Birmingham age-herald., 1894-12-27
BUCKS NEW CLOTHES

Fifteen years have passed since John C.. Buck and 1 published The Allen County Eye at Scottdnle, Ky.
 Tho Eye was small sheet and wns printed on press that took an impression with loud slap. All the announcements that our paper uttered were strong, for it required but few flaps of our press to turn tho hair lines of light faced type into tho black swipos of boldest exclamation.
 We lived in the of1ice-cost us no rent, as it was believed to ho haunted-and took OFT meals wherever WIG happened to find them
 We had been running along Tor several months when ono night, as Buck and I lay on the floor smoking, he turned to me and saiG
 'I am i'll love-"
 "What!" 1 exclaimed.
 ''I am in love, say. Give me match.
 He rclighted his pipe puffed awhile and continued:
 Finest looking woman you ever saw fat, weighs about twice Us much as do, but she's beautiful Never met her until day before yesterday. Went down to tho bluff after bucket of water. She and old Hillard's wife were sitting near the spring, eating q lunch. asked them if they didn't want somo water. Girl said she did. Handed her q gourdful sat down beside her. Won't you have some lunchS' she asked. Well, rather. nibblcd her cheese and crunched her crackers and snatched the meat off the leg of a chicken. l found out ername-Miss Cregg-lIelen, atthat. have met her several times since then. She gave me poem for The Eye. We'll print it, though it's tough. Now, don't object. Wo'll print Ter matter now, and if we are ever married I'll choke her off. Got an appointment with her tomorrow. She lives ten miles out in the country, but lover can walk that distance without any trouble.
 went out into the country, and upon returning, after stop of several days Buck told me that he was engaged.
 This is nonsense" said l.
 How sof'+ he asked in surprise.
 "Why, you have got nothing to get married on. "
 "Get married on credit" said he
 That's all very well, but you've got no clothes, and there's not man in town would credit you with n suit"
 "Oh the question of suit of clothes is settled. The county clerk will give $10 for printing the delinquent tax list, and with that amount of money I can get q first class outfit went down to see the proprietor of tho woolcn mill, and he told me that for S5 he would sell me enough jeans to answer my modest purposes
 went with him. The jeans was of a yellowish cast and was woven in ribs that were almost as coarse as gridiron, and, still worse, it was greasy and smelled like a wet dog
 ITa xl. tho goods to a tailor. Tho old fellow turned away and held his nose when it was unrolled.
 m take 'em," tho tailor said, "but you must have the cloth shrunk first"
 That's all right. Let me put them on, and they may shrink until they get tired Push the work on as fast as you can, for an exceedingly important event depends on these clothes. I'll be around to try them on tomorrow.
 Early one cold but beautiful morning wo hired a shackly old hack and set out for tho residence of the brides father. A drug clerk had given us box of cigars, and onward VIC went gayly smoking.
 think that they were the worst cigars I have ever seen. They burned like a piece or hickory, antr when we attempted to knock off the ashes it was rare that the cigar escaped being broken in two.
 Buck, you are sure the girl loves youP' I asked.
 ''Of course am. Do you reckon she's marrying me for monoyP"
 You are not going to compel her to sleep in the office, are you?'
 "No; she'll stay with Mrs.-forget the name-until can sorter fix up little".
 But suppose you do not succeed in fix ing upP"
 Well, then she'll either have to stay with Mrs Slouch or go back home. What the deuce is that odor? Whew! 1 never smelled anything as bad It almost takes my breath.
 Its your clothes," I answered.
 Why do you persist in making fun of my war,lrobeP From the very first you have spoken ungcnerously of these gar ments. You have not only spoken i'll of their appearance, but have slandered them by declaring that they smell bad. AS a sin gle and consequently thoughtless man I could bear insults, but as married man --as man who feels the responsibilities of life-I must protest against continu ancc of indignities. By George, what is it that smells so9''
 Just then Buck lifted the blanket and a volume of smoke rolled out We stopped the horses and jumped out of the hack
 Tho tails of Bucks coat were burned of, having caught from one of our nick ory cigars.
 What ought to do-junp in the creek or bury myself?'
 There was in my mind a sharp fight be- twoen tho ludicrous and the sympathetic, but finally pity bade the ludicrous lie down.
 Ut is unfortunate. said I, but not fatal. It is but little farther to the house of your father in law
 Stop" he said, holding up his hand " Enough Speak not of wives nor of ia thers law. Get in, and we will go back to town. Farewell, vain nmbition," he continued, waving his hand, '.farewelll' -Opie Read in Banner of Gold