Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-02-28
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd. Curious, and LAughsbis Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget Of Fun.

y
trying to make the greatest show on
earth of herself. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Little girl-"What did you do In Cali
forniaT Little boy-'T spent most of
the time learnin' to pronounce the
names Of the towns we stopped at
Good News.
"Ahr' said the statesman, govern
ment trying my plan at last" Wife
whats thatT Statesman-"Bor-
rowing money! = Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Kate-'T was out skating last even
ing and fell down no less than ten
times" Ethel-"What! Only ten times,
and Jack there to help you upT-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Little Johnnie-"Ma, why do so many
cities have floating debts" Mrs. Flat
teri don't know, dear, unless 1t is
to keep them from sinking under their
obligations. "-Brooklyn Life.
Little Miss Freckles (proudly)-"My
new doll winds up and walks" Little
Miss Mugs (airily)-"If I'd a-known
that kind was bein' sold, I'd a-got one
for waiting maid for my dollie."-
Good News.
Boy-"Mr. Dunn called to see about
that bill Of his" Mr.. Short-"Well, II
he comes In again, tell him his bill Is
IN good state Of preservation and Is
likely to reach good old age."-Boston
Transcript.
He-"What allowance do you think
your father ought to make us when we
are married" She-"Well, If he makes
ample allowance for your faults,
think he will be doing all that can be
expected of him."-Tid-Bits
At the Fortune Teller's-"That is a
very dark future you predict for me.
madam "Why, sir, what could you
expect for a sixpence? Pay me shil-
ling and I'll see what can do for YOU"
lie Moniteur Litteraire.
Mistress ION the second day to new
rcok)-''Kathi, just be so good as to lend
me five marks" Cook (aside)-"Ha,
ha! that why she said yesterday that
the cook in her house was treated as
one of the family."-Der Schalk.
Father-"So, my dear boy, wish you
many happy returns Of the day; and, as
reward for your diligence and good
conduct, will get the dentist to draw
that bad old tooth of yours that gives
you so much painv'-El Mundo Comico.
Justice (severely)-"How could you,
sir, be so mean as to swindle people
fh,f In, pricnnaH
well, judge, I'll make it worth some
thing to yer if you'll tell me how to
work them as don't. "-Life's Calendar.
The will is opened, the notary reads
"Ilem. bequeath to my nephew, Jean
Pierre, the two sheep that strayed
turn up again; if not, bequeath them
to my faithful servant, Nicholas."-Le
Gaulois.
Mrs. DeNcnt-"It seems to me that
for man who claims to deserve chari-
ty, you have very red nose" Moldy
Mike-"Yes, mum; the cheap soaps
that us poor people has to use is very
hard on the complexion, mum."-New
York Weekly.
Mrs. BIT can't see what's your OBJ
lection to young Mr.. Goodly. Every
body speaks well of him." Miss B.
Observation-Disclosures, surely you
wouldn't wish me to marry a man that
I would never have right to scold!"-
Harper's Bazaar.
Lover-"You are getting prettier
every day." Sweet girl-"Just now
am living on brown bread and water
to improve my complexion" How
long can you keep 1t upT 20, indef-
nitely." "Then let's get married.
New York Weekly.
Wibbles-"Here is a firm advertising
that 1t has over 100 pianos out on trial"
Wabbles-"Well, what of itY' Wibbles
Nothing, only If that internal in
strument in the house next door to me
is one Of them 1t certainly ought to be
convicted" Courier.
The silvery sleigh bells in the maiden's
ears
Sound like the prelude Of her wed.
ding chimes,
While in them her unhappy lover hears
His jingling wreck Of dollars and Of
dimes!
New York Herald.
Theodorus-T always read the par
llamentary reports very carefully, but
have never come across any speech Of
yours yet" Bernard ON. P)-"How is
that? Have you never noticed the
words Cheers and Hear, HearY That's
where 1 come in."-Stuivers Blad.
men are such inconsistent Great
ures," sighed Mrs. Witterby. ut was
only the other day they were enthusi-
astic about smashing the machine at
the polls, and now see that they are
going to vote by machinery. What
won't they do nextT-Brooklyn Life.
Whimsicus-"T always knew that
thirteen was an unlucky numberl Jolli-
Gus gave an awfully swell dinner the
other night, and there were just thir-
teen at table," Flimsicus-"Well, what
happened? Whimsicus-"What hap
rened2 Why, 1 wasn't invitedr'-
Judge.
Dear me-" said Mr.. Meekins, at
seems absurd for men to be constantly
talking about their wives having the
last word. I never object to my wife
having the last word" "You don't?-
"Not bit. I always feel thankful
when she gets TO it"-washington
Star.