The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1894-01-21

The Agricultural Editor Taxes m Oppor-
tuniiy TO Relieve Hi- Mind.

L
| tunity TO Relieve TITS Mind.
| This article Is not written by the editor. pub
Usher. and proprietor OF the kicka. who is also
Mayor territorial Senator. and candidate for
| the Postmnstershlp. but by his agr!cultu raj
editor. whose salary Is 81 per week. and whose
| duties mainly consist OF writing uD biogra.
| piles OF the cactus and hunting for a new
| breed OF mule grass Tho proprietor left Tor
| Tombstone the other day TO meet an editor
| who had challenged him 20 game OF draw
poker best three out Of i've so ante and 10
limit TO the game. Our chof will return
home with his hat on his ear and his mule on
dead run "a conduering hero. Mo know It,
because he took along six packs OF marked
cards aud because he can do more bluning on
pair OF deuces than any man In Arllon on
three aces. llo will not only return with all
the cash the Tombstone editor can rake aud
scrape. but with valid mortgage for at least
81 900 on the newspaper OUTFIT.
Having been left in charge OF tho kirter
oi1lcs fot a week. we shall proceed to make
this issue an ideal one In the first place we
desire to pay our respects to Col Eaunderson.
whom the people OF this town were idiotio
enough TO make city Clork. lie was never
elected Colonel Of anything except demi-
John. We don't know what state prison he
halls from. but we feel morally certain that lie
had from three TO five years more to serve
when he escaped ON various occasions lie
has visited tho editorial rooms Of this Office
and given us tho cold cut. aud We now take
pleasure in denouncing him as snob. a cad.
and a conceted idiot Should he want any
thing Of us before the editor returns. ho will
find us In the main sanctum. our heels on the
desk and a double barrelled shotgun leaning
against the wall within reach.
Next on the list comes the fat and fussy
In ul,a
this locality was doubtless to lose his Identity
We don't know whether he stole horse or
a COW or ran away from his family. but he
looks like mau who'd commit all three Of
fences and rob blind man to boot. II we can
get the members Of the Vigilance Commit
tee together this week we shall advise that
the Judge receive official notice to skip. When
lie sat in this office one day last week and OBJ
served In our hearing aud for our benefit that
an agricultural editor who couldn't command
q salary OF over 81 per week was poor guano
for mule grass. lie forgot that the wheel Of
time turns slowly but turns Just the same.
When we entered this town last summer,
dead broke and blister on every toe that
now represents the First ward as Alderman.
was funny drunk. as usual lie not only made
dollar day to 20 into cage ne, and be exhibit
ed as the Wild eyed lunatic from New Ing
land" Even after we had struck q job at the
munif cent salary sDoken Of, he held us up to
ridicue on the street and called us q rcd headed
cactus. Alderman Williams, as we have his
record before us. 10 a thief, embeZzler. and
dead beat from Iowa. and We'll wager dollars
to cents that he is arrested ana taken East
within two weeks Should the Alderman come
rushing over here. eyes bullying out and hair
standing up. to square himself. he will dis
cover an agricultural editor dead to the call OF
mercy. lie will open the door to lind that
shotgun looking into his left eye.
OF Apache Heights gave swell birthday party.
She had been introduced to us. While we are
no hand at scraping and bowling and paying
fine compliments. as Is true OF most agrlcultu-
raj editors devoted to their profession, Mrs.
Caruthers knew us to be respectable and
the cold cut. but We overheard her observe that
II would embarrass her very much to have
a person at her banquet board pull pillow
case from his pocket to wipe his mouth on.
We bowed our head and received the cruel |
blow in silence; 1t Jared us from top to bot |
tom. and We have not felt well since but the |
big wheel has also turned for Mrs. Caruthers- |
We now beg to announce the fact that for sew
eral years previous to her entry into high |
society in this town she sang sad songs and |
passed around poor brand Of lager beer IN
concert hall In town on the banks OF the his |
toric Mississippi River. Her husband. who |
has also taken occas on to snub us three or |
four times week for the last two months. is q
gambler confidence man. and all-round swim |
ller. and we don't know grass seed from griz-
change OF climate In less than fortnight
A continuation OF this list will be found on
our fourth page. and we surmise that 1t will
prove interesting reading. When tho editor
and PROPRIETOR returns, he won't do any shoot
ng-not at us, lie will find our resign alton
wing on the editorial table. but We shall DO far
away. We are an agricultural editor who
! noWs his business.