Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-07-18
"oRsERvE DOT BOOK. "

''Saturday-Sccms too bad to go to work on der last day of dot week. Shust keep quiet und get some breath for next Monday"
 Ut seems too bad that this should come upon you at your aEc!' sighed tho sergeant as MT. Dundcr finished. Did the doctor say what caused it?''
 ''Vhas 1t my shokcs you mean; Now, look here, sergeant, dot vhas no way to treat n feller! I go oudt of der saloon pcesness und invent comic almanac. She vhas full of shokcs. I begin moro ash two weeks aco-ha! hal ha!-tO laugh, und vhas shtilI at it. read you some fun, und you look solemn. If you haf some great sorrow on your mindt, vhas I to blame? If you should invent an almanac, doan' you belief I would encourage you' Of course I would! l like to sec somcpody climb oop, I do."
 But what do you want me to do?'
 ''Neffer mind! You keep on init dot shealousy und sec how you come oudt. Hold on, now, und I vhill read you an ad- vertiscmcnt:
 Notice to Some Burglars-Dis vhas to inform you dot haf shust mofcd into my new house on Golden Hill avenue und can be found at home any night in der week after 10 o'clock. While dot house vhas puerwided init q burglar alarm und
 
 in der latest style, I like to tell you dot you shall be admitted if you ring dot front door bell. Doan' took some troubles to break in und lose your time. vhas dead brokcd before dot house vhas half finished cop, und she vhas now under mortgage for more ash she vhas worth. My salary vhas cut down, my wife's family vhas come to live init us. und if you can find a quarter in dot house shall cheerfuIly gif nnn-half nf har No rn f, my watch or winter oafcrcoat, for haf to put 'cm cop der spout long ago. All der shewelry vhas sold to buy dot burglar alarm, und use my railroads bonds cop to paper der kitchen walls. It vhas no use to waste your time. Come und sec ma, but come by dot front door und net like n sheDtleman. doan' gif nopody avhay!
 "Ha, sergeant, what you tink of dot, heyf" asked Mir. Dundcr. ''Vhen I got her wrote down, l went oudt und found q burglar und read him to her, und you ought to hear him slap his leg und yell: Hol hol ho! Why, dot burglar vhas con- wulsed init fun, und he vhill take 10 copies of dot almanac"
 If you were 10 years younger" said the sergeant in n mcditative way, you might pull through, but at your''-VS
 Hold on, sergeant! Here vhaS, one moro. road her more ash 10 times to n
 
 him dot man doubles all cop und vhas blask in der face und faints avhay. He finally calls in policeman to make me shtop. Listen to her; she vhas richness: | "'To Dot Pooblic-A shcntlemnn who vhas cured of drinking, smoking, talking too loud, running oudt nights, going to der races und gambling, und who also gaincsl 20 pounds of flesh in thrco years I und vhas completely restored to health, vhill sell der secret to some respectable I person for ten dollar. No euro no pay. Address in confidence, und so forth"
 ''well." qucried tho sergeant "Vhcll-ha! hal hal Oxcuse me, ser geant, but haf to holdt my sidesl Do you | know where dot man vhasi'
 He wasn't anywherc."
 "Yes, he vhasi He vhas cop in Sing Sing. Hal hal hal Goodby, sergeant. look for some grins aboudt tomorrow or postal cariti''