Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-10-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY

The way OF the transgressor is often
a puzzle to the detectives.-Puck.
The most dangerous hole in a mans
pocket is the one at the top.-Puck.
The elephant is not big enough to
concentrate his mind on peanut
Puck.
When the shark is down in tho
mouth he must feel sick all over.-
Puck.
The only thing man wants, otter
he gets all the money he needs is moro.
| Puck.
An egotist is man who thinks the
world thinks as we'll of him as he does
himself. Puck.
The man who has tendency to
make an ass OF himself never lacks for
skill and material.
Jason? Why did you name your
dog that?" Because he is always
searching for the fleece. Life.
"5ee those violets. How modest
they are" "Modest? / guess you
never asked the price of them. Truth.
"My son, said wise father, "never
throw away anything; there Is no bait
at which some fish won't bite. New
York Sun.
Mistress And pray, why do you
want to leave us, Anna?" Cook-"The
doctor has ordered my grenadier more
generous diet W-Baseler Nachrichten.
Daughter (weeping)-"Oh, papa.
to-day I enter altoady on my thirtieth
year." Father Calm yourself, child
it won't last long. ."-Fliegende
Blaetter.
Peacemaker -sLaura, haven't you
md Irene kissed and made up yet2"
Laura-''Oh, yes. That is, we kissed.
She was already made up" Chicago
| Tribune.
"Why, Miss De Belle, how costumes
alter some people. I hardly knew
you. 500 l look such fright then?"
"On the contrary, you look most
charming"
II can give you striking illustra-
tion of my theory said the man who
argues. "Don't do it," replied the
CdDlUhllSty WcuIlly, 1Ov IVA AbAU"oSs
Washington Star.
''Do you really mean that you like
Blinks's last book?" eyes; I enjoy 1t
moro than any of the Others" "How
could you?" 81 didn't read it,
| Chicago Inter Ocean.
"Hello, Bilby! Stil! in the patent
fire extinguisher Dusiness?" "No.
The facti is, Sipes, the building we were
| doing business in burned down. We
lost everything. Chicago Tribune.
Edith" -"What makes you think that
Charley is in love with you" Maude
-"Why, ma talked to him over half
an hour last evening. and he really
seemed to eujoy it" Boston Tran
script.
She-"I don't believe you think half
60 much of me as Tom Dinsley does.
Ho tells me he could die for me-" He
THAT'S nothing. I love you we'll
enough to live with you. Boston
Transcript.
Hausfrau Ito dunning tradesman)--
eff to morrow is bad weather shall
be able to pay you. But if it is good
weather you need not call, as we shall
neod the money to 60 to picnic. -
Fliegende Blaetter.
Joax-"You know Bsgley fell off
car yesterday and broke his jaw. His
face is all bound up. I went up to
sec him to-day" Hoax-"How was
he?" Joax--"His wife said he couldn't
complain. Philadelphia Record.
Stoaks-" -"Thcre goes Cantor, Oakes.
He's got one of the finest voices ever
heard. Ever hear him sing? He's
got o fine voice." Oakes (sadly)-
ayes; nice voice. heard it about an
hour ago-he borrowed ten. Chi
cago Record.
General (when bullet-proof uniforms
become common)--"What have you
learned?" Aid-"victory will soon
perch upon our banne-. We have
filled the cIemy's clothes 80 full of
lead that they can't move another step
without undressing. - New York
Weekly.
Exceptional ability is not awarded
adequately these days," said Hicks
s'Look at that armlcss wonder who
rubs his eyes with his heels; he only
gets ten dollars week, while you.
who can't do that or anything like IL,
get twenty-five week for ordinary
work. "-Harper's Bazaar.
e'Mother," said little girl, looking
up from her book, "what does transat-
lantic mean?" ''Oh across the Allan
tic, OF course. Don't bother me; you
mako me forget my count" Does
trans always mean across?" u snp-
pose Il does. If you don't stop both
cring me with your questions. you'll
60 to bed" "rhen does transparent
moan a cross narent 9''--Tit- Bits