Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-03-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

pass.
When O man is his own enemy he
can't help winning the fight. PUCK.
sThere goes an old flame of mine!" |"
as the sun said when the comet came
into perihelion. Puck.
Dentist "What are the last teeth
that come?' Brilliant Student
'False teeth, I guess. Life.
Example is stronger than precept;
but precept is expected to do great
deal Of examples work-Puck.
His love, he said, was like the sea.
The maiden answered quick
She thought that he was right in that
Because it made her sick.
OF course we don't know what 1t If
to pass night in the tomb, but we
have slept in spare bedroom. -Atchl
son Globe.
$50 Mr.. Onedge is averse to music?
sI should say SO. He won't even use
rubber bands in his office. -. New
York Mercury.
'I see you have glass eye, Pat.
ssYes, yer 'anner; but it's swindle,
sir. 1 can't see nuthin' out OF 1t. " -
New York Mercury.
We often hear men complaining OF
their hopes being dissipated, and as
rule that's just what ails the complain
ant Richmond Dispatch.
"When will man be able to fy?" in
uuires an exchange. just as soon as
he has been o trusted bank cashier
for eight or ten years. s.-Troy Press.
This world would be happy world
And men would all be brothers,
II people did themselves one-half
That they expect OF others.
Boston Courier.
Mr.. Smith is an estimable and ami
able but harmless gentleman who
during his lifetime has starved his
brains to feed his whiskers. Syracuse
Courier.
Mrs. Bacon-"It is terrible down at
your boarding house. You can never
get any hot water" Mr.. Bacon
"Only we have soup, my dear
Statesman.
A clergyman named Fiddle refused
to accept the title of d. D., because,
as he said, he didn't want to be called
the Rev. Ichabo Fiddle, D. D."--New
York Mercury.
"How could you conscientiously tell
Miss Elder that she is the only woman
YOU ever loved?" cit is fact. Com
pared to her, the others were mere
girls. Boston Budget.
Bagley-"That pawnbroser bowed
to your wife; does he know her"
Brace--'I presume he feels that ne
does; he has seen her picture SO often
inside the case of my watch.
Blinks (meditatively)---"What q
greedy world this is; the great ma.
iority of people, always after money"
Hardup (sadly)---"Yes; and long way
after it, too. buffalo Courier.
Your new servant girl is very
pious, I hear?" eyes. If she was as
careful about the crockery as she is
about the ten commandments she
would be jewel. New York Press.
$50 Rusher has got a job at last,
eh? I wonder is it that one with the
sleeping car company?" 81 guess
not. At least he told me he'd struck a
comfortable berth. buffalo Courier.
Primus--"D "Dalton's sight has become
strangely affected, poor fellow. He
sees everything double" Secondus--
''By Jovel I'm glad you mentioned
it. owe him pound, and I'll tender
him this half SOY. ."--Tit-Bits.
"Dear me-" said Mr.. Meekins, ''it
seems SO absurd for men to be con.
stantly talking about their wives
having the last word. never object
to my wife having the last word. I"
"You don't?" "Not bit. l always
feel thankful when she gets to it"
An Irishman recently applied for an
enlistment in a United States army re-
cruiting office. 'Do you know any
thing about drilling?" asked the Off
Ger. "Oi do" answered Pat. "lt's
twelve an half cints yard at amy
av tn drygoods shtores. London
Globe.
Kate-"I want to tell Aunt Susan
about my engagement, but l don't
know whether l can trust her or not.
/ don't want it to get out just yet. !"
Edith ''Trust her? Of course you
can't. You know she makes no secret
of her age, and woman who will tell
her age will tell anything. "--Boston
Transcript.