The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1895-08-04
THE AMATEUR pApER-HANGER.

I1C-IlOW paper 0A0 w SCI
She-Six pieces. The man said we
should want eight, but, of course, he
was only trying to cheat me. l know
six will be plenty.
He-But suppose we spoil lot?
She-Ah, but we shan't. It's quite
easy. l watched man doing it at
Uncle Freds last spring and he didn't
! spoil a bit. Come along. (They go
along). I've measured the wall and
we want ninety inches in each length.
! CThey measure a strip of paper) Now
! the paste.
He pasting)-What stuff it is! I'm
sticky up to my elbows already. If I'd
known what messy job it was. I'd
have had man to do it.
She-But think what we save. We
shall do the whole room for half
crown. Well begin in this corner.
Take the strip by the top and get on
to the stepladder. Gle attempts to do
so. Several feet of paper curl around
| his legs and adhere firmly to his trou-
sers)
| He Clearing off the paper)-Just look
at my clothes, How on earth can 1
walk about with dozen yards of this
fiendish stuff. without getting mixed
up in it?
She-There, quite forgot We ought
to have turned up the end. Never
mind; better luck next time.
He-Theres eight feet of paper
wasted, anyhow "a length is pasted
and hung) Rather wrinkly, isn't it?
She-TheyII come out when it dries.
Just rub it with the cloth.
He-Now all the confounded color
begins to run! That comes of buying
such wretched cheap stuff.
Shelf doesn't matter much for
nursery and it won't look bad when
it's alike all over. Next stripe.
Z IL Oafst I
Dolly, this paper isn't all the same
color. The bit on the wall is ever so
much darker than the roll.
She-So it isl They must have given
us faded piece. What a shame!
He-Then they'll just have to take
it back. We'd better chuck it up till
we get the proper stuff.
She-Im afraid we must. (They
chuck it up After an interval she re-
turns and finds that the hung paper
has become lighter on drying. Oper-
atoms are resumed)
He (after hanging another strip
Hulloi What's this COMPOUNDED space
all down the side?
She-How stupid of us! We never
cut off the edge.
He-Stupid of US! I like that! I
don't pretend TO know anything about
it.
She-Don't be angry. dear. We're
sure to make a few mistakes at first
We can easily cover the joint. Cut the
edge off the next piece, anyhow.
(He cuts. The roll goes through sew
eral inconvenient automatic evoiu-
tions)
He-Boa constructors aren't in it
with this squirming paper. / wish
you'd hold it steady. Look! the mis-
cradle thing has rolled up onto the
point of the scissors and made a great
hole.
She-Never mind. dear. 1t won't
show when it's UP. You might hang
the next strip a little straighter,
though. That last one doesn't nearly
fit at the ceiling.
He (testily)-When I put it straight
at the top you said it didn't fit at the
side. L can't help it. I wonder who
the idiot was that invented wallpaper?
(Savagely) 1 should like to kick him.
She-For goodness sake don't lose
your temper or we shall never finish.
He (groaning)-AH right; come on.
con the ladder0 How am l to hang
this with that bell thing in that way?
She-Can't you pull it out and put
it back afterward?
He (crossly)-Tm afraid not Both
my hands are engaged and 1 can't
reach it with my teeth.
She-Don't be silly. I'll hold the ma
per. Now try.
He-It's a dead fixture. If get it
out half the wall will come down.
She-1hen we must cut the paper to
ut IT. Just measure where the bell
comes. Gle measures. She tries to
cut the wet paper, which drags on the
hoor and gets hopelessly crumpIed9
He-Thats no good. Another piece
wasted.
She-What does one strip matter? I
must cut 1T before we paste. docs so.
While he is adjusting it the stepladder
wabbles. He clutches at the wall rub
ping on large piece of damp paper)
He-Thats pretty, isn't it? 1 won't
use these rotten steps any more.
(Hurls the steps out of doors)
She (soothingly)-You can stand on
chair, dear. 1t will be ever so much
easier to move about.
He (after a great struggle to make
the paper fit a corner)-Ugh! It's all
cockeyed and wrinkledi Why can't
builders round off the corners de-
Gently? 1 must have something to
drink; I feel as if I'd walked ten miles.
L pity the poor devils who have to make
a living at this game.
Interval for refreshments)
He (after half an hours work)-Im
just about sick of this Look at the
wrinkles and the SmearS and the gapsl
L wouldn't ask a dog to live in this
room. The children will all get suuints
or some AWFUL optical disease, I know,
and it's ten to one there's arsenic in
these cheap papers.
She-NonSensei That last strip was
much better. We're improving. Shall
we pull down the first few pieces and
start fresh?
He-Great heavensl I wouldn't do it
again for f10! 1 feel like a boiled cod.
as 1t is, with this melted butter stuff
all over me. Come on Don't stand
staring, when you might be cutting
fresh strip.
She-Fm sure boiled cod wouldn't
have such an awful temperi
He'll bet it would if it had taken
on a days paperhapging.
She-I am not going TO argue You
can say it's all my fault if you like.
Just because 1 try to save a little
money! And you grumble so fear
fully at the bills.
He-Grumblei 1 should think so.
I'm not millionaire and if | had
$4,000 a year
she-Are you going on with this
papering or not?
He-I don't mind. Anything to
oblige you, darling. Gle mounts the
chair, which collapses, depositing
him on the floor in a winding-sheet !
OF sticky paper. He energies profan-
ing) I'm not proposing to do any
more. 1t isn't worth, breaking ones |
neck for twopence-ha-penny. Wipes |
the paste out of his hair and kicks
the chair into a corner) You can |
finish it yourself If you want to.