Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1894-06-29


Plaggeman. who sat about six feet away,
talking with him, was knocked senseless
but recovered.
Pat and Uncle Mac refer to an alleged
mountain howitzer carried by the editor
of this paper with which to repel the as.
saults of the Philistines which the Times
calls "a "A calabre." But the twain need
have no fear. The assaults of such as
they we repel with fine comb.
A statistician estimates that man so
years of age has worked G.500 days, has
slept 5000, has amused himself 4, 900, has
walked $4,000 miles, has been ill 500 days,
has partakcn of SO, 900 meals, eaten 16, 900
pounds of meat and 1000 pounds of fish,
eggs and vegetables. and drank 1000 gal
Ions of fluid.
The Record devil took up stray pup
and bartered him to Joe Mahaney for a
nickel. Then Joe traded said pup to a
band of aborignes who encamped on the
village green, getting in exchange there-
Tor pair of new shoes. Thus doth the
commercial instinct animate the breasts
OF the Billsport youth.
1t is reported to be the same through
out the state where the women voted on
the school election the masculine candi.
dates received most of the ladies' favors
wherever there was n lady candidate in
the field. A large female vote was polled,
show inga growing increase of the women
in their suffrage cause jamestown Alert
Devils Lake Inter Ocean: Mrs. Hans
brough has returned from Washington
She is still quite feeble from the effects
OF her illness of last winter but expects
that the bracipg North Dakota breezes
will act like tonic to her system. She
does not think that the senator will leave
Washington until congress adjourns,
which may be inside of two or three
weeks.
Silas Ryder, the Hampton grass wild
over, is said by a wayfarer who passed
over that way not long ago to be getting
along pretty we'll considsrin' that he
is all alone by himself. He has Matched
about $50 young chlckens--or, rather, bis
hens have--and some of 'em are broiling
size. Mrs Ryder. who has been i'll at
Milford, Illinois, is getting well, and ex-
poets to be home soon.
{Born--Monday, June IS, 1894, to Mr..
and Mrs. Levi Chapman, of Danbury, a
daughter. Mrs. Chapman and the bright
little miss are doing nicely. Aud Levi
he had to absent himself from the Wi.
mona convention to become a member OF
the home convention over which the
young lady prcsides and makes the mem
bers thereof do her bidding without re-
gard for parliamentary rules, and where
no adjournment is in order without hel
sanction.
"Some years ago." says a Georgia ed.
itor, Judge Sirmons was presented with
a pet snake. One day it swallowed an
eight day clock, which could be heard tc
tick and strike until it had run down
Shortly afterward the snake laid one
hundred eggs. On breaking them he
found that each egg contained an open
face Waterbury watch in good running
order. He is now feeding the snake on
two.inch augers. with view to obtain
ing enough cork screws to supply the
Baptist convention, which soon meets ir
Atlanta"
Last Thursday Messrs. Hasper and
Klynstra brought Henry DeBoer from
the Holland settlement. He was vio-
lently insane, and tore up his clothing
broke up chair, and acted otherwise in
disorderly manner. While Mr.. Klynstrt
and Judge Rowerdink were in the jai
with him, he snatched Johns cob pip,
out Of the latter's pocket and threw i
at the judge, hitting him on the nose ane
remarked to Mr.. Klynstra that he didn'
like to see him carrying pipe around
He was taken to jamestown by Sheriff
Mahauey and Mr.. Klynstra. He is Il
years old.
1t is related that once upon a time
certain noted Englishman, having engaged
in battle of repartee with Billingsgas'
fshwoman, drew on his geometry To-
terms of reproach; whereupon, she want
ed to have him arrested for calling hel
vile names. Therefore, as we haven
much space this week to reply to thu
Times assortment of roasts. and dom
remember enough Of geometry to do tn
subject justice, we merely stop the pres
to announce that both young Pat and tn,
old Jalsp-and.salts whom he hooked from
this office are an isosceles triangle, and
hoo.hoe, and parallelopipedon, and
habeas corpus, and metacarpus. and
pons asinorum, and polyhedron, and
delirum tremens, and a parabola of
sub-tangent, and a. But the press mus
start again.
HAIL : INSURANCE
Insure your crops in a reliable com
pany, viz, the st. Paul Fire and Marin,
1nSuranca (1OmDanv Propont. odjuat