The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1895-05-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Although money talks, woman can
meet it halfway and get in the last
word Puck.
A new broom may sweet clean, but
a new towel does not wipe clean. -
Atchison Globe.
You will not find one spring poet in
fifty who does not need liver medicine.
Galveston News.
"That Bagley is a chump." "Why
SOP" "He paid me ten he owed me,
right before my tailor. Life.
A piece of limburger cheese is like
tack in one respect-you can always
find it in the dark. Texas Siftings.
"The whole world loves lover
Then / really do not see
Why my suit didn't prosper
She was all the world to me!
It is dangerous business for men
and women to lie to each other until
they are married. - Detroit Free
Press.
A woman should have learning; but
she should convert her learning into
wisdom, that she may know how to
conceal it.-Puck.
The blindest kind Of love
That ever did exist
Is the unweening kind
That marks the egotist.
Puck.
Mrs. Nuwed-"Our landlord thinks
of nothing but the rent" Nuwed-
"You wrong him, my dear. I'm sure
he never thinks of the rent in the
roof. Judge.
The proprietors of West Philadel-
phin sale-stable have this sign outside
their establishment "lf you are
looking for mules don't forget US. -
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Watts $50 it was in the Chi
cago wheat market that you lost your
all?" Everett Wrest--'Yes, mum,
all save me honor land an elegant
thirst. indianapolis Journal.
A maiden lady in Newburg keeps a
parrot which swears and n monkey
which ehews tobacco. She says be-
tween the two she doesn't miss hus-
band very much. -Atchison Globe.
She-"How old would you say !
wnsP" He --"Um- well, should say
you we're old enough to know better
than to think I would answer ques-
tion like that Detroit Free Press.
Burglar Bill-"Wot's become o.
Slickfnger's sister?" Sneeky Sam
"Servin' time fer follerin' fashion
able fad" Burglar Bill-"Wot fadH"
Sneeky ySam-"Kleptermanier. New
York Weekly.
"Who is that gentleman engaged in
conversation with Mrs. Sobright?" 81
don't know him; but he must be one
of the most distinguished men in the
country" "What makes you think
soP" "His portrait has never ap-
peared in the newspapers. Morris
town Herald.
Chinese Emperor-"Why did you
lose that battle9" General Wun Run
-"Ihe Japanese attacked us in the
rear" Chinese Emperor was in
formed that they attacked you in
front" General Wun Run-"Y-e-s
but that was our rear when they got
there. New York Weekly.
"Have you been able to catch the
speakers eye?" asked the first lady
legislator. "Have ~" rejoined the
second legislator. "Well, rather. l
wore my navy blue bengaline with the
heilotrope sleeves, and the speaker
couldn't keep his eyes of me-" Upon
the call of the house they separated.
Detroit Tribune.
"Hypnotism, said tho professor,
Gin our present state Of knowledge,
may be defined as the power exerted
by one person over the mind of an
other" ''WhY," giggled the fluffy
girl, "thHt is just tho same as falling in
love. f" 81 snid mind, my dear young
lady" retorted tho professor Gin
cinnati Tribune.
Sympathetic Old Laly-.-"Wnl you
please tell me if the lady is in who
writes the Mothers Column in your
paper every week? l want TO tell her
how much pleasure l had in perusing
her articles on 'The Baby in tho
Cradle. ," OGice Boy-He's yonder,
ma'am. That's him who is standing
there with pink shirt ON Gudsmolling
his pipe. LA Semaua Comica
Novel Food for Hogs.