davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
BRIGHT BITS.

ITO think have increased in weight but
decreased in hight"
oh, no! One never knows how short he is
III ne returns from his summer vacation. -
Boston Gazette.
Judge-You are charged with assault and
battery what have you to say?
Prisoner o. a word. yeronner. 1t was
sayin, too much got me into this scrape.-De-
trOtt Free Press.
She-I don't see you with Miss Gotrox any
more, Have you and she had a misunder-
standing?
He-No; an understanding. She rejected
me.-BroOklyn Life.
Cholly-I wondah where-ah-Algy pro-
cures his beautiful accent, don't you know?
Dolly-Why didn't the deah boys tell you?
Jewish Messenger.
Bacon-What's that thread tied about your
little finger forY
Egbert Oh that's just to remind my wife
to ask me If l forgot something she told me
to remember-Tit-Bits.
Guide Gin Washington)-The goes one of
the most rabld high tariff protectio nists in
congress-
Visitor-That So What is he-a democrat
or a republican?-Puck.
Professor Occurring on the gorilla)-Gen-
tlemen, you must give me your undivided
attention. 1t Is impossible for you to form a
true idea OF this hideOus animal unless Won
keep your eyes fixed on me.-Boston Com
merclal Bulletin.
The poets in search of the golden ro1.
The farmers in search of the husker sedu-
lous:
The florists in search of blooming sod
The dudes IN search of a tailor credulous
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Something to Look Forward To.-Farrner
Brown after fourteen hours at hayingD-
Never mind, Tommy; haydn don't last for
ever. Jest remember that winters comm
soon, an nothin to do but saw wood an tend
the cattle an 90 to school an study nights
Harpecs Bazaar.
OKief-I see that 10000 men engaged in
the tailoring trades in New York have gone
on strike.
McEIl-That's mistake; in reality only
1000 have struck.
O'Kief-HOw do you make that out?
Mctll-It takes nine tailors TO make a man.
Brooklyn Eagle.
Al the Soda Fountain.-C1erk- What favor?
Bridget aside to PaD-Phat do he mean.
Pat
Pat-Whist, Biddy; don't show yer iguo.
rance they has fruit tavors in the soda III
be havtn sthrawberry in mine.
Brldget--Oh Wis, OF see, fruit faYors: Oi'u
have onion IN moine.-Life.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
Some Professors.

Nowadays the professors in our colleges
would do well to be addressed simply as
Mr.. Smith, Mr.. Jones" the title "profes-
sor being no longer distinctive, writes Kate
Field.
a short time ago. as I walked through the
hall leadin to my boarding house bedroom
L was SURPRISED to see the door opt n and a
man on his knees in the corner. INQUIRED
of the ehamUer maid why he was there
"Oh. he, all right" she answered Hes
Prof. Wilkins"
Prof. Wilkins Had the man suddenly gone
mad, or had he discovered some new specl-
men OF an mated nature in my apartment?
Why diL you bring him up here" 1 asked
l always wish to have callers wait for me in
oh" giggled the girl, what would he be
IN the parlOr for? hes Prof. wilkins, the
mouse man. Some of the boarders com
plalned there were mice in the house, and he S
looking for them"
When l interviewed Prof Wilkins he in
formed me that he was professor of roden-
tology, and found that his mind really had a
scientific turn. He gave me some interesting
facts IN connection with the mouse catching
business. One ia was of a lady who was
sued by her maid for damages because, in her
terror at discovering mouse in sugar basin
she had hung mouse, sugar and basin at the
girl head.
Another story illustrated the influence of
certain conditions on dreams. The professor
assured me, that one of his customers
dreamed of mi, c whenever she ate cheese
On the REGISTER OF a hotel in a western town
READ. L OF. PekklnS and staff geo.
logical survey was in progress. Proba bly I
reflected, Prof. Perkins was cor Quoting il.
That night through the tTansom of my door
l heard an unusually penetrating voice in
structlng class, but the OBJ ect was not geol
ogy. The stranger was giving points to his
agents on setting forth the merits of a GER
tain soap. The principal point was the purity
OF the ingredients. The oil used was of such
a quality that in the soap factory at the lunch
hour; the operatives lett The butter provided
for them, preferring to dip their bread in the
sweet and delicate oil This was no refec-
tion on the butter, which was the best cream
cry.
was so interested in this stranger that
inquired OF the clerk: Who has the room
opposite mine"
PROF. Perkins and two of his staff"
Prof. Perkins was professor of sava-
nolOgy. .
Prof. Null tonsorial artist, lives across the
border shortly after his marriage walking
with his dark skinned BRIDE, he met a Gus
tomer-one OF the 40 of his city. ''Mistah
Blankins. he exclaimed, blocking the way of
the astonished man, "Mlstah Blankins rah-
nit me to tntahduce Mrs. Prof. Null Mrs.
Prof. Null, Mlstah Blankins."
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
Food Authorizations.

