The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-09-06

valid wife as his better half Boston
Transcript.
He (angrily)-@Why do people stare
at US SOP" She-~Probably wonder
ing, as we are. why we married each
other Truth.
FIRsT-~There is one sign that
should be placed over every letter
box in the city" Second-~Whati is
that?" Ffrst-~Post no bills. Yale
Record.
THE only difference between the
winner Of a race on the river and on
the ira k was that one rowed a boat
and the other rode a horse. Boston
Commercial
Mr. GRUAPPs-What boobies wOm-
en- are-always crying at weddingsl
Mrs Grumpps-You never saw women
crying at divorce, did yOu?=NeW
York Weekly.
JACK-"She says No to every
thing you say, doesn't she:" Tom
Not always. When 1 asked her if
she persisted in her refusal, she said
Yes. Life.
CLARA-@We girls are getting up a
secret society" George what's the
object?" Clara="I don't know yet,
but III tell you all after 1 am
Initiated. It'd Bits.
JUDaE="You have committed a
serious crimel DO you know what
the penalty for it tsp" Gu prit-
Sorry / can't oblige you Why don't
you look it Fliegende Blaetter.
LIMITED QUARTERS Mr.. Hayseed
lin the There's a wagon sellin'
condensed milk. I wonder wot that's
fer?" Mrs. Hayseed-~I guess that's
fer people wot lives in fats Life
SHE-If every atom Of the human
body is renewed every seven years, I
cannot be the same woman that you
married. He-Ive been suspecting
that for some time.-New York
Weekly.
NELLIE-Why do you send out
your wedding invitations so far in
advance? Mfllie-Many of our friends
keep their money in savings banks.
and have to give notice. New York
Weekly.
WHAT'S that noiser" asked Willie,
as the owls began to boot. Its a
howl, said his English nurse. ~Pohi"
cried Willie. Il know that, but
what is it that's bowling? -Harper's
Bazaar
Foee- Oh, you are too hard on
Flimsey. He has his faults, but
there is one good thing about him
DObbs-And pray what is that?
Fogg-He-er-I can't recall it just
at this moment.-Tid- Eits.
YOUNG HoUsEKE EPER-Have you
small hand bellows for blowing the
fire? Dealer-Something like that,
madam? Young hOusekee per-Y es;
that viii do. Ii you will fiji it with
wind and put cork in the end I'll
take it with me.-Life.
GUEsT-Will you not give me a
kiss, beauteOus creature? Walter
girl-Not much do / give you any
kiss. Guest (resignedly)=We then.
you might as well bring me portion
Of Schweitzer cheese and a glass Of
book beer.-German Joke
FIRST Have you sue
ceeded in locating your suspected an
archist? Second detective-Ye
have him dead to rights so far as the
house is concerned. But, you see, he
is a Mormon, and I don't know ex-
actly which bed he is under.-Mer-
chant Traveller.
CUsToMER-Wha do you charge
for arsenic? Drug clerk (suspici0usly)
What DO you want it for? Customer
Il I'm a French candy manufac-
turer. Drug clerk (suspiciOns a.
layed)-Oh, I beg pardon, sir; 1
thought perhaps you wanted it for
yourse1f-Ne York Sun
CHARLEY will soon be home again.
fresh from his studies, won't hep"
said a fond mother to her spouse. Il
don't think, my dear, that Charley's
studies can have the effect of making
him any fresher than be was when
he left was the old gentleman's un-
feeling reply.=Cincinnat Sun.
MISUNDERSTANDING you going to work
to-day, Pat? Pat-~ure, I dunno.
Ny ould woman says she'll break me
head If I don't, and the union men
will break me head if I do. sure,
these are hard times for dacint men.
I think I'll just take me chances
with the ould woman--New York
Tribune
OLD GENTLEMAE=Do you think,
sir, that you are able to support my
daughter without continually hover
ing on the verge OF bankruptcy?
yes, sir; am sure I
can. Old Gentleman-Well, that's
more than can do. Take her and !
be happy York Weekly.
-HEEE's a story about a coin that /
a man marked with his initials com I
ing back to him after an absence Of /
twenty three years. Queer, wasn't +
it?D ~Oh, I don't know. 1 passed T
a coin in a bazaar in Constantinople I
thirty years ago. and" at came 1
back to your" ~The same afternoon; I
it was counterfeit. "-PhiladeIphia
Call
a. GENTLEMAN enters telegraph
office: Al beg pardon, but as I was