Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1894-10-11
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughablc Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists OF Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
snrInkles of snlcc.

| 10 Jne women UDaU sew pillows TO
all arm-holes Ezekiel, Kill, 49,
Truth.
THE trouble is that a girl in love
never looks into the future any further
than the next night he is coming
Atchison Globe
THE donkey carries three.quarters
Of his own weight long distances.
This proves beyond all doubt that he
is a donkey. Boston Transcript,
Prophetic. Has she given you
any encouragement? Oh, yes She
says she will get all Of her fathers
money when lie dies. Lilies Calen-
dar.
Iris quite natural that the actors
in seashore companies shou d mistake
for applause the noise made by people
killing mosquitoes. Philadelphia
Record.
"How'D it come that such an all
around rascal as Lusherly took the
pledge?" "Er-I suppose no one hap
pened TO be looking" - Buffalo
| Courier
RADBURN-I hear Olcott has been
discharged from the police force. Do
you know what for? Chesney-Yes.
Refusing to accept bride. Brook
Ign Life.
The Georgia rattlesnake is out in
all his glory, and the snake liars are
sewing on the buttons and rattling
away at a great rate. Atlanta Con-
stitutiOn.
WE imagine that a woman who
studies to be doctor would have to
be examined as to how quick she
could get up at night and dress
Atchison Globe.
"A BAD boy seldom gets his bad
ness from his father" says the Mana
yunk philosopher. "The old man
usually hangs on to all he has. -
Philadelphia Record,
The bicycle girls who wear bloom
ers are better riders than their
skirted sisters, for it is apparent to
every one that they get on better
Philadelphia Record.
NEVER DRINK-"My wife calls me
Ducky because | take to water,
Old Soak--"My wife calls me Camel
because | can 60 so long without it, !"
Philadelphia Record.
GEORGE, father has failed"
That's just like him! / told you all
along, darling, that he was going to
do all he could to keep us from
marrying. "-Life's Calendar
THE Biddleby family at Newport
(they lathe at Easton's beach); Mr..
Biddleby-Say, Emmaline, these
bathin' suits haint no projections; I'm
wet clear through.-Harper's Bazaar,
SHE--They thought the world Of
each 0ther. He reigDed in her heart
and she reigned in his He-And
tHey didn't know enough to 20 in
when it reigned. 49, Boston Tran
script
SEASHORE MORALITY - Dan -
What's the matter, cid man? Can't
you find your batting suit? Van
Cad. Pm not trying to- I'm looking
for a better one. Katie Fields Wash
ingt0a,
CHEER up, people! Cane-grinding
is getting mighty close to us, and
caady-pulling> time is not more than
six blocks away. There'll be life in
the old land yet.-Atlanta Const-
tuition.
Mr.. KILBRADGE Ga visiting English
mandy the way, Boston is within
a few hours Of New York, isn't it?
Miss Ninton (of New Yori)-Oh,
dear, no; it isn't within twenty years
Of it.-NOgue.
AN artist being asked as sculp-
ture dillicult?" answered: "Why
bless you, no! You have only to take
block of marble and chisel, and
knock off all the marble you don't
want. lid
PHYsICIAN-"You must avoid all
excitement; avoid beer or wine en-
tirely and drink only water" 1But,
doctor, the idea of drinking water ex-
cites me more than anything else. -
Fliegende Blaetter.
Mrs. DE STYLE-Have you noticed
the quiet dignity and repose of our
new footman? Bachelor Brother "a
traveler)--Y-e-s, / think he must
have been a waiter in a railroad res
taurant New York Weekly.
JIMMY-"What is this moral cour-
age that the Sunday school teacher
was tellin' US about?" Tommy-"As
near as / kin guess it, it's the kind Of
courage that kids has that's afraid
to fight. "-Indianapolis Journal.
MAMMA engaged in correcting
Johnny)-"You know hate to do it,
Johnny. | sympathize with you,
but" Johnny-"Haven't there
been enough sympathetic strikes
without your beginnng?" Boston
Transcript
WHAT'S all dis kickin bout arbi.
tration?" asked one man Of another
on the train that was headed for the
race track "Well, We see, it's a kick
for decisions, see? Dey t'ink dat If
de gov'ment goes in an umpires de
game dey won't be so many strikes
called Washington Star.
IDLE IKE-"Walk right by dat fel-
l.. - Il. l. i