The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1894-07-11

''PIZEN-TwENTY-THREE DOsEsp,
the professor. AS he entered the door he
fired with the gun In his right hand and
smashed a lamp chimney, while bullet
| from the gun In his left shattered the stop
per Of decanter behind the bar. Then he
walked up to the bar and yelled:
| "Pizen-28 doses''
Then he turned his back to the bar and
his face to the 23 men in the place and
yelled:
Come up, you critsersp'
While we were imbibing the cowboy
gave an exhibition Of his skill with the re-
volver by plugging" various articles scat
tered around the room and finished by
snuffing lighted cigar held in the teeth of
the barkeeper. The professor was delight
ed. 1t Is his opinion that the cowboy is q
relic Of the stone age and he has hopes of
finding a complete skeleton in some of the
gravel beds Of Arizona. From the most
reliable data at hand 1t is believed that the
ancient cowboy was II feet h gh and car
ried four guns, and that he could stand
up to q bar and drink from six to eight
glasses of pizen without affecting him In
the slightest. Professor Markham is salts
fed however, that the modern two gun
specimen Is an improvement in many re-
spects, and he will so report.
It fortunately happened while we were
escorting the professor around town that
old Bill Schemerhorn happened to 70
member that he was owing us one. He
took three or four drinks, mounted his ca
yuse and rode out to the old fort. From
thence he sent word to us that we were .
coyote, reptile and a critter, and that he
proposed to die with his boots on. We
have always had curiosity to know Just
what epoch old Bill belonged to, and hav-
Ing aroused the curiosity Of the professor
we borrowed a mule for him, and the pair
Of US set oIit for the scene of action. On
the way out to the fort our visitor discov-
cred several evidences Of the glacial period
and little later discovered old Bill him
self. He was riding around in circle,
bare headed and hair flying, and while yet
half a mile away he could be heard yell
ing:
''Whe-oopl ar ole Bill Schemerhorn,
the father-in-law of tornadoes and the only
brother of the blizzard which friz 400 In
juns as stiff rs crowbarsl When lie down
at night, piller my head on a grizzly bar
with teeth a foot long! When walk about
by day, use the claws Of q mountain lion
fur shirt buttonsl Whe-oopi ar a mix
ture of cold pizen, chain ightnin, red
thundcrbolts and heavin airthquakesl l
look at reptile, and he is paralyzedl
breathe on a critter and he drops deadP'
To say that Professor Markham was de-
lighted Is drawing it mild. He rubbed his
hands and chucklcd and declared that old
Bill was the missing link between the
rhinoceros and the alligator. He wanted
to go up and rub his fur and examine his
joints, but we advised him to hold on I'M
til we had finished. Old Bill has broken
loose several times, and we know just how
to manage him. While he was cavortlng
around and defying us we gathered up our
cayuse and rushed him. He got in two
wild shots before our outfit struck his and
rolled him and his beast over and over in
the sand We had him tied hand and foot
before he recovered consciousness.
When the professor came to examine his
Uranium, he announced that old Bill was