davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-07-25
CELEBRATES HIS OWN FUNERAL.
After Solemn Mass Over an Empty Coffin
All Adjourn to Banquet.

After Solemn Mass Over an Empty Coffin
All Adjourn to a Banquet.
An up to date disciple of Charles '
of Spain has held at village of the
Yonne department., in France, a kind
Of dress rehearsal Of his funeral while
yet in the land of the living. For the
past year gravediggers and masons had
been engaged in preparing the gentle
mans tomb, and he had surveyed the
work with loving care. When every
thing was ready, he had handsome
marble slab put up, with the date Of
his birth and the list of his titles and
distinctions, winding up with the COM
forting assurance that he chad been a
good father and a law abiding citizen"
inscribed thereon. On his ninety-fifth
birthday all his friends and acquaint-
ances were invited to the rehearsal of
his funeral. A solemn burial service
took place at the church, and his empty
coffin, placed under a catafalque and
surrounded with wax candles, received
an anticipatory blessing. To cheer up
his guests, whom this lugubrious cere-
mony must have somewhat depressed,
he then babe them repair to his house,
where a grand banquet took place, at
which the beadle, the choristers and
the priests who are to officiate at his
real funeral were present. Each guest
pledged his word in a bumper of cham
payne that if he were still living at the
time he would not fail to ''assist" at
the funeral ceremony Of which the re-
hearsal had just been gone through.
The real event may not come off yet
awhile, for this imitator of the famous
emperor is still quite hale and hearty
in spite Of his 95 summers. London
Telegraph.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-07-25
A NEW BRITISH EPILEPTIc COLONY
A Private Asylum Will he Opened Soon IL
Buckinghamshire.

A Private Asylum Will he Opened Soon In
Buckinghamshire.
We are glad to be able to announce
that the National Society For the En-
ployment Of Epileptics will in few
weeks open their Industrial colony for
epileptics at Chalfont St. Peters, in
Buckinghamshire. Werecently gave the
welcome intelligence that a bill had
been passed in the state of New York
providing for the establishment in that
state of an industrial colony for epilep-
tics. The passing Of this measure is, we
believe, mainly due to DR.. Peterson S
strenuous and able advocacy of the
cause, and we heartily congratulate him
on the success which crowns his labors
In considering the American and the
English schemes one cannot fail to be
impressed by the contrast between our
own methods and those prevailing on
the other side of the Atlantic. Here we
incline to institutions promoted by pri-
vate effort. But in America the tendency
is toward institutions originating under
the auspices Of public authority. Our
national society will open its colony
with 1876 acres Of land and about score
Of patients.
The Importance of congenial occupa-
ton as therapeutic agent in the case Of
epileptics is now generally admitted,
and it is we'll known that under ordi-
nary conditions the lot of the epileptio
is one Of enforced idleness, detrimental
to the interests of himself and his
friends. Except by the adjustment
and adequate development Of the colony
this evil is not likely to be miti gated. -
British Medical Journal.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-07-25
An Umbrella,

.''Show ME an umbrella" says a manu-.
facturer. that has holes worn in the silk
about the ring at the top, while the body
of the material is still intact throughout,
and will show you the owner of an um-
brella who doesn't deserve to own one,
if it is good one. And show me an UNI
brella that has holes in along the ribs be-
fore natural use of it should make them
come there, and I will show you an own
er who carries his umbrella moro for the
sake Of appearance than for utility"
A wet umbrella placed handle down
drips the moisture from it at the edges
of the frame, and the material with which
it is covered dries evenly and leaves no
spot still soaked with water. If the
handle is upward, the water runs down
to one spot at the top, where the strong
cloth lining about the ring holds good
deal of it and in a comparatively short
time rots the material, and it breaks
easily.
The man who carries his umbrella
swathed in it's case when it is not called
into use by rain will soon find it wearing
out from top to bottom.
This is because of constant friction be-
tween the case and the silk, and no mat
ter of how good quality it may be the
holes will appear in it long before they
should, and the provider of the umbrella
will of course be blamed for selling in
ferior or damaged goods. There are
many people so ignorant Of the proper
treatment of an umbrella that they will
actually roll it up when wet and leave
it to rot and mold until the next time
they want it for use.-New York World.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-07-25
DR.. Holmes Autobiography.

