Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1895-03-07
Sprink1es Of SDice.

sprinkles Of Spice.
Cora-"I see Miss Fussanfeather has
three rings" Clara-'I guess she's
trying to make the greatest show on
earth Of herself. "-Yonkers Statesman,
Little girl-"What did you do in Cali.
fornia"" Little boy-"I spent most Of
the time learnin' to pronounce the
names of the towns we stopped at."-
Good News.
"Ahv said the statesman, govern.
ment trying my plan at last" Wife
WHAT'S THAR" Statesman-"Bor.
rowing money! Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
kate-"I was out skating last even.
:, and I fell down no less than ten
times" Ethel-"What! Only ten times,
and Jack there to help you up?"-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Little Johnnie-"Ma, why do SO many
cities have floating debts?" Mrs Flat
teri don't know, dear, unless it is
to keep them from sinking under their
obligations "-Brooklyn Life. (.
Little Miss Freckles (proudly)-"My
new doll winds up and walks" Little
Miss Mugs (airily)-"If I'd a-known
that kind was bein' sold, I'd a-got one
for a waiting maid for my dollie."-
Good News.
Boy-"Mr. Dunn called to see about
that bill Of his" Mr.. Short-"Well. II
he comes in again, tell him his bill is
III q good state of preservation and Is
likely to reach q good old age."-Boston
Transcript.
He-"What allowance do you think
your father ought to make us when we
are married?" She-"Well, If he makes
ample allowance for your faults. I
think he will be doing all that a be
expected Of him."-Tid-B Bits.
At the Fortune Teller's-"That is q
very dark future you predict for me,
madam "Why, sir, what could you
expect for q s%ixpence? Pay me a shil-
ling and I'll see what l can do for you"
lie Moniteur Litteraire.
Mistress ION the second day to new
cook)-"Kathi, just be so good as to lend
me five marks" Cook (aside)-"Ha,
ha! that why she said yesterday that
the cook in her house was treated as
n Of the family."-Der Schalk.
Father-"So, my dear boy, l wish you
many happy returns of the day; and, as
a reward for your diligence and good
conduct, l will get the dentist to draw
that bad old tooth of yours that gives
you SO much pain!'-El Mundo Comico.
Justice (severely)-"How could you,
sir, be SO G as to swindle people
that put confidence in your Prisoner
well, judge. I'll make it worth some.
thing t 0 yer if you'll tell me how to
work them as dOn't."-Life's Calendar.
The will is opened. the notary reads
"l,em. l bequeath to my nephew, Jean
Pierre, the two sheep that strayed
away a fortnight back. provided they
turn up again; if not, I bequeath them
to my faithful servant, Nicholas."-Le
Gaulois.
Mrs. DeNcat-"It seems to me that
for a man who claims to deserve chart.
ty. you have a very red nose" Moldy
Mike-"Yes, num-; the cheap soaps
that us poor people has to use is very
hard on the complexion, mum."-New
York Weekly.
Mrs. B.-'I can't see what's your OBJ.
lection to young Mr.. Goodly. Every.
body speaks well of him." Miss q.
Observation-Disclosures, surely sou
wouldn't wish me to marry a man that
T r,,o,,11 ~o,o. ho W. n ,irh% 20 cnn11fss
Harper's Bazaar.
Lovcr-"You arc getting prettier
every day" Sweet g~irl-"Just now I
am living on brown bread and water
to improve my complexion" How
long can you keep it ups" 20, indef.
nitely." 'Then let's get married.
New York Weekly.
Wibbles-"Here is a firm advertising
that it has over 100 pianos out On trial"
Wabbles-"Well, what of it," Wibbles
Nothing, only If that Internal in.
strument in the house next door to me
is one of them it certainly ought to be
convicted."-Buffalo Courier.
The silvery sleigh bells in the maiden's
ears
Sound like the prelude of her wed
ding chimes,
While in them her unhappy lover hears
His jingling wreck of dollars and Of
dimes!
New York Herald.
Theodorus-"I always read the par
liamentary reports very carefully, but
have never come across any speech Of
yours yet" Bernard on. Pillow is
that? Have you never noticed the
words Cheers and Hear, Hear? That's
where l come in."-Stuivers Blad.
"Men are such Inconsistent Great
ures," sighed Mrs. Witterby. st was
only the other day they were enthusi-
astic about smashing the machine ut
the polls, and now l see that they are
going to vote by machinery. What
won't they do next"'-Brooklyn Life.
Whimsicus-"I always knew that
thirteen was an unlucky number! Jolll-
Gus gave IN awfully swell dinner the
other night, and there We're just thir-
teen at table," Flimsicus-"Well, what
~happenedy" Whimsicus-"What hap
rened? Why, I wasn't invitcd!'--