Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1894-02-17
POTTS. VALENTINE.

\
acknowledge it freely. am sorry for
it. and would gladly change 1t, but
change OF that kind Is scarce, scarcer
even than scrip.
It is one of the problems OF life the
yay a woman will hang to a man after
she gets him, and how dreadful loath
sfe will appear to be to have him while
he is trying to court her.
Now, there was Mrs. Potts. Before
d married her I used to have TO coax
her three or four hours to permit me
10 press my ruby lips to hers, and after
II got mustache, and was dying to know
how il would seem to kiss woman with
one on, I had to promise her new set
of iewelry to let me find out. And
after that she acted as II she had as
much curiosity to find out as had.
coaxed her to marry and she said she
didn't want to marry. She had decided
TO live an old maid.
Now, when l would be glad TO per
suade her to live life of single-biess-
;edness she won't be persuaded She
says she has got used to hearing some
body snore, and she shoulont know
how to get along Without the Old TAMIL
lar sound.
If it be true that she hears snoring,
she must hear herself, for I am posi-
tive l never snore. No, never. Ii
did should have heard IL before now,
of course.
Mrs. Potts is In the habit OF repri-
imanding me for being too boyish for q
married man. I like little bachelor
party now and then. like, once in
while, to go where l know no woman
will ever come. 1t sort of rests a fol
low that has been ragged for years.
NO disrespect meant to the ladies' Not
by any means. They are all angels,
but then one might weary Of the sOcie-
isy of angels if one liked to smoke and
hake little brandy occasionally. Be-
cause angels are not supposed to smoke
or drink. No disrespect to angels,
either.
February the fourteenth was great
day for Purdy. It was the anniversary
of the birth of Purdy's twins He is
proUder of these twins than a cat would
be of two tails. Well, it is every mans
duty, as a citizen and Christian, to
be proud Of twins. They count high,
as doublets do in backgammon
Mrs. Purdy and Mrs. Potts, on Val
Satipe's Day, took the twins out to
Their grandmother's, and Purdy and
had an oyster supper at the Red Mans
Lodge, with some champagne and a
sprinkling of brandy.
It was all on account of the twins,
you know, and if any blame Is to be at
tached to anybody, blame the twins.
We all sung songs and told some
stories, and smoked box OF cigars,
and then we began TO go home. l say
began, for it was work Of time. The
sidewalks were so COMPOUNDED slippery,
and our boots were just like the side
walks. They do make such uncommon
Slippery boots nowadays.
And Purdy and I were tired, too. 1t
is tiresome work to make speeches
and shake hands with your friends
who congratulate you ON having twins.
II is true had no twins myself, but /
sVmpathized with Purdy, and entered
3nto the hand-shaking with spirit
Purdy sat down several times to rest
on, the way home, and he Rugged q
policeman who told US to move on and
Sold him he had got twins. The po-
liceman said, Hang the twins, and
Purdy couldn't find his front door
kevholS, and seemed to have forgot
tan all about where his front door was,
and we concluded to 60 into my house
and wait till that front door came
round.
N was about eleven o'clock, and al
most time to expect our wives home
with the twins. We made our toilet
for them. l curled my hair, and put
sone of Araminta Maud's Bloom Of the
TiIv on nv cheeks and nose, which the
cold winter zephyrs had made purple
red, Cold weather ruins mans com
olexion. Purdy washed his face in
cologne. and poured some in his hand
kerchief, but it turned out that there
Was hair dive in the cologne bottle, anG
Purdy's face was just the color OF ma
hogsny, The deuce take the women
Who else but woman would ever
have thought of putting hair dye In {
cologne bottle to deceive innocent mel
and Trusting servant-gfrls?
lust as Purdy had finished wipinS
of as much as he could of the dye, Oh
Mrs. Potts. muslin gown, which huns
on a chair to air, my eye Tell on larg'
package addressed to myself
p. poxrs, ESQ. A VALzErxHA
1Wells SAYS /, 90 valentine Cor yor
Potts, my boyi II am married, the ladie
- n0LkSCG
IA addressing gowns said Purdy, lean
ling over 60 examine the bundle; but b
heSned too far, and his head more tina
balanced his heels. and he came do"
NandsomeIy, with his feet In Mrs Pott'
Seorkbasket and his head In the wash
howl
We Hshed him out. he and I. and thea v
npened the bundle It was . good-ssze
Eed flannel petticoat with Label ptnne
IN a. which read thus:
RP. Porrs-VALENTIN1-U Petfioo'
government
sPut it on" says Purdy, and L
dance round with you as If twas
female aoman 'lcngside me:
/ mace the attempt, with Purdy
thelp me. but it wouldn't seem TO go
Sn the natural way; and Purdy pr
posed that he should hold the band
Il open. while l got down On the no
and crawled into it.
We were Just doing this when
heard voices below, and the cross va
yah" Of tired baby, and knew tn
3he ladies had returned. Mrs Pur
was coming in to rest little and ia
over the events of the day.
~Lord!" says I: "if Araminta sees
thus it viii BE all upl with Potts