The Portland daily press., 1894-03-12
USING A GARDEN HOSE.
A Simple Operation That May Be Made to
Rival Circus.

A Simple Operation That May Be Made to
Rival Circus.
"Have you ever noticed the keen desire
Of the wise, sensible man to play with a
garden hose?n asked we'll known Oma-
ha man of a reporter. well, I guess
have no great kick coming" he continued,
''for I am as big chunp as any one else.
One summer evening my wife told my
son to go out and sprinkle the lawn. I e
boy grabbed the hose and was doing the
job in good shape thought he was hav-
ing too much fun, and u seemed to be
most pleasant job, too, for the evening
was very sultry. My wife and / had ac-
cepted invitations for party that even
ing I had on my evening dress suit
and was waiting for my better half to
make her appearance. In order to show
my paternal authority I went out to boss
the job and began to give orders like the
chief Of volunteer country fire depart
ment. In order to more fully impress my
offspring with my superior knowledge. l
gra bbed hold Of the hose and undertook
to show him how it was done. The young
man looked at me with disgust and took
refuge upon the porch.
II opened the seance by playfully turn
ing the stream on the dog, which was ly-
ing in the shade TO keep cool. I then be-
gan to play water over the lawn in sci
entific manner and soon became SO alb
sorbed in the work that did not notice
that was getting water all over my shoes
and the lower part of my pantaloons. My
son said nothing, bus he must have kept
up a lively thinking. AS the feeling grew
on me, became possessed with a desire
to wet everything IN sight, and in twist
ing the hose while walking around loos-
ed d coupling over which ] was standing
and was deluged with spray. This brought
me back to my senses, and realizing that
I had rendered my dress suit unfit to wear
that evening T made an exclamation that
would not look well in print. My wife and
lady friend who was going with us were
standing behind me, having just emerged
from the house They heard my profani-
ty. and my wife, who is devout church.
member, said, why, James, am aston
ished at your using such awful language.
She startled me, and in my confusion /
drouped the COMPOUNDED hose. There was
a kirk in it, and as soon as it struck the
ground it began to twist and squirn
around like a snake The water few IN
all directions, but most of it seemed 20
strike me or the ladies. Ny son and The
dog howled their delight in a shrill duet.
and the neighbors joined in the chorus. I
was soaking wet, so was my wife and her
friend. We finally made our escape into
the house, but you ought to have seen us.
We looked like we had passed through a
food My wife was so mad that she could
not speak for several minutes, and she
only gave me contemptuous look, and
with her friend retired to change her dress.
l went out and kicked the dog. My son
and I held short but very satisfactory
interview We didn't go to the party. !
came down town, and the clock in the
steeple was striking before started for
home, SO you can guess the rest. I man
aged to square myself with nay wife by
getting her new dress. When the lawn
needs sprinkling now, my son does it, and
give him rs cents for doing the job. ~
Omaha Bee.