The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1895-06-28
ON THE FOURTH.
Love. Romance and why He Was Never
Married.

Love. Romance and why He Was Never
Married.
Jack sat on the piazza smoking cigar.
! joined him. A parcel OF mothers were
gathered together in the front yard watch
ing their respective kids, five OF whom
belonged TO Jack They were making q
perfect racket. Pinwheels swished against
the blackened gateposts powder crackers
spit and snapped, skyrockets banged
through the air, and the youngsters
squealed with delight. Now and then a
frightened "Oh!" from one of the mothers
could be heard above the din.
What are you laughing at, Peter" said
Jack as threw my head back and gave
vent to the most uproarious laughter.
well, TO tell the truth, said l to my
innocent companion. II was thinking of a
Fourth of July experience once had with
an auburn haired girl" and I again
laughed.
Fire away" said Jack very appropri-
ately.
"well, you see," answered I, "a new
girl came to visit my cousin Jane l was
completely gone In half an hour after the
introduction. 1 invited her to go sailing
on the night of the glorious Fourth. A
boat. Roman candles and skyrockets lay
cuddled together in the stern, and powder
crackers by the package were there That
evening arrived. Opposite me in the
stanch Clarissa sat the witching girl Her
eyes were bright, her cheeks pink, and her
intoxicating auburn bang would have
knocked an artist dead on the spot. After
an hour or so of small talk verging awful
ly near the will you be mine period
thought would brighten her just a little
bit, so that might console and pet her
afterward, so l set off firecracker under
the seat on which she was sitting Glori-
ana Johnsonl With noise like q rebel
yell she shot up two feet in the air, bias
like, and dropped into the water with a
thud that denationalized my soul. She
arose TO the surface l made a dive for her
and just reached her hair. / clutched 1t,
and the struggling owner dropped again
TO the bottom, leaving the wig in my
hand. 1 soon again observed an object
shining In the moonlight, and / grabbed
her just in time. / hauled her into the
boat and gave her my handkerchief with
which to mop her face She clapped 1t on
her head in q jiffy and tied it under her
chin. l then Tipped the wig toward her.
1t landed on the overturned lunchbox.
Such messl Divorced slices of bread and
ham lay strewn in the bottom of the much
bedraggled Clarissa. Cookies swollen to
twice their normal size decorated the sides
of the sarsaparilla bottles. The edam
cheese that prided myself on rolled hither
and thither among the other stuff like
something demented. Not word was
spoken between us. Mutually shocked, we
sat like mummies. l landed her at the
boathouse, and as she stepped upon the
boards she turned and said, For heavens
sake, Mr.. Waterman, If you have any char
ity in your heart, any honor in your soul,
swear that you will never divulge what
has happened this evening. She looked
so drizzly, faded out and woebegone
promised faithfully never to speak of it to
ahuman soul, and of course l never have. 4"
Jack looked at me curiously for mo-
ment, then he said
my, my, that's the reason, then, you'd
never get married.