Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-03-01
HUMOR OF THE WEEK!
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature. Graphically Portrayed
byE,ninent Word Artists of Dur Own Day
"A Budget OF Fun. -
Spr,nkles of Spice.

10 GET OUT OF LDe WOA~I lOT lHG
sake of getting out Of debt is suicidal.
-Picayune.
IN the free soup the onion covers.
a multitude of sins of omission. =
Plain Dealer.
Il DON'T claim" said st. Gaudens,
that my model looks we'll at first
blush. Plain Dealer.
If the immortals grew old. what an
ancient specimen CuDid would be-
Marthas Vineyard Herald.
THE grip microbe is supposed to
have started on its mission in the
lodge-room. Lowell Courier.
SHE-"What a strong face that
man has" He-"Yes: it carries him
everywhere. Detroit Free Press.
WHEN good idea strikes a musi7
clan it is only proper that he should
make note of it.-Buffalo Courier,
TaE widower about to remarry is
the most unseltish OF mOrtals. He
seldom thinks of number one --Life.I
A MAN never appreciates what a
good servant his memory has been
until he forgets something
kee Journal.
FRED-"1s there any chance for me
to win her?" Arthur-"Oh, yes; she's
engaged to eight or nine young fell,
lows Truth.
FROM the way some men offer
prayers it is difficult to tell whether
they are ministers or auctionccrs
Elmira Gazette.
OLD lady from the country Cat the
lace eXhibit)-"Five dollars a yard,
eh? That must be all wool, amt it?"
Philadelphia Record.
"TnERE is some meat in this poem.'
said the poet, as he handed it to the
editor. 1--WE amt had Il pound in a
week. ALTON Democrat.
WHY is a policeman called copper?
Can it be because it plays an impor-
tant part when collection is taken
up? Philadelphia Times.
"WnA1'D thst furniturc-dealer say
when you told him that mirror he
sent up was cracked?" Said he'd
look into it."--Buffalo Courier.
A MAN may devote all his time to
hunting and succeed, hut to amount
to anything as fisherman he must
know where to draw the line. Buff
falo Courier.
PAT-Phat be that ycz are drink
in wild yer whisky" Mike-"ApoTli-
naris, Pat" Pat-"IIow duZ it taste?"
Mike-"As if me fut war aslape."--
Harper's Bazaar.
SHE-"Is it true that lover never
eats anything ?' IIe--"Not after he
becomes engaged" She-"Why not?"
He--"He never has any money to
spare. brooklyn Life.
HICKs-"What curious acting
chap Aberrate is. Sometimes l think
his mind cannot be right" Wicks---
Don't you think it too bad to blame
it on his mind?"-Boston Transcripts
WHY do you sign your name J.
John T B. b. Bronson?" asked Haw-
kins Because it is my name" said
Bronson. Il was christened by
minister who suffered. "-Life's Cal
cn1ar.
FRIEND Of the family - Why did
you promise your daughters hand to
that idiot Softleiah, and then refuse
to let him marry her? Stern parent
Il wanted something to boot -
Philadelphia Record
DOES literature pay?" asked the
idler Il should say So, replied the
country editor. Every time we print
a poem the author comes in and Luys
at least twenty copies of the paper to
send away. y Washington star.
PAT has offered his schoo-fellow a
bite from his apple, and is astonished
at the large portion measured off by
Mixes teeth. "Here, say: hold on
there, hold on" (Then correcting
himself.) when / say hold on 1
mean let go. boston Transcript
HAD BEEN TO CHICAGO.
lin physiology lesson)-"The next
process in digestion is called chymifi-
cation. During this the food is
turned around and around in the
stomach. +" Tommy Traddles-"Please,
sir Is that what they call the danse
du ventre?"-Life.
MuGGINs-"Se that poor devil in
the rain without any umbrella?
Every rainy day | see him in the
same predicament, and on clear days
he always carries an umbrella. Who
is he? do you know" Buggins-
That's our local weather forecaster
philadelphia Record.
THE New PASTOR. my brother, I
adjure you to love your enemies.
Col. Teud (of the Kentucky Moon
shine DISTRICT do it, parson!
Can't do it," The New Pastor
You could if you would try" Col.
Feud-" Impossible. Hain't got none
to love Shot the last one this mawn-