The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1895-03-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

II i DtlItE IOE Il blOCtOI. III Il buSiuSSc
point of view, TO discover one new dis .
order than to eradicate dozen diseases. I
--B0St0u Transcript.
What warrant have you for thinking
that Shakespeare was broker?" oh. I
none, only the fact that he has furnished +.
so many stock quotations"
Bangs-Id give good deal to know
how it feels to be drugged and robbed.
Binthere-Why don't you 80 and get a
prescription flied, then? - B@tal0
Courier.
Shop Really, madam, that
white feather in your hat makes you
look ten years younger. Old maid
Is chat 50? Then give me another
IU-BitS.
Cholly pleigh-Yes, gloves are
worn in bed at night to make the hands
soft. Miss Coldeal-Indeed! Do you
wear nightcaps, Mr.. Chumpleigh?-A-
y World
1--WE should be thankful forsmall mer-
cies said the boarding house mistress
we have to be-" replied the star
boarder, as he gaZed at the diminutivc
turkey.-Iruth.
What did the critics think of your
play?" inquired one author of another.
Think about it. They did not think
about it at all. They merely wrote
about it. Washington star.
In view of the fact that the horse show
has become greater occasion than
Easter for the display Of the latest
fashions, why not call it frankly the
clothes-horse show?-Ihe critic
Man-The prettiest girls always mar
ry the biggest fools. Maid - Mr..
Snoopenhauser, | esteem you highly,
but it is useless to try to carry me of
my feet with glittering generalities.
Young LADY, should like to give
my intended little surprise before our
marriage. What would you recon-
mend? Lady friend-Don't wear your
false teeth just for once.-L' OH Gloto.
Briggs My doctor has ordered me
to eat as little as possible for a week.
| Griggs-Is that so? Come around to
| my clearinghouse and take Thanks
| giving dinner with me.-N. !. Herald.
Mr.. Scrimp-My, dear, | don't see
how you had this counterfeit bill passed
on you! Mrs. Scrimp-Well, you don't
.et me see enough real money to enable
me to tell the ence.-HarPer's
| BdzGr.
One thing poor, weak woman can
never understand is why it costs a man
S45O to win turkey for 10 cents in u
rattle. But women are not presumed to
know everything. - CicUeidld PLAIN
Deaier.
Hills-Who was that you just bowed
to? Hulls-Why, that's jerks, the great
fiction writer. Hills-Never heard of
him. What has he written? Hulls-
Testimonials for patent medicines.-N
\. HOrid.
Did l understand you to say that
! Thompson was a farmer" Good
gracious, no: | said he made his money
in wheat You never heard of farmer
doing that, did you?"-hldianapoIiS
| Journal.
what would you call my new apart
ment house?" asked Bidder of a friend;
and the other, gazing thoughtfully at
| an ugly pile of bricks and mortar, said:
81 should call it flat failure. "-B0St0H
Bulletin.
The young man-Gracie what is it
| your father sees in me to object to? The
young woman (wiping away a tear)
lie doesn't see anything in you,
Algernou; that why he objects.-Boston
! Home JOUrHuk.
Laura Gold maid to her neighbor at
dinner) You eat very little, Mr.. Jen-
kins. jenkins (1attered. and wishing
to return complimenD All, Miss
Laura, to sit by you takes ones appe-
tite aWay.-IrUth.
Young man." said the stern parent
as he suddenly entered the room, "you
seem to be getting along pretty we'll"
ooh, no." replied the young man as he
shifted the girl TO his other knee, I'm
onl y holding my own. "-Albany argus.
"Ah, she said in reply to his fatter-
ing remarks beauty, you know, is
only skin deep" Yes" he returned,
"but consider the vast number of girls,
and many of them your own associates,
who haven't got it that deep."-N l.
Press.
-"Can you love another?" she asked.
nesting closer to his bosom. Earnestly
he gazed into her deep blue eyes. Il
think not, he said. I'm buying flow
ers and theater suppers for six now, and
with you | guess I've about reached my
limit"
Mrs. Yearwood (beseechingly-Oh,
if only knew some way to keep my
husband at home nights. Can't you,
| from your long married experience,
Suggest plan? Mrs. Oldhand (grim-
| ly)-Certainly; chain him. - Butdlc
Courier.
Yo,,,,5, ,,-;fo OK ,,,op,o,o INT nv
curling irons on the fire, quick! Charlie
/ you going to cauterize the wound?"
No; want to curl my bangs so l can
run for the doctor. Hurry up!"-AUStiH
Rolling Stone.
Teacher-Tommy. did you find out
! anything about the origin of the dollar
mark? TOMMY asked paw about it
and he said the straight lines stood for
the pillars of society and the crooked
one for the way they got their money
Cincinnati IribuHe.
Every kind of game is getting
| scarcer and scarcer in this country"
| remarked the man with the gun case.
That's so, replied the parsonage who
wears conspicuously striped cuffs. Il
reckon lie tax on playin' cards has
| good deal ter do wild it. Washington
| Star.
"And you say he was defeated by one
vote?" said the professor. Yes" re-
piled his wife. who had been reading
from the paper That's interesting,
very interesting" he unused. Its
positive paradox. It's what might be
called a singular plurality."-ItashiRg-
ton star.
The young brother-I say, brother
Bob lend me a quarter. will you? The
lover-What do YOU mean by calling me
brother Bob? The young brother
Well. your names Bob. ant it? And
sis says she's decided to be sister to
you. And I'm her brother, ant I?-
Hdrpcr's Bazar.