Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-05-26
A NAMES INFLUENCE
uOW Desired Information About a Train
Mas Quickly Gotten.
Asrsnp coNpucron no rRAYnn.
rhe Frightened Porter Turned the
Joke on CaptnIn BirdsoDg-Iiad
the weather ChangeG--A Rooster
for a votc-Forgot Her Name.

IN my own. That's honest, and you neea
not laugh and say 1 am fishing Tor
am not. This fact was demonstrated very
forcibly a few days ago, when ! 'phoned
90 railway depot TO ascertain II
certain train was On time. BIN Cos
,etteo didn't have the slightest effect
On the suave phonlst at the oth,r end
OF the line. ! waited moment and called
again. and when the sweet-yo.eed clerk
answered I said in a big. round sono-
rous voice: This Is Governor O'Ferrah;
please tell me Il your o'clock train is
On time" Eyes. sir. Governor" came the
uuick response. Eyes. sir. the train IS
On time. Governor; yes. sir, its on time
And the accommodating fellow would
possibly have been telling me until this
moment that the train was on uine'
out l had the information, ana vert
about my business.
Captain Birdsong. the jolly conauetef
OF the Richmond. Fredericksburg ana
Potomac Railroad Company, who had the
experience at Acquia creek with MOT
garfield and Searcey. and VINO made nm
self famous by yelling. MY ticket-puhch
for a Remington rife" is as fuH OF
humorous "reminiscences as a comic al
manac is OF "chestnuts." and he don't
mind telling a joke on himself, or on any
ON else. for that matter The ticket
eatherer called 10 see Morganheid rev
days ago, but the latter sent MS resiels'
saving he was not renewing any OF Ms
od Friendships The Captain toid M
very good thing g. few days ago. ne mas
IA Caroline negro in bis crew, that, ihe
most OF his race IS rather superstluous'
several weeks ago the conductor was ruil-
ming his usual trip TO Quahuco. VIZ Hen
about half way he noticed that the moon
,vas in eclipse. and called the porter
attention 10 the fact The negro iooheu
Win fear and trembling, and every OBJ
portunitv that offered he TOOK pep al
tna ,,artiaIly-Obscured heavenly Dooy'
NVhcn the train arrived at Quantico'
little place In Prince William county
VIII re the Pennsylvania raliToao anu w
Richmond, Fredericksburg ana foIo'ilao
cooe together. and train-crews are
changed. fair Luna had hid her race, anu
maj negro wanted TO do the same thlhg,
mo other members OF the crew were put
",nto'' the Joke, and realizing the con-
d,tion the poor darky was In, began
sailing about the fearful danger or moon
ecitpses In a few moments the hehlO
VCas frantic with fear. and, calling Cap
tain Bifdsong aside, he said:
cap, does you long to chureh'
yes" ,, n
cap. for de Lords sake. is you
Christian ..-,.. .o,,,,oa tbo
"Wen II you IS. for Gods sake pray
Cos. me can for de world is surely comm
Csptain Birdsong says this knocked him
ont worse than when Morgdnheld toiu
him TO hold up his hands. lie uoeSn :
carry his p~ayer-book with him. anu 10
h. called on so UNEXPECTEDLY completely
unnerved him. The joke was tnen On
he Captain, who was not allowed 70
sleen n wink during the night as every
body in the crowd wanted him TO pray LOT
them.
some people evidently think have tele-
phone communication with the leioW
that controls the weather rms Is hot
so. and I beg leave TO add that l am iuily
aware OF the fact that II has peeh
dieaRreeable. and that it has rained more
than ever saw before. except during the
time when Old Man Noah saved so many
things by erecting big boat ! am also
coenizant Of the fact that the past lew
weeks have nat been made up or Gays
I'm which spring poets could reNeh OF
Broad-street merchants sen nusiihs'
lawns. and Organdies, but, as sala De,
fore. / have nothing TO DO Win IL ana
don't eypect 10 have. II l was clerk IN
Ola Man Harrington's Office. ] would have
MIR the cork In the sprinhins spout
long ago. and also have turned on the
summer radiator and opened up every
heating register In the entire establish
ment / have felt mighty sorry ior our
clothiers with their stacks or straw h1lS
and lawn tennis suits. ana Mt. BIadley
with his beautiful West-End Base-Bah
park but the coal dealers appear as
smiling as florists before Easter. and
my last winters clothes are stil feeling
entirely comfortable, that Is, l feel com
Portable IN them. This Is very consolhs'
too, for / have no others.
NV gentle readers, / have no Idea when
Won can show up in your Easter frock
again or how soon you VIII have chauce
20 read lce-cream signs TO your beauN
as YOU amble up Broad street Candidly,
j believe something has gone wrong IN
the weather department but as the IN
come-tax matter has been Strengthened
out IL Is possible that everything else
will work around alright in the near
future. and We will really have some sum-
mer before another winter comes.
The proof Of this paragraph was SUP
United TO the authorities at Washington
ana in less time than 1t took to write the
item the rain had stopped ana the sun
was shining. Therefore, i suppose VIII
have to blush. and take the Sreat hohoi
conferred upon me.
l tell you, / feel mighty good, now tha'
the income-taX matter has been sSllleu
The thing has been lump IN my cIaM
for long time. and frequently c0ulon
Sleep for weeks for thinking OF II. II
fact. / might very truthfully say that It
made me feel as uncomfortable as whei
am called upon for a speech al n ban
Duet OF course 1 always tried 10 as
sumo a virtue that i didn't possess, an'
pretend as though 1t 1Gade no dliler
ence 70 me. but this was only 10 biul OF
collectors. and keep from increasing my
subscription in church. The chap ina
works for a dollar a day ought not e
mind paying taxes; but the IDEA OF taNlnl
a mans income simply because he ha'
sense enough 10 make $1,000 or more
year is simply preposterous. Ny irieuds-
Billy Vanderbilt George Gould Wilh
AstOr. and a Few others-agrce with M
perfectly on this important question. How
ON earth can we AFFORD brownston
fronts. and horses and carriages. hire
men and women. swell teas, seaside an.
mountain visits ia summer. and trips &
Florida In winter and such other httl
necessities, A we are to be weighted dow
and burdened with income-taXes. H.
George a fellow would be better or !
ne stopped work and gave away u
little he had. Wen. I'm mighty glad IT.
all over now. and / thing III just bu
myself marked-down suit Of clothes
Some right amusing things happen occa
sionally In politics. and though they ar
not always hts for publication. l woul
Ike 20 relate funny story told me
few days ago. ~ seems that there was
pretty lively contest going on beiwec
.Wo candidates Tor an Office in a city no
thousand miles away from here IL
true that there was no pecuniary emolu
ment attached 70 Tho position. but hi
old not in any way lessen the ardor q
The ofnco-sCekers. and the struggle wen
on with unabated interest, 10 the grea
delight OF a few bleeders. Now il so hap
peRcd that one morning a lady called a
the corner grocery 70 make her DAN
purchases. and she noticed a prett
speekied rooster 90 "a coop. She remarke
20 the dispenser OF groceries and mic
fresh vegetables that she would like I
swap rooster she had at home for IN
one he has. "'feli you what III do" n
pied the slorokeeper. Get your old ma
~ "a ff..a f,sa