Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-01-06
TOMKYNs GOES TO A PARTY.
He Meets His Butler There, Somevvha
to His Surprise.

He Meets HIS Butler There, Somewhat
to His Surprise.
MY butler is no end Of a clever fellow"
said Snoozleby Tomkyns last night at the
Platypus Club.
Jim. eh?" responded little Biggs. light
ing a cigar
Yes, that's his name. What are you
fellows going to have to drink? Whisky for
me, John. Well. as 1 was saying. my butler
is a remarkably ingenious person. Posi-
bly, his imagination is even too highly de-
veloped. At all events. he hates the prose
of facts. Whenever he tells me anything
wonder what fraction of it may per-
chance be true
I'm other words, he is a liar" suggested
Noodles.
THAT is rather a bald way to put It,"
said Tomkyns. I'm fact, 1t scarcely does
the fellow justice. / should rather say
that he has genius for romance. For in
stance, when he asked for an evening out
one day last week 1 knew that his excuse
for the demand would certainly be a plaus-
ible one I was not mistaken. He told me-
with a slight choke in his voice, that his
grandmother was dying, and that his pres
ence was required at her bedside"
Nothing particularly original about
that" remarked young Snigglesby. sucking
the head of his cane.
"Ah, but it was the way in which he did
1t, my dear boy. You might have known
that the fellow never had grandmother,
and yet you could not have helped admir-
ing the art with which the lie was told.
He had put a little vaseline in each eye.
think. to make them glisten as If with
| tears. Anyhow, he got the leave OF alb
| sence he wanted, though 1t was decidedly
going to have few friends Of hers in to
tea that evening / myself was going out.
"Poker?" said Noodles.
"No-just a little stag dinner party at
fA11. l. vhut fhnf
means. Bill is kept pretty straight by his
wife. When she goes away there Is a re-
action, as IT. were. Bill starts in by giving
dinner party. the concluding features Of
| which are always rather wild as well as
mixed. In fact. the entertainment par
| takes somewhat Of the nature Of an orgy"
bill calls that sort Of thing Beam. !"
put in little Biggs.
Eyes, that's it." replied Tomkyns ION
| this occasion Bills wife hadn't been away
| for long time. and the celebration was I'M
usually earnest. went with the firm in
| tention Of keeping sober. as becomes a fam
| lily man. You may imagine my surprise
when champagne was offered to me by my
butler, JIM He was employed for the even
ing as waiter. You might suppose that
he would have been embarrassed. but he
| wasn't so a bit. and only grinned from ear
| to ear. l asked him how his grandmother
was. and he informed me that her illness
| had suddenly taken turn for the better"
What nerve!' observed young Singles
by;
| Not remarkable for Jim. I assure you.
| Perhaps. as the sequel proved, the deception
| ne had practiced was advantageous to all
| concerned. Notwithstanding my good res
olution. partook not wisely but too well
! OF Bits Veuve Cliquot. At the close of
the festivities. Jim helped me on with my
overcoat and whispered in my ear:
Don't you think you had better let me
see you home. sir?
II was glad to accept the offer. no cab
being available. What followed 1 do not
| very distinctly recollect At all events I'VE
got home at last. and. as Jim unlocked my
house door with my own latch key, he said
| to me deferentialy:
- hope you win not say anything to
Mrs. Tomkyns, sir
Not a word replied. Here's 50 for
you. Jim; and don't you say anything to
her ether
| up to date neither Of us has said a word
A deuced clever fellow is my butler Jim.
What are you fellows going to have to
drink?"