davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
Funny Savings Are Rare.

Why not try the ''most funny" things
that have ever been saids Not the wittiest,
because the wit of man has been gener-
ally practiced, trained, forged and temper
ed for the sole purpose of being used as
rapier for purposes of the duello. More
than half the witty things ON record con-
tain the keen and polished epigram which
stabs a man in vital part and leaves
him branded for the rest of his life as
fool, ass, charlatan. OF this kind of wit
Douglas Jerrold was master. "Have
You seen my Descent Into HELP asked
Heraud, the now forgotten. NO." said
Jerrold "but | should dearly like to-"
This was extremely witty. Or--to take an
earlier case-when early in the last CEN
fury, two rival physicians fought. "Take
your life," said the magnanimous victor.
Anything but your medicine" replied
the defeated one. These are examples of
wit.
| want funny things--things that make
you laugh, not at the uneXpectedness of
it, or the sting in 1t, or the discontinue
of the other man, but at the drollery of it,
the humor of it, the audacity of it, the
mirthfulness of it. For instance, it was
suggested the other day in conversation
that perhaps the funniest thing ever said
was that old and well known story of the
question and reply as to the way in which
certain people managed to subsist. "They
earn a precarious existence by taking in
each others washing" And some of Sgd
ney Smiths sayings are almost as funny.
The witty things are much more com
mon than the funny things, partly be-
cause life is always, as Beaumarchais call
ed it, "a combat, and partly because the
generality of men are more disposed to
say things sharp and biting-things that
wound-things that make other men
afraid of them--than genial, pleasant,
laughter moving things. Certainly, if
had belonged to the same club as Douglas
Jerrold should have sat In another room,
or i should have sat in the same room
without daring to speak. venture, there
fore, to suggest that collection of funny
things might be curious.
Alas, one easily understands that such
a collection might be very dreary. We do
not all of us laugh at the same thing, and
it is infinitely easier to make people laugh
than to make them cry.-Walter Besant
in Queen.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

He accosted me as came out Of the
postoffice on Broadway and wanted to
know whether the Broadway cable was
the only one now at work. said there
was another ON One Hundred and Twen-
ty-fifth street, running up to High
Bridge, and was about passing on when
he grasped me by the arm and said in a
whispers:
(Which is the wust?"
"There's no choice" said / shortly,
preparing to cross the street.
Then these New York newspapers
are blamed liars, b'gosh, and l don't
keer who knows it'll" said he.
Whats the natter" l asked, with
interest.
1--WE been readin nothin lately 'oept
bout accidents by the deadly trolley and
the bloody cable, and I've been ridin all
over Brooklyn without seein durn &C.
cident and spent 80 cents on this line
without so much as seein newsboy
hurt It amt fair, that's what it amt. u
And he shook his head sadly and crossed
over and took a Fourth avenue horse Car
up town.-New York Press.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
INDEPENDENT CANDIDATES.

1t is presumable that as the
election approaches there will be
more or less independent candi-
dates come to the surface for
political honors. This is ex-
pee ted, and as a matter of fact
always follows party nominations
where politics is healthy. The
independent candidate, however,
must be always recognized as the
man who expected nomination on
the regular ticket and failed to get
there. He is always more capable
and patriotic than the nominee
endorsed by the people, providing
you listen to the independent can
didate himself or his friends.
The claim that an independent
ticket is demanded is, in nine cases
out of ten, merely cover to de-
feats suffered at primaries and is
nothing more or less than the
attack of the minority, Or of indi-
viduals in some cases, upon the
decision of the majority.
In the present unstable state Of
royalist politics, and in the eager
search of their leaders for political
standing room under the Republic,
it has become evident that the
birth Of independent tickets may
hereafter be looked for from the
supporters of the monarchy. This
will not appear strange when it is
remembered that about the only
interests on persons not repre-
scented in the convention of the
American Union party are led by the
politicians who led the restoration
cause to defeat, and are now out
in the political cold.
1t is learned that certain political
leaders hoped to use the Hawaiian
Republican Club for basis for
another independent ticket to be
sprung today upon Republican
voters. 1t will be seen elsewhere,
however, that the Hawaiians of
the Republican Club have securely
blocked the wheels of their would
be political dictators by endorsing
the nominees of the American
Union party without reserve.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

