Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1895-12-20

L tlNI t. ABhiitN ~ u uiI1JAinNs AiD
other evening he was scorching to get
TO the Bijou in time when he overlook
a friend pedaling away aud wearing an
anxious look on his face as he glanced
in every direction.
"Hello, Billw shouted Daley.
whats the matter? You look as though
your liver was out Of order.
"Oh," Bill replied, "iny liver's all
right enough, but (in hoarse whisper)
my lights ave gone outl'
A horse is cne of the first things that
Mr.. Frank Daniels selected to buy him
self for a Christmas present, For that
purpose be went TO an auction room last
Thursday. He happened TO feel particu
larly fastidiuus at the time
Look here, old man, said he, 81
don't want horse of that sort They
are all big eaters, according to your say,
and l don't like that. Then they are too
heavy, too delicate at the same time aud
would require more time than my men
can give them. What / want is one that
eats lightly, is trim, small, light dash
ing i'll appearance and yet quiet and
will stand. | want one that will be
good for lady's use and yet fast when
occasion demands. UNDERESTIMATE
"Oh, l understand, said the dealer
thoughtfully, "but it amt horse ySu
want What yuu want is a bicycle.
When Olga Nethersole's brother Louis
first landed in America his cockney dia-
lect got him into lots of trouble. He
was such a typical Britisher that all
manner Of jokes were played upon him.
He took Il shotgun to Buffalo to kill buff
faloes and some knives to indianapolis
in case Of trouble with Indians Last
summer, when home, the young Eng
lishman thought over these practical
jokes and decided to even things up this
season, and he has enjoyed his revenge,
During Miss Eethersoles engagement
in Baltimore Brother Louis rushed ont
to Manager Ford in the box Office and
said that his sister was looking very bad
and might die. MI. Ford FASTENED across
the street and summoned physician,
and they went back on the stage
Il want to see Miss Nethersole, -
spoke up the doctor.
"But you cawn't see 'er," answered
Louis.
81 must. You know, ! am the physi-
clan they sent for. -
But Oi say you cawn't see her.
She's dying"
What" exclaimed both doctor and
manager.
"Yes, but it's not serious, you know.
She dies every day we play Camille. -
W. Il. Browning is the comedian in
the burlesque show at Aarons Gaiety
theater. Some one announces the aTiva
of Trilby
81 don't see how Syergali can gel
near Trilby," he says, "now that th'
doors Ben Boltcd.
Did you pick winner at the race
last summeri" asks Jordan of william
son i'll black face turn at the Gaiety
NO" is the reply.
"Well, what are you going to do thi
winter?'
"Pick and shovel. "
"Now, ladies and gentlemen, it af
| fords me great - begins Jordan.
Hold on, there" interjccts William
son.
"What do you mean, sir, by inter
rupting me? Don't you know that gen
| tlemen do not like to be interrupted il
the middle of a scntence?"
"Not at all. There are lots Of gentle
men who would like to he interruptet
in the middle Of a sentence. They're il
Sing Sing"
At Proctor's Pleasure Palace arr
/ Smith and Cook.
Cook-How do you like the Brooklyn
trolley cans?
Smith-Oh, they just killing!
Cook--And the patrol wagons?
Smith was simply carried ava!
with them.
Cook--What was that terrible crash
heard in your room about o'clock thi
morning?
Smith-That was me-falling asleep
The O'Briens have a boxing specialt.
at Keith's.
Il now make special offer Of 81, ,00
to any man who can induce me to stan,
up for two rounds, says one Of th
team.
"Where do you wish to be buried?'
asks the other.
''See that / am buried in the fireplace
that my ashes may mingle with thos
Of the CRATE. "