davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

An easy going time is all right, but
how is one to come back?-Galveston
News
Curiosity is one of the permanent
and certain characteristics of q vigor-
Gus intellect.
The best way for man to get out
of lowly position is to be conspicu-
ously effective in it.-Rev. DR., John
Hall.
There is no beautifer of complex
ion, of form, of behavior like the wish
to scatter joy and not pain around us.
Emerson.
If grown men only knew as much
as their mothers think they know when
they are babies there would be no fur
ther use for encyclopedias. - Rams
Horn,
Lady of the House Gust returned
from visiD-'Poor Polly! All alone
so long" Parrot (feverishly)-"Give
me a stack of whites. Detroit Tri-
bune.
You daughters of Eve" began the
major. "Sir!" said Miss Antique, indig-
nantly 81 should have said grand
daughters of Eve" said the major,
gallantly -Harpers Bazaar.
-Painter-"There, now, is my new
picture! What's the matter with that,
eh?" Quiet Friend-"I don't know,
but l should say that it was case of
art failure. boston Transcript.
If man be gracious and courteous
to strangers it shows he is citizen of
the world, and that his heart is no
island cut off from other worlds but q
continent that joins to them. Lord
Bacon.
More Information.-T -Tommy-Paw,
are a rent and tear all the same? Mr..
Figg-Well, not exactly, | have known
many a man who could not raise his
rent because he has been on a tear. 80
indianapolis Journal
Ills Hardship. What are you cry
ing for, Fritz" because my brothers
have holiday and / haven't" ''But
why haven't you holiday, too?"
"Because I'm not old enough to go to
school yet "-Fliegende Blaetter.
An Aggravating Discovery. For
seven years nervous old gentleman at
Woolwch made circuit of half mile
rather than pass powder magazine.
The other day he learned that it had
been empty for more than eight years.
London Answers.
"A Good Receipt Lady of the
House Ito eminent physician)-How do
you contrive, doctor, to be constantly
in good health and look SO flourishing?
NJ. II: c. SIT is quite simple, madam;
! live by my prescriptions, but never
take them. m.-Humoristische Batter.
Simplicity is the character of the
spring of life, costliness becomes it,
autumn; but a neatGess and purity,
like that of the snowdrop or lily of the
valley, is the peculiar fascination o.
beauty to which it lends enchantment
and gives what amiability is to the
mind -Longfellow.
-"Will you be down to-night?" sale
one department clerk to another. mo
I'm going to house-warming. "Yol
don't say sol Whose house is it2'
"Mine. Before l started down tow
this morning my wife told me sh
thought Id better como home earl,
and see about starting fire in the far
naee."--Washington Star,
Y
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
HE HAD ENOUGH.
The Captain Administered Discipline just
Suited to the Offense.

ruittu w thc Outhsts
Varied and characteristic were the
methods of discipline of Capt. F., the
master of one of the most successful
whale-ships that ever sailed from a
New England port. An old sailor says
that when he was what might be
termed "a greeny" he shipped with
Capt. F. for voyage to the Arctic
ocean After some months of cruising,
the salt grub" ran short, and the
crew were forced to eat the chickens
and roosters which were aboard the
ship The narrator says:
didn't object to this kind of food,
but there was grumbling among the
men when we were served day after
day, with fowl / heard all the talk,
and was simple enough to think it
smart to crow Justify whenever the
steward was carrying in fowl to the
captains table. So delighted was |
with my efforts that grew bold and
one day | cockle-doodle-dooed just as
close to the captain as | dared. Then
I got out of the way After mess some
DOuy CdIuC anu IOlu luc Oldb Lllc cap
tain wanted to see me aft.
"Well, joe" said the captain, 81 hear
you are quite Grower"
was embarrassed but as the cap
tain looked pleasant, didn't know any
thing better to do than to smile and
say nothing.
Il should like to hear what you can
do Get up there" said the captain,
pointing to spar.
| did not obey at once. The captain
picked up ropes end that seemed to be
handy and l climbed up on the spar.
Now crow" said the captain.
/ couldn't make a sound, but the
captain took step nearer, and ]
crowed.
'Kecp it up till l give you the word
to quit"
] began and crowed for ten minutes:
then got out of wind my throat was
dry, and / paused.
r'I didn't tell you to stop" said the
captain.
II can't do it any longer" said l.
"Crow!" thundered the captain.
And, then, with the captains eye
fixed on me, kept up my cockle-doodle'
dooing for another ten minutes.
"ThatH do. Get down"
| got down.
"EIave you had growing cnough?"
Eyes, sir"
$50 havt Go forward"
went forward, and you may be sure
Idid no more growing that voyage, =
Youths Companion,
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
SMOOTHING TIE WAY.
he Arranged Matters Very Nicely Fsr the
Happy Couple.

