davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
COULDN'T CATCH THE JOKE.
The scotchman Thought the Story
Sad Instead Of Fanny,

The Scotchman Thought the Story
Sad Instead Of Fanny.
The appreciation Of a Jest is not DOS
sible to every one, and those persons
who lack the power of %perceiving a
Joke are often funnicr, Internationally,
than r the Intentional testers.
On all Atlantic steamer of the Amer.
ican line vas a Scotch gentleman
coming to New York who was soon
distinguished among his fellow pas
sengers for his disability in the mat
ter of approaching humor, and several
Americans set to work to see If they
could tell him some story of which he
would e the fun.
All sorts Of anecdotes, good and bad,
were tried, some true and some apocry-
phal, and at length, when the supply
was nearly exhausted and the Scotch
man was as unmoved as ever, one Of
the Americans told this whimsical and
absurd story:
lie said that a man and his bride
started on their bridal tour on an
ocean steamer, and were taken VIC.
lently i'll almost al 500 rs the boat
started. The voyage was exceedingly
rough, and both bride and groom be-
came &c dangerously Ill that it was
found necessary to put them in sep
arate staterooms. Neither manifested
any special interest in the other, so
deathly sick were they both.
At last the steward came to the
stateroom Of the husband and said to
him: II am very sorry, but I have
come to tell you that your wife is
dead" THAT'S good" the soaslck hus-
band returned feebly. II wish I was"
The story, such Us it was, of course
turned upon the old joke about sea-
sickness.
The Scotchman listened to It in pro-
found silence, and, when it was fin
ished, he heaved a melancholy sigh.
"Ah," he commented, every sad, I'm
sure. What was the name of the par
ties?" And after that they gave up
all attempts to make him see a joke
New York Journal.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
no use Tor Him.

The dusky islanders sat in q: ring,
listening with eager expectations to
the Lord Chancellor, as he read to
their monarch the latest communities
tion from the foreign mission society.
"since the mysterious disappear
ance of our dear brother Duppy," 30
ran the letter, we are sending you
one who will be a powerful worker IN
the field. In him not only Is the spirit
willing, but the flesh is strong"
A look of disappointment passed
around the circle.
"Read that part again." said His
Majesty.
The king leaped up from the section
Of pork barrel which formed the I'M
"such a letter as that" he cried. %
he dashed his stove-pipe crown on the
coral strand, sis an outrage; the man
win be utterly distasteful to us; write
at once and say we don't want him."-
T~skh
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
and the county officers moved in this

and the county officers moved in this
week.
Burtrum Belial was bound over al
Jamestown on the charge Of burglar
izing Wells store.
Rev. j. II. Baldwin of Tower City,
who is over eighty years Of age, is
learning to ride a bicycle.
Prairie fires are worse this year
than ever. The farmers seem too
busy to plow fire breaks.
A hobo paid $50 and thirty days for
a pair Of pants at Milton, and then
didn't keep the pants.
Two harvest hands attempted to
ride the trucks out Of Hope and one
had his foot SO badly crushed that
amputation was necessary.
Grafton has settled the old electric
light muddle by purchasing the plant
for $4,000. The plant will be in opera
ton again by Nov. Is.
The Ardoch fire was not wholly &C.
cidental. While the fire was in prog
ress a hobo was caught setting fire to
a barn.
The mail pouch at Tower City was
run over by the Northern Pacific train
the other day. This is the second Of
Tense there.
Citizens of Jamestown are having a
hard time. The water in the river is
lower than usual and some wells have
gone dry. Nothing is said about the
blind pig supply.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Sunday, Oct. 20.

oS&. ~.
Edgerly may have a cheese factory.
A party Of Dunkards have located at
Darlington.
Cakes entertains Dickey county
schoOlma'ams all next week.
The Hillsboro starch factory bought
5000 bushels of potatoes Wednesday.
Wahpeton had three fires last week
and the fire ladies had lots Of exer-
else.
John Mccormick, a Richland county
harvest hand, was found dead in his
bed.
Chief Justice Wallin granted a writ
of error in the Kent case at Fargo.
This postpones the execution from
next Friday until after the hearing in
April.
The Hotel O'Brien at Neche was
opened with a grand ball and supper.
The guests were from all parts Of the
state, and it was the grandest gather
Ing eve held in the valley.
The rumor was current at Fargo that
a general strike would be declared
along the line of the Great Northern
at midnight. A. R. U. officials claim
to have no knowledge of such a move
and discredit the reports.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Possibilities In the Electrical
Future.

