Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1894-07-05

hopeless state of detection, even of mel
ancholy insanity, roved aimlessly about
the pavements. The club houses had
to hire extra accommodation for men
whose homes, bereft of the feminine
element, had become lOathsome and alb
horrent to them.
Beautiful suburban villas were left
deserted, the dust growing visibly upon
the furniture; domestic life among the
upper and middle classes had ceased to
exist The milliners' shops were closed;
suburban tradesmen were becoming
bankrupt; feminine parts at the thea
tres were played by youths, as in old
time, while the stalls and dress circle
presented an unbroken line of wretched
men, clad in tweed suits, dressing
gowns-anything; so demoralized does
man become the instant the refining
influence of woman is withdrawn.
There was another board meeting of
the spinsters at Miss Cloot's. Their
number was reduced by two recalci-
trants, who had been unable to resist
the New York fever and had deserted
the ranks.
"Idiotsv said Miss Cloot.
| Miss Cloot rose at the head of the
table and said:
Ladies, L need hardly tell you that
the operations of our society have been
and are complete success. In the
course of another week there will not
be a woman of any position, except
ourselves, in the metropolitan area.
Our secretary, Miss McSwinger, will
read to you the numbers of embarka-
tons for New York for theweell ending
yesterday; and Miss Gorgonia V. Nick
erbOcker, our New York factotum, is
now present among us, and Will set be-
! fore you the statistics of the hiring and
fitting up of new anneXes at the College
of Beauty, which at present accommo-
dates four million seven hundred thous-
and and odd ladies.
"You will recall to mind how, at our
| first and preliminary meeting, | said to
this College of Beauty, set forth in this
newspaper cutting, does not exist, why,
it shall exist; and we will create it!'
Whether the original college ever did
exist l do not know, but ours does. La
dies, it was an idea such as has seldom
occurred to woman since the beginning
of time. You came wisely forward and
threw in your money with mine to set
| this great work on FOOT our money has
now gone; but, by reason of the term
fees paid by the pupils, the college is
now entirely selfsupporting.
"NoW, ladies, is your time! All the
pretty women have gone to New York;
every month certain number of men
in this vast metropolis suddenly decide
to marry; for the last five months the
deciders have lacked the item indispen-
sable to the carrying out of their object
"a woman to marry. The domestic ar
rangement which they calculated upon
and had prepared for, in many cases
even to the laying in of Japanese fans,
scent cases, hanging wardrobes and
other articles of furniture, has been
hopelessly postponed.
1.-THE aggregate of outstanding mat
rimonial decisions has, owing to the
absence of helpmate to join the board
after allotment, become enormous.
"Ladies, those men must marry some
one, OF the scent cases and wardrobes
will lose their freshness, and they must
marry us, or none. 1t may surprise you
when say that they will prefer even
you to none; but you will find it is so!
Ladies'" she continued tive have
triumphed! Do you hear the murmur
without-the murmur of multitudes like
the ocean? 1t is the men! They know
that eleven eligible spinsters-not to
speak Of our excellent factotum, Miss
MacSwinger-are assembled in this
room. Look"
In two strides she had reached the
window curtains. She threw them
back. Without, the whole square and
adjacent streets were packed with
surging mass of stovepipe hats.
AS the curtains separated there arose
vast and deafening shout, while ten
thousand hands simultaneously held
aloft ten thousand wedding rings.
| Miss Cloot opened the window and
stepped out upon the balcony.
! "GentlemenW she said II must en-
order. 1t is impossible for us to accept
all of you; regret to inform you that
i II only amid your vast and imposing
throng can be made happy. Ifyou will
disperse in an orderly way, you can OBJ
tain Offer of Marriage forms, which 1
| will ask you to fill up with particulars
of your stations in life, incomes, charac-
| ters, and other details. | have made
arrangements so that the forms can be
obtained of any respectable chemist
bookseller, tobacconist, or house agent,
or at the Army and Navy or Civil Ser
! vice store.
"All applications will be considered,
and printed in the Times, Pink I'm,
Matrimonial News, and Exchange and
Mart.
81 will now entreat you to disperse
quietly, without demonstration. Good
day"
Three weeks from that time the twelve
spinsters were married at st. Georges.
Miss Cloot had accepted duke, seven
other ladies earls, one a wealthy brewer
two pill millionaires, and the remain
ing one poet laureate. Some time
after, the ladies began to return from
New York; whether they are any love-
lier | cannot say. Can woman be love-
lier than she is? Never mind; / don't
want a series of letters about it.
At any rate, those twelve ladies mar
ried at st. Georges are all very, very
happy which shows that, although
beauty and goodness are inestimable
gifts, wits are worth having.