davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
KICKING ON THE UMPIRE.
The Colloquy That Should and the One
That Does Take Place.

Th0 COll0quy That shOul0 ana the Vna
That Docs Take Place.
Among the many rules for the gov.
ernment Of baseball is one which pro.
vidss that player addressing the UNI.
pire must preface his remarks by a re.
Spectacle "Mr. Umpire" Those pat
rbns of the game who fondly imagine
that the rules are enforced have doubt
less often seen captain stride in the
direction of the autocrat OF the dia-
mond with cleaning eye. compressed
lips and clenched hands. The player
confronts the umpire, who stands
camly chewing gum like contempla.
tive heifer in clover patch. The
players lips are seen to move, he ges-
ticulates wildly and his attitude is that
u an avenging Nemesis. Owing to the
distance Of the two men from the
grand stand the spectators can not
hear word, but they assume the play.
er's remarks are about like this:
'sMr. Umpire, your decision was in.
tolerably unjust. Did DR.. Mulcahy
possess as many arms as an octopus,
and each one as long as the Brooklyn
bridge, he could not have touched Mr.
Ratigan, who slid like an eel in a tub
Of butter. That decision deprives us
of run and may eventually result in
our defeat. Mr.. Umpire, am loath to
believe that you are prejudiced against
the Boomtararas, but the trend of your
decisions forces me to chat conclusion.
asstre you that unless you OCCASION
ally acknowledge our presence in the
field and in the game, protest will be
lodged against you."
During the argument the umpire
chews gum with the greatest industry,
and when the player patses to take a
breath the umpire is seen to wave his
hand and delivera few remarks, which
the spectators presume are in this
strain: Capt. Gilhooly, you structures
on my judgment are uncalled for. I
decided Ratigan out because he was
not safe. / decline to be intimidated
by threatened protests, and l insist
that you retire to the bench"
Then the game goes on and the
spectators breathe easy, but they are
ignorant Of what really passed between
the player and the umpire. AS mat
ter of fact, says the the Syracuse
Standard, Capt. Gilhooly spoke as fol-
lows:
Sa-a-y! You sap-headed clown from
GRANVILLE, whut We tryin' to Civ us,
ennyhow? Take us fer green goods
guys? sa-a.y! got mind to biff ye
in the chops! Why, dat man wasen't
out by three feet. Ye give me pain,
ye do. Sa-a-y Know what I'll do to
your I'll put ye out of de business.
Yes will; what chance we got fer
de pennant wild your rank decisions?
Sa-a-y you broke into baseball with
q jimmy. didn't ye? Now, look here,
you lunk-headed lulu, you put the XII
bosh on us again an yell git run out
Of the grounds. For two cents I'd soak
yer!"
Then the umpire responds as follows:
"Go on, now! Git over to the bench,
you knocker! You can't bulldoze me,
and you won't get nothin' that don't
belong to you, see? Now go and squat.
or I'll put ten dollars on your
Capt Gilhooly thereupon slowly re-
turns to the bench, and the spectators
say: That's right, Cap, call him
DOWN.. Y. World.
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
without Labor.

Mr.. Spriggs was complaining because
SO much effort was required in succeed.
ing even SO poorly as he did.
"Well," exclaimed Mrs. Spriggs, ibid
you ever get anything without work-
ing hard for it?"
"Yes, l have" he said, discontents
edly.
"Oh, guess not" insisted Mrs s.
"But know have"
"What was it. I'd like to know?'
"a bad cold, my DEAR" and Mr..
Spriggs took heart again and smiled
Detroit Free Press.
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
A Trifie Embarrassing.

Gus De Smith-There are couple Of
twin sisters in Harlem who are SO much
alike that they are continually being
taken for each other.
Dudely Canesucker-That must be q
trifle awkward for the fellow who hap
pens to be courting one of them.
Gus De Smith--Well, l should say so
They are so much alike that he has to
tell them everything together, for it is
impossible to tell them apart.
Siftings.
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
A self-Made Man.

Small Boy-Papa, what is a self
made man?
Papa self-made man, my boy, 10
one who is always described as having
commenced life as bootblack or an
office boy, while the rest OF us ordinary
mortals began this world as bowling
infants.
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
RAIN AND SHINE.

oant have sunshine all the time
Got to como rain;
Tho dry land-it gits thirsty,
An the mountain an the plniA
They cry out fer drop to drink,
An all the within flowers
Is glad to see the rain fall FREQ,
An freshen with the showers.
Can't have sunshine eli tho time;
Glad fer rain to fall
Fills the wells an makes the delis
Look fresh an sparklin'-alL
The ratndrop makes tho roses grow,
An II the rivera rise,
They water oil the land, an 60
Jest stngin' meath the skiesl
Cant have sunshine oil the time:
like rainy day;
Fer that's the tine FOR readin' books,
Or maxim adde's play.
70 home, Or to the grocery store.
I'm happy when 1t rains;
Fer they need II on the mountains,
An it's welcome on the plainsi
Atlanta Constitution
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
Chlpped a Piece on.

