The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1894-08-10
A MATRIMONIAL SHOT.

~,
a community. ''Selectr' old Miss
Mayberry is reported to have observ-
cd. They call themselves select do
they? Where were they selected from?
That is what | want to know" OF
course, no one satisfied her impertin.
ent curiosity We all knew where
we came from, If she didn't, and some
some of us held strange opinions as to
Miss Mayberry's ultimate destination;
but that is neither here nor there.
Still, it was rather startler," when
old Mr. EggleStons of BermondSey,
came down to Willowbown to live. He
was fabulouslv rich; he swallowed
peas with his knife, and called Them
'marrerfats;' he was impatient, head
strong. choleric apoplectic. Two inn
portant facts saved him from social
ostrac!sm-his aldermanic dinners and
his daughter Senpronia.
1t & not very easy to describe Sem
propia. Her beauty had an elusive
way OF defyng description. When she
cEtered room people were vaguely
conscious thdt something pleasant had
,happened II you were fortunate
enough TO rake her in to dinner she
confirNed that impression. Even mock
turtle los1 it's mockery when she sat
beside you Not that old Eggleston
often put people off with mock turtle;
he was far too fond of dipping his
white beard in the genuine thing to
wish TO impose limitations on his
guests. Poor Harry Nichson's trou-
bles. however, begnn the first time he
dined at the Egg!estons, owing TO Mr..
Eggleston's Ambiguous speech. Mr..
Eggleston was gobbling away at his
soup, and only left off to observe that
he couldn't eat the 'ot 'ouse."
But. my dear SIR" observed Harry
nothing but an ostrich could eat your
hothouse."
Don't you be impertinent, young
man." retorted Mr.. Eggleston, "or you
and NELL ave words. l will eat IL If
like.
Semprona threw oil on the troubled
waters, but not before Mr.. Eggleston
had remarked TO the remains Of his
soup that Harry was "a nordacious
sparrer."
Semprona was fond of her father.
She didn't obtrude the fact, but skill
fully contrived to throw her mantle
over him at all the social functions OF
the neighbOrhood. 1t soon became an
understood thing that any one who
poked fun at Mr.. Eggleston had no
chance of winning the good graces
Of his beautiful daughter. Her
mother had been a lady a
very feeble one, and married Eggle-
ston on account of his strong-minded-
ness. Mrs. Eggleston's relatives We're
so astoniShed by the originality of such
a reason chat they cut her. II preyed
on Mrs. Eggleston good deal, but
she lived very happily with her hus-
band until SemprOnia was born. Then,
like Mrs. Dombey, "she couldn't make
an effort-and died! People who saw
poor Mr.. Eggleston at that awful time
said that he was as one distraught.
He sat by the dead woman, holding
her hand until she was taken away TO
the grave Then he fell down in a fit.
He was only prevented from following
his wife into the silent land by hear
ing the doctors say that he hadn't
chance Of living. In order to contra
diet them he recovered. Ii he couldn't
:" "'eat the 'ot 'ouse" it wasn't for want
of trying his jaws on everything else
he came across
Still. with IN his faults. old Mr. Eg-
gleston was much beloved in Willow
town. His speech when he first took
the chair at the penny Readings"
was a model of metaphorical research.
"When look round ere" he said.
sticking bis determined thumbs well
into his white waistcOat. 81 ask myself
what brings me ere, and I says 20 my
self, says Money! I've never been
properly eddicated. but I've made
Money! / was born in the gutter, so
to speak, but I've made-Money! l
amt the genuine come-over- William
the-Conqueror and observation-disclosures
ed-thieves lot (any one can tell I'm not
real Dosset, and only oleomargarine),
but I've made-Money! Nobody'd call
me new-laid Brahma; I'm only a
sixteen -toIthe-shillin' and take e-me- back-
if-igh-F h-French-egg, but I've made
Money! And now I've made money
mean to spend 1t on people l like, so
I'll be very glad if you'fl all come up
to supper when the performance Is
over. Mr. Nicholson's going to sing
The Fart Bowed Down l don't
know what It's bowed down about but
l dessay it's very pretty" And Mr..
Eggleston retired amid thunderous ap-
plauSe.
Harry Nicholson sang "The Heart
Bowed Dowr" with great effect. "He's
always up ~ Tue dH, MT. rSSSleStOu
informed the people. He liked Nchol-
son now, although he couldn't resist
calling him "a confounded young
puppy for sniggerin' because l got
tummoxed and said Mr.. Recitation
will give a Smith the other night.
He's OF a good family, Nicholson Is.
| should like my daughter to marry
into good family. / never was mucn
Of family man myself, though
dessay could buy crest and Latin
mortar at the 'Erald's college. Still
it's Hne thing TO have picture gal
lery full of beautiful murderesses and
ruffins in armOr and Sir 'Ugos and Sill
Lunchalots, and Lady Ediths Of the
white and. and stitchlike."
Sempronia did not object 70 Nichol
sons picture gallery at all. She and
Nicholson were always together. Ol
course, Nicholson was poor. Indeed
his picture gallery was his chief pos
session. He was expected to live uI
to 1t. People supposed that he die
aop,athtnu far living lint M nm,