Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-11-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Man wants but little here below
woman wants the rest.--Truth.
A man never knows how to be son
until he has become father. -Atchi-
son Globe.
With most people, success has
strong tendency to destroy belief in
luck.-Puck.
He-s1 hear that you are going
abroad in month";" She-''Not
much-in q boat. Truth.
He-"I'm telling you the honest
truth" Shells there dishonest
Popularity is one of the most vague
and underlined possessions that man nc
quires. es.--Milwaukee Journal.
When n man goes into business,
everybody wonders "where on earth
he got the money. '-Atchison Globe.
This sweet old world is funny.
But we learn 1t by degrees
The bees first steal the honey,
Then we steal it from tho bees!
Atlanta Constitution.
The trouble about the trials of this
life is that fellow always. wants to
render his own verdicts.
Plain Dealer.
Visitor discovering acquaintancel
-"Hello, what are you here forw
Prisoner (briehy)-"For six months. "
Detroit Free Press.
The Author-sI trust you enjoyed
my play?" The Parvenu--"Yes, in
deed. The entr'actes are SO delight
full. "-Chicogo Record.
Nor bruised nor bleeding WIS tho man
Who near the cars front took Il seat;
No broken bones had he, although
He'd fallen over forty leet.
II went position for my son as an
editor9' "What are his qualifica.
tions?" "Failed in everything else.
Atlanta Constitution.
"Did you tell your mistress that
called yesterday when she was outT
Maid-'It wasn't necessary. She saw
you coming Inter- Ocean.
"Flossie has accepted that horrid
old Goldheap. What do you suppose
she was thinking of?" Hettie-"Rer-
self, dear. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
She laughed at every little jest.
Even though 1t might be simple;
1t wasn't wish to show her tastc,
But a cunning little dimpe.
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Agent-''Bunker is social philoso-
pher." Caller-''In what respect?"
Agent-"Ho never kicks when we dun
him repeatedly for his rent. He just
moves.
DR.. Emdee-"Year ago the doctors
used to bleed their patients for about
everything they had" Van Pelt-.-
"The practice doesn't change much,
does it?"-Trutb.
Kashem-"Why don't you put
check to that fellow who is cverlast-
inely dunning you?" Bilker-"Whatd
be the use? The bank wouldn't pay
it"-Buffalo Courier.
Old Lady (proudly)-"My boy is
hustler all the time, but he is hump
ing himselfhe lately" visitor--"Is
that so? What bicycle does he ridc?"
Detroit Free Press.
Now all the college boys bestow
Upon their hair and muscle
Consummate care, because they know
In football they must hustle.
Washington Star.
"There is ono great objec-
tion to onions" Winks-"What's
that?" '"They are wholesome. "Do
you consider that an obiection?" Ger
tainly. People who are fond of them
don't die half SO soon rs you'd like
them to. New York Weekly.
"Yas," said Mr.. Jason, 81 allow
that women mir the sentimental sex
and all that sort of thing, but I've
allays noticed that when couple git
engaged it is The woman that first
thinks of fggerin' out how they DIR
to live on his salary. indianapolis
Journal.
Indicative: "What makes you think
Jack Youngley is going to propose to
you?" "Why, we were dancing tho
other night and l complimented him
upon the easy way in which he held
me. ooh, yes, ho said, it's always
easy for me to hold my own. y
Brooklyn Life.