The morning call., 1894-09-28
VOTED DEAD MEN.
Mr.. WObble's First Trick
at the Polls.
A SEARCH FOR ANCIENTS
Among the Various Districts of
the City.
HE MADE A VERY FATAL ERROR
That Resulted Disastrously to Him
self and Ended His Career
as Politician.
HE MADE A VERY FATAL ERROR

''If were a landsman I'd be a Nom
Partisan" said Mr.. William Wobbles. as
be leaned against the bar and carefully
blew the foam off two-stOry steam beer.
I've just been through a primary with a
fellow who runs clearinghouse up on
the coast, and l am thinking that l prefer
to be shanghaied rather than turn politi-
clan again.
Pm not very we'll up on political oues-
lions, but Pm a believer in things that are
pure. so when Stiff-lipped Kelly braced me
to take hand to help out in the Thirty
third last Saturday, l ses, OF course
will
did you ever vote tombstone? Well,
l did. voted fourteen tOmbstones, then
some fellow from the Potrero swiped me
over the head with piece of sidewalk or
deck planking and 1 ceased to be of any
further use to myself or my party.
''Ses Kelly to me, Here's ballot and
here's a ticket. just go up TO the box and
say you're HOratio Sebastian Smith, aged
81. residence Park alley. Horatio died
twenty years ago, but hats all right.
Keep stiff upper lip and don't let them
cat your anchor
"Well, v,ted as Horatio, and as sew
NJ ak Pepper popped into prominence and
b oss Burns Doomed his own little bOomlet.
But ses to Kelly, you're not giving
these ghosts show.
son, blazes.' SEE he. whats the diff;
Come here, I'll give you few more names.
Here's Professor Newton and William
SHAKESPEARE and George Washington
"'Hold on l cried, giving my friend
slight punch, mold on. I've heard of these
fellows afOTe. Didn't this fellow Shake
spere discover America? And didh't
George do politics when King James was
running for second term?
'Newton-well, | don't know Newton,
but l understand he lived some times be-
tore gunpowder was discovered aad used
to watch apples fall from aloft 10 the main
deck. On, no. seq |, 1 can't vote them
names'"
lyon infarnal idiot. don't you know we
stand with the police? Why the boss is
Commissioner, and it wouldn't make any
d fer nee if you voted for ST. Paul or one
Of the FarOs.'
4 don't mind voting for one of the
Faros for | believe in licensing gambling
ses /, but I've got to take a reef in those
prominent citizens who have been lowed
into history and dropped anchor.'
Would you believe it, 1 went right
straight and voted as Kelly told me.
"Ses the inspector TO me: Hello, Billy.
where've yon been all the time l thought
lgnatius Donnelly had cooked your Bacon
''Ses 1, I've been playing Romeo to
Juliet Burns, and / don't propose to have
any interference from any second-rate
boss worship-rs.
'tSes he, All right; just steer alongside
that box and discharge cargo. No one will
ask you II you're properly cleared
''Well, L voted the tOmbstoneS of Bill
Shakespeare, George Washington. Tom
Moore. John Brown and jeff Davis, and
was going to commence dragging for the
remains of Balboa and Christopher Colum
shoulder and said: why, friend. Chris
was a Non-Partisan. He played the king
to win, coppered the queen and old Isabelle.
on behalf of the people, and as disinter-
ested party, politically speaking. soaked
all her diamonds 20 fit out craft for Chris.
Chris went cruising around in an unofficial
sort Of way, and discovered new country.
New countries and new parties don't 90
here. Skip
Il skipped and went into the Forty-frst
with Kelly. Kelly knows every man,
woman, child and cop in the Forty-frst, so
1 put Chris through there without so much
as protest or a request for clearance
papers.
'Then we went into the Forty-fourth.
Here's where the BOYS believe in ancients
more than any district in town.
Kelly asked, who'll we vote here?
l amt got any one left on nv list but VIII
liam the Conqueror and Alexander the
Great. Do you think they'd stand them p
"'COurse they WILL says Kelly. just
try 'em. Why, one lection l voted King
Solomon and one of the caliphs, and not q
man even wiuked his eye
civilian and Alex went into the box.
and then [ got gay and tried to pass In
Grover Cleyeland's name.
Whats that you say p asked the man
at the polls.
Cleveland ses I; Grover Cleveland.
aged between 40 and 60; weight 500
pounds; died two years ago
"'Thatn do ses the inspector. 'You
blooming salt beef jerker, don't you know
Grover amt dead?
eyes, he is seS L. He's dead, politi-
caly.'
"'That amt the question: ses he. "A
man thatu have the unlimited nerve to
come up here and mention Cleveland in
the same breath with pure politics ought
to get slugged.'
And | did get slugged. A big fellow
bore down on me, cock billed one Of his
yards and brought it down on the top of
my head with crash.
Eyes. partners and shipmates, Pm done
with pure politics. Let's have another
drink"