A correspondent in the Syracuse
Standard, signing himself "a Dream
err" says: MANY trained electricians
are working to give the world a cheap
and practical storage battery. The
moment this is accomplished what
possibilities are before us! Fancy a
moderatc-sized. windmill in or on the
rear of ones house, when the air is In
motion. hour by hour making and
storing up the subtle fluid to be drawn
on at pleasure. Nothing is too novel
to be expected, or, at least, be posi-
BILE. and that which to-day provokes
our laughter a decade from now may
be part Of our everyday life. AS I
have often said, 1t is one Of my chief
regrets that I could not have come on
earth one generation later"
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
A Deal in Canadian Money.

OA
All through that part Of the country
(Northern Ohio there is a discount of
20 cents on every Canadian dollar. OF
course, Canadian money is not as
much in circulation as is the leEalstau.
der Of the United States, butAfkere
was enough for this purpose. nAA,
advertised in all surrounding country
towns that he would redeem Canadian
money for 80 cents on the dollar. 1t
was some time before he had any re.
suits from this advertising. 1t was
Xix the man who stood on London
bridge at midnight and offered to give
away sovereigns. People laughed at
him. The farmers were shy. They
thought it was a swindling game of
some kind and left him severely alone.
One day a man came in with $40 in
Canadian money. 1t was Of all shapes
and sizes from the scent piece that
looks like a dime to a dollar bill drawn
on the Bank of Montreal. If he had
spent 1t he could have secured So
worth Of goods for it. My man gave
him nine big silver dollars in United
States money for it.
Before the week was out he had ex-
changed United States dollars for $3.50
worth Of Canadian money. This
would give him a profit Of $25 wher-
ever Canada money is as good as our
own. From that time on the business
gradually increased until to-day he
averages about $3.50 per week. In
stead of having farmers come to him
he goes to them and buys their accu-
mulated savings of Canada coin. They
are all his customers and know him
well in the five years they have done
business together.
":Are you not afraid Of competition
In your business in case 1t becomes
generally known?' l asked" said the
drummer.
"'No,' said he, you see. it requires
q comparatively large amount of
money as a starting capital. Then l
have to have men in the frontier cities
who will give me United States money
for my Canada currency. I generally
take a trip twice a year to Detroit,
Cleveland, Chicago and Buffalo, where
1 make these exchanges. All this re-
quires years Of preparation, and no
outsider could step in and make ex-
changes with my patrons, as they
have all the money they can handle
now, even at a 2 per cent commission
on the dollar. Buffalo Express.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
The Broom should HING.

Some OF the dainticst housckcepers
neglect to enforce the rule that Il brush
or broom should. never be stood brush
part down Oh the floor. where the
straws or hair gather dust on damp
ness. Every one OF these articles
should hang from it's W hook. and.
as this is apt to bring the s',ilcd part
against the wall, ii is we'll to stretch
Il breadth of muslin or calico along
the wall from the floor up. 80 that
even the wushbGard is protected from
stain; the muslin, Of course, is washed
whenever necessary. AS all 5rooirS
and brushes are no provided with
Changers" a Yankee woman has III.
vented a cOntrivance which can hv
fitted to any handle. 1t is IL wir" loop
with a string attached. and when the
string once grips the handle the loop
ia ready for use. The invention costs
but Il few cents and is OF real value
in hanging troublesome whisk brOoms.
brushes, umbrellas and the various
imMAdiments which were born to be
hung.-Philadclpl,ia Ledger.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
oct. IN.

