davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
HUMOROUS.

-Stranger-''Can you direct me TO
the Old Colony depot?' Denizen-
You'll have to ask somebody else, sir.
I'm not an Old Colony Director Bos-
ton Transcript.
johnny Plenty-"Say, Jimmy, does
pie hurt anybody? My aunt says it
does Jimmy Scant-"Couldn't tell
yer, Johnny. I never had no chance
ter Observation-Disclosures Courier.
-'Oh. | say. ~.Smithers, why are gas
meters like the Arabs?" Don't know,
Jonesy. Because every mans hand is
against them?' mo. Because they
evidently steal away."-N.Y y. Recorder.
Mrs. Wedde--''So you are To be
married?" Miss Unwedde-"Yes, and
| want you To tell me which is the
luckiest month. to be married in" Mrs.
Wedde-"The thirteenth. my dear
Godey's Magazine,
You don't look like ye'd had very
good luck at dat house." said Flooding
Pete. IL got q cake" replied Meander-
ing Mike. Den what yer lookin' so
sour about?" Twas er cake o soap
Washington Star.
Poor Pay-"Tm in a lot of trouble.
The landlady says I'll have to settle up
or leave" Dead Brolxe-''Why. you're
in great luck. old man. My landlady
says | must settle up before | ear
leave."-N. Y. Herald.
And SO, Peter, you spell women
with an 'a?'" said the teacher, correct.
ing an exercise. please, sir" was the
reply, my papa told mamma only yes
terday that women were singular
bcings."-Music and Drama.
The Condition of Affuirs.-Clara-
''Iiow did Charlie look last night wher
your father met linn in the halle" llar
riet-"lIe didn't look ut all. lie jus
shut his eyes and waited for tn,
shock."-Detroit Free Press.
You've moved into that new fla
on the corner?' Yes" lis it hcate,
by furnace" NO" steam heat
eh?" mo" Heavens. man, VIVA
have you?" "A j%anitor that stands il
with the landlord. "-lnter-Ocenn
why did you shoot this manp
'In self-defense," answered the police
man. why. he was running ava.
from your 81 know it looked ST.. l;u
| vas afraid he was going around TIL
block to attack me from behind
Washington Star,
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

A man, who looked suspicious, APP
piled at n clearinghouse OF Adams
avenue for a home and was received by
the landlady.
II presume" she said. after inspect
ing HIM critically and hearing what he
had to say, that You can give refer
ences."
what kind do you wish, madame"
he inquired.
Well" she hesitatod, II don't know
who you are and | would like some
thing in the nature of a recommended
ton"
"All l can offer, madam" he said,
pulling ont some papers, ARE here;t they
are receipted bill from every landlady
] eyer boarded with, up to date, as you
will observe"
Her fac frightened.
"Oh," she exclaimed, that will do,
You can have anything in the house
you want."-Detroit Free Press.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

1t is told of Hannah More that she
had a good way of managing tale-bear-
ers. 1t said that whenever she was
told anything derogatory to another
her invariable reply was: Come, we
will &c and ask If this be true" The
effect sometimes was l~udicrously pain
full. The tale-bearer was taken aback,
stammered out a qualification, or
begged that no notice might be taken
of the statement. But the good lady
was in~exorable; off she took the seam
dal-monger to the s~candalized to make
inquiry and compare accounts. 1t is
not likely that anybody ever a second
time ventured torepeat a gossipy story
to Hannah More. One would think
her method of treatment would be a
sure cure for scandal. -Harper's Bazaar,
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
ocers and Tumors

.L+
Ar1 nal diseases. Every drop OF
bl01 is charged with cancerous
ard hor III you nave either. Can.
GERS 1nyer have been and never
can be k1g them out. No cancers
or tumOI EN- or ever can be cured
by drawing with plasters. poultices.
snlves, oils 31fCparation put up or made
for that purpd46. The cancerous or humorous
matter must be taken from every drop of
blood In the body before a cure can be effect
ed; otherwise the poisonous matter remains
in the blood and a cure Is impossible. The
cause Is not removed and the cancer or tumoI
Is liable to return at any time.
There Is only one medicine TO be had
remember only one--that will take the can
cerous and humorous matter out OF the blood,
etfe ting a perfect and permanent cure. rho
Red Cross Constitutional Medicine Is the only
positive cure that Is known for cancer or
mmor In this, the proper and only way thai
they can be cured. You don't have to pay out
a handful OF money, either; there Is n cure
| within the reach OF all, We will furnish tn,
medicine to you ut a moderate price and
charge you nothing for consultation advice oi
professional services. BY using the medicine
one week you must be convinced OF a cure In
any case. There is no necessity of suffering
any longer with cancers, tumOrs, ~cartuncles
scrofuia, boils. pimple.i. ulcers or running
sores. They are all the outgrowth of diseased
| poisoned blood. The medicine can be had nj
the Office only.
Call or address Red Cross Constitutions
Medicine Co., 9i6 and DIS Main street, Kansas
| City, Mo 5-f-93-yl
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
A Strained Ankle.

