West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1894-07-05
ZEBEDEE'S HUSKS.
CoRNsrALk. July 3. 1891.

Maiden Club, on last Sunday night, |
the question was taken up and dis
cussed with vigor and enthusiasm
that scribe should be appointed !
by the Club to write up the sayings
and doings about our thriving village !
at least once month for the county
newspapers. Several members were
nominated by the brethren and Sis.
ters in the most flattering and Gu
logistic speeches. which il has been
my pleasuer to listen to during the
eventful career of our Club. Nomi-
mating speeches having closed.
ballot was taken. The President.
Col. Hugo Swilltub, named Sister
Dora Makeup as the proper person
to collect the ballots in her Shaker.
bonnet. The President announced
that a majority OF the members
having voted for mo that | was
elected scribe for the village Of
Cornstalk. Il h @ announcement
was greeted with faint cheers and
ringing Kisses, which is the custom
of the Club when everything is
working tremendously, as it did on
this occasion.
AS this is my first attempt to
write for the press, it is the special
request of the Club that the editor
correct all mistakes in spelling ana
composition, and if he can spare I'M
occasional big word from his daily
toll, that he insert it in my letter,
where, in his judgment, it will re.
fleet the greatest credit upon the
Cornstalkers.
To begin with. Deacon Joel jug.
glcwhiskers, who is counting Miss
Nancy Stillwating, with matrl.
monial intentions, reported to the
Club at its last meeting that re.
pose in the arms of Morpheus was
nothing to compare to an eve
ning's repose in the arms of Miss
Nancy, which caused shortncss of
breath among the male members.
and corresponding frigidity
among tho female members. Nancy
said the Deacon was the very per.
sonlfcation OF youthful jollty, and
when he came to spark her last
Sunday night, that early in the en-
tertainment he began to yawn, but
being one Of those fortunate beings
whom not even "A yawn can spoil
she let HIM lean back in her arms
and doZe in comfort. When the
Deacon would snore she would
tickle him under the nose with
feather, which would make him
smile coutentedly and close his ewes
in peace. This was very pleasing to
the Club members, and on motion
Of Sam Oldwart, the JuggIewhis
kcrs-Stillwaiting style of counting
was adopted by the Club.
John p. Jacobin. who has spent
the last two years in the Peniten-
tIary for making himself too famil-
lar with his neighbor's hogs, has
! returned home To the bosom of his
family. John don't seem to be the
least bit discouraged, and saws his
hair will grow out in the course of
time.
Miss Fannie a. Bunkinstne.
who had her nose operated on for
the stuck-up, is doing reasonably
well and the elevation is not go
great in passing her equals.
Jason Knox Flowest and Enoch
Byron Doddson. delegated them
selves delegates to the Big Repub
lican Meeting at Fairmont, and at
tended as a committee Of the whole.
Jason says they must have had
bnlly time Of it. bat that he don't
remember anything after he got
to Fairmont and got TO drinking
the stuf with soap suds' bubbles on
1T. John Linderman says it must
have been hard cider with soda. but
Jason declares that he and hard
cider have been on friendly terms
too long not TO recognize old &C.
quaintance. Enoch says il was the
first Republican election he ever
attended. and from the amount OF
following and shouting it remind
ed him Of the good old camp meet.
ing reyivals. To says he don't
know what they went there for or
what they did. but thst he voted
for Neil Fortnev for Congressman
for Preston county. but did not
hear whether nc was elected or
defeated. ZEBEDEE JONES.