Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-08-02
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INoS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokeiets that Are Supposed 10
Have Been Recently Born-sayings and
Dolngs that Are Odd. Curious, and Laugh
sbls-The Weeks Humor.

MANY man Is living an honest
life who wouldn't IL the Jail were fur
Their of. Rams Horn.
LITTL. DoT-Why do you pray so
loud. for things you want? God isn't
deaf Little Dick-No, but grandpa
is.--Life. (
"HARDUP-Hello, Charlie! Your
trousers bag at the knees. Dedbroke
-Iwish they bagged at the pocket
bcok!--Truth.
lRATE FATHER-When l die,
shall leave you without penny.
Calm Son Certainly. You can't take
money along, you know. Truth.
BosToN girl-Do you know, / fancy
heaven will be Much like Boston.
Chicago gir.-Whyy Because there
won't be men enough to go around
Life.
WIFEyAThe proof of the pudding
Is In the eating. The brute-I know;
but / think scientific research has
already numbered enough martyrs.
Truth.
GUIDE-NOw you will have to be
careful; many tourist has broken
his neck at this spot. Gent Ito his
wife)-Augusta, you go first. Spare
Moments.
GIBBS is a great lawyer. His cross
examination always embarrasses a
witness" "How does he do it?" ASKS
IL each statement made in direct ex-
animation is true. Truth.
THERE'S a friend down stairs
waiting for you; says he wants you
only for a minute" MIR. Catchon-
Here, James, take this ten dollars
and keep 1t until l come back,
Fun. 900, D.
NELLIE-Why do you send out your
wedding invitations so far in advance?
Millie-Many of our friends keep
their money in savings banks. aud
have to give notice. New York
Weekly.
Mrs. ,SUBURB-Why in the world
don't you grease that lawn-mower of
yours! Neighbours Hired Man
The missus told me not to till you
had your piaDer tuned. New York
Weekly.
SHE-lf every atom of the human
body Is renewed every seven years,
cannot be the same woman that. you
married. He-I've been suspecting
that for some time. New York
Weekly.
NOTICE Lushley at the banquet
last night9 Seemed to enter into the
spirit of the thing freely" "Er-
yes; but not so freely as the spirits of
the thing entered into him. - Buffalo
Courier.
SHE-Here's a bill from the doctor.
He-What's it for? Ethel know,
mamma. Doctor spoke cross to me
yesterday on the street. and l stuck
out my tongue at him. -YOnkers
Statesman.
DEACON GRAyELEIGH-Do you be-
lieve In infant damnation, Mr.. Pop
leigh? Popleigh (who has spent most
of the night doing ghost dance with
his youngest-fervently)-Yo bet 1
do!-Truth.
WHY asked the boarder at the
head OF the table, ARE ham and eggs
always associated together" "That, I"
remarked the very bad actor, eager
ly, as just what would like to
know. "-Detroit Tribune.
NAUGHTY LADY (who has just pur-
chased stamp)-"Must l put it on
MYSELF" Postoffice Assistant very
politely)-"Not necessarily, madam;
it will probably accomplish more If
you put it on the letter. Newark
Ledger.
PATRON Waiter, waiter! can't you
hurry up that steak? I've been wait
ing ten minutes. Waiter-Sorry,
sir; but it takes five minutes to
pound it and seven to cook it. 1t
will be ready shortly.
Traveller.
examinations for promotion now, in
stead of in the fall when the school
opens. Father-Why? Boy-'Cause
when school begins In the fall we
none of us ever know anything. -
Good News.
HE-Do you think, darling, that it
would be advisable for me to speak
to your father to-day? She-Well,
hardly. dearest He remarked this
morning that the fire. crackers you
gave my little brother woke him up
at 3 o'clock.
WILLIs-When my wife makes me
a.present IT. is sure to be something
that will last Wallace-My wife is
just like her. Five years ago she
made me a ,present of one hundred
cigars, and / have ninety-nine of
them yet.-Life. :,
WILLIE-Say, papa, can't have a
dollar for some more fire-crackers?
Slimson-But I let you have IS this
morning. Willie-I know it. But
used them all up on mammals pet
dog. Slimson-Here, my boy, take
IS more.-Life.
DAsHAwAY-Here's telegram an
nouncing that my uncle is dead. I've
been expecting 1t all along. Clever
ton--How do you know he is dead?
You haven't read it Dashaway-
No; but is he were alive 1t would
come collect. brooklyn Life.
A CALLER had mentioned that a
neighbor had been obliged to shoot
hie dog hecause no had grown old a M