Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-04-29
A liars license.

He Is now open for business. and al
though he has not advertised his new &C.
cupation extensively. has secured num-
Der OF members Tor the order, and ~
being besieged by other applicants. lie
IL duly qualified TO conduct the Office, and
Is issuing licenses daily.
Following is the style OF the license:
THE ANCIENT. RECKLESS. AND IN
DEPENDENT ORDER OF PREVAIL
GATORS.
LIARS LICENSE, 1884,
This Is 10 certify that ---ls
entitled 10 lie from the LIST day OF Janu-
AIRY to the 3lst day OF December, he being
a duly-qualiGed liar, and having salts
fed the l.. c. 4. X. and l. o. of +. that
he is fit and proper person TO hold a
license.
AS witness my hand this day Of
-----. 1894. L. II. A. MOTHER.
Secretary of State to His Internal Ma
jesty."
Now, think what a license is given you
by this little piece OF paper. Should you
tell that same old lie which YOU have
!mmortalized by the frequency with WHICH
you have sprung 1t. and as is so very
probable by this time. one OF your friends
should shuttle off this mortal coil there
from, ii would give you immunity from
arrest. Then again. when your wife finds
that note from Lucy in your pocket and
begins TO cross-questlon you. with what
good grace can you tell her that it was
intended for some other man. and reached
You only by mistake. when you remember
that you are duly licensed TO not tell
the truth. on what Il boon this club is
destined to prove to long-sunerlng hui
mainly. Why, II Will even hold good.
so ! am told, in court" room. Think
of that. you gay young decevers. when
you are hauled up by that once-upon-a-
timc-onlicst-of-only girls. and made de-
PENDANT in a breach-of-promise case.
when you are put upon your oath 10 tell
the truth. the whole truth and nothing
but the truth, and you want TO deny
having written those fulsome letters, but
are afraid 10 do SO, you can go down IN
your clothes. and, presenting this little
unassuming and unpretentiOus piece Of
Paper to the court. proceed To lie out OF
the whole business. Did it ever occur to
you what such a privilege would be
worth?
This is not exactly n FRYE advertisement.
Eut by request | urge upon you. one
and all. to lose no time in calling on
the Colonel and pNvidng yourself with
one. II you don't know where he Is
located the information will be cheerfully
furnished you at this office.
4 story IS going the rounds OF business
circles here, in which a young and en-
torprising insurance-man plays the star
part and a prominent banker holds no
mean position 1t appears that some time
since this particular insurance-man. hay
Ing set his mind on securing n risk on
the lie OF this banker. entered the lat
ter's Office and found him engaged I'm par
taking Of a monday lunch. lie thought
the opportunity propitious. and with only
Il commonplace salutatiOn as an intro
duction. began talking insurance in a very
glib manner. The banker soon checked
him and told him he had no time 10 talk
Insurance. MY time" he said, rs valu-
able"
How valuable?" queried the deter
mined agent.
"Wen l suppose it Is worth about 800
per hour"
"Wil you sell me one half-hour Of it?'
Eyes, sir; at that rate"
This reply was perfectly satisfactory
TO the irrepresslble life-insurer and he
forthwith pulled out a roll OF bank-not s
and counted out very carefully so. This
he handed to the banker who quietly re-
counted the money. deposited II In his
pockets and said, II am al your disposal,
sir"
The agent then produced his papers.
and insurance-talk flowed from his mouth
like rain in an April shower. lie sue
ceeded In twenty minutes in convincing
the man of money that he should take
out a policy, and he being man with
whom To think IS TO act forthwith drew
his check for $40, In payment OF the first
premium. Upon receiving the check the
lightning insurer arose to depart, but be
fore doing so drew out his watch, and
clancing at il. said: II still have ten min
utes OF your time due me; but this | shall
not claim, being content to donate that
TO YOU"
ooh. no." replied the banker, Il be-
lieve in fair dealing. You have only uu-
lied twenty minutes Of my time, conse-
quently am only entitled to $685."
He thereupon counted ont the differ
encc, which he refunded to his temporary
employer, who went off congratulating
himself on his business ability.
There are two young men In Richmond,
who. while they are probably 500 poorer In
pocket, are richer in experience 10 very
considerable extent. Last week they lett
Richmond together TO visit old Point,
and while there they wandered TO New
port News to see the sights of that fu-
ture great seaport. Some time after dark
they entered one OF the dance halls, for
which Newport News Is notorious, and
were having a big time that Is, they say
they were), when a peculiar feeling OF
drowsiness overcame them both stimuli
taneously. They had been imbbing pretty
freely, and were sufficiently under the IN
fluencc of liquor not 10 be at all suspl-
cious. The girl who had been sitting AT
the table with them, and who had been
also imbibing at their expense, appeared
TO be fading into insigniiicance 10 their
benighted vision. Soon everything became
a blank to them, and when they again
began TO realize that they were living
beings. the fact that they had been drug
ged dawned on them.
The sun was streaming In through the
windows, and the girls who had been sing
ing and dancing on the stage had van
ishcd. as had also the fair inamorata.
who had been sharing the spurious fer
menti with them. There was positively
no one about and no one answered their
calls. The rolls OF notes which had been
I'm the pockets of each had disappeared
also. and presumably with the fair
maidens. The young men, feeling heartily
ashamed OF themselves. climbed out Of
one Of the back windows of the establish
ment. and wended their way 10 the depot.
Their tickets 10 Richmond had not been
disturbed by the thieves, and after seve-
raj hours OF as dreary a wait as they
had ever undergone these two disgusted
mortals boarded the train for Richmond.
They made an agreement with each other
that this unfortunate experience should
not be breathed 10 a SOUL but such things
will out, and IL Is now being very feely
talked OF by the friends OF the young
men. They, however. are as dumb as
oysters on the subject.
\ young telegraph operator Of this city
some time since had occasion 10 receive
a message from WASHINGTON, end not
liking the manner In which the dispatch
was sent by the operator at the other
end Of the line. proceeded 10 'cuss him
out" He thought no more CT the mat
ter until. when he visited Washington
last week. IL was forcibly recalled TO his
memory. While walking alony tine averue.
drinking In with his eyes the beauties
OF the nations capital. he was shocked
and almost startled by receiving several
blows In quick succession on the back OF
hik head. He grappled with his assailant,
and together they rolled over the asphalt