The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1894-05-09
Inc communication follows:
BOUND TO PLEASE ALL.
The Latest General Orders From the
East End Roads Headquarters.
'on Commercial Bulletin.

| IREslDENT'S OFFICE.
BOSTON, Saturday, April 21, 1894.
The East End Railway will shortly
adopt few OF the improvements and
| alterations which have been suggested
from time to time by those practical
people who are so much better Informed
as to the needs OF the company than the
managers.
Each car will be furnished in future
with smoking room, barber's shop,
telephone, chiropodist, manicure, boot
black, wine room, restaurant, stock
ticker, variety show, news stand, cigar
shop, theater ticket office, dentist, doctor,
massage operator, photographers studio.
Turkish bath, toilet room, card room.
reading room, billiard table and tenpin
alley.
Every passenger will be given an easy
chair upholstered in satin damask, and
In case there is block on fremont
street sleeping berth. Transfer
tickets will be issued for Alaska, Jer-
sey City, or any other point the trav-
eller may wish to reach. Fare will be re-
duced To three cents, or stwofer fiven
Conductors will receive pennies, Canada
money, postage stamps, plugged quarters
or Confederate notes in payment of fares.
Harvard University and Papanti's Friday
evening class. They will wear Prince
Albert frocks reaching to their heels,
black waistcoats and pearl gray
trousers. AT precisely 8 p. m. they
conductor shouting "Hotel Vandomei
Providence deppo! Move up forrud!
One more seat on the right!v or any of
the other present barbaric war cries, or
addressing female as "lady," will be
compelled to read one Rill Nye's letters
in the Sunday papers for first offence.
and will be electrocuted on the rear plat, |
form for q seconu.
Drivers and motormen will be selected |
from the Country Club. They will we r |
white coats, white hats and a general |
English get-up, and are expected to look |
as much like id fools as possible.
furnished with telescopes and opera
glasses of million magnifying |
power, and will stop for a man
who halls them mile off or around
corner. Passengers who wish to stop the
car are requested to punch the driver or
up two or three fares on the register, and
howl out their destination after they have
got three blocks beyond it.
Cars will stop at the front door of
every man on the route, and carriages
will be sent for those who live off the
quested to bring dogs, market baskets.
{ heir weeks washing, or any other
freight or live stock with them, which |
Will be cheerfully received and transported
free of charge. Conductors will be in
structed to accept without comment any
ne the people may tell about their chill
iren's ages or anything else.
Ladies when arriving at their destina-
ton are requested to take a long fare
we'll OF all their friends in the car, and
Turing the necessary delay the passen-
,ers and conductor will be delighted to
With my last cook, how "Johnny's vac
,ination took" and the details of the
afternoon tea. This will also
insure the business men in the car arriy-
ng down town in murderous stat of |
mind.
The patronage OF drunken men is es-
'ecially solicited. They will be allowed
o sleep, snore, grunt, swear, hiccough.
cent the car with whiskey, frighten
women and children, lurch into other
aSsengers. go through every pocket in |
heir clothes for their fare while the
ar waits, and in other ways add to the
omfort and convenience of the public |
ny young man proclaiming himself a
Harvard student will immediately be |
iven full posse sion of the car, and per )
lission TO laise Cain generally, without :
q or hindrance.
People having large families OF young
hiidren will find pleasant and economi- .
VI playground for their offspring on the =
'acks OF the road, which are also recom- .
lended as pleasant promenade for deaf.
lind and paralytic people. N
The management would call special at J.
ntion to the advantages which the | 8
,mpany offers to blackmaiers. Cheap
oliticians, men with "pulls" or ''infoo- j.
ice" introducing orders or suggestions |
n the company 20 spend n few millions | J,
do impossible things, will be treated
ith at once and paid large sums in N
sh TO hold their tongues. The COM .,
my point with pride TO many of their
who are now enjoying
nple fortunes acquired from this source.
LEMuEL Bro, President.