Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1894-08-09
PIES.
A Legendary Tale Of a
Bit of Pastry.
A Baker Privileged to
Spread Dyspepsia
And Empowered to Protect the
Reputation of His Pies.
The Calamity Which Befeil One Who
Was Engaged In an Analysis
of the Pastry.

Written for The REPUBLICAN.
In the days of Revorg the Fat, an
obese king who ruled over the land of
the S. o.. there were connections and
strikes and troubles and the people
were sorely afflicted.
Now, among the provinces ruled over
by Revorg the Fat was the province OF
Anozira and its capital city was Xineohp
and the people thereof were an indus
triols people, but much given over to
gullibility.
And it came to pass in those days
that among the people of Xineohp, the
capital city, there dwelt certain astute
baker who found much favor in the eyes
OF Revorg the Fat, wherefore the baker
sought promotion at the hands of Re-
vorg the Fat and did 60 up and bow be-
fore the throne of Revorg the Fat and
offer oblations and sacrifices. And
Revorg the Fat was much pleased and
gratifed thereat and he placed his hand
on the little bakers diminutive head
for the baker was man OF small stature
and great littleness of head-and Re-
vorg the Fat promoted the petit baker
and placed him over the people with
privileges and emoluments and granted
unto him, yea even unto the little
baker, the exclusive right to fabricate
and sell certain pie, and the baker
secured unto himself the patent on
these pies and the trademark thereof.
and he called these pies judicial Pies"
and the people were greatly afflicted
thereat, for they were compelled to
purchase and eat these pies.
Now it came to pass that certain
citizen OF Xineohp, who inscribed
hieroglyphics on white papyrus, was
afflicted with indigestion and he had a
weak stomach and the pies of the in
hated baker did harm and damage unto
the inscriber on papyrus, whose cir
name was Lupusly and Lupusly did in
scribe on his papyrus an expose of said
| pies saying therein, that the pies were
offensive and that the ingredients were
nauseating to his delicate taste and the
contents thereof unfit for judicial pies
and 10 and behold when this thing was
brought to the knowledge OF the vindic-
| tive baker by one of his dough kneaders
| he was exceedingly wroth, and cavorted
around the rostrum in his bakery and
did forthwith order another of his
kneaders of dough to 60 forth and fetch
said Lupusly and the kneader of dough
did fetch the said Lupusley before the
baker and the baker did mulct Lupusly
in the sum of three hundred shekels
of silver and did use much speach to
| capture the crowd and did vent his Bit
ter spleen and pour out, even upon the
back of Lupusly, the walls of his wrath
and the said Lupusly had no recourse
and was compelled to endure the in
justice for there was no appeal from the
edict of the baker and Lupusly silently
submitted to the judicial pies.
And it came to pass that the people
of Anozira grew weary of the rulers OF
their land and clamored for change for
they were not permitted voice in the
selection of their rulers and those who
sat above them and they held meetings
and consulted together with the wise
men and leaders of the people to devise
means to change the form of govern
| ment.
Now this artful, though diminutive
baker of pies, seeing the desire of the
people and considering the ease with
which they could be duped, solilo-
quized to himself thus: 81 desire
much to journey to Notgnihsaw that
may look into my chances for securing
to myself the appointment of Federal
| judicial pie man in the event of a
change of government; so l will send
forth my dough kneaders and others of
| IL - Al
question of change and induce the peo-
Pile of Xineohp to believe that will
sacrifice my time and pie privileges
and Journey to Notgnihsaw and beseech
the council Of Revorg, the Fat, to
grant these people their prayer for a
change OF government and these burros
will be gulled and subscribe of their
substance, even of their ducats to de-
fray my expenses to Notgnihsaw.
"When l get there il l find my
chances for appointment to the position
of permanent federal pie man good then
1 shall strenuously advocate change in
government otherwise l ain not burro
like they are."
Now burro, in the nomenclature OF
that country means an animal of ex-
ceeding length OF ears and proclivities
partaking much of idiocy.
The people Xineohp believing the
juggling baker, put forth their hands
and contributed OF their hard earned
ducats in the sum of four hundred, and
yet there was suffering and distress in
the land.
Now when the little baker saw the
fruitful products OF his scheme, and the
four hundred ducats were presented to
him he did smile and again soliloquize
to himself thus:
"Behold my shrewdness in not only
securing the endorsement of these