davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
cHAPPIEs WHO HAD HARD LUCK.
The Unfortunate Swap Experiences whic
the Listener Records.

rhe Unfortunate Swap Experiences Which
the Listener Records.
They were telling hard luck stories.
~ think" said the actor, ''that the
toughest luck l ever ran against was
when | was playing Lorenzo in comic
opera company, which prefer shall be
nameless for reasons of my own. We
had an engagement at a pavilion in a
summer garden. 1t was good engage.
ment, too, and we went out there with
our hearts as full of hope as our peck.
cts were empty of money, 1t happened,
though, that we struck one of these
nasty cold summer months. This was
the coolest | ever saw. 1t was posi-.
lively arctic. But the place was popu-
lar, and a lot of people came on the
first night. Show was dead frost
though, and we had to walk back"
Didn't the people like it?" asked
the Sympathetic Listener.
Couldn't tell. You see, there was
big crowd, but it was so blamed cold
that they all wore ear-muffs and
couldn't hear the gags"
Huh" said the Man Who Rents
"that amt a marker to the luck had
to-day. Here | am, man with sicl
wife and lot of other things on my
hands, and when l got home to-day
found that it would be utterly impos
sible for me to stay there any longer
All there is to it, I've got to move
When you think that my wife is fat OF
her back you will realize what an af
Fiction that is I've got to move
think of it!''
"Well," inquired the Sympathetic
Listener, what have you got to d.
that for? Shy on the rent?"
mo, I'm not shy on my rent, but
lot of my old creditors found the plac,
the other day and there's nothing t,
do but get out of their way"
"You fellows make me laugh" salt
the drygoods clerk. "You actual,
make me laugh. You talk as if yo1
knew what hard luck really is. Why
you amt in it with me. had a job a
floor walker that paid me thirty dollar
week. Part of my duty was to pain
the signs used SO extensively in tn
store. l always was handy with tn
brush, You know. had big sign t.
paint for the candy counter las
Wednesday. 1t was to read Fresh to
day meaning some particular kind o
candies. painted it but an inferno
imp of a boy who worked in the stor
painted another just like it that rea,
Fresh To-day and hung it in place o
mine. The highly moral head of tn
firm had a fit when he saw it and fire,
me without giving chance for an eS
PLANTATION.
Then the Sympathetic Listene
pulled up his sinlker and nobody wa
plebeian enough to drink beer. --But
falo Express.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
After the Graduation.

why do they call it commence
ment, maw?" asked Susie Simperly,
carelessly tossing the essay she had
read half an hour before upon the
center table and heading for the piano
stool
Because" came the reply in crush
ing tones, because it designates the
period when you're goin' to commence
to hustle around and do something.
AS soon as you can conveniently take
off that white dress and those eighteen
button gloves you will find pile of
dinner dishes in the kitchen that need
your attention. Buffalo Courier.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

