davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-08-11

II the human heart be consid rcd as a
pump. 10 can DE shown tnat lt u9fS -
foot tons of work in twenty-four hours,
the work spent hy the muscles Ia Dream
ing amounts % about twenty-one foot
tons I'm twonty-fOur hours. II these figures
which are given in contemporary arc
correct "A few interesting though olil'i
wise useless deductions from thsn may
bee made The power Of operating tne
heart is then equivalent 70 SN Walls'
and that OF the lungs 10 o.tn. making "
total of i5J watts. This amount on pow
er would develop a light or iuout wv
candles in an incandes ,ert lamp. A ilian
u.s. therefore continually, day ana nlsi y,
doing am amount Of work necessary ~
keep him alive at rate e4uai TO iilae
in a tWO-caudie-pOwcr incaNntscflll 'i,t
trio lamp. II the luminous Vl''.',.,'iil,ss.,,r,t
better. inefiiciencyy OF the incandesceht
lamp is per cent, this amount OF power
N converted into cold light would rep
resent forty candles, when Wouiu mar
every man, wise or Otherwise n SINUS
light and would supply all the lsHi
necessary for him 10 live without anti
fetal lighting. or. in other words, II 20
had some organ similar 70 that IN the
FREELY he could. by eNertlnS the same
power as Il takes 10 operate MS near
and lungs. surround himsei Win "oo"
As man power is usually rated as about
one-eighth horsepower which Is elya.
10 g33 watts. his efficiency, when iully
loaded considering only the internal
losses would. therefore. be about % per
cent. which is remarkably high, espe-
ciallv when we consider that ne IS sup
nOsed 10 have been designed many thou-
sand wears ago and to have been degen-
Grating ever since. Buy this does not
take into account that both heart ana
lungs will work much harder when he Is
performing external work; the good re-
suit is therefore only apparent anu ~,
real Nevertheless. some men are most
efficient when doing treadmill work As
we do not know the foot-pound equiNal-
ent TO the food which be eats nor the
amo,lnt n rs not possible TO carry these
useless figures any further IL Is OF m
terest however 10 note In this connec-
ton that Prof. ThurstOn considers man
a very efficient machine. by which, we
energy OF food into mechanical power
Electrical RaVleW.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-08-11
" hat is True Wit.

There are many varieties Of wit. my
SOM some OF them the genuine article.
and not "a few OF them base cOuuterfeits.
There is. go the first place. the parono-
masia, or the play upon words. II is first
considered. because IL is the most COM
mon. as well as the easiest Sparingly
INDUCED in and rising spontaneously, or
apparcltly without Fermentation. 10
fOmA-umcs comes very near 90 being
genuine Wit There are times when 10 Is
real. notwithstanding what others may
say 20 the contrary.
For example wnen one says he could
write as well as Shakespeare m he had the
mind and IL is TetOTfcd- so all YOU lack
Is the mind" Again. We have the reply
TO the declaration that punning Is the
lowest form of Wit. and. therefore. tho
foundation OF all Wit In each OF these
cases We have "a play upon words. and
yet who shall say that We do not also
have real wit?
But be who puns upon the slightest
provocation. or without any proVocatlon'
as many do. Is q residential nuisance,
and deserves no better treatment than
TO be sent into solitary confinement and
compelled 20 do nothing but make puns,
with none but himself 10 listen 10 them,
until he dies.
Then there is the real SELL which usu-
ally consists in the telling OF some lie
in order that someone may he tempted
into asking question "hlcn gives op-
pOrtunity 10 spring the sell upon him.
There Is not the slightest approach 10
wit IN the sell. and ones sympath.es
should always 20 out 70 the buyer and
never 10 the dispenser
Then there Is the practical joke. So
called, which lis as much true Wit as
smoke Is fire. or putting empty pipes to-
bacco-smoking. The dominant principle
in this false wit Is 20 make somebody
suffer either I'm mind or in body. and
there never will come the millennium until
AN the practical iokers are I'm their
graves. without possibility Of any new
ones being born.
True wit may be acrimonious, but It
Is best when good-natured and without
malice; and il should come Ike a nasn
Uarmsntad i'm the briefest possible Ian
guage Bright unexpected. terse; there
you have the true formula. boston
Transcript.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-08-11
4 Witty Monk.

