Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1894-08-15
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

You never hear couple of lovers
complain of mosquitoes on the front
porch.-Galvesto News.
Hospital Physician-'Yo are all
bruised up. l see" Patient-"1es; l
came IN an ambulance."-Life.
AT Breakfast-"Will you pass the
sugar. said the senator's wife Have
we done much of anything else?' in
quired the absent-minded statesman
Washington Star.
Reporter is an item about q
boy who went wading in Florida and
was swallowed by an alligator. What
head shall l use?'' Editor-'Try Wade
and Found Wanting "-Printer's Ink.
Broadly speaking, this world of ours
who have trouble with their servants
and people who can't afford to have any
servants to have trouble with.-Somer-
vile Journal.
-T.ushley-'I hadn't been at my new
boarding house twenty-fOur hours before
[ knew the landlady was opposed to
strong drink" an, t =! 1, "a you YOU
her coffee Buffalo Courier.
Fond Mother-"Do you think my
daughter will become a fine pianist"
Prof Won Thump-"I am afrait nod,
madame But after another years prac-
tice her fingers viii be limbered up SO dot
she can make brilliant success NIT a
typewriter. Good News.
Miss Faith Cure-'Now, Mrs. Blunt,
after hearing the experiences of our
mercy has done for their salvation, don't
you think you would like to join us?'
Mrs Blunt-''No, thanks. I'm afraid
I'm not bad enough. Judge.
Jack Manley-"Look here, Willy! Be
cause you have lost your heart to that
girl. it is no reason why you should lose
your head" Willy Weaktop-"Well,y you
see. Jack, my heart was IN my mouth
when l proposed to her, and in accepting
my heart she took my head with it,
Harper's Bazaar.
A Text for Dress Reformers: "Woe
to the women that sew pillows TO all arm
holes. Ezekiel, xiii, 1S-Truth.
Miss Streeter is learning to ride
bicycle" How is she succeeding?'
''Oh. she doesn't get on very well. Life.
-Clerk-''Are you going to discharge
can dispense without you."-Harvard
Lampoon.
The poker table is about the only
place where a man can have the blues
and be happy at one and the same time
Buffalo Courier.
-Wigwag referred to conversation
he had had with two female deaf mutes
little exercise WITH the QuulD
bellies. ''-Philadelphia Record.
George (seriously)-"Do you think
your father would object to my marrying
you:" Ada don't know; if he's any
thing like me he would. It'd Bits.
America has no standing army, !
believe" said the foreigner. 1T is clear
YOU haven't spent much time in the street
ears of this great country, replied the
native.-Truth.
Office Boy-"Dere's two men out dere
wants TO see yer; one of ems poet. and
tother n s a def man." Editor-'Well,
go out and tell the poet that the deaf
man is the editor!'-Puck.
A Heroic Measure-''You're not in
love. Robbie You only think you are"
We'll how the dickens am [ to ind out
my mistake if l am mistaken" oh,
marry the young woman by all means. =
Harper's Bazaar.
Was it drink that brought you to
this place." asked the young woman who
was engaged in philanthropic work. mo,
miss replied the hardened offender.
''Twas the lack of it. / was that done
up wild thirst tibet | tried ter steal 4 key
o beer" ashington Star.
Miss Citimaid lin the country)-'Why
is it that you country people, when you
come TO the city, always go 10 some the
alter that is presenting play full OF cOun-
try scenes farmhouses, fields, agricult-
urai machinery, hay wagons, and such
things"' Farmer Meadow-''Wall, we
don't care SO much for the plays; but I
just tell you it's mighty comfort to sit
and enjoy country scenes without mos
quitoes. New York Weekly.
students of language would confer a
favor by deciding whether an advanced
and a forward woman are the same
Philadelphia Times
-Clerk-'I would like to have my sal
ary raised. BoggS gets Sc more than me
and he don't do any more work 1t is I'M
just" EmpIoyer-''Yes it is unjust I'll
reduce Boggs' salary Philadelphia
Record.