The Washington times., 1894-06-24
BECKY SEARp's GOSSIP;
DEFENDERS AS PRETENDERS.

It has been charged against the present ad-
ministration that it is unfriendly to women.
Ihave been forced to believe that this is So
l have seen competent woman clerks thrown
service, a shapey figure, and n pretty face
are said to exercise in keeping women in Of
fee. had seen 81. 500 women shifted into
81, 200 places, and the vacancy so created
filed by men whose intrinsic value As some
thing like two for five. l had even tried to
obtain an office myself, and received the as
surance from not only the President, but
Tim Campbell, that there was no show for me.
Still / remained staunch in my devotion to
tariff reform, a tax on sugar. Tammany,
and every other element of the Democratic
party.
When different strong-minded females in
divided skirts and no corsets shook their fists
at the White House and Congress, and vowed
vengeance on the ruling powers, which they
insist are treading down our already down
trodden, bruised, and mangled sex, just
straddled over mess OF contradictions. the
best my hampering petticoats would allow,
and said, bold and inconsistent as any office
seeker:
But when lately Secretary Lamont went to
housecleaning and sent n number of our
dearest military flying from our midst l
caved. / am Il Democrat no longer. / don't
know what am. but SO much is certain. IN
q woman, and when it comes to seeing lovely
young lieutenants, captivating captains, mad
dening majors, and conquering colonies
driven from our side and forced to face the
enemy in Chicago. st. Paul, and other dan
gerous points on the frontier it almost makes
an anarchist of me- You may deny this is in
justice-plain injustice. but it certainly is un-
just discrimination against the women of
Washington.
Furthermore, think it's cruel to the mill
tary. To pick a gallant soldier right up from
the congenial duty of assisting at White
House functions and shoot him out to a cav
airy post in the wilds of Arizona, if that is in
dicative of paternalism in government then
say down with papa!
There is no use concealing it. I do love
the military. | don't know so much about
the navy. except that ii seems to me to come
pretty near solving the marriage question.
AS have been behind the scenes and wit
messed the girlish-to some il would appear
ghoulish glee with which Il naval officers
wife receives her husbands orders 10 sea, /
have thought that his three years wife and
three years widow system of marriage pre-
application and do something toward reliey
ing our pressing need OF uniform divorce
laws in this country.
1t is a more eXacting woman than am
who couldn't endure the same man for three
consecutive years. fortified by the conscious
ness of certain relief at the end of that time.
The domestic economy of the naval regula-
tions is not so much shown in the rare resgna-
tion with which a mans wife remains blind
when his orders take him to China. Its full
beauty shines forth when he is ordered to
Brooklyn Boston. and she stays on in
Washington as blissfully bereayed as the
Summer widow whose husband only comes
down to the country to spend Sunday. Talk
about overhauiing the navy. indeed! I'm
sure don't know anything moro perfect in
some particulars.
In the army it is different. More exactly
speaking, it is especially different when you
are retired l tell you in confidence I'd
rather be dog and bay the moon than an
underling in office hoping 10 hang on after
the lst OF July-auything unhappy that can
howl and tell how wretched life is, than be
the wife OF a retired army officer. Gout, grog.
genius-did you ever know a retired officer
to escape one OF these three afliictions2
can see her now, sim, pale, originally
brilliant woman, become uncanny bright as
moonstone.
The colonel had bad night with his leg.
The colonel is thinking of taking the gold
cure. The colonel is down with n toothache.
The colonel is a little worse. thank you" and
so on. and so on. until she is a mere human
register of Il grumpy, gousy, groggy old mans
imaginary ills.
DO you know" she said 10 me not long
ago. 1.-THE colonel was having spell OF ma
laria last night. and | stood at the window
after midnight watching 4 reception going on
across the way. l am just 33 years old, and
will YOU believe it?-as [ saw those men and
women come and 90 laughing l tried hard to
think and feel. and for the life OF me l
couldn't remember how one laughs
OF course it conduct unbecoming an
officer and a gentleman" to marry n woman
without money. but when the retired officers
genius gets to work on the money will the
retired Dcisarte prize pupil please step for
ward and recite Casey at the Bat?i Whether
he goes INTO poker. real estate, sugar. or the
races or because he one time had an article
printed in the Army and Navy Journal. con-
c'udes his forte in journalism, its pretty much
the same.
If 1 were an officers wife tell you what
I'd do the very day he was retifed-dcsert |
him and let the law take its course and pay
alimony he demanded on the ground |
of non-support. 1t would be cheaper in the |
end
But do you know the trick of getting re-
tired? There's an age limit TO active service,
to be sure. II is the clever army officer. how |
ever, who secures his retirement while he is |
In possession of comparative youth and as |
many of his faculties as Il man who insists |
on eating his cake every day can reasonably |
expect TO retain past 80. Then he has the |
world practically before him and three-quar-
ters' pay from the government for having |
been on earth. | never did harder work in |
my life than recently to keep hale, hearty |
major OF 10 sick enough to be disabled for
active service
One lucky day down in New Mexico he had a
pain somewhere in hissupposed vtals lie saw |
stars for a minute and then the opportunity
for retirement. The post surgeon gave him
a certificate of death. and the Secretary of
War Immediately granted him permission to
lake his remains 'beyond seas for inter-
ment. Straight TO Monte Carlo ne went. alter
deadly connections with physi-
,ian ut Carlsbad. Now and then he would run
over 20 Carlsbad and get drink and fresh
proofs from his doctor that he was dying |
man These narrowing details of his slow de-
mise were duly forwarded to Washington.
and one pretty girl. one sympathetic old lady
0l influence. one gay young married woman,
also OF influence, were set tapping official
wires.
1t became generally known at the club that
he major couldn't last long, and his wifes
lealth and bank account being in nowise i'm
paired. there was considerable calculation as
% who would be the majors successor. FL
lally there was an application for the majors
,etirement put in at the War Department
with an affidavit from the Carlsbad doctor
hat to order the major to appear on this side
before retiring board meant turning the
BOARD into a coroner inquest and the occa-
n prtp m
Meanwhile we on the inside. were hearing
from the major how he broke the bank at
Monte Carlo. he how was covered with glory in
champagne bout With u party OF Heidelberg