The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1895-01-26
THREE AROMATIC NOsEGAYs.

Here are three sweetly aromatic
nosegays. One edits the Meagher
County News; another the Great
Falls Leader; and IA third the Glas-
gov Gazette.
The first would stink a beaver out
of his hole, or drive a blowhy off a
garbage cart. He talks of scalps, re-
%volvers and knives. Why, if he ever
starts us after him in dead earnest,
we will make him think "A whole bri g
ade of regulars is in his wake.
Smell of powder. He loves the
smell of powder! 1t makes our Wig
orous young blood boil to read such
blatant boasting, for whatever we do,
we never boast; but if he could only
see our collection of paper collars and
ears snatched off such unsophistlcat-
ed braggarts as him, he would apollo
gize at once for thus tempting our
irascible nature.
Fight! Yes! Fight, would he? We
have heard the m%utterings of thunder
in a distant storm. Heard the howl
ing torrent in it's terrific leap overthe
cascade. Heard the blood-curdling
midnight yell of the hostile savage,
and our spirits heve never been ruff
fled by the sense of fear. What, to
these, signif, the uncultured, bonn
bastic threats of a human hyena such
as this.
He is a whining cur; a man mon
strosity; a ~raw-boned, hatchet-faced,
pudding-headed nondescript; a hors-
e's tail; a flea in our back hair; and
we will pursue him with the relent-
less zeal Of a brindle heifer chasing
a gad-ly across "A COW lot.
He says he is a natural born coy
ote hunter; what a profound pity he
did not follow up his natural occupa-
ton. His paper never expressed an
opinion upon the senatorial fight;
never opened its chops on the segre-
CATION movement; never yet on
tanned al intelligent opinion, unless
in some tariff article clipped from the
American Economist. We advise
him right back again. Go and soak
your head in lake Ida, and your feet
in the sulphur springs; bandage your
stomach nightly with poultices of To-
bella or hops to keep down inhama-
ton till the trouble abates. If you
live till spring, you will make "a good
target for a ladies' rifle team, but we
loathe to battle our proud hands in
your plebeian blood.
The second is like unto him. Bill
ious and choleric in temperament
built like King Henry after his son
went broke at Monte Carlo. He like
wise seldom expresses an opinion, and
when he does it savors sumps and
cesspools, sewage and school bonds.
lie clips nice pieces about this paper
and its editor, advertises us to the
nations, booms our real estate, in
creases our subscription, ilches the
money out of delinquents, and cheers
on our enemies to their certain de-
struction. His paper enjoys the dis
tinction of bearing more scissors
news than any other publication in
the state. We bask in the blessed
assurance that he will be eating hay
before we descend to such diet.
The third is a hoodoo and no mis-
take. 1t is currently reported that
the late disastrous conflagration al
Glasgow was not Of incendiary orr.
gin but that it caught from this mans
hair after a girl had accepted his pro.
posal of matrimony. He speaks o:
us notwithstanding away from
the likes of him. Why, back in oul
town, a whole family of Lewises liveo
next door, and we n day drov,
them in SO swiftly that they didn'
dare to look out of the window 70.
nearly week, until we informed
them that we meant to do them M
harm. If the gentleman had no
100 miles of distance in his favor W,
will venture the assertion that h,
would not speak out so rashly. Fare
well, three rosettes, farewell.