Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1894-08-01
Wit and Humor.

.sThis Is certainly hand to mouth
existence" remarked the dentis''-
Washington Star.
How many things there are to lausn
! A. in this world to the girl VINO . nas
pretty teeth and dimples.-Te1as o'1'r
ings.
The time that most men waste IN e4-
planning their failures would. II prop.
erly employed, put them on their 1ee'
sgain.-Puck.
Impressionist - 'Now, cand!diy,
that do you think I ought to get 1or
it" Critic-s.A hiding place. -hate
Fields Washington.
GLOW are you getting on with your
b;cvcle riding, Dick?" DICK
spend most of my time getting on.
Chicago Inter-Ocean- -,
It does not follow that person Will
become successful fisherman Just DO
cause he has o pull on the lines. -
Rochester Democrat.
It is the cynical bachelor who thinks
that most marriageable young women
have graduated from the school OF de-
sign.-Lowen Courier.
The long-winded story teller seems
to base his claims to reliability on the
fact that he is never short in his ac'
counts. s.-Washington Star.
One of the latest arrivals at jackson
Park is an orang-outang from Java,
and visitors are cautioned not to mon
key with him. Chicago Tribune.
"Why are you SO sure that Dempsey
doesn't know anything about base
baIl?" Jupiter, man! He's been an
umpire for years. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
No machine ever invented will begin
to stand the wear and tear and abuse
that the human stomach will, and still
keep working on.-Dansville IN. ~
Breeze.
"I amt much at the pianny," said
the coal yard employe es he adjusted
the weight of load of coal, 'ebut I'm
great at runnin' the scales. ."-Washing.
ton Star.
''And is the air healthy here?" asked
. visitor at mountain resort. 'E1-
cellent, sir, excellent. One can be-
come q centenarian here in o Little
while. It'd Bits.
81 tell you, there's nothing like cool.
ness in the presence of DANGER" said
Juggins. "No," replied Jaggins; that's
what keeps people from being sum
struck. ."-Washingto Star.
"You don't seem to know me-" said
the ward worker to the ''boss," as he
unrolled his petition. ''Your face is
very familiar" said the "hoss," ''but
I can't place you. ."-Philsdelphia Press.
Mary had little lamb.
She gave her head q toss
And sent 1t back because she lacked
The mint to make the sauce.
Washington Star.
'What are you reading?" said ono
clerk in a brokers' Office to another.
ga work On the theory of money"
''That's no good. What wo want is the
practice of money. Washington Star.
Cholly-"Do you ever have moments
when you feel like doing something
absurd?" Myrtylla-"Yes, indeed.
Why, when you proposed to me last I
felt for moment like accepting you"
New York Herald.
"You should see Mrs. Bunkins and
her daughter in their new dresses"
said the marksman's wife. seThey are
sights" '.Tve seen them," replied the
opticians's wife. 81 never saw such |
spectacles. ."-Washington Star.
"There is not much similarity l,o- !
tween our ways of earning livelihood"
said the dentist to tho paint manufac.
.urer. ''No," admitted the manufac-
'urer, ''thero is not. I grind colors,
while you Gull grinders. ."-Indianapolis
Journal.
Tho Coroner IN Boston is said to be !
awaiting the suicide of u poet in that !
city who wrote about clasrinS 'ihe
two tremulous hands" of his lady love,
but which the printer made to read
''the two tremendous hnnds. New
Y ork World.
Mrs. Cnrpcr-''Yes, my daughter
was crazy to got married and she nanr
ried o man who has failed in everything
he has undertaken" Mrs. Rox Whose
husband has failed for o miEion)--
''Graciousl They must be immensely
rich. New York Press.
Mannger--''Say. Doctor! T sent
my leading man around to you to-day.
He's complaining of stupor and all !
hat. What's tho matter with him?"
Doctor-"His liver refuses to act"
wish he was as sensible |
Is his Liver. ."-Enst"n Cnmrier-
Powdered charcoal, If laid thick on |
/ burn, causes the immediate abate. |
ment of pain. A superficial burn can