Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-05-12
THE MIGHTY FALLEN.
The "Idler" Experiments DisastrouSly
On a TreachefouS Bicycle.
HOW GIRLS LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

On q TfedChef0uS Bicycle.
HOW GIRLS LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
The wicked, Unchnritabie Things
They observation-disclosures in u Great
City-Coque,h,h Female BOOSTERS
and ChivaIric Male Hens.
You haven't heard from me lately anu
my idle vaporings tas a wicked wicheo
man in a. neighboring city calls them
haye been hushed. To tell the truth.
have been at deaths door. I've Deen
learning TO ride a bicycle. In fact, I'm
sin learning. When our cook got
wheel / said lin the language of the TEL
| low who practices on the type"ri'er''
| Now is the time for all good men u
come to the aid of the cause" My fam
ily protested. but several friends In the
undertaking business recommended 1t Tor
my health. The lady who goes through
my pockets every night made things dis
her summer lawns and muslins. and
didn't want TO go in mourning. 1 Gained
her by reminding her Of the insurance
policy ! carried. Then 1 went to drug
store and purchased bike" You Know
every firm in the city IL selling th.m'
You can even get wheel" In par
room. That kind. however. goes In your
| head. And. so, having prepared my soul
for a better world. and having told all
the little boys in our household that the
| presidential chair was open to all Corners
I made my debut on the hard, cold. diff
fdent, unsympathetic cobble-stones In
front OF our real estate. Those cobble-
stones are the best l ever saw. They are
still there.
Weeping relatives assisted at my fu-
neral obseQuies-that is to say, they helped
| me to mount the metallic bone
crusher. incidentally. I'll state that
bike" is four feet high when somebody
| else is on II. When you get on II your
self IT'S about three hundred feet high,
| but then it's easy enough TO get off. the
bicycle arranges TINT for you. When /
| first started out ! felt that 1 was pro-
| mitigating a second Declaration of indie
pendence all by myself-it was so nice
| and easy-and then. all of a sudden. j
| forgot which was me and which was the
| bicycle. The wheel got to going like
| creased lightning. and | imagined that
| had as many legs as an earwig, and that
| each one Of them was ten feet long and
| was being wrapped around my neck.
| That was the time I repented of my sins
| and ceased 10 admire the scenery In
| Hollywood. And then. all of sudden.
| that bicycle took 1t into its head that IL
| wanted to 20 back home and that the
| nearest route was through an ash-barrel
| on the curbing. | wasn't consulted about
the matter at all Before / knew what
would be my fate n personal introduc-
ton to the ash-barrel was forced upon
! me. or maybe. the ash-barrel looks at
| it the other way. And then came that
dull and sickenng thud" so feelingly al
| iuded to by newspaper-men whenever II
Is their good fortune to get a hanging
assignment.
Phoenix like, I rose from the ashes.
| And then my debris made another per-
| spring, perservering effort. This time I
tried to mount myself / put my shoe
| on the little step and made a jump for
| the saddle The wheel forgot to wait for
me. and / could feel my legs being wrap
ped around, Ike thread around a spool.
| but when at last / got my footsies on the
pedals things were a perfect dream.
1t was the poetry OF motion. and for
veral yards / pursued the even tenor OF
| my way without the suspicion Of an in
| terruption. Suddenly as | looked ahead
| saw deceased rat in the road. - 4
/ vainly / struggled to steer clear of the
| obstruction. The bike made dart
| for the carcass. and meeting the OBJ
! struction, careened souwest. once again
bit he dust. but despair did not yet
| harass me- When / completed my efforts
| that evening. you could have made
| Christmas jelly OF me. Never have my
neighbors-whose curiosity is consum-
mate-enioyed themselves more thorough
| ~. For squares up and down the street
| could see them as | scufled along. lean
ing on their fences and chuckiing with
delight. They were all there-thc young
and the Old the lame. the sick. and the
crippled. Some had opera glasses and
| some used lorgnettes; one man had Il
| tele scope. All, all did me honor. 1t was
like riding ar the head Of a triumphal
| procession through n vast multitude.
| ANYBODY whose lack Of knowledge Of
bicycle riding will I'll a dictionary can
tell you that when the novice starts out
he needs all the hands he's got to keep
himself straight. Now every time ] got
TO Swimming along smoothly / met some
lady friend. and being chlvalrc, | had
to raise my hat 10 her. Every time
raised my hat | lowered myself In the
lady's estimation, both literally and hsu-
ratively, for each time | let go the
handles there was n collapse. As | LOOK
! back over the events connected with my
first experience at bicycling | can truly
say that Pickett's charge at Gettysburg
was nothing in comparison 10 1t.
|
winning" and babies are my friends.
and 4 endorse both institutions, fnd
am glad they are living. Unlike myself
they have their faults. but who Daring
! myself hasn't? IL is of the former class
! that | desire to sp ak, and should any one
stand aghast az what have TO say. nave
no apologies 10 make. My mother before
me was a woman, and so. also. my grand
mother sand her mother-in fact. l can
| say A,roudly that we have always had
| ."wifrning' in our family. To tell inc
truth I never saw a really good man yet
who hadn't had at some time in his NE
mother, and some. too, have had
mothers-in-law This last blessing, how
| ever. was great tax on their goodness.
| Everything living-leastwise. everything
| | know of, except chicken hatched III
an incubator-has at some period had Il
ma" And so il follows that winning
| ana mas are SOOt iusAtuNioHs anu $50
! they were put here TO do good, even II
! tn first OF their stock did make a bad be-
| ginning Who would thread needles ana
\ sew pants on buttons If they were all
suddenly swept away? Who would calm
our business cares with pie and put but
tons in our shirts if they Che women,
| not the shirts existed no more? no
would cause us to take TO drink ana 10
threaten suicide when young If they all
! sneaked of TO some female convention IN
Heaven? Who. who. who. l say, would
wear bustles and boomers and hoop
skirts and bangs and hose II they ad-
iourned sine die. and we were left on
earth TO scufile with domestic cares alone
| An awful decentralization would set in'
and mankind would sink 10 the degrada-
| ton OF rolling baby-carrlages and knitting
socks Let us pray TO keep them on
earth, even though we do have TO give
! them our street-car-seats and explaia
| baseball to them when they attend the
games We need them, and that isn't all
/ some OF us need them badly. We should
- hnaf