Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-06-28

formed us that he had heard Major
O'Brady call us a stupendous liar and
gilt edged fraud. He gave us details and
circumstances with such minutencss that
we could not doubt, though only the week
previous we had lent the major one of our
white shirts to attend party in.
OF course we buckled on our guns and
sailed forth in search of the traducer but
after a two hours hunt we heard that he
had gone down to Tombstone on business
and wouldn't be back for week. In the
next issue of THE KICKER we gave his
biography, the chief features of which was
barn burning in Illinois and five year
sentence to Joliet. The major returned
the other day and walked in on us with
sad and reproachful look in his eyes. In
the first place, he denied in toto that he
had called us a liar, etc, and in the
next he exhibited legal documents to
prove that he was never an inmate of Jol-
let. The conversation overheard by the
gentleman who reported it to us was about
our esteemed contemporary, as we might
have suspected at once, and our name was
not even mentioned. We are very sorry
that the blunder occurred and wish to say
so in this public manner. Instead of burn
ing barn in Illinois, the major married
good looking widow in Indiana who was
possessed of 81, 900 in cash. He did this
wife in stock. Instead of being sent to
Joliet for five years, tho major got of with
one year at Michigan City.
About siT weeks ago Mrs. Wilkinson of
Coo -ise Place gave an evening lunch to
celebrate her thirty eighth birthday and
hen departure for Chicago on q visit to her
sister. AS no gathering of the sort is con-
sidercd recherche without our presence, we
I'll ofx 10
town, we got the buttons sewed on our
shirt and our suspcnders buckled up for
the occasion. To our utter astonishment,
we received no invitation. Surprising Mrs.
Wilkinson had taken that method of Civ
ing us the cold cut, the next issue of THE
KICKER contained several announcements
of interest to her. One was to the effect
that Wilkinson was q COW thief from Ohio
Another was that the old lady herself used
to do the high kicking act in a Cincinnati
beer garden. Something was said about
her two or three husbands each on the
Ohio river, and something more about
Wilkinson being tarred and feathered in
indianapolis. We are very generous heart
ed when we get to writing about these
things and never keep anything back.
Three or four days ago Mrs Wilkinson
returned home, and she didn't wait to
unite her Chicago bonnet or kick bor
shoes into n corner before calling at THE
KICKER office. She found us in. We heard
her kick the agricultural editor and smash
the bat of the commercial and marine re-
porter as she passed them on the way to
our sanctum, and we were prepared for
violence. None was offered, however. On
the contrary, Mrs. Wilkinson's demeanor
was that of the high minded and cultivat-
cd lady she is She explained that she Ind
mailed us an invitation, the very first to
be addressed, and could provo 1t by two
witnesses When we did not appear, she
was surprised and hurt and freely admit
ted that her party was not success She
had never kicked high In Cincinnati but
always lived in Cleveland and kept both
feet on the ground Wilkinson was her
only husband, and he mover stole a COW in
Ohio nor rode a rail in Indiana. All these
things she firmly convinced us of, and
when she had gone We put on our hat
and went over to the postofflce. The in
competent hyena who runs things over
there saw us as VIC came in and jumped
for his gun, but we got the drop ON him
and held brief conversation. Tho result
of 1t was that he found our missing invi-
tation In the paper bag, whore 1t had been
flung weeks ago. His excuse was that he
took 1t for q stomach bitters circular and
supposed We didn't want TO be bothered