Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-12-22
IT DELIGHTS US ALL.
The IdIer Comments on Free Lunch
and The httRaCtiVeneSS Thereof
SANTA CLAUS A rEAcE-MAKER.
IL II Weren't for Him the Cussed-
ness of Children would Never
Ccas~-Hc IL Great Insfitu-
ton.

Once upon a time there was certain
woman that did desire TO please her hus-
hand. She was not woman OF this
axe. She desired not a new spring bonnet
nor did she have sinister designs; neither
aid she propose 10 work rabbit-foot on
him that was her spouse. Her scheme
was simply u please him And she did
at I'D IN her household miniature bar.
with the appurtenances thereto, and much
wine. and that which is known as beer
and "Oid Gibson. Unto herself she did
speak and say; 10. he will be exceed
ing glad. and will rejoice and Will cry
from his housetop unto all men. Come
and booze with me-" And II came 10
pass that when evening had arrived her
spouse entered, bringing with MIN
little jug, and that which Is known as
mint. She that was his wife did rush
unto him. crying with gladness: come
with me that you may behold my good
deeds" And he went hence unto the
apartment, and looked upon the bar ana
IT'S appurtenances, and sampled thal
which is known as liquor. ana ieant
upon the counter and raised his rect upon
the tables And then he waxed soIroWlul
and beat his breast. and moaned' ana no
man could console him. Ana the woman
sought 10 prefer comfort ana said'
Wherefore dost thou beat thy breast.
when before thee is that which bringest
SOW unto the hearts OF men? Here Is
strone drink, and that which doth please
the throttle Of the stronger sex.
Nay nay, Paulina," quoth he, you
wot not wherefore / am sorrowful Ihat
which thou hast fashioned is good, IN
so far as IL goes, but there is no Tree
lunch" And he refused TO be conforted.
Then did the woman gnash her TEEN,
and hustle for her tailor-made suit OF
sackcloth and ashes, for she saw that
she had made great mistake.
The above incident, written in feeble
imitation OF the style OF a brilliant young
Journalist here IN purposed to portray
that grand weakness Of mankind Tor what
Is generically known the world over as
free lunch" The very mention OF the
word brings TO my mind the tenderest
recollections and recalls hallowed memo
,1es which l am constantly seeking 10
revive l am not alone in my fondness
Tor this luxury. Its mere suggestion
appeals 70 mankind. and Is the mystic
symbol OF that which, above all other
things. brings worshippers to the shrine
of the dispenser. OF course, the piesslng
travels under several names In inc
eroggeries, where we drop I'm to sip lemon
ade, IL is known simply as free lunch,
while In society, It travels under the
name of Refreshments. To my sympa-
thetic masculine readers it VIII be need
less for me TO mention the small, square
bits OF enticing cheese, the little crack
ers. and the fascinating pretzel, which,
with its fishing-worm shape, attracts
many a sucker. Fain would heap en-
comiums also upon the "free-lunch' soup,
with unknown ingredients concerning
which we dare not investigate. Its gene
alosy may not stand close scrutiny, but
we take il on faith. as do we likewise the
bits of sausage and the pickle. The po-
tato salad may, perhaps. demand little
more suspicion, but in our goodwill to-
wards free lunch" we are disposed 10
waive many searching inquiries concern
ing its history, and to accept that along
with the other blessings.