Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-08-22

clothes
Court-'You say, young man, that
your Incarceration would be the means
of crushing Il widowed mother!" Pris
oner-"Yes, your honor; with me gone
she would have nothing left to work for
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Cannibal Ito captured missionary
Have you any particular wish before.
you are dished up!''
Missionary-"I should like to deliver
one more lecture on the advantages of Il
vegetarian diet."--Ueber Land und Nicer.
Householder-"J James, didn't I tell you
to sprinkle the lawn today?'' James
mo, sir; you said, James, you may sprin-
kle the lawn today. and there are SO
many things you tell me l may do, l
thought it wrong always to take advant-
age of your kindness; but, sir, | am just
as much obliged to you as though | had
done it.'-Boston Transcript.
Baggsly-"Does Bowser belong to your
cluby Waggsly-'No, my club belongs
to Bowser. He's chairman of the house
committee. "-Brooklyn Life.
First Dog-"I heard Tommy Tucker
pam
Second Dog somewhat incredulous)-
I'm afraid there's Il string to it.'-Oak-
land Times.
William said Mrs. Cumrox, ''what
place do you enjoy going to most when
you are away for the summer?'
And, without moments hesitation,
the old gentleman placidly replied,
Home"
Customer-"Give me dozen fried oy-
sters." Waiter-"Sorry, sir; but we're
all out of shell-fsh, excepting eggs."-
Crypt.
Oh ocean, how 1 envy you!
Though you are somewhat cold,
You grasp each morn her form whose
I'd give the world to hold
Detroit Tribune.
Ethel Singleton-"But tell me, dear,
does man get really angry every time
he comes home and finds dinner isn't
ready?' Mrs. Benedict (sweetly)-"Yes.
just about as angry as a woman gets
every time she has it ready and he
doesn't come home.'-Puck.
Jones This chicken is fourteen years
old.' Smith-"How can you tell the
teeth Smith-''By the teeth! Chickens
don't have any teeth" Jones-"But l
have."-Crypt.
Feline-The Younger One-'I wonder
if l will lose my looks, too, when | get
to your age?" The Elder One-"You
would be lucky if you did. "-Washington
Star.
Mary nau 4 little lamD,
1t followed her each day,
Till Mary put the boomers on,
And then it ran away
Louisville Times.
''De only ting" said Uncle Eben, dat
some men nebber gifts 'scouraged ODER
am tryin' ter lib wifout wuh' kim. Elk
change.
No School-AIrs Higbee-'I think you
had better go for the doctor, George.
Johnny complains of pains in his head"
Higbee-''I guess it is nothing serious.
He has had them before Mrs. Higbee
Yes, but never on Saturday. Brook
Ign Life.
Mrs. Trott-"Oh, 1 only went into
town on a shopping tour Mrs. Streete
have a real good timer Mrs. Trott-
Not at all. l found what | wanted in
the very first shop | went into Mrs.
Streete-"How provoking!'-
Cholley-''AH the fellows seem to be
attentive to that edowdy little girl in
pink. Is she rich?'
Gussie-'Rich! Why her father is a
bicycle manufacturer!'-Puc
If BICYCLES known as ':bke,'
A tricycle. must be a ''trike,"
And when winter comes round
1t will doubtless be found
That an icicle goes as an like
Exchange.
best clocks we have in the store. 1t goes
eight days without winding"
Hayseed-''Is tibet so? How long do
you figure she'll go when you do wind
her ?"-Harper's Bazaar
Tramp-"Say, boss, could yer give
Teller q dime fer Il square meal?"
Kind Gentleman Certainly, if the
State.
Il begin to feel like my poems." sighed
the poet to the cruel lady who had said
nay to his gentle appeal.
In what respect, pray?'
Il have been rejected so often. DE
troit Free Press.
II may be wrong" SAID the Hoosier,
''but | will back my judgment to the ex-
tent of small BE- bottle anyway,
man, with scorn. ''I'll bet you a small
key. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Alphonse-"You never hear of women
cashiers running off with their employers
money" Henri-"Not of'en; but when
it does happen they take the employer
too. ILLUSTRATED Bits.
During the June instruction in 1913
a national guardsman wrote as follows
to friend of his: II am now writing
;,>;stol in the other LEcole ct Ia
Familie.
NO Johnny" said the teacher, mot
five: four quarts make a gallon
Johnny said he guessed he knew; his
father was in the business.-Boston
Transcript.
Little Ned-"Don't take away the
light" Mamma-'I want you to learn
to sleep without a light" Little Ned
Must I sleep in the dark?'' Mamma
Yes Little Ned-''Well. then, wait
minute, / guess I'll get up and say my
prayers little more carefully PITTS
burg Bulletin
There are some women who, if they
were to come down stairs in the middle
of the night and find burglar in the
parlor, would ask him if he had wiped
his feet.-Truth.
It was at hotel on the Scottish
mountains. ''Oh, Marianne, do think
that gown of yours is just too lovely for
anything, and it is so appropriate to
wear up here"' The other smiled self
IL