In spite of the talk about smaller sleeves,
some of the first autumn dresses brought
over from Paris and London have fuller
skirts and even larger sleeves than those
now worn. Harper's Bazaar says The
skirts are gored rather closely about the
hips, but are very full in the back and
wide at the foot. They are lined and in
terlined, but fortunately are of lightweight
woolens and are very little trimmed. a
bias satin fold an inch wide, headed with
a narrow band of jet, is around the foot OF
very handsome cloth gowns. Others have
merely fold of the wool, cancels hair, or
basket cloth below the edge, between the
outside and lining, and held there by three
or four rows of stitching, which give a
neat finish. Three back CORES, pointed at
the top and spreading out in fan plaits to
the foot, are ON many skirts some of them
completed by the little projecting basque
introduced in the spring with silk gowns,
Bias pulled sleeves are enormously wide
at the top and are caught up or draped by
choux or bows. They taper to the wrist,
but are often left rather large below the
elbow and wTinkled around the arm,
which adds to the effect of great size.
Round waists reappear in many ways
box plated, sashed, with yoke, or with
a guimpe of contrasting material, the low
er part carried up above the bust in van
dyke points and edged with jet galloon.
Plated waists have two box plaits down
the back, starting from the shoulders,
where they are ga inches wide, and taper
ing an inch narrower at the waist line.
They are folded in one piece, with the
middle space between plain. A side form
begins under the plaits, so that the only
seams shown are those under the arm.
The fronts are much fuller than the back,
having two similar plaits and full gath
cred plastron.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

As for the domestic woman, like wash
ing dishes well enough. suppose we all
do. We had rather do 1t ourselves than
have some girl do it badly. But there is
a certain book which one is at liberty to
quote on all occasions, and which sets
forth in plain terms whose place 1t is to
wash the dishes. And in this book, whose
authority we never question, it is written,
"And they spread a line over Samaria
and wiped ont Jerusalem as man wipeth
dish, turning it upside down.
As for the business woman, never saw
IA good housekeeper that was not good
business woman. 1t needs Just as much
energy, perseverance and gumption to be
a successful housekeeper as il does to go
to an Office and go through its routine
work. On the other hand, the members Of
this club (Sorosis) have demonstrated and
are living proof that successful business
woman may be just as womanly, as gem
tie, as sweet MS any home guarded woman
in the land The day will come when
women will stand in position to make
men come up with them to the place where
business can and will be done according to
the golden rule,-Rev, Phebe Hanaford.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
Honolulu, august 7, 1894.
MIR. CUSTOMER
DEAR SIR:

In reply to yours OF
goth ult. we would say that we
have all the goods you ask for.
In most of the cases the prices
you quote are our regular prices,
but on some of the items our
prices are lower than you men,
ton, and we shall OF course give
you the benefit. of the reduced
rates.
Razors and Strops-.
We are glad you have decided
to try our new "set blade" razors,
and patent swing strops, as in
the country ever man has to do
his own shaving and as shaving
becomes pleasure with these
tools" we know you will have a
large demand for them. In re-
gard to Lawn Sprink1ers
we will say that we have sent a
very simple one, which cannot
wear out or get out of order, the
price you see is low, and they
will do good work.
Pocket Knives-We send
what you order in this line
and will say that we have lately
received a fine assortment so can
furnish anything in this line from
IS cents to $500 each. Yes, we
have the Clauss Knives,
have sold them tor a year, either
in sets or single bread knives.
Our stock of Butcher and
Hunting Knives is also COM
plete.
SOap-As you did not say
how many bars you wished to the
100 lbs, we are sending one case
each 42-5o-oo and 70 bars to
100 lbs. We carry a heavy stock
of this article and, as you will
notice, it is a first grade Laun-
dry Soap, and we have put it in
at very low figure.
We regret that you got "nip-
ped" on that bargain" IN
Fence Wire and note that
in future you will come to us
and get a first class article. We
thought when you told us of your
"buy" that before it had been up
long you would see you had a
"sell."
In closing let us say that we
have large and varied stock
OF Hardware, Ship Chandlery,
Paints oils, and leather, and
when filling your orders will
always charge the lowest prices.
Truly Yours
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
THE POWER OF THE PRESS.
How 1t Might BE the Highest Terrestrial
Illustration of Omnipotenoe.

