Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1894-11-16
HERE AND THERE.

HERE AND THERE.
By the way, why do not the entomol-
ogical enthusiasts in the state secure q
treatise from that able exponent of bug
ology, the Hon. j. Sterling Morton, as to
the fighting weight and probable horse
power of the pilgrim bug which has
made it's appearance and taken up a res
idence at various places about the state
in the course Of the past month or so?
1t has been nearly six weeks, now, since
Secretary Morton has availed himself of
that Heaven-born privilege. Of every man
to make a damphool Of himself, and the
bug in question would afford Mr.. Nor
ton one of the most brilliant opportuni-
ties in his whole career as Government
Barn-yard Apprentice and Keeper Of the
National Paris Green Bottle, to demon
strate himself the most adequately unfit
person who could have been secured to
represent the nations agricultural in
t~erests. The people at large are clam.
oring to know the probable ancestry Of
the bug in question, and whether 1t
should be planted from the seed or slip
to produce the best crop. The doubt
which exists at present as to whether the
bug is of the Clydesdale or Hereford var
iety could be effectually dispelled by
Mr.. Morton with just one bulletin. The
advent OF strange bugs into any COM
munity without letters of introduction,
and not properly vouched for by any re-
putable authority on bugs, is a matter
of great moment to MI. M~orton's depart
ment, and should be reported at once to
Mr.. Morton, in a personal communica.
tion. I hope the proper authorities in
the state will attend to this without I'M
necessary delay.
Nearly a trainload Of pretzels, wiener
wursts and lager beer was consumed at
the commemorative exercises of the Ma
tional Gaspipe League in Chicago on
Sunday, when the nations anarchists as
sembled to shed tears OF nitro. glycerin
and breathe forth huge mouthfuls of
kissing. sparks, in memory Of the album
dant crop of fruit borne by the Hay
market gellows tree some years ago. The
carmine bristles of Supreme Dynamiter
Johann Most, Past Chancellor of the
Birthstone Pot, which have not been cut
or combed for the past twelve years,
stood straight out for joy, and he pre-.
sided over the gathering. Seated upon
the stage with him were the members of
the Imperial Council, consisting of all
anarchists in good standing who have
abstalned from the use of water in n
way for a period of not less than ten
years. The hall was carefully lined with
asbestos, especially for the occasion,
with 375 lightning rods placed at inter-
walls along the flooring to protect the
audience. In the few hours which fol-
lowed, there was d glorious revival, Mr..
Most's address embodying pleasing allu-
sions to l6 explosions, 81 assassinations,
% murders, SO disigurements for life, IS
d~ismembered legs and arms, It's blinded
eyes, and mangled hands, features, toes
and fingers beyond enumeration. The
proper spirit of appreciation one aroused
and everything passed off pleasantly,
communion being administered imme-
diately after the exercises, and consist
ing of n pint of warm blood, seven
ounces of dynamite, twelve ounces of
human flesh, with a liberal sprinkling of
gunpowder per map.
Now that the election is over, and
everything was thought to be safe for
the next two years, mn the dlscour-
aging report that MI. Corbett's belt has
been stolen. Not having seen any bill of
particularizations with regard to the
belt, I am forced to presume that it is
the large, 17-inch, leathern belt, which
operates the drive-wheel to his ~tireless
tongue, and rotary lower jaw. The belt
was made especially for Mr.. Corbett,
out OF hides which we're especially
tested for the purpose, and the COM
pleted belt was warranted to stand
5000 revolutions per minute, at a
driving force of So horsepower, working
both day and night for a period of
twenty-five years. This was estimated
as the very maximum of Mr.. Corbett's
talking capacity, and the belt in ques-
ton is the only n in existence which
would stand the wear and tear. The
theft of the belt leaves the champion
voiceless, noiseless, and unable to con-
verse at the great pressure which is es.
sential to successful pugilism, thus de-
priving him Of the greater part Of his
fighting abilities at one disastrous blow.
A large reward has been offered for the
recovery Of the belt, for without it the
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