davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
THAT WICKED PARROT.
He saw at One. That the Baidheaded
Man Wa an Onion Thief.


Man Was an onion Thief
"Baldheaded people are contiE-
ually being made the butt OF other
peoples jokes remarked + NJ
Weir OF Chicago. as he mopped the
perspiratioa from his pate. which
was as devoid of hair a u billiard
ball at is not often. though. that
you hear OF parrot taking advan-
tage Of our misfortune and setting US
up as an object OF ridicule. Such a
thing happened to me a few weeks
ago, and / will tell you how it was
An old college chum Of mine re-
ceived a parrot as one of his wcd-
ding presents, and both he and bis
wife are greatly attached 10 the
bird He Is in the habit OF
getting out of his cage and roaming
over the house at his own sweet
Polly in the act OF pulling some
picked onions from a jar that stood
on the kitchen table; she was so
angry that she throw 4 dipper of
hot water she had in her hand At
him. some OF which landed on top
OF his head. and the result was that
a tuft OF feathers came of and he
was a baldheaded parrot forever
more. Months after this occurrence
called at tho home of my friend to
spend the evening The parrots
cage hung up in the hall in such a
position that he could command a
view OF the front door. As stepped
inside the door and removed my haL
displaying my extensive bald pate,
Polly at once cried ont in the plain
est tones;
".Ha, ha, so you have been at the
picked onions, too. have your
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
Tn. Author OF IN. neIl.. =

The minister Who oficiated at the
funeral OF Edgar Allen Poe. the poet,
is still living. Poe is buried In the
old Westminster churchyard. al the
corner Of kayette and Green streets.
in Baltimore, and Of the people who
witnessed the burial In october,
lsi9. only three are still living.
among whom is the officiating
clergyman, Rev. w T. u Glenn
Mr.. Poe's first wife. Virginia Clem.
was a cousin OF the reverend gentle
man
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
KNOWLEDGE

Brings comfort and improvement and
tends to personal enjoyment when
rightly used. The many, who live bet
ter than others and enjoy life more, with
less expenditure, by more promptly
adapting the worlds best products TO
the needs Of physical being, will attest
the value to health of the pure liquid
laxative principles embraced in the
remedy, Syrup of Figs
rs excellence is due to its presenting
in the form most acceptable and pleas
ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly
beneficial properties of perfect lax
ative; efIectually cleansing the system,
dispelling colds, headaches and fevers
and permanently curing constipation.
Il has given satisfaction to millions and
Net with the approval of the medical
profession, because it acts on the Kid
neys, Liver and Bowels without weak
ening them and it is perfectly free from
every Objectionable substance.
Syrup Of Figs is for sale by all drug
gists in SOC and 81 bottles, but it is man
ufac.ured by the California Fig Syrup
Co. only, whose name is printed on every
package, also the name, Syrup of Figs,
and being well informed, you will not
,eeept any substitute if offered.
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
EiueatioNr

Attention of the reaNt Is called TO the
announcement OF Notre Dame University ~
another column Of this paper Ihis nylcu
institution OF learning enters upon It's nIt!-
firSt year with the next session fareh,s
and guardians contemplating TO send theii
bows and ycIuE men away from home =
school would do well TO write for parucu-
lars to the University Of Notre Dame m
diana before making arrangements LOT tneli ne,
education elsewhere Nowhere in this bruac
land are there to be found better taSin-
ties for cultivating the mind and heart than
are offered at Notre Dame UnlNersiV'
The .sGold Miner Is the name of a new
l6-page monthly paper recently started ID
Denver Ii aims 10 give condensed re
port and summary OF all the principal min.
Ing events of the month, deyoung ssPeciSi
scriptton price Is but - cents year SAN
ple copy furnished for fve cents In stamps
Address Gold Miner, Denver.
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
In the p.pth. ID sII.ery.