Special Agent Wedderburn Of the agri-
cultural department, in report on the
adulteration of food drugs and liquors, says
that public ideas of the adulteration Of
such articles are in many cases very much
/ exaggerated. Nevertheless, he finds that
adulteration is general and increasing.
Even at the present time, he says, mo
kind of food, drugs or liquors is free from
the finishing touches Of the manipu-
lators." The extent of adulteration he
calculates to be about Is per cent, of
which about 2 per cent. is of a character
injurious to health. The remainder is the
practice of commercial frauds that do not
threaten health.
The value of the authorizations injurious
to health that are foisted upon the public
under the guise of food, drugs aud liquors
the agent estimates at Sl35, 900, 600
a year. To remedy this state of
affairs he wants the United States
TO pass a stringent pure-food bill ,
which shall compel the manufac-
turers of foods, drugs and liquors to
brand them for precisely what they are,
and forbid the transportation of mis-
branded articles from one state into an
other
1t is very desirable, of course, TO have
only pure foods, drugs and liquors on the
market, and great many of the states
have laws prohibiting the sale of such
articles in an adulJeraJed form. But
there are numerous objections to having
the general government go into the bust
ness of food inspector for the states.
There is reason to believe, furthermore,
that the new tariff law and the tariff re-
form laws that will be passed by
the democrats will nave the effect of
checking food, drug and liquor adultera-
tions.
Under the Mckinley law and other re-
publican tariff laws great monopolies in
certain lines of trade in food, drugs and
liquors have been built up. These monop-
olies have had the American market TO
themselves. Competition has been shut
out by Chinese wall of protection" 1t
made no difference what was the quality
of the products of the monopolists, the
people had to buy those products, or go
without. In order to increase their profits
the monopolists have adulterated their
products as they pleased. The public
have not been in a position to refuse to
receive the adulterated stuff, because
there was no other source of supply.
Under the new tariff the trusts and
monopolists will have competition in
trade. If they offer inferior goods, their
goods will be rejected. They will be no
longer able to crafty their rapacity at
the price Of the public health and to the
cost of the public purse. Competition
will stimulate honest business with hon
est goods, and adulterated foods, drugs
and liquors, along with shoddy garments
and blankets. will be driven out. 1t will
take some time to effect that end, of
course, but the influence of democratic
tariff reform is in thai direction
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
How He Defeated Her.

There Is continual strife between the
Bloomleighs, says Harper's Bazaar. 1t is only
question now as to which has the greater
wit whether they get a separation from each
otner or not bloomleigh doesn think any
more OF his wife than she thinks of him but
ne shslnAs from the notOriety that would Of
n tSslty follow pro 5eedings in court while
10 tell the truth, believe she rather Graves
it.
They fell to disputing, the other morning
as 10 which was most at fault for the la TX of
amenities so noticeable in their home and
after a series OF small spats, Bloomleigh pro-
posed that they settle the question by each
Keeping tab on the unpleasant remarks made
" the other for week. If he was victorious
MS summer vacation at once, while If she
Won the contest she was to visit her mother
without delay, thus leaving the vic or In
either case to the glorious and undisputed
20 s9ssion OF the field
Mrs. b. accepted the terms.
The effect was wonderful Peace hoated
with outspread wings over the Bloomleigh
domlcLe for SIX days. On the morning of the
seventh MI. b. looked across the table at his
wife ana asked: ''uave you checked auy i'll
INJURED remarks against my account my
dear"
No" she replied, you have con trolled
your tongue remarkably we'll. Have you
against me:'
Three hundred and twelve" he remarked,
What" she exclaimed. That cannot be;
nave not said single thing I've felt like
saying to you for week"
Il know it," said Bloomleigh, you said
them to the cook. They had to come out of
course. II start tomorrow"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
PERSONAL.

