The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1895-09-26

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luctsnJ.y obeyed. That sword was
mightier than the men. However,
+ they did not march IS well after that.
At least, when in sight Of the enemy,
they al sat down in the road and be-
gan taking of their shoes. The gen
eral again drew that terrible sword,
aud as he did so he roared out: What
in he'll are you taking of your shoes
FORE
What for in hell take of shoeo If
no take of shoe how hell can run?"
roared the Portuguese captain in re
turn.
AT this the President, who also
marched barefooted 10 the scene of
the confiict-the better TO encourage
his men and not st all 10 initiate
Washington ST Valley Forge, or TO be
able to go TO town the faster, as his
enemies have said-now whispered in
the ear of his Attorney General.
The point is well taken" answered
the astute Attorney General, .'It is a
legal question, and the law Is with
the lame soldiers
So they all marched along bare
footed 10 within the usual three miles
of our mutual enemies. And here the
first and, let Us thankfully say, the
last blood OF this fratricidal war was
shed. The captain of the brave Ger
man troops was now suddenly and
without warning shot low down on
the bottom of his back; but whether
he did ii in attempting TO draw his
pistol or replace 1t in the scSbbard his
tOrians differ. When we laid him on
his face 10 dress the wound this noble
soldier shed scarce a tear, Then the
President came up, leaning on the
arm Ct his favOrite Cabinet Minister,
both with swords in their right hands
and beautiful little pink Partisan par
asOls in their left. When the Presi-
dent saw how the man was wounded
he promoted him on the spot.
The enemy on the distant noun
tain, suspecting that some. one Of the
brave little sharpshooters might have
got lost in the brush, and that we
were grouped together in Cabinet
meeting TO determine what was best
to do, suddenly ceased firing and
hoisted the poi flag. Immediately
the President called a Cabinet meet
ing to decide what course of action
would have the best influence abroad.
OF course, he didn't care about the
President of the United States, but the
Emperor of Germany, one of whose
brave subjects lay there in his own
gore, and ''Our cousin" to put it in
diplomatic language, the Empress OF
India, and also the Gar of all the
Russias-these must be awed ! awed
The Cabinet decided that it must
stand on its dignity. 1t accordingly
stood, the Greek root infantry formed
in hollow square around the nurse
maids, bottles and baby carriages as
the fearful half black and quarter
black and freckled and red headed
nOn-office holders approached, hav-
ing left their rifles leaning against the !
rocks the r1OIInt al n side
General Wilcox, their leader, who !
spends his summers at Newport and !
his winters in Italy because of a slight !
cough, now cOughed slightly. The !
Cabinet was like q rock around the |
President-a wave-washed rock, where !
waves roar and roll aud-but let US sus- !
pend suspense. After coughing several !
times General Wilcox said he should !
like TO see Attorney General Smith. |
Smith blushed mOdestly and pointed /
his silk Partisan parasOl up at the |
towering President. 1t was enough, |
enough. The President raised his par |
asOl 10 its full height, and told Wilcox |
that he should have to sentence him |
TO death for a few days. For see !
what you have DONE" said the Presi- /
dent, tearfully. This poor man may I
be able to walk about tomorrow, but /
he will not be able to sit up for |
nOQIDs' NlICO& was sorry ne CTlSu;
and so the sharpshOoteTs took him
prisoner.
Bearing our wounded We slowly re-
turned from the field OF battle through |
the great gate and found that the
enemy had preceded Us and had sur
rendered as prisoners of war, and all
asking for an Office if only as police or
to work on the roads. And thus ended |
the one and only war of the Hawaiian !
Islands. The dead were never num-
0ered, but our wounded was counted
and cared for. He was a carriage
trimmer by trade and so the pension
allowed him was not so great as it
would have been had be been a mes
boy or anybody else who has
% make his living sitting down.
This war wears the belt as the most
;ivil civil war that was ever fought in
he annals OF history, ancient or mod
erD, oD all this CORY globe; and if ever
here is another civil war on these
stands, which heaven forbid, it will
De even more civil than this, for there
: only one German carriage-trimmer
n Honolulu and be will not again be
'equiTed to carry a pistol. He has
lone enough.