davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

allotted to Baby lcnla; ana II Is 10 pe
dreaded that the true antiquity OF the
JOKE viii be revealed among the other
awful secrets OF the to1nbs OF the
Pharaohs- Solomon s maxim that there
is nothing new under the sun has long
been an accepted dictum. even among
the joke-nakers; and no less q person
age than Mark Twain has reduced the
Joke germs-or, rather. joke elements
10 seven Aryan ancestors. What these
seven Jokes of the Seven Foolish Men
o. ancient days were II nav only be
con iecturcd: but.undoubtediy. the worn-
ans age. wonsan's tongue and the
nlother-in-law Jokes were among them.
and were cracked by our rude snces-
tors in the old cave dwellings OF carly
Neanthropic times with infinite grsto.
The young-man-who-stay and the
old-man SHOOT may have been later ac-
eretions- Certainly the young house
keeper and the man-who-never-pays-
back witticisrns do not date much later
than the days OF Noah
The spring poet first appeared on the
scene in the days of old King Sargon.
who founded the royal library of As
syria and called for competitive odes-
The Office goat is purely modern YER
sion. The summer girl and the chap
pie have q latter-dav look: bat their an
tetypes can be discovered in the pages
of the Greek Theophrestus and the Ro-
man Petronius. The Nouveaux Richesse
figure IN that latter romancer's character
OF Trinalchio. AS for the pun, that is
undoubtedly a relic of antediluvian
jocosity; and it is not impossible TO inn
agine the wicked old Nephelim asking
one another, os they stood around and
laughed at Noah building the ark:
when is a door not door?" and
Where was Moses when the light went
out?-
1t is distressing TO realize these facts
in the case; but what narrowing stu
alton will ensue If ". Beauregard shall
discover the one original, primitive,
protoplasnic joke globule, the father
of al these nineteenth century joke
lets! Imagine the literary scientists
placing this Akkadian joke under the
microscope and inviting the world
to gaze upon the great and only
"Jolxiensis Eozoenw The modern Joker
could not survive such pitiless expose.
His occupation, like OthelioIs, would be
gone forever.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

laughter, ana sne expects ali ner ac-
quaintarces to speak to her in voice
modulated with signs.
1t is noticeable quality in worriers
that whatever is wrong they are never
responsible for it. Some one to throw
the blame on is part of the providential
arrangement of their houses and their
lives And just as men wOrriers have
always the tariff, or the police, the
pope or the Jesuits, to bear the brunt
of their forebodings. SO the woman
worrier can always find some one in
general, or some one in particular, who
has been sadly in the way OF her doing
good, or giving generously. or bearing
the natural ills of life with equanimity.
And unfortunately this some one,
whom it is safe to blame, is generally
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

It is certainly better to fidget alone,
than TO make oneself general and a
particular nuisance. Secondly, they
may select some general or national
subject to worry about; for II
they can only prevent their ankle
ties and trepidations taking purely
personal, selfish form, they are at least
humanized. and their worrying is on
higher ground. Then there is Sydney
Smiths plan for a serene existence
take short views Of life"-an hours
view, for instance, and say to the fore
boding heart: BE at peace, all is
right for this hour at least"-an hour
at time, and refuse to look forward
to any possible change for the worse.
And as worriers are often estimable
people in all other directions, they
may spur such good resolutions by
rejecting that egotism and selfish
ness are at the bottom of all undue
petty fretfulness and anxiety, and then
ask themselves why they should be ex-
empt from the worries and vexations
that atflict all humanity, and which,
indeed, are part of the universal scheme
OF circumstances, relating to the great
circumstance-life.
AMELIA Z. BARE.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
A Coming Doctor.

A physician Of Montpelier w.s In shs
habit Of employing a very ingenious
srtifice. When be came 20 q town
where be was not known, he pretended
20 have lost his dog, and ordered /. the
public crier 20 offer, with beat Of drum,
q reward Of twenty-five louis 20 who
ever shouid bring Il 20 him The criey
took care 20 mention all the titles ard
academic honOrs % the doctor. ss well
as his place Of residence He soon %.
came the talk OF the town DO yor
know, says one. that a famous phyx-
can has come here. very clever ssl-
lo'T7 be csust be very rich. FOR he o.
ters twenty-five louis for finding hia
dog The cog ass not found, bu: d.
tents wess
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

