Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-02-04

PuryearS Jokes Wnlcn nAh ut'h tdii'
lated from an antedeluyian ohelisk-and
gradually my soft cachinnations hoated
over the sull waters Suffice It 70 say
in regard To Venetian photographs that
the tintype was fully as good "A representa-
ton OF my worthy self as is the white
washed gem" Of the Aforesaid Dose'
palace
-1- T7r from the beautiful building
that .s to say not over -oo yards from 1t
Is m. Bridge OF Signs. 50 celebrated In
poetry and romance. but severely dcsiB-
mated b. Ruakin as "A pathetio sWindir.
You know this Is the bridge from Which
80 many people committed suicide. Ihcy
say il leads into prison. and mat a5
tho unforturatcs were being conducted
across II they had cute uttlc way OF
tossing themselves into the canal below
thereby escaping Incarceration AMI be-
coming the recipients of nice wooden
ulstcrs. This IS one explanation Of th"9"
suicides but | think most Of IN" people
who Killed themselves must have had
some vague. intuitive idea that that artist
was going 10 Whitewash the aboNo-men-
toned picture of the Doge's palace. ~
any rate the "bridge' WAS regular
snap for the Coroner Of Venice, and In
oIdan times he used tn sit on tho quay.
swinging hls official heels over the water
and softly hum I'm the sonorous Italian
the following pathetic ditty:
One more unfortunate. weary ~ br'a,h,
Rashly imp0rtunate. gone % her dedth.
one more unfortunate. sunk in Tho r. X.
Five more bright shekelj-' pretty Ieu-ei
sleek
This little description. humble anl un-
pretentiOus though II may be-. VIII tit'
you some idea of the scene portrayed by
the picture one word more about tha
Academy curtain and my complimentary
illusions To this work ~ art are done
The sirn-paintar who conceived the ti'i
Of putting the advertisements beneath
the scene has undertaken 20 revolutioniZ.
the modern system Of orthogrdphy by
su.iing the word "delcacies" ia u man
ner which would rut d tramp printer
to the blush. I'm fact he has not only
undertaken To rcvolutlonizc modern spell
lns. but he has done ii.
It has never been definitely settled In
the minds Of the Richmond public whether
the picture az the Theatre represents d
scene from the Swiss Alrs. or an every
day sketch Of Barton Heights. The co.
Biography Of the country indicates tn
former. but the architecture rather plead.
I'm favor Of the litter. ~ any rate tn
managers Of the play house have uiaRntnl
mously consented To permit our people f.
take their choice. and ther imagination OF
good. IaW-abiding citizens Wiil boz allowed
full scope In the matter. iou can cith.r de-
coy Yourself into the belief that you m" in
haling thu frosty breezes FROM the snow
r..tfr. MI f|fHI
Kuhn. or that you are looking down
upon the crystal meandorlngs ~ Shocko'
creek. whatever conclusion you com" O.
YOU can rcs' assured that irs not golna
T. cost you anything Furthermore. th.
pioneer in the revolution ~ modern spell
ing viii give you fun Information as a.
where you can take your girl 10 get
oysters after the play-whcrr you ear
buy your wife nice pair of shoes. and
where you can get corner l1t tn1t has
a certified LQttom To b.
Bat one thing is lacking To make th'
effect OF thOs- curtains complete. AZ a
prologue - the various pieces, me Ora
matis personae should come ont and CON
plete the advertising act Lady Mac
b.th should announce that she got hei
gowns from Werth. and Hamlet should
proclaim the face that he used So-and-So'
gart,rs 20 keep his stockings up.
IL might be appropriate, too. flr Camille
10 state what sort OF cough-syrup sh0
used. ana for Virslnius 10 recommend
the butchers knife hc used In Staying
Virginia.
The average EnglishmaD who has never
travelled extensively. has the most fam
tastic IDEAS of America and the barbar-
GUS customs that exist In this enlightened
land tie pictures to himself tho vast
herds OF buffalo that roam The banks or
the Potomac. and hears the yell OF the
aborig.nes resOunding through the streets
Of cultured Boston Nay. more. be even
sees Central Park "a "A wilderness where
the eli, and grizzly bear roam unmOlestei
and unterriicd save by the occasional
fight Of timld chipmunk.
Charles Dickens, AFTER an extended tour
througt/the Union. made some queer mis-
takes. about US. and other authors Of less
ability have fallen into similar errors.
But wish 10 tell little incident which
shows as we'll as anything I know the
"BritisheTs" ignorance OF this greatest OF
nations. Colonel Barnum, an officer OF the
United States army. was travelling on
John Bulls island. and the innocent ma
questioned him about Buffalo Bilr' (COl-
onel William +. Cody) and the habits
OF this great marksman and fakir Cody
and his show had been running I'm Lon
don for some time, and that Is how the
Englishmen knew about him. After the
American officer had answered all the
questions about buffalo Bilf the
islanders next interrogatci him about
another long haired American celebrity
"Wild Bill"
q. yes. Colonel Barnum knew him well;
had shot Indians with him. and sucked
cider through the same straw with the
celebrity. Wild Bill was the genuine
article-all wool and a yard wide.
When the Englishmen had thus been
satisfied about these two prominent
Americans they said Now. Colonel tell
US something about another OF your coun-
trymen-who Is this fellow Mckinley
BMg
This question was too much for the
astute Colonel II noored him for some
seconds. bur II Is said that whtn h. re-
covered himself, he had sufficient Demo-
cracy 10 reply that Mckinley Blif' was
one OF the toughest fellows he had ever
met.
This is a fair sample Of the average
Englishman's knowledge of affairs In our
Union. on one occasion ! was asked by
one OF the "blars,edf' fellows II Henry
Clay wasn't one OF the greatest tobacco
manufacturers we bad 10 our country
For the ufe. OF me couldn't think Why
ths great statesman from Virginia and
Kentucky should have been associated
with the weed" but finally II occurred
10 nae that there is brand OF cigars
which bears hs name, That was The way
the mistake occurred. Fortunately the
cigars are good. and 30 Henry's reputation
did not suffer Dy the mistake.
Prize-fights alias "glove-contests are
an Outrage on civilization. 70 the news