Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-04-12
IVY Wife's
ancestral Three.

i was a nippingly cold night in an
otherwise tepid January when my
wife, Elizabeth, embraced me in our
front hall, and before I could get out
of my ulster asked me if Il would
get her a tree"
Now, to be empty and cold and
tired and to be asked on the threshold
Of ones door and dinner in midwinter
for "a tree even by the being whom
one adores is a trifie irritating [ am
amiable as Il rule and a ruler, but
the tone in which 1 said "a whatr'
was not up to the marital mark. But
my own Elizabeth knew me too we'll
to be deferred.
''Why, dear, Mrs. Makehay Higgin-
son was there this afternoon, and she
said I ought to be a Colonial Dame.
and [ can't be one, she says, unless
[ have tree, which the Colonial
Danes are to sit upon at their meet
ing, and if it's all right they will
take me in
"Humph! l don't doubt they will"
'She says that everybody that is
a tree, and, dear, she said that you
were so awfully clever that you could
get me up a tree in no time"
Mrs. HigginsOn is a woman of
more penetration than [ gave her
credit for if she said that" said I.
But, seriously, dear, if your happi-
ness hangs upon tree you shall have
one"
For the first time I noticed in my
wife a strange citation, a sort of sup
pressed superiority. 1t made her
broaden all her as when she spoke to
me, and her dear, sweet, American
voice came down from her nose into
being a Colonial Dame" so that my
wife really became quite English in
her discussion of the subject which
[ had supposed to be thoroughly
American. Mrs. Higginson had left
her, it seemed, with an awful sense
of all that it meant to be a Colonial
Dame of the great works." as the
reformers say, to be done when every
body had tree"
'In the first place, you know, dear,
that society in Old Haven is neither
so gay nor so general as it might be
if we weren't all the time on pins and
needles for fear we might know some
body who wasn't, we'll, quite so nice
as ourselves, and Mrs. Higginson says
that the society of G.. D. "a capital
name for some Of Them I said in
parentheses) will do away with all
be meetings-lOtS of them, and when
they have had CROUCH meetings to
find out that everybody has an an
cestor as aristocratic as everybody
else, then they are going to unbend
and be nice to ono another, and the
SWEETEST Of the lot are going to give
dinners and balls, and it's going to be
awfully exclusive and English, you
know; and if any woman's name is
put up for membership that the other
women don't like, she's going to be
blackballed unless she has a great
deal of money. And I am sure, dear,
it's going to make a lovely feeling
all throughout society, and it's just
what this stupid old stuck-rp town
needs"
Not being able to grasp the cogency
Of my loved ones reasoning, 1 took
refuge in cigar, while Elizabeth
slipped her coffee and went on with
her prattle.
alfred, DEAR do you know Mrs.
Belfry Buncombe? She's the regent.
She is more swell than anyone in
town. Mrs. Higginson saws that for
years she has kept herself shut up
from common people. She has never
spoken to or come in contact with
tradesperson in her life, except once,
when she had to order herring, but
she kept him at a distance through
the telephone"
''Who, the herring?'
'How stupid you are. No, the
tradesperson."
These transcendent qualifications Of
Mrs. Buncombe for her high Office so
impressed me that [ straightway made
for my study, followed by Elizabeth,
and we lost no time in looking up the
family Bible.
After a still hunt Of an hour or
more this venerable tome was un-
earthed, lying in company with one or
two Rollo books and volume of Pride
and Prejudice in cobwebbed corner
Of tie closet where I kept my odds
and ends, boots principally. After we
had removed the dust from the book
which no well-regulated family should
be without, Elizabeth opened it and
turned to the family register, when,
as if by aspiration, her well-manicured
forefnger lit upon the name Penelope
Shaw.
''P. Shaw" 7 exclaimed. but not in
tone Of mockery-far from it-for in
that name I beheld the very root and
source of my EliZabeth's tree-the
name Of my wife's great-great-great-
grandmother
That was enough. We went from
Shaw to Shaw until the clock struck
midnight. The next day I went to the
rooms Of the Historical society, the