davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
Little Notes aud Personals.


Mr.. Thomas Simmons and daughter,
Maggie, Of Shamokin, are the guests or
Mr. and Mrs. Fred Davis, of North
Sumner avenue.
The Misses May and Annie Clarke. Of
Swetland street, are at Carbondale on
visit.
Herbert Waters ts on a tour Of the
west.
f.. 8. Jones, of lafayette street, is at
Atlantic City.
The Misses Matte Davis, of Twelfth
street: Gertie Williams. Of VanBuren
avenue, and Marian Ferber, OF South
Main avenue, returned Saturday even
ing from a visit at Wilkes-Barre.
Miss Annie Richards. of Wilkes
Barre, Is visiting West Side friends.
Miss Maggie Van Camp, Of Williams
Bros, is spending her vacation at
Stroudsburg.
Miss Anna Bennett. Of Lafayette
street, Is entertaining Miss Hattie Eel
herman, a nurse at the University or
Pennsylvania.
w. G. Gretsinger, registrar Of Buck
nell university. discontinued his duties
on this side Saturday with flattering
success. Bucknell university will have
several West Side students. Evan
Jones. the South Main avenue barber.
ILLS DetH StlcCtcu do tIt toiisoi idA a. tioS
of the great school.
The families of Ell Longaker and ].
q. Deitrick, OF Division street. have re-
turned after a visit at Niagara Falls.
Harry Acl<er, of South Main avenue,
spent yesterday at Wilkes-Barre.
The Misses Mamie and Annie Cooper,
of North Main avenue. were at Narti-
coke yesterday. visiting friends.
Reynolds, undertaken. 2O6 North Main
avenue. Calls promptly attended to-
]. Felherman. Of Seventh street, Is
visiting at Pittsburg.
Miss Carrie Fellows. of Tenth street,
Is spending few weeks at Meshoppen.
The Dodge Mine Accidental Fund ran
an excursion to Lake Ariel yesterday.
The Misses Cora Leach. Of jackson
street. are at Lake Winola.
Walter Davis was at Lake WinOla
yesterday. .
Burton Il. Transue and Miss Lizzie
Dyson, both OF this side, were married
last week by Rev. L. c. Floyd, of the
Simpson Methodist Episcopal church.
The marriage was quietly arranged.
John Wright and family and Miss
Kate Wright. of Luzerne street, are
visiting relatives at Williamsport.
Miss Annie Gill Ii visiting at Carbon
dale.
John n. Reynolds. the South Main
avenue tonsorial artist. has returned
from duties at the Second brigade en-
campment. held near Plttsburg.
Bert Harrington and John Thomas are
at Atlantic City.
Ben Evans, John Harris and Arch Nc
Cracken leave today for bicycle trip.
The young men will go to Philadelphia
and from thence to Atlantic City, re-
turning home In about seven days.
James Edwards, of Kingston, II visit
ing on this side.
The condition Of William iellring,
who was stabbed In Friday nights af-
fray, is improving, and recovery Is
probable. The. other men are not seri-
ously injured and have recovered.
The drawing for the benefit Of George
Morgan. q sufferer from sickness, has
been postponed from Aug. IS to Sept. II.
Ollie vanston, Of Van Buren avenue.
ID suffering from the effects OF . Nck
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
THE AGE OF EQUALITY.

Thus do the prophetic Jokes Of the hu.
morist come true. A wedding Of cyclists
took place at Epson the other day. The
bride and bridegroom. the witnesses. the
two families and the attendants rode to
the church and stacked the wheels outside
the sacred edifce. When the happy pair
presented themselves before the clergy
man he looked from one to the other in q
puzzled way. Both were dressed exactly
alike. There we're the same coats. the
same waistcoats, the same breeches the
same shirts and collars, the same short
hair, the same smooth face In each case.
Tho embarrassed ecclesiastic was forced
to say: EXCUSE me, but which is the
bride?"
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
DIAMOND DUST.

