davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
Unauthorized Language.

Fireman lat the window)-You'll
have to hurry, miss. The roofs almost
ready to fall in.
Boston Girl - In just a minute.
There's volume of Ibsen can't find,
and.
"A minute? You haven't half that
much time
s That much is q colloquialism, sir,
for which there is no good authority
whatever. The word that is never an
adverb. You should say $50 much or
thus much. or as much as that but
not"
lis dragged out just in time. l-Chica.
go Tribune.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17

No American crisis, as has been often
remarked, is without its humorous
side. When the Coxey movement was
only brewing, few weeks ago, the
high-tarif men were loudly proclaim
ing that it was the duty of the govern
ment to provide work for the unem-
ployed- That broad-minded thinker,
ex-President Harrison. said so in direct
terms. They were telling the world
that it was the fault of the government
that there were any unemployed. But
Coxey's march has changed their tune
They are turning strict construction
lists The Tribune says now, mo class
of citizens Is entitled to any favor or
preference before the law" What, not
the wool men, and the tin men, and
the button men, and the silver men,
and the iron and steel men? Still. II
the conversion be permanent and there
be genuine return to the old-fashioned
ideas of American independence, all
will be forgiven, and no questions
asked. IN. Y. Post
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17

further, or into the sixth, whish is
next to the last stage"
Had barely time to kiss Lena whom
IL seemed l was hurled through space
like a meteor. Away of, hundreds and
hundreds of miles, could still hear the
professor saying: "See, gentlemen. he
passes very rapidly from one stage to
the other. l can hardly gauge my
power over him, so extremely sensitiv e
he is to it. But think he is now in
sensible to all pain"
think must have completed cir
Gle of the universe before again got
back where the perfessor and the gen.
tlemen were. Now I could see them
clearly, and l could see also my body
being lifted up and placed between two
chairs set SO far apart that my head
rested on one and my heels on the
other.
''See." said the perfessor, ''his body
is as stiff as board, look how rigid his
arms are. Now two of you gentlemen
please sit on him"
Then two of the heaviest of them sat
on my body, and it swayed just like a
springboard Then they lifted me up
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
A LUCKY GIRL

Hes English. . baronet's heir,
with title perspective. and so,
However my feelings may fare,
cant simply cast, let him 20
oes ne tires me to death with his drawi
an eyeRlass, his lisp and his smile;
Suu' I'm trying to cope with IL all,
ana not 70 look wretched the while
We stroll by the glorious sea,
ne complains Of the sale In the breeze;
we roam through the woodlands and he
Qctte objects to the crowdiug OF trees;
we dance and he finds IL "too hot;"
we rest that is lawfully Slow"
we read and the book Is all rot"
We sing. its bore, don't We know.
ne tears up my costumes-I mean
de IL critical rs to my dress
he oiiates on good form" as the queen
has approved It He never will guess
I1l we're married how little think
VI ner frump7 old notions, for he
wen, nod Is as good as q wink
To horse. or q man that can't see
I'm 30 lucky. they say-then, OF course
They will hint that my wealth was a bait,
-An. perhaps-but for better or worse
Gust woman keep step with her fate.
so, the wedding Is set for the fall,
Meantime. how the agonies pile;
But I'm trying to cope with 1t all
And not to look wretched the while
Madeline S. Bridges, in Brooklyn Life.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
M'k,NLEY As A NAPOLEON.
Indications That the Tinsel Emperor
Waterloo Is at Hand.

Indications That tho Tinsel Emperor's
Waterloo Is at Hand.
1t has become fashionable in politics.
finance and trade to hail any man who
Is phenomenally successful as a Napo-
leon. The man who accepts the title
should not forget that the history OF
Napoleon which does not include Wa
terloo is not complete.
1t looks now as il the young Napo-
leon Mckinley might reach his Water
loo sooner than even his opponents pre-
dicted. His administration of affairs
in Ohio is overcast. He has failed to
meet the expectations of his friends.
There are ugly rumors, and what re-
Gently were surmises only have now be-
come facts. There are irregularities and
shortages and scandals in his admins
tration, scarce three years old There
are accusations and elimination and re-
elimination. There are attempted ex-
plantations which only confound.
And in the midst of the confusion
Gov. Mckinley seeks to divert atten-
ton by going hither and yon, mounted
in his old armor, and rallying wherever
he can his party followers to follow his
plume, and mis- eyes turn to the white
house. Meanwhile he leaves his own
capital behind about which there is an
uglier growth, and around which there
are mere scandals than were ever be-
fore known In the history of Ohio.
II some of those who ere fond Of
calling the governor a Napoleon would
read the history of the Corsician en-
peror, they might find some similarity
between sections of the latter's history
and the governor of Ohio as he appears
to-day When Napoleon realized the
unrest of his own capital he sought to
divert it by invading another Gov.
Mckinley knows what he has brought
upon Ohio, and he turns toward the
administration at Washington and
rails at it and tells the people what
would be the difference if he were pres
ident-ChicaRo Herald.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
TARIFF REFORM TRUTHS.
lli.Advised Methods for Securing Desired
I.ecfsl~tfOn.

