Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1894-09-05
TOLD ON. THE TRAIN
The Brakeman at Church-BJ
Robert j. Burdett. -

The recent death Of Robert ]. Burdett, knowi
and loved as "The Burlington HawkeJe Man.
justlfes and gives opportunity for the repnblica
ton of this clever bit of sketch work, one of hi
most popular humorous contributions. #
To me comes the brakeman, and
seating himself on the arm of the
seat says: b
81 went to church yesterday"
"Yes?" I said, with that inter.
ested infection that asks for more
"And what church did you at.
tend?"
(which do you guess?" he asked;
"Some union mission church?'
I hazarded. (:
"Naw," he said, II don't like to
run on these branch roads very
much. I don't often 90 to church,
and when I do, I want to run on
the main line, where your ruL is
regular and you 20 on schedule
time and don't have to wait on con:
nections. I don't like to run on q
branch. Good enough, but ] don't
like it."
"Espiscopal?" 1 guessed. ~,
Limited Express" he said;
sail palace cars and 50 extra for a
seat; fast time, and only stop at
big stations. Nice line, but toe
exhaustive for a brakeman. ALI
train men IN uniform, conductors
punch and lantern silyer-plated,
and 10 train boys allowed. Then
the passengers are allowed to talk
back at the conductor; and it
makes them too free and easy. No,
1 couldn't stand the palace ca1s.
Rich road, though. Don't often
hear Of receiver being appointed
for that tine. Some mighty nice
people travel on it, too"
"Universalist?" I suggested.
"Broad-gauge," said the brake
man, "does too much complimen.
tary business. Everybody travels
on O. pass. Conductor doesn't get
a fare once in fifty miles. Stops
at all fag-stations, and won't run
into anything but union depot
No smoking car on the train. Train
orders are vague though, and the
train men. don,tg along well with
the passengers. No, I don't go tc
the Universalist, though I know
some awfully good men who run
on that road"
"Presbyterian?" I asked.
"Narrow-gauge, eh?" said the
brakeman, "pretty track, straight
as a rule; tunnel right through a
mountain rather than 60 round it;
spirit-level grade; passengers have
to show their tickets before they
get on the train. Mighty strict
road, but the cars are little mar.
row; have to sit one in seat and
no room in the aisle to dance
Then there's no stop-over tickets
allowed; got 10 go straight through
to the station you're ticketed for
or you can't get on at all. Wher
the cars full no extra coaches
cars built at the shops to hold just
so many and nobody else allowed
on. But you don't often hear Of
an accident on that road. It's rpr
up to the rules"
"Maybe you Joined the Free
Thinkers?" said.
"Scrub road" said the brake
man; "dirt road-bed and no bal
last; no time card and no trair
dispatcher. All trains run with
and every engineer makes his owl
time, just as he pleases. Smoke
if you want To-; kind of go-as-yor
please road. Too many side-tracks
and every switch wide open all The
time, with the switchman sounc
asleep and the targe. lamp deac
out. Get on as you please and gel
off when you wantto. Don't have
to show your tickets, and the con-
ductor isn't expected to do any
thing but amuse the passengers
No, sir, I was offered a pass, but
don't like the line. I don't like to
travel on line that has no termi.
nus. Do you know, sir, I asked q
division superintendent where that
road run to, and he said be hoped
to die if he knew. asked q con.
ductor who be got his orders from,
and he said be didn't take orders
from any living man or dead ghost.
And when I asked the engineer
who be got his orders from, be said
he'd like to see anybody give him
a.lo., bo31 r,,p thof trcip to chi