The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1895-07-16
HAVEN MORNING COURIER TUESDAY,

posed this was a stomach trouble
Lowell Courier,
Some men," said Uncle Epen, "allus
acks overworked, because any business
at all am mo- dan dey kin ten to-
Washington star
AT a French Hotel,-"Tell him to clean
your boots, John-and mine, too" "All
right, Er-Garcong, nettoyez may bot,
81 VOC ,play-et aussee nah fam"-
Punch.
Another Situation,-"That man causes
me no end of annoyance over a. bill"
why don't you sue him and collect it?"
collect 1t? He's trying to do that
Chicago Record.
THAT woman dispenses great deal
OF social lemonade" What do you
mean?" simply that she is always
saying sour things in sweet way
Indianapolis Journal.
He was the village blacksmith,
And she kept chickens, out of pens;
He spent his time In shoeing horses,
And she In shooing hens.
Boston Courier.
Customer--I like that umbrella stand,
but don't think 1t is worth three dol
lars. Salesman--Why, madam, the very
first umbrella that Is left in 1t may be
worth more than that,-Puck.
Mistress--Bridget. didn't I hear the
| policeman kiss you last night? Bridget
Its loikely, mem. Oh tould him he'd
he aither distoorbin the neighbors, he's
that noisy.-Detroit Free Press.
He Needed a Change, -Patient-The
heat is so oppressive, doctor, I feel like
committing suicide. Doctor-oh, that
would never do. AS I said before, my
friend. what you need is a change
| Life
| Walk 0. Nights--Doctor, what Is a
simple remedy for sleeplessness? Doc
tor-Let the person count till he falls
asleep. Walk o. Nights--He can't
count. It's the baby.--Philadelphia In
quirer.
! She (poutingly)--Befor we were mar
ried you used to bring me candy every
time you came. He (biskly)--Yes, my
dear, and it cost good deal less than
| the meat and potatoes bring you now,
New York World
Ee--If you loved me why did you at
| first refuse me? She--I wanted to see
how you would act. He-But I might
have rushed off without waiting for an
explanation. She--I had the door lock-
| ed.--New York Weekly.
| Mrs. Lumkins- Joshua, am going to
! the dentists to have a tooth pulled out.
You mind the baby while I'm gone.
Mr.. L. with alacrity)-You mind the
baby Jennie; I'll go and get tooth
| nulled OFT --r1Nid- Rits
| Patient-How can I reduce my
weight? Doctor--You should have
something to do; something to keep
| your mind busy, to worry you even.
Patiently the way, you might send
your last months bill in.--Philadelphia
| Record,
Mrs Fogg-Them there was a man
| who recited a poem or something.
| couldn't for the life Of me make out
what, but he was tremendously applaud
ed. Mr.. ogg-Evidently one Of our
most talented elocutionists.-B
| Transcript.
Mrs. Hogsburg tfrom Chicago)-We
are kicking for "a new law out our way.
Mrs. Phil A. Del-what sort Of a law?
Mrs. Hogsburg-One that let's the
| pTGdCHSI ulNGElS bdIllc tiS LAG iildi ACS
! us. So that Wercan get round trip tick
| s--Philadelpfia Inquirer
| Willie, Mrs. Dawson tells me that
you behaved very nicely at luncheon at
her house yesterday. Why can't you
| do 1t when you're at homer" Because,
mamma, If behaved badly there, Mrs.
Dawson would send me home, but you
haven't any place to send me. .-Har-
| per's Bazaar.
| TITS a great pity" said the convicted
burglar to his lawyer, that you couldn't
| have made that closing speech of yours
at the opening Of the case 7 don't
see that it would have made amy dif-
| ference 1T would, though. Then the
| jury would have been asleep when the
| evidence came in and I'd have stood
| some shown ashington Star.
At midnight in his garden tent
The Turk was dreaming of the hour
| When Greece, her knee in suppliance
| bent
| Would tremble at his power.
| And in his dreams the foeman fell
| Before his blades fell stroke,
| And everything had come his way
| And then the baby woke
| Detroit Tribune.