Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-11-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOk OF THE DAY.
Politeness is the small change oi
character. Puck.
Necessary evils, to great extent,
are those we don't want to abolish
Puck.
just make your best endeavor-
Have faith instead of doubt;
If times were good forever,
What could you growl about?
Atlanta Constitution.
One hundred and twenty.thre
pianos make Ell Dorado good town
from which to take vacation. EN-
poria Gazette.
A man need not necessarily be
tailor in order to press a suit for mar.
riage with the girl of his choice
Hartford Journal.
Politics are full of uncertainties.
To-day a man is ON the stump, and
next week he may be all up tree
Boston Transcript
A man should dare say his souls
his own; but some people act as if
they were getting theirs on the in
stallment plan.
Very often man discovers tha
there is good deal of the porcupine
about the people he thinks it his duty
to sit down on. n.-Atchison Globe.
He-"And am Ireally and truly the
only man you ever loved?" She
"Well--er-I never had it seem SO
easy before. indianapolis Journal
II don't know much OF Shakespeare"
Said she beside the tub;
tBut one line makes me weary.
It's this AYE, there's the rub"
-Phjladelphia Record.
Figg-"Did understand you to say
that Impenune was meeting his biil7
nowadays?" Fogg-"Yep; on every
corner. ."-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele.
graph.
A little boy, on returning from
Sunday school, said to his mother:
s'This catechism is too hard; isn't
there any kittychisms for little boys?"
-Tit-Bits.
He bought him a new waste basket
That would hold a bushel or so
For he knew they would soon begin to come
in,
The poems on beautiful snow.
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
The soldiers of Japan and China can
exist for weeks on rice and parched
peas. When they have pitched bat
tie they will have to look out for their
rice and mind their peas and cues
Judge.
Both rich and poor have reason to repine,
And oft discover that things don't go
right;
The rich need appetite that they may dine
The poor need dinners for their appetite.
Judge.
At the Photographers: Miss Snap
perly-sNow don't begin taking my
picture with that old chestnut of ask.
ing me to look pleasant. Operator
-"No, miss; we never ask impossi-
bilities of our subjects. Detroit
Free Press.
Nurse" "Please, ma am, every time
little Bobby can't have his own way
he runs at me and pushes me and kicks
me like everything" Fond Mother
'sBless his little heart! He'll be fa-
nous football player some day. =
0Ooo 1>OWS'
"Aren't you afraid that statue will
shrink if it be left out in the rain?"
asked the cheerful IDIOT. Shrink"
said his host "What an ideal" II
didn't know, you know. 1 thought it
might become statue wet. "-Cincln-
natl Tribune.
HIDDEN =" Sellers has moved out
of the apartments over his store"
Koddem-" That's queer. Any par
ticular reason?" HIDDEN" Yes; he
was afraid the firms from whom he
buys goods wouldn't like the idea of
his living above his income. Buffalo
Courier.
Mrs. arnes-"Kangaroos must be
the most human bein's of any of the
dumb brutes" Barnes-"Why, what
makes you think so, 'Mandy?" Mrs.
Barnes -"'Cause I saw some knanga-
roo shoes down t. the village t'-day,
an they was jest like what everybody
wears. Puck.
Tinn-"Hallos, Tagg, what's that
sign on your front door, No admit
tance except on business?'" Tagg-
"There have been so many young men
calling on my daughters and their
visits have been SO fruitless that have
adopted this plan to reduce the sur
plus Tit Bits.
The conversation had turned Oh the
transportation question, and Mr.. Jag
way. who was indulging in one of his
regular spells of being perfectly sober,
observed: "If had my way about it.
the Government would own the rail-
why's and carry people anywhere for
one rate of fare without regard to dis
tance, just as it carries letters IN the
nails" "H'mph!" said old Hunks.
!" You don't need to wait for that.
You could put stamp on your fore.
head and go through the mails any
day as periodical. Chicago Tri-
bune.