Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-04-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

"A close 1rlenQ-IQe one VINO neV6
lends you anything. Philadelphia
Record
Are tie members of a college Pi Eta
society particularly partial to pastryl
Lowell Courier.
Generally man can get into fash
ionable society with golden wedge.
New York Journal.
Woman's sleeves must be hot-tem-
pered, rs they are nearly always ruffied
up.-Florida Times.
Jones-"What does he do?" Brown
-'Do?" Why, he does rerybody."
Florida Times Union.
As much hate can sometimes be put
into word as can be fired out of q
musket. Rams Horn.
A genuine sign in a Market street
restaurant, Philadelphia: six o clock
dinner here from $50 toT.30. Life.
The fellow who tells all he knows
wouldn't be half so insufferable if he
knows all he tells. s.-Phiadelphia Rec
ord.
1t is an indisputable fact that every
man who wears his watch in his vest
pocket is behind time. e.-Philadelphia
Record.
Nedders -"What's bon mot 2"
Notwithstanding You always think
of after it's too late to say it. Chi
cago Record.
If you have nothing else to do see
how rapidly you can say ''soup
soothes theosophists thoroughly. -
Texas Siftings.
The Benefits: "What makes soma
girls look young SO long," The men
are to blame. They won't propose"
--Life's Calendar.
A man denies himself pleasures when
he is young that he mey have money
to pay out TO the doctors when he is
old.-Atchison Globe.
1t is mistake to suppose that wo-
men ever marry for money; some.
times, however, they marry for tho
want of it. t.-Boston Transcript.
Sime-f'Your father was an old
whaler, wasn't he, Jimmie ?' Jimmie
---"Yes; but near as | can remember
ma did her share of it it!"--Boston
Courier
my wife is very sick, Doctor - 'Is
she suffering much?" ''Sufferins7
Well, should say so. Why, she hal
such bad cold she can't talk. -.
Spare Moments.
''How is it that Lightop takes SO
much interest in all that Nupop's baby
tries to say?" "Oh, he's writing a
dialect story and depends on the baby
for ideas. Inter Ocean.
Stuyvesant-"H Half the world never
knows how the other half lives"
Madison-"That's what comes of liv-
ing in flats without an air shaft. -
Browning, King AZ Co. $ Monthly.
Affable Swell-"Well, the fact is,
my name is not Smithson. You see,
i am travelling incog. There's my
card" Fellow Passenger-''Glad to
hear it. I'm travelling in pickles.
Here's mine - Brooklyn Life.
Mother--'Don't you think that a
boy of your size could take the tacks
out of this carpet if he wanted tor
Small Son-"l guess so. Shall l take
my sled and go ont and see if can
find one who wants to?'--Good News.
Lady "You say you are musician.
Well, I'll give you little practice.
Just go over 10 the woodshed aud
tackle few chords. Tramp-"Ex-
cuse me. madam. | am tenor and /
fear those chords are too heavy f,~
me. Philadelphia Record.
III wish some missionaries didn't
vary So much, said KING kannabile,
as he swallowed his portion of the roast.
81 wish SO, too. said Queen kansa.
bile, "but there are 50 many brands of
Presbyterians these days it's hard to
tell what to order - Harlem Life.
Man of Fashion (reading newsra.
per that village schoolmaster la,
shot himself because he could not pay
IA debt of fifty mnrksl Ridiculous
Why, II were tn shoot myself for
every tifty marks that I owe ! shou,d
he kept at II all the year round ~
fiiogende Blaetter.
Mrs. Honeymoon TO bsid groom, in
railway train Do YOU love meY'
Old Party leonhdentially hom the
other scat 90 the bridegroom ~ shes
asked you that fo'ty seven times al.
ready. | get out here. but I'm loas.
the score with this gentleman hy the
window Tit Bite
II Worked Both Ways She
Does the iaet that ! have muueg
make ans difference - yoa. desrss
He ''Of course u slass, M uen Il
= such eonioft q kanN that II
should lie sou would ho provided fof
Hs-" Then { would be provided tea
- Llfsis lalsnIsa