davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
HUMOROUS.

-Tourist-"When do you expect the
war to end?" Chinese General-''What
war?''-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Tommy. 1 have told you time and
time again not to hold your fork that
way" ''Well, 1 don't understand this
fork" said Tommie. ''Pa says it's
German silver, an 'ain't ever studied
German. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Theodore -"Ten me, now, what is
the meaning of the expression, pulling
your Lego" .Richard-''I can't tell you
in so many words. but ] will illustrate.
You haven't ten dollars about you that
you can let me have for week or twof
Thanks Boston Transcript
Mrs. Kiddlet-''Why, children,
what's all this noise about?" Little
Jamie-"We've had gran'pa and Uncle
Henry locked in the cupboard for an
hour, an when they get little angrieI
we are going to play going into the
lions cage kansas City Journal.
--''Do you believe" said the inquisi
tive man, ''that these poets who write
so exquisite1y about the delights Of
early rising ever tried it themselves
Certainly not" replied the sluggard.
eff they had they would never have
written in that way about it. Wash
ington Star.
of the Same Station The Mis-
tress-s'So you are really going to be
marrled?" Janey (blushing) -'tYis
num-" The Mistress Gmpressively(-
II do hope you will wed one of youl
station. and not below IT. JaneJ
(confidently)->'In dade, yis mum. Me
and Dinnis lived close by McGuire-s
Cross Roads, and always TUX the same
train at the same station. There's nc
station below. That's the end of the
railroad Pittsburgh Bulletin
Mamma, y said Jack, may &c
ont to playe'' NO, you must sit sta
where yon are Pause. MA, can't
| 90 down in the kitehen?' You may
not. 1 want You to sit perfectly quiet.
| Another pause. Mamma, mayn't
sit on the floor and play marblese'
Nov, my dear boy, have told yo1
! twice that want you to sit just wheFt
you are and be quiet, and / mean ex
actly what say Third pause. Ma
NAV grow H2rpers Young
People.
Collecting His Eent.-Longhead-
Madam. / wish to draw your atten
ton to the sad case of a poor family
The father is too old to work, tn
| mother is bedridden, and the FIVE lit
tie children are crying for bread. i
cap all, the poor creatures are abou
to be turned out on the street unles
some one win pay their arrears O
rent, amounting to thirty dollars
Mrs Kindheart-"How terrible! Her
is the thirty dollars for the rent. B.
the way. may I ask who you are?
Longhead las he disappeared)-"Cel
tainly, madam; am the landlord. =
IN. Y. Tribune.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
THE GIFTS.

Life, thou vast rich with promises;
What dost thou giUeP
what precious boon hast thou to show and say:
Take this and liver"
Tor when the glory tag on far. blue hills.
On rocks and trees
Thou saidst: THE beauty of the coming years
Behold in these
Or when the air was full Of rushing winds
Or rains soft symphony.
Thou said'st: These utter great, mysterious
things
That are to be.
1aJow give! Give love. perhaps But, "No.'
Life said:
Though Love must be
AID Love Is fair-ay, wondrous fair is Love
IT'S not for thee"
Then Famel Oh Life. since thou deniest me
Love,
Let me have Famel
Sweet were the voice Of praising multitude
That spoke my name
10. the grand pity in the face of Lifei
But few there are
,{Aias how very fewi) who climb that height
Lofty and far"
Still Joy is left for mep "Child. dost thou
know
How Joy is brief?
None may the birthright of the race forego,
And that is Grief"
Not Love, nor Fame. nor Joyl What gift is
left
Worthy to take?
Not one; no single onel Life, get thee gonei
Let my heart break
Life smiled noble smile. "The best OF all
To all give
Duty and Usel These are the gifts bring
Take these, and livel"
Virginia G. Caroline r. in N. Y. Independent
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
Only a Matter of Tense.

