davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

A Bangor family recently engaged
a cook who was quite an artist with
the kitchen utensils and raw mater
ial at her disposal, although she was
not ON good terms with the cook
books, being unable to read, says
the Commercial. She identified
canned goods, for instance, by the
pictures on the can labels, but once,
at least, this did not work, and the
result was amusing. A can of des-
sicated cocoanut was brought to the
house by the grocery-man, and it
bore the well-known trademark
cut of the monkey dallying with a
cocoanut. When her gaze fell up
on that can she was astounded.--
"Oh, lori she calculated, III have
seen canned corn, canned peaches,
and most everything canned, but
bless me if this amt the first time
lever saw any canned monkey
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

When Edwin Booth, the late act
or, was playing Richard" in Chi
cago, in 1879, q amentally unbalanced
spectator, named Gray, shot at the
actor twice from the gallery. One
OF the bullets Mr.. Booth secured,
and had it set in gold cartridge
upon which he had engraved the
words: "From Mark Gray to Edwin
Booth, April %, 1879" This grim
reminder he ALWAYS preserved.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Old Gentleman-Do you mean to
say that your teachers never thrash
youp
Little Boy-Never. We have
moral suasion at our achool.
Old Gentleman-What's thatp
Little Boy--Oh, we get KEEP in,
and stood up to corners, and locked
out, and locked in, and made to
write one word thousand times
and scowled at, and jawed at, and
that's all.-Good Cheer.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21
An Architectural Defect.

Mrs. Goandsee-What a lovely
new home you have! Il appears
to be perfect in every detail.
Mrs. Hollingswelle-Yes, it is
indeed very nice, and we enjoy its
comforts, but the architect made
one serious blunder.
Mrs. G.-Indeed? What was itp
Mr.. H.-Why, it is not arranged
so the neighbors can see my elegant
new side-board from the street.
Chicago Record.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

The rich old man, with a young
wife, was having a hard time try
ing to make her coincide with his
idea of what her duties were with
reference to himself.
Madam" he exclaimed, after
heated argument, II tell you l shall
mold you to my will"
"That's easy enough" she re-
torted; only make it in my favor,
and Ill attend to the balance"
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21
A Welcome.

Senator Sorgham," said the con-
stituent, we're mighty glad ter see
ye home agin."
THANK you," replied the senator,
his bosom swelling with apprecia-
tion.
"Yes, sir, we're that glad ter see
ye home agin that we're goin ter
do the best we kin ter fix it SOS yell
stay here the rest o yer nat'ral days"
Washington Star.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21
The Meanest Man.

Perhaps the meanest man in all
England has been found. He is
rural clergyman who brought suit
to recover 2 shillings for damages
to his new mown hay caused by
young girl walking on it on her
way to her sisters grave. He did
not persevere in his suit, but he
talks of suing the newspapers who
commented on it.--Boston Tran
script.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21
Sam Johnsing's AT Home"

Sam Johnsing, an Austin colored
man who keeps the sheriff busy
hunting him up, is once more an
inmate of the Travis county bastile.
Jim Webster, chum ofthe accused,
called at the jail to console his friend.
what do you want here?" asked
the jailer in a gruff voice.
IL jess called, sab, ter make in
quiry, sab, if my friend, Mr.. Sam
Johnsing, is ct home, sab ?"-Tex-
as Siftings.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Mrs.. winslow's Soothing Syrup has been used
for over city years By millions Of mothers for their
children while tesshinR, with perfect success Il
soothes the child, softcns the gums. alays all psin
cures wind collie, and is the best remedy for Diar-
rhoea, II viii relieve the peor little sufferer im-
mediately. Sold BY Druggists In every part OF the
world. Twenty-Five cents bottle. Be sure and
ask for MN: winslow's SCOT hing Syrup" and
take no other kind.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

"Why in the world did Jack and
Amy get married?"
"Just for joke, they said"
"And the joke was on whom?"
"On themselves-both of them"
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

A Catholic paper says the arch
bishop Of Cashel, examining a little
boy on the catechism, asked him,
"What is matrimonyp" The little
fellow couldn't recall the words Of
the answer, but, determined not to
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

be beaten, replied: 1.-TWO people
getting married, your grace.
Gould two little boys get married?"
pursued the arch bishop. "Yis, your
grace" "How is thatp" ITO two
little girls, your grace"
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

First Boy-"You're 'fraid to fight,
that's what" mo, | amt; but il
| fight you, my mother'll lick me"
HHow will she find it out, ehP"--
'She'll see the doctor goin' to your
housen
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

"And thin she tried to burn tn
house."
"Begorry, this country is gettin'
so it's not fit to live in at all, at
allw-Puck.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21
HUMOROUS.

