Birmingham age-herald., 1895-04-28

our usual high spirits, some fish hooks and can full of red worms. We had a | double-seated rig and pair of mules fos | our personal conveyance, and burro | train in the rear for our provisions. We
 made an imposing spectacle as we wound | slowly out of town down the big road. | The citizens all seemed duly impressed | with the whole business, which speaks
 well for this enterprising city. Our cara
 van is still the talk of the town, espe-
 cially in religious circles and among the | nobility. We never do things by half, 2not by durn sight.
 | This Is Tough-A wild-haired, tangled
 eyed individual rushed into our office the | other day, and before we had time to de- fend ourself he sailed into us in the fol-
 lowing manner: MT. Editor, I came to : you because 1 know you are good and 1 true, and will tell a fellow what to do to get out of the deucedest stew. I met girl
 not long ago and Cupid grasped his little 1 bow; he aimed at me and let her go. His aim was true and laid me low. I was not happy till I'd married, and then wished that had tarried, for the girl thought all graces carried was a walking ad' for old man Carried, the man who makes l those fine cork limbs; he makes them I large or fat or slim, and he don't care whether for she or him, he turns them | out to suit their whim. The girl I loved had two of these, the fact she kept from l me if you please. until I'd paid the preachers fees and we stepped out in I the evening breeze; then as we walked along the street she told me that she had | no feet; the things that had thought so neatwere chunks of cork instead of meat. | This made me feel little sad, but after | all it wasn't so bad as if she'd lost her | legs, begad so I rallied up my spirits and said, it matters little to me, my dear, so long as the rest of you are here; for | the missing feet I certainly care, but l their absence is easy for me to bear. We reached our room and oh, great Scott! | she took off an arm she must have forgot | when telling me of her SorroWful lot and | I began to wonder what prize I'd got She | next took off a lot of hair, that left spot | so white and bare it filled my soul with l fierce despair Spellbound I sat do de- clare. I thought I was crushed between | two bumpers when out of her mouth she | took two bumpers. l was always some | thing of jumper, so out of the window went, kerthumper. l rushed down | tow" Here we motioned to our bouncer | and the stranger was led gently to the | door and started in the direction of the millpond.
 A good many men of this town are fast going to glory via the alcoholic route. It is painful sight to see so many of our
 leading and highly respected citizens parading from the Alligator over to the Little Dewdrop, and then turning down towards the Spotted Dog. Keeping up
 this circuit all day is likely to lead to an early grave, and if Mayor Lushton and the two members of the city council who were so beastly drunk last week were sent to the work house 1t would probably have good influence on several other old red-eye repositories around town. Wa
 
 only drinks quart or two day, but it is disgusting to see man make hog of himself.
 Last Friday about the hour of noon Nick Thompson and Holy Smoke Jones got into an altercation with six shooters about purely private and personal mat ter. They. each pulled trigger as long as the pop lasted, and when the atmosphere cleared it was discovered that Holy Smoke had gone to his reward, and Nick had lit out for some other place. Nick has not been heard from since, but Holy
 Smoke has been enjoying notoriety that never came to him in life. He has headed the biggest funeral procession seen in these parts for many years He has been prayed and sung over and lauded away up wonder by everybody regardless of how low his spirit sunk when 1t left this earth. Men, women and babies attended the funeral in a manner and in numbers that plainly showed how much good it did them. Holy Smoke was not noted in these parts for drawing Sunday school prizes and staying away from the creek on the Lords day. His reputation rather savored of the unkempt and riotous. And his capacity for standing up around mean whisky was preverbial. But he Is now hence, and the veil of charity should be flung around him, and the mantle of mercy placed upon his we'll rounded shoulders. Holy Smoke is dead, and we are going to try to find something good to say about him this week, if the job does not interfere too seriously with our regular work. He died game enough. There never were any insects on Holys nerve. He was a fighter, and we don't know of any mean advantage he ever