davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
A Sad picture.

The next time you are in q melancholy
mood, a. You are almost certsin to be il
you become billions or dyspeptic, picture
TO Yourself the condition OF q poor man
who, without resources and with q famil:
on his hands, finds himself on q sict bed.
Gloom obscures his narrow horizon iu
every direction. Unable to do any work,
without means. ~ friends capable of as
sisting him, with the possible pros
pect OF continued III health; with rent.
perhaps, unpaid and unpayable. the out
look for him is gloomy indeed. How
shortsighted. then. Is the man OF humble
means who perceivihg hat his health aud
strength are failing takes no precaution
TO avert the oncoming evil. Hostetter's
Stomach Bitters is II reliable, profession
ally recomm .nded restorative of health
and vi2or. aud a sure means of prevent
ing the man disabling complaints which
exposure, overwork, neglect aud insufi-
oient food produce. Malaria, rheumatism.
kidney aud liver complaint, dyspepsia aud
nervous Diseases always yield to it.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14


When, for instance, u ny, confined in
q pasteboard box, attempts to walk
around hi. prison the vibration caused
by his movements il conveyed through
the sounding-board to the nails, which,
in their turn, interfere with the per.
feet passage Of the electric current a.
1t travels across the place. where they
rest upon each other. A large vihra-
tion produces . correspondingly large
sound in the telephone, and SO on
down to the smallest degree OF minute
ness.
Every sound is reproduced exactly
as 1t is made. excepting that it is much
magniied. And it is surprising how
many different kinds of sound q be
heard. Not only may you hear the
footsteps of the fly, but when 1t is per.
forming its toilet, the rasping Of the
hind legs against. the wings, or tho
rubbing together OF the antennae may
be distinctly heard. But when tho
.animal" begins to @buzz.n the noise
In the telephone receiver is terrific.
This is the very crudest form in
which q microphone may be made.
Those which are manufactured for
commercial or experimental use arc
very exact Enthusiastically adjusted
and arranged to work with screws ct
the highest point of efficiency.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Witness-"D'ye mean de scrap?"
Attorney-"Exactly, Mr.. Carroll; the
fight, to couch it in more familiar
language"
Witness-"It's just this way: He
was huntin' for IL and he got It,"
Attorney-"You mean that he pro.
voked the ASSAULT"
Witness-"Hc went up apin 1t and
was faded; now he wants to beef and
you can bet y'r natural that's the size
of it."
Court-1What do you mean by all
that?"
Attorney-"He means, your honor,
that this plaintiff. after instigating the
trouble aud compelling the defendant
to strike him in sclf-defense, now seeks
to show that the defendant was the
guilty party Am l not right, Mr.. Car.
roll?"
Witness-"Surc enough"
Court-"That's no evidence. Let him
tell what he saw, and let him talk SO
that the court may understand what he
means"
Witness--"If l asked him to come out
and t'row in u bowl l kind o'guess he'd
drop"
The court raped loudly and said,
mo impertinence, sir; no impertin.
ence!" while the plaintiffs attorney
muttered Sc it could be heard all over
the room: "An outraged" There was
no need of his saying this, for he had
the case already o by virtue of the
fact he represented the plaintiff. The
examination then continued.
Attorney--"Did you see the alterca-
tion?"
Witness-"You mean was 1 there
when Billy smashed imp
Attorney-"Exactly."
Witness-"Naw, and it's a good ting
wasn't. I'd a been in it; I'll never
sec no friend O. mine Drum"
Attorncy-"Yes, certainly, but you
were not there. Now, Mr.. Carroll, I
wish to ask you if You are acquainted
with the reputation Of the plaintiff in
the neighborhood in which he resides?n
Witness-"You'll have to come again,
Cap"
Attorney-"Do you know this plain
tiff? What is his regulations; what do
people say about him2"
Witness-"Everybody that's on to
him says he's a fink
Court-"A w~h-a-a-at?n
Attorney-"Be somewhat more ex.
Plicit, Mr.. Carroll"
Witness-"You know what l mean;
he's a stiff, a skate. He drinks and
never comes up. He's always layin' to
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
BOOMERS IN CHICAGO.
The rirs. Female cycll.. to Wear Them In
Publi Creates a Sensation.

