Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-11-11
JUST FOB FUN.

] Il
What do you suppose walked me up?
was it the heat?
Dentist = What are the last teeth
that come? Brilliant Student-False
teeth, guess.
Miss Trill-I love to hear the birds
! sing? Joe-So do I. They never at
tempt a piece beyond their ability.
Fred-What does the grocer do with
the things he sells? Ben-Ties them
up. Fred-No; gives them weigh.
Bride-(on the honeymoon) Why,
you only bought one ticket, dear.
Groom-By Jove! I never thought of
myself
''Papa," said laxative little girl,
fam made of dust?'' ''No, my child,
if you were, you would dry up once
in while"
"Couldn't your husband be induced
to try the faith cure?" ''I think he
could. He's tried dozens of things he
didn't believe in"
Chow time goes!" he said as the
clock struck IL. "It's the only thing
that does CO." she answered YEARLY,
and he took the hint.
There is a nice thing about having
two babies in the house, said Sleep
less. What is that? They each cry so
loud you can't hear the other.
[ utterly refuse your proposition of
marriage. Do [ make myself plain?
Nature has forestalled you, he said,
getting in his work with deadly eff
feet.
Justice-You are charged with steal
ingCol. Julep's chickens. Have you
any witnesses? Uncle Nose : [ have
not; I don't steal chickens befo' wit
nesses.
Doctor, what is a simple remedy
for sleeplessness? Doctor = Let the
person count until he falls asleep.
Walk 0. Nights-He can't count. It's
the baby.
''No, Willie, dear" said mamma, "no
more cakes to night. Don't you know
you can not sleep on a full stomach"
''Well," replied Willie, 81 can sleep
on my back"
Bride Con shipboard at sea- I feel
SO sick, my dear; and if I should die,
and they bury me here, you'll some
times came and plant flowers on my
grave, won't you?
Chollie-Youah daughtah has con-
sented to NAVY me and-er-I'd like
to know if there's any insanity in
youah family? Old Gentleman Gem
phatically) There must be-
She-I got a letter from papa to-
day, saying that he had made his will.
we come in anywhere? She
Not directly; but he has left all his
to an asylum for idiots.
I wish to ask your permission to
pay my addresses to your daughter,
said the old fashioned young man.
All right, said the old gentleman. If
1 can get her permission, go ahead.
Mrs. Blobbs - 1t is strange that
strong man like you can not get
work. The Tramp-Well, yer see, mum,
people wants reference from my last
and he's been dead for
twenty years.
s'Sonny, where's your father?" Gin
the pig pen." Gin the pig pen?
and as the man moved in
the direction Indicated, Penfant ter
rible shouted; ''I say! You know him
cause he's got his hat on!"
Do you guarantee the photographs
to give satisfaction? demanded the !
cross eyed man with a pug nose and
prominent jaw. Well, no, said the
conscientious photographer, but can
guarantee a good likeness.
Can you read fairy stories with the
same amount of sympathy now that
you are an old man as when you were
young? Oh, yes; but I've changed
the sympathy about little. [ sym-
pathize with giants, for instance.
1T want some sermon paper" said
the young dominic, walking into the
stationer's shop. "Here is just what
you want" returned the clerk. tThis
is what is called Extra Heavy Sermon
Paper" s'Then it won't do for my
sermons" said the young dominic,
''for my sermons are no more than
ordinarily heavy"
''How are you going to spend
Uncle Jack?''
"We1i, sub, hits des 'cordin' ter de
turkey. Eff he's quiet, en- doan roos'
too high, I'll spent de day at home;
out eff he's noisy, en-, I mex any mis-