The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1895-11-19
The Major is Feeling a Little Better -
Re Had a Bad Dream One Night
Recently-Hades Full of / E.
linquent Subscribers.

H0Que0C SuDSSI1DSlS'
B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R.-"Hello! Major. Have you re-
covered your good healthF"
BIN feelin' a little better, but
the news that keeps comm frum the
eIecshuns amt calculated ter cure a
mar ov erbout two dozen different
dizeezes. Even my friends Senators
Hill and German have gone down IN
the wreck. It's awful. Betsy says
Providence is Iayin' its hand Ov justice
on awI these fellers whut are tryln' ter
enslave the people. Ransom went
down in North Carolina. Hill IL Gun
fer in New York. Senator Ingalls,
vent down in Kansas sum time ergo,
Brice, ov Ohio, and German, ov Mary
land, are both in the soup. tell you
the old time Congressman and Senators,
especially the goldoug ones, are getting
sit down on till they don't know where
they are at. Betsy says the folks whut
believe in guide government amt done
yet. She says they have been gettin'
in practice durin' the pact four years
an they'll made a clean swipe next
year. She thinks purity near awl the
sound money fellows will git retired
next year if the South and West do
their full duty. l don't want to scare
anybody, but I give motifs rite now that
Betsy never misses the mark
more tran three times out ov
@ hundred. I see that Captin
Sam Ashe liz writin' in hiZ paper
Wantin' the Dymakrats in North Caro-
lima to seeseed from the New England
folks. I'm ergiust that. We've stuck
TO 'em until they have busted things
wide open. We might just az we'll go
ahead an suffer with them. We are
fer the party name an we mite as well
hold on ter our associates if we hold to
the name. By the way, I wuz readin'
ia your paper the other mite whar you
said lots Of your subscribers are be-
hind, sum ov 'em more than one year.
You say that many ov EN- are hard
pressed ter git money an offer to put
them awl up ter January first, 1896, if
they will send a dollar at once durin'
this month, no matter how far behind
they are. This is a nifty liberal offer.
I'll say this if I am a DymakrRt, an il
every one ~ EN- don't take advantage
eV it an send In the dollar rite away,
they ought to 60 an hide their faces
forever hereafter. No paper ever made
SIGH an offer before. Readin' whu5
you sed erbout it made me have a
dream the other mite. / dreamed that
/ went ter the bad place. Ireckon the
eleckshup news had somethin' ter do
with it. Old Nick tole me ter make
myself at home an stroll round
wherever I pleased. He said Sound
money men are ewlways welcome here,
and the latchstring hangs outside"
The first Teller I seed wuz Mr.. Henry
German. / said, 'HelloI German. I
RlWay g thought you wuz a good Epis
Gopalian. How cum you hereY He
lowed: We'll, 2 Ike, 1 wuz a consis
tent church man an thought 1 wuz
safe fer the upper and better world,
but they brought a lot ov unpaid news
paper subscripshuns erginst me at the
last moment and you see Whar it has
put me-" an ne turned Ground an
poured on another bucket of brim
stone. Directly l met ole man Simon
Bradford. He WIZ a strong member
ov Shady Grove Baptist Church, an
wuz looked on az the best man in two
counties. He sed, Go away, ZakeI
Don't talk ter me. l hain't slept 6
wink In seven years, an don't nevav
expect to agin. Tney put me 10 bnrn.
In unpaid newspaper bills when c,,n-
here, an it takes me awl my time to,
keep THROWN them In the FIRE Tiu;a
aChristian life won't keep a man fr,,a
this place if he don't pay fer hiz pgner
Then I met up with John Thomas. Fl
wuz a strong Methodist an wuz Sur
dav-school Superintendent. He die
when he wuz erbout thirty, an ever,
body said it wuz batter fer him to q
Young. fer he wuz gone ter a bett,
Wurld. He told me he thought 1t vi
aWI rite with him, but when the
brought up a bill fer his a%gricultur
paper an another fer hiz church pap
bills that could have been PAID, I
they were small, he soon saw that
wuz awl up with him. de Wuz so ne
a Christian, and yet so far; linen
woke up. The first thing G1o {
next morning wuz ter mail q don6r
THE Progressive FARMER 30 L Wou
git strate on the books. l WouLQl
take no more risks on that questlc
Gudebye."