Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1895-08-14

/ -WoSuAuBtOu othI
A philosopher is q man who doe.
not try to argue with others until he
knows he can down them.-Galvestor
News.
A COW died in Sprinfield, Ohio, from
eating too many apples. which gave
rise to some trouble in cider.-Bostou
Courier.
It is q consolation when another
nan is in trouble to think that it will
prove a valuable lesson to him.
ison Globe.
Chappie-'I'm awfully fond of hunt
ng dogs" She (innocently)-"Yes:
Where do you go to hunt them?"-
Detroit Free Press.
"Jawley was at the club last night
'Was-he? Did he talk?" eyes. "
"What about?" 'About half the
night. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
"Does this cake make you think OF
yrandma?' "Mercy, no." ''Why
o":?" ''She always gave me two
pieces. Chicago 1nter-Ocean.
Els heart and his fortune no laid at her fee.
And plead tor a swift reply,
In trembling tones she softly said
"My hat, is 1t on awry?"
Chicago Inter-Ocean-
Miss Softly (who has been attending
. course of lectures) ooh, Professor,
/ saw such q funny old fossil in the
museum to-day. thought of you at
once. Vogue.
The girls of Radcliffe College (tor-
nerly Harvard's Ann Ky have no yell
yet, hut if somebody should spring a
mouse on them the yell would invent
itself. .-Philadelphia Ledger.
''Do you e1joy going to school?"
.sked the youths uncle. eyes, sir,
enjoys goin' all right. It's sittin'
till in school after get there that
don't ike."-Washington Star.
"I dote upon oaks" said the languishiug
maid,
$50 noble, so stately, though few,
FELL me, Mr.. Jones, what's your favorits
And he tenderly answered her. ''Yew."
-Drsks's Magazine.
Gsllup-'Do you think I can safely
crust business secret to Banks?"
Higbee--'I should say so. lent him
IS nearly q y ear ago and he has never
oreathed word about it since. It'd.
Bits.
st always pays a man In my bust
less to take plenty of time, murmured
the burglar softly to himself, gently
jumping the third tray of gold watches
into his capacious bag.-Buhalo
]ourier.
'.And you really consider it goot
uck to find horseshoe, then?"
Certainly. They're worth two cents
apiece at any junk dealers, and every
little helps. these hard times. "-Buf.
fslo Courier.
Uptown-"Anyway, I suppose you
believe that there is luck in odd num-
bers?" Longwood - "Grest Scott,
mol It was the third time proposed
to Mrs. Longwood that she accepted.
Buffalo Courier.
''Papa," said Jimmie, who is just
earning his multiplication tables,
"why isn't there subtraction table,"
''There is, my son. When you sit
down to dinner and begin to eat, that
is q substraction table. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
First Burglar-'Let's quit thi.
business and become reformers.
Second-''Im reformer now
First-"Come off" Second-"Yes, I
am q chloroformer." And he pro-
ceeded to saturate the sponge as the
victim slept.
':But, papa" !" walled the young wo
nan, "you can have no idea how he
loves me. He is willing to die for me
this very minute" "Well," said the
old man, scratching his chin thought
fully, 81 don't know that I have any
objection to that. I was afraid he
wanted to marry you."-Indianapolis
Journal.
An Argyllshire elder was asked how
;he kirk got along. Hesaid: "Aweel,
we had 400 members. Then we had q
and there were only 200 left
then a disruption, and only ten of Us
left. Then we had heresy trial and
now there is only me and ma brithcr
Duncan left, and ha' great doots of
Duncan's orthodoxy. Tit. Bits.