The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1894-12-05
WIT AND HUMoR.


jokes.-1erGs SJtings.
Kilduff-Does your wife ever lose her
temperp Taddells-Oh, no, but she
temporarily mislays it sometimes.-Har-
lem Life.
"Some men," said Uncle Eben, "gits
suddintly neah sighted when dey
stah'ts out ter look for woh'k.- Wash
ingtos Star.
Watts-By the way, who was the
patron saint of fshermenp Potts
Dunno. 1t isn't Ananias, is itp-CWt-
einrsati Tribune.
Miss De Flatt-Oh, have such news!
The janitor has a cold. Mrs De Flatt
-Gloriousl Now he'll start the fur
nace.-M z. Weekly.
did you attend the coloners socia-
blep" mo. but I was represented"
%Howp" Credited him for the gro
ceries. s."-Attanta Constitution.
The centerboard of yacht is most
important in a race, but on pleasure
trip the sideboard is thought most Of
Neso Orleans Picaysns.
A pretty girl can usually forgive
man for staring at her; but yon wouldn't
think SO to hear her tell the folks about
it when she gets home. -Atchisoas Globe.
Mother-Why did you get that bicy-
Gle suitP Modern Maid-To wear, of
course. "But you have no bicycle" II
have q sewing machine. IN T. Weekly.
%Do you read, DanteP" asked the
young man. No." replied Miss Flip
leigh, II really don't care for Italian
chestnutsS you know. ."-HGrtford Cour-
ant.
A Brooklyn woman laughed so heart
lily at her own joke that she fell dead.
This is fate which will never befall
the writers for the comic papers. s.-BIf-
falo Express.
@Is your son improving in his cornet
practiceP" "A heap, He used to prac-
tice>all the time, and now he don't put
in more than two hours a day."-In-
diGn0poIis Journal.
Col. Kaintuck-I don't see how poor
folks are to keep warm this wintere
Host-Woolen goods are lower. Col
Kaintuck-Yes. but whisky's gone up.
M z. Weekly.
at must be strange for the Spaniards
to feel that they are ruled by mere in
FAINT" @WhyP" "It's SO uncommon.
@Humph! It's plain you never had an
infant.-Harper's BGzar.
A Friend-What ails Mrs Akehardt,
doctorp Physician-I am unable TO
diagnose definitely at this time. "Why,
haven't the fall styles in diseases been
announced yetP-ITuth.
~My task in life. " said the pastor COM
placently. consists in saving young
men," .Ah!" replied the maiden with
soulful longing, save a good one for
me, won't youg"-LJe.
Chapley-Its easy enough to gel
married; all man has to do is to find
a bigger fool than he is. Ethel Knox
But in some cases even that would be
rather difficulty. Y. World.
Little Ethel wish had new doll.
Mamma-Your old doll is as good as
ever. Little Ethel-Well, I am just a.
good as ever, too, but the angels gave
you a new baby.-Good Ne'cs.
Little Boy-The teacher is really in
terested in me. Fond Mother-1 am
glad to hear that. Little Boy-Yes'm.
She said she was goin' to tell you that
never know my lessons.-Good Netos.
Pillar-The people complain that your
sermons are too long. Clergyman
IndeedP Pillar-Yes. Only last Sun
day the orchestra was compelled tc
omit two Chopins and an impromptu.-
Puck.
Lieut.. X.-I say, old chappie, you
haven't heard that 1 yesterday wor
15O, 900 marks in the lottery? Lieut.. q
You don't say so? Lucky dog; why,
you needn't get married. FEegendt
BtGtter.
Dorothy (confdentiaIly) Il wa
naughty yesterday and mamma spanked
me. Did you ever get spankedp Eliza.
beth-Yes. Once I did. Dorothy
What forp Elizabeth-'Cos grad'ma
was away.-Kate Fields Washington.
Jaggs-I say, old fellow, can't you
lend me ten for month"; Naggs-Sor.
ry, but haven't anything but fifty.
Got any changer Jaggs-No; but say,
just make it fifty for five months; thai
will do just as well.-Detro1 Free Press
Husband-I really think you might
have had that ball dress made LITTLE
higher in the neck, to say nothing Of
the back. Wife-I'll have it changed il
you wish. but this stuff costs $40 yard
Husband-Um-well, never mind-N
z. Weekly.
est man this side of hades." "What
makes you think thatP" "ThinkP
know he is. Didn't he deduct 80 cents
from the last poem sold him because
the fourteenth line was two feet short il
the meter?"-Ir
Jagg-How did you ever dare to EN-
brace Miss Bostonp Nagg-She wal
speaking OF bandits that night as VI
cfr. 0f hvyk h.
river, and remarked: "What romantic
Nagg-Well, held her up.-Life.
Student (returning after night a
the tavern)-Waiter, you have charged
me for twenty glasses of beer, and
drank only fifteen. I made q chall
mark for each on the table. Waiter
Quite true-and five you wrote unde
the table, on the hoor.-Fliege1sde BSdt
ter.
as marriage a failure?" asked Mr.
Bachelor. at is not, replied Mr. Bene
dict. "H I had not married woull
never have learned to sew the button!
on my clothes when they came of. NJ
poor, dear, fond, foolish mother used t.
do it for me before I married.-M Y
Press.
II used to feel little mean at rob
bin the bee hives" said the tender
hearted farmer, but since I got to think
in it over / see that / am doing On
good. Eff it want fer me takin' tn
honey all them bees would be out O
work all next summer.-Indi0Dlpo
Journal.
"The hardest thing to acquire, miss,
said the dramatic teacher, "is the art O
laughing naturally without apparent et
fort" SOh, I've got that down fine,
said the would-be soubrette. II type
wrote for three years for man VIII
was always telling me the funny storie
about his little boy.-Lrsdsa'aapolis Jo@7
nal
Lady-Well, what do you want
Tramp-Me and me pals left disput
to you min. Lady-What is the dis
putep Tramp - AS to whether yo
r I'll