Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-02-01

guaged, open-hearted, frank an6 charit-
able mule that he appears on tho surface.
He runs too largely to feet and not
largely enough to charity. He is of a
tickle nature, and he is not built to with
stand temptation"
"Do you speak OF the horsey, four
footed and cary mule of the %barnyard?"
I queried in en- ~interrogative way, cor
do you refer more particularly to the
two-legged mule with the largely de-
veloped opinion who is occasionally en-
%countered in the upper crust of society,""
ut is of the animal mule of which I
speak at this time," he said, %explanator-
lily. "The geological mule, as it we're, Of
the innocent appearance, and the elastic
hind leg. The barnyard mule, if you
will, who tickles the planets with his
restless hind feet, and who batters up
his dearest friends with the cast-iron
shoes which have been secured for him
and fitted on at great expense, and with
great bloodshed and occasional loss of
life. The cultured mule, so to speak,
who has grown up in the hallowed at
mosphere of the kitchen doorstep, and
who has been reared, you might say, in
the sacred precincts of the home circle.
It is of this mule that 1 have presumed
to address you, a total stranger. And it
is to a mule of this description, who has
been given every advantage of early edu-
cation and training and good breeding,
that | owe the rather dllapidated and
foot-bally cast of countenance which 1
wear at this time" and he wept hot, bit
ter tears.
"Unburden yourself to me-" I abjured
him. I always yearn to abjure total
strangers to unbosom these family skele-
tons to my sympathetic eye. And SO I
took his hand, while the scalding tears
coursed down his face, and his frame
shook with sobs which had never been
used before.
HE was a handsome mule" he went
on, after a moment, "with a wealth of
lower-lip. and flowing, auburn hair.
Often, when a youth, he would eat,
trustingly from my hand. As he grew
older, he would eat also from the hands
of other people, and he did not hesitate to
eat from their arms, or legs, or to nibble
from their faces, if the opportunity pre-
sc nted itself. He was raised with great
care, and after We had raised him, he
always tried to raise everyone else who
came and dallied in the neighborhood of
his gable end. He was an intelligent
mule, and every n predicted that he
would make his mark. And he did. He
made his mark whenever any one saun-
tered carelessly into his presence. He
made some marks which are being worn
by residents in our neighborhood to this
day.
but to me he was uniformly kind and
gentle. He yearned to tattoo strangers
with his acrobatic feet, but for me he
showed an affection which was touch
ing. His affection for strangers was
touching, too, but they seldom remained
to be touched a second time. They ad-
mltted him to be a striking mule in
many respects, and yet they didn't seem
to like him. He struck them forcibly.
but they didn't appear to appreciate it.
lie would relax with me, however, and
there was complete confidence between
us.
Yesterday I tried to sell him. I led
him out into the yard, and patted him,
to show how kind he was. Then I
walked around behind him, and slapped
him. l must have touched the spring
which controls his hind feet. I do not
know how else it could have happened.
Almost simultaneously ny mind was a
complete blank, save for a brilliant as
sortment OF stars, Roman-candles, pin
wheels, and intellectual sky-rockets.
When l recovered, 1 had broken a large.
irregular hole through the side of the
stone root cellar, and was firmly i'm
bedded in the damp, dank earth. Finally
my relatives came and spaded me out.
That IS why you see me here, investing
my hard-earned savings IN a~rnica,Iand
court-plaster, and vaseline,s and other
soothing preparations.
mo; you cannot trust the mule" he
concluded, sadly. "The mule has a dis
position which nan cannot fathom. IF
you will Jake my advice, you will shun
the mule altogether, unless death has
come, and wrapped a halo about his
hind legs"
Then he walked painfully, off, and
swore gently beneath his breath.
The SPECTATOR.