The Newtown bee., 1894-01-26
We've Got It At Last, Ye Crusty Old Bachelors, A Substi-
 ute For Woman.

W have been adding to our stock of furni- ture At 1awleyville a patented article espe- cialIy made and adapted to doing the things q woman can. An article that, in some lines of labor, can accomplish more than any ten Of the smartcst women you can pick out be- tween Passamaquoddy bay and the back
 bone of the Rockies substitute and, on woman. Now when you realize how long n time it is since an improvement woman as originally planned, you must ac- knOWl ledge that we've "Struck it rich" for these hard times, but we wish it distinctly un- derstUOd that we have formed no league for the GNtcrminatiOn or crowding of woman of the sphere. We still hold to the opinion that she Is real necessity, but you know there are lots Of men-crusty old bachelors, gener- ally-who take an opposite view and believe that marriage and women in general are colossal failures of the first magnitude; seem- ingly tender hearted men, tOo-men who would take pains to warm the water when drowning female infants These are the men who argue that the first man and his pros pets and his descendants and their prospects were seriously injured, crippled and almost plotted out by that miraculous surgical oper atiOn on his rib. There are thousands Ot just | them so that It seems to us there must De money in it for us to boom and push the sale | of this article and we have made arrange mentS with the manufacturers to keep us SUD- 1 piled with all styles and sizes. We acknOWl- | edge that our motives purely mercenary | tor you must know that it is very distasteful 1 to us to willingly do anything detrimental to | the interests Ot the fair sex, and especially anything that points toward substitution or l l hard and we must do something to keep the | wolf from the door. Hunger has even been | known to cause men to slay and eat a boon companion and fellow traveller. Our princi- pal industries at HawleyVil1e, as you have | been told, are iii the main furniture and the natural propagation of pOllywogs. The pas | sage ot the silver bill did not seem to help us much. During July and August the polly wOg hatcheries in the great north frog ponds | were in a wonderfully prosperous condition. | w. could point with pride to countless mil Ions; great fat fellows with tails so large that ttn could almost waggle the wog. "Hard
 in" s,'' with it's insidious, invisible work IngE. struck the country, and about the time | ut Wilson bill was reported and many in- Custries suddenly became paralyzed we dis covered that every pollywog's tail was be- dropped of. Yes, sir, dropped off, and now, since the press of the country upon the tariff, the wogs themselves have followed the example set by the tails and dropped off also; not wog nor a tail to be found in all our vast expanse of hatcheries, and yet they have been held strict. ly aloot from the contaminating influence ot the partisan press. There seems to be mys
 terious, unheard, unseen, sympathetic under
 current Ot thought and feeling permeatine every town and hamlet and frog pond of ou1 whether they will or no. Such paralyzing o1 the wheels of "infant industries" was never . before known in Hawleyville- Therefore
 iair readers, we teel that you will pardon us
 for engaging in the sale ot an article so detr1
 mental to your interests w trust the clouds
 will soon lift and we may be able to say and
 do something that will help your cause as
 much as we now injure it. In fact, we've got
 to, whether the clouds lift or not, for come tc
 think, we have one of your own sex right IT our family that we've sworn to look alter anC r sustain thFo' thick and thin, storm and tenn
 pest, sunshine and shadow, tariff tariff
 But to the men who don't believe Tn woman
 and are looking tor substitute we say come
 and see us, we've got just what you want
 You can run it yourself if you want to and i can't run you. Wears no silks frills ant
 eats no bon bons. Will do everything in it line you ask it to- but sew on suspender but tons. It draws the line there (what woman Goesn'D, but we look during the year for al | improved button sewing attachment whereb. we can run man right through without dis
 robing him and in four to six revolutions seV
 on every button, mend his pockets and creas his trousers. In the meantime don't forge
 that. although the air is filled with rumors c
 hard times, we are still distributing furnitul
 at HawleyvilIe as of old and nov headquarters in Western Connecticut for tn
 NEW HOME SEWING MACHINE. Don't yo
 buy till you see us; you'll be sorry if you dt A. c. BAKER,
 {, New Furniture Warerooms, Opposite Unit
 Depot, Hawl6yville. Conn.