Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-12-13
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD ~ FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd. Curious and Laughshls Phases
Of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.

|
pocket is the one at the top.-Boston
Bulletin.
-"Jim's done made his mark In the
Legislator" "That sop "You bet;
signed for his salaryr'-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
why do you not stop begging and
try to get some work. Because do
not wish to give up sure thing for nm
uncertain one."-Paris Figaro.
ELLA (disdainfully)-The attentions
OF the gentlemen are SO tiresome. Bella
(demurely)-Thea attentions they pay to
other women ?-Boston Transcript.
Yes" said Mr.. Sourman, women
like money, and money is like women"
How Is that?" inquired his wife.
Money talks."-New York Press.
-Uncle-Is your little dog intelli-
gent? Small Nephew-Well, he hasn't
got so much sense in his head, but his
tail seems to know a lot.-Good News.
He very conceitedly)-I don't think
I should like to marry any girl unless
she was Of a self-sacrificing nature.
She-But wouldn't that prove it?-Life.
-Binks-There is a report that sau-
sage trust Is being formed. Jink,s-
Can't be true. Any trust in sausage
would be impossible.-New York
Weekly.
The Bachelor-I'm waiting for the in
teresting woman of 30 that the novelists
talk about. "Well, you won't find her.
All the women under 60 are not over
22."-Life.
-Mistress-"Goodne Bridget, to
whom are you writing in those i'm
mense lettersY" Bridget-"To me sis
ter, mum; she's deaf and dumb."-Har.
per's Bazaar.
-He-"De Freshe is laid up with ner.
yous prostration." She-"It must be
something else. Nothing on earth could
PROSTATE that fellows nerve."-Detroit
Free Press.
1t Is learned that there are 100000
piano players in the United States, and
they can elect any man President that
they may unite on This is TERRIBLE
Texas Siftings
You started out to keep diary,
believer" yes" "Going to keep it
up? "No; I've decided it's easier to
write an autobiography ahead than
live up to Truth.
-Briggs-"NIiss Cobble is great
lorsewoman, isn't sheT' GrigGs-"I
should say so. She was taken i'll the
other day and they sent for veterinary
surgeon."-New York Sun.
Her Father-"No, young man, my
daughter can never be yours Her
Adorer-"I beg pardon; l don't want
her to be my daughter, want her to
be my wife."-Harlem Life.
-"You cannot crush me-" he Kissed
to the girl who had just spurned him.
you just wait till get you out on the
street with my bicycle" she muttered
acknowledgement Tribune.
-"Strange about May She doesn't
get married because she doesn't know
how to say no." Indeed" "Yes, when
fellows ask her to sing for them she
always complies. detroit Tribune.
-Phyllis-Little brother told papa
that you kissed me over 100 times last
night. Alphonso-How did your little
brother know? "Why, it's the little
things that count, you know."-Yonkers
Statesman.
~ am told" remarked the young
woman who is fond of research, 'that
twins are usually very much attached
to each other" EYES," replied the mat
ter-of-fact man, "the Siamese twins
were" Washington Star.
George wonder why it's so easy
to get engaged to a girl in the summer
Jack-I just tell you what, George, af-
ter a girl sees herself in a summer
boarding-hou looking-glass she'll ac-
ceptmost anybody.-New York Weekly.
-Borax-"My wife makes a little
money go long ways these times"
Samjones-"So does mine, unfortunate
ly. She's always subscribing for mis-
sions in Africa and Polynesia
Truth.
-Paserby-"Say, Johnny, why are
you wasting your time here shooting
craps?" Messenger boy-"Wasting my
time? What's de matter wild yer? I'm
gettin' paid for every minute of 1t.
Got a message in me pocket"-New
York Herald.
-Mother-"Johnny, on your way
home from school stop at the store and
get me a stick of candy and a bar of
SOAP" Father-"What do you want of
stick of candyY Mother-"That's so
he'll remember the soap."-New York
Weekly.
~ always thought she was the
most commonplace Of girls "At any
rate she has just done a most romantic
thing" What, pray?" Married a
young man of her own age who Is
neither coachman nor a prince
Judge.
Suppose, Bobbie, that another boy
should strike your right cheek" asked
the Sunday-school teacher, ''what
would you dol" "Give him the other
cheek to strike" said Bobbie. That's
right" said the teacher. "Yessum,"
said Bobbie, land il he struck that I'd
paralyze him."-Harper's Bazaar.
"A young miss just struggling with
the piano was privileged to hear Sousa's
band not long since. She afterwards
wrote to a friend: "P. Sob, forgot.
/ heard Sousa Friday and 1t was fine.
wish could play The Washington