Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1894-07-18
JUDGE BROWNS FLOPPERS.

JUDGE BROWNS FLOPPERS.
When Judge Brown Topped over
from the Democracy to the Republican
party in 70, SO great was the distance
of the flop that he seriously injured his
tloppers. AS soon as he landed, he an
nounced his candidacy for Circuit
Judge. The rivalry then between Pet
tibone and Taylor was at white heat,
and as his fOppers had not recovered
their power and feathers he Topped SO
long and so often from one to the other
that he actually wore his floppers out
up to. the stump. He was defeated for
Judge and he looked like picked
willopus wallopus from Timbuctoo or
something that we imagine to be of
that order and kind. In the eight
years out of office he nursed and nur-
tured and doctored the diminutive
stumps without perceptible sign of
growth. Eight years ago as he could
not flop back to the Democratic party
with the then present dimensions and
enervation of his tloppers, he made up
his mind to again enter the race for
the judgeship, and this time to his
own surprise and to the amazement
and detriment of the country, he sue
ceeded. No sooner had Judge Brown
drawn the spotless ermine around his
Miles Darden form, notified the rich
man that he had no more rights at the
bar which he was running than any
other man. and began to curtail court
expenses than he discovered that ju-
dicial honors were making him poor
and the poorer he got the stronger and
bigger grew the Hopping appendages
that had done him such valiant serv ice.
Like three fingered Hoover he "sed
nothin to his buzum trends, KEEP up a
powerful thinkinn and assiduously n
cultivatin his hoppers thinkin' as how
he might have use for them when the
next term came round And sure
enough he did, and his hoppers had
magnitied and increased to such a size
as to fill condor rover of the clouds
with spite and en.vi, When the
cyclone from Hancock struck Jones'
boro, Judge Brown spread his hoppers
amid the falling debris and for awhile
sailed majestically above the wreck
strewn field. All at once there was a
disturbance of the equipoise, lively
contest between the eXtremities as to
which was the heaviest, first head up
and feet down, then feet up and head
down like unto seesaw, then an ex-
tended bifurcation with each limb
capped with n quarter section of tan
yard and a head wedged IN at the
point of conveyance presenting the
appearance of man trying to shoulder
his own legs, then vertical gyrations
the same us prairie wind mill wheel
spinning in Rocky Mountain zephyr.
All at once four counter currents from
opposite directions struck the aerial
performer: amidships, keel and hurri-
cans deck restoring the equilibrium,
when on the azure
He Law ike warrior taking his restn
With his floppers spread about him.
When the Judge espied the painted and
bedizzened angel of Democracy with
uplifted arms beckoning him to her
embrace, he flopped down upon her
wien neck and exclaimed, II am
getting old and am very poor but you
may bet your stockings that have
come back home todlop.. no more. u
| And the prodigal wept. And the angel
danced and played ..sppon a harp of a
4 thousand strings, spirits of Just men
made perfect" And. the fatted Dur
ham was killed. And the bull ring
WIS placed upon the fore finger of the
right hand of the right person. And
the angel .dehopped the topper of his
tloppers so that he. couldn't flop any
more. And the angel wrote her name
onlhis forehead, as q sign of the new
covenant that he would flop no more.
And the angel said she didn't think
she would be ablsto get him the Judge.
ship and the prodfgal- turned away
souowfpl, for.hs was very poor. And
the angel said if the judgeship fails us
Iwillcsend you as minister to Hayti,
and the pfodigar turned back -and
smiled, and all was joy.
Fk IVA H. Nelson, who is in the drug
ebOsiness at,kingviIle, Mo. has somuct
confdtnce in, Chamberlain 8. Collie
Chdera. and >Diarrhoes Remedy tha
he warrants every bottle and offers t.
refund the money to any customer who
is not satisfied after using it. Mr.. Mel
son takes no risk in doing this becaus,
the remedy is certain cure Cor the dis
eases for which it is intended and h,
knows it, 1t is for sale by +. f. Brit
] N.,,, 10