Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-03-25


were made to kiss and be kissed. The
verb 10 kiss is both active ana passive;
to be well performed it necessarily re-
quires d plural subject though 'the SIM
sUlar number that sometimes results
from such a combination reaches up 10
hundreds in one evening. There Is no
verb ia the English language that is so
subject 10 moods as this same verb,
TO kiss" though it exists IN all lenses
being especially pleasant in the present
and mighty nice TO look forward 10 III the
future. It's past, however, is very much
like a broken p-bubbie-bcauuiLl To re
call, but very poor as collateral security.
{. Lauron Hooper, In a recent number
Of the Ladies' Home Journal, has an
eXcecdinsly clever article on When Kiss
ing Came into the World and as the
subject Is one worthy of investigation,
l think 1 shall give an cpitome OF the
writer's views. Now, Of course, you IL
all act just as you do about the newspaper
reports Of the Breckenridge litigation.
Noull say It's horrid, and 20 on reading
IL just the same. According to Hooper
osCulatiOn began in Greece, ana Ike tht
first WheelbaTrOW, 10 one has ever Dtch
able to improve on il. For many thOus-
and years our ancestors lived in pro-
found ignorance Of the "blissiul, klsslul
aIt,' but when once hey learnt H. thcy
never forgot it, II gave universal salts
faction and fully came up 10 recommen-
dations, without the necessity Of e&pen-
siye Advertisements or newspaper 'pui-
nng." Kisthenes was the man To whom
f...f a 10 rnlkH kH4TE a "
ury. Like all romantic characters, he
was a shepherd. and 10 doubt he hai
"a butchers stall in some Of the Grecan
markets. though the historian has hu-
namely omitted the mention Of this de-
tan in his career. klsthenes was born
In Boeotia, but carly in his life he
took the special Pullman Vesubule Tor
l'hcssalv. where he subsequently got
lob with man named Dryades, Wno
had many sheep 10 pasture. on man
Dryadcs had a daughter, Of course, a@1
she was beautiful, and 50, kisthcnes'
according 10 all the laws Of romance hhd
to fan in love with her. Eurybia (hat
WAS the n,aiden's namr) became cmitten
too and soon .eaTned to adore the Shep-
herd. The fact that her lovers cpta-
,yav coat was nineteen inches .hOriDr
than the regulation length "cut no rSCrc
with her. neither did she sc0rn him be-
cause he couldn't wear Iatent feathers
EXCEPT on sundays. IL was the delight
Of her sonl 20 hear hun pla;in Two
Little Girls IN Blue" ana "A ''lc. cle
Built for Two" on his pipe "a tilerwoo1
bulldog. with amber mouthpieeD 20. az
that time the couple were Ignorant OF
kissing, and most anything pleased ihenh.
In the distance they used to Wdtch the
sun glisteninE ON the aegean, anu 10
use Eurybil's language, II was Just 100
sweet and lovely" out ,herc On ;he hill
sides. They soon became p"ei'y familiar
and addressed each ciher - often that
they really hadn't time - pronoul ce
their long names. so EurEbia came To- taT
<istben,s merely kiss ai1 htsthsres
called Eurybia merely Rib. This latter
fact is of peculiar significance, for though
Ki-thonos and Euryba. young heathens
that they were had mover heard that Eve
their first mother was made from rlp
,r Adam. vet hc-Kisthcnes, not Alan
called his sweetheart 10y the name OF the
very thing of which the first OF her sex
was made"
one day Rib found a beautiful jewel
and i'm her alteration for Kiss, she de-
cid.d that she would take the precious
Stone to her lover She was out on the
the lucky find. and was quite alone.
While congratulating herself on her good
fortune sh., heard clatter Of hoois. anu
"a snort behind her Looking around she
s,yy the great god Pan. "a hairy. horny.
coat-footed divinity. whose face "Ohid
have stopped an cight-day clock. Pan
doubtless his fun name was Fryins-Pan-
cried out: "Givc me that stone ana,
An response RIB. chucking the paste dii-
mond in her mouth, scooted. whittier an
She scoot? TO her lover, Of couIse-to
her lovers arms Now KISS happened 10
have his arms with him that day. and
when his darling sped TO him he was
ready to receive her They clasped each
other i'm each others embrace, and, after
the shepherd had c0aNcd the god away.
Rlb begun telling her lover about tLe
Jewel KISS knew Of "a nice little pawn
brokers' shop not far Off, and he naturally
took a great deal Of interest in the mat
ter. lie asked whore IN" stone was, and
Kib. remembering that she had il in her
mouth thrust il out between her lips,
and eurgled. Take it" Nov Kisthents
had both arms around Eurybia. and both
Erryhia's arms were held close 70 her
side hy the strong embrace Of kisthencs.
so how could either have a hand 10 H.
move the stone from the maidens lips?"
But Kiss was equal 20 the emergency. II
occurred 10 him 10 take the stone from
Eurybias lips with his own. In the
words of the historian. "Kisthenes for
got all about the sto-' for sucn
series Of thrills and tremOrs scampercd
and scurried over his frame that b.. not
only forgot the stone. but the sheep. the
pipe the mountain. the sea the sky. the
earth. everything in fact. but the bliss
-.
everything else. TOO, ana contempOraneous
writer's aver that the band concealed in
the persimmon-grove near by played AN
ME Laurie" And thus kissing was in
vented. But TO use the words of the
historian again: "kisthenes and Eurybia,
feeling themselves the oTiginatOrs Of the
delight, and thinking on that account they
should have the exclusive right 10 il.
and further. as there was no patent-oifice
i'm those days where inventors could he
assured no one would trespass on their
rights these two selfish lovers | say. de-
termined TO keep their secret TO them
selves"
But II leaked out. Eurybla. Of course.
gave the snap away" She told her
friend. little Miss Leda, and this damsel.
being something of a coquette. told her
two lovers, Magon and Nesides. Now
AitEpu Ihu uuotucT sweetheart. and Ne
sides had two more Substitutes" and TO
these maidens they impaired their in
formation. Finally kissing got TO be uni
versal. All this happened a long time
ago-before Cleveland's first administra-
tion. in fact. In conclusion let me ada
that Eurybia and Kisthenes were married
and In all their long life Kiss never kissed
any woman but his 'own dear RIB" as
he called her. for he was as true-hearted
a fellow as ever bore a shepherds crook.
Spring has come. and nature has decked
herself with the emerald of her gorgeous
necklace; the air is laden with the per-
fume OF fiowery fragrance. while ever
and anon the musical hum OF the coming
primary elections qulver on the mellow
atmosphere and sings Of SUMMER hours to
be- The skies are blue and SO are the
latest styles OF vernal trousers The days
are growing longer and with their In
creasing length comes a corresponding
increase In the dimensions OF cutaway
cost.tsils. ghs heart grows nghts., even