The record-union., 1894-01-27
LITTLE BITS.

What is done cannot be undone. espe-
cially if it is hard-boiled eggs.-Texas
Siftings.
Employer-Well, Patrick, which is the
biggest tool. you or |? Patrick-Faith,
I couldn't say, sor; but it's not meself.
A sweet little four-year- added this
clause TO her petition the other night:
"And please help grandma not to talk so
much when the pies get burned. ."-Bos-
ton Traveller.
Bridget-Please. mum, there's a poor
man at the door, with a glass eye. Mis-
tress-Why, Bridget, what do you sup
pose we want of a glass eye? Tell him
we don't care for it.
The young housewife TO the butcher)-
Have you a nice spring chicken this
morning? "Yes, ma'am." "Then please
cut out the croquettes and send them to
my address. ."-Christian Register.
Hello, Jack, I understand you're en-
gagged" 81 am, old man, to the" 'Ah,
yes, I know; to the dearest, sweetest
little woman on earth. The one woman
calculated to make you happy home.
the embodiment of your ideal, the dream
of your youth 20 ''Say, old man, how
how did you ever find that out? You
you don't know her, do W-Harper' 8
Bazaar.
Della-Bench shows, indeed Well.
Fll never 60 to another one. Harry
Why not? II went to one last year and
there was nothing there except dogs"
did you catch the drift of Dawdie's
speech at the club last nightY Yes;
that was all there was to 1t"
Oh, wad some power
Near ntighbOrS gle
The gift TO see US as
ourselves we see.
"Are YOU housekeeping yet?" He
Yes, but it seems like boarding. mo
care nor trouble" He-Not that, but we
have boiled rice and fried liver so often.
"BIinkens is one of the most thought
full men Pve ever known" I'm what
way ?" whenever he mas an engage
ment with his wife he always goes about
two hours after the time appointed"
''Do you call that kind ?'' "Oh, yes. she
always thinks she is on time to the very
minute then"
ST don't believe Smithly knows his
own mind ever" ''Well, he deserves q
GOOD deal of credit.r 'For WHAT" $40
think that he knows that he has mind
at all.'
'sFicgley is about the most generous
fellow I've met" "What did he do?"
'Wouldn't even keep single promise
he'd make for paying up mis- bills"
"Why is Miss Antique so very anxious
to meet Bilkins? lie is poor, and has no
social standing" "Yes, but she under
stood that he couldn't talk five minutes
without giving himself away"
81 suppose Goodboy must be very val
liable to the firm; they have doubled his
salary" "Oh, no; he has grown old in
their service and the pay was so small
he couldn't see it any longer"
''Its a pity Grabber has injured his
eyes so greatly by steady reading" II
thought he was a clerk at ribbon coun-
ter" He is, but he always keeps his
seat on the cable cars going home"
Ibid you ever experience an earth
quake shock here?" "N-no-but pve
changed cooks three times in one week."
''Does Mr.. Scrawl contribute regularly
to some part of your paper ?" "Yes; the
waste paper part"
Manager-Ye es, / want new play, but
1 want something novel, something start
ling, something never seen or heard of
before. Author-Pve got it; just the thing.
The plot leads up to a train robbery.
Manager = Nothing new about that.
Authorizes, there is. The passengers
rise as one man and smash the robbers
New York Weekly.