davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Paul daily globe., 1894-05-20

every time that he repeated it. We felt
that talking with him was like talking
with Jonah face to face.
But one day Tom Bolter. who was
young law student, thought he would
like some practice in cross questioning,
and so be investigated the old man
little more closely.
so the whale actually swallowed
you, did he. Chet?" asked Tom, land
then threw you up, and out nron the
the deck of the vessel from whi ch yo,
were blown by the hurricane?"
YES" said Chet.
How long before he threw you up?'
Half an hour"
''Did the whale swim around after he
had swallowed you?''
mo, stood STILL"
Hard wind blowingw
"Reglar hurricane"
linen the vessel stood perfectly still,
dld 1t. In m1d-ocean, in regular hurrl-
cane. for half an hour, and waited there
motlonlesS until you were thrown up?''
wall. Pve allus kinder thought so,"
said Chet. but | can see now, sence
you have sejested it to me, that it
didn'."
Then the ship didn't stand still, did
iif" asked Tom.
w Hv ho. you 1901, OF course 1t dlQn'
i'll regular hurricane"
Then it must have been from five to
ten miles away from the whale at the
end of half an hour. hey?"
Yes, guess it must, said Chet.
"Then you couldn't have been thrown
on the vessel at all, could you?" asked
Tom.
"Wall, 'spose not" said Chet. 81
don't see how [ could ha' been under
the circumstances"
"Do you know. Chet." asked Tom,
''thau all the biologists tell us that
whales throat is not large enough to
swallow live cat. much less man."
mo, do Lhey"" asked Chet.
"Yes, indeed"
'Sure?" asked Chet.
Positive" replied Tom.
"Well, then. don't see how he ever
swallowed me them" said Chet.
Il DON'T" said Tom.
Its mighty Gurus" said Chet.
Are you sure he did swallow you?"
asked Tom.
"Wall. allus have been for the last
forty years, till you came a pesterin'
'roun with your tarnal questions. But
now l begin to 'Dleeve he didn't"
'Chet," asked Tom abruptly, .'did
you ever go to sea?'
NO" said Chet.
"Well, how could you ever have been
St. Paul daily globe., 1894-05-20

swallowed by whale in the middle of
the Indian ocean if you never went to
sea?''
Gosh! I dom. see how it hap
pened," said Chet.
Lie, isn't it?" asked Tom.
| ''That's it! that's it! that's itp' ex-
claimed Chet. suddenly. l understand
it now. That explains it. It's a lie.
What thundeIin' rascal do you 'spose
ever told me sich miser'ble lie as
that?'
why, nobody, Chet, could have told
it but yourself. 1t must have originated
with you.''
Chet scratched his head again and
thought long time.
Yes. you're right" he said at length.
you're right. remember 1t all now.
l began to tell that lie forty years ago.
Aud I've told it almost every day ever
since; and Pve told 1t SO much that
now. for over thirty-6ve years, I've
believed it myself. It's too bad! l
thougA it was true. l thought was
a hero. thought was bigger man
than op Jonah. But now that's all gone
byt I'm nothin' now, but poor, OF,
miser'bie, broken-down liar. Pm no
hero all. What in thunder, Tom, did
YOU ever come roun' liere for with your
confoAhded questions? Things have
come TO a mighty pooty pass wen you
won't allow poor OF man to believe
his own lies" - g.
St. Paul daily globe., 1894-05-20

