davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07

Take it back" says Bill as we looked
up.
"What?"
"About them weather."
81 cane do it. "
"You We gotter or die! l don't want no
cold wave around yere fur Il month yit,
and what's more hahn t goin to hev oner
but | can't control the weather.
"Then git out \ Teller as runs the
weather and cant control it hain't no man
fur this kcntry. You jest write it down
that it's guin to be warSnish weather fur
the next four weeks to come and paste it
up over that cold wave, and if you change
it arter I'm gone Ill come back and shute
seven pounds of lead into yer carcass"
We argued with William until he cooked
two guns and laid their frigid muzzles
against our editorial breast. Then we
wrote out and pasted up his warm wave,
and he went away a happy man. The cold
wave came along as predicted, and now
Mr.. Hoke spends half his time shooting
bullets into the front door of TIE KICKER
office.
Two weeks ago it was our meteorological
duty to announce that a cyclone appeared
to be gathering in the West Indies. 1t took
us two long hours of figuring to work that
out, and we felt rather proud of our work.
We had just lighted cigar and backed up
to the Office stove when in walked Major
sam Burke, who grows mighty poor mules
and powerfully large Cactuses on his sand
pastures over ut Turkey Bend.
"Thought you was in favor of Arizona
being admitted to the Union?' sneered the
major rs he sat down in our editorial
chair
II am"
'Don't look that way to me-
"What's upy''
"Cyclonc forming down in the West In
dieS-no cyclone forming in Arizona! Got
many subscribers down that way?"
"Can | make the weather.
"Mebhc not, but you can stand up for
your own locality. If we can't have Il cy
clone here, there's no patriotism in blow
ing around about one in the West Indies
Looks to me as if you had been subsidized
by the British government"
"MajOr, you are a foOl!'
"And you are traitor"
Then we had n fight with the major and
BACKED both his eyes and got our nose
skinned, and he went around among his
friends and induced six of them to stop
their subscriptions. AS we said at the start
we have decided to go out of the weather
bureau business. 1t has cost us no little
time and money, but has never been prop
erly appreciated We could put up with
the indifference and ingratitude of our
people. but to be abused and shot at every
day two is asking too much of human
nature. After this week the space hereto
fore occupied by our weather reports will
be filled with brief biographies of cele
bratod murdercrS. and the first critter
who comes in to find fault will get him
self laid away in our private graveyard
with neatness and Sl4 coffin.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
A Troublesome Word.

How much better it would be if the
past tense of the verb read could be
changed to rcd. The verb read would
then form the past tense (redD analogous
ly with the verb lead, and that tense,
as in the case Of led, would then be
spelled as it is pronounced, red. When
person is reading aloud and comes tC
the word read, he is often unable to tell
whether it should be pronounced reed
or red and after misprOnouncing it read
when it should be pronounced red, OF
vice versa, he is obliged, after getting
into the midst of Il sentence, to go back
and set himself right. Take, for exam
pie, the following sentence, and nobody
can tell, when he reaches the word read,
whether it is to be pronounced reed or
red: "Th0se who read Sir Walter Scott s
novel Of Edward Waverlcy' when it
first appeared did not know by whom it
was written. In this example read is
to be pronounced red but nobody would
know this till reaching q subsequent
part of the sentence, and the reader is
just as apt to mispronOunce it reed as
to give it the correct pronunciation of
red. In the sentence given as an eX-
ample the reader learns soon after pass
ing the word read how it should be pro-
nounced, but in many cases one has to
proceed quito distance after reaching
the word before the context shows how
it should be pronounced Boston Tran
script.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
A Hint For TyDewriters.

Typewriters ought to write the names
of the persons to whom they write let
tiers in capitals. To use ordinary letters
shows lack of consideration and good
taste. No printer of any standing would
issue d letter printed in that way. His
training in his art has distinctly taught
him not to do it. Manufacturers of type
writers claim that their machines are
educators-that the operators must nee
essarily become proficient in spelling
punctuation and the proper use Of CAPT
tails But somehow this little matter Of
propriety and good taste in address and
signature has thus far been greatly over
looked.-Cor. Boston Transcript.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
HE ARIZONA KICKER.
An Attempt to Furnish Weather Reports
ProHes a Dead FaIInre.

