Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-04-12
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughab1e Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
Sprinkles of Spice.

Iuc CdDIudn. -10XdS plIUluBS.
A DIsAGREEABLE Easter affair-a
northeaster. Lowell Courier.
THE robber usually attacks train
in tender place. Plain Dealer.
THE Order of the Garter-"Give me
a yard and half of red silk elastic,
please. Truth.
TIMES must be better when Easter
flowers fling scents in the highways.
Becord.
A WOMAN may be very timid, but
she is never afraid to strike bar
gain.-Glens Falls Republican.
THE clown may be thick-headed,
but he is usually quick to take a
tumble. -Glens Falls Republican.
AsKEM-I thought that Simpsons
fever had gone off. Torker-So it
did, but Simpson went off with it
Vogue.
WIFE-What are you coming home
for at this time in the morning?
Husband-For brek' flush. -Pearson's
Weekly.
p. HANGING committee" at art ex-
hibitions is so called because it keeps
the artists in suspense. -9onkers
Gazette.
IT is not every sentimental girl
that cries, Lord, lord" that gets
decent, foreign husband. -Cincinnati
Plain Dealer.
WoMAN's fondness for bargains is
not to her discredit. She loves what
is cheap as well as what is dear to her.
Philadelphia Times.
THE boy whose mother goes to
spank him always believes that it is
more blessed to give than to receive.
Florida Times Union.
SPEAKING Of capital punishment, it
is generally case of poor execution
when woman undertakes to hang
wall paper-Buffalo Courier.
SHE-Who is that gruff old man
you just spoke to? He-Oh, he has
something to do with the civil
service. -Yonkers Statesman.
OLD LADY-My friend, are you
Christian? Beggar-Well, mum, no
one has ever accused me of workin'
on Sunday.-New York Weekly.
NELL-"What are you reading?"
Belle" "A Model Man It's dread
fully stupid" Nell-"Yes, they
usually are. "-Phlladelphia Record.
LUCY-And you're going to marry
that rich old fellow! Do you realize
what you're doing? Molly-Certain-
ly, coming the seigniorage!-Plain
Dealer.
PAssENGER-"I say, conductor,
there's an old gentleman falling off
the bus" Conductor-"That's all
right; he's paid his fare. "-Pearson's
Weekly.
"WA'LL, now, if that don't beat ALL
I've just been readin' about them
Colorado rainmakers, and now | see
they've got Clearing House in New
York. Life.
"AND now" said the new secretary,
"yez may all riZe, an whin | call the
roll livery wan who is prisint may sit
down; all the rist remain sthandin'.
-Elmira Gazette.
WHEN a man loses an umbrella it
begins to grow on him right away
what good umbrella that was and
how nicely the handle was fitted to
his hand. -Somerville Journal.
MR. DooLEY-"Gimme a bar of
soap, please" Shopman-"Yes, sir.
Do you want it scented or unscent-
ed?" Dooley "Aw-niver moind;
I'll Just take it wild me- Brooklyn
Life.
HIT am one oh de fus' principles
oh jommerty," said Uncle Eben, dat
er man KANT make is life er COM
plete round oh pleasure an at de
same time keep it square. Wash
ingtOn Star.
HER ONLY LONGING. Mrs Norris
-"Since [ have been married [ have
had only one wish unqualified. Mr..
Norris - "And what is that, my
DEAR" Mrs. Norris" That / were
single again. Life.
FIRST YOUNG LADY-Do you al
ways buy two kinds of paper? Sec
ond Young Lady-Always. You see,
when I write to Charlie I use red
paper: that means love. When / an
swer Jim's letters | use blue paper.
which means faithful unto death"
Brooklyn Life.
MISTER" said the small, neatly
dressed boy, shave you seen anythin'
of a dog that looked like he was losto"
aNo. my boy" replied the kindly
faced gentleman. Are you sure you
aren't lost YOURSELF" mo, sir. /
Amt sure about not bein' lost. Fact
is. know I'm lost. But, mister,
that dogs lost so much wuss'n I am
that T amt got time TO think bout
vown trouhles Washington Star.