The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-02-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
"Why do you call your father in
law Silence Markham" 'Because
he gave consent. Truth.
1t is impossible to have the last
word with chemist, because he al
ways has a retort Boston Courier.
pretty is as pretty does"
Is an honored saw;
But it's one for which the girls
Do not care a straw.
Kansas City Journal.
''She is the girl of the period"
"Well, l thought it was about time
for her to come to n full stop. Boston
Gazette.
"Come to stay?" asked the fish.
"Oh, no" said the worm. Just
dropped in for bite. ''--Indianapolis
Journal.
A man who unconsciously does much
TO sour the milk of human kindness, is
that fellow who snores in sleeping
car RAMS Horn.
"Did you say, Aunt Sarah, that your
nephew was studying theology!
eyes, he's a bibulous student. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
She (reading)-'Bells are now made
of steel in this country" He Yes;
but the finest ones are made of silk
and satin. Detroit Free Press.
Sarah "She's worth a million, and
Just the right age for you.S Jerry
"Any girl worth million is the right
age for me. Detroit Free Press.
Not till twenty-five will women
| Vote or for office run
| Why? Because she will not sooner
| Own that she is twenty-one.
kansas City Journal.
Wibble--"The fellow that invented
the pneumatic tire got on to soft
thing, didn't he?" Wabblo-So do
the fellows who use it. ."-Indianapolis
journal.
Jobbers (unhappily mated)-'1
wonder if all men who get married
lead lives of endless torture?" Enpeck
(bitterly)-"Oh, no. Some of them
die. Chicago Record.
Clara-"Us girls are getting up a
secret society" George-"What's
the object?" Clara--'I don't know
yet. but I'll tell you all about it after
I'm initiated Good News.
Teacher" "Can any of you tell me
what is meant by home industries?' "
Billy Bright (promptly)-"Up to our
house they're mostly sawin' wood an
carryin in coal. Buffalo Courier.
"Cholly inherited good deal Of
moMey from his parents" a" eyes. But
not much in the way of brains. ="
"Thats true They left him all dol
lars and no sense. Washington Star.
Caller--'Is Miss Sweete at homer
Servant-''No, Sir. =" Caller--"Please
tell her 1 called Don't forget, will
you?" Servant-''No, sir; I'll go
and tell her this minute. It'd Bits.
'Tis now the prudent mother,
Lets her children wildly rove
Lest they hear their father talking
When he's putting up the stove,
Atlanta journal,
Mr.. Westerly--'I dreamed about
YOU last night, Miss Wolcott" Miss
Wolcott (languidly y)-'Did you really?
Well, I'm glad to hear that you have
pleasant dreams. "-Somerville jour
nal.
House Owner How does yom
furnace work this weather." Tenant
THE exercise of raking il keeps me
warm enough, but the other members
of the family complain. New York
Weekly.
Professor" "And now, my boy.
what is your ambition in hfe--the
law, the ministry, politics. science
Johnny: EFF l can't be captain ]
wanter be halfback - Cleveland Plain
Dealer
Friend-"I don't see how, on your
income, You manage to winter IN
Florida and summer IN Maine. -
Sharpp forget that by that
plan l dodge both coal and ice bills
New York Weekly.
Yeast - wouldn't believe a man
who goes about proclaiming every
thing from the huuse-top.' Crimson
heak "Why, ! should think you
would consider that high authority.
-Honkers Statesman
"What ON earth did your uncl,
mean by marrying that old, dried-uI
thing?' "Well, you see, he's beer
collector of curios and rica-brac Sc
long that the habit was too strong tC
resist. Atlanta Constitution.
''Hullo, Chimmy. Is dey any more
good books in de Young Terrors
libery?' IL dunno, hut | hear tel
abo 1t II story 10y George Eliot wha
dey call Daniel lie Rounder.
Shouldn't wonder if Dat might b,
pretty good. o. Brooklyn Eagle.
Algy Softleigh Would you weally
wecommend person, me for in
stance, to-aw-think twice befor,
speaking .once?' Miss Burlington
'Why. no, Mr.. Softleigh lou dou'
deem M SO cruel Rs 10 want 70 strik'