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The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1895-01-01

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Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

MODERN ARMS AND GETTYs.
BURG.-At Gettysburg, in July, 1868,
had the Federal troops been armed
with the rifle now being issued to
the United States infantry, and with
the present improved field guns,
Pickett's heroic band in the charge
on the third day would have been
under fire from start to finish, and
the fire of massed infantry, combined
with breech-loading cannon, would
probably have destroyed every man
in the assaulting lines. Pickett's
right, when formed for the charge,
was 1,S00 yards from the Union
lines; and the magazine rifle sight
is graduated, it will be remem bered
to 1900 yards. With the weapons
then in use the Federals did not
open with artillery on the charging
Southern troops until they were
within 100 yards Of their lines,
and their infantry did not fire until
they were within a much closer
range. In the recent war between
China and Japan, it was stated that
ball fired from a Japanese rife
called the Murata, similar to the
United States magazine rifle, struck
Chinese three-quarters of a. mile
away in the knee, and crushed il
into atoms.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

HIS OWN VALUATIoN.-People
are not always rated 40 high by others
as they are by themselves. Every
man has more or less good opinion
of himself, but often he falls below
his own valuation.
When Count Chambord, the Lepiti.
mist claimant to the throne Of France
was making his final effort, it was
proposed by those interested to raise
a subscription of twenty million
francs for his benefit.
Among those upon whom the
agent in charge of the affair called,
with view to soliciting donation,
was wealthy but penurious noble
man, who had professed, from the
first, great sympathy with the counts
cause.
Upon the agent making known
his errand, the nobleman replied,
pompously:
My blood is always at the service
of His Majesty"
Yes" replied the agent as he
made his exit, "but we are not 60
ing to start a sausage factory"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29
A Texas Horse Thief.
SAVES HIMSELF BY SPEAKING FIF.
TEEN MINUTES.

The Texas court had convened al
the foot of telegraph pole and the
horse thief was watching the pro-
ceedings. Presently the judge
: turned to him.
"Seein'," he said, "as how the
boys come off in a hurry aud forgot
the rope and it's goin' to take some
time fer the men ter git back that's
gone after it, p'r'aps you'd like to
make few remarks to entertain the
crowd and git yer mind often the
main objeck NV yer bein' present on
this OCCASION"
amt much of q speaker re-
piled the prisoner, "but Pm willin'
to please, and as l used to be an ex-
horter before got the Texas habit,
L reckon l might make try at it,
Well, go ahead you've got a
few minutes and the chice of subjex
Considerin' yer doin' it to please us,
we wont be too perticelar."
Can't you make it few years ?"
smiled the prisoner.
We'd like to, but the objeck of
the meetin' wouldn't git fair share.
Besides, we've been to a good deal
of trouble to get you here, and we
amt got time to waste that away.
You jist go ahead and make her
lively, fer the boys may git to shootin
before the rope gifts here"
Thus importuned, the prisoner
took his place on a pile of railroad
ties and launched forth in an inpas-
stoned address, patriotic, religious,
personal and high falutin, the poor
fellow evidently feeling, as had been
suggested by the leader, that in this
way he might forget the object of
the meeting.
He kept it up fifteen minutes or
more, and then the leader held up
his hand for him to stop, and he
looked around nervously expecting
to see the man returning with the
rope; and that's what he did see,
but the leader stepped out and beck
oned the man to one side.
" That's all right" he said reas-
suringly to the prisoner then he
turned to the crowd. Boys,n he
said, "you have heerd this man
maxim speech here for the last fif-
teen minutes, and all that time he
amt said word about free silver er
the Wilson tariff bill, and I m owe you
now that we give him fifteen min
utes ter git out. Thar must be some
good in him, and we ought ter give
him a chance ter let it spread. All
In favor of that motion say, "Ay;"
and with a unanimous vote those
wild and woolly Texans gave that
horsethief another chance for his
white alley.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29
His First Eye-GIasses.

