Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-09-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The Boston girl speaks of the ball
player as being stricken out.-Puck.
Mans character often speaks the
loudest when his lips are silent
Texas Siftings.
We have heard girls apply the word
''cute" to everything but corpse -
Atchison Globe.
Some men would complain if they
did not have anything to complain
about.-Atcbison Globe.
Few husbands and wives are SO af-
fectionate and trusting that they say
"our money. ."-Atchiso Globe.
It sounds rather paradoxical for a
perfectly we'll man to speak of his in
valid wife as his better half.-Boston
Transcript.
GER man kin run inter debt" said
Uncle Eben, "but when it comes ter
gittin' out he's gotter crawl. Wash
ington Star.
Scribe-"How is your novel COM
ing along?" Jiblets--'tBy the ex-
press. I expect it at any moment"
Syracuse Post.
An old maid is q popular lady who
has had many elegant offers of mar
riage, but prefers to remain single.
-Atchison Globe.
AS q rule, the man who boasts that
he believes in always calling spade q
spade, occasionally calls things spades
that are not spades. s.--Puck.
Wigwag referred to conversation
he had had with two female deaf mutes
as "a little exercise with the dumb
bellies. Philadelphia Record.
In scheduling this grost igworld
No thing received sses -;
For every dog there is day,
For every cat night.
Buffalo Courier.
An insult from certain sources is q
compliment. When an ass kicks at
YOU he does so because he recognizes
that you are urlike him. Texas Sift.
ings
Judge-"How old are you, niss2"
Elderly Female-'I AMI am"
Judge-'Bette hurry up; every
moment makes it worse. "--Fliegende
Blnetter.
''One sister," said Johnny, sis
stamp clerk in the postofice aud tho
other is school teacher. [ often
wonder which one licks the most. -
Adams Freeman.
Melton-"I wish I hadn't read that
article on How to Tie Necktie. "
Beaver "Why?" Melton-"I knew
how to tic one before I read it,
Clothier and Furnisher.
"Did Miss Gotrox's father try to
draw you out while you were there,
last night?" "Draw me out? Great
Scott, man! He was behind me, not
in front. Buffalo Courier.
She stood upon the white sand beach,
The north, east, south and west did sean
When suddenly sne gave Il screeca
''Ha, ha ha, ha" She saw man
Syracuse Post.
Servant -"Yis, sorr. Mrs. Tslker
is in. What's yer name?' Visitor
professor Observation-Disclosures"
Servant-"Och Sure, ye'd better go
roight in and take it wild ye. Tit
Bits.
Smith-Jones- Glow do you manage
to keep up your mental energy so
well?" Smith -Brown-"My wife gives
me piece of her mind every morning
before I start to work. - Harlem
Life.
Blobbs- -"Whnt are you doing with
your football suit on? Not going to
play this kind of weather." Hicks
mo; but I'm going to see old Money
bags and ask him for his daughters
hand Philadelphia Record
'When other lips AMI other tongues
The tale of love shall tell"
have no douot, Eyangeline,
You'll like it jus; as well.
indianapolis Journal.
Clerk '1 would like to have my
salary raised. Boggs gets S6 more
than me, and he don't do any more
work. It's unjust" Employer
ayes it is unjust, I'll reduce Boggs's
salary SO. ~ Philadelphia Record.
Studious Boy What is the mean
ing of market value and intrinsic
yalue?'" Father - 1.-The market
value is the price you pay for thing;
intrinsic value is what you get when
you sell it to n second hand dealer.
Tit Bits.
Little Ethel-"I wonder why men
like to talk about their old school
days." Little Johnny--'I suppose
after they get growed mp they is al
ways tryin' to find ont where the
teacher lives, SO they can lick him
Good News.
Miss Haverly- "Uncle Ned has the
funniest way of speaking of my sisters