davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

sermons or the music. Maud:''
IL go for the hims,' said Maud
Harpers Bazaar.
Tommy Bingo-"Sister had her young
man to call and see her last night, and
L was peeping through the keyhole, look
ing laena at them, when ma same along and
did she do:' Tommy Bingo-'She took
a look. -Tid-Bits
Yes remarked Mrs. Malaprop, sit
was a great sight. First came the King,
carrying a sceptic in his hand and wear
ing beautiful red mantle all trimmed
with yermin. 1t was grand sight
Truth.
Miss Waltzer-''Let us have another
round before the music stops Young
Dancer generously, but absent-mindedly)
81, -cer..ccinly-on me, this time. >
Brooklyn Life.
-.Wife-''I am afraid you are not en-
ing OFF, Husband-"I was. thinking that
there must be misprints in your cook
book. "-F'liegende Blaetter.
"A barber, after applying some stick
ing plaster to a cash made with the razor.
prepared, nothing daunted, to continue
the operation. Customer only fight
up to first blood. The duel is at an end );
let us shake hands.''-Il Motto per Ri
dere
From a Professional Standpoint
First Lawyer-"Seems to be an epidemic
of embezzement and that sort of thing"
Second Lawyer-''Yes; and there is one
feature which is particularly unfortun-
ate" First LaWyer-"What is thatT'
Second Lawyer-''Nearly all of them are
pleading guilty. Puck.
Shipwreck and war have beheld
And many awful things;
But worst of all was when held
Four jacks and saw four kings.
New York Herald.
1t is said that a recent earthquake in
Persia killed 100 women in one bath. We
think we could guess what caused the
convulsion.-Chicago Dispatch.
~ can't help my dislike for it, said
Meanderins Mike; Il oncet seen a sign
an 1 never could have no respect for it
sence. "-Washington Star.
I'LL just lie in wait for the next man
that comes along" remarked the defect
i've weighing machine-Philadelph Rec
-.B'gosh,' said Farmer Corntossel, as
he walked out of the depot, Il never git
Fust it's bunco, then it's a gold brick, an
now. by hockey, I'm frost-bit. ''-Washing-
ton Star.
-Unkletom-''I hear you turned people
away in Jayport.'' Barnes former
I'VE tried to, but they wouldn't go until
they got their money back. "-Indianapo
Journal.
-Judge-"What made you turn bur-
glar?' Tramp-'I am so fat that peo>
pie refused to give me food. '-Flegen-
de Blatter.
-''Teeth inserted without gas" as the
fellow who owned a savage dog inscribed
on a board outside his garden gate.-Tit>
Bits.
-Madly she wept-"You have killed
the last vestige of my affection for YOU -
she sobbed. rs that 500" he answered.
Maybe now you will find some time to
attend to the cooking. "-1ndianapolis
Journal.
Collector-"You say that you are not
liable to income tax? Why, you must
be spending $4,000 year, Jack
Dashing- Very likely; but what has
that to do with my income" -New York
Sun.
She Gin the box)-"I wonder who that
man over there in the orchestra is? He
never smiles when the audience roars,
but instead looks sour" He with herr
He must be dramatic critic. syria
cuse Post.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
REPAIRING AN OCEAN CABLE.
ne.icate Work, for Which Wonderful III
struments Have Been Invented.

nat;cate Work, for Which Wonderful IN
strume nts Have Been Invented.
II is said that one submarine cable IS
laid at depth of $4,000 feet. But there
ore Mt least three cables working at d
dnnth of nearly 1900 feet, and four IN
ahont 10000. The vast majority lie IN
watcr about 10000 feet deep or less les
Renairinc a cable is hard work Lie
onnaratus has also to be at once sensl-
I've and strong. AS is generally known,
the repairing steamer proceeds TO the s.
no;nt Where calculation shows the break
or damage to have hapepned. and then
lovers n crapnel, which it slowly drags
across the route of the cable at rlsnt
angles. As soon as tension on Tue
rrannel rope is noted, due to catchlns
The cable it has hooked, great pains nave
to he taken lest the precious treasure
trove slip off at any stage of its journey
nm to daylight. Special grapneis nave
haen devised for this important WorA.
In one of the latest the prongs proJeclt
fron q hook like the claws OF crao
-. 4,,rtle. Should any of them come IA
oa,+act with rock on the bottom OF tne
500 thew recede within the. shield SUI
Ec;ently to let the. 'grapnel s1iue osea
~ nhstruction. The writer has seen
sI,,,nIs Of prehistoric granite as pig as
one's fist brought up by closged grapee
u unl from more than 1000 fathom 1son OF
water. In this new grapne! tns pio Iii
;f # has hooked blight OF cape. Mo h,
st;ll hold on when it retracts lnlo Tue
sheil.-New York Morning Aovertisei.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
SPILLED OUT THE VACUUM.
An Incident Which Befe1l the Good Frig
ate Worcesfer Off the Carolina Coast.

