The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1895-12-06
VARIETIES.

So you want your marriage with
my daughter to occur just as soon as
possible?" said Mr.. Goldbrique.-
Yes" replied the titled foreign sutton.
81 warn you that she has very I'M
certain temper, changeable DISPOSE
ton and nature which is as unrelia-
BILE as it is tempestuous. "Um-then
that is all the more reason for having
the dowry settled just as speedily as
possible"
Sunday School Teacher-"Child-
rem, do you know the house that is
open for ALTO the poor, the rich, the
sad, the happy; to man to woman; to
the old and to the young? Do you
know the house l mean?'' Little
Johnny-"Yeth, ma am, l know
Sunday School Teacher-"Well,
Johnny, what house is p Little
Johnny-"The station-house."
neutrality-suspicious. any old
newspapers?n Junkman-"No.N News
papers amt made O. rags any more.
Made of wood pulp" Housekeeper-
Isn't wood pulp no use 2'' Junkman
-"Guess not, but dump 'em on. If
they happen to be made O. maple
wood, maybe l can sell 'em at a ma
pie syrup factory.
-"Well, you ought to be satisfied
with such crops as these. There is
certainly nothing lacking. You have
no cause for complaint this year"
1.-The old farmer scratched his head
and stood in a meditatve mood for a
moment, then hesitatingly replied,
We'll, you know, such crops as these
is pesky hard on the SOIL"
-Teacher-"Whata are the names of
the seven days in the week p, Boy
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thurs
day, Friday and Saturday. That's
only six days. You have missed one.
When does your mother go to
church % When pa buys her a new
hat"
You don't seem to succeed in
business said friend to a man who
had made his fourth assignment
Don't, ell? haven't l made a big
success of my several failures ?" And
he hurried to the bank to make u de-
post in his wife's name.
-Clerk-"Does it take you an hour
to 90 around the corner % Boy-'A
man dropped a quarter down a hole
in the sidewalk" Clerk-''And it
took you all this time to get it out?''-
Boy-"Yes, sir. | had to wait till the
man went away"
-Wife:-"Whatdo you want with a
trombone? You know the man next
door has driven US nearly wild by his
performance on that horrid instru-
msnt." Husband-"Calm yourself,
my dear. That's the one | bought"
Mr.. Spinks-"Well, Willie, has
-, Il 10 TO
the concert with Inc p Willie
Yep. She's made up her mind and
she's maxim up her face now she'll
be down in q minute"
Mrs. Minks-"Isn't it queer that
such little bit of country as England
can rule such vast amount of terri
tory - Mr.. MinkS-"Well, l don't
know. You're not very big yourself,
my dear
How are you succeeding in keep
ing house in the country, Mr.. Hill ~
First rate at that. But the neigh
bors have borrowed almost everything
else.n
What kept you out ~ said the
thin man to the fat man at the jam
med entrance. Corporation intiu-
ence," was the stout response.
-Blobbs-''That young Harduppe
keeps late hours, doesn't he p Slobbs
II shouldn't be surprised. He keeps
about everything he can get
The Bride ION the honeymoon)-
'Why you only bought one ticket,
DEAR The Groom-"By jovel
never thought of myself"
Cooked in his own sauce-Prison-
er-"What, that man is going to de-
fend me Why, he couldn't bring an
innocent person through ~
PA, what is a trip hammer ?''
Its the hammer, my son, that your
ma leaves on the carpet when she
hangs up a picture"
Little Girl Ito her mamma) -"What
is dead letter, please? ?" Mamma
lone that has been given to your
father to post"
There is nothing now to mar our
happiness" as Bass remarked when
his wife's mother took her departure.
$50 you are going to South Amer
lea. Byyour Doctors adyice?" mo;
nv LAWYERS -