davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
KATIE GOT STRUCK ON THE STAGE

Arrah, Mrs. Ryan, no wondher Dim cryin;
IT'S throuble Dim havin late.
How kin OF be aisy whin Dim almosth druy
| crazy
Along O. me big Daughter Kate?
Sure, the way she is actin is fairly disthractin;
| She's caught the t'eatrical rage.
| As Dim lone wilder, there's no Twin wild her
| Since Katie got sthruck on the stage.
She's at the t'eayter till midnight or later;
| Comes home wild tough lookin beau;
She says he's "supe" in an operay troop
Plat dat is Dim sure Oh don't know.
! He tells her that yet she will be a soubrette,
Though the colleen is not yet av age.
| She will be an actor-Oi've losth me charackter
Since Katie got sthruck on the stage.
! Och, nobody knows how she uses me clothes
A-makin thin into costhooms.
From mornin till night me poor house is sight
| Wild her scene settin in all the rooms.
Her fayther's old britches she outs an she
stitches
To get hersilf up loike a page"
Och, murther, thin pages They drisses out
rageous,
But she says it's sthoyle on the stage.
She schares me to death wild the scenes from
Macbeth
Whin Dim afther a-goin to shleep,
For thin she comes walkin and awfully talkin
Till the chills up me back bone do creep.
She makes such pother wild the "ghost of me
father"
And tells me, "Avaunt, quit her soight!"
Until, saints presarve us, do be thot narvous,
OF can't shleep wink all the noight.
She says she will shine in the very front line
And dance In the calcium's glare,
While all the old beaux in the baldheaded rows
Through their operay glasses will sthare.
She says her new tights is clean out ov sight"
And that she will be "all the rage"
All the girls in our alley are dancing the ballay
Since Katie got sthruck on the stage.
She vance ran away wild an operay boufay;
Got STRANDED In Kalamazoo.
1t took ivry clint had saved for the rnt
To pay her way home-now, that's thruel
But sthil the poor child, she is perfectly wilds
Oh t'ink OF will buy me cage
And lock her up in it till thot blissid minute
Whn Katie gets sick av the stage.
Willard Holcomb in Buffalo Express.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Importance of Two Little Thinps.

1t has often been wondered what be-
comes of the pins that are lost, but it is
hard to say. There are fourteen distinct
operations in making a pin, and lots OF
trouble attached to the process. Pins are
made of brass and then timed and
blanched, and millions of them are manu-
featured daily. AS pin can be used more
than once the number used does not equal
that of matches, but still miles upon miles
of wire is used annually in their manu-.
facture. Like matches, they are little
things and not thought much of, but when
you need pin or a match, and there is
none to be found, then you realize what an
important part they play in daily life.-
Harper's Young People.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
How 1t Was Done,

Won Blumer-Your wife tells me you are
doing the marketing this week.
Witherby-Yes. You see, old man, I've
got the most extravaganza wife you ever
saw don't blame her for it. She can't
help it. Born in her. But it is neverthe-
less a fact, Why, sir, you haven't any idea
how much that woman squanders in butch
ers' bills alone!
Won Blumer-I see. And so you have
taken it into your own hands?
Witherby-Well not altogether We had
dispute about it the other night, in which
l criticised her in mild sort of way. you
understand, and she told me to do the
marketing myself and see how came out.
So this week am buying all the food
Won Blumer-Oh, yesl How are you COM
ing outS
Witherby-Spendidl 1t was just as
expected! Why, sir, it is amazing how
much man can squauder on his table
when he gives his wife full swingl
Won Blumer-And so your market bills
are not so high this week.
Witherby--Not by one-half
Won Blumer refectively) This thing
may be worth looking into. My wife
Witherby Carbohydrates it; that's it
They are all the same! Want me to explain
it to you?
Won Blumer-Yes wish you would.
Witherby Well, come to this restaurant
while | get bite to eat, and I'll tell you
all about it.-Puck.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Her Age.

The youth was waiting in the reception
room for the young lady to come down
stairs when the small brother sauntered in
with the well known nonchalance and
SAVIOR faire which characterizes him in
conversation to while away the time. After
few minutes of general talk the caller
thought he would take advantage of his
opportunities and CLEAN few items of in
formation not otherwise obtainable, so he
went at the boy straight. II say, Johnnie"
he inquired, ''how old is your sister,"
WA Johnnie thought a minute.
WELL" he replied after due deliberation,
Il don't know edzackly, but nav says she
Is old enough to know better than to let a
chap like you come to see her all the time"
Detroit Free Press.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
HE WAS POSTED ON WIGS.
And Likewise Free With Advice Whicl
Was Not Appreciated.

Was Not Appreciated.
A cheerful looking citizen who had a
firm grip on a strap in State street cable
car the other morning leaned down to
speak to a seated but restless passenger
wedged in between two larger men.
"That's a pretty good wig you're wear
ing, mister, " he said in a confidential tone,
"but anybody can see that it's wig
"Sirr'
81 say it's pretty good wig, as wigs
go, and Tn judge of wigs. I've tried
at least dozen of them
''Sir, when | need any of your
"Not on my own head, of course-I new
er had occasion to use anything of the
kind-but my grandmother -
"Confound your grandmother, sir"
''That's what | always used to say. She
was rather hard to get along with. No
body could please her. She didn't seem to
appreciate kindness You'd never get any
thanks from her. She took everything as
matter of course. When she was about
go years old, she took a notion her hair
was too thin, and she must have wig. /
argued with her, but it didn't do any
good. She must have her hair trimmed
short, and must get her wig"--
"I'd like to know, sir what difference
all this makes"--
"What difference? Bless your soul, it
made difference to me of 1865, first and
last had to buy her ever SO many wigs
| in trying to suit her, and when you've
worn wig awhile it's dead stock. Wigs
amt returnable, you know. Finally she
| took notion she'd'be more comforta BILE il
the hair that grew on her head was cut
clear off. To humor her | lathered her
head all over and shaved it as clean and
slick as billiard ball She seemed to like
the feeling of it, and l had to shave her
head regularly once week for a month
or two and then twice week. 1t only
made her hair grow faster and thicker
had to keep buying new wigs for her al
the time too, mind you. This went on fol
year or two. One day | had a fall anC
broke my right arm. l couldn It shave hel
head for six weeks, and she wouldn't lei
anybody else do it. At the end of thai
time she had crop of hair as thick ant
abundant as Paderewski's, only it WASH
as long, you know, and it stuck straigh
up as stiff as prizefighter's. She couldn'
wear any of her wigs. The bristles stucl
up through them like porcupine's quilts
only mention this to show what can b.
zone WIN soap ana u razor. IL you Woult
just throw that wig of yours into the bacl
alley and get some friend with good ra
zor to'--
With snort of rage the other passenge
tore himself loose from his environment
and rushed from the Car.
CHATS all the thanks a man gets 70
trying TO do some fellow being a goo
turn" said the cheerful looking citizen
Strengthening himself up and grabbing an
other strap.-Chicago Tribune.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Milk for Consumptiyes.

Cows in Norway have been credited with
the power of extracting sustenance from
stones which travellers in that country
have seen them licking. A more substan.
tial diet is found for them in the winter in
some parts of the country, where provender
of all kinds is scarce, in the shape of heads
of the Goldfish, which are pounded into a
mash. The milk of cows so fed tastes
strongly of codliver oil and cannot be pleas
ant to drink, yet with all of it's unpleasant
ness it may be very valuable to consump-
tive patients.-New York Telegram.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

"H0oRAY FUR THE VAN tlnued the man, l
DERBILTv put my hands I'M
der my coattails and sort O. sauntered
around and boy hollers, Git onto his
hustle, will yerp l never wore hustle.
You wouldn't take me fur a hustler, would
your"
No"
event into place and paid 5 cents fur
this cigar, and when | came out with it a
kid he shrieks, "Hooray fur the Wander
biltr Took me fur IA millionaire, you know.
Do you think / resemble VanderbltW
VERY slightly"
But don't say anything to the boys It's
all fun, you know, and Pm the durndest
hand fur fun of any man in our county
Hear that2 A boy is yelin, Git onto his
chinp Means my chin, guess, but he's
just in fun. Don't say word to hurt theil
feein's, but let 'em have good time. Hi
-whoop-whishW
And he poked the officer in the short ribs
winked his left eye and tiptoed his way to
ward Jefferson avenue.-Detroit Free Press
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

Aunt Fanny was reading to the children.
The car of Russia had been threatened
with assassination. She explained the sit
great emperor must live in constant dread
of such fate, making little patriotic
sermon in favor of the man who was first
In the hearts Of his countrymen" and end
ing with the quotation, Uneasy lies the
head that wears a crown"
"Oh, Aunt Fanny, do they sleep in 'em"
exclaimed several of the children at once
Detroit Free Press.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

The czarowitz turned at the threshold
by the way, Billy" he said, II want to
thank you for helping along that little love
affair of mine"
The emperor of Germany gestured depre-
catingly.
Don't mention it, old man." he replied.
ms marriage cements the entente cordi-
aie' don't you know, and between you and
me the mortar was beginning to drop out
OF the entente. Factl Thanks, l don't
smoke anything stronger than hemp"
Saying which, the monarch waved aside O
fresh eigar.-Dstroit Tribune.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
A Latter Day Shakespeare.

Professor - We have several special
courses, and the one you are to choose
must depend on the trade or profession you
desire to follow.
Aspiring Youth-My father wants me to
be bridge builder, but should like to DO
a dramatist.
Professor-Very WE'LL take the course Of
mechanical engineering. That will fit you
for both.-Good News.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Young.

"You must be very long lived family"
said gentleman, talking to woman of
90 years, in an institution, who said that
she had a brother and a sister still living,
both older than herself
"Yes. sir" was the reply. "There was
eight of us, sir, and my brother Jimmy
was the only one who died young"
"And how old was her"
"Only 20, sir."-Youth's Companion.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
The Gold Cure. weak Point.

Winkers-The gold cure may be good
thing in its way, but 1t has one insurmount-
able objection. 1t costs money.
Blinkers-The curing of any disease costs
money
Winkers-Of course, but with inebriety 1t
is different. A man never feels the need OF
a cure till his money is all gone.--New York
Weekly.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Self Murder In Hot Weather.

1t has long been matter of observation
that protracted hot spell is ALWAYS
marked by many suicides. The vital forces
run low in hot weather, the brain is fire.
auently affected by the heat, physical
weakness and prostration are common and
life loses many of its attractions. The re.
suit is an increase of suicide, which dimin.
ishes as the temperature falls, the atmos.
phere becomes purified, and vitality, energy
and ambition return. -Indianapolis News
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

Professor Elhu Thomson advises at
tendants about electric lighting or power
apparatus to use dry sand for the purpose
of stopping an arc that has once formed
across the terminals OF burned out fuse
or between the two poles of switch. The
usual method adopted by an operative for
GLOWING out" these wicked looking flashes
caused by the incandescent metal is to at
tack them violently with his hat or a con-
venient piece of cloth.-New York Tels-
gram
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

1t seems singular to have the estab-
lishment of the electric light on Mount
Washington delayed by the lack of
power when the cheapest and freest
force of nature is so plentiful there that
the buildings have to be chained down.
What is tho matter with wind enginei
Manchester IN. ~ Union.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Practice.

"Jack," asked his father, ''are you go
ing into training for school athletics this
Year,"
eyes, sir, replied the unsuspecting boy.
"I'm going to try for the mile race"
swell enough" returned his father. II
have a letter to be mailed, and it's about
a mile to the postoflice and back. Let me
sec what time you can do it in. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Agony.
Tribune.
""V o"HU to
half-Iife.

Agony.
The music ceased; the curtain rose;
did not heed the play,
But gazed upon her lovely face
She sat two seats away.
Her cheeks like tinted apple bloom,
Her teeth like cleaning pearls,
Her eyes as blue as summer skies,
A wealth Of golden curls.
And as gazad upon her face
There came a look of pain.
Like cloudy shadow DER the land
1t passed, then came again.
saw the teardrops in her eyes,
The rose tint fade away,
And that fair cheek grow deathly pale
In speechlcss agony.
She turned and touched her escorts arm,
Then slowly went away.
MY heart beat fast with sympathy;
did not heed the play.
lie soon returned and took his seat:
gazed In great surprise.
tie read the question would ask
flash from my eager eyes.
ANA as the music died away
bis lips this answer bore;
MY sisters feet are number five.
Her shoes are number four"
Boston Globe.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
An Intelligent Animal.