Happy Couple.
A beamipg young couple, with hnppi.
ness marked out in town lots all over
them, walked lightly out of the or
phans' court office after securing the
documents necessary before the cere-
mony that would complete their earthly
happiness could be performed. AS the
young doves descended the broad
marble steps of the building short,
puffy, bald-headed individual who was
passing stepped up to them and said;
well, my young friends, if / am not
much mistaken you are about to enter
into the holy bonds of matrimony?"
The young girl blushed the young
man smiled confusedly, but neither
spoke.
"Well, if you have received the con-
sent of your parents, and there is no
other objection to the match, you have
a perfect right" volunteered the puffy
man, condescendingly. "But before
you do it want to give you little adj
vice"
Neither the young man nor the young
lady ventured remark, but both
evinced desire to get away.
"Wait bit, now," said puffy, mop
ping his bald headed brow, 81 speak
from experience If | had had some
kind individual to post me before l
took the step perhaps would have had
some hair up here" And he placed his
hand sadly upon his shining pate.
GLOW do you two stand upon the
drink question:"
Together" responded the young
man, who now felt disposed to humor
the crank.
'Good She is willing to allow you
an occasional drink, eh? That's where
fell off first And about smoking?"
81 can smoke as much as like" re-
piled the young groom.
Lucky man! Mine rounded me up
on that the second day. Belong to any
lodges?'
1.-TWO nights a week off for lodges,
replied the young man.
That's a liberal arrangement. Oh,
what scraps would have avoided had |
only had a friend to go over these
things with me. Now, as to cooking:
will she be able to do it as we'll as your
mother?"
"We won't quarrel over that I've
lived in boarding house for the last
ten years.
"Ah, hah! My young friends, your
cup of happiness is full to over
flowing. l made remark about my
mothers cooking the first week, and
WELL just about that time my hair be-
gan to come out. Now, where are you
going to live?"
Going to keep house alone right
away after the wedding" responded
the young man.
Great heavens! Married, and to live
without mother-in-law! Young man,
you have struck it rich. Young people,
you have my blessing"
"Thank you" murmurcd the couple,
And the puffy, bald-headed man
moved off, feeling happy in the con
sciousness that he had smoothed the
way for at least one happy marriage.
-philadelDhia North American
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
ON CRUSoE'S ISLAND.
Juan Fernandez, on tho Coast OF Chill, Is
Now Inhabited.

NN"h VII tht NOubt VI NiihI -
Now Inhabited.
1t is not generally known that Juan
Fernandez-the island on which Alex
ander Selkirk, the Robinson Crusoe OF
romance, lived for so many years-is
at the present time inhabited. Two
valleys, winding down from different
directions join short distance back
| from the shore, and here now stands
little village of small huts scattered
round long, low, one-storied build
ing, with veranda running its whole
length. In this house liyes the man
who rents the island from the Chilian
government, and the village is made
up of few German and Chilian fami-
| lies.
The tiny town is called San Juan
Bautista, and the crater-like arm of
the sea on which it is situated, and
where Alexander Selkirls first landed,
is now called Cumberland bay. The
island is rented for about two hundred
pounds year. The rent is paid partly
in dried fish. Catching and drying the
many varieties of fish, and raising cat
tie and vegetables, wholly occupy the
contented settlers, and much of their
little income is obtained from the cat
tie and vegetables sold to passing YES
sells The cattle need no care, and the
vegetables almost grow wild. Turnips
and radishes, first sown here by Sell
kirk himself, now grow rank and wild
in the valleys like weeds There is
also race of wild dogs, which COM
pletely overrun the island, depending
for their existence mainly upon seals.
They are the descendants of breed of
dogs left by the Spanards.
At the back of the little town, in the
first high cliff, is row of caves of re-
markable appearance hewn into sand
stone. An unused path leads to them,
and a short climb brings one to their
dark mouths. About forty years ago
the Chilian government thought that
good way to be rid of its worst crimi-
nails would be to transport them to the
island of Juan Fernandez. Here, un-
der the direction of Chilian soldiers,
these poor wretches were made to dig
caves to live in In 1874 they were
taken back again, however, and the
caves have since been slowly crumbling
away.
The narrow ridge where Selkirk
watched is now called "The Saddle, 1"
because at either end of it big rocky
hummock rises like pommel. On one
of these is now large tablet with in
scriptions commemorating Alexander
Selkirk's long and lonely stay on the
island. 1t was placed there in 1868 by
the officers of the British ship Topaz.
A small excursion steamer now runs
from Valparaiso to Juan Fernandez
island. The round trip is made in six
days, and three of these may be spent
on the island in fishing and visiting
those lonely but beautiful spots which,
nearly two hundred years ago, were tho
hauntsof Robinson Crusoe. Melbourne
Argus.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
THE RECTOR SANK INTO THE ARM CHAIR

