The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1895-01-12
SOME BRITISH HUWOR.

Fu-gynt yn golofn ar las fedd.
SOME BRITISH HuyoR.
From the Sheffield Telegraph.
The little girl who wrote on her exam
ination papers, "The interior of Africa is
principally used for purposes of explora
tion," was wiser than she thought.
you never saw my hands as dirty as
that" said q mother reproachfully TO a
little girl Of eight. Because" said Julia,
II never knew you when you were little
girl
The Family Skeleton:
Back from the seaside, back to town,
Noses red and faces brown;
Back to find In the dlngy fiat,
The moud'ring bones of the locked-in cat.
THANK heaven. the fuss is all over"
said the bridegroom, land i have you all
to myself"
Yes" returned the happy bride: "and
now let us take one last look at the we'd
ding presents before pa sends them back
to the jewelers."
L'enfant Terrible.-Flossie-Tel me,
grandma, how did you like being in the
ark with Noah?
Grandma-But l was not in the ark, my
child.
Flossie-Werent you; then how was it
you weren't drowned?
not for your money?
She-Yes, do.
He--A bachelor.
Gamekeeper Ito small boy whom he has
caught bird-nesting)-Noo, I'm just gaun
ii gle ye a RIGHT guid lickin'.
Small Boy-Please, sir, dinna lick me
folk say I'm no a there.
Gamekeeper-Weel, | Gamma help that
I'll just lick what there Is o ye there.
The Irony lof Fate.-"why did you
never marry, Tom?'
"Well, you see, old man, when ! was
quite young | resolved l would never
marry until l found an ideal woman.
After many years l did find her
"Well. them"
''She was looking for an ideal man."
Putting Him Right.-Owner Of fishpond
Ito man who is trespassing)-Don't you
see that sign, NO fishing here?''
Angler-Yes; and ] dispute it. Why.
there's good fishing here. Look at this
basketful. The man must have been mad
who put that board up.
Visitor-Tommy. l wish to ask you a
few questions In grammar.
Tommy-Yes, sir.
Visitor-If / give you the sentence,
THE pupil loves his teacher" what is
that?
Tommy-Sarcasm!
He-You women have no right to the
ballot for the simple reason that in case
of war you would not be able to fight.
She-Then, why do you allow man who
Is a cripple to vote?
He-Why-er-if that isn't just like q
woman to ask some such fool question as
that.
"He done brought de trouble on hisse'f,'
said Mr. Erastus Pinkley. 81 treated him
laik er german. l did. twell he made re-
makhs bout mer singin'. Den / had tel
damage is beauty
what did he say?"
He said dat i had er fine tenor voice
Ony my mouf wus so big dat de echoes
got in an spilled de chune."
"Have you boarded long in this house,
inquired the new boarder of the sour, de-
jected man sitting next 10 him.
about ten years"
II don't see how you stand it. Why
haven't you left long ago."
mo other place TO CO." said the other
dismally, 1.-The landlady's my wife"
PA" asked boy of his paternal pro
genitor, man noted for his numerous
backslidings, what are souls made OF
generally"
What a question: was the response
81 am sure l don't know
But the minister said you thought you
knew"
"He did?"
"Yes; he said he guessed you thought
that souls were made of asbestos"
A story of Scotch honesty comes from
Dundee. A small boy had taken the priz,
for an exceptionally well drawn map
After the examination the teacher, q lit
tie doubtful. asked the lad:
''Who helped you with this map
James,"
Nobody, SIR
Come, now. tell me the truth Didn't
your brother help you?"
mo, sir; he did 1t ALL"
Here are budget of definitions illus
trating the unconscious wit of children
compiled by contemporary. Dust, "mut
with the juice squeezed OUT" salt. what
makes potatoes taste nasty when there
isn't any in" wakefulness, "eyes all tn,
time coming unbuttoned;" fan, 'somc
thing to brush the warm off with" sob
when feller don't mean to cry, and II
bursts out all by itself:' bearing false
witness, "when nobody amt done moth
| ing and somebody goes and tells"
"Then you saw some of those beauties
of the harem when In Constantinople
Colonel"
Colonel Hawhaw-I should say so
Came up In my caique one night along
side some janisaries trying to drown one
| of the sultans wives, who was sown vi
in "a sack by dropping her into the Bos
| phorus. l interfered, and they opened
| the sack and l caught a glimpse OF hei
| face, and
Auditors (breathlessly)-An then, Col
onel?
Colonel-I let her drown.
Our advertising manager speaks
! Oh, merchant in your hours of o g Q,
| If on this paper you shauld Gee,
Take our advice and be thrice wy.
| Go straightaway out an advert l 4 |.
Youth find the project OF some uuu;
| Neglect can offer no ex q q;
BE wise at once. prolong your da aa;
A silent business soon de k k k!
Those Tender Ways.
From the Washington Star.
See the woman.
Is she q beautiful woman?
She Is a beautiful, u foxy and mar
ried woman.
| Is the woman telling her husband tha
she loves him more than all the world?
That is the identical song she is giving
| him.