St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1894-08-12
ENOUGH OF SUBSTITUTES.
Home Made Bootblacking and the
embarrassment 1t Caused,

I'm Dafc3SSfnGnt IL caused,
Some gentlemen were discussing
current events in the lobby of the St.
George the other evening, when hopfen.
weiss, the new prohibition substitute
for beer, was drawn into the discussion,
says the Baltimore News. Some bad
tried the rev drink and pronounced it
equal in point Of flavor to the genuine
article. and various opinions were eX-
changed relative to the right of per-
sons to sell it in local option communi-
ties. II am not competent TO venture
an opinion upon that phase of the
question:" said one OF the party, "but
as rule the man who monkeys with
substitutes usually comes to grief in
one way or another. At any rate, that
is my experience. and [ will give you
case in point. Ia the early days of
Texas, when few of the modern con-
veniences that we now enjoy were OBJ
tainable, was living in the country,
working on farm. A man named
Brown lived near my fathers. Well
one day l learned that couple OF
young ladies were visiting Mr.. Brown
and family. OF course, now, / would
have to go over and see the young
ladies. l had tolerably good suit of
clothes, but my shoes were considerably
worn, and never having come in
contact with backing, very naturally
were tough and unpleasant to the sight.
SO l set about trying to hit upon
schemes whereby could improve the
complexion of NV shoes. Finally an
idea struck me and l smiled triumph
antlyaS l congratulated my self on my
ShrewdneSS. | would take some SCOT
from the chimney, use uolaS SEES as a
vehicle, as the druggists say, and polish
up my shoes with the compound. The
SCOT would certainly make the shoes
black enough and the molasses would
hold it on. Capital idea. Therefore [
got to work and soon had my substitute
ready and applied to the shoes.
1.-The effect was not to say artistic, but
it made the shoes black. and that was
the end l sought to achieve. A short
walk soon brought me to our neighbours,
where the girls were visiting, and on
my arrival l was invited into the room
which did service as parlOr. The
young ladies and had exchanged few
compliments relative to the Wea ther
when | unconsciously shifted my foot
on the floor. Then my heart sank with
in Inc and cursed the day that my
inventive talent got the upper hand of
me and | monkeyed with substitutes,
for when L moved my foot swarm
roared like bees. They had been
after the mOlasses OH my shoes. and the
shifting of my foot had put them to
flight. felt that my face was getting
unbecomingly red. and my nerve began
to fail me, but l made heroic effort to
renew the conversation and stand my
ground. But it was useless. | could
see that the girls were all but dying to
laugh, and reinforcements of flies were
constantly appearing upon the scene.
They roared and buzzed and fought each
other for first place on my shoes. Direct
ly heard Mrs. Brown from the other
room say: Johnnie, think 1 hear the
bees swarming. Go out and see about
Them That was too much. and,
gathering up my hat, babe the young
ladies a hurrId good-day aud departed,
enveloped III halo of flies as big as a
balloon. AS closed the gate behind
me heard Johnnie shout: Nav. the
bees amt a swarmiD'; they're after
that young Teller what just left here.
He's been stealth honey and they're
after him about it. Wush they'd sting
the trifiin' rascal to death, | do No,
gentlemen, no substitutes for me,
please. The bare mention of them
makes my hair pull"