The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1894-07-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

w - lAAND - ~ :" V4Vo ~ t
4 PREPARED FOR EMERGENCIES.
The matden's head upon his breast In simple
Her little hand within his own lovingly in
closed. u#
No doubt, no fear, could enter there. In full
She listened % the words Of love he spoke in
tones intense. ~
For vol she knew that II his love in future
She could produce the Photographs report of
- = ~ Detroit Tribune.
He-As you are a student Of char
acter what can you say of mineo She
You're one who makes big mistakes.
He-How can you tell? Shelby your
handwriting.-Lje.
Mrs. Chatter-Do you believe that
of hands? Mrs. Clatter-Most certain
". cured my boy of smoking in
that way.-Brooklyn Life.
The Wife-How did you dare. sir, to
scold me before Mrs. Brown? The
Husband-Well, you know. Maria, l
daren't scold you when we are by our
selves.-Kate Fields Washington.
Mrs. Elderleigh-Do you love your
teacher, johnny? Johnny Yes,
ma'am. Mrs. Elderleigh-Why do you
love her? Johnny-'Cause the Bible
says to love our enemies:-Puck.
He (tenderly)-Do you think you
could ever learn to love me? She con-
identity %, yes. Why, learned to
love Tom Barry. who was here last
week, in two days.-Spare Moments.
"Cholly inherited a good deal Of
money from his parents. Eyes. But
not much in the way of brains. I"
"rhat's true. They left him all dol
lars and no sense. Washington Star.
"There," said the tough schoolboy to
the good one as he finished pounding
him for carrying tales to the teacher,
IF any body happens ter ask yer wat a
telling effect is yer kin explain it now"
--ButaIo Co'srser.
Mrs. Peachblow - Why does your
husband carry such a tremendous
amount of life insurance when he's in
such perfect health? Mrs. Flicker
Oh, just to tantalize me. Men are nat
urally cruel.-Lye.
"What are your hopes for the flu
ture?" asked the solemn man. II
have none just now," replied the
youth. Tomorrow is my best girls
birthday and I am worrying about the
personalities Calendar.
Blamed if l can account for the as
tonishing success Downley and Few
scadds achieved in Boston," "Humph!
Guess you are not aware that they
started in by making spectacles Of
themselves. "-ButaIo Courier. p.
Eyer look bad, Jim. Been under
the weather? "Sorter. To-day's the
first time I've been outer doors in
three months" "What was the matter
with your" "Nothin'; but the Judge
wouldn't believe it. "-Brooklys Life.
Col. Blood--W hats that hand stuck
up on the wall? Dick Carder-O,
that's hand Cherokee Charley held
against the Coroner. Col. Gore
What did the Coroner holdp Dick
Carder (sententiously-An inquest.
Truth. & 4. - - ~ -
The Pessimist-Do You really think
the world will ever be Christianized?
The Optimist-You bet l do. And at
the rate the heather are being whipped
out by these machine guns nowadays
it won't be long, either-1''dia"apoIss
Journal.
Mrs. Nimrod-Are you going out
hunting again tomorrow, Charlie?
Mr.. Nimrod-Yes, l think I'll try my
luck. Mrs. Nimrod-Well, was 90
ing to say that rabbits are so cheap
now l think you might shoot two
1szas Siftinys.
"And when you told her she was tho
prettiest woman in the world. you
think she believed you?" 10, dear,
no. Had she believed me she never
could have any regard for my intel
lect. She knew l was lying, and also
knew that l must think good deal of
her to tell such whopper. "-Boston
Transcript.
An older sister was hearing her les
son in American history, the subject
being the capture of Ticonderoga by
Ethan Allen, who demanded the sur
render ain the name of Jehovah and
the continental congress" The sister
asked, "What was the continental con-
gress?" and the child gave a satisfac-
tory answer. "Who was jehovah"
We'll, l don't exactly know. think
it was either Columbus or George
Washington" - 81. Louis Post DIS
PATCH
AS far as antiquarian reseach has