Birmingham age-herald., 1895-01-08

 sor, for have smattering of French, which fact kept secret, for natural ly wished to appear we'll in the eyes of my teacher.
 You speak perfectment. You have ze pronunciation tres bien. I give you ze second lesson for nussing. l make you one example pour ma profession" With this he marched me to a second photograph on the opposite side of the room, where the same performances with ear pieces and head gear were gone through with.
 'Now," he exclaimed, elevating him. self on his toes and coming down with a soft thud on his heels. "I leave pour ze half hour. You learn ze lesson; I go to zc ozzer lady" And he nodded his head towards the next room where six photographs were placed, three on side. taught glimpse of two or three bright-eyed girls, sitting notion less with intent faces listening to the instruction that was evidently being doled out to them through the long tubes of the phonographs.
 My second lesson was composed of sentences and answers given first in English, then in French, each one re- peated. ten times, thus furnishing the student ample opportunity, if not too stupid, to memorize each phrase before the second one was heard.
 "Have-you-the- Avez-vous le pain?" was the first thing that sounded upon my ears. Ah, yes, I thought, have the bread, but it is in my pocket wrapped in napkin. It is my lunch, which had forgotten in my interest over the lesson. As the phrase was repeated over and over, slowly, very slowly, that the student might imbibe the meaning, grew hungry and more hungry; my stomach was empty. It was six o'clock when had eaten nasty breakfast of coffee and rolls and here it was almost one and had been on the jump six long hours.
 'Ycs, sir, I-have-the-brea Oui, monsieur, j'ai le pain" This is terrible, thought, and I grew fainter as the questions ran on.
 as-she-the-meat? A-t-elle Ia viande?"
 'Merciful heavens!' moaned; "it is chicken sandwich in my pocket and my mouth waters for one bite only of the precious morsel."
 "Yes-sir-she-has- Oui monsieur, ellie a la viande," replied the phonograph, only too truthfully. Ten times it affirmed this, then with re- newed energy hootcd in my ears:
 "Has-she-the- eggs? A-t-elle les oeufs."
 Eggs, tool" murmured. "This is too cruel".
 She-has-the-eggs. File les oeufs"
 "Has--she-the-wine A-t-elle le vin?"
 "No; the professor said nothing about wine going with the lesson. have no wine." But Prof. Monograph seemed deaf and continued with his stupid questions.
 "We-have-the--wine Nous avons To vin."
 "Oh, you have, have yon9" ejacu- lated. I've have the wine," repeated the photograph, with ficndish ring of delight not expressed in the former sentences.
 -they-the-beer? Ont-ils la biere?"
 I waited anxiously for reply to this, for thought perhaps if they had the beer there might be some show of my joining in the lunch at last. My knees knocked together, my back ached; surely the half hour was up. But no, the old clock that licked so slowly on the wall opposite gave. me yet fifteen minutes of time.
 "They - have - the - beer - and - glasses. Ills ont la biere ct glasses verreS."
 "Thank Heavenr I murmured and sank on my knees still holding the ear pieces. II hear! I hear," l cried im- patiently as the statement was re- this!" I finally exclaimed: ''There is surely some way to stop the machine. It must change the subject or I shall scream" rose to my feet not daring to try to take the ear pieces from their places for fear that the professor might return. Seeing that the head arrangement held the apparatus se- curely in place reached over in search of the button that would start me on some new subject that would take me away from the thought of food.
 There was a pause. My heart stood still. A soft purring sound was fol- lowed by the sentence: "Have-you- the-bread?"
 Mein Gott! The instrument was go- ing to repeat the same old story from the beginning. tried to snatch off the head piece, but the professor had screwed the top so could not unfasten 1t. I glanced at the clock; ten minutes yet Yes, plenty of time to eat my lunch, and when the answer came: "Yes, have the bread," was munch- ing my sandwich with fendish delight. "Why should the photograph tell fibs all the time?" questioned. The last morsel was disappearing when the pro- lessor hove in sight. e. ''Ze half hour is up;" he exclaimed, then noting the remains of my feast he tore his hair, be danced, he circled about and his French, though unin- tclligible, was truly expressive.
 ''Zis is no place for ze lunch! ex- cuse you!' and with that was freed.
 Those ten sentences still ring in my l., ,,,r olr,