davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-05-08
Humorous department.
THE INQUISITlyE CLERK.

He Finds a Customer Who is Too Much
For Him.
The inquisitive clerk is everywhere,
and everybody has had an experience
with him. One of the genus was "call-
ed down" in remarkably funny man
ner in a west end drug store this week.
A tall, solemn looking man came in
and asked for half dozen six ounce
bottles.
"Bottles ?" asked the clerk.
ayes, bottles" responded the man.
"With or without corks ?" asked he.
ssWith corks," was the response.
"Want 'em empty ?"
"Certainly."
"And new ?"
"Do you suppose I want bottles
you've been keeping strychnine in ?"
The clerk said such an idea had
never entered his mind, and then ask
ed:
"What do you want them for"
"To break" responded the impa-
tient customer promptly.
"What? ?"
The customer beckoned to him to
lean over the counter and caught hold
of the lapel of the clerks coat and
whispered:
"I wouldn't want the neighbors to
get onto it, but I rather like to hear
'em crack. Just whim ofmine. It's
better than breaking windows and
gives me just as much pleasure, but
my supply has given out, and want
a few to hold me over until the next
carload arrives"
The clerk looked at the customer
doubtfully. -.
"Oh, we'll, of course! It's nothing to
me-" he said.
"Then what made you ask about
it?" demanded the customer.
The clerk made no reply, but got
the bottles. AS he was making change,
however, the spirit moved him to ask !:
"What do you do with the corksW
"Chew 'em," was the reply. It's
good for the digestion. Try it some
time"
Then the customer walked out, and
the clerk shook his head and tapped
his forehead, but he asked no more
auestions.-St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-05-08
uIS GOD HERE?"

A young man had been extremely
profane, and thought little of the mat
ter. After his marriage to highmind-
ed, lovely wife, the habit appeared to
him in different light, and he made
spasmodic efforts to conquer it. But
not until a few months ago did he
become victor when the glowing evil
was set before him, by little incident,
in it's real and shocking sinfulness.
One Sunday morning standing be-
fore the mirror shaving, the razor
slipped, inficting a slight wound.
True to his fixed habit he CALCULATED
the single word "God !" and was not
a little amazed and chagrinned to see
reflected in the mirror the pretty pic
ture of his little three-year-old daugh-
ter, as laying her dolly down she
sprang from her seat on the floor; ex-
claiming as she looked eagerly and
expectantly about the room, "1s bod
here ?"
Pale and ashamed, and at loss for
better answer, he simply said,
"Why :?
"'Cause I thought he was when 1
heard you speak to him."
Then noticing the sober look on his
face and the tears of shame in his eyes
as he gazed down into the innocent
radiant face, she patted him lovingly
on the hand, exclaiming assuringly,
"Call him again, papa, dess he surely
come"
Oh! how every syallable of the
child's trusting words cut to the heart
The still, small voice was heard at last.
Catching the wondering child up in
his arms he knelt down, and for the
first time in his life implored of God
forgiveness for past ofenses and guild
ance for all his future life, thanking
him in fervent spirit that he had not
';surely come" before, in answer to
some of bis awful blasphemies. Sure
ly, "a little child shall lead them"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-05-08
INMAN BROTHERS.
DON'T SEND ABOY
TO DO AMAN's WORK.

THEREFORE, do not expect shoes
Il picked up here, and there to give equal
wear and equal satisfaction to the old reli-
able BANISTER shoe. Having handled
this shoe from the dawn of our business
career, we know no other shoe has given
so great satisfaction. Our customers all
speak in their favor. Not only do they
wear, but the fit is unsurpassed by any
line ever shown on this market. Why
would we sell them if better could be had
The highest recommendation we can give
them is that every well-appointed shoe
store carries Banister's goods as their mob
biest line. Another pair here for every
unsatisfactory pair.
LADIES, THOSE BEAUTIFUL
SHIRT WAISTS are fast disappearing.
When this line is sold, remember you can
not get similar goods on this market.
Look at them. The collars are different.
The patterns are different. The fit supe-
rior, which has ever been a characteristic
of any goods branded "ANCHOR."
INMAN BR OS., The Leading, Clothiers.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-05-08

