davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
Tie Deacon,s Great Head.

Last Sunday was communion Sunday
in the deacou's church. A part Of the
deacon's duties is 10 attend TO the prep
aration Of the service aud 10 the supply
ing OF the bread and wine for the cele-
bratiou Of the solemn ordinance. The
previous week had been one of unusual
business care and exertion for the lea
con and sunday morning found him at
the church before be even remembered
that il was communion day. The recol-
lection came 10 him ike an electric
shock. There was neither bread nor
wine, for he had forgotten TO procure
them. What was 10 be done! The hour
was at hand and it would never do to
lett be known that negligence or forget
tg.nes- caused the pOstponement OF such
an important ceremony.
The deacon scratched bis head and
then started on a cauter for home. His
wife had il the ~ceI.ara jug of elder bios
SON wine which she had made years
ago 10 be used in case of sickness. For
this jug the good deacon pointed. He
got il and sampled It's contents. They
were excellent and powerful. He pour
ed out a quantity and added an equal
amount Of water. Then it was about
right III strength, but the color was
wrong. Down came a ulnbler OF mis-
wifes best grape Jelly. With nervous
energy the deacon stirred the jelly in
the wine and water. The color came
and the blend Wa perfect. Then he
cleaned the ~bread-can Of the Fridays
baking and hurriedly u the bread into
squares. With bread under one arm
and his watered and jeliied wine under
the other he cantercd back 70 the church
and in the back way. He got there in
time but il was a narrow squeak. The
members of the church didn't know the
reason for the suppressed excitement in
the deacon's manner, for the service pro-
ceeded properly and in order. When
the deacon and his wife got home she
saw the wine jug and empty bread-can.
"Whv, deacon she said.
Then he told her the story.
Deacon. - she observed, you're a
man for emergencies. "-HooSac Vaasy
AeUS.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
A YOUNG LAWYERS sTRATAceM.
It Night Have Worked bot for an Uasx-
psstsd IncldsnE.

The following story Is told Of limo
thy Coffin, who was for a long time
judge Of the New Bedford district, says
the Boston Herald.
When a very young man he was re-
tanned In a case of Sufficient importance
10 bring out almost every resident Of
the town, so that the little New Bed
ford court house was packed when
court opened that morning. Coin
had been secured as counsel by the de-
PENDANT. Although il was bis first at
tempt In open court. be had made lit
tie or NO preparation. thinking that he
could get through somehow or other
when tue time mn Thus, when the
counsel for the defendant came into
court that morning he was greatly
surprised and no less agitated to see
the big crowd and realize the wide
public interest In the trial at hand.
He saw that he had looked upon the
case too lightly. The prosecution was
strong and he had made not even ;
slight preparation. To lose the case
meant the loss Of a hoped-for reputa-
ton. Could be afford to commit this
blunder by displaying his ignorance Of
the caseP How could be get out Of it?
These were a few of the questions that
were known TO have flashed through
tie young lawyers head. for after
ward he himself told Of the awful per-
plexity of the hour.
Being a shrewd inventor he devised
q plan. As soon As the court had been
called TO order and the crier had said
his little say, he arose and asked for .
~postponement of the trial. on the
ground that he had just received 4
telegram announcing the sudden and
fatal illness Of his mother. who resided
at Nantucket.
Scarcely had the words OF this ap-
peal proceeded from the lips OF Young
Colin. when an elderly ona quietly
arose in the balcony of the courtroom
and ave utterance 10 these words:
Timothy, Timothy, how many times
hare | chastised thee for lyinge"
Timothy recognized the sound OF
that voice only too we'll. 1t vas that
OF his mother. This being Timothy's
first public case, the old lady had Sc
cretly come up to New Bedford TO see
how well her sou would do. Her pres
ence was, OF course, totally unknown
TO him. The further Developments
need not be recorded here. Suffice it
to say that Timothy Coffin in after
years made sure that his excuses
would not be thrown back at him by
any member Of his W family.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
mot talI nave vo,,r nrom,.e IN u.x~v

