Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1894-03-28
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

1OG dG lllS llIl6 Ill Tie morning NUS
band" Brek' flush. "-PearSon'S Weekly.
IN LAWYER S OfFIcE-Senior Partner
"Shall we go out and take something %
Junior Partner-"From whom pr
| Vogue.
SPEAKING of capital punishment, it is
| generally q case of poor execution when
a woman undertakes to hang wall-pa-
per.-BuBaIo Courier
LUCY-"And you're going to marry
that rich old fellow Do you realize
what you're doing?" Molly" Certain
ly, coming the seniorage n'-PlGin
! Dealer.
"AND now" said the new secretary,
''yez may all rise, an whin | call the
roll livery wan who is prisint may sit
down; all the rist remain sthandin'."
-ElnIir0 Gazette.
EMpLoYEE-"Why were you dismissed
from your last place ?" Servant-"Be-
cause just once | got drunk" En-
| ployer-"H How long were you employed
there ?" Servant-"One day w-FGje-
ge,ede BIgtter.
DUEL Up TO DArE.-'T challenge you
to duel" accepted" Your choice
Of weapons-da2ger or pistols? %
Neither. Winter ascent of Mont
Blanc-rOtten rope-three feet dis
| JduCc. - ttCQCfICG DtttLCI.
HICKS Gin the graveyard, reading a
tombstone Sacred to the memory Of
! Thomas Slendermind." Wicks-"Y es !;
isn't it ridiculous? Slendermind was
the most torgetful fellow that ever
| lived. "-BOst0e Transcript.
YoUNGPEN-'Do you think it will pay
to publish anything about the affair :?
1t is matter which can concern nobody
| but the parties themselves" Oldboy-
That's just it. It's nobody's business !;
| every body'll want to read all we can
print about it"-BoSton Transcript
"BUT, papa walled the young wom-
an, you can have no idea how he loves
me. He is willing to die for me this
very minute" WELL" said the old
man. scratching his head thoughtfully,
u don't know as | have any objection
to that. ! was afraid he wanted to
marry you. It'd BITS.
THERE is good deal of quarreling in
this world, and IN few weeks we may
! look to see the trees come to blows
LoaCeU Courier.
THE aggregate copies Of American
papers issued in 1880 were 2,077, $50 675.
4 CHANGING committee" at art eXhi-
| billions is SO called because it keeps the
! artists in suspense OnkerS Gazette.
AsKEM-"I thought that Simpsons
fever had gone off," Torker-''So it
did, but Simpson went off with ii. -
| Vogue
\ GIRL is not considered a good singer
until she las caused concert to be
postponed because she has cold
| 1tchjs0B Globe.
SHE-"Who is that gruf old man you
just spoke to ?'' He-"Oh, he has some
| thing to do with the civil service -
| I0nkcrs Statesman.
PAssENGER-''I say, conductor, there's
an old gentleman falling off the bus. :"
Conductor-'That all right; he's paid
his fare. "-Pearson's Weekly.
NELE-"What are you reading? '
Belle-"'A Model Man It's dread
fully stupid" Nell-"Yes; they usual
~ are. "-PhilGdeIp5i0 Record.
AcroR-'He can play drunken parts
better than any one in the profession.
Manager-'Yes ; but the trouble is he
Is too fond Of rehearsing. It'd
WHEN a man loses an umbrella it be-
gins to grow on him right away what g
good umbrella that was and how nicely
the handle was fitted to his hand
SomerUiNc Journal.
Mrs WATTs-t'I saw in the paper the
! other day that it is impossible for man
to kick with full force when there is
nothing to kick at" Mrs Potts-'I'H
bet no married woman wrote that "-IIa-
djanapoIts Journal.
YES, man is the stronger yessel-but
he has to be often bailed out Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Mosr men look out for number one;
most women claim to look out for num-
Der tWo-at the hoe-store.- ,SJt-
jngS.
MISS TRILI-'I love to hear the birds
sing" Jack Downright warmly $50
do l. They never attempt piece be-
yond their ability. ''-1Ed-B Bis.
~ HEAR your son has become an
actor; how is he getting on ?'' ''Verv
we'll indeed. He began as a corpse.
and now he has already advanced to
the role of a ghost. "-FHegend B1atter
II DECLARED don't know what to do, )"
unused DR.. Fizzick. Here's old Mr..
Goutley kicking about my charges. and
he's too good q customer to cure. -
! Philadezphia Record.
SHE-''Where did Miss Fosdick get
her lovely golden hair-from her father
or her mother?' Maude-"She must
have got it from her father [ notice
his is all gone. Brooklyn Life.
MOTHER think that my little
Ethel should have spoken SO imperti-
nently to papa to-day at dinner! She
never hears me talk that way to him. !"
Ethel (stoutly)-"W Well, but you choosed
him, and didn't. "-Brooktyn Life.
WING-"There seems to be more dis
position to enforce the excise laws"
King-'Y Yes. In my neighborhood last
Sunday the side doors were SO carefully
watched that the saloon keepers had to
admit customers by the front door, -
Puck
WELL, Mary, what did you think of
the pictures at the Academy" ''Oh,
mum, there was a picture there called
Two Dogs, after Landseer, but looked
at it for nearly half an hour and I
couldn' see no Landseer. "-Spare No
D3ents.
REMEMBER, Witness" sharply ex-
claimed the attorney for the defense,
you are on oath p ''There amt no