Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-07-19
Let Us All Laugh.

PEOPLE VINO thrust Lnefr private
sosrow upon the world by using
mourning envelopes should be ar
rested for blackmail -Siftings.
Ism it about time to answer that
letter Of Uncle Johns from SqueeD-
teecute Corners that he wrote YOU
last December?- Phila1elphia Call.
THIs marrying of rich American
heiresses by foreign noblemen has a
kind of longing for the dollar of the
daddies in Philadelphia Times.
BUZZ hear they are going to
call his royal nib'ets Gotham, Jr"
Cub-"How's that?" Bub-"Becauser
he's another new York. Boston
Herald.
HUSBAND (very late from the club
Hum! told you not to sit up for
me. Wife (sweetly)-I didn't got
up to see the sun rise. New York
Weekly.
"WE have caught our defaulting
book-keeper, said one merchant to
another. Then he is now spotted
adder" replied the latter.-Pittsburg
Chronicle.
GUIDE-Now, you will have to be-
careful: many tourist has broken
his neck at this spot. Gent ito his
wife)-Augusta, you go flrst.-Spare
Moments
MRS. POWELL have such an in
dulgent husband! Mrs. Cameron
(spitefully)-Yes, so Justin tells me,
but he sometimes INDUCES too much,
doesn't he?-Fun.
TEACHER = Define 'unsophisti-
cated.'" Bright Boy" 'Unsophisti-
Gated means boy wot thinks circus
season raises the price OF lemons. -
Street and Smiths.
JILsoN says he thinks good many
women are demanding the ballot with
the idea that they are going to get
curl-papers at the expense of the
State.--Buffalo Courier.
THE first thing a man does when
he finds that counterfeit dollar has
been passed On him is to study out
something to spend it for Immediate
ly.-Arkansaw Traveller.
EFFIE Ito auntie, who has been
reading aloud stories from the Old
duhUiC, IUS q VCly
nice book, but | think it's more fit
for boys. Pail Mall Gazette.
"How," writes distracted parent
to this office. shall / convince my
daughter that the young man She
goes with is worthless rake?" Have
her marry him. Atchison Globe.
this seems to be genuine case OF
h1Jn ~ cnSpifc ~ rly a6 hn
er, as he hauled in the basket Of
champaign which had foated to shore
from the sinking ship.-Buffalo Cou-
rier.
"WHAT does Welsh rarebit look
like?" "On plate it is symphony
in A gold, but when you are asleep
it is f1ve-eyed elephant with eight
feet, all planted on your chest p
It'd Bits.
TRAMP entering taxjdermist's)-
"Do you stuff all kinds of animals
here?" Taxidermist-" Why, yes -
Tramp-"Well, / wish you would
stuff me with good dinner. "-Har- "
pel's Bazaar. . ..3 .'. ~ !
LITTLE ETHEL-"I wish / had a
new doll" Mamma-"Your old doll
is as good as ever" Little Ethel
"Well, I'm just as good as ever, too,
but the angels gave you new baby"
Good News
1--WE got cold or something in
my 'ead," was what the simple little
chappie said. The summer girl,
with ROBUSTNESS demure, replied.
ooh, it must be cold, I'm sure. -
Boston Journal.
MRS. CAUDLE lin the dead of mighty
John, I'm sure there's burglar at
the front door," Mr.. Caudle sleep
ily)-"That's all right; he can't get
in. You know the latch-key's in my
own et!"-Truth. s
WHAT is the cause of the COM
motion in the house across the way2"
"The son of the old gold-bug that
lives there has swallowed a 1O-cent
silver piece and the old man is nearly
wild about it. Judge.
TIE free and unlimited coinage OF
silver into ice cream and soda water
at the ratio of sixteen girls to one
man seems to be the popular policy
in this town about two hours after
dinner. Washington News
EvELYN-"Do you think Mr.. Blake
could De so base as to propose to ME
for the sake o. my money!" Phyllis
Heaven only knows. 1t is incred-
ible what necessity will sometimes
drive men to do. Brooklyn Life.
WE have noticed that though az
husbands insist it will be all right to-
take friend up to dinner without
letting their wives know in advance,
they grow mighty absent-m minded
when nearing the house. -Atchison
Globe