The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1894-06-01
SOME HARD WORDS.
An Ingenious Exercise Which Nigh t
Be Used In Schools.

Be Used In Schools.
Tfso Story of an Indian Fracas Containing
Many Curious Words-Try> Your Hand
and See Whether You Have the Up to
Date Pronunciation,
The following ingenious narrative has
been arranged by the Boston Transcript
as an e1erclse in pronunciation. Certainly
the young man or woman who can pro-
nounce correctly all the words in this story
is worthy OF medal in photography The
passage Is worth reproduction as a school
exercise, for which we commend it to
teachers:
On the morning of July 4, $685. the
faculties OF Young Man With Many Hands
were early disinthralled from the desue-
tude of sleep by the supererogatory squall-
ing of pygmean grimalkin, who was dem
onstrating his fealty to the tepee by q
fracas with asomewhat phthisical intruder
of the same species Young Man With
Many HANGS, it should be explained, had
won his sobriquet at the agency buildings,
where it was agreed with perfect unanim-
ity, when an inventory was taken after he
letu lua0C d lCW DITCH anu iulUFIudl CdllS,
that two was an absurdly small number
of hands with which to accomplish SO
much in SO short time. Thus rudely torn
from happy visions of empyreal realms,
our Briarean hero, without pretense to
equability of mind, seized piece of oolite,
fragment OF adobe and a parcel of ipecac-
uanha, all of which he hurled at the fight
ing felines, whereupon the imbroglio
ceased.
With somewhat truoulent mien he dis
posed OF the morning repast, and then to
secure eupepsy opened flask of cognac A
moiety thereof had hardly disappeared be-
fore he was in an irremediable state of in
ebriety A psychical uplifting ensued, and
from phleglnatic condition almost bor-
dering upon the hypochondriacal he
emerged in light and jocund mood, albeit
avariable one Filling his pipe with kinni-
kinic, vigorous use of the respiratory
organs soon produced dense clouds of
smoke, and he pulled away with an ease
and dignity which, though one would not
indulge in undue disparagement, fell
slightly short of the recherche nonchalance
of Harvard sophomore with his cheroot
He then donned mauve dyed robe of
mohair, which, sad to relate, he had Sc
cured on Quinquagesima Sunday by a
monetary transaction with Big Kitten, a
young buck of neighboring camp, and
with merry vocal improvisation set forth
for walk. In his belt he carried a xiphoid
scalping knife, fashioned from the tusk of
a narwhal upon one side of which was a
naiad in intaglio and upon the other GER
tain reconcile logarithmic calculations
scratched in red ink by an itinerant col
porteur with an arithmetical turn of mind
in return for few bits of wampum.
He chose frequented route through the
woods and would have proceeded without
much difficulty had he not slipped upon a
piece of spermaceti and fallen heavily. At
that spot the residence of the ground was
not marked, and in somewhat irregular
orthoepy he denounced in terms scarcely
sacerdotal the NAVY who had dropped the
treacherous article. He then continued on
his way, but had not gone far when his
progress was arrested by series of vigor-
GUS blasts from that instrument yclept the
ophicleide
Advancing cautiously in the direction of
the sounds, he came upon the edge of a
clearing and beheld none other than Big
Kitten, attired in costume comparable
only to his own, sitting before the door of
hut and panegyrizing the father of his
country in the heinous manner previously
described. Young Man With Many Hands
was stirred to wrath at the sight. For a
brief period he held Big Kitten under sur
veillance, and then, with furtive glance
behind, approached the offending musician
and demanded without preliminary par
lance the latter's right of seizin.
Big Kitten, thus taken by surprise,
adopted conciliatory tactics and explained
that puisne justice, by mesne and other
processes on behalf of the posthumous
child of distant blood relation, had en-
feoffed to him the land in fee simple two
myrmidons and a miUoscopist having wit
messed the deed.
This closed the Conversations, for Young
Man With Many Hands, his rage not
abated, and still suffering from mental
aberrance resulting from the cognac, be-
gan to lombard the inoffensive Big Kitten
with orchis and gladioli bulbs, at the same
time impugning the consanguinity Of the
latter's relative. These vagaries aroused
Big Kitten, who would brook no blot upon
his escutcheon. He hastily drew a toy pis-
tol, and after decorating few paper caps
threw 1t at his opponent with force that
showed his brachial muscles to be not
AdCCiu. L ue COmDaGanU6 GQeQ grappleQ,
but only few moments sufficed to show
that either cuirass for defense or a palfrey
for flight would be necessary if Young
Man With Many Hands hoped to evade the
subtle and machiavelian tactics of the
other.
No subtle process Of ratiocination was
needed to show him this, so he speedily
pleaded for an armistice. Big Kitten mag
nanimity here asserted itself, and the plea
was granted, whereupon Young Man With
Many Hands painfully withdrew, signing
for palanquin. The eagle had long re-
treated to his eyrie and the sun was near
the nadir before he sank to sleep again
amid the squaler of the tepee, firmly con-
WINGED that the pleasures of the wassail are
at best supposititious, and, like all counter
feits, to be avoided af
That night he did not dream of empyrea
REALMS but that naive leyiathan escorted
him around the zodiacal circle, and that
at Pisces was q gallows at the foot of
which an uxorious diocesan functionary
holding in his hand book on esoteric
Buddhism, stood ready to solemnize the
final act while government agent sat
upon glacier below, hulnming an ele-
f --@-