davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-10-12
PROGRESS.

ofsuch an agent-hence the great popularity
Of Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets. These are
made from the puTest, most refined and
concentrated vegetable extracts, and from
forty two TO forty four are contained in
each vial, which is sold at the same price
as the cheaper made and more ordinary
pills found in the market In curative vir-
tues, there is no comparison 10 be made be-
tween them and the ordinary pills. as any
one may easily learn by sending for free
sample, flour to seven doses) Of the Pei
lets, which will be sent on receipt Of name
and address on postal card.
ONCE USED THEY ARE ALWAYS IN FAVOR.
The Pellets cure biliousness, sick and
bilious headache, dizziness, costveness, or
constipation, sour stomach, loss of appetite,
coated tongue, indigestion, or dyspepsia,
windy belchings, heart burn" pain and
distress after eating, and kindred derange-
ments of the liver stomach and bowels.
Put up in glass walls, therefore always
fresh and reliable. One little "RSuet"
is laxative, two are mildly cathhtic.
AS dinner pill" to promote digestion,
take one each day after dinner To relieve
distress from over-eating, they are un-
equaled. They are tiny, sugar-coated
granules any child will readily take them.
Accept no substitute that may be recon-
inended TO be just as good" II may be
better /or the dealer, because Of paying him
a better profit, but he Is not the one who
needs help. Address for free sample,
WORLDS DfsPENsARY MEDICAL ASSo-
CITATION, 663 Main Street, Buffalo, n. Y.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09

and when the train was running by ite
own momentum.
AS TO Joe, he saw that everything
was done, or being done, and he sat
there like a block of marble. His
drunkenness was all gone. His first
words were-and he spoke like a mar
talking in his sleep:
well, boys I'll never get drunk any
more as long as I live
mo, l s'poae not replied Eben, as
ne gave the lever another jerk, for
probably you won't live more than a
quarter Of a minute
"Jumpif you want to, Joe answered
l hope I will die if the trun gets
smashed. But-that craft isn't NOV
ing; the end of the bridge is swinging
towards us
That's SO; they are shutting it. God
help US, we may be saved yet
Sure enough the bridge was rapidly
swinging into place. The tender had
evidently Q US coming, and was
trying to close the draw against we
came up, but it was a doubtful case.
eve had got so near that we could
see the man on the bridge working as
If his own life, not ours, depended on
his efforts. Eben was huggine the
lever with all his might, and Joe had
convulsively grasped n of the for
ward faucets as if to steady himself,
and for the last Eve seconds of that
awful suspense I do not believe there
was a single heart beat on the engine.
"Three ticks more of the clock and
we should have rolled over the abut-
ment, but with a thud the bridge
swung 60 its place, and we were on it
and passing over safe and sound.
God bless you, Smith, shouted Joe
to the bridge tender, as we ran past,
and he waved his cap with wild joy.
I'VE afterward learned that the
bridge was opened to let a small YES
sci pass, but the bridge tender heard
the train and knew by the sound that
it was coming at an unusual rate of
speed. S~uspecting something was
wrong, he signaled the vessel to stop,
and closed the bridge as quick as he
could, and as it proved, just in time to
save us all from destruction"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09
H GOLDEN CALF.

In the course of a talk to a young
man on 1.-THE Golden Calf" Robert j.
Burdette said: sit is a good thing to
be rich, my boy; but money is not the
best thing in the world. Idoubt some
times whether it is even one of the best
things. I know that men do the wick
eldest things in the world for the sake
of it. Get rich if you can, honestly,
and fairly and ~unselfshly; but do not
be in a hurry about it. It is a curse Of
the age into which you have been born
this greedy haste to be rich; this
branding every thought and every
plan and every hope and aspiration
with the dollar mark, until the mans
soul must look to the angels who can
see it, like a show window at q ire
duction SALE" with everything in it
tagged with a price. And the price is
frequently a lie in the window and the
soul. Men want to be rich; there isno
great Wickedness in that; but they
want to be rich right away; and there
Is JILL ONA III VAhgs n A40A RAOAOO al
acorn in the morning, and says, I am
going to cut a thousand rails from that
oak tree before the sun goes down, and
then spits on his hands, grabs the ak
helve, and gets ready to cut down the
tree and maui rails out Of it; if your
farm Joins his, you want to watch him,
my boy. That fell7w will cut into
your wood lot; that mar will steal rails;
sure as the multiplication table, he
will, He wants rails, and he knows,
and you know, that he will get them
out of that acorn that he has just
planted, by the time when he says he
will. That's the Dwiggins school Of
fnanciering. The higher the rate of
interest, the poorer the security. The
greater and the speedisr the promised
returns, the more risky the investment.
The path of Napoleonic fnanciering
leads to the penitentiary or into
Canada.
Don't make haste to be rich, If you
never get rich. Get back into the
quiet, patient, sweet old ways of your
grandfather and your old grandmother,
whose faces you remember to this day
as a dream of peace"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09
SHE FIGURED ON DIAMONDS.

