Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-01-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A good dressing dowu-Swan's
You usually love people because youI
do not know them. -Atchison Globe.
A tree seems moro polite in winter
because you can see its boughs. ia
zette.
The best "quarter- back'-The one
returned by the man to whom you
lent it.-Chicago Record.
Jagson says hot water will dissolvet
almost everything, including bust
ness firm. .-Elmira Gazette.
Stranger-"Who owns this store?',
Officeboy-''T ''The boss says | do, but Y
don't Detroit Free Press
asked gay chrysanthemum
What made her flourish so
She answered. looking frolicsomei Il
~ get such lots of shown'
Jones' E'Does Daubre paint for a
living?" Wright-'I should say not,
to Judge by his pictures. New York;
Times.
''No," she exclaimed with emotion,l
81 can never forgive you, but-but--
/ will try to forget you. "-Boston
Transcript.
The warlike spirit never dies,
In peace it's present just the same;
When Nations know no enemies
Their youth will brave the football game.
Washington Star.
Mrs. Brown ones-''So he married
YOU after all?' Mrs. BrownSmith--
'sYes, after all [ had, bat he didn't
get it. Truth.
TO borrow money is to borrow
trouble, and some men find it good
deal of trouble to borrow money, too.
---Somerville Journal.
A New Jersey exchange urges the
use of the spring trap in dealing with
thievish tramps. It's snappy artl-
e.-Philadelphia Ledger.
81 have lost my heart, he whispered.
Gazing in her lovely eyes;
But the maiden coldly answered.
'Why don't you ADVERTISE"
Pick Mo Up.
Professor Garner says he can tell
what monkeys say to one another.
But who wants to know that? There
is too much talk of that kind already.
Chicago Tribune.
He-"Was the Suddenlys elope-
ment success?'' She Hardly her
father telegraphed them out West TO
stay where they were and all would be
forgiven. ''-Brooklyn Life.
Police Magistrate Have You ever
seen the prisoner Mt The bar? Wit
ness--''Never, your Honor; but I've
seen him when l strongly suspected
he'd been at it. Tit Bits.
Columbus was considered great
italian because he made an egg stand
on end, but nowadays Italians think
nothing of having peanut stand on
the corner. Buffalo Times. a
There was Il young man in Beilaire.
Who said, ''When was at the faire--'
SO they jumped on his neck
And left him wreck,
With his heels sticking up in the aire.
indianapolis Journal.
'You seem to be a-frayed, OBJ.
served the fat-iron. That's because
I am hard pressed" retorted the
collar, starchily. And the ironing
board got hot under the collar. Chi
cage Tribune.
A fine collection of fossils formed
by her father has been given to Cam.
bridge University tEngland) by Mrs.
Moore of Beardley. Several interest
ing specimens are still at large on this
side. Philadelphia Ledger.
Oficeboy-'' ''I'll get even with the
old snoozer for not letting me off this
afternoon Janitor ''What can you
do?" Officeboy--" Every crank, book
agent and bum that comes will go
straight in. Brooklyn Life.
Crusty Old Your sing
ing, Miss Taylor, is like altar of roses
-" Miss Taylor with gratified
smile)-"Oh, you are too flattering.
Old Gentleman continuingl-'A little
OF it goes long way. = Tit-Bits.
Teacher who can tell me what
useful article we got from the whale?"
Johnny - "Whalebone. Teacher
Right Now, what little boy or girl
knows what we get from the seal?
Tommy Sealing wax. Racket.
'AIr. Smartly, said the professor
in tho astronomy class, chow far
should we let ourselves be guided by
the theories of Copernicus:" 'sAs to
that, replied Nh. Smartly, ~ should
prefer to intrust 50 important de-
cision entirely to you, sir. Chicago
Record.
81 have seed some pretty ignernt
people amung the summer boarders
my wife takes every year" said old
Mr., jason, "but they amt never none
of them up to the young woman thet
wanted to know if apple butter wuz
made from feedin apples TO the cows. +"
indianapolis Journal.