Public Creates a Sensation.
Chicago Tribune, 8: At Inst it has
come. Just after 8 o'clock yesterday
morning 1t made its appearance on
Michigan avenue, near the Columbus
statue, and moved silently and swiftly
toward the south. Whence it came and
whittier it went was a mystery. The
early morning pedestrians stared at it in
smazement. The boulevard policeman
rubbed his eyes SO long in astonish-
ment that when he had awakened to
the situation the object hat had star
tied him was lost in the distance.
Horses SHE'D at it, windows were
thrown up and heads appeared.
What was it? Just a pretty girl
astride a safety bicycle. But what
made people stare? 1t wasn't tho smil-
ing face. 1t wasn't the jaunty cap.
Here is the secret--that girl wore a
pair OF the sauciest bloomers imagin-
able. They were wide and loose from
the waist to the knee, and from that
point down her limbs were encased in
tight fitting stockings. Tho entire
costume was black.
A female bicyclist came from the
other direction and stopped amazed.
She turned toward the disappearing
bicyclist in boomers. Again she
mounted her wheel us she calculated:
isn't it awful! But il its fashionable
I'll have to get them" And she rode
away meditating.
A prominent south side woman, who
rides considerably, "a d to n reporter
for the Tribune yesterday: 81 have
known for u long time that tho girls
contemplated wearing the divided
skirt this season. Skirts, besides
causing serious accidents, are n draw
back to speeding, which many of us
are capable Of. Don't be surprised if
you see every wo,nan bicyclist in Chi
cago wearing the new costume this
summer"
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

WANTED THE BEST. quarts"
The waiter obeyed and all agreed
that 1t was very good indeed. Late
that night the host called for his bill.
He had figured his bill at about $50. 1t
proved to be more than 800.
Whats this?" he asked. "There's
some mistake here"
They gave him an itemized bill just
to satisfy him. He ran his eye over it
until he came to the white wine" item
and then he gasped:
"Three quarts at sl4..... ,S4s"
THAT must be good" he remarked.
1fes sir, the best we have"
Since then he orders cheap and com.
uon fluids, such as champagne.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

able character; that he waits around
saloons 30 as to be invited to drink, and
h a he borrows money and does not
repay it?"
Witness-"Put it to suit yourself;
only remember he's an all-round gag
Hbo."
Court - aGazaboa Gazabo? What
language is this?"
Attorncy-"He means, your honor,
that this plaintiff is thoroughly unre-
liable"
Court-.Humph! What did you ever
see wrong about him?"
Witness-"Well, it's this way; he al.
ways got sore when any Of the gang
joshed him."
Court-"What's that last word?"
Attorney-"He says the man became
angry at the slightest provocation.n
Court-"Anything else the matter
with him?"
Witness-aWell, l never thought he
was right. He always acted to me kind
o. nutty."
Court-"Nutty2 Nutty2"
Witness-"That's what l said, you
know-wheels. don't say he's gone,
but ! guess some of his lamps il out,all
right"
Attorney-"sort of crazy, eh?"
Witness-"That's what he is. l got
so l ducked every time l see him. tia
a common sayin' around the corner:
His trolley's off, They're all onto
him."
Court-"You say his trolley is of
and some Of his lamps have gone out?"
Witness-"That's what they are"
Court-"Do you know the defend.
ant"
Witness-aWho? Billy, here? Well,
l guess yes. Me and him challenge to.
gether at the mint precinct. Iii say
this: If you soak him its dead wrong"
Court-"There is no necessity Of YOU
making any suggestion to the court"
Witness-@Let it go at that, uncle.n
Attorney for the Plaintif-"Your
honor, must object to the continued
disrespect on the part Of the witness.
1t is bad enough for him to SANDER
this plaintiff, a man who is here bearing
upon his person the marks o. that
devilish assault, but he also insults the
u In the most brazen manner. 1t
is d%isgraceful."
Having thus delivered himself, he
glared wildly around the courtroom to
note the effect of his words. "Stumpy"
looked at him calmly with one OF those
oh-if-l-had-you-outside expressions on
his face, then he clucked q couple of
times and said: "Back up"
~ repeat It," said the counsel for the
man in bandages.
sWhat you say cuts no ice with me,s
remarked the witness.
He was not cross-examined, and the
case was at nee submitted without
argument. "%Stumpy's" friend being
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
Incredible. but True.

