The Wichita daily eagle., 1894-08-11
QUIT THE ARMY
Re etired British Army Officers Who
Act as Tea Drummers.
sIilitary-LoolEins Callers at High-ToneA
Residences Are Regarded with Sus-
picion-Eusiness and Pleas
ure Combined

are adding to their incomes in way
that has given life q new terror. They
are acting as agents for tea companies.
This isn't reprehensible in itself. but
the way in which they sell the tea is. The
woman of the house-they select al
ways rich and fashionable abode-re-
ceives a card bearing the name Col.
Indoo Jaundess," for instance. She
has never heard Of Col. Jaundess, but
she supposes it is all right and flutters
down to the reception-room to meet
him.
The gallant half-pay officer, with
white mutton-chop whislers and
well-fed, carmine face, is faultlessly
attired, says London exchange. lie
bows killingly as the unwary hostess
enters. Then, after a few preliminary
remarks about the dullness of trade,
he tells her that with money at two
per cent. and Jabez Balfour in Argen-
tina times are somewhat hard. This
she assents to, but looks a little puz-
zled, as if she didn't quite see how this
fact should have led to the honor of
visit from Col. Jaundess.
At this he smiles in superior way,
and, bcaming all over with happiness
at the interesting news he has TO con-
fde, he tells her that this is just the
point and that the low price Of stocks
has led him into little piece of enter
prise on his own account. Then, before
anything else can be done to prevent
him, he produces from hind pocket
half-pound sample of hyson and smil
ingly asks her to buy it and to become
a regular customer.
pompous little major, who was
drumming for tea house in this way,
got into the presence of prim old
maiden lady. who was much embar-
rassed, not knowing how to get rid of
him, and wishing not to offend one of
so much pretension to ''gentility." See
ing her confusion, and installing it for
love at first sight, the major burst out
with declaration. He said that he no.
ticed that she was of shrinking, tiInid
nature and needed a protector, and
how would he do? They could put
their incomes together, he argued, and,
perhaps, be very comfortable.
She noticed also that he needed
protector She rang for the footman,
who was six feet three.
1t is not surprising, therefore, that at
West-end mansions particular atten-
ton is paid to military visitors by the
servants. They say that when Gen.
Roberts called upon lady once the
butler said to her: 81 asked him If he
was selling tea, mum, SO as to make
sure"
At an ''at home" a young man was
ushered in as Mr.. Teenum." The
hostess was civil to him, thinking she
had met him somewhere, and intro
duced him to everybody! he showed
no inclination to go, and, in fact, out
sat all comers. They were alone.
Il know you'll forgive me" she said,
sweetly, but I've actually forgotten,
Mr.. Teenum, where I had the pleasure
of meeting you"
'Oh! You never met me before" re-
piled the youth, coolly. "The fact is,
/ am selling tea OF new brand, which
I'm sure you'll like. l came on your
at home day SO as to be sure of finding
you in
81 didn't expect to have to wait so
long to get you by yourself" he con-
tinued, but now we are together, and
all those dreadful people have gone-I
thought some of them would never
lcave-we can talk business.
I've been sampling your tea" he
proceeded I'm fact, l have had at
least dozen cups, and think we can
beat il hollow at tuppence a pound
cheaper. You see, our firm, being in
the, etc"
But soldiers aren't the only ones in
England who go in for tea. Artists
have taken up the subject. 1t is sim
ply trying to see at the academy tins
yeer how many painters have set their
caps at tea merchants by painting such
subjects as Pouring Out Another Cup
and The Old Tea Caddy That Grand
mother Used to Own" or Teapot
Talk" These works Of art-or some of
them-are painted III the nope that
some firm that advertises Will buy
them for the chrome market. Ever
since a soaphouse purchased painting
by Millais at a large price artists have
worked with an eye to this particular
chance. Such titles as 'Soapsuds in
June" and Psyche at the Washtub"
permeate the catalogue. Overtures
have even been made TO cauned-beef
r,cn and Nubbins' hair restOrer. II
.b;S len - 2 RI what * 1t thauo