Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1894-09-05
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

We don't believe a long-haired man
knows anything more about medicine
than a short-haired man.-Atchison Globe.
"A petriied man has been found in
Wisconsin. 1t is probably the body of
a man who fell ''stone dead."-Siftings.
A bill taking alcohol used in the arts
off the free list has passed. This puts
a plain whisky and the most elaborate
cocktail ON all fours.-Philadelphia Ledg-
er.
-Admirer-"Where did you get all this
wonderful strength" Famous Strong
Mani was a carver in a boarding house
for three years. "-Syracuse Post.
First Horse-'I see a woman is hold
ing the reins over you. Is she driving you
to drink?' Second Horse (despairingIy)-
II haven't the remotest idea."-Detroit
Tribune.
Now l know why the milk we get
here is so weak" said the agricultural
editor to the farmer with whom be was
boarding; Il just this minute saw you
give those COWS water to drink."-Phila-
delphia Record.
-Ethel-"What made people think they
were husband and wife?' Frank-'Why,
whenever he related a good story she al
ways interrupted him by saying he'd left
out something."-Tid-Bits
-Binaway-"And young Blower. the fell
low who was always Boosting that he
would yet do something to arouse the
country; what ever became of him?''
Observation-Disclosures alarm clocks
the last we heard."-Buffalo Courier.
-Laura-"NIamma, when | asked Mr..
Goodcatch to button my glove last night
his hand trembled so that it took him a
minute or two. l wonder if he is in Iove?''
Mrs. Figg-"I don't know. Perhaps he
might have been out late the night be-
fore Journal.
-Sergeant-"What was the trouble
over there? 1t sounded as though some
body was being murdered" Patrolman-
"Oh, twas only a new ledger who was
not onto the combination of the folding
bed in his room, and the thing doubled up
with him in it."-Boston Traveller.
The donkey carrier ~three-quarters of
his own weight long distances. This
proves beyond all doubt that he is a dom
key.-Boston Transcript.
A Heavy Strain.-''And Jack says
heM break the Engagement if | insist on
he doesn't love you."-Life.
-Prophetic.-"Has she given you any
encouragement?' "Oh, yes! She a
she will get all of her fathers money
when he dies."-Life's Calendar.
-"George, father has failed.' That's
just like him. l told YOU all along, dar-
ling, that he was going to do all he could
" hSSp uo IIoAd mail AHS- -IA1e CdI-
endar.
-Radbourn-''I hear that Olcott has
been discharged from the police force.
Do you know what for?' Chesney-
Yes. Refusing to accept a bribe."-
Brooklyn Life.
The Biddleby Family at Newport
(they battle at Easton's beach).-Mr. Bid
suits hain't no perfection; I'm wet clear
thrOughi'-Harper's Bazaar.
-Seashore Morality.-Dan-"What's
the matter, old man? Can't you find
your bathing suit?' Van-"Gad! I'm
not trying to. I'm looking for a better
one."-Kate Fields Washington.
-Physician-'You must avoid all ex-
and drink only water" But, doctor, the
idea of drinking water eXcites me more
than anything else."-Fliegende Blaetter.
An artist being asked, rs sculpture
difficult?' answered.: why, bless you,
no! You have only to take a block of
marble and a chisel, and knock off all
the marble you don't want."-Tid-Bits.
-Minnie-"She was once engaged to the
Earl of Earlsmere, but her mother broke
it off" May-'Why?' Minnie-'She
had been under the impression that the
alliance would make her a dowager count
ess."-Vogue.
-Jimmy-"What is this moral courage
that the Sunday school teacher was tellin'
US about?' Tommy-''As near as [ kin
guess it, it's the kind of courage that
kids has that's afraid to fght.'-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Mamma Engaged in correcting John
ny)-"You know | hate to do it, Johnny.
[ sympathize with you, but - John
ny-"Haven't there been enough sympa-
thetic strikes without your beginning?"
Boston Transcript.
You don't seem to get along very
we'll with yer old friend?' Nav. He
got ter thinkin' he knowed too much.
When [ told i'm he orter put his mind in
a gymnasium an give is voice a vacation,
he got mad."-Washington Star.
Idle Ike-"Walk right by dat feller
sellin' shoestrings widout noticin' i'm.
Lazy Luke-"Why? Idle Ike-"Cuz he
amt recognized by our set no more"
Lazy Luke-"How's dat?" Idle Ike-'Dis
is de third time dat mans been caught
tryin' ter earn his livin'."-Brooklyn Life.
-Farmer-"James, have you watered
the cows this EVENING" New Man from
City-"No, sir; not for two days
WHAT" Il heard you say day before
yesterday, sir, that they wouldn't be dry
for about six weeks yet, sir."-Plain Deal
er.