Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-03-05
JUST FOR FUN.

v
the best music.
Starting to heaven on gravestone
is risky business.
If you wear religion as cloak your
soul may freeze to death.
There is nothing more positive than
woman's negative.
Perseverance can accomplish won
ders, but it can not make a bad egg
hatch
Build fence anywhere, and the
first boy who comes along will want
to climb it.
Many a man fights for his creed who
never thinks of carrying an umbrella
for his wife.
A preacher with dyspepsia has to
keep very close to the Lord to preach
the gospel right.
1t is hard to convincs the young
that Time has not hung up his scythe
and gone to sleep.
The devil never keeps out OF a home
simply because there is a handsome
Bible on the parlor table.
Tommy, who was Joan Of Arc? ask
ed the teacher. Noah's wife, said
Tommy, who is great at guessing.
Street-car drivers and others who are con-
stantly exposed to all kinds of weather. and
cannot find time to lay by, should ever bear
in mind this plain fact that DR.. Bulls Cough
Syrup cures coughs and colds 1t is unequal
ed
Waiter, it is almost an hour since
ordered that turtle soup. Sorry, Sir;
but you know how slow turtles are.
She-He's no poet. Why, he makes
ehow' rhyme with wood He-No
poet? Who but poet could do that?
Mamma-Now, Freddie. Freddie
All; what is the use Of acting like a
little man when you get served like
little boy?
"Would you call Dauber a number
one artist?' "Well, er-I should
think from his luck that number thir
teen would nearer describe him."
Is Miss Fosdick still president of
your Society for the Suppression OF
Slang, Miss Skidds? No; she got too
fresh, and we turned her down.
A subscriber writes, asking the
meaning of the ''silent watches of the
night.'' We answer with pleasure
that they are those which the owners
neglect to wind up before retiring.
A mouse lately showed great pres
ence Of mind on falling into dish of
cream. It swan round and round
violently, until it was able to crawl
out on the butter. This was in Ameri-
| ca.
Old lady (to niece who is portion
| less -HoW is it, my dear, that you
have never kindled fame in the bo
som of man? Niece-The reas on, dear
aunt, is, as you we'll know, that am
not a good match.
The Fire Department in every city could
not do better than to keep a dozen of Saliva
ton Oil at each station. 1t instantly relieves
all burns, scalds and bruises, and in few
days makes effectual cure of the wound
Is cents.
Little Miss Mugg = My mamma
new dress was made in Europe. Miss
Freckles-H Huh! That's nothin7. Our
new servant girl JUS landed las week,
an all her clothes were made in Eu-
rope-So there!
The Kindly Old Gentleman-Do you
know, my good man, what was meant
by the metaphorical expression Of
asking for bread and receiving q
stone? Weary Wraggles-Shure! It's
when somebody gives you work
An authority on the just proportions
of the human form says, The ears
should be SO placed as not to be high
er than the eyebrows or lower than
the tip of the nose. People who are
dressing for party should not forget
this.
Mistress-I don't want you to have
SO much company. You have more
company in a day than I have in a
week. Domestic-Well, mum, per-
haps if you'd try to be a little more
agreeable you'd have as many friends
as have got.
Children Cry for