The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-04
RILK1Ns, NJ. A.

7fYETTN
The Major Gets His Heart Broken Again
An Adventure With the
Patent Range Man.
B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R.-''Hello! Major. Any news this
morning3"
B.-"No. I'm all broke up. This
sco operation business hes erbout ruint
me. I'm so sorry fer the members on
the Peoples party an the reform Re.
publikins / don't know what ter do. My
heart liz broke"
R.-''There issomething very strange
in your statements. You are not the
only Wall street Democrat who is go
ing around carrying his heart in a
sling. They are all shedding great big
briny tears because, as they say, the
Peoples party has compromised their
principles by 60 operating with the Re
publicans."
B.-"Yes, we dymakrats are nifty
careful erbout taking care ov our prin,
siples, and we want everybody ter do
the same. We hev bin nursin' the
Peoples party an lookin' after its
morals fer two years. We advized
Chairman Eaves ter not let the Peoples
party make a fule ov itself, but it didn't
do no guide. Chairman Eaves, Chair
man Pou an awl we dymakratick
polertishuns spent many sleepless hours
tryin' ter keep the Peoples party out
ov truble, but they are so headstrong. "
R.-"Yes, / know a good deal about
it all. Some of the democrats went so
far as to spend money to stop co opera
tion, but their efforts were futile. Now
that they are defeated they say Co
operation is just what they wanted
The two statements are very contra
dictory."
B.-"I reckon they are, but I can't
tell you which one ov EN- is rite till /
go ter town an hev a chat with Kur
mel johnson. / know one thing, an
that is, Betsy is nifty proud ov whut
hes bin done, an that looks sorter blue
fer we dymakrats. Betsy is putty nigh
always in her prognosticashuns
My heart liz broke"
R.-"Cheer up old man. The whole
thing means reform and good govern
ment. That ought to satisfy every
body"
B-"Yes, but it don't satisfy me. I
wuz ~expectin' er offs an I believe this
means that I wont get emmy soon.
They say the &C operationists have a
majority ov frum twenty to thirty
thousand in the State ter start with.
Oh my heart is broke"
RI heard the other day that one
of these patent stove cooking range
fellows had lifted you out of your
boots"
B.-'I didn't want that ter git out
but you hear everything. Ireckon I'll
have ter tell you erbout it. cum ter
the house the other day fer dinner an
Betsy lowed that one ov them stove
fellers Wuz there tryin' ter sell her a
patent cookin' range. She sed she
didn't want it at the price, which wuz
forty-fve dollars, but I could go an
talk ter him. I went to the front porch
an found him. He shook hands an
wanted ter know awl erbcut my health
an politicks. I tole him l wuz a strate
Cleveland dymakrat an wuz still
buildin' my hopes on the Presidents
backbone. He lowed he wuz, too, an
sed he wuz a cousin ter the President.
When he lowed that I jumped up an
shook hands with him ergin. Well, he
stayed fer dinner an talked so enter
tainingly erbout politicks an sed SO
many Mise things erbout the President,
that I fell in love with him. So I
bought a cookin' range an life haint bin
wurth livin' sinse. Invent ter town an
found I could buy the same range fer
twenty dollars. Ihed paid Cleveland's
cousin $45. I would jist like ter git
my hands on that Teller. Cleveland
would have one cousin less if I could
jist see him. Good bye"
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