Little Falls weekly transcript., 1894-07-20
Clipper Chestnuts.

When the ShOeStrlng OF girl 81 years old
comes united, you may be very sure that it
was by accident; also that she will have to
tie it up pherself.-Somerville Journal.
The only apparent effect of advanced
civilization seems to be that children begin
to worry at an earlier age.-Atchison Globe.
Lady-How is this insect powder to be
applied? Assistant (absentmindedly)
Give 'em a teaspoonful after each meal,
madam.-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Twitter listening to phonograph)-
It's just like having your husband here at
home. isn't it? Wife-Mercy, no! Itneeds
an attachment to smoke, growl about the
dinner, lose hat, kick the dog and swear
to make it perfect. Chicago Inter Ocean,
A Chelsea man sent so cents to New York
to get some advertised directions telling
"how to avoid sunstrokes" When the di-
rections came, they read, "Never go out of
doors in the summer time excepting after
dark. ."-Somerville Journal
We have found out that some of the
dresses girls wear do not cost more than
cents yard. Some of the girls have way
of making these dresses look as if they cost
81 a yard at least.-Atchison Globe
Should actresses Inarry?" inquiries
Cincinnati paper. Of course. How could
they be divorced without it?-Kansas City
Journal.
McAtkins (very tiresome) )-Want to hear
something funny? Old Crusticus-No I've
heard it before.-Harlem Life.
When man takes partner in business
these days, it is an indication he wants
some one to divide expenses, not to divide
profts.-Atchison Globe.
Sunday is a good day for writing letters,
and Monday is good day to forget to mail
them.-New Orleans Picayune
Nodd-I would ask you up to my
house, old man, but my wife is busy max
ing pies for her archery club. Todd
What do they want pies for? Nodd-
Targets.-New York Herald.
When a man finds nice old fashioned
we'll. he also discovers that not long ago a
cat fell in it.-Atchison Globe
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Johnnie. it is the
soft answer that turneth away wrath.
Never raise your hand against boy you
dislike. Have you today? Johnnie-No,
ma'am. gave Tommie Taddles my new
ball bat to lick fellow for me.-Chicago
Inter Ocean.
1t never cOOlS a man off when the street
sprinkler throws water on him.-Atchison
Globe.
1t is difficult matter to fence in bow.
legged mamie always has an open gait OF
own.-Richmond Dispatch.
Preacher-Little boy, do you know where
you will go if you play ball on Sunday;
Little Boy-Yes, sir; to de baseball ground
Judge
A book agent attempted to sell Frank
ford politician an encyclopedia. ''Cyclo.
pedia?" exclaimed the Frankfort man
mo! don't want it. Wouldn't have time
to ride it. t"-Philadelphia Record.
When man gets to thinking that he is
indispensable to his employer, it is general
~ time to hire some one else to take his
place. Journal.
'Er man kin run inter debt" said Uncle
Eben, ''but when it comes ter gittin out he's
gotter crawl" l."-Washingto Star.
People who go to grand hotels have much
to put up with, and they who ride in crowd
ed street cars have to stand great DEAL
New Orleans Picayune.
Bacon-Does it take your wife long to
make up her mind when you ask if she
wants to go to the theater? Egbert-No;
it takes her longer to make up her face
Yonkers Statesman.
A West Walnut street man who told his
colored valet to get out what he needed
for ball was surprised when he found
a razor in the pocket OF his dress coat.-
Philadelphia Record.
So long as Sing Sing stands New York
needs no other monument to her public
men.-St. Louis GlObe-DemOcrat