Arizona republican., 1894-04-29

ther disseminate information that Mayor E. F. Kellner is on earth.
 In our minds eye we can see that un. likely event of his election as mayor. We fancy we can now see him negotiat. ing wit a jeweler for 8 smaller watch chain sign bearing the word MA YORI to be appended to that other watch chain just as John Smith the successful dealer in groceries and provisions, whose busi- ness has been extended into transac- tions in fish and oysters, may have a sign painted setting forth the circum- stances of Mir. Smiths aggrandizement and which sIgn is to be suspended, and creak in the wind from his earlier sign of 'John Smith Dealer in Groceries and Provisions. We fancy we can see Mr. Kellner as mayor doing all sorts of amusing things; we imagine we can see him making addenda to the already generous information concerning him. self contained in his bill and letter heads and setting forth 8 fact some what as follows: ALSO E. F. KELLNER MAYOR.
 In our imagination following Mir. Kellner through his ridiculous career in his several capacities as money loan- CT. banker, proprietor of 8 half dozen stores, proprietor of as many ranches and stock farms, stage agent, summer resident at Coronado Beach, pay agent for countless mining companies, lumber yard proprietor, owner of the Pinal mountains, high-muck- -a-muck of the city of Phoenix, we see in a pretentious cemetery an ornate monument declar- ing to the world that E. F. Kellner is no more.
 The epitaph we fancy will be begun as follows: "Sacred to the memory of E. E. Kellner etc." followed by an en- gravure from one of his bill heads and presenting such incidents from his official life as are calculated to further enhance his earthly fame. This monotonous information is reliev- ed by engravings of monograms, tandem
 pony teams and ponderous watch chains.
 We might trace Mir. KeIlner to the gates of the hereafter, for his vanity is
 as infinite as. eternity. and hear him
 making terms with Peter or Pluto for
 inscribing upon the walls of his future abode, pleasing and fulsome descrip- tions of what he had been on earth.
 As we have said before we believe MT. Kellner will do all this at his own
 expense. As g private citizen there is
 nothing really reprehensible or crimi f nal in Mr. Keller's superb vanity. Ii is not for bidden by the territorial stat. of horid taste may wear watch , chain yard long comprising all the let [ ters of the English alphabet, and many : of those of foreign tongues. There ii :. nothing in the organic act to prevent Mr. Kellner traversing the desert witt a twelve pony tandem team. The city
 ordinances are not prohibltory of his decorating hls private vehicles and hi e palatial residence; with his monogram ]. or private brand.
 So far as the federal statutory or mu
 nicipsl laws bear upon the subject Mir Kellner may tattoo his family crest up
 on his forehead, or he may emblazor
 the Kelner arms npon the seat of hi
 trousers.
 s The people of Phoenix have no righ 6 to curtail MT. Kell ner's privileges. A :. a private citizen his performances ar, B not subjects of adverse criticism 5 but on the contrary are both amusing and instructive.
 't A trained monkey with cap and bell T. is certainly as ridiculous if not more g r. than MT. Kellner, yet no objection ha 'e ever been made to the performances c o trained monkeys on the streets of Phe
 nix. The monkey contributes to tn al pleasure and information of our youth is They behold his antics wiht delight an y are taught that he is an approach to tn 1t missing link. Nr. Kellner also afford l. us pleasure and teaches us that tn 10 missing link may be also approachs 10 from tho other side. But then if :h k monkey should aspire to the office ( pr mayor, VIC suppose he too would com D. under popular condemnation and th d. voters of Phoenix would roast him.
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