Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1895-09-18
WASHWOMAN'S WAR.

10 DoGt0r mOOQ.
"It simply means I'm gettin old, my
settin round balky this away. Thar's
some 70 wrinkles on my horns. Nuthin
young or recent about that So it often
happens to me like it does to old folks
general that jist when she begins to
grow night 1 gets moody an bad. Looks
like your thoughts have been out on
some mental feed ground all day, an
they come stringin in like cattle to get
bedded down for the right. Nacheral, I
suppose they sorter mills an stands
around Uneasy like for awhile before
they lies down all comfortable. Old
people partic 'ler gets dissatisfied. If
they're like me an amt welded none,
campin round at taverns an fndin of
'em mockeries, they wish they had
wife whole lot. If they be, they wish
she'd go visit her folks.
''No, as imparts to you heretofore,
maybe it's a month, I never marries'
nuthin. I reckon I was in love one
round up an another mighty near a
dozen times too. But somehow alters
lose the trail an never do run up with
none of 'em once.
"Down in the Brazos country thar
was little blue eyed girl-back 80
years it was-an the way I adored her
plumb tires people. reckon I roped at
her more'n so times, but never could
fasten. Now an then it looks powerful
like I was goin to run my brand on to
her, but one day she learns that Bill
jerks brands $50 calves the last spring
round up an me only 40, an that settles
it. She takes jerks.
cit was astonishin how little deems
of this yere maiden after Bill gets her.
Two months before I'd rode my pony
to death to look once in her eyes. She's
like sunshine in the woods to me, an I
dotes on every word she utters like it
was roast apple. But after she gets to
be Bills wife cools off complete.
''Not that lovin Bills wife, with his
genius for shootin q pistol, was goin to
prove picnic, al him sorter peevish an
hostile nacheral But lettin that go in
the discard l shore don't care nuthin
about her nohow, when she's Mrs.
jerks.
''I recalls get that locoed lovin this
girl / goes bulgin out to make some
poetry over her I complies one stanza,
: an I'm yere to remark it was harder
work than June day in a brandin pen.
Ropin an fankin calves an standin off
an old COW with one hand while you
irons up her offspring with the t'other
from sun up till dark is sedentary COM
pared to maxim stanzas. What was the
one 1 makes? Well, you can bet hoss I
amt forgot it none:
GA beautiful woman is shorely moon
The nights of your life to illumine.
She's all that is graceful guileful an
soon,
Is woman, lovely woman.
''I'm plumb tangled up in my rope
when I gets this far, an I takes lay
off. Before gathers strength to tackle
it agin jerks gets her, so bein nuthin
tharin never makes finish. alters
allowed it would have been powerful
good poem if I'd stampeded along cl ar
through.
'Yes, son, women that away is surely
rangy cattle an alters on the move.
recalls how two of 'em comes mighty
near splittin Wolfville wide open an
leavin it on both sides of the trail All
that ever saves the day is the ca M jedg
ment an promptitood of old man En-
right.
''This is how we leads into this petit
coat ambush. Wolfville is gettin along
all peaceful an serene an man fashion.
Thar's the postoffice for letters; thar's
the Red Light for our bug juice; thar's
the o. K. restaurant for our grub, an
thar S the stage an our ponies to pull
our freight with when Wolfville life be-
gins to pail on us as too pastoral an we
thirsts for the metropolitan gayety Of
Tucson.
Gas I says, we has all that heart
could hunger for-that is, hunger on
the square.
"Among other things thar's Chink
runnin a laundry a-doin of our washin.
This yere tub trundler's name is Lung,
which, however, brands no cattle here.
Zone afternoon Doc Peets gets let
ter from barkeep over i'll Tucson sayin:
''DEAR DoC-Thar's an esteemable lady due
in Wolfville on tomorrer's stage. She's p'intin
out to run a laundry. Please back her play.
If thar's Chinaman in town, run him out
an obleege yours, DICK.
Whatever do you think, Enright?'
says Doc Peets, after readin us the let
ter.
" That's all right, says Enright
THE Chink goes It's onbercomin as
spectacle for Caucasian woman of full
blood to be contendin for dirty shirts
with a slothful Mongol. Wolfville per-
mits no such debasin exhibitions, an
Lung must vamoose. Jack, he says, turn
in to Jack Moore, who's kittle tender to
the strangers, take your gun an sa inter-
over an stampede this yere opium slave.
Tell him If he's visible to the naked eye
III the scenery yereabouts tomorrow
when this lady jumps into camp he's
shore asked the price of soap the last
time he ever will i'll this vale of tears.
" What's the matter with lynchin
this yere Chink?' says Dave Tut. 'The
camps deadly dull, an it 'ud cheer up
things whole lot, besides bein compli-
ments to this yere young female Old
Montes bringin i'll Oh the stage.
'Oh, no, says En1ight, no need Of
stringin him-none! On second thought.
Jack, don't reckon I'd run him out
neither. II dignifes him too much.
S'pose you canter up to his tub camp
an bring him over, an We'll reveal this
upheaval in his shirt burnin destinies
by word Of mouth. If he grows reluc-
tant, just rope him round the neck with
his cue al yank him. 1t impresses 'em
an shows 'em they're up agin the law,
s'pose Peets, vices your sentiments
in this?'
I" Shore, says Doc Peets, which was
the finest educated man 1 ever saw, this
Chinaman must pull his freight We
owes it not only to this Tucson lady,
but to the lovely sex she represents.
Woman, woman, what has she not done
for man? As Johanna Of Arc she freed
tho sensuous vineclad hills of farof