davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
A MAN OF RESOURCES.
The Dentist Strained a Point To Serve n
Good Customer.

Good Customer.
The dentist didn't want TO talk shop,
he said, but he thought the story worth
telling so he told 1t: mot long ago."
he said, "a Western railroad president
came TO New York and one night was
invited to dine with some of his friends
here" says the New York Tri-
bune. The dinner was par
ticularly jolly affair, and when
the western man reached his
hotel he was in merry mood. 1t was
his custom to place his set of false
teeth under the pillow every night just
before going to bed, and he was GER
tain he had done so on this particular
evening. Nevertheless, in the morning
he was unable TO find them. Searching
high and low in the room was Of no
avail, and finally he came to me for a
new set.
"' How long will it take you to make
them?' he asked. 1 told him four or
five days. Cant listen to anything
like that he replied. I'll give you
triple money to make them in twenty
four hours You see people from Chi
cago think that money laughs at every
thing, even time.
"All my arguing with the old fellow
did no good, so l set to work on his
teeth. In the meantime, however,
told my assistant to hasten around to
the old mans hotel and make a scien-
tific search of the room. The westerner
insisted that he had drunk no more
wine than usual at the dinner, but
was satisfied that he was deceiving
himself. / had not been long at the
preliminary measurements when my
assistant called me out and handed me
the teeth. He had found them in the
pillow case, where the owner had put
them instead of under the pillow.
Il returned the teeth and the rail-
road man was so overjoyed that he did
not cancel the order, but told me to go
ahead with the teeth. They might
come in handy some time, he said. He
even unbent so far as to admit that
perhaps, after all, he had drunk a glass
of wine too much the night before, and
when l sent him my bill received 9
check for double the amount from
him"
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
SHORTS FROM SETTINGS.

Let us all boost, not knock, and pros
perity is our onion.
The business or the police justice may
be said TO be n fine at.
The frog Of a railroad track ought to
be happy in flood times.
The man who thinks he is 1right Is
seldom inclined to keep 1t dark.
II you want to live long don't try to
live more than one day at a time.
Abuse Is one of the few things a man
can get without earning or deserving II.
Next to a beau there Is nothing n girl
is prouder OF than bossing a st. Ber-
nard dog.
You can always please a good man by
telling him he has a devillsh twinkle in
his eye.
When you need n friend don't pick
out the man whose dog never wants to
follow him.
The most lonesome man i'm town Is
the one that has made liberal loans to
his acquaintance.
When the coachman marries his en-
ployer's daughter he is a groom. The
daughter Is foolish.
A small boy acquires an early lesson
in political trickery when he sees his
mother gerrymander a pie.
The ship OF matrimony has a compan-
ionway, but many are the husbands and
wives who never find IL.
Ben Potter-We had a meeting OF the
directors OF our company last night.
Mrs. Potter-What was the limit?
When a man gets too worthless for
anything else. he is Just worthless
enough for a sentimental woman 10
make o hero of and marry.-Texas Sift-
ings.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
Educational.

Attention OF the reader IS called to
the announcement of Notre Dame Uni
Nersity in another column OF this paper.
This noted institution OF learning en-
ters upon Its fifty-second year with the
next session. commencing Sept. 3. 1895.
Parents and guardians contemplating
sending II cir boys and young men
away from home TO school would do
we'll 10 write for particulars TO the Uni
versity Of Notre Dame, Indiana, before
making arrangements for their educa-
ton elsewhere. Nowhere in this broad
land are there to be found better facll-
tiles for cultivating the mind and heart
than are offered at Notre Dame Uni
Versity.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26

gold value. as published in tabuIations
by the bureau-a mode of statement
which has led many honest minds to
erroneous conclusions. Now we have
the voluminous report OF the finance
committee Of the United States senate
tainted with the same violation of arith-
metical rule. What has brought into
such persistent vogue practice 80 in
excusable, when 1t is considered that
every graduate of our public schools is
taught the rule which governs the case,
and should be armed with information
to detect at once the violation of the
rule?
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
STOP IT NOW !!
Stop 1t Quickly, Just the Same as Did
Mr.. Charles ii. Hoffman, Of 1872
Ten Eyck Street, Jackson.