~e~A O~N-->~
Sailors have odd notions of scientific
matters sometimes" ventured a gray,
haired chief engineer yesterday, who had
recently been commended by the navy de-
partment for his faithfulness to duty IN
der trying circumstances; Then he spun
this yarn to Mail and Express reporter:
MANY years ago, when | was an as,
Worcester, fifty guns, we We're caught fi II
shin was struck by wave after wave of
tremendous size, aud the conclusion waa
SO great as finally to break one of our
vacuum tubes and scatter the mercof! IN
il over the engne-room floor.
':The machinist on watch was good
tactical man, but lacking in general edu,
cation. Leaving an assistant in charge
in the engine-room, he rushed into the
wardroom, and looking around the grouI
his department head, and, rushing up to
him. he saluted and said:
'"Chief, the vacuum tubes is broke, and
the vacuum's running all over the engine
room fiporv T"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
TWO THOUSAND PIGS.
'Pins Fhfase that Started a Kentuck-
ian'S Fortune

1an's Fortune.
Inc man took a long draw from his
49,. pew the smoke in curls from his
,ips, ana as ne crossed his legs told re-
prominent banker in Frankfort: When
10y trend was young man he was by
i iio means III good circumstances" said
ne, out he was lifted into wealth nv
us hls ilsplng, fault which he tried hard.
put u!nsuccessfuly, to overcome. At
t Lnat Time he had a small farm, and, as
MS corn crop came out we'll though il
was almost unstable on account Of the
oser,supplled market and low prices. he
concluded he would purchase two sows
aIiu pigs and fatten them on the corn.
he called his hired man.
John, said he, I want you to go and
puy me two thows and pigth.'
Whewv the hired man yelled. do
you really mean it?''
~, eth, | do Msped my friend.
We'll, John disappeared, and my
TREND looked for him to return the next
morning. But he did not come. An
other day, and finally five days passed,
ana the famer became uneasy At last
'onn put IN an appearance.
Mhere on earth have you been?' my
friend asked, in establishment.
I'VE been for your hogs
Did YOU get themY
Yes, sir. Yonder they come down the
road. And I tell you I had trouble get
ting tg them, ,aand | had to give good prices
for them; They're good ones, though
BY that time the poor farmer had
aearl y tainted, for, gazing in the direction
pointed out by John, he saw a whole
army of pigs coming down the road
There were 1000 of them.
.,,., 'Je-ru- tha-lem! gasped the man.
What on earth
John told him that he had done just
what he was told; had bought 1000 pigs.
He had paid for them by giving orders
on his employer. My friend was almost
paralyzed, but he saw he had to grin and
bear it. He made contract with a
neighbor to fatten the hogs, and in the
meantime Johns orders on him had be-
gun pouring in like snowfakes in a snow
storm. They broke the man up. Short
" after that the Mexican war broke
out and the government offered fabulous
prices for provisions and stores for the
army. My friends hogs had been fat
tened up, and he sold them to the gov
eminent, and he made four or five times
as much money as he paid for them and
got his start toward wealth. Louis
vile COurier-.JOurnal
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
ST. ELMO'S LIGHT.
Remarkable Electrical Display in the
- Sky.

Remarkable Electrical Display in the
Sky.
At midnight last night Detroiters who
were awake witnessed one OF the rarest
electrical phenomena to be seen. Just
after the snowstorm the sky cleared off,
and then suddenly blazing column of
fiery electrical vapor hung straight over
every electric light tower in the city.
The phenomenon lasted about a quarter
Of an hour and then as suddenly disap-
reared, but it was a very beautiful sight
and one never to be forgotten. Imme-
diately following it there was sudden
rise of temperature and warmer at
,osnhere.-Detroit News. March 16.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
Next.

