The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1894-09-13
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The man who is not a friend will
never have one.-Ram's Horn.
Don't forget, then, Ann, that your
master is colonel" 20. adore sol
diers. ma am "--Tit-Bit
Curious. Uncle Treetop-"There
is about the best laying hen I've got"
Miss Bleecl5er-'' How many eggs does
she lay for a quarter?"-Puck.
acknowledgements of the law ex-
cuses no one" Prisoner Humphl
Den de jury's dead sure to find my law
yer guilty. Buffalo Courier.
"A Probability. -He-''Do you sup
pose women wonld be any better if
they had the right to vote?" She
"Probably not, but men would. De
toit Free Press
1t is supposed that the fashion
among women of reading the final
pages of novel first is due to their
prediction for the last word. Boston
Transcript.
A bit of conversation overheard in
the conservatory at an evening party:
-She-"Do you admire black eyes or
blue?" He-"The light is so dim here
| really can't ay."-DemOrest's.
A six-year-old was seated in a bar
ber's chair. ''Well, my little msu, said
the barber, ''how would you like your
hair cut?" 80, like papa's, with lit
tie round hole at the top. "-Tit-Bits
Mr.. Sculptor-''Is the last bust of
your husband finished yet?" Mrs.
Jaggs-"Well, hope so. | found his
hat on the gas jet, shoes in the brush
tray. and him under the folding bed
Inter Ocean.
More Astonishing Still.-Kennard
ION a first glimpse of the sea)-"Aston-
ishing. Who would have thought there
could be as much water as that?"
Undcrhill-'True, and remember, you
only see what's on top. Truth.
In a crowded street car an elderly
woman offers her seat to a still older
woman who has just entered. The lat
ter eXclaims, sneeringly: 20, you
needn't get up, Compared with you,
am still young!"-Fliegende Batter
My sympathies," said the etfer-
vescing young woman, are altogether
with the dear Japanese" 80 are our
hired girls" responded the matron.
''She believes that all China should be
etcrnally smashed. "-Indianapolis Jour
nal.
-Figg-"Did you ever think Of it?
1t is d curious expression, seeking q
womanS hand in marriage. As though
the hand We're everything" Fogg-
$50 it IS If you get the hand you get
the money. That's where a woman
carries it. boston Transcript.
Heels that your dog hear howl
ing SOP" Shelves. Poor Hero is 50
devoted to me he guards me all the
time and won't even let papa put his arm
around me-" IIe-"Faithful creature,
| can't bear the thought of his being
chained on my account. Vogue.
A local band was one day playing
at Dumferline when an old weaver
came up and asked the bandmaster
what that was they We're playi ng.
That is The Death of Nelson, " SOL
EMMY replied the bandmaster. "Ay,
man, remarked the weaver. I'VE haze
glen him an awful death Dundee
News.
why don't you 90 to work?" asked
the woman who came to the door in re-
Spouse to Meandering Mikes knock.
Madam, was the reply, 81 do work.
I came all the way from town here.
An how did do it? Walked. Lifted
up one foot an set it down an then
done the same with the other, an re
peated this operation over and over
agin." Dear me-" exclaimed the wo-
man, catching her breath, ''Thet's the
trouble with mankind. Fellow Great
ures is too much misunderstood. Eff |
hedn't stopped ter enlighten yer mind
| don't doubt ye'd hev gone ter yer
dyin' moment 'maginin' ther guv'ment
furnished us fellers with free bicycles"
Washington Star.