Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1895-08-10
CROSSROADS LOGIC.
AN OLD LETTER FROM PETROLEUM
V. MASSEY.

Cheap Money wouldn't Buy More Wits
ky-How Bascom Would Equalize Mat
ters-The Corners Could Stand Diluted
Currency, but Not Weak Liquor.
CONFEDERATE X ROADS
(Which is in the state Of kentucky,
Jan. %, 1878.
amt so certain that want the sill
yer bill to pass az / wuz. The fact is,
the thing don't work ez I s'posed it
wood, and / amt clear on to it. There
is suttle principles in these fnanshel
questions W 'ich requires a great deel nv
thought, and there is underlyin prin-
ciples itch man has got to understand
afore he is competent to set hissef up
ez authority
One thing I am certain uv-Bascom
amt no finanseer, nor never will be,
and I told him so.
'W'at is 11nanseer?" asked he
"a finanseer," sed I, assoomin the
look of Dan'l Webster, sis man witch
kin pay his debts with nothin--a man
witch kin gitsuthin with nothin.
1.-THE Corners, then, is full of fnan-
seers," he remarkt bitterly, castin a
casual glance at his slate witch wuz jigt
full enu1f to turn over and begin on the
t'other side
But he hezn't any nv the science nv
it. wuz argooin with him the other
day in favor nv my noshun nv leather
currency, though told him silver wuz
much the same thing, and, for example,
would assoom that silver WIZ to be
the currency NV the fucher.
''Now, don't you see, Bascom, that eff
I he'd twict ez much money, / Good
drink twict ez much whisky and pay
for it?'
"How much is twice nothin?" wuz
the unfeelin anser nv the tyrant who
holds the destinies nv the Corners in his
hands. 'That's W at your capitle hez bin
ever sence I knowd you.
"Parson," sed he, 81 don't see W at
earthly difference it's goin to make
whether silver is currency or anything
else. How are you a-goin to git silver eff
it is made legal tender? IF silver wuz
ez plenty ez bricks, wat hev you got to
git any NV it WITH"
"Troo, G. W" wuz my anser,
"but can't 700 see that to hey silver
wood relieve the dettor class? Even
now. afore it is legal tender, it's only
with 90 cents on the dollar, and when
the country is flooded with it it will go
still lower. Then we, Or rather SIGH nv
us ez hev property to raise money on,
kin pay off. "
''Eggsactly So" retorts Bascom
"you kin pay me for the good, honist
Hkl1er NV mine witch you hev con
$oomed IN coin w'ich is less than the
dollar you promised. All rite, But look
se~~ooane in here all nv you I want
a silver men to know exactly wat you
4re rushin into -
And this feend led us into the back
YoQm--that back room W 'ich contanes
tie subsistence nv the Corners. There,
in long rows, wuz Bascom's stock.
There, in barrils, piled one on top NV
another, wuz the delishus whisky NV
louisville, Nv different ages, rangin
from that nv two weeks old to that
witch he'd jist left the still and wuz
scarcely cold yit. There it lay, and ez
my eye ranged affeckshunately over it I
felt eff / Good hey the drinkin nv all
that hkker wood be content to lay
down and die when the last drop wuz
gone
Bascom p'inted to an immense tank
witch he,hed erected within few days,
with pipe runnin in from the roof
II shan't raise the price Nv hkker in
conscience nv bein paid for it in a de-
preshiatid Currency" sed he.
I fell on Bascom's neck in an extacy
Nv delite, while the others SHOUTED,
"Rah for Bascom!'
&c. W., l remarkt, while teers suf-
foosed my eyes, II never placed you
much below the angels, but this gener-
GUS oct has histid you a hundred Per
cent in my estimashun. Bless you, G..
w, bless your'
"But I'll tell you W at I shell do Do
you see that Tank" sed he
"May l ask W at that is for?" l sed
"That tank will fill with rano water, -
sed he. ''The moment you git to payin
me in silver shell take out Nv eech Nv
them barrils jist eggsactly three and
one-ffth gollons NV likker and fill it
with water.
"Merciful hevings p we all exclaimed,
and your Gkker so weak now ~
And when silver gifts down to rs
cents On the dollar I she'll take out rs
per cent uT whisky and fill her up with
rs per cent Nv water, and so on down.
Ell silver goes up, I shell add whisky
eggsactly in prdporshen. In short my
whisky is jist a-goin to foller currency
and nOthin shorter, You feIlers w 'ich
work for wagis may SWEET, but l won't. "
but you'll increase the size nv your
glasses?' sed I.
"Not any. But you may drink twice
ca many times to git the same amount
Nv drunk ez before by payin for eech
drink. "
And Bascom stalked hawtily back and
took his posishen behind his bar
Their wuZ consternashun in the Cor
ners SIGH ez hoy never seen. Their wuz
hurried consCltashen at the Deelin s
house, and [ sejested that we emanci-
pate ourselves from the dominyuu Nv
this tyrant by startin q grosery ny our
own on the joint stock principle, witch
wuz agreed to, each man agreein to CON
tribbit $40 to tho capitle stock, witch
wood be enuff to buy bari or two for
beginnin.
We wuz enthusiastic till we come to
ballotin for the man to keep the place,
when it wuz found instid Nv my bein
chosen yoonanimusly, e. I eggspected to
Ia that every man he'd votid for hiasef
fs act a s0ul uv en- would recede, the
ekeerh wuz blocked rite there and finely
he'd to be abandoned, and we went back
to Bascom's and submittid That tyrant
hez us
Nv course we can't stand Hkller di-
lo0tid in that manner. We are willin