davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

The sufferers words frequently have
great wait.-Buffalo Courier.
Billing and cooling flourish during the
honeymoon. Afterwards the billing some
time stops the cooing.-Lowell Courier
Stern Father-"He who sows the wind
well, he raises the wind, anyway."-De-
troit Tribune.
This much is to be said in favor of the
tattooed man. While a great many men
have designs upon others his are all upon
himself Buffalo Courier.
-He-'I see that China is suing for
peace" She-"How ridiculous Hasn't
she lost enough by war without going into
tn law courts ?"-Boston Transcript.
Are the boys standing by you all
right" You bet they are,' said the
candidate, ESPECIALLY when I get up
against the bar. indianapolis Journal.
"A man will unblushingly comb his hair
over bald spot on the top of his head and
yet expect fruiterer to put his smallest
apples in the top layer of a box.-Tid,
A Westminster man has just made
banjo in which there are 500 pieces of
wood. He ought to have no difficulty in
striking few cords out of it.-Yonker's
Statesman.
The prize of one guinea offered by It'd
Bits for the best definition of life has
been awarded for the following definition:
''Life-A trial trip before the launch into
eternity
Assistant ''I've the greatest freak in
the world here?" Museum Manager
"What is it?' Assistant-"A farmer who
speaks the dialect we get in magazine short
stories. Life.
-Neighbor-"Yo how large family to
support, Mr.. Finnigan." Mr.. Finnigan-
Il hoy that, mum; an if they didn't all
earn their own Twin [ couldn't do it at all,
at all."-Tid-Bits.
said Uncle Eben, sis dat eff yoh wants ter
you kin take it Outen de almanack an
keep it in yoh heahts de hull yeah roun'"
Washington Star.
Professor returning home at night
hears noise)-"ls some one ,there?'' Bur-
glar (under the. bed)-"No!' Professor
"That's strange! was positive some one
was under my bed" -Tid-Bits.
A Delicate Compliment-Mrs. Good
feed-s"Will you ask a blessing, Mr..
Guest?" Mr.. Guest Casting his eye ad-
miringly over the table, -"Really, my dear
madam, it doesn't need it."-Detroit Free
Press.
Here's another one of those million
aire plumber jokes in the paper" said
er, Hicks?'' Never said Hicks. All
the plumbers I've ever seen have been
very poor plumbers Still, a fellow may
be poor plumber and yet be a rich man."
-Harper's Bazaar
After the Honeymoon-Time, june
The Earl (proudly)-"I am carrying on
history of my family" The American
Countess Gate of the Metropolitan nou-
veauriche, snappishly)- "Are you afraid
that the facts have not been effectually sup
pressed?' '-Vogue.
He was a pretty little youngster, with
little fat legs, that stuck out beneath clean,
stiff-starched clothes. 'What are you go
ing to do when you grow to be a man?'
asked q visitor The little fellows face as
sumed an expression of earnest gravity as
he responded with voice which was evil
IDENTIFY shaken by sad memories of the past,
"Whip papa" -Tid-Bits.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
WHAT HE DID.
Prof Blanks Observation-Disclosures Shocks
His Wife.

Prof. Blanks Observation-Disclosures Shocks
His Wife.
Prof Blank, although a very dignified
and courtly gentleman, has fits of absent
mindedness amounting almost to mental
alteration This failing has placed him
in many embarrassing positions. 1t
seemed to the professor and his family
that the climax had been reached one
evening when the professor, after filling
his bath-tub for a bath. plunged in with
all of his clothes on. But deeper, be-
cause public, modification soon followed
this alarming mental lapse The pro-
fessor sometimes speaks in public, and
few days after the bathroom episode he
was asked to be che of three or four
speakers at a public meeting His brief
address was received with great ap-
plause, which, to the professors surprise
and chagrin, was followed by broad grins
and even unrepressed tittering on the
part of many in the audience. No sooner
was the professor out of the house after
the meeting than he turned to his wife
and asked, my dear. what was the oc-
casion of all that smiling and actual gig
Cling after the generous applause that
followed my address,"
Don't you know" asked his wife, a
little sharply L never felt so mortified
in my life. Why don't you keep your
wits about you when you are in public:
1t was dreadful!'
..Why. Helen. what did I do?''
DO: You sat up there on that plat
form before all that great audience and
applauded your own speech! That's what
you did'-From the Editors Drawer"
in Harper's Magazine for December.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
THE CZAR'S BODYGUARD.
Proud Traditions of the Preobrajinski
Regiment.

