The true northerner., 1895-03-29
SprinkIes of Spice.

''ShcS n very pretty elrl. Sne IL reany
Immense" "And she has an immense
father, to boot. ot."-Syracuse Post.
Mamma, see how cold that poor
chestnut man looks! Do give me five
cents so he can earn something
Fliegende Blaetter.
Colonel-"Are you one of the 'ad-
vanced' women, Miss Passe2" Miss p.
(haughtily)-"Ind l am not. l was
only % last birthday York
World
Jimson-"Now you wouldn't marry
me. would youY' Miss Sears-"MOst
certainly not, but why do you ask such
question:" Jimpson-"Just to decide
a bet."-Kate Fields Washington.
Maud-"That Swattles girl is wildly
infatuated with her new chum, that
Molly Jamesby What does it mean, I
wonderY Madge-"It means that
Molly has n brother. Record.
She-'T have been listening to an aw-
fully clever man for the past hour.
He-"Then you may find me dull" She
mot at all. One can't stand too much
OF that sort Of thing you know."-life.
Kicksy-"Wife, can you tell me why
am like hem Mrs. Kicksy-"NO,
dear why is it," Kicksy-"Because I
can seldom find anything where l
laid It yesterday. y."-Philadelphia Rec
ord
what has Mrs. De Style done with
the money her uncle left herT "She
did intend TO build n house, but | see
she has come out with new sleeves in
two dresses, instead" Inter
Ocean.
Jilson SAYS he does not see why there
should be any objection to woman
entering the legal profession. Nine out
of every ten married men know we'll
enough that her word is law.-Buffalo
Courier.
First dog-What is that row down
tho aisle? Second dog-Thats one OF
Mulfords pups. He won his first prize
yesterday and his head has swelled so
they can't get his collar off.-ChlcaSo
Mail.
How did Ohltimer like the act Of
the lion tamer?' asked the circus pro-
prictOr. "He was bored TO death. You
see, he used to he the manager Of an
opera company with three prima don
mas In Washington Star.
Mstress-Why, Nettie. you are n nice
girl What are you doing with two
swcethearts? Maid-O! please, ma'am,
have only one The other only comes
when the one is i'll or on furlough.-
Neueste Nachrichten.
Miss Wahbash-Will / see you at the
Thornborne's masquerade tomorrow
Mr.. Beaconstreet-Yes; shall go as a
monk. "Oh. how lovely! And will
hurdy -gurdy man have you on a
string ng?'-Indianapolis Journal.
At the Assizes: Judge-Have you
anything further TO say? Prisoner-I
should only like to ask that the time
occupied by counsers speech for the
defense be deducted from my term Of
imprisonment-ll Popolo Romano.
''What is the correct form for the
opening sentence of n marriage license
when an heiress captures an impover-
ished nobleman?" he asked. 81 give II
UP, Shc ttBilNu' NhON eh hhNh ~
these cash presents. Chicago Post.
'I am afraid" said the languishing
scntmentalist. that your being Is not
attuned to welcome sweet spring once
more" Eyes it is" replied the prach-
cal man. II took fifteen grains of qui-
nine this morning. ng."-Washington Star.
"Bill Doolan's band has been cap
turcd in Oklahoma" remarked the
newspaper reader. "You don't say So"
replied the man who pretends to keep
posted but doesn't what was Bills
band doing? Playing Sweet MarieT"
Washington Star.
Mcrchant( to clerk applying for a sit
uation)-So you speak French and En-
glish? Clerk-And Dutch into the bar
gain. Mcrchant-We have no dealings
with Dutchmcn; therefore / will take
one-third of your salary.-Plauder-
ecke.
Mr. ShaIpp-If there were no woin-
en-. the men would have nothing TO
laugh at. Mrs. Sharpp-If there were
no women, the men wouldn't want
anything to laugh at. They would
not feel like laughing York
Weekly.
Customer (timidly)-I-er-supp
you have somc-er- suitable books for
n man about to-er-be married? Head
clerk (promptly)-Yes, sir. Here Skig
giles, show this gentlman our line OF
largest sized pocketbooks.-Buf
Courier.
At the Hairdressers.-A barber, af-
ter applying some sticking plaster to a
cash made with the razor, prepared,
nothing daunted, to continue the opera
tion. Customer only fight up to first
blood. The duel is at an end; let us
shake hands.-Il Motto per Rdere.
Little Dot-"Uncle George says I'm
too loquacious.' What does that
mean?" Mamma-"That means you
talk too much" Little Dot (after re-
flection)-"I s'pose big words was made