Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-03-04
JUST FOR FUN.

The man next door always has one
advantage over me. That's in his
neighbors.
How's your infant son? First rate
just like student. How so? Sleeps
in the day time, kicks up a row at
night.
Minnie-I want to introduce you to
to a young lady-a very nice girl-and
she's worth her weight in gold. Bob
Stout girl, 1 hope.
Mrs. Keyboard do you always
sit at the hotel piano? you can't play
note. Old Stokes-Neither can any
one else while 1 am here.
Brown = Is young Flyingwedge
practising law. Jones-I think not.
He was admitted to the bar, but
think he's practising economy.
Little Robbie: Papa, what did Cain
strike Abel for? Sunday school super
intendent (absent- mindedly: II
Oh, forget for just how much.
Little Georgy-Papa, why do you
say that the pen is more powerful
than the sword? Papa-Because you
cannot sign checks with the sword.
The horse is a very useful animal,
wrote Johnny in his composition, but
if 1 can't have my sossiges made of
pigs meet I don't want no sossiges.
I've been bordering over a very
singular thing. What is it? How put
ting ring Oh woman's third finger
should place you under that woman's
thumb.
Suitor (seeing flower on the table,
May take this as token of your
friendship? Fashionable Miss-Good
gracious, no sir! Why, that's my new
bonnet!
Stout lady at street crossing, to
policeman: "Could you see me across
the street, officer?" Policeman: "Sure,
ma'am, could see We tin times the
distance aisy."
What became Of the man who had
81 medals for saving people from
one day when he had EN- all on and
the weight of EN- sunk him.
"What did you get at your last
placer" New Cook-A box of gloves
and several pieces of nice jewelry but
the lady went through my trunk and
recovered them before I got away.
Under the heading, Hints to House
keepers, ladies paper has an article,
How to Tell a Bad Egg. Judy's advice
is if you have anything in particular
for to tell bad egg, break it gently.
It's Location.-''You are something
Of an anatomist, I believer" eyes"
''Then where is the humorous vein I
hear about sometime?'' Gin the neck.
1t is sometimes called the jocular
vein."
New York girl: Lord Dumley, did
you ever hear the joke about the mu-
scum keeper who had two skulls of
ST. Paul; one when he was a boy and
the other when he was man? En-
glishman: No; what is it?
Mrs. HOuser-I suppose you'll be
surprised to hear that Mrs. Tunglash's
mind is completely gone. Houser-
Not bit. I've heard her give Tung
lash a piece Of it so often I've Won
dered at it lasting as long as it has.
Mother-Johnny, go down to the
grocer's and get pound Of black tea.
Johnnie I heard pa say he didn't like
black tea. Mother-It makes no diff
ference what your father says John
ny. This family is in mourning just
now.
Men are such inconsistent creatures,
sighed Mrs. Witterby. 1t was only the
other day they were enthusiastic
about smashing the machine at the
polls, and now see that they are 60
ing to vote by machinery. What won't
they do nexv.
Don't you think, said the gushful
girl, that wearing glasses makes a
man look intellectual? 1t all depends,
replied the active worker in the w.
@. T. U. on whether he wears the
glasses over his eyebrows Or his
moustache.
"And you say he was defeated by
one voter" said the professor. eyes,"
replied the wife, who had been read
ing from the paper. "That's inter
esting, very interesting" he mused.
''It's what might be called singular
plurality.''
A Splendid Chance.
Everybody who is weak, delicate sickly
wants to get well. DIR, Greene, of 81 Temple