The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1894-04-30
MONDAY, APRIL 30, 1894
Wanted a Salvation Drummer.

EDlroR BULLETIN
The p. q. press bears To US the
CLAP tidings that a tempting offer Of
support will be forwarded by the
outgoing steamer to induce the Sal.
ystion Army to send hither detach.
meut of four performers aud big
drum; for the creed Of the prophet
Booth is one.quarter Bible and
three quarters brass trumpet and
performing elephant. General
Booth, the inventor and founda-
tion seer Of the "army." started
on the basis that all the old
seers had failed, because though
the world needed redemption much
il liked a circus more, and therefore
he gathered in the masses by EN-
bodying the circus and the redemp-
tion in one and the same act. He
rose to greatness because he was the
one prophet OF the age who knew
exactly how to run the tabernacle
and the circus in the same contract.
II you were in hurry you could
call in aud be saved in quarter Of
All hour, and large parties were saved
with despatch by contract. Booth
realized that his great Predecessor
was despised and rejected because
He didn't bill" the land Of g Galile.,
and paste his big poster on the bar.
ren sides OF Hermon, and make the
hills OF Judea resound with the
echo OF the Salvation Army drum.
The prophetic end Of Booth may
possibly have risen against the hide
Gus wrong and injustice Of this
world, but the cheap Punch aud
Judy section Of his soul always kept
him from denouncing them, and
thereby he maintained bis popularity
in high places.
When Booth took up the cause OF
the Submerged tenth" Of England,
he did not heaye all the combined
strength Of the army against the
great land monopoly, by which the
legion Of the lost is created and
maintained, aud when he proposed
plan Tor deportiug the obnoxious
residuum Of England TO far.of Aus.
tralia, the cheques Of the wealthy
began to flow into the treasury, aud
the FURNISHED nose Of Booth began
To CLEAN at aristocratic tables aud
his haggard jaws obtained q place
in good society"
The Prophet of Galilee took the
opposite course, aud came To grief
because he denounced the land
grabber OF old Syria instead of gath.
sring in his cheque. The last pro.
phet VI Islam died fighting a hope
less battle in the desert for the same
reason, whereas ii he had been a
Inau Of more discretion he would
have said nothing about national
freedom, but would have softly pass
ed the hat round ia Alexandria aud
become a species OF tame cat about
the back door OF the Khedive's
palace.
1t is safe To say that the project.
ed importation Of q quartet Of saliva.
tionists will be four more added TO
the army Of the p. u. warriors; for
a 7. u. which gets into the "sere
aud yellow leaf Of decay gets there
through effluxion OF time, aud fer.
vency Of appeal TO the God Of hat
ties is the orthodox plan. Also the
performance Of bowling quartet Of
fanatics may be intended To divert
the attention OF the natives from
the political circus which revolv.s
largely behind closed doors.
1t has leaked out that the rscipi-
ents OF the new ID percent dividend
of the missionary family Cyclorama-
hula show have concluded, after
much prayerful consideration, that
the morals OF the royaiists are show
ing signs Of deterioration, and there
fore the presence Of a few how.ing
dervishes and the big drum of the
salvation Army might relieve the
stagnation OF moral tone, and that
the dividend OF dubious morality
should be available for the good
work OF importing the new apostles.
Another suggestion was that the
hltuy iucTe VI tnt uuId snOulu do
devoted to Goldfish and garlic as re-
fresher for the coming election. |
would humbly suggest that the army
detachment be left where they are,
aud the unholy dividend gained by
the exhibition OF moral depravity"
be returned to the American public
10 help in feeding the starving thous-
ands OF California. Moreover, the
army" might learn, il they come to
Honolulu, OF the "hula" mode of
raising the wind, and return to the
coast with the added horror OF the
hula to the present antics of the sal
yationists.
Think Of a score of Salvationist
Miriams doing the hula with the
added charm OF the taInborine. The
Hawaiians would not be in it, and
the Thurstou Cyclorama, hula would
be hoodooed, sure. KUMU 40.
| recommend Chamberlain's Pain
Balm for rheumatism, lame back,
sprains and swellings. There il no