New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-03-21
He Was ! Railroad Man.

"From General Manager st. John, OF
the c., B. & o.
AsWhat did you come here to do2"
.sTo learn to subdue my energies and
improve the railroad SERVICE
s'Then you are railroad man, infer"
II am so taken to be by all officials
that know their business
elbow may know you to be rail
road man2"
"By looking over my letters anc ex-
aiming me in the signals. Try me-"
allow will you be triedT'
''By the punch"
!, ,.sWhy by the punch2''
.:l "Because it is an emblem of honesty
and the principal working tool of my
profession
"Where were you first prepared to be
railroad man?''
'In my mind"
"Where next?"
"Upon farm adjoining the right-of-
way"
allow was you prepared"
"By braking upon thrashing machine
for six months, after which went to
town and sought admission to the train
masters oflice.'
"How gained you admissions"
"By three cigars placed in the open
hand of the train masters clerk"
"How was you received?'
"Upon the gaze Of the train master
applied to my physiognomy which was
thus explained: AS it is always source
of great pleasure to the train master to
receive callers, 1 should drop in and chat
with him little while upon every occa-
sion possible"
"How was you disposed OFF,"
II was seated in chair near to the
train masters desk and asked if I put
my trust in safety coupling devices"
"Your answer?"
"Not if I know myself, don't.'
"What was then done with you?''
II was led up and down the yard three
times to ac,ustom me to the noise of the
trains, thence to the chief dispatcher"
"How was you then disposed OFF,
II was seated upon brakc-whecl be-
fore train box, and caused to take the
following horrible and binding oath:
81, Steve Sears, do hereby anil hereon
| most cverlastingly and diabolically
swear, by the great Horn Spoon, that I
will always remit and never conceal any
of the cash collected by me as conductor
and that will not cut, make, sue, collect
or remit any cash fares less than those
found in the regular tariff book.
81 further promise and swear that
will not carry on my train free, any rail
road mans wife, mother, sister, daughte
or widow, or permit any other conducto
to do so, if can prevent it.
| further promise and swear that
will freely contribute to all subscription
circulated to buy my superior officer
token of esteem,' etc, as far as he ma
; desire and my salary will permit, to al
of which I soIemnly swear, binding my
+ self under no less penalty than that o
4 having my salary cut from year to veal
? all my perquisites taken away ana ex
S pended for sand ballast to put under tn
t Mckinney extension, where the train
t come and go twice in twenty -four hours
| so help me Bob Ingersoll and keep m
, backbone stiff
!: "What did you then behold?"
THE train masters clerk approached
= me and presented me with a Bishop safe
: ty coupling knife and instructed me t.
s take it to the yard master, who woul'
s teach me how to use it, B..
.sHow are Bishop coupling knive
: used?' ~
S "By sticking them in the left hi
I pocket with the blade turned up
a Mr. Maxwell here informed the appli
cant that he was satisfied that he was
s railroad man, and asked hin if he woul
/ be off or from.
e II will be off from here if you vii
S give me passenger train
/. ''Have you any cigars2"
/ 81 have"
a, evil you give them to mc2'