Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1894-07-13
CRANKY INVENTORS.
Some Of tho Queer Productions
Sent to the Patent Office.
Visionary Geniuses Who Imagine Their
Complicated Devices Are Going to
Become the Wonder of the
Civilized World.

There are uuocr p,orl.. in This world.
Among the quecrest are some Of the
inventors who flood th, patent office
with their severely queer designs.
.Ycs." said an official recently. 1--WE
see multitu,lcs Of 'cranks' at this build
ing. and our chief amusement is To
read the specifications Of ambitious
hut erratic inventors. who clamor for
a grant Of patent. There i, thu, air
ship crank, with a quiet notion in his
head that he i, t. i,,. some dav a pub
lie bcne factor, but wh" really knows
as much about acr,,>tation as Jack
rabbit. Next To- him in odditic, Of
thought is the ',r,.-rscapc dreamer.
with hi, ladders. pulley. and cables"
Upon Investigation ia the record
room discovered drawings Of the lat
est patents piled on u low shelf. Upon
perusal the first device Of peculiar
nature was discovered. The invention
in question was an improved method
DISCRIMINATING mosquitoes for which
Texan was given letters patent. The
winged messengers of bliss probably
made themselves obnoxious to the
patentee and he determined to ami
hilate the whole species. His inven-
ton is queer and complicated inter
mixture of screens. gauzc and " hiring
mechanism, into which the little buzz
ing songsters are drawn and effectual-
ly annihilated.
Another inventive genius from the
west solicited n patent for fruit
picker. This instrument is 4 very
understanding affair, resembling
! somewhat one-half Of 4 pair of shears.
A small ring fits over the forefingcr of
the operator, and brings at right angles
a cutting edge or blade. The fruit to
be cut is held in the left hand, and by
grasping the stem in n certain manner
with the right hand and giving a quick
twist either the aforesaid fruit or the
thumb will be severed. The. inventor
in this case seemed to overlook the
fact that the greatest varieties of
American fruits do not grow on bushes
or within reach of the hand. and last,
but not least. the welfare of the per-
son handling his useful little implc-
me mt has to be respected.
A little way down in the file is Pc
/ culiar looking machine. patented by a
Michigander and used by said gentle
man in lifting pans from stoves. The
apparatus embodies such complicated
mass of levers, screws and other similar
devices of mechanism that it is safe to
say his panther will never find popular
favor in the American kitchen.
For the past six months car-coup-
ling epidemic has spread itself and
! permeated every state in the union.
The epidemic is a mania for all classes
| to invent car-counlers and get natent
| grants therefor.
The larger norton Of tbcse counlcrs
are so complicated and useless that the
anxious pateutees will never receive
an iota of good from their inventions
A certain ind;v;duol from tho Eu.
p;re state named Collins ,nn,;ed for !,
grant on a wickless lamp. The latter
was Tasted and an exn,o.;on follo,yod
The lamn and annl;cat;on went IN
n;eces together
Rut the ouecrest ~ oueer d.n,rtrros
in Acknowledgement .oc is tbot takon INV
an eccentr;c ros;dort of Obi ,,.ha ~
vented an cUuaIlv cccent-;c hoat on
eccentric IDEAS. The boat was 70 hn
So constructed nc 70 roi1 or.r tb. NO.
tiers in the fashion of n log or wheel
This strange craft was to be propelled
bv the wind striking on suitable
blades standing ont from tho rad;;
of the hull. The Ob;oan failed to