The daily morning journal and courier., 1895-06-11

|
 Witted soldier. In my guard" re-
 sponded Napoleon, perceiving his mis-
 take; flor I see you know how to be
 prompt"
 A somewhat similar aneodote is rela- ted of Marshal SuVoroff, who, when re-
 ceiving a despatch from the hands of a
 Russian sergeant who had greatly dis
 tinguished himself on the Danube, at- tempted to confuse the messenger by a
 series of whimsical questions, but
 found him as ready-witted as he had proved himself to be brave. "How
 many fish are there in the sea?' asked
 Suvoroff. "All that are not caught
 yet" was the answer. ''How far is it
 to the moon?" 1.-TWO of your eXcellen-
 cy's forced marches" "What would
 you do if you saw your men giving way in battle?" "I'd tell them that there
 was a, wagon-load of whiskey just be- l hind the enemy's line" Baffled at all points, the marshal ended with 1 "What's the difference between your colonel and myself?" My colonel can
 not make me lieutenant, but your ex-
 cellency has only to say the word" T
 say 1t now then" answered Suvorof,
 land a right good officer you'll be-" In both cases the newly made officers re-
 ceived the promised commissions.
 The traditions of the English navy
 have preserved another instance of the kind well worth quoting. When the Duke of Clarence, afterwards William w., went down to Portsmouth to in-
 spect the British seventy-fours, the
 guide allotted to him was a battered
 old lieutenant with one eye, who, lack
 ing 8 friend ct court" had served for years without promotion. As the vete-
 ran removed his hat to salute the royal visitor, the latter remarked his bald
 ness, and said jestingly, q see, my l friend, you have not spared your hair 1 in your country's service" Why, your royal Highness,' answered the old salt, "so many young fellows have stepped over my head that it's a won der have any hair left" The duke laughed heartily at this professional
 joke, but he made note of the old mans name at the same time, and
 few days after the latter was agreeably surprised to receive his appointment as captain.
 Not only has ready wit secured pro-
 motion, but in not a few cases it has saved its authors when in awkward predicaments When Charles Lever
 was consul at Trieste he accompanied
 his daughter on a certain occasion to London. Lord Lytton, hearing of his arrival, invited him to dinner. 'Ah
 Lever" said he, greeting him, 'so glad you were able to come! You will meet your chief-Clarendon" Chen Minister of Foreign Affairs); but Lever had
 omitted the formality of applying for
 leave of ahSenee. T fear must retire; my nose isbleedtng, replied the novel,
 ist, making for the door, which at that
 instant opened, Lord Clarendon being announced After shaking hands with
 the host. his lordship espied Lever be- fore he could make good his retreat. "Ah, MT. Lever, didn't even know you had asked for leave" "N-no, my lord" stammered the witty novelist; T thought it would be more respectful to your lordship to come anrlask for 1t in person!"
 The ready wit of the late MT, Butt, e. C., M. F., more than once stood him in good stead. He himself often told two stories relating to widely divergent circumstances, but bearing on the same point. Going home late one night, he was accosted by a desperate looking ruffian in one of the suburbs of Dublin, and asked what he was going to stand. Well" replied Mir Butt meekly, I'm very sorry that I can't give you much, my friend, but what have we will share. Here" he continued drawing a revolver from his pocket, 'is weapon which had six chambers. I will give you three, and" But here the law yer found himself alone. The other story relates to bit of clever bar prac tice On his part, looked at solely from the point of view of the French advo- cate who gave the best advice he could to his client in advising his escape from jail Engaged to defend man charged with sedition, MT. Butt, to the horror of his solicitor, challenged the name of a man on the jury best known to be favorably disposed to the prisoner "Mr Butt, sir, what are you doing?" expostulated the minor man of law The great advocate simply raised his little finger, and the solicitor sat down in stupefied amazement. MT. Butt hav- ing challenged, the crown advocate up- held the name, and the man was em- panelled But for this ruse the crown lawyers had intended to strike the man off, as Mir Butt very well knew. The jury could not agree, and the prisoner escaped.
 A good story is told of Thackeray, l who was always at one time a welcome l visitor at the house of Lady Ashburton | who was somewhat free with her | tongue and i'm offering an opinion of | others. Something that the saucy host | ess said offended her guest, and he not | only declined her invitations, but, spoke | of her with discourtesy. Some months | afterwards, when his angry feelings | had died out, he received from Lady | Ashburton card of invitation to din ner. He returned it with pen-and-ink | drawing on the back, representing him self kneeling at her feet, with his hair all aflame from the hot coals she was vigorously pouring on his head out of an ornamental brazier The humorous expression of contrition was followed by complete reconciliation, and
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