Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-02-25
IN church.yara. IN IIornsey. London.


Some 10 breakfast and away;
| Others 20 dinner stay.
! The oldest sup and so 10 bed.
| Long Is HIS bin i>who fingers out the day,
| lie who goes soonest has the least 70
| Somehow or other these lineS-ani I an
| frank 10 admit that I've nege: heard thc.ii
| before-have Kept running throdah my
| head ever since that nystefious ftxaa
dropped them into my shor-ian br3k,
| ard y seems 90 me that ~ nc c0ain.
! ol1 words I res q 9guful moral. Sur-
| poe, for instance. when We buried ii'iic
| cnrd-rctOinci 90 tho son tiiy fc"tr
! the, led barely pceped o: Satnr . suit
/ etin e-uc nsseej % remember lhai nc
! who rscs ft. soonest has tlss nst 10
rav" .ni Go yc not see it exc a3iil
/, nsr, hun8a ilf~ and do yc not al
oftGm. fel thai IN 'be % rius cri tHf
az" 81. ave Indeed fayins derry ~ or
earthly solcmh;
n looks 10 mc az ii no one e'sc ever
reads the books that strike my fancy. and
sometimes | decide that either the gene
raj puli.c or myself must have diabolical
literary taste. Generally | conclude that
il * the former Now. for my part.
always did and always VIII love good,
whole-sOuled murder or detective story
NOT the "Old Sieuth' kind. oh, Heavens,
i uOf-DNt
ling, yet withal well written and carefully
( conceived when | came across Dr. CO.
nan Doyle, over whom the English public
/ are now ravlng ] realized that i had
/ found my ideal. and when j read "A
/ Study In Scarlet" MY Friend, the Muir
dercr." and his other short stories, !
! almost had 10 resign my position TO keep
( mn with them. Sherlock Holmes, the hero
OF all Doyle's most famous works. was 4
sort Of combination scientist and detec-
! tive. who fcfreted out mysteries by ms
wonderful reasoning powers. yet never uil
/ the blood and thunder act. He was
/ uniaue. eccentric character. and whether
/ his profession paid or not, ! am pretty
! sure he made a snug little fortune for
Conan Doyle. But now, alas. they tell
us that the author has killed Sherlock
l Holmes-the imaginary goose who. must
have laid many golden egg for its mas
{ ter. Some one asked Or. Doyle why he
slew Sherlock. and the writer replied, Il
either had 20 kill him or he would have
/ Killed me-" / suppose he meant TO imply
by that the mental strain OF sustaining
/ the character was too great for him. II is
/ frequently the case with authors as with
actors who have TO come before the cur
tain after they are supposed to be dead'
that public seuiiement compels them 10
! rcsurrect their characters long after they
are alleged to be under the sod. Marx
Twain was forced 10 keep the ''wind' IN
Colonel Mulberry Sellers for years ana
although the Colonel was himself an impe-
cunious old duffer with his head crainme1
fun Of wildcat schemes. he put many
dollar IN Marks pocket. 1t must nave
taken Victor Hugo months and months to
get rid Of Jean Vatican, and Thackeray
was so pleased with Henry Esmond that
he kept the family running for several
generations. ! like 10 see an author 90
This. II shows that he has put his heart
ard soul into the hero and hates 10 part
with him. just as he would with an old
friend. II / recolect correctly. no writer
ever exhibits the same fondness for the
villain I'm his books. one volume gene
rally suhces TO slaughter him.
Speaking about humor and humorists
! must admit. as ! have intimated before
that have a natural-born antipathy TO
funny people and funny writer's. Beiore l
WAS Is ! had read, dreamt, and feastei
upon All Of Charles Dickens works save
"Pickwick Papers" and to this day have
never been abe TO peruse that massive
volume. It's humorous as humorous can
be- but somehow / don't enjoy II, and !
/ have seen scores OF people who agreed
! with me in my whm. Dickens appeals 10
the reader 10y his pathos and after all
pathog-if IL be thoroughly gentle ana
sympathetic-is by far the best way TO
capture the public. Don't understand me
as implying that the public are sympa-
thatic in real life. FOR they are not but
they certainly are towards imaginary char-
acters. You see It doesn't cost them any
thing to pity an imaginary character.
There IS only one humorist who pleases
ne. and he is Mark Twain-the great and
incompatible. His fame Is reaching every
land, and he IS one of the few American
authors whom exclusive English literary
circes have deigned 10 honor. Mark doesn't
think ne Is a humorous, and, in fact, he
asserts with the utmost gravity that he
Is a very serious man. ] believe he makes
this statement without the least affecta-
tion. for when man really begins to think
ne IS funny. then good-by to his humor.
Twaln's face shows. too. that he is serious,
and if some Of the pictures 1 have seen
portray him accurately there is even
look Of sadness on his face. They say
he is an incessant smoker. and he finds
his greatest consolation in a corn-cob
pipe. Whether at home or abroad b.
carries this source of inspiration with
him. Mark used to be a San Francisco re-
porter. and that is one thing that makes
me feel an the more kindly towards him,
though. as "A matter of fact, E.Aarly all
the popular writers OF the present day
are eX-newspaper men.
When Bret Harte wrote his Heather
Chince" he set the public a-roarin' with
laughter and they forthwith decreed that
ne should be a humorous writer but Bret
didn't see IL that way. He had sense
enough to know what a burden he would
impose upon himself If he undertook that
style and so, despite many protests he
abandoned it,. His example Is good one
To follow There is a young reporter on
an afternoon paper in Richmond to-day
who is writing some remarkably bright.
humorous matter. and though he has only
been in the newspaper business a few
months. ne has already won himself quite
q name. lie is very youthful and the
memory of his college days is still fresh in
his mind: but all the same he Is way
ahead OF some of us Older chaps, for he's
got a vocabulary that would make a great
big dictionary. II that young man
were TO ask my advice about his work l
would tell him never to be humorous un-
less he absolutely couldn't help himself, for
when once he commences that strain his
friends will never suffer him to abandon
IL. And. yielding TO their persuasions, he
will innict hours of misery upon himself.
for the time will surely come when he VIII
want TO be serious. and when he Will not
dare 10 be so. Real. genuine, hrst-class
humor Is smothered humor-that Is to say,
il is a sort OF literary cat In the bag that
will get out, yet nevertheless ought to be
kept confined. If we struggle TO Keep this
metaphorical feline incarcerated, IL VIII
be all the more fun when she does escape.
Take note of this. "Bobbic Goideh' ana
harken unto the oracular utterances OF
Vour grandfather There isn't man in
Virginia who could have written that
"wheelbarrow story more cleveriy than
YOU: but remember, there are times when
oven wheclbarrows go back on us.
THE IDLE REPORTER.
Condition of Business In Virginia.
The Snow-Church Company's weekly re-
view of trade Is as follows: Generai pusi-
NA9A IEl