davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

In a Nebraska Church. Tender
foot (as collection is being taken)
purse is in my hip pocket" "
Native-"Better let me pay for
both; reach in that direction is
likely to be misconstrued around
this section.-St. Louis Dispatch.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"Jonesby, we need every good citi-
zen at the primaries to-day. Come
along" "Brownson, I've got to at
tend a meeting of the Society for
the promotion of Purity of Politics,
and ! can't possibly spare the time.
Good evening."-Chicago Tribune.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

But, papa" walled the young
woman, "you can have no idea how
he loves me. He is willing to die
for me this very minute" "Well,'
said the old man, scratching his
head thoughtfully, 81 don't know
as l have any objection to that.
was afraid he wanted to marry you."
-Tit-Bits.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Miss Jaggers Fishing for a COM
pliment )-"They say plain girls are
always religious. Now, I'm not at
all religious"
Mr.. Footinit (gallantly)- Yes;
but there are exceptions to all rules,
you now."-Puck.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Freshly Ito Miss Autumn)-You
are whitening, Miss Autumn.
Miss Misunderstanding
ward Lampoon.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Yes, man is the stronger vessel
but he has to be often bailed out
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"How did it happen that Biggs
was arrested by an agent for the S.
p. C. C.?" "He was caught in the
act of abusing his baby" "What
was he doing?" singing it to
sleep" Chicago Inter Ocean.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"Did Jones get an office?"
"You betm
"What was it?"
Minister"
"Where to?"
Hanged if | know-they keep
a-moving him so fast"
Moving himp"
"Yes; he's one O. these here
Methodist ministers" - Atlanta
Constitution.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"Why didn't you come when !
rang" said a lady to her servant.
Because | didn't hear the bell"
Hereafter when you don't hear
the bell you must come and tell me
so!'
"Yes'm."
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28
HUMOROUS.

In silence the family are sitting,
Each keeping as still as a mouse,
As they ponder the annual question,
"ls it better to move or clean
houses" Washington Star.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28
MICHIGANCENTRAL
"The Niagara Falls Route"
Time Card in Effect.
Time Card in Ehec

.Daily. All other trains Daily except Sunday.
Parlor car on day trains and sleeping cars ON
night trains. ~
The direct line To Niagara FALLS. Buh'lo, New
York Boston, Detroit Toledo, Chicago, and all
points In the United states and Canada.
Through tickets 20 all points in the United States
and Canada.
J.WBITING. Ticket Agent.
q. W. RUGGLEs, @. p. & 7. Agt.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Naturally when a girl goes to
work out she hates to stay in.-El-
mira Gazette.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"Where do we get cream of tar
tar?" asked the pretty schoolma'am.
"From Russian cows" was Johnny
Snagg's prompt wer.-Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

And his young niece, Miss Julia,
has no share in the visit suppose? ?
| heard that she arrived in town
last night
Now, upon my word, Frank,
you mistake me entirely. | did not
know that she was in town last
night-when that is, when IL
did not know anything about it.
"And so you were there last
night, too. Really, this is getting
along bravely."
"Why, the fact is, Frank, you
must know everything. / called
last evening to see Murry on some
business about the real estate, you
know. had no more idea of meet
ing a woman than a boa-constructor.
My beard was three days old, my
collar ditto, and the rest of my dress
in excellent keeping. | became en-
gagged IN conversation, and some
how forgot all about the real es-
tate.n
And so you are going again to-
night~--and that is the secret of
your new coat?"
"By no means; | wanted q new
coat, and tailors are so long, YOU
know. Do you think blue will be-
come me? Blue is her favorite-
that isl mean blue"
"Oh, go on-don't stammer-
blue is her favorite color, isn't itp"
"The fact is, Frank-take an
other glass of this wine-the fact
is-good wine, isn't it Been two
voyages to the lndias-the fact is,
| suppose rather fancy-I am
little in love. Try some of that
sherry. What are the symptoms,
Frank-a queer feeling about the
heart, and something which drives
the blood through one like light
ening?"
Exactly! believe / have seen
Julia; short and chubby, isn't she
with red hair, and a little squint-
eyed"
Frank, | never did knock you
down, though | have been tempted
to do so great many times; and
if you don't stop that nonsense,
will"
"Quite valiant in defence Of your
lady-love. Well, Tom, | confess
that she is lovely girl, and to-
morrow | will call and learn your
success. So, good morning"
n
"Well, Tom, what success?"
would you believe it, she did
not recognize me?"
"Not recognize you?"
mo. You know what quiz
that Murry is. AS soon as he saw
me enter, dressed in such style, he
came up, shook hands with me, and
without giving me a chance to say
one word, introduced me to Julia
as Mr.. Frederick Somebody. And
would you believe it, the witch did
not know me. think | should not
forget her so easily. Nor was that
all. Murry said something about
the fellow who called there the pre-
vious evening, a country cousin ne
said, clear enough, but an incor-
rigible sloven. And Julia said he
dressed like barbarian--just think
of it, Frank, a barbarian. She shall
certainly pay for that, yet. Such
eyes, and she also steps like queen.
Well, Frank, a clean collar makes
vast difference in a mans appear
ance. Lovely as Hebe herself.
Terrible difference a clean collar
makes"
The last time saw Tom he was
scolding his eldest son for coming
into the drawing-room with muddy |
boots,
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Muggins--"Do you believe in the
theory that there is place for ev-
erything?" Buggins-"Yes; when
the cook at my clearinghouse
makes hash. ."-Philadelphia Record.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

