Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-12-14


twice, Instead Of twenty or thirty times
as is the case with the elastic, India
rubber novels which are in vogue at
present. I feel that a great literary re-
form is at hand.
The resuscitation of the bald and tooth
less holiday joke, and it's occasional ap-
pearance in the large daily papers, is a
sad and unerring reminder that the
Christmas and New Year season is again
at hand. Already the nation is in the
throes Of the manufacture Of the succu-
lent and luscious mince pie. Already,
and almost without warning, the regen-
GRAFTON Of the pie-bald cranberry has
begun. The two products of American
soil which are most sadly in need of re-
generation are the deceptive cranberry
and the untutored Indian. These two,
and the greater of these, is the Gran
berry.
In it's native state, the cranberry is an
innocent looking fruit, somewhat smaller
H.. III #"H - sEH
than the Delaware grape, and about as
delicious as the ordinary wild plum, in a
green and ~undeveloped state. 1t has no
distinctive color, varying in shade from
the pale and sickly yellow Of the Chinese
laundryman to the rich, red, rosy bril-
liancy Of the bandana handkerchief. It
is not an attractive looking object, in it's
raw state, and if eaten when in this I'M
civilized condition, will be found of a
tickle and colicky nature, which is not
conducive of the frank, open-hearted
confidence which is begotten by the red
olent bologna sausage Or the aesthetic
wienerwurst. In fact, the naked cram
berry is one of the least trustworthy of the
worlds vegetable products. But, when
regenerated, the cranberry resolves itself
into all the gorgeous attractiveness of a
Bowery policeman on parade. Twenty
five cents worth of cranberries and seven
dollars worth of granulated sugar, prop
erly introduced to each other, will &C.
complish the destruction of more turkey
than a whole family of weasels. And
the cranberry, properly tanned, and par
boiled, and stemmed and steamed and
stewed, and hung up to dry in a cool
place, and taken according to directions,
! is the urc Of more delirious ecstasy
than anything which has happened
since the recent republican victory.
People should not fall into the error
of thinking, however, that the Christmas
season is productive of no other thoughts
than those which ensue out OF a broad.
minded and liberal consideration of the
cranberry. People who believe that
Christmas was invented for no other pur,
pose than to plaster the dissected re-.
mains of a turkey with several coats o1
cranberry sauce, and single this struc
ture with q tin roof of mincepie ano
%ralsins, are not the people who have
brought this nation to the proud posi-
ton which it occupies among the ma
tions of the earth. They are rather
%plutocrats and oppressors, who have
done more to build up the patent medi
cine business than any other person.
except the men who invented the safet,
bicycle and the cigarette.
There have been a number of changes
since last w gathered about the Christ
mas board, and aided in the demolition
OF turkeys, which, had they lived unit
the present time, would have been con
siderable older than they were a
that time. Conspicuous among these
changes, is a new pair of pants which
purchased along in the early part of thu
year, and the generally depressed con
dition Of the populist party. Some
other slight changes, too, have occurred
since last summer, particularly in The
weather, but these, of course, are insig
nificant, and not worthy of mention
Many persons who were wealthy las
Christmas, and were able to wear coats
and vests which were made at the sam
time, will spend this years Christmas il
the poorhouse, and feel that the demo
cratic party contains a large number O.
statesmen who would contribute mucl
more literally to the welfare of the
nation by enlisting in the ranks of the
Knights of the crosscut saw, and in The
Ancient Order of Barnyard Apprentices
and Manipulators of the long, slender
squirt guns, which are used to dust ove1
potato bugs with allopathic doses Of
Paris green.
But all Of these things are vain, at THU
time, and can accomplish no particular
good, andif the democratic party should
at any time~feel that it is in need OF {
Moses to lead it up again to a height
from which it an get in another telling
blow in the nations wind, it will find me-
living at the same place, and may feel a,
perfect liberty to call me out Of bed a,
the darkest hour of the night.
Politics aside, the prospect from
on is pleasant. Christmas first, then the
legislature, and, after that, spring time
and the Russian thistle, with a bripht