Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-05-17
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEM
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
byEminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
SprinkTes of Spice.

"A Budget of Fun.
| Sprinkres of Spice.
THE message of the March winds:
"Hats off, there."-Philadel Rec
ord.
To THE victim of influenza fan
is always a "fad. "-Yonkers States
man.
The barney stone at the Worlds
Fair was sham rock.-Rochester
Post
WHEN a man is vaccinated he
usually sees the point West Union
| Gazette.
SOMETIMES man feels the lightest
when he has heavy load on.-Glens
Falls Republican.
WHEN a mans countenance falls
it naturally lowers it's face value
Yonkers Statesman.
MRS. MULLIGAN-Id rather hev the
hull family sick than you! Mr. Mul-
ligan--So would Halo.
SHEarfd you go through fire
for si,eysAasernpn? He-Ya-as, if I
was dwessed foksit. -Harper's Bazaar.
WoMAN's hand may be pale and
delicate, but she can pick up hos-
ter plate than a man. Texas Stiff
| ings. w
| The servant-girl problem may
properly be referred to as the hire
education of women. West Union
| Gazette.
JILLsON says he has noticed thaG
! the outsider who takes a little flyer
| in stocks usually comes back with his
wings clipped. Buffalo Courier.
A CITIZEN of Georgia has in his
keeping two eggs said to be forty
years old. Here's $40 says that those
eggs can't be beat.-Arkansaw Trav-
| eler.
your business is picking up,
see," said the cobbier to the rag
picker. Eyes. And I see yours lis
mending," was the quick reply
Grip
You would certainly expect trained
speakers to articulate distinctly, but
they all do not LOOK at the elevated
railroad guards, for instance. Stiff
ings.
"H'M," said the burglar, after he
! had found that the safe was empty,
"this thing lacks whole lot Of what
| it was cracked up to be. "-Indianap-
oils Journal.
MISS CUSHION, Colonel, just look
at those magnificent Gins! I'm sure
you love trees" Col. Blank-"Dear-
ly, Miss Gush, l learned to love them
during the war. Life.
FREDDIE VAN TwIGGEN says he
thinks it must be very easy to be
funny" said Maud. ut is, replied
Mamie, "for Freddie unless he
tries. Washington Star.
Nov, AS to the degree of justif-
able homicide" said the Eastern
judge in charging the jury, "that is
where man is killed in self-defense
or in College. PLAIN Dealer.
THERE is at least one place, said
the statesman, who looked very
weary, where men of all parties
must stand together" "Where is
that?" "In crowded horse car. ~
Industries.
BELovED-"So you touched papa
with your impassioned words, did
you?" Lover-"Did /? "Where did
you suppose got the stuff to pay for
a box and a supper after the show?.
Detroit Free Press.
LITTLE BoY-"That lady gave me
candy" Mother-"I hope you were
polite about it." "Yes'm." What
did you say?" Il said | wished POE
had met her before he got 'Quainted
with you. Good News.
EXCITED MANI must have a
hundred dollars. Can't you lend it
to meo" Cool Friend-"Oh, certain
ly, but not all at once. / can let you
have ten cents every two or three
weeks. Texas Siftings.
SHE lin affright)-"Oh Tom, why
do you make such awful faces at
me?" He (contritely)-"I can't help
it, dear. My eyeglasses are falling
of. and l don't want to let go az
your hands. Boston Journal.
EMPLoYER-"Why were you dis
missed from your last placer" Ser
vant--"Because just once l got
drunk" Employer-"How long were
you employed there?" Servant
aOne dayl"-Fliegende BlaetteE
MoTHER-Walter, see that you give
Beatrice the lions share of that ban
ana. Walter-Yes, mamma Beatrice
Mamma. Walter hasn't given me
any. Walter-Well, that's all right
Lions don eat a1ai a -BrooklyR
Life.
"YoU must have made several dol
lars out Of your theatricals. Il?
Oh, no. Those theatricals were for
the poor" Il know; that's why I
supposed you divided up the receipts
among the performers. Tney were
the poorest I ever saw. "-Harper,s