Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-01-07
HUMOROUS.

success In business is paved by tho
typesetter and made smooth by the
printing-press.
Polite old gentlsman--Ah, whom
have the honor of addressing? Pat
(very much puzzled )--Shure who Else
but me, sor?
South Sea Islands Housewife--The
new missionary looks dreadfully sour.
Her Husband-Well, he'll do for can
ming, anyway.
She-'Tsn't it cruel to Kill birds to
trim hat?" He---"Very cruel in
deed?" She---"Don't buy me hat---
buy me sealskin coat"
In Autumn's chill no song is hear,r
No feathered songsters note is duo
And there's the difference, lucky bird,
'Twixt very many men and you.
Magistrate--And did they ever find
any clew to that murder mystery?
Ofiicer--Yes sir, they've found the
body of the murdered man.
Mr.. Softleigh-Now, really, how
long do you think you could love
man? Miss Fickel - Oh, anywhere
between five feet eight and six feet
Johnny Ito his sister Emma, if
you give me bit of your cake I'll
spoil the piano SO that you won't DO
able to take lesson for fortnight.
A society belle was told that her
fiance was foolish fellow. 81 guess
he is" she admitted. SIT seems to
me the smart men have quit marry
ing"
Gent--How came you to put your
hand in my pocket? Pickpocket--Beg
your pardon. 1 am so absent minded.
l had once pair of trousers like those
you are wearing.
"What perfectly charming man
Mr.. Twitter is" Maud-I never
heard him say clever thing. ''No,
but he can move about the room with
out stumbling over the rugs"
kiss is likea bath,
That you take from the river
You can take and take and take.
And take 'em on forever,
And still there's just as many
AS il you hadn't never taken any.
'Poor Dibblesl They say he got
a pair of beautiful black eyes at the
seashore. l feel sorry for him"
"You needn't. He got n deucedly
handsome girl with them"
Hungry Guest-Td like to have a
sprig of parsley with this sirloin.
Waiter-Sorry, sir, but the bunch Of
PAISLEY we've been usin' today, was ct
up by the last man that had steak.
Husband---"Wh so happy?" Wifo
bridget, the cook, is going to re-
main with lis after all. Mrs. Jones,
to whose situation she was going, died
last week. Wasn't it sweet of her?"
Darling" he murmured fondly,
'you are the only girl 1 have ever
loved!" "That's all right" she re-
sponded thoughtfully; "but am the
only girl you are ever going to love9"
The young man said 81 love but thoe"
She looked up to the top
OF splendid overarching tree
And cried: "Just now it seems to me,
heard n chestnut drop"
Mrs. Gabb-Yes, my daughter ap-
pears to have married very happily.
Her husband has not wealth, it must
be admitted, but he has family. Mrs.
Gadd--Yes, heard he was widower
with six children.
Mrs. Gabb-Yes, my daughter ap-
pears to have married very happily.
Her husband has not wealth, it must
be admitted, but he has family. Mrs.
Gadd-Yes, l heard he was q widower
with six children.
Strawber--You look o. il you had
been laid up old man. Singerly--I
have been; 1 announced my engage
ment last week. Why should
that lay you up? Singerly-I an
nounced it to her father.
"No," said Knogood, despondently,
81 haven't been discharged; but they
removed me from my place as boss,
they removed me from the best work
and afterwards removed me to the
lowest grade; and three removes, you
know, are as bad as a fire."