Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1895-09-23
Apostle TEXTS.
scH,pTuRAL SELECTIONS TO FIT SPE-
cIAL OCCASIONS.

Some clergyJnen have peculiar knack
of selecting opposite texts for almost every
possible occasion, but the most amusing
Instances Of appropriateness are just those
undersigned condolences which sometimes
occur when the preachers intentions are
far enough away from any desire to raise
smile.
II Is reported OF the late Mr.. Peter Essle-
mont, once an NJ. p. and subsequently
chairman Of the Scotch fishery board, that
when he was appointed provost Of Aber-
deem he was expected to attend church
with the other magistrates, in accordance
with the usual custom. Something, how
ever, occurred to detain him, and the con-
gregation was much astonished, and, as
may be supposed, not little amused when
the minister gave out as his text, NOW
there was no small stir what was become
OF Peter"
A good story Is told Of the Rev. J. Bate
man, rector of South church, who died not
long ago at the advanced age OF VI. lie
was "A strong low church partisan, and
much to his displeasure, had son VINO Ia
yored ritualistic practices. The son had
often asked his father to occupy MS pull
nit. but the father refused for long time.
Ultimately he consented, and when he as
cended the pulpit he gave out as his text,
"Lord have mercy on my son, Tor ne Is
lunatic." and on this rather strong pas
sage based O vigorous attack on his SON S
tendencies. The feelings OF the son may
be better imagined than described.
There Is q certain vicar OF whom 1t Is
told that, preaching at recent cyclist
church parade, he took for his text, 1.-The
spirit of tho living creature is in the
wheel" When in an East Yorkshire
church a new stove was put in; next sun
day the text given, very appropriately no
doubt, was: "Ahal am warm; have
seen the fire" In the same church when
the squire had given warm scarlet cloaks
to dozen poor old women, the clergyman
selected as his text, "Solomon In all his
glory was not arrayed like one of these,
which was rather hard on the recipients Of
the charity.
The story told Of the Rev. DR.. Howard,
rector of st. Georges, Southwark, and
chaplain to Princess Augusta, has beef
frequently quoted, but will bear repeti
ton in this connection This gentle man
was fond Of good living and was continu-
ally In debt with many Of the tradesmcn
in his parish. Specially for the benefit OF
his creditors, he one day preached from the
text, "Have patience and l will pay yop
all, expatiating at great length on the vir-
tues of patience, and finally wound up
with the words, II now come to the second
part Of my discourse, which Is and will
pay you ALL but that shall defer to fu-
ture OCCASION"
When the minister was struggling top put
on n fourfold extra starched collar and
the perspiration was starting from every
pore, BLESS the collar" he muttered,
"oh, yes, bless it'll bless the blessed col
lar" to him entered his wife, who at this
particularly opportune moment PROFOUND
ed the simple enough query, "My dear,
what Is your text for this mornings ser,
monP" To which the sorely tried parson
replied, in short gasps: 'T-Twenty
v-verse, fifty fifth Psalm. The w-words
of his m-mouth were s-smoother than
b-butter, but war twas in his heart.
But not only as the pegs whereon ser
mons are hung arc Apostle texts used,
they are also brought forward in other
connections, Of which many instances
might be given. When DR.. Pierson was
requested to take charge of the Metropol-
itan Tabernacle some time ago, he com
municated his acceptance In manner
both unique and economical. His cable
gram ran as follows: philemon 90. Pier
son" and the text in question reads, But
withal prepare me also lodging, for l
trust that through your prayers l shall be
given unto you," the code being thus
mnnifestly very efficient one.
Texts may be and frequently are wrestcd
very far from their proper use. AS an ex-
ample, take the case of the church going
merchant who found that one Of his col
leotors had fraudulently retained some OF
the money. To the merchants indignant
inquiry rs to the meaning of his disgrace
full action the bold offender replied that it
was the result of his following the injunc
ton OF the Bible. Astonishcd beyond
measure, the merchant asked what in
junction is that" receiving the reply.
"That which reads, Hold fast that which
Is good. Money is good thing to hold on
to, isn't itY"
Far better was the Glasgow policeman E
remark when asked for his views on the
subject Of police pensions. He said that
Burns, when an exciseman, had put them
exactly In his famous toast, Here's to the
last verse of the last chapter of the last
book of Kings" Nothing more would he
say, and his querist on reaching home
ran as follows: "And his allowance was a
continual allowance given him of the
king daily rate for every day, all the
days of his life.
Early In the century there was a sect OF
religionists known as the "Ranters. One
Of the sect, a Newcastle baker, had tall,
strong young man as one of his appren'
tices One day the master, displeased with
something he had done, laid hold of him
and gave him an angry blow with his
clinched fist, accompanying the chastise'
mont with the text, "If nien smite thee
on the one cheek, turn unto him the Other
also" But the apprentice, equally versed
in Scripture replying, with what meas
uro We mete it shall be measured unto you
again." knocked his master down.
A tradesman once defended his habit OF
charging higher prices to the well to do by
quoting the apostolic words Charge them
that are rich," while an American firm
got into trouble by sending out bills tC
debtors of long standing in black borderet
envelopes, bearing in small type in one
corner these three texts: "Let us wall
honestly" lowe no man anything,
"Many days and years shall We be trou
bled," this novel procedure being mani
testify an infringementof the law forhiddins
requests for payment of debts to be sent il,
. Al.