Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-03-11
SWEEToLDMEMORIES
The Idlofs LoYe.Lettsrs and the Tsudaf
ReCoiletions They Recall
WASTED INK AND BllGHTED HOPES.
Tho King Of Richmond Snorers snd De.
scription Of His Work-Ths Funny
Mistakes of stcnographers.

. They fill every nook anu Granny ia u'
household. Some have even slipped into
my tobacco-box, and therein imbibe tne
fragrance OF the weed; some are blue and
some a seashelI-tint OF pink; some are
square and some are long; some are eio-
ouent and some are pathetic. yet all are
more or less ridiculous. They are love-
etters-indestructable and imperishabie
monuments to wasted ink and blighted
hopes. They mutely tell story OF un-
forgotten days, and. parenthetically speak
ing, It might be added that they tell other
stories besides AS open this one "
faint odor OF violets-violets that / paid
from the epistle. while that
one thanks me for the candy with which
I sweetened her young life. The hiue
pink envelope brings the announcement
that I am TO have another sister. whhe
the bIue one assures me that she VIII
ever be a friend to me-she, sweet angel
who for eight happy months ate fried
oysters at my expense and lovingly heiped
me to study the complexion OF synipa-
thetic moon. The hand that wrote tne
pink billetdoux now rocks cradle anu
in that cradle there are twins. whiie the
fingers that fashioned the note or blue
are spanking a beligerent urehin. iost
them both-she Of the pink and she OF
the blue-but as the murmurs OF the tWihs
throb on my Imagination, and az the
howls OF the bellIgerent urchin lash the
sound waves In my mind. 1 softly say,
perhaps tits better 80" And yet my
old-time respect and my admiration Tor
them has not gone, but something else Is
nissing-the something that once clothed
the world in sunshine and caused me to
nolish nv shoes four times day. L
never knew how dead a past could oie
until I reread those old letters, and re-
1ected on the present feelings OF my
former correspondents. God bless them
all and Heaven grant that the twins
NAV grow TO be a combination president
and v.ce-president, and that Deihsereh'
urchin may live to be minister OF the
Gospel.
or course, I've got nothing to say about
the letters / wrote-the bushels OF senti-
,oenta1 p,,sh that used TO flow from my
pen like water from the nozzle OF hose
pipe for they would build still lofter
monument OF folly. An! those dear oid
davs-those days of ink and mendacity.
How often have / sworn by the stars,
the moon. the gas-lamps. and my fathers
beard for ] had none myself that she
was the only one had ever loved, the
only one | ever could love, and the only
one ever thought Of loving. We used TO
have tn prepare these affidavts In the
snare moments we could squeeze In be-
tween the intervals when we hurried on
copy to the omposing-roon, ana so
We had no time to be select about our
stationery. Frequently we hah great
trouble in keeping our private manusc ipt
from drifting into the pages OF our diiiy
routine, and perhaps some OF 1t occasioil-
ally fell under the supervision OF the city
editor, but he always checked its course
towards the printers. And yet-folly
though II may have been-I do not regret
those labors lost. At the time l was sim
cere-as true as steel. Considering that
she was engaged to three when i joyfuliy
called her my own, and considering also
that cher boy was then the joint pos
session Of four innocent angels, We loved
each other as tenderly and dearly as one
can love another-almost as dearly as
one can love ones self. i look over thos>
little perfumed letters and sigh, for they
bring back "the tender grace of day
that is gone"-they tell of fiye-dollar-a-
day affection at Old Point and fifteen-dol-
lars-a-week reYelry at the RockDridSe
Alum.
Perhaps YOU wonder how came TO have
so many of these tender, circus-lemonade
letters in my possession. and some OF you
may even accuse me of elasticity or anec-
ton. but ] am innocent OF the charge.
To tell the truth. l never knew how to
get rid of them. or course. as the re-
spective, prospective Mrs. ldleTs decldef!
that Heaven had not intended me for
them, they would ask the return OF their
letters, but / was always perplexed as
TO the best means OF sending back the
sweet compositions. / didn't dare 10 trust
them to a messenger boy, for these
urchins are Liable TO do almost anything
that Is to say, to do almost anything eN-
cept deliver parcels promptly. l tried the
experiment once or twice. but the young
sters were so slow In reaching their desti-
nations that the epistles didn't arrive
until after the girls were married. and
then the husbands opened the door and
received the parcels. OF course, couldn
cremate the precious documents, and they
were too bulky TO send through the mails
as nrst-class matter. and moreover, after
the girls had gone back on me, l didn
regard them as first-class matter. once
/ resorted to tho trick Of delivering up
the treasured relies through the medium
of the registered-letter system. but that
experience cured me forever. l tried
awfully hard not to look sheepish. but 1
felt that everybody in the post-oiilce,
from the postmaster himself down To
the cat OF the establishment, was "on 10
me and knew that | had gotten the u.
b." When | had secured the requisite
number of stamps | marched to the WIN
dow where the parcels are delivered anu
there / blushingly underwent the inquisi-
ton OF the lady in charge. she took up
the package. eyed it suspicioIsly, and
then commanded me TO put my name
upon il. This 1 did. and just about the
time | was congratulating myself on
having escaped further embarrassment
she asked: What is this bundle worth!
The question foored me Ike an OK
slaughtered by butchers axe, and on
the spur of the moment | said the flrst
thing that popped into my head-"lt ism
worth a d-n." Now any sober reasoning
person who has had any experience WHAT
soever knows that my response. though
horribly emphatic. was pretty neary true.
But | had to apologize. OF course. ana III
apoIogizing | had 10 give the whole tnihs
away. The lady accepted my explanations
with a sympathetic smile. but since then
she has never handled any more register
ed packages of mine. That Is the reason
keep my letters nowadays.
" has been my good fortune on several
occasions 10 travel In Pullman cars win
Mr.. James T. Gray. and l think can
saw. without hesitation. that he SHOWS up
10 finer ADVANTAGE I'm a sleeper IMAM any
man I have ever seen. Were 1 10 write
his epitaph-IIeaV.n grant that 1 may
never have the opportunity would char-
acterize him az "a prince OF good fellows
and the king OF snorers." There Is some
thing absolutely unique about MT. Grays
snore. IL has the baritone OF Tagfia-
Metro combined with the harmony OF a
II IL replete with melody.
and ,indulates with diminuendo5 and
crascendos like the soundwaves OF a
miShty ocean. First IL sobs. then II
shrieks: then oft performs mad mirfh-
full galop. which terminates In grand,
tragic snort, and starts out afresh. The
Wagnerian music Is nothing compared TO
II. II Is superb epic poem. In which
one bears the blasts Of trumpets and feels