The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1894-08-10
BORROWED MIaTH.

"Half the WOrlu OOeSnN Know now
the other half lives" Neither does the
other half.-Life.
"Do you like ksslngw he asked.
"All surprises are pleasant" she re-
piled demurely. .-.Harper's Bazar.
Oddly enough the hOmelicst of old
maids are generally girls who were
matchless in their youth.-Buffalo
Courier.
This is the season of the year when
the awning maker begins to put the
remainder OF mankind in the shade
Buffalo Courier.
Volkes-"Nonsense see Wetherell
every day and l wouldn't believe him
on his oath."-New York Herald.
Tred-"Cheer up! You may win her
yet" Arthur-"No; there's no chance
for me. Why, she even refuses to go
to the theatre with me."-1Tuth
''Is Smarter just right in saying
that he speaks French without any
noticeable acccntY' Yes, indeed.
without even French accent
Chicago Record.
Dibbs- -"Swclton says he isn't afraid
OF work" Sarcas-"Why should he
beP He never eot near enough to
any to find out how he'd feel"-Chi-
cago Record.
INSTRUMENTATION is your daugh-
ter's French tutor getting on with
herT Bllter-"Very nicely. He has
got SO he can speak English first
rate."-Brooklyn Life
New girl-"Do yez burn the sweep
ings, mcm!" Mistrcs-"You may
sweep the dirt into the hot air regis
ters, Norah. We move the first of
May."-Chicago Tribune
The Specialized Girl-"IIavc you
read Ships That Pass in the NightT
The Authenticated Girl-"No. What
kind are they-courtshipsT T"-Indian-
apolis Journal.
"Where is the bearded ladyY' asked
the manager. at is time for the show
to begin" HE went out to vote" ex-
plained the ossihed dman.--Indianapolis
Journal.
Trecard-"Didn't your wife storm.
when you got homer Twospcc-
Fright away; and the cloud was
larger than any mans head In the
party."-Kate Fields Washington.
She (curiously)-"'What do you sup
pose ever gave rise to the expression
Hight of follyY" He promptly
"The modern theatre hat, OF course"
Buffalo Courier.
Jack Frontrow-"Thats n good old.
fashioned play. The villain is caught
in the act" Billy Footlights-"What
act?" Jack Frontrow-"ln the last
act."-Brooklyn Life
Creditor TO cditor,-"How's collcc-
tions these days" Edit0r-"Slow,
sir. slow! I've got a good shot gun,
but can't get anybody to credit me
for shot"-Atlanta Constitution.
Patient-"I am troubled with insom.
MIA. What would you recommends"
Doctor-"A good, refreshing sleep
seven nights in the week. Five dol
lars, please. boston Transcript
Office boy--"Here's a note from
purity young lady" Editor absent
mindedly)-"Can't help It! Three in
the bank now, and not a darned cent
to meet 'em!"-Atlanta Constitution.
'Been vaccinated yet?' NO" said
the athletic girl 1--WE not l can't
quite make up my mind whether TO
give up my Indian clubs or my bicycle
for while."-lndianapOlis Journal.
Dibbs--"If Mrs Lease We're as smart
as some people think she is, she would
make Il fortune in a year."-Bibbs-
'HowT Dibbs-"By exhibiting Mr..
Lease through the country."--Puck.
"You beat u.s." said the defeated
yachtsman, because you caught the
breeze before we did" That's be-
cause we watched for it with bated
breath" replied the victor.-Chicago
Tribune.
Muggins-"Du you believe ii is I'M
lucky to have thirteen at table?" Bug
gins who has had callers at dinner
time)-"Yes! If you've only made
prepara tons for wo"-Philadelphia
Record
Mrs. Slowstarve-"How do you find
your steak this morning, Mr. Slim
mer?" Mr.. Simmer have con
cuded that probably a microscope
would be the best way."-Chicago
Inter-Ocean.
Husband-"I am just In the mood
for reading something sensational and
startling-something that will make
my hair stand on end" Wife-"Here
is my milliner's bill."-Fliegende
Blaettei.
"Never saw such a woman's cham
pion as Wibbles Is. Misses no oppor-
tunity of standing up for the fair sex"
''Humph! Guess yOu never met him
in a crowded street car"-Buffalo
Courier
Young Fogy-"Dad, let's go into the
other room and see the photograph
1t repeats every word you say Old
Fogy-"Just as though hadn't
friends enough that do that right
along."-Boston Transcript.
Binaway-"So Nellie Hanson mar
ried old Gotrox eh? Does she act as
If her matrimonial bonds were irk-
some?" Stadehome-"No; why should
she? They're all government 4 per
cents Buffalo Courier.