The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-11-03
ALL coURTING BY PROXY.
SUCH II THE INVARIABLE SOCIAL
LAW ~ JAPAN.
Cupid Is Not in the Game, Bat the
Proxy Assumes Vast RespOnsibiii-
ties-The Etiquette of Weddings.
The Divorce Law.
From the Chicago Record.


! When young man wants TO set mar
/ ried in Japan he does not offer his heart
and hand to the girl he loves, but, if an
arrangement has not already been made
I for him by his parents with the daughter
/ % a neighbor. ne goes to a discreet and
/ trusted friend who is already married, and
I asks that he and his wife act as mako
I dos or gO-betweens for him in this i'm
/ portant matter 1t is the most delicate
/ duty one friend can perform for another;
! it is the highest Of compliments to ask it,
/ as it is naturally am evidence Of COM
/ plete confidence, and the gentleman and
/ lady who undertake 81 assume response
/ biities that few people in America would
] care TO accept They not only agree to
/ find a suitable partner FOR the aspirant for
/ matrimonial honors. but remain through
/ life in the relation OF godfather and god
mother to the young couple. They are ex-
/ pected to assist them il they get into diff
/ fculty or suffer misfortune, to promote
/ their prosperity and happiness in all ways
\ possible, and serve as a board Of arbitra-
/ ton TO settl disputes that may arise in
/ the family.
/ But this responsibility is not dreaded in
Japan as much as would be supposed. Peo-
/ pie are used 10 it, and nearly every gen
| tleman and lady Of acknowledged distinc-
| ton have at least one, and sometimes sew
/ eral, couples under their care.
AS a rule in the upper circles of society,
/ marriages between the sons ana daugh-
| tiers of friendly families are arranged by
/ the parents when the children are very
/ young, and boy or glrl often know whom
/ they are going to marry long before they
/ are old enough to understand the nature
Z of that relation. But they are not allowed
/ to associate with each other. From in
/ fancy girls are taught that they are in
| ferior to their brothers, and must treat
them with respect accordingly. a boy
! can call his sister by "A pet name, but she
| cannot show the same familiarity toward
| him. He is "Ani-san,' which literally
means Mr.. Brother" and his authority
cannot be disputed in their play. Usually
/ the boys OF the family take their meals
/ with their rather, and their mother and
sisters wait upon them, accepting what
I food is LETT by the superior beings without
a murmur. In this way the spirit of obedi-
ence to mankind is instilled into the mind
OF womanhood. COnfucius taught that
| children of years should be separated,
but the Japanese are little more liberal
/ than the Chinese in this respect, and
boys and girls play together until they
are 10 or II years of age. After that
their association is forbidden
Nor is there any opportunity for boy
| to become acquainted with the girls of
his fathers set. Therefore counting is
| impossible, and the children of families
whose houses may adjoin grow up as
| strangers to each other This rule APP
plies equally to the nearest relations.
! There can be no friendship between young
men and women. II is disreputable for
Japanese young man to marry for love.
/ There is no such thing as love between
| the sexes before marriage, and there is
/ no word to define such affection in the
| Japanese language. When young man
and young woman love each other pub
lie sentiment places them very low in the
scale of morals
The social laws of Japan require that
man shall marry at the age Of Is or IS,
/ and II is disgrace for a man or woman
| to remain single after they are 20 or p.
| As consequence, there are very few
/ bachelors or old maids.
But young man usually has an oppor-
/ tuntty to inspect the girl that is selected
| by his parents or his nakodos before an
| engagement Is decided upon, and IL either
/ Is dissatisfied with the appearance of the
! other, the arrangement may be declared
OF. This meeting is called a "mi-yai,"
which means literally mutual seeing"
According to etiquette, ths inc. vi wv may
/ take place at the residence of the nakodos
| or al the house of the young lady S IA
! ther; but among the lower classes a pic
mic or theater party, boat ride or an eX-
| oursion OF some sort serves the purpose
! If the visit takes place at the house of
! the young lady's father, the young man
| and his nakodo are received by the host
| and salute each other with great polite
| ness. A servant brings a pot of tea and
| materials for smoking, over which the
| three gentlemen discuss politics, business
| matters, the condition of the rice mar
| ket, the news from China, or any other
| Indifferent subject for awhile Then the
! host Will clap his hands, and the young
| lady in interest herself appears, dressed in
| her prettiest kmino and obi and bearing
| tray containing three cups and a pot of
| tea. These she places upon the mat in
| front of the guests and proceeds to serve
| the beverage and SWeetmeats which her
mother or servant brings after her. Girls
| are trained TO perform this duty with the
| greatest degree of grace, for tea pouring
! is regarded as the highest accomplishment
a Japanese woman, can acquire. and this
a i'm
| portance. She is not to speak unless she
| is spoken to, and the responsibility cf be-
| ginning a conversation with her rests
| upon the nakodo. If he is a gentleman
! of tact he introduces some subject or
! asks some question that is calculated to
| bring out whatever conversational powers
! the young lady may possess, and in the
mean time she sits upon her heels and en-
deavors to be as charming as possible.
! The young man may engage in the con-
versaton, but it is not good form for him
| to address his remarks to her. He may
speak to her father or her mother but
| he usually remains entirely silent during
| the ordeal. If the "mi-yai' happens to be
an excursion or theater party the same
rule is observed. He may look as much
as he les, but it is bad manners for him
| tention.
After the mi-yal is over the young man
and his nakodo retire for consultation.
| He thinks the matter over, and if he de-
cides that the candidate is acceptable his
gifts. Sometimes it contains silks and
other fabrics, ornaments or jewelry, dec
Orative works Of art, and among the COM
mon people, fish, seaweed and other forms
of food. Then the brides parents send
presents in return, which is equivalent
to an engagement, and an early day is
selected for the wedding. If the young
lady should happen to object, which is
not often the case, as she is guided entire
~ by the wishes of her parents in this
and all other matters. the nakodo is no.
titled before an opportunity to send pres
ents is given.
When the day for the wedding is select
ed the trOusseau of the bride and several
articles of household furniture are sent
to her husbands home, and they are usu-
ally exhibited to the friends of the family
beforehand. The wedding gown is always
pure white, and the bridegroom is dyessed
in 'kamishimo'- peculiar dress made
of various kinds of silk in colors accord
ing to his rank.
The wedding ceremony takes place az
the house of the bridegroom's parents,
and friends Of both families are invited
to he present. The bride is escorted there
| at nightfall by her parents and other men,
bers of her family and the nakodos. fol-
lowed by servants bearing gifts to the fam
lily Of the bridegroom. II was formerly
a custom to light a bonfire in front of the
gate of her paternal home and lift her
/ This