This is q common occurrence and one
that will lay people up ordinarily 6to
weeks, yet we will guarantee Baiiard's
Snow Eminent to cure any case OF sprain-
ed ankle In 1 to 3 days if applied at once,
and to Immediately relieve all pain. Snow
Liniment will cure any old sore on man
or beast, 1t will heal all Wounds and
cures Sprains. Burns, Scalds, Bruises, Sore
Throat, Sore Chest, Lame Back, Corns,
B%unions. For Rheumatism, Lumbago,
Neuralgia, Contracted Muscles it has no
equal. Do not allow any other white Lin
Iments to be put off on you for Snow Lin
iment. There is no other like it. Ask
for Billiards. Snow Liriment. Sold by j.
q. Crepshaw & Co. NO. 1
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
Same P9nliSh ppnnlp

Allow Il cough to run until II gets beyond
reach of medicine. "hcy Often saN. 'Dh, IL
will wcnr away" hut in most eases /; wears
them away Could they he induced e. Try the
successful medicine chilled kCEp's iiHisaa,
which j. sold On "a positive guarantee Ia cure,
they would Immediately see the excellent 81
feet aiICr taking the EIst does. Price Bite Aud
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
~Guaranteed Cure.

We authorize our advertising druggist
20 sell DR.. Kings New Discovery for Con-
sumption, coughs and colds, upon this
condition. II you are afflicted with a
cough, cold, or any lung, throat or chest
trouble, and will use the remedy as direct
ed. giving it a air trial, and experience
no benefit, you may return the bottle and
have your money refunded. We could
not make this offer did We not know that
DIR. Kings New Discovery could be relied
en-. IT never d%isappoints. Trial bottles
free at ID. w. b. Tevis' drug store. Large
size SOC. and IL. No.E
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
Cure for Headach.

As a remedy for ali forms Of Headache
Electric Bitters has proved Ito be the very
best. 1t effects n permanent cure the
must dreaded habitual sick headaches
yield to its influence. We urge all who
are afflicted to procure "a bottle, and give
this remedy a fair trial. In cases OF habit
ual constipation Electric Bitters cures by
giving the needed tom to the bowels, and
lew cases long resist the use of this medi-
cine. Try it at once. Large bottles only
fifty cents at Tevis's drug store.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

o. l.. Munger, the editor of the Van
Buren, Local, is having an early and
promising boom for legislative honors.
His own determination in the matter
does not appear to have been publicly
.nnounce as vet.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

A debating society in Nodaway county
has decided that a man ought not TO
marry until he has $500. In that part of
Missouri it is believed that no man has q
right to think of "A wife until he has n
span of mules and a Sunday suit If clothes.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

As well rs the handsomtst, and others are In
vitcd to call on any Ill ugSist aud get freea trial
bottle of kemp's Baisnn for the Throat and
Lungs, II remedy that Is selling entirely upon
its merits and Is guaranteed to relieve and cure
all Chronicand Acute Coughs, Asthma, Bron-
chltis and Consumption. Lnrgcbottics 90 cents
and 81. III
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

Maude-We had private theatricals
last evening. They went off first rate
only the folks would laugh in the
wrong place.
Uncle Henry-There is no snch thing,
Maude. as laughing in the wrong place
in private Observation-Disclosures Tran
script,
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

