The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-20
A MsI1 10 IHe DENTIST.
H. Great Fau n You only Take II In tho
Right spirit.


It's great fun 20 go 90 ones dentist. In
tho first place. one l. always too late or too
early, for u Is absolutely without the pale
Of human possibility n be- on hand prompt
~ on such an occasion
II ono BE- early, the wieider n the forceps
glares with ill concealed intimation that
You are nn intruder II you be late. you
are informed with subtle. chilly politeness
that the Lost time will be included IN the
bill. And the bill We merciful powers,
the bllli OF course a. Is courteously with
held TIL the entire work s. finished, but e
bangles over your hend till you never, even
in the worst attacks Of nightmare. dared
think Of 10 haunting a sword % Damocles.
But TO return. The chair, 20 begin with,
a. IL Is wound up, raises in your trembling
soul all sorts 81 memories ~ torture ma
chimes. The immaculate towel next pinned
deity under your chin goes far 10 dissent
nate what little courage you may have left
In the remote ends OF your anatomy. and
when your head Is finally tilted back az an
Impossible angle, . The dentist begins
picking over tho t-ay Of pouges. saws, files,
screws, skewors and ohiscls. you give one
frantic gasp 81 terror. relax your tenscly
drawn muscles and make an unconditional
surrender
The operator smiles blendly, picks up a
cold steel punch Gs though IL were fairy 3
wand and proceeds to search for the sus.
pected cavity. lie succeeds. He doesn't
leave the least dOnbt Of IL.
The assistant is a fixture in all dentists
Offices. She Invariably eats onions, a. you'll
no doubt leArn after she has bent over you
in tender sympathy for 10 minutes, and her
hands she frequently thrusts into your
mouth, in addition TO all the DOCTORS In.
gers and several heavy Instruments. The
assistant has also acquired that CHASTITY re-
assuring smile Of her employer. which
shows itself more and more broadly as the
cause for Grinning grows more aud more
remote.
Another objectionable trnit Of the festive
dentist Is his proneuess to pun, and his
stock in trade is used hour after hour, day
after day year after year. with the same
unvarying smile, 20 give IL the semblance
Of freshness. When one comes to mediate
upon il, there is something almost admira.
bic in the heroic way in which the operator
endeavors to entertain each patient in turn
with the selfsame jokes. He never fails ID
clap both hands, six files and a rubber dam,
the latter words being conveniently revorsi-
bic, into ones mouth, too, just when he has
perpetrated his strongest pun, so that the
poor patient can only squirm and glare in
reply. A deaf and dumb dentist, one war
ranted to con1ne his attempts at torture 10
muscular exertion alone, would soon be 50
popular that his success would he equaled
only by that Of the tonsorial artist afflicted
I'm the same manner
After a couple Of hours Of filing, till ev-
cry nolar. canine and incisor feels very
sharp. and one side of your mouth is a full
inch nearer your ear than il ought 10 be,
and your hair IS on end, and your collar IS
under your ear, you are finally released, but
only with the comforting remark, "All
your teeth need immediate attention"
You ransack what is left Of your brain 10
recall how many teeth the physiology used
to state were in your possession, and You
waver out and down TO the street with
ideas Of making your will before you set in
on the whole 81, while the bland young
man up stairs casts a sickly smile of con.
graduation toward his sympathetic assist.
ant a. she ushers in the next victim.-Chi.
eago Record.