The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-03-24
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JCSTS AND YARNS ev FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Ready to Beein-- Better Than Eiee-
trieity - Modest Willie - Early
Deprsvity- Etc, etc.
READY TO BEGIN.

READY TO BEGIN.
The Governor-Now that I've paid
your debts, Harry, you can make a
new start.
Harry-Thank you, father; please
/ lend me a hundred Truth.
BETTER THAN ELECTRICITY.
Agcnt-Wouldn't you like to have
a burglar alarm set up in your house
Mr. Binks-Don't need it. I've
got a wife, New York Weekly.
MODEST WILLIE.
mo" said Willie Wibbles, II IN
not bit afraiI Of bicycle.
"You are quite brave" said the
young woman.
"Oh. not necessarily" rejoined
Willie modestly. "You see, ! nevah
wide one.
EARLY DEPRAvITY.
Papa" asked Tommy Goodman,
"who was Gains wife,"
"Caroline," said the Rev. DR..
Goodman, after an ominous pause,
addressing his wife, will you please
hand me my heaviest slipper and
leave the room? There is going to
be a trial for hcresy right here and
right now. - Chicago Tribune.
AN IDIoTIC BIRD.
" have parrot at home that re-
peats every word | utter" said Jar
ley.
What an idiot Of a bird, " ejacu-
lated Cynicus. - Harper's Bazar.
A CONDITIONAL POP.
'Then you are engaged?'
"Conditionally."
What do you mean?'
'Why, George put the hypOtheti-
cal question TO me last night and ]
said yes. = Judge.
SIGNS OF THE SEASONS.
The earth exhibits signs OF spring
And brighter grow the days;
A sign that birds will shortly sing
For us their merry lays,
Each season has its signs-the fall,
Spring, winter, as they pass,
And that OF summer is for all
The sign, keep off the grass.
New York Press.
COULD DO WITHOUT 1T.
O'Jones-I don't object to man
blowing his own horn if he wants to,
do you?
McSmith-Not at all; still, | have
very little ear for that kind Of music.
TO STRENGTHEN IT.
Mrs. Wreckhard (the landlady)-Is
there anything | can help you to,
Mr.. Simmer?
Slimmer-Yes, ma'am. Can / have
some milk put in this cream?-
PUCK.
ANSWERED.
What :" cried the orator, fiercely,
what, ask, causes poverty" And
from the back of the hall hoarse
voice answered Lack Of cash
IMPROPER FRACTIONS.
Mamma Gas she is serving the pie
at table)-What is an improper frac-
ton, Johnny?
Johnny - Anything less than a
quarter, mamma Newport News.
A PRACTICAL VIEW OF 1T.
They say the wolf is continually
at their door"
"Well | don't know what he is
there for-they never have anything
in the house. - New York Press.
OUT OF SIGHT.
Investor-I see you have railroad
mapped out here, but where's your
town?
Land Boomer--Well, to tell you
the truth, it amt built yet; but
there's six candidates for Sheriff in
them gaIlberry bushes, one moonlight
distillery, three Prohibtionists and n
pond for BAPTISM New York Press.
TOO POOR.
Lend me ten, Fweddie."
Cant do it, | have Just been
Tilted by girl worth half "A million. "
= Life.
4 DIALOGUE FROM LIFE.
Where are you goingY'
ITO the chemist :.
Is it for yourself?'
"Oh, no, fortunately-it's for my
wife. - lie Soir,
ABSENT MINDED.
Benson-I have literary friend
who is so absent-minded that when
he went to London recently he tele-
graphed himself ahead to wait for
himself at a certain place.
Smith-Did the telegram have the
desired result?
Benson-No. He got il all right
but he had forgotten To sign his
name, and not knowing who it was
from, he paid no attention to it.
TpearSop's = Weekly