The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-01-13

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o WELL EQUIPPED.
GSiggs-Don't you think that DR..
Bolus is a pretty good physician?
Briggs-Good physician! Well,
should say not. Why, that man
couldn't cure a ham !-Somerville
Journal.
FOURTEEN DOLLARS DIFFERENCE.
Paw, is there any difference be.
tween a cold and a in~fuenzy2"
III the doctor calls it a cold, the
bill is about 81. II he calls it infu-
enza, it's about SIS. The difference
is $14, my son" -[Chicago Record.
HER REPLY.
"You look sweet enough to eat"
said Josh Sassafras to his best girl on
Sunday afternoon.
You just wait till supper time and
you'll see me eat" was her reply
Harlem Life.
A DIssEMBLE r..
Bragg-I know a thing or two.
Scapely-You sly dog!-[Life.
AN EXCEPTION.
Watts-Large bodies move slowly.
Potts-Did you ever see a fat man
slip on a banana peel?-[Indianapolis
Journal.
A CURIO.
Railroad Man (angrily)-I have
just found out that that cow we had
to pay for had not given any milk for
five years.
Farmer Smartt-Yaas that's so.
ut is, is it? Now, sir, what right
had you to put such n high value on
her? Tell me that"
wall, you see, / valued that COW
as a curiosity. "-[Life.
MITIGATED CIRCUMSTANCES.
Bob Keyworth was paying attention
to a rich widow in Harlem.
Madam" he said, as he offered
her a bouquet, you are getting more
and more beautiful every day"
you ex%aggearte, my dear sir" ex-
claimed the lady, very much fattered.
"Well, then, let us say every other
day, said Bob.-[Texas Siftings.
TRYING TO THINK.
Physically little 'Liz'beth was in
the bath tub; but her mind was soar
ing into infinity, as it has a very I'M
comfortable habit of doing.
"Why are you keeping your eyes
shut?" asked her mother.
"'Cause I'm trying to think of
something"
What are you trying to think of?'
"Of how things looked before the
world was made. Washington Star.
DELICATE ATTENTION.
Vivian (of certain years)-You
treated me as if | were an old maid
to-day when Mr.. Spooner was calling.
Guinevere Nonsense, my dear.
Why, he and | had been talking
about old people and we changed the
subject the minute you came in the
ROOM Chicago Herald.
FIRED.
His heart was fired by love of her
The old man had retired,
But soon he ambled in and then
The rest of him was fired.
Detroit Free Press.
A QUESTION.
" Time and tide wait for no man."
I've IA question apropos
or that: | would like to know
Don't they have to wait for a wo-
man?-TPuck.
A LONG SIEGE.
"I'm ready now" called Mrs. Swiz-
zles, down the balustrade, to her hus-
band, who had been waiting half an
hour to start for the theatre. Pm
ready, all but my hat"
"Well tell Maria" shouted back
Mr.. Swizzles, rs he stretched himself
out at full length on the sofa and
composed himself for a nap, tell
Maria to wake me at 9 o'clock, any
way Chicago Record.
HOPE AT LAST.
II told the minister you were
troubled with insomnia" said Mrs.
Manchester to her husband; that
you were nearly dead from loss of
sleep, and he said he'd come and see
you"
Well" replied Mr.. Manchester,
with a sigh of relief, ''if he only
thinks to bring one of his sermons
along, l will get some sleep at last"
-[Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
WHAT HE LEARNED.
Mother-Well, Georgia, have you
learned anything new to-day at
school?
Georgie-Yep.