Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1894-07-04
HIS H02i! BLIGHTED.
LOVE AND FIREWORKS ON THE
FOURTH OF JULY.

How q Lighted Cigarette Brought Disaster
on a Victim CT the Tender Passion-Fair,
but False, Alas! Was the Object of His
Devot;on-A Tale of Misfortune
My cousin Amy lives at Bryn Mawr
and is beauty. 4 few days ago !
adored her, but now l know her to be the
falsest of her tickle gender can only
lie here in bed and groan and VOW venge-
ance upon the head of my successful
rival.
Sunday before the Fourth ! went to
Bryn Mawr, and when | came away
Amy said, oh, so swcetly, ''Now do be
sure and come out Tuesday and bring
some fireworks. -
l have always hated fireworks and
firmly believe that if Dante had flour
ished in the days and ways of this our
noble empire he would have devoted
one more corner of his Inferno" to
damned souls doomed to shoot gigantic
firecracl1ers forever in each others black
ened faces. But it was Amy's request
so l spent more money than was healthy
and sent to Bryn Mawr two large cases,
full of assorted fireworks, which were
placed for safety's sake in a little sum-
mer pavilion until | should arrive and
unpack them.
Amy wasn't in when l arrived on the
evening Of the Fourth, so l took hatch
ct and went to the summer house, lit
ri ta oyd to n,,o,, tIo
cases. Most of the stuff was streWn
around me when heard voices outside.
l couldn't SEQ their owners, for the sum-
mer house is completely screened by lat
tice work and climbing vines, but rec
ognized them as those of Amy and Jack
Armstrong 1 never did like that fellow
He has trick of slapping you on the
back if you say anything good that
makes you quake all over and this, 1
say with diffidence, happened only too
frequently i'll my case, and then he has
deep growl Of a voice that browns
yours out in conversation. 1t was he
speaking.
$50 we're going to have fireworks by
the funny little cousin. By heavens,
he meant meD | suppose after each
rocket and roman candle he'll explode,
too-not go Off, worse luck-with one
of those confounded pedantic remarks
of his. He's the most pompous little pop
gun I ever saw.
''Did you ever notice his walk?" he
continued. ''It's like this - Icouldn't
see what he did, but Amy went ''Tee-
hee-hee! Jack, you have no right to
talk of my relatives that way, at least
until we are married Then there was
a sound like the ''cheep'' of bird sew
eral times repeated. The miscreant was
kissing her!
What | heard made my half smoked
cigarette fall from my dropping lips
among the fireworks as I stood palsied,
nerveless at the awful fact that Amy,
my Amy, lovely, perfdious, tickle,
heartless, cruel Amy, was to wed man
who called me ''pompous little pop
gunH' l determined to destroy this crea-
ture who crossed me, to poison his life,
pulverize his prospects-to blast him.
just then there was q hiss at my feet,
followed by a pop, then a sound as of
an angered anaconda and a whole vol
ley Of pops, ending with a bang that
half stunned me and filed the place
with smoke
Bewildered instead Of making my
escape through the door I sprang up
one Of the side screens, which had
semicircular opening at the top, just
under the caves: and seated myself on
the rail at the bottom, preparatory to
swinging my legs over ard dropping
safely outside.
But instead, when I raised upon my
hands to lift myself over, somehow
for l am not an athlete Slipped, and
instead of falling to the ground an un-
used hammock hook caught III my rear
ward clothing, somewhere i'll the region
of my waistband, and held me securely
suspended, struggle as did to free my
self. l had no purchase for my feet and
no hold for my hands. I felt for my
penllnife to cut loose with, but that lay
among the bursting fireworks where l
had been opening packages. Then l
struggled and called for help and raved
and waved my hands and legs like a
spider Oh a pin, while cross section of
Gehenna was exhibited for my exclu-
sive benefit Twas brought up Metho-
dist shall be more firmly one in the
future. After the possibilities displayed
by those finite, human fireworks, what
is not possible i'll infinite, superhuman
pyrotechny?
The little crackers commenced it
pop -ter-rop! Then came some of larg-
er caliber-bang- -ter-rangi Then the
giant cannon crackers became inspired
boom! boom Dazed by detona-
tions-paralyzed by fright, hung help
less while the infection spread to en-
thusiastic roman candles, rockets, cath
crime wheels, triangles, bombs and foun-
tains that hissed, whizzed and burst in
all the tints of Iris. I witnessed the
birth of fiery worlds from star dust, saw
consultations wrought of plastic nebula
at a white heat, saw suns and moons
play tag and football, comets and me-
teors run races and collide with furious
sizzles, saw solar systems staggering to
the discOrd of the spheres while the
stars shrieked together, and finally saw
all the glittering heads of the starry
universe laid together in grand cata-.
clysmic conspiracy to all come at me at
once in universal smashup Then the
roof of creation fell in with a mighty
crash, and of course that was the end
of me.
l was sure Of it when I awoke to find
1 was a mummy of the time of Rameses
I, swathed in bandages and smelling
villainously of iodoform. HE opened
his eyes," said some one, and I dimly
saw Amy's brother Will bending over
me. Then all the bitterness of life came
back again in one big food-Amy's
falseness, my torn and bleeding heart
and the ridicule of my rival Take me
home" Isaid-Philadelphi Times.
Money Spent For Fireworks.
1t is astonishing how much money in
the shape of fireworks one can send up
into the air i'll q very little time. An au
thority on the subject calculated yester
day that 81, 500, 600 worth of fireworks
alone We're imported into the United
States each year. Three-quarters of them
are used on the Fourth of July and
thereabouts; the other quarter pop and
bang and raise the mischief i'll the
sOuthern states durinp the Christmas