Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-05-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Although money talks, woman can
meet it halfway and get in the last
word Puck.
A new broom may sweet clean, but
a new towel does not wipe clean. -
Atchison Globe.
You will not find one spring poet in
fifty who does not need liver medicine.
Galveston News.
'That Bagley is chump." "Why
so?" "He paid me ten he owed me,
right before my tailor. Life.
A piece of limburger cheese is like
tack in one respect-yourc can always
find it in the dark. Texas Siftings.
'sThe whole world loves lover
Then ] really do not see
Why my suit didn't prosper
She was all the world to me-
It is dangerous business for men
and women to lie to each other until
they are married. - Detroit Free
Press.
A woman should have learning; but
she should convert her learning into
wisdom, that she may know how to
conceal it.-Puck.
The blindest kind OF love
That ever did exist.
is the unweening kind
That marks the egotist.
Puck.
Mrs. Nuwed-"Our landlord thinks
of nothing but the rent" Nuwed-
"'You wrong him, my dear. I'm sure
he never thinks of the rent in the
roof. Judge.
The proprietors of West Philadel-
phia sale-stable have this sign outside
their establishment '1f you are
looking for mules don't forget us. -
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Watts--"So it was in the Chi
cago wheat market that you lost your
all2" Everett Wrest--"Yes, mum,
oil save me honor land an elegant
thirst. indianapolis Journal.
A maiden lady in Newburg keeps n
parrot which swears and monkey
which chews tobacco. She says be-
tween the two she doesn't miss nus
band very much -Atchison Globe.
She-"How old would you say
was?" He --"Um- well, I should say
YOU were old enough to know better
than to think would answer ques'
tion like that Detroit Free Press.
Burglar Bill-"Wot's become o
slickfinger's sister, Sneeky Sam
"Servin' time fer follerin' fashion
able fad" Burglar Blll-"Wot fad?"
Sneeky SAM -"Kleptermanier. New
York Weekly.
"Who is that gentleman engaged in
conversation with Mrs. Sobright?" 81
don't know him; but he must be ono
of the most distinguished men in the
country" "What makes you think
so?" ellis portrait has never ap-
peared in the newspapers. Norris
town Herald.
Chinese Emperor-"Why did you
lose that battleY' General Wun Run
-"The Japanese attacked us in the
rear" Chinese Emperor was in
formed that they attacked you in
'front.'" General Wun Run-"Y-e-s;
but that was our rear when they got
there. New York Weekly.
"Have you been able to catch the
speakers eyer" asked the first lady
legislator. s'Have II" rejoined the
second legislator. "Well, rather. l
wore my navy blue bengaline with the
heilotrope sleeves, and the speaker
couldn't keep his eyes off me-" Upon
the call of the house they separated.
Detroit Tribune.
"Hypnotism," said the professor.
''in our present state Of knowledge,
may be defined as the power exerted
by one person over the mind of an-
other" "Why," giggled the fluffy
girl, "that is just tho same rs falling in
love" II said mind, my dear young
lady," retorted tho professor. Gin
cinnati Tribune.
Sympathetic Old Lady---"Will you
please tell me if the lady is in who
writes the Mothers Column iu your
paper every week? / want to tell her
how much pleasure 1 had in perusing
her articles on The Baby in the
Cradle" Office Boy yonder,
ma'am. That's him who is standing
there with pink shirt on and smoking
his pipe. LILA Semana Comica.
N