Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1895-07-06

youth, has but a haZy idea Of the
'ourth, but Miss Ruth mas very decided
opinions about the way il should be
celebrated.
rHE PRESIDENTIAL FIREWORKS.
Mr.. Cleveland will probably lay in an
extensive stock OF flrecrackers, torpe-
ioes, pinwheels. chasers, Roman candles,
sreek fire, skyrockets. bombs and Jap
.nese lanterns. 1t will make a fine pict-
are and set a glowing example to other
american citizens TO see Mr.. Cleveland
failing a pinwheel to a tree and then
touching IL of, while Ruth and Esther
stand by in expectant admiration.
The President may scorch his fingers
md burn holes in his clothes n per-
laps set fire to his home. but all these
are permissible on the Fourth, and
should he sustain some more serious
mishap IL might boom along his alleged
third-term aspirations, as a father in
jured while amusing his children on the
Fourth OF July always arouses emotions
u admiration. especially in the ladies.
CHAUNCEY'S GREAT SURPRISE.
The people OF Peekskill always regard
chauncey NJ. Depew as their particular
property on the Fourth. Mr.. Depew, IL
Is said. Is planning a great surprise for
the inhabitants OF the peaceful Hudson
River town. and on the great day in
tends reading the Declaration Of indie
pendence to them without introducing
any jokes Of homemade manufacture.
This departure will not make any differ
| ance to the true Peekskillian. who al
WAYS laughs every time Mr.. Depew opens
his mouth. In this way he is sure to
| enjoy all the witticisms OF the great ora
tor. though the laugh may precede the
| joke by a quarter of an hour or more.
Mr.. Depew is quite certain that a true
reading Of the Declaration viii provoke
great mirth in P~eekskill. provided he
conceals the title Of the piece. He has
not yet decided upon this important de-
ception.
On previous visits to Peekskill at this
season OF the year. Mr.. Depew always
took along with him a rich supply OF
fireworks for his son Buster" The
latter within the past year has almost
grown TO be as tall as his distinguished
father. and furthermore has dropped
his riotous nickname. so that he could
be reintroduced to the world as
Chauncey NJ. Depew. tr. The young
man has no further use for crackers,
a development which Is a sore disap-
pointment to his father. who acknow-
lodges that ne hugeiy enjoyed nTihs
them OF. i,
Deep mystery envelopes the doings OF
ex-President Harrison at his Indian
apolis home on the Fourth. Base rumor
has said that lie Is going to place the
famous old a On the top OF a rocket
and see II IL will stand the strain OF
living again to Presidential heights.
From the same source II Is learned
that the lent IL received in 1892 makes
The ex-President fear that II may not
hold together when his opponents be-
gin to wrestle with 1t.
ROAR OF THE TIGER.
\ The poor, old, crushed Tammany
tiger Of New-York has gathered it's
mSneled remains together. and has
seized upon the Fourth as an oppor-
tunity to let out a few roars as a signal
10 h world that II Ia still among the
living. The tiger has always made
much Of the Fourth, with Long
Talks" and Short Talks" by eminent
Democratic statesmen. who are always
sure OF boisterous welcome when speak,
ing to the Tammany braves. That I
tiger still lives will be shown in a mos
emphatic fashion, the beliefs of the re.
to the the contrary. notwith'
sraLASNis.
Thomas Collier Platt. the gentleman
who expects to mould the opinion o.
the next Republican National Conven-
tion. 80 that Ii will nominate h man
ne favors, will not allow the Fourth
TO interfere with his political plans
He will indulge In some fireworks Al
Manhattan Beach, but they won't be
the conventional kind. With a few
choice companions he may explode a
bomb whose mission will be the wreck
or he Harrison army. or lay q powder
mine to blow up Mayor Strong. the &C
credited New-York agent Of the Nc
kinley boom. Platt's fireworks will
all be of the destructive kind. and
while not pretty from a spectacular
standpoint. they are apt to be more last,
ing than the average Fourth OF July
kind.
WILL LOSE HIMSELF.
The aforesaid Mayor Strong. as thu
disciple Of Reform, finds tina
wedding out all the evil growths of New
York Is q heavier job than ne bar
gained for. particularly as his distri
button of political pap has not beer
satisfactory to the rank n file of tn,
reform army. The Mayor will try ant
lose himself from the Metropolis on tn,
Fourth. as his troubles and dyspepsia
could never stand the strain Of the dir
ana racket Of the city.
Il II said that nj viii seek q shad,
beH In some lost Jersey district and cele
brate the Cay by dreaming of the happ.
times he viii have when his term o
ONCE IL over, and he Is again a plain
ordinary citizen with no thought Of tn,
vlckedness or soodness Of New York.