Teacher-"Yes, children, the hairs Of
our heads are ali numbered.
Smart Boy quilting out hair and pre-
senting it)-"Well, what is the number of
this hair!''
Observation-Disclosures one, Johnny, and
quilting out several more) these are num-
bers two, three, four, five and six. Any
thing else you want to knoW!'
Smart Boy" Mono, sir. Player and
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
Adjust Family Differences.
Bad temper is often merely bad indi

Bad temper is often merely bad lndl-
gestion.
Many quarrels attributed to perverse
dispositions are due to disordered livers.
Ripans Tabules adjust family differ
ences, and would prevent them, which is
better, if taken in time.
Ripans Tabules, taken after meals,
morning and evening, for a while, regu-
late the system and sweeten the temper.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
Honest Politics.

eyes," said the sporty gentleman, 1--WE
got our little bill through all right. 1t
cost us $4,000, but the money was spent
honest. You see it was this way. The
day it was to come up, we throwed our
little ten thou into a dry goods store
tiful bargains on his counters that when
it came to vote there wasn't female
member of the Legislature present. In
dianapOlS Journal
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
ur;rconSin Patents.

!, for the following Wisconsin
patents, are are reported this week by En-
| ,rep tjIG31EoeIer & Wheeler, 5S and SO
Ia W ad Trust building, Milwaukee,
oan a anu attorneys will furnish the
HIS .ll rs;' Handbook" free on request.
drfen'oi T. Anderson, Rhinelander, spoke
rlnOnnai g CLAYTON w. Barney, Hartford.
factor ,,iance: William F. Clausen, She,
|patll aplpuittomatic bridge-gate; Alfred 10.
rsan,. Milwaukee, index; Henry Hagen.
r-Fi tesiln,o 1i nut lock; Nathan l.. Holmes,
1ns sgrin aHi FEanf & IT. Tfs sss
fGapIheeee' apparatus for playing duplicate
GFap44oeb6n Reichert. Racine. seat for vehi-
tfbis ,J, Til ]. Snyder and e. Pitske, Mer-
Ii; h 1nDr for rotary cutters; Edmond To-
Al s.9Stur5inptte. game counter.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
Trouble in the Sanctum.

"See here" said the editor of ''The
Plunkville Bugle'' to his new reporter
you neglected to refer to the proprietor
of the Silver Star restaurant as a genial
boniface' in your article speaking of him
yesterday, and now he threatens to sue
me for my board. You may do for large
cities all right, but you amt on to
Plunkville yet, not by heap.
aDOlS Journal
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
The Modern Way

Commends itself to the well-formed, to
do pleasantly and effec' ually what was
formerly done in the crudest manner and
disagreeably as well. To cleanse the
system and break up colds, headaches
and fevers without unpleasant after eff
fects, use the delightful liquid laxative
remedy, Syrup of Figs.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
A Late Riser.

a. m)-"Is Mr.. Jones ups
Clerk es, sir"
Caler-"Is he down.?
Clerk-"Yes, sir"
Caller-'Ah, thanks. I'll step into the
breakfast room and see him. detroit
Free Press.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
An Income Tax.

Erick-"We impose a fine of 1 cent on
everybody who enters and leaves the
door OPEN"
tax."-New York Morning Journal.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28

Beecham's pills are for bill
iousness, sick headache, diz-
ziness, dyspepsia, bad taste
in the mouth, heartburn, tor
pid liver, foul breath, sallow
skin, coated tongue, pirnples,
loss of appetite, etc., when
caused by constipation; and
constipation is the most fire.
quent cause of all of them.
One of the most important things for
everybody to learn is that constipation
causes more than half the sickness in the
world especially of women; and it can all
be prevented. Go by the book free at your
druggist S, or write B. F.AllenCo. 1865 Canal
ST., New York. Pills, 100 and 25f box.
ANNA sales more thar 6 600 coo boxes.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
King Lcar Driven Forth

Into the cold and rain, had no Hostetter' s
Stomach Bitters to counteract their effect.
But the modern traveller in inclement
weather can battle it's hurtful influence with
this genial protector. ChiMs and fever rheu-
matism, neuralgia. colds are forestaled by
this warming medicinal stimulant and safe
guard. Take a wineglassful Immediately be-
fore and after exposure. Use it. too, for dyS-
pepsia, biliousness and consultation.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28

am entirely cured of hemorrhage of
lungs by Piso's Cure for Consumption
Louisa Lindaman, Bethany, Mo-, Janu-
airy 8, 1894.
81 see that Hoyt is going to have his
new play vaccinated.' ''What for?' ''To
see whether it will take or not."-Truth.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
BaIlSs

Wigs (meditatively)-" wonder if
an army cannon ever obtains an honorable
discharge"
Waggs-''Nop; just gets fired. Buffalo
Courier
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28

The Sanction of Physicians has been
accorded to that standard disinfectant,
Glenn's Sulphur Soap.
Hills Hair and Whisker Dye" black
or brown llc
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
He Nearly Smothered.

