The herald., 1894-04-08

oTd IN Juo quo6uiv bTAln.
One OF the fair Circean daughters OF
Esne, those sorceresses OF the Nile. erst-
while known as Kakkabuk Dockweiler,
then called the assemblage to disorder.
and investing Sir Knight Slauson with
the mace of office, to-wit. q meat
cleaver, the new carnival council of the
city of Los Angeles inaugurated its
opening session
THE NEW COUNCIL IN POWER.
Don Estachio Klokke, attired as q
Castilian knight. unloosed the bonds of
eloquence and moved that the salaries
of the council be paid instanter. This
motion was carried with hurrah.
Count Carlos Foreman, as q Portu-
guese buccaneer, submitted the follow
ing grandiloquent screed:
Whereas, Her illustrious highness,
the queen Of the angels. has deigned to
announce her intention OF visiting this
favored city OF her realm; and
Whereas, The shoal waters and un-
protected sites of all the available har.
bors prohibit the approach OF her mighti-
ness galleone, whereat she is greatly in
ceneed, and
Whereas, She prefers to travel by
water, disdaining such unpoetic things
hb EdllTOhud, huQ
Whereas, She has viewed with dis
trust the disseneions OF her thick
headed subjects on tho location of the
proposed dsep-water harbor, which her
respected relative and uncle, Samuel, is
about to construct,
Now, therefore, in order to placate
her irate majesty and forever set at rest
the harbor question, aud cause the bar
to cease moaning, be it
Resolved by this asinine crew, That
$3.50, 900, 900 be-. and the same is hereby
appropriated from the uncollected taxes
OF the impecunious portion of the people
OF Utah and Alaska, for the immediate
construction of a deep-water hRrbor at
Mount Lowe. That the death penalty,
without benefit of clergy, be imme-
dlately inflicted upon any subject of her
illustrious majesty who dsres to men
ton any other harbor site than said
Mount Lowe, during the reign OF her
highness.
HIGH EXECurIoNER APPOINTED.
Signor Mayer Newmark, as the doge Of
Venice, Eliminates the following mo.
ton:
To His Honorable Nibs the Carnival Mayor,
and Board Of Carnival Councillors;
tion has clearly proven that q very i'm
portant Office in the makeup of the city
government mas been overlooked. Had
the chief city executioner been com
nlauded to decapitate any misguided
city officer, am quite sure that today's
upheaval OF the government had not
been necessary.
L therefore move you that we create
this new Office and fill it with the Hon.
orable Richard Altschul ANY ten
dency on the part OF the fiesta govern
ment to 90 wrong will thus be removed,
Pasha Abraham Haas, as a Turkish
dignitary, hoated up to the surface with
q resolution.
SMELLING OUT THE COIN.
Whereas, Our people have repeatedly
petirioneu congress Tor an .ppropria-
ton OF the trifling sum OF $4,000, 900 to
construct deep water harbor and hav
failed and
Whereas, The hard times now pre-.
vailing are due to a scarcity of money.
which difficulty may be easily over
come by a jrdicious expenditure of
funds by the city government in public
Improvements: and
Whereas, The new fiesta government
OF the city has received from the former
government the balance remaining in
the city treasury, to-wit, two copper
cents; and
Whereas, 1t is desirable that this
balance should be at once put into cir
culation so as to relieve the prevailing
stringency now therefore be it
Resolved, That this sum be at once
expended for the purpose of constructing
castiron sidewalk crossings throughout
the city, and this council hereby appro.
PIRATES this sum for said purpose. the
amount to be placed in the hands of
that able financial body, the finance
committee OF the late city government.
THE LICENSE ISSUE.
Booriboole Sha, in the person Of Jim
Mellus, presented the following:
To the honorable Council of the La Fiesta Ctty
Government,
The merchants of this city demand
that the license ordinance enacted a
thousand years ago and now in force. be
abolished, at once, and all the money
paid in the past be refunded 1t will be
a very easy matter to do this, as it is
calculated the amount will not exceed
$l0,000.000, for which bonds can be
issued. We trust you will give this your
immediate attention, as our lives depend
on it.
AN oUTFALL SEWER SCHEME.
Sitting Bull H. Jevne gave vent to a
war whoop and turned in this resolu-
ton:
Resolved, That the city council order
the construction of ship canal to the
ocean along the line of the outfall sewer
and charge it to Daniel Tillman, whose
land will be greatly enhanced in value
thereby.
VOICE FOR REFORM,
Henkirk Hudson G. Grifiths handed
up bundle of resolutions, from which
these are culled:
Where's, Our celestial sovereign is
about to visit US and is entitled to un-
trammeled sway over this mundane
sphere during her sojourn, it behooves
us to clear her way OF all incum RANGES.
and to that end we bring these charges
against the present government that it
may be removed:
First-There is not enough public
money spent; we should spend at least
ten millions annually.
standardization is not high enough.
Instead OF $2S per capita we can all
stand at least 500, particularly the free
trade Industrial army.
Third-We have not enough public
offices. There should be offices enough
so that every grown male and half the
females could have one or more.
Therefore, in view of the foregoing
charges, we demand that the present