Iuka reporter. (Iuka, Miss.) 1888-1894, 1894-04-05

HE-Why do you regard marriage
as a failure? She-So many make
use of it to get money belonging to
Others. New York Herald.
MY son, observe the postage stamp
its usefulness depends upon its
ability to stick to one thing till it
gets there. -Elmira Gazette.
MANY men this motto have,
Much to their creditors sorrow;
Meier pay to-day that which can be
Put off until to- morrow.
Buffalo Courier
$50 SHE'S really going to be mar
ried?" Eyes. Il suppose she thinks
of nothing but the future" swell,
she only talks of the presents.
THE man with an only SONY
what kind Of scholars do you turn
out at this institution" Principal
Those who do not study. "-Sift-
ipgs.
UNCLE-Well, Robbie, how did you
stand at school last term? Robbie
Sometimes with my face in the corner
and sometimes up at the teachers
desk.
"MY SON." said an irate father, "do
you know why l am about to whip
you?" Il suppose because you're the
biggest" said Tommy.-Music and
Drama
PROF. SUCCI What will
you pay me to undertake forty-day
fast at your museum. Manager
Well, I'll pay your board while you
fast. Puck.
AN MATE.-He-But you
didn't think my Grafton was sophie
did you? She-No. On the
contrary, | thought it was rather
fresh. Brooklyn Life.
HE-Do you think l could get a
pass on your fathers road? She
No; they don't pass anything but
dividends on his road. I've heard
him say so. -Philadelphia Press.
Miss SwEETLY-I always feel per-
fectly stupid when photographer
tells me to look pleasant. Miss
Tartly-How nice it must be to know
you'll get perfect picture, dear.
STILLINGFLEET-"H could you
conscientiously tell Miss Elder that
she is the only woman you ever
loved?" Tillinghast-"It is a fact
The Others were all young girls. p
Vogue.
THE WIFE-Yes, at first, my dear,
the doctor thought that your recent
sick spell had affected your brain.
The Husband-He still thinks SO, it
seems, from the bill he sent in
yesterday.
Miss SwIFTLY-"I guess Edwin is
being congratulated. Do you see all
the men rush up to him, now it is
known we are engaged?" Miss Sew
erly-"Perhaps they are comparing
notes. Puck
The really wise man is the fellow
who knows what will be unpopular
before the great, fat-footed public
jumps on it. 1t may also be re-
marked, parenthetically, that he is
mighty scarce.
AT THE THEATER will = Say.
Jack, how much did you pay for these
seats? Jack-Six dollars and half.
Will-Well. next time let's save our
money and go toa milliner's opening.
Boston Beacon.
PAT Ito parrot, who has finished
whistling God Save the Queen")-
"Begorra! it's dom good thing yez
hov Crane athers an yez. If yez was
a canary Ord twisht yer neck fer
yez Brooklyn Life
TEACHER find only one mistake
in your exercise. You have parsed
monograph as a noun of feminine
gender. Why did you do that?
"Cause | thought it was one OF the
machines that repeats everything you
say
slow HAS young Fosdick succeeded
out West in the crockery business?"
"Splendidly! Amassed a large for
tune in three years" Miraculous"
Not at all. You see, he secured a
contract to supply dishes in an in
sane asylum. Puck.
PRESIDENT of the Kitenyers' Ma
tional Bank-"What's this item in
our statement of assets-$95, 900. PIP"
Cashier-3Yes, sir. / thought those
odd cents would look mighty well.
Well, they would look
better if the item wasn't gold coin
on hand. Life.
@ieorge, wish you be-
longed to my church. The new min
lister is man you would like" Hus-
band Notsuch a bigoted Methodist
as the other, then, is he?" Wife
"No; he's very broad. He believes
that Episcopalians, if they repent,
can be saved. Puck,