Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-03-15

could have got her in thee months if !
had had the gumptiOn TO ask for her,
Detroit Free Press.
hat won't these CITY women dc
next 'Smanthy? What's all this talk
about umbrella skirts?" Il never did
see man yet Silas, that didn't make a
fool of hisself when he took to ta,kin'
about wimin's fXin's Common sense
ought to have told you they raised them
skirts. when it rains" CicreiaHd
Leaier.
Man in Uniform (stelmiy) You may
as well give up without struggle.
Muscular Crimnal-W Wv? Man in Uni
form-Why? Confound you; can't you
see / m New York Police Captain?
y. b. The muscular criminal gave up
at once. The amount will probably be
disclosed by the LeXow committee.
BuBdto Courier.
4 small boy was at "A table where his
mother was not near TO take care of
him. and a lady next to him volunteered
her services. Let me cut your steak
for you" she said, If | can cut it the
way you like it, she said. with some de-
gree of doubt. THANK YOU" the boy
responded, accepting her courtesy; Il
shall like ii the. way you cut it. even il
You do not cutft the way like it,
san Francisco Arg0Haut.
Deed dab is trouble tween usw she
exclaimed with the fury of woman
scorned. Deed dab is trouble, an eff
dat young lady hab any true frien' deys
gwne ter keep 'er outen my way"
Has YOU bin 'suted?" IL sho'ly has. !
tole her dat | wus gwine ter hab an
upright piano 9ib to me fob er Chris mas
gift" AN what did she say?" "She
asked me WIS gwine ter hab it lef in
mer stockin'%- Washington star.
Il understand" said Congressman
Stubbles, that they are rasn' objec-
tons to the Elaborate wake which us
statesmen are Ii bic to git EFF we die in
harness" Yes; there is some feeling
against it," well, that shows how on
grateful a republic is. You can have
neither one thing nor another They
don't pay patriot 'nuff to live on, an
then they Systematically remove any in
ducement there might be to die. -
Washington Netcs.
de greet trouble wifi desc times" said
Erastus Pinkley, IAN dat nun folks
doan' un'stan' de tahiti question"
"Dasso, replied his companion. Fob
instance, you an me wants free ror
material" Does weep "Sut'ny. Sposen
de 'ysters as dey is brung FUN de bay
! didn't cost muffin, dab you'd had de
| freest kim OBJ de rorest material. an de
ntiah profit oh de 'yster business nd 20
ter us gemmen what does de shuckin'."
-IiashiHgtoH star
The lady from Chicago took great
house in New York, fitting it up with
all the modern cOnVeniences and
Injuries, including an English butler.
After he had been with her a month she
called him up. james, " she said severe
! ~. Yes. milady," he responded. You
don't drop your his notice, when you
talk" NO, milady." You must" Il
cawn't, milady; I'm an educated per-
SON" well, you We got to- that's one
of the things pay YOU for. How are
these New York people ever TO know
you are not gentleman, if you don't?"
Mrs Bickford (who has secreted sew
eral pills in the marmalade): "Now, let
mammals little girl run here and she
shall have some Jelly" a moment later
little Ethel cried triumphantly: Here,
mamma. is the seeds, Wash | a good
girl not to swallow thcm?" Puck
People have no right to jump on us
in the manner they do, said the trust
magnate Ever since the trusts came
into play nearly everything controlled
by them has been reduced in price.
The only advance made, almost is in
the prices of United States senators. -
Indianapolis Journal
more trouble ahead | perceive" re-
marked the Cow, with signs of veXa-
ton. Indeed" observed her daugh-
ter, inquiringly. Yes, | read that red
parasols are to he used again this sum
mer and don't know what shall do,
just recovering from nervous prostra-
ton As l am. - CmcinnaH TriJU1c.
Little Ethel Johnny took my ban
ana. Mother-J johnny! What do you
mean Little Johuny--lt was all in
the game, mamma. ! said. Lets play
Broadway, and she said, "All wight,
and So she got a table for a banana
stand and then / was policeman and
walked past.-Strect d smiths GOOD
AerS.
"Do re rain come down from re
clouds or up from zc ground?' asked
the Frenchman. Down from the
clouds. of course" answered the Amer
lean. Nv hat put the foolish idea into
your head that it came up from the
ground" 81 just hear one of your
counuymen say he expect a shower to
come up soon. " T. Press.
What about your parents consent.
Juia?" asked the youth. Mother ia
vors YOU and father opposes You" an
swered the maiden; they have now re-
tired To confer" What hope is there
of the couferrees agreeing favorably?'
If it were anybody but mother that
was comforting with father should fear
a disagreement, but Is it is mother, my
mind is easy. | know mother. Dc
trOH Free Press.
MY darling, wrote the absent nus
band, 81 ann very lonesome, very un-
happy without you here. There is
enough to amuse one in this place. but
! cannot take any pleasure in anything