Buffalo VS.. Corbett and Scranton today.
Scranton has won five Of twelve games
with Buffalo.
Only three balls were pitched by Hern-
don in the fifth.
The cranks will be glad to see Corbett,
but they don't want to see the home club
lose.
johnson and Ward were on the coach
Ing lines Saturday, and they made merry
music.
President Belts was in Binghamton on
busines Saturday and from that city went
with the club to Rochester.
BY winning today's and tomorrow's
games with\Buffalo, Scranton's percent
age would be .459 and BuffalO's .463.
One of Dowse's doubles hit the sign of
Lewis. Reilly & Davies, which entities the
player to pair Of footgear. Dowse is
the first to make the fortunate hit.
Miller, the new pitcher, began his Scran-
ton engagement under hard circum-
stances. He was obliged to pitch yes
terday against Harper one of the four
star pitchers of the league.
1t is probable that the positions Of the
clubs at the end Of the season will be the
same as at present, although 1t would not
be surprising to see Scranton go up ahead
OF Bufalo; and 1t Is an even chance that
Syracuse doesn't pass Wilkes-Barre.
III tne upseHce OF Manager Barnle ana
President Belts no official could be found
last night to explain what Is to be done
with Butler, the released New York fielder
who was secured by telegraph by Scranton
Saturday night. The report is that But
Ter will play right field and Smith sent to
first base In place Of Stearns, who is TO
be benched another report is that Smith
will catch and Schriver will be sent to
first.
Amateur Ball Notes.
The Hughes club play the Harmony base
ball club on Aug. IL.
The Cowboys. Of No. G, challenge the
Tycoons. OF Scranton, to a game on the
Ryefeld grounds Friday, Aug 16. at 2.S0.
The Anthracites, Of Moosic, challenge the
Hickorys. of Jermyn, to game on Moosic
grounds Tuesday, Aug 13, at o'clock p.
m. Answer through The Tribune.
The Anthracites, Of Moosic challenge
the Morning Glories of Dunmore, to
game on Moosic grounds Saturday, Aug.
II. at 3 o'clock p. m. Answer through The
Tribune.
The Recorder Juniors defeated the Penn
Avenue Stars Saturday afternoon on the
to 8. Batteries-Sears and Levy; Epstein
and Decker.
The Sunset base ball club challenges any
or all teams I'M the city or county to play
at Schwenk's park on any day excepting
Tuesday. Thursday and Saturday. George
Hausrath. manager; Daniel Stengleln,
captain.
Yesterdays game between the Sunsets
and Ironsides was won by the former by
q score Of 20 to 2. Batteries-Rencher and
Hoffier for the Sunsets. and Bright and
Costlett for the Ironsides. The feature of
the game was Stenglein's one-handed
catch and double play.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12

Earned runs-Providence, 3. Two-base
hits-Cooney, Murray, Moss. Stolen bases
Lyons. Rogers. Stricken. Welch, Power
Sweeney. Double plays--Cooney, Stricken
and Rogers: Eagan and Power. First
base on balls-LyOns 2, Knight, Rogers
Cooney Stricken, Hodson, Eaean 2. Welch
Struck out-Knight. Hodson, McAuley.
Minnahan. Hit by pitched ball-Cooney.
Wild pitch-Kilroy Time-l50. Umpire
SwartwoOl
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12

Earned runs-ScrantOn, 8; Buffalo, G.
Two-base h.ts-Ward. Dowse 3. Urquhart,
Field. Three base hits--Bannon Shearon
Home run--Meansy. Sacrifice htt--Eagan
Stolen bases--Bannon 2, Stearns. Herndon
Left on bases-Scranton. 8; Buffalo, o.
Double plays--HustOn to Ward to Stearns; !;
Schriver to Stearns. Struck out-By
Meaney, Drauby, Herndon, Shearon 2,
Lewee, Urquhart; by Herndon. Stearns
First on errors-Scranton. 4; Buffalo. g.
First base on called balls-Off Meaney.
Q; of Herndon.S. Passed balls-Urquhart,
Schrlver. Time-Two hours. Umpire
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12

