Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1895-12-04

Siraiuia frfe gress.
HUMOROUS.

licemen around.
Mr. Dantzl.y-I suppose you enjoy the
nightly hops here? Mr.. Wyly-Yes; if
they are properly stewed and corked.
Old Gent-When fortune knocks at your
door, young man, you want to be ready
Young Cent haven't any door / board.
Miss Quizzer-Do you believe all the dis
agreeable things you read in the newspapers?
Miss Buzbuz-I do if they're about people
know.
Tramp-Say, boss, could yer give feller
dime for squarr mea Kind Gentleman
Certainly. If the meal is a good one.
Where is it?
TOMS Harry a good dresser? Dick
Gracious, M; he doesn't know anything
I've seen him wear lay-down collar to a
standup party.
81 will Withdraw my suit" remarked
young johnson, as he counted up his cash
and found that it correspondent with the sum
on his pawn ticket.
B ggar-Yer haven got 10 cents erbout
yer, has yer, b,ss?' The Man-How d
you find tina, out? thought no one knew |
was broke but my-elf.
He-Do you think blondes have more adj
mirers than hrunettes ? Sne-I don't know.
Why not ask ZONE of the girls who have had
experience in b,th capacities?
Alphonse-You never hear of women
cashiers running of' with their employer S
money. Henri-Not often but when it
does happen they take the employer, to.
mo, Willie, dear" said mamma, "no
more cakes to night Don'tyou know you
cannot sleep on II full stomach ?" "Well,
reptile lille, 81 can sleep on my back"
Choley-Thought you were going to mar
~ Miss Kostique Gussie-Going to awsk
h,r to night My chawnc's are about even.
Chow so, deah boy?" "She may say either
YES or No"
"The cofee is richer in color this morning
than usual " remarked the typewriter board
er "Thrre were heavy rains up the river
Yesterday and tie water is muddy, explain
ed The star boa DIR.
Only expenses never exceed my receipts, "
said Hawkins. "Miue d., righed wilkins.
SIN fact, am very much afraid shall
never have any receipts Tor some Of my lat
years expenditures"
Green-By the way, Lamb, what is an
option, anyhow? Lamb-ln my experience,
an option is privilege of buying stock
which i sure 10 go down, or Of selling stock
which is sure to go up.
Fozzleton-E Every time you measure me
for pair of trousers you measure 4 little
hort Ia lor-That isn't my fault Fog
Il top-Wby not? Tailor Because you al
ways come i'm tlar way.
"But papa" p'eaded the loving maid
en-, "he is the only man love" That's
right, rep led the brutal old man, Il am
. al thai daughter of mine does not love
more than one man a; time
Miss Youngwifc Enormously, AT breakfast
IL hope my biscuits suit you, Oh 'rIie.-
Mr. Youngwlf They're superb Why, if
my mother had cooked as well a ihi-, I'm
afraid I would have STAYED with her instead
of marrying you
Manager-We must put "a good deal Of
realm in this wood scene, Can you get
some one toy owl 20 as to resemble bear
Assistant l hink So There are >ixor seven
actor. who haven't received their wages for
10 weeks. I'll call them
"Freder ck," she said to her musical adj
mirer, they say that you steal good many
melodies" "Well, you know, almost all
do that nowadays. You shouldn't blame me
for that" "Oh don't blame YOU r that,
but why don't you cal pretty ones ."
He-Aud you will elope with me to night {?
She-I will. He-What Will your parents
do? Shr-They will wait until we come
back and then give US their blessings He
Pm littl~ afraid they won't She-Tn
deed they will They have both promised.
Herr \. Ito beggar in the street I'll
give you five cents if You will lend me for
half an hour your board with the inscription
81 am deaf AID dumb" ID af Mute-An
right What do you want it FIR? Herr Y.
i an going to barber shop over the way
to geta shave
Mrs Gray-Strange that you should con
suit DR.. Jalap when your husband lisa ply.
scan. Mrs. Black find It more helpful
to consult DR. Jalap. When begin to tell
him about my bad feelings he always asks
me to hold out my tongue. But my husband
only tell, me to hold it
Ar'cruit, wishing TO avoid service, was
brought up for medical inspect n, aud the
Doctor asked: Have you any defects ?"
"Y's, sir; am short-sight-d How can
you prove it?' Easily enough, doctor Do
you Sc that nail up yonder in the wall o.
"Y,s " "Well, don't"
A suburban resident wa" showing off his
home to a Vi itor, and brought his ,ulogistic