Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1895-10-25
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II was clever Englishwoman who,
when H. Blanc was mistaken ut
garden-party for page, replied:
"Well, NJ. Blanc is a pase-of history.
Learned men do not always nppre.
ciato the achievements Of theft rel
lows, Ii Is said that Il friend brought
Millions paradise Lost to d great
Scotch mathematician; who remarked
when he had finished 1t: IT'S verra
pretty; but mon what does 1t proven
\ Scotsman once neatly turned the
tables on an Englshman who had
been abiding to the number of Scots
in London. We'll" replied the Scot
Il know a place in Scotland where
there are thirty thousand Englishmen
who neysI go back to their own com
Try. Why wherever can such
crowd be-" said the Englishman, to
whom The Scot dryly remarked "at
RanRockburn.'
y young lady in charge of the cap
tain of 4 L, and o. bont had two suit.
OTIS. Oh board and a pug dog. The lat.
ter fell oyerhoard and one of her
s,wains instantly jumped after it into
the sea. The other confined himself
ID leaning over the side. and crying,
Poor doggie!' When the rescurer
came on board, dripping the young
lady turned to the captain and asked
him which of her two lovers, after
such an incident he would recommend
her to take He was a practical man,
and replied, take the dry one," which
she accordingly did
Among the bulls compiled by the
National Tribune as having been made
by members of congress in the heat
Of debate, are the fcllowingj a nlenis
Der in referring to ono OF his collea-
cues. said: THE gentleman, like Il
housing owl, is always putting in his
oar where it is not wanted In an
other speech occurred this expression:
''Ihe iron heel of stern necessity dark
ems every hearthstone." And another
member. in q very forcible aud dra-
matte manner, asked the house this
startling question: Would Won stamp
ont the last tickerlng cmbers of a life
that is fast ebbing .way?'
Ny Doctor said somewhat VOLT
bic lady, was writing hue 4 prescrip-
ton yesterday. | generally ask him
all sorts of questions while he is writ
ing them. Yesterday be examined me
and sat down to write something. |
Kept talking suddenly he looked up
ard said; How has your system been?
Hold ont your tongue. l put out that
member and he began to write. He
I h,,11 \
When he got through. he said: That
will do But said |, you haven't
looked at it, No. said he, i didn't
care to. ] only wanted to keep ii still
While wrote the prescription
The late Edward Beecher on one
occasion, was dining with friends and
Inadvertently swallowed a mouthful
of exceedingly hot coffee. llnnle-
d!atels lie deposited it upon his plate;
and, turning around, remarked: "A
fool would have swallowed it."
One day at the table of George the
Fourth. when Prince Regent, the roy
al host said: .'Why, Colman, you are
older than | am "Oh. no, SIR re-
Piled Cclman, II could not take the
Hoerty OF coming into the Wcrid be-
fore your royal highness.'
Once upon a time Lord Melbourne
visited the kitchen of the Reform Club
tSoyer seems TO have held a regular
levee there in the afternoon, and re-
marked to the great chef that his
haltl-maitlcns were remarkably good
looking. Soyer bowed with deep re-
srect and answered with gravity:
Yes, my lord: you sec, we do not
want plain cooks here.
\ Boston man travelling through the
South was obliged to stop over IN a
small town where there was but one
hotel, at which the accommodations
were hardly to be called elaborate.
When tie colored waiter brought his
dinner the Boston man found that
he was 10 have roast beef. stewed TO-
n'atoes. corn. peas. potatoes. and cof-
fee the vegetables served in the usual
stone china canoes. Presently he
said to the waiter, Dick. pass the
Spoons" The waiter rolled his eyes in
genuine amazement. Spoons. sab
What YOU want with the spoons:
There's 20 spoon in yo' corn