New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1894-08-12
THE COLONEL AND GIN Frzzp.
KNOWING A THING OR TWO ABor,r r
HE UNBURDENs HIS MIMI

| HE UNBURDENS HIS MIMI
| The Colonel had taken a swim out to thu 80.
back at Manhattan Beach. and he was no.,, sae
| the shore with a contented expression on IT. "eSt
looking, rudy face. Catching sight Of his friend
opened his lips to shout out a welcome when ~
curling wave taking him unawares tossed ~
about and filled his mouth with water ~
| I'm sorry about that" he sputtered tak,n.
| strokes and coming up with his friend W
| Fresh water Is bad enough, eh?' asked NJ. a..
"Oh. that joke Is In ruins" said the Colon,
| can drink water with any man-when it's the A..
time to drink water. But I'm sorry I m, ~
| mouthful OF salt water. Salt water give, s<s
| extra thirst for gin fixes. Now, I don't obt...
good honest thirst for gin fzzes; in fact I'm ~
grateful for 1t. But what want" he added 49,.
| ing to shoot gracefully curv.ng wave-s
/ want. is to pick my time and place for nn 49,
| thirst.
You. see." continued the Colonel. he tool 4.
short strokes in a circle. II don't want to s,v. ~
| water feeling that need two or three nice ~ -
| fzzes to slake my thirst. And IL you wantS.
| why" he said, throwing up his head clear ~ -
water and darling military glance around. TsL
| cause don't like to be made a fool Of" o
When the Colonel Is scoring point he eoeu A.
II in an original way that Is delightful and n. ~
thing to do is to let him follow his course M
| out suggestion or interruption.
Il don't ike 10 1ee ne Saln, mat i m being
a fool OF. Now. when you and go out OF the v...
we'll want a gin fzZ apiece, nice long cool fsu.,
| with a chilled dampness on the outside Of the r,
and the bubbles on top flirting in your fac. h :.
tantalzing way to tempt your lips to hurry IN "a
drain the glass. Ah.' said the Colonel his n.
curvIng and his eye sparkling. well each want
couple OF them"
Unconsciousy he struck out for the beach an
waded ashore. For a moment he stood In the sanA
a light OF anticipated pleasure his moist faes
Then his countenance couded.
But" he said do you know what those four a,
fzzes will cost us? Eighty cents, Think Of n ,
mango cents gin fizz? Do you know any,h,.
about making gin fzzes? Do you know anyth,,
about the materials used in them? Well DO .,s
I ought TO- I've made enough OF them. The nj.
fzzes that give you on my little yacht are pretty
good, aren't they? You never drank any better
you say? Thank you for saying that. see yu
know gin fzz when you taste II. Well then
have figured It carefully just TO confuse these bar.
tenders and as near as can come to It, 1t cost,
me to make Al. hrst-class. standard gin fig ha,
would do honor TO najor-general in the finer
arm in the ,rli little over cents. little IN,
4 cents. But, he added, waving an arm. call Il
) cents"
The Colonel surveyed the field with piercing "a
Five cents for gin fzz that you couldn't buy
at bar. and now we must pay 20 cents for one
not half so good, What do you think o. that,
Who do you suppose was the man who conceived
the idea that IT was good business policy to charge
a man 20 cents for something that he could CT
somewhere else for l2ia cents. or could himself
make for four and half cents? Who was the
man that made the wonderful discovery that the
way to do a good business was to drive everybody
away from his place? That is the modern wayd
going about It.
Now. when you can get two good gin fixes II
town for 25 cents don't you think you are 1901
II you keep on buying them somewhere else Ms
,,f 70 for
aiays for killing business with fatal prices. They
are the surest Doisons you ever saw. They VIII
make a corpse OF any financial body.
There is hardly hotel man. a restaurant prc.
pretor or a barkeeoer to-day who will not tel
you that he Isn't making DOLLAR and that
Right they are. They aren't making dolh'
and they will not make a dollar because thy
scare every dollar in the neighborhood away iron
them. I'll tell you an honest fact was getting
a gin Az with friend the other day , Whnh
Take IL back ne said to the walter and tel
the bartender that us too strong Tell him
What did the walter do? He brought out
syphon and squirted in the water right there ms
the check he found that the charge for the tiae
was 20 cents for the gin fizz and 70 cent? na9
into il to make it drinkable. Forty cents for
gin fzz.-only my friend wasn't such iM ~
pay IT, They said he would have to pTG E
said that he'd see himself shot first: and IN CD
for his honor as q soldier-he was In the ARM vM
me-that he stuck TO II. and would not pay uA
cashier and the others think that was me s, .y
to make money, but my friend, the MAJOR uaa ~
end as II is out Of such men you and him ana "a
that these people have 10 make their money In1
are playing a losing game. The Major mas no no"
use for those people. Ls.
walt a minute. We can POSTPONE thar gin ia
Tor n little while. / want TO give you one MOI,
example OF what is no less than insanity Genets'
Battlefield thinks NewYork is the best summer "
sort In the world He comes here 10 maze ~
rangemelts TO spend six weeks In -foh anu
goes TO the hotel he has in mind It's wafm
day and ne walks straight into the care he :. -
very fond Of iced coffee and he orders glass "
"And waiter he says. instead OF putting c,sa% n
in the coffee please put In spoonful or wv" y"
cream. - ux.s
IAN right. The General gets his coffee ana IN ~
It, lie drinks IT. lights cigar ana looks a. . r
check It's e cents for the coffee ana - caas
for the ice cream-50 cents for ICED coIee, ,Sst
enough isn't IT? All right. The Genera pays re
check without a word. pulls his hat dowh harss
ewes turns his back and stalks ont OF tne .V o.,
turning to look back nj Il as II IL mn "a siv
game in It, General Battlefield mas W. hassI made
children I wonder how much tnaI may no, noe Colonel
on that iced coffee transaction, said 'ne "''''''
with an ironical laugh. ,., and meet me
Now II you'll run in and dress anu III. III. "a,
outside when I'm dressed we'll ooatu - rhes
Raw Ridge where the little yacht u s's rs, want
ri give YOU a gin fzz that Will man, I'm alonr
two more and dinner that-weh' JUST run 49,
and dress"