The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1894-02-22
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

--Figg-''rn let you know I'm not
the fool you think" Fogg-''Possibly
not. Which one are your - Boston
Transcript.
--Gray-''Dillington dresses pretty
well. Wonder if he earns much mon
ey?" Black-''No; but he has big
salary. boston Transcript.
-Ethel-'Jacll Jollyboy is very i'm
pudent. He attempted to kiss me last
night" -"Impudent? | should
call him crazy. IN. Y. Press.
She Didn't. - Husband Grately)-
"You think you know everything, don't
you?' Wife (softly)-''No dear; new
er did know why you know SO little"
Detroit Free Press.
Tin worried about my st. Bernard
dog" "Why?" "He's losing his appe-
tite." I'm worried about mine, too"
"Why?" He isn't" - Washington
Star.
Handlers I'm getting so
near-sighted that can't recognize peo-
pie in the street. What shall l do for
it?" The Doctor-''Why not pay your
bts?"-Elmira Gazette.
Can l leave a little poem with
you?" asked the young author. You
can" replied the editor all poems
get left in this vicinity. Atlanta Con-
stitution.
In the Cannibal Islands.-Mother-
''What is the matter with you, my
son? Have you eaten anything that
disagreed with you?' Son-''That is
why l ate him. boston Transcript.
Not in Love.-'How do you know
that DeVere is not in love with Mabel
Sweetbriar?' Because | heard him
tell her the other evening when they
. came from church that he knew of
short cut home. detroit Free Press.
-Cholly-"It-aw- be all wight,
you know, but I-aw-fnd it doosed
hard to believe that we are descended
from-aw-monk Miss Smart
(after looking him over)-"I DON'T
n. Y. Press
And SO, Peter, you spell women
with an 'a?' said the teacher, correct
ing an exercise. please SIR" was the
reply, my papa told mamma only yes
| terday that women were singular
beings. Music and Drama.
-Seedeigh-''I must raise some
| money somewhere. l owe my land
lady for six weeks board" Stuart
Cant you stand her off any farther?"
| Seedeigh-'Great Scott, no; she's dis
tant enough already. "-Raymond
| Monthly.
Chappie-"Doctah I'm afwaid l
have tobacco heart" Squills-'Ha
eh? What do you smoker" Chappie-
| ''Cigawettes, doctah." Dr. Sauills-
Calm your fears. Tobacco heart is
only produced by the use of tobacco"
Philadelphia Record.
There are times said the man
with the oratorical manner, when we
are overwhelmed with humiliation at
| the powerlessnesS of the human mind"
That's very true" was the reply, Il
am often made to feel So ''Indeed?"
yes, have a four-year-old daughter
who asks questions. " - Washington
| Star.
-Mistress-"I have just been read
ing, Bridget, of a girl who was burned
to death by kindling the fire with kero-
sene. l hope you never kindle your
fire with kerosene, Bridget" Bridget
mo, indade, mum; | uses paper and
match to l1indle wild; it is only to
hurry up the foire after it be kindled
that | pours on the kerosene Boston
Transcript,
| Mrs. Bingo-'I have one of the
checklist cooks you ever saw. She
actually wore my sealsl1in cloak yes
terday, out in the park Mrs. King
ley-O, my! Did you demonstrate with
hero Mrs. Bingo-''I should say did,
and she replied that she was very sorry,
and that she wouldn't have done it if
she had known it was so warm."-N.
Y. Herald.