The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1894-12-28
M'MANUS' NEWYEAR'S
HE MADE ONE CALL AND HAD AN
EXCITING EXPERIENCE.
Listens to q Dissertation ON Marriage by
His Friend, Dinny Leary-A Game OF
Cards Under Trying Circumstances-Mys-
terry of the Turkey and the Cat.

Listens to Dissertation ON Marriage by
His Friend, Dinny Leary-A Game OF
Cards Under Trying Circumstances-Mys-
terry of the Turkey and the Cat.
Mr.. Michael McManus related his trials
and tribulations of last New Years to q
New York Herald reporter. He said
Oh, but / had an awful time Of on
New Years day. I shtarted out the
mornin to find out fri'nd of mine from
Dingle-one Dinny Leary-whs lefe the
Green Isle several years ago. I Lsssl Sis d.
rections, an after a short searchfI found
him.
Dinny has become a married mann since
he arrived here. He was pleased to meet
me, an he introduced ne to his better
half, who was a very Interesting lady,
must say. She insilsted that / should
have me dinner with herself an husband.
Dinny, it appears, had won 30 pound
turkey at rattle the night before, an they
were goin to have it for dinner.
She done nothinl else hardly but talk
about that turkey, an what an Elegant
fowl 1t was an, faith, thought she'd
shtart in an ate the bird up before it was
cooked. : II OIL. she sY1s interrupted Oh lost
by kisuas a. a.. door, 1t seems wom-
an NAMED Mrs. Heaphy, who lived over
the way, sint her daughter across to ask
Mrs Leary to come lover an see the fine
specimen Of fowl shs had got for present.
"Shure," says Mrs. Hesphy's daughter,
"our turkey looks like an ostrich, It's 80
big Why, that's oriy q SPARROW she
went ON ass ne pointed &C Mrs Leary's
bird, which 1as OF thet table ready 70 be
put into the oven.
PUT that TURKEY n roast, " ye' ID
Mrs. Leary to her husAn4sRs sic shtar q
out to see the size of theSst sef fowl.
Well, after she whit away Jimmy began
to deliver a lecture on Marriages Mis-
take" an he shtrongly advised me 70 be-
ware of Hymn an told me he was afraud.
SEE he: My wife is an uniformed divil.
She has my Uranium like regular geog-
raphy-all full of hills and mountains.
an every now an thin she makes 1t look
more natural by lettin a soup plate fall
down between q couple of hills an shtartin
q shtream." An, faith, his head was all
full of Jumps an schars, an felt very
sorry for him.
After he got the turkey In the oven he
whit to the closet an removed a bottle Of
something can never forget. He thin
procured couple of glasses, an he sat
down, plac1n the bottle an glasses on the
table bechune US. After we had few
drinks he began to tell me more about
his wife, Moll Ryan, which was her name
before she got him into throuble.
Before we were married." he began,
IT thought Mol was an angel devoid Of
supernatural accoutermints, but after we'd
lock discovered her to be sort Of a nat
ural divil. Ye see, my wife is 'fardown'
girrul, an every other evenin she Invites
her Chrisherlough fri'nds to the house, an
they sing an dance an dhrink the whole
night, an, to make things more pleasant,
they bring off prize fight now an thin
which they appear to have previously ar
ranged.
"Why, the divil wink could shleep
whin we were f1rsht married, the house
used to be so noisy, an now, shure, am
so accustomed to the noise that I whit
to the country lately to see fri'nd, an l
staid at his place overnight, an, ye
mightn't believe 1t, but it's thrue, had
to get my fri'nd to keep shootin off can
mons before I began to shlumber."
We kept takin dhrink every once in
awhile, an Dinny got pack OF CART, AN
we began to play forty-fives.
After awhile the cards in my hand be-
gan to look like one big card, an the five
of clubs kept changin into the three OF
diamonds, thin into the ten Of shpades,
an finally the cards began to look like
lot of black shpots ON large piece of white
paper, an had to give up the game, for l
couldn't tell one card from another.
Dinny filled me out another dhrink, an
thin he looked around an saw the door of
the shtove open, an he got up an closed
it an sat or fell down again. The room
was flyin around me like chain lightnin,
an thought every minute one of the
chairs would strike me in the face.
Dinny whit to fill out another drink,
but the bottle was Imply Thin he COM
minced to sing about o couple of little
girruls in blue, but the divil a word hard
ly could I understand, for he was aither
thryin to fire all the words Of the song out
of him at once, or else he had the two
shmall girruls insiode in his throat, an
they were flghtin wild aich other IN
STRUGGLING to get out of him.
remember Mrs. Leary came in an be-
gan to tell about Mrs. Heaphy's turkey
bein miserable lookin bird, not much
bigger than a chicken, an she was as mad
as q March hare at Mrs. Heaphy, who had
the audacity to call her turkey shparrow.
Mrs Leary had brought a few fri'nd in
with her, an she began to set the table for
dinner for the crowd. She thin comminced
to blackguard Dinny about gettin dhrunk,
an she asked him how was the turkey. He
said all right, an thin she whit to the
oven an took it out an placed 1t on
platter on the table, an thin-holy muir
ther, I'll never forget that racket as long
as l livel
Dinny was bawlin, his wife was scream
in, her two frinds cleared out, the air was
full of cups an saucers, an she was hol-
lerin at Dinny "How did that get in
theref'
1 was half ashleep durin all this, an I
suddenly collected shtringth enough to
lift me head an look at the turkey, an
thin saw the cause of all the throuble.
There was big ugly tomcat which
must have jumped into the oven to ate
the bird whin the door was opin an the
fire not shtarted rightly, an Dinny closed
the door on it, an served the thafe right,
but l wouldn't mind If the drunken
blackguard hadn't pointed at me an said
! "threw the cat in there"
The plates began to fly at me, an the;
two little girruls In blue must have chang
ed into two little boys in bluas foE one Of
thin showed me out the door an down
tho shtairs, an he walloped me wild bit
of stick, an, faith, was too sick to re-
taliate.