The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1894-02-28
RANDOM SHOTS.

Hill lost his temper and tnat much
patronage.
Lawler to Peckham know jes' how /
you feel.
Many people devote too much OF !
their time to miscellaneous thinking.
Delsarte was nowhere alongside Of a
dogs tail in the art of expression.
Drunkenness usually leads sooner or
later to some kind Of an explosion.
Mrs Lease continues to lady-manage
affairs in Kansas with her usual force
and vigor.
The worlxingman who works the
workingman is the most dangerous cap
italist in this country.
Now If Col. Mary had said that she is
an Odd Fellowess, the claim might have
been readily conceded.
Many man fights for his creed OF
politics who never thinks of carrying
an umbrella for his wife.
Least said soonest mended" is ap-
parently not true of the present effort
to mend the house Of lords.
1t was a Manitoba high scheol boy
who said there were four zones-frigid,
horrid, temperate and incorporate.
After all, as Mr.. Peckham will reflect,
1t is mean triumph to have been de-
feated by the influence of d. b. Hill.
A mother never quite forgives her son
for marrying until he becomes the
father of a baby that is named for her
Brown-Did old Stringman give way
when he heard the bad news? Jones
Give nothing. He never gave anything
in his life.
Blood was drawn at duel in Paris
between count and an eX-minister If
this occurs frequently duels will go out
of favor
RlcKane is locked up, but his medita-
tions are free. What does he think of
the powers of courts and public senti-
ment now?
Dozeeigh-Why do you insist upon
the new pastor being fat man? Dea-
con roadaisle-Because fat men are
generally short-winded,
If there is anything that Col. Cockrell
will accept Of New York, he has only to
name 1t. He has referred to Chicago as
"a frontier city"
Mrs. Snappy-I wonder why she gave
her age at % when she married old
Moneybags! Miss Gappy-I suppose she
made discount for cash.
Pastor-Our church is just like one
family. Mrs. Candid-Yes, indeed! l
notice that there is good deal of quar-
reling among the members.
Upson-Young Gotrox complains that
his wife has commenced to kick over
the traces already. Downes-Humph! I!
That's what comes Of marrying skirt
dancer
No matter how much man may love
his neighbor he always notices just
where the dividing line between his
sidewalk and his neighbours sidewalk
| lies after a heavy snow.
Now, said the medical professor. if
man were brought to you. Mr.. Haw-
lSlns. suffering from an unmistakable
case of smallpox, what would you do?
I'd light out, said Hawkins.
Editor-What can do for you, miss?
O., please. may l examine your waste
paper basket? l know q man who sends
you poems and whose feelings toward
me l should like to ascertain.
Fare--Why don't you feed your horse
up? He looks quite starved? Cabby-
Starved Law bless you, sir, 'e's got
bushel o. corn at ome, on'y 'es so
precious fond o. work e won't give
isself time to eat 'em.
Miss Philo (sweetly)-I can remember
when you made your debut, dear, years
and years ago. Miss Caustique (more
sweetly)-How thoushtful you are.
Now, l couldn't begin to remember
when you made yours
81 think" said the teacher to the lit
tie girl with the smeared face, that
your face would look much better il II
were washed" MY NAV says" an
swered the little girl, that If your face
was washed It would be plum spilled"
A Lakeview druggist has this tackled
up consmcuously in his store; Cigars,
subject to the action of the democratic
candidate" The candidates take the
hint. and those acting up" about right
get their cards alongside of the notice.
The legislature of Idaho now sees the
wisdom of their not passing law last
session requiring that jurors should be
sober and intelligent" as she would
be forced TO import her Jurors from
surrounding states had 1t been placed
on the statute books.
SMOKER SMOKER SMOKE SMOKE!
II you want any thing good to smoke,
| Key West. imported. or domestic, you
must go to Chas. Olsen.
VERY QUEER
Are the sensations experienced by the
] nervOuS and dVsnentic Ifnaecounta lnlp