The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-05-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


lends you anything. Philadelphia
Record.
Are the members of college PiEta
society particularly partial to pastryi
Lowell Courier.
Generally man can get into fash
ionable society with q golden wedge.
New York Journal.
Woman's sleeves must be hot-tem-
pered, rs they are nearly always ruffled
up-Florida Times.
Jones-"What does he do?" Brown
-''Do?" Why, he does 'erybody."
Florida Times Union.
As much hate can sometimes be put
into word as can be fired out of O
musket. RAMS Horn.
A genuine sign in a Market street
restaurant, Philadelphia: ''Six o'clock
dinner here from $50 to 80. Life.
The fellow who tells all he knows
wouldn't be half SO insufferable if he
knows all he tells. s.-Phiadelphia Rec.
ord.
1t is an indisputable fact that every
man who wears his watch IN his vest
pocket is behind time. Philadelphia
Record.
Nedders-"What's bon mot?"
Notwithstanding you always think
of after it's too late to say it."-Chi-
cago Record.
If you have nothing else to do see
how rapidly you can say ''soup
soothes theosophists thoroughly. -
Texas Siftings.
The Benefits: "What makes some
girls look young so long?" ''The men
are to blame. They won't propose"
--Life's Calendar.
A man denies himself pleasures when
he is young that he may have money
to pay out to the doctors when he is
old. -Atchison Globe.
II is a mistake to suppose that wo-
men ever marry for money; some
times, however, they marry for the
want of it. Boston Transcript.
Sime-''Your father was an old
whaler, wasn't he, Jimmie?" Jimmie
Yes; but near as l can remember
ma did her share of it Boston
Courier.
my wife is very sick, Doctor " "Is
she suffering much?" "SufferingJ
Well, 1 should say so. Why, she had
such a bad cold she can't talk. -
Spare Moments.
''How is it that Lightop takes SO
much interest in all that Nupop's baby
tries to say?" "Oh, he's writing a
dialect story and depends ON the baby
for ideas. Inter Ocean.
Half the world never
knows how the other half lives"
Madison-"That's what comes of liv-
ing in flats without an air shaft. -
Browning, King Il Co.. s Monthly.
Affable Swell-"Well, the fact is,
my name is not Smithson. You see,
/ am travelling incog There's my
card" Fellow Passenger "Glad to
hear it. I'm travelling in pickles.
Here's mine. brooklyn Life.
Mother--"Don't you think that a
boy of your size could take the tacks
out of this carpet if he wanted top
Small Son-"l guess 50. Shall take
my sled and so out and see if can
find one who wants to?"-Good News.
Lady-"You say you are "A musician.
Well, I'll give you little practice.
just go over TO the woodshed and
tackle n few chords" Tramp-"Ex-
cuse me, madam, l am tenor and I
fear those chords are too heavy fcg
me- "-Philadelphia Record.
'I wish some missionaries didn't
vary so much, said KING Kannabile,
as he swallowed his portion of the roast.
81 wish so, too, said Queen Kansa-
bile, "but there are SO many brands of
Presbyterians these days it's hard to
tell what TO order. Harlem Life.
Man of Fashion (reading n newspa-
per that village schoolmaster hai
shot himself because he could not pay
a debt of fifty marks) Ridiculous
Why, if l were TO shoot myself for
every fifty marks that l owe l should
be kept at it all the year round W-
Fhegende Blaetter.
Mrs. Honeymoon Ito brid groom, in
railway train)-'Do YOU love me?"
Old Party (confdentially Fl ON the
other seat to the bridegroom --'' She's
asked you that fo'ty seven tines al
ready. l get out here, but I'll leav.
the score with this gentleman by the
window. Tit Bits.
1t Worked Both Ways: She
''Does the fact that / have money
make any difference TO you, deares
He-"Of course it does, my own. IL
is such comfort 10 know that if
should die you would be provided for.
She-"But suppose | should dep
He-"lhen | would be provided for,
- lAfe's Calendar.