Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1895-02-02
TALES FROM TEXAS.
How the Tree and Squirrel Conun-
drum Caused n COufngrntiOn.

Texas Cor. Globe-Den,ocrnt.
Some newspaper-innocently, no doubt
has thrown bombshell into the little
town of Tightwad, in this state. The bomb
shell has burst severely injured some OF
the inhabitants and burned the business
portion of the town. The shell was in the
shape of an item which reads as follows:
MIR. Abner Keen, being fond of the
sport. went into the woods one day to shoot
squirrels. He came across knowing old
gray squirrel who promptly ran up tree
and stationed himself on the trunk on the
side opposite Mr.. Keen. Now and then
the little rascal would look around on one
side to see what Mr.. Keen was doing, but
would draw his head back too quickly for
Mr.. Keen to get a shot at him. So the
hunter proceeded to walk around the tree.
AS he walked the squirrel moved also, ever
keeping the tree trunk between himself
ard the enemy. Mr.. Keen walked around
the tree several times, but failed to get a
shot. Now, while he walked around the
tree did he walk around the squirrel?'
There is a little saloon in Tightwad
known as 1.-The. Ruby" run and owned by
one Jim Stevens. 1t is the nightly rendez-
vous of several Tightwadders, some of
whom are prominent in both social and
business circles.
One cold night recently Mr. Peter Molly
neux, clerk in a general store was in the
Mascot" playing pool with drummer.
Mr.. Thomas Porterhouse West was also
there playing dominoes with Senior Antonio
de Varga, and Mr. West was a picnic for
the senior. Dennis Ryan was there, to
whom the Mascot was heaven, and his
home. with waiting and angry wife, was
something else. Mr.. Orlando Potter was
in attendance. Orlando was the most ar
gumentative man on earth. Mr.. Killdee
was also present, with whom an argument
is sure AMI quick road to an alteration.
Others were In attendance, whose names
are irrelevant.
There was a good fire in the room, and
all was comfortable and aceable. when
in walked old DR.. Pettigrew with a news
paper The doctor sat down and began to
read. Soon he happened on the fatal story
of Mr. Keen and the squirrel. He WASH
satisfied with reading it to himself, but felt
called upon to read 1t aloud. The doctor
possesses high-keyed, penetrating voice,
and every one in the room heard the item
and it's concluding question
DO you know" said the DOCTOR Its
astonishing what fool things get into the
newspapers. Any man knows If he walks
around thing he also walks around every
thing that is in or on that thing"
Now, doctor. hold on" said the argu-
mentative Mr.. Potter; "it looks at first
sight that your argument is all right, but
you see. as the man moves the squirrel
moves, the latter's back is away from the
man, his belly toward the man, and the
tree between them. The man never passes
the squirrels back. You can't go around
a thing unless you pass all sides of it. The
man don't do this at ALL
Meantime the pool players were arguing
the matter, so were the domino players, so
also were Messrs. Ryan and Killdee. There
was confused murmur in which could be
"orbit." moving orbits" 'fdiotic," abb
surd.' &C.. and finally Mr.: Killdee called
Mr. Ryan a "fiannel-mouthed liar" Mr..
Ryan. who isf belligerent enough for all
practical purposes. when away from his
own hearthstpne, promptly grabbed Mr..
Killdee's whiskers and punched him in the
nose They clinched and fell over the
domino table, The dominoes went every
which way. and Mr.. West got hold of a
spittoon and the senior pulled a dirk. The
latter was knocked down promptly by a
billiard cue I'M the hands of Mr.. Molyneux.
The drummer, being smart man, had run
out of the BACK door. Jim Stevens inter-
fered in the fracas received the spittoon
and then pulled his gun: The doctor not
only, on seeing this, pulled his gun, but
also began to shoot There was frantic
building caught fire, and the belligerents
had barely time to untangle and get out:
I'D in smoke. The block contained the en-
tire business portion of Tightwad.