davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20

One srltry Sunday a minister was
laundering away at his drowsy congre-
CATION, the majority of whom would
go to sleep in spite of all his efforts.
At last he shouted, "Wake up here!
There IS q man preaching to you VIII o
has only half q shirt on his bace!" It
wake d thcm tremendously. The next
day delegation of ladies visited the
parsonage, and presented the preacher
with package containing some very
nice shirts, saying that it was a shame
that he should be reduced to half a
shirt to his back. He replied, after
accepting the shirts with thanks, ''that
he Was not literally reduced to half
shirt, although he wore only a half on
his back; he wore the other half ir
front of him.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20

T. : q La {. rTE
little faint for an instant while she
realized the truth, and Ferdinand
melted into spa ce; but then the sup
pressed fun in her slower naturep
jumped up like a Jacl-in the-box on
the pha ntom heels of the vanishing
Ferdinand, and she went off into
peals on peals of inextinguishable
laughter. They were rather fright,
'ened; her aunt slapped her hands;
Charlie emptied the bottle of eau-de-
cologne over her, and am afraid she
sla pped him.
me poor child" said her aunt,
F'she's hystericalr' s
"I',n nothing of the SORT" gasped
Miranda, trying to stop laughing, go
ing off again and speaking in spasms
ooh, oh, oh! it's too, too, too funny!
Oh, oh, oh! that I should fall in love
with nine men-at once! No, no,
no! with nine-bits of men! Oh, oh.
oh! a thing-of shreds and-patches!
Oh, oh, oh! shall I ever, ever, ever
stop laughing?"
:: :: y y <
Miranda went home in July, a ner-
rier and wiser girl. In October she
married her faithful curate, whose
only rival had been Ferdinand.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
HER EYES NOT GOOD,
hut She Could Tell Hon est People
X Across the Street.

One of the snartest, shrewdest bust
ness women in New York able to push
her trade at a minimum of effort. is the
OLD newspaper woman at the corner Of
'torty-second street and Seventh aven-
ue, and the thriving stand is situated
at the Seventh avenue corner.
1t is a bleak unprotected corner, and
the old woman finding it too exposed.
has taken her stool under the shelter of
an opposite Broadway store. This is
Tar enough off not to know where to
look for her, if needs be, and affords an
apparently good opportunity for dishon
persons to cheat, yet the old woman
never loses a cent She has learned
from her distant niche to size people I'D
pretty well, and is on hand pretty
promptly if she suspects unfair play.
A lady last Sunday wanted to buy
paper, and had nothing less than 25c.
Looking up and down and around
about, and seeing nobody in charge Of
the stand she decided after some mo-
ments' waiting that she would have to
let the paper go. AS she turned aWay
without it she heard a loud call from
the cuDby hole niche at the opnosite
corner, and saw the old woman bid
ding her in pantomine to take the paper
along. In pantomime also she replied
indicating that she couldn't as she had't
got the money. Then the old woman
hobbled forward in haste and began to
give the conscientious lady good
sound rating
"Ain't you foolish she said, "and
bothersome to bring me over here when
you might have just as we'll take that
paper along"
But [ had no change" said the lady.
We'll, what of thatY' Couldn't Won
Leave it the next time yau were pass
ing?'
But, I'm a stranger Why should
you trust me to do any such thing"'
"Ihats all right. know why. Don't
you think [ can tell honest folks from
over there? | know the other kind. too,
right quick. Next time pick up your
paper and pay whenever you come past
again. Don't drag me over here for
nothing. It's enough, with my rheuma-
tlsn1, to scramble over here after the
York Herald.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
TRIPLES THAT MAKE H1sToRYe
Christopher CoIumbus' Fate Said to
Have Hung on Game of Chess.

