The Opelousas courier., 1894-05-05
THE JOKER'S BUDGET

THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
,JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Had SiIenced observation-disclosures
ary--He Had Her, Etc, Etc.
IMITATION II sINCEREsT FLATTERY.
Widow want a stone for my hus-
bands grave exactly like the other
one in the lot.
Agent-3ut isn't it trife small for
@ man of your husbands prominence?
Widow--No, sir! If Thomas
thought a stone like that. was good
enough for his first wife, | guess it's
plenty good enough for Thomas.--
Life.
HE HAD sILENCED HER.
She-Oh, George, that horrid Brooks
& IN O'
girl saw you kiss me last night.
He--That's all right. She won't
say anything. / kissed her, too.-
Detroit Free Press.
PARLIAMENTARY
Peripatetic Pete-Well, ~fellers,
what shall it be? Are we to boycott
odd Podgers for pilin' his wood in an
,obtrusiye and insultin' manner in the
front yard? or shall we make him
come down extra?
Ubiquitous SWELL don't care
what the rest of you do, but I wash
nv hands of the whole business.
Wandering Willie-I rise TO a pint
of order. The chap as has jest set
down spoke of washing his hands. I
claim that his language is unparlia-
mentary. 1t is a reflection on the
profesh.
Peripatetic Pete-The pint is well
taken. The question is what are we
goin' to do about old Podgers?-
{BDston Transcript.
HE HAD Her..
The Anti-Woman's Rights Man
No, women can't push their way
through the world like men.
The Woman's Rights Woman
They can, sir.
The A. w. R. M.-Not so rapidly.
The w. r. W.-Yes, sir.
The A. w. R. M.-You are mis-
taken, madame. You start a mar
and woman out in the world at 90
years of age each, and he'll be 30 be-
fore she's 24.- New York Press.
A FRANK EXPLANATION.
"Johnny," said the youngsters UNI
Gle, ''your teacher tells me that your
class is the most orderly in the whole
school"
ayes sir. | know she says that.
You see, sir"
"Well, what's the matter?'
"Why, our teacher is near-sighted."
Jack said he "a going to propose
70 Miss Snow last night and wouldn't
take No for an answer. How did he
come out?"
HE won her"
"He did? Well, it seems he gets
Snow for an answer, after all"
SOMEWHAT SIMILAR.
Mr.. Sinnickle had just been reading
of the marriage Of a young N
with money to a man with a foreign
ancestry.
Modern matrimony," he re-
marked, ''makes me think of the
novel"
Gin what respect?"
aIt's a combination of striking
title, gilt-edged binding and mighty
poor piece of work, after ALL
fGlobe Democrat.
NOT DISPOSED TO BE OBSTINATE.
Employer-There- is a difference,
sir, of $3.50 between the amount of
money your books show to be on hand
and the amount actually on hand.
What have you to say, sir?
Employe-I-I'm willing to sub
init the difference to arbitration.-
Chicago Tribune.
FATE.
Rollie-I wish | didn't like candy,
mamma.
Mamma-Why, Rollie?
Rollie-Why, because then | sup
pose people would give me lots of it
Harper's Young People.
ToMMY's AMIABLE RECREATIoNs.
His Mother-What are you moping
around the house for, Tommy? Why
don't you go over and play with
Charlie Pinafore?
Tommy-'Cause / played with
Charlie yesterday and | don't s'pose
he's well enough, yet.-Chicago
Record.
CHANGED HIS NAME WITH HIS oFFENsE.
One of the local Justices of the Peace
identified the prisoner at the bar as an
old offender.
Justice-What is your name?
Prisoner-Sam Jackson.
Three years ago, when you We're
up before me you said your name