Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-06-11
JUST FOR FUN.


not SO big fool as you think. She
Goodness! hope not.
A little boy was asked what tn.
Sunday school text was. He answered
Many are cold but few are frozen.
Doctor-My good women, does your
son always stutter? Mother-Not al
ways, sir. Only when he attempts te
talk.
Father Well, young man, I under
stand, then, that you love my daugh-
ter? Nervous Youth-N-n-n-n sir;
wish to marry her.
Judge Have you anything to offer
the court before sentence is passed?
Prisoner-No, your honor. My law
yer took my last shilling.
Teacher-What Ingredient which is
highly essential in the composition of
the human body does sugar possess?
Pupils together)-Sand!
Jack-I have confession to make,
and you shall be my priest. I-I-love
you. Jess-I forgive you freely; but
priests don't marry, you know.
Why is it that the English stand for
Office instead of running for it. Eng
land is very small country. L sup
pose there is standing room only.
''This makes the fourth letter you've
had from your wife this week. Now,
what in creation can she have to write
about?" Husband (sadly)-Money.
A young man in Carmel, Me-, took
his girl for a sleigh ride. She fell out,
and he drove a mile before noticing
it. He must have been one armed
man.
''I wish,'' said the rural editor, as
he looked at the waste basket, "there
was some way by which [ could trade
off bushel of poetry for a peck of
potatoes"
Mrs. Elderleigh-Do you love your
teacher, Johnny! Johnny-Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Elderleigh-Why do you love
her? Johnny-Cause the bible says
we're to love our enemies.
"You may have one wish,' cried
the good fairy, suddenly appearing,
land it shall be granted. "Well," re-
turned the man, 81 wish that L may
have everything l want"
Mamma (to Johnny, who has fallen
on the sidewalk)-There, Johnny,
don't cry; be little man. Johnny
And say things that pa does when
hurts him?
Train Robber-Come shell out! Ru-
.al minister (sadly)-If 1 had such en-
ergetic fellows as you to pass the
plate now and then, l might have
to give you.
One of the old timers remarked to
Is the other evening "that know all |
riend of his knew everything but one
hing and that was, he didn't know
low much he didn't know.'
Chow beautifully Mrs. Bankbill ex-
PRESSED herself in her address before
he club. Were the thoughts her very
'wn, do you think?" Mrs. Catchley-
)h, dear, yes She paid ten dollars
or them.
Miss Twilling-That's such q pretty
uit you have on, Mr.. Galloway. Cal
fine enough to be
carried in isn't it? Miss Twilling-
-es. But it won't be if you wait
luch longer.
"I've been looking for my husband
Or the last two hours" said an agi-
ated woman to calm one. "Don't
ct excited, madam, replied the lat
sr. I've been looking for husband
II the last Is years."
"What is your line Of business?"
hispered the editor to the man he
as about to introduce to the nothern
capitalists. 81 hauls furniture" husk
Y came the reply. "Here, gentle
en-" continued the editor, els Mr..
,nes, one of the moving spirits of
II city"
Mike Donovon, when he visited the
'metery, noticed on tombstone the
flowing inscription; "Sacred to the
emory of lawyer and an honest
an" "By the powers" said Mike,
hats a strange custom to bury two
en- in one gravel"
Employer Ito clerk)-I hear you've
st got married, Bunkle, and Pm sure J
III can't support wife on the salary
u're receiving. Clerk Goyfully, ex-
'cting a raise)-No, sir, I don't see
w I can. Employer what l +
ought, so you'd better leave.