Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-08-03

Although it has been standing for some
years, Mr.. Wellman report the pole
sound all through, although somewhat
marred by tack holes, where Squiggs'
Soap and Dr. Peacham's Bills have been
advertised in earlier days.
To democrats throughout the state
who are suffering from that tired feeling,
let me recommend the demo-pop pill,
prepared and patented exclusively by
the North Dakota State Democratic Flu.
sion association, with headquarters at
Grand Forks. The pill is sugar-coated
and about the size of an ordinary lumber
wagon,to be taken before going to bed. Re.
lieves the digestive organs by inducing
nausea, and works miracles in the whole
democratic system with one dose. Cures
the most aggravated cases Of str8ight
democracy in from one to three days.
Those words of Moore's, relative to the
vanity of human wishes and purposes,
SO prettily expressed in Lalla Rookh:
Twas ever thus from childhood's hour,
I've seen my fondest hopes decay.
are exempllfied in truthfulness by the
New York bologna sausage, and no SOON
or has this aesthetic article Of food Sc
cured for itself an entree into the homes
of the first families of the nation, than a
glamor o. distrust is cast over its slippery
surface, and the foul breath Of suspicion
taints its body polite. A whole family
is at the point of death from a too liber-
al partaking of the elusive bologna, and
it is feared this one incident will place
this edible on the retired list.
I am amused exceedingly at the edi-
torial antics of the North Dakota Inde-
pendent, which has been eating sulphur
and phosphorus again, Notwithstanding
my admonition of last week, and breath
ing out huge streams of living fire upon
the fragrant air. 1 fear the Independent
will PROSTATE itself utterly by it's ex-
~cessive concentration of mentality upon
my illusions to those Mandan troubles.
The Independent remarks that General
Standish's denial completely shows up
the falsehoods of the press in the mat
ter. It is touching sound-the dull
thud with which the side Of the balances
occupied by the Independent and Cen
eral Standish goesasdown, as weighted
against the corporation press"
presume the railroads will soon an
nounce reduced rates to the demo pop
quilting bee at Fargo, when the commit
tees of the two parties will meet, and do
a little needle work in the interests of
reform. Some of the patches do not
match we'll, from an artistic standpoint,
and these will be removed, and others
substituted. I see General Standish has
announced his willingness to withdraw
if it will aid the chances of Muir, and
one or two other changes are to be made.
From present indications, it is
almost certain the democrats will
get the entire attorney generalship as
their share of the ticket, and there is
considerable apprehension lest this over
load will rest heavy upon the democratic
stomach, which is in poor condition for
such a bounteous feast.
Frankly and candidly, I feel justified
in remarking that North Dakota has
as eccentric a conglomeration Of state
tickets as could be imagined, to say
nothing Of actual realization. OF the
candidates for Office, some appear upon
three of the tickets SO far nominated,
and up to the time of the latest reports,
were maintaining an equilibrium. It is
certainly amusing to witness the CON
t~ortions of these triple-jointed office
seekers, in their efforts to harmonize
che trinity of platforms represented by
their candidates.. I can see Reform
littering up it's back parlor with the
tears of bitter sorrow, as it sees it's
darlings Of the populist family skipping
along the tight rope Of prohibition for
the edifcation Of the prohibitionists,
and then hurriedly changing their attire
and doing some thrilling acts on the re-
submission trapeze of the democrats.
I see that the soldiers of General JET
fries army Of the commonweal, who az
forded a few days of excitement to the
residents of Bismarck a month or SO ago
are up to their old tricks again, and
stole a train at Alliance, O., defying all
efforts at their dislodgement. There
were about a hundred Of them in all, and
they rode for some miles, until they
reached a division end, where the rail
ray officials we're in waiting for them
with hoses attached to fire plugs. Water
was played on the disciples of Coxey and
at the first partial immersion, ali Of the
horrid dread of the substance which
c~haracterizes Jefries' army was made
manifest, and a surrender of the army
vas brought about with the simple
liquid where clubs might have been un-