New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1894-12-31
CHURCH OF THEHOLYJAChASS
THE NEW NAME GIVEN BY CITIZEN
TRAIN TO HIS CHURCH"
YESTERDAYS SERVICE WAS OF sTAflhiN"
x.Tr,Rr-A TERRIBLE SECRET IMPARTED
praD1NG OF AN ORIGINAL Poem
BY A GENIUS" IN COWBOY

cor.o t-rarcis Train preached" again yesfer-
dov 70 a crowded audience at Union Square HAIL
md they became worked up over the S'''' INNS
things that the Citizen said that they shou'c' anu
claimed and made such noise that II loohe' q.
- limo &C II thu police would have 10 be called
;r IN maintain quiet. The title OF the seiH""
was "Condemnng Hell BE Damned" IL Is scarcelN
necessary &c say that Psyche did not iouch on inc
subject much He spoke on everything ""''' wv
SIM however and there was not moment 'h"'
the interest Jagged. Excitement redchen '''".
u.ben Train christened his church THE 'hnrch OF
,b t1olv Jackass" The sage Of Madison Square
danced about the platform. waving his arms Iheh
be iumped down among the audience ana dashei
in and out. keeping up "A running IRE OF COM
ments.
The services" did not begin on time. "a IRAN
was converting an orthodox friend OF his on the
s,r,,o NJ ..IIeu BE Damned" At least that IL
how he accounted for his being late lie was
dressed in his auasi-military costume. req SASH
encIrcled his waist. and brass buttons as '"'F' a.
saucers were sewed at random over MS coat lie
wore paient feathers and light trousers ana pre-
een,ed a truly inspiring spectacle as he descantei
on ,opics Ct the day. He screwed his bronzci i'at-
uros into an awful grimace as he initiated
"canfing parson." and next moment suh'h an
Atax-defying- he-lightning attitude as he dared
any man in the audience or In the whoie Woo
world to say him nay.
lie began by censuring Superintendent Byrncs
TON of his voice that Byrnes should be sent to
Sing Sing Then he dived down among lot OF
manuscripts and yankcd forth resolution
IAN who are in favor Of passing it say aye
Numbered Train.
what's II all about" inquired an inquistiVe-
looking old in the front row.
GLOW dare YOU question my motives, sir? Pass
II first and then I'll read IT," stormed Train. who
was. to all outward appearances. in towering
| rage.
NO offence intended" mildly protested the old
man.
Psyche glared at him. but did not degn TO an
swer He paced up and down the platform like a
Gagged lion. Finally ne roared:
'Will you pass the resolutions?"
''Yes" chorused the audience in no uncertain
! tone Then Train took the audience into his con-
fdence and impaired secret which he had kept
locked up In his breast because he had feared its
revelation would shatter the social fabric.
"The truth must out. and II s my duty to tell
| q whatever the consequences" said Train In n
stage whisper He got down of the platform and
going up 10 the reporters whispered In their ears
and then into the Of the audience. "Sh-Sh. =
cautioned Train when any one repeated it aloud
The terrible secret was yarn told him by a
woman about a former public official.
The audience asked Train for more details.
NO No no more now. ASK Or. Parkhurst,
said Psyche, holding up his hand to ward of any
further inquiries.
/ "What do you think OF it?" suddenly said Train.
There were a number Of men who expressed their
approval by yelling: "Out OF sight"
Then Train introduced literary genius" from
/ the West The "genius' was dressed Ike a cow
boy except that he wore a flaming red felt hat
He young man ana sald ne nag wai Ike,
from Montana to have his poems published. I'm.
genius paused and pulled IA manuscript out oil
"Hes going to shoot" sang out facetous
NO he's going to read poem" soiemny as
The cowboy poet arranged pieces OF yellow paper
! over which he had burned midnight oil ana began
to read in sn,ppress S ', called M, Train
IL can't: It's a dirge,' protested the cowboy
well let's have It anyway" said some one In
at is entitled" began the cowboy In n sepulchra
| voice. E" The Drge OF Death ,,
That is an awful name groaned a sadface(
Then the cowboy read:
MANS timorons thrall.
Trcmbles 10 blOOd's dreary SPELL
When the earth's derious call
Awakes the symphony OF hell"
1T ends well anyway" said Train. "'Awakes th'
/ symphony of hell Is good. ike H. "hat say'
! the audience" 49,, G.,
The audience said a great ..ai many things; Som
other voice announced that u new Bret Harte hao
been discovered. A woman got up and went out
| In Trains ear Train sprang on the platform an'
went through some acrobatic antics and ther
| yelled:
The audience howled with derision. Train added
! to the noise by shouting out at the top OF hi
voice: our church VIII outlive all others"
The Church OF the Holy Jackass." repeate,,
laughter. clapping Of hands and stamping Of feet
| The cowboy stood up and waved his flaming rec
hat. When the uproar subsidized Train read a lis
attacked before the Lexow Committee. Then h
accused Gof and the committee Of being insincere
| and the meeting came 10 an end