Madame Carnot. wife OF the late president
OF France, has been asked to remain honorary
president OF the Union des Femmes de
rance, the largest voluntary ambulance or
ganlzation In France.
William E. s. Faies formerly vice consul
for the United States at Annoy, has just re-
turned from China and is now in New York.
As 20 the pending war. he elieves that China
cess
Clifton R. Breckenridge, the new minister
to Russia. viii sail from New York Sept 20
for his post Of duty. He Will spend a few
dals at London with Ambassador Bayard,
anu expects to reach St. Petersburg ABOUT the
enc OF October.
Elsleten, the birthplace Of Martin Luther,
is sinking into the moor upon which it is
built. Measures have been taken in recent
years TO drain the log without avail, and the
inhabitants are seriously thinking Of aOan-
donlng the town.
Lord Wolseley, who has just been created
a field marshal in the English army, has at
tanned that rank at an earlier age than any
hon-royal officer since 1900, with the eNcep-
tlon OF the Duke Of Wellington, who Jecame
held marsha. at A.
Justin H Mccarthy. formerly a member Of
the British parliament, AMI his wife. known
on the London stage as Miss Cissy Lotus,
nave joined Augustus DAILY dramatic com
pany' Mr.. Mccarthy Will hereafter be Mr..
Daly translator and adapter
King Humbert is a royal sportsman of IN
usual skill with the rife. He wen. out from
his hunting lodge at ale dell Orco one day
recently and killed eighteen wild goats and
thlrtytwo chamols. When he q" az was ex
amlned II was found that every one of the VIC
Inns OF the royal rife had been shot in the
head.
Cain, the sculptor just before he died, ex-
pressed the wi h to give to the city of Paris
his last study in bronze an eagle and a vul-
lure hg hting over the body of a bear, whll
Was eNhlt lied at the Sa.ol Of 1891 and at the
word fan Chic ago. AZ will he set up in
lhe square Montholon, where the artist used
TO play when a chIId
Gen. Cassius NJ. Clay, who was in his day
one OF the great men of this country, and now
living in remarkably good health for his
years on his estate. near Richmond KY. will
re "a years old in a few weeks. Another
statesman OF Uy-gone day is Ex-Governor
ana eK-Uuited States Senator Alpheus Itch.
OF michigan, who is about rounding out his
goth year.
In his recollections OF Disraeli Lord Duff
FERN used to relate a characteristic story of
the novelist. Meeting Disraei as he was
strolIhg up hatless from the House of Com
mons TO speak to some colleague in the House
OF Lords. Lord Dutferin inquired of him if be
mad read certain novel, and received the
answer; on. have no time for novel-read-
ing now. Moreover, when want to read a
novel l write it."
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
THOSE English investigators.

II those Englishmen have come over
/ here to investigate the south in a spirit Of
/ fairness and justice. the south may be
/ able 10 interest them in some investiga-
! tioHs that have no hing 10 do with lynch
/ ings
/ The investigators must be people of
/ more or less means, else they could not
afford TO devote time ana money to the
gratuitous task of attempting to reform
a people who do not need their assistance
in that direction. Among the names of
the investigating committeeman printed
some days ago were those Of several men
of prominence in England.
II is the nature of Briton to strike a
trade whenever a good opportunity is
presented. The south can show the Wis
itors some of the very best openings for
investments that could be imagined
There are coal, and iron, and gold and
other mineral deposits in the south that
need to be developed. There are water
powers in the south, within sight of the
cotton fields, the energy from which is
going to waste. There are thousands of
acres Of idle lands that might be brought
under profitable cultivation. There are
hundreds of openings for various kinds of
manufacturing plants that are merely
waiting for the investor to come along
and take profits from them. And there
are numbers of other things in the indus
trial line that might be brought to the at
tention of the Englisnmen.
If the English investigators must come,
let the south first satisfy them about the
lynching business, and then induce them
to turn their Investigations to another
kind of business. There is nothing what
ever to fear, one way or another, from
any investigations the Englishmen may
make of our social affairs, while there is
a good deal 10 expect from the English
people who have money to invest, when
they become correctly informed with re-
gard to the south. Although they come
to criticise and denounce, we may be able
to turn their visit to some account.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
Con Reed's mustaehe overlooksd.

