davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28

One step from the sublime to the
ridiculous This is an old truism. 1t
might be said also that comedy and
tragedy are very near to each other-at
least so argued that prince Of good fell
lows, Nat Goodwin.
Seated in Delmonico's cafe one day
recently, Goodwin was entertaining a
number of friends with personal remi-
niscences Of a European trip. In de-
lightfully ingenious manner he made
himself tho butt in each story, and con-
vulsed his auditors with laughter.
Finally he said II was walking
down street the other day-that is, /
was or another fellow was, it doesn't
make any difference. You don't want
to spoil story on technicalities. Any
how / or the other fellow was walking
down street and CHANGED to pass an ex-
press office.
"The expressman was loading his
wagon preparatory for his afternoon
round. OF sudden tho forwarding
agent or whatever You call him came
out with small dog.
Where's he going?' asked tho driv-
err.
81 don't know.
"'Don know?
"'Naw
"'Why the - don't you know?'
"'Now, don't get previous. said the
forwarding agent. Il don't know, an it
don't know, an nobody knows. It's ct
up its tag, that's the reason. "
His auditors laughed, but Goodwin
drew a long face II say it's pathetic, "
he remarked. "Think of the position of
that dog. In a thoughtless moment he
destroyed his own identity. It's trag-
edy in real life. New York Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
An Eye NVith Legs.

"Depond upon it, children, said the
benignant old gentleman who was adj
dressing the Sunday school, 1--WE were
fashioned by wiser power than our
solves There was no mistake made in
putting us together. III our hands were
placed whore our feet are and our feet
where our hands arc, how could we get
along? Ii would he exceedingly awk
ward, children, exceedingly awkward.
Istretch my hand out this way. move
my fingers like this. Now, what is this
an evidence of, children?''
There was no reply, and after wait
ing moment the speaker answered tho
question himself.
ut is an evidence of design. Don't
forget that, children, he continued inn
pressively. 1t is al evidence of design.
Suppose, for instance, my eye, instead
of having lids and iashes, had legs. Sup
pose my eye had legs How could / use
them?"
"You could use them in running your
eye over the congregation, couldn't
your" replied deeply interested little
boy near the door. Chicago Tribune.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
HOW A MAN GOES TO SLEEP.
slumber Begins Mt the Feet, and the Sensei
Become Dormant One After Another.

Slulmber Begins at the Feet, and the Senses
Become Dormant One After Another.
"Order is heavens first law" and
the old truth is manifested even in the
process of going to sleep. When man
drops off to Sleep his body does not do
so all at once, so to speak. Some senses
become dormant before others and al
ways in the same order. As he becomes
drowsy the eyes close, and the sense of
seeing is at rest. 1t is quickly followed
by the disappearance of the sense OF
taste. He next loses the sense of smell,
and then after short interval the tym-
panum becomes insensible to sound, or
rather the nerves which run to the brain
from it fail to arouse any sense of hear
ing
The last sense to leave is that of
touch, and in some representative peo-
ple it is hardly ever dormant. Even in
their case, however, there is no discrim-
mating power or sense of what touched
Them This sense is also the first to re-
turn upon awakening. Then hearing fol-
| lows suit, after that taste, and then the
oye becomes able to flash impressions
back to the brain. The sense Of smell,
oddly enough, though it is by no means
the first to go, is the last to come back.
Tho Same gradual loss of power is OBJ
served in tho muscles and sinews as
we'll MS in the senses. Slumber begins
at tho feet and slowly spreads up the
limbs and trunk until it reaches tho
| brain, when Inconsistencies is complete
aud the whole body is at rest. This is
why sleep is impossible when the feet
arc cold, Nov York World.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
Mounting photographs.