Thursday, Oct. IL.
The Lisbon race meeting was a de-
cided success.
Disastrous prairie fires are reported
from Spiritwood.
Burglars went through the Farmers
home at Jamestown.
Caledonia's temperance saloon was
closed up by the sheriff.
Typhoid fever is becoming prevalent
at Wahpeton and vicinity.
A general drouth prevails in blind
pig circles at New Rockford as a re-
suit of a raid last week.
Officers are looking for a Devils
Lake man who rode off with a span of
mules t o which his title was not clear.
The State Bank Of Morton county
evidences good crops were raised over
there, and "%individual deposits pro-
claim Mandan has plenty of "cash on
hand"
William Lock, an old pioneer of the
Missouri slope, pulled a shotgun out
of a wagon muzzle first and received
the charge in his breast, dying in a
few minutes.
A county official in Sargent county
is said to have notified the proprietors
of malt joints that they must keep
only good beer or they will be closed
up.
The First National Bank of Grafton
shows up with over $4,000 in specie.
$4,000 legal tenders and some $4,000
in reserve banks. On a capital Of $780,
900 Cashier Cashel makes a splendid
showing-with 10000 surplus.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
On the Avenue.

Hill-So Miss Beauty is to marry old
Moncyrox, eh:
Horton-Ycs: he was won by a neck.
Hills-HOw 80!
Horton-They say it's the finest one
in the whole particrrc row Mt the
grand opera, and just the thing to
lang his diamonds on.-New York
World.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Bewar. o, o,ntm.nt. for c.tnrrh rh.,

Beware Of Ointments for Catarrh That
Contain Mercury,
AS mercury will surely destroy the
sense of smell and completely derange
the whole system when entering Il
through the mucous surfaces. Such ar.
ticles should never be used except on
prescriptions from reputable physi.
clans, as the damage they will do il ten
fold to the good you can possibly derive
from them. Halls Catarrh Cure, manu-
featured by F. ]. Cheney & Co.. Toledo.
O., contains no mercury, and is taken
blood and mucous surfaces of the sys-
tenn. In buying Halls Catarrh Cure. be
sure you get the genuine. 1t is taken in
ternally, n made in Toledo, Ohio, by
r. j. Cheney & Co. Testimonials free.
Sold by druggists; price, 75c per bot
tie. Halls Family Pills, 25c.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Dear Lilfle Johnny

Little Johnny has been naughty. and
has to be sen from the table without
having any dessert. For an hour he
has been sitting in the corner OF the
crying. At last he thinks 1t time
to stop.
well. I hope you have got done
crying now" says his mothc".
Haven't DONE" says johnny. in a
passion. I'm onlv RESPONSIBILITIES ts.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Tuesday, c -.

- 49,
Pembina has shipped ninety car
loads of wheat this fall.
A new warehouse is being added to
the starch factory properties at Hills
borO.
Portland is to vote upon the question
of building an addition to it's school
house.
\ farm laborer near Grandin had a
bad runaway, sustaining a broken leg
as q result.
Arthur in Cass county expects to
have a tow mill in operation by De-
cember.
At it's recent meeting the Lisbon
Driving association paid off all it's old
debts and came out even to date.
A man and a fifteen-year-old girl are
missing from Pembina and the mother
Of the girl has a warrant out for ab-
ductiOn.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
FRIDAY. Oct, 10.


Prairie fires destroyed thousands Of
dollars worth Of property south Of
Steele. Jacob Partner and his son
were badly burned.
Ed Peterson, p years old and a Sec
ton hand at Andrews station, near
Medora, is insane. He was sent to
the jamestown hospital.
Fire set by a threshing engine de-
stroyed the entire crop, together with
barn, hay and granery, of August No
rum, in Weber township, lee For
man. The loss was $4,000, with no
insurance.
The Cass county commissioners con-
sidered proposals for floating $4,000
Of Cass county bonds, and they were
sold to Martin Hector of Fargo, who
offered q premium Of 1915. The bonds
are issued for the erection of a hos
pital.
Robert Burton was arrested at Far
go by Deputy Sheriff Hanson charged
with blind plugging. The complaint
sional spotter, who was recently ar
rested for attempting to pass counter
felt money.
The North Dakota Milling Associa-
ton case is to be brought before the
public again in the shape Of a suit to
settle the matter of whether the Man
dan attackers are entitled to what
they claim. The testimony in the
case will be heard by ]. A. Montgom-
cry, clerk of the United States court,
acting as master. On next Tuesday
he will take testimony in Mandan,and
from there he will 60 to Fargo, Crook
ston, Moorhead, Fisher and Grand
Forks. The master will present the
testimony to Judge Thomas on Nov.
IL.
One of the worst prairie fires v
known in this country has been raging
north and west Of Cooperstown for
the last two days. The damage will
he great, some farmers losing everJ-
thing and many losing hay and grain.
Most of the damage could have been
prevented by proper fire breaks. Some
ofsthe losers already reported {: r.
G. Cooper, 5000 bushels of wheat in
shock; AL Rinde, IA horses and barn;
j. Detwiler, 1,5OO bushels of wheat; ].
Fosholdt, 1900 bushels Of grain and
four horses; Max Wild. 1900 bushels
of grain; William Arldt, 800 bushels
Of grain; Weston Houghton, 1000
bushels Of wheat; William Koch,
buildings, stock and grain; John Don
aldson, barn, cattle and rs tons Of
hay. Andrew Dahlin, e. NOrdstrum,
William Stevens, j. II. Van Voris and
Olef johnson all lose large quantities
of hay and some grain.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Monday, Oct. Fl.

