Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-12-02
JUST FOR FUN.
A lost art-Prizefighting
A joyful lay-The hens.

A lost art-PrlZefightlng
A joyful lay-The hens.
The printing business is as full of
details as shad is full of bones.
Seasonable Cuts = Dark or light
meat when carving the Thanksgiving
turkey.
Youngey-Is that dog intelligent?
Her father-Well, he is very quick to
catch on.
'ENo, Maude, dear, we do not think
the cats voice is musical, even if the
animal is full of banjo and violin
strings"
She bitterly Before you married
me was an angel, I'll never be that
again, L suppose. He (sarcastically)-
Well, live in hopes.
"Take away woman" shouted the
orator, and what would follow?' eve
would" said the man at the back end
of the audience, promptly.
Hello, Jasman! Where are you liv-
ing now? With my wife, of course.
And where is your wife living? Oh
er-with her father.
ssYou should live near heaven" said
the preacher to the editor. 81 know
it," replied the editor; ''but those
mountain lots come so high"
People are having the same trouble
they used to have. If their horse got
out of wind, they had to walk. Now
it is the same with bicycle.
One of the poets of the day doleful-
ly inquiries: "And is there no sure
thing in life-but death?" In his po-
etc frenzy he has forgotten taxes.
Jumble-I hear Softleigh has some
serious trouble with his head. Doctor
Pooh! I've treatedhim for a!week
and I know there is nothing in it.
County Councillor = What is the
matter, madam? Fair Cyclist-I have
punctured my bicycle. Here is the
place. Won't you please make a
speech into it?
Magistrate Why did you call the
people to the house? Servant Girl
Master was away. Magistrate-Were
you frightened. Servant Girl No,
indeed. I was lonesome.
''That is the Light that Failed,'"
said one of the passengers as the troll
ley got off the wire and the short-leg-
ged conductor almost broke his back
across the dasher trying to readjust it.
Yes, said the young physician of
aristocratic lineage, our family has a
motto, but I prefer not to use it. 1t
is little too suggestive in my pro-
fession. What is it? Faithful unto
death.
Doting Mother-Yes, I shall be hap
Ply to give you the wages you ask, but
1 shall expect you to love children.
Nurse-I shall be happy to do so,
ma'am; but, of course, that would be
extra.
Why does the ocean moan SO sadly?
asked the romantic young lady. And
the practical young man advanced
the theory that probably some awk-
ward bather had stepped on its un-
dertow.
Rather a queer decision was that Of
Gatesville, Texas, judge who passed
sentence on Willis King, giving him
twenty-five years for killing Jesse
Jones and a life sentence for killing
Harrison Davis.
1t was a very cold morning, and
Bobbie came rushing into the house
very much excited. Mamma" he
cried, "there's something the matter
with me. Please send for the doctor,
Pm breathing fog!'
First Burglar Hello, Pete! Why,
you've got absolutely baldheaded
since 1 saw you last. Married? Sec
ond Burglar No, got into house
where the woman was waiting up for
her husband and she mistook me for
him.
"What were you thinking about,
Pat?' "Faith, I was thinkin' what a
blessin' it would be to us all if we cud
have the cowld weather in the sum-
mer when it is so hot, and the hot
weather in the winter, when it is SO
cowld.''
"Mother," asked ten year old Rich
ard, sis God in Washington and New
York as well as in Boston," eyes,
Richard, God is everywhere. "Can
he see everything that is going on all
over the world?" eyes, my boy"
"Well, them" said the little fellow
with enthusiasm Hwhat MAGNIFICENT