II am not sorry" she saii, mot a
bit. am glad. ! would do it again. :"
Charlie gasped. The situation was
so unlocked for that he could not rise.
to it all at once.
"As for kissing me-" Eva went on,
with little disdainful moue, well
you will never have the chance of do
ing that again, SO you need not excite
yourself"
Charlie found his voice then.
"You are talking at random now,
Eva" he said, severely, "a bad habit
against which 1 have always warned
you. Will you be kind enough to ex-
plain yourself?'
Eva tilted her small nose in the air,
and horrible doubt suddenly assailed
him. Was there-could there be a.
hitch in the infallible system, after
alp The thought appalled, him.
"Oh, certainly" Eva answered, 81
can do it in very few words. Lord
Dolly proposed to me last night and !
accepted him."
Charlie gasped again.
But you are engaged to me-" he
calculated. "You must be mad You
can't seriously contemplate throwing
me over for Dolly Eastwood. The
things impossible
She looked at him and smiled.
incredible as it may seem to you,
| do contemplate it,"
"But-but--but," stammered Char
lie, this is very er-e&traordinary be-
havior on your part, Eva. Are you
aware that you propose to treat me in
a most dishonorable way, and-and-
erin short, very badly?"
Her face grew grave.
81 should be sorry to do that" she
said, more gently, Il don't want to
be dishonorable, or to treat you badly,
Charlie. But am only human, and no
one but myself knows what l have
gone through In the last few months.
You have tried me too hard. was
very fond of you at one time, and il
you had treated me fairly / should
have been very fond of you still. But
You would wear out saint-and l am
only woman. l don't think Lord
Dolly will be hard on me- He may not
be very brilliant, but at all events he
is mantle sort of man we call a
gentleman-and knows how to be gen
erous even to such an altogether in
ferior creature as mere woman"
She paused and looked critically al
her rejected lover, who now presented
truly pitiable appearance, with al
the starch taken out of him, and gen
eral air of limp depression pervadine
his being.
THAT is ALL" she went on present.
ly. But before you go there is one
thing that l should like to impress up
on you for future guidance: 1t is al
ways worth mans while to be just
and fair-even to woman"
She paused again and contemplated
him with her big blue eyes, but he sale
nothing. He was too bewildered tt
speak. 1t seemed to him that ali the
laws of creation were reversed, and the
whole scheme of the universe turned
upside down.
There was hitch in the system
somewhere.
1t had failed, London Truth.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
ship. That Pass in the Night.

"What kind of a ship is that?" she
asked, as vessel crossed the moons
track while they were gazing out upon
the sea
THAT is a schooner yacht" he re-
piled.
All" she mnrmured, "how l should
like to have a schooner yacht"
well" said he, ''as you cannot
have a schooner yacht, what do you
say to a little saack?" and he suited
the action to the word, aud shs wNs
sat;sfed.-N. Y. Press
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
A GREAT PALACE.
splendors OF the Golden Chamber Of Con-
stantipople.


According to Bishop Liutprand, OF
Cremonia, in his account of his embas-
sy to the court of Neighbours Phocas,
the Golden Chamber of Constantinople
was the most splendid part of tho
whole palace. If Justin rebuilt 1t,
Theophilus and Constantine VII. did
much for its decoration. Theophilus
made silver table "for the accommo-
dalton of the guests and the adornment
of the palace" in which so many for
eigners and courtiers Toasted with the
emperor. A great chandelier hung
from the center of the hall on the table.
The famous golden tree, so often men
toned in accounts of the palace, was
constructed by Theophilus. Birds sit
ting on the branches sung by mocha
nism, the air being supplied by con-
cealed passages" The walls were or
namented with mirrors and colored
tiles, "affording the more pleasure to
the guests owing 70 the delicious ma
ture of the viands" Besides making
the silver doors Unto the Tripeton),
Constantine VII. ornamented the walls
and ceiling of the Chrysotrilxlinos with
flowers and leaves, framed in silver
circles
In the Golden chamber, the most
striking object must have been the pen
tapyrigon, of which, unlucltily, no ac-
curate description has survived. Ii
was "a magnificent structure of wood,
covered with gold. Within and with
out it were hung great variety of
decorations, golden ornaments and the
imperial robes" AT the feast of Easter,
it was the custom that small table
should be placed for the emperor in
the pentapyrigon, while the foreign
ambassadors whom he invited dined at
the golden table below him. Thus it
would seem to have been sort of
throne arranged for the purpose of a
dining Y. Journal.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
LIGHTS OF THE HAREM."
They Rap Two American Tourists Owe
the Head with Pokers.

