The herald., 1894-06-23
FUN ON A SLEEPER.
TWO CONDUCTORS TELL ABOUT IN
TERESTNG EPISODES.


Ask any sleeping car conductor whether
he would rather take his chances in a col
lision or have n sleepwalker in his car,
and he will tell you that he has his life in
sured and will tako the collision. Here is
the testimony of q Wagner car man who
has suffered He cites it as only one Of
many. similar cnses
you wouldn't have thought the old
man was the kind to mako trouble, even
in his sleep. He was white haired, be-
nevolent looking old chap, and he went to
bed early. 1t was about o'clock when he
arose from his berth, which was lower
end ono, and arraycd himself in peace
full smile. He caromod over to the oppo.
site berth, paused there for minute; then
he stopped down and gathered up tho boots
from underneath tho borth. OF course
didn't SEQ all this or I'd have stopped 1t.
A man in top berth at the farther end
was looking out and saw it.
1.-The old gentleman added a yalise to
his boots and carefully deposited the whole
load on the face Of lower 4. Naturally
lower woke up and said things. This
seemed to annoy tho somnambulist, for ho
muttercd to himself, sloped over to No. z,
on tho opposite side, and polScd his fist in
side the berth. From tho howl that
emerged it would seem that he had landed
on No. rs abdomen. At any rate, No.
kicked out, and the old man went reeling
across tho car. Around and around he
went until he reached berth 10, apparent
ly with an idea that he must climb, for nc
put his foot on the lower, and clutching
the upper polked his face in between the
curtains.
Just then came in the car, and this is
what / saw: The old gentleman came
down like brick wall, and on top of him
came an elderly lady. She wasn't precisely
dressed for skating or sleighing or any
winter sports, and she and tho old man
made an elegant pair. They looked more
like one than pair whom they landed, for
they wero all mixsd up, but you could tell
there were two of them by their voices She
was yelling like a distressed cat, and he
was swearing vigorously. Presently the
mode of her attire seemed to strike her, for
with final whoop she hoped up and
wound herself up in the curtain tight as
mummy.
by this time the whole car was yelling
fire, collision and other things, and that
old somnambulistic reprobate lay there on
tho floor and kicked and swore like pi
rate, while the old lady, clad in her cur
tain, shrunk up against the berth and
squealed. We finally got him away and
her out of the curtain and into her berth,
and then he woke up and coolly asked for
q drink of water
but that car didn't quiet down again
that night, and next morning No. came
around and threatened to report me If /
didn't point out the bloody minded assas-
sin who had sncakod upon him in the dead
of night and punched him in the stom-
ach.''
Such are the troubles caused by those
who sleep not wisely, but too well Then
there are those who don't sleep at all
They are the takers. If q person can't
sleep and there is anybody within hearing,
he or she generally wants to talk. This is
all right in hotel or private house, but it
doesn't go in a sleeping car. Two people
talking will keep awake a dozen others
who want to SLEEP.
1t might be supposed that, when finally
the passengers are all tired out with talk
ing or squabbling and fall asleep from
sheer exhaustion, the conductors many
cares are over but getting them awake is
sometimes almost as bad as getting them
to sleep The porter tries it first. and if
he doesn't succeed we'll he calls the con-
ductor Sometimes that official has diff
cult time.
mot long ago." said sleeping car con
ductor on the D., l.. and w. road, II
learned something about waking people
up. There We're two young fellows coming
up from Binghamton, and they had an up
per and lower berth. When VIC got near
Hoboken, the porter went to wake them
up, together with the rest of the passengers,
and found that the young man In the low
er berth was already up and was in the
smoking room, so he undertook to wake
the other one. A minute later he came
down to me rubbing his jaw.
"'Wish you'd wake up the gent imam in
upper g., said he. He's too good for me-
What's tho matter with him?' asked.
"'Kinder excitable, replied the porter.
4 called him an lie didn't answer. Then
I shook him, an he woke up like whirl-
win an said lot o. things. Said if didn't
get out id quick he'd como down an
pull the earth out from under me. Then
he went to sleep again. Well, l thought
he didn't understan, so l shook him
again, an he hit out an caught me in the
jaw. 1 came away an left him snorin.
He's snorin now. Wish you'd wake him
up.
There was no use sending the porter
back, SO l went and reached into upper
to give the occupant gentle poke. There
was a whiz and whir and banging, and
something hit my wrist good and hard. AT
the same time an enraged voice profanely
threatened battle, murder and sudden
death as a result of any moro interference.
That was sufficient. 1 went to the other
young man, told him about 1t and asked
him to undertake the job. He laughed
and went to the berth. Then he put his
hand on the sleeper's forehead and said:
Wake up, old man. Time to get up
"Well, sir, that sleeping cyclone woke
up quiet as a lamb, yawned and said:
What's the matter? Got to HobokenS
:" Nothing the matter, said the other,
only you've assassinated the porter, as
saulted tho conductor and insulted every
body in hearing Your re sleeping beauty,
you are You ought to wear gag and
irons when you so to Sleep
when the young man found out what
he'd done, he felt very bad over it, You
see, he'd really bonn asleep all the time.
Didn't wake up enough to know what he
was doing He apologized to the porter
and to me and gave the porter 81 besides.
He wanted to stake me, but / didn't want
to take it, but he gave me one good bit of
advice
'''Thore's only one way to wake me, he
said Just put your hand on my forehead,
and I'm as mild as breeze, but if I'm
poked or punched 1 raise the devil. II you
ever have any trouble waking another
man, just try that way.
''I'vc tried it since then, and it has al
ways worked beautifully. That is one of