The record-union., 1895-04-09
LITTLE LAUGHS.

AS soon as woman consents to marry
a man he begins to wonder if he was wise
lii asking her.-Exchange.
so he married an ideal wife," Eyes;
perfect home body; he never takes her
anywhere. New York Press.
Il saw train held up yesterday" re-
marked Bagshot to Gumdrop. "Where ?u
AT church wedding. ."-Truth.
Mrs. Key board-Why do you always
SIT at the hotel piano? You can't play
note. Old Stokes-Neither can any one
else while Pm here.-Munsey's Weekly.
He-Now, II am lover of yours.
lover OF twenty years. standing. She
Well, take seat, you must be tired
Truth.
Husband-You can't cook like mother
could. Wife-No; nor L can't whip like
your mother could, either.-Detroit Free
Press.
Grace-She's very eccentric. Ethel
How? Grace-She married the man she
was engaged to at the seashore last sum-
mer.-Syracuse Post.
Teacher explaining that the earth is
round)-Iommy, what country on the
globe is China under? Tommy who
reads the newspapersJ-J Japan.-Chicago
Record.
Have you any idea what the relations
are between Miss Wellotf and young
Slimpurse?" "Er-yes-a father and a
mother. Both her parents are opposed to
him."-Buttalo Courier.
Master Ito his page boy)-If ANYBODY
calls, you can say that l shall be back at
Il. Page-Ees, sir. Master returning at
sir; six beggars. They will look in again
at l2.-Kikeriki.
II wonder what Wickles has done with
his new bicycle ?" ~ don't know, |
don't believe his family will pay much at
tentlon to that phase OF the question until
the surgeon finds out what his new blew
Gle has done with Wickles. ."-Washinp-
ton Post.
Old Crusty-Whata charming girl baby
you have, Mrs. GTimes-and speaking
of girls, don't you know l always adored
them, and could ever tell a first-class
girl at glance. What is her name,
please? Mrs. Grimes (sadlyl-AlUert.-
Exchange.
Father Ito small son with a black eye)
w hats the matter, Dick? Small Son
Johnny Higgins hit me this afternoon.
Eather-WelI, he's boy of your size. [
hope you hit him back? Small Son
Oh, hit him yesterday.-New York sun.
Great Novelist fear that our poor In
dian charges are becoming restless and
dissatisfied. What would you suggest i?
Lone Trail Pete-Blue vitriol and walnut
juice for a change. Even , IL Injun III git
tired o. Gov'ment whisky after a while.
-CleYeland Plain Dealer.
Little Beth had gone into the country.
'You must keep an awful lot of police
men out mere, grandpa" she said. on the
first day after her arrival. why so.
Beth ?' said her grandfather. "Oh'
there's such a lot OF grass to keep of of.'
Inter Ocean.
Stewards mother was making sand
wiches out OF deviled ham. Inc little
fellow came along, and, seeing the can
with the picture OF the imp on 1t, regarded
it earnestly awhile and then said:
Mamma, what is that stuff" "phis?
Oh. this is deviled ham" He looked
seriously at the mixture, and in an awed
voice inquired. why, mother, have they
killed him ?"-Congregatienalist.
A Boston gentleman calling on lady
who lives in the Back Bay District tried
to ingratiate hlmselfwith her by noticing
the child she held in her arms. "Ah!
calsee. catsee, coo, co.," he gureled.
chucking the little one under the chin
The child looked up inquiringly to its
mother, and said distinctly, Mamma.
is the gentleman afflicted with paresis ?'j