The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1894-08-20

have them sold here: resolved 81, we
will make an original package out of
my damnable scoundrel thai tries it
in fifteen minutes after he begins.
AS the people at Vicksburg and Jack
their cities said, 1--WE are quarantined
against the world. Yellow fever, with
its blighting scourge, has settled over
this valley, and we will shoot down
any man that crosses the limits of our
city, whether he has got yellow fever
or not" And said l, IF Jackson and
Vicksburg can quarantine against yell
low fever, by the grace of God, Car
tersville. Ga, is quarantined against
whisky"
Talk about your politicians-your
ward politicians and your state poll
ticians and your slick politicians-why,
/ could take a bottle of whisky and
toll the whole gang to hell. You can't
show me an old rounder 'vho is not
soaked with whisky from snout to tail
Oh, 1 know all about them I've been
all along the line and 1 know what
am talking about. I'm telling the
truth. / told you so when l started out
didn't L?
Now. you old fogfes around here
know this as well as I do, but still you
walk around here with tears in your
eyes, with a long black coat on and a
white necktie and wonder how things
can be regulated. You couldn't regu-
late a clock, for you haven't got the
nerve. You need a dose of rough On
rats. That's what you need You need
regulation yourself, and I have pre-
scribed the remedy. 1 tried to pray for
one of you fellows once, but I could
not pray as high as l could spit: it
would just not go up.
Between you fellers, these saloon
keepers and labor agitators, this world
is jim pretty fix. / would like to see
some agitator call me out Not much,
Bud; I'm not built that way Say, you
old doctors, I like you tolerably well.
but if you had a grievance and wanted
me to join in sympathy strike, do
You think ] would join you? Not
much, pop. You will have to tote your
own skillet. l am going to pilot my
own canoe-you can't call me off, | am
working for God, Sam Jones and his
family and for Georgia. 1 am always
with the bottom dog, however, and if
you see dog fight and 1 am not with
the under dog, kicking with both feet,
you can just go in to dinner, for the
fight don't amount to much.
Now. something more about poll
tics. Someone asked me if 1 was a
Democrat Well, I should say that I
am not. 1 used to walk along in
Democratic procession, carry a torch,
and drink whisky that would kill man
at forty rods. but 1 don't do it any
more-not much, Mary Ann.
oh. you need not giggle, you old
Republican devils. l never got SO low
down as to get mixed up in your low
down old dirty party. Thank God for
that! A Democrat is a hypocrite in
the church, and a Republican is a hypo-
right from the shoulder. There it is
got sense enough to know that they
couldn't get in if they wanted to. So
much for that.
Did 1 hear some one say they did
not like my language? Well now, if
mad a decent audience L would use
decent language, but how could this
crowd appreciate a good sermon? |
generally choose my own language.
however, and if you come out to hear
me, you are going to get some hot shot
rnght from the shoulder There it is
again. L hear every once in while
that some old sister don't like me, but
she Is not mean. She is just an old
TOOL She don't know any better. I
know one thing-I don't like a saloon,
and there is not as many of me as
there are saloons in this old town, and
you will have to put up with me while
L am here. Do you hear that?
L never was run. out of town. and
II any one attempts the job they will
get their feet mixed up in my galiusses.
You heard that, too, didn't you? 1
said 1t loud enough. l am about through
talking now, but l won't stop until |
get ready.
Sit down there, I am not through
yet. You put me in mind Of a lot of
hogs AS long as there is any butter
milk In the trough they will stay by it.
but when the supply is exhausted thev
VIII sneak off. Now sit down there,
you feliers, until I say amen, am lust
about as anxious to catch that first car
as you are, and another thing, 1 am
doing the talking and am about as
tired as you are"