The Irish standard., 1895-12-28
A WOMAN WHO bad TROUBLE
She interviewed M.n on thsssubi.c
Of Societies and I
ssJiners.',
RAcY TOLD IN ORE CHAPTER
Her Husband Took in Everything In
Sight and Talked in His
Sleep.

canon" sends the following story to the
Republican, accompanied by a sworI
statement to the effect that it is a true
narrative The characters are, of course
unknown to us, and the moral ditto, the
story being presented for the light i
throws upon a queer phase Of modern life
that is not unknown in this city. We pro
coed with the manuscript of Anon"
! She was about 45 years old, wei
dressed, had black hair, rather thin aat
tinged with gray eyes in which CLEANED
the fires of a determination not easily
baked. She walked into the office of {
well-known law firm in Court Square
Theater building and requested a private
audience with Mr.. c.. Having OBJ
! tanned it and satisfied herself that the
law students were not listening at the
keyhole, she said slowly, solemnly an(
| impressively:
II want a divorce!'
"What for? I supposed you had one o.
the best of husbands" said Mr.. c.
81 s'pose that's what everybody thinks
but if they knew what l have suffered fol
many years they'd wonder I hadn't
scalded him long ago. ought to, but fol
the sake of the young ones I've borne II
and said nothing. I've told him, though
what he might depend on, and now the
| times come. I won't stand it, young
ones or TO young ones. I'll have di-
vorce, and if the neighbors want to blaE
themselves hoarse about it, they can, fo1
I won't stand it another day
"But what's the matter? Don't your
| husband provide for you? Don't he treat
Won kinily?" pursued MI. G..
We've got victual5 enough, and don I
know but he's as true and kind as men
in general. and he's never knocked any
of us down l wish he had; and then Id
get him into Jail and know where he was
| nights retorted the woman.
| s,'hen what is your complaint against
him." ...y..
well, if you must know, he's one OF
! them plaguey timers
ga what?' 49,.
"A iiner--one of them pesky fools
! that's always timing something. There
can't nothing come along that's dark and
| sly and hidden but he jines it. If any
| body should get UP a society to burn my
house down, he'd jine it just as soon as he
could get in; and il he had to pay for it,
he'd go all the suddener. We hadn't been
married more than two months before ne
fined the Masonls. Pr'slps you know what
them be, but I don't. 'cept they think
| they are OF the same kind Of critters that
built Solomon's temple, and all Of the
nonsense and ja., about worship, minis
| ters and square and conlpasses and alch
| like that we had i'll the house for the
next six months you never see the beat
| And he's never outgrowed 1T, nuther
What do you think of a man, Squire,
| Ii; ,1,77itp
big enough for q monkeys bib, and go
marching I'D and down and making mo-
tions and talking foolish lingo at a pic
! ture of George Washington? Amt he a
loonytick? Well, that's my Sam, and
! I've stood it as long as I'm goin to. The
next lunge the old fool made was to jine
! the Odd Fellows. | made it warm for
| him when he came home and told me he'd
| fined them, but he kinder pacIfied me
| BIZ telling me they were a kind of branch
| show that took iii women, and he'd get
me in as soon as he found how to do 1t.
Well, one night he came home slnd said
| To been proposed and somebody had
blackballed me. Did it himself, OF
course. Didn't want me around, knowing
about his coins on. Of course he didn' t,
and told him so.
*tThen he fined the Sons of Matter.
Didn't say nothing to- me about 1t, but
sreaked off one night pretendin' he'd
got to sit lip with a sick Odd Fellow, and
/ never found it out, only he came home
| lookin' like man who'd been through a
| thresbing machine, and I wouldn't do a
thing for him until he owned up. And SO
| it's goin' from bad to wus, j'inin' this and
that and t'other till he's worship minis
| ter of the Masons and goodness of hope OF
the Odd Fellows. and Virgin Cerus OF the
Grange, and Grand Mogu} of the Sons OF
of Incidence and TWo-edged TomahaiWlz
! of the United Order of Rednen and Tale
Bearer of the Merciful Manikin, and
Skipper of the Guild Caratrine Columbus
and Grand Oriental Bollnce1 Of the Royal
Aroaners, and Big Wizard OF the Arabian
| Nights, and Pledge Passer OF Antl-Paplst
Association and chief bugler OF the
same. and Pursekeeper OF the Order Of
| the British Raters of American Liberty
and High Muck-a-Muck Of the Knights
! of the Brass Cheek, and Standard Bearer
of the Royal Archangels, and Sublime
Butler OF the Onion League-and good
ness only knows what else! I've borne it
and borne it, llopin he'd get 'e1n all
fined after while, but faint no use, he's
| fined more of them, and is now Torch
bearer of the SubCellar Pollytickers. and
| goes around the streets shouting I'm an
American,-'Put none but Americans On
guard Well Squire. I stood all this
! but when I heard he'd been made High
j Celibate OF the Ancient Order of Essenes
! told him I'd quit and / WILL
| Here the lawyer interrupted, saying
sWell, your husband is pretty we'll mi
| tiated, that's a, fact, but the court will
hardly call that 81 good cause for.divorce.' :
j. She looked the lawyer square in the
| eyes and said: 81 believe you are a finer
yourself. I would not have though it!
A man like you, chairman Of Sabbath
school--.it's enough to make a woman
/ take pizin! But don't want anything OF
YOU. / want lawyer that don't belong
to nobody nor nothln'.'
And she bolted out of the office to hunt
I'D a man that wasn't a j'iner.
She Couldn't Marry Three.
This was the rather odd title Of a COM
edv5 produced in the east. OF course the
poor girl couldn't marry three, unless
| death aided her or the Dakota divorce
mill made it possible for her to change
| partners. No girl could be expected tc
marry three, unless it was done separ-
| ately. But no matter how many she
Imarries, she should arrange to take hel
| bridal tour, over the Saint Paul and Du-
| luth railroad, otherwise known as the
Duluth Short Line. This line is decided
ly the one to take when you are travelling
! 3hatu een MinneapoIis ST. Paul Duluth