Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1894-05-24

NOilul' Div W HdUy lOI DOUu!-ItdllO.
ONE OF THE GIRLs--So you are
welded to music? He-Oh, dear, no!
am too much in love with it fol
that Life.
If you desire to see o blue blood,
hunt him up early in the morning
after he has been out all night. -
Dallas News.
TIE wag who spends his days trad
ing jokes at the expense of other
people must expect some boot. Gal.
weston News.
BEING asked the name of the
worlds greatest composer, a smart
university young man said, "Chloro-
form. "-Siftings,
Mrs. Swell, here we are in
another clearinghouse. We are reg
ular Arabs" Mr.. S.-&Yes; folding
Bcd-ouins"-Life.
BoRELEY-"See old Snobson's wife
in Box X putting on airs?" Snorely
Pm glad to see that she has put on
Somethlng."-Ha
A PITTsBURG editor says: "Hus-
bands are not made to order" Wen
bet he can't convince most wives they
are not.-TeXas Siftings.
MAUD-"A horse race always en-
cites me, Pm almost in tears at every
finish" Dan--"Why, ! thought you
won oCcasionally"-Gotham.
EXPLAINED. Agnes 81 wonder
what is pulling those trolley cars?"
B'Jones-"Why? Have you never
heard Of wirepulling?"-Hallo.
AMY-"Jack, I hear that you are
out a great deal of nights now. F"
Jack-"Oh, no. I'm seldom out more
than $40. "-Pittsburg Bulletin.
JOY seldom kills pusson, but
there are thousand Nv pussons who
are tryin' tew squeeze the life eout
Nv joy ev'ry minute NV th're lives
Boston Courier.
"MINE is indeed hard life," sigh
cd the osslfled man, with an envious
glance at the fat woman, who seemed
to be having such a soft time of it. -
Buffalo Courier.
DoMEsTIC-"Ooo! 600. 600, l saw
ghost on the back stairs I'm sure
l did! 1t was a woman" Mistress
Horrors How was it dressed?"-
New York Weekly,
Mr.. GUsHER "a self-satisfed bore)
I can tell just what people are
thinking Of me. Miss Pert-Indeed!
How very unpleasant it must be for
you!-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. BRIsE (at the musicale)-"Oh,
Mrs. Mutt, | had so much to say to
you, and the pianist is through"
Mrs. Nuit-"Im just dying to hear it.
Let's encore him. Puck.
HE-"They met at the seaside.
Then commenced an acquaintance
that would soon have ripened into
love. But" She-"But what?" He
married. Vogue.
AN Irish lawyer said to witness:
"You're a nice fellow, amt you?"
Witness replied: 81 am, sir; ana if l
was not on my oath I'd say the same
OF you. Oakland Enquirer
"Ir isn't the trouble man has in
meeting his bills that gives him
careworn look" says a philosopher,
ut is the trouble he has in lodging
them. "-Philadelphia Record.
TEACHER-"Now, remember, that
in order to become a proficient vocal
ist you must have patience. Miss
Flipkins-"Yes; and so must the
Washington Star.
"WHY did Priscilla Waldo break
her engagement with Johnny Lake
side?" "Johnny wrote a rhyme for
the Taller in which he rhymed Hope
with Penelope. "-Harper's Bazaar.
~ WONDER why Jennie Barrows
broke her engagement with Bob Dali
lard?" "No wonder in that. Lent
Is tv and Jennie took him only as
a Ienance. "-Philadelphia Ledger.
"YoU sly you have been in Kansas
City. suppose the place was built
almost wholly on bluffs. 81 guess it
was. There seemed to be blamed
little money around. Buffalo Cour-
Ter.
81 HEAR your son has become an
actor; how is he getting on?" "Very
well indeed. He began as a corpse,
and now he has already advanced to
the role of a ghost. "-Fliegende
Blaetter.
Mrs. CALLAHAN-I want to get a
pair of shoes for the little boy.
kid? Mrs. G. lin
notI He's my
own son-born an bred near Tam
many Hall.-Harlem Life.
MRS FIGG-What is the reason | |
never see you playing with Jimmy
Briggs any more? Tommy-He amt |
got no respect for fashions. He wants
TO be playin' marbles in top-spinnin' |
lime. indianapolis Journal.
PEGG - Sometimes the absolute |
faith my boy has in my wisdom makes |
ne almost ashamed of myself. Potts
You need not worry. 1t will aver.
lge up all right. BY The time he is
20 he will think you know nothing |