davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
Flotsam and Jetsam.

do you go to church to hear the ser
mon or the music, Maud?" 81 go for
the hlms," said Maude.-Harper's Ba-
gar.
Hollow we'll Miss Elderberry car
ries her age! She-But then she has be-
come so accustomed to it, you know
Boston Transcript
"And, papa, what did grandfather do
for his country" Nothing whatever.
my son. He was member or con-
gress!'-Atlanta Constitution.
She-Papa has been saying that you
stay too long when you call on me.
He-All right. / will not come so early
after this.-Indianapolis Journal.
my furnace" said the man who keeps
house, lis out Of sight" $50 is mine"
replied another "out of anthracite. -
Washington Star.
Beware of the viddesz samivel,"
said old Weller. VERY good. old
man." returned Samuel. "Tll never
have one IL / can help it."-Harper' 8
Bazaar.
He-You may talk. but you would
have been mad enough had / married
anybody else. She-Yes; anybody /
cared anything about.-Boston Tran
script.
Mr.. Newcome-What is the latest at
the opera? Miss Wagner-For the last
three nights it has been young Mrs.
Felix in her latest Partisan gown.--New
York Ledger.
Cant you manage to get up some
| thing new to attract people here" II
have 1t. Wen advertise that Trilby
will not be among the living pictures
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
She-Why, this Is only thirty-two
inches, and you advertise 1t as yard
wide. Three feet make yard. Cal
liant Salesman-Not such feet as yours
lady.--Boston Transcript.
There's a good deal that Is swell
about Cholly Cadkins," said one girl
yes replied the other; the only
trouble Is that most Of 1t has gone ia
his head. "-Washington Star.
Traveller dnquiring at famous castlei
Can / see the antiquities to-day? Ser
vant-I am afraid not, sir. My lady
and her daughter have gone to town.
Household Words.
II saw De Castro, the magician, make
a $40 gold piece disappear in three min
utes." That's nothing. You ought to
see my wife with $40 bill at church
bazaar."-Atlanta Constitution.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
FLOTSAM.

A white marble swimming bath, forty
by twenty feet and nine feet in depth.
Is to be constructed for the Russian en-
press In the palace at st. Petersburg.
She likes to take a plunge every morn
ing.
gentleman who recently died In
Vienna, at the age of 70, had been
smoker since he was II. During that
time he had smoked 32S,713 cigars, 49,
639 of which were gifts. Those he paid
for cost him $12,500
In some of the Louisiana towns
tramps are arrested and set at work
cleaning the streets. This treatment
terrifles the tramps; they flee at the first
opportunity, and exclaim, THE country
is going to the dogsp
John Best was repairing the paddle
wheel OF ferry boat at Dover, KY,
when the engineer thoughtlessly set
the engine in motion. John stuck to
the revolving wheel, and received four
plunges In the ice cold water.
A Newark. N. j., policeman has con-
centrated upon himself the ridicule OF
his associates because he discovered
two dogs fighting in the street and ar
rested the aggressor, and actually
locked the animal in cell at the station
house.
A pious gentleman was at a prayer
meeting in a Hutchinson, Kan, church.
and was saying, "Oh, how good l feel
to be here!" A couple of rogues out
side thought, "Oh, how glad we are
that he's in therev' and they stole his
horse and wagon.
An old bank book was found by
New York widow, in which was one
deposit of S. which had been made by
her husband in the year 1920. She made
claim at the bank, and received the
principal and accumulated interest.
amounting to SPAS.
The first great boxing matches were
instituted GIT b. c., by Lucius Tarqui-
MUS. the fifth king of Rome. They
were varied with sham fights, wrest-
ling contests, and other physical exer-
cises. The boxers sometimes fought
with gloves in whicA lead had been
sewed.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
An Old shippers Yarn.

Down on the Battery the other day
they were talking about a schooner that
had been struck by lightning, when the
reporter singled out an old mariner and
said:
Captain H, 1t seems to me I've
read or heard of your being struck"
Yes, she was" answered the old
yarn-spinner.
Where was it?"
"Off Point Aux Barques, about fifteen
years ago. Very strange case that
Probably the only one of the kind ever
heard Of"
"Give us the particulars"
well, we were jogging along down
when a thunderstorm overlook us, and
the first flash of lightning struck the
deck amidships and bored a hole as
big as my leg right down through the
bottom"
And she foundered, Of course"
mo, sir. The water began rushing
in, and she would have foundered, but
there came a second flash and a bolt
struck my fore topgallant mast. 1t was
cut off near the top, turned bottom end
up, and as 1t came down it entered
the hole and plugged 1t up as tight
as a drum. When we got down to dry
dock we simply sawed off either end and
left the plug in the planks. Texas
Siftings.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
SELECTED Pleasantrles.

