Chicago eagle., 1894-12-29
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JcSrs AND YARNS ~ FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.
Wanting and osttIns. Hs Really
Needed u. Locking Out For Her.
The Only Chance. Etc., cte.

WANTING AND GETTING.
The kitchen door stood open and
there was no ore about to receive the
1shmael OF the road when he came
In. He ratified on the door while,
and as =. brought no results he sat
down on the step to wait. Pretty soon
the cook came into the kitchen from
the dining room, and as she saw him
she gave little nervous squeak.
Excuse me-" he said, rising, II
didn't mean to scare you."
But you did just the same" she
reiterated.
Yes, and I apologized like a gen.
That's all right, what do you
want ?"
"Ahem," he coughed: II want
broiled lobster and champagne, but
I won't get IL. I suppose.
mot In the slightest"
"Well, to com, from the sublime
to the ridiculous, what's the chance
for me to get soup bone and slug
Of bakers bread p"
He got II. -fDetroit Free Press.
HE REALLY NEEDED IT.
'T've bought q typewriter" said
the representative from the Steenth
Illinois district.
ITO write your speeches on ?"
mo, not that, but since I've been
in Congress I've had so many re-
quests for my autograph that 1 got
tired Of writing 1t with o pen and
ink."-fLife.
LOOKING OUT FOR HER.
She: I have beautiful girl visiting
mo, and want you to call to.mor-
row evening and meet her.
He: Delighted! Shall I bring any
one with me /?
She: Oh, no; IL isn't necessary.
He: But what will you do ?-TN Now
York Sun.
THE ONLY CHANCE.
She trembled with rage.
Insult, INSULT" she moaned ;
land yet I cannot raise q hand, un.
less"
A ray OF hope appeared.
''-some ono will come along
and unhook my waist In the back
(Puck.
Mrs. Giddy-I hear that Mrs.
Mannish has won a hat from you on
the election.
Mrs. Gaddy-Yes, but I've had my
revenge; / ordered the milliner ia
get up something awfully unbecom'
ing Harper's Bazaar.
THE Willy. WAYS OF WOMEN.
The Wife-Darling, I do not think
you love me as you used to do.
The Husband--I do. Quite OF
much, dearest.
The W.-Oh, you soy 80, but I'm
afraid--
The H.-How shall I convince
your
Tho W.-Buy me o new hat.
SPANISH HUMoR.
Here is o modern Spanish joke:
1.-THE deuce! / do feel bad"
| whats the matter"
II ate steak Of horsefaesh, ant
It's going round and round In IN!
inside"
my dear fellow! It must hav'
been circus horse"
IMPOSSIBLE.
Mrs. Strongmind-If women woul,
only stand shoulder to shoulde
they would soon win the suffrage.
DR.. Gufy-But, Madam, that i
something they can't do, with the
present style Of slecves!-[Harper
Bazaar.
CUT SHORT.
Staylate-I don't feel called upo,
Ethel Knox (at midnight)-Well-
(yawning) I do.
HOW ALICE BEGAN 1T.
Maude-What Is the trouble be
tween Alice and Kate?
Ethel-Why, you see. Alice aske
Kate to tell her just what she though
OF her.
Maude-Yes.
Ethel-Kate told r.-[ Bosto
Transcript.
NOT IN HIS WAY.
'Is my hat In your way?" II
: quired the sweet girl In the parque
seat, rs she turned around and spok
, to the man behind.
/. mot at ALL" said tho man behint
grumpily, as he surveyed her big Ina
and grabbed up his overcoat I'm
way lies toward the box Office to gt
my seat changed"
CRUEL.
Frank-Why does Miss Morto
a wear such enormous sleeves? Lare
sleeves are fashionable, l know, bl
i. hers are simply huge.
Miss Spite-Have you ever notice
9 her mouth?
, Frank-Why, OF course; but VIII,
, has her mouth to do with 1t?
1 Miss Spite-Oh, nothing; only the
q say she has a habit OF laughing
: her sleeve.-[Truth.
= THE REGRET AT HIS DEPARTURE.