The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1894-01-17

terrified and forsaken Cinderella on find
ing herself alone on a foreign strand
utterly wilted and shed gallons of tears.
Presently becoming more calm, she
wiped her gushing orbs on her bandana
handkerchief. and while debating in her
mind whether TO sue Thaddeus for $780,
600 for breach of promise, or induce her
brother TO plentifuHy let daylight
through him with loaded double-barrel
shotgun. Bacchus came along and mar
ried her on the spot. 1t was case of
love at first sight. The name of the
officiating clergyman is not given.
The worship of rubicund mellifiuOus
Bacchus extended over Belgium, France,
England, Germany, Spain and Portugal,
and in all lands where the vine was cul-
tivated by the Greeks and apple jack
by the Americans. Today he is wor-
SHIPPED all over the United States. Many
festivals were given in honor of.-Rac-
chus, at which more cogniac, French
brandy gin, old bourbon and aromatic
Scheidam scnapps was absorbed than at
the farewell banquets. The guests, mas
culine and feminine, became diabolically
obstreperouS and uproarous, and in
dulged in all kinds of pranks Multi
tudes of conundrums were propOunded.
"Bacchus' asked Jochus at one of
these festivals, "can you tell me what
kind of monkeys grow on grape vines?'
Bacchus gave ii up, and Jochus an
swered why, gra-apes, and all the
guests naW-naWeQ immensely. lneH
CalthumpuS would ask: Bonus. what
smells the most when you go into
drug stOre?" and Bonus would quickly
reply, "Gra-apes," and others would
guess asafoetida, syrup of squills, and
essence Of skunk. Calthumpus would
scornfully interrupt with, You ignoram-
uses. I'll tell you what smells the most
when you enter a drug store, your
noses, of course" and thus the festive
gods with merry jest and gibe would
while away the weary hours. The tenn
perance societies obtained many sigma
lures to a petition asking the authori-
ties to prohibit these noisy banQuets,
and a member of the state senate made
himself conspicuous by introducing a
bill proposing that the Moffat bell
punch be used at the Bacchus festivals;
but Bacch belonged to the strongest polit-
ial party, had lots of influence at the
ward meetings and delegate elections,
and all efforts to curtail his pleasures
and privileges proved futile, and the
mighty bibulous gods nose became so
red that when he went staggering over
the hill on his way home Prof. Johnson,
the planet detective, would frequently
| mistake it for a shooting star or
| flaming meteor. Sculptors and painters
| represent BaCchuS as spending all his
money for intOxicants and not a cent
| for clothes. Moral: Look not on black
| spirits and white, red, brown and yell
| low unless your wife owns a sewing
machine and can earn enough money
| making shirts at 70 cents per dozen to
| keep you in clothes.
Friend Cyril The Sentinel contain
| ing your interesting article didn't make
| its appearance until my last communi-
cation was mailed, hence I was not
appraised of your wish to learn the tni-
| tials of my name until the eleventh
hour. They are William p. little less
| than a century ago L corresponded pref
] ty extensively for various Upton and
Hamilton county papers and for the
| New Castle Democrat, under the MONS
| Of 'Shulamite" and "Tulpahocke," and
| later on. while a member Of the world
| renowned household of Columbia's cham
pion organ under the nom of ''TullOma,'
| but the mighty Leviathans marshaled
their invincible legions; the Pitts, the
| Burks, the Chathams, the Websters and
| Clays of the infallible organ that knows
no variableness or shadow of turning
| from the landmarks of reform and JEFF
| fersonian democracy, lifted up their
mighty voices against me, and the "ad-
| jectiVe singer" was encased in the SOM
| Der garb of mourning; and when the
fearful trumpet blasts Of the destroy
| ing angels of fair Henry's elysian and
| scholastic fields was heard, the light of
| the Literary clodhOpper" was eXtin-
| guished, his aspirations forever curbed,
| frantic desperation utterly Frustrated
/ his once vigorous frame, and his visits
/ to the deifc household were infrequent
| as angels and finally ceased; and Shu-
! lamite of the serene and placid bosom
] of the devils den went down to the
/ dark wales Of Obscurity. forgetfulness
and death. "TUSCUMBIA.'