The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1894-09-18
HAD ENOUGH OF SUBSTITUTES.
Homemade BootbIackIng and the Embar-
rassment 1t Caused a Texas WoOer.


Homemade BootblackIng and the Embar-
rassment 1t Caused q Texas WoOer.
Some gentlemen were discussing cur
rent topics in the lobby of the ST.
George the other evening, when hopfen-
weiss, the new prohibition substitute
for beer, was drawn into the discussion,
says the Baltimore News. Some had
tried the new drink and pronounced it
equal in point of flavor to the genuine
article, and various opinions were ex-
changed relative to the right of persons
to sell it in local option communities.
81 am not competent to venture an
opinion upon that phase of the ques-
tion," said one of the party, "but as a
rule the man who monkeys with sub
stitutes usually comes to grief in one
way or another. At any rate, that is
my experience, and 1 will give you a
case in point. In the early days of
Texas, when few of the modern con-
veniences that we now enjoy were OBJ
tainable, was living in the country,
working on a farm. A man named
Brown lived near my fathers. Well,
one day learned that a couple of
young ladies were visiting Mr.. Brown
and family. OF course, now. would
have to go over and see the young
ladies' I had a tolerable good suit of
clothes, but my shoes were consider
ably worn, and never having come in
contact with backing, very naturally
were tough and unpleasant to the
sight. So set about trying to hit up
on schemes whereby 1 could improve
the complexion of my shoes. Finally
an idea struck me and 1 smiled tri-
umphantly as 1 congratulated myself
on my shrewdness. 1 would take some
SCOT from the chimney, use molasses as
a vehicle, as the druggists say, and
polish up my shoes with the compound.
The SCOT would certainly make the
shoes black enough and the molasses
would hold it on. Capital idea There
fore 1 got to work and soon had my
substitute ready and applied to the
shoes.
''The effect was not to say artistic,
but it made the shoes black, and that
was the end 1 sought to achieve. A
short walk soon brought me to our
neighbor's, where the girls were visit
ing, and on my arrival L was invited
into the room which did service as a
parlor. The young ladies and I had
exchanged few compliments relative
to the weather when l unconsciously
shifted my foot on the floor. Then my
heart sank within me and 1 cursed the
day that my inventive talent got the
upper hand of me and I Tnonkeyed
with substitutes, for when I moved my
foot a swarm of flies filed the room
and roared like bees. They had been
after the nolasses on my shoes, and
the shifting Of my foot had put them
to fight. I felt that my face was get
ting unbecomingly red and my nerve
began to fail me, but I made a heroic
effort to renew the conversation and
stand my ground. But it was useless.
1 could see that the girls were all but
dying to laugh, and reenforcements of
| flies were constantly appearing upon
/ the scene. They roared and buzzed
and fought each other for first place
on my shoes. Directly 1 heard Mrs.
Brown from the other room say: John
ME, think hear the bees swarming.
| Go out and see about them That was
| too much, and, gathering up my hat,
| bade the young ladies a hurried good
day and departed, enveloped in a halo
| of flies as big as balloon. AS I closed
the gate behind me 1 heard Johnnie
| shout: Nav, the bees amt a swarm
| in; they're after that young feller
what just left here. He's been stealin'
| honey and they're after him about it.
Wush they'd sting the triflin' rascal to
death, 1 do No, gentlemen, no sub
stitutes for me, please. The bare men
tion of them makes my hair pull