The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-03-17
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
His Father Knew -very CAREFUL
A New Name In Doubt -Oppor-
tunity-- Retort Courteous--A
Case in Point, Etc, Etc.
HIS FATHER KNEW.

Teacher-What makes the earth
go round, Tommy?
Tommy-Ilease' father says bad
whisky will do it.-[Raymond :
Monthly.
VERY Careful.
Father (to son, who is leaning over
gallery railing): Take care, Johnny,
and don't fall. It'll cost you dollar
more in the orchestra. - Halo.
NEW NAME.
He (coyly)-I have my suspicious
about you.
She (sensibly)-That' : the first time
/ ever heard arms called "suspic-
ions. = Raymond's Monthly.
IN DOUBT.
whats the matter, Tom?"
"I' m i'm trouble. | don't know
young and become an angel or wait
an grow up TO be IL man an have Il
mustache and side whskers p Life.
OPPORTUNITY.
Flora-I have just found dollar
and am hesitating whether to give it
TO the Missionary Society or buy
some ribbon for dear little Fido.
Frank-Ah, see; undecided
whether to point moral or adorn
tail. - Truth.
THE RETORT COURTEOUS.
FIRST Man (to man who has just
bumped against hm)-"Blithering
IDIOT"
Second Man; And my name is
Jones. - Halo.
CASE II POINT.
He-Do you think woman can be
bought with money?
Shc-I do not. Look at Mary
Jones. Mr.. Ilarduppc offered her
81 600, all he had, TO marry him, and
she refused and married Mr.. Rox the
millionaire, for love.-[New York
Press.
THE ACTION SUITED TO TIE WORD.
II fee" " said the young man, with
enthusiasm, AS if a great career were
were fairly yawning for me-"
PLEASE excuse me, Mr.. Spoon
amorc, replied the artless young
woman behind her fan, but that
word is just as catching, you know,
as if you had yawncd yourself. -
[Chicago Tribune.
IMPOSSIBLE.
Spatts-I'm very sorry for that
boy. Your scolding cut him to the
quick.
BlooJumper-That's impossible
He has no quick. He's a messenger
boy. Truth.
MUCH DRAWN.
FIRST Artist-Your model seems ia
tigued. Her features are very much
drawn.
Second Artist-Ies, they are. I've
drawn them ut least twenty times,
trying to get Il good Portrait Bos-
ton Traveller.
INGENIOUS IDEA.
Dusty Rhodes-It is quite a low
temperature when your uncle gets
belated
FitZ William-What' up now
Dusty Rhodes-Nothing, only I've
entered i'm about dozen champion
quail-eating contcsts.-LNew York
World.
IT WOULD HARDLY DO.
First Quack-lIere is Il letter it
would hardly do for us to publish.
A man writes: II have Just taken
the first bottle Of your medicine
Second Quack-Well?
First Quack-There il breaks off
short and is signed in another hand
writing, per executor. - Tidbits.
NO TINE TO LOSE.
Cleverton-Miss Twlling rejected
me the other night, but she let me
kiss her before we parted.
Dashaway (rcAecting)-l guess I'll
go around tonight and propose my
self Judge.
MAKING THOROUGH WORK OF 1T.
My son" said Mr.. Spriggins,
proudly, lis Il very thorough young
man. He amt goin to go through
college like most boys does. He just
wrote home that he's goin' to take
his freshman year over agin, SO there
won't he ma question about his know
in what he oughter know - Har-
per's Bazar.
EMBLEMATIC.
An urchin with "A puzzled look
Unto his father said,
"Why is it, upon all the coins
They stamp woman : head?"
The father thought a moment, then
He gave him this reply:
My child, they say that money
talks.
think that must he why
Judge.