If you have pain in your back, stop i'll
A lame back, stop It'll An aching back,
stop il! Do you want to know how? Let
TO rid yourself of pain without knowing
the cause. If pain or ache exist there
is reason for it. Find out this reason
and get after it. Strike cause n stiff
blow with the right weapon, and its allies,
pain and ache, will flee like chaff before
the wind. To get right down TO it, back
ache is indicative of kidney disorders, q
Spy placed there by nature; listen to his
warnings and take up the weapon, strike
before disease is reinforced with allies
that can not be routed by hand of man,
such as Brights disease Let us introduce
to you this weapon Let us prove its SUI
pcriority TO al! Othcrsl Here is a blow it
struck:
Mr. Charles ii. Hoffman is fireman on
the NJ. G. r r., and resides at 1872 Ten
Eyclk Street. jackson, Mich. He says
Il have suffered for long time from a
kidney and bladder disorder which has at
times rendered me incapable of work
have been at the hospital for my complaint
and discharged from there as cured, but
the old complaint has invariably come
back again. Some time ago / heard of
DOan's Kidney Pills, and l began taking
them, with most gratifying results
Urinary complaints which bothered me
greatly are very much improved, and the
pain | suffered in my back has entirely
left me, my general condition is much i'm
proved. | would not like TO be without
Doan's Kidney Pills, think others should
know what a valuable remedy il is
For sale by all dealers price so cents
Mailed by Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo.
n. Y, sole agents for the U. S. Remem-
Der the name, Deans and take no other.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
Horses and EARTHQUAKES.

1t is a well-known fact, says the Mas
cot, that horses can hear sounds that are
not perceptible to human ears. For days
previous to the great earthquake in the
Riviera the horses OF that locality
showed every symptom of fear, which
continued without change Of character,
unless 1t was in the direction of greater
frenzy, till the fury Of the great convul-
sion broke forth. Not until few sec
onds, however, befors the earth began to
tremble did human beings hear the sub
terranean rumblings. One writer from
the scene says that in his opinion the
horses knew that the quake was on the
way from seventy-two to one hundred
hours before their masters heard or felt
the first jar.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
Trees That Arc Trees.

George S. Courier, well-known res
ident of North Yakima, returned to Ia
coma last evening from a trip to Neah
Bay and Clallam county, says Tacoma
News. In speaking of the Neah Bay
country Mr.. Courier stated that the tim
ber.which he saw there is sure to make
its owners wealthy. He measured sew
eral large spruce trees of unusual size.
One of these measured thirty-six feet
in circumference at its base and an
other which had fallen was ZIG feet
long to point where 1t had been
broken in two by a fall, and at this
point it was fifteen feet in circumfer-
ence.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
Peasant Costumes for Fairs.


Suitable costumes for the mattresses
at an international fair to be held in
a church would be the peasant cos
tunes of the various nations. The most
picturesque of the French peasant cos
tunes is the Normandy, which consists
of a gray wooden skirt, worn ankle
length, black overskirt turned back,
washerwoman fashion, black velvet
bodice with a white muslin chemisette
and short pulled sleeves. The cap
should be of the kind known as Nor
mandy. The Italian costume is r
bright colored skirt, with long white
lace or drawn-work apron. A Roman
silk scarf should be knotted about the
waist. A black velvet bodice and q
muslin chemisette and long very full
sleeves with a little Italian cap COM
plete the costume. The Italian cap is a
long and narrow strip of linen which is
placed lengthwise over the forehead
with the corners turned back. The
Dutch peasant wears a skirt of rough
cloth with a long apron made with a
square bib, chemisette and sleeves
similar to the French costume and a
cap OF stiff white linen shaped like a
halo and worn with gold earrings. The
Russian costume has a long skirt. over
which is worn a heavily-embroidere
long apron, the usual bodice, long
sleeves and cap, cone-shaped, with a
veil hanging from the end.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
Fluid Instead of Wire.

1t Is stated in the Buffalo Express
that Nikola Tesla has perfected a
means of conducting the electric cur
rent through fluid in a tube, by which
he claims that electricity can be trans
mltted from Niagara Falls to New Or
leans and successfully compete with
steam at the latter place. The fluid
he uses in the tubes costs scarcely
more than water, and loses so little
electricity in transit that the cost of
transmission is little more than Inter-
est on the cost of putting up the poles.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
A Courageous widow.

