Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-05-24
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
Sprinkles of Spice.

SprinlSles of Spice.
The man who loves tobacco only
to smoke will take snuff when it
comes to pinch. -Picayune
A BLIND man who desires to build
house has an insurmountable obsta-
Gle to encounter; he can't get his site.
Lowell Courier.
CITY MINIsTER-Do you preach
without notes? Country Minister
Not entirely so. I get a SIS note once
in a while. Omaha Bee.
HOFFMAN HowEs-"Haven't seen
Dick at the club lately" Puttson
Calls-"No: he's engaged But he's
to be married soon. Puck.
CLAR1BEL-Do you think l would
marry Smith if l wanted to spite
Jones? Marie-Certainly not. You'd
marry Jones. Detroit Tribune.
"THEY say that money is drug in
the market" "Yes, but the trouble
is one has to have a pres ription in
order to get it. "-Brooklyn Life.
You can learn from any three sing
ers in church ouartette just what
the trouble with the fourth singer in
the quartette is.-SOmerville Jour
nal
ThoUGHTso--"Smith is quite an
ardent fisherman. isn't he?" Muse
well, yes; he always takes some Of
the ardent with him. Detroit Free
Press.
SHE-"How the fashions change"
He-"There isn't much change in the
pocketbooks, except they are worn
shorter and lighter this year. Texas
Siftings.
AT juvenile ball: He with mas
cent down on upper lip)-"Have you
often wished you were a MANI" She
Sweet sixteen)-"Ah! yes-and you?S
It'd Bits.
81 TELL you, Bronson, there is moth
ing improbable to jealous woman.
with one exception, / agree with
you. The exception is the truth. p
Harper's Bazaar.
THERE is young man in Troy so
careful that in calling on his girl he
always knocks, for fear if he came
with ring she might consider it a
proposal. -Hariem Life.
HARVEY LAwToN says that baby
is "a new wave on the ocean Of life. !"
Mrs. LawtOn, perhaps, thinks that
fresh squall would express il better.
-Horned-E Eagle Optic.
FIRST BARNsToRMER-"An may
ask, me boy, what is your favorite
role?" Second Barnstormer-"By my
faith, l will freely tell you. IT'S the
payroll. "-Pittsburg Bulletin.
JARVIS lin sucprise) Why, Jen-
kins, is that you? / heard you were
killed. Jenkins (sadly)-No; it was
my brother. Jarvis (thoughtlessly)
Too bad-too bad!-Exchange.
TEACHER-Spell then" Bessie
Jagged 6)-T-h-e-n. Teacher-Now,
when the 1t" is taken away, what
remains? Bessie-Dirty cups and
saucers mostly. -Philadelphia Rec
ord.
MRS. NoRRIs-"Since / have been
married I have had only one wish I'M
gratified. Mr.. Norris-"And what
is that, my dear?" Mrs. Norris
THAT l were single again. It'd
Bits.
SOMETIMES, said Uncle Eben, "er
man f1attahs hisse'f dat he's feelin'
sympathy wifi de unfortunate, when
he's jis drorin' comparisons. an con.
gratulatin' hsse'f." - Washington
Star.
TEACHER-"An axiom is self-eyi-
dent truth. Whatever goes up is
sure to come down. Us that an ak
iom?" Boy-"Guess so-unless folks
is talkin' about the price of coal -
Good News.
SALLY GAY-"What a cunning lit.
tie fellow Mr.. Calllpers is" Dolly
Swift-"Cunning? Why, he's dread
full bow-legged." Sally Gay-"Ye,.
but that gives him such an arch look,
you know. Truth.
A BooK-AGENT attempted to sell a
Frankfort politician an encyclop edia.
Encyclopaedia" exclaimed the Frank
ford man. "No! don't want it.
Wouldn't have time to ride it >
Philadelphia RECORD.
A LITTLE Tioga girl whose papa
was taking a tonic because he was
run down" poured half the contents
of the bottle into the clock when a
similar mishap befell the timepiece.
Philadelphia Record.
Mr.. BLUNT-"My dear count, you
remind me Of watermelon. Count
I'm vat way?" Mr.. Blunt-"Al-
though you are very seedy, you are
admitted into our best families with
out question. Texas Siftings.
WHAT MORE COULD BE EXPECTED?
Does this new photograph of mine
do me justice, love?' said Miss Gid
dey to her dearest friend. Il does
more, +" replied Miss Flypp. Its re.
ally merciful to you. "-Harper's Ba,
Ear.