Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-09-28
HERE AND WHERE

HERE and MERE,
"Allow me" remarked the book agent,
g%raciously, "to present to you the merits
OF this little work, How to Be Happy
Makes the old young, the weak strong,
the respondent merry, the sick we'll, the
sad gay, the morose happy, allaye grief,
cures the blues, imparts. a silver lining to
the clouds and gilds the pathway Of life
with the glittering sparkle Of complete
joy. Allow me to-
His nearer turned away, picked up
the lower part of his face from the floor,
and smiled a sad, sorrowful smile. "No!
No!p he shuddered, convulsively, "It
cannot be. I am a populistw
With a wild shrek, the book agent.
flung his work into the open CRATE, and
sank senseless to the carpet.
Although Mr.. Creedon ate nearly q
soda cracker box full Of Pink Pills
prior to his encounter with Fitzsimmons,
he fell ehort several thousand of having
eaten enough to put him in a winning
condition. [ do not know whether he
failed to take the pills according to direc-
lions, or whether somebody worked off
come pills on him which we're not genu-
inc. 1t is hard to say. But something
was wrong, for every time Fltzsimmons
brought one of his pile-driver fists to
bear on Mr.. Creedon's visage, Pink Pills
stock dropped from ten to forty points
at a clip, and in the second round the
market was glutted with 'em, and
the bears had everything their own
way. At 10 close of the first
round, Creedon ate four large platters
full of pills, while Fitzsimmons stepped
into IN adjoining blacksmith shop, and
hammered out ploughshares with his
bare fists. And in the second round,
Mr.. Fitzsimmons rubbed nearly a pint
of melted pig-iron on his knuckles, and
with n revolving swing of the trip
hammer which reposes at the end of his
right arm, he administered a blow to
Mr.. Creedon and his pilis,to Offset which
it will, require 2,875 columns of testi-
monials printed in solid type. Fitzsim-
mons is the only disease which the pills
have ever failed to combat successfully,
and I would advise Mr.. James Brutus-
Booth Corbett, every time he glances in
Mr.. Fitzsimmons dlrecticn,,.to partake
literally OF. some reliable sarsaparilla,
and fortify himself with frequent pota-
tons of beef, wine and iron.
It strikes me as being both unjust and
uncharitable for the majority of pop,
demi-pop, and pop.for-revenue organs of
the state, to unite in c%ondemning the
attorney general-the% brightest and most
luminous star in all the galaxy Of bril-
llants which compose the present admin
istration. Even among some of the leaders
of the political paroxysm designated
populism, is the attorney general con-
demned and from the lips Of those of his
own political adoption, I have heard severe
criticisms. For one, I fail to see why
this should be so. To me, General Stand
ish is the very embodiment of populism.
He is worthy to be classed with Level
lying of Kansas, Waite of Colorado,
Pennoyer OF Oregon, or Tillman Of
South Carolina. His populism is simon
pure, deep-dyed eighteen karats fine, and
averages II unces to the pound, avoir-
du-pois. He opens his mouth to speak,
and that which he says comes
from his heart al a populist. Those
of his colleagues who c%riticise him, rare
ly say anything, believing, very wisely,
that their popularity depends in a great
degree upon silence. General Standish
is the only member OF the present ad-
ministration who has the courage of his
professed convictions. He is the only
one who has dared to stand up for all
the fanatical les and isms of his political
creed. It is because he has done this,
that he is unpopular with his fellow
populists? In my opinion, the attorney
general is the legitimate leader of the
party of lrreconcilable les and impossl-
ole 1Sms.
Mrs. Peary, wife of the Arctic explorer,
Indignantly denies the report that her
party ate tallow candles, whale-blubber
and vaseline and drank coal-oil while ice
bound in the North Pole regions. She
says it is all a mistake to assume that
the elements of fat and grease predom-
mated in the Peary bill-of-fare. Not on
your kaleidoscope. The Peary party
was loaded for bear, metaphorically
speaking, in the matter of grub, and
Mrs. Peary wants it distinctly under
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