Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-01-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

AhiooNS "it piio Sohpoi VI loNC'
Don't be n valet to your hero; il
may disgust him.
The most lovable of dumb animals
is n good listener. Puck.
After all, the love knot is the top.
knot on the head of human happiness.
Puck.
A cynic observes that the most popu.
lar air with the girls these days is Il
millionaire
A girl will never forgive n fellow
whom she has Tilted for making Il sue
cess of life. Puck.
When man gets hearing in court,
he is likely to hear something that he
doesn't like. Puck.
1t is the man who wears Congress
CATERS who wonders how the shoe
string sellers make living
She told the young man ottentimes
She really couldn't love him
Six feet, she but Ave feet, he
Ofcourse she felt above him.
Detroit Tribune.
Solemn Stranger ..'All flesh is
grass" Deaf Man" "Hey?" Solemn
otranger-''No, grass. New York
Press.
The bulldog has pretty tight grip
in this world, though he often escapes
trouble by the me1e skin of his teeth.
Truth.
Gunson-"A Another increase in Your
family, eh? Son or daughter?"
Bilbee Cgloomingly)-"Son-in-iaw," -
Kate Fields Washington.
GIVE come out of this tight squeeze
in pretty good shape" said the new
half-dollar, fresh from the stamping
machine. Chicago Tribune.
''Man wants but little here below"
But It's this fact that daunts-
He's sure to get n little less
Than the little that he wants.
Washington Star
Some of the fashionable schools are
making worldwide regulations by
teaching the young lady students to
spell their names wrong. Galveston
News.
In the American Colony; Shells
Miss Bond engaged to Prince Sans.
sou?" He-"Not exactly. He has an
option for ninety days, l believe. -
Harlem Life.
When II woman has quail for dinner
she wants to invite in neighbor, so
the neighbor may know it, but man
doesn't want anybody there but him
self. -Atchison Globe.
Customer lin bookstore) -'I would
like to get some good book on faith.
Clerk Sorry, sir, but our rule it to
sell nothing to strangers except for
cash. Buffalo Courier.
Miss Newcombe-1'S 1'Seems to be rather
good year this for fruit, Giles? Are
all your trees as full of apples as that
one !" Giles-"Oh, nav, miss, only
the apple trees. Judy
He had II sorrel trotting-horse
Which was so pesky slow
He named him Chinese, after a while.
Because he wouldn't go,
Detroit Free Press.
Van Noodle-"D'yer know, Miss
Tungbit, that old duffer Chapwith
called me muf' the other night?" |
Miss Tungbit-'Indeed? Why, 1 think
you more closely resemble boa."-
Brooklyn Life.
Jack (who has popped)-"It takes
you long time to decide" Nettie-
81 know it; and I've about concluded
to wear demi-train of white chiffon
over white silk and have no brides
maids. Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Billus latter the company had
Johnny, you shouldn't have
eaton those preserved fruits, They
were not intended to be eaten. They
were put on the table to fillup" Johnny
"Well, that's what I used EN-
for, mamma. Chicago Tribune.
Two cabmen a short time ago had a
fishing match for half sovereign and
drinks. Suddenly one of the iarvies
fancied he had bite, and, being over
anxious, had the misfortune to fall
INTO the river. On his regaining the
'hore, his rival shouted out "All bets
ire off, jim 4; none O. yer divin' in after
EN-. Tit Bits.