Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-10-16

"What ia Charley doing for living now"
Writing" II didn't think he was litera-
ry." Gle isn't. He writes home for re-
mittances"
Chow do you like my new trolley hat ~
Trolley hat 1t is very pretty, but why do
you call it that ?" "Why, John says its per-
fecrly killing"
go old Mr.. Brown is married at last ?"
eyes; furriner l card" "a foreigner
No, an English lady" cob card as 'ow
she was a Tartar"
Jane, said The mistress to the new girl,
"what burned that large hole in the rug"
Fire" answered Jane, laconicaly, and
there the dialogue ended.
In the Park.-Laura George, look at
that dog Will he bite? George-Bite? If
he's dog of any judgment. Laura, he'll try
to cat you Get out, you brute
Ethe.oeaa III a runaway carriage Oh
Tom, let us jump-quick. Tom Qrisurrly)
-'Twoud only be the trouble for nothing.
We shall be thrown out in a minute.
"There goes young Van Doodle over
there; did you hear that he tried to blow out
his brains when the heire.s refu,ed him "
no; did he succeed?" "They don't
know."
Glow is it with that man." shouted the
good clergyman reaching a climax. And
the retired umpire, dozing in the back pew
,tarted up suddenly and replied SAFE on
third"
Il wondee VIII 20 short man as Bimley
shou'd marry snch tail girl as Miss Tup'
PERI Probably the same reason that IN
duced Miss Upper TO marry a little fellow
like Bimley."
"Mrs Brown never sits up to wait for hel
husband" "No?" "No. When she ex
poets him to be out late she retires early
sets the alarm a O'CLOCK and gets up fresh
and reproachful."
He feeling his way to knowledge of hel
accomplishments Can you darn stockings
Arabella? She with distant ffigidityl-l
don't expect to marry man who needs t.
wear darucd stockings.
Biggs-I s-e Jiggs has been married.
Suppo.e congratulations are in order
Miggs-Well, / don't know his bride, so
can't congratulate him, ana do kRow him
so can't congraru ate her.
"Polities," said the self made man. al
ways reminds me of something I noticed
when set out in life as a sailor" "Wha
wes that ?" There's no good KNOWN thu
ropes uniess you're cot pull"
CRY man (mistaking the saw-uiiie. 20,
the farmer What kind Of boarding can
get at your place? sAw-Miler (innocenIly
Mostly weather boardin', but there's liz
tie fl1orin' let over you kin hey
Matter of Fact capitalization say you
love me, but cannot be my wife. Is it be.
cause am poor? There are better things in
this world than money. She-Quite true,
but it takes money to buy them.
Stout Man Whose akpetite has been the
envy of his fellow boardersl i declare,
have three buttons off my vest Mistress O
the House lwho has been aching to give
him hinU-You will probably find them
in the dining room. sir.
"You say the trout weighed 10 pounds p
"Y,s, sir; twas the biggest trout ever
saw" And it got away from you -
"Yes.' "WiIl YOU take an oath to that p
arm take no more oaths, ! svore enough
about it when he got away"
1T seems to me-" observed one of the
neighbors happening along during the after.
noon of the glorious Fourth, you NIGH
have put a flag or two on the front Of your
house" We did, answered the wild look
ing man on the veranda. "byt we had to tax,
them down and use them for bandages"
Young Mr. Oakland was wheeling hi,
first-born in Scheuley Park yesterday wher
he met his friend Mr. Bellefeld Dom
you think my baby is very pretty:' asked
the proud papa. II do" was Mr. Belle
fields reply; "and although have never
seen your wife, think the baby must tax,
after it. motheg."
Father coming unexpected upon the
scene)-Ah, Just as l thought in swim
ming on Sunday Boy putting on a bold
'front.' II fell in, dad. Fatier (angrily)-
Don't lie to me. You have got your clothes
of. Boy We'll. you wouldn't want me tC
fall in this muddy water with ny Suuda!
Clothes on, would you?
"You see grandma, We perforate an ap
eraure in The apex and a corresponding ap
erature il the base and by applying the eg!
to the lips and f,rcibly inbaling the breatl
the shell is entirely discharged OF it, con
tents " Dear me" exclaimed the old lady
"Ghat wonderful improvement. they do nov
make Now, in my younger days, they jus
made hole in each end and sucked
"A friend of nine" said the floor Wake
asked ne the other evening to 90 and cal
on some friends Of his who had lost the hesG
of the family the day previous. He haC
been an honest old laborer with the pick anc
shnrel While we were with the flmiIy 81