"Do you know what l consider
the prettiest sight of my life ?" asked
one specialized man Of another, a.
they stood looking out of the tower
of the Pulitzer Building, says the
New York World.
Worlds Fair ?"
"No; that was fine, but it didn'
give me the the joy that this sigh
did. 1t wasn't any picture gallery or
this side or the other, 1t was com
mon enough sight too"
Your first-born son?"
"Oh, no. A new born baby is 8
hideous thing. No, it was just the
things ! had seen all my life and had
never been away from.
Only L saw them for the first
time as they were. / had put on my
first pair of glasses. Up to the time
L was seventeen years, l had known
that my eyes weren't like other chill
dren's. / couldn't see the figures on
the blackboard if l sat in my seat
atschool. didn't recognize persons
across the street, and got reputation
for being 'stuck-up.' After l found
out what needed, had an awful
time getting my father to consent to
my wearing glasses. 1t was small
town, and any young person who
wore glasses was looked upon as try
ing to put on agony as effected,
as what is now called 'dudish.' But
L kept digging away, and finally got
pair of glasses on trial, aud proved
to the satisfaction of my father that
with them l could tell the time
Of day by the kitchen clock from
clear out to the woodshed, whereas
he knew that without them I could
not tell the time from the back
door.
When got them / just wandered
around and looked. Main Street
looked as clean cut as a picture.
1 could tell old Josiah Maine three
blocks away-further than my father
could, because short-sighted
person learns to recognize people by a
thousand marks that a normal. sighted
person never notices.
At night used to stand out in the
front yard and stare at the moon and
stars and clouds-things that 1 had
never really seen before. reckon
the people thought 1 was a little
cracked, but 1 didn't care; 1 was so
intoxicated with the joy of seeing
things. My father was ashamed to
be seen on the street with me wearing
glasses. That's fact. And one
night an acquaintance Of mine, who
had an idea that was wearing specks
just for style, caught me reading the
concert programme with nv plassas
pushed up. Said he, 1 thought folks
wore glasses to help them read;' and
it was no good telling him l could
read at close range better without
my glasses than with them. He
smiled as much as to say, sM-hm !
Likely story!'
But say, anybody who wants to
wear glasses for style and can stand
the agony of having his nose CALLED
to bleeding by the bridge of his
glasses, is welcome to it. That's all
have to say. Let's CO."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

a CERTAIN prominent official in
washington some years ago was no.
torious for his disregard of the truth,
says the Detriot Free Press, and he
had a private secretary who wasn't
any better and also knew his masters
weakness. One day a correspondent
tackled the private secretary for
some news on an important matter.
" Really" said the p. g., I" 1 don't
know thing about it," but your
respected employer told me it was to
be acted upon to morrow ?" said the
correspondent, tentatively. The
private secretary was not to be
fooled. Probably he did," he re-
piled, But you wouldn't believe
anything he told you would your"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29
POETRY.
THE DAYS THAT ARE NO MORE

Oh to have lived when earth WAC yor,o
And everything was Charming
when bears and tigers were like lomhs
And snakes were not ALARMING
when me- every day the sun shone out
"a ae e Mnole world went a-Maying,
GIN IN loVeiy maids OH every hand
Through forests dense were straying
oI W. 10 nave known the peerless knights
Who went out dragon.killing
And who to succor Innocence
distressed were more than wiIlingr
Oh to have owned the purses which
With gold were ALWAYS glist ,ningi
Oh TO have seen the fairies come
10 every baby's christ ming.
Oh to have been for one hour on
A magic carpet sitting.
And in the twinkling of an eve
From land to land go fitting!
Just to have once giant seen,
Enough at a civil distance.
ana TO princess in distress
Have offered some assistance.
On to have had the lamps, the rings
That friendly genii granted
Oh to have met the fawns and swans
Which always were enchanted
Oh TO have lived when beggar men
Great Kingdoms could inherit.
"nen princesses could marry churls,
And wishing was merit!
when peasant lads and monarchs' sons
Were equally undaunted,
"hen every tree and rock and stream
was by some fairy haunted.
Oh to have known the time when tears
We're always turned to laughter,
And grief to joy, and people lived
Happily ever after
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29
NUMBER IA.

