The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1895-11-26
lIUMOR OF THE DAY.

lain. -buck.
u will take some of this material -
but will it Hcsr well?' "Oh it is in
destructible- misunderstanding Is
it will wear till you pay for it y
Sometimes when you think your
neighbor is enjoying himself becar SC
he annoys yon, he really annoys you
because he is enjoying himself. -
Puck.
Bellcheld "Thc Fayes comet is
said to be very faint. Bloomfield ~
"You would be faint. too, if YOU had
Travelled as far. ''-Pittsbarg Chronicle
Telegraph.
"This is hard world,' murmuret'
the young man. "Yes,' replied she
"onc doesn't realize hcw hard it is
till one falls off bicycle oaca or
twice. ;'-Washingtcn Star.
lin welded to art: ;Ilnt alone. III my il";:t
Is the passage that always survives.
sIt's Il ;,lty, 81" sighed: ''hut il can't b: d.2,
That som" husbands are bal i" rh~it
wives.
--,Washingtvn Star.
"!And so you have started in to es-
teblish a n1ugaziue?" EYES, replied
Mr.. Bullions. "Do you write for it?'
'You bet do. ! write about seven.
teen pages week for it; in my check
book. >
Customer-"Waiter, just look aE
this spoon; it's dirty. Somebody has
been drinking chocolate with it. aud
it hasn't been washed; Waiter with
emphasis THAT, sir, is not ehoco-
late; it's 7erligris. Pick. .Ne-Cp.
Blobbs-"What nonsense it is for
the newspapers, in their accounts OF
weddings, to describe the bride being
led to the altar" SloDbs -"How so:'
BIobbs- ':Well, most girls would ind
their way in the dark. '-Philadeir1is
Record.
Mr.. Slopay-"T "This bill is outrag-
eous. You charge for ter visits and
you attended ne only five times dur
inc nv Illness" DR.. Slo:um lies !;
but you forget ny ti7e visits i'll at
tempting to collect MY bill. -Ihiia-
ilelphia Record.
Brown latter visiting q sick 1ricndN
-:'Poor fellow! DID you notice that
ne was slightly lclirious?' Jones
'No; I diaa'E. He seemed to re to
be cutie RATIONAL Brown-"Oh, no!
Didn't YOU hear him say he know just
how he got the cold. PUCK.
The Editors Little Boy-':Pop says
there was q donation party up at your
house last night; what's that?" Tna
Minister'S Little Boy-''Wny, that's
when folks come to your house aad
bring pie and cake, and eat 1t all up,
and then go home again !'-PncS.
She-':I understand 5Ir. Kinks is
quite literary" Re~"Not that l.
ever heard of.' Shc-"Why, soms
one told nc he wrote for the maga-
zines regularly He-"Oi course no
does. He's onr newsdea'er anu sup
plies the trade. ''-Detro!t Free Press.
"!'m GOING to give II, my place at
this restaurant" said Broadway
waiter, with look OF disgust Oh hi<
face. "Wby?" "Why? Why, be-
cause they insist on my eating masi'-
rooms before the customers to SEQ"
them they're not toadstools. - -loIed'
Bee.
"1 hava half notion TO end nv
existence said tho detected youth.
~ have notiinr on eartl to live for. -
Better waitA wbiln.' sail The Cum
minssvillc sage. "Aftcr yoa set 70 be
lev years older yov won't want any
thing TO live for. Just living Will be
considerable satisfaction. "-Clncln'
natl Enquirer.
"Renben," manfred Mr.. Uoiobu,
sborn1v s.;f fine aatc bai been closcl
nj nicft as von say it was, how d.
70, suppose that pig got into the
Stable ward? 1t could not have climbed
through the fence. ''f guess it must
have crept through & crack, sir: an
swered Reuben, the coachmsn, Wild
dignity. Chicago Tribune.
Teacber-ssPollv. dear. suppose [
were TO shoot at tree with five birds
On il aa.l killed three, how many
vonld ha ]est9- p,uy Jared sikh
ssThree, please" Teacher -''No; two
would be left" Poily---'No, there
wouldn't. The three SHOT would bs
L. AMI l,o ~ !. &vp wG1IG pp II IL: