davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
No DIssenting Voice.

I'm a sort of April fool" said the
man with the wart on his nose.
Born the first day of April?" casu-
ally inquired the man with the gray
spot in his mustache.
mo. Married"
Il don't know whether that made
you an April fool or not" said the man
in the macintosh, lighting cigar.
"but whoever picked you up for val
liable package that day got badly April
fooled"
And there was most unanimous
and approving silence all around the
board. Tribune.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Practice and Practices.

They were discussing the fortunes of
the various lawyers of the city recent
ly in one of the ante-rooms of the
courthouse. One in particular was
mentioned.
Il understand he's worth 100000"
said one. 81 wonder if he's made it all
ont of his practice?"
mo. He made it out of his prac-
tees" remarked anothcr-and they all
understood.-In Sentinel.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Everybody Is Interested.

The farmers will be the prir cipal
beneficiaries from road reform, but the
benefits will be extended to all classes
and its effect upon business must be of
the greatest Importance. The move
ment should command the support OF
every citizen, and wherever n man is
found with moss-covered ideas of pro-
gresslon he should oe an especial object
of consideration by his neighbors -
Rochester Democrat and Chronicle.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Very Much In Earnest.

Aunty--Why, what are you doing?
Little Johnny-Only prayin
''Praying?"
"Ycs'm. I'm prayin' that I'll be
good boy this afternoon"
That's noble"
'Ycs'm. Mamma said if was good
boy this afternoon, she'd bring me
some candy."-Good News.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
FARM AND GARDEN.
A TERRIBLE BURDEN.

Poor Roads Are the Heaviest Loads Farm
crs Have to Carry.
There is considera BILE talk in quiet
way among farmers concerning the
roads and the question of lettering
them. They are beginning to realize
that the only time the roads are good
Is in the summer when they are most
engaged with their farm work, or by a
chance freeze up in winter. The times
when they need them the most they
are the worst. In the city where peo-
pie drive for pleasure the roads are al
ways good. The first and most liberal
improvements are put upon the high
ways An investment of this nature
not only serves for pleasure, but COM
mercial profit No business man would
allow for a moment u mud hole or rut
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
HOW TO MAKE A sSowDRop TREE.

piece of fine wire and slightly curve it
at one end. Heat the straight end of
the wire and pierce the center of the
wax flower. while it is in the water.
Having made a hole through the flower
push it to the curved end. Prepare a
dozen wires in the same way and then
join them together in the manner
shown in our illustration. You will
now have beautiful tree of wax
flowers, which will make a pretty and
effective ornament.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Cows Must Have Salt.

Don't let the cows get hungry for
salt They must have it in order to
give milk, for milk contains soda, and
salt (the common name for chloride of
sodium) 10 the material which furnishes
the soda. But for the soda the casein
of milk would be absent. Neutralize
the soda by putting in an acid and see
how soon IL turns TO "clabber." Give
cows daily access To salt.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
sure OF Vengeance.

Papa-Well, Charlie, what would you
like to be when you get TO be a man?
Charlie--A policeman.
Papa-Why do you want to be po-
liceman?
Charlie-I want to arrest Johnny
White some day for stealing my new
ball.-lIarper' Young People.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Very True.

Florence Five-year-old was talking
about the burglars and expressing her
indifference to their depredations.
"They can't get my bracelet, any
how" she said.
"Why not?" asked her mother.
Cause it's lost" she replied, land
what does buggular want of lost
racelet?"-Detroit Free Press.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Urged to Haste.

young officer kneels at the feet OF
beautiful young lady and says, in
most imprisoned tones:
"Mademoiselle, if you mean to say
yes, be quick about it, l beg. / have
only fourteen minutes longer TO re-
main here on my knees. Cavalry prac-
tice commences at twelve sharp. lie
FIGARO
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
A Tender-Uearted Girl.

Mothcr-Are you sure that girl will
make you good wife?
Son-Sure? Absolutely certain. She
is the most kindly, generous, consider
ate, tender-hearted girl / ever met in
my life.
Il am delighted to hear that. How
did you find it out?'
by asking her for kisses. N. Y.
WenlklN
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Literary Item.

