davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
A Catastrophe Avoidad.
ever are

Wandering Tank (weakly)-I wuz
pretty sick last night, t,wuzn't I, Ragsey9
Ragsey-Yes. You wuz out o. yer
head an KEEP a-talkin' crazy-lilSe.
Wandering Tanl-Wot wuz assay
in?
Ragsey-You wuz yellin' Water
water! water!" like dat, all night long.
Wandering Tank (agitatedly)-Great
sna-a-a-kes, Ragsey! Yer didn't gimme
any, did yer?-Judge.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
Hard to Distinguish.

Auntie-Well, did Uncle George tell
you an interesting story?
Little Niece (from Boston)-Yes,
auntie, it was full of delightful Won
ders; but some visitors called, and
hadn't time to inquire whether it was
fairy tale or theosophical hypotA-
esis.-Good News.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
Crnrr on the subiset o, prs...

A paper published in London gives
strange account of the Duchess of
Somerset, whose personal property, 1t
says, was lately sold at auction. 1t
seems the poor lady had a mania for
clothes She had at the time of her
death not only four thousand pairs of
gloves, but six hundred pairs of silk
stockings, five hundred lace handker-
chiefs, and all sorts of dresses many
of them of the fashion of forty years
ugo She had been confined to her own
house for nearly thirty years, yet she
regularly ordered her elegant court
dresses with each change of season,
precisely as she would have done had
she been in society, as she used to be.
Moreover, she used often to dress her.
self in her elegant fnery and parade
UP and down her room as though she
were at n reception. The writer of
this article does not appear to consider
her insane, only eccentric. If the story
be true one cannot help wondering
whether the poor woman, when she
had youth and health, gave herself so
utterly to the love of dress and display
that she could not fill her thoughts
with any other subject THE Pansy.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
sanoY.

The Boston Transcript records an
other instance of q foolish question
and sharp answer
"There, now, is my new pictured"
said young painter to a friend
"What's the matter with that, eh?"
"I don't know" answered the friend,
"but should say it was n case of art
fnill1ra.N
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
Feminine f'lpanclcrinr.

Irate Husband (glancing over dress
makers bilD-Theres no use talking,
my dear, you must do something in the
direction of economy!
His Wife-All right, love, I'll try to
cure you of the poker habitl-Truth.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
a City Boys Idea.

JOHNNY wonder what the poor pig
is trying to say, mamma?
Namma-He isn't trying to say any
thing-he's only squealing.
Johnnie-Only squealing? Why, 1
thought, mamma, he was only stutter-
ing.-Harper's Young People.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
She Kncw He Mays.

"what has that old cat been saying
about meP"
"How do you know she has been say
ing anythiDg?"
"She kissed me three times when I
came in."-Judge.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
she Knew Better.

Mrs. Watts-I saw in the paper the
other day that it is impossible for
man to kick with full force when there
is nothing to kick at.
Mrs. Potts-I'll bet no married wom-
an wrote that.-Indianapolis Journal.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
The shopper,s weakness.

Lady Shopper-What? You ask So q
yard for this cloth? Why, can get it
at Dreighgoods for So.
Clerk-Yes, madam. But we're Of
fering this on our bargain counter.
Lady shopper taking out her purse)
OH Let me have ten yards, please
Chicago Record.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
Too Much Education.

Education" said Uncle Josh, sis er
mighty good thing, but sometimes it
does more harm than good"
'"There's no doubt of that"
81 oncet knowed of a case where edu-
cation Dcome purity nigh drowudin' a
rale nice young lady," he went on.
"How was that?"
"Why, she fell into the water an
bein' too high toned to holler help
she yelled out assistance An ther
blamed fool hired hand thet heard her
lost about five minutes maxim up is
mind whether ter pull her out er go
home fur dictionary. Detroit Free
Press
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
The Iumber Buslness.

She-My father is lumberman In
the northern part of the state.
Young Lawyer-And I'm one down
here; my shingle has been hanging out
for year.-Detroit Free Press.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
Praise and Blame.