Clara-I wonder IL 1t Is true that one
is likely to catch something from being
kissed?
MaudeIOf course not. You've been
kissed enough, but you haven't caught
anything yet, have you?-New York
Herald
Windy-You don't seem to bother
much about your failure in business.
Broken Trader-Im letting the fellows
that / owe take q dose of a bother
Chicago Times Herald.
Shop Assistant-Really. madame,
that white feather in your hat makes
you look ten years younger. Old Maid
is that SO? Then give me another
Tid-Bits.
Willie Dazzle-Weally, Miss Black,
dawnced so vigorously in that last
waltz that my head feels dwedfully
light. Miss B.-That's startling. / sup
posed that sensation was so common
with you that you had long since ceased
to be annoyed by it.-Pittsburg Dis
patch.
yes" remarked Mrs. Malaprop, cit
was a great sight. First came the king,
carrying a sceptic in his hand and
wearing a beautiful red mantle all
trimmed with vermin. 1t was a grand
ht."-Truth.
I'm de case of de trusted employee"
said Uncle Eben, you KANT allus
jedge by appearances. But yoh is some
times 'bliged ter fohm berry positive
conclusions by disappearance
washington Star.
Ada (pensively)-I hope you'll invite
me to the wedding when you get mar
ried Jack (boldly)-I'll invite you the
first one. and If you don't accept there
won't be any wedding.-Life.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
Tommy Asks Questions.

Mamma said Tommy McSwilligen
in his earnest manner.
"Well, Tommy"
did papa create moths?"
"Now what on earth put such a pre-
posterous idea as that in your mind?''
But mamma, amt moths the little
flies that get in your furs?"
Eyes, but what has that to do with
your papa's creating them?"
why, heard you tell Mrs. Squildig
that when papa heard how much your
new dress cost he made the fur fly
Cleveland Plaindealer
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
In the "sweet Sunny South.

Eyes, sir. this here's the sunny south
you're right in the middle of it now
Fine weather, eh?"
BEST in the world, sir. Over yam
der's Snow mountain, down thar's Biz
card valley, yander's ice river, an jest
a leetle to the left Is Skatin' bay. Kin
I sell you q load of lightwood an a
pair of skates?"-Atlanta Constitution
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
A Question of Color,

Sam Johnsing-Has yer lubly darter
Matildy made her deboo?
Mrs. Crow-Not yet, Mr.. Johnsing.
Oats a great pity. SIGH a lubly
flower was not born ter blush unseen
and waste her fragrance on de desert
ar" H
"She can't blush any odder way. 'cept
unseen, she am so dark Completed,
but her sister Mollie am several shades
lighter. You can see her blush almost
cherry day."-Ex.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
Reform Is Needed.

Sir Isaac Pitman is still earnest in his
desire for reformed" English ortho-
graphy. This is the kind of spelling
culled from his recent views on the
subject-he would like to see universal
ly adopted: IT du not no wun professor
ov Iangwej, etimoloji, or filoloji. in aul
the yuniversitiz ov Great Britain, Ire
land, Canada and the United States,
hu duz not favor spelling reform"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16

She took him up so gently,
And with such charming air,
His china soul was melted quite,
And loved her to despair.
All day he sat and thought of her,
Until the twilight came,
And in his china dreams at night
He breathed her little name d.
One day whilst being busted,
In his joy he trembled so,
To feel her little fingers, that,
Alas! she let him go.
In vain she tried to grab him back,
Fate willed it they should part;
He fell against the fender edge
And broke his little heart.
She gathered up his fragments,
And she told little lie,
EXpounding to her mistress how
The cat had made him die.
And on the following morning, whei
The shutters back she thrust,
She spoke his little epitaph-
There's one thing less to dust"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
nruslc. Heavenly NTaid.

