The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1894-02-10
PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS.
No Provision for Them I'm Natures
EconOmy-They Cannot Endure.
Scribner's Magazine

Scribner's Magazine.
Mr.. Walter -Besant has been discussing
platonic friendships, and whether or not
they can really be made to work. He
thinks they may, but not between two per-
sons both of whom are young.
1t is well that some one should take
thought about platonic friendships, for Ma
ture, who superintends most things, does
not seem to care very much about them.
1t makes, no difference to her, apparently,
whether they work or not. No great nat
natural IA II" selection shirl9s responpsibiIitpy for
them, and no one dares TO assume that the
fttest of them Will survive. They can
not be left 10 take care of themselves, but
if they exist at all must be constantly un-
der supervision, and subjects of argument
Consider what the essentials of a platonic
friendship are. Are they not that the par
ties to 1t shall be of different sexes, and
that there shall be a considerable degree
of eXclusiveness about their intimacy? Does
anyone doubt that eXcluSiveneSS is essen
tial? Intimacy cannot be intimacy unless
it is more or less exclusive. We can only
live one life at a time. and If we share a
good part of that with any one person
there is so much the less for the rest. If a
friendship is not intimate enough TO be
noticeably exclusive does anyone ever find
1t necessary to explain that it is platonic?
Love between women and men was not
intended for the entertainment OF philoso-
piers, but largely for domestic purposes;
and if platonic love is TO have anything
better than a hazardous and unstable ex-
istence the conditions of it must be such
that 1t may prosper without conflict with
natures more important ends. Thus we
see why platonic friendships between young
people who might marry do not endure.
Such couples get married, and their friend
ship merges into a more durable sentiment.
or else one Of them marries some one else,
| and then ii lapses. AT least II should lapse,
for if 1t does not 1t not only initiates
against peace in n family, but II tends 10
keep the unmarried platonist from going
about his business and finding himself a
| mate, according TO natures design. 1t is
true that here are women, and young wom-
en- at that, who can. contr1ve for a time
to maintain a husband and one or two sim
Infamous platonic intimates. But in such
cases one Of three things happens; either
the wife makes her husband happy and her
~platonic admirers miserable, or she makes
her friends happy and her husband miSera~
hIn. o. she makes them all miser-
able. If by any chance or miracle of talent
she seems to make them all happy. she
makes society miserable because it cannot
see how she does 1t. And when society is
miserable IL talks; until finally II breaks up
the arrangement. She is bound to fail. and
the reason does not lie in any defect in her,
but in the fact that her purpose is contrary
to the economy of nature. which has pro-
vided barely men enough TO so round, and
does not permit q. woman who has a man of
her own to m~onopoliZe other men with i'm
punity. Every maria eable man besides
her husband that any woman absorbs. in
wolves the waste of some other woman's
opportunities. and nature abhors waste with
n prOverbial antipathy.
As for the platonic friendships Of young
married men, they are hardly worth dis
cussine. The measure Of them is simply
the wife's capacity to control her feelings
Ii becomes clear, therefore, that the only
platonic friendships that can be trusted are
those that do not interfere with natures
rIans. Young lads, "hobbledehoys," If they
are not too rich, may cultivate with i'm
punity transitory friendships with women
somewhat older than themselves. Such as
sociations are instructive to the lad and
amuse the lady, without interfering in any
way with her more serious plans. So. also,
there are adult men, who by reason of spe-
| ciol circumstance or eXceDtlOnal ncrcODaI
qualities. gain special privileges of platonic
attachment. 1t is part of the record OF
Chevalier Bayard that he loved dearly and
without concealment another gentlernan's
wife. but ne was irreproachabie and was not
a marrying man, and what was even more
important. he was almost always absent or
Va rlike adventures. so that no one grudgsl
him the occasional solace he found in the
ladv's society. A considerable measure OF
nIatoric affection can be tolerated in almost
any case, il it is only tempered by an ade-
ouote provision of absence.