davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
The Ruling Passion Strong in Sleep

DR.. Jones' wife was awakened by a
noise in her room the other night and
when she sat up in bed she saw the doc
tor standing over the armchair in the
room. He had a towel tied around one
Of the legs of the chair and with a hand
saw he was cutting it in half. Mrs.
Jones exclaimed:
Henry, what in the name of CON-
mon sense are you doing?'
"H-s-s-h.' replied the doctor. you'll
wake the patient. You hold the chic
reform to his nose while | take his leg
off. I'm about half through the bone
now"
Then Mrs. Jones got out Of bed and
shook him and pinched him until he
woke. Then he exclaimed:
"How's the PATIENT"
Mrs. Jones merely said: "Come 10
bed. you idiot, and stop hacking up the
furniture
Gracious, Maria said the doctor, as
be collected his scattered senses. do
you know l thought | was in the hos
pital saving off a leg that had a com
pound fracture? There's a $50 fee
gone"
And Jones went to bed feeling as if
he was an injured man at having lost
that money--BoStOa Courier.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
FACULTY ASKED TO RESIGN.
Result Of fractional Troubles at the An

Result Of Fractional Troubles ut the Ames
Agricultural College.
AMEs. Ia. Aug. 1.-THE board Of
trustees Of the Iowa Agricultural col
lsge passed tho following resolution:
Whereas, The agricultural and dairy de-
partment Of this college is in a constant
quarrel over the tests carried on for the
benefit of the people Of our state, and
Whereas, Our college Is being materially
injured by these dissensions, therefore be
It
Resolved, That In the interest OF har-
mony we request the designations of Profs.
II. @. Wallace, c. E. Patrick, +. A. Leigh
ton and ID. A. Kent; that Prof. Curtis be
requested to at once sever his relations
with the Farm and Dairy, u journal de-
voted to agriculture and dairying.
The trustees are personally friendly
to the professors thus unexpectedly re-
moved, and the action only adds an
other chapter to this long list Of fac
tioAal troubles at the college.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Bishop Thirlwall, an English prs;ate.
was silent by nature and by habit. Hs
had the greatest possible aversion TO
answering questions aud was scarcely
ever betrayed into giving a defiait re-
ply. One day a tailor said to him when
he had been summoned to take the
bishops measurements: "What are
youv lordship's ordcrsp"
IL want a suit Of Clothes"
"Herc is a very nice cloth, my lord"
"Ah!"
"And this is likewise a very good
one"
Eyes"
"Here is another, Of excellent quad.
ity."
Very"
(which material will your lordship
decide upon?"
IL want n suit OF clothes!"
And that was all the answer the tailor
could get.
When the new gardener accosted him
rs he was walking. book in hand, ia
the garden, 10 ask: "How will your
lordship have this border laid outP"
there was no answer.
"How will your lorlship be pleased
TO have this border laid out?" was the
next attempt.
Still there vas no reply, but when
the question was repeated for the third
time the answer came.
you are the gardener, I believe, and
j am the bishop"
Yet the bishop could speak when il
became necessary on more weighty
matters. A clergyman had asked per-
mission to hold two livings which, he
argued, were the prescribed distance.
saying, conclusively: You see, my
lord, they are within three miles, as the
crow flies"
yes" he replied. "as the crow flies.
] see that plainly enough. But you
know you're not a crow and you can't
fly. BY the turnpike road it's a good
four miles and cannot permit you 10
hold two livings. - Youths Companion.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Colonel MISUNDERSTANDING about
sleight OF hand, the most mysterious
trick I ever saw was In u little town
down In Kentucky, The man wasn't q
professional, other, but just a brigh,
young fellow who has a genius for such
things. He took a glass of water and
held it up before US all, and then we
threw n big table cloth over him. In
two minutes he threw off the cloth
and there was the glass empty, yes, sir,
not a drop in 1t.
Friend-Perhaps he drank It.
Colonel Kaintuck-By Jove. Maybe
he did. Mover thought Of it.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
When the Liver Raprimands Us

