Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-09-22
MUST MARRY TO WIN.
The Odds Against q Single Man in Con-
Quoting q Campaign.
DOE, NOT LIKE HIS NAME.
Bruiser Wants to become q Good
hoy and Bill GOssette's Nance
sake-Pocket.Book But No Money
The Bnby Was u Girl.

Politics are about as uncertain as the
weather predictions from Washington.
and the candidate for senatorial honors
has about as many ups and downs as the
elevator man In the new City Hall. or
course. l did not regard my candidacy
for the Senate from the Sixteenth Dis
trict as ono OF those dead, unanimous
things, but from the correspondence re-
ceived frem political friends 1t certainly
looks encouraging. Bleeders and
heelers are no more to be counted upon,
however, than some dear friends II you
happen to want n quarter. The press OF
the district Is almost solid for me, which
is greatly In my favor. for long since
learned that without the aid of the papers
the rugged hill to fame is awfully hard
to climb. The prohibition organs are
training their guns on the weak spot In
my fortifcations. The Manchester Tee
Totale heaves nasty brick at me. and
concludes a column editorial thusly. The
Democratic party is loaded down already.
without trying to carry another candidate
in the same condition. IL Bill Gossette
and quart of whskey were left to-
gether alone IT Is difficult to predict
which would be drunk first" I shall GER
tainly have TO study up some scheme to
keep the whislSey vote without trighten-
Ing away the coldwater cranks.
Thus far In the canvas l am not run
ming as far ahead OF the ticket as would
like. / had a long conference last night
with my campaign adviser. Colonel
w. w. Baker, OF Chesterfield, and he
counsels me to get married in order to
increase my popularity. This IS tough.
Nearly everybody wonders why. with MY
many good looks, / should still remain
single. 1t is singular, l admit. for have
done a good deal of buggy-iidinS and
played second spoon in ice-cream duets,
but so far / have escaped. There nave
been times I'm my life when 1 wished l
had some one to open the door Tor me,
when my work kept me out late. but upon
sober reelection chats very good I have
come to the conclusion that 1t Is better TO
live alone than to raise Il boy to- play
on the accordion or a mouth-harp. An
unmarried candidate has no show against
a Benedict, and there is no telling Row
soon the leading dailes may publish my
picture with column or 80 account
of the great wedding. ! have several
photographs and propositions. but VIII
consult DIR. Mathews before taxing the
tinal step. / am not at all dismayed on
account OF few delegates being IN
structed for my opponents.
Well at last, there is BIZ Gossette.
Jr., and though he is rot exactly in my
own family, / have a sort OF fdtherly
feeling for the little rascal. DIR. Jud.
Wood. MIR. X. c. Br0addus. and others
have called and congratulated Inc, and
! am beginning to feel quite proud. Mrs.
Gill the most excellent superintendent
OF the Male Orphan Asylum, ~ a mighty
good friend OF mine, and / am proud OF
1t. She shows splendid Judgment In the
management of that institution, ana the
various Industries connected herewith,
and manifested her great foresight into
the future when she arranged with me
for the manufacture OF the celebrated
Bill Gossette Perfccto Cigars. She saw
at a glance what n popular brand IT
would be. and realized that IN the future
II would not be so hard to get shoes
and socks and other things for the little
bows who are left to her care. The boys
usually assemble in the hall OF the insti-
tuition on Sunday afternoon, and the Bill
Gossette letter and chapter or two from
| the Bible are read by Mrs. Gil. The
| BIN Gossette letter is used az the draw
| ing card. and then Mrs. GIL gets In her
| lum Is one formerly known as 'Bruiser.'
| and who IS regarded as the worst boy
there. This kid Is dead stuck on my
| letters, and has asked Mrs Gil 10 change
| his name from "Brulser' TO BIZ Gossette.
| Jr., and says he thinks the latter suits
him better. Mrs. Gill granted the request.
|
No use talking. the people Of Caroline
| county certainly appreciate humor, and
| though it Is said that there are residents
| there who never saw a locomotive or
| heard church bell, there are others who
| are evidently up to date. This Is clearly
| manifested because they read the Dis
| patch. Some months ago. a fellow called
at the Office and left a bag OF potatoes
on subscription, and asked to see me-
| He was shown In, and after the usual
exchanges of "glad to meet YOU" etc,
! he related a most amusing incident about
n hen getting drunk, which l published
with great pleasure and the consent OF
the city editor 4 few days ago 1 re-
| celved a long letter from Carolnian
| telling me about a new little girl in MS
| family, and her name. The dear old SOU
said he and his wife looked forward 70
| the Sunday Dispatch and my letter with
the same kind Of anxiety that he watched
| rho clouds after several weeks OF drought
and that they long ago decided TO mans
their first boy Bill Gossette Smith. Like
| Grover, they were greatly disappointed
when the doctor told them 1t was a girl
so for several weeks they have beer
debating what to name the little one
| They first thought they would write and
ask my wife's name. and call the BABY
| after her. but, upon mature reflection
they came to the conclusion that wasn'i
married. They finally decided to chris'er
the dear little thing" Wilhelmina Cos
settena Smith. That's beautiful, and tht
next thing the fellow who wrote me tht
Fourth -of-July poetry VIII be sending II
some verses ma king "Wilhelmina Gossette-
ma Smith" rhyme with. us only made-up
ugly myth" Ny correspondent concludes
his letter by giving me the dimensions
of Wilhelmina Gossettena's finger. wrist
and neck, and saying he thinks ring
n bracelet. and a necklace would LOOK
very pretty on the baby. who will be
month old next Wednesday.
NV friend, Chris. Evensen, mas pre-
| sented me with nice little brand-new
leather pocket-book. with his compli
nents and name, and small amount Of
air in IL. II Chris. had known me littls
| a "