There is a rule at Smith college that
no girl can go out driving with a
young man unless he is her brother,
her fiance, or a near relation. Now,
once upon time not many years ago
a young man went there to see a girl
with whom he stood in none of these
relations, although he wished to be in
one of them. And like any sensible
young fellow in such pretty town.
he asked her to take a drive, having
no knowledge of the bothersome rule.
The girl said that she would just love
to go, but she would have to ask the
president.
rs the young man your brother?''
inquired that functionary.
No" said the girl.
'Are you engaged?'
Not yet" the blushing maiden an.
swered, but think we will be when
we come back if you will only let me
gor'
And tradition says that the presi.
dent relented, and that the couple
came home engaged. Utica Observer.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
DANGER OF MENTAL STRAIN.
Serious Disorders Resulting From Too
Much Brain Work.

Serious Disorders Resulting From Toe
Much Brain Work.
intellectual work does not injure
health or shorten life, but mental
overwork, when associated with emo
tional strain, is often cause of nerv-
Gus breakdown and disease.
Health and life are sometimes lost
through forgetfulness of the fact that
mental strain is dangerous to those IN
or past middle life who attempt brain
work to which they have not been ac-
customed.
If not subjected to excessive mental
or physical strain, public and profess
sional men, although afflicted with or
ganic diseases, may live in comfort and
do a moderate amount of work for
many years.
Among physicians, lawyers and jour-
nalists the performance of brain work
under pressure for time and bad hygi-
enie conditions, is common cause of
i'll health.
Comparatively few clergymen sue
eumb completely to mental overwork,
although many of them suffer from a
mild, annoying form of nervous ex-
haustiOn.
The danger to the scientific worker
usually arises from too intense and
prolonged activity of the mind in one
direction. It springs largely from the
fascination it has for its votaries. The
system of severe competitive examina-
tions in many communities saps the
health of teachers and pupils,
Chronic nervous exhaustion Is not
lie affairs and in the professions. Such
men are, however, sometimes the vie
Tins of severe acute nervous prOstra-
tion.
TIE warnings OF mental oVerworlk
and Oyerstrain wary, but certain
psyehieal symptoms and such physical
symptoms as laxity or imnObility OF
eountenanee, diminished resisting
power, heart failure, sleePlessness,
eervico-OecipitAl pain or distress ana
| dyspepsia are Of most frequent occur
renee.
insanity in some forms is often de
velOped by OVerstraiR of the nervous
systems
3 Phthisis, diabetes and Bright's dis
ease, next to insanity, are among the
diseases most likely to be developed
by mental overwork. Men in whose
families phthisis is hereditary should
carefully guard against such over
work.
Overtaxing. the mind and rervoui
system may be the exciting cause o.
almost any serious disorder to whici
chance, accident. imprudence or infeo
ton exposes the individually. 4
Ledger
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

IS. r. Crockett, whom the 'Sticket
Minister" made famous. has now an
assured income of $25, 900 a year, and
he is said to have contracted to do
literary work to keep his pen busy the
rest of the century. Only recently he
occupied pulpit in Scotch village
church on a salary of 81, 200.
William NJ. Evarts, when secretary
Of state, one day remarked in his
quaint way to friend who was teas
ing him about his long sentences and
involved style of composition: Yes,
am aware that there are two classes OF
people who dislike long sentences
criminals and newspaper men,"
Stanley Weyman first thought of
opening up the romance of early
French history when sitting noodily
in the smoking-room of his club mourn
ing over his bad luck in literature.
The plot of his most successful novel
flashed across his mind as he was wash
ing his hands preparatory to going IN
to dinner
-Phineas Moses, a Cincinnati n,er-
ninety-seven, was the son of ar En-
glish Hebrew, who also lived to oe as
old. Phineas Moses used to boast that
in his youth he saw Napoleon pris-
oner on the British frigate, the boy
having rowed out in a boat to her side
to see the fallen emperor.
There died in Milan, Italy, the
other day, woman with remarkab BILE
history. She was Signora Caterina
Passudotti, who took part in the
revolutions of 1881, 1s4s. 1888 and 1864.
Her house in Friaul in 1864 was the
trysting place of all revolutionists.
She had great influence over Mazzini,
and was called 1.-The Spartan" by
Garibaldi.
The Countess Schimmelmann, for.
merly lady-in- waiting at the court
of Berlin, addressed the workingmen
of Copenhagen the other day and an
nounced that she intended to sell her
large villa near the Danish capital and
devote the proceeds to the poor. She
had lived, she said, IN the palace of an
emperor and in the huts of fishermen,
and she had become convinced that
the poor are happier than the million
aires.
"A collection of Thomas Kempis'
''De Imitatione Christi" containing six
manuscripts and 1,199 printed editions
in thirty-seven languages and dialects
by Rev. Mr.. Waterton, was sold last
winter in London for only $720. The
British museum has just obtained the
collection from the purchaser for the
same price, and as it already has 500
editions of the book, its collection will
be one of the most complete in exis-
tence. Father de Backer recl1ons the
whole number of editions and transla-
tions of the Limitation" at about 5000.
Jose Maria de Heredia, the new
member of the French academy, is
native of Havana, being French on the
maternal side. At the age of eight
he was taken to Paris and educated
there for several years, afterward re-
turning to Havana to enter the uni
versity He is disciple of Leconte de
Lisle, and writer of ''fnely-spun"
sonnets. He has also written few
prose works, such as an admira bic
translation of the Conquest of New
Spain,'' from the old chronicle by
Bernal Diaz del Castillo; the ''Nonne
Alferez" and series of articles on
THE Land of the Cid"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
No Secrets Wanted.

