St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1894-11-01
9iaisrrllann.
FARMER sTEBBINs AT FOOTBALL.

While walkin' up the village street. a
Some twenty fellers, more or less as fierce
fierce could be!
Twas in medder nigh to where the college
late was built,
An not a proper place for blood to be unduly
split;
So, very peaceable inclined, an arays actin
thus
I thought. I'll try what may be done to
regulate the FUSS
My goodness, how them fe1lers fit! they'd
punch each other there
Like hungry cattle when the frost IS nib
bling through the air!
An one would pick up somethin quick, an
off, fit to kill.
With several others chasin' him, as chickens
sometimes will;
Then if he on his stomach fell, there right in
his distress
They'd pounce upon him, hard an square.
dozen more or less.
An when my eyes entangled 'em and glanced
EN- through an DER,
To my surprise found I'd seen full half of
Young Caleb Stubs, who once was raised
across the road from me,
But had never thought, before, would hurt
ailin flea;
An Joseph Minks, who's aPays fit whene'er
he had chance,
Was now as gay an much to home as
Frenchmen at dance;
An Thomas TUFTS who's ben' taught so he
himself can teach;
An Samuel Strapp, who's training SOS to
have a call to preach;
W
cure the world. doubt,
Was strivin' hard, apparently, to kill an
wipe EN- out;
An several others all appeared to do what
death they could,
From whom I'd a1ays looked for things
thousan times as good.
An what still deeper troubled me, a lot O.
folks near by
Didn't to care to hold, 'em back, an
wouldn't even try,
But sort O. toiled to help it on, an make a
fightin' din;
An even g1Tis wona q, grit their teerh an
An then says, Them fellers all appear in
Deaths employ;
If there's undertaken here, he's sheddin
tears ofjoy."
An terrified at what they'd done, and what
they meant to do,
struggled hard to recollect a Riot Act or
But naught appeared that could reach on
Memory's cIuttered shelf
An I ha !, might say, to make one
up myself.
I wildly rushed into their midst, an yelled
with all my might.
<'See here, now boys, this school wasn't built
to teach YOU how to fght!'
Butsti11 they all kept on their way, fierce
An none of them blessed with sense to
listen unto them;
But while still upheld the right, in words
won't repeat,
TIL apparent cause of all their fuss rolled
plump betwixt my feet!
An then such bulletin amidst the angry
waves of strife
never yet had come across in all my earthly
life!
I've sported in a skatin' rink, an helped to
dust the floor;
I've served as a drift-vvood in the waves of
Jerseys stormy shore;
I've clutched a tall toboggan-slide, the while
my cheek did blanch,
Then, letting go, reluctantly become an
avalanche;
I've entered cars on Brooklyn Bridge 'twixt
five an six O'Clock;
But these were only zephyr breathS beside
earthQ Jake shock
They jumbled me, they tumbled me, some
several fe1lers deep,
Until L give up every and feeb1y fell
asleep;
An when I woke, and mildly asked if all my
bones were there,
No one contiguous seemed to know, or
specially to care;
But several fel1ers, with their face all black
an blue an red,
Jumped up an down, a-wavin' hans, an
shoutin', We're aheadH"
Now who's ahead ?' says I, when a listen
in could find
whoever it's, here's old fool that's sew
era1 rods behind
Why are YOU Studyin' carnage here-what is
this all abouti'
An then they holered, Football, Dad
we've gone an cleaned 'em out!'
Whereat l says, eff this is what you call a
friendly game,
Heaven shield me from your courtesies, an
help me dodge the same!''
Then everybody laughed an joked, rejoicin'
in the crimes,
An said, "O1d man, the trouble is, you're
way behind the times!"
An then I said ''A1 right I'll keep be-
hind EN- if you please;
Hind anything, to shield me from such 60
ms these;
An when I'm anxious suddenly from this
world to escape,
I'll go an dance dynamite, an do it up in
SHAPED"
Twill Carleton in November Harper's