Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1895-05-20
JUST FOR FUN.

WIZ dIuCS, aIO y Ou OIUHh
Husband-No m'dear, Pm 'dicted
with Temporary paralysis.
She-The spring styles this year are
awfully simple. He Those that L
have seen are simply awful.
Scissors Grinder How is bust
ness?" Rag Man-"P Picking up. How
is yours?'' Scissors Grinder Pretty
dull"
Teacher = In this stanza what is
meant by the line, THE shades of
| night were falling fast?' Clever Schol-
ar-The people were pulling down the
blinds.
A little girl who lives in a neighbour
ing town, while saying her evening
prayer, implored the Lord to make
her pure, absolutely pure, like Royal
Baking Powder.
Maud-Is Mr.. Merton still paying at
tention to your daughter? Mr.. Gold
bug-Why, good gracious, no! He's
not paying her any attention at all
now. They are married.
Gin de case oh de trusted employee"
said Uncle Eben, "yoh KANT allus
jedge by appearances. But yoh is
sometimes obliged ter fohm berry posi-
tive conclusions by his appearances"
Teacher Now, Johnnie, can you
tell me the name OF the most precious
metal? Johnnie hesitated; whereupon
the teacher suggestively fumbled with
his watch chain. Johnnie caught on:
FEBrassi''
Tramp-Can't you give poor man
a few cents? Mrs. Hardup-Just sit
down and wait until my husband
comes home. 1 need some small
change myself, and we will both tackle
him and divide up what we get.
Irate Customer See here! All my
friends are laughing at this bargain
suit I bought of you. They say it is
a mile too big. Dealer, gently-Mine
friendt, I know de cloding peesness
better dan your friendts do. Shust
you Wait till it rains.''
"What are they going to call your
new brother, Jack?o go, don't know
Jack, guess!" ''But that's your
name." 'That doesn't make any diff
ference. 1t was papa's before I had
it. Pa and ma have a way of making
US boys use up their old things"
Little Dot.-Uncle George says I'm
too loquacious. What does that mean?
Mamma = That means that you talk
tion). 81 7spose big words was made
SO folks could say mean things wifout
hurtin' anybody's feelings"
eff this place should catch fire what
would you do?" asked the Giraffe of
the Elephant. Cpd pick up my trunk
and run for the entrance. What would
you do?" cpd go to that window and
slide down my neck to the sidewalk"
said the Giraffe with a wink at the
monkeys.
Mr.. Richman- don't demand that
my daughter shall marry wealth, but
I do insist that the man she marries
shall have brains enough to get along
in the world. Young Slimpurse-Well
think I've shown very good judg-
ment in selecting a father-in- law,
don't you?
"Jedge,'' said the colored witness,
EtI wish you please, sab, make dat
lawyer stop pesterin' me!'' "But he
has right to question YOU" "Dat
may be, but I've got a kinder rattlin'
in my head, en- eff he worry me much,
fust ting you know I'll tell de truf
bout dis matter!"
"When the snow and ice have gone,"
said the Sunday school teacher, beam
ing upon the boys, land nature awak-
ems from her long sleep, the tiny buds
begin to appear, and then what do
we have? You may answer, Robert?
"Sulphur and molasses," replied
Robert, earnestly.
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