The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1894-10-24
WIT AND HUMoR.

Tribune.
Waiter-Sugah and milk in your cof-
fee, sahp United States Senator Quick
ly)-No sugar.-Jatdge.
The devil never wastes any time in
trying to make a drunkard out of a
stingy man.-Ran1's Horn.
A graduate is an ambitious young
person who goes into the school of life
to unlearn errors Gal0estoaa Neo0s.
Mrs. Gayboy - Is your husbands
yacht centerboardP Mrs Boozeleigh
No, sideboard. 1oa0rs Topics.
Yachting gloves are the latest fad.
They are worn chiefly by people who
can't afford to keep yacht. Boston
Transcript.
We have longed all our life to see
some one shoot off skyrockets in the
daytime, to see what they would look
ike.-Atchison Globe.
Caller-Doesn't it worry YOU to think
of your daughter on the ocean, Old
Lady-Dear me, no; she can SWIM
High School Revies0.
Mrs. Won Blumer-I wish / knew
something to cure my husband from
snoring. Mrs. Kingley-Why don't you
try twinsP-M. 7. Herald.
%Yes, Geraldine; bulling the stock
market is usually a painful operation,
even to those who are trying their best
to bear it. "-Bu6alo Courier.
Prison Missionary-My poor fellow,
what are you in here forP Prisoner
For not havin' enough political influence
to git me out.-Ihe Wdter6ury.
Stranger = Why don't your city
officials supply you with better waterp
Resident (apologetically)- you
see most of them sell beer.-LJe.
Author-Why do you catalogue my
novel in your list of medical booksp
Publisher-Because it has proved itself
to be sure cure for insomnia.-LJe.
Husband-Dani Webster said 'one
magistrate, but he must die as man.
Wife-How about mep-Detrost Free
Press.
Tommy-Say, paw. Mr. Figg -
Now what do you want? Tommy
What is the difference between the sea-
horse and the navy plugP Indianapolis
Journal.
II object" said the mosquito in
theatrical hotel, ito this interference in
my business. The idea of my not being
permitted to do my act without nett"
-Washsngtoaa Star.
Hubby Well, I guess I'll have a
shave. Wifey-Wait till Willie leaves
the room. 1t is so hard to break him of
bad words when once he gets started on
them.-N. z. Herald.
Nellie-Why do you send out your
wedding Invitations so far in advanced
Millie-Many of our friends keep their
money in savings banks and have to
give notice.-M 7. Weekly.
There appears to be no good reason
for withdrawing the original yachting
proposition to England; that if she viii
furnish the wind this country will pro-
vide the speed Washington Post.
Would-be Contributor Cat editors
desk)-Here is joke, Mr.. Editor, that
I'll guarantee was never in print before.
Editor CATER reading it)-Donat doubt
your word in the least, sir.-L!te.
Dibbins-Say, old man, I haven't
seen you at riding-sehool lately. Have
you given it upp Dobbins-Yes. I am
waiting till somebody invents a pneu-
matte saddle Cincinnati Tribune.
Judge-Why did you knock the man
DOWN. Prisoner-For callin' me bad
name yeronner Judge-What did he
Jud ge-Case dismissed Detroit Free
Press.
Judge = How do you make out,
madam, that you are only 35 when you
admit that your daughter is 80? Mrs.
O'Toole-Och! sure, yer honor, she's me
daughter by me furrest husband. =
Judge.
Castleton-I saw your fancee while
at the seashore. Clubberly-Did she
say anything about my coming downi
Castleton-Yes. She said when you
came to bring me with you.-M z
Herald.
20, you are leaving us early, Mr.
Brown" Eyes, Mrs. Park, am very
sorry that / must leave, but not expect
ing to have such pleasant time this
evening I made another engagement.
-Hagpe7''s Bazar.
afraid to go to church because you
clothes amt good enough? Don't bt
so foolish; the Lord won't look at you
clothes" 81 don't mind the Lord look
ing at them, but do dread the criticism
of the congregation. IN Y. Press.
He-I had a queer dream about yol
last night, Miss Louisa. was about tt
give you kiss, when suddenly we were
separated by river that gradually grew
as big as the Rhine She-And wa
there no bridge and no boatp-Fgiegendt
Blatter.
Judge-The policeman says you wer
r Ll.s 6 ~.
sort. Judge-Then why were you reel
ing through the streetsP Prisoner
Force O. habit. your Honor. I'm
sailor, and it takes me some time to &c
my land-legs on.-Judge.
%But, my dear young man, my daugh
ter has never done a lick of work. Sh
is not cut out for poor mans wife.
That's a one-sided view, SIR" h
answered. "Can't you see that ar
admirably suited to be rich girls hus
band?"-C Cincinnati IaTbuaae.
Minks-What fad is your wife fol
lowing nowp Winks-She is organizin
Anti-Suffrage Associations. "Humpl
thought she was in favor of woma
suffrage" "She was, but told her on
day, in joke, that Congress was goin
to compel all women to vote. IN.
Weekly.
Mendicant = Can you kindly
Merchant-No, l haven't any money
give away on your kind. Mendicant-
| beg you not to do me injustice. Iwa
only going to ask you if the govern
ment still printed Columbia's portra
on 10-cent pieces. He got a quarter
Syracuse Post
"What's the matter that there is n
dinner ready?" asked the labor leade
"The COOK quit, leaning back in he
chair and tanning gently. "Why didn
you get it ready yourselfP You kno
how well enoug Oh" "MeP I'm out c
sympathetic strike with the cook. y
Indianapolis Journal
"The local team must have been pla,
ing very poor ball" said the expel
enced merchant. "Why, I didn't kno
you paid any attention to baseball
Il don't know anything about it exec