The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1894-03-16

ceptibly when you tell him to "call
again in week." or "let it lay over
till next month" 1t is not the rent
or tax collector / have in view, but
that worst of all cranks, a collector of
old stamps, coins, bric-a-brac and
other relics of antiquity.
Perhaps you know one or more of
them; perhaps you have met the man
to whom "A battered old copper penny
of George the First's reign is a mine
of wealth compared to brand new
ten dollar bill; maybe you know the
fellow who cherishes cancelled post
age stamp from the PHILIPPINE Islands
like an old maid does her yellow pug
dog, or a young mother her first in
FAINT. And possibly you are also ac-
quainted with the long haired and
mildewed enthusiast who visits auc-
tion sales of secondhand rubbish and
bids fabulous prices for featureless
and limbless statuary; who fondles
with affectiOnate reverence Il wig that
was supposed to belong TO Cromwell's
first cousin, or worships the alleged
toenail of some departed saint who
died of La Grippe in the tail end of
the third century.
These men are frequently walking
museums. They carry pocket books
containing several hundred obsolete
stamps from all parts of the world,
for which no sane man would know
ingly give up nickel. They would
sooner lose an entire years cash
receipts than part with their cOllec-
tion. They have also some antiquat-
ed coin or other which cost them $50,
but which would not be accepted any
Uhnrn nnlla tnrDl for n hnir IL n
bowl OF pea soup. Then, if the crank
is of pious turn of mind, or rather,
of a superstitious nature, he is pretty
sure to have surrounded himself with
''relics," such as gruesome looking
bones, pieces of skin or fragments of
'the true cross" There wasn't wood
enough grown in the entire Holy Land
to supply the pieces of the true cross
that have found their way, in recent
years, all over the world and if the
alleged toenails of saints are all au-
thentic those sanctitied people must
have been veritable centipedes. 1t is
said that Minneapolis gentleman
started in the lumber business solely
for the purpose of supplying splinters
from the true cross and he is reported
to be worth fortune at the present
day.
Collecting coins is a very sensible
and laudable occupation, provided
current specie is adhered to, and | re-
spectfully submit that there is more
solid satisfaction to be CLEANED from
the possession of a double eagle than
from owning pot-full of mOuldy Euro
pean coppers that wouldn't buy a
mint julep or pack of cigarettes in
any city in the United States. At the
same time it is just as well that
cranks who are fond of the antiquated
money exist, as it gives us poor NOR
tails chance to enjoy the current coin
of the realm without exciting the en-
Wy of these collectors.
The love Of antiquity observable in
these collectors seems to come to a
sudden stop when they select wife
or sweetheart. A statue thousand
years old they would yenerate, but a
woman over thirty-tive they would
hardly respect for sweethearting pur'
poses.
The age of an engraving or oil paint
ing, If measured by centuries, would
throw one of these cranks into rapture
but he has strange prejudice in ia
ing life partner.
Well, we don't blame him, as We
happen to be similarly afflicted our
selves, but we cannot help thinking
that much of his affection for ancient
coins, obsolete stamps and prehistoric
relics is sadly misplaced. We cannot
! see how the boarding of these reminis
cences Of by-gone ages, at great cos
of money and time, can afford one
: tenth Of the pleasure that is to b'
. found in the jingle Of few u. S. golt
pieces or the rustic of some crisl
American currency. j. 5. u.