Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-08-03
sass, and a decollete gown with hello

sass, and a decollete gown with hello
trope trimmings. as q personiHcation Of
political purity. At the opening Of the
performance, Willie will caress the harp
with 9 soft, adagio movement, and after
9 brief invocation Of the divine blessing,
will guarantee to beepatter three hun
dred and forty-six persons with mud,
without skipping q note in the harp
movement. Betsey will then present the
three political parties in the shape Of
shells, and Willie will be the pea, a prize
of 500 to be offered to any person who
will succeed in locating the pea. After.
two thousand eight hundred and sixty
trials shall have been made without sue
cess, the performance will be closed with
q tableau, in which Willie, with two cap
pistols in each hand, and large coal Of
living fire in each eye, will be the United
States army, and Betsey, his head
dress adorned with peacock feathers, will
be the A. r. u.
Coroner Debs and a jury consisting Of
A. r. U. delegates from wei the coun-
try, will conduct an inquest at Chicago,
August I'd, and endeavor to discover
just what caused the decease Of the
great tie-up. I understand the occasion
will be a rather gruesome one. MI.
Debs is to appear in court plaster en-
train, with crutches a Ia Worth, and
strongly scented with arnica and car
bolisalve. Over the entrance to the
inquest hall, will appear a huge emblem
EMPOWERED in roses and mignonette:
God made the world in six days, and
Debs tied it up in twenty-four hours.
Hail to u king" In the interior Of
the hall will be displayed c~onspicuously,
little banners, bearing notices, such as
this: "In Debs We Conquer" ga little
disfigured but still in the ring" "Veni,
vidi, vici," aud other appropriate
slogans. MI. Debs will then make a
speech, in which he will prove to the
satisfaction Of all the delegates that
every road in the country is still tied up.
The delegates will then pass resolutions
of regret upon the absence IF Mr.. Geo.
M. Pullman, and resolve that the strike
is a roaring success. After the business
shall have been transacted, MI. James
R..Sovereign will amuse the assembled
with a refined sleight of hand perform
ance, eating two large red hot stoves,
and igniting a trainload of boxcars at a
distance of a half mile with his unshod
breath.
I have seen, in the course OF the
past few days, a series of methods for
avoiding the effect of the heat. No two
Of these are alike, and I have compiled a
list of the principal ways OF keeping
cool, as discovered among this conglom-
GRAFTON of ways and means, As nearly
as can be judged from a sort of ompos-
ite photograph Of the different remedies,
the average human being should conduct
himself about as appears below:
l. Do not drink ice water or other iced
drinks. Avoid hot water, tea, coffee, or
any alcoholic stimulants. All of these
are injuries in hot weather.
2. Under no consideration partake of
any liquids at meals. It is highly det-
rimental to the digestion.
8. Never drink between meals. The
system demands rest from the continual
saturation with liquids, practiced by the
majority Of people.
4. Keep cool as possible. Do not al
low yourself to get overheated.
5. Do not remain in the house these
hot days. The impure air and imperfect
ventilation Of the home is sadly in
furious.
g.. Never remain out in the sun when
you can avoid it. Sunstroke is likely at
all times.
Z. Do not put in your time hunting
for q shady place to escape the heat.
This practice results only in ~aggravating
the heat.
8. Do not eat meat of any kind. Veg.
etables and fruits are cooling, but likely
to induce summer complaint, and it is
best to avoid them.
9. Avoid hot water baths. The sud-
den cooling of the skin may induce
prostitution.
10. Cold water should never be re-
sorted to, to cool the body in hot
weather. The best hygienists denounce it.
There are a number OF other remedies
but these are just a few, which I have
selected at random. 1t will be noticed
that death is not prohibited. After en-
deavoring to comply with the above
rulee. I would advise every person to
live with this end in view.
Let me extend congratulations to the
Arkansas supreme court. The whole
people Of Arkansas are to be congratu-
lated upOn its pDssession. NOT MANY