The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-01-23
The Major Says he is Not a Poet--Betsy
Calls Zeke a Humbug--Zeke is
Going to Try to Get a Divorce

Calls Zeke a Humbug-Zeke is
Going to Try to Get a Divorce
B.-''Hello! Mr.. Editor"
R.-"Good morning Major. How
are you to-day9"
BIN just midlin'. I've bin sorter
under the weather sinse that poetry
cum out in your paper with my name
sined ter it. Them is not my senter-
ments an l amt goin' ter stand no
SIGH. 1 can't rite poetry an if 1 could
1 would write better stuff nor that.
I'm goin' ter git lected ter the next
legislator an repeal your charter if
you don't quit siginin' my name ter
SIGH az that"
R-"AII right, When the legisla-
ture gets filed up with such gold bugs
as you 1 will quit writing anything.
If the next legislature is filled up with
gold bugs such as the last one con
tanned, half the people will leave the
State. don't see how you IA get so
far wrong when you have such a good
sensible wife,
betsy don't call me a gold
bug. She say 8 I am a humbug. That
is hard ter take, but she is my wife an
I just have ter submit. Betsy says she
would rather see me in the penitentiary
than in the legislature. I'm goin' ter
git a divorce jist as soon az l can.
I'm not a goin' ter be bulldozed an
henpecked emmy longer. If 1 git a
divorce 1 kin start a distillery an ap-
pint myself store-keeper an eager
Tina is the only chaLEefer me ter git
releef. Betsy is dead agin ticker an
an distilleries."
R.-'Anything you may do will not
surprise me. A gold bug and Office
seeker are capable of anything, What
will you do if elected to the legis-
lature7"
BIN c~alculatin' ter introduce a
bill ter reform the tariff, coin the
seenorage ov silver in the vaults at
Washington, pass an incum tax an a
lot more guide wurk,"
R.-"Your measures are all national.
The legislature cannot take hold of
of national matters. We have an in
come tax law on cur State statute books
now, hence there is nothing needed in
that line unless it is officials to carry
it into effect. 1 don't know whether
all persons with large incomes are re-
turning them for taxation or not"
B.-"Idon'5 care nOthin' erbout them
bein' national. Kurnel Jones an Cap
tin Potts tole me whut the program
would be an I'm goin' ter foller their
direcktions. They are sharp politicians
an I'm goin' ter be a sharp one, too.
I believe in gittin' there"
R.-"You will never get there The
North Carolina people have been slow
to act, but they are gradually getting
on the right line. Goldbugs must and
shall take a back seat in this State as
well as in every other State in the
South and West. l wouldn't give a
cent for your chance for the legislature
even if you getthe nomination. Many
have been satisfied hat nothing would
be done for some time, and recent de-
velopments have opened the eyes of
thousands of others"
B.-"YOu are tryin' ter discourage
me, but l amt scared. Kurnel Jones
says we kin fool 'em one more time n
nyhow. Goodbye"
The two events this week will be the
Corbett and Mitchell prize fight, which
will be pulled off" in Florida or Geor-
gia, and the vote on the Wilson bill,
which will be pulled off" in Washing
ton. The sheriff of Duval county may
give the Corbett Mitchell gang some
trouble. Sheriff Cleveland may inter
fere in Washington. In either case, n
of the events will be of about as much