The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1894-10-02
AN HONEST BURGLAR

maintain that it can be conducted
as honestly as any other Perhaps
am mistaken, but l certainly have
raised it to a much higher level than
it was when I first selected that
means of livelihood.
My motto, Honesty Is the Best
Policy-See2" is neatly engraved on
all my professional tools, and my IT,
tie of The Honest Burglar" will go
on my tombstone in due time and
when my strictly honorable exploits
can be safely mentioned with pride
by my relatives and friends.
/ always make point of seeking a
foeman worthy of my steal. Never
do enter a house, no matter what
inducements its contents may offer,
which has not the very latest scien-
tifc burglar projections. Ordinary
locks and bolts l positively refuse to
attack, and carelessly left open doors
and windows l disdain TO make use
of. leave those tidbits for dishon-
est burglars who take not the profess
sional pride that find so high toned
and profitable and so encouraging to
ones self respect.
Now that have properly intro
duced my honest self I'll tell story.
A wealthy chap who had made his
millions in way despise had erect
ed a grand mansion with all the
finest electrical burglar alarms
known to date. Every door and win.
dow was doubly protected, so the
slightest touch after the wires were
set would jangle numberless bells
and turn on the lighted gas all over
the house IL brilliant illumination.
IL addition to all that melodious dis
play there were telltale steps on each
staircase and tempting bits of silver
ware connected with wires to the
main battery left in plain sight by
the safe in the dining room.
All these imposing preparations, So
expensive and troublesome for their
owner, gave to me aglorious delight,
and l looked forward to attacking
them with all small boys Fourth Of
July enthusiasm.
At last the battle night came, and
with it Mr.. William hummer, my
active partner in the business.
Mr.. hummer was highly respected
in the profession. Like myself, he
never stopped to conquer and was
equally noted for his gentlemanly
ways and sturdy honesty.
Only once in his busy life was he
ever taken in and done for, and I
couldn't blame him bit either.
You see, he was making a profes-
sional call on a rich bachelor, and
while putting things away in the
handsome room he was painfully sur
plised by the sudden arrival of his
host with some gentlemen friends.
Not willing to seem intrusive, Mr..
hummer quietly slipped under the
bed TO await an opportunity for de-
parting pleasantly.
From his snug retreat Mr.. Mum
mer beheld six well polished boots
spread themselves comfortably on
the Turkish rug, evidently in shape
to stay awhile, despite Williams anx-
iety to catch the train for home.
Soon the Jolly gentlemen lighted
cigars and commenced telling funny
stories, ending each one with cho-
rus of hearty laughter.
William, who understood thep
er etiquette of not mixing in where
he wasn't wanted, kept a becoming
silence until a funnier story than
usual was told, and then, after an
agonizing struggle to choke down
Inns unfortunate mirth, he exploded
with a tremendous "Haw, haw,
haw' which frightened the gentle
men shamefully.
1t is needless to say that Mr.. Mum
mer had ample time afterward to
enjoy the joke while taking a little
vacation from business in the state
laundry.
But he soon recovered my respect
for his sterling qualities by trick
he played when cornered in fash
ionable boarding house one night.
While the landlady was ringing
the big bell and the alarmed board
ers were searching for him with
guns Mr. Mummer entered desert
ed room and promptly went to bed
with his boots on. There, with the
blankets tightly tucked under his
handsome chin, he lay yelling as
loud as the loudest and gIandly or
dering the bold warriors with guns
from his room when they rushed in
TO see if he was being murdered.
Twas lucky his bed belonged to
terror stricken maiden lady who had
sought refuge elsewhere. Otherwise
Mr. hummer might not have been
SO smart, after all. But he got out
of his scrape at daylight and TOOK his
swag. too, and consequently his fame
was undiminished by that episode