Everyone who has ever made made close
study of Mr.. Reeds characteristics of face
has noticed that he nourishes a verv small
mustache, says the Washington Pest. Every
thing out Mr. Reed is large but the hirsdte
adornment of his upper lip. Yet, the man
from Maine IS proud of it, like a mother OF
her punlest offspring. Once upon time the
eX speaker was taxing his fam ly 10 a neigh
boring town and entered the railroad sta ion
to purl base tickets. He pulled out large
Dill, paid for his tickets and walked away
without taking his ehange. He had been
seated IN the train but a shoIt time when the
conductor approached him.
Il i'd you leave your change at the ticket
static . he asked
Mr. Reed suddenly recollected that he had
The ticket agent who sold you the tickets, -
said the conductor. desert Jed you as a very
large man with smooth face"
ana muStaChe,H put in Mr.. Reed.
NO, said the conductor he didn't say
anything aCout mustache. guess he didn't
see 1t"
Mr. Reed thrust his recovered change into
his pocket with pout
"Confound it, he said to member who
was listening to the story from his lips the
other day, "a man has got to Ice small as
wilson 70 nave anybody notice that he's got
muStaChe'
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
Destiny and viotuals.


Fair woman, could your soul but view
The intimate relation
'TwiXt food and fate there'd be a new
And higher dispensation
Could you but see for destiny"
A synonym in dinners
And what the Kitchen $ alchemy
Could make of mortal sinners.
You'd leave odd tads and learn to balz
loaf and ok 'tater."
To roast a Joint or broil a steak,
Than which no art is greater.
What deeds Of fame are left undone.
what thoughts are left unspoken
What waiting "a Irels ne er are won,
what grand resolves are broken
Because OF Soggy bread and pies
And viands spoiled in Oroiling,
OF slckly taris and greasy fries
And coffee left a-boIling.
For. though with fortitude he braves
The terrO-s dread OF battle,
While, proud, aIoft his standard waves
And round him bullets rattle
Man often fails OF MODEST aims,
Unconscious OF his power.
When p lis and pOtions press their claims
In some dyspeptic hour
Mayhap It's SAID He lacks the grit
Or genius essential
By critics lllnd, with all their wit
causes inierential
Bat grit and gem are naught
When nature Installations
In ignorant allen TO- wrought
Inio oniuatons,
Are set before him day by day,
More ~ ing collation.
Mere brut .sh cravings 10 allay
Than for man deleCtatlon
Man cannot live by bread alone"
is well ana wisely spoken,
But make that adj he'll die unknown
nd give theRorld no token
OF high amtitwn 20 enties
TT genius slumb RUG tires
Inbred In him through galaxies
OF grand illJstrlous sires.
Then all ye danes and maidens fair
w no burn with high amultlon
VINO crave 70 molly 40 our share
TO better man ,ouditon.
You give us, could oar soul but view
The Intimate relali ion
WIZ 1000 ana fate ere long a new
Ana higher dlspensatlon.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEETNGs-The Hibernian Society; Live
Oak Lodge No. 3. L O. 0. F.
SPECIAL NoTJCEs-Return of DR., Wilson,
Dentist; AS to Bills Against the British
Steamship Blenheim Liquor Licenses;
Golden Apple Tobacco, Henry Solomon &
Son; Sea Island Cotton Bagging Etc for
Sale, Royal Bag Manufacturing Company;
For Rent Orear & Co.
ASGUsE1IENTs-'Ihe Girl I Left Behind
Me, at the Theater Sept. 20.
INSURANCE Semi-Annual Statement Of the
Condition OF the U. s. Branch Of the London
Guarantee and Accident Company, Limited
of England.
BEFORE You BUY FURNITURE OR CAR
PETs-Lindsay s. Morgan.
STEAMSHIP SCHEDULEs-Ocean Steamship
Company; Baltimore Steamship Company.
RAILROAD SCHEDULE-Central Railroad Of
Georgia.
QUANTITIES WILL TELL-Appel & SchauL
NOT Too CoOL-B. H. Levy & Bro.
AUCTION SALE-Pickled Beef, Mullets,
Etc, by j. H. Oppenheim s Son.
CHEAP COLUMN ADvERTIsEMENTs-H Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent;
For Sale. Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER II, 1894.
EEe1srEREn ArrHE PosroEEIcEINs AvAN,-. :

