The record-union., 1894-05-30
AFTER MARRIAGE.
Lady Cook Talks Very Plainly to
Married Women.
Her Advanced Ideas in Regard to the
Present Marriage Laws = Re-
forms That She Advocates.

Marriage Is the IdluThl C6HLCA VI
tation to all sexual affection. Woolng
and Irritation. playfulness and coquetry.
esteem and friendship, are, more or less,
its preludes. Even the most prosalc ieel
that period of dalliance should precede
IL. Not to have been courted would be
-eproach to any matron, and is acutely
resented by the most antiquated spin
lister. Many lovers like to prolong the
process on the same principle that child
makes a sugar-stick last as long as pos
sible. For there is charm and sweet
ness and a romance about courtship
which nothing can equal, and which
make it as deisghtful to the poor, ig-
norant and rough little peasant girl as TO
the most beautiful and accomplished
peeress, perhaps even more so. For love
is oftener truly told "beneath the milk
white thorn" than under "canopies OF
costly state.v The affections are freer
and fuller and altogether more natural
among the respectable lower and MIDDLE
classes than at either extreme OF society.
Eminent naturalists tell US that some
birds exhibit many curious habits during
the mating season. The COCKS lndulge III
dancing matches, gyratlng IN circles I'M
till like the Shakers. they drop from eX-
haustion, and all for the delectation OF
the hens, who demurely stand by and
watch the performance. The mates strut
and ogle with doWnspread wings, dis
playing every inch OF feather ana every
antic they possess, and become so lntOXl-
Gated as to be oblivious to danger. This
occurs in spring before their marriage.
But see these birds in the autumn, wild
and wary, and who would believe them
to be the same Their character in the
meantime appears to have undergone
complete change. Then you might walk
over them; now you can hardly approach
within hundred yards.
And so il is with these other bipeds.
Before marriage they practice sort OF
stage-acting. The display every artifice
which they think captivating. They con-
ceal their real characters from each other
and assume others which do not belong
to them. Each makes up" extensively.
He is manly, generous, forebearln2. over
flowing with delightful solicltude. She
is ingenious, trustful, sweet-tempered,
devoted and gushingly affectionate. They
hang upon each others slightest wish. so
that each seems made for each They
only require marriage to complete their
happiness. For
Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always TO be- biest.
And this must be so while we substi-
tute fancies for realities, and take a mi
race for a lake; while we weave ropes of
sand and think them life-cables; while
we lay our foundations of happiness in
the shifting quicksandS of passion and
dissimulation instead of on the eternal
rock OF truth. If we would be happy we
must be wise. If we would be wise we
must see clearly, must investigate with
out prejudice and weigh with judgment.
1t is all too easy to link our fate with
hat e fhar Nx-0 Fs1o n q q {
as the birds and the beasts, but very
many important considerations are re-
quired to make the union prudent and
permanent.
And thus it too frequently happens
that the honeymoon is scarcely through
before domestic miseries commence. One
by one the defects of character in each
reveal themselves until the whole are ex-
posed in ali their deformity. Desire gives
way to Indifference, and Indifference to
dislike, until at length they positively
hate each other. lie becomes domineer-
ing and unkind in manner; she petulant,
capriciOus, OF uncertain temper and care
less of her person and her home. The
bower which they had prepared for them
selves as u miniature Eden becomes an
overwhelming hell, engulting day by day
each hope and pleasure of their lives, and
eventually robbing them of the very fac
ulty of enjoyment.
Another OF the chief reasons for this
state of things is that women frequently
take great pains to secure their husbands,
and, having succeeded, act as il nothing
more were to be done. But it is far easier
10 catch mans fancy than to keep it.
Any pretty fool may, by careful angling,
hook a wise man, but it takes sensible
woman to retain his affections, or even
those of q foolish one. Men are vagrants
by nature. They have, as they seem TO
suppose, prescriptive right to wander
Ages of mastery and oppression of
women have warped their perceptions OF
truth and Justice. The most generous
and most reasonable of them have lurk-
ing and deep-seated feeling that they
ought to lord it over women. With most
men it has become an instinct, so that
whenever they make us concessions, they
do not always do so from sense OF right,
but from mere gallantry. We are poor,
frail, inferior creatures, so 1t becomes our
lordly superiors to pity our weakness and
to treat us literally. Thus we meet with
the usual fate of slaves and dependents
from time immemorial; caressed to-day
and kicked tomorrow.
On every hand we see the unhappy eff
fects of careless marriages without fear
ing for ourselves. Just as ''all men think
all men mortal but themselves" SO we
think the errors of others are nothing to
US. Is there any other folly equal to such
faulty as this? And how can anything
but misery result after marriage from
unions made SO thoughtlessly or hastily
that life is not long enough to repent them
sufficiently.
Observe the case of poor man who
selects girl because he is smitten with
her smart appearance. She appears cheer
ful, active, careful and scrupulOuSly neat.
let within a year of marriage she devel-
ops into sIatternly and irregular wife,
neglectful of his home, and untidy in
herself. She does not recognize the i'm
portance OF enhancing, ii possible, those
qualities which won her husbands re-
gard. On thescontrary, she is Indifferent
whether he is pleased or not. Time does
not improve her. Step by step she re-
cedes from the picture OF her whom he
walked out with.p Another dream is
shattered, and unless ne happens 10 be
man of high morality and inheXible
honor, be seeks solace for his misfor-
tune IN some other direction, and usually
q bad one. In the other classes OF life IL
is the same. Marriage is frequently fol-
lowed by excessive vanity, by extraya-
gance, love of pleasure: any distraction,
in short, TO cure the monotony OF home.
The woman, no matter how high her
rank, who gads about in search of dissi-
patton while her husband is working
hard at his profession, or occupation, is
tolerably sure TO meet with an admirer
among the idle yotarieS of pleasure, thou
sands of whom are ever on the watch tor
vain and weak-minded women. There
would be little occasion for our divorce
courts if married women remained at
home and did their duty III their hus-
bands absence. And if women, after
marriage, were as assiduous to please
them, as they were TO please their lovers.
such courts might be dispensed with al
together except for a few irreciaimable
men.
After marriage husband and wife are
too secure of each other from legal point
of view, and can therefore indulge in
greater liberties than are consistent with
.,a.,t,, aI 1.nn1fnrt Lrhare slnLlld be iarnar