The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1894-02-23
A RIDDLE.
CAPTAIN Palmer's Reasons for Leav-
ing the Country.

posa on the Sth of March, and to state
issue of today have read the statute
OH sedition; a guilty conscience needs
no accuser, and being sure that / have
sown sedition in this paradise of the
Pacific, / propose to get out of the
country ere the situation becomes
still more complicated. You may not
know that there are several of the
most powerful nations already in
volved, but do; there is nothing like
going away from home to learn the
news, and it is strange TO me that
your local newspapers should leave to
a stranger the honor of discovering
this new complication in your affairs.
1t happened on this wise:
Some time ago / announced my in
tentiOn of uniting my name and for
tunes with that party who should be
gin the decapitation of the Hawaiian
ROSTERS. 1t has begun, but so many
nations are involved that L hardly
know today my own nationality.
America, 1t seems, announced that its
morning slumbers were much dis
turbed by that very bird whose Latin
name (Gallus) gives US our word gal
lantry. Manuscripts OF fifty thousand
words were neglected, important des-
patches deferred to ensuing steamers,
and all because rooster would sound
his matutinal notes at the Hawaiian
Hotel. So, wishing to appeal TO a
strictly neutral power China was called
in, with the hope that the easy way
mandarins have always cut off the
heads of offenders might form a prece
dent for the beheading of these dis
turbers of International peace. But,
alas, there was also the traditional
conservatism of China. Aud, as usual,
there was the willy, diplomatic excuse,
for the representative OF that govern
ment in diplomatic circles gave his
royal dust-cloth another whisk, and
simply said: "Me no catchee he"
Even the offer of indemnity not eX-
ceeding five dollars did not move
China TO abandon the policy of nom
interference, which has been hers
FOR centuries. America gave China
his passports, although the reputation
for truthfulness / have enjoyed for
some twenty years, leads me to add
that some reports allege that it was
entirely the other way, and that
America seeing that the rooster was !
too willing to accept safe-conduct out |
OF the country under the protection of |
China. But, what do We not owe to |
feminine tact !. At this critical mo- |
ment the same kindly influence which !
so captivated President Cleveland, |
and won the love OF his amiable wife, |
appeared on the scene, I mean the |
persuasion of beauty in tears. Know
ing the dilemma in which a beautiful
girl has plunged two nations Il should
have been just as susceptible had /
been in President CleveIand's shoes,
/ do not think L will hazard mention
of the name OF the fair advocate;
will only say it was a sweet woman
who had perfect right TO take an
interest in the affair; indeed, L be-
lieve she not only mas right to the
interest but the principals; so she
made an appeal TO the freemen; now
as fr.emen are rather rare in this
world, he or they, does not seem to
have recognized that there was any
other way out of it but To enlist an
army for capturing Gallicia; recruits
came in nobly. The crowd OF small
boys in the hotel-yard soon showed
that freemen were better than an
effete monarchy like that of China.
The sultan of Gallicia and his whole
harem were surrounded and on cap
ture instantly beheaded. 1t is re-
ported that all the boarders at the
hotel noticed q sudden richness in the
giblet soup, and even that fricasseed
was served fer breakfast, but
/ cannot stop to mention rumors. And
now appears another complication;
Portugal, a power we cannot afford to
offend, complained to Gen. Fireman.
that, the decapitated members
Of the Gallician parliament were her
subjects, being chosen for their fight
ing prowess, and trained at an enOr-
nous expense. Gen. Fireman. re-
'erred the representative OF Portugal
TO America, and n commissioner was
sent out who bLuntiy, ii. G. all on one
side), stated his case. To this, Amer
ca responded by demanding specifica-
tons; they We're not only given to
Americas perfect satisfaction, but that
power at once promised indemnity.
Portugal sullenly accepted the prom
Sc, but hasn't yet seen the indemnity.
At this stage of the international diff
iculty / was appealed to by Portugal.
As in the first place, the original dis
.urber of your Eden; my offence being
hat of raising discomfort and
with the right of native
porn Hawaiians to sit up all night
and crow because they have such a
good government. On this uneXpect-
I'd Indictment 1 was speechless, and L
ear il will not be noLLe prOseQui with
ne, although you suggest it may be
with another offender. / thought to
gain time and also secure the protec-
ion of Portugal-at least as protec-
enough to get out OF the |
by proposing double indem-
lity. So, although there was only one
party to the arbitration, decided that
he provisional government of the
Hawaiian Hotel and the representa- !
i've of America should each be mulct-
,d in four times the sum originally
offered by America to China. No APP 1
peal has as yet been taken to Presi-
lent Cleveland or President Dole, but
fear that it may require both those 1
officials to- sustain my decision. There
ore, as this island has already proved
% be too small to accommodate two