Proud Traditions of the PreObraj insk
Regiment.
1t may have been observed by readers
that a most prominent part was taken in
PreObrajinski regiment, which since the
days of Peter the Great has been the
bodyguard of the Emperor, and, in con-
sequence, the crack reg ment of the En-
pire.
1t is we'll known what stormy time
preceded the accession of Peter the Great
to the throne. He was prosecuted from
his very infancy by his sister, Sophia,
who acted as regent, and only escaped
mira culOusly from death. The hired as
sassins of his sister were about to kill
him on the altar of a Moscow church.
where his mother had placed him, having
fled thither from the kremlin, when 4
number of young noblemen snatched him
away and carried him to a place of safe
ty. -Four years later Sophia, fearing to
have him killed outright, decided to try
to end his days in another way. She sent
him to Preobrajinski, village htty or
more miles from Moscow. Fifty young
noblemen were sent as his companions
with the understanding that they were to
try to debauch him as much as possible.
She hoped in this way he would become
unfit to reign. But she was disappointed
Peter had taken with him an otflcer
named Lefort, French adventurer, who
had served in the Belgian army. Lefort,
true to his military instincts, formed a
regiment at Preobrajinski, and began to
train the fifty companions of Peter to
become it's officers. Peter and his friends
soon became deeply interested IN the null
fairy exercises and gave up the lite which
Sophia had wished them to lead. Peter
studied hard and passed from grade to
grade, just as his comrades, WI, Who became n
extremely attached to him. When he de-
cided to proclaim himself Emperor later
it was they-the PreobraJlnskl corps
which stood by him and enabled him to
do so. Sophia then sent her, soldiers to
seize him. but the Preobrajinskls repulsed
them. and the ambitious Princess had to
renounce the throne. .
All the Cars since that day. mindful OF
have kent up the regiment and made it
their bodyguard. 1t has thus the proud,
est traditions in the Russian army-and
has always lived up to them
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
Absorbed.

A mothers love for her children is al
ways being illustrated, not only in books
but in real life. says the Youths Compan-
ion. A true story is told of a lady whose
baby is very ill, and who sat watching the
child with absorbed attention, every in
slant fearing another CONFUSION and pray
ing for deliverance from it,
At her side stood an older child. who
had stolen into the room unobserved. and
who was trying to prick the little black
spots in mammals muslin sleeves with a
needle he had found. Presently the father
came in and the little child was seen and
sent away.
what is the matter with your ARM"
whispered the gentleman to his wife, when
at last they turned to each other and
smiled their thankfulness that the baby
had fallen asleep.
Il don't know said she; nothing that
I am aware off,
She put up her hand and found that the
thin muslin sleeve was soaked with blood.
The little boy had become so absorbed in
his sport that he had 'jabbed' with all
his might, and She in her terrible anxiety,
had not felt the thrusts.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
KNOWLEDGE

Brings comfort and improvement and
tends to personal enjoyment when
rightly used. The many, who live bet
nrthan others and enjoy life more, with
less expenditure, by more promptly
adapting the worlds best products to
the needs of physical being, will attest
the value to health of the pure liquid
laxative principles embraced in the
remedy, Syrup of Figs.
Its excellence is due to its presenting
in the form most acceptable and pleas
ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly
beneficial properties of perfect lax
alive; etlectually cleansing the system,
dbpellng colds, headaches and fevers
and permanently curing constipation.
Ithas given satisfaction to millions and
met with the approval of the medical
Profession, because it acts on the Kid
neys, Liver and Bowels without weak
enng them and it is perfectly free from
every Objectionable substance.
Syrup Of Figs is for sale by all drug
gstsin SOC and 81 bottles, but it is man
utactured by the California Fig Syrup
CO.only, whose name is printed on every
package, also the name, Syrup of Figs,
and being well informed, you will not
accept any substitute if offered.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
POINTS ABOUT ANIMALS.

