davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
Got any chewin' about your clothese
indianapolis Journal.
wHERE JOKES cANNor MNrKn.

A certain Philadelphia gentleman.
OF moro name than fame, was ordered
by his physician to travel for tho
benefit of his health.
He went to England, and after tir-
ing of humping through London, he
decided to hire trap and sec tho
beauties of interior England in digni.
fed case and luxury.
just then lo fell in with hearty.
good,natured Englishman, and as thew
soon became fast friends, tho Ameri.
can invited tho other to attend him on
his coaching trip.
Tho son of John Bull accepted,
md during tho days of pleasure that
followed, each frequently and in jok-
ing manner improved every occasion
to laud his own country and express
his contempt of tho other.
On the evening of tho fourth day, MS
they were driving along dusty road,
the American pulled tho horses up
suddenly and began to road II sign:
TO Manchester twonty miles" and
underneath were tho words: eff you
cannot read this sign apply for in
formation at tho blacksmith shop"
"Well, I'll DO blamodp I" said tho
American. eff that isn't tho most
ridiculous sign ever saw |"
u say, old man." replied tho
Englishman, "that sign is all right,
isn't ita Idon't SEQ anything tho mat
tor"
"You don't, oh We'll, then, you just
sleep over in and sec what you think
in the morning"
Tho next morning tho Enslishpan
camo down boaming.
II say, old man." he said wisely,
that was funny sign to put up, for
don't You SEQ tho blacksmith might
not BIO in aftor all, you know. Dos
ton Budget.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
AM Active OId Man of ION.

Ono of tho oldest, if not tho very
oldest, men in Amerion, lives in lit.
Ito shanty OH tho banks of the Usage
River Mt Osage City, Mo. Ho ia
colored, and named Richard Hoops.
According to the statements of Hoops
which are woll supported by aocessi.
bio records, ho was born in Chatham
County, N. O., Decembcr2O, ITO, and
thus laoks less than month of tho
completion of his 123d year. Born
slave, he was taken to Missouri by his
owner, John p. Hayden, while n mere
boy. fow years later he was sold to-
tho man whose name no now benrs, and
lived with him near Viennn, Marics
County, until tho emancipation of tho
slaves. Since that time he Inns lived
Mt Wcstphnlin, but for tho lust twenty
five years has made his homo at Osngo
City.
Hoops isromarkably we'll preserved,
and livcs alono in his shanty. Ho
fishes great donl for the big catfish
that frequent tho waters of the Osngc,
and is never happier than when he can
catch n big ono and mako soup of it's
head He il still able to do some
work, and it was only few ycarssincc
that ho contracted with farmer i'm
tho vicinity of his home to romovo
the stumps and roots of ncwly
cleared tract of land. Ho fulfilled his
contract, doing MI the work himself.
His mind is still clenr OH many of tho
events TINT happened toward tho close
OF the last century, and he recalls with
great pride that he once held the horse
of General Greene, of Revolutionary
fame. In appearance, Hoops resem-
bles mummy; his skin looks like
parchment, and no il toothless and
hairless, but his step is remarkably
firm, and his eye bright and clcar.
AS stated, he lives alone, having no
relatives as far Ms known. He is
member and regular attendant of the
African Methodist Episcopal Church.
His ncighbors take II great interest in
him, and do him many acts of kind
ness, and he would not havo to work,
ms they would supply his simple wants
gladly, but he is independent, and
says that he intends to earn his own
living for many years yet. His house
stands under the approach to tho Mis-
souri, Pacific Railroad Bridge across
the Usage, and, except when absent
OH his fishing trips, "Unclo Hoops"
rs lie is called, can be found ut home.
He has the record of his birth, and
there is but little doubt that ho is tho
oldest person in the country. Cincin.
natl Commercial Gazette,
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
HAD BEEN TO THE FAIR.

"Now," said the intrepid explorer,
after he had shown the guileless
native the inside workings of brass
watch and had noted his native Won
der at the mysteries of the mechan.
ism, 81 will let you have one of these
for two tusks. Then you can be the
envy of the whole tribe"
The native gentleman yawned.
I'll traded II secondhand war club
for n bushel of those things when
was Mt tho Worlds Fair last summer, {"
said he, ''and there was not one of
them that ran for more than a week.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
lie Loved q Princess.