How 1t Might BE the Highest Terrestrial
Illustration of Omnipotenoe.
Colonel Pat DOMAIN, the celebrated
correspondent, speaking on the subject
of editors of newspapers to Philadel-
phia News man, said
We speak of england, France, Ger
many, Russia and the United States as
'the great powers, but among all the
powers of earth the press stands easily
first and greatest. If every journalist
fully appreciated his power and his re-
sponsibility and every journal were
known to be absolutely truthful, honest,
fearless and incorruptible beyond the
reach of wheeding, bribery or intimida-
ton; wearing the dog collar Of no
party, section, sect or faction; patriotic
and not partisan, always for the right
and against the wrong, union Of all
the newspapers would be the highest
terrestrial illustration of omniscience
and omnipotence. Such combination
could overturn any principality, throne
or dominion under heaven, as herd of
Texas steers might upset child's array
of tin soldiers. 1t could establish and
maintain any system, cause, creed or
institution the editors chose to support.
Civilization eliminates in the power
press, and the bounds of civilization are
limited by the circulation of the daily
papers. There is no civilized speech or
language where their voice is not heard
or their influence is not felt. A few
weeds soaked in bilge water, or little
calomel rolled in sweetened dough,
with plenty of printers ink, will make
millionaire of any pauperistic quack
in five years, whether it is the brains,
hearts, livers, lungs, kidneys or giz-
yards Of newspaper reading gudgeons
his humbug panacea claims to reeener-
ate. A few thousand acres of iron, coal
or timber, fair fiatboat harbor or two
or three intersecting railroads with
reasonable circumjacent possibilities,
and abundant advertising, will build a
city out Of nothingness anywhere in q
decade There is no enterprise or bust
ness, benefaction or villainy that cannot
be pushed into triumph or driven to
failure by the newspapers. Great repu-
tations are created by them out of moth
ing and wrecked by them for amuse-
ment. In this country governors, sena-
tors and even presidents are made by
them-often out of material intended
for thinkers and peddlers, baseball play.
ers, gamblers, shysters, pickpockets and
thugs.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

THE Hawaiian ShimPo takes the
STAR to task for criticising Japan
csc egotism a few days ago. Be
fore the appearance of the Sh'mP0'S
article the STAR merely referred to
Japan as a semi-civilized nation,
being possibly led astray by nu-
merous standard works Of history
and travel. Being now better in
formed at the hands of our intel
ligent contemporary, who has done
the STAR the honor of having Its
editorial structures specially trans
lated in the H0LOmHa, the STAR feels
constrained to reduce its charge
against Japan and her acquired
claim to civilization. The STAR
was evidently quite wrong in say,
ing Japan and her statesmen re
presented a civilization which
shuffled its feet and we are quite
willing to add, since the appearance
Of tie .Shimbo's article, that Japan
represents a civilization which
shuf1es its brains as we'll as its
feat
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
He Was Too Slow.

He reached out as if he would catch
hold of her, but she eluded his grasp.
Again he made an equally feeble at
tempt, and again she eluded him. Once
more he made feeble attempt, and she
had no difficulty in escaping. This time
she became indignant, almost angry.
What do you mean, SIR" she ex-
claimed, "by thus trying to kiss me?"
"I-I-I presume, he hesitated,
THAT meant to kiss you"
She drew herself up proudly, then
stepped near him and gazed down on
him defiantly.
well, she said emphatically, "why
in heavens name don't you do it?"-
Detroit Free Press.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
WATER NOTICE.