said the saleswolnan, repressing the
giggle that it racked her immortal soul
to hold in.
"Weil. them" said John, "I'll take
three gallons"
I'VE do not sell it by the gallon, Ell
ther," she said, holding in the earth
quake snicker that was bursting within
her, 1--WE sell it by the yard"
"Well. then, give me three yards"
said John. 'but be sure it is not stale. /
always insist upon having fresh food
upon my table"
But lace isn't food" said the sales
woman.
Isn't it?" asked John innocently.
''Well. give me three pounds-e!-yards
of it. whatever it Is. and let me get Off"
But what kind do you want. sir?
asked the saleswomen. Point lace.
applique. beaded. Brussels. Chenille,
Cluny, Mechlin, Honlton, Dresden,
Valencicnues, Damarascene, antique or
Saxony?
II don't know" said John, II guess
you better turn them all in the can
together, stir 'em round and mix 'em
up, and then l shall be sure of getting
some of the kind my wife wanted me
tC get"
The irrepressible giggle here burst
forth and the saleswoman's life was
saved.
After she had recovered from her
spasm of laughter she said:
perhaps you can assist me some in
selecting the lace if you will tell me for
what purpose your wife wants it,"
"Well, she is putting up canned
peaches." said John; perhaps she
wants TO put the lace in 'em."
Here another giggle came 10 the ex-
plodlng point. and John turned on his
| heel ana went out in disgust.
Although he went away mad he re-
solved TO finish his errand as best he
could. So he went into the butchers
and said he wanted three yards of steak,
but he couldn't remember for the life
of him whether it was Applique, Dana
rascene, Valenclennes or antiQne steak
that he was after.
When John arrived home without
either his lace or his steak his wife said: {:
'lt is Just as expected
St. Paul daily globe., 1894-05-20
[Cop yright.l


John" said the practical wife to her
metaphysical husband, 81 wish you
would go down street and get me three
wards of white lace and TWO pounds of
srloin steak
John, who took no earthly interest in
ANYTHING less abs truse than KantS phi
losophy. started off on his errand. re-
peating his wife's command over and
over on the way lest he should forget 1t.
Three yards of white lace and two
pounds of srloin steak. Three yards OF
white lace and two pounds of sirloin
steak" he kept repeating over and over
ali the way to the store. But before he
arrived the steak and the lace were
badly mixed in his mind. When he en-
tered the dry goods store he was repeat
ing rapidly TO himself:
"Three pounds Of sirloin lace and two
yards OF white steak. Two yards of
white sir!oin and three pounds of steak
lace"
He was conscious that he was some
what mixed; but he knew he wanted
lace of some kind. So he marched up
to the young saleswoman and boldly
sad:
II want some lace"
Yes. sir" she replied, "what kind.
please?"
''Sirloin lace. believe"
"Why really" replied the sales
woman, THAT must be new variety
wh ich we have not yet secured. Are
you sure that is the name?"
No" said John, 81 only know want
three pounds of lace of some sort"
"But we do not sell it by the pound"
St. Paul daily globe., 1894-05-20
Ga,.> 1n2u 7su.
Not to BE Fooled.

Detroit Tribune.
Her lip curled scornfully when she
detected crouching fgure trying to
pry the blinds off the front parlor.
Here" she cried. "you get away
from there"
The figure started violently.
ppm QUITO YOU" the woman proceed
ed in harsh. cold voice. II tell you
right now there was no flaw in those
divorce proceedings. and you can't
work any Enoch Arden racket under
the circumstances. l advise you to go
to work."
There. was the sound of a slamming
door, and presently crOuching figure
might have been seen creeping STEALTH
lily away.
St. Paul daily globe., 1894-05-20
How the Whale Swallowed Chet
Colder

Chet Colder was an old sailor: and
he confused and put to shame all
skeptical disbeiievers in the ancient
story of Jonah by declaring that he had
been swallowed by whale, once, him
self.
In the Indian ocean, as he told the
story, in the summer of 1850, he had
been blown overheard during hurri-
cane. A whale Immediately seized him
and swallowed him whole. Chet, at the
time, had a large amount Of chewing
tobacco in his hands, which he was dis
tributing among the sailors. This in-
duced feeling of nausea in the whale,
ana so, in the space OF half an hour,
Chet was thrown up from the whales
stomach with such force that he landed
on his feet, OH the deck of the ship from
which he had been blown, and went on
distributing the tobacco among the
sailors as if nothing had happened.
Chet had told this story for forty
years. and we were sll glad to hear 1t,
St. Paul daily globe., 1894-05-20
PHILOSOPHER SHOPPING.
LITTLE FUN OVER LACE SfRL0iR
STEAK


Sent on a Simple Errand, Fails to
Accomplish Anything Of Value
-Chet Colder and the Whale
Insists That the Sea Monster
Swallowed Him - Work for
Small Men.
St. Paul daily globe., 1894-05-20

WORK FOR SMALL MEN.
Don't hate your neighbor if hih creed
With your own doctrine fails to fit;
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
Colonial Items.

