Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1895-11-27
A LEARNED TURKEY.

In6 OaJH6lQS were CrOppeu Dar0 dS d
convict's head. The corn was in the
shock and there was touch of winter
in the winds which blew over the hill
pasture. The months had gone by since
the thoughtful turkey had been brought
in squawking from the lane. He had
grown large and portly and carried him
self with dignity. Fortune, which had
appeared to him in the guise Of Hilda,
had been very kind to him. He had
been permitted to share the lawn with
an aged peacock of great personal beau
ty, from whom he had learned gentle
manners and department. He had dined
daily at the kitchen door. In the even
ings he had stood near the doorstep,
where Hilda and John-John was the
farm servant-sat and talked. Their
conversation was not instructive They
talked chiefly about themselves and a
cottage and love and other foolish top
les, but it afforded the turkey food for
thought He would stand somberly on
one leg as the shadows deepened and
the stars came out and watch the work
ing of their minds
''It is plain," he said one evening,
"that they are thoughtlessly optimis-
tic
He was watching them closely. John
had taken one of Hilda's red hands in
his brown hand and was looking par
ticularly and fatuously happy.
"When the corn's in, Hilda," John
SsTs11 oil if
can have the little wooden house. "
"He'll be only too glad," said Hilda.
''I guess he's expecting it," said John.
"It'll be big enough for US, - said
Hilda.
"For the present." said John, and
looked SO particularly, foolishly happy
that the turkey turned away in disgust.
He strolled across the lawn in deep
thought. Like all those who are solitary
or have the society only of interiors, he
had fallen into the habit of talking to
himself.
cit is evident, he said, speaking his
thoughts aloud, "that these two people
will marry. They will move into the
little wooden house They will live
there. They are such poor, dull crea-
lures they will not even know they are
unhappy. They will have children and
in their fatuous way be happier still.
Poor things! 1t lis bad enough to be un-
happy and know it. How much worse
is the state Of those who are unhappy
and think they are happy! Poor things!"
He stood on one leg and thought.
The moonlight streamed down and
made silhouette of him in black shad-
ow on the whitening lawn. He stood
there for an hour, immovable; only his
brain kept turning, turning and evolv-
ing thoughts.
1T is really very ridiculous" he
said, "but can't think of any way Of
putting an end to this wretched state Of
affairs. am not at my best tonight. !"
"What seems to be the matter?" asked
the peacock, who came up, trailing a
yard of rainbow plumage behind him.
81 am thinking" said the turkey
rather disdainfully. cit is an operation
which willnot interest you, my friend. +"
"Ah, perhaps not" said the peacock.
"What were you thinking about? And
why were you doing it?''
"Iwas thinking" the turkey replied,
for he was always willing to talk. 81
was thinking, or, to be more accurate,
was trying to think of some way Of
stopping this silly habit people have Of
coming into the world, eating and 60
ing out of the world again, leaving be-
hind certain number of 'understudies
to use phrase taken from the slang
Of the theater-to repeat the ridiculous
operation.
$50 you've begun to think about that,
have youf" said the peacock, laughing.
"Well, I should think you would. y
"What are you laughing at?" the
thoughtful turkey asked sharply.
"Oh, nothing" said the peacock; "of
course you're interested in the question.
I'm not, you see. %
"Well, I don't see. -
"You don't see? Well, you re partic-
ularly slow witted, even for turkey, !"
said the peacock.
perhaps you'll explain, the turkey
rejoined sarcastically.
Certainly" said the peacock, ''why
not?''
"Go on" said the turkey.
"Well, they come into the world,
don t they?"
"They do, said the thoughtful tur-
key, "though I've never yet thought to
think where they come from. I'll do it
tomorrow. Go on-people come into the
world.
"What do they do?" asked the pea
cock, with growing triumph.
"What do they do? Eat" said the
philosophical turkey.
"Eat what?"
"Oh, all sorts off,
"Youp' screamed the peacock in a
burst of triumph, "you! They eat you.
They pick your bones. They suck the
marrow out of your thigh bones. Some
Of 'em prefer white meat, and some Of
'e1n dark, and some of 'em say, It's i'm
material, thank you. So it is to them.
But it's not to you. Oh, no, it's you
they are eating, and''-
"Stop! stopl' cried the thoughtful
turkey. "This is too horrible. 1t is some
ghastly, grim and fearful jest Eat me?"
"Eat you," said the peacock more
calmly, "they eat you, my learned
friend, after you have been roasted to a
beautiful brown"
The thoughtful turkey groaned aloud.
"You seem to be in earnest" he said
after a pause.
81 am," the peacock replied. "Why
are you here? Have you thought Of
that?'
81 have often pondered upon it-why
am I here, where did come from, and
why did I Gomez"
"Well, I'll tell you. You were
brought here to be fattened. Th9 maid
supplied the food, and your reckless glut-