Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-04-22
JUST FOR FUN.


theory of evolution ?" She-(the
hopeless parvenuD "No. What are
the subscription rates ?''
"Did Alfred show you the picture
he painted for this exhibition?'
eyes" ''Do you think it deserved to
be hung?" ''No. think it should be
burned
Fred-"What do you think of my
argument? y Will" Sound, most
certainly sound.'' Fred-"And what
else? ~" ill-''Nothing else,
ly sound"
A little three year old, looking out
of the window the other day, called
out eagerly; ooh, see, see! There's
the letter man coming with his hot
water bag"
Scientist Cat railroad restaurant)-
'EDo you know, sir, that rapid eating
is slow suicide?" Drummer-"It may
be; but on this road slow eating is
starvation.''
Wife-"How people gaze at my
new dress! I presume they wonder
if 1 have been shopping in Paris.
Husband-"M More likely they wonder
if 1 have been robbing a bank"
eTalk is cheap" observed the man
who believes in proverbs. ''Humph!"
replied the man who doesn't. "That
remark shows thot you never hired a
lawyer or rented telephone"
Proud Father-"That is a sunset
my daughter painted. She studied
painting abroad, you know" Friend
"Ah! that explains it. I never saw
sunset like that in this country"
He-stI wonder when you will be
able to set as good a table as my
mother does?'' She-'' BY the time
you are able to provide as good a
table as your father does, my dear"
Boston Girl-"Do you society
women eat many CLANS? Gotham
Maiden-"No. I've danced and flirt
ed with no end of them, but I've
never eaten any-that is to know it,"
A book agent attempted to sell q
Frankford politician an encyclo-
paedia. /" Cyclopaedia? y exclaimed
the frankfort man. ono, [ don't
want it, Wouldn't have time to ride
it.''
'I thought you advertised a fine
echo here? " said the tourist g i've
yelled here for half an hour, but it
doesn't answer" FNo,' said the pro-
prietor ''Fact is, it is off on vaca-
tion.'
Eager Maiden-'EWen, Reginald,
what did papa say?" Rejected Suitor
(about to depart } cit cannot be ex-
pressed in words. All that can tell
you is that his answer gave me great
pain"
Irate Visitor after few remarks)-
"Well, I don't want anybody to lie
about me, and I won't have it."
Editor (appealingly )-"How do you
expect to have any compliments paid
you then"
DR.. Edward Everett Hale, who has
sounded so often the praises of sleep,
had been giving throughout the West
a lecture on sleep, with illustrations
by the audience.
81 understand that the new record
er in New York is a first rate lawyer.
But does he know anything about
political economy?" "Does he! Well
I should say SO. His election cost
him only seventy five cents.'
Bob-'What did the lecturer say
when you threw those cabbages at
him?" Dick-"Oh, he said he had
hoped that the audience would be
pleased, but he hadn't expected they
would entirely lose their heads"
ooh, Of course" said the old man,
81 don't blame you for taking the
boys part,-it is just like a boys
mother to do SO. But I'd think
heap more of him if there were less
point to his shoes and more to his
conversation"
ssIt is wonderful what progress has
been made in the way of machinery"
remarked Mr.. Figg. 81 see that.there
has been a machine invented that
can make a complete pair Of shoes in
sixteen minutes. Why, that is even
faster than Tommy can wear them
out.D
On one occasion a person who
wished to have little fun at the ex-
pense of his constituency said in
group where Horace Greeley was
standing: "Mr. Greeley and I, gentle
men, are old friends. We have drunk
a good deal of brandy and water to-