The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1894-08-22
WIT AND HUMOR.


-Atchisoia Globe.
We do not like to be lied about. But
most of us probably lie more about our
selves than anybody else ever does.-
Boston Transcript.
Heller heart is as hard as glass. /
can't make any impression on it. She
Have you tried diamond?-Kate
Fields Washington.
A reason to distrust the man who
talks in fatherly tone to girls is that
it is tone fathers never adopt to their
children. -Atchison Globe.
Said an Irishman the other day to
friend: "Arrah, where will you find
modern building that has lasted as long
as the ould wansp"-Londone IIt-BitS.
Ada-rve been wondering all day
why you weren't invited to the Big
CLOVIS. Kitty (sweetly)-And I've
been wondering why you were.-L5e.
Cynic-Women are fools. Binnick-
Well, if there is anything in heredity
an acquaintance with some of their sons
would lead us to think so.-Toe0p Top
ics.
Daughter-Papa went off in great
good humor this morning. Mother
My goodness! that reminds me. for
got to ask him for any money.-N Y.
Weekly.
"Brevity may be the soul of wit,
muttered Penner sadly searching his
pockets in vain for the price of beer,
"but I'll be blamed if / can see any fun
in being short. "-Bu6alo Courier. !
Gradd-I hear you have full-blood-
ed Indian in class 60 How does he
doP Softmore enthusiastically )-DoP
He's out of sight! You just ought to
hear him give the class cry.-Puck.
Friend What did he say to you when
he proposed? Miss Rox-He said life
without me meant nothing. Friend
He was sincere in that. That's just
what his possessions amount to.-Har-
lem Life.
"Yoh's gotter git right down an hus-
tie fur raj success" said Uncle Eben.
"Er young mans boun' ter spile is silk
hat eff he tries ter w'ah it while he's
putin on de wreath OBJ laurel. y Wash
Issqton StGf.
She (doubtfuIy)-Have you really
told me of all the sins you ever commit
tedp He (stoutly)-Yes, all. She
(sorrowfully)-Then 1 am not worthy
of you. Farewell for-for-forever.-
NJ 7. Weekly.
Mrs. Slabs-I see it says here that in
sanity in every country is more preva-
lent among unmarried men than mar
ried persons. Mr.. Slabs-Yes, that
proves that marriage brings people to
their senses.-Hatto.
Her Adorer-M May l marry your
daughter, sirP Her Father-What do
you want to marry forp You don't
know when you're well off. Her Ador-
er-No, perhaps not. But know when
you're well IGt-Bits.
Tommy Cat the beach) h)-What are
the wild waves saying, mammal Mann
ma-I'm sure l don't know. Tommy
We'll. do. They are saying they
wisht little Tommy Jinks would come
in swimming Boston Courier.
"Who are these Orleanists who are al
ways kicking up such fuss in FranceP"
asked Hostetter McGinnis of Kosciusko
Jones. Il suppose they are descended
from the children of the Maid of Or
leans, replied Jones.-Teras S!ftisagS.
Country aunt-How did you like the
fairy story 1 sent you, EthelP City
child-Oh, the style is good enough, but
the ending is so old-fashioned. People
don't get married and live happy ever
after in stories nowadays Indianapolis
Journal
Teacher-Why was Solomon the
wisest man in the world? Boyle
had SO many wives to advise him.
Teacher Ga strong-minded female)-
Well, that is not the answer in the
book, but you may go up to the head
-Good Nel0s.
Editor-What makes you think you
would make good literary man? Ap-
plicant-Because l can crowd more into
little space than any man in New
York. Editor-What was your former
professionp Applicant-Conductor on
cable car.-EC.
Taper-I should like two weeks alb
senee to attend the wedding of a very
dear friend. Mr. Gingham-It must
be very dear friend, indeed, to make
you want that much time. Who is it,
Taper-Well, sir, after the ceremony
she will be my wife.-Vogue.
Young Doctor-Here I've had my
shingle out for two weeks, and not a
case yet. I've been sitting here like
patience on a monument. Friend
Never mind; you will eventually get a
chance to put the monuments on the
patients. Philadelphia Record.
Auntie-"How very Industrious you
are. I love to see little boys studying
at home" Little Johnny-"Yes 1
always learns all my lessons at home.
That's exactly what all children should
do" @Yes'm. 1t gives us more time
to have fun at school. Good Nea0s.
He-You are the only woman L have
ever loved. She-Do you expect me to
believe thatp He-I do. [ swear it is
true. She-Then believe you. Any
man who would expect woman to be-
ieve that cannot have been much in the
company of women.-Harper's Bazar.
Hungry Higgins-I wisht I'd of had
sense enough to go to the mountains
last spring. Weary Watkins-Td like
to know wot ferP Hungry Higgins
Cause, if we was up in the mountains
and had any walkin' to do VIC could &C
down hill all the Indianapolis
Journal.
Police justice-"Look here, your face
is familiar. Haven't you been in this
court beforep" Prisoner-"Please, you1
honor, you met me out at Dugan's the
night they had the dog fight there.
SeeP" @Oh, yes. You handled the dog
that lost $50 on. Six months. Next!
Indianapolis Journal.
Five-year-old Flossie had been bat
tling with her mother all day. There,
child" said the latter on putting the
child to bed, sleep well, and don't be
so cross when you wake up" 81 no.
tice," retorted little Flossie, "when its
me you say cross; when it's you you
say nervous. ."-PearSon's Weekly.
Travellers this here tn bureau oi
information? Railroad clerk-It is
Traveler-Well, about six hours ago g
TELLER took my watch an satchel around
tn corner to git my name engraved Oh
'em, so they wouldn't git lost, an
wanter know if the engrayers of this
ere town are all out on strike.-N. Y
Weekly.
Said an exasperated father at the
dinner table: "You children turn III
your nose at everything on the table