Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1894-12-25
THE MAJOR ESCAPED.

l1lL uAOSl.lG 11k0SkA1 LII.
If ever there was a foreordained old
bachelor, that man was Major Teller.
He was dapper, thin little man,
something under feet in height, with
a glossy black wig. closely trimmed
side whiskers, and costume SO daintily
neat that he reminded you of a shining
black cat.
1t was high noon on sparkling
windy March day when Major Teller
came home to the antique down town
boarding house where he had vegetated
for the last 80 years and went to his
room to brush his wig for the midday
meal. Opening the door, he stumbled
over an obstacle in the way:
'tOh, beg your pardon, I'm sure, ("
said the major, turning very red and
recovering his footing with difficulty.
1t was Miss Patience Pettgrew, ON
her hands and knees, cleaning off the
oiloloth at the doorl
Now, the major was afraid of Miss
Patience afraid Of her Us the plump
lamb fears the gaunt wolf or the unof-
Tending robin the dire serpent.
Miss Patience was tall and lean and
sallow, but she curled her hair, and
wore an artificial rose over her left ear,
and sang little whistling tunes to lit
tie spindle legged piano, and firmly be-
lieyed that if she only waited little
longer she should get married to some
body.
It's of no consequence, major, said
Miss Patience, recovering her piece OF
soap, which had skirmished out to the
middle of the carpet.
Thank you.
ST do wonder, major, - said Miss Pa
thence, with a pre1nonitory giggle, tswhy
you never got married. y
The major retired preoipitately be-
hind tie coal scuttle and made no re-
ply.
s'You'd be SO much more comfortable,
You know" added Miss Patience.
Dear me, that was very narrow es.
cape, Thought our hero, emerging from
his sanctuary. t'Some day she'll be toe
much for me. I'll look for new place
tomorrow.
Dear me, major, you have no appe.
| tite, - said Miss Patience sweetly al
the dinRer table,
ssNo, ma'am, /" said the major.
'+Don't you know, major, people will
say you are in love if you don't eat
more?"
ST WON'T go back to that house if
can help it, thought Major Teller,
brushing the cold dew away from hi.
forehead with crimson handkerchief
"Her intentions are serious; know
they are.
I,Se a1E
reviewed the catechism and hymns b,
had learned as child, trying to thinl
if there was not some invocation partic
ularly suited to an elderly gentleman il
great peril and perplexity.
TITS 90 years since I've been in th,
inside of a church, thought the peni
tent old offender. ~ wish had gone
little more regularly. wonder if It'll
too late in life to reform. y
For the major, poor old gentleman
had a vague idea that religion" woulC
be sort of safeguard against the vile
of his fair enemy.
AS Major Teller was hantically re
vo1ving these things in his mind h
came to sudden and involuntary stand
still. There was crowd gathered il
the street-a fallen omnibus horse, or al
arrested pickpocket or some other nu
cleus.
Now, of all things, Major Teller mos
dreaded a crowd, and he looked aroun,
neryouHly for some means of escape
An old fashioned church, with opei
doors and some sort of service goin
ON inside, caught the major eye. ii
made an instantaneous dart for its hug
gothic portals, shielded by inner door
of green baize.
4 The church was very warm, and th
light, softened by purple and golde
and crimson glass, was dim, and the Glen
gyman' 8 voice rather monotonous, an
Major Teller was unconsciously becom
ing rather drowsy, when a plump oil
lady came in, and the sexton beckone
him from his seat.
Bnt the sermon was over, and peopl
were streaming down the aisle, and th
major felt that he didno care to prS
long the dining, and that he had done,
very laudable act in coming to churcl
and
Even while these ideas were passin
ndis6nctly through his brain he wa
borne toward the altar In an upwar
eddy of the crowd and felt gannt am
thrust through his.
Protect me, mlajorI r, whispered Atis
Patience Pettigrew. I'm so feared
a crowd always .
The major stroye to Withdraw M
arm, but Miss Petigrew would not le
him. They were standing directly i
front of the altar arm in arm. The min
: lister, old and nearsi GIFTED and q ittl
deaf, advanced, probably concludin
that his services were required
Major Telerss blood ran cold. q
tried 10 protest, but his tongue SCENE