Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-07-14
MILLER & RHOADS, east 5rozd street.
The Wide-Avake Store for Wide-Awake Shoppers.

the last hour and inasmuch as i've De zee,
eating molasses there's strong proDapHi-
Nv OF their going into a permanent OF
ganization. When ] was boy oanu l
nray Heaven to forgive me Tor having DC"
a how once) | used TO take an especiai ue-
LIGHT IN nies-blue-bottle hles-tor even
then my inclpient alcoholic proci'Ni,Ie'
made me find som sthing sweetly soothing
I'm that name. IL was such a pleasure 10
plant a pin astern OF them ana see 'hc
way they and the pins went OIL iheh
change came Ger the spirit OF my utedlh
I got like the man who at one time found
sucb delight in his sweethearts golden
tresses. but who after matrlmony chahseo
his tune and said pathetically:
NOW I find them every meal-tims
In the butter or the pie
ca II is with flies. Now / find them
every meal-time IN the butter or the PIE
In preserves | much prefer them to roach-
es. though even there L do not cohSluer
them dellcacies. In fact, II any eating mas
cot 10 be done (and a good deal has been
done lately / would rather be the eatee
and let the fly be the eater.
Ere another moon finds opportunity 10
compete with our eiectrlc-ngntS my
manly form will be nesting among the
Allegheny mountains at popular re-
sort where wealth. fashion, and outing
shirts prevail. Before many days shail
mass 10 bring our promissory- notes nearer
maturity. | shall be wihrling over the
sickness of the ballroom floor, with my
patent- feathers swishing rythmicaliy 10
the music Of instruments strung with
the interior Innings OF deceased cats. IL
is a pleasant prospect to reflect upon
pleasant for me- and doubtless delight
full 10 those who think they are going to
get in my set. Even now l nave begun
TO pack my trunk and to insert therein
the necessaries of life. which so 10 DIS
tinguish man from his ancestor Adam, as
he appeared in his light, spring ulster OF
fig-leaves Packing a trunk Is net
SNAP. 1t requires something more than
a collegiate education, to say nothing
of many OF those characteristics which
made the late Job bear up so bravery be-
meath q weight Of carbuncles.
And then. after you have caused your
yertebra to bend like barrel-hoop from
constant STOPPING over. you reach your
destination 10 find that you have with
you thirteen pairs Of hose, but no trous-
ers-leastwise none except those you
have on. And so. also. you discover that
your carbolic mouth-wash. with which
you had expected to laundry your fangs,
has turned itself a-loose upon your shirts,
and that your shoes. while the trunk was
In transitu. have walked themselves all
over your sik-hat Man wasn't put on
earth to pack trunks and valises. That's
one OF the things he gets married for;
another is to avoid the necessity OF put
ting In his own shirt-studs. When you
get your wife to do the packing you
learn, on reaching your journeys end.
that there are some things she knows
which you do not Ia fact you would
never admit to herr, and you almost con-
clude that you win buy her little pres
eut. Later on you change your mind
about the present. Whenever ! have gone
away from my domiciie, after having
packed my own trunk. ! have felt a deep
humiliation. which allnost-almost, l say,
not quite-made me think was SO idi-
otto that ] ought 10 ask my boss to re-
duce my salary. The way the things
looked after fished them out was some
thing Understandable. and I had to scratch
for them IKE a dog digging for mole.
THE IDLE REPORTER