=, Only one national league game was
played yesterday and that does not
change the posltions Of the clubs. Chi
cago defeated Louisville. The sched-
uled Cinclnnati-St. Louis game was a
tie in the seventh inning. when II was
called on account OF rain. Saturdays
games sent the New Yorks from sew
enth to eighth position below the Qua
kers.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12

|feated Syracuse easily at Crescent park.
The home batsmen could not be worked
by Kilroy's wide curves and tricky snap
pitching. and they sandwiched In hits
with bases on balls and made runs In
streaks. distancing the Stars. 1t was
rattling good fielding game on each
side. Hodson held the visiting batsmen
we'll In hand and about all they could
do was send the ball In the air. At
tendance, $500. Score:
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12

Earned runs-Rochester, j; Scranton, 3.
First base on errors-Rochester, 3; Scran-
ton. / Two-base hit-SmIth. Three-bass
OBrien. Breckenridge. Stearns, Eagan,
8annon. Smith, Johnson. Double plays
OBrien to Breckinridge to Berger; Heine
20 Hamburg. Left on bases-Roches
70: Scranton. Bases on balls-On
Keenan,, 2: OF Johnson, 3. Struck out
BY Keenan,. Il. by JOHNSON, 6. Hit by
pitched bali. BERGER Passed bali-Ber-
gyr-WiA ches-Johnson, q Time-l.3o.
UmpiroEWeidman.<s 49,
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12


John Irwin. Of New York city, Is Wis.,
iting at the Ninth street home Of Police
Officer Gurrell.
West Side Business Directory.
BICYCLES repaired, scissors ground,
tools sharpened, saws filed, keys fitted,
machines repaired by w. L. Steenback
dealer In Gums. Fishing Tackle. under
West Side Bank
PHOTOGRAPHER-C Photos, $40
per dozen. They are just lovely. Con.
vince yourself by calling at Starner's
Photo Pariors, 10l and 103 South Main
avenue.
BARBER.-Hair cutting and shaving done
In flrst-class manner at John II. Rey-
nold's Barber Shop. at Fairchild's Hotel
GROCERIES - Revere Standard Java
Coffee Is unexcelled The leading coffee
Of the day. For sale only at F. w. Ma
son & Co. Fine Groceries. llG South
Main avenue.
SECOND HAND FURNITURE-CASH
for anything you have to sell. Furni.
ture. Stoves. Tools, etc. Call and SEQ
the stock of J. C.. King, l0A and 1026
jackson street.
WALL PAPER-Go to Fred Reynolds.
2O6 North Main avenue. and see his
complete line Of Wall Paper. Paints
and Window Shades. Just opened with
new stock.
william d. Griflths. 1l3
North Main avenue, does first-class
Plumbing. Steam Heat and Gas Fitting.
Satisfaction Is strictly guaranteed.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12

Earned runs-Rochester, 2. First base
on errors-Scranton, !. Two-base hit
Huston. Three-base hits-White. Breckin-
ridge, Eagan. Sacrifice hits-Berger,
O'Br!en. Stolen bases-Harper, Sweeney,
Bannon. Double plays-Sweeney to Ward
to Stearns: Breckinridge to Hene. Left
on bases-Rochester 6; Scranton. 8. Bases
on balls-On Harper. 8; off Miller g.
Struck out-By Harper. 4; by Miller. 8.
Wild pitch-Miller. .Time-2.15. Umpire
Weidman.
Second game
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
Funerals of Two West Siders.

The funeral of the late Selden NJ. Fos-
ter occurred Saturday morning. Ser
vices were conducted by Rev. T. j. Col
lins, of the Scranton Street Baptist
church. and were attended by many
friends and relatives of the deceased.
The body was taken to Montrose for
burial. The pall-bearers were: I. Eel
lows Mason. Il. G. Morgan, w. w. Phil
lips, and DR.. w. A. Paine.
The funeral Of william A. Hearn,
who died Friday at his home. on Hamp-
ton street, will be held today at o'clock
d. m. The deceased was 33 years of age
and had been a resident of this side for
many years.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
Erie and Wyoming Valley.

Trains leave Scranton for New York
and intermediate points on the Erie rail.
road at 100 q. m. and 3.2l y. nj. Also foe
Honesdalo, Hawlcy and local points ue
7c0, $40 q. m. and 3.2 p. m.
All the above arc through trains to ana
from Horesdale.
Train for Lake Ariel cit p. m.
Trains leave for Wilkcs-Barre at 6ss q
m. and SIS p. m.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
uding Of Eastern League Clubs.

