Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-02-21
SprinkIes of Spice.

a justice III court.
"Our engagement Is quite a secret,
you know" $50 everybody tells me-"
Pail Mall Budget.
A Frankfort man has written a farce
comedy called vaccine 1t ought to
take.-Philadelphia Record.
"Dr. White is a specialist, is he not?
What Is his s%pecialty:' HE has two
consultation and fees."--Vogue.
MISREPRESENTATION was your wife's
last birthday? McSwitters-A good
many years ago.-Syracuse Post.
How did Smith happen to get such a
big literary reputation? Criticised
'Trilby.' Atlanta Constitution.
ITO me, her face lacks something"
"Well, when I saw her last it had about
all it could stand."-Brooklyn Life.
Until the skating season shall have
closed a mans bumps have nothing to
do with phrenology.-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Miss Robbins sings like a bird,
doesn't she?" Mr.. Blank-"No; they
stop singing sometimes."-Chicago IN
Ter Ocean.
Young man, don't you know you
ought to lay something by for a rainy
day. Il do; my rubbers.'-New
York Recorder.
He-How we'll Miss Elderberry car
ries her age! She-But then she has
become so accustomed to it. you know.
Boston Transcript.
A Friend-If you love her, old fell
low, why don't you marry her? Bach.
elor Doctor-Marry her? Why, she is
one of my best patients.-Life.
Thank the Lord" said the farmer,
"cotton's gone up at last" you don't
say!' Eyes; yonder goes ten bales in
a cyclone."--Atlanta Constitution.
Chinese Emperor nervously)-What
news? Ofticial-Japan is now anxious
for peace. Emperor (gloomily)-Y-e-s,
but ho" big a piece?-New York Week.
ly.
S~uffragist-1 tell you the women are
advancing right along. Gayboy-Yes,
the married ones; single mes never get
beyond a certain stage.-Boston Cou.
rier.
He-There is only a half hour until
train time and your trunk isn't half
packed. She-Don't worry, dear; l
have my bonnet on.-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
New Boarder-What's the row up.
stairs? Landlady-It's that professor
Of hypnotism trying to get his wife's
permission to so out this evening"
Tit-Bits.
Allow do you know that Mailer has
come in for a fortune? B-Why, form.
erly people always said he was crazy;
now they say he's original.-Lustige
Blaetter.
Suitor-I have come to ask for your
daughter, sir. Father-Take her, young
a You are the only one who want.
ed more than my daughters hand
Syracuse Post.
Little Ethel-Why is it womens is al.
ways complainin' about the hired girli
Little Dot-Oh, that's just so folks will
know they can afford to keep One.-
Good News.
First Theatrical Manager-Going to
have a tank in your piece this season1
Second Theatrical Manager (enthusi.
astically)-Every man in my company
Is q tank.-Life.
These s%leighings give the tin horn fend
A chance to blow his strains;
But, oh, alas! and oh. alack!
He can't blow out his brains!
Cincinnati Tribune.
Mr.. Cawker (after his wife has read
several pages-Is there any news in
your mothers letter, my dear? Mrs.
Cawker-I haven't come to the post
script yet.-Truth.
A Germantown bride grew indignant
when her grocer asked If she wanted
any cracked wheat. She replied that
she could afford to buy the very best.
Philadelphia Record.
Benevolent Old Man-Here's a quar-
ter. SO you were sent to Yale when
quite young? Ragson Tatters-Did I
say dat? I meant Jail; l can't per.
nounce de "j!"-Philadelphia Record.
The Foreman acknowledgements
down here at Z o'clock-wanted to see
you. Henry (shufaing into the room
pulling off his coat at S:15-Who was it?
The Foreman with a metallic click)-
Me, sir.-Kansas City Star.
Teacher-History relates that when
Harpagos asked Cyrus to rebel against
his grandfather, he sent him a letter in
q rabbit. Why did he do that? Pupil
Because at that time they had no en-.
velopes.-Fliegende Batter.
Eyes, young ladies'" said the profes.
sor, "Pallas Athene, the Grecian god.
dess Of wisdom, was unmarried" And
from that day the goose wondered why
those girls wouldn't study! 1t was q
bad break.-New York Recorder.
II see," observed Mr.. Chugwater,
looking over his morning paper,
they're making another effort to put
q tax on bachelors" us that the sin.
gle tax I've heard SO much aboutr' In.
CURED Mrs. Chugwater.-Chicago Trib.
une.
Inquisitive Friend-I suppose you