Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1894-01-19
The Pnnner MonopoIist.

1t happened in a tiny Yorkshire village
"a peaceful, respectable spot where folks
| found life bit slow One day, however
a new curate arrived, and that woke things
| up considerably. He was a nice young
man. and, having a large private income OF
his own, was altogether a most desirable
catch. Every unmarried female in the
| place went for him with one accord. But
ordinary feminine Establishments appeared
to have no effect upon him. He was a Sc
riously inclined young man, and once, in
the course of a casual conversation upon
the subject of love, he was heard to say
that he himself should never be attracted
by mere beauty and charm. What would
appeal to him. he said, would be a woman
goodness-her charity and kindness to
the poor.
Well, that set the petticoats all think
ing. They saw that in studying fashion
plates and practicing expressions they had
been going upon the wrong tack. The
card for them to play was "the poor. But
here a serious difficulty arose There was
only one poor person in the whole parish,
a cantankerous old fellow who lived in a
tumbe-down cottage at the back of the
church, and fifteen able-bodied women
eleven girls, three old maids and a wild
owl wanted to be good TO MIN. Miss Sim
monds one of the old maids. got hold of
him first, and commenced feeding him
twice a day with beef-tea: and then the
widow boarded him with port wine and
oysters. Later in the week Others of the
party drifted in upon him, and wanted to
cram him with Jelly and chickens. The
old man couldn't understand it. He was
accustomed to small sack of Goals now
and then, accompanied by a long lecture
Oh his sins, and an coca ,ional bottle of
dandelon tea. This sudden squirt on the
part of Providence puzzled him He said
nothing, however. but contrived to take in
as much of everything as he could hold
At the end of a month he was too fat to
get through his own back-dOor.
The competition among the women-folk
grew keener every day, and at last the old
man began to give himself airs, and to
make the place hard for them He made
them clean his cottage out, and cook his
meals, and when he was tired of having
them about the house, he set them to work
in the garden. They grumbled a good
deal; and there was a talk at one time of
a sort of a strike, but what could they do9
He was the only pauper for miles round.
and knew it. H. had the monopoly, and,
like all monOpoists he abused his position.
He made them run errands. He sent them
out to buy his "baccy,N at their own eX-
pense. On one occasion he sent Miss Sim
monds out with jug to get his supper
beer She Indignantly refused at first, but
he told her that if she gave him any of her
stuck-up airs out she would 20 and never
come into his house again If she wouldn't
dc II, there were plenty of others who
would She knew it and went
They have been in the habit of reading
to him-good books with an elevating ten
dency. But now he put his foot down upon
that sort of thing. He said he didn't want
Sunday-school rubbish at his time of life
What he liked was something spicy And
he made them read him French novels and
seafaring tales containing realistic Ian
guage. And they didn't have to skip
anything either, or he'd know the rea-
son why. He said he liked music so a
few of them dubbed together and bought
him harmonium. Their idea was that
they would sing hymns and play high class
melodies, but it wasn't his. His idea was
Keeping up the old girls birthday and
''She winked the other eye" with chorus
and skirt dance, and that's what they
sang.
To what lengths his tyranny would have
gone IL is dlncult to say, had not an event
happened that brought his power to a pre-
mature collapse. This was the curate's
sudden and somewhat unexpected mar
riage with a very beautiful burlesque act
ress who had lately been performing in a
neighboring town. He gave up the church
on his engagement, in consequence of his .
tiancees objection TO becoming a minis
ter's wife. She said she should never
II fp' h.
the curate's wedding the old pauper's brief f.
career of prosperity ended. They packed
him off to the workhouse after that. and /.
made him break stones. -''NOrei Notes. f.
bY Jerome h. JEROME