Birmingham age-herald., 1895-05-26
THE CYCLONE.

quietly left town during slight mis- understanding between the editors of the w. E. and eur chair was ably held down by the devil Next week comes the w E. We don't care a rap what comes after that It is the present that just i everastingly wades into us and makes us unhappy The devil has set more different kinds of grief afioat than was ever launched by the gentleman from hell whose name he bears The w. D., as seen in the light of the past, and re affirmed and continually emphasized Tn the present and pregnant with innumer- able horrors for the future, is a night mare that grows lnore disastrous to nerves and mean whisky every hour The devils continual wish last week was that "WhiskerS was here. We are here now, and the fondest wish that ever found expression in language, or lived in the human wish-shop, finds its reer in the one grand longing of our soul-that we were not here. Not an hour passes that some mandamus, lmitimus, sum mons-and-complaint, go-so-jail sort or communication is not served on us Not an hour passes that some one of the 13.000000 editors of the w. E. is not around here telling us how to do this and that, and how not to do that and this. Not solitary day passes that we are not assaulted by men with guns and men with bowie knives and spurs and lari- ats and horsewhips, men with fists like pair of hams, men with mean whisky and unlimited nerve, men with women and men with men. Not one half min ute goes by in which brief space We have not lived and died dozen lives and 100000 deaths It is getting lit- tie bit disastrous. And yet the Cyclone never has encountered such an era of prosperity as present. Every man that licks us or gets licked pays his subscrip- ton just the same. Every galoot that takes a shot at us also takes the paper Subscribers are pouring in through both doors, and dollars are rolling down the chimney and falling in through the roof. Every warrant for our arrest is ac- companied by a request for the Cyclone for one year or dozen. One man handed in his subscription for 100 con- secutive years. Yes, things are a trifle friskya just now. But we are fully de- termined to see this thing to finish women's edition. libel suits, breech of promise suits, spring suits and all-and still continue in our own pursuit of hap piness and corduroy until the last blasted man, woman and child. in the whole country has come up with the price of admission to this circus. Now is the time to subscribe
 Deacon Shortstop gave us a social call yesterday morning. and while discussing the prevailing temperature, atmospher- ical conditions, etc, caught sight of a quart flask which adorned our editorial desk He then launched forth upon the evils of intemperance. His address was so eloquent and altogether touching that when he wound up by requesting us to allow him to remove the object of temp tation from our sight, we consented, and when he sallied forth one of his coat tail pockets had a decided sag. That the deacon did not, later, have jag, as some evil-minded people have insisted has been clearly demonstrated. It hap pened that the flask in question did not contain the pure, unadulterated noun tain dew but was connection composed of alcohol, rough on rats and little dab of paris green. We had been using it with great success on our hand press to keep the bed bugs off. About two hours after our visitor had departed we saw Dr. Chasem tearing down the street to- ward the deacon's house with his medi- cal case in one hand and a stomach pump in the other. Thanks to the doc tors skill, the good apostle of temperance is now out of danger It is not known how the poison got into his system. One theory is that the flask broke in his pocket and soaked through his flesh, talk ing pieces of glass along with it. We re- gret that there are others who are too dense to accept this plausible theory.
 The good old days when men whose honor had been wounded sought redress with the trusty six shooter seem to have passed. We have entered on a degener- ate era, where when you call a man a liar or a horse I0leI ne cOOily asks you to prove it or come up with few hun dred. This is most regretable fact and the genuine old-timer is saddened when he thinks of ye good old days when hot words were accompanied by pistol shots and funerals. This new or der of things threatens to play havoc with the newspapers. No matter how quick the editor is with his gun, he can't exercise full freedom of speech when 1t threatens his pocketbook. The time a Sunday school paper, or take up his old job of punching cows. This fact explains why it is that we have been so careful in our editorial utterances of late. We don't want to get into any trouble.
 We want first-class, highly educated and eloquent lawyer Must be capable of pleading case anywhere, from the justice of the peace court up to the United States supreme tribunal of ap- peals Must be a good shot and quick at repartee. To the right man we will pay $2OO a year and feed. Must clothe himself We won't have a lawyer who won't clothe himself. He must devote his entire time to such cases as we shall have on hand from time to time He must not dabble in any affairs outside of the Cyclone law department If he understands setting type and can sling a pretty good pen we will make it $225 per. Apply at this office without refer enceS.
 ing up of the Bungtuvn female college will take place next Wednesday, The term now drawing to a commencement has been a peculiarly successful one and the faculty deserve much credit We be- lieve. too, that the faculty will pay up to man. The girls have not graduated in bloomers yet, but the chewing-gum exercises smack of all that is effete in