Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1895-11-07
Rest at Last.

there has been in my mind a subduet
under current of perplexity and I'm
happiness in regard to myself in m!
religious experience. / have Otter
thought, when sitting by myself, "Wh!
am thus restless? Why not a
peace7 love God and Jesus Chris
with a real deep devotion; and il
general / mean to conform my life t
Him. l am as consistent as many
Christians more; then why not salts
fed" I could conceive of u style Of
Christian devotion as much higher
than my present point as my present
position is above that Of the world
/ often saw, as by dart of sunlight
that an entire identity Of my will,
with Gods wonld remove all dis.
quiet, and give joy even to suffering
as says Paul: "Sorrowful, yet al.
ways rejoicing"
The more l grosned in spirit, and
longed and prayed, the more inveter-
ate and determined and unsubdued
seemed every opposing desire. The
sensitive fear of blame, the ever-lur-
ing, self conscious desire Of proving
to myself aud others that l was right.
I perceived to be stronger and
more efficient in me than the love Of
Christ, the fear Of His opinion, and
the desire of His will.
Am I then not a ChristlsnW
thought I. Then why do I, why have
I, loved ChrIst-loved HIM 30 deeply
as I know / have; nay, as / know l
do? I cannot tell. l think l love
Him above all; yet certainly my will
is, at best, only in a small degree sub
jected to His. "Well, then" thought,
IF you see that entire union and
identity of your will with Christ is
the thing, why do you not have it,
Just submit, give up all these separ-
ate interests. Unite your soul to Him
in common interest Why not?"
All! why not? Words Of deep mean
ing to every one who tries that VAN
experiment. Every effort breaks like
wave upon a rock. We reason, re-
feet, resolve, and pray, weep, strive,
love--love to despair; and all in vain.
In vain adj"red my soul, "Do you
not love Christ? Why not, then, cut
wholly loose from all these loves and
take His will alone? Is it not reason
able, since you can be blessed in no
other way7 What else can you do?"
Something said to me, "You are a
Christian, perhaps, but not full one."
"Learn of Me-" said Christ, "and We
shall find rest" / do not find rest,
consequently I do not learn of Him.
/ perceived that the New Testament
ideal of a Christian was different from
the higher than what ever tried or
purpOsed to be; that l was only try
ing at parts, and allowedly IN some
things living below. Nor did it COM
fort me at all to think that other
Christians did so, and even good
ones, too; for l remembered, HE
that shall break one of these least
commandments" etc. The question
was distinctly proposed to me, will
you undertake and make solemn
and earnest effort to realize the full
ideal Of Christ's plan, though not one
other Christian shouldW The OBJ
stacles were many. 1T will do no
good to try. With a lower standard
have I striven, wept, prayed, despair
cd IN vain; and shall I undertake
this? ] shall never do it," This was
my encouragement. "How can l see
God clearer than / have seen Him.
Gan I ever be searched and penetrat-
ed and bowed by a deeper love than
l have known, and which yet has
been transient, has never wholly SUBJ
duel me? Can / make deeper, sim
cerer resolutions? No. Can I have
more vivid views? No. What then %
] thought of this passage: II will
love Him, and my Father will love
Him; and we will come unto Him,
and make our abode with Him.
"This IS it," I thought. "Christ has
been with me by visits and intervals
this permanent abode Is what l have
not known"
Again, "Abide in Me, and I in YOU
"a steady, ever-present Christ with.
in, who should exert an influence
steady as the pulse Of my soul. This
/ needed. I copied that class Of