Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-15
HOW TO TALK TO MEN.
A Socially Successful Woman Advises
Certain Conversational Methods.

A Socially Successful Woman Advises
Certain Conversational Methods.
From the st. Louis Republic
There is a Turkish legend that gives a
good index to this part of social ethics.
A mendicant was dying. He called his
son to his bedside and said: my boy you
must go through life trusting to yourself
now. / can leave you no money, but much
wisdom and this mirror. Carry it always
with the back to your face, presenting the
mirrored surface to the world"
Years passed on. and the boy mendfcant
became rich merchant. Gold had poured
into his Golfers as he walked through the
world, his shining shield rejecting all he
met
Contentment came with these riches. then
curiosity. Why, he thought, am I SO
loved? What do do that men should call
me fair and agreeable? What occult mag
netism do 1 possess to so easily compel
this flow of riches? And he turned the
mirror for the first time toward his own
face. He was charmed. 1t gave back his
features beautiful and glorified. He saw
himself in its shimmering surface crea-
ture fair to behold. agreeable to be with
a laughing, enchanting picture! Lost in
rapture and love for himself, he paused in
his way thereafter to gaze into the ex-
Gold there was none left People passed
him by unsmling. He wondered, when not
absorbed with self, WHY this condition was,
and he died. poor and forgotten.
The legend is to society the laws of
the Pundit to the Brahmars. 1t explains
all. Go through life rejecting people, TOT
as they are, but as they wish to be, and
the good things of the world are yours
Why present to any man an ugly image
of himself when his faults can be ignored
and his virtues pleasingly presented with
out seeming ostentation or flattery?
Some veritst may exclam that such an
attitude Is not fair one-but now prove
lis theory. There need be no "toadying,"
no cringing, no playing for favors,' but
the brighter side of each mans life sug
gested to him by conversation.
Another claim to remembrance f3 this:
Said n society woman known for her
tact and quantity of friends, whom 1
queried as to her social tactics: II have a
plan-possibly not original, but certainly
successful-of ignoring the especially pleas
ant thing a man necessarily knows about
himself. Each one has a particular ac-
complishment that this world invariably
'tacks' to his name. He is pleased. of
course, to possess this one accomplishment
but rest assured, he secretly wonders If IT
can be the sum total of his attraction. So
] try to discover some other quality. find
If he has the virtue of dressing well-then
/ also discover some immensely clever re-
mark of his I make point of mentioning
ii to him.
'Tf. on the other hand. he is clever, then
I particularly admire a certain suit of
clothes. or the fashion in his ties. If he
dances well. then I find that he has male
some good business deals. BE perfectly
sure, my dear, he will think you vastly
more appreciative than any other woman
ard the underlined gratitude he feels Mt the
bright side of himself you have reflected
hack brings you many a delightful atten-
ton" And she concluded: This is not
hypocrisy in me, nor silly vanity in him.
/ love to be treated after that manner my
sell. and my gratitude is equal to the
mans
A third point is to remember. If possi-
bic, what n man talked most interestingly
or earnestly to YOU about the last time
you net. 1t shows interest in most sub
tie way. Naturally this Is no easy task If
the lapSes between visits are long, and
you meet a goodly number of men. But If
ii is possible to RENE nlber the result will
prove its wisdom. CAS- you once said has
a penetrating charm for the listener. be
II man or woman. 1t is useless to deny
that for human nature the first person sin
gular is the most agreeable conjugation
in grammar. And this brings up final
bit of advice which is one of the we'll
known arts of conversaton-paradoxic as
it may seem-be a patient, sympathetic
listener. For IL Is essentially true that
he who proves you q clever talker by his
attention will impress you more with his
cleverness than had he talked.