The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1894-11-10
TOO MANY CoLONEI6


Colonies are getting to b 1eaFly .
create nuisance - tho kuaeae1 cacsus.
s.vs the Fargo ArguA They IRE null
tiplyin9 and increasing With danger
ons rapidity. You can scarcely throw
atone ct : dog without running the
RI m, Of accidentally hitting : eoloneL
Colu els in multi, which may Be oroed-
s Ssrespsrs 1HEoy, IN stable 1roers Tor q
boote q rubber sts1as fixing onnea. 1T =.
emit medicines or plasters, arc -
mon a. straight whisky in Kentucky
or o. new theories Of government In .
populist mass-meeting. It was once
proposed to raise regiment composed
entirely Of colonies. The troubles now
adays would be not to get the regimAnt,
but to select from enough applicants for
an army corps Fargo alone could prob
ably furnish more colonies than there
are In the active list Of the army-and
some of Fargo's colonies are men who
really have served in the army, which
distinguishes them from the colonies
of most communities. The captain"
the 'jedge" and the 'smajor" are not
to be mentioned in the same day with
the colonels. These old relics Of south
ern barrooms are vastly in the minor
ity, and the day Of the colonels is at
hand. 1>sss~s<eass -
Like the lilies of Egypt they throng;
like the grasshoppers Of Missouri they
congregate. From every station in
life, from every profession, Of every
age and condition, there are colonies
to the right and left. colonies I'D lib
itum and ad nauseam. From whence
this great aggregation Of colonelistic
talent? Where have been bred tho
eagles TINT have swooped down and
roasted upon all these shoulders? Some
Of them were infants in arms when the
late war closed, some Of them were
manipulators Of hotel registers and
concocters Of the tittilating cocktail
while the war ragged, and some have
beea tenders Of equestrian steeds since
they have been high enough to reach .
stirrup. How come these to be dubbed
''colonel?" -s-Hss
Faithful and persistent inquiry
among the colonies themselves throws
little light upon the subject. Some
cannot claim anything haf4er tnan
shat +hA;- 4u.-A., Gle kept hotel
barded. They do
that they themselves
There would seem to
leason why the ma
I. q clean, starched
diamond pin, look
to heaven as he
< with his lips and
at . guest, should
ding military
oel only be-
lens to bl .+-.;n.
-. Another colonel. when
TO ms command, hemmed .
,ut ON . trown, supposed to be
J, pulled his shirt collar little
ner, and replied that he had for
GOTTEN the number Of his regiment.
sit wss 30 long AGO, you know, and I
have always had = bad head for fig
ures." Another explained that hav-
,ng formed q partnership with . major,
who was . junior in concern, It be-
came necessary. a. matter OF disci-
pline to the help, that he should rank
his partner. The fact remains, how
ever, that the colonies are overrunning
the earth and consuming the substance
thereof. Privates are as scarce a. the
teeth OF hepA Most unmilitary people
think that corporal Is the higher od1-
Ger, and whoever hears Of sergeant
There Is general impression abroad
that q colonel has something to do
with Aorses-something between far
rier and veterinary surgeou-and the
real co1onels, the few who really bore
Uncle Sans commission a. such, are
without honor in the country where
mock colonies constitute majority Of
the male population over the ago Of
twenty. y ~
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