Though endowed with wealth beyond the
dreams Of avarice the wretched sufferer
from chronic dyspepsia Is plunged In the
depths OF misery from which he or she sci
dom emerses even for day al a stretch
There is way 10 down the tmp. Invoke
the aid OF Hostetter's stomach Hittcrs and
be departs Keep using the medicine and
the relief you promptly experience finally
becomes permanent and a thorough cure Is
Effected. Heartburn. 1atulence, uneasiness
and sinking at the pit Of the stomach, ner-
yousness. insamnia-these are symptoms
first relieved and finally cured. with their
cause. by this inenably reliable specific
Liver complaint and constipation, brother
tprmentors Of dyspepsia. are also sent 70
limbo BY the Bitters- SO are rheumatism,
malaria and kidney complaint Use this
helpful medicine systematically. not by hts
and starts.
''Give me the baby to hold. my dear" Is
the name Of new song You wont hear
many married men singing IT.
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
au.traiI... immigration Problem

Australia is greatly bothered just
now by a question akin to our Chi
nese problem The Chinese immigrs-
tion evil has been checked by strong
restrictive measures aud the imposi-
tion of a heavy head tax There Is
now a great aud growing influx Of
Afghans, Panthans and other As!atic
tribes from the odd corners Of India
and these people have become peril
and nuisance in many ways
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
issI; way Surgeons

OF the railway associations OF the
country none has been more active
or more successful during the last
few years than the Na;iona. Assooia-
tion of Railway Surgeons Three
years ago the association had sS2
members in good standing At the
present time the active mem bership
is l.767.
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
Internation.l ,Iarriag- Burraa.

1t is rurposed to establish an In
ternational marriage bureau. with
headquarters in Bcrne, for the pur-
pose of regulating marriages be-
tween natives OF different countries
and so doing away with the anoma-
lies and crueities which at present
too often result from marriages be-
tween aliens.
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
nAusroNE RECORDS BEATEN.
Pebble. ana Frogs Found In bss" ehunhs
of Ice by Costa Kic-n~

r.hhl-. ana Frogs Found In usss Chunks
of Ice by Costa Kio-n.
A gentleman connected with
Museo NacIonal. (nstional museum)
at san jose, Costa Rica- IN a private
letter printed by the Atlanta Con
stitution. tells a graphic story OF
the wonderful hailstorm which re-
Gently visited the southwest coast of
that Central American republic His
letter. in part, is as follows;
The cloud came almost directly
from the west and was blAcker than
the proverbial Egyptian darkness
We are now well used 20 tropical
storms with their accomplishments
OF real thunder and lightning, some
thing grander than the folks In old
Missouri have ever seen or heard.
but in this case IL seemed thou
sand squalls. hurricanes and cY-
clones com bined in one All OF
sudden there was q terrible roaring
and splashing In the bay near the
camp ! have since thought that
the only thing tha; 1t could be com
pared with would be a shower OF
bricks and eobblo-stoncs falling into
the ocean. We had hardly time 10
take shelter Ia an immense hollow
guave when iha, portion Of the cloud
which was dumping its immense
load OF ice into the salty water
veered to the northwest and crossed
TO the treeless tract Of mountains
lying over toward HSnietA IL vas
not q hAilstorn In the grand. true
ense of the word-it was simply an
awful precipitation OF thousAuds o,
tons OF ice from the clouds Some
OF these Jumps wers not larger than
ones tst- but the majority Of them
were larger than full-siEed building
bricks, and one which buried Itself
in the sand near our camp kettle on
the beach was a Jagged. ihree-corner-
ed mass OF ice weighing tweniy-three
pounds an hour aud half after the
storm clouds had passed As one OF
the boys Afterwards remarked; 1t
seemed as II the cloud had been
frozen solid TO depth OF about six
or eight inches and then suddenly
knocked 20 pieces and thrown TO
the earth But few Of the ice
chunks bore the least resemblance
to ordinary hailstones; all were jag
ged and OF irregular form. the ma
ioriiy OF the pieces containing some
foreign substance, such as a ball OF
earth. wads Of rotten leaves. sand.
fish. and frog spawn, etc The head
OF dead sunhsh was found In one
piece and half-dozeu or a dozen
slabs gathered up and put into our
water jar yielded two live and one
dead frog. a mass Of kelp. or sea-
weed. three small pebbles. a sea-
shell and some queer black seeds
about the size OF bucksbot"
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
The 81. james Hotel. Denver.