A partial view-Gazing at ones
sweetheart.-Lowell Courier.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Elsie-"Don't you think Mr..
Courtenay has very sensitive
mouth?" Nicolette (blushing to
her ears )-"How should | know?"
Vogue.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Amateur Artist should like to
present the last picture | painted
to some charitable institution; now
which would you recommends"
Cruel Lady Friend-The Blind asy-
lum.-Life.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"How did you feel when Miss
Million refused you?'
"Terribly-as though | had been
sentenced to hard labor for life. ~
New York Ledger.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Miss Antique-"I'd like to see
any man try to kiss me! Miss
Sweetley-I have no doubt you
would! But you shouldn't be Sc
bold as to admit it!-Boston Tray
elar
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"Yes, | have bought a piano for
my daughter. She will give lessons
and so help to keep the wolf from
the door," IF the wolf is at all
musical in his tastes" Boston
Transcript.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"One swallow does not make a
summer" but it may have occurred
to you that one grasshopper makes
more than dozen springs.--Tam-
many Times.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Actor-"When ! am acting, |
forget everything about me; / see
nothing but my role; the public
disappears entirely" Friend-"I
don't wonder at that. "-Fliegende
Blatter.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Two cents per week is the
price of the Argus on year.
ly subscriptions.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Detroit, Bay CITY & Alpena R.R'

,,;, a,a Accon Mail and Accom-
Mnrass 49, o modation Express. mediation.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

eySd
=-----
Vol. XXIII, No. 81. A
HUMOROUS.
In silence the family are sitting,
Each keeping as still as a mouse,
As they ponder the annual question,
as it better to move or clean
house? se?"-Washington Star.
A partial view-Gazing at ones
sweetheart.-Lowell Courier.
Naturally when a girl goes to
work out she hates to stay in.-El-
mira Gazette.
Yes, man is the stronger vessel
but he has to be often bailed out
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Freshly (to Miss Autumn) You
are whitening, Miss Autumn.
Miss Autumn-S Sir-r-r?.!.-Har-
ward Lampoon.
Elsie-"Don't you think Mr..
Courtenay has a very sensitive
mouth?" Nicolette (blushing to
her ears)-"How should know?"
Vogue.
Zone swallow does not make a
summer" but it may have occurred
to you that one grasshopper makes
more than dozen springs.--Tam-
many Times.
"How did you feel when Miss
Million refused you?"
"Terribly-as though | had been
sentenced to hard labor for life. y
New York Ledger.
"Where do we get cream of tar
tar?" asked the pretty schoolma'am.
"From Russian cows" was Johnny
Snagg's prompt nswer.-Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
Muggins--"Do you believe in the
theory that there is a place for ev-
erything?" Buggins-"Yes; when
the cook at my clearinghouse
makes hash. philadelphia Record.
Miss Antique-"I'd like to see
any man try to kiss me! Miss
Sweetley-I have no doubt you
would! But you shouldn't be SO
bold as to admit it!-Boston Tray
eler.
Amateur Artist should like to |
present the last picture | painted
to some charitable institution; now
which would you recommend"
Cruel Lady Friend-The Blind asy-
lum.-Life.
Actor-"When | am acting, Ii
forget everything about me; see
nothing but my role; the public
disappears entirely" Friend-"I
don't wonder at that. ."-Fliegende
Blatter.
"Yes, | have bought piano for
my daughter. She will give lessons
and so help to keep the wolf from
the door," IF the wolf is at all |
musical in his tastes. Boston
Transcript.
"How did it happen that Biggs
was arrested by an agent for the S.
P. c. C.?" "He was caught in the
act of abusing his baby" "What
was he doing?" Singing it to
sleep."-Chicago Inter Ocean.
"Why didn't you come when |
rang" said a lady to her servant.
because | didn't hear the bell"
Hereafter when you don't hear
the bell you must come and tell me
SOL"
"Yes'm."
Miss Jaggers (fisbing for COM
pliment) )--"They say plain girls are
always religious. Now, I'm not at
all religious"
Mr.. Footinit (gallantly )-"Yes;
but there are exceptions to all rules,
you know."-Puck.
In Nebraska Church.-Tender-
foot Gas collection is being taken)
-"My purse is in my hip pocket"
Native-"Better let me pay for
both; reach in that direction is
likely to be misconstrued around
this section.-St. Louis Dispatch.
"Jonesby, we need every good citi-
zen at the primaries to-day. Come
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