us the society editor int" she asked,
as she entered the room, says the
Chicago Post. She was a determined
looking woman, with sharp eyes and
an air that seemed to say. II know
my business if I am from the country"
II am the society editor" said the
young man at the corner desk. What
can I do for you3"
"Well, I'm engaged" she said, in a
business like way.
Engaged to be married." he asked.
''Sure," she replied. "Do you think
I came up here to tell you 1 was en-
gagged as a cashiers"
mo, no; not at all, he assured her.
'If you'll give me your name and the
name of your"
''Never mind the name just now,"
she interrupted. 'You printed some
thing about plain gold engagement
rings being fashionable"
Eyes, remember such a paragraph"
Did Jim tell you to do thatf"
"Who's Jimi"
"He's the man I'm engaged to-Jim
Reynolds"
"Why, I don't even know him."
"And he didn't put you up to print
ing thatY"
Certainly not"
"Honest"
81 give you my word. But why do
you asks"
"Well, sometimes l have my doubts
about jim. He wanted to buy me a
plain gold ring, but I told him dia-
monds were none too good for me.
Then he said that plain gold vas the
correct thing, but I told him he could
not pull the wool over my eyes with
that kind of a story. 1t had got to be
diamonds or the engagement was off.
He seemed kind of convinced then, but
the next day he brought me that paper
of yours saying that plain gold was
fashionable, and I thought likely he'd
come around here and gave you a dol
lar to print that"
I'VE wouldn't have printed it for
him if he had"
"Sure9"
Certainly. You can't get those items
put in for money"
"Well," she said with a sigh. 81
suppose it'll have to be plain gold then,
but I'd sort of figured on diamonds. I
reckon I took the wrong eason to get
engaged. seems hard, doesn't itG"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09

the trestle from which / had been
thrown, and I noticed that the train
was on the point of moving off. With
q mighty effort / pulled the horses
heads into a bank, sprang from the
wagon, rushed up the bank and caught
the rear car as the train was moving
away.
THE train had been stopped by a
slight obstruction on the track, which
only required a few minutes for its re-
moval I had been thrown from a
bridge, participated in two exciting
runaways and was back In the train,
all inside of five minutes Cincinnati
Tribune.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09
poetry.
PROGRESSIVE FARN1R.l
Iwrtten for T IEF OLD cow DIED
TIE TON1 ON.

5Tprssns for TgF F' OLD COW Did
ne TUNE ON.
ora man an ne naU
.rssre was sn 7, thin ter Iee IGlaTed her this tune:
4 be ha ont : : is fddle a an
HbsgtiSder,g GOO G0ssrr fur the grass yer 6rO"'
S0b'1nO time noo9 : cow, consider "-Olu 0On
I~6Snsder' sOO ,.rtv, NV offs twas OUT
Ira VS. anb he out it was DIGIear II sed:
nsS ii ter DC TnIIstfoTm, an heres "n9'AV
.t wrIt oaI good people, co AZ, tariff reform;
HsETensider, Z free coinage an arn
N~Gis1sider' sU' nounted ther platform in gles.
,aople they .E4roightway they rid her.
q :, Ter vet r4 d so[ turned ter Their party An
ed ,,.- good party, co99s IS dSGnt oui. K;
p6%onsideL,g in offs, now 90 aoUUU S
ne gg But y good party consider
So. nav groun' an medder;
&c work in yer IN TT~e1gEsIat- bredin yer mouths,
I%GG65Ssider' cOHitt he done, an we haven't tlme'
flis l9 ldef, consider, consider
Consul. nsopls growled loud meath the r
dsns they t oCEsi upon Orphen an wilder;
Tr tnebb osseS replying Wo4 gd sooin
'aat8OnsidfsrT,r P }ber people that q thsr mer-
o,.sss s9dRi bin. fools, consider"
VS'O ola marty will shorely git left;
SaGt fall INA tT Couid hardly be dedder'
j. door nan viii write on Their board at Its
Az the people Will
head: ri+e dide Nv consider;
"TIis hyPoGIL WoTds an obCyed its advice,
IA killed thef OT0 s II. BRIsHT.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09

But Finally He Made the Notice Say
What He Meant.


