Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-05-06
JUST FOR FUN.
Hard to beat-A wet carpet.

Ladies, you can find the best jam IN
town at the bargain counters.
AS soon as you convince man that
he is a genius, he begins to neglect
his creditors.
Mostpeople's lives are spent in get
ting what they don't want, and want
ing what they don't get.
Tommy-"I wouldn't be as stuck
up as girls is for anything" Jimmy
me, neither. They thinks they are
just as good as boys"
A schoolboy, asked to define the
word 4" sob, ," whispered out cit
means when a Teller don't want to
cry and it bursts out ITSELF"
'sWhy, mammal'' said Willie, as he
went out into the cold and could see
his own breath. "Give me a glass of
water quick! I must be on fireinside."
"Your beautiful clock was received"
wrote a bride, in letter of thanks,
''and is now on the mantelpiece in
the drawing room, where we hope to
see you often"
Chow do you like that little French
girl next door, Polly?" Don't like
her at all,'' said Polly. "She calls me
names. She called me a ma'mselle
yesterday, and I amt"
A class in natural history being
asked the difference between a dog
and tree, the head boy answered,
GA tree is covered with bark, while
dog seems to be lined with it."
Party looking for lodgings" But
the use of piano is Of no use to me.
I can't play. " Landlady-" Oh, sir;
but you'd have the use of it all the
same. My daughter is always prac
ticing.'
There are but two classes of people
in the world those who have done
something and want their names kept
out of the paper, and those who have
not done anything worth printing,
and want their names put in.
"My friends tell me that there is
magic spell about my writings" said
the author, complacently, as the edi-
tor glanced at his manuscript. ''There
is; but prefer Webster's style of or
biography myself" said the editor, as
he handed the manuscript back.
Jack had been to the barber shop
with his father. On the way back he
asked, ''Was that charlotte russo he
put on your face?" " No, my son, "
was the reply. That was lather. "
''OhI" said Jack, IT wondered why
tasting it,"
A Utilitarian.- The Vicar" And
how do you like the new chimes, Mrs.
Weaver? You must be glad to hear
those beautiful hymn tunes at night.
They must remind you of D Mrs.
Weaver-ssYes; that be so, sir. I've
took my medicine quite regular ever
since they was begun"
Miss Marie Devoe { at the cooking
schooD -"Do you mean to say, chef,
that we mnst put our bare hands into
the dough-" Prof. Tartopommefs-
''Sairtainly, m'mselle. - Miss Marie
Devoe Perhaps that is why I failed
with my bread the last time. My
gloves seemed rather in the way"
The late Dr. Jowett, master of Bal
loil, once asked of young man who
had been talking rather gushingly of
his love for the poets, "Do you ever
write poetry, Mr.. Mp" Yes-well,
do something in that way" was the
answer. d" Never mind" said the
master, chow much you write, so
long as you burn it ALL"
Mr.. Greathead, who keeps corn
er store in a New Jersey village,
greeted his rival across the street the
other day with much courtesy, and
said, Won't you loan me your
spiritual level moment" Quick as
a flash the rival called to the boy in
his store, "John, take Mr.. Greathead
that old copy of the Bible under the
counter"
| To make pure blood there is medicine
| before the people equal to Hoods Sarsapa-
| ril1a. 1t is the standard spring medicine and
| hIOod nurifer and If p0SSeSSes uecu1 lar crit