Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-02-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

"Why do you call your father in
law Silence, Markham" because
he gave consent. Truth.
1t is impossible to have the last
word with chemist, because he al
ways has a retort. Boston Courier.
Pretty is as pretty does
Is an honored saw;
But it's one for which the girls
Do not care straw.
Kansas City Journal.
''She is the girl of the period"
"Well, / thought it was about time
for her to come to full stop. Boston
Gazette.
"Come to stay?" asked the fish.
ooh, no., said the worm. "Just
dropped in for bite. Indianapolis
Journal.
A man who unconsciously does much
to sour the milk of human kindness, is
that fellow who snores in sleeping
car-Ram's Horn.
''Did you say, Aunt Sarah, that your
nephew was studying theology"
eyes, he's bibulous student. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
She (reading) Bells are now made
of steel in this country" He-"Yes;
but the finest ones are made of silk
and satin. Detroit Free Press.
Sarah" "She's worth million, and
just the right age for you" Jerry
'Any girl worth a million is the right
age for me. Detroit Free Press.
Not till TWENTY-FIVE will women
Vote or for office run.
Why? Because she will not sooner
Own that she is twenty -one.
Kansas City Journal.
Wibble-''The fellow that invented
the pneumatic tire got on to soft
thing, didn't he?" Wabblc-So do
the fellows who use it. "-Indianapolis
Journal.
Jobbers tunhappily mated)-"1
wonder if all men who get married
lead lives of endless torture?" Enpeck
bitterly y)-"Oh, no. Some of them
die. Chicago Record.
Clara-"Us girls are getting up
secret society" George--"What's
the object 2" Clara--"I don't know
yet, but I'll tell you all about it after
Teacher--"C any of You tell me
what is meant by home industries p"
Billy Bri sht (promptly)-''Up to our
house they're mostly sawin' wood an
carryin' i'll coal Buffalo Courier.
"Cholly inherited good deal of
not much in the way of brains"
"Thats true. They left him all dol
lars and no sense ~ Washington Star.
Caller-'Is Miss Sweete at home?''
Servant ''No, Sir. Caller please
tell her called. Don't forget, will
you?" Servant NO, sir. I'll go
and tell her this minute. -Tid-Bits.
'Tis now the prudent mother.
Lets her children wildly rove
Lest they hear their father talking
When he's putting up the stove.
Atlanta Journal
Mr.. Westerly--'I dreamed about
you last night Miss Wolcott." Miss
Wolcott (languidly )-"Did dyou really?
Well, I'm glad to hear that you have
pleasant dreams. "-Someryille Jour.
nal.
House e-Owner-s'H does yom
furnace work this weather." Tenant
THE exercise of raking it keeps me
warm enough, but the other members
of the family complain. New York
Weekly.
Professor-'An now, my boy,
what is your ambition in. hfe-the
law, the ministry, politics, science
Johnny: ''Ef l can't be captain !
wanter be halfback ~ Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Friend-"I don't see how, on your
income, you manage to winter in
Florida and summer in Maine
Sharpp-''Y forget that by that
plan dodge both coal and ice bills"
New York Weekly.
Yeast-"I wouldn't believe man
who goes about proclaiming every
thing from the house-top." Crimson
beak why, | should think You
would consider that high authority"
--Yonkers Statesman.
"What on earth did your uncle
mean by marrying that old, dried-up
thing?'" "Well, you see, he's been
a collector of curios and briera-brac so
long that the habit WAS too strong to
resist Atlanta Constitution.
"Hullo, Chimmy. Is dey any more
good books in de Young Terrors'
libery?" 81 dunno, but I hear tell
abo 1t story by George Eliot what
dey call Daniel dc Rounder.'
Shouldn't wonder ii das {, ight be
pretty good. Brooklyn Eagle.
Algy Softleigh Would you weally
wecommend person, me for in
stance, to-aw-t think twice before
speaking onee?" Miss Huntington
rWhy. no; Mr.. Softleigh. You don't
deem me so cruel as to want 70 strike
you dumb, hope. BuFslo Courier.