The Penn's Grove record., 1895-08-09


A philosopher is a man who does
not try to argue with Others until he
knows he San down them.-Galveston
News.
A COW died in Sprinfeld, Ohio, from
Eating too many apples, which gave
rise to some trouble in cider.
Courier.
1t is q consolation when another
nan is in trouble to think that it will
prove a valuable lesson to him. -Atch-
ison Globe.
Chappie-tI'm awfulIy fond of hunt
.ng dogs" She (innocently)-"Yes
Where do you go to hunt thema"-
Detroit Free Press.
"Jawley was at the club last night
.'Was-he? Did he talk?" "Yes."
what about?" "About half the
uight. "-Harper's Bazaar.
"Does this cake make you think OF
yraudma?" "Mercy, no." "Why
|o=:7" 'fShe always gave me two
pieces Inter Ocean"
HIS heart ana MS fortune ne ldlu NJ uel loos
And plead tor q swift reply,
In trembling tones she softly said'
"My hat, Is It on awry2"
Chicago Inter-ocean-
Miss Softly (who has been attending
, course of lectures)-"Oh, Professor,
/ saw such a funny old fossil in the
museum to-day. I thought of You at
once. Vogue.
The girls of Radcliffe College flor.
nerly Harvard's Ann x have no yell
yet, but if somebody should spring a
mouse on them the yell would invent
itself. -Philadelphia Ledger.
"Do you erjoy going to schoolP"
,sked the youths uncle. eyes, sir,
( enjoys goin' all right. It's sittin'
.till in school after I get there that ]
don't like. Washington Star.
az dote upon oaks" said the ianguishins
$50 noble, so stately, though few,
fell me, Mr.. Jones, what's your favorits
And he tenderly answered her. .'Yew."
brakes Magazine.
GaIlup-'Do you think ! can safely
crust q business secret to Banks?'
Higbee--'T should say SO. 1lent him
IS nearly a year ago and he has never
oreathed a word about it since. lid
Bits.
1T always pays a nan m my bust.
less to take plenty oftime, murmured
the burglar softly to himself, gently
Jumping the third tray of gold watches
INTO his capacious bag.-Buffalo
courier.
"And you really consider it goos
uck to find q horseshoe, thenY'
Certainly. They're worth two cents
spiece at any junk dealers, and every
little helps, these hard times. "-Buf'
falo Courier.
Uptown-"Anyway, I suppose you
believe that there is luck in odd num-
bers?" Longwood "Great Scott.
mol 1t was the third time I proposed
to Mrs. Longwood that she accepted.
Buffalo Courier.
Papa" said Jimmie, who is just
earning his multiplication tables,
"why isn't there a subtraction tablet"
There is, my son. When you SIT
down to dinner and begin to eat, that
is a satisfaction table. "-Harper'a
Bazaar.
First Burglar-'Let's quit Thu
business and become reformers. .
Second-sTm q reformer now
First-"Come of" Second-"Yes,
am a chloroformer." And he pro-
ceeded to saturate the sponge as the
victim slept.
"But, papa" walled the young wo
nan, "you can have no idea how he
loves me. He is willing to die for me
this very minute" "Well," said the
old man, scratching his chin thought
fully, 81 don't know that ! have any
objection to that. I was afraid he
wanted to marry you. "-Indianapoln
Journal
An Argyllshire elder was asked how
ihe kirk got along. Hesaid: "Aweel,
we had 400 members. Then we had q
division, and there were only 400 left ;
then q disruption, and only ten OF us
left. Then we had a heresy trial; and
now there Is only me and ma brither
Duncan left, and / ha' great doots OF
Duncan's orthodoxy."-Tit.Bit Bits.
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