deavored to deliver an original discourse
on my first appearance before congre-
cation of strangers | should certainly
break down. therefore applied to the
head of my college for assistance, and
he assured me that under the peculiar
circumstances of the case, he considered
that should be justified in preaching
sermon not of my own composition
He was further kind enough to offer
me what he described as model dis
course, then in his possession, the work,
as he stated, of n most eminent
preacher, who had given him permis-
sion to make use of it. Unfortunately,
| omitted to inform him of the name OF
my new cure, SO that he was not aware
of any reason why the rector's sermon
should not be used by me. Thus the
unfortunate occurrence happened, and
[ hasten to take all the blame upon
myself, pleading only for that indul-
gence which q young man in trying
position has right to claim.-John
Wilby."
The curate stopped, and the rector
looked inquiringly at him.
II think thatll do,' said the curate.
''Anyhow, we can try how Mrs. Nor
rett takes it."
The rector rose and held out his
hand for the paper. "The magazine
comes out on Tuesday" he observed.
Mr.. Wilby put the paper behind his
back
'I'vc been thinking, again, rector"
said he. ''that it will be extremely diff
cult to live as a gentleman should live
on hundred and fifty"
The rector frowned.
"In fact, impossible" said the curate;
and he drew near to the candles and
held the sheet of paper towards the
blaze,
You'd be in luxury on hundred
and sixty said the rector, refectively.
but should have no margin for
charity"
I-I will make it a hundred and
seventy"
II think" said the curate, per
suasively, that you won't stand GU,
on n matter of ten pounds. You might
make it hundred and eighty"
The rector sighed deeply.-N Y.
World.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
dangerous to BE at Large.

"Why are they hanging this manP"
asked the new arrival
"Fer shootn' fellcr in the laig," ex-
planned Alkali Ike, who was master of
ceremonies.
Good gracious! Would you take the
life of fellow-creature for so small a
matter as that?"
"You Let we would. You see, he
missed the feller he was shootin' at and
hit the innercent man in the laig. fel.
Ter that can't handle gun 'thout en-.
dangerin' the lives of everybody who
happens to be on the street is too dan.
gerous to have around, besides bein' a
disgrace to the community. y."-Indian'
apoljs Journal
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
THE WAY TO SHINE.
Rules for becoming a Brilliant Conver-
sationalist.

sationalist.
In these advanced and intellectual
days every young woman aspires to be
the leader of solon and the diner-out
most sought by hostesses because of
her brilliancy, but very few have the
wisdom to know just how to attain this
desirable position in society. A note
book, retentive memory and an ordin-
airy command of the English language
are the necessities.
Into the notebook should go those
good stories, those admirable bits of
repartee which are floating about. An
ecdotes about persons who are of pass
ing interest should also be jotted down.
Then on the afternoon of the day when
she wishes to dazzle, the young woman
will simply have to cast her eye over
the pages of her memorandum and she
is equipped for conquest.
1t is even advisable for the would-be
conversationalist to go to those older
and more brilliant than herself, and
humbly ask to be coached" 1t would
be mark Of flattering regard for
which the coacher ought to be willing
to pay in choice jokes ard rare stories,
always provided that he or she did not
need The entire stock on hand for the
same dinner. There need be no deceit
about using such stories. The woman
who says: "Oh, by the way! Have you
heard Mr. Jones's last?" will have sat.
isfed every claim of honesty, and al
the same time will have contributed tq
the success of the party. And if one is
willing to study colors and styles TO,
ones dinner gown, why not stories fol
ores table talk?--N Y. World.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
SAVANNAH HARDIN COUNTY, TENNESSEE JANUARY