Michigan Central.
Pm.
i;sS Ray City, leave, ~
az NJ ioaves Detroit, arrives, U ~
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28
(|lSIg!Z!!l!ZIlIl| ]

Askyour jeweler rforpamphlet.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-03-28

"Yes'n m. "
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
GREEN GOODS MEN CAUGHT.
HER LUsTY VOICE SAVED HER.

A woman startled Kearny street yester-
day afternoon with her cries of thief"
''catch him, ;" thief
When she first demanded the attentio
of the people who were moving along the
sidewalks and standing about the corners
she was in the act of leaping from the
platform of hOrsecar going south on
hearny street at the intersection of Cali
fOrnia. In front of her was the fleeing
form of a tall, well-built young fellow who
carried a shining tin box under his arm
and went like the wind.
Another young man, very small of
stature and fleet of foot, had also left the
car, and was speeding along lie army street,
in the direction Of Pine.
The larger man went down California
street, and Police Judge COnlan and
Thomas Graham started in pursuit, but
were soon outstripped by Officer Pete
Whalen. The fugitive finding himself
hard pressed dropped his box and scurried
around the corner into Webb street.
Graham stopped and picked il up. Judge
Conlan dropped out of the chase and
WhaIen was left to do tue running alone.
He overlook his man. cOllared him and
brought him back, both badly out of
breath. In the meantime the other man
had fallen into the clutches of Officer Car
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
Dourherty Skipped.

John Dougnsrty, who was serving sem
tence in tbs House of Correction, was
taken to the City and County Hospital on
Thursday last, as he was, or pretended to
be. suffering from paralysis on the left
side. He was being attended by DR.. Kerr.
and yesterday the doctor found him smok-
ing, which is against the rules. The doc
tor reported him to Superintendent Titus,
who paid him visit. DIR. Titus asked if
Dougherty was sufficiently recovered to be
sent back TO the House of Correction, and
DR.. Kerr replied that be was. aud it was
the quickest cure of paralysis on record.
DR.. Titus Immediately filled out card Tor
Doug ierty's removal. When the two medi-
Cal men left him he quietly stole out of the
hospital and diSappeare over the back
fence. Dougherty is 81 years of age. single.
a boilermaker by trade, aud lived at 549
Howard Straat.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
KNOWLEDGE

Brings comfort and improvement and
tends to personal enjoyment when
rightly used. The many, who live bet
ter than others and enjoy life more. with
less expenditure, by more promptly
adapting the worlds best products to
the needs of physical being, will attest
the value to health of the pure liquid
Laxative principles embraced In the
remedy, Syrup of Figs.
It's excellence is due to its presenting
in the form most acceptable and pleas
ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly
beneficial properties Of perfect lax
alive; effectually cleansing the system
dispelling colds, headaches and fevers
and permanently curing constipation.
It has given satisfaction to millions and
met with the approval of the medical
profession because it acts on the Kid
neys, Liver and Bowels without weak
ening them and it is perfectly free from
every Objectionable substance.
Syrup of Figs is for sale by all drug
gists in SOC and 81 bottles, butt is man.
ufactured by the California Fig Syrup
Co. only, whose name is printed on every
package, also the name, Syrup of Figs.
and being well informed, you will not
accept any substitute if offered.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
BROKE THE ICE.
Boston Has at Last Won a Game
From phiIadelDhia.

