Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-07-11
HUSBANDS AND WIVES.
An Experience Related at the Meetina
OF tine Married BacheIorx' Club.

From the Cincinnati Commercial Gazette
Several members of the Married Bache-
lors' Club were somewhat late in putting
IN their appearance at the ST Nicholas last
evening, and the poached eggs in the con-
somme were evolGtionizing into sprtnx
cAlckens as the president Montague Moun-
tauburnl arose end requested Mr. Gilbert
AcM.liSn TO ask a blessing Ii is a rule OF
the club that no conversation can be in
dulseS IN until the cigars are handed
round OF course. the members can CON-
verse on trifilng matters. but 10 discussion
can be RAD until the appearance Of the
weeds. Charley Clifton stated thar the re-
naming hours OF the night woull be do.
voted 10 the narration OF married mems
excuses for remaining down town after
pm. excepting in case OF death or sun
stroke He Was Of the opinion that the ex-
perleaces Of many would be extremely en-
tightening to the few. aud especially to
those who rad only hsd the matrimonial
Moose around their necks 70: a limited
period. lie also wished TO saw that tha
truth must be strictly adhered TO Fairy
tales and exaggcraticns DoCl1 be fined ac-
cording TO the stretch Of imagination pur-
sued.
Strict secrecy must be observed. for unles.
this is carried out - The letter. the benefit
OF their enlightened conversation would be
as sounding brass and linking cymbals
Mr; Madison Pike remarked that Re hoped
10 i've TO See the day when a married man
could leave his fireside Of an evening with
out having 10 concoct vocabulary OF ua-
truths. Before he was married HIS lips
had never uttered falseECod (sensaticn),
bat lately he had become a regular double
action, self-oiling. automatic Ananias and
Sapphira rolled into one An occasional
scolding is. perhaps. justIia5le and heaIth-
full, but history informs US that IL never
does boiler any good to blow il Up.
Rather Have the Sister
When the minister who officiated at his
matrimonial funeral had asked him IL he
was willing 10 take the young lady for his
welded wife he had said. Yes I'm willing:
but I'd rather have had her sister" How
ever. the performance was carried out but
his neutrality-suspicious. had often been
thrown in his teeth, as IL were and when
his sister-in-law called he was locked in
the china closet until her visit had come
TO a conclusion.
You will have TO stick more to the SUBJ
tect for discussion" Interrupted Mr. Mount
auburn. This club was not organized to
hear the troubles Of its members exactly.
If you have any domestic differences YOU
will md Chief Deitsch at his Office from
until G."
Il stand corrected. Mr. President" re-
piled Mr.. Pike. What / was going TO say
when you courteoUsly interrupted me
was that when i arrived home from our
last enjoyable meeting my wife was sitting
on the porch. and the rocking chair on
which she sat was floating In a miniature
puddle of tears. Her eyes Were nearly as
red as my face, and. TO make matters
worse, i fell over the carcass OF an orange,
which caused heart failure, and / should
certainly have died there and then had not
a passing policeman grasped the situation.
at the same time graspinE me by my COLI
lar and dress trousers. and. as he whisiled
Lead, Kindly Light he adjusted his
lantern and carried me. in a habeas corpus
fashion. into the spare bed room. My wife,
still weeping, helped TO undress me. and
when she saw the bruse caused by my
fol cEa "a n hrrr. ~. y
told her l must have been, for my stomach
had struck for higher wages. pni was
threatening to go out every moment. She
advised me to try the hot water cure. but
by that time il was not necessary. The
bird had flown, and the cage lay empty
and lonesome, breathing spasmodically and
indulging i'm an occasional hiccough ere 10
breathed its last.
Ii Didn't soothe.
.'Sleep. gentle Steep. soon came to my re-
lief, but the next morning dawned. and my
head suffered terribly from the elects Of
that fall. My wife. who was sitting by
my side. asked I'm 4 more contr.ilto voice
than usual Where were YOU last night
dearie" Now. when a womans calls me
'dearie' IL unnerves me for the time being
and il took me nearly three sec, nds before
/ could say, 1 left the Office at $3.50 sharp.
and went to a drug store 10 get some
orange phosphate. When this was drained
TO the dregs. / fell in swoon against the
soap case. II seems the clerk had been
mixing a prescription for an intended SUI
eide, and had forgotten to wash the glass
Well, after using few stomach plmus
and washing my mouth with I've (Which ac-
counts for my coated tongue this morningl.
they took me TO the police gymnasiu
where the surgeon told me TO rest quietly
and not disturb the officers at work About
midnight ! took a hack home. but walked
through the park, thinking the exercise
might do me good
Thank heaven. IL wasn't worse"' said
the wife Of my bosom. Never drink phos-
phate again, dear. in hot weather"
Il took silent oath 1 never would.
Everything would have been all right had
not the report OF our dinner appeared in the
Commercial Gazette. Phosphate doesn't 80
at our house now-bCt my wife has gone
and / am boa rding at The Gibson