collection. Silence was unbroken un.
til Mr.. Wilby observed in an innocent
voice.
81 hope you are not dissatisfied with
my first attempt, rector | ought to tell
you
The rector was gonel The church
wardens looked at the curate with .
sort of horror. He bade them good
night and strolied off towards the rec
tory. Before the service he had been
invited to come to supper. On his way
he passed several groups of mem bers Of
the congregations; they were talking
with much excitement. The curate took
no notice of them.
Masters in the study, SIR" said the
maid, when she opened the door,
81 will find him for myself" said Mr..
Wilby. AS he approached the door he
heard voices. "l'll thank you to tell
me, Algernon," said voice. Mr.. Wilby
knocked loudly and opened the door,
The rectors wife, still in her bonnet,
stood in the middle of the room The
rector was standing by the armchair
with one hand resting on the top of the
cushion he looked as if he were prepared
to defend the armchair with the last
drop of his blood.
I'll" began Mr.. Wilby. "Oh, l
beg pardon. l didn't see that Mrs.
Morrett was here"
Don't mind me. Pray proceed" said
the lady icily.
"I-Tve just heard such dreadful
really can't speak in Mrs. Morretts
presence"
"Jane, dear, hadn't you better leave
us?"
Mrs. Morrett stood her ground. The
rector's hand was sliding stealthiiy
down the back of the armchair Sud-
denly he gasped out loud "Oh!"
"Wellp' cried Mrs. Morrett.
81 can explain" began Mr. Wilby,
again. But the rector, signing to him
to stop, went up to his wife and took
her by the arm.
"You shall hear it all later on" he
said, as he led her from the room.
The two men were left alone to-
gether The rector sank into the fate.
full armchair and mopped his brow.
Mr.. Wilby smiled kindly upon him.
San awkward coincidence, wasn't
it?" he said.
"You-you villain!'' groancd the rec
tor.
After your sermon was so much adj
mircd, too!'
"You you've ruined me- l must
leave the parish. can't face my peo
pie"
'Oh! cheer up" and Mr.. Wilby sat al
the writing table and took pen.
Have you a parish magazine here?'
he asked.
'What's that got to do with it?"
"But have you?"
"Yes,"
The eurate took sheet of paper ant
wrote In five minutes he threw dowr
4 the pen and read what he had writer
aloud to the rector:
II feel bound to explain to the
congregation the occurrence of las
Sunday. Not having been long ii
orders, suffer greatly from nervous
ness; and, although as rule / trus
entirely to my own resources in tn,
pulpit, felt Convinced that if | en-
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25

Rsre rumor is at times made msnt
fest in the police courts Of the city and
cpantry. Quite recently an Irishman in
jersey City was under examination up
on charge of assault and battery.
When asked if he had anything tc
say in his defense, Patrick, with all the
seriousness in the world, said: well,
your honor, ] saw but little of the
fight, as was underneatbfnost of the
time, ,"-.N. Y, Herald. -
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
DIDN'T SELL THE COON.
The Fat Gentleman Was Trine Too Ex'
acting.

