davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

Rescuer heartily now. old
fellow, YOU are safe on shore at last
1t was pretty close shave Tor you,
but miss is as good as a mile, you
know.
Rescued Man Gust pulled OFT of the
waterl--I don't know about that =
.'Oh. brace up, man. You're all
right"
No; I'm not. Ny wife recently
presented me with twins and didn't
have any voice in naming them. Wife's
mother is staying with rs, and she alb
hors tobacco smoke and is going to
STAY six months; likewise my wife's
father We differ in politics and he
often has fits. during which ! am
elected TO hold him. Her sister is
there. too. She is thirty-seven years
old and stagestruck. and wants me to
perch in the second-story window and
impersonate Juliet. The cellar IS full
Of water and-well. | fell into the
river by accident. but. take it all in
all. guess you'd better fling me back
again and let me drown. Truth.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

Mollusks are not supposed to be
racers. but the razor clam, which
abounds ON the Cape shore, is abou. as
hard 70 catch as a weasel asleep. They
have foot that they project at the
other end of the long narrow shell,
and by means of it can work their way
through the sand with astonishing
rapidity Even if you approach SO
carefully that the jar of your football
doesn't alarm it and if by a quick
movement you seize the projecting
end, you are not likely to pull out the
clam. though you crush the end of the
shell in your fingers The late Prof.
Fuller of the Natural History society,
told a story about these clans shortly
before his death. He was walking on
a beach on the Cape shore in the win
ter. and seeing several razor shells pro-
jecting above the sand, crept forward
carefully. and with the utmost caution
got within reach without alarming
the shy, agile mollusks. Then he
made a quick grab. He didn't get the
clam, neither did the CLANS disappear.
They were all frozen solid.-Portland
tOre.1 Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18
f" WHAT ARE WE HERE FORT"
Web Fianagsn's Own Story of How He
Uttered the Famous Remark

Uttered the Famous Remark.
Flanagan. of Texas is the name
that always brings UP famous ques-
tion-"What are we here for?"
Whether in New York, Chicago or San
Francisco, that name on the hotel
register always brings a crowd Of pvo-
pie to see the man who prigina ted one
of the most famous phrases in Ameri-
can politics. The sentence has gone
into history and become a part of it. Ii
was one of the memorable incidents Of
one of the most memorable conventions
that ever assembled in America, the
Chicago national republican convention
which defeated Grant and nominated
Garfield. Ever since then somebody in
every convention, large or small, has
arisen to ask: What are we hero for?'
Web Flanaga 4, of Henderson, Rusk
county, Texas, is the man who said 1t
first of all To writer for the Calves
ton News the other night Fianagan
told the story of the phrase. This is
the way he told it:
ut was in Chicago In 1880. was a
member from Texas in the national
convention. When the conn iittee on
platform and resolutions reported
Barker, of Massachusetts,, off cred to in
sert plank pledging the Pc rty to civil
service reform. | arose IN my place
and said: 'sAIr. Presider /, Texas has
had quite enough of cisil service re-
form. Out of thirteen hundred offices
in that state one thousand of them are
filled by democrats. We believe that
to the victors belong the spoils. Every
proposition of this sort comes from
states that are threatened with a mug
wump invasion. Sir, the boys in the
trenches are demanding recognition.
Party service entities them to some
thing at the party's hands. They need
the offices and, sir, what are we here
for but for the offices?' Immediately
the delegates and the galleries yelled.
They shouted till they were hoarse,
and it was several minutes before the
chairman was finally able to restore
order. The next day the incident was
in all the papers, and from then till
now It has been travelling around the
earth. have seen it in foreign papers
and have heard it time and again in
national conventions since then. 1t
was simply forcible way had of ex-
pressing myself. ] never had the
slightest idea that my chief claim to
fame should be chance expression in
the confusion of a great national
body"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18
INDUSTRIAL FIGURES.

