The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1894-03-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

NttCIotOH -'CNc.
What caused your bookkeeper's
downfall?" Lost his balance. ."-Roch-
ester Democrat.
did our congressman get his bill
through" Yes; lost it in a poker
game. ."-Atlanta Constitution.
If experience teaches why is it that
the fellow who gets whipped always
knows he can whip the other fellow?-
Platndeaier.
Wife-What kind of cards do you
think make the best calling cards?
Husband (absent-mindedl ly)-Aces. -
Rochester Democrat
Customer-Thats a queer-shaped
piece of pie. Looks something like a
turnover. Waiter-No, sir; it's left
oyer.-Good NeaOS.
Yabsley-Do you know what is the
lightest metal? Mudge-Gold,I guess
You can scatter it just by blowing
Indianapolis Journal.
The reason women don't appreciate
the telegram at half its value is that a
postscript cannot be added without ex-
ira charge.--Ieras Sytings.
The last time | heard from Bliegins
he was in very poor health. Is he
dead?" NO. But he has moved to
Philadelphia. - Washington Star.
The Man (with an only SOM What
kind of scholars do YOU turn out at
this institution? Principal-Those
who won't study.-Teras Sytlngs.
When you meet young man who
takes pride in being cynical you gen
orally have some excuse for being Gym
ical yourself. f.-S0nperUttte Journal.
Foster-Old Popleigh dresses much
better than he used to. Felton-Yes;
his boys are now large enough for him
to wear their cast-off clothes.
Bluster-Do you mean to say that |
am liar? Blister-Iho hope that could
not do so ngentlemanly a thing. But
| see you catch my idea.-BoSt0R Tran
script.
First Poet-Don't you notice quite a
decline in poetry in the newspapers?
Second Poet-You bet! I've had six
pieces declined this week.-N Y
Press.
Have you met that elderly girl that
Smith has married? He says she is
sample of Virginia beauty" "A sam
pie! | should call her remnant
Vogue.
Husband-How did you get rid of
that big, ugly servant girl? Wife-I
hired a bigger and uglier one to drive
her out and take her place.-N Y
Weekly.
There's one good thing about an
afternoon tea" remarked politicians
daughter. whats that?" There's
always quorum on hand. y WaShing-
ton Star.
Although arithmetics teach that
mum bers of different articles cannot
be added TO each other many man
has succeeded in adding insult to in
jury.-Butat0 Courier.
Son-Father, why do they call
preachers doctors of divinity? Father
(of the old schooD D-Because so MANY
preachers doctor their divinity TO suit
their own ideas.-Puck
Cholly-The doctaw has ordered a
complete rest, has positively forbidden
me even to think, k,dontcherknow. Gym
lcus-Did he have the gall to charge
you for that advice e?-YiUth.
He-lt was very rude of you to try
to show your contempt for me before
all those people. She (sweetly) i was
not trying to show it; was trying to
ii. t.-fhtLadcipAta record.
what l want" said the anarchist.
is reform" "And that" replied the
police justice, "iS what you're going TO |
get if there is any moral efficacy in |
all discipline. y Washington STIR.
Mrs. Peachblow-Why does your
husband carry such tremendous life
Insurance when he's in such perfect
health? Mrs. Flicker-Oh, Just to tanta-
ze me. Men are naturally cruel. el.-LJe. |
Nodd-Not long ago | told Clinker
about drinking whisky to cure a cold.
he get rid of the cold?
Nodd-O. yes. Now.he is trying to
yet rid of the delirium tremens.-M
Y. Herald.
Travers-I was coming out of my
house this morning and | met my
-ailor. Jagway-W What did he have to
say? Travers-O, it was so long since
le had seen me that he didn't know
me.-N. Y. Herald.
Solo-I shall sue this paper for libel.
1t calls me liar, swindler, and a
thief. Bolus-You are sure to recover.
You know the great principle in law,
-he greater the truth the greater the
ibel.-Spa}e Moments.
"Che little mermaids and merboys !
never have any snow under the ocean,
10 they, mammal" said Jacky. NO,
lear" Il suppose, instead of snow
ball fights they have fishball fights,
eh?" said Jacky.-Harpe1'S Young Peo-
pie.
"Will anyone tell me-" shouted the
prohibition orator, "who, save those
engaged in this accursed traffic, gets
any benefit from it?" And a voice
from the audience replied: "Well, we're
a-payin' yew $50 a night. ."-DstroH
Tribune.
Hardup-"You have not performed
the task according to my direction"
Cp-and- d-Coming-"No, sir" "Why I
not?" Because | have been realizing
the old proverb." "And that is?" "AIl
work and no pay makes Jack dull
boy Boston Gazette.
Guest-Landlord, you v av bring me
a sirloin steak. Let it be fresh and
juicy, broiled half through, but not
too rare, very tender and be sure that
YOU use real fresh butter. Landlord
" hy,if had such fine thing as that,
sir, I'd eat it myself!-FUegeilde BLaet-
Ter.
Bobby-Aunt Nellie, what became
Of the swine that had evil spirits cast
INTO them, in the Bible? Aunt Nellie
They plunged head foremost into
Lhe sea, Bobby" Bobby triumphant
y)-Not bit of it. auntie They
we're made into deviled ham. Brook
yn Life.
~Wagg," said Dawson, "why are you
always using my name in your jokes
lax L. II !