Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-07-30
JUST FOR FUN.

"Now, Johnnie, what is rudder?''
ga stern necessity, sir.''
In the matter of hair dress ing, why
shouldn't we take the queue from the
Chinese?
Landlady = What portion of the
chicken will you have, Mr.. Brown?
Boarder-About quarter, thank you.
Said an Irishman the other day to a
friend Arrah, where will you find a
modern building that has lasted as
long as the old vans?
First Burglar = Any luck lately?
Second Burglar-No. Worked all night
on safe; and, when got it bowed
open, it was folding-bed.
Kar1's Glover Root,the great Blood purifier
gives freshness and clearness to the Complex
ION and cures Constipation, 25 and SO cts and
100.
Won Bulow said of a certain pianist,
''He has technique which enables
him to overcome the simplest pass
ages with the greatest difficulty"
Game Dealer Sorry we're quite
sold out of game. Try some of our
famous sausages? Sportsman : Oh,
hang it all, man, I can't shoot saus-
ages!
Wolly Wit-Do you know, fancy [
have quite a literary bent. Van Dem
mit-All right, my boy. Keep on,and
you'll be worse than bent; you'll be
broke.
She-Cease your fattery, sir, or
shall put my hands over my ears. He
! (wishing to pay her compliment
| Impossible! Your hands are too small
| for that.
Johnny-Mamma my toes are not
as hard as leather, are they? Mamma
No, Johnny. Johnny-Then, mann
ma, how do they wear themselves
through my shoes?
Mrs. Chatter-Do you believe that
cures can be effected by the laying on
of hands? Mrs. Clatter-Most GER
tainly. I cured my boy of smoking in
that way.
Weel, friends, said a Scotch clergy
man recently, the kirk is urgently in
to get money honestly we will have
to see what a bazaar can do for us.
Gotrox has sent that wooden head
ed son of his on an ocean voyage. 1
wonder what for. l understand some
body told him if there was anything
in the boy the sea would bring it out.
Little Dot i don't see how COWS
can eat grass. Little Dick-I s'pOse
when they is young, the mother COWS
keeps saying to their children, IF you
don't eat grass, you shan't have any
pie
No, Johnnie; can't buy any candy
foryou It's bad for the teeth. (Af-
ter some moments ofprofound tho't)
Mamma, what would the dentist do
for ivin' if every family was run
like ours is?
"He's very intellectual and literary,
isn't hep" "Why do you think SOP"
"He told me he never felt like him
self till he was snugly esconced in his
library" "Well, you see his folding
bed is a bookcase"
eyes, we had frightful expert
ence," said the returned traveller.
"Have you any idea how it feels to be
hemmed in by icebergs?" 81 think
have" replied the other. 81 once at
tended a five O'Clock tea in Boston,"
Once used, DR.. Pierce's Pellets are always
in favor. Specific for constipation, piles,
billousness, and headaches.
Mr.. Figg made you so late
coming home from school? Tommy
Teacher KEEP me in" "Why?" cit
was jist Misunderstanding" ''Well,
what sort Or a Observation-Disclosures
"W'y, I didn't understand my jog
rafy."
The dude was making the girl dead
tired by his long and vapid talk on
the advancement of women. "Don't
you ever wish you were a MANI" he
asked as kind of clincher. ''No,"
she responded in the sweetest, most
womanly way. "Do you?"
A gentleman coming out of the
house saw his son sitting on the pump
with slate and pencil in his hand.
The father said, "Why aren't you at
school to- day?" "why, pa" said the
boy, "I'm sittin' here ZOOS the teacher
told us to write a composition on ssThe |
Pump"