The Washington bee., 1894-02-03
THE DOCTOR EXPLAINED.
He Didn't Know Himself Why the Drugs
Cured and Couldn't Tell.

Cured and Couldn't Tell.
It began in this way: Col. -, Late
of the Indian army, a valued patien
and good friend, with no other vice
than a mania for inquiring into the
why and wherefore of things, consulted
me about certain symptoms Of gou
that were causing him some anxiety
and I, having run him through the
gamut Of questions without which nc
consultation is supposed to be com
plete, prescribed for him. The seventh
morning after-a morning destined tc
be fatal to my future peace of mind
he turned up again, cured, buoyant
grateful, but, alas! curious.
"You know, old man." he com,
menced, that from a child have been
cursed with a brutal analytical mania,
and / have come to ask you Gn pure
ly friendly spirit few questions
about this wonderful prescription of
yours that has so completely cured
me-"
He slowly drew the thing from his
pocket. II should not take this lib
erty,' he continued, were I not aware
of the fact that medicine is Of all sci
ences the least mysterious and the most
above-boau."
1 was beginning to feel little un-
comfortable, when, having carefully
read the paper, he launched QUIT
notice there are here seven distinct
drugs. Now, will you kindly start by
telling me if in combination they act
with their seven different potentialities
unimpaired, or, by mixing them, are
you aiming at some new salt that holds
in solution the unaltered capacity Of
each?'
By this time had broken out into q
cold perspiration, and, rising from my
chair, [ asked him if he would excuse
me while went to the dining-room for
some matches. Returning, 1 sat down
with the emphasis Of man who means
it, and with some deliberation said, II
think So" He frowned his dissatisfac-
tion, and SO, by way of parenthesis, I
added, Il need scarcely remind YOU a
man of science, that where perfect
chemical compounds, in contradistinc-
ton to mechanical mixtures, depend
for their amalgamation entirely upon
exosmosis, the atomical efficacy of each
alkaloid must remain always in the in
verse ratio Of its specific gravity"
He followed me without an effort and
smiling his thanks, continues: Quite
so, quite so; but now tell which of
these seven drugs cured me- Do you
mind going for one moment into de-
tails? I'll take first this one'' Che read
it with cruel slowth): "'Potas, lodi.
Now to what class of drug, if any,
does this belong. Never mind me- old
fellow; speak out" I did, cautiously
but courageouSly.
Its an Alternative"
Al beg your pardon?'
An Alternative"
(Which means?"
Something that alters"
ALTERS What?"
Well, look here, Colonel-I will de-
scend to the level of the lay mind-it
alters your diathesis''-
My Up
Your diatheSiS; which means simply
the long reyerberating mountain-echo
Of inherent tendencies, the WHISPERED
curse Of progenitors that has curdled
your urates and rendered your phos-
phates luminous-you follow me?"
lie nodded pleasantly, and said:
Thanks, .awfully, for making it so
clear to me; but let us go on. [ want
now to come to the next drug opium
what is opium?'
1T is Gods gift to man; it is the tear
OF the poppy that has first blushed and
then Wept for us; it isl
No, no, please don't To what order
ofSdrug does it belong?"
It's sedative"
But thought it increased sensation. !
De Quincy tells us So"
Quite so; but-excuse me, I want |
some more matches.'
When 1 returned he had helped him. |
self to refreshments, got his wind, and |
reloaded. "Now, then, [ want partic11-
larly to know what are the intrinsic
properties of opium. Of course, a. spe-
clalist like yourself would not prescribe |
so powerful a drug without knowing.
but to an amateur like myself it is a
little confusing.
My head was beginning to swim, and. !
as a last resource, / suggested post
ponlng the discussion for some future
Gay, as L was anxious to talk to him
about Home Rule (anything was better F..
than this). But no, there was no shunt- /
ing him off the line of his fad: and so, !
carefully closing the door, and binding !
him down to perfect secrecy, | laid nv !
whole soul bare before him.
Colonel" I said, 'in the good old |
days when the witches danced around |
their caldron to the tune of weird song. !
was above the pitiful level of !
a mere art. But now, we modern medi- ,
cine men. irrevocably harnessed to sci |
ence, find that we have been dragging !
up through the ages a CARLOAD of yege- !
tables ,(as for Covent Garden) to hawk !
about the streets and prate of; but the !
public are finding them stale and the !
Of faith evaporated. A blatant
lgnosticism such as your own. which
pardon my saying SOY is to me as BIAS ]
phemus as an incubator, has ruined !
mems chances of either living in ease !
Dr. dying in comfort. And-sh!-I am !
not at all sure that little knowledge
las not made quacks Of us ALL What |
You can't stay to lunch? You must /
come again soon, won't you?" - Pail 1
Mall Budget.
Noses Revised and Amended /
If Cleopatra were alive to-day the /
anrfh Of hpr poSa world have I;441o -