The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1894-08-02


has not the sense to first secure an Often
sive and defensive alliance with her
little brother.-B0St0n Transcript.
Atmospherical knowledge is not thor
oughly distributed in our schools. A
boy being asked. What is mist?' vague
ly responded: AN umbrella. "-IeraS
Sytmgs.
Snubley-Wish to gawd l had slice
of corned beef, Cubley-What on earth
faw? Snubley TO accompany this
cigar you gave me, dear boy.-T0aon
Topics.
Little Dot-Oh, I'd give anything if 1
was old enough to have a husband.
Mercy, child. Why? Little
DOt-Im so tired of being petted.-
GOOD NeCS.
There is a young man in Troy so
careful that-in calling on his girl he al
ways knocks, for fear if he come with 4
ring she might consider it a proposal
Harlem LIE.
Johnny-Mamma. my toes are not as
hard Is leather, are they? Mamma-No,
Johnny. Johnny-Then. mamma, how
do they wear themselves through my
shoes ?-Puck.
Husband Suppose the Legislature
did give you the ballot, what would you
do with it? Wife-Make Il dress pat
tern out of it. unless the size be changed.
-CieCeia1d PiajHdeuier.
There IS a father in Philadelphia who
is mean enough to call his daughter
Misery, because she loves company.
Who wouldn't love company in Phila-
delphia?-Icras Sytmgs.
Mr.. SoftIeigh (waking in the middle
of the night My dear am sure there
is a man in the house. Mrs. Softleigh-
Go to sleep again, Algy; you are flat
tering yourself Torn Topics.
There is at least one place" said the
statesman, who looked very weary,
where men of all parties must stand
together" where is that?" in u
crowded horse car. "-IuduStrieS.
Rose Budd Mamma, will an outre
bathing suit be in good form this sea-
son? Mrs. Budd-That will depend up
on whether there is a good form in the
outre bathing suit.-Iow1 Topics.
DE great trouble bout conversation, !"
remarked Uncle Eben, "am dat hits on
possible ter show ez much originality in
talkin' bout de Weddah as yOh Kin talk
in bout yoh neighbors = Washington
star.
You don't mean to say the cashier
has gomez" Yes, replied the bank Of
fetal. Dear met He had such pleas
ING appearance" Yes. And such a
displeasing disappearance."- - oSbiag-
ton Star.
Guest-Waiter, bring me some rice
pudding. Waiter-Boss, | can't Just
| recommend de rice pudding today.
| Guest-What's the matter with it?
Waiter-Nuitin' 'cept dar amt none
Teras SJti'ys.
There is one thing about my first
husband that | shall always respect him
for, " she said with a culver in her voice.
"What is that?' He paid all the eX-
penses Of our divorce like 4 perfect gem
tIeman. Life.
Stern Parent-You marry my daugh-
ter, sir! Why, she would starve!
Suitor-Well, sir, if you are the kind of
a man to let your daughter and her
husband starye | don't wish to enter the
family. II0nder.
She-I can't marry you, but | want
you to be a dear friend always, won't
you? Helm afraid | can't. You
see, the lady who will marry me will
very likely object to that sort of thing.
Detroit Free Press
Little Johnny Sammy Simms called
me a liar today. Mother hope you
were able to convince him that YOU were
a lover of truth. Little Johnny-Guess
did | didn't let up till he hoIlered
| .EnOugh,--G NurS.
Minnie-Here Is a cOnundrum for YOU:
What is the difference between YOU
and crushed sugar? Mamie didn t
suppose there was any. Minne-Oh.
yes, there is. One is mashed to pow
der and the other is powdered to mash
-Ipdj011apoLs JournaL
Dacer-Jack. those doCskin trousers
bag at the knees That's a poor com
pliment to the bride. Jack Ga Chicago
groomsman)-Gad, man! Do you think
| can afford a new pair of trousers ey-
erytime I'm married? I'm no million
aire.-N l. Torn Topics
Taper-I should like two weeks alb
sence TO attend the wedding of a very
dear friend. Mr.. Bingham must be
very dear friend, to make you want
that much time. Who is it? Taper
Well, sir, after the the ceremony she
will be my WIFE Vogue.
Mr.. Slimpurse-But why do YOU in
sist that our daughter should marry
man whom she does not like? You
married for love, didn't you? Mrs.
Slimpurse-Yes: but that is no reason
why | should let our daughter make the
same blunder.-N I. Weekly
Mary Jane, said the rector solemn
ly, the steak is cooked 20 a crisp and the
potatoes are raw. You have left UNI
done the things that ought to be done,
and cooked too done the things that
ought not to be done, and there is no
health in acknowledgements Journal
Miss Richgirl (of Chicago)-And so
you kissed the blarney stone at the CO.
lumbar exposition? Ha, ha. 1t was
nothing but a Chicago paving stone.
Mr.. Smartchap- | heard at the time.
but | thought perhaps you might have
walked on it. Then she married him.
N. T. Weekly.
A man was being tried for hog steal
ing in southwest Georgia justice court.
He had an accomplice in the theft. to
whom the Judge said: You knew this
fellow stole that hog?" Il did Your
honor" And yet YOU Helped him to
eat it?' 4 did, your honor; hul he was
a Sickly man, an if he'd ha eat that
whole hog he ha' died certain.--4Hanta
Constitution.
Ali Babi rubbed his eyes. The spec
tacle dazzled him. Aha" he suddenly
exclaimed; as an idea struck him. SeiI-
ing Il two-bushel sack he hurriedly filled
it with diamonds and other precious
stones from pile near The entrance of
the cave. If l can sell these things
for anywhere near what they are
worth. F" he muttered, I'll try light
housekeeping in a fiat again, just for
lupl- - Jp,r93 Va3fce