Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-12-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Keep off the grass--Lawn mowers.
A theorist is man with perfect con-
idence in his imagination.
The competition of vanity has done
much to swell many fund for char
ity.
It is the first step that costs; and
sometimes it costs SO much that we
can't afford to take a second.
There is nothing poetical about
money. Distant prospects of it lend
no enchantment to the view.--Puck.
A gallant youth-a pretty miss
trolley car that's dark
Would it be right to say that this
Was an electric srark2
New York Herald.
The same woman who laughed at
you with riches, will smile with you
at poverty-if she takes the notion. -
Puck.
"I'll tell you tale that is positively
hair raising" "For Jupiter's sake,
tell it to Jobson; he's bald headed!"
Judge.
Some men show remarkably good
taste in their selection of ties until
they put their necks into the matri-
monial halter.
"Virtue lends dignity to man,
but wickedness sometimes lends dol
lars," said cynic who had never
dared to tell lie. Puck.
Bacon-s'It's not difficult, nova
days, to get men to do your bidding"
Egbert-"No; I've often noticed the
dummies about an auction room"
Can a woman a secret keep?
There is one such, I'll engage,
As the years upon her creep
IT'S the secret OF her age.
Judge.
The man who never knows when he
is beaten would be perfectly happy if
he could get rid of the suspicion that
other people may be better posted -
Puck.
Miss Hasbeep very tir ed af-
ter the party last night. Little Ethel
Eyes, you must be. Sister says you
held the wall up the whole evening. ;"
Brooklyn Life.
She-"I like this place immensely
since they have had the new French
chef" He weak in his French, but
generous to fault -"Waitah, bring
chef for two. Harlem Life.
Mr.. Snapp--sIs the gentleman in
the next room a somnambulist? ?" Land
lady" "Gracious goodness, no; for
generations back they've all been Bap-
fists. Chicago Record.
There's heads and heads and heads and
heads,
Long heads, round heads, and flats;
Some heads are made to carry brains,
Spare Moments
"Why did the football game stop?"
ssThe ball got mashed to q pulp"
Chow did that happen?" ga practi-
cal joker on one of the teams slipped
wig on it during the game. Puck.
Patron Ito laundryman) = John,
how did it happen that the Japanese
killed SO many Cinnamon in the last
battle?" John--''Notee know. Maybee
bigee rain makee bad runnee. New
York Weekly.
81 don't see how You dare trust
yourself to young DR.. Pills. He hasn't
any patients. +" 'That's just the point.
He strains every nerve to keep me
alive; I'm his only source of income"
-Harper's Bazaar.
every tree can be distinguished by
its bark" said Twynn. II deny that"
replied Triplett. ''Name one that
cannot" "I maintain that single
tree cannot be distinguished by its
bark. Detroit Free Press.
"And what kind of chin has she?"
she asked, as he paused in the middle
of an attempt at description of her
features. ga movable one," said he,
after a moments sober thought. And
then he heaved deep and pensive
sigh. Journal.
The poet was in brown study, and
his wife was sewing over by the win
dow. "a penny for your thoughts.
Algernon," she said. looking up at
him. ''That's just it, my dear" he
replied. "a penny is about all / can
get for them, and that's what worries
me. Detroit Free Press.