davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
HUMOROUS.

Van Arndt-"what do ynu pener
ally take for a headache?' De Swill--
"A champagne supper."-Vogue.
you must have perseverance,"
said the young physicians friend.
no" Was the reply. what i want is
patienta"-Wnshington Star.
"A verdsnt Old Age.-She-"Did
rour grandfather live to q green old
ag-7" He-"Well, ! should say 30! He
wa. swindled three times after he was
seventy"
-Shs-"Are you in the auction bust
ness?' He-"No. Why do you ask7"
she-"Becsuse you hold my hand, and
say you are going, going, but ley
go"-N. Y. Ledger.
Very Thoughtless o; Them.-Dusty
Rhodes-"Say, dere's q story in de pa
per about . man what killed all his
FOLKS, because dey wanted him to 60 to
work" Weary Raggles-"Dat was ter
riblc" Dusty Rhodes Wees; dey
oughter have knowed better."-Puck.
MARY Jane" said the Dakota
farmer to his spouse. 'it seems like
dyin' in the face of Providence to name
the boy Elijah 1t sounds too much like
the old TELLER In the Bible hat was ear.
ried away by q cyclone. ] don't think
It's y proper name at all fer this coun-
try."-Indianapolis Journal.
-Mn Tremlow-"Dick writes from
cnnstantinople that he's sent us . real
old Damascus blade for @ menento."
Grandma Tremlow-'I hope he'll be-
have better than that young Baltimore
ono he brought from Yale last summer.
I didn't get q wink Of sleep for q week
while he was here."-Smith, Gray &
Co.'S Monthly.
Mrs Clara Foltz. when in San
Diego. had for examination one day .
large, burly Irishman. The idea Of DO.
Ing questioned by = woman lawyer wa
TO him = huge joke. until she began &c
question him on personal matters.
when, assuming q suspicious air, he re-
marked: 81 don't know yer intentions,
mrn; but I'm . married man"
NANNY Church Is an old nearesa
who wsshes for . living, and who, in
the delivery Of her patrons Reods, has
. COED deal Of hobbling around TO do In
all sorts Of weather. The past win.
ter overtaxed her patience. and the
climax Of her complaininRs was reached
on swashington's birthday. when the
tremendous storm Of that day evoked
the exclamation: ''Nebber See dc like
or dis winter senee I wsz bon! Hit do
erpear ter me kat dc Lor' done gcttin'
Of an childish. boston Courier.
The Soap He Wanted. The guest
st . hotei in Flint found in the morn.
lag that the soap which he was expect
ed to use possessed several Of the char
scteristics Of the geological nomesake
Of the town aud made q kick. Here"
he said 70 the boy who responded to the
bell, II want some soap I can wash
with" whats the matter with what
you've got7' inquired the boy. 'It'sno
good" at ought to b. Ire the best
CASTLE soap" '-Oh. il It" sacred tn,
guest "weli, you take il away and
bring me some of the best castiron soap
May be I can handle It more satisfac
soyily."-Dstroit Free Press
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
wanted 70 Oct RID Of Him.

Life r., after all, nothing but q
deeaD," said the moralizer.
"Then wake up" retortsd ths d
eoralizer.-Puck
Parsley is the commoncst garnisn 10,
sll kinds Of cold meats. poultry. fish
etc.
Horseradish is used for roast-beci
and fish.
Slices of lemon are used for boiled
fowl, turkey, and fish and for roast
beef and calls head.
Barberries, fresh of preserved, 20
with game.
Current jelly is used with game, also
Tor custard or bread pudding.
Apple sauce is for roast goose and
roast pork.
Mint is for roast lamb. hot or cold.
Sliced Seville oranges for Wild duck,
widgeons, and teaL-Chieago TimsA
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

Mr.. Co1ey's May party on the steps
of the Capitol will be . thrilling and
impressive sight. II will lack the
gsyoty and gorgeous coloring Of the
May party Of fiction and to irama,
but it will make up for this in en-
thusiasm. Congress is TO be called
out to interview the visitor, who will
net send in cards individually, and
Senator PETER, rs the author of the
measures which the Army of Peace
10 determined TO see through, will
probably take the place Of May
Queen. Refreshments are to be pro-
vided-iuvoluutarily-by citizens OF
Washington and vicinity, while The
National Guard will stand ready TO
take such part in the exercises a. cir
cumstances may seem to require.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

