The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1895-02-13

Jagson's ginger ale habit was shock,
Soake falling victim to the mineral
habit was a calamity, but when Major
Everfull calmly, but with culver in
his voice, said, "vichy, please" tho
bottom dropped out of everything.
Everfull sighed and put his hand
YEARLY TO his eyes, as though to blot
out some horrible sight. Jagson leaned
forward and gazed at the major, and
General Soako seemed fascinated by the
trivial action of his friend One moment
was given to thought, and then Jagson
blurted out:
''Do your eyes trouble YOUR
Thus encouraged the general looked
from tho major to the colonel, then
from the colonel to the major, and in o
hoarse whisper breathed:
"Seen anything queer?"
The major and colonel stiffened and
seemed like wooden men. Their aston
ishment was SO great they just had
strength to gasp:
"What did you seo?"
Spots, by George, sir, shining spots,
like DEVILS eyes last night in my bed
room"
80 did l." quoth the major in
alarm.
81 saw them days ago." chimed in
Jagson. "That's why 1 stopped drink
ing"
Gentlemen, interjected the fourth
member of tho Old Guard, Mr.. Deep
tank by name-''gentlemen, my wife
yesterday received calls from Mrs. Ma
jor Everfull and Mrs. General Soake,
and later in tho day Mrs. Colonel Jag
son came. -
Nothing remarkable in that" said
Soake.
"Old friends, amt they?" quoth Jag
son.
whats that got to do with DEVILS
eyes2' put in Eyerfull.
No ofPense, gentlemen, no offense ut
all, assure you, but / think see the
solution of this mystery. / am willing
to sacrifice myself ON the altar Of loyalty
to you, and tonight 1 will go home So
ber-hem-but will pretend I'm little
bit hit in tho weather eye-er-will
stumble up the stairs, just acting, you
know, gentlemen, but on my honor I'll
be clear in the top story. A sacrifice to
do it, gentlemen, but the circumstances
require forgetfulness of self. "
With wonder the party broke up to
meet next morning. What has Deep
tank discovered that will lift this awful
pail? was the thought of the three af-
flicted men as they YEARLY toddled
home. Could the world ever come right
again?
Meanwhile the shades of night had
fallen, the hours crept on apace. but Mr..
Deeptank thought not of homo. He had
amission to perform, and, though sit
ting up until a. m. was nothing to
him. sitting up without grog was de-
cidediy unpleasant Nevertheless no
fought the battle and won the fight.
Faithfully he refrained from nightcaps,
and when the hour of 8 arrived no
heaved a mighty sigh, buttoned his coat
and made line for home. When with
in sight Of his domicile, he put on as
natural a jag gait as one would wish to
see. He knew Mrs. Deeptank had often
told him she could see him staggering
along, as she put 1t, and now she should
have chance to see him stagger.
Too bad to deceive the wife of ones
bosom, muttered tho victim of loyalty.
''Too bad, but it's good cause" and
then he began to asot I'D the steps with
an imitation of profound alcoholism as
realistic in its effect as any genuine
Deeptank jag ever was. The keynote
was finally found, and Deeptank began
to have histrionio aspirations. There
was no one as yet to appreciate his abili-
ties as an motor, but within himself he
felt that citation which great actors say
is the highest reward Of the art.
Doeptank was the last to arrive the
next day at the meeting place. He took
his whisky plain, as usual, but about
his eyes was an unusual twinkle, and in.
his hand he carried small round wood
en- box.
Gentlemen, he began in his suave,
apologize voice. II have made dis
covery. A deep conspiracy has been laid
by our wiyes--pardon me, gentlemen,
but hear nie--a deep conspiracy, say,
has been matched to break down the GUS
toms Of our friendship, to destroy our
pleasure in life. As you know, I had a
theory yesterday. That theory today is
a fact. Last night saw those shiny
spots like DEVILS eyes. but was perfect
ly sure Of my senses-pardon me again,
gentlemen--and called upon my better
half for an explanation. She could see
nothing, of course, but after my suffer
ings, gentlemen, was not to be put off
that way, and as o result I hold in my
hand the solution Of the mystery. My
wife confessed to the whole plot when
she discovered was not-er-under tho
influence. The spots were made by
sprinkling phosphorescent powder on the
floor. The powder is not made to rival
the Kelley cure, but for the destruction
Of the bedbug. Here is the box, bearing
its own inscription.
Silently the box was passed to Gen
eral Soake. He adjusted his glasses,
read the label, and In tones loud and
clear yelled, Waiter, my usual decoc-
tionp
By the time the drink was brought
Colonel Jagson had perused the colored
inscription, shifted at the contents of
the box and accepted the explanation,
and he demanded Of the waiter why his
usual drink was not there.
Then Major Everfull tumbled into
line The toast was drunk in silence,
but the eyes Of three of the party were
turned with thankfulness to the hero
who had made life again worth living.
That night Mrs. Jagson realized that
the surest way to have a secret kept is
not to tell 1t to ones dearest friend, but
the Old Guard is happy and never speaks
Of phosphorus New York Sun.
- Bound to Have It.