New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1894-12-30
HONEYMOON TALK.
SOME IRREGULARITIES OF MATRIMoNY.

SOME IRREGULARITIES OF MATRIMONY. !
From The Pail Mall Budget
Let me begin with apology. II Evaneeiine
"oodruH should see what Is written here and rec.
oghize herself, she must suspect me of listening
at doors II Is the fault OF her house. or of the
architect who designed it, or Of the builder who exc
cuted 1t, that acquired the following formation:
ana IN publishing 1t am moved by no desire to
reveal her domestic privacies but purely by feel
ing 'hat sumcient justice has not been done to q
curious feature in matrimonial pathology
EVangelIne, should explain, is ex-student Of
Newman. SIX years ago she played a capital game
or tennis rode to hounds In vacation and took very
fair honors In history. No In this world ever
mad such a contempt for phiandering, or such a
profound disgust for the naseres OF lovers as She
six years ago, ben entendu. and at Newman.
have been spending week with her since her
marriage. at jolly little riverside residence all
stucco. veranda and folding doors. The desk at
which used to write looked out over the veranda
on to lawn. and next to 1t was the library open-
ing out the same way. l mention this fact not In ,
order to complain that my host and hostess usually
sat In there together. for II part OF my bargain
that should be left good deal alone; but by way
Of explanation how I came to overhear so much Of
what they said. 1t began In this wise: Her husband
walked UP from the garden. where he had dutfuy
smoked his morning cigar. stepped into the library
without noticing me- and exclaimed in the
emphasized tones Of grat1ed infant, "Oh pity
bookelats" No response followed. and he repeated
more insIstngly. Pity bookelatsw Yes. dar-
ling" came the reply then. soothingly uttered (as
by mother attempting to quiet her child, pity
too!clatsw
hammered my brains over this. but could make
nothing OF It, At luncheon / inquired with not too
pointed curiosity What are bookelats?" An I'M
comfortable flush crept over my pair OF lovers, who
smiled in an awkward way; and Evangeline replied,
q IF oDo's ffo MIA
calls books by that name. 1t corruption orig
inally of want a book to-look-at'"
was enlightened In a sense; but still could not
why they should wish to talk like Toms little
niece. The hint had given them. however. took no
effect That afternoon 1 heard the loving
spouse, in an irritating voice. request her dotng
lord TO 'opee door" for her. the latter announce his
intention OF going tata in re gardney" and finally
a whole conversation, far as can remember az
follows:
She's rahzer duck. sink" SOS he"
shes re biggest duck" Hes silly blister"
SOS She" ''Theys bofe babies anyhow"
"Dam-fool babies" NO, not dam-fool babies. nice
babies
This interesting duologue came an end abruptly,
l suspect for purposes of OSCILLATION, leaving me
gasping Why | pondered. should two normal,
healthy. people. who have been married five
months at least and cut their honeymoon teeth. 60
in that ridiculous way? But. IL have exagger-
aed aught OF what fell upon my ears. may I be
doomed TO marry myself and to speak that language
all the days of my lfe
From inquiries begin to suppose that 1t is q
common enough practice; yet for my soul 1 cannot \
the rationale of addressing a grown person as II
ne or she a baby in arms. however much you
love them Fancy accosting stranger with 'Peese
as once heard one of this couple remark imagine
the effect. II stranger did II 10 Evangeline I
its nauseatng power when applied by the object Of
your so,caed Affections Can an emetic change
In public Evangeline and her husband perfectly
sensible and well behaved. gifted with abundance
whether to suspect that this external propriety is
mask that newly married couples wear in order to
whether It is the other phase that is to make
swear good coinage in private and exchange bat
tered currency OF multi lated sixpences: On the whole
confess for all my scoihns. does il sound so con-
does when reduced to the ' formal level Of prn
am the more ANXIOUS to MAXI this point clear mas;
have even caught myself at odd moments thinking.
craa au pas Of TIKI an s the Of the
time | have been conscious that my mouth was
pne bbuRa a Horaee pSs m
know nstinctively just how those two great babies
and can almost foreteli their respective attitudes;
but will not betray confidence too far.
habit OF speech-for. OF course. it is nothing more
is funny or disgusting. ! know Tom Woodruff well
to efemlnacy or insanity. He is a rather brilliant
he was bestrewing so much admiration / afterward
discovered TO be newly bound set OF Herbert Spen-
GER in morocco. embracing the scattered contribu-
lions OF that profound thinker his wonderful
system OF Synthetic Philosophy Evangeline's
antecedents l have already denoted. At the same
time II cannot be denied that nine people OF ten
who heard them going on as have described would
despise them. and probably recommend speedy in
began after while from my occasional caves
droppnss, TO compile sort of new Lovers Lexi-
con-. or English She is Broke; but examina-
ton | found that the number OF ideas capable Of
being expressed in baby language did not amount
TO above half-a-dozen at the most. II love YOU
words We're therefore merely synonyrnes for one an
other and were introduced evidently to give a tone
proach would be expressed by such INTERCHANGEABLE
terms as "beast-grl" naughty, bad grille" SIM
ally pleased with hemseves) more often than not
by the negatives of these expressions mot naughty
II put in the interrogative the words did for
s ad had 6 be ted .
miraton would be SATISFIED Displeasure was
ranging up the gamut threats OF ''s.seamins'
But the synonymes for endearment-the word is too
mild "endarngment' would be better-swamped
all the foregoing for number and choice. The root
heart" sweetheart" "sweet-leIn," and sweet
ss ns s on the snS Of the
dear pref and heart. with their German equivalents
oups OF Similar appeatve io eyer rSese
erms are purely the offspring of adult minds soft
nothing so much as the sush OF a London street
caused by deluge OF brine upon the crisp VIRGIN
snow. They are the language OF the nursery to
seed.
The truth Is that adults. however much they NAV
wish to. cannot talk babies talk to each other
Babies are humorous and inventive: adults are imi-
ays and Therefore desads lent Leigh some
mothers have Of coinng little baby words and
sounds. I feel that the babies despise those
efforts intensely, II they take the trouble to lis
ten to them. ] thought l would give my friend
Evangeliue warning how nonsensca her prattle
must sound to Others so ventursd one day to In
troduce at table the ancient anecdote about DR.
Johnson and the poor woman TO whom he gave a lift
In his coach. The woman was carrying baby, and
the photographer said to her sterny. cycling the
seeing infant: Madam / surmise that this joltng
will presently awaken your infant II you utter one