ed, "Now is the witching hour of night,
when people yawn."
a9r Nevada is the most sparsely set
tied State. There are nearly two and
a half square miles to each inhabitant +;
next comes Idaho, with one inhabitant
to each square mile. Montana and
Wyoming each have less than one.
s@ 1t is ruled by the postal authori-
ties that any reduction in the size of a
postal card by clipping, rounding of
the corners, or otherwise, will subject
the receiver of card to a charge of
one cent on delivery.
H9 The distance of the sun from the
earth is 91,0O0,OO0 miles. If there
were railroad from the earth to the
sun, it would take 346 years to reach
it; travelling at the rate of 80 miles an
hour, day and night.
m The artificial incubation of eggs
originated in Egypt, where it is still
carried on. According to a consular
report no fewer than 100000 eggs
are hatched in this way every year on
the banks of the Nile.
eY A railway train on the Darrell
ing line in India was recently stopped
by an unusual obstacle-a herd of
wild elephants. The beasts would not
stir from the rails, disdaining to be
frightened by the whistle, and the
driver was obliged to back the train
out of their way. When at last they
left the passage free, and the train ran
swiftly past, one of the biggest ele-
plants tore after it, trying to charge
the carriages.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-05-08

CULPABLE.-"What was Joblots up
before the committee for ?" asked the
first club man.
"It has been pretty we'll established
that he was caught cheating at cards.
l guess he is pretty sure be TO fred"
"And it is no more than right that he
should be. A man who can't drop his
business habits when he enters club
has no bushes to be in one, and that
is all there is to it."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-05-08

ga Happy are they that speak al
ways the truth for they shall be call
ed the bravest of brave. A liar is in
every case coward. To say that all
men are liars was, no doubt, somewhat
hasty in David but he was not far
out of the way if those be counted
liars who at some time or other, in
some small particulars. deviate know
ingly from the exact statement OF fact.
Lying means also distrust of God as
we'll as fear of man. He who is full
Of courage and full of faith will have
nothing to do with lie, or with what
ever looks like one. He despises it
and hates it.-Selected.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-05-08

s@ Did not this country have safe
currency during all the years previous
to 1873, when silver and gold were
alike used? Why then would it be
unsafe to restore the old system ? are
pertinent queries of the Pawtucket Ca
Zette and Chronicle.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1895-05-08

B@ Jones, being told that he looked
seedy, and asked what business he was
in, replied, "The hard wear busi-
ness-look at my wardrobe.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
Could Pray In French.

There is certain young man about
town today who, in tho cxcitcmcnts and
pleasures of the life he leads now, has al
most forgotten how to say his prayers.
Many years ago, however, when he was n
cute little child with big blue eyes and
golden curls, he was famous at his pray
ers. He could even pray in French. His
mother, who was very proud of her little
Truc-hc rejoiced in the unusual Chris
tian namc of Truman--cngugcd u French
nurse to look after him, and it was tho
nurse who taught the little follow to pray
in French. When the proud mother was
madc acquainted with tho wonderful prog
ross of her boy, sho was overwhelmed with
JOY. When tho women of her set dropped
In to call upon her, tho prccocious child
was trotted out to say his prayers in
French for the wonder and admiration of
tho visitors. This continued for some
time, until little True grow weary of it.
One day no mutinied. He would not say
his prayers. His mother coaxcd and threat
encd by turns, but the little boy was OBJ
stinate, and finally driven to desperation
he said:
II don't want to say my prayers, cause
Jesus must he awful tired o. hcarin me
prayin all the timc. Sides, don't think
he understands French "-Philadelphia
Record.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
Chicago Market.