WE GIVE IT UP.-We have made an hon.
est, conscientious attempt during the last
six months to supply this locality with re-
liable weather reports from the tower of
THE KICKER Office, and we wish to give
notice right here and now that we are
through with the whole business. In the
first place, there isn't a human critter
within 40 miles of the town who cares a
continental cooked hat what sort of wealth
er we have, and in the next our bureau
was constant source of fault finding and
personal danger. For instance, If we hung
out report predicting an area of high
barometric pressure over the Mississippi
valley, old Jim Carson would kick open
the door of our sanctum and yell at the
top of his voice:
''Whar in blazes is yer ole Mississippi
valley, and why in blazes didn't ys say
what b'arskins was wuth out thar"
Then we would have to coax Jim into
putting down his guns and looking at a
map of the United States, and we would
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Now It's an Aluminium wedding.

The already long list of jubilees and
family celebrations has been enriched
by novelty in the line of wedding fes-
tivities. The family and friends of a
rich manufacturer living in the neigh
borhood of Berlin deemed the interval
between the silver and golden wedding
to be altogether too long, and halving
it introduced last week an aluminium
wedding by offering the happy couple
on the occasion of the completion of
37L years Of welded life choice va
riety of presents made of aluminium. If
this novel idea should take, the Alumni
am industry has great future before it.
The PrussiaD capital, of all German
cities the one most given to societies and
fetes of every possible name and descrip-
ton, has since gone even one better by
celebrating seven year wedding, which,
the friends of the PARTIES, with true Ber-
lin humor, chrjstened the jubilee of the
seven years war.-Paris American
Register.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07

HE LOOKED SAD AND GROANED.
uEd vhas turned out of house und home!
II could find soInepody to hat confidence
in me- den l would hat confidence in der
next man, Und in two weeks dis country
vhas all X. o.
And presume you had confidence in
him" observed the sergeant as he smiled
mt the. clock OH the wall.
'NhrIl shall he blamed for hard times
when | can make her all right; hat con-
tidrncc 10 lend him dollar. l belief it
Vhas all right till so many fcllcrs come
along. About frcfty men come to me to
hat confidence. und | vhas Il lCctle tired
ont. 1t seems all right to me, but my son
Shake says l better ask You if 1 must hat
all der confidence in America
You seem to have most of it. You are
Z soft snap. Mr.. Dunder-a very soft one "
DO You mean | vhas shwiudlcd some
NOR. Don t it help dis country if haf
confidence
The sergeant looked over the desk at
Mr. Dunder with a half sad, half CON
temptuOus expression, and after a minute
the latter removed his hat and looked it
over and said
You vhas looking for hayseeds on my
hat You belief vhas grass and green
horns and suckers, und dat hat some
moss on my back bone
The sergeant nodded, sighed and turned
to his work of recording the fact that
Johnny the Kid had been sent up for 60
days for drunkenness and disorderly con-
duct. Mr.. Dunder stood waiting for some
time and then hoarsely whispered:
Sergeant, vhas going home! Fife
minutes after | vhas in my place Teller
Will come in und say vhas Carl Dunders
| vhas. Den he Will begin dot speech
about hard times und confidence und
bankruptcy, but before he has said 10
words -
Before he has said 10 words, - repeated
the sergeant without looking up.
Il Will shump in on him, und bang his
head. und slam his body, und kick him
oafer tables, und bounce him out on der
sidewalk! l won't quite kill him. but
Will bring him sooch sickness dot he don't
come out of der hospital for one year! /
vhas trying to make dis country all right
again. but dose fellers take me for some
haystaCks. In aboudt 10 minutes you
put your ears by dot telephone. If you
hear screams und shrieks und cries for
mercy, don't be scarf und send der patrol
wagon. 1t vhas only me showing a great
big loafer dot | hat so much confidence in
dis country dot he vhas carried away in
two ambulanCeS ~
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Cromwell and the SneCtcr.

The stories of the Nv hitc Lady" that
periodically visits the German royal
family and of the Little Red Man
that frequently paid his respects to the
great Napoleon, are tolerably well
known. especially that Of the former.
But few perhaps are familiar with the
story of Cromwells Giant Specter. y
1t appeared to him one night when he
was wide awake and quietly resting on
his couch. In appearance the appari-
ton was woman of gigantic proper
tons. Approaching him, she announced
in tones like thunder, within the year
you, my son, will be recognized as the
greatest man in Britain. st. Louis Re
public.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
WEARY.
I'm old. and the heat of life's battles

