St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1895-01-13
THEY GATHER IN CROWDS,
And Play Thunder With the
. i Peace and Dignity Of
=. Gi the Office.
THEY WANT QUEER THINGS,
And Get Mad if They Can't
Own the Paper and
the People.

Since l left politics and came on the
desk 231 things have tried to make an
ass of me. All OF them succeeded ex-
cept the number mentioned, and | am
still here waiting for more. It's proba-
bly, only question Of time when one of
them makes success of the job. Peo-
PIE come in here with the queerest ideas
you ever heard Of. AS rule, they don't
need them when they leave. They need
help. One of those sunken-cheeked
missionaries came in the other day and
asked me to contribute to her subscrip-
ton box. / took cold laugh for my
self. knew at once she was loony.
She was in a newspaper Office and didn't
know it. And at that there were several
bill collectors Oh the premises. She made
some remark about the poor heather
In Africa. l told her it was splendid
place for the poor heather. and that the
population might be augmented by con-
tributions from st. Paul. | told her we
could part with them without tears. She
said she wanted to teach them the
proper and the best way to live. l told
her that there were plenty of people in
America who didn't know how to live
because they were dying every day. In
fact they had fallen into the habit of
dying and died on slight provocation.
She said she knew that, and [ told her
was glad of it, and if she would come
in again l would tell her something
else. She went out with several queer
looks on her cOuntenance.
One afternoon tall, heavy-set guy
with whiskers on odd parts of his face
wandered In the Office, and, as all roads
lead to my room, he fell In.
"Do you write pieces for the paper?"
"Yes," | answered, land 1 get paid
for them, too, the pieces as well as the
whole articles"
WELL" he said briskly. "you had a
piece i'll the paper this morning which l
didn't like"
"Oh. WELL" l said, 1--WE always like to
accommodate our subscribers. I'll cut
the piece out" and. taking the shears, |
cut it out, threw it OH the floor and
tramped on it just as mean.
/ told him to come in again and I'd do
the very same thing over again. because
we did insist OH pleasing our patrons.
He kind o. staggered out and he has
never returned. He hadn't gone far ere
another one of those born-b y-mistake
chunks OF trouble waited in.
"rm going to have party at my
house tonight" he began.
ssz"Good3' replied. "Ill he up; can't
come noW,ptoO busy, but FH be- I'M.
don't worry"
And l want a reporter" he began
again.
$50 do l." was my answer. "PVe been
looking for one for two months. I'll 90
out and help you hunt" He looked
hastily around in an uneasy fashion and
vanished. L had just struck a comfort
able attitude and also cockroach
Which Passed Wy Way.
when in came one of those other day
specimens of humanity with a vari-
colored look of misery Oh his mug.
"Terble day, isn't it?' he said quietly.
. "Terble," l replied. trying to look
ont the window which used to be trans
parent.
"Do you put items in the paper?" he
asked.
mo-" I replied, 1.-THE foreman does
that"
"Where is hep"
~ think" l answered, "that he has
gone to pink tea OH Summit avenue. l
was invited, as always am, but couldn't
go, so sent the foreman. All of us are
in frI a. nd
we get more Invitations than salary"
what are his hours?" he asked.
"Oh, just hours" / answered, ''some.
times 6 till 6. then again from 6 till 6.
He really has more hours than the town
clock, and that reminds me of the COM
median who said that the clock didn't
strike IS because it hadn't the face to
do it, and-''
81 didn't come in here to hear funny
gags" he said. "My wife has been
playing HI with me and want her
roasted in the paper
"And what do L get out of it?''
asked.
u have taken your paper for years."
he answered reproachfully.
"Do you use Pears soap?" | asked
him.
81 do" he replied.
"You use it just to accommodate
Pears, l suppose said I, with my best
little sarcasm, and suppose l am about
the best little sarcasm user in town.
"You probably eat just to accommodate
the grocer?' continued. "You wear
shoes in winter just because you like