The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1894-09-08
HAD ENOUGH OF SUBSTITUTES.
Homemade Boosblscking and the Fmhsr-
rassment II Cau.Nd a Ieuas Vnncr

Homemade Boosblscking and the Fmbsr-
rassment 1t Caused a Texas Wooer.
Some gentlemen were discussing cur
rent topics in the lobby of the st.
George the other evening, when hopfen.
weiss, the new prohibition substitute
for beer, was drawn into the discussion,
says the Baltimore News Some had
tried the new drink and pronounced it
equal in point of favor to the genuine
article, and various opinions were ex-
changed relative to the right of persons
TO sell 1t in local option communities.
II am not competent to venture an
opinion upon that phase of the ques-
ton" said one of the party, "but as
rule the man who monkeys with sub
stftutes usually comes 20 grief in one
way or another. At any rate, thst Is
my experience, and / viii give you a,
case in point In the early days of
Texas, when few OF the modern con-
venienoes shat we now enjoy were OBJ
tainable, / was living in the country,
working on a farm A man named
Brown lived near my fathers Well,
one day l learned that a couple of
young ladies were visiting Mr.. Brown
and family. OF course, now. l would
have to 60 over and see the young
ladies- ! had tolerable good suit Of
clothes, but my shoes were consider
ably worn, and never having come IN
contact with backing, very naturally
were tough and unpleasant TO the
sigkt. So l set about trying to hit up
on schemes whereby could improve
the complexion of my shoes Finally
an idea struck me and | smiled tri-
uInphantly as 1 congratulated myself
ON my shFewdness. would take some
scot from the chimney, use molasses as
a vehicle, as the druggists say, and
polish up my shoes with the compound.
The SCOT would certainly make the
shoes black enough and the molasses
would hold 1t on Capital idea. There
fore l got TO work aud soon had nv
substitute ready and spilled to the
shoes
THE effect was not to say artistic,
but it made the shoes black, and that
YVES the end / sought to achieve. A
short walk soon broaght me to cur
neighbor's, where the girls were visit
ing, and on my arrival I was invited
into the room which did service as q
parlor. The young ladies and l had
exchanged a few compliments relative
20 the weather when / uneonsciously
shifted my foot on the floor. Then my
heart sanlt within me zad / cursed the
day chat my inventive talent got She
upper hand Of me and / monkeve6
with substitutes, for when moved my
foot a swarm of flies filed the room
and rozred like bees They had been
after the nolasses On nv shoes, and
the shifting OF my foot had put them
TO fight felt that nv face was get
ting Hnoeconingly red and my nerve
began TO fail me, but msde heroic
ezEort 20 renew the conversation and
stand nv ground But il was useless.
j could see that The girls were ell but
dying 10 langh, and reeufcScene-1ts OF
fiiss were constantly appearing upon !
the scene. They roared and blurred |
and fought each other for first place /
on my shoes Directly 7 heard Mrs. |
Brown from the other room ssy: John |
nie, l think l hear the bees sxSsrming. |
Co out and see shout them That was |
TOO much, and, gathering up my hat I |
h2ae the young ladies Il hurried good |
day and departed. enveloped in halo |
Of flies as elg as balloon. As closed |
the gate behind ne l heard Johnnie \
shout: Nav, the bees ain't swarm-
in, they're AFTER that young telIer /
what lust left here. He's been stesiin' 4
honey and they're after him about II. 4
Wush they'd sting the trifin' rascal TO /
death, 1 do No. gentlemen. no sub- /
ss4tuteS for me. please. The bsre men 4
don OF them makes mT hair pull