The morning call., 1894-10-20

TO his wishbone, carefully hidden by folds
of his own fat which conceal that ossifca-
tion, a delightful little plan which he
hoped TO spring on his devoted followers.
That plan has gone glimmering now, and
that Is why eX-Private Detective Mahoney
is sad, why his soul is aweary and why
chunks of gloom persist in gathering on
bis wtinkled front.
Shortly after his nomination for Senator
from the Twenty-fourth District THE
CALI. was careful 10 point out what a
seraphicaiy pure individual Mahoney was.
A carefully prepared list of his many and
varied charities was collated, all the
changes were rung on his manifest viz
tues. and notation was made that this
shining example of all that was good had
been unanimously named Jerry the Pure.
Well, at any rate. eX-Private Detective
Mahouey, who is an ardent aGmirer of
THE CALL, woke uD bright and early on
the morning of the publication and was
ks;mply paralyZed at the long array of good
' marks The recording angel had credited
against his name. His modesty immedl-
aIely forbade him to believe in the whole
truth of the record presented, but his
humanity could not help feeling fiattered.
eral seconds, his soul bounded for JOY,
and distinct robbings in the region OF
each of his shoulder blades warned him
that something was about to happen. He
came to himself at once, alarmed at this
new sensation, and, upon consultation
with physician, found what he had ex-
pected was about to occur.
He was about to sprOut q pair OF wings.
g.. 4
him, for a week or sO-maybe month
but they were bound to come, and there
was no help for it. 1t was the natural
consequence of such condensation of pur
ity into the human frame, and the shoul-
der-blades of the corpulent eX-detective
would shortly become pinnated glories on
which he would sail gracefully into the
State House at Sacramento.
Well. Maboney thought it over, saw
there was no escape from it and resigned
himself 10 the inevitable. He would ac-
crpt The wings as an acknowledgment Of
those virtues which it would be useless
longer for him 20 conceal. His mOdesty.
however, c0unseled him TO delay the de-
velopment until be had had time to break
il gently TO one or two of his croDies, they
in turn to disseminate the news and pre-
On each OF his shoulder blades and on
the broad expanse of back between Ma
honey glued large areas of porous plasters.
In turn these were held down by loug and
strong bandages, Ranked fore and aft by
a chest-protector and liver pad, so that
there could not be the slightest chance for
the tiniest feather OF the smallest wing to
escape. The plasters were warranted 10
] II, -
10 hold them in certain check for at least
two weeks. Then Mahoney once more
appeared in the broad open light Of the
day, confident that the news of his ap-
preaching Serapbication would be aIlowe
to break gently on the minds of his con-
stituents.
Two weeks passed and the throbbings
of the shoulder blades, which had become
painfully fainter after the first day, ceased
altogether; the bandages loosened of their
own accord, the liver pad and the chest
: protector became baggy. and the porous
plasteTs hung perIunctorily on the Ma
honey epidermls. Something was de-
cidedly wrong, and Jerry the Pure, more
anxious than ever, haslened again to his
physician.
Ten minutes later the chunks o. gloom
which now mantle the Jeremiac brow put
in their first appearance. The physician
had informed the bemefactor of Young d ok
Jessup that it was a false alarm. that
there was not sign Of wings, and that the
intense throbbings had probably been
caused by aggravated fea-bites.
That would be pretty nearly enough of
disappointment 10 have driven most men
to des peratinn. Even the impeccable Ma.
honey was Gistraught for a moment. but
the same old purity which had pulled him
through in many a tight pinch before
stood him in stead this time too. Grid
ing his loins and gritting his teeth. he
carelessly tore the liver pad aud the chest
protector from about his person, cast the
superfuOuS porous plasters to the winds
and sent out messenger boys for his
trusted lieutenants to switch the cut.
make q new zeal and spread the news that
it was all a canaTd that Mahoney was
growing wings. and that it had been cir
culated TO injure the puTist, Jerry the
Pure.
1t was just in time, too. that this order
went forth. When the first intimation o1
wing culture had gone forth, the thugs and
thieves and dive-keepers and the parasites
Of fallen women who had always worked
and voted with and for Mahoney began
TO have their doubts. They had only seer
him before in the gay artlessness of bis
buoyant nature cracking few smal
bottles here and there in the dives and
chatting familiarlv with such charming
gentlemen as Woode osed Rafferty, and
Eat-'Em Up Pete. They had known him
only as Standing in with the push" fol
the very good reason that to had thought
best TO conceal altogether in the tender
loin district just what a really pure man
he was. Their alarm can be imagined
when they first heard that he was not the
hide0us, lDw-souied person he had as
sumed to be in their presence; they re-
alZed that good aud pure man had
been wearing hideous mask of familiar
ity with vice, had been associated IA
mhiarly for years with the yilest of their
rIbald crew, all for the good of virtue and
the downfall of everything loathsome in
which they reveled from which they re-
celved support Il came upon them Iike e light
ming from clear sky, like sandbag out
of dark alley. They got together al
once, discussed the situation, determined
to send scouts 10 the rooms of the Maboney
to see II the reports were true, when the
contradiction came fying in.
Mahoney's bacon was saved. The toughs,