Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-06-24
FAIRIES IN WHITE.
Nothing Looks Better on 4 Girl Than a
Summer Dress.
SHE SWEPT UNDER THE BED.
centricities Of Colored Cranks-some
Seasonabie Comments

Once upon a time at lawn party
goodly crowd OF sweet young girls in
white dresses had assembled together TO
do honor 10 the hostess. and so lovely did
the airy. fairy bevy look, that the lady, In
spasmodic burst of enthusiasm, re-
marked TO a sober-sided gentleman pres
ent: rs there anything that makes
girl look prettier than a nice white
dress?' The sober-sided gentleman. like
a good many OF his ilk, was not such
saint as he appeared to be. and in re-
sponsc to the question he simply said
Nothing" His answer was true in two
senses. and when the double entendre
finally dawned upon the hostess she
smiled and blushed conjointly. / am like
that man at the lawn party-I think
nothing is more becoming to maiden
than white dress. Now don't get ex-
cited, gentlemen-you can read this letter
to your sweethearts without the slightest
embarrassment-for / am going 10 argue
the question from only one standpoint,
and that's not the Garden-of-Eden stand
point. either Girls certainly do look
sweet in white dresses-much sweeter, In
fact. than even a cadet In white trousers,
and he, in his own opinion, is the sweetest
thing on earth. There's nothing that brings
out their beauty more, and then, TOO,
when a man is roasting beneath four
button cutaway 1t Is positively delightful
to see a woman looking as cool as an
iced cucumber. l never saw but one girl
who was not improved by white dress,
and she had freckles on her neck. and,
what was worse. 1t was all bone. How
they (the freckles. not the bones) got
there i never could guess. And then It's
pleasant TO sit on some nice green lawn
lawns are generally green this time OF
the year, by the way-and idly watch
grasshopper as II crawls down the uncon-
scious neck Of your fair companion. The
transparency of the lawn-that Is, the
lawn dress, not the lawn you are sitting
upon-enablcs you to note the pergrina-
tions of the thin-legged insect with perfect
facility, and, besides, it's SO much ex-
element awaiting developments. You
know that when a mutual recognition
passes between your friend and the grass
hopper climax is bound to occur. Last,
but by no means least, you can rest as
sured that II you go out with girl in
whitehall is, If she is in white. not your
self-and IL rains Qt always does under
such circumstances), you Will have a
ing blood by getting a carriage. Such
opportunities are always appreciated by
young men. Yes dear friends, for iced
lemonade, SNOWFALL. irresistible sweetness.
give me a girl in a white dress, or several
OF them. If they are to be- obtained in
assorted lots. Nothing is more becoming
to them than the gauzy garments to
which 1 allude.
I,.t N
fool niger from the country is inde>
v,ribably horrible. There's no telling
what they are going to do or when they
are going to do II. They are green. green,
green, and It is weeks and weeks before
they catch on TO city ways. or even learn
to receive company In your parlor when
you are absent from the city. Rural
darkies are the very essence OF amiability,
and they are so meek. 80 obliging and
above all, so docile, that you can't be-
come incensed against them. Once upon
a time Il always say "once upon time"
for il sounds historicaD a "cullud pus>
son." Lucille by name. went into service
as a house girl, and on the morning Of
her domestic debut the mistress, In CIV
ing Instructions. said: Now. Lucille, when
you clean up my room. remember and
be sure to sweep under the bed" "Yesm,"
quoth the mahogany ignoramus, and
sure enough she did sweep under the
bed. She swept every blessed bit of the
trash in the house right under that self
same bed When the matron inspected
her apartments after the cleaning up had
been completed. she was at first delighted
with the neatness of things; but, alas.
in a moment Of weakness. she peeped
under the bed. and there she saw the
awful litter What does this mean,
no all 4r& f,,Ii
ton "Lor num-" exclaimed the sombre
scullion, you told me 10 sweep under
de bed, and / done done IL. / wanted
to flung dem thar things out de winder.
but you told me TO put 'em under the
bed" The lady's injunction, like the COM
ment OF the gentleman on white dresses.
was capable of two constructions, 80
after all the girls mistake was not so
bad.
But let me give you a genuine sample
of stulttude on the part of another fool
niger from the country" She was em-
! ployed by a Church Hin household. and
on one occasion, when the matron was
sick, the darlty was summoned into her
| mistresse's chamber in order that she
might receive instructions concerning the
things she was TO buy for dinner. go
out and get some beef to put in the SOUP
| said the lady. But l can't go out" re-
piled the servant. tits raining like fury
out doors. and l amt got no shoes"
| Take my overshoes then" replied the
! mistress, and with that the "fool Niger
left the room and was heard from no
more until meal time When the dinner
was served the bowl Of soup was the frs,
thing brought in. l shall not attempt
to describe that soup beyond stating. as
Shakespeare would have put 1t, that 1t
smelt 'like the sweet South upon bank
! of Limburger cheese" Fried feather
beds and fricaseed rags were nothing In
| comparison TO tit was frightful, In
. fact, and would have killed at a range
| OF one hundred yards. The master OF
the house was incensed. He said that
the perfumes Of the mixture were so
frightful that they took his appetite
away-yes. took it clean out Of town. He
ripped and snorted around for long
while and finally. by clever strategic
movements, he approached the soup. and
with the ladle he commenced holding
| an autopsy over the malodorous liquid.
He finally flshed out one of his wife s
| overshoes. That fool niger from the
country had misunderstood the orders
for dinner. and when the lady told her
she could take the overshocs. the dusky
| ignoramus thought she meant that she
could use them instead of the beef for
the soup. l guess you think this story
is harder 10 swallow than the overshoe.
but 1t is an actual fact.
| Speaking about "cullud pussons," l wish
some man who knows 1t all 0here are
| about forty thousand OF such individuals
in Richmond) would tell me why our dusky
friends always root against the home
team at the baseball park. Time and
again l have seen them do IL, and when
the howls arose from their ebon- throttles
that regal pair of imperial cranks, Mr..
Tom Alfriend and his genial friend,
Henry Valentine. would become bitter
against all the world, and they would
scowl darkly and murmur disapproyingly
and gnash their teeth. But. kind-hearted
Mr.. Aifriend and genial Henry Valentine,
to the contrary, Notwithstanding. these
"cullud pussons" will continue to root
adversely in the case of Vests bedrag-
gled darings. Investigation has proved
to me that II Is race characteristic of
Afro-Americans. For some reason-''po'-