The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-07-20

HI. QuaEglas Comes Back From the Edge oa
the Grave.


the Grave
Mr. Quaggles declared he felt extremely
III He didn't know what was the matter
with him, but he graphically said that nc
was at deaths door and could hear the han
die being turned the other side to give him
adnaittance- Nj QuagGles wouldn't see
doctor. He had peculiar aversion to doc
tors, especially to their bills. Some people
were unkind enough to say that Mr.. Quag-
giles put on" his illness.
One day Mrs. QUagales found little
pamphlet which had been thrust under the
front door that had been issued by firm
OF patent medicine vendors, wherein the
symptoms OF various ailments were mi
nutely described. After perusinR it she took
it TO her husband and said:
Thomas, you can find out what is the
matter with you by reading this little
book
Reading thatY' exclaimed Mr.. Quass
giles couteunptUously. why, my symp-
toms wouldn't 70 in few pages like that
IL would take three volumes to describe
en- However" he added. you can read
some symptoms to me. Jemima. / don't
feel equal co doing it myself, - and he leaned
back in his armchair, signing heavily. My
gracious, do feel badI' he mOaned.
So Mrs QuGRgIes began:
= Pain in back and under shoulder blades:
frequent headaches. principally over eyes -
That's nner' groaned Mr.. QuagRles.
Yes, that's you, Thomas assented Mrs.
Quaggles and went on, :. Depressed and
languid feeling; burning of the palms OF
the hands and soles Of the feet.'''
Me again. You could cook steak on
NINE" declared Mr.. QuAggles.
Aversion to physical exercise That's
you, Thomas" declared his wife. You're
frightfully lazy"
mo, no, JeDa ina; that's not me- dissent
ed the invalid. I'm not a bit lazy, only
my poor, feeble body won let me take any
exercise Go on, -Temima- Your voice puts
me IN mind of the Dead March In SAUL
8 Unpleasant Dreams F." continued Mrs.
Quaggles.
Rather! Why. have such awful dreams
that L believe they lift some of the hair of
my head every night That's why I'm get
ting SO bald" he said naournfully. ''Oh,
denly started out of his chair and Irasped
the sop Of his head.
w hEteve1's the matter, Thomas?'' asked
his wife alarmedly.
why. had a pain shoot right up from
my big toe to the top Of my head"
Coed gracious, what long paini'' ex-
claimed Mrs. Quaggles- You're over six
feet you know, Thomasy
Yes, and it air finished yet. It keeps
coilinR round and round my head" groan-
ed Mr.. f2uaggles. Doesn't it give that
symptom, Jenlimaf"
NO. I can't find anything about the sea
SERPENT" giggled Mrs. Quagg1es- That's
what you must have inside you"
'Jeniima." said her husband reproach-
fully, lis this time for heartless Ievity,
when here / with one foot in the grave
and the other one slipping down the side of
it? What do all these terrible symptoms
point to? Is my heart fsoing to drop to
pieces, are my lungs going to burst, or
what?''
Liver, Thornasl It's your liver that's
wrong, so fur as / can make OUT
''Ah, / thought sol That's why I can't
eat. There's no room for food in me The
space is all occupied by my liver. 1t has,
50 10 say, taken the whole house instead Of
living in one apartment, as it ought to do.
I tell you, Jemima, I've got enough liver to
go with a side of bacon, and then there
would be some left to eat cold alone. I'm
doomed, dear I'll make my will at once.
though it is bat littla / have to leave. You
had better go round e The undertaken and
get All estimate for a funeral-a plain one,
you know-and'-
There was a tap at the door, and the serv-
ant entered with letter for her master
Mr. QuaReles took it languidly. but had
only read a few words when he jumped up
and began to execute war dance.
What's the matter, Thomas? Is il that
long pain againf'' anxiously inquired Mrs.
Quaggles.
mo. mol What do you think? Poor old
Uncle James sdead and has left me "a, O0Or'
You don't mean to say SOP How good
OF him to die-L mean to leave you e5, 0C0i
But. Thomas, what a pity it has arrived too
latel''
ARRIVED too iAtei What do you mean.
Jemlmas"
why. amt you Just going to die. Thorn
asf"
II don't know that 1 am. can change
my mind if 1 like. can't IS' asked Mr.. Quag-
giles somewhat indignantly
But how can you possible live with that
awful liver of yo1rs?" persisted his wife.
Liver be hanged exclaimed Mr.. Quag-
gles- If Is eco won t cure it. il isn't worthy
to be called a liver. I tell you, Jemima.
Pm-45. 0O0-goina to-fancy. 25,0o0-get
well right away WhOOpi Five thousand
poundsI'
And strange to say-or perhaps not strange
to say-Adr. QuagSles recovered with mar
Vicious rapidiUy. He is now one of the health
lest and happiest men in the United King
dom. Even that long pain has gonel-
Tit-Bits.