lli-Advised Methods for Securing Desired
Legislation.
Because the democracy. undertaking
the work of tariff reform. has no. acted
as quickly or done all that was ex-
pected Of it, it would be foolish in the
extreme for those who voted for its
candidates to go over to the party that
is absolutely opposed to tariff reform,
When, thirty three years ago. the re-
publican party gained control OF the
national government, it went into Of
fee pledged to the enforcement OF the
principles promulgated in the declara-
ton of independence and embodied in
the federal constitution, that .all men
are created equal and are endowed by
their Creator with certain inalienable
rights, among which are life, liberty
and the pursuit OF happiness" This
and other pledges made OF the party
an anti-slavery organization, and yet
it will be remembered that, in spite OF
the war which the slave-owners waged
against the government. there were
not few anti-slavery men in our north
ern states, and particularly in New
England, who believed that the
republican party was not fulfilling its
pledges, and VINO did not hesitate to de-
nounce what they termed its weak
subserviency to the slave power. In
fact, there were in the early days OF
the war leaders in the party who were
held up to condemnation, in the same
| way that Hill, German and others are
held up to-day, as traitors to the party's
cause. But if, to rebuke this delay in
the accomplishment of q great reform,
| these anti-slavery men had enlisted in
| the confederate army or had by aid and
advice done what they could to secure
the maintenance of the great crime of
negro slavery, they would have been
| acting in no way different from those
who would reform the tariff, but who.
because this reform has been delayed,
feel justified in voting for the support
ers of McKinleyism.
The true way is rather to defeat
those in the democratic party who have
proved recreant to their trust. than de-
| feat the principle which the democratic
party has pledged itself to embody In
our laws. Undoubtedly the action OF
the Minnesota democrats, the Iroquois
club of Chicago and other like organi-
cations has been of value in making it
apparent at Washington that betrayals
of trust In this matter cannot be COW
cred by fulsome professions of general
political allegiance, and, no doubt, if
the state committees and democratic
clubs generally were to adopt a similar
course the result would be advanta-
| geoua-Boston Herald Und.).
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17

have sat in a charmed circle at a spirit
nalistic seance; have MAIDS my mind a
blank for the hypnotist to wrestle with;
hut always with the invariable result
disappointment The graphologist
said. character forming;" the medium
averred the spirits were too weak; and
the hypnotist said the repellent force
was too strong.
It ceased to be a desire, and grew to
be q mania with me to be initiated into
the Questionable. Until 1 fell in with
the subject who here tells his story
seemed no nearer my object than be-
fore. He appeared partially hypnotized
and locked him in a room with pencil,
paper, and all the ''repellent force"
could summon, and the result is this
story of experience. in his own words.
My name is William Jones. 1 can't
write very well, and it takes me too
long to think. But then l don't have
to hurry. I've got lots of time, SO
what's the use hurrying? And don't
even have to think. 1 am not paid to
think On the other hand, am paid
not to think.
Leastways. that's what the perfessor
says, and he ought to know. He hires
me. He says he hires me- I don't
know what he pays me. Itseems more
than 1 can count, and 1 know 1 feel
very rich; but / never can spend it I
don't know what becomes of it. It's
very strange where it goes. 1 asked
the perfessor once where it all went,
and he said it had never gone-that
had it in my pockets all the time and
didn't want to spend it. And, sure
enough, felt in my pockets and they
were all filed with money, and, just as
the perfessor said, 1 didn't want to
spend it at all. / wonder how the per-
fessor knew that
He's a strange man, he is! Before
the perfessor hired me l used to live in
Maryville, and that's only little bit
of town where there are nice woods
where used to go and pick flowers and
listen to the birds sing. Ma used to
say she was afraid the world would &c
hard with William when he grew up
and had to make his own living. Pa
used to say he didn't think William
ever would be able to make his own
living. He said he was afraid William
was too lazy. / guess pa never heard
of the perfessor.
Ma died when i was seventeen, and
then it seemed everything went wrong
with pa. Lots of times when I'd come
home from the woods I'd find pa laid
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
POINTS AND OPINIONS.

