Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-02-25

Leu Ob All Lau-ns
She dnnocently)-"Lan Ma
ture, indeed! Why, it's no more like
nature than amv-Tid-Bi
She-"And what would you be now If
1t weren't for my money! He-"A
bachelor. Pail Mall Budget.
''Why SO glum?' asked friend.
"Aren't you doing q roaring trader"
Eyes, l am," admitted the basso, "but
1t is all on otes."-Cincinnati Tribune.
"But what earthly use is it to dis
cover the north pole? l can't see."
ut will save future expeditions. ."-Har-
per's Bazar
Lady-"Are you full of gratitude for
that meal 1 gave your" Lane Walker
Better than that, lady. I'm full Of
your splendid h."-PhiladeIphia
Record.
Papa-"Wherc did the count say his
castle was-on the Rhine?" Agnes
"Yes; on q high cliff" Papa-"Guess
it's on high bluff, rather."-New York
World.
New Boarder (shivering)-"T stove
is too small for this room" Landlady
(kindly)-"So it is. "I'll have it moved
into a smaller room for you.'-New
York Weekly.
Cholly Chumpleigh-"Yes;g gloves are
worn in bed at night to make the hands
soft" Miss Coldeal-'Indeed. Do you
wear nightcaps, Mr.. Chumpleigh ?'-
New York Weekly.
"Bein' funny" said Uncle Eben, "am
sumpin' dat er man hez ter be mighty
kyahful bout. Tain so much in know.
in how ez t is in KNOWN when."-
Washington Star.
Little Boy-"How old are you?" Miss
Antique (confusedly)-"You should not
ask lady how old she is." Little Boy
r"Oh, 'xcuse me. How young are
youT'-Good News.
Miss Passe-"Don't you consider it
unlucky to get married on the thirteenth
Of the month"; Miss Rose-"Not so
unlucky as not to be married at all,
dear."-Boston Courier
you'll please look over this small bill,"
Exclaimed the dun. The debtor took
it;
anu ttith Stiii Win "tuiJ
"I'd rather overlook it."
Philadelphia Record.
"Why do l follow the vocation of
wandering tramp?" said the peripatetic
scarecrow. "I'll tell ye, marin. A
tramp don't have to pay no tips to
walters. Boston Transcript.
81 would kiss you If dared" he said.
"If were q man." she replied, with q
determined air, 81 think would dare
anything" Just then q cloud passed
over the moon.-New York Press.
Colonel Spouter claims that the
women supported him during his cam
paign, if the men didn't" "Yes; his
wife took in washing and his mother
plain sewing. Buffalo Courier.
Grlmes-"I don't believe u woman
could be kept from talking during
game Of cards, even with club"
Grumper-"Certainly not, If 1t happens
to be whist club. Buffalo Courier.
Policeman to Wheclman (who Is rid
ing ON the side path here, young
man, you can't ride there" Cant, eh?
Well, you just watch me-" And he shot
out Of sight.-The American Wheel
man.
We see all kinds of books
Those that are stupid and gay
But the fattest one we find
Is the pocketbook of to-day.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
"Some women can't believe word
hat h,,c nd ,l,n
"Well," confided the other, "I'm not
quite so badly off rs that. My husband
talks In his sleep occasionally. Wash
ington Star.
Nettie-"What did Mr.. Knowall write
on the card he put in the basket Of flow
ers?" Blanche-"For the one l love
best" Nettie-"The horrld creature
has bought them for himself"
Inter Ocean.
Fenderson-"Evidentl my friends
think I'm smart, whatever you may
say. I know that whenever l say
bright thing they remember 1t for
months" Fogg-"I should think they
might."-Boston Transcript.
az cannot live without you,"
The love-lorn suitor sighed;
"And could not live with you,"
The wealthy maid replied.
New York Morning Journal.
Friend-"Mercy! don't that drum and
whistle drive you almost crazyT" Hos
tess-"No, | rather like the noise; you
see we are going to move into the, fiat
right above the lady who gave them to
Willie."-Chicago Inter Ocean.
Upton-"Don't you think that Mrs.
Wabash was in rather an unseemly
hurry to marry after getting her di.
Vorce" Observation-Disclosures no! She
waited until the decree was brought
to her by q messenger boy."-Buffalo