Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-06-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A trying situation-The cloak mod.
els.
1t is seldom difficult to appear nat
ural when you have no desire to
please. Puck.
1t frequently happens that the fire
of genius has difficulty in making the
pot boil.-Puck.
My neighbor calls his cat "There-
by"--because from it hangs q tail
Arkansaw Traveller.
Strange as it may seem, it some
times happens that an old salt gets
into trouble by being too fresh.
Almost every woman we know would
like to know what some other woman
has got to be SO proud of. f.-Atchison
Globe.
Paddy's latest feat was to pawn his
gun, preparatory to days shooting,
in order to buy cartridges. London
Truth.
There is plenty of room at the top;
but there isn't enough for one-tenth of
the people who think they ought to be
there.-Puck.
The peace maker is commendable
character, but he is not esteemed by
the fellow who is getting the best of
the fight. Puck.
The part of mans salary that he
usually doesn't spend is the part he
would receive if he were getting what
he is worth. Puck.
"Galton had his lawn mower stolen
last night" "Great Caesar! What
lucky fellow he has always been. -
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Speaking of bereavement, Jones af-
firms that no death ever affected him
30 sadly as that of his wife's first hus-
band. d.-Salem Gazette.
Two words sometimes make long
sentence. For instance. WHOM ~.
Judge remarks to the prisoner:
Twenty years. Truth.
You may speak as you will of pedi-
gree generally, but in sleeping car
1t is mans berth which raises him
above his fellow passengers.
An exchange tells show to make a
fountain pen work satisfactorily.
Another way is to give it to one OF
your enemies. Texas Siftings.
There is that in woman's disposi-
tion that induces her to give anything
she has to the poor, providing they
will use it her way.-Atchison Globe.
kissed her dozen times last night,
And now 1t makes me sore
To think that II I'd only stayed,
might have had one more.
Life.
A woman's idea of loyalty is to loan
her best silverware to neighbor who
is giving party, and say nothing
when she hears it praised. -Atchison
Globe.
Jack-"What sort of girl is she?"
Jim-"Oh, she is a miss with mis-
sion." "Ah" "And her mission is
seeking a man with mansion. -
Spare Moments.
The lightning flashed, the lightning crashed,
The skies were rent asunder,
With shrek and wall loud blew the gale,
And then 1t rained like thunder!
Puck.
Willy Wilt-''Do you know, I fancy
have quite literary bent" Van
Demmitt-"A right, my boy; keep
on and you'll be worse than bent
you'll be broke. Puck. ~.
"Er--Miss Laura, hope
am not talking too much about my
SELF" Miss Laura--"Oh, no. You
have to be talked about by somebody,
of course. ."--Indianapolis Journal
No wonder the modest violet
Drops shyly out of sight
II It hears all the poems
People about it write.
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Housekeeper--'Are you sure thai
this tea isn't half copperas?" Dealer
(convincingly)-"We couldn't afford
to sell copperas at the extremely low
price we charge for this tea, ma'am."
New York Weekly.
L'Enfant Terrible-"Have you got
another face?" Mrs. Homeleigh-
"No. dear; why do you ask?" Len
FAINT Terrible-"Mamma said you are
two-faced; but thought if you had
another one, you wouldn't wear that
one. london Tid-Bits.
In the cleaning, o my darling,
Where the nights are six months long,
II stayed till midnight. darling,
Would you think that 1t was wrong2
Would you work the old gags ON me?
Would you murmur, soft and low,
That I might be late for breakfast,
Or the clock was six weeks slow?
Detroit Free Press.
Teacher-"Now, Johnnie, you may
tell us this: Suppose your mother had
told you to come home at five o'clock,
and you did not go; what would you
be doing?" Johnnie-"I don't know
whether it would be swimmin' or
playin' baseball" p" - Chicago Inter
Ocean.
"What have you named your new
boyp" civilian. wanted to get a
name that would be sure to fit :" 81
don't quite catch" why, don't you
see, if he grows up to be real nice,
rood kind OF young man he will be