New-York tribune., 1894-01-07
I I
TIE RICU FOOL


"You might horsewhip him" suggested Tom
! Van Shystcr Tipping the ash from his cigar
/ cite YOU are big enough. Jimmy. and strong
enough to knock the stufng ont Of him in two
minutes"
The two men were standing in front ~ the
pretty fireplace in the reading-room Of the tni-
vcrsity Club and ore Of them. judging by his
flushed face and excited gestures was laborinS
under much mental distress
''Thars just the worst feature II the business.
There would be- no satisfaction in lickin' such a
bag of bones as BldCS. Confound the con-
tinucd. gazing ruefully az copy Of that
mornings Enquirer. which he held in his right
hand-"what have done To- The Johnny that
he should puory mc Ike this; It's a hcaFtly
shame. If ia known was goin' 10 drop into
such slatn In the papers III nav" stayed IN
England I've a. deuccd good mind - chuck tn"
States and become a British subject. have,
indeed"
His friend trcmhcd At this threat
Don't do that. Jimmy We can't spare You.
old man. YouI get over This. Nobody her"
paws any attention to Blagg. iie's gl''n me-
many a dose. Of course. he ought to be- tarred
and fcathorcd but who's goins 90 30 ~.
Il don't car" goo much about myself. Tom, but
draw the line az my mother"
He read as follows. "What can We expect
from the son of 81 woman who deliberately sold
herself for paltry til.. and took homes, Amer
lean gold To- gid the tsrnish'd cscutchcon oi -
spcndthrn English t1nn't
il Is U''f''srIi. 10 lfiN tili' 'ltiii'i' '''''
was an American citizen. Ola Iassicc carly
In the sixties. accumulated nn enormous fortune,
variousiy estimated 80 from one 90 five MILL
ions. when De- died hHif n his estate. being
community property w.nt 10 his wife. and the
other half fell to Jimmy. then ileckl'-id''d
boy Of I'VE. Mrs. Bagsirr. who hated san
Francisco bccaus" some 81 the best houses thor"
were closed to her. took herself and h"f dia-
mords to Mayfair. where thanks T" a nous" IN
Park Lane. hrst-class chef. and tn" most
ravishing toilets she captured the hand and
heart of a hari-riding baronct. Jimmy Was
duly sent to Eton and Christchurch. Al Et"n
he achieved distinction on the river, but scared
no higher i'm his studies than the lower nth
form. Al Christchurch his career was cut ruth
lessy short 10y the Dean. who sent him down at
the end Of his third term. Jimmy shed no
tears. and announced his intention of visiting
"rm a son Of the Golden West" he told his
mother. and I'm goin' TO look after my
property. The masters eye. YOU know"
So Jimmy and his valet registered at the best
hotel. and occupied a handsome suite Of rooms
upon the third floor. Sob fIill welcomed him
cffusivcy. and clubdom opened wide its portals.
Jimmy was young, rich, healthy and good
naturcd His English accent was the genuine
thing and all his coats were cut In Conduit
Street OF course. he became the fashion. AZ
the present writing he had been exactly six
months in California
Van Shystcr pleasantly cursed Eagg and all
his tribe as soon as Jimmy had finished quoting
from The article ~ The Enquirer"
IT'S really too bad" h. admitted. "Say. lets
crack a small bottle and gee If We can't evolve
heads are better than one"
I'm afraid. Tommy that our heads don't
amount to much This fellow BlagS has th"
bulge MS when II comes To heads. Hang II
all. who is he. any way. that he snccrs at polo
and pigeon shooting? II" couldn't sit horse
over a fence 10 save his life. AMI looks a rcgu-
lar duffcr at all kinds of sport. should like u
know more about him"
Hes no friend Of mine" said Van Shystcr.
"Eut Mcleod over there"-hc indicated with his
hand rising young lawy"r-"was at collcg"
with him. and Is posted. Wen find out what
there is to know from him. Come oyer here,
Iom-r?'-McLcod sighed rcncctivcly-ppor
old Homer. lie used 10 be chum Of mine.
Clever? OH yes. bur sourcd. Hos made an
awful mess of life. somehow. At Harvard We
expected great things of l}lagg but he has had
hard luck. He took high degree in medicine.
but | never heard Of his practising. Then j."
tried law and gave that M. He has made
from his old friends. I'VE fought rather shy of
him. He struck me for five dollars only last
week. Poor Homer, Poor fellow
Van Shystcr and Jimmy listened with interest.
Hes married. too" pursued Mcleod. has u
wife and a half dozen children. Y" support
them he writes. see he's been after you
}agstcr Given you scorching too He's
always down upon monairos. Wen. You can
afford TO laugh At Homer Blagg. He makes
capital-brcad and butter. 10 put II plainly
out Of your polo brcechcs ana brown boots. APP
parcntly the perfection Of their cut is not APP
preciated in the woolly West. but give us time
and we'll get there II will pay you as "A wise /
sue The Enquirer for libel, and You can't make
a punching bag out Of Homer Elage. hecausc
the sympathy of your fcllow-citizens would Dc
on the side Of the poor newspaper man. After I
all. nobody you care about pays any attention /
To- those periodical diatripes The wise ,
can read between the lines the envy and Jealousy !
that inspires them. BiagS vents his spleen |
upon you and Tommy here. because you're at !
the top Of the social ladder and he's at the bot |
tom. It's hard luck upon you because you're /
Il stranger 10 our ways and | know you've 4
taken tho kcencst interest In this polo and foot /
ball Remember To- your comfort. that all /
decent people are cordially grateful To you.
W hen you ret your bearings you'll find out that
The Enquirer Ia written for the masses. They
demand pungeni. spicy nonsense, and the
citor-very properly from IN" dollar ana cents
point Of vcw-sces that they get IT, It's ar
easy matter To poke fun at any manly amase-
ment think it's Aristotle who says that the
udicrous Is always on the surface ana men
Ike l'lagg are constituiionally superficial No.
thank you. no champagne for me. | never
drink before lunch. Goofby"
Hang on a minute" cried Jimmy. "Can you
give me Blaggs address"
He lives Ia a miserable fiat on Misson-st.
ou VIII ind the exact number In the directory"
The young men consumed their pint OF extra