The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-01-06
A LIMITED HONEYMOON.
Would he bridegroom Declares His
Prospective Plans.


Prospective Plans.
His back was bumped up, his knees bad
ly sprung, and there was a squeak in his
voice as he fondly smoothed down his long
Roatee and inquired:
Stranger, could you tell that I'd lest
paid 80 cents to hev these whiskers dyed9
Jest stand off and squint at 'em and gimme
an honest answer"
Yes, 1 could tell that they had been
dyed" l replied.
80 could /, but that's all right Got my
HAIR dyed ut the same time. How old would
you take me to be?"
well, about 80"
THAT wos my objcck-to deceive the
public in gineral and the Widder Spicer in
pertickler. Pm ~ years old"
You have an object them" 1 asked.
u hev Pm goin to git married.
Mop
That is, if the widdcr fills the bill Pm
goin down to Skinncrsvillc today to see her.
Ii she fills the bill, she's my jaybird to love
ami cherish; If she don't, she's somebody
else's jaybrd What dye think of an old
chap of ~ shinin up to II witldcr of 2S?"
Such matches generally bring trouble"
Yes, s'posc they do, and the old chaps
are gnerally to blame fur it. left all the
children cryin around, and the last thing
my oldest gal said was that I'd he finnn.
shually wrecked in three months All OF
'em figger that the wilder is after my
money and that she'll make the dollars tly
like feathers"
but you don't think sop
Not this cvcnin stranger. When n wild.
der picks this old mossback up fur Il fiat
she's bound to git left had farm but
I've put it outer my hands. | had Il hired
gal dom the work, but I've let her 90. |
had three cows to milk, and I've bought
two lnOrc.n
The widow will have plenty of work
eh!"
"More'n hundred pounds of carpet rags
waitin to be scwcd," whispered the old man
as he drew down his eye. Seven of us &c
cook, wash and mend fur. Cellar hain't
bin whitewashed fur three years, and all
the house has got to be cleaned. Pve
throwed the well pump away and gone
back TO rope and bucket, and it's comm
on time to dry pumpkins, smoke meat and
pick the geese"
''Shc wont have much of n honeymoon "
l suggested
Bridal tower is goin to be lust eight
miles long!' he said Us he winked the other
eye. I've got it all planned, and the cost
is Sl.5O Ive already bought her 10 yards
OF caliker and g pair of shoes, and she
can't h1v no excuse to run to the store fur
year. The only money shall hev about
the house is this 80 cent piece with hole
i'll it. Stranger, look me all over as turn
around"
Whats the ideaf'
ITO sec if any flies hev lit on me while
we've bin talkin."
NO, don't see any"
Il didn't much 'spcct you would Thar
wasn't any OH me when left home, though
Pm ~ years old, and thar won't be any on
me when l stand before that widder and
offer her my heart and hand. Think OF
them children a-takin on because that wild
der is goin to wreck me inside of three
months and then think Of the widder tryin
1t on me! Say, stranger"
"WellW
jest one word more. I've got seven
hogs in the pen up home, and I'll bet the
hull of 'cm agin ldollar that instead of the
widdcr wrcckin me I'll borrow her last
shillin to pay fur gcttin my HAIR and wills.
kers dyed up an TO fix the preacher whc
marries us. Tho children don't know me.
I'm a-gettin wife, hired man, hired gal,
SEWN woman an Il mother fur em all com.
bincd i'll one, and l don't actually believe
the hull expense will amount to over So.
Thar Is moss in the woods around here.
stranger, but none GROWN on my spinal
column. Thar is flies a-fyin about this
depot, but you jest notice that none of 'em
stop to light on the Observation-Disclosures
Free Press.