The herald., 1895-11-25
Some of the Things That W0nId
Not Be Thusly
THERE WOULD BE CHANGES
There Would Be a New Chief Of
Police
The Fifth Ward Would Have Lots Of Fire
Alarm Boxes, and Police Stations
Would Be In Munson's Ward

''If really were the mayor of the city
of Los Angeles. which I am not, and
never intend to be, remarked President
Freeman G. iced of the city council, 81
should subscribe about six months of my
salary and some few indiscr mi nate
thousands more. towards the national
Republican conventionfund. | would also
have a Sunday closing policy. which
would not seek 10 60 behind the re-
turns.
II would make On order prohibiting
the superintendent of parks from turning
over the citv's conservatories to any of
my hosts of friends, unless had first re-
ceived gold blazoned invitation to their
various social affairs upon an onyx plat
ter STUDDED with diamonds. should
make = place upon the police free for
every taxpayer residing on Figusrua
street. no mater what his reli ion, natlv-
ity, politics or previous condition Of
servitude.
az should make hearts the only local
card same by ordinan e, and " ould in
voKethe power + the fire department to
prevent William E. Dunn from telling Il e
same funny story twice. or, If need be,
s:en once, or not at all. | should i'm
peach G unciman Thomas E. Sewage for
SO freque tly attpm ng sef-murder by
devoting too m UGH of his time to the city
interests, and l would favor the regu-
lat on of the tax levy so that all of the
city's bridges could he repaired uncer
the estimates OF the city engineer.
II should 'avor the thorough obtliterH-
ton OF = hideous thing known "a 9
social evil, :" continued Colonel lie d, "if
l were really the mayor, which | am not,
by combining with Liliokalani, who is
my very esteemed friend. to have the
fence removed to the Sandwich islands.
! should take the tax from the theaters
for the sake OF the Bcsto jaus, who, in
their periodical visits to this beautiful
city. no up jessie Bartlett Davis as the
mo pprfect example of o nsver-aseing
musical beauty on earth, ami l should
make Herman dc Laguna my private sec
retary. becarse Of lis knack OF getting
there without having to dis, lose the
identity of his principals"
The president of the council was warm
ing up to his subject
''It were really the mayor of Los An
geles. which OF course am not" and
Colonel Teed's face spread into one of
those smiles only encountered In his par
not hermit Martin Marsh to visit any
Office upon the second floor OF the city
hall without ffrnchise obtained from
the council for tina: particular purpose.
| should have fire alarm box upon
every door knob IN the Filth ward, and
all OF the police stations would be recom :
mended for location within block OF
the residence OF Councilman Frank Mum
son. should veto all OF the demands
for supplies which had not been person.
ally O.K.'d bv Charles A. Lucken bach
and should have Waltr f. Parker male
the captAin of the chain gang. should
have Theodore Bauer appointed chief OF
police and the force would be instrr ted
to lock up Guy Barbam if he was found
upon the streets after o'clock on any
evening.
"Ii was the mayor"--But by this
time the city hall was deserted and Col
onel Teed rincheG himself to see if hs
really was awake. The result was I'M
mediately apparent-,be reporter was
reused fror, a deep slumber.