Before Princess May became the
bride of the Duke of York she had IN
ardent admirer i'll the person of an err
rand boy. He wrote her letter de-
claring his affection, and the Princess
promptly handed the epistlo over to
her father. Tho Duke of Teck sent
for the young lover and told him it
was unmanly conduct to propose to n
girl unless he was prepared to support
her in the style to which she was nc.
customed. Whereupon the lad with
drew his suit. Chicago Herald.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
An Impromptu Dapoo.

II has no doubt often occurred tn
ESu while wslkiag on the street that
E2n nave met q pedestrian going ia
Sne opposite direction and, In tho at
tempt 70 pass you, bob from one side
% Sae Other, both being imbued with
M! tme same idea The result is a dodr-
Ing two or three times from one sida
20 Spe other before either gets by.
The other day reporter met with
that experience, and gay young col.
pred girl was the pedestrian uomin.
In the opposite direction. After two
or three maneuyers the colored WON.
an exclaimed: "oA'
"For dc Lawd's sake, man what 4.
hnls a gwan to be-a waltz or a
fhottische, "-Philadelphia Call.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
PROFESSIONAL REroa1a.

Robert Smith (brother of Sydney,
and familiarity called Bobus) was a
lawyer and an ex-advocate general,
and happened on one occasion to be
engaged in an argument with physi-
clan touching the merits of their re-
spectiye professions.
"You must admit" urged DIR. =,
"your profession does notmake angels
of men,
"No," was the retort; ''there you
have the best of it; yours certainly
gives them the first chance. '-Sala's
Journal.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
JUDGED by nEsIlIrs

She-'"The Letters of Junius re-
gard as the most wonderful compost
tions in the language"
They don't compare with Jack
Hardy's. Why, he wrote letter of
coincidence to widow, and sho took
off her mourning Immediately. "-Life.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
A LAST DESPERATE CHANCE.

"Have you anything to say before
we eat you?" said the King of the
Cannibal isles to Boston missionary.
81 have" wns the reply. 81 want
to talk to you for IL while on tho nd
vantnges of Il vegetarian diet. -
Harper's Bazaar.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
TAKING no CHANCEs.

"What yc lookin' fur9" asked Plod-
ding Pete
"Work," replied Meandering Mike.
"What fur?'
"So's 1 kin see it fust, an dodge. I"
Washington Star.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
A sate, Sound Trust

Not corporations alone make the best
trusts, for morally speaking we place reliance
In things most successful, and thereby estab-
fish most substantial trust, and this Ia tho
way TO do 1t. ''My WIFE," says Mr. J. w.
Ames, Fairmont, Neb., suffered intensely
with sciatiea, and was helpless. tried many
things TO no purpose. Although the doctors
said mo got I. oottlo OF 81. Jacobs OIL and
tried It. Isc.opped the pain and In a ehort
time she mad no use for crutches." Now
nero ic trust founded on the surety OF cure
from the experience OF being cured. Let any
doubling Thomas take the Same course and
mako n truct for himself.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
MIGHT FAIL IN LOVE WITH SEIZE.

ooh" -shc cried, eff I could only
sec myself MS others see mel"
'It wouldn't do, said no. cit would
make You too conceited.
And then she smiled on him all tho
rest of the evening. -Harper's Bazaar.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
NOT HEREDITARY.

"My boy" said Tompkina, ''is the
most truthful little fellow that ever
lived"
II believe it," said Hawkins, "I
have heard it said that the suppressed
qualities in the father always crop out
in the son. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

The rscs.gr5'ven-c % Grass aud Clover Seed
In tho world is SaIlcr. t,ross., Wis. Over
" htrdS varieties, With lowest pr!ccsl
Special low freight u New YORK, Pa. and tho
East.
iFfoU Will. CUT THIS OUT AND. SEND 1T with
VIC postage TO the John a. Salzcr Seed Co.. La
crosse WIS., you wilt receive eleven packages
grass ana clover sorts and his m ,nlnl Ii farm
seed catalogue full OF good things for the fa.-
'ner, the gardener ard the citizen. A
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

Mrs. Finis-"I'm as sick asI can be,
just from eating these peanuts
Finis-"Well, why don't you step
eating them?"
Mrs. Finis lin nmazcment =" Stop?
Why, have more than half bng left
yet !''-Pnck.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
ALI EXPLAINED.

