Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-06-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A sure thing-Your feminine oppo
nent.
The counterfeiter never takes more
than passing interest in his busi-
ness.
''The stuff of which heroes are made"
Wood pulp and printers ink
Puck.
When girl counts on her fingers,
she invariably counts most on the en-
gagement finger.
When competition among surgeons
is not usually strong, they nearly all
have cut prices. Truth.
The man with only one idea is much
more dangerous than the man without
any ideas ut all.--Dallas News.
"Ihe Colonel is very reserved
man." eyes. Always was-all through
the war. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A good name will give you the use
of other mems riches. But its riskier
to be an indorser than capitalist.
Puck.
Revenge is sweet"
Philosopher-"Maybe; but it leaves q
bad taste in your mouth. New York
journal.
Priscilla--"Don't you wish you were
old Van Bullion's wife," Prunella-
.'No; but 1 wish l was his widow. -
New York Herald.
If woman wants welcome when
she gets home she should leave her
husband with the baby when she goes.
--Atchison Globe.
When boy washes his face without
being told, his mother thinks that
there is something the matter with
him. Pittsburg Dispatch.
We all admit that marriage is q lot
terry, but we are, also, convinced that
we know the lucky combination.
Kate Fields Washington.
A petrifed woman has been found
in Illinois. 1t is suspected that her
husband paid dressmaker' bill with
out kicking. Buffalo Express.
They say that time is money yet
'Twould be a Joy most strange
If we could take five minutes out
And get So change.
American Industries.
'What did Mangie receive that
medal for that he now wears?" HE
has run over more people than any
man in our bicycle club. Chicago
Inter-Ocean.
Edith--'I thought you and Mabel
were fast friends" Nellie 1--WE used
to be-" "And you are not now?"
'No." 'What was his name ?'-New
York Weekly.
"There Is one thing can be said of
Brownie always attends to his own
business" "Yes, sir; that's why his
last employer discharged him. ."-Chi-
cago Inter Ocean.
Teacher of Decorum --''Now, JIM
my, why is it that man speaks of his
wife as his better half?" Jimmy
"Mebbe, It's COS she costs tn most !"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'sYou should see Cholly in his new
spring suit. He is out of sight. "
"Then he illustrates q proyerb."
"What proverb?" "Out of sight, out
of mind. New York Press.
All up and down the whole creation,
Everywhere we roam,
The Whit of paint and soapsuds makes
Every place like home.
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Am.able Visitor-"And this is the
baby, is it? Why, it's the very image
of its father" Cynical Uncle-'Well,
it needn't mind that as long as it has
good health. Chicago Tribune.
''That's the kind of weather profit
for me, mentally observed the mer-
chant, calmly charging customer 50
for 50 umbrella one rainy morning
day or two ago. Buffalo Courier.
Teacher-'The Prince was born
when the battle of Leipzig took place.
Now, who can tell me the date of his
birth?" Pupil--''The 18th, 18th and
10th of October. "-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
Hazel-"Do you know, papa never
knows when Tom goes home. The
clock is always stopped when he calls. "
Ethel-''Dear me Is he homeiy
enough for that t?"-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
''My dear young woman, ID Is well
known that intellectual women are not
good-looking." "And how would you
classify me?" "Why. you are not at
all intellectual" " ooh, You hatterer !"
-Fliegon le Blaetter
Editor-''I regret, Mr.. Barnstorm-
or, that my paper referred to your
starring trip as starving one. Mr.
Transformer - Don't mention II.
Your statement was absolutely cor
rect "- New York Journal.
May--"AFe you still calling on Nell
lie uplato9a Brother Jack Yes,
she's a very bright girl. May she
mast be hear you don't need light
la the parlor whom you aud che are
there - Philadelphia Record
Excuse me, sif. said the beggaE.
'hut did ynu ever hear u aid that
money talksfa "i have aid tie
WAylarer. "Msll eF would you
mina letting me have dime Tor iss
minutes ehstf la aalal loas ome.