davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19

4 = = = ItIsiss more noble to make your
self great than to be born 80.
.ss- THERE'S great deal Of common
sense in getting scared in time.
The craving for applause is as
morbid as the craving for alcohol.
: The whisky habit is a mortgage
on the future with interest payable
every day.
= Silk is so cheap in Madagascar
that the poorest people wear clothing
made Of it.
For actual discomfort, disap-
pointmentin in love is nothing compared
to tight shoes.
- The man who gets rich at the ex-
pense of his conscience pays too much
for his money.
= The right kind Of religion never
has to go away from home to find
something to do.
Though 1attery blossoms like
friendship, yet there is great differ
ence in the fruit.
But one person in 10000 attains
the age of 100 years, according to iu-
surance statistics.
e- The capacity of the largest -four
ing mill in Minneapolis is said to be
Is, 300 barrels day.
Eighty millions of dollars is the
annual amount paid to school teachers
in the United States
- Iron is good for the blood, but no
man likes to have it administered in
the form of carpet tacks.
No man can succeed in business
without faith in the good as we'll as
the bad points of human nature.
= If you sneeze in Vienna cafe,
even strangers will remove their hats
and exclaim, Good bless you'll
- A striking countenance is not
always an evidence of brains. Con-
slider the VIM. goat, for instance.
"A man down in Georgia has
built number of houses which are
occupied by widows free Of rent.
= The deepest well on our Atlantic
coast is that at the silk works near
Northampton, Mass, depth 3,7OO feet.
The fellow who would have done
thus andssos if,he had been there is
the fellow who never gets there.
= It is an important time in
man s life when he tells his first lie
but he rarely finds out when that is.
Queen Victoria has signed the
bill making full woman suffrage in
South Australia an accomplished fact.
"A young man named Bartholo-
new Benjamin Iverson Jones recently
went West to make name for HIM
self.
- Near Austin, Tex, while man was
hoeipg in field be cursed the hot wealth
er and blaspbemed terribly Before he
left the field he was .paralvzed and has
kept his room ever since. The neighbors
declare that the man was punished in
this way for his blasphemy.
-Engravers in Germany harden their
tools in sealing wax. The tool is heated
to whiteness and plunged into the wax,
withdrawn ia an instant and plunged in
again, the process being repeated until
the steel is too cold to enter the wax.
The steel is said to become after this pro-
cess almost as hard as the diamond.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19

They are telling funny story at the
expense of Colonel Earl Brewer, who is
contesting with Captain I. T. Blount for
a seat in the Mississippi senate. In the
heat of q recent debate, Captain Blount
declared that money was no object with
him, and that all he wanted with the Office
was to use il for the service Of the dear
people. Colonel Brewer, on the other
hand, said be meant business. He was a
business man. He wanted to serve the
people on q business basis. that is to say,
for what there was in 1t. Captain Blount
replied that if it were really true that
Colonel Brewer VISA out for the "stnff," :"
and nothing else, he, Blount, would give
him the $500 Brewer would earn If elected
Senator. Brewer snapped up the offer
and Blount at once wrote his check 'or
the amount, which Brewer accepted and
retired from the contest, leaving the
senatorship at the mercy Of Captain
Bount. This happened week ago; and
now comes Colonel Brewer raging in the
field, declaring that upon taking the
check to the bank in Water Valley be
feather when the cashier loftily remarked:
"No funds" Tho colonel declares he is
again in the race to a finish, or until such
time as Captain Blount makes the check
good.
We seldom, if ever. hear ofpeople
cooking by the heat of the sun, but that
is Just what was done in Salisbury, N. c.,
recently. A young lady took advantage
of the hot day and tried this novel ex-
pertinent. She successfully fried an egg
in the sun, and that, too, with tin cover
over the frying pan! The egg fried as
nicely as if done on stove.
TASK a class of Japanese students" !"
says Lafcadio Hearn, ''young s,ndents OF
fourteen to sixteen-to tell their dearest
wishes, aud if they have confidence in
the questioner, perhaps nine out of ten
will answer; sTo die fer his Majesty,
our Emperor And the wish scars from
the heart pure as any wish for martyrdom
ever born"
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
KNEW The PORTRAIT.
Rover and the Picture of His Dead
Master.

