Connecticut western news., 1895-01-10

| Finder of the Fire Fiend" were request ed in Canaan so straightway I girded up my loins and iourneyeth to the land made dear unto me during my period of treatment for corpulence. was noti. fled my city address and ikenesses of my features hath been sought for and that the companion of thy youth had better come incog, but disguise was un- needed as the populaoe remembereth not my face and the likenesses had not been secured. Hence writeth an ob- scure name on the scroll David B. HlD and gosth to work with safety. It would be unprofessional to telleth thee of the progress of this undertaking and so, Son of the Nightengale, will tell thee of other things.
 Verify, my brother, this place is much the same in tbe season of snow as in the season of thunder showers and flies, only perchsnce a little more desolate One meeteth the same people and stumbleth over the same dogs as in the warm season and verify some of the populace weareth the same raiment. Not much change save that '-society. as left 1t" was dormant but now Is not in the least woodchucky and strain eth itself to it's uttermost elasticity. Dur ing the hours which I toileth not, I have been observsnt of society in the land of Canaan, and, Oh my brother, the study smuseth me. It difereth from the society of King Arthur's land in one essential particular and the diff ference IS thus: In the Kingdom, blue | blood, if not treasure. is essential; but here-well will not weary thee with the details. Society here is a ten-dol- lsr-a-week affair and it hath been sub- iect to imitation at that figure. It cometh hard to draw the line, for, verify, 8 man may draw it through a brothers or cousins neck in doing it. Society amuseth itself with two things, dancing and cards, and will add kro- kinole for the more conservative. At the dancing man is in a peculiar situ- ation. Nearly all of the feminine danc- CTS are married and thereby 'layeth the trouble for the youth. If he danceth with one mans wife straightway that | man is mad and vieweth that youth with disfavor. If the youth dance not with the welded maiden that man is mad just the same. and curseth the youth for neglect of social duties, and, verify, also if the youth bringeth with him dancing girl from strange coun- try. the femenine gender riseth up and | say: ''aint we Canaan women good enough to dance with?" And, Oh Allah, the deuce is to pay generally with the youth. The whist and the krokin- ole furnish no such predicaments for the youth, but, verify, he steereth clear of these and spendeth the evening studying his Sunday school lessons or learning the game of billiards. But even go the whist and gatherings like unto it furnisheth much enjoyment And now. Oh Tawny Son of the Sands, allow me to whisper thee, land my breath smelleth not of sarcasm) that society here Is harmless, it dealeth not with scandals and promptly sitteth upon any who would try to ruffle the tranquility of its surface, and standeth not in fear of any great simeon. And verify, Al Id Hammid, when taketh in marriage the Rose of Hestor street of which I am smitten I will bring her ! unto this place and abide me here.
 Now, Oh Child of the Desert, as I sitteth by the glowing embers of the steam radiator in the caravsnsary of Warner on night which was cold, dealer in merchandise eat nigh unto me and anon emptieth himself of an accum- ulation of much spit which smelled of nicotine, and he spake unto me and saith II will tell thee a funny story" and answered him "Yumpl Reel her off" Then he spake these words :"This is
 THE STORY OF THE HICKORY CLUB. Once upon time the youth of cer- tain village did not have a club, not even base ball club or a policeman club. and thinking that for their we'll | fare they should have a club handy to be got at in case of emergencies, they searched the country and forests round about and gathered material and made themselves club They found when they had had it some time that the club was a hickory club; and thou kpowest, Ben In Mud, that a hickory club is tough and hard and even so the Hickory Club IS tough and hard"
 And after he had done he chuckleth to himself and saith '.It applies, it ap- plies" And laughed my stage laugh like unto that of the interlocutor in minstrel show) and putteth on the smile that I useth when I playeth "draw"and told him he was merrioldcuss. But I have since learned that he telleth the story wrong and that the club was 8 chestnut, and a don't apply; and that the youth of that village are onto that dealer in merchandise and they say he is mad old eluf only they spell the "mad" and "eluf" backwards. But verify it is none of my concern and in- teresteth not thee. my brother.
 | Now, Oh Vender of Sweet Fruits. that I hath addressed thee at great length I will subside into my professional char acter of the "Fire Ferret" and bring to my aid the knowledge of the magiciaDs and try to discover why wood burneth, and water quencheth.
 BEN IN MUD.