davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23
SUPPOSED TO BE HUMOROUS.


Mrs. Hiram Daly-And have you any refer
ences?
Applicant-No, mum! Oh tored 'em up.
Mrs. Hiram DAILY lin surprise)-Tore them
up? How foolish.
Applicant--Yez wudnt think SO, mum, if yez
had seen 'em! Truth.
Too ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS cake is very
good, my dear: but it seems to me there ought
to be little more
Wife Tin clear, icy, incisive tones)--That cake
came by mail and was made by your mother.
Husband-Yes; as was saving. there oppbt
to be little more-of it.-Ncw York Weekly
$50 you think you can stand the arduous
duties OF variety actor? You know in our
play we find occasion to throw you down q
30-foot flight CT stairs into barrel of rain
water
II think l can stand it," said the hungry
man. II was Tax Collector for three years.
London Tt-Bits.
speaking OF fishing experiences" said the
man in the negllge shirt, az shall never forget
the day when Bob White and You know
Bob?--were trying our luck on Lake Souam.
We had fshed for an hour or more ana had
caught only few little fellows, when suddenly
had an awful bite
AND you pulled in your line hand over
nano, only to lose a ten-pound pickerel, Just as
you were about t0land him." interrupted the
fat man sitting on the flour barrel
Il had an awful bite" the fisherman re-
sumed without noticing his interrupter "and
mashed the fellow as fat as a doormat. II
was the biggest mosquito / ever encount-
ered.'-Boston Transcript.
On an ocean liner.-The Parson (who wishes
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23
UP TO DATE IDEAS.

]. N. Thorp OF College Park has invented an
apparatus for wetting the slaves of water
tanks to keep them from shrinking when the
tank is only partly filed. The apparatus con-
sists simply of funnel, having TWO pipes pro-
jecting armlike in opposite directions and
pivoted on pin, which is supported in the
center of the tank by light beam fastened to
opposite sides of the tank. The water from the
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

to do a little missionary work while on his trip
abroad)-My dear young lady, do you love the
Lord?
Young lady Gudignantly)-Ho impertinent
of you to ask, sirl I've only known him two
days.-Puck.
Roundsman reporting at the station at 3
A. NIL just found officer Murphy drunk in
O'Hara's saloon, sir.
Sergeant Gndignantly)-Go back at once and
arrest that villain O'Hara for violating the ex-
else laW.-Puck
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The people most likely to capture the
pleasure OF summer are those who camp
on its trail
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Every section of California is summer
resort to the people of other sections.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Without considering the number of us
who can be good without extraneous COM
pulsion it is wonderful how good we can
be when we are forced to be.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

More patronage for home industry and
less for lottery tickets is what we need.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Woman may laugh in her sleeve more
comfortably than ever, but she cannot
look over her shoulder any more.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23
SPIRIT OF THE PRESS.

The truth of the matter is that the great ma
jority of the Democratic party stand with the
President on the financial question.-San Jose
Herald CD.
Cheap fuel has been one great lack that has
kept Stockton manufacturers in check. Now
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Patriotic impulses should tend to some
thing more than firecrackers and oratory
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Coincident with a combination which
secures good profit to wine-making in
California is demand for the product in
New Orleans and elsewhere.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The man who puts his hope in lottery
ticket is wasting money that might be
better expended in extracting sunshine
from cucumbers.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Why should a man be made to take Out
license to ride on a wheel any more than
On a Streetcar?
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Sadness IS as often the expression of q
deranged digestion as Of an ailing pocket.
book
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

In a too great easing of the way through
life there is danger that in depriving tn,
rose of its thorn we shall rob it of it
sweetness.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The average San Francisco home is q
good enough summer resort.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

While everybody agrees in the enjoy.
ment OF nature, there is a great deal of diff
ference II the nature of their enjoyment.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

There is no sadder spectacle than the
man who haC grown so fat as to lose the
opportunity for reducing his flesh by rid
ing bicycle.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The petroleum bicycle will probably
save the ride- the task OF blowing up the
tire.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

So long as parrots are given to talking
noboay viii ever think of them as being
cunning.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

With so many summer resorts open no
one can say our pleasure should be ar
rested for the lack of visible means of
SNORT
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The most successful knavery is that
which has learned the secret of operating
in that margin of evil that lies just with
ont the law and Just within the tolerance
of society.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23
THE SIMMER MONTHS.

