The Dickinson press., 1894-02-17
He Was A Railroad Man.

w lusbCNOis
"Wl,ere did you come flom!"
"From General Manager st. John,
OF the c. b. & O."
"What did you come here to do!!"
ITO learn to subdue my energies
and improve the railroad service.'
"Then you are a railroad man. lin
fer"
II am 81 taken to be hy all officials
that know their business"
"How may l know you to he - rail
road mani"
"By looking over my letters and ex.
aiming me in the signals. Try me-"
"How will you he tried!"
"By the punch"
"Why by the punch?"
"Because it is an emblem of homes.
ty and the principal working tool of
my profession"
"!Where were you first prepared to
be u railroad manl''
"In my mind"
"Where next!"
"Upon II farm adjoining the right.
of.way."
"How was you preparcd!"
"By braking upon II threshing ma.
chine f.r six months, after which l
went to town and sought admission to
the Train Masters Office"
"How gained you admissions"
"By three cigars placed in the open
hand of the Train Masters clerk"
Glow was you re%ceived!'
Upon the gaze of the Train Mas.
ter applied to my physiognomy which
was thus explained: AS it is always q
source of great pleasure to the Train
Masters to receive callers, l should
drop in and chat will, him a little
while nlm' every occasion possible
"lIow was you disposed of!"
IL was seated in u chair near to III.
Train Masters desk and asked if
put my trust in safety coupling dew
ccs."
"YOur anSWer!'
"Not il l know myself. l don't"
"WlEat was then done with you!"
II IA led up and down the yar'
three times to accustom me to thu
noise of the trains, thence to the
Chief Dispatcher"
"IIow was you then disposed off"
II was seated upon u brake.whce
before Il train hox, and caused to take
the following horrible and binding
oath:
II Steve Sears, do hereby and here
OIL most everlastingly and diabolically
swear, Ivy the great Horn Spoon. thai
1 will always remit aud never concea
any of the cash collected 10y me IL.
conductor. and that / will not cut
make, Use, cOllect or remit amy cash
fares less than those found in the
regular tariff book.
IL further promise and swear thai
/ will not carry on my train free, any
RAILROAD mans wife. mother, sister
daughter or widow. or permit any
other conductor to do so, il l can pre-
vent it.
II further promise and swear tina
l will freely contribute to all sub
scriptions circulated to buy my supe
riOr officer a token of esteem etc.
us far as he may desire and my salar!
will permit, to all of which l solemn
ly swear, binding myself under NJ
less penalty than that Of having my
salary cut from year to year, all m!
pcrquisites taken away and expended
for sand ballast to put under the Nc
Kinney Ext ension. where the trains
come and go twice in twenty-fou
hours, so help me Bob Ingersoll ant
and keep my backbone stiff"
"What did you then behold}"
"The Train Masters clerk ap'
preached me and presented me will
a Bishop Safety Coupling Knife ant
luSLiuCI6u ln0 W tdk0 IL W tll0 AT
Master. who would teach me how t,
use it,"
"How are Bishop Coupling Knive
nscd!"
"By sticking them in the left hi
pocket with the blade turned up"
Mr.. Maxwell here informed the ap
plicant that he was satisfied that IL
he was q railroad man, and asked hin
if he would be off or from.
II will be off from here if you vii
give me a passenger train"
"Have 70! amy cigars!"
81 have
"Will you give them to meg"
''That is not the manner in which
got them and cannot so dispose o
them"
"How can I ge: them, then?"
II will match you heads or tails TO
them"
I'll go you; begin"
"YMu begin"
mo. begin yourself; you have tn
cigars"
"Bonrd."
GA"
".All.'
"All aboard. You are o. X. Com
around again III the morning and
will arrange to send you down TO til
Trinity & Sabine Division to take til
mixed train thpre."-CunStelldtiOu.