Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-09-19
THE SCHOOL ROOM
Odd Replies Of Children at Their Les
sons and Examinations.
SAMPLES OF UNCONSCIOUS WIT.
Comical Answers to Questions In
History, Geography, and Other
Brain to Repeat Lessons Correctly.
canadian Magazlne.)

Forty years ago sternress was the
moral force most used by teachers in
controlling their pupils. To smile was
grave offence; TO laugh was hoggaDle
crime. In school, as in church, girls and
boys had to be solemn. or else be sorry
they had not been solemn. When ghosts,
ogres, or other monstrosities had lost
their terrors, then children were threat
ened with the living embodiment of all
horrors-the schoolmaster.
But even the terrible schoolmasters
could only restrain nature. and not de-
stroy IL. Mirth sometimes asserted fits
divine right TO rule even I'm the gloomiest
schools The happiest times We had In
school were the times the master was
asleep or out OF the room. We enjoyed
his retirement better than his resting pc
RODS. because when he was asleep we
had to confine ourselves TO smiling, lest
We should wake him. While he was out
Of the room the merriment was uproari-
Gus. While ne dozed we had to develop
self-control, and this WAS about the only
opportunity we had to develop self-con-
troll from a positive motive.
was grim in character and restricted In
quantity The boy was excusable who
called his poem on the departed teacher,
The Loss OF a Whaler." Probably the
best story OF genuine humor associated
with the rod IL that told OF the boy whose
master hearing noise behind him, turn
ed suddenly. and. selling the boy whom
he suspected. proceeded TO give him a Sc
we're whipping. The more vigorously the
blows were administered the more hearth
~ the boy laughed. At length the irrl-
tated master shouted. What are you
laughing at sir?" Il was laughing at the
Joke on you: hal hal ha, you're whipping
the wrong boy"
IL might naturally be supposed that
next to the physical afiiiction periods,
the most unlikely time for humor to come
into school would be during the
religious exercises The natural serious
ness of these exercises Is sometimes dis
turbed. however.
"Who made your asked the primary
teacher. The little girl addressed evil
IDENTITY wished TO be accurate in her re-
ply: God made me 80 long"-indicating
the length OF a short baby-"and l growed
the rest"
The word altar occurred In the Scrip
ture selection. what is an ALTAR? said
the teacher "a place TO burn Insects. y
replied an honest boy. who were the
foolish virgins" brought the prompt an
swer from a wise little girl, Them as
didn't get married"
A teacher said to her class: "Whom
do you especially wish 10 see when you
go 10 Heaven? "Gerlah." was probably
the most candid answer she received.
There was no hypocrisy In the boy who
longed 10 see the great giant, who had
been defeated by young David.
The religious teachings OF home and
school seem to give flavor to answers
on very different subjects-especlally
when religious teaching is made a mat
ter of memorizing words that are not
understood. The girl who said; "A Re
publican is a sinner mentioned in the
Bible" and the boy who wrote, There
are a good many donkeys in the theo-
logical gardens" had evidently received
A religious training. At an examination
i'm England the pupils were asked TO ex-
plain the difference between the religious
beliefs of the Hebrews and the Samari-
tans. One answer was: THE Jews be-
lleve I'm the synagogue, and had
their Sunday on Saturday; but the Sa-
maritans believe in the Church OF Eng
land. and worshipped in groves OF oak;
with the Samaritans."
The words His Satanic Majesty oc-
CURED in the story read in one OF the
Toronto public schools How many know
who his Satanic Majesty is?" said the
teacher Several hands were raised. ana
the first pupil named promptly replied,
The Inspector" 1t is encouraging TO
know she was a very young child. HISTORY
and Scripture were never more tno-
roughly mixed than by the Doy VINO
wrote, Titus was a Roman emperor
.upposed TO have written the Epistle TO
the Hebrews-his other name was Oates.
The ridiculous answers given at writ
ten examinations would fill many vol
umes. Sometimes they are the result OF
improper questioning. sometimes or men
tai peculiarities In pupils. often or poor
teaching. which Is satisfied with giving
words. instead OF ideas. to children.
The ecliptic had been taught as AN
imaginary line, representing the apparent
nath OF the sun through the heavens.
but at the examination it was defined as
AN imaginary line going round the
equator; II seems to be The path which
the earth goes round, but II Is really
the path to Heaven A student, preparing
10 be a teacher wrote: THE aim OF geo
,ranhv Is 10 Mt man for the business
OF life and lead him TO prepare for death
and the other world" Another believer
I'm the uplifting power of geography
wrote. "a person ignorant Of geography
is wrapped up In his own narrow sphere
~ ignorance. and is generally bore"
An English girl wrote: "Oiver Cromwell
was a man who was put In prison for
his interference IN ireland. When he was
In prison he wrote The Pilgrims Pro-
eress' and married a lady called Mrs
O'Shea."
4 Canadian historian informed the ex-
aminers that 1.-The Wing party was an
army that tried 10 skirmish every town
Another pupil answered: THE Wing party
il the Conservatives" and stu another
said. "The Wing party are the ones that
wish for progress. and they don't in gene
raj dress so gay as the Tories" 1t must
have been a very radical son Of Radical
who wrote: "Perkin Warbeck raised
rebellion in the reign of Henry VIII. he
claimed 10 be the son OF prince, but
he was really the son Of respectable peo-
pie" young churchman wrote: "A
prime minister is one who stops at the
same church all the time"
"r-ree trade" Is a question that always
develops original theories In the minds
of Youthful economists. Here are a few
snecimens: Free trade Is carried on
without any money to pay for il. Free
trade is the trade for fishing along the
shore. or selling whatever they like. and
can do what they think best" Free
trade is. that man buys piece OF land
and pays for it, and receives deed for
A. and is subject to notn,ng but the taxes
OF the country"
When hygiene was taught In the FORM
NJ notes. dictated by the teacher. 10 be
reneated orally by the pupils, or written
down 10 be committed to memory, the
answers given in this subject were often
very amusing, on account OF their In