The daily morning journal and courier., 1894-08-14
WOE.

A Text for Dress Rcformers-"woe to the women that sew pillows 10 all arm holes. s."--Ezekiel. Kill. lS.-Truth. | The poker table is about the only place where a man can have the blues and be happy at one and the same time. -Bpffalo Courier.
 America has no standing army, l believe" said the foreigner. Tt Is clear you haven't spent much time In the street cars of this great country" replied the native.-Truth.
 Her Ma-Sir. you've stolen my daugh- ter's love! Bold culprit-Well, didn't return 1t? Her Ma (making her exit, aside)-Another case of honor among thieves."-New York Ledger.
 | Mrs. Qullls Cat 1 a. m.)-Where have you been until this hour? Mir. Quills- At ze ofiich. balanchin my booksh! Mrs. Quills-Well hope they balance better than your feet!-Truth. A man dat plants a watermillion patch next to de graveyard may not save all his melons but he Is de means ob eradicatin' de germs ob sooperstishun from de minds, of de colored popula- tion in dat vercinity.-Puck.
 Briggs-Life has some strange incon- sisteneies.s hasn't 1t? | Griggs-To what do you refer? | Briggs-A members of the Stock Ex- change cut me dead because he found out played poker.-New York Sun.
 Miss Carbart-Our acquaintance has been so short that I feel I ought to know more about you before I consent to become your wife. Pelham Parker (stiff1y)-Very we'll I can refer you to any of the girls I have been engaged to. Tit Bits.
 Your conduct Is not nice, ,Amil. You in- vite me to take dinner in restaurant, and the moment you sit down you for get all about me and bury yourself in the newspapers" Pardon me, my dear. Waiter, bring my wife newspaper."- Fliegende Blatter.
 Editor of the Woman's Column-I got letter from young lady to-day who tasks which is considered the prettiest, blonde or brunette. Local Man-And what did you teil her, Harry? "Tell her? How couldiI know? never saw the woman In my life.-Boston Tran lscript 'fG -.
 "The coffee has very unusual taste this mornings" said the boarder, who likes to be disagreeable. T have no hesitation in saying that it is very good coffee," said Mrs. Hashem. bristling. "Yes," replied the disagreeable board CT, Tt is exceedingly good coffee. Washington Star.
 Teacher-Now, Willie Wilkins, I want you to te ii me the truth-did Harry Thomas draw that picture on the board ? Willie Wilkins-Teacher firmly refuse to answer that question. Teacher-You do? Willie Wilkins-Because I gave Harry my word of honor I would not tell on him.-Harlem Life.
 Too Tame -Manager-Going out, sir? ? Whats the trouble? Don't you like our Wild West" show? Brooklyn man-No! I expected to see thrilling scenes of dan- ger and hairbreadth escapes, but they're nothing to what ! go through every day on Fulton street, since the trolley care have been running!-Puck.
 Tom DeWitt-l875 must have been a great year for girls. Kitty Winslow- don't see - Tom DeWitt-Oh, I was merely wondering how it happened so many more girls were born that year than any other. Kitty Winslow-How do you know they were? Tom Dewitt Why. every girl I have met this summer has been just 1s.7Life. .l..
 A five-year old daughter of German town minister has learned the nursery rhyme running: 'If at first you don t succeed, try, try again." Recently she upset the family devotion by ending her little prayer in this wise: And now, oh, Dody please make Lille a better girl, an if at first you don't succeed. try, try again. n."-Philadelphia Record | .,ai ~