The Washington times., 1894-08-12
Piq-tailed Patriots Talk Of the
Japan-China War.
A DIAGRAM OF THE DIFFICULTY
The Numerous and Ubiquitous Family Of
Quongs as Quizzers and Quizzees-What
the Resident 0rientals Don't Know About
Current Topics-0pinions with Twist.

1
man to discover what, If any, interest the
brethren of the almond-eyed belligerents take
in the cause and progress OF the war.
interviewing Chinese or a Japanese may
safely be classified among the lost arts, like
the original right arm of the Venus of
Milo or the missing left leg of the saddle
horse of Phidias, or any other torso In truth,
the art preservative of the sing-sang-
dialect has never been discovered. and hence
| it is practically lost. This is rather mixture
| OF metaphor, somewhat Icarian flight into
paradox, but it is in strict keeping with the
subject.
| But to get back to Korea. There is now no
longer shadow for dispute, even among
| the rather more intelligent than Ineligible
| Pagans who were ''interviewed" yesterday,
| that Korea is not in it-not even in herself
| so wholly is she occupied by China and
Japan (This point was made by Mr.. Lame
| Lung, Jap haberdasher on l. street, As
Lame Lung continued to elucidate, it is not
| necessary to take Korea into consideration at
all, the real question being the laying on Mac
| duff between the rat traps on both sides of the
Hermit Peninsula. Thus, at the outset, Lame
| Lung offered the only pleasant suggestion in
| the whole line of march as performed yester
| day by the interviewer, as it cut on one-third
| OF the labor by eliminating one of three coun-
tries to be tiguratively traversed.
LAcoSIc But UNSATISFACTORY.
The first heather accosted was Mr. Quong
Sing, who lives at No. 1874 Tenth street north
west. He was discovered alone on stool,
his bare feet drawn up on the seat rather
good looking representative of his 300, ,000, 900
or 400, ,000, 900 brethren.
How do, Mr.. Quong Sing?' SAID the re-
porter, endeavoring to be on pure CASTLE
(soap) terms with Q. S.
81 do" said Mr.. Q. s. quite cheerfuIly.
Well, at any rate that was encouraging. as
each Of the interlocutors could speak at least
one language.
well, then, what is all this war about Mr.
Q. s., and are you on the Jap side or the
other side?'
"Yes." said Q. s., with admirable inper-
turbabiity
great deal had thus far been gained
against the wary heather, so it was con-
tinued.
"Do you like to hear and read about the
war;"
"No." replied the Josh-tickler, don't"
We'll, will China clean 'em up, you think?'
"Yes: cleanelup kick"
How do you know"
Don't know"
"Well, then, in case Congress should"
"Oh, hellee! Letlelonee! SIop talkee!"
And with that Quong Sing flew all to pieces.
His legs spread apart like a spring uncoiled
by lightning or magic. and seizing the sad
iron he used it vigorously on recalcitrant
collar, and spat occasionally into the face Of
the whole Celestial kingdom.
There are a great many Quongs in Wash
ington. The very next man seen was an
other one of the Quongs, this particular one
being Quong Wah, doing washing, ironing
md 1i,vht hn, tha cfrtta NJ
209 Four-and-a-half street.
STRAIGHT TIP IN THREE MONTHS.
"Ah, Quong Wah,' said The TIMES man,
profiting by the experience with the other
Quong, "you can tell me all about this inter-
esting Chiness-Japanese war. Won't you, good
Quong Wah?"
''Come black tlee money; alice light" This
was poser. but after awhile, with the aid of
Ready Referendum, it was interpreted to
mean: ''All right; come back in three months
and I'll give you dead straight tip"
The next man (Chinese) was Sing Lee, who
with two assistants one of whom appeared to
be a woman in blue petticoat, runs an es-
tablshment. suds and sadirons, at No. $40
Tenth street northwest. Sing Lee has a most
euphonious and melodious name, and he
proved to be a jolly joker. He chatted away
quite amicaby in tolerably good Pidgin; ex-
planned that be didn't know anything and
cared less about the subject. Business was
nor so good as it might be, and that made
difference. When Sam had talked himself
out and had said nothing the second assistant
washerwoman, who wore very little except
what might be described as cross between
Greek chlamys, a Roman palliuni. and a
Biddy's apron, quietly took down from
shelf roll Of paper on which was displayed
the Korean war map with illustrations. At
this the three pagans laughed consumedly.
G II. n nj her
were not. The joke was that a man with
sword had swiped the heads off dozen or so
men all in row.
"Ah," said the explorer. "this. then, is the
war and this is how you do it. suppose the
man with the sword is a Chinaman and the
acephalous soldiers are the Japanese
"Ah," roared the three in chorus, "Sure
Surel Daml DAM"
And so ended that interview, with the
subject much illustrated and advanced for the
public digestion.
AN OPINION IN CHOICEST vERNAcULAR.
But the ''piece de resistance" of the whole
resistance of the heathen to say what they
think was at the southwest corner of Four
and-a-half street and Missouri ayenue-the
well-known, dilapidated, but picturesque
habitat of the proletariat RS well as the aris-
tocracy of the folks We have with us from the
Celestial kingdom. Calls were made upon
people In the establishment OF Quong Eot
Chang and Hip Chong Long Co. An usher
or outpost at the first place said that they
knew all about it "down stairs
The interviewer entered cellar around the
wall Of which were disposed several benches,
on which there were pictures Of the 'laziest
incidence imaginable. When the reporter en-
tered the men were chattering like chimpan-
zees, but Immediately shut up with the dis
tinct click of rat trap. Nothing was said for
SO lohg time that the silence became embar-
RAISING. At last Celestial exquisite, who
had his back (as most of them had to the
visitor, and who had evidently heard what
had been said at the door, revolved himself
about on his slk-sleeved elbow and said
quite distinctly:
young man, il you wish information on
this intensely interesting international subject,
/ suggest that you call upon the representa-
dyes of China or Japan here. or on your Sec
retary of State, or. what is much better, read
The WASHINGTON Times
And this from a Chinaman! 1t need not be
said that the idea of clarifying the situation
no longer existed as an entity in the inter-
viewing brain. japanese and Chinese exc
gesis was at once abandoned, the haberdasher
returned to his suds, the scholarly Oriental to
his pipe and Othello TO his occupation.
COMMUNING WITH NATURE,
There are six hundred varieties of cotton,
In Stuttgart there is a rosebush which
covers a space of two hundred and thirty