Pembina has a skating rink under
way.
Stutsman county warrants now sell
at par and buyers are glad to get them.
A large amount of hay and crops
were destroyed by fire near Willow
City, and the man supposed to have
set the fire is under arrest.
Jamestown's curfew ordinance
wouldn't go, and the Alert says the
kids can continue to pass the cops and
tell them they don't hat ter go home"
Larimcre's ann ,al skating rink pro-
.iect has been brought out for inspec-
ton, and they say it's got to go this
time. sure.
Necle is preparing for fire, four large
wells having been put down in differ
cnt parts of the town and a force
pump and 1000 feet Of hose purchased.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Like a yenomou. SERPENT

Hidden in the grass. malaria hut waits our
approach, to spring ut and fasten Its fangs
upon us. There Is, however, Il certain anti
dote to it's venom which renders 1t power
less for evil. Hostetter's Stomach Bitters
Is this acknowledged and world-famed
specific. and it IL. besides this. a thorough
curative for rheumatism, dyspepsia, liver
complaint, constipation. la grippe and
nervousness. In cOnvalescence and age 1t
Is very scrviceable.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
A Rare Woman

Jinks-l never saw Il house where
everything ran so smoothly as at
Broadgrin's. He's got a wife who
knows how to keep servants amused
while she does the work.-New York
Weekly.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
nnck I'm Nonh.a Tine.

"Arc all the animals in" asked
Noah. taking another look ut the baro-
meter.
".All but the leoparls." replied Ham.
land think we have a pair Of them
spotted"
Noah shook his head gloomily and
muttered something about that boy
coming to Il bad cnd."-Cincinnati Iri-
bune.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
His Inference

Mr.. Hogan-Fut's that sound l hear
yer darter Cornelia maxim in the
house beyant?
Mrs. Gilligan (proudly)-Sure. it's
a primy dony she's to be, an .thot's
the trills she do be running fer her vo-
cal culture.
MI. Hogan much relieved)-Arrah,
that all? Sure l fought she wor garg-
lin her t'roatv-Puck.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
And She Believed Hin,

She-I don't e why you will keep
on paying Is cents for cigars when you
can get n just as pretty for five.
Hell know they are Just as pretty
but those five-cent ones are cigars that
have soured. You wouldn't buy sour
ed fruit just because it was cheaper
would you?-Indianapolis Journal.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Safety I'm Numbers.

Stranger-Suppose there should be
an accident on your elevated railroads.
Would it not be terrible?
Mr.. GOtham-Well, / don't know.
The passengers are generally packed
in so tight that only the outside layers
would get hurt.-New York Weekly.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

"Ain't you n Christian scicntnst!"
"Me? Yes"
WELL, can you carry around the
pawn ticket for your overcoat and con-
vince yourself that it is the coat?'-
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

Prof. Haines. Chemist to the Chicago
Board Of Health, says he has found
the Royal Baking Powder the purest
and strongest, and superior to all 9th.
ers in every respect.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
NORTH DAKOTA NEWS
0TERESTIN0 NEWS FROM ALI
PARTS OF THE STATE.

