The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1894-04-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

hS loh
Experience tries TO teach some very
slow pupils. Puck.
If advice cost anything we would all
spend money to get it. --Atchison Globe.
Gossip is talk about other peoples
affairs which are none of our business.
Truth.
1t is hard to bo grateful to the man
who fought your battle for you and
got licked.-Siftings.
Necessity may be the mother of in
vention; but, more often than not,
she is childless Puck.
1t is useful, often, to hold your
tongue; but far more so to know how
to hold your pen. Puck.
Teacher what is it, Harry, that
things like an adder?" Harry The
end of leather strap. Truth.
you've the advantage of me. sir"
said Pompus. loftiIy NATURALLY, as
I'm not you," replied Secus. Puck.
"Delay is dangerous, remarked the
Srain-robber, rs he requested the pass
engers to hand over their veluables.-
Puck
Waiter-"What kind Of fish will you
nave, sir, bluetish or whitctish ?" Guest
q don't care; I'm color blind. -
Halo.
'Does Flagson practice what he
preachcs?" Great Caesar! No: he
never gets through preaching" Inter.
Ocean.
When it transpires that speaker
has only one idea his audience is
always anxious for him to carry 1t
out. Dallas News.
Jillson says he has noticed that
when discreet mau goes to the pawn
brokers' he generally puts up and
shuts up. Buffalo Courier.
Her tastes were so expensive,
SO inclined to prices steep,
She was uniformly silent
From the fact that talk Is cheap.
Puck.
81 fear" sadly said the postage
stamp. when it found itself fastened
to love letter, that am no,
sticking to facts. .--IEdiuuSpvli5 Jvur
nal.
Teacher--'I don't suppose any one
of the little boys here has ever seen
whale" Boy (at the foot of the class
mo. sir, but I've felt one. Brook.
iyn Life.
Irate German Ito stranger who has
stepped on his toe)-"Mine frent,
know mine feet vas meant to be walked
on, but dot privilege pelon3s TO me-"
Tit-Bits.
Yagcr-'I made one ringing speech
in my life, anyway" Chorus (de-
risively)-"Where, whcn?' Ysger-
The night proposed to Mrs. Yager."
Buffalo Courier.
Lady lin book store)-"Can you
tell me whore Packer Institute is?"
Clerk trying to think -"I'm not
sure, madam, but should say it was
in Chicago. Detroit Free Press.
IL men were true to their first love,
M stage heroes, novels and women de-
mand that they should be, every man
would marry the cook who made him
little cakes when he was boy.-Atchi-
son Globe.
First Samoan Belle What horrible
instincts those Christian women must
have" Second Samoan Bellc--"Why,
dear?" 81 am told that they actually
wear live lizards for ornaments. -
Indianapolis Journal.
Ambitious Young Person-"What
do you think is the first stop one
al M taE in 30 q
Experienced Editor (thoughtfully)-
"Well, / should say take out life in
surance policy. "-Somerville Jonrnal.
The next gown shall ISSUE" said
the ladies' tailor, "will he the triumph
of the century" 'Indeed," said his
humble assistant. "Yes. indeed. 1t
will be impossible to tell from it's
shape that there is woman in it at
all. "--lndianapolis Journal.
II you -'ould know the difference in
the speed of the shooting star and tho
canal mule, quietly observe man in
the act of taking money from debtor
and thrusting it into his pocket; and
then watch him as no takes dollar
from his pocket to shower upon a
creator. - PUCK.
Small Boy Ito grocei)--'1f you
please, Mr.. Wellby, my mother wants
to know il you will give her all al
manac?" Grocer Cleaning over the
counter) But, my little man, your
mother does not get her groceries
here" Small Boy-"No, Mr.. Wellby,
but we borrow your wheelbarrow."- -
Ttt-Dits
Pendragon "Hello, Wordleigh,
you're looking way up. Where'd You
get you're good clothes?" Wordleigh
-"Oh, I'm doing finely. Getting
rich. Pendragon-"Why, hows thatp
The last time / saw you you looked
like tramp, and complained that you
couldn't get an article accepted. d"
WordleiSh -"Oh, yes; but now I'm
reading q series of unpublished manu-
scripts before the Bellamy LITERARY