THE number of idle cotton operatives
in Fall River is placed at 23,220,
ALMOST five-eighths of the steamers
in the world are under the British flag.
THE Texas Live Stock Journal thinks
there are 100000 fewer cattle in that
state than there were at this time two
years ago.
ESTIMATES by the director of the
mint place the gold product of the
world at Sl75, 200. 900. an increase of
$4,000, 900 over the amount stated in
the annual report.
In 1876 the West Virginia oil terri
tory produced 10000 barrels; in 1893 it
produced s,445.412. or total of nearly
10000. 900 barrels since the first well
was bored. About 1900 wells are now
in operation, representing an outlay of
over S13, 200, 600 Manufacturers Rec
ord.
DURING the past five years the pro-
duction of tin in the Dutch East Indies
and the straits settlements has in
creased greatly. The shipments to
Europe and America to the end of Au-
gust, 1894, were 44,lls tons, as against
27.55T tons in 1890. The syndicate
which is trying to corner the market
will have to obtain control of this
source of supply to succeed, as well as
of the visible supply, which was over
10000 tons in August and only 1900
tons a year ago.-Wcstminster Gazette.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18
AN AID TO MILKING.
The CollegIan's Advice to His Father Re
Suits DtsastrousIy.

The CoIlegIan's Advice to His Father Re-
suits DisastrousIy.
A college student in one of our
western states recently returned home
after his course was finished to find
that his father, clergyman with a
small salary, was eking out his living
by running small farm. One of the
adjuncts of the farm was a COW, a
pretty good animal, which, however,
had a strong aversion to being MIXED.
Here was an opportunity for dis
play of the lately acquired knowledge
of the Juvenile collegian.
Father" said he, Prof C. says
if one will place weight upon cows
back it will make her give down the
milk"
The reverend gentleman, favorably
impressed with this information that
his son had learned from Prof C.,
decided to try the simple remedy. In
stead, however, of placing a weight
upon the cows back. the clergyman
placed himself upon it. But then he
answered the purpose. The COW, how
ever. was still obstinate.
Tie my legs under the cow" said
the father to his son.
The son did so. But the COW, un-
used to such unusual and arbitrary
proceedings, manifested her displeas-
ure by rearing and pluuging. entirely
unmindful of the dignity of the per-
sonage astride her spinal column. 1t
was getting altogether too interes ting
for the two bipeds concerned in the
transaction.
''Cut the ropei Cut the rope!" shout
ed Mr.. V to his dutiful son, mean
ing the rope by which he was attached
to the COW.
But the son, being somewhat excited,
cut the rope by which the COW was
fastened TO the stauchion. At once
availing herself of the liberty thus Of
fered, the cow took an unceremonious
exit from the stable, and down the
street she went. The minister accom-
panied the COW, but in a manner not
exactly beftting the dignity of his
profession.
AS it happened, one of the sisters of
the congregation was on the street as
the race was in progress. Surprised at
such sight the good sister cried out:
why, Brother V, where are you
going?"
His sense of the ludicrous coming to
his aid, Brother v shouted back:
1.-The Lord and the cow only know.
don't!''
The clergyman was eventually res
cued from his awkward perch, and
never attempted the feat again.
Voice.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

i don't know that these here scien-
tiic inventions do SO much for the
happiness Of man as they air cracked
up to-" said the farmer-looking man.
setting down his soda water glass
with a sigh.
NO. ventured the drug clerk.
No. t~rinstance, we used to pass
the time away in the g-ocery every
winter arguin' which was the mother
Of the chicken. the hen that laid the
egg or the hen that Matched II Nip
an tuck right along. sometimes one
side gett'n' the best of il an soa.e-
times the other. Then sam Hyer, he
gifts one of them incubatOrs and that
busted the debatin' society. No man
could argue fer a machine bein' a
chickens mother. e course, sn' now
we amt got nothin' TO argue on no
more. Indianapolis Journs
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

