The Washington times., 1894-05-20
After Dinner Stories.

After Dinner Stories.
A few evenings ago while running from
Williamsburg to Cincinnati n the Kentucky
Central, a newly married couple got on from
the Bluegrass regions. They were just of
for that most delightful season, the cloudless
honeymoon. They occupied a birth in a
sleeper and the cooling dove-like, and
attracted the attention of some and distracted
others. Finally the w;nsome bride said,
I'm going to get drinS of water. When /
come back, stick your foot oCt OF the berth SO
won't make mistake" When she turned
to come back, every foot in every birth was
exposed.
Oscar Wilde was introduced at a recent
garden party in London to Mrs 0sgood, OF
| Knebworth House. In the course of few
minutes't Tx it was divuiged that the lady
was on the eve OF departing for America.
| "Going to America p said Oscar; ''deah me:
what for, now?" ITO see my husband" was
! the reply Oscar stared sleepily at her in as
tonishmept. Dropping languidly into chair,
he said: "Going all the way to America to
see your own" with accent on the own
"husband2 Deah me! What alovely ideah!'
In Illinois and some other states there Is an
| old law on the statute books to the effect that
| as well az the facts" Though not often
quoted, once in while lawyer with des-
| perate case makes use OF it. In one case the
judge instructed the jury that it was to judge
of the law as well as the facts, but added that
it was not Judge OF the law unless it was fully
satisfied that it knew more law than the
judge.
An outrageous verdict was brought in con-
trary TO all instructions OF the court, who felt
called upon to rebuke the jury. At last one
old farmer arose:
.Jedge." said he, weren't we to jedge the
| law as well as the facts!"
Certainly" was the response, "but told
you not to Judge the law unless you were
clearly satisfied that you knew the law better
than l did"
'well. iedge," answered the farmer, as he
shifted his quid little. 1--WE considered that
pint"
| Once during the argument in a lawsuit. in
which Lincoln represented one party, the law
| yer on the other side was good deal of n
| glib-talker, but not reckoned as deeply pro-
| found or much of thinker. He would say
anything to a jury which happened to enter
his head. Lincoln. in his address to the jury,
| referring to this. said:
MY friend on the other side is all right, or
would be all right. were it not for the pecul-
iarity am about to chronicle. His habit, of
! which you have witnessed a very painful
specimen in his argument to you in this case,
! OF reckless assertion and statements without
grounds. need not be imputed to him as n
| moral fault, or as telling OF a moral blemsh.
| He cant help 1t. For. reasons which. gentle
men of the jury you and l have not the time
to study here, as deplorable as they are sur
| prising. the oratory OF the gentleman COM
pleteiy depends all action of his mind. The
moment he begins to talk his mental opera.
| tons cease. / never knew OF but one thing
! ticular. This was small steamboat. Back
| in the days when l performed my part as
| keel boatman. l made the acquaintance OF
| trifling steamboat which used to bustie and
puff and wheeze about the Sangamon river I
had ive-foot boiler and seven-foot whistle,
and every time it whistled it stopped"
A travelling man occupied seeping-car
and desired to leave the train at Syracuse
Calling the porter he said: Il wish to get off
at Syracuse. am sound sleeper. and want
to be put off at Syracuse. asleep or awake
Now, here's dollar, but don't forget me-"
''Al right, sir. you ii come OIL the train sure"
was the reply. The travelling man settled
down to peaceful sleep. At last, waking with
a start, he glanced at his watch and found
Syracuse must have been passed an hour ago.
Hastily dressing. he searched the ear in no
pleasant mood, and found the porter at last
with one eye closed and one arm tied in a
sling and presenting demoralized appear
ance generally. Here, you black scoun-
drel!' ne exclaimed. why didn't you put me
off at Syracuse The porter gave terrified
glance at the gentleman US he said. For de
Lawd sake, VINO was dat man put of ut
SyracuseY'
Some years ago an old deacon in Pennsyl-
vania was very self-willed. and on two or
three occasions made endless trouble in
church. After some years they got started
again. but another row soon broke out At
last the church clerk got up and said: 'Breth-
ren and sisters. l wish Deacon Jones was in
hell The new paster and the members were
horrihej. and the pastor said: Brother
Smith, such remark is unkind and unchris-
tian. Why do you use such expressions?"
well, PASTOR" he replied, Il calculate II
Deacon Jones was in hell about six months
he would bust it up"
A young globe-trotter. bearing an illustri-
Gus French name, was holding forth during
dinner in the Fou5ourg st. German at Paris
about the love'iness OF the island of Tahiti,
and describing IN glowing coiors the marvel
Gus beauty OF the women.
With the Object OF learning whether the
young traveller had restricted his observations
to the fair sex, as one might nave been
tempted to believe from the tenor of his re-
MARKS one OF the Barons RothchiId, who was
marked anything else worthy Of note in con-
nectIon with the island.
Resenting the baron's inquiry, he replied:
"Yes, what struck me much was that there
were no Jews and no pigs to be seen there"
SIS that SOP exclaimed the baron, in no
wise disconnected at this insolence. "Then
let you and me go there together. We shall
make our fortune"
Harriet Hosmer tells of an incident which
occurred in her studio, where her statue Of
Apollo rested. An old lady was being shown
around, Mrs. Raggles. and she paused be-
fore this masterpiece for long time. Finally
she exclaimed: 80 that's Apoller, is it?''
She was assured that it was. supposed to
be the barnsomest man In the world, warn't
hep"
She was again assured of the correctness
Of her surmise. Then, turning away, she
said, disgustedly: "wal, I've seen Apoller
and I've seen Raggles, an say, give me
Raggies!"
At the District Buildings.
The Commissioners recommend favorable
action on Senate bill 2009, ITO establish a free
public and departmental library and reading
r oom in the District of Columbia" In the
opinion Of the Commissioners, the District Ia in
H.