Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-15

her coffers, if husbanded it will help. It many, but it would help pay the ex- penses of parliament.
 Great Britain has my money, and have a new suit of clothes. They will appear in the principal cities of America for one night only during the season of 1994-5. I will mail terms to applicants promptly on application of the applicant.
 The ride down to Southampton on the 10 o'clock steamer train is delightful on such day as 1 had. No one can appre- ciate the carefully kempt farms and hedges and roads of England Ss a horny listed farmer from North Carolina can. In North Carolina most of our territory Is still virgin forest, except where here and there some man has cut down a bee tree.
 In England the lands are underbrush- ed, seeded down to grass, drained and entailed. In North Carolina this has not been done. Sometimes you will see tract of 5000 acres with nothing on it whatever in the way of improvement except lis pendens or a right of dover, while in England the whole island looks like a thrifty truck patch.
 got aboard the steamer train wear ing a reverberating suit of tweed, with a Norfolk jacket of same, made with box plait, and heavy hose which almost reached to my knickerbockers. Really it was shooting suit, but thought pos sibly we might scare up a few ducks com ing home on the steamer, so prepared myself.
 As I got on board the train I put on an air of importance and asked the guard in a low, rumbling voice if he could give me compartment by myself, mean time giving him what English money had left. He selected a first class com partment, put my closing out sale of wraps, rugs, etc., inside and locked the door. 1 was proud to know that 1 com manded esteem where 1 was not known, and 1 leaned back joyfully in the rich cushions of my moving penitentiary. To myself I said: ''Some folks think can not travel in a foreign country without a matron, but this would indicate that can. Here I am occupying the place of passengers, and nothing out except what I paid the guard, while the travelling public may howl it's head off for accom- modations, but in vain. My door is locked, and they cannot enter here." The more 1 thought 1t over the more naughty and offensive became. But we did not stop more than once bet,. cen London and Southampton and then only to pass the time of day with a railroad man in corduroys. When 1 got to the end of the journey, I found that was the only passenger on the entire train had sub, orned and corrupted the guard with money which I afterward sadly needed, while could have taken my pick of the whole train and welcome.
 The tender at Southampton was wait ing for me, and out at her anchorage the Bremen steamer greeted me with several selections by it's triple plated silver band. People rushed on deck, thinking might be Mitchell or Gladstone, those two ster- ling champions of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.
 Among other things that I have taken fancy to is a high, laced, waterproof shoe with cork sole and upper leather of porpoise skin.
 I wore these aboard. They are very soft and easy to the feet and made large, so that they almost require janitor or caretaker. They make my feet look de- formed, and feel that people are look ing at them all the time, wondering if am an Englishman who bought at the wrong time large part of Frady's addi- tion to South Hutchinson, Kan, and now on the way west to see about it.
 That is not all. The porpoise is a fish with his pores full of oil, which has a slight odor of salt codfsh, whale oil, har- ness oil. hot glue, unnaturalized cheese and an emancipation anniversary ball at the south.
 came on board and went down into the salon, where there were two pale women, who excused themselves and went away with look that did not de- serve, for had not said anything at all.
 This salon is very pleasant part of the boat, but no one seemed to care for 1t but l. Just my nice new porpoise shoes and I. We cared for no other so- ciety-and were content.
 One day I went down into the steer age to make studies of the poorer classee of emigrants, but the cmigrants pcti- toned our captain not to let me come there any more, for they preferred such humble odors as they had brought along with them-simple, of course, but pow erful enough to answer their purposes without calling science in.
 At night left those shoes outside my door to be blackened and polished by the steward. One might as well try to put polish on the Standard Oil company. The more he rubbed and brushed them the more they opened their oily pores and shed their spicy breath up and down the deck like everything.
 I had table to myself all the trip, and when got back 0 special elevated train took me up town. If the reader wants sol itude at the corner of Fulton street and Broadway or at the mouth of the East River bridge, he can have it if he will wear these porpoise skin waterproof boots on a warm day. They will remove moth patches, freckles, moles and farm buildings of moderate size.
 It was my intention to declare every thing that had that was dutiable this time, but the purser advised me to just open my trunks and stand right by them all of the time. He said that the exam ination would be brief If would stay right by my baggage and give those Rhoea a chance. buk did not follow his