The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1895-03-06
Anasrsea yntslltgs,1ess.
JERUSHY'S DILEMMA.

he that lives over the way and is a
lawyer by trade ?
Ono Well that's funny, for | allus
love to talk about the bows l had
when I was young, for you know it
gives me a youngish feelin' again.
I'm not an old woman now; but you
see I was younger woman 30 years
ago.
I don't think any old woman loves
to remember she is old it's SO hard
to grow old becomingly, and think
all the ladies who amt married or en-
gagged, will back me in what say.
Why, when the first gray hairs cum
in my he'd I just cried my eyes most
out. But I soon remembered my eyes
couldn't stand it, for they git so red
and swell big I knowed Id look
fright, and your uncle was coming
that mite, and I didn't want him to
see me with red eyes and nose like
a lobster, for you talk about a woman
lookin we'll in tcers-but I've got my
fust one to see yet.
Now talk about noses, I think my
nose is Of the puttiest kind. Old
Deacon Wells says It's decided roming.
Now, that's what I call nice. There's
widow Narlony-she says her nose is
of the haristocratic turn that queer,
for when I look right strait at it /
think it is as an old fashioned pug,
real stumpy pug, and it looks kinder
like she tux snuff, and both sides has
a little black ring around them, for
all the world like two little black
ringed peas.
1 never TUX snuff but onst, aud that
was for the gittar in the he'd. The
doctor subscribed snuff-the drug man
put it in-and I like to sneezed my
blasted he'd off. I seed moons and
stars hole hour.
When I was gal, I was the puttiest
gal you ever sot eys on. A rale
scrumptious, putty gal. Now all the
folks in our town said SO, and. you
know there obliged to be good jedges.
Atthe cuttings, applehees, and kissin
plays, I always got most kisses, gum
drops, and compliments; and when
going home time cum, there was al
ways a scramble as to who would see
me to home. Them was the happy
days! Every gal had one bow--some
had two, and some had more ! That
was what I call living.
But in spite of all the folks sed,
and all the sweetharts I had, [ didn't
git stuck up one bit. 1 knowed just
had to lie down and die some day and
go to nothin but dust again, SO it
ticklel my vanity to be made lots of
while l staid here.
Among the fellows that liked me
very much was Hezekiah Virgins.
Rez was long, slim feller-for the
world like bean pole that had run
up among the skies, and if few more
had run up so high, it would have
loosed few of the stars, and caused
what that professor called metre
garlic shower. Now [ don't jest know
egsactly what that means. I know
we sing long and short metre, down to
the Sunday school, and garlic grows
in our garden !; two queer things to 60
together. I don't much like Hezeki,
but I didn't downright hate him and
I wanted to keep him on hand until I
found out wheather your uncle ment
business or not. I ment to bring
Ezra to the pint, if could, but if I
couldn't, why, then I ment to take
Hez, as I had no notion of bein' an
old maid.
I allus managed that Ezra and
Hezeki should not be to our house
both the same time, for I knoed they'd
be cutting at one another, and didn't
know but they'd cum to blows. So,
as I sed, I managed to keep them
apart, and I thot maybe Ezra. would
quit comm, and go to see that good
for nothing Mehitabel Slack-if he
knew I had another bow.
One night Rez come when | was
lookin' for Ezra. What was [ to do ?
It would never do for Ezra to find me
with Hezeki all alone, for he was
mortally jealous, and | naturally liked
him better than did Hezeki Virgins.
So gave my little Cousin Bob some
gumdrops to watch for him, and when
he'd see him comm up the hill to
give two loud cries like the whippo-
will as loud as ever he could ; and I
thought I'd trust myself to git rid Of
Hez before Ezra got to the house.
I never knowed Hezeki to talk so
much. He just softsoaped me till I
felt like queen. I tell you Hez has
a soft way about him sometimes. Now
he had brought bundle with him,
which he kept twisting and turnin'.
At last he says, "Jerushy, what do
you love best ?"
G"Well," says, ito tell the truth, I
love apple-saSs.
''Do try to guess what I brought, y
says he.
Roasted chestnuts, says I.
"No, no you amt good on guess
ing. Try again.
GA piece of your ma s raised bred,
says I.