davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
old Age and Hard WORK.

Old people make great mistake
when they give up work. Many men
who have made competency in bust
ness and feel entitled to retire from
active work find themselves declin-
ing in health and becoming prema-
turely old for want of occupation. In
most aged persons the vital functions
continue in active exercise under nor
NAL conditions. But if the regulari-
ty and moderation of business life
are departed from, trouble will sure
ly follow. On the other hand, The
Lancet holds that .sif in any direc-
ton it is allowable for competitors in
the race of life to dispense with self
control it would appear that they
may to a great extent use this lib
erty with respect to physical and
mental exertion." In other words.
we must not eat too much or drink
too much, but we can study hard
and take plenty of exercise not only
without harm. but with the best re-
suits, and if old people wish to live
out all their days they should find
plenty to do, both for mind and body.
London Lancet.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
Too InauIsItlve.

There's a man up town who has a
mania for collecting all sorts of queer
facts in history, science and so forth,
and his wife can't appreciate him at
all The other evening he laid down
his paper.
That's odd, " he said to her.
'sWhatf' she inquired.
'aThe statement that it would take
1000, 900 years to pump the sea dry
at the rate of 600 gallons second. .
She studied the statement pro-
foundly for full minute.
tsWhere would they put all tie
waterf she asked ipnocently, and he
paid no attention whatever to tile
question.-Detroit Free Press.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
rhe ahost on Roard shIn.

A ghost haunts a ship. The mate
has story of it every morning. One
night the captain watches the mate,
sees him rise from his hammock and
walk in his sleep into the cabin.
There he takes water in a piphn,
scatters it about, and still asleep goes
back to roost.
Next morning the mate tells how
he had awakened, seen the ghost, fol-
lowed him into the other cabin and
besprinlxled him with holy water.
He was quite honest in his state
ment. He had been somnambulistic
and remembered (Which seems un-
usual the hallucinations of his sleep
walking. Probably more ghosts than
we generally allow for are to be e1-
planned by somnambulism.- Black
woods Magazine.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
saNs o. eRETNA GEES.
T',Ess VINO Tled the Nuptlal knott


Tilree Who Tied the Nuptfal Knot For
lnny Runaway Couples.
Ihs st person who twined the
band Hymen this way is supposed
to ho een aman named Scott, who
resid the Rigg, a few miles from
the q of eiretna. about 1850 or
1850 was accounted shrewd,
craft low, and little more is
know him. George Gordon, an
old 50 started up as his success
sor. always appeared ON mar
rlage sions in an antiquated full
milita costume, wearing large
cooke + red coat, jaekboots and
a pom r9us sword dangling at his
side. At any time he was interro-
gated What authority he Joined
persor n wedlock, he boldly am
swere have n special license from
the 60 nment for which pay $50
per an M He was never closely
exam ca the subject, and a de
lusiou vailed during his life that
a PRIV .4e Of the kind really existed.
Sew ons afterTard attempt-
ed to establish themselves IN the same
liH65 DuL aOH6 WIS 30 SUCCESSFUL as
Joseph Paisley. who secured by far
the greatest run of business in def
ance of every opposition. It wasthis
person who obtained the appellation
of the Old Blacksmith, probably on
account of the NEUROLOGICAL conceit
of Vulcan being employed in rivetlng
the hymeneal chains.
Paisley was first smuggler, then
a tobacconist, but never at any time
blacksmith. He commenced his
mock pontifical career about 1889.
For many years he was careful not to
be publicly seen on such occasions,
but stole through bypaths to the
house where he was called to offici-
ate, and he there gave certificate,
miserably written and the orthogra-
ply almost unintelhgible, with a
feigned signature.
Through an important trial, arising
out of his marriages, he was forced
to declare himself, and afterward
wore canonicals with the dignity of
a bishop. -Sala's journal.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
HeHnd aood Encn.e.

A strange excuse was presented to
Judge Gordon in behalf of a man
who was summoned as a juror. A
relative informed the court that the
person In question was not in a con-
dition to perform the duty required
of him by the commonwealth. The
judge asked what was the matter,
and the absentee's representative re-
piled that he was becoming petrified
Judge Gordon looked petrified him
self for a moment and then said,
emphatically, He is excused Phil
adelphia Inquirer
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
Women Cannot Argue.