Hostess-Won't you play something
for us, Miss Keynote?
Gifted Amateur-Certainly. IL It Is
your desire. What would you prefer?
Hostess-Oh. anything, only so it isn't
loud enough to interfere with the con-
versation.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
IooIcal Tommy,

Mother-If you are not good, Tommy,
papa won't kiss you any more.
Tommy-Yes, papa will kiss me If I'm
not good. You said the cook was no
good and papa kissed her when you
were away yesterday.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
Uncomfortable Meals.

Mrs Mugg-So you're not going to
Mrs. Lugg's party?
Mrs. Pugg-No. I'm not. When sup
per comes, she always tells about lot
of nice things she intended to get. but
couldn't.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
A Dangerous Player.

Jack Potts-I should not care to play
poker with Cheiro.
Luke PleaSant-Why not?
Jack Potts-He knows too much about
hands
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
Fashionable philanthropy.

Englishman-Why is 1t you Hameri-
cans copy the Hinglish?
American--We are in hopes you
Englishmen will see how 1t looks, and
get Disguised with yourselves.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16

"They are getting up a subscription
for the benefit of the poor-how much
will you subscriber" asked Russell
Gage of Pete Amsterdam.
Gust as much as you do"
"Oh, you are hard-hearted wretch"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16

The Law OF Nature Defied
Methinks 1t is the only bird
That lives without a flock;
No sleep, no food. no home 1t needs.
He is the--weather-cock.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
OUR WIT AND HUMOR.
CURRENT SAYINGS AND DO
INCS OF FUNNY FOLK.
"Ther's One Thing Less to Dust"-A
Hard Hearted OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES of
Habit Illustrated I'm a Church--Flotsam
and Jetsam from the Tide

LITTLE CHINA
figure
On a little bracll-
ct sat,
His little feet were
always crossed,
He wore a little
hat.
And every morn
ing. fair or foul.
In shine or sha-
dows dim,
A pretty little
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
A He Inferred 1t.

Gladys Heer-Mrs. Strongmynd was
awful mad to-day on the street-cars.
she sat down on that old muff of hers
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
THE TALMAGE SERMON
INSTRUCTIVE TALK FOR THE
YOUNG MEN.
Answering a Communication from Fay
ette, Ohio, He Tells of the PitfalIr
That Yawn for the Youth OF Gus
Land.

EW YORK, MAY
II, 1S95.-In his au-
diences a t t h e
Academy of Music,
DR.. Talmage meets
many hundreds of
young men, from
different parts of
the union, and rep
resenting almost
every calling and
profession in life.
To fhoy,, ha Cnapia l.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16

Tom Bigbee Gnterrupting)--Yes; It's
shame the way she treats her hus-
band, poor DEVIL
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
TATE.
KEPT
kf the ADJ
the Vic
Ppean Al

Francisco,
Fly igno-
in store
pit to re-
fortune.
e hostile
any and
Europe
an have
bis coun-
hnd Enay
|nne time
|, but the
bat pow
hpan of
by Chi
ny out
|nounce-
IA April
nperor's
to con-
The san
+ junior
hope Of
Toxic
gn min
on that,
lem the
hcerned,
+ facts. \
yet OBJ
bet, but
vague
popu-
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16
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Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16

Canal
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Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16

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Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-05-16

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St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1895-09-28

I had few hot words with Joe, and
finally left the creek without a diver,
determined to try to dive myself.
To describe my feelings as I sank
rapidly to the bottom l should have
had photograph. for l yelled all the
way down. In the first place the pain
in my ears caused by the unusual pres
sure of air in my eardrums, was cxcru-
ciating. and in the second place l lost
my hold of the rope and literally
tumblcd down.
1 remember tumbling one graceful
somersault on the way. and wondering
how far it was to the bottom. Tortu-
nately, like a good acrobat, ! landed on
my feet. Instantly all pain stopped. and
I looked around with eager curiosity.
From the monotony of sea and sky
above / had dropped through a few
fathoms of crystal water into the gar
dens of a summer sea, where coral and
sponge growths, flowers and ferns,
shells and sea fans in curious forms aSd
vivid colors lay undi-turbed by storms,
and made very fairyland. 1t was like
q page from the ARABIAN Nights"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1895-09-28
KANSAS chINcH BUGS.
A Simple and Inexpensive Way Of Fight.
ing the Test.

