The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1894-03-22
xxxV-AMsRlcAN ADVERTISEMENTS.
They Are Amoag the Wonders of th
MnrIh In OtReII,. E,e.

They Are Amoas the Wonders Of the
World in o'ReII's Eyes.
The Anne ricans Of today are so biase
on the matter OF advertisements that il
is difficult To attract their attention with
out getting Up extrayagant bats for their
ewes.
The most effective bait is the illus
tTated advertisement. Here, for in
stance, is the 'Capiliine,' which makes
the hair and whiskers grow as if by
magic. You have TO be 50 careful in
handling the stuff that if u drop should
fall. say, Oh your nose, a tuft of hair
would almost Immediately grow thereon.
| culled the following advertisement
from one of the New York papers:
LAS COLLECTOR OR SALESMAS.-Slim,
sleek, slender, sharp, shrewd, sensible.
sarcastic Yan,1, seeks a situation in some
store (uotice the attractive whizzing of
the ss) hotel or office, as collector or
salesman; I&s highest references. and
push and cheek of an army mule; can
sell goods or collect bills with any man
on the continent of North America
Bucks county, Pa. included)."
III q I4-iit III S1oSl o4INEJ L iNti'i. 4Oii-
serial aLace-Profcssor Rogers has your
hair cut under his own supervision.
How is it cut:-As you like it (Shakes-
peare)."
President Cleveland, wishing one day
to see certain circus performance, sent
to retain a box. The circus proprietor
Immediately hired, and sent about the
streets of the town, a small army of
sandwich men, carrying an advertise
ment worded as follows:
1.-THE president of the United States
with his young and beautiful wife Will
honor the circus with their presence this
evening"
There was such a demand for seats
that numbers of people were refused;
but Mr.. and Mrs. Cleveland, having
heard that their names had served as an
advertisement, did not appear.
Many a lrietless man of the law sends
his card around to the occupants of the
various prisons. AS an improvement
upon this, would suggest-and do not
doubt it has already been done:
"Mr. X, advocate, presents his COM
pliments to the gentlemen of the light
finger, and hopes to be honored with
their confidence. No fees unless the case
is won. Mr.. X. is eloquent, persuasive,
tender, pathetic, impulsive, violent, just
as the case may demand. He can dis
concert witnesses and touch the jury.
Many great criminals owe him their lib
erty and even their lives"
In the smoking room of the Germanic
one day an American, who sat near me,
said:
81 believe you are going to America to
lecture, sir"
eyes" l replied, Il am"
"Who is booming your show, may I
ask" he said III the most natural way in
the world.
Upon getting this Americanism ex-
planned had the satisfaction of finding
that my iIlterlOcutor's question simply
meant in English: who is your impre-
sario?"
The greatest "boomer' in America Is
the great, the only, the unique Barnum.
Mr.. Phineas 7. Barnum, pursued by
fate, is every five years ihe victim of a
contiagration. His fires happen with
terrible regularity. While | was in
America his tigers and elephants were
burned out of house and home. Scarcely
had the flames been eXtinguished when
there were paragraphs in the papers to
say that Mr.. Barnum s agent was buying
fresh animals for the biggest show on
earth. and all over the walls of Ameri-
cas- cities were to be seen tlaring posters
representing PhineaS Barnum rising
from the flames like modern phoenix.
Mr.. Barnum holds in small esteem the
man who lets slip a chance of making
money, He would think it quite natural
to offer 50. 900 a week to Gen. Boulanger
to show himself in his museum, and
would think it very unnatural that the
genera! should refuse such a handsome
offer.
One day Mr.. Barnum took it into his
head to make al offer for the house in
which Shakespeare was born. The Eng
lish fired up at the idea, and he had to
abandon his project and be satisfied with
Jumbo.
If every European nation were to be-
come a republic. the dethrOned mon
archs could go and make their fortunes
III 1hLltIl'd, dIltt tllc SltdttSl dluOIlIOI VI
Mr.. Barnum would be realized.
My impresario had just engaged me
for a lecture season in the States and
Canada.
81 shall have two Europeans on my
list next year." he said, "Mr. Charles
Dickens and yourself. l wanted two
others, but they are not to be had"
THAT is not very fattering," said I,
"but who are the two Europeans you
cannot get?"
"Mr. Gladstone and Lord Randolph
Churchill" he replied quite calmly.
Then he added with sigh:
Yes, Gladstone would have made
lump, and Churchill would have been an
elegant success"
TO BE CONTINUED.