The herald., 1895-06-30
HUTCHISON'S COURT

This court having been informed by
the janitor that 1t did not shave itself
after II m. on May 3Oth last past; that
the courthouse clock was quarter fast
or that day: that this court qad really
com mpleted the job of shaving itself at
or before IL so a. m. on that fatal day;
therefore, it is ordered that the rascally
barber who was caught in the atrocious
crime of polishing off customers chin
at tie unholp hour of 1905 pm. on the
same day, be burned at the stake; that
the charred remains be hung, drawn and
quartered that the fragments remaining,
suffer the further indignty of being car
ried to the grave by the last California
legislature in the capacity OF pali-bear-
ers.
The lunatics who are making undue
observations of and concerning the femi-
nine pantaloonatics who bestride bicycles
and Hit athwart the gaze and fiirt before
the eyes uf the gazers are hereby notified
that they must cease giving the panta-
loonatics the notoriety for which they
pant.
In view of the fact that Saturday is the
busiest dav OF the week. all the banks of
the city are hereby ordered to be closed
at 1880 am. on that day, in order TO
lessen the volume of business and to give
the weary bankers more time to fish and
ride bicycles and attend the divine SER
vices at Athletic park. The busy mer-
chants and other thrifty citizens have
been imposing Oh the humble and con-
fuing bankers for two long. weary hours
every Saturday for a long time past, and
it is ordered that the said banker retail
ate by onfscatng 10 per cent Of all the
money imposed upon them for safe. keep
ing.
The majority of the public, pubicans
and republicans have acquired a consid-
cradle degree OF skill in the difficult art
of weighing packages to be mailed, and
in reading the requirements for stamping
them at all hours of the day and night.
Therefore it is ordered that the United
States government procure scales of suit
able size and put them in the foyers of
the present postal palaces for the accom-
mediation of the few remaining citizens
who have strength and sense enough to
work for themselves after they have toiled
for others through all the business hours.
The government is also ordered to be-
ware of all slot machines and other time
and labor-saving devices which would
enable the public to procure postage
stamps at odd hours or in convenient
seasons for working people or travellers.
Wary Harren, who lately undertook to
conceal his brain power and appear as mad
as the major portion of mankind, is
hereby awarded gold medal and a GER
tifcate stating that his brain power is not
IN any manner contemplate.
= = y
The Fourth of July committee having
reported that it can furnish put three
floats to carry small school children in
the parade. 1t is ordered that patriotic
people and unpatriotic howlers about
patriotism who have plenty Of wagons do
forthwith prepare the said wagons at
slight expense for the carriage of the
small school children of the CITY desiring
ana tnat a list of such wagons be at once
left with the said committee at ]. D. o.
+. hall.
The other dancing masters of the city
are hereby notified to begin to initiate
the example of Professor w. H. Sim
mons. who Is training the pupils of the
Rosedale school free of charge. that they
may make the competitive drill worth
looking at and worth the premium BAN
ner offered.
The other school IN alters aud cases OF
| interest on the court calendar are taken
under ad visement and will be decided at
this court alone.
Done in the supreme court of pnblic
opinion, in the city Of Los Angeles, on
the 2Sth> day of June. in the rear of the
enslavenlent of the people.r the Odd, ds!t2
.ag EDWARD HUTCHINSON, Ia
".s5s1a Chief Justice Presiding,