The Opelousas courier., 1895-09-21
HEAR AN ASSESSOR,

He Relates His Experience and Gives a Ri
of Advice. His Piano and Poverty Prob.
lem. A Parrot that Was Cheap at Any
Price.
When by telling the truth an evil is
pe~rpetrated, then it is wrong to tell
the truth. | suppose that is the reason
so many people are doing good by tell
ing f~alsehoods to personal property
assessors. The town clerk registers
II oaths to faithfully perform the
duties of an assessor and the people
we assess do the rest of the swearing.
That isn't all. Occasionally we find
poverty and a piano together. The
| piano is assessable. and the poverty
isn't. If you assess the piano, you in
crease the poverty, and there you are.
These incongruities come up, and
unless you nave the wisdom Of a board
of equalization there is trouble.
Speaking about this board, ] have an
idea that they will just about double
the poor assessors figures when they
get down to work. A keen assessor
can locate every piano in his district.
If he doesn't hear it, everybody else in
the neighborhood has. and they will
tell him about it. asked a real nice
looking lady the other day if she had a
piano, and she said NO
why yes, mamma, we have" said
her little girl.
The mother said: go into the
house this minute, you naughty girl.
How dare you" And then the child
knew she had done something wrong.
She had told the truth to a nasty,
mean assessor.
Even the parrots are down on asses
sors. A Latin street bird told the as
SCISSOR to 60 to - any number of
Zines while he was conducting th7in-
quisitorial ceremony.
This is how they do it on Ashland
boulevard:
Scene, front stoop of a stone man.
sion. Dramatis persona. lady with
large diamonds in her ears, Negligee
attire. Assessor with book and an Off
cial smile.
Lady-We are cleaning house to-
day, all topsy turvy, and you can not
come in.
Assessor-Not at all necessary, my
dear madam, that / should 60 in. l
have brought this book and my mag
~ination along, and l can see all that is
necessary. ] see that this is a beauti
full house, and the eye of my magma
ton penetrates these walls. ] see a
grand piano, statuary by ~Throwalstere,
paintings by the old and new masters,
tapestries from India, carpets from
Turkey. china from Dresden, bric-a-
brac from all parts of the word-in
short, everything that a lady Of your
exceptional Judgment would use in en-
beilishing ca a noble mansion.
y & Sir!
: Assessor-Whle I a hardly ven
ture to place .fnFaluation upon such
treasures l wimpbe moderate and say
SIC, 600. tjas
I.ady-Dss ri you dare. Come in
anJ see. ~
9he asesa9seaor went in and found his
{ lure scarcely o~verdrawn, but
the f i~Sneourtesy caused a slump in the
val ati@E.
>Iere IS a lit of advice to persons who
-c luClilICu 10 TSSeIb tue IHtiuSiOu vi
an assessor. The advice does not cost a.
but if You do not act upon it pdel
may be caused no end of troubsIi cna9
money also. Throw your dosuraclps'
open, invite him in, give him |hnder-
stand that you are thapr;saged party
ard give him the infoHabiion ne seeks,
and it is ten to one1 Tat you will be
F,o,+ rod 1airl,, and cTb;pt or two pav
be stretched in yotf favor. Shut him
out, and he will make a record of the |
fact. and in fixing the valuation of your
property find nothing in your favor.
If you go to the Office with your sched-
lie. the fact that you refused admit
:ance to the deputy is noted, and in
hat event you will pay all the law de-
Side Assessor in Chicago
Times-Herald.