THE NEWSPAPER GETS LEFT.-A
country newspaper publisher sizes
up the "span of life" as follows
"A child is born, the doctor in at
tendance gets $40 fee. The editor
notes it and gets 0; it is christened
and the minister gets So, and the ed
itor writes 1t up and gets 90 il mar
ries and the minister gets auother
$40. The editor gets a piece of cake
or 600. In the course of time it dies :;
the doctor gets from So to 500, and
the minister perhaps gets another S5;
tee undertaken S25 to $50; the editor
prints notice of death and an or
bituary two columns long, and a set
of resolutions of some lodge or or
ganization to which the deceased be-
longed, and receives 0000, and then
has the privilege of running a free
card of thanks and a lot of poetry
besides,
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

AT recent school board exami-
nation for girls, one of the tasks
was an essay on boys, and this was
one of the compositions, just as it
was handed in, by a girl of twelve:
"The boy Is not an animal, yet they
can be heard to a considerable dis
tance. When boy hollers he opens
his big mouth like frog, but girls
hold their tongues till they are
spoken to, and then they answer re-
specially and tell just how 1t was
A boy thinks himself clever because
he can wade where it is deep, but
God made the dry land for every
living thing and. rested on the sew
enth day. When the boy grows up
he is called husband, and then he
stops wading and stays out at night,
but the grown-up girl is a widow
and keeps house."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29
sDAY EVENING, AUGUST 80, 1895
THE OLD COUPLE.
by l.. NJ. GREGG.

Going down Life's hill together,
This old man and his aged wife
Through the storms and sunny weather
Through the peace, the toll and strife.
Winsome girls and boys true-hearted-
>, NOW to men and women grown
from the home-nest have departed,
And these two are left alone.
ears have marked with stealthy fingers
Lines upon her cheeks and brow;
Stlll charm about her fingers
For the husband even now.
lie, once strong in manly beauty,
Old-tlme power no more can WELD:
ct she, in her love and duty,
Holds him still her staff and shield.
0uthful love grown sweeter, purer
Through the trials they have met,
holds their hearts together surer-
Each one trusts and does not fret.
without fear or timorous shiver
They await 1.-THE muflled OAR
Ihat shall bear them DER the river
10 that strange and distant shore.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

A TRUTHFUL REMARK.-Joe
Jefferson never had but one person
with him who did not reverence the
man as they did the name. This
individual, one Bagley by name,
was the property man and annoyed
the great comedian with undue ia
miliarity. He had called Mr. Jeffer-
son Joey" during his entire thirty
years. service.
Just previous to an auspicious OPEN
ing in one of the big cities, says the
Chicago Times, Mr.. Jefferson dis
charged Bagley for humiliating him
before number of friends. Bagley
got drunk right away, and that night
paid his way to the gallery to see
Mr.. Jefferson present Grip Van
Winkle." The angry Frau had Just
driven poor, destitute Rip from the
cottage, when Rip turns and with q
word of pathos, asks, Den haf no
interest in dis house,"
This house was deathly still, the
audience half in tears, when Bagley's
cracked voice resounded: "Only
eighty per cent, Joey-only eighty
per cent. !"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

DO you sleep we'll? Very many
people who are past their fortieth
birthday find that they sleep very
well from eleven or twelve at night
down toward four in the morning,
when they wake up and toss from
side to side for an hour or two. That
Is bad policy. If you wake at four,
get up and throw back the covering
80 that the temperature of the bed
Will change. Brush your hair, or,
II you are bald, your scalp. Take q
swlg OF Ice water, and after a few
moments of hanging around, thereby
changing the temperature of your
body, go back to bed with a smile
on your face, and enjoy the slumbel
of the righteous.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

PRIMA DONNA AND CLERGYMAN.
In the "Life of Karl Won Gerok ;"
man distinguished as a poet and as
minister of the Gospel, an incident
is given which ILLUSTRATES not only
his kindly spirit but his quick wit
He was one day walking in Stutt-
gart, carrying an umbrella. At the
same time the prima donna of the
Stuttgart opera troupe was tripping
along the sidewalk, without that
protection against the weather. Sud-
denly rain began to fall and Herr Won
Gerok offered the lady the shelter of
his umbrella. Though entire strang-
ers to each other they had a pleasant
chat. After awhile the reverend
gentleman remarked:
MAY 1 venture to ask your
name?"
1t is plain to see that you never
go to the OPERA" answered the lady ;
Everybody knows that 1 am the
leading singer at the Court theater.
Now it is my turn to ask to whom
l am indebted for the protection of
an umbrella"
sc Your question clearly proves
that you never 60 to church." was
the reply, for all religious people
know that l am the cheif pastor of
this town."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

