Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1894-05-16
MY SUICIDE.
Yes. ! have wished to die.

M L DO1OlDLs
Yes, ! have wished to die.
1t was just after receiving the assur.
ance that Amelie was false to me.
Was it indeed Amelie-this perfid-
ious coquette? Only think Of it. She
held my life in her little hand, and am
not now even sure Of her name. Young
men, this may astonish you, but you
will learn better in time.
l was young then-quite young, and
I no sooner learned Of my misfortune
than I determined to end my life. My
first intention was to shoot myself Oh
her stairway, but I bethought me of the
crowds that would see me there and Of
how Henriette-was not that her name?
would ridicule me, SO my amour pro.
pre- came to my rescue.
"No" said to myself, 'there must
be no excitement, no noise. The wound
ed bird conceals himself behind a tuft
of grass. Thus I wish to die-in some
corner-isolated, lost, forgotten.
In this eleglac frame of mind l took
the $50 train for Melun. 1t deposited
me at dusk, about 100 steps from the
Golden Lion-a we'll kept hotel, with
airy rooms, good beds and an excellent
table.
"What does monsieur wlsh?" asked a
little waitress, whom / have since found
to be very pretty.
Nothing"
was not hungry. I went to bed. My
sleep was fitful, and every instant I
thought saw Victorine-I believe her
name was Victorine-pass by on the
arm Of my rival
Then / struck out with my fist against
the wall, the iron bedstead or the mar
BILE top tale.
Twas much bruised next morning, but
what lnattered it, since I was so soon to
die?
went in quest of rope. had be.
lieved formerly that, when one wished
to hang oneself, nothing could be easier
than to find rope A sad mistake. In
my search l traversed the entire hotel
to no purpose The little waitress
the one whom ! have since found is SO
pretty-demanded Of me:
"But what does monsieur wish to do
with roper"
At last, with a length Of hemp in my
pocket, I left the hotel and made my
way to spot in the woods where I had
often been before. found here, behind
an inextricable tangle Of foliage, the
same inviting retreat where had once
fingered to dream. There could certain
ly exist no more appropriate spot for
the deed ! now contemplated.
While walking along ! had thought
Of Berthe - possibly her name was
Berthe-and I cursed her with all my
soul Then l looked at my rope. I meas
ured it. Tested its strength. 1t was not
the sort of rope I wished. 1t appeared
to be too short and too large around.
was vexed. You can scarcely imagine
how an annoyance of this sort may in.
fluence ones ideas.
And here was another vexation. Upon
reaching the chosen spot was disagreed
bly, surprised to find it occupied by an
other. A person, with his back turned
to me, was engaged in fastening rope
| to a branch above his head-the very
branch which l had selected for my
own.
"what are you doing there?" I de-
manded Of him.
He faced me suddenly.
"What concern of yours is it?'' he
asked.
"You think perhaps that do not di-
vine your intention" cried.
"And if I wish to kill myself that is
altogether my affair"
"Kill YOURSELF"
looked at him. He seemed to be an
amiable young fellow, with an open
countenance, sympathetic eyes and all
interesting pallor.
$50 you wish to kill yourself" And
/ suspecting him to be the victim Of an
unhappy love affair, added, "About
some worthless woman?"
"SirP' he cried.
"Poor idiot" thought. Lovers are
all alike-he defends her even yet"
The stranger was silent.
"Will you permit me to give you q
bit of advice?" ! inquired. Leave your
rope where it isl had noticed that
it was better than mine-''go home.
You will thank me for this afte,
awhile"
He shook his head.
II want to die.
Don't prepare any poignant regrets
for the morrow" continued, with
sweet insistence. "Irepeat what I have
said. After you are buried you will be-
moan your precipitancy, and then it will
be too late.
"You say this because you do moi
know what has happened to me-"
'But ] suspect"
"No, you cannot have even a suspi
cion. Oh, sir, woman whom adored
for whom"-
And he told me his story. Incredible
coincidence! 1t was absolutely my own
This comparison set me thinking. "Youl
silence shows me your approval, sale
Charles had just learned his name tt
be Charles.
"Not at ALL" I cried. I did not wish
to appear like weathercock. "Thert
is nothing in your history which JUST
fies you in having recourse to the end o.
Q rope"
Charles had begun to interest me
"Listen, my friend, you are out Of YOU
reason. Why should you wish to b