davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
Novel Scene a. an Amphitheater.

During the performance of a play at
the Amphitheatsr a rather novel Incl
dent occurred It was in scene sup
posed to represent a mutiny on board
ship, and in it the master Of the vessel
was getting rather the worst of the fight
A sailor who was in the pit and who, it
is alleged, had had quite as much stim-
ulant as it was wise for him to carry,
shouted, Ere y'are, cap'en, I'll lend
ye hand" and Immediately proceeded
to put his offer into execution by jump
ing over the barrier and advancing to-
ward the stage. As he was clambering
onto the stage he slipped and fell back
ward The matter was referred to two
constables. and the too willing "Jack
Tar" was removed from the building
without being able to render 1.-THE
cap'en" his promised assistance. Pull
LENS Kent England) Argus
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
Funny Sayings Are Raro.

Why not try the "most funny" things
that have ever been saidf Not the wittiest,
because the wit of a man has been gener-
ally practiced, trained, forged and temper
ed for the sole purpose of being used as a
rapier for purposes of the duollo. More
than half the witty things on record con-
tain the keen and polished epigram which
stabs a man in vital part and leaves
him branded for the rest of his life as
fool, ass. charlatan. OF this kind of wit
Douglas Jerrold was a master. "Have
you seen my Descent Into Hslls' asked
Heraud, the now forgotten. "No," said
Jorrold, "but I should dearly like to"
This was extremely witty. Or-to take an
earlier case-when early in the last cen
tury, two rival physicians fought. "Take
your life," said the magnanimous victor
Anything but your medicine" replied
the defeated one. These are examples of
wit.
Iwant funny things-things that make
you laugh, not at the unexpectedness Of
1t, or the sting in it, or the discontinue
of the other man, but at the drollery Of it,
the humor of 1t, the audacity Of it, the
mffthfulness of it. For instance, it was
suggested the other day in conversation
that perhaps the funniest thing ever said
was that old and well known story of the
question and reply as to the way in which
certain people managed to subsist. "They
earn precarious existence by taking in
each others washing" And some of sgd
ney Smiths sayings are almost as funny.
The witty things are much more com
mon than the funny things, partly be-
cause life is always. as Beaumarchais call
ed it, a combat, and partly because the
generality Of men are more disposed to
say things sharp and biting things that
wound-things that make other men
afraid of them-than genial, pleasant,
laughter moving things. Certainly, il
had belonged to the same club as Douglas
Jerrold should have sat in another room,
or should have sat in the same room
without daring to speak. / venture, there
fore, to suggest that collection Of funny
things might be curious.
Alas, one easily understands that such
q collection might be very dreary. We do
not all of us laugh at the same thing, and
1t is infinitely easier to make people laugh
than to make them cry.-Walter Besant
In Queen.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
Settled the Difficulty.

He had given her the engagement
ring and was telling her fairy stories
about the trouble he had experienced in
securing a pure white, fawless stone
when he saw sad look creep into the
eyes but now fred with joyous mirth
and gladness
"What is it, my own" he whispered
in her left auricular appendage
''Oh, Harold, suppose
eyes, sweetheart.
Suppose we should get married."
"We will my dearest" no Kissed,
with $40 week nerve.
"And I should lose this ring in the
fluff Of our velvet carpets?''
For moment he was dazed Then a
decorative possibility rushed athwart
his prophetic soul, and he said firmly:
"We will have hard wood floors. p
Detroit FREQ Press.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
Dobbins, Eleotrio soan =

Dobbins' Electric Soap is
cheaper for you to use, if YOU
follow directions, than sny
other Soap would be, if given
to you; for by Its use clothes
are saved. Clothes cost more
than soap This soap cost
in 1869 twenty cents a bar.
Now it cost nine. 1t contains
precisely the same ingredients,
and no others, now as then,
and costs less than half. Buy
it OF your grocer, use it and
preserve your clothes. If he
hasn't it, he knows that he can
buy it of his wholesale grocer.
The genuine always has our
name on the wrapper. Look
out for limitations. There are
many OF them.
PRESERVA. of clothes by the
nTAM use Of Dobbins,
ilVN Electric Soap, is an
established fact of generation. II Is
hot an experiment or wild assertion.
out absolutely true. Think carefully
wneAher you prefer to save cent or
Two on soap. or dollars on clothes.
lou can't do both. Buy Dobbins'
fs Siecsric and look on every wrapper
DOBBINS SOAP MFG CO..
Successors to I. L. Cragin & Co.
PHILADELPHIA, PA.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
WE NEVER GROW OLD.

