davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
SHE EOuND HIM.
Pew Women Would Have Thought Of II,
but She Did,

Y have n wife that beats the world"
remarked the drummer in a predatory
kind Of a way.
Including YOURSELF inquired the ho-
tel clerk.
Mentally and morally, yes, but not
physically, though l am not so sure about
that that ! would provoke her enough to
find out. Anyway, she's "a daisy" he
went on, "and I'll give you an example
of what a Napoleoness she is under diff.
culties. Last summer l was in New York,
and she was stopping in New Hampshire.
For some reason she took n notion to come
down where l was, and when she got to
the place where / had been stopping /
wasn't there, as l had changed my board
ing house. The lardlady didn't know
where l was, and L hadn't told my wife
about my moving, for | did not expect her
to como for a week or SO later and was
going to write her. Well, when she got
there and could not find me she was
stumped, for a lone woman is decidedly
lone in a big town like New York. But
my wife is not one of the kind to sit down
and cry. On the other hand, she got up
straight and began to think how to find
me, and size did it In "a manner that was
surprising. 1t was about 4 O'Clock when
Sne came INTO IOWn. by % she nau cO1nplet-
ed her scheme, and that evening about z,
as / was talking to a friend in front of the
Fifth Aven Tie hotel, l happened to be look
ing at that stercopticon advertisement
show just below Twcnty-third street on
that high building, and, by the powers,
the first thing | knew something was on
the screen that almost tool my breath
away"
"'Look at that says l to my friend.
What is it?' says he.
"'Rcad that message on the screen,
says /.
"'W. II. Blank is wanted at his late
boarding house on Sixty-third street
Mary
BY gum, old man., says he, that's
you
Right you are says /, and in a
very few minutes l was there, and found
my wife waiting for me, and ticklcd al
most to death over the original way of
finding me. Do you know of any other
woman in this country or any other, con
cludcd the drummer, that would have
thought of such a detective agency as that
to nave found a lost husband?'' And the
hotel clerk wanted to take up a collection
among the married men of the hotel fer
a medal.-Dctroit Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Diplomat of the HOuschOld.

did you hear about Mrs. de Billingst"
asked the wife significantly as the husband
settled himself comfortably in his arm.
chair.
NO. What about herr" he asked sus
piciously.
well, there's a little gossip going
around the ~reighborhood that may mean
something. You kno how fond of gay
ETY. she Isl"
"Oh, yes"
"And how Mr.. dc Billings hates SO.
oiety?'
Yes"
And how as a result she got in the
habit of going out with other men,
Yes"
We'll, l heard him say last night that
he was tired of hat sort of thing"
Il don't blame him."
And that ho proposed to stop it,"
lie ought to-"
"In fact, his exact words were that he
proposed to lead her "a merry dance"
Its time no did.
SD you really mean that" she asked
%anxiously.
"Of course l do. T. Then he stopped
and looked at his wife sharply. Look
here, jane" he said, what are you driv-
ing atE'
We'll, he ended by explaining that he
meant he would take her to the charity
ball, and if you really think that it's
time
IN take you" he interrupted quickly
you've earned it, but l want it distinct
ly understood that l will never listen to
neighborhood gossip again"
Then he settled back in his chair and
growled all the rest of the ~cyening.-Chi
cage Post.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30

A benevolent woman living at Glen
dale, n. j., devotes much of her time to
entertaining children who live in the low
er wards of New York and who of course
have crude ideas of country life. During
Christmas week this woman invited q
dozen of the little u1chins to her house
and was rewarded for her trouble by the
thorough way in which the children en-
joyed themselves. In the party was one
little girl scarcely 5 years old. She CANT
from IA crowded tenement house on the
east sid and took the most intense inter.
est in everything she saw. After a care
full inspection of everything on the parlol
floor of her hostess house she asked in &
curious tone, who lives down s~tairs?'
"We do, was the reply.
"Who lives up s~tairs?"
1--WE do"
"Wcll, who lives above that"
why, we do, of course" said the host
ess, with much interest. What makes
you ASK"
why, don't no Italians live in thi:
house, asked the little tot in open eye.
wondcr.-Ncw York Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Things Learned In the MOrgue.