1.-THE ballott-give ms the secret bal
lot" shrieked the speaker. while the
members of the Female Suffrage club
lent applause, land we'll rule the
world A tall woman in.spectacles
arose at the rear of the hall. Not
the secret ballot" she interrupted,
earnestly; when we get the ballot at
all we want something we can keep.
Having been woman ever since start
ing in life she understood something
OF the limitations of her sex--N. Y.
Recorder
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
SCHOOL AND cHuRcH.

Father Richard Henebry, an Irish
man, and Maynooth graduate, has
been appointed professor of Kettle in
Bishop Keane's Catholic university at
Washington.
The Life and Advent union, a re-
ligious denomination, has twenty
eight societies and a membership of
1918 They worship in seven churches,
valued at $16.79
The United Presbyterian church
proposes to reduce the membership of
its general assembly from 275 TO 204.
They want less expensive and more
manageable body.
Bishop Newman finds that religion
has been greatly benefited by the hard
times, the Methodist church alone gain
ing over one hundred thousand mem
bers since the beginning of the finan-
cial depression.
There are seventeen different
branches of Methodism In this country.
each having a distinctive name, its own
church property, its own organization,
it's own places of worship and its own
body of membership.
France proposes to decentralize its
university. M. Poincarre, minister of
education, presents a scheme to par
lament by which the academies in
the principal towns will take the
name of universities, each to have its
separate revenues, while the state re-
ceives the fees for examinations and
degrees.
Cardinal Ruffo Scilla, who died
the other day, was head of the prince
ly family of Ruffo di Calabria. His
death leaves only three Cardinals who
are lay princes in the sacred college.
Cardinal Hohenlohe, brother of the
German chancellor; Cardinal Bona
parte. grandson of Lucien, and senior
Bonaparte, and Cardinal Schonborn,
rchbishop of Prague.
The annual statement of the Amer
lean Baptist Missionary union shows
that the total receipts for the year
were $577, S42; the debt April 1, 1894,
was S2O3, 1896; the appropriations were
1864, 200, making a total of $767, 796.
The debt thus is $189,954, of which
amount SO, 374 is from the Gordon Me-
mortal fund OF the total amount re-
ceived 1891, OS6 was from donations,
ST., O43 from legacies, and $1O9,6 from
the womens societies.
"A strong movement has developed
in the Scandinavian Lutheran church
in Minnesota for the adoption of En-
glish as the official language of the
church organization, and for the total
abandonment of the use of the old
tongue Many prominent members are
convinced that only by the adoption of
the English language in the church
can the younger generation, which was
either born or brought up in this coun-
try, be kept within the Lutheran fold.
An organization has been formed by
the progressive ministers and elders to
secure the change.
king Menelil1 of Abyssinia is
founding a large library at Abbis
Abeba, and collecting all the old Eth
opian books be can find. According
to tradition, when the Somalis in
vaded Abyssinia in the sixteenth CEN
fury all the books belonging to the
emperor were hidden on an island in
Lake Zuai, in southern Shoa. In De-
cember last Menelik sent a feet of
RATS to the island, where the hidden
books were actually found. The ma
tives could not read them. but kept
them as religious objects. The manu-
scripts were left with them, but copies
were ordered for the new library.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
Fnreien Converse.