Friend-ITow are you succeeding at
literature?
Writer-Very well. Last year made
enough TO pay for postage stamps, and
this year hope to realize enough to
pay for paper and ink.-Texas Siftings.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
She Probably VIII.

She giPgled when he talked 10 her,
She giggled when he stopped;
She giggled when he kissed her first,
She giggled when he popped;
She giggled when the day was set,
She gigglcd when they we'd;
And now he often wonders IL
She'll giggle when he's dead.
kansas City Journal
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
A Popular Remedy.

Doctor" said young Harlem
widow, II suffer dreadfully from head
ache. What do you advise me to do?'
"Get married." replied the Doctor
cynically, land shcn your husband
will have the headache. Texas Sift-
inps
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
a Frugal Man.

Miss Muggles-I don't like DIR. PEN
nysave bit.
Miss Mugges-Why not?
Miss Muggles-You know he was
called in when l was sick and then he
began TO call regularly. After ! re-
fused him he itemizcd each OF those
calls in his bill as professional visits
Chicago Record.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Strange Things Happen.

Mrs. Bingo-You haven't an extra
latch-key have you, my dear?
Bingo (fumbling in his pocllet)-No,
only one. That's very strange.
Mrs. Bingo-What is?
Bingo-Why, last night when came
home / could have sworn that | had
two of them in my hand.-Brooklyn
Life.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Wiilinp to Search.

Mother-Dont you think that a boy
of your size could take the taclls out of
this carpet if he wanted to?
Small Son-I guess SO. Shall take
my sled and go out and see if l can find
one who wants to?-Good News.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23

Not what She Expcctcd.

Jack Ford-Dessie told me that she
would never marry man who drank
or smoked.
Ed Stillman And couldn't you
shake her resolution?
Jack Ford-No. but I shook her
Rrooklvn Life
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
In the same Goat.

Mendicant--Pity, kind sir! 1 am in
great need of help
Mr.. Su5urbs-So nm I. Been TO every
Intelligence Office in town this morn
irg, and ;an't get help of any kind
Puck
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Serious Headache.

Wife-Oh, have such a fearful pain
in my head.
Husband-Vcry sorry, my dear, you
will have to wait till the first of the
month. can't buy you a new hat till
then.-Alex T. Sweet.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Iie1souaibie.

She-Should you die, are you OPP
posed to my remarrying?
IIe--No.
She-Why not?
He-Why should be solicitous about
the welfare of fellow I'll never know?
Life
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Even I'm italy.

First Fair Neapolitan Clearing her
laundry basket on her head)-Say.
Jeanette.
Second Fair Neapolitan-Well?
First Fair NeapcIitan-Is my basket
on straight?-Chicugo Record,
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Tlme rIics. Something.

Shc-Papa said you must not stay
after eleven o'clock.
Hc-It's nine o'clock now.
She-Mercy We have only two
hours TO say good night.-N.Y. Weekly.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
a Chorus.

Broler-Tm troubled with insomnia
Do you ever lie awake?
Lawyer-Never.
Chorus of Public Opinion-Rf'ts.. d.
Boston Common.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
a SNOWDROP TREE.
How TO Make IA Novel and Pretty Decorn-
ton for the Table.

BY means of the following device
you can make very pretty and novel
decoration for the table. Incline a
wax candle over a glass of water. Az
each drop of melted wax falls into the
water it instantly takes the form of q
white cup, somewhat resembling the
flower of the snowdrop. These cups
you can vary in size according to the
inclination of the candle. Now take a
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Not Tsa, Kind OF a Young Man.

Maude-What did young Fitznoodlc
do when you rejected him; did he get
down on his knees?
Ethcl-No, he went off on his car
Truth.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Reflected Glory.

I'm no musician like my wife,
And yet this seems a riddle,
For ever since our married life
I've played the second fiddle.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Her Present.

"Well, what did your wife give you
for your birthday?"
"Why, it was a-er-let me see,
very fne-ah-dear me! / can't re-
member just what it is but know it is
very becoming to her. "-Washington
Star
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
All by Himself.

Johnny, do behave"
"Pa said | needn't"
"What?"
Eyes, he did. He just sent me up
here. He said: If you can't behave
yourself, go upstairs 50 l came."-
Harper'S.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23

BrrTED must please the eye. Speak
ing for ourselves, and we are like other
people, we would not buy white butter.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
Didn't Dare Take 1t.

