The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1894-07-18

Ind i frankly confess that / was in
some degree to blame. But If I erred,
have 1 not suffered for my indiscretion?
If I am not actually TO be pitied. at
least 1 do not deserve the wholesale
abuse of which 1 am the unhappy re-
cipient For instance, 1 have been
called "a cruel, hard-hearted wretch
Whereas my chief fault is that I possess
too soft and susceptible a heart, as the
very conduct COR which 1 am blamed
plainly shows. I have also been accused
of "callOusly trifiing with the affections
Of two tender girls but what are the
facts Of the case? Both Miss Mayne
and Miss WestbrOOk-my Victims" as
they have been called-are now married,
md, 1 am told, happy while II, the
eallous trifier, the gay deceiver-am still
wearing the willow for them. For which
bf them? Upon my honor. 1 am unable
TO answer that question even now as 1
was in the brief and, on the whole, happy
period during which l was engaged 20
both of them. The truth is, each of
those charming girls appealed to an en-
tirely different side Of my character,
and loved them by turns, just as my
gay or my gloomy side happened to be
In the ascendant. In every respect they
were as opposite as the poles. Caroline
was a dark-eyed, dark-haired, demure
little thing, with a sweet voice and
earessing manner; Lillian was tail and
fair, with a great flow Of high spirits
and an intense love of "fun." Thus,
when I was anxious or depressed 1 was
soothed by the gentle society Of the for
mer and in such moods felt that l would
gladly die for Caroline Mayne; but when
the pendulum had swung to the other
extreme, and l was bent on enjoyment
thoroughly appreciated the latter's vivac-
ity and asked nothing better of Fa e
than for permission TO live for Lillian
WestbrOOk. In short. L felt what 1 may
call a sincere intermittent attachment
for both and could not bring myself To
break with either. That the situation
was an awkward one / admit, but | need
hardly say that l did not place myself
IN it deliberately. Led astray by too
generOus-and perhaps too general ad-
miration of beauty, 1 drifted into IL
beedlessly but not heartlessly. as,
think, the following truthful record con-
cluSively proves.
1t is now nearly three years ago since
! first met Caroline Mayne at the little
riverside village Of Barbelham. where L
was staying 10 recruit my finances, which
were in a sadly debilitated condition.
Certainly. as a lying-by place-a kind of
gOcial Observation-Disclosures had It's
good points II was quiet, far from the
nunning crowd, cheap. and yet within
easy reach Of London, from which II was
distant less than twenty miles. But it
was a dreadfully dull little hole. and, as
1 do not nsh, row or play skittles, my
time hung heavily upon my hands. In
three days I had sunk into a state Of
acute melanch0lia. and 1 really believe
] was just beginning 10 gibber, when, at
the end of the week, l opportunity met
an old acquaintance. This was Mrs.
Mayne, the widow of a stakeholder. who,
when I was a boy at home. lived within
a few doors Of us and was reputed 10 be
wealthy. After his death, however. his
affairs wer- found 10 be in sad disorder.
and his widow leaving the neighbOrhOOd,
we had entirely lost sight Of her until l
met her by chance in the High-st. Of
Barbelham, where. it appeared, she had
settled down in a pretty cottage near the
liver. Thanks. as | subsequently learned,
% the eXerJOns of a Mr.. Jagg, her hus-
bands eXecutOr-Of whom. as the novel
tays. more anOn-enOugh had been saved
rom the wreck 70 support her and her
laughter in comfort, and Barbelham had
>een their residence for the past eight
fears. Evidently the air agreed with
airs. Mayne. for she hardly looked a day
llder; but 1 had 10 mention my name,
and ask her if she had quite forgotten
frank Leigh, before she recognized me.
When she did. however, she greeted me
most cordially. and Immediately released
he bOttled-Up curiosity OF eight years.
overwhelming me with questions about
ormer friends and acquaintance. so
that l was forcibly reminded of the le-
gend Of the Flying Dutchman." and of
lhe boat that weird bark some
times sent TO board passing
fhips with letters addressed to
treets long pulled down. and anxious
inquiries concerning people Wondering
n their graves. For all the people of
Rhom Mrs. Mayne spoke were dead 10
ne. Some were ruined some had dis
appeared, some had actually departed
his life. and the rest had passed out Of
nine when 1 left home; but l told her
al knew, and when l knew nothing
! invented something which pleased her
Iust as well. But. though I walked
home with her, her curiosity was not
nearly satisfied when we reached the
cottage, so she asked me in 70 tea-and
/. met Caroline. I fell a victim at the
FIRST glance. You see. / was just in the
mood TO appreciate her charms. for of
course while l was at Barbelham my
gloomy side was UppermOst. In Caro-
lines society l found the sedative best
Quilted 10 my troubled spirits, and con-
fequently l cultivated it assiduOusly. AL
enost every day / visited the cottage and
piled away hours by her side, incoming
ebout her like a Byron with liver COM
blaint-a wild. reckless being with a
Silent sorrow somewhere, whose sole
hope Of happiness she held in her hand
In this strain | talked TO her. read her
the most mOurnful poems in the Ian
Ruage, and altogether thoroughly en-
iOyed myself in a melancholy kind Of
way. until one day, about month after
our first meeting. 1 unburdened my soul
and begged her 10 he the cheerful sun
beam lighting my tangled path through
the gloomy vale of life. And Caroline
consented.
But Mrs Mayne demurred. Though
not positively Objecting. she asked un-
comfortable questions about my private
means which. l am bound TO say, were
far from satisfactory. I had three hun
dred pounds a year, my debts and no
occupation; so that, as she pointed out. /
was scarcely in a position 10 set up
sunbeam of my own. However. / prom
tsed TO wOrk-a fact which plainly shows
how much in earnest I was-and Mrs
Mayne at last consented TO a conditional
engagement. the chief condition being
the approval Of Mr.. Jagg. who had as
6umed the management of all the wild
CarOline's guardian. So Mr.. Jagg was
business some time before, and was
travelling about on the continent, his an
swer was long delayed-indeed before
IL came. I had left Barbelham on bus
iness of the utmost importance.
We had been engaged about a fort
night think, when one evening, on re-
turning to my lodgings, 7 found there a
letter which had been forwarded from
my London rooms. Tearing it open In
some trepidatiOn for the handwriting
was legal, and awakened gruesOme MEM
ories Of similar missives, / found that a
cousin Of mothers wealthy old bach