Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1894-02-10
THE HEALTHY DRUMMER.
&c Had No Use whatever for Ordinary
Precautions.

no xs40 NO Use Whatever Tor ordinary
Precautions.
"How'm I feeling?" echoed the
drummer as he hung up his overcoat,
changed his hat for a skull-cap and
sat down with his traps occupying
the other half of the seat "Happy
TO state that / haven't felt so well
for three months. Pm just picking
up fat at the rate of three pounds a
week. Excuse me minute, please.
len drops in little water three
times day."
SIS it medicine?"
"Well, hardly. Something the
doctor fixed up to guard against
rheumatism, you know. Some of the
boys carry regular drug store around
with 'em and dose from morning till
nighu, but I'm not built that way.
Trouble with me is Pm too we'll
Beg your pardon, gents, but I came
near forgetting my capsules One
after each meal and another on going
to bed"
'Medicine?" was asked again.
sob, no! No! Just little some
thing to prevent fiatulency, as l be-
lieve the doctors call it. Keeps up
the supply Of gastric juice and aids
digestion. I've known men in my
ne who began dosing and doping
right after breakfast and kept it up
till bedtime, and most of their COM
plants were imaginary at that I
never did believe In making dump
ing ground of my stomach. Let's see!
Did leave that box behind? All |!
Here it is Hold one in the mouth
and let it dissolve gradually"
mo medicine there?"
mot an iota. Simply soda-mints
to take the wind off the stomach. l
didn't want to bring 'em along, but
the doctor insisted. Had to laugh
over the case of that Boston drum
mer who got smashed up on this line
the other day. He had enough bot
ties and boxes about him to start a
country drug store That's the way
with four-ffths of the crowd. They
are not on the road over a year be-
fore they imagine themselves victims
of dozen different disorders and be-
gin to doctor accordingly. For in
stance, I know teller in the hosiery
line who. Excuse me one mo-
ment, gentlemen. Eight drops twice
a day on lump of sugar, and I don't
want to miss it."
"RemedY for anything in particu.
lar?"
Hardly. It's little something
the doctor fixed up for the liver.
Not that I need it all, but the liver
is an organ which is apt to get away
with you If not looked after now and
then. AS was saying, / know fell
Ter in the hosiery line who starts out
of New York withsa regular medicine
chest. Cost him 1872 to outfit 1t, and
has to refill every two weeks. Last
time / saw him he had list OF thir-
ty-two ailments and expected two or
three more next day. I don't want
to misjudge fellowman, but I'd be
willing to bet ten to one that a doc
tor would pronounce him a perfectly
healthy man. And l know a chap in
the hardware line who is still more
of crank. He is-Beg pardon,
gentlemen. Any of you wish nib
ble?"
"It looks looks like root. Doctor
recommend it?"
1T is a root-golden seal, they
call it. No, the doctor didn't ex-
actly recommend it, because / had no
ailment to be cured. It's a great
stomach tonic, you know, and is a
9 God thing to enrich the blood. I
chew a bit about six times a day.
but / really don't need it, of course.
AS was saying about this hardware
chap, he is perfect picture of health,
but he imagines he's a physical
wreck. I saw him throw 200-pound
man over a saloon bar In St Paul one
night, and half an hour later he was
in his room writing a farewell letter
to his wife in Philadelphia He was
dead sure he had spinal meningitis
and couldn't live the night out Ha!
ha! ha! It's enough to make horse
laugh to know what strange fancies
get hold of men. What! By George,
but what a fool I am! No-here it
is. Don't let me interrupt you, gen.
tlemen. I simply happened to no
tice that it was 10 o'clock. Let's
see? From seven to ten drops in a
little water twice day, and on going
to bed if thought necessary"
"You are not taking medicine?"
'.Bless you no! When anything
ailS me I'll go to a doctor and be
treated in a regular rational way.
Our old family physician, who has
made Bright's disease a speciality, in
sisted on my bringing this along. 1
am taking it simply to oblige him.
Don't suppose any Of you ever ran
across fellow in the negligee shirt
line we call Drug Store Jim? He
travels for a New York house, and of
all the internal cranks you ever saw
he caps the climax [ rode with him
from Detroit to Chicago one day last
and during the trip he took
tn rty eight doses of medicine, each
one for different ailment A doctor
told him he was -. Gentlemen,
please excuse me. My liver pad has
slipped down against my electric belt
q nd snrt of urounjed the wire s0 to