The satisfactory mounting Of photo
graphs is troublesome operation, and
the following suggestion from con-
tributor to The Outlook may BIO Of assist
ance to amateurs: II have found a
method by which photograph or en-
craving can be mounted on the thinnest
paper without curling or wrinkling. IL
the picture is photograph, it should
be ironed out smooth with hot iron
and then trimmed. Mix a little gum
arabic in hot water SO as to mako q
rather thick mucilage. Place the pic
ture on the page in position and mark
Just inside the corners. Remove the
picture and take some Of the mucilage
on ruling pen and draw heavy line
of mucilage from one point to another,
so as to make line Of mucilage all
around the place where the picture is to
be. AS soon as the mucilage is sticky
put the picture in place and book over
it to keep it fiat. When dry, you will
have smooth mount that will not
curl ~
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
A philadelphia Experiment.

The object lesson which the ladies of
the Health Protective association gave
the New York city authorities last win
ter when they set to work in good house.
wifely fashion and showed what their
idea of clean street was is bearing
fruit in Philadelphia. The New York
experiment is to BIO repeated there by
the ladies of the Philadelphia Health
Protective association, and the block Sc
lected upon which to demonstrate what
can be done when women set about is
Twelfth street, between Chestnut and
Walnut. On this block stands the beau
tiful clubhouse Of the new Century club,
a woman's organization, making it an
eminently suitable spot to bear the inn
print of woman's love Of neatness.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
She Didn't Guess.

Like many other things, an alarm
clock is good thing when confined to
its own sphere. But young man who
lives in TiJga had an experience with
one the other day which, to say the
least, was embarrassing. Being n heavy
sleeper, it was not uncommon for him
to miss his train to the city i'll tho
morning, so he resolved to invest in an
alarm clock. One experience with it was
enough, and that occurred while he was
taking his purchase home. Walking
through the train, he CHANGED to see q
certain young lady sitting in seat, the
other half of which was unoccupied.
The young man knew the young lady
in fact, he is said to have had enter
tanned serious hopes before the alarm
got in its little work. He sat down be-
side her, with his package i'll his lap,
and smiled his sweetest She asked him
what he was taking home, and he play
fully bid her guess. Candy? Cigars?
Neckties?" No, it was none Of these.
Just as she was about to venture a
fourth guess there was mutfied sound
from the interior of the pacakge and
then loud clang that resounded weird
ly through the car. The young man
blushed, the young lady giggled, and
the passengers roared. 1t seemed as
though the thing would never stop, and
it didn't until the disgusted youth hurl-
ed 1t to the other end of tho car. Phil
adelphia Record.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
STORIES OF DIR. HOLMES.


A Young woman VINO Didhb Like his
Literary Taste.
The story is recalled of young Vir-
ginia country girl dining in Boston
some years ago, in the days when DIR.
Holmes went to dinners. Seated next
to her was a homely, little old gentlo-
man whose name she did not catch. He
began to talk with her and asked
how she passed her time in the country.
"Oh, weread, my father and IP' she
said.
And what do you road?" asked the
littlo man.
"Well, the 'Autocrat of the Break
fast Table for one thing, she answer
ed
Il should think you would not care
to read that more than once, remark
ed the little old man with sign of dis
appointment in his tones.
''My father and l may not be judges
of literature, said Miss Virginia airi-
" and with faint accent of scorn,
"but when we get to the end of the
'Autocrat' we generally turn back to
the beginning and read it over again. "
Tho little old man smiled at this and
was disposed to be friendly, but Miss
Virginia was SO displeased with his tone
concerning the "Autoerat" that she met
him with chilly Indifference.
AS soon as the guests went into the
drawing room her hostess whispered
reproaohfully to her;
"You didn't seem to find DIR. Holmes
as interesting as l hoped. T"
cdr. Holmes" shrieked Miss Virgin
ia. There were a tableau and an expla-
nation.
Another story of Holmes wit is told.
One day cid DIR. Peabody was to meet
him at certain place. The venerable
professor rode in carriage When he
got there, he was met by Holmes, who
had walked. Near by was statue of
Eurydice. And Holmes said;
"Ah, you ride, l seoP'
"Oapital, capital' cried Peabody.
That night he went back homo and
said to his wife:
"Holmos got off good joke today "
His wife asked him whet it WIS
"Why, was to meet him down at
the statue of Eurydiee, and whom ar
rived, he said quito happily, ooh, you
came in carriagoP
And then tho genial professor wonder
ed why his wife didn't laugh.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
1t Suited Her.

