Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-07-22


all the most tractable pie I have ever
seea. The sincerity Of Its purpose cannot
be questioned. 1t sticks by you through
thick and thin. The pie we had to-day
had n rich olive complexion, such as
one sees in Italian beauties. and when |
forked II there was no disturbance what
ever
The "biled" shirt I wore on the night
| first made the grand entree into the
dInlng-rOoms was nothing IA comparison
TO the table linen. Such immaculate
whiteness is appalling. and my new teeth
that / recently purchased are nothing In
comparison to it. The napkins would put
a Chinese laundryman 10 Il blush. Jhey
are a heap too nice to use, and look so
dainty that / hate TO touch them. Here
| tofore / have brushed the pie-crnst from
| my lips with a piece of the Dispatch but
next Sunday I'm going 10 try 4 napkin
Every body else does IL, and as I'm strug-
| Cling awfuly hard TO be -in good form,
| ! suppose | must initiate those around me.
| | am endeavoring to create the impression
| that | am rich. and that | move in good
| society in Richmond. Everybody here
moves In good society, when they are
away from here. In polite conversat Ons
! frequently make illusions to my la
mented great-grandfather United states
| Senator Sugartip, and casually / speak of
| the immense fortune he left. Hes the
| old chap | was telling you about-the
| old duffer who was hanged for horse
| stealing. OF course. he WASH In the
| Senate for he never travelled out of
| Hanover county, but / know none OF his
| contemporaries are apt TO contradict me,
| and besides, people think so much of
|
| know from the present situation in Wash
| ington that nobody kin TO a senator never
| stained his hands with work.
| ! did not look particularly sweet the
| day | got here-,or rather, i don't thlnk
| | did-though ! may be mistaken. My
| natural beauty was concealed beneath a
| carboniferous stratum, and there were
| rich coal veins in my intellectual Tore
head, and a large appetite in the neigh-
! borhood of my watchpOcket. The lovely
| little hotel Il say little because I'm used
TO living In a house with 300 cells-rooms
| ! mean-in iD is quite near the railroad
| track, and one has to reach the hosiery
| Ly picturesque bridge unless he Is a
| kangaroo and can jump over the inter
| Nenng valley. on this porch were seated
| Il legion of summer girls, who had just
| devoured a machine agent and also an
| other youth who wore duck trousers.
| Yes, had to pass by the whole kit-anG-
| kaboodle OF this scrutinizing mass OF
| excited femininity, and could near
voices whispering "A man! "A real
| man." "a live man." "A horrid man.
| and all such as that ! shyered in your
| borrowed boots. dear editor. and trem-
| bled beneath my carbOniferous stratum
like an aspen swayed by a breeze. Then
/ "a iq
| here to tell my wife what l was doing.
| Gathering up my carpet-bag, my white
| cotton umbrella, my galoshes. and the
| silk hat my grandfather Willed me when
he died in 1861, | plunged across that
| bridge with a grim desperation only
eaualled by the late Horatius Coolies,
when he stood beneath the electric-lght
| on the suspension bridge across the Tber
over 200 years ago and with sand-baS
| demanded toll of the invading host VINO
| wanted TO make Rome howl Nhen l
made the mad plunge | felt "all over III
spots" just as a leopard does. and never
glancing to the right or left. l sazed
| heavenward with degree of studiousness
| which must have created the impression
that / was an astronomer oh! what a
| delicious, cooling, champagne sensation
| il was when | was rescued by the ONCE
| clerk and coaXcd TO sign my name on
| the register and to promissory note
| pledeing myself to pay my board at the
end Of every week. After supper l weish-
ed and found that | had increased my
avoirdupois by seven drains 0here Is
| bar-roOm some where In this neiShbor-
hood. To quote the language Of our
national poet. Bill Nye. IL now weigh 2lo
pounds and look like a Brownie
The summer girls here are not like other
summer girls. They are so sweet that
l firmly believe that all the saccharine-
juice of the Louisiana sugar-cane fields
has been jammed into them by cotton
compress. They are in for anything. and
most of them regard men as human
beings. one even believes that men ought
TO be allowed to vote. She is sick. how
ever, and may die-that is to say. she has
my permission to die, II she feels so in
clined. And then the girls here are SO
plucky, too. We had a shooting match
the other day and one dear little black
eyed thing actually had the temerity 10
let one of the gentlemen shoot poppy
off her hat. The scorer made the gunner
stand off at - yards. and at the proper
time simply said Pop away"-a most ap-
propriate remark considering the nature
of the conservatory on the aforesaid pie
| OF ntuu-Et W neU t1e TlitlIldh Idl4ti
his piece my heart was in my mouth. and
| subsequently had TO get a doctor TO put
il back in its proper place. Yes. every
body held his breath 0he gentlemen also
held the ladies' breath, when this
modern William Tell cooked the weapon
and prepared TO blaze away. Bang. went
the rifle, loudly echoing through the misty
valleys, and through the slopes OF the
hazy-hillOcks aud Veled mOuntain-sides
off came the poppy. and loudly rose the
shouts of appreciation. The heroine
maiden. who so bravely allowed this won
derful but dangerous feat of marksman-
ship is a Richmond girl. and a pretty
Richmond girl. too: 'mais celia va sans
dire"
forgot to state. however. that the
hat was not on her head when the shoot
ing occurred. She was in her room al
the time, and gave her consent TO the
oneration by calling down from the third
story window. The headgear was on the
side of the barn. There were no horses
In the barn. This shooting episode has
bean the talk of the place.
Won know / told you that / was goinG
to take a most elaborate wardrobe with
me when came up here | did. | packed
NV trunk right full OF my wardrobe-ar
| oporation Whicn seems almost as inpoSsi
HE as.the feat performed by the Irishmar
who let the pig drink a bucketful OF but
termiIk, and then put the pig in the
bucket. But l nsver could pack trunk
I brought thirty-seven cravats with ms
and forgot my collars. II ! hadn't hap
pened 60 nave been wearing trousers th'
day I got up here l don't know what
would have done for i forgot all th'
others intended to bring with me. TIT
night we have the german up here In
going 10 borrow the head-waiters dress
suit.
Don't mention anything ] say about tn
ladies' I'm this letter 10 the home folks
Tbey may not like II. I'm going 4
"Iover's Retreat this evening with a l6
year-old OF the 2:io class, who is A veri
table "ousen OF the turf" Tomorrow
Pm going horseback riding with Governo
O'FerralI (who is. of course. the hero o
i the day). and l expect TO have nne
exciting time. have ordered that m.
remains be sent to "Seven-ieven." Peni
tsntisrx Terrace. Ash Dunn Richmond