Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-01-04
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEM
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and T.augllablc Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists OF Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
SprinkRes OF Spice.

DE SUAlCHU WIUIf yOul iUe dAu uulG
trying to sell it.-Dallas News.
The whisky drinkers countenance
is apt to be all awry.-Lowell Courier
The storm seenter is usually To-
Gated in the Weather Bureau. At
lanta Constitution.
WHEN man has no bills against
him he must feel as if he belonged to-
the nobility.
If you'll notice, it, is generally the
breezy sort Of fellow who puts on the
fewest airs. Buffalo Courier
Do MEN ever remember the prom
Uses they make to travelling statesmen
and women? tchison Globe.
IT is probably when he "blows it
in" that a man filings his money to
the Winds Boston Transcript.
EVERY man is supposed to know
his own business, but it is hard for
his friends to believe it.-Puck.
THE politician isn't narrow-minded
be is willing to put himself into
anytodys place. -Elmira Gazette
You can't tell the size of mans
bank account by the magnitude of his
chrysanthemum. Philadelphia Rec
ord
WILLIE" said the history teacher,
chow did Cleopatra die?" "She bit
herself with snake" said Willie. -
Puck.
THIS is a strange proceeding" SAID
the absconding cashier as he grabbed
the money, land can't account for it,
Plain Dealer.
1--WE come down to turn out the
gas" remarked Miss Sweets father
as he collared Mr.. Staylate. - Bing-
hamton Republican.
AN Irish chiropodist announces
that he has removed corns from all
the crowned heads Of Europe. -
Philadelphia Record
you may twin my mustache, aw,
said Gilly to the barber. eyes, sir,
replied the latter: did you bring it
with you?"-Br0Oklyn Life.
NoTw1THsTAND1NG the provisions
of the tariff bill the sugar men win
get a, ong somehow if they only have
enough sand. Rochester Post.
The practice Of speaking of a rail-
road train as feminine gender is
wrong. especially if they are mail
ns.-Binghamlo Republican.
GUEST (angrily)-"Say, boy, I've
been waiting here an hour" Waiter
THAT'S all right, boss. Pve been
waiting here five years. detroit
Free Press.
"Do YOU think that gratuitous adj
vice ever results in good?" Il know
it does-that is. to the one who gives
it, 1t makes him feel good. BOSTON
Transcript.
YOUNG CA1.LoWE-J expect to-
start for London and Paris to-mor-
row Gan ] do anything for you?"
Prunella-"Y be sure not to miss
your steamer. "-Life's Calendar.
Mrs. CHATTER--"Do you believe
that cures can be effected by the.
laying on of hands," Mrs. Chatter
Most certainly. ! cured my boy OF
smoking in that ay."-Brooklyn,
Life.
KRAN1CH-l vas be sufferin' nit
insomnia, DOCTOR. Doctor-lndeedt:
Kranich-Yah. When | vas be-
asleep, ] vas snore SO loud dot | vas.
geeb mineself awake der whole nighd.
Life.
FRIEND don't see how, on your,
income, you manage to winter in
Florida and summer in Maine.
sharpp-You forget by that plan 4
dodge + 9th coal and ice bills.-New
York Weekly.
"DoAN put yer min too much on
outward decorations" said Uncle
EbeD. "Hit am bettah ter hab cab
bage undah yoh Wastcoat dan er
chrysanthemum in yer button-hole.
Washington Star,
MRS. ELDERLElan-"Do you Boye
your teacher, johnny" Johnny--
eyes. ma'am." Mrs. Elderleigh--
"Why do you love her?" Johnny
";Cause the Bible says we're to love
our enemies. Puck.
GALLUP-"Do you think can safe
ly trust business secret to Banks2"
Higbee-"I should say SO. lent
him a sovereign nearly yea ago
and he has never breathed a word
about il since. I'D Bits.
"WHAT are your hopes foE The, flu
tu1e?" asked the solemn man. Il
have none just now" replied the
youth Tomorrow is my best girls
birthday. and I'm worrying about
the prese MT. "-Life's Calendar
THE wall flower" remarked the
philosopher" lis often the only girl
in the ballroom W ho can cook dim
ner7 yes. responded Miss World
Ing. @and the girl who dances is the
only one who cana digest it."-De-