I'm old, and the heat of life's battles
Has bleacEed my brown hair till it's white
And teardrops that sparkle light diamonds
Have stole from my eyes their old light.
And low, where cold marbles are cleaning,
laid what the world gave to me;
But hi sh, where the pure ones are waiting,
My treasures again will | see.
Tonight l have heard strains of music
That fl1atcd away long ago,
But some mystic spirit las caught them
To chant TO me now, soft and low.
heard an Old story tonight, too,
That memory fingered TO tell,
OF youth that built castles in midair
That crushed hopes and dreams as they fell
I've seen an old picture of sorrow-
y vessel thar sank in the sea
But safe in the harbor of heaven
\ fair sailor boy waits for me.
| listen in drvamS for his footsteps,
l almost can see his white hand
As it lifts from my heart life's dark shadows
And points me TO his spirit
. Time, l am weary OF travel.
l-.C's pathway IS lonely for me,
And brcezcs that whisper about me
Seem filled with a voice from the sea.
And now | am tircd-so tired
And some night III lie down TO rest
And dream till | wake in the morning
In peace in the home of the blest.
-Florcncc Bailey Farnsworth.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Explosives That Must Be Shocked.

Some explosives, such as dynamite,
nitroglycerol, gun cotton, picric acid
and the new German military powder,
when simply heated, burn quietly it
freely exposed, or, if confined, explode
only at the spot where heat is applied,
without the whole mass taking part in
the explosion. According to H. Blitz,
this is probably because they are bad
conductors of their own explosive wave.
If, however, the same substances are
subjected to a violent shock by the ex-
plosion in their midst of initial charges
of mercury illuminate, the shock appar-
emily affects all the molecules of the ex-
plosive at once, and the whole mass Of
the latter explodes with a violence that
is enormous and destructive. j ournal
Of Commerce.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07

]
Copyright, 1924, by Charles B. Lewis.I
Sergeant, l dunno about her." said
! Mr.. Dundcr as he Slipped into the station
house the other day and stood before the
desk, with an anxious expression Ct Col;n
tenuuce.
You We probably been swindled again, -
replied the sergeant rs liz looked up from
his blottvr.
''VheIl, mebbe If nopody vhas two
times alike in Il country, how can you UNI
dor~taud him: ! like to ask you what
makes der hard times"
There arr several reasons
Was lack of confidence one reason?'
Certainly
'Ill dot makes me all right, uud no
prdy dvcviVtS me, vhas Il lrctlc scarf,
uui | come down to shpeak nit you ahoudt
her. l-..t if You say it vhas all right dot
settles it. und 10 home happy"
But il may not be all right. State
your case.
"Nhcll. said Mr. Dundcr as he wiped
the pvrSpiration from his ears and neck,
one day TELLER comes in my place und
says vhas l Carl Dunder: vhas. Den
says he To me:
90 Mister Dundcr. she vhas hard times.
Money Nha~ scarce, und eafrypody vhas
like. i funeral D,re vhas no real cause
for such things. Der Eoferment vhas all
right. der peoples vhas all right, und all
we need vha> confidence Eou have con-
Iideuce in me. und / Will in You, und we
make better times. Lend me half a dol
lar. uud pay him back poorly soon.
And You Let him have it. of course:'
said the sergeant.
''NhvU, | hat to show my confidence,
don't /: If cafrypody vhas afraid, den
how can We make a shange? Dot man
goes AWAY uud another Teller comes in.
lie says der country vhas suffering for der
want Of confidence in herself. und dot if
We don't make Il shanSe We vhas all gone
to der dogs. He likes me to hat conf
dtucr in him for two beers
And he got thcm:'
OF course. No man vhas patriot if
he keeps dis country hard oop when conf
dyucr Will make her all right. Der next
man who comes in don't shpeak to me for
10 minutes. hut sits down 10y Il table und
looks sud und Sroans. BY and 10y he says
to me;
Just think of it. Mr.. Dundcr, be
cause we haven't got no confidence in dis
country vhus out of work, my wife
breaks her Lee. my children cry for bread,
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Standing Room ONLY.

was intensely amazed and amused
when in a cable car in New York one
day to hear the conductor call, just be-
fore the car turned onto Fourteenth
street, Hold fast!" and the way stand
ers made wild grasps for straps made
one think perhaps the car was about to
perform some sort of pas seul. But not
at all! 1t merely Slowed around the cor
ner as our cars do every few minutes
without the warning of any conductor,
and not until it was humming well on
its course up Broadway did people re-
lax their holds and the fixed tension of
their expression Boston Adyer-
tiSer
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
How Did She Know.

