The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-01-16
CURSED By A COLONEL.
Pleasant Scheme of Convivial Fell
low Who Fell Among Thieves.
From the Chicago Herald

He didn't let his weakness interfere with
business. and when he wanted to drink he
banished business entirely.
He enjoyed a spree immensely. and al
ways wanted as many friends with him
as his purse would take care Of But
one time he decided he was paying more
/ for his fun than the fun was worth. He
was spending all the money. Next time
/ he went on a whirl he would go alone.
| So he thought out a beautiful scheme,
and the first time he started he locked
up the Office and began putting his scheme
in operation. He had only $25 with him
| But that was enough if he only paid for
! the liquor which he himself consumed. So
| he called a cabman, and said
Now, am going to get drunk and ]
/ want YOU to take care of me. What will
| you charge for all nightl"
Ten dollars"
Here it is. Now, here is SIS more 1
want you to take care of that, and when
/ ask YOU for money give it to me a half
more than that, and always give me that
! Do you think you understand"
Certainly"
"And can you do it," .......
'Why, sure can do it"
AT times 1 will get ugly, perhaps,
though without meaning you any harm,
| and may abuse you. But YOU must be
| firm and never give me more than half a
| dollar at time. Is it all right}n
Yes, sir, it's all right"
AND so THEY STARTED.
'FThen come in here with me and get
| drink That's right; the horse will take
care of himself. Your wages are going
on right now. Give US two old Hermit
age ryes. Do you like Hermitage Mr.
| Cabman2 MOI Then give the gentle
man what he wants. All! That is
/ could
| Take another2 Yes. All right One
more of the same kind, Mr. Barkeeper.
! Now, cabman, give me half dollar. y
| The cabman gave him half dollar,
and he paid for the liquor. 1t was per-
| feet. The plan was success. So they
started out, and the colonel got into the
cab. He desired to be driven to Conk-
ling's, on the north side And the driver
took him there. They drank, and the
cabman gave up half dollar again.
! Then they went to Mays place. opposite
Lincoln Park. 1t was all right there.
| So they drove down to Curly's, just south
of jackson street.
Got any 'ermitage ryelo asked the
! colonel. little thickly. Give us two
'Ermitage r-hic ryes. Thash right. Here's
| to you. Drink deep. Now give me half
dollar, and I'll pay the gentleman
| The cabman looked at him a moment
without responding and he repeated the
request Still the cabman did not seem
to understand what was wanted.
Give me another half dollar, l tell
you" demanded the colonel.
why should give you a half dol
| lar?n asked the driver
"Whyl Cause it's hic! smine
Gimme!''
No, I won't give you any money. You
| o rdered.."
Come, hurry up said the bartender
III, i
"Gl'me the money" said the colonel, a
! little disturbed, for the barkeeper was
strengthening and a determined man.
Give you nothin', y replied the driver,
| dOggedly. you give me the money to
pay me for drivin' you all over town"
WHAT" replied the colonel
That's what" replied the man.
Didn't pay you $40 to drive me all
night2 And didn't l give you Sl5 more,
and instruct you to give it to me in half
dollars at a time?' The colonel was be-
| ing frightened into degree of sobriety.
mo, youdidn't. Give me my fare. "
HERE THE PLAN WAS A FAILURE.
So the barkeeper fred them out-and
none too gently, either. The colonel got
| in the cab again. Another cabman stFOlled
up. and brushed against the colonel's
Jehu. This second man wore a heavy red
fur coat.
|GlI up, Gnere, commanded the col
onel, land drive me to the Harrison
street station"
And there he was driven. Then he
made the driver go into the room with
him, and he laid his case before the ser
geant. The sergeant asked the cabman
what he had to say.
"Nothin'," said the cabman. ''He is
wrong, that's all You can see for your
self he's full. amt got his money /
amt got So to my name. You can search
me and See."
They searched him, and he didn't have
| quite "a.
The colonel turned helplessly to the SER
| geant.
Its stand of, :" said the officer. "Git
out or I'll have the two of you locked
up"
"Drive me to the office of the chief of
| police" commanded the colonel as he took
his place again in the cab.
'Pll drive you to the detention hospital
If you don't pay me my cab hire, - replied
the man angrily as he climbed up on the
| box. But he did drive to the city build
| ing. ...t
There the colonel told his storya again,
though not to the chief of police, who was
not working night and day then But he
| could get no sort of satisfaction His
story was too wildly improbable And he
went out there and stood for a moment on
LaSalle street, done by cab driver. He
was Inundated, bnt terribly angry. The
driver was willing to drop the matter and
get away. He had done pretty well for
the night. But the colonel stopped him.
Come here" he said. and the master
of men arose within him. you are
thief, and you are going to get the deserts
OF thief before you die. Your horse is
going to go lame, and your cab will be
broken by grip car. You will lose your
license, and the sickness will come upon
you. Are you married MANI"
Yes" The driver was getting little
uncomfortable
And have you children?n
yes" still more nervous
Then in the name of the star-spangled
banner declare your wife shall never
see another well day as long as she lives.
By the portentions authority of the pale
gray moon l curse your children, and
command sores to come out all over their
bodies. In the name of Jehu, son Of
Nimshi, father Of all cab drivers since
the time of Abram, Isaac and Jacob,
curse you in your property, in your body,
in your eating and in your drinking /