For our neglect Of it by INJECTING upon us
sick headache, by dyeing the skin yellow,
coating the tongue with fur, producing
vertigo, pains in the right side and sour
ing the breath, we are little less than luna
tics If we disregard the chastisement. II
We call Hostetter's Stomach Bitters TO
our aid, tranquility ard health follow
speedily, and with the departure of the
symptoms mentioned, departs also irrcgu-
larity of the bowels, which invariably at
tends disorder OF the liver. In malariGl
complaints the liver is always in
volved. and it is u fortunate circumstance
that this fine anti-bilious medicine is also
the finest specific in existence for every
form OF malarial disease. Nor is it less
e~fficacious for dyspepsia, failure Of appetite
and strength, and a rheu'
matte tendency. Ii renews the ability &c
sleep, and greatly promotes convalescenct
after wasting diseases.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
Unappropriated Syllables.

In the early days Of the gold excite
ment in California q young German
from Michigan departed for California
and after prospecting for awhile settled
there.
His name was John G. A~lmondinger
and wishing to Americanize himself As
much as possible he applied to the legls.
lature of California and had his name
changed to John G. Almond.
A few days later a man named John
Smith applied to the same legislature,
and after reciting a long catalogue Of
the ills to which he was subject, owing
to his unfortunately common name, he
said in conclusion:
sand. whereas. / have noticed that
you have curtailed the name of j. G.
Almondinger to j. G. Almond and have
not disposed of the niger which seems
to be lying around loose. l respectfully
request that the same may be added to
my name"
The result OF this appeal il not stated.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
Perfumery Nuisance.

"Why doesn't some minister preach
. sermon on that subject. or some editor
write an editorial about it?" asked a
sandy-whiskered man. lie was on
trolley car No. 2S7, going north at tho
rate of eight miles an hour.
"What subject" asked n curious pas
senger, while four men, six women two
babies and a poodle dog opened their
ears in order to catch every word of thJ
answer.
what subject? Why. the odor I'M
this car. There's a stencil of bergamot.
altar of roses. Marie Stuart, and a dozen.
other brands of perfumery aboard Of
this here car, strong enough to drive o
windmill. The excessive use of per-
iumery is "A lesson necessary to teach 10
all wom-"
IF | was half as strong as the odor
you complain Of" interrupted an in
dignant woman, I'D kick you of the
Ear"
you're an old crank" said another.
The complainant slipped off the car
1t Virginia street and appeared TO be
we'll pleased. Courier.
The population of Italy is very dense.
there being 270 people to every square
mile of territory.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
TERRE HAUTE RACE RESULTS
Oakland Baron Breaks the Worlds Two

Year-Oid Trotting Record.
TERRE HAUrE, Ind, Aug. 1.-THE
weather Is cloudy and cool, conditions
good for fast track.
Oakland Baron was the favorite In the
$3.50 trot for 2-year-olds and woD tn,
frat heat easily In 2:2aA. In the SEQ.
ond heat Axtclloid raced him neck and
neck when he lowered the worlds re-
cord for 2.year-olds, winning in 2:l6&.
Turco won tho first heat of the 2:l2
pace In ?:12. Bullmont won the sec
ond heat In s:1s IA and the third hea,
In 2:i4.
Doc Speecy won FIRST heat Of the 81;
pace In 2:lOH.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Lady IA few years hence}-Mercy
What is wanted?
Policemsn-It's reported at the sta
ton that you've got a cold. Colds is
contagious, and the ambulance is here
TO rush you around to the cough pest
house. Step lively now.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Husband-And SO you made this
bread yourself? 1t is remarkable.
Young Wife-It's real good, isn't III
But IL was such q trouble. had e
watch IL constantly TO keep 1t from
burning.
Was that the only trouble?
OF course. i got the dough from the
Bakers.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
Sudden Death.

