The Wichita daily eagle., 1894-03-20

"By gravy, there are more liars in Kan
sas than any other state in the union,
said Turner Barnett Of Wellington to {
reporter for the EAGLE yesterday.
! Turner, like the prodigal son, was re
turning home either to dine on outlet
| from the fattsd calf or enjoy an introduc
tion to the bald headed end of broom
stick.
Turner is the hero Of a romance which
| he says is lie from beginning to ehd
Admitting all of what he says the story
has been told and it is, as follows. in sub
stance, as related at the time Turner was
supposed to have fallen from grace.
About three months ago Turner welded
the baton of authority as marshal of the
good town of Wellington, or rather be
was the chief-of-staff. aid-de-camp aud
general repository of the confidence OF the
! truly good Mayor Savage. Turner was
Il model of morals and was popular with
all classes. Old women who had
registering hovs would take them By the
ear and hold Turner Barnett and his vir'
| tues up before their imagination and say
IN triumph, look at him, look where he IS
at" ETC. Wives whose hearts were nearly
broken by husbands who would CAD
. around town after schedule lodge hours,
| prayed that their boys might grow up to
| be man like him and walk in his foot
steps, He was hero and If he wanted
any public honors in Wellington since the
| ladies were enfranchised all he had to do
was to ask for it.
One morning Turner dropped into
Mayor Savage's Office and told that kind
gentleman that he desired amoDth's leave
of absence He said that his poor old
mother in Kentucky was getting very old
and inf nd ha Tod IN hefpra
she died. The mayor had mother once
himself and his heart was touched. "Tur-
ner," said he, The city needs you, but you
can go; be a good boy and hurry
back" The next morning Tor-
ner left. The poor immaculate
marshal had not left town more than
forty-eight hours when the tongue of
whispered something in the ear OF
Grandma Strong and then both good
danes shook their heads several times
with measured precision. Mrs. Carpen-
ter walked two blocks through the mud to
tell Mrs. Cooper that she heard that
Turner was not what he ought TO be and
in the evening Mrs. Baker and Mrs. Sad
dler had little back fence interview IN
which the latter blurted out that Turner
had run off with a red-headed woman
named White to the great astonishment
and shock of Mrs. Saddler upon whose
imagination it then and there dawned
that Turner was too handsome man to
escape a romance with woman IN Ii.
But why" said she, did he run away
with red-headed woman" As both Mrs.
Saddler and Mrs. Baker were positive
brunettes this was in,their eyes, naturally,
the most serious part of Turner's crime.
just then Mrs. Pine ran over to tell them
that Mrs. Ash told her that Mrs.
Birch told her that Turner Barnett
was not what he ought TO be and repeated
tha story. All at once Turner
became the hero of the widest romance
that ever happened IN Wellington, and his
escapade was the topic Of every tongue
till the Fannie Hill show was arrested.
When Mayor Savage heard the distant
rumblngs of the gossip he fairly foamed
to think that breath OF suspicion should
be raised against his chief of staff. The
matter, in all its hideousness, rose before
him, however, when he learned that Tur-
ner was not in Kentucky at all. but that
he had gone TO California. Moreover a
conductor tod him that he saw him on the
main line of the Santa Fe going west, aud
that he noticed red haired woman on the
same train. Letters with the great seal of
Wellington were dispatched to California
and at San Diego Turner was located
By coincidence red haired woman was
also located ia that same town. As fur
-
by a dozen men of veracity plowing
lemon orchard with two white horses Thls
settled il: Turner's Office was declared
vacant and Charlie Shawver was appoint
ed in his place.
One day a Mr. White from Abilene,
fairly fell off the train at Wellington and
ran around town like the hcadless horse
man of Sleepy Hollow looking, not for his
own head, but for his wife's head, for he
Cd auarphDAu xrhaf her rhRV had 81
woman with red head. The response
was that she had gone with Il handsomer
man, this remark being always accompan-
led by an inhuman giggle. White told his
story and if it could be given verbatim
with all the flourish and establishment OF
IT'S narration to reporter, 1t would beat
ANYTHING ever attempted by the novelist.
MIR. White had sister and she was living
in the same block in which his abode was
located. This sister was married TO
mouel citizen of the eX-caudld2te for the
state capital She went TO Illinois on a
visit and announced that she would be
back on a certain day. By some peculiar
ity of the sex, they always return sooner
than their husbands anticipate and this
one was no exception. She came in on a
late train at least a week before she ought
to for the future happiness OF herself and
her brother. She went TO her house and
found the door locked and the house en-
yeioped in pail of darkness. She went.
over to her brother and asked him to come
over and help her 20 get in through win
dow. She thought ii would be so nice to
have her husband come home later on ex-
pecting a cheerless bome. and find himself
surprised with a nice ire ard his
darling little wife TO greet him. 1t was
truly pleasant picture CT surprise she
had painted, but it was not real. Mr..
White entered into his sisters designs
with a zest that was charming aud to
make long story short both he and his
sister entered the apparently cherries
house. He struck n match, the noise of
which resounded in the upper story, and
loaded for burglars. He saw his wife aud
her brother and then the machinery of his
brain began active operations. He kissed
his wife on both cheeks, his eyes beamed
with what she considered delight at her
return aud she was then and there for that
moment the happiest wife n ali OF the
Solomon valley The husband took his
good wife's brother out on the porch aud
gave him clever song aud dance. Nou
must help me out OF this scrape. said be.
and I'll do n turn for you sometime. "Ali
right" said Mr.. White You ought not
TO treat nv sister that way, but III help
Won out OF this scrape once for luck. Mr.
White suggested 70 his sister TO come over
TO his house while her husband was max
ing a fire to warm the house. She coa-
sented and as they were going out Mr..
White saw cloak laying on a parlor
chair that looked like his w.fe's The
horrible truth dawned upon him. he
bounded up stairs and here the curtala
must fall