Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-01-15
JUST FOR FUN.

We suppose the ship heaves out Of
sympathy for the seasick passengers.
Customer-Have you felt slippers?
Clerk-Yes, ma'am, but not for long
time now.
Prosperity doesn't prove anything.
The biggest fiddle in the orchestra
plays the fewest notes.
A shoe man has card in his window
reading: "Any respectable man, wo-
man or child can have fit in this
store"
"Girls is queer things" wrote Tom
my on composition day. Why? Be-
cause a girl is not in it in society till
she comes out.
| Schiffmann's Asthma Cure.
Instantly relieves the most violent attack,
| facilitates free expectoration and insures
| rest to those otherwise unable to sleep ex-
| cept in a chair, single trial will prove
Send for free trial package to DR.. R. Schiff-
mann, st. Paul, Minn but ask your druggist
first.
Higgs-Why don't you buy one of
these fashionable long tailed coats?
Briggs (after painful pause -Higgs,
I am too short.
There's a man in our club who is al
ways the last to see the point of either
| joke or story. We call him "the lat
est intelligence"
cit sutn]y am strange" said Uncle
Eben, chow much easier some men
fins it to settle the Hawaiian question
dan ter settle grocery BILL"
els Bilkins a man who remembers
his obligations?" ooh, yes; he's al
ways speaking about them and pro-
posing TO see you next week."
| "Gentleman wants to see you, SIR"
"Who is hep" IT couldn't find out,
sir; but, judgin' by his clothes, he's
either beggar Or millionaire, sir.'
The best remedy for rheumatism. Mr.. John
w. Gates. Petersburg, Va, writes: 81 used
Salvation Oil for rheumatism and obtained
| great relief. Tt is the best remedy have ever
tried, land I shall always keep it in the house"
HSay, mister" said a little Fresh
Air child, as she watched the cattle
enjoying their cud, "do you have to
buy gum for all them COWS to chew?"
''That is a pretty big buckwheat
cake for boy of your size, "said papa
at breakfast to Jimmie boy, "but re-
ally it isn't. It's got lots of porouses
in it."
ct see,' said one real estate dealer
to another, that you still have va
can't house in your new row." eyes,"
was the reply, sit is last, but not leas-
ed"
Teacher-Can any one tell me what is
meant by home industries? Billy
Bright (promptly)-Up to our house
they're sawin' wood an carryin' in
COAL
eff fishes knew enough to live in
the ground instead Of water" re-
marked Frank, "they could get all the
worms they wanted without hoo ks in
them.'
great cure for coughs. Mrs. A. K. Morris,
456 Canton St., Philadelphia, Pa, writes 81
took several bottles of DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup
for bad cough and was entirely cured,
Teacher in kindergarten = You've
omitted something, Mabel, in making
your letter 'i's.' What is it? Ma
bell guess,-I guess 1 forgot to put
eyebrows over 'em.
Station master, to suspicious look
ing lady (aged) who has just entered
a compartment: care you first class,
ma'am?" Aged Lady: eyes, thank
Won How ara Won cirS,,
Hostess Oh, I think some people
are SO disagreeable! Don't you hate
people who can sing and won't? Old
Grouchy-No, not SO much as l do
those that can't sing and will.
A janitor of school building seeing
the words, 'find the greatest common
divisor,'' on the blackboard again and
again, exclaimed in good faith, "Well,
is that thing lost again?''
Smythe-I dropped penny in front
of blind beggar to- day to see if he'd
pick it up. Tompkins-Well,d did he?
Smythe-No. He said, 'Make it six
pence, mister, and I'll forget myself"
"Deah me,' said Chappie, as he
donned his sixth costume for the day,
"I've been working like horse!"
"Ya-as," returned Doody, who is
brighter than he looks, s'like clothes
horse.'
A reference is it? exclaimed girl at
a registry Office, when asked by lady
in search of a servant, for a recon-
mendation. And why should I give
We reference? It's meself that's got |
to live wild ye, not We wild me.
Deans Rheumatic Pills absolutely cure |