Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-07-22
JUST FOR FUN.

saddle of mutton makes the journey
easier"
1t is slow baby that does not know
which Of it's relatives is most easily
imposed upon.
Some men are born great, some
achieve greatness, and some stand
| well with both factions.
She-Tell me, when you were in the
army, were you cool in the hour OF
danger? He Cool? I actually shiv
ered!"
Snoggs- it not disgraceful the
way in which Smiggs snored in church
to-day? Stuggs-T should think it was.
Why, he woke us all.''
First Boarder = WHAT'S the star
boarder making all thas hubbub about
over thu berry pie?" Second Boarder
81 guess he found the berry.
"Robbie," said the visitor, kindly,
shave you any little brothers and sis
ters?'' 'sNo," replied Robbie, solemn
ly, "I'm all the children we've got"
Wife, never heard you complain
and suffer SO over piece of work in
all my life. Husband-But this is the
first one I was ever paid for in ad
vance.
"Do you think woman will ever sue
cessfully fill the pulpit" 81 see no
real reason why she should not. 1t
ought to be easy with the sleeves she
wears"
What has Mrs. De Style done with
the money her uncle left her? She did
intend to build house, but see she
has come out with new sleeves in two
dresses, instead.
Chow do you stand in your classes,
Tommy?" asked the stranger. "On
my feet, SIR" said Tommy with look
of surprise that any one should ask SO
foolish question.
"Fact is" said one man, II married
because was SO lonely as much as for
any other reason. To put it tersely,
I married for sympathy" "Well, said
the other man, you have mine"
They were going to arrest him for
bicycling on the sidewalk; but he as
serted that he was only learning.
Then they iran him in'' for giving an
acrobatic exhibition without license.
"Well, Uncle Silas,your boy is home
from college," eyes, wuss luck"
"Worse luck! Why?" "He's larned SO
much he can't pillow up nothin' but my
feelin's, nor harrer nothin' but my
soul.D
MADAME" began Mr.. Dismal Daw-
son, "you see before you a victim of
ooh, do I?'' said the
lady. "What circumstance
es?'' Strengthened circumstances,
ma'am."
Willie S. Mamma says she always
(highly gratifed) Does she, Willie?
Willie-Yes'm When shc goes away
she says she feels SO satisfied with
herself.
Mistress you had man in
the kitchen last night. Maid-Ye
I'd have brought him into the sitting
room and introduced you, but he was
so busy talking to me that forgot all
about it.
She (poutingly)- Before we were
you used to bring me candy
o1yo,xy +;p,o Won oop,o Ho (hricI1vN
Yes, my dear, and it cost a good deal
less than the meat and potatoes [
bring you now.
Helen-How could you give up Har-
ry Haussman for Tom Waterman?
You used to think everything Of Har
ry. Martha know; but the tbeaters
are nearly all closed now, and Tom
has such lovely yacht.
An Arab, travelling across the des
ert with Mohammed one day, said, II
shall turn my camel loose to night,
and trust him to Allah.'' The wise
prophet made answer, "Friend, first
tie thy camel: then trust him to AL
lah."
Darling she said to her husband,
as they sat on the roll of parlor carpet
in the hall of the house into which
they had just moved, ~ wish this roll
of carpet was velvet" "Do you? Well,
I don't" ''What do you wish?" "That
it was down.
Met him-met him again-in love
with him. Net him again-no longer
in love with him, but he is in love
with me because I am SO beautiful.
Met him again-he is still in love with
me, not only because I am SO beauti-
full, but because [ am also good. Sor-
rv for him gain 7 met hiu-ha ic