Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-03-18

shv'Wdrfe ana enjoying the htWOsphSie
which one Thomas Jefferson had been for
merry wont TO breathe acquainted snyseir
thoroughly with the habits OF equines--so
checked suit and red cravat ] wore used
90 say that ! looked decidedly "horssy."
At driving got 10 be an expert, and the
iG-year-old colt that was In the habit OF
dragging me over the country grew 80
fond of It's master that It took all sorts or
liberties with me. Sometimes tho brute
would get into thoughtful humor. ahd
would come to n dead standstill, and no.
thing could. induce II 10 move. Then
again II would become inspired, as though
saturated with red pepper and AT theSe
times would leap mud-puddIes. FENCES
bitches. and everything, regardless or the
buggy and my Importance In this Com
monwcalth. Om one occasion. when the
beast was In this sort OF humor, II was
my painful duty TO go to the depot 10
meet my father There were several DAN
gerous bridges TO cross, ana hsd no
positive information as to whetner the
colt had ever become reconcdled 10 steam
locomotives and the progress OF modern
civilization. but fllal duty prompted me TO
risk my life. and so | started out 1 COLI
signed my soul to God. and after telling
my my bhcbihhNt pN''N''s'
were, we started. The colt all the time
was looking at me Though the whites OF
his eyes, and when got into the buggy
ne gave n swish with his tail at a horse.
fly, and then started. The animal launched
forth with a sort of grasshopper move
mcnt, and In four jumps the buggy, the
colt, and i were at the station. On the
return trip the animal resumed its thought
full. melancholy air. and when l olsen
tangled my parent at the front gate, L
congratulated myself on my skin as a
charioteer. My father. however, heaved n
massive, blast-furnace sort Of sigh, and
turning to me, he said; Thank heavens.
IT'S over ! haven't been In so much dan
ger since | was in the Confederate army"
Hon. Camm Patteson, the Duke or
Buckingham" as he is justly called by
his brother members Of the Legislature,
appears 10 share my views on the sub
feet of horses. Just before the close
Of the session of the General Assembly
he got to talking too much $50 his COL
leagues thought, and they decided On a
decent. respectable sort OF way to murder
him. They invited him TO go on fox
chase. thinking that this would be the
surcst method for his destruction. Ac-
cording to Hon. John s. Harris. who, by
the way. is a great rider, the Duke didn
exactly appreciate the idea of being
hurried To destruction. but he accepted the
Invitation. In selecting his charger from
a livery stable. Camm asked for high
stopper that looked like he was going
sixty miles an hour. but in reality only
had n fOrty-minutc gait The Iiveryman
said he had just this style Of IL horse.
The buckingham delegate mounted the
Pegasus and rode off in triumph, and
judging from the splendid start. Camm' $
colleagues concluded that there were no
hopes for his destruction. In fact, the
horse seemed filled with Christian charity
towards all the world. and the legislator
concluded that he was born To be a rider;
but he subsequently changed his views.
When The dogs struck the trail the old
brute forgot all about the Virginia Legis-
lature. the Duke Of buckingham. and
everybody else. He gave plunge. Il
snort. "A whisk OF his tail. and away he
went. carrying with him the terror
stricken brother Of Richmond's young
lawyer. Before the chase was ended
Camm. in his imagination. saw the Gene
raj Assembly holding memorial services
over his remains, but as only those whom
the gods love die young. he escaped with
his life, and has since recovered su1ii-
GENTLY to do "A great deal more talking.
The worst part about II all was that the
Duke was riding with a young lady when
his horse became inspired to make the
dash. and although courtesy required
that she should beat her companion on
the finish, she was left miles behind.
But il wasn't Camm's fault He was
very much in the fix Of the Irishman with
the bull If anybody had questioned him
as to where he was going. he would have
yelled back: Don't ask me; ask the
horse"
Colonel c. Percy Halves Is just bulging
with knowledge about horses. He can
look in a colts mouth and tell YOU whether
the youngster was raised on cows milk
or condensed milk; he can tell whether The
colts teeth need gold or amalgam-fill-
ings-in fact he can look in an equine $
mouth and tell pretty much everything
on earth about the horse: yes, even more
than the horse knows itself. But the
Colonel recently heard about fellow that
was even wiser than he People would
send this individual their old. broken-down
chargers and in few weeks the fellow
would appear on the scene driving the
same horses. and the change in their con-
dltions would be simply marvellous. They
would rear and plunge. and step as high
as though though they were treading arr
And then. when the owners would take
back their property, the horses would be
as good for nothing as before.
This sort OF business completely mysu-
fed the public. 1t was not the way the
eft har for on
days they were stepping high" other peo-
pie could make them show the same spirit
At last, however, the secret leaked out
The fakr had put two powerful magnify
Eyeglasses in the leather cye-pieces, and
everything that met the equne's vision APP
peared enlarged. When they saw pebble
I'm front OF them they thought II was q
mountain, and prepared to climb II. Anc
Is il any wonder that they were high step
pers under these circumstances? This
magnifying-glass trick, by the way. re-
minds me very much Of a story | recently
heard of n cow-epidemic. Somewhere IN
Europe a disease broke out among The
cattle. and all the bovines commenced
going blind. At last. some enterprislng
chap discovered that the only remedy for
the evil was TO put spectacies on the COWS
And so n large order of eyeglasses was
made and IL was quite common thing n
see the pretty bossies ambing round tic
meadows with blue or green goggles or
their noses. 1t gave the cows n most In
tellectual look. and throughout the try
ing situation they never lost their gravity
The same man invented an ear-trumpet fol
deaf COWS. and subsequently patented gam
shoes for the animals TO wear in rainy
weather In that part OF the world II
was quite an everyday thing TO see calves
tripping about the wet grass in rubber ga
loshes These same calves drank con-
densed milk, and used pearl dentrifce fot
their teeth.
Great Scott, I started out on horses
and now ] find myself talking about cows
In conclusion. | wish some friend would
advise me as to the best means Of hating
a buggy at a curb-stonS In case one want,
TO take q lady out driving. and also as 20
the best manner OF turning the vehicle
around When l perform the last feat
always have TO get out and lead the ami
NAL AS to driving up TO the stepping
stone, / never hope to be able TO do that
Sometimes | drive up and down the square
fifty times when trying to do this. and
finally end by hosting the girl In from the
rear.
H., H. so,tbaast cornar of the la spmpnt