The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1894-06-10
ETCHED
AND
SKETCHED.

For three long years I dwelt upon the
rock-bound coast Of New England-that
purltanlcal section where, as you all know.
they announce engagements as soon as
they are made, and sometimes even be-
lore they are made. New England Is a
very queer region Of country 1t has been
saud that II two youngsters, natives Of
massachusetts, be locked I'D in cell
together they will make five dollars a
piece swapping coats. Whether this be-
True or not, there are certainly some no.
uceable features about life I'm the coun-
try where the dIsgruntled Purtans first
uiScoVered witches. one of the features
you can't help noticing Is tbat every
household possesses from a dozen to
hundred souvenirs brought over in the
Mayfower; so that ~ all the relics be
Mhat they are trumped up 10 be, why the
MaynOWer would still be making monthly
ulps back and forth across the pond,
transporting cargOs Of freight with which
70 embellish drawing roms and the Ike.
Did you ever visit New England? II
not then YOU have treat IN store.
TO Sit beneath ono or those great ems
OF which Loncfenow wrote. when he and
Allan Poe were trying 10 prove 10 the
world that the other was the most bare
faced plagiarst that ever cribbet an
obituary notice. to wander through the
hayhclds which gave inspiration 10 OllVer
Wendell Holmes. the clever n AN who pos
seSSed Cand0r enough 10 SUM Up a = o clock
tea with "ggglc, gabb.c, gCDblc, and GIT
20 linger about the hawthorn lanes mat
filed Emerson with thoughts that yet re-
main TO be put into inteleible shape Tor
the compreheusiC OF mOrtals ike you
and me, who still cling tcnccrly 10 tie
bread and-butter scienCCs-thcse arc priNl-
lcges which thrill the church editor WIN
emotion. and arouse In the superintendent
Cf the personal and General" column an
ambition 10 launch forth on The bjlloWy
sea Of literature. and u axe name lot
himself writing poems and patent medi-
cine notices.
When you 60 to New England, one
Of the first questions the people there VIII
ask YOU is. Don't the girls down south
marry very young. Nearly everybody
met when ! lived up there prOp0urded
nat question TO me. u was pointed
question. for the truth is The Southern
girls do begin 10 think about matrimony
pretty early in life. However j us o.
tell ;hem. Yes We do get married down
our way rather young, but when we get
married, as q general rule We stay mar
ricd, and the courts don't have 10 employ
an extra set Of clerks TO Keep the divorce
records" Now scarcely week ago / was
looking over n Rhode Island paper. and
would you believe 10, twenty-iour divorce
cases in one day. The city I'm winch
these proceedings took place is only
trine larger than Richmond. At the bot
tom Of these suits rested such claims as
rOn-suppOrt. neglect deserti0n. cruelty, in
cessant chatter and general cussedness. 10
is only reasonable 20 suppose that the di-
vorce reporter with such statistics star
ing him in the face like 50 many horrible
spectTes would think twice before lcaping
into the matrimonial net. He probably
has some individual opinion as 10 whether
marriage be a failure. But Oh what
financial picnic for the oinciating clergy
men.
In New England-at least in that sec
ton Of the country where j hung out
e.... Il H.aa..t I'd. "a .H
nary surgeon. they call 10 these days
but / was just a plain ordinary horse
doctor they sold eggs potatoes. tomatoes
and the like by the pound. This was a
feature Of New England life that sur
passes ANYTHING Of the kind 10 De seen
in the South. where bantam eggs bring
pretty much the same price as goose eggs
except those acquired by the Richmond
baseball club. They come higher. II is
not only fair and honest TO sell pOta-
toes bv the pound. but it's more business
Ike, for everybody knows that some Io-
tatOcs are larger than some other po-
uatOes. and consequently render better
service when ones stomach IS IL hoWllhB
wilderness.
In New England they don't celebrate
Christmas MS We DO down South. CHRIST
mas in those bleak REGIONS IS simply
a quie. holiday with few demonstrat-
ticns in thu way Of explosives. The IN
habitants spend most Of thcir surplus
funds in this direction on July 4th, when
spontaneous combustion greets the stran-
ger on every street. On that day noise
is abundant q general series Of festiVi-
ties mark the occasion. and there IS
sufficient supply Of jubilance 10 make
John Bull's man turn green with envy.
In a town Of 1900 inhabitants. the city
fathers appropriate about $500 annually
for fireworks with which TO celebrate the
Fourth THANKSGIVING is more generally
observed among the New Englanders
than their Southern cousins. Down here
we play football try TO bankrupt the
slot machines. and drink whiskey. Up
there they enter into the spirit Of the
occasion. 4 Southern preacher In Ne"
Hampshire lost his job by not observing
Thanks giving as his flock wanted him 10.
he t0ld one of his members that ha
wasn't particularly thankful FOR anything
but the Democratic victory in Mississippi |
This didn't go, and when y few months
later some Of his members charged him
with having refused 20 Ofnciate at the |
funerals of some Of the Union soldiers In |
New Orleans. he told them they were Ia
boring under erroneous impre, siOns, for he |
would have taken great pleasure IN con |
Quoting the funeral services OF the whole |
gang. This didn't 60 either, and tie |
preacher left the brethren and care |
south JACK OF HEARTS.