Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-02-15
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
MANY Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
Sprlnkles OF Spice.


AGE seems to increase the value of
everything except women and butter.
Texas Siftings.
MAY-"If you were I what would
you do?" blackwell, first Of all,
I'd let me kiss you. Life.
WHEN a man has no bills against
him, he must feel as if he belonged
to the nobility. Texas Siftings.
ais PETERBY good thinker" "He
never INDUCES in anything but a
Pullman vestibuie train of thought"
Judge.
CUsToMER-Why do you call this
the latter Christmas" rose? Florist
Because it hasn't a scent. -lndi
annapolis Journal.
HE--Why do you regard marriage
use of it to get money belonging to
others. New York Herald.
MY son, observe the postage stamp
its usefulness depends upon its
ability to stick to one thing till it
gets there. --Elmira Gazette.
$50 SHE'S really going to be mar
ried?" Eyes" Il suppose she thinks
of nothing but the future" well,
she only talks of the presents"
MANY men this motto have.
Much to their creditors sorrow;
Meier pay to-day that which can be
Put Off until to- morrow.
Buffalo Courier
UNCLE-Well, Robbie, how did you
stand at school last term? Robbie
Sometimes with my face in the corner
and sometimes up at the teachers
desk.
"MY son." said an irate father, edo
you know why / am about to whip
you?" 4 suppose because you're the
biggest" said Tommy.-Music and
Drama.
PROF. SUCCI TANNA-W What will
you pay me to undertake forty-day
fast at your museum. Manager
Well, I'll pay your board while you
fast.-Puck.
AN OvEREsTIMATE.- He-But you
didn't think my Grafton was sopho-
moric, did you? She-No. On the
contrary, | thought it was rather
fresh. brooklyn Life.
HE-Do you think I could get
pass on your fathers road9 She
No; they don't pass anything but
dividends on his road. I've heard
him say Philadelphia Press.
MISS .SwEETLY-I always feel per-
fectly stupid when photographer
tells me to look pleasant. Miss
Tartly-How nice it must be to know
you'll get a perfect picture, dear.
STILLINGFLEET-"H could you
conscientiously tell Miss Elder that
she is the only woman you ever
]oved?" Tillinghast-"It is a fact
The others were all young girls. -
Vogue
Miss SwfFTLY-"I guess Edwin is
being congratulated. Do you see all
the men rush up to him, now it is
known we are engaged?" Miss Sew
erly-"Perhaps they are comparing
notes. Puck.
The really wise man is the fellow
who knows what will be unpopular
before the great, fiat-footed public
jumps on it. 1t may also be re-
marked. parenthetically, that he is
mighty scarce.
AT THE THEATER. Will - Say,
Jack, how much did you pay for these
seats? Jack-SiX dollars and half.
Will-Well, next time let's save our
money and go toa milliners opening.
Boston Beacon.
yx,hn hos fnyc
whistling God Save the QueenD -
"Begorra. it's dom good thing yez
how Crane fthers an yez. If yez was
a canary Ord twisht yer neck fer
yez "-Brooklyn Life.
TEACHER-I find only one mistake
in your exercise You have parsed
photograph as noun of feminine
gender. Why did you do that?
cause thought it was one Of the
machines that repeats everything you
say"
allow HAS young Fosdick succeeded
out West in the crockery business?"
"Splendidly! Amassed large for
tune in three years. miraculous"
Not at all. You see, he secured
contract to supply dishes in an in
sane asylum. Puck.
PRESIDENT Of the Kitefyers' Ma
tional Bank-"What's this item in
our statement Of assets-S95, 000 PIP"
Cashier-"Yes, sir I thought those
odd cents would look mighty well"
President-"Well, they would look
better if the item wasn't gold coin
on hand. Life.
WIFE-~George, I wish you be-
longed to my church. The new min
lister is man you would like" Hus-
band "Notsuch d bigoted Methodist
as the other, then, is he?" Wife
mo: he's very broad! He believes
that Episcopalians, if they repent,