The Penn's Grove record., 1894-03-09
FUN.

Best place to hold the Worlds Fair
light around the waist. - Boston
Herald.
Mary (praeticaD-A beautiful ring,
my dear; what did you give for it?
Eleanor (poeticaD -Myself.-Life
Businesslikc: Young Sprigg-"Mr.
Bidouick, | am worth $50, 200 and l
love your daughter" Mr.. Bidquick
(retired NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
60 Tribune.
She-Sir, what do you mean By put
ting your arm around my waists
He-Do you object?
She-Mr. Arthur Gordon, I'll give
YOU inst five hours to remove your
arm.-Beacon.
Countryman-Can I sell you q wagon
load of apples this morning?
Proprietor Gin astonishment)-No,
sir. This is q cider factory. (Sharply
to clerk) Jacobs, show this man u
Chicago Tribune.
Dudely--I think tho term grass
widow is very deceiving.
Friend-How so?
Dudely-Bccause they are not green
at all. One of them says she is going
to sue me for $4,000.
Sam Johnsing-IIuh, did you hear
de parson say dat whoebber had stole
his pumpkins would go ter dc bad
place?
Jim Webster-Ticah! hcahl amt
glad | didn't steal muffin but cabbaSes.
"Oh. Edward, why are yon SO latcf
! have been SO frightened"
Edward (who has "taken in" cham
payne supper)-"Porta bisnish, m
dear" -
"Wouldn't it keep till tomorrow
"No love; not after corksh drawn"
Life.
"You shouldn't have taken NO for
an answer 30 readily, Charley" said
his more experienced friend. "Don''
you understand that q girls No often
means 'Yesg'"
s.She didn't say NO. jack" re-
sponded Charley, utterly without hope.
! She said Nav. '"-Boston Beacon.
Chicago Cirl-Oh, a%untie, we've just
been out shooting at the target. Great
sport, | tell you. Boston girl-Yes,
indeed; l fully coincide with Belinda
although the diversion is somewhat
arduous. 1 succeeded in perforatins
the bovine optic three times in success.
sion.-Kearney Enterprise.
Close Call-May-Charlie, you must
be careful and not expose yourself
You were out in all that rain last night
Charlie-No, | wasn't. What made
you think SO? May-Why,p papa came
home and said he met you coming
from the lodge, and that you were
thoroughly soaked.-Kearney CNeb.)
Enterprise.
| He-Where are you going, my pretty
maid?
She-I am going after Decent rib
bon, Decent stockings, 39-cent cash
mere, Accent silks, 59-cent velvet, SO.
cent gloves, 79-cent hats, S9-cenI
shawls, 99-cent umbrellas, and all the
other bargains in the paper, sir, she
said.-Munsey's Weekly.
A shrek came from the parlor, ant
the mother rushed into the room il
great agitation.
..What is it, my daughter?" she ex'
claimed. elias this-this person from
New York been rude or uncivil?"
ssNot Intentionally, mamma" sale
the young Boston maid, family. ''Bui
it was q painful shock. He said 'hip-
popotamuses' instead of 'hippopota
mi.'n-Chicago Tribune.
First Suit-"Where have yor
| been?"
Second Suit-"Laid up
Friend-What are you doing all day
in the Cooper Union Library?
Newspaper Humiorist-You see, ont
of my jokes has been published in {
New York paper and l am watching
the people reading the papers to see il
somebody don't laugh over it. A fel
low almost giggled yesterday.
Amateur Humorist Ito b~owlegget
boy)-"Do you always walk like that
sonny?"
Boy-nNaw. l sometimes rum
Philadelphia Inquirer.
First Citizen-f'What are you doing
out in the rain without your coat?"
Second Citizen binding his breath,
-sI just escaped the Storm"
First Citizen-HWhat do you mean?'
Second Citizen-"My wife let he
weeks washing fall in the mud, and
got out the front way before the blow
came."-Philadelphia Inquirer.