Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1895-07-18
WILL you BE "oFFn OR ~FRoM9i
Catechism to which Some Would-be
Railroaders Have to Submit.

ntu anu an dppllCdul lOI puSlliOu ds
a passenger conductor:
where did you come FROM
From General Manager St. John,
of the Chicago, Burlington & Quincy"
What did you come here to do?'
ITO learn to subdue my energies and
improve the railroad service
"nhen you are a railroad man, l in
fer?"
i am so taken to be by all officials
who know their business"
How may know you to be rail-
road MANI?
by looking over my letters and ex-
aiming me in the signals. Try me-
''How will you be tried:"
by the punch"
why by the punch?'
Because it is an emblem of honesty
and principal tool of my profession"
Where were you first prepared to
be railroad man."
I'm my mind"
where next?'
Upon farm adjoining the right of
way
How We're you prepared?"
"By braking upon ] threshing ma
chine for six months, after which !
went to town and sought admission to
the trainmaster's clerk
How We're you received.'
Upon the gaze of the tranmaster
applied to my physiognomy which is
thus explained: As it is always a source
of great pleasure to the trainmastcr to
receive callers, ! should drop in and
chat with him little while upon
every occasion possible"
''How We're you disposed of"
Il was seated in chair near the
administers desk ard asked if | put
my trust in safety coupling Devices
Your answer"
Not if | know myself / don't"
what was then done with you?"
II was led up and down the yard
three times to accustom myself o-the
noise of the trains, thence TO the chief
dispatcher.
How We're you then disposed off,
II was seated upon brake wheel be-
fore train boy and caused to take the
following horrible and binding oath:
/. Steve Sears, do hereby ana hereon
most eyerlastingly and diabolically
swear by the great horn spoon that Il
will always remit and never CONCEAL
any of the cash collected by me as con
ductor, and that | win not cut, make,
USE, collect or remit any cash fares
less ;han those found in the regular
tariff book. | further promise and
swear that | will freely contribute to
all subscriptions circulated 10 buy my
superior officer a token of esteem. etc,
as far as he may desire and my sal
airy will permit, to all Of which | sol
emily swear, binding myself under no
less penalty than that in having my
salary cut from year to year. all my
perquisites taken away and expended
for sand ballast to put under the Nc
Kinley extension, where the trains
come anil 90 twice in twenty-four
hours, 50 help me Bob Ingersoll, and
keep my backbone stiff
''What did You then behold?r
The trainmaster's clerk approached
me and presented me with a Bishop
safety coupling knife and instructed
me to take 1t to the yardmaster, who
would teach me how to Use it,,
How are Bishop coupling knives
used?
by sticking them in the left hip
pocket with inc blade turned mp"
Mr. Maxwell here informed the ap-
plicant that he was satisfied that he
was a railroad man and asked him If
he would ne off, g. from"
II viii BY off from here If you win
give me a passenger train"
Have you cigars?"
II have"
"Will Won give them to me?r
That Is not the manner in which /
cot them ana cannot 90 dispose Of
them
How can | get them them
II will match you head or tails for
them"
.I'll 90 you; begin"
Yea begin"
Ne. begin yourself; you have the
cigars
"All aboard; you are O. II. Come
around again In the morning and | viii
arrange 70 send you down to the Trin-
ity and Sabine division to take the
mixed train there"