The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1894-05-05
puNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

" y :
downfall?" "Lost his balance. "-Roch-
ester Democrat.
--"Thc modern servant doesn't know
her place" ''She can't; she changesit
too often. Puck.
Those who fall by the wayside do
not get credit even for. the mileage
they earned Journal.
-"That barber of yours that you
sent me isn't fit to shave dog" swell,
it's queer that didn't think of that
when sent you."-Inter Ocean.
81 hear Smith has got married to a
southern lady" "Yes; he went south
to save his lungs, and lost his heart"
The dentist can hardly lay claim to
originality. He is all the time taking
things out of other peoples mouths
Boston Transcript.
Shakespeare spoke of the seven
ages of man. This proves his discrim-
ination. Woman has one and generally
sticks to it.-Philadelphia Times.
-s'Why was their engagement broken
off? Did they quarrel?' mo; that was
the trouble. They were both SO amia-
BILE that they got tired of each other"
Philadelphia Record.
-Mary-''Do you believe it is posi-
BILE for girl to be so homely as to stop
clock?" Jane-"I don't know. You
can easily find out, however. boston
Transcript
--Would-be Purchaser-"How much
for this picture?" Artist-'The price
is $1,000" "Why, man alive! you ex-
pect to be paid for your work as if you
had been dead four or five hundred
years!" Joker. :
--Doctor-"Has your daughter been
delicate always?" Mother-"O, yes; if
she does anything about the house it
exhausts her so that she is not able to
dance longer than midnight some
times."--Inter Ocean.
-Jillson says that with all due re-
spect for the old proverb, when the
average servant-girl gets through with
a piece of valuable bric-a-brac it is
generally too late to mend.-Bufalo
Courier.
"A gentleman once asked the cele-
brated DR.. Abernethy If he thought
the moderate use of snuff would injure
the brain. "No, sir" was Abernethy's
reply; for no man with single ounce
of brain would ever think of taking
snuff"
IL want you to understand" said a
belligerent man at a meeting, that
you can't be any car here" "Well,
them" said the other as he sulkily got
into his overcoat, ''Pll hunt up my
stenographer. I'll be dictator if l
die for it. "-Washington Star.
"A man points out to his wife wild
looking parsonage and says: THAT
man. my dear, has rendered eminent
services to German poetry" "Why.
because he writes so well?" "No; be-
cause he has stopped writing. File
gende Batter.
Pat has offered his school-fellow q
bite from his apple and is astonished
at the large portion measured off by
Mikes teeth. Here, l say, hold on
there, hold on!'' Then, correcting him
go!''-Boston Transcript.
-Customer-"Gimm bout half q
dozen dynamite cartridges" Dealer
"What do you want with them?" Gus
toner ''Want to blow up some
stumps." Dealer-''O. you are a far
mer, ch? was afraid You might be a
college student. "-Indianapolis Jour.
nal.
I'm 1880 sailing car was tried on
the South Carolina railroad. Its trial
trip was made with fifteen gentlemen
on board. When going at the rate OF
twelve miles an hour the mast went
overheard with several of the crew,
and the result was general discourage
ment.
-''See here" said the citizen, as he
put stubby finger down on copy of
the paper, dis here item says dat / got
q contract workin' for de state
.'Well," said the editor, I'VE under
stood that you had been awarded a
carting contract" $50 l has, and /
want you to say SO in de mex paper.
De way it come out, widout sayin' wot
de contract was, about half me friends
will t'ink been sent to de pen. I'm
diauanO1is JOurnal