The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-08
UNCLE SETH AS A coNsoLeR.
Priceless Philosophy From n Man who
Earns 90 Cents Every Day.

Wal so We he'd yer laig sawed off in a
sawmill, did ye' Sawed right off two inches
above the kneei Wal. it's the best thing yer
could do Hold yer horsesl Hold upl Don't
say wordl ! came down here on purpose
to console ye an now don't 20 to gettin riled
| tell ye n man ought TO be happy who is
lucky enough to get his laig sawed off.
Hold on, now; don't yer see I'm consolin
YEP Wen "A feller's tryin to say sweet words
Of comfort an peace to ye it's plague-on pro
vokin to hev ye 90 an r'ar up about 1t. |
tell ye, Ab'rum, it's the biggest thing ye
ever did wen yer went an he'd that ar laig
sawed of. It's money in yer pocket, an it
would ha' been more money in yer pocket to
he'd yer other laig sawed off too-on'y in
that case yer wouldn' had no pocket to put
yer money into. IIei he
Oh, 50 you can't see any use in any sich
tom fool, fol-de-rol nonsensei tell ye it's
Jest as true rs Scripter mixed with the cen
sus report that every experience a man has
Is worth 81 to him. Amy miserable, every
day experience is worth 81 to him if he is
the right kin er man. Ye know young Bob
Perkins, who couldn't earn his salt fore he
lost his right laig Then he went crcusing
roun TO all the shows in the country as the
one laiged bcyccr an made 81, ,7OO in one
summer. W en- he fell olT'n his bicycle an
lost his other laig, he went roun with a
menagerie an "A circus walkin on his hands,
an he made $4,000 in one trip III you
want to ketch fortune, you can ketch it
quicker on one laig than yer can on two,
an ye can kctCh 1t walkin on yer hands in
no time You know oil Cy Perkins, who
wuz born up here at the Bean placer A
lar lummixl Wal, he went to the war
an lost his laig Guess he lost it runnn
away, COZ he wus so scarf he allus run away
from an angleworm coz he wuz feered it
wus snaik. Wal, he wuz so scarf that
wen some of the Union boys shot some
,ame turkeys he heerd the firin an thought
.he rebs were comm an started to run SO
fast that one laig tumbled over the other,
AN be got all mixed up with hisself an
broke it. Wal, sir, he came home, an we
all kinder pitied him-he wuz sich gawk
An we made him sillclman, an mex year
we pitied him some more, COZ he wuz
gawkier than ever, an sent him to the leg
islatur, an I'll be dinged if the deestrict
didn't take him up an run him for congress
on his soldier record
Wal, sir, he run good deal better than
the other man. coz the other man didn't hev
either wooden laig or II wooden head an
Cy was well supplied with both. If the
other feller he'd he'd five laigs an a bicycle,
| he couldn't ha' run for congress az quick az
oil Cy with his wooden lag an his head Of
the same material.
l tell ye, Ab'rum, DIS | said afore every
experiunce is wuth 81 to IA man if he knows
how to use it, OF course losn yer laig is
wuth thousans. But every little miser'ble
! experiunce is wuth 81 if you've only got
| gumption enough to carry it to the right
market an sell it. Ye might give hungry
man bushel of taters, an he would starve
to death if he didn't know 'nough to cook
'em. An eXperiunce amt wuth nothin If
| ye don't know how to use it. Neither is
| $40 bill.
| tell ye every eXperiunce is wuth 81 TO
ye, an every man ought to hev three ex-
| perfumes day-like gettin "A cinder In his
eye, losin his pocketbook or fallin off al hay
mow-he oughter get three day, an that s
| So an that's 81 900 n year; an so every man
! who's co years oil ought to be wuth $50 O0u
How oil am II Wal, I'm GO myself How
much am / WORTH Oh-er-er - mighty
| pleasant weather we're hevin Low, amt IL j?
Good grass weather, good weather for
| garding sass, good weather for critters,
good CROWN weather. good wealth How
much am wuth' Wal, I've got thirteen
dollars an some odd cents in the bank, but
! then hain't never had no time to 90 foolin
roun to fin market for my experiences.
But ] can't hang roun here no longer. Bill
Smith is givin me 60 cents day to take
care of his stock, an must hurry home to
water the cows-S w. Foss in New York
| Tribune.