Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-05-31

mum, Mrs. Smart, mum, at the other
end of town, said as how, II would
apply to you, mum, you would be
sure to give me q good meal, mum.
Mrs. Easy-And why didn't Mrs.
Smart give you the good mealf
Tattered Tommy-She said as how,
mum, that you was so much quicker
than she to recognize true worth,
mum.-[Judge.
sIsTERLY SARCASM.
Have you sistahap said Willie
Washington. - oyw dr. fvY
"No," replied his friend.
"Then you cannot wealize what 1t
is to be utterahly Inundated. Twas
telling my sistah lasht night about o
young woman sometimes call upon.
/ wemahked that she made me feel
like fool" ~ NJ {. " ~"
"And what did your sister say?"
"She said 1 was too self-conscious."
Washington Star.
NOT TO BE oUrDoNE.
May" said her husband, as they
prepared to 60 out calling, do you
really mean to use those calling
cards with your name spelled Mae
Kathryne Alys Smith ?"
II certainly do" replied May
Catharine Alice Smith.
Every well, them" said her hus-
band, firmly. II am with you,
and he presented her with a card
neatly inscribed: ''Jorje Phrederyc
Albyrt Smith. "-[Chicago Record.
A MATTER OF UTILITY.
"Riches have win gs,' said the
prudent man.
"Of course they have" replied
his improvident friend. That's
why they're so useful in helping a
man to fly high"
A PITIFUL POSITION.
Miss Goodgirl--What are you think
ing of so intently?
Young Gayboy-Well, il you must
know, l was thinking what the re-
suit would be, if 1 should suddenly
grab you and kiss you.
Miss Goodgirl-Oh, Mr.. Gayboy,
how terrible for you to have such
thoughts, when my brother and
father are both out, my mother sick
in bed upstairs, and no one in the
world who could possibly come to
my assistance !-[Philadelphia Life.
ONLY ONE TO LOSE.
Young Medical Practitioners can
truthfully say that l never lost but
one patient.
DR.. Longyeers (grimly) - What
have you been doing for living since
he died?-[Chicago News Record.
THOUGHTFUL.
Young Wife-My dear, there is q
gentleman waiting in the other room.
He wants to speak to you.
He-Do you know him?
She-You must forgive me, darling,
but of late you have been troubled
with cough, besides you take SC
little care of yourself and-Oh! II
you only knew how anxious l am
about you. Suppose / were to lose
YOU, love-" (She bursts into sob.
bing and throws herself on his
breast)
He-Come, my dear, silly child,
do be calm. People don't die of
slight cold. Still, if it will pacify
you, show the doctor in. Who is iii
DIR. Pallot, eh?
She-It isn't doctor, dear. 1t IL
it is--it is life insurance agent
I]Philadelphia Life.
WHAT HE WANTS.
would not live Away;
/ ask not to stay.
But still If Pm not
Too much in the way
I'd Just as lief watch
A few centuries melt,
To realize just
How Methuselah felt.
HAPPY FATHER.
Said an exasperated Texas father
at the dinner table: t,
"You children turn up your noses
at everything on the table. When
was a boy was glad to get enough
dry bread to eat"
Il say, pa, you are having much
better time of it now you are living
with us, amt your" remarked Tom
my.-[Texas Siftings.
GENEROUS MAN.
First Businessman-I understand
old Gripem left lot of money. Di'
he leave any of it for charitable pur
poses?
Second Businessman-Yes; left j
all to his children. They are al
grown men.
First Businessman-But how i
that charity?
Second Businessman-Keeps some
one else from taking care of them.
The cobra's Poison.
| ,~,,1,var;1aI nnhra r,nicn,