The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1894-02-08
POTTS. VALENTINE

know that am married man. |
acknow leuge it freely. am sorry for
it. and would gladly change it, but
change of that kind is scarce. scarcer
even than scrip.
1t i, enc of the problems Of life the
way Il woman will hang to man after
she gets him. and how dreadful lOath
she will apDcai. 10 be to have him while
he is trying to court her.
Now. there wa Mrs. Potts. Before
married her | Us ed to have to coax
her three or four hours to permit me
TO pres, my iub; lips to hers. and after
got Il ntlstarhe, and was dying to know
how it Won d seem to kiss a woman with
one on. had to promise her new set
of jcwelry to let me find out. And
after that she acted as if she had as
much curiosity to find out as had. |
coaxed her to marry and she said she
didn't want to marry. She had decided
to live an old maid.
Now, when / would be glad to per-
suadc her to live Il life of silgle-bless-
e mess she won't be persuaded. She
says she ha got used to hearing some
bdy shore, and she I'll. uldn know
how to get along without the old famil-
lar sound.
If it bc true that she hears snoring,
she must hear herself, for | am posi-
tive | never snOre. No, never. If |
did should have heard it before now,
Of course.
Mrs. Pott. is i'm the habit of repri-
manding me for being too boyish for IL
married man. | like Il little bachelor
party now and then. like, once in a
while to 90 where / know no woman
will ever come. 1t sort of rests fell
low tiat has been nagged for years.
NO disre pee. meant to the ladies' Not
Ivy any means. They are all angels.
but then one might wear! OF the socie-
ty of angels if one liked to smoke AMI
take a little brandy occasionally. Be-
caus angels are Mt supposed to smoke
or drink No disre,pect to angels.
either.
February the fourteenth was great
day for Purdy. 1t was the anniversary
of the birth of Purdy's twins. He is
pr. Il lie: of tn sc twins than Il cat would
be of two tails. Well, it is every man $
duty. as citizen and II Christian, to
b. proud of twins. They count high,
as doub!ets do in backgammon.
Mrs. Purdy and Mrs. Potts, on Val
cntne's Day, took the twins out to
their grandmother's and Purdy and |
had an oyster supper ut the Red Mans
Lodge. with some champagne and a
sprinkling of brandy.
1t was all on account of the twins,
you know, and if any blame is to be at
tachcd to anybody, blame the twins.
We all sung songs and told some
stories and smoked a box of cigars.
aud then We began TO go home. / say
began. for it was work Of time. The
sidewalks were SO COMPOUNDED slippery.
and our boots were just like the side
walks They do make such uncommon
slippery boots nowadays.
And Pllrdy and | were tired. too. 1t
il tircsome work t. make speeches
and shake hands with your friends
who congratulate you on having twins
1t is true had no twins myself, but
sympa,hized with Purdy. and emit ,red
into the Misunderstanding with spirit.
turdy sat down several times to rest
On the way home. and he Rugged a
policeman who told Us to move on, and
told him he had got twins. The po-
lccman said. Hang the twins" and
went his way.
purdv couldn't find his front door
keyholc, and ! seemed to have forgot
ten all about where his front door was.
and we concluded to go into my hou g
round.
1t was about eleven o'clock. and al
most time to expect our wives home
with the twins. We made our toilet
foi. them. curled my hair. and put
some of Araminta Maud's Bloom of the
Lily on nv cheeks and nose. which the
cold winter zephyrs had made purple
red Cold weather ruins Il Elaa : COM
plexion. Purdy washed his face in
cologne. and p, u,ed some in his hand
kerchiof. but it turned out that there
was hair dye in the cologne bott Q, and
Pu. dy : face was just the color of ma
hogany. The deuce ia ie the women.
W no else but Il woman would ever
have thought Of putting hair dye in a
cologne bottle TO dc, Give innocent men
and trusting servant-girls:
Just As furdy had finished wipir 9
eff as much As he could of the dye. on
Mrs. Potts muslin gown. which hung
on a chair to air, my eye fell on large
package addressed to myself.
i. ioTrS. ESo. VALENTINE
"Nei.r says /. ~ valentine for YOU
Potts, my 10y. II am married, the ladies
do not neglect me. WAT can it be-"
"a addressing gown" said PurIy, lean
ing over to examine the hundle: hut h.
leaned too far. and his head mere than
balanced his heels, and he came doa II
worNhasket and his head in the wash.
bowl
We 5ished him out. he and /. and then we
o; aned the bundle. 1t was good >ixe,
red glannel pett.coat with L label pinned
to 1t. which read thus:
eP. Observation-Disclosures Petticoa1
Government"
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