The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1895-04-09
impudence to come home with him and
stav to breakfast, too

impudence to come home with him and
stay to breakfast, too"
/ have often wondered why the Bible
does not tell us precisely what lam
guage the wife of the man who fell
among thieves addressed to the Good
Samaritan when that ideal Squarer
brought her husband home to her in
the early morning SO many centuries
ago.
In order that my readers may gain
some idea of the nature, extent and
| variety of the duties which the Squarer
! performs as matter Of love and with
a zeal akin to that with which Roths-
child enters upon a transaction in three
| per cent. bonds let US picture to our
| selves a scene in the residential quar-
ter of the town on cold Sunday morn
ing Just as the dawn is beginning to
streak the eastern horizon with streaks
OF pale gray light.
The figure of a man clad in pa jamas
may be seen peering cautiously out
| from behind thick curtains through the
partially opened window of the room
on the ground floor. Two or three
snow balls. hurled by strong arm, are
fattened against the panes of glass,
and the gentleman who leans rather
unsteadily on the fence railing holds
another in his hand and is saying plain
lively to the gentleman inside: Yes,
it's me. cid man, and want you to go
home with me and square it with my
wife. You've gotter come! tell you
dassent show up without you"
Whereupon the ajanaed one-who
is none other than the Squarer himself
admits his unsteady friend to his
room, puts him TO bed on the horsehair
lounge and then sits down to scrape
much abused garment to something
like its normal appearance.
At nine o'clock the Squarer's client
awakens, refreshed in body and mind,
and clamors hoarsely for a cocktail.
which he is apt to get If he insists upon
it with sufficient obstinacy, although
the Squarer viii try to convince him
that little acid phosphate in a glass of
water is much better for his health.
At ten o'clock they will start for the
home of the client, who generally lives
at some distant point, like Harlem or
Brooklyn. They will reach their desti-
nation short time before noon and
their reception is sure 70 be chilly and
discouraging. 1t = precisely at this
moment that the Squarer begins to get
In his really fine work in behalf of his
unfortunate friend.
On entering the house he places the
object of his solicitude in vertical
position in an obscure corner of the
hall and then proceeds to shake hands
with every member of the family in
turn. evincing at the same time the
utmost cordiality and utterly ignoring
the cold looks of suspicion which will
be directed toward hun. The mother
in-lavv, it is true, win press forward
eagerly to return his salutation, but
that will be because she hopes to catch
the odor of cocktail on his breath.
Failing in this. she will resume her
customary attitude OF frigid reserve.
Sometimes she will go SO far as to send
the children upstairs, when the Squarer,
whose heart is yearning for little
gathers them about his knee and tells
them delightful fairy stories, in which
difficult art he is absolutely without =
master.
; He excels also in the kindred art Of
giving q connected, coherent and plaus-i
ible account of the remarkable chain,
of circumf noes which brought his