The herald., 1894-03-15

professor, IL tell you WndI ii DO. ii
pay for the hall and the pianner, and
the ads tomorrow. You do your enter
tainment. I'll take the money, and aft
er e10 we'll share the receipts"
II should never have known you, sir,
with that beard. The old Forest ran
gersl DO you remember Captain Ross
being shot alongside me and you, sir,
st Waiapu? How he did bleed should
never have known you, sir. Well, sir,
III tell you what it is, it amt no risk
TO me, and I'll do it. 1 can't be no
worse off than am. How I'm to leave
the town and pay the hotel and doctor
and passage money on to Tauranga,
blessed if know. I'll do it, sir. Shake
hands on it, It's bargain. Me and
you divides after 10 pound.
We cemented that arrangement with
another whisky, and away posted to
the Office of The Post. The venture
looked unpromising enough. The rain
was still sluicing down with purposeful
pertinacity. l half repented of my bar
gain. But the bond was as binding as
though it had been signed, sealed and
delivered and witnessed by all the at
torneys on the rolls. So / sloshed my
way to the Office of The Post knee deep
in mud and water. The old brute"
had not turned up and was, in fact, on
one of his bursts, as certain fits of
temporary alteration are called in the
colony. l propounded the matter to
Clifford. He was more cautious than to
me appeared good. But wooed him
with my golden tongue, not only out of
the harmless necessary fver, but out of
letter to the other papers, guarantee
ing the money for the next days ads.
How about the show?" said Clifford.
Magnificent You wait and see what
l write about it when l return" And
away went to The Independent and
The Herald, polished up the professors
ads, and as no report had been done at
either place l wrote as putting a para
graph as thought they would stand for
each paper and then hurried back to
The Post to concoct as flaming an ac-
count as l could contrive, and think
may say that it was strong. l may
even venture to go further and to say
that it was about as glowing as such
notices can be made. Repeated appli-
cations to Roget's Thesaurus were neces-
sary. Clifford, who was reading my
slips as finished them, objected once
or twice. Come, l say, this is too hot.
The old man'll have fit" The old
man was the 'old brute"
"Well, from what you tell me- re-
piled, hes likely to have one anyhow,
so it won t matter" Had the professor
been Houdin, Heller, the Wizard of the
North and Herr Frikell combined I
couldn't have been more lavish of my
admiration.
1t is usual to conclude this kind of
article with some notice of the audience
present, and here for minute or two l
was fairly nonplused. But the old
story occurred to me of the audience of
one at the Portsmouth theater. The
performance was proceeding merrily
when the manager missed the audience.
Hurrying to the front, he asked anxious
ly, "Where, where is the audienceP"
Sir" said the boxkeeper, she has
gone to get some beer, but he is delight
ed with the performance and says he'll
be back in minute. - "Let business
proceed" said the manager. And it
did proceed. Why 1 do not know, but
this story suggested to me way out of
the difficulty l was in. 1 concluded
with the following peroration: 'Alto-
gether Professor Beda's entertainment
is one of the most admira BILE and enter
tanning that have ever visited Alexander
or the colonies. At it's conclusion the
entire audience arose as one man and
applauded the professor to the echo.
1t must indeed have been " to the echo. ;"
Clifford was nervous about the article;
but, as pointed out to him, no one
could possibly contradict a word that l
written, and ultimately my notice,
which extended over a column and
quarter, was allowed to pass holus bolus.
The rain had ceased when l returned
at in the morning to the hotel. Half
dozen times before daybreak 1 was
out of bed inspecting the weather. No
rain, the clouds had cleared off, and at
8 o'clock the stars were shining. A
cold. bright morning succeeded. At
breakfast heard people asking, "Were
you at the hall last night?" mo. Were
your NO" At luncheon the mayor
of the city said, ''I It's an odd thing; I've
asked every one I've seen today about
the performance at the Odd Fellows
hall, and not a soul seems to have been
there" And l inwardly thanked Mr..
Mayor for an excellent advertisement.
The professor and the other persons
concerned held their tongues. l had to
make it worth their while to do 80.
"Ten bob for money taker" devel-
oped into promise of a sovereign if
the show paid.
And pay it did. The seat plan at
Lyon s, the bookseller, was well spotted
with names by O'Clock. 1t was an off
day at the house of representatives, it
was the height of the Alexander sea-
son, and the evening turned out one of
those brilliant, cold, starlight nights
that New Zealand alone can pro-
duce. The doors wero opened at half
past Z, and l ensconced myself, wearing
a pair of green spectacles, in the pay
place. The melancholy musician struck
up lively tune, and at II minutes to
the first shilling for back seat came
in. | have it now. Luckily shillings
and half crowns came in plentifully
at first, for had any one rendered SOW
ereign and wanted change should have
t,o rrooca1 Dr.