davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning times., 1895-10-19
Her Time Had Come.

Evening had come. Father and daughter
sat facing each other, and both were busy
with their thoughts. After a long interval
OF silence the daughter rose to leave the
room, and the father looked up and queried:
Fanny, are you going out?"
For about fifteen minutes, father. You
will not be lonely"
II feel sad tonight"
Yes, father, and / know why. We spent
July-iu the mountains at cost OF SoOO-
We.put in a week at four different hotels,
but alasi there was no show for me. The
only eligible young man / met was engaged
to his seventeenth. Then we returned and
put in a month at the seashore. 1t wasn't
quite as bad there, but every young man
was waiting to see how the times would
turn out. We were out another $500, and
have nothing to show for it.
True my daughter, very true. Under
the circumstances, however"
You cannot blame me; but business has
revived at last" ,
''Yes, at last"
And your daughter Fanny will now pro-
ceed to hustle. Sit right still for about
fifteen minutes, father, aud l VIII return
with a young man. and you can give US your
Maternal blessing. All I've been waiting for
was a boom in business and fair show.
1t has come I'll be engaged before ~
O'Clock. married within month, ana Dy
next spring confidence will be fuliy re-
stored and the country whooping her up foI
all she's worthr-Desroit Free Press. =
The morning times., 1895-10-19
One on the Alderman.

Not long ago a workingman, some"nau
the worse for over indulgence In the cup
that cheers, came into a downtown saloon
and gruffly demanded a drink OF whisky
When the barkeeper commented upon his
already complete condition and refused TO
give him what he wanted he commenced ar
guing in loud, drunken voice, every now
and then throwing in number or threats
strengthened with oaths. He became very
noisy, so much SO that one OF our city al
dermen, who was sitting at table taking
is beer-for aldermen, like less favored
people, sometimes get thirsty-1umped up,
and, going over to the drunken man, said
with all the dignity befitting his official
position:
Look here. fellow. you'll have to stop
this row."
He seefned to awe the man leaning
against the bar by his presence for the time
being. but after mumbling awhile the
drunken fellow said: But he wont give
me a drink, don't yer see?"
That's not the question: you'll either
have to be quiet, or / shall kick you out OF
the place"
You will, will you?" said the working
man. who had recovered his drunken bra
vado. well, who in The dickens are you.
anyhow"
I'm an alderman, a magistrate of the
law, sir" the justice replied. drawing him
self up to his fun height, with much added
dignity.
NThe drunken man eyed him from head TO
foot in seeming disgust. Then. attempting
to stand erect, he said in tone equally as
dignified: wen, I'm bricklayet -
Pittsburg Dispatch.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
Not What He Expected.

Sweetheart, thou hast a showing look
1 see 1t in thine eyes;
Thy manner, too, is tender, shy,
And full of sweet surprise
1 think that III propose to-day,
During the luncheon hour,
Our Wall street office III transform
Into a lovers bower.
Yes, III propose. 1 don't just know
How Dad will take it all
When he finds out I'm going to wed
His typewriter this fan;
But hit or miss, III tell thee all
. MY hearts delight this day;
And. then. what shall we care, dear love.
What all the world may say?
dearest, love thee-only thee!
Can'st see it in my face?
1 plead that thou shalt be my wife
And leave this toilsome place;
Together Wen elope and spin
Across to London town;
And then what shall we care, sweet love,
For any smile or frowD?
"Quick, dearesti Tell me: say the word
What? Why dost shrink and blush?
You startle me. Oh, Maud, please don'ti
One frown of thine will crush.
Thou can'st not love me? Well, why not?
Quicki What is that?" Oh
botherl
She SAYS she'll be ma to me;
She's going to marry my father.
New York World.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
Ow ned the Fly.

1t was on the westbound express over the
Michigan Central the other afternoon. A
fat man, who had been complaining OF the
heat, dust, rate of progress and many other
things, finally decided to take a nap. Be
fore getting settled down and closing his
eyes he was seen by those nearest him to
take an artificial fly from his vest pocket
and place 1t on his nose, but it was Il quArter
OF an hour before it attracted attent\ln.
Then a woman looked back and noticed it
and said to her husband:
Samuel, do you see that? You had bet
ter go and brush that fly off that poor
mans nose. It's wonder he can sleep with
II, but / s'pose he's tired out"
Yes, | guess I'll do that much for him."
replied the man, and he rose up and went
back. The fly was quiet and he advanced
his thumb and finger and carefully picked
it off and dropped it on the floor.
VIVA what is it?" asked the baldheaded
man, as he reused up.
- fly on your nose, SIR
"a fly, eh? Where is it? All! | see."
He picked it up and replaced it on his nose
and said:
Sir, | would thank you to mind your own
business This is my fly. l bought him
for ten cents. Attend to your own fly and
l will TO mine"
He leaned back for another nap, and after
looking at him in bewildered way for
hair minute the farmer returned to his
wife.
What is 1t, samuel?" she asked.
Nuthin', nuthn', 'cept If had that fel-
Ter down In our tamarack swamp I'd maui
MIN till he couldn't breathe fur maxim a
Tool of me. Detroit Free Press
The morning times., 1895-10-19
The Consta ble,s, ,Perquisite.

