The record-union., 1894-03-15
A COUNTRY DANCE.
A HighfaIuting Shindig That Had No
Flies On 1t.
How Loos Led the German and Splint-
cred Up the Floor in Wild
Delirious Shuttle.

Friday afternoon yellow cart contain
ing red necktie and man with maiden
hair fern whiskers drove up in front of
the care-dispelling establishment where
l hang out and said he wanted me to put
on my celluloid cuffs and accompany
him to John Jimson's, where there was
to be shindig that night. The man with
the corey necktie was stranger to me,
but could see at a glance that he was a
perfect gentleman. He wore a diamond
as large as an insulator on telegraph
pole and which could not be bought in
any hardware store for less than 81 80, re-
tail. Sending word home that l had gone
out to the hospital TO sit up with sick
friend, jumped into the cart. l believe
it to be every married mans duty to in
form his wife when he intends to remain
away from home over night, state where
he is going and what he proposes doing
when he gets there. In this way conjugal
felicity is permitted to felic right along
without any 1atiron or broomstick inter-
ruptions. Never lie to your wife if you
IDlDh tl0I0 10 t10 oliShIOos OodSOi VI hCA
finding it out.
The drive to Jimson's was not very
enjoyable one, but my companion from
the country endeavored to make every
thing as comfortable for me as possible.
He held my cuffs, wrapped up in q paper,
on his lap all the way out to keep them
from breaking. Some of the mudholeS
were filled up with hogs, and by whip
ping up his old gold roadster we man
m
get out of the way, thus avoiding getting
mired down. Ever and anon porker
would stick to the wheel and revolve
around and swat me on my alaDaSter
neck. The driver was full of mischief
and other intoxicating beverages, and l
was not sorry when we reached Jimson's
and I was helped off the front gears of a
lumber wagon IN Swoon. Jimson's
three dogs, which looked like animated
cross-cut saws. were real glad to see me,
and came forward and sampled me in
tender places. One OF the CANNES got a
loud stripe from my Plymouth Rock pants
crosswise in his throat and choked to
death. Jimson, as he escorted me into
the house, said that he valued that par
ticular dog very highly, but rather than
take the matter into the courts he would
compromise for fifty cents and piece of
chewing tobacco.
Il
when / entered the house and deposited
my overshoes on the kitchen stove to
Try. Excusing myself for a moment
went out behind the barn and slipped
into my cuffs. Returning to the house,
Jimson arose and addressed the assem-
blage as follows:
"Boys and gals, want you ali to be-
have yourselves as gentlemen. This is
going to be the most hightalutin' shindig
that has taken part in this neck OF the
woods since Towser was pup, and don't
you forgit it. This here ball is to go off
jist like one of them city blowouts. L
have sent to Red Bluff for Mr.. Loos and
the fandango starts with german. L
don't know what a German Is, but she
has got TO start that way. My friend from
Red Bluff will lead it. Gentlemen chaw
ners of the room and not i'll the center of
the floor, where the gals dresses will git
in it. Turn her looSe.'
Lead German! l couldn't lead dog,
but something had to be done. The or
chestra was perched on top Of bed in
the corner OF the room and seemed TO be
impatient. SeiZing shy young thing
who had Just budded into womanhood
about the close of the war, we took
position on the floor and | instructed the
others to fall in behind us. The orchestra
struck up in a sad, uncertain way little
gem cataIogIed as The DEVILS Dream"
If the production was faithful, the devil
must have eaten cord or two of mince
pies and then had the nightmare. All
hands marched and counIermarched
around the cook stove and over it for
about three hours and the devil kept on
dreaming at the orcheStras lnStigation.
Jinson took IA gun down from over the
mantle and threatened to shoot the cleo
trio lights out OF every one present if that
idiotic foreign dance was not cut OH short.
He said that as | was leader OF the Ger
man l would confer a favor upon him If /
would lead tue thing out of doors ard
drown il in the spring. 1t was Jimson's
dance and l had nothing to say, but l
with that German for few hours longer
lust 10 see what | could make out of it.
The next dance was a Rock and Rye
waltz. My partner was j real chic little
angel, whose dress was cut decOllete with
a reck lessness that made ME wish that |
was far. far away. Glueing my eye OH
knot hole in the ceiling l closed the other,
and we 6sished nladly around the room
in the may To that standard country air
or atmosphere designated by musicians
as The DEVILS Dream" Every once In
a while we would get into blockade and
couldn't make any headway. and then we
would indulge in wild, delirious shuttle
and splinter up a couple or yards OF floor
inc until the blockade was broken.
The orchestra played all night in splen-
did time and with much expression, but
its repertoire consisted wholly of that
maGdening, slxteenth-note atrocity, 1.-The
DEVILS Dream" WaltZes. quadrilies,
schottisches, pollias and yorks were all
danced to that tune, and when 1 spoke to
the orchestra about it near the dawn of
morning he put on his hat, demanded his
dollar and a half ana struck across a
plowed field for home. This broke up
the dance, and l put in all that day TAX
ing young lady home-the one with the
abbreviated bodice. She said she only
lived u short distance from Jimson's and
she knew l would enjoy the walk. have
since learned that the distance was
twenty-three miles. / am glad / did not
contract to take girl home who lived a
long ways from Jimson' 's.-R. Beers Loos,
in the he'd Bluff News.