The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1895-02-20
HUMOROUS.
A we'll rendered article--Lard.

II Well fenuereu hrtlcle--Luru.
A charity bawl-" "Say, boss, gimme
dime to get something to eat"
Mrs. snifwell-why, Bridget, you
have been eating onions! Bridget
Sure mum, you're a moind reader.
''But what earthly use is it to dis
cover the North Pole2 / can't see."
at will save further expeditions.
'Did you give your daughter away
when she was married?" "Threw her
away, sir. Literally threw her away"
Squildig- How did Van Braam get
such reputation as n lady killer?
McSwilligen--He sleighs the fair sex.
The coal man who is disposed to be
proud and naughty should think
of the ice man in the summer and be
humble.
81 see thut johnson in his lecture
relates fight between Clay and Ran
dolph." "Yes, he calls it scrap of
history" I
Very often man discovers that
there is good deal of the porcupine
about the people he thinks it his duty
to sit upon.
Highbee-There goes n man who
takes things as he finds them. Rob-
bins-A philosopher? Highbee-No,
ragpicker.
Billy-How did you feel when Cholly
softly kissed you? Belle-Oh, down
in the mouth. And the audience got
up and left.
Miss Smilax My! what bouncing
baby that is Baby's brother-So it
oughter be, mum. Its just swallowed
ingyrubber ball.
The shades of night we're falling fast
AS through the ley streets there passed
young man Of the town.
The shades Of night were far outclassed,
They never fell one half so fast
As he; when he fell down.
Sam Coming in hurriedly)-Say,
Tom, can you change So? Tom
Change nothing. I'm SO hard up 1
can't change my shirt.
There is nothing more truly insin-
uating and deferential than the waggle
of little dogs tail in the presence Of
big dog with bone.
This much is to he said in favor of
the tattoeed man: While great
many men have designs upon others,
his are all upon himself.
Crusty Boarder Ito waiter)-What
have you got for breakfast? Hope it
isn't oatmeal and and mackerel.
Waiter-No sir; only oatmeal.
First Girl---Cholly is a nise boy,
only he has so much to say. Second
Girl-No, that's just where his weak
point lies He thinks he has.
Item Gatherer-Was the bride sup
ported by her father? Friend-Great
Scott No. The brides mother has
taken care of the family for years.
"Did you hear anything good at the
concert last night? She-Yes, indeed
/ overheard one lady giving another
capital recipe for angel food cake.
doctor, have you a remedy for q
troublesome cough?" "When does it
annoy you most?" "When the man
has it comes home. He's in the fiat
above.
81 hear your musical recital last
night was great success. Lucky
dog!" "H'mph! Five persons in
the house. Lucky dogP Yes Regu-
lar bench show"
Minister-No, Willie, you will never
get ahead by telling stories. Willie
I won't? Why, I told story about
Johnnie Jones, watts bigger'n me, an
you bet he put head on me. "
"There is no doubt" said Mr.. Do
Ian, "about there bein' wan great ad-
vantage in bein' born in this country?"
can phwat's thot?" inquired Mrs.
Dolan. "It saves yez the proice of
steamship ticket over.
Mr.. Whoopla-Suppose, Dollie, I
were to rob you of kiss, what would
you do?
Miss Poppiniay-How can tell, Mr..
Whoopla, what is going to happen be-
- a. \