Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-03-28

anything else to do, but 1t was long
time before l found out why they are
continually falling in love. 1t is be-
cause they don't get any exercise, except
now and then drive in Il closed car
riage.
You never heard of trapeze per-
former or strong man falling IN love.
That because they work off their atfec-
tions on their muscles. On the other
hand, a fat woman who never gets any
exercise at all is always in love, and
generally two or three deep. Naturally
| the more freaks fall in love the more
they quarrel. and there is hardly day
| l don't have to smooth two or three of
them down or threaten to lock them up
| till they quit heavlng candlesticks and
| language at one another.
well, l advertised my two headed
girl the next day, and when night came
the house was packed. Ralph Waldo
! Emerson himself couldn t have drawn
better. The very best classes Of Boston
society came to see the two headed girl,
| and more women with more spectacles
| and more false teeth came into the show
than | had ever seen before in my whole
| professional experience.
There wasn't the least doubt about
the success of the two headed girl. In
the very first week took in $3.50 more
| than | had ever taken in in one week in
my life before. The museum was crowd
! ed day and night. and every mother in
Boston brought her children and told
them that the two headed girl taught
some great moral lesson. and that they
! ought to initiate her, or avoid initiating
her. or some other rubbish of that gen
! eral kind. [ never pretend to under
stand such things myself. l don't asso-
ciate with freaks to learn moral lessons
from them. When l want moral lessons,
I'll go to Sunday school and get EN-,
instead of lowering myself to ask freaks
to give me lessons.
The two headed girl, as l have said
in the beginning, was Laplander and
couldn't speak anything but Lapland-
ish. She had been with me about a
month when l was astonished one night
after the exhibition had closed and the
freaks had sat down to their usual ban
quet of pickles and cider to hear one of
her heads say to the other:
You say that again. miss, and I'll
tear your eyes out.
of you could speak any English.
The girl blushed a double blush on
all four cheeks and said: We've learned
considerable since we came to America,
but we never try to speak English be-
cause it amt professionalism i'll our
case. at any rate.
That's all right, said l. Speak
what you like, only remember that l
don't allow no quarreling among my
people.
The next day made inquiries about
the two headed girl and found that both
of her We're in love with the same young
man. He came to the show every day
and always brought both of her flowers
l found out afterward that he was a
philosopher and was studying what he
called The Psychological Character of
Female Dual Consciousness as Exempli-
fed In the Two Headed Girl of Lapland.
l remember this because he wrote an
article in The Atlantic Monthly with
that title. which would have been first
class advertisement Of the girl if she
hadn't happened to have retired to pri-
vate life when the article was published.
He was a rather good looking young
considered that he was in love with
them. Mary, which is what we used to
call the right hand head, was sure that
the young man was after her, and only
gave flowers to Jane, who was the left
hand head, in order not to give away
the real state of his affections to the
general public, while Jane was equally
certain that it was she the young man
was in love with. and that he considered
the other head to be very much in the
way.
The fat woman, who sat close to the
two headed giII on the stage, was really
frightened at the way the two heads
used to go on. She could hear them
whispering to each other when the au-
dience couldn't hear anything said.
Mary would put her cheek up against
James and smile so sweetly that the au-
dience would say, How perfectly love-
ly!' hut all the time she would be say
ing. I'd like to bite your ugly ear off,
miss ana then presently Jane would
put he1 arm mound Mary's neck. and
whisper: 'Eou mean, deceitful thing!
Wait till w" get to your room, and I'll
let you know The fat woman, who
said she was afraid some awful tragedy
was preparing, and that presently the
place would be drowned in blood. She
wasn't altogether wrong, as you'll see
presently.
"One night, just after the banquet
was over and the freaks had mostly |
gone to their rooms, we heard such
dismal shrieking from the two headed |
girl S room that we all rushed TO the |
dOOr-that is, when l say all, l mean
the giant and the living skeleton, who
had been sitting up with me a little lat
er than usual. l never allow anything
improper on the part of nobody in my |
show. and l set the example in such |
matters myself. So told the giant and |
the skeleton that we would withdraw,
while the strong woman would burst the |
door open and see what was the matter
Accordingly we did SO, and the
strong woman set her shoulder against |
the door, and it just sort of melted
away, as You might say. She told me |
that she found the two headed girl hav
ing the liveliest kind of fight with her
self. She was lying ON the floor, and the |
half of her which was uppermOst and |
happened to be Mary was laying into
the other half and hauling out tho hair
and the hairpins by handfuls. The |
strong woman. wanting to check the eff
fusion of hair, went to work to separate |
them and succeeded altogether too well. |
In fact. whom she got hold of Mary and |
tried to pull her clear of James hair the |
two girls came apart altogether. The |
strong woman, who, like the rest of us.
had believed in the two headed girl, |
was that frightened when she saw that |
she had pulled her clean apart that she, |
in turn, yelled for help.
This time l had to lay aside my |
scruples and see for myself what was
the matter. There sat the strong woman |