Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-12-19
Why John Bull Wants Peace.

Why John Bull Wants Peace.
Mr.. Bull. on the other side of the
wafer, has been having an exceedingly
uncomfortable time of it, lately. At
one time and another he has seen fit
to bolster up the decaying Turkish
Empire, thinking, o doubt, that his
interests would be subserved thereby.
To facilitate this process of bolstering
it became necessary, on divers and
sundry occasions, for him to absorb a
good many bonds and other securities
of that empire, which cost the old
gentleman a round sum of money.
Now, Mr.. Bull does not care the
remark of blasphemous tinker about
the Turks, the Armenians, or any 9TH
er race or nation upon the face OF this
planet, except only as their good or
evil fortunes effect his pocket. II he
could get his money back tomorrow
and be made whole, both the Turks
and Armenians might go comfortably
aud peacefully to the devil together,
so far as he is concerned; but he sees
no immediate prospect to either get
ting his money back, or OF being made
whole; hence his present state of ir-
ritation. Mr.. Bull might absorb the
Turkish Empire bodily, which he
could easily do, just as he bites off a
chunk of Africa or South America,
but the Russian Bear would take a
most vivid and voiceful interest
in any proceedings of that ma
ture. From his watch towers on the
Balkans and the Caucasus the bear has
long watched affairs in the province of
his neighbor, the Turk, with lickerish
eyes, and has been noticed that when
the sound of any unusual commotion
reaches his ears from that direction,
his neither lip is suffused by an I'M
wonted moisture, and that he ticks his
jaws in the most voracious and greedy
manner. Should Mr.. Bull attempt to
walk off with property to which the
bear regards himself as the lawful
heir, there is no doubt that he would
come down upon Mr.. Bull like thous-
and of brick or a ton of granite. Mr..
Bull realizes this, and hence his mod
esty. He could turn the whole bust
ness over to the bear in consideration
of that party's assuming to make good
the money he has already expended,
but this would bring that animal too
close to his beloved Egypt, and entire
1y too near to theroute to his Indian
Empire, for comfort. Then there is
France to be reckoned with, who has
never been satisfied with Mr.. Bulls
Egyptian deal. by which her interests
in that country were injured.
The Venezuelan question is not af-
fording him much trouble now, for he
feels that his interests are entirely
safe on this continent as long as the
present administration is in power.
Mr.. Bull would fight no doubt, if he
thought he could win, but the last
scrap he had with anything near his
own size was with this same bear,
which, with the aid of France, Italy
and Turkey, he was able to down, but
was so near out of breath at the finish,
he doubts the propriety of his going
up against anything stronger than the
King of Ashantee. Besides he has
contracted vast debt of his own, and
the Rothschilds and others of his
hackers feel a reluctance to permit
Mr.. Bull to further strain the English
taxpayer and run the risk of an ex-
plosion.
The only place on the earth in which
he can take comfort at this time is in
his possessions in this country. If trou
bles continue to accumulate upon his
own blawsted little hisle, he may con-
clude to move hover and take personal
control of province he has managed
so long by deputy.