The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1894-06-22

cheerful when bluest. Texas Stiff
ings.
SAMPSON brought down the house,
but nobody called for an encore.
Siftings.
ELsIE-Oh, uncle, am so fond OF
you! Uncle-And why? Elsie-We
always have jam when you take lunch
with us.-Fliegende Blaetter.
THE boy who is continually carry
ing on In school doesn't carry of
much when the honOrs are distrib-
uted. -Yonkers Statesman.
ToMPKINs-"Did your new play
meet with warm reception" Van
Cllve-"Well, rather. The critics
literally roasted Harlem Life.
BUSINESS man-You want a situa-
tion as floor walker. Have you ever
had any experience? Applicant
am the father OF twins. philadelphia
Record.
ETHEL-Was the wedding very
brilliant one? Gladys-Oh, very;
they had to employ four detectives to
watch the wedding presents. -Somer-
vile Journal.
"OLD man, I'm engaged to Miss
Dashe. She's dear girl" Yes,
she is so. She cost me about $500
the winter l was engaged to her,
Brooklyn Life.
SHOULD Prof. Garner, In his simian
studies, go so far as to get at the
monkey literature, a collection OF
their tales might catch on.-Phila-
delphia Times.
TEACHER-Her dress was plain.
Can you express that idea In more
polite language? Little mis-; Zone
Of The four undred)-Her gown was
CHASTITY. Life.
BRIDE OF a year (weeping)-You
used to say / was sweet enough to
eat. Groom OF the same period
Yes, and l wish to heaven 1 had
eaten you.-Life.
SQUILDIG-"Do you have any diff
Guilty meeting your bills?" Nc
Swilligen-"No, indeed My great
difficulty is In avoiding them. DE
troit Free Press.
"How IS Dyklns getting on with
the farm he bought?" Pretty we'll.
He tells me he saved money on it
last year." "How?" "Let it to an
other man. "-Tid-Bits
SEwARD-"Were you aware that
Noah understood all about electrici-
typ" Baldwin-"No; did hep" Sew
ard-"Most assuredly; he made the
arc light on Ararat. brooklyn Life.
"ER Pathfinder" said Uncle Eben,
gifts mo- int'rest from lis investment
dan any uddah man in de wurl' He
kin stah't wild nuffin' an hab trouble
ter las i'm his whole life. Wash
ington Star.
EDIToR-I want an article written
on How to Make Poultry Pay" Co :
tributor-Well, you'd better ask the
man who does the fishing stories,
then; he's the best liar on the staff.
ALLY Slopsr's.
Il DON'T think 1t right for doctors
to charge some patients more than
others. "Oh, i do; life is worth a
great deal more to a man who has
million dollars than 1t is to me. -
Newport Daily News.
"How DOES Tankins manage to
keep up his extrayagant mode OF liv-
ing?" ale has credit" "How did
he get it?" "By pretending to be wor-
ried almost TO death over the income
tax."-Washington Star.
A LECTURER informed the Profess
sional Woman's League OF New York
that human life Is largely controlled
by stars. This is especially true of
impresarios and theatrical managers.
philadelphia Record.
Mrs. LUDLow-Marie, are you
quite sure that the water is the right
temperature for baby's bath? Marie
Oh, yes; sure / always know,
ma'am. IL it's too hot he'll turn
red, and IL it's too cold he'll turn
b.ue.-VCgue.
Miss BLEEKER-Tm so interested
in our reading club l wasn't at first,
but l never miss meeting now. Miss
Beacon-What are you reading? Miss
Bleeker-Well, we're not reading any
thing at present. We're making
preparations to give dance.-Puck.
Mr.. CURIo (who is making a first
call on the bride, hazards a passing
remark to break an awkward pause)-
That's spirited little picture over
there. Mrs. Naiveti-I'm so glad
you like IL. 1t was your wedding
present to us. Mr.. G. (endeayoring
to conceal his chagrin)-Mine! Mrs.
N.-Yes; we exchanged your Apostle
spoon.-Life.
Up like to marry your daugh-
ter, SIR" the youth contlded to the
fair ones severe parent. "You-want
to - marry my - daughter!' he
Numbered. "Young man, will you
be good enough to tell me what your
prospects in life are?" "Well, they
seemed pretty good when / talked
with your daughter; but, seeing you.
I've come TO the conclusion that I
haven't any. Washington Star.
PAYING A COMPLIMENT. -Dibbs
(who has been waiting In his friends