Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-02-05
PUT HIM OFF.

Po"el W aPply eloture. Judge.
PUT HIM OFF.
Ed (the bill collector)-'I'm one oi
the most popular men in town"
Ned-"Why do you think that?"
Ed-"Wherever 1 go, I'm always
asked to call again. Chicago Rec
ord.
FREE FOR ALL
Poet Observation-Disclosures: I say
with one of old, Let me write the
songs of a Nation, and l care not who
makes their laws.
Practical Friend-"Well, who's him
dering you. Puck.
WILLING TO ACCOMMODATE.
II should like to know when You
are going to pay that bill? I can't
come here every day in the week"
What day would suit you best ?"
Saturday"
every well, then, you may call every
Saturday"
FASHIONS PENALTY.
Customer-"Was it because your
business was SO dull that you dis
charged half your help?"
Drygoods Dealer - "Not at all.
The saleswomen wore such big sleeves,
you know, that we had to reduce the
force one-half or enlarge the shop. -
Boston Transcript.
LIES MOST SERIOUS ILLNESS,
MIR. Fainte-"Miss Rosalie, under.
stand that you have been attending
the lectures on How to Treat Ordi.
uary Illnesses?"
She-"Yes.
He drawing nearer)-"Can-can
you tell me what you would do for q
broken heart?"-Vogue.
TOO MUCH ON HER MIND.
"How long have we been engaged,
George?" she asked.
why since last August" he ans
wered.
IL couldn't tell whether it was
August or june" she replied. "You
see L keep getting you and Freddie
Smikens mixed. New York Mercury.
CLEAR CASE.
Arrival lat a. m.)-"Can I sleep
here all night?"
Clerk-"No, SIR"
Arrival-"Whats the matter ?
House full?"
Clerk-"No, sir; it's 1 o'clock in
the morning."
Arrival-"oh, all !''--Detroit Free
Press.
A COMPARISON.
Swell of the Period-"Oh Doctor.
have sent for you, certainly; but
must confess have not the slightest
faith in modern medical science"
Doctor-"Oh that doesn't matter
in the least. You see, n mule has no
faith in the veterinary surgeon, and
yet he cures him all the same. '-Tog-
liche Rundschau.
VAST PossIBILrrIEs IN THAT DIRECTION.
He-"What disagreeab)e things that
Miss Smarte can say I heard her say,
after the party last night, she was sur
prised that l had made such fool OF
myself"
She" ooh, I wouldn't mind. She
never would have said it had she
known you thoroughly" - Boston
NO DECEPTION ABOUT 1T.
"And when you told her she was the
prettiest woman in the world, you
think she believed you?"
"Oh, dear. no. Had she believed me
she never could have any regard for
my intellect. She knew I was lying,
and also knew that I must think a
good deal of her to tell such whop-
per. Boston Transcript.
The celebrated Signora Howlinski
was in the middle of her solo when
little Johnny Fizzletop, referring to
the conductor of the orchestra, asked !:
"Why does that man hit at the woman
with his stick?"
"He is not hitting at her. Keep
quiet"
"Well, then, what does she holler so
for?"-Yankee Blade.
ON HIS MIND.
Blaggins is one of the men who
speak disrespectfully of eminent peo-
pie. A great pianist was pointed out
to him recently, with the remark:
"Do you note the weary expression
of his face? He seems to have a great
deal on his mind, doesn't he?"
"A great deal on his mind?" re-
peated Blaggins scornfully; "oh, YES.
you mean hair. Washington Star.
ENCOURAGEMENT.
Elderly Fiance-'I hope you are
not impressed by the silly sentimen-