davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

The Pardee company has filed its bond in
the sum of S25, 900 to duplicate the electric
arc lights for which the city is now paying
SITS and $40 per annum for the sum of SIP
a year per lamp, conditioned, of course, that
the city shall give the company the right
of way over it's streets for whatever wires
are necessary to carry out the contract. We
shall presently see whether the council in
tends to give the taxpayers the benefit of
cheaper light and more of it.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

While the mercury has been lowering
around the zero notch in New York, Gotham
ice dealers have been lamenting what a bad
season the present has been for ice. They
say that the freeze came so late that the
crop will have to be harvested with the ut
most haste and consequently at a greater ex-
pense than usual. 1t is an extraordinarily
cold day when the ice men can't discover
som plausible pretext upon which to build a
high price for ice.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Some h~eaven-born genius will arise In this
country one of these days with a device to
car windows. Such "A co%ntriyance ought
not to puzzle the inventors very long, but
been patented the street car companies, with
their usual frugality whore public comfort
Is concerned, nave failed to avail them
selves OF II. on the steam railroads the
windows are under control, They are so
constructed that they are practically noise
less, On the street cars, as every one
knows, conversation Is rendered impossible
and life is made a burden by the continual,
dcafening rattle OF the windows, whether
they are up or down. The public awaits
with anxiety the advent Of the benefactor
who Will stop the row.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04
yERBiL

Galveston News: one sometimes finds IL
out what his better Judgment is.
plaindcaler: ~ have an ambition said
the country congressman, to make my
presence felt by my absence"
Boston transcripts: Mary-Do you believe
1t possible for a girl TO be so homely as to
stop q clock? jane don't know. You
can easily find out, however.
Halo: Chicago Girl-Under the clrcum-
stances, what would YOU do If you were in
my shoes? st. Louis Girl-Get lost.
New Orleans picuyune: More than words
are needed to express a welcome. 1t is the
heartfelt gladness of the dog that tells the
tail.
Life: Judge-Do YOU know anything fa-
vorable about the prisoner? Witness-He
ran away wild me ould woman, yeraner.
Buffalo Courier: The rattle isn't flourish
ing to a very great extent this winter.
Times are too hard for the people to take
many chances.
Strings: Somehow n man feels much
worse the day after he has lost an hours
sleep on account of the baby than he does
the day after he has lost five hours sleep at
the club.
Lowell Courier: ut is all very well for
the minister to preach from the text, Re
member Lots Wife, " said an overworked.
discouraged matron, but l wish he would
now give us an encouraging sermon upon
the wife's lot"
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

The ruling of the Michigan supreme court
on the jag cure" law of that state is in
accord with common sense. The law pro-
vided tina justices might, at their discre-
tion, sentence disorderly drunken men to
take the gold" or similar cure" after
which they were permitted to go free at
the pleasure of the medical institutions.
This practically gave the authority over
criminals into the hands of unofficial per-
sons and opened the way to fraud and
abuse OF the law. Whatever may be the
merits of the various cures for the whisky
habit, the forcible application of the rene
dies under the conditions named is not to
No pppnp,anIal
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Every one is glad to hear of the GONZALES
cence of Chairman Wilson. The country
would regret having any one work himself
TO death in its behalf, even though laboring
under the mistaken idea that the Wilson
tariff bill is necessary to it's prosperity.
The assured recovery of Mr., Wilson restores
hope that he may yet be won over to a
more popular financial policy than his own.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

The exorbltant prices which the city has
been paying for electric lighting cannot be
exacted much longer. The city engineers
report shows that Omaha is as well located
for the economical generation of steam
power as almost any other city in the coun-
try. Omaha should have its lights at as rea-
sonable rates as other places.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

II Omaha can't have the main Indian sup
ply depot she will have to be satisfied with a
branch of the Chicago station. Let us get
the branch station now, and before long the
branch will have outgrown the tree, so that
the whole work of distributing Indian sup
plies will be conferred here. A branch
depot will be far better than no depot at all.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

The free silver men in congress assert
that they are not surprised at the official an
nouncement that England is not in favor Of
the reassembling of the international mone-
tary conference. There is no particular rea-
son why they should be surprised. They
doubtless feel gratihed at the result because
an international agreement would hardly
serve their purpose for the coming campaign.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

