Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-01-28
JUST FOR FUN.

Ibid you ever try the fa1Gh cure;
| Tompkins?" Eyes. 1t cured me. too"
"What of?'' "Fai6h in the faith cure
stray philosopher asserts that
! this is the age of woman. But OF course
he doesn't dare'g give the exact figures.
Japan says she proposes to demolish
China, said Mr.. Blykins. She ought
to have our servant girl, replied his
wife YEARLY.
Stella-Just look at Miss Desplaine
and Mr.. Badly over there! Miss Pot
! ter-Yes; a romance of the middle
ages, so to speak.
HDon't talk to me about compulso-
ry vaccinnation!" exclaimed the man
who had his arm in a sling. ''I'm sore
on that subject"
81 think I'll build wings to my house, "
said the new settler in Kansas. "Bet-
ter not" replied the old settler, "thi5
is the cyclone belt"
He-You don't catch me in any such
scrape as that. Pm nobody's fool.
She-Not at present; but then, some
body might marry you, yet.
Little Ethel-What makes the baby
cry so? Little Dot Mamma says it's
cause he's gettin' teeth. Little Ethel
They must be an awful bad fit"
"What do you consider the most or
iginal idea in my verses?' said the
hot
are poetry" replied the heartless ed
itor.
Ignoramus-How did England's great
comic journal come to be called Punch?
Wiseacre-From the naodts operGndi
of getting joke into an Englishman's
head.
"My dear,' said Mr.. Kickles, ''you
are, to say the least, very hard to
please" ooh, I don't know about
that" she replied. ''I married you,"
you know"
Grub I think your boy will be-
come very distinguished man if he
lives long enough. Yes! What do you
think he will be distinguished for?
Longevity.
''Will you have some oatmeal?" said
Mary's mother at the breakfast table
on Christmas morning, "No, mamma"
answered Mary. 81 think [ won't
waste my stomach on oatmeal to day.
There is good story told of a Hart
fordshire farmer. A few nights ago
he went home late, and drank pint
of yeast in mistake for buttermilk. He
rose three hours earlier the next
morning.
A political orator, evidently better
acquainted with Western geography
than with the language of the Greeks,
recently exclaimed with fervor that
his principles should prevail ''from
Alpha to Omaha"
Clara-It's really too absurd, this
idea of any one believing in ghosts in
this age of electric cars and bicycles"
Tom-Not at all, when you consider
what these inventions are doing to
keep up the supply.
IOQQIeS- Papa, know why DlS0u
comes out when L run a splinter in
my toe. It's because my toe is already
full, so it can't hold any more, SO the
splinter runs it over. Isn't that the
reason? Papa-Yes, my son.
Adams - What are you reading?
Brown-It's a very useful book for
those who don't know how to swim.
Adams-If you fall overheard, all you
have to do is to turn to page 81 and
read the directions, and you are safe.
Nurse enters the door of Professors
study.-I am happy to tell you, Pro-
fessor, a little son has just arrived.
Professor docking up abstractedly
from mis- work Eth? Oh, just ask him
to wait in the anteroom minute,
please.
Wee Albert, two and half years
old, is very fond Of green corn, but is
not permitted to eat it very often. He
watched grandma eating it one day
with longing in his small soul. Pres
emily he said coaxingly, pointing to
the cob, Cant have the bone, gam
ma?''
a Household Treasure.