Are you going 10 the country on a vacation If
70 it is no trouble for us 10 forward THE CALL to
your address. DO not let it miss you for you will
miss #. orders given TO the carrier, or left at
Business Office 7lG Market street, viii receive
prompt attention.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The Georgia manufacturers who have
subscribed money to erect a building for a
display of Georgia manufactured products
at the Cotton States and International Ex-
position will hold their second annual con-
vention in Atlanta during the third week
in October. At that time a superb collec-
ton of their wares will be on exhibition,
and will attract the attention of the world.
The coming together of this important
interest will, without doubt, generate en-
thusiasm and new energy in the develop
ment of the State.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23
Fourth of July Excursion.

During the Fourth of July holidays the s. F.
and n. ?. Railway Company have arranged to
place on sale from June 90 to July3, inclusive,
round-trip tickets to all points beyond San Ra-
fael at greatly reduced rates.
Ukiah and return only IS, and on July TO
all points beyond San Rafael one fare for the
round trip, return limit July ), inclusive.
From June % to July 4, inclusive, tickets
Will be sold TO the various resorts at special low
rates. good for return to and including July
10.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Recognizing the value of women as guar
dams OF the public health, Oakland regret
fully discovers that the women whom il
appointed to its Board of Health are ineli-
gible because the charter provides that
only electors may serve.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Many people adapt their homes to their
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

a man went into a Florida barber-shop
to have his hair cut, and when the barber
had removed half of it the man SAID he
wished the job done on credit The barber
refused to complete the JOB and the man
sued for damages for injury done to his
personal appearance, but the court de-
cided the barber was right, thus giving the
country another warning that business
must return to cash basis.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23
SUBSCRIPTIONS RATES:

DAILY CALI.-t6 per year by mail; by carrier, 15c
Fer week.
SUNDAY CALL--sl so per year.
WEEKLY CALI-$1. 80 per year.
The Eastern office Of the SAN FRANCISCO
CALL DAILY and Weekly, Pacific States Adver-
Using Bureau, Rhneiander building, Rose and
Duane streets, New York.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The bicycle Will not have reached the
height of its glory until a runaway couple
are married while they and the minister
are fleeing madly wheelwise from pursu-
ing father similarly mounted.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The proposition 20 stretch a cable from
Grizzly Peak, back of Berkeley, to the bay
shore and run cars suspended to it high in
air IS one Of the Hottest flights that the
aspirations of our friends across the bay
have ever taken
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Mr. Gladstone has given a bell to the new
chapel Of Selwyn College, Cambridge, founded
in memory OF his old friend and schoolfellow
at Elton. the late Bishop Selwyn.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Simplicity and directness, of whatever
kind, are the surest enemies of wrongs that
thrive by reason of the befuddling effect
which their complexities have on the aver
age understanding.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

THOUSANDS write that they have been given
health and strength by Hoods Sarsaparilla. 1t is
the great blood purifier, consequently is the true
nerve tonic. II gives renewed vigor.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

If the parliamentary crisis in England
results in returning the Conservative party
to power the chances OF an International
agreement for the reconciliation of silver
will be increased so per cent.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The Republicans of Kentucky are calling
upon the people OF that State in the still
potent name of Henry Clay to stand III
for the American system and make Ken
lucky the strong protection commonwealth
she was of old.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

If the British Parliament deducted $500
from the pay of the Secretary of War be-
cause of deficit IN the estimates of the
War Department, how much ought
Congress to deduct from the salary OF
Cleveland?
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

sUNDAY ..JUNE %. lse5
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

One Of the arguments used to boom Nor
ton for the Presidency is that no New York
man has ever been nominated for that
office by the Republican party, and there
fore the State should have chance this
time.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

-PT1IIUUT, l-tIVly
RENTS collected. Ashton, ALL Montgomery
CALIFORNIA Glace fruits, SOC ID. ToWnsend's+
BACON Printing Company, sos Clay street
WINE-DRINKING people are healthy. NJ. & K
wines, &c a glass. Mohns d Kaltenbach, % Mkt*
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

| DIR. SIEGERT's Angostura Bitters are the best
remedy for removing Indigestion aud all diseases
| of the digestive organs.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Money has become so plentiful in Eng
land thatthe London Spectator says, if the
people do not take to wasting it on war
or some big improbable scheme like the
Panama canal, interest will have to come
down to 2 per cent.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

E. H. BLACK, painter, ia Eddy street.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

IF afflicted with sore eyes use DIR. Isaac Thomp-
ons Eye Water. Druggists sell it at 25 cents
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Vallejo has made steady and appreciable
progress during the two years of depression.
There has been no actual cry of hard times in
this city and, while many other cities and
towns have stood still or refrigerated. we have
been enjoying peace and plenty, and we can
truthfully state that we are now in a splendid
condition to enjoy the wave OF prosperity that
is about to roll over the land, the preliminary
swish of which is now distinctly heard.-Val-
lejo Chronicle.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

