davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25


Things go by contraries in China. we're told.
We'd like to be there for a day.
We're weary of writing of incidents old
That occur in the same prosy way.
There the kind servant girl she explodes, we
presume,
And blows up the kerosene can,
While the mule is kicked into a midnight of
gloom
By the hoof of the meek hired man.
The buzzsaw rubs up against some one to SEE
If he's really and truly alive,
And is all mangled up to such degree
That 1t can't for moment survive.
There sons all are staid, sober, earnest young
men,
With giddy and profiigate pas.
And husbands find wives who can bake Aow
and then
A cake quite as good as their mas.
The old, wayback farmer comes into the town
With a strange deck of cards in his sleeves,
And falls on the sharpers and does them up
brown,
As their pockets of cash he relieves.
The gun which so often brings sorrow and woe
Because it has strangely exploded
Is blown out of sight, since IL really don't know
That the man whom it fools with Is loaded.
In China our jokers could take their old Jokes,
And turning them t'other end to
Might work them all off on susceptible folks
As something entirely new.
The reason there's nothing fresh under the sun
In the newspaper columns today
Is because everything that may happen In done
In precisely the old fashioned way.
NIXON Waterman in Chicago Journal
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25
HE GOT 1T.
Story Of Faithful Servant Who Obeyed
Orders.

Orders.
There is a man in this town who has a
male servant who Is more faithful than any
dog that was ever born. He never questions
an order. If the man was TO tell him to
walk down to the foot of Main street and
jump off dock, he would do the walking
and the jumping with simple and unques-
tioning faith.
The other day friend of the man came
into his office and asked the man to lend
him his servant for short time. The
friend wanted a package which he had left
tt his house. The package was too valua-
Die to intrust to messenger boy, and he
was too busy to go after it himself. The
man loaned the servant, and the friend gave
him these instructions: Now, John, want
you to go up to my house and walk right
up the front steps. The door will be open,
| and you 20 right up stairs. You go in, and
you will find big package on my dresser.
That's the package want, and If you get
back in an hour will give you dollar"
The male servant listened attentively
and said that he understood his instruc-
tions. He hustled out and in less than an
hour returned with the package. He was
| not in very good shape. His face was bruised,
and his coat was torn. One of his eyes was,
blackened, and the skin was off the knuc-
kles of his right hand.
"Holy Moses, Johnl" exclaimed his en-
ployer. what have you been doingf"
Been in fight" replied John grimly.
with whom"
Fellow up at that mans house."
what were you fighting about?"
why" said John in the most matter of
fact way, "he didn't want me to walk up
the front steps. They had just been paint
ed"
We'll, why did you walk up them them"
John looked reproachfully at his employ
er. Didn't he tell me to go up the front
steps for that packagei" he asked.
Eyes, butt
"They hain't no but about it. He told
me to go up them front steps, and went
up 'em, paint or no paint. had to fight
the coachman, but went up"
He seems to have given you a pretty
hard fight" ventured the employer
"Huhp' shifted John contemptuously. 1T
wasn't patch on the one the housekeeper
and the chambermaid gimme"
The man began to get alarmed. do you
mean 10 say you fought everybody in that
house?" he asked severely.
Il dunno" replied John gravely. II lick
ed the coachman, and the housekeeper, and
the chambermaid, and the cook If they
was anybody else, didn't have no truck
with them. But" he added triumphantly,
Il got the package, and done what was
told, and Phi go back and lick the rest of
the folks if you say so."-Buffalo Express.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

The organizer of an arctic expedition was
approached by delicate looking fellow
who wanted to join the party.
'You don't look as if you could stand
it," ventured the organizer.
you'll find me kind of singed cat
fellow" he replied confidently.
Have you ever been in the arctic re-
gions?"
mo, not exactly"
Have you had any experience in that
line at alls"
The applicant got brace on himself.
WELL" he responded, II should say I
had. was engaged for two years TO Bos.
ton girl" And the organizer accepted that
as recommendation Free Press.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25
PAINS AND ACHES.

