Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1895-05-26
THOSE PRETTY SUITS.
The Idler Chirps About the Clothes the
COnYiCtS Wear.
SOMETHING ABOUT THE GARMENTS
A Giant, Non-stealabIe Umbrella mt
Buenos Ayres-Women Are Null
snnces In the Business world
They Don't Understand Banking.

on. Yes. | know a man who distributed
? 500 pairs OF trousers" last week. and
what Is more he distributed them free.
And that isn't hale There wasn't a
dufrer in all the lot Of trousered bene-
hclaries who didn't wish he could get
somebody else to accept his share. All
this seems strange. | know, but when 1
tell YOU that the breeches bore the stamp
OF the Virginia penitentiary you VIII
understand the reluctance with which
they were received. The occasion for this
vast outlay Of trousers was not an in
vasion by woman sunragists, but simply
the annual distribution Of summer cloth
ing to the male convicts. 10 was most
equitable arrangement. Each mans
breeches were as good as his neighbor's,
and no one envied his brother. Al we're
creased alike-that is, all the brooches
and all. all, yes, every leg OF them. bore
the modest but conspicuous stripe, and
all, all were cut according to the fashion
OF the vast hotel, whose register row
numbers nearly 1900 names. In that
crowd there are no bright. particular
Ward McAnisters or Ollie Teals. and In
no place is easier TO be zen regle."
Have you ever thought about the peni-
Tertiary stripes-the place OF their manu-
facture, and the awful sketch OF wasted
lives which they portray 50 wildly in
black and white? They have no connec-
ton with the United states flag that
Haunting emblem OF liberty-on the con-
trary. the penitentiary stripe means any
thing but liberty. 1t is above al things
connected with prison-life-the most re-
pugnant 20 the felon. White and c0lored
alike detest the stripes for they reryade
everything and forever proclaim the
hooking word "disgraced." The very
sheets on the beds are made from this
same zebra pattern, and SO, too. is the
underwear OF the prisoners. and, likewise
their caps. Many. many years $50, in
stead OF having the penitentiary clothes
manufactured according 10 the pattern
now I'm vogue. the suits were made rather
on the checker-board plan. For instance,
a mans trousers from the knee down
would be black and the other part white.
This system was likewise applied &C. tie
coats and other garments But the ccheme
didn't work. Sometimes s. in a spirit OF
brotheriy 10 q. several OF the conyicts
would get together, GEAR up their gar
ments. exchange fractional parts thereof,
and otherwise monkey. until each had
gotten a suit Of one solid color. Then
they would peacefully and unobservedly
depart. and In go doing they would forget
TO leave their cards and addresses with
those who lamented their going.
Let me give you a few facts and figures
I'm -
never seen anything witty about any facts
and figures that I've tackled as yet-but
TO those intimately connected with the
penitentiary or contemplating a connoc-
ton, they may prove interesting Each
season IL takes 1900 yards OF this detesta-
bic striped Kersey and 5000 yards OF
simllarly-decorated flannel 20 supply the
sartorial department OF this grand Old
Commonwealth" Four tailors Chem
selves wearers OF garments symbolical
i'm two senses OF prison garb) are KEEP,
busy running this unpopular tailoring es-
adjustment though little effort Is made
at style, and lcng-lailed getaways have
not yet been adopted by them. All the
artists aim at IS 20 get the clothes sufh-
GENTLY large. As for the rest things have
10 adjust themselves. When a convict Is
liberated his cast-on garments go 70 some
successor in misery. The striped goods
are furnished the penltentlary by Messrs
Jobe Brothers, OF Brucet0Wn, Va
Whether these enterprsng citizens arc
descendants OF the Late patriarch SO badly
afflicted with boils 1 cannot say though
you VIII observe a slight difference IN
the spelling OF the patronymic. At any
rate. they disseminate almost az much
misery by the stripes they produce as
does n good. conscientious, Woodworking
Cat-O'-nine-ta tails
Apropos the subject OF yernal equl-
nOxes, winter lingering In the lap OF
spring. and incessant. unceasing "cussi-
ble." neyer-ending rains, l have q word
10 say about umbrellas. Now, DO not
prick your ears. DO not be on the alert
You'll never get your hands on the UNI
brelLa I'm abiding 10. That's the reason
| mention it-thats the reason the thing
worth mentioning. It's an umbrella that
can't be stOlen-leastWss / don't see how
Il can, though you folks can usually get
away with most anything In that line
that's tangible. They tell me now, they
may be hbbing, for Pm not positiye) thai
some time ago the city OF BucnOs Ayres
South America, received a proposition
from two German mechanical engineer.
% cover the town with a huge ambrelLl
the base Of which Is 20 be GO feet lr
diameter. the height 800 feet ribs OF
cast-irOn 81 inches in circumference and
s feet apart with a lining / IL niche.
thick. The dwarish thing. when raised
will be- one mile and a half wide. Around
it will be a canal communicating with
the Plate river 20 carry away the water
that might overflow the city Whether
BuenOs Ayres will have sense enough "tC
la nlff III
fact. I'm taking the whole thing on faith
and, by the way 70 believe the statement
requires more faith than II does 10 lend
a man your last s. note. Ny Informant
(yyhom / suspect 10 be a lineal descendant
Of Ananias) tells me that the watch-charm
above alluded 70 viii only cost the modest
blushing. little sum Of $4,000. l hay.
ordered a gross. An umbrella that cam
be stolen il worth twice that money
Those deeply Interested in the subject Of
other folks umbrellas. and who desir'
all the Information possible in regard Z,
this matter are respectfully referred {,
my didactic poem on prison Stripes,
which heads this most interesting column
That production is designed TO point q
moral and adorn a tale"
The commercial world OF Richmond
knows me as sort OF mercantll,
saint, with a degree OF patience and bust
capacity which excites the envy 0i
every telegraph and newsbO3
IN the town. During ofiice-hOurs / bristl'
with penholders on my ears and othel
equipments qualifying me 10 enter tbs
internecine war for dollars and cents anC
| am as thoroughly systematic as a street
car horse. Nothing rufiies me-that Is
nothing except the thing OF which / shal
speak later / rejoice IN sight-draft'
and notes payable on demand, and Wha
Is more. / always make Il a pOlnt Z,
open champagne with collectors and Il
set out Havanas 20 boOk-agents But
l draw the line on a woman. A woman
TO deal with in business is worse Than q
case OF ague and fever. There Is no shak
ing them of, 10 satisfying them, No
reasoning with them. and 20 convincing
them that they are wrong. When 1 re
call dry-goods clerks and reflect with q
shudder upon what they have TO undergo
l can with difficulty reDress the eAclanaa'
ton: Truly. these men have already wof
In early life the 'lead-plpe cinch' OF
eye.y available royal diadem." Heavens
how / do pity those dry-soods people
And yet. they tell US that woman IS push
ing ahead I'm business ami that ere many
years she'll be right aDace with Us. Mean
while. I'll be reading no on the NEST ex'
peditlous means al committing suicide.
I know a lady whose husband opened
M a bank-account for her and Supplied
her with a check book. She was delighted
81 fotnd absoltfe Measure In writing