Mamma-(to Reggie, who has had a
fall)-Oh, my poor darling! Did you
hurt yourself very badly?
Reggy = (bawling) - Yes, I d-i-i-d.
But dom t ca-a-a-re! My nt-o-o-se was
too bi-i-ig answa-a-ay.-Judse,
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
At the Theater.

THAT" exclaimed the exceedingly
tall man who could see the stage, is ca
pable of two constructions"
The individual of medium height,
who could see nothing but millinery,
readily assented.
"A great deal of it," he remarked
with gloom, '.seems to have been made
over once or twice already."-Detroit
Trihune
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
Tho Musical Prodigy.

'It strikes me that he has good
deal of assurance to call himself a boy
pianist. He must be all of twenty
five."
"Guess he is; but. he plays like boy
of nine. e."-Indianapolis journal.
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30

-Wiggles-I know just what to take
for seasiclsness. Waggles leagerly)-
Do you? What is it? Wiggles-An
ocean eamer-Somervillc journal.
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30

Mrs. Reader-Stop at bookstore,
and pick out a novel for me.
-Daughter-Whats sort?
Mrs. Reader-Try to get an old-fash-
ioned novel, in which the hero and
heroine are separated by cruel parents
am little tired of the young woman
with mission.--N. Y. Weekly.
The Van Buren press., 1895-03-30
In Hard Luck.

Jones--How's Wheeler getting along
since he bought bicycle?
Brown-On crutches, BELIEVES
Life.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
RIDICULOUS ORGAN.
Is plain

Our narrow partisan contemporary,
the Intelligencer, in straining its in
genulty to manufacture some plea,
other than a purely partisan one, on
which TO appeal for votes for its party
ticket, hit upon the ridiculous scheme
Of aping metropolitan style, and, with
out in the least knowing what it was
talking about, blathering vaguely about
the "Clty hall ring" and the CITY
Hall machine.
The Register the other day Knocked
the wind out Of this silly parrot talk by
showing of the offices in the City
Hall, while two were filed by Demo
Gratis, that
The head aud front, the Mayor Of
the City. is an active Republican.
The City Treasurer isa Republican.
The city Health Officer is a Republi-
can, together with all his ASSISTANTS
The Water Board is under Republic
can control.
The City Surveyors assistant is Re-
publican.
10 other words, the Register proved
concusively that il there was any
ring" or machine" about the City
Hail il must be a Republican concern,
for the majority Of the offices in the
City Hall were flied by Repu blicans.
Nothing daunted by this exposition
OF its blind, reckless partissnship, and
ignorance. or worse, the lnteiilgencer,
with a mixture Of idiocy and cheek
rarely eQualed, returns % the charge
and endeavorS 10 sQuirm out Of It's
ridiculous position ia this fashion;
The Register is conveniently ignorant
in protesting not TO know that the Intelli-
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24

gencer's comment on the Democratic party
machine had especial reference 10 the po-
lice force. and the clique in control OF the
gas Office. which are being and nave Oeen
used as machines" for party purposes
In other words this sublimely rldlcu-
Ions organ tells its readers, while the
Mayor, City Treasurer, the Health OIL
Ger and all his assistants, the Water
Board, it's Superintendent, and others
are all Republicans, that the Demo
Gratis, who have only the Gas Board
and City Sergeant. and are in ths min
GRITTY, run a powerful city machine"
and constitute the "City Hall ring"
Ignorance or disregard OF city
affairs, rank partisanship, and Ut
ter subserviency Of the public in
terest to selfish partisan ends were
never more thoroughly exemplfied
than In the attitude Of the Intelli-
gencer in the city campaign just closed.
Not once has it spoken for the interests
of the people, or in the interests OF
non.partisan and business management
of the city's purely business affairs. Its
efforts have been solely to stir up party
feeling and strife, and 10 ignore the
business interests of the city in the ef-
fort to secure q partisan victory and a
partisan division OF the spells.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
rar scnrME HAroHlNe.

