The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1894-05-24
TOO MUCH FOR THE CYCLONE.
A Startling Proof from Kansas of the Az
finity Between Wind and whiskers.

finity Between Wind and whiskers.
''They amt no doubt but Kansas is
great state for whiskers,' said the
man with the ginger beard, ''and
what's more, this here connection be-
tween wind and whislkers amt the
funny joke some folks thinks it is"
''|er instance said the grocer,
winking, ~ low now. that eff you was
tn shave them there the grocer gavean
Imitation of the bleating of a goat
that you wouldn't be able to tell them
windy yarns, eh?'
The man with the ginger beard was
so busy picking the tail and fins off d
dried herring in such manner as to
lose none of the meat that the grocer's
sarcasm missed its mark. After the
herring had been disposed of and
washed down with a drink of water
the man with the ginger beard con-
tinued:
AS l was Sayin', the connection be-
tween wind and whiskers was shown
to me out in Kansas in a durn funny
way. You see, they was a old Teller
out there that, eff he hadn't been re-
publican, could "a started out on the
reputation of his whiskers and beat ole
PETER so fur fer the senate that Cor
bett an Mitchell wouldn't "a been in
1T for sample of sure thing. Well,
one day this ole Teller goes out on his
farm and runs right square up agin
one of the finest sample of cyclone
that Kansas has put up for many
day. One of the hands over in the
tnlI n hpnf - L.
sees the cyclone hit the old man, an
started on dead run for the house to
git the wagon to haul in his mangled
remains though he lowed he might
have to go to the next county to find
'em. Now, what do you think? He
gifts out to the field where he last see
the old man, an, stead of findin' ary
remains, he finds him standin' there
live as ever and lool1in' puzzled. Didn't
L see twister comm your way?' asked
the hired man. 4 guess you did, says
the old feller an that's what's puz-
zlin' me. The thing came along an
run right inter me, and then
the next thing l knowed it was
gone. Didn't go up in the air
or nothin' else. Near as | can figure it
out it must NV been a mysterious dis
pensation.' The ole Teller was stuck
on schOolma' am that had come from
back east, an that very night he asst
her to marry him, which she said she
would eff he would take off them whis-
kers. 1t nigh broke his heart, but he
knuckled under. So the next day he
goes to a barber shop in town near by
and tells the barber to cut 'em loose
Well, the barber turns loose on 'em
whiskerS an in the next minute that
there barber shop was scattered all
over the county, half the town was
blowed down an the other half was
shook out of shape. 1t was the queer
est thing anyone ever heard of, an |
don't suppose it would ever ha been
explained if a Teller who come along
with Il show, and was sellin' patent
medicine, hadn't "a explained it. He
said that the fact was that the cyclone
bad got tangled up in old Abner's
whiskers when it disappeared so sud-
den, an had been stickin' there until
the barber cut the whiskers off and
gave it chance to escape"
There was crash and a smothered
exclamation, and the grocer at first
had wild hope that the man with the
ginger beard had been struck by light
ming, but an investigation showed that
it was only the man from Potomac
Creek, who had fallen from his seat on
the counter into the tub of eggs.-In-
dianapOlis Journal