The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-06-17

| General 70 send me enough money to buy
| one" Requests are commonly addressed
| TO cabinet officers for loans or gifts of
money TO lift mortgages from farms or
for other worthy purposes.
THE PosTOFFICE BOTHERED.
Mr. Bissell got letter the other day
from crank, who said that he had writ
| ten to the Secretary of the Interior on the
( same subject and had received no reply
I The communication was about a patent
1 The writer said: IF / should discover
| that Hoke Smith has thrown my letter into
| the waste paper basket | would consider
MN very unenterprising man In that
[ event will make it my particular bust
/ ness to get square on him some day." An
/ other person sends a complaint from Hot
/ Springs, Ark. He says that he has writ
ten to Mr.. Cleveland, Buffalo Bill and
other great men on certain subject, but
has had no reply. He adds: "All these
things look very suspicious and very dark
/ for our postmaster. l don't like The looks
OF our postmaster" OF course, his no.
ton is that his letters have been inter
cepted at the local postofice.
One man sends thanks for his appoint
ment as postmaster, and refers to Mr.
/ Cleveland as his second God" Persons
| afflicted with the stamp-collecting mania
| are constantly writing to the Postmaster
| General for complete sets of all the
United States stamps ever issued. Some
times, however, they want only certain
rare ones. OF course, Mr.. BiSSel has no
| stock of out-of-date stamps to draw on.
! Nearly all of them could be reproduced
from the original dies in possession of the
/ department, but the latter is not engaged
in that sort of business
There is stout and shaggy man, with
somewhat the aspect of an anarchist,
| who bOthers the postoflice department
good deal with an imaginary claim. He
| represents himself as attorney for man
who, in the sixties earned a vast sum of
money by carrying mails. the money
| was never paid. Several reports have
been made on this matter, but it is wholly
a deluslon. Claims are brought up in the
| department again and again wiGh each
succeeding administration. They are
most numerous in the interior and treas
ury
Some of the cranks have a poetic turn.
One of them wrote to Secretary Smith
the other day, saying: Being olsen
gagged, 1t OCCURS TO me to pen a brief
1 essay for thee and thy fair lady Thou
| knowest there are thoughts that burn the
brain and scar the soul far more than
blazing coal" And so on for dozen
pages of closely written manuscript. An
old soldier asks TO be provided with a
tirst-class, well-improved and furnished
small fruit and truck farm He offers to
pay for it with the net income of the
property IN ten years, provided it is
near good market"
CHoPPING WOOD WITH RAZOR.
A lunatic in Nebraska inquiries What
is the best form of law TO regulate the
American industry of chopping wood
with raZor!' 1t is a milder crank who
referring to a patent, incloses to the
Secretary of the Interior a phrenological
chart of himself. to show what an inven-
tive genius he is. Another man desires to
know if there is any law by which an
honoraby discharged soldier can with
draw his discharge and sell it for cash
One correspondent wants to know where
he can procure divining rod for use in
finding money buried in Texas during the
Mexican war. Another in Pennsylvania
asks to know about reward which'the
government is supposed to have offered
for the discovery of a tin mine in his
county.
Recently man who wanted place in
a land Office out west, addressed the Sec
rotary of the Interior He said that he
supposed the best way was to be friendly
and not too stiff in addressing the secre-
tary. Following out this idea, he began
with Dear Hoke," and used the utmost
freedom of style throughout his letter
| No answer was returned. Three weeks
later telegram from him was received
by the Secretary. 1t read simply, "Hoke
start for Washington overland on one
horse. Hold Office till arrive" He has
not arrived yet, and nothing further has
been heard from him Iupumerable people
have written to Hoke Smith claiming
kinship with him on the strength of sim
ilarity of last names.
There are people all over the country
who imagine that it is part of the duty of
the Attorney General of the United States
to give free legal advice to anybody that
asks for it, For example, a man will
write, saying: IF l owe two weeks
board and have Sl2 due me for carpenter
work, can the boarding house keeper at
tach my wages" TO all such communi-
cations reply is made by a circular which
states that the Attorney General is not
obliged by law to furnish information to
anybody except the President and officers
of the cabinet. Not even a senator bv
the way, could demand information from
him, though he would probably grant it
as matter of courtesy.
Appeals are often addressed to the
President for pardons in cases where an
plications have been in vain to the gov
ernors of states. OF course, Mr. Cleve-
land has no jurisdiction over criminals
convicted under state laws. One such
appeal reached the white house the other
day 1t was written in behalf of a COL
ored man, who languished in Jail owing to
an ill-restrained appetite for other peo-
pies chickens. The letter quoted poem
about bird pining for freedom in cage
1t ended by saying, will you not touch
the spring that opens the cage door and
let the blackbird tiy2"
EZRA, KING OF HEAVEN
A regular correspondent of the depart
ment of state signs himself Ezra, King Of
Heaven, No. 3S:2 rs. Perhaps that is
the number of his mansion in the skies.
At all events, his fad is postal cards. He
will write a letter on twenty postal
cards, mum boring them consecutively,
and putting his signature on the last
one. Sometimes he mails letters, using
small advertising pictures gummed to the
envelopes in lieu of postage stamps.
What he writes is mostly incoherent.
but it is intended to announce the issuing
of edicts by himself for the government
of the country.
Whenever any international complica-
ton occurs. the department of state gets
lots of advice. On such occasions race
antagonists among adopted Americans
come out strongly, Irish-Americans want
Uncle Sam to jump on England French
Americans do not believe in tolerating
German interference in Samoa, and so ii
goes. Another regular correspondent OF