Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-09-28
ABSOLUTELY PURE

taken, and made into feather busters for
the use OF the imperial household. I
understand that Chang's efforts from
now on will be directed in the line of
strategic movement to circumvent the
Japanese canned beef supply, and should
he fail, 1t is more than likely his entire
complement of cuticle will be drawn up
on by the emperor, and made into hand
painted lamberqulns for the adornment
of mautel-pieces IN the imperial castle.
Has the Hon. Wilkinson Call Of Flor
ida, purchased his winter, supply Of
socks up to the propounding of this in
t%errogatory? Nothing has been heard
from the peninsular statesman for so
long, that it is high time this matter Of
socks was looked up. Last summer,
during the session of the Fitty-third con-
gress, the socks of the Florida senator,
were in everyone's mouth, in a meta
phorical way, of course. An inadvertent
expose OF a pair of dreams in pale-blue
on the part of the Heretofore compare
lively unknown Floridian set the whole.
nation agog, and for weeks there we're
columns of odes in prose and poetry
dedicated to the senatorial socks. OF
late, however, the pedal coverings OF
Senator Call have been shamefully neg
lected, and the people are interested to.
know what brand and style will be
adopted during the coming season.
Does the senator intend to allow his.
former prediction for p%olka-dots to in
auence his selection, or does his taste
run in the direction of stripes? A pat
riotic sock, which has been suggested
for the kind consideration of. the,senator,
is a body Of tri-colored silk, with three
stripes, one each of red, white and blue.
to the sock, the heel to be handpainted
with an aquarium Of Florida lizards and
alligators and the toe to be worked with
forty-five stars in pale-green and purple.
These could be worn with low shoes, on
public occasions, and would aid materially
in %cementing the clinging attachment
which has sprung up between the Flor
ida senator and the American public, in
this matter Of socks. A judicious expo
sure Of such a pair of socks as I have.
described would afford Senator Call en-
tree into the council of diplomats every
where, and endow him with a distingue
personality which would soon become
worldwide.
I am highly gratified to learn that it,
was the Hon. Walter Muir, candidate ir-
repressibla and %discourser blatant Of the
populist party, who put down the recent.
civil a Misinformed persons, who
have attributed this to General Grant,.
MI. Sheridan and OLD Bill Sherman, APP.
portioning a part Of the glory to Abe
Lincoln, should hasten to acknowledge
the error, and give the Hon. Walter his
due. do not think it was quite square,
however, for Walter to wait until after
these other soldiers were dead, to spring
his surprise party. Perhaps, however,.
he didn't want. tosshurt their feelings.
This seems a charitable way to look at
it, and it was certainly quite kind OF
Walter to allow these other gentlemen to
have the credit for SO many years, under
this latter circumstance. Having set
forth this weighty claim upon the affec-
tions of the American people thus early
in the campaign, it is difficult to Say
what Walter will prove next, as the
gressional fight becomes warmer. / feel.
almost certain that as soon as as he gets.
a sufficient quantity of saliva upon his
populistic palms. and limbers up his fer
tile memory with few bottles OF SPAWN
cure he will brush the dust of misinfor-
nation from the records Of past achieve
ments, and bring down the follies and
fallacies of history with q crash which
will jar the annals of the nation to their
very foundations. There is rapidly
growing suspicion that the electric tele-
graph originated with the Hon. Walter,
and I felt quite certain, the last time /
saw him in the completeness of his
splendid personality and in the first flush
Of his ponderous intellect, that my old
friend Sammy Morse had him wildly in
mind when he flashed across the wires
the four words which constituted the
Qr6G telegram over 5ouG. linen GOO,lf
have been reading over the emancipation
proclamation in the last day or SO, andsit
bears the unmistakable earmarks Of the
same Walter, disguised in the handwrit-
ing of the martyr president. Although
it is not generally known, there is ample
proof that Walter planned the Sioux,
campaign, and the Worlds FAIR was an
idea which he let clip accidentally one
day, while dining with Potter Palmer
and Geo r. Davis. Walter has adopted a
new scheme now, and sleeps in. q bed al
together enclosed with mosquito netting,
thus preventing the escape Of any ideas
which may be Matched in his incubator
like intellect during the night. Walter
is distinctly tired Of Matching out ideas
to be utilized by such inferior persons
as Bill Sherman, Sammy Morse, .Nappy
Bonaparte, Tom Edison, and a few other
now famous men, and the next time the
nation is in need Of ideas, Walter will
demand a heavy royalty on all of these
back numbers, or the nation will have to
20 to the devil without his aid. There
is a limit to forbearance, and it may as
we'll be understood right here that Wal
ter has pnt q meter on his i%dea.supply.
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