Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-06-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Girls may be little slower abont
talking, while infants, than boys, but
they make up for it when they once
get started. Journal.
Tom-"Are you sure you will never
forget that it was I who gave you that
locket?" Miss Bangles-''Sure! I'm
going to note it down in my memor-
andum book. ."-Chicago Record.
Mrs. Earle-''Your daughter has
been studying painting, has she not?"
Mrs. Lamoyn-"Yes; you should see
some of the sunsets she paints. There
never was anything like them. New
York Observer.
Wool-''That was a mean trick
Clarklet's rival played on him." Van
Pelt-"What?" Wool--"He wrote
ooh, maid of Athens, ere we part"
etc., in the girls album, and the rival
changed the "Oh" to "Old. d."-Harlem
Life.
sBy Jove" said Dawson, as he
glanced over a copy of the Russian al
phabet. "What a terrible thing it
must be to be deaf and dumb in Rus
siai Think of having to make those
letters with your fingers !'-Harper's
Bazaar.
Ragged Richard (insinuatingly)-
"Say, mister, have yer got eny sug-
gestions ter make ter feller wat
amt able ter raise er dime ter git
shaved with?" Grumple (passing on)
-ssYes: raise rrhi-l-~-~." D>-nN-i~
Courier.
''You can always depend on the
newspapers" remarked the man who
was unpleasantly notorious ''What
do you mean?" "No matter how
naughty you may be, they will never
turn your picture to the wall. Wash
ington Star.
Pegg- Sometimes the absolute
faith my boy has in my wisdom makes
me almost ashamed of myself. " Potts
E"You need not worry. 1t will av-
erage up all right. BY the time he is
twenty he will think you know nothing
lat all. ."-Tid-Bits.
A stranger in Galveston asked an
old resident how malarial fever could
be distinguished from yellow fever.
"As a general thing" was the reply,
"you can't tell until you have it, If
YOU amt alive, then it is most likely
yellow fever. Texas Siftings.
A Woman's Wait "Wait just halfa
minute" said the lady to the elevator
man, "and I'll ride down in your car. !"
CAN right, ma'sm," said the saga
cious elevator man, as he chucked his
lever over and began to sink below.
"rhe elevator will be running three
hours longer. er."-Chicago Record.
Remember, Witness" sharply ex-
claimed the attorney for the defense,
"you are on oath !" "There amt no
danger of my furgettin' it," replied
the witness, sullenly. 'I'm tellin' the
truth fur nuthin', when l could have
made 81 by lyin' fur your side OF the
case, an You know it."-Chicago Tri-
bune.
"Ah," remarked the man who wasn't
minding his own business to the man
digging a trench in the street, "my
friend, you surely earn your living 10y
the sweat of your brow" 81 don't
know about that, replied the man, as
he never stopped his digging, II git
the same pay whether | sweat OF not. p"
Detroit Free Press.
Little Boy--'I stayed in the parlor
all last evening when Mr.. Squoezem
was eallin' on sister, just a. you told
me- Mother That's - good boy;
and here is the candy | promised you.
Did YOU get tiredg' Little Boy-"Oh,
NO. We played blind mans buh, anl
ID would have been lots of fun, only |
was ~ nearly all the time. "--dood
Nows.
The young clergyman had consented
at the last moment % act a. substitute
for the venerable man Who sas accus-
toned b. "a b. the Bridewoll sunday
moraing and preach to the prisoaeTa
"My frlends. sald the embarrassed
young man, a. he Tuse up api faced
tho assemblsi tonghs ani ysgrahis.
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