The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1894-07-20
49, H----a--aa-H -H.| .aaa .-4
SLYiNG FUN.

Johnny" said the teacher, sfS n
jacbass biped or quadrupedT' T.
"Please, SIR" said Johnny, "that de-
pends on the jackass life.
i've never had the courage to get
married" Haven't, en-? Whats your
buslness?" "Oh. I'm only lioD-tam-
er."-Phlladelphia Record.
His mother-"You ought to feel
ashamed of yourself for fighting little
Johnny Naybors." Tommy-T do,
mamma, he licked me."-Chicago Re
cord.
He exhibiting sketch)-"It's the best
thing I ever did" She (sympathetic-
ally)-"Oh, well, you mustn't let that
discourage you.--Boston Home Jour
nal.
Wife-"1sn't II funny? Prof Garner
says the gorilla only speaks eight
words" misunderstanding strange.
he has five or six wives "-Cleveland
Plaindcaler.
First lady-"And the last thing that
Henry did was to give me kiss"
Second lady-"Indeed; | should think
that is about the last thing he would
do."-Tit-Bits
AT what time IN life do YOU con.
slider man in his prlmeg" when he
Is neither young enough nor old enough
70 want to write poetry. WAS shington
Star.
what do the girls call that club of
yoursy" ''rhe Analytical" HIN.
What do you analyzeT "Other peo-
pies regulations, mostly. washing
ton Star
How many ladies have you invit-
oil A.. d.
you We're going to invite fifty?" But
consider the fashion in cleeves. New
York Press.
Mrs. Winks-"Dame Fortune has
been smiling on Neighbor Hicks. l
hear Mrs Jinks-"Oh, the horrid old
wretch. and his poor dear wife not
dead a month."-Chicago Inter-Ocean.
People don't die very often over
here, do theyT inquired the smart
New Yorker. "No, only once" replied
the Philadelphlan. And there was an
intense silence.-Phlladelph!a Record.
Maude-"Why don't Laura marry
Dick Hobson? l thought she liked
him" Clara-"She does, but she says
1t Shall never be said Of her that she
was Hobson's choice. New York
World
Mrs. Brown (nudging Mr. Brown,
who snores with his mouth open)-
william, you'd make less noise IL
you'd keep your mouth shut" Mr.
Brown (only half awake)-"So'd you"
Life.
MANDY, did you read that notice on
the counter, Your choice for fifteen
cents|" Mandy-"Land sakes. yes
but it looks like an awful price to ask
for them clerks"-Chicago Inter-O Ocean.
Marriage" remarked the professor,
"was a rite practiscd by the an
clients" "And bachelorhood," inter
rupted a maiden of forty. sis wrong
practised by the moderns. Harper i
BaZar.
"Did your late boarder succeed in
removing all his effects!' II should
say not" rejoined the landlady II
don't suppose l can ever get the cigar
eDte smell out of the curtains Chi
cago Tribune.
"1s your daughter Improving in her
paintingi" MOther-''Well, | should
say 80. Her last picture was so good
that only three of the family failed TO
guess what It was."-ChicagO Inter
Ocean.
She Qn affright>-"Oh, Tom, why DO
you make such awful faces at meT"
He (contritely)-"I can't help it, dear.
My eyeglasses are falling Off and
don't want to let go Of your hands,
Boston Home Journal
"Billy Bliven asked Miss Parsefgh
how old she was" said one girl to an
other. Did she get angryr' "No;
she was fiattered. She thought she
must look very young or he'd never
have dared. Washington Star.
At the Chess Match.-Dr. Schweitzer
-"Playing chess is like making Love
the knight tries to take the queen: you
are mated by the bishop then off to
the castle-in the air-and, alas. every
thing is in pawnv-Hello.
Don't sit on this bench with mo,
George, please" said Maud. "Why
nOt?" asked George. Because il Is
only strong enough for one" said
Maud. Then, l say, Maud, can't we
be made one?" suggested George. =
Harper's Bazar.
"Do you think that woman is fickL, :"
said Kiddins. Certainly not" replied
Kaddins. You can always depend on
her. She announces that she will do
as she pleases, and keeps her word
religiously. y."-Washington Star.
Banks-'What did her father say
when you told him that you wanted
to marry his daughter Rivers
"Well. he didn't absolutely refuse. but
he imposed a very serious condition ~
Banks-"What was IT." Rivers "Hc
said he would see me hanged first
Brooklyn Life.