Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-04-16
JUST FOR FUN.

A buckwheat cake and home run
depend largely on the batter.
Time flies, and stays for no man.
The only fellow who can beat it is the
musician.
Teach er = What is right angle?
Boy-Two straight lines around cor
ner.
Teacher - What have the various
expeditions to the north pole accom-
plished? Dull boy-Made geography
lessons harder.
1t was member Of Parliament who
said, "You may depend upon it the
pale face of the British soldier is the
backbone of the Indian army.n
Life is Misery.-To many people who have
the faint of scrofula in their blood. The ago
MES caused by the dreadful running sores
and other manifestations of this disease are
beyond description. There is otner rene
dy equal to Hoods Sarsapari1la for scrofula,
salt rheum and every form of blood disease.
It is reasonably to benefit all who give it
a fair trial.
Hoods Pills cure all liver ills.
Footer-Do you know enough about
football to umpire? Cuteun i did
once, but know enough about the
game now not to do SO again.
"What's this card in your pocket,
John?' asked his wife. ''That? Oh,
before went to lunch that was a bill
Of fare. Now it's my table Of contents"
House owner-How does your fur
mace work this weather? T'enant-The
exercises Of raking it keeps me warm
enough, but the other members Of the
family complaint
Extract from a BRIDES letter OF
thanks: 'tYour beautiful clock was
received, and is now in the drawing
room on the mantelpiece, where we
hope to see you often"
Mrs. Winks-So you have taken an
other companion for better or worse,
Ell? Mrs. Second-Only for better, my
dear. He can't possibly be worse
than the other one was.
Little Boy-Who was that man who
has been talkin' to you SO long? Coun-
try Merchant-He's q drummer. Boy
What sort Of drums does he drum
on? Merchant-Ear drums.
The prudent and provident mother makes
it a rule to keep DR.. Bulbs Cough Syrup IN
the house. She has tried it before and she
well knows that when her little ones have
Group it will surely cule them.
Medical examiner-Have there been
any symptoms OF insanity in your ia
theirs family? Ap plicant Tor Insurance
-Yes-er-that is my sister once re-
fused man worth half million.
Ethel (weeping) L am so disap
pointed in him. lam sure he was tip
sy last night; he threatened TO kiss
me. MAXWELL, there's no knowing
what men won't do when they are
drunk
Dog Fancier-Yes, madam, 1 have
all kinds CT dogs here. Is there any
particular breed you wish? Old Lady
(who reads the papers, oh, anything
that's fashionable. Let me see an
ocean greyhound.
Mike Donovan, when he visited the
cemetery, noticed on tombstone the
folio wing inscription; Sacred to the
memory Of lawyer and an honest
man" "By the powers" said Mike,
''that's a strange custom 20 bury two
men N one gravel"
BUCKLEN's AENIcA SALvE.-The Best Salve
in the world for Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers,
Salt Rheum, Fever Sores, letter, Chapped
Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and all Skin Erup-
tions, and positively cures Piles, or pay re-
quired 1t is guaranteed to give perfect sat
isfaction, or money refunded. Price % cents
per box. For Sale by FL. C. Pierce.
my wife went down town to day
in all the rain TO buy something she
couldn't DO without, and she parted
with It almost as soon as she got
home" E'Wasn't that rather o strange
proceeding?" ''Not at ali: she bought
q comb.n
After instructing his men in the
points Of the compass, Lieutenant x.
says 10 one of them: stYou have in
front of you the north, on the right
the east, on your left the west. What
have you behind you?" Private E.
Cater q few moments reflection) any
knapsack, lieutenant"