Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-06-06
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
O6d, Curious and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically For
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Sprirklese of Spice


And build the morning fires.
kansas City Journal.
Son-And what does father do for his
country? Misunderstanding whatever
nv dear: he is a member of Congress-
Boston Bulletin.
He-You are the only girl who CAN
make me happy. She (coQuettlShlyl--
others.-Tid-b bits
mo, Maud, dear the quarterback OF
an excursion steamer is not SO called
because you can get seat on 1t for -
cents Philadelphia Record.
Oldun--The girls are not SO attractive
as they were when | was a young MAN.
Youngun-Don't you mean they are not
SO attracted ?-Cincinnati Tribune
THAT last poem of Jones' has the
right ring, said the editor How 500
"NNhen l opened it a silver dollar
dropped out!'--Atlanta Constitution
He-Why does Miss Middleage persist
in singing my Sweetheart's the Man ln
the Moon?' She-Because he csant
come down and deny it.-Harper's
Bazaar.
Money talks said the oracuIar
boarder. ut talks pretty conclusive
ly,'' admitted the Cheerful Idiot, but
at times it gets ratified" -IndianapOlfS
Journal.
did you look at that bill left yes
terday, sir?" said a collector to nlean-
of &c 10
cit has passed first reading"
change.
Undergrad Bummler (espying his tail
or and his shoemaker sitting together
in tavern)-Donnerwet A meet
ing of creditors, / do beleveLDorE-
barber.
BLESSED if I amt a regular Trilbyr
muttered the man in the CROWD after
being stepped on half dozen timeSr
Everybody gets on to my feet-"-BoS
ton Transcript.
Mrs. Grill-Oh, dear! I've sung to this
baby for an hour, and she hasn't stsp
Bad crying vet Mr.. Grill-PrufgahlE
she has been waiting for you TO stop
Boston Courier.
Ford-Your lawyer made some pretty,
severe charges against the other fellow
didn't he? Smallwort-Y -e-e-s, but YOU
ought to see how he charged rne--Cin-
cinnati Tribune.
Teacher-W letter is the next one
to the letter III % Boy--Dunno, ma'am-
Teacher--What have | on both Sides Of
my nose? BEy--FTeckles, ma'am.--
New York Herald.
Abbott have never been in Chicago
but | have been through the town Il
few times. Babbitt-I have been In
Chicago, but the town went through
me-Indianapolis Journal
'"The curious thing about my busi-
ness" said the mosquito, alighting soft
ly upon the nose of the sleeping victina,
sis that it's more fun to go to work than
it is to stay to hum. Chicago Tri
bune.
Weary Virgins handing dipperl
You look dry Here's drink OF water
Wayside Husks (waving the dipper
away)-What's the use of spelling &
good thirst like I've got?-Chicago
Record.
Miss Wellalong-I think I made quite
u sensation in my antique costume ne
the levee last evening. Miss Market
made-Oh, decidedly! Everybody ex
claimed How APPROPRIATED Boston
Transcript.
Mr.. Figg-Do you know, my boy. that
it hurts me worse than it docs ye1
when / give you whipping? Tons
Honest, paw? "Yes." Just gimme
another lickin' now, will you paw?
Cincinnati Tribune.
s.She treated you pretty stability"
eyes. She's angry. with some one"
with Noug' "Oh, no; not with me"
How do you known Because I'm
the one she's venting her feelings on. y
Chicago Evening Post.
Johnny-AMaw, ] should think IL
would be heap more careless TO cast
pearls before chickens than to cast ,en
before swine" His mother Why 30.
Johnny? johnny. Cause they'd eat
em"-Chicago Tribune.
Rollingstone Nomoss-' Did yoleeS .sr
hear about Ragsey's financial difA&
typ Taterdon Torn-'No, what VA
it," Rolingstone Nonoss Some gent
give i'm a quarter, an he swallowed it
Philadelphia Record. ,ss
First new woman-.Thaf Mrs TIM
phry is horribly lacking in Manners
Second new woman-''Whati s the mat
ter!" First new Woman-sI saw hrr
in street car the other day when 4
number of gentlemen entered, and size
never offered to give up her seat To
them" Chicago Record.