Perhaps you won't believe 1t, but IL
Is q fact that
There lives n man who says he isn't
going to walk with a limp just because
It's fashionable to wcar q chrysan.
themom, and he isn't strong enough
10 carry it without walking that way.
There is y girl who can't sing two
notes without getting off the key, and
she really knows it. Her case is most
remarkable.
There is another young who,
when somebody says, What a lovely
complexion you have" vel II am
80 glad you like it. have been buy
ing it at 4 new place"
+ There exists n girl who has never
yet been known TO wrinkle up her eve
brows and say: "That ma Just bores
me to DEATH" She claims that NIL
men are stupid if one wishes TO find
them so.
There is u IAN who is handsome
and yet is MOI conceited. Neither does
no imagine that every girl he meets
is going to fail IN love with him.
They do say that there is a m
who remembers to wind her watch
every night. but OF course anyone
with a grain Of sense won't believe it.
There is a woman-now somebody
told me this, and I'm not responsible
II it isn't true-there is u woman who
can tell a story without forgetting the
point before she gets to it.
Once upon q time there was a girl.
And q man asked her il she would
marry him. And she said ayes"
without any preliminary nonsense.
She died,
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
There was me and pap and some moro of

There was me ana pap anO some moro OF
the crowd,
Was settin' around in Jimerson's store
When Bill Hawkins told q tale he lowed
Z Would set the fellers all In u roar.
Says he: when | was livin' in the west,
Along on the edge OF the Ioway,
Iknowed q Teller there that made
A hundred dollars in u half . day.
VT old Missoo' got or a raise
A regular Missouri flood
An this Teller thinks he sees q chance
In catchin' tioatin' fire wood.
$50, he advertised for fifty men,
In the Roarin' City Weekly News,
To meet him on the river bank
With skiffs an boats, or with canoes.
"An' he hired them fellers to ketch that
wood,
An all that mornin' the wood they
fetched,
An the pay he gives where the joke
comes in
He gives'em half,uf what they ketched.n
And the fcllers laughed at old Bills
yarn
Laughed and said they thought it
grand
Yet all them fcllers that cackled so
Was workin' on sheers on rented landl
-IudiannpOlis Journal
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

CHEAP TOOLA

1925 buys the Family Grist Mill: So a
potato planter; SIS. 80 a horse hoe culti-
vator: s. Il corn shelter; 81 a post-hole
auger; sl2.75agreat tanning mill; ST. 10
a Planet Jr. drill. and other tools, har-
rows. etc, at low. I prices.
With Sc postage to tho John A. Salzer
Seed Co., La eros Q, Wis, you viii! re-
free. G
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
A Matter.

An Argyllshire elder was asked how
the kirk got along. He said: "Aweel,
we had 400 members. Then we hnd a
division, and there were only 200 lett;
then a disruption, aud only ten left.
Then we had a heresy trial; aud now
there is only me and ma brither Dun.
can left. and ha' great doo,s of Dun
cams orthodoXy."-1fd Bis.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

President of Insurance Company
! an nfraid cur advertising man is no
good. He sent a shipment of blottcrs
TO Philadelphia. Secretary-What OF
that? They don't use blotters there,
they wait for the ink to dry.-Brook-
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
1t will, perhaps, require a little stretch of

