Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-03-15
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD ~ FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Lsughsble Phases
Of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget Of Fun.


sprinkles of Spice.
OF course bright girl ought to
have spark Of humor Lowell Cou-
rief.
To TELL digniHed citizen to pull
down his vest Is apt to raise his
choler.--Slftings.
THE criminal Sheriff can manage
an execution as soon as he gets the
hang of the thing. -Picayune.
The fact that woman is Eighty
by no means indicates that she is
growing wings. Detroit Tribune.
SOME fiddlers can play tune on
one string, but it never makes any
body want to dance. Horn.
TEACHER-Deflne quartz Milk
mans son (who is rather absent
minded)-Plnt and a half.-Tid-Bits.
TIL-"What is your father going to
give you when you get married." Lii
-"His consent, l suppose. The
Standard.
DUKE OF SQUALLBRo-"I will never
marry woman cleverer than myself"
Miss Whirlsfair-@You'll have great
trouble getting suited. Vogue.
In olden times the Egyptians had
a cat cemetery which they consid-
cred sacred. We suppose they called
it their cattycOmbs. Rochester Dem
Ocrat
THE seraphic uplifting OF the soul
following ones first shave in the
downy period of ones existence can
never be repeated. Tran
script
DIR. Book, of Leipsic, says: Beer
Is brutalizing, wine impassions, whis-
ky infuriates. He is not the Book
the beer is named after, evidently
Boston Globe.
The editor who is always feeling
the pulse Of the people Is not really
interested in their heart beats. 1t
is his own circulation that he is look
ing after.-Life.
Mr.. CRITIC-"If that's "A Hunting
Scene why don't the men have guns?"
Mr.. Caustic-"Perhaps the artist
painted them so naturally that they've
gone of. Jester.
JACK Ito his sister Ethel)-"Cholly
Chumpleigh said he was coming round
to propose to you tonight. Has he
turned up?" Ethel-"Yes, and been
turned down. Halo.
MAUD-Why don't you give young
Sewers some encouragement IL you
love hi n? Nell-Oh, he ought to be
able to press his own suit; he's tai
lor.-Philadelphia Record.
FIRST DEACON (criticising MINISTRY
swell. il Mr.. Iiardtext isn't very
interesting, he at least doesn't slop
over" Second Deacon-"No; he is
too dry for that. Texas Siftings.
THE PoET's WIFE They say that
poetry is drug on the market" The
Poet-"Nonsense! If you'd ever sold
any poetry and bought any drugs
you'd know the difference. Harlem
Life.
ELDERLY MAIDEN-This is so I'M
expected, Mr.. Wellalong, that-that
you must give me time. Elderly
Lover-Time, Miss Rebecca? Do you
think there is any to spare?-Chicago
Tribune.
this taxin' incomes amt the
thing to do to make the country
rich," said Uncle Silas. They'd
oughter tax expenditures. People'd
spend less'n' save more then.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
MISS HEvvIswELL asked me to
CALL" said Cholly, with a delighted
grin. did she?" said his unkind
friend. "She told me yesterday she
was going to be very careful to avoid
all pleasure during Lent. Wash
ingtO on Star.
CLOSE MERCHANT-Yes, sir, I
want a new book-keeper, but you
won't do. Applicability 1 ask
why? Close Merchant-You are
bald as billiard-ball, sir A man
with no hair to wipe his pen on will
rust out whole box every week.
New York Weekly.
"How is Skimmins getting along in
his prOfession?" said one Chicago
man to another. "He is quite sue
cessful, understand" "But he told
me yesterday that he owed several
thousands of dollars" "Yes That
shows how we'll he must have estab-
lished his credit" Detroit Free
Press.
WIDow-"I want a stone for my
husbands grave exactly like the 9th.
er one in the lot" Agent-"But
isn't it trifle small for a man Of
your husbands prominence" Widow
-@No. sir! Ii Thomas thought
stone like that was good enough for
his first wife, gue-s it's plenty good
enough for Thomas. Life.
Mr. FARwEsT-"I met my old
schoolmate, Lakeside, to-day, for the
first time in an age, and l thought
from the way he acted when 1 men
toned you that you and he must have
had some romance or other before we
met" Mrs. Farwest-@No romance
about 1t. We were married for few
years, that's all. New York Weekly.
MANAeER-"The critics say that in
the play "A Wronged Wife, you do
not exhibit enough emotion when
your husband leaves you, never TO re-
turn" Popular Actress - Oh, I
don't, don't /? Well, I've had two
or three husbands leave, never to re-
turn, and l guess knowas much
about how to act under those circum.
stances as anybody."-Puck ~