ALDEN, Ia, Aug. 1.-THE 10 year old
daughter Of Silas Williams of Hubbard
fell suddenly to the floor and expired
Instantly without evincing any signs OF
pain. A short time before she had an
attack of diphtheria, but medical aid
had been dispensed with aud for . week
before she u psared 70 DO In her usual
good health.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
KNOWLEDGE

Brings comfort and improvement ana
tends to personal enjoyment ryJken
rightly used. The many, wfs1t
ter than Others and enjoy life kokh
less expenditure, by AS~ptly
adapting the worlds best products to
the'needs of physical being, will attest
the value to health of the pure liquid
laxative principles embraced in the
remedy, Syrup Of Figs.
Its excellence is due to its presenting
in the form most acceptable and pleas
ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly
beneficial properties of aperfaot Lax.
alive efectually cleansing the system,
dispelling colds, headaches and feven
and permanently curing constipation.
1t has given satisfaction to millions and
met with the approval of the medical
profession, because it acts on the Kid
news, Liver and Bowels without weak
ening them and it is perfectly free from
every Objectionable substance.
Syrup of Figs il for sale by al. drug.
gists in Soc and 81 bottles, but |: y
ufactured by the California Fig Syrup
Co. only, whose name is printed on every
package, also the name, Syrup Of FigA
and being well informed, you viii NOT
accept any substitute if offered.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
Money I'm Winter wheat--1OO Bu.

That's the way. Farmers who sowed
Salser's new Worlds Fair wheat re-
port it yielded all the wa from 40 to
20 bush. per acre, and a good many are
SO enthusiastic over tais wheat, that
they claim 100 bush. can be grown per
acre. The monster winter rye yields 10
bush. per acre, which pays tremendous
profits. The John A. Salzer Seed Co.,
La Crosse, Wis, send their fall cata-
logue and samples of wheat and rye for
&c postage. =
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Historisn-Why have the Quskers so
nearly disappeared?
Observer-rhe girls married outsid-
ers who would buy them pretty BON
nets and the boys married girls who
wore pretty bonnets-
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

A Silver Greek woman who started
out to earn 81 for church purposes o a
tracted to shave her husband ten times
for the money. In relating her exps.
rience she said she was quite successful
In her undertaking. cutting only q few
gashes In his face. which she quilted
up without much difficulty. "--Ehniya
ldueyftser.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Luther's defiance OF the pope Is said
TO be the act Of personal heroism which
has most sensibly influenced the his
tory of the world.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
Meeting of Finance Committee.

,wAsHINoroN. Aug. l6.-A meeting OF
the senate committee on finance will be
held at $3.50 for the ostensible purpose
OF taking up the separate tariff bills.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Uncle George-Your dog isn't so
smart as Tommy's is he?
Little Johnny-Yes, he's just "a
smart, but isn't SO good q liar as
Tommy.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
cleveland Took No Action,

WARRINGTON. Aug. 16.-The presi.
dent, before leaving the city, took no
hction on the tariff bill beyond sending
IL over to the secretary Of the treasury
for report. as is customary with revenue
bslt.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Michigan, has performed experiments
which indicate that eggs may become
infected with microbes before they are
laid.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
WHERE THE CUTS ARE.
Csmpa rison with the Mckinley Law shsw.
ing the Reduction.

WASHINGTON. Aug. 1.-THE follow.
ing Is a statement OF the foreign aver
age ad valorcm rates of duty Of the Nc
KinIey law and the ennte bill. with
the percentage of reduction made by
the senate bill on the undermentioned
articles:
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

-Frankish women nave only one POM
ade. a grease proceeding from the skin OF
sheep and clinging 10 the wool. 1t has
a nauseous Odor, but is s~ingularly effica-
cious in giving smoothness to the skin.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Her H~usband--I don't see your hus-
band with you so much as when you
were in your honeymoon, said the
clergyman. as he met an occasional at
t-ndant ct his church. Has he grown
cool?
Not IL what you preach be true, she
said, coyly. He is dead.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

A species of water lily with roots as
large as q mans leg grows In tho Cas-
ado range. These roots tho Indian
cook and eat
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

lie very rich)-Would you rather
marry a poor man and be happy, OF a
rich one and be miserable?
She-Mr. Rocks, am l to consider
that O proposal?
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

She-But how can you think I'm
pretty when rose turns up so? He
Well, all have to say Is thai il shows
mighty poor taste in backing away
from such q lovely mouth.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