Last year the local elections in the
State of New York footsd up 60.
Republican supervisors and $40 Dem.
ocrats. This year there were elected
71S Republicans and 2SO Democrats
The substantial gain here shown, in
purely local csntests, int which ma.
tionsl issues enter only indirectly is q
very substantial straw TO indicate the
direction Of the political gale. By
November next it will be . cyclone of
magnificent proportions. and sweep
Democratic supremacy off the earth.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

ENECUTOR'S SOTICE.-Notice is hereby
- given that letters testamcntsry upon the
estate Of John IL. Brown, DECREASED. have beru
GRATED to the uuder1iyne,l by the clerk of the
Cap" tiirafdeau Iourt Of INN pleas Of Cape
Girar.i-au coutty, Missouri, bearing date the
10th day Of January. 1901.
All Persons having claims sgainst said estate
arr required TO cNhibit them tn him FOR allow
ancc within INC ear from the date Of tsid let
tiers OF they may be prcclufed from ANY bcnani
OF such estate; and IL said rl1i'ns be not exhib-
tied within two years from she date OF the pub
~licution OF this notice they will be forever bar
red. WILL AN II BROW.
ap,nt& Executor.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

The postponement of the execution
of Pendergast il . bit of maudlin
sentimentality. The question of his
sanity was raised at his trial, and
there decided. II 10 . miscarriage OF
justice to postpone his execution in
order to have another inquest of lun-
acy. 1t is direct encouragement to the
army Of sballow-brsined cranks to
kill and destroy.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

Col Breckenridge, the defendant in
the celebrated Breckenridge-Pslla
case, 10 now on the witness stand
telling his side Of the story. lie il
still playing the baby act by trying to
make the court, the jury and the
country believe that he was lead
astray BY the seventeen year old
schssl girl Miss Pollard.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

President Cleveland Ia hunting fer
aHsn for the Office Of public printer
who Is not mixed Up with the labor
unisns. So far the only one he has
found possessing the necessary quail
hcation 10 . South Dakota banker
who encersa Q pstcut inside country
WsskiS.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
Ne Tea Like Blssards9


If not, why do you remain in the
North when you can 90 South and
avoid the billiards and live with more
comfort. You can be out In the sun.
shine all the time and have green
vegetables from Your garden every
day In the winter. Fuel costs moth
ing. 1t costs less to live and there is
more pleasure in living every month
of the year along the line of the No
bile and Ohio Railroad than in the
North. Lands r very cheap. Now
is the time to investigate. Write to
E E. Posey, General Passenger Agent,
Mobile, Ala
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

Another Democratic promise hal
been proved . lie by the statement Of
the appropriations to be made by the
present Democratic Congress. The to.
tai 10 shown to be several millions
larger than these of the last Congress
This shows that the Democrats have
found out that the Republicans were
not extravag,nt. Thi, isa big coun.
try, and it takes large sums 10 run it.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
A Heat.

He t~rapturously) Tell me, my own,
before You promised to be mine vsrs
you ever kissed by anyoaef
She-Darling, I can not tell Q lie
fear I was.
He-Quicki what Is the name Of ths
sillain7
Shs-Ne. dear; Il Is better for you
not 70 know. lie might DO too many
fos you.-Judgc.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

Horse Dealer-He is worth aven cen,
Of $500. He is q fine healthy animal,
sir.
Mr.. Would-be Purchaser examining
the animals teeth)-YeA there is nc
doubt about his being healthy. II he
wasn't healthy he never could have
lived to such an old age.-Texss Sift.
ings.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
Sold BY VIM. ii. Cocrver.

A ILLUSTRATORS NOTICE-N rtice 10
IA hereby given that letters OF adni i'tration
upon the estate OF Frank b Hillcn, de eased,
have been granted to the uudrrsig ed by the
clerk Of the Cape Girardeau Court OF Common
Plras OF Capo Sirardeau county, Missouri,
brBrIus date the 18th day Of March. lsat.
All persons having claims against taii estate
are required TO exhibit them to him for allow
ace within ono year rom the date Of raid let
t.rs or they may be prcciuied IRON any benefit
OF slch estate: and II said cicima be not exhib-
ited within two years from the date Of the pub
location OF this notice they will be forever bar
red. LOUIS c.. HIT,
ap,uit Administrator
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

Mrs Timothy Seed-Where's Li1zief
Miss Gaskett-I just left her in Il,
Arms of Morpheus.
Mra Timothy Seed (scandalized)-
What! Aud she engaged % Joe Penderi
Show me where she is this minute
Tryth.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
Hard Water.

