The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1895-09-22
APICTURESQUE OFFICIAL
sECRET4RY MORTON AND HIS HU-
MORS AND HOBBIEs.
He Talked About the Fertility and Cheap
ness Of Virginia Farms, But Some
Thought He Was Testing.

julius sterling MORTON 'eei''"'' VI
Agriculture. has published broadcast the
statement that the most fertile lands on
the face OF the globe lie in the Loudoun
valley OF Virginia, and has given proof
OF the faith that is In him by announce
ing the fact that he has decided 10 buy
one OF the farms which he praises, and
after March I. 1881, become sort OF re-
sident of the Old Dominion.
Since Secretary Morton made public the
discovery Of these neglected farms, which
he says need but to bc tickled with a hoe
to be made TO laugh with a harvest ne
has been deluged with letters from all
points Of the United States. asking where
to apply for the farms. They nave beeh
referred to the railway officials ana the
Virginia authorities. the Secretary not de-
string to constitute himself guide ana
friend TO the would-be immigrants, Dut
merely a philosopher for the beneht OF
mankind in general.
Joking Is a favOr!te amusement OF Score
tary Morton, bubbing over as ne is with
Americanism. patriotism, Democracy ana
good humor, but he will undoubtedly ind
that the discontented young farmers
"dovn East" where the soil is sterile,
and out West, where iroughts ana NOR
tgage5 are abundant, VIII not regard IL
as much of n Joking matter when they 80
down INTO Virginia and search Tor virgin
soil AT 50 per acre With Secretary Nor
ton. moreover, this matter Is not JOKE
at all-not even. as yet, hobby. lie De-
licves what he says, ana tninhs ne mas
done n good thing in making known ms
discovery. He is practicdl Joker only
regarding matters Of less consequence
than that of buying farms and making
homes. He thought II a. good joke 'ie
other day. for instance. when he ordered
the dishlrsjng clerk OF the Agricultural
Department to pay all the free-conage
emploves I'm big silver dollars. and thinks
If more than ever a Joke now that THESE
clerks fail TO see the point, but complain
that such treatment is unworthy OF man
holding the dignined Office of Secretary OF
Agriculture. But Secretary Morton Is
essentially a Joker. and. although there
can BE- no successful denial or the claim
that he has managed his department win
great ability. economy, and common sense
il is nevertheless true that in the minds
Of many people he has made his penchant
for iok,ng paramount to the performance
of his public duties. But those who know
Secretary Morton feel certain that he
would not knowingly do any man or any
SET OF men an injury, and If the vieums
Of his Jokes here squirmed little, IL IS
probably due at least in measure 10
tbe workings Of their own consciences.
The Secretary began his joking a rev
weeks after he assumed Office, in March'
1895 BY writing TO each OF the ploi"ssoIs
in the Department-the meteoroiosis1S'
tho entomologists. the biologists. the orni-
biologists, the mammalogists, the poHlo-
logists, the Psychologists, the etymolosists'
and ali the rest-aslling them 10 describe
their duties and TO give the raison d'etre,
en- 70 sneak. of their official existence.
When the replies came, all general IN
their nature OF course, the secretary re-
turned them with a request that they be
given more in detail-"the number OF
observations taken, the number OF bugs
examined. &c, with succinct statesiheh'
Of definite results obtained. or course
,ho oorn,d "scien.ists" were helpless,
and at each attempt 10 make the ''"c''0"'
Secretary. n layman If he most pro-
ro,.nced TYNE. soc the value IF their ser
v,ces they sunk further into the mire.
Al LIST they gave up the struggle IN des-
nair and the Secretary retained ther
services purely as =. matter Of sentiment,
hut reduced their calarics as a JUST ana
necessary IN assure Of economy Ihe sec
ratarv's letter book. in which the CORES
enondence with these sages Is preserved
would be as interesting reading as the
diary Of a professional. 1umorlst'
There is another letter book IN the SCI
retarv's office that Is valuable as Nol"illc
Of official humor. This is inc doom ~
which he has preserved copies OF ie'vlS
'.nt,,a,, "a members Of Congress and other
d,stinguished men Of both political parties
an the subject of patronage in wedding
on, his department The Secretary treat
al Democrats. Republicans, and cranks al
alike and has made no distinction III MS
renlles 10 those who complained that thelr
nrotepes had been removed or reduceu.
WIN Characteristic and almost brutal
frankness the Secretary set iorth inc lea-
cons for his action i'm each case, ana lh
doing so generally cut the giouhu 4ioii'
beneath the complaining statesmen
The Secretary has always taken esp
cial delight in cutting the combs OF Seha-
10. IVA Representatives who claimed
the right to dictate 10 him with resarn
90 matters entirely within the jurisdiction
~ his own department. ON one occasioi
tho entire Democratic delegation lloi"
Western state began campaign 10
o,,ra tho removal Of a Republican VINO
hold an important Office under Mr.. MOT
So predecessor. "Uncle Jerry kusK
In vain Secretary Morton pointed OUT that
the man was the most valuable cieih III
the whole division; that there was no
causo for his recoval. and that he ought
durate: they wanted his place for a Dem
ocrat and they must have IT, Finally the
Secretary set day in the near future
u.ben the case would be finally decided
The dav arrived, and so did the deiesa-
tion. The scalp was called Tor, but the
Secretary blandly said: ~
"Geutlemen, there is one phase OF TINS
matter that has not yet been discussed
and il is a serious one.
"Weu what IS it," impatiently asked
the delegation. l.,
"Why. the truth Is this mans once Is
u.itbin the terms. of the Civil Service law
and he cannot now be removed except lof
cause and his SUCCESSOR cannot De ap-
nointed except through the mechlnlsn OIL
Tho civil Service Commission
"Vbo did this?" Indignantly asked inc
Congressman. -...,.
"The President" replie1 the SecTeta'y'
"When?" hey gasped.
ooh. few days ago. answered MI
Morton. ~
Then II dawned upon them that the
Secretary had slipped up 10 the hite
House and persuaded The President TO
throw the protection OF .he Jaw over his
valrable clerk The nan still holds his
place. m.
when the Secretary first assumed oihce
no made I'D his mind that the annual Tree
distribution of seeds 10 such farmers as
could prevail upon Congressman 10 en-
dorse their applications was fraud upon
the other farmers and an outrage upon
tho taxpayers. He ridiculed the entire
e,,e+or, i,non which the department was