The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1894-10-18
PlTH AND POINT.

1t is all very well to tell a violent
man to keep his temper" but is he not
better off without it?
-He--''Has your father been vacci
mated yet?" She-'No; he is going tc
be tomorrow" He-"Tell him to have
it done on the foot IN. Y. Sun.
AT the Butcher's.-''Why did you
put up that large mirror near the door?'
''To prevent servant girls from watch
ing the scales. "-Fliegende Batter.
-Wilton-"So Penner's latest novel
failed to catch the public as he expect.
ed it would. Any particular reason
'Er-it was detective story.
Boston Courier
-Lawyer-"Did he'call you liar in
so many words?" Client-"Well, he
called me weather report" Lawyer
That is sufficient; you are sure to get
damages. "-Tit-Bits.
How did you come to break with
Miss Sweetlips? You always said she
was good as gold" Eyes; but I got ac-
quainted with girl who had the gold.
Boston Transcript.
-Summitt-"Miss Gayley seems
thoroughly imbued with the idea that
youth will tell" Bottome-"Yes; YOU
see, she has three or four small broth
ers. buffalo Courier.
Mr.. Manhattan-"Do you wear
ear-muffs in Boston when it is very
cold?" Mr.. Bunker Hill-"Certainly
we do" Mr.. Manhattan-"T hen the
streets can not be so very narrow after
all."-Siftings.
-Physician-"You must avoid all
excitement, avoid beer or wine entire
ly, and drink only water" But, doc
tor, the idea of drinking water eXcites
me more than anything else. File
gende Batter.
-Call-"What is the matter with
Fido that you are watching him so
closely?" Charlie-"Cause mamma
said your hat was enough to make a
dog laugh, and wanted to see him do
it. "-Inter-Ocean.
-Jimmy-"What is this moral cour-
age that the Sunday-school teacher
was tellin' us about?" Tommy-"As
near as I kin guess it, it's the kind of
courage that kids has that's afraid to
ht.-Indianapolis Journal.
You don't know how much your
book has helped me, Mr.. Scribbs." Mr..
Scribbs-"You fatter me-" 81 mean
every word Of it. Whenever am rest
less 1 60 get your book and inside of
fifteen minutes I'll be asleep"
Patient (complainingly)-'T can't
make out word of this prescription,
doctor" Physician (grimly)-''Never
mind. You'll find my handwriting per-
fectly legible, I'll warrant you, when
send in my bill. "-Somerville Journal.
On the Road Manager reading)-I
1.-THE egg product of the United States
to eight hundred and fifty !
million DOZENS" Old Actor reflective
ly)-"I've thought sometimes it was
more than that. "-Detroit Free Press.
You don't seem to get along very
we'll with yer old friend?" NAV. He
got ter thinkin' he knowed too much.
When l told i'm he orter put his mind |
in gymnasium an give is voice va
cation, he got mad."-Washington
Star.
Eligible Millionaire Il wonder
why a girl always shuts her eyes when
era fellow kisses her." Fair Arts
tocrat-"I never noticed anything of
the sort, but 1 suppose it depends upon
the kind of face the fellow has. Pick
Me-Up.
-Rambler-"That Bartlett girl |
thinks a great deal of me. When 1
told her I was going around the world,
she asked d me to be sure and write her
from every place l visited" Wilter-
eyes; she is collecting postage stamps"
N. Y. Sun.
-Will-"Why do you always carry
those corks with you when you go to
call on your fiancee?" Jack-"Well,
you see, she lives in a fiat, and use
them for stopping up the speaking
tubes when am bidding her goodnight
in the vestibule. IN. Y. Herald