Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-02-01
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget OF Fun.
Sprinkles of Spice.

PEELED to add 20 per cent. for men
who are not.-Atchison Globe.
AN editor thinks that people of
the right stamp are those who in
close return postage. -TeXas Siftings.
The dentist who devotes himself to
pulling aching mclars is necessarily
painstaking fellow. buffalo Courier
IT is a singular fact that the
blunt" man is apt to make the most
cutting remarks. -Glens Falls Re-
publican.
THERE isn't hack or carriage in
town that has the rich, heavy rum BILE
THAI accompanies the beer wagons
Atchison Globe.
THERE is no parity between the
pose of the preacher and the repose
Of the bald-headed men in the corner
seats. Plain Dealer.
WHEN washerwoman changes her
place Of residence one may ask her
where she hangs out now" without
using slang. Boston Courier.
Il NOTICE that you've got new
man to take up the collections in
your church" Eyes; the times are
ticklish now. He gives bonds in
IS, 600. Judge.
BRowN-"That wife of yours just
fills the BILL" Jones-"She more
than does it. The last one that
came in ran clear over to the next
page. "-Detroit Free Press.
$50 YOUR son John is counting a
woman at last! I'm afraid, however,
that he'll be loo bashful to propose
to her." "He won't need to propose;
she's a widow. New York Press
"OH, George" she cried, show /
wish you were knight in armor!"
Eyes," he responded, obviously, eek
cept that those fellows did so much
talking through their hats. Wash
ington News.
JINKs-Waite is a prince Of good
fellows. Filkins-Most people don't
regard him as such. Jinks-Thats
true; but princes seldom get there
by popular suffrage, you know. Kate
Fields Washington.
"OH, l say, Smithers, why are gas
meters like the Arabs?" Don't
know, Jonesy. Because every mans
hand is against them?" "No. Be-
cause they evidently silently steal
New York Recorder.
TEACHER (reading)-"The actor re-
ccived an ovation at the end of the
first act, What DIES ovation mean?"
Bright Boy-"Ovation is derived from
ovum-egg-oh / know-he was
pelted with eggs. "-Exchange.
THE INTENTIONALLY! ha! My for
tune is made! Hooray! His wife
How? The Inventor-Tve just per-
fected a duplex reversible device for
automatically indicating to woman
whether her hat is on straight
Chicago Record.
WHAT is the reason you only give
income egg instead of three, as usual, !"
asked Mr.. Upton Sno ks, one of the
Widow Flapiacks boarders. ut is
fresh egg. l can give you half a
dozen of the other kind il you want
to swap" replied the landlady.-Texas
Siftings.
OATS de mos wun'fullest Ting,
lat is" remarked Uncle Eben. as he
gazed at the electric light. "Dey
done put de match to de udder end
ob de connection, an when you turns
on de spigot de light jes' flows out.
Washington Star.
MRS BACKBAY-Wha solemn
thing it is for two people to wed; to
cleaye to one another till death does
them part. Mr.. Jackson Parke-
Isn't it, though? I'm mighty glad
that folks don't have to marry or any
such cast-iron conditions nowadays.
indianapolis Journal.
ANXIOUS MOTHER-"I wish, Susan,
that when you give baby bath you
would be careful to ascertain whether
the water is at the proper tempera-
ture." Susan-"Qh, don't you worry
about that, ma'am; | don't need no
mometers If the little one turns
red, the water is too hot; if it turns
blue. it's too cold. It'd bits.
"I'M afraid you're not enjoying
YOURSELF" said the Boston hostess to
ner guest, Mrs Suddencash, as the
orchestra finished the second move
ment of the symphony they had gone
to hear ooh, yes" said Mrs. Sudden
cash. amiably. II shall enjoy it
immensely as soon as they quit turn
n up and begin playin'. Chicago
Record.
HUSBAND (triumphantly) - Give
lone it. I have played two games Of
cinch blindfolded." Wife-"Well,
I'd like to run out for half an hour.
suppose you mix the bread, mind the
baby, stir the pudding. haste the
roas watch the vegetables and an
,wer the door bell for awhile. You
needn,f be hlindfolded. n-NeW York