The herald., 1894-06-17
WHY NOT LET WOMEN PROPOSE?
Some Arguments in Favor of
Such a Course.
Reasons Why the Girl Should Not
Wait 10 Be Asked.
A Theory That tho Prevailing Methods
Of Oourtship Are All Wrong
and Should BE Re-
vorsed.

by LADY COOK NEE TENNESSEE cLAFLIN. ]
Marriage is like a voyage by seat
reveals character. 1t shows others what
manner OF men and women we are. So
Corydon may be the gontlest of swains,
and Phyllis the sweetest shepherdess
that ever carried crook, so long as
they meet to WOO and to be wooed; but
when they exchange their pastoral pur-
suits for homely housekeeping, the de-
fects of each are for the first time
exposed to the other. 1t is all very
well to sit on mossy bank
beneath some ancient tree in the
leafy month of June, surrounded
by flow ere and frisking lambs, and to
bebble of love and eternal fidelity; but
to cit by smoky fire in winter when
the larder is empty and the purse is
low, and flowers and lambs and June
are dead and love itself is fast dying,
will test the strongest vows and unlooss
the most latent discords. Each ia sur
prieed to find that the character OF the
other was misunderstood. Each feels
deceived and sggrieved, and reproaches
and tears take tue place of billings and
coeings.
But the glittering mansion ia not ex-
empt from the evils of the matched cot
taKe. There may be wealth and rank
and full measure OF worldly prosperity,
yet discord will enter In. Lady CLARA
We're de We're 10 as frail and unstable as
har humber sisters. Her lordly spouse
is in his way as selfish and as exscting
az simple Corydon. Ennui and friction
are as fatal to the happiness
OF the great as cold and
want are to the poor. Discomfort
is the cause with both. And why? Be-
cause neither really knew the other.
Because both masked their failings and
displayed their most agreeable qualities
and abilities. Because the role of the
man was to win. and of the woman to
be won. Ii was his to pursue boldly
and hers to ccyly retreat. Thus he dis
played fictitious courage, and she an
artificial modesty, with two wrecked
lives as result.
These methods may have been suita
BILE for bsrbarous age when men wooed
like the birds and beasts of the field
and lived scarcely better lives than they.
But at this period of human evoluticn
we require more rational processes OF
mating, processes which will promote
truth and honesty between sexes prior
to marriage, and thus prevent unpleas-
ant after developments. And in order
away the ,cctobwebs OF snperasition mar.
tlcularly those which render it immod-
EST Tor q woman to make the fret ad-
vances In affection. Women are far
shrewder than men in the matter Of
blind passion. If they had the same
freedom to propose as men have, there
would be fewer unhappy marriages. 1t
Ia true a woman has many WAYS of let
ting man know that he ia pleasing to
her without saving so in 90 many words.
But men have the same. And any such
indlcstion on her part would, as
things are, be liable to serious
mlsconstruotion. She might be accused
OF levity or even of wantonness unless
she could be permitted to make her in.
tentlons clear by definite proposal. Ii
might sound little strange at first for q
modest and pretty girl to say: 'Dear
Mr.. Smith, have had the pleasure OF
knowing you for some time and have the
highest esteem for ysur character,
am sure you would make a good and
affectionate husband to suitable
wife. Our views and feelings have often
been mutually exchanged in the most
friendly and unreserved manner, and I
nave learned to entertain tender re-
gard for you. II you, as | hatter nv
self you do, feel similarly toward me.
and think l could make you a wife after
your own heart, l should feel myself
the happiest woman alive by your &C.
cepting me. Should you consent to my
proposal, shall be delighted to men.
ton it at once to your mother"
This, we say, mi hit sound strange at
first, but not stranger than now when
at tenants bali the ladies OF the grea,
house invite the men to dance with
them; and after o few courageous maid
enc had essayed and succeeded, it would
quickly become the fashion. Young
men, we hear, are shy OF proposing
nowadays and so cultivate bachelor
hood. This is not only an evil to the
commonwealth, but is also wrong to
it's fairer members, and tacit re proach
to their character. AS men are
not generally given to excessive
modes6y as to their own uuali6-
cations, 1t cannot be supposed that
they think themselves not good enough
for the women. 1t would be grea,
elur on our manageable young women.
however, to suppose that they are MOI
good enough for the men, and still
worse If it could be said that neither
are fit for marriage. If the young men
will not do as their fathers before them.
and what has hitherto been consid-
cred their duty, let our girls inauzura
A better state of things by proposing OF
their own account. After the frs
novelty has worn off, no one will &C
cuse them of improperly or forward
ness.
In truth it seems most fitting, il there
should be any preference in proposing.
that women should possess it, At pres
ont marriage is OF more Importance to
her than to man. Our opponents are
never tired OF telling us that it ia her
avocation. We will take them at their |
word. good womsn's happiness cen
ters in her home. There shs is mistress.
mother and queen. 1t is her delight to |
make all within its influences the hap
pier and better for her rule, and to con
vert 1t into an earthly paradise But to
10 this she must have the man whom
he can love most truly, and must |
therefore,, have the right of choosing.
)ne OF the nlost accomplished and beau
ltnl Engliehwomen of her day, Lady
Mary Wortley Montague. daughter of
luke and wife of an ambassador, and al
associate of the most intellectual men in
Europe, an unromantic, clear he AIDED
ashionable lady, who saw more of life