News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1894-03-01
BOOK OF GROVER.
BY Hezekiah, the Scribe.
CHAPTER /.

I
he manic and the Hawaiian trouble, i
,e,a vexed with vexation exceedlng, t
nasrnuch as they listeth not to the t
ocality where they abideth at. {
For behold, in the beginning they
,;rded mn their loins and went before /
he people, crying with loud voice, {
we say unto all men that we
,ra Groverites from exceeding far
back, and woe unto ye who forget It,
And verify, we hold in exceeding
rreat detestation that which the
children of men called the tariff, for
IS it not thing fashioned by our
enemies, the same which hath llcKeo
the everlasting stufting out OF US
from generation to generation?
Yea, verify, this same little pro-
tective tariff it buildeth furnaces in
the valley and smokestacks on the
top; it turneth the wheels
of progress and causeth the desert to
blossom like unto a green bay tree.
Wherefore do we OF the tribe OF
Grover the great despise the same as
a curse and an abominatlon III the
sight of men.
Yea. a stencil that offendeth our
nostrils, the same which we smeileth
from afar off.
And behold, in the great and terri
BILE dav of the ballot, when the armies
of voters be gathered together, shall
we arise in our might and smlte our
enemies into mincemeat.
Yea, we shall lay them out cold on
the platform of free trade, and cover
them over with planks of tariff res
form.
And our enemies shall be scattered
like unto the leaves of the forest, for
Grover shall rend them into frag-
ments like unto potter's vessel, the
which hath been smitJen by the Hip
Der of a youth, and then shall the
end come.
For in that day shall our banner
be planted on the outer wall OF the
GREAT citadel of the nation, and we
Shall bow down unto Grover, our
deliyerer. who shall thencetorth be
known as our Saviour on Mount
Buzzard.
And he shall reign for four years
and shall shower good times and fat
offices and special messages ana iree
| raw materials upon US IN rich aoun-
! dance forever.
And the black smoke of industry
shall no longer obscure the MONDAY
SIM. and the farmer shall wear pants
woven in foreign parts, and SOCKS
from the isles of the sea.
And it was even SO. And after the
snace of a time, Grover, who was a
mighty fisher, girded up his lines and
his chattels and his Cabinet and went
up and pitched his tent over against
the Capitol, which is in the land OF
Columbia, and the band played be-
hold the cat hath come back.
CHAPTER II.
Now when Grover was crowned
king of the Nation, it came to pass
that he was pulled up in the pride OF
his heart and his other viscera, mas
much as his raiment became several
cuhits too small to contain his joblots.
And he shook himself by the hand.
which is after the manner OF his
tribe, and spoke unto himself, say
ing, ha, hal
Behold, am monarch of all | car
get. Four years more of Grover
four more years ia clover! Q Ameri
ca. America, how often would l have
gathered We under my wing, but VI
would not.
But now I have ye on the hip, anC
We are confronted with a condition
not a theory, for behold l will rule Oh
ruin ye!
Yea, verify, to commence with,
will brandish my great silver sNprd
and all who believe on me and Hd m,
will shall be saved, all who dom
shall be broke.
And | will call my soothsayers to
gether and they shall tinker at tn
tariff, and when they have finished
their tinkering Mckinley, the fathe
of the factory, will not recognize tn
same.
And it shall come to pass that al
We who harken unto the sound OF m.
voice shall have seWing-machine
from Glasgow at cost and ten OF
and corrugated copper gaskets from
the ends of the earth.
And when Grover had spake thes
words he crew thrice and the peopl
! went out and wept bitterly.
e CHAPTER III.
Z And after the space of a time
! came to pass that when the sheI
herds took of the firstlings of thei
flock and sheared them, and went u
to the city to exchange their fleece
for pieces of silver, the wise men {
the season said unto them: Moth
t season. Some other season. Yes
: Grover is great. He is all wool an
i yard wide, but the slump in wool
# several cubits wider.
: And the shepherds marveled e.
k ceeding, and some of them, yea eve
!. they which had hardened unto til
voice of Grover, smote their breast
d and went up and down with Der
e heads crying one to another, " Is
e hold, if thou wilt kick me | will d
i even SO unto thee"
e And when the diggers of the cart
went up with their silver and lea
= and precious stones and said to tt
e money-changers, "Give us food thf
= we may eat and clothing that v
d may dress up" the money-changeI
d laughed little cold hard laughs an
o sang songs of great sacrifice, Saying
is "Grover, Grover, four years more
t, Grover; we would buy your lead, b,
e. times are dead, till four years a
d, over" and other psalms.
And when they heard the psalms
r many hired kickers and Others to
n their hair and all the inhabitants
8 the nation said damn.
J, And it came topass that the storm
a came and the panics descended an
the children of darkness lifted U
their hands and wrung them in gres
lamentation, aying:-
. Wherefore art thou, Grover, OIL
d deliverer, and wherefore are the GOO
r, times at?" and a mighty voice can
Z back from the wilderness, saying :
o "The President is fishing and mui
i: not be disturbed. Salt Lake Tri
u une.
ONE OF THE DANGERS OF MEXICO.
) "The principal pest of Mexico" sal
:, E. P. Brewer of Central America, g
the scorpion. In dampo or wet weat
g. er he is omnipotent, and in hote
4 can be seen to run up and down upC
"a the walls. He is about four to s.
# inches in length and is not partic
) larly repulsive in appearance, but b
i sting generally results fatally. | VIZ