Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1894-11-22
A MATRIMONIAL JOKE

| The Rossville News was q bright
and ~sprightly paper, but it was not SO
successful as to afford to pay for the
news regularly furnished by the Press
Association. and as a rule, the shears
We'd with the reportorial pencil in fill
ing out its columns.
1t had but one reporter, yet n more
energetic, trrepressible, self-satisfed
newspaper man than Fred Stokes sell
dom existed. In a dearth Of news,
when the town was wretchedly dull,
he could fail back upon the reportorial
Imagination, evolving from airy moth
inSs, a succession of rumors and prog
nOstications with an unfaAing shrewd-
ness that verged upon, yet never over
stepped, the dim line of probability.
When not chasing the festive item, or
cornering an elusive sensation, he
would assist his editoritl chief in the
latter's Onerous task. He would con
coct poetic and taking advertisements;
extract the pith of some great metro
politan editors opinion on the tariff,
and the other burning issues of the
day; and all this in addition to other
multifarious duties.
Often would the editor remove his
cigar, elevate his legs, and, as the blue
smoke curled upward, reward his satel-
lite with a jOvial nod OF approval, and
say:
Fred, me boy, next to meself, the
News would be lost without ye."
The editors ancestral fluid was of
an Irish tincture. and a slight suspicion
OF brogue often intruded itself upon his
tongue when the editor grew interest
cd.
I'm indebted to we, and If ever We
get into a toight place, call upon your
chief. Gratitude, me son-a-ahem!
Here's that account Of young Shurt-
leffs marriage. Very tony affair, that;
we must give 1t at least a column, with
n well displayed heading.
Look here. sir" said Fred. after
one Of these pleasant interjectional col
loauies with his chief, here's a matri-
monlal ad in the New York Herald for
a Wifi: Wealthy Cuban'-rich-pre-
sumably unsophisticated-'without ac-
quaiLtances in this country, wants a
wife. She must be young, handsome.
refined, and so on. Money not essen
t1al. Address, Zanaga, New York Her
aid, in confidence | believe III an
swer it-huge joke, you see?"
Here the editor looked dubious.
Perhaps we can work up something
stunning out of this for the News.
Who knows?"
The editor frightened enthusiast
cally.
"Roight you are" said he. But it
Will take exceedingly adroit manipula-
ton, me boy"
Fred considered the matter, and then
indicated a modest reply, In a flowing
feminine hand, signing himself (the de-
ceitful rascaD Miss Nellie Jardine."
The editor read 1t with admiration.
"A roight tender and circumspect re-
ply. III wouldn't surprise me, now, If
We weren't born novelist after ALL"
SO Fred posted his letter, then care
lessly waited further DEVELOPMENTS.
In due time came a reply. Our Cuban
expressed his surprise and pleasure at
hearing so assuringly from Miss Nellie
Jardine, and said that, out of about for
ty answer, hers was the one that pleas
ed him most.
she alone, he continued, with tropical
ardor, was the n woman for him.
He felt ii. his heart told him so, and
thus on, through several pages of blind
infatuity. He concluded by hoping,
praying. imploring that she would at
once reply and exchange photographs
with her adoring slave.
"Bedad. sir,' said the editor. won
are in for it. i behold already the
consummation. Yell be DOMINIC petit
coats next, and the reportorial depart
ment OF the News will feel an aching
void, that is, when you're off to visit
this Cuban in New York, me boy"
Several letters on either side were
sent, and photographs exchanged, Fred
sending that of an extremely pretty
girl ne had met 1t Cape May one sum-
n'er. He was beginning. however to
tire of the tender monotony, whel, one
day, he laid upon the editors desk a
neat package, which, on being opened,
disclosed q pair of earrings and n
brooch set with garnet and pearls. The
editor examined them critically. Fred
seemed more dismayed than amused.
They're worth three hundred dollars,
me boy-if they're genuine. What does
the fellow say about them?"
why us a. pIeSSuN, lie says, duu
hints Of more to come, and that we
must arrange for n mceting-all this
with the widest protestations of eter-
nal love and fidelity. Hang it! this is
getting serious. l never thought the
fool would go 80 far"
Write him that the sudden death Of
II Of your uncles, cousins or aunts,
calls you Off to San Francisco instant'v,
me boy. Hint of great riches falling
your way, of a family mystery impos-
ing silence. Tell him to possess his
soul in patience, and that he will hear
from you In a month or 90. Then you
can return his COMPOUNDED jewelry, and
break up the affair-somehow-any-
how"
The editor felt sagaclous, yet his
conclusion was misty, too misty It SEEM
ed, when, two days later, Fred rushed
into the sanctum with an open letter
In his hand, his eyes dilated, and his
hair disheveled.
SIR he said, I'm ruined! / must
leave. obliterate myself, and the News
will have to get another man Read
that"
He dashed the letter down upon the
desk, and fell 10 gnawing his nails