The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1894-03-22
RANDOM SHOTS.


A divorce suit is a singular proceed
ing
zella Nicolaus ought to either settle
up or settle down.
The early bluebird is advised TO wait
n few days longer.
In the ups and downs of life the baby
Is not always without a pere.
All grocers may not be heroes, but
some of them have plenty Of sand.
Can 1t be that the bloodthirsty Bra
lillian correspondents have quit fight
ing?
Little Lord Fauntleroy has grown old
enough to enter Harvard college next
fall.
This, said the tired man, as he started
slowly up the last flight Of stairs, Is an
other story.
The man who is always on the go
sometimes doesn't know how to stop
when he gets there.
Have you really and truly given up
bacon during Lent? Yes, indeed; l
don't even read Shakespeare.
In the fierce oyster war between Vir-
ginia and Maryland, no doubt a good
many shells will be thrown
They are having a bench show in
New York just now. That's more than
Peckham had in Washington.
Boston is always original. After
cheering the "red flag of peace it
should now shout for the black flag of
truce.
Appearances are very deceptive, re-
marked the tenor. Yes, indeed, replied
the prima donna, especially farewell ap-
pearances.
Stranger lin Washington)-Wha is
the distinguishing sign Of congress-
man? Resident-Poker chip in the
trousers pocket.
It has often been remarked that the
Chinese do everything just opposite to
western style For instance, China
mans queue follows him.
Miss Keedlclk (speaking Of her friends
flance)-Is he rich? Miss Gaskett-He
must be. He has promised to buy me
everything 1 want.
Just as we begin to feel hopeful and
frisky over the situation, we see the dis
couraging announcement that pearls are
advancing rapidly in price.
Why was their engagement broken
off? Did they quarrel? No; that was
the trouble They were both so ami
able that they got tired of each other.
Perhaps the most unhappy town in
the United States is New Haven, Conn.
1t has both "town-born roughs" and
college gangs" to contend with.
Connoisseur-You say this Corot costs
900 and this one $4,000 L can see no
difference in them. Dealer-But this
one is much more genuine, you see
The statement that the senate fin
ance committee is now having trouble
over whiskey and sugar" will be re-
ceiyed with confidence mingled with sor-
row.
Mistress-You must really break off |
that dreadful habit, Babette, of always |
wanting to have the last word Maid
But how am l to know, ma'am, that
you have nothing more to say?
Chollie Litewayte is the most hope
lessly stupid person | ever met, said the
tired young woman The nearest he
ever comes to having light on his
mind is when he has a pain in his head.
Sam Jones gets off good thing occa-
sionally, this for instance THE most
beautiful sight in the world is to see a
family gathered around a hearthstone,
with the head of the household reading
his local paper-paid for In advance"
The president has returned to the sen.
lte the name of John Beard once re-
iected for confirmation as nominee for
postmaster at Danville, Illinois. This is
not only Boarding the lion in his den,
out 1t is spiking Cannon in his mouth.
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CHANGE OF Address