Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1895-08-29
HIS SAD PREDIcAMENT.
A Would-Be Swell Loses His Shoes and
His Girl I'm Rain-Storm.

a Would-Be Swell Loses His Shoes and
His Girl I'm . Rain-Storm.
1t was midnight-everything dread
full always happens at that time. The
lightning was flashing and the thunder
roared. 1t was raining everything but
money.
Charley, who was just returning from
. swell "hop." had climbed down from
North Clark street car and sought
the shelter of an awning before DASH
ing around the corner to his boarding
house. He stood for several minutes
discussing the weather, when suddenly
he discovered directly across the street
dark object emerge from the alley,
look cautiously about, and then glide
over the street and in under the very
same awning which was sheltering
him. Then came flash of lightning
and the dark object took the form and
features of one of Charley's friends,
who was also returning from the swell
"hop."
Hello, Jack! Is that you?" said
Charley. 81 see you're working the
alleys now"
Ssh! not SO loud" was the reply.
WnyI WHAT'S upP
well, if haven't played to bloom
in tough luck tonight" growled
Jack, "no mortal ever did," and just
then flash of lightning revealed the
fact that his shoes were missing. 'I've
got cluster of stone bruises on my
left hoof,' he continued, "and enough
on the right one to drive man to the
hospital. For fear of being seen, I've
limped it through the alleys all the
way from my girls house, and, blame
it all, wouldn't care so much if they
hadn't dropped off while she was with
me-"
Dropped off! What do you mean?"
~ mean just what / said-dropped
off. You see 1 told the old gent the
other day that our ball wasn't goin' to
be any hoe down and that I'd have to
have pair of patent feathers in order
to be in the push. So he said I'd either
wear the shoes / had or I'd stay at
home, and just made up my mind tc
fool him. You know he's kind of a
particular old guy, and he's got
burial suit put away in trunk, so as
to have it ready when he goes to Fid-
dler's Green / just went to that
trunk on the sly and dug up the shoes
and slid 'em on. They were just what
the doctor ordered and had luster
on 'em to beat the band. / left 'em over
Ia the next ward. or, rather, they left
me, and if the old gent don't miss 'em
in time, he'll pass out over the great
divide in his stocking feet, and land on
the sunny shore with mess of stone
bruises.
"Well, anyway, things went all o X
tonight till started to take my girl
home in the rain. She only lives
short way from the hall and it was
nearer to walk than take
car, so we both Rugged up tight
in under my shower stick and
made a bee line for her home. /
didn't know that burial shoes were
made of paper, and we hadn't gone far
before the right one sprung a leak,
and then the left one followed suit
l tried to smile and look pleasant
when one of the blamed things quit
me on the corner; half a block fur
Their and the other one got a divorce.
Then we passed street lamp, and my
girl saw what was up, and she said:
oh, Jack, what ever has become of
your shoes?" / tried to act surprised,
but it wouldn't go and she never said
another word after that When said
good night at the gate she just stuck
up her nose and ducked into the house.
l never saw such luck in my life, all
on account of those tissuepaper shoes.
But must be going. old man, I'm
catching cold already. So longw And
Jack shook his friends hand, buttoned
up his coat and disappeared in the al
ley.-Chicago Inter Ocean.