davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
Waiting For Dead Mons Shoes.

Waiting for dead mems shoes is an
old proverDlal expression and in con-
nection with army officers and their
wives still has remarkable signifi.
canoe. Said an officers wife a few
evenings since: II do dislike to take
up an army register and scan the per-
sonals to see if any one outranking
the captain is i'll or to keep an eye
upon the old officers and figure out
when they will be retired. But I'm
not as bad rs some others. Why.
they get life insurance tables and
study mortuary probabilities to see
when an officer may be promoted by
reason Of death among officers out
ranking him. If some officers die as
they should according to rule, the
captain will be general before he is
60 years old. Isn't it mean business
to think about But we get paid
back, for when my husband is old
all the rank and file will be indulg-
ing in the same kind of speculation
and wondering why old General
Blank doesn't die. "-Cincinnati Trib-
INN
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
When &c Think Not.

This anecdote is told of Rev. Mr..
Kidd, a Scotch minister, who was
very eccentric and had his own way
Of doing things Just as the year
was opening" says one Of his parish.
toners, Il was very. busy in my shop,
when, rightin the midst Of my work,
in stepped the parson. Did you ca
pect me:' was his abrupt inquiry.
withoutevcr giving or waiting for a
salutation. No, sir. was my reply,
] did not What if l had been
DEATH he asked, in solemn, ear
nest tone, aud out hc stepped as he
had come and was gone almost be.
foro knew ."-EAcAange.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
The Cir; Wps Thcre.

She is the brown eyed girl who
works in the telephone exchange,
aud he il the young man who Is
sometinses, more energetic than court
tOus.
Hello, central, he called the other
day, this is the second time ! have
called you. Have you been asleep"
Yes" she answered sweetiy, Il
have, and had such q strange dream,
thought heard voice from the
Internal regions and awoke just IN
time to hear YOU calling What r7!r.
lerS Washington star
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
How Solomon Built the TEN pic.

Vast galleries and lofty piers he.
meath the present surface of the site
of the temple at Jerusalem show
how, il accordance with the descrip-
ton of Josephus, the level of tho
highest part of the mountain was
carried on toward tho south and east
by colossal masonry, the original
work and design Of Solomon hav'
ing been augmented by later add
tionB. more especially by those OF
the magnificent Herod, shortly BE-
fore the Christian ora. The south
ern wall Of this terrace mountain
reached sheer height Of $50 feet.
pittsburg Dispatch
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
Ca Versus Theology.


One Of the oldest mistakes that
ever occurred, it is safe to say, in
Chicago or anywhere else, happened
to a South Side druggist, Mr.. ], H.
Hogey. His servant, Bridget, was
washing the steps Of his house on
Vernon avenue. Along came an en-
ployee of the gas company, who
wished to enter the house to read the
gas meter. He had thick book un-
der his arm, in which he is wont to
register the figures Of tho various
meters which he examines Unfor-
tunately he is an EngishInan. with
pronounced cockncy accent and
Bridget is not overnight. This is
what the inspector SAID as he took
his book from under his urn: Good
morning, madam. All would like to
read the gaas bill" This is what
Bridget said;
I've to cuke the breakfast anhave
no time now to listen to tho gospel.
But it's me july, my good WON.
an. I must read the gaas bill, and you
must let me. Allow me to enter"
"Divil a sthep,' said Bridget,
Come agin, when I've no worruk, an
III listen to yer gospel"
Tomake Il long story short, the man
couldn't make Bridgetsdnderstard
him, and he didn't understand her
and reported to the company that he
was not allowed to look at the gas
meter. and the company took the
meter out of the house before the
mistake was found. Tran
srrint
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
u uliHnl In ParVO.

Much in little this sentence means.
Ii has almost become a proverb. because
the expression can be used in 40 many
instances in no instance, however,
can this saying he used with greater
propriety than in speaking Of DR..
PIERCE Pleasant Pellets. There is in
mpch in u little uuI Of them there IS a
"a Tor many 4 headache relief fronI
dyspepsia, bilioasness, CONSTIPATION,
.o'c, and piles and restoration to health
and happiness. Much good IN. little
i ace.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
HAD 4 COWBOY AUDIENCE.
A Performance Aftor the Show Was Owe,
That Won Their Hearts.


