Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-06-02
will make it my particular business to get

Will make 1t my particular business to get
SQUARE on him some day." Another person
sends complaint from Hot Springs. Ark.
He says that he has written to Mr.. Cleve-
land, Buffalo Bill and other great men on
certain subject but has had no reply. He
ADDS: All these things look very suspicious
ana dark for our postmaster. l don't like
the looks of our postmaster" OF course.
his notion is that his letters have been in
tercepted at the local post office.
one man sends thanks for his appoint
ment as postmaster, and refers to Mr..
Cleveland his second God Persons
aiiiicted with the stamp-collecting mania
are constantly writing to the Postmaster
General for complete sets of all the United
states stamps ever issued. Sometimes,
however, they want only certain rare ones.
OF course, Mr.. Bissel has no stock of out
of-date stamps to draw on. Nearly all of
them could be reproduced from the original
dies in possession of the department. but
the latter is not engaged in that sort of
business.
There is stout and shaggy man, with
somewhat the aspect of an anarchist, who
pothers the Post Office Department good
deal with an imaginary claim. He repre-
sents himself as attorney for man who
IN the sixties earned vast sum of money
by carrying mails. The money was never
rald. Several reports have been made on
this matter, but it is wholly a delusion.
Claims are brought up in the department
again and again with each succeeding adj
ministration. They are most numerous in
Some of the cranks have a poetic turn.
One of them wrote to Secretary Smith the
other day, saying: Being disengaged. 1t
occurs to me to pen brief essay for thee
and thy fair lady. Thou knoweSt there are
thoughts that burn the brain and scar the
soul far more than blazing COAL And SO
on for a dozen pages of closely written
manuscript. An old soldier asks to be pro-
vided with q first-claSs, well-improved and
furnished small fruit and truck farm. He
offers to pay for it with the net income of
the property in ten years, provided it Is
near a good market
ChoppinE Wood with 81 Razor.
A lunatic in Nebraska inquiries: what
is the best form of law to regulate the
American industry of chopping wood with
a razor?" 1t Is q milder crank who, refer
ring 10 patent, incioSeS to the Secretary
of the Interior a chronological chart of
himself, to show what an inventive genius
he is. Another man desires to know if
there is any law by which an honorably
discharged soldier can Withdraw his dis
charge and sell it for cash. One CORES
pendent wants to know where he can pro-
cure divining rod for in finding
money buried in Texas during the Mexican
war. Another, in Pennsylvania, asks to
know about a reward which the govern
ment is supposed to have offered for the
discovery OF tin mine in his county.
Recently a man who wanted a place in a
land office out west addressed the Secretary
of the Interior. He said that he supposed
the best way was TO be friendly and not
too stiff in addressing the Secretary. Fol-
lowing out this idea, he began with~'Dear
Hoke" and used the utmost freedom of
style throughout his letter. No answer was
returned. Three weeks later a telegram
nom him was received by the Secretary.
1t read simply. "Hoke. ! start for Wash
ington overland on one horse. Hold office
till arrive" He has not arrived yet, and
nothing further has been heard from him.
Innumerable people have ,iritten to Hoke
Smith claiming kinship with him on the
strength of similarity of last names.
There are people all over the country who
imagine that 1t is part of the duty of the
Attorney General of the United States to
give free legal advice to anybody that asks
for It. For example, man will write, say
ing: IF owe two weeks board and have
SD due me for carpenter work, can the
boarding house keeper attach my wages?'
To all such communications reply is made
by circular which states that the At
torney General is not Obliged by law to
furnish information to anybody except the
President and officers of the cabinet. Not
even a Senator by the way, could demand
Information from him, though he would
probably grant 1t as matter of courtesy.
Appeals are often addressed to the Presi-
dent for pardons In cases where applica-
lions have been made in vain to the gov
etnors OF states. or course Mr.. Cleveland
has no jurisdiction over criminals convicted
under state laws. One such appeal reached
the White House the other day. 1t was
written in behalf of a coiored man. who
languished in Jail owing to anEll-restrained
appetite for other peoples chickens. The
letter quoted a poem about a little bird
pining TO: freedom in a cage. 1t ended by
saying, "Wili you not touch the spring that
opens the cage door and let the blackbird
hy?"
Ezrn. King of Heaven.
A regular correspondent of the Depart
ment of State signs himself Ezra, King of
Heaven, No. 3S:2:2S Perhaps that is the
number of his mansion in the skies. At all
events, his fad is postal cards. He will
write letter on twenty postal cards, num-
bering them consecutively, and putting his
signature on the last one. Sometimes he
mails letters, using small advertising pic
lures gummed to the envelopes, in lieu OF
postage stamps. What he writes is mostly
incoherent, but it rs intended to announce
the issuing of edicts by himself for the gov
eminent of the country.
Whenever any international complication
occurs. the Department of State gets lots
OF advice. On such occasions race ahtag-
on!sms among adopted Americans come out
strongly. lrish-Americans want Uncle
Sam to jump on England. French-Ameri-
cans do not believe in toleraring Ger
man Interference in Samoa, and so
it goes. Another regular correspondent
of the Department OF State is a per-
son who calls himself the Old Man on the
Hudson. He complains that the poor are
being ruined by machinery.
People apply for pensions on queer
grounds-for instance. because a rather cis-
tant relative was killed in the war. Or per-
haps the applicant will say that she is first
cousin of an old soldier recently dead, and
that his money allowance from the gov
eminent ought to be paid to her. One
woman recently demanded a pension on
the ground that she had nursed Union
soldier through an attack of smallpox, con-
tracing the disease herself. If that was not
fighting In the war, she thought, 1t came
pretty close to 1t.
All sorts of curious inventions are offered
to the War and Navy Departments. One of
the latest Is for covering a vessel with a
sort of honeycomb armor made of hex
agoEal pockets These pockets are designed
to receive any projectiles which hit the
ship, catching them base ball catche'
takes the ball. How the device would pre-
vent the projectile from piercing is not sat
isfactorily explained. Another plan Is for
protecting vessels with steel chains. Yet
another genius proposes to propel ship by
utilizing the power of the water closing up
after it." The notion is to take in water
through the sides of the vessel and pour it
out at the stern.
There is a popular, though mistaken, no
ton that a rifle bullet in travelling leaves a
vacuum behind IT. If this were true it
would obviously diminish the speed of the
projectile To overcome the imaginary diff
gun barrel. Another new idea is to provide
the helmet to the shoulders. This would
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