Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-07-15
JUST FOR FUN.

cries.
Jones-Come, go fishing with me,
old chap. Brown Can't do it; just
signed the pledge.
''Whin / walk" said an Irishman,
who objected to the bicycle, II prefer
to have my feet on the ground"
CHOW many bells are in this chime?"
asked the curious traveller. 'sEight,
all tolled," said the sexton.
He-Why does Miss Middleage per-
sist in singing, "My Sweetheart's the
Man in the Moon?'' She-Because he
can't come down and deny it.
"Ah," said the old printer, who had
just come down to be a waiter in
cheap restaurant, "this is like old
times. Here I am distributing pip
SIN your profession, especially, I
suppose time is money" ''I do not
find it So" answered the musician. ssI
do not find it at all difficult to keep
time''
Mrs. One-How is your husband to-
day, Mrs. Tother? Mrs. Tother-Bet-
ter, thank you. He is always better
when he is sick than at any other
time.
Wife What do you think of the
new walking dress, Charles? Husband
quite an extensive promenade in the
sleeves alone.
Teacher-Can you tell me, Johnny,
why Satan goes about the earth like
roaring lion? Johnny-'Cause he can't
cut any ice in the place where he lives
when he's to home.
Figg Wonder why it is that these
professional pugilists are such con-
founded takers. Fogg-Perhaps it is
because of a determination on their
part never to be struck speechless.
"My task in life," said the pastor of
one of our churches, complacently,
Consists in saving young men,"
Whereupon one of our fair maidens,
with a soulful longing, replied, "Save
a good one for me.''
Fozzleton-Marie, that boy of ours
takes after you. Mrs. Fozzleton with
great satisfaction What makes you
think so, dear? Fozzleton-I caught
him this morning rummaging through
10y pockets.
Mr.. Finemind-My dear, my scien-
tific works are bringing me in for
tune, and we will soon be rich. Mrs.
Finemind- Too bad. Now we will
have to associate with lot of nobod
les who inherited their wealth.
Do be quiet, Johnny. Don't you
know that there's a visitor in the next
room? said Frances to her little broth
er. How do you know? You haven't
been in. But, said Frances, [ hear
mamma saying ''my DEAR" to papa.
Roddster-I say old fellow, can you
lend us a pair of scales for few days?
Married chum-We have a pair, but,
sorry to say, they are out Of order;
they weigh heavy. Roadster (eXcit-
edly)-The very thing; we're going
fishing.
At country school in England it is
said that one of the examiners in a
general exercise wrote the word s'doz-
en' on the blackboard, and asked the
pupils to each write a sentence con-
tanning the word. He was somewhat
taken aback to find on one of the pa
pers the following sentence: II dozen
know my lesson"
Nobody can deny that postage
stamp collecting is a great help in
teaching boys geography. Jack show
ed this at school when his teacher
asked him where Nicaragua was, and
what it produced chiefly. ''It's on
page ninety eight" said Jack, "and
it produces more sets of stamps than
any other country Of it's size in the
world.''
In one of the primary Sunday school
classes the lesson of the Good Samar-
itan was being reviewed. The teach
er asked, "What had happened to the
poor man who had been hurt and was
at the side of the road?" Little John
ME, who seldom speaks, raised his
hand The teacher was pleased, and
said, swell, Johnnie, you may tell"
"Please, Miss A. he was run over by
'lectric carr
Bucklen'S Arnica SalVe.