The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-05-12
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS ~ FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Different Now The Reporter Didn Z
Know Womsn--A Hairy Watch =
Romance Gone, Etc, Etc.
DIFFERENT now.

DuTIoW-DtlOEc you NtIc iHhIIlcu
you were full Of theories about man
aging a wife. How did they turn
out, Mcbride?
cBride-It's a condition. and not
a theory which confronts me now
! Judge.
THE REPORTER DIDN'T KNOW WOMEN.
City Editor-Haye you got the re-
port OF the ladies meeting?
Reporter-They voted to exclude
reporters. The proceedings are TO be
kept secret.
G.. Eyes, but why didn't you
wait until the meeting was over and
see one OF the ladies and get all the
particulars from her?-lNew York
Press.
HAIRY WATCH.
II wish you would see what is the
matter with this, f." said the customer,
handing his watch across the show
case; lit has stopped. Perhaps
there's IA hair tangled up in the bal
ance wheel"
The jeweler opened it, screwed his
eyeglass into place and made the GUS
tomary horrible grimace at the help
less watch. "A hairW he said /;
there's lock OF EN-"
We'll, give it shampoo. - Chi
cago Tribune.
ROMANCE GONE.
Hills-Why is it that they always
have bachelors respond to the
toast Woman, lovely woman"
Hulls-Married men know better
Truth.
POSSIBLY A MISTAKE.
"Will you kindly pass me the but
ter?" said IA guest at the hotel TO u
pompous-looking man on the other
side.
I'm gentleman, sir, he re-
torted, as he beckoned to the waiter
That's what | thought when
asked" said the first man, quietly.
WATERBURY.
ONE COMFORT.
How does your new girl like it
with you?" asked the caller.
"She seems to be contented."
Does she do the work well?"
NO; but she doesn't find fault
with the way l do it. Washing
ton Star.
NOT MUCH.
They say that Lightleigh Gold
waite is losing his mind"
"Well, he's lucky if that all he S
losing. - Detroit Tribune.
ABLE PHILOSOPHY.
Aunt .Maria-Are you sure that
Mr.. Spooner loves you?
CARRIE guess you would think
so to hear the silly things he says to
me.
Aunt Maria-But how do you know
you love him?
Carrie-Because they don't seem
silly to me- Boston Transcript.
IMPOSSIBLE.
Willie Wilt am afraid you fat
ter me, Miss Perte.
Miss Perte-Could you be fatter,
Mr.. Wilt?-[Truth.
NOT WHOLLY USELESS.
1T is difficult to tell what some
men are born for. There's young Co.
trox, for instance. OF what use is
he to his fellow creatures apart from
spending the money ne inherited
No use whatever. He is simply an
encumbrance in the world"
"Oh, no, sir; not absolutely use
less"
What can he do?"
He can drive tallyho coach and
blow a splendid blast on the horn y
-[New York Press.
Pedagogue-Most Of the titles pos
sessed by foreigners had their origin
in some service for the king. What
does TX. C.. b." stand for?
Pupil-It is keeper of the collar
button.-[New York Observer.
THE OHIO BLANKET BALLOT.
Husband-Suppose the Legislature
did give you the ballot-what would
you do with it?
Wife-Make dress pattern out Of
il unless the size be changed. = Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
DISGRACED.
Our jolly butchers shop to pass
For shame | scarcely dare,
Since my young wife applied, alas,
To buy an omelet there!
= New York World.
HARD TO UNDERSTAND.
There's one thing about me that
! don't understand, said Tommy,
thoughtfully, "and that's why it~Is
making marks on wall paper is such
lots Of fun, and making 'em in copy
books in school is such hard work. I"
i Harper's Young People.
OUTWARD AND VISIBLE SIGN.
Banks-That real estate man who
has an Office across the street has
Just made sale.
Riyers-How do you know?