The old keeper of the morgue in
this city, who has seen hundreds of
unknown bodies exhibited for iden-
LITIGATION, has arrived at some inter
esting conclusions. If the face of the
dead person is perfectly composed
and natural, of course intimate
friends and relatives recognize HIM
Immediately. But, he says, if the
face is distorted through pain OF dis
figured by injuries a casual acquaint-
ance can identify the body much
easier than the closest relation. He
explains this by saying that people
who have known a person well for a
long time lose sight of, the features
and see rather the personality re-
6ected in the lines of the face. A
casual acquaintance notes the fea-
lures and can recognize them when
seen again, even if considerably dis
torted.-Philadelphia Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
HAD ENOUGH.


~ ~
Of q Past.
She had adm red the men, and though
The years had O'm and gone and she was
still Miss Brown her admiration had not
abated. On the contrary, it had incrcas-
ed. She was of the modern woman school
also, or at least wanted people to think
so, n as for herself she thought she was
intensely interesting. TO young Mr.. Jones
she had been lately addressing herself,
and young Mr.. Jones usually fled when
she appeared, but on this occasion she had
taken him W and was now hold
ing him in her thrall in a pretty alcove in
the conservatory. Just beyond them sat
a pretty girl to whom young Mr.. tones was
devoted, and he longed to get over to her
and GUST the vapid youth who, young Mr..
Jones was sure, was making desperate love
to her. But Miss Brown held on like a
turtle.
do you know, Mr.. Jones'" she was
saying in her most intense fashion, that
the modern woman is an ideal to mof"
mo, really, l didn't know" confessed
Mr.. Jones much against his will.
But it is true" she continued, "and,
oh, Mr.. Jones, some of the women we
read of in books, see On the stage inc hear
of in daily life appeal so strongly to me!'
"Yes?" said Mr.. Jones, with a rising
infection.
Indeed, yes" she responded. Then
with deep earnestncss she turned to him:
did you know, Mr.. Jones'" she wills.
pered almost tragically, THAT l am a
with a past?"
Young Mr.. Jones was absorbed in watch
ing the pretty girl and the aforesaid
youth.
WELL" he replied in m abscntminded
sort of a way, most women who have
lived 40 years weren't horn yesterday,
don't you know"
Later in the evening young Mr.. Jones
told the pretty girl how it happened that
Miss Brown would forever thereafter bt
to him only n stranger.-Detroit Frcf
Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
The Way Of the World.

Did you eve congratulate a young
man whose marriage engagement
had just been published in the news
papers? Try it and see if he does not
at first feign ignorance of why you
should desire to clasp his hand, and
when you have enlightened him on
that point affect surprise that you
should know his intentions. -Buffa.
10 Courier.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
MINNESOTA. the DAKOTAS,
MONTANA, IDAHO,
WASHINGTON, OREGON and
CALIFORNIA.
Steamer Connections for ALASKA,
HAWAII, JAPAN and CHINA.

Solid in construction, modern in i'm
provcmcnts.
Palace Sleeping and Dining Cars,
Buffet Library Cars, Family Tourist
Slecncrs and high back seated day
coaches especially adapted for long dis
lance travelling.
Meals served on "pay for what you
eat" plan.
Through the Grandcst scenery in Amer
lea by daylight.
Reaches fine hunting, fishing, pleasure
and health rcsOrts-Helena and Boulder
Hot Springs, Lake Mcdonald, the Koot-
cnai the Columbia, Lake Chelan and
Puget Sound.
Round trip excursion tickets to points
east and west, with stop off privileges,
and choice of return route. Baggage
checked to destination.
Connects in season of navigation with
the magnificent steamships North West
and North Land running between Du-
luth and Buffalo.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
OVERRIDING 1t.

