davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE,
CToRIEs THAT ARE TOLD BY TIE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.

Summer Days - The Shoulder - On
the Edge-Specch That Was Gold
cn-Prccaution, Etc, Etc.
The sun his rays are pouring down,
The mercury runs high.
The well-to-do are leaving town
The beach resorts to try;
The solar fires a deep rich brown
Fair muiden's faces dye,
And oft the bald man slaps his crown.
But never hits the fly.
New York Press.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
HE'LL WANTED.

Mrs, Younswife "Henry, I wish
YOU would call the policeman to the
loor and offer him cigar"
Mr.. Y.-"Why?"
Mrs Y desperately "I'm going to
discharge our cook"
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
UrrEELY DIscouRAaEp.

"These is terrible hard times" said
Meandering Mike.
''You bet they is, " replied Plodding
Pete. "a feller can't go nowhere
ookin' fur work nowadays without
heyin some offered him. ~ Washing
ton Star
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
INSTRUCTIONS.

New Train Rohber ''And what am
to do if the passengers won't hold up
their hlnds?"
Old Train Robber -- "Well, you
might wait for the next train. =
Puck.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

DR.. Bilge-"Are the CGtchons in So
ciety?"
Mr.. Bilk-"They are suburban resi-
dents of it. Puck.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
SPEECH THAT WAS GOLDEN.

Edith--''What did Mr.. Lover say
to you when he called last nIcht?"
Maud--"He made ringing speech.
See my finger. - Truth.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
not DISCOURAGED.

Teacher--'You have failed in your
history lessons every day this week. :"
Boy (reluctantly)-"Y-e-s-m."
Teacher-"What will you do when
you grow up?'
Boy (brightly)-"I'll buy cyclope-
dia. Good News.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

Russia is said to have 1877, 900, 900
more acres of land under cultivation
than the United States, but these sta
tistics are supposed, by the New York
World, to be misleading, if not wholly
false.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
PREChUTION.

Patient-''I wish to consult you in
regard to my utter loss of memory"
Doctor --- "Aw- yes -why-er--in
this class of cases ! alway require my
fee III advance. Puck.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

81 don't think advertising pays. d"
"Why, | once heard of II man who
got wife by advertising.
I'm that man D." Truth.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

Ulle East General
Howard New En-
gland States, New
ork, New Jersey,
Pennsylvania, Del
a W are, Maryland,
Virginia, West Vir-
einia, North Caro-
lima, South Caro-
lima, Georg ia, Flor
ida, Louisiana, Mis-
sissippi, Alabama,
Kentucky, Tennes.
see, Ohio and the
Di trict of Colum-
bia.
departments OF the
Missouri lGenoral
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
AT THE 'sEA SPRAY COTTAGE 3"

Brown" Miss Blueserge has been
absorbed in that paper for the last half
hour. | wonder what it is she finds SO
.nteresting?"
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
THE SHOULDER.

Father--"My son, you want to.put
your shoulder to the wheel.
Son-"I do, father-the cold
shoulder. '-Truth.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

HIaGs-Figgs is prospering, isn't
he? Hatch-Oh, yes; he's got now
to where he can sass his butcher, -
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

triots of the future; it is upon this that
the country must depend for the spirit
which prompts all heroi m and all ma
tional feeling; it is upon this that we
must rely to keep alive the veneration
and reverence for the national flag.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

Only eight per cent. of the popula,
tion of st. Louis, Mo-, live in tene-
ments.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
SUBSCRIPTION RATES,

Wyoming is richer IN minerals than
any other State in the country.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
UNCLE SANS ARMY.
REGULARS AND MILITIA NUM-
BER $4,000 MEN.

how They Cooperate with Each Other
President Could Call Out the unorsan.
lied Militia, Which Is Over 100000
Men-Modern Military Discipline.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

ioIuls '.....,..-.. .S,lSS lu2,5AS 9,i4,b0O
The discipline and administration
conform as nearly as possible to that
Of the United States army, as well as
the system of tactics and field exer.
ciscs. The great difference between
this system and that of foreign coun-
tries is that the services of our soldiers
are voluntary, while in foreign countries
they are obligatory for certain mum.
Der of years. There are now but two
countries where enlistments are wholly
voluntary, and these are England and
the United States. 1t will he seen by
the development of the national
guard during the last ten years that
the relation of the national guard to
the people is being more deeply studied
and the results moro promptly acted
uron than ever before 1t IS the same
al. over the United States equally:
each State is becoming more desiroHEs
of perfecting the training of it citizen
soldiery and awarding them more sup,
port than at any time in our national
history
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
Forces of the United States.

