The morning times., 1895-09-08

y.
A friend of mine who happened to be in the
hotel at the time, told me all about it and
nc said he never saw a man so full of grief
as Cy. seemed to be when he walked into
the hotel with six men carrying the coffin
after him.
After Cy. had registered his name he
says to the clerk. should like to have that
coffin placed in my room for the night
what's in it?' asked the clerk.
The remains of my beloved wife's
mother says Cy., in a broken sort OF
voice.
That settles It, said the clerk Sorry
to disoblige you, but We can't allow no
remains in no room in this house Wen
put your good lady out in the woodshed,
where she'll be perfectly comfortable;
but this amt no cemetary nor yet no under
takers shop, and we don't furnish accom-
modations inside OF the hotel for any
body's remains
But says Cy., she's all right. She
was embalmed by the best embalmer in
this section, and there's no earthly Tea-
son why / shouldn't have her in my room.
She'll give less trouble than most or the
women you take in
I've said my say said the clerk.
This is hotel for live folks, and not for
remains. III you don't like our rules all
you have to do is TO leave
"Cy. stood reflecting for a minute, and
then he eleans over and whispers Co the clerk,
who burst out laughing, and said, ''Oh,
very WE'LL That alters the case. Consid-
ering the character of your remains l don't
mind letting them go into your room
A Ind "a n ba coll II haI IL.
and they carry Cy.'s mother -in-law up
three pairs Of stairs; and pretty hard work
they must have found it.
THE next day but one my train got To
spartansviile an hour and a half late
You see that the accommodation train
had gone off the track down past
below spartansvilIe through getting
mixed with pair of oxen and a had of hay
that was trying to cross the track ahead OF
it, so we had to lay up till the track was
clear. a little while before we were ready
to start l saw Cy. Truefit come on to the
platform with his coffin following behind
him on a truck. He seemed a little aston
iShed at seeing me, and didn't mind letting
him see that 1 was astOnshed TO find that
he hadsn't buried that coffin yet
What does this mean, Cy-?' says l.
Amt you never going TO get your remains
comfortably under the grOund?'
Couldn't bury her at Spartansville,'
said Cy. The cemetery was closed for re-
pairs; so am taking her down u Smyrna,
where I've made arrangements to have the
funeral o-morrow.'
4 never heard of closing a cemetery
for repairs. said I. What kind Of repairs
do you mean
'Oh, whitewashing the tonbstOnes and
moving the grass, and such Ike says he.
They won't be able 10 bury anybody in
that cemtery for week
well, l concluded it wasn't any business
of mine how they managed the Spartans-
vile cemetery, so 1 said DO more; but the
brakesnian and !, we got got the coffin into
the baggage car and sat on 1t TO rest, for
1t seemed heavier than ever
. That fellow is playing a game on YOU
said the brakesnlan.
'HOw's that?' I said
:" There amt no corpse in that coffin
says the bTakesnIan. L weighs three
times what any corpse would weigh unless
it was BarnUm's fat woman. Then, again,
1 see that chap laughing in his sleeve when
me and you were wrestling with the coffin
If he was u mOurner he wouldn't
run the risk of being caught rejoicing
in public
- 1t is mighty curious how he keeps
this coffin above grtound,' says I. It's
more than a week now since he started
out to bury IT, and he's been riding all
over the line ever since
" Where's he going TO take what he
calls the remains" TO nOw?' asked the
man.
Down to smyrna says /
" There's pretty long platform there
said the brakesman; and II YOU and l were
to give that coffin a twist just as the train
strikes the platform, we'd probably find
out what's in it
THAT wouldn't be showing fitting re-
spect to the dead says THAT is, if there
really is a dead woman in the coffin
dead woman be hangedH says he.
Does Truefit pretend that she's en-
balmed?'
- SO he says said 1.
"'Weu, then, gimme a screw-driver, and
Wen know the truth about this yer affair
inside of two minutes says the brakes
man.
He went and borrowed a ew-driver
from the engineer, and went to work to IN
screw the coffin lid. There wasn't as much
remains i'll that coffin as there generally Is
of a man that's blown up with dynamite.
1t was chokeful, rs far as We could see,
of silks and all sorts of goods, such as
Cy. was in the habit of travelling with We
couldn't quite understand how the thing
came TO weigh as much as it did TIL We
had partly unpacked it, and then We found
that there was several hundred weight OF
lead pigs fastened 10 the bottom. Of the
coffin. This hurt my feelings, for I saw
at once that Cy. had put the lead there Just
to make trouble for me or any other bag
gageuaster-
What DO you say now says the brakes
man.
Say" said 1. why, that I'll smash
that coffin when we get to smyrna SO that
Cy, Truefit won't find piece of it big
enough for a tOothpick.'
"'And I'll help YOU says the man
Wen just get her up on one end, and
when we get TO the platform Wen tip her
out and set her going. only wish we could
manage so as to let her bring up against
Cy's legs, but we can't have everything
here to please us
Before We got TO Smyrna everything
was ready. We had loosened the screws
OF the coffin all around so that she could
go to pieces all the more easy, and creased
| the biggest end of her, so that she'd slide
her level best. Then the brakesman and
l got her on end close to the open door,
and when we reached the platform and the
train was still doing a good fifteen miles
an hour, we launched her.
"You should have seen that coffin waltz
Ing down the platform right through the