The record-union., 1895-04-15
HE GAVE 1T UP.
Out-Classed by the Woman From
TairvIew.

SNC- SlaASSSu ny L1S w Ou1an FROM
Fairvlew.
A man with small yalise and a per-
suasive voice invaded house on the w est
Side the other day and introduced himself
as follows:
81 have secured the agency for the city,
ma'am, of a work which l should like TO
show you. 1t is entitled The Modern
Housewives Friend, Companion and
Guide 1t contains upwards of 2,75O
recipes, including specific directions
tor''-
Isn't your name Plunkett?'' inter
rupted the woman of the house, who had
been studying his features as if trying to
remember where she had seen him be-
fore.
NO. madam" he replied, my name
is HarrIs.'
You look like a family used to know
down near Fairview. The PlunketLs
were related 10 the Van Arsdales-every-
body called them Van Osdolls-and Pm
not sure but they were second or third
cousins Of the Gaddises. Ever been in
FaIrview?'
mo, ma'am. Now, this work, as [
was saying, contains directions for doing
all kinds OF needlework, all descriptions
Off
''Well, it does beat me If I'd met YOU
anywhere on the street | should have
been just as sure you were Aaron Plum
kett as L am that Pm standing here.
Your voice Is exactly like his, you're
about his size anu heft, you wear your
wniskers the same way he used to-,
and''-
Il dare say. I don't think ever heard
of him, though. Now"-
Never heard of Aaron Plunkett +?
Why, he was the man VINO kept a tavern
on the road to-oh l forgot. You said
you were never in"-
NO, never was there" broke in the
caller, becoming slightly impatient
You will find in this work Iull and
complete directions for making toilet
soap''-
"I've tried that. It's a good deal
cheaper to buy it. When lived in Fair
view there was peddler came round one
day with recipe for making toilet soap.
he claimed he had sold il to the Suydams
and the Pumyeas, and the Sperlings, and
the Shreveses, and the Persons, and some
OF the other neighbors, and I bought it OF
him, and 1t cost me 81 70 10 make lot OF
soap could have bought for'-
But that's only one thing out of thou
sands IN this book, madam. You can
make your own cOnIectionery''-
''Pve tried that, too. You ought TO
have seen Slime Powelson laugh at the lot
of candy l made once by following direc-
tions in a book | can make as good mo-
lasses candy as anybody, but when /
want the fancy kinds 1 always go and buy
| 'em. It's the cheapest and best way in
the long run"
In this book you viii learn how to
make and fit children's garments"-
Land We haven't any children but
what's able to get their own clothes
There's six Of them and they're all boys
The youngest is 10 aud he clerks in a
clothing store. He was coming home the
other night and slipped and fell. You
know it's awful slippery on the side
walks. Sprained his knee. and it swelled
up that big | was afraid it was going to
be so stiff he never could use it again. l
rubbed liniment and goose grease on his
knee for more than an hour by the watch
J and it got better. l tell you, there's moth
ing like goose grease when you want to
/ take the soreness out OF a swelled Joint
But you've got TO be sure you have the
genuine thing. There's lots of stuff they
call goose grease that's nothing but lard
The best way is TO render it out yourself
Go and buy goose. Pick out a fat one
1t won't make any difference how old it
is, so it's fat. Take that goose and"--
Madam" gasped the man with the
valise, backing hastily out of the door,
81 give it up."-Chicago Tribune