The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1894-07-20
A GAME or Ball.

A GAME or BALL.
- The printers played againt the law
yers at the Fair Grounds Tuesday.
And the score was 81 to Is in favor
of the Printers! -. "a.
And IL would have been 100 to moth
ing If the printers had tried.
r. You ought to have seen those law
yers trying to play ball! In the first
place they couldn't hit anything.
That tribe of Hottentots couldn't hit
themselves with a hoe handle If they
stepped on the blade of the hoe. They
couldn't hit the ground If they fell out
of q tree. Once ia awhile the print.
pitcher threw the ball against their
bat; but they didn't hit it any more
than the calf hit Eddie Merchant
with his bicycle the other day.
And they couldn't throw either.
We don't believe there was man on
the nine who could throw six If there
wasn't anything else on the "bones."
And you ought to have seen them
try to run! Why they couldn't run
their face for q bottle OF Pop at john
ME Richardson's refreshment stand.
And catch! Why, people, that
flock Of pelicans couldn't catch the
small pox II they slept with 1t!
OF course it sometimes happened,
by indulgence, that lawyer got a
base. And when he did get 1t he
hung to 1t a. IL it were fee in a chan.
Gerry case. He hung to 1t like large
red.head jag hangs to lamp post
over in Missouri.
And strange to say they couldn't
even steal . base. One would think
that would have come natural to them.
But It didn't. They couldn't have
stolen base If there had been an
eclipse of the sun.
They talked . good deal about
curves before the game began. But,
Great Caesar, when the time came
they couldn't tell an inshoot from a
motion to adjourn, and drop curve
filled them with amazement and hor.
rOr.
The only thing those cormorants
could do was kick. Bennett kicked
when Ed. Davis hit him on the left
knee with the bat, when he ought to
have thanked him for not hitting him
on the right knee which is still sore
from q rabbit hunt last winter. Alt.
Campbell kicked because some out.
slider yelled "See that camel hump
himselfp' And about every third
run the whole herd of wild beasts
would rush out into the middle of the
diamond and pry the umpire's face
open and kick. They wore out two
umpires that way in two innings.
That menagerie would kick with
their mouths tied behind them.
But the Printers, bless your soul,
they PLAYED BALL!
The way they swatted the balls re-
minded one Of tin peddler having a
fit on an lola marble side walk.
When they ran; there was just dark
streak in the atmosphere. 1t was all
printer.
The way they purloined bases
would have made Boss Croker sick
with envy.
They ripped over the home plate
like telegraph poles tear by when the
train is going mile a minute. 1t
was simply hair raising.
The REGISTER Office furnished the
pitcher and his balls were SO hot that
it raised the temperature between
him and the catcher 10 degrees high
or than 1t was anywhere else on the
diamond. They actually had to cover
the home plate, which was of stone,
to keep it from burning into lime.
The way those balls came in made
the spectators vince like man with
his teeth ON edge trying to eat an iron
boiler.
The Printers Played Ball.
The following are the names of
players, position and score:
Printers position Ldwyers
nsvf catcher Rpnnatt