davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
BISHOP AND DRUMMER.

In This Case the Drummer Was Rashful
and the Bishop Had Good Horse Sense.
They were seated in the smoking
compartment of the sleeper-the bold,
bad drummer and the portly and dig
nified bishop of northern Oshkeegan,
who had taken temporary respite there
while his berth was being made up.
The drummer, for once in his life,
was not exactly at his ease. He had
an idea that he was out of his class,
and besides he felt the need of his
morning bracer, and also felt afraid Of
shocking the worthy bishop by drink
ing in his presence.
The dignitary of the church was.
however, unconscious of his compan-
ions sufferings, and chatted affably
with him as the miles few by.
Finally he remarked somewhat alb
ruptly. but in his most sanity tones:
81 suppose, my dear young friend,
that. like most travelling men, you are
in the habit of carrying flask of whis-
ky or brandy with you on the road?'
''Oh, thunder" thought the bold, bad
drummer. Now I'm in for a temper
ance lecture, sure!"
But he faltered feebly: Eyes; that
is-er-sOmetimeS."
''And have you anything of the sort
with you now?n persisted the bishop
The drummer admitted he had.
'::Then if I may trespass upon your
hospitality"
''Why, certainly, certainly" cried
the delighted drummer. I'D have
asked you to join me long ago, If I
hadn't thoupht-"
II know, my son." said the bishop.
with a lordly wave of his hand. but
am afraid I caught a bad cold last
night. The result Of the inadequacy
of four-foot blanket for q six-foot
man"
Now, sir, how much will you
have?" said the drummer a moment
later, as he turned the mouth of his
flask towards the glass You needn't
be afraid of it; it's pure"
''Oh, I'm not afraid of it," said the
bishop. Fill her up, my son, fill her
up. I'm getting as hoarse as a frog.
and I've got to preach Tomorrow
Brooklyn Life.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
A RARE DISH.
40 One Ever Heard of CorntGues Unfi
John" Served Them in Jest.

John" Served Them in Jest.
A jovial Brooklyn chop-house keeper
SO conducts his establishment on Sum
days that his patrons are able to listen
to hymns as they sip their cocktails.
He Is really great joker. He is on
terms of great intimacy with his regu-
lar customers, who always call him by
his first name and joke him whenever
they see an opportunity.
One evening habitue of the place,
who had given the Americanized Briton
many a hard rub, entered the chop
house for his evening meal. It was a
hot night, one of those times when no
| one relishes eating and when the APP
petite of man has to be tempted. The
gentleman certainly did not know what
to order.
What have you got, John?'' he asked
languidly of his host.
The latter went through his bill of
fare and enumerated steaks, chops,
soft-shel1 crabs, bluefish, squaks, chick
en- and the like. The list was certainly
sufficient for any man to make a selee-
| ton from, but somehow or other moth
ing mentioned seemed to just suit the
| occasion.
Haven't you anything else?" asked
the customer. Haven't you got any
| little thing -something cold?"
Moves, 1 have, too" replied his
| host, as a thought flashed through his
mind. and he saw an opportunity to
even up an old score. Il have some
fresh corniques. Did you ever try a
cornique, Mr.. Chapman"
John very much wanted his guest
| to ask what a cornique was, but he
didn't. He was too wary for that. He
simply replied: NO, don't know what
it is and don't care. Give me a por-
ton I'd like to be surprised for once
in eating novel dish"
| How to furnish cornique did not for
any great length of time perplex the
| host. He went outside of the kitchen
and presently returned with a platter,
upon which were four objects decked
about with sprigs of parsley and sliced
| tomatoes.
The dish had an appetizing appear
| ance and the guest commented upon
the fact. Then he attempted to fasten
| his fork in one of the corniques. This
was difficult, for the object slipped
about and appeared to be impenetra-
BILE to the fork. Finally it was secured
and the guest made an attempt to cut
off piece Eventually small frag-
ment was secured. It was most I'M
palata BILE in taste and was promptly
| elected.
Il say" shouted the man, in rage,
''take this thing away. What is a
cornique, anyhow"
why, 1 thought you had heard of
them, Mr.. Chapman replied the host,
chucking to himself. Il thought you
were joking when you said you did not
know. They're raw shanks of lam b
cut well down. l gave them the name
myself, but 1 never heard of anyone
| trying to eat them. I guess that at
tempt of yours just about squares us
on that last joke you played on me-
| \. Y. Herald.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

