St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1894-10-21
TOPICS UP TO DATE.

In that ingenious column of answers
to correspondents which the Pioneer
fress uses every Monday as method
or disseminating high tariff ideas, there
Is often some statement so palpably
preJudiced as to he ridiculous. Last
Monday, for instance. in talking about
the farm products which are ad,nittedS
free of duty under the mutllated Wilson
Dill, 1t called attention, in Mortified
capitals, to the fact that milk and eggs
are now on the free list. This is wful:
think OF the pauper hens aud pauper
cows of Europe sending the products of
their pauper labor to this country to
compete with the freebOrn cows and
mems OF this Nreat~natiOn. And Just
now. too. when the hens are getting so
prominent in politics. The minute this
state OF affairs is discovered III Europe
they will probably give up the use of
camel coal for ballast in the ocean
steamships, and just squirt the hold full
of pauper milk!
And the European eggs will be the
only ones used at theatrical perfor ~
| ances!
This is too, too much!
I +
1t was night in Egypt. The dark
curtains of the under world were all un-
furled, and iooped and draped and
fastened with the stars.
Out in tropic garden, made bea uti-
full by the cunning hand OF art. Cleo
patra reclined; a sight for gods an d
men. the incarnation of Venus Aphro-
| dlte, the essence OF the poets dreams
of fair women.
Beneath her, at her feet. with his
eyes fixed on her enhancing face, was
| Mark Antony, her lover. her king, her
| god.
Tonight" said Cleopatra, ''ls night
like to that night to which the Roman
] poet compared my charms. Thou art
fair. oh queen said he. like the pale
moon, and soft and gracious like unto
her light. Thine eyes are but twin
| planets. morning and evening stars.
| And when thou dost but smile, then it
Seemtth as if the sun Is rising, and the
tinted morn dawns in flood of glory! y"
truly he Was rapturous, my Cleo"
responded Mark. but Is it praise to
compare you in all your perfection to
the moon? For she is full half the
time; nor yet the stars, for the best of
them are out all night; and then the
all in vain, my Cleo. for 'yon are in
comparable; you are out of sight"
And while the Greek chorus sang
Sweet Marie" they looked into each
others eyes and smoked cigarettes. For
they loved.
This is the tale of a bIoomer,
Seen Oh bicycle wheel,
The tale of a sad disaster,
10 one OF our commOnWeal.
Turning all awkward corner,
Making graceful bow,
Meetlng-I hate to tell it
A most unpleasant COW!
| Gone back to skirts has the lady,
Swears BY all good and great
If III keep the story shady,
She Ii never bifurcate.
t
The remains OF several gigantic hui
man bodies have been discovered in
Tom Reeds district, in the state of
Maine. Tom says that this is only nat
urai, and that the giants are not all
NSous At1AiuiSy oiIu lulu DCu
son contend that the race of large Maine
men has become extinct. In 1896 sew
| eral cadavers will be added to the coll
| lection.
One of the Republican candidates has
run against the labor element in his
| campaign; The cigarmakers' union
claims that the statesman employs little
girls to wrap his cigars, and that he and
his minions then lick them carefully to
make them stick. Of course, this is
vile SANDER, but it adds another dire
| peril to the habit of smoking campaign
cigars. If you find that one of your
cigars is poorly wrapped. you can at
once attribute it to 'lapsus lingue."
The editor sat in his easy chair, but his face
was inlaid with gloom;
There was no good cause for his weary air,
for the town was enjoying q BOOM
But out from the depths of his erudite soul a
sound 'twixt a sob and curse
Escaped. as he said: well think on the
whole there never was anything worse''
The reason this knight of the quill felt so
bad Ill speedily tell unto you,
He wrote of funeral. somper and sad twas
butchered by Slug No. 2;
And the editor thought of the relatives all
(below you will find the mistake).
And the name of the hymn he had dared to
miscall. ana his heart seemed as if it
would break
N. Bile wrote: "See the pale martyr
in sheet of flame"
1t read: "See the pale MARTYR with his
shirt on fire!"
I + t
This is the time of year when the Re-
publican papers announce that Swipsey
McGuiligan has experienced a change
of heart. has been con verified to Repub-
lican doctrines and will hereafter cas-.
his lot with the party OF morality; that
Mr.. Nc. is man of great influence i'm
the community and of great inteIIi.