By engaging ex-President Harrison to de-
liver a course of lectures before its students
upon the subject of international law, the
management of the Leland Stanford, jr., uni
versity certainly drove a shrewd bargain,
even If they had nothing but the expected ad-
vertising to be gained in view. AS an adver-
tlsement tho new school teacher is pre-
eminently a success.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Do we have to have a woman's congress
for improved dress? Is the only purpose of
a woman in cladding herself in outlandish at
tire to attract the attention and comment of
her sisters? If any woman wants to i'm
prove her dress let her set about at once
to do so. She ought to be able to accom-
plish her object without the assistance of a
whole congress.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

The New York Herald is still crying for
the proposed popular loan by which the gov
eminent of the United States may be made
the custodian of the savings of the people.
We may expect to hear the Herald calling
for the popular loan when Gabriel blows his
horn-"in the morning."
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04
MEASURE ron MEASURE
That the beat Is Always the Cheapest Is
Proven hN EIgmrcs.

Proven by Figures.
The Bee has made a compilation OF the
amount Of matter printed the past week
by the three leading papers os
Nebraska-The Bee, the Wo.'d-itcr1ld
and the Lincoln Jourual-exclusiyo OF cons
mercial news and advertisements Even
were tho columns OF these papers Of the
same width and length, and were tho mat,
ter printed in the same type, the patrons Of
The Bee would have a great advantage.
In the table below is given the actual
measurement of the matter In the three
papers by columns and in the last line Is
presented a statement Of how the papers
compared when measured by the standard
columns Of The Bee. 1t is easy to see that
the best is the cheapest. The figures are as
follows:
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

. What an opportunity the present cabinet
changes in England give to Labby to scream!
If a new premier is selected from among the
peers it won't be his fault that he is not duly
warned of the prospective danger that awaits
him when he shall have assumed office.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Mr.. Gladstone refuses to accept an offer of
elevation to the peerage. The grand old
man" is all the title that he covets, and it is
one that confers more lustre on his name
than any peerage within the gift of the Brit
fish sovereign.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

The last explosion of Judge Scott has af-
forded another opportunity for eastern papers
to give Omaha a black eye. The Phila-
delphia Ledger quotes Judge SCOTS last
harangue from the bench and moralizes over
Omaha's depravity.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04
start the
nspfIIe Cotufer-Journa

President Eliot's timely protest against
ity of, college athletics is awaking favora-
BILE responses throughout the country. Now
of a much-needed reform in this direction.
The average man has enough of the brute
In him without educating" it's development
at the expense of everything else.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04
DAYS or WEEK.


Every state legislature in the union should
pass n bin to punish hHziug. Not until the
state does n lttlc haZing on its Own account
will the merry maudlin college student give
UP this highly humorous practice.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04
Titled Interiors without Rights.

Colonna, late husband of Mrs. Mackay's
adopted daughters sl75, 900 a year, wants to
fight n duel with some New York editor
who has been telling the truth about him.
The New York editor will probably decline,
as a gentleman is not obliged, under the
code, to meet his inferior on the field of
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Governor Waite of Colorado is to be dis
appointed in the banquet which the populist
members of the legislature promised him and
which has been postponed indefinitely.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Ex-Speaker Grow was admitted as a NOM
Der of congress without waiting for the ar
rival of his credentials. A majority of nearly
100, 900 is credentials enough for the most
e~xacting congress.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04
summer.

The latest effort to help the poor is to fur
nish a funeral to deserving applicants at cost
price. The deserving applicants in this case
are the survivors,, not the corpse.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

1t is not quite safe to count on the final
disappearance of winter to have taken place.
1t takes more than one swallow to make a
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04
Deserves Two Salaries.

1t has been authoritatively decided that
General Sickles is entitled to draw two
salaries, one as a retired officer and one as
IA member of congress. And the one-legged
old veteran Is not receiving a cent more
than he deserves.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04
WATCH OUT.

When spring with music fills the valeI
And every poets soul,
And violetS seem to scent the gales
Just keep ahead on coal!
And when the birds are primped for SONG
And clouds DER roses roll;
Before the blizzard comes along,
Just keep ahead on coal!
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

The first year in the second reign of Gro
yer the Only closes today and Lord Morton
still In the cabinet.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

George y. Tzschuck, secretary OF The Bee
company, being duly sworn, says
that the actual number OF full and complete
copies OF The Daily Morning. Evening and sun
day bee printed during the month Of February,
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Buffalo Courier: The rattle isn't flourish
ing to a very great extent this winter.
Times are too hard for the people to take
many chances.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Life: Judge-Do YOU know anything IA
voTable about the prisoner? Witness-lIe
ran away wild me ould woman, yeraner
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

