Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-02-15
CIV Hexekiah. the Scribe,9
CHAPTER /.

that the followers of Grover the great t.
surnamed the goldite, the same which
hegat Ruth and Esther and the panic
and the Hawaiian trouble, were
vexed with veXation exceeding, mas
much AZ they listeth not to the local
ity where they abideth at.
For behold. in the beginning they
girded mp their lions and went before
the people, crying with Il loud voice,
Verify, We say unto all men that We
are Groverites from exceeding, far
back, and woe unto We who forget it.
And verify. we hold in exceeding
great detestation that whch the
children OF men call the tariff. for is
it not Il thing fashioned by our
enemies, the same which hath licked
the everlasting stufIing out OF us from
greneratiOn to genera ton?
Yes verify, this same little protec-
tive tariff it buideth furnaces in the
valley and smokestacks on he noun
tain top; it turneth the wheels OF
progress. and cauSeth the desert to
blossom like unto Il green bay tree.
Wherefore do we of the tribe OF
Grover the great despise the same as
curse and All ambomination in the
sight of men.
Yes, aus Il stencil that offendeth our
from affair off.
And behold in the great and ter
rible day of the ballot, when the arm
les OF voters be gathered, shall we
arise in our might and smite our en-
emies into mince-meat
Yes, we shall lay them out Id on
platform OF free trade, AMI cover
them over with planks of tariff /, :
form
And our enemies shall be scattered
like unto the leaves of the forest, for
Grover shall rend them into frag-
ments like unto Il pOtter'S vessel the
which hath been smitten by the flip
per Of a youth, and then shall the end
come.
FO" in that day shall our banner be
planted on the outer wall Of the great
citadel of the nation, and we snail
bow down unto Grover, our deiiyerel'
who shal thcnceforth be knuwn as
our Saviour on Mount Buzzard.
And he Shall reign for four years.
ANA show er good times and fat offices
and special messages and free raw
materials upon us in abundance for
ever.
And the black smoke of industry
shall no longer obscure the MONDAY
sun, and the farmer shall wear pauts
Wove in foreign parts, and = cks from
the isles Of the sea.
And it WAS ever so. And after tue
space OF Il time, Grover, who was a
mighty fisher, girdeu UP his lint S Il q
his chattes and his CA net and went
up and pitched biz, tent .vet. AGAINST
the taptui, which is in the land ii
Column bia. and the band played he
held. the cat hath come back
CHAPTER II.
Now when Grover was crowned
king of the M ton, it came to pass
that be WAS pulled up Ia the pride of
his heart and his other viscera, mas
much as his raiment became several
cuhits too small To contain his lob
lots.
And he shook himself by the hand,
which is after the manner of his tribe.
and spake unto himself, saving. ha!
ha. Behold am monarch OF al can
get. Four more years OF Grover;
four more years in cleover. Q, Ameri-
ca. America, how oftea w ,lid have
gathered We under my wing, but We
would not.
But now | have We on the hip. and
We are conf; onted with Il condition.
not theory. for behold, | will rule
or ruin We.
Yea. verify, to commence with.
will brandish my great silver sword.
and all who believe on me aud do nv
Will shall be saved all who don't shall
be broke.
And | will call my soothsay ers to-
Gether and they shall tinker at the
tariff, and when they have finished
their tinkering, Mckinley, the father
OF the factory, will not recogonize the
same.