Rover and the Picture of His Dead
Master.
Since the painting of that famous
bunch of grapes with which Apelles
is said to have deceived the fowls OF
the air, it has been an undecided
question whether animals recognize
fac-similes in pictures. 1t is certain
that they sometimes recognize por-
traits.
The young master of beautiful
collie dog suddenly died. The dog
was inconsolable. For weeks he
roamed about in search of the lost
one exhibiting the mute and touch
ing grief that animals sometimes
show for the dead.
One day portrait of the boy was
brought home, and it was proposed
to bring Rover in to see if he would
recognize it. The moment he came
into the room the portrait caught
his eye, and he sprang forward with
o joyful bark, reaching up to touch it
with his paws.
When he found that it was only
an inanimate surface his disappoint-
ment was pitiful to see.-N. Y.
Tribune.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
Might Hit Some One.

Down in Georgia, recently, a Pres
byterian minister received a visit
from a colored pastor, who wanted
counsel.
''Well, sir, it's jest this way" said
he; Use done preached myself
plumb out. Use worked on election,
sanctiication, predestination till I
couldn't say another word to save
my life" His white brother sug-
gested that he should preach SER
mon, by way of change, on "Thou
Shalt Not Steal for a text. ''Well,
boss, dat certainly is a good text;
but I'm mons'ous 'fraid it will pro-
duce q GOODNESS in the congrega-
tion. Chicago Standard.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
The Prevailing Craze.
"Is your sister at home, Johnny
s.No. sir: she hasn't returned from

"Is your sister at home, Johnny?
''No, sir; she hasn't returned from
the academy yet.
"What academy"
"Why, haven't you heard that
she's au instructress at the bicycle
school-teaches the women how to
ride and sells them bloomers and
things?"
"Well, are your father and mother
iu?"
''No, sir; they are out in the park
on their tandem tricycle."
''Your brother Bob is travelling,
isn't he?"
"Yep; he's with one Of the big
racing teams. I tell you, he's o
-a-jack. Wins bushel Of
dimonds and gold cups every week. !"
"And where are the twins?
They've got Rover, our dog, out
in the barn and are teaching him to
ride the new quadricycle, which has
just been Invented for household
pets"
"But how does it happen that you
are not riding q wheel, too?"
'Sprained my ankle in training
for the road race. Buffalo Express.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
French and English.

Those who have grown weary and
perplexed over the peculiarities OF
the French language, and who have
wished that our parents and school
teachers did not consider that Ian
guage necessary to our education,
will rejoice at this item from an
English newspaper, which shows
that the Frenchman has as hard a
time mastering our tongue as we
have in mastering his.
According to the story three
French boys were studying q vol
ume of Shakespeare in their own
tongue, their task being to render
portions of it in English. When
they came to Hamlet's famous solil-
oquy, "To be or not to be-" their
respective translations were as fol-
lows:
l. "To was or not to am.
2. ITO were or is to not"
3. "To should or not to will. -
Harpcr's Round Table.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
HOTEL STORIES.
Humorous Bits Gathered at Missouri
Hostefries.

HosteTries.
When there are only two hotels in
a small country town the entente
cordiale is quite frequently strained.
For instance:
It was in Missouri. There had
been q sudden influx of trade and
the register contained six names,
the record for the year. 1t was the
evening of the second day, also sup
per time. The first man in the
dining-room noticed the absence of
the butter. Quoth he to the belle
of the Ozarks, who was distributing
prunes and other delicacies:
''Kindly give me some butter"
The belle of the Ozarks paused q
moment. Then she decided to make
clean breast of the whole affair.
''I'm sorry, sir, but we amt got
none. There's none in town, ex-
cept at the other hotel, and they
won't let us have none. They're
Jealous because we've got you gents.
Will you have some apple butter?'
The humor in O small hotel IS not
always furnished by the people who
live therein. In one case, also in
Missouri, it was the letter head of
the institution that furnished a
smile. It was built something like
this:
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
relief it brought. I had been pierced

