The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1894-07-22
10 Mnny Colonels In 800.

Colonies are getting 10 be nearly rs
! great nuisance as the Russian cactus.
! says the Fargo Argus They are multi
! plying and increasing with dangerous ra-
| pldlty You can scarcely throw q stone Ut
! a dog without running the risk OF accl-
/ IDENTIFY hitting colonel. Colonies in
/ mutt, which may Doe hrOaGel0t or corr
| durOE, i'm stable frOcks or Ilrkl-rere'
aprons. taking orders for books or rubber
Stamps or selling patent medicines or
pidsters, are as common as straight Whis-
ny IN kentucky or as new theories OF
government lu % populi~t mass. urrtlu..
composed entirely of coioncls The tr0u-
bic nowadays would not Boz get the regi-
ment but to select from enough appli-
cants Tor any army corps. Fargo alone
could probably furnish more coloneIa
than are in the active list
Of the army-and some OF
Fargo's colonies ar" men who
really have served I'm the army. which
distinguishes them from the colOnels of
most communities. The captain" the
"jcdse' and the "majah" are not 10 bee
me Toned ,, IN the same day with the
colonies. These old relics of southern bar
rooms are vastly in the minority, and the
day Of The colonies is at hand.
Like the flies of Egypt. they throns:
like the grasshoppers Of Missouri. they
cOngregate. From every station i'm life.
from every profession. of every age and
condition. there are colonies 10 the right
and left colonies al libitum and al nau-
ton Of cOlOnelistic talent? Where have
been bred the eagles that have sWOoped
down and roasted upon an these should
ers? Some Of them were infants in arms
when the late war closed, some Of them
We're manipulat0rs Of hotel registers and
cOncOcters of the Initiating cocktail while
the war ragged and some have been tend
ers of equestrian steeds since they have
been high enough 10 reach stirrup How
come these 10 be dubbed "cOlonelsy'
Faithful and persistent inquiry among
the colonies themselves throws little
light upon the subject Some cannot
claim anything better than that their
wives people kept hotel where the sol
diers boarded. They do not claim even
that they themselves kept the hotels
There would seem to be shadow of
reason why the majestic creature, i'm
clean starched shirt and Alaskan dia-
mOnd pin, looking cOmplacently 10 heaven
as he balances toothpick with his lips
and thrusts a penholder at a guest. should
be called by a high sounding military
title: but TO dub a man colonel only be
cause his father-in-law's brother kept a
boarding house seems 10 be straining q
point. Another colonel when asked as TO
frown supposed 10 be fierce, pulled his
shirt collar "A little higher and REPLIED
that he had forgotten the number of his
regiment. 1T was so long ago you
know. and have always had q bad head
for figures Another explained that hav-
ing formed a partnership with a major.
who was Junior in a concern. ii became
necessary as a matter of discipline 10 the
help that she should rank his partner.
The fact remains. however. that the col
onels are oVerrunning the earth and con-
suming the substance thereof Privates
are as scarce as the teeth Of hens. Most
unmlitary people think that corporal Is
the higher officer, and who ever hears or
n sergeant? There Is a general impression
abroad that a colonel has something 10 do
with horses-something between far-
rier and veterinary surgeon; and the
real colonies. the few who really bore
Uncle Sans commission as such, are
coIonels conetitmto ,,,oinritv Of the male
population over the age Of twenty.