Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-09-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A war club-The triple alliance.
It's all up with man when he's
turned down.
Some people can keep their minds
on mighty small object and not feel
cramped for room.-Puck.
A large majority of those who think
they need CO axing really require club
bling. Milwaukee Journal.
Mrs. Peastraw-"How on earth did
you get yourself SO dirty?" Johnny
-'I was in swimmin'. Truth.
You can salt down your money, but
you cannot catch golden eagles by
putting salt on their tails. Truth.
It's the summer fly that bustles.
Till within the spiders gates.
And the spider never hustles,
But he gets there while he waits.
Truth.
Too many men regard death as they
do their banker, and expect ample no.
tifcation when their time will be up.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Inventors of college-yells can find
mine of inspiration in sitting around
llotSuluk w WOuuCh Uulh OuOJ SNsA~ ~
their babies. -Atchison Globe.
Isn't there some way in which we
can arrange to get our weather prop
erly mixed instead of taking the in
gradients separately ?-Troy Press.
"Our landlady says she likes to see
her boarders have good appetites."
"Well, Pm not surprised. Some
women a,e naturally cruel. "-tlfe.
Johnny must have got his gun
). By exhortations goaded
But his silence is suggestive that
He didn't know't was loaded.
Puck.
"What is the name OF that MANI"
signaled one deaf mute to another.
"It's queer, but can't recall it," was
the reply; though it is right at my
finger ends. Puck.
"Why is it," asks the Manayunk
philosopher "that when a man is af.
flicted with chills and fever the chills
always come on the cold days and the
fever on hot days?"- Philadelphia
Record.
Prepared for the Worst: Edna
"Whom is Miss Golighty going to
marry?" Millie cold Moneybagges. "
Edna-."How do you know?" Millie
-"She's having most of her trousseau
made in black. The Mourner.
Stern Father-"Do you realize,
young man, that up to the present
time it has cost me at least SO, 600 to
bring up and educate that girl?''
Fond Lover-"Yes, sir and from my
point of view I should say, sir, that
she is fully worth it."-Somerville
Journal.
The Third Time Proposal: She
(bored) mo, Mr.. Lytely, can never
love you. honor and respect you. l
am sure you would make some other
woman u good husband. L" He
"Well-er---could you--.er--- give me a
letter of recommendation to my next
place ?"-Vogue.
An Extra: Lady--''Your testi'
monials are satisfactory and ! am will
ing to take you at the terms you ask,
namely, thirty horins, only l expect
That you will treat my children with
Affection" Nursery Maid-"Affec-
lion? Then shall want five forms q
month extra. Der Floh.
Squildig-"Did the brides father do
the correct thing when young Spud-
kins married Miss Cashbox?" Nc
Swilligen-"We he gave the
bride" Squildig Gnterrupting) :
81 knew he would do something hand
some" McSwilligen (resuming) =
"He gave the bride away. ."-Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
"Mercy!" cried the editors wife. as
she arose in the morning to find two
windows pried open and the lamp
overturned in the middle of the floor.
"There was a burglar in the house last
night a burglar!' eyes said the
editor with yawn, she struck us Just
before daylight, but he was evidently
very poor man. l only got Sc out
of him. You'll find it in the bureau
drawer. The keys under my pillow. "
Atlanta Constitution.