Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-03-15
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Dsy
"A Budget of Fun.
Sprinkles OF Spice.

| OK SpICSs
| OF course a bright girl ought to
have spark of humor. Lowell Cou-
rier.
TO TELL dignified citizen to pull
down his vest is apt to raise his
choler.-Siftings.
! THE criminal Sheriff can manage
an execution as soon as he gets the
hang Of the thing. -Picayune.
THE fact that woman is Tightly
by no means indicates that she is
growing wings. Detroit Tribune.
SOME fiddlers can play tune on
one string, but it never makes any
body want to dance. Rams Horn.
TEACHER-Deflne quartz Milk
mans son (who is rather absent
minded)-Pint and half. lid Bits.
TIL-"What is your father going to
give you when you get married." Lii
His consent, l suppose. The
Standard.
DUKE OF SQUALLBRo-"I will never
marry woman cleverer than myself"
Miss Whirlsfair-"Yo have great
trouble getting suited. Vogue.
IN olden times the Egyptians had
a cat cemetery which they consid-
cred sacred. We suppose they called
it their cattycombs. Rochester Dem
ocrat
THE seraphic uplifting Of the soul
following ones first shave in the
downy period of ones existence can
never be repeated. Boston Tran
script.
DR.. Book, Of Leipsic, says: Beer
is brutalizing, wine impassions, whis-
| ky infuriates." He is not the Book
the beer is named after, evidently
Boston Globe.
TaE editor who is always feeling
the pulse Of the people is not really
interested in their heart beats. 1t
is his own circulation that he is look
ing after.-Life.
Mr.. CRIT1C-"If that's "A Hunting
Scene why don't the men haveguns?"
Mr.. Caustic-"Perhaps the artist
painted them SO naturally that they've
gone off. Jester.
MAUD-Why don't you give young
Sewers some encouragement if you
love hi II? Nell-Oh, he ought to be
able to press his own suit; he's tai
lor. Philadelphia Record.
FIRST DEACON (criticising MINISTRY
-"Well. if Mr. HardteXt isn't very
interesting, he at least doesn't slop
over" Second Deacon-"No: he is
too dry for that. Texas Siftings
THE PoET's WIFE. They say that
poetry is drug on the market" The
Poet If you'd ever sold
any poetry and bought any drugs
you'd know the difference. Harlem
Life.
ELDERLY MA1DEN-This is so I'M
expected, Mr.. Wellalong, that-that
you must give me time. Elderly
Lover-Time, Miss Rebecca? Do you
think there is any to spare?- Chicago
Tribune.
THIS taxin' incomes amt the
thing to do to make the country
rich" said Uncle Silas. They'd
oughter tax expenditures People'd
spend less'n' save more then.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
MISS HEvvIswELL asked me to
call, said Cholly, with delighted
grin. did she?" said his unkind
friend. "She told me yesterday she
was going to be very careful to avoid
all pleasure during Lent. Wash
ington Star.
CLOSE MERCHANT-Yes, Sir, |
want a new book-keeper, but you
won't do. Applicability 1 ask
whyo Close Merchant-You are
bald as billiard ball, sir. A man
with no hair to wipe his pen on will
rust out a whole box every week.
New York Weekly.
WIDow-"I want stone for my
husbands grave exactly like the 9th.
er one in the lot" Agent-"But
isn't it trif1e small for a man Of
your husbands prominence" Widow
mo, sir! Ii Thomas thought
stone like that was good enough for
his first wife, / guess it's plenty good
enough for Thomas. Life.
Mr. FARwEsT-"I met my old
schoolmate, Lakeside, to-day, for the
first time in an age, and thought
from the way he acted when / men,
toned you that you and he must have
had some romance Or other before we
met" Mrs. Farwest-"No romance
about it. We were married for few
wears, that's all. New York Weekly.
MANAGER-"The critics say that in
the play "A Wronged Wife, you do
not exhibit enough emotion when
your husband leaves you, never to re-
turn" Popular Actress - Oh. l
don't, don't /? Well, I've had two
or three husbands leave, never to re-
turn, and / guess know as much
about how to act under those circum-
stances as anybody. Puck.