The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-08-20
MOBILES LUCK.
How His Feast Came to
a Bad Ending.
EVERAL VERY FOUL BLOWS
Aimed at the Host, Who Was
Much Imposed Upon
BYA COLoRED GENTLEMAN COOK
The Ill Luck That BefelI an Able
Seaman Who Wanted to do
the Right Thing.

The generous William Wobbles, late of
the ancient wafShip Marion, having served
= on divers and sundry occasions IN the
United States navy and recently dis
charged after an honorable term of service
on the Marion, decided TO celebrate the
anniversary OF bis patriotic career before
the mast a2d the bar by inviting a number
Of friends 10 a chicken dinner.
That the dinner party might not be far
removed from the salt breeZes Of the bay,
and that The shadows Of ships spars and
hull might shade the banquet-table and
incite "reminiscences Of bygone happy
days a1oat, Mr.. Wobbes chose a water
front restaurant wherein to dine his guests.
1t was the same restaurant in which the
proprietor few days previous had enter
tanned the son of Vanderbilt unawares. 50
he thought. 1t is clean of floor and per
meated with the tempting aroma of the
juicy cOTHed beef and the tender but TOO
fragrant cabbage.
Fowl, seq !, explained Mr.. Wobbss
when questioned about his feast. 81 or
uered fowl. for the bows hadn't seen hide
nor hair OF q hen for six years.
Fowl? SEE he, iuquiringly; i don't
know Just what sort OF fowl you want. |
got hen or two, and a rooster outside,
and just put the coon onto 'em. and we'll
nave as fine meal of chicken as ever you
put between your teeth.
THE coon" was delighted to secure a
fat hen from the roost and roast it in
quick oven.
= "Pn just lake dat ole hen OATS been
tryIn' to hatch out chickens from soda
water bottle" said the dark gen .leman.
Mr..WnIiam Wobbles aad his friends,
Ear 4 E
dinner. Mr.. WobbeS had worked up his
COMPANIONS TO such a degree that they
were almost starved TO death. One OF
them had been TO sea for a years voyage,
had Just returned and was filed with great
joy al the prospect Of something real nice
TO eat.
FIRST came sOuD-nice vegetable soup.
with carrots, beans. horseradish and
bOQgna-sauSage in it, and all the other
vegetables" known 10 the waterfront
chez
- Then came shrimp salad and a nice big
piece of boiled salmon. all of which was
slowed away below and wet down with
old Scotch and the like. Then came the
chicken.
Mir. Wobbles triced up his martngale
with a handkerchief. reduced sail by
taking off his coat and called majestically
for carver and fork.
. Wasn't she brown and juicy looking,
though? But then there was queer look
forward shat was not natural about the
fowl.
Pretty sharp-featured bird, this, re-
marked Mr.. Wobbles in an off hand
manner
"You's bsen tryin' to chew up grind
stone." said the colored gentleman cook
without a smile.
Has he been long on the front?" quer-
led Mr. WObbes. sharpening the carver
like man slushing down a mast.
Nope, not very" replied the sable art
ist.
Mr.. Wobbles then proceeded to carve.
His comrades were filled with admiration
for their host. and wanted to see how he
cut the bird up. They had partly risen
from their seats and forced their noses
toward The dish Of bird.
Mr.. WObbles cut; no impression. Nr.
Mobiles sIashed; still no impression. He
got on top of his chair. leaned over the
fowl and made a jab at the breast-bone
and broke through. Then he tried to get
the knife out and could not. He lifted
the bird in the air, spun il around TWO or
three times, fijnging gravy into the eyes of
his friend on his right. but still the knife
would not get loose. In a fit of despera-
ton he placed his knee against the
chicken, nut the carcass on chair, and,
. using both hands. extracted the carver.
Steward" cried Mr.. Wobbles, wiping
the Presentation from his brow, please
=
Mr.. Wobbes removed his vest aud tried
again. Success was his and he passed
around several sections of the roast and
order was restored.
But sorrow overlook the feast of Wob-
hles-the chicken could not be masticated
One able seaman lost a front tooth trying
to separate flesh from an angular section
Of breast, and another, after getting hold
ola piece of meat, cheTed 10 minutes and
20 seconds without any material effect Oh
the substance he tried to digest
The Grst tar became convinced that he
had been made the victim of practical
Joke and with one fell swnnD of a chunk
of drums,ick he laid Mr. Wobbles low
WObbles rose, seized a dish of mashed
p0t0toes and decorated his comrades un-
covered Uranium with it. lie, in turn. was
Drained with an empty beer bottle while
the third man of the party hit the cook in
eye Will wad of stuffing.
And this is how WOObles' dinner party
broke up. The other day curious long
shoreman, who happened to notice the
culored steward nursing his optic in front
of the BiIgewater ch0phouse, asked how
il all occurred
"Oh. dars muffin to TELL" quoth the dark
citizen. Oars muffin to tell. You see
| looked all ObeT for der chicken dot was a
trying to hatch chicks out OBJ d sody bot
tie and couldn't find her. Der old mans
pet Central American buZZard was hon
pen around almost ready to croak, so | seq.
'Pll fix you and Pll fix Wobbes,' and yer
bet did"
What did WObbles get for all the money
be spent on the feast" asked the long
shoreman.
Twenty dollahs or twenty days." re-
piled the black scoundrel
1t was afterward learned that on the
night prior TO Nr Wobbles' visit several
relatives of the colored gentleman had
paid visit 10 the Bilgewater chophouse' S
henrOost. No arrests were made.
Again We have had an example Of the
truth OF the saying that justice often mis-
carries.