The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-12-05


Ever hear about Herbert's last con-
gressiOnal campaign in Alabamag' asked
an Alabama black belt politician of a
Washington star reporter the other day.
Secretary Herbert. You know him, 1
guess Has charge of all the boats belong
ing 10 the government. Lives here now.
m going up TO see him tomorrow Him
ana Jess Stalnn s-yOu know Jessie sue
ceeded Herbert-Was gOin' over his dis
trlct and stumpin' much. Jess was sOlic-
ltor then, and powerful popular with the
people, the country folks in particular
bama.
They were down near the Florida line
somewhere below Mobile and right among
jess neighbors. They had filled their APP
pointment and after dinner set out for
the next place in buggy with two mules
four or five of the fifteen miles when the
mules got skeered of a mOYin' gopher on
the side Of the. road, and there was
trouble A gopher, you know, is a great
big sort of a. land turtle, and lazy cuss
in his movements.
Well. at the first jump of the mules
Jess went out of the buggy backwards,
and yellin' to Herbert TO hold on to the
lines. Herbert was doin' the best he could,
when all at wunst the mules ran one side
OF the buggy over the end OF log, and
Herbert was emptied out on the other.
He fell settin' down. and the frightened
mules didn't give him time to get up.
But he hung onto the lines, and, man,
sir, them mules dragged him over the
face Of the earth for about sixty acres
on the easements of his pants, sometimes
in Alabama and sometimes in Florida,
and when the team was finally stopped it
was found that Herbert had scattered a
large section of his britches in shreds,
and much of his hide, all over the south
west corner of his district.
"One of the mules got away, and hangin'
one of the buggy wheels on the limb Of
a tree and leaving the rest of the vehicle
in two states, Herbert and Jess tried to
ride the other mule the rest of the way,
but he refused to tote double, and, leavin
both of EN- in the sand, he went across
the country after his runnin' mate.
well, Herbert and Stallin's finally
reached house within easy reach of next
days appointment, and put up for the
night, Herbert all the time carefully keep
ing his back away from the various MEM
bers of the family until bed time, when
Herbert, too mortified to do so himself,
asked Jess if he wouldn't try to get a
yard or so of cloth to patch his-Her-
bert s-brtches.
There wasn't but one piece of cloth on
the premises, and that was a square of
punkin yaller calico: but it was ground
hog case, and Herbert had to have it. So.
when thew went to their room Jess sat
up and talked while Herbert reseated his
trousers
Next day the campaigners filed their
appointment, Herbert speaking first The
/ country people were a little sore on their
| congressman, as Stallin's knew, but Her
| bert didn't, because they had heard OF
| high living in Washington, silk hats. car
/ riage rides receptions, and one thing and
| another like that and when Stallin's was
/ about winding up his speech he referred
| to this objection of Herberts constitu-
ents that he was putting on too much style
/ and getting too rich to rightly care toI
! them and their interests.
| The speakers were performin' on 9
platform above their audience. IN which
/ there was a sprinkln' of wimin folks, Col
! Herbert settin' down and Jess layin it of
| for all he was worth.
Ladies and gentlemen, and friends and
| fellow citizens Stallins says: I come now
4 to a matter personal to our distinguished
| representative. Some of you have 'ioubt.
less heard it said that he had been putting
| on a good deal of style in Washington ano
| that he is your representative, a congress
man from Alabama. and his position, il
| he would represent you creditably, requires
| all these OUTLAWS you may have heard
about. And as to his growing rich, why
| ii takes all of his salary to fifty represent
you. l know myself that he is poor man
and l will demonstrate it right here OF
this platform. Col. Herbert, please steI
| this way.
Herbert approached, thinking Stallin's
was goin to ask him about how expensive
| IL was for congressman to live in Wash
| ington. But instead. Jess went on. while
Herbert had his back to the audience.
| propose to show you, citizens, that Col
| Herbert is a poor man..
with that Jess stopped a little ant
reaching around Herbert pulled up the
tails of his coat gently between the tips
| of his first finger and thum, and there
stood out that great yaller patch, like q
full moon when just risin' in the fail. Jess
| talkin' all the time:
He not only is not rich, ladies and gen
| tlemen but he is actually so poor he has
to wear patched britches: and not only
| that, he had to patch these himself, for
saw him do it Then Jess let the curtain
down on the patch, while the audience
howled. Col. Herbert's face glowed like a
| boiled beet 1t was so red that It actu-
ally tinged the eastern horizon like early
| sunrise, and the veins in his neck swelled
| with the modification of the unexpected
exposure. But Jess had won the day foI
| him.
mo, Herbert, did not come back with
| Jess. He hunted the nearest railroad sta
ton and took the first train for home"