The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1894-12-26
Or. Prices Cream Baking Powder
Worlds Fair Highest Award.
MINCE PIE D0wNED HIM.
The Horse Editor succumbs to the
Great Pence nfsturher

Inc morse editor, who yesterday took
a day off. came into the sanctum at
an early hour this morning with a
countenance as pallid as a ten-cent
salt bag. His eyes were fixed in a
CLASSY stare, his lips asllen, his teeth
chattering and his form shaking like
an Arkansas ague patient.
Whats the matter, old mani" ten
DERBY inquired the religious editor, be-
tween the horse editor and whom ex-
lists sort of fraternal feeling, both be-
ing members Of the Blue church; .'been
sick?"
"sick?" echoed the horse editor,
family, yet with earnest emphasis.
How did it come about? 2" pursued
the religious editor. throwing the last
three pages of a sermon into the waste
basket, and taking a fresh chew.
Tell me. Been bowling up a little
for Christmas. eh?'-
Bowling up! No sir rec. I haven't
drank enough to wet the bottom of
a-well, wash tub. No, it isn't drink
that is the cause Of my woe. Get me
some water, will your he added, faint
ly. but recovered in time. to assert that
he didn't want a bath when a gobletful
was produced.
'HAh, I'm better now calculated the
sick man, when he had slipped about
enough of the colorless liquid as would
satisfy a thirsty canary. 'No-o-o, no,
my boy, it's eating brings me here.
want to warn people against the
habit
why, I thought you had a digestion
like an ostrich" said the religious edi-
tor, shipping off the text Of a suspicious
looking lot Of typescript, and adding
the words, REV. So-and-so, of such
and-such d, church, spoke on the above
topic last night, etc"
80 l have, dear boy, so have. But
an ostrich cannot digest everything
and 1 do not claim any aige on the
bird; and one Of the things 1 could not
get away with tackled yesterday
''So!' said the religious editor, get
ting interested.
see, / had a day off. Ny wife had
purchased everything necessary for a
big spread the day before-turkey,
cranberries, fruit, bottle OF wine, oys-
tiers, and everything like that, and
when 1 got up in the morning she was
as clipper as a 2:15 filly between the
shafts Of pneumatic. She says to me,
You know, hubby dear, If you want to
go up town, you can. Dinner wont be
ready till 4 o'clock I am foxy enough
to know a thing, when l see it, and l
tumbled that she wanted a clear track
on the trip, so jollies UP to the stable
and took a look at the FLY by Rain
bow out Of Madge who VS. sired by
Black Diamond out Of that Corsair
that Jenkins owned, dam Mary J by
Proudfoot and"
Say" interrupted the religious edi-
tor, did that filly have anything to do
with your being sick?"
No was the reply in an injured
sort Of tone: Il was just tellin' you
about the filly. Oh" he added.
new light breaking in on him, you
want to know what made me sick?"
Cert
wei, when I got through lookin' at
the FLY I went over TO Bay Billy's
stall. You know Bay Billy won the
PA at Los Angeles in '92. Fine horse
too. Sired by Long
DIN Long" sententiously said the
YOU"
"oh! you want to know what made
me sick?'
YES"
well, as I was saying, I CALLED
back home and maybe the old girl
didn't have a spread. Turkey, baked
breast down-say, never allow your
other way is the best. The juice gets
into the breast then. I learned that
from Hank Smith who drove Little
Nell the time she took first money
from Bob Kneebs Royal Pheasant,
Sanders Old Lady and Jim Phelan's
Roxy in the free-for-all in Omaha in
'S4. Little Nell was a. five-year-old by
Rochester. dam Albain out of Sweet
heart by Mambrino Patchen and
See here" interrupted the religious
editor, ARE you going to talk horse all
night or are you intending to finish
what you started upon?"
"oh! you want TO know what made
me sick
''well, I should say I did. providing
you get time 10 finish it up
We'll, as 1 was saying, she had
loped oysters, lemon pie, apple pie, sew
eral kinds of pie, orange cake and I
laid in feed for ninety days Every
time I'd tackle something new the old
girl would look over any say Save a
little room, dear, I've got a surprise
for you l saved it. She brought on
say. what do you think she brought
?"
"what?' eagerly inquired the relig-
ious editor.
'Mince pie. Three of 'em. tasted
one and it was pretty near as natural
as the ones I used to get down in the
Salem circuit in Massachusetts, That
was the time when You Bet was pac-
ing with runnin' mate to trot the
record. You know You Bet. Nat
Brown owned him. Sired by"
"Oh, come off. Did the mince pie
make you sick?"
me. They tasted natural. and
soak me If 1 didn't put a half one on
top Of all the rest of that stuff. Then
[ set back and lit a cigar L began to
grow kind o sleepy and says to the
Did girl, Sis, I'm goin to Iop down on |
cause I've got to write UP Mccoy. 3
new geldins and the mare for tomor-
row. and she says all right So T
Topped down. Say, do you know any,
thing about the process Of digestion =.
Not . word, except digesting SER
mons
We'll, never eat sermon" said
the morse editor. They are too dry
fodder for me. But digestion is a. won
1ertul thing. At least, so they gay,
and guess it's true Well, my gas
-gasitro-nonlcal apparatus tackled
The turkey just as I dropped off to |
sleep. The process of digestion mixed
With sleep, however, produces dreams
These visions are governed By the
victuals one has taken. If you eat feed
hats palataole you strike an easy gait
and step on lively without needing toe
weights. When the folders a little
lough you clip along with only an oc-
-asioEfal break, but when you strike
What ! did you get shut oll for rum
hing. Well. as l WAS saying, when the
turkey began TO aSsLrllilaEe and change
rom gobbler into man. had a picnic.
went back home to the little village
where was Brought up end waded in
he creek just as I used 70 do when /
vas a tow-beaded kid. / went fishin' i'm
.al-,l>l,crl