The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1895-02-05
PITH AND POINT.


Don't count your chickens till AFTER
yeou hev piezened the OF cat. -
Puck.
It's plaguey sight easier ter kick
up row than it is to parsify one. -
Puck.
If there were no fools in the world
the lawyers would all be out of work.
RAMS Horn
There is no financial transaction
among army officers when they change
their quarters. Truth
Don't believe that your wife asks
your advice because she thinks you
know.-Cleveland Plaindealer.
Instead of tanning the shrew," it
Is the shrew, apparent, who is Mt
tempting to tame us. London Truth.
learned too late, the Benedict said,
What man is slow TO understand,
That woman is onIythe weaker vessel
The while she yet remains UNNAMED.
Puck.
A Long Island man is SO fond of
fox chasing that ho has had n collar
button made in shape of fox
Statesman.
If there is language of flowers
what does n siX-inch-across chrysan-
themum say when it buttonholes
man?-Philadelphia Times.
o for n thousand tongues TO sing,
If doing this would craze
The girl upstairs with the mandolin
Who plays and plays and plays.
Chicago lnter-OceGn.
81 think I'll build wings to my
house." said the new settler in Kan
sas. ''Better not" replied the old
settler, "this is the cyclone belt. -
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Little Ethel-''What makes the
baby cry SOP" Little Dot-"Mqmma
snys it's cause he's getting teeth"
Little Ethel-"Thcy must be awful
bad fit. Good News
Pushper-"Do you suppose that +
could get n bigger price for my. poem
il / had it set to music?" Jolliem-
'"No. You'd have to sell it for n song,
then. Harlem Life.
"NVhat do you consider the most
original idea in my verses?" said the
modest poet. "Your idea that they
are poetry" replied the heartless edi-
tor. Washington Star.
Captain Lovelace-"But you GER
tainly were flirting with one of the
men in the ranks" Miss Coquette-
"Ah, yes But that was private af.
fair. Brooklyn Life
EYES," said Mis-. Shopper, 81
bought this dress at the bargain coun-
ter, but 1 am not sure that it was not
the shopkeeper vino made tho bar
gain. boston Transcript.
The Bore-"Oh, excuse me; didn't
know you were so busy or / wouldn't
have dropped in. When is your bIs-
lest timer" The Editor When
anybody calls. New York Press.
Manager-"Can you sing?" Pretty
Applicant-"N sir; not note.''
Manager "Well, that doesn't matter
much / want you for leading part
in n comic opera. "-Broollyn Eagle.
How wiltthe busy little moth
Employ each long, long day
Until tho nannels and fur5
Are once more packed away?
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Tired Jimmy -"Maam, couldn't
you help man out of work?" Mrs.
Pancake" Humph You look as if
you could keep yourself out of work
without help from anybody. "-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Friend-'If your wnsherwoman
charges by the piece it must be rather
expensive" Young Housekeeper-
ooh, mol She loses so many things
that her bills are never high New
York Weekly.
Mr.. Watts-'It seems queer that
elephants should be so afraid of mice. "
Mrs. Watts-'1 don't see anything
queer in it at ALL The elephant is
one Of the most intelligent OF quad
rupeds. Cincinnati Tribune.
mo" unused Mr.. Benedict, as no
sat down to do some repairing to his
clothes-"no, marriage is not fail
IRE When 1 was single it was an aw-
ful task TO thread % needle Now i
have wife and she threads 10 for me. "
New York Press.
lie (dinidently) 'Has your mother
spoken Of me at all?" She blush
ingly) -"She said if you attempted to
kiss rno I was torc3ist." He-"I-er
why, l wouldn't attempt to kiss YOU
for the world" She lcoldly)-
Hadn't We better go in. New York
Press.
Dashaway-''You say your sister
will be down in a minute, Willie.
That's good news. j thought, per-
haps, that she wanted to he excused,
as she did the other day" Willie
mot this time played % trick on
her. Dashaway what did YOU
doP' Willie ltriumphnntly) az said
on were another fellow. london
Wonder.
The official title of the Chief Execu.
tive Officer OF the United States is SIM