Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1894-05-24
WOES OF A MANAGER.
He Calls Upon His Prima Donna on
Her Arrival.

All, Miss Heighsee, pardon my call
ing so informally. But now that you
are the leading prima donna of my
grand opera company, and having Sc
cured you at a vast expense from Lon
don, L thought perhaps there might
be few things which you would like
to change in my arrangements before
the full-dresS rehearsal. Have you any
requests"
No, thank you. You will find me
the most agreeable prima donna you
have ever managed, l assure you. Be
ing a brunette, l prefer blonde tenor,
that's ALL
''Well-er-to tell the truth, the tenor
[ secured at great expense from Paris
last year is dark
ooh, discharge him at once. That
will never dop'
But, madam, let him wear a blonde
wig"
Burr! Never. When [ clasp the
hero to my bosom in the third act |
could never enthuse to the proper pitch
over a wig-ugh! No, sir; you must
ScOur the earth for a real blonde. No
use discussing the subject, a blonde
tenor or | don't sing a note. By the
way, the chorus must be dressed in
radical contrast to me. Please eX
anime my wardrobe, and"
But, my dear madam, 1 have pur
chased $4,000 worth of costumes.
The prevailing color in Act l is blue"
What! When my Felix gown for
that act is green? Never!''
And in the second act l have mauye
Bah! When my Worth mantle for
that act is drab?'
And the third act is red"
Worse and worse! My $4,000
street costume for that act is brown.
Horrors! You must have the entire
wardrobe renewed, Or [ positively will
not go on the stage. What shocking
taste-ugh! Who conducts the or
chestra?
''Signor Piccolomini."
'What! That bald-headed orang-
outang? Excuse me. Never, never
will I sing to a bald-headed leader
It's bad luck, and reminds me too
much of the time when I was an
Alabama chorus fay on 10 shillings
and bus-fare a week. Discharge him
at once-understand? By the way,
how many claques have you hired for
the opening night?"
"Claques? My dear madam, we do
not use them in America"
Don't, Ell? Then you are behind the
times. sir. You must import me 20
at least by cable instantly. What does
an audience know about climaXeS
Nothing. They will be sure to APP
plaud in the wrong place and put me
out. / can coach the claques to ap-
plaud at the right moment. Must have
them. sir; must have them. How large
is my dressing ROOM?
about er-20 feet square"
'HToo small. Fit up a new one for
me. It must be at least 50x1OO. l
must have air, relaxation, elbow-room,
sir. See to that at once, sir Who
painted the scenery?
1.-THE celebrated Monkeyo Slipper
ini-
Ugh! That dauber? Why, l had
him discharged from the Prince OF
Wales theater for incompetency
Bad scenery affects me 50 that can't
sing a note. Repaint the whole
But, madam, I have spent 81,
! 600"
''Then spend some more. Money Is
cheaper than art over here, so they
say. 1t is imperative. AS l said be
! fore, I am the most docile and agree
able prima donna in the world, bu
there are a few little things like this
that [ must insist on. By the way
just leave me your check for $1,000
before you go"
Certainly. Writes out the check.
Anything more?"
well not today. Call tomorrow a
2. I may think up a few more littl
things in the meantime. New Yori