Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-08-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

n ioFer Oh Old DOORS-Ine moth. -
Mercury.
To the victors belong the privilege
of fighting over the spoils Puck
Contentment is better than money,
and just about as scarce. Texas Sift-
ings.
Money that is boarded is no more
use tlan bread that is buried. Mil
waukee journal.
We oil of us live and learn =; but
some of us i've a great deal more than
we learn. Puck.
The tramp will not descend to slang
when it comes to using "soap" as
synonym of money. Puck.
Father-"Tommy, what's your
mother baking-a cake?" Tommy
Cant tell yet. 1t isn't done. Life.
Most men would be pretty we'll sat
isfied with the world if no one in it
were better off than Themselves
Puck.
There are some mortals who are
never happy save when they have some
hurt feelings to enjoy Galveston
News. g..
Every man should try to live so that
the world will not be made very much
better by his getting out of it.--Gal-
weston News.
If womau's age could be told by
her teeth, like horses, man would
occasionally have chance to edge IA
word in.-Puck.
Lover-'1 assure you, Herr Meyer,
| cannot live without your daughter"
Herr Meyer--"Oh, you overestimate
my income. ''--Fliegende Blaetter.
'Ah!" remarked the great musician
as he walked the floor with his bowling
offspring in his arms, sit is much
easier to compose grand opera than
wakeful baby. "
''Dapper feels terribly uncomtorta-
BILE about his wife's mannish ways"
"Goes in for athletics, eh?" "No,
but she won't learn to build fire. -
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
81 understand you We bought dog
to keep burglars away?" Yes"
''9ou are not troubled any more at
night, then, l supposed" "Only by
the dog. Tit Bits.
Court--"Why should the prisoner
have an interpreter? Can't he speak
English ~ Attorney-"No, your
honor, he's railway trainman. y
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
1t will be noticed that the man who
advertses a sure scheme for getting
rich in hurry always requests you to
lnc.ose lew postage stamps for his
recipe. Washington Post
".sest and change are good for peo-
pie, said the wife as she rose in the
night to rife her husbands pockets.
I've had rest, and now / think I'll
have little change. Buffalo
Courier
White--'T wonder that Gray
should think of marrying that woman.
She is not on speaking terms with her
own mother" Back "Perhaps that
is why Gray marries her. - Boston
Transcript.
Mother--"What have you done to
your little sister," Boy" -"Nothin'.
Then what is she cryin' for?" 81
dunno. Guess she's cryin' because
she can't think OF anything to cry
for - Good News.
Mrs Bewtay eyes. Patrick, that is
my picture; but it fatters me q lit
tie. Patrick-''It would have to
tiatter you good deal, mum, to look
rs well as you do in my eyes, num-"
Boston Transcript.
What's old Swizzles, the million
aire, looking SO pleased about? He
just lost 800 in stocks eyes,
but afterward he managed to get a
free ticket to a seventy show"
Washington Star.
Papa Are you sure that you and
mamma thought of me while you were
tway?" Little Grace-"Yes; we
heard a man just scolding awful about
MS breakfast, and mamma said.
That's just like papa 49, Chicago In
5er-Ocean.
Clerk docs it take you an hour
% go around the corner?" Boy-"A
nan dropped quarter down hole in
he sidewalk. Clerk---"And it took
you all this time TO get it out?" Boy
-"Yes, sir. l had to wait till the
nan went away. Harlem Life.
He-"You are the only woman l
lave ever loved" She-"Do you ex-
,ect me to believe that" He-"I
10. I swear it is true" She-"Then
believe you. Any man who would
xpect a woman to believe that can
lot have been much in the company
# women. - -Harper's Bazaar.