The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-05-08

7T1YRTXN
Offering a Reward for a Party That is
Lost, IStrayed or Stolen-zeke
Willing to Buy a Seat in
the Legislature.
B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R.-"Good morning, Major. Any
late newsG'
B.Z'Nothin' very exsiten only I've
lost my party or got lost myself, [
don't no which. 1 believe I'll offer a
reward fur it or fur miself."
Republics that is the proper
thing to do. You cannot afford to stay
lost, and if it is your party that is lost,
you ought to try to find it."
B.-"I know whut; I'll git Betsy ter
rite sum sort ov an advertisement.
Here il whut she hes writ: Lost,
strayed or stolen, 1 partie. Descrip-
shun: Purity guide size, or wuz when
last seen; alters talkin' erbout wantin'
a chanse. It use ter be ergin national
banks; waz oppozed to bonds; was fer
greenbacks, free homage; waz ergin a
hi tariff, ergin Ear Reed an iz billyun
dollar Kongris an Idon't no whut awl.
Emmy infermashun leadin' ter the ar
rost an convickshun ov this partie
will be thankfully reserved and pade
fer hi Zeke Bilkins.' How is that fer a
notis ov rewards"
R.-'That will answer, I suppose.
Now get Mrs. Bilkins to write one for
yourself"
B.-"Awl rite. She hes just finished
this: Reward. Lost, 1 man. De-
scripshun: Erbout sicks feat HE, ball
he'd, sharpe knows, wart on hjz knock,
2 frunt teath gone, tells the treWth
when he thinks erbout it; alters bin a
Demmykrat, but kant keep up with
hiz party. He wants offs awl the time,
an shores in hiz sleap.' Say, how will
that du fer a teller whut don't no whar
he liz at9"
R.-"Oh! that will do. 1t doesn't
matter whether you are found or not
A man with a bald head ought to h6 We
sense enough to find himself, anyhow.
Write to Capt. Coke, Major Bill Rob
bins, @. B. Aycock Or Mr.. Glenn.
Either Of those gentlemen ought to be
able to tell you where you are at"
B.-''Say, you r ennuff ter make
old Job mad. 1 don't believe they
know whar they are at. Capt, Coke
tole US in the campane that every man
could hev a bank ov hjz own if hour
party got in, but 1 haint seed nothin'
but the ole red clay bank in frunt ov
mi house yit. Sum ov them lowed we
would hev free homage, too; sed if we
didn't hev free homage thet we farmers
mite cut their heads off with a cross
cut saw. Sum ov them lowed tina
would eat a blind mule raw if we didn't
git free homage providin' Cleveland
wuz elected"
rand you are standing with
your mouth open, ready for these
sharp men to fool you again"
BIT don't know erbout that, fer
you see I'm lost an offerin' a reward
fer myself. I can'ttel yit whether I'll
git fooled ergin Or not. If the bosses
say git fooled I'll have it ter do, 1
reckon. Betsy says 1 shant be fooled
emmy more. She lows she is goin' ter
git the court ter appint a gardian fer
me before fall so I won't play the baby
emmy more. You see I'm awl rite an
no Whut ter do, but I don't no how
ightnin' is goin' ter strike this summer.
liz I wuz sartin / wouldn't git homer
mated fer emmy offs on the Demykratic
ticket, I do believe I'd vote fer Betsy
an the chaps, but you see I must look
out fer number 1. If I would git left
erbout this offs dizziness l would never
die satisfied. I'd see snakes an dream
dreams awl the rest of my material life.
I'd give my best mule and a COW ter
be able ter name one ov the next mem,
bers ov the legislature Zeke Bilkins.
Goodbye"
JUST LIKE TWO SCHOOL GIRLS.
M WASHINGTON oo+ re tho