The morning times., 1895-10-19

It's moi rne signs of the times, with their
prophesitS of sunshine. or their angeries
of gloom, but the signs of the city. with
their blazonry of gold or rust OF age, which
this story is to discuss.
The ancientry OF the sign is hidden under
the horizon of the ages. There are twosigus,
though. preserved by history. and re-
touched with frequent pens, which still
gleam through the vista of the past. One
of these is that which burned in letters OF
light on the crimsoued walls of Belshaz
Zars feast hail. The other is that which
CLEANED from out the heavens before the
hesitating Constantine.
1t is narrated that excavators at Pom
peii turned up the sign of Pompeiian
tailor, offering to press cfeases in togas
for fifty cents per crease. This translation
may be crude. but then the writers IA
nliliarity with Pompeiian variety of speech
is limited To a dim Understanding that at
some time, some where, some such place
as Pompeii somehow stood.
But to come ba ok to the question of signs.
Washington is rich in the literature OF signs,
and her avenues and alleys are written on
both sides, while sign-covered vehicles
roll between.
There is an aristocracy in signs. There
are bold, electric signs that turn darkness
into day: gilded signs that shine back
the glances of the sun, and multi-colored
signs that make such long lived rainbows
that Iris shouts My oecupation's gone"
WHAT THEY TELL.
Then there are humble signs that peep out
with faces of pasteboard and features of
charcoal in a timid way from obscureplaces,
and seem to say in plaintiye tones, Please
look at me-"
There are dude signs, with letters and
punctuation points arranged just SO. and
other signs that don't care how they lonk,
in fact some signs seem TO attract mo-
ticc by the very Ctldity OF tiieir appearance
Did yon ever think of the great contrast
between signs? No? Then Just place this
luscious, well-fed sign. Fruits, Sea Food
and Game" alongside of this shabby. dys-
peptic little sign with fraycd ete,es and
torn corners. "Apple-dumpiings 5 cc-its,
ur this greasy, badly sign, Meals
10 cents"
Put this dashing, glittering. well-dressed
sign, Watches aud DiamoIfis'' alongside
of this pinched, hungry. and tear-stained
sign. ~ nredeemed Pledges for Sale
Put the high-flying. sign flags Of the Eb-
bitt Arlington and Raleigh. with their
sugges ton OF soft be,s and clean sheets, by
the side OF that wretcled, sleepiess. smok-
ing lamp that burns over the front door all
night, and says. in druwSy-looking letters,
Rooms, 20 cents; Lodging. To-
Did you ever notice the sex of signs" No?
Then take this sweet-faced sign. "Orien- |
tai Cream of Roses" and hang ii by the side
II this one, Pool, 1-2 Cents Per Cue." |
lake this vain, conceitcd sign, BE Plump |
and Beautiful" and put it in the same frame |
With this one, Don't Spit on the Floor"
this sign, "Fur-,rmmed Shoulder
,tcs and Spring Millinery" with Minors
iet No Wasil-downs at This Bar" The
Eek OF some signs, however. is difficult 10
ascertain, among signs OF this class being.
Don't Talk TO Gripnan,'' FAN Trouser-
ngs." Baby Carriages and bicycles"
But the sign, Don't Get Off BackwarCs'' is
ust as female as Two Shots for Cents"
s male.
SEX OF SIGNS.
Sometimes the sex OF the sign, Turkish
cigarettes" is hard to anaiyZe; in fact.
most cigarette signs affect feinininity in
'arying degrees of flesh-coloredness-
There area number ofsi-ns in Washington
hat spurn fresh paint and new letters as
hough proud of their aged, wrinkled,
,racked. old-established experience. A
ign of this kind is nailed up over law
rer's office on Fifth street, and says the
whole year long, "Enoch Totten." 1t is
IN exceedingly rusty, seedy-looking sign,
and its letters are so weak that they can |
scarcely look at you
There are more ways than one to read |
;igns. For instance, the most popular and |
frequent sign in Washington is, Rooms"
Now, il you know how to read signs, you |
needn't put the laDdlady to the trouble OF |
telling how much she got for that room last |
lime. You can spare her the trouble |
.hough it seems pleasure to her-of e1- |
that the room isn't exactly in |
order, because the other roomer just moved |
Jut.
You can also spare her the disappoint-
nent of telling her that you are just look
ing around and will call again. BY read |
ing between the lines you can tell whether |
.he perfumes that float upward from the |
kitchen at mealtime are nutritious or
whether the hed-slats bite. BY standing in
with the sign you may know how often the
fellow upstairs-higher up-walks across
he floor before he goes to sleep, whether the |
lellow in the next apartment sleeps with |
lis mouth shut, or whether there is young
adv in the house, who believes that she
plays the piano.
ROOMS AND BOARD.
The only sign of this nature which ever
confused me was one up oD II street, near
Eighth, which declared: Rooms and
Board, With or without Meals" 1 was
never able to get on to the combination of |
that sign. When you see the sign "R Rooms,"
;crolled family in lead pencil, you can bet |
hat that landlady lust takes a few of
her personal friends,' but when you see a
big, bold-faced, lack-eyed sign with
etters that can be heard across the street,
please take notice that that landlady is
,ut for the dust. has no time for working |
he reduced circumstance" policy, and /
$ much less exacting about references, than
,boutc cash inadvance.
Some signs are more ambitious than
wide-minded, one might say.
ror Instance, there Is little bone made
ign down In Willow Tree Court, which
ooks out through a diDgy pane of glass
md rests between a jar of green pickles
IN one side and jar of peppermint candy I
IN the other, which says: Goal, Kindling
wood, White-washing and Piano lessons"
There are some signs that are members
If the pathological Phonetic Associa-
ion" and are engaged in reforming the
pelling of the sign language. One of
hese has been in an Anacostia bobtail car
or years. This Is it: "Rebuildt by the
Anacostia R. R."
Sometimes comm onplace signs make
unny combinations. At a certain corner
here was, or used to be. a dentists sign
ind q lawyers sign. The latter was on top
rhe lawyers name and business were in
,old letters; the dentists name was In
mall-caps, but his speciality was in black
ace Roman, so that from the opposite |
ide of the street they looked like one sign,
which read: 'John Doe, Lawyer, Gas