Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1894-08-10

quota. lii his story the lover Of Har-l
riet treated her most cruelty, but She
forgavc him and so--dicd. He saw
my scornful smile at her weakness.
.,You think" he said, sit is not true
to lifep Yol think that Enriqucta
should not forgive him?'
II only know what | would or
would not do in such . case" an
swercd carclessly.
.And you-what would you doe" he
cried with appearance Of intense in
terest
81 think should kill him. said,
calmly and smiling. II think would
stab him through the heart or shoot
him, first calling him 20 defend him
SELF
''But then you would be put in pris-
on" he laughed W
'.And what Of that?"
He burst out laughing still harder.
But, finally, he grew grave and went
away. If he had known! l, to talk
of killing. l., who used to brush the
green grub gently from my roses in
the great garden of my tropical home.
], who shrink at even look of pain.
I, who weep with every heart in sor-
row, who would fain gather every
fearful child to my bosom and hush
away its grief
Stupid, thrice accursed the stupid,
far-sighted Anglo Saxon race, these
dull beings who discern we'll things
and motives too distant to concern
them seriously, yet must have strong
lenses to read the open books OF souls
like mine, throbbing SO close to them!
After that day he seemed to study
me, to note me closely. Then came
the night of all nights of my life for
me never to be forgotten, never to
be forgiven! When he threw himself
into my arms and into my soul -.ry-
ing out passionately, II love you
love you!'
From that night on he never came
to me again. And made no COM
plant. Amazed, stupetied, tortured,
/ suffered in proud silence. 1T did
not enter my head for long weeks
that has only thought had been to
gain a new experience "a new passion
to be made use of in another novel
another vivisection of soul! We
met-casually-in the street He
seemed to await something: fool that
he was, he awaited my attempt to
murder him--to avenge the injury to
my heart Fool that I was, not to
know it! only walked my way half
dead-but cold and proud and appar-
emily utterly forge tful of the clasp of
his arms, the pressure of his lips
Doubtless he had forgotten the
mimosa, in which there is no deadli-
ness-only a power to shrink and
suffer.
Maria Santissima! How lonely one
can be in such a great city. How
tired one may grow of liyingl How
purpose1ess may seem the struggle /,
who only desire to love and be loved
II, whose dearest wish for life would
be to devote myself to a fond and
faithful husband suffer in this
way! To reach out feverish hands for
the pure and dew moist rose of love
and only grasp the singing nettle of
deceit!
1t seems as if years had passed since
] wrote what comes before this. 1t
may be an hour or two. A tap came
at my door. ] opened it and stood
face to face with him. He came in
without invitation, smiling, blond
and with pretense of superiority.
''Ah, busye" he laughed lightly
But is it not warm hereo Why do you
not throw wide the windows?" He
flung one higher and sat down on the
sill, sat carelessly out in such way
as one might sit and easily lose his
balance.
Have care!'' l said. sharply. But
he only laughed
81 have not seen you in so long he
said, II thought you might be dead or
married.
81 might say the same to YOU" I
answered slowly. 4 had not given
my hand. | stood by the table in the
middle of the room.
ZIP" he echoed, Struggling his shout
ders. pas 81 bette! No marriage for
me-"
'sYou can then live without 1ove?n /
asked composedly-
ooh, no: snatch the blossoms as
go culling here and there a rare
flower at the wayside to remember
pleasantly for day or two-until
fairer attracts
This from him to me. 1 made a
quick step forward toward him. /
swear before high heaven my only
thought was to spit upon him 4 to call
him dog-to command him TO leave
my room and never dare to look at
me again. But he-coward that he
was-nistook my purpose. A scared
look flashed over his face. He made
a sudden movement to regain his bal
ance on the windowsill and only lost
it the more. With choking cry he
fell backward My heart stood still
at the sound on the stone flags below.
They have taken him away in the
| shall be held
as witness. | have come upstairs TO
pun away my PdPeio. NoHuer II i
shall ever forget the look on his face
as he fell? He will Gull no more
flowers vivisect no more souls. The
open window fascinates me- must
not look at it-or I shall run and cast
myself out and die upon the very
spot. Would it be sin? ! am so tired
and bruised. So tired! And yet-one
look from the sill down into the dark
ness! Oh, God protect and save