The morning news., 1894-11-21
w YORK
WHY THINGS COME TO PASS.
The InWardnCSS Of the Real Science Of
Events.

Being a Brief Inquiry Into Certain
happenings, Together With Reheo-
tions Upon the Psriodicity of the
Same and the Advantages to the Race
From Knowledge Thereof.
/ From the New York Times.
/ When the future philosopher who is to
/ determine the Science Of Events gathers
| his facts, tabulates them properly, stud
/ les them carefully, and makes his deduc-
| tions he viii have a neat little list of
/ truths to impart to his fellow-men. Per-
/ haps a friendly poet win put them in
| rhyme for the convenience of youth, for.
/ of course the new learning will be added
/ TO the curriculum Of the schools of the
/ period. 1t viii not please the boys and
/ girls, but it will be a great thing for the
race
The meat of the Science Of Events is to
explain why things happen. Ambitious
/ persons have tried to do something in this
line ever since Adam and Eve sat down be-
side their gripsacks outside the Garden
/ of Edens gates to consider the situation
/ Their descendants have been offering eX-
plantations of various matters ever since
ana it is noted that nobody ever agreed
completely with anybody else, not even
in the case Of the republican wise men
. who tried to account for the last presi-
Dental election. This circumstance is go
ing to make the philosopher a lot OF
trouble.
Now, it is clear that he who Is going
to tell why something came to pass must
know, to begin with, when it occurred. If
/ he IS TO evolve a system, his first work
will be to figure out his time theory. As
the Harlem Pan-Philosophical Society
puts it, Without the when, how the
/ whereefore2" p"
Luckily for the coming scientific man
he win have the press as his ally y
paiustaktug study of its records will show
him many things. Just as the astron-
omers will teach him when TO look for
comets and eclipses, the newspapers win
reveal the periodicity Of mere earthly oc>
curreuces, and to avoid any interruption
in his supply of wisdom he can pay for
a years subscription in advance. He
cant always be sure Of his comets so far
ahead BY studying the newspapers he
will notice these phenomena, among
others:
About the first of the year a direful
chronicle comes from the Yale College In
/ New Haven. 1t rectes that all the ath-
letcs of that institution have been stricken
with palsy, that the new men are weak
I lngs, and that Yale has about decided to
oonfine herself to mere book learning
/ leaving muscular matters to other col
leges. This news is good for a month or
two. Then comes an amended edition
Yale, although she has no hope, will put
teams and a crew in the college contests
as usual But she has no hope of winning
anythng-that is distinctly understood
Along IN May the news from New Haven
is devoted almost exclusively to the
chances of the university crew. A week
or two before the race with Harvard some
coacher somes out i'm interviews prac-
tically abandoning all hope. The scientific
man will notice that there is money in the
long run in taking all odds against the
Yale boat When the predictions are es-
pecialiy direful
II he follows the college athletes he viii
p notice that the era of despair sets in in
| New Haven again soon as the foot
J ball team goes into training in the early
fall And he will also observe that the
] louder the wall the more profit there Is
/ in wagering modest sums on the Yale
eleven.
Late winter OF early spring brings the
, news of the destruction of the Delaware
, peach crop. This flower of fact never fails
q TO bloom 1t can be depended upon every
. time.
S The same season has its regular features
& IN the records of the animal kingdom.
, Late in March tle big snake which es-
I capped last tall from the circus appears in
G PENNSYLVANIA or Connecticut He is tuyap-
! ty-hve feet long and had red eyes. He is
= thoroughly reliable annual The pickerel
j IN DCDb's pond lt0Wu ship NAV vary from,
o. year 10 year, tunnel across TO Lake HonL-
S mons where the ice breaks up earlier. In
- B florlda waters tarpon seven feet eight
e and one-hat inches long jumps into tbe
o boat Of a northern fisherman. Who's. ip
p luals are either J. =. or W. H. and vim
e is likely to hail from Philadelphia. About
e. the same time there comes from Washing
e ton the annual report Of the increase iu
the number of the survivors of the war ~
1879 vi
). Early in March the fayorite for the
bIoohlyu handicap breaks down on MAY
b or Pee RECEIVERS his form
the Long Island turtle which has cut in
JUS suei o. : v. r. k.-his turtle-NTay
@ = 10y can pe depended upon 20 keep the
anniversary by being captured AS lIsual
b De shows no marks OF his great age except
d tnat his shell ls turning gray I'm spots
If June l1 hunters give mp AN hope of wood.
t cock lt is discovered that a cold rain iu
thr spring killed am the eggs
ANother turtle is tp DE looked for early
"a in July. Hs walks or craWls ucro-s a .,,,,,.
t Geld aui SO sharp are M, edges of his
shell that ho Ehaves Off seven rows mi
q stalks One and thrce-Ouurtrr inches 4r hoo.
% the level ut the ground
A. Ih0 sea serpent is due ON or about Juiy
T. fD fHs head aa bls us 8 barrel au.I ts
r calculated '' hs seN"uty-uiu, Aua Cd hsn
e .,'l h I.hH'h. I'e 'Hrfer his hrad three
iUI uIi rot water uuI moves with err.f
u dignity Dut Hu unIuulst .HIfl of Vlui Dr..
"a Won't. lIt iHsHuH WHINsHII boat susarrat
u lfHW .rIi'Ur .'uuEH|. uf hm fur Ht..Ir.
t'. tI.H..i. i.U.h'. when IIaf .Htu b.. fe
h'f.'" H.. uaInF forced