The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1894-03-31
a vlslTTo UTAH.
An Instance of tho Prepondernnee nj
smiths In That Territory.

Smiths In THAT TefrltOFys
That know about magnificent
territory and its vastly interesting
population is due solely 10 accident l
had become ashamed Of sailing east
year after year, and made up my mind
to hitch my wagon to tho star OF en-
pire and learn something of my own
great country.
knew there was . territory called
Utah. where Mormons INDUCED In the
domestic eccentricity Of polygamy, and
that was oil. might visit Salt Lake
City. All would depend upon circum-
stances. All did. 1t CHANGED that in
the middle Of October found myself
in mining town.
l was to cross the mountains on
horse back, and snow blocked the way.
I sat disconsolately in one of those
hostelries that reconcile you to instant
death. 1t was gotten up on tho noble
principle of violating every longing Of
the human soul.
No lath and plaster had ever defiled
the virgin boards that separated one
human being from another. 1t didn't
make any difference which door was
banged upon. All humanity responded
to the thunder As even worm will
turn, so did my soul revolt when one
morning at an unearthly hour voice
from my keyholc shouted: Smith, it's
time to skipr'
"My names not Smith," replied,
aroused from dreams of home
what is your name, then? If itisn't
Smith it ought to be-you're down In
the register as Smith"
mo, that's not Smith," shouted my
opposite neighbor. the day clerk.
s'Smith's at the end of the hall"
"Well, this is the end Of the hall"
"Aren't there two ends? It's the
other end, you fool"
"Who wants Smith2" asked sharp
voice in the distance. "I'm Smith,"
"What's the matter? I'm Smith,"
shouted still another voice.
We're the guests all Smiths, myself
excepted?
well, whichever Smith wants oget
up at four o'clock, him's the one,'
growled the keyhole.
Both tho Smiths slammed their re-
spective doors with big. big D..
cts Smith in No. l." screamed the
day clerk, and the idiotic porter per-
formed reveille on No. 1 until the
right Smith responded, and everybody
but the other two Smiths and myself
put out their heads wanting to know
where the fire was
If sleeping were farce, what shall I
say Of the feeding?
Eat, drink and be merry" was tho
cheerful salu tation suspended over the
dining room entrance. 1t was sickly
sarcasm, as there was nothing to eat,
nothing to drink away from the bar,
and being merry nnder such circum-
stances was more than could DO ex-
pected from even Mark Tapley.
This was not the town where read
the significant scale of prices war
ranted to meet the requirements Of any
appetite:
Good meal. ....."....".... ...s.s.ss.s...e g
square meal. .'................' ss.s.-sss.ss g
Perfect gorgc............ ................. W
dared not expostulate, for 1t was In
this sylvan retreat that an innocent
"tenderfoot' was asked by the waiter.
who carried his right hand to the rear
of his person and laid it firmly upon .
very perceptible pistol, Ham or
bacon?''
"Both." replied tho ''tenderfo0t. :"
This was too much for human endur-
ance. Drawing forth his pistol, the
unsophisticated child of the mountains
exclaimed: mo SIGH epicurean gor.
mandism were allowed in that Or coru-
munityr'
Being taken for Smith was IN in
suit; being starved to death was ON In
jury. 1t was time for me to 60. 6hak-
ing the snow of my feet, mndly
started for the nearest big town. Il
CHANGED to be Salt Lake City. ] Ok.
pected to remain week. Itarried one
year.-Kate Fields Washington.