-Palestrina opened a new era for church
music. The church music of his age had
become so trivial that the reigning pontif
was about to order that nothing be suns
in the churches but the Gregorian tones.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

-Voltaire, when he began the study of
English and found that ''ague' was pro
nounced as two syllables and plague" a.
one, said that he wished that half the En-
Rlish had the one and the other half the
other.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Purchaser-You said this horse was
afraid Of nothing. DE just SHE'D at a
oma on a bicycle.
Dealer-oh. well, perhaps she had
on a divided skirt
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Greek paintings were xcc ted In
distsmper. with glue, milk or white Of
sggs. and on wood, clay, plaster. stone.
p0yehmsut and canvaa.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Until the time of Charles XII of
Sweden the artillery was not considered a
part of the army. The men serving it
were not soldiers, but regarded as mechan-
ics. The officers had no army rank.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
Hali's Catarrh Cure
|, o~onstitutsonai eurA Price 70 osatA

Dentist-What! You don't want gasl
You insisted upon having gas the last
time.
Victim you haveu't been eating
onions this time.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

John Byrnes, of Boston claims to be the
oldest street car driver in the world. He
has been at IL forty years, and has travelled
a distance equal to twenty-five times
around the world.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

First Pig-What did you say I vast
second Pig-Shakspeare never re.
peats.
First Pig-But you're not Shaks-
pssrc.
eaooud Pig-Same thing; Tn bacon.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Russia's match industry II pro-
crossing rapidly. In 1901 there were
Ell factories. producing iA4.7so.o 900
matches.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Animal magnetism is no new discov-
cry, but was practiced by Father He'll at
Vienna about, 1774 and had wonderful sue
cess for q while in France and England in
l76S and 17S9.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
She-You say you love me?

She-You say you love me?
He-With my whole sou.
And are anxious only for my happi-
ness?
No words could be truer.
Then don't you think you ought to
stop calling so often. and give some
man with income enough 70 live on a
chance to see me alone once in a while?
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

No more potent charm can be found at
Beauty's Shrine than an exquisitely lovely
complexion such as universally follows the
use Of Gienn's sulphur Soap.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

India has q, 10000 0 acres in rice, 49,
600, 900 in wheat, 100000 in other food
grains, 1900 0 in sugar zane, 250, 900 In
300,0 600 In tobacco.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Vvnu a n I2-year-old son or N
s. Wade. of Wentzville, No.. is a lad o
promising growth. He is o feet z inche
in height aud already weighs "a
bounds
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
lives His

lives HIS
Lovejoy,l
}, Rock
a the
commits
Testified
to tell
was dis
refused
ed, had
out of
!. r. u
! his
anne to-
4. X. u.
road at
rievanco
officers
,ovejoy's
fused to-
general
Commits
he strike
ugh that
olive tho
I be bet
than by
y would
ted and
5 now.
X. ".
He was
certain
on the
esired to
,nerated
circurn-
journed
CLAIMS
ubmitted
,iderable
French
o. stores
on forces
al To the
obtained
submit
sentative
the COM
igo there
"A bill to
Iment of
advanced
, enacted
that the
J" and for
annually
shed by
ed upon
ion bill;
appropri-
90, !. O.,
class and
30 as to
irnulated
,priation
congress,
on sh all
The sums
G paid on
hich tho
lent from
ID, which
800 cases.
zen tried
'und due
706 more
%.
in the
letter Is
" claims
,3,092,s20
G highest
on tho
nally dis
ereon for
Sl,304,-
alance Of
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

lew Days

ew Days
he presi-
shington
X at Buzz
Y York at
S the trip
Jan in the
of ma
suffering
the at
10 it was
the presi-
no doubt
cooperate
'enew his
return to
of next
Y Gables.
recovered
CHI caused
the light
esapeake
nry and
'if situa-
waited his
after was
house in
elaxation
air n>c-
O.
y of War
ved here
to Buzz
for New
ciny de-
was Sc.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

'eckham,
company
'nds, and
70 Atchi-
cared be-
ming and
pointing
of the
, vacancy
ignation,
Q accord.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

