The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-08-07
The Major is Past all Human Ald--He
Intended to Read the Riot Act t the
p. P. State Convention, But
nG.- TKyouIdn't Let Him.

p. p, State Convention, 6uE
Betsy Wouldn't Let Him.
R-"Hello! Mr.. Editor"
R-"Hello! Major Bilkins. What
can 1 do for youY"
B.-"Nothin', l reckon. I'm PasV
awl bumin ade now. We Alliance
Jemvkrats can't strike high low now
a-days."
RI thought you had given up
the idea of going to Congress or the
legislature and expected to join the
Peoples party"
B,-"You are mistakin. l wuzsorter
talkin' that way, but Kurnul Johnsln
read it in the paper an cum out ter
e me. He sed it looked sOrter gloomy
fer goin' ter Kongress, but sed fer me
not ter give up yit, He lowed that we
demvkrats couldn't insure any man
that he would be 1ected if it wuz left
ter the people, but sed that az we still
hev the magistrates we kin elect county
commissioners in spite ov the people.
That just suited me an l tole him there
amt enuf money in the country IN cir
cuIashun ter induse me ter jine the
Peoples party"
R-"Sothe promise of pie has turned
the tide again. expected to see you
in the Peoples party State convention
here last week"
B.-"I did low I would cum, but
Betsy found out the skeme l wuz git
tin up an made me stay at home. I
intended ter read the riot act an make
speech orderin' awlt the Peoples party
delegates ter disperse an cum back ter
the grand ole dymakrat party. I he'd
my speech awl writ out an after read
in the riot actI lowed ter say: ''Feller
s%itersuns, a few ov you are gathered
here in Metropolitan Hall in the capy-
tut sity ov our State. You are here In
VioIashun ov the laws ov your kSdn-
try. In the name oX Grover Cleve-
land, IJGnn Sherman an the Shugar
ITust, I, Zeke Bilkins, hereby order
you ter dispense I'm aware that non
ov you believe you are committin' a
crime. You hev bin tole by the So
called leaders ov your partie that it is
lawful ter cum here an hold a State
convenshun. An The PROGRESSIVE
FARMER an other reform papers hev
bin advisin' you ter resent insults an
act independent; but I am here ter-day
ter tell you that any an every meetin'
held, no matter where, against the
grand ole dymakrat party liz a clear
violashun ov the constertushun an the
laws of our kountry. You may git
indignant an cuss Grover Cleveland
an the Shugar Trust awl you want
ter; you may swear that Ransom il a
raskel, but you must do it in the name
ov Sherman an the gold bugs. You
kin do it az a dymakrat or Republican,
but you kant expect ter escape the
strong hand ov the law if you remain
in this hall an hold a Peoples party
convenshun. Therefore be warned in
time an sin not against the dymakrat
partie an the Shugar Trust"
RI am sorry you did not come
and make your speech. There were
five hundred men in the convention
who would have enjoyed it SO much
that they would have kicked you all
the way home"
B.-"Then I'm glad I did't git there
Betsy would give a deed to our farm
an everything else just ter see sum
body give me a few kicks. She cum
nifty ny dyin' when she saw tina
kickin machine in THE PROGRESSIVE
FARMER last week. She sed l orte1
buy two dozen ov 'em fer my own use
Betsy is the meanest anarkist in tn,
State. Goodbye"
THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.