The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1894-01-19
THE WALLFLOWER.
Iwish 1 was dead!


am % years old. l never really NO
ticed it till now. am perfectly sound in
limb and wind, as they say of horses;
can't find wrinkle or q crowsfoot on my
! face, If look ever so hard; could dance
all night without stopping-but no mat
teri have had my day, and the sooner /
realize the fact the better.
suppose / oughtn't to complain. I've
had good time on the whole came out
and was made fuss about, and lots of
! people felt in love with me-and that's al
ways supposed, to be pleasant Not for
them, poor thingsl but then no woman
ever thinks of that.
I've danced and firted and gossiped and
amused myself generally and made bust
ness of pleasure. If the dancing shoes I've
worn out were collected, what a heap
there would bel And all the frocks I've
worn and torn and put my foot through,
and the bouquets I've ruined, and the
compliments I've had, and the offers I've
refused! Oh, yes, was a success, not
doubt of it!
And now what's the good of it alli I've
made certain number of people quite
miserable, but I've never been in love my
self, not really-except perhaps
l was very heartless. I've been told
times out of number that l had "no
heart" Men always say that when girl
refuses them to save their own vanity but
in my case dare say it was true.
Well nobody cares now if have a heart
or not. It's all different. have got Ger
tain number of friends whose step suits
mine, who ask me for dances, but without
enthusiasm, and talk to me Of this or
that "dear little thing over there who is
enjoying herself sop' They say I'm a
"good sort" and a "real friend" A
friendI What has friendship to do in
ballroomH
l can see the ballroom reflected in the
mirror here How nice and cool the glass
is to my hot cheek What fool I must
look-only there is nobody can see me,
and if they did they wouldn't care. No
body misses me. There's Laura Grayl She
tries to be the good Samaritan of the ball
room. Don't let me catch her eye, or she
will come and throw me castoff partner
of her own. She's kind girl, Laura, but
don't want charity dances. should say
I was engaged. will not dance with vet
trans or boys. I had rather sit out
How decidedly melancholy dance music
isl / never noticed it 80 much before. !
could lie down on the floor this very min
ute and howl, if were 10 lot myself go.
Suppose l were to cross the room and
talk to Mrs. Flemingi Anything TO seem
occupied Nc, see she IL asleep, and il
she were not she would only tell me Of
Violet's Projections. l see them-every-
body sees them. Oh, dear
There is Violet, with John Forrest. He
is looking at her exactly as he used to
look at me, eight years ago. Why 6i6 we
QUARREL Ny fault, begin to tAiak. l
suppose it was, but l know l felt very
much in tho right Mt the time. am not
sure new if-and he kRB not said more
than three words to me sincel IT'S rather
awkward We have to go ca meeting, rs
we move in the Gnne sets, and both he and
hate fuss. Oh, the world, the woTldl
Anything not to have people talk. But
he has never forgiven me. II he were to
ask me for dance now, should think
the end of the world had come. needn't
be afraid, thought was much too horrid.
Sometimes lately have thought that
he would be glad to--oh, it's just my fan
cyl And don't want him to eitherl
wonder if he really cares for Violet
Fleming? She's delightfully."- young and
naive and enthusiastic. / know he thinks
so, but she has the reddest arms ever
saw
Oh, don't let me be spiteful!
know that cadence. The waltz is near
ly over. They will all come by. That's
the most awful moment of all wish
was talking to Mrs Fleming! 1t ia so
hateful to have to try to look uncon-
cerned and as if / We're sitting here be-
cause preferred it.
Oh, l can't bear it! I'll marry. III
marry Mr.. Brown. He adores me-he is
only waiting, as Herbert's poem says:
That WEAKNESS may toss me to his breast.
shall condescend to let him see that
don't absolutely dislike him. l shall mar
ry him and live in the country! How ter
riblel But it's the only way out of it for
mel
Yes, for me, but for him! don't love
him. How could l? should have to tell
him, and even Mr.. Brown is not so alb
ject as to marry woman who tells him
point blank that she can only promise to
tolerate him! Aud if l don't tell him
it would be mean.
No, I'll go into a convent. How dull
Not so dull as marrying Mr.. Brown
though.
Here they all comel l must try to look
unconcerned l know every stick of my
fan by heart, bit 1 will pretend it inter-
ests me deeply. I can see over the top of
it.
Here's the first coupled Billy Danvers
and Miss Forrest! l was his first love, and |
he's trying hard to make Grace Forrest |
think she is Let him!
Mrs. Jenkyn and our host She's wild
ow. l wish some one would make me a
widow. What am saying? But she's 10 |
years older than am and she laughs like |
a child. That's the good of being widow |
Here's Mr. Hastings. He really was in |
love with me once, so now he detests me. |
"a man scorned" is much worse than |
woman scorned. He won't even look at |
me. No-straight past!
Why, here's Violet with Mr.. Darcy l |
thought she was dancing with John For
restl And John Forrest-alonel
May you have a dance, Mr.. Forrest? l |
-I-yes, certainly. The next?-the next |
but one
Oh, good heavensl The end of the world |
Or the Observation-Disclosures and White.