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MORNING NEWS, - Savannah, Ca.
Transient advertisements, other than special
column, local or reading notices, amuseIents
and cheap OF want column, 10 cents line.
Fourteen lines Of agate type-equal TO one
inch space in depths the standard Of meas
urement. Contract rates and discounts made
known on application at business once
EASTERN OFFICE, % Park Ror%, New
York City. C. s. FAULKNER Manager.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
The Missing Indictment.

A young attorney Of Fort Worth. Tex. tells
this story to the Gin sinnati Times-Star: I
was attorney in a case OF COW stealing at Al
bany, rex, ana was argLilg a motion for
continuance. The judge overruled my motion
ana told the dis rict attorney to read the in
allotment. He looked everywhere. but could
not ma 1t, and 50 reported to the judge. The
case was then continued until the next session
the following fall. The next day the district
attorney met me and said: DO you know
what became Of that Indictment Why. man,
you ate It, his was true. as he had found
small pieces on the court room floor after the
court adjourned. 1 am very nervo IS, and had
unconsciously picked up the paper and tore it
10 pieces with my teeth. apOlOgized to the
Judge at the session Of court, but l got my
cOnrInuance all the same
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
The Cost of Clothing.
From the Boston Herald 1pd1

The Wool and Cotton Reporter takes the
ground this week that clothing has been too
cheap IN tn country. IL finds the reason
Tor TINS IN eXtrayagant competition for its
production. The wa ses Of the tailor have
been too low, IL says; the profits Of the
clothier have been too small; the margins for
return 10 the Goth manufacturer have been
too narrow All this has been oDtslde and
Independent OF the tar H. In point OF fact,
while 1t has been demonstrated that low.
priced clothing could be produced under a
h.gh tariff this has been done at the expense
OF the working people ana OF those in Uusi-
ness. There may uo something IN this condi.
tlon OF Affairs; the MOO! and Cotton he.
porter is intelligent authority on the point
reduce the cost Of clothing production. who.
ever may have the benefit OF 10, and our CON
temporary seems to anticipate that 10 Will
prices.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17

The Chicago Times is the vehicle that
bears some depressing information 1t
says, ION authority" that Davis II.
Waite will not be the next governor of
Colorado; that he is on the populist slate
for United States senator to succeed Woi-
colt; that the legislature will certainly
be controlled by the populists, and that
Waite will be sent to Washington for a
six years term in the most august de.
Lucrative body in the world" He has
announced his candidacy TO his friends.
including LATE Pence, and they are
governing themselves accordingly. This,
10y the way, accounts for Fences declin-
ing to make the race for the Senate
against Wolcott His boss wanted the
job. and Pence knew he couldn't get IL.
II was not his line sense Of propriety that
Kept him from being a candidate for both
the House and the Senate. as certain
assistant populists in Georgia have been
asserting.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17

Ben CASTOR has rival in the Liberia
emigration business. A colored man
is reported to be up about Columbus, in
this state, offering to take colored people
to Liberia at the rate of Sal each. The
prospective emigrant, under the scheme,
is to pay 81 down and start for Liberia
Immediately, paying the balance in
weekly installmenUs Of 81 each. Not
withstanding the fiimsiness of the
scheme and the impractical bility of carry
ing it out, it is said the impostor is col
lecting lots Of first payments from credu-
lous blacks.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-09-17
SELF Confidence Wanted.
From the columbia IS. O. State Dem

EN1EE N1EV 7.
The commercial and Industrial agencies tell
from day to day OF The brighten NJ prospects
of the south The fact is being i'm r6ssel
upon the co ntry that this Sc ton is re uper-
ating more rapidly ami has the promise OF
be ter fall and winter business than any other
part OF the union, And WIN not. Wi great
crops OF corn, cotton. rice. hay and potatoes
made more eheapy tina ever Lefoie with
sound institute $ and the growing on6 lence
OF tue country why should not the south
thrlyes 4 he one thing needful is for our own
people 10 hasten the revival showing taas
faith In themselves aud their destiny which
men a thousand miles away freely ADMIT.