Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-04-09
JUST FOR FUN.


Saint Peter (graciously) = Make
yourself at home. New Arrival (bit-
terly)-I can't! Pm from Boston.
Johnnie-Pa, does a man have to
take an cath when he goes into Office?
! Pale takes several if he doe sn't.
It depends entirely on how much
/ she has whether or not it embarrasses
a woman to have her back hair come
/ down.
! An advertiser asks, s9Has the man
grown or the flannel shirt shrunk?''
That depends upon which of them
was washed.
Chicago has a ia k the Shipper,
who steals hair Of blonde girls only
That is to say, he ships the light fan
tastic tow.
When you have done a wrong thing
and been caught at it, it is double
dyed meanness to whine and throw
the blame on somebody else.
A young man in Carmel, Me-, took
his girl for sleighride. She fell out,
and he drove a mile before noticing
it. He must have been one armed
man.
Judas, said the black haired man,
was red headed. Yes, assented the
man with auburn hair, that's about
the only thing that can be said in his
favor.
Prison Missionary-What are you in
for, friend? Convict (bitterly) Just
for missing a train. Nonsense. No
nonsense, sir. I missed train for
Montreal.
Sympathetic Widow Have you
been fortunate in your love affairs?
Interesting Subject = Yes, very. I
never yet fell in love with a girl who
would marry me.
You seem to be frayed, observed
the fat iron. That's because l am
hard pressed, retorted the collar,
starchly. And the ironing board got
hot under the collar.
| Mrs Wickwire idea! Here is
story in the paper about woman
suing for SO, 900 for the loss Of only a
thumb. Mr. Wickwire = Perhaps it
was the thumb she kept her husband
under.
Mrs. Peachblow Why does your
husband carry such tremendous
amount of life insurance when he's in
such perfect health? Mrs. Flicker
Oh, just to tantalize me. Men are
naturally cruel.
If you refuse me, Maud Benderly,
howled the desperate young man,
shall offer myself to Mag Saraway!
Do, Mr.. MAXWELL! said the proud
maiden with fierce joy shining in her
eyes. lust hate her.
An authority on the just proportions
Of the human form says, "The ears
should be so placed as not to be high
er than the eyebrows or lower than
the tip Of the nose" People who are
dressing for party should not forget
this.
Mr.. Francis Treas, Northumberland, Penn,
thinks it a good remedy for rheumatism. He
writes: 81 have been using your liniment
called Salvation Oil for rheumatism and find
it gives me great relief. 1t is good remedy"
Teacher-Arthur, I shall be obliged
to detain you again to-day after
school is out Arthur (aged y OF
course you understand that if there is
any gossip comes of your keeping me
after school every day you are re-
sponsible for it.
A man who was married on Sunday
in Louisville, disappeared next day
and has not since been heard of. Pos
sibly he read in the reports Of the
wedding that the other fellow was the
best man, and got mad. It's q feature
that is rough on the groom.
You niggers, says Uncle Nose, dat
thinks you is gwine to git up dem gold
en- stairs without climbin', and climb
in hahd, is mighty much mistaken.
des want to tell you right now dat
de yellervator is stopped runnin' eb-
Der since de days Of ole Lijah.
A pronounced success for cure of
cold and bronchitis.-Mrs. Lizzie M. Meers'
North Evanston, Ills, writes: eve have used
DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup for every cold we
have had; we also subject to bronchitis in
very cold weather and it has been successful
! in all cases.
When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria.
| When she Child, she cried for Castoria.
When she became Miss, she chung to Castoria.
| When she had Children she gave them f,astOria