The Van Buren press., 1894-06-30

cold and silent lips to move in burst
of paterotic fervor. [Applause.l The
Day We Celebrate. Gentlemen an
lady, my tongue falters wen contem-
plate the bottomless immensity of tho
theme and realize that, with the undy-
ing confidence yoi have ever reposed
in me, you have entrusted it to my
care Can do it justice? [Cries Of
Tackle it anyhow, Judge
"Go back with me, Mrs. Porter an
gentlemen, to the first original origin
of this day. The soil of this now ex-
tensively discovered country had never
yet felt the passionate kiss of a white
mans foot. At the base of Plymouth
Rock band Of Injuns was campcd.
They arose one mornin', as had been
their custom for years, an prepared
for the usual duties of the day. A war
rior who had gone to the waters edge
to wash his dusky face an no less
dusky hands suddenly disturbed the
peaceful echoes with the startlin cry:
Sail, ho!
'Whereaway% shouted the chief, in
great agitation.
'Thereaway,' he responded, point
ing out over the breast of the discon-
tented waves.
"Far out at sea a sail was discovered.
Nearer and nearer it drew, risin' an
fallin' on the impatient waves, an as it
neared the shore the natives beheld
with awe lordly man in kingly dress
lookin' through telescope. Lady and
gentlemen, that man was Columbus,
and he was at that moment engaged in
discovering America. The natives
drew back in timid alarm as the vessel
approached an ground her PROV into
the sandy shore, and moment later
Columbus stepped ashore an claimed
this ge-lorious land an planted in the
sacred soil the great flag of freedom
an liberty, a counterpart of which is
now afioatin' over us, thanks to the
paterotic spirit of our beloved goddess,
Mrs. Porter. wild applause. That,
feller citizens, was the Fourth day o.
July, an ever since that day has been
one of rejoicin' over that fortunate dis
covery Oh, feller citizens
"Beggin' the speakers pardon" said
Gabe Harker, who had gone down in
the audience where he could better
hear the Judge, "but aren't you little
mixed in yer dates, yer honor? We do
not cclybratc the diskivery of America
to-day, but the birth of the immortal
Washington. We are here"
1.-THE court will not permit itself to
be interrupted. 1t knows wat it's
talkin' about. an if the cradle-rocked
gentleman from Philadelphia is gropin'
in blind ignorance, he should endeavor
to suppress the fact an set still an try
to learn somethin'."
"The gentleman from the cradle O.
liberty is endeavorin' to throw some
light on official ignorance. tell you,
sir, we celebrate the birth O. George
Washington an not the landin' O. Co
lumbus an the Pilgrim fathers.
know, fur my father fit under Wash
ington."
"An' the court knows that the liberty
brat doesn't know wat it's talkin'
about" the judge retorted. "We cele-
brate the diskivery of America. Amt
1 right, Big Sam?"
Big Sam said he really didn't know,
but he thought judge ought to know
more than common miner.
"Of course he should" the judge con-
tinued, IAN if the offspring from a
dug-out cradle interrupts me ag'in I'll
jump down there an teach him les
son in paterotism."
1.-THE one-hoss jedge of half-hoss
court can't teach me nothin'. If he
comes down here I'll beat hole in the
ground with him."
The judges coat came off like a
fash, and he bounded from the plat
form. Gabe was waiting for him. and
the two men came together like in
furiated bulls. The excited crowd
surged around the combatants with
eager interest, some encouraging the
child of liberty, while others urged
the judicial light to greater efforts in
defense of the honors he had accorded
to Columbus. On and on they fought
kicking, biting, wrestling, striking
until at last the Philadelphian bore
the Judge to earth and jumped on his
PROSTATE form with both feet. Then
the bystanders interfered, and the de-
feated man, more dead than alive, was
picked up in an unconscious condition
and borne to his cabin.
While the dance was at its height
that evening sympathetic group stood
around the rude bunk on which rested
the demoralized form of the Judge
Opening his swollen eyes the injured
man feebly said:
Boys, reckon got licked"
"Got it piled onto you in purity fail
shape, jedge," one of his friends re-
piled.
81 desarved it, boys, fur bein' SC
burned forgitful. My memory ain't
pannin' out much good duet as gil
older"
Deserved it, jedge? Was you fol
lerin' blind lead in the Columbus
business?"
Eyes. reckon Gabe was right, an
want you to explain to him that
won't lay this up ag'in him. I've beer
layin' here thinkin it over, an now
it all comes to me as plain as day. II
was Christmas wen Columbus discov
cred us, an not the Fourth"
CAPT. JACK CRAWFORD,
1.-The Poet Scout
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