The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-02-08
] KILOGRAMS DE MORTIUS
YELLOW ENVELOPES WHICH
CAUSE ANXIETY.
Some Very Funny Mixtures of Grief and
Bad English-How the Illiterate StruS-
glo With Telegraphic Forms-How
selhshness I5etrays Itself. Sc,


vate family unused to the sight of |
the easygoing, blue-coatcd messen- /
ger and his rough yellow envelopes |
is almost infinite and certainly in !
describable. To the monumental |
mind battle, murder or sudden death /
are the only occurrences which iusti- !
fly a recourse to the electric fluid as
means of conveying information,
and as Il result every telegram is re-
garded as destructive to domestic
happiness. The messenger boy
whose appearance at the door causes
the Lady of the house to shrek: I.A
telegram Somebody must be dead!'
soon grows blase under the exper-
ience. and nothing short OF n redue.
tiI5n in his salary or The assassina-
ton of the president would cause his
pulses to stir beyond their normal
rate. - 4
Yet, as a matter of fact, q iase>a
number of private kilograms Do re-
late to the three great events ia the
human pilgrimage birth, rnarriaGe
and death. OF the three, death mt,
nore into the Golfers e''i the telepranh
companies than the other two com
bined, says the Pb' lladelphia Times.
Inc ola saying tr lat "had news travels
Vulckly mas Q ne more notification in
she liuhoreo 5 of death messages sent
ny wire O. cry day. 1t is standing
jeSU IN telegraph Offices that moro
peoP' . die on Sunday than on any
otD' or day in the week; for in the alb
Yjnce Of the usual volume Of tele-
grams relating strictly to business
affairs, those announcing deaths and
!, funeral arrangements stand out with
unusual prominence, and their fro
quency becomes apparent.
II may seem sacreligious to say
., that many of the death kilograms"
sent over the wires have a grotesque
side, yet it is so. The hard-worked
operators who handle them cannot
avoid seeing it in all the rush, and
! many q smile goes round q telegraph
/ office over the uncouth way in which
sincere affection has been announced.
llliteracy accounts for many of these
gruesomely amusing announcements;
the mental agitation accompanying
the loss of relatives or friends &C.
counts for more; but there is un-
doubleday a certain percentage which
are ridiculous in CHASTITY fashion
because of ac,Lal hard-heartedness
on the part of the sender. TO the
last class, in all human probability
belongs the telegram sent by a
daughter to announce with Cheerful
: levity that Mamma kicked 11:3(
last night. We will try to make
burial on Monday" But such in
chances, naturally, are rare.
I 1t was illiteracy, together with ;
solemn sense that the occasion de
manded something extra in the way
of emotional expression tina
prompted Borrowing man to strug
:. gle over a telegraph form for fifteel
minutes and finally to hand to tn
receiving clerk a message whicl
x. briefly read: my wife is lain!
tn pointed at death" The op
z, orator to whose lot it fel
I'd to translate this into tn
, Morse dots and dashes audibly hope
that she was pointed in the right di
III rcction, and the startling announce
ment went on to discharge its mis-
. sion. From another afflicted bene
g dict went out the cry: "My white i
y worry i'll. Como now;" and the new
that Ma is very bad with amonia
must have carried sorrow with it l
spite of its decidedly doubtful Oh
biography and etymology. One {
q the commonest stumbling blocks
. spelling with the unlettered is illus
- trated by the message which sal
~ simply: "Our little boy died-cho
Grain phantom;" and the ditfichltit
~. of rhetorical construction are plainl
10 marked in the telegram which rea'
o 5a,. George is dying in haste, answer.
vas Serene trust in the hereafter W;
De carried to an almost ludicrous e!
- tent by the mourners, who tel
20 graphed to friends that "Grandl
" Jones peacefully left for his heavenl
home this morning" followed it |
g By tho very practical remark tn
= ANY suggestions about inferno
q will be thankfully received" "Pol
ia dead-she ate Matches" loft Il
), curious operator in doubt as
dcd whether Polly was the infant daught
~ of the house or the beloved fami
t parrot; but the dangers of pho
L. phorus were set forth for all t
world to see. Funeral to.morro
soc floral tribute will be worry accel
able,n reminds one involuntarily
D., Mose SINNERS ingenious plans
arranging silver wedding so as
avoid duplication Of presents; u
the telegraphic instructions to .'Gi
, the dear one decent burial and Sc
,,,, BILL are o judicious mixture of Pre-
o. erly controlled feelings and trr
Jaw; Yankee thrift
rne5 The eagerness with which the dea
ly OF friends and relatives is oft
XIII XIII watched for is q surprising truth
aken which tho telegraph operator
iaya forced to believe from the abundan
, no OF the evidence spread before hi
liz 1t seems almost Us though half
corpses would perform the tradition
i@' act of turning in their graves If tt
knew in how many cases their func
% arrangements had been at least p
TALLY made before the breath /
left their bodies. Gam going out
81 town to complete Sara's funeral
~ rangements; she is dying" is "
& to common sample of such preparati'
day for death. "Mr M. is not expec
Won to be living at 4 o'clock; let
ioI- know what to do concerning buria
~, is another instance of gambling
nv such futures. "Iie can be bur