The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-06-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


A sure thing--Your feminine oppo-
nent.
The counterfeiter never takes more
than a passing interest in his bust
ness.
"The stuff of which heroes are made"
Wood pulp and printers ink
Puck.
When G girl counts on her fingers,
she invariably counts most on the en-
gagement finger.
When competition among surgeons
is not usually strong, they nearly all
have cut prices. Truth.
The man with only one idea is much
more dangerous than the man without
any ideas at ll.--Dallas News.
"Ihe Colonel is very reserved
man" ''Yes. Always was-all through
the war. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A good name will give you the use
of other mems riches. But its riskier
to be an indorser than n capitalist.
Puck.
Pessimist- -"Revenge is sweet"
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.; but it leaves
bad taste in your mouth New York
Journal.
Priscilla--''Don'ty you wish you were
old Van Bullion's wife," Prunella-
''No; but wish was his widow. -
New York Herald.
If q woman wants a welcome when
she gets home she should leave her
husband with the baby when she goes.
-Atchison Globe.
When boy washes his face without
being told, his mother thinks that
there is something the matter with
him.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
We all admit that marriage is a lot
terry, but we are, also, convinced that
we know the lucky combination. -
Kate Fields Washington.
A petrifed woman has been found
in Illinois. 1t is suspected that her
husband paid dressmaker's bill with
out kicking Buffalo Express.
They say that time is money, yet
'Twould be Joy most strange
II we could take five minutes out
And get IS change.
American Industries.
''What did Mangie receive that
medal for that he now wears?" ''He
has run over more people than any
man in our bicycle club. ."-Chicago
Inter rOcean.
Edith--'T thought you and Mabel
were fast friends" Nellie eve used
to be" "And you are not now?"
"No" ''What was his name? ?"-New
York Weekly.
"There Is one thing can be said of
Brownie always attends to his own
business" "Yes, sir; that's why his
last employer discharged him. Chi
cago Inter-Ocean.
Teacher of Decorum-''Now, jim
my, why is it that a man speaks of his
wife as his better half?" Jimmy
"Mebbe, It's cos she costs tn most |"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"You should see Cholly in his new
spring suit. He is out of sight"
"Then he illustrates proverb."
"What proverb?" "Out of sight, out
of mind. New York Press.
All up and down the whole creation,
Everywhere we roam,
The Whit of paint and soapsuds makes
Every place like home.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Amlable Visitor-"And this is the
baby, is it? Why, it's the very image
of its father" Cynical Uncle-"Well,
it needn't mind that as long as it has
good health. Chicago Tribune.
"That's the kind of weather profit
for me, mentally observed the mer-
chant, calmly charging customer 30
for 50 umbrella one rainy mornings O
day or two ago. o.-Bufalo Courier.
Teacher-"The Prince was born
when the battle of Leipzig took place.
Now, who can tell me the date of his
birth?" Pupil--''The 18th, 18th and
10th of October. "-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
Hazel-'Do you know, papa never
knows when Tom goes home. The
clock is always stopped when he calls"
Ethel-''Dear me Is he homely
enough for thatY-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
my dear young woman, it is well
known that intellectual women are not
good-looking. "And how would you
classify me?" "Why, you are not at
all intellectual" "Oh, you hatterer /"
-Fliegen1e Blaetter.
Editor-'I regret, Mr.. Barnstorm-
or, that my paper referred to your
starring trip as starving one " Mr..
Transformer - Don't mention it.
Your statement was absolutely cor
rect. New York journal.
May-"Are you still calling on Mel.
lie Update?" Brother Jaok--''Yes;
she's a very bright girl. May-"She
must be hear you don't need a light
in the parlor when you and she are
there. Philadelphia Record.
Excuse me, sir, said the beggar,
"but did you ever hear it said that
money talks?' II have" said the
wayfarer "Well-er-w would YOU
mind Latino, ma bava a dina for a Co.,