Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-06-03

am again whom. no goat ever o""a.N"
a more unpalatable mass OF paper thai
did when l worried down those 6i9 pages
OF Madame Sarah Grand's now celebrated
production. OF course it's presumptuous
in me-the humble would-be Josh Bill
ines and poet-laureate OF Penitentiary
Bottom-to raise my unpretentious croak
against q work so universally commented
upon, but this Is an era Of privileges,
ard. as some one has said, or ought 10
have said, even a blue-bOttle fly can bite
the nose Of a king nowadays. Amy bOoK
that countenances a woman in pants Is
going TO meet my disapprobation. l draw
the line-a deep red line-at this infringe
ment on mans rights. Our cook IS con
stantly purloinng my patent-leather
shoes and my galoshes, and If the breach
separating feminlnity from breeches ls
healed, then what shall L wear? Pretty
soon my lifetime helpmate will be using
my pipe and making me take down her
letters on the typewriter. All or Which
has nothing 10 do with The HeaVehly
Twins" save that the novel Is essentially
a woman s-rights book. with few atec-
Tomato slaps at religion, manAlhu' anu
tight corsets.
The name of the work, like pretty
other words, the twins were helllsh' ana
not heavenly For pure, unadulterated'
uamitigated and unmistakable 'cussed-
ness" these two young, all-rouhd
athletes In iniquity surpassed anything
I've ever heard or Here is an extract
from n conversation in the book. which
is used on the title-page as sample
OF the work:
'oThey call us the Heavenly Twins"
"What, signs Of the Zodiac?" SAID the
Tenor.
''No; signs Of the times" said the boy.
One OF the fiends was a boy, and the
otiier, not being a boy, was necessarily
a girl. The male demons name was
Theodore, but he was affectionately called
Diavolo. while the female imp was de-
slenated as Angelica. These two young
stcrs were the offshOOts Of an aristOcratic
Fpglish family, and the scene IS mostly
laid In rural England. Long before the
twins could talk distinctly the authoress
gave them the power TO converse with
a degree Of cleverness despite the fact
that they made life a misery T. their
teachers which would have put a
ptflosOuNAr or 4 college professor 10 the
blush. All sorts Of brilliant epigram-
uatic remarks fell from their lips, though
the Juvenile "smErt Alecks' generally
-yc'od their y''tlciams aat rIetociouS
utterances TO abuse Of the clergy. or
TO arguments in favor Of woman's rights.
They vilihed their parents aud relatives
in manner which would have justified
the splinterng OF a barrel-stave on their
hides and performed tricks which would
have warranted n jury I'm rendering A
verdict Of "ustihablc infanticide" had
any one been tried for numbering them
Here is an anthem the imps once sang:
"Papa-papa-pa says-that We
that we-that We are little devils! and
50 we are-we are-we are. and ever
shall be-world without end"
Il am Il chip" Diavolo thrilled, ex-
qulsitely; 81 am chip"
Thou are n chip-thou are chip"
Angelica responded
I'VE are both chips" they concluded
tremendously; Chips OF the Old-Oli
block And as It was in the beginning.
Is now. and ever shall be, world without
end. Amen"
The Heavenly twins, after doing every
thing deyilish that two little fends could
possibly do. were, through the charity
Of the authoress, allowed 10 grow up.
All along they had been fond Of each
other. though they generally demon
stratcl their affection by barking the
skin off each others shins and by kick
ing holes through one another when they
failed to agree. DiavOlo went into the
army, where. ! hope, he was killed.
while Angelica married n man twice as
old as she was. She proposed to the cd
duffer herself, saying she would marry
him provided he let her do as she pleased.
and he. like n chump, accepted the pro-
position In the course OF the story, a
IL, Is.vt t.I.r..rF n ~
the highest morality, is introduced. and
Angelica. who took Il great fancy to him,
made il n habit to visit him al night
I'm boys clothes The poor chap didn't
know the boy was girl. and went along
talking about everyday matters In bliss
ful-or, perhaps. painful-ignorance An
gelica was not in love with the tenor
she was too confOunded mean and con-
temptibe TO be in love with anybody
and he. for his part, never found out
the sex OF his companion until just a
short time before he died. He was one OF
the few good, decent characters OF the
book, so there wasn't anything left for
him 10 do except 10 die. The authoress
doesn't furnish as good a description OF
Angelica in boys clothes as | would like
to have seen. / don't know whether she
wore Knickerbocker trousers or plain
tlNtuoul0 ROCKS, DuI dl any idNC itNi
disguise was most excellent one. end
II she hadn't tumbled into the water on
| one occasion and been kindly rescued by
the tenor, he never would have known
that the boy was a girl.
The Heavenly Twins" are not the only
| persons whose "cussedness' Is described
| in the book. Taken altogether, the char
acters Of the story We're the meanest set
| OF white folks ever gotten together out
| side of a pententiary. The real heroine
| Of the novel was Evadne Frayling. a
pretty, intellectual. and mulish girl
| much given TO moods and scientific re-
search. Evadne had her ideas about GER
tain things. and one might just as soor
have thought about moving a pyramid
as of making her change her opinion
She used TO argue that there was nc
reason on earth why a woman shouldn't
| be allowed TO indulge In all the excesses
which are pardoned in a man. or rather
she thought that II they could be wlnked
| at in the stronger sex they should like
wise be condoned in the weaker Hel
| life. despite her whims and ideas, was
| pure and lofty-in fact, she was too good
| for this earth. Evadne, when quite young
| married Colonel Colquhoun, with whom
she was much In love. Just as they were
starting on their wedding tower" with
their backs doubtless filed with rice, and
n sheepish look on their faces, some one
handed her a letter. which stated thai
the bridegroom had been zone Of th'
boys" in his early days. and that his pas
| record couldn't be used as a Sunday
school criterion for budding Juveniles
Evadne didn't have to perform any feats
| in mental arithmetic to find out what "a
do She just laid back in the cab, anC
said nothing. When they got to the sta
ton she sent the old fellow on some er.
rand. and then gave him the slip When
! he came back, his bride. rice, and al
were gone. and realizing that he woulc
| have 10 take the 'tower" 'all by hi.
lonesome" he checked his baggage bacI
TO his father-in-law's house and returned
thereto with would-like-to- bite-a-nai
expression on his face, and dark-browr
feeling that made him as dangerous a.
a family watchdog.
Evadns. on shaking hss Hsxly-ssauirsa