DR.. Oliver Wendell Holmes is report
ed to have said recently, apropos Of his
autobiography: 7 work at the memoirs
an hour or two each day and am max
ing satisfactory progress that is, have
about one-haf completed Of all shall
write Then / shall place the manu-
script in the hands Of my publishers,
and they will keep it in their safe until
/ shall have passed away. My belief has
always been that q mans memoirs
should be distinctly posthumous. and l
shall carry ont that belief in my own
case ,
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-07-25
Too Paltry.

Mr.. Superintendent, I have come to
report that last night as I was going
home somebody fired q pistol at me, the
ball Of which went right through my hat
here.
s1s that all2 You can come again when
the bullet has gone through your head
Before then / am not 10 9 position to deal
with the matter. n-Ulk.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-07-25
@offon,pooo 2Rills

Custom grinding solicited. VIII srind
wheat for ] Zone eigth) or exchange 81
lbs. fleur, 5 lbs shorts and 1s. bran
for ono bushel of wheat. Flour and feed
sold at low prices and delivered at New
UlA free Of expense.
John Berlin.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

Wh1stlinE Drinking Cups.
who has made this subject a special
study, found in burial mound a pecul-
lar whistle made from a boars tooth,
which he believes to be the Oldest
specimen in the world of it's kind. The
same gentleman has several samples
Of prehistoric whistles made of the
bone from reindeer joints.
Mythology abounds in deities of
more or less renown who prided them
selves on their musical ability in this
line, all of which goes to show that
whistling is eminently respectable as
far as age goes. But here, at least as
far as general opinion is concerned, the
responsibility Of whisuing seems to
cease. Indeed, it is more than re-
markable to find how bitter is the pre-
judice and superstition about whistling
even to this day. Among the stern Pu-
ritans of New England the belief was
current that the mouth of the whistler
would remain impure for forty days,
which fact no doubt had a dampening
effect on many peak-hatted youths
desire to whistle the "May- flowers
Hornpipe' 'Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay," or
some of the Pilgrim Fathers solemn
ditties.
The devil comes in for large share
Of attention in relation to whistling,
some people believing that when Old
Nick touches a mans body he causes
him to emit kissing or whistling
sound like that of aserpent 1t is cheer
ing to note that women Gin the legends)
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

Pete Sanford, a member Of the gang,
| whose still I had aided in destroying
some time previously, but who had es-
capped from the officers, had recognized
me as detective who had come under
the guise Of friendship to land them
all in prison, and that was to be left
in the hut.
''This failed to strike terror to my
soul, however, as I supposed they
/! would merely leave me there over night
and I should then have a possible
chance Of escape. Had I known the
true nature Of my punishment would
have begged my captors to mercifully
put a bullet through my brain.
''They carried me to the hut, and
one Of the men carefully opened the
door and peered in. He took a torch
and thoroughly inspected every nook
before entering. Finally, bound hand
and foot, was laid on pile Of husks
in one corner. Then the men departed
without even closing the door. I was
highly elated at this oversight, and lay,
endeavoring to muster strength to
break my bonds, when heard rust
ling, gliding sound in one corner Of the
room. Could it be that some other
human creature was imprisoned with
me? No, it must be the wind outside
Then from the long, dark opening,
used as a fireplace, came a similar
sound, another and another. What was
it? What could this mean.
''Suddenly I felt something glide
across my legs as they lay bound on
the foot Of the bed, and the awful hor-
ror of the situation that my prosecutors
had devised dawned On me. I was in
a den of snakes? If I moved I was a
dead man. Sick with terror, I became
unconscious.
Il awoke lying beside the road. The
moon was shining full in my face,
and bending over me was the girl I
had met in the afternoon.
""Twas clus call for you,' she said.
I heerd pap'n the fellers a-talking' ez
heaow they left yer here, an when 7
got er chance I come to you
"'How did you do it?' gasped.
"'Huhv I'm used ter snakes, but
"The girl began to sob.
"'What is it?' asked, moved by her
distress.
ell dassent go hum, fur dad will
kill me-
'That's how my hair got white"
said the major. as he threw away the
stump of his cigar.
"But the girl?" said I.
"Oh, she is in the next room with
the children; she is my wife'-New
York Journal.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
Bumpus, the Dog Drunkard.

