davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-06-22
Tried to Bride Bonaparte.

Attempted bribery and counter
bribery, at any rate, there were; fo1
the conqueror himself was offered by
the emperor a principality in the en-
pire with not less than quarter of 6
million subjects, and an independent
income Had Francis known the
projects of his opponent he would have
reviled himself as an artless simpleton
Century,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-06-22
Under Restraint.

Mrs. Ouickleigh-The first man who
ever proposed to, me said that if
would not marry him he would blow
his brains out.
Miss Wonder-Good gracious! Ht
must have been crazy. Why didn'
you have him put under restraint?
ST did. married him. - Tit-Bits.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-06-22
The Spreading Movement.

Mr.. Shanghai-Am I to understand
my dear, that you do not intend to Sc
this year?
Mrs. Shanghai-Thati is it. exactly
If you want any setting done around
here you can do it yourself. have
Joined the Hens Advanced club, anC
we firmly determined to let the male!
take their share of domestic cares
Puck.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-06-22
a Good Excuse.

sHow can you ill-use your dog il
that fashion? l thought You were 8
member of the society for the protec
ton of animals!''
$50 am, but haven't paid my sub
scription for the las three months p
Lustige Batter.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-06-22
Inference.

Mother" said little Tommy, twas
Samson football player"
mo, dear What made you think he
wasp
s''Cause he wasn't any good after ht
got his hair cut. Judge.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-06-22
PhrsicallY InnpossifIe.

Eva Ito Ella just engaged)-I sup
pose, of course, that Jack got on his
knee to propose2
Ella-No. he couldn't
ssAnd why couldn't he pray?'
Because was on it-a-Texas Sift
ings.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-06-22
A REWARD OF CHARITY.
By RICHARD BARKER SHELTON.
REGINALD

r. REGINALD
WINTERS was
such a combina-
ton of careless
n e S s and alb
S e n tim i n ded-
ness that it was
really a wonder
he did not some
time forget to
exist If there
was a wrong
way of doing
anything he in
variably adopt
ed that method
for its accom-
plishment. He
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1895-06-22
The Je@eler Would Remind Him.

She-You mustn't forget that we
are engaged.
He-There's no danger. / haven'V
paid for the ring yet.-Life.
The Press., 1895-09-26


 A HOUSEHOLD TREAsURE.-D. w. Full. CT, of Canaioharie, N. Y., says that he always keeps Dr: Kings New Discovery in the house, and his family has always found the very best results follow its use that he would not be without it, if pro. curable. c. A. Dykeman, Druggist, Cats. kill, N. Y., says that Dr. Kings New Discovery is undoubtedly the best Cough remedy; that he has used it in his family for eight years, and it has never failed tc do all that is claimed for it. Why not try a remedy so long tried and tested Trial bottles free at k. K. Taft's Drug Store. Regular size soc. and $1. .,. 8 M He-I wonder what she meant by tell. ing me she could never marry 8 man2
 She--Perhaps she said it to encourage you. ->.-ta:
The Press., 1895-09-26

Children, especially infants, are soon run, down with Cholera Infantum or ''Sum- meF Complaint" Don'tJwait to deter mine, but give DeWitt's Collie and Chol- era Cure promptly you can rely On it.
 Use no other. ". D. Heald, Stafford Springs; c. L. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1895-09-26

Easy to take, sure to cure, no pain, nothing to dread, pleasant little, pills. DeWitt's Little Early RisersS2 Best for Sick Headache, Biliousness, Sour Stom- ach and constipation. ID. Heald, Staf- ford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Gov entry. |
The Press., 1895-09-26

Citicus-I wonder how it is that so few women stntter when they talk, Witticus They haven't time. ".
The Press., 1895-09-26

DID You EVER try Electric Bitters as 8 remedy for your troubles? If not, get 8 bottle now and get relief. This medicine has been found to be peculiarly adadpte to the relief and cure of all Female Com plaints, exerting wonderful direct influ- ence in giving strength and tone to the organs. If you have Loss of Appetite, Constipation, Headache, Painting Spells, or are Nervous, SleePless, Excitabie, Melancholy or troubled with Dizzy Spells, Electric Bitters is the medicine you need. Health and Strength are guaranteed by it's use. Large bottles only fifty cents at E. K. Taft's Drug Store.
The Press., 1895-09-26
THE PHONOGRAPH TOLD THE
 TROUBLE.

