The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1894-12-13
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
Mamma Ito Johnny, who has fallen
on the sidewalk)-There, Johnny, don't
cry; be little man. Johnny-And
say the things that pa does when any
thing hurts him?
ser man," said Uncle Eben, "dat
comes ter Wa-a-sh'nt'n lookin' fob
trouble is li'ble get is wish er heap
quicker dan de man who comes lookin'
fob office. Washington Star
Mrs. Homespun-"Why, Daniel. you
don't mean to say this picture was took
for you? 1t doesn't look bit like you.
Mr.. Homeopathic, but it looks just
as l felt when it was took.-Tran-
script.
Judge-Well, doctor, what is the
condition of the burglars victim
Doctor-One Of his wounds is absolute
ly fatal, but the other two are not dan
gerous, and can be healed. -Fliegende
Batter.
Who is it that says: 1t is worth
thousand pounds year to have the
habit of looking on the bright side of
things?' Chicago Standard. We say
SO. but DR.. Samuel Johnson has the
credit of saying it before we did. New
York Observer.
And Ethel Blushed-Tommy-Yes,
cats can see in the dark. and SO can
Ethel; cause when Mr.. Wright
walked into the parlor when she was
sittin' all alone in the dark, l heard
her say to him: why, Arthur, you
didn't get shaved today. Life.
rabbi, who is happier, the man
who owns million dollars or he who
has seven daughters The one who
has many daughters. Why so ?"
" He who has million dollars wishes
for more-the man who has seven
daughters does not. "-Fliegende Blat-
ter.
Teacher-Now do you see the differ
ence between animal instinct and
human reason? Bright Boy-Yes'm.
If we had instinct we'd know every
thing we needed to without learning
it, but we've got reason and have to
study ourselves mos blind or be fool.
Good News.
A Cincinnati man recently presented
his wife with piano lamp, which she
said she would call after him. On
asking her the reason, she replied:
well. dear, it has good deal of brass
about it, it is handsome to look at, it
is not remarkably brilliant, requires a
good deal Of attention, is sometimes
unsteady on its legs, liable to explode
when half-full, flares up occasionally,
is always out at bedtime and is bound
to smoke"
A Dropped Letter-New Yorriok,
Ameriky. Mein Tear Burdder-Come
to dis guntry. Come berwick. All
you hat to do is to zay yuo no promise
to work for anybody, und dey let's you
in. You is receivet wild open arms
Day feet you and glothe you und make
you 80 comfortable as you neffer was.
You netfer has to work. here except to
march now and den wild dose unem-
bloyed. Id vas grant. Zell out unit
bring all de volks. Your brudder, j.
Vonowski. Life.
In recent examination some boys
were asked to define certain words,
and to give sentence illustrating the
meaning. Here are a few: Frantic
means wild; l picked some frantic
flowers. Akimbo, with crook; had
a dog with an akmibo in his tail.
Athletic, strong; the vinegar was toe
athletic to USE Tandem, one behind
another; the boys sit tandem at school.
And then some single words are fun.
nily explained. Dust is mud with the
wet squeezed out; fins are fisehs'
wings; monkey, small boy with q
tail; stars are the moons eggs; circum-
ference is distance around the middle
Of the outside. Education Gazette.
The absent-minded man is at it again.
he had been reading the egg story, and
decided to try the trick. The first
thing to do was to boil the egg. How
many minutes? he asked himself, and
going to the stove with the egg in one
hand and his watch in the other, he
dropped the latter in the hot water.
Then placing the egg ON the table, he
sat downt read till the time was up.
At the end of five or six minutes he
was surprised to find the egg lying
there before him, but supposing that he
had himself taken it from the kettle
and cooled it he proceeded to crack and
peel it. The consequence may be i'm
agined. Finally he missed his watch
The house was searched high and
low. and it was not until the follow
ing morning that the cook found it in
the kettle, where it had been boiling
for hours. Exchange.
A "SMART" COUNTRY BOY.
The smart" city boy has countless