CHICAGO, Aug. 3O.-Wheat climbed
10 to- day helped by hrmer cables but
packed down later, scared by gold ex-
port talk and light clearances, closing
IS lower, corn but Is and oats q but
provisions made slight gains.
Inc leading futures ranged to-day as
follows.
Wheat. No. august, opening, 81,
closing US; September, opening 6l4,
closlng' oisS; December, opening, 03%@
63%, closing. 63%@63as. Corn No o.
august, opening, 56ss, closing, 361S;
september, opening, a61s; closing, SO;
October, opening IS Il, closing, 35sk De-
cember, opening, 30A, closing. 3Os5 Oats
No. 2-September, opening, 10, closing,
ls%; October, opening, 1871 closing,
lS%; May, opening, 221s, closing, 2IX.
Mess pork. per bbl.-Septemb Der, OPEN
ing, 90, closing, 90; October, opening,
10, closing, go; January, opening,
9s2@s, closing, 9,s5. Lard, per loo lbs
September, opening, S so, closing, 5 IS;
october, opening, 5.s7M, closing, $50;
January. opening, 90, closing, 5.95.
Short ribs, per 100 lbs-Septem Der,
opening. 5.75, closing. $780, October,
opening, 5.621s, closing, SO; January,
opening, 5O7S, closing, SO
Cash quotations were as follows:
Flour steadier; winter patents, 5000
400; straights, 3 4o@a ss;spring patents,
5.9o@4.25; bakers, 2.1O@3 so; No. 2
spring wheat, 6lA@6lss; No 3 spring
wheat, 6lH@61N; No. 3 red, 611 @6ls6 !;
No. Q corn, a6sl; No 8 yellow. s6%; No.
oats, 1917; No. white, 2IN@21%;
No. white, 20@2lA; No. Q rye, 40; No.
. barley nominal; No. 3, 1904; No. 4,
3o@37. No. 1 fiaxseed, 1.O1@1 O1N;
prime timothy seed, 4 O5; mess pork, per
Dbl, 9.oo@9.25; lard, per 100 lbs. IS;
short ribs sides. (loose). COOS IS; dry
sailed shoulders (boxed) 51@5SS; short
clear sidea, (boxed). 6A@6h; whiskey,
distillers finished goods per gallon, 90;
sugars; cut loaf, 5.15; granulated, 400;
standard A, 1855
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
The Earliest surna,nea

Tho earliest surnamcs were probably
those bestowed by the Romans and Greeks.
though it may be said that tho Jews of a
still earlier date had surnamcs to somo
extent In most cases however, the sur
names of the Hebrews were tribal and not
permanent rs are those of today
Tho very earliest surnames in the mod.
ern sense OF that term date from tho mid
die ages, when mobiles were known by the
name of their domains and common pco.
pie by the name of their dwelling places.
"A great many surnames were bestowed on
account of personal pcculiaritics, such rs
Long, Short Stout, Stoop, Small, etc.
others OH account Of trade, such ms Sad
dlcr, Smith, Baker Weaver, Fowler Gar
dener, etc. y third class took names from
tho places where they resided. Examples
In this class are John Hill and John I'm
derhill, tho first John living on the hill
and the second in the little valley under
tho bluff.
There were few, if any, surnames in
England prior to the timo of the Norman
conquest, and in Ireland they did not be.
come common until 1865. Tho German
Jews did not use surnamcs until about
1925, and in many countries of Asia they
are still unknown.-St. Louis Republic.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
Her Purchase Was wrapped Up.

went into Columbus avenue drug
store last night for n moments chat with
my friend the head clerk Tho convcrsa-
tion wandered into the genus customer,
and many funny yarn of the wiles and
ways of tho buyer were spun. But none
of them touched the thing saw as L stood
there.
y woman camc in and asked for n most
ago stamp, laying two coppers on the
counter gingcrly rs sho did so. My friend
passed out u vermilion abomination and
She said
Yes, thank you, but don't you wrap
up the goods you scll?'
Yes, generally, but not postage stamps
Us q rule"
"Wcll, I wish you would put paper
around this stamp. Stinnps are horrid to
carry III ones pocket. They sticl; So"
And the long suffering young man wrap
ped the postage stamp up in white paper.
tied 1t with rcd string and handed out
the parcel 10 his customer without a smile.
Boston Record
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
SpOnCing Houses.