To those people who look upon the photograph as a scientific toy this story will be of interest, and it will be none the less so to those who know of the prac- tical purposes to which this remark able instrument can be put. It appears that the Knowles pump works put up one of their large pumps for the Kicks Water Company at the Elk River pumping sta tion in California. The pump was in con- stant use for some years, and the makers heard no complaint until a few weeks ago, when they received 8 novel com munication from H. l.. Kicks, the man. age1 of the pumping station.
 There was no doubt in the minds oi those at the station who were best ac- quainted with the mechanism that some thing was wrong with the pump, but they were unable to fix on the defect and as the dismemberment of the pump would involve much loss of time, and as 8 visit by an expert from the east would mean considerable expense the phOnograph was resOrted to. The man. ager spoke into the receiver, describing the symptoms of the ailing pump, and further to indicate the case, he placed the receiver so that the pulsations of the pump would be recorded on the roll.
 Just as physician listens to the action of the heart or lungs in the human body by means of a stethoscope, so the pump doctor listened by means of phOnograph to the throbs and pulsations of the pump thousands of miles away, and was enabled by that means to diagnose the disease.
 A Tribune reporter listened to the strange communications at the New Y OrR office of the Knowles company. The voice of the Californian is heard first giv ing in clear, precise and distinct way the symptoms of the pump, and then h. asks the listener to pay attention to thu pumps action. Then one hears the b. t-r-r-bang! b-r-r-r-bang of thu pump, and an occasional wheezing sound which might be made by escaping steam
 , The engineer to whom the phonograpl was submitted said that the whole recort was so perfect and the speaking so plail that he felt tempted sometimes to inter rupt and ask additional questiops. ,.
 The experiment. proved absolutely su, cessful, and by means of the roll the dis ease was diagnosed. peT re1uedl! was suggested, and the pump is running once more ''good as new"
 "For years, ,'' says Capt. c. Mueller, '' have relied more upon Ayer's Pills thai anything else in the medicine chest, t. regulate my bowels, and those of tn ships crew. These pills are not sever in their action, but do their work thor oughly."
 In this busy land man is always liabl to be aroused from his slumbers, but i Ireland they never wake person unti he is dead Cholera Morbus is a dangerous com plaint, and often is fatal in it's results. T avoid this you should use DeWitt's Coli and Cholera Cure, as soon as the frs symptoms appear. w. D. Heald, Stat ford Springs; G. L. Phillips, South Gov oDfrU
The Press., 1895-09-26

If we cannot find success within our selves, life is not with living, and we would be an expense to our friends in dy- ing.
The Press., 1895-09-26
Highest of all in Leavenng PowerLatest U S. Govt Report R9!a!!zL!lBB 9!!!z!l BskasSE Ba{iF.|S|
Highest of all in Leavening Power.ALates
ABSOLUTELY PURE

"Now, MT. Fisk" began the lawyer who conducted the cross-examination, lis it not fact that you harbor female who goes by the name of. Mrs. Fisk ?" "Yes, sir" "Do you not support her?" "I do, sir" "Is she your legal wife ?'' No, sir'-iurors scowled. "You will admit that, although you have never been mar ried to her, she lives with you?" Yes, sir" "That is all. You may step down." The legal light looked victorlously at the jury. ''One moment, MT, Fisk" said the opposing lawyer, "what relation exists between you and the lady referred to ?'' ''She is my grandmother.
The Press., 1895-09-26

Mrs. s. A. Kell, of Pomona, Cal, had the bad luck to spraln her ankle. "l tried several liniments,"' she says, "but was not cured untilI used ,Chamberlain's Pain Balm. That remedy cured me, and take pleasure in recommending it and testifying to it's efficacy" This medi
 cine is also of great value for rSeumatism
 lame back, pains in the chest, pIeurisy and all deep-seated and muscular pains
 For sale by w. w. Lathrop, Stafford Springs; q. l.. Phillips, South Coventry
The Press., 1895-09-26

Mir. Newloye Casting pie)-My dear, this is what call capital.
 Ms. New1ove Well, it's what call labor.
The Press., 1895-09-26