Christopher Co1uRnbus' Fate Said to
| Have Hung a CAME of Chess.
1t is a Spanish tradition that the fate
OF Columbus once hung on a game OF
chess says the New York Ledger. For
years the schemer had haunted the
Spanish court, trying to interest some
one in his cause, but at last, despairing,
ne determined to leave and go to
FRANCE The night before his intended
departure he sought an audience Of
the queen to communicate his Intention
and to take his leave. The queen asked
him to wait while she made one more
effort to interest the king, and left
the room for that purpose. She found
Ferdinand engaged in a game Of chess,
and, disturbing him by her entrance,
and thus causing him to lose a piece,
he let fly q volley Of oaths at seamen
generally and at Columbus in particular
and then Informed Isabella that the
result of her petition would depend on
tue result of the game. It grew worse,
ana things looked blue for the discov-
erer OF America, but Isabella, overlook
ing the board, whispered to his majesty.
a suggestion Us to a move that could be
made; the king adopted the suggestion,
and America was saved.
1t is a queer story, but no stranger
than the one told in Rome at the time
the divorce Of Henry VIII. was under
discussion that the negotiations were
broken off by the earl Of NVi1tshire's
dog. This unmannerly cur had fol-
lowed his master into the court, and
when the pontiff, at the close of the
audience, put out his foot to be kissed
Dy the earl, the dog bit it and so an
gered the pope and Mortified the court
that the negotiations were suspended.
The story may be true or false, but
IN either case is an excellent demonstra-
ton of the value of the tride, when the
trifle occurs in the life of an exalted
parsonage. and gives point to the re-
mark made by Paschal along the same
line, that if the nose Of Cleopatra had
been an inch longer or shorter the
course Of the worlds history might
have been materially changed.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20

almost sacredly her own, almost
heaven-sent. She put the heaven
sent Ferdinand into her pocket, and
when the rector and his daughter
went home to the rectory, Ferdinand
went, too.
Thereafter Miranda spent much
time in contemplation of that sun
pictured face. In point of fact it was
badly executed photograph, for
there was a haziness in some of the
outlines, a want of finish in some of
the details. This, however, enhanced
its significance in Miranda's eyes, and
appeared to her to imply a peculiar
value in the portrait as a portrait, in
dependent of it's merits as a work of
art.
Miranda passed the winter in trem-
bling expectation, half hoping, half
dreading that her aunt would in some
Of her letters allude to the missing
treasure, and at the same time tear
the veil from its mystery, but no such
enlightenment came, and in May Mi
randa was to go and stay in London
with her fathers sister. r..
Meanwhile, only two things hap
opened to her at the rectory. One was
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
PARROTS AND A MONKEY
They Got Along Peacefully Because the
Silnian Was Awed by Numbers

They Got Along Peaceably E:ecausc the
simlan Was Awed by Numbers.
Ihlrty-seven parrots and monkey
formed part of the cargo which Gap
tain II. B. Eaton of the barkentine
Geneva brought into this port the 9TH
er day from Orchilla. He entered the
parrots at the custom-house as being
valued at $6S. They como in free, but
if he wants to land the monkey the
latter will be liable to duty of twen-
ty per cent, says the Baltimore Herald.
While Captain Eaton unquestiona-
bly, had 'smonlzoy-and-parrot'' time
of it during his voyage from Venez-
uela, his birds Jared better than did
the parrot in the story. His parrots
had good deal of fun all the way on
the ocean. They were numerous
enough to defy the monkey, and all
arrived at Baltimore, each with it's full
share of feathers and in possession of a
voice delightful to ears which find
melody in Japanese cracked fddles or
Chinese war gongs.
The crew on the Geneva did not
lack for lively conversation on the way
from South America to Maryland, and
the parrots had fine opportunity to
give up their Spanish cuss words for a
choice Vocabulary of epithets redolent
of an Anglo-SaXon forecastle. ANY
one who wants a parrot to swear at
tramps, brighten intruding cats and
dogs, or tickle the children and shock
the ladies by its language and general
cussedness, can, no doubt, be supplied
from the outfit brought hither on the
barkcntinc.
Captain Eaton says that the parrot
crop in Venezuela is not failure, and
it is further understood that these
green and red feathered birds in that
country enjoy unusual educational ad-
vantages. They articulate lat home)
only in the purest Castilian phrase
ology, while in America they chatter
away in English with Disregard of
ears polite which is as refreshing. as it
is unique.
A few specimens, however, have
been carefully preserved from contain
lnation and can speak only Spanish,
using bad language, no doubt, but it
sounds good because no one UNDER
stands it. Common, everyday par
rots, who can say only ''Polly wants a
cracker" have here the opportunity
to increase their vocabulary, which
may not be neglected.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
OUR Widest INDIANS.
fhe Paprgoes of Arizona, Who Arc
Not B1oodthirsty, but Are Great

