davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald., 1894-12-11
No Di..crcncc.

Mrs. Sccondwed-YO arc SO uDliss
my first husband.
Mr.. ST hope the difference is il NY
favor, my dear.
Mrs. S. oh, it is, very mach.
Mr.. S.-Thanl1s What IL 1t? 97
Mrs. S.-You'lo alive. Low, tTTisir,
cVry.
The herald., 1894-12-11
at SCHOOL,.

Teacher-Fritz, name the beast that
supplies us with ham.
Fritz--The butcher eT,-Deutsche Warte.
The herald., 1894-12-11

The Indian name of the SchuyllSill
river was Manyunk; hGn6c the rezsa>s of
Pennsylvania tow1.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
Smelling the Bean Sauce.


There was in Yedo poor man who
had worked hard and long, and had saw
ed small sum of money. He had no
strong box to keep it In and it occurred
to him that If he dropped it inside an
empty bean-sauce cask, no one would
ever think of looking there for it. Now
this bean sauce is much used by poor
people; but the smell is very strong and
somewhat offensive to persons of deli
cate taste. Some ingenious thief after
all, did discover the hiding place, for one
day the poor man found his money miss
ing. He went Immediately to Okla, and
told him of the loss, adding that he
thought it must be some one of the
neghbors. SO Okla summoned all the
poor mans neighbors for the next day,
and when they had appeared in court,
Okla announced, sin my opinion it is one
of you that has stolen this money from
the bean-sauce cask, and if that is so,
shall be able to tell by the smell of the
thitf's fingers. So let each one come up
here and present his hands in turn. !"
Just as he had said this, he noticed one
of the men in the back of the courtroom
suddenly put his hand to his nose and
smell it. "That man over there is the
thief" Immediately exclaimed the Judge
pointing to the man.
Okla knew, You see, that if the thief
was really among the crowd, his guilty
conscience would probably suggest to
him the thought, "Will my hands really
betray me-"
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
THE COWBOYS LASSO.
with 1t He Is Almost a. Good Marksman
AS with the Rifle.

with 1t He Is Almost as Good a Marksman
AS With the Rifle.
1.-THE cowboys Of New Mexico, Texas
and Arizona are all skilled in the art of
using the lasso," said Louis Edwards Of
Santa Fe. IT used to ia in the ranch
ing line myself and once thought
could throw q rope as straight as any
man living. But that was before had
mixed to any extent with the Mexicans.
As good as the American cowboys are,
they can't hold candle to greaser
when it comes to the roping business.
They can do things with hemp that no
other mortals can ever hope to accom-
plish. AS the Australian stands out pre-
eminently in throwing the boomerang,
so does the ignorant son Of the land of
God and liberty exceed all other men
in this one accomplishment.
"a Mexican will chase q steer 1T full
speed, and while he guides his broncho
with one hand whirl his rope with un-
erring aim with the other, and it ism t
once in Thousand times that the moose
will fail to catch just where the rider
meant. A favorite trick with them is
to stick lot of long handled knives in
the ground close together within the
limits Of narrow circle and bet with
outsiders that they can ride past at race
horse speed and pick up any one of the
knives designated with q rope. They
are good marksmen with the rife, too,
but in this regard the cowboys are fully
their peers Washington Post.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
WellingtOn's Greatest Rattle,

A hitherto unpublished letter of the
Duke Of Wellington written to Colonel
Wilke, one of the garrison of st. Hell
ena when Napoleon was there, contains
the following interesting reference to
the dukes greatest battle:
They used to call me the sepoy gen
eral. 1t is due to my having been Sc
poy general that | won the battle of
Waterloo. It targht me where to place
men with whom could trust the honor
of England and where to place men
who We're not so satisfactory. l had
troops with me at Waterloo in whose
hands the safety and honor of king and
country could well be placed. had
numbers of others, some of whom
could not trust at all, some l could bare
ly trust, and others who were not prop
erly trained. 1t was owing to the fact
of my. having learned in the sepoy wars
to place the best of the men in the parts
of the field where the greatest courage
and bravery We're required, and others
where those qualities We're not required,
that / won the battle Of Waterloo -
Westminster Gazette.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
Errors in Pronunciation.