BUCKLEN's ARNIOA SALVE.-The best salve in the world for cuts, bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever sores, letter, chapped hands, chilblains, corns, and all skin eruptiOns, and positively cures piles, or no pay required. Guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction or money refunded. Price 25c. per box. Sold by k. K. Taft
 A MEXICAN FRONTIER BALL.-Dr. De- witt of the army, used to tell innumera- ble stories of his experiences, and most of them related to a time when he was sta- tioned at post down on the Mexican from tier. He was popular down there, and de- servedly so, for he attended the sick for miles around. One time his MexicaG friends determined to do him honor. Ac- cordingly they arranged great ball. Dr. and Mrs. Dewitt were invited, and they went, the two of them. The ball began early, as Mexican balls do, and the sur geon and his wife danced in the first set. They danced in nearly every set, in fact, for politeness forbade refusal, and after a few hours of it they began to be very tired. They were the guests of honor, | luu60u lLlS WOIt Oll ttllu oGlll llS went on. It went on all night. Finally Dr. Dewitt called one of tho men aside and asked him wh, in he lven' name the thing was going to be over.
 "Oh, senor," said the Mexican, i've have been waiting thesc many hours for you to give the signal for the last dance." T COUGH? No matter; the great question is, How shall get rid of it? Use THE PINEoLA BALsAM, a soothing combination of the remedies nature has put in the pine and other balsamic trees. 1t cures the | inflammation and tickling in the throat, and if taken in timo will prevent the spread of the disease to the lungs. Ely's Pineola Balsam is strongly recommended in cases of asthma. Twenty-Five cents is the price. Tell the neighbors aboutit. 9
 John-Tm beginning to lose confidence in my friends.
 Mary-WhyP
 J6hn-There isn't one of them that will lend me $5.
 MT. A. A. Snyder, Supt. Poor Farm, Winnesheik Co.,, Ia., says: Last winter MT. Ropert Leach used two boxes of De- Witt's Witch Hazel Salve and cured a large running sore on his leg. Had been under care of physician for months with out obtaining relief. Sure cure for piles. w. D. Heald, Stafford Springs; G.L.Phil- lips, South Coventry.
 lT The blarney- stone, said to be in Ire land, which we read so much about, is believed by some to be a sham rock.
 Stomach and Bowel Complaints are best relieved by the timely use of DeWitt's Collie and Cholera Cure. Insist on hav- ing this preparation. Don't take any oth. CT. WsD. Heald, Stafford Springs; c. L.. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1895-09-26

Go forth at eventide, Commune with thine own bosom, and be l still;
 Check the4Wild impnlse of Wayward will, And learn the 'nothingness of human
 pride. Morn is the time to act, noon to endure, But oh, if thou wouldst keep thy spirit
 pure,
 Turn from the beaten path, by .woGldlings 5f trod, ,:4 | { k. &yss:F t'> t'FF::<;. ;.;s1> 't Go, forth at eventide, in heart to walk with God. .,7-4Mrs. Ega6aIqy.
The Press., 1895-09-26

Cholera Morbus is a dangerous con- plaint, and often is fatal in it's results. To avoid this you should use DeWitt's Colic and Cholera Cure, as soon as the first symptoms appear. w. D. Heald, Staf- ford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Gov entrY
The Press., 1895-09-26

BUOKLEN's ARNIOA SALvE.-The best salve in the world for cuts, bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever sores, letter, chapped hands, chilblains, corns, and all skin eruptions, and positively cures piles, or no pay required. Guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction or money refunded. Price 25c. per box. Sold by k. K. Taft.
The Press., 1895-09-26

Stomach and Bowel Complaints are best relieved by the timely use of DeWitt's Colic and Cholera Cure. Insist on hav- ing this preparation. Don't take any oth. or. WsD. Heald, Stafford Springs; c. L. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1895-09-26

John-Pm beginning to lose confidence in my friends.
 Mary-Why?
 John-There isn't one of them that will lend me $5.
The Press., 1895-09-26

In this busy land a man is always liable to be aroused from his slumbers, but in Ireland they never wake person until he is dead.
The Press., 1895-09-26
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.

DR. C. HI. DAVID, Physician and
 D Surgeon. Office hours, to and7to p. m Ofhce and residence East-Main-St.
The Press., 1895-09-26

r The blarney stone, said to be in Ire land, which we read so much about, is believed by some to be sham rock.
The Press., 1895-09-26

"For years, 7 says Capt. c, Mueller, ''I have relied more upon Ayers Pills than anything else in the medicine chest, to regulate my bowels, and those of the ships crew. These pills are not severe in their action, but do their work thor Oughly."
The Press., 1895-09-26
ROOFING MATERIALS.

