observed Mrs.
BOwser.
But I say it was Cyprus" shouted
Mr.. Bowser. Don't know. Isn't it
my business to know! Would | be
idiot enough to say Cyprus If it wasn't
Cyprus! Can any human being on the
face of this earth imagine 2 wife
knowing more than her husband
about any subject more serious than
whOoping-cough and nursing bottles,
Mrs Bowser. you have brought it on
your own head You have finally
loaded the last hair on the camel's
back! Our lawyers will get together
tomorrow and arrange matters, and
if you don't want to go to Texas you
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
THE POET AND THE HumoRIsT.

The towers on the prairie are blooming,
The woodlands with melody ring;
But the poet Is slow in recording
The advent OF beautiful spring
Ills muse IS asleep and his verses
Uniformed for he knows they would be
The lutt Of the funny mans satire.
11f ridiculed mercilessly
I know not Why humorous writers
Should Jeem them legitimate prey.
For naught o. a magazine pages
Can be more insp ring than they.
Who sings % the eaufies OF nature
BY riverside. valley md fell.
And praises those wOndrOus creations
Thus lauds their Creator as well
They soothe US in anguish % spirit,
Our troubles arise and depart.
And they voice in their mOoth-fiOWing ca
q dence
f The nOblest impulse Of our heart
But he funny mans iOkelets are bitter,
The charm o. his wit they destroy;
For his pencil Is pointed with venom,
His pen dipped in gaII. 70 annoy.
Then rouse from thy lethsrgic slumber,
Thou poet Of nature. awake.
And tell Us OF beauties Astounding
BY mountain and woodland and lake
Sing on. for thy sweet. tuneful measures
VIII I've In the ages 70 come.
When the funny mans jokes are forgotten
and the voice % the scOrner is dumb
Peter Grant, In Chicago Record
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
wELL-FEo HORSES.
Among the Persisns the Animals Fars
Sumptuously.

Sumptuously.
Certainly my fathers stable was
sight for sore eyes. A series o.
rectangular holes in the wall of the
courtyard formed the hangers, &c
which the horses were secured by head
ropes; the heels of each animal were
also fastened by ropes of black camel's
hair to big iron pin driven into the
ground behind it. Each of them was
covered by a light wooden sheet, and
they were all eating away as though
for dear life, it being early summer,
when, as my father informed me, all
horses are fattened on grass for
couple of months, and do little or nc
work.
There was a great heap of freshly.
cut green barley, and boy was busily
occupied in cutting this into piece,
some three inches long by means of
sort of saw-edged sickle. As soon as
horse had emptied its manger it woulc
look around at the head groom, who
was seated on brick platform in the
middle of the stable yard, and neigh,
then the head groom would address il
by its name, and say affectionately:
Eyes, my soul, you shall be attended
to Immediately" then he would cali to
a second boy, who would fill the ami.
mails manger with the freshly-cut
green barley grass.
This goes on all day and all night,
Madge," said my father, with laugh;
none of these animals get any grain,
and they couldn't grind 1t if they did,
for their teeth are temporarily
blunted by the perpetual MUNICH
ing of the green barley stalks.
Each horse will eat mule load of II in
the twenty -four hours, and they are all
as fat as pigs, as you shall see. Now
is the horses annual holiday" and
then, by my fathers orders, the beau
tiful creatures were stripped one after
the other, and / confess that | had
never seen horses SO fat or " it'll such
shiny coats before. But not one of
them stopped eating for an instant,
and the long tails never ceased switch
ing and twirling and brushing off the
flies in a scientific manner. They
never cut horses tails in Persia, they
would consider it cruel; and the long
tails, most of which almost touch the
ground, certainly add to the animals
appearance. Behind an Eastern Veil
DR. Wills
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
SONG BIRDS.
Something About the Warblers of Differ
ent Countries.

ent countries.
India has the jocose bulbuls, often
called nightingales from their remark
ably sweet voices The Hindoos train
them to sit on their hands and be car
ried about the bazaars. The black
faced thrush is a very fine songster,
and can initiate almost everything he
hears.
The white-eyebrowed, or specialized
laughing-thrush, has loud, powerful
song and some melodious notes. He is
sometimes called the Greater Picking
nightingale, or Japanese mocking bird.
The Japanese robin is pretty bird
to look at, and very lively in his mo-
tions, but is overrated as singer, his
notes resembling our Baltimore orioles,
only shriller, with little variation.
Australia has the piping crow, which
is more of a shrilie than true crow.
His song is rich and varied, the notes
resembling a flute. He can be taught
to speak and initiate many birds as
we'll
From Africa are shipped large num-
bers of little birds to this country called
African singing finches. The plumage
ID UduuSOi1e, anu OUCH very Oiu. lucy
lack voice. only one, the strawberry
finch, having a song of any power.
They are cunning, however, and pretty
to have in an aviary. A gentleman in
New York has cage containing some
thirty-five varieties of small birds. and
among them many African finches As
one of the canaries sings small finch
will fly to his side, and, placing his
head against the singers breast, listen
closely until the canary drives him
away.
A weaver bird with a thick red bill,
in this same happy family, will take all
the threads given him and weave a
close network down the side of the
cage and out on the perches. His owner
says that il he would give him enough
material the bird would weave until
he shut out the daylight.-Philadel-
phia Times.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
THE CHEF SURPRISED HIM.

