Middletown transcript., 1894-11-24
FLASHES OF SUNLIGHT.
Scientific Aspects of the Case of Ga
Addicks

Sc1enC1nc aspects OF the Case of Ga:
Addicks.
Once more we train upon the Hon. Ga.
; Addicks of Nowhere a curiosity neither
malevolent nor benevolent but strictly sci
entific. We are interested in him to-day
J not as an explorer anxious to discover his
own whereabouts and proper place of settle
ment, or as the political capitalist looking
after his investments in Kent county and
Sussex county, Delaware, or as the Peri.
patetic Gasman making the rounds. of many
cities, and followed by odorous reminis-
cences. We shall consider him to-day in as
enlightened and impersonal spirit as BELTS
a study that has for its purpose an addition
to human knowledge.
Why does the Hon. Gas Addicks want to
be elected Senator in Congress from Della
ware2 We pass over as secondary his de-
sire to get a return for the money he has
expended in Kent and Sussex counties in
1892 or at other times. What induced him
to lay out that money in expectation Of
getting Senatorship in return? What
was the causing cause of his determination
to become Senator? IF a middle-aged man
should develop sudden fondness for sprint
Ing or throwing the hammer, and without
any bodily fitness or attempt at training,
should aspire to championship honors in
athletics, he would be regarded as promis-
ing candidate for Chairman of the paretic
ward. If he should give hundred thou
sand dollars made out of gaseous or solid
enterprises to the University of Pennsyl-
vania and then demand to be appointed
Professor of Materia Medica, although un-
able to tell bolus from foot ball. trained
nurses and experts in insanity would mark
him for their own. If he should try to
drive a four-in-hand, simply because he
had money to spare to buy one, or try to
steer sixabreast as an eccentric American
citizen used to do in Florence, he would be
sure to turn up in the police courts or the
coroner's office, and he would be guyed or
cursed by everybody on the roads that he
infested. In short, the Hon. Gas Addicks,
prosperous and able to indulge in new avo-
cations and amusements, could not go into
any of them heedlessly and without pre-
paration; or if he tried to do so, he would
come to grief and to damage, physical or
pecuniary; and he would be regarded as |
triple-expansion idiot, in the bargain. He
could hire competent sailor-men to manage |
yacht for him, but he couldn't get pilots |
license for himself; and he would butt into
a breakwatsr, or drop in on Davy Jones |
mighty quick if he essayed to be his own
captain and steersman. OF course, we as
sumo, for the purposes Of argument, that
he is as ignorant of various accomplish
ments that would help him burn his gas as
he is of politics. He could hire persons to
play golf or tennis or the banjo for him,
singers to warble for him, cooks to charm
odes in his honor, or in celebration of his
gaseous ubiquity, hardheaded men to drink
for him, pugilists to fight for him, foot ball
professors or Capt. Bebe Anson to kick for
him. Taral to ride for him, Doble to drive
for him, Edgar Murphy to shoot for him,
perhaps Herbert Spencer to think for him,
but he can't do these things himself and
he would make himself very uncomforta-
Bile if he tried to do them.
Now, whatever the Hon. Gas Addicks
knows about other things, it seems clear
that he has had no time or opportunity to
know what Senator of the United States
ought to know Set down in an assembly
Of many talents, among men conspicuous
~ oh h1ry IN, porli ,tor |
Or constitutional law, in the history of the
United States, in various branches of finan-
,ial or economic inquiry. an assembly of
picked men, what could the Hon. Gas Ad-
licks do? Would he not feel as coster-
nonger might who had intruded into {
meeting of the British Association? And
what would the Senate, so proud of its tra- |
litions, so tenacious of its privileges. think
If man who had made his way to it solely 7
~ judicious investment in delinquent tax
,illsP No doubt he is a collected as we'll as
! collecting person, but he would have to +
laVe the composure of the Great Pyramid
o be undisturbed and unabashed in the |
senate chamber, should he go there as in e
crest on his investment. Or does the Hon. r
Jas Addicks mean to hire somebody to
epresent him in the Senate, double, a c
vraith, phantom of gas? At any rate, t
he causes that make a man choose career v
or which he has absolutely no fitness, are G
worth study. While they are getting stud g
ed, we should advise the Hon. Gas Addicks '
o begin his apprenticeship in statesman t
hip. Let him settle in Delaware and be-
ome an inspector of gas meters, or in Mas !
achusetts and become fence viewer; and
0 work up. if he can, to the Senate. He I
las begun too quick and too high.-N. Y.
Jun.