The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1894-11-25
A Paresis Club.

At recent meeting OF the young men
about town. FOUNDERS, hard drinkers ana
opium smokers. of Boston, says Town
Topics. 1t was decided to form an Or
ganlzation to be called the Paresis Club.
and the following rules were adopted:
Rule !. This organization shall be
known as the Grand Lodge OF the Pare
sis Club.
Rule q The objects OF the club shall
be the overcrowding of the insane asy-
lums and the dissemination OF sottenlng
Rule 3. No one shall be eligible to
membership who shall show for two
consecutive minutes a semblance to san
ity.
Rule 4. As signs Of sanity. among
others, may be mentioned the follow
ing:
a. Refusing a drink.
b. Going TO bed before daylight.
c. Having money in ones possession
overnight
d. Working. working ones friends
not included).
2. Paying bills.
+. Waking in the morning with a
clear head.
<. Having a home.
h. Observing any OF these rules.
Rule ). Anyone with a clear conscience
Is barred from joining TINS e iuD' also
anyone with a future before him
Rule 6. Meetings OF the club VIII be
| held whenever two members run across
| each other. The order Of business shall
| be as follows: Finding someone who has
money and prevailing upon MN 70 treat
| touching him for all that Is left after
| that; shaking him: spending what he was
| touched for; finding some one else with
| money. and repeating the operation. This
may be repeated ad libltum, or until no
| one else can be found who Is touchable.
Rule 7. After a meeting the members
| shall give themselves up at the nearest
| police station.
Rule s. The club-room will be in any
/ H.. l. r.Nn
| Yided any member Is allowed there. IL
not, some other place must be provided.
Rule g. No lady who has access to
polite society shall be an acquaintance Of
any member OF the club. Soubrettes,
| koutakouta dancers and the like are
preferred friends.
Rule 10. There shall be thrty-three
! degrees OF proficiency in parcels, their
numbers and the qualifications being as
| follows:
| /. lag.
| ?. Chronic jag.
| 3. Shakes.
| 4. Seeing snakes.
3. Seeing things that never existed.
s. Pain at base Of brain.
| !. Inability 10 feel pain.
8. Jumping at noises.
10. Having good credit at stores.
| Ills. Having credit with bartenders.
16. Winning another members girl.
| u. Ability TO shake her.
IS. Ability to eat.
| l9-2o. Ability 10 keep out or jail.
$50. Burying money In the sand.
1913. Asylum.
Rule II. A member hitting the pipe
| shall be raised three degrees
| Rule -. Anyone discovered obeying
any OF these rules shall be considered as
| showing evidence Of sanity and expelled.
| 4 committee of thirteen shall be appoint
! ed for the instigation of crime, besides
! the following subcommittee
Committee for the prevention OF re-
| formation.
Committee for the. destruction of
| homes.
Committee for the running Of charac-
| tiers.
Committee for the suppression OF vir-
| tue.
Committee for the flooring Of truth.
All other members will be obliged 10
| do their worst
| The motto Of the Paresis Club shall
| be: The wheels in our heads grind
| slowly, but we're nutty just the same.
All roads lead TO Lexington"
| The banner will bear the inscription
! Touch one Another"
| The password will be: Placing your
| finger on the place where the brain ought
| 10 be- and saying in rum whisper
! Down with Keeleyi'