The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1894-09-19
TOO MUCH COLONEL
North Dakota L. Being Overrua
with Them.
Llke the Festive 0rssshoppsr. rhsy Aalp
ttply and SWARM Over -
Srase-N0 Prtvatss Are
Among Then

Colonies are getting to b nearly a.
great nuisance ~ the Russian cactus.
says the Fargo Argus. They are null
tiplying and increasing with Ssnser
Gus rapidity. You can scarcely sArow
a stone at dog without running tho
risk of accidentally hitting . ccicnel.
Colonels in multi, which may be eros4a
cloth or corduroy, in stable ;-ocss On
barlzeepers' aprons, taking orders fcs
books or rubber stamps or selling pas
ent medicines or plasters, are as co-,-
mon as straight whisky IN Kentucky
or as new theories of government IN q
populist mass-meeting. Il was once
proposed to raise regiment composed
entirely of colonies. The troubles now
adays would be not to get the re gimert
but TO select from enough applicants for
an army corps. Fargo alone could prob
ably furnish more colonies than there
are in the active list of the army-ana
some of Fargo's colonies are men whe
really have served in the army. which
distinguishes them from the colonel
OF most communities The captain
the ledge" and the major" are NOT
TO be mentioned in the same day with
the colonies. These old relics Of south-
ern barrooms are vastly IN the minor
ity, and the day of the colonies Is Of
hand
Like the lilies of Egypt they throng.
like the grasshoppers of Missouri they
congregate. From every station liz
life, from every profession. of every
age and condition, there are colonels
to the right and left. colonels ad lib
ituIn and ad nauseam. From whence
this great aggregation of colonelis,ic
talent? Where have been bred the
eagles that have swooped down and
roasted upon all these shoulders? Somo
of them were infants in arms when the
late war closed, some of them were
manipulators of hotel registers and
concocters % the Initiating cocktail
while the war ragged, and some have
been tenders of equestrian steeds since
they have been high enough to reach o
'colonel?"
Faithful and persistent inquiry
among the colonies themselves throws
little light upon the subject Some
cannot claim anything better than
that their wives people kept hotel
where the soldiers boarded. They do
not claim. even, that they themselves
kept the hotels There would seem 70
be a shadow Of reason why the ma
jestic creature, In a clean s:arched
shirt and Alaskan diamond pin, look
ing complaoently to heaven rs he
balances toothpick with his lips and
thrusts penholder at q guest, should
be called by high-sounding military
title, but TO dub man colonel only be.
cause his father-in-law's brother KEEP,
a clearinghouse seems to be strain
ing a point. Another colonel, when
asked as to his command, hemmed
little, put on a frown. supposed To be
fierce. pulled his shirt collar li.tis
higher, and replied that no had for
gotten the number OF his regiment
1T was so long ago. you know, and !
have always had a bad head for fig
ures." Another explained that hav.
ing formed partnership with . major,
who was junior In concern. 10 be-
cdinc HSCtsoAfS y, as hAaSSsf % uisSf
pline to the help, that he should rank
his partner. The fact remains, how.
ever. that the colonies are ovcrrunning
the earth and consuming the substances
thereof. Privates are as scarce "a the
teeth of hens. Most unmilitary people
think that corporal is the higher off,
Ger. and whoever hears OF a sergeant
There is a general impression abroad
that colonel has something to do
with horses something between far
rier and veterinary surgeon-snd the
real colonies, the few who really born
Uncle Sans commission az such, are
without honor in the country where
mock colonels constitute q ma jority Of
the male population over the age Of
twenty.