The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1894-08-15
JOKES AND JOKERS.
SOME OF THE FUN AND FuNMAkERS
OF BYooNE DAYS.

FROM biogenea TO moro Modcrn Mcn-Ihe
English Furnish Rather Heavy Class of
Observation-Disclosures Supply of Irish
Bulls.
There is more real humor in mod
ern clodhopper than in an ancient phi
losopher. The jokes that have come
down to us from Greece are mostly poor
stuff, but college boys are glad to get
any comfort ut all from root grubbing.
and therefore they laugh at Diogencs
and Aristophanes. It is said that the
old cynic begged tub to live in and
toted this about where ho liked and
squatted under it when he pleased.
When Alexander called on him in this
palatial residence, he asked what he
could do for him. "Get out Of my sun
light" said Diogenes. That was tolera-
bly, good, but uncivil. The nasty old
cub with his tub could be duplicated by
thousand tramps in America any day,
and many of them are doubtless nastier
and smarter. Plato is said to have
preached fatality When rogue ran
against him with beam and excused
himself as "fated to do it," "Yes,
said Plato, 81 see, but also am fated
to beat you for it" and gave the fellow
good Gaming. For sportiveness Horace
was the most pleasing Of the ancients,
but his verses are very amatory and
some Of them more suggestive than a
French play. Charles Lamb is worth
20 of him, only that Horace could be n
poet when he chose of different sort.
Homers picture of Thersites is the old
est burlesque that remember A joke
coming down from 1000 b. @. ought to
be pretty good. Will NJ Quad last as
long?
English joking is generally heavy.
Here is one told by James Payn. A wit
ness in slander case swore that Miss
lies was thrown over the wall dozen
times. What" said the Judge "Who
was Miss lies, and why did they throw
her ever?" II was missiles. Icannot see
anything SO very funny in Sydney
Smiths wishing he could, on certain
hot day, take off his flesh and sit in his
bones. But Hood and Charley Lamb are
brace that no one ought ever to be
without have given up trying to keep
q complete set of either They are bor-
rowed and relished, and, suppose, read
to pieces.
Hood was capital in every direction
he turned, whether pathos, satire, pun
or pure joking. His taking Off of cele-
brated characters was as good as any
thing. You should first read Boswell's 3
johnson" and then read Hoods
"Johnsoniana. But does anybody read
Boswell nowadays2 Alas, for once ia
nous books! Hood, says johnson, was
once consulted by a lady as to the de-
gree Of turpitude and spanking due her
boy for robbing an orchard. MADAM,
said the ponderous doctor, "it all hangs
on the weight Of the boy. remember
my school fellow, Davy Garrick, who
was little fellow, robbing dozen or
chards with impunity, but the very first
time / climbed an apple tree, for i was
always solid, the bough broke, and it
was called Judgment ON me. l sup.
pose that is why justice is represented
with q pair of scales"
Sheridan was the best of jolkers but
half that is attributed to him is floating
wit that needed father. 1t is probably
true that he asked his roistering but
highborn crew one night whether they
should drink like beasts or like men.
Some one said, "Men, of course" 4" "Oh,
then" cried Sheridan, "we'll get aw-
full drunk, for beasts only drink what
they need"
Irish wit is famous tho " orld over.
Part Of it consists in the brogue, but it
is rare that an Irishman has not sur
prises of speech, in which consists the
wit Of the highest order Le Fanu, in
his Seventy Years Of Irish Life" has
collected great deal that is delicious.
A witness that was badgered by law
yer was asked, You're nice fellow,
now, amt your" Witness answered.
( II am. sir, and IL were not ON oath.
sir, I'd say the saipe Of you" Another
witness was asked by bullying coun-
sci. 80 You had a pistol?' II had,
sir" "who did you intend to shooti"