The Newtown bee., 1895-02-15
HUMOROUS SHAFTS
FROM THE LATE EDITOR BAILEY's PEN.

HUMOROUS SHAFTS FROM THE LATE EDITOR PALLETS PEN. l
 A Bethel man lost his vote in rather singular manner. He searched in all his pockets and took of his stockings and wrung them out, but couldn't find it, and had to get another.
 The sudden death of citizen of Slawson, on Tuesday, made deep im- pression upon one of his neighbors.e The day he was buried was the day he was going to show this neighbor good spot for sassafras.
 An aged and highly respected citizen on Main street was very much interest," ed in picture of what he thought was new kind of stone bruise, and expa- tiated to some length on the progress of medical science at this day, before he discovered that the engraving was draft of a fashionable sleeve trim ming for ladies. Then he laid down the book and swOre.
 A boy of tender years, whose parents live on Rabbit Hill, returned Saturday night from visit to his uncle's in the cou ltry, and Sunday morning got an augar and perforated bis fathers choice peach tree, and set out pail for the sap. When the old gentleman dis covered the preparations for the coming sugar season, he instituted an inyesti- gation, and the little boy, remembering Washington, went up in the garret and hid behind barrel. It will be some l weeks before he will be able to hide be- l hind barrel again.
 | Dr Hall says that when person has got nightmare he is in danger, and should be awakened at once. without any reference to the agency. In this l way doctors, we think, do a deal of harm. A young man named Mephitns was lying on his back. Sunday after noon, singing to himself, and with his l eyes closed in sort of ecstacy over his l efforts, when his father rushed into the room, and planted kick in the ribs of l the vocalist that sounded all over the house. The entire family were three hours bringing that young man back 1 to consciousness, but the trouble seems as nothing in view of the fact that he might have died had not his father come ! in as he did.
 A Danbury man imagined himself a l hen, and while under the influence o1 that conceit, sat down on a dozen eggs
 circus poster. His wife removed the l debris with the bald end of broom. One of the Danbury voters was unable
 to attend the polls, Monday, but sent his
 vote up by neighbours little girl. He was very much surprised to learn that il
 was not received. He told the little girl that it was quite evident the tradi tions of our fathers were being forgot ten, and that the country was going tt the devil with unreasonable velocity.
 Another match broken up. This wa:
 between clerk in well-known dry
 goods store and young lady on Essex street. It was so warm on Friday even ing that she had the parlor window up
 and he stood on the lawn, and they were cooing to each other, and he was jus reaching up for another kiss when the sash came down like flash, and knock
 ed off the peak of his nose and scalpee his chin, and he hopped around so mad ly and howled so dresdfully, that th' old gentleman thought he was drunl and had him kicked out of the yard witt a great deal of ostentation. Monday
 morning he went west.
 l Hearing that a stocking around the
 neck was good remedy for sore throat
 Danbury man tried it on going to bed
 but was obliged to get up in the nighl
 and put a slipping moose about his nose | There was an elderly gentleman wen
 ding his way to the barber shop Satur
 day afternoon. Coming from an op. posite direction was an unshaven man. The shop lay between them. The un- shaven man quickened his step; the elderly man struck into trot. Then the unshaven stopped to look into a window, and the elderly man came back to walk. Up started the unshaven man again, and the elderly man resumed 1 his trot. The unshaven man once more slackened up; so did the elderly man, Then the nnshaven quickened his gait. l and the elderly man once more struck into trot, and reached the door pant ing and pulling, as the unshaven man went by. And yet women are dissa'' fled with their sphere-[Frr
 Danbury News. Twenty