States, Canada, and Mexico.
The volumes Of the Weekly begin with tho
first number FOR January Of each year. When
no time Is mentioned, subscriptions win begin
with the number current ut the time of receipt
of order.
Bound volumes of narpcr's Weekly for three
years back, Ia neat cloth binding, will he sent
by mail, postage paid, or by express. free of
expense provided the freight does not exceed
one dollar per ,olumeL Tor 5; per volume.
Cloth eases for each Nulumc, suitable for
binding, viii bc sent hy mali, post paid. gu re-
ccipt of ~ each.
kcmittanccs should be made 10y post Office
money order or draft, 10 avoid nance of loss.
Newspapers are not To- copy this advertise
ment without the express order Of Harper &
Bruthers. Address;
HARPER Il BROTHERS, New York.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

Supper is becoming n back number at
Nevada The people are putting on SO
"iugs" there now that any evening
meal with IA greater variety than meat
and fried potatoes 10 called dinner.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

Alvin Tinsley, a Pike county widower
of 70, who has just married for ths third
time, has had the luck OF striking three
wives who were born in the same year
and on the same day OF the month.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
HARPER's fEHs0Dl

The volumes of. the Magazine begin with the
numbers for unea and December Of each year.
When no time Is mentioned. subscription will
begin with the number current NJ the tlmc of
receipt of order. Bound volumes Of uarper's
Magazine for three years back. In neat cloth
binding. will be sent by mail, postpaid, ON re-
ccipt OF 81 per volume. Cloth cascs, for bind
ing, 80 cents cach-by mail. post paid.
Remittanccs should be made post Office
money order or draft, to avoid chance OF loss
Newspapers are not To copy this advertise
ment without the express order Of Haper's
& Broilers. Address;
HARPER & BROTHERS. New York
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
HARPER's

Pcstape Tree % MI suhscrlbers in the United
States, Canada, aud Mexico.
The volumes Of the Bazar begin with the
first number for January ct each year. when
nu time Is mentioned, subscriptions Will begin
with the NUM- er -uricut ut this time Of receipt
Of order.
Bound vol me OF Harpef's nizaf for three
10y mail, postage paid, or by express. free OF
expense provided the freight does MOI exceed
one dollar per volumcl. for - per volume.
Cloth cases for each volnme, suitable for
binding, will he sent by mail, postpaid, ON re-
ccipt Of 81 each.
l~tcmittanccs, SHOULD be made by post Office
money order or draft. to avoid chance of loss.
Newspapers are not tn copy this advertise
ment without the cypress order OF Harper a
Brothers. Address:
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

Hon. E. II. Mckee, of Memphis, is out
in a card declining to become a candidate
for the state senate. He would have
made an able senator, and his decision is
repretted.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
Now Crenshaw Il Young.

DR.. +. r. Newberry, OF Madison county,
has, it is said, decided not to become a
candidate fo- congress-, but will try for
reelection To the state senate.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

Act on n new principle regulating the
liver, stomach and bowels through the
nerves. a rev discovery. DIR. Miles
Pills speedily cure bi~lliousness, bad taste,
torpid liver, piles and constipation, Une-
qualled for men, women and children.
Smallest, mildest, surest. 81 doses p
cents. Samples free at Leroy Farmers
drug store. libby
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
OFFICE in HERLE BUILDING

FLEE SCHOLARSHIPS. e% lSs9sts
seuessl.ic, w~lGe-nwakc young men and women
IN each county of Missouri. Guaranteed salaries
S.n. sCDcni S.b pc -nonth, orliboral commissions
IL prcsCrrIl. WORK light, honorable and yeryre.
muncratiye. Anybody can do II. Also, FREE.
SCHOLARSHIPS and expenses paid In lead.
ing Colleges, Commercial, Law and Medical
Schools 10 good workers. satisfactory references
given. No hnmhug. Write for particulars,
U.S. SMITH, $40 olive Street, ST Louis, mo-
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
1894.
Ii arper's Bazaar.
ILLUSTRATED.

Harper's Bazar Is n Journal for the home. IL
gives the fulles: and latest information about
Fashions; and its numerous illusfrations,P Paris
designs, and pattern sheet supplements are
Indispensable alike To the home dress maker
and the professional modesto. No expense il
spared To make its artistic attractiveness OF
the highest order. Its bright stories, amusing
comedies, ard thoughtful essays satisfy all
tastes. and its last page l. famous as "A budget
Of wit and humor. In its weekly issues every
thing is included which Is of interest to
woman. The serials for ls9t will be written
by william Black and Walter Besant. Short
stories will he written by Mary Il. wilkins,
Maria Louise Pool, Ruth McEnery Stuart,
Marion Harland. and others. Outdoor Sports
and Indoor Games, Social Entertainment
Embroidery, and other interesting topics will
receive constant attention. A new series Is
promised OF Coffee and Repartee.'
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
1894.
Harper's Magazine.
ILLUSTRATED.