James Payn tells OF a monk who. haF
ing 20 preach upon 81. James day.
being implOred not 10 DE so lOng-winl.
as usual, gOOd-naturedlv consented. Fl.
mounted the pulpit and mus address
the congregation. MY brethren. Oh
months ago | preached a eulogy ur
the saint whose festival YOU this e..
celebrate. As I doubt not you were
very attantly. 90 me. and as / have I.
learned that he has done anything in
meantime. ] have nothing 10 add 90 " '
/ said on the former OcclslOu."-f
Francisco ArgonauI
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-08-11

The negro Baptist Sunday School Con-
Ven'ion a. Augusta. Ca. adopted an VIZ
gent and eloquent warning to the ne
groeS of the United States 10 stay away
from Africa and 10 turn a deaf car 20
the allurements OF the colOnizlng onthu-
siastic. Some Of the delegates had cv!-
deLuy teen therc.-New York sun.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-08-11

"Atarv,, said Mrs. Hume 10 her Irish
domestic take this tapc-line and meas
IRE the width Of your room. l am going
TO give you a new carpet
In few moments Mary called. Mrs.
Hume"
'Yes. Mary"
81 can't measure H.
"The tape-llne isn't long enough."-Har-
per's BaZar
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-08-11

be the same sort OF taste that PREFERS
the English oysters TO the AmeriSan ~, IA
rieties And 1t is for this reason snas w.,
general Introduction OF LIE Amsrica ls
oyster here will have to be matter .o OF
missionary enterprise. enligntenmeh, sru
pat.ence.EI,. II. VI. in Baltimore Afhe'-
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-08-11

The very dryest place in the. world
is that part Of Egypt between the TWO
lower falls OF the Me. Rain mas never
travellers saw they are not believed when
they tell the natives that In most parts
OF the world water falls from the clouds.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
ITO BE CONTINUED |


The fascinating middle aged woman
IS not looking for fiattery. Either she
has had enough of it, or she knows
That men beslow it easily on ali women
alike, and she avoids it 20 something
Ungenuine. This middle-aged woman's
lnselfishness is, indeed, adorable"
and the observing you2g woman's
views is distorted when to her it ap-
gears '.sad." The woman CT mature
years is good-natured because she dare
rot be otherwise. She has learned a
lesson that all observing young women
would do well to learn, namely, that a
gentle nature and sweet disposition
are not only among woman's most po-
tent charms, but that they keep the
possessor young and lovable long after
the years count up to that time call
middle age.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16