YOu can save money by Wcurfnt tho
w. L.. Douglas $500 Shoe.
= because. wc are the largest manufacturers OF
this grade OF shoes In tho world, AID guarantee theif
value by stamping the name and price on tho
bottom, which protect you against high prices and
the middieman's profits. Our shoes equal custom
work In style. easy fitting and wearing qualities.
We have them sold everywhere at flower pricesf Tor
the value given than any other make. Take no sub
stifutc. II your dealer cannot supply you. we can.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
TONER'S



The Ha-
caine to
t the city
'sumably
rs known
Ing their
0 govern
with Sec
= of con-
The presi-
new Q
the com
recogpi
re futile.
lon.
10 house
lcgedar-
ry today
the Car
SO glad
led your
with the
missed
IA OF bad
cent left.
'self you
u such q
sould be-
le money
III easy, Z
. disap-
mr. fha
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25

Sioux Cry PnNrNs Co. No. $3.50
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-08-25
Management.

THE END.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1894-05-10

IT is no credit to the present admin
istration that the Investigators. three
officials of the ordinance department., are
being entertained AT Mr.. Carnegies club
in Pittsburg, the swell Duquesne Club;
nor is it creditable fact that
the investigation. despite the pro-
tests of the informers who make
the charges, is being held in an Office in
the heart of the Carnegie works, to
which admission can be obtained only
by pass signed by Superintendent
Schwab of the Carnegie Com
pany, whose alleged resignation
followed the exposure Of previous
armor plate frauds. Every man who
wishes to appear before the commission
must pass under the eye Of the Carne-
gle guards and detectives and Carnengie
officials who are present constantly dur
ing the hearing.
Under circumstances like these the
investigation" becomes farce and the
report will be whitewash.
But this is reform" administration
and one expects hypocrisy and fraud
when holier-than-thou admin stration
control.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1894-05-10

changes and the COMMITTEES on re-
vision" sent instead for whoms
For . free trade theorist, an amateur. a
Polish jew whose career in this country
since his advent here thirty odd years
ago has been one of failure rather than
success. At one time cigarmaker he
entered the dry goods business in '65 10
fail after brief career, paying 25 cents
on the dollar in time notes. A few
years later having formed another
firm In the same line, failure
again resulted after another brief
period. A third time while managing
business for himself he failed in 1878,
and fourth time in 1880. while his fifth
venture ended disastrously in 1885 by
the appointment of a receiver and later
by dissolution.
Then he next appears as consul ap-
pointed by Cleveland in small town in
the pottery district of England, from
which he emerged during the campaign
of 1892 as free trade exponent, eager
to teach the country how to run its
business.
1t is not known whether he is even an
American citizen, and yet on his ipse
dixit the whole woolep schedule was
turned upside down and new schedule
created that aims one of the most dam
aging blows at this big American
industry ever levelled.
This is the man whose advice has been
followed in preference to the advice
by men born in the business
and brought up with full knowledge
of what is needed for the successful
conduct of SO vast an industry.
This is the "honest revision of the
;ariff that the Democracy offers to the
thousands of American workingmen.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1894-05-10

that before awarding the franchise TO
!. any private corporation the city should
protect itself by insisting upon a hand
some annual rental, not only for the use
OF the streets, but for the use OF the
gas itself. This granting twenty-year
franchises without suitable recompense
is obsolete. In this up-to-dale last
guag-in-the-ladder of the century valu-
able franchises must be paid for and
fur her the city should insist upon the
sewer gas being up to grade in density,
odor, and other inherent qualities.
The only true test would be the pole
ariscope test and unless tho gas would
give at leasta grade above the No. 10
Dutch standard, the company should be
compelled to take j. back.
A resolution to this effect, will, it is
understood, be introduced. into the
Common Council after the question of
employing only graduates of Harvard
and Yale on the electrics has been dis
posed of by that body.
When once the houses Of Rhode
Island are piped for sewer gas, the
advent of spring will no
longer disturb the soul. Instead
OF taking Blanks Sarsaparilla for that
tired feeling, little extra pressure on |
the gas tank, longer draught than
usual at the fountain OF life and the en-
ire city is rejuvenated and refreshed.