The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1894-03-22
A VISIT TO UTAH.
AN instance of the Preponderance o,
Smiths in That Territory.


Smiths in That Territory.
That l know about a magnificent
territory and its vastly interesting
population is due solely to accident. .
had become ashamed of sailing east
year after year, and made up my mind
TO hitch my wagon to the star of EN-.
pre- and learn something of my own
great country.
L knew there was a territory called
Utah. where Mormons INDUCED in the
domestic eccentricity of polygamy, and
that was all. I might visit Salt Lake
City. All would depend upon circum-
stances. All did. 1t CHANGED that in
the middle of October | found myself
in a mining town.
was to cross the mountains on
horseback, and snow blocked the way.
L sat disconsolately in one of those
hostelries that reconcile you to instant
death. 1t was gotten up on the noble
principle of violating every longing of
the human soul.
No lath and plaster had ever defilcd
the virgin Boards that separated one
human being from another 1t didn't
make any difference which door was
banged upon. All humanity responded
to the thunder. AS even a worm will
turn, so did my soul revolt when one
morning at an unearthly hour voice
from my keyhole shouted: ''Smith, it's
,-tipse to skip
MY names not Smith," I replied,
aroused from dreams of home.
What is your name, then? If it ism t
Smith it ought to be-you're down in
the register as Smith,
''No that's not Smith" shouted my
opposite neighbor, the day clerk.
''Smith's at the end of the hall"
well, this is the end of the hall"
aren't there two ends? It's the
other end, you fool"
'Who wants Smith?" asked sharp
voice in the distance. 'I'm smith,
whats the matter? I'm Smith, :"
shouted still another voice.
Were the guests all Smiths, myself
excepted?
'Well, whichever Smith wants to get
up at four o'clock, him's the one, :"
growled the keyhole.
Both the Smiths slammed their re-
spective doors with big, big D..
cts Smith in No. l." screamed the
day clerk, and the idiotic porter per-
formed reveille on No. l until the
right Smith responded, and everybody
but the other two Smiths and myself
put out their heads wanting to know
where the fire was.
IF Slnn,Nir,cr 10 oh
say of the feeding?
Eat, drink and be merry" was the
cheerful salu tation suspended over the
dining room entrance 1t was a sichly
sarcasm, as there was nothing to eat,
nothing to drink away from the bar,
and being merry under such circum-
stances was more than could be ex-
pected from even Mark Tapley
This was not the town where read
the significant scale of prices war
ranted to meet the requirements of any
appetite:
Goou meal. ................. ................S 81
5qudre ineal.. "a
Terlect Borge.'.......... ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. W
- dared not eXpostulate for It was in
this sylvan retreat that an innocent
who carried his right hand to the rea
of his person and laid it firmly upon a
very perceptible pistol, Ham or
bacon?"
Both replied the ''tenderfoot. +"
This was too much for human endur-
ance. Drawing forth his pistol, the
unsophisticated child of the mountains
exclaimed; NO SIGH epicurean gor-
mandism were allowed in that ar COM
munity"'
Being taken for Smith was an in
suit; being starved to death was an in
jury. 1t was time for me to go. Shak-
ing the snow off my feet, l madly
started for the nearest big town. 1t
Glanced to be Salt Lake City. | ex-
pected to remain a week. | tarried one
year.-Kate Fields Washington.