Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1894-11-15
Then let your ways be kind and plant
Honor rich and poorest client.
Politeness is the incubator
Which matches fees from litigator.
But in collection


| Politeness is the incubator
Which matches fees from itigator.
| But in collection
| A solid phalanx of women bearing
down upon him suddenly interrupted
the poets mental oratory. As through
the mind of a drowning man rush all
the recollections of his past life, sc
though the brain of Mirabeau Lamar
Towns spun a panorama of his deeds
| and misdeeds, but never part OF his
past could he find to explain why 8
| mob of women should be rushing upon
him like a line of football players. A
moment later all thought and feeling
| left him save the instinct of self-preser-
vation under the onslaught. He was
kissed and hugged and squeezed and
caressed and patted and petted until
he felt himself losing consciousness
and with a last effort got his breath
and shrieked:
..Help! Police!''
The bunch of womanhood partly dis
entangled itself, but soon closed in
about the unfortunate lawyer. From it
arose adorning cries.
Zach, du lieber Engelr
.'Gott wird dich segnen."
"Du hubscher mann!" 'Dich wer-
den wir ME vergessen." ''Delne Tage
sollen lang sein.' Zach, du lieber
Engel!'
The policeman on the corner was
learning against the wall, too weak
from mirth to afford any assistance.
From across the street the struggling
lawyer heard the bootblack shout:
''Hey, fellers; here's jay wots
emitted biggermy wild a hull gang
o'wives, an dey're all onto him to on
set"
A crowd was gathering. If he didn't
get out soon Mr.. Towns foresaw all
kinds of dire possibilities. What if
his wife and family should hear of this?
He, Mirabeau L. Towns, the highly
respected citizen. hugged and kissed
public by hundred women! He didn't
stop to count them, but he felt sure
there must be at least a hundred.
Gathering all his powers, summoning
all his German phrases to his aid, he
made little open space abont himself
and shouted at the top of his voice:
''Stand back! Gimme a chance!
Let me out! Prosit! l haven't done
anything! Du bist mie cine Blume!
Gesund heit! Leggo of me! l don't
feel well! Gimme air! Die Wacht
am Rhein! Stand back! Gott i'm
Himmel! Help! Ausgezeichnet! Nix
commerous! Donnerwetter! Damn! !r'
The ten German women fell back in
amazement and horror. Never had
they heard such language from the
lips of man before. They were
grieved and astonished. But that
didn't make any difference to Mr..
Towns. At the first opening he broke
through and fled, and as he passed the
policeman, now weeping from excess
of joyousness, he shook a threatening
fist at him and said something about
neglect of duty. Later he sent some |
one back to apologize to the Germans,
but they were gone.
VIII en- sam reporter called to ask |
Mr.. Towns about the affair the poet !
leaned back in his chair, placed the |
tips of his fingers together and slowly |
said:
'Twould seem the best of earthly blisses |
To be the object of soft kisses,
But under certain circumstances
A man had best not take his chances
Too many cooks the kissing ruin
And lure man to his undoing,
For tortures of a corn or bunion
Do not compare with breath of onion,
And oh, how much its out of place
From lovely woman's beauteous face.
And that was Mr.. Towns's last word
On the subject.