The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1894-10-31
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

- An Irishman asked Scotchman
one day "Why railroad engine was
always called she p Sandy replied ::
Perhaps it's on account Of the hor-s
rible noise it makes when it tries to-
whistle"
"Ma,'' said a discouraged mr.
chin, "I amt going to school any
more. /" "Why, dear 2" tenderly in
quired his mother. "Cause. 'tain't
any use. can never learn to spell.
The teacher keeps changing the words
every day."
-" II would rather trust that medi-
cine than any doctor I know Of" says
Mrs. Hattie Mason, of Chiffon, Carter
Co., Mo. in speaking Of Chamberlain's
Collie, Cholera and Diarrhea Remedy.
For sale by Hill Bros.
= In the family circle, little Mary,
one evening when all was silent, look
ed anxiously in the face of her father,
who had ceased to pray in his family,
and said to him with quivering lips,
"Papa, is God dead p "No, my child;
why do you ask that 2" "Why, papa,
you never talk to him now as you used
to do," she replied.
"A hundred tons of cats tails
were recently sold in one lot in LON
don for the purpose Of ornamenting
ladies wearing apparel. Assuming
that an average cat tail would weigh
a couple of ounces, this would mean
that no fewer than 1892, 900 pussies
had been killed just to supply this one
deal. -
= Hicks-That wasn't bad pres
ent that Tom got from his wife faith
er as wedding gift--s2, 400, s1oO for
each one Of the bride o years. Wicks-
I should say not; neither did Tom
have anything to say against it, i
guess. "No-oh, no; only hecouldn't
help saying, half aloud, what a foolI
didn't take Maria She's thirty II
she's day
RUDY's PILE SUpposIToRY, is guar
anteed to cure Piles and Constipation,
or money refunded. 50cents per box.
Send stamp for circular and Free SAM
pie to MARTIN RUDY, Lancaster, Pa.
For sale by White & Wilhite,. drug
gists, Anderson, S. C.
:" "sairy Ann" he said, with q IS
touch of asperity in his voice, What
is it?" asked the president Of the j
Bingville Association of Emancipated
Women. "Any woman that can tsew
on suspender button any bettern
you did this one couldn't discharge
the duties Of sheriff nohow. An I'm
burned ef III vote fur ye."
-"I say, Robert, what is it that is
dearer than life, and freer than air;
the rich man wants it, the poor man
has it, the miser spends it, the spend
thrift saves it ?' "Give it up. What
is it ?" "It's nothing. Nothing is
dearer than life, nothing is freer than
air. The rich man wants nothing,
the poor man has nothing, and the
spend-thrift saves nothing" s
-."I hate to see a woman with
rings in her ears - exclaimed the
good deacon "they amt natural
If it was intended for women to wear
them she would have been born with
holes in her ears. The first woman
didn't wear rings, I'll be bound:
"No," remarked a quiet little man in
the corner, NOR anything else
The discussion was adjourned without
delay.
Every mother should know that
Group can be prevented. The first
symptom of true Group is hoarseness.
This is followed by peculiar rough
cough. If Chamberlain's Cough Rem
edy is given freely as soon as the
child becomes hoarse or even after the
cough has developed it will prevent
the attack. 25 and 30 cent bottles for
sale by Hill Bros.
"I should like to be excused,
your honor" says man who had been
summoned on a jury. "What for p
"I owe a man $40 and wish to hunt
him up and pay it. ''Do you mean
to tell the court that you would hunt
up man to pay bill instead of Wat
ing for him to hunt you up ?" "Yes,
your honor" ''You are excused. l
dom t want any man on the jury who
will lie like that.
Samuel was before the bar of
justice for having purloined divers
and sundry pullets from the coop OF a.
prominent citizen. Didn't you know
it was wrong to steal those chickens?D
asked the judge. "Yessuh, yo' hon.
OF. "Then why did you do it r
"It's disher way, yo' honor" replied
Sam, striking the attitude Of mar
tyr, "I jis' done hit to take away
tenn tation FUN de paf OBJ my neigh
bors, yo' honor"
= A day or two since Albert Mil
ler of Pittsburg, was sentenced to two
months Imprisonment for kissing his
sweetheart. on the public street.
Served him right. A man who would
do thing of that kind in public ought
to get a whole year. He should have
waited until be got home. It's thou
sand times better in a dark room, or
hallway than in the blazing light OF the
sun.
Georgia has turned out 49,
pound pumpkin. 1t grew upon vine
that covered one and one.fourth acres
and had 113 pumpkins that weighed
7,435 pounds. The biggest one vas
d feet long. Mr.. John A. Tomber-
lin. of Irwin County, grew i6 in 1893.
At least the Atlanta Constitution says
so. South Carolina grows some large
pumpkins itself and can probably beat
Georgia. But it cannot beat the Con-
stitution's story.
The printer is generally rated a
pretty bad sort Of fellow, but his con-
duct generally consists of vice and
not crime. The following shows that
before the law he has not proven so
bad as some people. Of three thous-
and. eight hundred and ninety con-
victs in the State Of Texas, there is
not printer or newspaper man. There
DOCTORS bankers har.