Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-12-12

A certain sage said he never ne'
rogue who was not unhappy
Of course not; it is the rogues VIII
are not known who are the happ
ones.-Tit-Bits.
Boarder-Madam, | have foun
nickel in my hash. Mrs. Meale
oh, that's all right. | put i
there; l thought I'd give you
little change in your diet.-Phila
delphia Record.
II PROPOSE" began the deliberat
old lawyer who called around t,
see young widow on business
when his vivacious client exclaimed
~ accept" They are now partners
Dallas News.
Brother-Why all this talk abou
divided skirts for bicycling? Can
you girls ride in ordinary dressesp
Sister The idea! Why, ordin
ary dresses wouldn't attract any
attention at all.
Friend Well, Ethel, how Dc
you like married life? Ethel Zen
thusiastically)-It's simply delight
full. We've been married a weel
and have had eight quarrels, and
got the best of it every time. Fun
Simpson, hear that Brown
walks twenty miles every Sunday
Wonder it doesn't wear him out
Robison--Well, a man can't res
seven days a week. Brown has 4
position under the city government
Harlem Life.
Stranger-For heavens sake
what's that unearthly noise?
Host-Oh, that's my neighbor''
Oldest daughter. She has a desire
to become an opera queen.
Stranger (meditatively) = Poo
thing! poor thing! And is she be-
ing treated for it?
Lazer-[ like winter much better
than summer.
Wyso-How is that?
Lazer-Because in winter one cal
work hard enough to keep warm
but in summer one cannot Loaf
enough to keep cool.-Boston Cour
ier.
He-You women have no right
to the ballot for the simple reason
that in case of war you would not
be able to fight.
She-Then why do you allow +;
man who is cripple to vote?
He--Why-er-if that isn't Just
like a woman to ask some fool ques.
tion as that.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Northside,
said the caller, rising to his feet as
the mistress of the house entered
the parlor. "Oh, Mr.. Birmingham,
replied the lady, "why didn't yor
send up your namel The mait
said gentleman asked to see me
and here it is only you"--Pittsburi
Chronicle-Telegraph.
May-Why are you so blue?
CARRIE quarreled with Jack
Yesterday, and our engagement ii
off.
May--Can't you make up friends
with him againp
Carrie--I wish | could, but
can't remember what on earth il
was we quarreled about.
"Jane, hear that you have beer
seen walking about with my hus'
band. Is that sop"
"Yes, mum, it is"
"Well. / am sorry to say yor
will have to leave my service.
really cannot employ girl who il
not more particular about the com
pany she keeps"
Figg-Your wife says that youl
servant girl has left you.
Fogg-Yes. We had becom,
greatly attached to that girl, and
we shall never be able to fill tn,
void she has left in our household.
Figg-Then she lived with yol
for some time?
Fogg-Oh, yes; more than 6v,
weeks.
Californian-Talking bout eli
mate, why we are evenss trying t,
grow tea in Californy."
Mr.. De Easte-I am sorry t,
hear that, very sorry.
Californian-Why SOP
Mr.. De Easte-You might posi-
bly, succeed in raising few ounces
and then the government would sla]
on tariff of S5 a pound.-Puck.
A strictly orthodox old gentle
man ON his return home from churcl
recently, was extolling to his Sol
Frank the merits of the sermon
81 have heard, my son." said he
lone of the most truthful sermon
ever delivered before a christian so
ciety. 1t carried me to the yer,
gates of Heaven"
"Well, father" replied Frank
you'd better have lodged in then
for you'll never have another sucl
chance"
Father-So, my son, | hear yo'
have told Miss Shekkells that yol
loved herp
Son--But haven't.
Father (surprised And you ar
not going to marry her?