Lumber, MouldiMgs, Brick.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1895-04-18
ApPRoAcHING COMPLETION.

The Keely motor, which has occa-
 sionally been about to mote for the last
 quarter of century or so, is once
 more approaching completion" And
 this time 1t will really be finished, if nothing happens, Mr. Keely himself
 impressively says that ''vibration is a
 force and not a result" and that so far
 as proving to the world the integrity of
 his vibratory system is concerned ho is about through with his work. He adds: My provisional engine (from which the coming 3OO-horse-power engine is mod eledD was a perfect one in every respect, and the big one will be more mechan- ical structure, and will combine within itself all of my system. know scientists and all others will be pleased with its running, it's power. etc, and all done with a costless force.
 If MT. Keely does this time half of what he has promised many times there is no doubt that scientists and all  others will be pleased. We give his explanation of his discovery, so that those of our readers who can under stand it may understand it. He says: Vibration is a difficult thing to define, If we speak of it theoretically. The scientific men of the world cannot fully explain it. Vibrations may be increased by sound. As regards atomic vibration, if I were to assert that I could make a machine which. by a certain process, could create a disturbance of equilib- rum so as to produce a pressure of fifty tons to the square inch, persons would be dumbfounded Yet such is the case with the machine now in my laboratory. The process involved in etheric liberation is the same as is fa- miIiarly witnessed in the liberation of gases from water, water being known as the highest specific gravity. The of the ether in my machine furnishes simply the medium, and that is used as introductory of the disturb ance of the equilibrium which gives the initiatory impulse.
 Vibration and etheric liberation are good words. Here's hoping that Keely and the rest of us may live long enough to see his tantalizing motor mote.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1895-04-18
MOURNFUE.

| Man was made to mourn, but he has | fixed things so that his wife has taken the job off his hands.-Texas Siftings. spencer-They say that Dick strylzit married a cold million. Ferguson-Yes; ; his wife was a Boston heiress.-Puck. Bryce-Algernon F'ltz Sappy is one of those fellows who has more money than brains, isn't he? Knowso-Yes; and he
 is poor, too.-Life's Calendar. Crusty-Women are beginning to get their rights. Musty-So? Crusty- Yes; one of them was lynched in Neb-
 raska yesterday.-P Inquir- CT.
 On His Guard.-She-Are you unmar- ried? He-Yes. She-So am I. That constitutes quite a bond between us
 doesn't it? He-Well, not if I can help it.-New York Herald
 'Bless him." she unused; there's none of the new man nonsense about him." With a tender smile she watched her husband as he sang the children to sleep.-Detroit Tribune.
 Miss Skylie appears to have lost her attracuveness for the gentlemen" said OllG Slll' Ol, uo, lepllGd llle Oluei "she didn't lose it. Her father lost it in Wall street. Washington Star.
 Heardso-They say every hearty laugh adds a day to one's life Saidso That depends; I had at least a week kicked out of me for laughing at man who fell in the mud.--Pearson's Week. ly.
 "Yes,'' said MT. Shiftless, q find it hard to live. I hung up my oveTcoat last week, and to-day my vest must follow dt." "Well, well!'' exclaimed his friend. "Yes, it's fact. tell you it's pretty rough whenI fellow must divest himself of his apparel piecemea1-in short, make Ii Hung Chang of him. self-to get enough to eat,-New York Press.
 The Only Soul.-"Fwin Oi kem over, in '6S," said Mir Grogan, "Oi was the only soul on board the ship
 "Aw, what are you givin' us?" asked young Finnegan.
 "It is the trooth Oi am givin' yez. The rist av thim was all Orangemin and Dutch"
 It was with great satisfaction that MT. Grogan downed his schooner as he listened to the rattle of Mr. Finnegan'5 dime falling into the till.-Indianapolis Journal.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1895-04-18

