Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-12-05

disagreeabie man" es, sneS gen
orally speaking. Chicago Tribune
Dear little hand!" he murmured
as he kissed her hand and mental,
reckoned up what the rings on II
had cost him.-Harper's Bazaar.
II wish your mother were alsc
my mother" said he, looking at he
tenderly. "All right" she said
II will be a sister to you."-Nev
York Press.
Bride (who had eloped )-"Here il
a telegram from papa"
Bridegroom (anxiously )-"Wha'
does he sayp" i.
Bride-"All is forgiven; but dom
come back. Truth.
Weeks-Well, how are things
over in Boston? Have they named
any new pie Aristotle yetp" Went
man-No-o. But l heard man
there ask for a Plato Soup.-Ex'
change.
Attorney-I want the truth, the
whole truth and nothing but the
truth"
Witness (testly)-Well, you
shall have it, but you don't want
to be talking to me as if | were a
lawyer.
Mother-Johnny! On your way
home from school stop at the store
and get me stick OF candy and
bar Of soap. Father-What do yor
want of the stick of candy? Mother
so he'll remember the
soap.-New York Weekly.
"Say, how do you account fol
this? Here's a list of the 400 ant
there are the names of over 8O(
people on ii"
"Oh, that's all right. They have
to take two or three Of some of Ell
to count as one"
Jabbers-Confound it! This let
ter from my wife begins My ownest
deary hubby. Habbers-Why, what
wrong with thatP Jabbers-That
means that in the postscript III
find request for a $50 check rlghr
away.-Chicago Record.
Mrs. Strongmind-If women, ,woult
only stand shoulder to shoulder
they would soon win the suffrage
DR.. Guffy-But, madam, that Ii
something they can't do, with th'
present styles in sleeves.-Harper'
Bazar.
pruyn-Does the term loan ex.
hibition' mean that all the picture
here are loaned? Brusch-I do no
SO understand it. l think it means
rather that the few good picture
here feel very lonesome. kat
Fields Washington.
Hones-"What have you raised
that young bookkeeper's salary for
Don't you know that the young
spendthrift squanders all his salar,
giving presents to some girl he
infatuated with" Bones-"O
course / do. The girls my daugh
er."-Chicago Record,
She Ga woman's rights woman
do you believe the womal
shonld have the right Of being tn
equal Of man?" He-"Well, i
she wants to let herself down so ia
| don't see any reason why sh
should be prevented."-New Yorl
Press.
1.-THE next gown l shall issue,
said the ladies' tailor, "will be tn
triumph of the century" Indeed!
said the humble assistant. "Yet
indeed. 1t will be impossible to tel
from it's shape that there is WON
an in it at all. Indianapolis Jour
nal.
"You say you find it impossibl
to accept the theory of the trans
migration of souls?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Well, there are so many soul
that are so small they would be los
in the moving"
Poet hope you have receive
the little volume of poems | vet
ured to send you. Baroness-ln
deed | have-it is charming
wonder where / have put it. Lii
tie Karl-Under the leg Of the tt
BILE, mamma, to make it steady
Fliegende Blaetter.
Lady Ito cabman)-We can't rid
Crowded into a cab, we are sure I
crush our sleeves!
Cabman-Oh, that's provided TO
madam! My cab has sleeve pre-
tectors constructed on the harmt
MICA principle. When they al
drawn out you have plenty OF rool
side by side!-Fliegende Blaetter.
II thought you said you were g
ing to bring a friend home to dir
ner with yop," said Mrs. Chugwate
HE couldn't come, Samantha
replied Mr.. Chugwater, as he 81
down with great satisfaction to til
first good dinner he had had q chant
to attack for a long time.-Chicae
Tribune.
They had been out yachting, whe
a squall came up, and for time
was doubtful whether they woul
continue their existence here or o
| .n,<,o ckha~ clocaf The 1odiac ua,