Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-12-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Biologists report that their collec-
tions are hard.
Penitence is very apt to follow pun
ishment.-Judge.
A word from the wise is often all
we care to hear.-Puck.
For one man who can stand PROS
| perity there are ten who would like to
try.-Puck.
Don't get too far ahead of the times,
or you will not be able to help them
catch up.-Puck.
Rich people always have poor rela-
tions; but poor people are not always
blessed with rich relatives.
Jones-"Have you registered?"
Miss Antique (alleged to be only twen-
ty)-"Sir "-Chicago Record.
While opportunity awaits every
man, it does not put in it's leisure time
blowing Milwaukee Journal.
Each morning, evening and noon,
He's played for many moons;
And though he's always out Of tune,
He's never out of tunes.
Truth.
The only persons who should be aI-
lowed to hold up trains are the women
who persist in wearing them. Albany
Argus.
Politics are full of uncertainties.
To-day man is on the stump and next
week he may be oil up tree. Boston
Transcript.
Young Chip-"W "What causes so much
sickness, father?" Old Block-''Too
much talking about it, my son. Dos.
ton Courier.
Why is it that a woman always uses
more common sense in dealing with
another's love affair than with her
own?-Albany Argus.
"The pen Is mightier than the sworl,"
Thus said man who'd gons
Aud made a million selling pork
To feed the soldiers on.
Detroit Free Press.
The first time man goes out hunt.
ing his wife has so much confidence in
him that she doesn't buy any meat for
supper. --Atchison Globe.
If these fat Georgia hickory nuts
would only crack wide open when
they drop what great country this
would be Atlanta Constitution.
Many man will humbly tell you
that he cuts no ice; but he always
harbors different opinion when he
gets skate on. Adams Freeman.
O man Poor mani
Your life Is but n span
Yet while you live you seem
At least six-horse team.
Lord Duffer-''You're girl after
my heart" Miss Price ':And you're
man after my money" Engage
ment not announced. )-Boston Bud
get.
He-"Why do you wish you had
been born man?" Shea man hos
some one big annoyance every day.
while woman suffers from forty odd
little ones. Puck.
81 may tell you at once that can
put up with everything except answer
ing back" "Oh, madam sure that's
just like myself. We shall get on
splendidly. lie Figaro.
"Why don't you drop me line oc-
casionally, Mattie?' asked the forward
young man. 'Line's busy" replied
the telephone girl in an abstracted
manner. Boston Transcript.
"Do you think Skinner can make q
living out there?" ''Make living?
Why, he'd make living on rock in
the middle of the ocean If there was
another man on the rock. "-Philadel-
phia Record.
sis it true that Houser is hustling
for the postoflice?" "Guess it is. l
heard his wife tell him if he didn't
get her letter mailed inside of twenty
minutes she'd know tho reason why"
Buffalo Courier.
Income tax Assessor "You can't
claim exemption, Mr.. Smiles. Why.
man, you must spend $1,000 year the
way you live" Smiles--'I know
that, sir, but 1 live beyond my in
come. "-Harper's Bazaar.
A composer in this town wrote sew
eral dead marches and could not find
a publisher. He sent them to Phila-
delphia. They were at once accepted
and published; and they are now used
by the local bends as quicksteps. =
Boston Journal.