Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1895-01-09
JULIUS ON THE JURY.
UNUSUAL, BUT A GOOD JOKE ON AN
OMAHA LAWYER.

OMAHA LAWYER.
An Eloquent Opening That Was Wasted
Because of Juryman No. ia Defend
ant Who "Knows More About Dot Case
as Anybody" and 1t Proved to Be So.
''It happened ten or dozen years
ago." said ne. 'One Julius Goldfarb,
an east side merchant, had sought the
protection of insolvency proceedings sew
eral times, but with praiseworthy per-
severance had followed the motto, If at
first you don't succeed, fail, fail again.
In his last undertaking, however. his
creditors alleged that he had been entire
ly too successful and charged him with
the sequestration Of property Of various
kinds to the amount of $40, ,000. To re-
cover this suit was brought in the court
of common pleas was retained as
counsel for the defendant.
''When the day and hour set for the
trial of the cause arrived, l was busy, so
I sent my clerk over to represent the de-
tense, with instructions to watch the
opening proceedings andwaive all ohal-
lenges of the jurors, intending to reach
the scene in time to try the case. After
disposing of the matter in hand went
over to the common pleas courtroom, en-
tering just as the opening statement was
being made by the counsel for the cred
itors, the attorney being the late R. Fl.
Newcomb, commonly known as Dick.
GAS took my seat glanced around
the bar and then about the courtroom in
search of my client, but he was not visi
BILE. I had ON my near glasses, so I
'winked them off, put on my far
glasses and repeated the search, with the
same result Then put on both pairs
of glasses without being able to discover
my missing client, Wondering at the
absence of Goldfarb at such time, /
'winked' off both glasses and turned to-
ward the jury box just as Dick New
comb was completing his statement Of
the creditors side of the case. s.
''Newcomb, as you may remember,
was man possessed of an oratorical
gift and inordinately fond of display
ing his lingual ability, no matter how
small provocation was offered by the
nature or merits of the case. On the
present occasion Disraeli's characterize
tion of Gladstone, intoxicated with the
exuberance of his own verbosity, would
fifty apply to Dick Newcomb as he dis
claimed against the moral obliquity'
and 'ingrained turpitude' of the de-
fendant.
Gas he took his seat he leaned over to
me and whispered: &Sa 81
How is that for an opening state
ment?'
"'That's all right for an opening
statement, said /, but / DON'T think 1
shall try this case with you today
"'What dd>you nearby that?' asked
Newcomb in astonishment.
Look at juror No.ss11,AAsI ] said.
"'Well, what about him?'
"'Do you know him?'
emo Who is he?'
"'Julius Goldfarb.
"'You don't mean the defendant in
this suit?'
Precisely.
"Quivering with indignation and dis
gust, Neweomb sprang to his feet and
addressed the court.
May it please your honor, it has
just come to my knowledge that juror
No. II in that box is no other than the
defendant in this action.
''The sitting judge was the late ex-
Chief Justice Larremore, who was a
great stickler for the observance of all
prescribed forms and jealous for the
dignity and respect due the bench. Turn
ing toward the jury box, he said sternly:
Juror No. Il, stand mp.
''He obeyed.
go What is your name?' demanded the
judge.
Julius Goldfarb, shudEe.
"'Are you the defendant in this suit?'
ia wohl, shudge. SO vos.
What do you mean by getting your
self sworn in as juror to try your own
case?' thundered Judge Larremore.
"'Vy, shudge,' answered Goldfarb
coolly, 'dey vos call my name, undt you
dole me to shtood up dere, undt vos
answer all der questions, undt dot man
Indicating Dick Newcomb) said I vos
all right Undt den l e;ts me down
here yer ] vos dold. Dots all, shudge.
Judge Larremore's faca had grown
redder and redder during Goldfarb's
story, and when the latter finished the
judge treated him to as severe lecture
as ever was heard in courtroom Gold
farb listened with a meek and lowly
mien, but the twinkle of his eye showed
that fear of the judges reproof could
not spoil his enjoyment Of the joke.
"When Judge Larremore had ended
his lecture, he declared a MONTREAL.
Goldfarb was discharged from the jury
box, other talesmen were summoned,
new juror selected, and the trial of
the case was proceeded with.
''After court was adjourned for the
day Newcomb walked over to Goldfarb
and said:
"'See here, Goldfarb, do you mean to
say you would have gone ON and tried
your own case?'
ia wohl, w not?'
'''And l suppose you would have
brought in verdict for yourself if you
could?'
"'Now, Misder Newcomb, you vos
lawyer. Vot vos I dere for anyhow
"'But suppose the evidence had been
all against you? Suppose we had proved
that you had made away with the prop
erty?'
Zach, heilige Moses! I knows more
about dot case as anybody. Volts de
use of brewing anydings SO when knows
it vos lie already?'
"Newcomb walked away in eminent
disgust. The result of the case proved
the willy Julius to have made success
full failure. His name had chanced to be
among those drawn for trial jurors for
that term of court, and by mere accident
it had been drawn from the box for his
own case. The carelessness of the court
officers and Dick Newcomb had done
the rest Omaha World Herald.
An Abusive Wife.
The famous DR.. Andrew Bell had a
wife who. after exhausting all her inge,
nuity in making him miserable, finally
loft him Sha tban baoon xurit;no Li,,