We never grow old, II isn't the mode.
Wehave pinned our faith to modern cod
And started out on the longer roadi
Our grandmothers wore their dainty capa,
Our grandmothers took little daily naDs-
We take the air in our winter wraps.
Our grandmothers aged at fifty or so:
But, stenminE the tide Of the long ago,
We wear our fifty years Of snowi
Boston Woman's journal.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

How the Magnetic Springs lost a
good customer is told by John ".
Smith, prominent 0ddfellow, Woos-
ter, who says II had doctored and doc
tored without benefit, for sleeplessness
and nervous rheumatism with pains all
over me, until had decided to go to the
Magnetic Springs. Mr.. Laubach ad-
vised me to try DR.. Wheeler's Nerve
Vitalizer and before had used all the
second bottle my rheumatism and
sleeplessness were entirely cured"
Sold In Napoleon by Saur & Balsley.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
A Laugh ON the Girls.

A good joke was played on the girls
of Marion by the young men Of that
town. The boys had been rather remiss
in their attentions to the young ladies
and had been Staging it to the thea
ter, parties, ETC., until the girls got tired
Of being left in the cold and decided to
show their independence. Consequently
10 of the girls hired box at the theater
and made very charming theater party.
The play was Wanted, a Husband"
and the girls sat serene through it all,
never dreaming that the wicked boys
had taken one Of the largest flaring post
ers, Wanted, A Husband" and fas-
tened it around the box so that all the
audience might read Indianapolis
Sentinel
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

TIE preacher who undertakes TO
try the Breckenridge Pollard case and
hand down q verdict from the pulpit
may imagine that be is doing his duty,
but be isn't. He condemns the lynch.
er for not trusting the courts, and
then he proceeds to follow the exam
pie Of the lynchers.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
Rods In Pickle.

One Of tho most useful institutions Of
Alexandria, Va, is the parental rod,
which is always held in pickle at the
station house for the use of such parents
as desire to escape fines levied for the
offenses of their unruly children. They
are allowed to whip the bad boys at the
station house, and in that case the fine
is remitted Philadelphia Ledger.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

PRESIDENT Cleveland has the same
right to veto q bill when it does not
meet with his appoaval that every
democrat in Congress has to vote for
or against bill, and his financial
opinions were as well known when he
was last nominated and elected as
they are today. These are facts that
should not be overlooked by those
who pretend to see nothing but dis
ruption of the democratic party ahead.
Brethren, the democratic party will
be living and winning elections long
after we are all dead and forgotten.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
Mother Have You a Baby?

II SO, get from your druggist to-day for %
cts, bottle of DR.. Hands Collie Cure. Every
baby often has distressing collie. DR.. Hands
Collie Cure gives immediate relief by remov-
ing wind from the stomach and quieting toe
nerves, giving restful sleep. Mother. think
Of the worry and anxiety this saves you. If
your baby is teethina, DR.. Hands Teething
Lotion for rs cents soothes and relieves all
pain. Sold by all druggists.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
1--WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEGO."
A Dramatic Scene Between Lovers a .
London Railway Station.

A Dramatic Scene Between Lovers a .
London Railway station-
A curious scene was witnessed yestor-
day afternoon outside Paddington station.
A respectfully dressed young woman who
had arrived at tho terminus from tho coun-
try was quietly proceeding in the direction
Of kdgewaro road when ayoung man, also
respectfully dressed, met her, turned dead
~ pale and exclaimed, "Oh, Helen, we
thought you were deadl" and would proS-
ably have fallen 10 the ground in faint
ing condition had not the young woman
and sympathetic wayfarcrs who witnessed
tho unusual occurrenoo assisted him into a
temperance rafreshment house, whore re-
storatives were obtained.
Their case proved to bo q strange one.
The girl had for some timo been q shop
assistant at . village on the outskirts Of
South London and had there become en-
gagged 10 the young man. She left her
place and returned TO her parents In the
country for holiday. Somehow or Other
report was spread in tho village that the
girl had suddenly died from influenza,
and the news appeared so circumstantiai
and detailed that 1t obtained general Gre
dence Tho lover was disconsolate, men
toned his grief to tho pastor of the Metho-
dist chapel whore he and his sweetheart
had worshiped, and the minister the next
Sunday preached funeral sermon, draw
ing suitable lessons from the unexpected
decease Of their young friend All was
over
The young man was, 1t appeared, actu-
ally on his way to Paddington station, en-
route to the home of the girl, with the view
of visiting the grave, when he met her in
the flesh, alivo and looking worry well. She
declared that shs had written to him once
and was astonished not to haye got an nn-
swer. He, on his side, averred that the
missive never reached him. 1t Is very
probable that the Methodist minister who
her funeral oration will soon
be asked to oflciate at still moro inter
esting ceremony, in which she will be one
Of two principal participants.-London
Telegraph.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