zle so characteristic of the Jerseys, to
which they bear somewhat general
Resemblance, being, however, more ro-
bust in build and heavier and larger
animals. They have short and straight
legs, wide thighs and deep quarters,
their general outline showing the milk
breed. The cows have excellent es-
cutcheons, well formed udders and give
large quantities of good milk. They
mature early, and their disposition is
extremely kind and docile. Their
marks are very persistent, circum-
stance which proves the purity of the
breed. The estimation in which the
Brown Swiss cows are held in their
native land is perhaps best shown by
the fact that the Anglo-Swiss Con-
densed Milk company, of Cham, is sup
piled almost entirely with their milk.
IN. Y. World.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

lengths aud sharpened. and the shank
bent so as to bring the tines nearly at
right angles to the handle. In it's new
form it makes a splendid implement
with which to loosen the soil and TO
cut down weeds. Where one tine of
pitchfork is broken off completely the
blacksmith can draw the temper and
weld on new tine of the required
length.-American Gardening.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

their investments, their property and their
occupation have quarreled among them
selves: quarreied, and then compromised.
and upon their own testimony have been
compromised.
Everything but Prosperity.
I'VE have everything we had in 1892
this year but prosperity Applause and
laughter) and that we bartered away for
a change Of administration. We have got
The same money we had in 1892 we have
got the same men, we have got the same
manufacturing plants. We have got the
same splendid skin. enterprise and genius
in our people, but we have got a new man.
agement, and the people of this country
haven't confidence in that management.
tApplause.l And is IT TO be wondered at?
Why they haven't had any experience in
managing the government since before the
war. loud applausel
A Laugh ON Villas.
Senator Villas says in his speech which
[ had lying on the desk. delivered In the
,ity of Madison on the 9th Of September,
hat we never had such prosperity
1aughter) from the beginning of the war
as we had during the first administration
4 President Cleveland Why of course
We had prosperity during the first admin
stration OF President Cleveland. We
ere living under Republican laws and
We had a Republican senate that STOOD in
he pathway Of any proposed change by
Den.ocratic house and Democratic
president He boasts of the splendid sur
olus President Cleveland turned over
70 President Harrison. lie boasts
II the credit of the government
during those four years. Why bless his
SOUL every dollar of il was collected I'M
der laws written by the Republican, party.
Every one Of them. tApplause.( And the
country knew. every business man under
our flag knew, that while the senate re-
NAMED Republican they could not change
Or amend a line Of those laws. (Applause)
All Mr.. Cleveland did during his four years
was to execute Republican law. The
trouble now is there is no Republican SEN
ate, there is no Republican house, and
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18
TO INTEREST AND ENTERTAIN.

THE highest masts of sailing vessels
are from 160 to $50 feet high, and
spread from e0.000 to lo0,ooosquare feet
of canvas.
Is New Mexico have been discovered
ruins of magnificent buildings The wall
surrounding one of them is feet high,
and 935 long. The ruins are of Pueblo
Indian origin
THE average whale is from so to 65
feet in length and IS feet in cireumfer-
enee. The jawbones are 20 to Is feet
long, and tongue has been known to
yield almost ton Of oil
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

Grass or hay fed to cows in milk
cannot return its full manurial value
to the soil, as part is used up in pro-
ducing the milk. There is also loss
when fed to any growing or working
animals, but the manure made from
feeding ton of hay. if worked into
tine soil, may be WORTH more for crop
than If the hay were left to rot on the
surface. The manure. especially the
liquid portions. would act quickly,
wnile the hay would decay slowly and
perhaps in part be blown away upon
other fields or waste places.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

Ma TROrTER-'sI told you that Cholly's at
tentions 70 Emily Brown would never
amount TO anything" Mrs Trotter-'sWell.
YOU were wrong again; they frightened Dick
Faster into proposing at last and Emily has
accepted him. '-Harper's Bazaar.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18