Aunt Jsne-Is the water where yos
live now soft or hard?
Wee Niece-I Rucss it's pretty hard.
The girl spattered some on tn lamp
chimney the other Iight, an it broke
all Ia pieces food News.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
UadosstosA His business.

Fruit Wonderfully you notts tails
me move on1
Policeman-Your cart II not in tn
way there.
Fruit vender-Den I put tia In Do
way, and I wants you tels me move
on.
Policeman-Whnt for7
Fruit Vonder-Dat maka big crowd
and ] sella banan.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

No ~itasss in the memory Of the
oldest lawyer n Warrington ha, dis.
played such wonderful talent Is .
Toll for . eresa.examinsr - Miss
Madeline Pollard. She has wonder
fully strengthened her case, and
changed public opinion In her favor
to . remarkable, degree.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

MIR. DePeyster-"Marie, dear. We
are very poor. and you must be less ex.
travagant am In palmer gowns
would be just Is becoming TO you"
Mira DePeyster-'Certainly, darling.
shall have n made immediatsly.r..
a~atna Rniose
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

We'll, you sec, he didn't know the
gun was loaded"
Yes; I know the rest He pointed
it at the girl, the gun was discharged
and the girl was killed"
'oh. no; you're wrong. You Bee, tbs
gun wasn't iosdcd."-Judge.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

As between Arnold and Phillips
10 Congress the editor sfthe Charles
ton Democrat 10 on the fence,
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

sDaily. I Daily except Sunday.
This line now mskes direct sooneeton wtal
q C. trains leaving Cape eirafdsaa q
SEQ 0 m. arriving Ut 81. Louis n lis q.
Returning. leave 81. Louis 1t 50 .. m. afnts
Ing ut Cape Girardeaa ~ soc p. N.
Gxo. K. LAlr, Gen. Pass. Agt. s.. 1oah-
aro. " PAnxsa, Gen. HsasesT, 81. Lslh.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

Col. Breckenridge 10 getting in
Close quarters. His church will have
to look sfter him q little.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
forctnR Coaxsrration.

Hoffman fIowes-That girl can't talk
little bit
Howell Gibbons that so?
Hoffman Howes-Suah. The only
thing she said TO me the whole evening
was NO" and I had to propose to her
TO get her TO say that. Puck.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
Io Year q. q.

John l. Miller is sole agent for this
rare and famous article. Twenty
eents q drink-two dollars per bottle
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

They My that Col. Sreckenridge
carries . rabbit foot in his psckst,
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
You can foOl--
'em all 49, s q:

gill otA its,ioa b1morSs a. y
NE Wsr5l's Falr demonstrates cppciusively that
daam0nds can be imitated-imitsted % psriee4iy
that the best expertjudges vaq bef1ed.
We are exclusive Importers u these Tpods and
our eeefS6saes n tAe1 10 sueh that We WIN send
you y szpre.s Cd. Xsfesh1s @ s.saiss Ar
Rings, handsomely Get, for $I.7s drt can't esch
stone, and et.oo per carat, each sdditioual carat;
o., 70 save express charges. cent postpaid By
low. c.sssiyy s ~ psaet ne ., sss urss.RossansiZ
ores. INTERNATIONAL GEM 60.
AEsase WSSssd- gssLSebs Street, cksesse
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
MRS. W.. SCHRADFR,
MIDWIFE.

A Graduate, with honars, OF the 81. Louis
School Of Midwifery. and the only graduate
Mid wife In Cape Girardeau. Residence on
Bsiview street two doors east Of spriEE street.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07
Railway Timetable.

sr. LOUis o CAIRO SHORT LINE.
81. L. A. Q 4. H.x- =. COL
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1894-04-07

SATURDAY. APRIL 2, 1894.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1894-11-23

To make jayelle water put pounds
OF bicarbonate Of soda and quarts of
hot water into a large porcelain lined
saucepan. Stir frequently with a wooden
stick until the soda is dissolved; then
add pound of chloride of lime and
stir occasionally until nearly all the
solids are dissolved. Let the liquid cool
IL the kettle; then strain the clear part
through piece of cheesecloth into
wide mouthed bottles. Put in the stop
pers and set away for use. The part
that is not clear can be put into separate
bottles and used for cleaning white
floors and tables; also for cleaning the
sink.
In making this preparation be careful
not to spatter it on your clothing or the
paint. Half pint of this water can be
put into tub with about dozen pals
Of warm suds and the soiled white
clothes be soaked in them. Much of the
dirt can be removed by this method.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1894-11-23
Newspaper Victory.

