Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1894-05-03
AT WAR WITH HERSELF.
The Story Of a WOman's AtOnement,
by Charlotte N. Braeme.
CHAPTER xxxvIII.

IelRn, NGnI lOllb luuu DullhuN lhol
ing after her conversation with the
country minister, changed being
The sunlight lay brI ad on the hills,
the birds seemed TO understand that 1t
was the one day of rest, and to sing
their sweetest songs in its honor. She
felt utterly reckless, utterly careless.
81 will enjoy my life while | can, "
she said TO herself; ut seems that there
ia no heaven for me.
mo heaven"-with the golden sun
shine lying around her. and the fra
GRANGE tle warmth OF the summer
Sabbath making earth all beautiful.
She lepeated the words to herself-"no
heaven and they fell like funeral
knell on her heart. mo heaven
what did 1t mean? Was tho far-oif
land, the heaven of her childish
dreams, to be closed forever? There
was to be no such heaven for her, be-
cause she unjustly took pos' e5sion OF
her neighbours Inheritance - because
she had been guilty OF crime, OF which
she would not repent,
She groaned aloud as she camo in sight
of the pretty villa where the Duchess
held high court.
as il such u bad exchanged" she
asked herself. 81 have given my peace
of mind, my quietness of conscience,
my lightness Of heart, my true, deep
love, and heaven, for q title and
wealth-to be called Lady Charnleigh,
aud to live at Crown Leighton My
life will be short and brilliant. People
will talk If me after am dead-they
will say at least that | held my own
with grace and dignity. Where shall
| be when they are talking so? Shall
be paying the price of my SIM"
Nobler thoughts struggled for SUI
premacy, but she would not hear them.
"A short life and a merry one" she
said to herself; II will enjoy life while
can.
People thought her changed before,
but she was doubly changed now; what
had been brilliancy became reckless
ness. She was never for one moment
without excitement of some kind or
other; as for leisure, tranquility, quiet,
they were pursuits she detested.
Are you ever at rest, Lady Charm
leigh?" asked Captain Armitage one
day 81 thought ] turned every mo-
ment OF my life to some pleasant profit,
but you far exceed me-"
"No," she answered. II like to live
my life all at once, as it were. / like
to crowd as much pleasure as possible
into every moment" and then in an
undertone she added: Il am at war
with myself"
She was indeed at var with her
brightest best, and noblest self. She
was by nature good and true-gener-
GUS even to a fault Love of riches,
ambition, and vanity had crept in, and
had brought with them deadly sin.
On the day she was leaving the villa
the duchess said to her-"I had hoped,
Lady Charnleigh, that you would have
little rest here. | am sorry to say
that you look worse than you did when
you came. do not think you have
had one hours quiet,
She raised her lovely face to the
kindly one bent over her.
IF ] were to be quiet, should soon
die. Excitement is to me more than
the air l breathe or the food | eat-it
keeps me alive"
DO you know that is the saddest
confession | ever heard from girls
lips? Your case should be different
Lady Charnleigh. | can understand
people almost without soul-people
weighed down by demonstrating
such life; but girl so young as you
pardon me, my dear-ought not to
require excitement to make life endur-
able; it ought to be pleasant enough
without it,"
"But do not find it So, returned
Leonie.
II should like to ask you one ques-
ton: if you require this perpetual,
never-ending whirl of gayety now,
what shall you do when you are old?"
IL shall never live to be old" she an
swered, carelessly. II am living all
my life at once. l have no wish to be
old"
And, not caring to hear any more,
she went away with smile on her
face that hid surely the heaviest heart
that ever beat.
The Duchess looked after her.
"There is something wrong about
that girl she said. What can it be?
Is she disappointed in anything?
Have her love affairs all gone wrong,
l wonder? What can it be? l must find
out"
This spirit of unrest had taken full
possession of Lady Charnleigh. In
vain the duchess tried to talk to her
to find two minutes for sensible con-
versation-Leonie was more like but
terhy on the wing than anything else.
She never seemed to be in the same
mood or the same place for ten minutes
at time. She lett the villa, and the
friend who had been kind to her felt
anxious about her.
Once again in town, Leonie uhng her.
self heart and soul into the gayeties of
the season; she went almost every
where she refused no invitations; and,
if by chance day came when she was
free from engagements, she filled her
own house with visitors. Lady Fan
shave began to feel alarmed-she gave
her young relative lectures about the
folly of dissipation. Leonie laughed.
How little they knew, those who
preached to her, that this was the
price of her sin that to enjoy these
things she had forfeited her own soul
and had lost heavenl Enjoy them?
Most certainly she would. Had ever
woman paid a higher price for title
and wealth? She had given up her
lover for both-she had periled her
soul-surely she might enjoy what she
had purchased.
Did she enjoy it? There were times
when she asked herself that question,
and an aching heart answered. 'NO-
a Thousand fines No" There were