the Head With Pokers.
While the two Americans, Messrs
Allen and Sachtleben, who made a
bicycle tour around the world. were
in Aradan. Persia, a present from the
village khan was announced In
stepped two men bearing a huge tray
filed with melons, apricots, sugar,
rock candy, nuts, pistachios, etc, all of
which we must, of course, turn over to
the khan-keeper, and his servants, and
pay double their value to the bearers,
as a present.
This polite method of extortion was
followed the next morning by one of
"a holder and more peremptory nature.
Notwithstanding the feast of the night
before at our expense, and in addition
to furnishing us with bed-clothes
which we really ought to have been
paid to sleep in, our Oily host now in
sisted upon three or four prices for his
lodgings We refused to pay him mere
than a certain sum, and started
to vacate the premises. Thereupon he
and his grown son caught hold of our
bicycles. Remonstrances proving of
no avail, and being unable to force
our passage through the narrow door
way with the bicycles in our hands, we
dropped them and grappled with our
antagonists. A noisy scuffle, and then
heavy fall ensued, but luckily we
were both on the upper side.
This unusual disturbance now
brought out the inmates of the adjoin-
ing anderson. In moment there was
din of feminine screams, and flut-
ter of garments, and then-a crashing
Of our pith helmets beneath the blows
Of pokers and andirons, The villagers,
thus aroused came at last to our res
cue. and at once proceeded to patch up
compromise. This, in view of the
AmazCnian achievements, who we're
standing by in readiness for a second
onset, we were more than pleased to
accept From this inglorious combat
we came off without serious injury;
but with those gentle poker taps were
knocked out forever all the sweet de.
lusions of the Light of the Harem. -
! 10
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

Ill patterns are sure to be followed
more than good rules. Locke
We sometimes know what we have
done. but never what we do.-Anon.
1t is hard to find man who does
not put the blame for his misfortunes
upon his wife Rams Horn.
Creditor Your master promised to
settle with me to-day" Valet-Not If
/ know it; it's my turn frst.-kladder-
dash
--Claudc-I would not marry girl
who is not self sacrificing. Marie
The girl who marries you will be-
Journal Amusante, Paris.
Ourselves are easily provided for;
1t is nothing but the circumstantials
(the apparatus or equlpage) of human
life that costs so much.-Pope.
This marrying of rich American
heiresses by foreign noblemen has a
kind of longing for the dollar of the
daddy in it -Philadelphia Times.
Almost any man knows more than
his father until he is forty years old,
Then he drops into the ranks of the
ignorant and begins to take lessons
Texas Siftings.
Its sure thing that Blanks has
lost his mind" "Well, it reflects a
great deal of credit on his doctor.
"Great Scott! Why?' That he was
able to discover the loss of such a tiny
+1,;nor Jntar Onoan
1t is mistake to think that women
are less intellectual than men. The
brain that can comprehend and carry
the fancy work directions given in the
fashion papers is surely equal to any
question of state, no matter how mo.
mentous it may be.
Miss Skrumchus-I was so disgust.
ed to see people take up their ear OF
corn in their fingers. ! always use a
knife to detach the corn from the ear
Mrs. Homespun-Well, suppose q
knife answers right well where one
has no teeth.-Boston Transcript.
There's one thing" he remarked
facetiously, as the tax assessor finished
enumera ting the various items on the
list, that l never tax" What i:
that?" asked the assessor. "My
brain, laughed the funny man. "Oh
we'll" replied the tax assessor, as he
took good look at him, there are
lots of little things we never ask
about. Atlanta Constitution.
Let us resolve: first, to attain the
grace of silence; second, to deem al
faultfnding that does no good a sin
and to resolve, when we are happy our
selves, not to poison the atmosphere
for our neighbors by calling on then
to remark every painful and disagree
able feature of their daily life, third
to practice the grace and virtue o.
praise.-Harriet Beecher Stowe.
Age is so unwelcome to the gener
ality of mankind. and growth toward
manhood so desirable to all, that resig
nation to decay is too difficulta task il
the father; and Difference, amidst tn,
impulse of gay desires, appears unrea
sonable to the son. There are so few
who can grow old with a good grace
and vet fewer who can come SLOW
enough into the world. that a father
were he to be actuated by his desires
and son. were he to consult himsel
only could neither of them behav
himself as he ought to the other.-Si
L. Steele.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
THE LOVELY ROSE.