Caterson Sunday morning)-Don't
give me any coffee this morning, my
dear!
Mrs. Caterson-Why, l never knew
you to refuse coffee before!
Caterson-Well. am going to church,
and / am afraid it might keep me
awake.-Puck.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23

Weary Willis-Madam, / crave your
mercy; I'm hungry enough TO eat a
dog.
Madam-All right. I'll just unchain
him.-Judge.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
a SOCIAL COMPLICATION.

"Now, Ethel dear, the doctor is
downstairs. l want you TO see him"
"Oh, mamma! I'm not we'll enough
TO see him. "-Harper's Magazine.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
No Eacapc for Him.

Kichard-That young WIDOW Is q
charming woman.
Howard don't think so.
Richard-Well, my dear fellow, it's
high time for you to think so. She
told me she was going to marry YOU
rrnfh
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
TEMPORARY MENDiNG.

How to Repair Break In Greenhouse or
Elsewhere.
find two large metal buttons and a
bit of copper wire an efficient means of
temporarily mending break in green
house or elsewhere, provided that none
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23

Teacher-Do you understand the
meaning of the word remorse?
Bad Boy-Ycs'n.
Define it,
Its bein' sorry you forgot to put
your e ography in your pants. Good
News.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1894-02-23
WOMAN AND HOME.
"BELLS ON HER TOES.

And Milady Makes Music Wherever She
Goes-A New rad Affected by Gotham's
Society Girls-Swcet. Silvery Chimes on
hall slippers-sleighbeiiso on the Instep.
The latest fashion, which enables n
woman 10 make noise in the world,
is the wearing of bells.
At a recent dance of the younger set,
given at Sherry's, New York, one of
the many debutantes attracted more
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
Shorter Paragraphs

Common Councilman Robinson at
tended the meeting of the lower branch
of the city government last evening,
and was warmly greeted by his col
leagues.
O. l.. Helriegel was rendered a sur
prise party last evening, the occasion
being his fftieth birthday. 1t was a
memorable event and will be long re-
membered.
Councilmen who are themselves
seeking reelection will find il rather
an expensive pastime to interfere in
the ward fights of their colleagues.
Miss Julia Kelly has not lost her
sight, as at first expected. Yesterday
she was able to discern objects that
were held before her
NJ. ]. Coyne, the well known ANA
teur comedian, will impersonate the
part Of u policeman in Escape from
Libby" The lines not being satisfac-
tory Mr.. Coyne will revise them.
Miss Maggie Cawley, OF Irving ave-
nue., was married to Mr.. Burke, Of
Dunmore, at st. Peters cathedral last
evening.
Dennis Grimes, Of Ashland, Neb., is
the guest Of Roger Grimes, of Stone
avenue
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
THE coRWlN'S ISOLATION.
It Gives Color to the Belief That Willis
Ordered 1t.


Ordered 1t.
Editor Of TIE TRIBUNE:
Sir: Many conjecturss have been
published % TO the reason for the ac-
tion of the captain of the cutter Cor
win. in 30 mysteriously remaining iso.
lated in San Francisco harbor, but
have seen none which seems consistent
with the facts which have been given
out.
When the Corwin arrived lieuten-
ant was sent ashore with Willis dis
patches in cypher, to he tOlegraphed to
Washington. He went directly to the
captains home and informed his wife
that her husband was well, but could
not land until Thursday. Secretary
Gresham is reported to have stated last
Monday that neither the president nor
any Of the officials in Washington had
given any orders to the Corwin to thus
remain isolated, and they could not
nave delivered such orders before the
lieutenant was put off with the cyphsr
dispatches.
The rational conclusion in harmony
with these facts is that as Willis prin.
cipal statement was sent in writing to
be sent by mail from San Francisco,
and that he knew it would require sew
sral days in transit, he gave directions
to the captain to remain isolated until
sufficient time had elapsed to have his
mail reach Washington. 80 as to pre-
vent erroneous or undesirable state
ments being obtained from those on
board and telegraphed to Washington
in advance of his communication 1t
seems to me that you would be justifiq d
in editorially assuming such to be the
fact. Very respectfully yours,
JOHN ToRREY.
Honesdale, Jan. 10.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
Short Items of News