Women would be of little use on
board leaking ship; they couldn't
man the pumps.-Lowell Courier.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

"Do you think, dear, that absence
makes the heart grow fonder?"
"Perhaps it does, love" replied
the maiden. "You might remain
away one whole evening and let us
test ."-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Bingo-I think | shall order a
trunk made for my wife to take to
the seaside this summer.
Kibgsley--Why don't you buy
one yeady made? They are just as
good.
Bingo--I am going to use this as
an annex to our cottage.-N. Y,
World.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Teacher-Now, Willie, if you
and your little sister buy ten peach
es and six of them are bad, how
many are left?
Willie-Two.
Teacher-Two?
Willie-Yes'm; me and my little
sister.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

The teacher of a commercial col
lege was hearing the class in bank
ing recite and he called on a pensive
looking fellow from an interior town
"What's the nature of a check, ="
he asked, "that makes it valuablep'
"The signature" responded the
pensive party, and the teacher want
ed to apologize.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Mrs. Wickwire-Did you read
about that man who has been mar
mied for the third time to the wom-
an he has been divorced from twice
already? Mr.. Wickwire-Yes.
Seems to me that man of that sort
ought to take some sort of treat
ment for the habit.-Indianapolis
Journal.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

81 presume you funny men aim
to deal with questions of the hour,
do you not?"
''Oh, yes. | calculate that there
have been written no less than 5000
jokes about the young man who
does not know when it is time for
him to go home"
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

IN
NS' SLNSh' and been very strong
ever since-that was two years aud half ago"
A book of 1853 pages on Woman and Her
Diseases" f" mailed sealed, on receipt of 10
cents in stamps for postage. Address,
WORLDS DIsPENsARY MEDICAL AssocIA.
TON, 663 Main Street, Buffalo, N. Y.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Johnson have been chosen as
arbitrator in the matter of those
labor troubles on the X. Y. & u.
road!
Tompson-Why, you are a stock
holder in that road!
Johnson-That's just it. Every
body wanted disin terested party,
and the stockholders haven't re-
ceived dividend in fifteen years.
Puck
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Papa-Well, Johnny, you went
to church this morning? Johnny
Yes, papa. Papa--How did you
like the sermon? Johnny-The
beginning was good, and the end
was good, but there was to much
middle to it, papa.-Boston Com
mercial.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Father-George, what time did
you get in last night?
Son-A little after midnight.
Father-Where were youP
Son (guilelessly)-I attended a
bowling party.
Father-Well, George, when you
attend another, do the bowling in
the alley and not down your throat.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

Teacher-Give an example Of the
truth of the motto, UNITED we
stand, divided we fall"
Johnny-I-I can't think of any,
maam / don't believe it's true
anyhow.
Teacher-What? Do you know
any case in which it is not true?
Johnny-Yes'm. A stepladder.
Chicago Tribune,
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

"What are you doing, Freddie?"
said the painfully smart boys uncle.
DRAWN pictures on my slate"
"What is this supposed to repre-
sent?"
"A locomotive"
But why don't you draw the
cars?"
"Why-er-the locomotive draws
the cars"
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21
LEAVES ITS MARK

OF Elm Cre<k, Bu6dLo Co.,
Msb., writes: IT enjoy
good health thanks to
DR.. Pierce's Favorite Pre-.
scription and Golden
Medical Discovery I
was under doctors care
for two years with womb
disease, and gradually
. wasting In strength al
othe time. I was so weak
gthat I could sit up In bed
| only a few moments, for
two years. ! commenced
taking DR.. Pierce's Fs-
vorite Prescription aud
his Golden Medical Dis.
covery,' and by the time
Z I had taken one-haif dor.
en- bottles I was up and
= going wherever I pleased,
and have had good health
and hHHn VHfU afT0s1 ~
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1894-11-21

