Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-04-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The good hackman is known by his
carriage. Florida Times Union.
A kiss is n song that should always
be encored. Florida Times Union.
Ringing belle--Putting nose
ornament on Kafir woman. Halo.
The pawnbroker never gets so old
that he takes no interest in life. -Bos-
ton Transcript.
Some people do not recognize their
obligations when they meet them
Galveston News.
No, my son; doctor doesn't know
everything; but he thinks you think
he does. Punch.
People who think before they speak
always manage to economiZe on talk.
Washington Post.
When some people want counsel
they proceed to consult their own in
terests. Galveston News.
The dentist who devotes himself to
pulling aching molars is necessarily
pains-taking fellow. Buffalo Courier.
Motto for the Shopping Fiend: "lf
you see what you want, price dozen
other things before asking for it. =
Puck.
A man breathes, on an average, ten
thousand quarts of mir day-and
talks about | 1000, 900. Augusta (Ga.
Chronicle.
The woman who can pass a mirror
without looking into it has the heroism
of which martyrs are made. Florida
Times Union.
A local dealer advertises ga new
stock of walking-sticks for gentlemen
with carved wooden heads. "-Phila-
delphia Record.
Mrs. Shopper Why, all these toys
are old" Shopkeeper Yes, madam,
but then you know most of the babies
are new Vogue.
An ounce of prevention is worth q
pound of cure; that is to say, the
druggist is likely to charge just as
much for it.-Puck.
When man claims that grip is only
a vagary of deserted brain. it is
pretty safe to bet he has never had it.
Philadelphia Record.
A Chicago man who had Just sur
rendered his watch to foot pad, was
moved to remark that he didn't know
when he had been SO pressed for time.
Washington Star
The doctrine of heredity is com
forting theory. 1t is so pleasant, you
know, to be able to lay our faults and
foolishnesses on our forefathers.-
Boston Transcript.
The jealousy of physicians is re-
markable. No sooner does one of them
discover disease than half-a-dozen
more concentrate all their energies
upon its suppression. Puck.
Traveller in Missouri-'T want to
find the conductor. Who has charge
of this train?" Trainman-"Can't tell
till after we pass the next strip O.
woods. cleveland Plaindealer.
"Do you believe that practice al
ways makes perfect?" 'No; it hasn't
made anything but row ever since
that idiot upstairs commenced with
his flute, Chicago Inter Ocean.
Byers What was your idea in
getting vaccinated on your rheumatic
arm?" Seller" Economy of pain. 1t
couldn't make the arm hurt worse than
it did already. Chicago Tribune.
THAT young widow Flison is quite
n dashing creature, don't you think?"
81 guess you are right. She dashed
my hopes most effectually when l
asked her to marry me. "-Indianapo-
lis journal.
Charlie Sniffers tout with Dollie
Dimple)- Pardon me for bowling to
that shabby old codger, but | feel OBJ
liged to do it," Dollie--'Who is he,
Charlie?" Charlie-'He is the head
of our firm. "-Spere Moments.
Nell-"How do you know she is in
love with Jack?" Belle-"Because
she told me he was perfectly horrid,
and if she were IN my place she
wouldn't have anything to do with
him. Philadelphia Record.
Footman-"Say, Jeems, what would
we do if we found pocketbook with
$40, 900 that the boss had left in the
carriageY Coachman - ''Do? We
wouldn't do nothing at all. We'd live
on our income. Texas Siftings.
Customer-"Why is it you charge
as much for six-pound pig as you do
for sixteen-pound pig?" Butcher
The smaller the pig, mum, the worse
1t hurts lis to kill it. Got to charge
somethin fur our feelin's, num-. -
Chicago Tribune
Miss Seare-"Jacl Marblehead gave
me great reception yesterday. He
has a cannon on his yacht and when
came on board he fired a salute of ever
so many guns--forty-nlne, / think it
was" Miss Smarte-"One for every
year OF your age, | suppose. Vogue,