Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-12-16
JUST FOR FUN.

An article you can always borrow
Trouble.
A singular fact-to- day will be yes
terday, morrow.
True, time flies fast, but every mu-
stefan on any note can beat time.
Cure for blind man: get married;
that will be sure to open your eyes.
Good intentions are like fainting la
dies-all they want is to be carried
out.
The notes that compose favorite
tunes-Bank notes; they make for
tunes.
1t is easier to recover an umbrella
| after it is worn out than to recover it
after it is loaned.
What if that which makes every
person sick, excepting those who
swallow it? Flattery.
Insults are like counterfeit notes
can not prevent their being offered,
but we can refuse to take them.
Shells it true that married men
live longer than single ones? He-No!
1t only seems longer to them.
Why is baby like wheat? Because
it is first Graded, then thrashed, and
finally becomes the flower of the fam
lily.
Many persons write articles and
send them to an editor to be correct
ed-as if an EDITORS Office was a,house
of correction.
A Chinese proverb declares that ga
woman's mouth leaks secrets;" in
which case we would advise that the
roof of the mouth must be shingled.
"Of she goes" said a lady, speaking
of the train as it was sta1 ting. "You
have mistaken the gender, madame"
said gentleman; "this is a mail
train.''
ssWhat time does the last train
leave?n asked the traveller. And the
gatekeeper at the depot gave him a
a naughty look and replied, 'When
the road quits business"
The Deacon's Wife-I hope you have
been careful about the new minister's
qualifi cations? The Deacon Yes.
We made him define exactly what he
means by "a few Words
"No, Willie, dear,' said mamma,
''no more cakes tonight. Don't you
know you can not sleep on full
stomach" "Wen," replied Willie,
81 can sleep on my back"
Lady (to little boy in the street,
What is your name? II don't know,
num-" ''But you surely have name.
What does your father say when he
wants you?" 'Beer, num-
Johnny-What's the difference be-
tween a visit and a visitation? PA
visit, my son, is when you go to see
your grandmother on your mothers
side. Yes. A visitation is when she
comes to see us.
1t doesn't pay to worry. Have a
good time yourself and let the other
fellows do all the worrying. If you
follow this advice strictly the chances
are that they will have some worry
ing to do.
Uncle Mose-Good mornin, deacon.
Wha' for youse gwine and tied dem
boxin' gloves on de ole mules hind
feet? Deacon-Dis ere mule is a hard
hitter, and it's agin de law to use bare
nukels, so Pee put de gloves on him.
Mankind is divided into two great
classes of fools-the incredulous and
the deluded. You will understand, of
course, that the first class are fools in
the estimation Of the second, and that
the second class are in general fools
only in the estimation Of the first.
A district school teacher in New
Hampshire has had great difficulty in
explaining adverbs to class of chill
dren. After toiling faithfully with
them, he said: ''Bring in list Of ad-
verbs tomorrow. Remember that a
great many adverbs end in ly." The
next day one boys list began, "slow-
ly, lastly, lily, emily"
DIR. Guinness Rogers, the we'll
known Congregational minister of
England, was recently in Oban, Scot
land, and was expected to preach. AS
is customary, the town crier's servic-
es were invoked to secure an audi
ence, and the people learned that they
were to listen to Dr. Genesis' Rogers,
until DR.. Rogers son heard the man,
stopped him and corrected the distor
ton.
ssYes,n said little Jim to his juvenile
friend, "Pm gointer run away from
hOmo1