Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-07-05
OUR BUDGET OF FUN!
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed tn
Have Been Recently Born-Sayings and
Doin~s that Are Odd, Curious, and Laugh-
able--The Weeks HumOr.
Let Us ALI Laugh.

Let Us ALA Laugh
THE undertaken never prides him,
self on building up live business
Inter Ocean.
ABOUT the only chance for poor
gas consumer is to burn with indig+
nation. Plain Dealer.
THOSE who start out for lark are
apt to take many swallow on the
road. Lowell Courier
THE fool is a man who goes up to a
blockhead and implores him to be-
sensible. -Galveston News.
THERE is often close relationship
between crooked actions and desper-
ate straits. Lowell Courier.
IT is true that doctors disagree, but
then they don't disagree half as much
as their medicines do.-Life.
AFTER all it is only right that the
bill collector should treat his victims
with due respect. Buffalo Courier.
UNCLE GEoRGE-Are you good at
guessing? Little Dick-Yes, indeed.
Pm head in the spelling class. Good
News.
THE Western rivers are quoted
considerably higher than the West
ern railroads just at present. Boston
Herald.
IT is not alone the inebriate who
stakes a drop too much;" the balloon
ist often suffers the same penalty. -
Yonkers Stateman.
A YOUTH visiting girl six or sew
en- times week also proves time is
money. He uses it to pay his adj
dresses. -Philadelphia Times.
GRANDPA's birthday: "Many happy
returns of the day, grandpa: and
mamma says if you give us each so
cents, we mustn't lose it. "-Brooklyn
Life.
GILHOoLY-I wonder why wars are
not as prolonged now as they were in
ancient times? Mrs. Gilhooly-It
must be because divorces come easier.
Detroit Tribune.
THAT new bullet-proof cloth may
keep out bullets, but has any one
tried it in pair of knickerbockers
for small boy? That should be the
final test Buffalo Express.
SOME of the New York policemen
have not been in a hurry to clean out
the saloons, but they have done their
best, it would seem, to clean out the
proprietors. -Yonkers Statesman.
HE-"They are not on speaking
terms, you know" Shc-"Why, they
are dead in love with each other" He
-"For that reason they don't speak;
they just sit and gaze at each other"
Boston Transcript.
"SIR," said the indignant constitu+
ent, Il am compelled to say that you
have acted the part of knave."
Great JONAH" replied the astonished
Congressman, would you have me be
a fool?"-Indianapolis Journal.
"WHEN I look into your eyes, Jen-
ME, DEAR" he said, lit surprises ne
to remember that you are teacher
of primary class" "Why, George?"
pills are SO large. "-Harper's Bazaar.
JACK has finished my por trait !"
AT last! / didn't think he ever
would. ooh, yes! He's been at work
on it only year" "Dear me! Isn't,
that long time?" ave didn't think
so. We're engaged now. "-Harpera'
Drawer.
BRIDGET-D'ye moind tn way thin
Oytalians motions wild their hands
an arrums an heads and bodies
whin they talks? Patrick-Begorra,
how Use could they understand phat
ach other do be chatterin' about. -
New York Weekly.
IT is very much easier for girl to
stand before an audience in a white
silk dress and the consciousness that
she is looking we'll, and talk Of the
nobility and courage that meet life
boldly, than it is to be patient while
washing dishes. -Atchison Globe.
HUsBAND-"Our bills for household
expenses are as large as ever. | told
you to reduce them" Wite-"I did.
took from $40 to 500 off each one,
but the tradesmen acted so about it
that l thought you'd better 90 around
and reduce them yourself. - New
York Weekly.
Cant you give me employment,
ma'am?" said the tramp. Il haven't
had anything to do for months.
poor fellow! What can you do?"
well, ma'am, am good watcher.
If could sit out here on your front
porch and watch the front gate, SOS
no one could steal it, you'd find
was very competent - Harper's
Bazaar.
The young lady at the piano was
playing a selection from Wagner In
the midst of it she suddenly stopped
in confusion. what is the NATTER"
inquired one of the company. i
struck false note" she replied
"Well, what of it?" said another
Nobody but Wagner would ever
know it, and he's dead. Go ahead
with music. Chicago Tribune.