St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1894-05-13

ceived with incredulous shrugs, and finally b,
came to the conclusion to t'seek fresh fields
and pastures new" which, taking it all in
all, he is paying pretty dear, not precisely for
whistle, but for the mere attempt to wet his
whistle, for he did not even get a chance to
moisten his eppiglotis with single drop OF
the refreshing beverage.
ALEX. SWEET.
A Landlady.
What woman's heart does not sink within
her when, having hired new residence, she
is told that the owner is a woman, @who at
tends to things herself" s.tf
large property owner who puts hei
affairs into the hands of her legal advisers is
different thing entirely. In that case land.
lord or landlady is the same to the tenant.
If you pay your rent on the proper day you
will be treated with some justice. If the
roof blows of, the boiler collapses, or the
ceilings fall, proper workmen will be sent to
make repairs, and really you have seldom
much reason to consider yourself ill-used b.
one. 7.t.a1
The HORSEPOWER to whom I anude is
usually a woman Of the lower orders
She appears on rent day an hour or sc
before early breakfast, all out of breath with
anxiety, with suspicion that you will not pay
her stamped upon her countenance = She
counts her money six times over, always
making different amounts of it, and, after the
seventh attempt, rolls it up with despair
ing-"weli, since you say it's correct,
s'pose it must be-" The receipt is notin any
of her pockets-she thinks she has left il
home, if she hasn't lost it in the cars; but
when she puts the rent into her stocking,
saying: 81 carry it there because folks know
I'm out collecting, and might be murdered
for it, she finds the paper for which she
has been searching, in the same calm retreat,
and hands it over, reluctantly 5f,ssssI5
Then if she would say goodbye and &c
away to stay for thirty days, how happy you
would be-but that she never does The
lease that she has signed means nothing to
her but that you must pay her her monthly
rent 1t does not, in her estimation, give
you the right to lock your door and make
your home your CASTLE 1t is her idea
that, being the landlady, she can enter
the house at will. You are contin-
ually meeting her unexpectedly on the
garnet stairs, finding her down cellar If she
is unusually good-natured and affabfe she
will suddenly emerge from wardrobe-closets
or pantries, saying: Don't make no company
of me, I'm jest lookin' round to see how
things is. Didn't ring nor nethin' SOS not
to disturb nobody" .4
Her cool self-possession sometimes puz.
zles you into believing that she really has
right to be there, and it is not easy to turn
any one out of your doors without insult.
Ii you look somewhat astonished and she
feels that you may know that she is an in.
truder, she plays you trick which should
not deceive you if you have ever had land
lady before. She says: "About them there
repairs now. I'Il bring some one round to
see about EN-
Now house owned by this sort of land
lady never has a lock that will shoot, or a
ceiling that is not cracked, or hinges that
hang well, or shutters that are in order. or
windows that have their full amount of cords.
or dumb-waiter that does not stick half
way, or chimneys that do not smoke
You have prepared list of necessary re-
pairs, perhaps, and present it to her, and she
has you in her power.
The little landlady always possesses a
dilapidated relative or connection, who not
being able to do anything properly, is sup
posed to be master of all trades. This being
She introduces into your home as sort of
entering wedge, following at his heels where
ever he goes. .l ia.leg
Now, he is supposed to be roofer. now a
locksnllth, now a carpenter, now q painter.
now plumber. Sometime he arrives with a
hammer and nails, sometimes with q little
furnace and a stick of solder, sometimes he
swings paint pot as he cones, sometimes q
ring of rusty keys. Mrs. Landlady intro
duces him as Mr. Patch. 'sHe does all NV
repairin'," she says, '''cause can't trust no.
body else" nJ.is -7 ~
And now for many weary days the pair
prowl around the house together. Invade al
the rooms, peep up all the chimneys. hans
out of all the windows, sit on all the stairs.
Whatever Mr.. Patch nails up drops of
again. He puts Jumps Of plaster into walls.
but they never stay there The rusty KEYS
Will not turn; the paint seems TO evaporate,
leaving dirty marks where it has been: but
the clatter! the racket the shrieking up
stairs and believing downl is unceasins
The happy pair so outside of the house and
point up at. it. They go out on the roof and
hang over. Mrs. Landlady teaches Mr.. Patch
how to paint the porch, how to drive in nails.
when she is off duty. Occasionally Mr.. Patch
goes for beer and drinks it sitting astride the
parlor window. There are chips on the floor.
sawdust on the chairs and tables, plaster on
the staircase and splatters of paint on your
furniture. AS for repairs, none are really
made. The house was merely out of order
before; now it is a thing of daubs and patch
es and scratches, over which you weep. At
last you grow so weary of it all that you
would submit to any Inconvenience rather
than mention ito hear that fatal declara-
ton, "Pll fetch Mr.. Patch to tend to it,
1t is curious fact, too, that the sort of
landlady I allude to hates anything beau
tiful. If you have that excellent thing.
wisteria vine, upon your house. she pines
to tear it down. If the door is shaded bv a
line tree, she longs to put the axe to the
root or rather to set Mr.. Patch to hack it
down.
When you quote 'sWoodman spare that
tree" for her benefit, she shifts and remarks.
"Well, for my part don't see what nobody