Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-08-21
~ o1RctNf6 rRrr pRrSs~-rHE OLD FAMILY JOURNAL.
Tirgiuia FREE gress.


NllE-N ltM MUAANH -
they will be treated more respectfully. He
more often, no doubt.
THE coming woman doesn't seem 10 ar
rive" said Biuks. NO." said Tubley shes
probably putting on her hat"
Eunice-There's no marrying or giving
in marriage in Heaven. Madge-Don't
take such a hopeless view of your case.
The campaign ofeducation isstiil in pro-
gress." said McSwilligen to Squildig. "So|
"Yes delegates are being instructed"
Uncle Tom-what was your brothers rec
ord in college, Maria? Maria with PRIDE
One hundred yards in 9 4 . seconds.
Most men, no matter how selfish they may
be in some things, are too generous to keep
more than one or two of the Ten Command
ments.
"Nature," said Uncle Eben, 'doan' neber
bestow all her gifts on one indiviiile. De
lightnin' bug ain got no singer, an de skeet-
er ain got no lamp"
Kindly Old Gentleman-Ah, little girl,
are YOU going somewhere? Little Girl with
amazing superiorityl-You don't suppose |
could 20 nowhere, do you?
Doctor-What's the patients pulse ?
Nurse-Twenty.fv five. Doctor-Heavens.-
Why, the man won't live an hour. Nurse
This man is from Philadelphia.
Rural Housekeeper-You are late this
season? Familiar Tramp-Yes, mum
had ter come by a roundabout way, to avoid
tn folks wot offered me work last year.
Don't you find it rather lonely here ?'
asked Cholly, with nobody TO talk to ?"
"Yes," she replied, with a vacant look into
space, "and it is getting worse every min
ute"
She-Surely, my dear, you will consider
the matter carefully before consentiog to
Clara marriage to old Mr.. eastman. He
Certainly. | shall have his books exam
ined by an expert
Agent haye called madame, to see if
| could sell you % summer cottage at Fash
ion Beach. Mrs. Suddenrich with crush
ing dignity We kin afford to go to a reg
lar boardin' house.
Miss Mildmay-I am sure that there Is
good i'm Mr.. SpOOner. He certainly is very
tender-hearted Miss Frost-Yes, he has a
heart that has been rendered to about every
unmarried woman in town.
Goblet don't think the landlord Of the
Ocean Bar House liked what | said to him
before | went out bathing. Stanc-What
was that ? Cobble-I asked him if there
were any other sharks around.
Mrs Trott-OhI only went into town
on a shopping tour. Mrs. H.reote-Did you
Tell me about it; did you have q real good
time? Mrs. Trott- Not at all. | found
what | wanted in the very first shop | went
into. Mrs. Streete-How provoking
Ajuror having appealed to a Judge to be
excused from serving on account Of deafness
the Judge said Could you hear my charge
to the jury, sir ~ YES, | heard Your Hon
or charge" said the juror, but couldn't
make any sense out fit" He was excus.
ell.
Here" complained the aggrieyed father.
81 have spent nearly $4,000 on that girls
education, aud now she goes and marries a
$500 a year clerk" "Well, said the friend
ofthe family, isn't that all of Is per cent. on
your inye,tment7 What more do you
wanty'
Hit mus be 1t heap Of expense tea keep
sech a lot er chickens" said Erastus Pinkly,
as he stopped at the gate to cast 4 glance at
Farmer Corntossel's poultry yard. 'Oh not
such a greddeal, " replied Farmer Corntossel.
"What an de principal items Of expense q"
Powder an shot"
"Tm sorry. Colonel. said the foreman to
the veteran editor, but your editorial on the
death of Major short is no good" "What
do o mean, sir?' "He's done got we'll"
That's bad But Just switch it around to
his grandfather. I'm certain he's dead, for
1 killed him myself"
Mrs. Citybrcd Just arrived at the country
farm)-What well behaved children you
have, Mr.. Korniossel! Kornto,sel-Yes,
they're well enough now but YOU should
see them in the fall. After watchin' the
ways of the city folks all summer, they're
that sarcy and peaft there's no liyiu' with
'em.
do your worst she whispered, hoar.e-
". His heart failed him. do your worst -
The fateful words rang in his ears, and he
was Just as anxious as his wife to get rid of
the company whohad called, but be conclud-
ed at the Jas. moment TO do his worst but
one. Accordingly he played, but did not
sing.
The Patient Fish.-First Fish-How are
sou getting along? Second Fish-No luck
st all. The man at the end of that line Is a
chump, or else he's Is full as a goat. First
Fish-Whati Is the trouble ? Second Fish
i took the bait off his hook an hour ago,
and I've been waiting ever since for him to
put some more on.
Tit,lo T,cL ,rovs everv NIGHT for all the