Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1895-03-07
\ COMPANY THAT FURNISHES GER
TiFlcATEs TO WoceRs.


ID IF yo1 wish % confer with the
president. sir." aid the young man in
'front.' '.you will find him in his private
Office" and thanking him / entered the
rear room, vhere . pleasant faced man
greeted me cordially.
"woo't you be s.steds" be said,
grasping me b. the hand lis your
business-er--confdentialE'
Not az all" / replied "As I was
passing syI thought ! would stop IN
and inquire into the nature and scope
Of the Lovers Guarantee company,
which / see advertised 30 extensively"
Certainly, he responded II shall
be only too glad 20 inform You what we
are here fur. The Lovers Guarantee
company was formed for the pcrpose Of
securing good husbands 20 all maidens
matrimorialiy inclined, and the great
success we have met with thus far
proves that there 10 an excellent reason
for our existence The average man Of
Affairs has little time 70 lock up ths
character and antscedents Of the young
fellow who applies FOR his daughters
hand We look him up, and il he is sat-
~isfsctory he gives "a . bond. which en-
titles him 30 certificate guaranteeing
him 70 be al that he claims This bond
may be good for ave or ten years A
mans financial status is Of course easy
20 determine, bu. IL Is into the finer at
tributes OF character that we examine
particularly. Our certificate IL an abso-
lutte guarantee Of the man. OF course
we have 20 be particular. for should the
wife az any time insist upon a separa-
ton and show under the contract
we would have to pay all her legal ex-
penses and furnish her a new husband
or make over TO her certain payments"
But suppose, said /, latter the
man is married of, there develops some
hidden trait. some i~diosyncrasy that
causes unhcDpiness, but not separation,
what do yOu 90 Them"
such cases, " replied the president
Of the Lovers Guarantee company, are
rare, but Of course they do occur. In a
ease like this we examine into the cause
Of the difficulty, and if the man be
wrong the fact that be is under bond
SANE@ ~ "a IpNEA cNEA& MINI anu ED1EIa4ay
we bring him TO terms"
But" said l. suppose the woman
in the Ease is wrong?''
This, -" explained the president, sis
extremely unfortunate, as we have no
means Of reaching her direct, having no
power over ker. We can, however, ad-
wise the man what to do, generally with
mos felicitOus results. AS a rule, these
differences come frUm ignorance on both
sides. Where they are extreme and a
separation is advisable we have in our
employ the best lawyers, and divorces
are obtained in the most private way.
I'VE have In our employ one Of The
most eminent phreBologists in the coun-
Try, who examines the heaGs Of ali ap-
p~iicants. Jul head physician, who gave
up a large practice TO come with rs, has
a growing staff Of assistants, and these
look carefully into the physical condi-
ton Of tho applicants. You may depend
upon it that when an applicant has sue
cessfully run the gauntlet we lay out fer
him he will make a good husband. We
advise all young married people to have
homes Of their own, no matter how
humble, and have a home bureau through
which a member can obtain advice on
the most desirable way TO live, the best
locations, a list OF houses and apart
ment and the lowest rents By this
means we are enabled 10 make an ar
rangement with landlords so that our
patrons can obtain certain discounts and
privileges. Were you thinking-aheml
of entering upon the new life?'
"Oh, no, " l replied mOdestly. II am
already married. and" / added laugh
tngly, "Idon's suppose cases Of this sort
come under your jurisdiction.
Indeed they do, replied the presi-
dent Of the Lovers Guarantee company.
"We have lately formed a department
FOR the benefit Of married people and
find it TO be a great success. For a small
sum yearly, in advance, we furnish la
dies with advice a. TO the proper man
egement Of husbands and direct them
how to act In special emergencies. For
instance, should a husband be called
away too frequently at night on bust
ness, imbibe too f~reely--I may say this
is one Of our greatest obstacles-or
should he become III natured or non
tractable, we tell her what to do"
as this department secret?'
"Not at all, he responded Indeed
we invite publicity. Such is our repu-
tation that the mere fact made known
70 a man tina, his ann is on our books
will have a tendency TO bring him to
his senses"
"My dear sir" said I warmly a. !
rose TO 60, "you are accomplishing a
great work, and / am glad / called in TO
see you" Then, thanking him, / was
about to depart when he stopped me
oourteously.
Excuse me, " be said, but would
You mind giving me your name? l al
ways like 10 take down the names Of all
our friends"
Certainly not, " said j. II would
Just as Don as not, as il is just possible
] may want 20 advise with you myself
later on. Ny name, sir, is WithoFby."
A BRIGHT and engaging smile came