Amos Storey was one of the early
settlers of Vermont. He plunged into
the wilderness and started to clear
land to which he was entitled by being
the first settler. One day he was killed
by the falling Of tree. His wife, who
was still in Connecticut, hearing of the
disaster, resolved to take his place and
clear the farm herself, though she had
ten small children. Years of toll. dan
ger and hardship followed, but she
actually carried out this remarkable
determination. Before the sharp edge
of her OK. acre after acre of forest gave
place to fertile field. With her own
hand the logs and bushes were burned
and fruits and crops planted and
raised. Fish were lured from their re-
treats by her angling and game was
supplied by her unerring rifle. In
order to have a safe retreat from In
dams and wild beasts she dug out an
underground room with a small en-
trance in a thicket. where she nightly
retreated with her children. Unassist-
ed she thus supported herself and chill
dren until they were old enough 20
help, and found themselves the pos
SCISSORS OF a large and valuable farm.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
PRETTY FAIR
At Stage Robbing, But No Good as
Business Men.

At Stage Robblng, But No Good as
Business Men.
Eyes. Buck English was always my
friend" remarked Judge Lawler when
the Mana stage robbery and the wound
ed desperate were under discussion,
says the Philadelphia Item. HE was a
pretty fair robber but no business man.
remember one of his first ventures in
business way. A couple Of Germans
were running a butcher shop in Lake
county and making money hand over
fist. Buck English and his brother
Charlie purchased the business and
soon the stock commenced to suffer.
One day a rancher met Buck on the
road and inquired:
Have you seen anything OF that
COW Of mine?
"'What kind of cow
"'Red. with a white blaize and one
horn gone
1.-The one Sleeper raised and sold
Taught, and ne sold to that carpenter
at Middletown?' asked Buck
Eyes, that's the one
"'Say, Jim, we butchered her about
week ago. She was the latest beef l
ever saw. II I'd a known she was
yours 1 wouldn't have killed her with
out lettin' you know. Good-by, Jim
That's all Jim ever got for his COW.
A few weeks later the English boys
were closed out. They had lost every
cent OF their capital Buck came to
me and said: L can't understand this
at all. Those Dutchmen bought all
their stock and paid their bills when
they came due and made money. We
stole all our stock, never paid a bill. and
still we lose. It's too much for me- i
guess I'm no business man. 1 suppose
his failure in business enterprises drove
him into questionable pursuits"
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26

A Topeka man has arranged to have
st. Joseph newspaper thrown into his
mausoleum every morning after he is
dead. lie evidently expects a light
punishment and wants to give the devil
his due.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26

Burdocls Blood Bitters is natures
true remedy for constipation and kim
dred ills. 1t acts directly on the
bowels, the liver, the skin, and while
cleansing the blood imparts strength
70 the digestive organs.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
THE LOST LETTERS.
Two Amusing Anecdotes Told By - Pose
ONCE Employe.

Two Amusing Anecdotes Told By - Pose
once Employe.
An English merchant was advised
by his agent that a check for 1908
would be sent to him by the next mail.
1t did not come, and the merchant nj
once made complaint at the post Office
The postman on that route was called
in by the postmaster, and in answer
to questions, said that the missing
packet was duly received and deliV-
cred. He remembered IL distinctly
its shape, color and postmark. AS his
habit was, he had poked IL under the
house door, with two other letters ana
newspaper. The merchants wife hac
picked up three packets, and was posi-
tive that there had not been fourth
The postmaster went to the house
and examined 1t carefully Then he
looked into the back garden. His eye
lighted on a litter of puppies. A
thought struck him.
Have the dog-kennel cleared one.
please"
sNonsense! Why?"
hlnuly nave IL cleared.
well, If it must be. Thomas, tako'
out the straw"
On the floor Of the kennel, torn into
a hundred bits, lay the missing letter
and check. A current of air along ths
passage had blown the letter about; the
puppies, naturally enough, had
bounced upon it as a plaything ana
had had good time
Mr.. Baines, who tells this story In bis
Forty Years at the Post Office" adds
another equally good. A merchant
complained Of the loss OF a letter
mailed from his Office containing scrna
hundreds Of pounds in Bank OF Eng
land notes. Finally an expert from the
Post Office Department called upon
him.
Believe me, sir" the expert said, II
have an object in what / ask. VIII yor
kindly sit at your desk and recall each
operation connected with the missing
letter."
with pleasure. ! sit here. take
sheet of this note paper and one OK
those covers. Then / write my letter
and fold 1t up so. Next l go to mi
safe and take out the notes, enter the"
numbers, fold them, put them in tn
letter, and the letter into the cover.
Then l seal them all up as you now see
me do"
Just so; and what next?"
why, my clerk comes in and clearg
off my desk for the post"
But you wrote this one at noon, and
the post does not so out before night"
"Oh, yes, OF course. quite forgot TO
say that a money letter, for greater sc
curity, put it in left-hand drawer
(which one?"
which? Why, this one. i open IA
SO, and BLESS my soul! Goodness
me! am very sorry for all the trouble
I've given. Here is the letterr'--
Youths Companion.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26
Hoods Pills family a n'e eatSaisc. p: ssc and