fhe Papnsoes of Arizona. Who Are
Not B1oodthirsty, but Are Great
Wanderers.
lhe Chief of the bureau Of .,thnolocv
IN Washington has sent two scouts into
Arizona to look. over the homes of the
PaTago Indians and to investigate their
race characteristics. They are the most
vagrant Of American Indians They
live in Southern Arizona. Often they
make foraging expeditions into Mexico,
and in the sense of settled habitat N
they cannot be said to live anywhere.
They are the most nomadic of all the
Indian tribes at present. The PaDu-
goes were once Il tribe Of from 1000 to
1000. The exact number is not known
They are scattered over so wide
range Of territory that it is doubtful if
even one of their own number could
form a clear idea of how many there
now are in the tribe
line PapagOes are wild in the sense
that they are uncivilized but not in the
sense that they are bloodthirsty. They
are very peaceful people and many of
them assist their Indian neiyhbors in
harvesting their grain. They take their
pay IN supplies, which they lay up for
the winter season. But in the summer
they live chiefly on the fruit Of the
cactus plant and wild berries. It is a
wonder how they live at all. Some of
those Who lead rowing life own a few
horses and cattle But the entire num-
Der of cattle owned by those who are
not on reservations is only 1000 and
the number Of domestic fowls is 1,15O
The Papago Indians receive no ra-
items from the government. They are
actually seif-supporting, asking nothing
OF the government and receiving very
little. There are from 300 to 500 In
dlans gathered on two reservations, one
near Tucson and one near ella Bend
on the Southern Pacific railroad.
These communities are not models CT
their kind. In fact they are described
as having each about thirty miserable
Squald adobe houses, with not a drop
Oh water within many miles, except
what IS caught in pools during the I'M
certain Arizona rainy season, and in q
short time this water becomes. thick
and vile, because the pools are the
common resort of the Indians, the cat
tie and the swine. What the PaDagoes
need most is irrigation to make their
barren land fertile, for that land now
will not furnish subsistence for a coy
ote or a gopher.
A man who had his attention drawn said
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
Uses for Old Wheels.

The secretary Of the navy mission
makes an appeal to all bicyclists who
have no further use for or are getting
rid of their old safety machines to
send them as a gift or sell them at a
nominal price to the society he repre-
sents for use by the missionaries and
employees. These bicycles, he
says, are Of Immense service
to them, often halving their
labor and doubling their eff
ciency,' as they have to travel long
distances in the course of their work.
1t is the navvies to whom we owe the
good roads which make cycling such a
pleasure, and it is not unreasonable to
hope his appeal will be liberally re-
sponded to.-London Figaro.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
A ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

Mrs. Slimdiet-Jane. Mr. Stardoardcr
was explaining the new tariff to me last
evening" and I find some Of the changes
are very important
Cook-Are they, mum?
Mrs. Slimdiet-Eitally. Hereafter
you must put less sugar in the pudding,
but you can't make up for it by putting
more salt in the soup. Salt is free now
New York Weekly.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
Held by the ENEMY.

. If you are held captive by the enemy,
fheumatls'n, bound hand and foot in the
shackirS OF rheumatic govt. YOU have your
self to blame. because You did not check
their approach in the outset. with Hos
letters STOMACH Bitters: Tackle them at
Ing, blood depurating specific. and You will
experience speedy relief. Biliousness, ma
larial, dyspeptic liver and neuralgia com
plants yield to it.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20

