Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-09-21
HERE N
How do you like my bathing suit?"
She asked. He Razed with eager eyes.
my DEAR he owned. when be had done,
.''I don't see much to criticize.''

my dear" he owned, when he had done,
sI don't see much to criticize
asls he eloquent"
Eloquent! Simply wonderful At
the close of his address, even the seats
we're in tiers.
Several hundred thousand employees
in the census Office at Washington will.
be discharged this week, the work on
the Eleventh census Of the United States
which was begun years ago, being COM
pleted. I conversed on this subject to-
day with several Of the old citizens about
the city, and nearly all of them remem-
Der quite distinctly the time when the
advance agents for the work in question
were around posting handbills and &C.
cumulating figures to be embodied in
the series Of books which will constitute
the census report. It will be interesting
to peruse the volumes when they are
once issued, and an interesting insight
will be afforded to the rising generation,
into the statistical details of the lives of
their forefathers nearly all OF whom
have died disappointed at not being able
to read the works themselves.
"Mr. Spacem," said the managing edi-
tor, sharply, as he crossed out three
quarters of a column of copy and re-
duced a flaming account of Sally G.'s
reduction of the mile record to 1:O5 to
three lines and a half, "you will please
take the scare head from that three
column article of Professor Deepmind's
on the actual and Proven Inhabitation
of the Planet Mars condense it to about
q stickful, and then fill out that breach
of promise case against Congressman
Backslid to about 5000 words, adding
that racy details will probably develop
when the case comes up for trial. You
must understand, Mr.. Spacem," contin-
ued the managing editor, more cuttingly,
as he erased out an article on the 'Long
Distance Telephone as it Benefits the
Business World" and replaced it with q
critical review of the development of
pugilism, "You must understand that
news is news"
Rev. f. G. Cave, the southern preach
er who distinguished himself last mem
orial day, by q TRADE against the north
which raised large water blisters on the
roof Of his mouth in it's delivery, is still
at liberty, despite the efforts of menag-
erie keepers and asylum authorities to
capture him alive, without harming his
long, curved claws and sharp, we'll
developed tusks. Mr.. Gave dug open
the grave of the civil war at st. Louis a
day or so ago, lifted out Of it the mould
ing skeleton of secession, and waved the
feshless, bony structure in wild, weird
glee, in full view of q considerable audi
ence, all the time frothing copiously at
the mouth and emitting at intermittent
intervals a series of shrill barks, as
though suffering from an acute attack of
hydrophobia. Rev. Cave and Rev. Reed
of Denver should retire to some padded
room and exchange characteristic greet
ings, Mr.. Cave tossing large sections of
raw dynamite at Mr.. Reed, who could
catch them in his teeth, and pelt Mr..
Cave playfully with BOTTLES of sulphuric
acid and nitro-glycerine. The public, it
may be remarked, is becoming surfeited
with the painful eccentricities of this
pair of ecclesiastical crapks.
The Hon. William OUTLAW Dalton, the
untamed and long-haired b~ank-looter,
t%ill-tapper, train-robber, burglar, high
wayman, and all-round b~lood-spiller, has
come back to life again. According to
9 STRENGTHENING obituary chart, in which
I have checked off the names Of promi-
nent men as their lives have forsaken
them in various ways, the record Of the
sanguinary William is a confused con-
glomeration Of deaths and resurrections.
In all, he has been killed 243 times, hav-
ing shufled of this mortal coil in the
following listed fashions:
Shot through the heart-173 times.
Shot through the brain-20 times.
Stabbed to DEATH times.
Ground to pieces by trains-12 times.
Died from exposure-6 times.
Died from old wounds times.
Died from fever-3 times.
Died from fall from horse-7 times.
Riddled with bullets by posse Of pursu-
suing oficers-8 times.
Died q natural death-2 times.
,Suicided to escape capture-2 times.
Hanged time.
Despite all of these momentous incl
dents in his eventful career, t 10 Hon.
William is now living in retirement in
Oklahoma territory, recovering rapidly
from his intermittent deceases, and com-
piling a large scrap-book from the num-
erous graphic descriptions Of his oft re-
peated death.
"You will ridt q shordt nodt do my
beoble do.day," said Governor Altgeld
OF Illinois to his private secretary, as he
crowded twelve Of bis favorite liver-sau-
sages, and seven lengths OF Raspipe into
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