Discoveries Made by a Diner in the
Kitchen of "A French Restaurant.
A man who prides himself upon his
knowledge of cookery complained the
other night of dish that was served
to him in his favorite restaurant. The
French waiter summoned the French
proprietor. and the latter offered to
make the dish SO that it would satisfy.
The gentleman waited half an hour
while the second experiment was
made, but the result was no more sat
isfactOry than the first. There was
vast amount of apologizing and shout
der Struggling on the part of proprie-
tor and waiter, but neither seemed
able to comprehend the cause of the
patrons dissatis faction. Two friends
of the kicker smiled at his discomfit-
ure, and made unpleasant illusions to
his inability to get what he demanded.
They also suggested that the failure
was due to him rather than 10 the res
taurant, That made him determined
to prove the correctness of his posi-
ton.
Let me see the chef" he said to the
proprietor, land will show him how
to make this properly"
The proprietor apologized for being
unable to produce the chef. explaining
that he was SO busy in the kitchen
that he could not leave.
"Well, then. will GO to him." said
the gentleman, and jumping up from
the table he rushed down the stairs
leading to the kitchen.
started at this, and jabbered at each
other furiously. The former was evil
IDENTIFY scolding and the latter protest
ing. Both appeared in danger of dis
locating their shoulders Finally the
proprietor walked away, looking very
much annoyed. The waiter stood aside
with a scared look on his face. Pres
emily the gentleman reappeared and
resumed his seat at the table. He
looked very solemn, but there was a
twinkle in his eyes. The waiter
watched him furtively, but moth
ing was said until one of
the other diners, who recognized
that the walters presence was ex-
erting a restraining influence on his
friend, dispatched him in search of
some pickles. luen the kicker leaned
back in his chair and laughed deeply
yut silently.
This is the best joke ever perpe-
trated on a gullible public" he said.
"Iou know how much our genial host
and his talllative waiter have said
about their fine chef and you know
how often they have insist ID that no
one but Frenchman could cook any
thing decently. Well, you should see
their grand chef. / almost fell into
the fire when was introduced by the
chief sculhion. In the first place the
chef wears skirts. and in the second is
the pOssessor of as fine a brogue as
ever went out of county Cork. Think
of it, the chef of one of the best
known French restaurants of the great
American metropolis is an Irish wonl-
an! But I'll tell you she grasped my
idea about the cooking of this dish inn
mediate V, and we'll have it in first
class shape in a jiffy."
The Pre- iiction was verified. N. Y.
sun.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
Canine Labor in Belgium.

In this country the dog is really, In
nine cases out of ten, the master of the
man. In Belgium, however, his status
is very different. One of the first
things that impresses the stranger in
Brussels is the immense number of
dogs employed In drawing barrows and
small carts about the streets. In the
capital alone over ten thousand dogs
are so engaged, and the number of
draught dogs in tho whole country Is
probably not less than fifty thousand.
Generations of servitude have made the
Belgian dog race apart. For his size
he is said to possess the greatest pull
ing power of any animal, four times his
own weight being considered a load
well within his powers. Taking his
average weight as half a hundred
weight, this means that something like
five thousand tons are daily dragged
about by canine labor in Belgium.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

"What are you so much worried
about the future of the country for. 5"
asked Mr.. Smiggles. Haven't you got
enough to bother you right here at
homer
Yes. john" she answered. "but |
thought that after our twenty-five
years of married life it was about time
for ne to take my turn at saving the
country. while you did some of the
speculation on where the kindling and
grocery money was coming FROM
Washington Star.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
HUNGRY FOR OFFICES.
Thousands of Patriots Willing to
Work for Unc,e Sam.
Why 1t Does Not Pay to Hold Diplomatic
Appolntments-Un states Treats
Its Foreign Representatives
Very Shabbiiy.
Especial Washington letter.