SCORE one for Secretary Morton; he
warns the public against wasting
money on alleged rainmakers. Had
Congress been sufficiently warned
several years ago, Uncle Sans strong
box would have been some thousands
better off than it is.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

We are firm and honest In our state.
ment that nothing equals Brant's Bal
sam for cure Of all coughs, colds, throat
orlung troubles, as the manyletters we
have on file help to prove. A recent
one from w. r. Rumpel, Columbia,
Mich, says: II caught severe cold on
my lungs last winter and tried several
other remedies which did me no good,
until my lungs got In very bad shape"
topiates always hurt the lungsl" but
two bottles Of Brant's Balsam cured
me. ! felt better before had used half
. bottle.p Get Brant's Of fSaur q Balls
ley.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

Biuflins-Was that your wife saw
you at church with last Sundayf
Meeke--No. sB m aI
Bluffkins- -Ah, some other man'ss
Meeke-Yes.
Biuffkins-W Whose, prays
Meeke-My father-in-law's. - Detroit
Free Press.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

IF few of the fighting South Car
olinians could be induced to migrate
to South America there would be
fewer revolutions over there. The
average South Carollnian does his
shooting before his talking.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

FRIENDS of other democrats who
wanted to be Public Printer will for
get their personal disappointment in
rejoicing that SO good a democrat as
Thomas E. Benedict, of New York,
will get the Office
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

The latest tariff bluff is an an.
nouncement from an alleged Penn
sylvania syndicate Of an intention to
erect q large tln-plate mill in the
country, if the Mckinley tariff on tin
is not materially changed. 1t is use
less, however, as it is alread y as near
ly settled as anything not absolutely
consumated can be that the tariff on
tin will be materially changed.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

No wonder Speaker Crisp declined
seat in the Senate; be did not care
to deny himself the pleasure of occas-
ionally using big Tom Reed as a cush.
ION to sit upon.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

THE policy of the United States
Withdrawing from the Clayton. Bulwer
treaty with Great Britain and build
ing the Nicaragua canal without the
Intervention of a private company
would doubtless prove popular one.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

New MEx1co's State boomis found
ering in Congress, but she is enjoy
ing q gold boom that will go far to-
wards satisfying the impatience Of her
citizens.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

WHAT pity it is that men cannot
be prevented by vaccination from TAX
ing the indecent gossipy disease, as
well as the smallpox. The man gossip
differs from the woman gossip; he is
almost always indecent.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

Gov. MCKINLEY probably breathed
easier when be learned that Coxey's
army had crossed the Ohio line. II
is now in order for the republican
papers in Ohio to begin demanding
that the democratic governors of
Pennsylvania and Maryland shall
arrest or disperse the army.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

THE man who says the Senate will
not pass the tariff bill should be look
cd after by his friends, if he has any;
he is a promising candidate for a
straight jacket,
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

IT is now said that Hon. Levi P.
Morton will not pay the price demand
ed for the republican nomination for
governor of New York. Levi always
was q good Judge of values.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

REPUBLICAN Senator'S are open in
their threats of proIonging the tariff
debate indefinitely. Which party
controls the Senate, anyway? The
whole democratic party is interested
in the answer to this plain question.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

The Tillmsn whlskey law may not
be in the neighborhood of what it
ought to be, but there is no discount
on the Tillman brand of nerve.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12

lR the newspapers would drop Cox
ey's army for about ten days it would
be deader than q last years bird
nest.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1894-04-12
Democratic Northwest.
AND HENRY COUNTY NEWS.

Mr.. HARRIsoN and Gov. Mckinley
probably smiled quite broadly when
ex-Czar Reed was humbled by Speak.
er Crisp.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1894-01-11
Somewhat Equivocal.