Perfect cooking variety Ia the hlll OF IAre'
excellent service and attention e. ne esni, -,
fort OF guests make this old-estA nlistit1 ~ A.
Denver. Rates, 500 per day. sa-sv ~. S.n
evening dlnner room and BREAKFAST, SLv'
nosite the Tabor Grand open House anu
Accessible to the principal business stotes,
banks street and cable cars anu platcSes u ~
smnsems1t- makes II the best located hotel
IA the city The blue ear starting In 'front.'
az daDot ra sSt.S the hotel
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
niue Hiooi At a Di.count.

The East. pale and Intellectual.
sneered-
You admit, then" she persisted
THAT you set no especial value upon
good breeding
The West glorious and radiant,
smiled
Certainly, she answered. "It
has been established that grade hogs
yield as well as full-bloods. and are
raised cheaper"
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
HapIdly Changinr s.vlr.-

From 17Si to l7S5 the style OF hair
dressing in Paris changed seventeen
times, and went from the extreme OF
short eurls and a skull cap to a hat
three feet broad
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
Educate Your Daughter.

AT this season of the year parents have TO
decide upon and select the educational In
fsnd fnr the coming years. In this connec-
tion We desire 10 call attention to the edn-
cational announcement In our ADVERTISING
columns of the Academy Of the Sacred
Heart St Joseph Mo. Their buildings
and grounds are attractive, locality health,
fui teachihs In all branches thorough and
terms reasonable. Parents fortunate TO Sc
lecf this school for the education of their
daughters will we are sure. be fully saus-
Sed For further Information, address
Mother Superior. Academy OF the Sacred
Heart st. Joseph, Mo-
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
ONLY ONE FARE.
To weshInslon. D. @. and Return

Aug. 23rd and cath the BuriinEt0u route
until Sept L. by taking the Burlington
route you have choice Of ruutes either via
Chicago. Pe0ria or st. Louis. For fun In.
formation call on local ticket agents, or
address G. W. Yallery, General Agent,
Denver
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18

A preacher having married couple In
the. church the other day, unfortunately
gave out as the very next hymn mistaken
Snnls Tint Dram of Heaven."
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18

GEYSERITE-Best and cheapest of toilet
soaps. cures roughness OF the skin CURES
ECZEMA. For sale everywhere. Manrfaetur-
ed by the GEYSERITE SOAP CO.. Denver.
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18

California man choked himself to death
with tape measure The coroner's verdict
was that be died by inches
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18
More Way. Than one to kun a Cat.

IHH" Whe 70 MI a Cat.
Wifey-The proof Of the pudding
Is in the eating.
The Brute know; but / think
scientific research has already mum.
6ered enc gh martyrs TRUTH.
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18

Colored walters are the best Whatever
Is said at the table they VIII Dc sure 70
keen dark
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18

"PaniOn met IS what the polite cenvict
said when he ran into the governor ans he
was passing through his corridor In the
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18

A workman is known by his chips and 4
barber by his shavings
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18

> AL faTt#s Z a#-~
49, $50 Asz< = sd
"a - SD 49,
- go kaf - q
s~f1ia1 s-u = ~
ns.rr-ss 20 - -
srs. 80 n a. -.
80 AA a4a.l
taaf ts<er .s 4
" sasasss >. ~
The Lamar register., 1894-08-18