A marriage took place In. the office of q
well-known Justice of the peace a few
days ago that, while most Impressive
ceremony to the contracting parties, had a
very humorous side for the spectators.
The couple were evidently from the rural
districts and were both seemingly covered
with confusion at theft having to stand
up before the four or five present. After
the form had been read. the blushing pair
standing hand in hand, the magistrate an
nounced in a serious tone that. as it was
the custom for the constable to kiss the
bride, she would prepare. herself for the
oscuiatIon. fci
The constable stepped boldly out, and,
being a good-looking young fellow, the
young woman seemed not averse to being
kissed. All doubts of the propriety of the
act were soon set at rest, for the husky
groom stepped before her with an air of
determination upon his face that showed
it was life and death to him. He gave his
hands an imaginary washing and said:
esquire, this yere lady b'longs to me
now, an what she did afore took her
amt my business. but II this constable is
willin' I'll give him a dollar and call it off,"
1.-THE server of writs signified his as
sent and the jealous countryman paid the
amount, which found its way over the bar
of the nearest saloon few minutes after
the newly-married pair departed.-Colum.
bus Dispatch.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
The pnte for the Wedding.

Mrs. Swayback sighed when her daugh-
ter told her that Mr.. Trivvet had asked
her 10 be his wife and that she had become
engaged.
II suppose ought not to feel badly about
it." Mrs. swayback added, wiping away
a tear with the corner OF her apron. 1T
is woman's destiny to be married. 1 left
the home of my happy girlhood to become
Mrs. Swayback, and now you must leave
to become Mrs. Trivyet. Still, 1 cannot
help feeling my loss very deeply. a mother
can never lose her daughter with indiffer-
ence, She can never give her up-not even
to the best man in the world-without deep
\ reluctance"
By this time Mrs. Swayback was sob
bing violently and her daughter was trying
to comfort her.
al shall come to see you often, mother,
darling" she said.
"Of course, you will, but it is a great
trial to part with you. my child. You must
not mind your fond mothers crying bit
over it,"
Dry your eyes, mother. I'm sure you
couldn't desire a finer young man than Mr..
Trlvvet for son-lnlaw, and of course you
expected me 10 get married some time"
Mrs. Swayback's sobs broke out afresh,
and for time she refused TO be comforted.
Then she applied a handkerchief yigor-
ously to her eyes and asked
when is the wedding to be?'
'In about six months, mamma, dear
six months!" exclaimed Mrs. Sway
back. What on earth does the procrasti-
nator mean by putting it off that long?
Mary Ann, i don't believe he intends to
marry you at all, so don't, If he did, he'd
Insist on having the wedding come off in
side of six weeks at the farthest."-Judge.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
coULpN,T BE UNeENTLEMANLY.
So the Protected Passenger Got
Through All Right.

The other morning a conductor on the
Southern Pacific train found that one OF
the passengers had bad ticket aud thus
could not ride upon II. Unfortunately for
the woman, she had no money, nor had the
mother, with whom she was travelling.
The conductor insisted upon one or the
other, and when he made his requests
urgent the young lady retreated to the
sleeper, where she and her mother, covering
up under the quilts, said they would not
surrender.
"And am here to protect her," said the
mother in very defiant way, thrusting
her head out OF The curtains.
But, madam, the company must have
some compensation for your daughters
travelling on its trains. She has no ticket,
and if you have the money you won't pay
it.'
well, that ticket was a good ticket,
and IL you won't take it you will have to
do without"
You can get off at the next station and
buy your daughter another ticket" said
the conductor.
mo. l won't do that, either, tell you"
well, then, 1 must have the money"
said the conductor, making toward the
couple. Instantly the curtains were closed
tight, and the young lady, all bundled up
under the covering in the accompaniment, cried
out that the conductor must have an awful
hard heart TO treat her so ungentlemanly.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
Great Financial Question in Kentucky.

