The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1895-09-17
MODERATE.

Ethelberta in a runaway carriage)-
oh, Tom, let us jump-quick. Tom
Qeisurely) -'Twould only be the trou-
Bile for nothing. We shall be thrown
out in a minute.-Tit-Bits
Customer-What has become of your
assistant? Barher-Started for himself.
He is tired of working by the day, /
suppose. Customer thought you paid
him so much a thousand words Life.
Papa-Did you ask God to give you
your daily bread this morning? Bobby
No. papa; looked in the pantry last
night and saw that there was enough
to last for three days.-Harper's Ba-
gar.
Matter-of-Fact CAPITALIZATION say
you love me, but cannot be my wife.
Is it because I am poor? There are bet
ter things in this world than money.
She-Quite true, but it takes money to
buy them.-Texas Siftings.
Bilks-Come up and hear our new
minister to-day. Nobbs-No, thanks; I
heard him once, and I have always
regretted it. Bilks-Why, I am sure
| you are mistaken. Nobbs-Not a bit of
| it. He is the minister who married US.
l-Tit-Bits.
| Stout Man (whose appetite has been
| the envy Of his fellow boarder)--I de-
clare, have three buttons off my vest.
Mistress of the House (who has been
aching to give him a, hint)--You will
probably find them in the dining-room
sir.-Town and Country Journal.
| Old Mercator Ito little Billy Ducks,
! just left school, who applies for situa-
ton as office boy, and produces tes-
timonial from clergyman)-We don't
want you on Sundays, my good little
boy. Have you a reference from any
| one knows you on week days ?-Sydney
Bulletin.
| st. Peter-SO you want to come into
heaven, Ell? What made you think
| that you could come in here? Shade of
| Henpeck--Well, 1 had always been
| taken in on EARTH and I had a vague
idea that if I came up here I'd be
| taken in again. st. Peter-Come in!--
| Syracuse Post.
| Worse-'fYour husband has been i'll, 2
said the caller.
1 IGpilGt4 lll6 lltlG, WOIIIGu-
looking woman; she has been feeling
very badly. do my best to please him,
but nothing seems to satisfy him."
us his condition critical?"
TITS worse than CRITICAL she answer
ed, with a sigh; cts abusive. Wash
ington Star.
On the Railway Train.-Young Man
Ito clerical-looking gentleman in 'front.'
Pardon me, sir, but this young lady
and / are clippers and anxious to get
married. Can't you perform the cere-
mony? Conductor (over his shoulder
Hold on, young Teller! The manage
ment don't allow any s'tie-up" on this
road-Texas Siftings.
Just in Time.-Mr. Hayton-If ther
suit is worth fifty dollars, as you say.
1 don't see how you can afford to sell
lit fer six-ninety- Mr.. Isaacs (con-
fidentially)-Hark, nlein frendt, I dells
you Something's! I vas a goot Catholic,
undt der briest says I must do pen
lance; so sells you dot suit at a brice
vot nearly bankrupts me!-Puck.
A Scotsman once neatly turned the
tables on an Englishman who had
been a1luding to the number of Scots
in London. "Well," replied the Scot, 81
know place in Scotland where there
are thirty thousand Englishmen who
never go back to their own country u
| why, wherever can such a, crowd be?'i
said the Englishman, to whom the
Scot dryly remarked, SAT Bannoek-
burn. ''-Argonaut.
81 wonder why it is that most lit
tie boys don't want to go to bed when
the times comes?" said Mr.. Simpkins
Its because they're silly donkeys, -