Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1895-12-12
weelEswoarH AND THE LADDER
He Expected to Do Great Things with IT.
A Sad Ending.

II
boughs, whirled them dizzily Aloft and
then went away, leaving the larger part
Of them lying in the cutters Of Mr.. Wig
glesworth's house. Then followed tie
driving rains and the leaves, in sodden
masses, packed themselves closer and rem [
dered the cutters quite obsolete.
What was the surprise Of Mrs. Wiggles-
worth on looking out Of the window to
see her husband lacking up the street un-
der the discouraging weight Of 80 foot
ladder His hat was jammed severely on
the back of his head, an angry light played
upon his features, and his wife could read,
even at that distance, that all had not
gone well with the ladder. Even as she
gazed, with amazement crowning her Wis
age, the autumn breeze caught at one end
of the ladder and thrust it about, so that
its other end picked off the bonnet and top \
hair Of a woman who was on her way to
the postoffice and who instantly emitted
a startled scream, whereupon Mr.. Wiggles-
worth whirled the ladder around just in
the nick of time to project 1t into the
stomach of fat gentleman, whose breath |
il instantly shot out of him with a loud |
woofl
Mrs Wigglesworth could easily discern |
these particulars, and her imagination |
| supplied the language Of the fierce alter |
cation that Immediately ensued. Full of
kindly interest for her husband, she rushed
to the front door.
"Why, Elleryr' she cried in a voice
charged with sympathy, "what have you
| got therep'
"What ye s'pose it is9" retorted Mr..
| Wigglesworth, who at that moment had
| the ladder involved in the gate, where it
caught in seven or eight different places
at once. "Think it's a soda fountain,
don't YEP Looks like horseless wagon
prob ly?"
''I see that it's ladder said Mrs.
Wigglesworth in a placating tone, but
what are you going to do with it?"
"What does anybody do with LADDER"
snarled Mr.. Wigglesworth, mashing a
picket out of the gate, and then, as the lad
der suddenly fetched loose, staggering vio-
lently into the yard and poking out cell
lar window. "Going to use 1t To sift ashes
with, of course. Wha'd ye s'pose l got it
for, to wear to masquerade ballg'
Throwing the ladder to the ground
and kicking it once or twice as relief to
his feelings, Mr.. Wigglesworth pulled his
survey of the house caves.
First thing" he said when his breath
had got to playing regularly through his
lungs, sis to hist the thing up.
"You want to get right under it and
keep pushing" suggested Mrs. Wiggles-
worth.
"That's it," returned her husband,
'ye hit it first time. How to Find
Out Things by Mrs. Wigglesworth, for
the use of wives who want to make home
attractive in spite of themselves.
Grasping the ladder at one end he raised
> it above his head and walked slowly under
, it until its weight became excessive.
"Catch hold here, can't yep he cried,
"Want to see the thing fall and cave in
my head%
; Mrs. Wigglesworth promptly lent assist
ance and the instant her husband felt the
S relief he took down his own benumbed
r arms and caressed them. Mrs. Wiggles-
worth endured the burden for a few brief
;, seconds and then, with a loud cry, dropped
her hold and jumped away. The ladder,
clattering downward, scraped closely tc
= Mr.. Wigglesworth' ear and nearly broke
u off one of his shoulders.
S When he had recovered, they called the
S hired girl Mrs Wigglesworth was showr
: how to rest her weight upon one end Of
g the ladder, while Mr. Wigglesworth ant
q Imogene should begin at the other end ant
by slow progression raise it against tht
. side of the house.
"Liftl Liftp' grunted Mr.. Wiggles
/ worth to the hired girl. Don't leave i
u all for me to dor'
"It's beginning to lift at this end,
- called Mrs. Wigglesworth in agitation.
g "Well, hold it still, " bawled her hus
band.
II can't!" screamed Mrs. Wigglesworth
and then, to her horror, she felt hersel
y slowly rising from the ground.
> Mr.. Wigglesworth and Imogene, having
u penetrated beyond the center of gravity
: acted as fulcrum, and the longer end o
n the ladder, following the law of physics
It trailed downward, lifting Mrs. Wiggles
worth at the opposite extremity. Th'
., weight pressed awfully upon Mr.. Wiggles
worth, but he dared not loose his hold fo
10 fear it all might come down upon him il
y disaster. Then he noticed his wife.
|, "Get off that ladder!" he yelled. "Wha
n ye doing up thereG"
d "I-I can't help it, Ellery!" screamed
d Mrs. WiggleswoFth, gripping tenaciousl,
~ at the rounds. "Oh do let me down."
a "Let ye downp' howled Mr.. Wiggles
- worth. Chow ye s'pose Pm stopping ye
~ Boost can't ye?' he hissed to the hire,
girl, who, with eyes stonily set in he
1T head, held aloft pair of red arms tina
RI never WINGED nor faltered.
ID Staggering about in this painful fash
J. ion, a seesaw motion was communicate
to the ladder, and Mrs. Wigglesworth bob
bed slowly up and down like an old fash
ioned pair of steelyards.
:. "Quit that teeteringr' shouted MI
u Wigglesworth, the veins Of whose nee
u were getting ready to burst and run al
over his wilted collar. "What ye thin
ID this is, game? Reckon it's Sunda
% school picnic, don't yep
,S These observations seemed to be force
:, out of him explosively as he trod up an
- down the soggy lawn. People going b
III had to stop, astounded to see man an
woman balancing "a ladder above thei
n heads for no ostensible reason and anothe
to woman bobbing away upon one end of
er and screaming. A crowd Of these peopl
" now lined the fence, and some of ther
r even volunteered advice.
- II wouldn't stay up there any longer,
y kindly ventured benevolent lookin
man. "Ihat rocking motion is certain
y produce nausea"
m "It's an elopement-don't you see
er isp' put in a man with purple most
ne "That old fellow under the ladder caugt
or her just in time.
As "She looks too aged to be eloping," sal
-. a man in whiskers
- "You can't tell" retorted the purpl
aS nosed man, with shake Of the heat
H. "Some of these women will do anythin
rs to get married"
lg II think, F" called the benevolent lool
ing man, "that if you can hold on for
Mt few moments longer I can ring up til
10 hook and ladder company" And /