The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1894-12-10
THE MAJOR ESCAPED.

If ever there was foreordained old
bachelor, that man was MAJOR Teller
He was dapper, thin little man.
something under feet in height, with
glossy black wig, ~osely trimmed
side whiskers, and costume so daintily
neat that he reminded you of shining
black cat.
1t was high noon on sparkling
windy March day when Major Teller
came homo to the antique down town
boarding house where he had vegetated
for the last 20 years and went to his
room to brush his wig for the midday
meal. Opening the door, he stumbled
over an obstacle in the way
"Oh, beg your pardon, I'm sure .
said the major, turning very red and
recovering his footing with difficulty.
1t was Miss Patience Pettigrew, on
her hands and knees, cleaning off the
oilcloth at the door
Now, the major was afraid of Miss
Patience-afraid of her as the plump
lamb fears the gaunt wolf or the unof-
Tending robin the dire serpent.
Miss Patience was tall and lean and
sallow, but she curled her hair, and
wore an artificial rose over her left ear,
and sang little whistling tunes to a lit
tie spindle legged piano, and firmly be-
lieved that if she only waited little
longer she should get married to some
body.
Its of no consequence, major, said
Miss Patience, recovering her piece of
soap which had skirmished out to the
middle Of the carpet
THANK you -
81 do wonder, major, " said Miss Pa
thence, with a premonitory giggle why
you never got married. -
The major retired precipitately be-
hind the coal scuttle and made no re
ply.
"You d be SO much more comfortable
you know" added Miss Patience.
Dear me, that was a very narrow es-
cape . thought our hero, emerging from
his sanctuary. Some day she'll be too
much for me. I'll look for a new place
tomorrow
Dear me, major, you have no appe-
tite, said Miss Patience sweetly at
the dinner table.
"No, ma am, said the major
Don't you know, major. people will
say you are in love if you don't eat
more?'
Il won't 90 back to that house if l
can help it," thought Major Teller
brushing the cold dew away from his
forehead with crimson handkerchief
"Her intentions are serious; | know
they are.
And the major in his innermost mind
reviewed the catechism and hymns he
had learned as a child, trying to think
if there was not some invocation partic-
ularly suited to an elderly gentleman in
great peril and perplexity.
S 20 years since I've been in the
inside of church, = thought the peni-
tent old offender Il wish | had gone a
little more regularly. | wonder if its
too late i'll life to reform. "
For the major, poor old gentleman.
had vague idea that religion would
be a sort of safeguard against the wills
of his fair enemy.
AS MAUI itlltI Wa II dllllCdl4N IT
volving these things in his mind he
came to sudden and involuntary stand
still. There was a crowd gathered in
the street-a fallen omnibus horse, or an
arrested pickpocket. or some other nu
cleus
Now, of all things, Major Teller most
dreaded crowd, and he looked around
,,arHrAvslx Gov IF
An old fashioned church, with omen
doors and some sort of service : =
on inside, caught the major eye IL
made an instantaneous dart for its huge
gothic portals, shielded by inner doors
of green haize
The church was very warm and the
light, softened ty purple and golden
and crimson glass, was dim. and the cler-
gyman 5 voice rather monotonous and
Major Teller was unconsciously becom-
ing rather G-owsy, when plump old
lady came in, and the sexton bcckoned
him from his seat
But the sermon was over. and people
We're streaming down the aisle, and the
major felt that he did not care to pro-
long the thing, and that he had done
very laudable act in coming to church
and
Even while these ideas We're passing
indistinctly through his brain he was
borne toward the altar in an upward
eddy of the crowd and felt gaunt arm
thrust through his
Protect me- majorl" whispered Miss
Patience Pettigrew I'm so feared in
a crowd always.
The major strove to withdraw his
arm, but Miss Pettigrew would not let
him. They were standing directly in
front of the altar arm in arm The min
lister, old and nearsighted and little
deaf, advanced probably concluding
that his services were required
Major Teller's blood ran cold fle
tried to protest, hut his tongue seemed
paralyzed. Miss Pettigrew had captured
him rs lamb fer the slaughter. and
where was the use of further struggle:
A few words-an appalinely brief
ceremony-and Major Teller was mar
ried to Miss Patience.
Take the market basket my dear.
said the gaunt bride land stay-you d
better carry the umbrella too. Well
go night Nome Old folks like you mi