The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1894-11-24

but Mary Ann begged me to stay an
help hur abute the house. an so Dugan
wInt out an got the bottle filled, an we
both stayed in the house. Dugan an
Oi sat down wild the bottle betwane us,
an watched Mary Ann make stufIin' fer
the turkey. BY the tonne that she got
the stuffin7 in an well driven home, an
was ready to sew up the wound in the
afther part of the turkey, Dugan an Oi
had drunk enough liquor to make us
feel very lush.
"Ye axed me to stay home, Mary
Ann" sez Oi, "Bud Oi don't see phat
we wanted me fur, ye havn't axed me to
help ye amy"
"Wull," sez she, 'Oi fought that
maybe ye wud be useful, bud OF can
get along widout We. However, if We
tink ye can sew up the slit in this tur-
key ye can do it, an Oil pitch into the
biskets."
"If OF tink, is ?" sez Oi, ''sure Oi
concade that Oi have pretty guide oidea
av surgery, fur Oh held Dec33yy MOnyhan
whin the doctor amputated his leg, an
OF wus also standin' close by whin they
sewed up Pat Riley's troat afther he
troid to commit suicide. If Oi can't
sew up the boick dure av dead turkey
afther all this, thin Dim no guide"
Oi tuck a nadle an third. an afther
stitchin' the two soides natelY tOgither,
put feather-stitch on aich soide, an If
Oi do say so, it WAS job that no wan
made be ashamed av.
Dugan an Oi kept gettin' more joyful
over the bottle, an aven Mary Ann
jined in our mirth to certain extint.
Afther the turk had bin in the oven
some time Mary Ann opened the dure
an PLAYED peek-a-boo wild it wild big
spoon, IN thin turnin' TO me, seZ:
Now, Phelan, the turkey is doin'
splendid, an Ol tink Oi can lave it in
fur short tonne. Oi have got to go
over to Mrs. O'Hara's to borrow some
sugar, an OF want yez to baste the tur-
key few times, livery minute or two"
"An' why shall Oi baste it ?'' sez OF.
"Why, so that he'll be well SEASONED
and tinder, to be COURSE" sez she.
"Oi don't exactly see the point, sez
Oh, bud you know your business besht
1t Is now two minutes av tin, and whin
the clock strokes tin, Oi wull baste
him. Is that the oideap"
Exactly" seZ she, an out she wint.
Ibid yez hear that, Dugan ?" sez Oh.
"Truth'n OF did, sez he. 'Baste the
burd whn the clock strikes tin, to
make him well SEASONED an tinder."
Correct" sez Oi. Where wud you
hit him fursEt?'
"On the boick," sez he.
"Watch me-" sez Oi, au' wild this OF
lifted the turk out on the table. Oi thin
grabbed the rollin' pin an waited for
the clock TO stroke tin.
Are ye luckin', Dugan ?" sez Oh.
"Oi am" seq Dugan.
On the sthroke ay tin Oi made q
swoipe at the turk, an the foorce av the
blow bhroke him in two. Oi had jist
got the pieces boick into the pan again
an was waitin' fur another lapse of two
minutes, whin Mary Ann came. An
whin she saw the wreck she let yell
loike she was in pain, an began prap-
Gin abute the room loike q hin wild her
|
head cut off.
"Howly mitlier av Moses ~ seq she,
"phat in the name of the divil have ye
been doin' wid the Thanksgivin' tur.
key2"
AN didn't you tell me to bastc
him 2n sez Oi.
"Oi did," sez she, bud Oh didn't tell
ye to cut him IN two wild the axe"
"Oi lave it to Dugan, here" sez Oi,
that ye tould me to baste the turkey,
an thought Oi had followed yer in
structions to the letter, fur Oi basted
him over, the boick as harrud as liver Oi
cud widthe rollin' pin"
"Oi don't doubt your worrud In the
least, sez she, fur the exprssion on the
burd wud lade wan to tink he had been
hit wild brick house."
| OF don't know how she liver managed
to git 1t into shape agin' fur cookin', bud
she did, and whin it came on the table
Oi culdn't see that 1t tasted amy the
wurse. Oi learned later that by bastin'
grease over it wild spoon, but whin she
tould me TO baste him, Oi fought nv
cOorse she meant to use club. Moth
in happened at dinner to mar the pleas
ure Of the occasion, an 1t was as nate n
little Tanksgivln' spread as wan wud
wish TO sit down TO.
The Pittsburg Dispatch tells how, at
hotel, Frances Willard and Lady
Henry Somerset drank from suspi-
cious- looking bottle. 1t turned out to
be unfermeDted wine, was pronounced
harmless and quite beneficial, but tho
temperance women would not have 1t.