The morning news., 1894-09-02
THE AESTHETIC SHARK.
BE Meets His Death in His Attempt to
Eat a Living Picture.

LdL a
From the New York Tribune
No fish with clear credentials as a man
eating shark has ever yet appeared in tho
East River. Yesterday however the
town was horrihed by the published ac
counts of a creature up near He'll Gate
that tried to be a woman-eating shark
He failed, owing to the courage and skill
of two or three persons who afterward
told the story. One of these is by pro
fession a diver. AS an amateur he is alsC
a "plunger' when it comes to fish stories
The claim is made for him that he knows
fish from suckers to whales. OF these
two varieties the former is sometimes a
fish, but not always, and the latter never
is. But that has little to do with the
case His eXpertness in distinguishing
them seems to have enabled the diver tc
recognize the persons to whom he told
the story as But it is time for the
story itself, Suffice it to say that many
of his hearers proved that they were not
sharks by swallowing the whole story
readily, and without having to turn over
on their sides.
The young woman whom the would-be
wOman-eating shark choose as his victim
is a living picture. IL is her business TO
stand in gold frame on the stage of O
theater with lovely electric lights all
around her, and TO let people look at her
When she is not professionally engaged
She goes in swimming This time she
went in at He'll Gate, the waters whereof
she knows all about.
Biologists say that the shark is an
oldfashioned fish, quite out of style il
not using bones His teeth are all the
bones he has that are worth mentioning
The shad, on the contrary, is now-fash
ioned fish. Nothing but the sharks sizt
and ferocity has kept him alive tErUugl
the geological ages. In this respect he /.
like the king crab. This bit of scientific
information is simply thrown in to make
the present account even more instructive
than it would be otherwise 10 is only as
a race that the shark is old-fashioned
When this particulr specimen picked out
the living picture he was just as much uI
TO date as any boneless human animal
that ever waited at a stage door
After all he did not do much to the
young woman Any one who was not on
the stage would hardly have noticed it at
all, He only pushed her. But young per,
sons VINO sing or act or pose on the stage
are sometimes sensitive about being
pushed. Once there was a prima donna
i'll New York who left the stage for a
whole summer because the tenor pushed
I
same sort of monster that the shark
seemed to the living picture. For it is
said that the fish turned over on his side
as sharks always do, and tried to eat the
living picture, quite oblivious Of the dele
terious chemical substances that enter
into the composition of almost all pic
lures
1t was then that the diver would have
cut the shark in two with his oar if il had
] l.. fsrt,F II Tfr.s -
the end of il. Not even in such supreme
moments as this does a self-respecting
diver so far forget his manners as to cut
his fish with a spoon Then another man
shot the beast. The fish proved TO be a
good many feet long. A certain clergy.
man used to tell his congregation that
the whale that swallowed Jonah was
three or perhaps four times as long as a
barn, somewhat depending on the size OF
the barn Perhaps this shark was more
or less feet long, somewhat depending on
the length of the feet.
But the most remarkable part of the
affair is the confession of the press agent.
Ordinarily the press agent is person
who is content TO do good works in
silence and TO let them be his monument.
He does not seek personal glory If his
employer becomes famous through the
world by his eXertions, that is enough for
MIN. BuJ Jhls press agent reallZed Too
much what a marvellous story he had
made he suffered pride to lift him up,
and yesterday he declared that he knew
five weeks ago that the shark was going
to bite at this living picture. And the
funniest part Of IL all is that a living
picture should have press agent, for II
was the living picture and not the shark
who employed the press agent The
reader should understand clearly that
this is the funniest part OF the whole af.
fair, lest, through inadvertence, he should
allow himself to think any inferior por.
tion of ii equally funny.
Seriously experts and general practi
TONERS in fish who do not make any
speciality of suckers, declare that there
never was a shark that would eat man
or woman or picture within fifty miles
Of New York, to say nothing Of the East
river The best that can be said TO all
who feel moved TO bathe in the East river
is: Let the good work 90 on" The re
suting benefit TO the community will be
greater than the loss Of all the citizens
that will ever be eaten by sharks in all
the water around from New Rochelle u
Yonkers.