The unconscious humor of human ma
ture sometimes shows itself in strange
forms. For instance, news dispatch
published the other day in a St. Louis
paper ran as follows:
'St. Joseph, Mo-. Dec. 9.-The third
annual session Of the Northwest Mis-
souri, Press association, ended shortly
after II o'clock this morning, and the
members were driven to State Lunatic
Asylum No. g."
In order that no erroneous impression
might be drawn from its statements the
dispatch Went On to explain that the
members Of the association went to the
asylum as guests of the superintendent.
Nevertheless the connection of the state
ment that the body had adjourned with
the fact that it's members had been
driven to State Lunatic Asylum No.
g. is humorously but unconsciously
suggestive. New York Herald.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1894-01-11
ENGLAND'S UNEMPLOYED.
Labor Leaders Say That Not Enough Is Be-
ing Done and Make a Large PROPOSAL.

Labor Leaders Say That Not Enough Is Be-
ing Done and Make a Large Proposal. /
Labor leaders are complaining that
the government authorization to the To-
cal authorities to spend money upon re-
lief works for the benefit of the unem-
sployed lis notaataken badv antages Of IN
half dozen resu is that.
distress is rapidly becoming acute in
most Of the large townsyeto, the great
benefit of the socialist and anarchist
agitators. 1t is difficult to see what
more the government can do, unless it
go in for state socialism on a gigantic
scale, for which public opinion is not
ripe. -
The latest proposal is that the gov
eminent should guarantee loans for, say,
$3.50, 600, 900 to enable the carrying out
OF national system Of foreshore recla-
nation all around the coasts. Such
work, wherever undertaken by private
enterprise. has certainly proved profit.
able, and it is urged that Holland has:
demonstrated its practical and remu-
nerative character as a government en-
terprise.
There is no reason to doubt that in
the London district alone the reclama-
ton of the foreshores Of the Thames,
!: from the metropolis to the sea, is per-
fectly feasible, and would provide work
for thousands for many years, be of i'm
mense public benefit, and yield good
return on the outlay, but the govern
ment naturally hesitates to take the first
step in such vast undertaking.-Lo
don Cor. New York Sun.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1894-01-11
NUMBER 8.
A DUEL IN EARNEST.

1t Took Place Recently In Austria, and q 4
s% Doctor Defeated Sword Master.
Duels in-Austria are more interesting
than French affairs, for sometimes they
have blood in them. A particularly
dramatic encounter is just reported
from Vienna, where we'll known ply
stefan, insulted by an officer, insisted
on satisfaction, in spite of the fact that
his antagonist was professor in mil
itary fencing academy. The doctor was
SO certain of victory that he made an
appointment with guests for an hour
subsequent to the combat. The weap-
ons were sharpened sabers. There were
three rounds, in each Of which the
officer received a cut. the last Sitting
his cheek and depriving him Of two
teeth. The docto. was unhurt.
The regimental physician declared,
although the duel was over, that none
Of the wounds was sufficiently serious.
To end the dispute the principals agreed
to meet again in the afternoon with
pistols. Meanwhile the physician met
his friends and Travelled to Vienna, in
tending to return after the dinner. He
was scarcely seated in the railroad car
riage before the conductor, slamming
the door, crushed the thumb Of his
right hand. Upon his arrival at vi
emma an operation was performed by
professor in the university, who order
ed him to CA his hand in a sling.
Although l. ..istol hand was useless,
the doctor WAS punctually on. the
ground at the hour fixed. The signal
being given, the military professor
raised his pistol and fired carefully.
The ball grazed the doctors neck, and
/ at first it was believed to have struck
him, but he stood in his place I'M
moved.
Then, lifting his pistol in his left
hand, he fired. The officer fell heav-
lily to the ground. Rushing to his an
tagonist, the doctor asked: Are you
much hurt? What do you feel?" He
received no reply. His adversary,
struck in the chest, lay unconscious.
He is not expected to recover. The
|sphysician returned to Vienna, where
on the same evening he had to undergo
second painful operation.-London
Cable. ,.s
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1894-01-11
A Terrible New Rifle.

A European correspondent says that
the chief surgeon of the Roumanian
army has been making grewsome exper-
lments with the new Mannlicher rifle,
with which the forces are being
equipped. He placed a number of human
bodies in rows, like soldiers on the field
of battle. At600 meters five bodies were
placed half yard behind each other.
a single bullet went through three bod
les in succession. Upon the soft parts
Of the bodies the wounds were perhaps
less serious than those inflicted by the
old fashioned rifles, the hole made by
the bullet being smaller and more even,
but on the whole the injuries are far
more terrible. The range Of the new
rifles is about 21S miles.