The herald., 1894-01-07
MANS COLUMN.
coNDucrED RY COG AND MAaoa.

Gentlemen, we rise to protest against
the spread of the petticoat. 1t is now
everywhere. 1t has finger in every
pie, barring just one. The political pie
we have succeeded, thus far, in construct
ing ourselves. But even here we are
not safe. Our pie, as manipulated by
our representatives, does not suit the
taste OF the people. Our countrymen
are sick unto death of it and are vomit-
ing it forth all over our fair land.
Heaven only knows what will be the
fate of the pie bakers.
But this only goes to chow that we
must keep both eyes wide open-one
fixed on our pie manipulators, the other
on the petticoat. Yes, gentlemen, the
spread of the petticoat demands our
graveet attention. We can no longer
spread. Custom has encssed our bodies
in non-spreadable garments. while,
under the fostering cere of congress,
our spread-eagle business has gone into
bankruptcy with the rest.
If, however, our ability to spread is
thing of the past, We can still curb,
saueeze, freeze out. 1t is noticeable
that many papers throughout the land
are devoting a column especially to the
petticoat. Why, only the other day
new paper came out with whole quar-
ter of the entire sheet set aside to petit
coat interests. Now, gentlemen, if we
let this thing go on, how long will
it be, do you suppose, before our press
will be swept clean by the petticoat?
Surely it is time to act time to curb,
squeeze, freeze out the petticoat. Let
no time be Lost. Let us at once squetze
into our papers as many columns de-
voted to mans interests as tender
hearted press will allow, at the same
time freezing out those In the interest of
the petticoat. Since we cannot spread,
it shall not
The following scorching words were
uttered to the British parliament-not
to the American congress. They are
Cromwell's:
"Gold is your God. Which of you have
not bartered away your consciences for
bribes? Is there man among you that
hath the least care for the good of the
commonwealth Ye sordid prostitutes
Have ye not detiled this sacred place
and turned the Lords temple into den
OF thieves? By your immoral principle
and wicked practices We are growing
intolerably odious to the whole nation.
You who we're deputed here by the peo
pie to get their grievances rsdfes5od are
yourselves become their greatest griev-
ance
x**
Men in the competitive swim of today
might not find it easy to observe with
exactnees Dumas rules for right-living
walk two hours every day sleep
seven hours q night; go to bed when
you feel the need of sleep; get up when
you awaken; work when you get up; do
not eat except when hungry; do not
drink except when thirsty, and always
slowly. Do not speak except when it is
necessary, and do not say but half OF
what you think; write nothing that you
could not Sign do nothing that yon
could not tell. Do not forget that others
depend on you, and that you should not
depend ON them. Do not estimate
money at more or less than it ia worth
it's good servant, bad master. Think
of death every morning on seeing the
light, and every night when the dark
ness returns. Whom you suffer much
look grief in the face; she will console
you and tell you something. Force
yourself TO be useful to remain free
and before denying God, be sure that it
is proved to you that He does not exist"
#*x
Crane Pitt This is the stock ex-
change, uncle. The seats here some-
times sell for as high as $4,000.
Uncle Silas-Twenty thousand dol
lars for a seat! Phewl Them fellers
down there pears to have some sense ;
most OF 'em are standing up.-[Puck.
#*x
If history repeats itself it is always
with difference. 1t was the Jewish
people who worshiped the golden calf,
not their law-giver, Noses now, it is
tine law-framers, not the people. Ii the
worship OF the golden calf caused Moses
to break ten commandments in the old
time. it will not be surprising if the
newly-established gold worship should
cause the American people to break
one or two commandments. Already
several are cracked.
"Thou shalt not have other gods be-
fore me-"
"Six days shalt thou labor and do all
thy work" Where, oh, where, is the
work TO do?
"Yonder in the majestic streets of
Denver was witnessed the other day a
spectacle to chill generation OF Amer
ican vanity. The evening journals an
nounced the need of 40 laborers to re-
pair the pipes under public thorough
fare. Under the morning stars, before
they fed from the dawn, 1000 gaunt,
famine-stricken men thronged in the
locality Wiling, eager, frantic for work
and bread. Upon these brave, honest
citizens the nation in an hour of peril
might legally have called for defense,
and they would have been compelled to
respond to the last man and the last
drop of blood for that is in the social
contract with the government. But
here they were, famished and forgotten
of the fag-rosm for only 40! 1860 re-
jected They were without tools. In
that despair whose pathos is beyond
speech for picture or tears for pity, hum
dreds of these men-ragged, starving,
irenzled-hung themselves to their
knees and grappled with bleeding fin
gers the stones and gravel from the
pavement in last forlorn hope of em-
ployment. ~ From Hon VIM. Jackson
Armstrong; speech on Hard Times.
~
'sCan such things be below, and God aboye2"
Falt. red the king. Replied the genius, "Nay,
This ia the state that sages most approve;
This is man civilized the pei feet sway
OF merchant kings, the ripeness OF the ar: