Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-15

| L two dollars and a
SA[ half express to pay
on it first, and I've
| spent my last dollar"
Mrs. Jejune-''Too bad! I'll have to use
| the money / had kept for flowers for our
| Christmas dinner. But never mind! This
| is evidently picture, and a picture is a
| permanent possession, which flowers are
not" Runs and fumbles in drawer. re-
turning with the money!
| Mrs. Jejune- Here 1T isl Do hurry,
Jack. and bring the hammer with your
| exit Mr.. Jejune, with money; re-enter-
| ing with hammer and large screwdriver)
Mrs. Jejune Qeaning over box. while Mr..
Jejune kreels and begins to operate)-"Oh,
| how 1 am gloating over the possibilities of
| this box! 1 hope it will turn out to be an
| exquisite Alexander Harrison, or a dark,
| mysterious Cazornr'
Mr.. Jejune (hammering)-'From the
| weight and size, l think it must be a sec
ton of the frieze Of the Parthenon! What
| l should like would be a fetching etching!'
Mrs. Jejune-'Make haste! 1 can't bear
| this suspense another m ment!'
(Mr. Jejune prizes up the top, and Mrs.
| Jejune jerks off the papers. Then they
| both draw out a picture, done in oils, rep
resenting woman's figure, looking into a
pool of water)
| Mrs. Jejune with acute reproach)-"Oh,
who could have been cruel enough to send
| us this dreadful picture? How absolutely
| monstrous? Is that pond with those big
| bumps rn 1t intended for waves"
Mr.. Jejune Qaughing)-"Yes, Min, think
those are meant for breakers and pillows;
| but they look like holsters and pillowsr'
| Mrs. Jejune-"Well, whatever it is, water
| it Is not! Perhaps it's an advertisement
of the mud baths at Schwallingbad, where
| mamma went last summer"
| Z. Jeiune-'NO L
| domestic manufacture. Shed been less lynn
phatic. poor thing, after suffering sea
| change"
| Mrs. Jejune-"O, Jack, a voyage around
| the world would do her no good. Do you
| see that one leg is shorter than the other
| Lymphatic did you say? Emphatic limp
would be nearer to the mark" Rummages
| through the papers ard finds a lettel
| which she opens and reads aloud:
| Dear Min: l send you with this tho
| first painting in oils, of a young girl who
| has never taken lesson in her life. i am
| sure you will be glad to have this first
| effort, not only for its own sake but also
| because it is by the sale of these studies
| that this girl makes her living. The pic
| ture is called The Mirror of Venus / am
| sure you will agree with me that my pro-
| tege has decided talent.
| With the compliments of the season,
| yours ever,
| "MARGARET CALABASH."
while Mrs. Jejune has been reading the
| letter. Mr.. Jejune has placed the picture on
| sofa, and they both step back and take
| attitudes of observatory
| Mrs. Jejune-'O, Jack, it's perfectly
| awful disappointment"
| Mr.. Jejune-"It's too bad Min, but really
| you deserve punishment for your fatal IA
| cility for friendship. You go around max
| ing yourself fascinating that people
| can't resist loading you with artistic i'm
| pedimenta, to express their affection"
| Mrs. Jejune-"O, don't jeer a. one now.
| 1 can't stand it. 1 feel like swearing eter-
| n a tn Dish in lie he he
| suit. Do you suppose there are women
| anywhere who look like that Venus? It's
| just like Margaret Calabash with her fine
frenzy for the promotion of retarded
| genius"
Mr.. Jejune-'What are you going to say
| to Miss Calabssh?
Mrs. Jejune-"Heaven knows! 1 wish
| could say my thoughts! She is a type of
| that increasing nuisance, the affluent wo-
| man who is full of theories and eternally
| doing generous deeds largely at other
peoples EXPENSE! With her usual mag
| unanimous enthusiasm, she imposes this
| horrible thing on us, which not only swears
! at everything we have. but positively
| blackguards themH'
| trcduce bill in the legislature making 1t
| penitentiary ofrense to send a useless
| Christmas present. Every year we go
| through with the same hideous influx If
| We put en- evidence all the ugly things that
| are given to us. what would our house be l.?
| 1t would be a cross between a Junk shop
| and an object lesson in Philistinism! AS
! for this picture, it beats Aunt Martha s
| hand-painted Screenv'
| Mrs. Jejune-"That foreigner they told
us of in Washington, who got an invitation
| to a wedding, with Present at the door
| and who wrote to ask what sort of present
| was desired, ought to be the pioneer cru
| sader for the Christmas cross Think of
| the thousands who are grooming over their
| presents todayi'
| Mr.. Jejune-"The practical question that
| Is before us now is what to do with this
| picture. We can't hang it!'
| Mrs. Jejune-"No; hanging is too good for
| IL! I've been pnndering. We haven't got a
thing for Aunt Maria yet. Suppose we
| send II to her.
Mr.. Jejune-"But doesn't she know Miss
| Mrs Jejune-''So she does! l forgot that.
Jack, l have It! Let's pay our doctors bill
| with it!'
Mr. Jejune-"HowY What? I don't
| understand"
Mrs. JeJune--"O, don't you know that
| that dear old Dr. Pulp wouldn't send any
bill when you had the grip? Let's square
| up the account and send him this! He'd
| be sure to like it. 1 am certain he does
| not know an original Raphael from a
chromo' and the frame is gorgeousr
| be quite the"
| Mrs Jejune-"O, you just leave that IN
me. You go OF now and dress for the din
ner at the Russeifs, and Bridget will nail
| up the picture l will write him the most
| bewitching little note, and we can leave ~
ourselves tonight. Two deeds with but a
| single cab fareI' ~ ="
| Qcxeunt)
| SCENE H.
(Office Of DR.. Pulp, the doctor STANDING
| before the picture. Box, papers, etc. on
| the floor. WV VII
| DIR. Pulp-"Here's a new patient. with n
vengeance! Those dear young Jeiunes
may be judges Of picture frames. but they
certainly know nothing of pictures and the
| human frame. This is a joke! To send a
| surgeon of my standing this deformed
human mannikin! Why,I couldn't be in the
| room with this woman half an hour with
out performing a surgical operation upon
| her! Let me make a note Of her case
| Medulla rigid, lateral curvature, chronic
ascites and general marasmus! Poor thing
poor thing! Shed keep a regiment OF
| specialists busy for a month! But what
| on earth can l do with her? Keep her in
| the house I cannot. Let me see, There
are lot Of people 1 ought to send Christ
mas presents to! Morton always sends me
| some useless rubbish at this time and I'd
like to pass on this ambulent diorama of
disease to him! But l believe he belongs
to Jejune's club, and he might go to his
| house! All! I've got 1t. There are the