Harper's Magazine for 1894 will maintain the
character that las made IL the favorite Illus
trated periodical for the home. Among the
results of enterprises undertaken by the pub
fishers. there will appear during the year
superbly illustrated papers on India by Edwin
Lord Weeks. on the Japanese Seasons by Al
fred Parsons. on Germany by Poultncy Blge-
low. on Paris by Richard Harding Davis. and
on Mexico 10y Frederic Remington.
Among the other notable features Of the
year will be novels by George du Maurier and
charles Dudley Warner. the personal rcmiuis-
cenccs OF W. ID. Howells. ana eight short sto-
ries OF western frontier life by Owen wister.
Short stories will also he contributed nv Bran
der Matthews, Richard Harding Daxia NngH
Z. wilkins, Ruth
renee Alma Tadema.
ney de Benurepairc, n
others. Articles ON 4
will be contributed.
lists. <.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
Miles Nerve and Liver Pills

The Mexico Ledger is sure that m ice
plant would pay in this town. Bob White
has a mighty poor opinion of warm beer.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27
The HAmnlifSi Man In L.nnnulAl

A settlement Of sensible farmers in Pike
county are improving the mild winter in
building gravel roads
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

SPECIAL OFFER. The bern nn for
lSg9, aud a subscription for 1901, $3.50
The same. with pack numbers. bound
IA cloth. 600
Subscriptions taken by the IsrrLLioEScsR
ut publishers prices.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1894-01-27

Postage frcc 10 all snhscribcrs IN the United
States, Canada. and Mexico.
Connecticut western news., 1894-11-22
THANKSGIVING.

Thanksgiving Day will come and go before our subscribers in distant places will receive their next copy of the NEWS, hence we take this opportunity to express to each and all subscriber our sincere wish that they may proper ly observe and greatly enjoy the ap preaching Thanksgiving Day.
 The president of the United States, and the governors of most of the states, annually issue proclamations in regard to Thanksgiving Day; but this good old New England festival with its family reunions would be ob, erv- ed even If such proclamations were not issued. Not until man, after reviewing his circumstances each year. fails to find something to be thankful for will Thanksgiving Day fail to be observed. especially in New England. But the proper observance of the day is of the utmost importance. Its primitive and religious character with it's paramount features of worship, thanksgiving and praise should be maintained. It should not be allowed to degenerate into day set apart for athletic games and all man ner of sport and revelry.
Connecticut western news., 1894-11-22
THE TRAMP'S LETTER.
Editor of Ne,os 1:

Editor of Ne,os
 The last time I was in Canaan I noticed the posters referring to tramps, so skinned out and went to New Marl- boro. Now the first item can give you is that I found . woman with seven Creoles, aged from l5 to II years, all of them use tobacco, chew. smoke, go to school when they chews and run the road the rest of the time.
 I spent pleasant hour with the bride and groom, MT and Mrs Michael Cagney, and they showed me their ved- ding presents. They were elegant as we'll as useful. They consisted of tea set, dinner set. chamber set, a very nice clock with other things too numerous to mt ntion.
 found John Garrahan on the sick list, but improving.
 MT Alphas Leffingwell has left his farm on Brewer Hill and bought place in Mill River. His son law, a MT :Barnum, is on the farm.
 Mir Dwight Sisson will spend the winter in Boston as representative.
 THE TRAMP.
Connecticut western news., 1894-11-22
A Memorable Occasion.

The Congregational Church at Sails bury will observe it's l50th, snniversar, tomorrow (Nov. 23.) Many invitations to Churches and individuals have been issued. The exercises will be very in- teresting. ahd we'll worth attending. A preliminary meeting will be held at Il a. m. a Dinner will be served in the Town Hall about o'clock,to accommo- date those who come on the cars from the east. Those who prefer to come with teams will also be given a dinner and have their horses cared for. The principal exercises in the church com. mence at 2 p. m.
 Just before the NEWS goes to press, the Rev John O. Goddard sends us n postal which reads as follows:
 Please announce our l50th anniver- sary on Friday, extending a general in- vitation to the community around us. Rev A. G. Hubbard, of Goshen, will speak on "Then and Now" Malcolm Day Rudd on "The History of our Meeting House." Deacon Merwin will read the ancient covenant of the church. T. l.. Norton will speak on "Our Church in War Time" The pastor will deliver an historical discourse. A col lection of relics and portraits will be shown, and dinner served in the town hall.
Connecticut western news., 1894-11-22
POINTERS.