The Bardic society of the West Side
would like to know who is "Glan Car.
mant" who has a fine ode in this week 8
issue Of the "Drych," one of the lead.
ing Welsh journals Of this country.
The poem is headed, "a Voice from a
Hospital" and is signed Hyde Park,
Pa. Answer through these columns,
A stereoptieon lecture will be given
in the First Welsh Congregational
church on Monday evening by Rev. D..
w. Skellinger, pastor of the Wa5hburn
Street Presbyterian church. The sub.
jeGt will be "Tbe Journeys Of Christ
Through Palestine" and will be very
interesting.
A pleasant social was held last even
ing in Msars hall by Keystone lodge.
No. 81, Loyal Knights of America. An
enjoyable time was had by all who at
tendsd, music being furnished by Pro
fessor johnson. The committee in
charge was G. F. Keller and Isaac
Harris.
DR.. A. A. Lindabury, Of South Main
avenue. is i'll.
A class for the instruction of vocal
music has been organized at the Jack
son Street Baptist chnrch under the
leadership of William b. Owen.
A special meeting of the Ancient
Order Knights Of the Mystic Chain,
will be held on Tuesday evening at the
lodge rooms. Matters of great i'm.
portance will be discussed.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
The Thief Captured.

Japsko Figula, an Hungarian, was
arrested yesterday afternoon by Con-
stable Burschell He is charged by
Arthur Heal. proprietor Of the Peo-
Piles Dry Goods store on South Main
avenue, with stealing a comfortable
from in front of the store. The thief
was seen in the act by r. J. Hughes, a
merchant across the street, who gave
the alarm. The Hungarian dropped
the goods and ran, but was soon cap.
tured and taken before Alderman Dram
for a hearing. He admitted his guilt
and was committed to the county Jail
in default of $500 bail. Mr. Heal has
had his goods stolen on several occa-
sions, as was stated in Tuesdays issue
of THE TRIBUNE.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
Personal.

Richard Gallagher, of Olyphant, tcalled
on North End friends yesterday.
George Atherton aud sister, of the North
End, spent Wednesday in Olyphant.
Mrs. Albert A. Bellwood, nee Miss Alta
lanta Bonney, Of Virginia, is visiting Mrs.
L. A. Watres.
W. K. Richart Of North Main avenue
left last evening for Philadelphia and Viii.
mington, Del.
Mr.. and Mrs Connell, iof Wilkes Barre,
returned home yesterday after a visit with
Park Place friends.
John Tigue, of West Market street, Prov
idence, has returned from Youngstown, o.,
where he has been for some time past.
Mrs. NJ. E. Hoban, of Pawnee street,
North End, who had been visiting friends
in Philadelphia, returned home yesterday.
Rev. Mr.. Judd, Of Omaha, Neb., is visit
ing Park Plack friends. He was formerly
pastor Of the Park Place Methodist Epis-
copal church.
Mrs. NJ. A. Bailey and son Aubrey, of
New York street, returned yesterday,
after spending ten davs with friends in
New York city.
Rev. D. D. Phillips, of North Hyde Park
avenue, will occupy the pulpit Of the
Welsh Calvinistic Methodist church at
Olyphant on Sunday.
Moses A. Morey, of this city, was ap-
pointed member of the executive board
Of the Master House Painters and Deco
rators association at the state convention
held at York yesterday.
The Pennsylvania Lumbsrmen's Protec-
tive association, at Lancaster Wednesday,
elected T. j. Snowden, of this city, vice
president. 1t was decided to hold the
semi-annual meeting in Philadelphia in
July,
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12