relief it brought. I had been pierced
through the ankle by rifle ball.
"When night fell; while We still
held our lines, we were whipped. 1t
had begun to rain, with sad, hope.
less drizzle that took the heart out of
a man. I was lying on some blankets
in one corner Of negro cabin. Over
in another corner, under blanket,
lay my dearest friend, dead. All
about were wounded men /; the doctors
had turned the place into a hospital.
At last doctor whom I knew came in.
"We'll have to take off your leg"
"'Ncyer while I'm alive, replied.
I'm too young to talk about going
through life on one leg
''Thcn he told me the army would
have to retreat that night; that he
had no ambulances; no means OF
transportation. The wounded, inclu-
ding myself, would have to be left be-
hind. They would be prisoners to the
Yankees.
Gall at once, like landslide, [
thought of Butler and that newspaper
account of my firing on the gunboat
after it had surrendered. made sure
Butler would hang me like dog, once
he got hands on me. 1t was at this
juncture when l. determined he
shouldn gctme. Twas as strenuously
against hanging as against amputation.
"We were on an old sugar plantation.
Before the fight I'd seen some rough
two-wheeled sugar carts. lmade them
hustle about and get me mule, a
negro and sugar cart. They band
aged my leg and put me in. The last
thing the doctor did was to give me a
two-ounce bottle of morphine and show
me how to take it. Then he. said
'good-by,' and I could see that he
thought it was forever. He probably
figured that if the Yankees didn't kill
me the morphine would.
Gall that night, all the next day,
all the next night, that rough cart
jolted on through the rain. For a
whole 36 hours I lived on morphine.
At tlast we got to Shreveport. When
I was lifted out of the cart my ankle
was swollen to elephautine size. But
| escaped Butler, and I had not tainted
away in battle, and these two reliefs
almost made the rest easy. got back
into Texas, and at last was well again.
AS soon as [ could sit in saddle |
was back with my battery again in
time to take part in campaign against
General sCanhy-who was afterwards
killed by the Modoc, Captain Jack
im New Mexico. We left Texas with
over 5000 men, and on our return
eight months, later mustered fewer
than l 1,OOO."
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
STOLE HIS NEleHBoR's TROUT.
Malodorous Devics of One Angler
for Stealing Fish from Another.

for Stealing Fish from Another.
Out on Long Island there is
trout stream celebrated for the size
and number Of its fish, says the New
York World. Year after year great
broad-backed, red-spotted fellows
have been taken from it's pools, and
any man who gained permission to
cast fly anywhere on It's dimpled
reaches was sure OF days good
sport. But at the beginning OF. this
season the angler with the privileges
at the lower end of the stream
caught few fish and small. Every
known fly and bait Of all kinds were
tried, but still fish were scarce.
From the headwaters OF the brook,
however, came reports of great
catches of large fish. The man at
the lower end of the stream couldn't
understand it until last week he
went prospecting. Far up the brook
and on the brink of deep pool he
ran afoul of an awe-inspiring odor.
After shifting about bit he dis
covered that it emanated from o
cornucopia Of oilcloth hanging from
twig that overcast the pool. About
this oilcloth buzzed myriad OF flies,
and ever and anon beneath the
swarm huge trout broke the still
water of the brook with splash.
The curiosity of the angler was
greater than his sense of smell and
he investiga ted. He found the corn
ucopia contained the heart and liver
Of beef creature, dead many days.
1t was alive with fat grubs and as
they dropped one after another into
the pool the trout rose and grabbed
them. When the angler saw this he
knew why there were no trout in the
lower end of the stream. He pros
pected further and up the stream
found dozen similar devices.
When he had located all Of them
he tied handkerchief over his nose
and, stringing all the cornucopias
on o stick, carried them below,
where he set them up over his own
waters. In two days all the trout
in the stream were feeding around
the pendant hearts and livers, and
when the man at the upper end of
the brook turned up for days fish
ing he found that his fish had
vamoosed. He found, also, that the
other had carted away the bait and
now the two don't speak as they
pass by.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19

AT Greenville, n. c., short time
ago man and wife disr. freed. The breach
between them widered, until q separation
was elected Gn cash basis, the consid-
Grafton being SiCO cash paid the husband
by the wife for him to leave and never
return, except to get his household effects.
Papers were signed and he left. Return
ing few days thereafter for his goods,
the wife's heart softened toward him.
But he was firm. Negotiations tor him to
remain were opened. and the result was
that he demanded and received $500 in
cash not to leave a. per contract. He
didn't leave any more, and $500 is right
GOOD money for one week.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
WE ARE
NO DAMP FOOLS !