Mrs. Clinkor--"NIr Kingloy says
her baby lis perfect little angel"
Clinker THAT'S what Kingley
meant tho other day vixen no said he
added new pair of wings to his
house. Truth.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
CASUS DEILI.

Tommy" said Mrs. Figg, "what
on enrth have you been fighting with
Jimmy Briggs for?"
Cause his mother called mo per-
feet little gentleman, said tho incor-
rible Tommy. indianapolis Journal
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
NICELY PUT,

Strawber--"I hear you proposed to
Miss Twilling the other night. Did
she give you an answer?"
Singerly--"Not till came the next
night"
strawber- "Then what did she
say?"
Singerly--"She told the servant to
tell me she was very sorry, but she was
already engaged. Judge.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
INcoMPArIpILrTy.

"Miss Nelson complained that you
talked to her of nothing but the
weather."
"Wcll, that's all we hadin common. "
Life.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
HE DOUBTED NOT.

Scientific Barbo,-"It is hard to be-
lieye that when examined undor
microscope the edge of razor is seen
to have teeth like those of saw"
Writhing but Sarcastic Customer
els it?"-Life.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
RESEMBLANCE.

Mrs. Yonnhus- eyes, my dear. just
like its father, is baby. Tiny little
nose, fat podgy hands, funny fat
cheeks, beautiful bald head-isn't
it?"
Mrs. Hodgekins with glance at
Mr.. Younghus in the corner) Eyes,
my sweet, very" -Harper's Bazaar.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
In this country $1,000 electric incande.
cent lamps arc made each day.
An Important DIncrcnco.

To mako 1t apparent to thousands, who think
themselves I'LL that They arc not affected with
any disease, but that the system simply needs
c'eans'ng' Is 10 bring comfort homo to their
hearts ms n costivc condition is easily cured by
using syrup Of Figs. Manufactured by tho
California Fig SyrupCo.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
A WISE ACT.

Yokes-"Wc have ut last secured a
cook who will stay with us.
acknowledgements |"
Vokes-"Hot ut all. took her on
the recommendation of tho policeman
OH the beat. Truth.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
COMING E,uNENnE.

~ hear how your brother Teddy is
gettin' mp in politics."
"Yep. He don't do no work no
moro at oil. Chicago Record.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

WHEN friends abuse you "hchlnd
your back" do not Urievc too much.
They do not mean all they say. They
will smile as usual when they meet
YOU.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

No SAFER REMEDY can be had for Coughs
and Colds, or any trouble OF the Throat. than
"Br0Wns bronchial 1'oches." Prico - cents.
Sold only in bores.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

Beccham's Pills cure indigestion and consti.
patton. l'eechnm's-no others. y cts n boy.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

The poet Burns was In ccstasIes
wren he had "dinnered wi lord, /"
but he wasn't in it with Chauncey
Depew when he. had interviewed the
Popo.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

Hatch's Universal Cough Syrup costs nc
more than others and heneilts moro
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

Ifhhiicted with sore Dyes use DIR. Isaac Thomu.
cons Eye-water. Druggists sell at 2io per bottle
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

About 40 tons of letters daily pass through
British general posto iiicc
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

There are 200 fishing clubs in London.
with membership of II 600.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS STRETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
He Was Equal to the Occasion-ln-
compatibiiity-Coming Eminence
lilo Doubted Not = Casus
Bell, Etc., Etc.

What hours OF happiness spent
That day behind the speedy span,
With Sarah Ann.
The loyelight sparkled In her eye.
Her cheeks glowed with crimson tint
She took tho reins from me, and l.
took the hint.
New York Press.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
Bow"rc of 0lntment. ror Catarrh Thu,
Contain nIcrcurv $3.50

as mercury wi surely destroy tho sonso .,
smell and completely derangc the whole system
%hen entering It through the mucous surfaces
prescriptions rom reputable phySiciHns' NJ tbn
damage they viii do is ten fold to the good Vol,
can pIssib derive from thom. Halls Catnrrb
I9le 10, y, contains no mercury, and Is taken
internally, acting directly upon tho blood ana
MUCOUS surfaces OF tho system. o In buying
~ Is taken internally, and is made in Toledo
O1.n, ny +. j. Cheney & Co. Testimonials free
w Sod by Druggists, price 75c. per bottle.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27
Worthy or rartarln &C ms nost.

