The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1894-08-02


1T did not seem possible that such q
time could come Many cruel things have
happened to me as to scores of Others but
this is the most cruel of all. Against my
wish and against my knowledge you have
crcpt into my life as necessity, and now
have TO give you up. You are better God
bless you, and you go back to a fuller life,
and to carry on your work, and to put TO
account those talents which no one realizes
more than l do, and, as for myself, God
help me, am left TO wither away.
"You little one, you dear little one, new
er wished to love you. had never loved
any one, never drawn near to any one.
have lived lonely all my young life, for
am only young man yet. I said to
myself time after time i will not love
her. 1t will not do me any good, nor her
any good. And then in my state of
health what right had to think of mar
riago and making home for myself Of
course that was out of the question. And
then thought that because 1 was DOOM
ed man, cut off from tho pleasures which
make lovely thing of life, 1t did not fol-
low that / might not love you in my own
quiet way, huggirg my secret to myself
until tho love became all the greater be-
cause it was my secret l reasoned about
il too. 1t could not harm you had 1 loved
you. No one could be the worse for being
loved. So little by little I yielded myself
this luxury, and my heart, once so dried
up, began to flower again. Yes little one
you will smile when l tell you that my
heart broke out into flower.
''W7fen i think of it all now, am not
sorry that let myself go. At least have
learned what l knew nothing of before
Now l understand what people mean
when they say that love adds dignity to
life which nothing else can give. That
dignity is mine now; nothing can take it
from me. 1t is my own. You Ne my very
own. l love everything about you. From
the beginning / recognized that you were
clever and capable. Though I often made
fun of what you said, that was simply a
way had, and when l saw you did not
mind continued in that way, hoping al
ways to vex you. Your good temper pro-
voked me, because I knew that you made
allowances for me being a Petershof in
valid You would never have suffered q
strong man to criticise you as did; you
would have flown at him, for you are fe-
verish little child, not quiet, woolly lamb.
AT first l was wild that you should
make allowances for me- And then 1
gave in, as weak men are obliged. When
you came, l saw that your troubles and
sufferingS would make you bitter. Do you
know who helped to cure your 1t was /.
I have seen that often before. That is the
one little bit of good 1 have done in the
world-I have helped to cure cynicism.
You were shocked at the things 1 said,
and you were saved. I did not save you
Intentionally, so I am not posing as phi
,;ef +Io%
came here hard, and you went back tender.
That was partly because you have lived in
the City of Suffering. Some people live
there and learn nothing, but you would
learn to feel only too much. l wish that
your capacity fer feeling were less, but
then you wolld not be yourself, your pres
ent self, mean, for you have changed even
since have known you. Every week you
seemed to become more gentle You
thought me rough and gruff at parting,
little comrade. meant to be SO. If you
had only known, there was whole world
of tenderness for you in my heart. coult
not trust myself to be tender to yorl-you
would have guessed my secret. And /
wanted you to go away undisturbod You
do not feel things lightly, and it was best
for you that you should harden your heart
against me.
''fyou could harden your heart against
mel But am not sure about that. be-
lieve that-ah, well, I'm foolish fellow
but some day, dear, I'll tell you what I
think. I have treasured many Of your say
ings in my memory. I can never be as
though had never known you Many of
your words have repeated to myself after
ward until they seemed to represent my
own thoughts. specially remember what
you said about God having made us lone
ly so that we might be obliged to turn to
him, for we are all lonely, though some
of us not quite so much as others. You
yourself spoke often of being lonely. Oh
my own little one! Your loneliness Is
nothing compared to mine. How often
could have told you that!
II have never seen any Of your work,
but think you have now something to
say to others, and that you will say it well
And If you have the courage to be simple
when 1t comes to the point you will sue
ceed. And I believe you will have the
courage; believe everything of you.
But whatever you do or do not you will
always be the same to me-my own little
one my very own. I have been waiting
all my life for you, and have given you
my heart entire. If you only knew that,
you couiu AoU CStil yOurSeiI lOuely any
more. If any one was ever loved, it is you,
dear heart.
''Do you remember how those peasants
at the Gastlaus thought we were betroth.
ed9 thought that might annoy you, and
though l was relieved at the time, still,
later on, wished you had been annoyed
That would have shown that you were moi
Indifferent. From that time my love fol
you grew apace. You must not mind me
telling you SO often. must go on telling
you. just think, dear, this is the first love
| letter have ever written, and every word
of love is a whole world of love I shall
never call my life a failure now I may
have failed in everything else, but not in
loving. Oh, little one, it can't be that
am not to be with you and not to have you
for my own! And yet how can that bel
1t Is not who may hold you in my arms
Some strong man must love and wrap yor
round with tenderness and softness. YOU
little independent child, in spite of all youl
wonderful views and theories, you will
/ soon be glad to lean on some one for com
F; fort and sympathy. And then perhaps
that troubled little spirit of yours may fine
/ its rest. Would to God were that strong