The morning times., 1895-09-22
Parties From Afar Who Had to
Be Led by Guides.
THOSE FROM AWAY BACK
Exploring the Various Points of In
terest In the CapitOl-Quaint and
Comicnl Comments on Pictures,
Statuary and Bronzes-Three Short
Stories That Are New In Print.

at the Capitol told the Times YESTERDAY
three clever short stories which have new
er been in print. and they are stories a Il the
incidents of which are true. The guide
by the way, was in jolly good humOr
In the course OF a talk oil the pictures on
the wall. the whispering gallery. the
crypt and other wonders OF his special
baiiiwick, he said that business had been
wonderfully good for the past six wee'.
The G.. A. r. excursions, the Knights
Templar coDclave, had brought crowds
through Washington and a very fair pro
portion OF them staid over to be told
by the guides about Commodore Perry.
Henry VII, Christopher Columbus, Piza-
no and Pccahontas.
A II guides are good takers, ever since
Virgil took Dante on a tour of hell and the
outlying precincts They are necessarily
| garrulous; they are paid at the rate Of
so cents an hour for talking and they can
rattle off an eternity of history in that
, eventful hour. They are proverbially po-
lite. phlOsophic and courteous gentlemen.
A great many are like the girl in the song
| who had seen better days, bat every now
| and then you are conscious that you are
being talked TO parrotically, so to speak,
just rs il graphophone were getting in
| its work ON you from dictation.
KNOW THINGS BY HEART.
The guide said all this and he ought to
/ know. AS n preface to his jokes he said
! that when he first became guide 80 years
Z ago he knew things by heart. One day he
/ was talking to a party IN front OF the
! great Rogers bronze door which tells
/ the story OF Columbus and had reached
! at the end OF his torrent of words. words,
I words" tie bronze relefs of Henry VII,
Alexander VI and John ii of Portugal.
"Onc OF the girls i'll the party" he said.
who, / thought, was naGginG at me al
day AMI trying to embarrass me by her ac-
( tual knowledge of things. said:
Now, AIR. Guide, here is big historical
blunder here Alexander lived more than
1000 years before Henry VII, and had
nothing in the world 10 do with Columbus"
THAT just knocked me out; l didn't
know what to say. but l was the guide,
you know, and / had to say something, so
| thought I'd draw to the king that was
left. and Faid: Yes. Miss. that objection
to the work has often been made. and very
correctly. The artist ought to have known,
as we all do that if was John III OF Portu-
gal and Alexander the Great who were
cronics, and that Henry VII wasn't in II
in those days
II never knew why the whole party heard
my explanation in thick silence until
told the story to Mr.. Lodge. who came to
Congress some years afterward. Mr.. Lodge
told me that the Boston girl and party
were simply dazei by my knowledge OF
history: but l haven't been caught apollo
gizins for the bronze door since that time"
But the joke is not always on the guide,
at least not OF this one.
"A week ago he said, "a big party
came here from. York. 1t was about t.
most composite. Heterogeneous mass OF
nIen and women ever saw. l walked nut
to the edge uf the circle in front of the
Capitol where saw likely locking crowd
which thought might personally conduct
GOOD TINE TO BEGIN
They accepted my escort and as we were
approaching the door 1 thought | would
begin my speech On the left of the head
of the steps ur Il high block is the marble
croupuf Columbus withhisa rm outsiretched,
his hand holding a sphere, and Just below
tim crouching figure. began in my
usual grandiloqucut manner in this way:
fttE9It you ON NHc Itlt IL
Ion. never mind about that une,' said
a sGueaky female voice We've seed them
in Philadelphia We reckon we know the
pitcher and catchero of the Washington base
ba Il nine.
Il knew was going 10 have trouble with
that party, and | did. They were all in
terested iii things in ldckadaisical sort Of
way, ana especially ore old woman, who
usually looked al an entirely diffrent thing
when l was talking abCit another. made
up my mind Ia make an example of her
when | got into the whispering gallery,
into which they We're all eager to hurry. /
explained the wonderful old clock of Fran
zoni 10 them, ard then pitched into the
whispering gallery business.
Il was determined to make that silent wo-
man speak / took the bull by the horns,
or rather the old lacJ by the shoulders,
and fixed her firmly on one of the squares, |
and then took my own position on another |
square. II never missed fire till then. l I
whispered softly a message to the old lady, |
bat she made no response. l whispered |
again and again, and by this time the party
go, little tired. One of the party, a rather
good looking Priscilla, came over TO me
and said:
'Mnat are you a-dOlng.
~ am whispering To the lady. 1 have
whispered four times and she hasn't an
swered'
Il reckon she didn't said Priscilla.
That's my aunt If you had hollered at her
she wouldn't a heard you. She's deef'
Thereafter l never tried to whisper to
a deef woman from York.
SHE WAS MISTAKEN.
.About a week ago 1 was asked by
visitor who had come to the Capitol on
the street line: who was the author of
Christ and the Magda lene?" 1 asked
the lady where she saw it. She told the
location and l had the pleasure of explain
ing to her that that was the bronze group
represen ting Lincoln emancipating the
rrouching slave. She didn't know that
MagdaleDe was not brunette or that the
Saviour didn't wear double-breasted
frock coat.
''But the story that in my experience
takes the cake took place at the Naval
or as it is called now, the
Peace monument AS you know the stat
nette of Peace is in q frightful state Of
nudity from the waist up. She is rep
resented with an agricultural product in
her right hand. / was looking at it and
on its beuaty to an old farm
er one day. He listened attentively to
all had to say and after while said mus
ing1y: What did you say that might be?'
THAT is the figure-very classical
of woman sowing the seeds Of peace and