The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1894-02-23

chance of bringing up the business
again. Besides, 1 knew that if the two
headed girl didn't draw 1 should be
ruined anyhow, and it didn't matter
what l might agree to pay, as there
would be no money to pay it with,
whereas, if she did draw, as expected
she would, could easily afford to pay
SIS week for her. always did go on
the principle of dealing literally with
people, especially when it is clear that
there is nothing to be lost by it.
"While the agent and l were trying
to get the best of one another the two
headed girl sat with some of her arms
around both her necks and was that pa
tient and sweet tempered in appearance
that began to hope that for once l had
found freak that wouldn't beperpetu-
ally quarreling. I have told you, pre-
sumo, freaks do nothing but quarrel
and fallin love. don t wonder at their
luarreling, seeing that they are shut
up together day and night and haven t
anything else to do, but it was long
time before l found out why they are
continually falling in love. 1t is be-
cause they don't get any exercise, except
now and then drive in closed car.
fiage.
You never heard of a trapeze per-
former or strong man falling In love.
That's because they work off their affec-
tions on their muscles. On the other
hand, a fat woman who never gets any
exercise at all is always in love, and
generally two or three deep. Naturally
the more freaks fall in love the more
they quarrel, and there is hardly day
| don't have to smooth two or three of
them down or threaten to lock them up
till they quit heavlng candlesticks and
language at one another.
Well, advertised my two headed
girl the next day, and when night came
the house was packed. Ralph Waldo
Emerson himself couldn't have drawn
better. The very best classes of Boston
society came to see the two headed girl,
and more women with more spectacles
and more false teeth came into the show
than l had ever seen before in my whole
professional experience.
There wasn't the least doubt about
the success of the two headed girl In
the very first week took in $3.50 more
than | had ever taken in in one week in
my life before. The museum was crowd
ed day and night, and every mother in
Boston brought her children and told
them that the two headed girl taught
some great moral lesson, and that they
ought to initiate her, or avoid initiating
her, or some other rubbish of that gen
eral kind. never pretend to under
stand such things myself 1 don't asso-
ciate with freaks to learn moral lessons
from them. When want moral lessons,
I'll go to Sunday school and get 'em,
instead of lowering myself to ask freaks
to give me lessons.
1.-The two headed girl, as l have said
in the beginning, was a Laplander and
couldn't speak anything but Laplard-
ish. She had been with me about a
month when was astonished one night
after the exhibition had closed and the
freaks had sat down to their usual ban
quet of pickles and cider to hear one of
her heads say to the other:
" You say that again, miss, and I'll
tear your eyes out.
" Hello!' says l, thought neither
of you could speak any English.
1.-THE girl blushed double blush on
all four cheeks and said: We've learned
considerable since we came to America,
but we never try to speak English be-
cause it amt professionalism in our
case, at any rate.
" That's all right, said L. Speak
what you like, only remember that /
don't allow no quarreling among my
people,
1.-THE next day 1 made inquiries about
the two headed girl and found that both
of her were in love with the same young
man. He came to the show every day
and always brought both of her flowers.
found out afterward that he was a
philosopher and was studying what he
called The Psychological Character of
Female Dual Consciousness as Exempli-
fed In the Two Headed Girl of Lapland.'
remember this because he wrote an
article in The Atlantic Monthly with
that title, which would have been first
class advertisement of the girl if she
hadn't happened to have retired to pri-
vate life when the article was published.
He was a rather good looking young
fellow, and both the heads of the girl
considered that he was in love with
them. Mary, which is what we used to
call the right hand head, was sure that
the young man was after her, and only |
gave flowers to Jane, who was the left |
hand head, in order not to give away
the real state of his affections to the |
general public, while Jane was equally |
certain that it was she the young man
was in love with, and that he considered |
the other head to be very much in the
way.
1.-THE fat woman, who sat close to the
two headed girl on the stage, was really
frightened at the way the two heads
used to go on. She could hear them
whispering to each other when the au-
dience couldn't hear anything said.
Mary would put her cheek up against
Janes and smile so sweetly that the au-
dience would say, How perfectly love-
lyl' but all the time she would be say
ing, I'D like to bite your ugly ear off,