New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1894-04-11
I SMELL SMOKE.

One night when in bed MIR. SnOOdle
had an irresistible desire for a pipe,
which he in vain endeavored to combat.
His wife was fast asleep, so he cautious
~ stretched out his hand for his pipe,
which lay on a little table by the bed
side. Then with equal caution he filled
it, lighted up and was putting away
with intense relish when Mrs. Snoodle
turned over and gave two or three
snorts.
81 believe she's going to wake up, !"
thought Mr.. Snoodle and hastily took
his pipe from his mouth and placed it
on the table.
Mrs. Snoodle gave few more snorts
and woke up. Then she gave series a
shifts, and MIR. Snoodle trembled, for
the room was pregnant with tobacco
smoke.
"John, are you smoking?' asked his
wife sternly:
"Certainly not, my dear. Whatever
makes you think sop he innocently in
quired.
because can smell tobacco" she
replied. 'Phew, how strong it is! Don't
you smell it, JOhn?''
"Can't say do, Martha. I've got q
bit of a cold"
"Open your eyes, man, and then you
WILL" snapped Mrs. Snoodle.
81 don't smell with my eyes,, gig
gled Mr.: Snoodle
'What I mean is wake up properly
and sniff hard. Now, can't you smell
it?''
"Well-er-I think there is faint
odor Of tobacco" admitted the culprit.
Think faint odor! Why, the place
reeks with it! tell you what it is,
John, there's somebody smoking in the
house," declared his wife.
"Doyou think Jane INDUCES in pipe
Oh the sly?" suggested Mr.. Snoodle.
'Nonsensep'
"Well, my dear, the only other living
thing in the house is the cat, and I
never heard Of cats smoking.'
"Don' It talk rubbish, John. It's seri-
GUS matter: It's my firm belief there's
burglar smoking in the house." And
Mrs. Snoodle shivered.
"Ah, very likely" replied MIR. Snoo-
die, thankful for his lucky escape and
preparing to go to sleep again.
John, are you going to sleep and let
the house be ransacked?" asked his wife
Indignantly:
Certainly not, my DEAR"
'"Then why don't you go down stairs
and catch the burglar?''
MIR. Snoodle very reluctantly got out
Of the warm bed into the cold air, Sleep
lily lighted candle and moved toward
the door.
AREN'T you going to take some
weapon of defense?'' asked his wife.
'Do you want to be killed? Inever saw
such a man!''
Mr.. Snoodle rather sulkily seized the
poker and muttered that eff he found
burglar he'd make it smoking hot for
him.
He had got half way down stairs and
was thinking Of anything but burglars
when he suddenly saw a man dart out
OF the dining room and bolt down the
kitchen stairs. Mr.. Snoodle's first i'm
pulse was instant flight, for he was an
arrant coward, but he was so astounded
and petri6ed with fear that he was ut
terly unable to either move or speak.
He simply stood still, holding the candle
nearly upside down, with his mouth
wide open. Then he heard the back door
bang and knew that the burglar was
gone, SO thought it was about time for
action and to earn a little cheap glory.
so he roared OUT ''You villains! I'll
murder you! I'll scalp you as clean as a
whistler and rushed down stairs. He
had never before felt SO heroic in his
life He bounded into the dining room
and fought fiercely with the furniture
especially the fender, as he could bang
into that without injuring it much un-
til he was quite exhausted.
John, John, come up stairs!'
screamed Mrs. Snoodle. "You'u be
killed!''
cts all right, Martha!' shouted
back Mr.. Snoodle.
"Have you got the rascals safely
bound then?''
mo, they've got away: But I've
nearly killed 'em!''
"Thank heaven! Come up stairs and
let me dress your wounds, dear, . said
Mrs. Snoodle solicitously.
Mr.. Snoodle, after securing the back
door, which the servant had omitted to
lock, and undoing the bundle Of plate
that the burglar had left behind in his
hurry to escape, went up stairs.
"Oh, John" exclaimed Mrs. Snoodle
on beholding him, ''then you're not
dead?''
mo, dear he said, hopping his
brow. But it was terrible fight.
I'm sure it was I never heard such
an awful row. Did they take any thing:?'
"Only their hook, = grinned Mr..
Snoodle. II was just in time to prevent
'em carrying off the best part Of our
plate. 1t was all tied up ready. That