The election of Nov 6, 1894. has come and
gone, and now, after the first hurrahs and
claims have been made the people begin to
get at the real cause of the glorious repub-
lican victory. 1t was almost solely the
work of republican newspaper. Ii was the
result of two years of thoughtful reading
and thinking. Not merely during the
months of the campaign have these educa-
tors of the people been discussing the ques-
tons, but day by day and week after week
the republican papers of Michigan and of
the country have been showing the dangers
to the country of free trade policy. Every
point has been carefully considered and the
results of every move by the party in pow
er shown up. With a united republican
press, as there has been in the past campaign,
without the aid of politicians and stump
speeches, the result could not have been
different. No jealousies, no hard feelings,
no preferences for other men than those
nominated have been allowed to control the
editorials and work of the editors. The
people realize the result of this unanimity
and work, and are placing the credit OF a
los, 600 Michigan majority where it largely
belOngs-with the republican newspapers.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1894-11-23
How to Live n Century.

First. Live as much as possible out
of doors, never letting day pass with
out spending at least three or four hours
in the open air.
Second. Keep all the powers of mind
and body occupied i'll congenial work
The muscles should be developed and
the mind kept active.
Third. Avoid excuses of all kinds,
whether of food, drink or of whatever
nature they may be. Be moderate in all
things.
Fourth. Never despair. Be cheerful
at all times. Never give way to anger.
Never let the trials of one day pass over
to the next.
From so to 20 continue some active
life and occupation, as the retiring from
all this at that age often is the gravest
mistake and is suicidal On the con-
trary, rest as much as possible from rs
to 100. Avoid exposure to cold, as bron-
chitis is very frequent at that time Of
ife Rest abundantly. One ought thus
to attain 100 years
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1894-11-23
BABY'S MENU.

Let me give you few bills of faro for
baby which will agree with any healthy
child of from 13 months to 2% years of
age:
First.-Mill TO drink. Half saucer of
oatmeal, with q little butter and salt.
Half saucer of oatmeal, with cream and
sugar. A few tcaspoonfuls of strained
prune juice.
Second. --Thoroughly mashed potato,
with little butter, cream and salt. n
thick strip Of rare bCefsteak to suck
(should be allowed only tho juice. a few
teaspoonfuls Of finely scrapcd apple. Milk
to drink.
Third Half soft boiled egg. Milk
toast Baby tc;l--ina,e Of milk and warm
water in equal proportions, with sugar and
q drop of Vanilla
Fourth. - Bread and milk. a few tea.
spoonfuls fine grained apple sauce. Half
slice of bread, with bcofsteak gravy.
Eifth.-Half saucer rice, with butter
and salt. Half saucer rice, with cream
and sugar. Two or three teaspoonfuls OF
orange juice Milk 20 drink
Sixth.--Half teacnpful of beef tea.
Crackers and milk. Third Of slice bread,
with pure maple strip.
Seventh. "A little strained fig sirup( Of
constipatod), made by boiling figs in wa
ter with sugar. Musll and milk Small
slice bread and butter without crust.
Eighth. IA tcaspoonful of the breast Of
chicken or turkey minced very fine. Toast
and milk. Small lump of sugar for dessert.
Ninth. Oatmeal, crackers and milk.
Baked potato cream and salt. Whipped
cream, swcctcned and favored.
Tcnth.--Hnlf slice buttered toast with
out crust. Bread and milk. Tasto of
custard, wine, jelly or melted vanilla or
chocolate leo crcam.-Mary Maxwell in
St, Louis Republic.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1894-11-23
The Election Bills.

