Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-08-30

adore soldiers, ma'am. "-Tid-B Bits.
YOUTH (detiantly)-Mine is no idle
boast. Maid-It isn't like nything
else of yours, then. Detroit Free
Press.
"DD you ever go to Bins, the
tailor?" Yes. Got two suits from
him. One dress suit. One law suit.
Very expensive man."
CLEnK-"Are you going to dis
charge me, them" Druggist-"Ye s;
think we can dispense without
you. Harvard Lampoon.
View a referred to conversation
he had hid with two female ceaf
mutes as II little exercise with the
dumb bellies. Pint adelphia Record.
WIFE-'Don't you believe the gas
meter Il defective in some way"
Husband "It may be. but / notice
that IT is able to Oil the bill every
month"
SHE-"You are awfully young to
be called colonel" Howell,
have been in eighteen engagements
and the girl and l fought in every
one. New York News
EAsTERLy-"I suppose the cyclones
you have out here often lift every
thing right Off OF farm" Westerly
-''Er-yes; everything except the
mortgage. Buffalo Courier.
STANDARDIZATION do you man.
age 10 keep up your mental energy so
well?" Smith Brown-"My wife gives
me p zee of her mind every morn.
Ing before l start to work. Harlem
Life.
ToMMY-"Paw. 1 heard man sa,
that Mr.. Bats was a self-made man.
What Is a self-made mani" Mr..
Tinkle-"A man who knows how to
buy dollars worth of work fer SO
cents"
LOVE in cottage is becoming a
board of health affair. Although
bread has thus far been exempt,
diphtheria bacilli have been found in
the cheese and kisses -Philadelphia
Ledger.
STILLINGFLEET-"W would you
do with tailor who never has your
trousers done at the time he has con-
tracted to deliver them?" Wien
biddle-"Sue him for breeches OF
promise.
The sarcastic girl always says lots
OF brilliant things in the course OF
her career, but she doesn't usually
get married as young as the majority
of her high school classmates do
Somervilie Journal.
MRS. SKELETON what new
dishes have you had since you have
your new cook?" Mrs. Tinkle-"A
whole new dinner set and several ex-
ira pieces besides, and she's only
been here a week"
NURsE-"Luke at the awkward
little rascal! Tryin' to put his tatha
in ring in his eye Fond Mother
at is not awkwardness at all, Mary
Jane; it is instinct. He takes it for
mOnocle. indianapolis Journal.
"KRAUsE will have it that he made
speech Of two hours duration at
the meeting, but zee it only takes
up the space OF half column in the
papers" "Ah; but. you know.
AiduSC oUdiuuuOi .. - IluulOTlSUlCueT
Blaetter.
STUDIoUs BoY-"What is the mean
ing Of market value and 'intrinsi,
valued" Father--"The market val.
ue' is the price you pay for thing;
intrinsic value Is what you get when
you sell 1t To a second-dcaler. It'd
Bits.
AMY remember your friend
Clare married Mr.. Nicotine so lis To
reform him. He was such an intern
perate smoker. How did she sue
ceed?" Joe-"Perfectly. He gave up
tobacco entirely-and took to drink"
-Arkansaw Traveller.
"HoT." he exclaimed. well, /
should say so. And the least exer-
lion wears me all out" And while
his wife toted crying baby around
he wandered downtown and walked
eight miles and forty two laps around
billiard table. Minneapolis Jour
nal
WHEN young man returns from
a picnic and say he had good time,
after rowing boats and pulling lilies
for summer girls, and eating lunch in
pasture with the bugs, it is just as
much lie as though he said he
caught three hundred fish or killed
bear. -Atchison Globe.
HE-"I love you, dearest, and 1
never shall love you one whit less 1t
shall be my purpose as long as live
to make you happy and contented.
Shelves, yes: I've been married be-
fore. Let us come down to something
practical How much are you going
to allow me per week for spending
money!"
IL WONDER IL 1t is necessary to bal
auce books in business?" said Mrs.
Smith, addressing Mrs Jones. Il
don't know; but why do you ask?"
answered the latter lady. II was
thinking II 1t was absolutely neces-
sary they ought to do away with it,
for my husband yer stays down to
bis Office at night to balance his
books but he comes home drunk. -
Now York Press