Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-08-24
blSMARCK WEEKl7 TRIBUNE: FRIDAY. AUG. "a 1894

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meaning upon him with the combined
aid OF my hands, feet and speaking ap-
paratus, Chow let down the bars which
keep his active intellect from escaping
and roaming about the streets, and gave
me 9 few pointers on the per capita
wealth OF his native land, which is about
{, 346,848 1885,, 9962, OOO, 33O4 ,99O7 Of the
small brass pieces with square holes in
the middle. Chow also said that he had
already accumulated about two.thirds of
this quantity, which he had corded up
on his uncle's farm neal Pekin. He
would dispose of q few millions of the
pieces to me at about "a per million. il 1
wanted EN-, so he said, but I told him
that if the populists succeeded in get
ting their ideas of finance established in
this country, we would perhaps have
plenty OF money of the Chinese etyle, of
our own. So I did not purchase, and
went away.
Poor old Russell Sage! Out Of all his
millions, he does not feel as though the
hard times would permit "a sufficient
expenditure for the moving Of his.lawn.
Russell has a pretty cottage on Long Is
land, but his lawn has long, tangled
whiskers all over it's extent. And the
whiskers on his lawn ruin the appearance
of not only Russel's cottage, but of all
those in the vicinity. The other cot
tage owners have requested Russell to
have his grass cut. But Mr.. Sage has
discovered that a lawn mower would
cost him two or three dollars. He could
not spare time to run it himself, and it
would cost 50 cents to hire it done, Ac-
cordingly, Mr.. Sage has met the request
OF his fellow cottagers with a polite
but firm refusal. He said he would let
1t grow until long enough for hay, and
then he could sell it at a small margin
of profit. I do not understand how
people can ask a poor man like Mr.. Sage
to lmpoverish himself by such a reckless
waste OF money, just as winter is coming
on. But then, some people cannot real
lie that MI. Sage should not spend az
much money as a man who gets a liberal
salary asa dry goods clerk or a street car
conductor. They seem to think that he
waste enough money in moving
his lawn to keep his whole family almost
a month. I am glad to see that Mr.. Sage
has been firm enough to stand out
against such an unheard of request.
With proper care, Mr.. Sage will have
provided money enough to give his re-
mains respectable burial, by the time he
has increased a few more years in age.
There are some curious oddities of con-
in many of the want ads, which
garnish the advertising columns of all
large dailies. l am at a loss sometimes.
determine how they can escape the
attention of the supervisors of this de-
partment, but I presume their sense Of
the ridiculous has been rendered obtuse
by long contact with cold, hard material
lsm. Some of these are only laughable,
must be embarrassing to their
authors, if they discover how ambiguous
they appear, and all Of them are good,
because of their presumed unintentional-
ity. Only the other day, I noticed a"want"
Of some one, who desired ga man to care
Tor q horse who does not smoke" Why
the horse does not smoke was not stated.
Perhaps he had tried it when a colt, and
it had made him too sick to repeat the
experiment.. Again [ saw where some
.ne had advertised for a "gentle
riding pony for a lady with an easy.
single foot gait and weighing about
pounds" I fear I have missed
some of the sights of this earth
when | read this, and I am seized with a
wild longing to see a lady of that weight
and gait. And while [ am Illuminating. I
am grati6ed once more to see that if
John Winters, who died at Essexrow II
years ago, or his relatives, will call on
Mr.. Edwin Chambers of AZ Regent
street. something will be learned to their
advantage" sincerely hope John will
think it would do him good.
But my attention is attracted from him
another advertiser who wants "a ten
ant for a farm house that is sober, steady,
Industrious, and has a small family
Then, too, purchasers are admonished as
follows: "When you get a violin, get
one from a standard firm that is we'll
with a rich, full tone, supplied
two sets Of gut strings, and war
ranted not to warp or crack" It taxes
firms like that to make a town, as every.
can see at a glance.
I see that I. W. Healy, OF this city, in
letter to the Mandan Pioneer, advises
republicans to prepare to get into
soup bowl which the populists will
this fall. I desire to remark,
just incidentally, OF course, to Mr.. Healy,
whose intense sagacity and clear politi-
cal vision are such as to impress one
very deeply, that the soup bowl is full.
The populists and the democrats have
filed if-fho ror,Ll:oo-. ri 1E-y% rr.-,--J