Hotel Clerk Ito rural guest)- Morning,
night?'
Mr. Smithkins (weakly)-"Only fairish.
Y see l hain't used to sleepin' folded
up in them new-fangled foldin' beds yet.
I'm hanged if | didn't nearly smother
twist New York World
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28

Belief is gaining groun M, tn ;naom rne fax
law unconstitutional.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
Could Tell by the COr1

Thar is the place whar the major fell
through the ice"
How do you know?"
Easy enough. Jest look at that cork
hoatin' Yanderv
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
=.
A PARALLEL.

There is many a slip
Twixt the cup and the lip
SO the poets satirical sing:
And the world also sees
That there's many freeze
TWiXt March and the genuine spring.
Washington Star.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
Cali 1t a Craze.
N ALARMING STATEMENT
= CONCERNING WOMEN.
III RAD HABITS ARB FORMED.

r,.y York Tribune says ".rhe habit Of
1 NE - 'bFeadache powders is increasing to an
5bns extent among great number of wo-
J'fn ltH--99ugl1out the country. These powders az
III l Iar,e indicates, are claimed by the manu-
ta' n rsto be positive and speedy cure for anv
En' IF headache. In many cases their chief
fri .S 81 is morphine, opium, cocaine or some
3s so,,av injurious drug having a tendency
t:, , Cen pain. The habit of taking them IS
aS q" armed, but almost impossible to shake
en- women usually begin taking them to re-
% aging headache and soon resort to the
"I,ar to alleviate any little pain or ache thew
p. be subjected to, and finally like the NOR
o. A. or opium iend, get into the habit of taking
5., regularly, imagining that they are in pain
5 5sssy happen to miss their regular dose"
n nine cases out of ten, the trouble is
:, the stomach and liver. Take simple
,rstive and liver tonic and remove the
ending matter which deranges the
torach and causes the headache. DR..
Sarce's Pleasant Pellets are composed
rtirely of the purest, concentrated,
,sgptable extracts. One Pellet is
;se; sugar-coated, easily swallowed;
VIZ used, aI1Oays in ta0or. They posi-
rpIv cuyr sick headache and remove
he disposition to it.
ur =. VARGAsoN, of Otter Lake. Ln5r-y IN
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28
STYLE.

She is so fond of style.
1t delights her to tell
That her boy has the humps.
Because humps are so swell.
Exchange.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-03-28

<"C, @ttpCc| IO.,
Mch., writes II not
lnfrequently have an at
tack of the headache.
It usually comes OH in
the forenoon. At nv
dinner I eat my regular
meal, and take one or
two of Doctor Pierce's
Pleasant Pellets i1n1ne-
diately after, and i'll the
course of an hour NV
headache is cured and
no bad effects. I feel
better every way for
having taken them
not worse, as is usual
after taking other kinds
of pills. Pleasant Pei
let's are worth more
than their weight in
gold, if for nothing else
than to cure headache"
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31

MIR. Ira P .Wetmore, a promi-
nent real estate agent Of San An
gelo, Texas, has used Chamber
lain's Collie, Cholera and Dirr9a
Remedy in his family for several
years as occasion required, and al
ways with perfect success. He
says: 81 find it a perfect cure for
our baby when troubled with collie
or dysentery. l now feel that my
outfit is not complete without a
bottle OF this Remedy at home or
on a trip away from home. For
sale by F. Kalteyer & Son, Chas.
Campbell and J. Clavin, druggists,
San Antonio, Texas. diff.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
HOW'S THIS 1,

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward ioI
any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by
Halls Catarrh Cure.
f. J. CHENEY n Co., Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned. have known F. !.
Cheney for the last 10 years, and beliefe him
perfectly honorable in all business transac'
tions and financially able to carry out any
obligations made by their firm.
WEST & TRUAX,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
wALDING, KINNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
Halls Catsrrh Cure is taken internally, act
ing directly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system. Price, 75c. per bottle
Sold by all Druggists. TESTING mails free.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
Light Artillery Ball.

