Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-12-24
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
Sprinkles of Spice.

N VI
sprinlsles of Spice.
Is IT proper to speak of those
horses which race by electric light as
nightmares?-Albany Argus.
MR.. OLDBoIE-I am self-made
man, sir. l began life as barefoot
boy. Kennard - Indeed. Well, /
wasn't born with shoes on, either
Truth.
CoRoNER-You swear positively
you were not to blame for the mans
death? DR.. Tyro (haughtily)-Cer-
tainly, sir; they did not call me soon
enough. Buffalo Courier.
GUEsT-Walter, bring two boiled
eggs. Waiter-Boss, couldn't you
take dem aigs poached? Hits been
found mo- satisfactory all roun' to
open dem aigs in the kitchen
Judge.
LITTLE GIRL-Do you ever dream
of being in heaven? Little Boy-No,
not exactly; but l dreamed once that
was right in the middle of a big
apple dumpling New York Tele-
gram.
GALL the worlds stage" quoted
one misanthrope. "Yes," replied an
other. "An' it's the same old story.
A lot of fellers that's cut out fer
Supers is tryin' ter star. Washing
ton Star.
GENT-"How came you to put your
hand in my pocket?" Pickpocket-
"Beg your parden. I am so absent
minded. had once pair of pants
just like those you are wearing?"-
Beilage.
ONE little girl in the slums-"Wot
yer say she died Off" The other one
Eating tuppenny ice on the top
of 'ot puddin'." The first mentioned
-"Lor what jolly death. ."-London
Tit Bits.
CHAPPIE (who has not been across)
-"My deah boy, youah boots aw in
howwible condition. Chollie (who
has)-"My deah fellow. that mud is
fwom the stweets of deah old Lun-
non. indianapolis Journal.
"How's ALL the folks up your
way?" well, mother amt so peart
now, Molly's got the measles, Johns
stove up with rheumatism, an Dicks
down with snake bite. When air you
a-comin' to see us?"-Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
JOHN: "Sallie, eff | was to ask you
if you'd marry me, do you think you'd
say yes?" Sallie: "I-er-guess so."
John: "Wa-al, eff ever git over this
ere darn bashfulness I'll ask you
some O. these times. "-Leslie's Illus
tratcd.
Mrs. GABB-"Yes, my daughter
appears to have married very happl-
ly. Her husband has not wealth, it
must be admitted, but he has fam.
ily." Mrs. Gadd-"Yes, l heard he
was widower with six Children
Harlem Life.
"PAPA," said Willie, "aren't you
'stravagant?" an what way, my
boy?" you spend 500 sending me
to school for year. Fifty dollars
would buy toys enough to keep me
going for two years. "-Harpers
Young People.
Il NEVER knew what it was to live
before, dearest" said Algernon, as
he kissed the tips Of his flancee's
fingers and then her lips. "And yet
you seem only to be living from hand
to mouth, replied dearest. "-Yonk.
ers Statesman.
ALLOW me, mademoselle, to pre-
sent this to YOU" "No, no, | do not
wish to accept present" at is a
volume Of my poems" "Ah, that is
different. l could not have per.
mitted you to give me anything of
value. boston Journal.
Lucy (single)-Do you think it is
wicked to smoke, dear? Fanny Omar
ried)-No, dear: I'm sure it isn't.
Lucy-Why are you so sure? Fanny
because my husband doesn't smoke,
and if it was wicked I'm sure he
would do it.-Half Holiday.
with what are you going to sur
prise your husband on his recovery
from his long illness?" with my
new hat. London Million.
Mrs. WIGGLEsTEIN: ado you know,
Jack, think l would like to learn
to play poker? 1t must be fascinat-
ing game. Mr.. Wigglestein: "Great
heavens, Ethel, don't think of it for
moment. We can't both afford to
play "-Somerville Journal.
"AND what kind of chin has she?"
she asked, as he paused in the mid
die Of an attempt at description OF
her features. "a movable one" said
he, after a moments sober thought.
And then he heaved a deep and pen.
sive sigh.-Somerville Journal.
HoJAcK: "My wife only writes TO
me once week while she is away"
Tomdick: "Mine writes regularly
three times week" Hojack: "She
must be very fond of you" Tom
dick: "She is; and then l only send
her money enough to last her two
days at time. "-Harper's Bazaar.
YoUNGLovE (to his tiancee)-But,
love, you surely don't mean to blame
me for giving farewell stag party
to my bachelor friends? The Adored
One-NO 7 shOuIdn't ohiect to ~ 80.