The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-10-23
The Major Has Concluded to Live a While
Lonper--Mrs Bilkins Gets Sick.
- Hello! Mr.. Editor"

B.-"Hello! Mr.. Editor"
R-"Hello! Major. Hope you have
fully recovered from your recent i'll.
ness"
BIN sum better, thank you. l
will disappint Betsy, l reckon. She
hes bin ~expectin' me ter shuttle off my
mortal coil before the election, but l
hev konkluded not to do so. I wuz
turbly upset by the news frum the
Georgy eIectshun an I hain't got over
it yit. The shock wuz offul. But I'll
hev ter grin an bear. I expect I'll hev
another relapse when the electshun
Gums off in ole North Caroliny. My
poor hart il purity nj busted, though.
Well, I reckon whatever liz ter be will
be an I can't help it. If the CO opera
shun folks carry every county a n'elect
the Supreme Court an all the Kon-
gressmen it will be an awful blow ter
awl us offs seekers. 1t will break u
harts awl ter flinders"
R-Cheer up, old man. Everything
happens for the.best. Since the world
began there has been many ups and
downs. Now and then the bottom rail
gets on top. Even the weather is
not always warm and pleasant Some
times it is hot enough to roast beef,
then it gets cold enough to freeze a
brass monkey. Let us hope that all
will be well and that the approaching
election will be the turning point in
the history of the country-a turn for
the better"
BETSY got NIFTY sick n day
last week. I thought she WIZ goin'
ter faint certain"
R.-"What caused Mrs. Bilkins to.
get sick?'
B.-"Sumbody brought a Raleigh
paper out here whut sed that Mr.. Jo-
sephus Daniels wuz goin' ter try an
fill Zeb Vance's shoes in the United
States Senate. Betsy turned deathly
pale az soon az she heard this. l tell
you I wuz scared fer a little while, She
sed it made her nifty dizzy-headed ter
hear SIGH news. She wants me ter ask
you whittier are we driftin' an if you
don't think the wurld il comm ter an
end in less than six months"
RI can't explain the many curl,
Gus things now occurring. Recently a
middle weight prize fighter challenged
the champion heavy weight fighter Of
the world. The middle weights and
feather weights are running for the U.
s. Senate. At least ten thousand men
think they ought to wear Vance's
shoes 1t may all be On account of the
great desire to hold office, or it may be
an Indication of the near approach Of
the end of time. At any rate it is q
serious matter and the brains of scien-
lists and microbe inspectors are badly
befuddled. The country is producing
statesmen, but the cheeky politicians
have them all obscured with their wild
gestures and incessant clamor for
Office. Ten thousand politicians out of
a job in North Carolina and the papers
still declare that times are improving.
Heretofore the politicians have pre-
tended to be on the side of the people.
To-day many Of them denounce all re
forms and offer to reduce the masses
to slavery. This is a strange era.
Road ~overseers and ward politicians
think they ought to jump from their
respective positions to the Senate or
the Presidency"
Bit is blamed curious. 1 baleeve
the wurld is cummin' to an end and l
reckin if We dy makrats are defeated
we won't car much, fer u mission
here will be done. Goodbye"
ALLIANCE NEWS NOTES.
Brief Items Rniled Dnwn -.The Great Or.