Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1894-03-12
JUST FOR FUN.

Mamma" said Mabel, eff people
eat up all the toadstools, what will
the toads do when they want to sit
DOWN."
convex with reference to himself, but
concave with reference to others.
| Lenten Excuse-You don't mean to
say that you are going to the theater
in Lent, are your" eyes; that's just
the reason. The tickets are lent.o
Tommie Cooking thoughtfully into
his aquarium Mamma, think the
worst thing about being a little fish
would be having a mamma without
any lap.
| Miss observation-disclosures to be rath-
er a good year this for fruit, Giles.
| Are all your trees as full Of apples as
that one? Giles-Oh, nav, only the
apple trees.
Pat Sure tonne was invinted in
ovid Ireland. Jeweller-Why do you
think so? Pat-D' yez be Uhinkin' it's
name would be o'clock if it didn't
come from the ovid sod?
"No, I don't know much about the
poetry of notion" said the literary
editor, ''but," tossing the verses into
the waste paper basket, 81 can give
you an illustration Of the motion Of
poetry"
A man said to Bishop Wilberforce,
"Pray, sir, can you tell plain man
in a single sentence the way to heav-
en?" "Certainly," was the instant re-
| ahead!''
MADAM, have you receipt for this
| pie?'' said the tramp. Eyes; would
you like to have a copy of it?" replied
the good woman. "No, madam, but I
should like to destroy the original"
said the tramp.
Catarrh in the bead is undoubtedly a dis
ease of the blood, and as such only reliable
blood purifier effect perfect aud perma-
! nent Hoods Sarsaparilla is the best
blood purifier, and it has cured many very Sc
we're of catarrh. Catarrh oftentimes
| leads to consumption Take Hoods Sarsa-
| parilla before it is too late.
| Hoods Pills do not purge, pain or grippe, but
act promptly, easily and efficiently. % cts.
She-You mustn't try to kiss me at
the station, for there are SO many
people there. He (protestingly)-But
every one will think we are brother
and sister. She-Apd we will be, too,
if YOU attempt it.
Servant-Mrs. Youngwife wants you
to send up five gallons Of mustard,
right away. Storekeeper-What is
she going to do with SO much mustard
miss? Servant-The baby is sick, and
the doctor ordered a mustard bath for
| it.
A school teacher who had been tell
ing the story of David ended with,
''and all this happened over 5000
years ago" A little cherub, it's blue
eyes opening wide with wonder, said,
after moments thought: ooh, dear,
what memory you have got.'
A letter written with ones own
hand is considered more respectful
than any other. According to the
/ Louisville Recorder, Bishop Barring
ton, whose handwriting is eXecrable,
wrote to correspondent, Tout of re-
spect I write to you with my own
hand; but, to facilitate the reading, I
send you copy, made by my amenu-
ensis.''
A French priest, who had usually a
very small audience, was one day
preaching at the church in his village,
when, the doors being open, gander
and several geese came stalking up
the aisle. The preacher, availing
himself of the circumstances, observ-
ed ''that he would no longer find
fault with his district for non attend
ance, because, though they did not
come themselves, they sent their rep
resentatives."
It Should Be in Every House.
J. 5. Wilson, 81 Clay St., Sharpsburgh, Pa.
says he will not be without DR.. Kings New
| Discovery for Consumption, Coughs and
| hat fe yyb r.