Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-05-30

cut off, see. What did you have
that done for?" B-"Fifteen
cents. Harvard Lampoon.
He-"Do you know, | think
you are most singular grip" She
(cooly)-'I assure you it isn't from
choice" New York World.
Jasper-"I-Tve c-come after
Your daughter, sir" Father
"You have! Let me see your cou-
pons!"-Clevland Plain Dealer
Toodles-"Could you let me have
S5 for few days?" mo; l have
more days than know what to do
with now. Chicago Inter Ocean.
A chiropodist announces on his
cards that he has had the honor of
removing corns from several of
the crowned heads of Europe
London Truth.
Teacher-"What became of the
children of Agamemnon?" Pupil
(after mature deliberation)-I
think they're dead by this time.
Harlem Life.
Our botanist imparts the inform
alton that tree differs from man
kind in that it never leaves after
it's trunk has been taken for board.
Buffalo Courier.
Teacher-"Who was the first
man?" Fritz-"Charles the Great,
sir" mo! Adam" "Ach! |
didn't know you meant foreigner"
-Wespen, Berlin.
Mr.. Dolley--"Miss Flypp, why
do you suppose it is there is no mar
rying nor giving in marriage in
heaven?" Miss Flypp promptly
mo men there. Judge.
Mrs. Youngever-"Before we
were married you never smoked in
my presence. Mr.. Youngever-
True, and you never scolded in my
presence" ."-Bombe Vienna.
"Dou you pay for poetry?" asked
the pretty girl. "Y-yes," replied
the editor, with some hesitation.
What do you ray?" "Compli-
ments. Washington Star,
mo, Maude, you cannot sharpen
an old saw with a newspaper file,
but many newspaper file is made
dull by the old saws that are found
in philadelphia Record.
Mr.. Croesus-"Y ou want to mar
ry my niece do you? Why, she is
the only relative have" Charley
Hardup-"I have thought that all
out, sir. ."-Raymond's Monthly.
Papa, will you buy ME drum?"
"Ah, but, my boy, you will dis
turb me very much if l do" Oh,
no, papa. / won't drum except
when you're asleep. ~ Young Folks.
Muller-"You always said you
would not marry except for beauty,
yet your fiancee is not even good
looking" Schulze-"The beauty
is in her bank account. ."-Kladder-
adastch, Berlin.
Uncle Treetop-"That heifer is
two years old.
City niece-"How do you know?"
Uncle Treetop-"By her horns"
City niece-"Oh, to be sure; she
has only two" Life.
Young Lady Tin music store -
"Have you "A Heart that Beats with
Love?' Clerk (blushingly)-
mo, miss; would consider it high
ly imprudent at a salary of 21
marks week. ."-Wespen, Berlin.
Mr.. Deprecate-"Yo on women are
dreadful creatures; you seem to talk
nothing but scandal. Now, scam
dial is something we men never
talk" Mrs. Slydid-"No, you fur
nish the material. st. Louis Post
Dispatch.
Miss Arabella-"Don't you think
| look dreadfully pale, doctor?"
The doctor-"Yes, indeed, you do,
mademoiselle." "Then what do
you advise me to do" "Wipe
some of the powder off your face"
Figaro, Paris.
Behave yourself, my child" said
the oyster to his son. "Father,
you forget" replied the youthful
oyster. ut is the merry month Of
May, and no one expects an oyster
to be good at that time. ] am not
a clam. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
The small boys parents had taken
him to the opera. The prima DON
ma had just concluded classic aria,
ond when the storms of anplause