Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1895-12-20
THE WALLER BABY.

I hev allus he'd good opinion Nv the
wimmin folks. I don't look at 'em as
some people do; Nv course they re ne
cessity-just as men are. Wv course II
there warn't no wimmin folks there
wouldn't be no men folks-leastwlse
that IS what the medikil books say. But
never WIZ much on discussin humln
economy. What I hev allus thought md
said wuz that wimmin folks wuz kind
nv luxury, md the best kind too. Maybe
it's because hahn he'd much to do with
'eln that I'm sot on 'em. Never did get
real well acquainted with more'n three
or four Nv 'em in all my life. Seemed
like it wuz meant that shouldn't hev
'e1n round me as most men hev. Mother
died when I wuz little tike, md Amt
Mary raised me till I wuz big enuff to
make my own Twin. Down here in the
southwest, you see, most Nv the girls is
boys. There amt none Nv them sivilizln
influences folks talk uv-nothin but
flowers nd birds md such things as
poetry tells about. So kind Nv growed
ND with the curis notion that wimmln
folks wuz too good for our part Nv the
country. md I hewitt quite got that no.
tion out'n my head yet.
One time-waal, I reckon 'twuz
about four years ago-I got letter
frum ole Colonel Sibley to come up to
Saint Louey md consult with him bout
some stock int'rsts we had together.
Railroad travelin wuz no new thing to
me. I he'd been prutty p 'osperous-hed
got past hevin to ride in a cabboose md
git out at every stop to punch up the
steers. He'd money in the Hoost'n bank
nd use to go to Tchicargo oncet year.
He'd met Fill Armer md shook hands
with him, md oncet the city papers he'd
a colume article about my bein a mil
lionaire. Nv course It warn't so, but
Teller kind Nv likes that sort Nv thing,
you know.
The mornin after I got that letter
from Colonel Sibley started for Saint
Louey. I took bunk in the Pullman
car, like I he'd been doin for six years
past, md reckon the other folks must
hev thought wuz heapuv man, for
every half hour give the niger hat
dollar to bresh me eff. The car wuz full
Nv peop]e-rich people too, reckon, for
they wore good clo'es md criticised the
scenery. Jest across frum me there wuz
lady with big, fat baby-the prutti-
est woman I he'd seen in month Nv
Sundays, md the baby-why, doggone
my skin, when I wuzn't payin money to
the niger, darned if ] didn't set there
watchin the big, fat little cuss, like he
wuz the only baby I ever seen. I amt
much of hand at babies, cause hahn t
seen many NV EN-, md when it comes
to handlin 'em-why, that would break
me all up, md like IS not 'twould
break the baby all up too. But it has
allus been my notion that mex to the
wimmin folks babies wuz jest about
the incest things Oh earth. So the more
! locked at that big, fat little baby set
tin in its mothers lap cross the way,
the more I wanted to look. Seemed like
/ wuz hoodooed by the little tike, nd the
first thing I knew. there wuz water in
my eyes. Don't know why it is, but it
allus makes ne kind Nv slop over to set
nd watch baby ccoin nd playin in its
mothers lap.
"Lcok a hyar, SAM" says to the
niger, "come hyar md bresh me off
agin Why amt you tendin to bizniss?"
But it didn't do no good It all. Per-
tendin TO be cross with the niger might
fool the other folks in the Car, but it
didn't fool me. wuz dead stuck on
that baby-gol durn his pictur. And
there the little tike set Oh it's mothers
lap, doublin up its fists md tryin to
swaller 'em, nd talkin like to its moth
er i'll lingo I couldn't understan, but
which the mother could, for she talked
back to the baby in a soothin lingo
which couldn't understan, but which
] liked to hear, md she kissed the baby
ND stroked it's hair md petted it like
wimmin do.
1t made me mad to hear them, other
folks in the car criticism the scenery md
things. A man S in mighty poor bizness
anyhow to be lookin at scenery when
there's woman in sight-a woman
nd a baby!
Prutty soon--oh, maybe in a hour or
two-the baby began to fret nd worrit,
Seemed to me like the little critter wuz
hungry. Known that there wuzn' It no
eatin house this side Nv Bonneville, I
jest called the trainboy md says I to
him, "Hev you got any yictuals that
will do for baby?"
GLOW is oranges md bananas:' says
he.
"That ought to do" sez L "Jest do
up dozen Nv your best oranges md
dozen Nv your best bananas md take 'em
over to that baby with my compli-
ments -
But before he could do it the lady he'd
laid the baby Oh one Nv her arms nd
he'd spread shawl over its head nd
over her shoulder, md all Nv a suddin
the baby quit worrin an seemed like he
he'd gone to sleep.
When we got to York Crossin look
ed out'n the SYinder md seen some men
carryin long pine box up toward the
baggage car. Seem their hats off, kneW
4here WIZ dead body in the box, nd l
couldn't help feelin sorry for the poor
creetur that he'd died i'll that lonely
place Nv York Crossin, but I mought
tev felt a heap sorrier for the creeters
that had to live there, for I'll allow that
York Crossin is leettle the durnedest
lonesomest place I ever seen.
WAL, jest afore the train started
agin, who should come into the car but
Bill Noodson, md he wuz lookin pow
erful tough. Bill herded cattle for me
three winters, but he'd moved away
when he married one nv the waiter girls
at Spooner's hotel at Hoost'n.
"Hello, Bill!' says I. 'What air you
totin SO kind Nv keerfullike in your
arms there?'
"Why, I've got the baby says he,
md as he said it the tears come up into
his eyes.
"Yoslr own baby, Bill" says I.
EYES," says he. "Nellie took sick Nv
the ian1ers a fortpi oht aca 'nd-,pd cha