The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1894-03-10
pUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

--r reSn Ion L get any
tips, sir?" Saloon Passenger-"Per-
haps; If storm comes Washing,
ton News.
Teacher = "Now, in parsing this
sentence, The poem was long, what
do you do with poem?" Johnnie-'.Put
1t in the waste basket. Inter Ocean.
Mrs. Hicks-"The girl broke only
one dish to-day" Hicks-"How did
that happen?" Mrs Hicks-"It was
the only one left. IN. Y. Herald.
-"My husband complains that I'm
sending him to the poorhouse." "And
mine scolds me when send him to the
bank. "-Munsey's Magazine.
The Court-"What is tine charge
against this man?' Patrolman-"Re-
sistin' officer" "What were the cir
cumstances?" II axed i'm for cigar,
an he told me to go to -."--Detroit
Tribune.
do you ever meet the Probusses,
who moved down here from Milwau-
keep" asked the visitor. Lord, no."
answered the Chicago lady. "They
amt in society. They're dead rank
outsiders. indianapolis Journal
-Customer-"How many yards are
in the piece?" Clerk-'srhis is whole
bolt; not yard has been cut off, and
there is not another piece Of goods like
it in the stock; it." Customer
"Well, then you'll have to show me
something else. l want enough for
sleeves. Inter Ocean.
Jimmy latter they have fallen
through the ice and been rescued)-
John! we'd better run for home, or
we'll catch cold" Johnny-'Don't you
fret about that! mall lick us so, when
we get there, we'll get warm enough"
Boston Traveller.
Wont you sing us something,
James?" said the mother-in-law, who
was paying the second visit to her
daughter within month. Certainly"
answered the son-in-law; 'what shall
/ sing?" Anything You like" Then
James sat down at the piano and sang,
"And the Cat Came Back. IN. Y. Press.
II understand you saw the play
last night" said She NO" replied
the melancholy young man, II was be-
hind the woman with high hat"
But you could at least sit comfortable
and enjoy the music NO, l was
next to the man who spreads himself
over three seats and keeps time with
his feet. "-Washington Star.
New her-in-Law-'Well,s sir, the
ceremony is over, and now that you
are the husband of my daughter, I
want to give you a little advice. What
would you do If you should wake up
some night and find burglars in the
house?' Bridegroom--T should tell
them that my father-in-law forgot to
give my wife wedding dowry, and
they'd go away."-Tit-Bits.
An English Methodist paper says
well-meaning local preacher recently
prayed that the Lord would 'anni-
hilate the queen and all the royal
family" When he learned afterward
what ''annihilate' meant he was great.
ly distressed. II dearly love the
queen" he said, ''and I thought she
deserved the longest word l could get
hold IN. Y. Tribune.
AS soon as woman marries 1t il
believed that she never again longs for
any social amusement young mar
ried woman was skating on the river
to-day, and there was great deal of in
dignation because she was not at home
setting yeast for the bread or making
ash lye. Some of the unmarried wp-
men who were indignant were great
deal older than the married culprit-
Atchison Globe.
Had Seen Better DayA-'This par
rot, ma 'am," said the dealer" is one
that l can recommend. 1t was in the
family of clergyman for many years."
swell, gents, whatll We havea Name
your pizenw exclaimed the parrot with
startling emphasis. HE was obliged
to part with it. however," continued
the dealer with an apologize cough,
land for the last year or two it has be-
longed to the alderman from our
ward. Chicago Tribune"