The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1895-09-21
iS.-Truth

That proves how excellent the imitation
is.-Truth.
First Office Boy-Do you like your job =
Second Office Boy-Naw! The typewrit-
er is So; the bookkeeper's sore cause he
ment company took the head clerks BIZ
! cycle away from him last week cause
| he hadn't paid up on it, and the boss
won't let me whistle anywhere.-Somer-
! vile Journal.
MY wife is an expert in handling a RI
ne Put up coin for target and she'll
r6 + II Inc no Sfnfre every ny t Wfe rifles
pockets of all the coin in them and new
er misses a dime. Detroit Free Press
! last night.
Y!!2absJiey-what did you do? -,
wei, as he was three sizes bigger
| nal.
An Up-to-Date Answer
! Sunday School Teacher--And now,
/ in the tree?
James (promptIy)-'Cos his football hair
| got ketched in de limbs when he was
maxim rush fer safety.-Judge
BangerI should like to see my son
married.
Hoplins--But he has hardly arrived at
! years of discretion.
Banger-That's just it. By the time he
arrives at years of discretion he Will
probably object to get married at ALL
| Judge.
Miss Oldgirl (angling for COMPLIMENTS
| Oh, dear! When the wind blows my hair
| like this it makes me look homelier than
| ever.
Mr.. Newman (earnestly)-But L assure
| you it doesn't!
And he wondered where the cool
! breeze came from.-Truth.
ST am not of a jealous disposition, but
I really object to you kissing your cousin
| Tom
Il did nothing of the kind
But [ saw YOU
fThen that shows that you do not love
me any more, when you prefer to be-
! lleve what you see to believing what l
tell ou."-Judge.
The sermon was long,
And the preacher was prosy-
Do you think it was wrong?
The sermon was long,
The temptation was strong,
Her cheeks were so rosy
The sermon was long
And the preacher was prosy.
New Budget.
Hes not what you would call strictly
handsome, said the major, beamIng
bowling. in his mothers arms, but IT'S
the kind of a face that grows on you
Its not the kind of face that grew
on you" was the indignant and uneX,
pected reply of the fond mother. YOU'D
be better looking if it had."-Sacred
Heart Review.
Mrs. Neu-Now, dear Charles. we can
never hope to. get along together unless
you stop breaking your promises to me:
Now, want you to promise me never
to break your word to me again.
Mr.. Neu-All right, dear. l promise.
Mrs. Neu dearfuily)-But, then, you
know you never keep your promises.
Mr.: Neu dejectedly)-There you are.
Judge.
has to be sent from :ea the table W
having any dessert. For an hour he has
been sitting in the corner of the room
crying. AT last he thinks it time to
"Well! I hope you have done crying
now says his mother
Haven't done" says Johnny, in pas
sion; 'I'm only resting. "-Tit-Bits.
Learned men do not always appreciate
the achievements of their fellows. 1t is
adise Lost to great Scotch mathema-
tician, who remarked, when ne had fin
lshed It: It's vera, pretty; but, mon.
Merritt-Under the circumstances, why
don't you go West and get a divorce?
bwigger-Because, if 1 had divorces,
I might be fool enough to marry again.
Life.
But if you are in earnest in your anti
crueltyto-animal principles, how can
you bring yourself to encourage their
butchery by eating meat?"
"I even things up by not paying my
butcher bills. '-Cincinnati Enquirer.