New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-02-21
A LETTER FROM BILL NYE.
Reports to Wealthy Insurance Man Of
st. Paul That he Had Good Time in
England but America is Good
H.. Enough for Him.
Refreshing Humor on Various Subjects
from the Prince of Humorists.

Bill Nye's letters for. publication are
usually written for $50 to 500 a column.
He sometimes drops into prose and
poetry for the benefit Of personal friends
A St. Paul friend of Bills read in
New York paper a few weeks ago that
the festive humorist was disporting him
self in London, and accordingly wrote
him letter. The St. Paul man is
person Of large wealth, But as time
hangs heavily without occupation he be-
came connected with one of the life in
surance agencies, and dispenses the gen.
lal tontine as missionary work, not for
the money there is in it. It occurred to
him it might be good idea to have Bill
do some missionary work in London and
he sent the genial humorist lot of in
surance literature, at the same time sug-
costing that he, Bill, write Gladstone,
Wales, Labouchere and a few more bright
lights of Britain. Bill received the let
ter after his return from Soudan. He
replies in his characteristic way as fol-
lows:
Watertown, N. Y, Feb. 10; 1894 t.
My Dear -: Your letter regarding
insurance and things, addressed to me
care Authors Club, in London, returned
looking sea-sick and pale yesterday. Had
I received it while there I could have
secured Gladstone, Jerome, Besant, Doyle
and Sir Arthur Sullivan on the tontine.
Had them where they would have had to
"tont'' or beg.
Now am doing the big, poorly venti-
lated east. We got frozen audience
here for the first on the whole seasons
list. I went out to the foot-lights and
said, "Good evening, STRIP But no one
laughed. That's the way with people
who are brought up on Nine Rentz's
Female mins,rels and Old Times cellar
door.
Why should you ask me how Fame
feels? .:'~ = -st TIM to n>..rrt;jn
anu if I dc ':l a moment for that
purpose find some other mans hand
stroking her hair. To tell you the truth
I care more for my watermelons on my
upright farm, and the sweat breath of
the two-year- steer which I ride to
and from the mill than do for the cat
ty' smelling palaces of princes and the
pomp and hauteur which compels me to
sit for hours in the presence of royalty
when my wisdom teeth are all afoat.
I had a good time; a great big good
time. with food, lodging, wine and song,
and riding hither and yon on the rail
ways, Once on Candlemas day I rode
from London to the country seat of q
ducal chum for week at his shooting
box. We went via the London & North
western railway. Labouchere and Bat
tenberg had the pleasure of accompany
ing me. elbow dye like the Northwes.
tern?" Battenherg asked. 80, I think it,
the best road under the sum- "Su,
fine coaches" says Labby, eyes" says
"And the up'olstry!" says "Bat." eyes,
says I. s'The scenery through some parts
of Wisconsin, tie rapid motion, the safe
ty, the splendid smooth road bed and the
charming breakfasts just before we
reach Chicago"
"Ow! Who said anything about Wis
consin?'' exclaimed Labby. 81 was speak
ing about the Northwestern, the London
& Northwestern at. ~.
''That's Different says /. s'There's
only one Northwestern, and hi thought
heveryone knew it was in the States. Hit
you hare speaking of the London &
Northwestern hallow me to hadd," says
I, with much 'Autenr; "these little dry
goods boxes on wheels which you call
coaches are hall right, so far as they
go; hand your road bed is smooth: But
o, the dull, deceased deafness Of the
landscape, and the crowded aspect 0
things. No, proud h'elitor, your North
wester is falr sort of road. Blu
there's only one Northwestern saying
which | relapsed into Punch, and dill
gently sought for joke,
I trust, my dear you will no
print this letter. Mr.. Teasdale Nigh
think wanted an annual, when, as
matter of fact, few sstrips'' during tn
season will suffice, if am in the North
western territory during the year.
am glad to be back in the States
There's no home like my own home
(says to myself.
Across the dark blue sea,
The land of beauty and of worth
The bright land Of the frees s
Where royal foot hath never trod
Nor bigot forged a chain.
Oh, would that | were safely bacl
(says to myself while waving at III