The Press., 1895-05-30

Master-Be quick, my boy, and reckon up how many head of cattle there are in that herd. Pupil-Seventy-six. Master How did you make 1t out? Pupil-I counted their feet and divided by four. Master-You gave yourself unnecessary trouble, my lad; next time you must count the horns and divide by two.- Necceste N0chr5cnten.
 It is 8 great mistake to suppose that a simple tonic gives strength; it only stim- ulates the stomach to renewed action. To impart real strength, the blood must be purified and enriched, and this can on ly be done by such standard alterative as Ayers Sarsaparilla.
 1 Johnny if 1 was to ask you whether it's goin' to hurt or not would you tell me the truth about it ?"
 Deutist-I certainly would, my boy.
 Johnny-Then go ahead and pull it without tellin' me.
 AGREEABLY SURPRISED. .--"I had a very severe cold on my lungs that caused much soreness and gave me considerable un- easiness in regard to the result" says MT. T. E. Smith of Billerica, Mass. "A local l lain's Cough Remedy, and on his recOm- mendation 1 gave the remedy a careful trial. The result surprised me; recOv- cred entirely in three days" 25 and 50 cent bottles for sale by w. w. Lathrop, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Coventry.
 There will be no Yale-Harvard foot ball game next fall unless Harvard re- +voo+c i+o obnrooc oooipc+ ujolyo1, OF br,, tality in last falls game. Harvard is not likely to do this and Yale is justified in insisting.
 ARE You EVER ANNOYED by buzzing or roaring sound in your head? Have you difficulty in hearing distinctly? Are you troubled with continual dropping of mucous, irritating the throat and causing you to cough? Is your breath unpleas- antly affected and accompanied with bad taste? Is your hearing less acute? If so, you have catarrh and should at once procure bottle of Elys Cream Balm, the best known remedy. The Balm will give instant relief
 Ut may be all right to joke" said the small boy, crawling through hole in the fence, as his mother, with a stick in her hand, came running down the street in his direction, but dis comin' woman business is a serious matter ter me-"
 Persons who are subject to diarrhpa will find a speedy cure in De Witt's Collie and Cholera Cure. Use no other. It is the best that can be made or that money can procure. It leaves the system in natural condition after it's use We sell it. w. D. Heald, Stafford Springs; c. L. Phillips, South Coventry.
 Young Lady-If you will let me have those roses will give you a kiss for each of them-but why do you run away, cous- . in? How rude of you. Cousin-One mo- ment, am going for some more roses. From the Groton Connecticut Review e A REMARKABLE CURE of RHEUMATISM ! David Lewis, who has been afflicted all !, winter by rheumatism, is out again and all due to one of the medicines advertised in our columns. After trying everything n possible, he used Chamberlain's Pain 1t Balm, which has relieved him of all pain, n from which he was a constant sufferer and promises to make him fit for duty soon. We know David has been a great }, sufferer and we are glad to see him around again. For sale by w. w. Lathrop, Staf- r ford Springs; G. L. Phillips, South Gov S entrV