cape and a dressy little French concoc-
ton of MORE, lace, beads and ribbon
will be equally fashionable. About
three of these chic little garments are
needed to really complete a fashion
able woman's toilet. Black will rage
during the entire spring season. Black
crepon takes the lead undeniably and
will be recxoned among the fabrics
suitable for the most stylish and elegant
dinner and visiting gowns of the sea-
son. In many cases costumes of this
material will be elegantly trimmed
with wholly novel jet garnitures, both
on skirt and jacket-bodice.
Creponette is another attractive and
fashionable black textile that will be
used for stylish spring suits. It diff
fers little from the more familiar ere
pom fabrics, yet is even more beautiful
in design and more characteristic in
pattern. It will appear in all wool and
mohair effects, and will be used both
for costumes entire and in combination.
Two-toned basket-weaves of domestic
manufacture will be used for inexpen-
sive walking and travelling costumes.
Armure Francois is also another
novelty among novel dress materials,
this fabric showing an armure ground
with raised silk cord stripe on the
soft wool surface. Fancy iridescent
twill is another and very attractive
style of goods. It is something like an
English serge in weave, only there is
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
WHAT MAY BE EXPECTED.

The Sort Of Examination johnnie Must
Pass ON Going to School
According to an exchange, new pu-
pills in the schools of the future will
have to submit to this examination.
Teacher-Johnnie, have you got .
certificate of vaccination for smallpox?
Eyes, sir"
"Have you been inoculated for
croup?"
Eyes, SIR"
"Been treated with diphtheria
serum?'
Eyes, SIR"
Had your arm scratched with chol-
era bacilli?"
''Yes, SIR
"Have you a written guarantee that
you are proof against whooping-cough.
measles, humps, scarlet fever and old
age?'
Yes, SIR"
..Have you your own private drink
ing cup?"
''Yes, SIR"
''Do you promise not to exchange
sponges with the boy next to you, and
never use any but your own pencil?"
Yes, sir"
xviii you agree to have your books
fumigated with sulphur and sprinkle
your clothes with chloride of lime once
q week?'
''Yes, sir"
''Jonnnie, You have met the first re-
quirements of the modern sanitarians
and may now climb over yonder rail.
occupy an isolated aluminium seat and
begin making P's and Q's as your first
lesson. Times.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
THE END OF THE BRIDE.

A Sad Picture OF the Child-Wife System,
Tolerated in India.
A little girl in India went to the
missionary school; she was a pretty,
clever little thing, and SO attracted the
teacher that she ventured to visit her
in her home. She found the child over
Swallowed by the horror of her ap-
preaching marriage. AS baby she
had been betrothed, but, according to
custom, she lived in her fathers house
till she was twelve; then she was to be
taken from her own people and given
over to her husband, hideous little
man, deformed, his face SCARED with
disease, of bad character, and notorious
ly given to drink.
The child was terrified of him, and
he derived ghoul-like pleasure from
her terror; used to jump at her in the
dark, make faces at her, and told her
that once really married to him and in
his home he and his old mother would
make short work of her beauty with a
red-hot fork, so that it would soon be
difficult to choose between their two
faces.
At last the fatal day arrived. The
missionary's heart ached for the little
friend she was unable to help, and as
she went about her work she prayed
that God might save His hapless Great
ure.
At noon the chi1d's mother burst in
to the house ''Nahomi is dead" she
cried, and the two women hurried to
her home. There was Nahomi, lying
stiff and cold on the floor, looking very
slim and childish in her bridal dress
and smooth, hower-crowned head.
1t appeared she had spent the morn
ing in restless agony of anticipation,
and Ito quiet herr her miserable mother
had beaten her, and that afterward
she had fallen into an apathy of de-
spair.
She had washed her little person and
her hair, had braided it neatly, had
put on her bridal gown. had decorated
herself with flowers and jewelry, and
then had gone quietly into the yard
behind the house, where datura tree
hung its great white trumpets against
the blue sky, dug up and ate little
of its poisonous root, and then crept
back into her home, where she now
lay, cold, stark-free.-Ch Times
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
| wrappers, were the first things to at

