Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1895-09-30
FACTS AND FANCIES.
oh. for glimpse Of the polar waste
Or piece of an iceberg drear.
Or a cooling breeze from the Arctic seas,
Or even a cold, cold beer!


Or a piece of an iceberg drear.
Or cooling breeze from the Arctic seas,
Or even cold, cold beer! 80,
To Judge from their conversation one
would imagine some men to be supplied
with pneumatic brains.-P Philadelphia
Record.
Poet Ito farmer)- See what beauts-
full prospect is unfolded in yonder billowy
fields; and, bark! the voice of the plough
manw
Temperance Advocate-"Will you come
up and take the pledge?'
Topper (absent-mindedly) Ihanks;
don't mind if I do
Farmer he's been a-cussin' of
that mule sence daylight; and it's one o
them German mules that used to pull
beer wagon. and he can't understand
word O it!"-Atlanta Constitution.
Pleasant All Round.-Prunella: Il
told you I would be revenged on Tom
Murray. Well, I am revenged.
Priscilla
Prunella-''I started a report that he is
engaged to you"
Wigwag says he didn't mind so much
being thrown by piece of orange-peel IN
Fleet street the other day. What hurt
him most were the peals of laughter that
came from the spectators.
Domestic Economy John, dear, don't
you think you had better order the WIN
ter's coal now!'
I made calculation the other day, and
I find it will be cheaper for me to pro-
vide each member of the family with
sealskin coat this winter
That Mysterious Language.
81 see that in your new German gram
mar the appendix is about five times as
long as the first part of the book"
German Professionalism, YES. Ine
first part contains the rules, and the
appendix the exceptions to the rules
II tell you, my brethren" cried the
rector ''the devil does not stay at home
he's at work-hes abroad" Il know
what's coming" whispered the head
in a bid to be allowed to go abroad after
him" -Harper's Bazaar.
II am on my way home, DOCTOR said
parsimonious city alderman, who. was
fond of getting advice gratis, meeting a
well-known physician, "and I'm thorough
~ tired and worn out. What ought.
to take?" '"Take a cab" replied the in
telligent medico.-Tid-Bits.
Mr.. Caustic-"By the way, dear, let
me give you point about letter-wrlt-
ing"
Mrs. C.-"What is it. dear?''
Mr.. C.-''Hereafter always write your
postscript first, and it will save you the
trouble of writing your letter. Rich
mond Dispatch.
First Office Boy-"Do you like your
job?" Second Office Boy-"Naw The
typewriter is 80; the book-keeper,s sore
cause he can't be a dude on SS a Week:
the installment company took the head
clerks bicycle away from him last week
cause he hadn't paid up on it, and the
boss won't let me whistle anywhere. =
Somerville Journal.
These firemen must be a frivolous
set," said Mr. Spilkins, who was read
the paper that after a fire was under
control the fremen played all night on
the ruins Why didn't they go home
and go to bed like sensible men, instead
of romping about like children ?''-TeXas
Siftings.
"What do you want?" asked the lady
of the house Of the tramp.
''Suthin' ter eat"
Il haven't anything IN the house ex-
cept bread and timed beef. DO you
want some of that!'
''No,'' he said sadly. "I'd better move
on. 1t 'ud be pity ter waste sech
fine appetite on sech poor victuals.
Willie-"Ma, is pa an artist?"
Ma-"No, DEAR"
Amt a man that draws an artist?
YES
well, I hear pa tell Mr.. jackpot
that he had never seen anything so
pretty as the three kings he drew last
night. "-Philadelph Record.
1T pains me to report" said the chair
man of the investigating committee,
that we have been grievously betrayed,
grossly deceived"
"How?" said several members in uni
son.
Il have just learned explained the
chairman, regretfully, 'that there are
some members of this committee who
really wish to investigate"