The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-01-09
All Sorts of Paragraphs.


Our prayers only go as far as our
hands and feet are willing to follow.
"Every dog has his day." He
could have his nights too if he were a
cat.
She: "And what would you be
now if it weren't for my money 2"
He: "a bachelor"
God cannot open the windows Of
heaven very wide for the man who
keeps his Bible shut.
Up to 1888, San Francisco had
had AT distinct earthquake shocks
and tremors in period of 81 years.
-Fogg says that the worst thing
about death is that fellow won't be
sensible of the nice long rest he is
having.
The tallest man Of whom there
are authenticated measurements, was
Funnam, of Scotland-11 feet and a
little more than 6 inches.
He: "What makes the baby
shrek like that p She: cts a
tooth, darling" He: "Hum-can't
vo send for the dentist and have IL
taken out p
- Belief wouldn't marry a man
who I thought knew less than I did.
Blanche-Nor I but I wouldn't 'tmind
if I merely thought that he thought
so.
He: II wonder when you will be
able to set as good a table as my
mother does ?" She: ''By the time
you are able to provide as good a table
as your father does, my dear"
- A schoolmaster thus describes a
money-lender: "He serves you in the
present tense; he lends you in the
conditional mood; keeps you in the
subjunctive; and ruins you in the
future"
Widow: "Well, Mr.. Brief, have
you read the will ?" Brief: eyes,
but I can't make anything out Of it,
Heirs: "Let us have it patented.
A will that lawyer can't make any.
thing out Of is blessing
She: "When are you going to {
give me the money to buy that new
dress ?" He: "Next week." ''That's
what you said last week" "Yes;
and that's what I say now, and am
going to say next week. I amt the
kind Of man who says one thing one
week and another thing next week"
Ben Cook, Of the West Philadel--
phia Stock Yards, who has just COM
pleted thirty years Of service there,
has in that time handled s27, 100000
worth Of sheep, weighing as much as
10000 locomotives, enough to reach
in double line from Hong Kong to-
San Francisco, or furnish bite of
mutton for every person on this globe.
Dicler II courted nv wife three
years before I got her, and it was
nearly all wasted time" Bigler!
"Why, isn't she most excellent
woman ?" Digler: "She is, indeed but
have discovered since that I could
have got her in three months if I had
had the gumption to ask for her.
Judge Peterby, Of Harlem, isyery
absent-minded, particularly WI n he
takes drop too much. BE has a large
family of children, and meeting a little
girl on the street he stopped and said to
her: "Little girl, why do you smile
at me in such friendly manner 2's
"Because you are my papa. !"
- There is good reason for the pop
ularity of Chambcrlain's Cough
Remedy. Davis & Buzard, Of West
Monterey, Clarion Co., Pa, say: "It
has cured people that our physicians
could do nothing for. We persuaded
them to try bottle of Chamberlain's
Cough Remedy and they now recon-
mend it with the rest Of u.s. 25 scent
bottles for sale by Hill Bros.
- Coroner: "see here, boys, it
won't do to find nobody guilty. The
people are getting tired Of it, and when
boiler busts up like this one some
body has got to smart for it. Does
anybody know when the boiler was
built ?" Foreman of the Jury:
"About 80 years ago" "Good.
Blame the explosion on the fellers
that built the boiler"
= Claron Cornwell, foreman Of the
Gazette, Middletown, N: j., believes
that Chamberlain's Cough Remedy
should be in every home. BE used it
for cold and it effected speedy cure.
He says: isindeed a grand remedy,
I can recommend to all. | have also
seen it used for whooping cough, with
the best results" 25 and 30 cent
bottles for sale by Hill Bros.
- It has been ascertained by an
extended series of experiments that
rye and winter wheat will germinate
in soil the temperature Of which is as
low as 80 degrees. Barley, oats, fax,
clover and pease will sprout at 35 de-
grees. The turnip is as cold-blooded
as the rye and winter wheat, but the
carrot needs 38 degrees and the bean
40 degrees before they will make the
initial effort to send the life-shoot in