Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1894-02-08
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
lNGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to
Have Been Recently Born-Sayfngs and
Doings that Are Odd, Curious, and Laugh
able--The Weeks Humor.
Let Us All Laugh.


his carriage. Florida Times Union.
BREWERS should belong to the or
der of Knights of Malta. -Picayune.
ARDENT SPIRITs-Those that kiss
the medium at a seance. Texas Slft-
ings.
"NEvER too old to learn" does not
apply to after the Ball. "-Elmira
Gazette.
CUT off ROSTERS spurs and you
| take the italics all out of his crow
RAMS Horn.
THE neighbours bulldog may teach
a man to lead a chased life. Florida
Times-U Union.
A DEAF MUTE can scarcely be said
to have pronounced ideas. -Phila-
! delphia Record.
The man who gets in office may be
called the master Of the situation. -
Florida Times Union.
THEATRICAL companies that do the
least walking are those with the most
legs. -Elmira Gazette.
For constant cheerfulness the lum-
| DeTuldu takes uIC CdlAC. uC Is tlW
clipper. Lowell Courier.
JOHNNY, is your father firm
MANI" Eyes, nom; when he knows
he's wrong. PLAIN Dealer.
"Now. 1 WANT to give you point, !"
/ said the doctor as he prepared to jab
his lancet. boston Traveller.
THE cook book recipe is too often
like the disappointing novel. 1t does
| not come out right. Tran
script.
EVERY woman thinks there should
he law to protect her husband from
paying bet that he loses. -Atchison
| Globe.
J1LsoN says that under the laws
against gambling bookmaker's con-
tracts are not binding. - Buffalo
Courier.
CALLING womans dress dream
is polite way of saying that the cost
of it gives her husband nightmare.
st. Paul News.
WIFE-What kind of cards do you
think make the best calling cards?
Husband (absent-mindeD - Aces -
| Rochester Democrat.
IT is comparatively easy to go to a
foreign port, but wine experts say
that precious little foreign port comes
to us.-Lowell Courier.
"BILKEIN's is a strong face, or I'm
no Judge of physiognomy. 1t ought
to be. He and his whole family are
living on Buffalo Courier.
A KENsINGToN man calls his dog
! "Traction, because as soon as he let's
him out of the house he goes tearing
up the reet.-Philadelphia Record.
MOST people get their grip checked
! if they are going away. Some people
WHO fail to get their grip checked in
time go away never to return. Troy
| Press.
JINKs-I don't think it looks we'll
for a minister to wear diamonds.
Filkins-Why not? Aren't there SER
mons in stones?-kate Fields Wash
ington.
81 WONDER what this image repre-
sents?" "The god of humor, prob
ably. Don't you see that it is full OF
little funny cracks?"-Indianap
! Journal.
JINKs-"Don't you believe that
spirits are all moonshine?" Filkins
-sOh, no; some of them pay inter-
nal revenue taxes. Kate Fields
Washington.
81 SEE they have founded new
secret order and called it The Su-
irene Tribe of Ben Hur.' as that
so? Well. such an order has never
been heard Of.
Il WONDER how it was discovered
that fish was brain food:" She
Probably by the wonderful stories
that men tell who go fishing. Chi
cago Inter Ocean.
PROF. LANGLEY'S efforts to devise
practical aerial machine are now
being seconded by Prof. Graham Bell,
who is taking a flyer that way
Philadelphia Ledger
WHENEVER man fails his wife
tells the public that he was too "con-
/ scientious" to succeed. What she
| tells him in private is sometimes diff
| ferent. Globe.
DINwIDDIE - "Bookkeepers and
| sleight-of-hand performers have much
| in common" Van Braam-"How
| SOP" Dinwiddie-"They both flourish
| in the ledger domain. "-Pittsburg
| Chronicle.
MINKs-What earthly use have you
cot for six horses? Winks-Guess
| YOU don't know much about horses.
| do YOU? Minks-N-n-o. Winks-I
| keep six SO that will always have
two that won't have anything the
matter with them. New York Re-
| corder.