"Do you mean to tell me" said
the soulful young woman, that you
have never met the woman whose
presence and touch thrilled youl
whole being in an utterly indescrib.
able manner?"
"Only once" said the weary young
man. ut was when | was in the
hands of woman dentist. ."-lndi.
annapolis Journal.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15
Invest AT WEISER, idaho.
Lands
Hudrsdof Fmmsl o

Wh CS tern M
rd f ha%J
% raising mnng e i
county, y m h anal
% court $NMI
@ m liver
st
t f r what k nj rem
o thu
@m
is and h@hnu eC,am bINs ple II a los al rah
noun s supplied wi ii ulmt rtyo r o, ~ an p III nd unrem
I'M % ira OF h N ale
Ia zee pnj from a tt TIN Seven Devils and g w peel for aprlnrm
g i will twill pat h n popn vi yof Middle
n q Ie he finest nimo EXTENSIVE in
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15
Middle Valley.
more.

Frank Fletcher and wife have re-
, turned after spending the winter at
Boise with their son.
Thomas Powell is quite sick. DIR
Hunt was called to see him Saturday
Quite number are out of hay
Most of the stock wintered well and
some have been taken. to the hills
already.
People here think that ground hog
knew his business after all; String
is so long delayed and March being
so far the worst month of the season
1t showed nearly all day Friday.
all the forenoon on Sunday, until
noon Monday and rained very hard
on Tuesday evening. Snow is still
about II inches deep, with a little
bare ground on steep hill sides
Plenty of water and the river raising
Mrs. Kilborn is slightly improved
Spring birds are beginning to APP
pear
Farmers are commencing to DIG
their plows out of the snow.
Our postmaster is watching for
fish. He thought he saw socker
yesterday.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15
w. s. BRUCE, Sec. and Treas

Under authority of an order of sale
granted by the Probate Court of WASH
ington county, state of Idaho, dated Jan
uary 24th 1891 will sell at private sale
separately, the following parcels of real
estate belonging 20 the estate of ID. P.
Maryatt, Jr., deceased, or SO much thereof
as may be necessary to pay the debts OK
penses and charges of administration of
said estate:
1. Lots and 8, block 10, Watkins Sec
ond addition to Weiser with house and
other Improvements.
3 The ne of sw !, the Sc I of NV !.
and lots ! and in section s, tip. 10 II, range
. W, containing 1872 acres, with small
house and one-half mile wire fence.
3. An undivided 40 of The sw of ne
/, the W of Sc ! and the Sc / of sw of
section y the NV of ne and lots ,. 3
and of section II, TIP. 10 n, range ) W,
amounting to about an undivided 81 acres.
The sale will be made on or after March
2lth. 1894, and bids will be received al
the office of 7 p. Maryatt in Weiser,
Idaho, or by myself; or bids may be filed
in the Office of the clerk of said Probate
court.
Terms of sale: At least one-fourth of
the amount to be paid at the time of sale:
the balance, if any, to be secured by
mortgage on the property at 10 per cent
interest for time not to exceed one year
u DAVID GORRIE, Administrator.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15
ALFRED EOFF, President.
resi- w S Sea
-'A
WeiSer Land and Improvement Co.

The suit will come off Tuesday, the
18th, and promises to be an inter
esting affair.
Reavis brought a large stock of
goods for Messrs. Denney & Swan
stom which, after being unpacked and
placed in position, looks elegant and
sets the store off fine.
From Frank Adams Il. S. weather
signal for this place we learn that 81 !
inches of snow has fallen up to Thurs
day night, the Sth inst
School closes in this district next
Friday afternoon after one of the
most successful terms of six months
we have ever had. The scholars will
hold an exhibition in the evening.
after which there will be a dance and
basket supper. We all feel that the
school has been so successful that we
would be willing to give most any
price to have it continue until June 30.
Sunday school is progressing finely.
Since Mrs. Mitchell has left rs we
do not see as much rustic evenings
towards the church.
Rev. d. Y. Monroe was over from
Crane last Saturday.
j. NJ Canary was in town Sunday
He SAID his sister, Mrs. Kilburn, was
doing nicely.
Considerable business is beinp
transacted over the telephone. The
schedule of prices gotten up by the
board and mailed to the several Sta
tons are very nice and business like
r. H. Martin has sold lots of grain
and has great deal more to sell for
seed.
VIM. Allison bought 20 tons of
nay of R. H. Martin last week and if
lhe winter hold out will have to buy
more. q
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15
THE WEISER SIGNAL.
THURSDAY, MARCH 10, 1894.
POLITICAL WARTS.

