Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-11-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Money talks; poverty also has
way of telling.
Character is what we are in the
dark. Rams Horn.
This is the next year you expected
SO much Of last year. r.-Atchison Globe.
He-"What do you think is the
way to win a woman?" .She-"Hers."
Puck.
Love never turns back because it
sees a mountain or hears lion roar.
Rams Horn.
No man would listen to you talk ii
he didn't know it was his turn next
Atchison Globe.
"Thou hast cured my heart Of aching, DEAR"
Said she.
"I'm doctor of divinity"
Quoth he.
Puck.
A Chicago astronomer thinks he has
discovered green on the moon. But
perhaps it's all in his eye.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Some men would have better wives
if they didn't growl SO much when
ever they give them little money
Rams Horn.
Clergyman-''Do you take this wo-
man to be your wife?" Politician
(absently)-'I authorize the use of
my name. Puck.
Blackston-'I don't see why you
wear your hair so short" Graymare-
"No; you don't know my wife,
New York Herald.
Clara-"Pm SO fond of music! I
want to play the piano awfully.
Laura--"Well, you do play it awful
ly."-New York Herald.
"What I tell my wife, goes" ''In-
deed?" eyes; she takes it to her
mother right away, and pretty soon it
is everywhere. "-Puck.
"What do you want to be, Fred
die, when you are man?" Freddie
--'I think 'twould be awful nice to be
an orphan. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Bancroft seems all upset and nerv-
Gus this morning do you know what's
wrong?" eyes; he caught the train
withoutrunning for it. Inter Ocean.
These be the days that bring to mo
A melancholy shock
The frost is on the pumpkin,
My overcoat In hook.
Philadelphia Record.
Every cloud has a silver lining, but
the knowledge makes it only the more
gloomy to the fellow who is on the
wrong side of it.-Kate Fields Wash
ington.
The Importance of doing one thing
at % time is illustrated by the fact
that no steamship has ever broken the
record and her shaft on the S. me trip.
Philadelphia Ledger.
And now the man of family
Shows worry in his looks,
For John and Tom and Sue and Bess
Must all have new school books.
Kansas City Journal.
Grant Allen has written an article
on the decline in wedlock. The title
is an absurdity. If she declines there
is no wedlock. And when there is we'd.
lock she hasn't declined.-Brooklyn
Eagle.
An Irishman asked Scotchman one
day why railroad engine was always
called ''she." Sandy replied: "Per-
haps it's on account of the horrible
noise it makes when it tries to
whistle. ."-Pearson's Weekly.
The soul Of the impecunious man
Is filled with dose of the blues,
For he's trying to figure out how they will
look
When he blackens his tan-colored shoes.
brooklyn Eagle.
Robbie-''I'm going to be pirate.
like Captain Kidd, when l grow up"
Charlie-'I'm going to be train
robber like Jesse James. Johnnie-.
"Well, amt. I'm going to keep a
summer hotel, like Uncle Jake. -
Truth.
At the railway ticket Office: Chow
much for my little grip" ''She is FREQ
if under four" "But she will occupy
a seat all the same" "Makes no diff
ference" ''In that case how much
discount will you gi7e me on my
ticket if leave her at home? ?"-Flie.
gende Blaetter.
''It must be pretty hard work
pounding the pavement with that
great rammer," said the idler.
"Shure," said Mr.. Grogan, sit is not
tn droppin' av TIL thing on tn
sbtones thot is tn har.rd work. at
all. It is the liftin' av it up."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Ethel-"Here is the loveliest house
coat that bought for Tom, and he
doesn't seem to care for it the least
bit" Clara--s'I can tell you how to
make him value it above everything"
Ethel-.'Oh, how?" Clara "Tell
him that you've gives it away to some
poor man. Boston Post.