Birmingham age-herald., 1894-12-26
lTOTHESTAGESTRUCK
ADVICE CONTAINED IN THE EXPERT
 ENcE OF AN ACTRESS.

struck? More than half of my acquaint- ances have voluntarily confessed the soft Impeachment, among their Dumber two clergymen and q snowy haired state se'na- tor. No doubt their imaginations picture (mine did) joyous vision of triumphs in which wealth, fame, laurel wreaths, etc., are jumbled in artistic and cloudy confu- sion. The reality is different. Looking backward-I won't say how long-I see only a never ending perspective of railway coaches, sleeping cars and ono night stands.
 Picture to yourself the bare walls, the hard benches of the little railway station, the solitary kerosene lamp, that smells to heaven, hung at the far end just by the ticket office, the sheet iron stoyo in the center of the room-redhot if tho weather is warm, stono cold if blizzard is in prog ress without-the close stifiing atmosphere of the place, tho jays, as the comedian dubs them, lounging around chewing to- bacco to the last man, expectorating at, on and around tho cuspidor as though it was some new kind of target, but never, oh, never, making bullseye.
 You enter this charming place to await the train which carries you to tho next one night stand. You have rushed from the theater after packing your trunk in a jiffy, locked it three separate tiines only to find an important article of your ward robe left out oach time your face covered with thick veil to hide the makeup you have not time to remove, for tho stage manager has notified the company, one and all, that the train leaves at 11:l5 p. m. As tho curtain falls at quarter to II, you have just 30 minutes to change l. J f<a the station.
 Of course you hurry for all you are worfh-it is 200 miles to the next town, and if you get left you pay your own fare.
 A long wait. Will that train never comeP Tho click, click of the telegraph is heard in the ticket office, and shortly after our agent announces in tones the re- verse of cheerful:
 "Our train is two hours late, and we shall most likely miss connections at the next junction.
 In due time-6:3O-we arrive at the junction, only to find our train gone and over five hours to wait till the next ono arrives. We interview the station master and arc informed that there is a very good hotel in the town-the Pickwick House.
 The town is a mile or more from the depot The gentlemen of the company an nounce their intention of walking, but tho "old man" declared he preferred to die where he was After struggle covered wagon with seats was procured, and the ladies, accompanied by the afore- said O. m., who consented to live little longer, jolted merrily away.
 To say we were tired and hungry but feebly expresses our condition. However, the prospect of breakfast and bed for few hours inclined us all to treat tho affair as a joke.
 Mine host of the Pickwick, who met us at the door, lowing, smiling and rubbing his hands, ushered us into the office, where the omnipresent sheet iron stove flourished A few wooden chairs, small desk and very largo cuspidor completed the furniture. Across one end of the room was a partition about seven feet high, from behind which came Q suspicious chatter of dishes. We looked at each other in dismay. What had we struck?
 Just then the agent came forward. La dies, I'm very sorry, but you'll have to double up. There are only two rooms available. The gentlemen will have to sleep in the chairs"
 This was the last drop in my cup of bit terness knew tho leading lady would chum with the soubrette, and the "old NOulul ldll to uly tluFG-dDu SHS SuOrGO.
 Well, show us the rooms. Let us rake the cinders from our hair and remove some of the railroad soot from our faces that at least would be something," we said
 The landlord turned his whole battery of bows and smiles upon US. Wouldn't we take breakfast first? It was ready, and"-
 ''No, we would not" we unanimously informed him. Wash up first wo must and would, breakfast or no breakfast. "Show us the rooms at onoe."
 ''Impossblel They were not made up yet. If we would breakfast''-
 ''No, no''-this from the old woman, who did all the talking. "Show us the rooms and send the chambermaid at once"
 Again impossible bows and smiles Help was scarce and hard to keep, and-well, to tell the truth, the chamber maid was also waitress and could not leave the dining room till breakfast was over.
 In desperation take hand. "Then we'll do up the rooms ourselves only, for goodness sake, let's get to them. D
 This time no bows or smiles instead dogged look of determination. The landlord was in his last ditch. He was sorry not to oblige the ladies, but tho guests who were at present occupying the rooms were not up yet.
 The dining room was behind the parti- tion, and the odor of stale tobacco floated over it and mingled with the menu, which consisted of tough steak, eggs that any self respecting hen would unhesitatingly disown, very queer bread that some ono said was adulterated with bone dust, cot tonseed butter and coffee that the come dian declared was of the bootleg varie- ty," whatever that may be. After this repast we cooled our heels in the office until the chambermaid conde- seconded to let us go to our rooms-cham- bers of horror as they proved. We were called at half past Il and rode back to tho ESation in the ark on wheels. This time we got the train and arrived at our next one night stand just in time to get supper and rush to the theater, go through the per formance and leave town after it again. This is the record of 24 hours on the road. Do you wonder that ono night stands arc bugbear to theatrical folk?- New York Herald
 What Women Never Do