Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-12-26

Hoax-"Does your dentist take pains
with is work." Joax-''No; he gives
them. "-Philadelphia Record.
Alice (the friend)-"I don't see how
anyone can help loving Blanche Ger
trude the rival can't help 1t
herself."-Life. 80 CE
Fudy-"There goes Grabwell. He's
what call self-made man." buddy
Yes; people who know him intimate
ly say he is all self.'-Boston Tran
script.
He-"What leads you to call Mrs.
Smilax eccentric?" She-"She was tell
ing story the other night and began
1t: When was girl "-Philadelphia
Record.
Attorney for the defense-"Now,
what time was it when you We're held
upy Complainant-"I don't know; AK
your client-he took my watch. Chi
cago Tribune.
"Where are you going, my pretty maid? :"
ITO my Christmas shopping, pa" she
said.
Pa drew check and wiped his eye,
And thought of the coming buy and buy.
New York Herald.
The heiress-"I'm afraid papa Will
never consent" The impecunious-'ls
your father down on me" The heiress
-"No; he says he's up to you. Boston
Courier.
"Her father won over $1,000 from the
baron last month at cards" "Apd then
the baron asked him for her hand!
Eyes. He wanted to get his money
back.''-Life.
She-"She's just about your age,
isn't she?" He-"No, I'm much the
older" She--"What makes you think
SOP He-"We were born in the same
month of the same year."-Chicago
Record.
Weary Watkins-"My folks always
told me was cut out fer gentleman
Hungry Higgins-"Mebbe you was,
pardner, but eff you was you sure be-
long in the misfit department. In
dianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Snaggs-I was out after tips this
afternoon. Mr.. Snaggs (who has had
expensive experiences with tps)-Not
tips on stocks, surely? Mrs. Snaggs-
No; ostrich tips.-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
A rose by any other name would smell
as sweet.
AS truly would, ween, dozen such;
But Just to make the sentiment complete.
A rose by any other name would cost
as much.
Philadelphia Record.
"You walk as if your shoes were too
tight, old man." "Oh, no. They're very
large" ooh, that may be-" well,
then, what" II wasn't referring to
their size. / merely said they We're
tight"-Chicago Post.
Mr.. Dumb called to see about lit
tie bill left here about a month ago.
Mr.. Short-Oh, it's all right; you needn't
be alarmed. I've laid it away where 1t
won't be disturbed. No need for you to
call again.-Boston Transcript.
81 believe" said the young man, 'in
giving the devil his due" "Um-yes,"
replied his father, who was looking
over the stubs Of his check book. "Still,
don't quite see the propriety Of your
paying him at my expense. Washing
ton Star.
Jinks-I am always embarrassed
when want to say the word vase.
don't know whether to say vaze, vace,
vahz, or yawse Binks-You might take
hint from our hired girl. She simply
speaks of all ornaments as them
there."-Truth. Sss0sssoas ~ fsssssasgass
wayworn watsonEw,y, Wat you
, runnin' fer? Did she set the dog on
, We? Perry Patetic-Naw. But she set
, me out a whole half chicken. bread,
, butter'n jelly an pack o. cigarettes.
. | l bet she wants to marry me!-Cincin-
| natl Enquirer.
Cripple-Please help poor man, sir;
{ I lost my leg on the field. Wigwag-
Why, you're too young to have been in
the war. Cripple Qndignantly)-Who's
talking about war? wish you to un-
, derstand, sir, that am an ex-foot-ball
, player-Philadelphi Record.
, "Come, sirrah," said the Sultan; make
, New promises for me,
, And plainly mark them fragile,
: And ship them G. o. D."
, Washington STAR
A little Boston girl who had recently
learned to repeat the Lords prayer was
| uShcu ny ucI hOIuCI N Sic kueW Lu6
meaningof Forgive us our trespasses."
, "Why, yes" she replied; 'it means ex-
cuse US for going on the grass."-Bos-
ton Gazette.
At a kindergarten in Mount Vernon
, during the Thanksgiving exercises, the
question was asked what was the
, name Of the vessel which brought the
, Pilgrims to this country One little
boy, A years old, promptly raised his
hand and replied: II know! 1t was the
Defenderv'-New York Tribune.
"Bliggins is fine fellow" remarked
the promiscuous eulogizer II believe he
, would share his last dollar with a
friend" WELL" replied the chronic
r debtor, maybe he would. I guess I
' have never been so fortunate as to run
! across him when he was down to his
! last dollar. "-Washington Star.
RelfOionS noD