Victoria has had an cart thuuake
shock.
The Victorian Cabinet has decided
to have an Agent General in Lon
don.
Sandford Fleming is still working
in London for an Imperial subsidy
toward Pacific cable.
The Australian horse Highborn
has won in India, for the second
time, the Viceroy's cup.
Another party Of emigrants mum.
bering l9O, has sailed for PARAGUAY
in the bark Royal Tar, intending to
settle in New Australia"
The Premiers Of the Australian
Colonies have agreed to invite the
Duke and Duchess Of York to visit
Australia and New Zealand this year.
Huddart, Parker & Co., contrac-
tors for the Canadian Australian
steam mail service, have started a
steam line between Sydney, New
Zealand ports and Tasmania.
Civilization Is advancing in Samoa.
The natives are being punished for
uathiub III VUTfS HuWFUffDUS, anu
they have forged a good many State
debentures.--Sydney Truth.
Mr.. Kidd, Postmaster q eneral,
New South Wales, thinks that the
Postal Conference at Wellington
New Zealand) in January will afford
an opportunity to the colonies to
come to some definite conclusion,
and decide what action should be
taken regarding relations with Can.
ada, and the manner in which Aus.
tralia should be represented there.
On Pitcairn Island, in the Eastern
Pacific, the original home of the
Bounty mutineers, there are q fam.
lilies with a population Of III all
told, and the education OF the chill.
dren is provided for by q school
mistress supplied by the Seventh
Day Adventist Society. A pro.
minent member Of tho Adventist
Conference, Elder Gates, remains
on the island for his health. With
the exception OF droughts, which OF
late have much exercised the people,
life on Pitcairn, II is said. is easy
enough.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12

ol eyed the orders Of their chiefs
all this dishonorsble, dirty. con.
t.mptible, reasonable policy is re-
~"sented as thoroughly endorsed
J. the progressive element" of the
t. n God save us from such pro.
gr, ss) and sustained by four men
" 10 hitherto bad the apparently ILL
fttcd ptetension OF being gentle
men, !! ! However, il may I've assert =
Ell that the progressive element re-
fcrrcd to. does not include the re-.
spectacle, honest, impartial classes
OF both political parties, and that
he above mentioned signers will
have to submit to the consequences
of the prov.rb. birds of a feather
flock together" Two Of them =.
Emmeluth. on his sinister person,
and Fisher, with his vinegar counte
nance bear the indelible stamp OF
their moral worth: but the public
will he surprised to find tho other
two. Smith the druggist aud Day.
the father to the popular doctor. IN
such bad company; yet the respect.
able element here will remember
that there are other druggists and
other doctors around, perhaps not
so progressive" but certainly i'm
bued with better idea Of what is
moral and upright, healthy and lie
cent in Journalism. NEMESIS.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
Who's Your Hatterr

During one nf the English yacht
races last week tho Prince Of Wales
wore a very peculiar headgear Of Il
Polish type, and as his yacht passed
the American warship Chicago, tho
band struck up where did you get
that hat?" 4 storm Of cheers from
the ship and the yacht greeted the
musical sally, and the American
officers feared that his royal high
ness might consider il q personal
liberty and take offence. But he
declared afterward that he was de-
lighted with the reception, which,
he thought, was given in true
sportsmanlike spirit.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
JUDICIARY JoTrrNos.
Various Items Of Interest Gathered
in the Clork's Once.

