The daily morning journal and courier., 1895-05-28

a short condition. "-Household Words,
 "There's one comfort, ," said the philos- opher, when his wages were reduced; ''when I'm laid up sick, now, shan't lose so much money"-Boston Tram script
 Did you look at that bill I left yes- terday, sir?" said a collector to a mem Der of congress. Yes" was the reply. Tt has passed first reading. Town Topics,
 At the Theater--Aunt Maria-I de- clare but isn't it too bad? The bill says this is a spectacular play, and here we have everyone of us left our spec tacles at home!-Boston Transcript.
 Landlord Logic.-Prospeotlv Tenant T like the top floor best. Why doesn't | the fire escape go lower than the third | floor? Agent-It isn't needed. The first three floors are empty,-Harper's Ba- gar.
 The giving of the bride by her father is not a very important part of the marriage ceremony, but the giving away of some maidens by their little rothers has prevented many marriages. New London Telegraph.
 Its strange how England hates to let go of anything" said the man who worries. Yes" replied the man of violent prejudices; the only thing that country seems willing to drop is the letter h."-Washingon Star,
 Mary Jane-why does the man in the middle O the diamond stand and hold the ball so long and make faces at the man with the bat? Abner-Can't you see? Wants to make him so mad he can't hit it.-Cleveland Plain Dealer
 q think I have it now" said the in- ventor. What is il? ?" "A slot machine. You drop a nickel in, and the machine gives you a receipt for it, and gives a penny to the missionary cause. That Is more liberal than usual, ain't it?"-In- dianapolis Journal.
 Jane-Henry, what would you do if you should go to the postoffice, buy a stamp, ask the man to stick it on for you, and he refuse? Henry (who is very serious)-What would I do? Stick 1t on myself Jane-I should stick it on the letter.-Tit-Bits
 Papa, what did you pay for this horse?" ''He cost me 5000, Johnny" And don't he never have anything to sleep on but straw?" No What is wrong about that?" Tt ain't good enough. If he was mine I'd buy a fold ing bed for him. ."-Chicago Tribune.
 Mrs MeelSton's husband is terribly shiftless man." said one of the members of the Society of Emancipated Wo- men. How do you know?" His wife has gone around for days with but ton off her vest and her suspender fastened by a hairpin. n."-Washington Star.
 MT. Billus-Mary, how does 1t happen that Fanny isn't going to church with you this morning? Mrs Billus-You know as well as do, John, that when has got to stay at home. | There isn't room for four pairs of | sleeves in our pew.-Chicago Tribune.
 Sometimes in the Way.-"Who's this | man who has grown so rich in your | ward?" "oh, that's skayte, an ignorant sort of fellow"
 And the man who's banlSrupt?"
 That's Mazzles, the eminent author Ity on financiering. ."-Chicago Record. He lay in a hospital ward
 Both of his legs were off,
 Besides, he had consumption,
 And was struggling with cough. A lady offered him a tract,
 He took it with grin,
 For he saw the tract was headed, Dancing Is a Sin"
 New York Press. May Cover Many Similar Cases Here is one faulty passage in your jtory," said the editor. Hal william!
 have found you out, have I?' he lissed.' Now how could he hiss those yords?"
 "He might have had hairlip. sir" eplied the gifted young author, rising o the emergency.-C Tribune.