The Black Hills union. [volume] (Rapid City, Pennington County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1889-1904, 1895-07-26

L W 0VOhkAW LuC usual lCCOACACS0 WOuA0
follow. There was no gracious looking
forward 90 a pleasant dinner; no trem-
bling anticipations in hope and e OF
what might be preparing; no cheerful
contemplation of the joint while the
carver sharpens his knife; no discus
sions of flavor and richness; no mod
estly llazarded conclusions as to more
currants; no rolling of the wine glass
in the fingers to the light, and smack
ing of lips over the first sip-all these
things were lost to me. Reader, II
ishaply this memoir ever sees a posthu.
nous light. think what would happen
to yourself if eating and drinking,
those perennial joys of humanity,
which last from the infantine pap to
the senile Reyalenta Arabica, were
taken away.
All things tasted alike, as l have
said, and cold mutton formed my sta
pie dish. AS l could only distinguish
between beer. wine, coffee and tea by
the look. I drank water. If l ventured,
which was seldom, to take my dinner
at a cook-shop. l would choose my
piece de resistance by the look, by
some fancied grace in the shape, but
not by taste or smell. The brown Of
roast beef might attract me n day
and repel me the next. / was pleased
with the comeliness Of a game-pie, OF
tickled by some ineXplicable external
charm of a beefsteak pudding. But
three-quarters of my life were gone,
and with them all my happiness.
II you have no appetite for eating,
you can enjoy nothing in the world.
This is an axiom. l could not taste,
therefore my eyes ceased to feel de
light in pleasant sights, and my a
in pleasant sounds. 1t was not with
me as in the case of a blind man, that
an abnormal development of some
other sense .ensued; quite the contrary.
In selling one. I seemed to have sold
them all. For, as l discovered, man is
one and inseparable; you cannot split
him up: and when my arch-deceiver
bought my appetite, he bought me o.
and out. A wine-merchant might as
we'll pretend to sell the boquet Of claret
and preserve the body; Or a painter the
color of his picture and preserve the
drawing: or Il sculptor the grace Of his
group and keep the marble.
AS regards other losses, l found I
had lost the perception of beauty III
form or color. Why this was so I
cannot explain. l was no longer. I
suppose. in harmony with other men
on any single point. Pretty women
passed me unheeded; pictures had no
charm for me; music was only irritat-
ing to my nerves.
Then l found that I had lost the
power Of sympathy. I had formerly
been Il soft-hearted man. I remarked
now that the sight OF suffering found
me entirely callous. There was a poor
family living about half a mile from
me, whose acquaintance l made
through buying some of my supplies of
them. They We're in distress for rent;
they applied to me-there, l cannot
bear to think Of it. I had the money
and I refused them. They were sold
up, and l sat in my door and watched
them on their way to London-the
mother, the two girls. the little boy,
hand in hand, homeless and penniless,
without u pang and without a single
prompting OF the heart to help them.
God knows what became of them.
May He forgive me for the hard
hearted cruelty with which l regarded
their fate.
Had 1, then, sold everything to this
man?
l had been pretty religious in a way
"a young mans way. Now | had lost
all religious feeling whatever. l q
once ambition and hopes, these Werts
gone | had once the capacity OF love,
that was gone; [ had once a generous
heart, that was gone; l once loved
things worth loving, I felt no emotion
now for anything. l was a machine
which could feel. l was a man with
the humanity taken out of him.
This time lasted for about four
months. On the first of each month l
went to receive my pay-the wages OF
sin-from the clerk, who surveyed me
critically. but said nothing till the
morning of the fourth month. Their.
while he handed me my money, hs
whispered confdentially across tho
table.
"Look here, old fellow, you knows
you're going it worse than poor To1u
Kirby. Why don't you stop it? .What
is the good of a feller's drinking hln-
self to death? The old gentleman was
here yesterday. asking me how you
looked, and il you continued steady.
Pull up, old man, and knock it off"
I took tire money in my trembling
hands and skunk away abashed. Wheu
got home again. l am not ashamed to
saw that l cried like a child.
Delirium tremens! That would begin
soon, and then the end would not ba
far off. 1t was too awful. Think ct
nv position. I was but four-and.
twenty. Not only was I deprived OF
the pleasure-mind you, a very zeal
pleasure Of eating and drinking;
was the most temperate man in the
world, though that was no great credit
70 mrsnlf consolidating: vet / bore