Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1894-04-25
UUMOR OF THE DAY.

4 curious woman-One who is not
Lie.
A hollow mockery-The woodland
echo.-Truth.
A force pump-The cross examining
attorney. truth.
A linn of the Jaw-Painting the de-
fendaut b IcI.-Truth.
1t is only in school that low grades
make uphill wor&.-Ch;clgo Inter-
OCEAN.
Nature covers herself with plaster
of mud to cure that tired feeling in the
spring.-Puck.
Some men aIe too mean to be happy
and others too happy to bo mean. -
Dansville IN. " Breeze.
"Who is to be chaperont' "Mrs.
TalkIngton." "What foolishnessl Why,
she is sufferer from insomnia"
"I wonder why she gave him the nit
ten2" "Oh, that was natural outcome
of the yarns he gave !"-Truth.
When a man is "beside himself" he
generally demonstrates that he doesn't
like the company. Courier.
When woman is trying to write a
letter on a half sheet of paper, much
may be said on both sides.-Texas Slft-
ings.
If q woman can succeed in maxim :
her husband proud of her she can ges
almost anything she wants.-Dallas
News.
A carpet tack is about the only thing
that has the "big head" and still makes
a success OF life.-Dausville IN. "
Breeze.
Where's the profit when spring makes
US happy and gay if it make all the
microbes feel just the same way2-
Washington Star.
The woman of limited means who il
always well dressed either devotes her
entire income or her entire intellect to
her clothes.-Life.
Mabel-"I wouldn't marry the best
man in the world" Jacques-'Alas,
you have male me tie unhappiest OF
men. boston Courier.
Every man thinks that modesty for
bids his telling you what he considers
the cleverest thing in tie way Of story
ever rtold.-Washington Star.
Many woman who resolves when
she is married to make over her husband,
ends by being content to maze over her
6ounets.-DlnsvIlle IN. " Breeze.
And now with rod AMI line AMI hook,
The fisherman so Oolf,
VIII go ami sit doTl by the brook
And catcl felrfu c)ld.
-Klnsas City Journal.
81 haven't any of the liquid quality
that musicians talk a1aJt," said the bass
drum, "but l can drown out the rest of
the band, just the same. ."-Washington
Star.
Mrs. Byer-''Those are nice looking
eggs" Grocer enthusiastically Yes,
indeed; they're birds" And then he
wondered why she didn't buy any
Troy Press.
"It's curious" mused Bjorkins, show
this law of Compensation runs through
everything. Fol example, wherever
there is a we'll off aunt you will always
fES sychophant. Chicago Tribune.
$50 I should make you very happy by
accepting you, countl" "Happyl Ah,
mademoiselle, should die wiz zie hap
piness." "Really, countl You almost
tempt me to say Yes "-Brooklyn Life.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
This maxim let WISE people hurl,
But take them together and they are no
match
For one pretty typewriter girl.
Chicago Iuter-O csan.
At a Dinner Party: Mistr ess--"But,
Mary, how often must l tell you always
to serve on the left2' Mary Qrom the
country)-"Oh, madam, but isn't tina.
merely superstition. n."-Fiigen de Blaet-
ter.
swell, Councillor, I hope you en-
joyed yourself at my house last evening""
"Indeed did, madame. AS a rule,
when drink tea can not slee p after it,
but your tea had not the least effect on
me. ."-Fliegende Blaetter.
Hawker--"My wife and 1 had it out
again this morning as to who should start
the fire." Jepson-"W Which won"
Hawker-"Neither. Before we finished
the argument became so hot my wife got
up and cooked breakfast on it."--Tsoy
Press.