Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1895-06-27
Let Us All Laugh.

This season is to swing all day
In hammock built for two.
Judge.
Teddie-"What are woman's rights,
pa?" Pa-"Everything they want my
boy; always remember that Boston
Courier.
'You seem to be cultivating old
Kaiones. What do you see about him
to admire?'' His daughter Laura
Chicago Tribune.
Nell-''I wouldn't be in your shoes
for anything Belle (sweetly)-"You
couldn't get into them, my dear
Somerville Journal
Mrs Hazeun--''Howi in the world did
your husband get so terribly choked?''
Mrs. Snapper-"Eatin' homeless cod
fish. Boston Courier.
Student ranslating)-"And- er -
er-er-er-went-er - and err"
Professor-"Don't laugh, gentlemen, to,
err is human''-Life
Wife-"That's a perfect dream of
bonnet" Husband-"Yes; but I'll bet
it cost a regular nightmare Of price"
Philadelphia Record.
ut was Henry Clay, was it not, who
said: L would rather be right than
president?'" eyes, but he wasn't"
"How?" "He was left."- Brooklyn
Life
Miss Amateur-"A you musical,
Prof Bisten?' Prof Bisten-"YeS; but
if you were going to play anything,
don't mind my feelings. Sing Sing
Courier.
''You told me- said the weary collec-
tor, "to bring this bill the first" eyes,"
replied the editor, ''but meant the first
time l had any money. Atlanta Con-
stitution
Trolley car Settle, now,
or get off" Dignitied citizen-"What
do you take me for, sir?" Conductor
'Fi' cents, same as anybody else."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
"It seems to me-" observed Cridcus,
that Scribbler's book reads as though
he were addicted to the bottle" eyes,"
assented Wagg. '"To the mucilage bot
tie. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Whyte-'1 thought you said your wife
wrapped up this bundle" Browne-'1
did" Whyte-'You must be mistaken.
There isn't a pin in the wrapping paper
anywhere. ''-Somerville Journal.
The grass was parched until all men
Who gazed on it were panied;
lie bought Il garden hose, and then
1t rained and rained and rained
Washington Star.
''Mr. Triolet," said Mr. Snaggs, with
a facetious air, chow is the poetic IL
cense paid?" with postage stamps,
generally" replied the maker of verses.
with a sigh-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
WHATS the matter, Major?' "The
matter, Miss Tomson?' "WeII, why
are you so sober?' &c g-gracious, Miss
Tomson! you wouldn't like me to be
always intoxicated, would ?'-The
Sketch.
Mrs. Fogg-Only think Of it. They
do say that Mr.. Figg was seen playing
whist last Sunday. Isn't it awful?
Mr.. Fogg-But then you must rcmem-
Der that Figg plays SO poorly-Boston
Transcript
Il hear that you are engaged to a
girl with an ideal. You are likely to
find that sort of girl pretty hard to get
along with" ooh, / guess I am all
right. You see, / am the ideal"-Cin-
cinnati Tribune.
Col. Brown-By Jove! Miss LiIybIcw,
how the costumes and makeup alter
people. l hardly knew you. Miss Lily
blow-Do | look fright then? Col.
Brown-On the contrary, you look
harming.-Judge.
Owner--I want you to sell these
horses for me. Auctioneer-I see their
tails are locked. Well have tc sell
them at wholesale. Owner-W What!
Auctioneer-Wel can't retail them
Philadelphia Record.
Presiding Magistrate-How came you
to enter the premises? Prisoner
Please, your worship, 2 a m., no police
about, an open window Oh the ground
fioor-you would have climbed in your
selfLFliegende Blaetter.
''My expenditures never exceed my
receipts" said Hawkins. mine do,''
sighed Wilkins. 'sIn fact, I am very
much afraid l shall never have any
receipts fo'. some of my last years ex-
penditures. "--Harper's Bazaar.
rso,d Mother-You haven't kissed
+
the baby. Bachelor Uncle-Um-sr
I'll try to remember next time III kiss
her when er-come back from Europe.
"When will that be?' Let me see
About sixteen years New York
Weekly.