Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-07-14
FAIR, YELLOW MOON"
SAD muRMuRINGs OF THE TDLER'
One Cannot Say "There Are NO
Flies on Him." for They Love '
Manly Face-Dimculties Incident to
Packing Trunks.

VIII some kind citizen who KNOWS IL III
don't everybody answer at once)' p'ease
tell me why 1t is that when we SIT III '''
moonlight and see the sky flooded win yer
low radiance until the heavens look as
though they have the jaundce. we beglh
70 get sentimental and to feel fan'as'ie
thoughts popping up In our minus 70
course we all know the old theories aoou'
Iunat,cs. and sometimes. by gosh' az
most believe they are true. what couiu
he sweeter or more romantic tnan u h''
zontalize your perpendicularity on sumo
cool. green bed of wild onions ana WIRE
erass and watch the queen or the hish'
az sbe digs her way through inky maZes
like a gold dollar sliding through ho''
in your pants pocket? 1t Is sweet say.
sweet for the doctors who reap the iru''s
y, vour onion-born malaria. ana sweet
likewise for the man getting grass s1ai.'
~, o,otbas There Is something IN
sn,,inp about that grand old hunk OF
cheese nc she skips-skippers and cheese
always 90 together-through the elouuS
and silently ploughs onward mo spaSs.
Her influences are benign, ana she u snS
mother of many a noble resolution Wnlch
g. smashed into smithereens next day
when struck by the SUM- On Moohi
Moon, how often have you kissed my
vhisker-bristlng face with your yeilo"
beams and thrilled me with AMBITIOUS
thoughts and confidence? How often MS
,our still voice. eloquent In It's goldeh
ciIence. said unto me: arise; take up thy
walking stick and hustle; run FOR the bss
islature; you can beat John harwVou.
And have arisen, taken UP my "hinins
stick and hustled, and on the next Jay,
i'm the unsentimental sunshine nay.
found that nothing could overcome JONI
Harwoods pulp in Clay ward. but
alas, and alack O Moon, with yellow
light hanging down your back, you are
fallacIous creature and j do not Woiiler
they sneak of YOU In the feminine sehucI'
for surely YOU are possessed OF enough
deceit.
Those are the moon-struck sensations
we experience when alone Now iot
those when we are In the company VI
some one else-say something flufiy-
boaded with blue eyes, a pretty waist
mean the article OF dress), and White
duck shirt. First thing You know you
find Yourself shufflng to her END OF the
bench. and gradually, as the candle-poWer
of the lunar orb begins TO increase you
discover Yourself exercising concurrent
jurisdiction with her over the same SIX
inches Of bench. Then you nave your
hands full-metaphorically speakiny-and
beautiful thoughts, such as you dldn
know YOU were capable OF, emanate from
YOUR brain, and you quote rev hiies
of poetry. All the time you are uoIhS
this YOU realize how you would nate lor
the boys down at the store TO oVeThedr
your mushy nothings, but somehow YOU
can't check them. It's the ihooh- .,.
strange seductiveness in the moon that
nuts something like wheels into your
head and sets them all a-going at once
On the next day. when you realize you
are engaged TO two girls at once, you
annreciate the meaning OF the word moon
struck. and you write 20 Maud that IL
vas all a mistake: that you nave prom
ised your mother never 10 ~.
Maud. mean while. has written a similar
letter TO you, and so you get Out Oh H.
shiyering at the thought OF preach-ol,
promise suit. You think you We ie"'H,.
a lesson that will last you forever. IL
lasts YOU until the next moon.
7, the last few days I have been the
recinient of many fattering attentions
from the flies In our household. Never
have 7 been SO fully impressed with my
own sweetness as I have since tlese
pauzy-winged critters have taken a hhlhs
"a me They are gradually carrying me
away on the instalment plan. They can
get enough of me. Whole generations
of them hold camp-meetings on my head
when I study. and, not satshed WIN
their own happiness, they rejoice III
Reckoning others to come and partake OF
20 my ne ".
Nolens yolens. I've been constituted a
sort of movable restaurant, and meals
are served on my face at all hours.
breakfast Is laid at sunrise, just as
neeu out of silken coverlets TO squint AT
the 99-cent clock on my mantei' ana u
COO at the fact that ] still have a rev
hours to slumber: a light lunch Is served
on the European plan about ,. ana
gorgeous dinner follows at noon. Supper
takes place about 3. and at all other times
of the day I'm on tap like beer-keg
The table-d'hote system Is also mucn IN
vogue among some of the more seiect
circles of these winged varmints, who ho'd
little seances on that organ OF mine, Win
which / perceive the presence OF onions.
Surely, the roof-garden Of the Jefferson
will never be more popular than this sad,
sweet face has been in the last week.
and certainly II will never have more
patronage. According TO that dear little
maxim, that we are never so happy as
when we are loved, i ought 10 be bub-
bling and frothing over with beatitude.
The affection I've gotten in the last few
DAYS is the kind that reduces ones weight,
yet makes him always feel that he Is not
forgotten.
Flies may have bad aualitles-as we all
have-but to my mind they show cheer
fulness Of disposition and a degree OF
energy worthy of imitation. They are
early risers. and at daypreaK. after they
have slept upside down all night on my
ceiling. they come forth full OF gayety and
cheerfulness to pay their respects 10 vul-
nerable portions of my anatomy which
may perchance be sticking oIt from meath
the crazy-quilt. All day long, no matter
how hot the weather may be, they find
some spot about me wherein TO wipe their
feet. Everything / do interests them.
Since I've been reading that legal with
cisrn known as "Shelley's Case they've
become absolutely fascinated and never
for moment have they deserted me in
this affiiction. In fact, they've held two
a. tn,