The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1894-12-12
Make immortality Profitable.
fGreenyiile News.

History and legislation both repeat
themselves. The member of the pres
ent House of Representatives of this
State who has Introduced bill to make
profane swearing mlsdemeanor PROB
ably does not know that very much the
same till was introduced by some pre-
decessor-possibly an ancestor-of his
about a hundred years ago and that 1t
was selemnly enacted into law and IS
now on the statute books. 1t imposes
fine of, we forget how much. Tor pro-
fame swearing in any public place and
an extra pecuniary touch for doing 1t
within the hearing of magistrate or
officer Of the peace. If that law had
been enforced Governor Tillman would
probably have been unable to buy MS
new $500 plantation. Possibly the
bill has been withheld, in consideration
for him, until there is fair prospect
that he will be able to do bis acts IN
scientific blasphemy outside the State.
The bill to make intoxication mis-
demeanor, offered by the same legis-
Iator-Mr. Bnrn of Darlington-ap-
uaars to be blow at the diSpersary.
The aost obvious objection We see to
it is the difficulty Of defining intoxl-
cation. We have observed that the
average citizen will deny bitterly the
charge of inebriation while lie Can ar
ticulate at all, and that even when he
has reached the last stage OF all that
marks the strange, eventful history of
his isg, apd has collapsed utterly and
been borne to the bourne from which
no traveller returns, in Greenville, in
less than twenty days without without
the payment of SO he will represent
to the mayor next morning that be Is
subject 10 fits or has falling sickness
or was overcome by the heat or cold or
81 me mysterious affection entirely un-
| connected with alcoholic beverages
Disiuterested witnesses put or he
stand under oath vary much in their
estimates of intoxication. HE had
| been drinking sone," "he was drink
ing but couldn't say he was drunk" !"
! "he rnout been leetls tight, are the
usual descriptive form ulas when ,ques-
Sions are asked on that delicate subject.
If the bill becomes law we will prob
ably have ohave official experts on
profanity aud iutoXication and there
by provide a new lot of salaries or
| feed places for friends Of the rug.
Then we will be required to send for the
drunk expert in case of drunk, as
! for the coroner in a case Of sudden
death, and take his solemn, official
opinion as to whether it is matter of
drunk absolute, of tightness quite, of
intoxicatlon relative, active, passive or
positive, inebriatiou plain and simple
,;th rir M m.
ings. And as to the profanity we will
require definitions. We will need in
structions rs to whether plain, ordi-
nary, commonplace, American damn"
may 60 uncondemned, aud if so, what
frii!s may legally be attached to it; like
wise regarding what references msy
legally be made 10 the hot hereafter
and the ruler thereof-whether if t.
tell citizen to 60 to HI subjects the
teller to fine of $50 or imprisonment
in the common goal not less than thirty
or more than ninety days at the discre-
of the presiding judge, the exclam ma
tiou-derisive, despairing or otherwise
-"Oh.Hadesn' would require the inter-
vention of the solicitor.
AS we have State machine for the
sale of LIQUID Gamnation from single \
to three X we might play the string
right through and organizes State dis
pensary for "damns," giving the Gov
eruer and board of control monopoly
of their use with the privilege of ped
ding them out-a plain "damn," say,
for ten cents and three X damn for
quarter, with penalties for using them
without authority OF law. If we are to
have State sales of one foIm of i'm
morality why not have them IN all?
The board of control OF profanity could
probably rival the board of control OF
insanity in making quarterly reports
showing enormous profits, all in "stock
on hand" and amounts due from dis
pensers."