Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1895-11-26
THE COLONEL TELLS OF
HIS TRAVELS WITH A CIRCUS.

alternately, until thought I was one
of the component parts Of tanning mill.
When I recovered consciousness Saltz-
mann had brOughttWO more barrels, into
each OF which ne poured about one-third
of the lemonade | had made. Then he
filed all three barrels up with water
and added a few more quarts Of aniline
and q few more pounds OF citric acid.
Scornfully gazing at me, he remarked:
Well. well, well. II yOu amt duh
cO9rsest sim dat ever come over duh
plate. Say, dyu want ter bust this
show? Dey's enuff material used N dat
mess YOU put up TO make homemade
Hmmonade bat fur duh feet Of Milly
Mills.
After that I watched Saltzmann
make lemonade just once, and l then
discovered that enc real good circus
lemonade maker can make enough red
lemonade to float q ship with the ex-
pendiure Of about ten cents In time and
money.
The day I started out to sell gOober
nuts and lemmo' on the high seats
Saltzmann gave me a piece Of advice,
which was. never to have any mercy on
ANYBODY who was sucker enough to give
a candy butch a big piece Of money. l
bore his advice I'm mind for about two
weeks. but never had q chance to put
&c into effect until one afternoon a man
with long gray whiskers and conhd-
inc look bought some lemonade FOR
himself and his dear old wife. l felt
sorry for him until he handed me a $40
fhrrfornf nf Tho advice
of SaltZmann. / was q little nervous,
/ and I guess ( showed it, but / played
my hand out TO perfection. L placed
my tray containing about twelve glasses
of lemonade carefully on his lap and
uncermoniously dropped down through
the seats. alighting on the small OF
my back about 10 feet below. Then /
skated ont under the tent. and in five
j minutes / was about five miles away
and running strong, with the long green
/ clasped carefully in my right hand. l
/ met the show in the next stand, ana
| Mac. after collecting $40 from me as MS
/ share of my touch. cOmplimented me
| on my ready wit, assured me / would
make a circus man if I stuck 10 the
/ business. and promoted me 20 the po-
sition of doorkeeper.
"Tbe first day I was on the door Ielt
/ prcuder than q man with a new set on
/ false teeth. 7 had my head mp IN the
ai~ until + looked like q horse with q
/ short overcheck ON. s. little after the
+ grand march. o. big. husky man, wear
iu-a breath like the Od0r Of % c0nhagra-
tf4u ir b1rrel-house. slouched up TO
= rho door and asked me if / reckunnized
T fh' perfesh, 7 informed him that the
only .perfesh' we recognized was the
. 'Derfesh' that purchased their tickets
Z m rba biz wagon. lie said be was a
/ boss canyasman. and told him 10 spell
\ ol nothing with me ~ he was boss cook
\ 0f the tent. be couldn't get into the
i show without letting 60 OF his money
/ the same as any other sucker AS l
/ said this ne reached out and soaked me
\ a punch in the side of the head that
/ made me see ali the stars at the Lick
\ Observatory. ICame back at him, how
ever and tried TO hit him with my
fists. AN that saved me from aSsGS-
/ siuatlon was the fact that l had sense
I enough 20 hollow Hey, Rubep and
T some of the employees OF the show came
out and beat the boss canvasman half
10 death After the row, as l was
/ amounting my eyes with the raw hind
quarters of a beef and wishing / was
p dead, Mac came up TO me and said:
My boy says he. I don't see much
chance OF making a circus man out Of
. You even if I did say so a little while
ago. ANY ass that has been with @
show as long rs YOU have and refuses
admission to q boss canvasman ought
20 go out and try to get somebody TO
stake him to enough money 10 take q
course in an agricultural college. And
any prize ass that has been In the bus
mess as long as YOU have and tries to
fight with his fists ought to be scalped
with a knife. What do you suppose
them tent stakes Is fur that Is kept
standing up alongside of the ticket box?
DO YOU think they are there for Orna-
ment? DO Won think they serve the
purpose Of bric-a-brac? Not on your
last years salary Them stakes is
there 70 protect the man on the door
The first raw play that is made it is
your play 10 pick up one of EN- and
fracture somebody's skull. IF yOu can't
do it the first time try, try again. I'll
overlook it this time. because you're q
little damp behind your ears yet in the
show business, but If il ever occurs
again TIL cut your suspenders if we're
@ thousand miles away from winter
. quarters. Now chase around and count
up and if there's any shortage in the
box I'll charge il to your salary
Well. they kept me on the door for
awhile and I got to know the business
pretty well, when the man that was
selling tickets in the big red wagon got
wealthy and concluded he'd go off and
join q bigger show. Mac put me in the
ticket Office. Before installing me he
told me one day in confidence.
This job does not pay a salary It
. pays o percentage. and the percentage
is Just what You make it. See?'
"I was constrained to confess that I
did not see.
Well he said. III make it palmer.
. YOu see. there's a whole lot of people
come up to that ticket wagon that amt
/ got no right to have money at all. They
. don't know how to take care of it, and
they don't know how TO spend it. They
put big money in the window. expect
! ing to get their right change back
/ See?'
81 told him I was beginning to find
/ that something was beginning to seep
into my comprehension.
"T'm glad you're one says Mac Now
/ some people pight call 70 stealing, but
I they amt in the circus business. We
| don't call It stealing, because we know
. it amt stealing We know that by get