Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1894-02-08
sprlnIsles OF splcs.

IHE Iar0-dealer admits raw ma
terlal free, Galveston News.
A GRoss-oUTRAGE-flnding it a few
packages short. FLORIDA Times
TALK about women being Eighty!
Look at bank cashiers. Texas Slft-
ings.
AN empty stocking can be pro-
nounced false yarn. - Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Nor even a canal horse would ever
get ahead If he didn't have a pull
Boston Transcript.
IT is poor cordage trust that has
not more than one string to its bow.
Washington Star
A MAN can talk himself out of a
job easier than he can talk himself
into one. --AtChison Globe.
THE blossom has left the button.
hole these influenza days and settled
on the nose, Omaha World.
WHEN the Hawaiian patriots say
they shave the spirit Of '76" that
takes in about all Of them. -Plain
Dealer.
JAGsoN says you can't blame q the
atrlcal company for being spiritless
when the ghost won't walk. --Elmlra
Gazette.
STRoNG-Would you call Supplies
wife handsome? Yes-if 1
was talking to Supple. -Raymonds
Monthly.
The money man tucks away in
his "lnside pocket" may be looked
upon as vested security -Yonkers
Statesman.
WHEN you speak to youth about
book learning these days he thinks
you are just in from the race track
Dallas News.
BLoBBs-Why do you call your girl
silent belle? Slobbs- Because |
kissed her and she never tolled. -
Philadelphia Record.
THE boiler-maker with oratorial
tendencies ought to have little
trouble in riveting the attention of
his hearers. Buffalo Courier.
IT argues no lack of ability in a
boy that he doesn't make an opening
for himself by going skating on too |
thin ice. Philadelphia Times.
The iron founder may be a large
proportional man, but he never yet,
in his business, succeeded in casting
a shadow. Yonkers Statesman.
"YoUR neighbor appears to have |
failed a great many times" "Just
twenty-four times, The next will be
his silver bankruptcy. "-Fliegende
Blaetter.
BRIDEGROOM (at the end of the
wedding)-"Well, am glad it is all
over" Married Friend-"All over?
Great Scott, man! You have only
just commenced. Puck.
Miss BACoN-"On the ranch we
girls ride the horse bare backed"
Mr.. Knickerbocker (severely)-"I
should think the sun would blister
you terribly. "-Scribner's.
MAY-"What made you tell that
horrid Miss Stumble that she danced
like an angelo" Arthur Because 1
thought they never danced, and
neither will she. It'd Bits.
"WHAT is your objection to private
theatricals?" he asked of the sour
faced man. "The publicity that is
invariably attached to them," was
the reply. Washington Star.
SHE-"I wonder if there will be
anything to talk about in the next
world" He-"Oh, yes. You know
there ia always something to say on
the other side, Boston Transcript.
VIs1ToR-"And which is the older,
Tommy, you or Willie?" Willie
"We're tie" Visitor-(mystifled)-
"What do you mean by tie?" Tommy
-"We're twins philadelphia Rec
ord.
LIFE is full of disappointments.
Many girl who expects to marry
and settle down finds she has to set
tie way up on the top floor of ten
story tenement house. -Elmira Ca
zette.
"CAN l change my occupation un.
der the terms of this insurance pol
icy?" "What do you wish to be?"
"a foot-ball player" "No." "Can
become Brazilian insurgent?"
"Yes. Life.
Observation-Disclosures the row at
that bargain counter?" Floor-walker
-"No row at all. A party of college
girls are among the crowd, and are
working to the front by a flying
wedge. Puck.
VEXED WIFE-"There is no calam-
ity that can befall a woman that /
have not suffered" Amiable Hus-
band-"Wrong, my dear; now, you
have never been widow" Vexed
Wife-"I said calamity, sir!-Brook-
Ign Life.
LADY-"There were chickens in
those eggs you sold me yesterday.
Are you going to make me pay for
them?" "No, ma'am, as you didn't
order spring chickens, We'll just
charge 'em to you as eggs. Ray
mond's Monthly. ,
OvERGRowN CoLoRED BoY-"Say, /
boss, don't youh wanter boy fer to {
learn to be a jock?" rse-owner- !
"By the time you've learned to ride