THOUGH some high-priced mer-
chants feel the cold water our Low
Prices have dashed on them. Weare
still in the ring for business, and con.
gratulate ourselves on the wonderful
growth of our business under our
motto: "a quick penny is better than
a slow dollar"
We have on hand all unusually
cheap and pretty line of Dress Goods,
Calicoes, Bleachings and Domestics,
Plaids, Shoes and Hats, and every
body knows that we always keep the
best and cheapest Flour on the mar
ket. Several hundred barrels of it
we propose to sell cheaper than any
house in town. lVe mean business.
Our J. X. No. 2 Coffee and Little
Reaper Tobacco nee'l no words of
praise from us-our customers attend
to that.
We have on hand a lot Of Corn,
Bran and Meal, on which we can
save our customers money.
For Sugar, Lard, Bacon, Canned
Goods, Salt and other groceries, see
us always before buying.
DEAN & RATLIFFE,
wa, City Delivery Wagon,
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
Rucklans Arnicn SalYe.

The best salve in the world for Cuts
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rh cum,
Fever Sores, letter, Chapped Hands,
Chilblains, Corns, and all Skin Erup
tions and positively cures Piles, or no
pay required. 1t is guaranteed to give
perfect satisfaction, or money refund
ed. Prise rs cents per box. For sale
nv Hill Bros
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19
A Singular Death.

GRIFFIN, GA, juno 4.-This morning
about $50 clock Mr.. Archie Mcfarland
was killed in peculiar way. Heusually
tied his COWS out in a vacant lot in the
rear of the Episcopal Churcn for pastur-
age. This morning, while taking them
from his home, the animals became frac-
tious and started to run. In some way
the rope by which they were secured
wrapped itself around the old mans neck
and jerked him down upon his face into
shallow ditch that runs along beside
the sidewalk. His neck WAS broken By
tho fall and he died in a very few min
utes.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-06-19

IT. NJ. EMERSON,
Asst. Gen'l. Passenger gent.
). Z. KEsLaY General Maaagar.
TN zHRRSea Traac Mxhagat.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1895-07-18
What Dresses to Take on Visit.


How much luggage you must take
when going on visit depends on the
length OF the visit and the number OF
engagements it will include. AS a
rule, in our chargeable climate you
will need, in going away from home,
something thick and something thin.
A trunk is a great comfort, though
one can manage with large bag or a
telescope, while mans suit case
lends itself finely to the folding OF o
girl's gown.
With two or three pretty shirt waists
and a nice skirt, a simple dress for
evenings, and warm stuff costume
OF serge or a flannel for cool or rainy
mornings, a girl will be supplied ioi
every neeiful requirement. Ones
own dainty home wardrobe is suffici
eut for visit, AID il the sailor hat be
trim, the shoes and gloves in order and
the glrl carry herself gracefully, no
body will think second time abou
her dress.
AS soon as possible after journey
lay aside your travelling dress. ant
make fresh toilette before joining
the family. Try to ascertain th'
family habits, and conform to them.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1895-07-18
Lone Women.

