West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1894-04-05
SECOND EPIsTLE OF "EBENEzERv
TO THE TUNNELTONiTEs.
Tommy Hawker. the or Dad Reformer''
Advised to 60 Join Ccxcy's Army.
HowEsvILLr. April ?. 1884

TOWNSVILLE, April 2. 1894.
EDITOR ARGUS -
/ see by your last issue that Col.
Thomas Hawker is not satisfied with
the severe castigation we gave him
in former article, but is still seek
ing notofiety at onr hands. We
have concluded once more, by your
permission, to humor him.
In the first place, Hawker and q
few chosen spirits of Tunnelton,
noted for their huge bumps of self
appreciation, try to run the affairs
of Kingwood District, and when
they fail they set up such braying
as could only be rivalled by Ba-
laam's mule. But we want to give
the Tunnelton crowd to understand
that when they attack the Elm and
the nineteenth century enterprise
OF our people. they will wish they
hadn't. Look at this fossiIized old
relic of a past age wanting to get
down in the ditch among tadpoles
and Lizards and work the county
roads, when our cnterprising Com
missioner, Mr.. Mckenzie, has pro-
vided us with that triumph of mod
ern ingenuity--a road machine-to
work Our roads for us, and ut an
expense Of So or $40 can do the
work of forty men per day, and yet
you howl because the old yellow
dun and shovel pillow is turned ont
OF the ditch and in the shovel pIow's
stead is MUKenzie's Mighty Ma
chine, tearing up earth, stone,
gravel and forests, and making
such roads as would delight the
spirit Of proud American to tread.
Come out. Tommy, with your bun
Toned toes and your sore footed
companions, and tread the roads
made by the Mckenzie Road Ma
chine, it will be like balm to your
wounds and healing to your sores.
Then the scales of prejudice AID o:
disappointed ambition to be Read
Surveyor will fall from your eyes
and you will see things in the light
OF this nge of progress and advance
ment of the nineteenth century.
Why not post yourself and be
modern in your ideas Of road work.
ing as well as other things +? Would
you cut your wheat with a reap
hook and thresh it with fail?
Would you NOW your grass with
brush scythe and rake 1t up with
trash rake--at this age of the world?
No, you old fossil, you would know
better than that. Then why not
be modern IN your ideas of road
making aud indorse McKenzie's
Road Machine?
see by their cards that Miller
and Lavelle have shaken you of.
They still have some regard for the
company they keep. Now, l would
advise you to go and join Coxey's
Army. You are both road reform.
ers, and no doubt there you will
find congenial spirits who, in their
dense ignorance, will be ready to
accept your duck pudding ideas of
working the roads. Yes, 90 to
Coxey, maybe he will give you an
Office, and your hankering after the
"fesh pots of Egypt" will be sa-
tiated.
Col. Hawker, you boast of being
an old veteran, but you say you
never fred on the enemy from
ambush. Did anyone ever accuse
you OF firing on the enemy at any
time or under any circumstances /?
Why not write us up your personal
experience vt the second b,ttle OF
Bull Run? It no doubt would be
mighty Interesting reading-more
SO than your ideas about working
county roads.
IL you don's believe our Road
Machine is all aud much more than
we claim for it, ask our fellow
townsmen, Comrade Jacob d. Wea.
yer and Joseph II. Rhodes, or citi-
zen b. +. Miller, whose level headed
judgment and exalted veracity can't
be called in question. But we warn
you, Tommy Hawker, that You
and your bumptious crew cannot.
with all your arrogance, self conceit
and bossism, ride rough shod with
impunity and without sw,fe retibu-
ton over the gallant sons OF this
Handicapped village. Let the