West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1894-01-25

Sssze."
"Pd tpas stamping on II Nth his boots.n
mo. Pa has not got religion enough to
hurt yet. but he has got the symptoms.
he has Joined the church on prowbation
and Ia trying TO DO good so he can get in
the church for keeps. He said IL was
hell living the way he did, and he has got
me to promise to go TO Sunday school.
He said III didn't he would maui me SO
my skin wouldn't hold water.
on see, Ma said PA had got to be on
trial for six months before he could get
in the church, and If he could get along
without swearing and doing anything
bad he was all right, and we must try
him and see If we could cause him to
swear. She said she thought a person
when they was on prowbation ought
to be martyr and try and overcome all
temptations to do evil. and if Pa could
go through six months of our home life
and not cuss the hinges off the door he
was sure of n glorious Immortality be-
yond the grave. She said il wouldn't be
wrong for mo to continue TO play inno-
cent jokes on Pa, and IL he took il ALI
right he was n Chistian but il he got a
hot box and flew around mad he was
better ont of church than i'm it. There he
comes now" said the boy as he got be-
hind sign, land he Is pretty hot for a
Christian. He is looking for me. You
had ought to have seen him I'm church
this morning.
"You see, commenced the exercises Mt
home after breakfast by putting piece
OF ice in each OF Pas boots, and when he
pulled on the boots he yelled that his feet
were all on fire. and we told him that il
was nothing but symptoms of govt, so
he left the ice In his boots to melt, and
he said all the morning that he felt as
though he had sweat his boots full. But
that was not the worst. You know. Pm
he wears liver pad. Well, ON Saturday
my chum and me was out on the lake
shore. and we found nest of ants, these
little red ants, and / got pop bottle
half full of the ants and took them home.
didn't know what ! would do with the
ants, but ants are always handy to have
IN tina house. This morning when Pa
was dressing for church / saw his liver
pad on chair and noticed n hole in it,
and thoughtwhat a good place it would
be for the ants.
Il don't know what possessed me. but
Took the liver pad into my room and
opened tho bottle and put the hole over
the mouth of the bottle, and guess the
ants thought there was something to eat
In the liver pad. 'canse they all went
into 1t. and they crawled around in the
bran and condition powders inside of it,
and ! took IL back to Pa, and he put 1t
ON under his shirt and dressed himself.
and we went to church. Pa squirmed a
little when the minister was praying,
and guess some of the ants had come
out to view the landscape Ger. When
we got up to sing the hymn, Pa kept
kicking, as though he was.nervous, and
he felt down his neck and looked sort of
wild. the way he did when he had the
mjams When we sat down, Pa couldn't
keep still, and like to died when saw
sorno Of the ants come out Of his shirt
bosom and go racing around his white
vest. Pa tried to look pious and re-
riQned, but he couldn't keep his legs
rtiii, and he sweat more'n pailful.
when the minister preached about
the worm that never dieth,' Pa reached
into his vest and scratched his ribs. and
he looked as though he would give $40 il
the. minister would get through. Ma she
looked at Pa as though she would bite
his head of, but Pa he just squirmed and
acted as though his soul was on fire.
Say, does ants bite or Just crawl around2
Well, when the minister said amen and
prayed the second round and then said
brother who was n missionary 20 the
heather would like to make a few re-
/ ri Oh. A a a
in Bengal and take mp n collection, Pa
told Ma they would have TO excuse him,
and he lit out for home, slapping himself
on the legs and on the arms and ON the
back, and he acted crazy. Ma and me
went home after the heather got through
and found Pa In his bedroom with part
Of his clothes of, and the liver pad was
ON the floor. and Pa was stamping on II
/ with his boots and talking offul.
what is the natter says Ma. Don'l
/ your religion agree with your
! Religion DO dashed, says Pa as no
kicked the liver pad. 4 would give SIC
10 know how pint Of red ants got into
my liver pad. Religion Is one thing. and
a million ants walking all over n man
| playing tag IL another. / didn't know
the liver pad was loaded How in Go.
benna did they get in thereY and Pa
scOwled az Ma as though he would kill
her.
/ Don't swear, dear says Efa NJ che
threw down her hyrDnbook and took OH
her bonnet. You should be patient. Re
member, Job was patient, and he was af.
hirtod c,itb acre lsodie
% a don't care, says IA a. no chased
the ants out Of bis drawers; Job never
bad ants IN his liver pad IF he had. he
would have swOre the shingles On barn.
Here, you,' says Pa, speaking TO me, Won
head on them ants running under the
bnreau. II the truth was known. I be-