Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1895-03-14
PITH AND POINT.

-Hicks-.Gray says that he owes
everything to his wife" Wicks-.'Oh,
no, that can't be. He owes me ten dol
lars. Boston Transcript.
-Tom-.sDidn't the encore unnerve
Miss Twitter?" Jess-.'Not bit; she's
used to having the neighbors pound ON
the floor when she sings. Judge.
what sort of a person is Willough-
by, anyhow?" utterly negative. He
has no mind at all. Why, really, that
fellow let's his wife buy his neckties-"
-Harper's Bazaar.
-Blobbs-''Do you think the aver
age me is as stupid before he marries
as he is afterward?" Cynicus-"Cer-
tainly, or he wouldn't get married. -
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs Ashpen-''I found it almost
impossible this morning to get man
to shovel snow.n Mrs. Dustbin-''PoOr
fellows! suppose they're all too busy
looking for work. Gazette
-"Trimmins has q first-rate voice."
said the critic at the concert" but he
always comes in behind time" yes"
replied the man who lends money. II
guess it's force of habit. Trimmins'
notes are always overdue. Washing
ton Star.
George dear Miss Laura, the
highest wish I have in life is to
marry" Laura Gnterrupting HIM
You had better speak to my mother"
George-''Oh, thanks. I'never before
thought 1 had any chance" Laura
''Iknow she would like to marry again"
-Fliegende Blatter.
81 Tf-sSMry
marked Mrs. Smuggs to her husband,
"what do you think of the anti-theater
hat bills now under consideration by
various legislatures" WELL" he re-
piled, refectively, 81 have not given
them muck thought, but if they are
anything like the hat bills that come
before me. should unhesitatingly say
that it will take immense apprOpria-
tions to meet them. Free
Press.
"A newspaper funny man has in
| vented not an absolutely fresh, but a
comparatively new joke upon a very
old subject. Miss Timid was talking
| about her own nervousness, and her
| various night alarms Ibid you ever
| find a man under your bed, Mrs.
| Bluff ?" she asked. "Yes," said that
worthy woman. 1.-The night we thought
there were burglars in the house 1
| found my husband there."-Youth's
Companion.
History Repeating Itself in Ad-
| vance -"Hark!' exclaimed the consul
| as tremendous shout rushed up the
street and reverberated through the
forum; ''what noise is that, Lucullus?
Methinks the VOlscians must be COM
ing DER the wall" NAY" respondit
Lucullus, at is only John L. Spartacus
addressing the gladiators in the arena
| and offering to wager ten thousand
serstices against all Corners" ''Sed ct
! tuum," unused the consul, softly, while
the sun, which had been going down
| the Appian Way, with low shudder
| vanished from sight.-Rockland Trib-
une.
my friend" said the candidate for
sheriff of Cheyenne. drawing one
eyed stranger close to his means of
livelihood, ''do you want to make Eve
| dollars easy tonight" ''Yep." GAIL
right. When I say in my speech, SIS
there a man among you who will deny
| in the rear of the hall and shout, Yes,
sir, will. You are liar and I can
prove it! and read from this clipping
Then will call you down and make
you ridiculous, but you viii get the v.
nevertheless. IS it Ro?" "Nope."
''Why not?" II tried the same thing
in Butte City q year ago, and the can
didate jumped on me 30 hard that the
audience kicked me out of the hall and
rode me out of town on rail. l didn't
get the five. either. Try it on some
one else-Tve been there."-Bostou