Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-04-25
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Curious and Laughnb1e Phases
of Human Nature Graphically ROE-
trayed by Eminent Word Arfista OK
Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun.
SprinkIes of Spice.

nothing but the rent" Nuwe0--"YON
wrong him, my dear. I'm sure he
never thinks of the rent in the roof
Judge.
Mrs. Trout, why do you look SO
l can't help worrying when 1 remeD-
Der that it's most fly time again. New
York Recorder.
Blobbs-"Do you think the average
man is as stupid before he marries as
he is afterwardsw Certain
ly, or he wouldn't get married.
Philadelphia Record.
"Chollie is a changed man. He sent
$40 to the mission in China last week"
''He must be changed indeed, or he
could never make $40 so Us far as thatp'
-Harper's Bazaar.
serious things" he said mournfully.
''Yes,' replied Cholly Luvlorn. 'She
even burns the poetry 1 write about
her. "-Washington Star.
Lipper-"T wonder why it is that Miss
Primper always takes such good care
of her complexion?' Chipper-''She's
SO conscientious; it isn't her own, you
know Cincinnati Tribune.
''Our first Impressions most readily
slip our memories" said the teacher.
ooh, l know whyr' shouted Johnny.
"Well, why?' "Our first impressions
are slippers "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
''And this-this is elocutionr' sighed
the poet, as the recitationist finished
his pet poem. Eyes, what did you think
it wasp Execution" returned the
poet, with a moan.-Harper's Bazaar.
Cholly Uppers- "Fwed, can you spare
me small bills for a temp Freddie
Heeled--"Suah, deah boy" Cholly-
Thanks, WEAKLY, I'll hand you the ten
to-morrow."-S Louis Globe Demo
crat.
Mrs. Rash-"How do you manage to
get your cook up so early?" Mrs. Dash
--"Well, l hunted up a young and good
looking milkman and hired him to come
at ock."-Louisville Courier jour
nal.
what is the matter with that man?"
asked the inquisitive small girl in the
theater. "The man sitting in the front
row." "Yes'm. The one whose hair
is too small for him."--Washington
Star.
Author-"What's the matter with the
dialect in that story? Isn't it plain
enough?" Magazine editor "Yes;
that's the trouble. Anybody can read
it without a glossary" -Somerville
Journal.
Impatient tourists Ito small boy fish
ing in the lake)-"You told us the boat
always left here at 4, and we have
waited now till past s." Boy-"Oh, it
doesn't begin to run till May."-Flie-
gende Batter.
Experience is the best teacher" re-
marked Flooding Pete. Eyes" re-
piled Meandering Mike; ''but my per-
sonal observation is that it's mighty
poor way ter study law."-Washingto
Star.
Wife Ito unhappy husband)-"I
wouldn't worry, John; it doesn't do
any good to borrow trouble" Husband
Borrow trouble? Great Caesar, my
dear amt borrowing trouble; 1 have
1t to colorado Sun.
Old Bache-'Thats handsome pair
of slippers you're wearing, Harry"
Harry-"They ought to be; I'm sure
they cost enough. My wife made them,
and then coaXed out of me the price or
a sealskin jacket" -Tid-Bits.
Stern Parent-"You tell me that you
love my daughter and wish to marry
her But how do you expect to live on
eight hundred year," Loving Swain
-"Oh. come, now, your income must
be more than thatr'-Boston Tran
script.
Clara-'EIow under the sun did Edith
happen to marry Mr.. Awkward p
| Dora-'He was the bane of her life at
every ball she attended, and presume
she married him to keep him from
wanting to dance with her" New York
| Weekly.
F, Judge Ito prisoner)-"Have you any
| thing more to say" Prisoner-"No,
my lord; only / would ask you to be
quick. please. as it is near the dinner
hour, and if l am to go to prison /
should like to get there in time for the
Francois Illustre.
! She-"Every one in town says we
are going to be married" He-"Well,
| it's true, isn't it," She (sobbingly)-
| ct can't be. Frederick. You must be
| deceiving me. If it were true every
! one in town would say we are not
| going to be married.
/ sBut he is so much younger than his
| wife," 81 know that, but then he Will
be much older ten years from now"
.sAs for that matter, won't she also be
much older?" "My dear sir, she is q
woman. Just you wait ten years and
Boston Transcript.