Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1895-02-15
Some Suggestions for the Further
Moral Improvement of Resi-
dents of the State.
Let No Unjust Discrimination be
Practiced Against the Dime Novel
and the Cigarette.
Some Customs and Habits Which
are Equally in Need of Legis-
lative Action.
Some Needed Legislation.

So"Ao ooVeo Lo1 Uuo cAUlS"o IlSlulty Ol
it's morals. At least, it will be 80 dis
tinguished if the lawmakers continue to
prescribe which of the personal habits
and desires of the individual resident
shall be given up, in the interests of the
common veal. So far, it has been i'm
possible to provide for the eradication
OF all the pernicious customs which pre-.
vail. Only a few of the more glaring
evils have been reached. And lest the
lawmakers should overlook some of the
vices which are slowly but surely sap
ping the ife-blood of the commonwealth,
it is but right that they should be
pointed out, in the interests of timely
legislation.
The cigarette, that arch-apostle Of
damnation, has been assaulted, and the
axe of legislative condemnation laid at
the root of this dreaded upas tree. Like
wise has the dime novel been called upon
to put up It's dukes, and square away for
an encounter with the law. Alkali Ike,
and Dare Devil Dan and Pigeon-toed
Pete, and the whole host Of border
heroes, whose prowess has been told and
re.told at the hands Of Mr.. Beadle, ct al,
are about to disappear from the circles
Of current literature-at least in North
Dakota. This is to be done, lest the
callow youth with the easily disarranged
intellect, should be tempted to forsake
the plow or the country school, and sally
forth upon the broad and billowy
prairies, to encounter the dusky Indian
upon his native heath, spring upon him
with a blood-curdling whoop, and cleave
his skull in twain with an approved
style OF bowie knife. It is not necessary
that these means should be adopted to
exterminate the western Indian. Civil
ization and agency whisky will do all
the discriminating which may be neces.
sary from time to time. And the legis-
lature does not wish this blood-thirsty
style of youth to be p]ropagated at the
hands of the inspiring dime novel. What
the state needs just now is fewer In
dian slayers and politicians, ard a
greater number Of muscular youths, who
are gifted with the requisite physical
ability to cope with the Russian cactus,
and snatch it bald headed, wherever it's
evil presence may protrude through the
soil of the family homestead. Hence
the proposed abolition of the CORY style
OF novel, which tends largely to crooked
burrows and weedy potato fields.
Having wrestled with these two prob.
lens of social economy, and emerged
from the conflict flushed and b%reathless,
but victorious, let the march of the con.
querors be not delayed until the other
crying evils of this fin de steele ere
are COPIED with and vanquished. In thu
first place, there is the man who eats pie
with his knife. He must be reached
and in some effectual and impressive
way. It is doubtful whether there ex.
lists a proper appreciation of the demon
allzing influence which is welded b J
his style of pie-eater. In revolutionary
days, when patriotism and heroism were
as common as mortgages are in our own
time, no D ate pie in this rude fashion
Shallow persons may tell you that this
was due largely to the absence of pie al
that particular time, but it is false. f
was due solely to the superior intellect.
uality and patriotism of our ancestors
But with the loose morals of a late]
civilization, has come this reckless style
of pie consumption, and it's effect may
be seen in repeated bond issues and the
recent Coxey rage. Some judicious law
is needed, whereby this evil may b.
reached and remedied.
Then there is the giggling maiden with
the agile jaws, between which the elab
crate wad of chewing gum plays inces
sanity to and fro. This might be- termed
the Tutti-frutti evil, and it's suppression
is imperative. Words are weak as tn.
average kerosene product under tn,
present inspection law, to set forth fit
tingly the dangers 1T the Tutti. .rutt
habit. 1t is rapidly undermining tn,
youth and beauty of the nation, and yet
it is allowed to thrive all unopposed.
Then we need an act for the regulatio,
and suppression of boarding house an
hotel butter, when it gets hey ond a Ger
tain horsepower, and is gifted with
stated degree of resistance. After thi
familiar brand of butter has done dut,
for a reasonable length of time, a com
mission should be appointed to see tina
it is retired from service with the honor
able mention, which much of it deserves
Some OF our butter has grown gray, al
partly bald, in its long and faithful ser
vice to the eating public. Much of it i
not by nature of retiring disposition. Il
is rather ambitious and energetic. anf
is 10th to leave the arena of it's own ac
cord. And it should be treated with II
consideration which is deserved by if
excessive age, and relegated to the som
bre shades of privacy and solitude
1 q NEs.