Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1894-09-08
WIT AND HUM0R.

Expect every man to do his duty, and
with all your expectations expect TO he
disappointed .- Gotrcston News.
1t is a matter of deep regret that the
kickers are so built that they cannot
kick themselves. -Atchis0n Globe.
There is much tenderness in this
seemingly cruel world, but the butcher
rarely finds it. -Cerehnd Paiadeaier.
Lady-Giye me Il glass of sarsaparilla
and one of those fried cakes. Waiter
(calling)-One sass an a crawler.-
Judge.
He-May | kiss the dainty handP
She On, yes, if it will give you any
pleasure. But where 10 | come IMP
Boston EcdcoH.
Mathilde Mr.. Hungcrford is a man
who thoroughly believes in himself.
Elaine-How very gullible he must lie.
-Broobtya Ltte.
Binks Have YOU read "The Heaven
" TNsins?' Minks-No, but / have
heard the h-l,sh tripIets in the flat
over mine. 49, Torn Topics.
Johnny" said the teacher. as a
jackass "A bipcd or "A q%uadruped?"
Please, sir" said Johnny, that de-
ponds on the jackass. life.
A lot of delegates are in town to at
tend the whist congress. Properly
enough they brought their rubbers
with thcm.-Pa addctphia Times.
Nodd-The ianitor's wife in our
4, ). - ,,,...t .,,.,.l.,,f lA.s,1y Al, ito,
morning. Todd How did you know
that? Nodd-Becau,e We had cream. -
IrHtk.
That new bullot-proof cloth may keep
out bullets. but has anyone tried il in a
pair of knickcrbockers for a small boy?
That should be the final tcst.-BagdtO
Express.
Just think. captain, the major has
actually married the rich old maid"
obviously he wanted TO have his
golden wedding at e."-Fliegcnde
Biaettcr.
May--I saw you kiss the maid in tho
hallway. blackwell, | just wanted to
get into practice. You don't want to
be kissed by an amateur, do you?--
Torn Topics.
a 5-year-old girl had been attending
Sunday school for several weeks, learn.
ing weekly 10 repeat the golden texts.
A few days ago her mother had ocs :
sion TO administer Il severe reprooi,
when the little one looked up undis-
mayed and slowly and calmly observed:
The Lord is on my side; | will not
fear" Ii was her goidea text of the
Sunday previous .-B0StOn Herdd.
Mamma Opening the latest book by
one of the modern school OF writer's for
children Now, Freddy, if YOU will be
Il real good little boy mamma will read
This pretty story to you, but ii you are
naughty she will stop. Freddy-lIl be
good, mamma. Ten minutes later.
i%nterrupting mamma in her reading.
Mamma, Mamma-What, dear? Fred
dy-i'm going 10 he naughty now!-
BaggutSc,ie .Uonhiy.
Thomas, you have disobe yed your
old grandmother" NO. ! didn't, ma"
Yes, you did. Have you not been in
swimming?" Yes, ma" Didn't |
hear her say to you not TO 90 in SWIM
ming?" oh, she didn't tel Us that;
she only came out and said: Boys, |
wouldn't 90 in swimming And |
shouldn't think she would, an old rheu-
matte woman like her; but she didn't
say anything about our goin' in SWIM
ming. "-Tc1aS SiGuHgs.
81 hope, sor, you will assist a poor
was in it, including me family, sor, was
burned up two months ago last Thurs.
day, sor." The merchant to whom this
appeal was addressed, while very phil
anthropic, is also very cautious. SO he
asked: Have You any papers OF GER
~tilicatc to show that you lost anything
by fire." Il did have a certificate, sor,
signed before a notary public, TO that
effect, but it was burned up, sor. in the
with me family and the rest Of
me effects. "-.LoHd0n it, Bits..