The Legislative bosses a. Charleston
Al the behest OF she Republican commit
see of Ohio county, have undertaken TO
,prn the city government inside out
without asking tho consent of the Deo-
nile. or Council. or anybody else, regard
;pa the new charter, or even deigntng
% let anyone outside the little Repubh-
can CLIQUE know anything about the
,roposed changes, except as they may
leak out at Charleston,
One scheme. namely, TO put the
t5Ymb-screws on The saloon element In
.he interest o. the Republican party, by
,lacipg the rover to grant licenses in
,bo hands OF one oGicisl, Republican,
has caused the greatest Indignation in
,,s civ where the slick scheme is IN
serstood aad appreciated.
Heaven and the Republican commit
,se alone know what che other proposed
changes are, but it is safe 70 say that If
,ho Panubllcan bosses succeed in get
ing on top IN the city through to-day 5
election, they snd their brethren at
!, charleston, will eventually tie this
inv ND so tight politically that prac-
.icauv. TO DO business requiring Official
,.,c,iop in 10 a man will moi only nave
70 swear allegiance to the Republican
machine. "a Tsmuany' but the ma
,ori,v Of those now in business will have
- car out 10 favor OF few favOrites
Who will be given monopoly on the
Pennsylvania plan.
II the people will rise up and dsiea'
.,sso arrogant aud iasolent bosses at
Ina pons today, the proposed new aud
l,f,mous partisan charter scheme will
10 sropped ike red-hO' penny.
The Register appeals 10 liberal minded
psnnblieans TO aid in defeating this in
ANGUS. unjus, and outrageous scheme
forit will hurt al alike.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
CAUGHT 'EM MAPPING.
THE N0N-UNI0N MEN SAFELY ESCORTED
TO THg BUCKEYE FACTORY,
Much 70 The Surprise Of the Union Men Who Have
Been on the Watch for So LOng-Ihs New
Arrivals About Twenty in Number.
More Expected % Follow.

Yesterday morning about half-past
SIX o'clock the union glassworkers at
Martins Ferry received their first sur
prise. Although the union men were
expecting the non-unionists, the sur
prising part was that they got in town
and inside the Buckeye works before
they (unionists) had any knowledge Of
their presence, and they could not be
convinced fer time that the nom
unIOniSts were really % the glass house.
The non union men came 10 this city
from Little Washington, late Tuesday
night, and remained here at hotel till
morning, when, under the direction
OF Manager Humphrey, OF the Buckeye,
they proceeded 10 Bridgeport, and
thence 10 Martins Ferry bY way OF the
street cars. They got off the car at the
corner of Locust and First streets, and
went directly up First street TO the
glass house, and were inside before q
union man knew anything Of it.
They were about twenty in number,
and from the looks OF affairs yesterday
evening part OF them are already at
work getting the glass in the pots,
which were fred about week ago, in
readiness for use.
the strikers seemed to be nonplussed
over the matter and TO think the men
they had been faithfully watching for
should have arrived withouttheir know
ing it.
Some OF the hot-heads among the
strikers would like to do all in their
power to keep the factory from start
ing, but obedience is to be paid TO the
wiser members Of the union, who are
doing all in their power to keep any
violence from being done.
This is the vanguard only of the non
uniOnists, and more axe hourly expected,
so that work can bsibaRun in full at the
glass house.
The union men affect 10 believe that
the new men will soon become tired of
working and living at the glass house.
They are to eat and sleep inside the
factory buildings, and this will doubtless
become monotonous. The new men
can 90 in and out of the factory at will,
but it is probable they will not venture
out for time, particularly after dark.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
THE CARROLL CLUB.
INTERESTING COMMITTEE MEETINGS RELD
LAST NIGHT.
The Ward Committees Successful in Securing
Stock Subscriptions, Which will Reach
Large Sum in the Aggregate.

The Committee on Organization OF
the Carroll Club, the projected Catholic
social institution, and the committee to
solicit subscriptions of stock TO the
same, met jointly last night, in the Office
OF MIR. Geo. J. Mathison, on Market
street. The meeting was very interest
ing. The last named committee, which
is divided into subcommittee for eacn
ward in the city, reported progress. A
great amount OF work was done in some
sections of the city, and the reports
from these districts were very encourag-
ing. 10 other wards the Indictment
weather and other difficulties were OBJ
staclas in the way Of much success. ALI,
however, promised better results, and
the outlook on the whole is very bright.
The Catholic young men of the city ara
manifesting a lively interest In the pro-
ject.
The charter for the club, recently re-
ceived from the Secretary Of State, was
shown TO the committees Another
meeting OF these committees will be
held on February 9th, al 1870 o'clock
D. ~, at Mr. Nj athison'S Office.
A general meeting Of stockholders
has been called for Thursday evening,
February 14th, at Convent Hall, adj
Joining st Joseph's Cathedral. The
meeting will be called to order at eight
o'clock sharp. The principal business
to be transacted will be the election OF
q Board Of Directors. IL is expected
that the Board will go to work immedi-
ately 10 determine upon location, and
the erection and equipment of snlta-
BILE club house.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
SMALL TALA.

