Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-12-30
JUST FOR FUN.

"Just think! I've found three gray
hairs in my head" 'Ah, madam, as
long as they can be counted they don't
count"
At a recent dinner, Miss Flowery
remarked that the sweetest memoir
les in life were recollections of things
forgotten.
Visitor-But this portrait of Mr.. Bull
get is good deal more than life size.
Artist know it. That is the size he
thinks he is.
How many people there are in the
world who would spend days of agony
trying to guess what they don't expect
for Christmas.
"Give and take is my motto every
time," remarked Sandbag Bill, giving
the citizen a scientific rap on the occ-
| iput and taking his watch.
''Pretty solid politician, amt he?"
''In spots. He had a cast iron gall to
begin with, and [ understand that the
party has given him a marble heart"
Wife don't believe I can ever
wear my sealskin cloak as it is now.
Husband Why don't you have it
made over into bicycle sweater for
winter use.
81 wish I were boy again." said
Mr.. Dawson. $50 do To said Jack
Dawson, who had just been punished,
to himself. ''I'd put you through a
course of sprouts"
Briggs What sort of fellow is
Sandstone? Criggs Well, he is the
kind Of a man who thinks his wheel
is better than any other. Briggs-I
see! just an average man.
Medium-You wish to know about
your husband? Did you bring any ar
ticles belonging to him-something he
has been in the habit of handling?
Wife, brought pack of cards.
Husband-Don't you know that ev
cry time woman gets angry she adds
wrinkle to her face. Wife-Yes; it's
wise provision Of nature to let the
world know the kind of husband she
has got.
See the young woman. Is the young
woman being suddenly and unexpect
eddy kissed? All, yes. And does the
young woman raise a hue and cry?
but no cry.
Mrs. DeGabb-And would you not
like to be clothed with the right of
suffrage, my good woman? Mrs.
McLubberty -Oi behave Ord rather
hov plum colored silk dress, av it's
all the same to yez, mum.
Mistress-(w had given her maid
a theater ticket. Well, how did you
like the performance, Alma? Alma
Oh, it was splendid, ma'am. You
should have heard how a servant girl
sauced her missus.
George-You are not calling on Miss
Rosebud any more Ell? Jack-No, I
got Disguised. She has such a coarse
laugh. George never noticed that
Jack-You would if you'd been within
hearing when proposed to her.
"Why are you looking so serious,
Bobby?'' asked the fond father.
sThinking about the preacher. He
went and told us we should not covet
other peoples things, and then tried
to get all the pennies we had"
81 can't remember where I put my
glasses" said Duncombe. "Have you
1oolro1 Gov +Looo0,, ocl1o1 Mrc D,p
combe. ''No, but I will as soon as I
find Them" said Duncombe. 81 can't
see we'll enough without them to look
now"
The Minister-My dear madam, let
this thought console you for your
husbands death. Remember that
other and better men than he have
gone the same way. Bereaved Wild
ow - They haven't all gone, have
they?
Irate Father-You young idiot, don't
you know that it costs small fortune
each year to gown my daughter? Ea-
ger Wooer (convincingly)-Yes; but
then, you would not have to dress her
so extensively when she was my wife.
Rheumatism runs riot when there is Tactic
acid in the blood. Liniments and lotions will
be of no permanent benefit. A cure can be
accomplished only by neutralizing this acid
and for this purpose Hoods Sarsaparilla is
the best medicine because Hoods Sarsaparil
la is the only true bloom purifier prominently
in the public eye.
Hoods Pills act easily, yet promptly and
n
This thing of being engaged to half
dozen girls isn't what it's cracked
up to be, this time of year." "Why
not?" because you have to make