Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-09-03
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

Money talks-ln all languages. -
Truth.
A receiving teller-The scandal
bearer. Truth.
Fame is surely bubble for plenty
of "soap" will make it.-Puck.
There is little wolf and little
rabbit in every man. .-Atchison Globe.
In the grammar of femininity two
negatives make two alternatives.
Puck.
Most men and their stomachs don't
understand each other. - Atchison
Globe.
Let us be frank, and admit that we
are all somewhat gossipy. -Atchison
Globe.
The fat man is an example of those
who have greatness thrust upon them.
Truth.
The difficulty in chasing men lies in
getting them started to run-Atchi-
son Globe.
Tolerance is the admission of The
right of other people to hold wrong
views. Puck.
There is no success 50 sweet as the
SUCCESS achieved by acting against the
advice of our friends. Puck.
"And do you think Binks eau fill
the requirements of the place." "M-
m, well-if it requires Binks, he can"
Puck.
No man will ever amount to much
who labors under the impression that
somebody else is always in his way.
Dallas News.
'Does your wife put mp all her can
stuff herself?" Certainly. Self-pres.
ervation is the first law of nature. -
Boston Transcript.
Priscilla-'I want to get gown to
match my complexion. Perdita-
"Why don't you get a hand-painted
one" ?"-Brooklyn Life.
He who thinks that Imagination is
solely an attribute of youth should
chat while with one of our "oldest
inhabitants. Truth.
Caller-"Your son graduated from
college this year, did he not" Mrs.
Malaprop-"Ye he was valetudinari-
an of his class. Puck
There are times when the man who
thinks he fills the public eye merely
occupies the position of speck of
dust. milwaukee Journal.
Training will do much for man;
but it will not teach him never to
neglect to look for the towel before
he fills his eyes full of soap.-Puck.
According to Kipling, the elephant
is gentleman. Nonsense Who ever
heard of gentleman carrying his
trunk himself ?-Boston Transcript.
The world no doubt owes great
many people living; but the records
do not show that it ever has assigned
for the benefit of its creditors. Puck.
Though woman, lovely woman
Sometimes fails to have her way.
You can bet your bottom dollar
That she'll always have her say.
-lndianaDolis Journal.
A ten-cent box of blacking, proper.
ly applied, will command more re-
spect than hundred dollar diamond
and rusty footwear on man who is
seeking work. Washington Star.
"Thore is more pleasure in giving
than receiving" was the proverb'that
n mother was trying to instill into a
youthful mind. "That's true about
castor oil, mother" was the answer
she got New York Advertiser.
II has teen snid that there is some
thing not unpleasing to us III the mis-
fortunes of our friends. While most
likely this is true, yet pleasure, at the
of orr enemies, is still do.
ing business at the old stand. Puck.
Naughty Lady (who has just pur.
chased stamp Must / put it on
mysolf?" Postoffice Assistant (very
politely necessarily, ma'am;
it will probably accomplish more ii
you put it on the letter. Newark Led.
ger.
He-"1 had queer dream about
you last night, Miss Louisa. l was
about to give yon kiss, WHOM sud
lenly we were separated by river
that gradually grew as big as the
Rhine" She-''And was there no
bridge or no boat ?"-Fliegende Blaet-
5er.
Glow many feet ought l to have to
he line for this poem?' asked the
'oung man, MS he sauntered careless
y into the editors Office II hardly
,now," wearily replied the gloomy
nan of shears, "but if had II thou
and l would gladly give them to
'ou. Atlanta Constitution.
The Telegraph in China.