The Washington times., 1894-08-26
THREE GOOD STORIES.

Frumpy an mes chums, newspaper boys,
but we allus runned to see who could board
the trolley fust; and one day last week we
both hitched on to onct an Trumpy he slipped
an the trolley started
Then there was a yellin' an women
screamin' an the cop he picked up Frumpy,
an ambulance came tearin along, an they
put him in that, an took him to the hospital.
1 wiped my eyes with the sleeve o. my
jacket an was maxim for doorstep to git
over my feelin's when 1 see white bundle O.
papis lyin' on the track an 1 picked 'em up
an counted em. They wus just seventeen
an / knowed Frumpy counted on sellin'
them papis SOS to take home enough to his
old mother for their suppers. So when got
thro' blubberin' 1 started agin for them
blamed ears an KEEP hollerin' them papis
my level best. but nary a one was tux, an L
he'd onuy sold seventeen o. my own bundle
afore Frumpy got smashed. So thought Ia
give up an go to the hospitil an see II
Frumpy wus dead or wuss mebbe, SOS to tell
his mother what I'D happened to i'm, an l
made wisp of his papis as went along an
dropped 'em down an airey-way.
They let me in at the hospital when they
knowed L was Frumpy's chum. The Doc an
nuss was stanin by his cot. us he gonerf"
sez | in Il skeer'd whisper.
"They's no bones broke" sez the Doc,
IAN he'd be all right ef he could git thin
papls Off his mind. You speak to MIN an
see ei he knows ye." seZ he TO me.
''Frumpy," sez l, an my voice sounded
awful queer. His face was so terrible white
an he never let on he heerd me.
''Frumpy" seZ | agin, Its me, yer chum
be come to bring ye the spondulicks for
them papis, and l shuffied out o my pockets
them II cents and began counting them till
had EN- all in one hand.
'Sivinteen," sez L. pourin' EN- into his
hand layin' alongside the edge Of the bed.
| shut up his fist an he held EN- tight an
opened his eyes on the Doe an the nuss an
fixed EN- on me kind O lovin' like.
''Ye lie - sez he.
So 1 stared him back real hard an cheeky
"Honest Injun," sez l, II sold livery burned
one of en-"
The Doe guv me kind pat on the head.
$50 along now, ycungster; Frumpy'li be all
right in the mornin'." NJ. c. MCNEIL.
Strangers visiting the beautiful city of Bur-
lington have not failed to notice that one OF
the handsomest Young men they meet is very
bald and they fail into the usual error of at
tributing this premature badness to dissipa-
patton. But this is not the case. This young
man. one OF the most exemplary Bible-cl@ss
scholars in the city, went TO a Baptist sociable
out in West Hill one night about two years
ago. He escorted three charming girls with
angelic countenances and human appetites
out TO the refreshment table, let them eat all
they wanted, and then found he had left his
pocketbook at home and deaf man that he
had never seen before at the cashiers desk
The young man with his face afiame bent
down and said softly:
Il am ashamed to say that 1 have no change
with"
Hey shouted the cashier.
Il regret TO say, :" the young man repeated
in litter louder key. that have unfortunately
come away without any change"
Change two?' chirped the old man. ooh,
yes. l can change five Ii you want it.
No the young man explained in terri
BILE penetrating whisper, for half dozen
people were crowding up behind him, impa-
tient to pay their bills and get away, II
don't want any change, because"
"Oh. don't want no changer" the deaf man
cried, gleetully. " "'Bleeged to ye, 'bleeged
to ye. Taint often We get such donations.
Pass over your bill.
NO, no" the young man explained, 81
have no funds"
''Oh, yes, plenty Of fun, the deaf man re-
piled, growing tired of the conversation, and
noticing the long line of people waiting with
money in their hands; but l haven't got
time TO talk now. Settle and move on"
But, the young man gasped out, Il have
no money
go, Mouday?'' queried the deaf cashier.
81 don't care when you go; you must pay,
and let these people come uD."
II have no money! the mortified young
man shouted, ready to sink into the EARTH
while the people all around him, ard espe-
cially the three girls he had treated, were
giggling and chuckling audibly.
Owe money! the cashier said; ''Of course
you do two dollars and seventy-five cents. "
/ s.T 30 %ha, Cd h,-
turning his pockets inside out, and yelling his
poverty to the heavens, he finally made the
deaf man understand. And then he had to
| shrek his name full three times, while his
| ears fairly rung with the half-stified laughter
| that was breaking out all around him; and
| he had to scream out where he worked, and
roar when he would pay, and he couldn't get
! the deaf man to understand him until some
! of the church members came up to see what
! the uproar was and, recognizing their young
| friend made it all right with the cashier.
And the young man went out into the night
and dubbed himself, and shred his locks
until he was as bald as an egg.
ROBERT J. BURDErT.
The man who insists upon conversation
whether YOU will or no was on the train with
me between Detroit and Chicago. This time,
| as is often the case, he was one of those dear
fellows, the commercial travellers. 1 was
reading when he took seat opposite and be-
| gan to talk. ''Traveling?"
Yes
"What line?"
| paper"
''Wall!'
| gave up. AS an example Of the laconic in
| conversation it reminded me of story told
me once by Max O'Rell. 1t was of a Scots
man stopping before shop door in a Scotch
village He took bit of cloth in his hand.
COOP" he asked.
AYE, 'oo', said The shopkeeper.
"a 'oo?"
"Aye. a 'oo'."
"a ae oo'?'
"Aye, a ae 'oo'."
Which, being interpreted, would be re-
corded in ordinary English. "Wool?"
! Yes, wool"
"All wool?'
"Yes, all WOOL
"All the same quality of wool?s
"Yes, all the same wool"
Moses P. HANDY.
| a R-
Household Novelties in France.
| Miss Parloa has found at food exhibition
in Paris new invention of which she highly
| approves, and that is soup ladle that takes
up bouillon or other soups without particle
| of grease The little thing costs only %