Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-08-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

L. 'keu lutO SoShO' hH' AO
crea Truth.
A young man is theory; an old
man fact. .-Atchison Globe.
A boys idea of glory is to play base
ball in q s'suit. "--Atchison Globe.
If a woman looks cool on hot day,
she doesn't mind being warm. -Atchl-
son Globe.
AS soon as man announces that he
is reformer, he ought to be arrested.
-Atchison Globe.
The baseball player would be all
right if he could only play as we'll as
he practices. Puck.
Man is made of dust and his name
becomes Mud through the watering
cart of Fate. Puck.
A mans confidence in his own ex-
per1ence is an inverse proportion TO
his age. Rams Horn.
Hunger is the best sauce, but when
YOU have no other it is fatal to the
stomach. Rams Horn.
Women never get over the notion
that they are entertaining angels una
wares. .-Atchison Globe.
Be polite to everybody. There's
no telling when you may have some
thing to sell. ll.-Atchison Globe.
A growler is man who would much
rather sleep in cyclone than IN an
ordinary draft. Galveston News.
When the last man leaves the room,
hni, oh
closer, and whisper. dlooe'
''Thus we part, wretch. and this is
the last letter from your unhappy
Anna. p. S.-More tomorrow. -
Fliegende Blaetter.
Laundry machinery really seems to
have reached the stage of perfection.
It can destroy collar in single wash.
Boston Transcript.
81 fail, said the boarder, frantic
ally saving at the steak, ''to find
weak point in this Armour plate. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Hiland-"What nuisance that
epotist Spudkins isl Halket-
'fRight you are. He's regular L
sore. ."-Pittsburg Chronicle.
1t is supposed that the fashion among
women of reading the final pages OF
novel first is due to- their prediction
for the last rd.-Boston Transcript.
when you refused Freddie,
did YOU tell him to brace up and be
MANI" Saddie--''No, | didn't want
to be unreasonable. Detroit Iri-
bune.
1t is always discovered, when man
is killed while engaged IN some
hazardous business, that it was his IN
tention to have retired next year
Atchison Globe.
Hungry Higgins-"Say, it amt hot
on the road, here, ner nuthln.
Weary Watkins-"Y said 'er Don't
YOU wisht we was in some nice, cool
iail l?'-Indianapoli Journal.
Mrs. Carson-''I hear it was runa-
wav MATCH Mrs. Vokes-'"Yes.
The bride and her father caught up to
him with preacher when he was try
ing to escape New York Herald.
Doctor LETS see, did l prescribe
for you the last time you were here!
Patient-'Let me see-oh, yes! L
remember now, for was deadly sick
all the next day. boston Transcript.
Beggar-''Kind sir, pray give me
shilling for my six hungry children?
Passerbv-"Awfully sorry: but I'm
not buying hungry children Just now;
I've got nine at home already. Lon
don Moonshine.
Bangle "Nature has been very
kind TO Mrs. Bluscher. See the roses
on her cheeks?" Miss b. s rival
sYes, indeed. One must have
natural gift to paint like that =
Arkansaw Traveller.
''Did Miss Fyppe receive many
proposals while at the seashore?'
''Many? Why, receiving proposals
got to be a habit with her. She got
SO she couldn't even hear soda water
bottle pop without exclaiming, This
is so sudden = indianapolis Jour
nal.
Mr.. Dun-''But, my dear fellow,
this account has been running seven
wears" Scientific Debtor THAT'S
right, old man. But you know every
atom of a mans system changes in
seven years. / am not the man who
bought the goods. Cincinnati Tri'
bune.
The good, kind old gentleman
looked down henignantly on the small
urchin blacking his shoes. Now,
my boy" he said, after he had finished
blacking his shoes, what would you
think if / gave you nice new 81
bill?" The boy, down on all fours,
cooked his head up at his prospective
benelactor. al guess I'd think YOU
wanted ninety-five cents change. he
replied, and the subsequent proceed
ings proved his guess TO be correct -
Detroit Free Press.