Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1895-12-23
FACTS AND FANCIES.

FACTS AND FANC1ES.
Criticism.-The Financee-'But what
could I say when he said he knew he
was unworthy of me?" The Confdante
well, / wouldn't have contradlcted
him so early in the engagement. Puck.
CHRISTMAS SECRETS.
Curious bundles now we see
In their fullest glory;
All December seems to be
Just a mystery story.
Scene: A Street in Bradford.-(Mr.
Rosino de Belleville meets frlend)-
Friend-"I'se coomin' to see the ploy
act toneet, Jack, and Use goin' to pay
my BRASS" Jack-"You needn't pay; !.
Friend-"Nay, that wudna do! III pay
my brass. IT your friends won't pay to
see you-who will!'-Judy.
Tomorrow will be the first
Sunday of the year, and propose to
commence the new year by going to
church, Mrs. Jones-"You had better
take me with you" Jones-"What for?'
Mrs Jones-''You may need somebody to
Identify you.''-Truth.
She-'And you really attended the
Queens reception in London. The men,
I suppose, stand uncovered in the pres
ence of royalty?' eyes, but not to the
same extent as the women. Life.
"What do you consider the most prom
ising portion of Europe at the present
day?'' asked the young man with a COM
mercial turn of mind. And without a
moments hesitation the young woman
answered. Turkey" Washington Star
THE NEW WOMAN's HUSBAND.
He now finds joy where once were cares;
His troubled spirit calm IS;
These chilly nights he wakes and wears
Her boomers for pajamas.
A TURKISH INDUSTRY.
"Come sirrah," said the Sultan; make
New promises for me,
And plainly mark them fragile
And ship them G. 0. D.
The Critic She Feared.-Mrs. Newrlcn
Henry, you gave yourself away badly
at the dinner table tonight. Do you
know you were actually eating with your
knife?'' Mr.. Newrich-"No, was /,
though? | hope none of our guests no.
ticed it, Mrs. Newrich-"Oh, [ don't
care so much about them-but our Eng
fish butler did. Puck.
First Belligerent-"Dar amt word OBJ
troOf in what yo' says!'
Second Belligerent-"Do yo' mean to
say | lie?"
First Belligerent- "Dat's just what
meanv'
Second Belligerent (walking off,
'Well, why doan' yo' say SO right out?
I hates dis beatin' bout de bush!''-
Puck.
IN THE SWIM.
The city's full of highwaymen,
The tough is here sojourning,
And even in the fashion books
The ruff is now returning.
New York Herald
The Seven Ages.-First age-Sees the
earth. Second age-Wants it. Third
age-Tries to get it. Fourth age-Con-
cludes to take only large piece Of it.
Fifth age--Is still more moderate III his
demands. Sixth age-Decides to be sat
isfed with a very small section. Sew
enth age-Gets it.-Judge.
Mabel tail agitationj- Marie, what do
you think! Your brother actually pro-
posed to me during the sermon at church
this morning"
Marie MonchalantIy) "Oh, you
his sleep. '-Pick-Me- Up.
After the Wake.-O Rourke-"W
We hurried much by der crack Flanagan
give We wild his shtick?" McNally
proudly)-S'It takes a betther man than
Denny Flanagan to hurt me. Oh wor
only shtunned!"- Puck.
In her impotent rage her grace could
only scoWl at the duke, her husband.
This" she bitterly exclaimed, SIS
what a woman gets for buying what she
doesn't want just because it's cheap
Detroit Tribune.
Entirely on Paper.-''Have you heard
that there is to be another challenge for
the Americas cup?' mo. Who's going
build any yacht; they'll just enter her at
the postoffice as second-class natter
Puck.
"Now, if you don't give me your Chris
tan name, I'll fine you for contempt of
court "Mein gracious, | can't give
what don't vas got. I'm Heprewr'-
Truth.
The Allahabad Pioneer, the principal
journal of British India, and the one on
which Rudyard Kipling began his liter
airy career recently contained a para
situation wanted as snake-charmer in
respectable family. 2. $40 objection
to looking after the camel"
A PARALLEL CASE.
mo rose without it's thorn" quoth they
Who maxims love to make;
"NO Christmas tree they also say,
without the stomach ache"
Washington Star
Manchester-"I think Snaggs has con-
Guided that it is about time some of his
daughters were getting married"
Birmingham-"Didh he tell you so him
seIf?'
Misunderstanding; but he has given
cle-Telegraph.
Student hurriedly accosting a mate
of his "Sapperlot, there are a couple
of creditors close on my heels.
Fellow Student-"Quic run into the
savings bank over the way; nobody will
look for you there. '-Buntes Allerlei.
First College How did they
come to leave Van Tackle off the foot
ball team?'
Second College Maxwell, he hasn't
been attending to his work"
First College Man-"How is that?"
Second College Man-"Don't know,
exactly. l think he got interested in
chemistry or something of that kind
Puck.
An Old Sailors Housekeeping.
Capt. Cephas did not like a woman's
ways, especially her ways of attending
to domestic affairs. He liked to live in
sailor fashion and to keep house in sailor
fashion. In his establishment everything
was shipshape and everything which