speak, when the count continued im-
 patiently q told you that had noth-
 ing for you, so it's of no use you're con tinuing to annoy me. Why don't you
 get some work? Such lazy vagabonds as you make the street quite disaSreea- | ble."
 The celebrated chief justice, Lord
 Camden, once had an amusing adven- ! ture while staying with Lord Dacre at ] his country seat at Alvely, in Essex. Lord Dacre was an extremely absent minded man, and the pair were walking | out together when they came to the
 village stocks. Thinking that he would | like to try what the punishment was | like, Lord Camden asked his companion | to open them and put him in. Lord
 Dacre did so, and having fastened the chief Justice in took book from his
 pocket and sauntered on, forgetting all | about his friend. When Lord Camden | was tired, he tried. but tried in vain, to get out of his uncomfortable posi-
 tion A countryman chanced to pass
 by, and the imprisoned man appealed
 to him, but only got for reply, No no, old gentleman, you was not set in there for nothing." and passed on, leaving Lord Camden in the stocks until he was finally released by some servants sent from the house in quest of him. Some time after he presided at a trial in
 which magistrate was sued for false
 imprisonment and setting in the stocks.
 The magistrates counsel made light of the whole charge, especially of the set ting in the stocks, which he said every
 body knew was no punishment at all. The chief justice rose, 2nd leaning over said, Brother, have you ever been in the stocks?" Really, my lord, never" "Then, have" said the judge "and I can assure you it is not the trifle which you represent it to be-"
 As a last example of absence of mind combined with greatness, we will men tion the late Dean Stanley. One day he was preaching to a large congregation which he noticed was titterfng at some thing or other all the time that he was in the pulpit, After the service was ov- CT he asked his wife, 'The congregation seemed to be highly amused about something to-day. Do you know what 1t was?" Mot for certain" was the reply, "but I suppose 1t was because your gloves were lying on the top of your head all the while, and 1t did look a trife odd" Dean Stanley had put his gloves into his hat and put the hat on. When he took it off, he forgot about the gloves, and so preached with them lying on his head, and as he preached without gesticulating in tne slightest they remained there during the whole of the service.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1895-04-18
4 R1D RIRn

| If the charges that are made against the English sparrow by writer in Gar den and Forest are true he (the spar
 row) should be exterminated. If they
 are not true he (the sparrow) should de-
 mand an investigation. It is asserted that observation, especially in the city
 of Albany, indicates that the sparrow is
 largely responsible for the rapid in crease of the tussocked caterpillar in
 cities. This is the insect upon which war has been waged in Rochester dur ing the past two years, through the offer of rewards to the school children for the destruction of cocoons. The charge is that the sparrow does not touch this insect, but drives away the birds that formerly kept it in check. Accordingly the insect has increased to an alarming extent and men are obliged to do the work formerly accomplished by native birds, but now neglected by the sparrow.
 It is further asserted that the spar row is naturally pugnacious and he persecutes many native birds, assai1ing the chipping sparrow in flocks, and even larger birds when they are rem dered by accident defenseless, pursuing them furiously until they are dead. He has been known to attack young robins in their nests, and even domestic pigeons and common fowls are molasted for the purpose of robbing them of their food The scarcity of many of our na- tive birds about our dwellings is to great extent owing to his quarrel some disposition. He seems absolute ly fearless, and will attack a blue jay or a. crow, and by the force of numbers compel even these to retreat. But such birds as associate naturally with men are the greatest sufferers. Among
The daily morning journal and courier., 1895-04-18

dle is burned at both ends in a hun dred ways The most opposite mo- tiVes and most contrasted circumstance es-vlce and ambition, poverty and wealth, pleasure, sport and honest work -all are responsible for keeping young fellows too late out of bed at night or getting them too early out of 1t in the morning. In this way the healthy hab- it is broken, the sound constitution is touched, and the cranky one fairly started on the downward road. Serious breakdowns occur even at this carly age from excessive brainwork unre- lieved by sufficient rest, but as a rule, the trouble is slight, and apparently passes. The same process. however, goes on with advancing years, fostered by the routine of modern town life. People must be up betimes to attend to their business or professional work; they are busy. all day, and at night, instead of going to .bed in good time after a comfortable evening at home, as folks do in the country, they must be off to the theatre or some social gathering. They get late to rest, and as often as not overtired and overfed or badly fed into the bargain, with the result of disturbed night as well as a short one. To work again the next day, unrefreshed, and the rest da capo, the habit becomes established. It Is the vice of great cities which keep both early and late hours.-St. James Ga- zette.