The Washington times., 1894-12-23


to the larceny of 1854 from the money drawer
! OF a certain store The crime had been
CHARGED against young colore woman, Tut
I Judge Miller by his clever cross-questioning
and examination OF tne boy fixed the thet on
. him. The irl was, OF course. discharged
and then, turning to the boy witness, his
/ honor said:
''Boy, some day big iron door will swing
| oren and you will be put away in the gloom,
/ where the rainwon'tg fall on. you for long
! term OF years.
Clerk Lum Harper. of Judge Kimball's
court was swearing a1ine OF colored witnesses
in tass several days ago. @
Hold up your eight hands, he COM
manded. .-aic@
/ All complied except shriyeed little negro,
b with bushy sroWthsof gray on his lheahl and
/ an age-whitened Imperial, which hung from
| his chin like an unraveied wire cork screw.
! THIS old fellow held up his / # hand. ~
"Didn't tell you 10 hold up your right
| hand,n sharply demanded Clerk Harper. up
! with ii.
'Carn't do it, boss" replied the old man,
| grinning lise Cheshire cat rs he wiggled
rhe empty right sleeve OF his coat Il dun
lef' dat air arm
IN DE TRENCHES BEFo' PETERSBURG, sAH"
Guess you left it in gone farmers man
| trap" said the clerk aside as ne commenced
| TO administer the oath.
A Young white man of pugilistic appear
ance whose front hair described q curve on
| his forehead. and made a sort of crossr Dads
connection with his bushy eyebrows, faced
| Judge Miller on the charge of assault His
Honor asked the low-browed youth why he
struck the complainant.
| Yer see, dat feller called me mudder q
! brute and fddie-faced hog, and then |
swipe6 him one on de kiSser and called it
! square"
]
| colored youth several days ago who was
charged with striking another lad with a
stone. Addressing the complainant, Mr.. Moss
asked:
what kind of stone did my client strike
you WITH"
"a corner stone. sah.''
"What!" exclaimed the astonished barris-
| ter.
Eyes, sir. q corner stone-same as dey lay
under churches.
Case dismissed, said the court.
During the tr al OF Simon Schwartz, a COM
ical looking little German, in Judge Miller )
court recently, on the charge Of keeping a
'speak-easy" in the classic precincts of
! ''Foggy Bottom" there were several funny
happenings When his honor instucted Bail
i'll Hooe TO bring in the witnesses for the
! prosecution three old women. bowed with age
and thered with infirmities, tottered towards
| the witness s'aud.
''What is th,s vou are springing on the
court" remarked the jnige dryiy, ian old
woman s intlrmarY or home Tor the aged?''
One of The male witnesses in the case was
asked if he knew good VIII sky when he
tasted it. 'No, sir, he replied, II amt a
whisky man. but
I'M ACE HIGH on GIN"
Several bottles of alleged whisky, captured
by Policeman HanIey in the raid on Schwartz
,lo.a ,rara ,IacaJ IN ati,}anoa b,, r-o.o,,,. =,
Pugh. The attorney ior the DEFENDANT de-
MED that the LIQUID i'll the bottles was whisky.
He claimed that 1t was cure for The gripes'
which Mr.. Schwartz had been putting on the
"Foggy Bottom" market for 10, these nany
years.
Court Policeman Marks, who had been in
the grocery ana liquor business before his adj
vent on the police force. was sworn as an ex-
pert to examine the vile looking stuff and de-
termine whether it was a cure for the gripes
or producer o. that antastic ailment COM
monty known gmong,the drinking fraternity
as 1.-The bats. y Officer Marks seized one OF
bottles with the air of a conneisseur. and ele-
waiting it high IN the air. took craught deer
and long. Hsfaeean instant later presented
q study that would have done good service as
a carictature liza French comic weekly.
sit may oe WHISKY gasped the expert
''but it is the kind that kills.
In another espeak-easy'' case several bot
ties were pidceu III eVlueDce. Iney We're
filed with sort of home-made whisky anG
hal pasted on the outside pen and ink labels
One of these read "ihe WasherWoman'
Friend" while another was inscribed ''The
Workingman's Relief" They were captured
in colored mans hut on the commons. whose
illicit whisper-shop was patronized by the
poorer classes OF working people.
prisoner in Judge KimbalPs court wa:
charged under the vagrancy act with being
an habitual drunkard. He appeared in tn.
dock shaking like an aspen, as a result of
long spell OF drinking.
''The policeman says 1 am drunkard,' he
pleaded in his own'defense, "but, your honor
l only drinks whenrI am feeling badly"
How often do you feel badly?n asked
Prosecuting Attorney Pugh.
Pretty much all the time,'' frankly replied
the prisoner. You see I am drawing pen.
sion Tor general breaking up of my nerVou:
system, and that makes that bad feeling come
over me pretty often"
II though hit so.' said Mr. Pugh ''You hav,
evidently made arrangements to feel bad ant
stay drunk
THE BALANCE OF YOUR LIFE"
A ragged coored boy stood in the dock on,
day last week charged with petty offense
| His entire worldly possessions consisted Of ,