Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1894-08-22
TEA-TABLE SALAD,

"A Kansas farmer refers to his
blooded goat as his bread and butter
Did you ever go to Bins, the tailor ~
Eyes. Got two suits from him. One
dress suit, One lawsuit. Very expensive
man."
Wife-"Don't you believe the gas
meter is defective in some way?'' Hus-
band-'It may be, but | notice that it is
able to fill the bill every month"
-Tommy-"Paw, I heard a man say
that Mr.. Bats was self-made man.
What is q self-made MANI Mr.. Tinkle
"A man who knows how to buy a dol
lars worth of work for 80 cents.'
--Stillingfeet-"W would you do
with a tailor who never has your trousers
liver them?" Wienbiddle-"Sue him for
breeches of promise. Truth.
Mrs. Skeleton Bang-"What new dish
es have you had since you have your new
cook" Mrs. Tinkle-"A whole new din
ner set and several extra pieces besides,
and she's only been here a week"
-Amy-"l remember your friend Glare
| married Mr.. Nicotine SO as to reform him
lie was such an Incorporate smoker.
How did she succeed?" Joe-"Perfectly.
He gave up tobacco entirely-aE took to
| drink. "-Arkansaw Traveller.
-He-'I love you, dearest, and / never
shall love you one whit less. 1t shall be
my purpose as long as | live to make you
happy and cOntented." She-"1es, yes;
I've been married before. Let us come
down to something practical. How much
are YOU gong to allow me per week for
| spending money"
Il wonder if it is necessary to bal
ance books in business|' said Mrs. Smith,
addressing Mrs. Jones. Il don't know:
but why do you ask" answered the latter
! lady. 81 was thinking if it was absolute
Y Try tn
| it, for my husband never stays down to
his office at night to balance books, but. he
comes home drunk. New York Press.
-Maude-"Oh, he wrote me a lovely
poem. 1t began:
When you would know why men go mad,
Go gaze into your mirror
Bertha-'What bosh. You're not sc
ugly as all that. '-Pearsons Weekly.
One of the religious weeklies tells its
readers how to make an aeolian harp, but
it doesn't tell them how they can appease
the neighbOrs afterWards.-SOm
Journal
When we saw the good man standing
with the twins in his arms and singing
Let Cares Like a Wild Deluge Come
we knew the great religious convention
was Il spiritual success.-Plain Dealer.
"A Nebraska paper wants to put down
riot and resurrection" This is like q
POpulist orator who stated his premises
and then said: From these facts we
seduce the following conclusions. Min
neapolis Journal.
1t is not the woman who fires up the
quickest that makes the best match
Richmond Dispatch.
Its all up with me- groaned Sky
lite, as he sank on the eighth stairway,
endeavomng to reach his fiat after a hard
days labor.-BostOn Courier.
Little Ethel-"Papa says my doggie
has heas. What shall / do?' Little
Johnny-"W'e never visitors call take him
to them to pet"-Good News.
Someone should devise a new style
| of night shirts for the men. They are so
ugly they are enough to make a bride sit
up all night.-Atchison Globe.
-Husband-'What? Another new
dress? You say that dress is worn out %
Wife-"Yes, my darling, I've worn it out
twice, and to receptions both times.'-
Truth.
In parts of this country dogs are
used to drag around little milk carts In
connection with this beverage there is lit
tie harm in working the growler.-Phila-
delphia Times.