The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1895-09-01
HOO HOO DAY APPROACHES.
THE MOST WONDERFUL OF BROTH
ERHOODs PREPARES FOR
SEPT. ..
The Shark of the UnIverse-TO Him
VIII KneeI 1000 Hoo HOOs to Do
Him Honor and the BOjum VIII
Crown the Cusfocaffan.

/
New York. Aug. 31.-Hoo Hoo day ap-
proaches. This can be an unimportant
announcement only TO those to whom the
fame OF a mighty secret order is unknown.
Hoo Hoo day is the ninth day OF the ninth
month Of the year. The annual meeting
begins the ninth minute after p. m. on
| that day. The initiation fee is 1888. and
the annual dues are 80 cents. Brethren
are known as kittens. The symbol Of the
order is a black cat with back and tail
up, chosen because Of its traditional nine
| lives. The membership is limited to 1888
members. and at this date it is almost
made up.
These details may suggest to the average
mind that the Hoo Hoos are a fanciful
lot and that their existence in no sense
! implies an addition to the sobriety of ma
tiOns, but that notion is erroneous. Far
from being impractical, the organization
of the Hoo Hoos has applied itself to the
! solution of the mightiest problems affec-
ting the mind of men. At this time its
| influence extends to every region of our
common country, on the altar Of which
every Hoo Hoo is bound by oath to sacri-
! fee life. liberty. nay honor itself.
1t may be wei to explain at this point
that the Hoo Hoos owe allegiance in their
official capacity to the Shark of the Uni
verse, who is the highest earthly author
| ity recognized by the kittens. The name
of this digntary is William Eddy Barnes
| and his residence is st. Louis. The poten-
tate is one OF the most affable Of men and
| 1t is to his influence chiefly that the phe-
nomenal growth of the order-it was
founded in 1891 by nine travelling lumber
men. detained at Kansas City on ac-
count of railroad wrecks mainly due.
Mr.. Barnes has been unanimously re-elec-
| ted to his lofty post on every occasion Of
| the assemblage of litter-a group of kit
tens is technically so-called-and the pros
1 poets at this writing is that he will con-
tinue to exercise his altitudinous func-
| lions. There are now twenty-four vice re-
/ gent Sharks for as many states and terri
/ tories.
AS a matter of historical record 1t be-
comes important to state in this place
| the ceremonies and the order of business
to be gone through with on the approach
| ing Hoo Hoo occasion. In the first place
| the Shark of the Universe will place him
| self upon a throne made out of lumber
and his suite will surround him. This
| suite is of the most imposing order. As
| sembled about the throne of the Shark
will be the Senior Hoo Hoo, who is Mr..
| James f. Defbaugh of Chicago. lmmedi-
ately opposite the Senior Hoo Hoo will be
| the Junior Hoo Hoo, who is known to the
world at large as Carl +. Drake of Austin,
Tex, although to kittens he is the sub
| lime Potentate of the IllustriOus Left
| Paw The Bojum, by virtue of his Office,
stands at the left of the Shark s
throne. The Bojum is Alison a. White and
he halls from the same direction of the
| earth's surface as does the Shark, that is
to say, he lives in St. Louis.
The secretary of the Hoos Hoos is
] denominated in the feline vocabulary Of
| the kittens, the Scrivenoter. His is a
| great responsibility. This assertion Is
made on the authority of person who
also lives in st. Louis when he is not
/ travelling for a lumber firm or doing somc-
thing else. His name is Smith-George
X. Smith, and he is proud of 1t. The
Smiths are in reality descended from that
| Tubal Cain whom the historians allude
| to in measured phrases as-but the reader
! will doubtless prefer to consult the Hoo
| Hoo ritual whence these details are pur-
| Joined Meanwhile the Scrivenoter de-
serves the thanks of all who now for
! the first time learn of the Hoo Hoo, for
/ it is by his gracious permission that these
! things appear here.
The Bandersnatch takes in such cash
| as happens to stray Hoo Howard. He
! once had enthusiasm, but now he is more
| practical. He defines his mental atti-
| tude toward life by the assertion that ne
| knows better by this time. Be this as it
may, the Bandesnateh on Hoo Hoo day
| viii report to the Shark of the Universe,
| PROSTATE on his knees and unfolding IN
/ his left hand kitten by the tail
In addition to the dignitares enumer-
ated above, the Hoo Hoos boast an Ar
canoper The functions OF this official
constitute the sublime secret which il
| is the aspiration of every Hoo Hoo Ill
timateIy TO discover. An exact fac smile
| of his signature is a sure guard against
sudden death, having been so decreed by
the Supreme Nine. The Supreme Nine
| is another Hoo Hoo expression, and is
| applied to the officials or the order in
their aggregate capacity The remain
ing two of this lofty coterie are termed
| respectively the Custoeation and the Cur
| don. Their duties can never be revealed
| to anyone who has not been nine years
! a Hoo Hoo and who has not nine times
| on the ninth day of nine successive
| months pronounced the word nine on
nine different occasions.
1.-The health, happiness and long life
| of its members" declares the constitu-
ton, shall be the object of the exist
| ence of this order. Membership is rig
| idly restricted to the following classes
of persons: Lumbermen, general Off
GERS and general and assistant freight.
| passenger purchasing and claim agents,
commercial travellers, soliciting and con-
tracing agents of railroads, trainmas-
ters, train dispatchers and train conduc-
tors of railroads and all connected with
the saw-mill industry. In addition to
| these particulars the information is af-
forded that aid is extended to distressed
Hoo Hoos or their families as occasion
| requires. The official title of the order
is "Concatenated Order of Hoo Hoo
and its incorporate existence is the free
| gift of the state of Kansas.
The ritual transcends in beauty. the
Hottest conceptions of the sublimest poets
| with the exception of Homer. This fact
is substantiated by the Hoo Hoo manual
which makes the statement positively.
| When the kittens meet they make them
| selves known to each other by a series OF
| mysterious signals. 1t is difficult for out
siders, however, to be sure of the identity
of any human being from the Hoo Hoo
point of view as the most solemn oath
binds all kittens to hide the fact of their
being kittens. Thus the governor of Mis-
souri, and the Vice President of the Unit
ed States of America, have been accused