Why should so many persons say
spontanighity instead of spontaneeity !
There is no excuse for saying ap-pricot
for apricot, or eck-quable for ec-quable
ERIN for Erin, or asatidity for asafeti-
da, or Ven-zu- celia for Ven-e-zu-la, or
Adon-is (short o. Ado-nis dong o., or
Dian-na for Diana dong az, or mattron
PATRON, and so on. 1t is Just as easy
to accent the last syllable as the first in
''pretense." Some persons call bomb
'sboom" instead of "bum" because the
spelling seems to warrant 1t, but when
tedious ''tejus" they have no such appar-
ent warrent. In the West and South the
81" in isolate is made long and nearly
everywhere educated persons say truck-u-
lent for true cu-lent, a-men-able, for a
meen-able, lev-ver for lee-ver, and give
the sound of "u" in up instead Of ''i'
in it in such words as squirrel, stirrup
and sirup. There are many words in
which the accent Is persistently mis-
placed by persons who know better. II
is common to put the accent on the
second syllable of preemptory instead Of
on the first, on the first instead of the
second syllable of coquetry, on the
second instead of the first of exemplary.
etc. Many persons place the accent on
the first instead of the second syllable of
inquiry and do not give the ''i' its prop
er length. The accent in gladiolus
should be on the second syllable, with a
long ''i'' but many place it on third.
They say hy-meen-e-al, with the accent
on the ''mee.' The exasperating thing
about it Is that some of these persons
who are so careless about common words
take utmost pains to learn how to pro-
nounce Bouguereau, and are convulsed
when they hear anybody mispronounce
Chopin and Beethoven. Recently they
broke out with viawz for vase, though
the weight of authority is against it..
Webster authorizes only one pronouncia-
ton, the long ga" and Kissing ''s" Wor-
cester prefers the ~" sound, but not the
saw" The most improper use Of the
sounds of 'a' is most serious. Those
who have courage to use the Italian or
the modified Italian "a" often use 1t I'M
lawfully, as caw't and rawther. The
proper sounds of "o," particularly in
God, dog and some other words are
widely ignored. The common usage is
wrong In the case of the terminal ''ine''
in the name of chemicals, as morphine,
chlorine, iodine, anilene, benzine, etc,
all which should as though there were
no final Sc" 1t is morphin, not NOR
pheen.-Ne,c York Adrertiser.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
A WOMAN Halter DISCONNECTED.
He Had Reason to Repent Asking . CUES
ton About Eve.

There is a crusty old bachelor on
Fourth street who is a confirmed woman
halter and who never misses an oppor-
tunity for saying something sarcastic
and disagreeable about the fair sex.
But he met more than his match the
other day in plucky little woman,
who, metaphorically speaking, wiped
up the earth with him, much to the de-
light of his friends, who were greatly
amused at his discontinue.
The old bachelor inquired why, when
Eve was manufactured of a spare rib,
u servant wasn't made at the same time
to wait on her The little woman re-
sponded promptly: Because Adam
never read the newspapers until the sun
got down behind the palm trees and
then, stretching, yawned out, Isn't sup
per most ready, my dear?' Not he. He
made the fire and hung the kettle over
it himself, III venture, and pulled the
radishes, peeled the potatoes and did
everything else he ought to do
He chopped the kindling, brought
in the coal and did the chores himself,
and he never brought home half dozen
friends to dinner when Eve hadn't any
fresh pomegranates. y
The little woman stopped moment
for breath and went on with renewed
yigor: And Adam never staid out
till ~ O'Clock at a political meeting
hurrahing for some candidate and then
scolding because poor Eve was sitting
up and crying inside the gates. He never
played billiards, rolled tenpins and
drove fast horses nor choked Eve with
cigar smoke.
HE never loafed around the corner
groceries and saloons while Eve was
rocking little Cain cradle at home. In
short, he didn't think she was especial
ly created for the purpose of waiting on
him and wasn't under the impression
that it disgraced man to tighten a
wife's cares little That's the reason
that Eve didn't need hired girl, and
with it is the reason that her descend
ants do. :"
She drew another breath and was
about to continue, when the bachelor
pulled his hat down over his eyes and
sneaked away amid the laughter of the
crowd. louisville Post.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20

