Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-06-07
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MIN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
Sprinkles of Spice.

Sprinkles of Spice.
A MAN never realizes his worth UNI
til he is sued for breach of promise. -
Tid-Bits
The charity that begins at homeis
often SO discouraged that it never
gets farther. Puck.
"WHY do you call that man an IL
licit still?" Because he refuses to
testi fly. buffalo Gazette.
ALL the world may be a stage, bus
Shakespeare was wrong when he said
that all men and women were play
err s.-Philadelphia Record.
FIRST SOUTH CARoLINIAN-Ah, my
boy raid a dispensary with meg
Second South Carolinian-Thanks,
old man; don't care if / do.-Puck.
A SUBURBAN paper, reporting a
meeting of a Woman's Dress Reform
League, says: '"Thirty odd women
were present. Philadelphia Record.
Book AGENT, entering the sanctum
81 have little work here which"
excuse me-" interrupted the victim,
"but / have great deal. BOSTON
Courier. :.
JAsPAR-A great many actors are
out of work just now. Jumpuppe--
That is strange. when so many peo-
pie who are not actors are on the
| stage.-Puck.
How DID you come to send up Mr..
Whites card?" Gle bet me bottle
of wine at the club last night that if
I called on you you wouldn't be at
home. Life.
AS IT Works. -Tommy-"Uncle,
what's prohibition?" Uncle (wh0
comes from Maine)- ga law that pre-
vents men from getting good liquor,
Tommy. Puck
L1oNEL-"I say, Bulge, where do
the Skye terriers come from?" Bulge
-"Wny, from the clouds, when IT.
rains cats and dogs, you know. >
Harper's Young People.
MRS. HoUsER-"Is the oath of Office
I read so much about profane?"
Houser-" Humph! Depends a good
deal whether it is taken going in or
coming out. Buffalo Courier.
II WISH" said theater manager
disconsolately, as he hung on to the
strap. "that the standing-room only
sign got into the theater more and
into the street car less. Was hing
ton Star.
A GOOD SIGN.-Landlord of newly
opened wine tavern Ito waiter)-
"Piccolo. mind you pay special atten-
ton to that gentleman sitting yon-
der: he has such red complexion
IL Corriere.
PRESIDENT OF A BANK HAS any
thing unusual happened during my
absence?" Clerk-"No, sir, nothing
unusual has happened. The cashier
ran away last night with sG 5fAt 6 >
Texas Siftings III
MAUD BoNToN-"Did you ~kear
about Edith Riders elopin'g with
coachman? Wasn't it awful?" Miss
Goodform-"Oh, dreadful And the
worst of it was he wore whiskers. -
Brooklyn Life.
II WONDER that Mrs. ElderDody
should marry that man. He is ever
SO much younger than she That's
right. A great advantage to a wom-
an to have youth on her side. - Bos-
ton Transcript.
HousEKEFPER-"Are you sure that
this tea isn't half copperas?" Eealer
| (convincingly)- I'VE couldn t4aflord
| to sell copperas at the extremely low
price we charge for this tea ma'am.
New YORK Weekly,
| LITTLE Papa, will yea
buy me drum" Fond Father
| "Ah, but, my boy, you will disturb
me very much if / do" Charley
ooh, no, papa, won't drum except
| when you're asleep, IT dBits.
YOU'VE WIFE-What is baby try
| ing to say, dear? Husband-Give it
up. He seems to be trying to manu-
facture word about twenty syllables
long Young Wife-Isn't that love-
| lyo He'll be great scientist some
day. Tid-Bits.
FIRST YoUNGsTER-"I'ye got a
new baby brother what come from
Heaven last night" Second Young
ster-.Thats nothin'. My little
| baby brother. went to Heaven yester-
day" First ,Youngster Tefectively)
-"Pete, I bet it's the same kid. -
Life.
Mr.. DELAwANNA--I want to sell
my farm in Jersey. Real Estate
Agent-What is the price? Mr.. Del
awanna-Id like to get fifteen thou
sand. Real Estate sAgent--Th THAT'S 1
pretty high for farm. You'd better
call it a acou try seat, and ask twen-
ty.-Life.
BANKs-What did her father say
when YOU told him that you wanted
to marry his daughter? Rivers
Well. he didn't absolutely refuse, Als
he imposed very serious conditi0n
Banks-What was it,: Rivers He
Z ssxas he void Cox n q banged first