Have you ever noticed with what
fiendish glee man listens to an at
tempted argument between two wom-
en2 say attempted" because am
rather inclined to agree with the man
in his opinion that women are wise
by instinct, but foolish by reason.
Men generally have great faith in a
woman's intuition, but little in her
reasoning powers. I believe a man
thoroughly hates the woman who
beats him in an argument, and it is a
wise arrangement of providence that
few are able to accomplish it.-Phila-
delphia Press.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
l1ust Hare Reen Jones.

A prominent gentleman, in speak
ing of the commonness of the proper
names "Jones" and Smith, told this
story:
I once attended camp meeting in
one of the rural districts of Z, :
lucky One day as 1 was walking
from the spring to the camp I met a
strange gentleman who offered me
his hand. q am glad to see you,
Mr.. Jones, eaid he. Il suppose you
are mistaken" said L 81 reckon
not, said my new friend. ST am a
stranger here, but the man who
brought me over here said that every
other man met would be a Jones" "
iswellg"
"Well, the last one was Mr.. Smith. y
-Arkansaw Traveller.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

Thomas Jefferson invented the
modern plow. There were plows, of
course, thousands of years before the
time of the Sage of Monticello, but
he first laid down the mathematical
principles that underlie the construc-
ton of the plow and so enabled any
blacksmith tomake one. A plow con-
sists of two wedges, cutting and
lifting wedge, and jefferson discov-
cred and enunciated the proportions
of each and therelations each bore to
the other Before his day no two
smiths de plows alike. Now they
are ali .ade In accordance with a
mathel ''ical formula = Exchange.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

The Persians are the only people
in the worl that still adhere to the
old custom of bottling tears. In that
country it constitutes an important
part in tue funeral ceremonies per
formed over the dead. Each of the
mourners l. presented with sponge
with which to mop the face and eyes,
and after he burial these are taken
by priest, who squeezes the teas
into bottles. Mourners' tears are be-
Ieved to be the most efficacious rem
edy that can be applied in several
forms of Persian diseases. The Gus
tom of bottling tears is mentioned in
the Bible. See Psalms lvi, st.
Louis Republic.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
AGar,ne of fCatch.

Somebody once twitted John Ora
ham ON the way David Dudley Field
and he were drifting apart-he re-
manning in the harness as criminal
lawyer, while Field was selected by
his state for the exalted duty of cod
flying her laws.
''It is simply game of catch be-
tween Field and myself, he answer
ed. He tries to put up as many bars
as possible, all uniformly strong.
Then go around and try them and
see how many weak places I can
find.
which beats, Mr.. Grahams" he
was asked.
''Oh, / think do in the long run, +"
he responded. Field never succeed
ed in keeping me out as many times
as 1 have succeeded in breaking in. :"
Kate Fields Washington.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

Van Buren, Ark, town of 1000
people, is the greatest strawberry
shipping port In the southwest and
is in the center of the fruit growing
belt of Arkansas, which made the
magnificent fruit display at tho
Worlds fair. The climate In tbs
section Is much like that of southern
California, the country being shcI-
tered on the west and north by noun
tains. It is said that this is the
wealthiest town of its size IN the
southwest Chicago Record.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
ms sEpuLcARAL aclNcH.is
How old sport Missed the correet inter-
probation OF n Tip.

How Old Sport Missed the Correct Inter
probation OF Tip.
lam Isuperstitiousl Not for some
years now, observed the old sport
as he uptilted the glass. Why,
haven't ever told you of that great
tip got once out at ST. Louis. got
up one morning resolved to play the
nags and play them strong. I got
racing card and studied the entries
carefully. I didn't know anything
about pedigrees, for my lay was the
green cloth. / just determined the
game was nothing but guessing the
winner, and wasn't going to allow
anybody TO fool me with any lead
pipe cinches. I'd guess myself.
We'll, sir, walked out on the
street and kept running the names of
those horses through my hand.
Block and block I walked. Every
once in awhile I would look up to
see about where was. Blame me, If
every time I took my latitude, if T
WASH Just passing an undertalzer's
Establishments Finally stopped 10
go back to the hotel, and what do you
suppose was IN the vacant lot ON that
corner9 A tombstone factory. The
matter fastened itself on my mind.
1t haunted me. felt clammy and
blue.
st pulled out the card and read
among the entries, &C. K. Cofin's ch.
g. Old Mortuary.'
'.I saw it. The winner was fore
shadowed. at the track some one
told me TINT Coffin was a Kentucky
horse breeder, but came from Scot
land and had habit of getting as
near as possible to the characters in
Scott's novels in naming his blooded
stock.
"Old Mortuary was a long shot
20 to /. put up my last so on hi~l
and went into the stand to think over
how 1 would spend that 81 900.
1.-THE bell-the scoring they're of
six of them.
'Old Mortuary dropped dead IN the
half mile stretch, and was dead
broke.
''Those gravestones and undertake
er shops were a sepulchral cinch; but,
boys, I didn't interpret them right.
Since then don't play the snow gig
because the sky is gray. New York
Herald.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
wonderfuI yitality or In.ec. Err..

