The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-06-17
CRANK LETTERS.
Crazy Correspondence That POuTS in
on Uncle Sam.
People With Insane sohemes-A Curl
Gus Plan for Religious Garden-A
Modern Alchemist.
From the washington Star.

From the Washington Star.
A large part Of Uncle sam s mail comes
from insane asylums 1t is a fact that
| people confined on account of dementia,
! having nothing better to do, commonly
| amuse themselves with writing letters
| to the government. Everyone of the
departments here receives great numbers
OF communications from cranks of all
sorts, most Of whom. however, are not
under restraint. Many of them are the
wild chickering's of hopeless lunacy-
nearly always religious lunacy-while
some are exceedingly amusing.
There is one man who wants the de-
! partment OF agriculture to establish what
| he calls religious garden" His plan
| IS that trees. shrubs, etc, shall be OBJ
( tanned from the Holy Land for reproduce
| ing IN this country the garden of Eden.
! incidentally, the sulta biliUY of American
soil and climate for the plants of dawn
| ing creation will be demonstrated. Plan
| cts possessing signihiCance in connec-
| ton with Bible history-such as the olive,
| Jne palm and the cedar of Lebanon
| would be included, of course. The plan
| pays no attention to the scientific belief
! that the vegetation of the Garden of
| Eden could not have been comparable to
| that OF the present day, the evolution of
| plants toward beauty and perfection hav-
ing been steadily progressing since the
| beginning.
| A note of alarm is sounded by a New
York crank, who writes:
! The extent to which the nation is
| using electricity IS most seriously affect
ing the atmosphere, and cons eQuently the
| weather and climate, and, consequently
again. both animal and vegetable life.
| Inc grip was unQuestionably caused by
thD Of al, ,s..ss
the oxygen Of the air. The use of cleo
| trlcity has thus ruined the health of mil
| lions, sent tens of thousands into untimely
graves, and caused the loss by fire. storm
| and flood of hundreds of millions of dollars
| worth of property, and without one
| word of protest from the press or govern
ment, is still permitted to continue its
| devilish work of death and destruction. :"
| TO PREVENT THE EARTH's DESTRUCTION.
Another lunatic gives notice of the APP
| preaching destruction of the earth by q
comet. he wants a government board
| appointed to hear his plans for escaping
from the danger In his last letter on the
| subject he says:
when I see the lives of all men and
! animals in peril, while you seem callous
to my appeal for your own preservation,
| assure you it is not pleasant
A man in the state of Washington wrote
to Secretary Morton the other day, saw
| ing that he had lost his wife and was very
| lonely. He wanted the secretary TO pick
out for him "ikely woman" and send
| her along. He stated that he had written
to the department and got some books,
| and they were good. On another occasion
| he wrote for seeds, and, though his neigh
| bOrs told him that they would not amount
to anything, they turned out all right. So
he thought that he would be likely to do
| equally well in ordering wife from the
department.
Not long ago lady in the same depart
| ment received a proposal of marriage
from a man in Iowa. He had seen her
| picture and brief sketch of her life in
| the Ladies' Home Journal, and it had
struck him that the portrait resemble
his late wife. He addressed a letter to
the original, offering to her a carriage,
| three horses, a house, Two barns and his
| heart The lady who is the widow of a
| confederate general, replied in the mega
tive. She told him that she had four
grandchildren, and suggested that he
would do better to select a younger
wrote again, asking her to reconsider her
| decision.
The department of agriculture put up
and distributed 99,000,O00 packages of
seeds last year. 1t is impossible that a
few mistakes should not be made in the
execution OF so enormous a labor So
now and then it happens that a person
gets seeds that are wrongly labeled, and
| when they come up he writes angry let
ters to Washington. There is some ex-
cuse for disgust when a man has planted
his lawn with clover and finds it coming
up turnips and radishes.
That most destructive weed the Rus
sian thistle, has been much abused of
late. Nevertheless, it is SAID that sheep
/ xKri1l f1nA = l.se
Oregon writes to ask for some seeds of the
plant. If, as alleged, it will grow any
! where and will afford material for NUT
ton, he wants it. Furthermore, he sug-
1geSts that an experiment station might
i be established for the cultivation and i'm
provement of the thistle
People are constantly making absurd
requests. Farmers often write to ask
that their blowing shall be done for them
or their wheat Ields weeded. They con-
I,sider that the government is rich and
ought to help poor folks. One man ap-
piled the other day for loan of agri-
cultural implements, which he could not
afford to buy. Another requested the
gift of a dictionary and Bible. An in
dividual with grievance wrote: please
hand this to Uncle Sam and see that he
attends TO it," From the phrases he en-
ployed 1t was evident that he thought
that Uncle Sam was an actual parsonage.
| Replies are made to the most nonsensical
missiyes so long as an answer is not
likely to encourage indefinite correspond,
ence.
IMAGINARY CLAIMS,
Ever so many people imagine that the
government owes them immense sums of
money. one man has claim for $500,
0OO,0O0. Every now and then he sends
in demand for payment on a postal
card, stating that he cannot give any
longer credit. There is a man who gives
himself the title of universal peace CON-
missioner. His business is TO maintain
peace among the nations by acting as
general arbitrator. His salary of 81 800 a
year is far in arrears, and he duns the
resident for it at regular intervals An
other person offers to teach the govern
ment how to turn silver into gold. Such
a process would be so extremely desira-
bic at the present time that Uncle sam
would not begrudge the S3,0O00O0 de-
manded for the secret of it, if only any
faith were had of its practicability.
An ingenious citizen of Louisiana has
conveyed suggestion to the effect that
scent pieces shall be coined, to take the
place OF nickels. BY this means the price
of pretty nearly everything that now
sells for nickel would be reduced to /
cents. The workingman would pay a
cent less for car fare, for 4 loaf of bread,
! "a q 40 f. hot Al,