young Jordan was out driving with
Miss Popinjay the other evening"" said the
parson, land his horse ran away. They
We're both thrown out, and the buggy was
smashed to pieces. 1t was providential
escape for both of them, but l can't under
stand how the young man came tolose con-
troll of his horse"
He must have been driving with one
hand, tiippantly suggested the ministers
eldest soma mere boy.
COR perhaps he had the rens around his
neck said Edith, a shy society beauty of
16, with a charmingly modest mien.
And then everybody exclaimed in chorus,
why, Edith!-Texas Siftings.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07

have to explain that weather reports and
bearskins didn't mix, and it would be
good hour before we could work him out
of the Office and get down to business.
Sometimes he would go without shooting
at anything, and sometimes he would
bang away at the cat, or the clock, or our
Sunday hat.
Only three weeks ago we hung out a
bulletin warming residents of this locality
against the approach of a cold wave which
would probably send the temperature to
zero or below. Two hours later Bill Hoke
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
A Graduate.

He was suffering with a pain and
slight swelling in his breast and visited
the doctor for relief, who turned him
over to the kid, one of the hospital as
sistants, with instructions to have the
swollen parts painted. The kid dipped
his brush into the iodine, and with a
flourish drew circle around the swol-
len part and proceededlto fill it in, when
the patient remarked,If You are an ex-
pert at making circle. " Eyes, was
the reply, Il was born and raised in a
shooting gallery" The patient faint
ed.-stillwater (Minn.) Prison Mirror.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
A Fine Sight.

What finer sight can be imagined than
two powerful athletes, with no i'll feel
ing toward each other, twisting, wrig-
Cling and squirming to get out of GER
tain positions, when a spectator thinks a
fall inevitable? How eagerly the throng
watch them in their almost superhuman
efforts as they apply holds and then
break them, seize each other with IRE.
sistible force, then spring quickly upon
their feet, till as desperate resort one
of the contestants will turn complete
somersault, lighting nimbly on his feet,
in frantic endeavor to gain the su-
premacy. -Lippincott's.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Three PRAYERS ofaLittle Girl.


God bless us every one. y little
girl in bed in the other room is praying
to go to sleep, but fighting to stay
awake 80 Lord, "said she, make me
good and let me go In the omnibus to
see Aunt Margaret and all the aunts
and nieces and mothers. Don't let it
hail or snow or rain, for l want to go
in the omnibus to see Aunt Margaret
very much indeed, and all the aunts
and nieces and mothers. Make me we'll
so that | can go i'll the omnibus, please
do. Bless grandpa and grandma, Aunt
Kate and Aunt Sophia and Mr.. Charles
Swan. Bless papa and mamma, and
make us all good so that we can go to
heaven at last, for Jesus sake. Amen. "
There was a short pause, and then the
wide awake, defiant voice went on:
Keep grandma from dying before
she gets here. Don't let anything hap
pen to her. Don't let any bears or wild
beasts eat her up. Bless grandpa and
grandma and Mr.. Charles Swan and
Aunt Kate and Aunt Sophia"
Another pause, little longer than
the first, and the unconquered one be-
gan again:
II long for apples. 1 long for milk.
1 long for pie. L long to be good.
wish 1 had not that cold. long for
some brown bread. long for some mo-
lasses. l long for some white bread.
long to be woman. thank thee that
it did not rain or snow. Give me a
clean spirit. Let me be good when papa
is here, for it grieves him to have me
naughty, and he buys me things play
things. have prayed that should go
to sleep. That makes three prayers.
A yawn, a long drawn breath, and
then silence presently announced that
the last prayer was answered, and sleep
reigned. McCauley in Washing
ton Post.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Impressive Byplay.

Miss Wayback-Say, NAV, there s
Mrs. Finestile comm TO call.
Mrs. Wayback-Hurry up stairs, an
wen she knocks JUS open the window
an look out to see who it is. We ii let
ner know we re rather particular about
whom we admit. New York Weekly.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Science and Philosophy.

when something is very difficult to
understand, said the distinguished
professor of biology, lit is called sci
ence; when it is impossible, it is called
philosophy. San Francisco Argonaut.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
4 Sensation of Relief,

Bigbeard bursting into Henry Peck s
ottice)-Give me $4,000 at once, or l eX-
plode this dynamite!
Henry Peck-Great heavens, man! how
you startled me! l thought you were Mrs.
Peck-Puck
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Taking Him Down.

