The islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1891-1899, 1895-01-31
MUSINGS OF LUCIFER.

When "Lucifer," who was once an
Angel, and stood well in the councils
of the good people of Island county,
fell from grace, on account of the many
"sprees" which he INDUCED in, and
was fired from the county, it was
decided by the elders of the land, that
as penance, for his wrong doing he
should be doomed to run a newspaper
in the land of San Juan.
Nv
AS "Lucifer" crawled out from under
sidewalk, late one afternoon, he
looked down at his mud bedragled
raiment, fished his hat out from under
pool of mud, which he had used for a
pillow, and muttered, as he painfully
extracted his bootless foot from the
mire, "The weather thus far during
January has been very disagreeable
with wind, rain and snowstorms. Many
of the the roads out through the country
are in an almost impossible stage" (hic)
M
Now it came to pass that for the lack
of a paying subscription list "Lucifer"
conceived the idea of sending his sheet
to a number of charitable institutions,
insane asylums and public hospitals,
and it also came to pass that in an OBJ
scure hospital, in the north of Michigan,
there was man who was in the last
stage of consumption. This man had
seen better days, and had a small sum
of money left. He had heard of the
"Italian" climate of the islands and had
concluded to bring the remainder of
his small fortune with him and spend
the last few days of his earthly exist
ance in our midst. He had also formed
the somewhat eccentric idea of being
buried on the top of Mt. Constitution,
with marble slab of Roche HarbOr
lime rock at his head. Happening to
glance at the "San Juan Republican"
he saw the statement that the weather
was terribly severe. With last des-
pairing groan he fell back dead.
x*x
When the elders heard how "Lucifer'
had been lying about the bright sum-
mer weather which prevailed through
out the land, they were very angry for
they were very anxious that their
yankee brethren from the East should |
locate among them. "Lucifer" said
unto himself Somebody is an ass, 1
wonder who it ISL.
Nv
When ''Lucifer" had gathered up his |
boots, hat and coat, and had searched
in vain for his socks and vest, he went |
into his sanctum and the first thing he |
beheld was letter from the local High |
priest" who was sitting in the councils |
of the wise men of the state. Upon |
opening it he found that his master
had written a very remarkable letter,
in which he called his brother priests
CATTLE Lucifer said unto himself
if | print this letter it may make such
a demand for my sheet as has never
been known, and my master will be
called "Great." But when the elders
saw what he had done they were wroth,
and said, if thy master knew no better
than to write such stuff, you should
have known better than to print it.
Lucifer unused saying: "a few people
have made asses of themselves, [ won
der how many there are ofus."
Nv
Having softening of the brain super
induced by breathing the fumes from
an alcohol lamp, used for burning out
soft corns, Lucifer wrote "heavy editor
ials" showing how the "High priests
could raise great revenues by taking
beer" and the poor peasants would not
have to pay cent of it.
DAINTY SWEETS.