Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-10-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Doing time--The lady who grows
younger every year.--Puck.
1t is usually great big man who
insults you. Globe.
The politicians favorite novel
"Put Yourself in His Place. Puck.
Many do heap of hard climbing in
search of easy grades Chicago Her
aid.
Order of the Bath-Come right out
Transcript.
No man can worry about how he
looks and keep his bank account grow
ing. --Atchison Globe.
Some people are of such happy dis
positions that thev never amount to
much.-Atchison Globe.
A great deal of the piety Of to-day
is thing of great beauty because it
is only skin deep. Puck.
Never put any confidence in the
answers of man who is afraid to say
81 don't know" occasionally.
Don't think that because a man has
done you favor he is under everlast-
ing obligations to you. PUCK.
Butter is prime while it's fresh but
q man has long lost his freshness when
he reaches his prime. Puck.
care you certainthat You love me?"
~ am" "But are you sure that you
are certain?" New York Press.
The lawyer who worked like horse
was engaged in drawing q convey
ance. Boston Commercial Bulletin.
May--''Next to man, what's the
jolliest thing you know ofY' Ethel
"Myself, if he's nice. "--Brooklyn Life.
One of the dampers of ambition is
the fact that the mantle of greatness
has to be worn as shroud too often.
Puck.
Ones own capacity is a poor stand
ard of measurement; the stars shine,
though my near-sightei neighbor deny
it.--Puck.
When man does not want to do
thing he says 81 cannot;" when he
cannot do it he says 81 don't want
to. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
The average dwarf is at very Sc
rious disadvantage. No matter how
large his income he is always sure to
be short. Buffalo Courier.
When boy goes out West hunting,
and writes home that he killed deer,
he can fool his mother, but he can't
fool his father. r.-Atchison Globe.
AS the express dashes through the
station-"O, porter, doesn't that
train stop here?" Porter "No, mum;
it don't even hesitate. Tit-Blts.
To his mate the caterpillar said
In a tone of caution, soft and low,
AS they clung to the branch just overhead.
Get onto the the girl in the hammock below.
Washington Star.
A man regards his newspaper much
as he does his wife something to find
fault with when he feels cross and
something he never approves f--Atch-
ison Globe.
81 love to listen to the patter of tho
rain on the roof" said the miserly
poet. 81 suppose you do" said his
wife. cts q cheap amusement. -
Harper's Bazaar.
Dora-''Don't you think my gowns
fit better than they used to?' Cora
"Yes. Your dressmaker told me yes
terday she was taking lessons in geome-
try. Harlem Life.
Mr.. Oldstyle-"I don't think that
college education amounts to much"
Mr.. Sparerod-"Don't you? Well,
you ought to foot my boys bills and
see. New York World.
No woman is such slouch at mathe
matics that she can't tell in half
minute how much her husband would
save in the course of year if he
shaved himself. --Atchison Globe.
One of the unexplained mysteries
of life IS how difficult it is sometimes
to get into comfortable position when
you go to bed and how unusual to
find one that isn't comfortable when
you have to get up. Puck.
Jinks ION the rail- ~ was talking
with an eminent physician in the
smoker" Mrs. Jinks-"What is his
name?" "He didn't mention it, and
/ did not like to ask. " "Ihen why do
you think he is au eminent physi-
cian?' II asked him what was the
best cure for consumption, and he
said he didn't know. Puck.
Cabman lat library D." Say, is this
here the novel you advised me to
read?" Librarian eyes that's the
one. Clbman well, you can take
it back There's nine people in the
first four chapters who hired cabs,
and each of 'em when he got ont 'hung
his purse to the driver Now when
want that sort OF literature. I'll SO
TO Jules Verne and get it pure, CHI
eaao Record.