The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1894-05-19
NEIHART. MONTANA, MAY 10. 1894.
THE BOOK OF GROVER.
AS Recorded by Hezekiah the
Scribe.


begat Ruth and Esther and the panic
and the Hawaiian trouble, were vexed |
with vexation exec edingly, inasmuch
as they listed not to the locality
where they abided at. For behold,
in the beginning they girded up their
loins and went before the people
crying in loud voice: "Verily we
say unto all men that we are Grover
ties from exceeding far back, and
woe unto ye who forget it. And
verify we hold in great detestation
that which the children of men call
the tariff, for is it not thing fash
ioned by our enemies, the same
which licked the everlasting stuffing
out of us from generation to genera
ton? Yea, verify, this same little
protective tariff, it buildeth furnaces
in the valley and smoke stacks on
the mountain top; it turneth the
wheels of progress and causeth the
desert to blossom like unto green
bay tree. Wherefore do we of the
tribe of Grover the Great, despise
the same as curse and an abomina-
ton in the sight Of men. Yea, as
stencil that offendeth our nostrils,
the same which we smell from afar
off.
"And behold, in the great and ter
rible day of the ballot, when the
armies of voters be gathered together,
shall we arise in our mite and smite
our enemies into mincemeat. Yea,
we shall lay them out cold on the
platform of free trade and cover them
over with planks of tariff reform, and
our enemies shall be scattered like
unto the leaves of the forest, for
Grover shall send them into frag-
ment like unto potter's vessel
which has been smitten by the flip
per of youth, and then shall the
end come. For in that day shall our
banner be planted on the outer wall
of the great citadel of the nation, and
we shall bow down unto Grover our
deliverer who shall henceforth be
known as our Savior on Mount Buz-
zard, and he shall reign four more
years and shall shower good times
and fat Offices and special messages
and free raw materials upon us in
rich abundance forever. The black
smoke of industry shall no longer
obscure the MONDAY sun and the
farmer shall wear pants woven in
foreign ports and socks from the
isles of the sea.
"And it was even so. And after
the space of time Grover, who was
a mighty fisher, girded up his loins
and his chattels and his cabinet and
went up and pitched his tent over
against the capitol which is in the
land of Columbia, and the band
played "Behold, the cat hath come
back!" Now, when Grover was
crowned king of the nation, it came
to pass that he was puffed up in the
pride of his heart and his other Wis
cera, inasmuch as his raiment became
several cubits too small to contain
his Job lots. And he shook himself
by the hand, which is after the man
ner of his tribe, and spake unto him
self saying: ala, ha, behold, ar
monarch of all can get. Foul
more years of Grover-four more
years of clover. Oh. America
America, how often would have
, gathered ye under my wing, but y'
would not; but now have ye upor
my hip and ye are confronted with /
condition, not theory; for behold
will rule or ruin ye. Yea, verify, tt
, commence with, will brandish my
great silver sword and all who be
lieveth and do my will shall be saveo
l and all who don't shall 60 broke
, And | will call my soothsayers to
5 gether and they shall tinker with th'
3 tariff, and when they have finished
S their tinkering, Mckinley, the fathe
l of the factory, will not recognize tn
: same. And it shall come to pas
: that all ye who hearken to the soun'
of my voice shall have sewing ma
y chimes from Glasgow at cost and tel
!. off, and corrugated copper gasket
t from the ends of the earth.
sAnd when Grover had spak
e these words he crew thrice and tn
4 people went out and wept bitterly
Il And after the space of time it cam
e to pass that when the shepherds too
Il e