The daily morning journal and courier., 1894-10-02
f"TOOTs.
TLORETTE.

A private tooter-The man who gets drunk on. the .quiet.-Philadelp Rec ord.
 By the time a man makes up with his wife because of the spring house. cleaning, the fall housekeeping begins --Atchison Gobey !. ... .o. .Sena tor, Hill turned ashy pale when nominated for governor. says the re- port. He didn't kick the bucket, how aver-Lowell Courier.
 Subscriber-Pve got something here that want you to make a note Of. Editor tmindedly)-Can't do it; three in the bank now, and one gone to protest!-Atlanta Constitution.
 The change efhname in that Appo- nattox postoftice is dangerous ex- 0eriment Think of addressing a Vir- ginia gentleman thus: Gen. John Smith, Surrenderr-Plain Dealer.
 Jillson says if the people who com plain because base motives are at the bottom of 90 many things would stop and think they would remember that is where base motives belong.-Buffalo Courier.
 Parker uses a great deal of cologne, t seems to me. Awful bad form!" said Hawkins. Tt would be in you" said Hicks, but it's family pride with Par ter. He comes of old colognial stock. ," -BaZar.
 De Hamme--Back to town so soon? Barnes Tormer-Yes. We played in Punkvllle to TO one but deadheads, and two Of them brought suit against us for loss of their time in witnessing the 1ay-Indianapoli Journal.
 At the Photographers Snap pet4y--Now don't begin taking my pie .Cre with that old chestnut of asking ne to look pleasant Operator-No, miss; we never ask fimpossibilities of )ur subjects.-Detroit Free Press.
 ''"See, there comes Hummel. don't Vant to meet the man. Only last week
 asked him to lend me 100 marks" He might have given you the money; lc is rich enough" "Well--um--the act is he did illustrated Chronik. v. stranger-Would you kindly show me he way to the cathedral: Intelligent 'tative--That is not difficult to find you just walk down tfat street wonder
 nd at the farther end you will see a mall provision shop on your left. The cathedral is exactly opposite.-Flie- !. sende. Blatter. '%""
 n ,Tcaeher--You may tell us, Tommy.
 ome of the ways in which the element # fire confers benefit on the human ace Tommy (who knows something of his fathers business methods)+- When the amount of the insurance ex-
 eeds the value of the stock on hand Chicago Record. 't s... <
 A husband who had been out shoot ing, but who had not been successful, rather than return home empty hand ed, stepped into a shop and purchased g. hare. There, my ducky," he said to his wife on returning home. you see am not so awkward with the gun after all." Let me see," Isn't he a fine fellow?" My, dear, said the wife, as she carried the animal to her nostrils. and put 1t down with a grim- ace. you were quite right in killing him to-day; tomorrow 1t would nave been too late. French Exchange. .
 An amusing story is told of a West Walnut street young woman who, hay ing. read strange tales of stunning in London, determined to visit Philadel- phias own very tough slum district and see what life was there ike Az sort of preliminary she supplied hef- self with number of tracts, having a vague idea that the benighted residents there were in need of spiritual instruc- tion. Boarding Seventh street car, she got off at BaAnbridge, and to the first man she saw, who was leaning idly against laMfp lMfp post, she very 'p3- litely handed one of the tracts . He took it good na4predly. and aftes