-Rlue-eyed cats are said by Darwin
to be almost deaf.
The hog eats fewer plants imam any
other herb-feeding animal.
-Carniyorous animals seldom produce
more than two young at birth.
The flesh of the boa constructor IS eat
on by the aborigines of Brazil.
In many tropical countries the scorpion
grows to the length of foot.
The eggs of the crocodile are scarcely
larger than those of the goose.
The strongest muscle in monkey, S
bodv is found in his prehensile tau.
Certain parts of the hippopootamus
hide attain thickness of two nches.
The skin is the only part of the human
body that is not hardened by age.
-Noles can swim with great dexterlty,
their broad forepaws acting as paddles.
The sword fish does not use its terrible
weapon as Il dagger, but as fiall
Students of nature have never been
ahle to explain the chameleon's change OF
color.
-Tusks of the mammoth have been
found of length of nine feet, measured
along the curve
The whole body of the boa or other
constructor is a perfect network of power
full muscles
Some naturalists say that the whale
u.os once q land animal that took to the
water for safety.
-EIephants annoyed by flies have often
been known to break off branch and use
t as fan.
Oxen and sheep are believed by some
stackmen to fatten better in company
than when kept alone.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
LIGHTNING IN A SNOWSTORM.
A Freak of Nature Witnessed in Column
bus-Church Spire Struck.

A remarkable freak of nature occurred
yesterday afternoon about 4 o'clock 1t
had been raining quite hard and suddenly
turned colder. In a few minutes the rain
turned to snow, and it was not long until
a binding snow storm ragged. During the
height of the storm several streaks of
lightning shot athwart the heavens, fol-
lowed by several peals of thunder. Judge
Duncan and several attorneys We're stand
ing at the High street windows of his
courtroom watching the scurrying flakes
of snow, the jury in the Bauer case be
ing out, when the lightning struck the
tall spre of the German Lutheran church
across the street. The cross at the apex
of the spire is mounted by a lightning rod,
and the sparks of fire danced around the
point for several seconds.
What is more remarkable about the
freak is that within ten minutes the
clouds had disappeared and the setting
sun cast his refulgent rays over the snow
capped roofs with binding effect. 1t is
not very often that such freak of nature
occurs in this latitude.-Ohio ssaate Jour
nal
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
He Was Defeated.

In the Eighth Massachusetts congress
sional district at the last election, one of
the Populist candidates for seat in
Congress was Linn Boyd Porter of Bos-
ton, once a newspaper man, but who of
late years is known as Albert Ross, the
novelist. He received communication
from the New York Tribune about six
days before election asking him to file
one Of two Enclosed dispatches as soon as
possible after the result of the balloting
became known. One read: Il am
elected" The other read: Il am de-
feated." Mr.. Porter signed the one sig
nifying defeat and telegraphed it on to
the Tribune six whole days before cleo
ton. His predictions were correct.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
rr PRETTY HAIR.
Z n1sINESS MANS LUNCH
work and Indigestion go
~ Hand in Hand.

lad thought, continued in. robs
.1centfa' - necessary blood, and this is
s1l'aSf hard physical labor:
rle o. ., .,,', horsepower engine is made
f1s1 t ,,orse- power work something is
isn break. Very often the hard
n to -, coming from the field or the
led !. ,I''. q holt " his food i'll a few min
h VII u,iII take hours to digest. Then
sTiiS" Goods are about as useful in the
many ,' keg of nails would be i'll a
1acl 10 boiler. The ill-used stomach
aaGsI 10 its work without the proper
S&' W,,i,;ch it gets from the blood and
GaIll' ,ri,e nerves are weak and ready
O.. , y because they do not get the
0iS went they require from the blood,
G'. .,a ill-used brain is 1norbidly wide
E,! u" ,,brn the overworked man at
dIs N find rest i'll bed.
|12'' "~,Iication of common sense in the
ps aptF Of the stomach and the whole
e'..' Wings to the busy maj, the full en-
FEN If 4l Of iife and healthy digestion when
4ay2n ne Dr Pierce's Pleasant Pellets to
nA'o bilious stomach or after a too
aH,s meal and DR.. Pierce's Golden
sdH niscovery to purify, enrich and
S. 1,a fine blood. The Pellets" are tiny
a y. coated pills made of highly concen-
90 J ,yTroetable ingredients which relieve
as .., W. of all offending matters easily
;i,,,noronghly. They need only be taken
!. "g short time to cure the biliousness,
.;oation and slotllfulness, or torpor, of
5I T;Tcr. then the Medical Discovery"
IN he taken i'll teaspoonful doses to ill.,
,aL' t J blood and enrich it. 1t has a
al liar effect upon the lining membranes
,' stomach and bowels, toning up and
netbeuine them for all time. The
Il, ~ svstern feels the effect of the pure
y, ai coursing through the body and the
, % are vitalized and strengthened, not
5eped. or put to sleep, as the so-called
Wv compounds and nerve mixtures do
f. refreshed and fed OH the food they
i for health. If you suffer from indi-
ion dyspepsia, nervousness, and any
he ills which come from impure blood
disordered stomach, you can cure
,TIf with DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
avery which can be obtained at any
store in the country.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
Where the Sun is Hot.

