The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1895-07-11
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-''Cholly believes in himself thor
oughly," said one girl. 'Yes," replied
the other; hes so credulous. "-Wash-
ington Star.
-Biggs- does Brown always
write his jokes on such thin paper?"
Diggs-'So the editor can see through
them, suppose. Albany Journal.
From Her Standpoint. He
do you like my new diamond scarf
pin?" She-''It would look much better
made over into a ring."-Detroit Free
Press
First SoJourner-"Do you always
get your meals on time here?" Second
Sojourner-"Yes; have to till some of
my friends show up. Pm deucedly glad
to see you. boston Courier.
-Lumleigh-"What makes you think
young Phether Waite is drummer for
a bicycle concern?" Any
body can see that. He carries samples
in his head. IN. Y. World
"A Lively Time. Shelf was play
ing whist also last night. 1t was the
first meeting of our Young Ladies'
Whist club" He-"I wondered what
made you SO hoarse Harlem Life.
-Helen-''How could you give up
Harry Haussman for Tom Waterman
You used to think everything of
Harry" Martha-"I know; but the
theaters are nearly all closed now,
and Tom has such a lovely yacht
Boston Transcript.
Visitor Ito attendant friar in the
refectory of convent)-"Are we al
lowed to smoke here?" Friar-"No,
sir" Visitor-''Then where do all
these stumps of cigars come from that
1 see lying about?" Friar-"From
those gentlemen who didn't ask. >
Tagliche Rundschau.
Putting Him on His Mettle.-
Doctor said the sick man, who is
painfully shrewd, II haven't a dollar
to leave to posterity; not a square inch
of real estate, nor a scrap of personal
property" II don't quite see how that
concerns me-" II dunno that it does
in particular. Only was hopin' that
I'd get well right soon SOS to hustle
around and earn money to pay your
bill. Washington Star.
"A New York undertaken, or funeral
director, as the reader may prefer, ad-
vertised for a driver for hearse, and
among the applicants he selected a
good-looking, strong fellow, with a
solemn couutenance, and took him into
his private office. Before employing
you" said the undertaken, ~ want to
know if You have had any experience
in this business?" well, l never
drove a hearse," admitted the ap-
plicant, but I've drove the next thing
to it, and l guess l can give you salts
faction" ''How do you mean? 1 don't
understand" and it was evident from
the undertaker's puzzled look that he
was speaking the truth. why" said
the applicant, with confidence, II drove
a rapid delivery wagon in Philadelphia
for seven years" He got the job.-N.
Y. Sun.
1t was a Tenpessee Methodist class
leader who had before him six
months, probationer whom he was
questioning for admission to all the priv
ileges of the church. well, Sambo,"
said the class leader, 81 hope you are
prepared to live a Christian life in ac-
cordance with your profession. Have
you stolen any chickens during the
last six months?" mo, sab! l done
stole no chickens" ''Have you stolen
any turkeys or pigs?" Sambo looked
grieved. mo, sah!' 81 am very glad
to hear this good report" continued
the class leader land / trust Won will
continue to live an honest, Christian
life" After church Sambo hurried
home with his wife, who had overheard
the catechising. When they were fair
ly out of everybody's hearing he drew
a long breath of relief and turned a
self approving glance to his better
half. "Golly," he said, in half-cau-
tlous whisper, ''ef he'd er said ducks I'd
ben a lost niggah, suah. "-Boston
Budget.