The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1895-02-15
a coNaRrssroNA1 sPANkER.

several uneS uuruB Jue last wv
months have witnessed the punish
ment of certain small boy who, in
spite of hie mothers warnings and ex-
postulations, has repeatedly engaged
In fighting with his companions. The
punishment has been in the cases ohe
served a vigorous use of che proverbial
slipper, and, judging by the amount of
noise produced by the unfortunate cul-
prlt, the mode of punishment should be
very effectual in preventing a repetition
Of the offense.
I have noticed that If boys are as
sured spanking for fighting, they
invariably lose their desire to fight
The possibilities of thrashing at the
hand of the youthful antagonist, doef
not seem to deter them from engagine
in the brutality Of fist fisiht. but that
possibility coupled with the certainty
Of q thorough chastisement at the
hands of wise mother is a greater
risk than most boys care to take.
Consequently am led to consider the
spanking operation an unqualified sue
cess.
It occurred to me the other day while
reading the accounts in the daily pa
pers of the threatened personal encoun-
ters in our national legislative halls,
that something of the same kind might
oe productive of very great good If ad-
ninistered to those honorable ~ con-
sressmen who were of so pugnacious
a turn of mind. 1t is becoming quite
fashionable for members Of congress
to desecrate the halls which should be
held sacred to the memory of Web
ster or Clay, by tndulging in language
unused by gentlemen, and in behavior
uniting to rational beings. And to the
end that reformatory influence may be
brought to bear where most needed
have undertaken to suggest return to
some of tine good old ways" that ex-
perience has shown to be worthy Of
consideration at least.
In short, 1 seriously recommend the
creation of the Office OF congressional
spanker-the duties of which Office be.
ing to subject to a severe spanking
my member of congress who shall at.
tempt or threaten to fight on the floors
If either house.
OF course this punishment could not
be administered by hand, but 1t would
require the expenditure Of only a small
sum of money to fit up q small room
where the refractory M. C. could be
suspended in mid-air in such a posi-
don as to be the recipient of the ma
terna caresses of a huge machine con-
structed for that purpose. The Office
would require the services of only one
person so that the salary need not be
an objection, and, indeed, l am quite
confident that there are hundreds of
our unemployed who have been thrown
out of work under a Democratic ad-
ninistration, who would be glad Of an
opportunity to spank the discordant
legislators who have brought them to
misery.
But as l was about to say, the SER
yeant-at-arms could be required to as.
list in securing the miscreant and hoist,
ing him to position, when the proper
fIicer might touch the button and
cave the machine to do the rest.
No one can doubt that this would
De effectual in putting stop to thi
congressional boyishness which is at
present a rebuke to our form of gov
ainment An then, too, this mode of
punishment might he made a source OF
'evenue for the refilllng of our sadly
lepleted treasury
If the spanking machine were placed
IN large hall and a good round sum
charged for admission, our money
troubles would for time, at least,
We settled. OF course, this would not
he spanking for revenue only.
I had often thought of this mode of
punishment as a sure cure for prize
7phtng, for it certainly would take al'
he spirit out of Jas. J. Corbett We're
Q to be given a good, old-fashioned
marking such as his ma used to give
rim.
Faelinr quite certain that this s"heme
ri'l meet with fevor among our law
hll'rC conPrcssmen - which class
GEMS to be the greatest in point of
umbers--I win so farther and suggest
hat nothing could rbe more appropriate
han the selection of woman for thi'
flee. No, I'm not looking for an office
lyself, but would propose that Mrs.
ease be elected First Spanker of the
nited States congress, with her covet'
d title of M. c." which, of course,
would signify Mother of Congress.
MARIE TBMPLETON.