The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1894-12-26
MMANUS NEW YEAR.

Mr.. Michael McManus related his
trials and tribulatiOns of last New
Years to a New YORK Herald reporter
He said:
Oh, but | had an awful time of it on
New Years day. | shtarted out in the
mornin to find out fri'nd of mine
from Dingle-one Dinny LeaTy-whO
left the Green Isle several years ago. L
had his directions, an after q short
search found him.
Dinny has become a married man
since he arrived here. He was pleased
to meet me, an he introduced me To
his better half, who was a very in
teresting lady, | must say. She in
sisted that | should have me dinner
with herself an husband. Dinny, il
appears, had won % pound turkey at
a rattle the night before, an they were
g0in to have it for dinner.
She done nothin else hardly but talk
about that turkey, an what an Elegant
fowl il was" am faith, | thought she'd
shtart in an ate the bird up before it
was cooked. Well, she was interrupted
at las, by knock at the door. 1t
seems woman named Mrs. Heaphy,
who lived over the way, sint her
daughter across 70 ask Mrs. Leary to
come over an see the fine specimen Of
fowl she had got for present.
''Shure," says Mrs. Heaphy's daugh-
ter, 'Our turkey looks like an ostrich,
its so big. Why, that's only a spar
row." she went on as she pointed at
Mrs. Leary's bird, which lay on the
table ready to be put into the oven.
"Put that turkey in to roast" yelled
Mrs. Lelry to her husband rs she
slitartcl out to see the size of the other
fowl
Well, after she wint away Dinny
began To deliver lecture on Marriage
Mistake" an he shtrongly advised
me TO beware of HYMN an told me he
was fraud.
S.z he: "My wife is an uniformed
divil. She has my cranium like a regular
geography-all full of hills and noun
tains-an every now an thin she makes
it look more natural by lettin a soup
plate fall down between a couple of
hills m shtartin Il shtream." An,
faith, his head was ali full of Jumps an
schars, an felt very sorry for him.
l., -. H.. trYrf-..- IN 49,,
he wint 20 the closet an removed a
bottle Of something can never forget. |
He thin procured a couple of glasses,
an he sat down, pIacin the bottle an
glasses on the table bechune Us. After
we had a few drinks he began to tell
me more about his wife, Mol Ryan,
which was her name before she got him |
into throuble.
Before we were married. he began, |
81 thought MOll was an angel devoid of |
accoutermints, but after
wedlock | discovered her TO be a sort .
of natural divil. Ye see, my wife Is /
q 'fird0wn' girrul, an every other /
evenin she invites her ChritheTlOugh I
fri'nds to the house, an they sing an |
dance an dhrink the whole night, an,
10 make things more pleasant, they |
bring off a prize fight now an thin
which they appear TO have previously |
arranged.
''Why, the divil a wink could | /
shleep whin We were firsht married, |
the house used TO be so noisy, an now, |
shurc, | am so accustomed to the /
noise that | wint to the country |
lately to see Il fri nd, an staid at his |
place overnight, an, We mightn't be-
Iieve it, but it's thrue, had to get my |
fri nd to keep shootin of cannons be-
fore | began To shiumber."
We kept takia dhrink every once !
in awhile, an Dinny got Il pack OF |
cards, an We began to play forty
fives.
After awhile the cards in my hand I
began to look like one big card, an the /
five of clubs kept changin into the three
of diamonds, thin into the ten of
shpades, an finally the cards began to /!
look like lot of black shpOts on
large piece of white paper, an | had to
give up the game, for | couldn't tell /
one card from another.
D:nny filed me ont another dhrink, ]
an thin he looked ar0Ind an saw the 4
door of the shtovc open, an he got up 4
an closed it all sat or fell down again. /
The room was flyin around me like 1
chain lightnin, an l thought every /
minute one of the chairs would strike 1
me in the face.
Dinny wint TO fill out another
dhrink, but the bottle was Imply. Thin
he cOmminced To sing about couple of
little girruls in blue, bit the divil
word hardly could | understand, for
he was aither thryin to fire all the
words of the song out of him ut once,
or else he had the two shmall girruls 1
insiode in his throat, an they were
fightin wild aich other an STRUGGLING
to get out of him.
remember Mrs. Leary came in an |
began TO tell about Mrs. Heaphy's I
turkey bcin Il miserable lOokin bird, /
not much bigger than chicken, an /
she was as mad rs a March hare at /
Mrs. Heaphy, who had the audacity |
to call her turkey a shparrOw.
Mrs. Leary had brought few fri'nds
in with her, an she began to set the
table for dinner for the crowd. She /
thin comminced to blacSguard Dinny 4
about gettin dhrunk, an she asked him 4
how was the turkey. He said all right, /
an thin she wint to the oven an took /
it out an placed it on platter on the |
table, an thin-holy murder, I'll never /
forget that racket as long rs | live.
Dinny was bawlin, his wife was 1
screamin, her two frinds cleared out, |
the air was full of cups an saucers, an !
she was hollerin at Dinny, "How did I
that get in there ~
| was half asleep durin all this, an | |
collected shtringth enough |
to lift me head an look at the turkey, |
an then / saw the cause of all the |
throuble.
There was big ugly tomcat which |
must have jumped into the oven to eat
the bird Xhin the door WAS ODin an the