The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1894-05-11

impossible for any but the loudest
sounds to penetrate this cylinder.
Usually when a man swears he talks
loud enough to almost tear the silk.
Now, when ! have the sounds impris-
oned / simply turn the phonograph and
reproduce them They pass through
the dis titled water and are taken up
by the molecules. Would you like to
hear some of these choice collections?"
mo, no, professor, l beg of you,
don't" cried Mrs. StrippIer.
ga thousand pardons," rejoined the
professor, apologetically. II was so
engrossed in the scientific portions of
my studies that forgot for the mo-
ment. But to go ahead, molecules,
you know. are the smallest portions of
any body or fluid known to science.
When have the water charged with
every oath the patient utters distill it
and inject the liquor into the system.
1t acts like drug and produces a cure.
Even if he wants to swear he cannot.
Here is Passamenti, my pet cat. 1t was
through It'll discovered this cure, which.
think, will be great boon to suffer
ing humanity.
81 inoculated Passamenti against
smallpox some time ago. The virus
became charged with the sound. To
my astonishment a week later found
that my cat could not yell at all; in
fact, it cannot make any noise what.
ever. will show YOU"
Here the professor held the cat up by
the tail high in the air. Not sound
came from the animal. He then
pinched his back, but the cat only
WINGED; there was no noise.
Mrs. Strippler looked amazed Prof.
Talliferioni's face in turn beamed with
satisfaction. IF you will consent /
will show you some of my patients" at
the same time opening the door which
led to large and cozy room. "This is
Mr.. Selfish" pointing to man sitting
at writing-desl and addressing him:
Il hope am not disturbing your
mo, no; not at ALL" replied Mr. Sell
fish. 81 just received letter from my
wife requesting me to send her some
money. l have made out check for
three times the amount she asks, and
was just getting it ready for the mail. +"
Prof. Talliferioni took Mrs. Strippler
aside and whispered: This man
could swear more than any man ever
heard He swore at everything and
anybody. But his malady became
worse when his wife asked him for
money to defray household expenses.
If she wanted to buy new hat or
dress he simply became uncontrolla-
BILE. His oaths would shake the fur
niture in the house. He has been here
three days only and you can see for
yourself the effect of my treatment.
His wife wrote him for money the first
day he was here and you should have
heard him. 1 caught his expressions
on the phonograph and injected them
into his system. See how it works?
''This is Mr.. Crossbar. He brought
his business troubles to his wife every
evening and put in the night in swear
ing because deal which he had fig
ured on had fallen through. A little
while ago told him his partner had
defaulted with half his fortune and he
only smiled.
''That gentleman over there with the
child on his knee is Mr.. Payne. The
little babe is his three-months-old SON.
His wife told me when the baby cried
nights her husband swore so hard it
drove her into Mysteries. The first day
he came here his language shocked
even Mr. Selfish. Now he is as docile
perfectly cured. Among the other peo-
pie whom have treated is subscriber
of telephone company sent here at
the company's expense because he
swore at the gir Is whenever they did
not answer promptly; an editor, who
had the habit of referring to his re-
porters copy as that rot; preacher,
who swore in subdued tones because his
congregation did not pay his salary
when it was due; and -
But Mrs. Strippler seemed to be sat-
| isfied.
What are your charges for the treat
ment?" she asked.
Five hundred dollars" replied the
professor
Mrs. Strippler left the sanitarium
and resolved on going home to tell her
husband of the wonderful cures Prof.
Talliferioni had accomplished. Her
husband agreed to pay her one dollar
each time he swore. The money was
to be saved by her and when five hun
dred dollars was collected William was
to put himself under the professors
care. The first month after his wife's
visit he had paid her seventy dollars.
The second only ten dollars. and for
four months after that she had not re-
ceived more than six dollars. At pres
ent it seems as if she will never have
enough money saved to pay for the
treatment. However, she is satisfied,
and says she does not care if William
does not go to Talliferioni, for he has
almost stopped swearing now.-Chica-
| go Tribune.
| Art In Oklahoma.
! Ladies' and gentlemen" said Col