The Congressional reports now
days present some very curious and
very unusal features. But the most
remarkable is the number of members
listed as not voting, on the two most
prominent questions of the day, and
of real vital Importance, the Hawiian
treaty, and the Bland silver bill.
Those voting for, and those voting
against, and those not voting at all
ale quite equally divided. Now, in
our humble opinion, member Of
congress who refuses to express his
opinion by voting assumes that he
is either ignorant of the matters at
issue or he hopes by that means to
in some manner interfere his inert
and useless influence to block the way
for those who are trying for definite
results one way or the other; they are
HCfieiS'i ''oi p'1 itibbCl uStlul VI OTIlu-
mental. The country at large is deathly
sick of this political fiddling while
the vital interests of the country are
in so desperate condition as to be
almost beyond the hope of recovery.
The action of the democrats regarding
the Hawaiian treaty, and of the re-
publicans on the Bland Bill show
very clearly that party interests are of
first consideration and the welfare of
the people only an item that may be
considered by one party or the other
as political expedisncy may suggest
An American Cromwell may be the
link in American political
evolution yet.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15
MIN ERAI.

Pursuant to call a number of
Minerals citizens assembled at the
schoolhouse on the LIST inst. No one
seemed to know what was wanted
MIR. Louis Noble was chosen chair.
man. who stated that if nobody knew
what they had come together for, it
would be well to organize a club for
mutual improvement and local regu-
lation.
A oystander was delegated to draft
a brief set of bylaws to govern the
club and give it a name. In a very
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15
GEOLOGICAL SURVEY.

Uncle Sam has very large and I'M
known domain in this state of Idaho,
and strong suspicious exist in the
minds of many that some Of its obscure
localities contain mineral deposits
of immense value. They are supposed
to consist of such trihing commodities
as Gold, Silver, Lead, Iron, Coal,
Asbestos, Gypsum, Phosphates, etc. g,
and the scientific demonstration of
their existence and location would.
30 say the least, do the state no harm.
Our worthy representatives in Con-
gress ought to have struck our Uncle
for an appropriation say that S35, =
600 appropriated for raising the
old Kearsarge, the honored old ship
that only met her natural fate; and
the raising Of her Is on the same prin-
clple as cannonizing saint. 1t costs
more than it comes to, no one being
'ensibly benefited thereby, and the
money would do more good for IL less
sentimental purpose "a geological
survey of Idaho, for instance.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15

now for explanation We then
taxed our eloquence to its full capac
ity, stating to the committee (all
married women that we, in our com
munication, said the girls were "neat
and pretty but the words neat and
pretty for some cause were left out
OF the paper. This statement did not
seem satisfactory. We then did our
best to excuse the SIGNAL on the
ground that it might be possible the
SIGNAL man was bound or under OBJ
legations never to say there was a
good looking or pretty girl outside of
the prescribed limits of Weiser One
OF the committee then said: awe
know the editor of the SIGNAL and
you must not lay such a charge to
him behind his back. We then
suggested that perhaps the typo was
bachelor, a young lady or an old
maid, and in either event the two
words might be left out or forgotten.
None of the above excuses were ac-
cepted and we were given one week
TO make satisfactory explanation or
take the consequences. We will be
very anxiously looking for the SIGNAL
next Saturday, and if the editor will
help us out this time we will guaran-
tee to never again be caught deciding
on the merits or beauty of young or
old ladies'. MEMoRA
The exact words of your communica-
tlon were, "As they whirled about the
hall with perfect grace and enhancing
poetry OF motion. the sweet creatures were
as irreslstlbly neat and pretty as they were
lnseparable all the evening The ladies
are Wonderfully well acquainted with the
SIGNAL mans disposition and we are glad
TO see them stand up for us. Not having
read the copy, the proof reader did moi
discern that anything had been omitted.
we have wreaked Il fearful vengeance on
the Typo who perpetrated the deed, but for
the sake of humanity we refrain from
exposing the motive that led him into the
error But remember, NJ, that it is al
ways safest and decidedly more pleasant,
TO praise beauty in beauty's own ear and
IN some secluded place if possible. Pub
llcly expressed admiration is pretty GER
tam to lead to embarrassing entangle-
ments.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15