Clara-I don't think Carrie Slopers hus-
band has much of an opinion of himself.
Maud-No. He has been reading over
all the love letters he wrote her before they
were married.-New York Herald
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07

"Oh, will You my wife B?'
He wrote, too scared to say.
She answered, Come and c,
Or else you are Il J"
Washington Star
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07

Miss Elderleigh-I wonder why they re
introducing such old fashioned dances
can't manage to learn them.
Miss CaustiQue the steps will all
come back to You by and by. Chicago
Record
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
PATRIOTIC DUNDER.
HE SHOWS HIS IMPLICIT CONFIDENCE
IN VARIOUS STRANGERS.

And on Eein. Told What Sof; snap He
Has lie Thinks There Is a Limit to All
Things and Refuses to he Worked Any
More.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Kills the Right Ones,

Cholly-The aw-I say, doctaw do you
think the cigawette habit is weally injuwi-
Gus?
Doctor-To individuals perhaps, but not
to the community at large.-Detroit Trib-
Nna
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
At all Prices, except high PRICES.
Stainless aIIWooI Red Underwear
now SIC. All wool tan color,
same nriCc.
same price.

We always have n stock at
prices that are seldom eQuaIIed,
and never bettered Linene and
Linen Collars ard Cuffs Of all
kinds. Shirts of all kinds, Sus-
penders, Carriers NechWcar, Gold
and Plated Buttons, MuffIcrs,
shirt studs, Dress shirts, Under
Wear, BaIbri00an, Merjno, and
all wool OVeraIIs and working
Goats and Jumpers for men
and boys. Boys Knee Pants,
short Pants. Office Goats,
Walters Goats, BARRIERS and Bar
tenders Goats, Butchers and
Grocers Frocks and Aprons,
Hats, Gaps, Trunks, Bags, Um-
breIIas, &c.
Our honest low cash price to
all, everyone made Welcome, and
treated equal. Our prices are
not inflated by loss from a credit
business, andyour dollar is recog-
nized at full Value.
You have only to give us trial
and you can prove to your entire
satisfaction that We are the
greatest bargain giVers in New
FnrIanI
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
A MOVING MAN.

Abe Didn't Have So Much Peartness When
the Old Man Finished.
On the crest of the Iron mountains /
came upon two men sitting ON a log in
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
NOT AHEAD OF THE GAME.

The Partner of His Joys Visibly Disproves
the Assertion.
~ have sad cause to remember this
place" observed the little man with the
yellow whiskers as we walked up and
down the depot platform while waiting for
the train.
"Meet with some bad luck here?'
II did. | was taken i'll on the train
while travelling and was put off here and
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07

4 Chinese Laundry Check is a
LOTTERY T!1Aet, Gao.t7l Prize,
LeDTOsy.
Ss7sio.a People do not buy
Lottery Tickets. Neither do
they oatroaize q Chinese Laun-
dry
Haze your work done By the
Waterbury Steam Laundry, l. ~ 5a@}.
Avoid all Risks.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07

came in from his ranch, stopped at our
bulletin board to read the report, and the
first thing we knew he had us covered with
gun.
Take it tackH' says Bill as we looked
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
True HerOism.

1t should be an important part of the
education of every child to form within
him true and worthy conception of
heroism and to enable him to recognize
it wherever it exists. Too often his only
idea of it is found in the sensational ro-
nance or in the examples around him
of men who for praise or glory or gain
will do daring deeds and manifest phys
ical bravery, often at a fearful cost to
their fellow men. Let US give them
truer ideal and afford them higher ex-
amn1a i1odelDbio eduor
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1894-02-07
Sympathetic Vaccination.

The Listener has heard of something
very queer and quite new to him. 1t
is sympathetic vaccination, which sew
eral people are said to have suffered
from. Without having been vaccinated
at all, but with vaccinated people all
about, you presently feel at times a
stinging or itching sensation in spot
on your arm where the doctor would
have vaccinated you if you had been
vaccinated. In some cases this sympa.
thetic vaccination atfiicts only the left
arm, but occasionally it shifts from one
arm to the other, appearing first on the
left and then for a time on the right.
1t is believed to be a nervous outgrowth
of the continual complaints of vaccinat-
ed people and their everlasting dsscrip
tiop of their sensations. ~sSe~~ V~~