A simple and Inexpensive Way Of Fight.
ing the Test.
A Kansas agricultural correspondent
says that he has just saved 65 acres
of splendid corn from the ravages Of
the chinch bug by a very simple and
inexpensive expedient. On the east of
his cOrnfield, and separated from it by
a 16-foot lane, was a wheat field Of A6
acres. Twoor three days befora cutting
he mixed salt and coal oil in vessel,
putting from one-half pint to sne OF
coal oil to one-half bushel of salt. He
then made line with this salt the whole
width of the cornfield 90 rods) through
the center of the 16-fOot lane. The
line of salt was about inches wide at
the base. He then bored holes with .
post auger about 3 rods apart, to q
depth of about inches or foot The
top of each hole was trimmed with a
knife leaving the mouth Of the hole
funnel-shaped aud smooth. AS sooE
as the wheat was cut, about q quart of
water was poured into each hole. and
topped with a small quantity Of coal
oil. The holes were on the side next
W tuc Wuc0b ucIu, 0uu ClOSC W INC
salt line. As soon IS the bugs meet
the salt line they follow il each way
until they come to the holes, into
which they tumble by the Thousand. As
the successful experimcnter with this
simple trap describes it: They don't
crawl in the hole, but rs soon as they
strike the smooth surface at the top
they lose their first hold and roll over;
and IS there is . constant pressure
from the enormous line toward the
hole, they look like wheat going into
a hopper as they pour over the brink"
A boy should be in attendance on the
line, to dip out the dead bugs before
the hole becomes too full. and to re-
plenish the water and coal oil in the
holes when necessary. A little coal oil
should be poured on the line once q
day, and the line should be remade
after each rain. The mouth of the
hole should be kept smooth. If it is
dry and cracked. handful of dust
should be sprinkled around the edges
occasionally. The bugs cannot cling
to it., and tumble in as soon as they
t0ueh IL
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1895-09-28
UNDERNEATH THE SEA
4 Professisoal Divers First Trip In Scar
Of Pearls.

a Professisoal Divers First Trip In SsaEe1
Of PeafaA
Pearl fishing means not only fishing
for pearls, but also for the mothcr-of-
pearl shells In which they are found.
The shells, which are worth about fifty
cents each in the London market, arc
really the principal source of the pearl
divers income, says = writer in the
Youths Companion.
Not many years ago fortune and
little bark named the Day Dawn strand
ed me in the almost unknown port Of
Cossack. at that time the headquarters
of the pcarling fleet. It was here that
/ first became interested in pearl div
ing. and finally deci.ted to enter tho
business.
In Cossack I bought \ smart seven
ton lugger called the Vera. put aboard
her six months provisions, secured
good crew, hoisted the sails of my little
craft and steered for the pcarlins
grounds, two hundred miles to tho
northward. Having no knowledge Of
diving, hired regular diver-a white
man. known as ''Cockncy joe" With
in three days we dropped our anchor
amid the pearling fleet.
Let me picture this place to you
Hundreds Of miles from the abode OF
white men stretches long, sandy
coast, almost destitute of animal life
or vegetation. To the south and east
is one vast yellow desert; to the north
and west roll the blue waters of tho
Indian ocean. Beyond that sand
roams the wild bushman of Australia;
beneath the sea sweeps the savage tim
torea-the man-eating shark of the
orient-and in depths are sought the
pearls for future diadems.
For a week all went well-we werc
on a good patch" and Joe was send
ing up many shells. Then. to my dis
msy, the Vera began to leak so badly
that we were obliged to run into tho
nearest creek for repairs. It was q
fortnight before we were ready to sail
again, and in the meantime Joe took
to drinking.
The high tide upon which the Vera
was to float out of the creek crcpt
over the twisted roots of the man.
groves. l called to Joe, who was
ashore, to hurry up;" but, to my sur
prise, he refused point blank. Know
ing that l could do nothing without
him, he coolly told me he wanted few
days more to finish his spree. With
expenses going on and nothing coming
in, l was anxious to get to work again.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1895-09-28
CHICKEN CHOLERA.


