The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-06-07

A secret is no longer secret whom yop
have conflded it to your confidential friend.
-Somcrvillo Journal
BE polite to everybody There's no tell
Ing whom you may have something to sell
-Atchison Globe.
Let yoh aims be high" said Unclc Eb-
en-, but doan' forgit dat dab am mob
practical returns FUN good job Oh whito-
waShin dan dcy is FUN bad lob of LAM
scapo paintin. Washington Star
If u man has an income of over 1895
month, the newspapers say ho is we'd
ded." Otherwise they speak of 1t rs "mar-
ried. '-Atchison Globe
There arc signs of growing enlighten-
ment In the suburbs. Ono man said to
another in Harlem suburban train tho
other day, ANY marks of Improvement at
your placcs' mo" replied tho other.
II sec no marks Of Improvement, but there
aro plenty Of houses going up. New
York Sun.
A Kansas man who lost 600 chickens
that were aboard ono Of tho stolen trains
has ontered suit in tho United States courts
for the value of them. He wants to recoop,
SO to spcak.-Philadelph Ledger
1t seems to have developed that II enough
mon got together they con get anything
they want for nothing. -Atchison Globe.
Doctor-Did you apply mustard plas-
tor to your spino3 Patient-Yes Doctor
Didn't you find 1t great helps Patient
NO. l felt that 1t was O great draw
back.-Medical News
Some possimists may still contend that
marriage is u failure, but In tho bright
lexicon of tho operatic prima donna thore
is no such word as fail. Baltimore Amer
lean.
1t is great deal easier to believe tho re.
Az rT.nf x1.,t-
round goodly portion of tho fsh.-Som-
ervillo Journal.
AN animal dealer says that the giraffe
Is so difficult to obtain and acclimatizo for
monngcric purposes that tho price rarely
falls as low us $4,000 Tho giraffe comes
gh.-Philadclphin Ledger
Among tho latest spring openings are
tho series OF earthquakes predicted by
weather prophets. -Baltimoro American.
Among the Chinese who have registered
undcr tho Gcary uct in jacksonville Or,
Is ono namod Yung Tyson. 1t suits him
TO tea Us he Is In that business -Phila-
delphia Lodger
When bride hns been married about
three weeks, she begins to send homo for
the old clothes she refused to take with
hor.-Atchison Globe.
Brother Talmage has resigned once and
been fired out three times, but hos there
yct.-Clcvcland Plain Dealer.
Tho life of II dress suit is about 10 years
X tho young man is careful of It and does
not lend it to any one fattcr than he is. A
girl has to get n new party dress every sea-
son or look like Inst years birds nest
-Atohison Globe
"A Methodist preacher has been appoint
ed whisky gauger at PEORIA probably on
the ground that to the pure oil things orc
urc.-Chicago Times.
Jillson says it is lucky for some men
that tho law against suicide doesn't pro-
vido penalty for shooting off ones
mouth.-Bufralo Courier.
Tho ball player is always anxious for q
change Of basc.-Phlladclphi Record.
Onco There was u newspaper man who
did not think that some day he should
writo novel. This is confidently offered
In competition for the prizo offered for the
biggest lio.-SoIncrvillo Journal.
So far as wo ever heard, no great mnn
ever woro bulge ut n convention.-Atchi-
son Globe.
Book Agent (cntering tho snnctum) ~
have little work hero which lex
cusc me-" interrupted tho victim, but I
have great deal Boston Courier
If you want every man you meet to
treat you to n cigar, resolve to quit smok-
tng.-Atchison Globe
Every lard manufacturer may not suo-
coed, but he tries" just tho same-Phil-
adelphia Record