- q. f=sa4 s-<rr $50
a tis~ds--<s asVr--sAs-a :.
sa . ~ -rst
49, srs -rl.<r 80
1assi "a - -. r-a
A-Fs = es1rssazlat
~ T--z - fsia -
g-s-ass 49, -sa. t~L
- So gra9=rsas.
fsszs, s.t sss-t-
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25

JAVA The laud ~ The famous and much
exaggerated death valley" has many
wonderful curiosities. The principal one
being che "kali muinh." or death plant"
~ grows ouly ou the sterile soils of The vol
cauir regions 90 Java and the adjoining
Islands nud is even thcre reckoncd CAS- "a cu-
ripalty nu nccDuut ~ its extreme scarcity
IT, grows from tpJ feet Zoo height. with
long. slender stems. we'll protected by stout
thons nearly nn inch in leng1l. The
ground lenv,.i are ~ delicate. fatinlike
amoofhness. hcart shaped. emerald green on
ono hide aud blood red, strealleh aud vcined
with light bun on the other.
The flowers Of this death dealing beauty
arr even more beautiful than the plant IT.
SELF being very large and cup shaped and
OF "a color almost denthly la Us whiteness.
The name 81 the plant b. from a character
istic Of these splendid flowers, which, beau
tilul though they are, continually drip
with deadly poison.
The poison, which b. distilled 10 the bot
tom of the cup shaped blossom, has the
aickeuiug odor 81 chloroform intensified a
dozen fold, Il being powerful enough 10
overcome "a full grown man Boz a few SEC
ouds. even when inhaled ia open air. The
perfume, If such "a pungent odOr can prop
erly be- 80 called, produces insensibllity ia
the form Of commissions, distorting the
face, especially the mouth and eyes, into a
horrid, crazy looking grin. Recovery from
the effects Of inhaling this odOr Is said u
be very slow.-St Louis Republic.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25

According 10 the Sheridan COR Sun, there
Ia n acho0lmnstcr iu that state who Lal
had enough oi boarding with people WHO
treat him ua Zone 81 the family" lle
was boarding GROUND and in the course oi
his pcreuriuntious arrived at n house where
there were fsYerrl grown up IONS nud
daughter he WAS taken at once into init
mate fellowship.
Onthe second morning William. one OF
the boys, came into the new bOnrlcr.n room
and borrowed his toothbrush. The school
master demurrcd and went 30 fnr a. 90
enter into particulars about microbes ana
microbic infection, but William took the
brush.
81 amt afraid 10 use u after you u you
amt after me-" he said.
The next evening Samuel, another son,
borrowed the masters beat white shirt 20
wear TO a dance. and Maria, one 81 the
daughters, while trying % extract some 81
biz pcrfumery, spilled the greater part 81 10
upon her clothes.
SO matters went on with increasing
friendHness, aud when the tenchor took his
leave the mother was wearing pair of his
socks. the girls had begged his tooth pow
der and the remainder Of bis periumery,
the old man had worn out his ulster hunt
ing deer, and the boys had on two Of his
white shirts, two pairs Of his socks, vest
and hat.
one Of the girls bad made love 70 the
boarder's g. silk umbrella, but though the
fact Is not stated we are given 90 under
stand that her suit was unsuccessful.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25

park. Even &c. paul'a churchyafd ans
not too public FOR them, since here, "on
Wcnsday (sici last says The Post Of Oct.
90, 1880, "Mr. Downs. q barber in the
Old Bailey, WAS attacked by three foot
pads. who presented pistol 30 bis breast,
nnd robbed him 81 seven half crowns and
I've pennyworth Of hnlfpence. Later, a
lady Il stopped In broad daylight just out
aide the cathedral Her molester threatens
her with instant death " she ~ unwilling
10 give him guinea.
She pays him the money. Al night the
footpads become even holder, and some
notorious young miacreants, hanged at
Tyhurn ia the autumn Of 1880, give an ed
flying account Of their operations one sun
day evening, during which they attacked
and robbed four foot passengers and three
coachfuls Of people In the very heart Of
the town.
o. Like numbers Of their confederates, these
youths were little better than idle apprcu-
tices, Ia want Of funds 10 enable them 70
continue drinking, dancing, singing,
swearing" and lovemakilg In the classic
purlieus Of Chick lane. This being 80,
their dying confessions, sednlously report
ed in The Post. become rather pathetic
documents, as does the announcement that
"they all died very penitent. London
Standard
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25
ouAlNr ANNOUNCEMENTS.
a CarIsus Collection ~ Marriage Notices
Prom old Papers.


