Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1894-06-01
HUMOR OF THE DAT.

sure thing-Your feminine oppo-
nent.
The counterfeiter never takes more
than q passing interest in his busi-
ness.
"Ihe stuff of which heroes are made"
Wood pulp and printers ink
Puck.
When 9 girl counts on her fingers,
she invariably counts most on the en-
gagement finger.
When competition among surgeons
is not usually strong, they nearly all
have cut prices. Truth.
The man with only one idea is much
more dangerous than the man without
any ideas at all. Dallas News.
THE Colonel is a very reserved
man" ''Yes. Always was-sll through
the war. cleveland Plain Dealer.
A good name will give you the use
OF other mems riches. But its riskief
to be an indorser than capitalist
Puck.
Pessimist- "Revenge is sweet"
Philosopher-"Maybe; but il leaves q
bad taste in your mouth. New York
Journal.
Priscills-''Don'ty you wish You were
old Van Bullion's wife," Prunells-
"No; but wish was his widow. -
New York Herald.
II q woman wants welcome whom
she gets home she should leave her
husband with the baby when she goes
-Atchison Globe.
When boy washes his face without
being told, his mother thinks that
there is something the matter With
him. -Pittsburs Dispatch.
We all admit that marriage is lot
terry, but we are, also, convinced that
we know the lucky combination. -
Kate Fields Washington.
A petrifed woman has been found
in Illinois. 1t is suspected that her
husband paid dressmsker's g bill with
out kicking. Buffalo Express.
They say that time is money, yet
'Twould be Joy most strange
II we could take Ave minutes out
And get s5 change.
American Industries.
"What did Mangie receive that
medal for that he now wesrsP" 'Hs
has run over more people than any
man in our bicycle club. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
Edith--"I thought you and Mabel
we're fast friends" Nellie used
to be-" "And you are not nows"
"No." "What was his name2"-Nev
York Weekly.
There Is one thing can be said OF
Brownie always attends to his own
business" "Yes, sir; that's why his
last employer discharged him. Chi
cago Inter-Ocean.
Teacher of Discriminatory, Jim
my, why is it that man speaks OF his
wife as his better half" Jimmy
"Mebbe, Us COS she costs th' mosti"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"You should see Cholly in his new
spring suit. He is out of sight"
"Then he illustrates proverb."
"What proverb?" "Out OF sight, out
of mind. New York Press
All up and down the whole creation,
Everywhere we roam,
The Whit of paint and soapsuds makes
Every place like home.
Chicago Inter-Ooean.
Amiable Visitor-"And this is the
baby, is it2 Why, it's the very image
of it's father" Cynical Uncle-"Well,
it needn't mind that as long as It has
good health. ."-Chicago Tribune.
That's the kind of weather profit
for me, mentally observed tho mer-
chant, calmly charging customer %
for a 81 umbrella one rainy morning .
day or two ago. Buffalo Courier.
Teacher-"The Prince was born
when the battle of Leipzig took place.
Now, who can tell me the date OF hia
birthP" Pupil--'"The l7th, 18th and
10th of October. ."-Fliegends Blaet-
ter.
Hazel-"Do You know, papa never
knows when Tom goes home. The
clock is always stopped when he oalls. "
Ethel-''Desr mel Is he homeIy
enough for that" Chicago Inter.
Ocean.
my dear young woman, it is we'll
known that intellectual women are not
good-looking." "And how would you
all intellectual" ''Oh, you fatterer !"
-Fliegenae Blaetter.
Editor-'I regret, Mr.. Barnstorm.
er, that my paper referred to your
starring trip AZ starving one. Mr..
Transformer - Don't mention il.
Your statement was absolutely cor
rect. New York Journal
May--"Are you still calling ON Nell
lie UpdateP" Brother Jack -"Yes /;
she's very bright girl" May" "She
must be; hear You don't need light
in the parlor when you and she are
there. ."--Philadelphia Record.
Excuse me, SIR" said the beesar,
"but did you ever hear ii said that
money talksP" II have" said the
wayfarer. "Well-er-would you
, mind letting me have q dime for few
> mlnutss' chat? I'm awful lonesomo u