The modern newspaper Office boy,
although seldom a thing Of beauty, is
to the weary toilers on the street a Joy
forever. In the editorial room he is
an invincible monarch of all he sur.
veys, and woe betide the man who
lightly springs up the stirs in search of
the gore of the editor, says an exchange.
Net at the top of the fight by the
Office boy, his courage oozes out of him
like water from a sieve, when the
young Spartan asked grufdy, "Wot
dye WANT" Should no answer be
forthcoming the a~dventurer might just
as well hope to enter heaven without
the permission of st. Peter as to enter
the sanctum's door without the ap-
prevail Of the young king.
Every n in the Office recognizes
that in him is combined every position
from that of managing editor to the
newly-electwho searches out the news
along the docks, and no matter hew
much a stickler for rules he may be,
HO " P0SOCO OA VAO OuCA dAu GO4O o2Gb
he's a good fellow. The other day the
Tourists, who is also one of the Office
boys undertakings, noticed him busily
engaged upon a notice, which he
fully tackled to the editorial room door.
It read:
"Shut the Door Before You Leave"
Some one of the common news
hustlers took exception to this and
wrote beneath the sign: whats the
matter with shutting the door after
you leavei" Then another man became
funny and wrote: who's order is
that, anyways" And still another
wrote on the sign: "What shall we
do, stay here all the timer The office
boy couldn't imagine what was the mat
ter with the order. For days he would
stand in front of it, scratch his head,
and then turn away. Morning after
morning he came to the Office without
his usual confident smile. Finally he
solved the mystery and now the sign
reads as follows: shut the door az
you leave"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09
ALLEGED FUN.

Teacher-Who was the first mani
First Boy-George Washington.
Teacher-Next.
Second Boy-Adam.
First Boy GndIgnantly)-I didn't
know you meant foreigners. Boston
Globe.
Hans Mickey, watts der difference
between capital and labor eh3
Mike-'Tis just this, Dutchy, you
lend me tin cents.
Hans-Velli
Mike-Well, that's capital. Now thry
to get it back-that's labor. Sect
81 neve in all my life," said a
clergyman to his wife, after a sermon
in Westminster abbey, $50 touched the
congregation. They were e~ntranced;
every eye was upon me from the first
word to the last" mo wonder" said
his wife; your gloves were inside your
hat, and when you took it off they re
manned on the top of your head all
through the sermon. It'd Bits.
One Of the stories that has drifted
out of the Plaisance into the ne VS.
papers 10 of the mosque there, where
prayers were said daily at regular
intervals for the natives. A pious
woman passing accosted a young ORR
entail and chatted with him, finishing
with O nod toward his prayer house
and the remark: II hope you go to
church every Sunday, like a Christian."
mo" was the quick reply; Il go every
day, like Turk. "-BOstOn Transcript.
Ill fares it with the man who has the
temerity to try his wit on an Irishman.
When Lord Thurlow first opened a
lawyers Office in London, he took a
basement room previously occupied by
a cobbler. He was annoyed by the
former occupants callers, and irritated
because he had few of his own. One
day an Irishman entered. 1.-THE cob
bler's gone I &c.," he said. 81 should
think he had" ,tartly responded the
lawyer. "And what do you sells" in
auired the Trishman. "Blockheads, "
responded Thurlow. "Begorra," said
Pat, "ye must be doing a mighty fine
business. Ye amt got but one leftT'
A correspondent, w. O., of Broad
head, Wis, sends us the following
original funny sayings: Recently our
teacher was hearing a class of small
scholars in geography when he asked
them what a hemisphere is, but no
one knew. The teacher told them that
it is half of a sphere or ball; he then
asked what is a sphere. One little one
answered promptly, "It's the other
half" He recently brought a Their
mometer to school in a box. One asked
what was in the box, another answered
that it is a thermometer. Another
little girl heard it, and upon being
asked by another one, answered, 1T is
the teachers vomiter," which she mis-
took for thermometer.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09
He PRIZES THE BANDAcE.
The Life of a Young Mar Saved by the
Petticoat of a Fair Texan.

