The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-02-06

The Fatal Mistake That Took Old 81
Simmons Away.

the benefit OF his health, but that his
spirit, if he had one, has winged its
way to that land beyond the skies. He
is stone dead and duly planted, and we
trust that We will not be charged with
egotism when we say that wepulledof
the funeral in our usual suave and
graceful manner, and that not the
slightest hitch occurred from start 20
finish.
While old 81 was nearly so years Of
age, he had the promise Of ABOUT go
more if he held himself in. He had
only one speciality, and that was try
ing to scare a tender-foot out of his
boots. Whenever a soft and juicy
stranger came limping into town, old
ST claimed him as his mutton. InfaciaI
expression he resembled a bewhiskered
wolf, while his figure reminded one of
a two hump camel. To these he added
a voice like the below of an enraged
buffalo and a cooked eye which seemed
to be ever searching for a fresh victim.
One day a year ago we saw the old
al jump on a tenderfoot from Ohio
and brighten him into a fit which tied
him up in a knot. We then gave him
some fatherly advice to the effect that
a limping, dead broke and discouraged
stranger would come along some day
and fail to see the point of his joke. He
resented our advice, and we have had
him marked Deceased" on our note
book aver since
Tuesday last, as we stood in front Of
the postofice, we saw a pilgrim COM
ing in on the road from Mohave City.
He had a bundle on his back, q stick In
his hand, and his general appearance
denoged seven blisters on his feet and
his native State as Rhode Island. He
had come from atapF I'd faile / to strike
a job and was in no mOod for funny
business. Old 81 caught sight : the
stranger about the same time, and he
borrowed an extra gun from Hank
Watson, mixed hay in his venerable
whiskers and hid in the alley beyond
the p~ostOfiee. We could near the old
man chuckle and see his sides shake
with laughter from where we stood.
The tenderfoOt was taking it lei5urely,
lifting his feet high and cussing the
country as he set them down again,
but he finally approached the alley.
At the proper moment old ST leaped
out. He had a gun in either hand, q
thunder cloud on his face, and his yell
lifted our heels off the walk. He con-
fdently expected to jump that clam
eater over an eight foot billboard and
across a mile of sand. But, alas, his
wheel wobbled! Maybe the pilgrim
was expecting just such a welcome,
and maybe he was a chap who could
gather his nerve in about a second. At
any rate old Sis voice was still shaking
the shingles on the nearest building
when the wayfarer out with a gun and
plugged him three times as fast az he
could pull the trigger. Theday Nevada
Bill pulled our editorial nose we fired
six shots in II seconds, but the tender
foot certainly beat our time, and every
one of his bullets was beautifully
placed.
Old 81 was a dead joker when we got
to him. He probably lived long enough
to realize that our fatherly advice had
been intended for his benefit, and that
for once in his life he had bitten off
IL ore than he could chaw. The stranger
sat down on a dry goods box and
waited to be arrested, but he was not
taken into custody. He did just ex-
actly as we should have done. Out In
this country every gun is supposed to
be loaded day and night. When q
shooting iron is leveled on a person,
the idea is that the chap who holds it
means to shoot. That's the first idea.
The second is to get the first shot.
While the stranger was a tenderfoot,
hungry, link and played out, he knew
the custom of the country as well as
the Oldest inhabitant. His statement
to the ~coroner's jury vas plain and
straightforward, and he didb't waste
words by saying he was sorry for what
had occurred. A purse of 50 was made
up for him, but he refused it and hob.
bled on his way toward the setting
sun.
There are n or two other jokers In
this town who should take warning by
| old Sis sudden end. Sometimes you
can monkey with a tenderfoot md have
more fun than a barrel of Jews harps.
At other times you run up against a
| streak Of hot lead and are done for.
| The old man was neither a good citizen