Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-02-05
JUST FOR FUN.

a retort.
The girl of the period says she OBJ
jects to fattery, but she fixes to have
her sleeves puffed.
If you are going to do a good thing,
do it now; if you are going to do a
mean thing, wait-don't do it.
1t was the first time Johnny had ever
heard a guinea hen. go ma" he
shouted, scome and hear this chicken
a. winding itself up.''
What DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup has done for
others for nearly two generations it will do
for you. If you will try it once you will be
convinced that it is the best family medicine,
and you Will never be without it.
Tramp Say yer dog bit me. What
" goin' to do about it? Waggles -
Dear me, he must be starving Why,
I'll feed him at once.
Teacher in kindergarten = You've
omitted something, Mabel, in MAX
ing your letter 'i's'. What is it? ct
guess I forgot to put eyebrows over
'em.''
Two children we're looking at ~
rian of LAGOON and the serpents. 90
ma" exclaimed one, sscome here and
see the firenen all tangled up in the
hose!"
ooh dear?" said am old man who
was fishing for dinner, and lost a
large pickerel from his hook, Chow
desp'ret bad it makes you feel to lose
what you never hadn'
"Do you have many conversions
here?" asked a traveller Of a guide
who was showing him around a great
cathedral. "Conversionsr' said the
man: "this is not Wesleyan chapel!'
Deans Rheumatic Pills absolutely cure
Rheumatism & Neuralgia. Entirely vegeta-
BILE. Safe.
First Little Boy-Do you go to the
country every year? Second Little
Boy-N-o; sometimes papa don't pay
the DOCTORS bill, and then the doctor
gifts mad an won't order mamma out
of tn city.
There was smile at recent church
the Bishop Of Chester, without intend
ing any jocular suggestion, spoke of
introducing ga new spirit'' into the Ii
quor trade.
your establishment some months ago
to teach him the business, I under
stand. How did it turn out? Bust
ness Man (wearily)- Great success.
He's teaching me now.
First Lady (off for a journey Il
hope we've got the right train. Second
LADY, asked seventeen trainmen
and ninety three passengers if this
train went to Blankville and they all
said yes, SO guess we're all right.
Coughing Leads to Consumption.
Kemp's Balsam will stop the cough at once
"Why, Bridget" exclaimed the
housewife, II can write my name in
the dust here!" "'Deed, ma'am!" re-
piled Bridget, admiringly. "Thot's
more nor / can do. There's nothin'
Aoike education after all, is there,
ma'am?"
A fly had fallen into the ink well of
a certain author who writes very bad
and very inky hand. The writer's lit
tie boy rescued the unhappy insect,
and dropped him on a piece of paper
After watching him intently for
while, he called to his mother, "Here's
a fly, mamma, that writes just like
papa"
Mrs S-Your husband is well, 1
presume. Mrs. Ono, he's not. He's
been took pretty bad all of sudden
with bronchitis, catarrh, nervous de-
bility, spasmodic witches, erysipelas,
heart failure, and several complaints.
Pm going for the doctor. How did he
get SO many diseases at once? Out of
a medical almanac he was reading.
An old woman walked into a bank
the other day in Inverness, threw
down her deposit book, and said she
wished to draw all her money. Hav-
got it, she retired to corner Of the
room land counted it. She then march
ed up to the teller, and exclaimed:
GAY, that'll doe, ma man: jist pit it
back again. I only wanted to see if it
was a richt.''
When Baby sick, we gave her Castoria.