The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1894-12-27
READY FOR THEDeRE
CONVERSATION OF a MAN WHO was
PRiMEo FOR A oYsPEPTic.

You are SO burly and robust" said
che orgulous dyspeptic, with secret
scorn. to his casual travelling acquaint-
ance. that l presume you are never
troubled with dyspepsia You have
much to be thankful for am often in
such state that
Was the burly acquaintance to endure
the garrulity of a chance dyspepsics He
was not
''On the contrary" he Immediately re-
piled, for, never having suffered mo-
ment in his life from any physical all
ment. his mind was active and vigilant
"On the contrary, | have suffered I'M
told torture from dyspepsia. and as you
are interested in the subject viii will
ingly give you my experience. began
with the finest digestion ir' the world,
but while engaged in the military service
of the country, being 10 years scouting
ON the frositier. the character of the ra-
tons, together with the quality of the
CONNECTIONS of soldier cooks previously
engaged in driving hacks and smuggling
castings"-
'Oh. my trouble was not with cooks,
interposed the dyspeptic loftily, but
nevertheless much chagrined to find the
burly acquaintance prepared to talk on
On the subjec:. AS was about to tell
you. am often in such state that
"And the irregularity Of the meals
hurried on the burly acquaintance,
served. you understood, in camp, al
fresco and a la fourchette sans ceremonie
threw me into such disorder that hae
indigestion. then dyspepsia, then nom
assimilation. | submitted my case to the
army surgeons. They advised me-
Doctors are of little use will tell
YOU
TO confine myself to the simplest and
most digestible edibles and esculents TO
be found in the military commissary
But grew worse, and the surgeons or
dered me back to civilization. where !
could obtain the delicate nutrimenr
which my disordered and seriously i'm.
paired system required. went to Chi.
cago and began a diet of chicken broth,
fresh fruit. stale bread made from newly
ground graham. steamed oatmeal"-
''Oh. l tried all those Five years
ago
THE result was that grew worse, %
before. and the local doctors advised me
to go toto go to New York. where I
should be able to find foods better suited
to my rarlous state. Accordingly Invent
to New York and laid out diet of the
finest and purest of the selected foods
that that metropolis affords
plain country food taken rs the sys-
tenn requires"--
MY physician advised exact regular
ity. | had two ounces sea food. two
ounces farinaceous food. two ounces Of
the juice of fresh imported fruits and
two ounces coagulated albuminoids ev-
cry two hours. Growing steadily worse,
consulted higher medical talent One
doctor kept me on clam broth. another
an tangerines, another on shredded
.roiled frogs legs. another on distilled
alfalfa
Five years ago.
Growing steadily worse, consulted
still higher authority. was now told
that my diet was at variance with na.
ture. The doctor told me that nature
was proportion, Rhythm, music--foods
must be taken ia harmonious proper.
tions. He prescribed the same sea foods,
cereals. meats and fruits as the others,
but in a chromatic scale of the decreas
ing seventh. throwing in occasionally o
Few vegetables by way of variation o.
the fugue and double extracts as over
tones"---
"Of course you recovered. your case
being merely temporary
Growing steadily worse. consulted
doctor who had had great success
among the millionaires-fnancial sue
cess. He was a man of blunt speech
and plain common sense He said ha1
nyerworked my stomach and must give
it entire rest. What ! was to do for a
living in the meantime he did not say
but he took large fee with great scorn
rightly despising me for the small
amount of money that he left me- My
stomach was now worse than ever. II
refused to be cajoled and despised my
offers of peace. Excuse me moment
Once had spent over IS hours fasting
! then drank two drains of soda mint
with four ounces Of aqua pura-every-
thing was now drains. scruples and
ounces with me, and the zigzag symbols Of
those distressing quantities appeared in
my nightly nightmares like procession
of Daniel Quilps and Humpbacks of No
tire Dame-as say v drains of sterilized
milk at 70 degrees centigrade. with Nv
wiggles Of bismuth and ii jiggle jaggles
Of soda. with q couple of glasses of wine
and pepsin to all in the mysterious proc
esses of digestion
The large amount of actual food con-
tanned in the ounce Of milk began to dis
tress me exceedingly, but the wine. to
which was not accustomed. gave me
courage took several more doses of II
Immediately. Increasing the doses rhyth
micaily. had not felt so well in months,
said Wine is undoubtedly mocker.
but it is good rubifacient. b,sides pos
sessing valuable qualities as an antinar.
cotic and tnerrymaker. Now. very well.
Mr.. Stomach ! said, you are unamena-
BILE to gentleness, unmoyed by kindness
and irresponsible toThe concord of sweet
culinary symphonies | will give you
something to rage about Pulbng on
my hat, | walked lightly adown the
street. and entering. not doctors wait
Ing room. but restaurant, instantly
ordered and partook Of repast consist
mg in part Of turtle soup, roast old goose,
broiled fat Holsters. corned beef and
cabbage. salt pork, hot rolls. Italian
cheese. tripe. piince pie. black coffee,
chartreuse and black and green cigar.
las you can imagine. when you con.
slider the philosophy Of ii, that ended IL