davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14

Leona Edmonds, aged 3 years, died at
Bay City, Mich. under suspicious circum-
stances The coroner held a post norton
EXAMINATION Death was caused by an
abscess In the bowels. produced by swal-
lowing brass button six weeks ago. The
child's life vas insured for s2a
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Sauce for Goose, Sauce for Camden.

Sauce for Goose, Sauce for Camden.
"May," said her husband as they
prepared to 90 out calling. do you
really mean to use these calling cards
with your name spelled Mae Kathryn
Alys Smith,"
Il certainly do" replied Mrs. May
Catherine Alice Smith.
"very we'll. then, said her husband,
firmly, 1 am with you, and he polite
ly presented her with card neatly in
scribed:
Jorge Phrederyc Albyrt Smith.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Both Boats Sunk.

News has been received from Alexandria
Bay. St Lawrence River. that the ste amer
Ocean collided with the barge Kent Both
boats sunk. Two passengers are missing.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Twentx Mem Reporfed Drowned.

Brighton Colo dispatch: The indus
trials arrived one or two boat loads at \
time all the early part OF Thursday night
There we're several boats capsized. and II
the men landin. are 10 be believed there
are not less than twenty drowned. Two
bodies have been brought In 1t Is impos-
sible TO give names of those lost as they
were all known by nicknames and survive
ors are too much excited with their adven-
lures to tell even their nicknamea
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Ia troubled with kidney Disease.

Congressman Jerry Simpson. wso IL TAX
ing the baths at Berkeley Springs. w. Va,
for his health, Is much worse His rheu-
matism seems better, but serious kidney
disease has appeared and his recovery is
despaired Of
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Got Into Trouble by Going Back.

J. l. Lewis, who was sent from Sioux
City, Iowa. to the peniten tiary q year ago
for Matchmaking by threats to publish
sensational stories In paper conducte by
him. returned TO the city q few days ago
and undertook to resume the publication
of his paper He Vas promptly arrested
on six old indictments for blackmail. and
signed an acknowledg ment Of guilt In each
case. He will be sentenced in August
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
DOINGS OF CONGRESS.
MEASURES CONSIDERED AND
ACTED UPON.

AZ the Nations Capital = what Il Bsans
Done By the Senate and Houss-Old lgas-
tsrs Disposed or and New Ones Consid-
cred.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14


Run = Rsnk Herssy - A Change,
Etc Etc.
THE REASON WHY.
He loves to rise at early dawn
When others love to lie.
This is the finest time for him,
Because he is fly. Judge.
DURING THE HOME RUN.
He heard not the coacher's yelling,
Nor needed the captains call.
For the centre field he was whistling,
"After the ball."
RANK HEREsY.
Jess--Reverend DIR. Thirdly does
not officiate at Society weddings any
more; the girls have turned him
down.
Bess-Since when?
Jess-Since his sermon on Put
not your trust in Princes. ~ Puck.
A CHANGE.
Mistress-Not going to marry that
sweep after all. Jane? Why, !
thought it was all settled.
Jane-So it was, mum; but the
fact is, ! saw him with clean face
for the first time last night, and /
can't marry him. You've no idea
how ugly he is when he's washed,
num- Philadelphia Life.
Pickly-What's that derrick in
front Of your house for?
Munson-Don't know? MY wife
must be baking biscuit.
ON THE WAY.
us my article in the soup?" in
quired the good natured litterateur.
mot yet" replied the editor, "but
I'm going to boil it down pretty
soon. "-[Washington Star.
QUICK RECOVERY.
She-I am so surprised to see you
out after your sudden illness.
He-What do you mean?
She-Why, they told me after the
dinner the other night you had to be
carried home.-[Truth.
WHEN WORDS FLOWED FREELY.
Ethel think Clara Perkins has
the largest vocabulary and the great
est eloquence of any woman l know.
Isabel-Why, she never says a
word during club discussions.
Ethel-No; but you should hear
her talk to her eanary.-lJudgo.
TOP OF THE LIST.
There goes man who leads in
letters"
"Ah, indeed! What's his manner"
"a. A. Adams. Truth.
POOR BARGAIN.
Jess-I'l: give you penny for your
thoughts.
Chappie-I was thinking Of myself.
Jess-Well, that's the usual way
with bargains.
1T WOULD BE A GIVE AWAY.
Dags-I see they have at last de-
ciphered the Hittite hieroglyphics,
supposed to be 1000 years old.
Wags-Really? / hope there are
none Of my jokes among them.
UNPRoFEssIoNAL OPINION.
In the studio of a professional
painter before his latest picture.
"Well, what do you think of it?"
I'm the first place, ought to
tell you, sir, that / am no judge"
Never mind, let us have your
opinion"
ITO tell the truth, II think it
splendid"
There, you see what capital
Judge you are !"-[La Figaro.
AT OLD POINT COMFORT.
Penelope Peachblow-Great Heav-
ems, Cholly Chapleigh looks as though
he were wearing secondhand clothes.
Dickey Doolittle with awe)-He is.
They were the Duke OF Worcester
shire's once, and he is so stuck up
about them that he won't speak to us
fellahs any more.
HIS WEAK SPOT GONE.
"Chappie and wilkins had . dis
pute at the club the other night, and
Chappie got so excited he lost his
head"
dear me, how fortunate! Chap
pies head was his only weak spot"
Il Harper's Bazaar.
A BIBLIOPHILE.
Hes very intellectual and litera-
ry, isn't he?"
why do you think SOP"
HE told me he never felt himself
till he Was snugly ensconced in his
library"
"Well, you see. his folding bed is
q bookcase. Judge.
TWO POINTS OF VIEW.
EIueh1v-Tt Ia easv IN acuuira a
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Paid for Resistance with His Life.

