Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-12-09
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

As a rule, when story is funny, il
is not true. -Atchison Globe.
If nobody considers you crank,
you must have attracted very ittle at.
tention.
The family tree would be all very
fine if it were not all tree and no
crop. Life.
A dog will always fight another dog
neck. .-Atchison Globe.
81 will snatch kiss - he exclaimed.
"Iverily believe" she faltered, shyly,
"you have the face to try it on"
The man who can compose song
without the word ooh" at the begin
ming should be given medal. -Peck's
Sun.
Friend-"Was the season satisfac-
tory?" Actol-"Well, we escaped
with our lives and some of our
trunks?"
1t is hard to believe that man is
telling the truth when you know you
would lie were you in his place. -Bos-
ton Transcript.
Cave Gnome What's driving you
ashore?" Sea Serpent (shudderingly)
1.-THE mermaids are trying to wear
bloomers. "-Chicago Tribune.
Here S fact that s true to the cynic
As to the old gray-bearded sage,
The up-to -date woman is never
Right square up to date in her age.
Puck.
''Miss Passe indulged in somewhat
whitening sarcasm when she was talk
ing of you. "' 1T is her privilege, poor
thing She is somewhat withering
rself."-Indianapolis journal.
"Anyhow." said Dismal Dawson,
"they amt no man can lay his hand
on his heart and say truthfully that I
took his job of work away from him,
and that goos"-Indianapolis Jour
nal.
''Bettor wait awhile" said the Cum
mingsville sage. after you get to be
a few years older you won't want any
thing to live for. just living will be
considerable satisfaction. - Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
Hortense-'I suppose there is al
ways something in life to spoil mans
happiness?" Van Jay-"Yes; if
man is poor he can't be happy, and if
if he is rich the chances are he will
get married. "-Brooklyn Eagle.
The Guest Here! What do you
mean by waking me up three times
this morning and telling me it is
breakfast time? And here 1 catch you
running away with the sheet" Boy
"Well, you see, sir, we've got to git
the tablecloth whether you get up or
not. "-Tit-Bits.
Old Mercator Ito little Billy Ducks,
just left school, who applies Tor situa-
tion as Office boy, and produces testi-
monial from clergyman eve don't
want you on Sundays, my good little
boy. Have you reference from any
one who knows You on week days?"-
Sydney Bulletin.
"Why," asked Dismal Dawson,
leaning over the fence, 'why do you
keep on diggin' when the boss amt
around!" "Becauso I really like the
job, said the new farm hand, Scot
real likin' fer work?" "Sure !"
"You'd orter take treatment. In
dianapolis Journal.
Judge B. fell down flight of stairs,
recording his passage in bump on
every stair until he reached the bot
tom. A servant ran to his assistance,
and raising him up said: 81 hopo
your Honor is not hurt?' ''No," said
the Judge, sternly. "My honor is not
hurt, but my head is. "
The latest addition to Americans
abroad is the smart saying of n New
York girl to an Il nglishman who took
her in to dinner. 81 sometimes won
der what becomes of all the peaches
in your country" he said. ooh, we
eat what we can, and can what We
can't" answered the ready-tongued
maid. New York Sun.
First Office Boy-''Do you like your
job?" Second Office Boy NAV
The typewriter is thirty-fve, the book
keepers sore cause he can't be dude
on So week, the instalment company
took the head clerks bicycle away
from him last week cause he hadn't
paid up on it, and the boss won't let
mo whistle anywhere. "-Someryille
Journal.
A Whale Far Above Tidewater.
Captain J. II. d. Gray, OF Astoria,