Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1894-05-20
A BACHELoR'S BUTTON.
1t Generally Comes on when He's In .
Hurry-How He sews 1t On.

1t Generally Comes on when Hes In .
Hurry-How He sews 1t On.
The button generally comes of when
mon sense there is In buttons. And it
flies of into unknown cracks and cor
ners of the room, and lodges under the
bedstead or the bureau. and the man
who has lost sit peeps aud looks, and
| feels around In dark places with his
| hand, and fishes up carpet tacks stuck
to his fingers, aud comatose spiders,
and lethargic wasps, and cobweos, and
cigar stubs, and everything else except
| the lost button.
Then he gets down on his knees and
peeps under the bedstead, and barks
the skin of legs against the carvings on
rocker OF chair, and gets up with
strong language on his lips and dies at
the clothes brush, and dusts of his
pantaloons, and knocks over the
Cologne bottle, and spills two dollars
worth OF fragrance on the lsndladY's
seventy-fve cents yard boarding
house carpet, and wishes tho man who
invented buttons had been hanged long
before be ever thought OF inyenting
anything.
And he holds up his garments with
one hand and hunts around for another
button. he looks Ia all the drawers,
under the bedstead, and in all the vases,
and in all his pockets. and in all the
boxes and in various other paces-ior
he knows by experience that he is just
as liable to find button in one place as
in another, II he finds 1t at all.
He has a place for everything and
everything is In its place-the only
trouble there Is about IL IS 10 find the
place, says writer In the Home Queen.
At last he sees button In box Of
letters and "oilletsdoux, and locks OF
ancient sweethearts' hair, ant. he seizes
on 1t and grabs a rusty nee,Je and
threads the point OF it till he a tired
and succeeds in getting the thread in
the split condition. He pulls aud pulls
and cannot get 1t any further aud con-
POUNDS the party that sold him that
needle, and vows he will carry the
thread back and tell them 1t won't fit
any needle he has got. Then ne pulls
it out and scrapes it down with his
knife and tries again and this time is
successful.
Then he places the button with ma
thematical exactness right where IL was
before and begins to jab. But he hasn't
pulled out the old stitches, and nobody
can sew on button through a half
spool OF button cord" left In the cloth.
He discovers this, digs it out and plunges
the needle viciously into the cloth and
gets half an inch OF IL in his hand, and
drops the button, and the garment, and
slaps his hand on his leg and wishes the
whole concern elsewhere. Then he
hunts up the camphor bottle and de-
luges himself and begins the job over
again.
The thread knots at the first stitch
II always does-snd he tugs and pulls
and gives "yank" and IL breaks and
the button flies of at tangent and the
man loses patience and the spool OF
thread al the same time; and then he
pulls himself together and says he will
not be conquered by trousers button.
He will never bend his mighty intellect
to such little thing as sewing on q
button and fail.
And he gets the button and the
thread and he starts of afresh, and he
does the job, and there are knots all
around that button, and II looks as II II
had been wrecked on a leeshore OF ends
OF linen thread, and 1t is half an inch
below where 1t ought TO be, and the
man puts the thread away 10 the comb
case and sticks the needle into the win
dow curtain and closes the drawer with
Z kick, and tells his male friends that
for sewing on buttons and seeing 10
things he can beat the world OF women.
And go ne can.