Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-19
I SMELL SMOKE.

and has o most reprehensible habit Of
smoking In bed, but Mira Snoodle,
though she allows him 10 smoke any
whore else. very properly forbids him 10
indulge In such dangerous practioa
However, as Hrk snoodls Ia remark
ably sound sleeper Mr.. 6noodle frequent
ly manages to enjoy few stolen whiffA
One night when In bed Mr.. Enoodls
had an irresistible desire for pipe,
which he In vain endcavored 10 combat
His wife was fast asleep, 90 he cautious
ly stretched out bis hand for his pipe,
which lay ON little table by the bed
side. Then with equal caution he filled
IT. lighted up and was putting away
with intense relish when Mira Snoodle
turned over and gave two or three
snorts.
IT believe she's going to wake up"
thought Mr.. Snoodle and hastily took
his pipe from his mouth and placed IL
on the table
Mrs Snoodle gave few more snorts
and woke up. Then she gave series a
shifts, and Mr.. Snoodle trembled, for
the room was pregnant with tobacco
smoke.
"John, are you smokingr' asked his
wife sternly.
Certainly not my dear. Whatever
makes you think so?'' he innocently In
quired
because can smell tobacco, " she
replied ''Phew, how strong iti Isl Don't
you smell 1t, Johnr''
''Can't say I do. Martha I've got
bit Of cold"
"Open your eyes, man, and then you
will, I" snapped Mrs Snoodle.
IT don't smell with my eyes" gig
gled Mr.. Snoodle.
"What I mean Is wake up properly
and sniff hard. Now, can't you smell
it?" ''.''
"Well-eT-I think there is faint
odor Of tobacco, - admitted the culprit
"Think-faint odorl Why, the place
reeks with It'll I tell you what 1t is
John, there's somebody smoking in the
house." declared his wife.
"Doyou think Jane indulges In pipe
on the sly?" suggested Mr.. Snoodle.
'Nonsensep'
"Well, my dear, the only other living
thing in the house is the cat, and I
never heard Of cats smoking"
''Don't talk rubbish, John les seri-
ous matter. It's my firm belief there's q
burglar smoking In the house" And
Mrs Snoodle shivered.
"Ah, very likely" replied Mr. Snoo-
die, thankful for his lucky escape and
preparing to go to sleep again.
"John, are you going to sleep and let
the house be ransacked?' asked his wife
Indignantly.
Certainly not my dear. :"
''Then why don't you go down stairs
and catch the burglarp''
Mr.. Snoodle very reluctantly got out
Of the warm bed into the cold air, sleep
lily lighted candle and moved toward
the door.
"Aren't you going 10 take some
weapon Of defense?' asked his wife.
"Do you want 20 be killed. Inever saw
such a mani"
| Mr.. Snoodle rather sulkily seized the
poker and muttered that EFF he found q
burglar he'd make 1t smoking hot for
him"
| He had got half way down stairs and
was thinking Of anything but burglars
when he suddenly saw man dart out
Of the dining room and bolt down the
kitchen stairs. Mr.. Snoodle's first Inn
pulse was instant fight for he was an
arrant coward, but he was SO astounded
and petrified with fear that he was ut
terly unable to either move or speak
He simply stood still, holding the candle
nearly upside down, with his mouth
wide open. Then he heard the back door
bang and knew that the burglar was
| gone, SO thought it was about time for
action and to earn little cheap glory.
/ So he roared out: ''You villainsl I'll
murder you'll I'll scalp you as clean as a
whistlel" and rushed down stairs. He
had never before felt SO heroic In his
life He bounded into the dining room
and fought fercely with the furniture,
| especially the fender, as he could bang
into that without injuring 1t much un-
til he was quite exhausted.
/ "John, John, come up stairsP'
screamed Mrs. Snoodle. you'll be
Hlledl'
"It's all right, MarthaI' shouted
back Mr.. Snoodle.
"Have you got the rascals safely
bound then?"
"No, they've got away. But I've
nearly killed 'eml"
''Thank heavenl Come up stairs ant
let me dress your wounds, DEAR" sale
Mrs. Snoodle solicitously.
Mr.. Snoodle, after securing the bacl
door, which the servant had omitted tt
lock, and undoing the bundle of platt
that the burglar had left behind in hi
hurry to escape, went up stairs.
"Oh, john" exclaimed Mrs. Snoodlt
on beholding him. ''then you're mo-
dead?'
mo, DEAR" he said, mopping hi
brow. ''But it was terrible fight"
, "I'm sure it was. never heard sucl
an awful row. Did they take anything?
"Only thcir hook" grinned Mr.
, Snoodle. 81 was just in time to preven
'em carrying off the best part Of oul
plate. It was all tied up ready. Tha
idiot of Jane forgot to look the bacl
! door. I'll give it to her in the morn
!. ingt'
: 1.-THE silly grill How many burglar
! were there, John?"
"Two One great fellow over Q feet
,, and another bigger, If anything. but
:. what Eat Does Me No Good"