Tho calling out of Federal troops to
suppress the recent railroad riots in
Chicago and in other parts of the
country has necessarily put people to
talking about the United States army.
The many years of peace in the coua-
try have removed from the minds of
the PEOPLE good deal that is now of
lnte est. The following authoritative
statement of the condition Of the army
Will be appreciated by our readers:
The army of tho United States con-
si5ts of the following forces, in officers
and mon:
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

Enlisted Aggre-
., Officers men gate
Ten cavalry regiments. 40 6OEO GsS,
Five artillery regiments. $50 3,G75 8955
Twenty-Five nifty regi-
mcnts .................. S77 l912J IA nno
Engineer battalion re-
cruiting parties, ord
nance department, hos
pital service Indian
scouts, West Point sig
nal, and general service 5G7 S.t.2 4ug
Total. tal..................2,156 25.9J2 ls14s
The United States is divided into
eight military departments, as follows:
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03

1t is less than fifty years since the
whole military aud naval world be-
lieved that discipline could be main
tanned only by force of knocking down,
whipping, bucking and gagging, tying
up by the thumbs and various other
methods of barbarous torture. The
actual experience of the last thirty
years has demonstrated that discipline
can be maintained without the inaic.
tion of such punishments. The older
method was to drill the soldier into a
mechanical machine, caring little or
nothing about his individual intelli.
gence, but under more modern tactica
and with improved firearms this
mechanical perfection is not so es.
sential as formerly.
The old ramrod stiffness of the sol.
der IS disappearing: he is no longer
buttoncd, breeched and belted as il
poured into mold. His little finger,
for generations pinned to the seams oi
his trousers, has at last acquired nat.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
Becoming Extinct.

Although the dug0ng ~ undoubt.
cdly the original Of the mcrma d, her
name Is not SO supple on the lips rs
the soft pct names given to the
sirens OF mythology Tho dugong
forms the connecting link between
the real whale and the seals and wal.
ruses. Like the whale the animal
has no hind feet, but u powerful hor.
izontal tail. Its interior extreEi.
ties are more tlcxibly jointed than
those OF The whale, and this Is q dis.
tinauished characteristic between
the two animals. The dugOng - said
to have attained lcngth OF twenty
feet but the usual length IL from
eight to twelve feet In appearance
the animal resembles the sen COW.
Its upper lip Is large, thick, and
feshy, and its snout Ii like the
trunk OF an elephant cut short
across The rude approach to tho
human outline observable In tho
shape Of tho head of this creature,
aud the attitude Of the mother while
sucking her younA holding IL to her
breast with ono clipper and, while
swimming with the other, holding
the ,heads OF both above water, and,
when disturbed, suddenly diving and
displaying her fsh.like tail-thesc,
together with her habitual demon.
strations Of strong maternal afrec.
ti0n, probably gave rise to the fable
Of the mermaid. Tho dugong 10 DO.
coming rapidly extinct.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
COnsistcOt.

A young Scotchman Of strong rclig-
ious tendencies left Edinburgh some
years ago to seek his fortune In
America. lie soon found employ.
ment in q mercantile house, and
proved to be not only good clerk. but
ubliging to his friends, When the
annual picnic was planned, he pro.
posed to save his fellOw-clerks the
expense OF printing their programmes
by typewrlting them himself. When,
however, the list OF diversions for
him, the days leasurc was handed
and he found that dancing was
among them, be exclaimed violently;
I'm nae print that ungodly word
dancing ON Iape. I'll typewrite
the rest Of 1t, and leave blank for
that wicked word, which some Ut you
worldly men can put In for your.
eolVes."
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
A White Queen.

