Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-05-10

ucipuid hcCOtus tfeiss'i.' ifls
n A BEETLE can draw twenty times
its own weight So can a mustard
plaster. --Siftings.
=. TEACUEg-What did Caesar say
when Brutus stabbed him? Bright
boy-Ouch.--Hallo.
No MATTER how low fashionable
dress may be cut, it always comes
high.-Dallas News
DUDE-Do you think 1 have the
brain fever, Doctor? Doctor-Oh, no,
but you have the fever.
If you will notice, the experienced
waiter is seldom upset, no matter
how big a tip he gets. Buffalo
Courier.
lis jerks in the swim nowadays?"
Guess he must be. His best girl has
just thrown him overheard. Buffalo
Courier.
JUST about now one naturally ex-
poets the poultry raisers' conversation
TO abound In set phrases. Buffalo
Courier.
BLEsT is the man who has music
In his soul, except him who walks up
the church aisle with creaking shoes.
Lowell Courier.
THIS is the season of the year when
the awning-maker begins to put the
remainder Of mankind in the shade.
Buffalo Courier.
Few people can stand prosperity;
but they are legion compared with
the people who never have a chance
to stand it.-Puck.
JoHNNY--Pa, did you know ma be-
fore you were married? Pa with a
sight, thought l did, Johnny
Boston Transcript.
RICH AUNT-It seems to me as IL
you only came when you needed
money. Poor Nephew-But / can't
come oftener.
ORDINARY beer is sold by the bar
rel, but book, Notwithstanding its
goat emblem, is not disposed Of by
the butt. philadelphia Times.
A STILL. HUNT. Nervous wife-I
hear a burglar. Nervous husband
Woo. I'll crawl under the bed and
see IL he IT, is there.-New York
Weekly. ayEn
CLARA What are you reading
now? Dora-Historica novels. do
you like them" "Yes, indeed; there
is so much l can skip. New York
Weekly, .o7 sta
SoBBINa wIFE-Three years ago
you swore eternal love, and
Brutal husband-How long do you
expect eternal love to last, anyway?
Halo.
JILLsON says it i'll becomes cler-
gyman to rail against Board OF Trade
men simply because they make their
living by dealing in futures. Buffalo
Courier.
TEACHER-@Name some of the
great inventions Of the age?" Little
Girl" 'Lectric lights, telephones,
talkin-dOlls, an'--an' safety pins. -
Good News.
is SMARTER just right in saying
that he speaks French without any
noticeable accent" yes, indeed,
without even a French accent
Chicago Record.
HOTEL PRoPRIETOR-"We don't
allow any games Of chances here"
Gambler-"This isn't game OF
chance. My friend here has no
chance. brooklyn Life.
EMPLoYER-Boy, take this letter,
and wait for an answer. New boy
Yes, sir. Employer-Well, what are
you waiting fora New boy-The an
swer, siE-Harper's Bazaar.
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER-"What
crime did Joseph's brothers commit
when they sold him for twenty-five
pieces OF silver?" Practical Boy
sold him too cheap. Halo.
HAVEN'T you made Mr.. Rulger's
portrait good deal more than life
size?" said one artist to another.
@Perhaps. You see, that's as big as
he thinks he is."-Washington Star
GIRL (weeping)-Im so sorry you
have to go on the road again. 1t al
most breaks my heart. drummer
Don't cry, Fanny; I'll manage to
pick up another girl somewhere.
Siftings
osITY.--Grandpa," said Tom
my, examining critically the bald
head Of his ancestor, may / ask you
a question: Certainly. Tommy. do
you comb your hair with a razOr?"-
Texas Siftings.
JUDGE-Well, Doctor, what is the
condition of the burglars victim?
Doctor-One of his wounds Is abso-
lutely fatal, but the other two are
not dangerous and can be healed. -
Fliegende Blaetter.
MR. GRUMPs--@aWhat earthly good
would it do IL women should be al
lowed to take a hand in politics."
Mrs. Grumpps-@Well, for one thing,
we'd clean house good deal oftener
than you men voters do. New York
Weekly.
HUSBAND (yituperatively)-I was
a fool when / married you. Mary!
Wife (quietly)-Yes, Tom, know
you were! But what could do?
You seemed my only chance, and 1
thought then that you might improve
a little with time!--Grip.