Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-06-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Some people are never at home un-
til they are away from home. .-Atchi-
son Globe.
A beetle can draw twenty times its
own weight. So can u mustard plas.
ter. Texas Siftings.
You will notice that the man who
is spoken of as superior to clothes"
wears mighty poor clothes. Puck.
Nothing is easier to understand than
how we shouldn't have made the mis-
takes we have seen other people make.
Puck.
The man who is willing to wait for
something to turn up is usually too
blind to see it WIEN It comes along.
Puck.
Oddly enough tl. homeliest of old
maids are generally girls who were
matchless in thei- youth. Buffalo
Courier.
Uncle George-"Are you good OF
guessing?" Little Dick-"Yes, in.
deed. I'm head in tie spelling class.
Good News.
He-"My love will ka,e no ending,
dear" She--"tow, L say, George,
aren't you going to marry me, after
all?"-Tid-Bits
The long-cut overcoat has o;ed
70 him the best OF boons,
Since underneath it he can wee.
His baggy pantaloons.
New Yo.t Herald.
Musical composers should have no
trouble about proposing to their
sweethearts; they are used 10 making
overtures. Philadelphia Rec,rS-
An offer to bet is not an argument.
but it frequently has the effect of 81.
lencing your opponent and increasing
his respect tor your position
Puck.
III m u said the burglar after he
had found that the safe was emptv.
''this thing lacks a whole lot oe what
1t was cracked up to be. "--Indianap
oils journal.
Twickenham-"How is your daugh.
ter's French tutor getting ON with
her?" Bilter--"very nicely, He has
got so he can speak English tirst.rete >
Brooklyn Life.
81 wonder what makes Highly so un
POPULAR" 81 give it up, but it's {
fact. Why, that man is so disliket
that he can't even get bite when h
goes fishing. "--Indianapolis journal
Nature abhors vacuum,
And art a platitude,
And this Is mighty hard upon
The gentle, harmless dude.
Boston Transcript
My son, if you are flush, associate
with the well-to-do, for they are not
likely to borrow but if you are broke
keep on good terms with the poor, foi
they are more willing to lend.-
Puck.
''You beat us" said the defeated
yachtsman, "because you caught the
breeze before we did" That's be
cause we watched for it with bnited
breath, replied the victor. Chicago
Tribune.
Logical: Eaie- Mummy, why dc
they hunt lion an tigers?" Mamma =
because they kill the poor little
sheep, Effie." Efie latter a pause)-
"Then why don't they hunt the
butchers, mummy Punch.
Young Fogy Dad, let's go into
the other room and see the phono
graph. 1t repeats every word Won
say" Old Fogy Just as though ]
hadn't friends enough that do that
right along. Boston Transcript.
Mrs. NeXtdoor- az have found ont
one thing about that Mrs. Newcome.
Whoever she is, she has never moved
IN good society" Mr.. Nextdoor-
How do you know that?" Mrs. Next
door--"She shakes hands as if she
meant it. Tit Bits.
Museum Manager--'I've got too
many of you freaks. I'll have to dis.
charge one of you. India Rubber
Man--"Let it be the Human Sala,
mander; he's used to the fire." Man.
ager mo! I think I'll bounce you.
Philadelphia Record.
Heloise (eight years old What
does transatlantic mean, mother ?"
Mother--"Oh, across the Atlantic, of
course. But you mustn't bother me. :"
Heloise docs trans, then, always
mean across?" Mother--'I suppose
it does. Now, if you don't stop both.
ering me with your questions / shall
send you right to bed" Heloise is
silent few moments. Heloise--
"Then does transparent mean a cross
parent2"--BrooklYn Life,