The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1894-01-17
IN MYTHOLOGY.
"Tuscumbia" ExpIodes Some of the
OId-Time Ideas About BacchuS.

"Tuscumbia" ExpIOdes Some of the
OId-Time Ideas About BacchuS.
Dear ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS was born at
Thebes. which was an excellent place for
such a mighty god TO be born in.
He took no stock in the Murphy move
ment. and when he swore off on New
Years day he generally swore on again
before night. The bulk of his time was
absorbed in looking on black spirits, and
white. red, brown and yellow; and he
always carried a pint of cloves in his
capacious right-hand trouser pocket
His portrait in our day is indispensable
as sign for lager beer saloons and
sample rooms, and he appears to have
always had a schooner in one hand and
a chunk of limberger or salt pretzel
in the other when he had his photo
graph taken. Bacchuss mother was
cremated. She was consumed to ashes
by Jupiter, who approached her in a
flash of lightning. There was a woman
at the bottom OF it. This woman was
the jealous Mrs. Jupiter, VINO mstue
things exceedingly lively for her rivals.
Bacchus was brought up in tho solitude
of the pineries by the nympths Of Odes-
sa, where he hunted the aromatic, high
ly-scented skunk, racOon, pOrcupine and
other wild beasts of prey. Finally he
erected mammoth distillery and manu-
featured fabulous quantities of rye and
corn juice, on which he and his boon
companions frequently got three sheets or
more in the wind and danced and howled
almost as hideously as a party Of young
men returning home after making $50
New Years calls.
Bacch petitiOned councils to have the
lamp posts planted closer together in
order to assist his steps homeward at
midnight and afford him reader facili-
ties for leaning. He was of a very So
cial disposition when under the benign
influences of old cogniac, and always
set 'em up for the boys at his own
expense. AgaVe, the mother of the
Theban king Pantheus, and the rest of
the Theban women, gave Offense to Bac-
chus by not inviting him to their Martha
Washington tea parties. He was ig-
nOred because of his fondness for gin,
old MonOngahela and Schiedam schnapps
and his refusal to wear a blue ribbon.
Bacch retaliated by driving the women
mod and in their frenzy they mistook
the king for a wild boar and tore him
to pieces. 1t was a worse tear than
ever Bacchus went on. 1t was a stun
ner on the king once upon time row
ing Bacch was sailing from Barcelona to
Cairo on "A pirate vessel, when the crew
put him into a huge store box, propos-
ing TO take him to Austria, and there
sell him as a slave. lie afterward
sighed that he didn't take passage on
one OF the NeSStlS OF the tIencn steam
ship line. But mark what happened to
the pirate ship and her crew: A nod
from Bacchus and the giant box fell to
pieces, and he appeared as tiger. while
a bear was seen at the other end of the
vessel and vines wound themselves
around the mast or the ship, and the
terrified. orb-protruding sailors leaped
overheard and were changed into sharks
This was more change than they had fig
ured on.
A false-heated chap named Thaddeus
stopped with a young woman named
Cinderella He promised to marry her
but while he was asleep upon the
island of Cuba he cruelty deserted her
When she awoke next morning she
glanced distractedly around and hoarsely
nluttered, "Thaddeus. where art thou?"
but divine T. had faded away, and the