Lord Bcaconsflcld, in Henrietta Tenn
pie, y as we'll as ThacEeray has portrayed
Sioman,s sponging house, the temporary
abode of the impccunious Colonel Craw-
ley, splendid with dirty old gilt cornices,
dingy yellow satin hangings," and tho
like. y quick eyed jew boy locks and
unlocks the door for visitors, and a dark
eyed maid in curling papers brings in tho
tea
Just opposite tho sponging house In
Cursitor street, John Scott lived in lods
lngs, with the pretty vito with whom he
had run away in the days before fame had
como to him as Lord Eldon. Rawdon
Crawlcy, it will be remembered, had for
society in DURANGO vile Captain Ragg
ana the Hon. Dcuceacc who lived when
at home in the Temple" There's a doc
tor of divinity up stairs, - continues Moss.
and five gents i'll the coffee room who
know good glass Of wine when they sec
1t. There is Il table d hotc at half past 5
in the front parlor and cards and music
aftcrwarG. '-TclnDlc Bar
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
HELEN eouLD's FINE HOME.
Great Care Taken by the Heiress In Main
tanning Lyndhurst's Surroundings.

AT Helen Gould's homo at Lyndhurst,
on tho Hudson, the lawns and gardens
about the place arc gay with flowers and
foliage plants each summer, about %, 600
being set out every spring. Yellow and
white are tho favoritc colors for tho house.
Every morning basket of greenhouse
treasures Is sent in to Miss Gould, who, as
rule, arrangcs them herself. She can
literally 1.-Two in bower of roses if she
chooses. Although yellow and white are
the favoritc colors for house decorations.
for personal uso Miss Gould prefers the
violet and its royal sister, hearts case. A
pot of mignonettc always stands in her
boudoir, and these three flowers in theii
fragrance and modcsty seem the most fit:
ting cmblems to be associated with the fair
mistress of Lyndhurst.
In winter rs well as in summer Miss
Gould has made Lyndhurst her home al
most continuously since her fathers death
Her companions are her youngest brother,
Frank, and her cousin, Miss Northrup.
Her brothers George and Edwin, both
married, have separate establishments, the
ono ut Lakewood, the other Mt Tarrytown
The gates mt Lyndhurst arc always Open
Sunday alone excepted, and any ono is at
liberty to enter and make tour of tho
greenhouses, of which there arc about 20
separate rooms, not counting tho "hos-
\pital, rs Miss Gould calls tho room where
pclicatc or dropping plants and seedlings
are cared for. Tho main greenhouse the
center one, and from which tho others ex-
tend on each side at right angles, is built
In tho form of mosque and is So by 10
1eet.-Cor. Minneapolis Tribune.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
NO JOKE AFTER ALL.
Each Thought 1t Was One Until They BE-
gan to Compare Notes.

