The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1895-08-23

mons to Mr.. Biggar, who had been
nagging Sir Patrick for the fun hs
could get out of 1t. "Sor!" said tho
latter, "if were to say to this house
that regarded the honorable member
Tor Cavan with contempt and disdain.
what would the house reply? SOr, the
house would say: Put, inc bhoy, roight
We are
General Gordon. of Georgia, tells
the following story of the war period
to illustrate the slrinkagc Of the con-
federate currency: zone day a cayal-
ryman rode into camp OH q reasonably
good horse. Hello, cavalryman.' said
o foot-soldier /, "I'll give you three
thousand dollars fer your horse,'
You 90 Ito the bad place. was the
llorscman's reply; Il just paid ono
thousand dollars to have him cur.
ried.'
There was once a prominent man in
Chicago who had very exalted opin-
ion Of his own city. He died, and.
when he reached his eternal home.
he looked about him with much sur.
prise and said to the attendant who
had opened the gate for him: 'Really,
this does great credit to Chicago. I
expected some change In heaven"
The attendant eyes the Chicagoan q
second, anl then observed: ",rhis isn't
heaven"
Sir John Hopkins, admiral of tho
British feet which came here on the
occasion of the Columbian celebration
or 1888. appeared OH deck in a fine
new uniform. and said to Julian Ralph
who was his guest ON the Blake Mt tho
time: "Will you look at me-" "Sir
John. said Ralph. II should think you
would feel proud" "Pr-roud, me
boy" said Sir John; "Im as pr-roud
as puppy dog with gladiolus in his
One day Maurice Barrymore drop
ped In at the Lambs Club and met a
few congenial friends. "By the way.
boys" he said, show is dear old Joe
Holland! Where is lie now! I should
% like to see him." why, he's play.
Ing over in Philadelphia Mt Mrs..
Drcw's theatre. Why don't you jump
on the train this afternoon and run
over there. You'll see him play Bru-
tus in Julius Caesar tonight" "I'd
love to do so," said barrymore. en-.
thustastically. but, thank God, I
can't"
A neighbor, whose place adjoined
Bronson Alcott's, had vegetable
garden, in which he took a great IN
terest. Mr.. Alcott. had one, also, and
both men We're especially Interested,
In their potato patches. One morning
meeting by the fence, the neighbor
said: "l1ow Is 1t, Mr.. Alcott, you are 4
never troubled with bugs, while INV
vines are crowded with them:" "My
friend" replied Mr.. !Alcott. Il rise very
early In the morning. gather all the
bugs from my vines, and throw them
into your yard"
An English clergyman, who was sud.
denly called on to preach to congre.
CATION Of college students. was unable
to speak without notes. and had only
one written sermon with him, which
was on the duties of the married state.
The topic was hardly one that he
would have chosen for the OCCASION.
but he hoped that 1t would pass mus.
ter as being appropriate by anticipa-
tion. But unfortunately he did not
read the sermon over, and so, before
he knew 1t, he had uttered
this appeal: "And now, word to YOU
who are mothers
When. after the second battle of Bull
Run. General Sicklcs. assumed COM
mand of division OF the Army Of tho
Potomac. he gave an elaborate fare
we'll dinner to the officers of his old
Excelsior Brigade. "Now, boys, we
will have family gathering" he said
to them. as they assembled in Ills
quarters. Pointing to Il table, he con-
tinucd: Treat 1t as you would the
enemy."As the feast ended. nm Irish
officer, Captain Byrnes, was discover.
ed by Sickles in the act of slowing
away three bottles of champagne in
his sad,lle-bags. "What are you do
tng sir?' gaspel the astonislicd gem
eral. "Obeyins orders, SIR" replied
the captain. in firm voice; .'you told
us to treat that dinner as we would
the enemy. and you know, general.
what we can't kill, we capture
Wordsworth was present Mt a public
dinner one night, wien lie was inform.
cd that Stephenson, tho celebrated en-.
ginecr, was present. While the latter
was building tho Skerrievore light
house he had been In the habit of
swinging tn q hammock during the
evenings and reading the "Excurslcn,"
This was told Wordsworth, who was
delighted. AT the end of the dinner.
he was called upon for speech. He
rose and said: Gentlemen. 1 can not
make speech; ! never did. and am
afraid l never shall. But there is a
gentleman here, present, Mr.. Stephen.
RON. the great engineer. and if you call
upon him to speak. he will doubtless
tell you something that will interest
you more than anything 1 could say:
he Will tell you how he passed the long
summer evenings when lie was build.
Ing the Skerricvore lighthouse.
In New York town which has n
colony OF colored people one big dar.
key was one dsy employed in setting
put shrubs on ,ile lawn of n handsome
estate. The master of the house was
nowhere to be seen. and number OF
The gardeners friends were leaning
70 mfortably on the fence watching
The operations. Another (larkey driy-
,r for 4 physician living next door.
looked curtously at this row Of s,ccta.
tors. and then addressed the doctor.
who was just getting into his buggy.
Doctor Wilson," he said. s0lemniy,
'dere's somebody dead Mt Massa
tones's. sartin sure "Deadr echoed
tho doctor; no such thing. Caesar.
should have heard of 1t IL there had
)een any illness in the family"
Well, sah," said Caesar, pointing
o the row Of sable individuals hang.
ng on the pickets. "if dere amt mo-
,ody dead to Massa Jones's, sab.
len wat fer is all dis yer mournins
trung along the fence?'
At a small railway station in tho
lilly part Of Alabama an old man, car
wing carpet-bag and accompanied
" his wife, boarded the train. They
ook the first seat. the old lady sit.
ing next the window. 1t was appar-
mt that this was their first railway
Quincy. The train started. and they
10Th looked eagerly from the window,
md. as the speed Increased, look Of
;ecnest anxiety gathered on the old
ady's face. She srasped her hus-
and's arm aud said. In voice plain-
Y audible to those abOut her. tyooD