Etiquette requires in Chinese CONVEX
sation that each should compliment
the other and depreciate himself and
all his belongings. 1t is affirmed that
the following is not an exaggeration
what is your honorable name?"
MY insignificant appellatlon is
Chang"
'Where is your magnificent palace?'
MY contemplate hut is at Lu
chan
How many are your illustrious chill
dren?"
My vile, worthless brats are FIVE"
''How is the health of your distin
guished spouse?"
MY mean, good-for-nothing ok
woman is well. '-Tit-BitS-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
Our coinage has mainly been exc

Our coinage has mainly been exc
cuted at the Philadelphia mint, estab.
lished in 1893. There are three other
mints-one at San Francisco, estab-
.ished in 1854, one at New Orleans, es-
tablished in 1888, and one at Carson
City, New, established in 1870.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24

Biggerstaf-Young Higgins SAYS he
adores the very ground Miss FoSdick
walks on.
Timberwheels - He wouldn't have
such an affection for it if he know it
was mortgaged to its full value. DE
troit Free Press.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
Not Sure About 1t.

Remember, my son. said the pru-
dent father, that politeness doesn't
cost anything" YES" was the reply.
1--WE heal that" You don't doubt
it, do you?" well, it certainly costs
me about seven dollars a week to get
any politeness out of the walters in our
hotel Washington Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
FUNNY MISTAKES.
slips ~ the Tongue that Are ProvOcatIons
of Mirth.

sips N the tongue That Are ErOVOc3elO00
OF Mirth.
He5erophemy. the curious disease
which consists in using one word when
meaning to use an entirely different
one. gives rise to many amusing combi-
nations. An oldlady in town on the
Hudson river is thus afflicted. She is
tall and stately in appearance, courtly
and gracious in manner, and this
makes her homogeneous sentences all
the more ridiculous. Strange to say,
she herself is totally unconscious of
her inirmity, for the family, friends,
and even the servants endeavor to
save her from the modification she
would feel.
Not long ago, when she recovered
from a serious illness, the bishop of
the diocese CHANGED to be making his
annual visitation, and at the sugges-
ton of the rector they went together
to call upon Mrs. Drew.
She was delighted to see them, and
entertained them with her usual grace
and cordiality. The conversation nat
urally touched upon her illness, and
her thankfulness at her recovery.
which for a time had been despaired of.
saying earnestly. My dear bishop,
let us have little drop"
The startled prelate glanc ed at the
rector. He, knowing his old friends
infrmity, cast about in his mind for
her probable meaning.
Bishop" repeated the old lady seri-
ously, "let's have a little drop"
Ger tainly, Mrs. Drew" interrupted
the rector, waiting for her to make
some move which might disclose her
meaning. But Mrs. Drew waited ex-
pectantly also.
''If you have not your Wade Mecum
with you, there is prayer book" she
said, after minute.
The rector, with sigh of relief
turned to the bishop MRS. Drew
will be glad to have you read prayers
with he.," he said quietly.
Prayers were read, and then the gen
tlenen prepared to take leave.
"Your visit has been a pleasure -
Mrs Drew said warmly. Nov, Mr..
Belknap, won't you take this little
boy home TO your dear wife, with my
best love"
For a moment Mr. Belknap won
uOF0u IL she COuIO Tue OlSilOps
but she relieved his mind by lifting a
magnificent bunch of roses from vase
on the table.
Allied to this is another form of mis-
speech, to which most of US are occa-
sionally subject-the extent of the syl
tables. A certain young lady, often
reverses her vowels thus, says she Is
entirely unconscious of it, even after
speaking.
One summer evening she was saun-
| tering with friend toward the viii
| lage post office of lite town where
they were staying. On the way they
encountered an acquaintance with a
hand full of letters.
'Ah, good evening"" she said, in her
peculiarly gracious, suave manner.
Are you strolling out of your mole
hole?''
The mystified young woman made
some inarticulate reply and passed on.
AS soon as the friend could recover her
gravity, she gasped, II suppose you in
tended to ask Miss May if she was
strolling out for her mail?"
The same young lady was relating a
sad story of various misfortunes which
had overwhelmed her dear friend.
Think" she concluded pathetically,
''of losing husband, children, proper
| ty and home at one swell foop"' And
howl of laughter rent the roof.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24

She Tin an art gallery)-''I wonder
if my hat is on straight; every body
stares at me So" He-''Naturally they
do. You're the most perfect picture
here" And now the cards are out -
Philadelphia Record.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24
Enectually Broken Up.