A mars character is born with him; he gets
his reputation from other people.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26

The river Rhine flows at three times
the rate of the Thames.
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26

exported from the United States in each
fiscal year named. to which is added
the average price barrel. the fraction
of a cent being extended to three deci-
NAL places for the sake of great exact
The Yale expositor., 1895-07-26

II a man knew how much other pep.
pie know about him he would prob
ably faint.
Is II proper 10 say HE got there
just the same" or He got there an
the same?'
We wish we understood the money
question well enough to be able In
save up little.
People who say they are not jealous
are trying bluff they can never sur-
cessfully work.
After every picnic, whether thcrr
was a chaperon or not, n new huggins
story comes out.
We know why the sea waves are sAsh
because OF the bathing suits that arc
worn there every summer.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-03-08

apporiionnent Be male, Judge Ikeler
~Cu.d continue in Office until 1900
whe1 BIS term expires, and he and
either Dunham or Siitser would aD
portion the wo-k between them. A,
the end Of Judge Ise,eTs term. p.
wouli retire. and the other JulEs
would b the Presiden, Judge Of the
district Until 1898. Judge Dlnham
lives Z; Laporte and Oxnes property
there. and Judge Sitiser IS located 4.
Tunkhzl1ocs, and which ever i De.
clAred to be the Judge, j, IS quite in
probable ihz; either Of them would
remove 10 Rloomsburg. and this
county would then be without = resi-
den; Judge fof the first time in many
years. That tbs would be Z serious
inconvenience TO lawyers as vel as 10
htigzn;s, cznnO; Oe doubted. The
bill IS 4 republican measure in strong
ly republican legislature, and il IS
likely TO 60 through unless somc
reasons 20 the contrary are shoSn. II
there are no objections to the bill o.
course there IS nothing to Be dcne,
but Il there Be objections some steps
should Be taken TO present the matter
before the apPortioamen; committee
before II IS too late.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-03-08
CHARTER NOTICE

Notice Is hereby given that an application
viii b male 70 the GOyernO- of tb,s Sfs1s =,
Pennsy lT4nia, Monday the twenry-nfth dsy of
MAreh A. D.. lssSS, by Paul z Sfrt, L Nal
ler, +. :. HArtnan, n. G.. SHERWOOD. c. c. Pea
cock, Greasy 4 Wells, : III HarmaD ana r IL
Miller, under Act OF Assembly OF the Common.
wealth Of Pennsylvania, entitled An Act 10
provide for the Incorporation and regulation of
certain corporations, approved April 18th, A.
D., ls7i, and the several supplements Thereto
tor the charter Of sn intended como alton 10
= called The Penn Elevator Company, the
character and object OF which IS the manufso-
ture OF elevators and special machinery from
WOOD, iron and other metal, or any one or more
oI them combined And for these purls0s.-s. "a
nave, possess and enjoy all the rights, banerfs
its supplements anu
C. W. MILLER,
81" solicitor.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-03-08
We Stand Corrected.