Not TIL nave your promise TO marry
me, replied the lunxtic. II am quite
prepared 10 remain here until t~e-rnor-
row morning II need be" he added with
great GOODNESS.
~Oh! aunt. do say yes" / implored;
but at this u prosecutor turned upsa
me. viii YOU have the kindness NOT
TO interfere'" he said. so fiercely that !
wNs terrified and shrank back.
For about ten minutes Aunt Maria
sat On that wall aud raved. Then the
burst into tears. At this juncture I
perceived a mans figure in the distance.
Wa he coming this way? Oh, Joy! he
was. As he drew nearer i saw TO my
mingled delight and dismsy hat it was
Dick, and seeing that the lunatic had
his back TO me ! ran to meet him.
oh, Dick" / painted. as I came up to
him, we have been 30 terribly fright
ened by a mailman. He has put Aunt
Maria on the wall and says she shan't
get down until she promises TO marry
him. DO come and save her"
Dick ran quickly to the spot, and the
lunatic turned and faced him.
"You ~rascal.7 cried Dick. Stand
back, and let me take that lady OF the
wall
"You shall not touch her." said the
lunatic, tercely.
Dick took him by the coat collar and
flung him aside with such force that he
stumbled and fell. The next instant
Dick had lifted Aunt Maria safely to
the ground. He had scarcely done so
when the mailman leaped upon him and
a terrific struggle followed. Suddenly,
i saw the lunatic place his hand in the
breast Of his coat aud the next instant
there was a flash of steel. He had
drawn a knife.
"Oh, Dick-oh, my darlingl" I
screamed; "he will kill YOU"
IN that momen ! forgot our quarrel.
r1iorgot everything except that | loved
him better than anything in the world
and that he was in peril Of his life; and.
rushing forward, | grasped the mad
mans arm and hung on t. it with all
my weight. Aunt Maria screamed lust
lily for help and as | spun round with
the combatants | caught sight Of two
men running across the field.
Aid was near, so | clinched my teeth
and held on like grim death. In a few
seconds-it seemed like an eternity to
me-the men were on the spot and after
a brief struggle the lunatic was secured
and disarmed by the two keepers who
had been searching for him all day. As
Tor me, the danger being over, /
promptly tainted away. When | came
to myself Dick was kneeling besiie me,
supporting me in his arms.
Are you all righ-' he asked anx-
iously.
Yes" I replied with a smile, Il am
quite we'll"
WI all three walked home together
and Dick dined with US that evening.
Afterward when | accompanied him
into the hall to bid him goodnight be
asked az he held me in his arms: Tell
me, Daisy, would you have been sorry
if that fellow had killed me to-day"
"Don't talk about it, dearest,"I an
swered with a shudder. at would
have broken my heart"
Then you cannot live without me,
after alp
Dick and | have never qnarreled
since and | do not believe We shall ever
quarrel again as long as we hve.-Amy
MonLa1ue.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
A MAn-t'-War's Menagerfe.

Sailors are the children Of the sea
Cut of as they are from so much thai
makes life merry, they take TO simple
sports and pets. This Is especially true
on the big white ships that sail in the
service of Uncle Sam. The most COM
fort Jack takes is in cultivating pets,
and on board every war-ship some sort
OF a menagerie is TO be found. The
best and most unique happy family,
in the navy is that kept on the San
Francisco" the splendid flagship Of
the North Atlantic Squadron. Though
the dignity Of the navy is at its highest
development on a flagship. that formal
stiffness which great men have about
them is well-nigh banished from the
San Francisco by the antics of Billy"
the ships goat. He is the idol Of four
hundred prank-loving sailors, and his
education is anything but what a nice
little black-and-white goats should be.
But Billy is privileged because he
would be able to write a. b." after his
name If he knew how. That means he
is an old sailor who has crossed the line
and has been around the Horn. The
San Francisco was built in the city
whose nam she bears; and as she wa
the first war-ship to be constructed on
the Pacific coast, San Francisco couldn't
do too much TO show appreciation Of
that fact. Gifts were showered upon
ship and crew. Down in the ward-room
is a case of beautiful silverware, and
every cover has for a handle a solid gold
grizzly bear; and this does very well
:l..l - .a-u1-fu1 L..s =. - .nl
ing To Billy. San Francisco supplied
Billy as well. He was little more than
a kid when the ship sailed away for
Valparaiso to have a hand in settling
the CHILEAN ~squabble that made SO much
noise in the fall Of 1891. After that the
San Francisco took her time about get.
ting around Cape Horn, but Billy inn
proved it all until now he is an accom-
plished sailor. He took part with the
ships crew in the Columbian naval re-
view, and was every inch rs good =
goat as the British c%apricornus On the
big cruiser "Magicienne.'
Billy is a privileged character. He
has the run Of the ship, as sailors say.
His ~favorite loa~ting-place is on the
bridge" with Lieutenant Kimball. the
navigating officer, but he is as much at
home on the quarterback as the fore
castle. Every day the men are formed
in line for an exercise walk around the
gun-dsck. When the drum taps 10 fall
in" Billy scampers to the head of the
line and marches TO the piping of the
fife as long as he can. When at sea the
roll is S heavy that Billy's sharp hoofs
can find no foothold. and after a des-
perate struggle he is pitched headleng
into the scuppers. The line does not
wait, but Billy finds sweet revenge in
braeing himself against a Sanction.
and butting every pRir of legs that goes
by. II fills him with keen delight to
butt a marine; but that is part Of his
education.
On the day his portrait was taken.
Bully was not feeling very well. He
had eaten a box Of matches, and the
phosphorus did not agree with him.
Don c. Settz, tn 81. Nicholas.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09

