The herald., 1894-05-13
MY SUICIDE.
Yes, I have wished to die.

WILL learn Detuef IN Time.
/ was young then-quite young, and
no sooner learned of my misfortune
than determined to end my life. My
first intention was to shoot myself on
her stairway, but I bethought me of the
crowds that would see me there and of
how Henriette--was not that her name?
would ridioule me, SO my amour pro-
pre- came to my rescue.
NO." said to myself, there must
be no excitement, no noise. The wound
ed bird oonceals himself behind tuft
of grass. Thus I wish to die-in some
corner-isolated, lost, forgotten. .
In this elegaac frame of mind took
the 500 train for Melun. 1t deposited
me at dusk, about 100 steps from the
Golden Lion--a we'll kept hotel, with
airy rooms, good beds and an excellent
table.
what does monsieur wish?" asked a
little waitress, whom I have since found
to be very pretty.
Nothing.
Twas not hungry. went to bed. My
sleep was fitful, and every instant
thought saw Viotorine-I believe her
name was Viotorine--pass by on the
arm of my rival
Then struok, out with my fist against
the wall, the iron bedstead or the mar
BILE top tale.
Twas much bruised next morning, but
what mattered it, since l was SO soon to
die?
went in quest of rope had be-
lieyed formerly that, when one wished
to hang oneself, nothing could be easier
than to find a rope. A sad mistake. In
my search / traversed the entire hotel
to no purpose. The little waitress
the one whom / have since found is SO
pretty-demanded Of me:
"But what does monsieur wish to do
with roper"
At last, with length of hemp in my
pocket I left the hotel and made my
way to spot in the woods where had
often been before. found here, behind
an inextricable tangle of foliage, the
same inviting retreat where had once
fingered to dream. There could certain
ly exist no more appropriate spot for
the deed now contemplated.
While walking along / had thought
Of Berthe - possibly her name was
Berthe-and 1 cursed her with all my
soul. Then Iool1oa at my Iope I meas
ured it. tested its strength. 1t was not
the sort of rope 1 wished 1t appeared
to be too short and too large around. I
was vexed. You can scarcely imagine
how an annoyance of this sort may in
fluence ones ideas.
And here was another vexation. Upon
reaching the chosen spot was disagreea-
bly, surprised to find it occupied by an
other A'person, with his back turned
to me, was engaged in fastening rope
to branch above his head-the very
branch which I had selected for my
own.
What are you doing therer" de-
manded of him.
He faced me suddenly.
"What concern of yours is it?' he
asked
'You think perhaps that do not di-
vine your intention" cried.
"And if wish to kill myself that is
altogether my affair. -
kill YOURSELF"
looked at him. He seemed to be an
amiable young fellow, with an open
countensnce, sympathetic eyes and an
interesting pallor.
$50 you wish to kill yourself. " And
suspecting him to be the victim of an
unhappy love affair, I added, about
some worthless womanT'
'tSirr' he cried.
Poor idiotP' thought. Lowers are
all alike-he defends her even yet. +"
The stranger was silent.
Twill you permit me to give you a
bit of advice?" I inquired. Leave your
rope where it ISL had noticed that
it was better than mine-"go home
You will thank me for this after
awhile
He shook his head.
II want to die. ''s
Don't prepare any poignant regrets
for the morrow" / continued, with
sweet insistence. Irepeat what ] have
said After you are buried You will be-
moan your precipitancy, and then twill
be too late.
"You say this because you do not
know what has happened to me-
"Bdt suspect.
'No, you cannot have even suspi-
cion. Oh, sir, woman whom I adored,
for whom
And he told me his story. Incredible
coincidence 1t was absolutely my own
Tmscomparison set me thinking. ''Your
silence shows me your approval, said
Charles. / had just learned his name to
be Charles.
"Not at all, I" cried. did not wish
to appear like a weathercock "There
is nothing in your history which justi-
f1es you in having recourse to the end OF
a rope"
Charles had begun to interest me.
'Tisten, my friend, you are out Of your
reason. Why should you wish to be
treated more kindly than other men
whose sweethearts play them false ev-
cry day."
"But they are not as grossly deceived
as I have been"
81 beg your pardon. "
"No, no."
ooh, yes"
"No."
81 know whereof I speak. And now