We all have pains and aches, but they
needn't last long-not any longer than II
takes to put on an ALLcocK's PoRous PLAs-
TER. The only thing to look out for is that
you get the right plaster, for when you need
aplaster you need it, and there is no time for
experimenting and finding out mistakes
then. Ask for ALLcoCK's Porous PLAsTERs
and see that you get them. If they say
that some other is just as good, tell them
that only the best Is good enough for you.
ALLcocK's Porous PLAsTEks are quick and
ical authorities to be the best outside rem
edy for pains and aches of every descrip-
ton.
BRANDRETH's PILLS invigorate the diges-
ton.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25
Willing to Kick.

The major was telling how he had won
battles which others had claimed the glory
of when suddenly one of his hearers said
Il saw man yesterday who would give the
world to kick you"
kick mel" shouted the major II de.
mand his name. STRIP
well, if you insist ON knowing-but,
mark you, major, it must go no further
the man was old Sergeant Billy Waters Of
the First artillery, who lost both his legs
by the explosion of shell. Faith, he'd
give all he has or hopes to have to be able
to kick any body. "-London Tit-Bits
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25
Took Big Chances for Twenty-Five Dollar,

Took Big Chances for Twenty five Dollars.
A Captain Blondell at Oxford, Ala,
offered twenty-five dollars to any one
who would get into boat and allow it
to be blown up with dynamite SO that
Blondell might show his lifesaving
methods. A young man named Nicely
accepted the offer and was blown about
forty feet into the air unhurt, but on his
return to the waters surface he alighted
on the fragments of the wreck and re-
ceived a fractured leg and other injuries
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25
In Training.

And what is your youngest son doingi"
He's preparing himself to teach school in
Idaho" replied the young mans mother.
Hes quite busy with his books then"
mo. He has given up his books and
spends most of his time in the gymnasium
and at the shooting gallery. "-Washington
Star.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for
any case of catarrh that cannot be cured by
Hall Catarrh Cure.
f.. CHENEY d CO., Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known f. j. Che
ney for the last fifteen years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transactions
and financially able to carry ont any obligation
made by their firLh. WEST & TRUAX
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
WALDING, KINNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
directly Upon the blood and mucous surfaces OF
the system. Price, 70 cents per bottle. Sold by
all druggists. Testimonials free.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

Students, teachers (male or female), clergy
men and others in need of change of employ
ment should not fail to write to B. F Johnson &
Co., Richmond, Va. Their great success shows
that they have got the true ideas about making
money They can show you how to employ odd
hours proftably.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

First Blind Man-How are you feeling to-
day, Tomf
Second Blind Man-Out of sight.-Hallo.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25
Use Enameline stove Polish; no dust NO sme]

Guard yourself for summer malaria tired
FEELING, by using now Oregon Blood Purifier.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

Fred.Cheer upi You may win her yet. Ar
thur-No; there's no chance for me. Why, she
even refuses to go to the theater with me.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

Carson-Seeing is believing. Volkes Non
sense. see Wetherell every day and wouldn't
believe him on his oath.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

Throat diseases commence with cough,
cold or sore throat. "Bropn's Bronchial
Troches" give immediate relief. Sold oniy
in bores. Price, % cents.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25
HOw's THIse

lis Smarter ju It right in saying that he peaks
french without any noticeable accentf" Eyes,
Indeed. Without even French accent"
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

Dfbbs-Swelton says he isn't afraid OF work
Successfully should he be? He never got near
enough to any to find out how he'd feel
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

He-Will you love me if give up all my
bad habits?
She (protesting)-But George. how could
you expect me to love perfect strangerf-
| Tit-Bits
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

shortened It also promotes the secretion OF
an abundance of nourishment for the child
Mrs. DORA A. GUTHRIE, of Oakley, Operton
Co., Tenn, writes: when ! began taking
your 'Favorite Prescription was not able
to stand on my feet without suffering almost
cooking, sewing and everything for my family
of eight. / am stouter now than i have been
in six years. Your Favorite Prescription is
1t proved SO with me. l never suffered as little
with any of my children as did with my last,
and she is the healthiest we've got. Have in
duced several to try Favorite Prescription
and it has proved good for them"
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25

Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys-
tenn effectually, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy of its kind ever pro-
duced, pleasing to the taste and &C
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in SOC
and 81 bottles by all leading drug
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro-
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. DO not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA re SYRUP Co.
SAN FRANCISCO, CAL.
LOUISVILLE. KY NEW Y0Rx. N.Y.
Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1894-05-25
NOTIFIED .

and those soon to be-
come mothers, should
know that Doctor
Pierce's Favorite Pre-
scription robs child
birth of its tortures,
! terrors and dangers
to both mother and
child, by aiding nat
ure in preparing the
system for par
] turition. Thereby
/" labor" and the
period of confine-
ment are greatly
49,. Az. 1A-~N.~w. -
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
SUNDAY Ar RELIGIOUS DAY.

It's true the first day Of tue week Il re-
ligioUs day, as II Is IA day of rest, and Of clc-
waited social enjoyment The whole history
90 IN from the beginning shows Il
10 have been intended 10y its der 10 be 4
day Tor the care of the sou ,he body
was resting, u day To- be- dey To WORSHIP
and acts of service to God humanity.
Tho Christian sabbath b. a commcmora
tiun oi the rising Of chr from the dead
and of course lie ought avra prominence,
in the mind on that la, ,- much a. Wash.
ington has when W. eel rate his birthday.
such an observanr" II tn day In public
wor'mp and priNitr u ought and devotion
will not Interfere with rest, or with "a keen
ENJOYMENT Oi family and kind red
SUNDAY breaks into tho busy week with H.
quictnc-- "a leisure" ~ if on purpose o. In.
cline ~ 90 think on our relations 10 God and
the % her lille. and make that preparation
which Is necessary for higher and nohrr
state.
II Christ rose on sunday. a host II que.
tions gather around this went to every
thoughtiul mind Why lid lie lcaya heaven
for earth: What Wa his rharactcry- what
did be- say snd do3 Why di hr rdicy Whore
Is he now! Have | any obligations to himg
What ARE my relat un~ 10 him
II Ec Is a saviour has hr saved mo? Will
hc save me? How can secure sulyatiung
II saved, how can show ny gratitude How
can | serve HIM?
The Bible Is the best book for sunday
No book 50 stir' the intellect, or powerfully
addresses the heart IL IL the great source ot
knowledge ON what pertains to the soul and
it, destiuies. II Is an unialiug story book
for the children. They never tire Of It's delight.
iu narratives
The religious observance OF SUNDAY l. in
timately connected with Intelligence and
good morals in the individual and In society.
Far distant be- the time when it, hulluwcd
light shall cease 10 draw our Thoughts TO tho
spiritual and unseen. Sad will bc tho day
when 1t i turned aside from its legitimate
and heaycn-born uses.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
cAuLYLE's CURE ron pounr.

Tho following letter, wittcn in 1865, by
Ihomas carlyle 10 II doubling young Lady
who hai sought advice. was rad by Mr..
Moncuro y. Conway ut South Place
"DEAB loUSG LADY Your appeal 10 mo a.
very touching, and / am heartily sorry for
you. II | rould but hep all. Herein, u- in
many other cases, the 'paticut must minis
tor To hiMsolf' Were NuUr duties
never 81 small, / advise you, srt yourself
with double and treble energy uui pUUctg'
atty b DO them hour after hour. day
after day, In spite OF tho Devil, t,vth.
That II our one answer 10 all inward devils,
as they used To be called. THIS | rau 10, q
Devil nnd do II, thou seo,t IN the name oi
God.r'' " oro II but the moro perfect rrsu-
lation OF your apartments, tho sorting awayo'
your clothes and trinkets. tho arranging ~
your papers, Whatsoever thy hand nndeth to
do, do it with thy might aud all thy worth
and constancy. Much more, II your duties
are OF evidently higher, wider scope; II you
have brothers, sisters, father, mother,
weigh earnestly what claim does lie upon
you on bobalf Of each, and consider 1t as tho
one thing nsedful t2 pay them more and
What mattor how miserable ono Is II ono can
do that Westminster Gazette.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
lie Was Fed.

