The Press., 1894-04-26
ALMOST DIVORCED.

ALMOST DlVOKCED.
 One would not guess they had ever a difference in their lives, just to see MT. and Mrs. Puffer jogging along comforta- bly together in the same straight-backed green wagon, drawn by the same pump kin-and-milk horse which took them home on the first day of their honey moon; or, If not the very samo horse, one precisely like it. Neither would one think it to see them of Sunday-he in his sky-blue swallow-tailed coat, and she in her invisf- ble green sponge silk and very-visible green satin bonnet, sailing off like tug boat towing full-rigged schooner, he be- ing exceeding spare, and she being ex- ceeding portly.
 And yet they once came as near dis solving into twain again as one flesh ever did No one knows of it, however, ex- cepting Counselor Sabin and and now, if tell it to you, you are by no means to repeat the story.
 Long and long before Mrs. Puffer was a fluffy old woman in caps and spectacles, when she was instead plump, apple faced girl, with eyes the color of whortle- berries and skin the color of milk, she had a way very taking to the youths of her acquaintance-a way of which, l dis cover, she and her coevals by no means secured the monopoly; for truly as write see, under the elm-tree by my window, a maiden, in line of descent full two gen. erations later, standing idly enough swing ing her parasol lightly to and fro, and smiling up from under the green ribbons of her jocky as innocent and artless as a damask rose; and know, as sure as sure can be, that every careless wave and mo- tion is to that boy beside her-a being with hair parted behind, shining with oil and with no beard worth naming-as the twisting of spiders web around tender hearted fly.
 But l do not pity his weakness in let ting bit of blue-eyed calico sway him back and forth as lightly as she does her spotted-handled parasol, because I know they are only playing at game of see-saw, and years hence Master will be up and Miss will be down. Then it will be my lady's turn to fetch and carry, while she believes a tender word and a smile make amends for every thing.
 "Punctured by pins and tortured by fears," yet I rejoice in his bangs and doubts, for the time is brief enough. I'll warrant me that he plays the mouse and she the cat in their story. So also I am glad in my heart for every prick and tor ment the whortleberries and milk wrought upon young Puffer's callow heart while he was away back in spencers and soap. locks; because am positive it was along of his mans despotism and love of sell that 1 have this story to tell.
 There came time of course when, hay. ing carded and spun and wove and made her twelve dozen of every thing after the manner of the olden time princesses, this plump, whitehead girl, dressed in mus lin, heavily embroidered by her own crafty fingers, and farther decorated by wreath of apple-buds and wild myrtle upon hel hair-which was of itself like a whole bush of whortleberries-in the presence l of admiring witnesses, was made Mistress Puffer by dignified, venerable clergy man, who lived in the time when minis | ters were not mere men. Thus her mar. | riage had the grace and good omen of be. ing a ceremony in which solemnity anG | sanctity impressively mingled. And Mrs Grundy, who by no means confines her self to camp and court, affirmed there haC never been wedding in Northumberland which promised better; though the wretch took care to add, with a hypocritical sigh that good beginnings make sometimes sorriest endings. The wretch was nght too, as she most frequently is in measure for of truth the heaviest tempests some times come conveyed by remarkably | bright mornings. .. The mother of mischief is no bigger than midge's wing; and let me, who an an old bird, tell you, young aspirants af ter the holy sacrament of matrimony! { little secret worth a dozen dozen of lov. powders and magic potions. Never fol ! any consideration, as you value your do nestle bliss, intimate by word, look, ol gesture, that the lord of you-modes man-is, may, can, must, or will be il the wrong upon any possible occasion Believe heartily in the perfection of hil attributes if you are able to; such an an initiation of your judgment and common sense will make you more comfortable doubtless, although it is not totally es sential. Tbe appearance, however, if no the reality, most certainly is; therefore in either event, die and give no sign. Un fortunately for Mistress Pufier, but fortu nately for the story, she lived too long age to have the benefit of my large expert enee and ready benevolence, and so of heI | own knowledge she must find,
 "Alas, how easily things go wrong" Springs and summers and autumns anG winters had followed one another in mo notonous level, each bearing it's burden ot cares and labors: house-cleaning anG planting, butter and hay making, harvest ing and fruit-drying, sledding and sewing