Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1894-10-24
BOOK OF GROVER.
BA HEzEKIAH, THE SCRIBE.
CHAPTER I.


they listeth not to the locality where
they abideth.
For behold, in the beginning they
girded up their loins and went before
the people, crying with loud voice,
verify, we say unto all men that we
are Groyerites from the exceeding far
back, and woe unto ye who forget it.
And verify; we hold in exceeding
great detestation that which the child
rem OF men call the tariff, for is it not
thing fashioned by our enemies, the
| same that hath licked the everlasting
stffiung out of US from generation to
generationp no y.., ..
Yea, verify, this same little protective
tariff, 1t buildsth furnaces in the val
ley and smokestacks on the mountain
top; it turneth the desert to blossom
like unto green bay tree. .. ....
Wherefor do we of the tribe OF Gro
yer, the great, despise the same as a
curse and an abomination in the sight
of men. z r........,...i..,.,J .....'..
Yea, as stencil that offendeth our
nostrils. the same which we smelleth
afar off. .... ....r..... - ....
And behold, in the great and terri
BILE day of the ballot, when the armies
of voters be gathered together, shall we
arise in our might and smite our enc
mics into mincemeat. a. .,+
Yea, we shall lay them out cold on a
platform of free trade, and cover them
over with planks of tariff reform.
And our enemies shall be scattered
like unto the leaves of the forest, for
Grover shall rend them into fragments
like unto potters vessel, the which
hath been smitten by the flipper of the
youth, and then shall the end come.
For in that day shall our banner be
planted on the outer wall of the great
citadel Of the nation, and we shall bow
down unto Grover, our deliverer, who
shall henceforth be known as our Sa-
vior on Mount Blizzard.
And he shall reign for four years, and
shall shower good things and fat offices
and special messages and free raw ma
terials upon US in rich abundance for.
ever,
And the black smoke of industry
shall no longer obstruct the MONDAY
sun, and the farmer shall wear pants
woven in foreign parts,and socks from
the isles of the sea. 60.
And it is even 80. And after the
space of time, Grover, who was a
mighty officer, girded up his loins and
his chattles, and his cabinet, and went
up and pitched his tent over against
the capitol, whichIis in the land of
Columbia, and the band played, "be-
hold, the cat hath come back"
Ip b. .r CHAPTER IL. .'...... is
Now, when Grover was crowned king
of the nation, it came to pass that he
was puffed upin the pride of his heart
and his other viscera, inasmuch as bis
raiinent became several ecubits too
small to contain his joblots. see eal
And he shook himself by the hand,
which is after the manner of his tribe,
and spake unto himself, saying, ha,
ha. e.a.
Behold am monach of all can
get. Four more years of Grover; four
more years in clover. o, America,
America, how often would have gath
cred you under my wings, but ye would
not. .'H 'ite f~ s5a.
But now l have ye on the hip, and
ye are confronted with condition, not
a theory, for behold, will rule OF
ruin ye. el .t...a rs.saaf
Yea, verify to commence with, will
brandish my great silver sword and all
who believe on ME and do my will shall
be saved, and who dom t shall be broke.
And ! will call my soothsayers to.
gether and they shall tinker at the tar.
if and when they have finished their
tinkering, Mckinley, the father of the
factory, will not recognize the same.
And it shall come to pass that all ye
who hearken unto the sound of my
voice, shall have sewing machines,
from Glasgow at cost and ten off, and
corrugated copper caskets from the
ends of the earth. 't
And when Grover had spoke these
words he crew thrice and the people
went outsand wept bitterly.
n CHAPTER III. % .,
! And after the space of time it came
to pass that when the shepherds took
of the firstlings of their flock and
sheared them and went up to the city
to exchange their fieeces for pieces Of
silver, the wise men of the city said un.
to them: ' h3
| mot this season. Some other sea-
son. Yea, Grover is great. He is all
wool and yard wide, but the slumf
in wool is several cubits wider"
| And the shepherds marveled exceed
ingly, and come Of them, yea even they
which had hearkened unto the voice Of
Grover, smote their breasts and weAi
up and down with bent heads crying tc
one another, Behold If thou kick me
will even do SO to thee" sn
| And when the diggers of the earth
went up with their. silver and lead and
precious stones and said to the money
changers: "Give us food that we NAV