Senator Henry Dixon, who Is now the
governors private secretary Is usually
uild hammered. but terrible when aroused.
The other day 4 venerable man cornered
him in his office and talked to him about
The ''money question for an hour. When
Dixon's visitor finally passed out OF the
door Dixon motioned to Bob Hammer, the
ancient jauitor OF the governors office,
and Bob went trembling over to Mr..
Dixon, the strange look OF whose eye
frightened him. Here's the conversation
that ensued:
Bob, il | kill man in here any time
soon, want You to swear that you saw
him start at me with dirk knife and that
1 killed him in self-defcnse. VIII you do it?'
II will. Mr.. Henry" answered Bob,
afraid not to promise while the secretary
looked So terrible.
Don't forget hissed Dixon, "for 1 Will
murder the next man that comes here to
talk silver or the tariff and do it in cold
blood"
At that moment man came out Of tha
governors private office, closely followed
by the executive. The latter heard Dix
on's last words to Bob.
That's all right, Henry" the governor
said, ''and If you are convicted, in spite
of the testimony, I'll pardon you. That
man going out has been discussing the
money question with me- e.''-Louisville
Courier-Journal.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
Money No Object.

The Chicago man had gone on a bus
mess trip and started home again. He
bad been compelled to run through sew
eral streets to catch the train, and was
somewhat overheated. The temperature of
the long car was over LOO degrees and still
climbing. BE stood ii for about five min
utes, and then tried to open the windo W.
1t was one of those windows not built
for opening purposes, and didn't open He
tried another window with the same re-
suit. The third windo W stuck equally tight,
and he raised his foot and kicked a
large hole through the phlate glass
The conductor heard the crash and
came running into the car.
"Who broke that windo W." he demand
ed, threateningly.
81 did," said the man.
"Well, sir, I'm afraid it will cost you
five dollars"
Here it is" said the other, handing
him a ten-dollar bill.
IL haven't change for that" said the
conductor.
"Never mind the change" said the Chi
cago man. keep it,
He raised his foot again, kicked out
another window, took a newspaper out
of his pocket, sat down and went on
reading as II nothing had happened.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
mo. I never insult nobody.

mo, I never insult nobody. Ar you
chawin' gum or slippery elm?''
None of your business, sir! II you in
insult ME further I'll knock the head off
your shouldersl''
Nobody intends to insult you. 1 say
you look like the feller.''
''And say you are a liar!''
The guard drove him Off but followed
and sat down beside him and asked:
''If he is the man what did you want to
say or do TO him?"
'.If he's the man who said he could lick
me in two minutues?'
"Yes."
wall, Jest wanted to say that he was
mistaken. I've had some different fights
and been licked every time, but it allus-
took from four TO seven minutes to do it.
and it would take him plump ten, or I'll
never eat any more pumpkin piel'
The morning times., 1895-10-19
PoTPouRR1.

Tramp-Gotany fruit. lady, that you want
canDed7
Lady Of the House-Yes, have; there's
two bushels of peaches in the Kitchen.
Tramp-Well, if you'll let me eat about
q peck of them. lady, you will have that
much less work to do.-Detroit Free Press.
wife-shall 1 put your diamond studs in
your shirt, dear?
Husband-what on earth are you think
ing OF? Do you want to ruin me? 1 have
q meeting with my creditors this morning
Texas Siftings.
Papa-Are you sorry you hit Wilbur?
Bobby-Yes, papa, and he is sorry. too.
Harper's Round Table.
A. d. T. Boy I37-Las' night dreamed
IwuZ in heaven.
A. D. T. Boy 713-wuz dere any mes
seDger boys dere?
tole dere wuz sev'ral on de way.-New
York Truth.
How vain you are, Effiel Looking at
yourself in the glass"
"Vain, Aunt Enmai NJ e vain? Why, I
don't think myself half as good looking
as really am."-Punch.
MY dear, darling, sweet papa, you VIII
have telephone put in the house, won't
you?''
'.But why my dear?'
"0h, you see, papa, MY Oscar is so dread
fully shy. Perhaps he would speak to
you through a telephone" "-F liege nde
Biaetter.
Laura-The ideal Here is a doctor who
The morning times., 1895-10-19
HamItn,s Youthful Iudtscret,on.