The Pitt.bu Dispatch reports the
PROPRIETOR Of one of the largest bars
in hat eit9 IL -atiug recently that !:
elf the demand. Tor buttermilk Increases
each year a. in the last few years, 1t VIII
-u0u he a rival to beer a popular
drink" He added: "Never before has
the demand for this cooling beverage
been so great az it Is this year, 1t l.
not heralded and advertised by signs in
saloons. for the reason that there l.
more money in beer. Nevertheless. one
would be surprised at the large quaint
ties consumed. One bar gets away with
ten gallons day, while another, that
know of. uses six gallons. Ii u the
greatest hugbear to the bars now. and
the demand makes them keep it, no mat
ter how they may seek to hold it in the
background The Dispatch says;
ANY afternoon you can find what are
neW deri,ively termed 'buttcrmilk brit
gadcs lined up in front of any OF the
larger bars guiding buttcrmilk, happy
in The knowledge that it will soon erase
the expensive coloring on their faces
which old King Alcohol has painted not
i'm water colors either All hail to but
termilk as new ally of the temperance
reform,
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
Problems in Animal Life.

The greyhound runs by sight only.
This i fact The carrier pigeon flies
his hundreds of miles homeward by eye
sight, noting from point to point objects
he has marked. This is only conjecture
The dragon fly. with $4,000 lenses in his
eve, darts from angle to angle with the
Iapidty of a flashing sword and AS rapid
Is darts back. not turning in the air. but
with clash reversing the action of his
four wings and instantaneously calculat-
ing the distance of objects, or he would
dash himself to pieces. But in what
conformation of the eye does this power
consist: No one can answer.
Ten thousand mosquitoes dance up
aud down in the sun. with the minutest
interval between them. vet no one
knocks another headlong on the grass or
breaks wing, long and delicate as they
are Suddenly peculiar, high-shoulder-
ed. vicious creature, with long and PEN
dant nose. darts out of the rising and
falling cloud and, settles on your cheek,
insects a poisonous sting. What posses
ed the little wretch to do that: Did he
smell your blood while he was dancing:
No one knows.
4 carriage comes suddenly upon some
geese in a narrow road and drives
straight through the flock. a goose was
never yet fairly run over. nor a duck.
They are under the very wheels and
hoofs, and yet they contrive to flap aud
waddle safely off. Habitualy stupid,
heavy and indolent, they are, neverthe-
less equal to any emergency.
Why does the lonely woodpecker,
when he descends from his tree and goes
to drink, stop several times on the way
and listen and look around before he
takes his draught? No one knows
How is ii that the species of an ant
which is taken in battle by other ants to
be made slaves should be the block or
negro ant? No one knows.
The power of judging of actual danger
and the free and easy boldness that re-
suits from it are BY no means uncom-
mon. Many birds seem to have a cor
rect notion of guns range, and are
scrupulously careful to keep beyond it.
The most obvious resource would be to
fly right away out of sight and hearing,
but this they do not choose to do.
a naturalist of Brazil gives an account
of an expedition that he made to one of
the islands of the Amazon to shoot
spoonbills. ibises and other magnificent
birds which are abundant there. His de.
sign was completely baifled, however,
by wrctched little sandpiper, which
preceded him, continually uttering his
tell. tale cry. which at once aroused all
the birds within hearing. Throughout
the day did this individual bird continue
its self imposed duty of sentinel to
others, preventing the approach of the
hunter to the game, and yet managing
to keep out of the range of his gum
Mdadelphia Times.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
AN AID TO MILKING.
The ColIegian's Advice to His Father Which
Resulted Disastrous1y.

