The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-07-07
THE FATE HE ESCAPED.

(Reading) while on his way to Gee
Vile last evening, Hiram Green's
horse ran away, throwing Green from
the wagon and breaking his neck"
Mrs. Henpeck-And you call that
escaping pitiful fate?
Henpeck--Yes. (Reading) Green
was on his way to Geeville to be mar
ried.- Browning's Monthly.
THEY HAD MET.
Judge (sternly)-Your face is very
familiar. Have you been in this
court before?
Prisoner-No, sir; but I'm bar
tender at the Farandon HOTEL Life
HIS EXACT WORDS.
Jess-What did papa say when you
asked him?
Jack-Not much.
Jess-But what was it?
Jack-Just that, Not much"
BRIGHT BOY.
johnny" said teacher in one OF
the uptown public schools, have
you seen the skeleton of the man.
moth in the Museum of Natural His
tory?"
Yes, num-
ITO what kind of an animal does
it belong?"
"A dead one. IL Texas Siftings.
WASN'T AS STOUT AS BEFORE.
Meandering Moses-Are them the
same clothes you had on last week?
Itinerant Ike--Yes.
NJ. M.-They don't seem to fit you
as well as they did. They hang more
loose.
/. 1--we had n bath since then.
= New York Press.
LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING.
Teacher-What is the difference
between long ton and a short ton?
Observing Boy-The weight of the
driver.-[Good News.
RUsE THAT FAILED.
He-Do dreams 60 by contraries?
She-They do.
He-Always?
She-Always.
He-Then | dreamed last night
that proposed to you and you said
NO"
She-Then, to show you that
dreams 60 by contraries, If you were
to propose to me now would not say
"No."
He-You wouldn't?
She-I wouldn't. would say, "I'll
be sister to YOU"
HIS HAPPY MOMENT.
New arrival (to Subdued Looking
Man in the hotel office)-Iou are the
clerk of this hotel, l suppose, sir?
Subdued Looking Man-Oh, you
fatter me, sir! am only the pro-
prietor!
NOT NOTICEABLE.
Miss Summit don't think I ever
saw you looking so well.
Miss Palisade-Really?
Miss Summit-Yes, indeed. I was
remarking to your mother yesterday
that didn't think you had faded
bit in the last ten ears.-[New York
Herald.
NOT ALWAYS A DRAWBACK.
Isn't it nuisance to have a
treacherous memory"
Not always. Some days ago my
wife told me not to forget to call the
veterinary physician for her poodle
or it would die. forgot. "-[Chicago
Record.
ABSENT-MINDED.
Miss Wouldbe-By the way, have
you seen Mr.. Dropof of late?
Arthur Duncan-About two days
ago.
Miss Wouldbe-Well,if if you see him
again, would you kindly remind him
Of the fact that we are engaged?-
Ledger.
NOT LOADED.
"Krupp's is the biggest cannon
ever made, isn't it?'
Yes, and the earth is the largest
revolver"
AN AsTUTE SALESMAN.
"Got any COW bells?" asked
Texas farmer, stepping into hard
ware store in Dallas.
Yes: step this way"
Those are too small. Haven't
you any larger?" asked the farmer,
after he had inspected some small
COW bells.
NO sir all the largest one are
sold"
Rusticus started off and got as far
as the door, when the clerk called
after him:
Look here, stranger, take one Of
these bells for your COW, and you
won't have half the trouble in find
ing her, for when you hear her bell
you will always know she can't be
far off. II you were to buy big bell
that can be heard a long distance,
you would have to walk yourself to
death finding the cow"
The farmer houyht tho hell -