Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-08-05
THE IDLER'S WAITER.
He AND HIS co-pRoFEssIoNALIsTs
HOLD A PUBLIC DEBATE.
white Duck Trousers ut the Biue Ridge
Richmond Girls In the Lead-othsf
Mental RambIings.
BLUE RIDGE SPRINGS.

BLUE RIDGE SPRINGS.
August I. 1894
Dear Editor: There n everything here
10 make me frivolous. and yet I know not
why I am 80 sad unless IL be that we
have the sternest. most dignifsd waiter
imaginable to serve us at the table. some-
times at the approach OF the ice-cream'
when my spirits mount way up IN "
major. 1 start to smile. but looking UP
I see his Napoieonic face and am silent.
I would not for worlds lose that walters
respect. Without his esteem me wou'u
be blank. IN my heart know he looks
down upon me, and yet, like the oid
NEUROLOGICAL rooster rolling the stone
upon the hill, I have struggled and strus-
gIed TO win q permanent restins-place IN
his regard. Our gsrcon. besides being
bu-nt-sienna sphynx and nineteenth
century Napoleon. Is nterateur' anu
his literary researches have produceu
wonderful results. He did not tell me ne
was uterary-oh, no, he would not delgh
TO tell me anythlng-but have discover
ed the fact. .
Recently our walters had a pubic oe-
bate In the ten-pin alley. ana the supJecs
which developed the disputatousness OF
the Afro-American luminaries was, ne
solved that strikes are detrimental to the
welfare of the laboring classes
The man who checks all OF my frivonty
WAS master OF ceremonies, and ne COM
menced the Purifying seance by saying:
Ladies' and Gentlemen.-As Is usually
the custom on such occasions, we VIII
begin our proceedings with a mere
I sanctimoniously bowed my head In expec-
tation Of a prayer)--"soio sung Dy three
gentlemen" The novelty OF hearing q
sclo sung by three gentlemen was SO great
that the feet of the audience burst into
n tumultuous storm of applause, which
far surpassed the theatrical thunder pro.
duced by the rolling of ten-pin Dali
on a stage floor. With a patron'zing,
pitying smile our waiter-iny waiter, let
me say--magnanimousiy acknowledged the
compliment and then the three gentlemen
sang the solo. The orators or the eve
ming were the head-waiter and a preacher
on one side, and our cook and schooi-
teacher on the other side. NOBODY ever
krew exactly what the head waiter was
driving atm fact, he didn't krow MN
self-but his arguments were the rhcsl
ever produced, and his adversaries
of them. There was no way ot
getting a grip on them for they were NOT
there II has been stated, however, that
nc endorsed Governor O'Ferralrs Admin
istration in unqualified terms, and since
then his Excelency has felt that HE is
truly worth living shall not attempt TO
quote the speeches of the preacher ana
teacher beyond referring you 10 'Webster
Dictionary (pages to 1000 inciusive)'
though 1t behOOves me 10 laud our COOK.
TO use that kitchen metaphor so often
anplIed 10 ,ratory. "words flowed from his
mouth sweeter than honey" and his Ian
gliage was rs choice as the products or
his profession. Everybody knew that 1t
was the part OF diplomacy to applaud the
cook and when he told them that thelr
appreciation meant good breakfast on
the following day, the house fairly went
wild over his eloquence. When II came TO
deciding who were the winners or the
debate there was but one opinion-that
the chefs side had swept everything be-
fore them. Next week posterity VIII be
Informed whether Columbus or Washing
ton was the greater man, for this VIII
be the subject of the coming debate.
Historians are requested to suspend Judg-
ment until the verdict Is made public.
Editor dear. feel that have made the
mistake of my life in not bringing my
white duck trousers up here with me.
Everybody wears them-oh! no, l don't
mean that; mean that all the young men
wear them-that is. white duck trousers.
They lock so cool and pretty Uhat IS,
when the young men have ,hem on).
though the youth Of the place exhibit
an exceeding difIidc-~r about sitting
down on the grass - them-that Is
TO say, with them on. OF course n youth
or ANYBODY else wouldn't care TO sit down
on the lawn with nothing but n pair OF
white duck trousers for a companion.
clothes count for n great deal up here.
anyhow. In my case they make the man.
and II bathing-suits were required l Inn
afraif / would be shown up IN my true
light" which. by the way, Is exceedingly
light 1t doesn't make so mucn difference
about your linen. provided you don't wear
a pink shirt. That Is never forgiven.
II is easier for a coal-cinder to enter the
eye of a traveller than for n man In 4
crushed strawberry shirt to win my love.
For the sake OF my lady friends In Rich
mond ] would fain describe the costumes
OF the ladies' here, but to tell the truth.
they don't dress much. or rather they
wear plenty, but there IS not much
variety in it. Masculine symptoms
are everywhere apparent in
their get-up, and / am in
deadly fear that some OF them will bor-
row my cravats from me. The ladies here
don't do blessed thing but sew and ask
each other have they read ships That
Pass In the Night" Most of their needle
work consists Of embroidery, and some
OF their productions in the way Of flowers
are marvellous. | believe that If a botanist
saw their violets and roses he would
have TO be placed in private sanitarium
for safe keeping-certainly he would In
no way be reprehensible IL he went crazy.
The cutest things that our fair friends
make in the way of embroidery are their
autograph tides, which, though abso-
lutely useless, except for junk, are plea
SAINT reminders of the people whose cos
tunes they criticised at the springs. II
YOU have an enemy (and IL you are q
woman you coax your friend TO sign his
or her name on your tidy. and then you
ernbroider the signature in a way which
would certainly cause n clerk TO lose his
Job If his boss saw It. i have been trying
to get some of my sweet companions to
embroider the name of a rich old banker
10 a blank check which l have with me.
Everybody is pleased with the idea except
the rich old banker.
The bridge which leads from the rail-
road track to the hotel, ana which nave
mentioned before. is the Rialto of this
resort If you want to hear the gossip OF
the day and know who is spooning your
girl when you aren't looking, that is the
place to go TO get the news. Everybody
knows everybody else's business on the
Rialto, and at train-timc when the new
arrivals have 10 run the gauntlet, II Is
positively fascinating to see the express
sion on their faces. But after all II
doesn't take the new folks long TO become
acquainted and the first thing they lelrn
Is to torture their fellow-beings just as
they themselves were tortured. Down on
the lawn below we have beautiful little
deer. which Is named "Lonne." He Is
as nice a young buck as have ever seen.
though inst at present he Is shedding his
horns. and Is consequently little bit
liable to resent any attempts at familiarity.
A gentiem man who interviewed "Lonnie'
q few days ago found II expedient TO pur-
cl ase a new pair OF pants. shortly AFTER
the interview was over.
The season here Is now practically at
its height, and when l tell you that we
are 300 feet above the sea-level, you viii