The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1894-11-04
Farmer Stehbirs at Foot Ball.


While wakin up the village street, a
fghtIn there / see
Some twenty fcllers, more or less, as
fierce as fierce could be-
Twas in a medder nigh 10 where the
college late was built,
An not a proper place for blood to be
unduly split;
SO, very peaceable inclined, an apays
actin thus
l thought, I'm try what may be done to
regulate the fuss
My goodness, how them fellers fit! they'd
punch each other there
Like hungry cattle when the frost Is nib
bin through the air!
An one would pick up somethin' quick
an run off, fit 10 Kill,
With several others chasin' him, as chick
ems sometimes viii;
Then If he on his stomach fell, there right
in his distress
They'd pounce upon him, hard an square,
dozen, more or less.
An when my eyes untangled EN-, an
glanced EN- through an Ger,
To nay surprise ! found I'd seen full half
Of 'em before!
Young Caleb Stubbs, who once was raised
across the road from me-
But l had never thought, before, would
hurt an aiitn flea,
An Joseph Minks, who's arays fit when
eer he had a chance,
Was now as gay an much TO home as
Freedmen at dance;
An Thomas TUFTS, who's bein' taught so
he himself can teach;
An Samuel Strap, who's trainin' SOS TO
have a call to preach;
An Peter Pills, who'll some day strive 10
cure the world, no doubt,
Was strivin' hard, apparently, TO XIII an
wipe 'em out;
An several others all appeared to do what
death they HOuIl
From whom Ia arays looked for things
a thOusan' times as good.
An what still deeper troubled me, a lot
o folks near by
Didn't seem TO care to hold 'em back, an
wouldn't even try,
But sort o. toiled TO nep 1t on, an make
a hghtin' din;
An even girls would grit their teeth an
holler, Boys, 80 in"
An then / says, Chem feliers all appear
I'm Death employ;
II there's an undertaken here, he's she'd
din tears Of joy
An terrified at what they'd done, an
what they meant TO do,
/ struggled hard to reCollect Riot Act
But naught appeared that / could reach
on Memory's cluttered shelf,
An so / had, as one might say, 10 make
one UP myself.
L Wildly TuSleu INTO litlT must, an
yelled with all my might,
"See here, now, boys this school wasn't
built to teach you how to fightw
But sim they all kept on their way, as
fierce as fierce could be,
An none of them was blessed with sense
to listen unto me;
But while | still upheld the right, in
words | won't repeat,
Tn apparent cause OF all their fuss rolled
plump bttNiXt my feet
An then such buffetin amidst the angry
waves of STRIFE
I never yet had come across in all my
earthly life.
I've sported in a skatin' rink, an helped
TO dust the floor;
I've served as drift-wood in the waves of
Jerseys stormy shore;
I've cutChed a tall tObOggan slide, the
while my cheek did blanch,
Then, lettin' go, reluctantly become an
avalanche;
I've entered cars on Brooklyn bridge
twiXt five an six o'clock:
But these was only zephyr breaths beside
an earthquake shock!
They jumbled me, they tumbled me- some
several fellers deep.
Until give up every sense an feebly fell
asleep;
No one contiguous seemed 10 know, or
specially TO care;
But several fellers, with their faces all
black an blue an red,
Jumped up an down, a-waVin' hans an
shoutin, We're ahead!'
Now who's ahead?" says I. when a
lstenin' ear could fnd
whoever tits. here's one old fool that's
several rods behindi
Why are you studyin' carnage here-what
is this all about
An then they hollered, Football, Dad
we've gone an cleaned 'em out!'
Whereat l says, IF this is what you cali
"A friendly game,
Heaven shield me from your courtesies,
an help me dodge the same!'
Then everybody laughed an joked. re-
joicin' In the crimes,
An said. ''Old man, the trouble is, you're
way behind the tines"
An then ! said "Aii right! I'll keep be-
hind 'em. II you please;
Hind anything, 20 shield me from such
COINS on as these;
An when I'm anxious suddenly from this
world TO escape,
I'll go an dance on dynamite, an do 1t
up In shapev
viii Carleton, in Harper's Magazine for
November.