The Washington times., 1894-05-27
The PARSONS LAGER BEER
A Clergyman Finds Himself in an En-
barrassing Position.
PECULIAR MlsHAr IN TEXAS
An Advocate Of Temperance Who Would Not
Refuse to Take Glass or Two When He
Thought 1t safe-How He Got Rid Of .
Large-Sized Schooner.

Parscn Downycouch is stout, middle-sged
clergyman residing in Austin, Tex, who has
got himself into peck of trouble by simply
refreshing himself with some beer on a warm
day. 1t all came about in the following man
ner, says Alex Sweet In the Cleveland Plain
| dealer:
The weather In Austin Is very warm, and IL
has been the custom of some Of the citizens to
stop their vehicles, while out riding, in front
Of beer gardens in the suburbs and have the
waiter bring them ice cold beer.
Parson Downycouch, having found out that
some members OF his own congregation were
indulging in the sinful habit, denounced the
custom from the pulpit. The parson himself
always kept bottled beer in his refrigerator at
home, and found it very useful in aleviating
his thirst, but he was unsparing in his denun-
citation of those who did the same thing pub
licly.
One day Parson Downycouch had occasion
to visit professionally wealthy parishioner
several miles west OF Austin. The parson
went on horseback, because the doctor had
recommended horseback exercise as an anti
dote for his increasing corpulency, caused by
his overfeeding, and because his buggy was
at the repair shopto have new spring put
! on it,
Parson Downycouch reached the residence
OF the rural parishioner in safety, and was
| easily persuaded to stop for dinner. After he
had done justice to a very good dinner. and
/ was about TO take a midday siesta. it sud-
| denly occurred TO him that he had an i'm
| portant engagement that afternoon and that
he had to hurry home.
aav-r - 81
| son. The heat was terrible. and the limestone
| dust, for which Austin is famous, made him
| thirsty. His throat and mouth were parched
with thirst. and somehow or other, it seemed
| to him; that the nearer he got TO Presslers
\ beer garden in the western suburbs OF Austin
| the greater were his sufferings. He removed
his coat and tied it behind his saddle, but
| that did not relieve his thirst. How he wished
| he was at home. where he conld get to the re-
frigerator and an ice-cold bottle of beer.
At last he was at Pressler's garden. There
were no vehicles in front OF the place and no
| guests in the garden, as it was rather early
in the afternoon. Parson Downycouch looked
| all around. There was nobody in sight
| the dusty road. The barkeeper who brought
out beer to the sinful people in carriages had
never seen him before. Would it be wrong
for him to slake his thirst with couple OF
| glasses of beer? One glass would hardly lay
| the dust half way down his throat. The sec
ond one would reach its destination and re-
| lieye his suferings. Once more Parson Dow
| nycouch glanced around. The coast was
clear. He rode boldly up to the door and to
the blonde German who appeared he said:
Two schooners of beer. quick"
| minute later the parson, still sitting on
his horse. had q schooner in each fist He
was Just about to raise the right-hand schooner
to his lips. He glanced around and, horrors
OF horrors, coming down the road, not fifty
yards distant. a horse and buggy and in the
I ill 81 De-.
Peterby. both ladies being members OF his
own church.
Fortunately he saw them before they saw
him. The parson turned as white as the foam
of the beer. He was so impolite as to keep
his back turned to the ladies, but under the
circumstances he was justified. He rever-
entially held the two schooners in front of
himself. He thought that horse and buggy
would never go past.
Neither of the ladies suspected for mo-
ment that the broad back and vest of the
| rider belonged to their pastor and all would
have ended well had it not been for the par
sons horse looking after the receding buggy,
and recognizing, perhaps, an old acquaint-
ance in the animal that propelled it, he de-
| liberately turned and began TO walk rapidly
after the aforesaid receding vehicle. The
parson could not reach for the reins to check
up the animal as he had a schooner of beer
in each hand. In gentle voice. so as not to
be heard by those in the buggy. he requested
the horse to ''whoai' instead of which the
animal. finding himself still unrestrained by
the reins. trotted briskly after the buggy and
before the parson could collect his thoughts
and get nd OF the evidence of his guilt he
was within ten feet of the vehicle, being
jolted up and down. holding out a schooner
of beer at arms length as if ne was inviting
both Mrs. lerger and Mrs. Peterby to stop
and try some themselves.
Mrs. Yerger looked back and when she saw
her own beer denouncing pastor with a pain
ful expression, bobbing up and down. hold
ing out two glasses of beer. she uttered
feminine cry of dismay and laid the whip on
her horse
"Oh. it's not possibler' exclaimed Mrs. Pc
terby. "Parson Downycouch drunki'
Yes. it is possible" (whack, whack), said
Mrs. Yerger; land he is full of beer; you can
hear the beer swash about inside of him.
And what will people say about US if they
see him chasing us in this way?" and the
horse was warmed up some more with the
whip.
'.Bolicel bolicel shtop dot scoundrel right
away already" said loud voice in broken
English. that proceeded from moving cloud
OF dust behind the parson- 1t was the Ger
man barkeeper, who desired to collect the two
schoOners and the money for the beer. with
which Parson Downycouch was baptizing
himself. his horse, and the dusty road with
profuse liberality and language to match.
On hearing the voice of the German bar
keeper, who was trying to overtake him with
hostile intent, Parson Downyconch made no
further effort to keep back his steed from
overtaking the buggy. The noble animal
overlook the buggy and passed it in a jiffy.
Mrs. Yerger and Mrs. Peterby caught a
glimpse of bareheaded horseman in a rain
bow of beer. They heard some frigLtful
oaths, and then they had a rear view of their
pastor as he disappeared down the dusty
road. still clinging to those two schooners of
beer and pounding his saddle with fearful
violence. They were glad he kept right ON.
They were afraid he was going to insist on
them joining him in his bacchanalian revel-
ries.
Quite a number of the first families of
Austin were driving out that way. and they
all recognized the rider, whom at first they
supposed to be a cowboy on a tear.
Parson Downycoueh's explanations were
not satisfactory to his friends nor to his wife,
but his frightful example has had a beneficial
effect on the people who have been stopping
their carriages in front of suburban beer gar
dens to get cooling glass of lager They
say. "If a regularly ordained minister OF the
gospel can't take glass of beer without be-
ing transformed into iieentious rufiian. who
of us is safe? We had better give it up alto
gether.''
Some of them even congratulated him upon
his success in breaking up custom against
which he mad so often preached unsuccess-
fully, but at the same time they conceded that
the sooner he sought q new Held OF labor the
better All his explanations were received
with incredulous shrugs. and finally he came
to the conclusion to seek fresh fields and
pastures new" which. taking it all in all, he
is paving pretty dead, not precisely for the
whistle, but for the mere attempt to wet his
whistle for he did not even get a chance to
moisten his epiglottis with single drop Of
the refreshing beverage.