The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-04-24

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Zeke Thinks Coxey's Army the Place for
All OMce-Seekers-Capt. Ashe, Col.
Kingsbury and DR.. Caldwell.
B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R.-"Hellol Ezekiel. How are you
this morning9"
BIN only tolerable. My rumy-
tizum hes bin tryin' my faith fer sum
days. Betsy ses it il the ohis-seekin'
fever in my bones that hes put my
blood outen fix. I can't wink my eye
without that woman of mine accusln'
me of bein' an ofiis-seeker, or havln'
perIitikal asperashuns, or sumptin'.
She ecu me ov everything except
bein' a Christian. I'll bet she will be
CALM me an infdel before the next
election"
R.-"Why do you think so7"
B.-"OhI just bekase I sed l didn't
believe Populists hev emmy souls. I
don't believe there is emmy hereafter
fer them"
R.-"You get such doctrine as that
from editors like Capt. Ashe, Col.
Kingsbury and DR.. Caldwell. Their
party has strayed so far from the path
of virtue that they have no defense to
make, no excuse to offer, SO they
seek to inculcate the doctrine that
Populists have no hope for the future.
They do this to keep their followers in
line. Later on they will go so far as
to declare that Populists are doomed
to eternal and everlasting punish
ment, and thereby explode their own
theories"
B.-"Say, I don't wanter hear emmy
ov your wildcat, paternalistick talk
erbout the hereafter. / wan ter know
awl erbout Coxey's Army. l seed in
the papers that the Senators an Con
gressmen are gittin' nifty nervous like.
They are afraid that Coxey's men will
lynch them. If they do Governor
Carr will hev ter appint sum more.
Now l wanter know if me an Major
Robbins an Walter Henry won't stan
a purity guide show ter git ina l don't
like ter stan GROUND waitin' on dead
mems shoes, but / tell you it will be a
blessin' in disgize fer me an the other
patriots who kant git no offs fer
Coxey's men ter clean out the Augine
stables at Washington"
R.-"Holy Mosesl Why you are
bloodthirsty. You are a murderer, at
heart. You actually want the Sena
tors and Congressman lynched so you
can get an Office"
B.-"Well, haint all fair in love an
WARE You see I'm dead in love with
an offs an if Coxey will make war on
Congress I'll git the offs. See8 I'll
tell you a lots ov US polerticians whut
amt got ter the pie / ounter ylt are just
waitin' an secretly hopin' Coxey will
do up sum ov them fellers whut are
holdin' offs"
R-"You have politician in your
party who is not an Office seeker7"
B.-"Who is that9 He is traitor
Show me who it is an I'll denounce
him as the vilest traitor on earth"
RI refer to Senator Jarvis. In
his letter accepting the appointment
he says: This position comes to me
unsought."
B.-"Go away Jarvis didn't say
that, did he7"
R-"He did say it."
B.-"Great Jerusha! Where are we
at7 Wasn't Mr.. Jarvis in Raleigh
every mint of the time after he got
back frum Senator Vance's funeral7
No cat ever watched a bird closer when
charmin' it than Jarvis did that Sena-
torship. Ill bat he slept with one eye
open an the room door open so Major
Telfair wouldn't hev ter knock when
he Gun with the guide news. When he
wuz goin' Ground with the candidate
fer Governor two years ago with a
bottle of parragorick in hiz pocket, he
wuz seekin' whatever he might devour.
Jarvis can't fule me. I know him too
well. He is one ov us. Good bye"
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