Mira French Sheldon, the noted
African explorer, carried o banner on
which was imprinted the words,
''NOli mo tangere." anu impressed II
upon those black men that the white
woman must never be touched. In
speaking to her followers, or In Civ.
ing her orders, she was always care.
full to stand above them. and look
down upon them, and discovered that
she had much more command over
them when talking In this position.
They finally came to &C. opt tn as
her invariable custom. and always
brought her q box to stand upon; or.
II on the march, would escort her to
q bowldcr or high rock. when she
wished to proclaim her directions.
Once, when marching through an
African desert where there were no
powders, they formed u phalanx Of
kneeling slaves, and she stood upon
their hacks.
When u great chief passes through
o country, 1t 10 the custom of the
people to bring him beautiful gifts,
and they also offer their guests sixty
wives to take with him. When Mrs.
Sheldon arrived at certain place,
the Sultan OF the tribe sent her 800
OF the finest ostrich feathers, and
offered sixty husbands, who filed into
her AUGUST presence. They wcro the
picked men Of the tribe, tall, erect,
and or tine physique. This proved
to he rather an embarrassing present,
but she was obliged to explain that
that 1t was the custom Of the white
queen to have hut one husband, and
as she was already blessed with that
commodity, she would be forced to
decline with thanks
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28

The man Of ready wit can generally
extricate himself from difficulty.
Once, when the late Fred BurAsby
was returning to his hotel In Seville
quito late ut night Three Spanlards
OF the very worst type persistcntly
followed him. The streets were
dark and narrow, and be began to real.
izc that his would.be assailants were
rapidly gaining on him. The POSI-.
tion was critical, and IL became nee.
cssarv " display promptitudc. AZ
he walkei, he began soliloquizing
audibly In the native tongue, ut the
same time letting the moonlight
flash along the barrel of q small re.
volver, which no always carried. His
soliloquv took the form Of math.
cmatical sum. ''How many inen
could / kill" he inquired, with six
bullets, which are ut the present mo.
ment In my pocket, II ] accept rs q
fact that two bullets would effect
ually polish of one man? Answer
three. Right" The effect OF this
conclusion was very remarkable. The
Spanlards ut once turned about, and
the mathematician was left master
Of the situation.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
A Potato swtntl1c.

A novel scheme Is being perpetratcd
on the public by q number OF vegcta.
BILE dealers in St Louis, says the re.
public of that city. Tho scheme Is
unique and u paying one, for the city
marketer is no judge OF the products
palmed of upon him.
Last week marketers we're rather
surprised to see displayed atthe stands
what purpcfted to be new potatoes,
selling at 10 cents q small measure,
the measure containing not over
dozen small potatoes. The obllglng
attendants at the stands upon inquiry
relieved themselves Of the infOrma.
ton that the potatoes came from the
Barmuda Islands. The customer &C.
copied these statements and pur-
chased lavishly Of the delicacy.
"Wherc are your new pOtatOes?"
asked reporter yesterday Of one Of
the stand proprietOrs, whose display
was conspicuous by the absence Of
the new potatoes.
"New potatoes" he calculated!
There are none in the market Ut
this time Of the year"
''But all the other stands have
them"
"Oh, 1 understand what you mean.
A man came to me the other day and
wanted to sell me supply Of new
potatoes ! laughed ut him. He
then told me that he had a process Of
taking old potatoes and max ny them
appear 40 new, and the public would
never know the difference. He said
that he picked out the smaller ana
less salablc Of the old potatoes and
buried them for few days. During
this time the eyes began to sprout
ana the covering became fresh look.
Inv, and when washed rescm bled new
potatoes When he had completed
his story I told him that I respected
my customers and would handle none
of Ills gOOds.n
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
An 1rksos,,c Duty.

