Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-02-15
The
Drummer's Story

Whats the matter, old man? You
don't look or act like yourself: hope
you're lot in for the grip; there's L
powerful sight Of it about these days.
Better take a hot whisky, it'll set you
up on your pins. There is nothing 50
good to knock out a cold as whisky
and glycerine-the glycerine, however,
is optional"-and the speaker, 4 great.
brOad-ShOuldered, pleaSant-faced fell
low laughed at his own witticism.
"Never mind me, Tom," replied the
one addressed. I'm a little off my
feet, that's all. If 1 We're a woman
I would say l bad the blues"
NO" declared Tom, with good
natured pe~rsistently, there must be
something radically wrong with you.
l never saw you before when you
weren't good for as many drinks as
the rest Of us. You haven't tasted any
thing tonight but a little lemon and
settler, and it's no wonder you are
depressed. Lemons are frightfully
lowering, aren't they, boys?"
The boys assented to this query and
proved very promptly that they Were
not going to run any risk of having
their spirits or temperature lowered
by contact with any wishy-washy
drinks. and the order for another
round vas at once given to the smiling
waiter. Six or eight men sat around
a small table in the cafe of Il we'll
known hnta1 Prom fhnjy. rr,opnnl an1
conversation it was easily learned that
they were ''drummers,' one for q
wholesale dry goods house, another for
leather supplies, another booming up
business for something else, and Sc on
through the gamut of commercial en-
terprises.
Tom and his friend, Jack Behrens,
We're recognized leaders in this wander
ing aristocracy trade, and whenever
good fortune brought the representa-
tives of various industies under one
roof, if Jack and Tom had turned up,
then Il good time with a lot of particu-
larly spicy stories, was to be anticipat-
ed. On this occasion, however, Jack
was not his usual light-hearted self.
II ldu DtClI lIDtlSCdDIC IhC 1llN.
he had joined his friends, and as the
evening wore 0 he grew more rather
than less constrained.
r ! good-natured banter of his CON-
/ pa 4ons apparently annoyed him, and
finally they declared that he must have
experienced a change of heart when
he seriously averred that he hadn't
even M single solitary new story.
81 don't believe it," laughed Tom.
"Nor /, nor l." came the echoing
chorus from the others.
Pull yourself together, old chap,
take a bracer and sweep the cobwebs
from your brain and then see if there
isn't something in your old noddle that
is worth listening to-"
Boys" said Jack. 81 have got 4
new story, but I am afraid you won't
car for it"
1--WE knew you could tell us a ripDe1
if you wanted to-" said an admirer,
as he tossed off his whisky and set
tied himself in a listening attitude.
"Whatever it is" smiled Tom, sit is
sure to prove interesting; old Jack has
a rare way for telling even the feeblest
jokes that makes you laugh in spite
Of yourself"
ut is not exactly the sort Of a story
I have told before, nor is it the XII
Of a one that is usually told when
wine and cigars are in order, but as
1t is uppermost in my mind tonight
r I'LL AL - md tr1,cf fh0f Won follows
! Will accept it as I mean it."
"AIl right, fire ahead"
"You know" began Jack, "for the
last five years I have Travelled over the
same territory west of Philadelphia
as far as Kansas City. On ~ of my
first trips we reached a little jay town
about 4 o'clock in the afternoon. 1t
was customary to stop at such a place
on flag only, therefore those who were
accustomed to the route exhibited some
curiosity as to who would get on
board. I, together with several other
statesmen, leaned out Of the windows.
and we soon discovered that 1t was
a bride and groom that we had stop
ped for.
Drawn up beside the nckety build
ing that did duty as a station were a
couple Of horses attached to a tumble
down carriage, the whole outfit decked
in white ribbons, while a merry party
Of young people pelted the blushins
pair with handfuls of rice, 30 that
when they entered the a they were
greeted with knowing smiles that
made the bride blush all the harder
and caused the groom to look sort OF
defiant, as though he would like to
tell us all to mind our own business.
81 didn't take much notice of him.
he seemed like any man would under
the circumstances, but she-she was
the sweetest, purest prairie flower
that I had ever seem"
81 knew there was a woman in it
some where" whispered Tom. Jacks
stories are never complete without a
woman"
Not noticing the interruption, the
narrator went on: my next stop was
at Belleville. a new town where there
were several hustlers whom / could al
ways rely on for a good order. 1t was
only natural, when / found that the
bride and groom were to get off there
also, that I took a second look at them,
and, boys, I'll never forget that girls