gan TO Compare Notes.
81 went to my husbands office ycstcr-
day afternoon to get Some money! said
the little woman in tho gray gown as she
settled back in her chair to tell her "dear-
est friend" the latest family joke. 81 was
down town shopping and had spent every
cent I had
"Of course" said the dearest friend.
That's tho way always do too. Did he
grumblo about it!''
"No. Ho wasn't at his office That's
where tho joke comes i'm
"JokcV exclaimed tho dearest friend
IL should have thought you would have
been mad enough toto almost swear
II was ut first" admitted tho little
woman in gray, 'tbut when they told mo
he had gone home carly got over being
mad, because knew he'd gone homo to
have quiet little chat with mo before din
ner, and that he'd he as mad rs a hornet
when he found 1 wasn't there. 1t made
me laugh to think of him standing around
the house swearing because I wasn't homo
after he'd left the Office early to go to me-
didn't hurry either. I took my time
because, you know, 1t does n man good to
have these littlo disappointments once in
awhile If no always found his wife at
home, no wouldn't half appreciate it"
"Was ho very madp' asked the friend,
with interest
mo. That's the funny part of it,"
II don't SEQ what there is funny about
that
why, the servant told him I'd gone
down town, intending to go to his Office,
and he said it made him laugh to think
how mad I'd be when found he had gone
homo. So ho had just sat there and chuc-
klcd all tho time until came home.'
1T was all right then, SUPPOSE" said
tho dearest friend.
"No, indeed it wasn't
But you wcro both in good humor?'
mo, we weren't. That's the very fun
nicst part of tho whole story. When we
each found that tho other thought it was a
good joke, wo were both so mad that we
didn't speak for n whole evening. Chi.
cago Times Herald.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
TaUSTEEs' SALE.

TRUSTEES SALe OF LIFE ESTATE IN
I city propcrty.-By virtue OF authority vested
in me by that certain deed OF trust to me- exc
cuted by S. Perry, bearing date on the 18th day
OF August, 1925. and recorded in the office OF the
noke. Va, in deed book 9s page 393, will. on
SATU RDAY. THE 2STH DAY OF SEpTEM-
BER Mt 1890 O'Clock p. m, on the premises,
proceed 10 cell for cash, the life estate by the
cnItcsy in the following real estate, towit
lat. House and lot, together with all appurte-
east corner OF Tazsweli and Heory streets
(Franklin road and First street SOUTHWEST
end. Lot fronting Is feet on the north side OF
Tnzewcll street (Frankln road) 80 feet west of
Henry (FlrsU street southwest, for further de-
scription OF which reference is made to deed
books ii page 1877 and l. page $50. In such sale
then together and the sale producing the most
money will be adopted.
JNO. *. SIMMONS,
Slim. Trustee.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
FINANCE AND COMMERCE.
Now York stook Marhet.

NEW YORK, Aug. 30.-The stock ms
kes to day was characterized by on i'm :
proved tone although the volume of
business was lighter than yesterday. In
view OF the fact that the engagement OF
( gold Tor shipment by to- morrow's steam.
ers were larger than had been expected
ana that million and quarter of gold
hao peen forwarded from the sub-treas
ury, The speculation was remarkably
hrm The street felt assured that the
government bond syndicate would re-
lmourse the Treasury for most of the
goia taken out and the syndicate de-
posted q million in guild before the close
OF business. taking legal tenders in ex-
cnange, thus placing tho reserve at
about Sl00.071, 000 Speculation was
hesvy at the close but prices are in the
ssles.
Closing stocks we're as follows
Aschison, 2oH; Adams Express, 149;
baltimore and Ohio, 65 Chesapeake
ana Ohio, 9lA; Chicago, Burlington and
quincy. 81; Chicago Gas, 6aN; O. O. G.
ana st. Louis, 40; Del Lackawsnna
and Western, 162X; Distillers and Cat
tie Feeders Co., 2t4; Erie, OK; Erie
preferred. 25; Great Northern pre-.
ferred, 1877; Lake Shore, 15Ih; Lead
trust. IS; Louisville and Nashville,
sax; National Cordage. 1O3s; National
Oordaxe preferred, lax; N. ]. Central,
lO9A; Norfolk aud Western preferred,
IS; Northern Pacific preferred, lax;
Northwestern. 1855; Northwestern pre-
ferred. 147; N. Y. Central, lo4A;N.Y.
ana New England, 81; Pacific Mail,
3o%; Pullman Palace, 172; Reading,
~ Rock Island, s3<; St. Paul, 76]1;
st. Paul and Omaha, AK: Southern
Pacific, 25M; Sugar Refinery, llO4;
Union Pacific, l5A; Western Union,
94ss; General Electric, 3714; Southern,
1925; Southern preferred, 4l9s; Tobacco,
93A; TOBACCO preferred, 1U9.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
New York MONEY market,