world had ceased, and IN my dream L
thought we had come to the time when ''the
ransomed of the Lord shall return AMI come
to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon
their heads, and sorrow and signing shall
lee away"
Halt here at what you have never seen be-
fore, depopulated city, the city OF Amber,
India.
The strange fact is that a ruler aban loned
his palaces at Amber and moved to Jaipur,
and all the inhabitants OF the city followed.
Except mere ana rnere . house in Amber
occupied by hermit, the city Is as silent
a population as Pompeii OF Hercu!aneun,
but those cities were emptied by volcanic
disaster, while this city OF Amber was va
Gated because Prince Joy Singh WIS told by
habited more than 1000 years, and so the
ruler ITO years ago moved out himself,
and all his people moved with him.
You visit Amber on the back OF an eie-
phant. Permission obtained for your visit
the day before at Jaipur, an elephant fJ in
waiting for you about six miles out to take
you up the sleeps to Amber. You pass
through the awfully quiet streets. all ths
feet that trod them in the days of their ac;v-
ity having gone on the long journey and the
voices OF business and gayety that sounded
amid these abotes having long ago uttere |
their last syllable. You pass by a lake COW
ering 500 acres. where the rajahs used to
sail in their pleasure boats, but a!ligators
now have full possession, AMI you come to
the abandoned palace, wlich is an
enchantment. No more picturesque
place was ever chosen for the resi-
dence OF monarch. The fortress
above looks down upon this palace. and the
palace looks down upon a lake. This
monarchial abode may have had attractions
when it was the home of royalty which have
vanished, but antiquity and the silence OF
many years and opportunity to tread where
once you would not have been PERMITTED 20
tread may be an ad iition quite equal TO the
subtraction.
But what solemn AMI s.upan!ous thing
S an abandoned city! While many o. the
peoples of earth havs no root for their head,
mere is a whole city of roofs rrjactei. The
1ani OF the desert was susficien, excuse for
he disappearance OF Heliopois. and the
vasers of the Mediterranean Sea for the en- :
-.-. vt Tyre. and the lava OF Mount
Vesuvius for the ooiteration OF Hercu-
laneum. but for the sake OF nothing but n
superstitious whim the city OF Amber is
abandoned forever. Oh, wondrous India !!
The city of Amber is only one OF the marve!s
which compel the uplif, ed han OF surprise
from the dav you enter India until you
leave it. Its fora Is so fiamboyant, its fauna
so monstrous and savage, its ruins SO sug.
gestfve, its tdolatry SO horrible, its degrada-
tion so sickening, its mineralogy SO brilliant,
its splendors so uplifting, its architecture SC
old, SO grand, SO educational, SO multi
potent. that India will not be fully compre-
hended until science has made its last ex-
pertinent, and exploration has ended its last
journey, and the library of the worlds liter
ature has closed its last door, and Christian
ity has made its last achevem snt, and the
clock OF time has struck its last hour.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
An Eccentric Hen.

A certain party near Forest Green
has hen that is most eccentric of all
female fowls of which we have ever
heard. Said hen commenced laying in
the family buggy, and the first time
her peculiar actions were noticed wa;
when Don drove home one evening;
the hen ran out to meet him before he
stopped and layed an egg before he
could get the harness from the horses.
Upon two different occasions she re-
NAMED on the nest in the back of the
buggy when it was in use, once to
Salisbury and once to Forest Green,
both times getting back safely. These
facts cen be vouched for by people
whose veracity is never questioned. -
Salisbury (Mo.) Press-Spectator.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16

Tommy lot the Fair)-'sMamma,
what makes all the guards wear strap.
under their chins?' Mamma (tired
QUIT think it is to keep them from
asking questions. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
He-"What kind of story did tha.
tramp trump up to get his breakfast 2"
She-''None at all. He said he'd seen
good many babies, but our Tedd.
was ahead of them all. "-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Teacher - Snow, Tommy, if you
we're man and had $4,000, and you
wanted to buy house worth $40, 900,
what would you do?" Tommy-'J
guess I'd try and marry some womay
with $4,000. Texas Siftings.
Drill Sergeant Ito recruit) -'I've
told You forty times that you must
stand up as straight as if you had swal-
lowed ramrod. Instead of that YOU
appear to have swallowed half dozen
Turkish scimitars. Texas Siftings.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
Lake Beds UnI suaiiy Full.

Not in six years have the lake beds
,f South Dakota been SO full of water
rs at present. According to reports,
;he old lake beds that have been dry
or years are once more brimful, and
water fowl have been quite abundant
Ill season. To those familiar with
south Dakota, the filling of the lake
beds means great deal. 1t means not
only crop this season, but for sew
.ral years to come. So long as South
Dakota can keep her numerous lakes
illed with water, she may well defy the
world as grain-producing State. Th
sudden return of ducks and geese after
desertion of seven years is not lit
lie remarkable City Tribune
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16