TOday's Eastern League Games.
Buffalo at Scranton.
Toronto at Wilkes-Barre.
1, Syracuse at Providence.
Rochester at Springfield
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
RAILROAD TIMETABLES
Central Railroad OF New jersey.

Central Railrpad Of New jersey.
(Lehigh and susquehanne Divisaonl
Anthracite coal used exclusively. lnsurs
lMg clsanltnans and comfort
i1ME TABLE IN EFFECT JUNE 2. lSsA
Trains leave Scranton for Ptttntous
Wtlkes-Barre, etc, at an ~ u.o Am.Q
liz. 1OQ x06. b.0Q TO p. n. sundays. 40
q m. 100, s.lk 7.io .. m.
For Atlantic City, IN an.
For New York. Newark ana Gll1aeeens
S.xo (express) a. M. LIS (express with Buf.
fet paftOr carl. l0 (exprSaO p.1. Dun.
day. AS y. m. Train leaving LII p. N.
arrives at Philadelphia. Reading Term,
inal Ga p m. and New York G3 p. q:
For Nauch Chunk. .All4ntoWn. Dethle.
hem. Easton and PhtlAaelphia. I'D ana.s
In. a06. SO texcept Phuadelphia) p. m.
For Long Branch. Ocean Grove sto.. 40
$40 e. m. (through COACH. l.1 ,. m.
For Reading. Lebanon and HarrisburGs
VIA Alsntown. $50 q. m. In. 500 y. N.
Ess Essuss,sS ssys s ssr NJ xs4 H sec % Of LIN
an. i.ic. Lii. 80 lexprsSs With ku1sS
Leave Philadelphia. Heading Terminal.
800 an. 100 and 40 pm. Sunday G21
Through tickets to all points at lowese
rates may 6e had on application in I'd.
H. P. BALDWIN.
Gen. Pass. Agent.
:. n. oLHAUsEN. Gen. supt
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
ON Other SIDE OF Channel
Some Events Of the Day on the West
s. Side Of the City Noted.
FATHERS AWFUL EXPERIENCE
Secs q Team Dash Away with His Child
and Other Little Ones In the
Wagon Many Deaths
and Funerals.

Great excitement Saturday charac-
terized a runaway of one of the teams
belonging to Lewis Morse's Sons. bot
tiers. The team, hitched to wagon.
was standing on Everett avenue while
the driver was In neighboring house.
A dog frightened the animals and they
dashed down the street. Four small
children were seated In the vehicle at
the time. and the bouncing OF the wagon
smashed many bottles. Marcella, a
child of the driver, and John Hadin, an
other child, We're badly cut by the
broken glass. The maddened animals
were finally stopped by an opportune
collision with a hitching post. The
children's escape Is considered almost
miraculous. The wagon and harness
were only slightly damaged.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12

When paby was sict, W gave her castosA
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria.
whsn shs became MIA he dung 70 castodA
wAsa NJ had ohndzsa. shs savsthsu Ca9osia
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
SCRANTON'S SUNDAY GAMES.
Broke Even with Rochester Luck Helped
Us In tho Second Contest Sweeney Was
.
Injured.
Special to the Scranton Tribune.