Life Of q Young Man Saved by the
Petticoat of a Fair Texian.
Arthur Kaufman, a young Mem
phlan who was in the wreck On the
Wabash road, arrived home with his
head bound up in a bloody white band
age, which he regards as his most
precious possession. He says gold and
Jewels couldn't buy that strip of clOtb.
Kaufman says that when the collision
came something hit him, and he lost
consciousness. When he regained his
senses, he was lying beside the wreck
OF the car, bleeding copiously from a
deep cut on the head and unable to
help himself. Juot as he was about to
FAINT again from weakness, an awfully
pretty girl came up and spied him.
She was Miss Taylor, of Jefferson,
Texas, who had escaped injury in the
wreck.
She realized at once that the young
man would bleed to death il not at
tended to. Without a moments hest
tation she whipped off her petticoat
and tearing out a strip, bound it tightly
on Kaufman's head. The bleeding
vas checked and his life saved. To
say that he feels deeply grateful to the
fair Texan would be drawing it very
mildly and he VOWS he will keep the
bandage as long as he lives. Memphis
Cor. st. Louis Republic.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

The African king Prester John never
had an existence.
In the treasures Of the Vatican there
is a pearl valued at 500, 600.
There never was such a person as
Pope Joan, the so called female ponth.
William Tell did not found tile Swiss
confederation, and the story of Gessler
has no historic basis.
There is no historic authority for the
statement that little George Washing
ton cut down the cherry tree,
Wellington at Waterloo did not say:
up, guards, and at 'eml" The words
were put into his mouth by an imagin-
alive writer. -,
The mother Of Cariolanus did not
intercede with her son to spare Rome.
Thestory has no better foundation than
that of Horatius.
Charlemagne's paladins had no ex-
i~stence, and the history of C~harlemagne
himself is so clouded by myth as to be
utterly unreliable.
A man at Stamford, N. Y, has the
watch Maj. Andre offered as a ransom
to his captors. He has documents TO
prove that it is genuine.
The story of King Arthur and his
round table is a myth, although what
purports to be the round table is still to
be seen in a south of England town.
There is no reason to believe that
Tarquin insulted Lucretia. His power
was overthroWn in a popular tumult,
which is the only basis for the story.
The sedan chair that was used~-hY
King Charles Is consort, Queen Hen
rietta, of France, has been placed in
the Vandyck room at Windsor castle.
Pocahontas did not save the life Of
John Smith. It has been ascertained
that this worthy man was the most
able bodied prevaricator of his century.
The sword carried by Col. Ethan
Allen when he demanded the surren-
der of Fort Ticonderogais on exhibition
at inc uhb4Oudl mAS0uA dV V0S4
ington.
In the Hawaiian language there is
no word meaning weather. The eason
is that there Is no weather worth men
tioning, the climate being about the
same the year round.
In the Vatican library there is a
treatise on dragons, a manuscript in a
single roll three hundred feet long and
a foot wide, the material of which is
said to be the tanned gut of a great
dragon"
One of the great glaciers of North
Greenland has been named after Mr..
George w. Childs, the distinguished
Philadelphia editor. The name was
given it by Prof. HeiIprin, the leader
of the Peary relief expedition last
year.
The change in the meaning of words
is very interesting. For instance, to-
day nothing would so incense a boy IS
to be called an idiot, and yet that is the
wordthat used to be used to distinguish
private citizens from public officials By
the Athenians.
MHE
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-09

An umbrella, aged 1Os years, is the
property of Mr.. John Bickel, of Harris
burg, Pa. Ithas large whalebone ribs,
heavy blue silk cover and stout ivory
handle. In age it stands pre-eminent.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15

NXIMEREAs. William !. Mcdonald and Dan
wv Mcdonald. did on the 18th day Of April
the following described chnIteln, tO.wit: One
bay mare, hine years old. with smnll spot in
face. to secure the payment Of two hundred and
rixty.hye (:.i'oO) dollars, TO George Cross.
And whereas, default has been nude In the
terms OF said mortgage by reason Of refusing to
due thereon at the date hereof. is two hundred
and sixty-eight dollars and thirty cents (SsGs sG)
Now, therefore. notice is hereby given. thai
~ virtue OF said mortgage, and by order OF said
yell the above described cllattels at post office
III iembinn, county Of Pembina. North Dakota.
at the hour Of two O'Clock +. N. of the s3rd day
Of June A. u. 1894.
Dated ut Perlbina, county Of Pembina, North
DAKOTA. this 18th day Of June A. ID. 1924.
FRANK l.OCKwoOD,
AitnIi
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15