A country editor who has just az
rived in town is introduced to q
prominent politician, who, upon
shaking hands, says:
"Ah, the editor of The footing
Tootcr?"
Eyes, sir"
II am indeed glad to meet you,
sir. The Tooter is one of the best
known and most extensively quoted
papers in the country. Often, sir,
while meditating upon its wise and
profound u%tterances have l felt a
strong desire to meet its able editor.
Are you in town Oh business, sir?'
Eyes. You see, l am just about
ready to bring out No. l of The loot,
er and have come down to get pa
per for the first issue. New York
DiSDatch.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30

His clothes were much the worse for
wear, and he had Il hungry and especially
thirsty look in his eye rs he approached a
gentleman who was on the point of enter
ing his clubhouse.
Excuse Inc, sir he said, but could
you help me to get something to eat? ]
haven't had anything for three days
do you live ~ New York;"
YES, sir. | have lived here all my life. "
"Ah, poor man! don't sec how l can
help you then. If you had been II non.
resident, l conld have asked you to dinu
with me at the ub.'-Lifc.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
She Was All Right.

One of thos good women who arc al
ways willing to tell people thoy are losing
their sidccombs or hairpins or other be-
longings sat behind II young lady who
had u large velvet bow attached to the
back of her neck. 1t had become loose,
but in 40 danger of falling, but the good
dame could not resist the opportunity:
"You'rc losing your bow, miss" she
whispered in her ear.
The girl grabbed the arm of the young
man next her and instantly rctortcd:
Not much l ain t. Eve kept steady
company with hIm for II year now, and if
that Susie Holmes thinks she's going to
get him away by making eyes ut him
lose my guess, Thank you all the same,
ma'am." And she took another reef in
the young mans arm.-Dotroit Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
AMONG THE DICTIONARIES.
4 Seeker After Geographical Learning Has
a Bcwildering Fifteen Minutes.

4 Seeker After Geographical Learning Has
a BcwiIdering Fifteen Minutes.
Mrs. Jones desires to purchase a
G dictionary. l have no objection.
When woman wants a new diction-
airy, l think her husband should foot
the bill without a murmur. But Mrs.
Jones and l + not entirely agreed
as to what lexicon in particular we
shall introduce to our library. She
prefers a certain work in more than
one volume. l also have in view a
work in more than one volume, but
much less expensive, and Ihave ven
tured to hint, in a mild and tentative
way, that the cheaper dictionary con
tains all the English we shall ever
require
Last night I happened to remember
that geographers use the word bifur-
cation in a special sense to designate
those natural water channels which
connect some river systems that arc
otherwise entirely distinct. Now
I said to myself. "I'll look up bifur-
cation in these two dictionaries. III
wager the peanuts that the book I'm
praising defines the word in its geo.
graphic sense. Then I'll take the
definitions to Mrs. Jones and con-
vince her that there is no use in buy
ing the larger work when we may do
just as swell for less than half the.
money"
l straightway pitted those diction-
aries against one another, first con-
sulting the larger work. It's treat
ment of bifurcation seemed volumi-
nous enough to cover all the ground,
but there is not the faintest sugges-
ton of the meaning of the word in
this special sense. German, English
and American ~geographers all use
the same word to express the idea.
1t is found in our works ON physical
geography and eve in some gram
MAJ school textbooks, but tdoes not
appear in the we'll of English here
referred to.
You may imagine with what eX-
ultant feelings I confidently turned
to the other book. l opened volume
one at B and diligently searched. ]
wiped my glasses to remove any
dimness that might impede vision
and searched again. Neither the
word bifurcate nor any of it's deriva-
tives is to be found in this work of
reference.
My i'll luck had not yet deserted
me narrated the incident to a per-
son who l thought was my friend,
and he Immediately ran off and told
Mrs. Jones, and that settles the
chances of the dictionary that does
not include %bifurcation in the Eng.
lish language.
l started to look up the word in
another dictionary, when my eye
happened to fall on Amazon, mean
ing the Amazon river. The deriva-
ton of this name was given as q
native word meaning '.:boat destroy
en-, referring to the destructive bore
Or tidal wave at the mouth of the
river. If the photographer had con
suited DR.. Egli's "Geographica Nom
ina," he would have rejected this
alleged origin of the name as purely
fantastical, ven without reading the
Hakluyt society's TRANSACTIONS from
the narrative of the first Spanish
voyagers on the great river.
have spent Is bewildering min
utes among the dictionaries, and
wonder if other seekers after truth
from the same sources often get as
much edification in a quarter of al
hour. -Timothy Jones in New Yorl
Sun.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30

