The Penn's Grove record., 1894-04-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A curious woman-One who is not
Life.
A hollow mockery-The woodland
/. echo.-Truth.
A force pump-The cross examining
attorney Truth.
A linn of the law-Painting the de-
PENDANT b.acS.-Truth.
1t is only in school that low grades
make uphill worS.-Chici $50 Inter-
Ocean.
Nature covers herself with a plaster
of mud to cure that tired feeling in the
spring.-Puck.
Some men ale too mean to be happy
and others too happy to be mean. -
Dansville IN. " Breeze.
"Who is to be ciaperoai'' "Mrs.
T~alklngton." "What fo%olishnessl Why,
she is a sufferer from insomnia"
'I wonder why she gave him the nit.
ten?' "Oa, that was natural outcome
Of the yarns he gave herl"-Truth.
When a man is ''beside himself" he
generally demonstrates that he dpe:n':
like the company. -Boston Cour,er.
When a woman il trying to write a
letter on a half sheet of paper, mucJ
may be said on both sides ii Slft.
ings.
If a woman cal succeed in maxim!
| or husband proud of her she can Gei
almost anything she wants. Dallas
News.
A carpet tack IS about the only thing
that has the ''big head" AMI still makes
a success Of ife.-Dlnsviile IN. "
Breeze.
Where's the profit when spring makes
us happy and gay if it make ali the
microbes feel just the same way?-
Washington Star.
The woman of limited means who is
always well dressed either devotes her
entire income or her eutire intellect to
her clothes Life.
Mabel-"T wouldn't marry the best
man in the world" Jacques-"Alas,
you have male mo tie uahappiest Of
men. boston CoGrIer.
Every mln THINKS that m,lesty for.
bids his telling You what he consi iers
the cleverest thiag in tie way OF a story
ever told. -Washington Star.
Many a woman who resolves when
she is married to make over her husband,
ends by being content to maze over her
bonnets.-Dlnsvllle IN. W Breeze.
And now with rod an line and hook,
rhe fisherman so bold,
Will go and sit do VII by the broo!s
And eaten a fearful odd.
-Xlnsls City Journal.
81 haven't any of the liquid quality !
that musicians talk ab1I.," said the bass
drum, "but l en- dro Sn out the rest of
the band, just the same. "-Washington
Star.
Mrs. Byer-"Those are nice looking
Grocer (enthusiastically Eyes, /
indeed; they're birds!" And then he
wondered why she didn't buy any,
Troy Press.
''It's curious unused Bjorkins, show
this law of Compensation runs through !
everything. Fol example, wherever
there is a we'll off aunt you will always
fig q sychophsnt. Chicago Tribune.
$50 l should make you very happy by
accepting you, %counta' "Happya All,
mademoiselle, I should die wiz zie hap
"Really, count1 You almost
tempt me to say 'Yes'"-Brooklyn Life.
The pen is mishtier than the sword.
This maxim let WIS, people hurl.
Bua take them together and they ara no
match
For ono pretty type write, girl.
chicago 1nter-O..aa.
At a Dinner Party: Mistr ess-"3ut,
Mary, how often must l tell you always
to serve on the left9" Mary Qrom the
country)-"Oa, madam, bat isn't tina.
merely a superstition ."-Fiigen de B!aet-
ter.
"Well, Councillor, I hope you en-.
joyed yourself at my house last evening""
'..Indeed I did, madame. As a rue,
when I drink tea l can not sleep after it,
but your tea had not the least effect on
{ .".-Fliegende Blaetter.
Hawker-"My wife and Ihad it out
again this morning as to who should start
the fire." Jepson-"W Which won"
Hawker-''Neither. Before we finished
the argument became so hot my wife got
up and cooked breakfast on it."--Tsoy
Press.