Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

"Why in the world did Jack and
Amy get married."
"Just for joke, they said"
"And the joke was on whom?
ION themselves-both of them"
First Boy-"You're 'fraid to fight,
that's what" mo, | amt; but if
| fight you, my mother'll lick me-"
IHow will she find it out, eh?--
"She'll see the doctor goin' to your
house"
"Do you think, dear, that absence
makes the heart grow fonder?"
"Perhaps it does, love-" replied
the maiden. "You might remain
awav one whole evening and let us
test it. ."-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
Teacher-Now, Willie, if You
and your little sister buy ten peach
es and six of them are bad, how
many are left?
Willie-Two.
Teacher-Two?
Willie-Yes'm; me and my little
sister.
Papa-Well, Johnny, you went
to church this morning? Johnny
Yes, papa. Papa--How did you
like the sermon? Johnny-The
beginning was good, and the end
was good, but there was to much
middle to it, papa.-Boston Com
mercial.
II presume you funny men aim
to deal with questions of the hour,
do you not?"
"Oh, yes. calculate that there
have been written no less than 5000
jokes about the young man who
does not know when it is time for
him to 90 home"
BingoEI think | shall order a
trunk made for my wife to take to
the seaside this summer.
Kibgsley--Why don't you buy
one yeady made? They are just as
good.
Bingo--I am going to use this as
an annex to our cottage.-N. Y.
World.
Mrs. Wickwire-Did you read
about that man who has been mar
mied for the third time to the wom-
an he has been divorced from twice
already? Mr.. Wickwire-Yes.
Seems to me that man of that sort
ought to take some sort OF treat
ment for the habit.-Indianapolis
Journal.
The teacher of commercial col
lege was hearing the class in bank
ing recite and he called on pensive
looking fellow from an interior town.
whats the nature of a check"
he asked, "that makes it valuablep"
THE signature" responded the
pensive party, and the teacher want
ed to apologize.
Father-George, what time did
you get in last nightP
Son-A little after midnight.
Father-Where were you?
Son (guilelessly)-I attended a
bowling party.
Father-Well, George, when you
attend another, do the bowling in
the alley and not down your throat.
"What are you doing, Freddie?"
said the painfully smart boys uncle.
DRAWN pictures on my slate"
"What is this supposed to repre-
sent?"
"A locomotive"
But why don't you draw the
cars?"
"Why-er-the locomotive draws
the cars"
"Do you mean to tell me-" said
the soulful young woman, "that you
have never met the woman whose
presence and touch thrilled your
whole being in an utterly indescrib-
able manner?"
"Only once, said the weary young
man. 1T was when | was in the
hands of woman dentist. ."-Indi-
annapolis Journal.
Teacher-Give an example of the
truth of the motto, limited we
stand, divided we fall"
Johnny-I-I can't think of any,
ma am. / don't believe it's true
anyhow.
Teacher-What? Do you know
any case in which it is not true?
Johnny-Yes'm. A stepladder.
Chicago Tribune,
Johnson-I have been chosen as
arbitrator in the matter of those
labor troubles on the X. Y. & u.
road!
Tompson-Why, you are stock
holder in that road!
Johnson-That's just it. Every
body wanted disin terested party,
and the stockholders haven't re-
ceived dividend in fifteen years.
Puck.
A Bangor family recently engaged
cook who was quite an artist with
/ L. - xa@1