The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1895-08-28
SATAN is not as good as he is painte,


THE sea serpent is seen through ma
rine glasses darkly.
THE simple truth is seldom spoken
by SUPPLEMENTARY Horn.
IT is noticeable that men who keep
their mouths open bolt their food.
ONE of the comforts of existence is
that the coming woman never comes.
MARY had little lamb. 1t was
roasted, and she wanted more.-Boston
Courier.
LIFE would be more of q grand, sweet
song il 30 many people didn't think
they could sing.
"PooR Jenny Her husband is very
low" "In what way-disgustingly
vulgar or only very ill?"
MOVEMENT would make an apt
euphemism for tramp" for move
ments are always on foot.
EVEN the bicycle has it's limit of en-
durance. Like the horse, it is not tire
less, though in different way.
THERE are persons who, if they
owned the earth, would never be happy
because they did not also hold mort
gage Oh Tue heavens.
CARE these colors fastP" she asked
the new clerk. eyes, indeed. You
ought to see them when they once start
to run" -Philadelphia Times.
IT was Connecticut woman who re-
fused to buy copy of the Bible from
an agent because it did not contain the
portraits of the presidents of the United
States.
THE cynic was overhead mumbling
to himself, the other day, as to whether
there was as little of Christianity in the
so-called Christian Science as there is
of science.
TRAMP: "Say, boss, could yer give
fellow dime for q square meal?"
Kind Gentleman: Certainly, if the
meal is good one. Where is it?"-
The State.
GOOD may sometimes come out of
evil. There are men in this world who
are 80 stingy that they would not give
another lie even upon the strongest
provocation.
DIES MONIES saloons are advertising
to sell two glasses of beer for a nickel.
That is the most open bid for the ma
tional convention that has yet come to
light.-Winona Herald.
"SToP the press!" shouted the editor.
"The new reporter has written up an
accident and has left out willing
hands and "a thrill of horror ran
through the spectators
NATURE" said Uncle Eben, "doan'
nebber bestow all her gifts on one in
diviijle. De lightnin' bug amt got no
singer, an de skeeter amt got no
lamp. "-Washington Star.
"GREEN tea or black tea, miss?" in
quired the shopman in a sort of medico-
bedside manner. 81 don't think it
matters" said the girl; "missus is color
blind. Fort Worth Gazette.
"How is it with that MANI" shouted
the good clergyman, reaching a climax.
And the retired umpire, doing in the
back pew, started up suddenly and re-
piled, "Safe on third. Albany Ar
gus.
"CLERK: "Yes, sir! That's one of
the best clocks we have in the store.
It goes eight days without winding"
Hayseed: els that so? How long do
you figure she'll go when you do wind
her?'-Harper's Bazaar.
MISTRESS (greatly scandalized)-" Is
it possible, Huldah, you are making
bread without having washed your
hands?" New kitchen girl" Lor' =,
what's the difference, mum? It's brown
bread. "-Chicago Tribune.
CLEFT: "They tell me your daugh.
ter Julia is quite singer. Has she
good voice? Is her method" Staff:
Can't say 80 much about her voice,
but her method is superb. She never
sings when am at home"
EDITOR: Would the senator be
interviewed" Reporter: "No, sir.
He shut the door in my face" Editor:
"Then write up his biography from
the encyclopaedia, put in woodcut,
and wind up with Thanking the
senator for his courtesy, our reporter
withdrew"
JONAS DEMONSTRATIONS mum,
kin yer give US sump'n't eat?" Lady
"What? You two strapping fellows
begging?" Casper Corker-"No, lady;
yer see we's on one o. desc yer roun'-
de-worl' trips without money, an we
amt got time to stop an work".-Chi-
cago Record.
A COUNTRY paper declares that "Mr.
Johnson, farmer of our village,
on returning to his house the other day,
found in his ground floor bedroom, the
door of which had been left open,
COW, probably astray." The conjecture
expressed in the last two words may
be set down as, on the whole, fair
one.-Presbyterian Messenger.