Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-03-12
IT DIDN'T WORK.
The Man With a Bad Neck Tried DSN&St-
 full Experiment.

The Man With a Bad Neck Tried a D$&De~
 full Experiment..
 was about ready for bed the other night when I heard great yelling in the back yard and ran out to discover that trampish looking man had nearly sawed his head off on wire clotheskns stretched from fence to fence.
 'Tll make you pay me damages for this,'' he shouted at me as lifted him up and kindly asked after his moral and physical welfare.
 My friend, you are way off on yeor points of law" replied without anger: "While the law may not allow spring guns, it does permit and encourage fam fly clotheslines. You entered my prem ises of your own free will and with an object to me unknown. Had you been snoving at dignifed and proper gait there would have been no calamity. I Co not wish to be too inquisitive, but would you kindly state the nature of your errand here?'
 II was goin to strike you fur quar- ter, but when that dog next door began to bark, IT.
 "You lost your nerve and madearush. I follow you. My dear sir, Nbu havemet with streak of good luck"
 "Tll be hanged if I see it," he growled. i've sawed my old head almost off on that wire"
 "Let me clucidate. Firstly, had you knocked on my door and routed mo out at this unseemly hour you would have got leather instead of cash and perhaps brought up in the police station. Sec ondly, previous to this windfall, wirefaH or whatever you may term it you had no special reason for appealing to char ity. Now you have. You can work your neck in this town for at least six weeks. Thirdly, instead of giving you the boot hereby hand you couple of dimes. You have every reason to con- graduate yourself and not one single cause of complaint"
 "Does my neck look purity bad%' he asked in gentler tones.
 "Yes, pretty bad. The skin is cut from ear to ear"
 And would the sight of it appeal to your sympathies, for instance"
 Ut would. Humanely speaking, it is my positive belief that the visible in jury will soften the hearts of four men out of five, to say nothing of the sympa- thetic housewives. He went away with strange sort of gurgling in his throat, and I entered the house, congratulating myself that my philosophy was up to the average. l had just kicked off my shoes when the front doorbell rang, and I opened the door to find my back yard tramp stand ing before me.
 Boss" said he, i've met with bad accident, and being poor man I am forced to appeal to charity. Look at my neck:'
 "Yes, it looks bad. Poor man, eh?"
 "Yes, sir-poor, but honest. But for this accident I should not be forced to ask for assistance.
 "The wound itself must be painful, and no doubt your throat is so sore that it is almost impossible to swallowT' That's it, sir. I haven't been able to swallow for three days and don't ex- pect to fur a week to come"
 That's both good and bad-good be- cause being poor man you woTt have to eat anything for a week or so, and can therefore get along without outside | ueI F, dlu Ddu DSCduSo N6tS SOlLlS GO HI vite you into the house to have a whisky sling and bite of cold turkey. Did you want anything of me that you came and rang my doorbell?"
 ''Did I? Did I? You bet did! want to say right here and now that you are the meanest old cuss I've run across since old Samson had his ha'r cut, and you can put that in your pipe and smoke it."
 But as I don't smoke lost the benefit of at least half his heartfelt observation. Detroit Freo Press.