Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-05-08
Jirainia fres 2ress.
humorous

Miss Oldun-Pd like TO see any man alive
kiss me? Mr.. Sharp guess you would.
Asker-Do you ever cut rates in two on
your lines? Trolley Magnate-No; only
people.
Bookeeper-I see by the paper that our
customer, Sudkins, is married. Fashionable
Tailor-Indeed. | shall be sorry to lose
him.
The Mo,her-Yes, our baby weighed y
pounds when it was born. The Retired
Butcher deeply interested Without the
bones?
81 want a hat, but it must be in the latest
style" Kindly take a chair madam, aud
wal, a few minutes; the fashion is just
changing"
Mr.. Bilus-Tye had q roaring in my head
all dav. think I'll consult a doctor about
it. Mrs. Billus-Hadn't you better consult
a wheelwright?
Passenger-Don't the passengers make
you tired with the questions they ask you
Captain-Yes very much. What else IS 1t
you want to know
An Asinine Insinuation -"How do you
happen to be called Jack p ooh, it is just
a nickname" 81 didn't know but that it
was an abbreyiation."
Husband-Are my old rubber boots here
yet? Wife-Yes, dear. Husband-Fry
one of them for supper. This internal beef
trust can't change diet on me.
There she lay" said the sensational writ
er. "there on the floor, breathing out her
life in short pants" She must have been a
lady bicyclist, in up-to-date garb.
The cable brings the news that Miss Fran
ces Willard calls her bicycle "G!adys."-
Wait till she bumps a sand pile on a down
grade and she will call it something else.
Strauger-Can you tell me where the
Reading Depot is? Policeman-YeS, sir
Stranger latter a pausel-WeIl, why don't
you do it? Policeman-YOu haven't asked
me yet.
De Goodly-surely you believe that our
departed friends think Of Us with as much
affection as they did when they were here?
Old ~Gsyboy-Yes, Pm certain have many
warm friends in another world.
Patient latter the wound has healedl-Ies
I am all right sgain but fear that shall
carry this terrible scar as long as | live
Surgeon (resssuringlyl-Yes but then, you
know, Won may live only a year or two.
Magistrate-Why didn't You answer to
your name? Vagraut-Beg parding, jedge,
but l forgot wot name l gave las night
MISUNDERSTANDING you giveyour own name?
vagrant-No, iedge; I'm trevelin' incog.
Draw shouted the knight, slaring
fercely at his opponent. The other paladin
gazed steadily at the gentleman addressing
him. IF if be all the same to YOU" he
said, ~ prefer to stand pat" And the duel
went on.
C~rimsonbeak--I hear Manager Footlite is
in trouble. Yeast-Wha,'s the matter
now? "He was about to put on 4 living pic
ture in which several chickens figured and
the police authorities insisted that the poul-
try should be dressed
There's nothing more beautiful than the
month of April" she sighed tenderly. 81
wish that it could last forever" so do l.
he answered feryently. You, too, are fond
of nature, then" Eyes indeed. Besides,
have a note coming due on the first Of May"
"Well, old man, this is the first time I've
seen you since your marriage. Allow me
to congratulate you" Thanks, dear fell
low; thanks" Have you and your wife
decided who is to be the speaker Of the
house?' "Well, no; we usually occupy the
chair together"
Excuse me" said a clerk in u large store
to a customer. "but our rules no not permit
us to accept coins with holes in them
"Well, l received that gery coins at this store
in change only yesterday" protested the
customer. That may be. There is 10 rule
against giving punched coins to customers"
Mrs. Wiggles-Why, John, what made
you throw the alarm clock in the ash bar
rel? Mr.. Wiggles-Becaus the coniound-
ed thing don't exercise any Judgment
Whenever I set it at night it always used to
wake me up before daylight the next morn
ing, whether | wanted to sleep another hour
then or not.
The pastor babe her proceed. Tell ME
all" he urged, kindly. 81 put u button in
the contribution box" she faliered. He
smiled, And did your conscience trouble
you - he asked. The woman raised her
eyes earnestly. NO." she answered. Il
put in the wrong hutton and broke a set, and
would like 10 exchange it, if you please