Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-10-20
FOR LAWYERS ONLY.
ACAsE OF ASSAULT AND BATTERY.
A Discussion of the Rights or Mar
ricd Women-somethfng About
Real and Personal Propersy-The
Only Mistake He Made.


mt the little angels on my tombstone
will state that am still living. Just one
month ago last payday l resumed the
occupation OF ''blacksmithing' at the
study Of law. and since that date /
have not been recognized on the map Of
Virginia. My existence has been so
blended with calf bound volumes that
begin to feel like bound calf myself
like bound calf being butchered. am
in myself living exemplification Of the
doctrine Of merger, for am being swal-
lowed up (or DOWN by volumes whose
very weight has mashed my brain TO the
proportions OF a buckwheat cake. Years
ago, when as n reporter l chronicled the
strawberry feasts of Fulton Baptist
church. / felt that Destiny wac beckon-
ing me from the calling OF Benjamin
Franklin to the footsteps OF that great
typewriter, T. Jefferson, who. besides
being speedy operator on Remington.
No. 2. was scarcely inferior 10 John j.
CrutchGeld as a lawyer. My subsequent
researches tmore properly excavations.
for that word implies previous digging
have made me profoundly respect the
gentleman who lately had tavern
named after him. What he forgot about
jurisprudence it would take me a gross
OF centuries TO learn. But I am not
writing history. II Is for ditty on law
that the organist is playing me the ac-
Compartment on the negotiable instru-
mept.
This year when we convened in the
classroom with 200 pages of typOgraph-
zeal errors Rugged up affectionately under
our arms, IL was announced that our
perspiraton would be first pumped up on
the rocky formations of Real Property.
BY way OF consolation. II was subse-
qUently announced that we would be
allowed TO indulge our goat-like propensl-
ties a little later by browsing on an adj
ditonal 1.20o pages Of Personal Property.
j didn't know much about the first sub
ject tall the property In our family being
OF purely fictitious characteD and OF
the latter l did not care 10 learn. for II
personal property means property In per-
sons. nv representation al the neighbor-
ing Nndergartens will afford me ample
knowledge. both OF the practical and the
theoretical sort. And then by way OF
entrees on this indlgestible blll-of-fare.
our professor coyly Informed US that We
would be requested to nibble on Criminal
Law and TO mastlcate n dainty little
volume designed 'Burk on the Rights OF
Married Women" If there Is any man
within the bound Of this G. o. c. grand
old Commonwealth who has a broad.
expansive. illimtable, immeasurable,
awe-inspiring knowledge of the rights Of
married women. that poor devil is my
self. Why need l study that dainty
work when every moment OF my do
nestle life gives me a clearer conception
or the subject? i could unfold n
treatise thereon which would bring the
whole bald-headed community at my feet
IN tears. BY this latter flight OF rhetoric
do not mean that my feet would be
In tears. but that those at my feet would
be lachrymose.
As for criminal law we need no en-
Ugtenment on that! The yearly. monthly.
weekly. daily, hourly momentary stories
or human cJssedness that we hear ought
70 suffice Why! only a few months ago
Manchester man assaulted his mother
in-law's Uranium with a Ratchet. thereby
battering the Ratchet and leaving q cory
memento on the cocoanut OF his adoptsd
parent In the mutilated words of the
little song:
There's name that's never spoken.
Iheres mother-in-law's head half
And Ratchet that has dents therein"
AN result of this ipdenture. and the
simultaneous breach of the skull Tho
husbands right TO curtesy has been
barred by the penitentlary. while the
wlfe mas obtained a divorce OH the ground
OF her consorts conviction for felony. If
yer mere was case appealing for
equitable interposition IL Is this one
Every sabbath when I meet my Sunday
school class AT the prison I ,noisten The
poor Fellows striped tweed suit with
kympathetic, Juicy tears. My heart bleeds
IKE cows liver In a butchers shon
with pity for him. Recalling lives which
nave been shattered even az a choice
Meerschaum pipe accidentally dropped on
.he pavement, l remember that there
1s no statute OF limitations on rnotbar.
In.iaw ana no equity Of redemption
when they foreclose their awful mort.
cages upon you. My poor convict friend
got term OF years on the peniten
tiary farm merely because he perrormsa
feat which justified him in savIn,.
Mother. did 1t with my little hatchet :"
me PRESIDENT OF our constitutions,
onNenuoii received life interest
Im many charming little stories for exc
cutine a feat somewhat similar ana
which justified HIM in saying: "Father
Old II with my little Ratchet"
mere is flaw In justice somawbere
CI, maybe the president Of the consti-
,utionai convention didn't dent hi.
Ratchet! oeH' HIS
BUT despite all the obstacles and oh.
ye.uonS ABOVE cited. our class was or
ganized and the roasting in .ba Gsr,
furnace and the wriggllng on The CO;
tees has begun. 1t didn't take ms bnt
TWO Gays TO learn that our respecte1
professor. cut or the milk OF human
knhohesS called the roll alphabetically
for instance. IL he 'quizzes'' Smith Ia.
oay' ne VIII pounce Oh Thomas to-mor-
row. ana SO on In the descending ana
ascending line. Heaven only knows what
would become OF us IL the COW which
furnishes this milk of kindness were 10
run dry. II he were TO skip about ~,
the roll thereby catching us unprepared
the generalization would be complete
Right here l would fam pause 10 toss a
ngurative bouquet at the noble old Vlr-
ginia gentleman whose duty II Is TO ham
mer legal knowledge through the various
geological formations which encrust orr
brains His Kindness. under circu,n-
stances when any other man would do
murder. is something which has ever
struck me. His patience. In the face of
impenetrable stupidity. is sublime. and
MS perseverance Is ever a stimulus TO
those or us who drop by the wayside
His gentle. sympathetic way OF telling
Us mat we don't know just what we are
talking about arouses my admiration at
all times, and convinces me OF the force
OF what he says. Not lawyer OF all
the many he has ever trained Will forget
MIN. The memory OF his courtesy stamps
itself indelibly upon our minds-much
more indelbly than the lucid explanation
or the rule in Sbeleys case. or course.
when We convened for the first lecture
mere were many ambitions restless