fused. The garden viii not bench
comfortably more than sixteen hum
bred dogs and the club Is DESTROYS to
make each succeeding show an advance
over the previous effort, in quality
rather than quantity. Varied and
valuable specials have been offered by
the various speciality clubs and private
individuals. Among the donors are: Tho
Mastifff, the ST. Bernard, the Collie, tho
Spaniel, the English Setter and tho
Pointer clubs, and J. Pierpont Morgan
offers handsome silver vase for the
best collie born in 1894.
In ST. Bernards there will be moth
ing new shown. In consequence OF tho
great mortality among the most noted
importations. the breed will not make
much Of a showing, as breeders do not
care, in face of the almost universal ILL
luck that has hitherto attended them, to
go very deeply into their pockets to i'm
port anything new. Sir Bedivere, that
cost upwards of 81 600 to import, will,
Of course. be there. He still retains his
almost faultless form and beauty of
expression, but as factor in the ad-
vancement OF the breed in America, he
has been a fat failure and has lire
paid the trouble and expense of impor-
tation.
English mastiffs will show some i'm
provement over last years exhibit,
even though the great English dog
Brampton Beauty has left these
shores for good and returned to her IA
tive isle, and Cautions Own Daugh-
ter has gone to the good dogs heaven.
Mr.. Winchell, of Fairhaven, Vt; Mr..
Bum, of Peoria, Ill, and DR.. Longest,
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08


of Boston, will show strong teams, as
well as several o.ner mastif enthus-
lasts
Bloodhounds and Great Danes ara
looking up. In the former breed DR..
Longest will show very strong team,
including the great European winner
''Alchymist' and others of his more re-
cent importations. Mr.. Winchell, as
usual, will also show picked kennel,
and between them the prizes will be
pretty nearly accounted for. Tho
Great Dane controversy. which has
been going on for the past year be-
tween the accepted authorities in this
special breed, as to the true type,
seems likely to be settled for all
time, as Herr Franz Peitscher, sec
rotary Of the Doggen Great Dance
club, of Berlin, is visiting this
country and, hearing of the APP
preaching show, has sent for his
six best dogs and has entered them for
competition at the coming show. These
include the great alexander" win
ner Of ten first and special prizes in
Germany. Herr Peitscher is the fore
most breeder of these dogs in Germany
and has won the government medals
for many years back. Alexander"
stands thirty-three inches at the shout
der and weighs one hundred and seven
~ pounds Herr Peitscher will also
bring over peter" which won the gov
eminent silver medal and four first and
special prizes at Munich in 1892. Herr
Peitscher claims that he has no Grip
plies among his dogs. such as are usu-
ally seen among this breed, ard at
tributes the fact to the manner in
which they are reared. His kennels
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
comprise about ten acres Of ground in

comprise about ten acres Of ground in
closed with fence six feet in height.
and st the end furthest from the house
the dog kitchen is situated. separated
from the main yard by a four-foot
fence. ia which holes are made suffi-
GENTLY large to permit Of egress by
puppies under three months of age
The larger dogs must jump the fence or
60 supperless 20 bed This training
makes them eIninentiy active and
many OF them can clear, on the au-
thority of Herr Peitscher. the six-foot
fierce with ease
The American Great Dane breeders
are nothing daunted. however. by the
array OF the Alexander kennels, as their
entries show. and such good ones as
'Molac, Ma for Mckinley and ''Star-
key are entered and stand good show
of winninN. especially when it i re-
membered that Mr.. James Taylor, of
Manchester, England. Is coming over 20
tuare this hreed- and tiAA l..rz.asn and
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
She Told Him the Reason Why.

"Why is it that you girls seem to
think so much more of the men who
come in here than you do of the wom-
emp" asked the man with an interroga-
ton point in his mind. ''Is it because
the men are more agreeable?" ''Oh!
no, replied the saleslady, with toss
of her head. at is because the men
are such ninnies that they don't know
what things are worth. II they do, it
doesn't matter, ii you only appear to
think they're awfully bright or awfuIly
good looking. Boston Transcript
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
STOLEN FROM THE VATICAN.
Precious Miniatures Have Repeatedly BesA
Stolen from, the FapaI Palace.

