Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-03-10

rNt IN ItNAN" to a man a good deal
TIT older than herself. to
n' whom she had only
just been introduced.
He seemed rather taken aback at the ir-
relevancy of the question. and answered:
Dancing! Oh, yes, am fond of it, but 1
don't think have done any of it for ten or
fifteen years. Now. you must go TO a dance
three or four times a week during the sea-
son."
six times a week, from week to week
up to Lent" she answered
In explanation of the remark with which
the young girl greeted the man upon her
first Introduction to him it must be known
that she was deliberately setting out to
make conversation. To do this she had
been told by some one who knew nothing
about it that she must ask a leading ques-
ton at once and that il was safe always to
ask a society man if he was fond of dane
ing. The man in question unfortunately
does not care a snap of his finger about
dancing and counts any time spent in talk
ing about it as time lost. II she had asked
him what hiS opinions on the Hawaiian
question are he would have been interested,
but he would have known at once that she
was trying to cut out a prescribed form Of
conversation, just as one would take a knife
and cut a figure out OF a block Of wood.
Not only would he have known this, but lie
would have resented 1t, and he would not
have talked beyond the amount that is
necessary for common politeness.
The Right Vein struck.
1t was at this same party that another
man was soon afterward introduced to
another girl. They bowed but that was not
enough, for she at once frankly held out
her hand to him.
Mr.. Blank" she said. "Why, you are the
very man / want to meet. Mary Dash told
me all about you last summer. And how is
Mary. and is she coming to Washington?
Sit down here and tell me all about her. and
then tell me about yourself?''
Must 1 tell about her before 1 tell about
myself?'
You may take your choice" she said,
laughing. You see, 1 have known her and
liked her SO long that / mentioned her first,
but perhaps here she broke off, hesitat-
ing.
Perhaps what?' said the man.
Perhaps vi mention you first after a
time"
Ii is not necessary to follow that CONVEX
sation any further. 1t is not particularly
important, and the bright young lady was
beginning a dangerous little canter that
might soon develop into the full gallop of a
irritation. But the conversation sprang in
TO being, had no air Of generalization about
That Is one great secret of the art of con-
yersing-to make it appear spontaneous.
Just as soCn as il wears the appearance Of
premeditation it is artificial and not agree
able. If the occasion does not inspire you
10 say something, then, of course YOU must
force yourself not TO be dumb, but il mat
tiers little what you utter, because you and
your companion will not enjoy yourselves
anyhow.
Leisure an Essential.
What is the first essential in producing
fine conversationalist?' the writer once
asked a man who was himself quite famous
Tor his ability in that direction.
Leisure" he answered at once "You
may take brilliant man or a great scholar,
but If you keep him eternally at work he
Will never be a good talker. For this he
must have read widely, rather than deeply.
must nave Travelled. must have known
many meli, must have moved about in So
ciety, and all OF these things require that
man should have leisure"
He elaborated his idea further by saw
ing that lie Knew some men who were nat
uraily great wits, who had naturally a
great variety of tastes yet who We're al.
most as dumb as oysters when they dined
out or found themselves at social gather
ings, the reason being that they were so
busy making money that they had no time
to cultivate the lighter side of life But
profound scholar, he went on, was hardly
any better. From constant almost inces-
SAINT, commuring with heavy books such
man becomes heavy and ponderous in
his conversation. He is absolutely without
humor and he neither understands nor
appreciates the pleasures of conversation
Poets, too must be left out of the list of
good takers, for they are disposed to look
at everything from a position high above
the clouds and the affairs of earth do not
interest them, nor do they, IN fact usual
ly understand them.
1t is. then. the man Of the world that is.
as general rule the best talker. He must
No I'M IN
about nearly everything but he must al
ways be careful not TO talk too much Two
men came out of a room at the club one
day, and were met by a third, who asked
them what they had been doing in there
Listening to Thomson they replied. with
weared look. Now. the trouble with
Thomson is that he not only talks we'll but
that he talks all the time. He is pleasant
enough for little while, but then he be-
comes decidedly tiresome. Somebody else
wants chance. 1t is conversation most
people desire and not a long lecture, how
| ever good the lecture may be-
Conversation wreckers.
And this brings us to the very important
fact that conversation is quite as much
listening as talking. To define what a
good listener is is a very difficult matter
man who is always silent is apt to get
the reputation of being stupid: yet some
people by their silence encourage others TO
talk, while others, when they are silent
render 1t almost impossible for anybody
else to say anything. You may begin with
one of these people thus:
Il am very much afraid that this country
is going to the dogs"
Yes, says the painfully silent man. and
IT Is not the encouraging yes or the ques-
tioning yes, but positive DOWNRIGHT
conclusive yes. What more can YOU saw
Naturally you had reasons for saying YOU
thought the country was going to the
dogs. All that you needed was some word
of curiosity or opposition to start you of
on one Of your greatest hobbies: but you
are shut of before you have had a chance
to say anything. You may try another
| tack, in hope Of arousing interest and
say:
And yet how much better of We are
than any other country"
Yes, comes the reply again, in precisely
the same tone as before. IL you express a
| mild dissent, people Of this kind close the
matter by positive dissent. If YOU ask
one OF them IL he agrees with you he al
ways says yes; IL you suggest the posi-
bihty OF negative answer being desired
he silences all doubts by saying no. What
Is the matter with these conversation
wreckcrs? They are decidedly tantalizing
and before you have been with one of them
| ten minutes you have either lapsed into a
| sullen silence yourself or you have given
vent to the most extraordinary and con-
Trajectory remarks in the vain hope of
arousing an interest in your companion