Constables Higgins and Gallup. of Aus
tin, Pa. endeavored TO serve a warrant
upon James spicer. Of Gaieton. for illegal
selling of liquor spicer shot Higgins In
the neck. Higgins returned the FIRE, kill
ing spicer instantly.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14

'Esrs AND YARNS ~ FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.

The Reason Why During the Home
Run - Hank Herssy - A Change
Etc Etc.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
rhe National 0ama.,

The clubs Of the National and Western
Leagues stand - follows In the champion
ship Pacet
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Visible Supply of Grain.

The visible supply Of grain, as compiled
By the New York Produce Exchange, IL az
follows: Wheat 50, 3os. 900 bushels; de-
crease, 1895. 900 bushels Corn. 7,496. 900
bushels; decrease 152. 900 bushels Oats,
2.606, 00J bushels; decrease. $4,000 BUSH
ela Rye, 252. 900 bushels; decrease, $4,000
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14

The Pennsylvania Company gets its
ties from West Virginia.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Can Catch No Bride.

Prince Andre Poniatowski has sailed
from New York for la belle France sadly
disappointed man. The Prince came to
America on fishing trip. His bait was q
title. and he hoped to catch On American
heiress. His name was associated with
several young women OF wealth, but they
threw him over one after another The
Prince has had the proverbial fsherman's
luck. and like his prototype he may tell
his cronies at home wonderful stories of
the fish that he didn't land.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Ton KILLED, Fifteen Hurt.

Advices from Tuxpan, Mexico. state that
q terrific windstorm passed over the viii
IaRe of Yahualica, about seventy miles
back In the country. last week. destroy ing
. number Of store buildings and dwellings
and killing ten persons and wounding
fifteen Others
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Bill Dalton Killed.

Bill Dalton, outlaw, train robber, bank
robber. and the leader of the Longview
raid. IL dead. He died as he always said
he would. with his boots on and six
shooter In his banda The encounter oc-
Cured three miles southw west OF Elk. l. T,
Friday morning. The officers who killed
Dalton sent the following telegram TO the
Unites states Marshal at Paris Texas:
@Havs got one OF the Longview bank rob-
bers He was killed while resisting ar
rest Positive proof he Is Bill Dalton.n
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Killed by the Explosion Of a Boiler.

At New Haven. Conn the boiler OF the
tug Rambler exploded. wrecking the boat
completely. Fred Weller. the cook. Is
missing. and is supposed to be dead.
william Weimer, the engineer, Is badly
scalded.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14

Employer-Want to marry my
daughter, chr And next. ] suppose,
you'll want your salary raised 30
that you can support herl
EmpIoyee-Oh, no sir ! shall
expect you to support us BOTH
Kate Fields Washington.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
Four Miners Shot.

