The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1894-03-04

men has been lost TO history because 40
scribe thought TO treasure II while the SUD
ject was living. And now let there be
recorded something which jones believes
should earn for him at least one rung IN me
ladder of fame.
Soon after Jones returned from Chicago
he disappeared If by magic a week
later he was back TO his old haunts lbs
said he had been to the country. and ~
his appearance did not suggest Plainfeld
or Dwight his story was believed To hls
intimates, however, he seemed 10 have LOST
return he was himself again; a little more
so, perhaps, for there was merrier CLEAN
tie prouder. Indeed, he had the self-sat-
isfied air Of a millionaire and public bene-
factor combined. And no wonder. he had
something-that was worth millions 10 him.
self, besides being n blessing 10 mankind.
To the Doctor, a bosom friend. he gave an
inkling OF his discovery, and the Doctor not
wishing 10 keep the people IN ignorance OF
a matter Of so much moment 20 humanity
decided 10 enlighten the world.
Jones's discovery is this: substitute for
alcohol and all liquors containing alcohol
If his discovery proves TO be all that IS
claimed, there will be no drunkenncss:
There will be no need Of prohibition or local
option laws. Beer saloons grOg-shOps and
clubs will no longer be compelled 10 SNUG
gle in supplies for the buffet.
habit a study, and IL is even intimated that
IN the pursuit of knowledge he had tasted
ali liquors ana learned their eftectS on Lne
brain, stomach and body. No reproacn
should attach TO Jones for doing this, tbs
end justified the means. Jones's first idea,
when he began experimenting, was 10 dis
cover some way 10 cOndense liquors having
alcohol for a basis, but he found alcohol
SOOlu not De Teuuccu OF SolLaINe,l- his 'A-
Ject was TO decrease the bulk Of a certain
quantity OF liquor that ten drinks In
a dry state would not occupy more space
than one in a liquid form. That would
have been simply a convenience to the con-
sumer and seller.
ne became imbued with the idea that drink
ing had evil effects. He believed most men
drank liquor for the eXhiiaration f. pro-
duced; not because IL wrecked mind and
body. So Jones directed his efforts toward
finding a harmless intOXicant. This re-
CURED months OF patient experimenting,
but at last he was rewarded. When he
went to the country it was 10 obtain CIiet
TO think out a plan for utilizing his dis
coVery. He was not successful and came
back 10 the city. Here ne consulted the
best works on chemistry and finally found
what he wanted.
He has determined to put his intoxicant
on the market in the form Of loZenges.
They Will be made of all grades OF strength
and favors. There will be a treble Y Tor
fingers OF booze" Favored ES sust like the
Old stun; one OF medium strength AMI
another Of the pony kind There VIII
also be lozenges to taste ike bourbon. rye,
gin, rum, sherry, claret, port and other
wines, and even the seductive mixed drinks.
cocktails and champa gnes Will not be for
gotten. Some people are hard 70 wean from
old customs. Jones has taken care OF this
class lie Will also have his preparation
put up in liquid form. 4 drop Will be- suf-
nclent 70 convert a glassful OF water into
any kind of drink that may be desired At
banquets and other feStal gatherings Vari-
Gus drinks may be prepared Ia bulk and
even bottled and charged with gas imi-
tate the LIQUORS OF old. But the popular
method OF taking the intoxicant will be It's
Dry state. 1t can be carried in the pocket
or in a box resembling those used by snuff
ers or tobacco cheWers. Jones Is even now
considering a plan for donating a beautiful
silver or gold box 10 each purchaser Of A
profitable amount On these boxes will be
engraved the words:
JONESS RXHILARANT
Each lozenge or bottle OF extract VIII be
accompanied by a duly signed guarantee
that the exhilarant will cause nothing
worse than a Slight ebulition OF spirits. an
enlivening Of the person who uses H. Big
heads and red eyes VIII become things Of
the past when Jones's exhilarant comes into
general use. Distilleries will close saloons
vanish, and Uncle Sam viii be forced 20
restore the protective tariff 10 make up
Tor the loss OF the whisky tax with pro-
lection assured forever, industries viii re-
vlVe 10 their past greatness. and the idle
be given work. With no prospect OF free
trade the Democratic partys mission viii
have ended; with prosperity reigning, the
misunderstanding Populsts will have no
reason TO exist, and with rum traffic abol-
isned the original third party can seek
other evils 10 reform
And what of yones2 Did the nations OF
the eaTtn unite IN paeans OF pralseg Was
he canonized by the church? or did he be-
come Rothschild? That is a subject fox
another story.