Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-05-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY,

The burglars friend-His faithful
Jimmy. @
A host in himself-The cannibal
who devours his entertainer. Grip.
The good measure of the vegetable
peddler always appears at the top
Puck.
One of the most striking things you
can place in parlor is a clock. Hart
ford Journal.
When you lose the power to enjoy
yourself, people no longer like you.--
Atchison Globe.
"He has no more influence" said
Hartford wit, ethan 'p' in pneumo-
MIA. Hartford Courant.
Many people would be more truth
full but for their uncomfortable desire
to talk -Atchison Globe.
We dream great things of to-mor-
row; but all it ever becomes is another
yesterday. .-Atchison Globe.
The only Objectionable feature about
the violet is that so many people write
poetry about il. .--Atchison Globe.
The popular idea of good business
man is one who can meet and beat Q
scoundrel at his own game. Puck.
Some men have such confidence in
their ability that they would start
sun umbrella business in London
Puck.
There would be no great objection
to the anarchist if his exploded bombs
were only as harmless as his exploded
theories. Washington Star.
There's nothin like tho weddin'
Fer to make feller learn; ~
For he thinks that she Is his'n.
But finds out that he is her'n.
Indianapolis Journal.
Passenger - 81 say, conductor,
there's an old gentleman falling offthe
bus" Conductor "That's all right;
he's paid his fare "-Pearson's Week
ly.
'Are you sure Miss Oldtime keeps
up the study of ancient history?"
Madge-"Oh, dear me, yes. | saw her
reading in her diary to-day. Inter
Ocean,
"Are there any more jurymen who
have prejudice against youy IN.
quired the lawyer. ''No, sab, de jury
am all right, but want to challenge
the Judge. "-The Green Bag.
La Fiancee-'I am awfully sorry,
Jack, but those roses you sent me
don't match my gown. LIE Fiance
(who paid so dozen Cant you
change your gown, ?"-Vogue.
81 think l understand now," said
Higgs, "why they speak of Miss We'll
laby's new Paris-made gown as 'cre-
alton 1t looks almost as if it were
made of nothing. Chicago Tribune.
Men cannot consistently deride wo-
men for wasting SO much cloth in
making their sleeves, so long as they
themselves are wearing the long-tailed
coats that are in fashion. n.-Somerville
Journal.
Author--'I am troubled with in
somnia. l lie awake Mt night, hour
after hour, thinking about my literary
work" Friend why don't you get
up and read portions of it?"--Brook-
lyn Life.
eff, as the Bible says, all flesh is
grass, " said the star boarder at the
breakfast table yesterday, ''this steak
must be the kind of stuff those tough
Mexican hamnocks are mado of"
Philadelphia Record.
Jess "Miss Fitz gives her age as
twenty-nine, but she means thirty.
Bess "Then why don't she say thir-
typ" Jess-"Oh, that's the way mer-
chants mark their goods, nowadays"
Eata EieIdfc WaShiuptoO
Duel Up to Date: II challenge you
to duel. " Accepted. Your
choice of weapons dagger or pistols?"
'tNeither. Winter ascent of Mont
Blanc-rotten rope-three feet dis
tancc. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
II don't know whether l like those
pictures or not" said the young
woman. ''lhey seem rather indis-
tinct." ''But you must remember,
madame, said the willy photographer.
''that your face is not at all plain. y
Indianapolis Journal.
81 need new umbrella, and I'm
going to bpy one" declared Mrs. Nc
Bride. 'Iet me give you piece of
advice about buying umbrellas,
added her husband. Never buy on
n rainy day '1'd like to know why
not?" Because they are always up
them. Detroit FREQ Press.
Dear asked Mrs. Wickwire, look
ing mp from her paper, "what does
this paper mean by referring to tho
supcrhuous womanP What IL the
superhuous woman?' ".hl our en-
gugement days, answered Mr.. Wick
wire, 'the superiiuons woman was
yonr younger sister Indianapolis