Halo: Chicago Girl-Under the circum-
my shoes? ST. Louis Glrl-Get lost.
Omaha daily bee., 1894-03-04

New Orleans PicHyune: More than words
are needed to express a welcome. 1t is the
heartfelt gladness of the dog that tells the
tail.
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09

earth and was the biggest thing On top OF
it. We were there a week seeing all the
representatives and senators and cabinet
officers and shaking hands with the presi-
dent. In three days she suddenly took no
ticc that l was knee sprung and baldhead-
ed. When we started for home, she said
tina a man who owned a sawmill didn't
amount to much. We hadn't been home
a week when she objected to paper win
dow curtains, and before the month was
out she had u away with the agent of 9
corn planter. So your wife still sticks?"
Yes"
"Well, keep an eye on her. She's prob
ably waiting for a chance to run away
with the man who enters the den of per
forming hyenas, Washington will spoil
the best woman on earth. Seeing great
ness once, they will always sigh for it aft,
erWarI."
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09
Going In For Style.

/ sat on the yeranda of the village tav-
ern reading a newspaper when a colored
man came up the steps, hat in hand, and
when l looked up he said:
BOSS, I'Zc cOllectin fur de church Our
church got blowed down by de sighclone,
an we want TO build it up again"
l gave him a quarter, and it wasn't 20
minutes before a second man came along
and asked for a similar donation. | gave
him the same amount, and he was hardly
out of sight when No. 3 showed up.
But I've given to two churches al
ready" l explained. There couldn't
nave been three churches wrecked by a
cyclone"
decd, but there was, sah!" he re.
piled. Dat sighclone jest blowed free
churches all to smash"
Blu only thrCe?"
"OnIy free, sab"
l gave him a quarter, and 10 minutes
later a fourth man assembled the steps and
said he was collecting for a church.
WAS this church building destroyed?'
1 asked.
Yes, sah-knocked all to pieces"
"But l have it that the cyclone only de-
stroycd three"
,'Dat's all, sab. I'ze no sighclone col,
RECTOR, lIhG ucul OuucI puSSOlI9' Dluil I IN
wind cum along m blow our church ODER,
same as a mule she'd
Then what happened it,"
"Why, sab, I has de ~extinguished hon,
or to disform yO' dat our church had dc
p~omposity to be struck by one of de most
'ristocratic thunderbOlts ebcr seen in dis
locality an was smashed to sq'ash in dc
twinklin Of an eye. Vas, sab, an de same
bolt had de prCmcditated fccility to strike
de hogpcn of de richest man in town door
in de same cmOshunal conflict of de elc.
mCnts.
1t was worth SO cents, and l gave it tc
him. NJ QUAD.
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09
DUNDER'S ALMANAC,
ne INTERVIEWS THE SERGEANT
ABOUT SOME MORE JOKES.

And the Mere Mention Gives Him q Fit Of
Laughter-H He Describes the Effect of the
Jokes on the Butcher and the Old
Woman
Copyright, 1894, by Charles Z. Lcwis.7
Sergeant, I vhas come down to sec
aboudt some more SMOKES for my alma
nae, said Carl Dunder as he entered the
police station in high good humor the
other day.
"Oh, L See replied the sergeant as he
looked up. ''What almanac do you refer
to, Mr.. Dunder?"
Why, to my almanac-'Carl Dunder's
Almanac'-Of course. She vhas two hoon-
cred pages und all comic except der sad
pieces und advertisements. She vhas sell
ing Oh like hot cakes. Ha, ha, ha,'
hat are you laughing at, Mr.. Dun
dcr?'
AT dose SMOKES in my almanac. Ha,
ha, ha! Oxcuse me, sergeant, but l vhas
a great hand for fun. If I read a shokc,
he pleascs me"
"Thcn there are jokes in your almanac,
Mr.. Dundcr?' solemnly qucriod the ser
gcant.
"Can'tI make you understand, sergeant:
l haf got Oudt some almanac. She vhas
weekly. She vhas comic und sad. She
hat some advertisements. l told you all
aboudt her twice times oafer. Didn't |
come down here last week und read you
some SMOKES? Say, scrgeant'-
''Wcll?"
please excuse me. like to sit down
und laugh, und den I read you some Of
my shOkes."
The sergeant turned around, with MS
face to the wall, and for two minutes Mr..
Dunder slapped his legs and elevated his
feet and gurglcd as if he had a hens foot
in his mouth. Then he gradually recovered
from his emotion and arose and pulled a
cOp of his almanac from his pocket and
read;
why vhas an elephant like my frendt
Mr.. Schmidt? Because he vhas in der
trunk pecsness, from 81 oop to $25, und
all warranted.
'Nhat has dot dccfcrcnce between an
angel und Il cow? Why, II has wings,
II der ouder one has horns, Of course.
"Nhy vhas a clam on der scashOre like
a lost child on der prairie? Because some
one Will come along ind find him.
"Scrgcant-ha, ha, ha!-hOw docs dose
SMOKES hit your ribs:' laughed Mr.. Dun
der as he looked over the desk.
Are they jokcs?" asked the officer as
he dipped the end of a match in his ink
bottle in place of his pen.
"Nhcll, l should rcmark! My son
Shake und Inc invented dose SMOKES last
night in shust two hours. l calls in de1
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09
4 Hrnah Hint.

