Bennington semi-weekly banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 1894-1902, 1894-06-12
Eli Perkins on "The Change"

ARE SADLY IN NEED OF BRAINS.
When Times man sat down by Eli
Perkins last night and asked him if he
Democratic party had made success of
it, he said:
''To tell you the honest truth, 1 am
sometimes afraid that we Democrats are
not altogether right. When 1 see one
third of the mills stopped and 5000, 900
laborers idle or tramping with Coxey, it
looks bad for us Democrats. 7 am
afraid that we have fooled the people.
Our party feels bad. We took the coun-
try year ago wonderfully prosperous.
Everybody was at work. What did we
Democrats do? Why, we convinced the
Northern wOrkmen that they were bad
ly off. We told them that low tariff
would make things come in cheap from
Europe, and that they would also cOn4
tinue to make the same things with high
wages here"
'Well, what is the result, Mr., Per-
kins?' asked the reporter.
"Why, it proved to be lie. Our
wages went down with the tariff, and
our mills stopped. We Democrats lied.
We Northern Democrats voted ourselves
out of power, and voted the old free
trade rebels IN, and Mississippi and
South Carolina have made a low tariff
for New England California. 1 tell you,
we old-fashioned Democrats don't like
it very we'll"
"What else don't you Democrats
Iike?" asked the reporter.
"Why, the way we lied about the sill
yer bill. When the hard times came, we
said it wasn't the Wilson bill, but the
Sherman bill. The Republicans had
bought $40, 100000 worth of silver dur
ing the last 80 years, and the country
had grown in prosperity every year, and
then, when we put in Grover, he bought
So, 100000 worth of silver, and we went
all to pieces. Well, old John Sherman
and the Republicans repealed the silver
bill. and we've been growing sicker and
sicker ever since. 1t was awful, how
we lied about pool old John Sherman's S
bill"
care you Democrats pleased with the
Hawaiian business?"
"Pleased? No, sir! Our whole party
feels bad about it. 1t wasn't Demo
cratic. We Democrats had to follow
Grover, though. We had fought the
war with Mexico, and lost 10000 Demo
Gratis to make Southern California and
Texas into a republic. Yes, spent $j0,-
900, 900 to do it, and then went and paid
81, 1000, 600 for Alaska, and made those
500 Injuns and icebergs into a republic,
and then our same Democratic party had
to go into the Pacific ocean, sink re-
public with $4,000 people making sugar
and cotton, and try to put negress on
a throner and Eli struck the sofa cush-
ion until the moths and dust filled the
room like cloud.
swell, what are you Democrats going
to do about it?' asked the reporter.
"Do? Why we've got to let these fell
lows who shot into us at Gettysburg
sail the ship. We Northern Democrats
are out now. We are sitting down in
the hall. We are mourning with Absa-
lom, or tramping with Coxey. Do you
know what we poor Democrats need
just nowT
No; what?"
"Why, we need few brains left over
by some female seminary. We are get
ting desperate: l met a Republican the
other day in New York. He looked bad.
his coat collar, and corns on his hands
and liver"
Chow do you Republicans feel now?'
1 asked.
"I'm not a Republican, he said.
I've joined the Democrats
"'What forP' 1 asked. why did you
give up the party that made prosperity
and join the DemocratsP
WELL he said, Il did it to disgrace
an uncle of mine. My uncle abused me
and robbed me and insulted my wife,
and l do it to disgrace him.
"'What is your uncle doing now" l
asked.
=" He's pounding stones in the Sing
Sing penitentiary'
"'Well, we'll, George, 1 said, you
have disgraced him."
Eli said he had spent the day looking
at the oranges out in the suburbs. He
said he drove three miles to where the
mayor of Los Angeles showed him an
orange tree with four oranges on it %
years ago, and he found four-story
bank on the ground to-day.-FrOm the
Los Angeles Times.