Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-01-31
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD EY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughabie Phases
Of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget OF Fun.
SprinkIes of Spice.


for help.-GalveSton News.
A man has a close call when he
leaves an Office and is yelled after to
come back and close the door.-Picay-
une.
Spacer: "NVhat can I say in this
obituary of Lusher, the bartender?"
Liner: Work in something about his
having smile for everybody
Truth.
A photographer whose photographs
are perfectly likenesses will get on in
the world about as fast as newspaper
without waste basket.-New York
Recorder
He: II never smoke q cigarette
without thinking what fool ann
She: II didn't know before that there
was any virtue in cigarettes at ALL
Detroit Free Press.
Miss Read: .'Have you Prometheus
Unbound?" Miss New Clerk: "NOs
we do not deal in any pamphlet liter
Pittsburg Dispatch.
Little Georgy: Papa, why do you
say that the pen is more powerful than
the sword?" Papa: Because you
cannot sign checks with sword."-
Revue Anecdotique.
Dasher: II hear that you were in a
free fight last night" Smasher:
Gree fight! Not on your stay here. 1
paid $40 and costs for it this a. M. -
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Magistrate Ito witness) "Why
didn't you go to the help of the defend
ant in the fightY' Witness-"I didn't
know which one of them was going to
be the defendant" -Philadelphia In
Quirer.
A nosegay rising to majestic height;
A feather with a mastodonic curl;
A wilderness of bows and laces light,
And somewhere meath the fluffy
heap a girl.
Washington Star.
81 was sorry to hear that your hus-
band is SICK" said the caller. "Yes,"
was the reply. ut was really too bad.
He took such a liking to new kind OF
health food that he overate HIMSELF
Washington Star.
81 saw in a society paper that ad-
vanced women have practically BAN
ished punctuation points from their let
ter writing" Perhaps they do not
wish to be known as women Of the
period. ''-Detroit Free Press.
Mr. Scraps reading)-"Then David
rose up and cut off the skirt Of Saurs
robe privily." Mrs. Scrapps-"Well,
what does that signify?" Mr.. Scraps
THAT Mrs. Boomer, at best, was
plagiarist. '-Cleveland Plaindealer.
Jeweler: '"The inscription you wish
engraved on the inside of this ring 1
understand is 'Marcellus to Irene"
Young man with embarrassment:
Yes, that's right. But-er-don't cut
the Irene deep."-Baltimore Tele-
gram.
Little Reggie: II don't b'lieve the
Lord cares a cent for good boys"
Fond Mother: Horrors! What put
that idea into your head?" Little Re-
gle: HE hardly ever makes good boys
strong enough to lick bad boys" -
Good News.
An Irishman recently applied for an
enlistment in United States army re-
cruiting office. "Do you know any
thing about drilling?' asked the officer.
II do" answered Pat. "It's 121a cents
d yard at any of the dry goods stores"
London Globe.
"By Jove, Wilkes. your coluran OF
personal gossip in the last number Of
your paper was the raciest thing
know. Where did you get all the in
formation?" "My wife had the sewing
circle at our house last Saturday, and
concealed q monograph in the ROOM
-Harper's Bazaar.
cit is wonderful what progress has
been made in the way of machinery
remarked MI. Figg. Il see that there
has been machine invented that can
make complete pair Of shoes in six
teen minutes. Why, that is even
faster than Tommy can wear them
out '-Indianapolis Journal.
Head of firm: Young man, I under
stand that you have been winning at
poker lately" Steele Penn: ''Wen,
sir, I hope you will overlook it this
time" Head of firm: Certainly, but
I want you to come around to the,
house tonight. My wife is getting up.
little game."-New York Herald.
Loretta examining her forehead for
wrinkles: "Say, Bess, what do you
think the surest sign of advancing;
wears in a woman?'' Bess: well, Z
should say that when she writes to the
friends of her youth and has to direct.
all her letters to married names lit was.
the surest sign she was getting along"
New York World