The following is the latest dog story: "a
man owned a dog which always sat at his
feet at dinner and had bone. One day the
diner quitepmitted to give the poor dog his
bone, so after waiting a ..-s va. aud see
ing his master taking his usual nap the
tyke walked demurely into the garden,
plucked flower and brought and placed it
on the ground in front of his master, then
woke up the cruel or forgetful man and
pointed to the little flower 1t was for
getmenot Tit Bits.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Test of Beauty.

Mrs. Upton-Seeing my daughter every
day. never noticed that she was particu-
larly nice looking, but this afternoon !
discovered that she is entrancingly beauti-
full.
Mr.. Upton-Ehs This afternoon
Mrs. Upton-Yes. We entered street
car, and two young gentlemen gave us their
seats. York Weekly.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
The Magic Word.

A company of ladies and gentlemen were
loud in their praise of the conduct of po-
liceman who had stopped a runaway horse.
~ ''Ihat,s nothing to boast of" said Cham
poireau. ~ have stopped more than 10 cab
horses in my time without moving from
the spot"
Really How did you manage it"
Nothing easier. A cab horse bolts, go
and stand on the edge of the pavement and
call out, by the hourp when it at once
drops into crawl."-Gaulois.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
A Woman of the World.

Mr.. Verarich-Do not-do not answer
hastily. will give you time to reflect il
you wish.
Miss Beauti-It won't take long. How
many clubs do you belong tor
"Well-er-fve or six, but"-
'Then l will be your wife. l probably
will not see you often enough to Natter
New York Weekly.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Hard to Please.

Wifs lat the breakfast table)-You are
without exception the most obstinate, Ill
tempered man l ever sawi
Husband-Why, my dear, what can you
meant
Wife Cbreaking down)-Just because the
eoffee happens to be vile for once you de-
clare that it Is all righti-Truth.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
A Noble Aim.

Parker-Poor old Brownley! He's become
insane, hear, working at that telephone
invention.
Barker-W hat was he trying to INVENT
Parker-A device for preventing people
from calling you up when you don't want
to talk with them. Puck.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

No inconsiderable number of minutes had
heightened into hours.
"Canst thou not hear
His hands were clasped upon his breast.
1.-THE beating of the heart that"--
Something in her manner babe him
pause.
mo" she said. "Beefsteak, not heart.
Sure thing"
Almost as she spoke cold, gray dawn
broke.-Detroit Tribune.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
A Mint.

How is it that you make so much money
out of that slot machine2 1t claims to tell
the correct age, doesn't its"
Proprietor-Yes, but I've had it fixed so
it misses 1t by 10 years every time.-Chi-
cago Inter Ocean.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

yellS, UlC u laJn
to measure his
hoofsp Meant my
feet, you know
but he was way off.
You kin measure
either of 'em with
a two foot rule.
Boys around here
are chuckful o.
fun, chr"
Yes. / find 'em
So"
"And saw" con.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

Bingo-I got out lot of my last sum
mer's underwear the other day.
Kingley-What did you do that fori
Bingp-I had the earache. -Clothier
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
A Case of Necessity.

The Stop Gap Hostess Ito Brown, who
has been suddenly invited at the last mo
ment to make Il fourteenth)-Oh it's so
good of you to come! We should never
have asked you if we hadn't been obliged
Punch.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

Hello, Kiljordanl Been buying a new
overcoat?'
mo. Don't give it away, Shadbolt, but
it's my old chinchilla. l paid barber 80
cents to run his clippers over it."-Chicago
Tribune.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
Explaining It.

Small Boy Ito mamma, tucking his sister
in bed)-Tuck in my footses, too, mamma,
Small Sister (severely)-You mustn't say
"footses," you must say feet. One feet Is
foot, and two footses is feet.-Life.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
1T WAS ALL FUN.
And the Kind Old Man Was just the One
For Fun, You Know.

