The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1894-06-29

| swear Dy me, anu meekly 1OllOW
whithersoever | go; and / will go
your way every time.
'T will daily and eyeningly point
out to them that their woes are due
not to feas, but only to bad fleas ;
and every morning and evening |
will announce that |, the Great
Gee Whizz, having Greater Cir
culation than all the other Gee
Whizzes combined, have a brand
new great scheme on hand, that
shall infallibly deliver them from
all their woes; and every day |
will astound them with a great new
disclosure of some gigantic and
OyerShadowing wickedness of the
bad tleas, which | alone, the great
Gee Whizz, have exclusively dis
covered and | will keep them for
ever believing that they are just on
the very point of having all their
wrongs righted, and that by my
engineering and the might of my
power, a great avalanche of Good
Victuals is about to fall upon them.
Thus will | be their Champion and
serve you.
"All the news of the day that is
of no importance, and is not
ought-provoking, | will give to
them, clothed in the garb of Strict
Truth but all any news that it may
not be eXpedient unto you to give
them, / will suppress or so garble it
that its power to injure you shall be
nullified for you and | will own
and guard all the avenues of infor-
nation, and we will make them all
converge to and pass through a
sitter and a filter that | will devise,
so that the fool dogs shall get moth
ing but nice, pure, wholesome,
well selected stuff.
''Moreover, my Bamboozle shall
every day give them wholesome
amusement. From the tropically
fertile dunghills of my Circulators'
prostituted brains, I will gather
and scatter amongst them every
morning and evening, whole bou-
quets of the rankest literary toad
stools, skunk cabbage and stink
weeds which they will take, on the
strength of their faith in me as the
Great Gee Whizz, for the choicest
of flowers. Thus will | peryert
their nos9s and they shall utterly
lose all discernment. Oh, I will
pour trashy, sickly, foolish, unclean
and horrifc blood and thunder
stories into their disordered brains
until sober truth shall be insipid
unto them, and they shall come to
hate everything but that which
raises their hair with horror and
gives them the shivers and creeps
and blood curdleS, Thus will |
soften their brains and imbecilitate
their minds, so that they shall be
as putty to your moulding"
" Enough, enough" cried
Mountebank Dephool Flea. "Thou
art my sort to a dot. If thou canst
do only half what thou proposest,
thou wilt be worth to us thy weight
in gold"
"Aye, ave." cried all the rest of
the BamboOzling Committee, and
the MOnstrOus Fleas, in chorus,
"thOu art indeed Flea Savior, sent
of God in the nick of time to deliver
us; perform but a tenth of these
thy promises to us, and we will
make thee as fat and wealthy as the
most mOnstrOus of u.s."
"Aha - laughed the Phenom-
enon, aye know not the greatness
and extent of my power. Ye have
devised acknowledgements, which in
the simplicity of your hearts, ye
think are very fine; but they are
transient and evanescent, and of
themselves will surely fail ; for they
lack the essential conditions of sue
cessful bamboozlement, namely,
semi daily continuance. Bambooz-
lements, to be enduring, must be
applied daily; and therein do |
prove my inestimable value to you,
for am the Great Many Headed
Semi iDaily Press, the Everlasting
Three Humid re d-and-SiXty y-five-
Days-a- Year Gee Whizz, and the
Immense Circulator.
"But | will do more than the