Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1894-05-02
CORRESPONDENCE

IFor the ADVERTISER.
LOOKING BACKWARD.
A Little Ancient History Com
pared With the Doings Now.
Mr.. EDITOR: Although the peo-
pie of South Carolina are making
history every day and perhaps do
not care to look back, I beg leave
to give an incident that happened
ages ago as apropos to the situa-
ton in South Carolina to-day.
Many, many years ago, when the
world was much younger than it is
now, long before the invention of
gunpowder and firearms, great
mechanician invented a military
machine, or engine, to be used IN
battle, which he claimed would
throw enormous stones at all enemy,
and kill hundreds of them at one
discharge. This machine was
operated something like the trigger
of trap, and with a powerful
spring, it was claimed that it would
throw these huge stones for a half
mile or more and with unerring
precision into the ranks of q hostile
army.
Well, this engine was adopted
by one of the nations of antiquity,
but it's mechanism and uses were
kept profound secret for fear
that other nations would catch on !;
and such was the confidence in
the invention and the skill and
repute of the inventor that its
PP7Ss.otical operation was never even
tested. A war coming on, however,:
made the opportunity. The op-
posing armies were drawn up in
line, and the engine brought out
for use. A huge stone, toms
weight or more, was placed on the
machine, and everything made
ready for the trial, trial which
was 10 result in the complete dis.
colnfture rout and obstruction of
the opposition forces. At this
juncture when everything was in
readiness, the General who was in
command of the army which had
the machine stepped back from it
few PAGES and gave the word of
command: "Damn it boys, let 'er
roll, and let the man who made the
Thing pull the trigger"
In obedience to this command,
the man who made the ''Thing''
pulled the trigger and the Thing
went off.
The stone rose in the air.
Straight up it went, higher and
higher, until it became a mere
speck in the empyrean blue, and
then it began to descend. Straight
down it came, down, down it came
with tremendous force, fell ON the
Thing" that sent it up, broke it
all to pieces and killed the man
who made it. The General took
in the situation at glance, jumped
on the stone which had done the
mischief and made the army q
speech. He said: "Fellow soldiers,
the war is over. That Internal
Thing has done US up, pointing
at the smashed remains. We will
have to fall back like this damned
rock did, but before we 60, we
must give name to this Thing
that broke our molasses jug for u.s..
I move we name it 'Jackass. "
Everybody in the army seconded
the motion. "Well," said the Gen
eral, "as everybody has seconded
the motion it is no use to put it.
1t is already carried. Besides, the
woods in front of us are full of
guyascutesses, whangdoodles, and
Tillmanites. Grease your heels
and light out"
Right there, Mr. Editor, is where
the Jackass started and he hasn't
stopped yet.
If anyone should seek to COM
pare the Supreme Court of South
Carolina to the "Jackass," General
and all, above named, be it so, for
if every citizen of this State has
an "inalienablo right" to sell
liquor certainly the right to think
and talk is equally as ''inalienable"
if not more 80.
I'll tell you what it is,