Smith-The decorations in this res
taurant are quite fetching.
Brown (who has waited half an hour
for his lunch) Yes, but you can't say
MS much for the waiters.-Truth.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

Tramp (reprovingly)-Ah, lady! In
the part of the country | just come
from the women didn't ask us to saw a
cord of wood fer our dinner
Lady of the House Didn't, hehl
Where did you come from?
Tramp-The natural-gas regions
pIlclt
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

'Moilse," said Pat, "af we seen man
shtrugglin' in the wather thot cudn't
shwim, would We jump in afther him?"
"Well, now, Pat" replied Mike, ''af
it wor me, Oh think Old rather jump in
afthera man thot could shwim. Ohm
not tallin' chances an meself"-Har-
pers' Bazaar.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
A Elrthnnrk.

Superintendent Byrnes-Is there any
special way of identifying your miss
ing husband?
Sorrowing Wife-Yes, sir, he's SUBJ
iect to ocramps.-Hallo.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
HE oAUGHr-HER Blythe SKIRT.

home, her heart full of the conquest
she had made, while Early reported to
his troop for duty. AT Fort Monroe he
remained until the Florida war, when
he went to the Everglades. There he
distinguished himself, and, as fortune
smiled upon him, his love for the girl
far away in her northern home in
creased. For her he was full of hope
and ambition
But both were doomed to an early
and sad disappointment
With the approach of spring Lieut..
Early's thoughts began to dwell upon
the pleasant meeting so near at hand.
Early in the spring he applied for a
leave of absence, and it came, but the
same mail brought him a paper. The
handwriting upon the wrapper was ia
miliar TO him, and as he tore it away a
heavy black mark upon the paper
caught his eye. Glancing at it, he read
the piece which it marked That piece
told him of the marriage of the lady he
loved SO well, and as he read it he real.
lied for the first time that she had been
toying with his heart. After reading
it he cut the piece from the paper
placed it in book and kept it.
That is why, it is said, Jubal Early
never married Baltimore American
AMONG the treasured relics of an ex
confederate now living in Dordel
state is half Of red morocco Bible
When he and companion in arms
were hungry and very solemn on the
retreat after The fall of Petersburg
they shared equally small quantity o
parched corn, their only food, and tor,
the Bible in twain, 80 that each nigh
have part Both lived TO eat bette
faro and To own whole Bibles.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
Bobbie's Wish

wish some man would make top
That, when twas spun, would never stop"
-Harper's Young People.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

Joseph understand candidate In
Kentucky on temperance platform
ran ahead of his ticket.
Pharoah-He did.
Joseph-How many votes did he get?
oah-One.-Boston Common.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

She-Why don't you make up your
mind and marry? 1t is only little
thing to do.
He-What, marrying?
She--Noi making up your mind.~-
Town Topics.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

" We have the grip" we do,assert,
And raise q mighty fuss,
But really, when we come to think
1t Is the grip has us
Detroit Free Press.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

Father-Don't you think W. ought
to walk faster, daughter? we are not
keeping up with the organ.
Daughter-No, pa. have waited a
long while for this opportunity and
mean to make it last as long as possi-
ble.--Judge.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
An Admiring Wife.

''Nhom do you consider the greatest
inventor of the times?" asked one
woman.
"My husband" she replied, proudly.
"Why, 1 didn't know he ever in
vented anything"
"You should hear the excuses he
gives for coming home at two o'clock
In the morning. g."-Washingt Star.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
Empty Since the War.