A rich young lady belonging to Il OF
the rcigning families of fashion was re
Ginning on a couch in her boudoir one
morning, after spending a restless night,
when a courtier was announced. The
lady was very reticcnt. The visitor was a
bore and an intcrminable talkcr, who
could spout and spout and spout in one
weak, washy, everlasting food" In fact,
he was one Of those fellows OF whom ii
has been said that their heads are like
missionary boxcs-'it is difficult enough
to get anything into them, out still harder
TO get anything ont again
What, yawning a~lrrady'' he e1-
claimed. You have doubtless received
several stupid visitors already this morn
ing"
No, she replied. You are thef first "
-Trurb
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09
BEWARE OF WASHINGTON.
a Nan Rurs a Great Risk When He TaEe-
His Wife There.

. nan IIcPS 2 treat Risk When He TaEeE
His Wife There.
Ever in Washington" quericd the
man IN the seat beside me after he had
ooked out Of the window for an hour or
more in a sort of Drown study.
Yes"
'Takr your wife?''
Yes"
"Abouta year after you were married."
Yes, about a year"
'Betorc you went to Washington did
she think you were the biggest man on the
face Of the earth?"
Yes, she did"
And after you got home'"
She continued to think so, l believe"
Il thought it was going to turn out a
curious coincidence" continued the man,
with a look of disappointment on his face.
How do you mean?"
why, up to the time I took my wife tC
Washington she thought 1 owned the
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09

DuJcnef next uOOf una GtdC5 ell OdIGF &c
him, un What yoI belief he does? Say, ser
gcant, dot man got black in der face, his
eyes roll, und if l doan' pat him on der
back he vhas shokc to death. Yes, sir,
dose SMOKES tickle him till he can't
laugh"
But why did he want to laugh?'
'Nhy? Because he vhaS tccklcd, of
course. You doan' belief he Wanted to
cry, do you? When he Vhas One AWAY,
l reads en- to my oldt womans, und she
shtands opp unu goes no, no, no. und
shakes her sides till Shake has to fan her
NIT a toWci und cry Oudt dot der house
vhas on fire. Eafcry times | read dot
clam shokc oafcr to myself l was con
vUIscd militia, ha, ha, You vhaS 10 man
to be tcckIcd, sergeant, but maybe you
like something sad. | Will now read you
q sad article. She vhas called Der by
ing Shild,' by Anonymous. Here she
vhas:
dot lccJlc shild vhaS growing poorer
und weaker all der time for moro ash one
var. He vhas going to die, but no one
soospcct her. BY und by a dark night
comes on. Dot rain ONE down, und de-
wind blows, und oOp in a tree a big owl
cries oudt, "H-c-l-I-o, central,' But
shtill dot shild's muddCr shlcCpS on und
doan' hear nothings. Poorly soon der kid
raises her hands to hcafen und shmiles und
says she vhuS glad to be an angel. But
shtill dot mUddCr ShlcCpS on. Den an an
gel comes softly down to earth und bends
oafcr dot shiId und shmiIcs und says, L
Will take you oop to be a lecdlc fat shcrub
init a IccdIc harp to play on But still dot
muddcr shlccps on. Dot shild has ready
to go. He Laf measles und mumps und
clirl-,r nav rlDl tnnrhnphn nnH hp Tn1S
tired of dot climate. He raised COP his
leedlc hands to be tOokCn, but sthill dot
muddcr shlcep> on. Dot angel says, Come
along. my shild, und in n minute more
dcv sails COP to hcafCn und vhaS cured Of
all diseases und made happy. IN aboudt
two hour dot muddCr wake oOp und
finds her shild gone. She cries oudt und
looks aroundt. Poorly qucck she Shmclls
cologne. und den she knows how 1t vhas
und dot her shild vhas in happiness. She
drooDS her head on dot cradle und wcep>,
but he has tears of shoy.
'.Vhcll. sergeant, said Mr.. Dundcr,
when he had finished. how vhaS dot for
sadnesS2 OXcusc me while | wipe my tears
avhay."
Did YOU speak 70 me, Mr.. Dundcr:'
rucried the sergeant rs he looked up.
Did shpcak: Why, sergeant, / VEAs
reading Il piece from my almanac 70 make
You weep"
Were you? Ididn't know it
You didn't! Say, l reads dot piece to
der shoemaker on der corner uEd he cries
so dot he takes n whole coffee sack 10 wipe
his eyes AWAY. He says dot remind him
of der time his bruddcr vhas dead in
Shcrmany by a sawmill. Sergeant, | bet
you more ash one hoonered thousand PEG
MOS cry -f,-,1r sI9- ShIli
I don't see why they should
You doan'! Nhcll, you yhas 10 friend
of mine. If I @ 10 do something's, you vhas
always acknowledgement. vhas going u
put your pictlE. in my almanac und call
her dot fat ind silently policeman init a
heart like a baby's, but now l o DO il
No, sirI Ha hs ho' knows some SMOKES
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09

