The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1895-04-23
PITH AND POINT.

The rolling stone is good one for
grinding axes. Boston Journal.
A man may run into debt, but he
seldom comes out at anything faster
than walk. -Texas Siftings.
They say when Cupid aims his darts,
He rarely ever misses;
Yet when he shoots at woman's heart,
lis then he makes the Mrs.
-Syracuso Post.
Mans greatest responsibility in this
world is woman and she is kept busy
seeing that he doesn't shirk it
Puck.
Mr.. Brown-"I've got a cold or
something in my head" Mrs. Brown
ct must be n cold, dear, I'm sure. -
Judge.
The wicked flee when no man pur-
sueth, so Gs to get into training for the
time when flight is necessary. Boston
Journal.
Never put off until to morrow the
man you can do to-day. His relatives
may come and rescue him. Boston
Journal.
'Do you like golf?" asked the PbiIa-
delphia girl "Im really not sure
whether / ever tasted any," gUrgled
the Chicago girl.-Philadelphia Rec
ord
Humorous Editor You have car
ried this joke a little too far" Sad
Humorist Eyes, sir that is why i
wish to leave it with you. boston
Courier.
Allow do you know that Mailer
has come in for fortuneT" B.
"Why, formerly people always said
he was crazy; now they say he's
original. "-Lustige Blaetter.
Duffy hat's pretty bright dog
Of yours, Jawkins." Jawkins---" Why,
yes; / believe that if he only knew
how to talk, he'd be smart enough to
keep his mouth shut ~" Harper's
Bazaar.
Johnny (who has iammed his fngerl
--"Plague take It'll" Teacher ooh,
Johnny, you shouldn't say that !"
Johnny-''You'd oughter hear my
papa when ne hurts hisself "-BostoD
Transcript.
Wigs (quoting) y" There's moth
ing like leather, you know, old boy
Wages Isn't there, though You
never saw any of the pie crust that
our new hired girl turns out. Som.
erville Journal.
Friend from the next street Ito
happy father - "Halloa, Jills, let me
congratulate you. l hear that you
have a new boy Mt your house" Happy
Father--'By George can you hear
him all that distance Pitt Bits
Arizona Pete -"What's that thing
that whizzed past?" Citizen-"A
trolley car Arizona Pete-'1n my
country we sometimes hold up rail d.
road trains, but you bet we'd let that
blamed thing have its own way.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Her Young Man-'T--I-T, sir,
would like" Her Father -"Well,
what is it, young man? Why don't
you stop mumbling? What have you
got in your mouth?" Her Young
Man-'I-Tm afraid it's my heart,
sir. '-Pearson's Weekly.
eff you must know, ma'am, said
the doctor, "your husband won't live
twenty-four hours longer. Good
graciousW CALCULATED the broken.
hearted woman. "and here you've
gone and prescribed medicine enough
for five days. '-TitBits.
Judgo-'1 understand the plaintiff
is suing for horse. Attorney Yves,
your honor, but there seems to be a
hitch about the evidence Judge
"Woll, You can't saddle tho responsi.
bility on the court Let tho case pro-
coed. Atlanta journal.
First Vassar Girl--"He said no could
not live without me- that I was, in
short, o sine qua non" Second Vas.
sar Girl-"And you said " First
Yassar Girl--"Well, gave him to un.
derstaud that ne was not exactly por-
soma non grata "--Harlem Life.
Married Man "Why don't Won Get
married, Miss Perkins? You are get.
ting TO look like back number
you will soon be an old maid" Miss
Pcrkins.-'If I were as easy to please
rs your wife was, j would have been
married long ago. - Boston Home
Journal.
Mistress--"T don't know what am
to do, Bridget, unless you get ND
earlier. Breakfast is never on the
table when Mr. Smith is ready for Il. %
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