Crawford avalanche., 1895-05-30
Let Us All Laugh.

Philadelphia Record.
'In my business. lady, it's impossible
to get a days work" You don't say!
What's your busincss?' I'm a night
watchman." n."-Scribner's
Green Gates-Is your son doing well
at college? Halsey Putnam-Not as
well as expected; he is only playing
center field.-BrOoklyn Eagle.
"Ah." said the magazine reader, con-
templating his friends new baby.
"Fine child. Is it Napoleon or a
Trilby !'-Cincinnati Tribune.
She-There's no use In talking, it's
the small things that annoy one most.
He-Yes. Even little mosquito bores
me lly.-Philadelphia Record.
"Why was the bee selected as mod
ell Of industryY' asked Tillinghast. BE
cause business with him is always
humming," replied Gildersleeve.-
Judge.
Trolley car conductor now, or
get off. Dignified citizen-What do you
take me for, sir? Conductor-Fi' cents,
same as anybody else.-IndianapOlis
Journal.
Mrs. Norris-In this book have writ
ten down most Of the little incidents Of
our married life. Old BOnder-Ah!
Sort Of family scrap-book, eh?--Brook-
lyn Life.
Sad-faced tramp-Madam, am a
homeless man. Patient housewife
Well IL you are home less than my hus-
band is, pity your poor wife.-Tam-
many Times.
Judge-And you are accused of throw
ing mug of beer at the plaintiff.
Plaintiff-Anybody who knows me will
tell you that. that is inconceiveable.-
Fliegende Blaetter.
Gaggs-Self- made is man who thor
Oughly believes in himself. Wages
Then he must be next to an infidel,
for an intidel believes in nothing
New York Tribune.
Hobson-Don't you think that Martin
girl is frightfully dull? Jobson-Well,
she cut me on the avenue yesterday
Philadelphia Record.
Wigwag-,There is at least one time
of the day when am sure Of my stand
ing. Hobson-When's that? when
go home at 6 o'clock i'm the trolley car"
Philadelphia Record.
First wall fiower-How gracefully
Miss Western holds up her train. Sec
ond wall fiower-It ought to come natu-
raj, for they say her father started life
as road agent.-Truth.
Mrs. Bellefeld-Mrs. Oakland has a
great secret. Mrs. Bloomfield-Oh, no!
She can't have. "Why not?" If she
had she would have told it 10 me-
Pittsburg ChronicleTelegraph.
Mr.. Fosdick--I want good tea. Is
that genuine Bohea? Honest, now"
Mr.. Peck (as he weighs it out)-Yes,
sir; will guarantee it. / believe that
honest tea is the best policy.-Judge.
emily, IL William to-day asks you
to marry him you must tell him to
speak to me-" Yes, mamma; but If
he does not?" "Then tell him l want
to speak to him!'-Fliegende Blaetter.
Gent-MademOiselle looks more
beautiful every day! Lady-You have
been telling me so for a good many
years; what horrid fright 1 must
have been to start with. Illustra-
ton.
II understand that your son went
West, intending to rise with the COM
munity.' said the neighbor. Yes. An
he did what he started out for" "HOwT'
HE hadn't been there n week before a
cyclone struck the town. n."-Washington
Star.
Adam Dunn-Good morning, Mr..
| Wunt; have called to collect that lit
tie bill. Willy Wunt-And so you are a
collector, too! have no doubt / have
one of yours among my collection.
What do you care to pay for it?-BOs-
ton Transcript.
Bella-Why on earth is Bess going to
marry Mr.. Lostalle now that he Is
ruined financially? Della-It's all her
bargain counter mania. AS soon as
she heard that he was terribly reduced
she felt that she must take him.-New
| York World
Spa" said small boy, "what are the
penalties of greatnessY' "Well," re-
piled the eminent officeholder, with a
sigh, zone Of them is having the in
come tax collector know, off hand, just
how much money you get year.
Washington Star
Mrs. Gadd-"Oh, have you heard the
news? Miss de Ledger and her fathers s
bookkeeper were secretly married six
months ago." Mrs. Gabb-"Dearie me!
How did 1t leak out?" Mrs. Gadd-
"Some one overheard them quarreling."
New York Weekly.
wickwire-What beautiful whine
you use in asking for dime. You really
ought to have that voice cultivated.
Dismal Dawson-Well. 1 don't know
but might be willin' to hev 1t culti-
vated-say, under the irrigation sys-
tem.-Indianapolis Journal.
The Vinegar Habit Hard to Cure.
1 TN