GoD AN forgive sin, but He Won
'leSs .aZinesS.
IT doesn't make :io any winter te
,all it a mistake.
EVERY lie is the assassin Of some
'ody's happiness.
The thing that really damns men is
heir love for sin.
The right kind of faith prefers Gods
will to its own will.
THERE is no use in talking any
higher than we live.
AN hour spent in bad company is a
'ong step toward the pit.
You can disappoint the devil in one
way by keeping out Of debt.
TRUE faith never hesitates abou,
topping where God directs.
If some of us would praise God more
we would blame our neighbors less.
THE only thing about some churches
hat points to Heaven is the steeple.
LIVE at peace with all men, and you
will have the devils war all you life.
A HYPoCRITE only wears his mask
While he thinks he is being watched.
If there were no fools in the world
The lawyers would all be out of work
THE real duty is neglected when we
step over one duty to perform another.
To HAVE to hoe the same row over
Every day soon takes the poetry out OF
ife.
TRYING to obtain happiness simply
20 have it, is nothing more than selfish.
less.
WHENEVER God enters upon work
If creation, the first thing He makes is
light.
THE devil wins many a battle by
getting Gods troops to fire into each
,ther.
HEAVEN is to be given to those who
ire trying to make Heaven of this
0rth.
THE man who swears has something
u his heart that the devil wants to stay
here.
IF you say "Good morning" to the
ievil he will offer you his arm to take
! walk.
DON'T think about the storm being
lack. Remember that God gave the
,ainbOw.
As LONG as we look at men to find
,ut what God is doing, we shall be dis
appointed.
The man who breaks the COLDER.
nle does not keep any of the COM
uandments.
The devil has both hands on the
nan who will not follow his honest
'onvictions.
THERE is no work so humble that
.aithfulness in it will not be noticed
md rewarded.
The poorest people in the world are
hose who are trying the hardest to
,eep all they get.
The people who weigh the most il
he church for God do not always sit in
he "amen corner"
THE devil never gets a chance to
est in the neighborhood of the man
whom God pronounces perfect.
The devil lays down his gun when.
.ver he hears preacher begin to
lpologize for preaching the truth.
The right kind Of prayer for the
the conversion of sinners, does all it
IAN to get to them with the gospel.
If the devil can pursuade you to take
me step, he will make it an unanswcr-
able argument as to why you should
AXE another.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
VIII the American Girl sknobn.

1t will not be long in all probable
.Gy before the American girl will &C
skilobning. This has a pcrtentiou:
sound, but merely refers TO the wiz
ter sport OF Scandinavia. 1t consist:
IN scudding over the snow ana Ice
after being shod with the skcc, a
long wooden sDowshoe. Austrian
ladies' of fashion are devoted to the
pew sport, and it will get to New
York sooner or later.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
A Vulgar Fellow.

Cholly-I am going to cut that
iel!ah Hardhead; he's to vulgah. He
smokes pipe. Miss Pinkie-l have
beard that that is the height of style.
It's English. you know. Cholly-
Ia-as; but Hardhead says he doesn't
smoke a ' ipe because it's English, but
because it's cheap,-Puck.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
NO. s..

. II is these oozes that delight the cable
layer. They form soft beds in which
the heavy wire buries itself SO deeply
as to be beyond harm from monsters
who haunt the bottom OF the. sea-
New York Advertiser.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16

Burglar-Your money or your life
tnyentor-I have nothing in Lhe
world but my great invention wn;ch
Just completed today. Take that.
Burglar (retirlng I don't want H.
Pm out for der dust noL trouble -
D,,cL
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
SOME things are called swee.,whic.

SoME things are called swees,which
:annot be tasted
In 1870 handkerchief cost sixty six
cents in Massachusetts. while pair
of stockings cost seventy-five cents.
and potatoes were thirty cents
bushel.
1T lie believed BY microscopists
that the highest powers of their lnstru.
ments have not yet received the most
minute forms OF animal life.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16

IVY is as deao-
ly as the small
pox.
A KICKING cow
often gives good
milk.
THERE is no
more foolish fool
is h ness than
worry.
THE bread God
gives is always
fresh and sweet.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
Fargo Odds.

