Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-02-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Fast colors-Ihe regimental flag in
a cavalry charge. Lowell Courier.
A small soul has plenty of elbow
room in narrow-minded man. Texas
Siftings.
When n real-estate agent begins to
go down hill he loses ground very fast.
Texas Siftings.
A man can talk himself out of lob
easier than he can talk himself into
one.-Atchison Globe.
A baby always helps to make home
happy--particularly when the baby is
asleep. Texas Siftings.
Professor A.-"Whom do you re.
gard as the greatest linguist of the
age? Professor B-''Mrs. Bit
Bits.
Hicks-"Your heart goes out in
sympathy for the poor?" Wicks-
Eyes, but it sounds like rank egotism
to say it.
The new fad, pedistry, or the telling
of your fortune by your feet, is get.
ting science down pretty low. Hart.
ford Journal.
Many chap thinks himself brow.
beaten when he is only beaten by the
gray matter behind the other fellows
brow. Puck.
Checkerly-''Baw Jove, Cholly,
wish knew some polite and easy way
to put off duns." Stripes-'Just pay
cash. Harper Bazaar.
He-'I want to marry a woman who
L know knows more than I do" She
well, if she is wise she will never
let you know it. Detroit Free Press.
Chappie- '1-aw-heah that the
football playah cut you out with Miss
Daisy" Cholly tshuddering)-"Cut
me out He thwew me out !"-New
York Press.
The Youth-'Does a man ever get
too old to take any interest in life?''
The Sage-"Oh, yes. But he gener.
ally RECEIVERS by the time he is twenty
five. indianapolis Journal.
"My!" exclaimed Alice, "the Mr..
Jones that Aunt Clara knows must be
an awfully small man. Aunt Clara
says that his wife keeps him under her
thumb. Philadelphia Times.
'1s there any chance for man to
rise in this community? asked the
stranger. ''There is, sir, r" replied the
old inhabitant. 'Lynched three this
morning by daylight. Atlanta Con.
stitution.
Dinwiddie - ''Bookkeepers and
straightforward performers have much
in common" Van Braam-"How SOP"
Dinwiddie - '"They both flourish in
the ledger domain. - Pittsburgh
Chronicle.
''It's queer about Jaywink never
taking his wife out into society any
more. " "Well, no it isn't; his doctor
told him he should not take anything
that disagreed with him. "-Chicsgo
Inter Ocean.
Wife-'I want to talk with Won
about some things we need for the
house. Husband-'Wha are they?"
Wife-"Well, to begin with dear,
don't you think we need new bon.
net ?"-Tit-Bits.
Artist-'I painted this picture, sir,
to keep the wolf from the door,
Dealer (after inspecting it)-"Well,
hang it on the knob where the wolf
can see it, and he'll skip quick
enough. Detroit Free Press.
"And what is that photograph of?'
she asked of the young man who was
exhibiting his collection of instantane.
GUS pictures ''Of football game"
Dear me l thought it was a lot of
having quarrel. Wash
ington Star.
Mrs. Dobson-'f Bridget told me she
saw Mr.. and Mrs. Hobson going to
church this morning / wonder what's
the matter" Mr. why,
either Mr.. Hobson has had another
attack of his heart trouble or Mrs.
Hobson has new hat. Puck.
There goes Judge Sohkem, " said
Meandering Mike. ''An old acquaint-
ance of yours, | s'pose, 'rejoined Plod-
ding Pete, sarcastically. sob, we're
jest on speakin' terms / know him
well enough to say not guilty to i'm
oncet in while. - Washington Star.
Domestic (trembling)-''Oh, please,
hear burglars in the house" Mrs.
Blinkers (reassuringly) Most likely
it's Mr.. Blinkers just in from the
club. " Domestic positively -"'No,
mum, it's burglars They haven't
against anything at all. -
New York Weekly.
Can you let me have five dollars?
left all my money at home and /
haven't a cent with me, said Johnnie
Fewscads to his friend, Hostester Nc
iinnis. Sorry / can't lend yo five
lollars. But here is nickel car fare.
You can ride home and get your
money, replied Hostetter. Texas
Siftings.
81 am a poet, said the young man,
'esolutely. ''Indeed?" replied the
but absent minded, edi-
or. Yes. And came to see if YOU
will not give me n trial. Dear,
lear My good fellow, wouldn't
bother about trial I'd just plead
guilty and take my chances. ~ Wash
ngtou Post