The eggs of insects have greater
vitality than any other life germs
now known. After exposing silk
worm eggs to a temperature of 3S
degrees below the zero of a Fahren-
heit THERMOMETERS for five hours,
SpoIlanzi, the great entomologist, was
surprised to find that they had not
been frozen In the least, and that
their vitality was not In the least inn
paired. On another occasion he treat
ed dozen grasshopper eggs toa tenn
perature of So degrees below zero
without injuring the life germ In the
alightest degree. e.-St. Louis Republic.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
CHOOSING THE RING.
oh, iewelor. show me your daintiest ringl
Have you one that Is fit for my darlil

oh, jewelcr. show me your daintiest rfngl
Have you one that is ht for my darling to
wenr2
A princess Is she, though no Daughter OF king.
And her crown Is the wealth Of her gold
brown hair.
a diamonds Her eyes would outsplendOr its
Too gIariDg and staring by far for my queen.
An opal? Too ficlle. An amethyst2 Mol
Her blue eyes are bluer than any I've seen
A ruby2 Her lips have outwitted us there.
No ruby would match with the red of their
wine.
A ber,-l2 'Tis fair as the seas breast is fair.
But she is still fairer. this darling of mine
A topaz that caught from the sun as It ran
The gold and the glow OF its glitferirg sheen7
II should only be worn by masterfui man,
And shc Is a wonianly woman. my queen.
A pearl2 1t is pure as the sonl in her eyes
And fair as the foam OF tic crested waves
curl.
tits heaven'soyvn type of the peace above price.
I'll wed my white lily Of love with a pearl.
-Marjorie Moore.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

She was refined little woman and
never used a rough word or dropped
into the fashionable habit of feminine
light swearing, SO it was particularly
funny when she said: IF l am dis
turbed, sewing is a greatrelief. When
I am sad. can conquer myself best
by hemming. and when am angry I
just darn. Newport News.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

The Ketworth chestnut, near Glou-
cester. England, was boundary tree
in King Stephens reign and is spoken
of as an old tree in the annals of King
Johns reign. It measures So feet in
circumference.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
aIassaehusetts Rhrmed.

Referring to statement in the
Boston Globe that there is no rhyme
for Massachusetts, and the effort of q
Massachusetts man to show that
there is. a correspondent submits a
rhyme which he thinks wholly be-
youd criticism. 1t is as follows:
A man named Heath
Has of false teeth
Just got him two brand new sets.
Now, Tribune, dear,
Pray hnd just hero
Arhyme TO Massachusetts,.
New York Tribune.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

The badge of the followers of the
house of Orange is the orange lily,
and an Ulster man is as proud of this
flower on the anniversary of the bat
tie of the Boyne, even now, as were
the followers of Dutch Billy of their
champion 200 years ago.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

The yew at tAnkernyke House, near
Staines, is believed to be over /, 900
years old Beneath it was signed
the Magma Charta, the keystone of
English liberty, and beneath this
same tree Henry VIII and Anne Bo-
ly.n had their trysting place.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
Acon.iderate Hn.l,and.

Mr.. Clubman.You are making a
great mistake IN sitting up until
come home from the club.
Mrs. Clubman-Do you think so7
Mr.. Clubman-Yes. You ought TO
go to sleep earlier. DIR. Edison, IN
his pamphlet, says that women need
more sleep than men.-Texas Sift-
ings
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
Mr.. Beunett,s RepIx.

