The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1894-10-10
WIT AND HUMOR.
The question of debts is a paradox great
Few persons can true understand,
For when they're contracted, strange to re-
late

home when Fred calls. Mame-You're
"out for the stuff, p then.-1rub.
Henderson, did they turn skim
ner out of the church? Williamson
de sold the pastor a horse, Lie.
Speaking of talent of various kinds,
it takes an artist to draw good salary
these hard times. .-Batfalo Courier
Barber Ga new hand)-Have YOU cot
a mug sirp McTurk-I have, sor! and
l want it shaved dom quick Ieras
Sytings.
Priscilla-I want to get gown to
match my complexion. Perdita-Why
don't you get hand-painted one?-
Brooklyn L!fe.
%What barbarians these Asiatics are!"
exclaimed one pugilist. Eyes" replied
the other. They are actually fight
ing!"- Washington Star.
First-There is one sign that should
be placed over every letter-box in the
city. Second--What is thatp First
Post no bills Yale Record
Bacon-Does Penman make ANYTHING
out of his writings? Egbert-T don't
know. | never could make anything
out of them Yo7ekerS Statesman.
Dora-Don't you think my gowns fit
better than they used TOP Cora-Your
dressmaker told me yesterday she was
taking lessons in geometry. Harlem
Life.
Many a gifted preacher can find time
to read new book every week who
couldn't find the parable of the prodigal
son without a concordance.-Rdn1
Horn.
Mrs. Fogg-You have been naughty
boy, and shall have to tell your father,
Johnny = HIM! Just like a woman!
Can't keep a secret.-BoSton Tran
script.
The single eyeglass. says philoso-
pher, is worn by the masher. The
theory is that he can see more with
one eye than he can comprehend
Truth.
Father (visiting at college)-My son,
these are better cigars than l can af
ford. Son-That's all right, father;
take all you want; this is on me- Yale
Record.
%Got any drumsP" asked the worried
looking man. Boys drums, mean" T"
%Yes, SIR" said the dealer, I'VE have
just the thing. They only last about a
week"
Very Amateur Singer Cat evening
party sings)-"O, let me like soldier
fall" Agonized Guest-You certainly
should if had gun anywhere handy.
Half Holiday.
A little Boston boy, after observing
the hairless and toothless condition of
his new baby brother spoke of him as
an unfinished home product. PHIL
0delphGa Record
Teacher-The race is not always to
the swift Do you understand the inner
meaning of thatP Bright Boy-Some-
times the head feller's tire gets pune
tured.-Good Nes0s.
at isn't fair to set the strong against
the weak" sententiously remarked the
new boarder as he pushed his butter
plate away from its contact with his
coffee cup.-Bufalo Courier.
@The Chinese are very persistent, re-
marked Miss Learned to gentleman
visitor. Il don't know about that 1t
seems to me the character of China
man is apt to be wishy-washy. ."-Teras
Siftimgs.
Aid de Camp-Your Honor, two Bos-
ton capitalists arrived to-day to invest
in Colorado real estate and mortgages.
Gov. Waite [excitedly)-I will make
speech. They must be driven off,
Minneapolis Journal.
Wickwire-I tell you, old boy, there's
nothing like baby TO brighten up
mans home. Yabsley-Yes. I've no.
ticed that the gas seems to be at full
height in your house almost any Iour
of the night. Harlem Life.
Miss AliceP" said one. "Why, she
must weigh at least $50 pounds. "Non-
sense! she doesn't either" hastily spoke
up one of the young men present. And
then everybody asked him how he
knew.-Sonaerville Journal
Hatterson-I hear your boy is study
ing under tutor preparatory to enter
ing college. How is he getting on?
Catterson-Great, old man. In the last
three months he has increased two inch
es around the chest.-Jadge.
Jasper-Girls always want to marry
for love but when they grow older they
look after the money. Jumpuppe-
You express yourself very ungallantly.
Women never grow older. They SIM
ply grow wiser-1OlC1t Topics.
II really can't see the slightest differ
ence between good catholic and
good protestant-and I've lived 60 years
Z
sixty seconds in the next before you see
the difference. Pail Mall Budget.
Friend-You still employ Dr.. Hard
head, see. Mrs. De Style-He's just
lovely! My husband and l both like
him. When we are ailing he always
recommends old port for my husband
and Newport for me.-M 7. Weekly.
"Is aunty a delusion, mammal"
@Why, Bertie! What put such an OUT
landish question in your head?" well,
heard papa say that Mr.. Gofast was
always hugging some delusion or other
and last evening" "Berte! He did
mott"
Miss Findesiecle- Don't you think,
Mr.. Fourinhand, that the new bloomer
costume for lady cyclists is very sensi-
bleP Mr. Fourinhand-Wel we men
can get accustomed to almost anything
but it makes it so hard to control the
horses.-Judge.
Uncle Josh (who has been indus
triously eating with his kpife)-Gosh!
them new-fangled wittles you people
have all seem to 90 down the wrong
way Niece Matilda. Niece Matilda
That is probably because they were put
in the wrong way Truth.
Suburban Boy-Mamma asked me
what was my favorite flower, an we n
/ told her golden rod she kissed me and
said L was poetic. Wot does that mean?
Little Girl don't know. Why doy you
like the golden rodP Suburban Boy
Cause it grows without any bother
Good Nea0S.
Aunt Sarah Jane-I believe them
Oldhams is gitten to be regular aguos-
tics. They don't keep the family bible
on the center-table in the best room nc
more. Aunt Ann Eliza-Well, 'tisn't
their religion they're hiding. It's theil
age. Them Oldham girls is getting
on.-Iratb.
"Don't bothah me, please" sale
Chawles to friend, who had addressed
him. Il cawn't answer any questions
XNnnllzz In, getting h,rrai ,a-fan. 8