Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-03-29
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

IN LAWYER $ tFTCE-Senlor Partner
Shall we go out and take something ?'
Junior Partner-'From whom ?''
Vogue.
SPEAKING of capital punishment, it is
generally case of poor execution when
woman undertakes to hang wall-pa-
per.-Bu0dto Courier.
Lucy--"And you're going to marry
that rich old fellow DO you realize
ly, coming the seniorage "'-Pian
Dedler.
"ANp now" said the new secretary,
''yez may all rise, an whin | call the
roll livery wan who is prisnt may sit
down; all the rist remain sthandin'."
-Elmird Gazette.
EMrLoyER-"Whv were you dismissed
from your last place." Servant-"Be-
cause just once | got drunk" En-
ployer-'llow long were you employed
there ~ Servant-"Onc day n'--Ftje-
| gende Blyher.
DUEL Up TO DArE.-'I challenge you
| toa duel" "Accepted." Your choice
OF eapons-dapger or pistols?'
| Neither. Winter ascent of Mont
Blanc-rotten rope-three feet dis
lance. "-Fiieqende BiyHer.
Hicks Gin the graveyard, reading n
tombstone Sacred to the memory Of
Thomas Slendermind. Wicks-"Nes;
isn't it ridiculous? Slendcrmind was
the most torgetful fellow that ever
lived. "-Boston Transcript.
IoUNGrEN--"D you think il will pay
to publish anything about the affair !?
1t is a matter which can concern nobody
but the parties themselves. Oldboy-
THAT'S Just it, It's nobody's business ;
| lao, lx,fI 90 all
! print about it."-B0Ston I'r0nScript.
'BuT, papa" walled the young wom-
an, You can have no idea how he loves
me. He is willing to die for me this
very minute" "Well," said the old
man. scratching his head thoughtfully,
Il don't know as have any objection
to that. | was afraid he wanted to
marry YOU. lid B'is.
THERE is good deal of Quarreliug in
this world, and in Il few weeks we may
look to see the trees come to blows
LoweN Courier.
TIE aggregate copies of American
papers issued in 1880 were 2,077, $50, go.
\ CHANGING committee" at art cNhi-
billions is SO called because it keeps the
artists in suspense lonhcrS Gd;eHc
AsKEM-"l thought that Simpson S
fever had gone Off" Torker-"So it
did, but Simpson went Oft with it,
Vogue.
\ CURL is not considered Il good singer
until she has caused concert to be
postponed because she has cold
ltchjSon Globe.
SuE-'Who is that gruir old man YOU
lust spoke to ," le-"Oh. he has some
thing to do with the civil service"
lonkerS Statesman.
P,ssENGER-"I say, conductor, there's
an old gentleman falling OFF the bus. -
Conductor-''T hat all right; he's paid
his fare. - Peorson'S Weekly.
NELl-"What are you reading?'
Belle-"'A Model Man It's dread
fully stupid" Nell''Yes; they usual
ly are - hiiddeiphia Record.
ACroR-''He can play drunken parts
better than any one in the profession.
Manager-"Y es; but the trouble is he
is too fond of rehearsing. '-lId-B'ts.
! WnEN Il man loses an umbrella it be-
gins to grow on him right away what Il
good umbrella that was and how nicely
the handle was fitted to his hand
!>omerriHe Journal
MIS-. WArrs-"I saw in the paper the
other day that it is impossible for man
to kick with full force when there is
nothing to kick at" Mrs. Potts-"Ill
bet no married woman wrote that. '-ht-
didnapoliS Journal.
NEs, man is the stronger vessel-but
he has to be often bailed out ClGrejd3ad
Plain Ded(er.
Mosr men look out for number one;
most women claim to look out for num-
Der two--at the shoe .--1ttdS Sgt
ings
Miss TR,Il-"I love to hear the birds
sing" Jack Downright (warmly $50
do |. They never attempt piece be-
vond their ability. lid Bits.
II HEAR your son has become an
actor; how is he getting on Very
we'll indeed. He began as corpse,
and now he has already advanced to
the role of Il ghost. y Hiegead Blatter.
Il DECLARED don't know what to do, y
unused Dr. Fizzick. Here's old MIR;
Goutlev kicking about my charges. and
he's too good Il customer to cure. -
Ph,ldddphid Record
SuE-'sWhere did Miss Fosdick get
her lovely golden hair--irom her father
ar her mother" Maude-"She must
nave got it from her father. | notice
his is all gone. "-Brookiyn Life.
Morl,ER-''To think that my little
Ethel should have spoken so lmpertl-
nentlv to papa to-day at dinner She
never hears me talk that way to him. ,
Ethel (stoutlv l-"Well, but you choosed
him, and didn't. Brooklyn Life.
W1SG-"There seems to be more dis
nosition to enforce the excise laws. .
kins-''Yes. In my neighhorhood last
sunday the side doors were SO carefully
watched that the saloon. keepers had to
admit customers by the front door. -
Pick.
..WrI1. Mary, what did you think OF
the pictures at the Academy" oh,
mum, there was a picture there called
Two Dogs. after Landseer, but looked
ut it for nearly half an hour ana
couldn' see no Landseer. spare MO-
| iRcatS.
..REMeMnER, witness" sharply eX-
claimed the attorney for the defense,
You are on oath = There amt no
danger of my furgettin' it, replied the 4,
witness sullenlv. I'm tellln' the truth
",tb;n, whan 7 could have made ~