walk within the plot
Where Flora's beauties grow
Lily, forget-me-not.
And all that gardens show;
Not one but what Ia sweet
With memories divine,
But best OF all greet
The lovely rose as minel
The rose. the lovely rose,
The poets always praise;
Its petals fair enclose
Bright thoughts OF other days;
As messenger OF love-
IL evermore will shine:
AS tender as the dove
Is this sweet flower OF minel
When Will the story cease
The rose delights to tell?
When Will its worth decrease,
And other flowers excelY
To IT romance and song
Forever must incline,
And queenshlp must belong
To this pure flower of minei
Long centuries 1t stood
For youths celestial dream,
While man and maidenhood
Walked by LIES winding streamJ
Each uttered word rose,
Like poets golden line
Wherein their hopes repose--
0 beauteous flower OF minel
So while the stars are bright,
And sentiment is ours.
While summer sheds her light,
Creating Eden bowers
We shall esteem as best
The rose as red as wine,
All passion well contest
In this sweet flower OF minel
William Brunton, in Good Housekeeping,
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
Don't Give Up the Ship,

So say those who, having experienced ita
benefits themselves, advise their despairing
friends to use Hostetter's Stomach Bitters
for the combined evils-liver c. plant,
dyspepsia and irregularity of the bowels.
Fruitful of benefit is the Bitters in malaria!,
rheumatic and kidney troubles and nervous
ness. Use the great remedy with persist
encA
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
Vindictive.

Editor-Here is q scientific item,
which says that photographs have been
taken five hundred feet under water.
Print it in conspicuous place.
Sub Editor-Um-wha the idea?
Editor-Iam in hopes some of these
camera fiends will try tn. Y. Week
IL,
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
H--H----=s- ----H---
Economy of Pure Food.

There are many persons who, from a
misguided sense of economy, purchase
food which they know to be inferior,
so that they may thereby save, in or
der to meet other demands of the fam
lily. Handsome clothing and fine
houses in aristocratic neighberhoods
are desirable, we admit, but not at the
expense of the most important factor
of our existence; especially when we
know that pure, nourishing food is the
immediate cause of pure blood, and.
consequently. more perfect nerve and
brain power. 1t is not only false
economy but positive crime to obtain
edibles below the standard for the
use of sustaining both the men
tai and physical health of any
human being baltimore Telegraph.
L !
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

"A station-agent of railroad in
Iowa has put the following placard on
the clock: 'This is clock; it is run
ming; it is Chicago time; it is right; it
is set every day at 10 o'clock. Now
keep your mouths shut"
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

the Catholic Total Abstinence Union Of
America, the Northwestern Line will sell
excursion tickets to st. Paul, Mimi, and
return at half rates-one fare for the round
trip; tickets on sale July 80 and 81, good for
return passage until August 8, 1894, in
elusive. For tickets and full information
apply to Agents Chicago g. Northwestern
Railway.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

-''How does 1t happen that the sun
sets in the west?" asked the teacher.
at does it accidentally" replied Ben
ny Blivens, who was kept in half an
hour after school for his smartness.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
In a Lunatic Asylum.

Anything new this morning." asked
the superintendent of his assistants
Number 1856 has begun to write
poetry for the papers"
Begun to write poetry, has he? Put
him in the incurable ward.-Mr. Sweet,
in Texas Siftings.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

Customer-Say, my man, couldn'
chew that steak yycr sold me, yester-
day.
Butcher-Did you swallow it whole,
then?-N. Y. Advertiser.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

''Is THAT real Englishman of title that L.
devoting himself TO Miss Goldcoinm eyes"
"Can you tell by the way he drops his HIST"
"No, by the way he tries to pick up VS. and
x's."-1nter Ocean.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
A Ratinnal Conclusion.

II guess those little pigs must oe
French. just like our nurse" said Mat
tie; "'cause when asked them if they
we're hungry they said, Wee, wee,
which Elise says means yes. Judge.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
For Hot Weather.

Tom-Miss Hysea sings beautifully.
kitty-She has nice summer voice.
Tom-A summer voice?
Kitty-Yes. should think it would
be rather thin in winter. Brooklyn
ITO
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07
When Advice begins to Get TIresome.