That Won Their Hearts.
Il was down in Texas some years
ego. SAID John Turner, tho banjoist,
recently, land l want to tell you that
! had the liveliest as we'll as the most
pleasing experience in my life. I
forget the name of the town we
played at, but l know we made a
jump from that to Fort Worth.
We'll, we gave show to the
toughest audience l ever struck-all
cowboys, and tho widest kind. l
came on to do my turn. l started in
to play a march, when a big fellow
in one of the front seats stood up and
yelled:
Here. that don't gol Play us a
jigr T.,
THE rest of the house began yell
Ing 'Jig1 jig! jig' until they we're all
at it and you couldn't hear yourself
talk. When they quoted down, I
played them q rafting jig. l fin'
ished it up in good shape, and 1t
seemed to hit EN- pretty hard, for,
when l started in to play another
tune, the same big fellow stood up
and yelled:
"'Play that over again.
II played it 10 times before I got
away from them. That wasn't the
end Of it either After the show we
were told to catch the 8 o'clock train
for Fort Worth. My side partner,
good old Tom Mcqueen, and myself
started from the theater about II 80
o'clock for the depot, and incidental
ly we thought we would get drink
on the way, We dropped into
place where there was gang drink
ing and walked quietly up to the bar.
"Give me a little whisky, says I
to the bartender.
"'Set 'em up for tho boys" broke
in q voice behind me.
1T was the big fellow who yelled
at tho theater.
Don't have go much to say, put
In Tom, who was rather hasty.
Say. you're tho fellow that sung
that song at tho show. amt your
asked the big fellow.
Yves, am, and ] never sang be-
fore such a mob IN my life, said
Tom.
"'Well, mister, I amt a rich man,
but I've got a s. sinner in my peck.
ct for you if you'll sing that song
again
"'I1l sing you another said Tom,
and without another word ho began
Home, Sweet Home Talk about a
time! Why, every one Of those big
fellows was crying and sniveling
around as if their hearts were break
ing, and don't know but what I
shed a couple Of tears myself. Tom
sang 1t out Of sight anyway. Why,
even the bartender was wiping his
Dyes with his shirt sleeve. AS soon
as Tom was through the bartender
began putting bottles and glasses on
the bar.
"'Anything You want, gents. You
can have anything in tho house
Everybody wanted to treat. The
big fellow insisted on buying US a
couple Of bottles Of whisky each.
Then he caught sight of my banjo,
and l had to play that old jig over
about IS times. 1t was getting near
train time, and we had to make
break. Everybody in the saloon
went to the depot with US. even the
bartender, who locked the place up.
You never heard such mob Of yell.
ing Indians in your life. We got on
the train all right, and as she pulled
out the big fellow yelled:
"'Ha. you singer, and the man
with the banjo! come back some
time You can have the town.
Whoop!"-New York Herald.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
4 Taking Device.

II mover saw any ono so fussy as
thay nre at tho Tower Of London.
When we went there to sec the crown
Jewels, they wouldn't let us take in
o,i, satchels or cameras or anything"
Why, of cours they wouldn't.
You could have taken the jewels
easier with your camera than with
ANYTHING else Newport News.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
T'AB FUNNY Side
OF LIFk.
STORIES THAT IRE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.

Teacher in what way did
Noah display his wisdom:
Johnie-Went in when it was rainin.
Johnnie wonder why they call these
parlor matches?
Tommy-1 guess it's cause they are
the kind that pops.
Chellie--Hal ba .ha ! ha ! / just
heard such an awful good joke.
Fwed-What was it ?
Chollie -Aw-I'ye fohgotten.
Customer-Havs you copy Of
Fifteen Decisive Battles -
Bookseller-No, sir, we are sold out
But VT can give you Reflections Of q
married man.
Mrs. Wonder- don't under
stand how men can make money in buy
, ing and selling wheat that has never
been grown.
NJ. Opshun (who las tried iD-
Neither do |.
All. me! cried tie heavy villain
As his arms toward heaven he tost,
If perchance / am discovered
! Then sure am lost, lost lost.
chen up spake u boy in the gall cry
| high.
! There's too much of that to 60
round.
For if by chance you're discovered
Whv then you are found, found.
! fOaad
Sh" (Atter George had proposed)-
You know, George. papa is thinking
seriously of giv'ngu our home.
d1e-Wcll. dear 4 man who is in loye
as I am ought to be willing to take
some chance.
D,gby-W Where did YEA Het that new
hat?
hisby-At ray hatter's.
D. What did It cost
H All friend Of m,re knew about
how lie last election was coming ont.
Grinder is about 70 realize all the
dreams Of life.
-Su> blrv-Rich uncle dead ?
No; HIS wife has graduated from a
cooking chool that teaches the making
of thirteen different kinds Of pie.
j Dlagg'ns is one OF the men who speak
disrespectfulIy Of prominent people. A
great pianist was pointed out to him
recently WITH the remark
D. YOU note the weary expressi IN OF
! his face?
He seems 10 haye Il great deal on his
mind. doesn't he?
A great deal on his mind ? repeated
Blaggins. scorpfllIy. Oh, yes, you
mean HAIR
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
Is HIDDEN BIRDS.

