Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1895-03-23
"oRNeRlesT" MAN IN "cELINY."
IA BIackthorn. Too Mean to XIII. too
Lazy TO Live.


Phil Blackthorn was one of those mem
bers Of the social body whose place on
earth could never be found, for the rea-
son that there was not enough of him
TO Till anything. lie was So worthless
that he was unable to get mp a respecta-
bic drunk, for though he took a gallon
Of whisky he was never i'm lighting OF
boisterous mood. but merely sat still aud
cried softly.
Phil was one of those fellows who are
too mean 10 be licked: any decent fel-
low who performed this Office for him
always felt afterwards as if had himself
been kicked.
The man had no spirit whatsoever.
His vile used 10 thrash him and the
darkeys. even, would wallop him on
any sort of halched up excuse. Small
boys and dogs tired OF teasing him be-
cause he would not resent any sort of
affront.
Hunting had no attraction for him: he
despised the sight of a fishing pole,
while mention of any kind OF work
CAUSED him TO grow pale. Neighbors
knew that he visited their h~enroosts and
invaded their pigsties. but were unable
To detect him in these transgressious.
Once Deacon Halstead set a steel trap
for him; the trap was found sprung the
following morning. and Phil went
around for a month afterwarl with his
left hand bound in rags. but hat might
have beel only a coincidence.
Pills chest curved inward from lack
Of proper respiration, while his thin leg.
were bent outward. lie could "chaw'
an incredible amount OF hacker and
"~outcuss. as he himself proudly boast
ed, ANY other feller in Paspertank.
In short. Phil was one of the most
worthless types of hat worthless class
known as "po' whites" Vagabondage
was never punished in that portion of y.
Carolina in which he lived except by.
universal reprobation, and TO this he was
as indifferent as a duck 10 a splash oil
water.
One day Deacon IIalstead, who is a
well-to-do farmer and n highly respect
ed member of the middle class in the So
sal scale, took his rifle and went u To
look for n deer. lie was somewhat
nearsighted, but he declared he was
positive that he heard n deer moving
in n clump of alder bushes III "A big pine
grove over by Phil Blackthorn's, Then.
rs he alleged, he saw what he vas NOR
all, certain was the head of n fine doe
peer through the cluster of leaves,
Shereupon he fired.
Rushing forward he declared he was ut
terly d~umfounded at seeing Phil stretch
ed upon the ground roaring and bel.
lowing and not a sign of 4 deer any
where.
The doctor, who was promptly sent
for, soon dug the bullet out of Pills
calf. which speedily healed. Then Phil,
to the surprise of everybody, had the
deacon arrested on a charge of malicious
mischief. alleging the act was done with
malice prepense and in discharge OF an
ancient grudge.
Trial of the case came off before old
Squire Ben Twinkum, who had often
lamented that he had Phil for a neigh
Dor.
Phil swore that he was in full view Of
the deacon, who regarded him with
baletul and diabolic eye from head to
foot before shooting; that he piteously
besought him not to fire, but that the
old man declared he had long been
waiting for such a desirable oppor-
tunity.
The good deacon admitted the shoot
ing, but insisted, rs already stated, that
it was an accident pure and simple.
Then Phil introduced n compile of wit
nesses to prove that the deacon had once
set a steel trap for him and expressed
regret that the teeth had not caught him
in the neck.
Squire Twinkum deliberated for
some moments after the evidence was
all in before he rendered his decision,
which was rs follows:
Their hain't M single laig, fer the
prosecution ter stand on, fer il faint
possible fer any malice ter be showed
t'wards sich a ornery cuss es Phil Black
thorn. The deacon, howsomever, do
merit the seyerest punishment the Tor
allows me ter administer fer havin' SIGH
a good chance m not takin' it. l
theyerfore fine Deacon Halstead 500
for not KILN oil Phil, m what's more
he mus pay il afore he leaves this heah
coaht."
The deacon did pay, and the people
immediately declared the sentence
righteous.
A! white quail was shot by a sports
man near Palatka. Fla, n few DAYS