Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-01-07
AEWlTH THE GLASS
ASA ItaRTz's SUGGESTIONS FOR
VIEWING AN ECLIPSE.
o..,I-a nv a Stranger In an Elevator
penr listen to Ham Jokes.
Second Hand.
VI iv,om 1t May Conccrn:


=, To- and IL you don't want to read It,
9 4 YOU don't have TO. You have never
,,I~s from mo before at least not over
ia nom de plume. and. perhaps. when
-. have about half way finished the pc
ytai of this letter you viii throw the
,Aer down IN disgust and never want
,-l.ar from me again. But IN the Ian
rase Of the immortal bard-just which
90 l don't exactly recall-it cuts no
s.ire IN my business get paid for IT,
neither you read it or not.
krter this introduction. and from purely
81, -crnary motives. as ] have in,mated
ef,r,. viii proceed TO sing my song
m slNpcnce
PLAYED O star part IN rather funny
,.Ient-at least / thought It was funny
, lie timc-scveral days since at the
aru5l. I was going up in The elevator
p, lazy 70 walk up. OF course-and whep
leatcrca the carriage ] was preceded by
man Who. from The Cursory Glznco
nin I ~ first gave him. appeared 20
i, ven verscd in the ways OF the "or'o'
found out differently. however. or at
rs, 20 FAR as the ways OF an elevator
.r. concerned. a few moments after.
fl. began 60 assume an uneasy appear
...e the moment Tie conductor shut the
r.n door. and whom the machine started
Il. rs inward fieht be gave cry OF
mont or fcar-I was unable 70 de-
,.rlac which-and grabbed hold OF my
LID io frantic manner. l began 70
r.u away from him. II was Of no avail
,.,..,.-. for ne was there 20 stay, ana
has % slccumb 20 the inevitanie anu
,sI until tire elevator reached the hor"r! -
Ear when I sisnalled the conductor %
all, and nv QuOndam friend ana mySeil
1,ht.T then demanded an eXpiaha-
s. ~ his actions. and he stated th't
3 o..e e C'hicacoAu. ard had been dropp'd
60 stories fra On elevator once, -hnd hdl
nvr~ entirely gotten over Inc Soo'N -
d. nervous system which De Fu-''in'
sh- and mt occasionally when ne "'a
fgt-c hadfy ard went up in an elevator
f,v..rl4 exrerIence tho same SENSATIONS
fla, ho dil when being rrccirIt2tei 90" i
eh,.gh snare in the Chicago Shait
oN..ta1 h,s exclamation ana told MN
g. tho next time he went up IN an
.iest.r with me IA let him 30 alOhe'
n ,.o,, over read anything from the pen
,r..a rr,rtz2 Wen. l have, ana ain
trrto-.ny uoescssor of n number "I Tvs
-.r,rcs fl, their original forn-that -
luese tbcv were ptnned by him. WINE
crnogir- through q lot OF Ola scrap,
No. ord rapers. which ] have sloi'n
1vy fo my sauctum Fanctorum' S"Ils
~ dcscrlpti'n ot an eclipse OF Inc
mn t.st occurred in 1~6, when was
,-raen bv him. but never published anu
qi,it 70 YOU os sample COPY
CTS grand and long-looktd-for alla,'
pam, z yesterday, according 10 con- 80 Az,
a lara crowd was present 10 Mlu.Io
Tervthing PASSED OF quietly, ana
100 .es evident delight upon tho part
~ thg,u6ionce. We saw #. or a. muen
AZ 81 We could. while Il was gong on
"Gotlp az daylight and, rememDeIlh'
hat e,h things appeared q more pi'"-
liant asantase through a glass '"oA
r.itt 1.-THE sugar and bittcrs on ui'
hattorv Of it-cut-glass. Came down ~
III. ofe. ana got ready for II. Ai!Alous.'
sv.aftlr the commencement or '"v PEI
Toruara. C0ncluc "a 20 set aholh'I E''7'
Found wo Of them. Took both OF ule''
Dr1 ctnlv awaited the beginning. Al
q I'.in. IlNlk AIH Al4HA mus 3d.
49, u signal Got q better glass ana
,,,r survey Tho eclipse appearel
Od ftow looked somewhat fo6gy al
T-et vaL like Thought IL was owing
q the lass and got another.
ain hour tho eclipse looked mucii
b.tter.ooksd Ike he used 10, eN'eg'
th.t might have been "a niue hNsiy
ma hliu-I 10 saltatorial exercise 4
strong glass was proposed ana We so'
a,+ 9 O'clock found it getting TO a
cor, O tv...At. and had 10 get glass
g., .rwhat had become of the eclipse
C., tyo 81 them-both inclined 10 De
,.r.soi lively. At half-past 10 Mugglh4
a. go oclirse was aunular. Got a glass
., e. Whistler NuECius was sober enough
=, now what De Was saying. fouhu nc
y.t rlcht-eclpse was annular JScdl4I'
T. Dlar circular, nehular-ald 'h'Ilss.
blut remember where u went l"
rlmk Il must have got broken into several
r.s and then have zone out 1t was
ID rirht "a . @ clock, as was discovered
tl looking through another glass.
Glasses are good Things for such occa-
..r- Hone somebody VIII get up another
,,.,-a next week, and every week there
f,.r FOR the remainder Of our natural eA-
gtpnce. .,,
Ae eclipse
IL hoard "a good story on n Capitol Of
Oil several days ago, and II you WI!
snfni-e not 20 tel him who told YOU / u
I've IL 10 YOU. But mind yOh now. Don
real, filth with me- or III get even Win
fou. sure.
I7,a gentleman in question. accompanied
a, ii. son and several OF his clerks. went
s,o.a "a Oh Point during the summer
M there they saw a fair t'Iusel seated
i, tre sand in "a bathing suit, which dis
,la~a1 her exquisite form 70 the gaze OF
Suanv admirers who were standing AT q
v,,r,rrff,,l distance. This particular gen
,ler.an and his party happened 10 form
o.. az the groups The Colonel-pardo,
tte s.iu--was cXpdtiating at some ichk u
oa the immodcsty Of the young iduy
when Ms son. who, by the way Ma'
equally interested. thought TO snow M
super.Ority over his companions ana BAN
come on. papa lets 80 10 lHe ho1vl,
'rt. old man, who had not moved DE
90 from the fair creature during tn
lennon to which no had given voice fe
rNf IN rs characteristic monotone
wait a minute"
1,vcrr,bodv I'm town Is telling Ham jokes
,,nw-that Is a number OF them. have yo'
,..en any OF them? When you 10 Yol
Mt 10 dodge them IL does very Wei
:, e,t down and listen to the Snolygostel
crack his foxes. You could sit on rougf
barrel IN the corner grOcery-store whoI'
dav and forget that the Children "eiN
CRYING at home, listening to Ham tel
thefa. but when Il comes down to listen
ing 10 a commonplace, ordinary. every
dav Ierson. trying 10 repeat them ~ -
well irs sickening. Mr.. Ham Should h"F'
them al copyrighted, as there - no on
exists except him that can DO them Jus
uce Take my advice, and don't let any
body try To tell you one. You regIet At
THE BUM REPORTER.
The REGIMENTS HOSPITAL CORPS
rn,t,cd to Washington In MAy-Need %