Injured.
Special to the Scranton Tribune.
Rochester, N. Y, Aug. 11.-As a re.
ward for coming all the way from
Springfield to play two games TINS
afternoon with Scranton, the Brownies
managed to break even. When dark
ness brought the second game to close
they had still a fighting chance to make
II two straight, although the visitors
had their hands on fair-sized lead.
Harper was superior to Miller in the
first game which was good sharp con-
test straight through. The Californian
had the opposing batsmen at his mercy
and the four hits they made of him
were far from clean, with the exception
Of Eagan's triple in the fourth inning.
In the second game 1t was about even
up between Keenan, and johnson on a
question Of which was the worst. kee-
nan got a bit the worst of 1t in the long
run. The batters pounded him at will.
but johnson kept the Browns fairly
we'll under control. Compared with
game No. 1, the second was farce, and
when darkness ended the funeral in the
seventh, hardly a hundred people were
left In the stands.
The decisions Of Weidman, a home
umpire. gave the Babies several bad
quarters of hours. Ward led the kick
Ing with his usual offensive garrulity
and the balance Of the team backed
him up.
Sweeney was disabled in the fifth in
ming Of the first game by being hit with
a ball. He left the game. but will be on
deck again in Scranton tomorrow.
BY the United Press.
Rochester. N. Y. Aug. n.-Crippled
though they were, the Rochesters man
aged to break even with Scranton this
afternoon, two games being played at
Riverside park. The first game was a
pretty contest. Harper was in the box
for the locals and he allowed Scrt n
but four hits. The men at his back
gave him excellent support. Miller was
pounded hard at intervals, but never
theless managed to be in the fight till
the last.
The second game was a farce. Kee-
nan was pitted against Johnson. and
the Babies handled the little fellow
without gloves. The errors made by
both teams were costly. The second
game was called at the end of the sixth
Inning on account OF darkness. Attend
ance. $500. Scores:
First game
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
Saturdays Games.
STATE LEAGUE.
SaturdQY'S Gan

Saturdays Games.
At Reading-Allentown, 2; Carbondale, 8.
At Lancaster--Lancaster, 4; Hazleton, g..
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
EASTERN LEAGUE.

Buffalo batted the game away from
Scranton Saturday. Yesterday the
club went to Rochester for two Sunday
games and Scranton lost the first
through inability to. hit Harper. but
pounded victory out of Keenan, In the
second game.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
WERE oNTo KftRoY.

Ms Tricky pissAiag1 Dida's, Fool the
pfovldsnee vsssrans.
9soSidsnos. Aug. 11-providsncs de-
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
Death OF Mrs. Daniel Hughes.

After an illness of several months
duration Mrs Daniel Hughes died yes
terday morning at the family home on
North Hyde Park avenue! The de-
ceased was 25 years Of age and Is sur
vived by husband and one child. LIZ
zie. Mrs. Hughes was born on the
West Side and has confined residence
here since birth. She had attracted
circle Of friends who mourn the general
loss. The funeral will be held Tuesday
at 3 o'clock.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
THE SCRANTON rR1BUNr-,oNDAY MORNING.
NATIONAL LEAGUE.

Batteries-Ch -Chesbro. coughlin and Gum
son: Donohue and Berger.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12

received last week from mine mule.
Vanston's nose was broken.
John Irwin. Of New York city, Is Wis.,
iting at the Ninth street home Of Police
Officer Gurrell.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-08-12
Jenuio Sample Dead.

Miss Jennie Sample. one Of the best
known young women Of the West Side,
died early Saturday morning at her
home, at 315 North Hyde Park avenue:
She had been sufferer for several
weeks and her friends expected the IA
tality. owing to the seriousness OF the
Illness. Miss Sample was 10 years of
age. She had won large circle of
friends She was a successful piano
teacher and a member Of st. Patrick's
church. The funeral will be held Tues
day at 9 a. m.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1895-04-15

Governor Hoffman Of New York delight
ed to tell an amusing incident which &C.
Cured during his term OF Office. a bill was
passed regulating the size of apple barrels,
which was of so trivial character that the
governor vetoed it.
In the following summer an old farmer
from the Mohawk valley came into the ex-
ecutive chamber, and producing letter Of
introduction, said:
governor, I've come to ask you to par
don my son out of states prison. He's been
there gon on two year, and his time'll be
up in about two months. Harvest is comm
on In two or three weeks, governor, and !
kind O. thought should like to have him
up to the farm. He'd be quite handy. Don't
you think you could do it?"
"1here was something about him." said
the governor, that impressed me he was a
good old fellow, and l told him would
pardon mis- boy"
The old man beamed with delight and
rose to take his departure.
II thank you, governor, for pardonin him
now, because hands are source, and on be.
half of my neighbors l thank you for veto
In the apple barrel bill. Com
pauion.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1895-04-15

