The record-union., 1894-04-28
JOKERS' COMBINE.

1t is the boarding-house chicken that
has a really tough time of it.-Butfalo
Courier.
If you will notice, the experienced
waiter is seldom upset, no matter how
big tip he gets.-Butfalo Courier.
Best is the man who has music in his
soul, except him who walks up the
church aisle W ith creaking shoes.-Lowell
Courier.
Ordinary beer is sold by the barrel,
but book, Notwithstanding its goat en-
blem, is not disposed of by the butt
Philadelphia Times.
Judge-W ell doctor, what is the condi-
ton of the burglars victim? Doctor
One of his wounds is absolutely fatal, but
the other two are not dangerous and can
be healed. .-Fliegende Blaetter.
"Aack and alas % the statesman cried.
my fate bitterly rue;
Ther'd have been no suit for marriage
If, instead of taking q carriage
We'd gone down the street
Upon the seat
OF "a bicycle built for two"
indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Groganey Gndignantly)-You
goat have been eatin' Shamus' washin'
off the line. Mrs. O'Riarty with ire)-
The poor craychur An it's payin' for it
you'll. be if he dies.-Chichago Record.
DaQ
habits we put upon other ople.-Boston
Transcript.
A shade to be much worn this spring is
called invisible blue" This is direct
slap at the police eforce.-Chicago News.
Fine feathers may fail sometimes to
make fine birds, but they can be de-
pended on for bill at least-Chicago
Inter-Ocean.
Despite the great amount of talk pro
and con about wages the coal-digger's s
pay is, after all. only a miner considera-
tion.-Buffalo Courier.
Coxey says he will ''stop at nothing to
accomplish his ends" But he seems to
be stopping at all the best hotels along
the route onkers Statesman.
Lemon-colored hair is promised as a
new fad among London beauties, many
of whom have already adopted it. 1t
may be classed among the lemon aids to
Observation-Disclosures Ledger.
Few people can stand prosperity; but
they are legion compared with the people
who never have chance to stand it,
Puck.
Rich Aunt-1t seems to me as if you
only came when you needed money.
Poor Nephew-But [ can't come oftener.
Halo.
Hotel Proprietor-We don't allow any
games of chance here. ambler-This is
no game of chance. My friend here has
no chance.-Brookly Life.
Clara-What are you reading now ?
Dora-Historical novels. 'Do you like
them?u Eyes, indeed. There is so
much | can skip."-New York Weekly.
Haven't you made Mr.. Bulger's por-
trait a good deal more than life size p"
said one artist to another. Perhaps.
You see, that's as big as he thinks he is.'
Washington Star.
Professor of Chemistry Gentlemen, 1
hold in my hand phial of soda. What
chemical shall comb bine with it to pro-
duce a valuable article of commerce {?
Goodsby waking up)-Brandy Tit
Bits.
Mrs. Rittenhouse Biddleblood (of the
Daughters of the Revolutionu)-Yo
wish to become member of the
Daughters ofthe Revolution': upon what
do you base your right to membership
Applicant was born in Brazil.-PhiIa-
delphi1 Record.
Mr.. De Broker-Well, my son, how did
you and the boys come out on your pea
nut speculation. Small Son-When we
got through, owed the other boys fifty
cents. Hump "Oh. it's all right now.
We reorganized." "Eh ?" .sYes. I
capitalized at one dollar, gave the other
boys half the stock for their debt, and
sold them the other halt. So now they
owe me fifty cents."-Street & Smiths
Good News.