Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-04-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

NUN VT
A bookkeeper is one who borrows
but never returns. Life.
There is more history to be made
than ever was r.tten-Judge.
The very safest train to take is the
| one that Immediately follows dis
aster. Puck.
A curious sociological fact-That
the Old Girl frequently develops into
the New Woman. Life.
Some people know good thing
when they see it, and others think it
ought to take notice of them. Puck.
1t is believed that even the old
woman who lived in shoe insisted on
having it several sizes too small. =
Puck.
'See here!" said the cup to the
coffee, "your account has been stand
ing long enough. It's about time you
settled. Life.
"The pleasantest way to take cod
liver oil, !" says an old gourmand, sis
to fatten pigeons with it, and then eat
the pigeons. "-Tit-Blts.
Little Freddie, in dark cellar
with his uncle, clinging to him in
great fear, said: "We amt afraid, are
we, Uncle Tom" ?"-Judge.
To-day brown curs are clustering
Upon her forehead, bless her;
Time flies, twelve hours elapse, and
They're clustering on her dresser.
Puck.
Mr.. Park Hill-''Were you aware
of the fact that the gentleman who sat
beside you at supper was baron?"
FIR. Harlem Hites-''No, but l judged
from his conversation that he was
barren of ideas. New York Ledger.
Attorney-'I have no fears of
woman filling all TIE avenues of pub
lie life." Lady--''And why SOP"
Lawyer -''Where is the woman who
will claim TO be the peer of the mod
ern juryman." = Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"You brought all that beautiful
china back with you?" exclaimed the
caller. 'Didn't you break any
thing?" "Nothing but the customs
laws" replied the smiling young lady.
who had just returned from Europe.
Chicago Tribune.
'I understand" said the masculine
gossip, "that the Due de Binklebeau
is to marry Miss Millions" "Well,"
replied the N an who is in the publish
ing business, "that won't be the first
financial success due to catchy title.
Washington Star.
Mamma" said Willie, ''do you
pay Jennie SIS a month for looking
after me?' "No, $16," said mamma.
''She is good nurse and deserves it.
"Well, l say, ma, I'll look after my
self for $40. You'll save $6 by it.. y
Harper's Young People.
Chronic Grumbler-'Look here!
There's no meat in this sandwich.
Affable Waiter -'Hhen why do you
that a gentleman of your erudition
should commit such solecism in
rhetoric. Boston Transcript.
What's the use of all this fuss and
worry and questioning about what the
men are going to do while their wives
are at literary clubs developing their
minds? If worst comes to worst the
men can stay at home and look after
the baby, can't they ?-Fresno Repub-
lican.
"Well, Mrs. Parslow, suppose you
are doing as many other ladies do
nowadays, taking lessons on the BIZ
cycle?" "No, Mr.. johnson, am not.
All the lessons l have had 50 far have
been off the bicycle, but I hope soon
to take them on it, as you suggest. -,
Harper's Bazaar.
Timid Guest-'I have delicate
wife, and if stop at your place want
to be sure there is good doctor near
by" Aspiring Clerk (briskly) You
needn't be alarmed, sir. We've got q
fine man within call. Why, he has
just pulled through six of the toughest
cases of smallpox 1 ever heard of. -
Brooklyn Life.
Son-in-Law Ito Register)--'T iist
cam tae register the daith O ma
mither-1n Register - ''When
did she die?" Son-in n-law-"Weel,
the fac is, sh's no jest deid yet; but
the doctor says she's gaun tae gle us
that grief vera sune, sac l thocht it
MIGHT be as weel tae provide against
conteengencies. ''-Household Words.
''The other day was walking be-
side railway line with a man who
was very hard of hearing. A train
was approaching, and as it rounded
the curve. the whistle gave one OF
those eardestroying shrieks which
seem to pierce high heaven. A smile
broke over the deaf mans face.
THAT is the first robin, said he, 'that
have heard this spring. Life.