The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-05-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY,

HUMOR OF THE DAY,
The burglars friend-His faithful
Jimmy.
A host in himself-The cannibal
who devours his entertainer. Grip.
The good measure of the vegetable
peddler always appears at the top
Puck.
One of the most striking things you
can place in parlor is clock. Hart
ford journal.
When you lose the power to enjoy
yourself, people no longer like you.-
Atchison Globe.
"He has no more influence, " said a
Hartford wit, ethan 'p' in pneumo-
MIA. Hartford Courant.
Many people would be more truth
full but for their uncomfortable desire
to talk. --Atchison Globe.
We dream great things of to-mor'
row; but all it ever becomes Is another
Yesterday. -Atchison Globe.
The only Objectionable feature about
the violet is that so many people write
poetry about ii. t.--Atchison Globe.
The popular idea of good business
man is one who can meet and beat o
scoundrel at his own game. Puck.
Some men have such confidence IN
their ability that they would start
sun-umbrella business in London
Puck.
There would be no great objection
to the anarchist if his exploded bombs
we're only as harmless as his explodod
theories. Washington Star.
There's nothin' like tho weddin'
Fer to make a feller learn;
For he thinks that she Is hisn,
But finds out that he is her'n. \
indianapolis Journal.
Passenger - 81 say, conductor,
there's an old gentleman falling offthe
Inns" Conductor-''That's all right
he's paid his fare."-Pearson's Week
ly.
"Are YOU sure Miss Oldtime keeps
M the study of ancient history?"
MadGe-"Oh, dear me, yes. l saw her
reading in her diary to-day inter
Ocean.
"Are there any more jurymen who
have q prejudice against you?" IN
ouired the lawyer. "No, sab, de Jury
am all right, but want to challenge
the Judge. The Green Bag.
La Fianeee-'I am awfully sorry,
Jack, but those roses you sent me
don't match my gown" LIE Fiance
(who paid so dozen)-"Cant you
change your gown, dear?"-Vogue.
81 think i understand now" said
Higgs, "why they speak of Miss Well
laby's new Paris-made gown as ere
alton 1t looks almost as if it were
made of nothing. Chicago Tribune.
Men cannot consistently deride wo-
men for wasting SO much cloth IN
making their sleeves, so long as they
themselves are wearing the long g-talled
coats that are in fashion. .-Someryine
! Journal.
Author--'I am troubled with in
somnia. I lie awake at night, hour
after hour, thinking about my literary
work" Friend-'''Why don't you get
up and read portions of it|--Brook-
lyn Life.
'1f, as the Bible says, all flesh is
grass, " said the star boarder at tho
breakfast table yesterday, "this steak
must be the kind of stuff those tough
Mexican hammocks are made of. -
Philadelphia Record.
Jess miss Fitz gives her age as
twenty-nine, but she means thirty.
Bess--"Then why don't she say thir-
ty?" Jess-"Oh, that's the way mer-
chants mark their goods, nowadays.
Kate Fields Washington.
Duel Up to Date ~ challenge you
to duel " Accepted. "Your
choice of weapons--dagger or pistols?'
Neither Winter ascent of Mont
Blanc-rotten rope-three feet dis
tancc, "-Fliogonde Blaetter.
II don't know whether 1 like those
pictures or not, " said the young
woman. "'fhey seem rather indis'
tinct," "But you must remember,
madame, said the willy photographer,
"that your face is not at all plain. -
Indianapolis Journal
II mood a new umbrella, and I'm
going to buy one, declared Mrs. Nc
Bride. "Let me give You piece o.
advice about buying umbrellas,
added her husband ''Neyer buy OF
n rainy day. 'I'd like to know why
lot?" Because they are always VI
them. Detroit FREQ Press.
Dear, asked Mrs. Wickwire, look
ing up from her paper, what doe
: this paper mean by referring to the
superiluous womanY What is tn,
superauous woman?" 'In our en-
gagemeut days, answered Mr.. Wick
wire, 'the. superfuous woman wa
vour Younger sister. "-IndianapOlii