Owing to the drought and scarcity o.
water. the residents above Judd stree
are requested to collect what water the!
NAV require for household purposes be
fore o'clock a. IN.
ANDREW BROWN,
Supt. Honolulu Water WORKS
Honolulu. II. l., July 20, 1874.
40i-.f
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
Higher Prices for Hides.

n July, 1898, owing to the fl
II nancial depression, in the
United States. or other causes,
hides declined in price to the
lowest point ever known. Hides
that in May brought S cents per
pound, in July brought only 3
cents. But prices had been
steadily declining for two years,
now change is coming. In
July last prices again started up,
and in the small space Of two
months jump from 81 to AZ
has taken place in San Francis
co markets. These prices are
for the average Hawaiian hide.
This will be cheering news to
the Island butcher, as for the
past year it has hardly paid him
to salt and ship his hides.
All who have hides to sell
will please remember we are
paying the highest prices for
green sailed hides.
NJ. w. McC HEsNEY Sons.
October I, 1894.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
& COOKE,
IMPORTERS OF
Hardware
and
General
Merchandise.

The sporting sea-
son has set in and we
wish to call attention
to the fact that we
have a full line of I'm
ion Metallic Car
trige Cos. goods
for sporting and
target practice
consisting of Mill
tary Ammuni-
ton, Sporting
A m m u N i t i o n,
Wads and Wad Cut
ter, Reloading Tools,
Primers, and Percus-
sion Caps, Brass and
Paper Shells, also the
very best quality of
Sporting Powder; put
up in Alb., lib, and
oAlb. cans.
Shot Gun Cartridges
all sizes; also Rice
Bird Guns, Pow
der and Caps.
Remember we sell
Pearl Oil at $I.oo
per case c. O. D.,
delivered to any part
of the city.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

Howellet's Queer Facts and Curious
Fancies" says that 1.-The first black board
was made at London in the year 1895 and
was used at a small educational institution
near Paddington Green. III. A. Wood. an
Authoritative investigator, says: The first
black board ever used for the purpose of in
struction was made by Colonel Claudius
Crozet, one of Napoleon's officers, and after.
ward teacher of mathematics at West
Point. The board was made in 1915"
Which is rightS-St. Louis Republic
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
A SHATTERED IDOL.
Each week saw him take an Z
And nut IL In a latter

Each week saw him take an Z
Aud put 1t in letter
Aud mail It, and for that own
liked him all the better.
Thought Of some dear country hons.
A patient mother bearing
A burden lightened by the thought
That he for her was caring.
His surly ways and hardened face
Ieasily forgave him,
Because Of this, his weekly gift,
One virtue that could save him.
But oh, alasl One fateful day
In asking for loan he,
With awful oaths, declared he must
Send ON that alimony.
Washington News
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

The Dominion Of Canada has an area
OF 3,457 900 square miles and comprises
one-sixteenth of the land surface of the
globe. 1t is the largest Of all the British
possessions, Australia. the next in size,
containing 1914, sos square miles.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

THE latest utterances of the can
didates of the American Union
Party, published elsewhere, EN-
phasize the point, already brought
out, that annexation is the leven OF
Hawaii's present political advance
,,,a,,t
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

Mrs. Stocks-If we move into that
chePp house, we'll lose caste.
Mr.. Stocks-Don't care if we do It's
the best we can afford without running
hopelessly in debt, and besides it's COM
Portable place anyhow.
Mrs. Stocks-Huhl Just like a man.
Only so you can be comfortable and pay
every little bill as quick as it comes in,
you don't care what the world thinks
New York Weekly.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

The boy who is whacked, cuffed,
kicked, half starved, overworked and
otherwise neglected, generally, if he
keeps out of prison and does not die,
makes the best man.-Exchange.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
IRRIGATION NOTICE.

Holders of water privileges, or those
having water rates, are hereby notified
that the hours for irrigation purposes
are from ! to 3 o'clock a. III. and to u
o'clock p. IN,
A. BROWN,
Supt. Honolulu Water Works.
Ruproved: j. A. KING.
Minister of the Interior.
Once Honolulu Water Works.
Honolulu, May %, 1894:
357-tf
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

Ia Leo is lately getting to be
real dirty and indecent as only the
adherents of the late monarchy, or
members of the Bush family, can
consistently afford to be.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
-dFE ~ Haf&
Is,l.osNS#
ATTRACTIVE NEW colFFuREs.
Soft Curls and Undulating Tresses Set the
Seal of style Upon Them.