Nos. u and lJI Solid Pulluau Ncstibulc
TIsIus between " ashluRtOu and Atlanta.
Trans - and 81 nave through siecpcrs he
tween weldon and New York.
80 - makes close connection at Portsmouth
with Bay Line for baltimore: Old Dominion
st.aLncr- for New YORK every day ia the acek
except Friday. with A.rChAut ami Miners
Line tor ISD-tOn and Providence every day ia
the week except tuesdays and Thursday, and
Norfolk and Washington ;. Is. Company daily
for "a-hInRtOn.
NJ.3 makes close connection at Durham
wlru train from the vest on *. * ID. railroad.
SO ~ makes close connection at Durham
H4.h train gDlaE ~est On X & D.. raj TDaI.
FUT further Information ia regard - con
nenJ.on-. etc. arp.y - K l. 1hcataAn. agent,
Durham. sc.
JOHN wISDER. General Manager.
I. ?. ANDERSON. q. =. 4.
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09
NOTICE!

NolICh'
At a special meeting of the board, July IS,
it was
Resolved, That the board call the special at
tentiOn of the public to the following town
ordinances, which will be rigidly enforced
from this date.
TIL cooperation of every good citizen is
earnestly desired to all the town authorities
in enforcing the same.
Chapter :, book of ordinances, reads as fol
lows:
Section 2. Stagnant water in cellar or other
| places. shall be removed on notice of chief of
police, street commissioner. II ayOr or a com
mis- Toner. to the owner of such lot, cellar or
well. Any person violating this section shall
be fined s. for every day 1t shall remain after
such nJtICe,
Sec. s. All persons having their privics
cleaned out within the town limits shall use
a d;sifectant SO as to deOdorize the filth. and
all cleaning shall be done between sunset and
sunrise. All persons violating this section
shall be fined s..
Sec, 9. No person shall be suffered to carry
out Of bis or her kitchen the dish water o
Ofher sIOTs into any of the streets Of the town.
Any person violating this section shall tie
Sec. IS. No occupant of a lot in the town
shall allow such lot 20 remain in such a con-
ditiOn as to hold water until il becomes stag
ant. nor allow barrels. tubs or hOgshCads TO
hold water on same until it becomes stag
uant. ANY person violating this section and
failing or refusing to comply. after three
Gays notice from the chief OF police, staII be
fined 81.
Sec 70 Any occupant Of any lot who shall
permit persons TO mOke urinary or faecal de-
p sits on same without using lime or some
disIntectant freely. so as TO prevent smell.
shall be fined and pay $ for every violation.
Sec. -. No prIyy or water closet shall he
connected with any street gutter or drain
town. Any person violating is ordinance
shall be fined 81 per day for each connection
so long As said connection remain
Chief Of Police.
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09

Tie Best SaIve II the world for Cuts
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum. Fever
Sores, letter, Chapped hands, Chilblains
Corns, and all Skin Eruptions, and positively
cures Piles, or no pay required. Ii is guar
anteed TO give perfect satisfaction, or money
refunded. Price 25 cents per box. Forsale
at r. Blacknall d Sen.
The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1894-08-09

When sees her. ind l know What sadness
vhas. If you doan', dot vhas all right. I
Will shpcak good day to you. und some
pody vhas be hanged