which is, perhaps, the prettiest Way
IN the world. Her father, the rector,
was Irish, and he and all his family
were genial, CHEEKY folk, v7ho laughed
and grew fat. Miranda was rather
ashamed of her own keen sense of
fun, which belonged, she supposed, to
her clover nature"
Indeed an ideal Ferdinand (she al
ways thought Of him as ''Ferdinand'')
already haunted her maiden medita-
tions-an adorable being, undreamed
OF in maturer philosophy; a splendid
guest, to whom the doors of her
heart were to fly open.
One September day the beaming
rector, whose beams had never been
obscured except when his only child's
mother died ten years before, called
to Miranda from his study window.
"Chici5, would you like to come to
London with me for q week?'
Yes papa" she said, in a little,
languid voice, and with q dreamy
gaze beyond him into infinity. She
had very nearly jumped for Joy, but
recollected the dignity Of woman
hood in time, and waited until she
got into her own room. Then she did.
They went to the house of her
fathers sister in London. She was a
rich and lively old maid then daily
curing a baczachc at some German
baths, and spending most Of her time
with much chccrfulncss' up to her
chin in them.
The happy old parson, who did not
often give himself a holiday, enjoyed
it thoroughly and SO did Miranda.
One morning the rector had to go
into the city on business and left Mi
randa all alone. She meant to recline
in an easy chair and read Browning;
but she got rather strained over "Sor-
dello,' which many who can run can
not read.
Now Miranda, reclining on her easy
chair, found it so much easier than
Browning that she fell asleep
She was shocked at herself when
she avolze and found the poet prone
at her feet However, she got up,
stretched her arms and thought she
would explore the three drawing
rooms in search Of new toys and curl
osities, Of which her aunt was a great
collector.
She came to the smallest room at
the end, and even as she crossed the
threshold her eyes fell on--a facet
She stopped short, then went forward
with clasped hands and stood to gaze
It was only the photograph of a very
handsome young man stuck into the
last leaf of q photograph screen
standing on a little table, but in that
moment Miranda thought she fore
tasted the rapture Of q realized IDEAL
In those dark eyes she seemed to read
genius and sweetness; in that coun-
terfeit prescntment she seemed to
recognize the Ferdinand OF her
dreams.
Almost Shylv she slipped the fate
full carte out Of the little screen with
out even a glance at its companions
there. The image had no superscrip-
ton; the upper and lower edges of
the mount had been pared away to
admit Of its insertion in the screen.
This only added the fitting touch of
mystery.
Miranda could not bring herself to
replace and resign what seemed
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
Not Very Graceful.

Little Ethel-At the circus I saw a
monkey riding a dog. but he didn't sit
up like q man on horse.
Mother-HoW did he ride?
Little Ethel-Oh. he screwed I'D
bis legs and stopped way over so his
head most touched the dogs cars. He
K Oked most rs funny IS a boy on !,
bicbcle.-Street & Smiths Good News.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
Parental SOIicitude.

Daughtcr-But, ma, I don't like him.
Mother-He is an only son, and his
father is very rich.
We'll, as to that, his father is a wild
over, and may marry again"
True. [ did not think Of that Per
haps you'd better marry the father."-
New York Weekly.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
The Woman of 1t,

He glarcl at his wife with hatred and
aversion in his eyes
Our marriage" he bitterly OK
claimed, was a Dargaln.''
The GOODNESS in her face seemed to
soften as she heard his words
what a man you are She unused,
'to look on the bright side Of things
Yes, it was a bargain, and, to her
way Of thinking. that was one comfort
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
Market Gardeners and Farmers

Tremendous money is made BY getting
your vegetables into market 10 days ahead
of your neiGhbors. S;alzer's Northern
grown Seeds have this reputation. Send to
the John A. Salzcr seed Co., La Crosse,
Wis. for their wholesale catalogue, incos-
Ing 2-cent stamp.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
In the Net.

His grace the duke had sat for sew
eral moments silent.
''Of course" the heiress was OBJ
serving, absently toying with her fan,
'syou are a landed nobleman?"
The man in whom conferred all her
hopes of entering high society sighed
deeply.
'Practically," he rejoined, gloomily {;
Il owe your old man so much money
that I can't get away" ~.
Rising with a glad cry she fell on hi
neck.-Detroit Tribute. 81
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
How Is This for High

George-Say, Tom, is it true that
you're engaged to Miss Fetcheyp
!Tom-That's about the size Of it.
. George-Ten us about her. Is she
tall? ....@ :Is5
Tom-Oh, she comes about up to
my shoulder. ..s L +
George-Yes, I suppose eo-very
often, too.-Truth. ~
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20

"A man who had his attention drawn said
1t was not half as painful as drawing q
tooth.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1895-04-20
n1nd~u,;7HtEzczuN
L6 s. IDEENz{(({f:
~ Nv i--o>,~--((IU~~

I R A N DA was a
charming lit t l e
girl of II; she was
also q bundle of
contradic t i on s.
Gu | t ur d an d
crude, clever and
foolish, sentiment
tai and very much
alive to the ridicu-
lous. She was also
extremely pretty
in the Irish way,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-06
A Special.

