Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-10-10


And all this disturbance has
to be gone through, with the massacre
of our women and children, and the
subsequent torturing and staying of the
nurderers, that a few-granted sim
cere, granted enthusiastic-mission
les may in foreign countries work infin-
lite mischief to all concerned in the
name of religion, and for the honor of
God, the Universal Father OF US all: to
whom a Chinaman is as dear son as
an Englishman or an American"
AT the NJ. E. Conference recently
held at jackson, according to the Cash
Book, lone good brother said his only
criticism of a certain brothers. sermon
was against the vein of levity notica-
BILE in it occasionally, He said he
could not see how a preacher could
smile when there are so many sinners
to be saved" We regard the good
brothers criticism as being eminently
just. The devil of late years has
found means to spread himself abroad
to such an amazing extent that his an
Gent foemen, the preachers, have to
stand to their guns by day and by
night in order to make any Roadway
at all against him. 1t seems that he
has cast aside his former tactics of go
ing about as roaring lion, frightening
women and children out of their wits,
for more modern methods of warfare.
He has dispensed with his tail, horns
and hoofs. for the same reason the
knight has dispensed with his armor-
they have ceased to be useful. He has
quit inhabiting the waste places of the
earth. He no longer spends his even
ings in prowling about graveyards and
roaming through the corridors of
ruined castles. This kind of cam
paigning was all we'll enough some
years ago, but modern conditions have
rendered it as ineffective as battery
of Chinese tom-toms against the re-
peating rifle now in use. He las cut
off his tail, wears tailor-made clothes,
covers his head with a glossy silk hat,
aud encases his feet in patent leather
boots. His ireside is the most cosy in
all the land. 1--WE do not allude to the
furnace Department. 1t is doubtful il
he would leave it to attend the largest
witches sabbath ever gathered togeth-
err; certainly he would not If the even
ling were a little raw. He has turned
his back upon tradition and become a
plain, everyday Money Devil. He
buys what he thinks will be of use
to him. as does any other tradesman.
Occasionally he sees his way to the
purchase of church, but more fire.
quently he rents a frst-class pew and
subscribes a comfortable amount to the
fund from which the preacher is paid.
In this way he can keep an eye on that
|, gentlemen and shut him off ii he med
, dies with his affairs in way that he
does not approve. He occasionally
picks up a member of Congress, a
judge, a newspaper, a State legisla-
ture, or any other bric-a-brac lying
about loose that he thinks he can make
use of. It was in this way he secured
Henry Watterson. He is quite as de-
lighted with this bargain as ever was
: Robert Bonner at making new addi-
ton to his collection of flyers. He
takes great pleasure in showing Hen
ry, all bridled and saddled, to admir-
ing Kentuckians. He has gathered in
our own Judge Thomas, typewriter
: and all, which he finds useful in sup
pressing the silver craze in Missouri.
; He finds the Gold Trust the most ef-
ficient agent he has ever had. With
it he can produce more heartbreak
and misery in given length of time
than with all the other agencies at his
command; SO he has abandoned his eff
forts to corner birthstone and now di-
reefs them to cornering gold, which.
l
course, if his ultimate aim is to add to
the measure of human suffering and
convince the yokel that there is no God
J but the devil. In fact. he has SO re-
formed his methods that the preachers
hardly know where to have him. While
in a jocular frame of mind, he came
near working off on the Conference Of
which the good brother referred to is
a member, the unfinished, fifteen thous
and dollar barn at Fredericktown for a
twenty-five thousand dollar college
building. He did this to show the Con
ference that he was not without friends
ut court, and that it would be just as
well for its members not to be too hos
. tile in the coming year. Indeed the
preacher has no time for levity-a1
least, until he becomes familiar with
the new methods of warfare he is call