The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1894-01-11
HUMOR OF THE. WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd. Curious, and Laughabic Phases
Of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget Of Fun.
SprInkies OF Spice.

ALL persons old enough 10 near
arms should be vaccinated. Plea
yune.
THE man who Is driven TO drink"
usually has to walk back. -Ionkers
Statesman.
SOME people succeed In taking time
by the forelock, but they cannot hold
him. .-Galveston News.
No, MAUD, dear, al meetings OF
the lumbermen are not board meet
ings.-Philadelphia Record.
WIGGiNs says that popping the
| question is questionable proceed
ing. .-Binxhamton Republican.
No MAN was ever so much in love
that he found himself unable TO sleep
Sunday morning Elmira Gazette.
You can't tell what a man will do
in a horse trade 10y the amount OF
noise he makes in church. Rams
! Horn.
UNLIKE the photographers, the
dark room In cOurting is mainly used
for developing alternatives. -Phila-
delphia Times
THE toy-pistol victim comes once n
year, but the crank who wants to
shoot Niagara Falls is PERENNIAL
Washington star.
WHEN pretty girl prefers pug
log to a young man for an escort,
who is the joke on, anyway;
land Plain Dealer.
THE top.heavy exubcrancc Of la-
dies cloaks makes shouldcr-hittiny
involuntary on the public walks
Boston Transcript.
MRS FARLAR-"I hear you give
much for charity" Mrs. Tumtum-
81 suppose so. My hired girl has lots
OF relatives. Exchange.
HE-"Wherc ignorance Is bliss It's
folly to bc wise" She (cnviouSly)--
any. my; how supremely blissful you
ought TO be. Exchange.
"JAwLEY was at the c blast night. -
"Was he? Did he TALK" Yes" +"
"What about:' About half the
night. Ilarper's Ba2ar.
SSooK--l always believe in calling
spade spade. CrOoN-- So do L. eX-
ccpt when ! am trying to fake
d
JUDGE--"Can't you and your hGs-
hand live happily together without
fighting" Mrs. Mulcahy-"No, yer
amer; not happily "-Brooklyn Life.
TRAVELLER 49, Now, what ought
little boys 10 say when a gentleman
gives them penny for carrying his
bagY Small boy-'Tain't 'nough. -
iiG- bits.
A COMPLAINT OF a 4-year. old: "Oh,
aunty. j just went % touch little
chicky, and the old hen growled at
me, and bit me with her nUsc!"-BOs
ton Courier.
PgorEssoR-IIow are the bivalvcs
diyidedy Student-They amt divid.
cd at all You swallow 'cm whole
with little lemon juice and pepper
sauce. Exchange.
YoUTH-lI0w am | 20 know that
this bicycle is model OF '9a? Dealer
My dear sir, II it were not '93 we
should not dare charge So much more
than IL Is worth. Good News.
NEw-YoRKt -"You don't see any
grass in our streets, anyway" She
{ rom Philadclphia)-"Noo Must
be the climate. The soil Is ceria My
rich enough. Brooklyn Life.
HE-"Do you think could get Il
pass on your fathers road?" She
NO; they don't pass anything hut
dividends on his road. I've h ard
him say So "-Liie's Calendar.
THIS looks like a good farming
country" said a traveller in North
Dakota TO native. "What do you
raise mostly?" "The limit" replied
the latter, briefly. Exchange.
The personal estate OF the late DR..
John III. :. Fogg, of Boston, includes
autographs valued at SO. 600. His
heirs will appreciate how much there
is In name.-rhiladelphia Ledger.
COOP SAMARITAN-"Don't you know
better than TO drive that poor horse
up hill 50 iast?" OCOnnOr-"Up
hill, is IL? oh, hegorrah! the nag's
blind and he can't see it"-Life's
! Calendar.
Mrs. CoMEHoME-"YOu say you're
Il good washer and ironer; how do
you tell when the irons are too hot?"
Servant looking for n place)-"How?
BY SINE ling the burning linen, mum,
OF course"
DURING the sieg" OF Paris a French
lady, driven by hunger TO eat her pet
dog, exclaimed when she had finished
her meal; "Poor tiiine! how pleased
she wo I'D have been 70 gnaw her own
bones."-Le Papillon.
THE SAGE-"In choosing a wife,
young man, you must not look for
beauty alone" The YOuth-"Of
course not 1t is the other kind OF a
girl that one may expect To find
alone. Indiana polls Journal.
"lIow is yOur new oil well doing?"
"It's only light producer you