@T1l be glad to tell you; II is a pleas
ure TO find somebody who will listen TO
the story of my trials. This boy, Mr..
Officer, is an inventor. He thinks that
he would lay over Edison il he had a
chance. He invents all sorts of things.
He has just invented a safety attach
ment for buggies. It's a beautiful con.
trivance. IL your horse is running
away, all you have to do is TO press a
knob with your foot and the animal is
released from the vehicle. | was driv-
ing up a steep hill recently, and ] ac-
~cidentally put my foot on that knob
and the first thing l knew hat old
buggy was sailing down.hill back ward
at the rate Of a thousand miles an hour,
and before IL struck the bottom IL
knocked the plategiass front out of a
store, tore up ten rods of sidewalk, and
killed a COW; aud then the owner of the
cow pulled me from the wreck and
knocked the top of my head Off" .
And were you whipping the boy for
that?"
Partly. What business had he to
put such a continuance on my buggy
without telling me? But that isn't all;
he invented some sort of n mixture
and put il in the bottle | keep my hair
dye in. | used it last evening, not
knowing what he had done, aud | had
To sleep with my hat on. 1t colored
my hair n pale green and glued my hat
TO it, and the doctor says I'll have to
soak my head in boiling water for three
days before | can get the old tile off.
Now | ask you AS man TO man whether
I'd better quit pounding this boy now
or keep on for Il couple of hours
more?"
is he your w boy?'
ayes"
~Well, ! don't believe I'd quit just
yet, but you'd better go to the base
ment SO that the neighbors won't
hear. Chicago Tribune.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09


soon awed DIR. Graves into implicit be
lief.
An old gunshot wound Of the abdomen
was gnawing away at SchimeaTs
vitals, and Hildreth concluded hat an
operation had TO be performed, and
that DIR. Graves must be called in in
consultation and 70 assist with the
knife. Matters were framed up, and
on the morrow Schimeal was to be put
on the operating slab. DIR. Graves be-
came uneasy. In the presence of such
a master Of the art as "Dr." Hildreth
he might be called upon to do that
which he knew absolutely nothing of,
and thereby "tip off his nit" as
Schimeal now puts it.
Mysterious calls from ~outlandish dis
tances began to pour in on DIR. Graves
the night before the operation was to
be performed. Patients from the SUR
rounding country were pleading for
him to come In all haste To their
several beds of suffering. Trude.
Hildreth and Schimeal himself insisted
that he remain 10 take part in the eff
fort TO save the life of the gambler.
Graves, with all the powers OF argu-
ment, tried TO get away on the plea
that his patients had prior claims on
his services. Mr.. Trude never was
more eloquent In his life nor more per-
suasive; Hildreth was equally insistent,
and pointed out the fact that the code
of ethics which obtains among men OF
his profession would never tolerate
such u high-nanded proceeding as
Graves contemplated in repudiating
the engagement he had made TO assist
In the operation on Schimeal.
"But, gentlemen" obdurately insist
ed Graves, II must attend to my regular
customers, and l cannot possibly assist
DR.. Hildreth."
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
by engaging IN a case with q man VINO