Thecity council Is divided as to the ques-
tion IS to how much pay the inspectors and
clerks should receive for work on election
day. The committee on claims and ac-
counts reported In favor of allowing the
bills at $500 each for inspectors. A major
ity of the council voted to make the amount
$l2.50. Mayor Dawes vetoed the motion,
giving as his reason that he considered the
amount too much. From that standpoint 1t
is only question of judgment between the
mayor and the majority of the aldermen.
If Mayor Dawes had taken the view, that
under our charter the aldermen were not
entitled to any compensation for this work.
save their annual salary of $50, we believe
he would have had better reason for the
veto. The veto Is as follows:
Owosso, MICH, Nov. 81, 1884
To the members of the common council OF
Owosso: The operation of so much OF the ae-
ton OF the common council OF the city of Owes
so, held on the 10Th day of November, 1894, as is
expressed by the following transcript from the
minutes and records Of said meeting, substan
tally as follows, that is to say, the resolution
allowing the inspectors of election and the
clerks OF election the same sum OF money as
was allowed them two years ago, and was adopt
ed, ayes five, nays three, is hereby suspend
ed and declare that the same should not go
into operation nor have any legal effect what
ever, for the following reasons viz-The law
provides for the service of each alderman for
registration two dollars per day, and think
that $500 per day for inspectors of election and
clerks of election is ample pay for such service;
which makes the pay for inspectors of election
two days, six dollars, one day registration, two
dollars, total eight dollars the pay for clerks OF
election, three dollars per day, two days, max
ing six dollars; two clerks in each ward, total
twelve dollars; two gate keepers, $500 EACH
total $500, expense for each ward $500, total
amount for the city, Sl52.00; which think, in
the face of the depressed times is all the burden
our taxpayers ought to be asked to bear. The
supervisors OF the townships only get 81. so per
day for like services, and we have hundreds of
laboring men working for small wages, trying
to pay for their homes; now therefore to ap.
propriate $500 more of the taxpayers money
think is unreasonable, which would make a
total OF 1886 90. We should try and be economi-
cal in the expenditure of the city's funds, and
avoid any appearance of seldshness
md greed. earnestly pray you will consider
It well before further action
Nj. G. DAWES
MayOr
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1894-11-23

In discussing the senatorial situation,
after warmly endorsing Senator Mcmillan
for reelection, the Allegan Journal says:
For the Senate vacancy Gov. Rich appoint
ed John Patton Jr, well educated lawyer
thorough-going republican. an honest and
capable gentleman. He is a fine orator and
a sound reasoner and bids fair to be chosen
to the seat he now occupies in that august
body-the u. s. Senate-a place he is so
well qualified to fill and adorn. 1t is said
he is too young to fill this place and lacks
experience. The same charges were pre-
ferred against Clay and Webster and many
other distinguished orators and statesmen
but had no great weight. Mr.. Patton re-
sides in the second great city of Michigan
and is thoroughly familiar with all the great
interests of the Peninsular State. He is
well adapted for the place he now tempo
rarily fills. Mr.. Patton has brilliant future
before him. The more the people of Michi-
gan know Mr.. Patton the better they will
like him. So let Mr.. Patton be recommis-
stoned as senator and let the people of
Michigan continue to be honored with his
services i'm the national legislature.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1894-11-23

lying principles Of agriculture, and later
taking up special departments, yet it is
largely elective and so flexible that person
interested i'm any branch of farming may
select books pertaining only to his chosen
line. For example, the class devoted to live
stock aims to give general knowledge Of
feeding, breeding and handling of horses,
cattle, sheep and swine, and includes also a
book on dairying. If, for any reason. the
reader does not desire to take all of the WORK
in the class devoted to live stock and is
especially interested in dairying, he may
select only that portion relating to dairy
work, and receive proper credit.
The course comprises Give classes, Soils
aud crops, Live Stock, Garden and Or
chard, Home Making and Political Science
Certificates are given on the completion of
the work outlined In each book and class,
and ON completion of three classes the read
er is presented with an appropriate diploma.
The examinations are all optional, and any
person may read in the course without send
ing in reports or taking examinations of any
kind.
This course was but recently established
yet it has readers all over the United States
and Canada. and the great interest manifest
ed by all those who are now enjoying its
opportunities is a good indication of its
value. Its popularity arises from the fact
that 1t is prepared for busy men; it is short,
practical and instructive; 1t offers scheme
of advisory correspondence with the college
authorities which makes IL possible to be-
come intimately acquainted with the work
of the experiment station.
Send postal card to the secretary for full
information regarding this course.
Il. Ii. MUMFoRD, Sec. II. III. Il. c.,
Agricultural College, Mich.
LEWIS g. GoRToN,
President of theColle ge.