Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-10-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A civil tongue is better protection
for the head than steel helmet
Rams Horn.
Praising yourself relieves your
friends of great burden. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
What availeth it if girl wear white
kid slippers and nobody sees them?-
Oil City Blizzard.
Some men ought to be ashamed of
themselves, but they never happen to
think about it. it.-Galveston News.
People who are always telling their
troubles are never at loss for some
thing to talk about. Ram Horn.
No person ever lives the allotted
years of man without wishing he
hadn't written that letter, Puck.
We don't believe O long g-haired man
knows any more about medicine than
O short-haired man. an.-Atchison Globe.
He-sShall we take the cars down
town!" She-"No, Jack; let's have
the cars take us down town. Truth.
'Oh, doctor doctor I've swallowed
filbert." 'tSwallow nutcracker,
madam. Five dollars. Chicago Tri-
bune.
Higbee-"By Jove, old man, you
ore looking extremely we'll. Been
taking O vacation?" Bradford-tNo
my wife has. Truth.
A man spends most of his time when
around home in wondering where the
women folks have "hid" the things he
wants -Atchison Globe.
Stewart "Miss Milford is a very
magnetic girl" barley (who isjealous)
.--t'I have heard that she shocks every
one she meets. Truth.
Awe had an addition to the
family yesterday" B-"Congratulate
YOU, old man q boy CT girl?" A
"Neither mother-in-ldw. Truth.
A mothers idea of as good luck as
any one can ask for is to occasionally
find pair of stockings in the pile
that doesn't need darning. -Atchison
Globe.
Admirer-"Where did You get all
this wonderful strength" Famous
Strong Man-'I was carver in
boarding house for three years. -
Syracuse Post.
"What do you think? Dick said
that was the prettiest girl at the re-
ception." ''Think? Why, that he
can't consult an oculist any too quick. ="
Chicago Inter Ocean.
''There's one thing ] can't under
stand about mosquitoes, said Bobbie.
"Where do such little bits of things
keep those great big bites that spread
about SO o?"-Harper's Bazaar.
Chow did Officer Dulan get the
silver medal he wears?" '1t was for
bravery" ''What did he do?"
"Walked by three fruit stands without
taking anything. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
"What does DR.. Slimpurse say pro-
duced this case of appendicitis?
'Lack of work" "What! Why, the
man never has on idle day." "Oh,
no; but Slimpurse has. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
Mrs. Nucook-"Isn't it funny, dear,
we are never troubled with tramps?
Why is it, I wonder?" Mr.. Nucook-
"Probably because you always give
them something to eat, darling. =
Chicago Inter Ocean.
"Carry any life insurance." ''Yes.
$4,000 in favor of my wife. Should
think you'd be ashamed to look her in
the face" "Wha-what for?" "For
living. What excuse do you give her?"
Indianapolis Sentinel.
Dick-"Cholly's down with nervous
prostration. He read cablegram IN
the paper that it was raining in Lon
don and couldn't turn up his trousers.
Harry-"Why not?' Dick--"He had
on knee breeches. New York Herald.
How odd it is that it seems never to
have occurred to the street-car people
that by taking all the seats out OF
their cars they could get a great deal
moro room than they have now for
folks to stand up.-Somerville Jour-
nal.
Cumso-"S essay, old man, why don't
YOU try electricity for your baldness"
Caraway-" Electricity? What good
could that possibly do me? Does it
make the hair grow?" Cumso-"Best
thing you could use-sure to give you
shock. Harvard Lampoon.
"My dear" he said to his wife upon
returning home after the vigilarce
committee were through with him,
81 have remembered Mt last to get the
tar to paint the roof with; and / have
brought you home some feathers to
fill those cushions that you have been
making. Truth.