by engaging In q case with q man VINO
has an indictment for malpractice
hanging over his headi"
Having thus freed himself; aDr."
Graves bowed himself out of the room,
leaving Messrs. Trude, Hildreth and
Schimeal standing with mouths agape
at the ingenious and crafty manner he
employed in emaDcipating himself.
A day or w after this, in a political
discussion with NJ. II. Maher, another
member OF the party, after the doctor"
had been badly worsted at every point,
lie haughtily apologized for his ap-
parent lack Of intimacy with the
National issues by exclaimiDg: any
profession is that of medicine - not
politics!"
In the light OF all that had been de-
veloped Mr.. Maher's breath left him.
He began To choke up, and being I'M
able to make any reply TO this stunning
retort he stood dumfounded, and "Dr.
Graves had won another fght-lnteI
Ocean.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
IS A pEspoTlc RULER.
The Stomach Not Easily Dsthronsd When
Once 1t Obtains Mastery.

One OF the greatest misfortunes that
can happen to n man in his earthly ca
reer is TO discover that he has n stom-
or recollect the lessons in physiology
of his schoolboy day. but according TO
the San Francisco Chronicle, when he
finds out by actual, personal expe-
rience that he has a stomach he Is 70
be pitied. The whole science Of gas
tronomy-and it Is u science-has
been devised and perfected for the
benefit OF the men who have made
this discovery. All the studies Of the
whole 2littering galaxy OF gastrono-
mists, all the culinary triumphs OF the
great restaurants in the capitals OF the
world. are due to the simple fact that
men have found out that they have
stomachs. aud that that organ, when
once discovered. must be petted and
fiattered aud kept in good humor 10
prevent its revolving and creating rev.
olution and civil war. 1t is safe 10 say
that the primitive man never knew
hal he had a stomach. 1t has been
reserved for civilization to make the
discovery, and il is by no means q
forceone conclusion that civilization
should pride itself upon having done
so.
The maxim that one never enjoys q
good dinner until after it has been
eaten is n refinement of modern and
degenerate days. containing much
sound philosophy from a certain stand
point, but that standpoint Is a iicti-
sfN.tu md n,tafatAn nnn Tharo ia M
natural reason why q dinner. good or
bad. should be enjoyed. The one OBJ
ject of eating is to satisfy hunger, and
that being done, the dinner should be
forgotten. 1t is only the imperious
aud arbitrary stomach which insists
upon a further recognition of its
claims, and 1t is only human weakness
which submits to its demand. A mod
ern philosopher, In tersc though incle-
CANT diction. has laid down this maxim.
which is aim os; idiomatic: "You must
down your stomach or Jour stomach
will down YOU" There Is more in this
thar will meet the eye Of the casual
reader. The stomach may, as certain
Of the ~ancients believed, be the real
seat OF the emotions, passions and af-
fections, but we make a great mistake
il we subordinate The ego to q single
organ. and especially TO one which 10
only too ready to presume upon the
favor shown IL ADD the license given
u. Healthy children know nothing
about their stomacbs, except that they
ache sometimes IL called on to do dou-
BILE duty. and there Is nothing 90
healthy and happy in the world as q
healthy child. II children OF q larger
growth could but ignore the gastric
organ or forget It, dyspepsia would
become a lost disease. and all the evils
that follow in its train would disap.
pear.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
Frequent Onsiauxhts

On the delicate membrane of the bowels
and stomach with drastic %purgatives must
have their natural onsequence--to weaken
and disable both rgans Nature exacts
severe penalties for infringement Of her
laws, and there Is no more glaring one
than that which consists in frequent and
unnecessary dosing with violent cathsr-
tics. This Is, however, the course pursued
by many unwise people who seem 10
think that the bowels, unless constantly
relaxed. are not In a healthy state.
When q laxative Is really needed, Hos
letters Stomach Bitters is the safest and
most thorough. IL neither gripes nor
operates violently or excessively. II in
vigorates the iniestines and stomach, and
arouses the liver Regularity and vigor
are guaranteed by its use. Sleep pro.
NOTED. appetite restored. are among its
benign effects. A tendency to rheuma-
tism and kidney trouble is nullifed by 1t,
and 1t completely eradicates malarial
complaints.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
NO ARRESTS WE'RE MADE.

