Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-07-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

n iChh uoS SOhOi"iiJ 6io"Ao phO
most. Rams Horn.
Those who serve friends never lack
employment. Judge.
Beats the world-The impecunious
tramp. Texas Siftings.
When a man hears of distress, he
longs to give advice. e.-Atchison Globe.
A Boston woman speaks of dirt
wagon as "real estate conveyance.
Statesman.
1t is strange, but true, that cold
cash always burns in the spendthrift's
pockets. Truth.
Mamma-''Mamie, don't!" Mamie
-"Oh, please don't make me don't,
mamma !"-Judge.
The less people know about each
other, the politer they are to each
other. er.-Atchison Globe.
Missed his calling-The fellow who
was forgotten by the hotel clerk
Dansville IN. " Breeze.
The fool has one great advantage.
He never lets his better Judgment get
away with him. Galveston News.
1 always know when comp'ny's here,
1 can tell it any day;
For papa then calls mamma "dear,
And never calls her SAY"
-Dstroit Tribune.
eyes" remarked the egg; "my the.
atrical venture was success. l was
cast for the villain and made a great
hit. Truth.
Farmer -s'Now, what do you s'pose
that mans q yellin' at?' Son-"He
appears, father, to be yellin' at the
top of his voice. Judge.
As supreme test of the bullet-proof
cloth it is suggested that it be made
into seats and knees of trousers for
small boys. Kansas City Journal.
Little Girl Ito her mamma -"What
is dead letter, please?" Mamma
zone that has been given to your
father to post Jewish Messenger.
Though ambuscades have passed away
Along with things of hygone date,
1t is fact that cen to-day
The fisherman dotl lie in weight.
Buffalo Courier
As soon as a man makes little
money it is discovered that his wife is
qualified by birth and education to
shine in the best society. -Atchison
Globe.
There is nothing that gives one such
an idea of the Importance of an old
saw as the fact that it sometimes per-
versely works just the other way
Truth.
He-"Well, for my part like a pic
ture that tells story" She-"Mrs.
Witherbys portrait ought to suit you,
then. 1t makes her positively hand
some. Harlem Life.
Fond youth, though summer bids you shtrk,
For picnlcs ne'er forsake your work,
Close to your office duties cling
Don't undertake to push swing.
Washington Star.
English Visitor" "What are the dis.
eases peculiar to yer Hmerican
youth?" Yankee-"Croup, measles,
chicken-pox, huppin cough an love"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
If people would exercise the same
ingenuity in paying a debt that they
do in contracting one, interest rates
would be lower than they are now
American Investments.
There is no pen powerful enough to
describe the feelings of man on the
occasion when for the first time he
goes out walking with his first wife,
wearing his first plug hat.-Truth.
Mrs. Newlywed-"And do you al.
ways trust your husband implicitly?"
Mrs Experience enthusiastically
-"Indeed I do-that is to say, OF
course, to certain extent. Home
Journal.
"I don't mind a woman bein' neat,
said old Mrs. Jason, "but one woman
/ used to know was list little too
neat for any use. Why, that there
woman used to take couple of gold
fish she had out of their tank every
Saturday night and give 'em bath. "
indianapolis Journal.
Some day great genius will develop.
He will invent double-barreled alarm
clock that will go of second time
after any desired interval After the
first rude half-awakeuing n man can
enjoy the best part of any nights sleep
that OF not having to get up right
away-in the serene half-conscioua
confidence of havinga sure thing OF
4 I.,x..tF pt,l