The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1894-03-29
AMONG THE HUMORISHS.
What The Funny Men Have Been Saying
Of Late.
ANTHONY WAS A VERY SMOOTH BOY.
uades Has All Of the Modern Ina.
Provemets-A Novel Inscription ON
u Letter The Marriage OF mr..
Corn and Miss wheat.

A teacher having asked bis class to
write an essay on "The Results Of Lazi-
ness" certain bright youth handed In
as his composition blank sheet Of paper.
"They can't make monkey OF me-"
insisted the orang-outsng. "Well," la
conically remarked the boaconstrictor,
ard like TO see them try to pull my leg"
Tommy - Papa, when people sell
things by the pound, do they ever weigh
the scales ?" Papa-"Certainly not, my
boy" Tommy-"Then how do they
weigh fish,"
VIII Nv do you tell the age OF hen p
| Wy the teeth"
VA hen hasn't any teeth"
VINO, but have"
"The little mermaids and merboys never
have any snow under the ocean, do they,
mamma" said Jscky. mo, dear" ~
suppose. instead Of SNOWFALL fights they
have fishball rackeis, Ell ?" said Jacky.
The poet sat dreaming of fragrant Cashmere,
| And the odors of Araby's breeze.
Then he called for his lunch of dried herring
| and beer
And a large piece Of Limberger cheese.
IL have called" said the captious crit
ic, ito find out what reason you can give
for representing the new year as nude
small boy" That is DONE" responded
the art editor, because the year does no,
get its close till the 3lst of December"
Judge--"What objection have you to
Mr.. Gump, whom the court has appointed
to defend you??'
Prisoner Charged with murder)-"I
hain't got anythin' ag'in him personally,
but you see, Judge, ii looks so like turn.
ing states evidence. It's givin' up the
whole thin y-see?"
An exchange tells OF man who con-
suited his pastor as to marriage with a
certain lady of his flock. The reply was
81 doubt il you would be happy"
"WhyP" was the question. Isn't she a
christian" "Oh, yes, indeed" was the
answer. "But the Lord puts up with
people you and couldn't"
"Why do you sign your name ]. John
B. b. B. Bronson 81 was christened
by a minister who suffered"
"My gracious J" said little Johnnie, as
the baby started in on its fourth hour with
tremendous wall, "that is the prince OF
walls"
An itinerant chiropodist doing business
in Superior says he has removed corns
from all the crowned heads of Europe. -
telegram y
Pat-"Phat be that yez are dhrinkin'
wild yer whlsky?" Mike-"Appollinaris.
Pat" Pat-"How duz it taste?" Mike
-"As II me fut war aslape."
A maa by the name OF Corn was re-
Gently married in Great Falls to lady
named Wheat. The fool choir sang,
"What shall the harvest be?" A gamin
in the gallery yelled out "Nubbins" and
they cast him out of the synagogue. Big
1tm6er (Mont.) Pioneer.
Satan frowned.
"Are you one OF those fellows" he
sternly demanded, who are circulating
the fire and birthstone reports?"
The soul trembled and stood confessed.
"And you really think" the prince Of
darkness sneered, THAT we have no more
effective methods Of torture than were in
vogue thousand years ago?"
| The soul was silent.
Here. Lucifer," called his majesty
impatiently, "show the gentleman through
the painless-dentist and violin taught. in.
fifteen-minutes departments.
The golden barge Of the mighty queen
loated softly down the beautiful and mys.
terious river and Cleopatra turned hei
glorious eyes from the enhancing scene to
Anthony.
"Oh, king" she murnured, sis there
in all the world a sight so beautiful"
Thou art more beautiful. queen OF my
heart" he whispered, touching her band
with his lips.
Those wonderous eyes OF hers closed
languidly and the long lashes lay at rest
upon the rich red olive Of her cheeks.
Tony" she sighed, rapturously, "you
are corker and no mistake"
And the golden barge fioated on.-De-
troll Free Press.
The following superscription was on q
letter which recently passed through the
mails:
| sylvester Brown red-iaced scrub,
To whom this letter wants to go,
Is ehopping eordwood for his grub,
In Silver City, Idaho.
| Minnnnr, olia mil