Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-08-21
NUpTIAL CONTRACTS.
Johns Duty 10 Nary In q Case Of Rs'
ciprocal Affection.
INTERESTING POINT OF HONOR
Raised bv walter Besant NJ to tho Re
spective Evils and Benefits OF rro-
Ionged Engagements.
correspondence OF the Dispatch)

for a man to bind WOnndh e""N'
matrimonial engagement. which implies
indefinite waiting for Its fulfllment!
Mr.. Walter Besant made reference 10
something Of the sort the other day ana
during the present prolonged hhahciai
stringency many a love-sick bachelor Is
asking himself this very question.
John adores Mary. and has cogeht rea-
sons for believing that his passion Is
reciprocated. Immediate marriage
quite impossible. Shall lie tell his love- or
allow concealment. like a worm 10 play
havoc with his heart? His silence leaves
her Mt liberty TO accept other proposals
II they present themselves. WINE Oh
the other hand. plighilng her troth 10 MN
may mean the unavaillng sacrihce vi
youth. home, and husband to his selfish
affection.
John is pretty well satisfied that Mary
cares for him sufficiently to accept 'he
waiting risks. But that very fact makes
him ponder all the more seriously upon his
duty 10 her. lie appreciates that every
woman whose nature is wholesome ana
sweet is keenly ambitious for the love- thf
dignity. and multiplied interests that mar
ried life alone can give. In the early loh-
derness of her attachment Mary is APT I"
minimize all OF this. but as time passeh
and her girlish bloom fades. may she ho'
regret this price Of her ndehtyF AItcr
playing the part Of bridesmaid nan
dozen times she may long to De Drio7
herself.
Az the years drag on every new house
erected in the neishborhood, every chris
tcning party at church. every smoo'h-
checked marion he meets will be a direct
reproach TO him. Mary. too might ne
discussing housekeeping cares al the 81"
ing society and presiding al mothers meet
ings If he had not seifshly bouhu her W
a promise. Her sympathy IN ms I"'sc
fortunes will be just az generous a. VI
Old. but he will wonder now ana inc"
II her feelings have not undergone
change. and the sentiment Is not that OF
n sister rather than u sweetheart re II
sure they will miss something the future
can never give. and If the blessed DAY
of union actually comes they must W
content to take restfuness for ecstacy'
ALL VERY FINE
Which reasoning IS all very fne' Mr.
John: but as you thought II out IN 'lo-
u,nt of idealistic altruisrn, IT Is not III
practice worth a snap of my fnger.
II is but right that a man should hesi-
tate to ask woman 10 assume the opi'sd-
ticns OF natriTnony without any or lts
lows and privileges. To an honorable "o-
man an engagement means the assunlp-
ton OF many duties and anxietes. ana IL
prolonged beyond a certain period Is apr
10 become slightly ludicrous to the out
side world Romance hovers only about
new MARRIAGES anu new bethrothals, ana
old lovers are hopelessly commonplace.
But the very fact of your asking Mary
IN he your wife assumes that she Is
person of understanding sufficient to Know
her own mind Your proposal was not
made under any false pretences. she ac-
cepted the situation with her eyes VICE
open, and II is but fair to let her exercise
some discretion in matter so nearly con-
corning her happiness.
IL John only knew IL, the one unpardon-
able crime a man can commit in the eyes
Of the woman who loves him Is not 10
confess his passion for her Silence she
finds IL impossible to forgive. Aside from
the grief she suffers. his reticence puts
her at such a cruel disadvantage. Unless
he speaks the magic words. she is power
less TO tell him how patiently she Will
await the turn OF his fortunes or the re-
rnoval OF whatever obstacles separate
them. Waiting is one Of the things wo-
men possess a positive genius for, and
uncertainty a trial they are helpless to
combat. AS all the world agrees. men
and women hold diametrically opposite
views az TO what Is honorable. John reels
he has no right to speak. While Mary Is
warming to prove her sublime Indifference
TO the very stumbling block In their way.
Then. too. Mary is justified in believing
that Johns mountain, sensibly approach
ed. will result in the merest molehill. ol
course. his sentiment about his old mother
is very admirable, but is IL just or right
because she is an elderly, feeble, and
much INDUCED old lady Is no reason why
he should remain single. True, she de-
peuds upon him, or has very natural
maternal jealousy touching her son. but
IT seems n little unfair 10 sacrifice young
woman's love 10 an old woman's within
HE SHOULD SPEAK.
As a rule, the embarrassment that be-
gets a long engagement Is hnhhc.a; out
whatever IL may be. the man should
sneak. If he believes his love is returned
he has no right to withhold from the
woman a complete confession of his feel
ings. Not only is 1t treating her win
the proper respect and CONSIDERATION Out
he owes II to himself Womans noblest
role Is that Of inspirer TO man. ana. piano.
plied by the love of good woman and
spurred on by the hope of possessing her'
what may not a man achieve. what DAN
gers avoid. what sacrifices make!
Much evil has been wrought BY just
such false conceptions OF honor as the one
Walter Besant suggests And, though
elective ahlnities and broken hearts are
unknown outside Of the sentimental world
warm. human love Is the most active
agent in the world to-day. II Is as much
thought OF by men and talked of by
women as when knight Grants and dam
sells were in vogue. Every one all the
while is making an unconscious struggle
TO win or to hold it. What a pity, then.
with so many real difficulties in the way.
that fictitious barriers. which are purely
imaginary. should be allowed to obstruct
the course II John loves Mary tell her So
Tell her at all hazards Let him entreat
her 10 be his, and If they are Obliged 10
wait half a lifetime for the ring. IL Will
be none the less complete circle in the
end and all of pure gold.
MARY l.. BISLAND.