Crawford avalanche., 1895-05-23
sprinkIes Of Spice.
n order to reduce his weight

]. He purchased him a wheel:
Before he'd ridden 1t week
He fell or good deal.
kansas City Journal.
The plumber now steps down to mako
room for the milliner.-Ph Philadelphia
! Record.
Miss Oldun-"I'd like to see any man
alive kiss mev' Mr.. Sharp-T guess
you would."-Yonkers Statesman.
Robbins-"Higbee is genius" Brad
ford-"Can do anything, supposed"
Robbins-"Yes, anything but make .
living"
Beggar-"Ach, my dear sir. I have
lost my leg" Gentleman-"very sorry.
/ haven't seen it anywhere about
Wiener Luft.
Some women are so ill-mannered as
to go right into store and try to inter-
rupt a conversation between the clerks.
Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
"How is 1t that you are still a bache-
lorY' inquired Gags. IL don't know"
said Taggs, unless it's because l never
married. d."-Philadelphia Inquirer.
Nervous employer-"I don't pay you
for whisting." Office hoy-"That's all
right, sir. / can't whistle well enough
yet to charge extra for it."-Truth.
She-"No, Mr.. Blunnderre, 1 cannot
entertain your proposal. The truth is
/ am engaged to marry your father"
He-"Why, the old idiot!'-Indianapo
lis Journal.
"What do you think Of the financial
question, major?" ITS ahead Of me.
sir. The fellow who borrowed my last
dollar left town last night. Atlanta
Constitution.
He (resuming his seat after a brief
visit Outside)-"What an atmosphere
of realism there is about this play"
She-"Yes. Smells like cloyes."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Mother-"You are at the foot of the
spelling class again, are yOu? Boy
''Yes'm." Mother-"How did that hap
penT" Boy-"Got too many rs in
scissors. ."-Tid-Bits.
'Why, she actually cut Mr.. Storfing-
ton, and Storfiington, you know, is one
Of the better sort" "Yes; choice cuts
come high now, but we must have 'em."
Boston Transcript.
He'll soon be here-the fellow who
Asks II it's warm enough for you;
And likewise he-which is much worse
Who jokes about him in bad verse.
kansas City Journal.
Jack Borrowit-'I woke last night
and found a burglar in my ROOM"
George Genrus-"Well! Well! Did you
succeed in borrowing anything from
him?"-New York Weekly.
That's about as crooked a piece Of
work as / ever saw" mused Uncle
Allen Sporks, looking at the track the
| lightning had made on the body of the
big tree.-Chicago Tribune.
(which Is my part in this duet?"
asked the prima donna of her husband,
who was tenor. "Your part? Here it
| Is, of course. The one with the last
word in it."-London Punch.
Hoax-"Have you seen D'Auber's
new painting? He calls 1t Friend
less" Joax-"Yes; it's remarkably
realistic. understand n baseball um-
pire posed for m."-Philadelphia Rec
ord.
"Have you heard that the big sleeves
are going out, George, dear?" Yes, my
love, l have, but / don't believe it."
"Why not, prayT" IL don't believe they
can get through the door."-Harper's
Bazaar.
Mr.. Dunn UNPAID bill in his hand)--
When shall 1 call again, Mr.. Owens?
Mr.. Owens-Well. it would hardly be
proper for you to call again until
have returned the present call.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Doesn't Mrs. Nsowoman strike you
as a person Of remarkably decided opin-
ions?" NAV. She can't make up her
mind. apparently, whether she wants
to be gentleman or a Indian
apolis Journal
He-"Wasn't Browns wife named
Stone before she was married" She
"Yes, and it was a very suitable name"
He--"What do you mean" She-"Oh,
nothing! Only she threw herself at
his head."-Life.
Fozzleton-Every time you measure
me for pair of trousers you measure
me a little short. Tailor-That isn't
my fault. Fozzleton-Why not? Tail
or-Because you always come in that
way.--Brooklyn Eagle.
81 want to see big, roomy fat" ex-
claimed the pompOus man, as he strobe
into the real estate agents office, 'and
I'm in a hurry, too" You'll find a
mirror In the washroom," replied the
clerk, politely.-Chicago Post.
Dauber-I heard fine compliment
paid to my painting of "Mephistophe-
les" to-day. Critique-What was that?
Dauber-A fellow looked at 1t for
while and said: "Well. that looks like
the devil" iL"-Philadelphia Record.
"Married!'' sighed the elderly friend.
married and with no provisions for
the future" "No." smilingly chirped
the young bride, ''there are no provis-
ions for the future. in the house. Ho
Just detests canned goods
oils Journal. tts
A little girl was overheard talking to
her doll, whose arm had come of, expos
ing the sawdust stuffing. ''You dear,
good, obedient dolly. l knew l had
told you to chew your food fine. but
didn't think you would chew 1t so fino
as at"-Philadelphia Inquirer.
-------=-=
Beat Dumas on Remuneration.
Alexander Dumas was much addict
ed to boasting of the high fees he re-