Birmingham age-herald., 1895-09-29

but death or a mortal illness should ex- cuSc q failure to call personally within five days after accepting an invitation to dine and according to the strict rules governing such matters, a week is the ex- tremc limit you may allow to pass with out calling after any social function to which you have been asked. In France the ''visite de digestion" as it is termed, positively must be made. within three days.
 It has been said that in New York this rule, like many another, is more honored in the breach than the observance but 1 have not found it so. On the contrary, fashionable women in Gotham are the powers socially and know 1t. They do not expect quid pro quo except as they are willing to consider the ScrupulouS and unvarying courtesy and deference of those for whom they do so much, social equivalent. They very properly insist upon the observance of every social law and no man defies the ethics of good so- cicty and escapes unscathed.
 Cards of Sympathy.
 Elderly persons young mothers and literary Or professional women are ex- empted from many social obligations ex- acted from others. People in mourning should use a black -bordered card and are not expected to pay visits for several months after their bereavement. It is de rigcour for friends to leave cards for those in afflicton and to leave them in person with an inquiry at the door for the health of the family, but without asking for admittance. It is also GUS tomary to call or at least to send cards on the announcement of betrothal or after marriage, or upon the receipt of marriage announcement. These cards should. If mailed, be addressed to the brides mother.
 When and How to Uuse Them.
 Some years ago it was the fashion to turn and crease cards in a most unsight- ly fashion. The turning down of the right end indicated that one had called in person; turning down of the right upper corner tha the card had beenleft for more than one person, the doubling up of the card that one called upon the whole fam fly, and the bending over of the left end something else, l cannot for my life re- member what Happily the fashion is obsolete; 1t was not only sloveny, but most confusing one. The custom of to- day differs radically from that of even ten years ago as to the presentation of cards where lady is at home. It is now considered incorrect to leave a card when the lady is called upon at home. The servant announces the guest; when her ladyship is out you leave your card
 Cards are not used at fashionable func- tions, teas, receptions, etc, except to furnish the footman with ones name. Guests are always announced, custom which saves much confusion and is in every way to be commended. With the announcement of the guest the old and disheartening spectacle of invitees hunt ing high and low for the host and hostess to greet them, has passed away
 Receiving or Not.
 It is no longer proper to ask servant if Mrs Brown is at home. You should inquire if Mrs. Brown is receiving; II she
 r Gordon asks if he can see her. You offer no card. In case the servant re- niles that Mrs. Brown is not receiving you leave your card.
 The custom of setting apart one day in the week for receiving ones friends has, like most fashions. its advantages and drawbacks. It Is delightful to Know a charming woman will certainly be at home a given day and we may call, but to the hostess the al home day often De- comes a good deal of bugbear and rate usually arranges many delightful oppor- tunities for pleasure which fall upon ihe Wednesday or Friday of ones reception days and must be heroically declined. No woman is so secure in the favor or her friends as to successfully defy her self made obligation to remain "at home" at a given hour and day. Unless you have strength of mind enough to resist the temptation sure to come, you would far better determine not to bind yourself to a reception day.
 It is customary and quite correct for persons who are temporarily staying in any large city to send their cards with address upon them to any friend they may have in the city. Married ladies send such cards to men of their ac- auaintance. Chaperones usually send cards and formal note to gentlemen whom they know are desirable acQuaint- ances of the fair and silent young girl tA., preference. The chaperon may write a little note after this fashion:
 Dear MT. Livingstone:
 am in town for a month. Miss Dray- ton Is with me and we should be glad to see you, during our stay. We are stop ping at the Waldorf, and usually take tea about D. Sincerely your,
 ssHenrietta Rathbone Schuyler. June the 11th.
 Invitations for a social function from a new acquaintance require immediate recognition. It is customary not only to respond formally to the invitation but also to send visiting cards in separate en- velopes to the hostess. If several mem- bers of one family have been invited each must send his card separately. Occasionally a much pressed woman finds herself in arrears to many people In the matter of ceremonious visits and discovers her delinquencies only when she is making up her list for ball or fete. In such cases she may enclose her visit ing card. It Is simply an acknowledge ment of her indebtedness and passes cur rent for the visit which social duties and time have prevented her making. When one wishes to invite strangers, | people who have recently come to live in | the same city or guests of friends, a hostess may. if really pushed to the last extremity, enclose her card with invita- i lions. It is, however, far more polite to | call in person.
 l Hours for Calling.
 | The hours for formal calling have l changed very much within the past