The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1894-01-21
THERE'S ONE THING WORSE.
The Fat Girls Misery Exceeds the
HLean Ones Grief.

Sometimes I think I would rather
be like the fat lady in the dime mu-
scum than to be as thin as a rail"
grumbled the slender girl who is very
proud of her 21-inch waist, even if she
does sputter once in a while "Since I
took it into my head said the slen-
der girl, that perhaps I'd look a good
deal better if 1 were a tri1e stouter
I've scarcely had time to sleep. 1
drink milk until my landlady makes
rather personal insinuations in regard
to the increase in her dairy bill, and
when | can nerve myself I'D to the
proper point l imbibe a glass of ale.
although L loathe the sight of it. I've
loosened my corscts and let out all
my waists, and I'll get fat or die in the
attempt-thats all there is about it.
1t has always been my most cherished
wish to wear an evening gown minus
a four-inch collar that choked me until
l looked as if I had a stiff neck I
would so like to dispense with the
gloves that | buy a yard or SO too
long. so that 1 can wrinkle them and
thereby make my arms appear plump.
So every night 1 battle my neck and
chest and arms in olive oil, and I rub
and rub and rub until fear I'll rub
holes in my skin and let the bones
come through. In the mornings I
take long breathing exercises and ex-
pand my lungs-they say that is so
beneficial, you know-and for break
fast l have oatmeal in various forms.
l know that eat a bushel of potatoes
a week l must simply exist on them.
While nothing on earth could induce
me to eat a pickle or a bit of lemon
All the grocerS in our neighborhood
begin to clear the things off the scales
the very moment I make an appear
ance, because l weigh myself every
other day When the scales indicate
a half pound gained I feel like shout
ing or treating myself to a glass of
soda. But l don't indulge in either
pleasure, because might lose the half
pound thereby. When I find myself
at standstill in the matter of weight
add on an extra glass of milk and an
extra potato each day. In month I
have gained three whole pounds. At
that rate it will take me a. whole
year before 1 tip the scales at 125
Then III rest on my laurels and apply
for situation as a living testimonial
for an anti-lean remedy
Your troubles are mere visions com
pared to the reality of mine" said fine
plump girl. cat least you get enough
to eat, while I-weil, [ diet until I feel
like taking possession of a restalir,a n
and devouring everything in sight.
even to the bullet-proof rolls and indi-
gestible pies. l chew on lemons until
my hair stands on end and my tongue
all curls up from the acid. They saw
that water makes one fat, SO I have
to steer clear of even that. Before
each meal | consult a little book that
contains list of the kind of food thai
mustn't eat and I can just tell vol,
that If l didn't make an occasional
exception I'd simply starve to death.
my arms are filled with aches and
pains that have become permanent
from constant Indian-club swinging
and walk until / have to sit down on
a friendly doorstep in order to catch
my breath. To be sure, l can glory in
low-necked and short-sleeved dresses
but make a perfect goose Of myselt
when l try to be coquettish or kitten.
ish. and you ought to see how peonIe
scowl when I crowd into a street car
Gowns are designed now to make one
look large, and I'm perfect elephant
in one of those new jackets that are
so monstrous around the hips and Sc
enormous across the shoulders.
Don't worry, my dear''-this with
a sympathetic look at the slender
maiden. There is one thing worse
than being too thin, and that is being
too stout. '-Chicago Record