Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1895-03-07
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JEsTs AND YARNS ~ FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.
a Change Of Base His compIis
msnts- a Shame The Wsy Of the
WerId. Etc., Etc.
A CHANGE OF BASE.


A CHANGE OF BASE.
"Why, Jimmy" said profession
al beggar to his companion, ARE you
going to knock of work; it's only
2 o. clock"
mo, you blockhead," responded
the other. as he unbuckled the strap
of his crutch. Pm only going to
put it on the other knee. You don't
suppose a fellow can beg all day on
the same leg, do your"
HIS COMPLIMENTS.
IT do not wonder" said the ex-
tremely gallant man, that women
object to telling their ages"
''Indeed?" responded Mrs. Pas
seigh, little suspicious.
mot bit. They naturally dis
like to have their veracity doubted,
and they know that no one can believe
from their looks that they are as old
as they say they are"
A newly married couple who were
riding in carriage were overturned,
whereupon bystander said it was a
shocking sight"
Yes" said gentleman, ito see
those just welded fall out so soon"
THE WAY OF THE WORLD.
Skiter-What makes you take
such an interest in getting sub
scription raised to pay the Widow
Lonely's rent?
Tighter own the house she lives
in.
LIVING EVIDENCE.
Wife-The cook says she never was
with family that lived any better
than we do.
Husband-Yes. The policeman on
the corner has gained twenty pounds
since she came.
ECONOMY.
"What shall do9' she moaned;
II have broken my bicycle"
Let me see the wreck" said her
mother. "Why, these wheels are
very light. indeed"
Yes, the lightest manufactured"
"Well. there is no need of wasting
them. I'll take them downtown and
have some trimming put on them.
They will make lovely hats for you
and your sister to wear to the
theater."
SURE SIGN.
Mrs. Homespun-I don't think
this can be one of the important pict-
ures, John.
Mr.. Homespun-Why not?
Mrs. Homespun-Why, anybody
can see at the very first glance just
what it represents.
CORRECTED.
Police captain Severely = You
say that as you were going home
from your club, an hour or so ago,
you were held up and robbed?
Gen. Booze OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
of tn kim! l say / was stopped
an robbed. / want you to under
stan could stan up without assist
ance.
BUSINESS PROPOSITION.
Mamma" said Willie, "do you
pay Jennie SIS q month for looking
after me?"
mo, $16," said mamma. "She is
a good nurse and deserves it,"
swell, / say, ma, I'll look after
myself for ten. You'll save six by
it,"
REBUKED.
Chronic grumbler - Look here!
There's no meat in this sandwich.
Afrable waiter-Then why do you
call it a sandwich. i am surprised
that a gentleman of your erudition
should commit such solecism in
rhetoric.
HOW HE HAD SUFFERED.
A low knock made it's way slowly
through the front hall and expired
near the dining room table. Mr..
Wigglesworth got up to answer it,
and found decayed looking gentle
man standing on the front stoop,
with another stoop in his back.
Food and drink" pleaded the
gentleman, with a humble gesture
of his hands; II am Nebraska
sufferer"
ooh, come now, you know" cried
Mr.. Wigglesworth, for it was he,
that won't do. you know. You're
no Nebraska sufferer, so far away
from home as this"
Pardon me-" murmured the de-
cayed looking gentleman, deftly in
sorting his foot to hold the door
open. but you do not understand
me. All my fortune, left me by my
kind and indulgent parents, was
invested in Nebraska farm mort
CAGES"
But Mr.. Wigglesworth was already
back at the table, and time passed
on. Also the decayed looking gen.
tleman.
A CREATURE OF SPITE.
Miss Singlewun-What hateful
thing Lyddy White is.
Miss Thingummy-Why, what has
she been saying now?
Miss Singlewun--I just happened
to say she'd never see As again, and
she said, mot when look ut YOU"
Tho spiteful thing!
SILENCE Is GOLDEN.
s'Sayin' de right thing ut de right