Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-02-12
JUST FOR FUN.

Johnny, is your father firm man?'
eyes, mann, wen he knows he'
wrong"
Until recently the situation in Haw
iii was "Barkis is willin'o Now, OWL
lis is barkin'"
I didn't know Suffer was an active
worker in the church. Well, then you
have never seen him at church sup
per.
| Mother-How did this ink get all
over this table? Small Son-It run out
all by it's own self, quick as the bottle
upset.
The man who wrote s'one-half the
world doesn't know how the other
half lives" never could have lived in
small country town.
Mother-Did you pray you might
be made better girl? Little Ethel
forgot about Eat, but I prayed Eat
Johnny might be made a better boy.
Deah me, said Chappie, as he DON
ned his sixth costume for the day,
I've been working like a horse! Ya'as,
returned Doody, who is brighter than
he looks, like clothes horse.
Deans Rheumatic Pills absolutely cure
| Rheumatism & Neuralgia. Entirely vegeta-
BILE. Safe.
An invalid, after returning from a
Southern trip, said to friend, ooh
shure, an it's done me a wurruld o.
good, goin' away. I've come back
another man altogether. In fact, Pm
quite meself agiu.''
"What in the name Of Jupiter have
you sewed up all the pockets Of my
overcoat for?" asked Mr.. Wilson. "My
dear, "said Mrs. Wilson, 81 have an
important letter to my milliner that /
want you to post.'
Jenny-Papa, our cook must be very
good. Papa-Why, my dear? Jenny
Because in my lesson last Sunday it
said that the wicked shall not live out
half their days, and our cook says she
has lived out all her life.
Miss Antique (proud of her lineage)
We came over in the Mayfower,yo you
know. Chumley (who knows nothing
about the Mayfower or anything else,
but wished to be agreeable) Indeed!
and did you have a pleasant voyage?
They are telling of woman in Lon
don who bequeathed her whole for
tune to the editor Of a newspaper be-
cause she had SO many hours enjoy
ment from the perusal of it's contents.
This is what may be called true graft
tude.
Coughing Leads to Consumption.
Kemp's Balsam will stop the cough at once
'sWhat did you learn at Sunday
school, Harry?" said his mother after
his first visit to that institution
s'Nothing.' s'Nothing? What did the
teacher talk about?" "Only that they
put dandelions in the lions den, and
he wouldn't eat 'em."
Mamma-Tommie, what are you go
inG to buy mamma for her Christmas
gift? Tommy Why, momsy, dear, I've
thought and thought about that, and |
decided that the best thing could
get for you would be pair of new
skates for your little boy.
Here is subject for our teachers to
debate: "Resolved that a woman
looks more wicked just after her wash
line full of clothes busts and falls in
the mud, than a man who tries to kick
the stars on wet, icy pavement and
comes down on his back with heavy
dull thud."
Tt is said that man in neighbour
ing city told burglar who entered
his house the other night, that all the
in the house was in the pocket
of his wife's dress. The burglar be-
gan searching for the pocket but it
was daylight before he found it, and
he was arrested on leaving the house.
A train was rushing along through
some swamps in Northern Indiana.
The track was fringed on either side
with ''cat- tails,'' literally thousands
Of their brown heads bobbing around
in the breeze. A small boy eagerly
drank in the scenery. He was evil
IDENTIFY a city bred boy; for he pres
emily exclaimed, "Mamma, I didn't
know that sausages grew in that way"