The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1895-02-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

VotOeSt0e NeSCS.
did you see the blind German and
the dude dogp" "Yes; but why do you
call him dude dogp" "Cause he leads
the Germsn-seep"--N T. Press.
A boys appetite for adventure is so
.trOAg that he win eagerly 60 hungry
in order to satisfy it.-G0lUeston Ne1os.
did you give your daughter away
when she was married." Threw her
away. sir. Literally threw her away"
-Dserots Tribune.
Watts-Thers goes the only man who
ever made Col. Blugore take water.
SmAllwort-You don't say! Who is hep
Watts-The Colouels milkman.-Cin-
cSSsWGsS 7ribgne.
Britisher (home from abroad) I'VE
didn't find the Americans interested in
the things we expected. Britisher (never
Abroad)-Didnt they notice you at alls
-Detroit Tribune.
Miss Snobbles-And 80 you met Lord
Eaddingtonp Cadby - did. Miss
Snobbles-And how did he strike youP
Cadby (PenSively) y)-For ten dOllars.-
Detroit Free Press
Il want title for my new play" said
the author. Something that win take,
you know" Something that will takep"
Yea" Cali 1t "A New York Police
man. ~ Washington StaT.
Mr.. Delawanna-Are you q regular
plumbere McCarthy-Weil. I guess I
cam an the bin, boss. Mr.. Delawsnna
-Humphl You're not much Of one il
you can't-BrookEyn Ltfe.
-It's jes' terrible, 20 it is" remarked
Reginald de Bumme. "Wot's ter'blep"
inquired Clarence Fitz Hautbeau. "Ter
see 90 many people wantin' work
done. Washington Gs0T.
Etthly-I believe in the moving spirit.
Do you know that sometimes select my
text after I get In the pulpit "No. I
didn't know ik but I've thought so many
times. "-Atl0Ast0 Journal
Bsgley-That pawnbreker bowed to
your wife; does he know herp Brace
presume he feels that ha does; he has
seen her picture 90 oft0n inside the case
Of my wetch.-M y HerslG.
ARE you going out cftowa, Mr.. Hen
Pecta" yes, / sm gsing away for
week or twos rsss." s yeur wife 60
ing with ycup" Il said was going
away for . rest. IN r Press.
Little Miss Mugg-I bet you never
saw such beautifully dressed doll as
mime. Little Miss Frsckles-No, I never
did. It's clothes are so fAs that you
ieok like q hired nurse beside it-Geoa
NesCs.
Mrs. Houser-How dare yeu kiss the
servant girl before mse Houser-Ex-
cuse me- have been kissing you of
and on for several years. have just
begun with her. didn't kiss her be.
fore you.-Philadelpbia Inquirer.
Imprisoned Crusader Ito jailer) -
Bring hither chafing dish, O. caitiff.
JAileI (humbly) = What for. your
WorShipful Honorp Imprisoned Crus-
ader (proudly) III wish to chate in my
miserable captivity.-N 7. Herald.
did Mr.. Spooner propose to you last
BightP" Bertha-Yes. @And did he
say Ae had never admired any other
girl" Bertha-Well. about the same
thing; he said he'd never gone with any
other girl except you.-Les Asage1es
Times.
She (at the dinner,-I think our
hostess is the most perfect lady ! ever
saw. He-Yes, but I notice that she
made me break carly in the evening.
Ehe-She always docs that 1t puts
her guests more at their ease.--M Y.
Herald.
Mrs. Youngwed = The fellow you
sent up here to work said II was in the
agreement that he was to be treated like
man. Youngwed-Humph! What
did you doP MrA Youngwed-Sent out
and bought him the beer twice. Buffalo
Courier.
Seedy Nobleman-Are you sure, dear
est, that you will always honor my
noble familyS American Heiress--Al-
ways And win you always love and
eAerish my money! "While iise lasts.
~Then lot the wedding bells ring."-M
r Weekly.
FaGaa-I got shet full the other pay.
day night thOt Oi what 70 shleep an the
step nv th' dure, an didn't wake up till
tn goat began chewin' me phwiskers.
McBride-Sure you can't blame him.
It was hot looneh he was luk;n' for
CSseiss0ei 1rtN~se.
The dirt-eater Of PatsRonia kissed his
wife fendiy. ~AnA what" he cheerily
asked. has my little girl for supper TO-
aightp" Il thought I'd surprise you,"
she exclaimed, and 90 / bought q nice
corner lot, high and dry. and only three
minutes walk from the pestofAce. -
Detrois 1TSesssse.
What won't these city women do
next 'SmanthyP What's all this talk
about umbrella skirts2" Il never did
zee man yet. Silss, that didn't make Q
fool OF hisself when he took to talkin'
about wimin's fxin's. Common sense
ought to have told you they raised them
NyAM
Leader.
Man In Uniform (sternly)-You may
as well give up without o Struggle.
Muscular Criminal-W'ye Man in uni.
form-Whyp Confound You; can't you
see I'm New York Police CaptainP
N. B. The muscular criminal gave up
at once. The amount will probably ba
disclosed BY the Lexow commlstee.-
BHfaIe Courier.
A small boy was at table where his
mother was not near to take care OF
him, and lady next TO him volunteered
her services. Let me cut your steak
for you." she said, IF I can cut it the
way you like it, she said, with some de-
gree Of doubt. Thank you," the boy
responded. accepting her courtesy; Il
shall like It the way you out it, even il
you do not cut It the way I like it,
Son FTGncisco ArsonGEt.
"Deed dab is trouble tween us!s she
exclaimed. with the fury Of @ woman
scoEned. "Deed aah is trouble, an ea
dat young lady hab any true frien's deys
Rwlne teF keep 'er outen my way
SHss yeu bin 'sultedes Il shoAy has /
tols her dat wVs Rwine ter hab au
upright piano glib 60 me fob or Carts mas
g!f." AN what did che says" "Shs
asked me wus gwine ter hAb It ler In
msr stockin'E-R Reshington Star.
Il understand" said Coogressman
Ssubhles. that they are rAisih' Obiec-
tons 10 the 'laborate wake which Us
Statesmen are i'bie 70 gle Of ws die in
harness." yes; there is some feeling
against It." sWell, that shows how Or
grateful . republic 10. You can haRs
nsither one thing Nor another. They
don't pay . patriot nun to live on, an
then they systematically remove any in
ducement there might be to de-