The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1894-11-24
CALDWELL'S REPLY
Iro tho Question If he is a oandi-
date For the Senate.
bright MISUNDERSTANDING LETTER
written In Characteristic style BY
Hon. Charles y. Caldwell, of Park.
,rsDurs-some Excellent Reasons
WHY Ho is Not a Candidate For
Senatorial Hdnors.

liHneB bbs tS"S"]S
~, written by Hon. Charles 7. Cald-
ali 10 a Huntington friend in reply to
" ipnuiry as 10 whether or not hc
would be q candidate for United States
''"" P4EEERsDuRo, W. Va,
Nov. 10, 1894
u,n "csnsp Campbell. HnHtfngton. ". Va.
DEAR "GEsE':-I have much pleas
r,s N acknowledging receipt Of your
ric,ure,oue and phantasmagorial letter
81 tho 18Th inst
II has been Interestingly considered,
In an lie varied phases, with that de-
cree Of care and appreciation which es.
,.smed communication from tried
sod valued friend should receive.
And now. this evening, while enjoy
INCA lucid interval in the rasptng effects
nj INV rheumatic circus, l will endeayor
n ha.,y reply, with tho usual L. and .:
+ reservations, which should be used
aIvavS In treating on political subjects.
4 Rsnublican in West Virginia cannot
he expected 10 be sufficiently cool, calm
and eauipoised in his or her feelings to
indct q state paper. SO soon alter an
aerolite OF the Dimensions OF flock oil
the Pyramid Of CbeopS has made de-
sceat and atomizsd our late friends,
the enemy" -.
No, / am not .snoiling or sparring for
n tiVbt for United States senator, nor
for anything else, but % "slumpo some
rheumatic seignorage have In old
stock. A short spell ago newspaper
ala accidentally mention my name once
for that position, which l understood
wasdone with malice pre.penSe to intimi-
date me into paying up au old arrearage
OF subscription. That was done before
Il was generally known whether or not
any one could be found outside OF tho
roster Of Bill Cooks relief corps OF the
Indian territory or the Fifty-third Con-
oress, who would be willing to inten-
tionally and voluntarily jeopardize his
character and that OF his unsainted
mother.in-law in that way. The notice
accomplished the desircd end. called
on the editor the next morning as l
CHANGED to meet him at the corner
pawn shop. We liquidated together (he
was fragment Of Democrat; there are
no whole ones now. they are all granu.
lated, and / paid the account
according to Democratic times and
tariH schedule, viz. I'D valorem rates.
BY note OF hand at long range. The
next issue OF the aforesaid senatorial
boomlet paper contained an apology,
which likely DETECTED personal on
counter that might have resulted in the
premature bursting OF blood globules.
Hence you preceive am not in 1t. My
only senatorial instinct was momentar-
lily quickened by something like the
aspirations expressed by an old saw
buck, who felt constrained to represent
himself in the state general assembly,
with a slight variation. He said he
didn't care for the "emoluments OF the
Office" but no needed the mileage and
per diem. Now il the next seasons
crop Of senatorial '.emoluments" will
DO as prolific OF saccharine nuggets as
the last one was, then would love to DO
there II only as the son or servant OF
senator.
OF course, "Gene," am not entirely
Obvious to the loose things floating
around me, nor ossifed to such an OK.
tent as not 10 know when l ain
"leched." Therefore. / speak in the
manner Of men only when / say l am
not a candidate for senatorial elevation,
but have no control over my friends!
And il they should refuse to BIO con-
doned Il e, fixed) by some one else,
and 20 on aud elect me to the senate
without my knowledge, would be
compelled, knowing there are Others
more worthy the place, more entitled to
tHat OF some other place, more depend
ent and longer in tue service, more dis.
tnguished aud more experienced, rs
they have been in Office so long-1 say
would, knowing thore wonld be other
opportunities hereafter, Just take tho
sugar and wire the boys my congratul0-
tons. Ishrink from the thought.
To go through n congressional race
the wrong way, that is, go in the mann
moth cave end OF the trumpet and come
out the diminutive terminus thereof, as
did two years ago, and then have
rheumatism with lunbagoic attach
lnents, ensconced in my corpus deficit,
cavor!ing around like 4 pair OF orna-
mental clowns in circus, for couple
ootyears, are about enough engagements
Tor one cycle OF time, without wooing
the demoralzing effect of Washington
senatorial society," Ask my distin-
gaished friend, Judge Harvey. about it.
He can tell you as soon as he has been
fesuscitated, except the rheumatic con-
,ingency, which you can assure him on
apple Of presidents, will come in about
twenty months after tho disaster.
No, no, Gene" l cannot afford 10
either expose or mix my rheumatism In
Washington, for / am informed the
smallpox has broken out in the interior
department (about tho best located dis
ease know at presently. l may DO mis-
taken about tho departments, as there
are 90 many o, them. It may be the
posierior department (they were plen-
tllul before Congress adjourned), 1pre-
!et rheumatism; defeat for senator or
congress, or even Punishment TO Jay
county, Indiana, to having my countUn-
ance trescoed by smallpox or any other
disagreement, for my good looks arc
my only mascot and irredeemable fen.
tnre, as | am informed by a distin-
Gn'shed taxidermist. As matter OF
iaet' such catastrophe. l am sure,
would not mar tho features OF my
friend, Judge Harvey just now. Nel-
t9er would 1t have deranged the toilet
81 my physioRnomy pair Of years ago
about this time.
With these primo promises laid in