Under the impression that the Baker
bzl.o;-5oxes we're OF uniform pattern
Throughout the State we must zdmi,
we were in error 10 our article of last
week IN which We treated upon the
insecurity oi these boxes in Blooms
burg. We referred TO their insecurity
after being locked, sealed and deliver.
Cd Tor safe keeping. The style Of box
to which We referred we're those sen,
into the rural districts Of Luzerne
county, when the law first took effect.
Those boxes we're insecure, as We have
already described them, and their in.
security was demonstrated to our
satisfaction by the inspectors Of the
board while the writer was acting as
Judge Of election. After making our
return We published our observations
on the matter in either the Echo or
Democrat Of Shickshinny. And as no
denial Of the fact as published was
made al that time, We naturally pre-.
sumed that the same style Of box was
il vogue ,hroughou; the State. We
are cTedioly informed, however, by =
gentleman who took the trouble to
examine the Bloomsburg boxes tha;
they are perfectly secure that hasp
on the Id Of your boxes passes over
Z staple fastened on the box below
the Id, and then paddock safely
secures II On one side while on the
other side, the lid is securely hinged
and riveted. 1t is possible that the
Luzerne contractor could not get MS
hinges on in time but they certainly
ought TO be there.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-03-08
Hoods SarsapariIIa

P%Ilsd to cut her hair, ~ she could not
bear the weight Of it. At first the change
Tor the better was very gradual; the pains
seemed to De less frequent and the SWELL
ing In some OF the joints subsided after
using about one bottle. Then improve
ment was more rapid and one night she
surprised rs greatly by telling Us that we
need not prop her up in bed as we had
one for several months, and next night
she surprised rs still more by rolling
over seross the bed. From that time on
Improvement was veD Rapid
and she soon begsn to creep about the
house and then to walk on crutches. Now
she generally uses but one cruteb, the dis
ease having left one leg crooked, and fear
II VIII remain 30. We feel that to Hoods
Sarssparilla we owe our chiId's Life.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-03-08
Makes Pure Blood

That Is why the Cures by Hoods
sarsaparilla are permanent. They do
not rest upon the insecure support of
temporary stimulant, opiate or nerve q
compound, but upon the solid founda-
ton Of vitalized, enriched and purified
blood. Read this:
The cure OF Olive Carl by Hoods
oarsaparilla has few equals in medical
history. The testimonial was first
published two years ago, and a late
letter from her mother says Olive con-
tnues in good health and "We are
satisfied her remarkable cure by
Hoods Sarsaparilla was permanent -
Srieny stated the case was this: "when
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-03-08

81 can't eat, have no appetite" Is the
complaint Of many people jus, now. This
Is because the blood Is in q sluggish and
impure condition. Vitalize and enrich
it by taking Hoods sarsspsrilla, and you
VIII soon be hungry all the time because
your blood Will demand proper susie
nance from good food.
Nervous Dyspepsia.
u suffered with what the doctors called
nervous dyspepsia. could hardly walk
and could hardly keep anything on my
stomach. doctored for six or seven years
but the different medicines did not do me
any good and grew steadily worse.
would have sick headache for three days
and nights causing me such sgony that it
seemed a. though would rather die than
1--we. / was told to try Hoods Sarssparills
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-03-08
TIE JUDICIAL APPoRlIoENEsT.

A bill has been introduced in the
House redistricting the state into
judicial districts. 1t proposes TO
change this district by putting Mon
tour county with Northumberland
and Columbia with Wyoming and
Sullivan. This is a return to the ar.
rangement that existed prior to the
aPPorhonment of 1874. A President
Judge of Wyoming and Sullivan was
elected last fall whose term OF Office
VIII expire in 1905. Who that Judge
Is mas not yet been finally decided.
4. nj. Dunham of Laporte was re-
turned as elected by a majority OF
twenty-nine over John A. S;ttser. the
incumbent of the Office for the past
ten years, and Judge Sittser is contest.
ing the election. Should the proposed
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-03-08

and did 80. When / had finished the third
bottle was SO much better that / could
eat things that had not dared to eat be-
fore for years. l have taken six bottles
and feel like q different person" Mrs.
SIMON DECKER, Ruggles, Pennsylvania.
Refreshing sleep has been given me by
Hoods Ssrsaparills and / now rest wen
and do not feel tired in the morning as I
used to-" JOIN CRAIG. someryiIls. Nsss