4 Condensed Record OF the Impsr.
tnnt Happenings OF the Wesk IN
North Dakota. Arranged for RaDl0
Reading.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

The Westminster Gazette understands
that no less a sum than 10000 has been
spent upon the forthcoming production Of
Romeo anu Juliet" ut the London Lyceuln.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

Jonn Donnelly, one of the old Billy
Emerson Minstrel company, has been
sent to the asylum for the insane at
Ukiah, Cal.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

Walking would often be u pleasure
were 1t not for the CO rms These pests are easily
removed with Hindercorns. 15c. at druggists.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

Deer shed their horns annually after their
sixth year. The bone weighs from. twenty
to twenty-five pounds.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

Salvation Army, announces that the
big Salvation carnival will be held in
Chicago this year.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

Valuable.
Mrs. Cumso (reading)-A butcher In
Indiana killed a COW and found in her
stomach several hairpins, a thimble,
five screws and a 500 gold piece.
Mr.. Cumso-That bears out exactly
what my uncle Jim used to say.
Mrs. Cumso-What was that?.
Mr.. Cumso-He always contended
that there was money in cows Life.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

For WhooplnE Cough; riso's C : is a
Ave, Brooklyn. II. u. Nov. IA, 'V4.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

The more one uses Parker's Ginger Tonic
the more Its good qualities are REVEALED In dispelling
colds. indigestion, pain and every kind Of weakness.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
A Judicial Temperameut.

A Judicial Temperament.
view of everything; never condemns
any except on the clearcst evil
dence.
Barker-Is that so?
Parker-Yes; I think Jones could lose
an umbrella without concluding that
It had been stolen.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
A Chance for Him.

Goes Cough Balsam
Is the Oldest and hest. 1t will break up . Cold quicker
than anything else. 1t is always reliable. Try It.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

"s;Gppei freely Dr. X lines Crest
Nerve keSlOrer. NJ Fits after the frsi Gays use.
Marvellous cures. Treatise and Sctrial bottle fre. I,
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26

II the Baby IL Cutting Tooth.
Be sure and use that old and well-tried remedy, 4HS.
SOOTHING SYRUP for Children Teethtng.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
HOW 1t Affected Him.

81 see," said Mr.. Jones, that a MAJ
fell from the roof of one Of these
twenty-story buildings down town yes
terday."
"Did it kill him?" placidly inquired
Mrs. Jones.
"Did it? oh, no, no, no! But he
complained for some time afterward
of a slight headache."--New York Rs
,crder.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Wednesday, Oct. TO.

Wednesday,, Oct. 10.
N. p. Nord of Minor will remove ris
jewelry store to Hankinson.
Grand Forks is to have another
building and loan association.
Davenport has incorporated and will
elect municipal officers Oct. %.
Mandan wants a wooden mill, and
certainly is an excellent point for one
-Four threshing outfits were burned
near Crary, and Ben Bert, the owner
Of one of them, was fatally burned.
Miss Lulu Shortridge has accepted
a position as s%tenographer with the
First National Bank of Larimore.
The Grandin farm threshed 373,916
bushels of grain this year-2SO,O3O
bushels of wheat, 1856 bushels of
oats and 22,3o0 bushels of barley.
An extensive prairie fire has been
raging in the northeastern part of
Stutsman county for several days past
and much damage to farm property
has been done.
The funeral of j. J. Bowers was the
largest ever held in Fargo, the cort-
eye being over a mile in length. De-
ceased was prominent in Masonic cir
cles, and services were from the
temple and under the auspices Of the
order. Business was suspended be-
tween 2 and 4 o'clock.
At the meeting of the North Dakota
synod of the Presbyterian church at
jamestown a committee of three was
appointed to make arrangements for
the opening at the earliest possible
date of the Presbyterian college To-
Gated there. The institution has been
closed for a number of years. 1t is a
costly building. 1t is proposed to re-
open it rs an academy or preparatory
school.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Valuable,

"Hanson's Magic Corn Salve."
to cure or money refunded. Ask your
sYist for It. Price Is cents.
The Washburn leader. [volume] (Washburn, McLean County, N.D.) 1890-1986, 1895-10-26
Saturday, Oct. 10.

Kent still takes 1t easy and appears
as Jolly and hopeful as can be.
George Bjorneby, an engineer, was
badly burned neal Grafton.
Cavaliers court house 10 accepted