Married--In England, Mr.. Matthew
Rousby, aged q, % Mrs. Ann Taylor, aged
90. Tho lady's grandson was at this equal
union aud was five years older than his
grandfather. Mercury, Oct. n,
17ss.
The 10th inst, Mr. william Checkley,
son Of Rev. Mr. Samuel Checkley of Bos-
ton, was married 90 Miss Polly Cranaton.
a young lady OF genteel Requirements and
OF "A most Aminble Disposltion.-Old Bos-
ton Paper, Dec. 10, 1900.
Thursday last, was married, at Newport,
r. l., John Colin Jones, Esq. OF Boston,
merchant, 90 the truly aminble aud nc
complished Miss Abagall Grant, daughter
OF the late Alexander Grant, Esq, lady
Of real merit, and highly qualified 10 rem
der the COMMUNAL state supremely happy -
Old Boston Paper. May 90, 1886.
In Williamsburg, y. g., Major Smith,
Of Prince Edwards Va. 20 Miss Charlotte
b. Brodie This match, contaminated
only few days since was agreed upon 81
years ago nt Camden, 5. c., when he was
captured az the bnttle Of Camden, and
being separated by the war, &c, each bad
supposed he OF her dead until n few months
since, when they accidentally met, and
neither plead any statute Of Limitation in
bar OF the old bargain.-Salem Gazette,
July 10, 1911.
Married-In this town, on Sunday even
ing last, by Rev. DR.. Haven, Mark Shines,
ESQ, Deputy Postmaster, &c, 90 the Ele-
gantly Pretty and Amiably Delicate Miss
Mary Ann Blount, youngest daughter OF
the late Captain John Blount OF Little
Harbour.
Genius OF Hymen, power Of fondest love.
In showers OF bliss descend from worlds
above
On neauty's rose and Virtues manlior form
And shield. al. shield them both from Times
tcmpestuous storm,
Oracle of the Day, Portsmouth, y. H.,
Nov "a, l79s.
At Concord, Ebcnezer Woodwork, A.
b., Citizen bachelor of Hanover, y. H..
to the Amiable Miss Robinson. At Long
meadow. Mr.. John NJ. Durham, Citizen
Bachelor ard Printer az aforesaid, TO the
Amiable Miss Emily Burt The prompt
ness and decision which the said citizens
have shown
In all the fond intrigues Of love
are highly worthy Of imitation and the sue
cess that has so richly crowned their cour-
age and enterprise must be an invincible
inducement TO the fading phalanx of our
remaining bachelors 90 make "A vigorous
attack on some fortress Of female beauty
with determined resolution
Necr to quit the glorious strife
Till, drest in all her charms. some bloom
ing fair Herself shall yield the prize OF
conquering love. Boston, 1795.-Current
Literature.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25
NewsUnder George IL.

The heavily taxed or stamped newspa-
per Of the earlier half Of the eighteenth
century can scarcely be described as Au-
GUSTAV. There il. in fact, not much to
choose between the credulously Rossipy
"Mercuries" or Intelligence" Of the
dawn Of journalism under the Stuarts and
the many POSTS" and Journals" flour
ishing about the year 1880. Yet the very
quaintness and sensationalism Of the jour
nails Of the earlier years of George lis
reign seem TO prove them trustworthy
records Of the state of the times. Certain
ly the London known TO Hogarth and
Fielding appears wildly before us when
viewed through the medium Of such a
journal a. Parker's Penny Post. And a
lawless London it was. To judge by in
Vulnerable notices in Parker's following
pages, IL was the very paradise Of thieves.
in the year 1880 footpads seemed TO
have swarmed from Mile End TO Hyde
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25
A story of Lucy stone.

