Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1894-08-23

orr return. The well water at the no.
tel was stiff with typhoid germs and
other bacilli-''
How about the Adirondack
We've been there too-splendid
place to get chronic iylflammatory
rheumatism Besides. it was there
mat bear walked OF with another
one of my pet dogs
Nothing of that kind could EsPpen
at Saratoga" I ventured to suggest
That's so, but that's the place where
was steered into bunco game, and
it cost me $500 to get out"
f have always heard that it was n
favorite resort with society people"
$50 it is. 1t was at Sa, accga that
poor Oscar came very near being picked
up by a designing society widow, with
ner face kalsomined, and six children
by her first husband in the background.
Such creatures are thicker there than
red ants at picnic
GLOW about Long Branchc'
Great place to spend money. Iou
can't steal side glance al the porter
without paying dollar. and when you
stump your toe it's 4 dollar md half.
If YOU want q cigar you have to pay
forty cents for 1t, and they charge You
ten cents mere for a match. If that
man who was going down to Jericho
had been going to Long Branch, he
might have congraruIatcd himself on
falling among thieves before he got
there. They didn't understand the
business compared with the Long
Branch landlords
1T is very convenient to New York"
remarked. alphabetically.
Il suppose so, looking at it from
geographical standpoint, but it is not
very convenient to get money enough
to stay there any length of time"
SIS IL really so very eXpensive?"
Il should say So 1t is much easier
to get your name in the papers among
the distinguished arrivals than it is to
raise the money to get back home
with"
why not try some western resort,
Mr.. Plumbottle?"
I'VE did saturate our systems with
stagnant pond water, favored with
carbonic acid gas, at Waukesha for one
entire season. but ] didn't relish it
enough to justify being mixed up in q
railroad wreck by going there this
year"
There are some very nice places on
the New England coast
I've been to Bar Harbor, where it
is a darned sight easier to find the har-
Dor than it is to discover the bar. No
Bar Harbor for Plumbottle."
There are some nice quiet hooks up
the Hudson
Yes, they have unrivaled facilities
for getting your face swelled out of
shape with poison ivy. That's where
you sleep on mattresses that are hard
enough to be used for meat block,
and the spring chickens are Just about
as springy as an India rubber teething
ring. They send their fresh butter to
New York and give the city boarders
the stuff that's made in an iron pot
under a fire. I am getting to be too
old to stand the wear and tear of a
summer campaign 1 don't want to
crawl into a silent tomb until have
to-"
But, my dear sir, you should have
some consideration for your family
''In regard to Oscar, when he asked
me if he couldn't go to a watering
place, 1 gave him permission to go to
the nearest horse trough"
But the girls, Mr.. Plumbottle-
don't they need variety?"
Variety means change, and haven't
got any change to spare Besides,
what's the use? They don't get mar
ried, anyhow There is no end OF
riding and bOat-rOwing, and spoon:ng
behind opaque sunshades, but there
are no permanent engagements The
simple truth IS, Alex, the men at the
summer resorts have been hunted IN
til they are shy. 1t happens so seldom |
that one of them is trapped that it |
ought to be published under the head
of Casualties,
Then you are not going away at all /
this summer"
No, 1 shall stay right here in Har- |
lem, where we have good beds, good /
water and plenty of good stuff to eat, !
but I am not going to lead life of /
idleness- 1 shall keep myself busy at |
home. figuring out how much ny
friends at the seaside are indebted to 4
me- However, toward the close of the 4
/ may take the family to Coney
Island. where we can get cool glass 4
of beer with hydrophobia on top and /
some salt pretzels at reasonable fig /
ures- Well, 1 must get of. here" and 4
giving me a wink of intense meaning, /
the wicked old man stepped OF the car. 4
ALEX E SWEET.