They were threading their way slow
ly among the gorgeously dressed dunn
mics in the dry goods shop, stopping ev-
cry now and then to admire or criticise
and to inspect Innings and price marks.
Nothing had pleased their fastidious
fancy very much until the girl in brown
saw black serge just in front of her.
"There, Mariel" she exclaimed in
triumph. THAT'S what want. See how
that umbrella skirt hangs! See how that
coat sits in the back The frock makes
even lay figure distinguished If it's
silk lined and doesn't cost too much, /
shall have it. !"
She advanced and laid inquiring
hands upon the frock, lifting the coat
to inspect the lining. Then she fell back
with little cry. 1t was not dummy,
but another customer, who turned and
faced her. New York Recorder.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
The Parsons RebuIte.

A mean man invited the village
preacher to dine with him, but placed
before tho preacher only a dish Of greens
and corn bread.
"Will you say grace, parsonT' asked
the host.
IL will, +" replied the parson. Lord,
make us thankful for green's and corn
bread, and put it into the heart of our
brother to raise hogs next year!"--At-
lanta Constitution.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
TIE opoR OF PLANTS.
It Comes From the Heart of the Flower
Usually, Sometimes From the Leaves.

Usually, Sometimes From the Leaves.
The various delightful or disagreeable
odors of the plant family usually reside
in the flower itself, though in some
species the seat is in the leaves and stem
or even in tho root. In either case the
odor is due to the presence of volatile
essential oils, usually of resinous ma
ture The number Of these oils is un-
known, and their nature is so complex
that even a slight variation in the tenn
peraturo or in the quantity of light
falling upon them is sufficient to cause
a Encouragement of their component ell
ements, resulting, so far as the smell is
concerned ut least, in an entirely differ
emit compound.
Prophylc ether, which is an EXAM
pie of these unstable compounds, can,
by slightly different arrangement Of
its elements, be made to yield either the
odor of pineapples or that Of decaying
fish The reason, therefore, why each
species and kind of plant has differ
ent odor is the ease with which one per-
fume may be transformed into another.
Sufficient cause for such transition is
often found in the mode of life of each
variety of plant and the difference in
their chemical constitution.
Whatever in any way affects the life
or growth of plant rapidly shows its
effect upon tho flower and its perfume.
The nature of the soil and its humidi-
ty. the variation of temperature or tho
intensity Of the sunlight will sooner or
later transform the entire nature of q
plant, for, as has been fully shown
above, one plant, in order to produce
exactly the same perfume as another,
must not only be of the same species,
but live in the same elements, earth,
air. etc. 1t must also absorb a similar
amount of light and breathe the same,
which would, of course, necessitate
leaves similar in size, color and shape.
New York Advertiser.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
Made Bold bv His Brush.

Detaille, the French painter whose
studies are all of military life, looks ey-
cry inch soldier. He is tall, shoulder
and has a martial air. Detaillo knows
absolutely nothing Of the life of soldier
except what he has read. At the age Of
20 he was rather timid but his charae-
ter began to change as soon as he de-
voted his brush to military subjects.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
THE BETTER WAY.

Shall we fold the tiny garments
That our darling used to wear,
Lay aside the half worn dresses,
Put them all away with carei
Brooding Ger them long and often,
Bringing back our grief and pain,
Holding to our hearts our sorrow,
Living DER our loss againY
Shall we do this while about us
By tho hundreds everywhere,
Suffering for the help withholden,
There are children sweet and fair2
Children needing just the garments,
Dresses, skirts and half worn. shoes
Garments that our grief has boarded,
Garments our hearts dread to lose?
Give them what our child Eace needed,
But no longer needs, we Know.
She is clothed in lovely garments,
White and pure as drifted snow,
Helping tighten others burdens,
We of use are to the race,
And wo seem to sec a glad smile
On our darlings happy face.
Exchange.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
LAMBERTVILLE n. j. WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28 1894.
THE WIDOWED FARMER.
Since Hammer died the sun don't shine



