Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-06-04
JUST FOR FUN.


wants to lib sinners and die Christians.
Sunday School Teacher-What are
the heathens? Bright Boy-Heathens
are people wot don't quarrel over re-
ligion.
Jillson says he has noticed that
some men are a great deal like rivers.
When their heads are swelled you
realize it from their mouths.
hear you have been sick. Yes,
I've been sick-very sick. Had brain
fever, and right in my head too-the
worst place could have it.
There is a young man in Troy so
careful that in calling on his girl he
always knocks, for fear if he came
with a ring she might consider it a
proposal.
The trouble with not a few men
lies in the fact that they have a
tongue which runs fifteen knots an
hour and a brain that moves at the
rate of only ten knots.
ssThis is so sudden" she said, blush
ing at the tender question. II know
it,'' he responded CALAMITY; II never
should have done it if [ had taken
time to think about it,"
Few people, said the wife, as she
proceeded to investigate her hus-
bands pockets after he had gone to
sleep-few people are aware OF what
wife has to go through.
Brown-Well, old man, now you've
been married six months, what do
YOU think Of welded bliss? Jones
Why, old boy,I gave up thinking Tor
myself some five months ago.
The following was posted upon
pleasure boat: 1.-The chairs in the
cabin are for the ladies. Gentleman
are requested not to make use of
them till the ladies are seated"
money causes all the trouble in
the world!" yelled the Socialist. And
the meek little man in the back row
remarked that "there were an awful
lot of people looking for trouble"
GLOW do you know that DeVere is
not in love with Mabel Sweetbrier?
uRecause heard him tell her the other
evening, when they came from
church, that he knew Of short cut
! hOme.''
"Tommy, said thoughtful mother,
"vour Uncle William may be here to
dinner to- day and you must wash
vour face'. Eyes, ma, "said the thrifty
Thomas; "but sposen he don't come
What then?''
Mothcr-To think that my little
Ethel should have spoken so impertl-
nently to papa day at dinner! She
never hears me talk that way to him.
Ethel (stoutly) Well, but you chose
him and [ didn't.
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Miss Breezy-Oh, what delicious
dr. ans of bonnets they are going to
wear this summer! And I know just
what want! l have it all in my mind
now! Miss Curtly-My! Are they SO
awfully small then?
ssDo you Think said Willie Wash
ington, CHAT it actually hurts a man
to be hit with one of those cupid ar
rows?n sNo," replied Belle Pepper
ton. Gas a rule he merely becomes
senseless for time"
Little Edith was saying her prayers.
She asked that the Lord would make
her a good girl, which was quite IN
line with mammals instructions, but
il rather astonished mamma when
Edith added, and I'll do as much for
you?
"Mamma,'' said Johnny, "pa took
me to the theatre this afternoon and
thew had a band there, and there was
a man on high stool who kept shak
inc a stick at the musicians, as though
he was awful mad with them, but L
couldn't see why. They seemed to
do first-rate."
An Irish landlord, the owner OF
some historical ruins, was recently
appealed to by the society for the
protection of ancient monuments to
prevent their destruction by careless
tourists. He at once ordered that a
wall should be built around them.
Upon his return to Ireland he was as
tonished to find that, though the wall
had been completed, the ruins had
disappeared. They had used One