The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1895-09-19
LAZY MANS COLUMN.
A Female Drummer Does
the Town.
WATERWORKS EARNESTLY ADVOCATED
He Wants to "SlOw Ups the Porters
and Hackmen at the Depot Who
are so Noisy.

The old cry "Oh that my enemy would
write book" is not applicable in this day
of newspaper readers. "Oh that the VIII
Ian would edit an incognito column" IS
better.
! Aside from the walls and abuse OF those
wto think have been too gay l have a
personal grievance "agin" the public.
| Cornelieus Vanderbilt said of Elliot Shep>
| ard, his son>in.law, that he was more diff
ferent kinds OF d fool that any foo
he ever saw. and have been called more
different d fools by guessers at my
identity that even Lazy Man can stand.
won't get personal but really l think
the law would protect man even though
he wrote "incog."
There have been several theories adj
vanced bearing upon the identity of the
Lazy Man Some OF them amusing;
some ridiculous. One gentleman of more
than ordinary ability at guessing, has
chased this problem through the jungles
of his cranium and brought therefrom this
wonderful solution: THE Lazy Man. is
in reality very energetic female" Per-
haps the following clipping from real life
will strengthen this conviction to some
extent.
When was youth such person as a
female drummer was an unheard of inc
dividual. A woman travelling about with>
out an escort, offering the commodities of
life to the storekeepers was next to the
nnthinkable. / can remember the first
one ever heard of, and of course / i'm.
mediately pronounced her a necessary
failure. She was selling specially for
her own sex, and if 1 correctly remember
received So 90 fof each sale. A few years
ago, all sensible women sat down on the
specially to add that it went
the way of everything that woman sits
down on.
This brings to mind the fact, that Ma
riet;a was visited not long since by fair
knight of the grip. She was selling a
baking powder which is noted for being
absolutely pure, she being OF the same
texture, made it difficult for the average
merchant to withhold his order if he was
at all likely to need any baking powder
during the coming ten years. Not to &C
further into details, my attention has beer
called to show window. on the north side
which as a rule, is loaded down with Tempt
ing edibles but now contains nothing, but
massive pile Of absolutely pure" baking
powder-enough no doubt to supply Cobt
county in levening product for years tC
, come. Fortunately, my heroine has &
large territory, and will not get back il
this direction again soon, by her return
our good natured merchant may lave
discovered some device by which hi
powder can be used to straighten q darkie''
hair, and in that way get his stock rur
down.
1t is strange thing TO my mind tina
the public spirited citizens of Marietta DE-
not get together and devise some plan by
which to have water works. In no one
thing is our town SO deficient. This sug'
geston is made entirely in tie interest o.
the town. No water works doesn't in,
convenience me in the slightest, tor | car
take wheelSarrow and shovel, and hau
enough water when 1T rains, to do me unit
it rains again, but my individual apr eel,
ation OF water is, perhaps. far below the
average. But in all seriousness, it does
seem TO me that move in this direction
would merit hearty support, and woulc
receive it.
la my former reference to the high,
handed nuisance, which is created round
and about the depot at train time, failed
to say that did not hope to entirely abate
it, but entered the protest according to the
small boys philosophy, who was seen try.
ing to stop calf The calf was running
at full speed, down grade, the boy swinging
manfully to its tail. Say buddie," called
a ookeron, don't you know yoa can,
stop the calf that way2' Eyes, sir !
know can't stop him, but / thought
might slow hin: up little" I'll can dc
no more than SLOW up" the rayenous y ellis
unbonuded audacity, and brazen efront'
cry of the hilarious porters and draymen
it will more than repay
The LAZY MAN