The evening herald. [volume] (Shenandoah, Pa.) 1891-1966, 1894-04-27
A VISIT TO THE DENTIST.
It1 Great Fun II You Only Take 1t In tn
Right Spirit.

It1 Great Fun II You Only Take 1t In the
Right Spirit.
It's great fun to 20 to ones dentist In
the first place, one is always too late or tod
early, for it is absolutely without the pale
of human possibility to be on hand prompt
ly on such an occasion.
If one be early, the wielder Of the forceps
glares with i'll concealed intimation that
you are an intruder II you be late, you
are informed with subtle, chilly politeness
that the lost time will be included in the
bill. And the bill Ye merciful powers,
the bill! OF course it is courteously with
held till the entire work is finished, but it
bangles over your head till you never, even
in the worst attacks Of nightmare, dared
think Of so haunting n sword Of Dumocles
But to return. The vuHir, to begin WITH
as it is wound up, raises in your trembling
soul all sorts Of memories of torture ma
chimes. The immaculate towel next pinned
deity under your chin goes far to dissent
nate what little courage you may have left
in the remote ends Of your anatomy, and
when your head Is finally tilted back at an
impossible angle, and the dentist begins
picking over the tray Of gouges, saws, files,
screws, skewers and chisels, you give one
frantic gasp Of terror, relax your tensely
drawn muscles and make an unconditional
surrender.
The operator smiles blandly, picks up
cold steel punch as though it were n fairy g
wand and proceeds to search for the sus-
pected cavity He succeeds. He doesn't
leave the least doubt of it.
The assistant is a fixture in all dentists
offices. She invariably eats onions, as youll
no doubt learn after she has bent over you
in tender sympathy for 10 minutes, and her
hands she frequently thrusts into your
mouth, in addition to all the doctors I'm
gers and several heavy Instruments The
assistant has also acquired that ghastly re-
assuring smile of her employer, which
shows itself more and more broadly as the
cause for grinning grows more and more
remote.
Another objectionable trait of the festive
dentist is his proucuess to pun, and his
stock in trade is used hour after hour, day
after day, year after year, with the same
unvarying smile, to give it the semblauce
of freshness. When one comes to mediate
upon it, there is something almost admira-
BILE in the heroic way in which the operator
endeavors TO entertain each patient in turn
with the selfsame jokes. He never fails to
clap both hands, six files and a rubber dam,
the latter words being conveniently reversi-
bic, into ones mouth, too, just when he has
perpetrated his strongest pun, so that the
poor patient can only squirm and glare in
reply, A deaf and dumb dentist, one war
ranted TO confne his attempts at torture to
muscular eNerciOn alone, would soon be so
popular that his success would be equuled
| only by that of the tonsorial artist afflicted
| In the same manner.
After a couple of hours of filing, till ev.
cry molar canine and incisor feels very
sharp, and one side of your mouth is a full
inch nearer your ear than It ought TO be,
and your hair is on end, and your collar is
under your ear, you are finally released, but
only with the comforting remark, "All
your teeth need immediate attention"
You ransack what is left of your brain To
recall how many teeth the physiology used
to state were in your possession, and you
waver out and down TO the street with
ideas of making your will before you set IN
on the whole 81, while the bland young
man up stairs casts Il sicllly smile of con.
! graduation toward his sympathetic assist
ant as she ushers in the next victim. Chi
| cago Record.