Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1895-02-20


ces?" HE must. 1 never see him at the
track. ''-Washingto Star.
Editor Somehow or other 1 don't
see the sense Of this thing" Poet-"My
dear sir, that's poetry. Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
Where to Tell It'll tell you tale
that is positively hair-raising in - For
Jupiter's sake tell it to Gibson-he's
headed Tid-Bits.
The decision of Baltimore judge
that stealing a cat is not larceny was
doubtless influenced by the probability
that the cat would come back. Kansas
! City Journal.
(which do you think is correct?"
asked the studious young woman,
would rather go home, or had rather
go homer" Neither" replied Cholly
Nairgo. I'D rather stay here. WASH
ington Star.
-Carleton-"How did you enjoy your
self at Mrs. Hamilton's last night?"
| Cynicus-'F First rate, there wasn't a song
or recitation sprung on us during the en-
tire evening. "-Tid-Bits.
At the Fortune Teller's-''That is
very dark future future you predict for me,
expect for sixpence? Pay me shilling,
and I'll see what I can do for you.''-
LIE Moniteur Litteraire.
The foxy boy applied for a job do
you want a boy?" he asked of the mag
nate of the Office, standing before him
cap in hand. Nobody wants a boy"
replied the magnate, cycling him sharply
DO you need boy?'' asked the appii-
| cant. nowise abashed. Nobody needs
boy came the discouraging reply. The
boy stuck his cap on the back of his
| head. We'll, say, mister" he inquired
| nate collapsed. I'm sorry to say we
do he said, land l guess you're about
what we want Detroit Free Press
Il have rented my room to a student
who pays his rent regularly, studies all
day, and never goes to the tavern
| oh get out, he's no student, File
! gende Blaetter.
what the difference between the grip
and cold really is" DR.. Pillem Tin a
confidential tone)-"The Doctors fees
People don't call physician for a cold
Buffalo Courier.
At a royal dinner the male guests new
er remain behind for wine and walnuts.
When the Queen rises and leaves the
room she is followed by everyone at the
table, and the banquet is ended.
II want to introduce you to Mrs.
! Belladonna She is one of the new
women,' you know" 'tAh. Which kind
the woman with a past or the one with
a FUTURE? -Indianapolis Journal.
If sleep knits up the travelled sleeve
of care. sleep must have its hands full
when it begins operations on the sleeve
in which the ladies now environ Them
seives.-Boston Transcript.
Tommy-''May I have some bread and
sugar, mammal" Mamma-"Why do
you always want bread and sugar, and
never bread and butter" Tommy-''Be-
cause, mamma, sugars only worth ,
cents a pound, and buffers about 4O."-
| Harper'S Bazaar.
They tell OF a certain Mrs. Malaprop
that she recently remarked that she and
| her family had spent so much time in
Paris that they all felt like Parasites
New York Mail and Express.
Chit told Jack we must be
strangers henceforth' Another Girl
did he fall on his knees and implore
| forgiveness - Girl-"Not he He said
Very well,' and then tried to firt with
me"-Detroit Tribune.
-Maud-''They ought not to allow
marriages between cousins" Marie
marry your cousin your own children
are scarcely related to you. They are
only your second cousins. "-Tit-Bits.
-Bobby-'Paw. why do you always
carry a whisky bottle along with you
when you so a-fshing?" Paw-''It makes
the fish lock larger, my son. There, run
along. Syracuse Post.
| -G0rC1y mere is one IHluS L nave 10
say in favor of the wind when it whistles -
Dullhead-"What's that?' Pertly-"It
never whistles popular airs Harper S
Bazaar.
&c. E. s."-''Who wrote the line,
There's music in all things?' - byron.
But that was before the days of the anna
teur cornetist and the boarding house
| piano." Atlanta Constitution.
-Plumson-'I'H be mighty glad when
IL.
Rayson-' Why?" Plumson-"By that
time writer's will be obliged to give fin de
steele much-needed est."-Boston News
When Sophie Lyons, the noted shop
litter, was arrested in st. Louis, a much
thumbed copy of '.Trilby'' was found in
her possession. This will not be used
against her at the trial-New York
| World.
Oh, would I we're a boy again,
For then I'd have the right
To thrash those youngsters who pelt me
Boston Courier
-Whimsicus-'I always knew that
thirteen was an unlucky number! Jelli-
Gus gave an awfully swell dinner the 9th
er night, and there were just thirteen al
table, Flimsicus-"Well, what hap
pened?' Whimsicus-''What happened
| Why, [ wasn't invited!'-Life
| w ait I'LL NOul0u go W OOuSIeSS, she
cried, as she warmed up to her lecture
"Oh, / can't said a man in the back
row. I'm not an immortal. ''-Harper's
Bazaar.
How could you conscientiously tell
Miss Elder that she is the only woman
you ever loved?'' 1T is fact Com
pared to her, the others were mere girls. >
Boston Budget.
$50 Rusher has got job at last
eh? l wonder if it is that one with the
sleeping-car company" Il guess not. Al
| least he told me had struck q comforta-
BILE berth. Buffalo Courier.
Hit sut'ny am s'prizin'," said Uncle
Eben, ito see how much mo- some of
my neighbors knows bout runnin' de
guv'ment dan dey does bout runnin'
dab fahms. Washington Star.