DAT WAR DOWN YERE MIXED ME ALL UP"
TIE axed de folkses around yere, but dey
tri6es wild me. Jist look me ober an be
honest about it,.
well, you are pretty old man." 1 said
after sizing him up.
''Yaas, I'ze gittin long in vars, reck-
on"
You have probably passed COZ"
''Yaas, believes l has, but how fur
hev got on de odder side'"
"Some folks might call you 20"
Reckon dey might, but what's your
opinyun'"
My Judgment is that you are some
where from so to 30 years old. Perhaps
IS would be about the figure.
"Am yo' honest bout dat2" he anx-
iously queried.
Il am. I'll bet five to one you are not
over 49,"
He dropped his cane to reach out both
hands and clasp one of mine, and there
were tears in his eyes as he murmured:
''Lawd bless yo', white man, Lawd
bless vol I'll name de VERY fust chile
arter yo, eben If it's gal "
But, hold on What's going to hap
penn"
What's gwine to happen' Why, sab,
L kHONs WOllldH up us sIrttu WIN IL
marry anybody less'n 200 yars ole an be-
TO- de sun goes down we'll be j'ined to-
gether an maxim our bridal tower on a
street kyar. Everybody dun said was
ober 400 Y 'ars ole, but yo has hit de mark
an incouraiged me, an If yo' am in dis
town tomorrer I'll stuff yo' full of de big,
gest, richest waternillyon eber growed in
de staff of Alabama an let yo' kiss de
bride to bootl'' NJ. QUAD.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1895-04-15
HOLLISTER DRUG CO.
WHOLESALE AGENTS.
HIS DIAGNOSIS.
Mike Assured His Patient That the Worst
Fears Were Realized.


II heard an awfully good story illustra-
tive of the system pursued by the medical
uuacks while in Baltimore the other day."
said Il. w. Crcecy to u pleasant coteric Mt
the Arlington recently. 1T was new to
me, so I'll give it to you. A man named
Mike Dooley had been employed for num-
Der of years as driver by well known
physician, who fell i'll and died. Mike was
disconsolate over his employers death. He
was out of u job and was untitled for any
other employment save driving a Doctors
buggy from patient to patient and mapping
during the visits. He sat around the house
in morose and mournful sort of way I'M
til his energetic wife grew weary,
"Phy don't yez shtir yezscf an do
sumthinY she inquired, with Indignation.
"'Shure, an phwat kin Oi dor he ro-
turned
dol she repeated. 'Av Ord been wild
q docther foortane years an SAX munts,
ORD know cnuff to be a docther moisef.'
mike frightened up. He knew moth
ing of course about medicine except n few
grandiloquent phrases he had heard his
master use in its praises. However, he
hung out his sign, and next day woman
called.
" is the doctor imp she asked
"'Oi'm tn docthcr. nom, responded
Mike.
"'Then wish you would tell me what
Is the matter with me, she remarked in
the plaintive tone of chronic invalid.
"'Twinty dollars, nom, av you place,
said Mike sententiously.
The woman demurred.
Scouce, NON, an knowledge av
Therapeutics air on'y acquired boi the
axpinditoor av CRATE toll an tonne an mum
ny. So, nom, moi fay air invariably in
advance
"When Mike fired that at her, she gave
up the SEQ without another word.
Lit me say yure tung, nom, demand
ed Mike. The woman obeyed.
"'Lit me falc pure pools, he continued.
And she extended her hand.
'''Lit me heer the b'atin av yure HART,
and Mike, with an air of serious study,
laid his shock head against the patients
bosom. After a moment he drew it away,
with a jump.
1.-the worst fears air realoized, nom,
he exclaimed. 'YeZ have wart on yure
| hairtl' p-WashinutOn Star
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1895-04-15
A Winning Conundrum.

A well known Detroiter stood at the
corner of Woodward and jefferson avenues
recently waiting for car, and seedy
looking individual approached him.
Excuse me-" said seedy, but will you
be kind enough to tell me what time it isS''
The gentleman consulted his watch
Its quarter after l, " he replied rath-
er curiously.
The seedy one coughed
do you know, sir, he said, 1.-THE diff.
ference between time and mes"
Give it up" replied the gentleman,
still more interested.
Would you like to know, sirf"
Yes"
well, sir the time is quarter after /,
and / am one after a quarter
Thanks" responded the gentleman,
handing it to him, with bow.-Detroit
Free Press.