Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-12-11

9lrgluia FREE gress.
Humorous.


SO do |, especial tie g..
F,irnd-Your son, I understand, has lit.
erary aspirations. Dnes he write for money
Father (feelinglyl-Unceasingly
Muggins-Lets stop in here and have
some beer and frogs legs. Buggins-No,
thanks my doctor has warned me against
hops.
In the Sleeping Car.-The swell-Here,
you sir You're using my toothbrush. The
Yokel- Scuse me, thought it belonged to
the car.
Mr.. Crimsonbeak- Here, waiter; found
some feathers in my f'ankfurter Wai err
Yo., sir; guess it was made out Of a b I'd
dog, sir.
"Yes, .ab, by CAD, sab" said the Co'onel,
"the radical, did us, sab; but you may no
tice that we are not taking water to any ex'
tent, sahl'
Nistress-A csler2 Is it lady or gen
tleman? Servant don't know, Mum; it
ha, he 70 ce of lady an the clio hes OF a
gentleman,
"The geography tells us how the earth is
divided, tut it doe,n'tIell u why so many
?. ople want it al j." said the Manayunk
Philosopher.
sacqe-There goes Miss Smith on her
wheel Cutaway-I don her from Adam
Sacqe-You mean from Eve. Culaway-I
mean from Aiam.-
He waxing seri u DO you believe in
the truth of the saying, "NlHn proposes {;
God disposes?' She (Drcblyl-It depends
upon whom man proposes to.
GLOW dare you lis M, sir?" she de-
mandrd He laughed a hash, g,a ing
laugh oh don't believe in the germ
cory" he reioinei ca'el ssly.
Il / ought you had a COED girl, Mrs.
Bloom" had" ~ hat be anne Of herr
Il told her to Ct up ear y and dust -
"'Nell ?' = egot up an aus ed"
Yeast, the political cry in New York
this season, Don't give up the ship
Crimsonbeak Well, believe the G maus
have modified it some Their shout i,
Don't give up the schooner"
At the Hor.- SHOW Prince Questrocks-
Have Y seen the clyde-dal's and perrhe-
rom, Mrs Gold n? MIS- Golden IF Chica
so)-The Clldesdal's and Percherons? ]
don't know them. Do they belong to our
st?
Dr. Pillem- Did you admin rih- opiate
at 9o'clock as dre,ted2 Mrs Camp ith
a sniff That did, bur it em d pity to
have to wake the poor man cut Of the
frs sound sleep he's had ia four days 10
. We it To him
Cd Gent eman putting f " que-tionS)
Nov, b ys-ah-can yea tell me what
commard mtut Adam broke when he took
tn forbidden fruit SmalI Scholar like
hotl-Pleasc, sir, tn warnt no command
meut then
Won don't seem To .uccccd in business
said friend ola nan who had made his
fourth assignment. "D"n't, eh? Hay Mt
made z success Of my several failures?
Ami he hur ic Ia the bank to make another
deposit IN his wifes name
Il wond'r who star ed that slang about
geu ng it in the neck ?' asked the curiou,
DO rider. "Some man Whose wife bought
him q n'cltic at b rgaiu sale likely, 81 d
the cheerful idiot, and 'h'n the conyer,al on
la gui he'd while the pie disappeared
simon recently vi,i ed dcutist -
Alter he had discourse yo'ubly on the sub
iect of his suleriu-s the j istir mildly in
t rp sed, "Doyou want to treated?' nc,
beg IRA, replied ur OFyuu; "you sthrr
the pain, an OIL trale We to anything ye
want"
y Texas merchant i Away, a little har
of hearing when it suit hi, rurp,e. u
want to get a day of, said a clerk Eth?
q ID the merchant. holding hi, hand to hi
ear. Il want to get three day off" 81
heard you very di>tinc ly the first time, .ir.
You can have one day off,
\ Point of Law -L'wycr-Your case
would have heen ronger, Mr. Mcclure,
YOU hsd act d only on the .tr, We. But
you struck first. Ifvou ID lc, him strike
you first YOU would have had the law IN
your side. Mr. McGuire-Yis Old had
the law On NOV soide, bu 0 d a Tad hin,
on moy stomach pounding tn loite out av
me
Is this lIr Heddiueers 90 Yes sir
'uy raue j, Plunk,tt | am acquainted
wi friend of yours in z. iladclphia-Ja
coJson, in the commission bushes. He
to d me" Jacobson 90 Yes; he trld
m to Il YOU he WAS wei. Sent his re.
garls Did you say j. cobson? WI ats
hi first name ?" "llenry ". ! don't know
what the W stands for Perhaps you do
He said he wa, an old friend Of yours -
ooh YES; think rem, mber N now
Be-u some years since I We seen him On
is apt to furgt, you know Is there any
thing can do for you, Nr-Mr.-" Plum