The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1894-11-16
A DARKY'S IDEAL,

From the New York Advertiser.
''Haz yer got any stomped antelope5
fur sale here, boss?"
''Stomped what?' said the astonished
proprietor of the country store.
'Stomped antelopes, dat yer put er
letters in. an sent it to de pos Office.
promise Florinda | gwine write her
er letter, an 1 boun' ter keep my
word"
Yes, I have plenty of these, but
who is Florinda?7
She's my wife. boss. or least ways
when git my crap laid by low ter
git er license. an gin her dat entitle-
nent. Ever since / had de Ter grip las
| winter. an de Ter manrial fever IN de
summer time. I'ze had or misery in my
chist, an been kin'er poly, thank God,
an need somebody to take keer er me,
so dun 'cided ter git married.
Dis comm spring FlOrinda Jane
kin help me powerful in de crap. She's
ez likely err han eZ ever you seed in er
| cotton patch. en- Square Thomas SCI eff
/ marries her dat he gwine sell me er
| Ian ter bull err house on. Dat he kno'
kin pay for it den.
| rs kinder no count en- trifiin' like,
! but Fiorinda she kno' how ter make
| buckle an tongue meet, she do. Gaze
| dun seed her tried. She been married
twist afore dis. do she's er young oman
| yit; but she's bin powerful misfortu-
nate. Her fust huSban' got woun' up
in er cotton screw. en- WIZ Dongreled
ter deaf, and fore she done o'nin' fur
him, her secon' husban' got sont up fur
eight years fur hog stealth an udder
devilment. It's wilder woman dat |
gwine marry, yer see"
But what will you do when her Sec
ond husband serves his term and comes
homer"
Well, dun ranged fur dat, boss.
| moight be glad ter gin her up when
dat time comes, an eff so jus turn her
cber ter him. But eff she amt sickly,
an | fin her err likely oman ter liv
wild. den for dat times / kin buy di-
vorcement dockerments. l dun 'auired
inter de matter, an thirty dollars will
pay fur all de papers an de lyers
throwed in. FIorinda Jane got her
bedstead, an chist, an four split bot
tom cheers, an er bolster, an feather
bed, an truck err dat kim, dat IL with
mo- en- de papers will cost. 1t won't
be no spense ter me. an ! pufficly
willin' eff she suits ter spen' il on her.
l don't low.ter get married widout it's
cOstin' me sumpen. ] already gin her
er 'gagement ring, wild err green glass
set in it, an ] low ter buy her er pair
er year hobs fur CIR bridal present.
Yes, sir, want her saterfed, Gaze |
dunno what she wants wild me no
how, fur l amt no likely shakes of er
niger. l 'spose it wuz de ginger cake
color dat tuck her fancy, dat | disin-
herited frum NV deceasted mudder
OATS dead, Gaze tlorinda. she's just ez
dark complicated an shiny ez your
boots. But she suits me to er Il.
Il want somebody ter patch an
men fur me. an cook my victuals
done, an she kin fill de bill. Eff she
JUS do her part an mine erbout de
house an raise de chickens an de pigs
an de washin', an splittin' up de wood
an totin de water, an comb my ha'r
on Sundays, an work in de .fel Mon
day an every udder day when de crap
IL in de grass. an when it's got to be
gethered III do my part. Dey amt
nuthin' mean nor ibw lifeted erbout
me. | ulster blong ter quality, did.
an Ino's how ter treat err wife. do"
You do, hey? Well, what's your
part?"
My part IL alters ter have in er de-
cent an specterble matter. | nebber /
spects ter beat my wife, less she's /
powerful aggervatin', nor let no udder
niger do it. | gwine buy her er cali ;
co coat an er pair shoes an Miss Nal /
why's ole hat twist er year, an let her !
sing jess ez loud in de meetin' ez she /.
wants ter. Den gwine let ,her ten /
all de funerals dat comes on sunday /
an sit up wild de sick an eat at de fus 4
table with me, an what oman, white /
or black, could spec mo- en- dat?
Eyes, sir: my wife 9wine have er .
good easy time eff she's err wuckin' /
niger. But eff she's no count an 4
tritlin' like me | gwine gin her her /
walkin' papers an git ernudder. | can't /
s'pote two no count niggers. But I
don't comprehend no trouble wild
Florinda Jane, Gaze she's er wuclzer
frum way back. Course, dun tote her
all day erbout
Roses red an viOletS blue.
'Lasses sweet, and so IL you,
en- bout
Aiv lub fur you shall ebber flow
Like water down er tater row,
but dun told her besides what | gwine
marry her fur. an she knows ] can't
stan no foolishness. But Florinda
Jane she's likely young gal. She IL I
amt er feared ter buy her er license,
amt.
Boss, | lates ter trouble yer. but I'd
he much erbleeged ef you would put
dis letter in de stOmped antelope an
back il ter Miss FIOrinda Jane White
side. er Widder Oman, kear or her
de Foreman in De
Brick Var Eufala Alabama.
EARLY WHALING INDUSTRY.
Prom tae New London Telegraph,
The earliest records indicate that
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