The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1895-08-08
HAPPY 1NSWEKS.
Some Old witticisms which are Worth
Preserving.

some Ola Witticisms Which are Worth
Preserving.
Mr.. Samuel Weller's memorable evil
dence on certain breach of promise
trial is probably a record" for the
greatest number of happy answers in
the shortest time; but there are anthem
ticated instances of actual utterances
which certainly rival them in brilliance,
says the London Standard. The law
courts, as may be imagined, furnish
their full quota, but many are, perforce,
unappreciated by those unacquainted
with the technicalities or the argot OF
the forum. Still, Lambs chatting de-
scription of friends maiden brief as
the First Great Cause least under
stood,' is comprehensive enough, as is
the quiet, acquiescent, THAT is so, my
lord Of the barrister to whom an irate
judge had just observed, II can't give
you brains, Mr.. So-and-so." II myself
have two small manors my lord" said
a very ill-bred pompous counsel, to IL
1ustrate a question of property law
I'VE all know that, Mr. Kewsey," OBJ
served the judge with suave courtesy,
anu ID Slililt VI ucllSHt IrA IouiFu Int dS-
sembled bar Look a me, sir, and at
tend to what I shall ask YOU" thun-
dered a learned counsel whose unfortu-
nate "homeliness" of feature had
gained him the sobriquet of the Yelled
Prophet" This is an English court"
rejoned the witness quietly, "and you
have no right to impose torture before
putting the question"
Prisoners too, have a fair proportion
of happy answers" credited to them
OF these perhaps the best known are
that Of the man who when asked If he
pleaded guilty or not guilty" replied
that he couldn't say till he had heard
the evidence; and the naive response of
the prisoner to the usual question be-
fore sentence, "Have you anything to
say, prisoner, before sentence is pro-
nounced upon you?" Its very kind of
your honor, and If it's quite agreeable
to the court, | should like to say Good
evening" On one occasion counsel in a
certain drainage case submitted that
the plaintiffs the Sewage Localization
company, had mo locus standi in this
court" Heaven forbidt' was the fer
vent ejaculation of the learned Judge.
Something akin to this was the answer
of the judge when complaint was made
that luckless process-server had been
compelled to swallow the writ he had
endeavored to serve. Il hope" said his
lordship gravely, that the writ was
not made returnable in this court"
| The happy answers" owing their
| point to Biblical or ecclesiastical allu-
sions are still more numerous, but In
| many cases are somewhat too audacious
| for print. "He is a regular st. Paul"
| was the final euloey made by an enthu-
siastic friend of a certain needy clergy
man whose chronic impecuniosity had
| brought him into painfully frequent fa-
| niliarity with the various processes of
the law for the recovery Of debts.
| Yes said the bishop, whose assist
ance was being solicited; quite SO. /
see-in prisons oft'p' The pardonable,
| but injudicious. enthusiasm of some
| clergymen over their musical services
has given rise to many smart sayings,
! which are, at amy rate, ben trovato.
| None, perhaps, is better than the famil-
| lar one of the exasperated visitor, who,
| after being made to listen in torment to
| Gregorian chants cruelty murdered,
| was told that according to tradition,
| those chants owed their origin to King
| David himself. The visitor, rendered
reckless by his misery, retorted that he
had often wondered why Saul threw
that javelin at the royal Psalmist, but
| he quite understood now. Another cler-
| gyman, whose musical ambition was
not tempered by prudence, took advan-
| tage of the presence of his bishop to
put his village choir through an elabo-
rate performance of vocal gymnastics,
| for which they were totally unfit.
well, my lord" he inquired eagerly,
after the service. what did you think
of the singing?' my dear sir" was
the episcopal reply, II have never till
now appreciated the wisdom of the ru-
brio which distinguishes between 'choirs
and places where they sing. Scarce
ly less severe was the bishops contribu-
ton to the chorus of ill-judged praise
over the performances of a choir which
to his critical ear, had not mastered the
rudiments of time. $50 sweet" said
one; $50 devotional" purred another
so hearty and Scriptural," lisped a
third. Very" agreed the bishop
blandly; indeed. it forcibly reminded
me of the psalm where it says. The