Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-03-23
TOLD ABOUT TOWN.
How a Gentleman Who Keeps
Late Hours Was Caught.
ARRIVES AT S In THE MORNING.

And is Surprised to Find the Family Up,
An Air Of Excitement Prev.iiiaE-rhe
Cause Tn. reof - An Unauthorized Col.
Iector-rhe Nother-in-Law's Fault.
A middle-aged gentlemen. who
carries a latch-key and oft-times
keeps the members of his household
guessing whether the hour Of his re-
turn is before midnight or about
that time when the chicken-coop in
habitants begin to sing out the ap-
proach of daybreak. was captured in
an unexpected and rather peculiar
manner by his wife and children the
other morning. He received an in
vitation to a ..stag" card party. He
could not very well decline. He
went and his better half knew that
her husband would hardly return
before ~ O'Clock anyway, and the
family retired. The time-telier on
the mantel piece pealed forth the hour
of 4 a. m. IT. so happened that the
lady Of the house was awake and heard
it. But the head of the household
had failed to put in an appearance.
Many a time before he had crawled
in without disturbing her with the
assistance of his squeakless shoes and
anti-noise producing light-igniters,
and there was no reason why the old
game could not be repeated. Four
o'clock was an unreasonable hour,
and his non-arrival was causing her
much uneasiness. Suddenly she
=. 81
sounded very much like the APP
proach Of horses and the roll of a car
riage on the pavement. Her husband
always (?) came home in bus when
staying out late, and when the vehi-
Gle stepped near by she was confident
that he had returned, and of course
felt relieved. The carriage rolled
away, but the passenger did not en-
ter her house, as she anticipated.
She waited and waited. but the foot
steps of him were heard not on the
front door approach. Her suspense
produced painful effect. She
aroused the children and other mem
bers of the household, and related the
circumstances. Probably he had
gone down to the river, approXi-
mately situated, to partake of a bowl
OF the refreshing Mississippi fluid.
which had just been skinned after
several months hiding, let the Coney
island-like zephyrs fan his noble
brow, wipe the fog from his sight
assisters, and would return in short
time. But he did not. Thcy
searched the river bank, the yard and
everywhere within a blocks distance,
but no tidings of him were to be
found. Another hour had elapsed,
and while the family was sitting
about the house wondering and dis
cussipg what had become of him. in
walked the subject of all the
excitement. He was surprised to
find the family up, and couldn't I'M
derstsnd the cause thereof. He was
told, but he did not come in the car
riage-he footed it. He will eth
er have to make some radical changes
in his time card, or recommend some
thing to produce sleep to his wife. 1t
was afterward learned that the mis-
sion of the bus was conveying a
neigh Dor, who had just returned from
Chicago. to his home. which is across
the street from the residence of the
object of this narrative.
Wanted Spending Money.
The son of the proprietor of a Rock
Island business establishment has
been bOthering customers of the
house who owe accounts by calling a
couple of times a week for money,
for which he would give receipts,
apologizing for the frequency of his
calls with the excuse that the house
needed money. His game worked all
right until the first of the month,
when the collector started on his
usual rounds. People against whom
he had bills showed receipts of full
payment. But as the money had not
been turned in, he was somewhat at
sea. An investigation followed, and
it was found the proprietor's son had
appointed himself collector. evident
ly for the purpose Of securing spend
ing money.
All on Account OF . Mother-in-Law.
1t is said we have an addition to
our citizenship in the person of a
Dubuque lady, who left her husband
because he would no. permit his
mother-in-law to ..cali'' on her
daughter. The couple quarreled
considerably on the mother-in-law
question. but could not agree. The
other evening he came home. but he
found no one to argue with. The
house was locked, and his wife was
missing. as was also all of her per-
sonal effects. Rock Island. it is I'M
derstood, will be her future home.
The Modern Way