The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-03-31

lawyers would wake up the next morn
ing out of a job. The preacher is try
ing to keep men out Of the peniten
tiary; the lawyer is trying TO put then
in, and by the time humanity pays thu
preacher and settles with the lawyer
one of the clients is lying fat of hi:
back with the cows horns in his hands
and the other one is at the other enc
of the cow. fat of his back with the
tail III his hands, while the lawyer sit.
quietly on the stool and milks the cow
Horns and tail for the clients. cow anc
milk for the lawyer.
An old lawyer wheR dying, dictat
ing his will to . fellow lawyer said
'In the name Of God, Amen: l, Johr
Smith, dying sam and in my right
mind. make this my last will anG
testament. hereby give and be.
queath all that l die vested of TO the
fools Of my county" The lawyer
writing the will said to him: What
Your mind is wavering." "Why?" said
the dying lawyer. Why, the idea OF
you giving all your property to fools
NO. said the dying lawyer, II an
clothed and in my right mind. l got
all this property from the fools and
ought | not to give it back TO them as ]
can use it no mOre?'
There seems TO be no end to the
making Of laws. There seems to be
no uniform rule by which law can be
construed. Men differ on facts, judges
differ on law, and a lawyer can con
strue it either way; but his construc-
ton Of law Of course depends upon
which side Of the case he represents.
Our Jurisprudence, our jury system,
our presiding judges, our practiciug
lawyers frequently make a man recall
the old saying, that God knows all
things except what the verdict of a
jury may be. Omniscience Himself is
at . loss to determine the intricate
process by which facts are reached and
verdicts attained.
AS in all other professions, the most
dOgmatic and uncomfortable ones are
those who know the least.
Ignorance and assumption are the
potent factors in the life Of q jackass,
whether he have -four legs or two,
whether he brsys for feed or brays for
food, whether he be burnt by whisky
OF a plain hay burner. Locomotive en-
gines are coal burners; a mule is a
plain hay burner. Some lawyers
heads are made for the same r
that a donkey's head is made fOr-just
to hang his ears on, and If he were to
dispose Of his ears he would have no
further use for his head.
| don mean to say that lawyers av-
erage up badly. Thore are many no
BILE men in this profession, honest and
true, while there are others ignoble,
dishonest and untrue. Really the
character of the man determines the
character Of his professional life. An
hOnest man is an honest lawyer, a dis
honest lawyer cannot be an honest
man.
The collecting lawyer i. more dread
ed by delinquent creditors than chol-
era or smallpox. AS sOon as a lawyer
makes a character as a good collector
he is full Of business, and seems to
have to go and torment his neighbors
before their time. They are more to
be dreaded and generally more de-
spised than almost any other class Of
professions, unless it be book agents
and writer's of newspaper articles,
such as myself.
1t has been many years since /
mingled with lawyers in the court
house, but | still mingle with their
clients and many are their tales of
Woe which come to me, and some times
a tale of pleasure told by some man
who had employed a faithful, true
lawyer who stood by his rights and
charged for his services only what was
right.
1t is really amusing when a dirty
client turns over a dirty case to q dirty
lawyer and the dirty lawyer does the
dirty work and the dirty client refuses
to pay the dirty fee; then to hear them
curse and damn each other; each will
ing to go to the regions below If they
can but be allowed the privilege of
p;ling chunks one upon the.other.
One parting word to this profession:
No mar honors, respects and reveres
the true and faithful lawyer in his
profession more than the writer Of
this article. No living man has a pro-
founder contempt and deeper disgust
for the insOlent, ignorant, contempt
ible little pettifogger than myself. l
bid all true, intelligent and honest
lawyers God-speed in their work, and
join hands with them in the effort to
protect society, honor and virtue.
To the good lawyers say: Here is
my hand;'' to the others | say: Fix
for L1y foot" SAM z. JONES.
LITTLE MEN.