Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-04-11
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Curious and LaHghable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por-
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Sprink1es of Spice.

Sprink1eS OF Spice
Mrs Editur-This hat is q perfect
poem Editur-AlI the more reason I
should decline to pay for it--Brooklyn
Life.
Renter-Is there water on the top
floor of this house? House Agent
Yes, ma am; when it rains.-Philadel-
phia Inquirer.
Mrs. Watts-Don't you ever do any
thing at all? Weary Watkins-Oh, yes,
mum. Sometimes | does time.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Pipkin-I want money, and I want
it bad. Potts-Then you'll have to get
it from a counterfeiter.-Smith Gray
& Co.'S Monthly.
Teacher-Tommy, what was the
name of the wife of Napoleon? Tom
my-It-it-it wasn't Trilby, was it,
Cincinnati Tribune.
II understand that Freddy is getting
ready to be married. What is he
doing?' ''Taking lessons at the cook
ing-school.' Judge.
Shelf there's one thing / hate it's
being photographed. He-Yes, dear, it
must be hard for you to look pleasant
Pail Mall Budget.
When the weather forecaster pre-
diets cold wave that doesn't come, it
may be referred to as a signal failure.
Philadelphia Record.
'How did Mrs. Lovely happen to be
1rOnna1 from tho Won, to
Club?' ''She spoke in praise of her
husband. ''-Brooklyn Life.
We can't tell you, Constant Reader,
what days are considered unlucky to
be married on. Authorities differ;
some say 365.-Philadelphia Record.
Father-So you wish to make my
daughter your wife? Suitor-Well, it's
the only way l can see of becoming
your son-in-law.--Ch Inter Ocean.
''Name twelve animals of the polar
regions" said the professor, and the
despairing student wrote: "Six seals
and six polar bears. youths Conn
panion.
"Great Scott! put through a terrible
thought I'd borrowed So and woke and
found it a dream. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
do you know the count actually ad-
dresses her in public as his treasure"
Treasure? His English is a little off.
He means investment. "AIndianapoIis
Journal.
Hobson-I understand your daughter
is taking great pains with her singing.
The Poor Father-"Taking" is not the
word; giving" is more like it.-Phila~
delphia Record.
Mrs. Watts-So it was in the Chicago
wheat market that you lost your all?
Everett Wrest-Yes, mum, all save me
honor-and an elegant thirst.-Indian-
apolis Sentinel.
Willie-Papa, Maud and James do
not need light in the parlor, do they?
Papa-Why not? Willie-Because l
thought you said love was blind.-Har-
ward Lampoon.
She-You were behind me at the play
last night, weren't you? How did you
enjoy it? He-I thought it was one
of the prettiest ones you ever wore
New York Herald.
''What is the meaning of this, Mary?
This is the second time have found a
policeman in the Kitchen "Lor',
mum! I'm so afraid Of the cockroach-
es.'-Pall Mall Budget
Oculist presenting bilD-I think your
sight has been improved. Patient
docking at bilD-I could have seen a
thing as big as that before ever saw
ou.-Philadelphia Inquirer.
"No, George" said the mature but
still lovely maiden to her youthful
adorer, II can never be anything more
than mother to you Your father
spoke first Chicago Tribune.
''Where is the pretty girl you were
making love to last SUMNER ooh.
she's married long ago" "Jilted You,
eh:' mo, worse than that; she mar
ried me"-Chicago Inter Ocean.
F'igg Ito Fogg, who has married a
widow)-"Wonder if you ever remind
your wife of her first husband!" 81
don't know about that; but she often
reminds me of him" Boston Tran
script
"What time does the last train
leave?' asked the traveller. And the
gatekeeper at the Boston depot gave
him a naughty look, and replied:
"When the road quits business. -
Washington Star.
Professor Steeleye-By simply hold
ing a bright object before PERSONS
eyes for five minutes, | can hypnotic
him, and make him do anything
wish. Bouttown-Thats nothing. By
holding bright object before restau-
rant walters eyes for three-quarters
of second, can make him my slave
New York Weekly.