Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-10-28
JUST FOR FUN.

| me. He-l know that, but am odu
enough?
A child seeing a bill on a telegraph
post: 80 mamma, look! A message
has fallen down."
Wife-John, why don't you go to
sleep? Husband = Pm afraid it might
wake up the baby.
''Do you think she loves him?"
desperately" "Why desperately"
because he is her last chance"
His first view of the elephant.-El-
der brother: "Look at his tail, Jim
my" Which one, Bob, de one before
or de one behind?''
Chow time goes" he said, as the
clock struck IL. It's the only thing
that does CO." she answered YEARLY;
and he took the hint.
Artist painted this picture, sir, to
keep the wolf from the door. Dealer
(after inspecting it)-Well, hang it on
the knob where the wolf can see it.
Small Margery had just been stung
by wasp. II wouldn't minded it's
walking all over my hand" she said,
between her sobs, "if-if it hadn't sat
down so hard"
''It is evident" said the Judge, that
you shot this man with malice afore
thought" 'No, 1 didn't, yer Honor"
replied the prisoner. cit was with
plain buckshot."
She-Do you know, Harry, father
has forbidden you the house? He
Forbidden me the house! never ask
ed him for his house. His daughter is
good enough for me.
''This is a terrible world" said the
misanthrope "a dreadful world.'
eyes," replied Cholly, cit does seem
so at times; still the Pwince of Wales
lives on it, you know"
When a distinguished man declines
in advance to be a candidate for Office
unfortunately there always will OBJ
trude itself on the mind the question,
F'But does he mean it?''
"What makes the baby cry so?''
asked Willie. He's cutting his teeth,'
said the nurse. "Why do you let him
do it?'' asked Willie. ''You won't
even let me cut my own nails.o
s'Humble as I am,'' said a spouter
at mass meeting, IT still remember
that I am a fraction of this magnifi-
cent empire" ''You are, indeed,'
said a bystander, "and vulgar frac
ton at that"
When Fogg was asked what he
thought of Mahlstick, "a scraggly- head
ed painter, he replied, II should think
better of him if he would use his
brushes on his hair instead Of upon
canvass"
''But if you are in earnest in your
anti cruelty to animal principles, how
can you bring yourself to encourage
their butchery by eating meat?' "I
even things up by not paying my
butcher bills.''
Mrs Joanes-How do you do, Mr..
Brown? Flossie, this is Mr.. Brown;
he thinks everything Of little girls.
Flossie = Funny, but there's a man
who lives in our street with the same
colored name as you.
They were telling of books that they
had read, the man with the high
forehead asked what the other tho't
of the "Origin Of Species" The other
said he hadn't read it. I'm fact" he
added, ssI'm not interested in financial
subjects"
Frank comes into the house in a
sorry plight. "Mercy on us!" exclaims
his father. elbow you look! You are
soaked" "Please, papa, I fell into the
canal" "What! with your new trous-
ers on?" eyes, papa, I didn't have
time to take them off,
''It is wonderful what progress has
been made in the way Of machinery"
remarked MI. Figg. ''I see that there
has been a machine invented that can
make a complete pair of shoes in six
teen minutes. Why, that is faster
than Tommy can wear them out"
A small boy gives his views on a
very pertinent subject in these
graphic words: "Some boys is hon
ester than others, and there's no way
to tell them apart, except you pretend
to forget your knife, and watch 'em
Jump fer it. The one that jumps last
is the honestest one.o