The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1895-09-01
UNCLE HOBART'S TEST

You see, my boy" said Uncle Hobart,
"matrmony is a dangerous thing. You
buy a horse, and If 1t balks you send It
off to auction to be sold. But with a
wife 1t is altogether different. You can
neither sell nor exchange her-it's a life
long bargain"
But, Uncle Hobart" said the nephew
and heir-appaTent OF that gentleman,
lets take another view of the matter
Suppose that she is all that is lovely
excellent and desirable"
Uncle Hobart Renshaw rubbed his nose.
As an inveterate bachelor of five and
fifty he was naturally inclined to take
the less sanguine view Of the case.
Paul" said he, tits of no use to ar
que the matter. A young man in love
IA a young man mad for the time being
If you've made up your nind to get mar
ried not all the arguments in creation
win avail against it. Only Sbe sure you
make a right choice. Remember how
much depends upon it,"
Paul Fontaine laughed good-humoredly
Like all young men, he thought so much
caution quite unnecessary.
There are two sisters of these Lind
leys. you say?" said Uncle Hobart, re-
flectively polishing his giittering specta-
Gle glasses.
1.-TWO sir-Emily and Esther"
Both of 'em pretty?'
''As twin blush roses, SIR
There you 60" said Uncle Hobart
testify. Right into sentiment, just like
a three volume novel,"
well, sir, isn't it natural enough to
compare a pretty girl to a beautiful
I ip1r ne
cen Iclrison"-
you needn't trouble yourself in
terrupted Uncle Hobart, ''what want
to find out is what they are like"
Esther is bright and sparkling; Emily
is all softness and refinement. Esther
is brunette with the blackest hair I
ever saw. Emily has chestnut curls and
blue eyes, and a lovely fair complex
ion"
Exactly" Uncle Hobart hummed an
old tune which had been popular in his
youth:
Black eyes most dazzle at a ball;
B,ue eyes most please when shadows fall.
"And which do you like best, Paul,
eh?"
'They are both of them charmlngp'
energetically answered the young man.
that the Turkish system prevailed here,
and that 1 could marry both of them"
'Difficu,t to decide which is the most
fascinating?" questioned Uncle Hobart.
But the thing is, my lad, which will
wash and wear the best for everyday
life?"
That's question which the future will
decide Uncle. Unfortunately, We have
no chemical test TO decide the matter"
Think not" said Uncle Hobart dryly.
Look here, Paul, up to the present
time you have only seen these girls
through the chiaroscuro of visiting dress
and company manners. What would you
give to behold them as they really are
to get peep behind the scenes?"
Half that l am possessed of, uncle!"
cried out Fontaine with admiration "ir
only to be abe to satisfactorily prove to
you, sir, how pure and noble an1 high
souled they are. But all this is nom
sense. OF course it is an impossibilty"
Nothing of the sort said Uncle Ho-
bart, "You say that up to the present
these girls do not know me personally, or
my connection with the board of health.
Wen, IT is true that I am neither a wiz
ard nor a magician, but l am what is
quite as useful in this matters sani-
tary official. l go into peoples back
doors when l wish it. / stride remorse-
lessly through their kitchens and cellars
when l want to see for myself, rather
than trust my inspectors. 1 am at lib
erty to take a downstairs view of the
world Eth, young man, what do you
think of that?"
Paul Fontaine stared.
81 don't understand how
But you will, doubtless, when l tell
you that the Lindleys' house is in my
district; that 1 have decided to go there
tomorrow morning to see personally
that all the drainage is perfect. If you
choose to volunteer little help, I'll dis
guise you as one of my men and"
with all my heart, nncle!" cried the
young man, with glittering eyes and
heightened color. ~ fear no ordeal
to which you can subject Esther ana
Emily. Believe me, the metal will ring
true!'
We'll we'n see," said Mr. Renshaw.
I'm the meantime suppose you ring for
tea"
Hobart Renshaw was a man of prop
erty, but he was also a man of peeuliari-
ties. One of these was to earn his bor-
ough surveyors salary as honestly as il
he depended on it for his daily bread.
'Pecp.e call him a miser but little cared
he for that The widow, the fatherless
and he that was ready to perish could
tel a different tale, and Hobart Rem
shaw, quaint and eccentric though he
was, could read the book of human char
acter with an alarming unerring eye
Run, Betty, run! It's that nuisance
of a drainman again. 1t does seem to me
as If ne came about a great deal oftener
than is at all necessary
The Lindleys were people who kept up
a grand appearance upon comparative
ly disproportionate foundation. Their
sitting room was elegantly furnished;
their hall upholstered in Persian pat
termed Brussels. with rosewood rack and
Gothic hal chair, but the kitchen was
gloomy subtsrranean apartment, scantily
furnished ana uninviting in aspect.
Moreover, the Lindleys were struggling
to keep up appearances on Il moderate
income, and Betty, the little workhouse
girl, in her print frock and thick shoes,
was the oI..y servant they kept.
Dear me! what is the young man
sticking mis- nose in here for" cried out
Esther, Indignantly "Does he expect
to find drains in the fireplace or under
the wash tubs?'
please, cir. the sinks in the cellar
sir. This way. siri'' said Betty. camp
ing on ahead and turning open cellar
door. whence rushed b.ast OF sepW-
chrally damp air.
But the one glance into the kitchen had
been enough Esther. in a greasy pink
dress. and her hair in bristle OF curl
papers. sat before tray, with a bowl
on her lap, eating 10 o'clock breakfast.
White her pretty feet. thrust into pair