The Press., 1894-01-18
w. C. T. U. DEPARTMENT.
"Let Those Laugh Who Win" :"

1 "Let Those Laugh Who vin."
 ssWill you not take any, really? Sure 1 Iy you have not turned teetotaler, my boy?"
 'l have indeed, sir" was tho prompt reply, and the lip of the speaker curled into an amused smile at the attention his refusal to take wine at an evening party had attracted, and the astonishment de- Epicted on every countenance at his subse- quent confession.
 Do you mean that you have signed the pledge?" lispcd one young lady in a cone expressive of extreme horror, eyeing him as though she had been a Jewess of the oiden days, and he straggler from the drove of some Samaritan swineherd.
 ''I have even committed that unpardon- able transgression against the laws of po- 1--Hte society, returned the young man in a 1 slightly mocking tone, the irony of which, however, though clearly perceptible to a fine ear, was completely lost upon the particular pair of organs to which it was 1 addressed, their outward delicacy being I one of Dame Naturcs most shameless l frauds.
 N> "Very praiseworthy for common peo- pie, who are incapable of controlling themselves, but utterly absurd for gentle men. Any one who so commits himself loses caste forever ill my estimation,' D said naughty, dark eyed girl in the clear, tensely-strung accents of extreme scorn. She spoke to fair-browed youth, who apparently hung on every silvery- 1 tongued word that fell from her beautiful l lips.
 "1ou will change your views by and by, old fellow, when that night-bell takes to pealing at all sorts of unreasonable hours, and you have to turn out of bed into rain, sleet, snow, or any other sort of weather that may chance to await you you will need something then to keep out the cold and frighten away the blues" laughed the handsome ,bright-faced young fellow, in an arch, ringing voice.
 My dear fellow, I abstain on scientific grounds, having due regard to all the laws of health and animal economy" re- joined the other, with smiling glance.
 "When you get as old as am, ;" chimed in the host, with sly chuckle, ''you will need little brandy-and-water to settle your dinner-digest it, you know!"
 My deal sir" replied the young man. his face settling into an expression of i'm perturbable gravity, ''your dinner con- sists chiefly of animal food, does it not ?" Beef and mutton, my boy; we'll, yes animal food I suppose you learned men term it.''
 Well, sir, when we wish to preserve specimen or any portion of animal growth, we fasten it up securely in a case of spir- it's; we do this to prevent it from decom- posing. Now decomposition is the first process of digestion; matter must decom- pose, or undergo separation of it's parti- cles, before it can be converted into brain, bone, and muscle, or afford nourishment for the juices which sustain the forces of the human body. Spirits, we have seen, hinder this process; so you see, sir, that your theory of taking brandy y-and- water as an aid to digestion has no reasonable foundation..to rest upon."
 ''Well, we'll" said the old gentleman, spontaneously, ''you have the best of it, I'll admit, for I have not learning enough to pay you back in your own coin. 1 suppose everybody knows that I came to this city a poor lad more than fifty years ago, so I was earning my bread and-cheese-bread without the cheese it was sometimes while other lads learnt their lessons. 1 am too old to change my habits now, but you have floored me con- pleteiy as far as the argument goes, you young rogue." he concluded, with mer ry twinkle in his eye.
 "Thank you, sir" returned the youth, with a sedate and courteous air, then glanced directly across at pair of bright eyes which had been watching him in- tently.
 They fell immediately, and the face was turned away with a sudden blush and oihilO, Uuo Hob uuIll GIlcy udu I0Fedlou 10 the opposite pair all that their eloquent glance had sought. This youth had rea- sons of his own for thinking that the owner of the eyes possessed a private feeling of sympathy with himself, and would be likely to view papa's harmless defeat with very small measure of dis appreciation.
 My only objection to teetotalers is that they are such fanatics" remarked a fair, blue-eyed maiden at the last speak CTS elbow
 ''I trust that may have opportunity to prove to so fair an antagonist that such an accusation is unfounded," replied the champion, with g smile.
 My difficulty is this,', said an elderly lady graYely: "teetotale1s, as rule, put their principles of total abstinence in the place of Christi"
 "I hope, madam, by the grace of God, to show by my future life that this charge, too, is without foundation" was the rev erently-spoken reply. But permit me to ask one question on the point of your ob- jection," the young man added. eff you