The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1894-02-16
A DEMOCRATIC PRAYER.

The following is prayer uttered
at a democratic convention in Col
orado some time since, and at the
repeated requests of various read
ers of The GAZETTE it is repro
lduced:
Our almighty and all.pewerful Cleveland,
who art in Washington when not fishing,
thou who are the father of Ruth and Ruth's
and the godfather of the democratic party,
tits father wouldn't own it if it were here. }
We hail thy name as the great political
prophet of the century. We bow down be-
fore thee in humble political obedience.
When thou sayest 90, we go; when thou
sayest come, we come. We have no desire
but to serve thee. If thou sayest black is
white, we will swear to it and lick the ever.
lastin' stuffin' out of the man that disputes
it. When thou takest snuff we will sneeze;
when thou sayest free silver, we will echo
thy words; when thou sayest gold, then
gold it is. We are all democrats after the
improved modern type. Our business is to
vote the ticket and vote 'er straight. What
is it to us whether we have free silver or
not? We are but dogs that eat the crumbs
that fall from our masters table. When
the crumbs fall we wag our tails; when they
don't fall we stand and wait until they do.
This is democracy. This is the kind of de-
mocracy that elected thee, our great and
almighty Cleveland. Oh, most adored mas.
ter, we love thee for what thou hast not
done for US. We love thee because thou
art Cleveland. We humby surrender our
selves to thee. Do with us as thou wilt.
Though wheat is but 4Oc. a bushel, we love
thee; though cotton is low, we love thee;
though business is dull, we love thee;
thousands, smillions, are out of employment,
still we love thee; though our children are
clothed in rags, we love thee; though our
wife, the dear companion of our bosom, is
scantily dressed and looks so shabby she
cannot 90 to church, we love thee; though
we are sinking deeper into debt and poverty
is knocking at the door and hunger is star
ing us in the face, we love the still. This
shows our great faith and love for thee.
flee, even as the Hindoo mother sacrifices
her offspring by throwing it under the crush.
ing wheels of the Juggernaut. Oh, mighty
Cleveland, words cannot express our love
for thee. We loSe our party too. What
dare ye about the Insay nre,afses n,edts
We know it promised free silver, cnd We
know it won't give it to us, hut we lied
when we said it. We thought that we had
some manhood about us but we aint. We
have no independence. Thou, oh, mighty
Cleveland, hast all the manhood and indie
pendence in the party. We are fools, liars,
ickspittles, mudsills. We have no business
to want anything or to say anything. Last
year we favored free silver, and now we
are to oppose it. Wefavored it then because
we thought it was right. We oppose it
now, most adored master, because thou
tellest US to- Amt we honey of the first
water? Did ever dog serve his master more
faithfully? Did ever dog get less for it?
Oh, mighty master, we are ever ready to
serve thee and party. All the pay we ask
is to be patted ON the back by some local
politician and called good democrat. We
aint got any sense. We don't want any,
ouly enough to vote the ticket. 1t don't
take any sense to be a good democrat.
What joyful thought! We don't have to
worry. Our work is all mapped out for us
All that is expected is to do what we are
told to do. We thank thee, oh, Cleveland,
that we are democrats. We thank t hee for
the panic. We thank the for the idle men
and women in the land. We thank thee for
low prices. We thank thee for the banks
that have busted and the thousands of busi
ness failures since thou hast come into
power. We thank thee for the hard times
for the clothes our wife needs and can't
get. We thank thee for what thou hast
done to the banker and what thou hast not
done for the people. We thank thee for all
of these things because it is our duty as
good democrat to do so. 1t may be against
the grain, but we will take our medicine.
We will work our wives to death, starve
our children, sacrifice our homes, cruelty
liberty and kill property, but will never 60
back on our dear old party, and on thee,
our most adored Cleveland. Thou art .-iore
account than all of us put together. Thou
knowest more than the South and the West.
Call us fools, spit in our faces, wipe your
feet on us, we will love thee all the more.
And now, our great political father, we
leave us in thy care. Do with us as thou
wilt. Pitch silver into the middle of next
century; give more privileges to the national
banks; issue more bonds; preserve the Nc
Kinley bill; establish state banks; foster
| trusts; bribe congressman with patronage;
| fish when thou carest to, and we will en-
dorse everything thou doest, carry Cleve-
land roosters, campaign Torches and for
;, ever sing thy praise. Amen.
| WHO'S AN APE?
Time was when the editor of tho Timas