The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1894-03-30
30 4 NFo MIRTH

Lawycr--Are yen n single man?
Witncss--No, sor Oi am twin.-In-
dlnnapols Journal.
"What a weary look thnt Young wc-
man hasw Yes: she married the man
she wanted. New York Journal
Agnes-Wcll | want u husband who
is easily pleased. Maud-Don't wor-
ry, dear; that's the kind you'll get
| Elmira Gazette.
"At last | have reached the turning
| point of my life" remarked the con-
vict when they put him on the tread
mill.-Atlanta Constitution.
Jaspar-Is Carson married? Jump
uppc-Hc must be. He has been smok-
ing bad cigars ever since Christmas
| New York Herald.
The fellow who starts out for STAY
| ing good time often has barrel OF
/ fun before arriving at his home in
| badly bunged-up condition. Buffalo
] Courier.
Mamma-Lloyd, have you given any
| fresh water to your goldfish this morn
ing? Lloyd-No, mamma; they haven't
drunk up what they have in the globe
already y.-Harper's Young People.
1--WE been lying low for some time
now," said the Fire; "and / believe
| this is Il good chance to go out" "Oh,
| no, You don'tw said the Coal, as the
janitor dumped the hod; Pm on to
! you!'-Puck.
There's lots of good in that Mrs.
/ Slack who lives up street" DO you
think soT' IL do; she is constantly
! borrowing things from her neighbors,
| yet she never has an Ill word to say
| about any of thcm."-New York Press.
Bodllins-Doctor, how can insomnia
| b. cured? Doctor-Well, the patient
should count slowly and in q medta-
| tive manner 800, and then Bod
kins-That's all very WELL doctor; but
! our baby can't count.-Lifc.
"She is a very good-hearted girl.
| Why, you should just see how that
! girl lavishes presents upon her chap
cron and how kind she is to her" You
call that being good hearted? l call it
being level-headed. New York Press.
Hotel Clerk-Did you tell that old
gentleman from the country that he
mustn't blow out the gas, as l told
you? Barney new boy)-Yis, sorr; but
it's so afcard to thrust him Oi was,
SORT, Oi blowed 1t owt mesilf sorr.-
Judge.
Jess-Did you know there was an
ante-nuptlal agreement between Mr..
and Mrs. Slivers? Bess-No, but I'm
not surprised. If they ever agreed
about anything it must have been be-
fore they were married.-Kate Fields
| Washington.
Ballet Girl Ito admirer)-Only think
of it; the society for the prevention of
cruelty to children was here to-day to
inquire about me. Rival-What
shame; | can testify that you are very
good to your grandchildren. - Kate
Fields Washington.
She-Surely, Mr.. Curtis, you cannot
be serious | have heard that YOU
have told your friends that you
wouldn't marry the best woman in the
world. He-When / said that l had
no idea that you would listen to a
proposal from me.-Boston Transcript.
Penelope (triumphantly)-I heard last
night that Jack was head over ears in
love with me. Grace Gealously)-You
cannot believe all you hear. Penelope
No; but l should not wonder if there
was something in it. Gracefully?
Who told you? Penelope-He did,
Vogue
II never felt really discouraged about
my husband until this year." sighed
gentle little woman the other day.
But when he mistook the folding
Sachet for ties which gave him, for a
dress-suit protector, and n little cut
glass olive dish for a soap tray, / be-
gan to despair about him" New York
World