Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1894-02-28
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Benjamin Franklin was, the original
lightning calculate.
Crops that grow by the electric Ii at
Wild oats.-Bostoa Journal.
"Aslz popper," sail the IRE cracker
fuse when match was suggested.
That money talks don't dea-:
To me II always says, "GooIDy.'
It's odd enough that burglars tale
such risks in a safe opening.-B1l!tmors
american.
The head waiter reminds one Of ma
rimony. He is high meuial, it will be
remembered.
a stingy man can be relied upon to
keep everything but his promise
Elmira Gazstte.
"Capital punishment" as the boy said
when the school-nistress seated him with
the girls.-Bazar.
A man finds the poorest companion
ship when ne "entertains suspicion. !"
-WashiHgt0n Star.
Your friends may not know much, but
they know what they would do If they
were in your place. Giois.
Stranger (brightlD - ''Fine dayr.
Chronic Grumbier-o Ye.es-locally-
probably raining somewhere. Puck"
Now is the time when the small boy
of the family is caught poaching on his
mothers preserves.-Bahimors Ameri-
sdH.
All animals have their good points,
out for abundance of the same none can
compete with the porcupine.-Tee1s
SJftiHgs.
1t isn't so much that man objects to
pay the debt of nature; it is nature of
the debt that trouble hin.-B9ston
Transcript.
The peacock may not be inclined to
gossip, but he loves to spread a highly
colored tale about the neighborhood.--
ElmirG Gazette.
A man can always keep himself in
good credit so long as he doesn't ask
for it. Paste this in your hat and dodge
the fatal request.-Puck.
"If I were only in politics." musei
the car-horse as he started up the hill,
''what lot could do with the pull I
have. e."-B4timor6 American.
az don't look like a very formidable
fellow" soliloquized the honest milk
dealer; "and yet I've made lots of
bigger men take water. Life.
Blinkers-"Hcllo Winkers. 1 hear
you married a woman with an independ-
ent fortune" Wiukers-"No-o; Imar-
ried a fortune with an independent
woman.
Mudge-''I hear that Trimmings girl
has induced him to give up his cigars. ="
Yabsley-"H'mh! That's more than any
of the boys could do."-IndianaPo,ts
journal.
People who are constantly saying
''what is due to society" often forget al
together what is due to themselves, to
say nothing of what is due to the butcher
and baker.
"Sir," said the tailor, ''my suits talk
for me-" "But, my dear sir" expostu-
lated the customer, scan you expect me
to believe statements made out of the
whole cloth. ."-Baltimore American.
He-'YoI say you love me, bat can
not be my wife. Is it because am poor2
There are better things in this world than
money" She-''Quite true, but it takes
money to buy them. ."-Bast0a Budget.
THE BALD MAN REJoIcEs.
l love the crisp, cool autumn days
They fill my soul with glee,
For then in peace l go my ways
Vita not ny on me.
-Netg Yori; Herald.
Oidun-''Remember, my son, to al
ways keep your expenses within your in
come" Young a better plan
than that. 1 propose bringing my in
come up to my expenses. .'-IHdiaaaPo,is
JurEG5.
"Dinguss is a man of expensive
habits, is he not, ShadboIt!' "Yes.
Dingdss's habits since 1 have been ac-
Quainted with him have cost me S156,
without counting a cent for interest. -
Chicag1 IFijuHs.