Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-12-12

Waal, ter make long story short,
Leander bargained with Mr. Higgins
for set Nv them encyclopedias,
an he signed his name to long
printed paper that showed how he
agreed to take cyclopeedy onct in
so often, which wuz to be ez often
ez a new one of the volyumes wuz
printed. A cylopeedy isn't printed
all at oncet, because that would
make it cost too much consistently
the man that gets it up has it strung
along fur apart, 80 as to hit folks
oncet every year or two, and giuer-
ally about harvest time. So Leander
kinder liked the idee, and signed the
printed paper and made his affidavit
to it afOre Jedge Warner.
The fust volyume of tho CYCLIC
peedy stood on shelf in the seeker
tary in the settiE'-room about four
months before they had any use fer
it. One night, Squire Turner's son
come over to visit Leander an Hat
tie, an they got to talkin' about APP
Piles, an the sort Nv apples that wuz
the best, Leander lowed that the
Rhode Island greenin' wuz the best,
but Hattie and the Turner boy stuck
up fer the RoXbury russell, until at
last happy idee struck Leander,
and sez he: Well leave it to the
cyclopeedy, b'gosh! Whichever one
the cyclopeedy sez is the best will
settle itl"
But you can't find out n0thin'
bout RoXhury russets nor Rhode
| Island greeuin's in our cyclopeedy, -
seZ Hattie.
Why not, I'd like to know ?n
sez Leander, kinder indignant like.
"Cause ours haint got down to the
RS yet," sez Hattie. "All ours
tells about is things beginnin' with
A."
"Well, amt we talkin about APP
Piles ?" sez Leander. You agger-
vate me terrible, Hattie, by insistin,
on KNOWN what you don't know
nothin' bout
Leander went to the SECRETARY an
took down the cyclopeedy an hunted
all through it fer Apples, but all he
could find wuz Apple-see Po-
mology."
"How in the thunder kin / see
Pomology," sez Leander, "when
there amt no pomology to see p
Col durn cyclopeedy, anyhow!"
And he put the vOlyume back onto
the shelf an never sot eyes into it
agin.
That's the way the thing run fer
years an years. Leander would've
gin up the plaguey bargain if he
could, but he couldn't; he had signed
printed paper an had swore to it
afore justice of the peace. Hig-
gins would have had the law on him
if he had throwed up the trade.
The mos aggervatin' feature of it
all WuZ that a new one NV them cussed
cyclopeedies wuz allus sure to show
up at the wrong time-when Lean
der wuz hard up or had jest been af-
fected some way or other. His barn
burnt down two nights before the
volyume containin' the letter b ar
rived, and Leander needed all his
chink ter pay fer lumber, but Hig-
gins sot back on that affidavit and
defied the life out o. him.
"Never mind, Leander," sez his
wife. soothin' like, "its good book
to have in the house, anyhow, now
that we've got baby"
"That's so," sez Leander, "ba-
bies does begin with B, don't it?"
You see their fust baby had been
horn; they named him Peasley-
Peasley Hobart--af'ter Hattie's folks.
So, seein' how as it wuZ payin' fer
book that told about babies, Lean
der didn't begredge that five dollars
so very much after all.
Leander," seZ Hattie one fore
noon, "that B cyclopeedy amt no
account. There amt nothin' in it
about babies except See Maternity
"Waal, I'll be gosh durnedu" seq
Leander. That wuz all he said, and
he couldn't do nothin' at all, fer that
book agent. Lemuel Higgins. had
the dead wood on him-the mean,
sneakin', critter
so the years passed on, one OF
them cyclepeedies showin' up now
an then-sOmetimeS every two years
an sometimes every four, but allus
at time when Leander found it
pesky hard to give up fiver. 1t
warn't no use cussin' Higgins; Hig-
gins just laffed when Leander al
lowed that the cyclopeedy wuz no
good an that he wuZ bein' robbed.
Meantime, Leander's family wuz
increasin' an growin'. Little Sarey
had the hoopin' cough dreadful one
winter, but the cyclopeedy didn't
help out at all, cause all it said wuz:
Ho0pin' Cough - See Whoopin'
Cough"-and Nv course, there warn't
no Whoopin' Cough ter see, bein' as
how the w hadn't come yet!
Oncet when Leander wanted to
dreen the home pasture he went to
the cyclopeedy to find out about it,
but all he diskivered wuz: "Drain
See .Tile," This wuz in 1859, and
the cyclypeedy had only got down
to /.
The cow wuz sick with lung fever
one spell, and Leander laid her dyin'
on that cursed cyclopeedy, 'cause
when he went to readin' bout cows
it told him to "See Zoology"
But what's the use NV harrowin'
up ones feelin's taIkin' an thinkin'
about these things? Leander got so
after while that the cyclopeedy
didn't worry him at all {; he grew to
look at 1t ez one Nv the crosses that
human critters has to bear with
out complainin' through this vale Of
tears. The only thing that bothered
him wuz the fear that mebbe he
wouldn't live ter see the last volume
to tell the truth, this kinder got to
be his hobby, and I'ye hearn him
talk bout Ii many time settin'
round the stove at the tavern am