It will, perhaps, require a little stretch of
tho imagination on the part Of the reader to
recognize the fact that the two portraits at
the head of this article are Of the same in
dividual and yet they are truthful sketches
made from photographs, taken only a few
months apart, of a very much esteemed citi-
zen Of nlinois-Mr. C. H. Harris, whose ad-
dress is No. 1,G22 Second Avenue, Rock
Island, LII. The following extract from a let
tor written by MIR. Harris explains the mar
writes "Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis.
covery saved my life and has made me a
man. Myhome physician says I am good for
forty. years yet. You will remember that l
was Just between life and death, and all of
my friends were sure it WIS a case of death,
Until l commenced taking a second bottle OF
Golden Medical Discovery when I became
able to sit up and the cough was very much
better, and the bleeding from my lungs
stopped, and before | bad taken six bottles Of
the Golden Medical Discovery my cough
ceased and I was q new man and ready for
business.
now feel that it is a duty that 1 owe to
my fellow-men to recommend to them the
Golden Medical Discovery which saved my
life when doctors and all other medicines
failed to do mo any good.
l send to you with this letter two of nv
photographs; one taken a few weeks before
was taken down sick in bed, md the other
was taken after l was we'll" These two pho
IograPns are Ialthfully Reproduced at the
head Of this article.
Mr.. Harriss experience in the use of Gold
en- Medical Discovery" is not an exceptional
one. Thousands of eminent people in all
parts Of the world testify, in just as emphatic
language, to its marvellous curative lowers
over all chronic bronchial, throat and lung
diseases, chronic nasal catarrh, asthma, and
kindred diseases.
Eminent physicians prescribe "Golden
Medical Discovery" when any of their dear
ones lives are imperilled by That dread dis
ease, Consumption. Under such circum-
stances only the most reliable remedy would
be depended upon. Tho following letter is to
the point. 1t is from an eminent physician Of
Stamps, Lafayette Co., Ark. He says
Consumption is hereditary In my wife's
family some have already died with the dis
ease. My wife has a sister, Mrs. E. A.
Clearly, that was taken with consumption.
She used DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Dlscov-
cry, and, to tho surprise Of her many friends,
she got well. My wife has also had hem-
orrhages from tho lungs, and her sister in
sisted on her using the Golden Medical Dis
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Mother-Did you try to make your
self agreeable ut Mrs. Hightone's?
Little Daughter-Ycs'm; I told her
all the funny things our callers said
about her. and she seemed to be real
interested.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
The Evolution

OF medicinal agents is gradually relegat-
Ing :he old time herbs, pills, draughts and
vegetable extracts to the rear and bring
ing into general use the pleasant and eff
fectiye liquid laxative, syrup Of Figs. To
get the true remedy see that it is manu-
featured by the California Fig Syrup Co.
only. For sail by all leading druggists.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

BEEcHAMs PITTS act like magic on the
liver and other vital organs. One dose
relieves sick headache In 90 minutes.
-
Paper spindles for yarn spinning arc
now used as n substitute forthose ofsteel.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
JUSTICE IN OUR CITIES.
USUALLY FOR REVENUE ONLY is
THE MOTTO.
Description of a Trial sefor. . Police
Judge which is Not overdon. In til.
slightest.

The way in which justice is ad-
ministered in the larger cities of our
country would be a revelation to the
citizens of the rural communities were
they enabled to fully comprehend the
matter. The Chicago News thus faith
July r'sproduces a recent proceeding
before one of its learned officials.
The justice of the peace was q gray
old gentleman with a long, white
beard. He always looked at a witness
through a pair of old-fashioned
s%pectacles, which added much to his
expression of mild inquiry. In fact. he
was such a gentle character that the
shysters and constables managed the
business of the court, as a rule, and kept
him in a good hu,nor by addressing
him as Judge" Very few justices Of
the peace u resist the Establishment
OF being addressed as Judge"
The justice was not a man of quick
decision. In almost every Ease where
the testimony was at all conflicting, he
renamed In doubt for several moments.
However, he had laid down a rule of
JuSu euCu al
1t was, sin case of doubt, decide In
favor of the plaintiff and order the
defendant to pay the COSTS" This rule,
consistently followed, had brought him
a large revenue, as well as making him
popular with a large following of con-
stables. His sincerity was sometimes
questioned, but the fact remained that
he was an innocent old person who was
frInluNorrNca} IN ,11 er,rrou@ -,1.Il
ly vice and folly.
One day a complicated trial was
dragging along. The charge was as
sault and battery. About half the wit
nesses had perjured themselves and
now un attempt wal being made to inn
peach the character of the plaintiff, a
small man who sat by the stove his face
wrapped in bandages.
The principal imp,aching witness
was "Stumpy" Carroll. a young man
who had been leaning in the doorway,
tucking up his trousers with his
thumbs and clucking at an invisible
horse. Luckily the Judge did not un-
derstand the significance of this sound
or he might have fined "Stunpyn for
contempt of court.
When the oath was administered,
sStutnpy" raised his hand almost as
high as his shoulder and answered in a
firm voice: "Sure." He was then
taken in hand by the attorney for the
defense, who addressed him as mir.
Carroll"
Attorney-"Mr. Carroll, are you &C.
luainted with the plaintiff in this
case?"
Witness-"Do you mean his rabs
that's got his face tied up?"
Attorney-"Yes, SIR"
Witncss-"I know him easy"
Court-"How's that"
Witncss-"1 know him wit both eyes
shut, seem
Attorney-"He means that he knows
him intimately. Are you acquainted
with the circumstances of this alleged
assault?"
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Tho earliest advertisement in an Eng
lish newspap per was the notice Of the theft
of two horses in the London Impartial In
telligeucer in lb4A
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

