St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1894-01-14

head are so near together. Is there any
way to separate them? l am Willing 10
take ANYTHING to have the shape OF my
head changed. Will you suggest
remedy and earn the everlasting gratl-
tude Of Yours truly,
E. PERCY PADDLEFoRD?
am very glad. Percy. to furnish you
a recipe for changing the shape OF your
head. MY treatment is slow, but IL is
harmless, and guaranteed to change any
head into any shape required. by my
method any man can be his own SKULL
carver. his own head-carpenter, ana the
use of all dangerous and deleterlouS
drugs is avoided.
method is metaphysical one; but
before beginning on the treatment
proper-here are few physical. ana
even mechanical rules, which, IN your
case, could be observed advantageously.
You intimate that your chin Is small
and that the top and bottom or your
head are altogether too contiguous.
This defect can be materially Iemedied
by keeping your mouth open. ms VIII
separate the top and bottom OF your
face, add all inch and half to the
length of your head and give you a
frank and open expression of counten-
ance.
To make yournose longer take large
rock, weighing thirty or forty pounds,
and attach it to a rope, or. II you are or
an aesthetic taste, to a silver OF gold
chain: hitch the other end to your nose
and let it dangle. The rock may posi-
bly, interfere with your locomotion, and
bother you some in your work III the
saw mill; it may possibly attract some
attention when you walk down the
road, and have tendency to impede
your swimming when you go I'D
bathing. 1t may also excite the
ridicule of few thoughtlesS souls, who
are incapable of approaching great
moral purpose. But be not discouraged;
your aim is noble, your purpose high.
and if you wear this rock three years
your nose will be an inch and quarter
longer.
But this is only the physical and me-
chanical part of my remedy. Now
comes the metaphysical part of my
treatment, which L can say, without
Boosting, has never yet been known to
idlls i have never lOSL q EAST.
The reason, Percy, that your head
bulges out behind and does not bulge
out in front is due to the fact that you
do not think things. Your thinking
muscles, which lie in this part of the
Uranium, have not been developed. Now
all you have got to do is simply to think
things in order to bulge out the front of
your head. Observe what a fine head
Shakespeare had. But if you follow
my course of treatment you can have
one just like it. 1t is the simplest thing
in the world. All you have got TO do is
think thoughts like Shakespeare's and
and SO train the same head muscles that
he trained. Will you not do this, Percy?
Plato had such large head that it al
most made him stagger to carry it
around. But if you will practice, Percy,
three times day, for three hours on
stretch. for a period of thirty years,
thinking the same thoughts as Plato
thought, you will have head warranted
to be as good as Plato's. l know that
the bold simplicity of this system may
not Impress you, because you were eX-
pecting that l would prescribe bitters
and course of dieting. But do not,
entreat you, despise it because it looks
so simple and so easy. l have tried 1t
myself, ana know that 1t works.
You wish. you say. to look like Dan |
iel Webster. A noble ambitionl Well. |
you can do it: and all you have to do is |
to travel through the country for a |
series of years, making as good speeches |
as Daniel Webster used to make. Do |
this. Percy, persistently and conscien- |
tiously for generation or two, and you |
will develop the same head muscles that |
Daniel developed, and you will be able |
to use Daniel Webster's photograph for !
you own.
AS all architectural structure. Percy, |
you are pretty well finished, with the |
exception of your roof. The carpenters
left that rather in bad way. They |
left 1t full of hollows and forgot to put
the cupola on. But if you adopt my |
method Of treatment you can do that
yourself. Few men ever had a better
looking head than John Milton. Sit
down and write poem or two like
paradise Lost" and you will have
head as good as his. Don't be disgusted
because it looks so easy. The greatest
things are the simplest.
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