The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1894-06-28
THE PAUPeR MoNoPoL,sr.
6I0 Brief but Remarkable Garner Of
Prosperity and How II Ended.

IL happened IN tiny Yorkshire VII
lage-a peaceful, respectable spot,
where folks found life bit slow, says
Jerome X. Jerome in "Novel Notes.
One day, however, a new curate ar
rived, and that woke things up con-
siderably. He was 4 nice young man,
and, having large private income Of
his own, was altogether . most desir-
able catch. Every unmarried female
in the place went for him with ono &C.
cord. But ordinary feminine bland
ishments appeared to have no effect
upon him. He was seriously inclined
young man, and once, in the course Of
q casual conversation upon the SUBJ
ject of love. he was heard to say that he
should never be attracted by mere beau
ty and charm. What would appeal to
him, he said, would be a woman's
goodness-her charity and kindness
to the poor
Well, that SO: the petticoats all
thinking. They saw that in studying
fashion plates and practicing express
sions they had been going upon the
wrong track. The card for them to
play was "the poor" But here Sc
rious difficulty arose. There was only
one poor person in the whole parish,
cantankerous old fellow who lived in
tumble-down cottage at the back of
the church, and fifteen able-b bodied
women eleven girls. three old maids,
and widow wanted to be "good" to
him. Miss Simmonds> one of the old
maids, got hold of him first, and COM
menced feeding him twice day with
beef tea, and then the widow boarded
him with port wine and oysters
Later in the week others of the party
drifted in upon him and wanted to
cram him with jelly and chickens.
The old man couldn't understand it.
He was accustomed to small sack of
Goals now and then, accompanied by .
long lecture on his sins, and an occa- |
sional bottle of dandelion tea. This
sudden squirt on the part of Providence
puzzled him. He said nothing, how
ever, but contrived to take in as much
of everything as he could hold. At
the end of month he was too fat to
get through his own back door.
The competition among the women
folk grew keener every day, and at
last the old man began to give himself
airs and to make the place hard for
them. He made them clean his cot
tage out and cook his meals, and when
he was tired of having them about the
house he set them to work in his gar
den. They grumb led good deal, and
there was talk at one time of sort of
a strike, but what could they do? He
was the only pauper for miles round,
and knew it. He had the monopoly,
and, like all monopolists, he abused
his position. He made them run er-
rands. He sent them out to buy "bac-
cy" at their own expense. On one oc-
casion be sent Miss Simmonds out with
q jug to get his supper beer. She in
refused at first, but he told
her that if she gave him any of her
stuck-up airs out she would 90 and
never come into his house again. II
she wouldn't do it there were plenty
Of others who would. She K, ew it and
wen<.
They had been in the habit of read
ing to him-good books with an ele-
vating tendency. But now he had put
his foot down on that sort of thing. !
He said he didn't want Sunday-school
rubbish at his time of life. What he ,
liked was something spicy. And he {
made them read him French novels .
and seafaring tales containing re alistic
language. And they didn't have to
skip anything either, or he'd kno " the {
reason why. He said he liked music,
20 few of them dubbed together and
bought him harmonium. Their idea {
vas that they would sing hymns and I
play high-class melodies, but it wasn't (
lis. His idea was Excepting Up the
Did Girls Birthday" and ''She Winked
he Other Eye" with chorus and skirt 8
lance. and that's what they sang. Z
To what length his tyranny would /
lave gone it is difficult to say had not r
n event happened that brought his e
'ower to premature collapse. This :
vas the curate's sudden and somewhat -
Unexpected marriage with a very :
eautiful bur'esque actress who had d
ately been performing in a neighbour +
ng town. He gave up the church on
is engagement in consequence of his A
nancee's objection to become a min =
'ter's wife. She said she could never -
tumble to" the district visiting. With :, -
be curale's wedding the old pauper's -
rief career of prosperity ended. They q
acked him off to the workhouse after a.
nat and made him break stones.