The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-18
THE A
A Humorous Reproduction Froma Col
Iege Magazine Of Ye Olden Time.

Correspondence Of the Progressive Farmer.
McCRAY, N. @.
In scanning the Kentucky Military
Institute Magazine, a college paper, of
1910, u eyes fell upon the following,
which we think good enough for pub
LEGATION. Enter grammar class of small
sprouts in prodigious standing class:
Teacher Parse man"
Pupil.-''Man is a common noun, of
the feminine gender"
Teacher. WHAT is that, sir?"
Pupil.-"Man is a common noun, of
the feminine gender, common cause he
can be bought cheap, and feminine gen.
der cause he's always got woman on
his brain; eigth person cause his wife
and children come first. is the objective
case governed by woman"
Teacher .-'Go to your seat, sir, and
put a wet cloth on your head.
Next: Parse woman"
Pupil.-"Woman is a female noun,
of the masculine gender"
Teacher.-"Mercy on US! What did
you say, sir9"
Pupil.-''She's a female noun, of
masculine gender; masculine cause
she wears the breechaloons, and is de-
termined to vote; is compounded of
cotton, whale bone, started smiles, sun
shine and thunderbolts; is in the first
person cause she's always the person
speaking; plural number cause she
makes more noise than a dozen parrots;
is the objective case and governed by
the fashions"
Teacher. -'fSit down, sir, and rinse
your mouth with prophylactic fluid.
Next: Parse boy"
Pupil.-"Boy is an uncommon nou
of the goslin gender and female per-
suasion."
Teacher. Thunder and bootjacksl
What's that, sir2"
Pupil.-"Boy is an uncommon noun
of goslin gender and female persuasion;
uncommon cause he's hard to find
now a-days, goslin gender cause he
soon enters the threshold of goosehood;
female persuasion cause he's always
got the heart sick about some female;
first person Big Ike; singular number
cause there's nobody but himself; in
the objective al and governed by his
embryo moustache, sheridan schapps,
and length of his daddy's purse"
Teacher.-"Go home, sir, and battle
your feet in mustard. Parse girl"
Pupil.-"Girl is an angelic noun, the
Grecianbend gender, and has mascu-
line tendencies"
Teacher.-"Oh! heavens, save u.s.;
those boys will never be raised. How
is that, sir9"
Pupil.-"Girl is an angelic noun
cause she paints her cheeks and loves
images; she's compounded of cosmetics,
flowers, fuss and feathers; is of mascu-
line tendencies cause she wears shirt
bosoms, paper collars and always has
her heart full of boys; singular number
cause the boys r afraid of them, and
matrimony is played out; third person
cause she's much spoken of, in the OBJ
jective case and governed by Gypsy
bonnet"
Teacher. Next parse fashions"
Pupi.-'Fashion is a tyranical noun,
of the common gender"
Teacher Catfish and blunder-
bussee9 What's that, sirQ"
Pupil.-''Fashion is a ~tyranical noun
cause it must be obeyed, and laughs at
a poor mans purse; common gender
cause everybody bow to it; it is COM
pounded of fountces, fimsies, ruf1les,
cuffs, furls, hairs, snares, Grecianbends,
fuss and feathers; it onc was in the
objective g and governed by Eu
genie, but is now in the nominative
case independent"
Teacher eco home, sir.
Next: Parse baby"
Pupil.-Baby is an obstreperous,
musical noun, of the neuter gender"
Teacher. What did you say, you
little imp9'
Pupil.-"Baby is a musical noun
cause it sings a soft tune between mid
night and day, especially of a cold
night; it is neuter gender cause it's
neither male nor female till it is big
enough to wear breeches; it weighs &C
cording to size, and measures accord
ing to proportions; is compounded of
milk and lungs, grows rapidly and
soon learns to smoke cigars, drink
spirits, talk short to dad, and make
love to the gals. 1t is also of the spoilt
gender cause it puts it's foot in the
gravy whenever it chooses"