Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-06-27


Dear summer maiden. would say
The incest way to WOO
This season Is to swing all day
In hammock built for two.
Judge.
Teddie-"What are woman's righ3
Ipa" Pa-"Eyerything they want. my
boy; always remember that."-Boston
Courier.
you seem to be cultivating old
Kajones. What do You see about him
to admire" His daughter Laura
Chicago Tribune.
Nell-"I wouldn't be In your shoes
for anything" Belle (sweetly)-"You
couldn't get into them, my dear
Somerville Journal.
Mrs Hazeum-"Ho In the world did
your husband get so terribly chokedY'
Mrs. Snapper-"Eatin' homeless cod
fish."-Boston Courier.
Student (translating)-"And -er =
then-er-er-er-we = and -er."
Professor-"Don't laugh, gentlemen, to
err Is human."-Life.
Wife-"That's perfect dream Of a
bonnet" Husband-"Yes; but Ill bet
it cost regular nightmare Of price"
Philadelphia Record.
at was Henry Clay, was 1t not, who
said: Il would rather be right than
President? Eyes, but he wasn't"
How" "He was eft."-Brooklyn
Life.
| Miss Amateur-"Are you musical,
Prof. Bisten" Prof. Bisten-"Yes; but
II you were going to play anything.
don't mind my feelings. Sing
| Courier.
you told me-" said the weary collec-
tor. Ito bring this bill the first" EYES,"
replied the editor, "but meant the first
time had any money."-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
Trolley car conductor-"Settle, now,
or get off," Dignified citizen-"What
do you take me for, sir?" Conductor
''Fi' cents, same as anybody else."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
"It seems to me-" observed Criticus.
shat Scribbler's book reads as though
he were addicted to the BOTTLE" EYES,"
assented Wagg. ''To the mucilage bot
tle."-Harper's Bazaar.
Whyte-"I thought you said your wife
wrapped up this bundle" Browne-'T
did" Whyte-"You must be mistaken.
There isn't a pin in the wrapping-paper
anywhere. "-Somerville Journal.
The grass was parched until all men
Who gazed on it were panied;
He bought garden hose, and then
1t rained and rained and rained.
Washington Star.
"Mr. 'Triolet," said Mr.. Snaggs, with
facetious air, chow Is the poetic IL
cense paid?" with postage stamps,
generally" replied the maker Of verses,
with sigh.-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-
| graph.
whats the matter, Major?" 1.-THE
matter, Miss TomsonY' swell, why
are you so sobery' "G-g gracious, Miss
Tomson! you wouldn't like me to be
always intoxicated. would you?"-Tle
(, Sketch.
Agnes-I think Mr. Stowe is horrid!
He asked me for kiss the other even
ing, and of course said no. Gladys
! What did he do then? Agnes-That's
| just it. He didn't do anything
Record.
Mrs. Fogg-Only think of it. They
do say that Mr.. Figg was seen playing
whist last Sunday. Isn't it awful?
Mr.. Fogg-But then you must remem-
Der that Figg plays so orly.-Boston
Transcript
81 hear that you are engaged to
| girl with an ideal. You are likely to
find that sort Of girl pretty hard to get
along with" "Oh, I guess I am all
right. You see, am the ideal."-Cin-
cinnati Tribune.
Col. Brown-By Jove! Miss Lilyblow,
how the costumes and makeup alter
people. hardly knew you. Miss Lily.
blow-Do look q fright then? Col.
Brown-On the contrary, you look
charming.-Judge.
Caller-I'm going to send my little girl
to cooking school ut once. "Does she
care for such things?" Caller-Dear me,
no; but am sure she will make good
cook, she breaks SO many lovely dishes.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Owner-I want you to sell these
horses for me. Auctioneer-I see their
tails are locked. Well have to sell
them at wholesale. Owner-Whatl
Auctioneer-Well, can't retail them
Philadelphia Record.
Presiding Magistrate-How came you
to enter the premises? Prisoner
Please, your worship, 2 a. m, no police
about, an open window on the ground
fioor-you would have climbed In your
self!-Fliegende Blaetter.
my expenditures never exceed my
receipts" said Hawkins. "Mine do"
sighed Wilkins. "In fact, 1 am very
much afraid shall never have any
receipts for some Of my last years ex-
penditures. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Proud Mother--You haven't kissed
the baby. Bachelor Uncle-Um-cr-
I'll try to remember next time. I'll kiss
her when er--come back from Europe.
"When will that be-" "Let-me-see.
About sixteen years."-New York
Weekly.
When you leave an article with your
uncle-he of the three golden globes-it
Is a question In his mind, perhaps,
whether or not you will redeem 1t; but
1t can truly be said that he awaits the
result with interest.--Boston Trans
script.