Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1894-06-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

An unostentatious gift-A loan
Fun.
Mistress of the situation--The servant
girl.-Life.
Consumed with curiosity familiar
viands. s.-Truth.
Gets down to work-The pillow
msker.-Truth.
A man never finds how dull he is till
he tries to live by his wits.---Life.
Carver-'.Tm but newer of wood"
Marine Painter-"Aud 1 but a drawer
of water"
She-"Are these flowers all .nature'"
He-"Yea, oil except the price Chi
cago Inter Ocean.
Iu a fight between a porcupine and
bull dog recently, the latter was severely
outpointed. Puck.
She Diamonds arc like women's
hearts-the richest jewels in creation"
He-"And the hardest. Fun.
"Dld you ever go to Bins, the tailor9"
"Yes. Got two suits from him. Que
dress suit. One law suit. Very expen-
sive man ."-Waif.
1t is curious how much faster a street.
car humps along when you are running
after it than when you are riding on it.
Richmond Recorder.
"Goodness me, Johnny What are
you crying about now" 'Cause
Tommy dreamed about eatin' pie last
| night and didn't. 't."-IndIanapolis Jour-
| nal.
"Why did your hired girl leave youl"
| "She didn's like the extra work"
"What extra work did she have to dol"
"ColIecting her wages" - Harper's
Weekly.
Merchant-"Now here is a piece of
goods that speaks for itself" Uncle
Hayseed-"Well, that wouldn't suit
Mandy. She likes to do her own talk
in'."-Inter- Ocean.
Father-"A hundred dollars for q
suit of clothesl never paid that for
suit in my life." Son--"Well, you'll
have to begin now, father; here's the
bill. brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Bingo-.'Dear, after this you
must wear a dress suit down to dinner"
Bingo - "What forl" Mrs. Bingo -
sour new girl has been used to it,
Clothier and Furnisher.
! He-"Do you love me, ,darling7" She
-"Sometimes 1 think do; and then
again when you have that lideous, baggy
, new overcoat on, doubt the strength of
my affection. ."--Tid-Bits
Trotter-"I hear that Grace Willough-
by is engaged to real live lord" Bar
low---"Wep. they claim he's alive, but
I've seen him several times and I'm
rather sceptical. "---Vogue.
snow we can fix him in this way {"
said the lawyer. "Oh, talk is cheap"
said the ,clieut. 'sWell, wait till you get
| through.with this and see whether talk
is cheap or not. New York Press.
"Don't you find him just as repre-
| sented him9" Lady Indignantly -
"No, sir. You said he was bird dog,
and he hasn't sung a note yet, and Pve
had him two weeks"-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
At the Chemistry Exam: (Which is
the best-known iusulatori" The Candi-
date "a yoang student, pale and thin,
with q bilious complexion aud savage
! look about .himl-"Poverty, sirw-Le
Monde Illustre.
Mother Quitting the boy out of the
pantry)-"How many more times will I
have to toll you to keep out of the pre-
serve jar2" SmallsBoy, (sobbing)-'No
more, mamma; they're all gone."-De.
troit Free Press.
Sport-"My watchN loses something
every night and iseldomsmakes it up dur
ing the day. What ailA it2" Jeweler
(refectively)-'..EvidentfS it is trying to
conform to the habits of its owner."-
Jewellers Weekly. !
Prisoner - "Yes, yours Worship, 1
committed the theft witAwhich l am
charged entirely. through (the'instigation
of my medical 'adviser.| Magistrate
"You mean to say rthatii carrying cut
an experiment in ,hypnotism he sug-
gested the crime to- Tou3" Prisoner-'I
don't know about that; but, one thing Is
certain, he told me toI take something
before going to bed. pGAgenda Prin-
temps.