NEW YORK, April 3o.AInability TO hit Null
lane lost the game for the New Yorks, while
the Batimores had no trouble in hitting the
New Yorks' pitchers. Attendance 1900. Score
New Yorks 6, base hits 10, errors q; Balti-
mores 10. base hits 10, errors 8. Batteries
German and Doyle. Mullane and Robinson.
Umpire-Lynch.
PHILADELPHIA, April 30.-The excitement
was Intense among the 5000 spectators when,
in the tenth inning the BostOns broke the Ice
and won the game on long fly by Bannon,
which enabled McCarl by to score from third.
Sc0re-Philadelphia 5. base nits 5, errors 3;
Bostons 6. base hits z, errors 2. Batteries
Weyh ing and Clements. Nichols and Ryan.
WASHINGTON, April 3O.-The game was
smuggling match and Brooklyn won by hitting at
the right lime. Score ashingtons 10, base
hits 10, errors g.; Bro0klyns l5, basehits IL,
errors 6. Batteries-McGuire, Dugd ale. Mer-
Ger and Egan; Cartwright. Daub and G. Daley.
LOUISVILLE, KY, April 30.-Louisville had
no trouble In hitting McGil to-day and won
easily Score-Lousvilles 8, base hits 10. err
rors 2; Chcagos 2, base hits g. errors 4. Bat
teries-KilrOy and Earle. McGill ana Kilt
tredge. Umpire-Swartwood
ST. LOUIS. April 3o.-No game to-day-raln.
CINCINNATI, April 30.-Chamberlaln went 10
pieces in the seventh, allowing Pit.sburg TO
win the game. Score-Clncinnatis 6, base hits
10, errors 6; Pittsburgs 15,: base hits IA, err
rors o. BaIteries-Chamberlain and Murphy;
Gunlbert, Nichols, Sngden and Mack.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
BUGGY ACCIDENT.
Marx Selig, Collector, Fatally In
jured and Charles Yates Bruised.


Mark Selig and Charles Yates, collectors
Tor Anspacher Brothers. wholesale hay
dealers, were driving in buggy along
Iwenty-fourth street about 80 yester-
day morning. When near the corner of
Harrison street the bolt fastening one of
the buggy shafts broke and the detached
shaft fell on the horses legs. The horse
began to plunge wildly around and both &C.
cupants were thrown violently in to the
street.
Selig fell on his h cad and was knocked
unconscious. Yates was more fortunate
but was badly bruised. Two boys. one of
them named j. Luther, were driving past
in peddler's wagon at the time and they
picked Sellg and Yates no and took them
to The City and County Hospital.
Selig fingered till about 4:30 O'Clock In
the afternoon, when he breathed his last
in the presence of three of his sons. Yates
had his bruises attended TO and was
taken to his home, 418 suffer street. by
some friends.
Mr.. Selig was 60 years of age, native
Of Bavaria, and lived at 1126 Turk street.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
KILLED AT STEVENS CREEK.
Two Men Arrested in Connection
With a Mexican'S Death.

