Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-10-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.:

Doing time--The lady who grows
younger every Puck.
1t is usually great big man who
insults you --Atchison Globe.
The politicians favorite novel
"Put Yourself in His Place. Puck.
Many do heap of hard climbing in
search of easy grades. Chicago Her
aid.
Order of the Bath-Come right out
of that water this minute !-Boston
Transcript.
No man can worry about how he
looks and keep his bank account grow
ing. -Atchison Globe.
Some people are of such happy dis
positions that thew never amount to
much. -Atchison Globe.
A great deal of the piety of to-day
is thing of great beauty because it
Is only skin deep. Puck.
Never put any confidence in the
answers of man who is afraid to say
81 don't know" occasionally.
Don't think that because man has
| done you favor he is under everlast-
ing obligations to you.-Puck.
/ Butter is prime while it's fresh; but
a man has long lost his freshness when
he reaches his prime. Puck.
"Are you certain that you love me?"
81 am. :" "But are you sure that you
are certain ?"--New York Press.
The lawyer who worked like horse
was engaged in drawing convey
ance. ce.-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
May--"Next to man, what's the
jolliest thing you know of?" Ethel
myself, if he's nice. brooklyn Life.
One of the dampers of ambition is
the fact that the mantle of greatness
has to be worn as shroud too often.
Puck.
Ones own capacity is poor stand
ard of measurement the stars shine,
though my earsighted neighbor deny
it.--Puck.
When man does not want to do
thing he says 81 cannot;" when he
cannot do it he says "I don't want
to. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
The average dwarf is at very se-
rious disadvantage. No matter how
large his income he is always sure to
be short. Buffalo Courier.
When boy goes out West hunting,
and writes home that he killed a deer,
he can fool his mother, but he can't
fool his father. .-Atchison Globe.
As the express dashes through the
/ station-"O, porter, doesn't that
train stop here?" Porter-"No, mum;
it don't even hesitate. III it-Bits.
To his mate the caterpillar said
| In n tone OF caution, soft and low.
| AS they cung to the branch Just overhead,
Get onto the the girl in the hammock below.
| Washington Star.
man regards his newspaper much
as he does his wife something to find
fault with when he feels cross and
something he never approves of--Atch-
ison Globe.
81 love to listen to the patter of the
rain on the roof" said the miserly
poet. 81 suppose you do" said his
wife. "It's cheap amusement. ~
Harper's Bazar.
Dora-"Don't you think my gowns
fit better than they used top Cora
''Yes. Your dressmaker told me yes.
! terday she was taking lessons in geome.
try. Harlem Life.
Mr.. Oldstyle-"I don't think that
college education amounts to much.
Mr.. Sparerod-''Don't you? Well,
\ you ought to foot my boys bills and
| see. New York World.
No woman is such sluuch at mathe.
matics that she can't tell in half
minute how much ner husband would
J save III the course of year if he
shaved himself. f.-Atchison Globe.
One OF the unexplained mysteries
OF life is how difficult it is sometimes
to get into comfortable position when
you go to bed. and how unusual to
md one that isn't comfortable when
you have to get up.--Puck.
Jlnks Ton the rail D-sI was talking
with an eminent physician in the
smoker. Mrs. Jinks-"What is his
name?" HE didn't mention it, and
l did not like to ask. - 'Then why do
you think he is an eminent physi-
cian?" 81 asked him what was the
best cure for consumption, and he
said he didn't know. Puck.
Cabman lat library Say, is this
here the novel you advised me TO
read?" Librarian--"Yes: that's the
one" Cabman-"Well, you can take
it back. There's nine people in the
first four chapters who hired cabs.
and each OF 'em when he got out 'aung
his purse to the driver Now when
l want that sort of literature, I'll 60
to Jules Verne and get it pure. Cit.
cago Record.