I've sst on the stone chatting with
each other.
"A merl.ng ls a small fish.
S-And yet the star fingers Aboye
the mountain.
4-Oren the door and leave the wind
puff in.
5-The train went on with rushing
speed.
G-Thc Tyre is an ancient musical
instrument.
1.-THE bays have umbcr bathing
suits.
8--Uatsspex mostly on cold night
9-And 10. on the plains were the
sayagcs.
lO-Umte oil with water and yon
have M emulsion.
lit is Of NO use let it 60.
l2-The Belladonna is a deadly poi.
son.
lS-Fred started for home yesterday.
a L.st :.,gnt her only child left
her.
l5-They are regular ruthans.
Answers next week.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
= : : : : - -
Smoking and Infection.

II used to smoke, and I always
made a poipt of smoking in cases Of
cholera and in every other kind Of
infectious disease, when could man
age it, and,especially when attending
patients in tho hospital or on board
ship
"You regard it, then, as thorough
disinfectanti'
"No, not as i thorough disinfect-
ant, but it is u disinfectant 1t has
some power, and especially if per.
CON has not a good square meal in
eide him. Then it has an effect in
warding of an infectious disease"
II should have thought that slnok-
ing, tending to depress the nervous
system, would have laid the smoker
open to the infection"
YES, your must remember I have
spoken of a man with whom smoking
does not disagree A good deal de-
ponds on the idiosyncrasy of the per-
son who smokes. If he cannot stand
smoking well, then it may depreea
his heart action and enfeeble his con
stitution, and SO lessen the resisting
power to throw off the infectious
germs. But on broad, general
grounds, I am decidedly of opinion,
from my own experience and obser.
walton, that tobacco smoking-other
things being equal-does give any
one exposed to infection consider
able amount of immunity. And then,
smoking has disinfectant power on
the microbes themselves. The smoke
being retained in the mouth is sort
of disinfectlng filter through which
the germs have to pass, and some OF
them certainly are destroyed or at
least deprived of their vitality. DIR.
Norman Kerr Interviewed.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
Maintaining Etiquette.

A Mein fraulein, will YOU permit
me to introduce you to my friend b.
Young Lady-7But- YOU are your
eelf q perfect stranger ttme.
A-Oh, but my friend B will in
troLuce me- tc voN rrceen+'v File
c~eri" Ela-4er
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
The more We re admired.

"She wrote in a handwriting
clerky,
She talked with an emphasis
jsiky,
She painted On tiles, in the
sweetest OF styles
But she didn't know chicken
from turkey"
But she knew DR. Pltrce's Golden
Medical Discovery to b. the very best
remedy for sallow and unhealthy
Il brightens the skin by
acting on the liver and removing all
the bilious or scrotulcns poison from
the blood. Sure cure alev for cuusumr.
.;ort i''is ci,N -ta. rs
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
\ FLORAL PHANTASY.

lam the Crysanthemuln.
! know I'm yalIar
And sometimes yallower.
But | am in it
'oust the same.
am aware | AM built
Somewhat
After the pattern of a mop,
But, yet.
am an ofti orescent epitome
OF the great American spirit
OF git thar.
For I struck this country
A stranger,
Without Il scent
And no capital
Except my blooming shape.
But | stood straight up
And held my head high
And do yet
AItd to Day myself
And my defendants
Are 10 the floral Four Hundreds,
And the more
Frllls
We deyelepe
The more We re admired.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
LILY AND ROSE.

LILY ANU KOSt.
70 the lily said the rose:
why is it, do you suppose,
Tha. you meyer blush At all.
Is your modrs,y go sulal|P'
To the rose the lily said
IF my tace is meyer red
It's because my life is pure;
I've no canse to blush, I'm sure
Red,1er still the rose now grew,
And her eyes filled 10 with dew;
J.ow her naughty head is bent.
The lily didn't give scent.
Add you hear Miss Howlnski at
the concert the other night?
BSss. was there.
How did she make out?
There was a perfect jam at the doors
that is, the exit doors-as soon as she
began to slng.
"Oh, for the wings of dove she
sang
As she lifted hcr voice and curled
her bang;
Not that she wanted to fly, but that
She tboughtthey'd he nice to trim
ler hat.
DO you know the nature OF an OATH
asked Judge duffy Of bard looking
witness.
Well. guess do. I We been driv'
ing horse car for the past FIVE Years.
Jrnts-lband!ed $4,000 900 during
my visit TO the Treasury Department
in Washington.
Binks-Ah but I have had my
grip upon $3.50 900 600
Jenks-Where? When? How?
Binks-I once shook bands with
Vanderbilt.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25