Eht 0NhhNmhh Noh =" sAN"N wv -
acting.
A man who had full-grown coon in
box was showing the animal off
the other day on Gratiot avenue. His
object was to make sale; but it was u
long time before anybody became par
ticularly interested. Then u fat and
jolly-looliug man came to halt, in
spected the coon for minute and in
quired;
MY friendt, who vhas dot?'
"That is coon, sir" replied the
owner. 81 ketched him on my own
farm, out here about 'leven miles"
"Do you like to sell her?'
That's what brought him in for.
That coon is well worth $40 of any
mans money, but as times are hard
md ! want cash, I'll take S., He's a
big bargain at that price. y"
"Vhas he good for something's"
"Was he? Well, should say he wasl
In the first place coons are mighty
skeerce around here, and, in the Sec
ond he's a trick coon. I've spent more
than six months learning him tricks. y
"Vhell, guess take him." said the
fat man, as he felt in his pocket 81
believe l like to buy some trick coons, .
"Where will you have him dcliv-
ered?"
"Shust waita minute. Hike to know
about dose tricks. Does dot coon vhalk
on some tight rope?"
"Tight rope? have never tried him,
but | think he could. A coon, you
know, is as intelligent as dog"
"Yes. know dot. Does he say to
you: 'Ah, derer and Where you got dot
hat?"
"No, of course not. Coons can't
talk"
"Does he hang by his TAIL like some
monkeys in der woods?"
He could, Isuppose. Ill guarantee
him to furnish you more amusement
than any ten monkeys"
Dots fine. / vhas great hand tc
be amused. II haf me some coon tc
amuse me / sit oop nights and laugh
Can dot coon sing me funny songs?"
"Sing! Who ever heard of coor
singing?'
"Vhell, doan' see Why. If he coult
sing to me it makes me feel better
Doan he call out to some peoples like
a parrot und say he vhants cracker?'
"My dear SIR" said the coon man
"you evidently expect too much of {
coon. A coon is not bird. If you ge'
him for five dollars you are making The
biggest bargain of your life. Mex
spring, when the money market il
easier, I'll be glad to give you ten dol
lars to get him back"
''Yes, dots So | belief she vahs {
big bargain. l vhas trying to buy ;
coon for more ash twenty years. How
vhas dis coon about burglars?"
"Iiow do you mean?'
"Why, if some burglars got in m.
house, What does he do nit 'em?'
DO! He won't do anything. Wha
can you expect him to do?"
"Doan' he bark and scare 'em away
Doan' he go r-r-r-r-r-rr like some burg
lar alarm?"
"No! Look here, man. You seem t.
have some queer ideas about coons' A
/ told"
"All right-all right doan' tool
him! doan' gif you even one dolla
for him! If he doan' keep burglar
away how vhas he any good to me
How vhas he any trick coon? No, sill
doan buy him for ten cents, und
like to see you go to shall for shwind
ler!''-Detroit Free Press.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
Good Manners in Children,

1t is no wonder that there are so
many ill-bred men and women in the
world when one sees the lack of pains
taken by parents to instruct their little
ones in forms of table and social eti-
quette that are so easily taught to the
pliable infant mind, but which, left un-
noticed, are soon supplanted by actions
that become bad habits in very short
time Selfishness is fostered easily
through a lack of watchfulness. The
gentler courtesies that count for SO
much are not instilled in childhood,
and in later years the man or woman
is regarded as bore. Good clothes are
not everything. Even good health is
not the only point desirable IN a child's
makeup. Good manners should be
added to health and attire in order to
gain perfect ensemble that counts
for so much in the worlds Judgment
No one can estimate how great fac
tor in life is the possession of good
manners. They are the open sesame
to the best of society. They are the
mark of the gentleman orN lady, but
they must be acquired in infancy.-De-
troit Free Press.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
To Mark Handkerchief.

Very few people have the lSnack OF
writing on linen so that they can mark
handkerchiefs neatly. Yet the mark
ing is an absolute necessity, unless one
would lose ones belongings with every
weekly washing OAe woman solves
the difficulty by embroidering her mi.
tial in one corner in the old-fashioned,
simple way, and in an unobtrusive,
small letter that does not detract from
the appearance of even the incest hand.
kerchief, as does poor handwriting or
too coarse lettering. N. Y. World.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
Getting Ii or His Mind.

''Now, john" she said persuasively,
you will try to do these few errands
for me when you get down town"
eyes, indeed" he replied.
"Dontput them off"
"No. make it rule now, when
promise to do anything for you, to get
it off my mind as quickly as possible. :"
YES" she answered, with a gentle
ness that relieved the sarcasm, "you
do; by forgetting it."-Washington it.
Star.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
Sport BEYOND the Rockies.

First Hunter-What luck?
Second Hunter-Got one crack at an
eastern dude, ~
First Hunter-Hit i'm?
Second Hunter-Yep.
First Hunter-Git imp
Second Hunter-Nop-crawled in his
collar Puck.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
Retterinc Matters

The Tenant of the Second Flat (hot-
ly)-I thought you assured the land
lord that none Of yonr family played
iua piano
The Tenant of the Third Flat-They
don't play the piano Why, They're all
only beginning to learn how.-Chieago
Record.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25

"What can You tell me about TyreP"
ssked the teacher of the Sunday-school
class.
"Mines pneumatic" piped a small
boy who owned bicycle, and the
teacher collapsed. Detroit Free Press.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1894-01-25
The Only Thing Like 1t.

"You have no Burke's Peerage in
this country" said Lord Bronsonberry
to Miss Sallie Perkins.
Nope" said Miss Perkins. "We
have only the rogues' gallery."-Truth.