The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-09-15

3 3 3 3 & )
Thanks; that will do.
The meanest thing l ever heard of
was done by young man with good
education.
will tell you about it.
His name was Howard p. Duncan,
and knew him very we'll. Wo were
educated together and graduated on the
came shinglc, was about to say. But
ho had more ingenuity than l. Ee could
make tho tutor believe that the moon
was made Of green cheese, whereas I
could not even make the same faculty
believe what it already knew If said
that the earth was round like ball and
slightly depressed at the poles, for the
first time there would be- feeling of
doubt in the minds of my Instructors.
But Howard, after delivering the
valedictory, went forth into the world
for himself. He felt certain repus-
nance to industry which showed that
his blood had slight aristocratic tinge.
He tried two or three easy professions,
but finally turned his back toward them
all. He was offered situation at $40
per month to teach, but turned bitterly
on his heel and said with some aspcrity
that Tho would rather pump thunder in
hell at cents ~ clap" Those were his
very words
That remark was tho index to tho
mans whole character. He would saw
things ut all times that other people aft
erward bitterly regretted
Finally he developed II new disease,
and his autopsy was extremely promis-
Ing For this reason he was greatly
sought after by the medical colleges He
was offered over 500 for his remains.
But he hung out. His boyhood homo
had offered him $500 to 90 away and
remain, to which his father had offered
to add $500. He asked INV advice. and
told him to hang out for 81 900, for
felt sure it would be given. This proved
to be true. l helped to make up the
amount.
Finally he got five of tho ablest med
zeal colleges above 500 and sold his
carcass 20 each of them
Then, stricken by remorse, no came to
tho mercy seat, thinking that it would
be just the thing for sedentary man,
embraced Christianity and three or four
OF tho most desirable workers III tho
Ladies auxiliary, became u missionary,
Went TO the tropics, and week after
he landed the chief had him ND mt his
house for dinner.
repeat this just to show how mean
n man can be TO Il medical college that
never by word or deed has harmed him
i'll tho least. Did you over notice how
few valcdictorians get to be president?
They all ut once i'll lifc's early morn
seem to find themselves great, and tho
next morning they awake to find they
have slept it off.
Boys, remember this and he comfort
ed when you arc not chosen valedicto-
, rian. Be brave, Industrious, honest and
temperate. Temperance is said to be one
OF the best things we have.
a bushel of corn makes a gallon of
whisky, worth on the market $l6. On
this the government gets So 60 Cor
moro now. The farmer gets 30 cents.
(This is too much. Tho railroad gets
$l The manufacturer gets SD. The
vender gets 80. And the consumer gets
the rest, which consists mostly of red
and blue cogwheels in his head and n
rich flow Of animal and vegetable spir-
its.
The gentleman correspondent mt New
buryport will do we'll to treasure up the
above figures and cling moro closely to
the dear cid pump or tho old oaken
bucket, the Hobollen bucket that hung
i'll the we'll
Several correspondents write to ask
i'll most courteous manner to know
why have a,id nothing about the bicy-
clio and the new woman This is easily
explained. Others are saying and doing
enough i'll this line, SO that my silence
could not be noticed am the friend of
both tho bicycle and the new woman,
and yet both have their enemies. lieut.
the following ad. from The Rocky Noun
tain News of Denver:
Wanted. To trade a cure for rup-
turo for ladies' bicycle; 81 Opera House
block. -
Possibly, however, this is only figur-
alive and refers to Il disagreement he
tween husband and wife, which the
peacemaker wishes to euro by getting
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