The truce is ended aud again the
armed deputies in the Pennsylvania coke
region have made killing One striker
killed In his boots. two others dying. and
fourth shot through is the result Of the
battle Sunday morning at Lemont There
were six deputies on one side and mob Of
strikers on the other. Unbiased testi-
mony is that the mob not only provoked
but compelled the deputies to are on them
after the strikers had compelled them to
retreat and had fred several shots at them
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14
BUSINESS Is BETTER.

slight Improvement Noted-Trade Condi-
lions.
4 @. Dun Co.'S Weekly Review Of
Trade says:
The outlook for business seems q little
better on the whole, though the improve
ment 10 not great Moreover. IL Is impos-
sible TO distinguish between mere replace
ment OF orders cancelled Cor want OF fuel os
other causes and the new business for
which worxs are anxiously looking IL ir
somewhat encouraging that the decrease
In payments through clearing houses is
but "a per cent for the first week OF
June. 81 at New York, but only 10 else-
where. The decrease In comparison with
1892 Is about 30 per cent Railroad ton
mage Is larger than n year ago In live
stock and moderate In cereals, but consid-
erably smaller In coal aud iron prod ucts
and In other manufactured goods west
bound. Speculation In products has
turned toward higher prices, and wheat
has risen cents With an Official State re-
port OF injury In Kansas, which is high
favored
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14

Young Wife-Jchn, dear, I'm so
glad you are coming home to dinner.
Now / am going to make pie for
you by my own self.
John (nervously)-Very we'll. dear,
mind you do, but not too much crust,
you know. / never touch pie crust.
Young Wife-All right, Johnny,
then the pie shall be extra nice inside,
with lovely gravy.
John Crying to speak cheerfully)-
Yes, darling, but don't put too much
inside. you know. i never eat the
inside Of pies, and / don't care much
for gravy.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06
TRULY A SERIOUS CASE

Once I was assistant to an elderly
doctor in Ontario, who also a a drug
store. He vas as peppery as a cayenne
pod, and from time to time customers
and patients had sprung jokes on him,
Just for the sake of hearing him
blow off.
On one occasion a well-dressed fell
low called at the shop and asked the
doctor to prescribe for a breaking out
and a rash on his left arm. The doc
tor examined the limb and pronounced
it to be a bad case of psoriasis and
eczema.
81 suppose, doctor, you can ure itl"
said the patient.
"Why, certainly, " replied the doctor.
How long will it take to get welli'
"Oh, I guess about two months"
says the doctor.
"Ouite sure, sir-is it a bad casei"
positively the worst I've SEM"
'sThen l will leave it with you and
call again when cured, " solemnly said
the patient, slowly understanding his
arm. which was an artificial one, and
painted for the occasion Chemist and
Druggist.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06
Eli PERKINS ON WOMAN SUI
FRAGR.

A very dirty, debased and ignorant
looking nan came in to vote in atowA-
ship in Michigan.
II wish you would oblige us BY
voting this ticket" said Susan D.
Anthony, who was standing at the
polls.
"What kind of a ticket is that"
asked the man.
"Why," said Miss Anthony, "yeu
can see for yourself"
But I can't read" he answered.
"WhatI can't you read the ballot
you have there in your hand, which
you are about to vote9" exclaimed Miss
Anthony.
mo-" said he, ct can't read at all. y
"Well," said the gifted lady, this
ballot means that you are willing to
let the women as we'll as the men
VOTE"
"Is that itG" he replied, "then I don't
want it; the women don't know enough
to vote. PERKINS Letters.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06
OTIS NE, JESUS"

At a religious meeting In the south
of London q timid little girl wanted.
to be prayed for; she wanted to come
to Jesus, and she said to the gentleman
conducting the meeting:
will you pray for me in the meet
ing, please9 But do not mention my
name"
In the meeting that followed, when
every head was bowed and there was
perfect silence, this gentleman prayed
for a little girl who wanted to come 70
Jesus. and he said:
20 Lord, there is a little girl who
does not want her name known, but
Thou dost know her; save her precious
soul, Lord"
There was a perfect silence, then
away in the back Of the meeting a
little voice said:
please, it's me, Jesue-it's mef'
She did not want to have a doubt.
She meant it. She wanted to be savee,
and she was not ashamed to rise IN
that meeting, little girl as b was,
and say;
ut is me, Jesus-it's me. "-Ea.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06

graves, till n by one laws made IN
tne interest of a favored few are abol.
lshed, till one by one the threads OF
love and equality bind a common
brotherhood, a common humanity In
one grand union of prosperity and
greatness. And not till then will we
lay our arms down or weep for more
worlds to conquer. There is a great
amount of work to be done right now
Dy all true reformers. There is coming
one of the greatest upheavals this
country has ever seen and it will be
well to be prepared for this. Our enc
mics are now marshallipg their hosts
and getting ready for the fray. Let
us not get weary in well doing but toll
on and hope on till we can sing OF
harvest home. And this is not very
far off. l can almost hear the echoes
OF the jubilant anthems now. I give
our people-God bless them-a word
OF cheers for what they have already
done. Only a few years since we pan
dered to the mugWump politicians, we
trusted u destiny in their hands, and
they nearly bankrupted US; but I'm
glad the people are aiming in the glory
OF their might and coming over to the
principles which are intended to bless
them.
fro RE CONTTNUFn
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06
A GIRLS COMPOSITION ON BOYS

