davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22
HUMOROUS.

-'.Robbic," said the visitor kindly,
''havc. you any little brothers and Sis
ters?'' NO." replied Robbie solemn
ly,' I'm all the children we've GOT
Harlem Life.
Mo- she sobbed, II do not wish
to marry him. ''Then why not break
the engagelnent?': asked her mother.
tiff do, he'll want back his diamond
ring'.'-N. Y. Press.
Carleton - ''How did you enjoy
yourself at Mrs. Hamilton's last nisht?''
Observation-Disclosures there wasn't a
song or recitation sprung on us during
the entire evening '-Broolxlyn Eagle.
-Amis BILE Professor ito his servant)
For three weeks 1 have reminded
you every day to buy me Il notebook.
Henceforth I shall remind you Of it
only once II week. Batter.
-Seedy Samson-''You see, Your
honor, I was intoSicated with joy over
-- His Honor-"The intoxication
may have been of JOY, but the odor is
the odor Of alcohol. Thirty days.
Minneapolis Journal.
-:Uouser asked me up to take pot
luck with him last night, confound
him!' That's a strange way to speak
Of Il friends hospitality" Not much
it amt! I lost every blamed one
opened. buffalo Courier.
~ Dunno said Chloe. as she went
down into the kitchen. Il dunno
bout disher. / dun brolS free teacups
dis day. an hyah come de missus an
GIBBS me mushrooms to cook foh ma
dinner. "-Washington Star.
What your story needs" said the
critic, lis more atmosphere" "Wcll,
that goes to show that there's no pleas
ing everybody" said the discontinued
author ''The editor who read it last
says that it's too breezy. '-Washingt
Star.
On the Run.-Shc-t'That la st bat
tie of yours must have been a terrific
one, major" The Major-"1t was in
deed (proutl1y). 1 wish I might have
had u photograph of myself taken on
the field" She but they didn't take
instantaneous photographs them
Detroit Free Press.
First Youngster-'I'vc got a new
baby-brother what came from Heaven
last night Second Youngster-
That's nothin'. My little baby brother
went to Heaven yesterday First
Youngster collectively )-''Pctc, I be t
it's the same kid. ''-.Springtield Farm
and Home.
Out in Kansas d man was shot for
insisting on selecting some dress-stuff
for women who were shopping at the
counter where lie was purchasing
will take upon themselves to select
necl<ties for male relations, and the lat
ter will sometimes wear t1lem.-Even
ing Sun.
--''Excuse me said Wandering
Mike, as he paused at the kitchen door.
but hev We got amy work We want done
in exchange for cold vittles?'' Yes
was the prompt reply. All right. was
the reply. as IL turned away. Good
day What made you ask the ques-
tion?' ''Why, sometimes 1 meets men
, that wants ter work fur cold vittles,
am I'm so lsintl-hearted that j like ter
be able to tell 'eIn vher they kin be a C
eournerdated." -NVsshington Star.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

WOMEN ore now wearing undressed kit
for their slippers, yet for ages they have beer
wearing their slippers on the undressed kid
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

WHEN johnny was aroused from his
morning nap by his papa's heavy hand, ho
Understood what was meant by being
raped in slumber.-Boston Transcript.
PLEASANT, Wholesome, Speedy, for coughs
is Hale'e Honey Of Horehound and Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure IN one minute.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

Mrs. R.-tsChristopher darling, l ncve
can remember whethir soda water Is writ
ten as one word or two Joined together by
Syphon."
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

SHr--s'The other day visited the hous,
i was born in" He-ssIndeed. Is it still
standinga"-Brooklyn Life.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

"WHAr did the CALLERS say when sou tolt
them was ont?" Maid-sEJust smiled :.nt
said Fridays not always on unlucsy day.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

.'YouR yardstick is too short.'' Pcddler-
''Truc, but you will notice how thick it is
-Fliegende Blatter.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

The PRoplGAL's RE1uRS.-Irate Parent
CIV ell, sir, you don't soena to have made q
name for yourself, after all7'' Prodigal-
s'But have, father. I've been obliged to
travel under half q dozen different ones''--
Texas Siftings.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22
Copyright 1@4.l

What Is the
matter with the
country Z? That
is a thunderin
big question,
and I reckon
if one man was
to take the job
Of sendin in the
right and prop
err answer he
would need a
head as long as
n -four barrel,
as big as q ham
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

.Poon John! he wea a great hunter
'.Ycs; he even died game v'-Atlanta Coz
stitution.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

"ASD SO he has succeeded in getting en-
gagged to an heiress!" eyes, he is now her
af11nanced. Nv ashington Star
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22
The Heather Chineo

Is not q beauty. No more are you when
your complexion has an orange tint: That
evinced by discomfort on tho right side. sick
headache, vertigo, nausea end furred tongue.
HOStetter's Stomach BittcrS will take the
bile out Of your blood, regulate your bowels,
set your stomach in good working order-in
two words, cure you. Use it and cease to be
kidney trouble
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

TWO NENAGERIEs recently arrived in
Bologna, ono of which was under the nan
agement of Signor B., and the other under
that OF his wife, travelling respectively on
their own account. Here they decided to
join their forces. and the fact was an
the arrival of my wife, my collection Of liv-
ing animals is considerably augmented
B."-ConverSazione.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

FAruER-''He says that he loves you, but
have beea accustomed tor Daughter
even better, father dear, if You win Just
courages him. "-Chi cago Inter Ocean.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

t1THERE was a lovely lot OF fellows down
at the beach, said Jeanette. t'Why didn't
friend. II did; that's my engagement
ring" Why, NY dear, just let me co 2;
tits all of m. They dubbed together and
bought this solitaire. "-Harper's Bazar.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

On nbcrty! yvhat marriages. are repen ted
In thy name ~ ruth.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

If we could know all it would not be 30
hard to forgive all.-Rnm's Horn.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

evening he made the statement that he
would kiss me or die in the attempt" Belle
kiss sou, paSseh Read aid ns
account Of Jacks death in the papers, have
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

BEssIE-''The idea Of your saying that 70,
nre only twenty-onei" Gussio-tYou FOR
get mamma told us that it is always better t,
undcrrate than to cxaggerate.'-T
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

JAsPER-"Why are you roping up your
r rr%nk Ju%p arS eo FL have time 1e
and al the things have forgotten to put IT., in
his trunk is locked and roped.'-Harper's
Weekly.
"LEr me tell you, Mra. Thomas said q
aPy St ps $u;ss
stand your fSs1ings moi said San Mrs. a,:
cultural Ea Isl Show sSsSo on d n'o41 ''' @''
II TELL you, women are coming to the
fsSnt' said the W ;1 man
.'there was one in front Of me at The theater
last night, and never saw the stage once"
!: aESr-:.1 have called on the recommenda-
But should like to know f you can take
B,asse9 ami
On nbcrty! what marriages are repen ted
In thy name!-1 ruth.
hard to foreve n aRam m " Horn. not De 80
pa AT 70 he has in Fesns
Nv asiiington Star - " ''
av ,sss 2f yeSr
get mamma told us that it is always better to
underrate than to cxaggerate."-Trnth.
TIE higher little man is lifted, the
smaller he looks.-Ram's Horn.
THERE is much tenderness in this seem
finds it.-Gossip.
MEN care least for honor when most In
want of brcad.-Ram's Horn.
"PooR John he wes q great hunter"
Eyes; he even died game ?'-Atlanta Con
stitution.
.'EoCR yardstick Is too short.'' Pcddler-
''1ruc, but you will notice how thick it is"
-Fliegende Blatter.
them was onts" Maid@.sJust smiled and
said Fridays not always On unlucky day.
SHT-s'The other day visited the house
! was born in" He-'sIndeed. Is it still
standinga"- Life.
WOMEN orc now wearing undressed kid
for their slippers, yet for ages they have been
wearing their slippers on the undressed kid.
A1Rs. R-"Christophcr darling, l never
can remember whether tsoda water Is writ
ten as one word or two Joined together by Q
syphon."
THE PRoplGAL's REIuRS.-Irate Parent
s'Well, sir, you don't seom to have made q
name for yourself, after alla'' Prodigal-
''13ut have, father. I've been obliged to
travel under half q dozen different ones."-
Texas Siftings.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

BAnBER-'How do you want your hair
cut?" Customer-"OH.': - Harvard Lam
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

Halls C0t0rrh Cure
Is taken internally Price 75c.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

TIE higher n little man is lifted, the
smaller he looks.-Ram's Horn.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

| PAT's Objection to the aSicyclc-"B egor-
| "a! wnin walk prefer to have my feet on
| the ground. Boston Transcript.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22
KNOWLEDGE

Brings comfort and improvement and
rightly used. The many, who live bet
ter than others and enjoy life more, with
less expenditure, by more promptly
adapting the worlds best products to
the needs Of physical being, will attest
laxative principles embraced in the
remedy, Syrup Of Figs.
Its excellence is due to its presenting
in the form most acceptable and pleas
ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly
ative; efectually cleansing the system,
disPelling colds, headaches and feyers
II has given satisfaction to millions and
met with the approval of the medical
profession, because it acts on the Kid
neys, Liver aud Bowels without weak
ening them and it is perfectly free from
every Objectionable substance.
Syrup of Figs is for sale by all drug
gists in Soc and 81 bottles, but it is man
fractured by the California Fig Syrup
Co. crlv, whose name is printed on every
pack: e, Else .'c naInc, - up OF Figs,
sna bgzoe sell .s.tu- !ue-. you will not
accecG asy substitute II ,.,1red.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22
SQUIRE RUFUS SANDERS
9oatterin Opinions Gathered by
the sage Of Rocky Creek.

What II Aslln OF the Country and the Way
20 ReH,sdy the 0uaoshup-Porsonsl
Interviews With These Plata
Americas People.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

MEN care least for honor when most 1.
want of Ercad.-Ram's Horn.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

THERE is much tenderness in this seem
ingly cruel world, but the butcher rarely
finds it.-Gossip.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

GENT-t'1 have called on the recommends
ton OF u friend to have my portrait painted
But should like to know fl you can take
me in my fur coat" Artist-.'Oh, certain
ly. Fact is, you know, used to be IN ami
alal ainter."-Hum oristische Blatter.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

trunlxs You are not going away till to-mor-
row" Jumpuppe--.'So IN have time to
It. One never finds those things until after
his trunk is locked and roped."-Harper's
Weekly.
The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1894-12-22

But IaSf have snf heard so much sai1:
here of late to the extent that the
country is goin right on to the dogs and
the devil till put in to find somebody
that could tell what is the matter. I
have talked with various and sundry
different people and got various and
sundry different answers and opinions
in the case. Whereas I have finally at
last come to the conclusion that if there
is anything in particlar the matter with
the country the common ran OF other
people don't know much more about the
1vherefores and the whenceness thereof
than do. But ut any rates it can't do
no harm to give out the opinions IN
public as they have been give to mo in
private.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22
NEW YORK CONGRESSIONAL DEL
EGATION MOVES QUICKLY.

Washington, Feb. 1.-THE New York
delegation in congress is moving
quickly as a result of the rejection OF
Mr.. A. III. Peckham for the supreme
court bench, and already three promi-
nent New York men are being actively
canvassed. .--.
The New York delegation does not
want the recent discOrds over MesSrs.
HornbloWer and Peckham to result in
sending the appointment outside Of
New York state, but it is known that
the president nov considers the whole
country open to him from which to
select a justice
The names of New Workers being
aLJ assed for nomination are Judge
HeTrick, Of Albany, Judge Cullen, of
Brooklyn, judge of the supreme court,
and Judge LacOmbe, Il of the federal
court judges in New York.
In case the selection goes outside
of New York, the name of Representa-
tive Wilson is mentioned.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22
A GENIUS.

The genius of advertisement, work,
ing in the brain of a Brooklyn mer-
chant, has inspired a novel applica-
ton of the ancient sandwich man"
device. He has equipped a big New
foundland dog with sandwich boards
and turned it loose to wander at will
about the city streets. The dog is
usually large and handsome. Fastened
on its back is a white Oilskin coat,
fashioned like an ordinary dog blanket,
except that it is so long as to almost
sweep the ground, and painted there
on, in vivid colors, is an advertisement
of the business of the dogs owner.
The dog seems to know his business,
too. for he spends most Of his time
t~rotting up and down the shopping
district of Fulton street, where the
crowds are thickeSt. He is good-na-
tured and fraternizes with the child
rem who accompany the shoppers. ard
in many ways makes himself ON
spicuous and thus an efficient adver-
tiSement.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22

but turned on Ezekiel with a determi.
nation TO kill or be killed right there.
The boy fired upon him, tearing out
his side. and sending the blood all
about the fold, but the big wolf gave
no token of fright and rushed at his
enemy with Va furious yeu. Ezekiel
fired again, but the ball went far over
the creatures head and before he
could aim again the wolf had pinned
him down.
In falling the boy struck his head
against the doorsill, and for several
minutes was too dazed to take any
further part in the combat. The wolf
bent his head to worry the ~rerains.
as he thought, but Mr.. Butterneld.
crawling toward the two, secured Ze-
kleTS gun and put a couple of shots
in the animals body, but did not kill
him, as he had hoped to do. The wolf
Whirled sharply about and, stin stand
ing over Ezekiel, made a snap at the
other man, which Mr.. Butterield var
ried by getting to one side. He then
brought the gun down upon the crea-
lures skull, breaking the weapon
short off in the barrel and without
seeming to daze the wolf at all.
The latter now abandoned his pros
trate prey and ran at the ranchman,
who. being now undefended, resolved
to flee for his life. But his enemy
was too quick for him and was almost
upon him before he could reach the
door. However, near this exit Mr..
Butterfield found a brading iron such
as is used to mark cattle, and with
this formidable weapon the ranchman
prepared to finish up his dauntless
foe. Raising it in the air he threw it
directly into the face of the wolf, shat
tering the nasal bone and reducing
the entire muZzle to a mass of bloody
flesh.
With a shrek of agony the big wolf
rolled over on the floor, clawing at
the planks for something to apply to
the wound, and running up to him MI.
Butterfield brought down the iron once
more on his skull, this time breaking
it and killing the wolf. He now called
LIS Vile, anu lney succeeded IN re-
storing the unfortunate Ezekiel, and he
aided Mrs. Butterfield in getting the
ranchman to the house, for his feet
and limbs were in such a state as
to render walking a most painful and
perilous thing.
But though it was feared at first
that something serious might come of
the bites, the gentleman is rapidly re-
covering. Ezekiel. however, declares
that not for all the sweethearts in the
world would he leave the door of that
fold open again.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22
THE BEST COFFEE.

The whose noble ambition it
is to serve the most fi~nely-iavorcd
coffee will buy it green. Then she will
pick it over, wash we'll and drain just
enough to make the desired amount of
coffee at each making. The beans
should then be spread on a pie-plate
and Drowned evenly in the oven or
on the range. being stirred frequently
to prevent burning. When it is a
good brown, a small piece of butter
should be dropped in the pan and mix
ed with the beans to make them shine.
When the coffee is beaten to a powder
in a motar, after the Turkish fashion,
instead Of being ground, the flavor is
Incompatible.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22

Question. He spent his time and
money in futile graspings at the mighty
and the un~attainable. Six times were
his debts paid from the civil list: but
with the downfall of Napoleon all his
resources vanished save the pension of
6,Otp francs a year. The last decade
of his life he spent at Pontoise, and
there he died, declaring that "Coessin
had solved all the problems Of the
epoch and of the future" Coessin was
a forgotten idealist who hourished
when Leon was a boy.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22
TARIFF BILL PROGRESS.
Hope that It Will Go to the Senate
This Week.

