The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1894-02-16
A MASTER DIPLOMAT.
A Comedy in One Act---Tme,
February, 1894; Place,
Toledo, Oregon.

SCENE I-Office of Yaquina Post. Editor
Van Cleve clipping from exchanges.
Desk R. Stove L. Chairs, etc. En-
ter Lawyer McFadden c.
Van Cleve-(Smi1ing Good morning,
Mr.. McFadden; how's legal business to-
day9
McFadden-Very good, thank you
have bean retained as counsel for Mr.
Stewart, editor of your contemporary.
In a recent issue of your sheet there ap-
peared an article signed Gone who
knows" derogatory to my clients char
acter. and want to know who wrote 1t!
vanC.-(Sternly.) Is that any OF your
business, BJersey?
McF.-(Getting warrn.) Well 1 want
to know who wrote it; or do you tather
it yourself? I'm going to bring libel
suit against somebody and that P. d. g.
VanC.-Have you your credentials!
McF.-(Stammering) Well, Il
VanC.-Then know no reason why L
should disclose its authorship to you
McF.-Wel1, you would not refuse to
inform my client?
VahC, C,-Well-er-no. Send the dam
phool over. Exit MdFadden, 2:4o gait
banging the door as he goes and nader
than wet hen.
VanC.-fPlacing shears on desk, pac-
ing floor and d~stroking his beard. Solll-
ouizing.) Now B'Gorra I've got my foot
in it. That sots-of-a-gun Stewart will be
over here in minute and I've got to
materialize scheme to get out OF this
matter. The press is free; the post is the
press. Ergo! the Post is free taside) free
to most of my sub bscribers. No, sir;
don't propose to giY Ye away the author OF
that article, and if ne and that populis'
attorney venture to invade the secrecy Of
my sanctum Pll Kick them through yon
der portals quieker'n Lots wife was
turned into salt. No, B'Gorra, they can''
film fam me; I'm onto my job. Here's
hatchet, there poker. With these
weapons shall defend the freedom o.
the press against. all corners, be they
farmers alliance newspaper men or pop
ulist attorneys. 1 have lived on Yaqmns
bay these many years, subslst1ng or
CLAIMS and fern kraut, and in my feeble
way endeavored to bring to the notice o
intending settlers the many advantage
of locating here among us. But on
short year ago Benton county was di
vided. the county seat was located her
at Toledo; continued to edit the Post
Soon after this division Mr.. Nobod
from Nowhere, one Stewart, who though
himself Mr.. Somebody from Somewhere
invaded my territory, usurped my fun'
ton. AS grows mushroom SO grew In
subscription list to his smutty shee
And I. who had stood by them IN ao
yersity, was deserted in prosperity. Ih
scenes have shifted. The Lincoln Leade
and its editor are now in bad odor an
while his sun is sinking in those wester
pillows, the rays of my star OF hope agai
fash from behind yon mountain peal
VanCleve, revenge is thine. BJabers!
will not divulge my secret and only ov'
nv inanimate form will they gain acce
to the manuscript. 1t is now the trol
the front of the week, and 1-(Ent'
Stewart, McFadden attendlng)
Stewart-(Surly as usual.) Well,
,.r+ +o know who the devil wrote tn
article?
VanC.-(Rushing forward, hatchet
handy Get to h out of here, d
youl (Shoves McFadden out OF the do
and kicks Stewart down stairs.)
SCENE II-vanCleve still using SCI
sors Enter delegation of citizens
First Citizen-Well, Van, there is not
ing shabby about US.
Second Citizen-You are all right, o
man.
Third Citizen-( advancing and pla
ing purse in vanC.'s hand Please
cept this as slight token of our appr
ciation of your diplomacy. This pur
contains eighteen big American samo
ans, which has been donated by yo
MANY admirers here in Toledo. Many
us NAV not have appeared to be yo
friends since Stewart appeared, but
has been weighed in the balances al
found wanting Hereafter your cause
our cause; your interest is our intere
united we stand, divided we fall. (Tur
ing to citizens.) Here's to Coll VanCle'
"First in war, first in peace and first
the hearts of his countrymen." :
VanC nC-tAffected.) Gentlemen, this
too much: I have simply been doing 4
dutv. but bJerseyl 1 appreciate 20
kindness. Many of you l supposed
h;tterest enemies, and to find am m
taken and that you have treated me WI
such generosity is more than can stan
Ieem's rivers, such magnanimity is :
dom shown to a newspaper man, ana
f11s nv heart to overfowing. I can on
saw thank you, yes, b'jab6ers, from
verv bottom of my heart l thank yc
fVanCleye offers his hand to third c11z
and breaks down.)
CURTAIN.