The Washington times., 1894-08-19
He Makes His Entire Into Washington
High Class Society.
sTEERED BY HIS FRIEND JOE
The Colonel Held Himself Pat and Said
"Yes" to All Questions-Mamie Enter
tains With Music That Held the Attention
of All for Blocks Around.

man called last evening.
"How DIDO, colonel, what are you think
ing?" asked the reporter.
Thoughts" responded Col Struthers in
sage-brush accents, as he shifted his quid and
spashed brown blot on the floor. 81 am
thinking of becoming naturalized citizen oi
Washington, with all the rights Of American
citizenship, which that does NOT imply.
like to dream about the future glory and
greatness of this city, 1t is such consolation
to man who has to live here now. At pres
ent Washington has hundred-foot streets for
ten-foot traffic, sidewalks that are as smooth
as the course OF truest love, and matchess
libraries with the biggest number of unread
books in the country. Tho statuary in her
parks would make the Sphinx of Khame bury
its phizz in the desert sand and filch the
laurel from the brow OF an Easter Island god.
81 say. young man. continued Col. Struth-
| ers, turning his Winchester gaze on the re-
porter, do you know that, although l have
| mingled great deal in the society of the
| Apaches, greasers, siI-shooters, grizzlies, and
coyotes, have felt such desire to try Wash
| ington society. that last evening L made the
| break Although believe that the safety of
nations rests in hard hands, and that the
| genius of the world was born in overalls, yet
there is some fascinating flavor in aristocratic
| atmosphere which tickles me, and this was
the first whack which have had at the upper
crust since I swapped the sage, greasewood,
| and alkili plains of the sunset West for the
asphalt wastes of Washington.
lone of my dearest friends, who drives a
bobtai On the Anacostia railroad. kindly con-
sented TO initiate me into the sanctitles OF the
| select. / leased an evening suit OF mourning
aspect. and but for the fact that the pants
showed the darDs in my socks, that the
| sleeves stopped at the elbow and that the
| back seam refused TO follow the contour OF
my spine, 1t fit me just as well as though it
| had been made to order Tor somebody else by
a merchant tailor. From the way looked,
| you would have thought that had been born
with a souvenir spoon in my mouth, rather
| than ploughshare.
I'VE left our cable carriage and walked till
| my new shoes became too small. On the way
| my cicerone. Joe, told me that the family we
| were about to visit was one OF the first in the
| land. but that because of the late war. the de-
monetization of silver. and the recent small
poX scare, they were living in somewhat sub
dued retirement and reduced circumstances.
told Joe that if the daughter had pretty
ankle and good breath might give the
family lift by settling for last weeks wash
and paying the rent, but Joe said that
wouldn't be necessary, as the ladies looked
after the wash themselves and moved for the
rent.
SLIGHTLY OUT OF THE SWIM.
HE said that they were not going into So
ciety quite so strong this season. as their pa
had been hit with a brick last fall and the I'M
dertaker had not been appeased. Then. too.
the Bu21ard Bay mania would soon be epi-
demic. and it would be necessary to pull down
the blinds and board up the front of the
house. But Joe told me that l need not be
apprehensive, as these folks were very
courteous to people in other stations of life,
and that lie had fully explained to them that
| was from the only Montana on the map,
and was by no means a member of the mush-
room aristocracy. spontaneous nobility. and
pedigreeless royalty of the raw. rude, Young
East.
Joe solaced me by saying that he had also
told these ladies that my grandfather had fit
with Alexander the Great at Bannockburn.
that he had received n full assortment of fatal
wounds at Bull Run. and had been killed in
heroic style during the Revolutionary war.
He said that this might not be SO true as
everything printed in the newspapers but
anyhow it was good form to have an outfit
of Revolutionary ancestors. no matter at
what hour you may have struck Castle Garden.
Il was tremulous with awe.
''As an evidence of the education. .piety and
cleanliness OF this family, let me state that
their little four-room rose-grown cottage was
flanked on one side by schoolhouse, on the
other by church, and directly in front was q
public pump. The civilization of that family
should have been in inverse ratio to the rental
value of the premises. We had some trouble
in untying the front gate. but was charmed
beyond the descriptive range of words.
Neatly tackled up on one side Of the front
door was the artistic scroll. Fashionable
dress making and plain sewing and on the
other side was the asthetic legend. Fur
nished rooms, with or without BATH |
looked around for diphtheria placard, but
was disappointed. However, Joe said that
this would probably be arranged by our next
visit. as little Johnnie was upstairs with some
thing which the doctor thought might be
either mumps or only cholera. Joe pulled
the bell rope. and during our wait at the
door. l recited 'Curfew Must Not Ring To-
night Trapping on the Outside Gate. The
Bells and several other selections which just
then occurred to me. Finally we went
around to the back door, as Joe said he was
perfectly familiar with that trail, because the
front room had carpet on the floor.
1.-The gentle hostess thrust her head through
3 window, and, seeing who her callers were,
flung open the kitchen door, ut the same time
removing her apron. rolling down he. sleeves
and buttoning up her vest. Although she
was flushed by the joyous excitement OF our
arrival. could guess from the niyeous white
ness and downy smoothness of her CON-
plexion that she had been using sand paper
as blood purifier
'.Ohi goodness. mercy. Mr.. Struthersr she
shrieked
-" "'Col. Struthers, prompted Joe.
HER HEARTY GREETING.
$50 you've come at last My, but I'm
proud TO SEQ you as if you was my own Jere-
miah. whose been dead these two years the
18th day of this month next coming. Ny,
but how time does n.y. Won't you pull off
your hat and resi- "a spell. You really must
excuse my personal appearance. but this is
Priscilla's day OF. Oh. these hired girls are !
such pest. -Colonel-Struthers;d do you
know where l can get steady, handy girl to |
cook, wash. iron, do housework, sew on Dut- !
tons, tend the garden. answer the bell. |
sprinkle the front street, collect the gossip, |
and translate Greek for S1.35 a month, sleep |
home and find herself?
while saying all these customary and |
pleasant things the good lady was wringing |
my hand with hers, which even then was |
dewy with the oily humidity which comes |
from lavitating the prandial crockery. The |
apartments were redoient with those fragran.
cies which bespeak hospitality and let the |
neighbors know when meals are ready. The |
hostess ran to the foot of the stairway, and in
voice which would have drowned the seven
mile prayer of Scripture, burst ten-inch
gun, and won a curtain call, said: