The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1894-03-24
Av,sls TO UTAH.
Al Instance Of the Prepondernnce .
Smiths In That Territory.

A. Instance OF the Preponderance ss
smiths In That Territory.
That know about q magnificent
territory and It's vastly interesting
population is due solely to accident
had become ashamed of sailing east
year after year, and made up my MIND
to hitch my wagon to the star OF en-
pire and learn something OF my OWE
great country.
I know there was territory called
Utah, where Mormons indulgcd In the
domestic ecccntricity of polygamy, and
that was all. / might visit Salt Lake
City. All would depend upon circum
stances. All did. 1t CHANGED that In
the middle of October found myself
In q mining town.
was to cross the mountains or
horseback, and snow blocked the way
I sat disconsolately in one OF those
hostelries that reconcile you to instant
death. 1t was gotten up on the noble
principle Of violating every longing O..
the human SOUL
No lath and plaster had ever defiled
the virgin boards that separated one
human being from another. 1t didn't
make any difference which door was
banged upon. All humanity responded
to the thunder. AS even a worm will
turn, SO did my soul revolt when one
morning at an unearthly hour voice
from my keyhole shouted: ''Smith, it's
time to skip!'
"My names not Smith," replied,
aroused from dreams of home.
"What is your name, then? If it isn't
Smith it ought to be-you're down in
the register as Smith"
"No. that's not Smith," shouted my
opposite neighbor, the day clerk.
''Smith's at the end of the hall"
"Well, this is the end of the hall"
"Aren't there two ends? It's the
other end, you fool"
"Who wants Smith?" asked q sharp
voice in the distance. "I'm Smith,"
whats the matter? I'm Smith, y
shouted still another voice.
Were the guests all Smiths, myself
excepted?
SWELL, whichever Smith wants to gel
up at four o'clock, him's the one, u
growled the keyhole.
Both the Smiths slammed their re.
spective doors with aibig, big D..
"It's Smith in No. l." screamed the
day clerk, and the idiotic porter per
formed reveille on No. until the
right Smith responded. and everybody
but the other two Smiths and myself
put out their heads wanting to know
where the fire was
If sleeping were farce, what shall
say of the feeding?
Eat, drink and be merry" was thu
cheerful salu tation suspended over the
dining room entrance. 1t was sickly
sarcasm, as there was nothing to eat
nothing to drink away from the bar
and being merry under such circum
stances was more than could be ex
pected from even a Mark Tapley.
This was not the town where reat
the significant scale of prices war
ranted to meet the requirements Of any
appetite:
Snwera ,,,aai
square meal. .......................... z
Perfect gorge. ........... ..................
dared not expostulate, for it was il
this sylvan retreat that an innocen
''tenderfoot'' was asked by the waiter
who carried his right hand to the real
of his person and laid it firmly upon ,
very perceptible pistol, Ham o
bacon?"
'Both," replied the "tenderfoot.
This was too much for human endur
ance. Drawing forth his pistol, tn
unsophisticatedc child of the mountain
exclaimed: mo sich epicurean gor
mandism were allowed in that ar com
munity!"
Being taken for ''Smith" was an in
suit; being starved to death was an in
jury. 1t was time for me to go. Shak
ing the snow off my feet, madl
started for the nearest big town. |
CHANGED to be Salt Lake City. eS
| pected to remain week. Itarried on
year.-Kate Fields Washington.