Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1894-04-26
THE OLD SQUIRE.
Was All Right az a. Politician, But He
Couldn't Outi.utt m piuv Coo.


couidn't out,sutt Billy Goat.
sack in thu sixaies old Squire
LeaIherland was appointment man"
IN rerry county. Indiana. He was
an odd character, too-lust such a
o.e as can only be found among the
mis- and bluffs that frown upon tho
peasant waters of the Ohio river
Old man Leatherland owned n
small farm secreted somewhere in
the recesses of those bluffs.
Finally old man Leatherland grew
urea OF doing nothing but raising
peaShhbpw potatoes and scrawny cab
pases, picking blackberries from the
Wltd pushes, hunting foxes in tho
hllls and voting straight for Democ-
racy--he had political aspirations
he wanted to be elected Justice of
the peace.
Election day came. and oil
h'atherland, who had been placed
On the Democratic ticket was up
with the sun and off to tho polls Mt
the crossroads, says the st. Louis
Republic. Late at night he returned
homo flushed with victory and bibu-
lous hilarity. Rushing in at the
door, he clasped his good housewife
IN his arms and exclaimed:
"Ole woman, I've been mado
sqular, b'gosh. Doc Strong run agin
me- but he was showed under s'deep
t.'et he feels ornier than a yallcr
dog. Whoopee! I'm squair, am
As old Leatherland continued hug
ging his wife the children yelled out
in unison: Eyes, pap, we're all
squires."
The wife now broke away from tho
embrace OF her husband and re-
torted: mo, you're not all souiars
you dang fool children. Nobody's
sqular but me and pap"
The days flew by and Squire
Leatherland was considered by the
citizens of the township to be a Sir
Oracle from whose lips fell only
words of wisdom.
But the serenity OF Old Squire
Leatherland's life was broken when
he bought a billy goat one day.
This goat would butt ANYTHING from
a stone wall to the lover that called
on Samantha Ann, the squire 5
daughter. Finally, this goat made
himself too promiscuous, aud oil
Squire Leatherland concluded to
"call him down" He went about it
In an odd way The squire placed a
big cast-iron pot over his own heal,
with the bail under his chin, much
after the fashion Of Columbian
guards headgear. 1t was a snug
fit. Then the old squire placed him
self on all tours in the barn lot,
bowed his neck and cavorted around
to attract the attention of the billy
goat. The goat was ready for tho
fray. and also bowed his neck. stiff
ened his legs and bounded toward
the old squire.
Bah! Beh-eh-eh." and the billy
goat delivered one of his most
scientific butts.
Old Squire Leatherland went
through the air In two somersaults
and landed in fence corner with the
old cast iron pot driven down.the
his head so tightly that he could
not remove it. No part of his face
could be seen except that those gray
galway whiskers were sticking out.
ward from beneath the pot He
tried to call for help, but his voice
sounded feebly from the inside OF
the pot And the billy goat con-
tinued butting his PROSTATE foe.
Fortunately one of the old squire )
sons came out, and, seeing the
predicament of his father. made the
goat retreat by using billet of
wood. When the pot was broken
and the pieces removed from the old
squire's head, and the blood was
streaming from his face, he looked
about him in a dazed sort Of way and
remarked:
"GOldarn it! en- outrun any livin'
man for jestice NV the peace, but |
CANT outbutt that billy goat. even
when I've got the old woman's soup
pot on my head. "