1t has always been the custom to
give presents to brides and bride.
grOOms; but In the old times only
ones relatives claimed che attention
and the gift. 1t was pleasant then
to cast about In ones mind for some.
thing Beatrice would like or that
would just meet the needs OF Harold;
pleasant to scheme In order to secure
something q little beyond ones
means: quite holiday when the
day came to make u choice Of the
gift; and ever after q "Reminiscences OF
enjoyable hours to see the present In
Its new home. But nowadays one is
expected To give wedding presents to
the merest acquaintance: what was
once o pleasure Is turned into q duty,
and OF all duties society duties are
apt to become unweicOme Thus IL
happens that because the unwrltten
but memorable law Of fashion has de.
creed that wedding presents arc to
be bestowed on acquaintance, the
providing OF them Ia distinctly o bore.
Aud why should II not be? Nat
urally, We know next to nothing OF
the tastes OF our acquaintance and
In consequence cannot think what To
give them. Then, too II our income
Is u modest one. instead OF pinching
to obtain something more elaborate
and costly than we can afford. our
aim aud object is to buy something
that will look we'll, and not betray
its modest price. All sentiment and
poetry vanishcs from q wedding now
that VIC IRE bound to appear ut II
Us the donor Of some gift. Let Us
have the courage, then, to refuse To
follow the dictates OF society, leaving
this irksome tax In the hands OF the
wealthy.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
POISONING As A FINE ANT.
italians Of Oiden Days Took Life In Many
skiiIful Ways.

italians Of Oiden Days Took Life In Many
skiiIfui ways.
Tho art OF 20 soninc in these days
is not cultivated with zcst or skill.
Even in modern romantic and melo.
dramatic literature the poisoner
works In what the Boston Journal
calls crude fashion: his one idea Ia
to get the poison in the stomach of
the victim. Detection Is almost In.
evitable, and punishment follows.
Italians ri the fifteenth, sixteenth,
and the first halt OF the seventeenth
century showed most surprising skill.
Italian refDOvers of enemies were
welcome ut many foreign court, for
they were subtle, sure. and. ut the
same time, well bred. There was the
attempt to kill Louis NJ by rubbing
an ointment on the corner OF the al.
ter step on which he went to kneel.
Gloves and bolucts removed mighty
men and delicate women. Wallets
pricked their masters as they served
them in their toilet Nails stepped
In aconitc put an end to petty quar-
rcls. Henry OF CASTLE wore boots
one dcy and never took them of
again. A King of Grenada should
have refused the adornment of a var.
iegated royal Jacket There was
jealous woman who smiled as she saw
her rival eat the half Of a delicious
bird that had touched the poisoned
side Of the knife used by q kissable
hand. A torch borne before q car.
dinal lighted him to dusty death.
Pcrfumed ducats slew q creditor he.
fore he could sign the receipt There
was poison In the pummel OF the sad.
die thot bore u powerful queen. 1t
is said that Henry, the Emperor and
Pope Clement XVI. were poisoned In
q draught OF the holy eucharist.
There were still more subtle devices,
too horrible to tell. but searchers
into the dark yet splendid history Of
tho renaissance and students may
lind therein many n shuddcr.
Yet there Is subtle poisoning oven
In these degenerate DAYS The care.
less plumber or the greedy landlord
Is, In his way, q lesscner Of the race.
There ore wall papers as eilicaclous as
the deathly books told Of In the Ara.
bian knights" or by Dumas the
elder. There ore public rooms where
foul air induces diseases. hut these
methods are slow and bungiing-not
In keeping with our boosted civiliza.
ton. The smooth. the subtle Italian
was more mercifui-that Is, when he
merely nc ommodated master and
did not work for bis own pleasure
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
A Bomb That Was Not Dangerous.


In Paris a few nights ago an old
gentleman went to the opera. and,
the weather being cold. preferred to
keep his Overcoat In the stalls. At.
tendants are rather worrying in the
French theaterS where us yet the
fec ,ystem Is simply rampant The
old gentleman was SO pcrsistently at
tackled to give up his coat that he
lost his temper and peremptorily
ordered II not to be touched. In the
present state Ut Paris feeling that
was quite enough. Here clearly was
an Anarchist, and the Opera House
was to be blown up And. moreover,
one OF the pockets Of the coat showed
q most suspicious bullying out. The
attendant disappointed OF his tip,
went for the assistant manager, who
In his turn sent for the Commissary
Of Police. The old gentleman was
brought up before this Official and In.
tcrrogatcd rs to his antccedents.
Then he was ordered u surrender his
coat. IL was handled most delicately
tho assistant manager keeping neat
to tho door. From the pocket was
cautiously extracted the incrImi.
mating bomb, which proved TO he q
paper bag with thrco Tangerinc
oranges The garment was then re.
stored to its owner without comment
or explanation.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
TRICK OF TWO rYpe.THuMpxRs
It Accounts for the Girl In the 0ther Rsom
Always Knowing What Was Going On.

