The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1895-01-31
SPECIMENS OF WIT.
SOME HISTORIC FLASHES OF sPoN-
TANEoUs HuMoR.

TANEOUS HUMOR.
Not . Few European sovereigns Have
Been Fond OF and Given to Repartes.
Clever and Brutal Jssts Passed Among
EnElishmen Of Long Ago.
Generally speaking. the strong have
refused to put mp with TESTING from the
weak. The Gear Nicholas, who had
some fine qualities, was hardened against
a meditated act Of olemenoy by the un-
daunted spirit Of q prisoner. Relief,
man Of letters. had been implicated in
the conspiracy Of 1895 and sentenced to
be hanged. He was launched from the
fatal ladder, when the rope broke and
he was thrown to the ground, severely
bruised, but conscious. He picked him
self up and said quietly, ''They can do
nothing in Russia, not even Irvine cord
properly" It was customary in Russia
to pardon the condemned after similar
fiasco, but on Relieff's words being re-
ported to the ozar and his pleasure de-
manded he replied, "Prove him the con-
trary."
Henry VIII, with all his violence and
tyranny, could bear with retort as we'll
as give one, for he loved wit. When it
was told him that the pope had sent the
cardinals hat to Fisher, bishop Of Roch-
ester, he said, "He may have the hat,
but he shall have no head to wear it
WITH" and the bishop was brought to
the block. On one OCCASION the turbu-
lent Earl Of Kildare was brought before
the. king, charged with setting fire to
the cathedral of Cashel. II own it."
said the earl, "but never would have
done it had not believed the archbish-
op was in it," Henry laughed and par
doned the culprit. His bitterest enemy
was the bishop Of Meath, who accused
him to Henry Of divers misdeeds and
closed his arraignment with, "Thus, my
liege, you see that all Ireland cannot
govern the earl"
''Then," said the perverse monarch,
1.-THE earl shall rule all Ireland" and
instantly made him lord deputy because
his good humor equaled his valor.
Elizabeth resembled her father in her
willingness to put up with retorts from
saucy subjects and to pay them back in
kind, not always with the greatest re.
finement. The little scene with the i'll
fated Earl of Essex, when she boxed his
ears for insolence and he laid his hand
on his sword, saying that he would not
take such treatment even from her "a
ther, is familiar to every one
Going back to still earlier dates, we
constantly find the imperious Plantag-
enet kings giving and receiving retorts
that bear witness Of great independence
among Some Of their powerful subjects.
It was Edward who, on the refusal of
the 'Blaok Dog Of Warwick" to join
the king with vassals and supplies for
war, said, "Sir Earl, you shall either 60
or hang" The retort was, ''Sir Rex, I
will neither go nor hang"
Henry Nv Of France was good natured
above most monarchs in repartee. As
rule, it is impossible to reproduce in con-
ventional English dress the jests of this
wise and witty king. On one occasion
it was the turn Of M. d'Aubigne to sleep
in the kings antechamber. Fancying
the monarch was asleep, he began to talk
to M. de la Force, who shared his watch,
saying, "Your master is the most un-
grateful of men," La Force, half asleep,
asked him what he was talking about,
when Henry cried out: "Wake upl He
is telling you I am the most ungrateful
Of men.
''Pray go to sleep, sire," interrupted
D'Aubigne. 1--WE have great deal more
to say about you" Henry never showed
less kindness to his servant on account
of what he had overheard
But the cynical generosity Of Freder-
lex the Great is unique. A lackey who
owed him grudge had determined to
poison him. One morning he brought in
the kings chocolate and appeared visi-
bly, troubled in countenance. what ails
your said Frederick, looking fxedly at
him. "You look as if you had put poi
son in my food" The wretch fell at his
feet and avowed his crime. ''Get out Of
my sight, you scoundrelp' said Freder-
lex and took no further notice Of the
mans attempt to murder him.
A delicate compliment is q work Of
far higher art than the most biting sar-
casm. Every one knows the story of the
poor creature who found himself seated
between Nine. Recamier and Nine. de
Stael, and managed to offend them both
by saying that he sat between wit and
beauty, and was crushed by the retort
Of Nine. de Stael that he possessed neil
ther. The court Of Louis XIV was the
school where this art was brought to
perfection. The hattery offered to the
king by the men Of genius was at once
coarse and exquisite. Witness the inim-
table reply Of Mignard, who was paint
ing the kings portrait for the tenth
time, when Louis asked him, ''Do look
older?''
II see few more campaigns on the
brow Of your majesty"
One of Louis marshals, Bassompiere,
was great at repartee He had spent ten
years in the Bastille, and on emerging
his majesty asked him his age. Fifty,
SIRE" To the surprised look of the king
the marshal added. 81 don't count the
ten years passed in the Bastille, because
did not spend them in your majesty's
service "-Philadelphia Telegraph.
He Must Do Something.
An inhabitant whose heels were strik-
ing sparks from the pavement as he
walked entered the waterworks Office,
selected his clerk and fiercely announced,
"Sir, you can send up and take your old
gas meter out Of my house.
"This is not the gas Office.
| sSTt ic,, 1921