The record-union., 1895-10-05
QUEER PEOPLE.
Conscience Beecher and the New
Preacher.
The Dyspeptio Parson Was Able to
Get Along on Crackers
and Milk,

ing for her, while she had the rheumatlsn'
His neighbor, Jonas Littlefleld, sat lh
the shed doorway, nursing his knees, ana
the sage remark was addressed to him.
There's queer folks livin'!'
Jonas braced himself firmly against
the door frame sideWlse.
$50 there be Sc there be!' he assenteo.
zone of 'em lives over to the Cross
Roads, in the first story house
to the left. goin'. There's a little rim of
leftover whitewash under the caves, and
g creepin' Jenny over the front door,"
"Mis' Beecher's?" Jonas asked, re-
crossing his knees and rebracing himself.
Conscience Beecher's?" - she's the
ticket. She's the queer folks there
Know her?"
Not to say know her-jest speakin'
acquaintance, after meetin'. do knows
1 ever heard her first name before. nor
anybody else's first name like it,"
Conscience? Well, l guess tits little
mite odd, but it don't sound out o the
way to me. as l know OF. Pve known
Conscience Beecher ever since she went
to school with me an give me bites OF
her apple-cores. She's good woman,
but she's as queer as snoWstorm Fourth
o. July"
MI. Pettibone's spectacles slipped of
into the tub and he was Obliged TO nsn
for them some minutes. he always wore
his glasses when he did the washing,
though. as he wore them pushed up on
his forehead, the clothes could hardly be
said to profit materially by their pres
ence. The fecks of soapsuds on his
brown. bare arms looked oddly out OF
place. and the apron of bed ticking tied
round his neck looked even more so. lie
was q little man, round and red, ana the
top edge of the washboard, denting him
in the middle as it did, uncolnfortably in
terfered with his breathing. He spoke
with little puffs between his words. and
italicized pulls at the periods. Jonas
I Tittlefield watched him with lazy amuse-
ment. His wife never had the rheuma-
tism. he thanked his stars.
.'Yes. Conscience amt real common,
ava-v-day name," David said, adjusting
the wet spectacles and soaping a new
garment.
lips peculiar. Conscience's father was.
too That accounts for it. He named his
offsDrings out of his own head, an there
warn't anything common IN
Elnathan Elbridge's head !'
Jonas waited minute, then said, by
way of sociablllty:
II amt lived here long enough to have
ever heard tell about him."
mo? Then it's time l told ye. He
was turrible original thinkin' man.
Had five offsprings, an OF all the names
ha give 'em! There was Careful Ann
she was the oldest. She's dead. She
warn,t quite careful enough, an took
coId to camp meetin' an died oflt. Then
there was Peace n Plenty Elbrldge-she
married a Berrytown Plunket, an had
nine otfsprings-plenty of 'em, but l do
1fnow how peaceful they were! Con-
science come next Then Romulus and
ReInns last-the two twins. They were
the means of namin' the town O. Rome
over yonder!'
Tomas glanced upinquiringlys at David S
puffy chuckle. Jonas was not classical
scholar.
"Rome amt bad name" he remarked.
MONO, 'taint. It's pretty fair
name. But, as l was sayin', there's queer
folks liyin'. Conscience Beecher's one of
;em. | DO know but it's her name struck
in"
"How's she queer?"
David Pettibone wiped his hands on the
bedticking apron and went over and sat
down on the sawhorse.
"How's Conscience Beecher queer?
Well. she's a turrible poor, shiPless, un-
becomin' cum berer o the earth-'cordin
to her say. Her house amt much better
M a pig sly, an she cooks turrible victu-
ais"
Jonas froNDeu. never Aad no pa
tience with poor cookers" be said.
HPoor cookers. Conscience Beecher's
the best cook in this county. Pd like to
see anyb body lay out sightlier an tastier
meal o. yictuRls than she can! An her
kitchen foor's goods Iookin' glass. My
land o. gracious, Conscience Beecher's s
way ahead"
Thought you said she lived in a pig
uen, lest minute ago."
(asaV- CHI
where she's queer. She's one o. them
women that's always maxim excuses an
maxim excuses. She's wore herself all
ont maxim excuses-an' everybody else.
too, She'll invite the presidin' elder
over to supper, say. Well, he won't no
more than step inside the parlor be-
fore she'll begin. Pm dretful sorry the
bnnse hon looks Ike such fright she'll saw
lookin' mortified. It's dretful dusty and
fy-speckled. hope you won't look ss
things real clOst to-
David got up and rubbed himself and
sat down on one end OF the meal chest.
"a sawhorse IS a turrible unsatisfact-
ory seat" he said. explanatorily. Then
he resumed his story.
"W hen it comes along supper time.
she'll say, i hope you amt real hungry,
for amt got much of anything for you
to eat. do know yo's can relish any
thing at all. The biscuits is a turrible
iailure-I guess l got in too much SAHARA
tus.' AM if them biscuits amt lest
lights feather bed an Drowned TO
turn! 1t sets my mouth to waterin' to
think of 'em!
Then when she passes the sponge cak @
she says, real doleful: Will you try
some o this cakeP 1t amt success. an
l do, knows you can eat 1t. l had real
poor luck And so on infinitum. There
won't be single dish on that table iii to
eat
But Conscience got her come-uppance
once ~
David leaned back against the tub and
laughed in reminiscent enjoyment.
''She got her come-uppance that time
It WAS when the minister swopped with the
Berrytown parson. Conscience boarded
the new minister over Sunday. She
worked terrible hard gettin' up a mess o.
nice dishes to eat. We was invited over
Mis- Pettibone an me-to supper. Land
o gracious goodness me! That supper
table was groanin' an takin' on tit to
split with good viciualsi An every nam
able thing onto it was cooked just as per-
iecti You'd ought to have seen that
table. Jonas Littlefield ~
Jones caressed his stomach hungrily,
81 wisht | could have" he said.
ell, we set down an pretty soon
Conscience up and begins.
Pm mortified not 10 have nothin'
feilshaole to eat. Brother Peters, she
says, bat you'll have to excuse it. |
amt much of hand TO cook, Pm afraid.