Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-11-30

1914
that we may repair him to resemble his
former self, somewhat. If you will advise
me as to whether his ears were of the deli
cate, sea-shell description, or Of the large
generous, bologna-sausage variety, l will
see that the work of repairing himi is begun
upon at once. We have collected nearly q
bushel OF fragments of noses and ears from
the field of battle, but he is altogether un-
able to pick out the ones which belong to
him from the rather indiscriminate and
HETEROGENEOUS collection, and so his case
must remain at a standstill until | hear
from you.
"The backbone of another Of the players
has also been twisted into the semblance
Of the Old English letter S, and he will
probably be unable to participate in the
Thanksgiving game. Still, he is quite en-
thusiastic, and if I can find a lower Jaw to
replace the one which he seems to have
aid down somewhere and forgotten, he may
be ablet to fill some one of the lighter posi-
tons on that date.
perhaps the most wonderful example of
devotion to the game is that of an unknown
patient, who suffers from a sprained ankle
and a compound fracture of the right
femur, with attendant hip dislOcatiOn. A
nurse very carelessly exposed a well filled
hOt-Water bag, shortly alter the PATIENTS
injuries had been dressed, and with a wild
cry, which is supposed to have been the
J Yale college yell, he leaped clear of his
BED, and: standing upon the sprained ankle.
kicked the bag through three panes of
heavy plate glass with his broken leg. at
| which the Yale yell was picked up and
i echoed wildly by twelve of the patients.
On the whole, the condition of the men
may be said to be reassuring, and as fast as
they recover sufficient vitality, they WILDE
returned to their respective college GYM
nasiums.
II have the honor TO be. ETC."
This is not the complete report, but it
will serve to prove that the howls Of the
humanitarians against the harmless
sport, is both ill-ad7ised and premature.
l am a great admirer of football myself,
and dislike to have the facts of the game
I misrepresented. And 1 hope the above
figures and facts may result in the par
tial vlndication Of the greatest sport
since the torture stake Of the primaeval
Indians was pulled up by the United
States government.
I have received in the course OF the
past few days, a number of personals
from. individuals who desire to commun-
icate with friends upon matters of both
business and pleasure through this
column. I can see no good objection
to thus lending a helping hand to the
distressed, and I append a number Of
the personals hereto. If the persons to
whom they are addressed desire to an,
swer through the same medium, they are
at liberty to do 80, at their own pleasure
and regular rates:
II the person who removed an umbrella
from the doorway at No. III E.. Seventh
street will call at the blasted oak Just west
of the house any time tonight, he will find
a fine, new water proof which goes with
the umbrella.
J.Z. TO BRIDGET F.-COme back to us.
Bridget, and the broken soup tureen will
mot be taken from your wages. The east
parlor has been refitted for your company
and you may use our box at the theater on
Saturday nights, in addition to Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Fri
day nights, as heretofore.
N. B.-Y0u will find the crank to the
hash chopper or the broken nail Just inside
the woodshed.
Should this meet the eye of Pansy B., she
may know that the young man with the
blonde mustache, who sat behind her at the
rehearsal last night, will be there again to-
night with a step.ladder. from which he
will endeavor to witness the performance.
II the dashing young man with the curly
hair, who firted with the young girl in the
red slippers at the corner of Seventh street
and Lexington avenue, last night, will be
at the SAM place tonight, the brother of
the young lady will be pleased to hack up
his cO%untenance with a broken beer bottle.
and no questions asked. Reply through
this column.
The toothbrush which IS held for Sc
curlty at III Dayton avenue, upon the board
bill OF the portly gentleman with the silk
hat, is about to be sold for taxes, and can
not be redeemed after ten days from this
date. II the $14.75 is deposited at this office
by Friday, the brush will be placed in the
crotch OF the Eighth street fire hydrant,
where its owner may secure it after dark
II he prefers to remain unknown.
z. S.-The bricks which were found in
his valise have been sold to the Prospect
Heights Building and Loan Association.
CLARA B. To ADELBERT.-A green light
upon the front porch at 8 o'clock may be
taken to mean that papa's govt is troubling
him again, and you would better not call
until you hear from me again through this
column.
N. B.-The dog is still at the east en-
trance, and has a longer chain, so perhaps
it would be better for you to climb over the
back yard fence, and then come down the
chimney. Love and a kiss.
If the proprietor OF the lodging house
where the consumptive person with the
red necktie slept last Thursday night, will
call at the postofice on Sunday, he will find
a registered letter containing several dozen
of the other occupants Of the bed, which
were brought away unintentionally. In
case they are not wanted. send pedigree at
once to Lock Box AZ, and they will be sold
to the Cook Brothers Menagerie Company
upon commission.
To MYRTLE.-Be at the blasted pine at
midnight. with a ham sandwich and some
olives. Have eluded the officers of the law,
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