The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1894-05-16
Mr.. Mugs. His Portrait.

A prominent citizen rushed wildly in
to the editorial Office Of an illustrated
provincial paper the other day and sAy-
agely demanded to see the editor.
~What name, sir27 inquired polite as
sistant.
Mugzs-J. B. Muggsw stOrmed the
visitor, and as he appeared on the verge
Of having fit, the assistant hastened to
conduct him to the editors room, where
there was nice soft rug, on which he
could comfortably kick and scream his
fit out.
~Sir," exclaimed the prominent citizen
glaring at the editor, in this weeks
number producing il Of your paper you
have monstrosity supposed 70 be Por-
trait, and underneath it is my name-J.
B. Mugs. Now, ask you, is there the
slightest resemblance between this PEN
ny show and MYSELF"
The editor looked at the portrait and
then calmly scanned his visitor.
mo, sir, there is not the slightest re-
semblance," he candidly admitted. "The
man in this portrait has a straight nose,
whereas your nose is only straight-pas-
sibly so-for about quarter Of an inch
and then il wobbles all over your face,
ending with despairing appeal to the
SKY. And this man has fine, high,
marble-like forehead. Your forehead be
gins too late and ends too soon, and looks
as if a mole had been at work under
meath it. Again"
"Sisl" interrupted the prominent cit
izen Dlusteringly, "how dare you"
Let me finish, please" interpOsed the
editor, with an authoritative air. again,
this mans eyes are alike-perfect twins /;
one Of your eyes appears to have been
better fed than the other; anyway it is
twice as large as the other. Perhaps you
chew more on one side Of the face than
you do on the other. That might account
/ for il. And this man has a beautiful
mouth the lips form what l believe Is
called Cupid's bow. Now your mouth
is like a slit in chiid's money box. Ey-
er had child'en try to drop pennies in p
he asked facetiOusly. "No, sir, though
your name is underneath this portrait, it
is no more ike you than pearl is like a
tadpole."
Then how is it my name Is under
meath it. you insulting ink-waster ?" ask
ed the prominent citizen ferociOusly.
"Well, replied the editor, ~our artist
took a sketch Of you when you were
making a speech in public the other day.
Now, cur artist, like most artists, IS pas
sionately fond of the beautiful; and I
can only suppose that his pencil positive
" refused 70 portray your features. and,
in q way, unconsciOusly produced the
the handsome man that appears in cur
paper. It was very wrong for our artist
TO append your name to it, just to save
himself further trouble Why, you're a
libel on the portrait, sir" exclaimed the
editor, with seeming indignation. I'm
afraid" he continued musingly, "we can
not exactly prosecute you for libel; but
think you ought 70 write letter Of apol-
ogy-Of codrse, strictly speaking it is our
fault, but it would look better for the
apology 70 came from you-to the public,
which ven gladly print, for your name
az pearing under the portrait Of q
strikingly handsome man, when, in real
ty, you are about as strong al argument
in favor Of the Darwinian theory as ever
I set my eyes on. VIII you write the let
ter Of apology, sir?" asked the editor,
holding out q pen.
But the prominent citizen, after eyeing
the editors stalwart proportions stamped
downstairs, muttering the threats Of ven
geance that he was afraid TO put int ex-
ecution.
- It doesn't do 10 humor people regard
ing their portraits" soliloqIizsd the edi
tor. They are too ,Ouchy over them as
it is, and wan. taking down a peg or
two"