Minor dIstsrI or INTEREST SrIsiy and
PlthuV ToiL
THOMAS E. BEANS had an operation
for cataract performed upon both eyes,
at the Wheeling Hospital, yesterday
morning. The operation was success
full.
MISS ELIZA BETH HARRISON, daughter
Of Hugh Harrison, VINO had one of her
limbs amputated some time ago, at the
Wheeling Hospital. is convalescing rap
IDLY, and is able 20 move about her room
with the aid OF a crutch.
THE ST.. Alphonsus Brass Brand has
organized and elected the following
officers: Peter Pocki, president: Geo.
Kreush, vice president; Edw. Kramer,
secretary and treasurer. The band is
making good head way and is rendering
good music.
A MARTINS FERRY gentleman con-
nected with the Buckeye Glass Works
at that place, and which is trying to
start up again with non-union men,
was in Washington yesterday, endeav-
orng to hire glassworkers. de did not
succeed, however, Washington Re
porter.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
WOODsFIELD.

WOoDsFIELD, ONO, January o.
Mrs. Amanda j. Smith received from
her sister, Mrs. Whiting, Of Illinois,
who is spending the winter at Los An
geles, box OF flowers by mail, which
came through aud retained their per-
fume nicely. While we are having the
mercury down 20 zero, they are having
warmth and sunshine.
Witty 81 McKonn are drilling
through the vault in the Probate
Judges office preparatory to putting in
light. They also put one in the Mon
roe Banks vault few weeks ago.
Mr.. Shields goes to williamsburg
Thursday night 10 the Odd Fellows
Lodge, and Saturday night to Caring-
ton Lodge.
Mr.. Edd. MillhOwe arrived home last
evening after a visit OF two weeks with
friends and relatives, and Mr.. c. T.
Barry returns home to Caldwell to-day
Mr. Dye of Mechanisburg was tried
to-day for selling drinks on Sunday,
pleSd guilty to the charge, and was
fined fifty dollars and costs and fifteen
days in jail.
Mrs. Yockey received 4 telegram
from Caios Tuesday that her mother
was very sick. She left on the noon
train.
The blizzard has arrived. II is snow
ing and blowing a regular hurricane.
The casing in the Schumacher well is
stuck and they are going to blow it out
to-day with gycerine. They can neither
get IL up nor down.
Do not fail 20 see the fine display Of
paper flowers at Bert Jones store.
Mr.. George Nef, Of Laings, was in
town Wednesday.
Mr.. Peter Keohler is quite sick at
his daughters Mrs. James Adams.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
WILL CRIPPLE THE SCHOOLS.

The Republican Legislature Scaihs 'h7
Appropriations for the state schools TO
Raise Money TO Pay Officers created
without a snow OF Necessity.
Speea % M Es0lster.
CHARLESTON, w. VA, January "a
The Finance Committee OF the House
OF Delegates is at work on the appropii-
alton bill They are scaling down the
appropriations for the educational In
situations of the State 10 such
a low figure as will seriously
cripple these institutions in their use
fulness, and 1t is feared that IL Will re-
suit in q retrogression rather than an
advancement in the cause OF education
in the State. There must necessarily
be cut in the appropriations for the
University and Norma! schools in order
80 enable the Legislature to provide
salaries for the new offices created by
the various bills now pend
ing. The railroad commission
ers, the labor commissioners, the
new mine inspectors and the numerous
other commissioners to go on the State
pay roll would bankrupt the State un-
less there is big cut In the appropria-
tions in some other directions. The
State educational institutions have been
selected, it seems, as tho place where the
carving knifSof the Finance Committee
is TO be used with the greatest yigor.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24

The Register recently attacked him
1BenuettI. making a charge that there was
more crime under mis- administration tnan
~ present. This charge will not stand in-
,-estiqstion in the light of ths facts, but II
sboula bs borne In mind that Capt. Ben
net had only about Oue-thlrd as large po-
lice force as now Acknowledgements.
Captain Bennett had a force OF nine
teen men besides himself. II it was
only one-third as large as at present,
she force must Low consist Of aity-seven
men, aud we know that II consists Of
only twenty-seven men; or, ia proper
zion 20 the growth Of the town, IS now
no larger than il was in Captain Ben
astEs time. Toe organs excuse for
tpe prevalence Of crime under his ad-
miuistration wont hold water.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24