Wanted; active, honest gentleman
or lady, to travel representing estab-
lished, reliable house. Salary $65
monthly and travelling expenses, with
increase, IL suited. Enclose reference
and self.addrcssed stamped envelope.
il-54 TIE DOMINION.
81 Omaha Building, Chicago.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15
Dental Notice

:. DR.. Rose, dentist, will be
Wo41 in Pcmbina from the LIST
to the 18th, Ncche from the 10Th to
the Goth; Dathgatc from the 2lst to
the 25th; Hamilton from the 18th to
9th; Cavalier 2sth to end of month.
This will be followed up until further
notice.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15
Bucklen's Arn,ca salve.

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum,
fever sores, letter, chapped hands,
chilblains. corns and all skin eruptiOns
and positively cures piles, or no pay
required. 1t is guaranteed to give per
feet satisfaction, or money refunded.
Price Is cents per box. For sale by
IT. r.. SHAW & Co.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15
Cheap Grass Seed.

| have a lot of Grass Seed for
sale very cheap. Timothy, Mil.
let, German Millet, Hungarian,
Red Top, Blue Grass, Lawn Grass,
Clover etc. Come in and sec me
before buying elsewhere.
70 H. e. FELDMAN.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15
Plymouth Rock to Mckinley,

The famous document entitled
"American Tariffs from Plymouth
Rock to Mckinley" go pages,) publish.
ed by the American Protective Tariff
League, has just been revised and re.
issued. 1t should be in the hands of
every person who wishes complete and
reliable information upon the tariff.
Sent to any address for 10 cents. Add
ress Wilbur +. Wakeman, General
Secretary, No 135 West 23rd Street,
New YOak. 46tf
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15
Hans D..,.,aer,.acAel'. Lamen NJ.

Town Ave. A. we marched and chesrsd,
Vas -four yeafa more for KrOver,"
Der pfsss band played hip, hip, hnIRah.
We'll turn dis country Ofef!
Bot, ach! Ills more den Won year sgo
Dat ve turned do county ofsf
IND visited for dOfe promised dimes
Ven We should lii In clofer.
But we're, oh, we're arc desc good dimes
Dot 'ehanSe" yos sure 10 bring:
We're 10 dot great br0ebeyity
vich der Muckwumps loud did sing?
DIS r. Won very bad bshness.
Mein work it, all played ondt.
Mein wife she scOld, meln childufn kry
For de leaf and de sauerkraut,
Mein pockstboOk Let all played Oudt,
But Iph vOted for der ''change:"
Carl Schurx he fool mo Very nutch
On der free tsAdeslte tes ISpgS:
Bat, srhi dot makes now nOdnGs Oudt
Youse NO fool me nehosmore;
Mckinley be right on protection site
From Maine to der Faetac shose.
0eorra A Gal
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15
Standard Bred Stallion. for Sale

"von r." vol. l2O2, and "Cochaus
BouQuettc." Both Of the celebrated
N. w. Kittson stock, will be sold on
easy terms, or trade for farm land.
II. Apply to L. f. BOOKER,
pcmhina.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15
Coming.

To the Pembina Photographic Studio
to stay Friday and Saturday, June 18th
and 10th, and will be prepared to
anything in my line in the
lates styles and at price that will be
within the reach of all.
A. II. ANDERSON,
38tf Photographer.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15

WE arc in receipt Of an invitation
to attend the commencement cxer.
ciscs OF the Drayton high school.
From the program we should expect
a interesting and instructive enter
tainment IL we we're able to attend.
A Baccalaureatc serm0L ON Sunday,
by Rev. II. P. Copper, an entertain
ment by the Aurora Literary Society,
on June 10Th, a lecture on Yosemite,
by Rev. May, on Wednesday, and
class exercises, Friday evening. June
22nd are the principal features.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1894-06-15
Leroy.

~0xVys
Henry Klvnc has removed to Tyner.
When will the next wedding bc?.
~. Dcsmarais has sold his store
building to John Noice.
The grain is growing nicely but
some rain would do 1t much good.
l.. Gcroux, Of West Superior, was
visiting with Mr.. and Mrs. A, Dcsma.
rails last week.
The gopher hunt last week was
quite a success. over 800 gophcrs hav-
Ing been killed in all.
On Friday night the young people
assembled at Mr.. Chas, DaIzcll's and
enjoyed a grand dance.