West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1894-03-08

The visitors came out, ahd ia was trying
to explain TO them abont Hoyle when one
OF the deacons stepped in the soap, and
his feet flew up, and he struck on his
pants and slid down the steps. The min
lister said: Great heavens, deacon. are
you hurt? Let me assist YOU and he
took two quick steps, and you have seen
these fellows in niger show that kick
each other head over heels and fall on
their ears and stand on their heads and
turn around like a top? The minister's
feet slipped, and the next saw he was
standing on his head in his hat, and his
legs were sort of wilted and fell limp by
his side, and he fell over on his stummiclk.
You talk about spreading the gospel in
heathen lands! 1t Is nothing to the way
you can spread it with two quarts of soft
soap. The minister didn't look pious q
bit. When he was trying to catch the
railing, he looked as though he wanted to
murder every man on earth, but it may
be he was tired.
well, Pa was paralyzed and he and
tho other deacon rushed out to pick up
the minister and the first old man, and
when they struck the step they went
kting. Pas feet somehow slipped back
wards, and he turned summersault
and struck full length on his back, and
one heel was across the minister's neck,
and he slid oown the steps, and the other
deacon fell all over tho other three. and
Pa svore at them, and it was the worst
looking lot of pious people / ever saw.
think IL the minister had been in the
WOODS somewhere where nobody could
have heard him he would have used lam
I.s.xs Il
other. The hired girl told Ma there was
three tramps out on the sidewalk fighl-
ing Pa, and Ma she took the broom and
started to h. ~ Pa, and tried to stop Ma.
cause her constitution is not very strong.
and didn't want her to 90 any flying
trapeze bizness, but couldn't stop her,
and she went out with the broom and q
towel tied around her head.
well. / don't know where ma did
strike, but when she came in she said
she had palpitation of the heart, but
that was not the place where she put the
arnica. Oh, but she did go through the
cir like bullet through cheese, and
when she went down the steps a-bump-
ity bump felt sorry for Ma. The min
lister had got so he could set up ON the
sidewalk, with his back against the lower
step, when Ma came sliding down, and
one of the heels of her CATERS hit the
minister in the hair, and the other foot
went right through between his arm and
his side, and the broom like to pushed his
teeth down his throat. But he was not
mad at Ma. As soon rs he see it was Ma
he said, why, sister, the wicked stand
In slippery places, don't theyY and Ma
a. w q ma cot1 lie b. IL
her stocking, and then Pa was mad, and
be said, Look here, you sky pilot. this
thing has gone far enough and then a DO
hceman came along, and first ne thought
they were all drunk, but he found they
were respectable, and he got chip and
Jcraped the soap off of them, and they
went home.
PA and Ma they got in the house some
way, and just then the letter carrier
came along, but he didn't have any let
ters for us. and he didn't come onto the
steps, and then l went mp stairs and said,
Pa, don't you think It Ia real mean after
you and fixed the soap on the steps for
the letter carrier he didn't come on the
step at alp and Pa was scrapinQ the soap
OF his pants with piece Of sningle, and
the hired girl was putting liniment on
Ma and heating it in for palpitation Of
the heart, and Pa said, You dam idiut,
mo- more Of this, or I'll maui the liver out
of you and ] asked him If he didn't
think soft soap would help mustache to
grow. and he picked mp Mas work bas-
ket and threw ii at my head as / went
down stairs, and came over him. Don't
you think my Pa Is unreasonable 20 get
mad at little joke that he planned him
SELF
The grocery man said he didn't know,
and the boy went ont with pair Of
skates over his shoulder. and the grocery
manis wondering what joke the boy will
play on him to get even for the cayenne
pepper.