Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1895-03-08
PTrH AND POINT.

J
Every mortal with hopeful h,art
is a capitalist. Galveston News.
Ladies' of forty summers and moro
than forty falls are riding bicycles
Judge.
No baggage smasher will ever fool
with an elephants trunk. Florida
Times Union.
No one passes away more quietly
than the fellow who is jumping his
board bill. Hartford Journal.
The man who publishes anonymously
has chance to be tichlcd by the un-
conscious praise of his personal ene-
mies.-Puck.
An enterprising hardware merchant
of Warren, Penn. has wooden
rakes labeled "Real Maud Mullers-
no false teeth. - Hardware.
Oh, bird within tho gilded cage,
With notes of joyous glory,
How very glad you ought TO bs
They aren't promissory.
Judge.
A pretty girl can usually forgive
man for staring at her; but you
wouldn't think SO to hear her tell tho
folks about it when she goes home. =
Atchison Globe.
els your son improving in his cor
net practice?" "a heap. Ho used to
practice all the time, and now he
doesn't put in more than two hours
day. indianapolis Journal.
Boarder Madam, 1 have found a
nickel in my hash" Mrs Menler-
ooh, that's all right. I put it there;
thought I'd give you little change
IN your diet. "-Philadelphia Record.
She carried her new dress AWAY,
But, nh my beart, it grieves,
To tell she had to hire dray
To carry home the sleeves.
Philadelphia Record.
Fingle-"There goes woman with
history" Fangle-"That woman
who just left your office? How do You
know" Fingle-'' She worked for MI
hour trying to sell it to me. Buffalo
Courier.
Friend-''If your washerwomau
charges by the piece it must be rather
expensive" Young Eouseke eper-
"Oh, no. She loses SO many things
that her bills arc never high" New
York. Weekly.
Mr.. Highfli-"W Where is that Book
OF Etiquette and Complete Letter
Writer?'" Mrs. H-"What do Won.
want of it?" Mr.. H-sI want to write
to tho grocer to tell him I can't pay
him. New York Weekly.
Schoolmate "Why do YOU never
touch your piano." Miss Thumper
-"We're buying it on installments. I"
What difference does that make ?'
I'm afraid if paw should hear me
play, he'd stop paying. Good News.
Little Wiilie--"I wanted SO much
to peek through the keyhole last night
while you were in the parlor with Mr..
Castleton." Sister Clara--s'But, like
good little boy, you didn't, did
you? Little Willie-"No; the ser.
want girl got there first. New York
Herald.
Without even the suspicion of
smile on its face the Rochester Demo-
orat declares that sBuHialo is proyerb-
tally jealous of Rochester," AS tho
mosquito said to the elephant as they
walked down the gang plank of the ark
together, "Quit shown. Buffalo
Express.
stranger-"Policeman, how often
do the electric cars pass this corner -
Ioiiceman-"Well, if you are trying
to take nap they go by every two
minutes; but If you want to go some
where you have to wait half an hour. !"
Smith, Gray &c Co.'s Illustrated
Monthly.
A wild fear seized upon her. "Ho
has gone foreverl" she shrieked
She had secretly entertained the ex.
pcctation that the man she had
spurned would come back until she
looked over the hat-rack and found
that he had taken away much better
mbrellathan he brought. "Foreyer p
sne moaned. Philadelphia Call.