Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-04-17
9irainia fEee 2ress.
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At first success makes a name afterward
the name makes the success.
The man who is ashamed Of his religion
ought to be, for he has the wrong kind.
Prisoner-Your Honor, this policeman
struck me. New York Magistrate-For
how much?
"Jaggles' wife hez charged him with fail
ure to support her" Tibet so? Whut was
she %runnin' fur"
Phamliman, whose crockery bill, thanks
to the efforts of his maid of all work, is ex-
c~essiye, says that what is needed in his house
is a cup defender.
"There goes a man hat really and truly
loves the game of football" rs he the cap
tain Of" Great Scott! No; he's a
druggist"
sandow was robbed of a valuable watch
in Omaha, He is one of the few men strong
enough to carry a cheap stem winder while
travelling.
Lady-Are you sure this tea is genuine?
1t has a very peculiar smell. Dealer-very
possibly g%unpowder, no doubt they're
having war in China just now.
Ethel-My dear George, tell me why you
look so cross. Yon should have no secrets
from me; remember, you and are one
George-Well, the landlord doesn't seem to
think so.
"Queer people, this" said the rural editor.
an what way % Cant understand Eng
lish. Merely advised them to give the new
mayor plenty of rope, and, bless my soul,
they lynched him"
As the street car was blocked a woman
was heard confding her household cares to a
neighbor. Eyes, l keep a girl awhile so as
to rest my body; then l 60 without her
awhile, so as to rest my mind"
a set four pies out on the window sill 10
cool" said Mrs. Hunker TO her husband,
"and they have all been stolen" Then we
must number them among the lost tarts,
was the philosophical reply.
She nestled coyly on his manly bosom af.
ter the blissful question had been asked
"And am l the only oma you ever loved?"
she asked softly. well, yes-successfully,
he whispered in her enchanted ear.
Tom-PilIs, the druggist tells me that
burglars entered his store the other night
and stole S15 worth of perfume. Too bad,
wasn't it? Jerry-I should say 50. Have
they put the detectives on the scent?
Customer-That clock | bought from you
a month ago hasn't been going for several
days. Dealer-Im not surprised at that
You must remember, madam, that you have
not paid last weeks instalIment on it yet.
The late Plus TX was noted for his humor
Gus sayings. One day sitting to Healy, the
painter, they were talking Of a monk who
had left his order and married. The Pope
said, with smile, "He has taken his punish.
ment into his own hands"
AShort Term Empress.-Blinks-Oh,yts
she carries herself like an empress, and boss
g me around all she. likes now but wait un
til we are married, and then see how shell
fawn and cringe. Winks-To you ? Blink.
No; to the servant girl.
A little 3 year-old girl went to a children
party. On her return she said to her parents
"At the party a little girl fell of a chair
All the other girls laughed, but didn't
"Well, why didn't you laugh o. "'Caus
l was the one that fell of"
Tramp-About a year ago | came. by an'
you gave me an old vest. You may not hav
known it, madam, but there was a So note il
that vest. Lady of the House-Mercy
have you brought it back ? Tramp No
much I've come for another vest.
Il see" said one policeman to another
that every trade in the world but ours ha
had a great and famous man in it" 80 ha
ours" said the other policeman. And VIII.
was that ?" Joshua" Joshua a police
man ?" Surely. Didn't he arrest the sun {?
by the way" said the editor to the ney
man, I'VE don't credit statements to a wei
known citizen on this paper. You must Civ
his name" "The trouble is" explained tb'
new man, that he is so well known that tn
statement would be discredited if his nam
were given"
NJ ~ 80 I'll Gil: