Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-06-18
JUST FOR FUN.

els Barton rich?" 'sWell, only rela-
lively so. He has a rich aunt
''I've never had the courage to get
married. Haven't, eh. What's your
business?" ooh, Pm only a lion
! tanner"
"You have a very promising pupil"
eyes, if his performances were only
equal to his promises, I should be
satisfied.''
"What made you steal this gentle
mans door natl" "Sure, yer honor,
it said, Welcome on it in letters as
long as yer arm"
His mother-You ought to feel
ashamed of yourself, for fighting lit
tie Johnny Naybors. TOMMY do,
mamma, he licked me.
Gentleman (to peddler)-Can these
safety matches? Why, they won't
light at all. Peddler-Well, what
would you have safer?
Mrs. Baldwin-Bridget, have you
turned the gas on in my bedroom, as
I told you? The New Domestic Jewel
-Yis mum. Can't you shmell it?
Maude-Why don't Laura marry
Dick Hobson? I thought she liked
him. Clara-She does, but she says
1t shall never be said Of her that she
was young Hobson's choice.
Lovejoy Gas he is about to leave, af-
ter his rejection) Miss Spurn-
er help me on with my overcoat.
Since you can not be my wife you
may at least be assister to me.
Mrs. Brown (nudging Mr.. Brown,
who SHORES with his mouth open)-
William, you'd make less noise if
you'd keep your mouth shut. Mr..
BrownConly half awake)-So'd You.
She Gin afright)- oh, Tom, why do
you make such awful faces at me?
He (contritely)-I can't help it dear.
My eyeglasses are falling off and I
don't want to let go of your hands.
''But Ethel, how do you know that
this young man loves you? Has he
told you so?'' ooh, no, mamma; but
if you could only see the way he looks
at me when I am not looking at him!"
"Probably a man never feels so
SMALL" said Uncle Allen Sparks, as
when his wife comes to him and
says: "My dear, Johnny can't wear
your cast off clothes any more.
They're too little for him.
Might Fare Worse: Invalid tour
ists.-Is Denver a good place for a
consumptive to make his permanent
residence? Denverite-I reckon it is
stranger. This town has the finest
cemeteries in the hull darn state.
Deans Rheumatic Pills absolutely cure !
& Neuralgia. Entirely vegeta
BILE. Safe.
''Now, Mrs. Bronson" said the /
broker, chow shall we invest this
money for you?'' Il don't know said
the lady. "What do you think of
these huctuatipg stocks? understand
a great deal Of money is made in
them''
Don't you spend a great deal of
your time in denying other peoples
"Yes," said the boast
er: Il go around putting the Ounce
cap on other peoples heads" ''Aren't
you afraid you'll catch cold?" asked
the other, quietly.
Wife with a determined air)-I
want to see that letter; That one you
Just opened. I know by the hand
writing that it is from woman, and
you turned pale when you read it!
Give it to me sir! 'Here it is. It's
your milliner's bill.''
"You wanted me to point out
learned man?" eyes" "Well, you
zee this man coming down here?'
Yes" "He is SENATOR "Ah!
earned man?'' t:No: but the man be-
lind him ISL sWho is he?' 'sThe
private secretary"
Miss Gillct: "There goes Prof. Fox,
he great scientist. I'd give good
Zeal to know what mighty problem
lie is thinking of now" Prof. Fox
ruminating): "Let me see: I was to
ret three yards of tape, a pound Of
'utter, order the coal, pay the butch
r, and get some soothing syrup for
he baby"
A father, fearing an earthquake in
he region Of his home, sent his two
'oys to distant friends until the peril
hould be over. A few weeks after
he father received the following brief
tote from his friend: ssDear Jack,
'lease take your boys home, and send
tho ooptb0uo1yo