davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

A Seaonable Excuse. Pofessor
(jealously WHATS this long hair on
your coat, sir?
Pofessor-Oh, that is-er-oh, I have
just been coaching football eleven,
nv dear,
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

Candidate-"I trust, my friend, that
you will vote for me-"
Voter-"What.s the use of trustin' +,
boss, when you can pay cash?"
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

A sign in an old book store window
in West Madison street, Chicago reads:
"All ofShakespear's Works Up to Date. -
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

The Daughter-Can't you let me have
that $10O fatherP I once heard you say
that you would give your last cent to
your children.
The Father-Yes, but haven't got
TO nv last cent vet
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

"Mrs. Fewyears tells me she WASH,
16 when she was married."
"Well. should say she wasn't. She
was 29."
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

A Boston newspaper mentions the re-
turn OF resident from Maine, "where
he has been shooting and visiting his
friends"
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

"You have a.bad cold," he said.
II have," she replied huskily. I am
SO hoarse that if you attempted to kiss
me I couldn't even scream"
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

1t is common for man to bring up
his neice, but what do you think of the
fellow who raises his ante?
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

Hi Lung Chang isn't the only johnny
boy who lost his yellow jacket. There's
Lew Ell Ling.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

A Delaware gas magnate has been
sued for divorce because OF an ALLEGED
inclination 10 meter.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20
Clubbing Rates.

We will furnish the News HERALD
and the periodicals mentioned below, at
the following prices:
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

He-She has very handsome teeth.
She-Why shouldn't she, when her
brothers dentist?
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

Man without mosquito bar is "a
slave to a horde OF petty tyrants.'
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

Hoods Pills cure constipation by re-
storing peristaltic action to the alimen
tary canal.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

Jilson says he has learned by careful
research that the American Indian was
the original uft.hunter.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

Mr.. Goodboy-Does your sister know
/ am here?
TOMMY guess SO; saw her leave
the house right after you came in.
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20

Coughing Leads to Consumption.
Kemp's Balsam will stop the cough
at 0nca
The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-12-20
Only One Dolar;a Year

Every department of life is covered in
its columns. The latest news of this
country and all foreign countries given
in each issue.
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21

U~o Y ars. Am ne deau: Am nc iylu On q
bed of pain: Am he fur, fur away from
home an can't git heah? My friends,
Brudder Davis will meet wild us nc mo-.
He am healthy an we'll an right heah in
town, but sunthin has happened to him.
Brudder Davis allus felt sensitive about
his reputashun fur honesty. He knowed
I had an eye on him, an it hurt his feelins.
At de meetin a week G tonight l left a
cokernut on my desk as a test Of his hon
esty. When 1 drapped in heah next day
as he was cleanin up, dat ~cQsernut was
gone Brudder Davis felt his honesty in
suited when 1 axed if he had sawn it. De
bare idea dat I should suspect him Of eben
layin his paws ON dat property made him
so mad dat he threatened to resign. Dat
v~artuous lock which he put on might hev
stood some folks off, but it didn't skeer
me I stood Brudder Davis up in a CO.
ner an purceeded to s'arch him, an perhaps
it am needless to state dat l found my
missin cokernut in de busum of his Ian
mel shirt. No experts war called In to ex-
anime his books, an I didn't peal to de
police. I jest took hold of him an wrench
ed him an shook him an banged his head
agin dc wall till he hollered fur mercy.
Den 1 accepted his r~esignashun widout
waitin fur de club to act, All Brudder Da-
Wis won't meet up wild us no mo- In dis
cold world.
II want to say right heah an now dat If
dar am any odder highly sensitive pussons
in dis club-pussons who handle our cash
or hev charge of our b~elongins an feel dat
a leetle watchin degrades 'em-dey had
better offer DER ~resignashuns right away.
Our assets am gwine to keep right on be-
in SIS an our liabilities muffin t all, an II
we hurt anybody's feelins dey am not
obleeged to stay in de club. Oar am not
de slightest occashun to worry ober de
safety of our finances Eben if de bank
busts up I know whar de president Ibis,
an I know dat three or TO- of us kin rake
in $18 with of his Leghorn chickens an
make dis club solid befO' 10 o'clock on de
night of de calamity. One word mo-: Our
treasurer wars what pears to be a 5000
diamond pin, an some of de brethren feel
skeery on dis accoun Oar am no cal
fur it. Dat pin cost him jest % cents, an
if it should git run ober by an Ice wagon
an could be fixed up agin fur a nickel he'd
hev to raise de money on a mortgage OF
throw de pieces away"
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
The Editor Gets His Money Back With All
Due Apologies.

