Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-09-16
JUST FOR FUN.

june gay SUeaK!
'Do you know your letters, Jack?'
mo, sir; but the postman does, ant
he always tells. I don't need to know
em.''
"Please spare copper; Pm so hun
gry!" "Why don't you work?' "Be-
cause that would make me still more
hungry"
"Say, mamma, wny is it papa al
ways speaks of money as cold cash?'' D
81 guess because it gives him a chill
to part with it.''
First Wyoming Rustler-Killed any
elk to-day? Second Wyoming Rustler
No; it's agin the law. Besides its
fun to shoot Indians.
Landlord How do you like the
scenery, sir? Guest-It is beautiful.
Landlord (to clerk John, add six
dollars to his bill for scenery.
"Suppose,' said little Mabel, 'that
our pug should try to follow his nose,
would he run down his throat or would
he turn back somersault?"
"Don't you think the baby looks
like me, dear?" asked the proud ia
Their. "Ye-e- replied the mother,
cautiously, "when it's getting ready to
cry.'
mature" said Uncle Eben, "doan'
nebber bestow all her gifts on one in
divijjle. De lightnin' bug aim got no
singer, an de skeeter amt got no
lamp"
Paying cashier Madam, you'n have
TO get some one to introduce you be-
fore I can cash this check. Lady
aughtily)-But don't care to know
you, sir.
'Dah am some parents" said Uncle
Eben, ''dat hab keerless way OBJ 'ca-
sionally maxim er boy feel like he was
gittin' licked fob not lynn bout whut
he DONE"
Professor, to his WHEAT half past
seven this evening, Elsie, I am to de-
liver lecture on my unrivalled sys-
tenn of memory training. Please don't
let me forget it.
Jamie" sharply called out his
mother, 'you've been loafing all day.
Satan always finds some work for idle
hands to do. Take this basket and
bring in some kindlings."
Bilkins = What do you think, Spill
kins? I dreamed last night that bor
rowed twenty dollars of you. Spill
kins-WelI, old boy, dream to- might
that you paid it, and we'll be even.
Mrs. Minks-Isn'ti it queer that such
a little bit of country as England can
rule such vast amount of territory?
Mr.. Minks-Well, don't know. You
are not very big yourself, my dear.
Deusler is an old bachelor and
great horseman; and often says if you
could tell a woman's age the same
way you can horses, they'd be more
apt to keep their mouths shut (the
brutei)
Miss Mildmay I am sure there is
good in Mr.. Spooner. He certainly is
very tender hearted. Miss Frost =
Yes, he has a heart that he has ten
dered to about every unmarried wo-
man in town.
Grim visitor, who is a lady doctor, |
replied: 81 do not wish Mary Ann to |
nave accomplishments. [ want her to
nave science. She is now six, but she
s well along inphysiology. Mary Ann,
Sag yoatr bones"
"What will we 'shoo' chickens
WITH" asked Mrs. Cycles, "when we
Ill get to wearing bloomers?" ''There
will be no need" replied poor Cycles,
YEARLY, E'tEey will run without, as
soon as they see YOU"
Master examining pupils in geog-
'aphy) = What is the name Of this
What is it noted for? Pupil-Fire-
arms. Master-What are fire arms?
oupil-Poker, shovel and tongs.
eve were simply measuring to see
which was the taller" said young
when surprised in pressing
lis best girl to his manly bosom. "You
re about the same height, I think"
eplied the enfantterrible, "but sister
s the redder''
Father (to the seven-year- old miss
reside him, cutting the whip sharply
through the air)-See, Mary, how
make the horse go faster without
triking him at all. Mary Gin an ca
,er tone Of happy discovery)-P
Why don't you spank us children that
way?
Bucklen'S Arnica SaIVe.