Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-03-29

"A Budget Of Fun.
sprinkles of Spice.
You can easily all the public eye
II you have the dust.
THERE Is nothing more positive
than a woman's negative. -Yonkers
Gazette.
You never realize how near an
alarm clock Is till it goes off,
Yonkers Gazette.
JoNEs-What does he do? Brown
DO? Why. he does everybody
Florida Times Union.
ONE reason why some men are sc
lean is because they have thrown all
their fat into the fire. Dallas News
A TART is little pie. but in the
composing-room little pi has often
made more than one tart. Lowell
Courier o0 'se
LANDLADY-Do you like your steak
rare, sir? New Boarder - Yes,
ma'am, rare as once months-BostOn
Courier.
THE whole money-getting world is
running a race for dollar which
may be counterfeit when it Is caught
-Picayune.
THERE'S a lesson to be learned
from the pin, my son. 1t Is given a
head that 1t may not go too far
Boston Transcript.
HEIREss-"There's man after my
own heart" Papa-"Who?" Heir
ess-"The count But he won't get
it."-New York World!"
A LONDON paper publishes the
names Of several public men who use
hair-dye. The dark secret is out at
last. -Philadelphia Ledger.
A STATE newspaper headed an arti-
Gle on the fall OF a colored workman
from a lofty building "a Chocolate
Drop. philadelphia Record.
MABEL-@Do you not think Mr.. De
Little man Of small caliber?" Grace
Perhaps, but I'm sure OF one
thing: he's a big bore. London
Life.
BURGLAR-Sho, miss, l wouldn't
harm hair of your head. Young
Woman-It isn't my hair that I'm
thinking Of; it's my pocketbook.
Judge.
THE HEIREss-I don't see why you
fell in love with so homely girl as
myself, George? George-Oh, my
dear, know you are as good as gold.
Judge.
allow DO YOU know She is plain
looking? You haven't seen her." Il
wrote to her in praise Of her intellec-
tuality and she didn't get miffed. y
Boston Transcript
"RELIGIoN, says the Manayunk
philosopher, makes good armor in
the battle of life; but many who are
too lazy to fight use 1t as cloak. -
Philadelphia Record.
as ToMPKINs henpecked?" as
he?" exclaimed Potts. II should say
he is. He doesn't even dare to claim
a full proprietary interest in his own
rheumatism. "-Indianapolis Journal.
WEARY RUaGLEs-"I'm goin' to
git M hair cut" Dusty Rhodes
Gee whizl Whut fer?" Weary Rag
giles (hysterically)-"Why, der peo-
ple's gettin' to take me fer poet!"
Truth.
A SHUTTLE of frozen boots, dull
thud, a few and an
other citizen is filed with regrets
that he did not take to the middle OF
the street In the first place. Pitts
burg Dispatch.
SUNDAY-sCHOoL Teacher-What is
your definition of an honest man,
Johnnie? Johnnie Whose father is
First Ward politician)-A man who
stays bought when he's bought
Philadelphia Record.
MRS. PoRTLY PoMPoUs 1T is lit
tie strange that you are unwilling to
show your references. Servant
hesitate out of consideration for
those people who change their serv-
ants every week.-Texas Siftings.
BLoBBs-"Did Funnicus enjoy him
self at the church fair last night"
Slobbs-"Not a bit. There were
oysters in the stew, and it was
positively painful to see his disap.
pointment. philadelphia Record.
JACK-"What's George doing yon-
dah?" Reggy - Collecting his
thoughts. Jack -"Well, if they're
as bad as his pokah debts he'll dun
himself into insanity before he gets
there, b. Jove!"-New York World
PoLITENEss explained: Mrs. MORT
arity doing Paris)-"D'ye notice how
polite these Frinchmen are to wan
another" Mr.. Moriarity-"Yis, be.
CORY! do behave each wan av thin
is afraid av livery other wan av
the m. Puck.
MASTER examining class in geog-
raphy)-"What Is the name OF this
town." Pupil-"Birmingham." Mas
ter-"What is it noted for?" Pupil
Firearms. Master-"What are fire.
arms?" Pupil-"Poker, shovel and
! tongs. lid Bits.
would you call Dexter poet?"
mo, sir. He is a riminal. "A
WHAT" criminal. That's word of
my own. II man who commits
crimes is a criminal don't see why
man who commits rhymes shouldn't
be a riminal Life.
AUNTIE-Does your new doll close
its eyes? Little Ethel-Yes'm, but
she is the most wakeful child l ever
| saw Che doAsn,f chuf her evea when