The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1894-12-29
4 z BARRYs ADVICE.


self Like II Co iledtaD sS Frfenus
mo, sir, never again win / attempt to
advise anyone. not even upon the most
simple question Of life remarked VIII
lam Barry, the comedian, to a young man
who came to consult him upon the adj
visibility of going upon the stage.
Were you not a bit unrelenting on the
young aspirant for footlight fame?" some
one asked.
well. If you had passed through the
terrible ordeal which I have, trying to
pose as an advisory benefactor, you
wouldn't think ,so.s'
Upon being pressed for the story he
gave it as follows:-
During my New York engagement a
young friend of mine called on me with
a tale Of love. pride, hatred and all
around complications that would have
taxed the thinking powers of an intel
~leotual giant, but which to my undiplo-
matte mind seemed as simple IS taking
your foot off a tack.
"It seems that the young gentleman
was engaged to be married to a beauti-
full girl up on Columbus avenue, and had
secured the fathers consent to the mar
riage, whereupon the engagement was
Immediately made public. A few even
ings later, following upon the heels Of
the announcement, my young friend en-
gagged in a game Of billiards with his
f1ance's brother, who stands six feet, and
is an amateur boxer. The game resulted
in a quarrel, which was temporarily ter
minated by the young lover tossing a mug
of ale in his a~dversary's face and immedi-
ately taking his departure.
1.-THE following morning father and SON
were the principal actors in a terrible
scene, which eliminated in the young
mans receiving a note from each. The
father demanded thai the young man
repair to the family home without delay
and make the young woman his wife, as
he did not propose to have his daughter
made the subject of gossip, broken en-
gagements, etc. The brothers note ran
thus:-If you ever dare set foot inside
our gate, I'll thrash you within an inch
of your life
Now, what would you advise me to
do?' the young man pleaded. Her bro
Their is capable of making good his threat,
my only course is to shoot him before he
gets at me, a course should regret very
much to pursue, and aside from what the
old man is liable to do, 1 love his daugh-
ter ana TO marry ner.
ST unlocked the cells of my untried
wisdom, and reasoned with him thus
Any man who would indite such a note
as had the brother must, according to
the rule governing such cases, be a
buffer and a coward. On the other hand,
the fathers note was manly and to the
! point, and having his daughters interests
at heart, evidently meant business. I ad-
vised him to be a man, to put on a bold
front, so to the house and declare not
only his readiness to carry out the con-
tract, but to demand an immediate cere-
mony, and thus whip the brother with
the strongest of all weapons, moral cour-
age.
Now, theoretically, I hin o could
not find a flaw in this argument with a
microscope, but alasi how often are the
theorists thrown down by the iron arm
of the practical. There was a screw loose
somewhere and the accepted maxims
were reversed in a manner that sent me
back to the thinking school and my young
friend to the hospital. The buffer, con-
trary to the adege would fight; brute
force proved to be a veritable Jim Cor
bett, while moral courage was made to
play the ignomirious part of the hnmili-
ated Charley Mitchell.
Il met the young gentleman a week
later. He ~preambulated gracefully with
a crutch under the arm, his eyes were
artistically decorated with various shades
Of court plaster, while his hair was
clipped like a convict's in order to give
the surgeons a chance to do a sewing
society act on his scalp, He ooked as
though he had been dallying with the
business end Of a Kansas cyclone. His
lips parted in a wan smile, as with feeble
voice he thanked me for the kind advice
I had given. him., and, suggested that
l had certainly missed my calling; that a
man of my stupendous knowledge of hu-
man nature should write a book on how
it hound in calf; with a peculiar ~insinuat-
ing emphasis upon the style of binding"