Bumpus, the Dog Drunkard.
gate. then, man like, he would crawl
off to some sequestered spot and sleep
his drunk off. 1t was no uncommon
thing to see him staggering on the
streets like man suffering from an
overdose Of spiritu frumenti.
Like many other drinkers, when So
Der he was exceedingly amiable and do
Gle and would run away to avoid a
fight with other dogs, and when other
dogs would scare up Il scrap in the
presence he would take part only in his
role Of peacemaker. But when on a
spree his bull dog fighting propensities
would become aroused, and when in
this condition he was never known to
succumb to an opponent.
He was found dead one morning in
the barroom of the Midland hotel
He had been full the night before, and
at l a. M, when the place closed up,
was feeling very groggy. Bump,1s was
a cross between bull dog and a point
or large for his breed and with large
Waite and tan spots on his body and
head. He was a handsome fellow and
had so may friends that it was thought
fitting to his memory to give him an
elaborate (for a dog funeral. The
mayor of the town headed the subscrip-
ton list and the citizens Clipped in
He was but two years old at his
death
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

Whistle Made of q Reindeer Joint.
want, who has recently visited Gomera,
one Of the Canary Islands, says that
among the natives whistling is still the
mode of expression. The Guanches.
as these people are called, have vir-
tually lost their identity as a race, hay
ing been merged into the Spanish popu-
lation, but they nevertheless preserve
many OF the habits of their ancestors
Being shepherds it will be readily un-
derstood that their language of whist
ling stands them in good stead as a
means of communication from long dis
tances. The Frenchman AYERS that a
couple Of these shepherds can "talk''
to each other by this method from
distance of several miles, AS an illus
tration Of the intensity and power of
the Guanche whistling M Lajard men
tons that an inquisitive Englishman
persuaded one Of these shepherds to
whistle in the ear, with the result that
the Englishman remained deaf for
about three weeks.
a combination of whistles to pigeons,
which then become animated Aeolian
harps, so to speak. Carrier pigeons are
d
harsh, shrill sound to keep birds of
prey at respectful distance. Every
boy has his favorite method of using
his fingers for this purpose
AS curiosity in its line may be men
toned the "whistling osyter" discover
ed some years ago in London. 1t was
the greatest sensation Of the hour, as
it really did emit a whistling sound or
settlement" The proprietors of an
oyster house discovered it among a lot
Of ordinary plebeian oysters and quick
ly put it on exhibition. It drew enor-
nous crowds, and countless jokes were
perpetrated on its account. London
Punch had a very clever imaginary
sketch Of it, copy of which is now
used as a sign over the restaurant.
Douglas Jerrold thought that perhaps
the oyster chad been crossed in love
and now whistled to show that it didn't
cace" Thackeray insisted that he real,
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
SHAPELY CALVES A SO A PAIR

Sp1ndle-Shanked Eastern Dudes
Fill Their Stockings With Lambs
Wool.
According to reliable and we'll
known New York dealer in sporting
goods, a large percentage Of the young
men who have taken to cycling pad
their legs, and also adopt equally radi-
cal measures in broadening their
shoulders. Such a demand has sprung
up for padded legs in New York that
the pads find a ready sale at Sc pair.
They are now part of the stock in
every frst-class sporting goods store.
These pads are made of the finest
grade Of cotton; and are stuffed with
lambs wool to any thickness required.
The dealer said to an Evening Sun re-
porter.
'You would be surprised to see the
men who buy these things. They are
always young fellows from 20 to 30
years Of age and are novices in cyc-
ling. They want to make good show
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
Argument.

