The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-31
A MIXED ORDER.
INC Metaphysical Husband Tries 20 Carry
nv Out His Practical WIGS Ideas. 81. tsS

AHe netaphysical Husband Tries TO Carry
M Out His Practical yyife's Ideas. NO.
John" said the practical wife to her
metaphysical husband, 81 wish you would
g2aown street end get me three yards OF
wnite lace and two pounds Of sirloin steak
oohn, who took no earthly interest in
anyehing less abstruse than Rants philoso-
pny, started off on his errand, repeating his
wlies command over and over on the way,
lest he should forget it.
Three yards OF white lace and two
pounds OF sirlOir steak Three yards of
white lace and two pounds Of sirloin steak"
ne kept repeating over and over oil the way
10 the store. But before he arrived the
soeak and the lace were badly mixed In his
mind. When he entered the dry goods
STORE, no was repeating rapidly to himself:
Three pounds Of sirloin lace and two
yards OF white steak. Two yards OF white
nrloin and three pounds of steak lace"
ao was conscious that he was somewhat
mixed, but he knew he wanted lace Of some
Kind. So he marched up to the young sales
woman and boldly satd:
Iwant some laco.n
Yes. sir" she replied. what kind,
pfease?"
'Sirloin lace, believe"
why, really" replied the saleswoman,
That must be new variety which we have
not yet secured. Are you sure that Is the
namet"
mo" said John II only know want
three pounds of lace of some sort"
But we do not sell it by the pound"
said the saleswoman, REFRESHING the giggle
that it racked her immortal soul ohold I'm.
well, then" said John, "I'll take three
gallons"
We do not sell it by the gallon either"
she said, holding in the earthquake smoker
that was bursting within her. I'VE sell it
by the yard"
We'll, then, give me three yards" said
John, but be sure it is not stale ] al
ways insist upon having fresh food upon
my table"
but lace isn't food" said the saleswom-
an
"Isn'tit9" asked John innocently. well.
give me three pounds-er-yarls of it, what
ever it is, and let me get off,"
But what kind do you want, sirf" asked
the saleswoman. Point lace, applique,
beaded, Brussels, Chenille, Cluny, Mechlin,
Honiton, Dresden, Valenciennes, Damara-
scene, antique or Saxonyf"
II don't know" said John. IT guess you
better turn them all In the can together,
stir 'em round and mix 'em up. and then
shall be sure of getting some Of the kind
my wife wanted me to get"
AhS HAePiSSoiuic RiSSie uSTo D1ESL tOrJD,
and tho saleswoman's life was saved.
After she had recovered from her spasm
Of laughter she said:
Perhaps you can assist me some In Sc
Letting the lace if you will tell me for what
purpose your wife wants it."
We'll. she is putting up canned peaches"
sold John. Perhaps she wants to put the
lace In them"
Hero another giggle came to the explod-
Ing point, and John turned on his heel and
went out in disgust.
Although he went away mad, he resolved
70 finish his errand as best he could So he
went into the butchers and said he wanted
three yards of steak, but he couldn't re-
member for the life of him whether it was
applique, Damarascene, Valenciennes or
antique steak that he was after.
When John arrived home without either
his lace or his steak, his wife said, ut Is
just as expected New York World.