Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1894-01-17
UUM0R OF THE DAv.

HUMOR Or THE DAv.
1t is not mans SINS that find I'm oIt
it's his NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Gooe.
The great part of a self-wilei mans
estate usually goes to the lawyers. Troy
Press.
Every day a man hears a doz.I ,nings
he ought to do tnat he can't do.-Atcul.
son Globe.
"Do you believe in fate, Pat2" "Sure
and phwat would we stand on wiIou
'em2'-Siftings.
Whatever may be said of sweet ear.
she can't be too good to De true. PHI
1delphia Times.
There Is no nelp for the case Of the
woman who cant get servant.
Idelphia Record.
Teacher-''What is hero2" Tommy
THE man who marries a heroine. =
indianapolis Journal.
The cynic is the man who knows the
price of everything and the vaiue Of
nothing. Fun.
Women are not cruel to dumb animals.
No woman will wi.fuilY step on ml Ise.
Richmond Recorder.
1t appears to be the business Of the
needy tramp to go around looking 70,
Acknowledgements Leader.
''Do you think this tooth will stand
pa+f oil -
aas plenty of nerve. inter Ocean.
The man who thaws out dynamite is
being heard from. There is generally
put one report. Baltimore American.
The Keg-"Your head piece is posi-.
lively ugly" The Barrel (proudly)-
"Maybe, but 1 wear hoops. ."-Chicagc
News.
Time is generally represented as carry.
ing a scythe. This will probably be kept
up till it is no mower.-Philadelphil
Times.
"There's another unconscious humor-
ist!" gleefully remarked the footpad as
he saudbagged the punster.-Washing
ton Star.
"There's a time to work and time tC
play" but to the hand-organ grinder
both times come at once.
Democrat.
"Say, Chimmie," said the boy WHIT
had white pink, ode blokie dat named
dis flower must ov bin color blind. -
Washington Star.
That the cynic is an extreme type oI
humanity is indicated by the fact that
he is always very old or very young
Washington Star.
81 feel better about hckin' this postage
stamp" said the boy vino had been sent
to mail letter. "It's nearer my size. >
Washington Star.
"Yes," said the man who had jus
fallen down three flights of stairs, ''Ivt
Eeen on quite an extended trip. Kate
Fields Washington.
Dullpate-"I ind it very hard work
to collect my thoughts" Maud-"PL
says it's always difficult to recover small
amounts. Inter Ocean.
Mulge-"Thompson called me an
idiot" YabsIey-"You needn't mia
that. Thompson always does exaggerate
more or less. Tit Bits.
What maks the bicycle popular with
many, rich or poor, is that, after trying
to ride one, they feel that they are better
otf.-Philadelphia Times.
Artist-"How do you like the por-
trait 1 made of youl" Cranky Subject
-"Well, the coat is too tight under the
arms. New York Journal.
The words of mans mouth tell nc
more of the meditations of his heart than
the voice of dinner bell tells of the
quality OF the dinner.-Puck.
when It comes to revenue cutters, >
said old Bullion, shipping off another
coupon, "there's nothing like good
pair of shears. Chicago Tribune.
A difference between a knife blade
losing its temper and a woman is that
the former becomes duler and the latte
more cutting.-Philadelphia Times.
When smiles the glad millennium
Upon this mighty nation
An Office will be found for each
In the whole population.
Washington Star.
At a Party: Suitor-"Mein Fraulein,
love you." Rich Young Lady (point.
ing with her fan to her father)-''Ex.
cuse me, yonder is my business manager
Wiener Luft.
Mr.. Horton-"Whst on earth did you
want of this expensive fire screen!'
Mrs. Horton-"To keep callers from dis
covering that we hadn't any fire. CHI.
cago Inter-Ocean.