Some years ago New York syn
dicate cabled message to Mr.. BEN
nett asking the lowest price Of The
Herald. his reply was, Three cents
daily, 5 cents on Sunday. Home
and Country.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
RuIInrPa..io,

Dying Woman to Indian who has
just scalped her)-For heavens sale
do not leave me until you have an
swered one question:
ndian-Ughi What want7
Dying Woman faintly Isis nv
wound on straight lI4allo.-
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

If you wish to be considered well
bred, you will never try to remove a
tight glove before shaking hands,
nor will you ask any one to excuse
your glove.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

"Georgelr r. exclaimed Mrs. Fangle.
Don't bother me, !" replied Fangle.
"I'm reading AN absorbing article"
What is it aboutT"
"sponges London Tit-Bits.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
The Settlement.

'I just saw two Irishmen having a
difference as to the respective shapes
of their heads"
"How did they settle it9"
They agreed to split the difference
and were taken to the hospital. ~
Halo.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
In the sixteenfb and eavantaan1

In the sixteenth and seventeenth
centuries various sculptors in ivory
were engaged In carving portions of
tusks with classical and other sub
jects, whichwere after,yard mounted
in silver and silver gilt by some of
the finest Augsberg and Nuremberg
workers anC formed vases and tank
ards. In the eighteenth century va
rious carvings in ivory were made,
chiefly of statnettes and small
plaques, butnone attains to the excel
lence of the earlier carvings. In
modern times the ivory carvings of
India have become noted for their
minute and delicate work Cham
bers' journal.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

The Emperor HadrianS, when dy-
ing, comp ,sed that beautiful address
to his soul which Pope translated into
English.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13

Mr.. slowone-''M Man propcses"lIet
me see, what's the restl
Alice Oh, but that's slander, 1
assure you. If he only would New
York World.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1894-06-13
QUE WoRK THE BEsE.
OHIO CENTRAL LINES.

OA4O O4A L Nall LIN hOs
LOCAL TINE CARD.
Central Standard Time. In eT.ctt
Sunday, May 9th, 1894.
NORTH BOUND.
No. 1 arrives s s5 a. m.-(Flyer.)
8. 1 arrives 81 p. IN. (Niail 4 TX.
I" Is arrives 80 p. m (Acc.m)
' 6l leaves 80 a. m. (Accon)
SOUTH BOUND.
No. arrives % p. nj. (Flyer.)
81 10 arrives 2 90 p. M. (AIail & Ex.
" is arrives 6 45 a. IN. (Accom)
" 60 arrives 6 40 a. In. (Accom.
Trains No. l and . run solid between
Charleston and Toledo, with new Pull
man Drawing Room Chair Car, both
ways. Trains Nos. 10 and IL run solid
between Columbus. Ohio. and GauIey
Bridge. Trains No. IA and l6 run be-
tween Point Pleasant and Gauley Bridge
and trains Nos. go and 81 run between
Point Pleasant and Gallipolis, o. For
maps, rates. &c, and through tickets to
all points, call on
II. B. ASBURY, AGENT,
Children Cry for
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-05-10
DON'T Y0H THINK 500

The men of 1776, who laid the
foundation of this republic, framed
the constitution and gave us our first
laws, did so having in view the idea
that the coming population would
inherit their ideas of human liberty
and rights, and all their action for
their present and our future were
bullded on this theory and for many
happy years this was the case. Po-
lltical differences were of an honest
nature and mainly confined rs to meth
DDS, in arriving at the same result
'FThe ways were many, the end was
one. Any man of fifty years can
recall these facts, and to question the
honesty OF great political leader, in
a pecuniary way, would have been
looked upon by all as an atrocitv
Think of such men as Cass. CLAW
Benton, Webster and so many others
Think of the spirit of the age then
and now! The old were patriotic
from an honest impulse, and their
stories, told at the home Preside
transmitted the holy fire to younger
hearts. That day has gone, and gone
forever No laws were required to
govern such people; they were the
law. But years of reckless leeisIa.
tiony public lands lavshed on corrunt
corporations, and worse vet. thrown
open TO the pauper population of the
earth, regardless of qualification, and
the ballot put into their hands as nm
qualifiedly; steamers landing every
hour in the day, lat some point loaded
down with Migrants deported from
their own country for their country's
good-and in the hands of dema-
gogues these classes have become y
power that now rules instead of beipo
ruled-make the laws that were sufll.
cient for our land fifty years age
obsolete now. The country to b,
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-05-10