A posthumous anecdote of the i'm.
mortal Tartarin is related by the
"Gaulois" It was in the gun-room,
and Tartarin, after RECALLING his audi.
enco with various thrilling tales OF
his exploits and adventures In the
chase, described the following terrific
experience: "The other day." he said,
ain n fearful snowstorm, found my
self, Without n gun or any weapon,
face to face with three wolves. ;"
"Woll, what did you do?" well, ]
simply stared Mt them, with my hands
In my pockets, and whistled.' do
you mean to say they didn't attack
your" "rhcy couldn't; they were in
u cage" In Professor Garner's case
the conditions were reversed. Lon
don Globe.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1894-04-27

Ir is stated that millionaire who
died recently Mt Vienna had such an
antipathy to darkness that he left in
structions i'll Ills will for tho illumina.
ton of hia tomb. An electric light is
to DO kept burning in tho vault during
n whole year, and even tho interior OF
tho colin is to DO electrically lighted.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1894-10-18
EVERY ONE HUNTING.
California Patriots Want to Help Fine
the stolen Express Funds.

tho Stolen Express Funds
Sacramento, CAL, Oct. 15.-Some-
where within a mile of Sacramento q
fortune is hidden. Fifty thousand dol
lars in gold and several thousand In
silver, the booty of the train robbery
last Thursday night, il buried In the
earth, cached in the tules, sunk N q
slough or covered up In cellar. But
all the detectives have been unable 10
diminish the area within which the
stolen wealth must lie. The mile In
cludes a town, a swamp, brush, nedos,
a river aud thousand sloughs ana
ponds. There is hardly a yard OF It,
outside the streets of Washington o.
Sacramento, that might not conceal tne
three bags Of gold and one Of silver.
For a time at least the hunt for the
robbers has given way to the hunt for
their spoil.
A mysterious man was shot at by the
guards posted against the remote pos
sibility that the robbers might seek
ut once their treasure, but he stepped
back from the moonlight Into the
murky shadows of the night, and leay-
ing not a definite footprint by which
his identity might be traced or guessed.
From the ranches come tales Of men,
sometimes two or three, skulking at
daybreak from barns, weapons In Their
hands. H.4
The detectives believe that II the
robbers have cached the money they
will wait some time before uncoverinR
and making use Of it. With the idea
Of guarding all possible chances they
stationed guards through the tules and
along the track and have kept them
there every night since the robbery.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1894-10-18
THE VIRGINIA ROBBERY.

Not u shadow of a Clue to the Bandits
Washington, Oct. 14.-Not the
shadow of tangible clew to the ideal-
tity of the men who accomplished the
remarkable feat of train brigandage In
Virginia Friday night has yet come to
light ..g.t- .... HH ..H H--7
The little town of Quantico. which,
consists of half a dozen houses. usu-
ally almost isolated from civilization.
is oyerrun with detectives. There are
almost as many theories alsat as there
are detectives. But the only points Oh
which the. theories are practically har-
muniOus are Nhat the robbery was Il
carefully planned one. executed by ex-
lcricnced professionals, and that the
men are now probably far distant from
their field of operation. The man ar
rested on suspicion last night will
merely be nrraigncd in the police court
Oh II charge of vagrancy, as no evil
dence lies against him.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1894-10-18
ELECTION in BELGIUM.
The Voting Was Under the New Compul-
sory System.


sory System.
Bruessels, Oct. 14.-Elections for
members OF the Chamber OF Deputies
were held throughout Belgium yester-
day. The voting was under the new
compulsory system, which provides se-
we're penalties for non-voters. The
electors We're divided into three class
es, as follows:
One year residents over % years Of
age, who were entitled to one vote;
married men and widOwers with fam
lilies, who pay personal taxes Of five
francs to the state, who had three
votes, and priests and others Of POSI-
tion and education, who had three
votes.
The clerical party under this system
had great voting strength. The So
cialists made n strong fight as the in
| dependent party.
Liberals are divided and are likely to
| show badly in the places where the
clericals and Socialists are in force.
The elections were orderly, except at
| Alost, in East Flanders, where cOllis-
| ions occurred between the supporters
| of Able Daens, Christians, Socialists
and NJ. Woeste, the clerical leader who
| few days ago was stoned by a mob
and forced to flee for his life. ---
| L ne COuHtlHS VI NOteS is IL SLOW pTO-
cess. Returns from the Brussels dis
| trict show the liberals and clerlcnls
ran closely and new ballots will prob
ably be necessary. In Charlerof and
Liege, mining and manufacturing cen.
| ters, the radicals and socialists are
also ahead, having defeated many lib
eral candidates, including Frere Jo-
han, the moderate liberal leader. NJ.
De Bruyan, minister of public works
and agriculture, has been elected in
! Fermonfe
| r12:3O a. m.-15th)-The Catholic can.
didates have been reelected in all the
! Flemish towns with large majorities
AS far as ascertained at this hour 1t ap.
pears the first trial of the new sys.
TEN has resulted in a severe check for
the moderate liberals. to the benefit
of the clcricals and socialists. The
clericals will remain the government
party, having opposed to them di
vided minority of liberals and social
lists.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1894-10-18
THE KING OF TONGA.
He VIII Propose to the Princess of Ha
wall, H|fi

