Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-03-18
JUST FOR FUN.

"You are familiar with Homer, OF
"What is his first name?''
Those who think a woman isn't
trusting and clinging enough, should
take a novice out skating on the ice.
Mother-Why do you stay at home
all the time? Have you no friends to
visit? Laura-Yes, one, but [ can't
endure her.
81 would die for you'll" insisted the
rich old sutton. ooh, it's very easy
to PROMISE" rejoined the maiden,
skeptically.
Editorial equipment: Exchanges 90
$5O.OO; mucilage, $500; scissors, 80
cts; ink cts. Subscribers com ment.
"Too much ink"
When a man becomes thoroughly
convinced that he is a genius, it is
then that the fringe slowly begins to
form on the bottom of his trousers.
Sutton (seeing flowers on the table,
May I take this as a token of my
friendship? Fashionable Miss-Good
gracious, no, sir! Why, that's my new
bonnet!
sEI've been bordering over a very
singular thing' "What is it?'' Chow
putting a ring on woman's third fin
ger should place you under her
thumb.'
Bacon What's that thread tied
about your finger for? Egbert-Oh,
that's just to remind my wife to ask
me if I forgot something she told me
to remember.
~ saw several cyclones cellars while
I was out West, "remarked the visitor.
"Dear mel" exclaimed young Mrs.
locker, "who on earth would want to
buy a cyclone?"
$50 you feel that you can not marry
him?' eyes, I am fully decided"
''Why, don't you like him?" "Oh, l
like him we'll enough, but I can't get
him to propose"
Teacher-You have named all do
nestle animals save one. 1t has brist-
ly hair, is filthy, likes dirt, and is
found in the mud. Well, Tom? Tom
(shamefacedly)-That's me.
Teacher = What are marsupials?
Boy-Animals which have pouches in
their stomachs. Teacher-And what
do they have pouches for? Boy To
crawl into and conceal themselves
when they are pursued,
A school child of Washington an
swered the question on her examina-
ton paper, "What was the object of
the Crusades?'' by saying, "To rescue
the Virgin Mary from the hands of
the Seraphim' (Saracens).
"What's your occupation, bub?''
asked a visitor at the Capitol of a
bright boy whom he met in the CORR
dor. The boy happened to be page
in the White House, "I'm running for
congress, SIR" he replied.
"Please, ma'am," said the cook, Cpd
like to give you a weeks notice"
"Why, Mary, this is great surprise.
Do you hope to better yourself?''
"Well, no, not exactly that" answer
ed Mary, with blush. ''I'm going to
get married"
Young Housekeeper -Have you any
nice ducks this morning? Clerk-Yes,
here are some nice canvas backs.
Young Housekeeper-Oh, dear, am
so inexperienced! [ think L would
rather have the old fashioned kind
that have feathers on"
The son of the editor has been i'll
with a cold, and obliged to take two
kinds of medicine. The other day,
when told that it was time to take
some, he said, "And is it the one with
balsam in it, mamma, or the qualls
and epitaphs (squills and ipecac)?
Some advertisements are models Of
pure English, as for instance, one
concerning nursing bottle, which
concludes with: "When the baby is
done drinking, it must be unscrewed
and laid in a cool place under tap.
If the baby does not thrive on fresh
milk, it should be boiled.'
A good thing and nothing to pay.
Just see what DR.. Greene offers to do for all