Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-09-21

dat I shell regofer dat de beoble of Him
dis shell be brodecded by me in my
ovicial gabazity."
1.-THE governor kisses fondly a PHOTOGRAPH
of Johann Most, and turns it reverently to
the wall until his return. He then takes q
liver-sausage almost seventeen inches long
from his desk, and nibbles it alternately
with q pretzel from a paper sack which he
carries in his hand. The governor next
walks rapidly down the street, SO swiftly,
in fact, that he has only time to consume
seven of the sausages and four pounds of
pretzels by the time he has reached the rail-
road depot, which is three blocks away
What my friend J. Sterling Morton, Of
the United States commission and pro.
duee department ought to do, is to COM
pile some kind Of handy manual of help
full hints to farmers. The great trouble
with the question Of agriculture at this
particular time is that Secretary Morton
possesses a large and valuable amount
of knowledge, which would fertilize
thousands of acres of land if properly
applied. All that is needed is the man
ua), to which I have already referred.
The secretary should set forth IN it his
ideas as to the grating OF the Early
Rose watermelon with the Red Dent
potato, or the proper cultivation of the
Wine Sap pumpkin. The raising of Con-
cord cabbages should also come in for a
liberal share of the secretary's attention,
and the proper time for the sowing Of
celery salt should not be overlooked.
The breeding Of a good grade of Polled-
Angus pigs is another subject upon
which the secretary is we'll informed,
and he has always commended that the
Hereford horse should be dehorned at
an early age, in order to insure a good,
fat, marketable beef. In the matter of
sheep, the secretary has always been
partial to the Percheron breed, and for
the dairy, either the Clydesdale COW or
the Cochin China. One practice to
which the secretary is bitterly opposed.
and to which he attributes a great deal
of the agricultural depression, is the
raising Of loaf sugar from the granulated
seed, instead Of from the slip. All of
these subjects are those Of which the
secretary has been a careful student, and
a manual containing brief hints upon
these various topics would be of iucal-
culable value to agriculturalists.
And so Paddy O,Leary is dead! Poor
old Paddy! Twenty-three years ago, on
the night of Sunday, October 9th, fame
seized the O'Leary family in it's iron
grasp, and hoisted them to the very
highest pinnacle of notoriety. With a
short, clay pipe firmly clutched between
his teeth, Paddy sat on a camp stool in
the OLeary castle, and tickled the
OLeary pig with a straw, while Mrs.
OLeary MIXED the family COW. But
the family COW was FESTIVE, and kicked
over a lamp, by whose dim light the lady
ushered the streams of milk into the
OLeary milk pail, and the, eby hung a
tale. Not the tail Of the O'Leary COW.
For the O'Leary COW passed in her
checks as a result OF the pernicious &C.
curacy Of the aim of her flexible hind
foot, and when Paddy emerged from the
kitchen, to discover the secret of the
noisy invocations of st. Patrick at the
lips Of the wife of his bosom, Chicago
had started up in smoke. The O'Leary
family and the O'Leary COW had sud-
denly become twin jewels in the diadem
of fame. And now Paddy is dead-suc-
stumbled to heart disease two days ago,
in the new Chicago. He was the sole
surviving relic of the O'Leary's. The
O'Leary COW was the heroine of an in
voluntary barbecue Of her own construc-
ton; the soul Of the O'Leary pig has
long since been gathered to his fathers,
the flesh having been transformed stimuli
taneously into salt pork and side bacon.
And naught remains of the O'Leary FAM
lily but a fondly aeeting memory Of the
long ago, when-as powerful and %convinc-
ing an example of the occasional crises
which are presided over by the brute
creation as the salvation of Rome by the
cackling Of geese-the proud head Of
Chicago was Bonded to the dust 10 pros
trate desolation at the accurate hind
foot of the O'Leary COW.
There is an awful mental strain upon
Russell Sage these days. Several large
SUITS involving many millions Of dollars
have been brought against him, and for
three days Mr.. Sage has been sleeping
on the floor to save the wear and tear on
the sheets and mattress from llls troubled
and restless attempts to sleep at night.
If these suits should be decided against
Mr.. Sage, there would remain to him but
about $8O,0OO,000 of what was once q
large fortune. Even the cranberry pie
and sardines, with which, on Sundays,
Mr.. Sage is accustomed to regale
himself, az q sort Of self-given reward
for q weeks laborious work, will
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