Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1894-07-06
4 Mustard plaster Misplaced.

The most laughable incident that has
occurred for many years, it is said, happen
ed not long ago in one of the downtown
taverns, says the Washington Post. An
old gentleman and his wife arrived from a
western city and took up quarters Oh the
third floor. The husband was an invalid,
having suffered from stomach troubles for
many years. He came to this city to press
his claims for the office of postmaster in
his city, and brought his wife along for the
purpose of taking care of him. The first
night the couple were in the hotel the old
gentleman was seized suddenly about mid
night with violent cramps.
1t was an old affection with him. and,
knowing that her husband was likely to be
so afflicted at any minute, the wife had
come prepared for any emergency, having
a quantity of powered mustard and cloths
in her satchel. Very hot mustard plasters,
it seemed. we-e the only thing that afforded
the sufferer any relief in such attacks.
Accordingly, when her husband uttered
his first groan the good wife sprang out of
bed, slipped on wrapper, and dived into
the depths of the gripsack after the mustard.
She produced a small tin box filled with
the Misunderstanding yellow powder, and
roll of soft strips of muslin, then gided
softly out of the room, remarking to her
husband, who lay in the bed bent up like a
jacknife, 'lll have your plaster ready in a
moment, dear
NOiselessly she hurried along the corri-
dor until she reached the toilet-room.
where, by means of a flow of hot water,
she nrenarad a MASTER about the size of a
dinner-plate. When everything was ready
she clasped the plaster tightly in her hands
to prevent its cooling before she reached
her husbands side. and hurried back to
the room.
The Gas in the room had been turned
very low. but there was light enough for
the faithful old wife to see what she was
doing. She approached the side of the bed
very gently. and with all the tenderness of
her nature annlied tbe master ia tbe main.
racked abdomen of the man. Then She
crossed to the other side of the bed and.
living down. carefully awaited results.
"Do YOU feel easier, dear?" She inquired
sweetlv, after few minutes.
No answer.
"Don't Won feel better. peto" she asked
again. as She turned over TO gently cares
her husband.
.Trob - was the renlv az the male form
turned and stretched Then there was q
veil and scramble snch as never before ~
since disturbed the neacefuI ouiet of thai
hotel. The woman had made The astonish.
inc discovery that the man to whom she
had applied the mustard pIaster was moi
her husband. but instead was a tota,
stranger. She had entered the wrono
room,
bounding ont like a frightened antelone
she rushed into the adjoining room wrino
inc her hands and balf-dead with faar ana
excitement Her sick-hushand who Inv
this time had crown easier was sittino mn.
riobt m he'd and as his wife entered tLe
room and sanl, avhausted on tho Aoor h,
said.
"Nbat ON earth is the matter Martha
Has ANYBODY hurt you9 sneak mick
woman,''
90. 10. cot into the wrono
ROOM moaned the wifa vainIv andaavoT,
inc ia calm herself she fhan evnIainad
fuIlv what had hannened and when She
had completed the story of her embarras :.
inc mistake the husband innnireJ.
well. where is tbe mustard nlastero"
CT left if on the mans stomach =,
sobbed the moor woman again bnrstinc in.
to tears.
Before the astoDisbed husband had time
TO realize what his wife had said there