wrappers, were the FIRST things to at
tract her attention.
AS they had not been sealed, it was
but few seconds until she was mirth-
fully regarding tine rival musicians OF
the one, and feasting her eyes upon
the prodigal collection of love tokens
contained in the other.
She had scarcely time, on hearing APP
preaching footsteps, to return the val
entines to the wrappers, unconsciously
changing them in her haste, and take
up her broom with as innocent an ex-
preston as the occasion demanded,
when Mr.. Podd hurriedly entered,
picked up the envelopes, sealed them,
and thrust them into his pocket, to-
tally ignorant Of the exchange which
had been made.
That evening after business Mr.. Podd
sought the nearest tonsorial artist, IN
der whose especial care he placed him
self for the next half hour, then he
wendell his happy way to the abode OF
his souls ideal.
Imagine the CONSERVATION OF the
hapless Mr.. Podd, who, on presenting
himself to the fair Miss Melinda, Sc
cure in the expectation of cordial
greeting-nay, perhaps tender one
found himself met with chilling scorn,
while that young lady dramatically
waved him hence.
"Begone! you villain" she wrathfully
exclaimed, in true stage parlance, and
with another tragic wave of her hand.
"Why, Miss Melinda" began the as
| founded Mr.. Podd.
''Dou't Miss Melinda me, you base
hypocrite, your' screamed the young
lady, allowing her temper to overcome
her prediction for heroics-
''Great Jupiter! My dear Miss Me,
linda" stammered the unfortunate
Mr.. Podd.
''Go-' cried Miss Melinda, in still
shriller tones. Must have you
elected from this apartment? Mari
she added, opening the door leading
into the back room, ''here is this con
temptible puppy, Podd."
| Has he come back here ag'in?" and
the irate mother appeared upon the
scene. Maybe he come to see if you,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

In collecting his ARREARS sad more IN
dulgent in many of the minor workings
OF the esta bl;shment. including choice
morsels at the table and a thoughtful
supervision OF his wardrobe and room.
Owing to these several advantages
he fingered on, yet refused to allow his
perverted heart to be softened by the
Establishments of the daughter more
than was essential to his own COM
fort and convenience a. a privileged
boarder.
When he wished an extension OF
credit or to secure some especial favor
Mr. Podd was won't to escort his land
lady's daughter. in whose fashioning
nature had neglected to include any
comeliness, to some place of worship OF
to an entertainment where the price OF
admission was most moderate, suffer
ing untold anxiety the while lest the
odious Tom Jones should be baskino
in the sunlight of Miss Melinda's pres
ence during this voluntary exile on his
part.
Mr.. Podd's finances were slowly re
covering from the severe drain to
which they had been subjected during
the Christmas. February he was walk.
ing leisurely from business towards his
lodgings, calculating a method by
which he might be able to pay some
bills, long since due, yet retain suff
Gent surplus to treat the fair Melinda
to sleigh ride, recklessly promised a,
time when the weather gave strong
and almost certain indications of verg
ing into balmy spring. while, with a
perversity known in no other thing
save women, it now gave as positive
evidence.of a speedy fall of snow.
As he passed down the street his at
tention was drawn to a crowd gathered
before a stationer's window, and promi
nent among them was the ever obnox
ious Tom Jones, who, with the others
was absorbed in the contemplation OF
a display of valentines.
At once the green-eyed monster sug
gested the idea that this exasperatine
rival was even then engaged in select
ing one of those dainty missives by
means of which he might convey to the
object of their common admiration ar
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
Instinct Stronger Than Reason.

A man on Lake Huron steamer hao
the only specimen of black rattlesnale
/ have ever met with. 1t was about the
size of an ordinary garter snake and
as vicious as Satan. 1t was confined IN
q strong box covered with thick plate
glass. When anyone would touch the
glass with his finger the snake would
strike the under side opposite the fin
ger as quickly as a stroke of lightning.
The experimental would always jerk
away as suddenly. There was not a
man on board, however muscular and
free from nervousness, who could keep
his finger to the glass when the snake
would strike, although knowing that
it could not possibly touch him. Strong
men would try it again and again. GER
tain of their ability to endure the test.
but with the same result--Cincinnati
ENQUIRER
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

