Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-12-05

(T0Dsc..Ia:s So
Lots OF room for cheerfulness,
Though 1t rains flood;
Let's be thankful that it's not,
Slush instead of mud.
-Washington Star.
In these days the matrimonial match
only seems to light on the money box
Truth.
Hoax--Have you any life insurance?
Joax-No. Can't get any. play foot
ball.-Philadelphia Record.
Silious-Leaye me alone with my
thoughts. Cynicus--What perfection OF
solitude.-Phlladelph Record.
"She's an old friend of mine" THAT
may be, but don't let her hear you put
1t In that way."-Boston Courier.
AAmma-why did you give the baby
that drum? Papa-Because he makes
less noise when he has the drum.-Life.
Hoyt has written play called THE
Satisfied Woman" This must be one
| OF Charley's jokes, or else he doesn't
know w0man.-Boston Courier.
"You believe In free silver, don't
your lido, but really haven't dol
lar about me that can spare just now"
-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. pr
| Don't you think. dear, we might af-
ford one OF the horseless carriagesw
1--WE might take the horseless part now
and wait for fortune TO bring us the
rest. Judge. aN
Don't give me gas" the patient said,
II fear that II you do,
And use the kind get at home,
You cannot see me through"
New York Herald.
Bowlder (excitedly)-I tell you, sir.
this town isn't big enough to hold us
both. Waugh (calmly)--All right. When
are you going away?-Somerville Jour-
nal.
Doler-Are you troubled with the
toothache? Moler 0n agony)-Great
Caesar! Did you ever know person
to have a toothache without being trou-
.bled with it-Roxbury Gazette.
"Your friend, Van Dooze, is great
practical JOKER I believe" Eyes, but
he isn't my friend any more" What's
the matterr' 4 played a joke on him
the other day."-Chicago Record.
Passer (seizing pickpocket in the acD
Here, what are you doing with my
watch? Pickpocket-Making it useful.
You see, a watch is worthless without
hands on it.-Richmond Dispatch.
Exact bridegroom (who is receiving
his brides dowry)-Ten dollars are still
wanting. ther-in-law-What? Oh,
my daughter swallowed that SO when
she was child."-Fliegende Batter.
Teacher-Now, suppose there were
five boys going skating, and they had
only three pairs of skates, how many
boys would have to look on? Boy-I
know; the two that got the worst of the
fight. Round Table.
Yeast-I wish this restaurant fellow
would print his bill of fare in English,
so fellow could tell what he is eat
ing! Crimsonbeak-Good gracious! Do
trade ?-Yonkcrs Statesman.
Ethel suppose shall have to wear
this veil; it's the only one 1 have. It's
so thick one can hardly see my face
through 1t. Edith--Oh, wear it, by all
means. Everybody says you never had
on anything half SO becoming.-Bost
Transcript.
Mrs Ferry-Dear, that necStie is get
ting frightfully seedy. Mr.. Ferry-I
guess 1t will do for another week or two.
Mrs. Ferry-George Ferry, if you don't
come home tonight with q new one
on, will buy you one myself.-Cincin-
natl Enquirer
Wife-What In the world do you want
with a trombone? You know that the
man next door has driven us nearly
wild by his performance on that awful
instrument. Hubby-Calm yourself,
my dear. That's the one I've bought
Harper's Bazaar.
"Great Scottv' howled the boss, "does
| It take you four hours to carry mes
sage three squares and returnY y IVY"
said the new office boy, you told me to
see how long 1t would take me to go
there and back, and l done It'll
dianapolis Journal.
SlngletOn-l suppose you lmaSlue tndt
woman is dead In love with you?
Spooner-Imagine! I'm sure Of 1t. I'd
like to have you hear her run on about
Kitty Steele, whom used to take round
to evening gatherings and such things.
| Boston Transcript.
81 want to buy q makeup box said
the young married man. "A makeup
box? the confectioner echoed. 1--WE
don't keep theatrical supplies" II mean
a box Of candy to take home to my wife.
promised to be home three hours ago."
indianapolis Journal.
II see," said Woody Whites patient
wife, "that the Cuban Insurgents have
decided to take another tack" "Have
theyT was the response, with q self
satisfied litter. "Thatll make 1t harder
than ever for Spain to sit down on
them, won't itT'-Washingtor Star.
"Come around next week, Saturday,
Hawkins. My wife and / are going
to celebrate our silver wedding" "Sil-
yer wedding? Why, you haven't been
married more than twelve years." II
know it; but silver has deprecated. It's
only worth twelve where II used to be
| twenty-five"-Life.
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