An Overstock of Ladies' Muslin Drawers-they were
51c, SIC and Csc; they are your choice. 45c.
THEY MUST GO-Fascinators and Hoods We mean
All those which sell for 81 $125 and 81 fell in the
way OF the price cutter and he has mercy they
will keep You warm at only 69c.
SKIRTS-The all wool. flannel kind we've been Oct
ting 81 for Saturday night the buzz saw struck
the price. and while they last they will be 4sc.
NIGHT GOWNS-Form misses. made stylishly and we'll
OF the best Tennis Flannel the flannel them alone ia
worth 15c. You can have what you want at 49c.
BRUSSELS RUGS-The limitations, not the real.
don't look quite so WELL but then they cost only one
third much and wear as well:
Size 22X4S, SIC.
Size SOx72, CSC.
They're rather cheap at these prices. you ought
to secure few
BLANKET BARGAINS-Better investigate.
REMNANTS-The remnant tables will be center. NJ
attraction for bargain hunters. The saving is half.
often MORE
2eCk Dry Goods Co.
nd I'LL Second avenue, Rock Island.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1895-02-06
WORRIED WOMEN.
Why do They Worry When
it is Needless.
HOW TO AVOID IT
There is Secret Cause Of Nearly All
Worriment Which is to be
Found in the Women
Themselves.

If women only had perfect health
nine-tenths of all the Worrying which
they now do would be avoided. When
a woman is sick she cannot help wor-
rying.
Now the cause of nearly all wo-
mans sickness arises from the same
source. Men get sick from various
causes, but a woman's troubles are
peculiar to herself. 1t is unfortu-
nate. but it is true, and yet nearly
all this trouble might be avoided.
There is a sovereign remedy for wo-
men. Do you ask what it is? Read
what some ladies have said:
Mrs. A. Ludlam, of Chelsea, Mass.
says: childbirth combined with
the grip brought me to the border Of
the grave until my husband and
friends gave me up to die. shall
always be thankful that at that time
/ began the use of a remedy of which
l had heard much, and that l was re-
stored to health and owe my life en-
tirely to Warmers Safe Cure"
Mrs. DIR. O'Delia Blinn, medical
superintendent of the Working Wo-
mans Home, Chicago. says: II pre-
scribe Warmers Safe Cure in my gen.
eneral practice, and it gives me great
pleasure to recommend it,"
Mrs. NJ. L. Tyndale, Of Packerton,
Penn, saws: '.Several years ago 1
began my change of life. and for
nearly three years Icould eat nothing
but crackers and water. 1 had pains
in the back. Inflammation and severe
vomiting spells. l could not sleep,
and was weak and nervous. When
almost, as it seemed, at the brink of
the grave, was restored to perfect
health by the use of Warmers Safe
Cure, and am better than ever before
in my life"
Mrs. c. Murphy. Trumansburg. N.
Y, says: "A few years ago 1 was
troubled with nervous prostration to
such an extent that sleep was well
nigh impossible. and failed rapidly.
Fortunately, my attention was called
to Warmers Safe Cure, and as a re-
suit of its use, l am cured and most
heartily recommend it to all suffer-
ers among my SEX"
Mrs. J. Hallowell. residing at 2137
Seventh avenue. New York, says:
81 have been a great sufferer from
kidney trouble, and any woman who
has been similarly afflicted knows
what / suffered; but I am happy to
say that by the use of Warmers Safe
Cure | have been restored to perfect
health, have recommended its use to
numerous friends, and make this
statement with pleasure"
The list could be prolonged to more
than the space of this paper would
permit, but does it not show that all,
and more than all, that has been as
serted of Warmers Safe Cure, as q
"woman's FRIEND" is true, and will
you not act upon the suggestions
these statements contain?