Read the Articles of Association of the North Canaan Bridge Company.
 John O. Benton's prices for shoes leave you no excuse for going barefoot. See new adv.
 Moses and Aaron never saw the 'Hartford Shoe," but you can see it and other desirable goods at G. l.. Par sons Sons. For particulars, read adv
 Mir and Mrs Fry will be here again the last three days of this week. This is another chance for people having trouble with their eyes to be relieved without the trouble and expense of trip to the city.
Connecticut western news., 1894-11-22
A CORRECTION.

The NEWS of Nov. 15 was in error in stating that "Mr Daniel l.. Peirce was North Canaan's first Republican representative in 1858 or 59 and its sec ond Republican representative is Ex- Judge Roraback, elected last week"
 The NEWS did not Intentionally mis- inform it's readers, furthermore we do not think anyone Intentionally misin- formed.the NEWS. The item was pub lished in accordance with information furnished from various sources never theless we have since discovered that said information was not correct. h. terestei parties claim. and the records show, that Mir Levi W. Beckley was North Canaan's first representative. He was elected in 1859 (he was, and still is, a Republican, In 1860 the late l, William Douglas, Democrat. was elected representative. In 1861 Mr Daniel l.. Peirce (then Republican, was elected representative. In 1862 the late Alderman Ives, Republican. was elected representative. In 1863 Mr Frederick Bronson, Dem ocrat, was elected representative; and since that date North Canaan has continued to elect Democratic representatives until the 9th of the present month when Ex Judge Roraback was elected represen- tative. Need we add that Roraback is Republican, and that no recount of bal lots has been demanded?'
 While it is not true that "Mr Daniel l.. Peirce was North Canaan's first Re publican representative. it is true that he was the Republican representative in 1861 and the Democratic representa- tive in 1890,
Connecticut western news., 1894-11-22
LIME ROCK.

Mrs H. Burgess is on the sick list thi week.
 The young unmarried people of the village are getting up farce to be giv en in few weeks.
 The Rev MT Beeman, of Litchfield, will officiate at Trinity church on Sun day.
 Fred Walton is confined to the house, on account of sore thro at, e'c. {, Benj, Hoffman, of New York, was in town at Mir Johnson's few days this week.
 Miss Ellen Ensign is visiting friends in Springfield.
 Andrus Bros. have given up the meat market. It will be open under new proprietor soon.
 Dancing at social club to morrow (Fridsy) evening. =..
Connecticut western news., 1894-11-22
The Time to Eat Apples.

Our colonial ancestors used to wind up the winters evening with the eating of an apple before the open fire. some times roasting the fruit in the ashes. Then came in prejudice against fruit as an evening repast, and the proverb 'fruit is gold in the morning, silver at noon and lead at night" was quoted to him who dared an apple or an orange at bed time.
 But opinion is now veering around to the ways of the forefathers in this as in some other matters, and we have an able physician advising the eating of a raw apple before going to bed. on the ground that the apple is excellent brain food, containing more phosphoric acid in digestible shape than any other known vegetable. It is also said to be one of the best preventives to diseases of the throat. Let us all rejoice that apples arc plenty Hartford Tri- bune.
Connecticut western news., 1894-11-22
CORN WALL.

Henry Trimmer has conveyed the property in East street which he pur- chased of Wm. Vaill to David Beers of Danbury.
 An effort is being made to build ap addition to the chapel. A subscription for that purpose was taken up last Sun day and about $20O. % were raised.
 The H V. l. football team were ex pected to play the return game with the D. M. Hunt school last Saturday. They waited all the afternoon but as the D. NJ. Hunt team did not arrive till dark were unable to play much of game The score while they did play was 8 to o in favor of the Fl. " ps.
 Three of our farmers have been sud denly made rich by the sale of their to- bacco. It brought almost as much as the boxes were worth.