The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-03-03
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and L~aughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
of Spice.

To GET out OF the world for the
sake Of getting out of debt is suicidal.
-Picayune.
In the free soup the onion owe
a multitude OF sins OF omission. -
Plain Dealer.
IL DON'T claim" said st. Gaudens,
shat my model looks we'll at first
blush. Plain Dealer.
If the immortals grew old, what an
ancient specimen Cupid would be-
Martha's Vineyard Herald.
THE grip microbe is supposed to
have started on its mission in the
lodge-room. Lowell Courier.
SHE-"What a strong face that
man has," He-"Yes; IL carries him
everywhere. Detroit Free Press.
WHEN a good idea strikes a must
elan IL is only proper that he should
make a note OF it.-Buffalo Courier.
THE widower about to remarry is
the most unseltish OF mortals. He
seldom thinks OF number one. Life.
A MAN never appreciates what a
good servant his memory has been
until he forgets something. -Milwau-
kee Journal.
FRED-"Is there any chance for mt
20 win her?" Arthur-"Oh, yes; she's
engaged TO eight Or nine young fell
lows."-Truth.
FROM the way some men offer
prayers IL is difficult TO tell whether
fhAt a. natntlfnrA nF nnRflnnnArQ -
Elmira Gazette.
OLD lady from the country (at the
lace exhibit)-"Five dollars a yard,
ehg That must be all wool, amt it9"
philadelphia Record.
THERE is some meat in this poem"
said the pset, as he handed IL To the
editor. I'VE amt had a pound In a
week."-Alton Democrat.
WHY Is a policeman called a "copper"
Can IL be because IL plays an impor-
tant part when a collection Ia taken
up?-Philadelphia Times.
MANAGER-"Ah, madam! you sing
from your heart" Prima Donna
"Yes; I've always been complimented
on my chest tones. Puck.
JACK-"What did that horse cost
you?" Tom-"It cost me all the re
spect ! ever entertained for the man
! bought IL from."-Tid-B Bits
"WHAT'D that furniture-dealer say
when you told him that mirror he
sent up was ~crackedp" "Said he'd
look into IL. Buffalo Courier.
A MAN may devote all his time TO
hunting and succeed, hut TO amount
TO anything as n fisherman he must
know where TO draw the line. Buff
falo Courier.
PAT-Phat be that yez are drink
In wild yer whisky" Mike-"Apolli-
naris, Pat" Pat-"How duz IL taste?"
Mike-"As II me fut war aslape!"-
Harper's Bazaar.
A K~ENsINoToN girl who Is engaged
in a law Office told a youth whose
hand she rejected that she would al
ways be a sister-in-law 10 him
Philadelphia Record.
SHE'S IL true that a lover never
eats aDything?" He-"Not after he
becomes engaged" She-"Why not?"
He-"He never has any money TO
spare. Brooklyn Life.
HICKs-"What a curious acting
chap Alternate is! Sometimes / think
his mind cannot be right" Wicks-
"Don't you think IL too bad 10 blame
IL on his mind?"-Boston Transcript.
"WHY do you sign your name J.
John r Il. II. Bronson?" asked Haw-
kins. Because IL Is my name" said
Bronson. Il was christencd by a
minister who suffered. "-Life's Cal
eDdar.
AT THE SALON you tell me
what that picture representa-" THAT
is Queen Cleopatra. Have you never
heard OF herr" "Never In my life. !
seldom read the papers. "-L'Intrans-
igeant.
FRIEND OF the family - Why did
you promise your daughters hand TO
that idiot Softleigh, and then refuse
TO let him marry her? Stern parent
i wanted something 10 boot
Philadelphia Record.
DOES literature pay" asked the
idler. 81 should say So" replied the
country editor. Every time we print
"A poem the author comes In and buys
at least twenty copies OF the paper TO
send away. - Washington star.
PAT has offered his school-fellow a
bite from his apple, and is astonished
at the large portion measured off by
Mixes teeth. "Here, ] say: hold on
there, hold on" CThcn correcting
HIMSELF when i say hold on
mean let go. boston Transcript.
HAD BEEN TO CHrCAGo.-Teacher
Din a physiology lesson)-"The next
process in digestion is called chymih-
cation. During this the food is
turned around and around In the
stomach. Tommy raddles-"Please,
sir. Is that what they call the danse
du veDtre?"-Life.
MUGGINs-"See that poor devil In
the rain without any umbrella?
Every rainy day / see him in the
same %predicament, and on clear days