New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1895-06-08

C,dzooks-It seerns re that the whee.men o.
the world ought aiop; motto.
Zounds-Well. they couldn't DO better than aaopt
the saying already in common Use, IT'S a sooo
thing: push 1t along.
Bo;anc.-"wer" aaii the frs, baseball crank 70
the other baseball crank. are you goihs 10 'oo' 'o
no" sal, tho other baseball crank ot feeling
vaguely IN his vest pockets. i guess an guns y"
see! "-(Iniiana polls Journal.
4 Bridgeport Comm clergyman recently preached
a sermon in which he thanked Col that there nad
been frost enough t. fcs;roy tho ap7e-blcsso'ns N
that section. ana trusted that Il would also TO-
atroy every apple blossom throughout the length
and breadth Of land. This would destroy tn, ap'
pie crop he argued. and consequently there would
be no cider ard the cause Of temperance would %
benefited.
Business IS this said the MANAGER to
the dramatic author: you don't mean to say mat
E n ih are m sIiTs Of - Imn@?
Yes that's ono Of he financial possifb .a o,
the y.ece. In each own W. strike vel &C. Ire
name o. the suhgrb that's being 6oo ned a ~ fos
frost."-,Washng;on star
The Pnila lelpnIa Record" thinks that the 70
fusal ~ the Pennsylvania state Legislature TO APP
propr.ate the money roeded 20 keep clear the cham
mel Of the Delaware is in a practical business sense
q stupid piece of bluniering The shoals in the
river upon the business OF the people
the less real because the losses incurred
through their existence not assessed by law
and paid directly into the hand OF the tax-gath-
erer."
A JUNE OCTETTE.
The Fllne Hug nddlei and the June Bug sung.
The Tree Toad Joined tho tree-o then.
And they played an air sublime.
The %nd Ir h Hs- o" s for ss skS S ko1n
The Locust sang. and Katy Did.
And the June octettc was born.
Boston Courier
These the days OF schemers, A Frenchnan
signing himself Come dc C.erIco de Saint German
has written a letter to OF the s. Petersburg
journals proposing n lottery with himself the
prize. There are TO be l.oooco chances. each ticket
to ruble Any young who wishes
10 pay tina, amount In the hope Of becoming a
countess IL entitled 10 one chance. The one draw
Ing the lucky" number Count C.erco promises to
marry and install tire chste.ane OF his French
chateau The proceeds OF the lottery he proposes
to divide follows: Two hundred and f,ty thou
sand rubes for himself. 10000 for his brie 2Sp,oVo
for the journal which conducts the lottery and
25c.0o for the poor OF Russia. The Count argues
that this viii be the lowest prce-onc ruble
paid by any woman for bona fGe title Of countess
He declares that he belongs to one Of the Oldest
families In France has comfortable fortune. I'M
| impeachabe character and unsuilioi name.
and that he Will furnish documentary proof 81 hls
claims His fortune. however. he says Is not sum
Client for him TO live In the requisite I'm lie secls
style Some Of the French papers have treated the
proposition seriously and express the fear thar tho
Oddly OF his proposal viii attract some one willing
TO pay lococO rubles outright for him rather than
the one ruble at which he estimates himself.
First shopper-why Mrs. Tattng! VIVA, stran.
ger you are' Looking FOR bargains suppose iY
S Mrs WI" Hsmburs When she goes into store to talk
about her elegant establishment as II she intended
second Shopper Fnow n, 49,.
First ShODper-I nSver talk sst S way
that I should think they would die being shut up In
ov sSse weather ssSne % OUTSIDE TANK must them
feel ever so much better. ami am sure It does me
no end OF good-tBoston Transcript.
on Saturday night $50 students OF Tufts College
turned out to serenGdc Mrs. Bray. and chose as
their songs such airs Wen Hang JEFF Davis on
n Sour Apple Tree" John Browns Body The
Year OF Jubilee and other wartime and negro
melodies Mrs Bray is Maryland woman or
strong Southern sympathies the wife OF Professor
Charles d. Bray. The cause OF II all originated
few days before, when Frank Randall Gaze. sopho-
more delivered Robert G. Ingersors THE Volun-
teer Soldier" This Is prose reading full OF North
ern sentiment. Mrs. Bray. who sat at the same
table with Gale felt offended this. and on her
return to the house she told her husband that she
could not dine again at the same table with Gale.
Professor Bray conveyed her decision to Mr.. Gale.
who In his turn told the story to the students and
they originated the idea Of the serenads.
Science. dear Lady Betty, has diminished hope:
s % "r Msre ssn IS
thorzed dictionary OF discomfort:
What Ii creation? A failure.
What Is life? A bore
What In man? A fraud.
What IL woman? Both fraud and O bore.
What IL beauty? A deception.
What Is love? A disease.
What Is marriage? A mistake.
| What Ia a wife? A trial
What Is a child? A nuisance.
What Is the devil? A fable.
| What Is good? Hypocrisy.
What IL evil? Detection.
What Ia wisdom? Selfshness
What Is happiness? A delusion
What Is friendship? Humbug
What Is generosity? Imbecillty,
What ID money? Everything
And what Il everything? Nothing
Were We perhaps not happier when " Wogo
monksys!-uondon Truth