nell's hall Wednesday evening in honor
of John May who is going to enter
Baltimore college Mr.. May intends
studying for the priesthood. and will
enter the order OF Jesuits
M. McMananny, pitcher Of the Eureka
Base Ball team, will be married on Jan.
"a to a popular young lady of this place.
Captain Walls, of Eurekas, will be the
best man
The Marvin, Won Storch and Crack
mines were idle on Tues lay in conse-
quence of the breaking of the column
pipe and bull pump in the Marvin.
Q, Berry, late Of the Sixth United
States cavalry. intends to organize a
bugle corps in the near future Mr.,
Berry must be thoroughly competent,
having served five years as trumpeter
in the Regular army. 1t was he who
performed the solemn duty of sound
ing Taps" over the famous Indian
fighter, General Crook. also ex-Socre-
tary of War Balknap, and number OF
other distinguished officials
Mrs. Patrick Gallagher, of 170S Brick
avenue, died Wednesday, agei 70 years.
No. 90 school, to the dilapidatad con.
dition of which we have already called
attention, now has 1870 pupils attending
it. The seating capacity is made
quate. Principal Costello had to con
vert the cloak room into a class room,
which can accommodate twenty eight
children, but it is oYercrowded. Miss
| b Norton has charge of this imprO
vised room. Miss Anna Barrett has
forty-four pupils and Mr. Costello
from forty,fivs to fifty. The schoo
and its unfavorable location was con-
demned some time ago as being un-
healthy by reason OF its unsanitary
condition and improper ventilation.
The population of the district in which
No. 90 is situated has increased 90 per
cent. since the school was built, and it
seems time to replace sntlquated q
with more cpmmodious and slightly
| nublic school
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
notes OF south Side
Happenings Of Day That Will Interest
Many Tribune Readers.
BREEZY POLITICAL POINTERS
District Officers Nominated by Demo-
Gratis in the Nineteenth Ward-Re-
publicans to Caucus Next Wednes-
day Evening-Ferdinand Schmidtt's S
Condition-H. j. Butler Injured.
Shorter Paragraphs.

The Democrats of the First, Second
and Third districts of tho Nineteenth
ward caucused Wednesday evening,
with the following result: First dis
trict. judge, Martin May; inspector, M.
J.Ryan; register. Henry Heinz. Second
district. judge, Conrad Bellarsheimer
inspector, Martin Woyshner; register,
Martin Biglin. Third district, judge,
Hugh Caffery; inspector. Patrick Mul
laney register, William Eden. At all
caucuses the hearty support of the vot-
ers was pledged to H. Notz and p. J..
Hickey, candidates for school control
Ter and common councilman. The
Fourth district caucus will be held
this evening.
The Republicans Of the Nineteenth
ward will caucus at Workingmen's
hall next Wednesday evening The
intention is to name ward ticket,
supplemented with exceedingly strong
candidates in the various districts to
attempt to defeat the nominees of their
Democratic brethren.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
NORTH END.

At a meeting Of the Temperance
Christian union, officers for the snsu-
ing year were elected as follows: Prssi
dent, Fred Hartzell; vice president,
Charles r. Hopewell; secretary, Charles
w. Connolly; treasurer, Charles Con
stantino; sergeant.at-arms, Thomas
Evans; general manager. Louis Kline,
Holy Rosary church was filled to
overho wing Wednesday evening to wit.
ness the marriage of John I. Boyce, Of
Chinchilla, and Isabella Healy, of Green
street. Thomas Healy was groomsmau
and Bridget Jordan bridesmaid. Rev,
Father O'Donnell performed the nup-
tial service, after which the party
drove to the home of the bride to re-
ceive the congratulations Of numerous
friends.
Miss B. Hawley, of Pittstou, is visit.
ing Mr.. and Mrs. John Mullens, Of
West Market street.
Michael Ford. of the Leggot's creek,
was struck bv coal train at the Oily
phant depot as he was alighting from
a passenger train. The engine struck
him on the forehead. inficting an ugly
scalp wound.
A farewell social was held In ODon.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
"a Study in Scarlet"
Tho Leader,


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covers every department Of knowledge
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The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1894-01-12
rhnmns-Jnmss Nupti els.

A pretty wedding was solemnized
last evening at the home of Mr.. and
Mrs, John James. of South Rebecca
avenue, at s O'Clock. The contracting
parties were John Thomas, of Luzerne
street, and Miss Lizzie James, daugh-
ter of Mr.. aud Mrs James, The cere'
mony was performed in the parlor by
Rev, j. Collins, pastor of the Scranton
Street Baptist church, only the i'm
mediate friends and relatives being
present After the ceremony congrat-
ulstions followed and a choice repast
WAS served The evening was enjoy
ably spent and at a seasonable hour
the guests departed. The young couple
will 60 to housekeeping in their taste
fully furnished home on Jackson street.