New YORK, Aug 3o-Money on call
easy at per cent, last loan 1, closed 1
per cent. Prime mercantile paper ~
@4E per cent. Sterling silver firm
with actual business in bankers bills.
Sterling exchange firm with actual bust
ness in bankers bills at 4 S94 "a. 80 for
demand and SS%@4 80 for sixty DAYS;
posted rates, 4.S9@4 90 and 9O@4 81.
Com mercial bills, 4.Ss4. Silver certif-
Gates, 67@67ss. Government bonds firm
State bonds inactive. Railroad bonds
strong.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31

1t is not true that flies are enable to
walk on the ceiling by means OF sucking
disks. Each of the six feet is provided
with u pair of little cushions and two
hooks, Tho cushions arc covered with
hairs which are kept moist By a secretion
causing them to adhere to smooth sur
face. The hooks help the insects TO walk
over rough surfaces
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
The Church North.

The Methodist Episcopal church, some
times dcnominatcd tho Church North, has
20, SCI organizations in the United States
and owns 22, S44 churches having sent
ing capacity of 6, 302, 70S. The value of
tho church property is estimated at 500, :
732, i0S, and the membership, according
to the eleventh census MnS . 2IO3 h4
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
Heavily Laden.

Farewell"
Farewell"
"Forcverf'
Forever"
He left her with heavy heart.
His own heart was by no means light.
and then there was the marble heart she
had given him. Detroit Tribune.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31

1t looks rs if in the very near future tho
bicyclist will have us elaborate and cxclu-
sive vocabulary as the baseball reporter
has manufactured for the votaries of the
national game. Bike, hiking, biker,
bikess, biked and biSelcss are already IL
evidence. Boston Herald.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31
COINS FINANCIAL SERIES,

,SG oiN's FINANCIAL scHooL, by W. Il. Harvey.
illustrated, $50 pages and 81 illustrations. It
stmplihes the financial subject so an ordinary
school boy can understand 1t. 1t 10 the textbook
OF the massee, absolutely reliable as to facts and
iiguree and the most interesting and entertain
ingbook on the subject OF money published.
Price IS cents.
A TALE OF Two NATIONS. by W. II. Harvey.
a. novel OF 500 pages. y love story that gives the
history OF characterization and depicts the evil
spirit and influences that have worked the de-
struction OF America IN prosperity. fascinating
and instructive book. 1t hnldr the reader with
wonderful interest from beginning to eud Price
Is cents.
UP TO DATE. CONS FINANCIAL conooL Con-
rlSUED, by w. ii. Harvey. illustrated, 200 pages,
aud nifty Illustrations. 1t is n history OF Com,
the little hnancier, since delivering his lectures
In Chicago. II is dedicated TO the readers OF
Coins Financial School. Price % cents
NUMBER SEVEN, by W. ii. Harvey. Illustrated,
l92 pages with apt Illustrations. It contains an
exposure OF the crime OF 1878, and the Harvey
Laughlin Joint debate. This Is one OF the most
instructive books OF our series. Dust out) Price
25 cents
sale by
THOMPSON &c MEADOWS,
No. 10 CAMPBELL AVENUE.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31

The Moslems have two festivals of spe-
cial Importance the Greater Bairam and
tho Lesser Bairam. Tho former is In
memory of Abraham Offering his son Isaac
and lasts four days
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1895-08-31

Equal parts of white shclac and alcohol
Is a permanent fiXativo for crayon and
charcoal sketches. Spray it on evenly
with an artists atomiZcr.