1t is related of Hamlin Garland, the
apostle of realism, that on one occa
sion, while he was dining with distin-
guished friends in Washington he was
asked whether he was an admirer OF
Charles Dickens works. To this Mr.. Gar
land made answer:
"When l was boy nine years old 1
once read three pages in one of Mr..
Dickens novel; forget which novel it
was"
Upon hearing this answer another guest
at the table remarked that Mr.. Garland's
experience reminded him of story told of
Beau Brummell. 1t seems that being once
at an ostentatious feast with noble COM
pany, the Beau was asked by one who no.
ticed that his beauship declined certain
dishes:
"And is It possible, sir. that you never
eat vegetables?"
"Sir," replied Beau Brummell, with
condescending graciousness, ION one oc.
casion when was child of five ate Q
pea. Chicago Record.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
HIS MOTHERS GIFT.
9is Sentiment Did Not Reach One
Hundred Per Cent. Profit.
Detroit Free Pressl

He came up to me at Broadway and Thir-
ty-fourth streets one evening, and asked me
if knew of a pawnshop in the neighbor-
hood. l told him thought there was one
only tw o blocks away, and he wiped a tear
from his eye and pointed TO parcel un-
der his arm and said:
"It is my mothers gift-a bible-the last
thing left to me to raise money ON. Yes,
mother placed this book in my hands as l
started out in life, fifteen years ago, and
hoped l always would be guided by its
noble precepts.'
And now you must pawn it," asked.
II must. It's the only thing l have left
and must eat and sleep. cannot tell you
how 1t wrings my heart to have this gift go
into the hands of a pawnbroker. If
could only meet a gentleman-"
"a gentleman who'd advance you 81 on
the book and hold it for you?'
That's it-thats itr' he cheerfully ex-
claimed. "Yes, if he'd advance me 81 on
it could start out in life anew and in
week l could pay the debt and have my
relic back, You appear to be kind
hearted mann"
'Yes, / am."
"And you don't want to see my mothers
gift go to pawnshop?"
"No."
And you win advance me 81 on it?'
Not muchl I'm looking around for
policeman to give you the dollar. That trick
has been played on me three times, and
am getting tired of paying 81 for 50-cent
Bible"
"Sirl" exclaimed the man, as he began to
back away; ait is evident that you do not
reverence your mother"
Not in that shape-no."
And you have no love for the good
bookr'
Not at 100 per cent profit
And sentiment, sir-you have no sent-
ment, and you are bad man, sir, and If /
ever catch you on a side street I'll put
head on you and send you to the hospital
for a weeki"
The morning times., 1895-10-19
eRAssnoppEns ATTACK A MAN.
Brazilian Insects Equal I'm Power TO .
Western Highwayman

Brazilian Insects Equal In Power TO .
Western Highway man.
.speaking of grasshoppers," said the
man with the yaller whiskers, "but were
any of you gentlemen ever In Brazil7"
None OF them could remember that they
ever were, and he continued:
1--WE know nothing of grasshoppers In
this country. In Brazil, when you speak Of
grasshoppers, women will shudder and men
turn pale. / was never In Brazil myself.
but / had brother who lived there FOR
five years and who told me about grass
hoppers. Ny brother was rather vain and
conceited, but he wouldn't lie.
"The first time he was attacked by
them was one morning as be was walking
in his garden. Without the slightest warn
ing three grasshoppers sprang upon him
and knocked him down, and il bis screams
had not brought immediate assistance, he
would have been killed on the spot. As IL
was, he was laid up for a week.
after this attack, he began to inquire
around and post himself on the habits OF
the grasshopper, and when the next adyen-
ture came he was prepared for it. He was
riding along the highway, when a null
grown grasshopper sprang upon the horse
behind him and sought to fasten its fangs
in his neck. Before 1t could do so, however,
he drew his pistol and turned and shot f5
through the heart. He sent me some OF it5
claws, and l have them yet.
.The third time he was attacked he came
within an ace of losing his life. He was
walking over his coffee plantation one
day and encountered poisonous snake
and started to kill it.-While thus engaged
q grasshopper sprang upon him from the
limb of a tree. Ny brother was knocked
down and rolled into a ditch with three feet
of water in it, By lucky move he gotth
insect by the throat and forced It's head
under the water and held II there until
life was extinct, 1t was close shave,
though. Ny brother had to be carried nome
and it was several weeks before he was
able to get out of bed. He bore the scars OF
mat conflict to his grave."-Detroit Free
Press.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
THEY DIDN'T FIG at.
The Thin Man Wanted to Clear Up q
Mfsta ka

