The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1895-04-11
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attended the patient are more inter-
ested in the old gentleman's pocket
than his good health. OF course they
do not want him to die, but they want
to keep him just sick enough to need
medical attendance, as his ,'eath
would be less profitable to them than
his life in misery. The cause of the
present sickness was laid many years
ago. The old gentleman had q serious
internal trouble which threatened his
life, and although he recovered and
was apparently as we'll as ever, yet
the seeds of his present sickness we're
sown in his constitution and have now
eliminated in his utter prostration.
At the time of which we speak there
was at the head of Uncle Sans fami-
ly gentleman whose memory is now
honored and revered by every right
thinking mind the world over. This
gentleman (Abraham Lincoln by
name), was greatly concerned about
the patients health, and called in the
best physicians of the time. These
physicians were of the old school who
believed in blood letting for all dis
eases, and they prescribed the gold
cure with 80 per cent of the patients
blood drawn. Now as the patient was
poor in pocket as we'll as in health, Mr..
Lincoln wrote to his friend Col. Dick
Taylor for his opinion. Mr.. Taylor adj
vised, instead of the gold cure, lib
eral paper plaster over the circulatory
regions and at once the patient began
to get better. The doctors seeing how
the patient rallied and that their trade
would soon be. at an end, managed to
induce some of the attendants or the
patient to put some gold cure on the
plaster, which they called Exception
clause" and as often as new plaster
was put on the patient few leeches
called "bonds" were put on him as
we'll. In spite Of these drawbacks the
old gentleman progressed towards
health and finally gained the robust
ness of youth. Instead of the credit
of the patients recovery being placed
where it belonged the financial doctors
thrust themselves to the front with
their claim, and a grateful family not
understanding financial matters very
we'll, voted them a testimonial called
"A credit Strengthening act" which
put $5OO,OOO,OOO into the doctors
pockets and took so much out of the
pockets of Uncle Sans family. About
this time certain financial doctors of
Europe, having been advised by the
family doctors, and having enjoyed
the liberality of Uncle Sam 's.family in
common with the family doctors, con-
ceived a plan whereby they might
greatly enrich themselves at the ex-
pense of the healthy old man this side
ofthe water. They had friend in
Uncle Sans family whose portrait
was hanging in the largest financial
doctors Office in Europe, and who
they knew could be depended on to
carry out the scheme. The scheme
was that under cover of revising the
financial materia medica and to cor
rect the disturbed state of the patients
circulation, to prevent the formation
of any more white corpuscles in the
liquor sanguines, which threw the old
gentleman's circulation out of balance.
The patient who had previously mani
tested symptoms of declining health,
was taken with violent vomiting and
other bad symptoms, and the family
were scared half to death, and the
memorable day has ever since been
known as black Friday. So evil was
the effect on the patient that he has
never fully recovered. During long
period of ailment following this sick
ness called resumption" he was con-
stantly bled both by lancet and leech-
es. The headship of the family has
been changed several times since the
first sickness mentioned, but the doc
tors were the same and the bleeding
has been going on the same, until now
it takes all that the family can pro-
duce to pay the interest on the doc
tor bills. Uncle Sam lies PROSTATE,
faint from loss of blood, his children
are in rags and tatters, many are half
starved and all this has been brought
about by lot of blood thirsty leeches.
The great Lincoln during his life, ut
tered many good things, but none