I've got a terrible headache" said
Berseker. Had it for three days"
as that sop exclaimed Mundoy,
with sudden interest. well, you just
skip around to drug store and take
But even as he talked Berseker drop
ped his head YEARLY and muttered be-
tween his teeth, That's the 3s7th. y
Chicago Record.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

Gambling is the child of arll,e.
the brother of iniquity aud the father
Of Observation-Disclosures.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

NEBBER measure mans intellect by his
size. hab observed dat fine wine is mos
allus served up in small glasses, vile slop
beer is invariably paraded in schooners.--
ArkansaW Thomas Cat.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

LINEN collars are the most numerous VIC
Tins Of "prostration by heat7'-Puck.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

The man who sits down to wait for some
body's old shoes will need cushion on his
chair before he gets them.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

THE boy with an elastic step should go up
stairs at a single bound.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

RED, angry eruptions yield to the action
Of Glenn's Sulphur Soap.
Hills Hair and Whisker Dye, so cents.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

Halls Catarrh Cure
Is taken internally Price 75c.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1894-09-07

Fun gives you forcible hug, and
shakes laughter out of ysu, whether
Ecu will or no.-Ga7 rick.
Arizona weekly journal-miner., 1894-10-10
Tea, Coffee and Digestion.

A German physiologist, Schultz Schultzenstein. subjected chopped boiled egg to artificial digestion with hydrochloric acid, adding in different cases pure water, tea and coffee. The percentage of albumen digested by the pure acid was 94, with the water 92, with the tea 66 and with the coffee 6i. Thus the addition of pure water affected the digestion lit tie, but the tea and coffee lessened it very materially. In this experiment the egg was chopped into millimeter cubes. In previous trial, in which the egg was not chopped so fine, the presence of tea and coffee was even more unfavorable.-LOndon Public Opinion,
Arizona weekly journal-miner., 1894-10-10
Mod ern Deme .crnt

Can man be in favor of free sill yer and be democrat ? Yes.
 Can man i'e oppo sed 10 free sil- yer and be a dsmocrati Yes.
 Can man be in favor of high tariff and be a dem OCT at? Yes
 Can maI be opp, ,sed to high tariff and be democr atl Yes.
 Can he be- Fl fave of national banks and be democl at7 Yes.
 Can he be- oppose( | to national banks and he a democ .at2 Yes.
 Can he be in favor of trusts and be democratl Yes.
 Can he be opposed to trusts and be democratl Yes.
 Can he be in favor more money and be a democratf ] 'es.
 Can he be opposed more money and be a dsmocrati | es.
 Can he favor extravt gance and be . democrati Yes.
 Can he favor au il lcome tax and be democrats Yes.
 Can he oppose sn II come tax and be a democratl | eS
 Can he vote agaiG st the nominee of the party machia@ and be a demo. crati No.
 What then cor ssIt1 tes democrat his principles or ] ais votel Hi: vote. Principles don't eount.-Ex.
Arizona weekly journal-miner., 1894-10-10
A Wellington Ruse.

Once during the Iron Dukes cam paign in the Pyrenees 1t happened that General Picton's disposition for receiving the assault of Marshal Soult displeased him. The danger threatened from in front, and the difficulty lay in delaying the attack until Wellington could effect the change he wished. He was, as usu- el. equal to the occasion. Waving his hat in the air. he galloped to the front of the regiment as if he meant to order a charge. The whole of Pie tons line cheered tremendously, and as the roar died away Wellington was heard to remark, half to him self "Soult is a cautious command CT and will not attack in force with out ascertaining the meaning of these cheers. That will leave time for the Sixth division to come up, and we shall beat him. This was exact ly what happened, and Soult sus- tained a bloody repulse where he might have won an easy victory San Francisco Argonaut.
Arizona weekly journal-miner., 1894-10-10

Democratic papers have very sud denly discovered a great amount of republican virtue in Bucky 0'NeilPs make up. The discovery has been made for a purpose, being the at traction of republican votes to him from Mr. Murphy. MT. O'Neill has not yet announced his intention of making the race on the populist ticket for delegate to congress though, and unless he has lost some of his political cunning he is pot likely too, as he always plays to win.