The Press., 1895-06-06

Mary Jane-"Why does the man in the middle O the diamond stand and hold the ball so long and make faces at the man with the bat?"
 Abner-W Wants to make him so mad he can't hit it''
 Health and happiness are relative con- ditiOns; at any rate, there can be little happiness without health. To give the body it's full measure of strength and en- ergy, the blood should be kept pure and vigorous, by the use of Ayers Sarsapa- rilla.
 She-"It must have been an awful storm to blow away the lighthouse"
 Cholly-"Terrible, my dear! But it could only have been through carelessnes5 that there was lighthouse in such an exposed place."
 A REMARKABLE CURE of RHEUMATISM. | Westminster, Cal., March 21, 1S94.- Some time ago, on awakening one morn ing, found that 1 had rheumatism in my knee so badly that, as 1 remarked to my wife, it would be impossible for me to at tend to business that day. Remembering that 1 had some of Chamberlain's Pain 1 rubbed the afflicted parts thoroughly with it, according to directions, and within an hour 1 was completely relieved. One ap- | plicatiOn had done the business. It is the best liniment on the market and 1 l sell it under a positive guarantee. R. T. HARRIS For sale by w. w. Lathrop, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Coventry.
 Williamson-''Theys say hair grows af- ter one dies" Henderson-"That very strange. My doctor says that's what made mine come Out.'
 We recommend De Wits Coltc and Cholera Cure because we believe it a safe and reliable remedy. It's good effects are shown at once in cases of cholera mOrbus and similar complaints. w. D. Hoald, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Coventry.
 "When I broached matrimony she dis missed the subject with a word" "What did she say?" "Yes."
 To KEEP YoUNg needs no magic elixir. It only requires little daily care of the health Ripans Tabules reduce doctor ing to it's lowest cost.
 Why did the fly ayhy?-Because the spider spied her.
 -WoULDN'T A SALARY COME IANDY?- See advertisement of "Chance to earn money" in another column, if you want a position.
 The third river in Scotland in size is the Forth. The natives can understand that without a surgical operation.
 Some time ago was taken sick with a cramp in the stomach, followed by dia- rrhpa. 1 took a couple of doses oi Ghan- berlain's Collie, Cholera and DiarrhRa Remedy and was immediately relieved 1 consider it the best medicine in the mar ket for all such complaints. 1 have sold the remedy to others and every one who uses it speaks highly of it. J.W. STRICK- LER, Valley Center, Cal. For sale by w.. w. Lathrop, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Philips, South Coventry.
 Paterfamilias -''What on earth makes that young man stay so long? Doesn't he know enough to say good night ?'' Edyth-"Of course he does That's what makes his stay so long"
 When occasion demands it's use, try De Witts Witch Hazel Salve. It is cooling to burns, stops pain instantly, clean6es, a perfect healer for SCalds or skin Crup- tiOnS. Always cures piles. w. D. Heald, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Coventry.
 '"Them's my sediments" said the hy- drant water as it went through the filter and came out on the other side. "I hope make myself clear"
 Travellers find a safe companion in De Wits Collie and Cholera Cure. A change in drinking water and in diet often causes severe and dangerous complaints. This medicine always cures them. W.D. Heald, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Coventry.
 Uppen A. Cumming-The fact is, sir, women need more exercise. Pm going to give my wife a Christmas present of a football. Telus Y. Knott-Im not My wife does enough kicking already.
 'NOTHING VENTURE, NOTHING HAVE. " Rev John Reid, Jr., of Great Falls, Mon., recommended Ely's Cream Balm to me. I can emphasize his statement, ''It is positive cure for catarrh if used as directed. "-Rev. Francis w. Poole, l dSGOI CSuOlttl 1 I6Ss SllulGlls lI0lCIltt, Mon.
 ! It is the medicine above all others for catarrh, and is worth it's weight in gold. can use Elys Cream Balm with safety and it does all that is claimed for it.-B. . w. Sperry, Hartford, Conn. The little Boston boy was so plainly puffed up with juvenile vanity that the vis- itor noticed it.
 "Robert seems unusually proud today D she said.
 E "Yes," the fond mother answered, "he has on his first pair of spectacles." { Persons who are subject to diarrhma f will find speedy cure in De Witt's Collie f and Cholera Cure. Use no other It is the best that can be made or that money can procure. It leaves the system in natural condition after it's use. We sell it. w. D. : Heald, Stafford Springs; c. L. Phillips, South Coventry.
 WILL deliver any kind of wood in 4 z w foot lengths, or sawed and split, in quan- l titles to suit order by postal. j VIM. D. RUBY, E. w. BROOKS, T stafford Springs, Conn.