Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-10-05

NIO1 W Iuuu
Reeves jack pot campaign.
DENNIS HANNAFIN.
HERE IND MERE,
MI. William Lickspittle Wilson was
presented to her gracious majesty, the
Queen, Saturday, and received one of the
Imperial horse-collars, direct from the
royal stables, as an evidence of favor.
The presentation was made by the
Duchess de. Flapdoodle, Mr.. Wilson be-
ing regally attired in green satin, en-
train, with a tiara of emeralds, glitterlng
and sparkling amid his luxuriant, golden
%tresses, which were arranged in a pyra.
midal knot, projecting almost a foot into
the air above him. Promptly at IL
o'clock in the morning, the procession to
the throne began, Mr.. Wilson reclining
gracefully upon the arm Of the Duke de
Blublud, and supported by the!Marquis
Of Sand Hill. At the foot of the throne,
Mr.. Wilson knelt gracefully, and car
essed the unclad foot of the queen with
his cl~osely-shaven lips, which had been
busted with an antiseptic powder short
ly before, to secure the royal foot from
contamination. After feasting for sew
eral minutes upon the Imperial toes,
MI. Wilson was seen to pass his tongue
hungri]y back and forth across his lips,
and an expression of heavenly content
ment overspread his face, and played for
fully ten minutes about his features.
MI. Wilson's neck was then encircled by
the queen with the royal horse-collar,
and he was led away in a semi-uncon-
scious condition, overcome by the OK.
cess Of queenly favor.
The campaign in Colorado has begun
to sizz, and Governor Davis H. Waite
uncorked his bubbling mouth on Satur-
day, in full view of a large audience. All
day Saturday, the governors private
secretary was kept busy, winding up his
superior, the work being effected with a
windlass and d single horse. At 8 o'clock
in the evening, a committee of leading
Citizens sprung the trap which held the
several wheels in the governors head in
q passive state, and he began to un-
wind with a clicking sound, like the
twittering of a moving machine in per-
feet operation. simultaneously with the
starting of the machinery, ithe governors
rse-shoe-shaped lower jaw began to
play rapidly against the one above it,
until it reached a maximum speed of
1000 revolutions per hour, and large
bales Of words were turned out from his
self-binding mouth at the rate of $50
bales per hour, with an average of 1000
words to the bale, Troy measure. This
was kept up for five hours, with no inter.
ruption except occasional stops for oil.
ing, and once for repairs, when the gov
ernor broke the Pitman rod which drove
his lower jaw. At l o'clock in the morn
ing, however, the governors head be-
came white-hot, and just in the midst of
a powerful appeal, the sheriff of the
county slipped up and threw off the
gearing, at the urgent request and ad-
vice OF the state boiler inspector. Be-
You'd a melted escape pipe, and n or
two stop cocks blown out, however, the
governor was not seriously damaged. and
will be repaired the last Of the week, and
prepared to resume the campaign.
I fear greatly that Mr.. Jay Jay>Cor.
bett, knight of the p%ompadour, king Of
the drama, and devotee of the boiled
shirt, will soon become untitled FIR
pugilism, should he continue in his pres.
ent career. In fact, the admirers Of Mr..
Corbett as a pugilist are being gradually
weaned away from him, since his adop.
ton OF histrionism and his ~lionization by
society. So fastidious, indeed, has the
champion become, that he uses unst;ntad
quantities of Wang Ylang upon his dailv
handkerchief, which, in the use to which
it is ordinarily applied, has altogether
usurped the former functions Of his fret
hoger and thumb. In accepting a chal-
lenge to fight, also, Mr.. Corbett is alwavs
particular as to the social eminenca a.
otherwise Of his would-be contestant
and unless he can be vouched for "a II
Industrious ancestry and OF at least the
fourth generation from an abolition At
the knife as 9 conyeyer OF ~sustenance "a
the facial orifoe, the challenge is treated
with all the disdaln which comes 81
! social superiority. In his present occu-