Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-08-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Lofty ideallsts are usually men who
are too lazy to work. Puck.
Truth is mighty; but it will not
prevail in q horse trade. Puck.
People do a great deal of talking
about the lost art of conversation.
Puck.
The great beauty of adversely as
medicine is that 1t is not sugar coated.
Puck.
vokes-"Is Miss drummer emanci-
pated?" Carson-"Well, she shaves.
Truth.
Executive ability is the faculty of
getting some one else to do your
work. Puck.
The best way for some people to
forge to the front is for them to take
back seat. Dallas News.
When q man makes a blunder he
can't blame on somebody else, he
decides to say nothing about it,
Atchison Globe.
The Kentucky six x-footer whose
bride is only three feet high is no
very VI LID pOotOh
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
"Talk about your mosquito coast !"
said the man as he tenderly rubbed
the shining surface on his bald head.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Lady--"How is this insect powder
to be applied?" Assistant (absent
mindedly)-"Give 'em a teaspoonful
after each meal. "--Tit-Bits.
He-"I've bought you pet mon
key to amuse you, darling" She
ooh, how kind of you! Now shan't
miss you when you are away. Tit
Bits.
81 wish you would give us some
thing more on current topics.
"Here's the very thing; an article on
the overhead trolley. ."-Washington
Star.
Good intent is but added exaspera.
tion when its consequences are disas'
trous. The man killed accidentally
is lust as dead as the man murdered.
Truth.
Mr.. Flitty-'I had all the conceit
taken ont of me yesterday" Miss
Victor "Really? How did they carry
it off? On freight train. detroit
Free Press.
Professor Ito class in political econ
omy)-"What is the hardest tax to
raise?" Student Whose mother is
housecleaning)-"Carpet tacks. DE.
troit Free Press.
"The teacher says your Freddie
wastes great deal of his time at
school," Mother--"W We'll, I'm glad to
hear it, for l was afraid he didn't go
half the time. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Servant - "Please, mum, Mrs. Next
doc wants you to lend her some read.
ing suitable for sick person.
Mistress - Certainly. Give her
those medical almanacs. New York
Weekly.
,Wife--"How people gaze at my
new dress presume they wonder if
I've been shopping in Paris" Hus.
band--"More likely they wonder if
I've been robbing a bank. Now
York Weekly.
"Don't you consider Miss Bondby
rather dull?" said one society man.
"Well," replied another, "after the
manner in which she cut yon this
morning 1 can't say that 1 do
Washington Star
Lord de Void Ito Miss Budd, whom
he meets travelling on the continent)
CT thought once that all the pwetty
Amerwican girls came abwoad, but
when 1 went to New York decided
that they all stayed at home."-
Judge.
Miss Skrumchus us-'1 was so digust.
ed to see people take up their ear OF
corn in their fingers. always use
knife to detach the corn from the ear. "
Mrs. Homespun-"Well, suppose q
knife answers right we'll where one
has no teeth. boston Transcript.
Edith-"What quick turn for
repartee Harry Prince has !" Mabel
-''But he never says anything to
wound ones feelings" Edith-"Aud
then he's so gallant! You should
think the world of him. He was so
prompt in your defence the other
dayl Somebody remarked, There
are no frills on Mabel Stone, and
Harry replied, 'On the contrary, she
is distinctly plain. '"-Boston Tran
script.
A Wellesley College girl tells of
bright saying of one of their number.
The class was selecting motto, and
''To thy own self be true" was sug-
gested, after a number of others had
been disapproved of, and met with
quite favorable reception till
young lady arose, and said she hardly
thought that appropriate for young
ladies' seminary-"For it shall fol-
low, as the night the day, thou wilt
not then be false to any man"
Amidst great applause they discarded
that motto. o.--Housekeeper.