Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1894-01-25
EYEHING EoHoEs.

trousers " "BecauSe they lit him. l
asked him for a small loan, and he said
he was so short his corns made his head
ache. Exchange.
"Young Snifkins tells me he is prac-
ticing physician now. Is he !" swell,
from the high rate of mortality among
his patients | should say he is, just prac-
ticing. "-Ba6alo Courier.
$50 he praised my singing, did her"
,"Yes, he said it was heavenly" "Did
he really say that 2" "Well, not exactly,
but he probably meant that. He said il
was unearthly," --7fd-BitS.
Hoax-"I hear Hamphat has just re-
ceived legacy Of million dollars"
Joax-"Yes, and that makes him at
once the richest and the poorest actor in
the profession. "-Phslddelphia Record.
She (excitedly)-"Oh, George, some
woman on the car has stolen my purse !"
He-"How do you know it was
woman2" She-"Why, had it in the
pocket of my dress. "-CNicdgo Record.
Angry Father-How was it, young
man, that saw you kissing my daughter
in The hall last night? Young Mani
suppose, sir, because you happened to
DO around just at the right time.-Rdto
fields Washington.
First Yalesian--"Did you break the
news to poor Jacks father and mother
gently?" Second Yalesian-"Yes; sent
'em two kilograms, you know. First
read, Jack killed in game;' and second,
princeton wins. Life.
Dealer-Yes, madam, I'll kill them
for you and send them home. New
Housewife (hesitatingly)-W Well, If you
are positively sure they are fresh, you
may. My husband will only eat fowl
when it is fresh.-1Id- Bits.
Briggs-"I'd like to know what's the
matter with my watch. 1t keeps very
bad time" Riggs-"Maybei it's the pro-
posed change in the tariff. The Republi-
cans say that's the cause of all the bad
times. philadelphia Record.
Editor-There is movement on foot
to erect monument to Mr.. McLaugh-
lin in Brooklyn. Spaceryt-But he isn't
dead. Editor-0t course not; but the
people over there feel like doing some
thing to encourage him.--Puck.
Aunt Maria-"And how were the
ladies dressed, Carrie ?" Carrie-"Why,
aunt, Pm astonished Ladies are
gowned, not dressed. The word
dressed is only used in good society in
reference to food. "--Boston Transcript.
First Tramp Fifth avenue
people are very unreasonable with us.
Second Tramp-"Yes; never give money,
and lecture you for being dirty" First
Tramp-"And yet, when l rang and
asked for bath only, / was refused."--
Life.
Mamma" said little May, as she
looked for the first time at her new baby
sister, "1'm very much obliged to you
for offerin' her to me for sister, but
I've got all the sisters ! want, so I'll
take her for cousin. "-Ha1per's Young
People.
Mrs. Dobson-"Brldget told me she
saw Mr.. and Mrs. Hobson going to church
this morning. wonder what's the mat
ter" Mr.. Dobson--"Why, either Mr..
Hobson has had another attack of his
heart trouble or Mrs. Hobson has a new
hat."--Puck.
II understood this was to be an ex-
elusive affair."" said Mrs. Dukane to her
husband, as they looked around the
ballroom; "but l see everybody here"
sob, no." replied her husband; "the
hosts relatives are not present. "-Phila-
delphia Times.
"Do you use any effort to elevate your
colored brother 2" asked the pious look
ing man from Boston. ooh, no." care
lessly replied the editor; sit amt much
of an effort to elevate 'em when two or
three men catch hold of the rope"-
Atlanta Constitution.
When Miss Limberjaw returned from
Washington she remarked to her friend,
Miss ChatterboX, SONY think of it,
Matte, the men in Congress are paid
liberal salaries, and all they have to
do is to talkl" Miss Chatterbox-"How
ridiculous. Eschango.
Bingo-"Dld you have any trouble in
cashing that check l gave you" Mrs.
Bingo-"No, indeed, | took it right to
my inllliner." Bingo-"What did she
"Gracious, no! She gave the loveliest
bonnet you ever saw."-PuckS
Potter--Yes, sir; that man is hypo-
critic, If there ever was one. While pro
Tossing the warmest friendship for me,
he was for whole year stabbing me in
the back, and never knew it. Irwin
Goodness graciousl What kind Of
back have you got ?"-Grsno6Ie Monthly.
Miss Gladys severely Bridegroom
manners are not good. You should not
come into the room so suddenly when
Mr.. Callalot is passing the evening with
me" Bridget (disgusted) Student
An is it student you call it, an me wild
me ear to the blessed keyhole full
three-quarters Of an hour?"-1id- Bits.
Mountain Guide lin Switzerland)-
Gentlemen, we are now coming to an
exceedingly dangerous spot. You will
have to be very careful, rs we have had
several fatal falls here, l take this op-
portunity to submit my prospectuses to
your previous inspection, for am also
agent to life insurance company
1id-Bits
sis the editor-in-chief in2" asked
stranger, as he sauntered into the city
reporters room at 8 o'clock in the morn
ing. "No, sir" replied the janitor
kindly; ''he does not come down SO
early. Is there anything can do for
you 7" Perhaps so. Are you connected
with the poetical department of the
paper?" 81 am, sir" "Oh, what do you
do2" II empty the waste baskets, sir"
--Tesas Settings.
Old Hardcash--"Yes, Miss Young
thing has given me some encourage
men,; at least she hasn't refused me.
She says she first wishes TO see my
family Bible. presume she wants to
make sure that am no older than |
say" Friend-"No, she doesn't" "Eh2
Then what can she want ?n "She wants
to see if you come of a long-lived
family" Nseo York Weekly.
Mrs. Parker-"Norah.w what became of