Stolen from, the Papai Palace.
Audacious and repeated thefts Of pre-
cious miniatures from the vatican
library have been detected in the fol-
lowing manner: Quite recently n per-
son offered for sale to Prof Chierici
some exquisite miniatures which he
said were copies Of those In certain
works in the vatican library. IL hap
pened that the professor had examined
the originals in their places In the vat
lean library, and was at once convinced
that the originals, and not copies, were
before him. He at once informed Mgr.
Carini. the vatican librarian, who verb
fed the fact that many precious minia-
lures were missing from ancient books
and parchments.
The police were communicated with,
and after some research two persons
have been arrested who, If not the
thieves, were undoubtedly in league
with them. One Is person who called
himself Prof. Sarci, of Palermo, but 10
identified as Giovanni Rapisardi. Of BIZ
ancavilla, in the province of Palermo
The other Is An antiquary named Ts<
vazZi
Among the stolen articles were forty.
one miniatures from a parchment vol-
ume of the year 100, entitled
"L'Omelia di Frate Giacomo." Seven
teen miniatures were also taken from
another parchment, entitled al Trioni
di Petrarca." OF the former thirty-nins
have been recovered. All the sales
were made to foreigners. A beautiful
portrait Of Donna Laura, cut from the
Petrarca manuscript, was sold at Flor
ence.
that these thefts were known at tho
vatican to have been going on for some
time, but that silence had been kept
from Discrimination TO appeal to the
Italian police authorities
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
A Softened Heart.

Little Dick-Mamma, may go and
PLAY with Robby Upton, and stay there
10 dinner if they ask me?
Mammal thought you didn't like
Robby Upton.
Il didn't, but as passed his house
inst now, my heart softened toward
aim"
did he lock look lonely?"
Nom: he looked happy"
What about?"
He said his mother was maxim apple
dumplingS. N. Y. Advertiser.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

dered or remedied- And If they are
clever worriers, all seasons and condl-
lions supply them occasions In the
summer, there is the heat, and the
dogs, ana hydrop aobia; in the win
ter. the cold and the smoking chin
news, and the slides on the sidewalks.
If they are travelling. the train goes
too quick; the luggage viii be lost;
and the last hotel bill was shameful
swindle. Or it rains, and they fret at
the weather as if il was the result OF
some ones bad misr-ana cement. They
ALWAYS have a Mordecai; and the mil
lenuium TO them would certainly be q
very dull time; for it would leave them
nothing 10 complain Of, and nothing to
worry about
Undoubtedly one of the smaller pleas
ures Of life is worrying: indeed the at
titude implies a comfortable exemp-
ton from real sorrow. For worries are
the shadows of success, and Of happl-
ness os many kinds; and real calami-
ties soon send them packing. When
men and women are in eXtremitieS,
when the home is breaking up, or the
grave is opeE, little things d. not signify.
Then there is no room for them, even
I'm the night season, which is emphatic
ally the hour when phantoms of unrest
esss,il the weak heart Indeed there
are very few who, at some time or
other. have not found such intangible
midnight foes impossible TO scatter;
every effort to drive them away being
as futile as beating a cloud with rid
ing whip. But when genuine sorrow
sits by the bedside, we forget that our
worries ever existed
The slight importance OF worries as
eompa,ed with real troubles is not the
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
COMING DOG SHOW
It Win Be the Biggest New York
Has Ever Seen.
Big Money In Bow-Wows-Members Of
the Four Hundred Who Will Put on
Exhibition Their Specimens Of
Blue-BloOded CANNES.
COPYRIGHT, 1895.

COPYRIGHT, 1851
In spite OF the hard times, which are
felt by the kennel-world. in common
with every other branch of stock-rais-
ing, the nineteenth annual dog show
of the Westminster Kennel club. which
opens at Madison Square garden, on
the 10Th of February, promises to
eclipse all previous efforts of this or
ganization.
Though still early. entries are pour
ing in rapidly, and it would not be sur
prising if many late entries were re-
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

