Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1894-08-26
LITTLE THINGS FOR LITTLE ONES.


"Cau any little boy here" asked the
visitor, "give me an example OF the ex-
pansion of substances by heat?"
~ can" said Tommy. "Our dogs
tongue Is twice as long as it was last
summer"
Miu6ie-Why do they always speak
Of "a bed of roses?"
Willie-COs roses got so many bugs on
'em. Don't ye know nuthin'?
THAT is a lad of fine spirit" said the
teacher, referring TO the leading boy in
the class.
II see," replied the committsemaD,
''you say spirit because ne goes to the
head.
Little Boy-You needn't worry about
sister and Mr. Poorchapp. she doesn't
care a snap for him.
Mother (much relieved How did
you learn that?
Little Boy-When they are 10 the par
Tor alone she won't even let him have a
chair to himself.
Mrs. Fogg-YOu have been a naugh-
ty boy, and snail have to tell your
father.
Johnny-H'm! just like woman!
Can't keep secretl
Little Ethel wonder why Adam
and Eve had such an awful time just
because they ate one little apple?
johnny (refectively)-Naybe 1t was
green.
Visitor-The maid says your mamma
will soon be in, so l will wait for her.
Won't you sit down and talk to me, my
little man?
Little Man-Yes'm; l likes to talk.
well, take this chair by my side"
"Oh, no, that's too uncomfortable TO
sit in long. That's for visitors"
ST wonder why it's called an intelli-
gence Officer"
stupid boy, because people who lack
cents go there"
Little Johnny-Our school teacher is
going TO get married. l think there
ought to be law against school teach
ers gettin' married.
Mother-DeaF me! Why so?
Little Johnny-Just think what an
awful time their poor children will
havel
A little girl Of this city recently gave
a forcible though unconscious illuStra-
ton Of what foreigners find a perplex-
ing popularity of our language. Her
younger brother inquired:
''Do cows give beef and ham?'
"Of course they DON'T" was the
scornful reply. "You ought TO know
better than that. Cows lay milk
Bobby tat mis- history lesson)-Oh,
mother! What's the use OF studying
history?
Fond parent-A good deal OF good,
Bobby. II shows the ignorant ways of
our ancestors and teaches Us TO avoid
them.
Bobby-Well, why didn't they study
history? That would have let us out.
Dora-Papa said We mustn't encour-
age trsmps, because one tells all the
rect.
Clara-I couldn't help it;'ho looked
so starved.
"What did you give him?"
"Half cream puff and some chewing
gum"
Mrs. Messer-Now, Tommy, go and
kiss your suntie or mamma Will whip
you hard.
Tommy (after long look at the
auntie Whip me, ma.
To remember one thing, connect II
with another. That is very good rule
In mnemOnics, but it needs TO be OBJ
served with caution. An exchange re-
ports q schOolroom dialogue:
Teacher-With whom did Achilles
fight at the battle OF TroYP
Pupil-Piuto.
Teacher-Wrong. Try again.
Pupil.Nero.
Teacher-Nero! How do you
Pupil-Then it must have been Hec-
tor. | knew twas one of our three dogs.
Teacher-What is the meaning OF the
phrase, adding insult to injury"
Tommy Why, it's like sending me
into the garden to. cut 4 switch for You
10 whip me with.
A we'll known business man is spend
ing the summer at country boarding
house in Montgomery county, and his
interesting family of q wife and three
tiny misses are with him. The other