Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-05-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Experience tries to teach some very
slow pupils. Puck.
Fogg refers to his glasses as an over
sight. Boston Transcript.
If advice cost anything we would all
spend money to get ii. --Atchison Globe.
Gossip is talk about other peoples
affairs which are none of our business.
Truth.
1t is hard to be grateful to the man
who fought your battle for you and
got licked. Siftings.
Necessity may be the mother of in
vention; but, more often than not,
she is childless. Puck.
1t is useful, often, to hold your
tongue but far more so to know how
to hold your pen.--Puck.
Teacher -''What is it, Harry, that
stings like an adder?" Harry--"The
end of a leather strap. Truth.
you've the advantage of me, SIR"
said Pompus, loftily. Naturally, as
I'm not you," replied Secus. Puck.
"Delay is dangerous, remarked the
train-robber, as he requested the pass
engers to hand over their valuables.--
Puck.
Waiter-"What kind of fish will you
have, sir, bluefish or whitefsh ?" Guest
81 don't care; I'm color blind. -
Halo
"Does Flagson practice what he
preaches?" Great Caesar No; he
never gets through preaching. Inter
Ocean.
When it transpires that speaker
has only one idea his audience is
always anxious for him to carry 1t
out.--Dallas News.
Jillson says he has noticed that
when discreet man goes to the pawn
brokers' he generally puts up and
shuts up.--Buffalo Courier.
Her tastes were so expensive,
So inclined to prices steep,
She was uniformly silent
From the fact that talk is cheap.
Puck.
81 fear" sadly said the postage
stamp, when it found itself fastened
to love letter, 'that l am not
sticking to facts indianapolis Jour
nal
Teacher--'T don't suppose any one
of the little boys here has ever seen n
whale" Boy lat the foot of the class
--"No. sir, but I've felt one. Brook
lyn Life.
Irate German Ito stranger who has
stepped on his toe)-"Mine frent, l
know mine feet vas meant to be walked
on, but dot privilege pelongs to me-"
Tit-Bits.
Yager-'I made ont ringing speech
in my life, anyway. Chorus (de-
risively) Where, when?" wager
"The night l proposed to Mrs. Yager."
Buffalo Courier
Lady lin book store)-"Can you
tell me where Packer Institute is?"
Clerk trying to think )-'I'm not
sure, madam, but I should say it was
in Chicago. Detroit Free Press.
If men were true to their first love,
as stage heroes, novels and women de-
mand that they should be, every man
would marry the cook who made him
little cakes when he was boy.-Atchi-
son Globe.
First Samoan Belle--"What horrible
instincts those Christian women must
have" Second Samoan Belle-''Why,
dear?" ~ am told that they actually
wear live lizards for ornaments. -
Indianapolis Journal.
Ambitious Young Person-"What
do you think is the first step one
should take in order to become poet?"
Experienced Editor (thoughtfullyl-
"Well, should say take ont life in
surance policy. "-Somerville Jonrnal
"The next gown | shall issue, said
the ladies tailor, "will be the triumph
of the century" "lndeed," said his
humble assistant. 'Yes, indeed. 1t
will be impossible TO tell from its
shape that there is woman IN 1t at
all. indianapolis Journal.
ii you would know the difference in
the speed of the shooting star aud the
canal mule, quietly observe a man in
the act of taking money from "a debtor
aud thrnsting it into his pocket; aud
then watch him as he takes dollar
from his pocket TO shower upon a
creditor. Puck.
Pendragon - "Hello, Wordleigh,
you're looking way up Where'd Il you
get YOU re good clothes?' Wordleigh
-"Oh, I'm doing hnely, Getting
rich. Pendragon "Why, how's that2
The last time saw Won YOU looked
like tramp. aud complained that YOU
couldn't get an article accepted
Wordleigh -"Ob, yes but nov Tn
reading "a series Of unpublished manu-
scripts before the Bellamy Literary
Club 49, Brooklyn Life.
Look here, | have come 20 the eon.
elusion that II is all humbng with
yuur vegetarian principles. The other
evening | Was a = vegetarian elah aHd,
true as an alive, most Of the mem
hers present seTs actually eaFging
themselves stth heetstoaks That
is easily explained Any IHembeF a.
rlsing late On eluh night i epm-
PEELED o. eat = haefsieak b. sas ai
Punishment al So. strange g saf,
aaany "a oui members alsays make q
point I'd heiua lzte spassYassA