Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1894-12-22
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JcsTS AND YARNS ~ FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.
ceuIdnt Match lt..9aie Made.
Too Poor. For che Famiiy's Coed
Name. Etc., Etc.
COULDN'T MATCH IT.

The elegantly-attired lady moved
quietly up to the glove counter.
where there was new clerk, who was
polite and willing enough, but he
didn't know much about the busi-
ness.
81 want II pair Of gloves to match
gray wool dress" she said.
Certainly, Madam" he replied
rs he bounced around to the boxes.
He dragged down a lot of them,
and then turned back to the lady.
81 am very sorry, Madam he
said, but we haven't got gray
wool glove In the house. p Detroit
Free Press.
SALE MADE.
It was in u Paris shop. They were
on their wedding tour.
''1f could speak French I'd ask
the price Of this bit of lace and buy
It for you, said he. unfortunately,
however. I can't"
II spik re Anglecsh prett goot. Zo
lace ees seexty frame" said the
salcswomap, and Of course the poor
bridegroom had TO buy it, Harper's
Bazaar.
TOO POOR.
Janc-So you have accepted that
old inillionaire?'
Frou-Frou-Ies, dear.
Jane-Why didn't you give the old
thing the mitten?
observation-disclosures hadn't one.
Don't you know, I'm so poor I
couldn't buy u mittcn IL yarn were
selling at u cent u TONI Detroit
Free Press.
CAUSE FOR CAUTION.
"What made you take all TINT i'm.
pudcnce from that iellow?" asked
the friendly passenger OF tho con.
ductor. "Why. he didn't even pay
his fare."
That's it," said the conductor
III he had paid his fire, I'd have
broken his head; but he's riding on
a pass, and maybe he has pull. -
Harlem Life.
MORE WORRY FOR THE CHILDREN.
~ say, Jen," called little Tommy.
"What?" returned his sister.
"Why, Twas just thinkin-you've
always had to wear mas old dresses
made over an I've always been stuck
with pas old clo'es-which of us
d'you s'pose'll have things made out
O. mas bicycle boomers when they
get old"'-(Chicago Record.
I'd like to be tough as a football
Which feels not the kick that's q
ripper,
For then could smile when my
mother
Plays solo on me with her clipper.
-[Harper's Bazar.
HOW lie Won HER.
~ will be yours" she whispered.
He smoOthed the raven hair that
lay on the marble brow and muir
INJURED pns sionately;
''Won ut last !"
mo, not until We arc united In
marriage" and she laughed softly tc
herself.
That's one on me- ae said.
He had forgotten that she was thu
humorist Of the Weekly Bugle.-
New York Press.
A DELICATE QUESTION.
Father: I do not require that tn,
man who marries my daughter shall
be rich. All that ask Is that he b,
able to keep out OF debt.
Suitor: Would you consider MAJ
In debt who borrOws money from hi
father.in-law'-[Life.
A scHEMER.
Eaton-Slicksmith. the new board
er, always refers to the contents O
the milk pitcher as cream.
Lanks-H'm! Wonder what hit
.. little game is?-(Puck.
PLAIN LANGUAGE.
, NO." said Mrs. Fisher, II dom
| call myself lady but simply aplail
, woman
Well" said Mrs. Candor, "you'r
, plain enough; that's act."-[Nev
! York Press.
THE FINEST KIND.
She (reading)-Bells are now mad
OF steel in this country.
He-Yes; but the finest ones ar
, made OF silk and satin.
7 1T WOULD SEEM so.
1T is hard to write popular conf
, song"
II should think writing of any kin
; would come hard to the writer OF
popular comic song. ~ New Yor
Press.
EXTENUATING.
Friend-Your son has become
I great dialect poet.
{ Parcnt-Well, he amt entirely I
, blame. ! never could spell myself
| suppose he came honestly by it,
4 Detroit Tribune.
NOT UTTERLY OBJECTIONABLE.
: Amy Qndignantly)-iou are jus
) like the villain of Il novel!
p. Jack-Wcll, what ought / to b
hA,A % ,nualp