The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1894-04-25
PITH AND POINT.

PITH AND POINT.
The girl who laces merely does it as
matter of form. philadelphia
Record.
We could stand prosperity much
better if We only had the time to en-
Joy it.-Puck. 81
s'Strange, said the actor, s'that the
ties should seem fewer as I get nearer
home l''-Plain Dealer.
It takes sharp man to find out q
woman's failing; but when a man
fails the whole town echoes with the
news. Puck.
A woman asks-"How am I to treat
nv husband that may have absolute
confidence in him?" Kill him. -
Atchison Globe.
It is nothing to brag about when q
homely person says with air of self
approval 'I'll be plain with you"
Boston Transcript.
.sYes, he's my dog. He answers to
the name of Jowler." elbow can he
answer to it? You've cut his tail clear
of."-Chicago Tribune.
The most serious trouble in some
towns is that there is nobody to en-
force the ordinances against the of
6cials. News. IS
How we'll the course OF time atrests
The truth Of pastorals or sonEets-
There are no birds in last years nests. a
There are no heads In last years bonneta
Detroit Free Press.
If two men who are mortal enemies
meet in society, they ignore each
other; If two female enemies meet,
they kiss each other. -Fiegende Blaet-
ter. IS
soak-'Do you always pay as you
go?" Freshby-"Always." Soak
"Why?" 'tFreshby-"Because they
won't let me go without. Brooklyn
Life.
Jillson says he has noticed that
some men are great deal Like rivers.
When their heads are swelled you
realize it from their mouths. Buffalo
Courier.
"What," cried the orator, fercely,
"What, I ask, causes poverty?" and
from the back of the hall hoarse
voice answered, 'Iack of cash. -.
Harlem Life. ..-s
The man whose return from dinner
you have to wait for before going to
your own, never has poor health as
the result of eating too rapidly
Atchison Globe.
81 declare, I don't know what to
do," mused DR.. Fizzick. "Here's old
Mr.. Goutley kicking about my charges,
and he's too good customer to cure"
-Philadelphia Record.
He (who prides himself on his blunt
ness)-"I say, Miss Newton, let's get
married" Miss Newton-"Oh, all
right; I'm engaged to Mr.. Goodwin.
Who'll you marry?'-vogue. ..
True Hospitality: Jones who's been
roughing it lately-to hostess)-'1
assure you, this is the first decent
meal I've had for six weeks!'' Hostess
(genially)-'I am so glad!"--Punch.
"1 have always had presentment,"
said Miss Pahsay, 'sthat should die
young" "But you didn't have to, did
you, dear?" replied Miss Ahtless,
stroking her pale-brown hair tenderly.
Chicago Tribune.
$50 you are determined on Jour
ney to the North Pole" II am"
"Going out with the next expedition"
"No; I shall go out with the party
that is to rescue the next expedition.
New York Press.
Employer--"Why were you dis
missed from your last place." Servant
because just once I got drunk"
Employer--"How long were you en-
ployed there?" Servant--'One day"
-Fliegende Blaetter.
"What on earth has come over
Fitzgoober?" muttered Pullett. "He
is developing into frst-class liar"
"Oh, nothing, except he's in training
now; fishing season nearly here. ~
New York Commercial. ..
Hicks (in the graveyard, reading a
tombstone)-"5acred to the memory
of Thomas Slendermind. Wicks-
eyes; isn't it ridiculous? Slendermind
was the most forgetful fellow that ever
lived. Boston Transcript.
Ralph-'sSuppose a fellows best
girl gets mad when he asks for kiss?
Curtis-'sTake it without asking"
Ralph-"Suppose she gets mad then"
Curtis-'T 'Then he's got some other
fellows girl. "-Brooklyn Life.
Briggs-"Did you know Spicerly
had proposed to his cook, and been re-
jected?" Griggs-"Gracious, no.
What did she reject him for?" Briggs
-ssShe said she didn't know where
they could get another one. Brook
lyn Life.
Missouri Judge-"stand up, sir.
Have you anything to say why the SEN
tence of the law should not be passed
on you?" 'I'm not the prisoner, yer
Honor, I'm a detective" Judge
(fercely)-"Is that any reason?"-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.