States. confessedIy none. thar II mas ueneriteu
excepting the Sugar trust AMI the Whisky
trust Point me 10 a single fire Ii started m
any furnace of the country. P1int mo 10 a
single workingman 10 whom IL has given EN-.
pioy ment. Point me to single factory If has
started. Has ii advanced anybody's wages
Have you any gufh cheer ne news here i'm MIL
waukeet Better than thu law Of 1907 Why
under that law and for the two years and a
half in hich il was Ia operation everv factory
was running az IT'S full capacity every mine
VAS running Its fun force New Industries we're
huilded up and stimulated Old ones were re-
siyed, aud for those two Years ard 4 half
under the operation OF that law aud down to
the reversal Of its policy by the election Of
1892 there was not a workingman in the
United States who wanted work who could not
get II. tApplausel. Not only that. but he re-
ceived better WAGES on the average than he
had ever received before, Betta aees than ever
had been paid In this or any other country q
the world. How many men In this country to-
day receiving as good wages as they were
In 1922 Answer me, men Of Milwaukee,"
ices: None.
''None. That Is the voice that comes from
every quarter Of this country. How many men
who were employed in 1892 are idle today? -
A voice. -*Ih0uganAS and thousands
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

other pills. Hence, their great popularity
with sufferers from habitual constipation,
piles and their attendant discomfort and
manifold arrangements. The Pellets
are purely vegetable and perfectly harmless
i'll any condition of the system. No care is
required while using them; they do not
interfere with the diet. habits or occupa-
ton and produce no pain, gripping or shock
to the system They act III mild, easy and
natural way and there IS no reaction after
ward. Their help lGsfs.
The Pellets cure biliousness. sick and
bilious headache, dizziness, costiveness, or
constipation sour stomach. loss OF appetite,
coated tongue. indigestion. or dyspepsia,
windy belchings. heartburn, pain and
distress after eating. and kindred derange-
meuts OF the liver, stomach and bowels.
In proof of their superior excellence, il can
be truthfully said. that they are always
adopted as a household remedy after the
first trial. Put up i'll sealed, glass walls,
therefore always fresh and reliable. One
little = Pellet " is a laxative. two are mildly
cathartic. As dinner Pill. +" TO promote
digestion. or TO relieve distress from over
eating take one after dinner. They are
tiny. sugar coated granules; any child will
readily take them.
Accept no substitute that may be recon-
mended TO be Just as good" II may be
better f0r the dealer, because of paying him
a better profit, but he is not the one who
needs help.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18
THE BROKEN PITCHFORK.

How 1t Can BE Transformed Into Useful
Garden Tool
Pitchforks frequently come to grief
with broken tine, in which condition
they are in excellent shape-or will be
after blacksmith has worked few
minutes on them-to serve in the cul-
tivation of the garden. The cut shows
a broken-tined fork, and near it the
same, with all the tines cut to even
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18
The oldest systen, of TeleCraphy

Is that established between the brain and
the nerves, which transmit instantaneously
TO the great organ of sensation and thought
every shock they experience. These electric
shocks are very vivid, painful and disturb
ing when the nerves are weak. Hostetter's
Stomach Bitters strengthens, soothes and
renders the nerves tranquil 1t induces
sleep, sound digestiona and appetite, and con-
quers biliousness, malaria, rheumatism and
kidney trouble.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

Why not largely increase our export
of cheese? Bearing on this question the
Farmers Home has this to say: From
the cheese already manufactured
in different parts of the country it has
produce as good fancy cheeses as any
of the foreign product. Already we
export enormous quantities of our
finest cream cheese to European
markets. and By keeping up the quail
ity this market viii be greatly en-
largedi
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

FoGG-.Pos -ty is a misfortune, not a
crime" Figg-.'I don't know about thai !;
at any rate poverty has been the cause of
much poetry writing" Fogg-ssYou mean
the writing of poetry has been the cause OF
much poverty Boston Transcript
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

PARKER uses a great deal of cologne, il
seems TO me. Awful bad form p said Haw-
kins. 1T would bs in you, +" sa Hicks, ''but
it's family pride with Parker. He comes
of old colognial stock. -Harpers Bazar.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18


a little now and then
in removing Offend
ing matter from the
stomach and bowels
and you thereby
avoid a multitude
of distressing de-
engagements and dis
eases, and will have
less frequent need
of your doctors
service.
OF all known
agents for this pur-
pose, Or. Pierce 5
Pleasant Pellets are
tile be st. Once
used. they are all
WAYS i'm yOT.
Their secondary eff
feet is 10 keep the
bowels pen and
regular. not 10 fur
tlier constipate, as
fs the raaa with
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

