The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1894-07-13
THE RsMoRssLsss BARBER
Experience OF "a Lecturer with the Hair
Trimming Fiend.

~
Trimming Fiend.
The wild ungOvernable passion
barber has for trimming your hair!
on the 4th OF December was in Bos-
ton, thinking about a lecture | was eN-
pcctcd go deliver in the evening, and
50 badly scared that l couldn't re-
member the subject nor what 1t was
about 1 went into fremont street
Institute of Facial Manipulation and
Tonsorial Decoration" and inquired
for the professor who occupied tho
chair of Me,laeval Shaving and Nine
teenth Century Shampoo One of the
junior members of the faculty, who
was brushing an undergraduate coat
pointed me to n chair, and l climbed
in. When the performance was about
concluded. the barber said to me:
Have your hair trimmed sir?"
l believe not.
"NeedS 1t very badly, sir" he said;
''looks very ragged"
never argue with q barber. ! said:
"All right trim II little but don't
make it any shorter"
Immediately he trimmed all the curl
out of it. and my hair naturally, you
know. has a very graceful curl TO 1t.
l never discovered this myself until
Il few months ago, and then | was
very much surprised | discovered IL
by looking at my lithograph.
Well. anyhow, he trimmed it,
On the 9th of December | was at
Bath Maine. Again | was shaved,
and again the barber implored me to
let him trim my hair. When | an
~ered him that 1t had been trimmed
only two days before. he spitefully
asked where it was done. | told him,
and he gave expression to burst of
sarcastic laughter.
"Well. well. we'll" he said at last,
$50 You let them trim your hair in
Boston Wen, well. Now you look
Ike a man who has been around the
world enough 70 know better than
that"
Then he affected 70 examine lock
or two very particularly. and sighed
heavily.
Dear, dear" he said, 81 don't know
really. as could do anything with
that hair or not; It's too bad"
Well his manner frightened me, and
I told him 10 20 ahead and trim it,
but please not 10 make it any shorter.
No he said, 'oh, no, il wasn't
necessary 10 cut 1t any shorter; 1t was
really too short now, but it did need
trimming"
So he trimmed" it, and when l
faced the Rockland audience that
night I looked like a prize fighter.
In four days from that time l was
sitting in the chair of barber down
in New York State He shaved me
in grateful silence, and then thought
fully run his fingers over my lonely
lair.
Trim this hair little, sir?" he said.
''straighten it up about the edges?"
l meekly told him l had ii trimmed
twice during the preceding week, and
] was afraid 1t was getting too short
FOR winter wear
Yes" he said. "he didn't know but
what it was pretty short, but You
didn't need TO cut IL any shorter to
trim 1t. 1t was in very bad. ragged
shape at the ends"
l remained silent and obstinate, and
he asked me where I had il trimmed
last. / told him and he burst into n
shout OF laughter that made the win
dows rattle
Whats the matter JimY" inquired
On assistant partner down the room.
holding his patient in the chair by tho
nose.
Jim stified his laughter and replied:
This gentleman had his hair trim
med down in Maine"
There was Il general burst of merri-
ment all over the shop. and the ap-
prentice laid down the brush he was
washing and came over to look at the
Maine cut that he might never for
get 1t. l surrendered Trim IL a
little, then" l groaned. but, in the
name of humanity don't cut 1t any
shorter"
"No," the barber said. "he wouldn't
make II a hairs breadth shorter
When l left that shop, II IL hadn't
been for my ears, my hat would have
falfen down clear on my shoulders.
When reached the hotel, everybody
started, and a couple of men got up
and read handful on the wall. deS-
criptive of a convict who had recent
ly escaped from Sing Sing. and looked
from the bill to myself very intently.
That night several of the audience
drew revolyers as l came out on the
platform.
Then / went to Amsterdam, n. Y.
The barber of that sleepy village.
who, IN the interval of his other du-
ties acts Us mayor of the town. and
edits the local papers undertook 10
shave me with piece of hoop iron
he pulled out of his boot leg When l
resisted he went out into the kitchen
and came back with a kitchen knife
and can-opener. and Offered me my
choice. | selected the can opener, and
he began the massacre, remarking in
cidentally that he used TO keep a good
sharp spoke shave for his particular
customers, but he lost it. Then he
said my hair needed trimming. very
badly. | protested that IL was i'm
possible, il had been trimmed three
Zines within ten days. and was as
short now as business man on the
Isl of January.
'-Oh," he said. at wasn't too short.
and beside there wasn't no style about
II at all" He could give II some
shape, however, he said. without max.
ing IL any shorter.
So / surrendered and told him to
shape 1t up. And if that foredoomed.
abandoned, Amsterdam son of an
cakum picker didn't go out into the
WOodshed and come back with a rusty
old horse rasp and began to file away
what little hair | had left. He allow.
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