The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-12-27
AT THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
The Hon. Whyfore ia ckson Discusses
the ssF1uman Man,
AFTER PUTTING THE QUESTION


was, therefore. greatly surprised to hear
the president announce at the opening
of the Saturday night meeting that the
distinguished visitor would consume the
evening in delivering his world renown-
ed lecture on the subject of Human
Man.
AS coon as the meeting had been duly
opened Giveadam Jones and Waydown
Bebee escorted the orator into the hall
He looked to be short, fat, one story
man of faded raspberry color, but he
had the dignity of a man who knows
that he has So in cash in his pocket and
his board paid in advance, and no visible
signs of embarrassment were apparent
as he surveyed the audience before him
and began:
My frens, dc subjick of my orashun
tonight is Human Man. 1t is an ora
shun dat erected myself, widout any
help. I didn't steal it from Shakes
peare, an didn It hire no white man to
write it. [Sensation. was ober ten
vars gittin dis orashun together. I
went slow an sure. I didn't propose to
fall into any mistakes. knowed dere
was heap to talk about, an wanted
to git it all in whar it belonged. will
now purceed:
Mani Who an what is man? What
was man created fur? Why was he Gre
ated in de form of a man instead of q
hyena? What use is he? What was he
bon fur? In seekin to answer desc ques-
huns, my frens, you insensibly find
yourselves delving into de regions Of
philosopy an follerin de unknown paths
II i
was de use of all dis world widout man?
1t would simply be SO much land an wa
ter gwine to waste. [Cries of ''Hearl
Hearth S'pose'n all desc yere rabbits an
possums an chickens war runnin around
widout anybody to make use of 'em-
what shameful waste of meat it would
bel [Groans. OATS one reason man
was put yere--to eat chickens an SIGH.
['Yum, yumP'l
what is mani" continued the speak
er, as he shifted his weight to his left
leg. Hes a substance composed of
skin, blood, bones, teeth, toe nails,
brains, sa'r, an SO on. He was created
fust, an out Of de best goods in de mar
ket. Dat s de reason he's a heap purifier
dan a dog or cat. Sensation. If he
hud happened to hev been created along
about fifth or sixth, he might new bin a
grounding or whale. Involuntary
shivers. Oar ar seberal different sorts
of men, as moas' of you probably know.
Dey WASH It all made of dc same color
nor in de same shape, kase dat would
hev bin monotonous. It would hev tried
do eye, same as lookin at a flock of
white sheep. Oar am no sort Of quesh-
IN in my mind dat black used to be de
moas' popular color in de beginnin of
things [''Heari Hear pr, but de white
man fo'ced his way in an got hisself
boosted up to de top by some sort of
gum game. [Growls and mutterings.
Ibid you cher stop to think why man
didn't grow to be ten feet high an to
weigh a ton? You probably neber did,
an yit de explanashuns ar right to
hand. If he was ten or 'leven feet high,
he couIdn t walk around no back yard
widout sawin his neck on a clothesline,
an if he weighed ton, an de roof of his
henhouse sprung a leak, how'd he cher
git up dar to fix it? [Great sensation.
Man was bon to walk uprightly. Why
wasn't he bon to go on four legs like a
dog? Dis philosophical queshun proba-
bly, neber occurred to your intelleck,
but de reason is plain. You couldn't hev
crowded ober ten of him into a street
kyar to once. [Cries of "A-h-hWl
The speaker here paused to wipe his
heated brew and moisten his throat with
| q potash tablet, and after "a brief rest
continued:
"While man is de highest order of
creashun be has at de same time got de
moas' low down traits Of character
about him. While on my way from
! Canada some man stole my umbrella
from under my very nose decided SEN
sationl, an on two odder occashuns eff
forts war made to despoil me of my
satchel. Dat was de work of man.
| Would de lion, de tiger, de elephant or
| de grizzly bar descend to SIGH petty
meanness? Cries of "Nol neverP'l
Wolves lib together in harmony, but
man is allus in fuss. De hyena knows
when he's got a good thing, but man is
/ allus wantin better. Take an old hose
or a mew1, an you kin depend upon
him cherry day il de week. Take de av-
erage man, an you needn't expect to
| find him twice alike de same day. Zap
plause from Elder Toots, which was
broken short off by Giveadam Jones Civ
ing him kick OF what use is man?
He thinks he's a heap of use, but he's
| dun mistaken bout dat. De world was
heah befo' he cum. 1t would hev bin
right heah now if nobody had cher bin
bon. Man jist comes, sloshes around,
kicks up dust an departs, an de black
berry crop of de next var is iist as large
as if he had hbed on. samuel Shin
sheds tears.
''My frens,'' continued the orator as
he frightened his left suspender by an
inch, imam is pore. useless, misguided
critter. He's generous one day an stingy
de next. He's way up on de pinnacle
of greatness at 10 o'clock in de mawnin,
an at in de afternoon he'll dodge
around a corner to git shet of givin a
blind man cent. [Cries of THAT'S so,
old manp'l One day he'll put his'hand