NARROw-MINDED people are OBJ
structives to their minds all good
is centered in themselves or others,
In what they are or what they believe.
Their politics can only be right their
methods the only safe ones their
religion the only true one. Save US
always from norrow-minded people,
who make their own armchair the
center Of the world who persistently
refuse to look through any other
spectacles than their own; who
pooh pooh! all that other people
think or say. They are bad-tem-
pered, too as rule, cannot stand
contradiction, get into rage at op-
position, and like to be social
&C Htigers.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

"l've been looking at it," she re.
! piled. You woke up late, dressed
in hurry, swallowed your break.
fast before | got down, and the fact
is you hadn't half dressed. Your
collar wasn't buttoned behind, and
and as a consequence has been up
around your ears all day. Turn
around here. No; it isn't huttoned. :"
"And why not, Mrs. BOwser-
why not?" he demanded as he
stopped before her and drew him
self up. "Is my head filed with
sawdUst? Haven't / enough COM
mon sense to button a collar on ?
Who got up in the night and-and-"
Nobody got up in the night, but
you got up in the morning." she
said, as he paused to find words TO
1nlsh his sentence. You must
have something behind your shirt
bosom to make it puff out that way
We'll, if that isn't just like you !"
She held up a towel before his
eyes and gave it shake, and his
face turned from red to white and
back again as he whispered:
Mrs. Bowser, how-how did that
towel get-get behind my shirt ?"
You put it there, of course.
Have you any old hats, shoes, hair
brushes or brooms hidden away un-
der the back of your vest or in your
pockets ?"
Woman-woman-"
Yes, Pm woman. You didn't
turn the sleeves of your coat wrong
side out when you put the garment
on, but your vest isn't button ed up
right, and you've put your glasses
in the wrong pocket. What's this
in your shoe, Mr.. Bowser ?"
In-in my shoe ?"
Yes, in your shoe. You were
limping as you came down the street.
Here's one Of your shirt-studs, and
it's been digging into your heel all
day. Didn't it occur to you to take
off your shoe?"
Mr.. Bowser stood and glared and
realized that he had the worst of the
argument. 1t wouldn't do to ac-
knowledge it, however, and so he
pulled himself together with a great
effort and said:
Very well, Mrs. Bowser-very
we'll see how it is 4! 1 understand
this little business right from the
beginning, and no matter how pain
full it may be to me it is my duty to
-to-to-n
"To come down to dinner,n she
said as the lump in his throat choked
off his words.
But he wouldn't. He picked up
his shoes and went upstairs instead,
and in going up he kicked every
step, and in closing the door of his
room he banged it with such force
as to make the house tremble. And
Mrs. Bowser sighed and smiled and
said to herself that it was just like
man.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

A DENVER hotel has posted the
Following notice in the bedrooms {:
"lf you burn the gas all night it will
cost you nedollar if you blow it out
1T will cost you your life." A farmer
from Kansas, who was guest of the
house, after reading the notice was
heard to say, "Be gad, I'll take
chances on my life before I'll pay a
dollar" Fortunately the transom
was open, and the night porter
aroused him before it was too
late.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

How TO AVOID COLDs.-Never
lean with the back upon anything
that is cold.
Never take warm drinks and then
Immediately 60 out into the cold.
Keep the back, especially between
the shoulder blades, we'll covered
also the chest well protected.
In sleeping in cold room estab.
lish habit of breathing through the
nose, and never with the mouth
open.
Never go to bed with cold or damp
feet. Never omit regular bathing,
for unless the skin is in active condi.
tion the cold will close the pores
and favor congestion and other dis.
eases.
After exercise Of any kind never
ride in an open carriage or near the
window of car for moment il is
dangerous to health or even life.
When hoarse speak as little as pos.
sible until the hoarseness is re.
covered from, else the voice may
be permanently lost, or difficulties OF
the throat produced.
Merely warm the back by the fire,
and never continue keeping the back
exposed to the heat after 1t has be.
come comfortably warm. To dc
otherwise is debilitating.
When going from a warm atmos.
phere into a cooler one, keep the
mouth closed, so that the air may be
warmed in its passage through the
nose before 1t reaches the lungs.
Never sand still in cold weather
especially after having taken slight
degree Of exercise, and always avoid
standing on ice or snow, or where
the person is exposed to cold wind.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

