Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-07-18
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Curious and LaughabIe Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por-
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun.
Sprink1eS OF Spice.

Sprink1es OF Spice.
In languid summer when each tree
In lazy cadence rustles,
The blithe mosquito seems to be
The only thing that hustles.
Washington Star.
The teacher-"Now, who can tell me
which travels the faster-heat or cold?'
Johnnie Bright promptly Heat, Of
course. Anybody can catch cold
Tid-Bits.
Judge-"You say you have some
means of subsistence?' Tramp-"Yes,
you honor" Judge-''Then why is it
not visible?" Tramp--"I ate THAR
lem Life.
Miss Parique-"In New York do the
prominent social lights smoker" Miss
Caustique-"Yes, particularly after
they have been turned down."-New
York World.
Briggs-"You say the phrenologist
who examined your head wasn't very
complimentary? Hardly. He told
me l was fitted to be a leader in So
ciety."-Life.
LII SOihS hOW, yes, LII SolAS, 81
ing murmured Steigher. what an
excellent auctioneer you'd make" said
the heartless but tired Miss Nycegerl.
Boston Courier.
Tramp-"Do you know what it is,
sir, to be Stunned by all; to not have
the grasp of single friendly hand?"
Stranger-''Indeed, do I'm life in
surance gent."-Judge.
First Carpenter-'I can't see what
you are driving att Second Carpenter
(howling with pain)-"Well, / can nowi
I was driving at the nail, but hit my
thumb. Boston Courier.
Smallwort-"W have to hunt up
another cook. Our latest one left yes
terday." Ford-"Did she basely desert
you for gold?' mo. Copper. Pitts !.
burg Chronicle Telegraph.
First cycler mearing a road-house)-
Do you suppose we can get anything to
drink there? Second cycler- look
at the enormous aggregation of wheels
in the carria ge shed.-Life.
Principal Ito new apprentice)-"Has
the book-keeper told you what you
have to do in the afternoon" Youth
Yes, sir; was to waken him when
saw you coming. "-Daheim.
Stoutla lady, atstreet crossing Ito police
man)-''Could you see me across the
street. Officer?' Policeman-"Sure,
madam, l could see We tin times the
distance, aisy. London Tid-Bits.
Walk O. Nights-Doctor, what is a
simple remedy for sleeplessness? Doc
tor-Let the person count Until he is
asleep. Walk O. Nights-He can't count
It's the baby.-Philadelph Inquirer
ooh, yes, my husband has been col
lector of curios and such things for
number of years" 'Was he in that
business when he married your" Eyes,
indeed Il thought so.''-Atlanta Con-
stitutiOn.
Baker got into a rumpus with a po<
liceman the other night said Pink
ney. ''He offered to bet the policeman
he didn't dare arrest him." what did
the copper do?'' ''Took him up"-Har-
per's Bazaar.
What was the principal object of in.
terest in America when you were
thereY' The eminent British novelist
looked at his questioner with chilling
scorn and replied II was, of course
Washington Star.
"BegOb," said Mrs. Dolan, ''that by
Pat Of ours'll soon be KNOWN more
than his father does" "Oill niver moind
thot" replied Dolan, eff he'll go ahead
an L Iv
thinkin' he does. Washington Star
"You made a slight mistake in my
poem this morning." said the poet.
sorry replied the editor. "Wnat was
it?:' "Well, l wrote The clouds hang
murky DER the west and you make me
say The crowds hang turkey over my
desk "-EXchange
Upguardson-I had a singular expert
ence last Tuesday. You remember it
looked like rain and the weather proph-
cts predicted rain? Atom-Yes. "Well,
l brought my umbrella, raincoat and
rubber shoes dow town that morning."
Eyes" "Well, it rained.'-Chicago
Tribune.
Il have come to ask for your daugh-
ter's hand, Mr.. Herrick," said young
Waller nervously. ooh, we'll, you can't
have it," said Herrick, "I'm not doing
out my daughter on the installment
plan. When you feel that you can sup
port the whole girl, you may call again.
-Harper's Bazaar.
Friend Perrichon, accompanied by his
wife, took trip to the outskirts of
Paris Very tired and hungry, they
entered an eating house The proprie-
tor declared that he had nothing but
chop to offer them. "Only onev' ex-
claimed Perrichon; "then what is my
wife to have PIE GauloiS