Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-04-12

-DdlldS NoWS.
A MAN who drives away customers:
The cabman. Siftings.
A DIsAaREEABLE Easter affair."
northeaster. Lowell Courier.
THE robber usually attacks train
In tender place. Plain Dealer.
THE Order Of the Garter--@Give me
a yard and half of red silk elastic,
please. Truth.
TIMES must be better when Easter
flowers fling scents in the highways
Philadelphia Becord.
A WOMAN may be very timid, but
she Is never afraid to strike bar
gain.-Glens Falls Republican.
THE clown may be thick-headed,
but he Is usually quick to take
tumble. -Glens Falls Republican.
AsKEM-I thought that Simpsons
fever had gone off Torker-So 1t
did, but Simpson went of with it
Vogue.
WIFE-What are you coming home
for at this time In the morning?
Husband-For brek'fush. Parsons
Weekly.
T. HANGING committee" at art ex-
hibitions is so called because it keeps
the artists in suspense. -Yonkers
| Gazette.
WoMAN's fondness for bargains is
not to her discredit. She loves what
Is cheap as well as what is dear to her.
| PHILADELPHIA Times.
THE boy whose mother goes to
spank him always believes that 1t 10
more blessed to give than to receive.
Florida Times Union.
TEAcHER-"What makes the earth
90 round, Tommy" Tommy =
please I'M, father says bad whisky
will do it."-Raymond's
SPEAKING of capital punishment, 1t
is generally case OF poor execution
when a woman undertakes to hang
wallpaper. buffalo Courier.
SHE-Who is that gruff old man
you just spoke to? He-Oh, he has
something to do with the civil
service. -Yonkers Statesman.
OLD LADY-My friend, are you a
Christian? Beggar-Well, mum, no
one has ever accused me of workin'
on Sunday.-New York Weekly.
NELL-"What are you reading?"
Belle" "A Model Man. It's dread
fully stupid" Nell-"Yes, they
usually are. "-Phlladelphia Record.
LUCY-And you're going to marry
that rich old fellow! Do you realize
what you're doing? Molly-Certain-
ly, coming the seigniorage!-Plain
Dealer.
PAssENaER-"I say, conductor,
there's an old gentleman falling of
the bus" COnductOr-"That's all
right; he's paid his fare. "-Pearson's
Weekly.
"WA'LL, now, If that don't beat all.
I've just been readin' about them
Colorado rainmakers, and now l see
they've got Clearing House in New
York.-Life.
JUDaE-"Have you anything to
offer the Court before sentence is
passed." Prisoner-No, your Honor.
My lawyer took my last shilling. -
Spare Moments
SAND now" said the new secretary,
"yez may all rize, an whin call the
roll livery wan who is prisint may sit
down; all the rist remain sthandin'.
-Elmira Gazette.
WHEN a man loses an umbrella IL
begins to grow on him right away
what a good umbrella that was and
how nicely the handle was fitted to
his hand.-Somerville Journal.
MR. DooLEY-"Gimme a bar of
soap, please" Shopman-"Yes, sir.
Do you want it scented Or unscent-
ed?" DOoley = "Aw-niver moind;
I'll just take it wild me. Brooklyn
Life.
"HIT am one oh de fus' principles
oh jommerty," said Uncle Eben, dat
er man KANT make is life er COM
plete round OBJ pleasure an at de
same time keep it square. Wash
ington Star.
HER ONLY LONGING. Mrs. Norris
Since have been married have
had only one wish ungratifled." Mr..
Norris sand what is that, my
dear?" Mrs. Norris-"That / were
single again. Life.
FIRST YOUNG LADY-Do you al
ways buy two kinds of paper? Sec
ond Young Lady-Always. You see,
when / write to Charlie / use red
paper; that means love. When an
swer Jim's letters i use blue paper,
which means faithful unto death. :
Brooklyn Life.
~BUT, papa" walled the young
woman, ~you can have no idea how
he loves me. He Is willing to die for
me this very minute" ~Well," said
the old man, scratching his head
thoughtfully, Il don't know that ]
have any objection to that. I was
afraid he wanted to marry YOU
lid Bits.
MISTER" said the small, neatl,
dressed boy, @have you seen anythin
Of dog that looked like he was iost?'
mo, my boy" replied the kindly
faced gentleman. .~Are you sure you
aren't lost yourself?" mo, cir. ]
amt sure about not bein' lost Fac,
is, / know I'm lost. But, mister
that dogs lost so much wuss'n / an
that amt got time to think bout
my own troubles Washington Star,