The boys are getting very grum,
And an1 ious 80 They wait
They think the time will! meyer
come,
When they can take a skate.
r. an.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1894-01-25
CHAS, E. CASSELL.
EDITOR AND PUBLIsHRR OF
The CArOCTIN CLARION
sFICE ..OSLER BUILDING, Northwest cernef
.St Church and Main Streets.

tR#
. is.ss.-rHn LToeriH CLARION is published every
n"r.day morning, at u 90 per annum In ADVANCE
+. mes the risV ii remittance by mail. No suostr'p-
sreceived for less than six monhs,nor any paper
.ontinued until arrearagcs are paid. Adver'se
mis- we'll displayed at hetoliowinR '~'es'
eaca subsequen, insertion 7s
I" two nonths,... .,......'...' ''0'"
:. tnSee months, ..t.'.'." s'y
~" six n0htllS 49,. J...~.. -. -'.oo0
~ - 0ne veaf>.. a...s sss'3'aS
Twelve lines Constitute square. y
= uhera, deduction made to yearly adVer''sefs'
loca, or special notices cents line. Fr
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17
Old Delft WarA

Tho earliest wares for table use I'm
ported to this country were tortoise
she'll and, delft. 1t is impossible to give
any list of the many marks found on
delft ware Tho character of the dccora-
ton is frequently oriental, being copied
from Chinese wares; hence the pieces
are often mistaken and called India.
Tho color of decoration generally used is
blue, sometimes combined with green
and yellow, the designs bold The ware
is q coarse pottery. The old pieces found
here are usually plates, round plattcrs,
tiles and occasionally tea caddy, teapot
or "bowpot> Z" Old delft is much sought
after for decorative purposes. The pieces
made century ago have Dutch scenes,
windmills etc, and are frequently
bullying bodied or flaring topped vases.
Tho word delft has como to he applied
to common crockcry, wherever maln,
and many mistakes IN definition arise
thercfOin.
Tho tortoise shell ware is English.
Much Of it WIS made by Whildon, the
predecessor and partner Of Wedgwood,
till 1860. The marble agate, tortoise
shell, cauliflowcr and melon wares were
made by him and by the Wodgewoods
and ONO or two other pottcrs and are
really beautiful in color -Philadlcphia
TiInes
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17
Forty W1nks FOR rnso.nnt,,.

"I have new remedy for insomnia
said tho nervous member as no entered
tho club rooms
"If 1t Is good, tell us about it
ut Is very simple Just go to bed and
take tho most comfortable position for
sleeping. Then slowly open and cloeo
your eyes If, after 40 winks, you are
not asleep then try 40 moro The great
difficulty with victims of insomnia Is
that they almost always fall to thinking
Of the events of the day. This may be
prevented by persistent counting but
that Is itself q mental effort and wakes
one up, Not SO, however, with winldng
I defy any Of you to think OF anything
else while you arc engaged in this sim
pie exercise Utica Observer.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17
"Cat-n-OoFnered."

Mono Of our photographers gives "cat-
a-corncred' (somctimcs "cat-a-corner-
ways'D. Cater corncred" Is given Us
local English and United States. But
does anybody in this country say cater
cor1ercd? Worcester gives "catty-cor
ncred" in bashful note in small type.
Halliwcll derives "cater- cornered" from
quatre, through the provincial eater, :"
to cut dia8onally But why go SO far?
Might not "cattcr-corncred" be only Il
corrupt quarter corncred "-that is,
quartercd by lines through the corners
instead of IN the moro usual way, by
lines at right angles to the sidesf This
etymology seems to be confirmed by a
curious bit of folk speech In the upper
Hudson country. Our people, in saving
OF mailing anything at an angle other
than right angle, do not place it or
cut It "quartoring, which is the rcoog-
nized technical term. but Gathering p"
am told that in parts of Vermont "cat-
tering" Is used in the sense Of bias For
Gathering" there is aludicrous diminu-
two much oftener used in my neighbor-
hood-namely, "kittering" is,
somewhat Gathering, for is not a kit n
little cat2-Ccntury.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17
Why Cinnamon Change Signs

