The record-union., 1895-02-25
ONE LONE MAN
Tells How He Passed Day In Ft
male Wisdom Incubator.


male Wisdom Incubator.
a man about town gives the following
experience OF trip to seminary:
There are pages in all lives that have
been turned down, and every such page
contains an experience. From a very
| live cause l once paid a visit to a school
for girls. l do not intend to tell where
| the school is situated, as it would be
worth my life to do so; but to the expert
| ence.
81 was met at the depot by the driver
of transfer wagon, who scornfullv
! turned up his nose at me when he found
| was without the usual Saratoga, and by
numb Der of other people who evidently
were not expecting me. Then the cause
OF my visit tucked me under her arm and
marched me out Of town, up hill and
! into the folding doors of the female wis
| dom incubator, and there / was. verita-
! BILE Daniel
| Il was soon seated opposite the cause
Of the trouble doing my best to appear
at my ease. Then a timid little rap upon
! the door would be followed by an eager,
eXpectant, shining face, the eyes OF
| which would turtively wander over me,
| while the voice looked inLently at my
companion. / began TO feel uncomfort-
able, and lOuged for the arrival Of the
| dinner hour, when the entire school
! might have chance to satisfy its curios-
/ lty and nave square look at me.
The dinner hour arrived at length and
was initiated into all the mystery and
/ misery OF young ladies' school dinner,
which consisted chiefly Of corned beef
! and cabbage. 1t soon dawned upon nv
! ODtuse senses that | was expected to say
something, and the knowledge brought
| eXcruciating agony and big beads OF per-
/ spiratIon. / however staggered to my
feet and said my say something after the
| following fashion:
Ny dear young ladies: | hope I see
/ you well Il was not certain about seeing
/ anything, and am pleased to shake you
! by the hands, putting both mine into my
! pockets. 1 would advise you TO be very
good (glancinG up at the ceiling), other
! wise your preceptress may send you to
/ bed and tomorrow your eyes may be
red from crying Somehow that did not
| seem to be Just the thing TO say, so [ tl0un-
/ dered on: You should be very kind to
/ each other, and not pull OUT more hair
| than you can use-lSomebody Uttered
ana growing very red in the face l went
/ Onj-nOr-nor appropriate all the bed
! clothes at night unless it is very cold
"A stony silence fell around the board
and almost crushed the rest of my re-
/ marks, but recovering by tremendous
/ effort, proceeded: Always think twice
! before adjusting your differences, as that
/ method will leave no ear-marks upon
I = ,
better than others. Il was fast regaining
! my coutldenCe.) | once knew u man
| taking my hands out of my pockets and
upsetung pickle CASTOR who loved ali
women the same. 1t proved fatal, and
! to-day he Is 4 gospel minister
/ My speech was over, and [ had sense
/ enough left to know II, so wound up with:
! AS the great Napoleon once said, Let
! those who love me follow me."'
Il took my seat, and. from the number
who followed my example, fiaCtered my
self that | was universally loved
Then there were Bible questions
asked and answered, and the one | asked
1 related TO Balaam. No one could an
swer it, and SO far as l know it is still
/ unSOlved.
After dinner | was ushered into a
ballroom, where was jostled and talked
10. and looked at, and smiled at, and
plnched and squeezed, and tripped up,
ana was obliged to wear a smile through
it all.
Later on was inveigled into game
OF cards with number Of the inmates.
The game was called high five,' but as it
was rather familiar to me | called il
draw pedrO-atter | got home.
In return Tor the martyrdOm suffered
Initiated that school into the mystery of
draw poker, well knowing that my re-
/ ward lay in the future, and no one will
ever be able TO understand what de-
llrious wave OF ecstacy passed over me
when the hand OF my Waterbury pointed
al the incoming train, and I realized that
the strain was relieved. [ am inclined TO
believe that trip worked evil, as l am
! still a bachelor"