governed is an entirely ditfer,,s
All the conditions are changed 81
other things must change 3
them. The Dago mobs in ~
over the east, and the Hungari,, II
Polish rioters, have no idea -
true spirit of our country ana
knowledge of the language; and an
as bad, or worse, the halls 81 "a
capitol are crowded with lobyis,, \
all degrees, representing all ipte,..
from the Nicaragua canal to a br..
factory, one asking for subsidy :,
the other for protection, and a,
willing listeners in the members i.
congratulate themselves on time IN
spent At rare intervals some ma.
ure Of apparent public good is talls,
about-a tub thrown to the pubt
whale. The past administration i,
augurated system derived from :.
necessities and perpetuated for NJ
vate gain. The present adminjstr,
ton, in its treatment of weste,
interests, is no better, if as good an
the affairs of the country are trul
getting no better very fast.
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-05-10
IDLE ARGUMENTS.

All the talk about intrinsic valuas i
all the controversies ON relative yaluo.
of gold and silver, all the arguments
pro and con, are only mists cast he.
fore The eyes of an always gulliN,
people to hide real issues. Silver
was, is, and always will be medium
of exchange in the commerce of the
world. The crusade against it vm
instigated in order to make money for
the class who have the money. The
effect has been so disastrous that the
parents of the scheme are now an
palled at the result, and while it has
no doubt added millions on millions
to the wealth of foreign countries and
American procurers, the sore fact Is
now plain to be seen that ultimate
ruin will sure follow if the present
condition is sustained. The press Of
the country has been in the pay Of
the robbers and able men have made
their pens mercenary-a sample Of
wholesale literary prostitution unpar-
alleledl But if there were as many
more, all in the same service, the,
could not answer the living spectacl,
of millions of men out of food ant
out of work, and any day may Sc
these clamoring rocks turn into de
vourng eagles. Arguments are bosl
and out of date, "For when dispute
are wearied out, 'Tis interest tina
resolves the doubt. "
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-05-10
GIZZARDS AND GAL00TS.

m, c.;.o SATURDAY. Rlade con-
nc Nni0"S0
toins the following bit OF lnforma-
lloh'
Judge Tuthll, of Chicago is gong 10
let few friends in on new scheme OF
his entitled the Idaho Wild-goose Glzzard
Mining company 1t was suggested by
an incident which happened while the
indge was out inspecting his prune farm
along the shores of the majestic Snake
river, Ii was away up in the corner OF
the new state where everything would
grow if it would occasionally rain and not
snow deeper than sixty ieet IN lhe aVerase
I nov those NEXT him would expect him
to bring back some easy road TO riches,
kin o Geese for their gizzards, not for pate
de fois gras' but to secure ire, Ihe na'1 had
nroof Of the value of the enterprise, all
resulting from startling ana peculiar
minor who admired Judge Tuthill
and who comprised the only mhaoitan'
tooi, down HE trnstv gun and from the
back platform of the depot Banged a
the bodv dressed and then came the giz-
card. 1t was opened and It showed us
n mr. Gravel The bright undigested
stones appealed TO the curiosity OF tne
mans u The Judge watched the process
and when the last dish was reached ,
ih HEM IUdrs proves it by showing the bottle
vas in. Headquarters of the company
"', r, ~ ~ $3.50 80 =, ...;oh .o rh;oaao
. -. .u ..o IT, Ill ID;
s.. .,4 - .o.o,,,aoa :. ., :.
o,. .,,,,a,,o, Nooa ,,o44o,
=, - -, ;;
-.u out. III.
-, -.
on -,
=,
The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1894-05-10

Ia the Salt Lake Tribune, Governor
Mcdonnell says The present impov-
erishment OF the West is largely due
TO TIE fact that we buy nearly every
thing we use in the East or in Europe. "
1t is our honest belief that it is to
an exhorbitant tariff that we owe the
condition complained of by the Gov
enlor. As long as the manufacturers
can loll among the rich luxuries of
the east and still sell us goods, they
are not going to leave them TO move
their plants among Us. If foreign
goods were let in at lower figures the
eastern manufacturer would be forced
70 move to the west, where be gets
his raw matirial and sells his goods,
10 stand off competitor.