The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1894-05-11

view with a hangman on the gallowj
woald be a jovial not to say hilarious,
occasion by comparison. He defers the
matter from time to time, giving him
self a reprieve from the inevitable.
When, however, ii can be no longer
deferred, he puts on as bold face a
in his depressed condition he can pos
sibly assume, and starts for the house.
Courageous as he may have been at
starting, however, he becomes "a
pitab'e picture before he reaches
his destination. His courage oozej
Out in an inverse ratio to tho
distance; that is, the nearer he
gets the faster ii oozes. He discusses
with himself whether he would bet
ter go on o. run away out of town,
or go of somewhere and quietly
die. He tries TO think of something to
say and fails. He tries to think what
he shall answer if tho father-in-law,
that Is TO be, asks him any questions
about himself and scores another
failu @ He walks past the house half
dozen times before he can make up
his mind TO enter, momentarily dis
cuss ny with himself the propriety of
boiling and letting the whole thing 90
sity OF girl having any parents, and
though devoutly thankful TO Prov
dence for having provided him with
sweetheart entirely to his taste, can
not understand why Providence could
no. .ust as well have sent him an or
phan. Yet all this time he is, in all
probability, gravely in error, for the
parents of the young lady are perhaps
dreading the interview just "a much as
him elf, ana will be Just as much re-
lieved as he when IL is at an end.
Blind as kitten, however, he can not
see that their love for their daughter
imrels them to be careful of her in
10 est and that the Obstacles which
they see to the union are created sole
ly by regard to the future happiness of
their child. As a rule, he finds that the
ordeal Is by no means so dreadful as
he feared it would be, and before
the business is half over he realizes
that parents, are not ogres living
in wait to scare tim:d lovers into
fits, but kindly, con,iderate. we'll
meaning people, ready to overlook his
embarras ,ment, and even, when nee
essary, to hold out a helping hand to a
suffering fellow-creature in distress
and smooth his path when they see he
is about TO make adisgraceful stumble.
In fact, before the interview is over.
he has experienced radical change of
hear with regard to parents-in-law,
and has made up his mind that as a
young lady's mother is t. her the dear
est one on earth, that husband must be
either brute or a boar who could, in
terms OF disrespect, allude to his
m )ther-in-law. But time would fail to
I'LL &c
and how the young lady keeps it secret
by telling all her friends about it. She
does it, OF course, because she is proud
Of him. She probably has no caus to
be, for the chances are that he is u
very ordinary fellow with nothing to
commend him to the attention OF any
body bat herself, and the other girls,
after reading his letters to her, kindly
rendered for that purpose, and pi o.
nCunc.ng them Gust lovely, go away
and wonder what she can see in that
man 20 admire: but then she has said
just the same thing about their beaux,
and 20 the honors are about even. The
poor fellow tn ught that the whole
trouble was over when he had asked
the lady and obtained the consent OF
her parents, but to his terror finds
that it was only Just begun. For there
are the miseries of the engagement
with the INVITING of his friends going
on in a never-ceasing stream; the prep
arations for the wedding, and, worst
OF all, the wedding itself, with the SOL
emn preacher in front, his own trem-
bling self as an aim for curious eyes,
and the grinning and giggling audi
ence in the b ckground. OF urse,
when the affair passes from the state
OF the engagement to the condition of
a public wedding, the groom loses his
prominence and passes into insignif-
canoe when compared with the bride.
He Is sort OF necessary nuisance, toll
Grated be cause there is no getting
along W thout him, but long before the
close Of the ordeal he usually subsi( e5
into state of harmless idiocy, me-
Chemically grinning and shaking
hands with @ 'ery ore who comes near
him, that being the only thing he can
do, for In his state OF mental vacuity,
such thing as nversation is out of
the question.
Such are some Ct the miseries that
men will undergo in order 10 get Il
wife, and it is perhaps merciful di =
pens alton of nature that lovers are
deaf IN blind Il what is said ard done
about them, Nature often makes won
derful provision for the comfort of her
creatui es, hut in al the list # bless
ings none is more kindly in its benefit
cence than this. People in their right
m nd would fight or go crazy over the
half that lovers stand without 80 much
as pang. The lover is pachyderm-
atous. animal, AMI so long as he il
forced to endure tie gibes of all crea,
ton it is we'll that this is the case.