Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-01-07
MODERN HUMoRTSTS.
THE PERENNIAL JOKES AND DRY FUN
or TWAIN, HARRIS, AND PAGE.
NJ. Mudxs,s Strange story and His Dirge
on the Death OF James iiHm'r'ch'
who Was Accidentally Shot


written FOR the Dispatch)
Charles Lamb, Christopher North. ana
sydney Smith have been largely super
coded by modern humorists but all
change Is not improvement. There Is I'D
the writings OF these Englishmen flavor
OF classic literature sadly missing In the
modern. And as these fayorites or our
Younger days have been set aside by the
new. so IL Is that even Irving. Curtis
and others Of that Tx have been forgot
ten among the perennial Jokes ana Dry
humor OF Mark Twain, Frank Stockton
Joel Chandler Harris. and Nelson PAGE.
Among some OF the older American
hooks OF humor | remember with pea
sure 1.-THE Sparrowgrass Papers am
"Phoenixiana," and would IKE 20 u,l
scribe for the readers OK the blsp1seN
the following natural and yet most sl
tosque article from John Phoenix pun
lished In California about 1854:
,,T,r 'ANcrTOI.Y ACCIDENT - DEATH
OF A YOUNG MAN.
Mr.. Nudge has just arrived IN Sa san
DIeeo from Arkansas. lie brings win
~, fo,,r yoke of oxen. seventeen Amerl-
can cows, nine American cniior.h, an
Mrs Nudge. They have encamped IN inc
rear OF our Office. pending the arri'ai Oh
the next coastng steamer -.
Mr. Nudge Is about 81 years OF ase,
his hair is light. not "sapie-siiVereu,
hut n waller. gided: you can sec soilc
~ II sticking out OF the top OF MS Ha'.
His costume is the national costume oil
Arsansas-.coat, waistcoat, ana pahta-
lens ~ honespun cloth, dyed brown
isb-velIow with y decoction OF the Bit
,ay-barked butternut. pleasing aiiitera-
,top IIis countenance presents deter
,,irod combined with sanctiinouiouS
evnresslon. and IN his brlghtly-g cleaning
eye-a red eye. we think II is-wc fancy
n spark OF poetic fcrvor may be dlstn-
guished.
MIR. Nudge called on us yesterday. We
were eating watermelon. Perhaps the
reader may have eaten watermelon; II
so, how difficult a thing it Is 20 speak
when the mouth is filled with the luscious
fruit and the slippery seed and sweet.
though embarrassing. juice IS squizzllnS
out all over the chin and shirt-bos0m.
So, al first, We said nothing, but waved
with our case-knife toward an unoccu-
pied box, as who should say sit down.
Mr.. Nudge accordingly seated himself,
and. removing his hat, whereat all his
hair sprsng up straight like lack IN
the box" turned that article over ana
condition with alarming seriousness.
Take some melon, AIR. Mudge2 said we,
as with sudden malt we recovered our
speech and took another slice ourselves
NO, 1 thank you" replied Mr.. Nudge,
Il wouldn't choose any, now
There was solemnity In Mr.. Mudge's
manner that arrested our attention; we
paused, ana holding a large slice Of water
melon dripping in the air listened to
what no might have TO say.
Thar was very serious accident
happened to u.s." said Mr.. Nudge, "aS
We was crossn' the plains. Twas on
the bank OF the Peacus river. Thar WAS
a young man named Jeames Hambrich
along. and another young teller. lie got
10 fooling with his pistil. and he shot
Jeames. lie was n good young man, ana
hadn't enemy in the company we
hurried him thar on the Peacus river We
lid. and az we went of these here lines
sorter passed through my MIND 30
saving Mr. Nudge rose. drew from Ms
pockct-his waistcOat pocket crumped
piece Of paper ant handed II over. Iheh
he drew from his coat-tail pocket large
cotton handkerchief. with I'd ground
and yellow fzure. ard slowly ungolded
H. blew his nose-an awful blast Il was
Wiped his eyes. and disappeared. We pub
iish Mr.. Mudge's lines. with the remark
that any ono who says they have no
noets or poetry IN Arkansas would doubt
The existence OF wiHiam Shakespeare:
Dirge on the Death of Jeames Hambriok.
CBy Mr. orion Nudge, ESD
n was on June the tenth.
Our hearts We're very SAD
For Il was by an awful accident
We lost fine young iad.
Jearnes Hambrick was his name
And alas il was his lot,
To you l tell the same,
lie was accidentally shot
on the Peacus riverside
The sun was very hot.
And it's there he fell and died
Where no WAS accidentally shot
on tho road his character good
without stain or blot
And I'm our opinions grOWed
Until he was accidentally Sh0t-
A few words only he spoke,
For moments he had not,
And only then he seemed 70 choke,
II was accidentally shot"
We wrapped him in a blanket good,
For coffin we had not
And then We burl8d him where ne $1,000
When he was accidentally shoI
And as we stood around his grave
our tears the ground Odd blot,
We prayed 10 Cod his soul 10 saVej
lie was accidentally shot
This Is all. but I write at the trno n
epitaf which | think Is short and would
DO 10 go over his grave:
EPITAFF.
Here les the body OF Jeame5 Harnbrick,
Who was accidentally shot
on the bank OF the Peacus river
BY a young man.
He was accidentally shot with one OF
the large-size Colts revolvers, with no
stopper for the cock 10 rest on; IL was
one Of the old-fsshion kind. brass
mounted, and of such is the Kingdom Of
Heaven.
Truly yourn.
ORION w NUDGE. Esq.