The record-union., 1894-08-18
AUNT MIRANDY.


her natural powers. This was intensified
by her possession Of what might be prop
erly termed large and permanently dor
mant means.
Mr.. Trigtidy, who was in the manu-
featuring line. and who was Aunt Mi
randy's brother, had often remarked to
his good wife:
''Clara Trigtidy, if Aunt Mirandy was
man she would make the wheels OF
affairs go around with hum"
'Triplebob Trigtidy, / wish she was,
for then she wouldn't be here and all over
every room in the house The same min
ute," that lady would respond with such
a show of feeling that her husband was
stirred into temporizing apology and de-
fense.
"You must admit she's a remarkable
woman?o
Remarkable"
'With tremendous powers?"
tremendous"
"And keen and penetrating insightintc
things?
Keen and penetrating"
with extraordinary activity"
''Ex traordinary."
"a great factor in the church?''
"Great."
"a most original thinker"
Always"
''And she's got lots of money!"
'Oh, / suppose So"
(which We'll get?"
"When?"
"Oh, when Aunt Mirandy's through
with it."
"When'u that be?''
CLARA, she's past CO."
And we re only just past 40, but really
older than she?"
Tut, tutW
"Whlle she has already ruled this house
for twenty years; ever since a year after
we were married, Triplebob?"
MY, my"
AND brought our children into the
world and took 'em out OF it?''
''Gracious, Clara"
'And worried those that lived until we
had TO send them away?"
Don't put ii that way, wife!n
And engaged our servants and Sc
lected our clothing, and decided on our
food and chosen our friends and made
our enemies?"
Dear. dear!-not so bad as that.'
And owned this house and made me
a slave instead OF wife, and you grow
cling instead OF a man-all for a few
paltry dollars you nope to some time
get?'
''Dear. dear, dearr'
'Oh, Triplebob Trigtidy, isn't a real
home for those you love, while you and
they are yet living, more than possible
inheritance when every thing dear is
gone and the grave is all there is left to
long for?"
Mr.. Trigtidy was astonished and con-
fused. dis good wife had never rose uD
10 this hight of protest until this moment
when. as be was about 10 leave for his
Office ct a late hour OF the morning, the
unfortunate subject of Aunt Mirandy had
again been broached.
Like most men OF affairs he had taken
only the business view OF his erratiC
elder sister. Give me home, Triple
bob" she had said in her curt direct
way, land when Pm gone I'Il leave you
nlillionp
1t had seemed an easy way, good and
flial way, 10 become rich and powerful
lie had only thought of that, and, like
so many other well meaning mon, hau
never eomprehended, or had ignored the
first sacred duty of the husband to pre-.
serve the home intact from whimsical
and offensive influences, which the wife
and the children almost solely suffer,
from irresponsible or tyrannlcal rela.
tives.
They were coming up from the break
1aSt-fOOln LOgeCner.
"There she is now-berating the cler-
gyman," whispered Mrs. Trigtldy, as she
brushed a few hopeless tears from hel
cheek, and the two heard a shriIl voice
advancing from the reception room intC
the hallway with bland, protestive tones
and Irregular footballs preceding it.
MIR. Trigtidy peered through the banis.
ters apprehensively. He saw the gaun
but erect form of Aunt Mirandy advanc
Of
clergyman of their own church. Hel
eyes flashed, her arms whirled wildly ii:
her hands came together in resounding
whacks in emphasis OF her words, anC
her grizzled locks, disarranged from tht
violence OF her indignant headshakings
whipped threateningly about her scrawny
neck and head.
.'Hush!" snorted Aunt Mirandy. OF
will not get pennyW
But, my dear Miss Trigtidy,'i gasped
the astonished clergyman. lodging the
newelpost cieverly.
Don't but me, sir! / won't have it
Church Extension Funds? Huh! Why
don't you stop extendin'? Why dom
you stop tryln' TO outdo other churches
Why don't you stop your everIastin' beg
gin'?'
"Kemember your means, your yearsD
pleaded the Clergyman, executing deX-
Trous right-about-face, during which ht
recovered his hat and umbrella.
MY means and my years, eh?" re-
torted the irate maiden lady. "Hain't t
blame for my ye8rs-you better look Il
homeland l wouldn't have any means
left in a week If your Kind had your
way!"
4 beg of you. Miss Trigtidyp
''Of course you dol It's all in the name
of the Lord. Oh, what hasn't He had tC
standi It's all in the name of religion
Oh, what hasn't it had to stand! It's al
in the name OF charity! Oh, what hasn't
it had to standp'
81 am panied and surprised-r"
''Be, be you? So is everybody else.
Ask people, if you don't believe it
Comm here in your carriage to beg, beg
be flr church extension while thou.
sa DIS are siaryin' all around US! Beg
pie, scheme. juggle with church poll.
ties like an alderman and nobody bein
helped or savedp'
This is astounding, Miss-p
''Of course 'tis Thought so, forty
year. What's churches for? Show!
Not muchi What's religion for? Palace
building? Not muchl What's charity
for? Gettin' your name in the papersl