Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-01-29
JUST FOR FUN.

Woman is CT arming crea AZURE, who
changes her heart as easily as her
gloves.
Teacher-Johnny, can you tell me
what's the definition of joy? johnny
Yes'm. It's recess.
Old Gentleman-So you'd like to be-
come my son in law? Mr.. Harduppe-
Yes, sir, if you can afford it.
Fair maiden Cat the football game,
during an exciting melee)-Oh, look
there-can't Jack hug that beautiful
ly!
Teacher-Do you understand the
phrase rapid enunciation? Boy-Yes
ma'am. It's the way folks say their
prayers on cold nights.
"Where are those oysters I ordered
on the half shell?o Waiter-sDon't
get impatient, sab; we're dreff1e shot
on shells, but yo're next"
He-Do you think could get pass
on your fathers road? She-No, they
don't pass anything but dividens on
his road. I've heard him say SO.
Hicks-Cold in death. Do you think
that good expression? Wicks-It de-
ponds good deal upon the kind of
life which has been led by the deceas-
ed.
'Do you enjoy holidays?" said John
ny's uncle. Yes, sir. What do you
stay home from school without bein'
sick.''
Deans Rheumatic Pills absolutely cure
rheumatism & Neuralgia. Entirely vegeta-
BILE. Safe.
New Yorker y You don't see any
grass in your streets, anyway. She
(from PHILADELPHIA y No. Must be
the climate. The soil is certainly rich
enough.
She (from the Hub = Cremation
has become quite fad in Boston. He
That is very interesting. What de-
gree of heat is required to thaw out
BostOnian?
Tommy is rent and tear
all the same? Mr.. Figg-Well, not ex-
actly. I have known many a man
who could not raise his rent because
he had been on tear.
Don't you, said the pious landlady
to the boarder, believe that all flesh is
grass? No, hesitated the boarder as he
took another hold on his knife. I
think some of it is leather.
When her mother read from the let
ter that Uncle John, who lives in Eng
land, had lost f3OO, little Alice, who
had never seen her distant relative,
exclaimed: Why, what a fat man un
Gle must have been.
Coughing Leads to Consumption.
Kemp's Balsam will stop the cough at once
A Boston boy was telling his father
one day Of schoolmate's attempt to
sing. And time, said the ten-year-
old, in deep disgust; why, he didn't
keep any better time than COW when
a dogs running after her!
"Good morning, Janet. am sorry
to hear you did not like my preach ing
oh OuhucAy. w hoO WoO CIIC IOdoOH!
81 had three vera guild reasons, sir
Firstly, We read ye're sermon; second,
We didna read it we'll; am, thirdly, it
wasna' worth readin' at al"
I have seed some pretty ignorant
people among the summer boarders
my wife takes every year, said old Mr..
Jason, but they amt never none of
them come up to the young woman
tibet wanted to know if apple butter
wuz made from feeding apples to the
cows
Can't be beaten Mr.. J. G. Wittig, Blue |
Mound, ILL.,, writes: 81 have used Salvation
Oil with wonderful success for inf1ammatory !
rh journalism in my foot. 1t cannot be beat"
Little Clara was out with her moth
er, taking dinner at neighbours
house, and the hostess, in an attempt |
to be entertaining, asked her if she
liked kittens. The little miss shock
ed those gathered at the table by look
ing suspiciously at the chicken, pot
pie, and replying, 81 dess not,-dess
I'd rather have cake.''
NhiIdran Grv fns