The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-05-12

apply TO you, mum, you would be
sure to give me a good meal, mum.
Mrs. Easy-And why didn't Mrs.
Smart give you the good meal?
Tattered Tommy-She said as how,
mum, that you was so much quicker
than she to recognize true worth,
mum.-[Judge.
sIsTERLY SARCASM.
Have you a sistah?" said Willie
Washington.
NO, replied his friend.
Then you cannot weilize what it
is TO be utterahly humiliated. was
telling my sistah lasht night about
young woman sometimes call upon.
| wemahked that she made me feel
like fool"
And what did your sister say|'
'She said was too self-conscious.
= Washington Star.
NOT TO BE oUTDoNE.
May" said her husband, as they
prepared to go out calling, do you
really mean to use those calling
cards with your name spelled Mae
Kathryne Alys Smith ?"
II certainly do" replied May
Catharine Alice Smith.
Very well, then" said her hus-
band, firmly. II am with you"
and he presented her with a card
neatly inscribed: 'Jorje Phrederyc
Albyrt Smith. ."-[Chicago Record.
np TrTTT TrN
Riches have win gs," said the
prudent man.
"Of course they have" replied
his improvident friend. That's
why they're so useful in helping
man to fly high"
PITIFUL POSITION.
Miss odgirl--What are you think
/ ing OF so inten tly?
Young Gayboy-Well, if you must
know, was thinking what the re-
suit would be, if | should suddenly
grab you and kiss you.
Miss Goodgirl-Oh, Mr.. Gayboy,
how terrible for you to have such
thoughts, when my brother and
father are both out, my mother sick
in bed upstairs, and no one in the
world who could possibly come to
my assistance = Philadelphia Life.
" Who is the belle to-night?" asked
she,
As they stood on the ballroom
floor.
He looked around the room to see
And she speaks TO him no more.
-IPhiladelphia Life.
HIS -~t% OF EARNING MONEY.
"And now" said Dusty Waysides,
the tramp, as he came up to the
! bathhouse cashiers desk, after tax
ing the bath he had ordered, "how
much are you goin' to pay me?"
-[Chicago Record.
ONLY ONE TO LOSE.
Young Medical Practitnner-I can
truthfully say that | never lost but
one patient.
DIR. Longyeers (grimly) - What
have you been doing for living since
he died?-IChicago News Record.
THOUGHTFUL.
Young Wife-My dear, there is
gentleman waiting in the other room.
He wants to speak to you.
He-Do you know him?
She-Iou must forgive me, darling,
but OF late you have been troubled
with cough, besides you take so
little care OF yourself and--Oh! If
you only knew how anxious l am
about you. Suppose were to lose
you, love" (She bursts into sob
bing and throws herself on his
breast)
He-Come, my dear, silly child,
do be calm. People don't die Of
slight cold. Still, il it will pacify
you, show the doctor in. Who is it?
Dr. Pallot, eh?
She-It isn't a doctor, dear. 1t is
it is--it Is life insurance agent!
i Philadelphia Life:
WHAT HE WANTS.
| would not live alway;
l ask not to stay.
But still il I'm not
Too much in the way
I'd just as lief watch
A few centuries melt,
To realize just
How Methuselah felt.
HAPPY FATHER.
Said an exasperated Texas father
/ at the dinner table:
You children turn up your noses
at everything on the table. When l
was n boy was glad to get enough
dry bread to eat"
II say, pa, you are having much
better time of it now you are living
with us, amt you?" remarked Tom
my.-lTexas Siftings.
GENEROUS MAN.
First Businessman-I understand
old Gripem left lot of money. Did
I IA, laaya any ~ ~ for chs rit ahla MIR