The fixed and unelterable policy of the man
ayers OF the present roads has been to charge
for transportation all the traffic will bear. 1t
is expected and believed that the proposed
new railroad (San Francisco and San Joaquin
Valley will be differently managed and thar
it will be ready and willing to encourage the
DEVELOPMENT of all interior resources that will
give employment to wage-earners and bread
winners that are within our borders, and also
to encourage the growth of all these industries
so that an immigration of that class of popu-
lation TO California may be Standardization
Record
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Beyond question, one great difficulty in life
is that men have not yet learned the omnipo-
tence there is in well-directed human effort
when guided and controlled by an unyielding
determination. They are too much the
creatures of circumstances, too ready to yield
to discouragements and TO shift the response
bility of their own failures to somebody elses
shoulders. 1t is not society which makes or
mars our life; it is we ourselves. We need
nave no fear for the manhood of the boy who
has the courage to say in whatever he lawfully
undertakes, 81 wiIl.'-Los Angeles Times.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Let us be inspired by desire to increase tn
value of property; to attract capital that is
seeking investment; to hold out inducements
10 energy that is seeking avenues in which to
operate; to induce brains that are looking for
a field in which to develop new enterprises to
locate among us, and to promote the comfort
and prosperity of all. Energy and effort intel
ligently directed will accomplish much, and
the results that Will follow will be of direct adj
vantage to every resident or property-holder
now here or who may come to aid in the work
of Observation-Disclosures Democrat
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

If another wheat corner is being attempted
the worst luck we wish those who are attempt
ing it is the same measure of success that SEN
ator Fair had. 1t has always seemed to us that
gambling in and cornering wheat, touching as
it does the home OF every poor man in the land,
is one of the most conspicuous offenses of the
times and that it is permitted is one of the
most glazing evidences of the weakness of the
social Observation-Disclosures Argus.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

On an ocean liner.-The Parson (who wishes
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1895-06-23

Some Of our local politicians who pose on
the street corners as philanthropists and
economists have evidently been studying the
dictionary OF discomfort us published by a pes.
simist at large. Here is definition contained
therein: "What is money? Everything. What
is everything? Nothing" This definition, nc
doubt appeals to the wheels in their heads and
bespeaks the vacuum in their purses at one
and the same time.-Williams Farmer
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
Oregon Mills May Compete.

Representative Hermann has OBJ
taiDed valuable concessions from the
navy department in favor of Pacific
coast blanket manufacturers. Hereto.
fore all contracts for blankets rur-
chased for use on our naval vessels on
the Pacific coast, and at the U. s.
navy yards at Mare island and those
to be used Oh the new war vessel, the
Oregon, all provided first class de-
livery in New York. which practically
gave ii monopoly to Eastern wooden
mills. Now Mr.. Hermann makes pro.
tests In the name of the Oregon woolen
mills against this distinction, and has
insisted that contracts should he let on
terms permitting delivery at San
Francisco, which would favor the Pa
cific coast mills at least to the cost Of
transportation, which is quite an item.
AT the next letting the department
will change the rule If Pacific coast
mills desire to bid. The rule formerly
required provisions end stores for Pa
cific naval uses to be delivered in New
York, but this changed a few years
ago.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
Ejecting Settlers.

PENDER, Neb., May 24.-Indian
Agent Beck has positively commenced
the ejectment of settlers occupying the
lands of the Flournoy Land company
on the Winnebago reservation. Three
settlers in the vicinity Of Wakefield
were removed yesterday by sixteen
Indian police heavily armed. Captain
Beck has served notice that other set
tiers must go, and will continue the
evictions. 1t is thought there will be
an attempt to put off the cattle on
Kelly's ranch, If the attempt is made
there will surely be bloodshed, for
Kelly has threatened to shoot the first
re1skin that comes inside his pasture
for that purpose. Those who have
been ousted by the police were merely
told to get off, and, when they refused,
were not molested.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
TREATY OF MUTUAL BENFIT
All Differences Between Them to Be
Settled by Arbitration and
the. Interest of One
That of All.

