Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-07-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A lover of old books-The moth
Mercury.
To the victors belong the privilege
Of fighting over the spoils. Puck.
Contentment is better than money,
and Just about as scarce. Texas Sift-
ngs.
Money that is boarded is no more
use tnan bread that is buried. Mil
waukee Journal.
We all of us live and learn; but
some of us live a great deal more than
we learn. Puck.
The tramp will not descend to slang
when it comes to using "soap" as u
synonym of money. Puck.
Father-"Tommy, what's your
mother baking-a cake?" Tommy
Cant tell yet. 1t isn't done, Life.
Most men would be pretty well sat
isfed with the world if no one in it
were better off than themselves
Puck.
There are some mortals who are
never happy save when they have some
hurt feelings to enjoy.
News.
Every man should try to live so that
the world will not be made very much
better by his getting out of it. Gal
weston News.
II n womau's age could be told by
her teeth, like horses, mau would
occasionally have chance to edge
word in.-Puck.
Lover-"I assure you, Herr Meyer,
l cannot live without your daughter"
Herr Meyer-"Oh, you overestimate
my income. "--Fliegende Blaetter.
"Ah" remarked the great musician
rs he walked the floor with his bowling
offspring in his arms, sit is much
easier to compose grand opera than a
wakeful baby"
"Dapper feels terribly uncomforta-
BILE about his wife's mannish ways"
"Goes in for athletics, eh?" "No,
but she won't learn to build fire."
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
81 understand you've bought dog
to keep burglars away?" Eyes"
"You are not troubled any more at
night, then, l supposed" "Only by
the dog. "-Tit-Bits.
Court "Why should the prisoner
have an Interpreter? Can't he speak
English?" Attorney-"No, youi
honor, he's a railway trainman. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
1t will be noticed that the man whc
oI. IL
rich in hurry always requests you to
lnclose few postage stamps for his
recipe. Washington Post.
crest and change are good for peo.
pie, said the wife rs she rose in tha
night to rifle her husbands pockets.
'1've had rest, and now think I'll
have a little change. Buffalo
Courier.
White-'I wonder that GRAY
should think of marrying that woman.
She is not on speaking terms with her
own mother" Black -"Perhaps that
is why Gray marres her. "-Bostor
Transcript.
Mother--"What have you done tc
your little sister?" --"Nothin.
"Then what is she cryin' for?" 81
dunno. Guess she's cryin' because
she can't think of anything to cry
for. - Good News.
Mrs. Bewtay-"Yes. Patrick, that il
my picture; but it natters me lit.
tie. Patrick-"It would have te
flatter you a good DEAL mum, to look
NJ well as you do in my eyes, num-"
Boston Transcript.
Whats old Swizzles, the million
aire, looking so pleased about? He
just lost $4,000 in stocks" "Ye,,
but nfterward he managed to get II
free ticket to seventy -hve-cent show"
Washington Star.
Papa --"Are you sure that you and
mamma thought of me while you were
away?" Little Grace--"Yes; we
heard q man just scolding awful about
his breakfast, and mamma said
That's just like papa. "--Chicago In
ter-Ocean.
Clerk-"Does it take you an hour
to so around the corner?" Boy-"A
man dropped quarter down hole in
the sidewalk Clerk -sAnd it took
you all this time to get it out?" Boy
-"Yes, sir. l had to wait till ths
man went away. Harlem Life.
He-"You are the only woman |
have ever loved" She-"Do you ex-
pect me to believe that?" He-"I
do. swear it is true" She-"Then
believe you. Any man who would
expect woman to believe that can.
not have been much in the company
of women. ."-Harper's Bazaar.