Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-04-23
JUST FOR FUN.

You were always a faultfinder,g rowl-
ed the wife. Yes, dear, responded the
husband, meekly, [ found you.
He-Didn't you see me on the street
to day? [ saw you twice. She-I new
er notice people in that condition.
Perdita-Why do you sigh? Penelo-
pei can't see the back of my dress.
They say it fits beautifully.
Mrs. Hashley-Have you tried the
coffee this morning, Mr.. Crossgrain?
Mr.. Crossgrain- ma'am; and it
has proved an alibi.
Boston waiter (to outside barbarian,
who tucks his napkin in his neck)-
Pardon me, sir, but there is no sham
poo goes with this dinner.
I catch cold every time spend a
night in one Of these infernel sleep
ing cars, said Smith. A Pulmonary
trouble, observed Brown.
60 mamma, to- morrow we're going
to study dismal fractions!" exclaim-
ed a small boy, to whom decimal
fractions were unknown.
Actor-He can play drunken parts
nicer than any one in the profession.
Manager-Yes, but the trouble is he
is too fond Of rehearsing.
Oh, mum, there was picture there
called 1.-TWO Dogs" after Landseer,
but looked at it for nearly an hour,
and couldn't see no Landseer.
Now I know who stole my rubber
overshoes! said the excited man at
Southern hotel table, after which he
vainly tried to eat piece of fried
liver.
'sIt's wonderful" remarked the ed
itor, chow proud man acts when he
is going to have his picture publish
ed, and how humble he is after it has
happened"
Whatever made you give Brakins
present of a pocket comb? He's as
bald as billiard ball. That's just it;
I want to make him think never no
ticed it.
But, surely, urged Barlow, seeing is
believing. Not necessarily, respond
ed Dobson. For instance, l see you
every day; but as to believing you
He never finished that sentence.
Landlady - This is very bright,
pleasant room, and = Mr.. Henpeck.
Well, I'll have to see my wife first, for
she may want a room where she can
have the morning sun in the after
noon.
Your husband, said the caller, was
man of many excellent qualities.
Yes, sighed the widow, he was a good
man. Everybody says SO. [ wasn't
much acquainted with him myself.
He belonged to six lodges.
Customer What did you think of
the bishops sermon on Sunday, Mr..
Wigsby? Hair dresser Well, really,
sir, there was gent a-settin' in front
of me as lad his air parted that crook
ed that couldn't 'ear word"
The new pastor of country church
said to one of his deacons: 81 find
Brother Linkum has very liberal re-
ligious views.' eyes," replied the
deacon, s.brother Linkum is more lib
eral in his views than in his contribu-
tions.'
Sammy came home from an after
noon at the Natural History Museum.
"Where have you been?" said his
grandpa, who saw that he was in I'M
commonly good spirits. ooh, we've
had splendid time. We've been to
dead circus.o
"Our mothers-the only faithful
tenders who never misplaced
SWITCH" is the latest production Of
the railroad men at a recent banquet.
Fortunately for them the mothers
were on another train and unable to
interview the boys.
Mr.. Snaggle (snappishly) : Don't
you be correcting that boy always,
Sarah. Let nature take it's course,
won't you? Mrs. Snaggie Qaying
aside the shingle) = I'll do nothing of
the sort, Mr.. Snaggle. I don't intend
that any woman shall have such
husband as I've got if l can prevent
it.