TIE Register sUrmises that those Dem
ocrats who we're incautiOus enough last
fail 10 let the tail 90 with the hide and
give the Republicans the Legislature as
we'll as Congress, will be heartily sick
Of thsir bargain long before they are
half through with il. Just stick pin
in here. Their last chance to throw an
anchor to windward is given them to-
day. Let them defeat the Republican
bosses to-day in the city election and
partisan legislation at Charleston with
regard TO this city's present valuable
charter will be dropped o. modified.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
THE NATIONAL GUARD.
The Military Men In CharIestOn Watchin &
she Progress OF Their Oil.

| The Military Men In CharIeston Watchin &
she Progress OF Their Oil.
| SpeciGE 10 NJ RrG.Scs-
| CHARLESTON. w. VA January 23.-
The military men OF the State are at the
Capital. watching the progress Of the
bill prepared by them providing for the
reforming Of the State militia. The
| joint committee OF the two Houses,
whose duty 10 is to consider and report
upon the bill, held meeting
last night in the Office Of Adju-
tant General Holly and went over
the provisions of the bill. Among
those present besides the members OF
the two committees, were General Jos.
A. Holly, General 3. d. Spillman OF
PaFkersOurg: Lieut.. Col. ID. +. b.
Casteele; OF Buckhapnon; Maj Phil. A
Schaffer, Of Monndsville: Col. Thos. E.
Hodges, and Maj w. Fl. Banks, OF
Huntington.
The two committees decided TO make
favorable report upon the bill to the
Senate and House, respectively, and
as there seemed 10 be little, If
any opposition 10 the bill
the probabilities are that it will pass.
IL contains aDOu6 GD6 same pTOflsiobs
as that of q similar bill which almost
got through at the session two years
ago. 1t provides, among other things,
for court martial for the trial OF prl.
Yates for characterization and other Of
lenses. Under the military law OF the
State as 10 now stands there Is no
remedy for the disregard OF or
ders by privates, as was
shown a few years ago when some Of
the members of the West Virginia Ma
tiona Guard were arraigned for trial,
notTbly those OF Parkersburg. Judge
Jackson decided that the present law
provided no penalties for insuOordina-
tien of bhe priYates, and the consequence
was the militismen were released, and
there has been no attempt made since
that time 10 punish members OF the
National Guard for disobeying orders,
except to give them an honorable dis
charge.
With the passage Of this bill, and an
adequate appropriation by this Legisla-
ture for the maintenance OF the State
militia, it may be hereafter OF valuable
service to the State.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-01-24
IN SOCIETY.
Some Plitaud Prospective Events In the
Gay World.

Gay World.
Although pow-wow OF the jovial
tribe of Snowballs had been arranged
for Friday evening, it was considered to
be inexpedient TO neglect the usual
night so often; hence, those In favor OF
dual council met at the wigwam.
Those present at the meet comprised
the oldwsrriors. in point OF attendance,
and the degree of excellence seemed
accentuated in inverse ratio 10 the
numerical strength of the participants.
Friday evenings meeting will be
held at the home OF Walter and Howard
Miner, South Chapline street 1t will
have a double object, being the ami
versary of the birth OF Miss May Rose,
and celebrating the convalescence of
Howard Miner, who has experienced q
severe siege of acute pneumonia. Next
Tuesday Miss Carrie Reed, OF Eoff
street, commentaries her nativity by
entertaining her Snowfall friends. An
election OF officers is due for the COM
ing meeting and the modesty OF the
candidates is exemplary, for they have
not had one torchlight procession and
withstand the frantic adulation OF their
admirers with the fortitude of stolcs.
-
DR.. w. s. Yates, the wellknown Pitts
burg dentist, who some time ago con
Quoted a business here In Wheeling,
and Miss Loa T. Carroll, daughter Of
Mr.. NJ. K Carroll, millwright, will be
married at the BRIDES residence, 1856
Main street, at 3 p. N. to-day. Rev. A.
B. Riker, pastor of the Fourth Street
NJ. L. Church, will perform the cere-
mony. The couple will spend two
weeks visiting some Of the large East
ern cities, and then return to Pittsburg,
where they will reside permanently.
The KATIE Visite ct Mozart Hall Tues.
day afternoon and evening, was one of
the most enjoyable entertainments ever
given by the Mozart Society. About
two hundred persons were present. An
excellent supper was served by the
ladies, and the affair concluded with
ball.