Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-12-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

AAcIo Is boiueJuluS CFOOkeu dDOuG
n man who carries corkscrew. .--Bos-
ton Courier.
A good many men believe in adver-
tising, but seem to think it should be
free. ALBANY Argus.
Nomalice can exist without thought;
so how can there be such thing as
malice before thought?-Texas Sift-
ings.
1t is pathetic fact that the hand
that rocks the cradle can't throw
rock and hit anything in sight
Somerville Journal.
Minneapolis women who are going
to vote should remember that they
cannot use hat pin to scratch ballot
with. Minneapolis Journal.
American Heiress-'Would you
ever marry for money, Baron?"
Baron-sI don't know-how much
have ?'-New York Ledger.
He had no overcoat to wear.
Though chilly days had come,
But he'd shaved and saved almost enough
For one chrysanthemum.
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Tailor-tI hear that you have paid
my rival, while you owe me for two
suits" Student-"Who dares to ac-
cuse me of such preposterous thing?"
--Fliegende Blaetter.
Chawler-"Did yer go inter see de
snake charmer?" Hengoutt-"Yes,
an it's question in me mind wedder
she charms de snakes or paralyzes
dem. Boston Courier.
Minister "Good evening, sonnyl
Is Brother Hapenny at homer"
Brother Hapenny's Son" Course !
Don't ye see us all outside tn house"
Cleveland Plaindealer.
Maude-"I hope you are not going
to marry that Mr.. Korter" !" Kate =
'.Really, / don't think it would make
any difference to you, dear, II /
didn't" Boston Transcript.
Helen-''Funny you didn't notice
that Tom had been drinking. He
talked to you quite awhile" Maude-
eyes, but then he talked to me under
his breath. Boston Transcript.
'I wonder you women never learn
how to get off a street car" "Umh?
If we got off the right way it wouldn't
be long before they'd quit stopping
the cars for us. Boston Courier.
Johnnie with history book)-
'Papa, what was the Appian Way?"
Papa-sI suppose it was way Ap.
plan had, though l don't know much
about him personally. Detroit Free
Press.
.sHave you ever loved another,
Tom?" said Miss Gush to her intend.
ed. Certainly" replied he. 'Do
YOU wish written testimonials from
my previous sweathearts? ?'-Harpers
Bazaar.
She-s'But how can you think I'm
pretty when my nose turns up SOP
He-''Well, oil have to say is that it
shows mighty poor taste in backing
away from such lovely mouth. -
Standard.
Exceptional Case-sI told my friend
Emma, under promise of the strictest
secrecy, that I am engaged to the
lieutenant, and the spiteful thing ac-
tually kept the secret. y Fliegende
Blaetter.
ssNo," said the busy merchant; II
don't care for no dictionaries to-day"
ssThank you," returned the fair
book agent from Boston; chow many
shall put you down for?--Smith 4
Gray's Monthly.
Mr.. Scrimp-"My dear, don't see
how you had this counterfeit bill
passed on you'll" Mrs. Scrimp-
swell, you don't let me see enough
real money to enable me to tell the
difference. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Mrs. Benedict" "Now, what would
you do, Mr.. De Batch, if you had a
baby that cried for the moon?" De
Batch (grimly)-''I'd do the next best
thing for him, madam; I'd mako him
see stars. Kate Fields Washington.
ssThere is something about you that
like exceedingly, said Mr.. Callow-
hill to Miss Ricketts,. "That's your
own inordinate egotism, replied the
girl. "My egotism?" eyes, sir, for
nothing is about mo quite as much as
you" Harper's Bazaar.
Tibbie-"H How did you manage to
get Manger to vote for our side:
Did you convince him that on the
great political issues Of the day hi:
party is wrong and ours is right?'
Dibbie- "Well, it amounted to that.
I just praised his dog. Boston Tran
script.
The shopper-s.I'd like to buy that
lovely lamp shade, but can't afford
to pay ten dollars for it. The Sales.
man-"Well, madam, I'll make the
price nine dollars and ninety-nine
cents." The Shopper "Oh, how
good of you'll I'll take ;t.--Chicago
Record.
81 think will take o holiday the
next three weeks" remarked the sec-
retary and treasurer of private COM
pany to the chairman thereof. "But
you returned from one only two weeks
ago." sTrue; that was my holiday
as secretary; / wish to go now ~
treasurer. ."-Tid-Bits.