A characteristic story Is told Of Lucy
Stone At one OF her early lectures, when
she made a strong statement Of the injus-
tice some Of our laws did TO women and
an appeal to have them righted, hiss,
clear aud strong, came out Of the audi
ence. The little creature stepped nearer
TO the front quickly ran her eye over the
audience, fastened her gaze upon one point
and said: Somebody Misses. i am glad of
it, Hiss il again. my fat friend for II Is
a shameful fact and deserves TO be hiss
ed" The audience were overcome with
laughter and appreciated her ready wit.
The man felt as much like a goose as
man can feel. He got his head down be-
fore she had finished her sentence, but her
finger still pointed at him. His head went
lower and lower, and as soon as the audi
ence turned from looking At him he slip
ped out and was gone.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25
pe.ln... c.nnnt ns car.a

By local applications. as they cannot reach
tho diseased 20 tion Of the "a. There Is
only one way 10 cure deafness, and that IL
by constitutional remedies. Deafness is
caused BY an innsmed condition of the
mucous liniaR of ths Gust ohian tube.
When this tube gets inn med you have
iumblinR sound or imperfect heA ing and
when 10 10 emit, ely closed deafness is the re-
suit aud unless the inflammation can be
taken out and this tube restored TO its
normal condition. hearing will be destroyed
10 ever; nine cases cut OF ten are caused "
catHrrh. which 10 nothing bot an inflamed
condition Of the mucous surfacel.
Ne will awe one hundred dollars for any
case OF deafness (oaused BY caiArrh) that
cannot DO cured by Halis CatArrh Cure.
end for cireulArs. free.
I. j. CHENEY j. Co., Toledo. q.
Sold By druggists, Toe.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25

Some people begrudRe the little money
that an ALLcocK's PoRoUs PLASTER costs,
and then when they are raoked with pain
ON lame back. or from the soreness
nrisinR from a cold. they will spend any
amount OF money 10 relieve tue pain.
IL they only had ous OF those
world rsnownoi plastcra on hand they
WoulI be saved vast nmOuut OF
suffering and be conside ably richer. At
The hTst siQn OF stiffness Of the joints apply
Que of those plasters without any delay.
The soreness will be greatly relieved At
onoe aud soon disappear entirely. IL will
DO money saved TO have them on hand. to
saw nothing OF the comfort they bring.
BRANDRETH's PLLs contain no irritating
matter.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25

Having the needed merit 10 more than
make good all the advertising claimed for
them the following -four remedies
have reached a phenomenal sale; Df.
Kings New Discovery, for consumption
coughs and colds. each bottle qua antesdi
Electric Bitter. the great remedy for iivef'
stomach and kidneys; Buoklen.s Armies
sslve. the best IN tho world. and DIR. Kings
New LIE Pills which are peffeet pill.
All thess remedies hfe guaranteed 20 do
what IL claimed for them. and the dealer
whose name ia attached will be glad TO sell
YOU more Of them. Sold 81 PArohen-
D'AcLeul Drug Co.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1894-03-25

Scolding Is worse than useless. With
children it arouses antagonism, Il only be-
cause angry looks and feelings are SO con
tagious One should wait until the irrita-
ton subsidies before correcting any one. a
reprimand given in the presence OF others
is apt to arouse a feeling Of mortified pride
that quite nullifes any impression that
might otherwise be made, and IL IS an eX-
oeptional person that can be trusted to be
the bearer Of a scolding. IT. IS apt 10 gather
force en- route. Argument between parents
and children is unseemly, and it Is always
best to avoid letting the point Of contest
become too Important