New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1894-08-23
THE AESTHETIC SHARP
FOILED IN HIS ARTISTIC IMPuIsrs

lie MEETS HIS DEATH IN HIS ATTEMPT TON,
LIVING PICTURE
No fish with clear credentials a manS.v.
shark has ever yet appeared in the East R,s
Yesterday, however the town Mortified hvw
published accounts OF a creature up near Hell c..
that tried to be a woman-eatng shark He taI,.S
owing to the courage and skill OF two or three ~
sons who afterward told the story One OF thessL
nv profession diver As an amateur he Is aIsa I.
.plunger" when II comes to fish stories. The cair
Is made for him that he knows fish from sucker,
20 whales OF these two varieties the former 1.
sometimes a fish, but not always, and the latts,
never is But that has little to do with the cass
His expertness in distinguishing them seems to hav
enabled the diver 10 recognize the persons to whom
he told the story But 1t is time for n.
story Itself Suffice IT to say that many Of h,
hearers proved that they not sharks BY sv,L
lowing the whole story readily and without havip,
TO turn over on their sides.
The young woman whom the woud-be-womas
eating shark chose as his victim Is living picture
II Is her business to stand in gold frame on ths
stage of a theatre with lovely electric lights ali
around her. and to let people look at her. When
she is not professionally engaged she goes In swim
ming. This time she went in at He'll Gate the
waters whereof she knows all about.
Biologists say that the shark is old-fashoned
fish quite out of style In not using bones. Hh
teeth are all the bones he has that are worth men,
tionlng The shad, on the contrary Is a new-fash.
toned fish. Nothing but the sharks size and "a.
rccty has kept him alive through the geological
ages In this respect he Is Ike the king crab This
b, Of scientific information is simply thrown in 70
make the present account even more instructive
than it would be otherwise. 1t is only as a race
that the shark is old-fashioned. When this par
,icular specimen picked out the living picture be
was Just as much up TO date any homeless human
animal that ever waited at a stage door.
After all he did not do much TO the young
woman Any one who was not on the stage would
hardly have noticed II at all. He only pushed her
But young persons who sing or act or pose on the
stage are sometimes sensitive about being pushed.
once there prima donna In New-York who
left the stage for a whole summer because the tenor
pushed her He seemed 10 her just about the same
sort OF monster that this shark seemed to the living
picture For It is said that the fish turned over On
his side as sharks always DO. and tried to eat the
living picture quite obivious OF the deleerloU
chemical substances that enter into the composition
OF almost all pictures.
II was then that the diver would have cut the
shark in two with his oar II il had had straight
blade instead OF spoon at the end OF IT, Not even
in such supreme moments as this does sen'respect'
ing diver so far forget his manners as 70 eut hs
FISH with a spoon. Then another man shot the BEAST
The fish proved to be go2d many Zee, ,ons =
certain clergyman used 10 tell his congregation maj
the whale that swallowed Jonah was three or per-
haps four times as long barn. somewhat DC.
pending on the size of the barn Perhaps this shark
was more less feet long. somewhat depending On
the length OF the feet.
But the most remarkable part OF the affair Is the
confession OF the press agent. Ordinarily the press
agent is a person who Is content TO 90 good worss
in silence and to let them be his monument ne
does not seek personal glory. II his employer oe-
comes famous through the world BY his exertonss
that is enough for him. But this press agent reai;
lied too much what marvellous story ne nao
made: he suffered pride to lift him up and yester.
day he declared that he knew five weeks ago .nat
the shark going to bite at this LIVING picture
And the funniest part OF II all Is that nvins
picture should have a press agent. Tor IL was We
living picture and not the shark who employed tne
press agent. The reader should understand ciesly
that this Is the funniest part OF the whole anai;
lest. through INDIFFERENCE. he should allow hinse'
to think any inferior portion OF II equally lunhy.
Seriously. experts and general practitioners IN nsn
who do not make any speciality Of suckers oec.sn
that there never was shark that would eat nasa
a woman a picture within nfty niles OF NeS
York. 10 say nothing OF the East River Inc 20
that be said TO all who feel moved 10 oa,h "a
the East River Is Let the good work go on. Lns
resulting benefit TO the community VIII pe grsss,
than the loss OF all the citizens that VIII ever "
eaten by sharks IN all the water around from New
Rochelle YOnkers