Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-01-10
MEANsioF SUCCESS.

MEANsioF SUCCESS.
Stern Father-"He who sows the
wind reaps the whirlwind.
Prodigal Son--"Well, he raises the
wind, anywhere. detroit Tribune.
THE VITAL POINT.
Kltty-"What do you suppose her
age is?''
Tom-'T don't know. But wo-
mans age doesn't matter so much as
how long she has beem that age. -
Puck.
SURE TO RECOVER.
'Doctor, do you thinkvmy wife will
recover"
"Oh, yes. I told her Iaalready had
wife picked out for you in case she
didn't get well. Life.
MODERN TRADE.
Merchant-"The bargainsale didn't
go very well to-day"
Floor Walker-"No. I think we
had better strengthen our rush line.
Ladies get to the counter too easily"
Detroit Tribune.
RULING PASSION IN DEATH.
Mrs. Coodove-"Did you know that
old Fustian, the drygoods merchant,
is dying by inches?"
Mr.. Coodove-'Is that so? Well,
he won't last long. He always gives
short measure. Puck.
A NARROW ESCAPE.
He-"I believe there was an acci-
dent at the church fair the other
night"
She-'I saw nothing of it."
He-"Thcre was, though. A couple
of fellows got away with their car
fare. Puck.
HAD HIM THERE.
He-'1 wonder when you will be
able to set rs good a table as my
mother does?"
Shelby the time you are able
to provide as good table as your
father does, my dear. - Burlington
Qowa) Gazette.
PLAINTIvE.
ga human life," said the sentimen-
tai young man, sis a poem tragic,
comic, sentimental, as the case may
be-"
Eyes" sighed Miss Passeigh, "and
SO many of us are rejected manu-
scripts. Washington Star.
THEFT WITH GENEROUS MOTIVES.
Emma-'Im in despair as to how
I shall get my husband Christmas
present.
Mary-"How's that?"
Emma-"You see, he's out of town
so much these days that don't have
any chance to go through his pocket"
Chicago Record.
CRUEL.
"Her-neck- -is-like the-swan's," she
was warbling, when her husband re-
marked in the surly way peculiar to
some men:
"Swans sing before they die," and
the silence that followed was SO ex-
hausting that he took his hat and went
to the club. Detroit Free Press.
ALL FIXED.
Foggs-'Is the 8. Is train here vet ?"
Station Agent-"Twenty minutes
late"
Foggs--"Would you mind telling
my wife to wait, ii the train gets here
before get back?"
Station Agent-''But how am I to
know herr"
Foggs-"Ah! to be sure; 1 hadn't
thought of that. Well, tell her not
to wait. Puck.
STILL KEEPING IT UP.
Meekly the Western politicians
awaited the word of the female De-
mosthenes.
''Will you support your husband9"
they asked "can we count upon you?"
eyes," she snapped, as the color
came to her sallow checks; "haven't
I always done it?"
And then the oldest among them re-
membered that she had taken in wash
ing before she became political lec-
turer.
OF COURSE THEY DO.
81 WONDER" said the sentimental
boarderess, "if the little birds make
any plans for their homes in the
spring"
"Of course they do" said the cheer
full IDIOT. Don't they have to make
. nest to mate?"
The custard pie that the astonished
waiter girl let drop to the floor at this
juncture fell on its soft side and, con-
sequently, was deducted from her
weeks wages. indianapolis Journal.
PARLIAMENTARY POINT.
The old parliamentarian did not like
the Young man who was PLAYING court