Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1895-08-08
CROSSROADS LOGIC,
AN OLD LETTER FROM PETROLEUM
v. NASBY.

Cheap Money Wouldn't buy More Whis.
ky-How Bascom Would Equalize Mat
ters-The Corners Could Stand Diluted
Currency, but Not Weak Liquor.
CONFEDERATE x ROADS
(Which is in the state Of Kentucky,
Jan. 20, 1878.
amt go certain that I want the sill
yer bill to pass or wuz. The fact is;
the thing don't work ez I s'posed it
wood, and amt clear on to it. There
is suttle principles in these finanshel
questions W 'ich requires great deel Nv
thought, and there is underlyin prin-
ciples W ich man has got to understand
afore he is competent to set hisseR up
ez authority.
One thing am certain uv-Bascom
amt no finanseer, nor never will be;
and told him SO.
"W'at is finanseer?" asked he.
IA flnanseer," sed I, assoomin the
look Of Danl Webster, lis man W w'ich
kin pay his debts with nothin-a man
w'ich kin git suthin with nothin."
"The Corners, then, is full of fnan-
seers," he remarkt bitterly, castin a
casual glance at his slate witch wuz jist
t'other side.
But he hezn't any Nv the science Nv
it. wuz argooin with him the other
day in favor NV my noshun Nv leather
currency, though told him silver wuz
much the same thing, and, for example;
would assoom that silver wuz to be
the currency Nv the fucher.
"Now, don't you see, Bascom, that eff
he'd twict ez much money, I Good
drink twict ez much whisky and pay
for it?''
"How much is twice nothin?" wus
the unfeelin anser Nv the tyrant who
holds the destinies NV the Corners in his
hands. "That s lat your capitle hez bin
ever sence knowd you"
"Parson," sed he, II don't see wat
earthly difference it's goin to make
whether silver is currency or anything
else. How are you a-eoin to git silver eff
1t is made legal tender? Eff silver wu5
ez plenty ez bricks, wat hev you got to
git any NV it WITH"
"Troo, G. W." wuz my mser,
"but can't 700 see that to hev silver
wood relieve the dettor class? Even
now, afore it is legal tender, it's only
with 80 cents on the dollar, and when
the country is flooded with it it will go
still lower. Th IN we or rather sich NV
us ez hev prop ,rty to raise money on,
kin pay off. "
"Eggsactly So" rotorts Bascom;
"you kin pay me for the good, honist
ikker Nv mine witch you hev con-
soomed in coin w'ich is less than the
dollar you promised. All rite. But look
here-come in here all Nv you. / want
you silver men to know exactly W at you
are rushin into.
And this fcend led us into the back
room-that back room w ich contancs
the subsistence Nv tho Corners. There,
in long rows, WIZ Bascom's stock.
There, in barrils, piled one on top nv
another, wuz the delshus whisky Nv
Louisville, nv different ages, rangin
from that Nv two weeks old to that
w'ich he'd jist left the still and wuz
scarcely cold yit. There it lay, and ez
my eye ranged affeckshunately over it
1C4U Cl l CDoo ACN tllo VII IIihlll Nv uAA
that ikker l wood be content to lay
down and die when the last drop wuz
gone.
Bascom p'inted to an immense tank
witch he he'd erected within a few days,
with a pipe runnin in from the roof.
II shan't raise the price Nv likker IN
conscience Nv bein paid for it in de-
preshiatid CURRENCY" sed he
I fell on Bascom's neck in an extacy
NV delite, while the others shoutid,
"Rah for Bascom!'
"G. W, J." remarkt, while teers suf-
foosed my eyes, II never placed you
much below the angels, but this gener-
Gus act has histid you hundred per
cent in my estimashun. Bless you, q.
W., bless youp'
"But I'll tell you wat shell do. Do
you see that tank?" sed he.
"May ask w'at that is for?" sed.
"That tank will fill with rane water"
sed he. "The moment you git to payin
me in silver shell take ont Nv eech NV
them barrils jist eggsactly three and
one-f1fth gollons NV ikker and fill 1t
with water. p"
"Merciful hevings' we all exclaimed,
"and your likller SO weak now"
"And when silver gifts down to rs
cents on the dollar shell take out 25
per cent Nv whisky and fill her up with
25 per cent Nv water, and SO on down.
Eff silver goes up, shell add whisky
eggsactly in proporshen. In short, my
whisky is jist a-goin to foller currency
and nothin shorter. You fellers W 'ich
work for wagis may SWEET, but won't"
"But you'll increase the size nv your
glasses?" sed I.
"Not any. But you may drink twice
ez many times to git the same amount
nv drunk ez before by payin for eech
drink"
And Bascom stallzed hawtily back and
took his posishen behind his bar.
Their wuz conSternaShun in the Cor
ners sich ez l hev never seen. Their wuz
q hurried consultashen at the Deekin' g
house, and l sejested that we emanci-
pate ourselves from the dominyun Nv
this tyrant by startin grosery NV our
own on the joint stock principle, w'ich
wuz agreed to, each man agreein to con-
tribbt $40 to tho capitle stock, w'ich
wood be enuf to buy a b;tr'l or two for
a beginnin.
Wo wuz enthusiastic till we come to-
ballotin for the man to keep the place,
when it wuz found instid NV my bein
chosen yoonanimusly, ez I eggspected to
be, that every man he'd totid for hisseR.
Ez not soul NV 'em would recede, the
slzeem wuz blocked rite there and FINELY