Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-03-18
AAKESYOU PERSpIRE
nus IllaS Of Asking q Father for His
Daughters Hand.
BOARDING LIONS IN THEIR DENS.
'"ers Views on Horses-Cowa with
sPcctacics--tsossIp About . vir.
kin,a Authoress.

gin,a Authoress.
'ou thought the millennium had come
"..n she placed her little hand In yours
VI was not already there and softly
'"a'H'ured Yes" 1t was an event in
S'ur HE when you heard that sweet
"ohosyllable which served as river
Nuo'son TO divide the territory Of Bache-
s"rhood on one side and Matrimony on
'ne o'ner. You felt like shouting for Joy.
put knowing this would be two demon
sual've, you compromised matters by
KISSING her, and then. believing that what
over Is done should be well done. you
MISSED her again. Then she kissed you.
anu wee versa. and a mad stampede of
OSCILLATION followed. She was yours for
ever then-forever bound 20 share your
hothing with you. and forever pledged
10 screw the spiral buttons In your shirts.
Don't You remember how the lights In
the piano lamps-you usually kept them
SO dim-danced little break downs Of
JOY at that brief affirmative. and how you
gloated IN the downfall Of the "other
fellow" Straishtway you magnanmously
decided To allow him the honor of attend
Ing you at the wedding. so that he might
become saturated with your triumph ana
likewise have an opportunity of paying
tribute TO you In the form Of wedding
present. Then you wondered how your
mother was going to take it. She always
did say your girl painted and wore blon-
dincd hair. but then women never do
know about such things. and are 80 prone
To malicious remarks. Moreover you were
absolutely sure she 0he girl. not your
mother didn't paint Certainly you were
in the position to know. Next you pom
dcred about her mother-a nice old lady.
no doubt about that-but person VINO
showed of TO much greater advantage
when absent than when present Ief-
haps YOU wondered II professional hu-
lnorists really did do mother-ln -iaws IN,
Justice. and in your heart you hoped they
did.
But all these difficulties sank into IN
signncance. even as the pain OF tiEht
shoes when matched against toothache'
as horrible vision fitted across your
imagination. The old man. Great
Heavens, You hadn't thodSht OF NM
The old duffcr whom Won w"ulu haNc 10
beard in order to ASH That diush'lI
hGnd-that daughters han WhCh YOU
had already taken i'm the litert! sense OF
the word How tire though, made you
SILVER, lie always was SIur am ui-
inviting. anyhow AMI IN former days.
when he sometime op.nel the front dOor
for YOU. your heart fairy sank into the
solcs OF your boots. Ana n1W, JIst 10
think. YOU would have 10 fac" this ogre
confess your salary vas only 80 Il f'ohIh'
and ask him &C. give you the birl Nho
spent twice mat amount IN ''i"'hV's
and kid-glovcs You knew how he WouIh
rcvel IN your gore. so 10 SPEAK anu nay
you with sarcastic questions Ah'uI me
methods you proposed 10 adopt III GAZING
for "A family az six. Nou shiVeTed AZ 'he
mere idea OF approaching tho on par
barian and you knew IN your heaTt U''I
ron could expect sympathy from no one;
lint an i6e ne.ehbors would know when
you called To pay this official visit. and
,ba, each OF cher brothers and sisters
voull have their eyes and ears at the
kev-hola 10 see and hear The fun" But
why neil ! hurass you with these dla-
honcal r-collcCtlons? They make you
shivcr 10 this very day, 50 | had per-
haps better make the rest OF TINS let'er
mpersonal.
This thing of applying at headquarters
Tor "A girl is simply frightful Now, ask
Irr me gil for the girl, is all rhythm
fact. know ono fellow C'fhe lanky.
Scrine'0 who doesn't mind asking dozen
girls in one week. but you'll observe that
he's never asked any of their fathers
vet. | shall never forget one day when
ne came into the Office. There was
look Of intense sadness on his face. anu q
carDet-bag in his hand. Such woe was
depIctcd on his features that ] felt sure
ne was going 10 borrow s. from me.
was preparing TO stink out. when, es-
pving me, be said In tremulous tones:
Farewell. dear heart-farewel; I'm OH
for Salt Lake city" salt Lake city?
I shrieked. Disgusting the relief ] felt
when saw he ala not want a " why
are you going ont there!' 10
become Mormon" he tragi-
ally replied Il have been accepted
nv this week, and there's no blufiing
them off. I've got to take the whole
brood"
..rh,s will never DO" I answered, think
OF getting six spring bonnets every sea
SON. think of marching into church with
that sextette behind you. think of having
them all scoldng you AT once. He shud-
dered terrible shudder and then woe
fully responded ALAS. l am even as
6y cntangied in plate of molasses-a
Nght-hearted frivolous creature forever
seeking sweets. and at last doomed TO
perish In a saccharine grave. The more
| flutter the worse stuck j get"
| saw the perpleXities of his situation
and resolved to free him. and free HIN
j did. write 10 each one of them imme-
diately." 1 said. land launch forth accu,
sations OF insincerity and infidelity. Tell
each one OF the sextette that you are In
receipt OF Information which leads You to
believe she r. unfathful. Tell them that
you understand that on the nights you
are not there some other fellow slips in
and takes your place. You are mighty
apt to strike IL right. In concluding make
your heart bleed like a slaughtered OK,
Jet your scorn b. intense, but inform them
that though. with the flight OF years,
you may forgive, you never can forget.
'"The I,anky Scribe did this. and sure
enough he freed himself for each girl
Indignantly wrote back that the "other
fellow WAS only a friend. but that II
she couldn't be trusted she would prefer
TO relieve him.
But | am straying from my subject-the
Terrible duty of asking a father for his
daughters hand. IL wouldn't be so bad
II you didn't always have the fearful as
surance that you We're going TO make a
fool OF yourself. and that all the family
were on the outside OF the door watching
the fun through the key-holc. while the
neighbors were hooking down from their
windows with opera-glasses. 1 know one
groom who had the most frightful ex-
pcrience imaginable. He tackled the lion
In his den. and was getting along beauti-
fully until he happened TO hook toward the
door. when the spied the whole household
smllingiy peering at him through the
transom. II made his blood run cold. but
somehow or other. he managed 10 pull
through and capture his prize Another
friend Of mine passed through the ordeal
on a cold winter day. but before he got
through he perspred so much that he had
DO take of his coat. In my heart | wish
that 1 could suggest some means for
overcoming the difficulties about which
write. but there Is no remedy. One two
hudstcious rascals have tried the trick Of
writing. and / have even heard OF one
Yellow who asked the "old man" by tele-
phone, but these methods won't do. II
u absolutely necessary 10 face the ogre
In propria persona" and give him q