The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1895-01-17

Browns boots always SQueaked, and
he had strong antipathy to going
up the aisle after the congregation
had assembled, in those squeaking
boots.
Mrs.. Brown went to the head Of the
stairs and screamed to her husband.
Mr.. Brown came up. He had just
achieved the feat of getting his hands
incased in new pair Of brown kids,
and was tlattering himself that his
hands looked very genteel in them.
He was aghast when Mrs. Brown
suggested to him that he must help
button her dress. He tried it first
In his gloves, and burst the right
hand one entirely across, as he might
have known he would.
He tore the glove off with rather a
big word for him, for Brown was, a
very good, moral man when things did
not go crOsswise.
"Jupiter, Almira! why, this dress
| isn't half big enough for your cried
he, after pulling away on it for a
space of five minutes.
1T is plenty large, only the day is
so hot; everybody seems to swell up
somehow hot days. Try agin, RUFUS,
and I'll draw in all can.
Rufus did try, ard being a tolerably
strong man, he succeeded in fastening
the button. No sooner done than off
burst the button! A second button
| shared the same fate. After that it
was easier. The dress was fastened,
and Mrs. Brown pinned over the but
tonless parts, and hid them with a
bow Of ribbon. 1t was such pro-
violence that so many bows were worn
nowadays.
| Brown surveyed her in amazement.
my DEAR" said he, 'you look like
! a wasp in consumption. But. come,
that is the last BELL" and he hurried
her away lest they should be late.
The dress was pinching her fearfully,
and she could with difficulty draw her
breath; but she knew it looked "gen-
| teel," and Mrs. Jones was just behind
her, so she was happy.
At the church door somebody STEP
ped on her trail-for the dress trailed
| little-and there was an ominous
sound Of something ripping. What
woman does not know and shudder at
that sound? But Brown would not
stop for investigation, and poor. Mrs.
Brown went into the church in a cold
tremor Of apprehension.
She could not find her place in the
prayer book, and she made the wrong
responses, and Brown kept nudging
her and making matters worse.
And then, when, they rose in pray
| ertime, old Mrs. Kenny, shook out her
handkerchief which was scented with
musk, and musk invariably made Mrs
Brown sneeZe. She felt the catastro-
phe impending, and tried her best to
avoid it, but her efforts were in vain.
She sneezed, and the strain was too
much.
The fine thread with which the
seams were sewed gave away with a
loud splitting report, and poor Mrs.
Brown fell down in her seat on the
point of swooning, and drew the film
sy sack she wore closer around her.
Everybody looked at her she was so
pale, and Brown asked her if she felt
spell of the tic doloreaux coming on
| again.
Aud then the miserable woman sat
through that interminable sermon, ex-
pectfng every moment that the dress
would give entirely away. and melt
| off from her-afraid to breathe, afraid
to stir, and devoutly wishing she
could creep into knot-hole some
where. But knot-holes are never ~
ing round loose On such occasions.
At last the services were over, and
poor Mrs. Brown took her husbands
arm for support. And Mrs. jones'
came up behind her and whispered in
her ear:
"My dear Almira, your dress is all
burst out behind. And somebody has
stepped on the skirt and torn it.
Those cheap cashmeres do tear so east
ly. Draw your sack back a little
dear, and if you walk carefully no.
body will see it unless the wind blows
I am so sorry"
Mrs. Brown had 10 hear this and
had to realize, too, that 1t would not be
just the thing to knock Mrs. Jones
down, as she would iike to have done
Halfway home Mr.. Brown stepped
on piece of orange peel and slipped
In recovering himself he caught at his
wife's dress. The act was fatal.
The whole thing gave away an6
about twenty yards Of ruffling anC
auting lay fluttering along the side
walk.
Somebody's puppy, followed after
in playful mood seized on the ruff
fling, and in spite Of Mr.. Browns Wig
orous assault with his cane, he made
off with it.
And that odious Mrs. Jones was onl,
little way behind, an saw it all.
Mr.. Brown did not say a word to his
wife by way of preaching to her or
her lack of judgment-which prove:
that he was that rare thing, a mascu
line angel-but Mrs. Brown took the
lesson she had received to heart, ant
bought no more cheap dresses, an(
hired no more cheap dressmakers.
AS Mr.. Jones failed in about a month
after her unfortunate dress collapsed
Mrs. Brown managed to live through
her troubles, and now she has the pri,
ilege of informing Mrs. Jones tina
cheap things don't pay. She wonders
how anybody can buy them. And Mrs
Jones CRATES her teeth, in silent rage
and wishes she had never been born
p. S.-Women will understand thi
sketch. It is not expected that mel
will see into it at all.
The Approach to Hoops.