Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1895-09-09
Let Us All Laugh


And make lively stir,
If in these days we could forget
The mad thermometer!
ATLANTA Constitution. x
The wife-It must be bedtime. Hus-
band-Hardly; the baby hasn't walked
up yet.-Life.
"Hi, Jimmy, wot's de matter?"
Backs blistered." "Swimmin' or lick
ln'?" "Both." ."-Chicago Record.
"They say Hamsby is generous to a
fault" "Yes, he is, il it happens to be
one Of his own faults. Buffalo Ex-
press.
Host-Never shall I forget the time
when l first drew this sword. Chorus
When was that? Host-At rattle
Firefly.
Young Man lin periodical store)-I
want Fireside Companion. Lady
Clerk (archly)-How would do?-Te1-
ms Siftings.
Al hear that your friend y. has
gone to South America. Was it upon
his physicians advice? B.-No; his
lawyer s.-Tid-Bits.
The summer girl is great on changing
her suit She goes seaward with dia-
monds and returns home with hearts,
Yonkers Statesman.
Belle-Mr. Jolyer is such nice man.
He said had voice like bird. Nell
Yes; he told me you sang like an OWL
Philadelphia Record.
Jagson-I see that your pretty type
writer is gone. What's the matter?
Hogson-Married. Jagson-The girl?
Hogson-No; I!-Syracuse Post.
isn't he rather fast?" asked the anx-
lous mother. ''Yes, mamma, in one
sense of the word. don't think he can
get away."-Indianapolis Journal.
How to make the new dress: Take tho
material for two skirts and make the
sleeves, then take the material for one
sleeve and make the skirt.-Nashville
American.
Oh, sweetly tender was her look,
Her hair was bright as gold;
/ bought three copies of her book,
And then her glance grew cold.
Chicago Times Herald.
Patient-The heat is so oppressive,
doctor, l feel like committing suicide.
Doctor-Oh, that would never do. AS
said before, my friend, what you need
is a change.-Life.
"That woman dispenses great deal
of social lemonade" "What do you
mean?" "Simply that she is always
saying sour things in sweet way
Indianapolis Journal.
"Papar' "What is it, johnny" 81
read a poem In my school reader which
spoke Of dogs Of high degree"
"WellT' Papa, does that mean skye
terriers ?"-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Nibbs-What q perfect poem the
counts rich wife Isl" Dbbs-Yes; the
count is the only man know Of who
can make poetry pay him thirty thou
sand a year.-Ncw York World
Won't some inventor, sage or mentor,
Find that chief Of boons,
Tho wear-resisting, long -persisting,
Non-bagging pantaloons?
New York Recorder.
She-Oh, my! there's something gone
down my back! He-Its one of those
laundering bugs, | suppose. "No; l
guess it's one of those lightning bugs,
George. ."-Ionkers Statesman.
Cawker-"Barlow made rash pre-
diction just now" Cumso-"What did
he say?" Cawker-"He said that the
time would come when it would be re.
spectacle to be nest."-Judge.
She-Do you know, Harry, father has
forbidden you the house? He-Forbid-
den me the house! l never asked him
for his house. His daughter is good
enough for mc.-Boston Transcript.
"Have you the Relics of By-Gone
DaysT" asked the young lady, enter
ing a book store. Yes" replied the
polite clerk. with bow, eve have somo
Statesman.
If u bicycles known as bike"
A tricycle. must be "trike,'
And when winter comes round
1t will doubtless be found
That an icycle goes as an "ikc."
Star.
Lea (sadly)-I don't know what to do
with that son of mine. He's been two
years at the medical college, and still
keeps at the foot Of his class. Perrins
promptly chiropodist of him.
Puck.
"Yes," said the girl who was chewing
gum, sit is simply awful the way the
poor people do suffer this frightful
weather. How I pity them! And the
worst of 1t is, of course, that ones hair
simply won't stay in curl."-New York
Recorder.
"And you say Dodkins is married?'
"Yes." "Why, l thought he hadn't
cent of money" "He hadn't. But he's
all right now. The young lady has any