The Columbus journal., 1895-10-02
GAUoHlNo GAS.

SAe-So the nrst thing Tom told you
Ahout Ais 1ancss Was that che was :aw-
fully sensiblsr He-Yes. She-That
settles e she's plain.
II don't 80 Why people grow % en-
thusiastic over these old comedies." "
said Nrs. Corker. II went to SO ono Of
EN- last night, and It was full Of old
jokes."
''They tell mo these big sleeves are
going out" 'Well, I'm glad TO hear 1t.
I live In . Nat, and when my wife and I
spend IN evening together. have to cit
out In the hall"
You look dreadfully battered. How
is that?' ''Wife has been pelting me
with Aowers" why. that wouldn't
marx you in that fashion" "Oh! They
were in the pots"
Patient-The heat is 80 oppressive.
doctor. feel like committing suicide.
Doctor@Oh. that would never do. As
I said before. my friend. what you need
is . change.-Life.
THAT woman dispenses a great deal
Of social lemonade.': What do you
mean?" Simply that she is always
saying sour things in a sweet way"
indianapolis Journal.
Nibbs-What a perfect poem the
cqpnt's rich wife is! Dibbs- Yes; the
count h the only man I know Of who
can make poetry pay him $4,000 a
year.-New York World.
She-Qh, my! there's something gone
down me back! He-It's one Of those
tApdder1ng bugs. suppose. She-No;
Rguess it's one Of those lightning bugs,
George.-Yonkers Statesman.
''Papa!' What is 1t, johnny" Il
read q poem in my school reader which
spoke Of dogs of high degree
"Well?" Papa. does that mean Skye
terriers?'-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Mrs. Enpec-I can't understand how
q man can love q woman who has q
physical deformity. can you? Enpec-
oh. I don't know! l shouldn't think less
Of . woman who was tongue-tied.
Lea1 1sadly)-I don't know what to do
witk that son Of mine. He's been two
years at the medical college and still
keeps at the foot Of his class. Perrins
(promptly)-Make q chiropodist Of him.
Puck.
mo Results.-Clara-I wonder II 1t is
true that one is likely to catch some
thing from being kissed? Maude-
course not. You've been kissed enough.
but you haven't caught anything yet.
have! you?
Conditional Forgiveness.-Y0ung Mr..
Hunker had stolen a kiss from Miss
Kittish. and she had scolded him very
properly. You'll forgive me. won't
your" asked he. will you promise
never to do It again." "No." Then
I forgive you"
mo man ever obtained anything
worth having without working hard for
It," said Mrs. Bickers to her husband.
who was in a discouraged mood. That's
so," replied Mr.. Bickers. refectively. Il
remember that obtained you without
the slightest difficulty
Master-Pat. I've suspicion that
either you or I was drunk last night.
Pat-Oi've a suspicion av that koind
mesilf, sor. Master-Well. Pat, you
rascal, which one Of US was it? Pat
Will, sor, Oi'll not be casting any re-
flections, 30 OF won't say. but Oi do be
sayin' that OF invied ye.
Hostess (who has made the usual
for fine dinner: II tell
John that II he will bring people home
unexpected to dinner. they must take
Just what we have" Guest (wishing to
put her at easel: "Oh. that's all right,
Mrs. Stibbubs! I'm an old traveller: used
to roushing it now and then. you know.
Several men were talking about how
they happened to marry. Il married
my wife," said one. after the others
had all had their say, because she was
different from any woman 1 had ever
met How was that" chorused the
offers. "She was the only woman
Ever met who would have me-" and
there was q burst Of applause.