That old motto where there is a
viii there is a way" though now a
little out OF fashion, perhaps, and
somewhat exaggerated, as Is the case
with notices IN general, is still ex-
prcssive OF truth.
Writing OF old times at White Sui
phur Springs, Gen MauTy says there
were many complaints OF the fare at
the hotel. The digninel proprietor
used TO console his guests by remark.
ing that they really paid nothing for
their dinners, but only for the won.
derful sulphur water which he had
discovered.
one day in the height OF the sea
son, when the crowd was great and
the service scanty the people in the
dining room were startled by heart.
rcnding cries OF "Murder, Murder"
steward and servants rushed 10 the
victim, who ia answer 10 their eager
inquiries Informed them that he
could get nothing to eat, and was dy-
ing of starvation.
That young man was served well
and promptly as long as he remained.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25

returned from there, the long stock
ing Is doomed. Every one wears
socks. Boys and girls in short trous.
ers and skirts display waste of pink
hesh between the top uf the sock and
the bottom OF their garments There
Is OF course, not this same DISPLAY i'm
thc case Of the grown.up wearcrs OF
the sock, but there are sufficient
other disadvantages TO make up for
this.
The agonics OF the woman who IA
wearing these things for the first
time are untold. IT, in moment Of
absorption In other things she forgcts
the fact that she has discarded stock
ihgs, she is promptly recalled TO a
sense OF her loss by the keen discom-
Tort OF her feelings She cannot, for
an instant, remember what ls the
matter with her and the slckening
conviction that her garter has slipped
Is the first explanation that occurs to
her, Then she remembers and her
horror passes, but the discomfort re-
mains.
Of course, socks are chilly. or
course, they make the wcarer keenly
uncomfortable. She breads a windy
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
A MUTE WITS Ess.

A Lewiston man. who was policeman In
Mayor OF the city, In 1854. tells OF u man
whom no brought before Mayor Dow for
abusing his wife while drunk. The Mayor
ordered that the culprit bs brought before
him with his whisky bottle. He put the bot
tle on the table in the court room, and tho
prisoner nxed his eyes on II and admitted
that he had drank out OF IL. When the man
was sent up TO jail Mayor Dow took the bot
tls along himself and requested the turnkey
TO place the flask Just outside the cell door
where the prisoner conld see Il, and II stood
there two months. He begRei TO have tho
hottie broken or removed. Once, when tho
door was opened, he made dash with his
loot TO break II, hut did not succeed. When
that man was released he hated tho sight OF
q whisky bottle, aud never tasted a drop OF
liquor aiterward.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
rEMPRaASoE MINIS AND NOTES.

Alcoholism is sign OF natural desencra-
tion.
The Catholic Total Abstinence Union Of
the United States has 81, $50 members.
Last year New York paid for lts'school hill
$4,000 900 and for Its drink bin 800, 900, 900.
Cleveland church is placing water tanks
near saloons TO iniuro the liquor dealers
trade.
The late Sir Andrew CLARK, general ply
sician In the largest hospitals in London,
said that seven out OF every ten persons
there owed their III health to drink.
Total abstinence OF parents brings into
the family cheeriulness, thrift, cleanliness,
industry and all the natural virtues. Happy
the home in which both parents ars totHlab-
stainers.
The Pueblo Indians have resisted all at
tempts OF traders TO Introduce whisky and
playing cards into their midst. They arc
about the only tribe that hayo not a taste for
the "nrewator."
The salvation Army has already con-
tributed 250, 600 signatures TO the great poly
glot TO be presented to tho Governments OF
tho world 0y the heads OF the Women's Chris
tian Temperance Union.
Ifthree or five or more men are asleep In
room and one OF them is drunk, the lilies
will gather on the tipsy man aud avoid the
others. The reason ~ that Insects reyel In
the odor OF alcohol and sometimes get drunk
on Il.
II Is said that the thirst for drink can DO
stopped for time by drinking four or five
glasses oil water as much, In fact, rs tho
stomach will hold This IL worth trying
when tho thirst comes on, and q man feels as
II he must drink.
In the stomach OF the moderate drinking
man the veins nro swelled aud irrtute1. The
more man drinks the worse his stomach
grows, till at last II the man dies OF delirl.
um tremens, the stomach Is black and ioul
with ulcerous sores.
Drink must be either good or bad. II
good, We cannot get too much OF II II bad,
any at all Is too much. IL man wholly
drunk should DO shunneh, We should do
what we can to prevent him from getting
halt or quarter druuS.
The drunken father brings his wife and
children 10 poverty, he disgraces them. he
hinders his children from attending church
and school In aword, pauperism, Ignorance
and vice are the results OF drunkenness In che
father OF family IL the mother be q
drunkard. these evil results are Yet worse.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
cIANnE TWENTY YrAna

