Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-05-17
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
or THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Lsughsbis Phases
of Humsa Nature Graphically Portrayed
By Eminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget OF Fun.


Sprinkles of Spice.
THE message of the March winds:
@Hats of, Observation-Disclosures Rec
ord.
To THE victim of influenza q fan
is always a "fad. "-Yonkers States
man.
THE barney stone at the Worlds
Fair was a sham rock.-Rochester
Post.
WHEN a man is vaccinated he
usually sees the point Union
Gazette.
SOMETIMES man feels the lightest
when he has a heavy load 0n.-Glens
Falls Republican.
WHEN a mans countenance falls
1t naturally lowers its face value
Yonkers Statesman.
MRS. MULLIGAN-I'd rather hev the
hull family sick than you! Mr.. Null
ligan-So would I.-HallO.
SHE-Wou!d you go through fire
for me, AlgernOn? He-Ya-as, IL
was dwessed for it.-Harper's Bazaar.
WoMAN's hand may be pale and
delicate, but she can pick up hot
ter plate than man.-Texas Stiff
ings. .-~
THE servantrgirl problem may
properly be referred to as the hire
education OF women.-West Union
Gazette.
WERE you bull or a bear?" asked
an acquaintance of a speculator.
Neither" he replied; II was an ass. +"
- It'd Bits.
JILLsON says he has noticed that
the outsider who takes little flyer
in stocks usually comes back with his
wings clipped. buffalo Courier.
A CITIZEN of Georgia has in his
keeping two eggs said to be forty
years old. Here's $40 says that those
eggs can't be beat.-Arkansaw Trav-
eler. ~.
your business Is picking up, /
see," said the cobbler to the rag
picker. Eyes. And / see yours Is
mending," was the quick reply
Grip
You would certainly expect trained
speakers to articulate distinctly, but
they all do not. Look at the elevated
railroad guards, for instance. Stiff
lngs.
"H'M," said the burglar, after he
had found that the safe was empty,
"this thing lacks whole lot of what
1T was cracked up to be. "-Indianap-
oils Journal.
Miss CUSHION, Colonel, just look
at those magnificent elms! Pm sure
you love trees" Col Blank-"Dear-
ly, Miss Gush, learned to love them
during the war. Life.
FREDDIE VAN TwIaeEN says he
thinks it must be very easy to be
funny" said Maud. 1T Is" replied
Mamie, "for Freddie unless he
tries. "-WashingtOn Star.
Nov, AS to the degree of justih-
able homicide" said the Eastern
judge in charging the jury, that is
where man Is killed in self-defense
or In college. PLAIN Dealer.
THERE is at least one place." said
the statesman, who looked very
weary, "where men of all parties
must stand together" where Is
that?" "In crowded horse car. -
Industries.
BELovED-"So you touched papa
with your impassioned words, did
your" Lover-"Did l? "Where did
you suppose got the stuff to pay for
box and supper after the show"
Detroit Free Press.
LITTLE BOY-@That lady gave me
candy" Mother-"I hope you were
polite about it." "Yes'm." what
did you say?" Il said 1 wished pop
had met her before he got 'quainted
with you. Good News
EXCITED MANI must have a
hundred dollars. Can't you lend it
to me?" Cool Friend-"Oh, certain
ly, put not all at once. can let you
have ten cents every two or three
weeks. Texas Siftings.
SHE lin affright)-"Oh, Tom, why
do you make such awful faces at
me?" He (contritely)-"I can't help
it, dear. My eyeglasses are falling
off, and l don't want to let go OF
your hands. Boston Journal.
EMPLoYER-"Why were you dis
missed from your last placer" Ser
vant--"Because just once got
drunk" Employer-"How long were
you employed there?" Servant
/ "One day!"-Fliegende Blaetter.
Walter, see that you give
Beatrice the lions share OF that ban
ana. WalteE-Yes, mamma Beatrice
Mamma, Walter hasn't given me
any. Walter-Well, that's all right
Lions don eat lananas-Brooklyn
Life.
"YoU must have made several dol
lars out OF your theatricals. Il?
Oh, no. Those theatricals were for
the poor" Il know; that's why /
supposed you divided up the receipts
among the performers. They were
the poorest ever saw."-Harper's
Bazaar.
YOU'VE DoCTOR-@Here I've had
my shingle out two weeks, and not
case yet. I've been sitting here like
patience on a monument Friend
"Never mind; you will eventually get
a chance to put the monuments on
the patients. "-Philadelphia Record.
The other day young man gave
reason for not dancing, the spirit OF
which might be made to apply to a
good many failures In life. IL should