One of the curiositieS to be found in
southern Ohio, not far from Chilli.
cothe, is n country store that has re-
mained as it now is for over thirty
years without the change of single
article. When the war broke out the
man who owned the store had son.
The father was intensely loyal and per.
suaded the son to enlist, promising the
son that if he should enlist the store
and its contents should be his when he
returned. Another call for troops
came and the old man locked up tho
store and shouldered a musket. He re-
NAMED in the army until peace was
declared and then returned to his home.
His wife had died in the meantime and
no tidings had ever been received from
the son. The father worked a small
farm that he owned, but never entered
the store, saying that it should be
there as it was when the son came
home to claim it. A quarter of CEN
tury has gone, but no word yet from
the missing son, and the store stands
Just as IT. was over thirty years ago. the
old man, now in his old dotage. refus-
ing to allow anyone TO enter it Pitts
burgh acknowledgement.
JOHN ID. CABLING, Of Hagerstown,
Md, has small pocket Bible that he
found after the battle of Gettysburg on
q camp ground near the former place.
CARING is at least the third owner OF
the book, for it bears upon fly Leaf
this inscriptions: "This Bible was foand
on the train taken from the rebels on the
9TH day of July, 1868, by John N. Vol
sin, and take it as my guide through
life with Jesus as my Captain. Boons
boro. Md, July 7.1s64"
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
She Yasn't Sure.

Mamma Ito little daughter)-Never
forget to thank God for everything,
my child.
Child-1f I didn't like it, too?
Mamma-Yes, always; everything is
for the best.
Child (running in an hour later)-
Mamma, thank God I've broke the new
pitcher.-Harper's Young People.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24
"Yes," Said his teacher.

"Well, if you go far enough west,
casts west" said Bob. ''And if casts
west sometimes, why isn't west east
sometimes?''- Harper's Young People.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

"SUITING the meanness to the end" is the
modern version of an old proverb.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

''I don't see what west is, anyhow" :"
said Bob, with a pdzzled expression on
b;S fona
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

"Why not?" asked his teacher.
You say the earth is round," said
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1894-03-24

Mrs. Worrit-Oh doe tor is it really
true that there are many people buried
alive?
DIR. Graves-None of my patients
ever are.-Once Week.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02
A Sufficient Reason.

The admission of stranger, who had moved into the vicinity but recently, into full membership in the church bothered Deacon Johnson very much. He disliked the man, and felt quite con- vinced he was not worthy to become 8 member, but he could make no definite charge against him. When the church session had the mans application under consideration, the deacon protested against his admission. When pressed to give his reasons, he said: Wal, pah- son, de fac ob de mattah is feels dat he's wolf in sheep's clothing"
 Oats a hobby chadge, Brudder Johnsing," said the parson. "W'y do 70 t'ink SOP"
 ''I dunno, but it pears to me he don't bleat jest like de rest ob de flock. "- Harper'S Magazine.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02
AN EPIC ON THE TARIFF.
Prose Poem in Which the Trusts Don't
 Feel Bad Prior to the Last Verse.

Eeel t1hu IrIOT 10 tho 11hbb terbes
 There is sorrow in the white house, where the lights are dim and low; there is grief up at the capitol where sad. eyed statesmen go; there is pain in the committee rooms, where democrats sit glum, and the star-eyed goddess glow CTS as she frowns and bites her thumb; there is weeping loud and wailing over one poor tariff bill, and the democratic cloak rooms are all silent, cold and chill. Democrats who once were hap py now are weary, sick and sad, but nobody has discovered that the trusts are feeling bad.
 Once the house set out quite gayly to draw up a tariff bill, and the demo- crats assembled on the capitals high hill. Mr. Wilson and McMillin and the other democrats cut the duties down on diamonds, carpets, coal and Persian cats; took the duty off of sugar, slapped a higher one on rice, tinkered with the tariff question till they all felt gay and nice; sent the bill on to the senate, happy OCT their work and glad, but they found some how or other that no trusts were feel ing bad.
 For the big trusts owned the senate, owned it body, mind and soul, and they put the tariff measure in a dusty pigeon hole. Then the trusts drew up tariff that was just what they desired, and the democratic sem ate merely stood by and admired. The republicans protested, but their pro- tests were in vain, for the trusts poured out their money as the clouds pour out the rain. Even Vest and Mills were silent, though they showed that they were ''mad;" but nobody could discover that the trusts were feeling bad.
 Sugar stock was bought up quickly by the great mems sons and cooks, and some statements names were written secretly in brokers books Scandal grew so rife and ugly that the senate, in defense, even held investigations" and protested innocence. In the mer- " secret sessions" senators would testify how they never speculated," :" while each winked roguish eye. Each had mot bought stock nor sold it." though the public knew they had; and the people grew indignant, but no trust was feeling bad.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02