John Rider of Dutchtown, Mo-, was
going up u tree in search OF a coon when
an owl few down and tore out his eyeball
with Its claw.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Mugger (the minstrel)-I thought
you told ME that Joe Miiler's Jest
Book" was d celebrated work. Book.
seller-And SO it is. Muggcr (con-
temptuouslO-Well. it isn't. There's
nothing in it but chestsuA-some Of
'sm NV own iokaA-plH.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

to pay for too much
cham pagne he first
ordered .white
wine.
"What kind?"
asked the waiter.
"The best you've
got"
"Do you wish to
look at the card?"
mo, just give US
the best you've got.
A hont = h a -
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
How Very Delightful.

what charming weather." we all
say in the opening days of the early
spring; then off go the wraps and up
go the windows to let the balmy air
come in-with it in numerous
things that ought to be keptont. We feel
sore from stiffened limbs, and many go
tottering around with lame backs. Mr..
Harry Williams, Greenville, Cal, under
path writes on this subject as follows:
"a lady suffered SO severely with pains
In the back for two days that she could
not sit up. One application of St. ia
cobs Oil gave the sufferer u good nights
rest, aud in the morning she was we'll"
That was charming.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Tho street railway is q development
of the tram road which was in use three
centuries ago. The principle was utilized
in anc cnt Egypt.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

INSTANCES of extreme old age are more
common among Il ose who exercise them
selves with gardening than in any other
employment.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Coughs, Hosrseness, Sore Throat, etc,
quickly relieved by BnowS's BRONCHIAL
TRocHEs They snrpass all other prepnr-
atoms in removing hoarseness and as a
COUGH REMEnY IRE pre-emlnently THE
BEST.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

London is stirred over n discussion
touching religious instruction in the pub
lie schools The nonsectarian Influence
in school matters is growing.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Shiloh's~ Consumption Cure is sold on a
guarantee. 1t cures Incipient Consump-
ton. 1t is the best Cough Cure. rs cents,
SO cents and $l.00.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

FITS: An Nits stopped free by Dr.. Klina's Great
Nerve Restorer. No fts after first days use. Mar
ytlous cures. Trentike and $500 trial bottle free to
Fitcakes. Send 10 Dr.. Kline. sl Arch ST.. Phila. Pa.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Dillon, France, has a poplar tree with
q record that can be traced to ~! A.. d.
1t is 1923 feet high and 45 feet in circumfer-
ence at the base.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
Power Press to Exchange.

George L. Williams of Ida Grove, has
a Country Campbell press that no will
sell on long time, and take your hand
press as partpay.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Mi. Becnthere-Well. I think mar.
riage at the best is but . lottery.
Miss Yellowleaf (eagerly)-You
don't happen to know where they sell
tickets, do youP-Chiips.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

The peach was at one time q poison
Gus almond. Its fruity parts were used to
poison arrows, and for that purpose was
introduced into Persia.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

Birds and flowers delight us.but we are
enchanted when we behold the complex
ion OF a young lady made beautiful BY the
use OF Gienn's sulphur Soap.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

The total number of electors in this
country, including women entitled to vote,
Is Is, 500, 0U0.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

An enumeration of the population OF
Aggcrshuus, Norway. In 1853 showed that
$50 couples had been over eighty years
married.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14
Ite Wanted the s,n..

At a little dinner party, given in n
Of the best hotels, the host ordered
wine for his Ave pnesta. Not c..;,.'
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1894-04-14

See Colchester Spading Boot nd. in
another column.