Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1895-01-27

He went into the dining car at once,
and so did l little later. When | came
back, he was in my parlor car seat, for
which | had paid SIPS. | thought that
il was only q temporary arrangement,
and so went into the smoking room
rather than disturb him, for he had the
air OF a Cabinet officer, and as the
present Cabiuet is composed OF men who
are not very well known l thought that
very likely be might be Cabinet min
lister, for he had portfolio with him,
and as / could not tell just what IL was,
| thought that possibly it might be a
Cabinet portfolio.
Finally, however, l had smoked up
what cigars 1 had, and so went back to
occupy my seat. As | drew nearer 10
him he dropped off into profound SUM
Der. But | had lost my seat in the
smoking room, so had to awaken him.
He was so dignified and superior when
he denied my right to the seat that l
know | must have coored up to the
roots Of my hair. Meantime Ee re-
sumed his slumber. [ had to appeal
to the porter. He could not settle it,
and the conductor was taking his sup
l.
water cooler and acquire neuralgia of
the spine.
When the conductor came back and
found his diagram, for | had lost my
check, it was discovered, OF course,
that / had paid my rent for that seat,
and so got IT, The dignitied man
got mad and threw things around at a
great rate. He tried to step on my
valise and smash the china mustache
cup which was inside and which | had
bought as present for Kate Cain, the
Chicago lawyer.
He finally flung himself into his own
chair and flung his overcoat up into the
rack with q bang. Just then the train
stopped, and his mutterings were all
that could be heard. He was threaten
ing to report somebody, and seemed to
regard me as a fiend in human form.
People turned around to see who be
was, for he had the air OF a man who
adjusted the affairs OF nations and
made I'D the time tables for the planets.
By and by he began TO abuse the man
agement OF the road and ask why we
had stopped there In the middle OF a
truck farm. Whoever was responsible
for the delay ought to be thrown of the
train. He said this TWO of three times,
and had Just paused to take breath
when the porter came along and discov-
cred that the dignifed man was alone
responsible, and therefore ought to be
thrown of.
The signal bell cord rims along just
adjoining the package rack in these
cars. and the dignified man In slamming
his oyercoat into this rack had thrown
il on the slack OF the bell cord and
stoned the train. AT that moment be
became the most unpopular man out
side of political life. People glared at
him from every direction and comment
ed on him in . way that drove him be-
hind his paper, and before he got TO
Washington he had read the adyertis-
ing supplement OF Sunday paper four
times.
I felt as fully revenged as Artemus
Ward. He said he had an impiacaole
and remorseless enemy who started out
bv being envious and finally wound up
Nv being vicious and revengefui, never
allowing an opportunity for mean re-
mark about Ward TO escape. For
wears" said Artemus, Il lay awake
nights trying to arrange some scheme
for revenge, and | sought to plan way
nv which could do away with him In
CHASTITY and sickening manner. II TOOK
away my appetite and my interest In
life. But at last a wise Providence TOOK
the matter in hand and arranged IL Tar
halter than | could have done. HIS
grandmother died suddenly and lett him
a farm In Maine"
@G&A Xxx