Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-11-02
HuMOR OF THE DAY.

HuMOR OF THE DAY.
Lawyers help those who help them
selves.-Puck.
Women are fonder of talking than
of conversation Transcript.
Few people see things as they are.
Most mortals see them as they want
them. Galveston News.
The world is full of people who
never aspire above pulling something
down. Milwaukee Journal.
The cloaks and tho coats
You may air as you will,
But the odor OF camphor
Will cling to them still.
--Chica o Inter Ocean.
Jasper-"How did Mr.. Blublood
make his Wealth. Jumpuppe-"He
didn't make it. He inherited it, and
it made him. Puck.
Teacher-"Jo where was the
Declaration of Independence signed?'
Johnny--"At the bottom of the page,
mum. ."--Syracuse Post.
Prospective Purchaser. -"What min
erals are there in this spring."
Owner -"Plenty of gold and silver, if
you advertise it properly" Truth.
''She is great favorite with the
male SEX" "Yes." "Why doesn't
she marry?" "Her numerous engage
ments prevent her. New York Press.
Nell-"Mr. Sillicus is only an apol
ogy for man." Belle "Well.
wouldn't you accept an apology if it
was offered d?"-Philadelphia Record.
IT'S not for all the things want!
My pocketbook I bleed;
Alas I'm poor, because OF all
The things do not need.
When q girl has q dimple in her
cheek she doesn't usually get to be
more than seventeen years old before
she learns how to work it.-Somer-
vile Journal.
"Call him veteran joke writer?
Why he is not more than twenty years
old.'' ''That is SO; but his Jokes are
veterans all the same. Indian
apolis Journal.
She-"I don't see you with Miss
Gotrox any more. Have you and she
had q misunderstanding?' He-'No;
an understanding. She rejected me-.
Brooklyn Life.
Client-"I want to sue the railroad
company for $50,OOO damages. What
is the first thing for me to do?' At
torney-"G Give me retainer for $500.
Detroit Free Press.
"What! haven't you named the
baby yet?" Mamma-''No." "Can't
find anything good enough?" Nam
ma--"N---no; can't find out which
uncle is the richest. "--Chicago Inter
Ocean.
"What's the matter with Jennings,
Harlow2" "Oh, some mental trou-
BILE. He suffers from a complete loss
of memory" "Suffers? Jove! he's
in great luck, considering his past. -
Harper's Bazaar.
Patient-"Can you tell me, doctor.
the cause of baldness?" Physician
ssNoth1ng easier, sir. 1t is due to the
falling out of the hair. Will you pay
now, or shall put it down to your ac-
count ?"--Boston Transcript.
Teacher" They builded better thaa
they knew Do you understand that?"
Bright Boy" -"Yes'm; they always do.
Teacher---"Who always do?" Bright
Boy.--"The architects, you know.
Pops new $4,000 house cost most $1O,-
600. "---Good News.
Friend---"H did the count pro-
pose to you, and you accept, if he
could not understand your language
nor you .his?" American Heiress--- "It
was very simple. He showed me his
family tree and 1 showed him my bank
book. New York Weekly.
Miss Bellefield-"Mr. Spatters is o
good sportsman" Miss Bloomfield
s.Is he? He never shoots anything"
Miss Bellefield-"Tha is why call
him good. think it is real wicked
to kill innocent animals and birds. -
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
"Hast thou lover?" asked ho,
"Oh, maiden of the RhineY"
She blushed In sweet confusion
And softly faltered "Nein."
He felt rebuffed and knew not
What best to say, and then
sudden thought came to him;
He pleaded, ''Make It ten."
Detroit Tribune.
He-s'Now that wc are engaged.
must know if any one ever kissed you
before" She--"Oh, George, how can
you doubt me? bring you heart
as fresh and ardent as your own.
George doesn't know whether to be
satisfied or not.)--Baltimore .Tele'
gram.
When one girl tells you that she oil.
ways prefers the summer at the seq.
shore and an other girl tells you that
she always prefers to spend the sum.
mer at the mountains, You may be
pretty sure generally that the first
young lady tans and the second young
lady freckles. --Somerville Journal.
Mr.. Smallwort-"I see that a fe.
male bank robber has been operating
out West and has so far escaped cap
ture." Mrs. Smallwort--"How do
they know it is q woman II the robber
has not been captured?" Mr.. Small
wort-."The combination locks have
all been picked with hair-pin. =
Chicago Record.
Tho present price of beef in Paris
is forty cents por pound, mutton being
thirty-eight cents, veal thi.ty-six
4 -.