M1Stake.
On Third avenue car the other day was
tall, thin man with satchel, who was
going over TO Brooklyn, and right oppo-
site him sat a short, fat man, chewing gum
and reading paper, says the Detroit
Free Press. 1t was quite q few minutes
before the tall thin man caught sight of
the other. but when he did he leaned for
ward and inquired:
"Hain't you the feller met at Albany
last fall-feier who got mad because
stepped on his toes, and said he could lick
ME in two minutes?"
II never saw you before, SIR" replied
the other, with good deal of dignity.
Then You hain't the feller."
s'No, sir.'
''Mebbe I'm mistaken, but can't hardly
believe ii. He was short and fat, same as
you are-had bald head and was bow
legged-and he ehewed gum all the time
he was sassin me-"
'Are you talking to ME, sir?" shouted
the rat man, as he sprung up with clinched
fists.
"Yes, sir; l am. If you hain't the feller
then it's all right, but 10 you are
Didn't say never saw you before?''
shouted the fat man.
Yes. You did, but you look tes like the
feller who said he could lick ME with one
hand tied to his leg. If you hain't the
feller-|"
"Of course I'm not the mani Do you
mean TO insult me?'
The morning times., 1895-10-19
says that yawning will remove that annoy.

says that yawning will remove that annoy.
ing buzziug in ones ears.
Flora-It is true. The other night,
after young Mr.. Jones had been talking
steadily to ME for three hours, l yawned
twice and he went home.-Cincinnau En-
quirer.
Shouting in church during a revival Is
one thing, and paying the preacher in
chips and whetstones is another-Ram's
Horn.
Mistress (midnight)-I don't intend to
come downstairs to let you in this time
of night again.
Girl (reassuringly)-You won't have to.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
An Explanation.

al never heard of such tyranny" ex-
claimed the South American patriot. II
won't submit to it moment longer. I
will resist to the last
''Whom will you resist" sharply IN
ouired his wife, who had caught only
the last few words.
"Oh, not you, my dearl / was only
talking about the governmcnt"-Puck.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
An authority.

Hungerford-Do you believe, doctor, that
the use of tobacco tends to shorten mans
days? =
DR.. POWELL know that It does. tried
TO stop once and the days were about ninety
hours long.-Cbicago Tribune
The morning times., 1895-10-19
Dead Easy.

Before the eyes of the doomed man the
fatal knife is tested. At mere touch 1t
swiftly desceDds.
The victim cannot forbear to shudder.
"You take life ALFRED easy" he NUT
ters, hoarsely.
brow. Luckily he has placed a cabbage
leaf in his hat to protect him from q sudden
rush of blood to the head.-Detroit Free
Press.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
Couldn't believe 1t.

"who was George Washington, papa?"
said little Pittsburger, who had heard
of the father of his country for the first
time.
"He was boy who couldn't tell liei'
replied the papa, impressively.
"was he born dumb, papa?" was the next
Question.-Harlem Life.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
The worst of the Best

If all we knew were good and true,
How radiant would be life's giories.
And yet we'd miss, 'twixt me and you.
Some mighty entertaining stories.
Detroit Free Press.
The morning times., 1895-10-19

greeable things you read in the newspapers?
Miss Buzbuz-I do If they're about people
/ know.-Roxbury Gazette.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
IT will have you arrested for ungentle.

II will have you arrested for ungentle-
manly conduct" she cried out.
The conductor got off in a quiet corner
and tried to solve the problem. He called
i'll a council of all the train people, and for
some time they discussed the best means
of attack, but none offered, for the passen-
ger was safe and secure in bed, and guarded
by the mother, who had made up her mind
not to surrender the citadel. Finally at
Morgan City the pair got off, and the
young lady carried her point, not having
paid her fare.-New Orleans Picayune.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
(Chorus.)

De groun' hog an de rabbit
Dey are fattenin' side by side,
An de elders In de Jug a-gittin' cleaab
An de pheasants am a-sneakin
To de thickets fer to hide
From de darkey In de fall o. de year.
(Chorus)
The morning times., 1895-10-19
In de Fall O, de Year.

Now de frost it am a-comIn'
For to ripen hick'ry nuts,
An de CROWN of de rooster can heap,
An de juicy turkey gobbler
All aroun' de ba5nyard struts.
He'll be missin' In de fall o. de year.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
Trouble in the Dime Museum.

Factotum Please, sir, tn two-headed
girl is a-quarrelin' wild herself.-Judge.
The morning times., 1895-10-19
(Chorus.)

In de fall o. de year, in de fall o. de year,
De 'possum an de sweet potater's gwi'en
to appear.
FaIlo' de year, fall o. de year,
It's hebben for de darky
In de fall o. de year.
Dere's de sugar an de 'lasses,
Just a-growin' in de cane,
An de cuttin' an de boilin' it am near
An de yello', plump persimmons
On de trees along de lane.
Dey'llbe ripenin' in de fall o de year.