oUs." figure. willy.
put that book down, it's too dark to
read. You Will spoil your sight" lie is
checked for his dress, for his manners.
for his speech. for his silence, until, IL
he is a sensitive boy, he feels himself
10 be cumberer of the earth. and. if he
be high-tempered boy. until he feels
that it would be JOY forever to pitch
into something or somebody.
We have all seen the pathetic. Won
Herring look in the eyes OF such tor
mepted children, as if they were trying
10 make out what they were sent into
the world for. And woman ca Do BILE
of this nagging to child whom she
really loves can tantalize and plague
and harass her husband into his grave
by q species OF the same kind Of slow
torture. Then her SyeS are opened to
his eXcellencies, and the man whom
she Systematically treated as incap-
able OF approaching her fine feelings,
and only fit TO worry her TO death
by his blindness and obtuseness, be-
comes very saint. for he furnishes
her with brsnd-new subject OF
fermentation. and one that may be ex-
1ended on every side, and be avail
able as hong as she lives. The virtues
of poor papa" are made TO throw a
white light on all her children's
shortcomings, and her suferings in
his loss to st into every other
worry, and give private piquancy 10
them She puts on the deepest mourn
Ing. she bushes al MUSIC and
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

all thefts and M
breakages; there is also cat in every
life, who fills the same sad position;
end if the worrier only selects her cat
with discrimination she may throw
great deal of blame on it, for she is
neither bound to give reasons, nor show
cause-that is the cats part.
Latterly worriers-nale and female
have sought far wider exploiter of
their grievances and fears. 1t has be-
come quite fashionable to ilnpart them
to the newspapers. Men worriers write
to the public about the wrongs they
suffer through the wide skirts, or the
high hats, or the big sleeves OF women.
They complain of their sidewalks, and
their gas bills, and the policeman on
their streets; or they worry to the
whole country concerning the need Of
reform, or the ineiiciency of the COM
ing woman for the duties of wifehOod.
Women write about the dog laws, or
the insolence OF servants, or the dis.
comforts OF certain railway. or the
bad management of their summer no.
tel ANY grievance viii do, for none OF
the worriers expect their wrongs to be
redressed or their fears to be reasoned
away. They write Tor the pure pleas
ure of airing their particular griev-
ance or of having their special grum-
BILE; for, however silly they are in that
direction, a man or woman must be
a lunatic. indeed. who thinks gas COM
panies will be made reasonable, or mil
liners change the fashions, or servants
become honest and respectful, by writ
ing to the papers about them
If a man or a woman has the appre-
hensive temperament, it Is very hard
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

Rpd give II SeHl-
blance and likelihood sufficient for
every fearful anticipation. But oh.
the folly OF suffering over and over
again calauities that may never hap
pen; and of planning for perpiexities
that may never be to unravel! Com
mon sense always retires from such
consultations, and leaves the magma
ton to play the tyrant over the trem-
bling heart and the weak VIII. The
nobler woman possesses herself until
misfortune enters her dwelling, then
clear-headed and strong-hearted she
meets and conquers, because she comes
10 her trial with all her physical and
mental powers alert. and so carries
with her into the contest the earnest Of
her victory.
AS general worriers, women are not
worse than small men, or than men
who stay much at home and potter
about the household affairs; but as
family WORKERS women can be deplora-
BILE sorrow makers. Many a mother
who really loves her children worries
their young lives, til they are lost and
stupid in the sea of their perplexities.
Say child has some natural deformity,
she harps rnon this string n constant
monody to her own i'll fortune in hav-
ing such an afiliction to bear day after
day. If another has any natural tricks
of manner. or aptitudes of mind, which
do not lit her natural mannerisms and
Rptitudes, the child suffers perpetual
correction. Perhaps it is a restless,
nervous boy, whose instincts would
lead him to constant movement and
racket The worrying mother does not
consider the child's hunger for adven-
sure and motion. she cannot be worried
out of her senses" by knowing he
is on the ice, or in the canoe,
or off to the woods with his
traps or gun. Has he not got books
and tools TO amuse him at home? And
yet if he stays at home he is likely TO
be subject to constant reproval or adj
vice. 1t is: willy, sit still. you make
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
a HAWK FROM nrayEf.
u Brought Onsa of Victory In TIE
Lat Great szv2s Battle

A curious memorandum ltroz. which
the following is extrzete6j has been
presented by Mr.. " Ito 70 the ni1ado,
and translated into English and for
warded 20 the London Times By tie
author himself: in the memorable Ia
val sgh: II the Yellow SEA desperate
engagement took place between the
fleets Of Japan and China from roou 20
dusk. and several Of the eDsraT's sh!r,s
were sunk and turned. the r.st taxing
their fight ], was nearly dark when
The battle ceaset- Jast then some
thing wss observed 70 c@Soe1d firm
the siries with . great force an
hoTer ABBOTT his nsssstys slip
Takachiao. and finally perch uyca
the top Of her r-sinrnsst. when
II vas o5serTed 20 be hawk The
commander q the ship. Capt :. Nom
uro. ordered one % the r1aTsoes - ~
cend the mas spd ssize TIE bird The
lst,e-, dropping is head, did no. a.
se=2- % Ssovs. bst ss>ssse.a Rad % ~
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
ANTIQUITY or THE JOKE
A Systematic strSJ TO Bs Made Of shs
Ezrnor Of ECyp--

