The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-07-10

The Major Crates OF the 4th of July for
the Benefit of the Congressional
Candidates in the 4th District.
B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R.-''Good morning, Major. You
are late to day"
B.-"Yes, a little late. I've bin
thinkin, a little bit this mornin'."
R.-"Glad to hear it. If you will
continue to think a bit every day you
will soon learn where you are at. Peo-
pie who never think any are as worth
less as sure ure for hog cholera.
What were you thinking about"
B.-"Well, I wuz in your offs on the
4th of July an heerd sum folks talkin'.
Mr.. Geo. A. Barfield, of Sampson
county, an employee Of the railroad
shops in Raleigh, was talkin'. He sed
he had a wife an IL children, an wuz
a People's'party man. That made me
so blamed mad I couldn't hardly see.
Ny opinion il that a man with a large
family orter vote the dimmykrat ticket
so he would have guide time. I went
home an ,tole Betsy erbout it, but she
wouldn't agree with me. She lowed
that folks whut he'd bin votin' the dim
mykrat ticket hadn't got emmy relief
unless it wuz a few fellers holdin'
offs. She sed we heve had the hardest
times since the 4th ov last March that
she ver saw, an sed that a man with
a large family wuz a fule ter be votin'
fer more hard times, less wurk, less
wages an lower prices fer farm per-
duse."
RI think Mrs. Bilkins is right.
Sensible men always stop and turn
about when they find they are going
wrong. I can't see that you have any
cause to be mad with your wife"
B.-"That il whut I'm mad erbout.
Blamed if she didn't tell the truth 80
strate that it made me mad because
she didn't say sumpthin' ter make me
mad. She put me ter thinkin' an
blamed nigh converted me l reckin
I'll hev ter go ter town an let Kurnel
Johnson convinse me that Betsy is
wrong before I'll be myself ergin."
R-"Ot course you will. 1t wouldn't
do for a man in your party to imbibe
the truth too freely without taking an
antidote. Better write to Senator Ran
som for a dose of his celebrated Sugar
Trust Anti Truth Mixture. 1t is war
ranted to cure. Tell me about your
4th of July grafton in this city"
B.-"IW tell you if you will publish
my speech. You know the Pops were
havin' a convention an Kurnel John
son lowed that we he'd better git whut
wuz left ov our party together an keep
'em away frum the ~convenshun or
they mite desert. So we sent fer Mr..
e. @. Smith, Mid Leach, Charley Cook
an the rest ov the candidates fer Kon
gress ter cum ter the Metropolitan Hall
to hear me OF the Origin, Purposes
and Value of the 4th of July" 1 wuz
purity full of dymakratick campane
fluid an felt purity eliquint. I started
off this way: Ladies and gentlemen
an fellow-dymakrats. (Here DIR.
Blacknall lowed that I could ring off
on the ladies' part for there wernt any
ladies presently I had heard that be
split his ticket, but I didn't want ter
wrangle, so I went n I'VE meet ter.
day ter celebrate a CRATE event. Elk
actly one hundred years ergo Kurnel
Walter Raleigh discovered America
Kurnel Koke wuz the next man ter
interrupt me. He lowed that it wuz
Kurnel Chris Columbus who discov-
cred America. I sorter gave him a
State Bank look az much az ter say
that the folks hedn't got the State
Banks whut he promised them il
Grover got in. He subsidized quicken
lightnin'. I went on with my speech.
I said: Ladies and gentlemen, when
Kurnel Raleigh got here he found 6
howlin' wilderness inhabited mostly by
bears an Injuns. 1t kept on bein' G
howlin' wilderness until erbout 81
years ago when Thomas Jefferson dis
covered the dymakrat party. Their
the wilderness quit howlin' so much
A little later Kurnel John Sherman dis
covered the Republican party. The1
the country quit howlin' an sat dowl
an cried. Az my remarks are entire
ly HISTORICAL they would not be com
plete if I don't mention the tariff. I
wuz discovered first on the Island O
Tarriffa, but escaped an cum ter Amer
lea purity soon after America began t
be a howlin' wilderness. 1t hes kep
our folks howlin' ever since, an if whu
Betsy says erbout the Wilson bill