''Sir," she cried, II spurn you.''
'sHear me out" he pleaded.
She shrugged her shoulders and turn.
ed coldly away. ~.
'Adored one," he proceeded, "do you
know that your father has absolutely
forbidden me to ever think Of marry.
ing you" -..'
She started.
"You do not deceive met" she de
manded, agitatedly.
8. upon my oath, no." he replied, 81
saw him but once"
With glad cry she fell into his
arms.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

"A contributor to a French scientific
magazine Of recent date advances the
theory that our earliest ancestors,
long before they knew Of articulated
speech, had almost as comprehensive a
method Of expressing themselves-that
of whistling. As there does not ap-
pear to be any proofs to the contrary
there is no reason why this statement
should be denied. In fact it is rather
probable that they did whistle.
In the excavations of prehistoric
mounds there have been found a num-
Der Of curious whistles, made of stone.
shells, bone and other materials, which
go to show that men of every age have
been addicted to whistling. DR.. Borden.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
Sowing Turnips.

Turnips may be soWn any time before
the 10th Of August, and under favor
able conditions make good crop They
should be sown on very well-prepared
ground, and if soWn just before a rain
they will come up and make a rapid
growth. The fleece beetle is very des-
tructive some years, and the only rene
dy seems to SOW them pretty thick,
thinning them out later when the in
sects have disappeared. On small
patches in gardens, SCOT is sometimes
efticacious in driving them off.
Turnips make their growth after the
cool night comes, and should be allow
ed to remain in the ground until after
hard frosts have appeared. On many
farms this root is never grown, but
there are few farms on which it might
not be grown with fair profit.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

mill in such manner that thk cup
must be held in the hand to be, filled
and retained there till it is emptjed, as
then only can it be set upon the table.
The drinker, having swallowed the con-
tents, blew up the pipe at the side,
which gave a shril1 whistle and set
the sails of the windmill in motion.
The power Of the blow and the length
OF the gyration were indicated in
small dial upon the front of the mill
and also in some degree testified to the
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
FIatterinS.

The female grasshopper was OBJ.
viously pleased.
MY DEAR" she observed, "some meu
tried to kill me to-day"
Her husband recoiled in horror
Heavens" he gasped
II thoroughly believe"
With a gratifed smile she contem-
plated herself in the pool of clear wa
tiers at her feet
they took me for a seventeen year
locust"
Deity plucling gray hair from her
head she relapsed into silence.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

histle Cut in Prehistoric Tooth.
ly was in a shop when an American
came to see this great phenomenon
After Uncle Sans representative, had
heard the talented bivalve perform he
simply shrugged his shoulders with
contempt and said that lit was moth
ing to an oyster he knew of in Massa-
chusetts which whistled Yankee Doc
die clear through and followed its
master about the house like a dog"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
Flying Whistles.

generally escape being touched, the
devil evidently having his hands full
attending to the lords of creation In
far away Iceland they not only abhor
whistling but believe that che who
swings a stick or whip or any other
object, thereby producing a Whistling
sound, drives the Holy Ghost away
from him." These eccentricities of su-
perstition often finds expression where
you least expect it. There appears to
be firm-rooted prejudice against
whistling women; evils Of every kind,
from the fall of nations to the fall of a
saucer, are sure to be the consequence
This applies alike to the performer and
to the luckless listeners.
This widespread superstition origin
ated, according to legend lore, because
a woman is said to have stood and
whistled while the nails used for the
cruci6xion were being forged. Certain
it is, however, that women Of to-day
are not hampered with any evil conse-
Quences attendant upon their whistling
propensities, judging from the many
amateur and professional whistlers
that are found among the fair sex ev-
erywhere The only reasonable objec-
ton to a whistling woman is that it
distorts her pretty face. This was the
reason why the naughty goddess Min
erva used strong adjective as she
threw away the whistle that proved
fatal to Marsyas. She happened to see
her face in pool Of water while she
was whistling, and that settled it.
Wherever you go you will hear the
time-honored couplet:
A whistling wife and a Growing hen
Will call the old gentleman out of his
den.
There are numerous versions of these
lines. but all with the same purport.
Sailors are loath to tolerate woman
INDUCING in the habit Of whistling.
The origin of the saying, 1tWet your
whistle" can be traced to the famous
bringing bouts Of old, A curious old
drinking cup in surrounded by a wind
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

ious, or when the blood is impure or slug
gish to permanently cure habitual eonstipa-
ton, to awaken the kidneys and liver to a
healthy activity, without irritating or
weakening them, to dispel headaches, colds
or feyers use Syrup of Figs.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

