Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-11-04
"A GAME OF BLUFF"
The Idler Tells How He Plays the Part
Of Host.
PUTS TIE BEST FOOT FORWARD
4 Policeman. Dog, and asqnirrsi-sef1ous
Complications Between the Three
Let There BE Peace.

The hospitality Of the OLD Dominion
| folk has been the theme OF many a
! writer, and the traditional warm-hearted-
ness Of Virginia hosts and hostesses has
| been lauded until Il IS as fixed In history
| as the Methodist preachers love for fried
| chicken. We have some Of this sort OK
| hospitality at our house, and many are
the occasions when we slay the fatted
| pullet and pour out libations from our
| molasses jug. Great indeed are those
| moments when we entertain company
and work the mighty game OF bluff by
making people think We roll In wealth,
| whereas we usually subslst at the free
| lunch counter. Hospitality IS beautiful
| ching and well worthy OF commentator
| Especially when you are the beneficiary.
but look not. ohl happy guest. into the
| cupboard of your host. Seek not TO know
| II the ham-bone which adorns the table
has another joint. Ask not II the silver
| plate which sparkles on tho festal board Is
borrowed, and suspect not when yoI
swallow the last hunk OF butter In tho
| dish that We could not produce another
| ounce II we were to be hung. Forget
| that wolves have oftmes howled around
| the doors OF many a home when out
| sders heard them not and knew not or
| their presence. There ara two sides to
| Virginia hospitality those hard times
| one side that Is as bright as the cut
glass on the table, and the other that IS
as dark az the empty larder which
! would fain be fun.
| When Company" visits our home we
! have the best-regulated household in
| America. and everything goes along as
! beautifully as a poets dream. The chill
| dren's faces are as clean as IL they had
| Just been shaved, and their conduct is
| worthy Of imitation by the best-regulated
| Sunday-schOOl classes. They Keep ono
/ eye on me as the restraining influence,
| and the other upon the table whlch
| contains the last instalment Of our years $
! preserves and sweetmeats. My dignity
| awes the Youngsters, and the seni-annuai
| clean Shirt which adOrns my person ex-
| cites their reverence almost as mucn rs
| does the immaculateness or my paper
! collar Several times they start to COM
| ment on my unusual solemnlty and dig
| nifty, but, having been drilled beforehand.
| they are checked with a single glance
| from my eagle eye. And yet, IN spite OF
all can do. they get the better OF me.
| Knowing that l am particularly desirous
| of impressing my guests with my pafehtai
! Indulgence, they take occasion at an un-
| expected moment 10 ask mo for cents,
| for full well they realize that re
| fusal on my part would be inconsistent
| with my general demeanor. Cheertully
produce the desired chip, but the lurid
| glare which sparkles unseen TO the "com-
| pany" in my eyo betokens trouble after
| the guests have gone. and is sure
| sign that I shall make efforts TO re-
| cover the cents at favorable mo-
| ment And. then. too the youngsters
| have another trick which always serV' y
| them well when l am host. II - on
| such occasions as these that they, IN
| the presence Of my visitors. CONFESS thelr
| sins to M. and own up to dect5 that.
| under ordinary circumstances. Wouid ne
| cessitate the coerciye influences or 4
| barrel-stave Little bitches Of ehis SORT
| will occur when l entertain, but they
| are smoothed over. and people VINO come
| 10 see me say that my home lie is
| beautiful.
And beautiful It IS too. but the NisifoF
sho drops In Just before m'al tne
| eeeth not our cook 85 she scurrles around
| sufficient dishes to deck our tables ana
| lie s,Ispecteth not that the feast OF whlch
| h. l. so soon to partake WAS bought az
/ the corner grocery ten minutes aft'r ms
| arrival Little does he dream tndt the
| silver which brightens our festal board
Is furnished by syilpathizing friends next
| door, and that tie liberal allowance OF
sugar in his coffee vii! deprive u ot
! the saccharine IuNury for the next six
Il ~ ya
| when | beseechngly urge him ID nave
another slice Of pie. my heart Is In ny
| mouth for fear he Will say yes. lnno-
! Gently as the flgu-ative lamb he gathers
| I'm the chicken glZZarl when We are al
| wing in wait for this luxury, AMI
| hlandlv he devours the egg Off the salad
| when the tangs If all the juveniles ars
| watering for the same. After ne h's
| drank two cups Of coffee ! suddenly re-
| member TO ask him If he wouldn't prefer
| tea. or milk, or chocolate. and when he
| has devoured three fourths Of the chicken
| as much as ha can reasonably contalM
beg him 20 have n piece Of the eNcelrnt
, roast beef we have (nOO In the cupboard
| II he were 70 say yes T would faint. but
am too smast to take any dangerous
| chance. When our preacher visits US, the
| whole household goes into panic, ana the
! Isaud-paperng process 10 which the ;aces
4
| oxcruciating II | sec him coming around
| the corner soon enough / get the cook 10
| steer him into the parlOr 50 that ] may
! have tim9 to arrange the family BiD!e
| in a conspicuous place on the table, anu
| scatter 4 few other religious works arDuNd
| The room. Then, vith "Fox's Book Of
| Martyrs" under my arm, and wltb my
| cleanest yOungster accompanying me
| stroll into the parlor. As / approach the
| f-l ,frnfr h
| cOaxed I explain u Biblical parable 70
the youngster in tones 50 audible that tho
| parsou can hear me a / approach. AZ
| dinner | say grace 0he first time since
/ our preacher paid rs his last Vlsitl, ana
| incidentally I fOndly ailUde 10 the cnfO'
| mos which the sand-papered faced menus
| captured at their Sabbath school. THO
| lady of the house makes casual ahusiots
| 10 several poor children She mas been
| looking after. but om!ts TO mention the
| fact that they are our own, ana even
the brats refer to several pennies that
| they have been giving 10 orphans. The
| fatharly love that shines In my face is
| 50 bright and our family IS 50 well regu-
| lated that our pastor makes allusion
| to Il in his next sermon, though, or
| course he mentions no names. But we
know whom he Is talking about. And
| thus We entertain.
An issue having arisen between some or
my friends, | would fan bring about
peace. That most estimable gentleman.
| Or. Jud. B. Wood. the president OF tho
| Society for the Prevention Of Cruelty to
Animals, Is at variance with Major
William l.. Gaines. the worthy official
| who has charge OF the Capitol Square
and IS by virtue Of his office eX-otiicio
president OF the squirrel colony in the
| park. The dispute involves policeman,
| a dog. and bunny. As DR.. Wood. like
myself. is d law student (and a good one.
tool l WILL for his benefit, state the case
| so far as | understand II in legal phrase
ology, and set forth the complaints and
| demands Of the truly noble organization
which he represents.
Whereas on certain day OF the year
! 1894. a. dog. whose relations by consan-
| guinity and affinity are unknown to the
complanants dn other words said dog
| was a cur) did enter the Capitol Square.
and did In his peregrinations take II into
| his head TO pursue squirrel in said
| Capitol Square; and
Whereas. the policeman charged with
| the duty OF preserving law and order IN
| said park did, unlike most policemen, be-
| stir himself, and pursue said dog: and
Whereas, the aforesaid policeman did
,cta ,rf,,Itv falopiouelv and with intent