The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1895-06-20
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

TON1ENi TAn61 nATT1Ss
They say that miser Mendle is sick.
What is the trouble?" "Remorse. He
gave tramp counterfeit dollar, and
the fellow passed it at his store. liar
per's Bazaar.
New Boarder-"What's the row ur-
stairs?' Landlady-"It's the professor
of hypnotism trying to get his wife's
permission to go out this evening"
Spare Moments.
Don't you think the baby looks
like me, dear?" asked the proud father.
''Y-e-e-s," replied the mother cautious
ly, when it's getting ready to cry
Washington Star.
-Sunday-School Teacher Seeking to
impress the necessity of faith And
what was the one thing Jonah needed
to make him safe?' Bright Scholar
1.-The earth. Harlem Life.
-Dollie - Eyes; Miss Feathers is
pretty girl, but she doesn't wear very
we'll" Polite (kindly)-"I know, but
the poor thing wears the best she has,
l suppose. Boston Courier.
"A Contradiction.-"You say the hen
lis not song bird, do you?" That's
what l say, sir" Then please tell me
what bird is more noted for her lay, if
you can. Detroit Free Press.
"A Useful Precaution. -A-"Why do
you always prefix the word dictated
to your letters? l see you don't keep a
! correspondent. B.-"No, but l am
, rather deficient in spelling. "-Feiera-
Mrs. Fogg-''Only think of it! they
do say that Mr.. Figg was seen playing
whist last Sunday Isn't it awful"
Mr.. Fogg-"But then you must remem-
Der that Figg plays so poorly. 'tBos-
ton Transcript.
Perdita-"If you continue much
longer to play poker with my father I
won't marry you" Jack Dashing-''If
your father continues to play poker
much longer with me l won't need to-"
Princeton Tiger.
-She-"What made you so late COM
ing home night before last?" He -
"Humph! You have been long time
remembering to ask me" Yes; 1
thought would give you time enough
to get up good excuse. indianapolis
Journal
"A Bismarck schoolma am who had
been telling the story of David, ended
it with: And all this happened over
three thousand years ago" A little
cherub his blue eyes wide open with
wonder, said, after moments thought:
"Oh, my, what memory you've got "
-Machias Union.
-Hobles-"My stenographer is in
valuable. l couldn't get along without
one" Neilly-"But you don't have
enough correspondence to keep a stem
ographer busy Hobbies II know;
but do you suppose I'm going to let
the men with whom do business know
that?'-Chicago Record.
Witness" said lawyer in the
police court the other day, you speak
of Mr.. Smith being well off. Is he
worth IS, ooo?" mo, sab" Two
thousand?" mo, sab; he hain't wort
twenty-five cents" Then how is he
well off?'' Got a wife, sab, who
sports de hull family, sah!-Yonkers
Blade.
Keeping Up Appearances, My
dear baron, what are you doing?
Smoking two cigars at one and the
same time?" We'll, you see, my dear
fellow, in this beastly hole you can't
get any sixpenny cigars such as | am
in the habit of smoking, and SO have
to make shift with couple of three
penny ones. "-Deutsche Warte.
-Judge-''Do you mean to say, sir,
that you prosecute this man for theft,
when you have no better evidence of
his guilt than that he had ten dollars
on his person." Attorney sir. ~
Judge-"How dare you ask convic-
ton on such evidence?" Attorney
The man is poet, your honor. Chi
cago Tribune.
Lady Cushion always so agreea-
ble)-"And the magnificent pictures
you had here last year-have you got
them all still?" Mr.. Flake Whyte
(sadly)-fYes; have them all" Lady
Gushton-"How very nice! 1t is SO
hard to- part with ones own pictures,
is it .not?" Mr.. Flake Whyte with
much feeling) - "Awfully, awfully
hard Sometimes le."-Boston
! Budget