Kealoha luke petitions for pro.
bate of the will OF Ono luko, her dc.
ceased husband, leaving tn herself
and five children property consist
ing OF real estate valued at 5000
and personally Of 500 value, and
that letters testamentary issue to
her as eNecutrix named in the will.
Judge Cooper has examined and
approved the accounts of Bruce
Cartwright, trustee Of the estate Of
Emma kaleleonalani. showing trans.
actions OF S54S2 on either side for
the year 1893. The Queens Hospi-
tai received $924.56 after payment Of
annuities and expenses, also 5000 to.
ward scholarships in st. Andrews
Priory.
Samuel B. Rose presented his
fourth and final account as guardian
OF Charles H. Rose, minor, and ask
ed Tor discharge, the minor having
come OF age. Judge Cooper ap.
proved the accounts and, finding by
personal questioning that the ward
had reached his majority and was
satisfied with the transactions OF
the guardian, ordered that the
guardian be discharged upon fling
the final receipt Of the ward for the
balance Of S795.SO due him.
In the matter of the estate OF
Hannah X. Kapali, before Judge
Cooper, the Court heard the appIi-
cation Of the husband praying for
letters Of administration to issue to
him.. During the progress Of the
hearing o document was presented
purporting To be q will which might
also be construed as a deed of con.
veyance. The Court before granting
letters Of administration took the
matter under advisement so as to
construe the document in question.
Castle for the husband, petitioner;
kahookano for the heirs, contesting.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
Progressive Versus Respectable

EDITOR BULLETIN
II had generally been surmised by
the honorable and genteel portion
OF the community, that Walter g..
Smith had been conducting the Star
to suit himself, and that the share
holders were, not only not response
BILE for, but rather deplored and
tried to gag the violence OF his tenn
per, and his vulgar, low, indecent,
scurrilous style Of writing. But it
now comes out in print, that the
Star has been conducted editorially
I'm a manner thoroughly in accord
with the sentiments OF the progress
i've element Of these islands, and to
the entire satisfaction of the share
holders" And this extraordinary
statement is signed by j. Emmeluth,
}. III. Fisher, q. w. Smith and c..
w. Day. Thus the constant abuse
heaped upon the Queen, as a woman; ;
the usual kicking at the fallen foe;
the libellous attacks and blackguard-
ing Of any citizen who respects him
self enough to remain faithful to
his past allegiance and oath to our
Constitution, or oven of anyone who
does not yet fully realize the beau
ties OF annexation; the repeated
savage advice for prosecuting and
deporting en- masSc every man and
woman who does not happen to
agree with the progressive element"
OF the +. Gr imported from the
slums OF San Francisco; the insults
and slurs against inolfensive natives,
and lastly, but not least, the violent
threats against the American Gov
ernment, and the sanguinary incite-
ments preached, to the Americans
here, by pseudo American filibus-
terer, to fight against American
troops IL ordered to land, aud
to kill American soldiers, II they
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
Stowaways Watched.

Captain Patterson. Of the harbor
police, has had his eagle" eye ON
the Union Steamship Monowai all
the while she was in port to-day
lie had been made aware Of the fact
that therr w"r" Il number OF stow.
aways on bonrrt, but they had been
made to sign tho articles and were
kept at work below. Several made
their appearance on deck during the
forenoon, but finding they were un-
der surveillance went below again.
1t will be remembered the Monowai
caused the adoption Of the Stowaway
Act. Captain Carey fired" a couple
OF men off the steamer when he
called in here on his way to the
Colonies some time ago.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
GUNS FOR THE FAIR.
Part Of the Historic Austrian Bat.
terry Of Kalakaua.

Among the exhibits which were
sent to the Hawaiian Village at the
Midwinter Fair in San Francisco by
the s. s. Monowai to-day were two
Austrian field pieces. These field
pieces, attached to which In quite a
history, were used by II. w. Wilcox
in the attempted revolution in 1889.
Twelve Of these pieces were brought
from Austria several years ago by
the late King Kalakaua, who was
under the impression that they were
a gift from the Aust rian Govern.
ment, but some time afterward bill
was received by the Hawaiian Gov.
ernment for $4,000 for the guns,
and the amount had to be paid.
The Austrian Government had quite
a lot Of trouble getting them across
the German Empire on account OF
certain strict regulations. The field
pieces are eight centimeter.
Other curios sent by the agents
OF the Hawaiian exhibit are sea and
land shells, q land turtle, specimens
OF sugar cane and n number oi
minor articles.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
A Contradiction.
E.prroR l,rLI.grIS: ,

