Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-07-23
JUST FOR FUN.

The stuff of which heroes are made
Wood pulp and printers ink.
The man with only one idea is much
more dangerous than the man without
any ideas at all.
When a boy washes his face without
being told, his mother thinks there is
something the matter with him.
If woman wants a welcome when
she gets home she should leave her
husband with the baby.
Priscilla-Don't you wish you were
old Van Bullion's wife? Prunella-No:
but I wish I was his widow.
Lady (picking up an apple and bit
ing it)-Are these eating apples? Deal
er-No, marin; but you are.
Little Harrie = Papa, is the tariff
bill counterfeit, Papa-No. Little
Rarrie-Then why can't they pass it?
A little boy was asked what the
Sunday school text was. He answer
ed, "Many are cold, but few are froz
en-
"Patrick, you haven't given fresh
water to the gold fish, ''No, miss,
they amt drunk wot they had al
ready"
'sDid Maud tell you the truth when
you asked her her age?" Yes"
sWhat did she say?" ''She said it was
none Of my business
New boarder (to his neighbor) is
this what they call spring chicken
here? Old boarder: Yes, it probably
gets its name on account of its elactic
ity.
Mistress-Did you manage to find
the basket Of eggs that was on the
floor, Kate? Scranton, yis, mum,
-aisily. Oh stepped in it,"
A school boy was asked how many
wars Spain had in the fifteenth centu-
ry. "six," the boy promptly replied.
"Enumerate them," said the teach
err. 81, 2, 8, 4, 5, 90 said the boy.
"Women's suffrage?" said Mrs. Hol-
lersnag; "not any fer me, eff you
please.'' "Why not?' because hev
ter wait on Josiar enough ez it is
vOtin' fer him.
'tDear mel" cried the nurse, "the
baby has swallowed my railroad tick
ct. What shall do?'' GO and buy
another right away" returned the
mother. "pm not going to have the
baby punched
Mother-How did you like that lit
tie girl you got acquainted with? Lit
tie Dot didn't like her bit. She's
Just horrid! She talked so much about
her dolls that didn't get chance to
talk about my dolls.
McFadden-Faith, and why do yer
charge me twenty five cents for
haircut, when yer sign says, First
class haircut for fifteen cents? French
Barber-Ah, but, monsieur, your hair
ez not first class.
Mrs. T. S. Hawkins, Chattanooga, Tenn.
says: "Shiloh's ,vitalizer saved my life. [
consider it the best remedy for q debilitated
syste N L ever used.' For Dyspepsia, Liver
or Kidney trouble it eXcelS. Price s. cts.
II don't know whether l like those
pictures or not" said the young wo
man. "They seem rather indistinct"
"But you must remember, madam"
said the willy photographer, "that
your face is not at all plain"
A mendicant approached benevo
lent-looking old gentleman the other
day, and said, "Dear sir, I have lost
my Leg" to which the benevolent
looking gentleman replied, as he hur-
ried away, "My dear friend L am very
sorry; but I have not seen any thing
of it.'
To permanently cure consti ation, bilious
ness, indigestion dyspepsia, use DIR.
Pierces Pleasant Pellets.
"The trouble with this world, Rag
sy,' said Walker, the tramp, ''is just
here. In Central America bananas
grow wild, but there amt no markit
for 'em. Up here where there's mar
kit for 'em they don't grow wild. What
nacher wants to do to help the work
in man is to have things grow wild
where there's markit for them
things.''