Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1894-10-21

ing the dead 81 that time was suddenly
| interrupted 10 his work by an eXclama-
ton OF horror from the officer whose
duty il was 20 superintend tho opera
/ ton, and who Indignantly affirmed that
one OF the bodies just consigned to the
earth still breathsd.
" That shows how little you are In
the habit Of doing this, coolly rstorted
the gravedigger. III you were TO pay
attention TO all they say, there wouldn't
be a single dead man among them.
| Laughter.
Or YOU could, Oh the other hand, sftor
the company had been laughing hearth
" over something that you had said,
for instance, say:
"Why, we are rather wild to-day, are
We not?"
And then, before any one could speak,
for that would spoil all, you might say:
"And speaking OF wild recalls An incl
dent regarding Oscar Wilde when in
this country. He went into a very swell
restaurant in Milwaukee, and ordering
large bouquet OF English violets he
buried his nose In them, took long
draft of their delicious perfume, snd
with a look OF delirious joy murmured,
y have dined,' paid his bill and went
out.
- largs, wide German sat near by
and watched the aesthetic perform ance.
lie called the waiter 20 him, order ed 8
big hunk OF limberger, took good,
long inhalation OF it, rose aud said, i
also hai mittag gehabeu,' paid his bill
and passed out"
Or, should you be present when reli-
giouS questions are under discussion,
YOU could gradually arrange the follow
ing programme: well, regarding var
ious beliefs, I must say that they all
hinge upon the Que great question OF
rewards and punishmentS in future
state Now, for one, l am believer IN
rewards and punishments in a future
state. Now for on, l am believer in
rewards and puniShments through this
life, and that everything has been so
arranged as to carry out this idea, even
the animal kingdom aiding in this great
plan.
For instance, once knew fresh
lieutenant on the frontier who was sent
there right from West Point, and the
prospects OF promotion in his regiment
was extremely poor, for all his superior
officers were in excellent health, aud
there was no Indian war on the hOri-
ZOn.
"One day he was hunting in the foot
hills when be found near lonely spring
a tremendous grizzly bear, with stone
bruise on his heel. The animal was in
,aH -, no1 70 2 "a
lieutenant for aid. He was a tender
hearted Young fellow, and so be took
from his saddlebag 8 bottle Of witch
hazel bathed the poor not foot with il,
aud pasting yard OF court plaster
over II strOked the whiskers Of the bear
kindly, and lifting his forage cap 10 the
animal rode away.
"Inside OF six months the grateful
grizzly had improved his opportunities
10 that extent that he had wiped out
the young mans superiorS In the regi-
msnt, having eaten the colonel tirst, and
gradually removed, one by one, all OBJ
stacles TO the lieutenantS promotion
You will, IL you tell this well, be in
vited to come aud dine again at the
same place.
j was
Estells, RoSebank. S. L-You did
wrong aud will not be asked again, ]
fear. You should have had sense
enough TO know without writing TO me
about 10. I cannot be az your elbow
every moment pumping etiquette into
your empty noodle. Doubtless il was a
dolly that YOU used with such freedom,
not handkerchief. Don't they have
doilies vet on Staten Island, or were
yoar family from Jersey street9 Posi-
bly, your early life was spent in back
Of Llnoleumville, where people go on
sunday with their lunches 70 commit
suicide and such things Some one
would make money OutNf you, EStelie,
by putting a neat title ilvsr ring In
your nose, and With(a cuts\silver chain
lead you around dinnsA PARTIES to
show people what yoA could u Guests
IiSoId feed you uadsF the table ROW