"CHoLLY seems changed since his trip
away, doesn't hei' Frances-"Indccd he
does-seems like another girl almost
Chicago Inter Ocean.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

'sTHIs,r said the bachelor as he paid for
sewing on button, lis what is meant by
single tax. - Cleveland Plain Dealer
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

You may safely love all men, but You may
not safety tell all me- so--uuless yo" have
left your purse athome.-Yo Young Men Era.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

DoN'r Neglect Cough, Take Some Hale's
Horey of Horehound and Tar itstaater
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

GARLAND" Stoves and Ranges are no
higher ID price than the worthless limitations.
Ask to see them.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

MAY-"Jack and Carrie were riding on a
tandem bicycle when he proposed 70 her. :"
Edith-'I wonder what she did" May
'sTum bled. Town Topics.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

EVERY young man should be taught that
he cannot win his spurs in a game of poker.
Galveston News.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

HE-"Your friend, I hear, paints faces
beautifully" She-"Only one.n-Syracuse
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18
NATURE

IT is a pity that mirth is not as contagious
as misery Milwaukee Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

country are ready TO vote to-day 70 help elect q
Republican national house Of representatives
which viii s,oR any tsrtaer anu deeper cuts into
II cannot recall any national contest since the
war to which noFe Importance 10 the varied In
.erests OF the American people is attached than
the contest which Is on rs bow. II we elect a
hen after the 4th day OF March next the Demo
cratic president and the Democratic senate viii
De poweriess 20 iufiict any further injury upon
the rights. occupations, wages ami tnvestme
II the American people. The next national house
IF representatives.. II II was Republican. would
Dot Re able 10 bring US hack where were in
is92 but they would only stand there To pre-
rent any further mischief from the hands Of
his Democratic administration u, perehance--
aud would have every woFkingman. every bnsi-
asunrs me WITH their presence here tonight, re
member-that II " accident misfortuae
should fail 70 elest the house Republican. but
elect i Democratic, then tor tive years longer
sr until the conclusion Of Mr.. Eleveland's pres
dental term. that party would have the power
10 carry out their threat 20 wage still further
var upon the industries Of the people. and
therefore here, in this g1eat Industrial city Of
Embellishments upon which the workingmen u
this city depend. | beg yon 70 send to the Ma
tional house somebody who wiz represent your
best interests and vote for your prosperity
tApplaHse.l But, my fellow citizens. they say
81 1Sg&-that il is better than the Tariff iaw OF
1890 which was our law. Better for whatf
A voice: England"
Better Only for England.
Somebody says England. That Is right. And
he wants better testimony than the speech
Of Sir Albert Rowlatt IN introducing Mr. VIII
when he ssid. Mr. wilson may not have real
lied al Of his aspirations touching his bill but
want 10 assure him thHt its effect has been
good upon England daughter Mills have al
ready been Opened IN N aIes ard 10 Yorkshire and
the textile Industries n England have felt the
Better for any American citizen Better for
the American farmer Deter fer ne Amsr,esa
Rs0sisi II atoi AZ iatsEesL ga.tsa
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

Yes thousands and thousands Of them as my
friend answers. the other day IN the city
Of Lincoln. al great Republican demonstr a-
ton, 800 workingmen-br kmakeTs- marching
in a procession hearing this banner: twenty
two millions in 1s92. not ia 1898 or 1881 ;
That tells the story. l in the city OF St
Louis where / spoke week ago last night,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

BisUIPHTDE Of carbon IS death TO the
mole. and n dollars worth viii save
many dollars worth Of destruction
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

No AMOUNT of cultivation can make this
tie bear fruit.-Ram's Horn.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1894-10-18

greatest American presidents. Benjamin
Harrison. Great applause), was by the de-
cree of the American people voted out of
power and a Democratic administration
voted in. So that for nearly nineteen
months the Democratic party had been in
supreme control of every branch of the
Federal government; and for the greater
part of that time it has been engaged in
revising the tariff