The Penn's Grove record., 1895-07-12
uuMoR OF THE DAY.

n kpAA "a 'oAA NO"-
You usually love people because You
do not know them.-Atchison Globe.
A tree seems more polite in winter
because you can see its bougha-Ga.
zette.
The best "quarter- back"-The one
returned by the man to whom you
lent il. -Chicago Record.
Jagson says hot water will dissolve
almost everything, including a bust
ness firm.-Elmira Gazette.
stranger-"who owns this storeP'.
Oficeboy-srThe boss says ! do, but ]
don't. detroit Free Press.
asked a gay chrysanthemum
What made her flourish 80;
She answered, looking frollcsome,
81 get such lots OF showr
Jones-"Does Daubre paint for a
living?" Wright-"I should say not,
to Judge by his pictures New York
Times.
"No," she exclaimed with emotion
II can never forgive you, but-but-
I will try to forget you."-Bostop
Transcript.
The wariike spirit never dies,
In peace tbs present Just the same;
When Nations know no enemies
Their youth will bravethe football game.
Washington Star.
Mrs. Brown-Jones-"So he married
you after ALP Mrs. Brown-Smith-
eyes, after all I had, but he didn't
get it. Truth.
To borrow money is to borrow
trouble, and some men find it q good
deal of trouble to borrow money, too.
-Somerville journal.
A New Jersey exchange urges the
ase of the spring trap in dealing with
thievish tramps. It's a snappy arti'
cle.-Philadelphia Ledger.
at have lost my heart" he whispered,
Gazing in her lovely eyes;
But the maiden coldly answered,
"why dom you advertiser"
Professor Garner says he can tell
what monkeys say to n another.
But who wants to know that? There
is too much talk of that kind already.
Chicago Tribune.
He-"Was the Suddenlys elops
ment a ~success?" She-"Hardly her
father telegraphed them out West to
stay where they were and all would be
forgiyen."--Brooklyn Life.
Police Magistrate-"Have you evei
seen the prisoner OF the barr" Wit.
ness-.Never, your Honor; but I've
seen him when I strongly suspected
he'd been at it."-Tit-Bits.
Columbus was considered o greet
italian because he made an egg stand
on end, but nowadays Italians think
nothing of having a peanut stand op
the corner. Buffalo Times.
There was a young man In Bellaire,
Who said, "When I was at the faire-"
So they jumped on hts neck
And left him a wreck,
With his heels sticking up in the afro.
Indianapolis Journal
"You seem to be a-frayed," OBJ
served the fat-iron. "That's because
1 am hard pressed" retorted the
collar, starchily. And the ironing
board got hot under the collar. -Chi'
cago Tribune.
A fine collection Of fossils formed
by her father has been given to Cam.
bridge University (Englsnd) by Mira
Moore of Beardley. Several interest
ing specimens are still at large on this
ide.-Philadelphia Ledger.
oficeboy-"In get ever with tn,
old snooze for not letting me OF this
afternoon" Janitor-"What a you
do?" OHiceboy-"Every crank, book
agent and bum that comes will go
straight In. "--Brooklyn Life.
Crusty Old Gentleman-"Your SIM
ing. Miss Taylor, is like altar of roses
-" Miss Taylor with a gratifed
smile)-"Oh, you are too fattering."
Old Gentleman continuing)-''A little
of it goes a long Way it-Bits.
Teaoher-"Who can tell me wha.
useful article we got from the whale?"
Johnny - "Whalebone." Teacher
Fright. Now, what little boy or girl
knows what we get from the seal?
Tommy--'Sealing wax."--Racket.
''Mr. Smartly," said the professor
m the astronomy class, show far
should we let ourselves be guided by
the theories of CopernicusY" "As TO
that" replied Mr.. Smartly, II should
prefer to intrust SO important . de-
cision entirely to you, sir. "-Chicago
Record.
81 have seed some pretty ignefnA
people amung the summer boardera
my wife takes every year." said old
Mr.. Jason, "but they amt none
of them up to the young woman thet
wanted to know II apple butter wuz
made from feedin' apples to the cowa.'
Indianapolis Journal.