Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-12-27
sprinkIes of spice.

f~Ps. ~~Supoliou WIN young
women-making parlor matches.-Low-
ell Courier.
If you'll notice, the hatchet-faced
man seldom splits his sides with laugh
ter.-Buffalo Courier.
With the college barber 1t Is an
everyday occurrence to score touch
down.-Richmond Dispatch.
Sometimes prayer for good
meeting is not answered because there
Is bad ventilation.-Ram's Horn.
The horse is supposed to be mans
best friend. unless he happens to bet on
him In a race.-Yonkers Statesman.
Stag parties are SO called, 1t Is
said, because the men usually stagger
home from them.-Oil City Blizzard.
Eyes, it's hard world" sighed the
balloonist, as he struck the fair
grounds with a sickening thud.-Yale
Record.
Her mother-Don't you find Jack
rather rough? Priscilla--Yes, mamma.
And yet he says he SLAVES every day
Oil City Blizzard.
81 am summoned to another climb"
said the bellboy as the indicator an
nounced a call from the top floor
Philadelphia Record.
-Operator-Now, how do you wish
to be taken, madam-bust or full
length? Miss Primley-No. sir. I'll
stand up.-New York Ledger.
No matter how others Of his race
have to live, the colored sleeping-car
porter always insists upon good quar-
tiers for himself.-Buffalo Courier.
A certain sage said he never knew
a rogue who was not unhappy. or
course not; it is the rogues who are not
known who are the happy ones.-Tid-
| Bits.
-He-"I see that China is suing for
peace" She-"How ridiculous! Has
mt she lost enough by war without go
ing into the law courts "-Boston Tran
script.
The prize of one guinea offered by
Tid-Bits for the best definition of 'life"
has been awarded for the following
definitions: "Life-A trial trip before
the launch into eternity"
| -Assistant-"I've the greatest freak
in the world here" Museum Manager
-"What is it?" Assistant-"A farmer
who speaks the dialect we get in maya
zine short stories. Life.
-Neighbor-"You HOY a large family
to support, Mr.. Finnigan." Mr.. Finni-
GAM how that, mum; an II they did
MT all earn their own livin' I couldn't
do it at all at all."-Tid-Bits
81 didn't see your portrait at the ex-
hibition, Miss Holmeleigh." "No. They
wouldn't take it. They said it was
good portrait, but my face was out Of
drawing. "-Harper's Bazaar.
-"De great beauty bout Thanksgib-
in" said Uncle Eben, sis dat, eff yoh
wants ter you kin take it outen de al
manack an keep it in yoh heahts de
hull yeah roun'." -Washington Star.
II PROPOSE" began the deliberate
old lawyer who called around to see
young widow on business, when his
vivacious client exclaimed, II accept"
They are now partners.-Dallas News.
Professor (returning home at night
|
Burglar under the bed)-"NO!' Pro-
fessor-"Thats strange! was positive
some one was under my bed."-Tid-
Bits.
"A Delicate COmpliment-Mrs Good
feed-"Will you ask a blessing, Mr..
Guest?" Mr.. Guest casting his eye ad-
miringly over the table)-"Really, my
dear madam, it doesn't need tide
troit Free Press.
-Tramp-Can't I get the boss ear
for a minute? Husband-I don't think
you can get her ear, but I'm sure If
you wait until she comes downstairs
you can get a piece Of her mind
Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Wickwire-Do you know that
the doctors say that too constant piano
practice is likely to produce curvature
Of the spine? Mr.. Wickwire-I didn't
know it before, but 1 don't doubt it.
At least, it makes the nelghbors get
their backs up.-Cincinnati Tribune.
After the Honeymoon-Time, June.
The Earl (proudly)-"I am carrying
on some interesting researches into the
early history of my family" The
American Countess Gate of the Metro
politan nouveauriche, snappishly)-
"Are you afraid that the facts have not
been effectually suppressed"-vogue
Here's another one Of those mill
ionaire plumber jokes In the paper"
said Criticus. did you ever see rich
plumber Hicks?" Never" said Hicks.
"All the plumbers I've ever seen have
been very poor plumbers. Still, fell
low may be poor plumber and yet be
rich man."-Harper's Bazaar.
He was pretty little youngster.
with little fat legs, that stuck out be-
meath clean, stiff-starched clothes.
what are you going to do when you
grow to be a manT asked a visitor.
The little fellows face assumed an
expression of earnest gravity as he re-
sponded with a voice which was evil
IDENTIFY shaken by sad memories Of the
past. "Whip papa. "-Tid-Bits.