Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-07-02
JUST FOR FUN.

Tramp (evasively) = Pardon me. [
have seen wood.
Reciprocal favor. Your back hair
is down. Thanks. Your front teet tn
are dropping out.
Farmer-Why don't you fellers do
sumthin'? Commonweal General
Lack Of a workin' majority.
allow many foreign languages can
your wife speak?" Three,-French,
German, and the one she talks to the
baby."'
Dot-Mamma says the cat is full Of
Electricity. Dick-Of course. Put your
ear down on 'er, an you can hear the
trolley.
Miss Trill-I love to hear the birds
sing. Jack Downright (warmly)-So
do L. They never attempt piece be-
You'd their ability.
He And what would you do if
kissed you? She with dignity)-1'd
call mamma. (After pause). But
mammals out this evening.
1t was member of Parliament who
said, ''You may depend upon it, the
pale face Of the British soldier is the
backbone Of the Indian army"
Where is Mrs. Sham? She has gone
to the symphony rehearsal. Has her
husband gone with her? No; he is in
the woodshed, at Chopin recital.
'What's this card in your pocket,
John?" asked his wife. "That? Oh,
before I went to lunch that was a bill
Of fare. Now it's my table of con-
tents"
Teacher-How is it that you don't
know your lesson? Boy can't learn
it. Teacher (angriiy)-If it were not
for me you'd be the biggest blockhead
on earth!
Blobson- Where are you going to
be during the summer? Dumpsey-
In the office during the day and tie
barn at night. Wife's got a house full
of company.
Doctor = Did you apply a mustard
plaster to your spine? Patient-Yes.
Doctor Didn't you find it a great
help? Patient No. I felt that it was
a great drawback.
Nervous Passenger = Is the block
system in use on this road? Train Boy
-Guesso. just heard the engineer
say that the Teller that's wOrkin' us
through to day is a blockhead.
Oidun-As poor as you are, and 60
ing to marry? Yungun-That's what.
Oldun = Has your wife anything?
Yungun-No, but she will have. Oldun
What? Yungun (proudly)-Me!
Deans Rheumatic Pills absolutely cure
Rheumatism & Neuralgia. Entirely vegeta-
BILE. Safe.
Pm astonished at you fellows lynch
ing man who was seventy years
DID, It does seem hard; but, confound
'em, when they're young they run SO
fast that we can't ketch 'em.
Medical examiner-Have there been
any symptoms Of insanity in your ia
theirs family? Applicant for insurance
-Yes-er- that is, my sister once re-
fused man worth half a million.
"Gran'ma," said little four-year old
Austin, as he twined his arms loving
ly about his grandmother's neck,
''you'H never know how much love
you till you have a child of your own"
Mrs. Callaghan-I want to get pair
of shoes for the little bye. Shopman-
French kid, ma'am? Mrs. Callaghan
Indignantly Indade not! He's my
own son, and was born and bred in
Ameriky.
Bangs son has a wonderful inhu
ence over him. Bangs goes to church |
regularly now. How did he persuade |
his father? Well, you see he's only
three months old; and it was either |
go to church or take care of the baby.
Mrs. Corntassel had been to the Cor
coran Art Gallery. What did you
think Of the statuary? asked her
hostess. Well, was the meditative re-
ply, Of course it's mighty poor taste |
and sinfully wasteful fur people ter
overdress; but must say the ancients
carried economy ter an extreme.
Bobby is attending to his piano les
On very faithfully Of late, said the
youths uncle. Yes, replied his mother.
don't have any trouble with him
about that now. How did you manage
it? Some of the neighbors compla ined
Of the noise his exercises made and
told him about it, Now he thinks it
fun to practice.