The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-08-11


great admiration for his mother,
and yet there are times when she is
compelled TO punish him. Such a
thing occurred the other day.
Now" said she, after she had
concluded a vigorous spanking for
willfulness, II hope you have changed
your mind"
mo, mamma" he sobbed. II al
ways said I'd rather be spanked by
you than kissed by any other lady in
town, and think so yet. Detroit
Free Press.
AN ExrRAoRDISARY WOMAN.
The Friend-Have you seen your
husbands mother yet?
The Bride-I have, and she is the
most extraordinary woman / ever
heard of.
The F.-How is that?
The B.-Why, she thinks me good
enough for her son.-[New York
Press.
NUMBERING HIM.
A local band was one day playing
at Dunfermline, when an old weaver
came up and asked the bandmaster
what that was they were playing.
That is The Death Of Nelson
solemnly replied the bandmaster.
"Ay, man." remarked the weaver,
I'VE hae glen him an awfu' death. -
Dundee News.
ANGULAR.
clara-You want to be careful,
dear, when you have on your new
wrap, not to lean your shoulder
against anything.
Maude-Why?
Clara-You might make a hole in
it.-IPhiladelphia Life.
CELTIC PHILOSOPHY.
Brannigan-There's another wan o.
them rich banker fellers, as has just
lost two million dollars in wan day.
McManus-Begob, an it's better
than if it happened to a poor workin'
mon Truth.
CAREFUL HORACE.
The stately steamer ploughed it's
way through the blue waves OF Lake
Michigan; "Oh, Horace! !" moaned
the young bride, who a moment be-
fore had paced the deck with smiling
face and love-lit eye, the happiest of
the happy, II feel so queer! Let
Inc lean on your shoulder"
mo, dearest, don't do that" ex-
claimed Horace, hastily; lean over
the side Of the steamer. - Chicago
Tribune.
EASILY EXPLAINED.
Henderson-Why did they turn
Skinner out of the church?
Williamson-He sold the pastor a
horse.-[Life.
THE PLACE TO FIND 1T.
America has no standing army,
believe" said the foreigner.
Its clear you haven't spent
much time in the street cars of this
great country" replied the native
Truth.
TRULY PENITENT.
The Judge-I should think you
would be sorry for having SO far for
gotten yourself as to throw plate at
your wife.
The Prisoner (penitently)-I am,
your honor; that plate cost ten
cents Buffalo Courier.
NAMING HER POISON.
"If YOU were about to commit sui
eide" said thel lpale, mournful girl,
what poison would you select?"
II would select tyrotoxicon, a poi
son which l understand is obtainable
only in ice cream" replied the girl
to whom life is pleasure. = New
York Sun.
IN THE PROFESSIONAL SLANG.
The Sarcastic transformers (afteS
the bombardment from the gallery
Il have eggs enough now, thank
you, Will no one send up an accom-
panying ham?
The Gallery with emphasis)-It's
on the stage now. -IChicago Record.
The REToRT COURTEOUS.
She-But how can you think I'm
pretty, when my nose turns up so
dreadfully?
He-Well, all | have to say is, that
it shows mighty poor taste in back
ing away from such a lovely mouth.
= Philadelphia Life.
MATTER OF QUESTION.
Maid-Please, ma'am, I'd like te
give you n weeks notice.
Mistress-Why, Mary, this is a
surprise. Do you hope to better
yourself?
Maid (blushing)-Well, not exactly
that. ma'am. I'm going to get mar
ried.- Truth.
THE WRETCH.
Fogg pretends % have made the
discovery that better half, refer
ring TO ones wife, was originally writ
ten bitter half That means
something, he says. The wretch
boston Transcript.