The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1895-07-19
THE INVENTOR.


his bump of invention and the domestic
eccentricities to which it gives rise make a
stay at his house rather trial to person
of weak nerves. A fortnight ago spent
a few days at his place in Kent, and am
only just getting over that painful expert
ence. Tupmore was very glad to see me
when I arrived, conversed on current top
les, and, up to lunchtime, had shown me
only one of his inventions, patent foot
latch" as he called it-none of his ideas
were patented, by the way-hxed to his
orchard gate. This "latch" was a device
for opening the gate by stepping on a sort
of treadle, leaving both hands free for car
rying washing baskets, etc., and the great
beauty of it was that there was no ordinary
handle by which horses or cattle could 40
cidentally undo the fastening. While we
were examining it lunch was announced,
and we went in to feed. Presently Tup
more asked me to ring the bell rosa s..
from my seat at once.
tDon't get up, said my host, smiling.
"We have our bell fixed to the table for
convenience and you're next to it, as the
missus is away It's right in front OF
you, level with your knees
/ CROPPED under the tablecloth and found
nothing. Then 1 put my head under,
making myself frightfully apoplectic, and
at last discovered the machine on the OPP
posite side of the table, 1 told TupmOre.
He was very vexed and said the silly serv-
ant must have turned the table round g.
when she swept the room. He seemed SO
distressed about it that hastily changed
over to the other side Of the table and tried
to ring the bell. 1t wouldn't move
"You must pull it toward you" ex-
planned Tupmore.
1 did so. whereupon the table rocked
violently, and my glass of claret emptied
itself upon my waistcoat.
GIVE pulled it nearly a yard, - said,
s'but it doesn't seem to make any differ
ence.''
'Ah, that's it'll You must pull and
| then let go.'
let go. There was another miniature
earthquake, accompanied by an ear pierre
| ing combination of table gong and bicycle
| bell, which made my hair stand on end.
E'Now do you hear it?' asked the inven-
tor triumphantly.
Did hear It'll Good heavensl Ny outlet
had cooled down to zero during the excite
ment, whereas had made myself unpleas-
antly hot, and when the servant answered
the bell Tupmore had quite forgotten what
! he wanted.
After lunch, as my friend had letters to
| write, strolled out into the orchard and
| took 40 winks on a rustic seat. When ]
| opened my eyes, I beheld a full sized COW
staring at me in a distinctly unpleasant
manner. I am dreadfully nervous about
cattle. having once been chased by an in
/ furiated bullock, so I promptly reiterated.
| The COW followed-she had a most bust
| nesslike pair of horns-and snOrted. I at
| tempted to open the gate; but to my in
| tense dismay I could find neither handle
nor treadIe-Tupmore had only shown me
the other side of his abominable patent
when the lunch bell rang. My prosecutor
came closer and tossed her head. This
| demonstration may have been caused by
flies, but put it down to i'll temper, and
forthwith bundled awkwardly over tn.
fence, alighting my back, and jerking
all the loose money out of my trousers
pockets. I was still cropping for stray coins
when Tupnore came out, and explained
that had dropped something's didn't
like to mention the COW. Then we walked
round the farm. My friend deluged me
| with inventions, which I dutifully ad,
mired. Some of them were really pueri1e,
some incomprehensible, and I cOuldn t
[ help thinking, when we inspected the pig
sites, that he might well turn his atten-
tion to producing patent" porker that
would consume its own evil odors.
About O'Clock an unearthly hootina
| disturbed the rural calm.
"That's my siren, - said Tupmore. g!
had it fitted to the kitchen boiler to cal
me in when I'm on the farm. [ expect
/ means afternoon tea or visitor"
The siren was not pleasing at distance.
At close quarters it was simply 1endish.
It performed about ten times a day during
my visit, generally when was indoors.
and has made me partially, and, I'm
afraid, permanently, deaf in one ear.
The house bristled with unpleasant sur
| prfses. If I moved an innocent looking
chair, out came a pair of slippers or book
I from some hidden receptacle in the seat,
| and if I pulled a seeming bell handle it
gave way, and down fell flap disclosing
a ridiculous recess in the wall, of no earth
ly use to any one but a kleptomaniac or a
magpie.
When I went to bed, had inventive
Nightmares. In the small hours a clock
on the landing struck a hundred or two
and was only deferred from further efforts
! by Tupmore who afterward came in to
| apologize. He explained that the clock
was a repeater connected by wire with
his bedroom, so that he could make it
strike the hour If he woke in the dark,
which, as he owned, he never did. "Those
| LNeastly mice must have been fOoling about
! over the wires he said. "They do some
ti1Ees."
asked him if he had ever thought Of
fnvcnting a really efficient mousetrap. OF
course he hadn done anything so sensible.
Eavly in the morning was violently
aroused by the commencement of the fol-
lowing programme:
6 a. Iu.-Siren.
6:3O.--Ditto; also ''patent' pumping
operations, the pipes being conveyed
through the wall at the head Of my bed.
7.-Siu9n.
7:15.-lHachinery in motion just below
my window-''pa patent" coffee grinding, or
| some nonsense.
7;30.-Sfren.
After that I got up. I fully expected to
have my shaving water pumped up to the
dressing table or projected through a trap
| door in the floor and zcas both s11r1lrised