The herald., 1894-10-09
A SMART COCKNEY.
He LANDS WITHOUT ANY CAPITAL
BUT GETS AHEAD.
Hs Gives Away tho Secrets OF His Trade
and Explains Row a Good Thing
Should BE Worked for
All 1t viii Yield.

A coterie of choice spirits who make
their headquartera at anng little resort
within hundred miles from the Nsdeeu
had lots of fun last night.
a young EngHshman named Harry
Layton, who ia interested in variety
OF snap Schemes, entertained them
highly with a recital OF his adventures
since he landed in America about 3
moIthe ago. He is fairly good type,
if not altogether representative one, OF
a certain class of Engliahmen, and in no
way allied to certain Of the yonth of this
country who suffer from Anglo-msnia
and attempt TO ape the manners OF their
cousins Rcroes the eea.
The young fellowhe is only about "a
years of sge--is not without humor, and
his fanciful way OF decapitating the
Gspirant tickled the risibilities OF the
loungers while it proclaimed the speaker
TO have been born within tho sound OF
Bow Bells.
"fhere's not the blcomin' money in
the country there was," he pathetically
remarked, "hut all the same" he add
ed, "Caliiornie's coed enough for me-"
Say. fellahs," he suddenly ex-
claimed, rs if inspired by the big gulp Of
iced liquid which he had just taken,
"w0uld you like TO ear 'oW first made
o raise in this country %
Yes, yea ~ came in a chorus, "go
ahead and tell us how you made ont"
well, l tell you, honest, fellaha,
when | landed in Chicago wear and
'alf ago, | only lad good suit OF
clothes on me back and 10 bloomin'
dollars in me pocket. It's so, s'heip me
Bob! | tried one snap alter another,
but | couldn't make my board, and |
finally lit on that refuge for the unfors
tunate, tia book agents lay.
ION, you iellahs may laugh, but it
Yves soft as pie when / got onto the
ropes" the speaker interjected, land
don't you fool yourselves and think
there's no money in selling books."
''When l first applied Tor job bald
'eaded old gent with swivel eye aizsd
me up, and then saws e: You don't
look very smart, young man.
my 'eRrE sank down into my boota,
for thought Pad lost the job sure. 'E
gave me o show anyway, and / didn't do
60 badly for the next few weeks. then
made up my mind I'd be regularly
ordained book agent. Ny accent 'elped
me out, for folks generally took ms to
be bigger fool than looked. | 'ad @
book called The Ladies' Cyclopaaia OF
Fact and Fancy, and 'ow l did work the
old ladies with it
"lt was Glow work though; the talking
took up too much tins, and when /
went on the road with 'Ints to Dyspep-
tics it took all my time uniting up ad-
ddresses from the chemists of 'is pepain
customers and getting onto those who
were wreetliug with boarding 'cuse grub.
They were 'ard to get at, particularly
the men. When a feliah 'as pain
under 'is vest e tries to drown it with
whisky, and If you remind i'm thet %
is suffering from dyspepsia zee Just as
likely 10 jump you as not. l 'ad no
better luck with family Bible, Illus
trsted by Dore. Each purchaser was TO
ave lis coat OF arms engraved on the
cover. One old gent called me "a blasted
Britisher.' and said as 'ow e didn't want
any Engliahman talking to i'm about
crests and such like; it wasn' Hamer.
ican."
II felt bad after that, but one day
another agent asked me 'ow much / was
making. When | told i'm be grinned
and said as low | waa blooming chump.
. E gave me pointers, and from that on |
lived in clover. I ratified the twentiea
and 'ad gay old time. 'Ow did l do
it? That's giving the snsp away, but
pll tell you. If | sold one book l made
a humping commission, but found
could do better. I sent in big orders,
leus my commissions, and then dumped
the whole lot into q book store. The
retail man could afford to sell to the
public at cheap rate, and other can
vasaers got knocked out. The scheme
worked A for about two months, aud
then it bnsted wide open. 'Ow that
'appened is another story, ss that In
dian iellah says; was tho victim OF
the progress OF ideas and inventive
genius"
what am doing now? Well, never
mind. but Pm onto something in the
real estate way that's even better than
rafting book publisher"
Thanks, swfully I'll take it straight
this time, with juat a dash of gum,
please;" adding half apologetically, ''it
'elps one to talk smooth and mellowa
fellah'H voice." and with the remark the
coekney's flow OF words came to an end,