Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1894-09-11
HOME GOVERNMENT.
THE MAIN IDEA SHOULD BE MUTUAL
RESPONSIBILITY.


ply of Harmony.
Household courtesy is the best Of all
courtesy. It is worth while to teach your
boys to raise their hats to friends in the
street, but it is more important that they
/ do not fail of refinement in the family
This will not be brought about SO easily as
by the courteous bearing of parents. Di-
rect orders are never necessary. 1t is as
easy and more effective to say, "Will you
please to carry this down stairs?" as to or
der it done. The politeness OF the request
breeds polite method of obeying. Mere
obedience is worthless. 1t only shows that
you have the brute force power to compel
your child to do as you bid.
But in the majority of families l believe
the cid habit of mere power is not yet out
lived. Parents do not rise to conception
of that finer power which comes with love
and gentleness. / am not advocating fee
bleness, either in manner or spirit. l be-
lieve in family government and in parental
authority, but do not believe in family
empires and parental autocracy. The
children are ours to mold. to control for
their advantage, to restrain from evil But
nature abhors dictator everywhere and
| above all dictatorial parent.
The ideal family moves smoothly because
the joints are oiled, not because the father
is big enough to enforce his will and the
mother not averse to using her hands to
beat her way through difficulties But even
here l am not a defender of moral sua
sion" and fearful of needful force When a
conflict cannot be avoided, would not see
a parent dawdliDg about with insipid words.
J would be sure of the right, and then see
that it wins. The opposition to all physical
force in education, whether in the school or
in the family, is maudlin. 1t is to stop to
quarrel over methods until obedienceis lost
sight of.
But, granting all this, we come back to
| the point that u parent who is not self gov
erned is not fit to govern Others, and in the
end it will be seen has not governed them.
1t may seem to be true that her will is
obeyed and her orders carried into effect.
The child has a private protest, or even
half expressed Indignation, and it will be
surely discovered at last that obedience was
only matter of the fingers or tongue-it
did not go down into and become IA part of
choice Now, what can we say of child
that, hour by hour, year by year, is growing
out of harmony with uss Have we success
fully managed our family affairs, or have
we. by mere chance, given birth to a mon
strosity? The failure is almost surely to be
traced back to ourselves. We have begun
by failure in the government of ourselves,
and failing there we could not govern out.
side of ourselves.
| l know mother who, feeling her own
failure in her own conduct to be so decided,
frankly says to her children: II am aware
of my own seebleness, of my comparative
failure. but would like very much to feel
that you are nobler, stronger and better
self governed. wish you to have reason
always at the front, and l shall try inyaria-
bly, to direct you rightly. 1t is possible for
you to retort on me that l should practice
before preach, but that will not help your
cases." So she laid the whole matter open
between them. They are aware of her fail
ings, but they have a sure conviction that
she loves their best interests and will never
fail to wish for their highest good.
| Why would not this plan work well in
many other cases, perhaps in the majority
of casesf Children are not deceived as to
our faults. Why not let it be understood
that we claim no immaculateness, but do
claim tender regard for our children? In
this case, at least, it has worked well, for
this mother is devoutly loved and her
IlHt III CltTtCleT anu
manners. But how shall l be able most
readily to exercise my word and will to get
the right thing done? There is so much to
alarm parent on this score that it seems
as if we should wish never to be compelled
to undertake it. am sure that we must
first satisfy the child that our aims and
wishes are unselfish and right. Then we
must just as surely convince them by ex-
perience that our purposes cannot be biased
or broken; that having calmly seen what
Is wise we shall aim for that in spite of all
opportunities
What shall we do about it2 From the be-
ginning let us consider two things equally,
our own duty and the individuality we are
to build up. 1t is in such tiny things
mother must work that philosophy at first
seems out of place. Bus is it out of place?
What philosophy can be more admirable
than that which makes household har-
monious-five boys, two girls or five girls
and two boys, all moving onward through
the labyrinth of intellectual and moral and
physical change harmoniously9 The won
der of it is that no two of the seven are
alike, no two have exactly the same train
ing. 1t is more than the government of
kingdom. But also no two days find our
young ones the same or needing the same.
How it did startle me when one day my
Oldest boys voice indicated change.
What! no longer boy? What am to
govern man at lasti How gently spoke
to him that dayl
Politeness is catching Once get 1t es-
tablished in household, and it goes from
one to another There is no possibility of
a thoroughly honest sweetness of manner
in mother that does not impart itself to
the children. | am specially convinced of
the value of enlisting the oldest child as a
helpmeet for the parent 1t will be nearly
impossible to recover family harmony and
2oise if the firstborn is allowed to go I'M
cultured or unframed. 1t will be very rare
that the younger children do not respond
to the united effort Of father, mother and
the older child. He should be led gently
and continuously to feel this responsibility.
1t is grand thing to get the notion of an-
thority out of the family and the idea of
mutual responsibility in its place.-Mary F..
Spencer in St. Louis Globe-Democrat