The Newtown bee., 1894-01-12
We've Got It At Last, Ye Crusty Old Bachelors, A Substi-
 tute For Woman.

We have been adding to our stock ot furni- ture at Hawleyvile d patented article espe a woman can. An article that, in some lines of labor, can accomplish more than any ten Of the Smartest women you can pick out be tween PasSamaquc ddy bay and the back bone Ot the Rockies A substitute and. really, ln many ways an improve ment long a time il is since improvement has been made, or even thought of, on woman as originally planned, you must ac- knowledge that we've "StrUck it Tich' for these hard times, but we wish it distinctly un derstOOd that we have formed no league tor the eXterminatiOn or crOWding of woman of the sphere. We still hold to the opinion that she is a real necessity bnt you know there are lots Ot men-crusty old bachelors, gener- ally-whO take an opposite view and believe that marriage and women in general are colossal failures of the first magnitude seem- lngly tender hearted men, too-lnen who would take pains to warm the water when drowning female infants. These are the men who argue that the first man and his prOs- pets and his descendants and their prospects were seriously injured, crippled and almost | plotted out by that miraculous surgical Oper ation on his rib. There thousands ot just | this class of men in the country, enough Of them so that it seems to us there must be | money in it for us to boom and push the sale l of this article and we have made arrange 1 ments with the manufacturers to keep us sup ! piled with all styl les and sizes. We acknowl. | edge that our motives are purely mercenary, l tor you must know that it is very distastefu1 | to us to willingly do anything detrimental to | the interests ot the fair Sex, and especially | anything that points toward substitution or | eXtermination, but, dear friends, times are hard and we must do something to keep the | wolf from the door. Hunger has even been known to cause men to sIay and eat boon | companion and fellow traveller. Our princi- pal industries at Hawleyville, as you have | been tOld are in the main furniture and the natural propagation of pollywogs. The pas | sage ot the silver bill did not seem to help us much. During July and August the polly wOg hatcheries in the great north trog ponds were in a wonderfully prosperous condition. | We could point with pride to countless mil lions; great fat fellows wi tn tails so large that they could almost waggle the wog. Hard | times,' with its insidious, invisible work ings, struck the country, and about the time | the Wilson bill was reported and so many in dustries suddenly became paralyZed we dis covered that every pOllywogs tail was be- coming pardlyzed also, and they finally
 dpP and now, Since the pl ess of fepea the country has been filled with heated discussions upon the tariff. the wogs themselves have followed the example set by the
 tails and dropped off also; not wog nor a tail to be found in all our vast expanse of | hateheries, and yet they have been held strict ly alOof from the contaminating influence Of the partisan press. There seems to be a mys- terious, unheard, unseen, sympathetic under current Of thought and feeling permeating | every town and hamlet and frog pond of our
 whether they will or no Such paralyzing of the wheels of infant industries" was never
 before known in Hawleyville. Therefore, | lair readers, we feel that you will pardon us
 tor engaging in the sale ot an article so detri
 mental to your interests. We trust the clouds
 will soon lift and we may be able to say and
 do something that will help your cause as
 much s we now injure it. In fact, we've got to- whether the clouds lift not tor come to
 think, we have one ot your own right in
 our family that we've sworn to look alter and
 sustain thro' thick and thin, storm and tenn
 pest. sunshine and shadow, tariff or no tariff.
 But to the men who don't believe ln woman
 and are looking tor substitute we say come
 and see us, we've got just what you want.
 You can run it yourself ii you want to and it
 can't run you. Wears no silks nor trills and
 eats no bon bons. Will do everything in it's line you asR it to- but sew suSpender but
 tons. It draws the line there (what woman
 doesn'D, but we look during the year for an
 improved button sewing attachment whereby
 we man right through without dis.
 robing him and in four to six revolutions sew
 on every button, mend his pockets and crease
 his trousers. In the meantime don't forget
 that, although the air is filled with rumors ot
 hard times, we are still distributing furniture
 at Hawleyyille of old and now headquarters in Western Connecticut for the NEW HOME SEWING MACHINE. Don't you
 buy till you see us; you'll be sorry if you do
 A. c. BAKER,
 Now Furniture Warerooms, Opposite Uniol
 Depot, Hawleyville. Conn.