The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1894-01-07
customs prevail


generation that the betrothal in America
mas assumed anything OF the serious and
dignihed nature which Is accorded To IL
abroad. A few Of our monied families
10 be sure, whose wealth enabled them 10
mix with Older countries, nave been pio-
neers in the custom OF making the en-
gagemcnt almost as serious "A matter as
the marriage. but IL Is only recently that
the usages Of intelligent people who nm
our lesser cities and towns have accepted
the idea.
In many places the engagement Of
young people is still attended with pro-
found secrecy. In country towns, any
rumor of the existence OF such q rela-
ton between a young man and y young
woman meets with the most indignant
denlals, even If the wedding day is set
| Secrecy seems TO be considered necessary
element OF happiness I'm the hetrothal OF
the country couple. Each party appears
wounded and indignant. a. over a per-
| sonal loss, when public rumor makes
their secret, neghborhood talk
Strange a girl can't talk 10 a fellog
twice without meddllng folks saving
they're engaged" cries the offended bride
elect And | wish folks would mind
| their own business, and let me tend 10
mine" says the prospective groom. Guess
] can look at a girl without marrying
her, can't ~ The couple which springs
marriage upon the surprised public
with least suspicion having been aroused
| considers itself most entitled TO credit
In these circles the much-engaged young
| woman thrves. She is "A product OF
American freedom. She could not exist
| elsewhere-the girl who Is engaged secret
ly 10 three young men at one time Each
OF the three believes she IS making a fool
Of the other two admirers. and is chuck
inc Will crf .rft
his marriage with her will OCCASION
But one morning he awakens 70 the fact
that he formssa third I'm the trio OF fools:
for she has married an unsupported fourth
admirer
| once heard Of amuch-engased lady
who. with thrifty forethought, retained
seven botrothal rings, after having made
and broken that number OF engagements.
Upon the occasion OF her marriage she
had these rings melted and moulded into
one massive guard, for her wedding ring,
surely the wedding fetter needed TO be
well guarded on such a brides hand. This
type Of coquette, 80 numcrously found
i'm American villages few years ago.
grows less and less as fashion demands
that the engagement shall be an am
nOunced event.
Professional people whose names are
public property are given 10 secrecy .c-
garding approaching nuptials, from OBJ
ylOus causes.
70 know that such sacred matter IL
discussed freely by ones nearest friends
is always painful TO the really fond low
ers; but to see II discussed under large
head lines with comments and anecdotes,
and ancient history OF the contracting
parties added. Is little short OF The agony
Of viylsectlon
But people who are not IN the glare -
public light, and who possess any social
claims. consider the announcement OK
their betrothal necessary 20 good form
Where the marriage cannot take place
for an indefinite period OWNS - my
cause we cannot blame the contractinif
parties. II they really love each other.
for keeping their secret as many months
as possible from the laxative public.
There is a happiness h. this period 81
life peculiarly it's Own-and never 20 DC
found again. Deeper JOY and more m
tense happiness may com Dut never
with the nameless charm of the days lust
preceding and just following ,he pe;rothal
For the woman, perhaps. the most oA-
cuisite time OF all is that season OF mn
gled certainty and doubt before her lover
commits himself in words. When every
look and gesture tells her That ne loves
nor bur his speech has never betrayed
mnre than admiration and respect when
10 noe ,iaver asked or Received more IMAM
a lingering pressure OF the hand at leave
taking. and yet she reads IN every sidn'e
az his eyes the lovers hunger Tor pos
session. However delirlous WIN pnss
NAV he the betrothal hour, something Oh
This peculiar happiness "hich sic n"'
exnerienced previous TO u goes ioi''
Win the surrender Of her lips ana nam.
Vet a new kind Of happiness tahe9 80
nlace-the delightful inter,hansc ~, -
adauces-the questioning "hen ne ht7'
49,, to care for her-thc confession Oh
bor ou.n sweet hopes and douD's-'"7
nlans FOR the future life together
ON sure no American woman VIZ
-, aver nagsed through the 'h''"'
s,ages Of this delicious experience w."
no willing TO change places WIN " -.
,,.,,cese whose lover is selected lot NJ,
ar the foreign young lady VINO ~ 49,,
allowed TO fan in love untll "'t'' 80
hatrothal at all events Nnons ,,.
cultured classes, the American -" ,,,hat
,,"o,ys the happiness OF the anteoeifo''a'
,od Thc chinese maiden never secs
81. lover until the welding day: 'h'l''
~, ~ great culture tells me that inu'n
,.anoonce and woOing takes place 'l'.
~ roar,tage In China-more man III ""'
ea,,n,rv and that married happiness ~
more universal, yet every Hs D.,-'.'
''or,sn,s heart viii ache for IN" 'hih'r'
Girl who IS never allowed 10 eAp''''"
he happiness Of an engagement
NE read Of highly bred h'roi'r,
novels. who never rerinlt even - -.
,,,ss bowever much enamored they may
S's' ., heir wooors, and Of lovers WHO
neyer demand more than a pressure OF '"'
81 nand OF the lady love until she "ediS
The crown OF wife, SO deep Is ihen re-
spect for her. ,, .,,,sh,o when
tho betrothal has been brought ABOUT ~
nsrents. but IL Is scarcely consHt'h WI"
The American style OF loye-makins' ~
lover who did not take ana inc n'"'
who ana not give loves seal 10 lhe en-
''a~ernent would be lacking In real senu-
ment ana ardor. u seems 70 NJ. -
prudence and romance would ooth "'""''
maj the Illusion OF the relation De -"
tsinea throughout, and that the inys'eIy
which hangs about the maide" SnDn
anvelone her 10 the altar a 100 steae
familiarity during the engagemen, haS
marrcd the happiness OF many no"s
moon. where Il has not resulted W 49,
ING the tie before II resulted IN lnd'''as
For many reasons long ensasen'''
~ he avoided, unless toinplSs"o" "
cause renders II a necessity.
- e impossible for two people Cd o.
- sex 20 become we'll acquainted
,,ntl after marriage. NO matter no"
,ono the engagement may be, ihcf' arc
qualities OF character and pecunaiih.s
~ disposition which marriage alone wiz
reveal A long engagement destroys mucn
ar me charm OF both the betyothai ana
the marriage; II Is a trying relation t0r
ho,h partiey. and has frequently cnded
An disaster where an early marriage might
nave resulted happily.
A long engagement Is as run OF per"
o.. hrief encagenent il OF delight,