The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-05-16
MoNoLoouE OF A MoNoPoLIsT:

Let us corner up the sunbeams.
Lying all around our path;
Get trust on wheat and roses.
| Give the poor the thorns and chaff;
| Let us find our chiefest pleasure
Hoarding bounties of the day.
| So the poor will have scant measure,
And two prices have to pay.
Yes, Wen reservoir the rivers,
And Wen levy on the lakes,
And Wen lay a trifiing poll tax
On each poor man that partakes;
Wen brand his number on him.
That he'll carry through his life,
Wen apprentice all his children,
Get II mortgage on his wife.
We will capture cen the wind god,
And confne him in n cave,
Then through our patent process.
We the atmosphere viii save;
Thus Wen squeeze our little brother
When he tries his lungs to fill,
Put n meter on his windpipe,
And present our little bill.
We will syndicate the starlight
And monopolize the moon.
Claim a royalty on rest days,
A proprietary noon,
For right of way through oceans spray
we II CnaTSe just WHitt Is WoItH'
Wen drive our stakes around the lakes
In fact, Wen own the earth.
Buffalo Evening News
-
Some prosac Individual with penchant
for mathematics has been doing some In
terestng figuring in relation to ball room
exercise, with this result: An average
waltz, he finds, takes n dancer over about
three-quarters of a mile. A square dance
makes him cover half u mile. girl with
II well filled programme travels thus In an
evening: Twelve waltZes, nine miles;
four other dances, at half-mile apiece,
which is hardly a fairly big estimate, two
miles more; the ntermission stroll and the
trips to the dressing-room to renovate her
gown and complexion, half a mile; grand
total, eleven and Il half miles.
80
IN THE CLOUDS:
"Bourienne," said Napoleon, 1T stili
seem to be interesting to the mortals?"
"You are, sire, you are returned his
faithful secretary.
"Will 1t last, Bourlenne?'
"Oh, l think so-six months anyhow.
You'll have to take a back seat then, un-
less" Qere the secretary pauseD.
"Unless what?'
"Unless yen should marry Trilby. I
think the union of the two fads would keep
the interest up for quite a while. Life.
"a"
INCONSISTENT:
Men are such inconsistent creatures"
sighed Mrs. Witterby. 1T was only the
other day they were enthusiastic about
smashing the machine at the polls, and
now l see that they are going to vote by
machinery. What won't they do next?'--
Brooklyn Life.
DISGRACED THE TOWN:
Eastern Mainland how did my friend
Jones do in Kentucky?''
Kentucky Visitor-"Oh, he disgraced our
town"
"How?"
Died of malaria. Life.
*.$
RETRIBUTION:
The girl who lives next door to me is
young and persevering,
She practices from n. m. till breakfast
time each day;
She plays the same, old, worn-out tunes
until I'm tired of hearing,
And makes the same mistakes each time,
in the same unerring way.
She's added to her powers, of late, by cap |
turing a lover,
A tenor fiat, who comes each night at
eight o'clock or SO.
They sing duets and popular airs, over and |
again and over,
And often it is twelve o'clock before he |
starts to go.
The other neighbors rage and swear; I |
dare not join their scornings.
My youthful sins have found me out; I |
suffer, and am mute:
For, in my early manhood, in spite of tears |
and warnings,
I used to spend my evenings in practic-
ing the flute! Life.
80
WORDS OF WISDOM:
Those things which engage us merely by
their novelty cannot abstract us for any
length of time.-Pierre, Lott.
Let the one you would welcome to your
hospitality be the one you would welcome
10 your respect and esteem, If not to your
personal friendship.-H. Bushnell