The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1895-08-02
TRUE BE GOSH.
Amusing Experience of Two
Hunterdon Farmers With
Their Almanacs.
ADVANTAGES OF A WET CALENDAR
Jed Thompson Responsible for the
Remarkable Result--Patching
Up the Quarrel.
ADVANTAGES OF A WET CALENDAR
From he Trenton Estate Gazette.n

Old Jed Thompson of Hunterdon county
was in Trenton yesterday. He is always
brimful of news. and knows a good item
when he sees one. When asked for the
news of his section, Jed said a mighty
good iten-"one 'at'ud hold water"-and
he gave 1t to the reporter as follows.
As Jed never strays from the truth when
he is sober, the facts narrated below may
be taken ais gospel:
About the first of the year. said Jed,
"a neighbor of mine. old Tom Shares,
and another neighbor, The. Turner, went
down to Lambertville on business. Twas
about the time that grocers and drug
gists give out their new ~almanacs, and
when Tom and The got home each OF
'em had an almanac for 1895.
Tom allus takes DIR. ~January's pills,
and swears by 'em, and The he always
takes DR.. F!ebruaryE. Il don't 'spose
you want to give 'em a free ad," said
jed. 80 I'll call 'em January and Feb
ruary.
well. each almanac had a man with
his bowels hanging out, on the first page,
like they all do, with crabs and scales
and twins and things surroundin' him.
and they both agreed on eclipses and
holidays and SO forth, but Toms almanac
said it was going to be a very dry sea-
SON and The's said it was goin' to be
wet. Toms allowed twas go.n' to be
mighty hard on CROWN crops, and The's
said nothin' 'ud suffer for lack of
moister.
AN UNBELIEVING THOMAS.
"Wel. the next Sunday after the trip
to Lambertville. Tom went over to The's
house and got to talkin' about crops and
things. and The let out sumpin' about
goin' to ave a wet season.
WHO says SOP demanded Tom.
"'Why. I read it in DR.. February's
almanac says The.
st don't believe a dasted word of it.,
says Tom.
well I don't care a durn whether
you do or not says The, gittin' ratified.
Look a'here. man alive says Tom,
in a propitiative may. T've taken DR..
January's pills fer the last ten years,
and I never knew 'em to fail; my daugh-
ter has used his hair stuff, and where's
a gal got prettier hair? 1 tell you what
he says goes with me, and you kin bet
your bottom dollar we're goin' to have a
dry Summer
las / said afore,' says The, I don't
care a durn whether you b'lieve it or
not. I've been a gittin' DR.. February's
almanac for the last three year, and I
don't know how he does it it's mystery
to me-but he haint failed in that time
to hit the nail square on the head about
the weather. There's sumpin' about the
sun er the stars that them astronomy
sharps gifts out some how with their big
telescopes that regulates the weather.
"'Well. but don't you s'pose DR.. Jam
uary's got just as good astronomy sharps
working fer him as ever DR.. Febru-
ary's dare be?' says Tom.
well. to cut a long story short" said
Jed. t'those fellers got up quite a muss.
B'gosh. they didn't speak to one another
fer months.
FUNNY COINCIDENCE.
thine went on and the plantin' sea-
son came. The's farm's just across the
creek from Toms After they got their
crops in, by the funniest coincidence,
'cept the one I'm goin' to tell you about
all the thunder showers up to a few
weeks ago seemed to foller down on
The's side of the creek. Hardly a drop
felds on n.s Tens ,ndS side nio The,s , truck an and
very backward from the drouth.
well, Tom realized that sumpin' I'D
have to be done. He posts off to Lam
DeTCVllle aRIn TO GIT one OF Dr. FGD-
ruary's ~alnanacs. but they'd adj been
distributed and he couldn't find one in
the town. So he goes back home feelin'
blue:
Mind you. he hadn't. spoke to The
since the Sunday long about the first of
down fer Tom to speak fust, but he
seen The's fine fields. SO the ups and goes
right plumb to .The's house. Meetin' The
in the barnyard. he says:
sc sThn Ttxyn onrrn ntror 10 E&n1T wan 1sxyl
changed my mind on the almanac ques-
ton to a certain extent. I still think
DR.. January's almana is sure as DR..
~February's,. but hisn's a durn site the
"A VALUABLE ALMANAC.
"tAha! Didn't I tell you SOP says
.sThere was a long silence here" said
Jed. which was finally broke by. Tom.
'What'n you take fer yer almanac,
az should think it ought to be worth
$40 to a man in your fix said The, kind
would you b'lieve it?' said Jed, ..Tom
Whips out two flyers and hands 'em to
The and carries home DR.. February's
almanac in triumph;
NOW, the queerest thing about the
hull darn business is" said Jed, ''that
that very night the big thunder shower
and hailstorm of July 18th come up, that
Bergen county, and give Toms place a
good soakins withdut doin' laiin amy
harm. The next rnornin'he gifts out Mr.
,January's almanac and throws it in the
stove. He's had all the rain he wanted
ever since and his place has got to look
in fine. He wouldn't take $50 for that
almanac.
"When his liver gifts out of order now
DIR. February's pills fixes it up for him.
and his daughter's hair now owes its
gloss. not to the drouthy DR.. January,
but to DR.. February's hair tonic"
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