Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-10-14
"H0ME,SWEETHOME.'
Ics-Cream as Made BY the Idler'S Happy
Family Circle.
4 CLOCK THAT ALWAYS STRUCK.
1t Bankruptcd Its Unfortunate OwDer-A
Tribute to the Memory Of DC.
parted Canary Bird.

cred face OF the worm-pregnant chincl-
pin to open with Joy, we must put aside
simmer thoughts and summer things and
don our last-year's oyerc0at to meet the
blasts of the coming winter. Tearfully
kiss my nngef-tips 10 the memory OF
the juicy watermelon, and sadly | pay
tribute to the fru.t-crOp that was killed
in the early spring Most regretfully OK
all. make my adleux to the homemade
ice-cream. which has sanctif.ed the Sab
bath within cur household for the past
four months, and done so much TO fill
UP the vacuums Of our - wei, our leisure
hours. In OUR neghborhocd everybody
had ice-cream on Sundays during the
summer. and towards the last 1t got 80
common that we couldn't ever braS about
1t to the people who live next door to
us. This. admit, took away great deal
OF the flavor Of the stuff. but the cubic
contents remained. and with that | man
aged 20 console myself. Our whole house-
hold. led by the cook as gencraiissmo,
used 70 take pFrt In manipulating the
freezer and the process was exceedingly
exheustinc. for, in the words OK some
body. tho mills of the gods grind slowly,
though they get there Just the same
But brain VIII tell, and when at last the
little mouse that accidentally and un-
observed fell into the cust2rd ma be-
come Thoroughly stinened, the cream was
n bowling success. which produced
sufficient stock Of Indigestion and bad
dreams 10 last us whole week Inc
indigestion, | will state parcnthetically.
4 , hA q n Sc
covery Of the mouse at the bottom or
the freezer. after We had unwittingly
dcvoured the glacial stratum which
showed him under. This explanation,
however must not be regarded rs pre-
judicial to the interests Of mice In gem
oial, and on the whole ! prefer them IN
!ce-cream frtczers rather tndn IN pre-
serve-Jars. In the latter place they some
tirncs become 50 merged with the general
sw eetness OF their surroundings that the
IT ost embarrassing mistakes In the way
of Identity occur.
by no means the least OF the joys con-
nected with this Sunday ice-cream was
that universal prerogative which justihed
every member Of the family IN critciZlns
the article on which We had bestowed 20
much labor. l would stick my spoon IN
my third saucer and wisely announce
that II Qhe cream. not the saucer) was
too sweet whereupon another member
% our circle would aver that that pro-
duced by his mother in former days was
vastly superior to ours. Suggestions as
TO lack Of salt would follow, and COM
ments on the poor way in which II was
frozen would fall as thick as pepper out
Of the cruet But. as a general thinS'
we meant no harm By our remarks
though last Sundays cream really was
a most awful finale. that VIII long ci!nS
10 our memory. Somebody a II accuse the
cook, as she is better able 10 take care
Of herself than anybody else IN the
house, put too much starch in the
CuStard, and, as q consequence, We hiH
a compound that was sufficiently STICKY
u paste circus-bills on a board fence. l
used my three saucers for fixing up Il
scrap-boOk | keep, while the other meui-
bers Of the family, more generous than l.
sent their respective helps out 10 our
ncisibors. vino. by the principles OIL inter-
national law. viii be compelleI u recipfo~
cate next Sunday, by sending Us some
thing in return. | wot not how thcy de-
stroyed the culinary evidences Of our
neighborly friendship. but If they ate
thereof. il IS but meet for me- 20 say that
0nternally) they are the most stuck-up
set OF folks that ever refused 20 pay FOR
the street-spr.nklGg wagon IN this neigh
borhoCd.
We have a French clock In our parlor.
and owing 10 IL Partisan Influences We all
sneak French when We converse al the
table. Since that clock came into the
family We use 10 other language. Some
how We feel Ike We are getting more
whln we cal, for IL in the yernacular
II the boulevarIs. When | say: "Donnez-
moi du jambOn, s'ii vous plat,' instead or
Hustle me that hog" the meat tastes
twice as good 10 me. and small s"ce
will 20 much farther than II ! had asked
for il In English. Possibly the cXp!anl-
ton for this lies In the fact that my
accent takes our appetitcs away, or it
may be that French people live on con-
versatlon entirely and dispense with more
tangible forms of food. But the clock
Of which | speak has had other effects
on the family besides the one q which
| have above alluded. II was given 10
my father by an enemy on The occasion
Of the formers wedding. and bankrupt"d
him in one year. II ran three days after
its donation, and was then repaired a =
cost doubly exceeding the original price
of the timc-p'ece. After beginning lff
anew, the clock again stopp- ! in order 10
observe the Christmas holidays. and Vas
a second time repaired-Cn this occasion
ncccssiiating a mortgage on the hous" IN
payment Of the jewellers Bill. After that
the clock made IL a regular habit to
knock off, on every public occasion. and
towards the last il began 10 observe
Labor-Day. the Fourth az July, the 9th
Of February. and even Sundays. II WIs
the greatest clock for striking that | hay"
ever scen--l labOring gman getting hNe
times as much money as clerk was
nothing in comparison to II. Yea, II was
verltable Eugene Debs. 1t would stop
work every time a fly died in the family
and In every instance we had tO deny
ourselves the necessities Of life in order
10 meet the jewellers bill for its repairs.
This man moved on Franklin street be-
fore We got through with the time-plece,
and my father. ON the other hand, was
reduced to The extremity ot wearing
paper collars and calico shirts. We stll
keep the French clock In the parlor. we
also keep the mortgage on the house.
The custom Of giving French clocks 70
bridal couples still prevails among tn
enemies OF the contracting parties. In
every household you sec them Ohe clocks,
not the encmi-f) silently setting on the
mantels. and mutely proclaining the
blishtel hopes ard wasted fortunes or tie
once-newly- welded pair. Doubtless You
have on in your own hOuSe-a monu-
mcnt 10 the memory Of the man who
tried 20 get your girl and failed. But he
has won his revenge lie has dragged
you down to poverty, and made the wOl1
howl round your door. SEEK not TO pun
ish hirn-to heap your burning wrath upon
his head, for retribu,ion has come. He,
too, was married. and among the many
presents he mulcted from suffering hu-
manity was n French clock. Forgetting
his evil designs against you. he essayed
10 run the clock. and now all his earthly
possessions have been swept away from
him. To young couples about To entanele
themselves In the lariat thrown by the
Cowboy Cupid, utter a word Of warn
ing, based On sad experience and expend-
ell cash. Beware OF French clocks. II
one Is sent you on your bridal day, give
it away. Get rid OF ii. Shun ii even as
you would shun a book-agent. 1t IS the
pathway that leads to financial ruin.
The old home amt what II used 10
be since Willie died" When the cold,
damp sod forever shut out the sunshine
OF his golden down. we blstered the
enshrouding mud with briny tears ana
kissed the dirt that cruelty encompassed
his remains. We wept for him, for he
was dead. We sobbed when we thought