New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1895-11-17
HOES OF THB OLD BACHELOR.
HE is BOUND IN THE CHAINS OF HIS OWN INDIE
PENDENCE. AND sIGHs FOR THE FREE
DOM OF MATRIMONY.

DOM OF MATRIMoNY
The EXPRESSION is sometimes heard "She is a poor
old maid" and strange 1t may seem. while TO
some the remark is to a great extent meanihsless'
unon none does II strike with a more melancholy
cadence than the man who has rounded out half
century and Is walking alone-the bachelor
The nursery rhymes tell us that little boys are
made of lila
And puppy dog tails;
Consequently, old bachelors are the evolution or
dogs tails and snail shells or perhaps by the scieh
fists they may be declared 10 be the fossil restora-
ton of an epoch before Adam, and discovered by
that gentleman il the rubbish-heap in the Garden
OF Eden.
The bachelor Is to many unknown quantity,
Notwithstanding the fact that he is much in evil
dence and is frequently A marked eXhloi'' 10y
many he is looked upon as lucky dog; put ne
isn't. for he doesn't himself think 80. and that Is
the main point He is envied for his apparent IN
denendence: but he should not be. Divest him OF
his individuality, lock him in his room alone, ana
his air of independence and indifference IS gone
and he is the most woe-begone and dependent
creature on earth He Is thought TO be nappy' even
Jolly: but he isn't He is saddest when he Is gay
His life IT, to great extent, aimless' consequent
~. with him many days are blank. ne goes
through the world hungry imagining that ne mas
nowhere to 60 and few to care Tor; tnat ne - ho-
body's darling" a misdirected package or one
which the owner has failed to call for and pay
charges on In melancholy moments he is likely 10
write himself an out-of-date pattern
He lives alone. at hotel. In bachelor apartments
or IN a boarding house He comes and goes me-
chancalIy The days and nights are alike to him.
and he sometimes wonders why ne was born. An
ache or a pain is all his own he has no one 10 di-
vide 1t with.
He sends hts weekly wash away ana gets Dack
what may be returned to him: often. In place OF
delicate hemsiit ced and embroidered handkerchief,
one Of a dozen. a present from some old sweet
heart relic Of more roscate days. he gets IN re-
turn an apology IN the shape Of an old. coarse rag.
4 missing nightshrt is not uncommon, ana so long
az the number of collars called for by the WASH
list is returned he must De content even Il TIC ''"
or STYLE is not his own.
The Young women tell him that he is lovely; and
behind his back he believes they call him stupid
and horrd. He is surfeited with invitations 10
dinner parties being considered convenient, ana Is
generally assigned the duty OF taking in 10 dlh-
ner some simperng girl some unprepossessing
elderly dame He knows that he IL convenience
and eroans The mothers OF the children az tell
him that he is nice. The children are hafneu lor
him and he is selected to act godfather at their
christening At all events, he Is called Uhce'
and buys Christmas presents accordingly Inc girls
all tell him he IS catch but ne ooesh pehe'e
H. and won't be caught
He doesn't like cats or dogs. hates parrots and
the smell of sachet powder Expresses him and
causes him to feel faint
The summer is. to him. bore. Richheld IL stu
hid Saratoga ancient. He dreams by the SAD sea
waves" and wastes days some adjacent pond
ondeavoring TO induce the fish TO rise TO fly Has
been heard wher. he thought himself alone. TO at
tempt TO whistle THE Girl | Left Behind Me- and
The Heart Bowed Down" but this is hard work
He wants Tabasco on his oysters; 1t pulls MN 70 o.
gether He requires "A dash OF Worcestershlre IN
his soup, lump Of sugar in his coffee ana hoeral
sal, on his food. His tippe is hickey before
nd III
yivant He Is too much on the dyspcptic line
There never was bachelor but there was rea-
son why. Beneath his waistcoat he has sore Spot.
and while he won't admit IT, he grins and Is polite
TO the mothers of manageable daughters. but Is
always In hurry, having an enlargement; re
scents danger from afar. The frou-frou OF skirts
alarms him. :, .ous ~ h,r,
the world goes up and down. and sometimes all the
way around Tho sunshine follows the rain, and he
believes that smiles usually turn into frowns ana
are con seduently lost. He acts dccorinsly.
The average bachelor is accused Of being close
and mercenary But ne a. not get at his heart. and
vnu vYtl dnf that IL is not made Of flint. Circum-
stances have led him into the life OF celibacy. lie
wishes that II were not so but In any case, ms ms
promptlngs generous. and he wants them TO De.
scar is apparent. and he draws himself WITHIN MS
shell when promptings OF philanthropy ana geheros,
ity present themselves seeking way TO carry them
and do good, but so that MS actioh may ho' DC
known traced to him.
The old maid may take tea and TO her friends re-
count her ailments and the mistakes OF a lifetime,
hut a bachelor wraps hmelf up within himself and
becomes a mud turtle and as unconhding as
gnared oak. His sorrows are his own ms Joys are
confined and In his solitude he smokes ms cigar,
and as he watches the wreaths Of smoke dissolve
into air he lives over the past: dreams OF pygones
mourns over the disappontments OF the life OF the
average man. morazes and congratuates himseit
:hat things no worse and resolves 10 adVise an
the boys who call him "Unc.e' to avoid celioacy
a I'd be happy.