The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1895-08-20
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

'Why done you reform?' asked the
! frien of the race-track victim.
| 81 expect to- was the reply.
How soon?'
Fright away I've bet all my money
on this last race. AS soon as lose it
/ I'll have to reform. ashington Star.
Difference Only in Punctuation.-Sun-
day-School Teacher-Why should we love
the Lord?
Scholar following Westminster Shorter
/ observation-disclosures he makes preserves,
Teacher-No; because he makes pre-
serves, and redeems us.-New York Re-
corder.
This reminds me of my school days"
remarked Fogg, as he dropped into his
new easy chair "Caned seat, you know"
Boston Transcript.
MADAM" said the pale-faced wan
derer, madam, [ am a roamer-"
"Well," remarlIe the middle-aged lady,
aroma is, guess, the polite way of eX
pressing it."-Indianapolis Journal.
Curry-Carson seems to be very friendly
with everybody all of a sudden
Vokes-Yes; he is going to get married
soon, and he wants to have, as many
friends as he can to invite and get pres
ents from.-New York Truth.
Say, guide, what does that memorial
stone commemorate"
where a tourist once gave me five
marks. "-Fligende Blaetter
''Now, will you spend this dime for
Whisky?" asked the kind old gentleman.
Il kin, if You insist replied the CRATE
full recipient. Il guess l know a place
where we can git two fer dime. DE
troit Free Press.
First Drummer-Why do you speak of
that hotel as 1.-The Fiddler
Second Drummer-Because it's a vile
inn.-Philadelphi Record
Old Lady TO motorman on trolley carr
Amt you afraid of the electricity, Mr..
Motorman?
Motorman-No, ma'am, amt got no
call to be afraid. | amt a conductor
Philadelphia Record.
Clara-If Mr.. Castleton succeeds in
kissing girl he tells all the rest of the
men about it.
Clara-For what?
Maude-The crowd of fellows that have
called upon you lately.-New York Her
aid.
wilhe-An' what did Clawence do when
Bob Slugard kicked him?
Algy-He simply said; "Gweat men are
not sensitive to cwiticism, and walked
swiftly away.-London Tit-Bits.
The man who robs Peter to pay Paul
usually intends to strike Paul for
larger loan later on.-Puck.
.But. papa" she impetuously insisted,
''he is not fit. TO be the husband of any
good woman
Marriage" ne observed. with austerity,
is NOT as vet included in the classified ser
No, he assuredly was no mugwump.--
Exchange.
did young Ploughboy do well by leay-
SHe tries TO make US think he did. Says
he's near the top in his business, and it's
all due 50 mis- clever headworl1."
s'What's his business in Chicago?'
Heading up barrels in a. pork-packing
rqausoleum. Wa shington Times.
Mabel-Shall we girls go in bathing to-
day together?
Aunt Maria--Mabel, 1 am surprised at
you. No; you'll wear bathing dresses, and
modest ones, too, if have anything to
say about it.-Bostun Transcript.
The Mother-How do you know that he
has ceased to love you?
Manageable Daughter-He bottoms my
gloves twice as quick as he used to.-Sy-
racuse Post.
A Choice-"I have finished your por-
trait, Mrs. De Fash,'' said the artist
'aAil but the coloring of the face" "And
why do You not finish that?. Il wanted
to hear from you as to whether you pre-
ferred me to have you look healthy or
merely interesting. '-Harper's Bazaar.