A PLEASANT CALL--SOme three months
ago, as we We're on our way to Valley City
in search of subscribers, a hard looking
stranger stepped out of the woods ana pro
ceeded to hold us up. We had $27 in cash,
two GUNS and a watch. and his elOQuence
was so persuasive that we quietly surren-
dered everything. Very little conversation
was INDUCED in. The stranger d1dn ap-
pear to be in a talkative mood, and we
seemed to have several things on our nina
to worry us just then. He didn't ask 1or
our name, and we didn't hand out our
card with the Doodle. AS soon as courtesy
would permit we put spurs to our cayuse
and cantered away, and the matter was not
regarded as of sufficient interest for publ
cation the following week. On Friday OF
last week a stranger entered our sanctum
and laid our lost property on the able and
]rodu himself as the person who de-
spoiled US. He explained that 1t was all a
mistake. He used to run a newspaper IN
Indiana himself, but a combination OF cir
cumstances drove him out OF business
He was feeling low spirited the day he en-
~cOuntered us and did not ask for the usual
explanations. 1t was several weeks De-
fore he accidentally discovered u lden-
tity. and as soon as circumstances WOULD
permit he had called to make restitution.
We found Mr.. Palmer, as he called him
self, an intelligent, agreeable gentleman,
possessed of a laudable ambition to aid IN
building up the glorious west and a firm
believer in the future of Arizona. 1here
isn't as much money in the holdup bust
ness as is popularity supposed, but he Is
making an average of $50 per week and
investing it in real estate in the growing
towns. He expects TO be able to buy four
vacant lott on Anacha avenue w1fhln 'h-
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21
Prom M. Quad.
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
BROTHER GARDNER TALKS ON THE
SUBJECT OF FINANCE.
And Places the Matter In Such q Light as
to Inspire Full Confidence-A Missing
Cocoanut and What Brother Davis Had
to DC With 1t.

copyright, 1894, by Charles B. Lewis.l
"Gem'len," said Brother Gardner as he
stood up, adjusted his spectacles and look
ed around the hall, lit has come to my
ears dat sartin pussons in dis Limekiln
club ar feelin sort o shaky bout our
finances. Dey am talkin bout embezzle-
ment, defalcashun an shortage, an dey
say dey can't sleep o nights fur worryin
ober it. I shall take advantage of dis oc-
cashun to explain sartin things to yo'.
"Fustly, our system of bookkeepin hain't
made up of debit credit, marshendize
an profit an loss. When we take in any
money, it is put right down on de book
in plain handwritin as cash tOoken in. It's
de same when we pay out. Oar am no
proft-no loss. De figgers am right dar
an can't git away nor fade out.
Secondly, our treasurer am not only
nder bonds, but we dOan' trust him too
fur. We low him to walk around wild
about SO cents of our none in his pock-
ct. but dat's de limit. Once a week we
investigate, an we doan' let go till de fig
iures balanCe.
Thirdly, it takes fo' of us to draw any
money from de bank, an our office safe Is
nebber opened 'cept in de presence of three
members. Jest at dis time dis club has
about $18 on hand. To git dat money five
members would hev to enter into a con-
spiracy an dodge around fur three or TO-
weeks. We ncbber keep above foty cents
in de office safe, an should apusson tackle
dat safe he would fust be cOtched in a bar
trap; den he would be shot wild buckshot;
den HI would be blowed up wild dynamite,
ali at de next meetin all de evidences we
should find of him would be a few eye
lashes stickin to de ceilin oberhead.
dis club does not employ a contlden-
tial clerk. Its treasurer does not play de
races nor war diamonds. 1t does not
wait until de eand of de var to balance
its books. 1t believes dat all it's officers am
honest, but it doan' offer any of 'em nc
chances to git hold of de Doodle an skip.
We neither loan nor borrow. Oar am Oc-
csshuns when Samuel Shin wants to put
up his jackknife as collateral fur 10 cents
or Shindig Watkins will git w members
in good standin to indorse his note fur {
quarter, but l allus advance de money
from my own pocket an Jake all de risks
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21

