The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1894-03-21
PITH AND POINT.

find himself married to lt.-Atchlson
Globe.
Great men are those who profit the
most from the fewest mistakes. --Atchi-
son Globe.
A boys face always looks as if he
had just been eating something. -
Atchison Globe. ~ y
1t is awful to see some people try to
laugh when they are not amused. -
Atchison Globe.
Men never become 80 old that they
are not little scared by q bluff
Atchison Globe.
Give friend club, and he is very
apt to hit you over the head with it. ~
Atchison Globe.
The trouble with giving women
spending money is that they spend it.
-Atchison Globe.
Good fortune sometimes comes to
see us in very shabby-looking car-
riage.--Ram's Horn. 81
Very often you can show man up
by simply turning him down.-Hart-
ford Conn., Journal.
Turn about is fair play as the fellow
said when he reversed his cuffs. -Hart-
ford Conn Journal.
The blessing in disguise should
greet us with a wink, if it expects to
be recognized.-Truth.
When man approves of anything
his wife does, hemumbles his appro-
baton. --Atchison Globe. HI
Adam was the first man to discover
the value there was in a spare rib. .-
Hartford Conn. Journal III
Some people could trace their ances-
try back to Adam if they only knew
his last name. e.-Atchison Globe.
An Americans idea of chivalry is to
protect woman against every man
except himself.-Atchison Globe.
A Western poultry fancier has hen
of the MacDuff breed which has laid
an egg every day for over year. Lay
on MacDuf!-Life. y
Inventors of flying machines should
not forget the value of dynamite. That
will make almost anything fly. Hart
ford Conn., Journal.
He (raptuously)-"You accept me?
Then it's bargain" She calmly
Certainly. I shouldn't consider it Il
it wasn't t."-Detroit Tribune.
When a girl is in love, she walks
away from the crowd at party, and
plays the piano, in the hope that he
will follow her.-Atchison Globe.
Shakespeare spoke of the seven ages
of man. This proves his discrimina-
ton. Woman has one and generally
sticks to it. it.-Philadelpnia Times.
A good deal is forgiven certain
poetess in town; people read her
poetry and remember what a good pie
baker she is.-Atchison Globe.
Express q mean opinion of yourself
occasionally; it will impress your
friends with the fact that you still
know how to speak the truth. -Atchl-
son Globe.
The man who has no family says his
failure is due to lack of some one to
:sencourage him." the married fail
ures refer to their families as ''drags."
-Atchison Globe.
Tia woman says something discredit-
able of herself in the presence of her
husband, and he doesn't deny it, IN
three days she will say that he said 1t.
--Atchison Globe.
Brassey-''Most people take Life
very seriously" Fender-''Wel, l
confess I can't imagine man becom-
i-g murderer with levity.. Taking
life is serious matter. PUCK.
Widow--"Sir, I want to collect the
life insurance upon my husbands
policy" Manager L. I. Company
ssIs he dead?" Widow--"Nc, but he
has moved to Philadelphia" Mana.
ger" "Step up to the next window and
get your check, madam. Town
Topics.
Man of Fashion (reading in news
paper that village schoolmaster had
shot himself because he could not pay
q debt of fifty marks )-"Ridiculous!
Why if I were to shoot myself for
every fifty marks that 1 owe, l should
be kept at it all the year round! p
Fliegende Blaetter.
The father of the twin babies had
been left temporarily in charge OF
them. At the end of half an hour he
weakened. "Angeline, he called out
to his wife, in voice of agonlzlng
protest, you'll have to come and take
one of these boys. No man can serve
two masters !"--Chicago Tribune.
"What does love care for rank?" e1-
claimed the young man. "Cupid is no
nobleman. 81 don't know about
that" replied the pretty girl. ''You
never henrd anybody call him your
Lordship,' did you?" ''No. But I
think it would be perfectly proper to
refer to him MS your Courtshlp. -
Washington Star.
Ethel-"Why, Maud! You have
spelled lots of words wrong" Maade
(typewriter)-"Ca help it. I took
it down just exactly as Mr.. Knibbs
dictated it." Ethel-"But, surely, he
didn't stop to spell the words out to
vou?" Maude-"Of course not. But
I'm familiar with his style Of orthog-
raphy. Boston Transcript.
"Why do you use such peculiar
terms?" asked lawyers wife of her
husband, who had returned home