Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-01-21
JUST FOR FUN.

We are discovered! exclaimed the
hairpin. Impossible, insisted the col
| lar button.
Teacher (to cambridge street boy
/ Now, if you have meal at Il O'Clock,
what do you call it?" Luck, said the
boy.
Clara-Those toilet things ordered
! haven't come. Maude-Then [ don't
suppose you'll have the face to go to
the ball tonight.
'Do you have to treat your maid as
she were member of the family?''
"Mercy, no! We have to be very kind
and polite to herr
"The cat made an awful noise in the
back garden last night" eyes, fa-
Their, l suppose since he ate the cana
ry he thinks he can sing"
Judge-Your innocence is proved;
you are acquitted. Prisoner Very sor-
ry, gentlemen, to have given you all
this trouble for nothing.
Margaret, how do you like your
new minister?" con, don't like him
at all. He's not bit sensational. He
talks on religion all the time"
Jimmie-Papa, why is this called
fountain pen? Papa = Probably be-
cause it produces a wonderful flow of
language whenever it is used.
Is it true that Mrs. Strongmind was
expelled from the Advanced Women's
Club? Yep. She was found guilty of
ungentlemanly conduct, believe.
Mrs. Weems-I do believe you were
scared half to death when you pro-
posed to me. Mr.. Weems-Indeed I
wasn't. I thought you would say no.
Weary Watkins-Whatd do you think
of that? This paper says that you are
tired. Hungry Higgins-I think it is a
scheme put up to starve US felIers to
death.
Gableigh = Do you believe in the
power of the human eye with a wild
beast? Professor Yes, the power Of
the eye is very useful-to see the wild
beast coming"
america has no standing army, I
believe" said the foreigner. cit is
clear you haven't spent much time in
the street cars of this great country"
replied the native.
Wife-How people gaze at my new
dress! I presume they wonder If |
have been shopping in Paris. Hus
band-More likely they wonder if
have been robbing a bank.
A book agent attempted to sell
Frankfort politician an encyclopaedia.
Encyclopaedia" exclaimed the Frank
ford man. "No,I don't want it, Would
not have time to ride it,"
"You are not in love, Robbie. You
only think you are.' "Wel, how the
dickens am to find out my mistake,
if am mistaken?' ooh, marry the
young woman, by all means"
Office Boy - Dere's two men out
dere wants to see yer, one Of 'em's
poet, and t'other ms a def man. Ed
itor-Well, go out and tell the poet
that the deaf mans the editor.
Murray = Wall street is very we'll
equipped for the man who wants to do
little speculation. Holloway-Oh, [
don't know. There is a graveyard at
one end and the river at the other.
''There's no doubt" said Mr.. Dolan,
'tabout there bein' wan great advan-
tage in bein' born in this country"
cam phwat's thot?" inquired Mrs. Do
LAM cit saves the proice of steam
ship ticket"
Dr. Edward Everett Hale, who has
sounded so often the praises of sleep,
is reported to have rem arked that he
had been giving throughout the West
lecture on sleep, with illustrations
by the audience.
A little girl was overheard talking
to her doll, whose arm had come off,
exposing the sawdust stufing. "You
dear, good, obedient dolly, knew I
told you to chew your food fine, but I
didn't think you would chew it SO fine
as that"
! possessed by Hoods sarsaparilla. Above all
! it purifies the blood, thus strengthening the
nerves; it regulates the digestive organs, in