accurate state of his feelings, and Mr..
Podd at once decided on adopting SIM
liar measures in an avowal of the pas
salary.
Now, it would seem that from we'll
stocked assortment of valentines. one
might readily make selection, but
Mr. Podd found difficult task.
Many of these dainty messengers ap-
peared too cold and Indifferent to suit
the critical taste of this customer;
others were of too obscure a nature to
portray the proper intensity of emo
ton that stirred the profound depths
of Mr.. Podd's soul.
Finally he chose one, in which arrow
pierced hearts and very fat cupids-
who were evidently in the same plight
as Flora McFlimsey - together with
congenial doves, clasped hands, mot
toes of truth. fidelity, constancy and
devotion, with other symbols repre-
senting a harmonious state of affairs
generally, were scattered prodigally
over gilded paper in filigree design
Added to this was an amatory sonnet,
wherein dove, love, bliss. kiss, etc,
Va
choicest machine poetry, while the
finale was suggestive sketch OF a de-
voted couple before an altar. and ofticl-
ating clergyman, with another fat GU
pid in the background, wearing a
highly -contented expression and
nothing else.
As Mr.. Podd turned to 60 his eyes
fell on pile of comic valentines which
lay near.
Some one has said the destiny OF a
nation turns frequently upon small
pivot. That of an individual is often
as delicately poised.
This careless glance proved the turn
ing point which overthrow fortune
and enthroned her unwelcome kins-
woman in the near future of Mr.. Podd' 8
existence.
The topmost valentine portrayed a
spinsterIy-lool1ing female, seated at an
antiauated piano which she was be
laboring in blood-curdling way in &C
compartment to some operate gem,
supposed to be issuing from her very
extensive mouth. An unhappy feline,
| with arched back. distended eyes and
enlarged caudle appendage, lifted up
| her agonized wall from an adjacent
| fence. Below this sketch was a verse,
| in which comparison between the two
singers was much in favor of the cat.
| An evil thought, perhaps, born OF
recent request for arrears for board
tentered the mind of Mr.. Podd to be
stow this souvenir OF ST. Valentine on
the landlady's daughter, who also
.hrummed the piano, and acting on the
sudden impulse he bought the missive.
J When at his lodgings he directed
| both valentines. feeling secure on the
one hand that his landlady-s daughter
was not familiar with his pennian
ship. and writing on the sentimental
| one the initials, J. c. P, that Miss
! Melinda might not mistake the sender
On St. Valentines day, Mr.. Pode
arose somewhat later than usual, and
hurriedly went Gown to breakfast
forgetting the two missives lying upoI
the table in his room.
While he was eating the maid-of-all
work started on her cleaning tour, and
with the proverbial acuteness tina
enables members of her ilk to detec
anything save dirt or disorder, the tw'
forgotten valentines. In their whit
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

One of the large tea firms in New
York has been exhibiting in its show
windows small tablets of compressed
tea, or, as they are described, tabloids
of pure tea. These tabloids are about
an inch and a half wide by two inches
long, and about half inch in thick
ness. The firm claims as the virtues of
this tea that it is strictly pure, of
superior quality, free from, woody
fiber, and without the large proportion
of inferior leaf and dust SO often found
in common tea. The Ia bloids look very
much like the chocolate squares dis
played in confectioners' windows, as
they are nearly of the same color. and
the tea is pressed so firmly and COM
pactly that the tabloids present q
smooth surface. Each one contains an
exact quantity and yields an infusion
Of uniform strength.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
A Matter of Compromise.

Gonebigh-You and your wife al.
ways seem to get on admirably to-
gether. How do you manage it?7
Levelhead-We came to an under
standing early in our married life. and
have kept things up ever since on the
basis we established then.
Tell me about it."
swell, when we first went to house
keeping my wife wanted liner sheets
and l wanted cotton ones, and
Well
well, we compromised by having
linen sheets. Amusing Journal.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
Why He Failed.

