The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1894-01-13
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
The Fatal Mistake That Took Old 81
Simmons Away.

Gone Fence-We do not mean by thls
that old 81 Simmons, who has been nang-
ing out in this neighborhood ever SINCE
the town was founded, has departed Tor
Utah or New Mexico for the benefit of his
health, but that his spirit, If he had one,
has winged it's way to that land beyond
the skies. He is stone dead and duly
planted, and we trust that we viii not De
charged with egotism when we say that we
pulled off the funeral in our usual suave
and graceful manner, and that not the
slightest hitch occurred from start TO
finish.
While old 81 was nearly 60 years of age.
he had the promise of about 60 more II ne
held himself in. He had only one special
ty, and that was trying to scare tender
foot out of his boots. Wherever soft
and juicy stranger came liTnping into town
old 81 claimed him as his mutton. IN
whiskered wolf, while his figure reminded
one of a two hump camel. To these he
added voice like the below of an enraged
TO be. ever searching for q fresh victim.
One day year ago we saw the old man
jump on a tenderfoot from Ohio and
brighten him into a fit which tied him up
fatherly advice to the effect that a limping
dead broke and discouraged stranger
would come along some day and fail to
see the point of his joke. He resented
Deceased on our notebook ever since.
Tuesday last, as we stood in front of the
postoflce, we saw pilgrim coming III on
the road from Mohave City. He had a
bundle on his back, a stick in his hand,
and his general appearance denoted seven
blisters on his feet and his native state
as Rhode Island. He had come from afar
and failed to strike a job and was in no
mood for funny business. Old ST caught
sight of the stranger about the same time,
and he borrowed an extra gun from Hank
1t. -
whiskers and hid in the valley beyond the
postoffice. We hear the old man chuckle
and see his sides shake with laughter
from where we stood. The tenderfoot
was taking it leisurely, lifting his feet
high and cussing the country as he set
them down again, but he finally approach
ed the alley. At the proper moment old
81 leaped out He had a gun in either
hand, a thundercloud on his face, and his
yell lifted our heels off the walk. He
confidently expected to jump that clam
eater over an eight fool billboard and
across a mile of sand. But, alas, his
wheel wabbled! Maybe the pilgrim was
expecting just such welcome, and maybe
he was chap who could gather his nerve
in about a second. At any rate old Sis
voice was still shaking the shingles on the
nearest building when the wayfarer out
with a gun and plugged him three times
as fast as he could pull trigger. The day
Nevada Bill pulled our editorial nose
we fired six shots in eleven seconds. but
the tenderfoot certainly beat our time
and every one of his bullets was beauti-
fully placed.
Cid ST was a dead joker when we got
to him. He probably lived long enough
to realize that our fatherly advice had
been intended for his benefit, and that
for once in his life he had bitten off more
than he could chaw. The stranger sat
down on a dry goods box and waited to be
arrested, but he was not taken into Gus
tody. He did just exactly as we should
have done. Out in this country every
SIJnnnG66 n 77a An6 dow 1,,l
night. When o shooting iron is leveled
on person, the idea Is that the chap
who Odds it means to shoot. That's the
first idea The second is to get the first
shot While the stranger was a tender
foot, hungry, lank and played out, he
knew the customs of the country as we'll
as the oldest inhabitant. His statement to
the coroner's jury was plain and straight
forward. and he didn't waste words by
saying he was sorry it had occurred
A purse of IS was made up for him, but
he refused it and hobbled on his way to-
ward the setting sun.
There are one or two other jokers in this
town who should take warning by old Sis
sudden end. Sometimes you can monkey
with tenderfoot and have more fun than
a barrel of jews harps. At other times
you run up against a streak of hot lead
neither a good citizen nor a bad one. We
shall miss him, land yet his place will
probably be occupied by. a better man. He
was buried with.al1is boots on, and the
hay was not removed from his wfiskers
He was no terror, but the boys thought
they would give him a fair show to begin
business on the other side.