The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1894-02-07
N THE OLD MYTHOLOGY.
''Tuscumbia" Discusses Pan and
Traces Much Trouble to Him.
Jan. %.


Dear Howards-Pan was built on a
decidedly novel plar. He was half hu-
man and half goat. The lower half
was principally goat. therefore he re-
quired entirely different food from circus
posters and obsolete tomato cans. But
he never ran up bill at the shoe
makers.
When Pans mother first saZed upon
him her lustrous orbs sufused with tears;
great lamentations arose in the silent
night watches and she feelingly remarked
that she never dreamed that one of her
children would pan out such a hideOus
creature. And yet Pan had his wor-
shippers. and refused repeated offers. big
with ducats, TO travel with a side show
Of a circus. Pan was looked upon by
the inha bitants of Greece as the god who
watched over herds and herdsmen. 1t
was natural that Pan and Greece should
affiliate. We often see pan and grease
associated in modern days. Pan was
warm disciple of Terpsichore. He was
passionately fond OF dancing, and was
frequently seen shaking the light fam
tastic on the grassy mead, keeping time
to music furnished by himself on mus
ical instrument of his own invention.
This instrument was a reed pipe of Gu
rious origin. A nymph named SyrinN.
whom Pan loved and followed, was
transformed into a reed which Pan con-
verted into a pipe with his jack-knife
and Immediately commenced playing
1.-The Girl l Left Behind Me" This reed
instrument was on exhibition several
days in the window of
enc of our principal Main-st
stores Pan became such
skinful player on this pipe that he chal-
lenged Apollo. who was the boss flute
player of his time to a trial for the
championship. The challenge was &C
cepted, end on the day for the trial all
the inha bitants, save those who were en-
tirely deaf either fled TO the woods or
visited their relatives in the next town,
twenty miles distant.
The Judge selected to decide upon the
merits of the players was Midas, q king
Of Lydia; Lydia's last name is not given.
Midas. after hearing the parties play,
thought he Midas would award the
prize TO Pan. In consequence Of this de-
cision Apollo reyenged himself by caus-
ing MidsSs ears 20 grow long like those
of a mule The following week the so
cialists nominated him for congress.
Apollo, by the way was hugely jealous
Of his reputation as an artist on the
nute Because a gentleman named Ma
royaS boasted that he could surpass
Apollo in the art OF playing on that in
strument he was punished by being
f1ayed alive He never boosted after
that and the sorrow caused by his death
was not very widespread Maroyas's
neighbors slept more hours at nights
after his decease. The word panic. some
thing we have frequently enjoyed under
republican rule and now experience in
all it's depressing intenSity-the sublime
grandeur and outgrowth OF the McKin-
ley tariff law and other righteous enact
ments Of the surplus-gra bling. pharisai-
cal. eXtravagant, shrewd and exceed
ingly crafty g 0. D., ever vigil
liant aler. and on the watch
tower to deceive the oft-deluded people
and regain the scepter of state) was in
vented by Pan. Once upon time
party of travellers. meeting the forest god
in lonely wood. suddenly grew weak in
the knees and their eyes increased in
size. one more bold than the rest.
asked him his name. Pan had been
looking on old bourbon when il sting
eth like a lightning calculator and was
immensely elevated. My name. HE
replied the god, lis Pan-hic" "Panicw
echoed the travellers IN chorus, and fed
i'm terror. although there was no cause
for alarm. Sometimes the goat part Of
Pans nature would get the better OF
the human portion and he would go out
I'm the field or down TO Shentytown and
butt a regulation William goat all around
a ten-acre lot.
During the war with the Titans Pan
rendered important service to the gods
by the invention or a trumpet made Of
a sea-shell, which made such a hideous
noise that the Titans became panic
stricken and hurried away from there.
II was a perfect Bull Run skedaddle
The accordion was not yet invented or
Pan would have been saved the trouble
of converting shell into a trumpet
Under the inspiring strains of &C
cordeon the Titans would have made
much better time i'm striking for their
affairs and their fires. If any OF Pans
family are still living and feel that we
bave presented their relative in a false
light. that this version does not pan out
az much panegyric to the square inch as
they, aSpected let them give me cali
th,,nDean serenade Friend "Tycho,"
vour cordial shake Is reciprOcated,
and although not a member of your
household. ] extend greetings and a
nrosnerous New Year 10 all the How
ards oh. We highly favored children of
earth. radiant with the crimson hue of
health and happiness. and human forms
divine. replete with herculean vigor. re-
member tits now the winter of discon-
tent and depression 10 multitudes away
down in poverty's wales
Keen II uppeImost in your thoughts
that visions Of the crowded poor houses
greatly disturb the serenity of their
slunnbers and that editors also IanglIish
under the calamitious radical reflection.
and that small favors will be thankfully
received and larger ones in proportion
7 have reserved few sinners. for dire
emergencies. and as ] cannot with any
degree Of complacency be alienated from