WASHINGTON, May 25.-New
treaties of far reaching Importance
have recently been made between Mic
aragua and Honduras, official copies Of
which have just been received at
Washington. They are the first prac-
tical steps toward the formation Of a
Central American nation out of the
several small republics Of Nicaragua,
Honduras, Guatemala, Salvador and
Costa Rica. The first treaty forms a
defensive alliance in case Of a foreign
alliance against common enemies. 1t
obliterates commercial frontiers, so
that foreign goods once admitted to
one country are free TO enter the others,
An express provision is made against
the possibility of war between the
countries by an article requiring diff
ferences to be adjusted by arbitration
by some government on the American
content. Article No. So, the one look
ing to union in single nation, is as
follows:
"The high contracting parties SOL
emnly declare that they cannot and
will not consider as foreign other Cen
tral American countries, that they
will labor constantly to maintain
family bonds, the greatest cordiality
in their relations making a common
cause with them in case of war or diff
ficulties with foreign countries and
medlating in International relations.
'lo this end the present treaty will
be submitted to their consideration,
inviting them to subscribe to it as a
common Central American treaty un-
til the arrival of the day when they
shall he incorporated in a single ma
tion."
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
Signal Triumphs Won.

Two signal triumphs have been
achieved by DR.. Prices Cream Baking
powder. First 1t received the highest
award aud diploma at the World Co
lumbian exposition of 1893. Next 1t
secured the highest award and Gold
medal at the California Midwinter
fair of 1894. AT both fairs it surpassed
all competitors in every respect. The
award, in each instance, was for the
strongest leavening power, perfect pur-
ity and general excellence. 1t was
sustained by the unanimous vote Of
the judges. The victory at Chicago
establishes the supremacy of DIR.
Prices as ''tlle foremost Baking Pow
der in the world.n The triumph at
San Francisco confirms and empha-
sizes it.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
A Tumble in Buttermilk.

The Corvallis express two miles
south of North Yamhill Friday morn.
ing collided with wagon, in which
Mrs. Mary Shelton and a boy were re-
turning from the creamery with d
large can Of buttermilk. The cow
catcher picked up the wagon and threw
the horses one way and the boy and
woman another. The train was stop.
ped within log yards and the woman
and boy picked up, not seriously hurt.
The horses ran away home to Carlton,
and the train carried Mrs. Shelton
there. The track and engine were de-
luged with buttermiik. Mrs. Shelton
remarked woefully that her pigs
would have no dinner, but there was
no use crying over split milk.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
Fishing Boats capsize.

ASTORIA, May 25.--This morning
at All early hour two more fishing
boats capsized at Peacock spit. A gale
wasblowing all night md the boats
were turned over breakers. One boat
belonged to Kinney, the other NJ FL
more. The first crew was rescued By
other fishermen near BY before the life
saving crew could reach the spot. Tie
boat was rescued and returned 10
the men by the life crew, who als,
saved the other boat and men. The
wind is still blowing fifty-mile per
hour. at the mouth Of the river, but
there Is no wind here.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
An Air Line.

TACOMA, May 2.-The project Of
building an airline broad-gauge rail
road between Tacoma and Seattle has
been revived by Henry Bucey, who
will start at once to secure the right
of-way and land subsidies. He ex-
poets then to float bonds. The line
would be thirty miles long, saving Of
twelve miles over the present route.
The grade would be one per cent. and
the cost of building and equipment
100000. The Tacoma & Seattle AIR
Line railroad was incorporated five
years ago to build the line. The de-
preston caused postponement of the
project.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
A Serious Accident.

LIST Friday as Mrs ). NJ. Pcnning-
ton and her daughter, Mrs, Richards,
and the latter's little son were out rid
ing In buggy across the river near
Thornton's lake, the boy, who was
driving, was unable to manage the
horse, and it ran of and embankment,
overturDing the buggy aud throwing
the occupants out, Mrs. Pennington
had severe cash cut across her fore.
head, also aelhs her hand. The horse
trampled on Ms. Richards, but did not
seriously ipjule lei. Tie boy was un-
hurt. Mrs, Pennington, who is an
elderly lady, WAS Brought to this city
and Ltr ws'pNds dressed by Dr. J. P.
Wallace. Last eyenlng she was rest
ing casy, AID Il 10 haped her injuries
will aot resuli ssrl0asl ..~kstaiA.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1895-05-31
probate Record.

In estate of Fred Mespelt, petition to
sell personal property granted.
First report filed In the estate of N.
G. Mcdonald.
In adoption Of Ella G. Simpson by
George Frey and wife, petition filed,
In the estate of Eugene lTlm, per-
sonal property ordered sold.
In estate Of w. p. Smith, final hear
ing set set for June 8, at 100 p. m., B.
A. Stafford administrator.
In estate Of Emaline Alford, par.
sonal property was ordered sold
In; estate of Isaac Witherite inven-
tory filed; real property, 5000; personal
Sl641 so.
In estate of Harry Moss, account
filed. ~
In estate of Abbarlla Metzgar, final
settlement set for June II.