The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1894-01-09
THE FALL OF BOWSER
HE STRIKES A TACK AND COMES
DOWN STAIRS WITH A CRASH.
IL IL Easy Enough to Put Down Stair
Carpet IL You Only Know How. and Bow
ser Thinks He Does-neasures for q FL
nal Separation.

ser Thinks He Does-Measures for q FL
nal Separation.
Copyright 1894, by Charles b. Lewisl
whats thisi" asked Mr.. Bowser as he
entered the sitting room after the evening
meal and found bundle in his favorite
chair.
"Thatr Oh. that's my crash,n replied
Mrs. Bowser as she removed it.
more towels for the kitchen, eh' How
many thousand roller towels does that girl
get away with In the course of the year,"
Its crash for the stairs. The carpet is
getting a bit worn in the middle, and
want to save 1t. The carpet man said he'd
come up and put it down this evening, but
he was probably too busy"
Yin other words, be liedr' growled Mr..
lBowser. II never knew a carpet man yet
who wouldn't lie rather than tell the truth.
What was your object in paying him Sc or
IS to put that thing down."
six or $6i Why, he will only charge 30
centsl"
"Well, have we any 30 cent pieces to
throw away' Mrs. Bowser, let me call
your attention to the fact that this country
has been on the verge Of bankruptcy for the
last six months"
"weff. we can save sc cents in crash and
wear out $40 worth Of carpet" she an-
swered as she noticed that he was smok-
ing his usual brand OF cigars--two for 25
cents.
I'VE will save the 80 cents and wear out
nothing. / shall put down the crash my
self. ! was just wishing there was some
little job around the house could do"
"Do you think-think you could make
good job of i'll" she hesitatingly asked.
"And why not, Mrs. Bowsers"
well, you know you get out of patience
IL things don't go just right: and it always
ends in your blaming me-"
Never got out of patience in all my life.
Never blamed you in all my born days. I'll
have that crash down inside of Is minutes,
and it will be as neat job as you ever saw
done. All ask of you is TO remain right
here and not do any bossing"
Mr.. Bowser got hammer and tacks, un-
folded the crash on the stairs and removed
his coat and vest. He had just begun work
when Mrs. Bowser came TO the foot of the
stairs and queried:
'Do you expect to get that down straight
without measure or guide to go byy"
Perhaps you have written book en-
titled "What Know About Crash" re-
piled Mr. Bowser as he hammered away.
"You went get it straight without
measure"
Mr.. Bowser whistled and hummed to
show his Indifference, and he was looking
st the head of tack with one eye and had
the other on Mrs. Bowser when the ham,
mer struck his thumb. and he uttered a
yell which made the cook in the kitchen
drop the teakettle. He also sprang up and
kicked the top stair three times as hard as
he could swing his leg
II knew how it would be. The carpet
man would have put that down.
1.-THE carpet man be hangedl Didn't l
tell you to go away? You are hanging
around here expecting to see me knock my
nose of, but you'll be disappointed. You
either get ints the sitting room or give up
this jobl When i can't manage to tack
piece of blamed old crash over blamed
old stair carpet, I'll 60 off and bury my
self"
"Well, please get it straight, because ev-
cry bit of it will show from the front door"
Straight! Am l a squint eyed China
man or purblind Eskimo? II you start it
straight, it's bound to come out straight
There may be bald spot on top of my
head, Mrs. Bowser, but there is nothing
baldheaded about my eyesight."
middle stair, when she returned to take an
other look. One glance was enough.
"Mr. Bowser. you've got that down
crooked. You've pulled it way over to the
left as you came down. knew you'd do it,
without guide"
"Hey? You back againi Where is it
pulled to the leftf"
1T begins on the second stair from the
top"
''Neverl If that isn't bee line, I'll eat
dough for week"
"But measure it with the handle of your
hammer. It'san inch more to the left than
to the right"
Mr.. Bowser measured 1t was at least an
inch and a half. He couldn't deny it, for
Mrs. Bowser was at the bottom of the stairs
ready to come up. He did the best thing he
could do under the circumstances, or he
started out to do it.
Its straighter than the straightest line
ever drawn by mortal hand" he shouted,
"but If you are going TO stand there and boss
and find fault and jaw around, why''----
He had his back to her. He seized the
crash with both hands and ripped it Off the
step above him and was moving ON the next
when his left knee struck tack waiting for
. job The sudden pain and surprise over
balanced him. and Mus Bowser suddenly
saw something coming down stairs. 1t was
Mr.. Bowser. He never missed n step. 1t
couldn't have been done more nicely by n
first class actor in a first class play. There
were eight steps, and Mr. Bowser uttered
eight yells. As he brought up at the bot
tom one of his feet struck the hall tree and
upset it, and the other sent chair crashing
against the front door.
Are you hurt, dear'" anxiously asked
Mrs. Bowser as the dust settled down.
Mr. Bowser slowly got mp and linped into
the sitting room and sat down. For 10 min
utes he sat anG glared at Mrs. Bowser i'm
cold and stony way and then finally said
ave will have breakfast half an hour
earlier than usual, rs you will want to catch
that 0 o'clock train for your mothers. YOU
can have the custody of the child, and our
respective lawyers will settle the question l
ofalimony. Good night, designing womanl
Thank heaven, but my eyes are open at
lastr