noon. Alderman Scott wants a sewer 3OU
feet long and wants the town to pay for
it. He got it through the common u
Gil last Tuesday night, but we vetoed the
resolution. He came to see us about 1t
Friday. He had been drinking and was
out of sorts. We had planned to talk the
matter over with him on its merits, but
he gave us no opportunity. AS soon as he
entered the office he pulled his guns and
began firing. We love Mr.. Scott as a cit
izen and respect him as an alderman, but
as a marksman he makes us tired. He got
in five shots at us before we really under
stood the situation, and the only damage
done was to a city inkstand. When we
got up, we took the alderman by the neck
and hip and pitched him down stairs and
shut the door. He loafed around for awhile
and then went off and later on sent US a
written apology. We hadn't the slightest
desire to shed his gore. We could have
killed him a dozen times over. He is a
rood man at heart and our friend, but Is
mistaken on the sewer question:. we are
willing that any of the city officials, In all
Of whom we feel a paternal interest, should
blaze away at us a few times when the
spirit moves, but it ant be expected that
we will sit still all the afternoon. we
have secret enemies here who are quick
to these things to the outside
world in order to in urC us, and the puDnc
should take all reports of our feroclty with
many grains of allowance.
Not GOING.-Day before yesterday re-
ports were flying around town that Mr..
Thomson, proprietor OF our local bank,
had made arrangements to go to san Fran
cisco on a visit to his mother, who is In
feeble health and may not live many
weeks. These reports produced much eX-
element, and there was every indication
of a run on the bank when Mr.. Thomp-
son invited five of our citizens, Of whom
we were one, into the hank to investigate
affairs. 1t was not only a thorough but
a satisfactory examination. Mr.. ThOmp-
son is no tendcrfOOt. He came here from
Montana and knows the west from top to
bottom. 4 year ago this spring, when
every bank in the west had excuse TO Close
its doors, he asked for a committee TO ex-
anime his rcsOurCeS and there was nc
time when a dCpUsitOr couldn't get money.
There have been no bank failures III this
nart of the country. Whenever there i
one. things have got to be shown up very
straight, or there will be q hanging. Iht
bank official who can get out Of Arizona
with the funds of the institution mus
have wings. Our local bank is making
money and in tiptop shape all around
There was no foundation whatever for th'
reports, but Mr.. Thompson has decided
nc. to visit san Francisco for anothel
wear While he would like to see his poo
cd mother a--ain ha ~rnn.izes th2t thee -
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21
touchy times and that duty requires his
daily presence at the bank.
DEFINING HIS Position.
Showing That the Course of True Love
Sometimes Change Its Direction.

Showing That the Course of True Love
Sometimes Changes Its Direction.
"Kurnel Johnson" began an old col
ored man as he came into the store where
the colonel sat talking, Il hev cum to tell
yo' dat l ar in hub wild de cook out on
yo'r plantashun.'
In love with Linda, ch?"
Yes, sab. Got my affecshuns sot on
dat gal powerful hard"
aren't you pretty old to be sparkling q
Young woman like Linda!"
De oldness hain't got muffin to do wild
it kurnel. I'Ze gwine to make her q
mighty good husband If 20 dun GIBBS yor
consent fur de marriage"
Have you said anything to d
Not yit, kurnel. I'ze an honorable
man, 1 is, an l knowed it was right 60
cum an spoke to yo' fust. All l has done
SO fur was to fall in lub wild her"
Are you sure it's lOve?"
'Suah! Why, kurnel Johnson, I'd Jist
lay right down an die fur dat gal. l
can't keep desc feet on de ground when L
think Of her"
''See here, Abraham" said the colonel
after some hesitation, Il Wish you'd do
me a favor"
Yes, sab. Sartin to do it,"
You know that other colored woman
out there-Mrs Platt?"
Il does, sab"
Il wish you'd marry her instead of Lip
da. She's about your age and wants a
husband and a home"
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21