--Three years of Mckinleyisn
made gatling guns necessary, and it is
q significant fact that it was Gov. Nc
Kinley who called them out.-Detroit
Free Press
How is this? Some weeks ago
Mr.. Harrison was telling the young
men of California not to seek office, but
to let the Office seek them. Perhaps
kansas City Star.
There is a repu blican chorus to
the effect that as congress is sure to
pass a tariff bill of some sort, the
sooner it is done the better. AS an adj
mission that the sooner the Mckinley
law is repealed the better for the coun-
try, it brings the republicans up to
where the democrats have been for
over three years.-St Louis Republic.
-Republican protection organs
which few months ago were proclaim
ing that the troubles Of the country
were due solely to uncertainty about
the tariff are now insisting that indefi-
mite delay in acting upon the tariff bill
can do no harm, and are demanding
that the republicans in the senate do
all they can to prolong that delay
Louisville Courier-JournaL
when the Mckinley act was
passed with it's five cents q dozen duty
on eggs, the farmer was told by repub-
lican campaign speakers that he would
now receive greater price than ever
before for the eggs he brought to
market and that the price would be-
maintained. Instead of the five cents
tariff keeping up the price of eggs the
price is lower to-day than it was at any
time before the Mckinley bill became
a law.-Owego Gazette.
Mr.. Harrison is now said to be
an automatically announced candidate
for reelection to the presidency. and he
has already begun his campaign
speeches. We fail to find In them,
however. any expression regarding the
great new issue put forth by the re-
publican convention Of Mr.. Harrison's
own state, before which Mr.. Harrison
made his opening campaign speech.
Come out, general, and tell us whether
you are with the republicans of your
state in their demand that we shall
shut off our markets for our agricul-
tural and manufactured exports il for
eign countries refuse to adopt our ideas
on the money question. Louisville
Courier-J Journal
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.

r.
He Missed IL and His Feelings Were Hurt
In Consequences.
The other morning q patrolman on
Grand River avenue was accosted by .
strapping young man on horseback
who wanted to know how to reach the
corner of Beaubien and High streets.
He was given directions and then
asked:
WAS man found dead on that cor
ner yesterday?''
Haven't heard Of any such case, =
was the reply.
But if he had been you'd have heard
of it?s
Most likely. No report has been
made at the station, and there was
nothing in the papers last night or this
morning about it,
do you think the sidewalk around
there is all covered with hlood?"
mo, why should it be?"
Say. A Teller couldn't have been
murdered there yesterday and nothing
said about it, eh?"
mo, sir. You seem to have some.
thing on your mind"
Eyes, / have. live out here about
nine miles. About dark last night a
tramp came hoofing along and made
up my mind to lick him.
.What for?''
s.Oh! just felt that way. never
had a real fight, you see, and wanted
to know what could do" .
81 see.' =,
81 peeled off my coat and vest to &c
for him, when he squares off and says:
Don't monkey with me, for I'm all
teeth. I've just killed a man in De-
troit.'
What for? says I.
Cause he just looked at me- says
he.
How did you kill him.?
Just swung my right at his jaw
and he died. More'n bar1 o. blood
on the sidewalk. Git outer my way OF
you won't live three minits.'
''And he bluffed you DOWN." said the
officer.
''Say! That's what came in to find
out" replied the young man. 81 lay
awake all night thinkin' of how could
have made that feller's heels crack the
back of his head, and yet if he was
such fighter I might have been
licked"
swell. he didn't kill anybody. ]
don't think he even had fight"
''And I'm bluffed man"
'Looks that way"
''And missed the goldenest opportu
nifty ever had to lick somebody"
THAT seems to be the case"
wall, by the horn-spoon and dozen
knives and forks, but you listen to my
murmur. I'm goin' back home and sit
on stump and wait for tramps. The
first burned hyena who shows his head
in Sand Hill will find me climbin' over
him. I don't keer how many men he's
killed or how many bar'ls of blood he's
split, but I'll swarm for him and I'll
bang his head, and I'll punch him SO
full Of holes that the man who finds
him will think he's come across some
thing new in the shape of q horse.
| radish CRATE"
''You shouldn't feel SO bad about it, 81
observed the officer.
''How can I help it. Great snakes,
but think what I've missed. It was my
first. and mebbe my last chance at a
Teller could have licked, and yet lei
him square off and bluff me over the
fierce and across the barnyard, and
make up faces at the back of my head
| Ye-um, but how suffer in my feel
| ms "-DetrOit Free Press.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
GREAT LINouisT.

Tho Remarkable Attalnmen to OF . BIOS
ton Travelling Man.
A party Of drummers in the hotel Of
fee were discussing Boston man they
had recently added to their ranks.
''Do you know" said sly-looking
New Yorker, .'that he Is quite re-
markable fellow"
s'In what respect?" asked man from
Cincinnati.
In respect to his linguistic ability.
He speaks French quite as well as he
does German"
SIS that SOP"
Eyes. and he speaks italian as well.
If not better, than he does French"
.'By George, he doesn't look it," ven-
tured smooth-face chappie from st.
Louis.
''It's true just the same" continued
the New Yorker, land more; he speaks
Spanish fully as well as he does Ital-
IAN
Hes regular polyglot," said q
Cleveland man.
He ought to be diplomat" sug-
gested long-legged drummer from
Louisville.
''Or court interpreter" added q
Hoosier from Indianapolis.
''He ought to take ont line OF sam
Piles Of canned tongue" said Chicago
ham-drummer, with q circus-bill laugh.
.'How well does he speak German?''
inquired Detroit man modestly.
whats that?" smiled the New
Yorker.
II said. how well does he speak Ger
mani" repeated the Detroiter slowly.
Then everybody looked at every body
else and Mt the New Yorker doubtful
~, and the New Yorker got up and
walked out without saying word
Detroit Free Press.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
The Perverse Psren /.

