Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1895-01-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A blanket mortgage furnishes but
poor house warming. Puck.
Alice Beauty is but skin deep"
Maud (spitefully)-"Who told you?"
Puck.
The man that rifles your pockets
should he shot-gunned. .-Dansville IN.
W Breeze.
A man may be beside himself, and
yet have no idea how ridiculous he
looks. Puck.
The man next door always has ono
advantage over me. That's in his
nelghbors. Puck.
"The Missing Link"-The one the
dog stole in the bologna sausage fac
tory.-Dansville IN W Breeze.
The virtues made of necessity al
ways appear as If the material couldn't
have been very abundant. Puck.
We all believe in letting we'll
enough alone; but We make mistakes
as to the right time to do it.-Puck.
els Miss Elders hair artiflcial?"
ooh, no; it is human hair" "I mean
it is her own?" Certainly +; she bought
it. "--Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
And now the busy Office man
Will find one duty more;
Wheneer it's cold he'll have to yell.
''Come b1ck and close the door,
Chicago Inter-Oeean.
Mrs. Placid-'Where were you last
night?" Mr.. PAT stag party,
my dear" 81 thought SO when l heard
you staggering upstairs. "-Philadel-
phia Record.
Friend = care you superstitious?
Do you believe in signs?" Successful
Merchant "No; newspaper adver-
tisements q better, and cheaper. y
Printers II <.
A man may think he adores q wo-
man. But his love is put to terri
ole strain when she asks him to but
ton her shoes with hairpin.
York Herald.
Tailor-'I hear that you have paid
my rival, while you owe me for two
suits" Student-.-"Who dares to ac-
cuse me of such a preposterous thing?"
--Fhegende Blaetter.
"Does your wife wear high hat
when she goes to the play?" II
should say she does" replied the man
who always looks weary. cit cos. me
$27. Washington Star.
Figg-'.Yes, T allow that her sing
ing is something terrible; but I guess
we shall live through it." Fogg-
'"That is the most terrible thing about
it. Boston Transcript.
Trivvet-"You knew Charlie Dunn
nit, didn't you2" Dicer-"He went
West and was lynched." Trivvet-
'Is that really SOP Well, Dummit al
ways was high strung. Harlem
Life.
One little girl in the slums-@Wot
yer say she died OFF" The other one
-'sEating tuppeny ice on the top of
'of pudden.'" The first mentioned
"Lor! what a jolly death. lid
Bits.
Tough-"Have you got pull enough
in Washington to git patent fer
me?" Patent Lawyer-"What is your
invention?" Tough-''It's pneu-
matte tire fer perlice clubs. Good
News.
McSwatters-"ls Clanghorn a fin
ished author?" McSwatters-"Yes,
you see, he called on Woolly, of the
Howler, and called him liar and
we'll, you know Woolly. Syracuse
Post.
Old Friend-"Seems to me you are
paying your cook pretty stiff wages"
Jimson -"Have to; if don't she'll
leave, and then my wife will have to
do the cooking herself. New York
Weekly.
Clerk-"Here's some of the fresh
cracked wheat. Would you like o
package of it?" Mrs. Newcash-
s:Young man, when want damaged
goods I'll let you know."-Chicago
Inter-Ocean.
Mrs. Workaday-"Oh, do SO like
to see q good, strong, determined
man." Mr.. Workaday (straightening)
$50 do I, my dear" Mrs. W.
"John, the coal hod is empty. Dos
ton Courier.
''You are charged with having votod
five times in one day." said the
Judge, sternly. 81 am charged. am
I?" repeated the prisoner. ''That's
mighty odd. expected to be paid
for it. New York Sun.
Miss De Fashion IA few years hence)
--'sYou are wanted at the telephone.
Mrs. De Fashion--"Oh,. dear! | pre-
sumo it's Mrs. De Style, to return my
telephone call. hope she won't talk
long. New York Weekly.
He (pleadingly)-"Why can't we be
married right away?" She (coyly)-
..Oh, I can't bear to leave father
alone just yet" He (earnestly)-
"But. INV darling, he has hal you
such long. long time" She (freeZ-