Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-03-10

PUPPtINS NO LONGER ENGAGED.
HymcnenI Prospects Nipped in the
Bud by Dose of Squash Pie.

you may as well take back your con-
CALCULATIONS. old man, for the engagement
is broken Off" said Puppkins yesterday,
over in corner at the Platypus Club.
"Brohon off, exclaimed his friend Moo
dies. astonished
Fact, | assure you. 1t is destined that l
am to remain bachelor for the present at
all events. The idea has its consultations
but | could have wished to withdraw from
the threshold of matrimony somewhat more
gracefully, perhaps
Miss Cid"
"Giddings is her name. She has given me
the cold shake, my dear fellow
Has a rival
NO; IL was no rival, far as l am
aware There was no romance in the bust
ness. 1t was just plain, ordinary squash
pie"
Squash pier echoed Noodles. How
what can pie, particularly squash pie, have
to do with q love AFFAIR.""
Much, in this instance" said PUMPKINS
with increased gloom. 1T squashed me-"
Pray explain"
Well began Puppkins, settling back in
his chair and lighting d cigar RI tell you
all about it. There is a LITTLE coterie of New
England men in Baltimore which calls it
self the Pilgrim Fathers | am, or rather
was. member of it, being, you know,
from MasSac huSettS. 1t dimes once a month
on corned beef and cabbage, baked beans
and squash pie. Other edibles are furnish
ed. put nothing that is not distinctly Yam
kee dish"
Il see." said Noodles
Il am. or rather was, member of this
exclusive organization. The last dinner was
Just ten days ago. | went to it after pass
ing the afternoon with Flora-that is to
say, Miss Giddings. who is spending the
winter in Baltimore With the repast sew
eral kinds of wine were served as usual
the Pilgrims not limiting themselves to New
England vintages-and it is possible that
may have taken trifie too much There
is no doubt whatever that the man who sat
directly opposite me at table-his name is
Pelkins-became extensively intoxicated"
''Perkins?'' said Noodles. Philadelphia
man, isn't he?"
NO; he is from Connecticut That is why
he was invited. being supposed to be a con-
noisSeur in pies
We'll" continued Puppkins, "to make a
long story short, Perkins and / came to
words. He insulted mel don't exactly re-
member how-and l threw glass of wine
across the table into his face. He respond
ed by picking up two large and very thick
squash pies. which happened to be con-
veniently within reach and letting me have
them where he thought they would do the
most good. | have since learned that Per-
kins is pitcher in an amateur base ball nine
of some local celebrity"
THE deuce!''
zone of the pies-I believe l said they
in the face, while the other struck me fiat
in the middle of my dress shirt. That is to
say, / aSCertained these facts after a bit
being so totally blinded by the first missile
that | did not at once understand what had
happer ed. After my face had been washed
with the conteltS of a finger bowl and
wiped with napkins, l able to give
some assistance to two or three of the fell
lows. who started in to scrape me off with
table knives"
And Perkns?'
"Oh, he had vanished in the confusion
But why proceed with the painful details?
You know what happens when soft body.
acting as projectile and moving at high
rate of speed. strikes hard obstacle. 1t
scatters. That is what happened to those
pies, for which | served a s a target. There
was not a square inch of my person in
front that was not covered with semi-liquid
squash. My hair was full of it. My pock-
cts were found to contain conSdera BILE
quantities of 1t. Some of it made its way
down my neck, and l eventually discovered
a small portion of it in each of my Shoes
'Horriblei But what has all this got to
do with the breaking of your engagement"
Everything. / was expelled from the
Pilgrim Fathers on the ground that | had
been the aggressor in the squash pie cpl
Miss Giddings learned this, receiving also a
full and highly humorous account of the af-
fair She wrote me that she could never
marry a man who was capable of figuring
in so ridiculous and dscreditable a per-
Torrance, returning at the same time my
letters and ring. The latter is a consola-
ton. because it is worth hundred dollars
and / am particularly hard up just at pres
ent'