Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1894-05-17
| SMELL SMOKE.

smoking In bed, but Mrs. SnOOdle,
though she allows him to smoke any
where else, very properly forbids him to
indulge in such dangerous practice
However, as Mrs. Snoodle is a remark
ably sound sleeper Mr. Snoodle frequent
ly manages to enjoy few stolen whiffs
One night when in bed Mr.. Snoodle
had an irresistible desire for a pipe,
which he in vain endeavored to combat
His wife was fast asleep, SO he cautious
ly stretched out his hand for his pipe,
which lay on little table by the bed
side. Then with equal caution he filled
it, lighted up and was putting away
with intense relish when Mrs. Snoodle
turned over and gave two or three
snorts.
81 believe she's going to wake up -
thought Mr.. Snoodle and hastily took
his pipe from his mouth and placed it
on the table.
Mrs Snoodle gave few more snorts
and woke up Then she gave series a
shifts, and Mr.. Snoodle trembled, for
the room was pregnant with tobacco
smoke
"John, are you smoking?" asked his
wife sternly.
Certainly not, my dear. Whatever
makes you think so?" he innocently in
quired. fg gNg e@fs.. .
Because 1 can smell tobacco she
replied. "Phew, how strong it isl Don't
you smell it, John?''
Cant say do Martha. I've got
bit of cold" m#6
open your eyes, man, and then you
will, " snapped Mrs Snoodle
Il don't smell with my eyes, gig
gled Mr.. Snoodle.
What mean is wake up properly
and sniff hard. Now, can't you smell
it?"
''Well-er-I think there is faint
odor of tobacco" admitted the culprit.
'Think-faint odorl Why, the place
reeks with It'll tell you what it is,
John, there's somebody smoking in the
house," declared his wife.
''Doyou think Jane indulges in pipe
on the sly?" suggested Mr.. Snoodle.
Nonsense
''Well, my dear, the only other living
thing in the house is the cat, and l
never heard of cats smoking. y
Don't talk rubbish, John. It's seri-
GUS matter. It's my firm belief there's
burglar smoking in the house" And
Mrs. Snoodle shivered
'Ah, very likely" replied Mr.. Snoo-
die, thankful for his lucky escape and
preparing to go to sleep again.
John, are you going to sleep and let
the house be ransacked?" asked his wife
Indignantly.
Certainly not, my dear"
''Then why don't you 60 down stairs
and catch the burglar?'
Mr.. Snoodle very reluctantly got out
of the warm bed into the cold air, sleep
lily lighted candle and moved toward
the door,
AREN'T you going to take some
weapon of defense?' asked his wife.
"Do you want to be killed? Inever saw
such a mani
Mr. Snoodle rather sulkily seized the
poker and muttered that if he found
burglar he'd make it smoking hot for
him.
He had got half way down stairs and
was thinking of anything but burglars
when he suddenly saw man dart out
Of the dining room and bolt down the
kitchen stairs. Mr.. Snoodle's first i'm
pulse was instant flight, for he was an
arrant coward, but he was so astounded
and petrifed with fear that he was ut
terly unable to either move or speak.
He simply stood still, holding the candle
nearly upside down, with his mouth
wide open. Then he heard the back door
bang and knew that the burglar was
gone, so thought it was about time for
action and to earn little cheap glory.
So he roared out: "You villainsl I'll
murder you'll I'll scalp you as clean as
whistler and rushed down stairs. He
had never before felt SO heroic in his
life. He bounded into the dining room
and fought iercely with the furniture,
especially the fender, as he could bang
into that without injuring it much un-
til he was quite exhausted.
"John, John, come up stairsp'
screamed Mrs. Snoodle. You'll be
killed."
Its all right, Marthar' shouted
back Mr.. Snoodle. 8it
tHave you got the rascals safely
bound then?"
''No, they've got away. But I've
nearly killed 'emr'
''Thank heaven! Come up stairs and
let me dress your wounds, DEAR" said
Mrs Snoodle solicitously.
Mr.. Snoodle, after securing the back
door, which the servant had omitted to
lock, and undoing the bundle Of plate
that the burglar had left behind in his
hurry to escape, went up stairs.
"Oh, JOHN exclaimed Mrs. Snoodle
on beholding him, ''then you're not
dead?"
mo, DEAR" he said, mopping his
brow. but it was terrible fight. =
''I'm sure it was / never heard such
an awful row. Did they take anything?'
"Only their hook grinned Mr..
Snoodle. Il was just in time to I-<,vent
'em carrying off the best part ii our
plate. 1t was all tied up ready That
4diot Of Jane forgot to lock the back
door. I'll give It to her in the morn