Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1894-06-01
MY SUICIDE.
Yes, I have wished to die.

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held my life in her little hand, and an
not NOW even sure of her name Young
men, this may astonish you, but YOU
will learn better in time.
l was young then--quite young, and
I no sooner learned of my misfortune
than I determined to end my life MY
first intention was to shoot myself OF
her stairway, but I bethought me of the
crowds that would see me there and Of
how Henriette-was not that her name.
would ridicule me, SO my amour pro-
pie came to my rescue.
"No," said to myself, ''there must
be no excitement, no noise The wound
ed bird conceals himself behind tuft
of grass Thus I wish to die-in some
corner-isolated, lost, forgotten. -
In this eleg1ac frame of mind I took
the $50 train for Melun 1t deposited
me at dusk, about 100 steps. from the
Golden Lion-a we'll kept hotel, with
airy rooms, good beds and an excellent
table.
T"What does monsieur wlsh?'' asked a
little waitress, whom have since found
to be very pretty.
Nothing"
was not hungry went to bed. My
sleep was fitful, and every instant I
thought saw Victorine-I believe her
name was Victorine-pass by on the
arm of my rival
Then I struck out with my fist against
the wall, the iron bedstead or the mar
BILE top tale.
Twas much bruised next morning, but
what mattered it, since was SO soon to
die? .
I went in quest of rope. I had be-
lieved formerly that, when one wished
to hang oneself, nothing could be easier
than to find rope A sad mistake. In
my search I traversed the entire hotel
to no purpose. The little waitress
the one whom I have since found is so
pretty-denanded Of me:
but what does monsieur wish to do
with a roper
At last, with a length of hemp in my
pocket, left the hotel and made my
way to spot in the woods where I had
often been before. found here, behind
an inextricable tangle of foliage, the
same inviting retreat where had once
fingered to dream. There could certain
ly exist no more appropriate spot for
the deed I now contemplated.
While walking along I had thought
of Berthe - possibly her name was
Berthe-and I cursed her with all my
soul. Then looked at my rope. I meas
ured it. tested it's strength. 1t was not
the sort of rope / wished. 1t appeared
to be too short and too large around I
was vexed. You can scarcely imagine
how an annoyance of this sort may in
fuence ones ideas.
And here was another vexation. Upon
reaching the chosen spot was disagreea-
bly, surprised to find it occupied by an
other. A person, with his back turned
to me, was engaged in fastening rope
to branch above his head-the very
branch which I had selected for my
own.
"What are you doing there?" de-
manded Of him.
He faced me suddenly.
'fWhat concern Of yours is it?'' he
asked.
''You think perhaps that do not di-
vine your intention, - cried.
'And if I wish to kill myself that is
altogether my affair
Kill yoursef?'
I looked at him. He seemed to be an
amiable young fellow, with an open
countenance, sympathetic eyes and an
interesting pallor.
$50 you wish to kill yourself" And
suspecting him to be the victim of an
unhappy love affair, I added, 'About
some worthless woman?"
"Sirp' he cried.
"Poor idiotl'' thought. ''Lovers are
all alike-he defends her even YETI.
The stranger was silent.
"Will you permit me to give you
bit of advice?' inquired. leave your
rope where it ISL had noticed that
1T was better than mine-fgo home.
You will thank me for this after
awhile"
He shook his head.
IT want to die"
"Don't prepare any poignant regrets
for the morrow" I continued, with
sweet insistence. "Irepeat what have
said. After you are buried you will be-
moan your precipitancy, and then it will
be too late"
''You say this because you do not
know what has happened to me-.
''But suspect"
"No, you cannot have even suspi-
cion. Oh, sir, woman whom adored,
for whom
And he told me his story Incredible
coincidence! It was absolutely my own!
This comparison set me thinking. "Your
silence shows me your approval, said
Charles. I had just learned his name to
be Charles.
''Not at ALL, cried. I did not wish
to appear like a weathercock "There
is nothing in your history which justi-
flies you in having recourse to the end of
d rope"
Charles had begun to interest me-
''Listen, my friend, you are out of your
reason. Why should you wish to be
treated more kindly than other men
whose sweethearts play them false ev-
cry day."
'tBut they are not as grossly deceived
as have been"
II beg your pardon.
''No, no."
ooh, yes.''
''No.'
~ know whereof I speak. And now
you are free to make another choice-a
much better one. There are plenty of
them.
nBetter than she? That is not posi-
BILE"
"Indeed. y
'.Her equal does not exist"
'sBut she''--
ooh, no. -
..Ah, well, in the first moments, one
NAV have such ideas, but wait month
and you will see. F."
NV words sounded so replete with
wisdom that, little by little, l began to
find pleasure in listening to myself. /
continued:
"What good would it do you to die?
I would like you to tell me how it could
advance your interests? The woman
who deserted you has Or has not a heart
If she has one''-
IL IL