Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-05-11
TOLD ABOUT TOWN.
How a Merry Hobo Tried to I'M
pose on a Generous Lady.
GIVEN A NEAL, he ASKS A NAP.

ISOLATION to the witness-A Young Man's
Embarrassing Mistake.
Probably the nerviest piece of
business known to the profession of
back-door rappers occurred in Dav-
export the other afternoon. A speci-
men who looked the last remnant of
Coxeyism and Kellyism, whose coun-
tenance was haggard, the cause Of
which was escaping towns where
chances of securing employment
were suspicious, appeared at the
rear door of a residence on Brady
street, and asked for something to
replenish an empty feeling. The
lady of the house came to the door.
'.Please nam, could you leave me
have a cup of coffee?"
NO" replied the lady, "tea was
the only stimulant we had for din
ner."
"Well, would it be too much trou-
BILE to make me cup of coffee?"
She said she guessed not, and babe
him enter. and proceeded forthwith
to supply the desired beverage.
When he sat down to partake he
asked for accompanying nourish-
ment, which was also furnished.
After eating awhile. Weary Waggles
suddenly broke out: MADAM, have
you no horseradish?
She gave negative answer. and
in a surprised tone, he continued.
''What. no horseradish?" Again re-
plying that she had not, and asking
if mustard would not do, he an
swered compromisingly that it
would. When he had comfortably
disposed of the meal which the gen
erous lady had supplied him with, h e
arose and asked this nervy question:
"Now have you any objections to
permitting me to lie down an hour
or so. l have always made it
practice to take nap after eating"
She rebuked his query indignant
ly. but it did not seem to phase him.
"Why, madam, l will assure you
there will be no Inconvenience to
you. l will make no disturbance nor
disarrange anything. l will simply
retire for an hour or so. aud depart
without causing you any trouble"
The lady informed him that her
forbearance had ceased, and that if
he did not decamp she would sum-
mon an officer. His trampship left
without further ceremony.
Both Ia the Same Fix.
One of the county bailiffs was
| serving summons on certain gen.
tleman to appear before the grand
jury as a witness to produce evidence
in behalf of the women Sunday
saloon crusaders. While the man
realized that he had been discov-
cred partaking of refreshing
bowl by the Sabbath visitors, he new
ertheless deprecated the idea of hav-
ing to go before the criminal
courts and relate everything he
knew, which would be in favor of the
compliments.
..Pshaw! l think this is all bosh-
this business of being compelled to
criminate yourself before a jury, a"
said the witness. respectfully in a
matter of so little importance as this.
OF course, know what the laws are,
but then, if there is any way Of getting
out of it, 1 would feel much relieved
in escaping such an ordeal"
"Oh, you've got no kick coming, p"
replied the legal messenger. The
sheriff just finished reading me a
summons for the same identical
purpose. I'm in as bad fix as you
are"
That was at least one source of
consolation.
| An Embarrassing Mistake.
The two gentlemen were convers-
ing over business matters and other
things one afternoon in drug store.
One of them, WHO'S unmarried, had re-
Gently returned after a protracted
absence from the city, and conse-
quently had forgotten the counte-
nances of his less intimate acquaint-
| ances.
Two well dressed and attractive
young ladies entered the store. One
cast smiling glance and spoke to
him, rs did her friend.
Good afternoon" he replied, re-
moving his hat and bowling in recog-
milton of all the graces of finished
etiquette. He seemed very much
pleased with his friendly reception.
and winked at his friend as though
desiring to let him know that it was
a case of mash. "By jove! they're
beauties" he said in an undertone.
Il wonder who they are? l don't
recollect of of meeting them any.
whore. But they seem to know me.
l guess I'll have to get better ac-
quainted.
"Why," broke out his friend laugh
ingly, '.those ladies are employed as
domestics at your house."
The young man blushed, his Jaw
dropped and he suggested soda
water indulgence.
Wouldn't This Frost You?
Two gentlemen who went to st.
Louis few days ago, yesterday real
izing the torrid effects of the tenn
perature peculiar at the Missouri
metropolis, purchased duck suits.
expressing their other clothes back
home. On leaving St. Louis last
night they lost confidence in the