The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-08-25
INVOKED The PALLADIUM
Lively Predicament of a Law
yer Pursued for a Whis-
ky Bill.
BEHIND ALL KINDS OF Law.
J. J. Coffey Leads His Enemies a
Lively Chase Till They Start
His Wife After Him.

al invoke the palladium OF the married
man, the rule of 1907 shouted Counselor
j. j. Coffey to Justice of the Peace Groe-
Finger, yesterday as he arose in his un-
shaved height to lend emphasis to his
mighty invocation.
Counselor Coffey was being pursued for
a whisky bill, and he was in woeful pre-
dicament. First he had taken shelter be-
hind the barricade of the statute of limita-
tions. Routed from there by Attorney
Nagle he had fortified himself behind the
great Magma Charta, the bulwark OF British
liberty. Even the present Magma Charta
can't always safely protect man who
owes whisky bill, and, after deal of
poking and rafting of the pitchforks of
the code, the agile Coffey was driven out
and scurried behind the Constitution of
the United States.
For forty minutes by the clock he stood
behind the Constitution of 1776 and defied
the lawyers and the whisky bill collectors.
Then the attacking party put their heads
together and sprang big surprise to bonn
bard Coffey from vantage.
They produced Mrs. J. j. Coffey. The
long, lean and learned counselor has been
wrangling with his wife in the courts over
divorce and property rights for several
years past. When one catches sight of the
other, the policemen in the vicinity lay
their hands carelessly on their riot clubs
and edge nearer the approaching storm
center.
The instant Mrs. Coffey's green dress
founced into the courtroom, Counselor
Coffey turned shade paler, caught his
breath and darted spryly from behind the
sheltering Constitution of the United
States to the great palladium of married
man as he called it, 'the rule of $780,"
'Sure its 1902" demanded the pursuing
Maggie.
answered Coffey, nervously, and with the
astute reserve of a lawyer determined not
to be pinned down to any statement.
Mrs. Coffey shifted at her nervous hus-
band with all the fine scorn of a woman
about to help blind justice clear up about
eighteen years back work on man she
intensely disliked.
"I'll have no clap-trap here" interjected
Coffey. 'No wife can testify against her
husband. You can't convict me out of
that woman's mouth. 1t is breaking the
great rule of $780," and Counselor Coffey
spread his arms like wings and began an
other oratorical fight on the sublime birth
of the great rule of 1880 among prehistoric
nations.
sharply. 81 oughtn't to come under any
such law she said, stoutly. "I'm above
1t. Any man like you"
But Justice GroeZinger realized that the
whole history of the Coffey litigation was
about to be reclted.
He cut it short with his gavel. "Are you
diyorced?" he inquired.
mo" shifted Mrs. Coffey, scornfully.
"But If perjury and worse -"
But again the court cut in, and for forty
minutes more Attorney Nagle bombarded
the palladium of married. men to get at
Coffey, and Coffey as persistently bobbed
his head UP every few minutes from be-
hind the palladium to say something in
reply. Under the contemptuous looks of
every minute. But the palladium proved
all Coffey claimed for it, and when the
hour of adjournment came neither his
wife, the lawyers nor the whisky-bilI col
lectors could get him out from behind its
safe shelter.
Weeks ago Coffey started all the trouble
himself. He put in bill for $500 against
Fred Nobmann for legal services rendered.
Nebmann refused to pay, and Coffey as
signed the claim to Jesse Baydstein, who
brought suit for the money.
The suit proved a boomerang, for Mob
mann at once put in counter claim for
more than $3.50. To back it he presented
two | 0 US aggregating SO, and several
yards of legal cap covered with an itemized
account of Coffey's visit to his shop, for
cash, drinks and whisky. The catalogue
of visits began in December, 1893. with
cash S., and ran down through the years
with whisky, cigars, cash and turkey at
regular recurring intervals. According to
Nobmann, Coffey lived royalty on large
cold bottle and a small hot bird as long as
there was prospect of credit.
A witness named Fisher met the coun-
selor in this delightful period.
Working any more ?" asked Fisher.
mo more whisky, no more work." re-
piled Coffey, airily tossing off his daily
apothegm.
Coffey smiled feebly when they testified
to this in court yesterday. He was feeling
fairly safe behind the Magma Charta bull
hint of the advent of his wife. ~ did my
duty" be replied, in his grand way. imita-
tive of Webster throwing a headlight on
constitutional problem. 'Of that you
may be sure. Pm not the man to deny
my whisky bills under ordinary circum-
stances, but there arise tides in mems for
tunes that drive them hither, and you and
this is one of them. I've paid for many
bottle of whisky at this mans house."
You have" nodded Nobmann, gravely.
And wine," sneered Nagle.
"And wine, too, my boy repeated
Coffey earnestly. "But l pay no more
when my own bills are met in such con-
temptuous fashion. So, although gentle
man, I'm compelled by the legal circum-
stance of the case to fall back for shelter
behind the statute of limitations. I'll pay
So; that's all the law allows my adversary
to collect on liquor bill"
"Come out from under the cloak of
secrecy" jeered Nagle, and be a man."
Let dogs delight to bark who don't
affect to bite" returned Counselor Coffey,
disdaining further to notice the challenge
"Again call your Honor's attention to
the fact that I'm invoking the palladium
of the married men, the rule of $780,"
Mrs. Coffey tried to drive him out with
some Parthian arrows tipped with refer
ences to his conduct as plain Mr.. Coffey.
But the counselor knew when he was
safe, and refused to do more than poke his
head out from behind "the palladium"
By this tactful proceeding he shut out her
testimony.
Justice Groezinger gathered up the few
crumbs of pertinent testimony offered in
the case and took them into his laboratory
for judicial analysis. He promised de-