The Penn's Grove record., 1894-06-08
HUMOR OF II DAY.

An transformations gift-A loan
Fun.
Mistress of the situation--The servant
girl.-Life.
Consumed with curiosity I'm familiar
viands. -Truth.
Gets down to work-The pillow
maker.-Truth.
A man never finds how dull he is till
he tries to live by his wits.---Life.
C~arver-"I'm but a newer of wood"
Marine Painter-"And I but a drawer
of water"
She-"Are these flowers all nature'"
He-"Yes, all except the price. Chi.
cago IntersOcean
In a fight between a %porcupine and a
bull dog recently, the latter was severely
outpolnted.-Puck.
She -"Diamonds arc like women's
hearts-the richest jewels in creation"
He-"And the hardest. Fun.
"Did you ever go to Bins, the t%ailorG"
eyes. Got two suits from him. One
| dress suit. One law suit. Very expen-
sive man wait.
It is curious how much faster a street.
car humps along when you are running
after 1t than when you are riding on it.
Richmond Recorder.
"Goodness me, JOHNNY What are
you crying about nowf "'Causc
| Tommy dreamed about eatin' pie last
night and I didn't Jour
nal.
"Why did your hired girl leave youl"
"She didn't like the extra work."
"What extra work did she have to do4"
"Collecting her wages" - Harper's
Weekly.
Merchaut-"Now here is a piece of
goods that speaks for ITSELF" Uncle
Hayseed-"Well, that wouldn't suit
Mandy. She likes to do her own talk
in'."-Inter. Ocean.
Father-"A hundred dollars for q
suit of clothesl I never paid that for a
/ suit in my life." Son--"Well, you'll
have to begin now, father; here's the
ill."-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Bingo-"Dear, after this you
MIST wear a dress auit down to dinner"
Bingo - "What for7" Mrs. Bingo -
sour new girl has been used to it,
Clothier and Furnisher.
He-"Do you love me, d~arling2" She
-"Sometimes I think I do; and then
again when you have that hideous, baggy
new overcoat on, I doubt the strength Of
my affection. "-Tid-Bits
Trotter-"Ihe hear that Grace Willough-
by is engaged to a real live lord" Bar
low--"Well, they claim he's alive, but
I've seen him several times and I'm
rather sceptical. Vogue.
snow we can fix him in this way n
said the lawyer. sob, talk is cheap"
said the client. "Well, wait till You get
through with this and see whether talk
is cheap o not."-New York Press.
"Don't you find him just as I repre-
scented hint" Lady Indignantly -
.'No, sir. You said he wa a bird dog,
and he hasn't sung a note yet, and I've
had him two weeks. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
At tho Chemistry Exam: (which is
the bcst-known ~insulator2" The Candi-
date "a young student, pale and thin,
with a bilious complexion and a savage
look about himl-"Poverty, sir!"-Le
Monde Illustre.
Mother quitting the boy out of the
pantry)-"How many more times will l
have to tell you to keep out of the pre-
serve jari" Small Boy (sobbing)-"No
more, mamma; they're all gone."-De.
troit Free Press.
Sport-"My watch loses something
every night aud seldom makes It up dur
ing the day. What ais it7" Jeweler
(relectively)-"EvidentlY it is trying to
conform to the habits of its owner."-
Jewellers Weekly.
Prisoner eyes, your Worship, I
committed the theft with which i am
charged entirely through tho instigation
of my medical adviser" Magistrate-
"You mean to say that in carrying cut
an experiment in ~hypnotism he sug-
gested the crime TO youf" Prisoner-"I
don't know about that; but one thing Ia
certain, he told me to take something
before going to bed."-Agends Prln-
temps.