The avo~ed iatentio1 q u Olivier
Beaarega-d. the eminent EgyPtologisi.
70 gublish few OF the EluEzniaef jokes
Of that ancient Empire q the Nile has
necessarily overwhelmed the great aost
q modern humo-isis with constcrIa---
ton says TIE Philadelphia Record
Eey-ut has beer claimed a. the great
mother o: alnost e-erythirg else sa-e
e. : tahr-s 1bz-c which lis beea
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

$50 700 presided q: the head of "a.
table. chr
Yes
noa en joyed the ocess.on. did yosr
well. ] had 70 ear-e . goose aad
SD ~ ,znsoasiy enterta!n two sylnsters
OF either side. who doa's speak. in aeh
way "a no; 70 unlts them In eosvus.
Ition- z4yc-
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
Good Advice.

Many er young man" said Uncle
Eben, makes the mistake OBJ his life
in lookin' fob consolation in poh'try
when he orter be takin' some good
reli'ble liver medicine. "-Washington
Star
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

not to w orry.
But conquest is
possible to those
determined tC
achieve it. And
in this direc-
ton they may
first res e,
that If they can
not avoid wor-
rying. they will,
a t ] e a S t, not
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

at hand-a weak
husband. a will
full child, a poor
relation, q false
friend, a dishon-
c 6 t Serya d t.
T b ere is not
only a cat in
every house who
is answerable for
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
SPLENDID ADVICE

Ethelbort-HiII y0u grant ne o1t
las; fond embrace before we part fc--
ever?
Winifred- e-.'niy. Il were yoH
I'd fondly embrace tie opportunity 20
get out before papa comes down
I.--iiai. xeak..
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

WIZ SaAy ~Az SIX, 10 gas. her caswA
= assa ~ sss cAlse. Ass es1sa for c.<o<sA-
sssa - h>1asns Ms, 80 esssax 70 cs1<zz4a.
= assz siss h-e caa<-rrz. sas rare ben C4xor.a.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08
WOMEN WHO WORRY
Amelia e. Barr on One Of Lies
Smaller Pleasures
! Cat IN Every House-lt Serves TO Throw
the Blame On-Shadows OF HaPpi.
ness That Retire Before Real
Calamitiee.
ICoPYRrGHT. 1851

OMEN Go not
have a monopoly
of worrying by
any means, but
they have a spe-
cial gift in tho
selection of their
worries. L hey
take one that is
many-sided, that
is intermittent,
and that cannot
be easily squan-
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

Dnly phase Of the
complaint: wom-
IN are partic
nlarlv clever at
worrying over
sone anticipated
evil. No matter
how problemat-
icsl, or how dis
tant the grief
may be, they d.
vine it afar Oh,
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

nc u crV u s.
Willy, do not GO
TO the barn. IL is
showing. Willy,
do not make that
noise, You give
me n headache.
Willy, do sit
straight, You are
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-02-08

of Boston, will show strong teams, as
well as several o.ner mastiff enthus-
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-03-29
ABOUT HOUSEHOLD UTENSILS

COMBS are found in the earliest known
graves.
BLOOMS were used in Egypt two
thousand years before Christ.
buttons were used in Troy. Schlie-
mann found over 1900 of gold.
NEEDLES antedato history They
We're first made in America in 1850.
LAMPS were used before written his
tory. Thousands OF ancient lamps have
been found.
CURTAINS were employed for bed
steads lin the eleventh century; they
were afterwards transferred to win
dows.
TEA pots were the invention of either
the Indians or the Chinese, and are of
uncertain antiquity. They came to
Europe with tea in 1910.
DISHES of gold and silver used in table
service in 900 u. c. were found at Troy
by DIR. Schilemann. One of these was
about the size now employed.
OUTER blinds for windows were I'm
known until the fourteenth century.
The Venetian or interior blinds are so
called because they were first used in
Venice.