The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1895-05-29

have settled the problem Of the girls age
tae next serious problem which will con-
front yon Will be as to whether or not The
old man will support you after YOU have
taken his daughter off his han Is. Many a
yonng man has grown pale and lean owe,
this perplcxing problem. 1t is a serions
oue to the young man before he gets mar
rled, and still more serious one to the old
man after his daughter marries
Now, marriage iS;l hristian rs well as
a civil institution. II YOU and the old
ans daughter torn a Christian alliance
does not one good turn deserve another
Is is not Christian act to provide for the
helpless? Therefore, it is patent to any
logical mind that the status Of affairs under
such circumstances demand that the old
man form himself into a charitable assoyi-
alton for your special benefit.
The next problem which will doubtless
occupy your attention will be rs to how
you can possibly afford to supply yonr
bride with ribbons, chewing gum. laccS
kid gloves and such ike-for on q salary
Of SO month your barber account Is 81 30,
your laundry bill 81 80, your cigar bill So
your board and lodging Sl5, leaving you
ONLY u margin of 81 per month. What
must you do: Must you give up the de-
! lightful barber's chair? Well, if things
come to the worst you may let your belrI
grow; 1t Will give you more manly ap
pearance, but don't act too hasty in this
matter. Remember, if you are fortunate
in winning Your prize you blot out at one
fell stroke that awful board bill which
haunts you from month to month. Iou
M I.n bri2 = thnt
amount, for what is known in the family
circle as pin mo2ey, which is designed to
cover all the expenses Of 4 womaus life
and with the $40 thus saved you can be-
come member of TIE most fashionable
club in town, and thus your credit will be-
come strengthened hundred fold and your
membership in the aristocratic club will
lift you out of good, honest, prosy middle
society and place You on the pinnacle Of
that wonderful structure built Of dead
mems bones and cemented with the sweat
Of the toll of honest labor, all garnished
with the gold and silver which has been
taken from hungry mouths, and which is
known in common parlance as the
PLATFORM OF TIE uppEa TENS.
Thus you readily see that al Of these
problems which may haunt you from day
to day can be very easily solved by little
thought and slrewd management on your
part. But if the s. should not prove
enough to meet the demands of your dearest
bride. and if she some day should lay her
beautiful white hand on your shoulder and
look up into your face and smile bewitch
ingly and say, 'Dear, let me have so cents
to get some checks to make me Il few
kitchen aprons" don't lose your equilibri-
um. Preserve your manhood. Take the
Havana cigar slowly from your lips, puff
the smoke thoughtfully toward the ceiling,
mediate for moment, and then say,
Darling, We will be compelled to reduce
expenses )" look very sSious for Il few
moments light fresh cigar, sigh a long
sigh. look tired put on your hat and so to
the club, and assure you that will be the
tuneral dirge of those checked aprons.
You may be very seriously troubled about
the expenses Of the bridal tour. Where
will the money come from? is the great
question that stares you in the face from
day to day. Well, this matter can be ar
ranged without much cash Write to your
nearest relative in some neighboring town
that you will visit him on a certain late
with your bride, arrange ali the particrlafs
and keep everything to yourself. See the
local editors Of the city papers on the day
before your marriage, tell them that you
will be married at such IN hour, and that
you and your bride will take tie train i'm
mediately for the north, south. east or west
as the case may be--fjr little trip off,
Invite them around to the wedding. The
ruse will work like a charm and give you q
send-off in the very top circles of society.
The local columns the day after the we'd
ding will fame with the following head
lines, in capitals "a brilliant affair. One
of our most prominent young business
men weds most highly accomplished and
brilliant young lady of this city. Off for
an extended trip north-south. east or
west, as the case may be. Stacks of costly
presents" Thus you see that for about $40,
railroad expenses. you may get at least $50
worth OF advertising and q passport into
the highest circles of society Verify. then,
marriage, properly managed and manip-
uiated, pays better than any other invest
ment2ipown to the financial world. Young
man, listen not to the delusive voice Of Old
Horace Greedy and "go west. but take my
advice which has cost you nothing, and
get married.
There are tMo occasions in this life when
you need a minister er-when you get mar
ried and when you die. Relative to the
first occasion I assure you that I stand
ready night or day to minister unto you,
ami to ;;ssnre ycu Of ny interest in you
will tie yon mp for lifetime in just eight
minutes for half price il the next six
months, as the t!MeS are lard and money
scarce.
Eight years ago, one cold November
afternoon, l st by glowing fire II my
cosy little study in a parSonag. in Upper
Carolina. There was i geutlc-rS+ther cimld
tap on the DOOR. / attended to the call,
and wLel: op"red tAa door,
pE1EI.D 4 BAcKwooDS CoUNTEYMAS.
His face was bcSncarcl with the double
extract Of seriousness. From the odor
which greeted my uostrilS OWNED that
the large red handkerchief IN his coat
pocket was literally saturated with what is
known in the vernacu!ar Of crackers as
cinnamon draps." His jet black h,-::r was
klossy as the feathers Of crow from the
effects of double portion of hogs lard.
His shoes had been treated With double
coat of melted tallow, and q Glaring strip
Of red flannel was clums!ly tied around the
COLLAR Of his hickory shirt. I east glance
into the street, and there stood IN ancient
mule, hitchcd to 4 buggy which was the
last creakng remains CT an extinct species
The long ears Of the beast were thrown
forward at an angle Of about 10 degrees
his head was bowed in solemn meditation.
and shall never forget the serious express
sion on that mules countenance till / die.
There sat in the buggy g ruddy specimen
of baGkwoods feminine life, the cut of
whose dress and personal ornamentat!onS
have, fortunately never found their way
into the fashion plates Of millirers maSa-
zines because the acutest feminine mind
could never appreciate the peculiar style OF
dress and ornamentations she wore even II
it were possible to describe them. The
mnle was serious and the man was serious,
but she was the picture Of cheertulness.
Just as glanced at the scene, which have