The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1894-07-06
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
IN0S HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and JokeIets that Are Supposed To
Have Been Recently Born-sayings and
Doings that Are Odd. Curious. and Laugh
sble--The Weeks Humor.


ABOUT the only chance for rOOr
gas consumer is 10 burn with indig.
nat on.-Plain Dealer.
THOSE who start out for lark are
apt to take many a swallow en- the
road Lowell Courier.
The fool Is man who goes up to a
blockhead and implores him 70 be
sensible. Galveston News.
THERE is often close relationship
between crooked actions and desper-
ate straits. Lowell Courier.
Iris true that doctors disagree, but
then they don't disagree half as much
as their medicines do-Life.
AFTER all it is only right that the
bill collector should treat his victims
with due respect. Buffalo Courier.
UNCLE GEoRGE-Are you good at
guessing? Little Dick-Yes indeed,
I'm head in the spelling class. Good
News.
THE Western rivers are quoted
considerably higher than the West
ern railroads just at present.-Boston
Herald.
"ER man kin run inter debt" said
Uncle Eben, "but when it comes ter
gettin' out he's gotter crawl Wash
ington Star.
IT is not alone the inebriate who
stakes drop too much;" the balloon
ist often suffers the same penalty
Yonkers Stateman.
A YOUTH visiting a girl six or sew
en- times week also proves time Is
money. He uses it to pay his adj
dresses. Philadelphia Times.
GRANDPA's birthday: MANY happy
returns Of the day, grandpa; and
mamma says If you give us each so
cents, we mustn't lose it. "-Brooklyn
Life.
GILHooLY-I wonder why wars are
not as prolonged now as they were in
ancient times? Mrs. Gilhooly-It
must be becau.e divorces come easier.
Detroit Tribune.
THAT new bullet-proof cloth may
keep out bullets, but has any one
tried it in pair of knickerbockers
for small boy? That should be the
final test Buffalo Express.
SOME Of the New York policemen
have not been In hurry TO clean out
the saloons, but they have done their
best, it would seem, To clean out the
proprietors. -Yonkers Statesman.
Miss GUsHEY-"Mr. Dewdrop, when
you were introduced last night you
certainly looked familiar" Mr.. Dew
drop-"Dont be alarmed. 1 am very
reserved, as matter of fact
Truth.
HE-"They are not on speaking
terms, you know" She-"Why they
are dead in love with each other" He
For that reason they don't speak;
they just sit and gaze at each other"
Boston Transcript.
SIR" said the indignant constitu.
ent, Il am compelled to say that you
have acted the part of a knave."
Great JONAH" replied the astonished
Congressman, would you have me be
a fool?"-Indianapolis Journal.
"WHEN l look into your eyes, Jen-
ME, dear" he said, at surprises me
to remember that you are a teacher
Of primary class" "Why, George?"
she asked. because, dear, your pu-
pills are so large. "-Harper's Bizar.
JACK has finished my portrait"
AT last! l didn't think he ever
would" "Oh, yes He's been at work
on 1t only year" "Dear me. Isn't
that long timer" ave didn't think
so. We're engaged now. "-Harper's
Drawer.
Mrs. SPEKEEZY-"Oh,y you may not
see any beauty in me now; but you
told me that you fell in love with my
face" Mr.. S.-"Yes, my dear; hut
when / fell in love with your face
your features were in repose Dos.
ton Transcript.
BRIDGET-D'ye moind tn way Thin
Oytalians motions wild their hands
an arrums an heads and bodies
whin they talks? Patrick-Begorra.
how ilse could they undirshtand plat
aich other do be chatterin' about
New York Weekly.
II is very much easier for a girl to
stand before an audience in white
silk dress and the consciousness that
she is looking well, and talk OF the
nobility and courage that meet life
boldly, than 1t is to be patient while
washing dishes. -Atchison Globe.
HUsBAND-"Our bills for household
expenses are as large as ever. / told
you to reduce them" Wife, did.
/ took from $40 to $40 off each one,
but the tradesmen acted 50 about IL
that l thought you'd better go around
and reduce them yourself. - New
York Weekly.
CANT you give me employment,
ma'am?" said the tramp. II haven't
had anything TO do for months"
Poor fellow What can you do?"
well, ma'am, am a good watcher.
If l could sit out here on your front
porch and watch the front gate, SOS
no one could steal 1t, you'd find l
was very competent" = Harpers
Bazaar.
Tur vounU 1oIv ~ fho nc M xvoo