Boys is men that have not got as big
as their papas, and girls is young
women that will be young ladies by
and by.
Man was made before women.
When God looked at Adam He said
to Himself, "Well, I guess I can do
better than that if l try again." and
then he made Eve.
God liked Eve SO much better than
he did Adam, that there have been
more women in the world than men
ever since.
Boys r a trouble. They are very
wearin' On everything but soap.
If I could have my way, half the
little boys in the world would be dolls.
Ny papa is SO nice to me, that 1
guess he must have been a girl when
he was a little boy.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06

the other boats, thus overlooking them
and Gripping their efficiency. He
smashed boat No. 8, but he was bleed
ing as ~copiously as though par icipat
ing In an athletic club glove contest.
He was getting feeble, but he had q
black roof in his mouth and an Abdal-
lab stripe down his back and refused
to say enough The boys in the re
naming boat were hand ing their guns
with about the same care as a police
man, and my sweet life was in danger
In more ways than a dozen. Above
all the roar and rios it seemed to me as
though he could hear the shouts Of the
people on the shore, and I felt certain
that / could hear the dulcet tones of
my beloved Hannah.
1.-THE line which had connected the
harpoon and the boat had parted and
about 200 fret Of MANILA hawser
squirmed and wriggled snake like
around In the seething sea. The whale
didn't seem to observe my attitude, and
continued his attention upon the two
remaining boats. The hand harpoon
had been showed into the right place
and the whale was blowing his last.
A column of blood was being squirted
skyward and the scarlet blood fell over
me, dyeing me a CORY hue. A few
feeble swashes of the tail and keeling
motion as though he was going to lie
IN his side announced that the fish was
dead. The rope that foated from my
harpoon was picked up, and the whale
and his rider we're towed to shore.
"O1r catch was dashed alongside the
pier, and the next day we went to work
at the carcass. The fish was 60 feet 81
inches long, and the proceeds from the
sales of his oil, bone, and other valu-
ables were So, 500. I will never forget
my experience with that whale off
Morehead, N. O."
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06
THAT coNuNpRuM.
It Causes HOstilities to Break out Again
in the Sanctum.

IL Sauses HOst1lities to Break out Again
in the Sanctum.
"Why is a river like the science Of
pugilismG" casually inquired the Chic
ago Tribune exchange editor.
Because it's a case of bluff on both
sides" promptly responded the inan-
cial editor. That's an easy one.
Why is a"
Don't be in such a hurry. You
haven't guessed it yet"
The financial editor looked vaguely
around as if for a weapon of some
kind.
Then it's because it gets pretty lew
down." he said, land when it can't
make a raise it has to dry up. Why
is"
'That won't do either"
Isn't that the right answers"
THAT isn't within four counties
of it."
THE trouble with your conundrums
is, they're too far fetched"
How do you know. You haven't
fetched this n yet. Whose conuR-
drum is it, anyhow
"You to be trying to shoulder
it off on me-"
"Well, if you can't answer it"
II can, though. Because the public
any profanity about itF".
"No."
Because if there is I won't have
anything to do with it."
THAT isn't the correct answer,
either"
The financial editor glared at him
and reached for his cane, but re-
strained himself with a violent effort.
Because" he said, trying it once
more, because it runs mills-no, that
won't do. Because when it gets full it
always has more sand than when it"
"You give me the earacher"
"Well, if you think nobody else
knows anything about it suppose yOu
answer it yourself"
Because it all runs to mouth"
And the enraged bystanders inter
fered.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06
ITO BE CONTINUED.
ALLEGED FUN.

