Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1894-06-07
REPUBLICAN MATTERS.
BATTING A GREAT STATESMAN.
Cruelty to Democrats Practiced on the
Hon. Lnhn NJ. Bnlmer.


Hon. John NJ. Palmer.
The information which reaches the
New York Tribune through the
pages of The Congressional Record
leads it to believe that an eminent
Western statesman, the Hon. John
M. Palmer, of Illinois. is not receiv-
ing at the hands of his associates in
the senate the Difference and con-
sideration to which his years, his
attachments and his virtues entitle
him.
Mr.. Palmer is one of the Vests
favorite sons. He belongs TO the
school of the Wabash Sycamores.
He is powerful of lung, garrulous of
speech. a fountain of resoundsng
platltudes, and as impatient of the
restraints of information and logic
as the zebra and the wild gazelle are
of the bride and the breeching-strap.
Elderly but ardent, rickety but inn
pulsive, venerable but frisky, the
Hon. j. NJ Palmer is at once pictur-
esque, surprising and profound.
There is no subject of human contro'
versy upon which he is not prepared
to talk for the edifcation of the SEN
ate. Modelled upon the lines of that
illustrious blatherskite. the Hon.
Daniel w. Voorhees,, and rivalling in
windiness the very caves OF Boreas,
he presents to the senate combina-
tion of Captain Jack Bunsby and
Mrs. Nickleby, the like of which has
never been seen upon the earth.
| Nobody has ever tapped him without
starting mountain torrent of con-
versation. Nobody has started him
with the result of obtaining either
fact or reason. He splutters and
gesticulates and talks upon the
smallest provocation, and nothing
less than physical exhaustion stops
him. His eloquence is like the chat
ter of birds or the cracking of thorns
under a pot
Nevertheless, we do not approve
the manner in which the Hon. John
M. Palmer, of Illinois, is treated
almost every day by the other sena-
tors, and especially the Republicans.
The Record, unfortunately, does not
give the exact time at which Mr..
Palmer is in the habit Of engaging
in debate, but from a number Of in
dications we suspect it to be near
o'clock, the hour he returns from the
restaurant below, filled with com
missary stores and-enthusiasm. His
entrance, it seems, is the signal for a
wicked and irreverent ribaldry calcu-
lated to make the judicious grieve.
No sooner does the Hon. John M.
Palmer take his seat and cast a proud
but rheumy eye over the assemblaGe
than the batting of that power
full statesman begins. Whether
it be the duty on isoceles triangles
or the relation between the politica
hypothenuse and the bias of jurispru
dence, or the capacity of chimera ru
minating in a vacuum to devour sec
Ond intentions, that eminent states
man rises to the bait with a fervol
that beggars eulogy. He gets upor
his honorable legs and shakes out
his chin whiskers to the breeze and
makes the very welkin SILVER with
his noise. He talks of tweedledun
and tweedledee, of the Pebble tina
has no toes, of the people he love!
with all his heart, and the Dong
with the luminous nose. And, We
regret to say it, Messrs. Aldrich an(
Chandler and Hale, and others TOT
numerous to mention, sit around anC
picnic on that great mans fervor.
We repeat; it is not right 1t il
almost wicked. The Hon John NJ
Palmer is a distinguished and
mighty statesman. He is fountain
that gushes at the lightest touch
and his language is like the tears 0
Niobe-it slobbers on forever. The,
should not bait that hoary patri
arch nor stir the waters of his turgiC
eloquence. 1t is cruelty to Demo
Gratis, and, what is worse, it check
the flow Of Democratic statesman
ship. Let up on the Hon. John M
Palmer. we say, and usher in the ia
millennium at once.