Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1895-02-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

/ ron W HH.
Man neye. recognizes his own folly
until after i has gotten away with aim.
GdlreSt0H NCr,.
Man, selli,hness always has been
three or four sizes too large for him.
GaireSion NcrS.
Brown / hear YOU are the happy
father of twins. Jones 81 am the father
Of twins -iyo
Self-couceit il, great fertilizer Any
man can grow in his own Estimation
GuircSloH NclCs.
The lawyer who worked like horse
was engaged in drawing conveyance.
-BoStoH BHhctjR.
The girl can generally play first fiddle
If she knows how TO handle her beau.-
Phdadcpbia Times.
He-Why do YOU think they are mar.
ricd? She heard her ask him for
kiss last night.-LUc.
81 wish YOU would mark down that
tot of ladies shoes said the merchant.
Yes. sir replied the experienced
clerk In price on size?'- WASHINGTON
StuY.
Cholly- Chappie, deah boy you aw
paN,itiyclN and gwos,iy intoxicated
you actually have "A JAZZ on. Chappie-
daw. l. it on straight? -L0HdoH ont.
Free Press
He Wei. for my part like picture
HAT tell, a story. She Mrs Wnherby's
portrait ought To suit you, then. 1t
makes her positively handsome.-Pedr-
sons IFeehlx
There, Biggser now: would you
call him patient man?' "All de-
ponds" "On what" Whether he's
tishin' or waitin' fer his supper. - Bug
tGiO COHrtcr.
What sort of an establishment is that
across the way ?" They teach drawing,
music and dancing. A young ladies'
seminary" NO i dentists surgery"
-Sparc Moments.
al, it true that Banker Gotcash has
bought him a typewritcr?' We'll, |
wouldn't put it n harshly a that
Everybody says. though, that She mar
ried him for his money - Butdlo
COUrtcr.
Hicks Don't YOU think that Diggles
i a good deal OF bore? Wicks-O |
don't know. Diggle, i, a tine fellow,
and good company when YOU nave
nothing 10 do and want 10 hear him talk.
-Bo>t1H Transcript
You must beware of tautology." said
the editor To his new assistant. is
there tautoiogical expression in the
article just handed YOU. sr?' Yes,
there is. ! on speak of a poor poet -
PtttS5'Wg chronicle.
de trouble wifi dc ladders oh success
in use now-er-days, said Uncle Eben,
"am dat they ain strong enough in de
j'iu1s. When yoh git, pooty cus ter de
top dey's Ii bic ter break an drap YER
-HdShiHgtoH Star
She (meditatively)- / wonder how
the expression facing the music ever
came to be used "a indicating courage?
He-The man who originated it had
probably sat through a Wagner con-
cert. -BuBalo courier.
nks-According to some of the
scientists. the human race is gradually
growing smaller. Strange. isn't il?
/ Danks-l dunno. People have got TO
adjust themselves 10 the modern flat
some way BuGaio Courier.
Mrs Slimdiet-The boarders are all
at the table. Where the milk? Cook
Here, mum; but it do look awful blue.
Mrs. Slimdiet-Then hurry into the
/ dining-room and pull down the yellow
sunshades. " J. HccHy.
Angry Customer Hello. You waiter,
where j, that oX-taii soup? Waiter
| Coming, sir-half minute. Customer
-Confouud you-how slow YOU are.
Waiter Fault of the order. sir. ON-tail
is always behind. -FtarsoH'S Weekly
Emperor Williams ancestors several
centurie, ago kept toli-gate and tho
members OF the family now living are
in the habit OF remarking, evidently in
respect 10 their pike keeping fore
fathers, "Wie gent s?'- BoStoH IraH-
script
Will-Why do YOU AWAY, carry those
/ corA> with YOU when you 20 To- cali ON
/ your hancee2 Jack Well Won see. she
| live, iu flat and Use them for stop
/ ping up the speaking tube, when | am
bidding her good night in the vestibule
" T. HeraH
well Dawkins. hows politics?
/ Going To run Tor office this fail?"
/ Nope. This is bad time. That's
/ So There are lot of investigating
committee, around \ statesman can't
make much more II his salary these
/ days. '-HUpers Bdzar.
Enfant Tcrible-Mrs. Mylcs was
/ prai>ing YOU today, mamma, to Mrs
! Renwick. ! was ON the other side of the
garden wall and heard EN-. Mamma
! What did she say? Enlant Terrible
/ She said there were worse old gOssips
! than you i'm the town.-ItUfh.
Sby (who has been thrown over by
her tance) / feel utterly discouraged
rippie (-oothiugly) Never mind, dear
remember there are a. good fish in the
sea a ever were caught. Sibyl-
/ That's all very well; but doesn't it occur
10 YOU that one may get tired fishing?
-l0yue.
Detected Youth would like TO re-
mrn thi, engagement ring purchased
4 here "A few DAYS agO. Jeweier- Didn't