Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1895-02-21
An Overworked Good Samaritan.

An OyerwOrked Good Samaritan.
"Sergeant, mebbe I doan' under
stand how it vhas exactly, said Mr..
Dunder, as he called at the police sta
tiOn the other day with a look of
anxiety on his countenance, as mar
rated by the St. Louis Globe Demo-
crdt:
"How what was ?" queried the
sergeant.
"About dose suicides. Vhas it
my peesness ifsomebody suicides 2"
"Tell your story"
Well, stranger comes in my
place and looks sorrowful and home.
sick. Pooty soon he says to me:
Mr. DIndnr, she "E"S no use. |
make big fight, but I vhas beaten.
[ haf made oop my mind to shuttle
off some mortal coils. | vhss going
to die right here und now, und like
to say good-by to you who vhas al
ways eferbody's friend. Farewell,
oldt man! y
Vhell, dot scares me, you know.
place und haf some big pieces in der
papers, uud so I speak softly to him,
und gif him glass Of beer und feefty
cents, md get hin, oudt. Der VERY
next day dot second man comes in,
und sits down und throws his hat ON
der floor und says:
Carl Dunder, my wife, shildren,
home and fortune vhas swept away,
und l doan' like to live any longer.
Please gif me private room in
which to expire, und mebbe you vhas
so good ash to see dot my grave vhas
kept green.'"
see," said the sergeant.
"Vell, can't gif dot man no pri-
vate room, und | doan' like dot coro-
ner TO come around, so fill him oop
und gif him some change, und he
goes away happy. He says if he dies
he Will bless me. Vhas dot like you
expected ?"
eyes. What else?"
Der next day dot third man
comes. He vhas slim man, und he
vhas weeping. He goes over by n
table und cries like some shildren.-
BY und by he looks oop und says:
'Mr. Dunder, 1 vhas some wrecks
on dot sea Of life. II vhas no more
use to struggle against adversely.
make goot fight, but l vhas licked
Please gif me a leetle water, dot
may take some poison, und bid dis
world a last adieu.'
Do / want some dead mans living
around NIT all dose reporters rushing
in to put it in der papers? No!
speaks to dot man VERY kindly, uno
| pats him on der shoulder, und ir
ten minutes he takes some beer, und
takes feefty cents, und says he will
go by his brother in Buffalo to eX
pire. Vos dot right ?"
"Did fourth man come ?"
Yes, und fifth und sixth.
shust get dot sixth man oudt door.
before l come away. He vhas fa
man, und it takes quart of beer unC
seexty cents before he says he Will
struggle some more nit dis cole
world "
"Mr. Dunder. you have beer
played again." said the sergeant.
"Vhas / toOken for greehorns unt
| naySeedS ny dose men ?'
Exactly"
"Und nobody vhas going to expir,
in my house ?"
:" No. 1t was sort Of gum game
It's a wonder somebody doesn't bea
you out of your shirt. have talket
and talked, but"
Sergeant" interrupted Mr.. Dun
. n A xyh
home"
"Well? ?"
"Pooty queek after / vhas home
man Will come und look tired un,
discouraged. He vhill take ou
some white powder in paper un,
say to me:
'Mr. Dunder, leetle water, please
I can't fight dis world no more.
vhas going to dot land where eafry
body vhas an angel mid wings un,
sings all day long. Please see do
my legs vhas siraightened out i'm de
coffin. und dot l hold rose in m
hand.'
He vhill say dot to me, sergeant
und do you know how @ shall pei
form? l vhill spring on him lik
an elephant. / vhill catch him b
der neck und flop him dis vhay un
dot vhay around like dis, und 1 Viii
run him to dot door, und kick hir
seventeen times NIT both feet I
: once Dot vhas some gum game.
EN-? / vhas greehorns, vhas I?-
You keep quiet! If you hear some
hody cry for mercy, don't come u
init der patrol wagon. You Viii
know it vhas only me helping dos
weary pilgrims to shuttle off dos
mortal coil md become angels {
queek dot dey don't haf time to sa
goot-by."
HEAVY Tragedian lat a local h,
teD-Prithee, landlord, dwells thel
within the precincts of this haml
, machinist?
Landlord-A machinist? Ye
} sir.
= Tragedian--Then take to him tn
? bird of many springs. Bid hi
= wrench asunder these iron linn
r and then, for our regalement,
= chisel slices from its unyieldir
8 bosom, for we would dine 500
And, pray you, do it quickly. Y,
peas you need not carry, for thos
@ with deXtrOus management, we Ct
swallow whole. Away!
, A SMART Observation-Disclosures
y Paper, sir?
: Solemn-LoOking Citizen My de
: boy, / would like to oblige you, b
r / can't read.