The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1894-05-29
A FREEZING EXPERIENCE.
TOO MICH COLD vITUALs FOR
AN Old MAN.


Purchases q Cooler and
Us Too Mach Water-AfTer.
Is He Gets Away With q Lot of
cream.
"a Constitution.
ok again, but it is all right, for /
over the worst of it and can afford
be bigoty now 1t was all my fault
md M wife and my daughter and my
doctor have told me SO forty or fifty
times. They rubbed IL In every time
they gave me medicine and / had to
take both doses at once. You see / am
very fond of ice water, but we have
never had q water cooler until last
week. / saw a beautiful one and was
assured that Ave pounds of ice would
keep the water cold all day, SO I came
home and told about 1t, how there was
an inner chamber for the ice and how
when the ice melted the water still
kept its temperature, for no outside
air could reach it and how it was orna-
mental and would grace the hall and
we would not have to be stealing ice
Well, Of course, 1 had to order one, and
last Thursday morning l loaded the
pretty thing and all that day | was ex-
perimenting and tasting to see how it
was performing. Well it was Just
splendid and my wife kept telling me
that that cooler would put me to bed IL
I didn't mind.
That night we were invited out to
tea and had spread before us q sumptu-
Gus feast and about 8 o'clock the ice
cream was served in generous quantity
and we departed. 1t was ice all day
and away in the night. Was there
over such O fool? But I've paid for it
all. 1 have confessed my sin and 1
don't think I will ever do so any more
and / only tell it now as a warning to
suffering humanity. The Good Book
says, "He trieth the reins of the chill
dren OF men "-trieth them sometimes
with one thing sometimes with anoth-
u, but ice water by day and ice cream
at night gets mine. That night about
midnight there was a tap on my side
that walked me up and 1 thought some
body had hit me with q small shillaly
right over my right. rein. I had felt
that same knocK before and recognized
it.. / got up and poked around among
the medicines until / found the spirits
of inter and paragoric and 1 took q
dose without awaking anybody. The
pain got worse and worse and |
dose every hour and got
to grooming SO that I walked up every
body and they plastered my side and
loins with mustard. 1 drank all the
Railway l could find and 1 walked
around half bent and laid down and got
up every minute.
About daylight I got relief and drop.
for three more days 1 havo been wrest-
ling with those reins. l have taken a
small drug store Of medicine-niter,
Paragoric, lithia, calomel, salts, blue
mass, quinine and a lot of powders and
other things that l never inquired the
name OF, for 1 didn't care. KNEW that
IcOuldn't be wOrsted and would have
swallowed melted lead il the doctor
said so.
Pm getting SO that 1 can move about
now and so when the pet rabbits got
out this evening it was thought that
perhaps it wouldn't strain me to help
catch them. Did you ever try to catch
q pet rabbit? Well, it is the most
provoking business in the world. 1t
took us all two hours to do it and l had
to go to bed again. "A kind lady gave
them to u grandchildren day before
yesterday and of course l will do any
thing for her.
We have q boy hired, but he is never
here when we want him. Last Satur-
day he had to go to a picnic and beg
ged me out Of q dollar and my wife out
of a pair of my old pants and to-day he
had to go to a funeral and he keeps in
my debt all the time, and so 1 keep
him, for he is as humble as a dog and
my wife and the girls can scold him
and abuse him all day long and not i'm
pair his ebony smile. That is q valu-
able trait. 1 would like to dig a post
hole in the back yard and plant him
in it and boiler at him by the hour.
Oh, these darkies-what a compound,
what O.. Heterogeneous variety. My
daughter worked all the morning last
Friday helping her cook to make cakes
and things for the darkies' picnic of
Saturday. Sunday morning the cook
came In on time and my daughter
says: well did you have q nice time
said. "My Teller never come after me
and I stayed at home" "And you
neve came here to help me on Satur-
day-you near thing-after all 1 did
for you. | never did see O negro that
had q spark of gratitude"
But the funniest thing about the
negro was told me by George Adair
the other day. Old Isham is q preach
era smart old preacher-who always
gets up q carOuseme Mt. He was tell
ing George about his troubles on this
line. Sometimes / can't get 'em fired
up hardly any. Sometimes de debil
Jaw" ouo w u l. XIV IL ollIUCI.
But I keeps ON BLOWN around ontwel I
gifts EN- to cavortin' around, for you see
widOut dat a niger meetin' amt no
meetin' at all. Only last Saturday
night / was havin' a powerful cold
stime and couldent hardly git up a
grunt or q grOan or a bless God from
anybody, when all of q sudden I SQUAT
down and den jump away up and wild
my hands raised to Heaven / holler
out: 'Brerin and sisters, de Scripter
say
"Great is Dinah OF de P~hesians;
"Great Is Dinah of de Phesians."
II showed 1t out three times as loud
a. I could holler, and it just everlast-
ingly walked up dem niggers, and you
neber heard de like in all your life.
Bless God for Dinah Oh, my Lord,
send Dinah down! Oh, I see Aunt
Dinah comm! Come down, Dinah,
come down |! and they begun to sing
and shout, and twas Dinah in and
Dinah out, and Dinah dis and Dinah |
dat, and we all had q glorious meetin', |
and two sisters fell down in q trance
and had to be carried home, and it
was de Dinah lick what dun it,"
That's all right. They like that,
and this Is u free country concerning
religion and church worship. ia
risk 1t than Coxey's army. or
some other organizations that keep the
country alarmed.
But IL a man wants to realize how in
are all these things lot him
"a Il -,,w. l., AE~ ~ |