Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1895-10-03
Highest Of all in Leavening U. Govt Report
R0H!a.!!! R RskiaRs
ABSOLUTELY PURE
ARSOLUTEIY PURE
WIT AND WISDOM.


When the devil doesn't know what
else to do to kill the preaching, he re-
moves the mask from some hypocrite.
RAMS Horn.
BOBBY wish the Lord had made
tho world in two days Jack--Why?
Bobby-Then we'd have three Sundays
. week. -Harper's Round Table.
"A Bad Debt "You need not speak
SO unkindly of Henry's debts, papa; he
doesn't owe you anything" ''Yes he
does. miss; he owes me long bored
bill."-Detroit Free Press.
Oregon Packer-What is the horse
good for? Dealer-Well, t. be honest
with 70, he's little too bony fur
mountain trout and not quite tough
enough fur corned beef; but he'd can
up like daisy fur spring chicken."-
Cleveland Plaindealer.
-Edwin-What do you think have
in this locket, dearest? The postage
stamp on your letter. It has been
touched by your lips. It often touches
mino." Angelina-Oh, Edwin, I'm so
very sorry. I moistened that horrid
postage stamp on Fido's dear, damp
nose.-Exchange.
willie, Mrs. Dawson tells me that
you behaved very nicely at luncheon
at her house yesterday. Why can't
you do that when you're at home?'
Because, mamma, If I behaved badly
there, Mrs Dawson would send me
home, but you haven't any place to
send me."-Harper's Bazaar.
--'And the new man-beran Jones
"What of him?"' snappeds Mrs.
Jones swell, I'm afraid the feminine
traits will go to him, the conditions be
reversed, and "Jones, what do you
mean?" "Oh, that man will be embar-
raised, bashful. ashamed in the pres
ence of woman"-"Good heavensl He
ought to be nowv'-Cleveland Plain
dealer.
where's my bicycle?' asked Papa
on the morning of the Fourth, as he
came out into the yard. "Boo.hoo!-I
don't know" said Willy. 1T went off
q little while ago" "Went off!
Where?' ''Boo-hoo! don't know. I
f-f-filled the roomatic tire wiz powder
an touched a m-match to it, an'-ah-
hoo-ah-hoo!-it went away Harper's
Mrs. Young Mother was here last
night. She stayed till after twelve.
Mr.. Young-Did she say anything
about my being out so late? Mrs
Young-No. She said she would wait
till she saw you to talk about that
Indianapolis Journal. t--.: u.s..
Young Joblots-Mr. Bullion, I have
come to tell you that your daughter is
all the world to me. Old Bullion
You're another Of those fellows who
want the earth. Young Joblots-I
don't understand you, sir. Old Bullion
Why, tho world is the earth, isn't it,
and as my daughter is all the world to
you, doesn't it follow that you want
the earthP Young Joblots-Well, yes,
If you put it that way.-N. Y. Tribune.
-"Wonderful, isn't it," began the
Cheerful Liar, what narrow escapes
children run when they are too small
to take care of themselves! I marvel
sometimes that anybody ever lives to
grow up." Well, what new," said the
Man Who Was Being Bored, resigned
~. "Oh, nothing much. Myyoungest
child fell out of the second story win
dow this morning" '.You don't say so?
And the little creature was not hurt at
oil? Miraculous!' Not so surpris-
ing. You see there was one Of these
patent lawn-sprinklers playing right
under the window, and when tho
baby fell into the stream it tossed him
back and kept him tumbling in the air
till rushed in and caught him. Got
pretty wet, but there was no damage
done. But" added the Cheerful Liar,
gloomingly, ''it proved an expen-
sive accident after ALL" 'sHow
was that?' '"There was q water in.
spector passing at the time, and when
he saw the affair he came in and fined
me ten dollars for using SO big .
stream."-BuffalO Express.
You sit on your horse like
butcher" said pert young officer,
who happened to be of royal blood, to
q veteran general who was somewhat
bent from age. ut is highly proba-
ble," responded the old warrior, with
grim smile; 1T is because Ill my life
I've been leading calves to the slaugh.
er."-Household Words.
Game too Late-"It's great pity"
said the convicted burglar to his law
yer, that you couldn't have made that
closing speech of yours at the open
ing of the case" II don't see that it
would have made any difference" ut
would, though. Then the jury would
have been asleep when the evidence
came in and I've have stood some
show."-Washington Star.
Young Tutter-Miss Clara, suppose
that tomorrow evening l should call
again, and having nerved myself up to
it, suddenly, while we were convers-
ing, I should without word throw
my arms around your neck and DELHI
erately kiss you; what would you do7
Miss Pinkerly-Oh. Mr.. Tutter, don't
ask me to look 80 far ahead.-Brook.
Ign Life.
Times Have Changed.-''Do you ap.
preciate," the old man asked of the
youth who sought the hand Of his
daughter, that marriage is attended
with greater difficulties and discour-
agements than it ever was before? The
youth would have spoken had not the
patriarch waved him to silence. do
you realize He threw his whitened
locks back from his brow. that the
lodge gag is worn SO thin that blind
woman can see through it, and that as
yet nothing has appeared to take its
place.-Detroit Tribune.
Observation-Disclosures
Hosts of people go /
the wrong way to g.