Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-08-16
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
IN0S HERE AND THERE
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed 10
Have Been Recently Born-Sayings and
Doings that Are Odd. Curious, and laugh
sble--The Weeks Humor.


Lou Oo All A<Au@ns
IT sounds rather paradoxlcal for
perfectly well man to speak OF his in
valid wife as his better half.-BostOn
Transcript.
FIRsT-"There is one sign that
should be placed over every letter
box in the CITY," Second-"Whatis
that?" First-"Post no bills. Yale
Record.
THE only difference between the
winner of race on the river and on
the track was that one rowed a boat
and the other rode horse. -BostOn
Commercial.
Mr. What boobies wom-
en- are-always crying at weddings!
Mrs. Grumpps-You never saw women
crying at divorce, did you?-New
York Weekly.
JACK-"She says No to every
thing you say, doesn't she?" Tom
Not always. When 1 asked her il
she persisted in her refusal, she said
Yes. Life.
CLARA-"We girls are getting up a
secret society,"" George the
object?" Clara-"I don't know yet,
but I'll tell you all after / am
inflated. It'd Bits.
JUDGE-"You have committed a
serious crime! Do you know what
the penalty for it is?" Gu prit-
"Sorry / can't oblige you Why don't
you look it up?"-Fliegende Blaetter.
LIMITED QUARTERS. MIR. Hayseed
lin the There's wagon sefiin.'
condensed milk. / wonder. wot that's
fer?". Mrs. Hayseed-1I guess that's
fer people. w6t lives In fats. Life.
Shelf every atom of the human
EOdy is renewed every seven years, /
cannot be the same woman that you
married He-I've been suspecting
that for some time New York
Weekly.
NELLIE-Why do you send out
your wedding invit atoms so far in
advance? Millie-Many OF our friends
keep their money in savings banks.
and have to give notice. York
Weekly.
WHATS that noise." asked Willie,
as the owls began to boot. Its
howl" said his English nurse. @Poh!"
cried Willie. IL know that, but
what is it that's howling?"-Harpers
Bazaar.
FoGG-- Oh, you are too hard on
Flimsey. He has his faults, but
there is one good thing about him.
Dobbs-And pray what is that?
Fogg-He-er-Ic can't recall it just
at this moment.-Tid-B Bits
YOUNG HOUsEKE EPER-Have you a
small hand bellows for blowing the
fire? Understanding like that,
madam? Young housekeeper-Yes;
that will do. 1t you will fill it with
wind and put cork in the end I'll
take it with me.-Life.
GUEsT-Will you not give me q
kiss, beauteous creature? Waiter
girl-Not much do / give you any
kiss. Guest (resignedly)-Well. then,
you might as we'll bring me portion
of Schweitzer cheese and a glass OF
book beer.-German Joke.
FIRST DETECTIvE-Have you sue
ceeded in locating your suspected an
archist? Second detective-Yes: /
have him dead to rights so far as the
house is concerned. But, you see; he
is Mormon, and l don't know ex-
actly which bed he is under.-Mer-
chant Traveller.
CUsToMER-What do. you charge
for arsenic? Drug clerk (suspiciOusly)
What do you want it for? Customer
i I'M French candy manufac-
turer. Drug clerk suspicious al
ayed)-Oh, l beg pardon, sir;
thought perhaps you wanted it for
yourself.-New York Sun.
CHARLEY will soon be home again.
fresh from his studies, won't he?"
said fond mother to her spouse. II
don't thinN, my dear, that Charley's
studies can have the effect of making
him any fresher than he was when
he left" was the old gentleman's I'M
feeling reply.-Cincinnati Sun.
REPoRTER-Are you going to work
to-day, Pat? Pat-Sure, l dunno.
My ould woman says she'll break me
head if l don't, and the union men
will break me head If l do. Sure,
these are hard times for dacint men.
l think I'll just take me chances
with tie ould woman. New York
Tribune.
OLD GENTLEMAN-Do you think,
sir, that you are able to support my
daughter without continually hover.
ing on the verge Of bankruptcy?
Suitor-Oh, yes, sir: l am sure i
can. Old Gentleman-Well. that's
more than / can do. Take her and
be happy. York Weekly.
HERES story about coin that
a man marked with his initials com.
ing back to him after an absence Of
twenty-three years. Queer, wasn't
it?" "Oh, don't know. / passed
a coin in bazaar in Constantinople
thirty years ago. and" at came
back to you?" "The same afternoons;
1T was counterfeit. philadelphia
Call.
A GENTLEMAN enters a telegraph
office: Il beg pardon, but as i was
coming along this afternoon ! saw
myriads Of flies settled on. your wires.
Can you suggest any explanations"
about what tine was it, sir?"
q hD,< fo,r o,o1nol. %l~.x