NILE LEAN BACON'
''Why, Kurnel Johnson, how l gwine
10 marry Missus Platt when Ize dyin fur
Tub of Linda"
would you rather have Mrs. Platt and
SO pounds of bacon and a bag of meal to g
to housekeeping on or take Linda Tor
love-"
Nice lean bacon?"
Yes"
BEST kind O. co'nmeal?"
Yes"
''Wid a gallon O 'lasses frowed I'M"
well, being it's you, 1 will throw In
the 'lasses."
Den I'ze gwine right up dar dis eaven-
in to see Missus Platt an fix de day. Lawd
bress yo', kurnel, but wish dis hull world
knowed bout yo'r goodness of heart"
"And you think you can get over your
love for Linda"
'Kurnel johnson, l wants to define my
posishun in dis matter. l thought L was
in Tub wild dat gal. l thought l could die
for her. l wanted her above all others"
I see"
But when l cum to analyze my feel
ms an h'ar bout Missus Platt an dat
meal an bacon an 'lasses, why, sab, de i'm
pccuniosity of de aristocracy tore de feel
in of Tub from my heart an frowed dat gal
Linda cl'ar Ober de co'nficld fence
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21
Something Better Turned Up.

Having rode all day in "a stage over a
rough trail, ! went to bed tired out at an
early hour. At 10 o'clock the andlord
knocked on my loo and called out:
Stranger, did ye say yer name was
Perkins,"
NO, Of course mott"
1 had just got to sleep again when back
he capa to arnIIso me sn1 oak
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21

BROTHER DAVIS VIRTUOUS LOOK.
De time may come when Paradise hall
will be struck by lightnin, but none O yo
will lib long huff to diskiver dat our
treasurer am II cents ahead of de game.
when we look round us heah TO-
night, we miss de absence of Brudder sun
down Davis, who was our lanitor fur oDer
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-07-21

next lew Wetks. Mt. Palmer OF COurse
subscribed for THE KICKER before he left
and hopes to read it regularly every week.
He will work the road between here and
Valley City most of the time this sum
mer, but will occasionally visit other
routes and drop in on ranches.
A BASE CANARD.-The story telegraph
ed from this town to the Denver papers
last Friday that we killed Alderman Scott
of the Second ward in cold blood was a
base canard invented without the slight
est excuse As mayor of this town we were
in our office il the city hall Friday after
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20
x T
Moss Racks Need Not Apply

The crime of Hon. j. +. Hinkle seems
to be that hs would encourage immlgra-
ton and capital to come into the terri
tory by offering reasonable inducements
to such as come. His enemies are the
enemies of enterprise. They fight it and
would keep capital out of New Mexico's
fertile valleys. But with the friends of
progress, men who would build up the
territory, Mr.. Hlnkle is the type of man
for the times. If the property of cor
poration should be exempted by law
from taxation for such time as would
enable it to develop business to sustain
an enterprise that would add 100000
value and 10000 people to our wealth and
population within the time of exemption,
weuld not the territory be clean gamer
by that much? Would cent be added to
the taxes of people already here by such
action? If not, the kick is kick from
the mere nature of the animal and not
for worthy purpose. New Mexico at this
time needs the kind ofmen as law-mak-
ers who will use their influence toward
the development of the soon-to-be state
and not against it. j. F. Hinkle should
be and will he elected to the assembly by
wide-a-wake and enterprising people Of
the southeast, who are true friends of
progress. Moss backs should stand off
the track.-White Oaks Eagle.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20
TAX D0DGINC.
congress-.

The matter of taxation is of vital mo-
ment to every resident of New Mexico
In many of the counties the tax rate is a
very great burden, largely because in
fluential men ard corporations are al
lowed by methods of questionable char
acter, to say the least, to dodge taxation.
The selection of first-class men to serve
as county assessors would go far toward
strangling the work of the tax dodger.
The New MEXICAN gives notice on this
subject now in hopes that it may have
attention before the several county tick
cts are made up.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20

create the impression that the Democrats
had it in their own hands. The Citizen
knows better than this, but such false
hoods may be expected from Republican
sheets now that the campaign is coming
on. The only reason the bill was not
passed was because certain Republican
senators threatened to knife it and
joined with few anti-silver eastern SEN
ators to prevent its consideration. These
little difficulties will soon be overcome in
short order when Mr.. Joseph gets back to
CONGRESS-
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20
Grand canon OF Colorado River.

