The Baptist headlight., 1894-03-28
Let Us All Laugh.

DOSUOA
In an autograph book: "Be con-
sistent. Never accept advice. Not
even this. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
"HOw DO you manage to live in
this dead town." Fine: I'm the IN
dertaker. ATLANTA Constitution.
SPEAK gently to the erring or you
won't get an invitation to the killing
of the fatted calf -Elmira Gazette.
TOM-How old is your sister Mabel?
Ned-Her count, do you mean, or
orr family Bible record? -Someryille
Journal.
GENERALLY the more aimless a
boy is, the better he likes to run
around with shotgun. -Binghamton
Republican.
ARTIsT-"Madam, it is not faces
alone that | paint; it is souls" Mad
am-"Oh, you do interiors then?"-
New York Sun.
SHE-Before we were married you
used to call me an angel. He-And
now | wish you were one. Isn't that
just as well?-Truth.
ONE reason why it is often difficult
to find ru 1away team is that the
horse usually takes the traces with
im.-Lowell Courier.
GAYsoN-" She answered me rather
shortly when / asked her to be mine. +"
Townson-"Indeed. How" Gayson
-"She said yes. Truth.
LANDLADY-You haven't touched
your coffee, Mr.. Jones. Anythin G
unusual the matter with it? Mr.
Jones-Well, yes; it's hot.-Truth.
AUNT-"Child, you certainly don't
call yourself dressed with your Shout
ders all bare like that?" Meteor
course not, auntie Gowned." -
Puck.
FoGG-Come, Figg, have smoke"
Figg-rll die first Fogg-Oh, we'll,
every man to his liking. I'll do my
smoking before I die. Boston Tran
script.
MRS. RUssELL-"Oh, Edward, you
should say palm, not pam" Mr.
Russell-"Well that being the case
will you please pass me the halm?"-
Truth.
MONEY talks, remarked the bust
ness man who was ruefully cOntem-
plating lot of idle capital; "but it
doesn't talk in its Sleep" Washing
ton Star.
"HARDUPPY tells me he never de-
StrOyS a receipted bill" mo: he's
more likely to have them framed and
hung up in his parlor as curiosities.
It'd. Bits.
POSSIBLY the roped arena may rep
resent serious battle, but any girl
knows the kind of an engagement the
real prize ring stands for -Philadel-
phia Times.
JACK-"I have confession to make,
and you shall be my priest. I-Ilove
you" Jess-"I forgive you freely:
but-but priests don't marry, you
know."-Puck.
BoY-Pa, the minister said to-day
we'd all have to be born again.
Father of eight-That means anoth-
er fortune for drinks and cigars,
suppose, Puck.
did you know Mrs. Plentirocks
has stained glass all through her new
house?" NO; but what a pity! Can
she get anything to take it out?"-
Rochester Democrat.
How DO you know she is plain
looking? You haven't seen her" Il
wrote SO her in praise of her intel
lectuality, and she didn't get miffed."
Transcript.
THERE is much mystification in
London over the expedition against
the Sofas, and the indications are
that somebody's been lying on them
Philadelphia Ledger.
Mrs, J.-Are there any good dry
goods advertisements in the paper
this morning? Mr.. ideally, L
don't know. | usually read the other
part. --Somerville Journal
PAT-"Phat is the Metropolitan
Opera House / hear so much about?"
Dennis-"It must be a storage ware
house-for all them big millionaires
have their boxes up there Truth.
I'll SUPPOSE you have been shopping
all day again, said Mr.. Snaggs to his
wife at the supper table. And |
suppose you have been bucket shop
ping again, retorted She. Pittsburg
Chronicle.
Mrs. RUsHER-Has Mr.. Goldcoin.
with whom you have been dancing
all the evening, at last declared his
Mabel? Mabel - Yes.
aunt Mrs. Rusher-I am so glad.
And what did he say? Mabel-He
declared he would never marry. -
Vogue.