Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1894-09-02
"IT'S ALLOVER now
The Idlers Vacation at an End and he
Is Melancholy.
FALSE MAIDS ANDLUCKY MEN.
Finger Nails . L. Mode--Lavish virginia
Hospitality and Watering Place
Brscgadocio.


his vacation. and digs a hole through the
accumulated pile OF mail on his desk to
the stub-pen with which he Is to labor
for the next eleven months and a half to
come? 1t Is simply frightful to look
ahead, and yet ] could stand 1t all IL
people wouldn't persist In asking me II
had a good time while was away"
Since / struck Richmond with eighteen
soiled paper collars and a counterfeit half
a-dollar, I have had 70 inform the whole
voting population individually as to how
spent my vacation. My friends-and
goodness knows / never knew l had so
many before-pursue me with the never
ending question. j cannot dodge them.
| Sometimes my most casual acquaintances
will arouse me at u O'Clock at night
| and inquire If 1 had a good time" The
next man who puts the query to me
might as well go right ahead and perfect
| oil his arrangements with some life-in-
| surance company. for I'm going to XIII
| him. Human endurance has a limit, and
mine has reached IT, Had ] known l
! was to be persecuted in the manner de-
scribed would have issued proclamation
| informing the general public tnat L
"rolled high" during my summer sojourn'
and that / had reflected credit on the
city which / represented.
|
The most pathetic thing about going
away from the springs after you nave
been with the people for several weeks
| is the fact that you hate 10 leave your
girls in the hands of the fellow who re-
| mains behind. He promises you, with
sinister smile that he viii look after your
| interests when you have gone, and you
| can risk almost anything you have got
that he Will do it. though not in the way
| Won desire You know In your heart
| that twenty-four hours after your account
| has been settled up at the hotel-counter
| Crowded you don't jump your board-bilD
| the maiden who once called herself yours
( will be the Joint possession or that othtr
| fellow and yourself. The dear. shady
| little hooks on the mountain sides, the
! leafy corners, the rustic seats Gull or
woodland ticks. the rocks beneath the
old oak-trees, the shadowy portions OF
! the veranda, and the secluded summer
| houses that once heard the melody OF
| your, voice and her ripping laughter.
| now hear the melody OF the other cuf-
| fer's voice. and he chuckling with glee.
| Is carefully seeing TO II that your grave
| is kept green. q, tender memories OF
! summer that is gone-tenderer far than
the hotel beefsteaks-how often Will you
rush back to my mind. breathing tho
| fragrance of the mountain pines and re
| calling the fidelity Of her who made me
| forget that there were such things Ill
! this world as Remington typewriters ana
| stub-pens. She had me. heart anu SOUL
| when | was with her, and l unnesltat-
| ingly loaned her my pocket-knile 70
| carve our initials on every avaiiapIe oo-
! feet, despite the fact THAT she ai"hyS
| broke the blade-points and dulied lhe
| edge. AT night ! prayed TO Heaven that
the lamps would flicker so that our corner
seat would be obscured and by day l
told her Claude Melnotte lies about my
| horses and my income. How willingly sne
! believed me. even when i was most men
| decious. and how caressingly she would
| CAPTURE the itinerant ants which wended
| their weary way down my collar.
! thought She had no equal-she did not
AM in her presence 1 ,ofsot 'he lutufe
! and ignored my promissory notes that
| would mature upon the day OF my return.
Now all is gone-girl, mountains veran-
| das. woodland seats, and money the
1 other fellow is having hts inning. ana Is
! playing great ball. But, mercful gods.
| | thank you. He, too. must fall ana
| very soon. Ere many days his Saratoga
| trunks will roll back into the city. ana
| before many moons he VIII nave 10 SNEAK
back into his old clothes, as have done.
| May the autumn suns roast him, May
| his letters pile I'D mountain high and
| may his boss be Ike snappihg-lufle
| when he returns 10 the office.
l oo,r.o folks TO the
! spriags, we make the non-residents OF
| Virginia think that we are everything In
| this Commonwealth. We casually refer To
our magnificent social standing and create
! the impressions that we are on the very
top round of the -Four Hundreds lad
| der. Everybody does this. 1t Is perfectly
legitimate. The amount of lying nave
done since | left Richmond almost appahs
me when | think OF II at night. But theh
| living comes TO me naturally, so my con-
science DOESN'T hurt me long. When L
/ mt on my dress-sut l feel that i am
as goui as anybody, and so / can't Keep
| my Imagination from running away with
| me- But gracious, ] certainly do iight sny
| Of my ellow-townsmen, VINO know me!
| / always make IL custom 10 invite
| foreign people TO come ana stop at my
| "nansion''-that is. provided they live
l
| Orleans, and / know that there Is no
prospect of their ever getting TO Rich
mond. This is a good scheme. but 1t Is
| always best to learn the plans or your
would-be-guest first. You might make a
| mistake. If | run across n Galveston man,
| who has previously made the statement
that he Is going abroad in the spring, L
| urge him. with tears in my eyes. to post
! pone his trip. and to visit me the next
| summ,r. If | find that his mind is tho
roughly made up on the subject OF his
! going to Europe. l almost get down on
| my knees so anxious am / TO offer him
NV hospitality. All this creates good
| impression. and makes outsiders think
| that a Virginian's home is every friend
| home. And. goodness ne, you ought 70
hear the serene way | refer to my horses
and my carriages. The said horses, you
| know consist OF the mules who pull the
| Broad-street cars, and the carriages in
question are propelled by electricity, and
| run from Fulton TO the New reservoir.
| q. vanity of vanities, what deceitful
| world we live in, Ii makes my heart
| ache when ! think how other people de-
| Indie me- l find that | am utterly unable
TO keen up with the little deceits OF my
contemporaries.
While I sojourneG in the mountains.
with my best foot foremost, and my sun
day clothes always upon my back. l
made careful note OF the hands appended
TO my many female admirers. i observed.
among other freaks of feminity. that IL
Is now the custom OF the weaker sex to
wear their hnger-naiis long. just as Mon
eolian moguls do. 1t is a hideous fad. and
then. II the thing keeps up, there VIII
be no question about the supremacy or
woman's rights. i would as soon under
| take 10 argue with a cat as with a
woman equipped with the nails in ques-
ton. They Uhe nails are not only al
lowed TO grow until they almost drag on
the ground. but they are sharpened, or
| rather pointed at the ends, and the effect
produced upon the whole hand Is very
| much like that produced upon the foot OF
an American eagle by the talons OF the
bird. In addition TO the shape thus given
the hand. which appears 10 bristle like a
| line of infantry making bayonet charge,
| there Is another finishing touch added to
the aforesaid claws They are polished
| and manicured until they shine like bur-
| nished buttons. When / was with
nv dear little sirl ! could see five OF my
IL ~