Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-05-03
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD By FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.

| "A Budget of Fun.
! HEROD's daughter was the first
woman to get head of a man.
Florida Times.
If you praise man to his wife you
may usually notice look Of surprise
on her face.-Atchison Globe.
By and by the American Indians
will have nothing but mental reserva-
tions to stand on. -Picayune.
"YoUR face is burning" ayes, that
beast Gauly has just been making
light of me. Boston Gazette
SHE-Have you got the Heavenly
Twins?" Clerk-Yes, ma'am, One
dollar She-What, for both?-Hallo.
ONE OF THE G1RLs-So you are
welded to music? He--Oh, dear, no!
/ am too much in love with it for
that. Life.
If you desire to see blue blood,
hunt him up early in the morning
after he has been out all night
Dallas News.
TIE wag who spends his days trad
ing jokes at the expense of other
people must expect some boot. -Gal-
weston News.
BEING asked the name of the
worlds greatest composer, smart
university young man said, "Chloro-
form. "-Sjftings.
A PITTsBURG editor says: Illus
bands are not made to order" Well
bet he can't convince most wives they
are not.-Texas Siftings.
MAUD-"A horse race always ex-
cites me- Pm almost in tears at every
finish" Dan-"Why, I thought you
won occasionally" -Gotham.
EXPLAINED a wonder
what is pulling those trolley cars?"
B'jones-"Why? Have you never
heard of wirepulling?"-Hallo.
AMY-"Jack, l hear that you are
out a great deal of nights now"
Jack-"Oh, no. I'm seldom out more
than SO" -Pittsburg Bulletin.
JOY seldom kills pusson, but
there are thousand Nv pussons who
are tryin' tew squeeze the life eout
Nv Joy ev'ry minute Nv th're lives
Boston Courier.
mine is indeed hard life," sigh
ed the ossified man, with an envious
glance at the fat woman, who seemed
to be having such a soft time of it,
Buffalo Courier.
MR.. GUsHER Ga self-satisfled bore)
Il can tell just what people are
thinking of me- Miss Pert-lndeed!
| Mt no
you!-Brooklyn Life.
MRS. BRIsE Cat the musicalei-"Oh,
Mrs. Mutt, l had SO much to say to
you, and the pianist is through"
Mrs. Nuit-"I'm just dying to hear it,
Let's encore him. Puck.
HE-"They met at the seaside.
Then commenced an acquaintance
that would soon have ripened into
love. But" She-"But what?" He
-"They married. Vogue.
AN Irish lawyer said to witness:
you're a nice fellow, amt you?"
Witness replied: Il am, sir; and if [
was not on my oath I'd say the same
OF you. "-Oakland Enquirer.
"Ir isn't the trouble man has in
meeting his bills that gives him a
careworn look" says philosopher.
at is the trouble he has in lodging
them. philadelphia Record.
TEACHER-"Now, remem Der, that
in order to become proficient vocal
ist you must have patience. Miss
Flipkins-"Yes; and SO must the
neighbors. Washington Star.
why did Priscilla Waldo break
her engagement with Johnny Lake
side?" "Johnny wrote a rhyme for
the Taller in which he rhymed Hope
with Penelope. "-Harper's Bazaar.
aYou say you have been in Kansas
City. suppose the place was built
almost wholly on bluffs. Il guess it
was. There seemed to be blamed
little money around. Buffalo Cour-
| Ter.
II HEAR your son has become an
actor; how is he getting on?" VERY
we'll indeed. He began as corpse,
and now he has already advanced to
the role of ghost "-Fliegende
Blaetter.
/ MRS. CALLAHAN-I want to get
| pair of shoes for the little boy.
| Shopman-French kid? Mrs. c. Gn-
dignantly) not! He's my
own son-born an bred near Tam
many Hall.-Harlem Life.
MRS. FIGG-What is the reason |
never see you playing with Jimmy
Briggs any more? Tommy-He ain't
| got no respect for fashions. He wants
| to be playin' marbles in top-spinnin'
| time. -Indianapolis Journal
Proc Sometimes the absolute
faith my boy has in my wisdom makes
me almost ashamed of myself. Potts
You need not worry. It will aver
age up all right. By the time he is
20 he will think you know nothing