The CHEEKY single woman has her
work in her home as long as that
blessing is spared to her, and when
she is left without near and dear ones
she finds that she can be comfort to
others and do good service in various
helpful ways social, personal and
charitable. Mothers soon learn that
she is one OF their faithful aids, and
proud OF the title of Parents Assistant.
Little children love her, as she enters
into their amusements and sympa
thizes with their small grieis, frolick.
ing as merrily as the gayes' sprite
among them, and always ready to
bind up the wounded heart or the cut
finger. Young men and maidens con
fide their pretty secrets to her discre.
tion, and older people enjoy the deli
cate attentions which she delights 20
bestow. Should work be stern
necessity of this spinster's life, she
must often find herself overweighed
with cares and anxieties but, to her
credit be it said, there is almost never
the inclination to indulge in vain and
useless repinings, Thus the real lone
woman is not the one who persistent
ly and cheerfully conquers the diff
culties OF a solitary life, meeting its
trials with disarming smile, and
guarding herself against falling into
that inefiably dreary state which i,
meant by the designation; nor is il
she who, debarred from all activity by
ill health, possesses in perfection the
rare art Of self-effacement, and who
TRANQUILITY and deity fiss "o~oslf tC
her perpetual maidenhood."
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1895-07-18
WORDS OF WISDOM.

Patience is the key of content
Mohdmmed.
Command is anxiety; obedience,
ease Pdleg.
Merry larks are plowmon's clocks
Shakespeare.
After victory strap the helmet
tighter.-Jdpanese.
Minds which never rest are subject
to many digressions. s.-JOuben.
The sure way to miss success is to
miss the opportunity Chasles.
Opinion is medium between
knowledge and ignorance.-PlatO.
1t is the penalty Of fame that man
must ever keep rising. Chaplin,
| have g aat hope of wicked man,
slender hopv II q mean man-Beecher.
The pursuit even of the best things
ought to be calm and tranquil
Cicero.
Fiction is a potent agent for good
in the hands of the good.-llme. .Necker,
There are some people who give
with the air OF refusal.-Queen
ChriStianG.
The shortest way to do many things
is to do only one thing at once
Smiles.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1895-07-18
Bee Hive for shoes
Cold Dishes for Hot Weather.

Potted Salmon.-Split, scale and
clean the salmon, but do net wash f;
rub with salt, and drain off the mois-
ture; season with pounded mace,
cloves, black pepper, and cayenne
pepper. Cut the salmon into small
pieces, lay them in pan, and cover
with melted butter. Bake, drain from
the fat, put the pieces into pots and
cover with clarified butter.
Salmaguudi. Wash and open two
picked herrings; remove the meat
from the bones, being careful not to
break the skin, and keeping the head,
tail, and fins on it; mince the fish
with the breast OF chicken, the yolks
of two hard boiled eggs, an onion, a
boned anchovy, q little grated ham OF
tongue season with oil, vinegar, red
pepper, and salt; fill up The herring
skins SO that they may look plump
and shape carefully. Ga,nish with
parsley. and serve with mustard.
Salmon Jelly.-Break the salmon
into flakes; season with allspice, nut
meg, salt and pepper; fill mould
with alternate layers OF the salmon
and aspice jelly. Turn out on fla
dish, and garnish with lettuce leaveI
and hard boiled eggs.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1895-07-18
The New Baby.

Politics does not enter into the con.
gfatulations Of the nation to President
and Mrs. Cleveland. 1t is a spontane-
GUS tribute to the most wonderful, the
most beautiful, the dearest object
nature sends to earth, the new baby.
For the young mother, whose gracious
presence has SO admirably adorned
the national capital, every American
heart feels kindly and every American
mother in the land wishes her happi
ness in her latest treasure. Papa
Cleveland is to be congratulated on
possessing as jewels for the crown of
his home three graces, and the coun
try al large is to be congratulated be-
cause the new baby is like every 9th
er new baby, and with mamma is the
idol OF the household.
The advent OF a new baby sends a
thrill of delight through the home OF
the very poor as we'll as the home OF
the comfortably we'll off and the
wealthy. All men and women of all
conditions in life receive the tiny one
with open arms and loving hearts.
Every hand is extended to help and
protect, and every prayer carries the
hope that all will be we'll. The marvel
of new life loses none of its vivid at
tractiveness. 1t was a wonder to the
wise men who gathered about the
manger, and it is a wonder today, a
blessing, a treasure beyond price, and
an idol firmly planted upon the throne
of eternal affection.
May the Cleveland new baby, to-
gether with Godfather Joseph Jeffer.
son, Give long and prosper" Chico.
90 Record.