The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1894-10-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

h6-I1eT DedIL Is IL HdTu a. pidoS.
can't make any impression on it. She
Have you tried a diamond?-hNtt
Fields Washington.
A reason to distrust the man who
talks in fatherly tone TO girls is that
it is a tone fathers never adopt to then
children.-AtchtsOH Globe.
Said an Irishman the other day to a
friend: "Arrah, where will you find a
modern building that has lasted as long
as the ould vans? "-LOnd0n IU-BtS.
Ada-rve been wondering all day
why you weren't invited to the Big
CLOVIS. Kitty (sweetly)-And I've
been wondering why you were.-Lye.
Cynic-Women are fools. Binnick-
Well, if there is anything in heredity
an acquaintance with some of their sons
would lead us to think so.-I0SCn Top
les.
Daughter-Papa went off in great
good humor this morning. Mother
My goodness. that reminds me. for
got to ask him for any money.-N I.
Weekly.
"Brevity may be the soul of wit, "
lIittlCAti L CLlOl- cttNlIN SClltAIIlS IAo
pockets in vain for the price of beer,
but I'll be blamed if l can see any fun
in being short. "-Bufal0 Courier.
Gradd-I hear you have full-blood-
ed Indian in class 90. How does he
do? Softmore enthusiastically DO?
He's out of sight! You just ought to
hear him give the class cry.-Puck.
Friend-What did he say to you when
he proposed? Miss Rox-He said life
without me meant nothing, Friend
He was sincere in that. That's just
what his possessions amount to.-Ha'-
lem Life.
"Yoh's gotter git right down an hus-
tie fur raj success" said Uncle Eben.
"Er young mans boun' ter Spite is silk
hat eff he tries ter w'ah it while he's
putin on de wreath OBJ laurel. - Wash
ingtOn Star.
She (doubtfully)-Have you really
told me of all the sins You ever commit
ted? He (stoutly)-Yes, all. She
| (sorrowfully)-Then l am not worthy
of you. Farewell for-for-forever.-
". Y. Weekly.
Mrs. Slabs-I see it says here that in
sanity in every country is more preva-
lent among unmarried men than mar
ried persons. Mr.. Statistics, that
proves that marriage brings people to
their senses.-HdttO.
Her Adorer- May l marry your
| daughter, sir? Her Father-What do
you want to marry for? You don't
know when you're well off Her Ador-
er-No. perhaps not. But l know when
you're well off.-TU-
Tommy Cat the beach -What are
the wild waves saying, mamma? Nam
MAIN sure | don't know. Tommy
Well | do. They are saying they
wisht little Tommy Jinks would come
in swimming.-B0st0n Courier.
who are these Orleanists who are al
ways kicking up such a fuss in France?'
asked Hostetter McGinnis of KosciuskO
jones. 81 suppose ther are descended
from the children of the Maid of Or
leans, replied Jones.-Ieras SytiRgS.
Country aunt-How did you like the
fairy story | sent you, Ethe.? City
child-Oh, the style is good enough. but
the ending is so old-fashioned. People
don't get married and live happy evel
after in stories nowadays. Indianapolis
| journal.
Teachcr-Why was Solomon the
wisest man in the world? Boyle
had so many wives to advise him
Teacher Ga strong-minded female)-
Well, that is not the answer in the
book, bnt you may 90 up TO the head
.-GO0d Ncya
Editor-What makes YOU think yor
would make good literary man? APP
| plicant-Because | can crowd more int,
little space than any man in New
| York. Editor-What was your forne
profession? Applicant-Conductor OIL
a cable car.-EG.
| Taper should like two weeks alb
sence to attend the wedding of yer,
dear friend. Mr.. Gingham-It mus
be a very dear friend, indeed, to max,
YOU want that much time. Who is it
Taper-Well, sir, after the ceremon,
she will be my fe.-IOg2te.
Young Doctor-Here I've had m,
| shingle out for two weeks. and rot
case yet. I've been sitting here Tx,
| patience on monument. Friend
| Never mind; You will eventually get I;
| chance to put the monuments on tn,
patients. -PHiIadelphia Hecord.
Auntie-"How very industrious vol
are. l love to see little boys studying
at home" Little Johnny-"Ye s'm,
always learns all my lessons at home.
That's exactly what all children should
| do" ''9es'm. 1t gives us more time
| 70 hn,-o f,,, Of nhaAl Good
| He-You are the only woman | have
ever loved. She-Do you expect me tC
believe that? He-I do. | swear it i:
true. She-Then / believe you. Any
man who would expect a woman to be-
| lieve that cannot have been much in the
company of women.-HarperS Bazar.
Grandpa, 1 don't want to 90 te
heaven" You don't want to 90 tc
heaven! Why not?" Il should be SC
lonesome there" why would you be
lonely there. my son? Grandpa, i;
will be very lonesome with only God
and George Washington there. "-Jadge
Hungry Higgins-I wisht I'd of had
sense enough to 90 to the mouHtai, a
last spring. Weary Watkins like
to know wot fer? Hungry Higgins
Cause. if we was up in the mountains
and had any walkin' to do we could 20
down hill all the time.-I'ldiaaapotis
JOu1nai.
Police justice-"Look here, your face
is familiar. Haven't YOU been in this
| court before?" Prisoner-"PicaSe, your
honor, you met me out at Dugan's the
night they had the dog fight there.
See?' "Oh, yes. You handled the dog
that lost $50 on. Six month";. Next
indianapolis J0urHai.
Five-year-old Fiossie had been bat
Ting with her mother ali day. There
child" said the latter on putting the
child to bed, sleep well, and don't be
so cross when you wake up" Il no.
tice," retorted little Fiossie, when its
me you say cross; when its you you
say nervous. '"-PcarS0H'S Weekly.