Mald-servant-Professor, O profes-
sor! just think, 1 have swallowed a
pin. Absent minded Professor-Never
mind; here is another one.
Precise maiden aunt Crying to amuse
Kate, who has come to spend the day.
= Oh, see pussy washing her facel'
Infant with scorn)-''She's not wash
ing her face. She's washing her feet
and wiping them on her face"
Bert don't see any use in this
Geography lesson" Mattie-"Why,
you goosey, it's of the greatest use. 1t
tells you where to go when you can't
get there, and describes the country
and all that. If we had no geography,
we'd get lost all over the world" -
Harper's Young People.
A fly had fallen into the inkwell of a
certain author who writes a very bad
and very inky hand. The writer's
little by rescued the unhappy insect
and dropped him on a piece of paper.
After watching him intently for a
while, he called to his mother and re-
quested her to come to him for a min
ute: "Here'sa a ejercated fly, mamma"
he said. He writes just like papa"
A gentleman travelling on the Great
Northern railway, having deliveredlug-
gage to the care of a porter, made him
self comfortable in the corner of a car
PinOrn Tho Mortar Onno fn tho Rorrio 90
for the reward of merit" "Well, "
said the gentlemen, Il see by the let
ters G. N. R. on your cap, Gratuities
never received" "A little mistake,
sir, replied the porter. "IE should be,
Gratituites refused"
Great Statesman (after being called
out of bed at 2 o'clock, a. m, and
submitting to a long iterview on 1.-THE
Tariff and iss Tinkers' N a cold ROOM
And now, may 1 ask, my young
friend, if you will kindly send me
twenty copies of this interview when
it appears in the great daily which
you so ably representations Y. +.
(briskly)-''O, this amt for no paper!
You see I belong to the School of Jour
nalism and had orders to practice on a
rush interview with some we'll known
politician, 80 I just came to 9 you.
Much obliged sir, good morning, sirF'
Truth.
Said the wise man, ga soft answer
turneth wrath" A lady who believed
in this precept said to her four-year
old Nellie, who is somewhat quick
tempered. IF one Of your playmates
speaks rudely to you, return a soft
answer" "Soft4" eyes. Now run along
and play; mamma is busy" The child
went out on the lawn, where a neigh
boris boy was mending a kite. She
accidentally broke the kite still more,
whereby the boy was made angry. Il
don't like you; you're a horrid thing!'
he said. Little Nellie's eyes flashed,
and she was about to reply with a very
unkind remark, when, suddenly re
calling her mothers advice about a
soft answer, she looked the boy right
in the eye, and said meekly and slowly,
''Mush."
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06
SPONTANEOUS AMEN.

cto UN]y thing occurred at one of the
Nv ivy Churches last Wednesday night at
grr; as6'tar weekly prayer meeting
ono '7' -Four unmarried ladies sat in
Fros S@'' ranging in age from thirty
Oa,... 70 forty years, and we're ap-
IN, y cp!y Interested in the meet
p9 NJ o4e Of the brethren was called
". to pray and did 50. In the course
"Nor~t vocation, the brother said:
there Ara L2fd, Thou knowest that
a not ca9l 10 look after them: wilt T T@T1
Sc9m.orC them9S ~ VIII Inou
arDet u the ladies gave the church
loot sn5 a vigorous Stamp with her
Geaused" ed sand amen" SO loud that il
@Ok aronn ,J'y cody in the church to
Ouno Charlotte News.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-03-06

WHEN, WHO, ETC.

-, r Buchanan Readi
Pr what did Ed EliEur Wright
wat T Tbrre did E Z. hoe'
Hardy nowadays
o ride Rider Haggssra Oscar pc Wilder
Is Nine dETard Everett H"leF
c+arneP was Herman GIimmi
Nas LalITTTn.Trd Young2 John GGy,
Was N swift snd old 9oH5
~Jonat,nStbPy was Thomas UrA!'
DrovpY and is J.. R. Greene
Chief JusIjGGoo r ID. BlackmOreP
B.WNlGt TIemOn7 h. X WINTER
Francis Bacon lean IN streaAs
John LuckLrHnS6 given to the penn
Mss HToSSmnb's Tales sold to-d@Sf
Mares Dodge just in timer
Did NSIT6 Warner? HOWE
DID - did ARJreW MarVell sOt
AID 4FdEard Whymper noWF
si.sd did Rose Terry Cooker
FbbsLp GicPSsrd Boyle besider
ia5 make Max AKenslueF
r,om,sT ickell-iGh at ALP
We, IRRiScbsrd Steele. l aSkI
PG "a has &c rye A. Sala suA"
Tel I William Ware q masKE
Cabot Lodge at home?
Does hf Tnyre ToOke what and Whenr
JOnLa on cumming? Has 1t. W.
uH4gLIooTT his fir ends AGAIN.
ss0IIeGuG r III p. Rollins, in |O0d Housekeeping.
HUI