Miss BERTHA WOLFE,
of Dayton, CGttGraugsls
Co., N. r., writes: Il
suffered from loss of
appetite, constipation,
neuralgia, and great
weakness. and had ter
rible attacks Of sick
. headache very fire.
quently; also nose
bleed. Ny health was
SO poor that I was
not able to go to school
for two years. I took
DIR. Pierce's Pleasant
Pellets and Golden
Medical Discovery. and
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

A great sensation has been caused
in Austria by the Imprisonment of a
fourteen-year-old boy on the charge of
lese majestic. The little fellow, Edu-
ardo Ercolessi, was arrested in Trieste
a few weeks ago, charged with making
improper remarks regarding the Aus
trian emperor. He was tried in secret
and condemned to hard labor in prison
for two months The public prosecutor
proposed to Danish the boy from the
country, but the courts would not up
hold him in this. Ercolessi, who is .
school boy, is said to be the youngest
person ever imprisoned for such q
stcrime."
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
ALL ABOUT WHISTLES
SAVANI"S THEORY. THAT WHIST.
LING PRECEDED SPEECH.

Art OF Whtstling Dates Back to Pre-
historic Times, Ancient Tombs
Showing Whistles Made Of Shells
and Bone-The Ban Against Whist
ling Women.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
A DOG DRUNkARD
Bumpus Never Missed a Chance to
Drink Liquor, and Finally Went
the Way Of all His Kind.

Bumpus Never Missed a Chance to
Drink Liquor, and Finally Went
the Way of all His Kind.
In bear stories sometimes you hear
truth-stretching yarns about how Bruin
was conquered by filling him with Ii
quor. One day last winter when a
horse was hauled out of the East
river after several hours struggle for
life in its freezing embrace, they gave
straight whisky. And here is another
story of whisky-drinKing animal-a
dog out in Ohio, who was an habitual
drunkard, so they say, and whose bibu-
lous propensities actually led to his
death, which happened the other day
at Wilmington, in the Buckeye State.
This dog drunkard's name was Bump
us, after "Bumpus'' Jones, once a IA
nous pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds.
At about the same time the dog came
to Wilmington from somewhere in the
back country. Where he acquired the
taste for drink was never known. He
soon became one of the sights of the
town, and had to stand up and be
treated oftener than the most inveter-
ate rOunder.
He was never known to refuse any
thing, drinking champagne or other
the poor fellow a quart or more of
wine with the same avidity that he
Tapped up the stale dregs of some old
beer key. He would drink, too, until
he got so full he could no longer navf
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

ing as athletes before their best girls,
and, of course, we help them out. Can
you detect these pads when a cyclist
is out for spin? No, don't think so.
You see, they are made very carefully,
so that they will not slip. A band Of
cotton slips around the sole of the foot
and the pad is drawn over the leg just
like a stocking after it has been filled
out to meet the requirements of the
wearer. A separate pad is frequently
made for the knee and directly above
it. When it is on the stocking is
drawn over it, the garter fastened
above the knee and then you have q
thin-legged swell with calves that
would rival those Of a chorus girl. Are
they very warm in this weather? I
should think they would be, but that
never bothers the fellows who buy
them. They are too proud Of their &C.
quired possessions to allow the wealth.
er to worry them.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25
Don't Give Up the Ship!

Don't Give Up the Ship!
So say those who, having experienced it's
benefits themselves, advise their despairing
friends to use Hostetters Stomach Bitters
for the combined evils-liver complaint, dys-
Fruitful of benefit is the bitters in malaria,
rheumatic and kidney troubles and nery-
BUSINESS. Use the great remedy with per-
sistence.
It Is not safe depending on what some
men say. They sometimes speak the truth.
The longest prayers sometimes have the
shortest range
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

Thy friend has friend and thy friends
friend has friend; be discreet.-Talmud.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

''Hanson's Magic Corn Salve."
Warranted to money refunded Ask vour
druggist for it, Price Is cents.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1894-08-25

The greatest difficulties are always found
where we are not looking for them-Goethe.