The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1894-06-29
QUESTIONS OF THE DAY.
The Great Gee Whizz.
From The Dogs and the Fleas.

| FrOHl ne dogs ana Une fleaS.
And there was day when they
and some of the Monstrous Fleas
were devising further bamboozle-
ments for the dogs, and a Phenom-
enon came also among them.
And the Committee said unto the
Phenomenon "Who art thou, and
whence comeSt thou -
Then answered the Phenomenon,
and said "I am the Great Many
Headed Daily Press with the I'M
mense Circulation [ am four hun
dred square miles of nastiness and
| come from going to and fro in the
earth, and from walking up and
down in it,"
And the Committee said: "And
what doest thou here, Great Daily
Press?"
And the Great Many Headed
answered, and said: 'I am the
Great Gee Whizz, having Larger
Circulation than all the other Gee
Whizzes combined. | am the bold,
fearless, outspoken and Independent
champion of truth, honesty, up
rightness and good government, and
the terror of evil doers and | am
going about just now seeking an
owner whom | may serve"
"What are thy terms ?" asked
the Bamboozling Committee, seeing
here a possibly great aid in the
Cause.
"My terms are one only" replied
the Phenomenon, "and are that my
master shall be the highest bidder
for my services.'
"And what wilt thou do for us if
we hire thee ? asked the Com
mitee.
"Absolutely what We ask me to
do; for he that hireth me is my god
until higher bidder appeareth,
when | instantly transfer my
allegience."
"What we desire done now," said
the Bamboezlers, "is the invention
of handy acknowledgements to fill up
the time between one Bamboozle
Day and another"
"Good !" exclaimed the Great
Gee Whizz. ''Bid high and am
yours, and We shall never regret
your bargain"
So the Bamboozling Committee
asked the Monstrous Fleas present
to put up great wealth and buy
him for their service, which service,
they remined the Monstrous Fleas,
was the Public Service.
And the Monstrous Fleas there
and then bid enormously high for
him, and bought him; and the
Phenomenon did there and then
contract himself, body and soul,
unto the BamboOzling Committee
and their hackers, the Monstrous
Fleas, to execute their will in all
things until higher bidder for his
services should appear.
And they said 90, thou Great
Gee ..Whizz, wherewith wilt thou
persuade the dogs and bamboozle
them, for they be many :"
And the Phenomenon said "Said
| not unto you that | am the Great
and Everlasting Gee Whizz, and
have Greater Circulation than all
the other Gee Whizzes combined
DO | not employ Il mighty army OF
invisible Circulators to go and be
everywhere amongst the dogs
Behold | will be lying spirit in
the mouths of all these my prOph-
cts, and they shall persuade the
foolish dogs that they have found a
Savior and a Deliverer in me.
81 will be their Champion. |
will be everywhere about them,
above and below, and will cluck-
cluck with most anxious solicitude
over them, even as a hen cluck-
clucketh over her chickens, or as
Satan over them that are sealed
unto him. | will be Holy She
| kinah unto them-a pillar of dust
and cloud by day, and pillar OF
fire by night and they shall march
; and halt obediently as | give them
the sign. will weep and ululate
with them in their miseries and
hunger, and none shall come within
leagues of me in my denunciations
of the cruel and unjust fieas that
suck their blood. | will rage
aOainSt Won and enlapa them and