West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1894-01-04
THE LIME KILN x1us.
sruddar Gardner Arraigns Some Of
The Brethren.

to Samuel Shin to drop another
empty soap box into tho stove, "dat
ssrtin members Of dis Lime Kilu
club has swore off. Brudder WAY.
down Bebee. I'se bin told dat yo'
resolved 70 be better man."
"Yes. sab. | did," proudly
replied Brother Bebee.
"waal. rzc sorry fur it. When
find a man nigh on to so vars
old resolvln to change hisself all
ober an begin at de bottom OF de
ladde agin, l haiu't got no faith IN
him. l allus feel dat he's practicin
some decepshun. Take yo'r case.
fur instance. While YOU has re-
solved to be better man, yo'
haven't cum around an paid me lat
IS borrowed money which yo' has
owed for two vars. Up to last
night yo' still owed yo'r grocer an
old balance, an he was dun threat
enin to punch yo' head. Early in
de fall yo' bought an obercoat of
Jedge johnson fur 81, prohiisin to
pay widin two weeks, but 1T seems
to hev slipped yo'r mind. Brudder
Shlndig Watkins, / larn dat on a
recent occashun yo' also swore off,
yo resolved not to run in debt any
mo-"
"Dat's what did, sah," replied
Brother Watkins.
81 hain't got no praise fur yo'
either, fur | don't believe yo' could
run in debt any mo- il yo' tried
cher SO hard. 1t was a cheap
resolve. 1t won't canse yo' any
sacrifice to hang right to it. How
am it wild 80, Jedgc Cabiff ? I'ze
bin told dat yo' resolved to save
800 dis next y'ar.'
eyes, sab," replied the Judge.
81 guess yo' kin do it if yo' beg
yo'r tobacco an make odder folks
pay fur yo'r beer, an dat's p'obabIy
what yo' am Gggerin on. Brudder
Samuel Shin, am it true dat yo'
resolved not to tell siigle lie for
twelve months ?"
1T arp exclaimed Samuel as
he bobbed up.
"I'ze sorry fur dat---werry sorry.
Fnr de last 10 Vars yo' has been
known rs de champion cull'd liar
OF dc United Starts. Yo' will dis
kiyer dat no one will how believe
yo' when yo' am speakin
dc sroof. Accordin TO what f'ze
heard, Sir Isaac Walpele, Admiral
Jones, Jedge Cahoots and Gineral
Rambo Green am among de dozen
or mo- OF yo' who has riz up to
nuke resolves. | obsarve on each
one OF yo'r faces a sort of sanity
sufferin look, as il dis resolve biz
ness was KILN yo' by inches, but
yo' was determined not to give in
till death cum. ! furder obsaryed
dat each an ebery one o. yo' am be-
bind IN yo'r dues. an wouldn't
trust one Of De lot widiu fo'ty rods
Of my hen roost on dark night I"
There WAS futtor Of excitement
throughout Paradise hall, during
which someone upset Elder Toots,
who was sound asleep, as usual,
aud someone else broke a lamp
chimney. Brother Gardner finally
raped foT order and continued,
"l'ze an ole man. Fur dc last
fo'ty y'ars I'ze been studyin my
feller man. I'ze made speshal
study Of dis rcsolvln an swarm of
business, an tell 20 plainly dat
doan' want nufIio to do wid q man
who has 10 wait for a pertick'lar
DAY to cum around 10 resolve to
lead q dlifcrent life. Oars too
much machinery about 1t. An /
has furder diskivefed dat dc sw'ae
% maa takes things mighty easy.
II hos a drinkin man, ho resolves
not 70 use any mo- profanity. n
he's a spcudthuft. be resolves not
10 pick 3 hght wid anybody. If
he's a liar, be resolves 70 save mo-
money. It's generally q resolve
widout dc slightest sacrifice, an it's
= resolve lastin from three 10 ten
days. When y0' mcots mp wid
man of 25, 80 kin fgger dtt his
ways am cot. He's got his streaks
o. lean an streakg o fat. lie
hain't too good nor too bad. When
dat pussoa gits out O. bed on a sar-
Tin pay aud calls hissolf drunkard
dead beat, gambler, hoss thief. liar
Al swindleF. look out fur him He
rft.ff tr Ia frnafaI half a. ~o..oi -.