The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-05-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Experience tries to teach some very
slow pupils. Puck.
Fogg refers to his glasses as an over
sight. Boston Transcript.
If advice cost anything we would all
spend money to get --Atchison Globe.
Gossip is talk about other peoples
affairs which are none of our business.
Truth.
1t is hard to be grateful to the man
who fought your battle for you and
got licked. -Siftings.
Necessity may be the mother of in
vention; but, more often than not,
she is childless ss-Puck.
1t is useful, often, to hold your
tongue but far more so to know how
to hold your pen. Puck.
Teacher -''What is it, Harry, that
stings like an adder?" Harry--"The
end of leather strap. Truth.
'You've the advantage of me, sir,
said Pompus, loftily. Naturally, as .
I'm not you," replied Secus. Puck.
'Delay is dangerous, remarked the
train-robber, as he requested the pass
engers to hand over their valuables.--
Puck.
Waiter-''What kind of fish will you
have, sir, bluefish or whitefsh? ?" Guest
81 don't care; I'm color blind. =
Halo.
"Does Flagson practice what he
preaches?" Great Caesar No; he
never gets through preaching. Inter
Ocean.
When it transpires that speaker
has only one idea his audience is
always anxious for him to carry IT
out.--Dallas News.
Jillson says he has noticed that
when discreet man goes to the pawn
brokers' he generally puts up and
shuts up.--Buffalo Courier.
Her tastes were so expensive,
So inclined to prices steep,
She was uniformly silent
From the fact that talk is cheap.
Puck.
''I fear," sadly said the postage
stamp, when it found itself fastened
to a love-letter, "that 1 am not
sticking to facts. indianapolis Jour
nal.
Teacher--'I don't suppose any one
of the little boys here has ever seen
whale" Boy lat the foot of the class
--"No. sir, but I've felt one. Brook
lyn Life.
Irate German Ito stranger who has
stepped on his toe frent, /
know mine feet vas meant to be walked
on, but dot privilege pelongs to me-"
Tit-Bits.
Yager-"I made ont ringing speech
in my life, anyway" Chorus (de-
risively)-"Where, when?" Yager-
"Ihe night proposed to Mrs. Yager.
Buffalo Courier.
Lady lin book store)-"Can you
tell me where Packer Institute is?"
Clerk trying to think)-"Tm not
sure, madam, but should say it was
in Chicago. Detroit Free Press.
If men were true to their first love,
as stage heroes, novels and women de-
mand that they should be, every man
would marry the cook who made him
little cakes when he was boy
son Globe.
First Samoan Belle--"What horrible
instincts those Christian women must
have" Second Samoan Belle-"Why,
dear?" 81 am told that they actually
wear live lizards for ornaments. -
indianapolis Journal.
Ambitious Young Person-"What
do you think is the first step one
should take in order to become a poet?"
Experienced Editor (thoughtfully)-
"Well, 1 should say take out life in
surance policy. ."-Somerville Jonrnal
"Ihe next gown shall issue, said
the ladies' tailor, twill be the triumph
of the century" "Indeed," said his
humble assistant. eyes, indeed. 1t
will be impossible TO tell from its
shape that there is woman IN 1t at
all. indianapolis Journal
Ii You would know the difference in
the speed of the shooting star and the
canal mule, quietly observe man in
the act of taking money from debtor
and thrusting it into his pocket; and
then watch him as he takes a dollar
from his pocket to shower upon
creditor. Puck.
Pendragon "Hello, Wordleigh,
you're looking way up. Where'd You
get you're good clothes?" Wordleigh
ooh, I'm doing finely Getting
rich. Pendragon why, how's that?
The last time / saw you you looked
like a tramp, and complained that you
couldn't get an article accepted. "
Wordleigh-"Oh, yes; but now I'm
reading series of unpublished manu-
scripts before the Bellamy Literary
Club. Brooklyn Life.
'Look here, have come TO the con
clusion that it is all humbug with
your vegetarian principles The other
evening l was at a vegetarian club and,
true as l am alive, most of the mem
bers present were actually gorging
themselves with beeisteaks !" THAT
is easily explained. Any member ar
riviuo late IN a elub nluht is com