Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1894-09-20
Let Us All Laugh.

else Of yours, then, Detroit Free
Press
"Dm you ever go to Bins, the
tailor?' Eyes. Got two suits from
him. One dress suit Che law suit.
Very expensive man."
CLERK-"Are you going to dis
charge me, them" Druggist-"Yes;
think we can dispense without
you. Harvard Lampoon.
View @ referred to conversation
he had had with two female eaf
mutes as "a little exercise with the
dumb bellies. "-PhiIadelphia Record.
WIFE-'Don't you believe the gas
meter is defective in some Way"
Husband ut may be, but | notice
that it is able to fill the bill every
month"
SHE-"You are awfully young to
be called colonel" He-"Weil, |
have been in eighteen engagements
and the girl and fought in every
one."-New York News.
EAsTERLY-"I suppose the cyclones
you have out here often lift every
thing right off Of farm" Westerly
-"Er-yes; everything except the
mortgage, Buffalo Courier,
SMIrH.JoNEs-"How do you man.
age to keep up your mental energy so
well?" Smith Brown-"My wife gives
me piece of her mind every morn
Ing before | start to work. Harlem
Life.
ToMMY-"Paw, / heard a man say
that Mr.. Bats was a self-made man.
What is a self-made MANI" Mr..
Tinkle-"A man who knows how to
buy dollars worth Of work fer so
cents"
LOVE in a cottage is becoming a
board Of health affair. Although
bread has thus far been exempt,
diphtheria bacilli have been found in
the cheese and kisses. philadelphia
Ledger.
Observation-Disclosures would you
do with tailor who never has your
trousers done at the time he has con-
tracted to deliver them?" Wien
biddle-"Sue him for breeches Of
promise"
The sarcastic girl always says lots
of brilliant things In the course of
her career, but she doesn't usually
get married as young as the majority
Of her high school classmates do. -
Somerville Journal.
Mrs. SKELETON BANG-"What new
dishes have you had since you have
your new COOKE" Mrs. Tinkle-"A
whole new dinner set and several ex-
ira pieces besides, and she's only
been here a week"
NURsE-"Luke at the awkward
little rascal Tryin' to put his tath-
in ring in his eye" Fond Mother
at is not awkwardness at all, Mary
Jane; it is instinct. He takes it for
monocle, "-Indianapolis journal.
"KRAUsE will have it that he made
a speech Of two hours duration at
the meeting but l see it only takes
up the space of half column in the
papers" .Ah; but, you know,
Krause Stammers. "-Humoristicher
Blaetter.
STUDIoUS BoY-"What is the mean.
ing of market value and intrinsic
valued" Father-"The market val
ue' is the price you pay for a thing;
intrinsic value is what you get when
you sell it to a second-dealer. lid
Bits.
ANIY-"l remember your frien5
Clare married Mr.. Nicotine so as to
reform him. He was such an intem-
perate smoker. How did she sue
ceed?" Joe-"Perfectly. He gave up
tobacco entirely-and took to drink +"
-Arkansaw Traveller.
"HoT!" he exclaimed. well, |
should say so. And the least exer-
tiOn wears me all out" And while
his wife toted a crying baby around
he wandered downtown and walked
eight miles and forty two laps around
a billiard table. Minneapolis Jour
nal.
WHEN young man returns from
a picnic and says he had a good time,
after rowing boats and pulling lilies
for summer girls, and eating lunch in
a pasture with the bugs, it is Just as
much a lie as though he said he
caught three hundred fish or killed a
Decentralization Globe.
GLAssEATER-An' volts de trouble
now? Manager - De two headed
mans more bodder den he's wort. l
came around tonight wild de weeks
salary, an de right head said it was
his turn ter get de swag; den up pops
de left an calls de right head liar.
an dere scrappin yet!-Syracuse
Post.
HE-"I love you, dearest, and
never shall love you one whit less. 1t
shall be my purpose as long as l live
to make you happy and contented.
Shelves, yes: I've been married be-
fore. Let us come down to something
practical. How much are you going
to allow me per week for spending
money!"
Il WONDER if it is necessary to bal
ance books in business?" said Mrs.
Smith, addressing Mrs. Jones. 81
don't know; but why do You ask"
answered the latter lady. Il was