The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-11-13
The Major Carries His Heart in a Sling
H~eartbroken and Downcast, but
Still a Democrat Too Sick
to ] ak, but Writes
His Will.

Still q OemOCGaG -" ! % SlSA
to ] ak, but Writes
His Will.
B.-"Hello! Mr.. Editor"
R-"Why, good morning, Major.
was afraid you wouldn't report this
morning. Glad you are not complete
" annihilated."
B-'I don't know whut you are
talkin' erbout, but I'm still in the ring.
NV hart il broke awl ter flinders. I'm
carry in it in a sling. Betsy she hes bin
jumpin' up an down ter sich an extent
that I'm nifty I've bin wantln
ter cum ter Raleigh an see how things
are goIn', but Betsy wouldn't let me. ]
wanted ter hev a talk with Capt Coke
an Mr.. Graham Hay wood. l knowed
in my mind that they could sOrter
cheer me up"
R.-"They are both feeling gloomy
but no doubt they would tell you all is
well that ends well, or something OF
that sort. What do you think of the
RESULT"
B.-"Well, l got somethin' writ out
I'll just send that ter you. Here 1t IL
Populist, State ov Co operation, U. 5
A., November 10, 1894. Mr. Editor. I
herewith submit my last will an tesla
mint. 4, Z7ke BIkins, ov the county
of PopulisU, State ov Co operation, Re-
publican, United States ov America,
am beaten out ov my butes, therefore
l will an bequeath ter the fellers Whut
beat me the county ov Wake, now
known az Populist, also the State ov
North KarOlIna, now called 'co-Opera
tion,' also the whole United States, eX
cept the township constable in Raleigh
an two Kongressmen In the State, II
they kin be found, which goes ter the
dymakrats. / awlsO Will ter the POpu
lists an Republicans awl that part Of
the United States y vim north ov the
Potomac river, beginning at a white
oak tree on the coast and running west
ter the Paslfick ocean, thence down
the coast ter Kalifornia, also awl Ov
the land YIN south Ov the Potomac
river, saws an except Virginia, Ken
lucky, Florida, part OF Georgia, Ala
bama and louisiana. To Judge NugenG
/ will an bequeath awl Ov the great
State of Texas an the 180, 600 Dy ma
KRAFT majority whut it used ter give,
with the excepshUn ov a few KOngress
men. If there be any township con-
stables IN North Carolina belOnglH' ter
the Dy'makrats an not menshuned in
mi will, I be queath them ter the proper
persons. l dispose ov this property In
this way an 1t Is to be held by the per
ons receiving 1t till they kant hold on
no longer. (Slgned) Zske BlIklns.
Witness, Betsy BIlklns.'"
R.-"Ralher a strange will, l should
say, but it seems that the persons or
parties mentioned are fully entitled to
it"
B.-'I reckon they are. I thought
we could steal the State, but the
blamed opposiJishun voted so much
that we couldn't. I reckon they'd be
votin' yit If we hadn'ta closed the polls
on them. I'm in a turrible fix"
R-"What, in your opinion, caused
the disaster to your party2"
B-"Btamed if / know. Reckon it
wuz 5 cent cotton, 40 cent wheat, an a
lack Ov money, demonetlzashun Ov sill
yer an the O5her things whut you said
Wuz a ruinin' ov the country"
R.-"But you said the Democratic
party and legislation were not respon
sible for that"
B.-'Well, dog gone it you fellers
kept a talkin, an writin' ter that fleet
till you have got erbout awl the folks
a belIevia' you. I sorter believe it
myself"
R.-'SGill you and others went and
voted for what you didn't want just
because you were ~prejudiced against
those who were telling you the truth"
B.-"Yes, I know, an az fer me I'm
a goin' ter do hat way ergin. I'm a
dymakrat ov dymakrats. I would
rather be wrong than rite. Hurrah!
fer Cievelan an Wall Street. Wen
git there yit. Betsy says we are done
fer, but l don't believe it. We dyma
krats don't care if cotton only brings
2 cents. We will still vote the ticket.
Gudebye."
We wants some good articles on Ali