Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-04-10
Sirgiuia 5ree grsss.
humorous

Some men go to extremes-but very many
pursue a mean curse.
At first success makes a name; afterwards
the name makes success.
The man who leads the procession does
not always head the list.
No resolution IS considered good by some
people unless it will stretch.
1t does no. increase the social standing Of
a donkey TO add horseshOes to his apparel
fla fool and his money are easily parted,
will somebody tell u how it is there are so
many rich fools?
Your three daughters are married did
they marry happily % Two are married
happily and one is divorced happily"
Mrs. Silup-Why, you are home quite
early, for a change. Mr.. Situp-Yes, my
throat's swollen so | can't swallow anything.
He-But you say yourself your stePialh-
er is anxious to get you off his hands. She
That's why | am afraid he won't listen to
you.
He-I saw several persons take off their
hats in the theater this evening. She-Oi
the genller sex? He--Yes. They were
men.
"Yes; he told nae | was beautiful. What
do you think of that ?" "My dear you can
never believe what men say they are all
deceivers."
"what is CholIy Frivvles doing now ?"
asked one girl. Looking for work." re.
piled the other. Poor fellow He's so
near sighiedp
McSwattcrs-Is that boy OF ours smoking
those coniounded cigarettes? His Wife
No, he's only warming his feet 10y the stove
with his rubbers on.
81 shall expect you" said the Justice to
the colored culprit, 80 tell the whole truth
de whole truth, sub ~ "Yes." "Jedgc,
jes' gimme six monthsl"
Miss Pert-Is Miss strait Lace circum
spect? Miss Caustic -%Circumspeci! Why,
she won't accompany Il young man Oh the
piano without a chaperou.
81 heah they was a good deal OBJ cutiin'
up at go last dance, Miss Cindy.' "Dey
wazzu', nufin ob de sorl! Al de ladies an
genmeu lei dey razzers in De cloak room >
The United States has more kinds OF peo-
pie than any nation on earth aud more kinds
Of money. iu hc,i has all kinds Of money,
and one kind is jus, as hard 20 get a. auoth-
err.
She-l wonds, whether Cinnamon ever
use intoxicants TO excess. He-rhc var
has demonstrated ihst they don't You
don hear OF ,heir doing anything nut Ia
king water.
81 see that they ae again eeitatiug the
adoption Of ucH iu e. Tor football YES,
| hear that ore proposed j., not TO allow The
game to stop morc han five minutes unless
it be fatal"
He-Mrs. Sweiitop certainly is IL bcauli-
ful woman, She carries all before her
She C-pitefully)-Forc Of habit, | suppose.
/ hear she was a waitress before Swelltop
married her.
"Did anybody iusinuate that | sold my
selr?1 inquired the New York policeman.
81 didn't hear that replied his friend
''All that came to my ears was that you gave
yourself away
Wile-The doctor tells me that he thinks
you have the enlargement Of the heart.-
Husband-I thought he must have imagined
l had something OF the sort by the size OF
the bill he sent 10.
Passer-What's goins on in that hail.
PoIiceman-Well, there's a lot Of long hair
ed men and short haired women there, but
| don't know whether its a suffrage associa-
ton or an athletic club.
81 saw in a society paper that advanced
women have practically banished puuctua-
ton points from their letter writiug."-
"Perhars they do not wish 20 be known as
women of the period"
"Is that Mis-, Fiirter? This is Mr.. SoPht-
". You danced ten times with Mr. Mashe-
ley last night, 50 you may consider our en-.
gagement broken" Telephone Girl lin
central olice)-Ring of, please.
She-Do you remember that you said you
would DO anything | asked When | promised
to marry you? He-Yes but | didn't know
then how much spare time a woman had to
think up things to ask for.