The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1894-11-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

GGtUeSto7a NetOS.
Unfortunately for ourselves we all like
to be mistaken for something we are
not.-MilecGutee Journal.
No man who claims to be doing busi-
ness for God has any right to use a short
yardstick. Horn.
There is no lack of good form at
Atlantic City, especially during bathing
hours. - Philadelphia Record.
A poor mans all weighs as much on
the scales they use in heaven as rich
mans millions. Horn.
The young man of this generation will
not be satisfied with push. What he
wants is pull.-GdlUeSto7a Neoos.
Revenge will make man walk to
places where charity could not coax him
in carriage.-MilaoGukee Journal.
Henderson-Why did they turn Skin
ner out of the church, williamson
he sold the pastor horse.-LJe.
Hoax-Why do you call that trolley
car conductor 'Time'P Joax-Because
he waits for no man. = Philadelphia
Record.
"Do you have to have license to sell
these Frankfurter sausagesP" 20. no;
we make them out of licensed material.
M z. Press.
Dibbles-Is it true that Kasher's father
kicked on your coming to their house?
Dudell adly)-Er-no; on my going.
Buffalo Courier.
When a girl has dimple in her cheek
she doesn't usually get to be more than
IL years old before she learns how to
work it.-Sonaerville Journal.
Strawber = Did you feel the late
financial depressionP Singerly-Feelit!
Why, for a month wasn't able to bor-
row q shilling Boston Budget.
Call him veteran joke writerP
Why, he is not more than 20 years DID,"
"That is so; but his jokes are veterans
all the same. "EIfadtarsdpolis Journal.
Miss Sears-Some of my friends are
urging me to go on the stage; what do
you think? Van Pelt : Well, you
know how strict the Gerry society is.
(which would yon rather be, knave
or foolp" asks Idioticus. Il don't
know" replied Cynicus. "What has
been your experiencep"-Bostom Budget.
"Poor, dear thing; he married for
love!" @Ah! and was unhappy" "Yes;
he found that the girl couldn't even sup
port herself, to say nothing of him!"-
Truth.
Jilson, who has been out in the coun-
try for several weeks, says he noticed
that in the agricultural race the cabbage
nearly always comes out q head.-Baf-
ldLo Courier.
Dinkle-This bewildering maze the
poets write of, I wonder what it meansP
Lusher - Bewildering mazeP Some
thing about corn juice, suppose.-Bwt-
falo Courier.
"Cholly is very unfortunate in the i'm
preston he makes" said one girl. "Yes,
replied another. His clothes are so
loud and his remarks are so soft!"-
Washington Star.
Brown-Jones seems to be working
hard for the nomination. SMITH
should say so. just published his fourth
letter stating that he is not candidate.
brooklyn Life.
Ethel-He was very attentive to me.
wonder if he knows that have money!
Clarissa-You say he was very attentive
to youP Eyes. C.-Then he knows
tn Y Press.
Tommy-Paw, why do the Democrats
have the rooster for their emblem? Mr..
Figg-Because he shows off to the best
advantage only when he is on the fence.
Cincinnati Tribune.
Careful mother-Johnny, when you
leave the table before the others you
must always say Excuse me- Johnny
What! When there amt any COM
nanvP-B BOSfO71 T-n7aSc1-iDt
Amateur Poet-It was at the time
when my fancee Tilted me thai 1 dis
covered my poetic vein and. Good
Friend-Yes, yes; a misfortune never
comes alone.-Ftiege7sde BlGtter.
Dora-Men may not think so, but
nowadays there are a great many girls
who have no intention of ever marrying.
George-O, know it. I've proposed
to dozen of them.-M. Y Weekly.
Mrs. Hicks-I ordered ten yards of
dress goods here yesterday, to be sent;
has it been cut yetP Floorwalker-No,
indeed; the clerk said you hadn't been
in yet to change your mind.--M Y.
World.
"See, Mary, are not these flowers
beautiful" "Deed and they are, miss
Many time have seen just like 'em
in bunnits! Amt it wonderful how
nat'ral the Lord can make things!"-
Harlem Life.
every body speaks of him as rising
young man." said the young woman.
Eyes" replied the young man, "you see,
he never loses chance to get up and
give lady seat in horse car."-
Washington Star.
WOOL didn't take any vacation this
year; didn't need one. Van Pelt- But
you worked hard, didn't youp Wool
Yes, but you see l saved myself good
deal by not taking any last year.-Katt
Fields Washington.
"This used to be a very popular hotel.
wonder why it is so empty?" "The
proprietor got up baby show last veal
for the hotel babies. Of course wher
the prize was awarded all left but one.
--Harper's Bazaar.
Little Ethel wonder why men lkt
to talk about their old school days
Little JOHNNY s'pose after they ge
growed up they is always tryin' to fnC
out where the teacher lives, so they car
lick him.-Good NeaoS.
First Hen--There seems to be troubl,
Matching in China, if the papers are tell
ing the truth. Second Hen-Wel1, tina
is all I have ever been able to hatcl
from China, and I have tried lonG
time.-IndtGrsapolts Journal.
as your baby strong?" "Well,
should say so. He raised the whole
family out of bed at o'clock this morn
ing, and scientists say that that's th'
hour when every ones strength is at it
lowest point. "-Harper's Bazar.
Farmer Brown CATER fourteen hour
st haying)-Never mind, Tommy, hay
in don't last forever. Jest remembel
that winters comm soon, an nothin' t.
do but saw wood an tend the cattle an
60 to school an study nights. Harper
Basdr.
Mrs Mulgrew-Are ye goin' to sin,
yer. boy Tommy back to school thi
weekP Mrs. O'Dooley-No, indade
me ambition is to make an alderman Q
him phwhin he grows up, an if he GO
too much eddication he'd be shpoiIe
for the position intoirely.-B BroOb[u1