New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1895-07-14
COLUMBUS.
SOME FACTS ABOUT A NEw-ENGLAND BOY

WI ~ Ne
SOME FACTS ABOUT A NEW-ENGLAND BOY.
We have hired boy We have hired him prin-
c,nallv for weeds: and now that we have him we
are sure that we would rather have the weeds
alone than an alliance as II were with the boy.
Weeds will remain In the garden-the best place
and you know exactly where to find them But
YOU can't find a boy-very often-that Is. II You
want him II YOU don't want him he is present
as mosquitoes in 4 sutry day.
We have had our boy three weeks. 1t makes no
difference for what reason we thought We en-
gagged him. 1t has turned out that We employ him
as a means Of discipline to U.S. l wonder II the
old Anatical monks when they were looking
about for something new in the way Of torture
ever thought Of boy. 1t Is too late to tell them
now. for UP in heaven where they are reaping
stores OF bliss to make up for their sufferings here
. up In heaven there Is no demand for boys.
We call him Columbus; not because he Is a dis
coverer, but because he is the reason for our be-
coming discoveries. Every day we make a fresh
ind of things that he has done that he ought not
70 have done and Of things left undone which he
ought to have done. Some Of these things are
quite startling. For instance when one morning
Gertrude went to the barn to see why Columbus
had not come In with the milk. He had been
milking our COW precisely an hour by the
clock and we became anxious; besides we wanted
the milk for breakfast.
The pail was standing empty In the carriage
ROOM but even a casual glance revealed that 1t
had been kicked. and jammed, and banged so
that 1t was no longer pail
Gertrude went on and came upon Columbus
sitting in an attitude Of great WEAKNESS on the
grain chest. The cows stall was empty.
Whats the matter?" she asked where's
the cow and what's happened to the pail?
I'm jest about used up he said. And then he
thrust elbow. with torn shirt sleeve on II, up
TO his eyes and began to whimper
Gertrude approached still nearer. She says
uhe shook him so hard that she was ashamed
but that she did not shake him nearly as hard as
she wanted to.
''Wheres the cow"
'She's in the lane
what have you been doing to herr"
1--WE ben tryn' to milk her-thats what I've
ben doin'."
Here Columbus raised his head denantly and
looked at the woman standing before him.
But she's as gentle as she can be-"
Having said this Gertrude walked out OF the
east door and looked down the lane.
There was Lady Bellingham Chat was the pa
trician name of our Jersey racing back and forth,
her tail straight out behind her, her head up,
having every appearance Of the greatest excite
ment.
do we call that gentle?"
Columbus had followed Gertrude and now stood
beside her. He volunteered the suggestion that
the COW had been bitten by mad dog and was
now running mad
"She lest kicked, N slammed. n I d. know what
she didn't do when I tried to milk. / guess my
mar d think was havin hard time II she knew
it,"
When Columbus was most exasperating he al
ways mentioned his mar as commissioning him
for being in employ.
We went without milk that morning and 1t was
not until nearly noon that Of our neighbors
was induced to come up and try to milk our in
furiated COW. She was toleraby calm by this
time though she breathed hard, and whisked her
tail violently.
went to the barn to watch the process and
the boy at the same time. There was something
in the boys face that did not like. and was
sure that we should make one Of our discoveries
soon. But nothing was found out that day. In
the afternoon 1t rained and Columbus went fish
ing. We found very soon that he had to 30 FISH
ing every day when it rained, and when 1t looked
as II 1t would rain. When 1t was pleasant he was
obliged to spend great deal Of time digging
worms to have ready at moments notice II the
sky should become overcast He kept these worms
in a round wooden box with earth In 1t. This
ticle IL in truth our sugar box. but once when 1t
CHANGED to be empty, Columbus had taken it from
the buttery. and on being reproved. he said that
he had no notion that We wanted that old thing
He offered. with air Of great virtue to bring 1t
back, but Gertrude told him he could have II. for
now she should never think Of anything but worms
when she took sugar from 1t. But she did
quest Columbus to be so kind as to let us know
when he wished for anything else
1t was not until the next week that Mr.. White.
from over on the hill. stopped at our house his
way to mill with what he called "griss."
For some time thought that grss a
variety Of grain. and was not undeceived until
I asked our grocer who drives from Farnham
to bring US two pounds of griss for to try. But
this Is irrelevant.
We were both In our vegetable garden at the
west OF the house hoeing. We had to hoe II we
wanted any vegetables, for there had been
much cloudy and rainy weather lately that Colum-
bus had been fishing nearly all the time At first
we used to think that we should have some fresh
hsh to fry. but he has never yet brought home
more than half dozen hornpout the largest
about four inches long, and never could make
up my mind to eat a hornpout. anyway. would
almost as soon try repast Of pollywogs
But this also is irrelevant. Mr.. White, seeing
US In the garden. drew In his horse. We leaned
on our hoes and prepared for a little chat.
Thought you'd got boy" he said.
$50 we have" answered Gertrude, but he's
gone fishing"
oh"
Mr.. White chuckled. He sat silent a moment.
Then he began 20 laugh still more decidedly.
''Hows yer cow?' he asked.
'She seems all right now"