Washington, Feb. 1.-THE senate
subcommittee on tariff held a pro
tracted session today. 1t is impossible
to ecu detailed information, but it
is known that the committee is max
ing every effort to get the bill into
shape for presentation to the full COM
mittee Tuesday next.
Secretary Carlisle spent some time
with the subcommittee this morning
discussing the administrative features
of the bill. The committee is of the
opinion that if the bill can be made
to insure $3.50, 100000 per annum at
present that that sum can be made
to serve the purpose.
The democratic members express an
opinion that the bill will be presented
to the senate the latter part Of next
week.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22

something on the beach. They were
near enough to hear my fall and one
Of them shouted:
Here he is, Bill; we've got him.;
Wen fix him now"
l thought about as the burglar did,
but as l tried to get up L found 1 was
in a boat drawn half way up OF the
sand.
[ almost shouted with joy when l
made this discovery. 1t vas their
boat, and once in it and on the water
| was safe! BY this time 1 could hear
their footsteps along the shore, which
was quite rocky and rough here, ex-
cept the little bit of beach where the
boat lay, and they could not make such
Roadway as | did, as they did not know
the way through the rocks.
But they were coming fast enough
and curSing at every step, and with
the energy of despair | caught the
boat in my arms, and with Il wild
strain I tried to shove it into the
water. But it would scarcely bulge.
Again and again l tugged; the blood
almost bursting through my ears by
the eXertion, and the skin tearing from
my hands and bare arms.
So near 1 thought to safety and still
the danger increasing every second,
then as I heard an oath, more wicked
than the others, as one of the burglars
fell over a stone, / felt the boat move,
and a little wave rolled in and lifted it.
81 that with one more lift it slid off
into deep water. | jumped in, caught
the oars, and as the burglars dashed
down through the darkness to where
they heard the noise. the boat shot
out into the water and I was safe.
They might have shot me from the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22

The $4,000 voted for a motor line
at Council Bluffs must be returned,
SO says Judge Deemer.
Two feet of snow covers much OF
New England.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-22
Mr.. JUSTICE WHITE
CLEVELAND NAMES THE LOUISE
ANA SENATOR.
END OF THE GREAT STRUGGLE
IN THE SENATE.

Nomination Confirmed Without the
Formallty Of a Reference TO Com
mlttee-Important Part in the Pro
ceeding Played by Senatorial
Courtesy.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1894-05-04

The New York Independent says
editorially: while it would be
inexpedient ordinarily for ministers
Of the gospel to embark in politics
or undertake as leaders to run po-
litical campaigns, no minister
should deem his duties as citizen
Cancelled or modified by the fact
that he is a public preacher Of the
gospel. He is still a citizen, and
the rights and duties Of his civil
status belong to him. If he prays
for good government, as he certain
ly should, then he is equally bound
to preach as he prays. He owes it
to his country and to his God to be
a politician to this extent. Some
one has said, Il feel contempt for
the man who prays like an angel
and then votes like a devil. 1t is
their business to denounce and re-
sist corruption and do all they can
to make politics purer and better"
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1894-05-04

The United States Of America
leads the world in the expenditure
of money for the maintenance Of
schools. An interesting compila-
ton has just been published which
makes public some facts not gener-
ally known. Italy expends every
year $50, 100000 for her soldiers
and less than $4,0OO,OOO for her
schools. In Spain it costs $780,
600, 600 to maintain the army and
only 81 100000 to educate the
children, but then il is the excep-
ton to find a Spanish farmer who
can read or write. Germany boasts
Of being in the foremost rank among
the nations in the kulturkamp Of
the world, yet she spends $lS5, ,WO,- :
OJO on her army, while $4,000
600 is deemed sufficient for the ed
ucation Of her children. France
maintains an army at an expense
Of $15l 100000 and supports her
schools with 1000, 900. The
United States expends $4,000, 900
for public schools, while the army
and navy cost only $54 600, ,OOO.-
kalama Bulletin.