Since Hammer died the sun don't shine 80
bright,
The stars don't twinkle near so keen at night,
The church bell Sunday mornin ain t the cheer
1t had when she was here,
Since Hammer died.
The very chickens misses Hammers care
And go round with q sorter lonesome air.
There amt no kind of joy about the place
Without her smilin face
Since Hammer died.
Tho garden tools hangs in the apple trees;
The hossweeds air a-killin off the peas.
There's 70 one here to hoe the taters now
Err feed the hogs an cow
Since Hammer died.
1 spose, of course, I'd orter be resigned,
But when go out in the shed an find
The AK she chopped the wood with all them
years
wet it with my tears
Since Hammer died.
--Robley D. Stevenson in New York Sun.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
Hound 10 Re a Portln.

Miss Isabel Darlington, daughter or
ex-Congressman Darlington of West
Chester, Pa, is bound to be lawyer.
She has already passed the required pre-
liminary examination and been regis
tered as law student in the office of
ex-Judge Thcmas s. Butler. Miss OAR
lington was her fathers private secre-
tary while no was in Washington.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
A Moral Power.

Queen Victoria is said to have become
somewhat fractions, and age is telling
on her at last. Irritable as the queen
may be under the pangs OF rhenmatism
which now af1ict her. no one desires to
see her place filed by another. She has
kept the balance of moral power in her
share Of Europe as no crowned Head has
done before her or will be likely to do
after her. Boston Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
A Sure Remedy.

Passenger--Captain, can't you recon-
mend any cure for seasickness?
Captain-Certainly, my good sir, and
one that never fails All you have got
to do is to lie down in the shade of a
tree in full leaf, and away it goes.
Schalk.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
A Compliment.

Two old schoolfellows met is years
after their graduation and fell, figura-
lively, upon each others necks
"Well, we'll, dear old Smith, said
Green. "How glad | am to see you'll
What days those werel Ha, ha, Smith.
you were the stupidest fellow in the
classp
eyes, suppose was. =
"And here you are nowl Why"
looking him over, you haven't chang
ed particler'-Youth's Companion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28

Ladies on horseback should always be
attended by a groom, according to the
rules of society Now the gentleman
who is supposed to lead New York So
ciety pronounces that every lady cyclist
must be duly accompanied by groom
on a bicycle His own daughter sets the
fashion,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28

The great bell" at Moscow weighs
443, 1889 pounds, is 10 feet and 8 inches
high and measures 60 feet inches
around the lower rim. The bell metal
in it is worth $500, 900.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28

DEAFNEsS and HEA9 NOISES 5sIS T cTRE d
else fails as glasses help eyes Whispers heard
n o pain. Invisible. +. HISCOX s53 Broadway,
New York, sole depot Send for book aud proofs
FREE
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1894-11-28
TWENTY-THIRD YEAR.
Dauchy's Advertisements.
PARkER'S
HE1IIlI In q

Use Parkors Ginger Tonic ]! cures the woTst Uo1gh'
Weak Lungs Debility Indigestion Pain Take in time 81 cts
HENDEPCQRNS The only sure cure for eorns
Stops all pain l5c at Druggists, or HlscoX CO., N. "
Nov Is fs9t-4W
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1894-07-19
ANEAsY WAY TO GET RICH.

To those of our subscribers who
are complaining of hard times we
present the following method of
solving the problem that vexes their
souls: No one is so poor that hecan-
not rake up a penny to start on.
Now, let each, upon the first day of
the month, deposit one cent in the
bank, and on each of the succeeding
days of the month double his previ-
Gus days deposit. Let him follow
this programe faithfully, and at the
end of the month he will be agreea-
bly, surprised to find that his account
will show the sum oil SIS, 1868, 1922
to his credit. In return for pointing
out this method Of acquiring a for
tune without labor, all we ask is
that those Of our subscribers who
owe us will call in and pay up
THawville Clarion.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1894-07-19
POISONOUS ROOTS.