SAN JOSE, April 30.-Word was received at
The Sheriff's Office to-day that Mexican named
Joe Garcia was Killed In the mountains on
Stevens Creek during fight with George Nc
Cauley and Joe PIunkett. ALI the parties were
drunk. Sheriff B0llinger went to the scene and
brought McCauley and Plunkett to the County
Jail. The killing took place aboat 9 o'clock
Sunday night. The only witness was Joe An
drada, who says all four of them were in cabin
when row occurred. Plunkett threw Garcia
down and McCauley shot him wi rifle. The
bullet struck him in the femoial artery Of the
right leg and he bled to death. McCauey says
the shooting was accidental. He and Plunkett
went TO the cabin where Garcia and Andrada
were, and Garcia, who had gTudge against
them, calle0 hem vile names and grabbed
gun. McCauley, fearing Garcia, got the gu
and tried to extract the bullets and 1t was is
charged, the ball striking Garcia. Plunkett,
who Is half wtied. tells a different story. He
says McCauley discharged his Winchester In
the air three times after Garcia grabbed 1t.
Plunkett ran out and as he did so another shot
was fired. He was followed by McCauley TO
the Spring Valley C0mpany's property, about a
mile distant. where they were employed. Gar
cia was about 80 years OF age.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
COAST GOSSIP.
More Protection for the Sierra
Forest Reservation.

WASHINGTON April 30.-The General Land
Office has prepared placards to be posted Ia the
Sierra Forest reservation III California warning
persons against feeding, grazing or driving any
kinds of herds through this reserved domain Of
over 100000 acres. BONA fide settlers hav
Ing properly entered their claims prior to the
withdrawal OF these lands, and actual owners
OF lands within the reservation, may pass TO
and from their claims, but will not be allowed
to occupy or use lands within the reservation
outside of their claims, nor to use, damage or
destroy any timber or other natural products Of
such land.
II. c. Downes was appointed Postmaster at
Summerfield, Cal.
Representative LOUD has returned from Chi
cago.
The following pensions have been granted :
California-Originai- Peter Lund, Stockton;
Williams Nevias. Lompoc; Frank Devereaux,
Veterans Home, Napa. Additional-George
Hopkins, Veterans Home, Napa; John Glance,
Veterans Home, Napa. Reissue - John s..
Myers Healdsburg. Original widows, etc
Minors of Charles Schuman, Bridgeport, Mono
County; Carrie q. Schnee. Mexican War sur
vivors, Increase-Josiab Tilson, San Francisco
Edward Craddoek, Fort Ross. Mexican War
widows-Caroline Ashe San Francisco.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
SOLD TO THE POLICE.
Joseph Mack Punished After He
Had Paid His DefaIcatiOn.

KANSAS CITY. April 30.-Joseph A.
Mack pleaded guilty to embezzement of
the American National Bank of this city,
and was sentenced for five years. The
prisoner was bookkeeper at the bank and
was short S10,400, but he paid back the
amount dollar for dollar. earned by hard
work in asmall business he had established,
being allowed his liberty while doing
so. Mack ran away after indemnifying
his bondsmen when his defalcation was
first discovered. in September. 1892, but
was recognized in Cleveland. Ohio, by a
Kansas City man. who sold him to the
police for $3.50.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
CAUGHT IN THE ACT.
Arrest in New York of Desperate
Gang of Incendiaries.

Gang of Incendiaries.
NEW YORK. April 30.-What is alleged
to be a clever gang of incendiaries has
been captured, and its members are now
locked up in police headquarters. The
prisoners are: Patrick Mullins. laborer;
Peter Donnelly. laborer. John S. Harkey.
laborer; Timothy Rafferty,. contractor. and
Bernard Herman, truckman.
The scheme which the men are alleged
to have worked was to burn down stables
filed with worthless animals, having
had them all previously insured when
filled with good horses, which they
would borrow. They were not content
to simply destroy the stables and
heir horses by setting them on fire. but to
make their destruction more complete
scattered giant powder about. so not a
yestige would remain to convict them. For
more than two years this gang is alleged
to have carried on operations, and
in that time they have burned down
sta bles on which they have collected in
surance to the amount of thousands of
dollars. They had. it is charged. just pre-
pared another stable for destruction when
one Of their number was caught in the act
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1894-05-01
BRITISH INTRIGUE.
What Seems TO Be the Trouble in
the MOSQUITO Country.

NEW YORK. April 3o.-Ths Worlds
Managua dispatch says: The Government
is secretly sending armed men into the
Mosquito country. There appears to be
an understanding between Mr.. Gosling,
the British Consul to Central America.
and President Zelaya. The President
has so far refused to remove Commissioner
Lacayo, who is known 20 be pursuing a
policy in the Mosquito country calculated
to incite the people against American
residents. Only fear of the American
warship San Francisco seems to deter him
from going to extremes. The Government
claims to have routed and destroyed
Moralin's band.