The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-08-14
WILL SOCK 1T TO JOE.
"ls THA'S ANY LAW THAT'S WORTH A
DURN," SAYS WAYBAck GEORGE.
Tho simpsons and the Piums Engage In
Neighboriy Pleasantries Over the Circus,
Hopes Up and Then Down, and the same
Thing over Again.

"1f tha's any law that's worth durn |
then I'm gointer sock IL on TO Joe Plum 4
an make him sweat, said Wayback |
George Simpson at Gecville. in the hem. /
lock belt. There are two George Simpsons
in that ncighborhood, so they call ono
Wayback George because he lives eight |
miles back in the hills, and the other |
Handy-by George because he lives only |
three miles down the creek. This is SO
they won't mix the two Georges up
Il s'pose We heer'd about the circus that |
showed over to town last week." said |
Wayback George. First circus that's |
been anyways nigh this deestric' in five
year Last one that come along me an
the old woman got free tickets for lcttin
the Snowman stick some picturs on our
cowshed door, an we was feelln toll able !
good over this one, too, for tina wasn't no
doubt but what they'd want TO use that
COW shed door agin fer pictur's. Sure !
enough, they drove into our place, jist /
ahead o. the big thunderstorm that sloshCd |
things around in the deestric SO permscu-
Gus. i asst 'em into the house, an we signed |
for the barn door ag'in. 1 made an all
fired good bargain with 'em, fer they
throwed In tickets fer the man eatin can.
nibals an the pig that plays kecrds. jest
ez they was signing fer the tickets piece
o. light busted right over the farm an
swooped down onto that COW shed. In less
time than l kin tell ye that shed was blaz.
In, an ther wasn't no door left fer TO put
The pictur's on. Course that ended the
deal, an felt sorry fer the ole woman, fer
she had set her heart on goin to the show,
an she took on awful cause ther wasn't
uothin left o. the shed to paste n show pic.
tur' ON. Some folks mowt "a thought that
Eni NJ al 1,sit,
killed in the shed by the lightnin than
over the wipin off o. the face o. the earth
Of by 9 slab door, but setch folks hain't
acquainted with Sairy's yearnin's.
"'Cows hain't skeerce, said Sairy, but
I'll bate tina won't be another circus with
In 100 miles o. this deestric' In 40 year.!
she says, specially one with kecrd
playing pig an II man eatin cannibal, she
says.
We'll, that lightnin made me an the
ole woman goin to the circus look lcetlo
out o. the question, an things was gloomy
about my cleerin. Sol Parker owed me
considerable on n chopin job but Sol had
run pooty well to cmptyin's ON cash, nm
tina wasn't much show for my ever gittin
any from him, but Sairy had an idce.
"'You go over TO Sol Parkcr's, she
says, an tell him that ye hate to poster
him, cause ye know hos leetlc close to
the wind, but that thas circus comm,
an sumpin must be did. Tell him, says
Sairy, that yen take that ole sheep o.
his'n an call it square, says she. Them
show folks has got to hev meat fer their
animals says she. You kin trade 'em
that sheep fer tickets fer the show, says
Sairy.
II went over to Soils, an he wasn't no
ways slow in takin me up for | don't
s'pose he could IA got more'n seven shillin
for his old eve. ! druv tho sheep home,
an things cheered up the powerfulcst kind
Joe Plum lives jest hcyend me, an he
never had no cow shed nor nothin else that
anybody could stick show pictur' on, IN
so when he heard that / was spcctin to
hire my shed door fer tickets to the show
he was madder'n snake, cause he didn't
hev no kind o. chance o gcttin there his
self. When he hecrd that my shed was
eat up by lightnin, an that the deal for
tickets was off, Joe came over a-grinnin
meaner'n n hyeny.
$50 ye'vc changed yer mind bout goin
to the show, hev yef' says he to me. It's
goin ter be hummer, they tell me- says
he.
II didn't say much to Joe, fer | know'd
he couldn't go nuther, an that was some
consolation, fer il he'd ben a-goin think
I'd had to jump on him right there an
thump him so he couldn't IA got out fer
month made big mistake not a-doin
it, / tell yc
well, when / got Soils sheep, an Joe
Plum hcerd what | were Gale clatn to do
with It, he got madder'n he was aforc an
come over an said he had his idee o. folks
that trade off an inherent sheep fer lions
an taggers to eat, jest to git in an sec
circus that wasn't goin ter mount to
much anyhow. An l laughed at Joe, an
twitted him cause he couldn't 90 to the
show an asst him how much of his clearin
he'd give to be mo an Salry on show day.
Joe was all but crazy, an most felt sorry
| fer him to think what we was goin ter see
an he was goin ter miss.
"Thc mornin fore show day went to
| take look at the sheep, an the sheep was
gonel A bar had come down outen the
woods, killed my sheep an eat the most
| of 1t right on the premises, without my
ever gcttin an inklin Of it. Sairy swoond'
I'd dead away when told her, an | felt
like singin 'Hark, From the Tombs' an
THROWN ashes over me- When Sairy come
to, she give few gulps an then says to
| me:
Don't you say word so that Joe
Plum's folks'll hear o. this, she says.
I'D ruther go right over Jurdan this
minute than hear them Plums a-gloatin
cause can't git TO see the showr says she.
$50 l KEEP mum, an we gloomed an
| gloomcd for "a couple o. days. Then Joe
Plum come over, GRIMM wuss' ever.
"'I didn't sec you nor Sairy to the
show says he. 1T was hummer, says
| he.
How do ye knowi' says I.
Me an my folks was there, says he,
chucklin.
II most fell deFd.
"Ycs, says 40 The mornin fore
the show seen big bar sneakin hind
quarterin from your place here off to'ards
the woods, says he. Il got my gun an
sneaked around ahead o. the bar, says
he, an headed it off. only had to shoot
him wunst Who d. ye think bought himi
The head Snowman. He give me $50 fer
him an tickets fer me an Hammer AN all
the young uns! Sorry you an Sairy
changed yer minds, says Joe, 'Ie missed
Il heap, says he
"Now I'm down here s'archin fer lawl
II tha's any law that's worth durn, I'm
gointer sock 1t onto Joe Plum an make
him sweat That bar stole my sheep an
knocked me an Sairy outen the show. Joe
killed the bar that had my sheep inside
of him an gifts to the show that the bar
knocked mo an SaiTy out Of. II that hahn :
sheep stealth, its ss'ry arter the fact,
by gallinippersl An II don't make Joe
Plum sweat, then tina hain't no law that S
worth durnl'-Ncw York sun
A Rara Avis with Four Feet.