On the Santa Fe route, in northern
Arizona, 1852 miles from Kansas City, is
the town of Flagstaff. A tri-weekly stage
line runs from Flagstaff to the Grand
Canon of the Colorado river. More than
mile in depth, this is the sublimest of
gorges-a Titan of chasms. Twenty
Yosemites might be hidden unseen below,
and Niagara would look scarcely larger
than brook.
Don't fail to visit this first wonder of
the world. You can tread up" about it by
asking g. 7. Nicholson, g. P. & I. A., A.
7. & s. F. R. R. Co., Topeka, Kas., to mail
you free copy of an illustrated book
describing this terra incognita. The book
is no common affair; but is entertainingly
written, beautifully illustrated and gem
of the printers art.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20
PRESS COMMENTS.
Depends Wholly Upon Democratic
Success.

Depends Wholly Upon Democratic
success.
There is great responsibility resting
upon the Democrats of New Mexico. The
success of statehood depend upon the
success of Democracy.
There are f0rty-four Democratic United
States senators and not one of them
would vote to admit Republican terri
tory into the Union. The statehood bill
which is now with the senate committee
on territories will never see the light OF
day if the Democrats fail to carry the ter
ritorial Legislature on joint ballot. 1t
would be folly to expect otherwise. The
Democratic margin in the senate is now
too small for effective work, and he who
thinks Democratic senators will further
weaken themselves in that body by TAX
ing in two Republicans, has mis-read
political history.
The property owners and business men
in the Democratic party ought to be wise
enough to see this state of affairs in its
true light. Our rapid growth, rapid ex-
tension of business and rapid increase of
wealth depend upon Democratic vic
tory. Democratic success means three
votes in congress in the interest of New
Mexico, whereas we now nave none. Re-
publican success means continuation OF
our present helplessness, without single
vote in congress. AS territory we are
nonentity in the political world AS
state, which contamination can only be
reached by Democratic victory, we
would at least be "a political unit with two
men in the upper house of congress
working for our interests.
A Democratic victory means statehood
as soon as the law can be passed and a
constitution adopted; Democratic defeat
means a continuation of New Mexico ter
Acknowledgements Democrat.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20

THE promotion of Hon. Chas. Fl. Man
sur from the position of second comp
tro!er of the treasury to that of assistant
com ptroller again demonstrates the fact
that President Cleveland knows how to
appreciate the services of a good Dem
ocrat and a faithful official. "Charlie'
Mansur, rs everybody in the west knows
him, is typical western Democrat, ar
able man and whose friends all over the
country will be gratiied to learn of hi:
elevation in official rank and RESPONSE
hilitY.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20

In connection with the resolution fav-
orable to silver, which the Socorro con-
gregation of politicians will pass to-day,
it is we'll to remember the words Of the
great first president of the Republican
party: "a political party may fool part
of the people all the time, and all OF the
people part of the time, but no political
party can fool all the people all the time"
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20

The Democracy of southern New Mex
leo could not find two ADLER mon to rep
resent them in the next legislative coun-
Gil than Geo. Curry and G. W. Miles. The
New MEXICAN congratulates the citizens
of Lincoln, Eddy, Chaves, Dona Ana and
Grant counties over the nomination OF
these two excellent gentlemen.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20

THE Ashland district suffered great
spasm of. virtue not to have given
Breckinridge's chief opponent more than
paltry 2G9 plurality out of total vote OF
nearly 10000. Owens would doubtless
have made better showing had he not
taken his aged mother about with him
and exhibiting her on the political plat
form while he played the goody good
bcv not
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-09-20
You May Strike 1t Rich.

Ifyou could pick up 1921 900 in gold by
one weeks work, it would beworth going
few hundred miles to get, wouldn't it?
That's just what the Aztec mine (Colfa1
Co., New Mexico) produced in seven days
with total product to date of nearly
million dollars.
This rich mine is one of many in the
newly discovered MoEero valley and Ute
Greek placer and quartz gold districts.
Take Santa Fe route to Springer, N. M,
thence stage to the camp.
Short winters, delightful climate and
rich prospects. This may be the chance
of lifetime. Ask local agent A., T. & s. F.
R. R. for illustrated pamphlet. 1t tells
the truth about this new country.