Twenty years ago II was often true that n
Young man who drank beer or wine, or even
whisky In mo icration might bo advanced 10
places OF greater trust and responsibility.
IL IL now scarcely possible. The habit IL
simply fatal TO success. I do not belleys
there Is single reputable business house. In
t''.ss.;Se ,.'Tn- vlf)ajyI 'v.asV ,r...sss "a
toxicants OF any kind has anything like n
chance for promotion. The taking OF a
single glass OF beer may, and often does.
mean losing tho chance OF lifetime
Brainy boys and young men ,teetotalers from
principle, nre plenty enough TO MI all tho
places In the line OF promotion. Inferior,
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
rIos AND rHIsTLEs.

The devil Is the father OF every doubt
A drunkard's throat mas no bottom 10 1t.
A loater is never satisfied with his wages.
II you are no bettss by giving, double your
gifts.
The man who hates the light Is always
afraid OF his own shadow.
The sermon fails that does not tell that
somebody Is God.
The easiest thing for fool to do Is to tell
how little he knows.
Nothing but sin ever made anybody doubt
the divinity Of Christ
As long as prlze-fighting pays so much bet
ter than preaching. the devil will feel that he
still owns the earth Rams Horn, Chicago.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25

after the pattern shown In the sketch,
the ends being turned over so as To
form spout-like arrangement.
The FIRST liquid which is poured
into the glass is cold black coffee well
swcetened After this the tunnels
are used. a like quantity of water
comes next, which is poured through
a funnel, the benIed edge OF which
IS held close 70 the edge OF the glass.
For the third clarct is used, olive oil
for the fourth, and alcohol last All
the liquids are poured in Is described
through the separate tunnels. Each
OF these liquids floats on ton ot tho
other, for each is specifically lighter
ia weight than the preceding one.
The liquids will remain In repose as
long rs the glass is not moved. Tho
secret lies in the careful pouring in
ot the liquids through the paper fun
nelS
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
TOTAL AnsrArSEn's REconp.

AShhy-ie-la-Zouch has a ccntenarinn nb-
stainer In the person OF Mr.. William Peplow,
VINO mas recently bcon celebrating his i00th
birthday. He has been "a total abstainer tor
no less than forty-scven years, Since he
signed the pledge he has always carried a
pl"dgc book In his pocket and has obtained
over 1000 pledges TO total abstinence. Ho
gave up smoking in 1914 Ho ha. had "A
family OF thirteen children, and has now
some grcat-grcat- grandchildren Tho Old
man Is well and hearty, and can write a
good, legihle hand without the use OF spec.
tacles. Scottish Reiormer.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
LIQUIDS IN EQUILIBRIUM.

'usly Coiored Liquids In Glass
Floating on Top or ono Another.
IL IL an interesting feat OF color
blending, which can be performed at
the dinner table, where usually all
the ingredients can be found. A
tall, narrow stem glass is the best.
Four tunnels ara made OF cardboard
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25

day a She would a dc,uge. A step TO a
carriage or from a train assumes a
proportion which horrincs her. But
she has the gratifying consciousness
that she Is wearing what fashion de-
mands, and that is sufficient to sus-
tain most women in almost any cmcr-
rCnCY.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-10-25
Kills MANS pEsr QUALITIES.

Tho Churchman snys "rha fount OF
love, pity and tenderness which springs In
the heart OF most human beings, IL, accord.
Ing TO vi. Le RouN, utterly wanting In tho
generation OF children who are springing up
In the homes OF drink and drunkennpss. He
makes this remark M the result OF long and
careful induction, and after deep and patient
study OF the classes from among whom these
abnormal creatures come"