The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1895-03-07
NOVEL GUARANTEE.
A COMPANY THAT FURNISHES GER
TlFlCATES TO:WoOERS.

A Boon to the busy Man With Il Mar
riageable Daughter Rather One sided,
as the WIFE l. Not Hound-An Inter
viewer of Whom Something Was known.
Seeing the sign over the door, | enter
ed. II YOU wish 10 confer with the
presiden. sir, , said the young a in
front, you will find him in his private
Office" and thanking him l entered the
rear room, where a pleasant faced a
greeted me cordially.
Wont you be seated:' he said.
grasping" me by the hand. is your
Observation-Disclosures
mot at all l replied. "As l was
passing Ivy l thought l would stop in
and inquire into the nature and scope
Of the Lovers Guarantee company,
which I see advertised so extensively"
"'Certainly. he responded. Il shall
be only too glad to inform you what we
are here for. The Lovers Guarantee
company was formed for the purpose of
securing good husbands to all maidens
iAtt llIlbiilallg liSllliCt, ah liz SICht
success we have met with thus far
proves that there is an excellent reason
for our existence. The average man of
affairs has little time to look up the
character and antecedents of the young
fellow who applies for his daughters
hand. We look him up, and if he is sat
~isfactory he gives US a bond, which en-
titles him to a certificate guaranteeing
him to be all that he claims. This bond
may be good for FIVE OF ten years. A
mans financial status is of course easy
to determine, but it is into tho finer at.
tributes of character that we examine
particularly. Our certificate is an abso-
We have to be particular, for should the
wife at any time insist upon a separa-
ton and show cause under the contract
We would have to pay all her legal ex.
penses and furnish her a new husband
or make owe to her certain payments.'
"But suppose" said !, latter the
man is married of, there develops some
hidden trait, some idiosyncrasy that
causes unhappiness. but not separation.
what do you do them"
"Such cases., replied the president
Of the Lovers Guarantee company, ARE
rare, but of course they do occur. In a
case like this we examine into the cause
Of the difficulty, and if the man be
wrong the fact that he is under bond
gives rs a power over him, and generally
we bring him to terms
, But" said I, suppose the woman
in the case is wrong?'
This, explained the president, lis
extremely unfortunate. as we have no
Of reaching her direct, having no
power. over her. We can, however, ad-
wise the man what to do, generally with
most feacitous results. As q rule, these
differences come from ignorance on both
sides. Where they are extreme and a
separation is advisable we have in our
employ the best lawyers, and divorces
are obtained in the most private way.
1--WE have in u employ one of the
most eminent phrenologists in the coun-
try, who examines the heads of all ap-
plicants. Our head physician, who gave
up q large practice to come with us, has
. growing staff Of assistants, and these
look carefully into the physical condi-
sion Of the applicants. You may depend
upon it that when an applicant has sue
cessfully run the gauntlet we lay ont for
him he will make q good husband. We
advise all young married people to have
homes OF their own, no matter how
humble, and have a home bureau through
which a member can obtain advice on
the most desirable way to live, the best
locations, a list of houses and apart
ments and the lowest rents. BY this
means we are enabled to make an ar
rangement with landlords so that our
patrons can obtain certain discounts and
privileges. We're you thinking--ahem!
of entering upon the new life?:'
"Oh, no. l replied modestly. II am
already married. and" added laugh
ingly. "Idon't suppose cases Of this sort
come under your Jurisdiction"
Indeed they do" replied the presi.
dent of the Lovers Guarantee company.
1--WE have lately formed q department
for the benefit Of married people and
find it to be a great success. For a small
sum yearly, i'll advance, we furnish la
dies with advice as to the proper man
agement Of husbands and direct them
how to act i'll special emergencies. For
instance, should a husband be called
away o frequently at night OF bust
ness, imbibe too freely-I may say this
is Ii OF u greatest obstacles - or
should ne become i'll natured or non
tractable, we tell her what to do.
"Is this department secret"
MOT at all" he responded Indeed
we invite publicity. Such is our repu-
tation that the mere fact made known
to a man that his name is on our books
will have a tendency to bring him to
ais senses
my dear sir" said I warmly as l
o to go. lyon are accomplishing a
great work, and l am glad l called in to
see you Then, thanking him, l was
about to depart when he stopped me
oourteously.
Excuse me-" he said, but would
you mind giving me your name: l al
ways like to take down the names of all
our friends"