Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-12-06
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INoS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed 70
Have been Recently Born-ssyings and
Doinss that Are Odd. Curious. and Laugh
sble--Ths Weeks Humor.
Let Us An Laugh.

icle-Telegraph.
Mrs. Houser-What Is stage busi-
ness, anyway, dear? Houser-Er-get-
ting DIVORCES principally, I believe
Buffalo Courier.
-"They tell me Jones Is runnin' for
speaker Of the House?" "You don't
say? When did the old woman diey'-
Atlanta Constitution.
-Yeast-What miserable hand Ba-
con writes. Crimsonbeak-Yes; he
never took lessons. He writes entirely
by ear.-Yonkers Statesman.
-Doctor-You have an excess Of adj
pose tissue, madam. Patient-Good
gracious, doctor, do You suppose that
makes me so fat?-Detroit Free Press.
-Tailor-I hear that you have paid
my rival, while you owe me for two suits.
Student-Who dares accuse me of such
aprepoaterous thing ?--Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
-yisitor-Well, Tommy, what are you
going to be when you grow up? Tom
my-Ma says am going to be just such
another lazy loafer as pa is.-Texas
| Siftings.
Nothing" says Scribbler, "is more
disheartening to a man than the discov-
cry that he has married woman who
loves to keep his writing table in or
der."-Tit-Bits
-Trivet-You knew Charlie Dummit,
didn't you? Dicer-He went West aud
was lynched. us that really SO? Well,
Dummit always was high strung
Harlem Life.
Briggs (emphatically)--I tell you
that fellow Strawber knows the value
Of a dollar. Griggs-You must have
been trying to borrow some money
from him.-Detroit Free Press
-Tom-Why, Bessie, could kiss you
right under your mothers nose. Bes-
sic with dignity)-I should very much
prefer, sir, that you'd kiss me under my
own nose.-Scottish American.
"A Seasonable Excuse.-Mrs. Profess
sor Gealously)-What's this long hair
on your coat, sir? Professor-Oh, that
is-er-oh, have just been coaching q
football eleven, my dear.-Truth.
81 wonder you women never learn
how to get off street car" "Umphi
If we got off the right way it wouldn't
be long before they'd quit stopping the
cars for us.-Buffalo Courier.
-Friend-If your washerwoman
charges by the piece it must be rather
expensive Young Housekeeper-Oh,
no. She loses so many things that her
bills are never high.-New York Week
ly.
Experience Had Taught Him.-Dus-
ty Rhodes-A woman gave me this
quarter and didn't ask what wanted
to do with it. Fitz William-Taste it;
it must be lead.-Kate Fields Washing
ton.
-One thing poor, weak woman can
never understand is why 1t costs a man
$3.50 to win turkey for 10 cents in a
rattle. But women are not presumed
to know everything.-Clevelan PLAIN
Dealer.
-She-But how can you think I'm
pretty when my nose turns up so? He
We'll, all have to say is that it shows
mighty poor taste in backing away
from such a lovely mouth.-London
Standard.
Mr.. Scrimp-My dear, don't see
how you had this counterfeit bill pass
ed on you? Mrs. Scrimp-Well, you
don't let me see enough real money to
enable me to tell the difference.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
-Maude-What is the trouble be-
tween Alice and Kate? Ethel-Why,
You see, Alice asked Kate to tell her
just what she thought Of her. Maude-
Yes? Ethel-Kate told her.-Boston
Transcript.
Rum brought you here, I pre-
sumo" said the prison visitor. THAT'S
what" said Rubberneck Bill. after
THIS when l git out am goin' to stick
towhat l was raised on-gin. "-Indian-
apolis Journal.
-Old Lady-That parrot 1 bought Of
you uses dreadful language. Bird
Dealer-Ah, mum, you should be VERY
careful what you ses afore it; it's aston
ishin' how quick them birds pick up
anythingLTit-Bi Bits.
| S " ho was tudt you just bowed
to? Hulls-Why, that's jerks, the
great fiction writer. Hills-Never
heard OF him. What has he written /?
Hulls-Testimonials for patent medi-
cines.-New York World.
The Future Call.-Miss de Fashion
Ia few years hence)-You are wanted
at the telephone. Mrs. de Fashion.
,Oh, dear! l presume it's Mrs. de Style
to return my telephone call. hope she
won't talk long.-New York Weekly.
Mrs. Benedict-Now, what would
you do. Mr.. De Batch, IL you had a
baby that cried for the morn? De
Batch (grimly)-rd do the next best
thing for him, madam; I'd make him
see stars!-Kate Fields Washington.
MFR. G. ian old friend)-Yes, You
have most beautiful parlor here, but
to have nothing to sit upon but one
chair Is rather original idea, is 1t not
Mrs. Z.-When one has manageable
daughters one must have original
ideas.-Truth.
-Teacher-Tommy, did you find out
anything about the origin of the dollar
mark? TOMMY asked paw about 1t
and he said the straight lines stood for
the pillars of society and the crooked
one for the way they got their money
/ Cincinnati Tribune.
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