Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-08-22


That's no cause TO flout 'em;
They'll be whales as like as not
When he tells about 'em.
Washington Star.
Cannot we become one?" he pleaded
earnestly. THAT depends replied the
new girl. (Which one?"-Life.
81 can forgive but never forget this
Whipping" said Tommy. "That is just
what want you to do" said his moth'
er.-Boston Courier. ~
Clones is always growlin' at the
world'' eyes; made before he was
born; an he didn't have chance at it."
Atlanta Constitution.
'The coming woman doesn't seem to
arrive" said Binks. "No," said Tub
ley. "She's probably putting on her
hat."-Harper's Bazaar.
Hotelkeeper-What's the matter
here? You're just raising the deuce!
Waiter-No, sir; l just dropped the
tray-National Hotel Reporter.
mo- Maude, dear, we do not think
the cats voice is musical even If the
animal is full Of violin and banjo
strings Philadelph Record.
81 see that Johns speakin' on the
financial question" "Oh yes" whats
the old man doin'?' ''Furnishin' the
finances. Chicago Times-Herald.
Tramp-Say, boss, could yer give q
Teller dime fer square meal? Kind
Gentleman-Certain if the meal is
good one. Where is it?-The State.
'What in the world shall do with
baby, John? She's crying for the
moon" ''That's nothing. Wait till
she's Is, and then she'll want the earth.''
Truth.
eff within the business world
You make yourself berth.
Let printers ink the fact unfurl
That you are on the EARTH"
Dalton Argus.
Carleton-Did you daily with the
breakers at Asbury Park? Montauk-
Yes; / met three charming girls, and
they broke me in a week.-Brooklyn
Eagle.
The Mother-How do you know that
he has ceased to love you? Marriagea-
bile Daughter-He buttons my gloves
twice as quick as he used to.-Syracuse
Post
Dorcas-My dear, you remind me Of
the new patent folding bed you bought.
Mrs. Dorcas-How so, love? Dorcas-
Because you are so hard to shut up
Judge.
In a New England restaurant. The
Guest-What can get here? The Mat
ron-We have coffee as another used to
make it. The Guest Well, gimme tea.
-Pittsburg Dispatch.
'Tis the same old picnic sorrow
That comes as the seasons fly;
The man with the whitest pantaloons
Sits down in the pinkest pie.
Washington Star.
Peddler-That little book on "How
to Preserve the Hair is the key to the
entire situation. Ba1dy--I am very sor-
ry; but / haven't a single lock that it
would ft.-Household Words.
He-Do you think blondes have more
admirers than brunettes? She--I don't
know Why not!ask some Of the girls
who have had experience in both ca
pacities New Haven Union.
-Surely4 my dear you will con-
slider the matter carefully before con-
senting TO- Glara's marriage to old Mr..
eastman. He--Certainly. ! shah have
his books examined by an expert.-Life.
you seem excited, dear, what has
happcned%' "Poor Jack Murray, / have
Just rejected him. ooh, don't mind a
little thing like that, Why. reject him
every six sr'--Louisville Journal.
There was a. man JIM our. town,
And he was wondrous wise.
: He never Dragged to his dear wife
About his mothers pies
Indianapolis Journal.
First Tramp-W What would you dc if
you had hundred thousand dollars?
Second Tramp In that case think I'd
feel it absolutely necessary to so to
work to make it mi1lion.-Roxbury
Gazette. !. :" 'i'a =. 80
"a mortal can never tell where he's
going to be next in this life," said the
moralist NO. replied the man, with a
bandage over his eye, especially If he's
learning to ride q bicycle. "-Washing-
ton Star.
Landowner Ito party bobbing in tho
stream -"Hello, there! don't you see
that sign, No Fishing Heres2 Angler
yes; amt it ridiculous? Fine fishing
here; just look at that for astring
tholding up dozen or twenty BIG tel
lows; beauties, amt they? The chap
who stuck up that sign evidently didn't i
know what he was talking about.
Boston Transcript.