The Washington times., 1894-10-26
Why Jones Quit the Club.

it happened on the North side. There is a
woman in the case, and out of Difference to
her it would not be just the proper thing to
locate the incident more definitely. The gen.
tleman who played the leading role in the
little comedy in real life is named Jones, and
he is man of considerable note in Chicago's
business world and also occupies an envia-
bic position in North side society. Not that
Mr.. Jones could by any stretch of the mean
ing of the word be considered society man,
for he is not nor ever was. Indeed. it was
Jones eminent fitness to shine as a social
star coupled with his extreme reserve and
shyness toward the fair sex, that led tup TO
this story.
Now while Jones was always so careless or
shy OF the society of ladies as TO acquire the
reputation of being woman-hater, he was
Veritable lion in one or two select social cir
cles composed exclusively of men. OF one of
these clubs, whose main purpose was the
study of the game of draw poker, Mr., Jones
was, like Dick Swiyeller, the perpetual grand
master. This club used to meet in quiet
back room over very swell saloon on the
North side, and there the small and very Sc
lect circle of members would meet regularly
once week and discuss rare brands of Rhine
wine, tell good stories, and play poker.
Jones was the light Of the circle. Being
prosperous business man as well as a man of
education and travel, he was looked upon as
a sort of oracle by the little group of spirits
with whom he associated. But while Jones
information on ali topics was of the most
exact and of the latest in point of news, and
while his stories were always of the wittiest
and most fully up-to-date specimens, some
how he always managed to steer clear OF
those in which women cut figure in any way
whatever.
That was the one topic on which Jones
seemed to be out OF touch with his associates.
When his friends had stories to tell OF their
own escapades in which some one of the fair
sex might be involved. Jones always grew
silent and disposed TO assume an air of dig
nifty and reserve. In fact. the air OF the little
clubroom always grew decidedly chilly when
ever the discussion OF women took on
doubtful phase, as it sometimes will when
only young men are present.
The question of matrimony Jones was al
ways willing 10 discuss in a lofty, digniiled
way, bur bis views could always be summed
up IN a very short sentence; II was failure,
and that was all there was to it. The doubt
full relations between the sexes he would not
deign TO discuss at all. Ali this about Jones
in order that the fine import OF what follows
may be fully appreciated.
1t happened in the course of time that
Jones, without any warning or explanation,
suddenly ceased coming 10 the club The
other members maryeled, but Jones was a
man with whom il was safe TO 60 only about
so far in questions relating TO his private af-
fairs. He met the other boys frequently, and
while disposed TO talk about the club with in
terest and was always ready to respond with
o liberal check when called on for his share
toward the clubs expenses, in answer TO
questions why he never came around any
more he simply said he did not find it con-
venient at present
Interest in the clubs meetings soon began
to Wane after Jones quit coming, and its very
existence began TO be threatened. One rainy
Saturday night half dozen or SO of the
members were sitting listessly around dis
cUssinG the adyisability of givingup the room
and disDanding. when one of the members in
q contemplative mood remarked: Il wonder
what in--has come over Jones, anyhow"
What's the matter with going and making
an investigations" said practical member.
The idea caught all present at once. Drinks
were ordered several times, and with the pros
pect of what they had in store their spirits
rose amazingly. One or two of the club men
had some misgivings about the outcome of
the proposed investigation, but a few more
rounds of drinks cleared all such scruples
away. About u o'clock the spirits Of the club
had risen to the necessary pitch to start QUIT
investigate Jones. The gang started out for
tocratic establishments of its kind on that Sc
lect side of the city. A ring at the doorbell
brought servant who informed the ques-
toner that Mr.. Jones no longer lived there,
and further inquiry only elected the informa-
ton that Jones mad moved over on a certain
street near another; the slavey did not know
the number.
The investigators started out again, stop
ping at several saloons along the way to keep
their spirits as well as courage up. At drug
store near the corner indicated they learned
that Mr.. Jones lived in the second fiat in a
very pretentious building on the opposite
corner. The entrance was by a stairway
leading up from a side street. Here was a
find worth making in the estimation of the
tipsy clubmen.
"Oh! think of Jones in a nice, quiet little
fat all to himself said one of the leading
spirits Don't you suppose he has a bird up
in that snug little cage? OH no, 1 reckon
not"
They waddled over to the corner through
the mud and rain, and at the foot of the
stairway held a council of war. 1t was finally
agreed that one of the gang should go up
and rap, and if Jones was home and every
thing was all right tell him who were below
and trust to his old-tIme geniality for the
rest. The advance guard mounted the stair
and there was almost breathless suspense
below while waiting developments All of a
sudden the reconnoiterer stepped out on the
landing and began to make wild and unin-
telligible gesticuiations, while he laughed
and gurgled incoherently.
He finally managed to make himself under
stood to the extent of saying: big thing;
come upl'' The others filed up as cautiously
as possible under the circumstances. When
they reached the landing their advance guard
was pointing in the direction of one of the
windows. through which beam of light was
shining out on the side of the curtain.
this aperture they could get glimpse
OF Jones sitting back in an easy chair in a
furnished room, while tete-a-
tete beside him sat a wonderfully pretty
woman. They were chatting away in the
happiest sort of manner, all unconscious of
what was going on without.
Another consultation was held, and it was
decided to storm the castle at once. The
joke was too good TO keep moment longer.
Here was Jones. the ascetic, caught in his
hypocrisy; the cozv nest he had built in this
place had proved a veritable
trap for him. They would yank him out,
make him acknowledge his guilt. and then,
whatever else might happen-might. Prob
ably Jones would unbend and acknowledge
the corn. and they would celebrate their dis
covery with many cups of the rosy.
At a signal given by the leader six canes
were pounding a tattoo on Jones back door,
which sounded like the rattle of distant mus
kerry. 1t set all the dogs in the neighbor-
hood to barking and windows were raised for
q block around and heads poked out to see
what all the trouble was about The battery
brought Jones on the double quick, armed
with formidable looking revolver.
His demand TO know who was there and
what was wanted brought chorus of thick
tonpued resnonses of tOnen the door old