There is undoubtedly growing nmbi-
ton in this country for appointments To
government offices. The civil service
commission files are full of applica-
tions, and there are upwards of twenty
persons who pass rigid examinations
Tor these places for every official posi-
ton within the classified list. In spite
of the law upon the subject the various
candidates file recommendations from
the politicians who are great men in
their own counties, but who are I'M
known ia Washington and of no con-
sequence in the eyes of the department
functionaries who have the bestowal of
favors.
The positions which are filled by the
president are comparatively few. His
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
Rosd-MakInC In Politics

The good-road question has been car
ried into politics in several states this
year. Farmers and wheelmen, eques-
trian sand pedestrians, the people who
drive carts, those who ride in carriages
and such as go afoot are all interested
in it. We favor the employment of
convicts in road improvement, partial
" adopted in this state this year at the
suggestion of Gov. Flower.-Rochester
IN. " Landscape Architect.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
An Evidence OF Civilization.

Roads are at once a means and an
evidence of civilization. The remains
of the Roman highways testify of their
advancement and show how they car
ried Roman ideas TO the utmost bounds
of the empire. There is nothing our
people more need than to mend their
ways" nothing for which they would
more willingly be taxed.--Eev. Philip
L. jones, American Baptist Publica-
ton Society, Philadelphia Pa.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

"Hsre is some angel food i made
myself" she said.
lie paled.
Thank you, darling" he faltered,
and p2rtook.
That night the painter dreamed,
whereat he rose and in feverish haste
painted an art poster which brought
him seven hundred and fifty-six del
lars
Thea he kissed his wife feadly.
called her a brave little woman end
wondered what he would do without
hes. Detroit Grlbane
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

Papa said Jennie. climbing upon
her fathers knee, don't sou think
that stead o. ten cents week you
could give me fifteen?"
well. don't know. my dear" was
the answer. What do you want %
the extra five cents?"
~ theaght nv dollie was ola enough
30 have & 'iawance. and ! wan ~ Give
u TO her. "-HaFpegs Round Table,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

frequently treated with entire neglect
Old, overgrown bushes, which have
grown into a mass of brush, should be
thinned and oti stunted wood pruned
out, and enrichIng and mellow cuitiva-
ton given. Or, often still better, the
whole bush may be taken up, divided
and replanted. The great point is to
give rich, mellow and continued culti-
walton. The annexed figure represents
the exact measured size of the common
red QUARANTINE small bunch from a
neglected bush. and the larger from
one well cultivated and pruned -
Country Gentleman.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
IN. ssronre,t Men Grow weak

Sometimes. The short cut to renewed
vigor is taken by those sensible enough 70
use Hostetter's Stomach Bitters system
atically. Ii re-establishes impaired diges-
ton, enables the system 20 assimilate food,
and combines the qualities of q fine medic
inal stimuant with those of a sovereign
preventive remedy. Malaria, dyspepsia
constipation, rheumatic, nervous and b.dney
complaints are cured and ayeEted by il.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

"At last 1 understand sighed Mr..
Homefat, YEARLY, ash he put a Stat in
the bedstead and sawstl>at it didn't fit.
Understand " hats" said his wife,
ham1nering the tack Sato the carpet.
AT last answered SIR. Homehat, 81
understand the rue force of tina.
phrase, "a moving scene.'"-Chicago
Raaord
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
FARM AND GARDEN.
FOR WATERING COWS.
A Trough which Is Almost Certain I
Give Satisfaction.

A Trough Which Is Almost Certain to
Give Satisfaction.
Referring to recent inquiry, / would
say that familiarity with all or near
ly all the devices in use for watering
animals in their stables leads me to a
belief in the efficiency of only one
that is, when we take into considera-
tion the time of an attendant, and the
fact that in this case the COW can help
herself when she feels so inclined, So
that at no time in the "a hours is she
so gorged full of cold water that the
hair refuses TO settle down for hours.
/ will take for granted that there is a
low partition of boards in front of the
cows to keep the fodder from being
pushed and nosed out of reach. Even
with the top of such partition, long
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
Ihn lanai 1eanlng.

Papa" said Besny Bloobumper.
what do you mean \ hen You say that
Mr.. Gazzam is a msn OF sound judg,
me4t?"
- mean, Benny replied Mr., Rloo-
hupsper, frankly, '-.at ar, Gaesan's
opiaieH generally egltgldes wilh,DAei !
szsedYe,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

Beecham's pills are for bilious
ness, bilious headache, dyspepsia,
heartburn, torpid liver, dizziness,
sick headache, bad taste in the
mouth, coated tongue, loss of
appetite, sallow skin, ETC., when
caused by constipation and con-
Stipation is the most frequent
cause of all of them.
Go by the book. Pills Ioc and 25c
box. Book FREE at your druggists or
write B. r. Allen Co., 365 Canal Street,
New York.
Annual sales more than 6 900 900 boxes.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
Don't 1,sacco Spit or smoke Your Life

