The Van Buren press., 1895-06-15
PuNoENr PARAGRAPHS.

First Cynic-''Look at that wom-
ans hat" Second Cynic-"That isn't
hat. That is staging to keep her
hair in place. Detroit Tribune.
-"I don't believe that Timmins ever
had an original idea in his life" 20,
know one. He had an idea that he Is
great poet"-Indianapolis Journal
-"Miss Oldflirt carries her years
we'll, doesn't she?" "You must bear
In mind that she has thrown nearly
half OF them away."-Indianapolis
journal.
There's one comfort" said the
philosopher, when his wages were re-
duced, when I'm laid up sick, now,
shan't lose SO much money. boston
Transcript
-She-'yrhere's no use In talking,
It's the small things that annoy one
most" He-"Yes. Even little mos
quito bores me frightfully. "--Philadel.
phia Record.
-"What do you like best, now.
champagne or beer?' my dear fell
low, it depends altogether on whether
l Is
Boston Transcript.
Natural al.-Finks-"Does your wife
talk in her sleep?" Links-'I never
staid awake to find out, but unless
sleep makes an entire change in her
nature, should say she did."-Detroit
Free Press.
THAT girl in front Of US is very
fond Of OPERA" said the young woman
at the theater "She must be-" replied
the young man. from the size OF
her hat you'd think she was afraid
some of it might get past her."-Wash-
ington Star.
Mrs. Brown-"t have just had a
terrible quarrel with my husband. +"
Mrs. Jones-"Well, don't see what
there Is in that to make you look 30
happy" Mrs. Brown-"There Is q
twenty-dollar hat in it when he con-
cludes to apologize."-Judge.
Mrs. Hammand-"Mrs. Hashcroft has
Dragged again to-day about keeping
her boarders 80 long" Mrs. Fora
week-"She doesn't really keep them
long. She keeps them SO thin that
they look longer than they actually
re."-Indiapapolis Journal.
MRS. Meekton's husband Is ter
ribly shiftless man." said one of the
members of the Society Of Emancipated
Women. "How do you knowp' "His
wife has gone around for days with q
button off her vest and her suspender
fastened by a hairpin. Washington
Star.
boy" said Mr.. Baker at the club,
"get me two two-cent stamps" why
do you put two stamps on that?" said
Wilkes. "It'll go for one." "I'm going
to inclose one of them to pay my In
come tax" said Barker. ''My income
is S4, 4,ool. You don't suppose I'd draw
check for two cents, do you?"-Har
per's Bazar.
Mrs. Grashus, SRI was aston
,shed, Helen, that you didn't ask Mrs
Sifer to call again. True, there's
nothing very interesting about the
woman; but you might have asked her
out of politeness." Mrs. Grashus, Jr
-"But the Sifers have moved into the
city, mother" Mrs. Grashus, Sr.-"Oh
l supposed they were still living long
way out of town. "--Boston Transcript
1t is natural for woman to resent
the imputation that the feminine MIND
is not so strong as the masculine, and
this spirit of Independence was early
manifested in schoolgirl living in
Massachusetts town. She had, tot
often, perhaps, been made to acknowl
edge the superiority of her brothers
One day her mother remarked upor
the apparent utter lack Of intelligence
in a hen. "You can't teach hen any
thing" she said. ''They have ruined
more of the garden than drove o
cattle would. You can teach q cat
dog or pig something, but hen
neverl'' 'H'm!" exclaimed the child
Indignantly, II think they know jus
as much as roosters!"-Youth's Com
panion.