The morning call., 1894-05-22

reporter, who happened to be looking in
the window at the sametlme
Not understanding the proposition the
reporter said he gave it up"
'Ot course, you don't know what it is"
said the carrier, cOnfidentially, but I'll
tell you what's bOthsring me and making
me feel gloomy. You know next Satur-
day we letter-carriers are going to have
great time at the MidwlnteT Falr-athletic
games, running races and all that. Now,
among the other attractions there Will be
ple-eatlng or a pIe-plunkinC tournament
and were taxing considerable interest in
II, ana there are a dozen or more Of us who
have been getting in condition for it for
weeks past Eugene Flanders out at Sta
ton b, you know, holds the medal among
US for fiapjack- and pie-anni-
h,Iatng. ana we boys down at the main
office are going to make big effort to get
the championship among US.
CLERK Sullivan started in first, YOu
see. he got dead sure pointer that
Flanders had two kinks in his jaw. and
couldn't open it by four inches as wide as
he did formerly. This means a good deal
in pie-eaiinE, and Sullivan, who has long
had an ambition to snatch the pie-crust
train on new scheme. He had his Jaws
massaged and oiled every day until they
had ten-lDch swing. and he could draw
In pies as easily as you would peppermint
drops.
Then Ted Gaffney started In. BE die
not believe that success lay In the swing of
the jaws as much as in the width of IN
mouth. So he has been sleeping at night
with gag in his mouth, and now when b c
smiles or drops his lower jaw there is an
awful cavity between his nose and his
chest. His hat fell in the hole the other
day and was only recovered by a cane
handle.
Last Tuesday the news came downtown
that the boys at Station b were going in
cheerily to keen the prize for themselves
for fear that Flanders might fall down.
Each man out there. too, has his own pecu-
liar method of pre- pairing himself. Cupid
O'ConnOr. for instance, believes that the
cultivation Of an inward draught will get
more pies into a man than the swapping
jaws or Mammoth Cave mouth. He has
TO wear muZzle, | hear, while in the office
70 prevent m all matter from getting mixed
up with his draught
"Old Sport Stevens. from past expert
ence, is con WINGED that his only salvation Is
to play the funeral act-that is, stand with
his mouth open and have small boy get
off at distance of four feet and throw the
pies in. His reason for this is that, as he
told me on the quiet, he has heard that
Shorty O'Neill had put up job with the
baker to have the greater number of the
pies made of pums, with unusually big
DIS III them, and marked as black berry or
some other kind. By special sign he will
know these pies and avoid them, and while
the others are struggling to separate the
pemeat from the pits ne will be getting
the bulge on them with The easily masti-
Gated pics. as Stevens can't get on to the
mystic mbination of the plum pies he in
tends 10 plav the funeral act and eschew
masicaton."
But what has all this got TO do with
your meditatiOns on the pies and the
baker 2" inquired the reporter, as the man
of letters paused to once more gaze into
the window.
Just this. Pm going into that contest
and I'm getting afraid that l can't win.
Now. haven't big mouth that l can
swing open like a trapdoOr. nor have a
throat like funnel. so If Shorty O'Neill
can monkey with those pies l don't see
why shouldn't. This is the baker here
who is going 10 supply US with the pies.
and I'm going to get him TO stand in with
mr."
How, though ?'
"Well, Pm going to get lot of sponges
and cut them up into small pieces. These
he must put In the pies all except n few
which he must specially make. These'll
be for me. just wait till these other fell
lows get those sponRes In their stomachs
and the sponges swell. They'll be plugged
up in the fifth pie I'll bet, while l can Seep
on eating; that is If this baker will only
stand in. If he DON'T. why good-5y to