The weather is mild but still snow
ing. Hicks is all right. He said !:
"Do not be misled by uniformed
critics, but feed well and protect your
stock. Many here have said the
weather prophet is good guesser and
that is all you can say; but | think
few can be found who believe his
prophesics are founded upon a genu
Inc mathematical basis. In most
cases regarding the weather this win
ter he could not have made better
prophesies if he had waited and pro-
claimed them upon each event
Many are out of hay and most all
will be soon. 1t is to be hoped by all
that the ground will soon be bare or
the cattle and horses of the upper
country will be starving for feed.
The snow has blockaded the trail
to Ruthburg so the mail has great
difficulty in making its regular trips.
Stockmen say that horses wintering
over and about Crane creek look bet
ter than stock fed here.
John 0. Peters was in Salubria on
business last Thursday, returning
Friday. He Is about cured of rheu- |
matism.
G. r. White and wife arrived on
the west-bound stage Thursday and /
remained over until Friday, taking
the stage for Weiser.
j. A. Richardson, the Indian val
ley and Meadows mail contractor. was
paying off some debts and mail car !
riers one day last week. He had a
5000 check Wilson Bros. handled
the same.
Our old friend and county treas
urer, d. j. Richardson, came up from
Weser last Wednesday with Herman
Haas. Uncle Dave has been enjoy
ing his trip elegantly, playing solo (his
favortie game) and visiting old time
friends. He is the same old populist
rs ever, but does not talk much of
political twaddle, except very slyly.
Mail Inspector Wayland passed
through to Indian valley Thursday,
'eturning Friday morning. He was
IN business with j. A. Richardson,
nail contractor
Levi Allen returned safely from
5oise city. Mr.. Allen says times
eem very dull all along the line, and
Expresses but very little hopes of the
abroad developing, as expected, from
'ayette northward.
Andrew Adams and wife returned ,
rom the Mid Winter Fair looking fat
nd saucy. candy" says the fair is
lore on paper than anything else.
t seems the owners of exhibits are
fact, too much soto
ell to everyone looking at the sights.
John Andrews replevined some
took from l.. p Agnew last Friday
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-03-15


There is doubtless such thing as
excessive promptness in emergencies
Presence of mind and determination
are admirable qualities in themselves.
but it sometimes happens that de-
clsion made upon the spur of the
moment Is regretted upon more
liberal survey of the field. This re-
morse seems to have overtaken. lately
worthy Dutchman of Anoka county.
Minnesota. The Dutchman was
seeking to reach II town some distance
from Sank Center, and to accomplish
this he must drive over the prairie
from the latter town. He was unac-
customed to the road and night over
took him with his vehicle fast in n
slough and no town in sight. He
sought the solitary farm house visable
and asked permission to stay till
morning, the farmer telling the tray
eler, however, that it would be neces-
sary for him to sleep with the children
or with the farmer himself, as their
Accommodations were limited. Quick
as lightning the Dutchman expressed
his resolution not to sleep with the
"bodderation shiltern, so he slept
with the farmer. The rest of the
story may be given in his own Ian
guage; "Vell, IL der mornin' when
come NIT the sthairs down, | see
two girls about seventeen and nine
teen years old, und | ask der old man;
who was DEM? und he say, Dem
vas my shiltern. say, Vas dem all
der shiltern you vas got?' und he say,
Dem vas mine only shiltern. ind
say to myself, 'Py shiminyl Ish dot
sol Elk.