The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1895-11-07
FUNERALS BY PHONOGRAPH.
Machine Is Well Trained and has Never
Spoken a Profane or Vulgar Word.

A funeral ser-ice by phonograph is, in
the opinion of "Abe" Stilwell, an un-
der.aker, much more effective that
that by word of mouth. He found that
out when the "Fat Baby died at Coney
Island last summer, and he had several
other phonograpb funerals besides. lie
lives az Gravesend, not far from Coney
Island, and although he Is getting along
in years now he is as progressive nan AS
canbe found. He takes up new ideas like
magnetiZed hammer does tacks.
There was a phonograph in "Abe" Still
wells house before the instrument had
found its way TO the Coney Island saloons
and steamboat piers. Mrs. stilwell
takes a serious view spf life, and she
would not permit the phonograph which
her husband brought home 10 have any
irreverent cylinders. Hence it is that
the phonograph which rests on the Still
well parlor table next to the album ana
the county history with the undertaker's
picture in IT, has never said anything
ribsld. The notes of such tunes as "Ob,
Uncle John, ""Her Golden HAIR" and
the Sidewalks of New York" have never
been ground from the pious throat of lis
Il airing trumpet.
OF A RELIGIOUS TURN.
"That phonograph," said "Abe" TO
me, the other dag, "hss never said cuss
word or sung a gay song. Why shouldn't
and such? Some day if this world keeps
on progressing, they will be using them
for weddings, and after all, don't see
why there should be so much difference.
The progressive undertaken doesn't think
that there is anything remarkable in a
funeral service by photograph. He is
the inventor OF the new method, and like
a man who is in advance of his time, he
doesn't pause TO consider that the world
is little slow sometimes He-iooked at
me Lityingly when l asked him about
how he had the funeral service over the
Fat Baby by phonogrsph.
"Young man." he sad, "do you live
about here?"
"Yes sir,"I answered meekly. "At
least I've lived in New York for the past
few years.
"You have?" he said, s'and vet you say
you never heard OF phonogrsph
funeral?'
And he shook his head sadly and looked
at his handsome wife in way which
seemed to say, "lalk about ignorance,
welll"
His wife is tall and handsome. There
is no idea of her husband in which she
does not share. Mr.. Stilwell then told
the story of how the Fat Paby was decent
ly buried by his aid and that OF Mr.. Edi-
son.
THE FAT BABY DIED.
"It was in the summer time" he be-
gan, Sand all the preachers were away.
They think that so much devil comes TO
Coney in the hot months that there is
precious little use fer them. The Fat
Baby was only a few months old aid
weighed 10 pounds. She caught the
pnuemonia and died. The mother wis
mite of little English woman, and che
had been reared up among good people
in the old country. / had charge OF the
funeral, couldn't find preacher to save
II a sA4 -.
ii she felt mighty bad. had been q lit
tie forgetfui That day. All OF a sudden i
remem bered that / had precafi.r talk a
funeral service into the phonograph just
before he went on his vacation. No, /
won't tell you his name. promised him
that 1 never would. | explained 1t all 10
the baby's mother, and she said that she
would like the plan first rate.
THIS IS THE SERVICE.
"lt was very simple The services were
held here IN the dou ble parlor. The cof-
fin was placed at the back, and just be-
hind ii was he phonograph, with the big
trumpet projecting over. There was an
extra loud needle, too The irourne-s
were all around the room. Some of them
thought that 10 was strange at first, but
they got used to IL.
MRS Stilwell was the operator, and
kept changing the cylinocrs for each part
of the service. The words were very d ain
and sounded just like the human voice.
There wasn't any 'bemming' and haw-
ing and 'shing,' either. II went right
along"
Then, at the request OF her husband,
Mrs. Stilweli wenr through the phono-
graph service. First, the phonograph
played in strong, pure-toned voice. A
sharp, ringing voice then announced that
the AmphiOn Quartet woald sing Near
er, My God, To Thee. " The music was
finely sung, and the slight metallic ring
which IL had gave ths effect OF voices
sounding from some dim cathedral choir
loft then came reading Of the Scrip
lures, ''Dust to dust ashos TO ashes, ~ and
then another hymn by the choir. There
was brief sermon. the body was COM
mitted to the grave and then came the
woros of bcnediction.
The good phonograph, which has