Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28
The Disguised Lover.

lection Tor dirt, or rather dirt has
natural affection for Tom. 1t is to
him what gold was to Midian-
whatever he touches turns to dirt.
No matter how white the cravat-
no matter how Immaculate the vest,
the moment it comes within the
sphere of Toms influence, its white
ness is gone; it is immaculate no
longer.
Dogs, sweeps and lamplighters
never pass without leaving upon his
dress unequivocal marks of their
presence. Once, and once only, |
saw him cross the street without
encountering the wheels of car
riage. | opened my mouth to con-
gratulate him, and before | could
utter one word, it was filled with
mud. The careless blockhead lay
at my feet, full length in the gut
ter.
At my earnest solicitation he once
purchased suit precisely mud color.
1t was capital idea. He crossed
the street three times; he walked
half a mile, and returned, in appear
ance, at least, unscathed. The
thing was unprecedented. True,
he was welcomed by the affection
ate caresses of dog that had been
enjoying the GOODNESS of neigh
boring horse-pond; true, he receiv-
ed shower-bath from the wheels
Of an omnibus. But to plaster
mud on Toms new coat was "to
gild refined gold-to paint the lilly"
"Tom will be neat man yet" |
said, as | witnessed the success of
my plan.
In about half an hour it was my
fate to meet a gentleman with seven
strips of green paint on his back
it was my friend Tom; he had been
leaning against some newly painted
window blinds.
His man Cesar declares that he
cant see de use oh brak a boot
when he neber stay bracked;" and
his washer-woman, with a very
proper regard for her own reputa-
ton, has been compelled to discard
him, not from any ill-will, but, as
she declared with uplifted hands:
IF any one should ask ME if |
washed Mr.. Smiths clothes, what
could | tell them!'
But there were very few things
in this world with which Tom could
have more easily dispensed, than
his washer-woman.
Having no other amusement, one
morning strolled over to Toms
room. / ascended the stairs, and
heard his voice in a very decided
tone:
"But it must be done, and there's
an end to it!'
Really" was the reply, "any-
thing within the limits of possibil-
ity: but to make coat in ten hours
i will promise anything in the
world; but l really fear l shall be
unable to perform.
"If double your price would be
any object"
Certainly, sir, if you insist upon
it-certainly. l will put every man
in my shop upon tit shall be done
in time. Good morning, sir"
The door opened, and a fellow
with shears and measures passed.
What could Tom be doing with a
tailor?
"Just the man l wanted to see,"
exclaims Tom. 81 require your ad-
vice upon very important affair
which of these cravats do you think
the most becoming?" He spread
before me some half dozen Of every
hue and fashion.
"Now, what in the name of all
that is wonderful, does this mean,
TomP A fancy ball, is it? You
have chosen an excellent disguise;
your nearest neighbor would never
know you. But you cannot sup
port the character; if you had taken
that of chimney sweep, now-but
that would have been too natural.
Tell me Tom, what does all this
mean ?"
"Why, the fact, Frank" passing
hand through his hair redolent
with macasser, II have concluded
/ think shall be little more neat
in the future. You doubtless re-
member the good advice you gave
me some time since; it has had
an excellent effect, assure yon."
Now it so happened that of all
the good advice | had given Tom,
this was the very first instance in
which he had seen fit to follow it.
So | could not attribute the meta
morphosis of my friend to my elo-