The doors Of the dime museum We're
Just about to open for the afternoon per
Torrance.
Il ont suppose you know that our
pocr manager has met with heavy loss!"
remarked the wild man from BOrncu.
mo. Has hcI" sympathcticnlly chorus
cd all the other freaks.
Yep was the reply. 1.-THE female
giant has clopcd with that fat boy. Loss
couldn't be heavier,
And the joke made the india rubber
man so tired he went over in the corner
and stretched himsclf.-Butfalo Courier.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Very announcement.

Jimmy Dawson spent il good sized pile
of money in o~vcrhauling and fixing up
his country place last spring.
He had it newly papcred and painted
and frcscocd throughout. He laid down
hard wool floors. He set up a windmill
and connected it with IL tan up on tho
hill to insure Il steady pressure of water
in the pipes. lie put in new sanitary
plumbing, with hot and cold water in
nearly every room, m he INDUCED IL
the luxury of Il porcelain bathtub. The
tubs in the kitchen were of slate, and the
range was of the newest and most approx
cd pattern.
Then Jimmy thought he had a very
complete place, with all the modern con-
venicncos and ornaments that the heart of
nan or woman could desire.
He was proud of it nll-from the fresh
ly gilded weather want ON the cupola to
the bronze dog on the front lawn.
But his attitude of conplacent satisfnc-
ton was destined to receive u rude shock
when Mrs. Dawson brought out the new
cook from the city.
On the drive from the station her Hi
bernian higbncss viewed the situation and
surroundings with an air of gracious and
understanding approval, but on being
shown into the perfectly appointed kitchen
her anxious employers noticed an ominonS
scowl settle over her features.
Faith" she observed, with u con
temptuuus sniff, 'Oi'm afraid Oi'll bt
after foindip it awkward here wiLuu' d'
ol!9tr- r-rir loightS, - Brooklyn life
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30

This is too much of one thing"
said the banker to himself as he was
caught in a shower going home to
dinner, from the bank wet to the
banquet. New York Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Scientifically Considered.

MERELY as a new experience, WENDELL
said the Boston young woman, blushing
family and wiping her lips, Il find it
not disagreeable, but do not let it happen
again. 1t is utterly illogical, irrelevant,
and recent scientific investigation shows
that it is fraught with microbes"
1t seems the foolhardy young man had
kissed her.-Chicago Tribune
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Better Than Expected.

The late Rev. DR.. King of Glasgow was
not imposing in personal appearance. On
stranger was brought to James, the beadle,
who was making his daily call. james
looked for a little while and then said,
Nae sac bad, considcrin Tit Bits.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Explaining 1t.

Penelope-Well, bishop, after all, there's
only a difference of n single syllable be-
tween salvation II perdition.
The Bishop-Why, my dear young LADS
how can o say that?
~Pcnelope-It's merely a question o.
eternal bliss or eternal blisters.- Life.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
An Indication.

AT the society play.
Hc-That woman does remarkably well
for an amateur.
Shc-Ics, but I'm sure she's IL profcs.
Gional.
He-How's that?
Shc-Says somebody stole her diamond
bracelet the night before lnst.-Chicago
Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Turning the Tables.

Tommy-Whcn I'm g man, I'm going
TO be u soldier.
Mother-What, and be killed by the en-.
envy?
Tommy-Oh, well, then, l guess I'll he
the enemy.-Yale Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30

Oh, mellow sunshine streaming
On altumn's golden store!
uhm shivering, or I'm dreaming.
John, kindly close that door,
Oh, fields of grain SC yellow
Sweet smiling to the skyl
Il wonder if II fellow
Will have much coal to buy.)
Oh, days when winds are signing
All musical and low.
Il see hat cold flag flying.
! wonder If twill snow.)
Oh, dreamy Indian summer.
When airs from Eden float!
(That wind outsidc's a hummer.
John, where's my overcoat?)
Atlanta Constitution.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Rough.

