The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1894-11-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

you drink ii, sir.-Lye.
Does she love music??" "M-yes;
but not enough to keep away from the
piano. = Washington Star.
Lieutenant (admiring his image in the
mirror yet they call women the
fair sex.-FEiege1sde Bldtter.
Oddly enough, it is the pull gamb-
ling house has that keeps it from get
ting philadelphia Courier.
1t seems unfortunate that mans eau
ton bump was not placed on the front
of his head Galveston NeWS.
1t goes against an old mans grain to
find his son sowing wild oats, drinking
rye, and getting corned.-Rjcay,aqe.
While man may smile and smile and
be villain, woman may do it merely
because she has new teeth.-Phttdde!-
phta Times.
Really it does not matter SO much If
some people refuse to saw wood if they
will just agree to say nothing.-GdlceS-
ton Ne1Cs.
Mrs Dix-Don't you find it awfully
hard to get domestic help? Mrs. Hicks
Never tried to; take up with the i'm
ported. Truth.
A shoe store ought to be delightful
place to work in. There's so much go
ing on there all the time, you know
Boston Transcript.
"On what does Skiffins base his suit
for libel?" "On casual reference to
him as the ideal juror in capital case.
Washington Star.
Staylate (early in September We'll,
l must be going. Miss Hicks-O, don't
be in a hurry. Our lease runs until next
May.-Harper'S Bazar.
In Siam wives are sold after they are
divorced. In this country they never
seek divorces until after they find them
selves badly sold.-GdtUeSton NeaUs.
Miss Underhill-I have been told that
you are poor. think that we had bet
ter break our relations. Stewart
have broken all mine already.-1ruth.
The better times are starting boom
in weddings. Evidently the tailors'
strike has not prevented the young men
from pressing their phia
Record.
"Grump has at last solved the prob
lem of abolishing distress in the
world" What's his scheme?" 60
starve the poor off the face of the earth!o
TRUTH.
Sometimes, said Uncle Eben, "yoh'll
see Ell man wifi er million oh cash lookin'
worried ter def an Ell man wifi er watah
million lookin' puffickly happy. . WASH
nagt0n Star.
Clara Were there any marrying
men down at the beach last summer?
Cora-Yes; there were two ministers
and Justice of the Peace.-Y0nkers
Statesman.
Edith am so glad, papa, that auntie
gave me 4 prayer book for all my own.
so now | can say my prayers without
costing you a single cent. "-NeWport
Daily NeCs.
Doctor would advise you to take
quinine in all the whisky you drink.
Old Pepper-But, great Scott! Doctor,
isn't quinine in such quantities injuri-
ous?-Judge.
Her Father (sternly) -Young man, do
you play poker? Her Suitor-Why-er
that is, once in a while, l er--. Her
Father-Well let's have a game
Syracuse Post.
Caesar was a lucky man. He could
go around where he pleased and his
wife never asked any annoying ques-
tons. She was above suspicion. Dos
ton transcript.
An artificial cooling apparatus COM
pany has failed in Boston. Cerlainlvi
Why not? What would they want with
artificial cooling concerns in Boston,
Yonkeys Statesman.
Wilks-I heard the girls talking today
about some fellow they said could make
any woman happy. wonder who it
Is! Jilks-Spriggs, the man milliner.
detroit Tribune.
Humanity's good or bad qualities have
much to do with humanity's incomes.
The blind beggar, for instance, makes
his money because he is simply out of
sight.-Bufal0 Courier.
Proud Father (to friend This is my
youngest boy. Frank, this is Mr.. Jack
SON. Frank (brightly)-Is that the man
who mamma said yesterday had more
money than brains?-Iruth.
Il suppose while you were abroad,
Tompkins, you made quite a collections
of coins" mo. 1t was too expensive
The only thing could afford to collect
was hotel keys. "-Hayper's Baz@'.
you say he made his mammoth
fortune by one stroke of genius Some
great invention, SUPPOSED" Mop;
cornered the arnica market right on the
eve of the football season. Buffalo
Courier.
How does it happen that the sun sets
in the west?" asked the teacher. at
does it accidentally" replied Benny
Blivens, who was kept in half-an-hour
after school for his smartness. Pitts
burg Telegraph
Mrs. Smythe-There is one thing
about the outlook | don't like. Mrs.
Jenkins-What is it? Mrs. Smythe-
The United States Senate may be abol-
lshed before we become eligible to men,
bership.-Broohlyn Life.
Wagstaff-W Where's that famous dog
of yours that was such a good Judge of
tramps? Hopscotch-I was obliged to
give him away. To be frank. when /
came home from the races the other
night he bit me.-Judge.
Servant-Miss Penstock told me to tell
you she had gone out shopping. sur.
Dashaway-Queer she should say that.
Why, she did not know that | was go
ing to call. Sewant-She said she
feared it, SUN. Y. Herald
I'm going to have that stock inyesti-
gated" said the investor. There's been
a good deal of funny business in that
True" said Barlow;
land I'd advise you to employ diver
to do your investigating, there's SO much
water in Wallpapers Bazar.
And Rapps won't go2 Why is it
we can never get him on any OF our
trips?" well. you know his work
never allows him to leave New York
even for day" why, didn't know he
was SO confined as all that Yes, in
dead bp writes hooks of tr,ya{ " Y