The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1895-05-27

Free Coinage In Dead Mans Gulch.
Chicago 7iH,r. HrGid.
DEAD MAS's GULcH, Colo. May l5.-
The noble cause OF free silver. is march.
ing on in the gulch. but WI demand a
new ratio. The change came about in
this way:
Last night Judge Hamm delivered his
celebrated lecture on Free Silver or .
Free Fighter both"
Red Light Hall was crowded, as tho
Judge is one OF the ablest advocate OF
free silver and free fights in the west.
He also believes in free whisky, but tho
score he owes at Colonel Sourmash's
Crystal Palace saloon prevents him
from airing his views on the latter SUBJ
ject,
"All tho great men in tho world are
tor a double STANDARD" exclaimed Judge
Eiamm in beginning. Look at the list:
Governor Waite and Mrs. Lcaee; Gen.
eral Coxey and Epenezer Wakely, and
scores OF others, just like 'eIn. The
emp'ror OF Chiny is for it, although, l
reckon. he'd rather pay UP in old iron
than anything else Just at this time; the
iubiub OF Bul.bul in lnjy is also for all
cr-or anything else no can GET.
Dead Mans Gulcheys never will be
slaves went on the imprisoned ora
tor, mot on your ASS. Give me n double
standard or give mo trouble-and. in
the meantime" continued tho speaker,
somebody give me adrink."
While the judge wa. bathing himself
inside with the contents OF n bottle
which had been passed 10 him, a tender
toot-a gold bug" from the east. who
was in the audience, arose. Tho single
standard %plutocrst said there could
only be one standard OF value.
The judge wiped his mouth with the
tail OF his coat and called on the
stranger to explain.
why, it's like this" said the prciu-
diced. graspirg plutocrat "a standard
pound. Tor instance. is sixteen ounces.
We could not have two standard pounds,
II OF sixteen ounces and another oil
eight. II all the world. except on r.
selves, bought and sold At sixteen
ounces We could not do business with
Others il we insisted on giving only eight
ounces to the pound. II you changed
the marks on the scales so that the
eight ounce notch would read n
pouud--l mean il a law were passed to
that oticct-it wouldn't make the eight
ounces equivalent TO the sixteen ounces
although the eight ounce scales and six
teen ounce scales would each record
what would be called n pound.
suppose you wero a grocer, judge"
continued this tool OF the Shylocks.
"and on ono set OF scales you sold Elk.
teen ounces Of coffee for u pound, and
on another set OF scales you sold eight
ounces oil tea, which those scales also
recorded as 4 pound; people might do
bushes with YOU in the coffee line, but
when it came to teu-well, they would
60 elsewhere"
That" said Judge Bluff, with a noble
wave OF his hand, lis what | call
aophis.ry, and shall ignore it,"
"As | was saying he resumed,
we've got to have more money, got TO
have it right here in Dead Mans Gulcll.
There amt been n sucker from the east
out here to buy n nina for two years.
Suppose 20 up TO my mino now and
dig ont m ounce OF siltor aud sell 1t,
whnt do ] get? Fifty ccn,s. What's
fifty cents? Four cocktails. Now il
Congress would pass n FREQ coinage bill
and ! got that silver coined into money
lG to | with gold, the value would DO
doubled and | could get eight cocktails;
do YOU wonder that | am for FREQ silver?
Think OF that odds; eight to ono on
cocktails !"
Tin Can Charlie. who had struck tho
grIch that morning on his th%iriy.ninth
annual tour around the world, arose,
and snid in n voice that trcmblcd with
excitement:
MAY | ask tho honorable gent aques.
tion?"
Turn yoursolt loose" replied tho
judge, smiling.
~ ouId that plan work both ways.
"llow TO you mOanT
'"N ould n ratio OF s to | with gold
mako the, cocktail ratio lG to ?"
at would" said tho talented orator.
"Thcn move that We ndopt rosolu-
tons demanding tho FREQ and uulim.
itod coinage OF silver at the ratio OF
s to l."
twas carried without n disscntingyoicc.
lhcn Colonel Sourmash, of tho Crys.
tai Palace saloon. who VIA in tho bnck
end OF tho hall, arose and his remark
broke up the meeting,
'ln the meantime" said Colonel
SonrmaS!'. tho ratio on cocktails will rc.
; main itol, aud hereafter you'll pay cash.