A member OF "thc finest" while cast
ing an eagle eye over a section Of Gar
field avenue the other day heard a
great humping and shrieking proceed
ing from a rather ~pretentious house.
Feeling hat murder was being done
he entered the residence on a trot, and
found an old man with a very red face
holding a boy in one hand and a club
in the other. He had evidently been
hitting the club with the boy and was
quite excited.
What does this mean?" cried the
officer.
"Mean?" echoed the old man in a
dazed way. "Why. it means that / am
just los running a little reform schoo
of my own"
@What has the boy been doing?"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
A Heveryday Herror.

Once while touring England Mr..
Irving's company stopped at 4 small
city In the interior. The play for that
night was The Merchant OF Venice"
Shortly before the performances the
head super took aside his hve assist
ants, who were new at the business,
and started in to give them their In.
structions. Among the five was an
American, who paid his instructor the
closest attention.
@Now." said the head super, endsav-
oring to impress his words upon his
pupils. @when Shylock comes on Ia the
last ecu yeu must throw him q look
OF ate"
There was silence for q moment.
Then the American spoke up: How
can we do that when we're only 6veP'
-kQyt0a Budget
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09

We have evidence in California tina,
redwood trees cut down sixty years age
have made sprouts which are new tree:
from three TO five feet in diameter and
from 100 to $50 feet high. 1t is the
rapid growth of some of these trees
which leads people to doubt their great
age,b but there seems to be no reason for
doubling that the method of calculating
BY annual rings of wood is sound. and
that the great age imputed to some Of
these trees has solid groundwork to
build 0n.-AeGtaa's Monthiy.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
The Cool and Airy Cook.

The cook az the clearinghouse, out
on a shopping tour, was Ginning the
clerk at the ribbon counter. said clerk
being a boarder where she cooked.
Zone of these dry-goods stores, +" she
said, gazing around the place, is
some different from a clearinghouse,
amt it?-
"Well, rather, smiled the clerk, pcrk.
ing up his chin.
Yes, she went on pleasantly, "in
here you see a good many things you
don't eat and at a boasiin'-honse you
eat a good many things you don't see;
and then she walked out, leaving him
To his reflections.
A society lion is sometimes found III
the skin of nm ass--.GaIUesl0H NeuS.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09

Among the treasured relics of an ey.
confederate now living in q border state
ID half OF q red morocco Bible. When
he and . companion In arms were hun.
cry and very solemn on the retreat after
the fall Of Petersburg. they shared
equally q small quantity Of parched corn,
their only food, and lore the bible N
twain. 50 that each nngnt have . part
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
Feminine Interest.

Sidestrect-.Mary. get dressed fos
the theater. l have two tickets for
the matinee this afternoon-one Of the
best plays this season."
Ara Sidestrcet-~Thsater! With Q
Wedding from No. - At 3 o'clock. and
new people going to move into No. Is
ut lo'ciock. Well. j guess noti'-Rsck.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
A roo-Lo.s Delayed Verdict.

.Yes, " said the old traveller, IL waa
on q jury in California once. 1t was q
murder trial. l didn't want the fellow
hung and so stuck out against the other
eleven for nine days, locked up in the
j~ury-room, when they gave in and we
brought In q verdict Of Not guilty.
And then ! was ready to stab myself
with spite"
sWhat about?"
s'CAuse the mob had hung the prison.
or on the very fret day we were locked
mir
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09
The Ladies'.

The pleasant effect and perfect safety
with which ladies may use the California
liquid laxative, Syrup Of Figs, under all
conditions, makes IL their f~avorite rene
dy. To get the true and genuine article,
look for the name of The California Fig
Syrup Co printed near the bottom of the
package.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09

Policeman-You say you always re-
fuse To sell a man liquor after he has
had as much as Is good for him?
Observation-Disclosures my rule. When
he begins to see double bounce him.
An a good rule IL Is. But how do you
know when he begins 10 see double?
When he hands me 5 cents for a 10
cent drink and insists that he paid
me 10.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-06-09

Guest-What possessed you TO move
way of here to the extreme edge Of
the city?
Host-'The trolley cars stop running
Ut 10 p. m.
What Of that?
Wait till o see my pretty daugh-
ters.