The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-08-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

n lONtI VI Olu bOOhS-lue unObu. -
Mercury.
To the victors belong the privilege
of fighting over the spoils. Puck.
Contentment is better than money,
and just about as scarce. Texas Sift-
ings.
Money that is boarded is no more
use tlan bread that is buried. Mil
waukee Journal
We all of us live and learn but
some of us live a great deal more than
we learn. Puck.
The tramp will not descend to slang
when it comes to using soap" as o
synonym of money. Puck.
Father-"Tommy, what's your
mother baking-a cake?" Tommy
"Can't tell yet. 1t isn't done. Life.
Most men would be pretty we'll sat
isfed with the world if no one in it
we're better of than themselves.
Puck.
There are some mortals who are
never happy save when they have some
hurt feelings to enjoy. y.-Galveston
News.
Every man should try to live so that
the world will not be made very much
better by his getting out of it.--Gal-
weston News.
II woman's age could be told by
her teeth, like horses, man would
occasionally have chance to edge Il
word in.-Puck.
Lover-"I assure you, Herr Meyer,
| cannot live without your daughter"
Herr Meyer--"Oh, you overestimate
my income. ."--Fliegende Blaetter.
"Ah !" remarked the great musician
rs he walked the floor with his bowling
offspring in his arms, ''it is much
easier TO compose grand opera than
wakeful baby"
'Dapper feels terribly uncomtorta-
BILE about his wife's msnnish ways. ."
"Goes in for athletics, eh?" "No,
but she won't learn to build fire. -
Chicago InterOcean.
81 understand you've bought dog
to keep burglars away?" yes"
"You are not troubled any more at
hlEhls lhGhs l. buDHOoCs Chi1 ny
the dog "-Tit-B
Court" "Why should the prisoner
have an interpreter? Can't he speak
English?" Attorney-"No, your
honor, he's a railway trainman. -
Cleveland PLAIN Dealer.
1t will he noticed that the man who
advertises sure scheme for getting
rich in hurry always requests you TO
inclose few postage stamps for his
recipe. Washington Post
"3eSt and change are good for peo-
pie, " said the wife as she rose in the
night to rifle her husbands pockets.
"Ive had 4 rest, and now / think I'll
have little change. Buffalo
Courier.
White ~ wonder that Gray
should tn nix of marrying that woman.
She is not on speaking terms with her
own mother" Black -"Perhaps that
is why Gray marries her. - Boston
Transcript.
Mother--"What have you done to
your little sister," Boy--"Nothin'. "
"rhen what is she cryin' for?" 81
dunno. Guess she's cryin' because
she can't think of anything to cry
for. - Good News
Mrs. Bewtay Eyes, Patrick, that is
my picture; but it hatters me lit
tie. Patrick-"It would have to
hatter you a good deal, mum, to look
as well as you do in my eyes, mum.
Boston Transcript
What's old Swizzles, the million
Rire, looking so pleased about? He
just lost $4,000 in stocks" eyes,
but rfterward he managed to get
free ticket to a seveuty-tive-ceut show"
Washington Star.
Papa Are you sure that you and
mamma thought of me while you were
away?' Little Grsce--"Yes; We
heard man just scolding awful about
his breakfast, and mamma said,
That's just like papa Chicago In
ter-Ocean.
Clerk Does it take you an hour
TO go around the corner?" Boy-"A
man dropped a quarter down hole in
the sidewalk Clerk And it took
you all this time TO get it out?" Boy
-"Yes, sir. l had to wait till the
man went away. Harlem Life.
He-"You are the only woman l
have ever loved" She-"Do you ex-
pect me to believe that?' He-"I
do. / swear it is true"' She-"Then
l believe you. Any man who would
expect a woman to believe that can.
not have been much in the company
of women. "-Harper's Bazaar.