The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1895-05-23

bamboo fish poles with German silver
JOINTS, don't ye? Why don't We go get
the table, If you're going to, fore
stiffen out here like a blamed old mum.
my and have to go into private col
| lection under exhibit Ar 4,
Mrs. Wigglesworth got back as soon
as possible, but not before her -hus-
bands arms had pulled out and he had
dashed the paper on the floor and was
stamping on it. Nothing relieves .
| man like stamping, so when they had
arranged the table-a mahogany table
with shiny top-beside the wall, and
put little hassock on top of it. MIR.
Wigglesworth felt sufficiently Modified
to snip off another length of the
Beardsley pattern and apply some more
paste to its posterior surface. maintai
ing a steady current of growing at his
wife, on general principles.
"Now don't be fool, this time," he
said, encouragingly, as they picked up
the paper and he laboriously climbed
to the polished surface Of the table
with it. Then he steppee; cautiously
upon the hassocl1 and stood there an in
slant, his knees wobIling painfully.
Gan you reacn?'' his wife called
from below. She was busy keeping her
part of the paste away from the ma
hogany table.
"Reach?" echoed Mr.. Wigglesworth,
in concentrated voice. "Wh:.t We
s'pose I'm up here for, anyway? Think
I'm addressing the county convention?
Want me to move an amendment in
favor of woman's suffrage. don't ve?"
Then the hassock turned slightly, as
the worm is said to do, and in catching
his balance and breath Mr.. Wiggles-
worth jcrked the paper out ofhiswisc's
grasp. The paper turneda smart corner
and tapped up against the wall AID
chung in cla1nmy and tenacious en-
brace
What We do that for?" shouted Mr..
Wigglesworth, as loud as the unccr-
tain hassocz would permit.
I'll didn't go to-" returned his
frightened wife, and with what alacrity
size was mistress of she unpeeled the
cold and dcathlike sheet.
Nov you let it alone, dye hear?"
warned her husband and acting upon
his direction Mrs Wigglcsworth re-
tired to the far side of the room, where
she watched him in I species of fascin.
alton. This is the tragedy that speedi-
ly unfolded itself before her:
Mrs. Wigglcsworth, feeling more and
more the treacherous character of the
hassock, held his knees at that angle
which gives to even the strongest man
an appearance of weakness. His arms
were thrust ont to their full capacity,
and, though at u distance, Mrs Wig
ellsworth could feel their dreadful
ache. First, her husband pressed his
end Of the strip close up to the bor-
der; the lower end caught on also at
the same instant. but III quite another
part of the room, and by the time Mr..
Wigglesworth had reached painfully
downward and fetched it loose, at the
same moment muttering something
that Mrs. Wigglesworth tried hard to
hear, but couldn't, distinctly, the up
per. end came away and tapped down
over Mr.. Wigglesworth's forehead,
leaving more paste there than his wife
had thought could be left on one fore
head in a single afternoon. Mr.. Wig
glesworth's comments upon this trans
action, as he frenziedly snatched at
Vic "C4C h'o oAltS C1CttIlp duul-
BILE to the wife, but even penetrated to
the hired girl, who promptly opened
the kitchen door to see if she might
not be able to hear still palmer Then
Mr. Wigglesworth, with an earnest
ness that nobody could avoid noticing,
spanked the moist side of that paper
against the wall and slapped it with
both hands till the creations of Aubrey
Beardsley's fancy ran all into each
other.
''Now fix the lower end" chirped
Mrs. Wigglesworth from the distance.
This was one of those things that
were better left unsaid. Mr. Wiggles-
worth had stood on that uncertain has
sock till his knees appeared perman-
emily fixed at half-cock, his arms were
stretched clean out of their legitimate
precincts, his head was bursting with
the hot air of the upper strata, and per-
SEPARATION glued his garments so close to
him that he appeared to have been
born that way. When this gratuitous
direction burst cooingly from his wifes
lips, he fetched a mad snatch at the
lower end of the paper, and on the in
slant the hassock, w it'll low. tiendish
chucl1le, turned over on the other side
Mr.. Wigglesworth had only time for
one yell, but it was full grown in area,
and then vaulted into the air. the
paper letting go it's hold and trans
ferring its affections to the falling for
tunes of the house of Wigglesworth,
and as that gentleman went sailing
through the atmosphere, the pa
per wound itself in sinuous folds
about him. till a stranger looking in at
the widow would have said that Mr..
Wigglesworth was an admira BILE living
picture reproduced from the Yellow
Book.
''Thats right!' he yelled, soon as he
could get to his feet and kick the has
sock through the door, 'stand over
there with your thumb in your mouth
and toeing .in-that's all you re good for.
Wha' dye let go that paper for?'' he
continued ShaEincr his fiSf +pxro ri %bo