The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-09-20
Let Us All Laugh.

DON'T forget, then Aun. that
your master is colonel" "Oh, I
adore soldiers, ma'am. It'd Bits.
YoUTH (deiantly)-Mine is no idle
boast. Maid-It isn't like anything
else Of yours, then. Detroit Free
Press.
'DrD you ever go to Bins, the
tailor?" "Yes. Got two suits from
him. One dress suit One law suit.
Very expensive man."
CLERK-"Are you going to dis
charge me, them" Druggist--"Ycs;
| think we can dispense without
you. Harvard Lampoon.
Wow referred to conversation
he had had with two female eat
mutes as al little exercise with the
dumb bellies. philadelphia Record.
WIFE-"Don't you believe the gas
meter Is defective in some way?"
Husband at may be, but I notice
that IL is able TO Oil the bill every
month";
SHE-"You are awfully young to
be called colonel" He-"Well, I
have been in eighteen engagements
and the girl and l fought In every
one. New York News
EAsTERLy-"I suppose the cyclones
you have out here often lift every
thing right off OF a farm" Westerly
-"Er-yes; everything except the
mortgage. Buffalo Courier
SMITH TH-JoNEs-"How do you man.
age to keep up your mental energy so
well?" Smith h-Brown-"My wife gives
me piece OF her mind every morn
Ing before / start TO work. Harlem
Life.
ToMMY-"Paw, heard a man say
that Mr. Bats was a self-made man.
What is a self-madc mani" Mr..
Tinkle-"A man who knows how to
buy dollars worth of work fer so
cents"
LOVE in n cottage is becoming a
board Of health affair. Although
bread has thus far been exempt,
diphtheria bacilli have been found in
the cheese and kisses philadelphia
Ledger.
STILLINGFLEET-"Wh would you
do with tailor who never has your
! biouotlo upuC az Ouc Uiillc uc COu-
tracted to deliver them?" Wien
biddle-"Sue MIN for breeches OF
promise.
THE sarcastic girl always says lots
OF brilliant things In the course OF
her career, but she doesn't usually
get married as young as the majority
OF her high school classmates do
Somerville Journal.
MRS. SKELETON BANG-"What new
dishes have you had since you have
your new cook?" Mrs. Tinkle-"A
whole new dinner set and several ex-
ira pieces besides, and she's only
been here a week.
NURsE-"Luke at the awkward
little rascal! Tryin' to put his tath.
in ring in his eve" Fond Mother
at is not awkwardness at all, Mary
Jane; it is instinct. He takes it for
a monocle e"-Indianapolis Journal.
"KRAUsE will have it that he made
speech Of two hours duration at
the meeting, but see it only takes
up the space of half a column in the
papers "Ah; but, you know,
Krause stammers. - -Humoristicher
Blaetter.
STUDIoUs BoY-"What is the mean.
ing OF market value and intrinsic
vaue?'" Father-"The market val.
ue is the price you pay for a thing;
intrinsic value is what you get when
you sell it To second-dealer. It'd
Bits.
AMY remember your friend
Glare married Mr.. Nicotine so as to
reform him. He was such an ntem-
perate smoker How did she sue
ceed?' Joe-"Perfectly. He gave up
tobacco entirely-and took to drink"
-Arkansaw Traveller
"HoT" he exclaimed, well, I
should say so. And the least exer-
tion wears me all out" And while
his wife toted crying baby around
he wandered downtown and walked
eight miles and forty two laps around
a billiard table. Minneapolis Jour-
nal.
WHEN young man returns from
picnic and says he had a good time,
after rowing boats and pulling lilies
for summer girls, and eating lunch In
a pasture with the bugs, 1t is just as
much lie as though he said he
caught three hundred fish or killed a
bear. r.-Atchison Globe.
GLAssEATER-An wots de trouble
now? Manager - De two.headed
mans more bodder den he's wort.
came around tonight wild de weeks
salary, an de right head said 1t was
his turn ter get de swag; den up pops
de left an calls de right head a liar;
an dere scrappin' yet!-Syracuse