The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1894-11-29
THE JOkER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS ~ FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Described One Who Got LET. She
Was Proficient "A Phiianthropist
Reasonable Aid Etc., Etc.
DESCRIBED.

Hicks-Its quite II good deal like
. prize-tight, multiplied by eleven.
ONE VINO GOT LEFT.
He-If Ia known that tunnel was
SO long I'd have kissed you.
She-Gracious. didn't you? Some
body did.-lGreat Divide.
SHE WAS PROFICIENT.
"The hardest thing to acquire,
miss" said the dramatic teacher, lis
the art Of laughing naturally, with
out apparent effort
''Oh, I've got that down fine" said
the would-be soubre,te. Il type
wrote for three years for man who
was always telling ME funny stories
about his little boy. - indianapolis
Journal.
A PHlLANTHHoPlsr.
Excuse me-" said Wandering
Mike, as he paused at the kitchen
door, but hev We got any work ye
want done in exchange fur cold Wit
tles?'
Yes" was the prompt reply.
"All right" was the reply, as he
turned away, good day"
What made you ask the ques-
tion?"
why, sometimes I meets men
that wants ter work for cold vittles,
an I'm so kindhearted that l like
ter be able ter tell 'em whur they
kin be accommodated" Washing
ton Star.
SEASONABLE AID.
81 would like to make your last
hours comfortable, remarked the
Humorous Man to the Thanksgiving
Turkey; what can do for your
Thanks, awfully," answered the
Thanksgiving Turkey; ''if you will
furnish the chestnuts, I'll do the
rest. ~ Detroit Free Press.
SWEET TEMPERED.
Marie-What do you think Of my
new gown?
Maude-Lovely! 1t reminds mo
exactly of one gave to our house,
maid last week.
ONLY A MONETARY ALARM.
"You remind me-" said he, "of the
girl in the fairy story, whose mouth
dropped beautiful pearls every time
she spoke"
Convulsively she clutched her rose-
ate lips.
Then she sighed sigh OF relief.
1t was q false alarm. There was
no malice in his remark. Her teeth
had not fallen down.-LCincinnati
Tribune.
ACCOUNTING FOR HIS D1sAPPEARANcE.
"What has become of your living
skeleton?" -e. af-r .a.
Buried yesterday"
''Dear me! His demise was SUD-
den?"
Eyes. You see, he fell in love
with the female Samson"
Eyes"
''She didn't like his attentions"
"Well?"
''she shook him." -[New York
Press.
IMMEDIATELY PRACTICABLE.
"What we want to do" exclaimed
the long-haired orator, els to widen
the sphere of woman's work!'
"Then give us bigger kitchens,
spoke up u sharp-featurcd woman In
the audience Chicago Tribune.
WOE FOB COMING GENERATroHs.
Tommy-What you cryin' about.
crybaby?
Jimmy-Aw! You'd cry, too. il
your pants was made outer yer sis
ter's old bicycle bloomers! -[Cincin-
natl Tribune.
HAS HIS SAY.
Mrs. Secondyear-And yet you
used to tell me that you loved me
better than life?
Mr.. S.-Yes; but, undoubtedly, I
referred to the life I have led since
neutrality-suspicious. Transcript.
VERY SERIOUS.
Mrs. HiIife-You seem to be dull
Ter than usual this evening, Mr.. Veri-
sopht.
Verisopht-Yaas?
Mrs. Hilife Nothing serious, ]
hope.
| Verisopht-I'm wather afwaid il
is. My man thinks I'm in love,
don 'tcherknow?
HIS PETITION.
A well-known resident OF Wood
ward avenue told q friend of mine q
sorrowful tale yesterday.
: Your paper has been printing IN
article he said. ION the ideal hus'
band. My wife has been studying
it until she has it by heart. She
keeps reminding me wherein / fall
, short of the ideal standard. Their.
is way to get even and I hope Il
, will be adopted.
And that is?'
= Get up an article on The Ideal
. Wife SO that men in my position
may retaliate. "-[Detroit Tribune.