A Washington street Chinaman
changed his sign tho other day, name
and all Ono Of his customers after tho
sign had been changed, stopped In to
see if now Chinamnn had taken pos
session Of tho place. He found tho Same
hundryman as had been thoro for q
good many months.
"What did you change tho name on
your sign for?'' was asked of him.
"Qh, that nothin- Only sign name
That's ell. /"
why don't you put Your own name
on the sign?"
"Oh, SEQ if ! sellce place, can't eollee
sign. See? Any name good sign That's
all
He then explained that it was n com
mon practice among Cinnamon to change
their signs frequently and that by 30
doing they believed that 1t encouraged
trade and thus reimbursed them for the
expenditure In red paint and unpro-
nounceable characters. - Buffalo Ex-
press
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17
Difficult Weddings

Among the Lolos Of western China II
is customary for tho bride on the wed
ding morning to perch herself ON the
highest branch Of o largo 1ce, while
the elder female members Of her family
cluster on tho lower limbs, armed with
sticks When all aro duly stationed, the
bridegroom chambers up On tho tree, as
sailed on al sides by blows, pushes and
pinchcs from tho dowagors, and 1t Is not
until he has broken through their fence
and captured tho bride that be Is allow
cd TO Gritty her off.
Similar difficulties aseail the bride
groom among the Mongolinn koralls,
who are in tho habit Of celebrating their
marriage in large tents, divided into
numerous compartments
AT a given signal, as soon as the
guests are assembled, tho bride starts off
through the compartments, followed by
her woocr, while the women of tho en-
campmcnt throw every possible impedi-
nient i'll his way, tripping uph his unwnry
feet, holding down the curtains to pre-
vent his passage and applying the will
low and alder switches numerically as
ho stoops to raise them
As with the maiden on tho horse and
the virgin on the tree top, the Korall
bride is invariably captured, however
much the possibilities Of escape may be
i'll her favor. -Wcstcrn Mail
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17

PERSONS who sympathize with the
afflicted will re joice with D. e. Carr, of
1895 Harrison street, Kansas City. He
is an old sufferer from infammatory
rheumatism, but has not heretofore been
troubled in this climate. Last winter
he went up into Wisconsin, and In con-
sequence has had another attack. ut
came upon me again very acute and Sc
vere." he said. MY ts.swelled and
became infiamed; sore to touch or al :
most to look at. Upon the urgent re-
quest of my mother-in-law tried Cham.
berlain's Pain Balm to reduce tho swell
ing and ease the pain, and to my agree
able surprise, it did both. l have used
three tifty-cent bottles and believe it to
be the finest thing for rheumatism pains,
and swellings extant." For sale by the
Chas. Lyle Drug Company, druggists.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17
A Well Timed Sally,

When Wilson, tho English comedian,
made his debut, it was in the character
formerly supported by Shutter. Upon his
appearance on the stage the audience
called out for their former favoritc BY
crying: "OT, off. Shu!cr! ShUter" VII!
son, turning round and with 4 face as
stupid as nrt could make it and suiting
his action to his words replied: "Shoot
herl Shoot her" pointing at the same
time at the female performer on the
stage with him. I'm sure she does her
part very well. " This we'll timed sally of
seeming stupidity turned the scale in his
favor and called down repeated APP
plausc, which continued during the
whole Of the performance Exchange
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17
a Homemade Sign,

On Lexington avenue near Eighty.
third street there stands IN front Of q
shoemalicr's shop homo painted sign
that is pitifully comic. It would be q
painfully dcformcd m32 indeed who
could wear boot shaped like the one
thereon displayed, beneath which is the
announcement that "Laddies shoes"
will be half soeld" and hecled for one
price, "Childrings and mans'' for on
other. Apropos of this subject I saw q
shoemaker sign tho other day bearing
the euphonious and appropriate name Of
Shintog. Polly Pry in New York Re-
corder.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-17
Specimen Cases.

s. H. CLIFFORD, New Cassel. Wis,
was troubled with Neuralgia and
Rheumatism, his Stomach was dis
ordered, his Liver was affected to an
alarming degree, appetite fell away, and
he was terribly reduced in flesh and
strength. Three bottles OF Electric Bit.
ters cured him
Edward Shepherd, Harrisburg, Ill.,,
had G running sore on his leg OF eight
years. standing. Used three bottles of
Electric Bitters and seven boxes Of
Bucklen's Arnica Salve. and his leg Is
sound and we'll. John Speaker, Catawba,
O., had five large Fever sores on his
leg, doctors said he was incurable. One
bottle Electric Bitters and one box
Bucklen's Arnica Salve cured him en-
tirely. Sold by Christian g. Barbee,
Drug Store.
SAVE Ice and money by using the
celebrated wayne" self ventilating
refrigerators, for sale by the TaE,E. II.
STEWART FURNITURE COMPANY.