The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1894-03-02

Lebanon wuz havin hard enutf times,
what with populists, maccabees, and
revivals, and that air Cal Jewpepper,
but here comes Jerry Jim Jams,n and
turns loose. like pizen, and argufies for
them shoutin methodist and exposes
the sekrets Of the republican club, the
same bein composed principally Of
lawyers, politishuns, and horse doctors.
How sumever, he set me to thinkin,
and when the wheels get to goin
around in my head, somepin gets
ground out.
haint ben up to Lebanon much
since hollydays, fur the road from
Camas Flat has bin SO muddy, / didn't
like to look at it. 1t looks like the
Mizzury river, and as | am the SUPER
vizer, don't like to hear my nayburs
cussin me for lack of energy in not inn
1 provin 1t more then | doc. How sum-
ever | kin write and that resignats me
to livin down here at the fiat.
| We don't have emmy lectric lights to
milk our cows by, and If we do have
to coon the fence to git frum the house
to the barn, we are not to emmy egz-
| pence fur sidewalks.
| ! aint no debater, but | must take
exceptshuns to wun of Jim jams
statements. He sez, "you can't get
people to think of heven, fur times Ia
SO hard and the country is so full of
populists.' Why that is just the time
they do think of heven, their is always
a big lot Of revivals just after period
of depreshun, and can prove what
say by the Oregonian, the people turn
to salvation then fur its the only thing
that is free, and they hewitt got any
money TO spend in riotus livin. II
money was as plenty as the populists
want it, the preachers would have to
go to Afriky for their converts. The
people would go sailin strait down the
road to hades and pay the cash as they
went, and forget all the store bills they
ever owed.
Howsumever, | thot / would try my
hand at convertin some of them popu-
lists, in accordance with the advice Of
thepreeideBtvfti,e lebanon Republican
}. club. He told me that If we elected
any body to office this campagne we
must get in and work, and as am not
afraid of work / got in at wunst. ] was
afeerd frum the way the democrats
, were jinin the populsts there wuzn't
goin to be any "Jacksonian democra-
cy" left in 'old Linn,p and | hate to
vote by myself. he'd been considera-
ble suspshus of Ezra Clodhopper of
late, he has been goin' to Lebanon q
: good deal of late, evin fur thirsty
man, and | knew he wasn't goin up
there just to likkerdate his debts.
!. hearn tell how he went up there to
D hear the populist preacher speak in
e Montague's store, and how he forgot
hisself and said amen, when the
! preacher gave 1t to the plutocrats.
Then he has bin consortin with Brick
Hardin of late, and Brick is cold pizen
when it comes to politics. So over
: goes to start my revival at once.
e found him splittin wood, and l sat
J, down on the fence close by, and COM
menced bombardin him with argu-
ment. He listened too me fur quite a
spell and then he lay down his ak and
e sez he, "Elder who pays the tax, me
or the furriner?" 1t almost knocked
2 ME off that fence, but / sez "you wait
l. until the Wilson Bill passes and they
. won't be emmy tax to pay, we are goin
. to run this government by sellin bonds
: TO pay the taxes. Then he started in
and he proved to his own satisfaction
I. that I'VE were goin strait down the
e road to ruin, )" under tue management
OF the old parties, and blame me, If be
k didn't have his peece SO we'll, he lust
s twisted me up until didn't know
u whether | was Republican or demo.
crat. He argued away and pretty soon
it began to spit snow, and pretty soon
it spit whole handfuls of it, and. his
teeth ratified like dice-box he was sc
cold. couldn't stand IL any Longer
l. and told him to let up, | couldn't
Q stand off such windmill as he wuz
h but if he would talk sense | would ar
que with him at my lezure.
Seems like ! aint no good convertir
populists, they won't have emmy o.
l. your plat form and as theirs don't have
g ennything in 1t that republican or
democrat can understand; how are We
: to get our auger into 'em?
Say, Jim Jams, l am comm up tt
that republican club, and if you have
mourner's bench, | think I'll go ii
with you. For accordin to the popu
lists there aint any difference between
a democrat and republican ennyway
So you be on hand with your grip anC
81 plow, l hoe, l spade,n and we viii