The Dupuyer acantha. [volume] (Dupuyer, Mont.) 1894-1904, 1895-08-01

IL, i DuuSt WI1tC ~ a. " 'ou y
sake answer lido you love me?
Jack.
November %, tS94.-Dear Jack: No.
[ am not angry with you, and I will
speak to you the next time you give
me a sane chance-and-I don't love
you. Here there is something
scratched out, which by holding to the
light one can read.) ] will confess
that If l We're not-(there the sentence
was broken and the pen run GRO
it several times; the letter continues)
I think now I've answered your
principal questions, and | will tell
you just what happened when l re-
your letter. First Dick
brought it to me. young Dick, | mean,
four years old to-day-di1n't you just
a little forget him? "Oh," | said. as /
took the envelope, "here's a letter
from Uncle Dick!'
"Now we'll know what's become of
him all this time Bully Uncle
Jack!' answered Dick. Il think the
adjective was one of your many pres
ents to him. How about that
"Uncle?" Do you want to throw away
all light to that adopted title? And
uOh u tou WdHJ. W hCCI' ~ duJCStiNS,
too, till you're an old man, and
Dickie's your ,ge now! Well. l opened
the letter to read it, but before l had
finished some M came into the room,
and for the first time In my life I had
a letter in my hands / was ashamed
OF and wished to hide. AS soon as l
was alone l read it over again, and
tried to laugh and think it was q joke,
n,,l r,1 14-t,DI ftV. a 1pJnrInp 70
see if it wasn't somehow or other the
first of April. Then l had a cup of
tea, sent word hat l was to be denied
to everybody, and read your letter for
the third time. Then I did laugh hon
estly, but cried, too, and having fin
ished with a satisfactory fit of hyster-
les, l felt better, and cleared out and
arranged my dressing-table drawers.
Then | began to answer you, and this
is the sixth letter I've started to write.
l don't know if / shall send this or
not, which is silly for me to say, for
Of course if you don't get it you'll
know l didn't.
The trouble is, every one of the five
others was a lie, and this begins with
a lie, too, and now I'm going to take
it back. l can't help what I've al
ready written, I'm going to tell you
the truth now.
Jack, 1 do love you. But don't stop
here; be sure you finish this letter.
Yes,I do love you, God help me! mot
God forgive me, l don't ask him to
forgive me. He knows that 1 haven't
grown to love you of my own accord,
that it's been in spite of myself, that
I've tried with all my strength of VIII
not to love you. How is it, l wonder,
that the only thing the mind can't
control is the heart. It's true; you see
evidences of it all about you. Your
best friend turns around and marries
the man that bored her to death in
the beginning-and, Oh, dear-may
again in the end.)
But to go back, Of rather to go on
with what l have to write. When
Dicks father so far forgot his boy
and me as to start a second home he
killed my love for him, which had be-
fore this filled every nook and crevice
of my heart. Dead, how that love
shriveled up into nothing! and as time
passed ID, making everything worse
instead of better, L put the withered
corpse out of my heart and swept the
place and closed it, and vowed l would
keep it empty and clean. 1t isn't
empty any longer, but you must hell
me keep it clean. Jack, dear Jack, dc
you know what it is for a woman-a
young woman who knows what love
is, who has had it and lost it, and has
seemed to be living only under a mid
night sun ever since-Suddenly to fine
herself warmed, inspired, glorified un
der the a Y of a golden MONDAY; all
with this knowledge that her idea
still exists, if she can't attain it tina
she can be loved, is loved, as she cal
love, does love in return? All | cal
say is, the joy is so great it is wortl
bearing all the pain, the pain tina
must follow. Think of the Loneliness
of unloved wives. For the love O
husband and wife is the most precious
thing in life. 1t is the only thing tha
takes precedence of all others; i
is the emperor. Children leave fathe
and mother, when their little finger
grow big enough for the golden circle
and so you see that while just nov
Dickie is to me the greatest comfOr
and joy, l cannot honestly say he fill
the empty space in my heart, made 70
another love than his. In a few shOr
years he, too. will find the same empt
spot in his own heart and fill it wit
some good woman's love, | hope. An
then what a loneliness for me! + II
And yet somehow it is largely the 10
that keeps me-that and myself. Fo
in spite of all this loneliness (Which
doubt sometimes if many men coul
. imagine) which affects me. l couldn
go away with you, | know.
Put not trusting wholly to my em'
tons. l should always, all my life, b
ashamed.
, But not trusting wholly to my em'
| tions, | have reasoned it out. | hay
=, taken up an old visiting list, an
{ there is Mrs. ", the first nan
i, crossed out. She did it. -Four yeal
, ago. She spends all her time trave
] ing about Europe; n winter in Pari
:, another in st. Petersburg. and s o o.
$ Summer, people are always meetin
\ her at AK, or Hamburg, or som
g where. She hurries out of their sigh
dreading to have them cut her; al
] they say she is beautiful and thi,
a and haggard; and too highly colore
n and always terror-stricken lest he g
O tired of her! Pool Polly! we we
4 room-mates at school together, al
/ she always shared everything on Il
thirds principle-yOu took twO-thirC
and she one, and she wouldn't have
@ any other way.
y Further on is another name crosse
H. a.l- lA