The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1894-06-15

VARIETIES.

"A Southern soldier describes
man in his company, "a little Dutch
Jew" as the very incarnation of
cool, fmpudent bravado in tight."-
4 consistent fatalist, he summed up
his faith in one sentence-"You'l
never die till your time comes."-
Zone day he saw me lodging Il spent
mimic that came whistling uncomfort-
ably near. '''Hey, Dock.' he sang
out in his piping voice. Watts tie use
to dodge TEN pullets? Tey'll hit you
shust as veil we're you is as we're you
amt"
"A little boy whose Sunday School
teacher distributed slips of paper to
her scholars and asked each to write
thereon a New Years resolution, de-
cided to make resolve which he
would be able to keep, and to secure
the prize offered to the boy who at
the beginning of another year, should
have come the nearest 20 keeping it.
He wrote: Resolve, that will tri too
bee year older by mex moo years"
Mr. Binks-"I don't like the looks
of that young man who calls to see
Clara" Mrs Binks-"He looks ex-
actly as you did when you first came
to see me-" WAS l any such dude as
that?' Eyes, you were, and yet mar
ried you in spite of all my parents
could say; and L am afraid that in
spite of all we can say, our Clara will
be just as big a fool as l was"
"A young woman of Virginia, who
took occasion to correct the errors of
speech of little negroes within hearing
recently received a request from Il
pickaninny for small quantity of
classes" You must not say 'lasses,
Tom, you must say molasses, correct
ed his preceptress. wat does l
want to say 'molasses' foh." replied
the innocent II hain't had none
yit!"
The prince of Orange was leading
an army on a secret expedition, when
one of his officers urged him to con-
fide to him his plans. Can you keep
a secret?" asked the prince. Yes,
general" replied the officer, briskly.
$50 can I, was the princes conclusive
reply.
A schoolboy was asked how many
wars Spain had in the fifteenth cen
tury. six" the boy promptly re-
piled. ''Enumerate them" said the
teacher. lone, two three, four, five,
SIX" said the boy.
The dude was making the girl
dead tired by his long and vapid talk
on the advancement of women.
Don't you wish you were a man ?"
he asked, as kind of clincher. No"
she responded in the sweetest, most
womanly way do you?''
-Customer-''Di you tell me
when you sold that dog that it was a
bird dog?'' Dealer-"Yes, that is
what l said well, you swindled
Inc, that dog wont hunt" "Well, l
didn't say he would hunt. He's a
bird dog. Cook the birds for him.
That's the way he likes them best"
-Howson Lott-"ralk ofhorses! A
bicycle is the thing. Why, I've rid
den one for two years and it hasn't
cost me cent, even for repairs. Lon
Mower Gnquiring as to the make)-
"Whose?" Howson Lott-"Well, to
tell the truth, It's my brother-in-law's."
In descending the stairs, Tommy's
foot slipped, and he and the coal nod,
which he was carrying, ratified to the
bottom-"Here, here." shouted his
father from the parlor; What's up
there?n "Nothing's up. pa, shouted
back Tommy. Everything down."
Farmer Allow much did you
get fer yer 'taters?'' Farmer B
"Wal, | didn't get as much as much
as | expected, and l didn't expect l
would"
-Artist-Madame, it is not faces
alone that paint; it is souls. Mad
ame-"O, you do interiors, then?''