He was man about As years of age. He
bad on blue wooden shirt, his pants were
tucked into his bootlegs, and his gait was
that of man walking over plowed ground.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

better in my life and am AS happy as
yearlin turkey. I'm just havin fun with
the boys
what boys?"
Down by the depot l just come in on
the train. Hadn't hardly got off before one
of the boys yelled out Git onto the gov
ernorp Took me fur the governor of Mich
igan, you seel Keep quietl hain't the
governor, but it won't do no hurt to let 'em
think so. Would you have taken me fur
the governor2'
Hardly ever" replied the officer, with a
broad smile.
mo, perhaps not. / was luggn my
satchel over to the hotel when somebody
hollered, Git onto that foldin bedp Purity
good, wasn't it2 Did they mean me or the
satchel?"
IT'S hard to tell"
81 stood on the corner lookin around to
see whether l was lost or not when boy
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

Thirty three Partisan physicians ad
yocate the use of the bicycle " women,
and ten are opposed to it. The forty
thee are the most eminent practition-
ers in France.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15
A Irregular" Dinner.

Impatient Guest-Confound your black
skinl Isn't that dinner cooked yeti
Waiter (unconsciously)-It was cooked
yesterday, boss, but it takes little time to
warm it up.-Truth.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

As he sallntered
up Brush street he
met a policeman,
and as he blocked
the officers way he
whispered:
Hush ! Keep
quietl Don't give
me away
I" w hats the
matter with your
demanded the Of
ficer.
"Nothin the at
ter wit h me-noth-
in tall Never felt
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-11-15

An Indignant Woman. q Polite saiesman
and n Damaged Umbrella.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1894-02-10

claim, at the expense of the pro-
lncers of what they claim to be
raw materials, such as ore, lumber
and wools "Forbid 1t Almighty
Cod" Is it right to force by law
one-halfsof thegpeople who repre-
sent these great Industries to pay
enhanced prices to manufacturers,
while the producers are to furnish
these manufacturers ,,gat English
prices, the very materials on which
their success and prosperity de-
pend9 Away, with such equity,
such justice and such legislation.
The Wilson bill is full of this
kind OF fniquity. The very found
alton principles of a tariff for rev.
euue are ignored and in their place
are favoritism, sectionalism and
unrighteous discrimination.
We havenot so Judged the Dem.
ocrstic party, and we do not so now
Judge the Democratic party. We
expect better things OF 1t, and they
will come before the life of this
Congress expires. The Democracy
will not be driven into the corrals
of the Populist, or rounded up with
tn EN- for slaughter by Republicans
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1894-02-10

article or thing imported into the
United States from foreign coun-
try there shall be levied and col
lected an import duty of 39 per
cent. ad valorem excepting only
gold and silver in bars or coins and
the goods of foreign ministers du.
ly accredited to the United Stotes.
2. Whenever the aggregate rev.
enue derived from such impost du-
ties shall exceed $S3,000,O0 the eX-
penses of the Government, econom-
ically administered, the President
of the United States shall he au-
thorizei to reduce by proclamation
the rate of duties thereafter from 33
to 80 per cent. the same to take ef-
feet at the close of the next fiscal
year, after such proclamation.
8 This act shall take effect at
the beginning of the next fiscal
year after its passage.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1894-02-10
so Worlds Fair Views
Free.

Tie Poultry Keeper has reached
the front as the leading authority
on poultry. Sixteen large pages,
monthly, fifty cents per annum.
"Farm and Fireside" is a 12-page
PAPER coming twice month, fifty
cents per annum. We will send
both pa pers one year and fifty pho
tographic views Of the Worlds
Fair, to new subscribers only, for
fifty cents. Send five cents for
either of the following back num-
bers equal to u 25-cent book: Poul-
try Houses, July 1891, has so views,
Brooders and Incubators, August
1889 and august 1891. Address
The Poultry Keeper Co., Parkers-
burg, Pa.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1894-02-10

THE kind of a man who helps
make city prosperous is he who
talks up its advantages and does
not give it a dig at every point that
happens to be vulnerable; the man
who invests his money in home en-
terprises, where he has made it;
the man who trades with his home
tradesmen, even if he cannot get
an article quite so cheap-and he
generally can. The man who helps
the town along is the man who
takes his home paper, and, if he is
a merchant, advertises in it; he is
the man who buys home supplies
of every kind; does not talk about
his neighbor being in tight pinch.
In fact the man who makes the
town prosperous is the man who
stands up for it in every way shape
and form.-Ex.