GAS thick as the hair on dogs back"
expresses nothing in Mexico, for the Mexi-
can dog is utterly devoid of hair on its
back or anywhere else The hot climate
having rendered it superfuous, Mother
Nature kindly Invested him Of it. Nor
does "the little busy bee improve each
shining hour" in that country. On the
no winter there. there is no necessity for
laying in a store of honey, and it degener,
ates into a thoroughbred loafer.-Animal
Friop5c
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
REVOLUTIONARY RELIC.
"A Rusty Saber Found in the Cellar of a
McKeesport Hotel.

McKeesport Hotel.
Clerk A. f. Riegner of Hotel White has
in his possession a very interesting relic.
Saturday, while workl&an were doing
some excavating and cleaning out the eel.
lar at the hotel they came upon an object
which proved to be an old saber
The sword was encased in leather
sheath, but it had almost entirely rottel
away. The saber was mass of rust, but
had been pretty we'll cleaned up. No dates
or marks of any kind are visible on it, but
it has the appearance of being of very an,
Gent make
Persons who have seen the saber believe
it to be relic of revolutionary times.
1t resembles the swords used in those
times. and many think the implement of
war was the property of Gen. Braddock or
some officer in his command who was 10.
Gated in this section in the struggling days
of the country. Mr.. Riegner prizes the
relic very highly and will have it placed in
the best possible ondition.-McKeespor
News.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
The Magic Circle.

hat Tell him that you are to blindfold
him and draw a circle about him from
which he cannot jump without removing
his hat. While he is blindfolded draw with
a piece of chalk a circle about his hat.
Now do you see the point ?-Harper's
Young People.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
WISCONSIN Patents.

Patents for the following Wisconsin
inventions are reported this week by Err
win. Wheeler & Wheeler. So and 50 Loan
and Trust building. Milwaukee, Wis.
These attorneys will furnish the I'm
ventors' Handbook" free on request.
William Casper, Milwaukee, spark arrester;
Henry Klein, GAINESVILLE thermal circuit
breaker; Frank Rowley, West Superior, mail
and express car; Fred. P. Stiles, Sparta. au-
tomato ribbon reverse. Trade mark: Alfred
Won Cotzhausen, Milwaukee, crystalline pict-
TreS
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

The o. L. Rosenkrans & Thatcher
Co.'S watch is the best and most reliable
time piece Write for catalogue. 0. l..
Rosenkrans & Thatcher Co., 129 Wiscon-
sin street, Milwaukee.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Send your full name and address to
Dobbins' Soap Mfg. Co., Philada., Pa,
by return mail, and get, Free of all Cost, a
coupon worth several dollars, if used by
you to its full advantage. Don't delay
This is worthy attention.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

A British clergyman recently usdler-
took to give his horses a sea bath. As the
beach was lonely he took off all his
clothes, precaution which proved en-
barrassing when the horse ran away and
carried him through the main street of
the village
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Andrew johnson was the son of a
very poor farmer. When 10 years old he
was apprenticed to a tailor, and acquired
taste for reading by hearing gentleman
read aloud from the "American Speaker
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Group is quickly relieved and Wissop-
ing Cough greatly helped and its dura-
ton shortened by DR.. d. Jayne>s Expec-
torant, the old family standby for Coughs
and Colds, and all Lung or Throat affec~
tioOS
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Apparently the new Congress will
have great many youngest members"
The latest claimant is Norman A. Moz-
ley of Missouri, who was born in 1866.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Great reduction in Sterling Silver.
Teaspoons, $500 per set and upwards.
Call or write O. L. Rosenkrans & Thatch-
er Co. 129 Wisconsin street, Milwaukee.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Sarah Bernhardt has earned and
spent more money than any other living
actress. In the last twenty years she has
earned $2,500,OO0, and circulated il with
the eXtravag ance of Il princess
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Senator Henry Cabot Lodge of
Massachusetts. Sir Rivers Wilson of
England and Col. John Hay of Washing
tin, D. c., are registered at the Hotel
Brunswick in New York.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

