The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-08-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A lazy horse always knows his driver.
The eel is not SO slippery as a one
dollar bill.
There is no place like the home of
ones sweetheart. News.
There is no severer test of self-reli-
ance than a threadbare suit. Chicago
Herald.
Try as best as she may the woman
suffragist is no gentleman. Adams
Freeman.
Doubt others more and yourself less
and you will have more backbone to
sell.-Tammany Times.
Clerk-'Are you going to discharge
me, then?" Druggist-"Ye think
we can dispense without you. "-Har-
ward Lampoon.
Little Boy-"How long have you
had that doll?" Little miss-"This
is girl doll, an you oughtn't to ask
her age. Good News.
Convince some men that it pays to
be good, and you couldn't keep them
out of the church with q shotgun
Rams Horn.
"Just think, captain, the major has
actually married the rich old maid"
obviously he wanted to have his
golden wedding at once. ."-F'liegende
Blaetter.
Sadirn--"You say Reckless has sealed
his doom?" Cooley-"Yes; just saw
him lick an envelope which contained
a letter asking Miss Bossall to marry
him. Boston Courier.
Anxious Inquirer Ito crusty old gen.
leman)-"When do you suppose this
rain is going to stop" G. o. g.
"When it gets to the ground, of
course. South Boston News.
Foreign Visitor-"Is it true that
one man often hangs jury in this
country?" Litigious Native with evil
dent rogret) Eyes, stranger but not
with rope, Buffalo Courier.
"Whur We bin?" said Meandering
Mike. 'Lookin' fur work." replied
Flooding Pete. "Well, you wanter
look out Yer idle curiosity'll be the
ruination of ye, yit. Washington
Star.
Toby Ito ecentric man)-"What are
you doing with that box?" Poperkaq
-"Going to make a wagon of it,"
Toby-"Wherell you get the wheels?"
Popperkaq-"Out of your head. -
New York Journal.
''Did L tell you that dear Mrs. Film
sey has invited me TO spend the sum-
mer with her?" Madge-"No. Then
Twas right. You have not known each
other for very long time, have you?"
Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Young Man--"Gracie, what is
it your father sees in me to object 20,
darling?" The Young Woman (wiping
away tear)-"He doesn't see any.
thing in you, Algernon; that's why he
objects. boston Home Journal
"Can any little boy here" asked
the visitor, "give me an example of
the expansion of substances by heat2"
81 can" said Tommy. "Our dogs
tongue is twice as long now as il was
last winter. ."--Indianapolis Journal.
He-"I had my picture taken along
with Nero-my big st. Bernard, you
know. May l have the pleasure of
presenting you with copy?" She
"Oh, l guess so. l always did admire
a handsome dog, indianapolis Jour.
nal.
New Arrival Ito subdued-looking man
in the hotel Office You are the
clerk of this hotel, suppose, sir?"
Subdued-looking Man-"Oh, you
fatter me, sir am only the pro.
prietor l'--Browning, King & Co
Monthly.
Mrs. Yearwed (beseechingly) )-"Oh,
If only knew some way to keep my
husband at home nights. Can't you,
from your long married experience,
suggest plan?" Mrs. Oldhand grim
lyl-"Certainly; chain him. Buff.
falo Courier.
Mr.. Il. Conomie- -"Did you write to
that man who advertises to show peo-
pie how to make desserts without milk,
and have them richer?" Mrs L. Co
and sent him the dol
lar. " "What did he reply?" "Use
cream. New York Waelly.
"Fact is" said the grocer, there's
no money in coffee nowadays" That's
a comfort, replied the customer,
'but there's most everything else in
it. In the last pound 1 got there we're
eight beans, three peas, six shingle
nails and handful of gravel stones.
Transcript.
Did you ever notice said Mrs.
n. Peck, that about half the pictures
in the photogr aphers' windows are of
bridal couples? l wonder why they
always rush on to a photographer rs
soon as the knot is tied?' 81 guess
the husband is responsible for 1t, "
said Mr.. Peck. "He realizes that il
is about his last chance 10 ever look
pleasant. "-Cipcinnati Tribune.