Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1894-11-17
JOKES AND JOKERS.
SOME OF THE FUN AND FUNMAkERS
OF 6YGONE DAYS.

From Dlogenes to More Modern Men-The
English Furnish Rather . Heavy Clas. q
Observation-Disclosures supply q Irish
Buna
There Is moro real humor in a mod
ern clodhopper than in an ancient phi
losopher. The jokes that have come
down to us from Greece are mostly poor
stuff, but college boys arc glad to get
any comfort at all from root grubbing.
and therefore they laugh at Diogenes
and Aristophancs. 1t is said that the
old cynic begged tub to Ave in and
toted this about where no liked and
squatted under it when he pleased.
When Alexander called on him in this
palatial residence. he asked what he
could do for him. Get ont Of my sun
light" said Diogenes. That was tolera-
bly, good, but uncivil. The nasty old
cub with his tub could be duplicated by
| a thousand tramps in America any day,
| and many of them are doubtless nastier
and smarter. Plato is said to have
preached fatality. When a rogue ran
| against him with beam and excused
himself as ''fated to do it," Yes"
said Plato. Il see, but also am fated
to beat you for it, )" and gave the fellow
a good Gaming. For sportiveness Horace
was the most pleasing of the ancionts.
but his verses are very amatory and
some of them more suggestive than q
French play Chaxles Lamb is worth
90 Of him, only that Horace could be a
poet when he chose of different sort.
Homer's picture of Thersites is the old
est burlesque that remember A joke
coming down from 1000 B. c. ought to
be pretty good. Will NJ Quad last as
long?
English joking is generally heavy.
Here is one told by James Payn. A wit
ness in SANDER case swore that Miss
lies was thrown over the wall dozen
times. "What, said the judge. "Who
was Miss lies, and why did they throw
her over:" twas missiles. Icannot see
anything so very funny in Sydney
Smiths wishing he could, on certain
hot day, take off his flesh and sit in his
bones. But Hood and Charley Lamb are
a brace that no enc ought ever to be
without. have given up trying to keep
a complete set Of either. They are Dor
rowed aid relished, and, suppose, read
to pieces
Hood was capital in every direction
he turned. whether pathos, satire, pun
or pure joking. His taking off of cele-
brated characters was as good as any
thing. You should first read Boswell
johnson and then read Hoods
"Johnsoniana. But does any body read
Boswell nowadays? Alas, for once IA
mons books! Hood, says Johnson, was
once consulted by lady as to tho de-
gree Of turpitude and spanking due her
boy for robbing an orchard. Madam, I"
said the ponderous doctor, lit all hangs
on the weight Of the boy. remember
my school fellow, Davy Garrick, who
was little fellow, robbing dozen Or
chards with inpunity, but the very first
time climbed an apple tree, for was
always solid, the bough broke, and il
was called 4 Judgment on me. sup
with pair of scales"
Sheridan was the best of jokers, but
half that is attributed to him is floating
wit that needed father. 1t is probably
, true that he asked his FOSTERING but
highborn crew one night whether they
should drink like beasts or like men.
Some one said, Men, Of course. - "Oh,
then," cried Sheridan, well get aw.
full drunk, for beasts only drink what
they need"
Irish wit is famous the world over.
| nf ,v,x I,o 1,,.x I
is rare that an Irishnan has not sur
prises of speech, in which consists the
wit Of the highest order. LIE Fanu, in
his Seventy Years of Irish Life" ha,
collected great deal that is delicious
A witness that was badgered by a law
yer was asked, You're nice fellow,
now, amt you?" Witness answered
Il am, sir, and if ! were not on oath
sir, I'd say the same Of you" Another
sci, 80 you had a pistol?' II had
sir. ." Who did you intend to shoot"
Il want intendin to shoot no one.
$50 you got it for nothing?" mo,
didn't. Come, come! On your cath
what did you get that pistol for?" "Fol
three and ninepence. sir. i'll Mr. Rich
ardson's shop"
The Irish bull is often better thar
any deliberate wit. Sir Richard Steel
insisted these bulls were owing to thu
air of the country, land, SIR" he add
ed, IF an Englishman was born here
don't doubt he'd do the same" In
debate on taxation an Irish member o
parliament insisted that "a tax on leath
er would press heavily on the barefoot
ed peasantry." Sir Boyle Roche replies
they could make the under feathers o
wood" The same Sir Boyle urged tn
union Of England and Ireland, SO tina
''the barren hills would become fertil
valleys" In another debate he answer
ed, Il boldly answer in the affirmative
MOP He was author of "You Shout,
refrain from throwing open the food
gates of democracy. lest you shout,
pave the way for a general conflagra
ton" At a race an Irishman was de