The second anniversary ball Of
Houston Light Artillery will take
place at Turner hall, in Houston
Texas, February 10Th. The invita-
ton committee is composed o.
Lieut.. f. J. Thavonat, Lieut.. r. r
Rolf, Sergt. r. f. Craig, Sergt. r
Cannon, Corporal Paul Saulter
Private F. A. Clay.
The LIGHT acknowledges cor
dial invitation to attend.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
ALL FREE.

Those who have used DIR. Kings New
Discovery know its value, and those who
have not, have now the opportunity
to try it Free. Call on the advertised
Druggist and get a Trial Bottle Free.
Send your name and address to II. E.
BucklenSS Co., Chicago, and get a sample
box of DR.. Kings New Life Pills Free, as
we'll as copy Of Guide TO Heal and
Household Instructor, Free. All OF which
is guaranteed to do you good and cost you
nothing. Kalteyer & Sons drug store.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
FOR OVER FIFTY YEARS

Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup has
been used for children teething
1t soothes the child and softens the
gums, allays all pain, cures wind
collie, and is the best remedy for
wind diarrhea. Twenty-Five cents
a bottle. IL 20 1y d&w
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
Out Changing Cars.

On Nov. 25th the Sunset and Ea-
gle Pass routes inaugurated q
through Buffet Sleeping Car service
between San Antonio and Mexico
City with thorough Spanish speak
ing conductors, without any change
en- route whatever. This is the only
through car and standard guage
route to Mexico. Ticket offices No.
3O1 Alamo plaza andISunset depot.
IL 20 If
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
DOING BUSINESS

At the old stand 102 E. Commerce
street; wholesale "to the trade
proper" and family liquor dealers.
We cater for the best Of trade and
keep the goods to prove our claims.
l22 If MAYER & ADLER.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
HALF PRICE.

$450lwill buy brand new pony
cylinder press, size 19x2l; speed
$500 per hour. Cost price 1898. A
splendid investment for a job Office,
doing blank work, book work or
circulars. Address "T. B. j." LIGHT
office. III 2Otf
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
Piles Can Be Cured.

Comet Pile Remedy is guaran-
teed to cure Piles. Gives imme-
diate relief. Made by proprietors
Of Stephens Eye Salve and Water
Sold by James Clavin, druggist, IA
West Commerce street, corner Ma.
varro, San Antonio, Texas.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
Favorable to olney's Bill.

WASHINGTON, Jan. 3l.-The
House Labor committee has agreed
to report favorably the labor arbi-
tration bill preferred by Attorney
General OlneY.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31
Supreme Court Justice Retires

WASHINGTON, Jan. Ex-senator
Harris has introduced a bill per-
mitting Associate Justice Jackson,
of the Supreme court Of the United
States, to retire.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1895-01-31

TABLE CLARET SO AND 80 CTS.
White wine 75e and $1OO, imported
claret and white wine $l.25 gal
lon; also whiskies; free delivery.
P. Magadieu, 1877 South Flores st.
Telephone 3SS, Black Elephant Sa-
DON 9 I'm
The Red Cloud chief., 1895-05-03
Banis he'd From Rome.

Paul L.acroiX, n French writer and
bibliophilc. was ~ one time seriously
out of health, and took refuge in Italy.
lie had taken lodgings in Rome, whom,
one day, the proprietor of the house
mounted the stairs, raped at the
door. and came in. LacroiX was just
then in II coughing pa"oNysm. Sig
nor began the householder, ''who is
responsible for you?n What do you
mcan?n asked the astonishcd French
man. III you should die, who would
pay the cXpcnscs?' II hope not to
die yet awhile" replied Lacroix; ''bc-
sides, ! am not ambitious. A modest
burial would suit me-" .'liut who
will pay me?"" Why man. | pray you
myself every week. mo, q. | am
speaking of this bed, this armchair,
this table, this carpet-cverything in
the chamber. Everything will have
to be burned after the death Of u con
sumptivc.n My dear sir said La
croiX, al am not rich enough to die in
Rome, | will go to Naples" The
next day, indeed. he set out for
Southern Italy. But he lived for
many years to tell the story Of his
Punishment from the holy city.