Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-12-24
JUST FOR FUN.


They never fool but one person.
Gazing at the giraffe): "Hey, Chin
my! How's dat for t'roat ter boiler
extrys wid?"
A Boston girl spoke of tight rope
performance as "an inebriated cord
age entertainment"
First Visitor (atrealistic wax figure
show)-"Are you wax?" Second Wis
itor-No. Are you?
There is much tenderness in this
seemingly cruel world, but the butch
er rarely finds it.
He-And am l really and truly the
only man you ever loved? She-Well
err never had itseem so easy before.
Customer Gin the bookstore). What
is the best book for Christmas? Clerk
ndly)-Pocketboo
Mrs. Hicks = How should you like
me to sing you to sleep, as do the
baby? Hicks-I'd go to sleep if pos
sibly could.
Smiley = Now, remember, I don't
want very large picture. Photog-
rapher All right, sir. Then please
close your mouth.
Her Father No, young man, my
daughter can never be yours. Her
Adorer-I beg pardon: don't want
her to be my daughter, I want her to
be my wife.
A Lowell teacher received in one
pupils grammar papers this illustra-
ton of the degrees Of comparison:
'sPositive, first; comparative, next;
superlative, last.
owe got cold or something, in
my 'ead," said soft spoken "chap-
pie'' at the seashore. And the sum-
mer girl answered, ooh, it must be a
cold, Pm sure!''
Little Dolly had been sitting oppo-
site a guest with a waxed mustache.
After gazing at him for several mo-
ments, she exclaimed, "My kitty has
smellers, too.'
Ellerton-I should like to know
where the bright girls of the past are.
Bronson should say that some of
them are administering cautious dos
es of paregoric to the bright agirls Of
the future"
s'Tell us,'' cried a group Of maidens,
chow to remain always young and at
tractive?' ''That is just dead easy"
replied the sage without even lifting
his eyes from his book, ''get fortune,
and stay single"
Professor(to medical student): "Mr.
Doselets, will you please name the
bones of the skull?" Student (per-
plexed): give got them all in my
head, professor; but the names don't
strike me at the moment"
Locomotives have seldom been
cheaper than they are now. You can
buy a new first class locomotive for
about $4,000, yet, owing to the bust
ness depression, many families are
compelled to go without them.
An English health officer recently
received the following note from one
of the residents of his district: "Dear,
Sir,-I beg to tell you that my child,
aged eight months, is suffering from
an attack of measles as required by
act of Parliament"
Minister (to Rory Why weren't
you at the kirk on Sunday? Rory
was at Mr.. Dunlop's kirk. Minister
don't like you running about to
strange kinks in that way. Not that
[ object to your hearing Mr.. Dunlop,
but I'm sure we widna like yer ain
sheep straying away into strange pas
lures. Rory widna care a grain, sir,
if it was better grass.
"George!" she screamed: "my
neck!n "What's the matter?" "There's
a pillacatter' - A what?o GA tape
killer''-"What in the world do you
mean?" "Oh, dear!" she moaned, as
she clutched him frantically, ga kit
terpaller!" You know, George! A
patterkiller!'' "Oh!" said George,
with evident relief; and he proceeded
to brush the future butterfly away.