The democrats had everything their own way, and yet it required about three months to get that bill through the house.
 Then the measure went to the sem ate, where it was torn to pieces in the interests of the various trusts, which demanded consideration. Four hun dred anne ndments were made to the house bill, and it was finally passed, after remaining in the hands of the seLate more than four months. Now the two branches of congress are in deadlock over the two bills. The president has found it necessary to in ject himself into the controversy, and it is doubtful if the democrats will succeed, after all, in agreeing upon q bill which will please all factions of the democratic party and all the special and sectional interests which the dem- ocrats are inclined to favor.
 From all this it appears to be plain that the democrats do not know what they want. Furthermore, it is appar- ent that they haven't much of an idea what the tariff reform, about which they have talked since 1884, is like. People who had supposed that the de- sire to smash protection represented a fixed and settled democratic policy will be compelled to admit that they were mistaken. Present events at Washington lead to the conclusion that the democrats advocated tariff re- form simply for the purpose of array ing one man against another and of winning votes for the democracy, and when they had won victory upon that issue they found themselves ut terly unable to formulate and carry out the policy they had advocated.
 The democrats have succeeded in demonstrating their incapacity when entrusted with power, and they have fully proved that the democracy is party of false pretenses. They have accomplished nothing ore.-Cleve- land Leader.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02

B~The democratic members of the senate Investigating committee have decided to inquire further into the re- lations of the sugar trust to the demo- cratic party. If Messrs Gray and Lind say are not careful they will find out something about the bargain wlsch was made with the trust out of con siderntion for the big contribution which Mir. Havemeyer made to the democratic campaign fund in 1s92.-- Cleveland Leader.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02
IN PASSING.

Through halls whose carved panels held A host of cherublm, Up stairways wide wandered on
 Through curtained alcoves dim; And ever us my footsteps came
 By alcove, hall and stair, A myriad mirrors started up
 And caught my shadow there Sometimes my profile paled and sank
 A smile upon my lips; Sometimes blur my features were,
 Swift darkening to eclipse But following as these figures fled
 Faint ghosts of grayish gleams- walked beside, as one who walks
 Companio ned in his dreams. FOh! winding years that round my path
 Like mirrors flash and pass, Once always, do you hold for me
 The wrath within the glass; Some night or day, some star or sun
 (As what should say: "BewarelO Reveals in your dead seasons flight
 My shadow passing there. Ernest McGaffey, in N. Y. Independent.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02
FALSE PRETENSES.
Democratic Incapacity for Intelligent
 Legislation.

Legislation.
 Almost as soon as the votes cast at the presidential and congressional elections in 1899 had been counted the democratic newspapers which had ad- vocated the radical tariff reform to which the democratic party was pledged by the Chicago platform be- gan urging President-elect Cleveland to call an extra session of congress as soon as he should assume office.
 Such papers as the New York Times, Boston Herald, Chicago Herald and Louisville Courier-Journal insisted that the people had voted for tariff reform, and it was the duty of the democrats to give it to them as soon as possible. There was and could be no excuse for delay, they said. Noth- ing stood in the way of the passage of n bill which would wipe out the Me Kinley law if Mir. Cleveland would only convene congress in special ses- sion and give the democratic lawmak- CTS a chance.
 These radical free trade organs in- sisted that the democrats knew exact ly what they wanted. They had dis cussed the proposed reform for years. It would not be necessary to even ap- point ways and means committee to consider the bill. Just as soon as congress met the bill would be ready, and it could be disposed of in both branches inside of a month. That was what the holders of democratic opinion thought in the fall of 1899. They assumed to believe that the dem- ocratic members of the Fifty-third congress were being consumed by de- sire to lift the burdens of tariff taxa tion" from the backs of the people.
 Mir. Cleveland did call special ses' sion of congress, but not for the pur' pose of considering tariff bill. The subject of tariff reform was not even taken up at that session. The com mittce on ways and means was ap' pointed, however, and it had sue ceeded in formulating bill before the regular session of congress convened in December. The work was done in a cellar by the light of dark lantern. It was entirely the work of southern democrats. The republicans were not permitted to assist in its creation, and the people who were interested in the subject were given but brief hearings.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02
SHE LEANED HEAVILY ON THE PIANO.

