Birmingham age-herald., 1895-06-30
THE CYCLONE.

Limpey Jake was found lying in the gutter on Pure Rye street in an uncon- seious condition yesterday morning. To all appearances he was dead, and the boys reverently carried the body into the back room of the Alligator saloon, where they stretched it out on the table and covered it with some old Cyclones. In less than an hour Bungtowns enterpris- ing coroner had a jury empaneled, and opinions as to how Limpey came to his end were heard. Tim lsverfull suggested that his death was due to dependency, superinduced by the refusal of the Little Dewdrop bartender to give him drink. Bogey Crosseye remarked that '"rhe durn cuss was no good. nohow, and died because he'd orter be dead" John Reg son was of the opinion that death was due to momcntary stoppagc of circula- ton, which lasted too long. Major Bur gin said: Tt is clear to me that this is a case of heat prostratiOn caused by the hot weather to which remark Hank Bray took exception, saying: "Whut CT yer givin' us, yer ole stiff; it was cool at the time and rainin' ter boot maybe is hat leaked an got water on is brain." Jim Sourmash said: ''Youse fellers are way off on yer metaphysical diagnosis Llmpey died CT alcohOlSnn, ana IT yOuSe fellerS knowed anything at all youse ud-" Just at this point the corpse raised up and said, What in ell are you mugs chawin' the raggerbout? Cant youz let CT feller sleepy" And he rolled over on his side for another snooze The jury then adjourned without reaching a verdict.
 A mad dog passed through town the other day. Miss Vera Schrll saw him T f,s 41I s.,.~ cream table, which landed on the back of an old cat. The cat bumped up her back, knocking the table to an upright position again, and fled quite hurriedly away from there. In it's flight a small child was overturned and split over the floor, whereupon the small child imme- diately set up a yell that brought the town marshal and several citizens to the scene. By this time the mad dog was quite near foaming at the mouth and running toward the house of Major Clay. The town marshal struck at the brute, but his aim was poor, and one of the citizens fell over in a stunned con dtion upon the prostrate form of Miss Sehrill This aroused the lady, who im- nediately screamed murder at the top of her voice. and the internal town mar shal, in the excitement, actually ran to her rescue and began clubbing the un- conscious citizen on the head. By this time the mad dog was further down the street, eN1uSnIly headed TOT the Alligator saloon. The uninjured citizens who had accompanied the marshal began shoot ing at the dog, and filled the little Dew Drop saloon full of lead, puncturing sev- eral barrels of whisky. which began to flow into the street. Some one turned a fire alarm and the department began to look for each other in a frantic haste that plainly showed something was very serious going on. By this time the mad dog was again on his way down the street. He was last seen drinking water out of Pole Cat creek.
 Wednesday night while sitting in our office, smoking and trying to concoct some new scheme for standing off credi- tors, we heard crash such as might be made by dropping 200 lager looking glasses from a balloon down on to a pile of stones We rushed out into the street, where a sight that beggars description met our gaze. Standing near the gutter, wrong end up, with his head in a bowl of soup, was our enterprising bicycle deal CT, MT. Taffit, while James, the messen- ger hustler for the Commercial company was suspended from lamp post by @ rubber tire, which was wound tightly about his neck. In the gutter lay an in- discriminate pile of wheels, tires, sprock- cts, chains, etc., the whole topped off with a barrel of broken dishes. hash and stewed tomatoes. We cut the messenger down from his uncomfortable resting
 
 bowl. Neither was seriously injured, but sMr. Taff1t was caused considerable in- convenience and some pain as a result of having his eyes filled with very warm soup. It seems that Tafit was on his way to the residence of his best girl. and naturally in hurry to get there, while James was making toward the telegraph office, with the operators supper They met in front of the Cyclone office, with the above disastrous result We helped them. gather up the remains of their wheels putting the same in the dinner basket, which was the only thing left unbroken. MT. Taflt's clothing was torn from his person, so we lent him a linen duster to wear home. The duster. by the way, has not yet been returned but We have no doubts as to his honesty. ana snail expect the return of our gar ment as soon as he has another suit made.
 lobe Ffllup has new operatic star at his dance hall, Miss Helen B. Blank She has a voice as piercing as a steam whistle and equally as musical as a partners cry. When her melodious tones first foated into this office we were knocked clear off our stool, and it re- : f1le shock to our nerves. We took several internal applications of chemical cour- age, and after about an hour felt brave enough to tackle anything from 9-foot panther to the devil and taking down cur Winchester we started out to do in- Jury to the source of that agonizing screecb. When we reached Jobe's ordi- 2 " leasant retreat the female fiend
 ting big crowd of people who,
 lives, thought hell had broken
 Rwhere and were anxious to
 about it. She was singing