Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-09-30
JUST FOR FUN.

He-Why was Solomon the wisest
man? She-Because he had so many
wives to advise him.
Scissors Grinder-How is business?
Rag Man-Picking up. How is yours?
Scissors Grinder-Pretty dull.
Cholly-I told Miss Lenox that was
out of sight. Dick-What did she say?
Cholly-That l verified an old adage.
Jinks-I understand that you were
pretty well off before you were mar
ried Blinks-Yes, but didn't know
it.
She = Why is Mr.. Scherzo so sad
when he sings? He Il suppose he
wants to be in sympathy with his au-
dience.
An agent tried to sell a man an en-
cyclopedia. The man said he did not
want one, for he would not have the
time to ride it.
Rastus (to Liza, who has pretended
to be ''miffed")-Dey amt no use you
turnin' yo' back, honey, kase [ sees
you smilin' des de same!
He-My aunt was kind enough to
tell me that you only loved me for my
money. She-She was wrong. I mar
ried you for your money.
Hackett (gloomily) = I tell you,
Charlie, this is a hard. hard world.
Sackett Gnterestedly)-So you have
bought bicycle, have you?
Jack = There is one thing 1 like
about old maids. Harry = What?
Jack-They don't say they did this or
that long before you were born.
Herr Fliginzia ca skinfiint) y What
shall have to pay for the likeness?
Artist-I'd rather tell you that later
on. want you to look pleas ant.
"There she lay,' says the sensa-
tional writer, ''breathing out her life
in short pants" She must have been
a lady bicyclist in up to date garb.
''I saw my papa's last book before
he wrote it," said Jimmieboy. Chow
did that happen?" asked the visitor.
sIt was a blank book then" said Jim
mieboy.
A minister startled his audience by
saving, II have forgotten my notes,
and shall have to trust to Providence,
but this evening I shall come better
prepared"
"James," asked the school teacher,
'swhat do you do with your odd mo-
ments after SCHOOL," 81 waits until
they adds up into an hour, and then
I goes fshin'."
Mrs. De Ruffe-If you ever did any
good in this wide world, I'd like to
know what it is. Mr.. De Ruffe-Well,
for one thing, saved you from dying
an old maid.
A Massachusetts youth wrote to his
mother while he was visiting at an
uncle's: II am having glorious time.
Been in swimming twice and saw
man killed by the cars"
Gamma, your lover was again in the
kitchen till 10 o'clock last night. L
can not allow that any more" II,
too, have been thinking if we couldn't
have supper little earlier"
Sometimes" sighed the man who
is welded to a woman with a mind of
her own, IT think my wife must take
me for pneumatic tire, the way she
is blowing me up all the time"
cit seems to me, John, that you
might take the oars now for little
while" ''No, my dear. The new man
ought not to attempt to perform tn
arduous duties of woman. Bes1ds,
don't want to get my nose freckled."
Sammy-Here's my new cart. Amt
she beauty? Tommy-You mustn't
say she. \ carts it. Sammy-'Tain't.
It's she. Tommy I'll leave it to
Dick. Dick inspecting it)-'Tain't
either one. It's he. It's mail cart.
A bright Chicago boy got an auto
graph album filed with signatures;
but, as they lacked neatness and uni
formity, he bought new book and
copied all the names in it, according
to copy book rules. Now he is happy.
The Discovery Saved His Life.
Mr.. G. Caillouette, druggist, Beaversville,
ILL., saws: ITO DIR. Kings New Discovery L
owe nv life. Was taken with La Grippe and
tried all the physicians for miles about, but
of no avail and was given up and told could
not live. Having DR.. Kings New Discovery
in my store sent for a bottle and began its
r doc tn creth
ter and after using three bottles was up and
about again 1t is worth it's weight in gold.
We won't keep store or house without it,
Get a free trial at H. c. Pierces drug store.
-aD CD SW-
uBen.'' said the coored deacon to