The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-05-12
MODERN
The Advanced Glass Gives a Sample of What
1t Can Do.


Recitation room of q college. which in.
cludes instruction in the bright, brainy
and breezy" journalism of the present day.
Enter professor and class:
Professor-Mr Wagear, are you prepared
with your suicide?
Wagear-Yes, sir.
Professor-Please outline it.
Wagear (reads)-Thirty-eight caliber re.
volver clinched tightly in his right land.
No cause assigned for the rash act.
Professor-How do you refer to the sui
eide himself?
Wagear-As 1.-The unfortunate man."
Professor-Correct. In the second days
notice you should say that among the
n%eighbors rumors are rife of a love affair"
Wagear-Should | not also say that IRE
mains will be inferred in their last resting
place tomorrow"
Professor - Certainly. Mr.. Frenzyeye.
have your corrected your murder in accord.
ance with my instructions?
Frenzyeye-Yes, professor. .
Professor-Give us the ending of it.
FrenZyeye The deceased appeared tc
nave met his end by a blow from a blunt
instrument. Foul play is suspected. The
police are reticent, but they are believed tC
be possessed of important clews. Bad blood
is believed to have existed between the deaC
man and his win brother"
Professor-Very good. Tomorrow you
may diagram the mans henhouse. Mr.
Youngfellow, what is a fad?
Youngfellow-A fad is anything which
happens more than twice.
Professor-Would a series of sandbag
gings be a a
Youngfellow-No, sir. They would con.
stitute a carnival of crime unprecedented
in the history of the police department."
Professor-Mr. Dickybird, how would
you speak of a heavy snowstorm?
Dickybird-As "~veritable blizzard " sir,
Professor-Give the opening for the &C
count of a collision in which no lives are
lost.
DickyBird-"Yesterda a serious accident
was narrowly averted at"-
Professor-Very we'll. That will be suffi.
Gent. Mr.. Callowlad, how do you begin 6
sentence containing nothing out of the or
binary?
Callowlad-With the words oddly
enough" .
Professor-Give the keyno'> of the re.
port of a burglary.
Callowlad-'Shots were fired after the
retreating miscreants."
Professor-Is other journalistic use ever
made of shots?
Callowlad-In a shooting affair the man
tired at either returns the SnOtS' or seeks
safety in flight" Shots also ring OUT
and startle the inmates of the building"
Professor-How does a runaway horse
proceed?
Callowlad-He clashes wildly"
Professor-A cable car over which con-
troll has been lost also dashes down a hill
wildly, l suppose?
C~allowlad-No, sir. It brushes down the
steep incline with terrible velocity"
Professor-Very good. Mr.. Gocart, you
may tell the class how the bright, brainy
and breezy journalist refers to people.
G~ocart-Painter Smith, Ash Collector
Jones, Cab Driver Robinson, Stonemason
Brown, Insurance Broker Thompson.
Professor-Under what circumstances are
all women beautiful?
Gocart-In court and by telegraph.
Professor-How is a woman married, and
how does a man present his idea to the pub
lie?
Gocart-The woman is married quiet
"" and the man prepares a statement"
Professor-That will do, Mr.
Gocart-You told me to look up the con
dition of farmers after a rain.
Professor-True; l beg your pardon. How
do you find them?
Gocart-Jubilant.
Professor-Certainly. Mr.. Readyjaw, art
you prepared with your political outline?
Readyjaw-Yes, professor.
PROFESSIONALISM the friends of the poLti
cal journalist.