The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-09-08

Ruined mt 60. lie starts on n Quest Of
Health and Funds.

Mrs Pond, on his way around the world.
He Is IN very poor health. and the voyage
is undertaken in the hope that change
of air and freedom from worry may avert
the collapse which appears 10 threaten
him.
After along period of overwork came
the shock OF the acutest financial dis
aster possible for man 10 encounter
that Is. he lost everything, and is COM
PEELED at a time when he should be rest
ing as "A reward for his years OF labor
To start afresh the battle Of life Before
sailing, the invalid received a party OF
newspaper men.
Il am glad to see YOU" said Mark
Twain. Il am somewhat of a news
paper man myself, and we are hard
up, happy, Care-free lot, take US alto
gether. i do not want 10 tell you Of
my business troubles. / have never
wanted to do that 70 any one since one
day years and years ago. The foreman
OF the horse-bill department of a pub
ishirg house with which / was con-
nected. printed a card with the legend,
i have trouble of my own, don't tell
yours and hung IL up where those who
ran might read. That card was "A cor
roson TO my soul and seemed to eat
into me, and the impression IL made
has never been effaced. The whole
world knows that / have been In fnan-
cial difficulties. / have given my news
paper friends for publication per-
sonal statement Of how / stand and
what | intended TO do, so that | need not
weary you with any further reference
TO tales Of foreclosures Of creditors.
Just what to talk to you about Is
difficult thing TO decide" he said. 'If 1
were before an audience l could size
them up and know what TO say, but you
will talk to audiences larger and more
diversified than ever was gathered I'm
hall TO listen 20 me.
Speaking of audiences" he continued,
"a small audience is almost sure to be-
come tainted with "A feeling OF sympathy
for the man on the platform. Let that
man become ratified. lose his nerve OF In
any way show that no IS affected by the
absence of a large audience. and that
feeling is apt TO turn 10 something akin
to contempt that IS fatal 10 the enter
tanor or lecturer. and talk he ever SO
wisely he cannot overcome IL.
1T is necessary in such case that
the speaker should at once disabuse the
minds Of his audience of the idea tnat
he is at all I'm need OF sympathy. but
should let them know that he kept
man to do the worrying over business
features, and that ne himself is utterly
oblivous Of the condition OF things in
The box-ofiice.
but about audiences. remember
very well. indeed. giving an address IN
the Exchange Building In the city OF ~.
Louis The Exchange Building was
something like a barn that had gone TO
seed-one OF those great big, hollow,
broad. expansive buildings all on level
The whole would seat something Ike
fifteen hundred people.
THE night that I spoke in that hall
II was i'm lsC5. think-there were twenty
people gathered to hear me. 1 am not
sure about their being gathered. ] nave
a kind Of an idea that they were peo-
pie. the kind that lived In the hall-were
fixtures, as il were, like the benches.
But. any way, / determined that, fix
lures or not, ! was going TO give them
that lecture: so l asked them all 10
come and sit on the front bench, and
then getting over as near the front OF
the platform as / could l talked right
into their faces.
'Behind them stretched that fearful
row Of barren benches. IL was like talk
ing TO people on the edge OF the great
Desert of Sahara, but we had good
time. The lecture was timid for an
hour and "A quarter, but we got along
so well together and were having such
a good time that 1 talked to those pee
ple over two hours, and they were The
most enthusiastic audience ] have ever
had the pleasure OF holding converse
ton with"
Mark Twain here put his hand behind
his head and in doing so knocked down
the candle set at the foot of the bed.
BY the way. it may be said that with
that charming manner that has always
marked his actions, he had his feet in the
bed where other people would have their
heads. lie said that it kinder felt
mere comfortable that way. There
gees that COMPOUNDED candle again,
said he. II look on that candle as a
sort of link between gloom and dark
ness; IT is not very closely connected IN
my mind with the idea of light. re-
member very well when most OF the
hotels were lighted. with coal-oil lamps.
They were not bad; and if you could get
the hall porter 10 let you have half
dozen Of them you could generally de-
cipher the difference between the out
lines Of the bed and bureau.
when gas became more generally
used / hailed it as a glorious Innovation
but / soon discovered that the oconom-
ical landlord had 4 way of dealing win
that gaslight that left a little bit
worse of than you were with the lamps.
ThOa came the electric light. l thought
thar when that came into general use
We had at last got into an era OF Il sooo
bedroom light. but find that l nave
again been deceived. They put up NICE
elcctrolier with about four burners on H.
but YOU generally find that three o. mem
have that smoky appearance that petoN-
ens y burnt out nlament You send word
10 the Office 10 have 1t repaired. FOR thls
they keep a bellboy dressed up In over
als so as TO look like all electrician. In
respouse To your call up comes this suit
~ o,eralls with the bellboy inside OF II
and monkeys with the turner's mat
uon,t light up. He pretends 10 fix them.
hnt ne never does. They continue nom
illuminant up 10 the time Of yous de-
pariure.
towns they run their electric light on
fxed-hour system. The lgh, comes in At
n certain time and goes out az certain
time. In this hotel. for example. We have
TO &c to bed rs a rule with the candle
because The light quits at 2 y NJ. In
these fixed-hour towns il docs not make
any difference how dark or gloomy the
afternoon may be. or how carly the
shades OF evening gather round. you can
not get your light until certain hour.
II IL gets dark at 7. NJ. you have 10
amuse yourself chasing shadows until
g."
Major Pond then forbade Mark Twain
from talking any longer and the humorist
dismissed his visitors with farewell
handshake.-New York Herald.
The Kentucky Way.
He raved of kisses carbolized
Unto the maid, sedate.