Eplrog BULLETIN:
In last nights BULLETIN appeared
an article copied from the San Fran
cisco Report stating that l had ap-
piled to the Secretary Of the Navy
Tor leave Ia navigate the yacht
Tolna, and had been ia return re-
bnked 10y him for making applica
tion at this time, Any application
Tor leave IT, the Secretary Of the
Navy and hi, reply would be for
warded and reviewed by my com
manding officer and tho Admiral
commanding the station. Such is
not the ease; IN fact the article is
untrue in every particular. ] re-.
quest that you make an early correc
tion. +. :. CARTER,
Lieutenant, |. =. y.
|. :. ). Adams, Honolulu, Jan. II,
1891.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
s. s. Monowai.

The Union steamship Monowai,
Carey commander, arrived in port at
l;3o o'clock this morning, Is days
from Sydney, having left that place
Dec. 70, and l3 days from Auckland.
The Monowai experienced very fine
weather and variable winds to Apia,
thence had strong head winds and
heavy seas up TO arrival. She brought
three saloon passengers and ono
steerage, and had in transit y saloon
aud ~ storage passengers. The
Monowai resumed her voyage to San
Francisco al 3oclock this afternoon,
the =, q, band playing her of,
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12
YliE HUSTLE FOR OFFICES.

The Fact that We are almost daily
reminded by the subsidized press
that the Executive are being spurred
"n to the work uf removing expert
enced and competent public officials
of supposed royalistic sympathies.
aud appointing in their places
others, professedly loyal To the pre-
sent substitute for popular aud re-
preventative government, would in
dica,e that We are to have a furth her
"Ncmpliiication of the bencfcent
rule proposed to be pcrpetuated by
the would-bc "polyglots" (sec Star
Uf Jan. y, in the near future, in the
displacement Of others long in the
public service. who have the cour-
age OF their convictions aud who
disdaiu to stultify themselves for
the sake OF retaining positions al.
ready rendered distasteful by reason
or a perfect system Of espionage. at
the price uf their honor. Much mud
had been sluug by the annexation
press, aimed at the personnel Of the
civil service under the monarchy.
but no better proof II the judicious
selection Uf public servants under
that much abused regime can be ad.
vanced, than that these men are
now found upholding and maintain
ing their convictions and principles,
regardless OF consequences to them.
selves. Further proof in the same
regard is found in the confessed
difficulty the Government; finds in
Glling the places OF those dismissed
with competent persons, and in the
many miserable failures who have
substituted men Of capacity that
were among the earliest TO receive
the dirty kick Of the oligarchy. Ha.
wailans have never been seen To so
great advantage as during these
months "t "Xtrem" peril 10 their
national lir" aud personal rights,
and it would b- we'll for those in
power to mark il. The Government
have been forced to adopt policy
that they will find impossible Ia
carry out 'traightforwarlly without
hope!essly orippliug th" civil ser
Vice.
Wh,to IN the subject it !, learned
that r"rrnt So called impartial in
NestiEaticus have been conducted
by the president Of the innovation
club, sitting rs lnquisitor-in. Chief,
To make the combination complete
We would suggest that III" Chief
Justice, having publicly announrtal
his partisahship, be- also added Ia
the board {! examiners and tab" a
hand in tho work "f cleansing the
publ" service Of all who daic refuse
10 bear arms III support uf this omi-
nehtIy impartia! tribunal, lf the
executive Of the Annexation Club
would devote lis spare energies in
preparing essays and arguments tu
demonstrate the prospective advan
tages To accrue to Hawaii By annex
alton To anything, and can mainta ain
their position in debate on this
question, it will at last bc doing
something material toward the con,
summation Of the object in view
but to this date coercion, and not
argument, has been the Intellectual
weapon TO convince the very many
skeptics on this point.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-01-12

It appears the petition Of the
i"rt"r- and druggists. large pro
portion If them =. q. men, was
tabled instead Of referred to com.
lnittce in the Councils yesterday.
III" Councils are evidently getting
tnrd If their own muddling of the