The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1894-01-24
FISANcIAL noBGOBLINs.

Dr. William Hand Browne. professor Of
English literature at the Johns Hopkins
University, Is the author of the following
humorous caricature Of popular bogies.
Many of our public speakers and writer's
keep stock OF hobgobIins, and appeal 10
them with dismal grOans or appalling
bellowings to tcrrify childlike public.
These monsters. if we believe them, are
always on the point of eating us up alive,
ana, like Magwitch's young man." are
with great dimculy kept on lroin ou4
hearts and livers. \ few of these got
Inns are as follows:
The Capitalist.-Understoo TO be a
hideous, one-eyed ogre, living in an en-
chanted castle, round which lie the skulls
and bones of his victims. lie PUSHES out
upon unsuspecting passers-by. drags them
into his den and deyours them.
The Mortgage.-A gigantic and bloated
spider, whose web extends everywhere,
but chiefly over the agricultural districts.
The thrifty and prosperous farmer ac-
cidentaly touches one Of its invisible fla
ments and is instantly held fast until the
monster comes and sucks his blood
Banks and Bankers.-OrganiZed gangs
OF capitalists and mortgages, who grow
rich by impoverishing the rest OF their
fellow-citzcns. BY some diabolical device
or cnchantment not understood, they can
draw men against their Will into their
lars, make them sign notes, give mort
cages. and other securities, and then
destroy their victims From time 10
time they arrange great slaughtering
days which are called ''panics."
The Ground-Rent Owncr.-A peculiarly
malignant form Of the capitalist, who
differs from the ordinary mOney-lender
in having no money TO lend, having al
ready lent it at low rates on the security
OF land. This nefarious practice is called
locking it up" and is justly eXecrated
by would-be borrowers and Vigilant
and intelligent press. Baltimore is
favorite haunt of this baleful being, and
it is believed that but for him every
man, woman, and child in the city would
own handsome house and lot IN Zee
simple.
1t would be greatly to the advantage OF
honest men if all these monsters being
various species Of the creditor class-were
eXterminated. but by some wicked means
they have cOntrived thus far 10 have
themselves protected by legislation.
The Cold Bug-An enemy Of the human
race who pretends to believe that a single
standard OF currency is more stable and
better than a double one. II ne owned
gold mines his object would be open and
honorable; but as he does not, his real
purpose must be 10 destroy the prosperity
OF the country. The fact that il is i'm
possible TO see how this could benefit him
proves his unfathomable duplicity. lie
is understood 10 be in secret alliance with
the capitalist. the banker, and John Bull.
Whether he is or is not pensioner Of
the Golden club Is uncertain
John Eull.-A vlrulent pirate and miss
anthrope who enriches himself by dealing.
with The rest of the world and is con-
stantly scheming 10 impoverish and ruin
his customers. lie is understood 10 be
Systematically drawing millions Of gold
from this country to cripple our finances
and sending millions over to cOrrupt our
legislation. For this latter purpose he
has organized secret service bureau
called THE Golden Club" from which
ak tariff reformer5 receive pensions. As
he has large sums invested in our sccuri-
ties he is plotting his hardest 10 drive
us into bankruptcy. That Is the way
he gets rich. as in the case Of the Argen-
tine Republic
The Creditor CASA genus Of mon
sters supposed 10 be Il cross between
the tiger and horse-leech, and altogether
distinct from the debtor class who are
their natural prey. They are dreaded
ana aDnoIfeu by all good citizens.
The Debtor Ciass.-This is not a goblin
but quite the contrary. IL is all the
honest men Of the country, who by some
mysterious dispensation OF Providence 81
as victims Of stupendous fraud or vio-
lence, and without any Will Of their own
find themselves in the disastrous position
OF owing money. 1t is generally under
stood that this class does not want to pa
the money it owes If by any means y
can avoid II. IL is the food Of the credl
tor class, from which IL differs as th,
fly differs from the spider. 1t is in hief
honor. and intimation by a public .nal
that he is a friend OF the debtor elias
or proposes 10 lesislate for the debtor
class is certain TO win popularity
Such, briefly stated, are the popular
conceptions OF these phantasmal beings
about which we hear so much. Is II too
much TO hope that some hardy ranresen-