Vancouver. r. c.. Oct 16-The
steamer Arawa arrived to-day bringing
the following Australian advices from
Victoria: The New South Wales FIX
ecutive assembly has passed resolu-
ton favoring the extension of fran
chise to women by n vote of 5S to 13.
During the last session of the Tonga
Parliament n meeting of the chiefs
was held to discuss the important
question of choosing n wife for the
king. -Four names were submitted to
his majesty. The first is a daughter
of the late King of Hawaii, and sister
to the lately deposed queen; second.
daughter Of Malieota, King of Samoa;
third. daughter Of Latte Timote, lead
ing chief of Fiji. and. fourth. daughter
of Maatau, high Tongan chief, late
deceased. 1t is said the king was
pleased to accept the suggestion and
that a proposal of marriage will be
sent to the first named lady, who Is In
England completing her studies.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1894-10-18

Denver, Oct. ia special dispatch
from Colorado Springs to the Times
Sun, says:
Deputy Sheriff X. G. Sterling at mid
night last night, shot and killed Jas.
Cannon, and wounded Thomas Short,
two prisoners he was bringing from
Victor to Colorado Springs. The shoot
ing occurred at Divide station, and
was, 1t is claimed. in self defense, the
men having endeavored to escape. Can
non and Short were arrested for being
implicated III holdup of the faro bank
at the Victor hotel on Saturday morn
ing. They were taken to the lookup
at Cripple Creek. The arrest caused
great ill-feeling among the associates
of the two men, both of whom have
been employed as miners in the Night
ingale. 1t was claimed by their friends
that Short and Cannon were attending
a dance at the time of the robbery
and were in no way connected with
it. 1t was rumored in Cripple Creek
on Saturday that an attempt would be
made to rescue them from the jail.
Deputy Sterling accordingly decided to
bring the men to Colorado Springs for
safe keeping. He set out last night
in wagon. Beside the prisoners and
himself there were two guards.
On arriving at Divide, about mid
night, the wagon was stopped in front
of a livery stable and the two men
taken out and told to go inside. Some
guns which Sterling carried, and also
his belt and his pistol, were taken
in and he and the guard went out af-
ter blankets. When they returned they
found the prisoners in possession OF
the guns. They covared him and he
ordered them to lay them down. A
struggle ensued, during which the
men threw down the guns, but held the
pistols and ran out OF the door. They
went in the direction of the railroad
track and Sterling followed. He com.
manded them to halt, but they refused
to do SO. They got behind some ties.
They, as Sterling states, said that they
would surrender. He walked up to
them and they fired two shots at him.
He returned them. There was no more
firing and he walked up to the place
where the men were. He found Cannon
lying on his face on the ground. He
was dying from a bullet wound In the
heart. He had also been shot in the
face. Short was wounded in the leg
but not dangerously.
Cannon expired within rev min
utes. The sheriff and coroner at this
place We're notified and the body OF
Cannon was removed to the morgue
here. Short was brought as a prison.
er, and is now in the El Paso county
Jail. Sterling used shotgun in re-
turning the fire, and Cannon's face
shows the result of the powder marks
The above story is as told by the dep
uty.
Advices from Victor state that the
most instense excitement over the
shooting exists. The friends of the
two men were very angry at the arrest
in the first place and its tragic term
ination may cause more trouble in the
district. The miners side of the story
is that the arrest was made on very
little ground, and that others have been
arrested and taken to Colorado Springs
A coroner's jury was called and after
hearing the testimony of Short and
Sterling, exonerated the latter from
blame. a..,5