St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1894-02-25
profession. else where would you 20 for

~ ~
"You don't mean to tell me-" said I,
''that the supreme court will sit down
and sign an order that it knows can
never be carried out, just for the sake
of professional cOurtesy?"
why, certainly / do" said he;
where were you raised. anyway? What
do you suppose the supreme court is
for?"
l gave up guessing, and then he ex-
planned the whole thing to me. He said
that whenever a lawyer wanted to drag
something into a case that he couldn't
get in any other way. or when he
wanted to get a little more time to
finish skinning a client he went to the
supreme court and got an order to show
cause. 1t didn't matter what the al
legged cause was; the order was always
granted. He said he once got an order
to show cause why President Grant
should moi be drowned in a a frog pond.
and the judge signed 1t without looking
at 1t.
After explaining this admirable sys-
TEN to me he went up and got an order
to. show cause why the other order
should not be vacated. The other law
yer shook back, and during the next
two weeks we had seven such orders
and they had nine. l rather calculate
that by this time there wasn't IL of
the constitution left to work on,
for the lawyers got together and
agreed to stipulate. | had now lost all
save a mere casual interest in the case.
1t was no lenger a question as to what
would become of the original 500. OF
course l had ~pardonable curiosity to
know whether my lawyer, or the other
lawyer, or which one of the judges
would get it. but it never occurred
IN mo nOW tbaf I bod anu nr0p~iafar
interest in the case. At this time
Truax proposed to settle. He
said he would pay the original
500 if | would pay the costs. If he did
l would get $50 and would have to pay
out about 5000 in costs. l declined as
promptly as / would the Republican
nomination for governor of Texas. The
lawyers stipulated that the case should
go on the calendar for trial at
the next term, and l ven back
to look after the woodward. Pretty
soon the lawyer came around
and made a touch for SIG to pay for
filing a cognovit, or something. There
were no odd cents on the bill and |
promptly vetoed it. l told him that I
would not pay for any more filing. l
said l would go SO far as to buy a file il
ne wanted to do the work himself, and
whether it was the suggestion or the
joke that hurt him he dropped the case.
l got another lawyer on the contingent
plan, STIMULATING that l should not be
called upon to pay for any more filing.
However, l agreed to give him all there
was in the case. l went about my bust
ness. and when tue next calendar came
out our case was not in it. 1t
was learned that a case could
not go on the calendar by
stipulation, but must be submitted
through the regular channels. The
jellied pigs foot that answered the
court in the place OF a brain had not en-
tertained the thought that it would be
proper to make this suggestion to the
attorneys at the time the stipulation
was made. 1t was n Of the rules. aud
as the rules changed every time the
noon did the lawyers knew nothing
about it. There vas no help for
the next term. This brought US
up to 1885. n by this time we had
Truax to The tune of over s4O0. But we
finally got action OH the case. The
court heard the arguments, and only a
few mouths after wards rendered an
opinion, a syllabus and a decree. The
opinion was to the effect that
the appellant was indebted to the
respondent in the sum claimed,
the syllabus found that the
instructions of the lower court
were in proper form, and that the find
ings of the jury were justified by the
facts. The decree was that the case be
remanded back TO the lower court ON a
vital point Of law raised by counsel, to-
wit, that the clerk Of the district court
had used the wrong blan k in making
gu one Of the returns. Incidentally
tue opinion cited the fact that but
for the seven orders and the
nine counter orders issued out of this
, court no one would ever have known
the real merits of this case. l mad no
further personal interest in the case,
buG my new lawyer stuck to them like a
poor relation, N galloped up and
down the line with them until
| preme court two years later. If
you wan 10 have fun just give a lawyer
all there is in a case. pay the costs, and
watch the fur fly. In 1888 he got the
case through the supreme court again,
and secured a verdict against his man
for SIT, but by this time Truak's luck
had changed, and we had to sue
his bondsmen. / say I'VE" for the
case was still in my name.
| We got a judgment against them, but
| before we could collect it one of them
QleQ, anu we udu W QUO lu0 duuliulS-
| traitors. just about that time l learned
| that in case that suit ever reached an
| end, and in case zone of the others had
any money, they could mold me for the
| costs. IL vas pretty much all
| costs by this time, so l made a
hasty settlement of my affairs
| and emigrated to Mexico. since which
| time l have submitted the adjudication
of all my differences to the impartial
arbitrament of the dice box. The
moral of all this is that when you get
all ready to go to Law don't do
it. II you owe anything either
pay it or get your property in
your wife's name. If you haven't
a wife get one. Or get a woman and
make her our wife. Ii anybody owes
YOU and you can't collect it by moral
suasion, or q club, make out
an itemized statement and take
it to your lawyer. Have HIM call in
ten witnesses who are not lawyers, and
then receipt the bill in full, making
each of the witnesses sign it. If you
have a little time to spare after that
YOU might kill the lawyer. Use your
own discretion in that matter. Some
people have an idea that a law
suit is for the purpose of get
ting at the truth. 1t is not so. Truth
is not il 1t. Somebody said Truth
crushed to earth will rise again." and
before anybody had a chance to ask
.When?">h he answered up like the min
strel man at the other end OF n stage:
.'Thc eternal years of God are hers, $50.
of course. there was no particular hurry