The Collegian's Advice to His Father Which
Resulted Disastrous1y.
A college student in one Of our west
ern states returned home after his course
was finished to find that his father, a
clergyman with small salary, was
eking out his living by running a small
farm One Of the adjuncts of the farm
was COW, pretty good animal, which
however, had "a strong aversion to being
MIXED
Here was an opportunity for display
Of the lately acquired knowledge of the
juvenile collegian.
"Father, g" said he, professor &. says
if ono will place weight upon cows
back it will make her give down the
milk.
The reverend gentleman, favorably
impressed with this information that
his son had learned from Professor g..
decided to try the simple remedy. In
stead, however, Of placing weight
upon tho cows back, the clergyman
placed himself upon it. But then he
answered the purpose. The COW, how
ever, was still obstinate.
"Tie my legs under the cow" said
tho father to his son.
The son did 20. But the COW, unused
to such unusual and arbitrary proceed
ings, manifested her displeasures by
rearing and plunging, entirely unmind-
full Of the dignity Of the parsonage
astride her spinal column. 1t was get
ting altogether too interesting for the
two bipeds concerned in tho transac-
ton.
"Cut the rope, cut the rope!" shout
the rope by which he was attached to
the COW.
But the son, being somewhat excited,
cut the rope by which the COW was fas
tened to the stanchion. At once avail
ing herself of the liberty thus offered,
the COW took an unceremonious exit
from the stable, and down through the
street she went. The minister accom-
panied tho cow, but in q manner not ex-
actly befitting the dignity Of his profess
sion.
AS it happened, one of the sisters of
the congregation was on the street a.
the race was in progress. Surprised at
such sight, the good sister cried out,
"Why, Brother ", where are you 60
ingt'
His sense of the ludicrous coming to
his aid, Brother V. shouted back: 1.-THE
Lord and the COW only know. don'tW
The Clergyman was eventually rescued
from his awkward perch and never at
tempted the feat again. Voice.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
Tag and Walter.

Judge j. l.. Torrey. who is so well
known in Washington and throughout
the country rs the author of the Bank
ruptcy bill, combines with the hal Ply
faculty of seeing and appreciatlng the
good points of a story told by others and
the rare ability of relating in the most
charming manner stories of his own
Western experiences and investing them
with simple pathos that is Irresistible.
In an address recently made at Lander,
Wyoming. before the Teachers lnstl-
tufe, he told OF an actual occurrence in
the outfit of the Embar Cattle Company
that in its way Is "a fine as anything
ever penned by the author of '.Rab and
His Friends whose writings, full OF
the deep pathos of homely things, have
seldom if ever been eXcelled.
In Judge Torrey's own words the
story of the pathetic death of horse is
as follows;
"During our last drive of beef to the
railroad bull got out into one of the
herds ii was a difficult job to drive him
out. but, of course the boys succeeded.
The bull, after running over little knoll
on which there was brush, unexpected
" to the boy ., turned and made mad
rush at his pursuers, Walter. one OF the
boys beloved by everybody, was riding
his pet horse. Tag he was foremost and
barely escaped, but the horse was badly
gOred. The wound was sewed up the
very best the boys could do it. Tag was
then turned loose with the other horses.
Late that night he went to camp, but
none of the boys sleeping on the ground
in eight different beds knew 1t save one.
When Walter awakened lie found Tag
gently paving at his bed; he got up and
petted the no! Sc ; the latter walked slow
" away and the petting continued. The
cowboys who were in the second relief,
10 herd the cattle during the night, when
coming in saw in the moonlight Tag "
ing down. Walter still petting him, too
much moved with grief to notice them.
He was dressed as he had left his bed, to
say good-by to the dumb animal that
had knowingly come to receive his last
caress. They rode on realizing that the
human who loved the animal and the
animal who loved the human were part
ing. The only words spoken during
breakfast were Tag is surely 10 horse
heaven. = Washington Post.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
FiliaI SOlieitude.

Father (solemnly)- thrasaing is
going to hurt me more than you. Napo-
leon.
Napoleon, alphabetically, well,
don't be too rough on yourself, dad; I
amt worth it'd Bits.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20

Alpine Guide-And now, gentlemen,
as soon as the ladies leave off talking
you will hear the roar of the waterfall
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20

According to the Galveston (Texas)
News the English sparrows have proved
"A nuisance in the cotton country. 1t
says that as soon as the bolls open they
pick the cotton and carry it of, and that
some planters claim that they have lost
hundreds of pounds in this way. One
Dewitt County planter, when he found
the sparrows were committing depre-
dations, procured quantity of wheat,
soaked 1t in sweetened whiskey, and
strewed it along the rows. The spar
rows found and ate it greedily. The
News says: sin fifteen or twenty min
utes there was the tipsiest lot of Eng
fish sparrows ever seen on the face OF
the earth. They rolled about the
ground, falling on their sides and backs
and kicking their heels into the air like
parcel of drundards, all the while utter
ing the most comical squeaks." The
first day two bushels Of these drunken
sparrows were gathered into bags. and
subsequently converted into pOtpie.
The experiment was several times sue
cessfully repeated, but, the News adds:
''The survivors have come to regard the
plantation as hoodooed, for now very
few come about it, The surviving
sparrows, at least, show more sagacity
than some men, in avoiding the whiskey
that overcame their fellows, and brought
them to grief and ruin.
British investors in American brew
cry stocks, it appears, are rearing har-
estof disappointment. recent num-
Der of the Washington Sentinel, organ
of the beer trade, reprints II significant
article from the London Financial News,
which says: "If any class Of enterprise
looked promising as an outlet for Eng
fish capital 1t was the better sort of
American breweries. They showed
rapid development, minlstered to a
great and growing necessity, and SEEM
ed to be embarked on a highly prosper
GUS career" 1t adds, however: Sun
fortunately, the majority of the brew
cry companies floated over here have
belied expectations, and investors have
consequently been sorely hit, not only
in the loss Of their expected income, but
also in the ruinous depreciation of their
shires. We are not disposed to shed
many tears on their account. Men who
seek an income from an evil traffic, ire
spective of the sorrow and ruin it brings
to others, deserve to lose it.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
Unhappy Man.

