The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-06-02

"PIZEN-TwENTY-THREE DOSES"
the professor. AS he entered the door he
fired with the gun in his right hand and
smashed a lamp chimney, while a bullet
from the gun in his left shattered the stop
per of a decante behind the bar. Then ne
walked up to the bar and yelled:
''Pizen-23 doses"
Then he turned his bach to the bar and
his face to the 23 men in the place and
yelled:
Come up, you critters!'
While VIC werc i1nbibing the cowboy
gave an exhibition or his skill with the re-
vOlvGr by ''plugging'' various articles scat
tered AROUND the room and finished by
snuffinga lighted cigar held in the teeth of
the barkecpcr. The professor was delight
ed. 1t is his opinion that the cowboy is a
relic of the stone age, and he has hopes of
finding a complete skeleton in some of the
gravel beds of Arizona. From the most
reliable data at hand it is believed hat the
ancient cowboy vas II feet h gh and car
ried o guns, and that he could stand
up to Il bar and drink from six to eight
glasses of pizen without affecting him in
the slightest. Professor Markham is salts
fed, however, that the modern two gun
specimen is an Improvement in many re
spects, and he will so report.
1t fortunately happened while we We're
eScOrting the professor around town that
old Bill Schemerhorn happened to re-
membe that he was owing us one. He
took three or four drinks, mounted his ca
yuse and roc out to the old fort. From
thence he sent word to us that we We're a
coyote, a reptile and a %critter, and that he
proposed to die with his boots on. We
have always had a curiosity to know just
what epoch old Bill belonged to, and nav
ng aroused the curiosity of the professor
We borrowed a mule for him, ana the pair
of us set out for the scene of action. o.
the way out to the fort our visitor discov~
cred several evidences of the glacial period
and a little later discovered old Bill him
self. Ec Eas riding around in a circle,
bare headed and hair flying, n while yet
half a mile away he could be heard yell
ing:
"Whe-OOpi / ar ole Bill SchemerhOrn,
the father-in-law of tornadoes and the only
brother Of the blizzard which friz 400 In
juns as stiff as crowbars. When l lie down
at night, l piller my head on a grizzly bar
with teeth a foot long. When l walk about
by day, l use the claws of a mountain lion
fur shirt buttons! Whe- oopl / ar a mix
Cure OF colo plZen, cnaln Ilghtnln, RED
thunderbolts and heavin earthquakes! I
look at a reptile, and he is paralyzedi /
breathe on a %critter, and he drops dead!'
To say that Professor Markham was de-
lighted is drawing It mild. He rubbed his
hands and chuckled and declared that old
Bill was the missing link between the
rhinoceros and the alligator. He wanted
to go up and rub his fur and examine his
joints, but we advised him to hold on I'm
til we had finished. Old Bill has broken
loose several times, and we know just how
to manage him. While he was cavorting
and defying us we gathered up our
cayuse and rushed him. He got in two
wild shots before our outfit struck his and
rolled him and his beast over and over in
the sand. We had him tied hand and foot
before he recovered consciousness.
When the professor came to examine his
Uranium, he announced that old Bill was
descended from a race which inhabited
this country about the year $50, but after
q careful inspection of his ears and teeth
he was inclined to the opinion that the
mans genealoy did not 20 hack MARI