SHE LEANED HEAVILY ON THE PIANO. know. Then he made examination and found that she was not hurt, but that stray shot from the direction of the gaming-table had struck the key board of the piano, ripping up some of the keys beneath her fingers while she was playing. She was unnerved with fright, hysteria accompanying it.
 Then the doctor bound up the ranch CTS shattered wrist, after removing some splintered fragments, The full extent of the shooting now being known and having been discussed, the crowd began to thin away.
 When the surgeons work was fin ished, venerable frontiersman, who had greatly assisted Davis in dressing the wounded, spoke to the crowd that still remained, saying, solemnly and slowly: "Well, gentlemen, this ere scrap has taught me one thingw
 "What was that, Uncle Jerry?" asked chorus of bystanders.
 Uncle Jerry" pulled himself up to his full frontier height, and, after a pause long enough to prepare us for a speech oracular in patriarchal wisdom, replied:
 Ut has taught me, gentlemen, never to decline drink"
 He had been watching the poker game, and just after he had risen from his seat and had started to the bar at Tom Collins invitation to drink, the ball had opened and the bullet which finally lodged in the piaao-keys passed through the back of his then vacant chair.-C. Overton, in San Francisco Argonaut.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02

Then, in conference committee sat the democrats at last, and the noises of the conflict rivaled steam sirens blast. All the democrats were quar- reling, and the echoes of the fray travelled up the cable car track to the white house far away. Members from the house grew angry. Word came from the president, but the senators responded that they didn't give a cent" Difficulties grew as many as the bones in Taunton shad, but no- body could discover that the trusts were feeling bad
 Democrats with wrath grew purple and they even weep with grief. At the white house they hold counsel, but cen there find no relief. Smeared with scandal, gross and tainted is the senate tariff bill, but the house is al- most ready to take down the bitter pill. So the trusts are suavely patient and await the certain end, for the house's will is weaker and in time will surely bend. So the house still chafes and mutters and the president is sad, but nobody has discovered that the trusts are feeling bad.
 Still, the peoples turn is coming and it will not be so long ere the trusts that now are gleeful will discover something wrong; for the ballot box can even bend stubborn senate's will, and republicans will surely draw up the next tariff bill Germans bill with all its scandals, all its jobberies and deals, all it's grossest imperfec- tions, all its pickings and its steals" will be wiped out of existence, and the nation will be glad, and at last twill be discovered that the trusts are feeling bad. Boston Advertiser.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02
The Secret Safe.

And you ask me to marry you!" ex- claimed the proud beauty, scornfully. You! Hiram links, would not for the world have any of my friends know you have subjected me to this humili- ation!' ''Then we'll not say anything about it, Miss Rocksey," said Hiram, looking about for his hat. Great Scott! You can't feel any more sneak in over it than I do."-Chicago Trib- una
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02
A Wise Scarecrovs.

q say," said the tramp to the scare crow, let's swap clothes"
 Not l." said the scarecrow, "Fact is, it would never do."
 Why not?" said the tramp.
 ''Wcll, the crows, seeing me, are scared. They think I'll run after 'em. But if they thought I was like you they'd know I'd rather fall asleep. tell you, old man, crows know a thing or two. They judge by appearances. :" -Harper's Young People.
The Coconino weekly sun., 1894-08-02
A Rapid Transit.

"How long did it take you to cross the ocean?" asked Gus De Smith of a. very aristocratic young lady from Eu- rope.
 ''I was seven days on the water"
 "Seven days? Why, when my brother went across it took him eight days"
 Probably your brother went over in the steerage. was first cabin passen- ger," she replied, proudly.-Tammany Times