Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-08-17
HERE AND e

good deal Of bluff about Mr.. David B.
Hill.
Speaking of damphools reminds me
that Governor Waite is out with another
manifesto.
Mr.. Havemeyer having touched the
button, I hope, sincerely, that congress
will take a rest.
Classically speaking, tomorrow is the
day upon which Assassin Santo Casario
will get it in the neck.
Liquid asininity continues to drip with
a gently gurgling murmur through the
heavily whiskered lips of Nj. PETER OF
Kansas.
The st. Paul Globe says mistakes are
crimes. I think, according to this, that
life imprisonment would about fit the
present congress. "
Notwithstanding the verbose disin-
clination of Messrs. Corbett, Jackson
and Fitzsimmons, they are still boxing
matches down at Oshkosh.
The Langdon Courier Democrat says
Mrs. Eisenhuth is the Daisy Bell of
North Dakota democracy. I might add
that her office is just like Daisy Bells
bicycle-it's built for two.
Having learned that at a death rate OF
1000 an hour, the populace of China can
all be killed off in 1900 years, the en-
peror of Japan has spat plentifully into
the palms of his hands and is preparing
to wade in.
I miss the picture gallery in the Grand
! Forks Plaindealer. Senator Kinter's
p~hysiognomy WAS becoming almost as
familiar as that of Nj. So Douglas, but
just at this critical period the Plaindeal-
or has turned off the gas.
An account of the death of an Iowa
boy narrates the curious fact Of his
death having ensued from the comsump-
ton of a quart of ice cream and a whole
watermelon at a single setting. The re-
port does not say whether he feaeted
with suicidal intent or not. Probably
not. But the result was the same.
who is that portly looking gentleman
with the red tie?" I asked, this morn
ing, of one of the nice looking men who
draw large salaries from Mr.. Pullman
for waking travellers up ten minutes too
late 70 make their stations. II do not
know" responded be, but we all give
him a wide BERTH" and he laughed so
hard he raised the rents at Pullman 1914
i per cent.
The North Dakota Independent slept
with its head on a stick of giant powder
again last week, and emjts streams of
lava and sulphur at regular intervals
! again this week. I am sorry to see this.
The antics Of the Independent would
command a good salary from either
Hagenbeck or Kohl & Middleton, and I
regret to see it do it's act without a suit
able remuneration.
I saw a large, striped watermelon as
sisting a small boy along the street last
night, until it finally turned a corner
and disappeared. An hour or 80 later I
saw a doctor pass hurriedly along the
same route, and disappear in the direc-
ton taken by the watermelon. I have
been looking this morning to see if the
undertaker's wagon went that way, but
so far it has failed to do so.
The distinction which was enjoyed by
Comanche for a number Of years of being
the only living thing which escaped in
the Custer massacre, has, I see, been
misplaced. A gentleman named Brown,
who resides somewhere in Indiana, is
O. with an account of how he partici-
pated in the massacre and escaped. Mr.
Brown, as nearly as I can discern from
his statement, had a very thrilling es-
cape. He got into the guard house just
prior to the marcn of the Custer expedi-
ton, and before he got out the command
had gone. Had he kept out of the bas-
| tile, he would have been with the com.
mand, and his scalp would have dangled
at the belt of some Sioux chieftain. It
was a hairbreadth escape, and Mr..
Browns hair has turned gray from pom.
dering over it.
Governor Altgeld, the unkempt an
archist who disgraces the executive
Office Of n of the fairest states in the
union, having written a letter of com.
mendation to the state militia for their
services during the recent riots, I am
curious to see what it is like. I can i'm.
agi ne the governor debating it, over a
glass Of lager and a pretzel, and wonder.
ing to what extent it will set him right
with the people. Like Debs, the Cover.
nor is beginning to realize that the
sympathy Of the nation does not 20 out