Birmingham age-herald., 1894-11-25

gave il shrlll and echolnS scream. 1 do not mind being an invalid, but charita blc societies must not press me to their bosons It hurts
 heard simile the other day that was not half bad, as Matthew Arnold used to say to mo. It was made by. a temperance lecturer, too which makes one wonder where he got it, for man who is strictly temperate has to skir- mish pretty hard for anything of that kind John B. Cough never acquired good story after his reformation, it is said, but had to use over and over the witty things he got while he was a naughty man.
 This temperance man was featuring in Chicago church and paying his re- spects ever and anon to the saloon keeper.
 But, dear friends, " said he, II do not hate the saloon keeper personally. He is man and brother. It is not the personality of the saloon keeper that 1 demur to. I feel opposed to him just as 1 do to the bedbug-because 1 don't like the way he gets his living.'
 Last week ]. J. West of this city stepped into a large and prosperous laundry to talk business or politics with the proprietor and all hands While he was standing around tho counter with the air of one who owns what is ill sight, timid little man with big square market basket with dried gore on the edges, also with a large head of Pefferian whiskers of a rich cherry color and with yarn rayelings in them, step ped up and asked in a little Punch and Judy voice:
 "What will you charge me to wash and do up child's dress?"
 "Well," was the reply, ''I couldn't do it short of 35 cents and make any thing out of it. '"
 ''Bue that's too much, ain't it?' ask ed the other, with a cough.
 "Well, possibly it is, said Colonel West, "but I can't seem to do it for less and make anything out of it. Ton see, just doing one that way 1 don't really compete with the laundry people here who are in the business and handling them by the hundred. always did hate to stop my business to do up child's dress. ''
 MONDAY, P. M.-Temperature two fifths of 1 degree above normal. Pulse regular, but sluggish. Have got all my business arranged, even to terms for shipment home. Ate scraped raw beef for breakfast using rear quarter of Col orado steer, with pepper and salt on same. Acute gastritis seems to be one of the features of disease. I have to eat simple things like raw bullocks and keg oysters.
 Another chemical and microscopic analysis was made yesterday of sputum, showing traces of nicotine and other poisons. Adieu, kind friends, I'm going home. A sweet young novice, who is training for nurse, took my pulse this a. m. Took quite awhile to find it, but I did not murmur or repine. l am try ing to learn to love everybody, for to that bourne to which my chemist says that I am going I should carry with me no enmities, no bitternesses. Ia, ta, vain world, begone-
 An, here comes the other rear breadth of the bullockl Pass me the salt, please, and see that my grave is kept occasion ally squirted on during the dry weather. have left small fund for that pur. pose.
 The life here at the hospital is de- lightful, and while I am fading away it is joy to have loving hands bathing my little hot footies and manicuring my knobby brow.
 The Stockyards' Flower mission paid visit this a. m. and left a big wet caulifower on each breast.
 Ore large porterhouse lady with a blue badge on her flank laid big egg plant on my pillow, and when sung out cheerily, "Cut, cut, cudat outl' she cursed me bitterly and called me great coarse thing.
 She was right. ought not to frolic on the crumbling edge of long dank grave.
 Goodby, wicked world. After Decem- Der you will have to pay your own tax es, so the chemist says, for traces of one lung, also floating island and ice cream, were found in this last analysis Do not mourn for ma, kind friends, and choke and sob and make yourselves sick. It will be vain. Just live as have done, so that you may come where I am at Live upright lives and run the lawn mower about every ten days OCT my humble grass during the summer That is all you can do. Weep not. In me you lost man who can never be re- placed, but never mind-the world will have to drag on somehow. I Icouldn't be here all the time Anybody with par tiole of sense must have seep that l couldn't live forever.
 While penning the above words a messenger boy has come swiftly in with