The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-02-17
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.
Statistics -Consoiins News--Henry
ExpIsins--He First Dinner, Etc,
Etc.
STATISTICS.

STATISTICS.
The man who takes pleasure in
discussing labor questions got on the
subject Of pauper labor.
II find by recent statistics" he
said. that a weaver in Germany gets
90 cents a day farm hands in Bel
GUM 40 cents; n thrasher in Turkey
40 cents"
Gosh :" exclaimed a sporty young
mar i~nterrupting the talker, "a
thrasher in Florida gets 10000 times
that much. 'Rah for Corbett!''-D De-
troit Free Press.
~CoNsoLING NEWS.
"Havc you any tidings yet Of my
lost SOM" asked the distracted
mother Of the chief OF police.
I'VE have discovered. madam, that
he enlisted for the Brazilian war"
Thank heaven for that - she ex-
claimed. ~ was. afraid he had
rushed into some danger. Judge.
HENRY EXPLAINS.
Snt was waiting Tor MN,
Gathering her brows like gathering
storm,
Nursing her wrath TO keep it warm.
And when he entered the room she
tcgan
This is a nice time Of night to"
'I-er-hic-knOw I'm late" he
hastily interrupted, but ! couldn't
help il, my dear. Club had-er-big
discussion on female beauty"
and what had you to do with
that?" demanded the ircful wife.
"More'n any n there. ] was the
One-cr-who had the most beautiful
wife an'-er-'coursc the best au-
thority on female beauty. All
why don't you take of your over
coat, Henry? Let me get your slip
pcrs for you. It's awful cold outside
| think you must be half %froze,'
Hail IA minute later Henry was
safely cnsconccd i'm his easy chair
with his wife at his feet putting on
his SLIPPERS New York Press.
HER FIRST DINNER.
Young IIusband-Say, darling,
what a peculiar flavor this stewed
steak has.
Young Wife (dinidcntly)-I really
cannot account for it. Indeed, in
order to take away the bad taste Of
the onions ] scalded them myself in
eau de cologne.
NOT 80 SIMPLE.
Frcd-Ny dear Miss Clementina,
you have no idea how exquisitcly
beautiful You are.
Clemcntina-Gou must take me
for a fool Town Topics.
COMPLIMENT.
Mrs. Hyanmyty-'I have had my
house elegantly refurnished.
Mrs. jeallus-"And you did il so
quickly, too. All since that auction
sale at the Goldfed's mansion. -
Chicago Record.
OPPRESSION AGAIN.
Dusty Rhodes-Did you hear OF dat
scheme i'm de new tariff bill TO pre-
vent IA Teller from bringin' in Over
$3.50 worth Of clothing free?
Wandering Willy - Yes I; it's
schemes like dat which makes me
Disguised wild dis country. De idea
Of not permittin' us to bring over all
de clothes we needs from London
excuse me. Gull. till | touch dis
bloke for de price. - Raymond's
Monthly.
TWO POINTS OF VIEW.
Mabel - Terribly disagreeable
weather we have been having.
Madge-I thought it rather pleas
ant.
Mabcl-But ! have a perfect dream
Of n suit for wet and sloppy days,
and | have no chance to wear it.
Puck.
NOT ENOUGH.
Pike-TheSc tests Of the new battle
ships are all right so far as they go;
but they don't 90 far enough.
Dyke-What would YOU like to
have done?
Pike-Wcll; il they'd fire ut the
latest ships with the latest guns, we'd
have some idea what they could
stand Puck.
RENEWING l. ACQUAINTANCE.
by the way, vow remember Miss
krellinger, whom So many Of the boys
went wild over don't you?'
YES. and | used to think she was
a girl who deserved a good husband
well, | married her."
you? You astonish me. "1Chi-
cago Tribune.
KNEW HOW 1T OUGHT TO TASTE.
Mrs. Gilfoyle-This can't be genu-
inc mineral water.
Mr.. Gilfoyle-WhyS
Mrs. Gilfoyle-It doesn't taste hor-
ribly enough.-[Truth.