Birmingham age-herald., 1894-08-03
WILL SOCK IT TO JOE.
"lF THA'S ANY LAW THAT'S WORTH A DuRN," SAYS WAYBACK GEORGE.

Hopes Up and Then Down, and the Same
 Thing Over Again.
 eff tha's any law that's worth a durn, then Pm gointer sock it on to Joe Plum an make him sweat" said Wayback George Simpson at Geeville, in tho hem- lock belt. There are two George Simpsons in that neighborhood, so they call one Wayback George because he lives eight miles back in the hills, and the other Handyby George because he lives only three miles down the creek. This is so they won't mix tho two Georges up.
 II sposo ye heer'd about the circus that showed over to town last week." said Wayback George. First circus that's been anyways nigh this deestrie' in five year. Last one that como along me an the old woman got free tickets for lettin the snowman stick some picturs on our cowshed door, an we was feelin tol'able good over this ope too for tha wasn't no doubt but what they'd want to use that COW shed door agin fer pictur's Sure enough, they drove into our place, iist ahead O the big thunderstorm that sloshed things around in the decstric' so permiscu- ous. l ast 'em into the house, an we signed for the barn door ag' in. 1 made an all fired good bargain with 'em, fer they throwed in tickets fer the man eatin can nibals an the pig that plays keerds. Jest ez they was signing fer the tickets a piece O light busted right over the farm an swooped down onto that COW shed. In less time than I kin tell ye that shed was blaz- in, an ther wasn't no door left fer to put the pictur's on. Course that ended the deal an felt sorry fer the ole woman, fer sho had set her heart on goin to tho show, an she took on awful cause ther wasn't nothin left O the shed to paste show pic tur' on. Some folks mowt "a thought that Sairy d "a felt worse over the COW bein killed in the shed by the lightnin than over the wipin off O tho face O the earth of 3 by slab door, but setch folks hain't acquainted with Sairy's yearnin's
 |" Cows hain't skeerce, said Sairy, but I'll bate tha won't be another circus with in 100 miles O this deestric in 40 yeari she says, specially one with a keerd playing pig an man eatin cannibal, she says.
 Well, that lightnin mado mo an tho ole woman goin to the circus look leetle out O the question, an things was gloomy about my cleerin. Sol Parker owed mo considerable on chopin job but Sol had run booty well to emptyins on cash an tha wasn't much show for my ever gttin any from him, but Sairy had an idee.
 You go over to Sol Parker's,.' she says, an tell him that ye hate to poster him, Cause ye know he's leetle close to the wind but that tha's a circus comin, an sumpin must be did. Tell him, says Sairy, that yell take that ole sheep O his'n an call it square, says she Them show folks has got to hev meat fer their animals, says she. You kin trade 'em that sheep fer tickets fer the show, says Sairy,
 ''I went over to Sol's, an he wasn't no ways slow in takin me up, for 1 don't s'pose he could'a got more'n seven shillin for his old ewe I druv the sheep home, an things cheered up the powerfulest kind.
 Joe Plum lives jest beyond me, an he never had no COW shed nor nothin else that anybody could stick show pictur' on, an so when he heard that I was spectin to hire my shed door fer tickets to the show he was madder'n snake, 'cause he didn't hev no kind O chance O gettin therc his self. When he heertl that my shed was eat up by lightnin, an that the deal for tickets was off, Joe come ovor a-grinnin meaner'n a hyeny.
 ''So we've changed yer mind bout goin to the show, hev yeS' says he to me. It's goin ter be hummer, they tell me, says he.
 1T didn't say much to Joe, fer I know'd he couldn't go nuthor, an that was some consolation, fer if he'd ben a-goin l think I'd had to jump on him right there an thump him so he couldn't a got out fer a month made big mistake not a-doin it, 1 tell ye
 "Well when I got SoPs sheep, an Joe Plum heerd what were calclatin to do with it, he got maddor'n he was afore an come over an said he had his idee O folks that trade off an innercent sheep fer lions an taggers to cat, jest to git in an sec circus that wasn't goin ter mount to much anyhow. An 1 laughed at Joe, an tw1tted him Cause he couldn't go to the show, an ast him how much of his clcarin he'd give to be mo an Sairy on show day. Joe was all but crazy, all most felt sorry fer him to think what we was goin ter see an he was goin ter miss.
 ''Thc mornin fore show day 1 went to take look at tho sheep, an tho sheep was gonel, A bar had come down outen tho woods, killed my sheep an cat tho most of it right on tho premises, without my ever gottin an inklin of it. Sairy swoond- cd dead away when told her, an felt like singin 'Hark, From tho Tombs an throwin ashes over me. When Sairy come to, she give a few gulps an then says to me:
 '''Dont you say a word so that JOe Pluin's folks'l hear O this, she says. I'd ruther go right over Jurdan this a minute than hear them Plums agloatin 'causo can't git to sco tho showP says she.
 'So I kep' mum, an WIG glcolncd an 1 gloomod for a couple O days Then Joe J Pklm como ovcr grinnin wussn ever
 "sI didn't sec you nor Sairy to tho show, says he. 1t was hunrncr,' says he
 '' How do yc know9' says l.
 Me an my folks was there, gays he, chuckln.
 ''I most fell dead.
 '''Yes,' says he. Tho mornin fore tho show seen a biz bar sneakn hind