The recent death of FIVE school
boys at Tarrytown, New York. from
eating a root which they supposed
to be sweet-fag, calls attention in
very tragic and painful way to the
presence of poisonous plants in our
woods and fields. Just what the
root really was l have not definitely
learned A medical journal COM
menting on the case supposes that it
was the very common plant known
as poison-ivy or poison-Oak (Rhus
toxicodendron). My own opinion
would be that it was more probably
either the water-hemlock (Cicuta
macu1ata) or the American hellebore
Veratrun viride), both of which are
poisonous plants that grow, like the
harmless sweet-fag, in moist local
tiles. But perhaps it is not so i'm
portant to learn what plant killed
the unfortunate lads as to remem Der
that the fatal root was SO palatable
that the bows ate it eagerly. That a
root or other vegetable product may
be pleasant to the taste and yet con-
tain deadly poison is very i'm
portant thing to know.
Fortunately not many OF our
native plants possess this very
dangerous combination of qualities.
OF those that do. perhaps the most
dangerous is the water-hemlock, al
ready mentioned. This is a rank
weed, growing commonly in most
localities. Its heshy roots have a
pleasant aromatic taste, but are
virulently poisonous. To add to the
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1894-07-19

PETITION FOR GUARDIAN.
"a Scene in the Probate Court.)

IA Scene in the Probate Court.)
s.You pray for a guardian over your son.
His name is-ah-Joseph? Is this man the
one?"
'No ::h5G sdlGGf be that is William the one that
-Guardeen to his brother. Here's Joseph by
me-"
We'll, hold up your hand Now
Is the young man a spendthrift? COM
pos unsound:'
"wen, ledge. he's peculiar. Was always jes
sence he was 1eet1e one, larnin' to go.
Can't call him a fool for he knows a big
But it Amt any value to sell or to keep.
It's all about beauty and love and devo-
ton
And glories of airth and the stars and the
He thinks he hears voices that hold him
from sleepin'
And sperrits are round him and Ee's IN their
keeping.
He's Clipper by spells; but he's full of his
He'll hang his head down and not speak
I've sent him on arrants, in spring, through
And he'd get on his knees to every flower,
Nor yit he amt lag. He never would
When any's in trouble, my sakes! how he'll
work!
But hen work jest as quick for man at
AS if he was gettin' his dollar day.
Nor he amt jest spendthrift. But what
can ye call it +?
wallet.
He stood t'other day with a coin in his
Whose moneys this 'ere? says he. turnin'
to
Saws 1, It's the dollar ye airnt the land.
Amt it yourn if we airnt 1t ? 1 alrnt It,
said he,
But the dollar amt mine; if keep it it's
curst: .
g 1t belongs to the fellow that needs it the
worst
And I'm goin to find him" And so he put
off.
,Tvant never no use to laugh to scott.
q I'm old and I'll shortly be laid on tht shelf
q And Joseph amt fit to look out for himself
8 But William is diff nt,-takeS after his dad
Bills got the first penny that ever he had,
He always took boot When ne sWappeC
with the boys,
Till he scooped all their jack-knives and
trinkets and toys,
He's srnarter'n a trap, if say it as oughtn t
And the hook can't be baited so Bill can b'
caught ont.
And I'VE often told Joseph, if he'd be like Bill
I'd do by 'em both jest alike in my will.
But I've gin it all up; and its plain to b'
Joe'n never be no thin, less Bill is guardeen.'
& The Judge sat awhile. with PARKWAY look
Then took up his docket and wrote in thu
book.
q i've found this question unusually hard.
q 1t is which should be guardian, which shoulC
be ward.
/ shall give the appointment to William,
But the chances are, Heaven will revers
the Decree
Il Wendell P. Stafford, in Green Bag.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1894-07-19

SANITARY PLUMBING, TIN AND SHEET IRON WORK,
and Job Shop Connected with the Store Experienced
workmen employed and jobs done promptly.
speciality made of Furnace Hot Water and Steam
Heating. Plans, specifications and estimates made
for all such work. Parties contemplating putting in
heating apparatus will do we'll consult with the
undersigned.