Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1894-09-12

band)-"Oh, Mr. Kapellmeister. please
play that adagio little faster-the soup
is ready to be served. "-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
Her religions is very much like her
dress: she can put it on or off, just. as
she pleases" Yes and like her ball
dress at that; there isn't very much to
it. '-Life's Calendar
Some men," said Uncle Eben, is
SO soured on human nature dat when er
friend returns borrowed umbrelf dey
thinks it am a reflection on de umbrellas
quality. Washington Star.
1t is strange fact that the man
who sings most energetically and effect
lively of "A Life on the Ocean Wave
becomes seasick before he gets both feet
Oh the Washington Star.
-"Minna, there is three months &C,
emulation of dust on the piano. said
cannot help that, madam" replied the
girl; Il have been here but two weeks. .
From the German.
After ALL remarked the thoughtful
young man, there's such a thing as hay
ing more money than you need. A man
can't enjoy more than one thing at
time That's verwy twue,' replied
Cholly. "A fellow cawn't smoke a ciga-
wette and chew a toothpick both at once,
can he?'-Washingto Star
No Bias.-Johnson-'I have been
chosen as arbitrator in the matter OF
those labor troubles on the X, Y. u Il.
roadr' Thompson-"Why, you are
stakeholder in that road" Johnson
That's just it. Everybody wanted
disinterested party. and the Stockholders
haven't received a dividend in fifteen
years. Puck.
Old John was a shoemaker, an Irish
man. and an ardent admirer of the Duke
of Wellington. To describe the battle of
Waterloo was his chief pleasure. He al
ways wound up the narrative, sitting
with his hammer poised, his spectacles
pushed back on his forehead; and his
whole appearance indicating the utmost
enthusiasm, with the words: An the
duke seq. sez he, Up, guards, an at EN-!
an wild that, simultaneously, at the same
time. all to onct. the guards upped an
atted at 'em. An that settled it. '-Har-
per's Drawer.
Mother" said little girl looking up
from her book, what does transatlantic
mean?' "Oh, across the Atlantic, of
course. Don't bother me; you make me
forget my count" Does trans always
mean across?" Il suppose it does. If
you don't stop bothering me with your
questions you'll go to bed" ''Then does
transparent mean a cross parentT'-Iid
Bits.
The woman was before the police
Judge for having beaten her husband
in a cruel manner. You are charged"
said His Honor, with aggravated as
sault and battery. What have you to
say?' That's just it, yer Honor" the
prisoner responded, promptly: IF he
hadn't aggravated me / never would
have raised my hand to him."-Detroit
Free Press.
In the White NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
able Invalid-"I came here for hay fever,
Al l,nl, XT,11
you've got it, haven't you ?"-Life.
-Teacher-"What is the nearest ap-
preach to nihilism in America Tommy
Alaska. Truth.
-Dinks-"According to some of the
scientists, the human race is gradually
growing smaller. Strange, isn't it,"
Danks-''I dunno. People have got to adj
just themselves to the modern fiat some
way. Buffalo Courier.
-Mother-''I have just heard some
thing that you ought to know Your
father tells me that your husband is hope
lessly involved" Married Daughter
Isn't that lovely. Now, may be, he'll
make over all his property to me. New
York Weekly.
She had accepted him and he was
happy. You sweet thing" he exclaimed,
folding her in his arms, you are mine
alone" Come off she murmured, soft
ly: you needn't think you have a sugar
trust snap."-Detroit Free Press.
"A subscriber writes. asking the mean
ing of the silent watches of the night
We answer with pleasure that they are
those which the owners neglect to wind up
before retiring.-Tid-Bits
"A City Boarder.-Dude (angrily)-
How the deuce can [ get over this
blamed fence without bagging my twow-
sahs at the knees?' Farmer Qaconically)
Take 'em offr'-Truth.