The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1894-03-10
JUST IN TIME.
If it Hadn't Been For the Doctors,
He Would Have Been No More

He Would Have Been No More
Johnny. is there a Grape on the
door,"
mo, pa"
mo hearse waiting at the eorner?"
why. no. indeed"
mo floral offeringS-gates ajar or
broken columns-down stairs?''
"Of course not, pa"
mo undertaken sitting out on the
front steps with a quart jug Of en-
balming fluid under his arm?"
''Why, certainly not, pa"
''See if there amt a couple Of tomb
stone dealers standing on the other
side of the street gazing upward at
the window
mot one, pa
Then I must still be in the land OF
the living, and I ought to be thank
full, but it's been a tough pull
you've had it pretty tough, pa
Had what?"
''The grip"
Grip. nothing. I haven't had the
grip. These last four weeks I have
spent in bed have not been due to
grip. It was misplaced confidence. my
son, and this is how it all happened:
You probably remember I had a cold
about month ago, don't you?'
"Weil, the fends incarnate who
claim to be my friends did the rest.
First, I met Smith. Hello says he,
you've got it
Got what?' says L
" The grip says he. and then he
gave me a prescription. 1t consisted
! of pint of black molaSses, pint Of
Irish whisky, a teaspoonful of red pep
per and a half ounce Of powdered
quinine. Take that little dose before
retiring, and you'll feel like a 2-year-
old in the morning. he said, with a
f1endish grin.
'And did you do it, pap
eyes, but that was not all. On the
next corner I met Brown.
Well, 1 see you've got the grip
he blurted out as he smiled a fright
full smile. I've got the very stuff to
knock il out in one night What you
want to do is to eat a. half pound Of
loaf sugar soaked in coal oil. wrap
yourself up in a wet sheet and go to
bed, and tomorrow you'll be as lively
as a game cock.
"And did you do it, pa?"
"Alasi 1 did
But still came another. Jones was
his name. L was almost home when I
met him.
lawfully sorry for you, old man.
/ he whined as he grasped my hand.
/ you have a bad case surely, but I
have the champion grip cure. You want
/ to put mustard plasterS under your
armpits, battle your head in salt
water. take a steam bath and four
doses of horse powders which the
label said were Good for man or
beast and he thought I might pull
through.
! Il wrote all the different remedies
down, together with those which 1 was
advised to use by Old Aunt Liza the
the neighbors. The order filed a sheet
of foolscap paper closely written and
one consignment of remedies on a
dray. The stuff kept coming all the
tevening, while 1 lay on the lounge ex-
pecting every moment to be ushered
up to the golden gate and ordered to
pick a. harp.
IL was a first prize lunatic. It took
your mother two hours to get me
ready for bed. I had dried mullen
leaves on my feet, salt pork and fam
mel on my chest, mustard plaSterS IN
der my armpits, q hot water bag on
my head q wet sheet around my chest
the inside of me-O Lord 1 shudder
at the thought-there were rum and
molasses, whisky and honey, coal oil
and sugar, quinine and hot milk, lem
on juice and asafetida, limewater and
spinach leaves, vinegar and sulphur.
Dover's powders. and I guess I'd have
swallowed blasting powder if any one
had suggested it.
But I'm alive yet. The doctors
pumped it all out of ne after two
hours hard work. They told me II
they hadn't arrived when they did 1
would have been wearing a wooden
lulster now.
you see the fearful consequences Of
misplaced confidence"
Eyes, pa" and the patient heaved
lsigh-Baltimore World