The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-05-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A repeating rifle - Plagiarism. =
Truth.
The rule of the minority-That Of
the first baby.
"One-half the world doesn't know
how the other half lives" Neither
does the other half.-Life.
He-"Here comes Mrs. Gadabout.
That woman goes everywhere" She
-"Yes, except home. "-Harper's Ba-
zar.
Vs-"Why is the leader of the choir
like pine tree" PP-"Give it up"
Va-'Both give the pitch. The
Hullabaloo.
Man shows his teeth and growls;
but woman shows her teeth and smiles;
with far better chance of attaining her
object. Puck.
Few people can stand prosperity;
but they are legion compared with the
people who never have chance to
stand it. Puck.
Nervous Wife--'1 hear a burglar" "
Nervous Husband-"Wool I'll crawl
under the bed and see if he is there"
New York Weekly.
"Er--has young Hill come into his
money yet?" "Come into it? Great
Scott, man He's gone clear through
it."--Buffalo Courier.
There is nothing like certainty;
and yet most people prefer the i'm.
certain prospect of starvation to the
certain prospect of death. Puck.
The whole system of right and
wrong hinges on the question whether
a disagreeable thing disagrees with
us, or we disagree with the disagree
able thing. Puck.
Teacher-''Now, remember, that in
order to become a proficient vocalist
you must have patience. Miss Flip
kins-"Yes; and so must the neigh
bors. Washington Star.
''You say you have been in Kansas
City. L suppose the place was built
almost wholly on bluffs. 81 guess It
was. There seemed to be little money
around. Buffalo Courier
Mr.. Gusher IA self-satisfed bore)
Ct can tell just what people are
thinking of me-" Miss Pert-"In-
deed How very unpleasant it must
be for you. Brooklyn Life.
An Irish lawyer said to witness:
"You're nice fellow, amt you?"
Witness replied: 81 am, sir, and if L
was no. on my oath I'd say the same
of you. Oakland Enquirer.
at pains me very much to spank
you. Johnny" said his mother with
deep feeling, 'and l shall have to turn
you over to your father. His hands
are harder. Chicago Tribune.
Elder Sister-"I'm writing to Amy
is there anything you'd like to say TO
her" Younger Sister (who hates
Amy)-'Yes, plenty but you'd better
only give her my love. "--Tit-Bits.
Employer -'Boy, take this letter,
and wait for an answer" New Boy
'Yes, sir" Employer-"W "Well, what
are you waiting for?" New Boy
''The answer, sir. "-Harper's Bazaar.
"Grandpa," said Tommy, examin.
ing critically the bald head of his an
cestor, ''may | ask You question:"
Certainly, Tommy" "'Do you comb
your hair with razor ?"-Texas Sift.
ings.
That's what L call hush money"
remarked the daddy when he planked
| down the cash for bottle of paregoric
to take home for use among the in.
fantile portion of the family. Brook.
lyn Life.
81 am collecting bills for Sugar,
! Spice AZ Co" COLLECTING bills, are
you? Very well; have two or three
of their bills which you are welcome
to add to your collection. New York
Weekly.
Mamma-"Why has Lucy gone
home SO early? l thought she was to
stay all day?' Mary (conidentially)-
"Well, mamma, just found she wasn't
friend | could quarrel with. kate
Fields Washington,
Clergyman Visiting PRISON. $50
you were arrested for passing bad
money, my mani" Convict mot
exactly, sir ! You see, If the money
had passed, ] wouldn't have been ar
rested. Philadelphia Record
At the Great Chess Match: DIR.
Schweitzer playing chess is like
making love the knight tries to take
the queen; you are mated by the
bishop; then Of 10 the castle in the
air and, alas everything is in pawn !"
Halo.
Freddy why won't you fight mo
il you amt afraid to?" Willy tnov-
ing on Il amt afraid, only amt
going - have all the boys in tue
block sayin' fought feller just be-
cause l knew l could lick him Chi
eago Record.
"What makes you look SO uncom-
iortable?' said one young writer to
another. "Pm thinking about what
shall putt in my next article. "rhinx-
ing I" Eyes. "Good gracious, mani
lou mustn't do that You'll spoil
! your style, Washington Star.