The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1894-03-21
BoOL OF GROVER.
csy Hezekiah, the scribe)


they listeth not to the locality where
they abideth at
For behold, in the beginning they
girded up their loins and went before
the people, crying with a loud voice,
Verify, we say unto men that We are
Groverites, from exceeding far back, and
woe unto ye who forgot it.
And verify, We hold in exceeding greai
detestation that which the children oi
men call the tariff, for il is not q thing
fashioned for our enemies, the same
which hath licked the everlasting stuff
ing out Of US from generation to genera
ton
Yea, verify, this same little protective
tariff, it buildeth furnaces in the valley
and sinokestacks on the mountain top /;
il turneth the wheels Of progress, and
causeth the desert TO blossom like unto
a green bay tree.
Wherefore do We of he tribe Of Gro
yer the great despise the same as a
curse and abominatioR in the sight Of
men.
Yea, as a stencil that olFsndeth our
nostrils, the same which we smelleth
from afAr Off
And behold, in the great and terrible
day Of the ballot, when the army of
voters be gathered together, shall We
arise in our might and smite our enemies
into mince meat.
Yea, we shall lay them cut could on a
platform Of free trade, and cover them
over with planks of tariff reform.
And our enemies shall be scattered
ike unto the leaves of the forest, for
Grover shall rend them into fragments
like unto potter's vessel, the which
hath been smitten by the fiipper of s
youth, and then shall the end come.
For in that day shall our banner be
planted on the outer wall of the great
citadel Of the nation, and We shall bow
down unto Grover, our deliyerer, who
shall henceforth be known as our Saw
iour on Mount Buzzard.
And he shall reign for four years, and
shall shower good times and fat Offices
and special messages and free raw ma
terials upon US in rich Abundance for
ever.
And the black smoke Of industry shall
no longer obscure the monday sun, and
the farmer shall wear pants woven in
foreign parts and socks from the isles Of
the sea-
And it was even so. And after the
space of a time, Grover, who was a
mighty fisher girded up his lines and
his chattels and his cabinet and went
and pitched his tent over against the
capitol which is in the land Of Colam bia
and the band playei behold the cat
hath come back.
CHATTER II.
Now when Grover was crowned king
ofthe nation it came to pass that he was
puffed up in the pride Of his heart and
his other viseera, inasmuch as his raj
ment became several eUDits too small to
contain his j1blots.
And he shook himself by the hand,
which is after the manner Of his tribe,
and spake unto himself, saying HA, ha
Behold | am monarch Of ALL eau get.
Four years more Of Grover; four more
years in clover. o, America, America,
how often would have gathered We un-
der my wing, but We would not.
But now have ye on the hip, and ye
are confronted with 4 condition, not a
theory, for behold, will rule or ruin
ye.
Yea, verify, to commence with, 1 will
bsaudish my great silver sword, and all
who believe on me aud do my will shall
be saved, and all who don't shall be
broke.
And will call my soothsayers togeth-
er and they shall tinker at the tariff,
and when they have finished their
tinksrine, Mckinley, the father Of the
factory, will not recognize the same.
And it shall come to pass that all ye
who heaIken unto the sound Of my
voice, shall have sewing machines from
Glasgow at cost and ten off, and CORFU
gated copper gaskets from the ends of
the earth.
And when Grover had spike these
words he crew twice, and the people went
out and wept bitterly.
CHAPTER III.
And after the space Of a time it came
10 pass that when the sheph hlrds took Of
the frstlings Of their flock and sheared
them, antw up to the city to ex-
change their aeeces for pieces Of silver,
the wise men Of the city said uato them /:
Not this season s0ms other season
Yea, Grover is great He is all wool and
yard wide, but the slump in wool is
several cubits wider.
And the shepherds marveled exceed
ing and some Of them, yea even they
which had harkend unto the voice Of
Grover smote their breasts and went and
down with bent heads crying to one an
ather, Behold if thou wilt kick me
will do even 81 unto thee"
And when the diggers Of the earth
went up with their silver and lead and
precious stones and said unto the money
changers, "Give Us food that we may
eat, and clothing that We may dress up"
the money changers laughed little cold,
hard laughs, and sang songs Of great
sacTilege, saying:
"Groyer, Grover. four more years Of
Grover; We woIld buy your lead, but
times are dead, till fur more years are
over,T and other psalms.
And when they heard the psaImists
many hired kickers aud others tore
their hair, and all inhabitants Of the ma
ton said damn
And it came to pass that the storms
came and the panic decended and the
children Of darkness lifted MP their
hands and wrung them in great lamen-
tation, saying
Wherefore art thou. Gro yer. our de-
liyerer, and wherefore art the good