II Accounts for the Girl in the Osher Rom
Always Knowing What Was Going On.
A prominent lawyer thought he had
discovered Q wonderful instance Of
thought transferencc the other day,
says the Pittsburgh Dispatch. He
has two typewriter operators
One works In his private ofiico and
the other has desk III the adjoining
room. OF late he has been puzzled
upon giving instructions to his pri.
vate stenOgrapher. to be delivered to
the other typewriter, to find that she
never quit the room. yet the girl in
the next room would always execute
the order just as IL she had been told
explicitly what was required. The
attorney fer long time has been Try.
ing to account for the seemingly
telepathic communication between
the two young ladies'
Yesterday he thought he would
make a test of the matter, and call
ing his stenographer he said: II
want you to take down this article
of agreement and give It to Miss
Blank to transcrlbe." lie then die.
lated lengthy and tcchn cal dOcu.
ment, trying to make it as difficult
as possible. The stcnographer took
It down and then went to her ma.
chine and began operating 1t. The
attorney watched her closely and IA "
that she never stopped her work.
lie waited for q half.hour, then he
turned to his typewriter and said:
miss SO-and.So, I think You have
forgotten to give Miss Blank that
dictation / gave you for her."
"Oh, mo-" replied the young lady.
''Miss Blank has IL finished and walt.
ing for you out there"
This Donpiused the attorney. lie
was sure his private stcnograp her had
not left the room and did not sec
how II could be possible for such q
complicated agreement to be trans.
ferred by telepathic communication.
He went out to Miss Blank, VINO
handed him the agreement CON-
pleted. The attorney could not con.
tain himself any longer, us he said:
miss Blank, ! have been noticing
something strange foy the last month.
VIII yOu Vcil ulc uOW you TcCClvC my
instructions from Miss So.and.So
without her leaving nv room? Here
you have Transcribed o very difficult
dictation and / am sure you have had
no communication with her."
The young lady began to smile and
said: "Mr -, you should not be
80 sure that We have had no com
munication. We con converse with
each other when the door Is open Just
a. we'll rs II we verc In the same
room. No. it's not thought.trans.
ference. but plain telcgraphy. You
see, Miss SO.aud.SO aud / have
learned biography recently and we
practice 10 this way. We found the
space bars Of our typewriters make
perfect telegraph keys, 20 that we
can send messages just as we'll a. with
u regular telegraph instrument. So
It's not 50 mysterious after all"
The young lady showed her EN-.
plOycr the manner OF sending q
message, and he began to think how
easily some mysterious incidents
could no explained II wo only kne "
tho truth.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
Writing TO the Queen.

The pager on which letters to
Queen Victoria are written must not
be folded. No commun cation which
bears evidence OF having been creased
will ever fall into her Majesty's own
hands. Tho proper methods Is to
write on thick, glossy white paper,
and to d spatch tho missive In an en-.
velope which TITS II. Any folded
communication never reaches the
Queen, for tho simple reason that
she won't look at 1t. All such letters
are opened by the mistress OF the
robes, and rs o rule their contents
never get beyond her, or. ifthe letter
is OF import snce, 1t is returned to tho
writer with directions how to forward
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-04-28
Tho Turkish HRreill.

In the modern acceptation Of the
word. harem merely means the pri.
vate apartments Of women. The.cnd
OF the Turkish railway carriage, cur.
tanned of from the rest, IL harem; SO
Is the ladies' cabin on board shin, and
tho latticed gallery In a mosque. II
the dwelling house II Is all that
quarter inhabited by tho WITH and
children and other ladies Of the
family. Few Turks NOWADAYS have
more than one wife. The traditional
Turk with his innumerable women
no longer exists, except as u very rare
exception, hut the Massulman has
not sacrificed the advantages OF the
privacy granted him by the NOLAN.
medan law and custom.