The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-10-16
Betsy Brings the Dead Back to Life--A
Cyclone Passed Over the Major.

Cyclone Passed Over the Major.
B.-'Hello Mr.. Editor"
R-"Why, good morning Major. L
thought you were so sick that l would
not hear from you this week"
B,-"That il awl rite. Jist waite till
YOU git a wife like Betsy an you'll find
that a man can't always stay dead
wen if he wants to"
R.-"That is a remarBa able assertion
Please explain yourself"
Dwell, last week the news trum
Georgia wuz purity bad an kept gittln'
w11rse. The first telegram showed a
loss to us dymakrats ov twenty thou
san votes. The second a loss ov thirty
thousan, the third a loss ov forty thou
san. The next day they sed the loss
WIZ sixty thousan. Finally a tele-
gram sed they wouldn't be a thousan
difference. The nespapers suppressed
this an begun ter publish the ole tele-
grams ergln.
R.-"What has all that to DO with
your death"
B.-'Jist waite an I'll tell you. You
see we dymakrats are nifty nervous
an very consciencus. | knOWed IN
recon that eumpthin' bad wuz goln'
on in Georgia. I knowed we must
either git peat or steal the State. 1t
we are beat we'll be in hades an If we
have ter steal the State we will go
there a little later on. That IL Whut
ruined me. went ter bed an made out
I wuz powerful sick. Betsy thought
it Wuz so. fer she hadn't heard from
Georgia, But when she began ter hear
frum there she suspected sumpthln'
rite off. Then Tom Murphy cum along
an tole her how it wuz. She didn't
say ennything, but 1 seed she wuzenC
scared about me like she wuz. l went
asleep after awhile an dreamed erbout
the Georgia elecshun. L dreamed l
VENT ter Raleigh an talked with Chair
man PCu, of the demOkratlck eXecu-
tive kom nittee an he ~telegraphed the
Georgia folks to hold back the i
news, that it wuz ruinin' North Caro-
lima an the id pops are splittin their
shirts. I tOle him ter seud forty teie-
grams q day and tell 'em not only ter
keep EVIL bad muse back, but ter steal
the State if necessary. l reckon L
talked this out in M sleep an Betsy
heard me. When l woke up l could
see a thunder cloud or Bet5y's fore
head. She looked like 1 Of these double
decker cyclones. SEE ], Betsy I'm
gittin' weaker an weaker. Ny time
on earth il short. I want you ter send
fer Governor Carr, Capt. Coke or Mr..
John Thompson. Before l o the
great river l want ter shake hands
with a dymakrat one more time She
lowed 'Znke, if you really mean to die
your last request shall be granted, but
l want no dymakratiC promises in this
matter. If you mean to die tell the
truth about it. l know what is KILN
you, it il the muse frum the Georgia
election. If you want ter die on &C
count of that, all right Anvil this time
Iwuz rollin' my eyes an chokin'. Betsy
looked like she wuz gittin' in a better
humor every time death ratified in my
throat. l imagined she wuz thinkin':
This will be 1 vote less fer the dgma
KRAFT party if he dies 1t made my
blood bile. Then Betsy asked me if l
he'd emmy other requests ter make be
fore dyin'. ItO!e her no, that my only
regret wuz that ! he'd ter 20 before the
6th Of November. She wanted ter
know if [ wanted ter be buried In q
ldymakratic trust coffin an if l wanted
a copy " the dymakratic hand book
buried with me. She lowed she'd git
l ov Ransom's tariff speeches an use
it fer a burial robe. she also sed she
would zee that my grave was covered
with a copy ov the Wilson Bill al that
she would hev ) 600 uufujflled dyma
kratic promises stuck up Ground my
grave. Finally she lowed she would
telegraph President Clevelau an john
Sherman ter cum an offishiate at the
funeral. She sod Clevelan hes drank
so much beer that ne kin shed q whole
keg ov beer tears at one funeral. That
wuz the enterin' wedge, [ couldn't
stand Clevelan. l decided then an
there that l wouldn't die. l jumped
out ov bed rushed out ov the house,
an 1 don't expect ter go home till
after the 9Th ov November, an if
we dymakrats git beat won't go home
at all. Good bye"