The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1894-06-02

River Press: This is truly an age
of discoveries, but the greatest of all
discoveries are those made by Grover
Cleveland, who, of all the great
presidents of the United States. can
truly claim to be the greatest of the
lot--as a fisherman and UNIQUE dis
coverer.
Cleveland made the discovery
that the worst of republicans are
better than the best of democrats,
and this wonderful idea that flashed
across his mind was examplifed by
appointing Gresham as secretary of
state. When one looks at the man
ner in which Grover and his pet have
mascul'ned everything they have
tackled, one is inclined to wonder
how in the name of Providence a
democrat could be worse than that.
But Grover assures us that the best
OF democrats were unfit to fill the
secretaryship of state, and there all
argument to the contrary collapse.
Then Grover made the discovery
that a mail train was "a unit. The
dlscoverer was indisposed at the time,
and had to ask a little help from
Olney on the score. But the dis
covery was made right on time, that
a mail train was a unit, and that no
matter how much was attached to
the mail car, whether it was passen-
ger coaches, cattle cars, or wheel
barrows, only tended to unity that
unit and make it all the more a unit.
Also that any mar who pulled a
coupling pin and allowed the engine
and mail car to 90 on alone, was OBJ
structing and interfering, and delay
ing, and retarding the speed of said
mails, and was guilty of high crimes
and misdemeanor, and responsible
for the rise in potatoes at Chinook.
Then the great discoverer blew a
Whit of the surplus gas off his intern
al economy, and braced himself for
another discovery. And it came.
This time the fisherman-president.
while digging bait and splitting in
the bait box for luck, has a ~revela-
ton which complete eclipses that of
Saul of Tarsus-he discovers that
free tea, free coffee and free sugar
are a menace to our government,
and can no longer be tolerated. The
discovery is tough on the people; it
will force them to change their way
of thinking. But Grover says it is
so and of course it must go.
The cause of this last discovery
was the visit Of a delegation from
Louisiana sugar planters to Grover.
The delegation was headed by State
Senator Avery and were all Louisi-
ana men. The discoverer cordially
them at the white house,
declared that he was in favor of pro-
to sugar-especially Louisi-
ana sugar. Grover said: 81 am
friendly to sugar. l think it should
receive just and proper protectlon.'
Think of a president declaring for
protection when he was elected on a
platform which declared protection
unconstitutional! Oh, sugar.
Then Fisherman Grover related
his story in these words: II do not
believe in what is designated as a
free breakfast table, and am in
opposition to any such pro-
iect. | have discovered that the
free breakfast table, is strongly
'avoring of socialism, and for that
'eason should be condemned"
There the laborer has Growers
of him. His labor and
wages are to be placed on a par with
hat of Europe, while his tea, coffee
md sugar-his "breakfast table,
should be taxed as a preventive of
socialism. Who but Grover, the dis
'overer, would ever have located
hat jewel of thought.
And the next day Grover and
Gresham went ~a-ishing.
Butte Miner: One more victim
# christian Scienco lunaoy iS ro,or+ .