Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-08-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

els.
1t is seldom difficult to appear nat
hral when you have no desire to
please. Puck.
1t frequently happens that the fire
of genius has difficulty in making the
pot boil. il.-Puck.
My neighbor calls his cat "There-
by"--because from it hangs tall
Arkansaw Traveller.
Strange as it may seem, it some
times happens that an old salt gets
into trouble by being too fresh.
Almost every woman we know would
like to know what some other woman
has got to be so proud Of .-Atchlson
Globe.
Paddy's latest feat was to pawn his
gun, preparatory to days shooting,
in order to buy cartridges. London
Truth.
There is plenty of room at the top;
but there isn't enough for one-tenth of
the people who think they ought to be
there. Puck.
The peace maker is commendable
character, but he is not esteemed by
the fellow who is getting the best OF
the fight. Puck.
The part of mans salary that he
usually doesn't spend is the part he
would receive if he were getting what
he is worth. Puck.
"Galton had his lawn mower stolen
last night" "dreat Caesar! What
lucky fellow he has always been. -
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Speaking of bereavement, Jones af-
firms that no death ever affected him
so sadly as that of his wife's first hus-
band. Salem Gazette.
Two words sometimes make long
sentence. For instance, when the
Judge remarks to the prisoner:
"Twenty years. Truth.
You may speak as you will of pedi-
gree generally, but in sleeping car
t is mans berth which raises him
above his fellow passengers.
An exchange tells chow to make
fountain pen work satisfactorily"
Another way is to give it to one OF
your enemies. Texas Siftings.
There is that in woman's disposi-
tion that induces her to give anything
she has to the poor, providing they
will use it her way.-Atchison Globe.
1 kissed her dozsn times last night,
Aul now it makes me sore
To think that II I'd only stayel,
might haye had one more.
Life.
A woman's idea of loyalty is to loan
her best silverware to neighbor who
is giving q party, and say nothing
when she hears it praised. -Atchison
Globe.
Jacls-"What sort of girl is she?"
Jim-"Oh, she is miss with mis-
sion." "Ah" "And her mission is
seeking man with a mansion"
Spare Moments.
The lightning flashed, the lightning crashed,
Tho skies were rent asunder.
With shrck and wall loud blow the gale,
And then it rained like thun1e
Puck.
Willy Wilt--"Do you know, 1 fancy
I have quite literary bent" Van
Demmitt-"All right, my boy; keep
on and you'll be worse than bent
you'll be broke. PUCK.
Nudge" "Er--Miss Laura, I hope l
am not talking too much about my
self" Miss Laura--"Oh, no. You
have to be talked about by somebody,
of course. indianapolis Journal.
No wonder the modest violet
Drops shyly out Of sight
II 1t hears all the poems
People about it write.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Housokeeper-"Are you sure that
this tea isn't half copperas?" Dealer
(convincingly)-"We couldn't afford
to sell copperas ut the extremely low
price we charge for this tea, ma'am.
New York Weekly.
L'Enfant Torrible-"Have you got
another face?' Mrs. Homeleigh-
"No. dear; why do you ask?" Len
FAINT Terrible-"Mamma said you are
two-faced; but I thought if you had
another one, you wouldn't wear that
one. london Tid-Bits.
In the gloamlug, o my darling,
Where the nights are six months long,
If stayed till midnight darling,
Would you think that 1t was wrong?
Would you work the old gags on me?
Would you murmur, soft and low
That [ might be late for breakfast.
Or the clock was six weeks slow?
Detroit Free Press.
Teacher-'Now, Johnnie, you may
tell us this: Suppose your mother had
told you to come home at five o'clock,
and you did not go; what would you
be doing?" Johnnie-"I don't know
whether it would be swimmin' or
playin' baseball" - Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
"What have you named your new
boy?" civilian. | wanted to get
name that would be sure to fit" 81
don't quite catch" "Why, don't Won
see, if he grows up to bea real nice,
good kind of young man he will be
called Willie, and if he should happen
20 turn out pretty tough he can be