Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-05-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

1hOIC octu blluu dllVC-I1erOoS.
A repeating rifle - Plagiarism. -
Truth.
The rule of the minority-That Of
the first baby.
"One-half the world doesn't know
how the other half lives" Neither
does the other half. Life.
He-"Here comes Mrs. Gadabout.
That woman goes everywhere. She
Eyes, except home. "-Harper's Ba-
Ear.
Va-"Why is the leader of the choir
like pine tree?" Pa-"Give it up"
Va-"Both give the pitch. The
Hullabaloo.
Man shows his teeth and growls;
but woman shows her teeth and smiles;
with far better chance of attaining her
object. Puck.
Few people can stand prosperity;
but they are legion compared with the
people who never have chance to
stand it. t.-Puck.
Nervous Wife--'I hear a burglar"
Nervous Husband-"Woo! I'll crawl
under the bed and see if he as there"
New York Weekly.
''Er--has young Hill come into his
money yet?" "Come into it? Great
Scott, man! He's gone clear through
it. Buffalo Courier.
There is nothing like certainty;
and yet most people prefer the un.
certain prospect of starvation to the
certain prospect of death. Puck.
The whole system of right and
wrong hinges on the question whether
a disagreeablo thing disagrees with
us, or we disagree with the disagree.
able thing. Puck.
Teacher-"Now,r remember, that in
order to become proficient vocalist
you must have patience. Miss Flip
kins-"Yes; and SO must the neigh
bors. Washington Star.
''You say you have been in Kansas
City. l suppose the place was built
almost wholly on bluffs. " 81 guess it
was. There seemed to be little money
around. Buffalo Courier.
Mr.. Gusher Ia self-satisfied bore)
-'I can tell just what people are
thinking of me-" Miss Pert I'm
deed How very unpleasant it must
be for you. Brooklyn Life.
An Irish lawyer said to witness:
'You're II nice fellow, amt you?"
Witness replied: 81 am, sir, and if 1
was not on my oath I'd say the same
of you. Oakland Enquirer.
'It pains me very much to spank
you. Johnny" said his mother with
deep feeling, "and [ shall have to turn
you over to your father His hands
are harder. Chicago Tribune.
Elder Sister-'I'm writing to Amy,
is there anything you'd like to say TO
herr" Younger Sister (who hates
Amy -"Yes, plenty; but you'd better
only give her my love. Tit Bits
Employer-"Boy, take this letter,
and wait for an answer" New Boy
eyes, sir" ''Well, what
are you waiting for?" New Boy
"1he answer. sir. "-Harper's Bazaar.
"Grandpa, said Tommy, examin.
ing critically the bald head of his an
cestor, ''may I ask you question:"
Certainly, Tommy" ''Do Won comb
your hair with razor ?"-Texas Sift
ings
That's what | call hush money"
remarked the daddy when he planked
down the cash for a bottle of paregoric
to take home for use among the in.
fantile portion Of the family. Brook.
lyn Life.
Il am collecting bills for Sugar,
Spice A Go. Collecting bills, are
you? Very we'll have two or three
of their bills which You are welcome
30 add 30 your collection. "-New York
Weekly.
Mamma "Why has Lucy gone
home 80 carly | thought she Was to
stay All day. Mary ,conhdentiallyl
well, mamma, iust found she wasn't
a friend could quarrel with. hate
Fields Washington.
Clergyman Visiting prisoal 80
you were arrested lor passing bad
money, mY msn Convict Not
exactly, sir Non sss, Il the muney
hat passed., ! sonidA have been a.
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