The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1894-11-11
IFrom the New York Times.l

The WAYS in which a man can SuS-
rest to another that he is an ass are
many. They vary from the bare state
ment that he can trace lineal descent
from the quadruped, whose mouth the
Almighty opened to tutor Baalam, to
the delicate suggestion conveyed in the
question. Are you fond of thistles?'
The former is the plain and brutal
method which prompts the victim to
r-etort with a club. The latter is the
sarcastic way which makes him hold
you in detestation and damn you WITTY
faint praise behind your back, dlspar-
aging at every opportunity the capacity
Of your intellect.
Besides these there is the 1rlenoly
way. which amuses and half pleases
him, while at the same time he VIRTUES
uneasily as if he werernot quite sure
whether the sorrow weTh turned into
Joy or not OF these tAree varieties,
with all their gradations, it lis undis-
putable that the second is and always
has been the most popular. MANKIND
has always preferred the snarllng re-
tort; from the earliest ages II mas risen
most easily and naturally to the lps.
The serpent's retort on the Almighty
was to disparage him to Eve behind MS
back. and Gains snarl, Am my
brothers keeper?'' is an early instance
of the evasion of an imputed response
bility.
The "tu ouoque'" nature of the i'll
natured retort is found in records on
great antiquity. We can see 1t on the
walls of Egyptian Thebes to Illustrate
2 mural decoration at date anterior
to Adams starting Of the community
at large. 1t also forms a large pro-
portion of the Greek wit that has come
down to, us One or two Of these. IS
worth recalling. 4 native of Abdara
was INVITING a grown-up son with nav
ing a child to maintain, and advised
him to Kill it because Of the expense
which fell particularly upon the old
man. The son retorted, Just You Kill
your own children and then come and
advise me to destroy my little oner'
Another deals with the ancient Soho
lasticus Looking toward a certain cor
ner Of the school. he cries: 'DemaS is
behaving very i'll over there, as usual!'
He hasn't come yet" answers an
other pupil
When he does come, them is the
self-justifying retort
Generally speaking, the strong have
refused to put Up with testing from
the weak The Gar Nicholas, who
had some fine qualities was hardened
against a meditated act of clemency by
the undaunted spirit of a prisoner. Re-
left . man of letters, had been impli-
Gated in the conspiracy of 1925 and sem
Tenced to be hanged. He was launched
from the fatal ladder, when the rope
broiye and he was thrown to the
ground severely bruised, but con-
scious. He picked himself up and said
quietly, They can do nothing in Rus
STA, not even Irvine a cord properly" 1t
was customary in Russia to pardon the
condemned after a similar fiasco, but
on Relieffs words being reported to the
car and his pleasure demanded. he re-
Joined. Prove him the contrary"
Henry VIII. with all his vio-
1ence and tyranny, could bear
with retort as well as give
one, for he loved a witty man.
When it was told him that the pope
had sent the cardinals hat to Fisher,
bishop of Rochester, he said. He may
have the hat. but he shall have no head
to wear it with" and the bishop was
brought to the block. On one occasion
the turbulent Earl Of Kildare was
brought before the king. charged with
setting fire to the cathedral of Cashel.
81 own it" said the earl, but l never
would have done it had I not believed
the archbishop was in it." Henry
laughed and pardoned the culprit. His
Meath, who accused him to Henry of
divers misdeeds, and closed his arraign-
7nent with ''Thus, my liege, you see
that all Ireland cannot govern the
earl
Then" said the perverse monarch
tine earl shall rule all Ireland" and in
stantly made him lord deputy. be-
cause his good humor equalled his
valor.
Elizabeth resembled her father in hei
willingness to put up with retorts IRON
eaucy subjects and to pay them back
IN kind--not always with the Creates
refinement. The little scene with the
slI-fated Earl of Essex, when she boxed
his ears for insolence and he layed his
hand on his sword. saying that ne
would not take such treatment ever
from her father. Is familiar to every
one.
Going hack to still earlier dates, we
constantly find the impervious Planta'
genet kings giving and receiving re-
forts that bear witness of great indie
oendence among some of their power
mi subjects 1t was Edward [ who, OF
the refusal of the "Black Dog of War
wick" to join the king with vassal:
and supplies for the war. said: ISL
earl. you shall either go or hang" Tht
retort was Sire rex. ] viii neither 81
nor hang
Henry " of France was good ma
tured above most monarchs IN repartee
As a rule ii is impossible TO reproduce
in conventional English dress the jest:
of this wise and witty king. On one oc
casion it was the turn OF N. d'Aubign'
to sleep in the kings antechamber
Fancying the monarch was asleep, hi
began to talk to NJ. de Ia Force, whC
shared his watch, saying: your master
is the most ungrateful of men," IL
Force. half asleep. asked him what h
was talking about, when Henry cried
out: wake upi He is telling you l an
the most ungrateful Of men,
pray go 10 sleep. sire" interrupted
dAubigne I'VE have a great dea
more to say about you" Henry nevel
showed less kindness to mis- servant OF
account Of what he had overheard
But the cynical generosity Of Fred
erick the Great is unique. A lackey
who owed him a grudge had deter
mined to poison him. One morning h
brought in the kings chocolate and ap
peared visibly troubled in countenance
what ails you?" said Frederick. look
ing fixedly at him. you look as if vol
had put poison in my food" TIL,
wretch fell at his feet and avowed hi.
crime Get out Of my sight, you scoun
drelr' said Frederick. and took no fur
Their notice of the mans attempt t.
murder him.
A delicate compliment is a work o
far higher art than the most biting sar
casm. Every one knows the story o
the poor creature who found himself
seated between Mime. Recamier ant
Nine de Stael. and managed to offend
them both by saying that he sat be
tween wit and beauty, and was crushed
by the retort of Nine. de Stael, wht
replied that he possessed neither
Cllrran'S friend WAS equally ficlxie1