The Penn's Grove record., 1895-07-05

ceased uncle), asked the Doctor fol
. story. None Of us had ever heard
the Doctor tell a story, so we mentally
concluded that Dufferin had made .
mistake. 1t was quite surprising to
the rest Of us, too, for Dufferin wal
the most careful and conscientious ex.
tractor of stories, "reminiscences, and
personal experiences in the club. The
Colonel raised his fine gray eyebrows
rather inquiringly, the Professor
coughed slightly, and I must confess
that I frowned distinctly at Dufferin.
was surprised at his caImness. If the
Doctor bored us Dufferin would fall in
our estimation to an extent that Meth.
ar he nor any of us cared to contem.
plate. 1t was quite a critical state OF
Affairs.
The Doctor was gazing blankly into
the fire. He was the %jolliest listener
in the world, and young in spite Of
his sixty years. But he vas quite a
neophyte at storytelling, and he
looked simply ridiculous, half-1ost as
he was in the %capacious seat and dark
shadows of the great club-chair. We
held our breath, and, for one, / am
snre I trembled with apprehension.
The Doctor peered around from
sither arm of his chair and glanced
carefully at the room.
ST observe" said he with a calmness
that restored our confidence'to a slight
extent, ''that you are all large men
ave myself. Therefore I will make d
confession rather than tell a story.
] would not dare to touch upon the
subjectif there were another moderate.
sized man present, for he might be
sufficiently larger han myself. Yes;
1t is a confession. For all I know, !
once committed an act that might
have put me behind prison bars for Q
good long period.
"You zone Of you know the extern,
TO which q small man suffers from his
physical inferiority. I'll wager thai
Napoleon, envied Murat's immense
size, in spite of the fact that the lat
ter was merely one of the Emperor'i
hnmblest tools. It is the same with
all of us. We all know that we have
three or four times the brain power
that you big men have-'hem, don't
shoot, gentlemen-but there is no use
in ~eoncealing, or at least in denying
the fact that we small men envy you
large ones in the possession of what
the Professor would call your kinetic
energy-your mass multiplied by the
square of your velocity. As I have
grown, / will not say old but older, for
[ still consider myself standing on the
threshold of life, I have begun to ap-
preciate the compensations Of nature,
and I now can look at a large man, as
he lumbers up the street, or flops into
. chair like an overgrown bag of malt,
with a feeling akin to pity. But in
my youth, or rather in my mewling
infancy (say when I was about twenty
Ave years of age) my disparity in size
caused me the keenest modification.
This modification would result in a fit
of anger when some well-meaning
small man would refer to the story of
David and Goliath and point with
pride to the fact that small men usu.
ally got there just the same. I have
never had any respect for this David.
That business of using a slung-shot
was as unfair as it would be to put q
Hotchkiss gun in the pitchers box in
. ball game. 1t makes my blood boil
10 think that David did not go ont and
thrash him with his bare knuckles, for
| am quite satisfied that Goliath in
tended to fight fair and square MAR
quis Of Queenbury' rules, just like any
Other man who is not o gentleman
''WeIl, when L was about twenty,
Eve / had, by dint of hard word and
good luck in having hung out my
single in a particularly unhealthy
neighborhood, arrived at q condition
when / might indulge my pocket-booA
In what I may call the anti-fattening
process to a certain extent. In Other
words, 1 could afford to take an after.
noon and a five-dOllar bill off for
pleasure-jRunt once in a while. In.
deed, / had begunto readpoems about
domestic bliss and occasional love.
stories. But before / could permit
myself to think of marrying I de.
termined tc get, once for all, thor.
Dughly ever with the absurd race OF
big men. / had a scheme which Ihad
worked ont very thoroughly. / wal
going to completely humiliate some
great brute of a man. and 1 was going
TO do it without the aid ofn weapon Of
any description. 1 provided myself
Sith a pair Of shears"
'Weapons?" suggested the Colonel.
t'Not at all" answered the Doctor;
''instruments of torture. I slipped
them into the pocket of my overcoai
and rode down to the Bowery in
Third avenue car. / was in a com.
plaoent mood. The night was clear,
The air crisp with Just a suggestion Of
. downfall Of snow. You know. What