The morning call., 1894-10-25
MANICURED HIS NAILS.
Troubles of Mr.. Spoopendyke Brought
10 Light Again.
[After the late stanley Hunter.I

TO Light Again.
GAfter the late Stanley Hunter.l
My dear" said Mrs. Spoopendyhe one
morning when her sband was to be at
home for the day. 4 have an idea."
Have you, what does IL look like ?" in-
terleeted her spouse. Mrs. Spoopendyke,
could you tell an idea from an earthquake,
the yellow fever or rattle boX?'
MY love, you have such very pretty
hands -"
well, [ know that Been married to
me fifteen years and just found that out.
eh? Mrs. Spoopendyke some day you'll
wake up with the discovery that you're
alive"
Il was going to say they are so pretty
went on the amiable lady. that when my
manicurer comes to-day l wish you'd per-
nit her to manicure your nails"
Mr.. Spooper erdyke had been reading his
newspaper intently, but at this he i'm
mediately stopped, mildly clutched the air,
and shouted, .'Ob. there you are again, all
you need is a vineyard in Napa County to
be a home for the Zee ble-minded. bod
CAST 1t, don't you want me to let my hair
grow long. roll my trousers up to my
knees, wear a cabbage in my button hole
Mrs. Spoopendyke, L am man, q ot an
advance agent tor the Eden Muses, or a
spieler for q ladies' halr bleach establish
ment"
''But, dear, this manieurer is such a
pretty young girl ="
MRS. Spooppndvke, why didn't you
say that before How soon will she be
here ?'
"Why, there she is now!" and Mrs.
SpoOpendyke rushed to tell the manicurer
that she should attend to Mr.. Spoopen-
dykes ails first, and then ushered ner in,
saying, My dear, you won't have 10 move.
Just sit where you are and we'll bring
everything to you; won't that be lovely P'
and Mrs. SDOopendyke radiant with joy
bustled about, while MI. Spoopendyke
critically eyed the pretty manicurer.
Soon Mrs. s. returned with a large bowl
OF steamlug hot water. ''W hats that fOr9
Now all you need is thermometer up to
120 degrees to be a Turkish bath house."
The young girl stammered, please, sir,
your hands must be soaked in hot water
to loosen the cuticle."
Blooming. blasted, bloody idiotl' Mr..
). remarked as he settled back in his easy
char TO smoke while his hands soaked.
In few seconds the maIicurer was push
ing the flesh back, scraping the nails and
cutting hang nails.
She reached the quick. Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. commented in his polltest. most
W.
you're genius. Ii you only had a handle
and TWO wheels you'd be a sausage
grinder"
Mrs. Spoopendyke was amazed and tried
to calm him With. PLEASE be patient; it's
more painful the first time "Dod CAST
1t, Mrs. Spoopendyke. this is the nearest
approach you ever made to an idea. All
this girl needs is a block of wood to be a
euillotine: The first time my nails were
manicured--"' Now, don't, Mr.. Spoop-
endyke; don't try 10 recall il. Just as
sure as you try to think you'll have
stroke OF paralysis!' Then Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke became polite again and queried.
my. dear young woman. what are you
looking for-my nails or my jugular vein
1t is not located in that part Of my body"
Then the girl applied a little acid for
bleaching the nails, and Mr.. Spoopendyke
shrieked as he ielt the burn: "What is
this any way-prusslc acid? Where did
you come fron-the Chinese warp"
Don't" pleaded Mrs. Spoopendyke.
'Dod CAST it,. Mrs. S.; you would look
we'll in black. No doubt you are anxious
to become widow, but as long as there
are hlghblnders in existence. why did
you give manicurer the jobP" Mir.
Spoopendyke shrieked as he drew his
hand violently from tne scissors. thereby
inHlctIDg cut on himself an inch long
and began pacing the floor with his
finger In his mouth. he was finally
Gained. ana had just muttered "ThaI's
better" when he leaped into the air, to the
amusement of Mrs. Spoupendyke aud the
manicurer. That's rightI laugh
laugh! .Ha! ha! ha! Ain't it funny?
He! he! Mrs. Spoopendyke. you are
such humorist. I'm going downtown to
buy you morgue to play with" Mr..
Spoopendyke wrapped his hand in a
towel and started to leave the house hat
less, and the manicuring maid begged,
Don't go, sir; let me finishP Mr..
Spoopendyke glared and was again polite.
"Ohl l knew you're in on this game, too.
Ii you ever finished you'd ba held for as
sa0lt with attempt to murder" And Mr..
Spoopendyke slammed the door, started
downtown in slippers, dressing-gown and
bath towel around his hand.
"Ohi he is such strange man." mused
Mrs. Spooperdyke as she saw policeman
stop aud gaze lOngingly at her liege lord.