HAD NO TERRoRs FOR Him.
Does yOh know what's happening
in de wurl OBJ science ?" asked Uncle
Eben of his nephew.
"'Deed 1 DOESN'T" was the re-
ply.
"'Hain't yoh 'shamed, an yoh
workin' on er canal boat, ingaged in
de traffic OBJ disshere great country ?
Yoh bettah know; l tell yoh dat.
Science Is Citing right into yoh busi-
ness"
How'd you mean, uncle ?"
Dey Ia runnin' canal boats by
lectricity Std o. by mule, an of yoh
amt keerful yoh'll be shocked
clean off'n de tow-paf inter de
woods"
aim skeert."
"Yoh ain't?n
"No, indeed. I'd like fur to hab de
Electricity once"
what foh ?"
"'Case, if dat Electricity kin shock
any harder'n a mule can kick, dess
wants ter see 1t. Dat's all; I dess
wants ter see it.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

DIR. NORRIS GIBBS says that the
result of observations of the songs
of fifty different species of birds
shows that the notes do not change
In quality as a result of change in
emotion. After robbing nests he
had waited and listened, allowing
ample time for the male to learn of
the spoliation. In each instance the
male, upon returning to the empty
nest, at once burst into a song; and
though it is possible that the song
expressed much sorrow or com plant,
DR.. Gibbs could never distinguish
any difference between it and the
warbling he was accustomed to hear,
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

"YoUNG men should never go to
a place where they would not take
their sisters. Is there a young man
in the audience who thinks he may
safely break this wise rules" asked
the preacher. Young man under the
gallery stands up. "And what is
the place, my young friend, which
you think yourself justified in visit
Ing, and yet to which you would not
think of taking your sister ?n "The
barber shop, sir ."-Lfe.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

OBEDIENCE is very small part of
conjugal duty, and in most cases
easily performed. Much of tho
comfort of married life depends
upon the lady great deal more, per-
haps, than she is aware of. She
scarcely knows her own influence !;
how much she may do by persuasion
how much by sympathy-how
much by unremitting kindness and
little attentions. To acquire and re-
tain such influence she must, how
ever, make her conjugal duties her
first object.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29
LOOK me in the face, sir.

LOOK me in the face, sir.
He raised his eyes timorously un-
Gil they were directed to her counte-
nance.
Now, sir, deny if you dare, that
you married me for my money.
1t must have been your money, he
faltered.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

Doctor, have an important ply
slological question to ask you.
When 1 stand on my head the blood
rushes to my head.-Now, when /
stand on my feet, why does it not
rush into my feet ?
Because your feet are not hollow.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

BUsY-Friend-What makes you
write all the time?
Groom Elect-Practicing how to
write Jibson and wife on a hotel
register without having the clerk
ask me if we're newly married.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

"SPRIGGs is always very thought
ful for his wife's comfort.' "What
has he been doing lately ?" eyes
terday he bought two of the smallest
coal-scuttles he could find, so as to
make it easy for her to carry in the
cOalD
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

He who has been faulty In the
management Of his own concerns,
VIII not be able to advise we'll with
reference to those of others. Those
VINO are especially careless of their
welfare, are seldom remarkably at
tentive to that of others.-Socrates
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

BARKER got in to rumpus with a
policeman the other night, said
Pinkey; he offered to bet the police.
man he did not dare to arrest MIN,
What did the copper do?
Took him I'D,
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-08-29

The editor of a Georgia paper
makes this announcement to deiin-
quent subscribers: "We have bought
handsome new Office safe. Next
week we are going to buy a repeat.
ing shotgun and start out collecting.
30 we can make use OF the safe.u "