New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1895-01-02
Story
Te|Isr's
Corner.

Indianapolis, and was allowed to stand
fifteen minutes IN the aisle. Then he
walked over to another aisle, but nc
Christian offered him a seat. By andby
after he got tiled out standing, he leaned
over to brother who had his light un
der bushel, and ventured to inquire
.What church is this?" "Christ's church
sir Christ's," said the church member
impatiently. "Is he in?' asked the man
meekly.
One night Oscar Wilde was in Wash.
ington. and there were many senator's and
congressman present. The long haired
aesthetic was delivering himself of an
eloquent TRADE against the invasion OF
the sacred domain of art by the meaner
herd of trades people and miscellane Gus
nobodies, and finally, rising to an Alpine
height of scorn, exclaimed: GAY, all you
here are Philistines Philistines !''
"What does Oscar call us?' asked Hen
ry Watterson of John Sherman, who sat
in front.
''He calls us Philistines," said Sher.
man, softly.
II see," said Watterson, "we are Phil
istines, and that, I reckon, is why we are
being assaulted with the jawbone of an
ass''
Eli Perkins got this off: One day Bel
mont, the agent of the Rothschilds, asked
Buffalo Bill if he ever saw pack of live
wolves.
"Been chased by 'um hundreds of
times, sir. Once I flowed it was all up
with us. The bronchos was runnin' so
fast that they almost spun the wheels
often the buckboard; but the wolves
gained on us at every jump. Then. as a
desperate resort, just as the ravenin' an
lmals was surroundin' us, I took the
stranger who was ridin' with US by the
neck an pitched him out. Jest as he lit,
heered him holler: "rm a real estate
agent"
''Of course they tore him to pieces be-.
fore your eyes," said Belmont.
"Nope! They all shook hands with
him, called him brother, an asked him
how business was up in Kansas
Eli Perkins, says Alex Sweet, was
wounded at Gettysburg by 1oinie- ball
through his right leg. The other day
Eli made nice retert when an editor
maliciously referred to his game leg:
ats not fair" said Eli, ''for you to at
tack my weakest part. Did I ever at
tack your brains?"
Judge Olds of Richmond was once ex-
amining man who had pleaded guilty
OF bank robbery.
"Did you have any confederates?"
asked the judge.
"No, jedge," said the prisoner, "the
fellows that helped me WAS democrats
o course, but they wasn't rebs."
Stephen Girard's will prohibited clergy
men from ever entering the doors of
Girard College. One dayHorace Greeley, i
who usually wore white tie, and other
wise looked like Methodist clergyman,
was passing in when the janitor shouted
''Here, you can't pass in here, sir; the
rule forbids it, ~
"The - I can't" replied the excited
editor. .% @ ~
"All right, sir." rejoined the janitor;
t'pass right in"
"What do you mean by -evident?'
asked President Webster of Union Col
lege Of his mental philosophy class.
Il don't know, sir, replied the student.
'sWell, I will toy and illustrate" said
the president. "Speaking about mythol-
ogy--suppose should ask you if there
was ever such aperson as the sfool- killer9',
- should say don't know never
met him.
..That is self evident " said the doc:
tor. s..4
o
s.Ah, ] have an impressiony' y exclaimed
the-late DR.. McC Gosh, president Of Primo
ton College, to the class in mental phil
osophy one day. CHOW young gentle
men, {, continued the doctor, as he touch
ed his head with his forefnger, sscan you /
tell me what an impression is9
q know, !" said Mr.. Arthur, ian i'm
preston ~ il 9 dent in 9 soft place.