Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-08-16
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

la IAbLE ShLAO.
You never hear a couple of lovers /
complain Of mosquitoes on the front |
porch.-Galveston News.
Hospital Physiciannn'.Yon are all
bruised up, | see.' P2tient-"1es; l
came in an ambulance. Life.
AT Breakfast-"Will you pas. the
sugar." said the senator's wife. Have
we done much OF anything else: IN
quired the absent-minded statesman
Washington Star. ,
Reporter is an item about a
boy who went .wading IN Florida ana
was swallowed by an alligatqr ., What
and Found Wanting printers Ink.
Broadly speaking, this world of ours
may be divided into two classes. people
who have trouble with their servants
and people who can't afford 70 have any
servants to have trouble with.-Somer-
vile Journal!
-Lushley-"I hadn't been at my new
boarding house twenty four hours before
l knew the landlady was opposed to
strong drink" Lashley-"How'd you
tell: BY her TALK" Lushley-"No; by
her coffee Buffalo Courier.
Fond Mother-'Do you think my
daughter will become tine pianist:
Prof. Won Thump-'1 am atrait nod,
madame But after another years prac-
tee her fingers will be linbered up Sc, dot
she can make a brilliant success NIT
typewriter" News.
Miss Faith Cure-'Now, Mrs. Blunt,
after hearing the experiences of our
brothers and sisters and what divine
mercy has done for their salvation, don't
you think you would like to join us?',.
Mrs. Blunt-"No, thanks. I'm afraid
I'm not bad enough. Judge.
Jack Manley-"Look here, Willy! Be
cause you have lost your heart to that
girl, it is no reason why you should lose
your head" Willy Weaktop-"W you
see. Jack. my heart was in my mouth
when | proposed to her, and in accepting
my heart she took my head With it,
Harper's Bazaar.
A Text for Dress Reformers: 'Woe
to the women that sew pillows to all arm
holes. Ezekiel, Xiii, 1S.-Truth.
Miss Streeter is learning to ride {.
BICYCLE How is she succeeding:"
mel them" Druggist Eyes: | think We
can dispense without you.'-Harvard
LampOOn.
The poker table is about the only
| place where a man can have the blues
and be happy. at one and the same time
Buffalo Courier.
-Wigwag referred to a conversation
he had had with two female deaf mutes
as "a little exercise with the dumb
bellies. Philadelphia Record.
George (seriously)-"Do you think
you:'' Ada don't know if he's any
thing like me he would. It'd Bits.
-"America has no standing army, 1
believe said the foreigner 1T is clear
you haven't spent much time in the street
cars of this great country replied the
native.-Truth.
Office Boy-"Dere's two men out dere
Of 'n,S9fS md
tother n s a def man." Editor-"Well,
go out and tell the poet that the deaf
man is the editor.'-Puck.
"A Heroic Measure-"You'r re not in
love- Robbie. You only think you are"
We'll. how the dickens am l to find out
my mistake if l am mistakenly "Oh,
marry the young woman by all means. -
Harpers Bazaar.
WAS it drink that brought you to
this placer asked the young woman who
was engaged in philanthropic work mo,
miss replied the hardened offender
Twas the lack of it. | WIS that done
up wild thirst thet | tried ter steal key
O beer. ashington Star.
Miss Citimaid Gn the country)-"Why
is it that you country people, when YOU
come to the city, always go to some the
alter that is presenting a play full Of coun-
try -farmhouses, fields, agricult-
ural machinery, hay wagons, and such
don't care so much for the plays; but |
just tell you it's a mighty comfort to sit
and enjoy country scenes without mos
quitoes. New York Weekly.
Students of language would confer a
favor by deciding whether an advanced
and a forward woman are the same
Philadelphia Times.
-Clerk-"I would like to have my sal
airy raised. Boggs gets Sc more than me,
and he don't do any more work 1t is I'M
just Employer-"Ye it is unjust. I'll
reduce Boggs' salary $6."-Philadelph
Record.