Tie man who voted for Cleveland feels
sheepish enough, but think of the feel
ings of the man who named his baby
Grover C.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
0ur National Afr.

In reading accounts Of the yacht races
l noticed that the English bands could
not play an American national air be-
cause "God Save the Queen" and
America" We're the same have never
found the reason why The Star Span
gled Banner" should not be our ma
tional air. have heard them all play
ed by the best bands in the country, and
there is none which sends a thrill of
gratitude at being an American through
me so as that grand finale:
And the star spangled banner in triumph does
wave
Der the land of the free and the home of the
brave.
Carlos in Boston Traveller.
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
NOn-PartiSan w I'll

Tho skowbegau Non Partisan W. e. 7. u
meets at the Parlors Of the g.. \. X. Hal the
second aud fourth Tuesdays OF each month
At three O'Clock. r NJ
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
Dizziness, Eaintness,

Extreme Lassitude, "dou't care" and
want to be left alone feeling. excl
liability, irritability, nervousness, sleep
lessness,. ilatulency, melancholy, or the
"blues,'"' and backache. These arc
sure Indications of Female Weakness
some advancement of the Lterus, or
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
Beaying-down Feeling

causing pain, weight, ard hnckache. Is
instantly relieved a ruanenly
cured by its use. L. ~ all circTn-
stances it acts in harmon with the LAWS
that govern tIe fem" > TEN. ami
is IS harmless as Wate.. 1t removes
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
lYYeguiaYity,

Suppressed or Painful Nen,tr'lat!9ns,
Weakness of the Stomach, Digestion,
Bloating, Flooding, y rvonS Prostra-
lion. Headache. Genera! Debility. Also
The Somerset reporter., 1894-09-20
Womb Troubles.

The whole story, however, is told in
an illustrated book entitled Guide to
Health" by Mrs. Pinl,lam: 1t con-
tains over 80 pages of most important
information, which ever woman. mar
red or single, should know about her.
self. Send 2 twO-cent stamps for 1t. For
The evening herald. [volume] (Shenandoah, Pa.) 1891-1966, 1894-08-07
1mnortant cantur, of Counterfeit.

NEW YORK, Aug 7.-Secret service OF.
ficers yesterday captured $4,000 of the
new Webster head counterfeit $40 bills
and twenty plates for printing the same,
also large amount of fibre paper The
officers also arrested j, W. Murphy, one
of the counterfeiters, who was held in
900 bail. There was also captured a
plate for printing new Garfield $40 note
These captures, together with those made
last week, are said to be the largest and
most important ever made by the service
None of the notes had got into circulation
The evening herald. [volume] (Shenandoah, Pa.) 1891-1966, 1894-08-07
Exrert phrenologist.

During Madame DeLeon's stay in Shen-
andoah, a gentleman brought a youth to
her for chronological examination, with
the request that she tell the gentleman
man POSSESSED. After enumerating ali
the good qualities, and he possessed
many the Madame quietly whispered to
the gentleman that if the lad was not
restrained he would become thief, The
gentleman smiled and said the boy had
already so proved himself and walked
out. merely saving that they were not
from Shenandoah. Other incidents oc-
Cured, but as the Madames business is
strictly confidential she would say moth
ing about them. Among her patrons We're
many prominent people of Shenandoah,
who had their talents and abilities told
aud went away well pleased. The
Madame departed yesterday for 226 North
Third street, PottsVille, where she will
remain two weeks.