Seal OF Style Upon Them.
Somebody once remarked that beauty
draws us by q single hair, and in so say
ing established once and for all the SUI
preme value of her tresses in the list Of q
womans charms. Her features may fail
Of classic regularity, her complexion may
suggest other comparisons than the tradi-
tional milk and roses but If, like Brown
ing's'maiden of Pornic "she has her great
gold hair, " she may with safety challenge
the soft Impeachment of uncoineliness.
Indeed nature, with her universal law of
compcnsations, rarely adds the browning
glory of beautiful hair to face that is
lovely enough to dispense with a gorgeous
frame. But then. on the other hand, ma
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

Fogg has about made up his mind that
life is hardly worth the living in these
days when a man has to keep posted on
70 many things that are not worth know
ing.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

ing made TO match, while the gathered
folds over the shoulders are Of the cloth to
correspond with the skirt. Nothing could
be simpler in style than this, and yet the
effect is excellent.
And pretty, too, is that other dress,
made in red cashmere, with deep yoke,
out low to show white wooden chemi-
settle, with large frilled collar. The
sleeves of this are also made of the white.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

The oldest statue of the world is Of
the sheik of an Egyptian village. 1t is
believed to be not less than 6,0O0 years
aid
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

The Great Eastern was the largest
hip ever built-6SO feet long, SO broad.
" deep and 20 SET tons burden. $50
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17

He-Do you sing after the Ball"
She-No. Pm too sleepy then. But
often feel like singing after the theater.
He invited her to go.-New York Weekly.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-10-17
Fall Dress For Children.

Plain and simple yet very pretty are
some of the new models for girls. One, OBJ
viously intended to bear somewhat grown
up air, is made of tan colored CLOTH with
blouse of royal blue surah, the sash be-
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-06-27
HONOLULU IRON WORKS,
STEAM ENGINES, SUGAR MtLLs, BOILERS,
COOLERS, IRoN, BRASS AND LEAD
CASTINGS.

Machinery of Every Description Made
Order. Particular attention paid to Ships
no. ice
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-06-27
SPOKE TOO SOON.

Several months ago when the
stan announced that the people OF
the United States would never
tolerate the restoration of the eX-
Queen the royalist press of Hon
olulu burst into metapborical
laughter and consumed column
after column showing the Ameri-
cans of Hawaii, and especially the
STAR, were entirely mistaken in
appealing to the people and press
of the United States.
At that time the anti-American
royalist leaders claimed to know
much more about the political dis
position and ultimate action of the
United States than Americans.
The merest hint that the Senate
and people of that country might
have political voice and hand in
reaching a conclusion on the Ha-
waiian matter, was met with super
cillious scorn, such as only silly
royalists can assume when i'll a
normal condition with their hopes
rampant and their judgement
couchant.
1t was this state of combined
personal ignorance and political
bigotry, backed by native follow
ing incapacitated largely by nat
ural conditions and disabilities for
either self government or personal
decision, which caused the publica-
ton of the following statement, 1t
is, perhaps, needless to say the
royalist leaders would not stick to
it now if they retained the personal
courage or native backing to do
otherwise:
We need not repeat that the Queen
aud her supporters are now, as ever,
perfectly willing 10 abide by whatever
decision or whatever steps II shall please
ii United States 20 take toward the
So Element Of Hawaiian affairs, and
n We no intention of interfering in
natter which they voluntarily have left
ia the hands of President Cleveland -
HOiomud, Dec. 30, 1888.
Accustomed to leave the people
OF Hawaii entirely out Of all politi-
cal calculations under the mon
archy, the ex-queen's deserters re
fused TO acknowledge the people OF
the United States as a political
factor, aud consequently got left, "
II is Just possible some Of our roy
alist friends, who are at present
searching for an easy method Of
reconstruction, will now admit that
the people Of the United States are
q bigger man than Grant" when