The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-03-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Ont rates-Surgeons fees Truth.
The good hackman is known by his
carriage. Florida Times Union.
A kiss is a song that should always
he encored. Florida Times Union.
Ringing a belle-Putting nose
ornament on a Kafir woman. Halo.
The pawnbroker never gets SO old
that he takes no interest in life. -bos-
ton Transcript.
Some people do not recognize their
obligations when they meet them
Galveston News.
No. nv son; a doctor doesn't know
everything; but he thinks you think
he does. Punch.
People who think before they speak
ALWAYS manage to economize on talk.
Washington Post.
When some people want counsel
they proceed to consult their own IN
terests. Galveston News.
The dentist who devotes himself to
pulling aching molars is necessarily
pains-taking fellow. buffalo Courier
Motto for the Shopping Fiend: "1t
Won see what you want, price dozen
other things before asking for it.
Puck.
A man breathes, on an average, ten
thousand quarts of air day-end
talks about 1000, 900. Augusta (da. }
Chronicle.
The woman who can pass mirror
without looking into it has the heroism
of which martyrs are made, e,-florloa
| Times Union.
local dealer advertises "a new
stock of walking-sticks for gentlemen
with carved wooden heads. "-Phlla-
delphia Record.
Mrs. Shopper all these toys
are old" Shopkeeper--"Yes, madam
but then YOU know most of the babies
are new. Vogue.
An ounce of prevention is worth
pound of cure; that is to say, the
druggist is likely to charge Just as
much for it.-Puck.
When n man claims that grip is only
vagary of deserted brain, 1t Is
pretty safe to bet he has never had It,
Philadelphia Record.
A Chicago man who had just sur
rendered his watch to foot pad, was
moved to remark that he didn't know
when he had been so pressed for time
Washington Star.
The doctrine of heredity is com
forting theory. 1t is SO pleasant, you
know, to be able to lay our faults anu
foolishnesses on our toretathers'-
Boston Transcript
The jealousy of physicians is re-
markable. No sooner does one OF them
discover disease than half-a-dozen
more concentrate all their energies
upon its suppression. Puck.
Traveller in Missouri want to
find the conductor. Who has charge
of this train?" Trainman-"Can't tell
till after we pass the next strip o
woods. "-Cleveland Plaindealer
500 YOU believe that practice al
ways makes perfect?" "No; it hasn't
made anything but a row ever since
that idiot upstairs commenced Will
his flute. Chicago lnter-Ocean.
Byers--''What was your idea il
getting vaccinated on your rheumRti'
arm?" Seller" Economy of pain. i
couldn't make the arm hurt worse THAI
it did already. Chicago Tribune.
THAT young widow Flison is quite
dashing creature, don't you thinkY
81 guess you are right She dashed
my hopes most eifectually when
asked her to marry me. ."-Indianapo
lis journal.
Charlie Sniffers tout with Dolli'
Dimple)--"Pardon me for bowling &
that shabby old codger, but l feel oh
liged TO do it. Dollie-''Wbo is he
Charlie?" Charlie-"He is the heaC
of our firm. "-Spere Moments.
Nell-"How do you know she is a
love with Jack?" Belle-"Becaus'
she told me he was perfectly horrid
aud if she were IN my place sh'
wouldn't have anything to do will
him. Philadelphia Record
Footman-'Say, Jeems, what woul,
we do if we found pocketbook witt
800, 600 that the boss had left in th'
carriage?" Coachman - "Do? w,
wouldn't do nothing ut all. We'd live
on our income. Texas Siftings.
Customer-"Why is it you charg
as much for siX-pound pig as you d,
for a sixteen-pound pig?" Butcher
"The smaller the pig, mum, the wors
, it hurts us to kill it, Got to charg
somethin' fur our feelin's, mum. -
! Chicago Tribune.
! Miss Seare-"Jack Marblehead CAV
me great reception yesterday. IL
has aeannon on his yacht and when
came on board he fired a salute of eve
30 many guns--forty-nne. ! think
was. Miss Smarte-"One for ever.
year Of your age, ! suppose d Vogue