The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-10-14
Advice toaa Eat woman.

She was large and hashy and coarse.
ana more than all these, she was fat.
says the Detroit Sun. When she entered
a Woodward avenue car yes terdaY all the
passengers looked at her and fell to reck-
onlng up the profits of a travelling show
with her as a leading ATTRACTION. In less
IMAM fVe minutes every inmate but one
had made himself a retired millionaire
ana was sitting on the piazza of his coun-
Wy residence smoking 50-cent cigars by
tne mile. This one exception sat opposite
lhe leading attraction and chewed to-
bacco, with look of heavenly resignation
on ms race, such as school boys who are
having their milk teeth extracted are sup
posed to wear as an exclusive. Among
mat car load of awe-struck mortals he
sat and chewed the cud of narcotic con-
tent and spat upon the rug. a living en-
bodlment of the great and only undazzled.
The leading attraction gathered her
SKIRTS around her and cast a look at him
that would have gone through a cowhide
boot and two pairs Of stockings and with
cred cork leg
Everybody expected to see him shrfvel
to mummy, but he didn't even wilt-he
only chewed and smiled.
Fellow, said she, you chew tobacco
Why do you spit in my presence"
Because my mouth is full"
I'm not endure it; I'll call the conduc-
tori"
Pray don't disturb yourself; if madam
wishes to get off | shall be pleased TO
She looked Calling guns and dynamite
at him. but said nothing. He spoke again
and she did not signal the conductor, and
sat still and heard him.
If madam will listen shall be pleased
to tell her why I am obliged to indulge
in this habit that is 50 hateful to her. I
do 1t o-escapeH a worse-indeed, much
worse fate madam as you are now, so
once was -
She started and said:
What do you mean?'
I was obese
She looked ScOrnful.
Il was polysarCeus."
She looked interested.
Il was, | say, Sinquescent.
She was fascinated. --.
I'm other words, l was fat"
And mad was no name. for how she
looked. She tried TO catch the conductors
eye, but he was busy staring at some
girls in a window on Elizabeth street and
did not see her; she made a frantic effort
to get up, but the car was in motion and
she was firmly wedged, so she was obliged
Yes, madam, I was almost as bad off
as you are now. Like you, ate chalk and
drank vinegar; l took arsenic and bella
donna in large doses, but they did me no
good, and in a few years 1 should have
been as teshy as you are II had not got
relief from tobacco. Every time entered
a street car they called for another horse;
my picture was stuck up in all the local
fairs and labeled The Prize Porker; the
soap boy used to yell grease an extra
half hour under my windows every morn
ing, and one time, when / was SICK, the
boss of an oleomargarine factory called
upon my wife and tried to get mortgage
on my remains. He said he had promise
of yours. and if he could only get a claim
on mine all the associated creameries
might go to-hello! must you go so soon?
Well, goodbye. Take my advice and go
to chewing. 1t will help you when every
thing else fails"
The great undazzled put in another quid
and looked dreamily out on the common,
and four old maids with paper parcels
and bandboXes came in and occupied the
seat left vacant by the leading attraction.