Scriber-I hear that Brummel's so
ciety paper, Cay Gaddings," has gone
up the spout.
Wrighter-No? You don't say SO.
How did that happen?
Scriber-Well. the trouble was Brurn-
mel tried to saved space when writing
up 4 dance by saying that the gowns
worn by certain women were fully de-
scribed in previous issue.-BrooklyD
Life.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

CnaG GnOS IN
re vers IN
front, and
t b e gar
m e n t 8
trimmed all
around with
r. " s o I
hand so ~ g
gimp. in jet
or silk. Most
of the beau
tiful or ay
cos t u M e s
are g IA y
throughout
A few, how
ever, have a
uch Of
Adelicate col
2or showing
on the vest
and some
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

-Cupid's Cunning and Cataracts--
Cupid may be blind sometimes, but it
takes him about two-tenths of a second
to see through the anonymous part OF
a MISUNDERSTANDING Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

lace in rich chantilly or Spanish
guipure patterns. New satin and
brocade capes are made in full cir
cular style, and are yariously deco
rated with jet, passementer:e. gimp,
lace and satin ribbon. Chine effects
in tafseta silks find grea. favor with
shoppers for early spring textiles
This is to be veritable silk year.
and novelties among the chine patterns
show combinations of two or three
colorB like stem-green, rose and pale
gold.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

The man who lacks the courage
necessary to inspire an anonymous let
ter now gathers his forces and sends Z
comic Observation-Disclosures Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
A Real Practical Girl

Young Tutter-I came near sending
you a valentine yesterday, Miss Clara,
and then 1 thought you were too prac-
teal girl to care for such thing.
Miss Pinkerly - You are entirely
right, MIR. Tutter. For instance,
would much rather go to the theater.-
Truth
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

q ucl1Cdtc oC
ign on the
surface, an d
the cloth is
ir;ae sc e n t.
We
AID recherche
are ll.o 10
made coat> OF
plain satin,
uoire striped
with satin. or
b la ok satin
figured wit b
small black
dots or bios.
SONS. These
b re n l l
sleeves q n d
e | O b o r a t g
shoulder trim
mings of black
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14
An Impolite Question.

She was an elderly female who on
several occasions appeared as witness
before Judge Duffy, and he remem-
bered her very distinctly.
How old are you?" he asked
''Twenty-six."
''Twenty-six? But were you not
much older than that year before last
vixen yoa were hers?"-Texas SlftingA
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

cat still out-squalled you," she said 10
harsh and sarcastic tones, as she con-
fronted the bewildered victim of their
| joint accusations.
''Or to have my voice remind him of a
| file on a cross-cut saw" rejoined
the daughter with a little hysterical
sob. 20, mar! drive him away. I
can't bear the sight O. him"
MY child. don't let such misera-
BILE creature disturb you," said the
mother, soothingly; then, pointing to
the outer door, said:
''Get right out o here, an don't put
your foot nigh this house ag'in. E1was
a man I'd learn you how to insult I'M
protected ladies'" she added, as part
ing injunction when Mr.. Podd, with
his hand pressed to his head in dazed
sort of way, turned and fed into the
darkness.
An hour or two afterward, as he
stole dejectedly into his lodgings he
met at the door his landlady's daugh-
ter, who had his sentimental valentine
| in her hand, and beamed upon him a
happy smile.
'.Oh, Mr.. Podd-' she tenderly ex.
claimed, ''how can I ever thank you
for this too awfully lovely valentine:
I've been watchin' for you ever since
supper. Do come into the parlor,
where there is a nice warm fire an
things look coy"
Poor Mr.. Podd! He muttered some
thing about being consumed by rag
ing headache, and declining all prof
fered remedies he went hastily to his
room, where, locking himself securely
within, he gave up fully to the anguish
of the hour.
It is a cause for little wonder, there
fore, that any allusion to St Falen
tines day now causes deep depression
to settle on his once susceptible heart
and chill to pervade his sensitive
heinp-Qetroit Free Press.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

.LIUS CESAR
PODD was a
clerk in a retail
dry goods store.
1t is difficult
to imagine that
an individual
bearing SO his
toric a baptis-
m a | n a N e
should be d e
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-02-14

on who capture hearts II
plenty.
Golden-haired and gay.
You will get some ten or twenty
Valentines to-day.
Each one with Its message tender
Owning absolute surrender
OF the true heart OF the sender:
Such Is Cupid's way.
You viii find my own confession
In among the rest
Il Is every mans impression
That you love him best
So, like nine or nineteen others
OF my sentimental brothers.
am one who vainly smothers
Love within his breast
But I know you. little dirt you!
Hope: Indeed, I've none
That's the very vine Of virtue
Frozen by your fun
Every line Of love you'll parry.
OF these twenty men who tarry.
Then. at last go of and marry
Number twenty-one.
Felix Carmen. in Life