Her Mother-Don't you find Jack
rather rough?
Priscilla-Yes, mamma. And yet
he says he shaves every day.-Old
Lyme Conn Breeze.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Ihe Earliest Coined Money.

Throughout the early parts of
Scripture as well as through the
poems of Homer not a single pas
sage occurs from which can be infer
red the existence of stamped money
of any description. 1t is agreed that
the Egyptians had no coined money
Herodotus is authority for the state
ment that the Lydians We're the first
people who coined gold and silver
The Pairan Chronicle, however,
ascribes the first coinage of copper
and silver money to Pheidon, king
of Argos, S95 b. c., in Egina, which
Elian corroDorates, and the best
numismatic antiquaries agree in con-
sidering the coins of Egina from
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
His Request.

This is the way II Georgia darby handled
the queens English recently: Il doEn' in
ginerly buy on credit, but at dis particl-
tar conjunction | would like to git II little
resistance on 30 days return.'- Elk
change.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30

There's one thing to be said in ia
vor of the summer. One has warmer
friends than in winter.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Providing For an Emergency.

Mistrcss-You will remember, Mary,
that We have breakfast in the morning at s
New DoImestic-Ncry well, num-, bat
II I'm not down in time don't wait ful
me.-Truth.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
A Vain Seance.

There's a new play out called "A Rail
road Ticket" A good many actors have
been looking for IL. -Pbiladelphia luqutr.
or.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
One OF Her Gifts.

Weary Watkins-An these hers papers
seems to have something to say about the
advanced woman nowadays. What sort
of woman Is she?
Hungry Higgins-As fur as my ohserya-
ton goes she is a woman who has learned
how to throw a brick..-1ndianapolis Jour
nal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
His Nerves Gave the Lie.

Jimson-I can never put confidence Tn
tho word of Gimble again.
Weed-Why?
Jimson-Because he told me that the
chap who plays the cornet in the fourth
hoor back is q composer.-L
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
Mexican Methods,

Mr.. Graham found that the spirit
Of religion III Mexico seemed " be
confined almost exclusively to wen.
en-. He says: I'm one church l saw
200 women kneeling. some with their
small children and babies, others ac-
companied by their dogs, both large
and small. Only a very few old men
and cripples were among the worship
ers. The mass of the men and the
boys We're to be found loafng around
the gambling houses, which We're all
open and running full blast. We
looked into some of these dens, but
wer most shocked at one frequented
mainly by small lads and children,
some even as young as 7and s years,
betting their copper cents. The
amount staked upon the turn of the
wheel rarely exceeded IL or Is cents,
and the owner of the den raked in 3
or 4 cents as his share, and the bal.
ance went to the lucky boy.
Speaking of children, the girls
and boys of the public schools are
taught in separate buildings. They
II instructed to study their lessons
aloud, and it is a very noisy place.
Imagine so boys, with good, strong
lungs, studying their reading OF
spelling lessons aloud while the teach
Ell is trying his best to explain a
problem in arithmetic to a small
class in another corner of the room.
but can be scarcely heard above the
! din ,n-PittSburp DiSpatch.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
''Limited Qualifications"

Lady of the listen. Charlotte.
] am going to give Il party, supper and a
dance. Now, YOU will ave to show what
you can do, so as to keep up tho credit of
my establishment.
Cook-With pleasure, ma'am, but !
can only dance the waltz and the polka.
You will ave to excuse me from the
quadrillcs. --Lustige Blattcr.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30
III

A New York monkey slipped his
tether and went on a gorgeous jam
boree among the saloons. All the
accounts agree that he made a hui
man being of himself. Boston Her
aid.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-11-30

Thos, f. Cakes, Henry C. Payne, HenryC
Rouse. Receivers