Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-03-03
and blossomed with hot rolls.


stomach and can testify to the excellence
OF the menu. Goldfish was not served as
brook trout today and Oregon salmon to-
morrow, and ROSTERS did not have 20 do
uuty as prairie hens and grouse on alternate
days.
n ReincarnatiOn.
Well went on the colonel. "I got tired
at last OF this sort of thing and concluded
10 go down to Samos and get my body.
arriving there l found that Juno had been
bought Tor the New York Academy of Arts
ana that my apparently lifeless body had
oeeh carried down to the morgue at the
sixth precinct station and, being uniden-
tiheu' was buried in potters field. Thither
my spirit flew. a hole had been Knocked
IN the head of my box, Jansen had put a
moose around me and drawn me up and
mad turned me over to the janitor of med
ical college Then the demonstraror had
opened my jugular and pumped my heart
and arteries full of plaster of Paris and
chemicals. When l reached the college
they We're experimenting with me, and had
SO Scared me that / could scarcely recog-
nize myself. In the street below :isfuneral
was passing. Bells toled VICE. braeZes sigh
eu In pity and flowers dropped in grief.
followed. At the grave the cortage paused
The lid of the casket was raised and the
face of lovely girl lay exposed to the sor-
rowing multitude. My spirit, weary of wing
of the dead girl. The flush of life returned;
the eyes of cyanite reoped; he p,ourners
turned pale, and Mysteries reigned. [ rode
nome In the same hack with my pall-bear-
ers and wore white rose that had done
duty in the broken shaft in my hair.
THE pall-bearers We're nice young men
and had evidently been on good terms with
the girl. 1t was her body, but it was my
soul Everybody thought me wondrously
changed, but attributed it to nv horribly
narrow escape from live burial / was per-
mitted to read my own death notice in The
Star. appended to which was a poem al
legged to have been written by my parents
but which was really cribbed from an anon
ymous author who had been afrai1 to
sign 1t. l shook hands with my undertaken
and took several baths to free myself from
the perfume of alcohol and embalm;ng
fluids. l congratulated the family minister
on the eloquent manner in which ne had
exaggerated my virtues, and 1 got space
rates for special story in a medical l,aper
on HOW 1t Feels to Die / had a good
deal OF trouble in my new surroundings.
L could not walk comfortably in dresses
and would tear the lace off my train at
every stride but when / was not In my
dresses 1 used to blush but could never de-
eide whether it was the girl or me who
FLUSHED. 1t got SO finally that l did not
even care to go in swimming with myself.
L would have released myself from nv trou-
bles. but had left the flask of immortality
bitters in my apartments at Samos and
could not undo myself. Eventually / grew
so weary of being fiirted with at the cor
ners OF 9th and the avenue and 18th and +
streets that decided to go back 10 Samos
and get drink.
Meeting With Struthers.
"On the steamer there was a rich cattle
man from Montana named Struthers. He
fell in love with me at first sight 1 was
very beautiful. l did not use a portable
complexion; did not bite my nails with Ior-
celain teeth; did not depend on the uphol-
sterer for my resemblance to Venus; did
not twist my Psyche knot with a growth of
somebody else's hair, and did not tomanawk
my victims for theater tickets and cham
payne suppers. / rendered myself even
more beautiful than / was by appearing not
to know ii. Mr.. Struthers would call me
his Helene in the most swect-sceuted,
sugar-coated way, tell me of his palace by
the Lake of Como, of how the birds should
syllable my name and the horse tanks
should gush forth in the midst of roses.
took it all in, of course. At last the nuptial
day came We'll | was the CARL derndeSt
feeling bride that was ever roped into the
failure of marriage or dashed with the n.y.
meneal hawsaw.
well, soon after our honeymoon waned
and II was the most rip-roaring honeymoon
that any parson ever turned loose, or any
clerk of the court ever licensed, set
tied in beautiful villa on the palisades of
James Creek canal. Naturally, Mr.. Struth-
ers died As | looked into the pallid face of
my late lamented husband and was about
concluding to make his funeral one of the
handsomest social events which the regular
funeral patrons of this city had ever seen,
an inspiration came to me.
From Helene to jim.
81 would be Jim. and cease to be Helene
Three fingers of Juno's liquor would do the
job. l wrote a note of farewell to the world
asked to be forgiven for my rashness,
sprlnkled it with some tears from the wash
pitcher and laid it en- my dressing case.
Then 1 swallowed the peculiar potion, and
just as my dear soul was departing this
life, plunged a razor into my pretty. rosy
bosom and once more came into flesh, as
James Struthers. The body in which | had
lived as Helene was discovered with its
CHASTITY scar, and l was arrested on the
charge of having wantonly destroyed my
wife. The note which was signed Helene
and saying Farewell forever" was proved
to be written in my hand, and i got into
devil of a scrape. l tried to explain by
making full confession, but the Judge said
it was too thin. and The district attorney
roasted me- However, my confession
aroused doubts as to whether my brain was
tangled out of tune, and l was adjudged
insane by board OF alienists. After yari-
Gus ups and downs l managed to get out
the best cures for strangula ton that
know: 1 always recommend it to my
friends"
BY this time The Star man was utterly
imp. the southern blonde with the dimpe
In her chin was gasping on the sofa and
the girl who distorts her face every time
she eats an olive, and then takes the stones
out with her fingers, was paralyzed The
palms waved In dismay; the flowers wilted:
the ferns skunk away from sight and the
paintings turned their faces to the wall
Col. Struthers leaned against the heater
and The Star man, In rushing from the
overheard
Yes. yes, l was a lady once myself"