Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-12-19
HUMOROUS.

nO mOnOOo'
In "a menagerie-"This is the great
boa constructor, which usually swal-
lows whole pig for its breakfast:
Not quite so close, sir, if you please. "
-Tid-Bits.
Father" said the boy, "what is
insolvent?" "Insolvent, was the
reply, "is merely long word used
to describe a short condition. v
Washington Star.
She-Col. Firstnite considers HIM
self such a critic that he never
smiles during a performance. He
But you should see him between
the acts.-Brooklyn Life.
Charlie-It is strange that George
should have stopped to marry a
ballet girl. Fred-Oh! She doesn't
dance any more. George does the
dancing now.-New York Herald.
New Yorker (sneeringly) 1
thought you were going to have an
elevated road in Boston? Hubb
True Blue-We have lots of them;
in fact, everything about Boston is
elevated Boston Courier.
"Did | understand you to say
that Thompson was farmer?"
"Good gracious, no! | said he made |
his money in wheat. You never
heard of farmer doing that, did
u?"-Indianapolis Journal.
Fingle-There goes a woman with
history. Fangle-That woman
who just left your Office? How do
you know? Fingle-She worked
for an hour trying to sell it to me-"
Buffalo Courier.
A Chicago man recently saved his
life by carrying roll of 500 bills
inside his vest when a bullet came
that way. Yet there are people who
neglect so simple precaution.-
Paul Globe.
Baron-I am going to get mar
ried. What do you think of that,
John? John Delighted. ] al
ways believed | would get back the
money | lent you.-Fliegende Blat-
ter.
Schoolmate-Why do you never
touch your piano? Miss Thumper
We're buying it on installments.
What difference does that make?
I'm afraid if paw should hear me
play, he'd stop paying.-Good News.
Eager maiden-Well, Reginald,
what did papa say?
Rejected suitor (about to depart
1t cannot be expressed in words.
All that | can tell you is that his
answer gave me great pain.--Truth.
Intimate friend-Has your hus-
bands love grown cool? Sarcastic
wife-Oh, no. He loves himself
just as much now as he did when
we were married twenty years ago.
--Somerville Journal.
Miss Youngbride-I have not
the slightest idea how the wedding |
service begins. I'll have to look on |
up. Her intended (glancing with |
admiration at the wedding gifts u
Why not start off, Know all men
by these presents?'- ?'-Harlem Life.
II think Miss Smith and Mr..
Jones must be engaged; they have
had their portraits taken together"
Indeed? am glad to hear it. /
knew when | introduced them that
she would be taken with him.
New York Press.
Mrs. Honeymoon-Do you love
me? Old Party (confdentially,
from other seat, to bridegroom )-l
She's asked you forty-seven times
already. | get out here, but I'll
leave the score with this gentleman
by the window.
Benevolent old LADY, wish to
leave all my property to charity.
Lawyer:-Your relatives might con-
test the will. Why not give the
property to charity at once? Old
lady:-Oh, no; they'd put me in a
lunatic asylum
"Why, Jimmy, my darling boy,
you've got the medal for good be-
havior this week" said the fond
mother, noting the little silver med
al on her sons vest. "Yessum,"
said Jimmy. "Tommy Roberts won