''What broke up the meeting?" in.
quired the sympathizer.
What broke up the meeting?"
echoed the fiery anarchist orator,
fiercely. 1T was broken up, sir, by an
idiot in the audience who started round
with hat to take up collection to
pay for the dynamite. Boston Globe.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24

The haunts of happiness are varied
and rather unaccountable, but have
more often seen her among little chill
dren, and home fresides, and the coun-
try houses, than anywhere else - at
least think so.--Sydney Smith
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24

-Christiana of Sweden was of tall
and commanding figure. and walked
so heavily that her step was often mis-
taken for that of a man. Her voice was
harsh, and her actions were often
abrupt and rude.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24

An authority on jewelry estimates
that there are at least 5000, 900. 900 in
vested in this country in various kinds
of gold and silver ornaments.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24

The Church of God IN Christ has a
following of All members in eighteen
societies. They have three chnrches,
valued at $1,000.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-08-24

Lite thou vast rich with promises;
What dost thou giOsg
What precious boon hast thou to show and say:
Take this and liver
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-04-27

OUR flower department ia exquisite
You can scarcely see the difference il
natures production. Palais Royal, 10
Salem Ave,
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-04-27

EVERYBODY knows our store, and
they know also that they get by far the
best values for their money. Palais
Royal, 1O1 Salem avenue.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-04-27

Stories of John Boyle O'Reilly's good
fellowship and generosity are still cur
rent in Boston. a stranger mistaking
him for friend approached him from
behind, slapped him on the shoulder,
and greeted him as Jack with all the
warmth of lifelong friendship
OReilly turned to face very cmbar-
raised man and said, holding out his
hand: I'm not Jack, but I'm glad to
know and be the friend of any man
that is as glad to see his friend as you
seem to be-" While O'Rcilly was read
ing one of his poems after a semi-pub-
lie dinner, and, as usual, was deeply
absorbed in the task, negro waiter
walked across the floor with creaiting
shoes. O'Rcilly, much annoyed, stopped
and addressed half dozen bitter words
to the chairman. The waiter was
thoroughly unhappy at the incident,
and guest who left the table after the
poem was finished found O'Rcilly in the
hall humbly apologizing to the negro
and thrusting n flvc-dollar bill into his
hand.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-04-27
OLD ONES ARE BEST.
Why 1t Is That Aged vioIins Arc Pre-
fcrred to New Ones.

fcrred to New Ones.
Fabulous prices are sometimes paid
for old violins, and many an enthusi-
astic musician would part with his last
dollar to possess one of the master
pieces of Stradivarius, or Guarnerius,
or another of the famous makers of a
century or two ago.
The unqucstioncd superiority of these
old, and often battered, instruments
has been variously ascribcd to the pc
culiar quality of the varnish used in
their construction, to the elasticity of
the wood employed, and to the ri pen
ing and improving effects of age and
long use.
But ut last summers meeting of the
American association for the advance
mcnt of science reasons were shown
for believing that the real cause of the
superiority of the old instruments is
due to peculiar warping of the wood
to higher arch, a bucl<ling caused by
the position of the L holes and sound
post"
1t might be thought that the same
effect could be produced by giving n
equal arching to a new instrument,
but the effect, if attained, is not per-
manent because with age the arching
increases until too great a degree of
rigidity is the result.
The substitution of aluminium for
wood in the making of violins has
been suggested because experiment has
shown that soundboards of aluminium
resemble those in tone made of wood,
and that of an aluminium violin does
not undergo changes of form with
age, so that it can be made perfect to
begin with and will remain in that con-
1itioD