The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1895-06-07
THE BABY WOULDN'T CRY.

graphic Record OF Its Woe.
Here Is story they tell over the
teacups in Orange, N. j., where Edi-
son lives:
The phonograph came to the Edi-
son laboratory and the first baby to
the Edison home about the same time,
and when the baby was old enough
to say Goo goo" and pull the great
inventors hair In a most disrespect-
full manner, the phonograph was near
enough to perfection to capture the
baby talk for preservation among
the family archives. So Mr.. Edison
filled up several rolls with these pret-
ty inarticulations and laid them care
fully away.
But this was not sufficient The
most picturesque thing about the
baby's utterances was its crying. and
the record of this its fond father de-
termined to secure. How 1t would
entertain him in his old age, he
thought. to start the phonograph a.
going and hear again the baby walls
Of his frst-born.
So one afternoon Mr.. Edison tore
himself from his work and climbed
the big hill leading to his house. He
went in a great hurry, for he is man
who grudges every working moment
from his labor. A Workman follow
ed at his heels carrying the only pho
nograph that at that time had been
sufficiently completed to accomplish
really good results.
Reaching home and the nursery
Mr.. Edison started the phonograph
and brought the baby in front Of 1t.
But the baby didn't cry. Mr.. Edison
tumbled the youngster about and
rumpled its hair and did all sorts of
things. but still the baby didn't cry.
Then he made dreadful faces, but the
baby thought they were funny, and
crowed joyously. So back to the lab
oratory went Mr.. Edison in very un-
pleasant frame Of mind, for the baby's
untimely good humor had cost him
an hour Of work. The phonograph
was also taken back
But he did not give up. The next
afternoon he went home again, and
the phonograph with him. But IL
the baby was goodnatured the day be-
fore. this time Ii was absolutely cher
ubic. There was nothing at all that
its father could do that did not make
the baby laugh. Even the phono-
graph itself, with its tiny, whirring
wheels, the baby thought was meant
for its special entertainment, and
| gurgled joyously. So back to work
the inventor went again, with tenn
per positively ruffled. The next day
and the next he tried it, but all to
no purpose. The baby would not cry,
even when walked suddenly from
sleep.
But to battle Edison is only to in
flame his determination, which, by
the way, Is one Of the secreu Of his
success. So at length, aft~ much
thought. he made a mighty resolve.
1t took vast amount Of determination
on his part to screw himself up to the
point Of committing the awful deed,
but he succeeded at last, and one
morning when he knew his wife was
down town, he went quietly home with
the phonograph and stole into the nur-
sery, where the baby greeted him with
customary glee
Starting the machine Mr.. Edison Of
dered the nurse to leave the room
Then he took the baby on his knee and
barred Its chubby little leg. He took
the tender flesh between his thumb
and finger, clenched his teeth, shut
his eyes tight and made ready to
yes, actually to pinch the baby's leg.
But just at the fateful moment the
nurse peeped through the door, and
perceiving the horTid plot fiounced
in and rescued the baby in the nick
OF time.
Mr.. Edison breathed a mighty sigh
Of relief as he gathered up the phono-
graph and went back TO the laboratory.
He then gave up the project of phon-
ographing the baby's crying.
But not long afterward he accom-
plished his purpose after all, and quite
Unexpectedly, too. AS soon as the baby
was old enough to take notice" it's
doting mother took 1t down to the la
boratory one sunny day, and when the
big machinery was started a-roaring,
the baby screwed up its face, opened
its mouth and emitted series of woe
full screams that made Mr.. Edison leap
to his feet.
Stop the machinery and start the
phonograph" he shouted, the record
of his baby's crying was thep and
there accompllshed.-New York ticr-
aid.