Mr. HahasE-Do yoa cou:.de. rIss.
:iage a failure? Mrs. Laxcfrout-
Not altogether. My experience has
oeen about three bulrs-cycs in Eve
Town Topics
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16
TRUMPET CALLS.

Cams Horn Sounds . Warea1E Ncte to
the Cnredeemed.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-01-16

for complaint the doctors can't cure.
old age.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1895-12-31
Annual NJ Getting.

THE ANNUAL MEETING OF THE
Hawaiian Sugar Company will be held on
December 81, 1895, at 10 n. m.
at the Office of VIM. q. Irwin Il Co., Ltd.
W. L. HOPPER.
Secretary.
4lS5-3t
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1895-12-31

tins OF opium found in his pockets
He admitted getting the dope of
the Picking.
The Miowera Will bring several
Honolulu people, among the num-
beI being John Carter and sister,
Miss Florence. Mr.. Carter Is cash
Ter OF a bank in Seattle. Wash. He
has been away from the islands for
ten years.
Remember kerr's New England
piano viii be given away this
evening. If you want 10 have q
chance TO secure II make your pur-
chases today. \ committee of
newspaper men viii count the
seeds in the pumpkin tonight.
The Philadelphia Is now at San
Francisco. Her future movements
are uncertain. She may be pre-
vented from coming TO Honolulu
10 relieve the Bennington. on ac-
count OF the war talk prevalent
when the last mail steamer left the
Coast.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1895-12-31
y Gets Silk Dress.

The management OF B. +. Ehier$
yesterday opened the sealed en-
velope containing the number OF
the coupon that entities the holder
TO a silk dress made up in any
style. which had been locked up in
the safe of the Hawaiian Gazette
Company.
The number Is p, and whoever
secured the coupon bearing the
same are entitled TO the dress, and
are requested TO call at Ehlers' and
select the goods.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1895-12-31
SPECIAL OFFER IOaOSE

Choice line Of Organdies, s. TO Sl2 COM
plete; choice line of French Organizes, SD
complete.
We shall continue to offer you your
choice of cloth suitings M de TO order for
SIS. $40 and SIS comple'e.
Linen Duck suits to order SIS.
Linen Duck Skirts To order IS.
Cotton Duck Skirts TO order 50.
Cotton Duck Suits TO o der SO.
III you wish 10 take advantage of this
opportunity to obtain a suit of cloth,
organdie or duck cheap, good workman
ship, fit and faultIess style guaranteed,
place you- orders early as this offer viii
positively not be extended hevond the
specified time. b. +. EdLERS & co.
4lS6-lm
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1895-12-31
What You Will Get for Your
81 Beside a Bicycle.

This is not bait. We simply wish to
be up to date and We'll give you the wheel,
and beside the wheel you will get the full
value of your dollar in merchandise.
The coupons are now ready and will be
given out with each dollars worth of goods
sold.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1895-09-14
A South Sea Island Bride.

DR.. John 6. Patton, missionary to the
south sea islands, describes the dress of a
native bride on her first appearance at
church after the ceremony. Perhaps those
who "follow the fashions" will like to
make note of the various garments for
future reference, though hardly for imi-
tation.
fer bridal gown was a mans drab col
ored greatcoat, put on above her native
grass skirts and sweeping down to her
heels, buttoned tight Over this she had
hung on vest, and above that again, most
amazing of all, she had donned pair of
mems trousers, drawing the body over her
head and leaving leg dangling gracefully
over each of her shoulders and streaming
down her back.
Fastened to one shoulder was a red
Shirt and to the other a striped one, way
ing about her like wings, as she sailed
along. About her head red shirt had
been twisted like a turban and her notions
of art demanded that sleeve thereof
should hang aloft over each of her ears.
She seemed to be moving monster,
loaded with mass of rags. The day was
exceedingly hot and perspiration poured
over her face In streams. Her husband
looked at me and then at her, as if to say,
"You never saw, in all your white world,
bride so grandly dressed