Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1895-09-23
FACTS AND FANCIES.

Education begins the gentleman, but
| reading, good company and reflection
must finish him.-Locke.
IF I understand the latest slang of the
hour" said gentleman famed for his
| eloquence and learning recently at
trolley" "Oh, father that's DID,, in
terrupted the 10-year-old who had been
allowed down at the table; 'you mean
he's got a puncture in his tire. "-Phila-
delphia Press.
Conductor (dubiously)-'sThat seems a
pretty big lad to travel on half-fare
| ticket" Mrs Smithkins (tartly)-
''Well:: I've been taking him out on this
road for half fare every summer for the
last six years. and l amt going to pay
| full fare at this late day.'-New York
| World.
THE only thing l don't like about
Miss Peeler is her bathing suit THAT
isn't much against her.
OHallihan- "Wad's thot Oh hear
Murphy (apologetically)- gobs! Yez
can't hardly call it wurkin'. Oh swings
me hammer up, an whin Oh let's it drap
| it's so heavy it's own weight breaks the
stones intirely. Truth.
| A story is told of gentleman of rank
and fortune in Ireland who fancies one
of his legs is of one religion and the
|
puts one of his unfortunate legs outside
the bedclothes to punish it for it's re-
| ligiouS errors.
| Medium Gin a tone with ice down it's
| back - Madame, the spirit of your dead
husband wishes to converse with you
| The Widow Hennypeck Huh! 1t he
hasn't any more spirit now than he had
when he was alive, it isn't worth paying
any attention to."-Puck.
tNTv daor cold x1,;fo bo had boo,,
married three years, as she beamed
across the table on her lord and mas
| ter, .'tell me what first attracted you
| to me. What pleasant characteristic did
| possess which placed me above other
women in your sight!' And her lord
and master simply said: Il give it up
| -Tid-Bits.
Broad Hint. -"Sisll be down pretty
soon,' said Johnny to young Mr.. Hank
| inson. 1T always takes her q long
time to put on her good Clothes There
| was a brief silence. 1t was broken by
Johnny: 'Some people think candy
amt good for little boys. 1t don't never
| hurt me. 1t sticks right to my lungs
and makes me ow."-Chicago Tribune.
Artist painted this picture, sir, to
| keep the wolf from the door," Dealer
! (after inspecting it)-"Well, hang it on
| the knob where the wolf can see it,
| Tid-Bits.
| It's Mother-"O1H John. John! What
shall we do? Baby has swallowed his
rattle.p It's Father-'Do nothing. Now
he'll always have it with him, and we
won't have to be forever looking for it
when he cries."-TOWn and Country
| Journal.
| He-''Do you know, last night, as you
stood under the gaslight, [ couldn't help
but think how much | would like to kiss
YOU" She-''Have you never heard that
| Sal To- ~,
morrow "-Puck.
ance with the young tenderfoot, who
| asked: But how did you lose your left
| eyer ''Lose it?' thunderOusly "Y-
yes, sir" why. I cut that ere eye out
SOS [ wouldn't have ter shet it sightin'
a gun!'-Chicago Record.
Education shouldn't stop when a wom-
an gets married" mo, indeed; I've
| learned a new language since George and
| married. What languageT' Baby
talk. Chicago Record.
| a Harlem man calls his wife misery
because she likes company.-Texas Sift-
| ings.
Papa" said boy, 81 know what
makes people laugh in their sleeve"
Well, my son, what makes them?"
"'Cause that's where their funny-bone
| is. "-Tid-Bits.
Musical Item.-Smith-''T Things are
pretty evenly distributed in this world,
after ALL" McGinnis-"How SOP
Smith .sThe piano has spoiled many a
good dishwasher, and many a dishwash-
er has spoiled piano. Texas Siftings.
Papa-"Jack. how did you get that
lump OH your forehead", BobbE""Jack
hit me with a stick" Papa--"Did you
THAT was quite right" Bobby-"Be-
cause / hit him first.''-Harper's Round
| Table
Miss East lat an Oklahoma balD-
| pardon me for treading on your toe,
sir" Alkali Ike (gallantly)- a-tall,
l assure you! Parding me for hayin'
| toe. Puck.
Last night I dreamed that I died;
| What do you suppose walked me up?'
| ''Was it the heat ?i-Life.
| Burglar-"Your money or your life.
Sleepy Father-"Take both, but don't
wake the baby."-Detroit Free Press.
Without Prejudice.-Ugly Man (who
thinks he's privileged wag, to artist
| ''Now, Mr.. Daubigny, draw me-" Art
list (who doesn't like being called Daubig-
ny, and whose real name is Smith)-"Cer.
tainIy. But you won't be offended if
it's like you. Eth ?'-Punch.
1t was clever Englisnwoman who
when NJ. Blanc was mistaken at gar
NJ. BLING is a page-Qf history"
Learned men 10 not always appreciate
the achievements of their fellows. It
is said that a friend brought Millions
/ Paradise Lost to a great Scotch mathe-
matician, who remarked, when he mad
finished it: cts vera pretty; but, mon,
what does it proven
| Civic Amenities-The Philadelphian-
! ''You didn't nave half as lively an earth
quake as we had" The New Yorker
'Well, you couldn't expect the earth to
| yawn as much in New York as in Phila-
! delphia Indianapolis Journal.
You say he is a promoter? What is
his line, do you know?" Il couldn't
say positively, but have suspicion that
he deals mostly in filing for pneumatic
tires indianapolis Journal.
Rival to George Francis Train.
A rival of George Francis Train has
| appeared in Madison Spare park. He is
| about so years old apparently, and has q
| black heard. A large ia StehOard box is