Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-06-14

where's my bird?" Cat-aOh, he's
just gone inside Life.
SOMEONE who believes that brew
ity is the soul of wit" writes: Don't
eat stale Q-cumbers. They'll w up
It'd Bits
PADDY's latest feat was to pawn
his gun, preparatory to days shoot
ing, in order to buy cartridges. Lon
don Truth. M
THIs is the season when the man
who has been at peace all winter has
a falling out with his hammock.
Atchlson Globe.
No SMILE Is so genuine as that Of
the hen which, perched on the fence,
watches the man next door making
his spring garden. States
man.
WHEN you 60 In to collect bill,
the man at the counter Is less apt to
inquire about the health of your fam
lily than when you 20 in to pay one.
Atchison Globe.
JUDGE GUFFEY-What passed be-
tween yourself and the complainant?
o. Brien-I think, sor, half-a- dozen
bricks and piece Of PAWN stone. -
Raymond's Monthly.
SMYTHE-Do the hard times affect
your business? Landlady Theatrical
boarding house)-N at all; my
boaIders wouldn't pay anyhow
Raymond's Monthly.
WIFE lat party)-That decollete
waist Of Mrs. Shapely Ats her per-
:ectly. doesn't 1t? Husband docking
intently)-It would If there were
enough Of it-Judge.
FROM the barracks. Sergeant-On
account Of two short days of arrest
that fellow makes face like zebra
whose stripes have been washed
away. -Fliegende Blaetter.
"DID you tender your resignation?"
said man to an ex-otiiceholder. Il
resigned by request, sir, but there
was nothing tender about II. 1t was
tough. "-Pittsburg Chronicle.
THE razor-toed shoe is the proper
thing in footwear just now. UnfOr-
tunately. however, the prices are such
that man is liable to get strapped
in buying a pair.-Buffalo Courier.
WHAT is Congress talking about
now, dear?" said Mrs Dukane to her
husband, who was reading the paper.
about all the time, love-" was the
comprehensive eply.-Pittsburg Pa.
Chronicle.
SHE-"l tell you, it won't be long
till we have our rights" He-@Oh,
you are one of those revolving women,
are you?" "Sir-r-r!" aEr-l mean
you are in revolt, don't you see?"-
indianapolis Journal.
MR.. GRUMPPs-What idiotic Chings
they do print on the women's page of
this newspaper Mrs. Grumpps-
Yes, i wish they would discharge the
fellow and put woman In charge Of
it.-New York Weekly.
MR. CASEY (Alderman)-Phwat do
| yez t'ink of these refarm clubs? OH
Ger Klubbum (twirling his baton)-
Well, they're lighter to handle. But
l tink twas wrong to do away wild
der night-stick.
Aren't you ashamed,
daughter, to be seen In such low
dress?" Daughter-@Why. papa, you
said yourself that you wanted me to
cut down in my clothes while the
! times were so hard. Judge.
OLD woman-I am sorry to hear
little boys use such bad language.
Have you thought what becomes of
| little boys who use bad language?
Street urchin - Yes. Dey become
hoss-car drivers. Brooklyn Life.
DEMoNsTRAToR lin clinic)-"You
will notice that the subjects right
| leg is longer than his left, which
causes him to limb. Now, what do
| you do in such case?" Bright Stu
dent-@Pd limp too. "-Philadelphia
Record.
SWELL, Mary, what did you think
Of the pictures at the Academy"
"Oh, mum, there was picture there
called Two Dogs, after Landseer,' but
/ looked at it for nearly half an hour
and l couldn't see no Landseer. -
Spare Moments.
| MANAGING EDIToR-"Where's our
foreign letter." City Editor-.I'm
just going to send the boy up to Mrs.
Hasher's boarding house to get the
copy" Managing Editor-aAll right.
Tell him to come back on the Broad
way road with it. / want it headed
BY Cable. Puck.
| KIRBY STONE Good heavens!
Haven't you enough ball dresses now,
without tuying any more? Mrs.
Stone-Yes, my dear, for ordinary
occasions. But this is to be ~Hard
Times" party, and will require some
thing out OF the usual. A couple of
hundred will do, / think.
"REMEMBER, Witness" sharply ex-
claimed the attorney for the defense,
.you are on oash!" "There amt no
danger of my furgettin' it," replied
the witness I'm tellin' the truth
fur nothin', when 1 could have made
81 by lynn fur your side OF the case,
an you know It. Chicago Tribune.
MRS CHATT-Im so sorry you hurt
your fingers, Johnny. How was 1t
the cracker went off in your hand?
Little Johnny--It was all dads ,ault.
He was coming up the street, and I
was going to drop 1t out of the win
dow on his head, but he walked 90
slow that the thing went of before
he got underneath the window
Tid-Bits