Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-10-24

nre down in the hold and we never
discovered it until we got into port
and began to unload" "That,s
strange. What put the FIRE out ?''-
Why it burned down through to
the sea and the water put it out
Couldn't burn the water YOU know. -
And the captain walked away smil-
ing, while the interlocutor was so as
t0ni5heU that he never thought to
ask why the ship did not sink.
AN insurance clerk sent his card
to his florist recently with young
lady's address on one side and the
following note on the other "Any-
thing will do for this girl" When
the clerk called that evening the SER
want met him with his boquet,
handed it to him, and slammed the
door in his face. The florist had
tied the card bearing the address to
the flowers, but written in a femi-
nine hand below his note was " There
Is one thing that will not do for this
girl, and you are it,"
SWEET GIRL-Pa, the house next
door was robbed last night.
Mercy! Next door?
Sweet Girl-Yes, and the burglars
have been in two or three houses on
this block within a week.
Pal know it. l know it. It's
terriblel But what can we do?
Sweet Girl was thinking it might
be good plan for me and Mr.. Nice
fellow to sit up few nights and
watch for them.
JAMES WHITCoMB RILEY's fond
ness for children is a we'll known
characteristic of the " Hoosier" poet
and his keen appreciation of their
quaint sayings is illustrated in the
following dialogue he claims to have
overheard, and which he related at
recent luncheon. "I don't like
Willie It ALL" the first youngster as
serted, emphatically. why not p
" Cause every night he blabs every
thing to God"
SMALL BoY-pm too sick to go to
school to-day.
Nam mma-Then lie down and I'll
send for a doctor.
Small Boy-Dr. Pellet?
Mamma-No. He's homeopath.
shall send for DR.. Castor, the allo-
path.
Small Boy-Never mind, mamma
feel better. Where's my books?
Mr.. BRIDE-I never felt better in
my life.
Mrs. Bride-Oh, don't say that,
Chalie.
Mr.. Why not?
Mrs. Bride-It's so unlucky. In
every case Of sudden death you will
read that the deceased had Just re-
marked that he never felt better in
his life,' and then he drops dead.
MRS. FoGG (entering appartment)
Somebody's in the other room.
I've good mind to peep.
Fogg--Don't do it; it's a mean
piece of business.
Mrs. Fogg-I don't care; Pm
bound to find out. HIM, the keys
in the hole!
Fogg-So l ascertained before you
came in.
MCTIGHE lin the chair)-Hold on
there-ye've had two trials and We
pulled the wrong tooth each time {;
now, begob, I'll go to the blacksmith
and have it removed.
The Dentist-You'll stay in that
chair till that tooth comes out. I'll
get the right one if have to pull
every tooth in your head.
-" YES, 1 had a long conversation
with Miss Beaconhill, of Boston, but
don't think she understood half
what l said"
What makes you think that ?n
" Well, she didn't have her spec
tacles on"
MAMMA-Well, did you tell God
how naughty you have been?
| Lilly - No, / was ashamed.
thought 1T had better not get out of
the family.
Is there much dissipation here ?''
asked New Yorker of a Maine ma.
tive. Nary bit," was the reply.
Why, the sun can't even dissipate
the fog"
PATRIOTISM seems to consist to q
certain extent of neglecting ones
wife and family to yell for a man
who will rob the State if he gets into
office.
A sCHOoLBoY asked to define the
word "sob," whispered out, "It
means when feller don't want tc
cry and 1t busts out ITSELF"
To say, EVERY one is talking
about him" is a eulogy; but to say
Every one Is talking about herr II
an elegy.
A WOMAN who has never seen he
husband fishing doesn't know wha
q patient man she has married.
IF the bass drum could think |
would probably wonder why 1t ha
to keep still so much.
- o.<S--
MEN are most nearly right whel
they admit they are wrong.
: IT isn't the biggest tree that bear
the best fruit.