When Fowls Are Properly Handled Thu
Disease Rarely Appears.
We have no confidence in remedies
prevention is the only thing that can
be done. When cholera breaks out
among the fowls the first thing to be
done is to separate the sick from the
we'll fowls At once give q change Of
food, which should be of q nourishing
character. Many writer's believe in
giving iron in some form. The old
method was to put rusty nails in the
drinking water. English poultrymen
use what is known q Douglas Mix
ture." This can be made by putting
eight ounces of sulphate of iron (also
called copperxs or green vitrioD into .
jug tnever use a metallic vesscD with
two gallons of water. adding one ounce
of sulph,irie acid foil of vitriol). The
ingredients can be obtained of any
druggist This medicine is to he put
in the drinking water in the proper
ton of . teaspoonful to . pint, and is
found to be a useful tonic As soon Is
the disease breaks out give this to tho
sick fowls. and also to the we'll ones to
help then to resist the disease.
One writer says that he made satu-
rated solution Of alum. and whenever >
bird was attacked gave it two or
three tesspoonfuls, repeating the dose
next day. He mixed their feed. Indian
meal, with alum water for q week.
After adopting that course he lost no
sowls. Others advocate cayenne pep
per, gunpowder and turpentine, feed.
ing . little every day for week.
Fowls that are we'll fed. we'll housed
and vel! kept in . dry place will sell
dom have cholera In fact We do not
know tba& they ever have itWhen prop
eely Rural Life.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1895-09-28
SOME PECULIAR PETS.

4 Flcrce-Loosily Lion II the Mascot Of
French Regiment.
In Algeria, North Africa, the officers
Of the Third C:,asseurs d'Afriquc have
pet lion which they took. when very
young. from the African desert. 1t is
great pet and very gentle. AS rule
it lies outside the officers mess on the
vcranda, and looks just like an arti-
fetal one. Many have been the visitors
who took to flight on beholding his
majesty rise to greet his guests The
lion by way of assuring them that he
was harmless, or perhaps as a sign OF
his dsapproval of their impolitc actions,
would generally send o gentle roar after
them, which, instead Of having the de-
sired effect Of recalling them, would
make them increase their pace, II it
were possible to do so.
In the British army several regi-
ments have pets For instance, the
Twcnty-third Welsh Eusileers have q
pet goat that marches in front of the
regiment. The Sevcnty-fourth Highland
infantry. the Seventy-eighth Seaport
Highlanders and other corps have pet
deer that also march in front.
In India the soldiers make many pets,
such as monkeys, parrots, owls, crows,
hawks and squirrels, but their greatest
pet is the minot, n bird like startling.
but larger. This bird, after having its
tongue split, will talk quite well, and
will follow its master about constantly.
Often it will follow a dragon regiment
for four or five miles on a field day,
and will fly round and round the regi-
mcnt until he finds his master, on whose
shoulders he will settle, even though the
horses are going along at full gallop.
A trooper in the Cape Mounted rides
in South Africa had green water
snake for pet, which would follow its
master through the grass to the river
and 90 in bathing with him. The
trooper, who was an expert swimmer,
would worry the snake by diving under
water and coming up dozen yards
away. He fed it on frogs. raw meat
and little fish. 1t slept in his jack boot
at night. He, however, was not
doomed to have it long, as before he
had it quite five months hawk car.
ried it of before anybody could rescue
the poor little thing.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1895-09-28
CLEANING CLOTHES.

How . Coat and Trousers Can BE Re-
newed Time and Again.
The chemistry of cleaning clothes is
set forth in q scientific magazine, and,
while women will care little for the
technical part Of the operation, the
story Of the actual process suggests o
useful modus operandi. Take. for in
stance, says the American Analyst, q
shiny old coat, vest or pair Of trousers
Of black broadcloth, cashmere or
diagonal. The scourer makes strong,
warm soapsuds and plunges the gar
ment into It, souses it up and down,
rubs the dirty places, and, if necessary,
puts it through a second time, then
rinses it through several waters, and
hangs it up to dry on the line. When
nearly dry he takes it in, rolls it up for
IN hour or two, and then presses it.
An old cotton cloth is laid on the out
side Of the coat, and the iron is pressed
over that until the wrinkles are out,
but the iron is removed before tho
steam ceases to rise from the goods,
else they would be shiny.
Wrinkles that are obstinate are re-
by laying a wet cloth over them
and pressing the iron over that. II
any shiny places are seen, they are
treated as the wrinkles are-the iron is
lifted while the full cloud Of steam
rises up, and brings the nap with it.
Cloths should always have suds made
for them, as in that which
has been used for white cotton or
cloths lint will be left in the
water, and will cling to the cloth.
In this manner the same coat and
time again, and have all the look and
feel of new garments. Good broad
cloth and its fellow cloths will bear
many washings, and look better every
time because Of them.