''How did you get along when you
told your father Of our engagementTr
asked the timid young man.
''Oh, dear!'' she answered, sit was
dreadful. I'm SO ashamed of papa"
WAS he nnfavora ble?'
THAT is no name for it. When
talked to him about our living on love
in q cottage on seven dollars a. week I
couldn't make him listen to reason 1t
al."-Wasbington Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17

ma We l O q q
been interested
in the manifest
atoms of the
I or 9 occult,
whether it has
taken the form
of plain char
q C t e r-reading,
hypnoti S M, or
the divinations
of the trance
state. l have
submitted Chi
Biography to the
graphologist; I
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
A Kind Man.

TELL me, honestly, why did you
marry that woman?"
'sPurc. unsclfshness
"How do you make that out?"
"Why. now she can't make anybody
else unhappy. Hello.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
OverdolnR II.

II like to see man think a good
deal Of his home" said old Mrs. Jason.
''but when he stays out all night "a
6rag about how happy home he has
think he Is carrying his affection =
little too far. "-Iudianapolia Journal
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
Ye Modern Mistress.

Fair Guest-My goodness! This room
looks like a prison cell. What is it for?
Hostess-That is to lock myself in
whan scold the cook.-N. Y. Weekly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17

--McKinleyism and Coxeyism are
but twin offsprings of thirty years of
republican leRislation.-N. Y. World
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17
A MENTAL SLAVE.
BY DICR WOOD.

Copyright. 1894, by the Author.l
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-05-17


49, II
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1894-10-27

Women play odd tricks on one an.
other sometimes, F." said 9 smart Amer
lean woman the other day, "but the
queercst ] ever heard Of was pcrpetrated
hy enc social leader III 4: western city
upon another. They were rivals and
hated each other accordingly, though
outwardly they preserved the semblance
OF pleasant relations. Every chance
that either got togive q dig at the other
was eagerly seized.
But the final and most effective
stroke, after which no calls were ex-
changed, was delivered by Mrs. L..
She sent out cards for q grand entertain
ment and then took pains to find out
what MR.. F, her competitor, was
going to wear. Agorgeous pink brccaded
satin WIS the material Of Mrs. F--'s
gown, it was ascertained.
Accordingly Mrs. L., whose
husband was in the dry goods business,
obtained several hundred yards of the
same identical stuff and draped the
walls Of all the rooms on the lower floor
of her house with it. You may imagine
the feelings Of Mrs. F. on arriving
in her superb new frcck, which she ex-
pected to make a sensation. Naturally
she ordered her carriage and drove away
in tears London Tit-Bits.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1894-10-27
The Dress of q Roya, s:1;Se.

1t is only outside of Russia that it is
possible to publish certain details Of the
splendid fetes attending the marriage
of the cars daughter. It is contraband
to print in Russian newspapers the fact
that at the wedding ceremony the en-
press of Russia was dressed in blue
MORE antique thickly embroidered with
silver. Her majesty's jewels were sap
phires and diamonds. The dress of the
bride was entirely of silver cloth, with
. train of crimson velvet bordrred with
ermine. On her head was q large dia-
mond tiara, behind which was a bridal
wreath, and then on top of the head was
the small diamond crown worn by all
imperial brides at their weddings.
Some time ago all the newspapers in
Russia received an order forbidding in
future any reference to the dresses worn
by the empress Oh state and public &C.
casions. This was done in consequence
Of the Russian newspapers having in
correctly described her majesty rs wear
ing a dress which at the time was alto
sether out of fashion. London Letter.
The weekly Thibodaux sentinel and journal of the 8th Senatorial District. [volume] (Thibodaux, Lna. [i.e. La.]) 1875-1898, 1894-10-27

She had bought q general admis.
sion," and before the first act was over
she slipped down to q place near the
front and seated herself. Two minutes
later an usher came down escorting a
man. The man held the coupon to the
seat she occupied, and the usher told her
{. Then she gathered up her skirts an
grily. picked up her parasol, which she
had deposited against her neighbours
knee, wrathfully scrambled in front Of
the three people, and when she reached
the aisle transfixed the man with an an
cry glance and muttered andibly,
What cheek some people have!''-Chi-
cage Record.