The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-10-27
HUMOROUS NOTICES.
Newspapers Take the Palm by Print
ing Curious BIunders.
From the Hartford Times.

from the f1dIlIOTu Times.
We are all more or less acquainted with
the curious plumbers which ministers
sometimes make in their announcements
from the pulpit. Only the other day we
heard a clergyman seriously announce
that a certain service would be held the
following Sunday morning after the even
ing service. Considering the number and
variety of their notices, however, some al
| lowance should be made for an occasional
mistake.
our sympathies, though can hardly be
extended to merchant who scatters a
hanLJili for and WiQe, announcing clear
ance sale and offering to reduce the price
of one article from 20 cents to rs cents. -
The object generally is to effect a draw
but If this were the special line, ii would
hardly cause a pressure of business.
Sometimes the position of notice gives
it a humorous significance. Such a remark
may apply to the announcement respect
ing an agricultural show, which had been
placed in an omnibus and, having been
mutilated, left the statement: "All ami
mails in this show are fed on - Food. q"
One can excuse a smile passing round as
the occupants of the bus took in the situa-
ton.
Another notice with a touch of humor
in it was the one which an eccentric old
gentleman in Scotland once placed In his
garden. He had been much annoyed by
nocturnal depredators breaking down his
fences in order to relieve him of his fruit
and vegetables, and thought that proba-
bly, the polite notice, "All thieves are in
future to enter by the gate, which will
be left open every night for that purpose
would have the effect of reducing the
damage TO his property, if it did not stop
the purloining of his garden produce.
Newspapers undoubtedly take the palm
in the matter of curious and amusing no
tees, and some very good specimens oc-
casionally come from the other side Of
the Atlantic. An English paper sang the
praises of lock in a rather questionable
manner, for its readers were told that
the lock had been in use nearly eight
years, and, although frequently tried, had
never yet been opened" This is hardly
the qualification that would commend the
lock to people in want of such an article
Another paper had also the following
curious notice in its obituary columns:
MIR. William Dabbs of Malta township
aged 50, passed peacefully away, on Tues
day last, from single blessedness to mat
rimonial bliss, after a short but sudden
attack by Alice Blossom, a blooming wild
ow of 80" Was it by accident or design
that so charming a wedding notice found
its way into the obituary column? Nearer
home, however, newspaper had the au-
dacity TO assert that the bride was given
away by the bridegroom In its descrip-
ton of the marriage ceremony. Was he
so soon tired of her. or was he a par
ticularly generous man, or-was it true?
These Instances deal with the ceremony.
but the next was an announcement made
by a bellman, and shows that, in some
cases. marriage is a failure: -. J. wishes
to inform the public that he will not be
answerabe for any debt or debts his wife,
Marianne J., may contract after this pub
lie notice." Almost Immediately the bell
man was again sent round with the follow
ing rejoiner: IN. J. begs to inform the
public she never has nor does ever intend
to contract any debts on her husbands
credit, well knowing it stands on too slen-
der foundation"
Another notice, expected to exercise a
good influence, was one placed in field,
which informed all and sundry that ANY
boy or person found trespassing will be
prosecuted The obvious reading is that
a boy is not a person; but perhaps boys
had proved themselves the worst often
ders, so that the individual responsible
thought it desirable to single them out for
special mention.