James I. of England had horror of
naked sword. and could not look at one
without shuddering and turning pale 1t
was caused by an antenatal influence, the
murder of Rizzio having shortly preceded
his birth
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Scientific opticians Eyes examined
free. Visit or write O. l.. Rosenkrans &
Thatcher Co., 100 Wisconsin street. Mil
Waukee
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Nine. Nordica confirms the report of
her engagement to Zoltan Doeme. the
Hungarian tenor
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

should try the remedy which cured me:
1t recently cured a druggist who suffered
for twenty-five years. Trial package
free. Address John A. Smith, Mlwau-
kee, Wis, Dept. d.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

There is now at La Rochelle, France,
an old man of the name of Jules Lostot,
who possesses a marvellous memory. He
knows by heart all the verses in the Bible.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
IN OLDEN TIMES.

Years hence the maiden loud will laugh,
When she perceiyes
The picture of her grandma's dress
With it's big sleeves.
kansas CITY Journal
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
Not an Experiment.

The use of Ripans Tabules for head
acnes, dyspepsia and other stomach dis
orders is not an experiment, hat an as
sured success. They will do all that we
saw thew will
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Lovely warmth of color, with traces of
pink and white, is the exquisite complex
ion which follows the use of Gienn's
Sulphur Soap.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

An Indian carpet weighing three tons
and made by the prisoners in the Agra
Jail for Queen Victoria has just been re-
ceivd at Windsor Castle.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

Queen Margaret of Italy is to receive
costly gift. The Veloce club of Asilan
has decided to give her golden bicycle
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

We have not been without Pisos Cure
for Consumption for 20 years.-Lizzie
Ferrel, Camp ST., Harrisburg, Pa, May
f. '94.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13

George Fox was brought up In the
humble home of q weaver.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-12-13
A Gross Act of Cruelty.

Why should we be cruel to ourselves? 1t
Is a piece of senseless inhumanity, for in
stance, for any one of us to inf1lct upon MS
bowels and stomach the convulsive, gripping,
violent action of a drastic cathartic. Many
people enamored of pills, powders and po-
lions are continually doing this. They are
only excepting up the agony" perpetuating
the disturbance by this foolish course. Why
don't they take Hostetters Stomach Bltters
and get thoroughly and promptly set right?
This supreme laxative never gripes, never
produces violent effects of any sort. Yet 1t
is very effective and brings about perma-
nent results. For liver complaint, dyspep-
STA, nervousness, lack of vitality, rheumatic
and kidney complaints, it is eminently serv-
iceable. In old age and to accelerate con-
valescence it is strongly to be commended.
Use it for malaria.
81 took my boy up town the other
day" said Wilkins. 1--WE had lunch at the
matinee of Hamlet % ''That's a good
idea. There's education in that" said
Hicks WAS saa h M impress Whsn vs livery sct
home l said to him, We'll, Willie, you've
had great day Yes said he. What
did you think of 'Hamet?' said |. Don't
know said he. But l say, pa, he added,
wasn't that boss mince pie we had! y
Harper's Bazaar.
There is more Catarrh in this section Of
the country than all other diseases put to-
gether and until the last few years was sup
posed to be incurable. For a great many
years doctors pronounced it a local dis
ease, and prescribed local remedies. and by
constantly failing to cure with local treat
ment, pronounced it incurable. Science has
proven cat arrh to be constitutional disease
and therefore requires constitutional treat
ment. Halls Catarrh Cure, manufactured
by f. ]. Cheney & Co.. Toledo, Ohio is the
only constitutional cure on the market: 1t
is taken internally in doses from 10 drops
to tablespoonful 1t acts directly on the
blood and mucous surfaces of the system.
They offer one hundred dollars for any case
it fails to cure. Send for circulars and tes-
timonials. Address,
+. ]. CHENEY & Co., Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
LORD Percy Douglas, who has by the
death of his elder brother become Lord
Drumlanrig, is at the present moment
prospecting for gold in Western Austria
liza