Arizona weekly journal-miner., 1895-01-23
HE caAcREa AGENT
He Calls Upon Smith Of Utah Determined
 to Ptssh Trade

Mir. Joseph smith, Salt Lake City, registered at the Cadillac, and before he had satisfactorily accomplished Che matutinal 40winls so dear to the fatigued traveller a persistent knock ing was heard at the door, and upon it's being opened a nervous looking man with red hair and Q tin box un- der his arm slid into the room and presented the disgusted guest with a business ogrd in four eolors.
 'The patent Kidmore cracker, :" said tho guest as he hopped into bed again and pulled up the clothes. You've made some mistake, my good man. don't want any crack CTS.
 You think you don't, but you do, said the intruder with an in- graduating smilc. Your name is Smith, from Utah, isn't it?"
 "Wen, suppose it is2"
 Exactly. Tnexplain. Now, sir, give me your attention for a mo- ment What is the greatest curse known to Inarried men? What is tho most disagreeable thing in domestic life?''
 Well, femme see. Bills. said the guest after a few moments refec- ton.
 Not at alL sir; it's crumbs"
 "Crumbs?"
 "Yes sir, crumbs, Cracker crumbs. Did you ever know a mar ried woman who did not insist on sit ting up in bed with tho baby from 1 to 10 times per night and feeling it on crackersg"
 How the dev"-
 Don't swear, interrupted the cracker agent 'Itis no longer nec- essary- as you win see presently. As was going on tosay, every married woman feeds her baby on crackers in bed, and the result is that the sheets are always full of crumbs. The wives don't seem to mind them somehow, but the husbands do. Why, a hair shirt wouldn't t begin to pro- duce tho same amount of torture caused an average man by q single crumb, and when there is more why, cobblestones would seem a bed of roses by comparison. "
 "Well,
 What c1n offer sa naitigate the evil-to do away with this great wellspring of domestic misery, eh? Why, I'll show y9u. Behold the greatest invention Cf the nineteenth centuryi"
 Stop thatl What tho blazes ars you up to?" reared the guest as his interviewer turned down tho bed clothes and began sPrinkliug a kind of sawdust among the sheets.
 Keep still, my dear sir. said the cracker man blandly I'm just showing you our mammoth boon to humanity This box is filed with the dust from the new Kidmore cracker. Will you have the goodness to roll over once or twice and notice that the Eidmore erumb don't scratch bit? GTo restlessness, no discomfort. h fact, inc dough Is so mixed with india rubber in the pro portion
 What do you suppose I care for your crackers? I Idon't eat in bedP' and the infuriated traveller began swearing to find that his pistol was locked up in his trunk.
 "No, but your wives do, " put in the agent.
 My what?"
 ''Why, your wives. If nan with. only one wife neels these invaluable articles for family consumption, how much more ar9 they indispensable to a man with 20 wives2"
 Twenty what? gasped tho guest who was now convinced that he had a bad case of wheels to deal with and was wondering whether he could turn on the fire alarm without at tracting the crank's attention.
 "Wky, 20 wives. You're tho Mor mon Apostle Smith, ain t your" :, "No, I'm nos. ' replied the other, much disglstei. land I'm not mar ried either.
 Why, you 're from Utah, and your name its spelled the samo-S-m-i-t-h. Singular. very singular, " unused the cracker vender. "Sure you ain't the mani"
 'Yes, I'm sare, and if you don't skate out of here blained if I don't slam you out of that window
 Good gracious, and we're on tho sixth story too! Guess I'd rather take the elevator. However, toshow you there's no hard feelings I'll leave you a few -four business cards. Sure you're not that Smith, eh? Singular coincidences svery.
 And, shak,inr his head over the re- markablo similarity of tho names, the agent wedged m illuminated chromo advertisement of the Kid more Velvet CTLrnb Cracker into tho side of the mirsor and drifted out Detroit Sun.
 Deprsyos Os All Else.
 The war was oyer. The victorious