Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-11-04
JUST FOR FUN.

Youngey-"Is that dog intelli-
gent?' Her father 'sWell, he is
very quick to catch on"
Fuzzler-''Did you know Old Soak
had left off drinking?" Guzzler-
''Nol what for?n 'eTo take breath"
Nagger- Have you seen the ''The
Fatal Card" old man?'' Henpeckt-
''No, what is it, a wedding invita-
tion?'
Trivet-'sHow did the proverb
"Silence is golden" originate? Dicer
cit was no doubt uttered by man
that had received hush money"
Film Flam-"Did you ever lose
your head by drinking whiskey?"
Jim-Jam-"Oh, yes, but you bet I
always found it the next morning."
Jumble-''I hear Softleigh has some
serious trouble with his head" Doc
tor-'Pooh! I've treated him for a
week and I know there's nothing in
it.r
Bildad-''This is the most immoral
play ever saw. [ don't want my
daughters to see it, but for the life Of
me [ don't know how to keep them
from it," Ichabod-"Tell 'em it's
highly moral"
Professor Of Chemistry "Gentle-
men, hold in my hand a phial of
soda. What chemical shall I combine
with it to produce valuable article
of commerce." Goodsby (waking up) :
''Br-r-randy!"
Seems-"There are two things that
women seem bound to do at the play
wear their high hats and talk"
have something to talk through be-
sides the play"
An absent-minded doctor, in feel
ing PATIENTS pulse, counted thus:
''Seven, eight, nine, ten, jack, queen,
king, ace" He was brought to earth
by the patients boistrous laugh, and !,
graciously refrained from prescribing.
The patient recovered.
Mrs. Tupenny-F' discharged the
new cook" Mr.. Tupenny-"Wh
i'll thunder did you do that! She is
the best cook we ever had" Mrs.
Tupenny-'Yes, L know, dear, but
the stupid thing didn't know scan
dial about a single family in town."
eyes" said the tourist in the Penn
| sylvania metropolis, ~ have been in
Philadelphia three days and [ would
kind of like little Gvening up"
''Certainly, SIR" said the polite Phila-
delphian, we understand that travel
ers like excitement. Just let me show
you around to the morgue."
Teasing friend-"Wkat makes the
new baby at your house cry so much,
Tommy" Tommy Indignantly
'sIt don't cry so very much-and any
way, if all your teeth was out, and
your hair off, and your legs SO weak
you couldn't stand on them, I guess
you'd feel like crying yourself"
''I wish, Susan, that when you give
baby bath you would be careful to
proper temperature. Use the Their
mometer.'' ooh, that's all right,
mum, [ can do without the thermom-
eter. If baby turns red, the waters
too hot; if it turns blue, the waters
too cold. [ can always tell nicely that
way"
Lady Ito new servant) -E'I suppose,
Bridget, you overheard my husband
and [ conversing rather earnestly
this morning. Bridget-"Indade, [
did, num- Lady-'I hope you did
not consider that anything unusual
was going on" Bridget-'Niver a
bit, mum. I whist had husband
mesilf, mum, and niver day passed
that the neighbors didn't behave one
or the other of US would be kilt en-
toirly."
Judge-"You are charged with hav-
ing sold milk that had forty per cent.
of water in it. What have you to
say?' Milk Dealer-''An honest man
like me, your Honor, couldn't do such
thing" Judge-''But there is clear
proof that there was forty per cent OF
water in your milk" Milk Dealer
81 can explain that, your Honor,
The milk was frozen and I poured
boiling water on it in order to melt it
Now, of course, it is quite possible
that.a few drops of water got mixed
with the MILK
A Splendid Chance.
Everybody who is weak, delicate or sickly
wants to get we'll. DR.. Greene, of "a Temple