Is the truthful, startling title Of a book
about No-To-Bac, the harmless, guaranteed
nerves, eliminates the nicotine poison, makes
weak men gain strength, yigor and man
hood. You run no physical or financial
risk, as NO-To-Bac is sold by Druggists
everywhere, under guarantee TO cure or
money refunded. Book free. Ad. Sterling
Remedy Co, New York or Chicago.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
KNOWLEDGE

Brings comfort and improvement and
tends to personal enjoyment when
rightly used. The many, who live bet
ter than others and enjoy life more, with
less expenditure, by more promptly
adapting the worlds best products TO
the needs of physical being, will attest
the value to health of the pure liquid
laxative principles embraced in the
remedy, Syrup of Figs.
Its excellence is due to its presenting
in the form most acceptable and pleas
ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly
beneficial properties of perfect lax
alive; effectually cleansing the system,
dispelling colds, headaches and fevers
and permanently curing constipation.
1t has given satisfaction to millions and
met with the approval of the medical
profession, because it acts on the Kid
neys, Liver and Bowels without weak
ening them and it is perfectly free from
every Objectionable substance.
Syrup of Figs is for sale by all drug
gists in SOC and 81 bottles, but it is man
ufactured by the California Fig Syrup
Co. only, whose name is printed on every
package, also the lame, Syrup of Figs,
and being well informed, you will not
accept any substitute if offered.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
In 1920.

Mrs New Woman-Be calm, my dear;
think there's woman under the bed!
Mr., New Woman-0h, Maria, do be
careful II yon shoot her, try not to
haFF ieF sssE HiaehI BFe9hlgH Ess'e'
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

can go to Corea. I'm going to bed. II
our child wakes up kiss him for me
and tell him his father will always
love and cherish him. but that he had
a dignity to maintain and was driven
To maintain il at the sacrifice of his
home and happiness Free
Press
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
P.rplexlng Problem.

"who is going to the best man at
your wedding?" ask III Hicks of Gar
raway, who is shortly to marry a new
woman"
Il don't know" said GarraWay, sadly.
Miss Strongmind aid l have not set
tied yet which of Is is to have that
honor. n-Harper's Bazaar.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
A War In,IhmnItY.

Mrs. Brown-I haze just had a ter
rible quarrel with mH husband.
Mrs. Jones-Well,l II don't see what
there is in that to snake you look SO
happy.
Mrs. Brown-Thert is a twenty-dol-
lar hat in it when he fonciudes 30 apoi-
ogizel-Puclx
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

FIRsT AMERIcAN-''So you got divorce
from the dulkel Any alimonyW Second
American-'No; rebate."-Puck.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13
MR.. AND MRS. BOWSER.

r. AND MRS.
BOWSER had
finished dinner
and were seated
in the back par
Tor when Mr..
30 ser laid
aside the paper
he had been
CHANGING over.
"Pitkins was
in the Office this
afternoon and
the change in
him is ; o m e
thin z a IN a z
ing
"Y c s." r @
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

A NICE Single Harness for I.75. A good
Doubla Farm Harness for sl5i2. What do
you think of such priest Write for cuts
and price list.
The Estes & Wood Co, st. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

"SoME folks" said Uncle Eben, sam so
skyaht OBJ dom dab wuhk on'y haf way dat
dey inwari'bly draps hit right at de begin.
min. wv ashington Star.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

VENERABLE 10 me is the hard hand
crooked, coarse-wherein, notwithstanding.
les a cunning virtue, indispen SADLY royal
as of the soepter of the planet.-Carlyle.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

CAN recommend Piso's Cure for Con-
sumption to sufferers from Asthma.-E. ID.
TOWNSEND, Ft. Howard, Wis, May 4, '94.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

MANMA-"Here is an English cousin,
dear whom You have never SEEM Little
Girl whispering --'Shall have 10 speak
English TO him, mammari - Harper's
RaTar
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

SAY, if you use patent medicines we can
save you from ten TO twenty per cent. os
them. Write us.
The Estes & Wood Co, ST. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

An entire life OF solitude contradicts the
purpose OF cur being, since death itself is
scarcely an idea of more terror.-Burke.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

MUTTON that finds the greatest favor
q pot ogerfat mutton, but mutton
that Il reasonably lean end JUICY,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

THOSE who for the first time are to become
mothers should use Mothers Frier " Much
suffering will be saved. Sold by druggists.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

"THERE is one objection TO your flannel
cakes, Mrs. Small" said the star 6oarder
"What is that, Mr.. HunkerFi They may
be all wool, but they are not yard wide"
Browning, King & Co. IS Monthly.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1895-06-13

THE oath that f. lis from the profane
mans lips becomes dagger in someb 0dy's
breast.-Ram's Horn.