Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1894-10-25
NO SLEEPER FOR HIM.
a Passenger Who Was Exposed to Railway
ExtOrtiOn.

EXtOrtiOn.
An old gentleman from away up by
Oshkosh started for Chicago, He had
been very busy doing up the fall work
about the farm, and so when the time
came for him to board the train he was
very tired and he wanted to sleep
mighty bad. He had never been in
sleeping car, but matters had been go
ing prosperously with him, and so he
felt he might as well be enjoying some
OF the luxuries Of travel. But whom
he was told what q sleeping car berth
would cost he said:
No ye don't, not by a blamed sight!
# you think I'm a dude at can't sleep
'ithout q feather piller, yer barkin' up
the wrong tree. I've worked in saw.
mills an slept in the woods 'ithout
SEEM bed fer eight months at a
stretch. I kin sleep most anywhere,
an I'll do it, too, afore I'll pay fer yer
old railroad an men not own it,
Later on he twisted himself into
car seat, and, being very weary, he
was soon lost in dreams. And it may
be that it was not a dream he had.
More properly speaking, it was night
mare.
1t often happens when one lies in a
cramped-up position so that the blood
circulates poorly, ones feet will go to
sleep" This is what happened to the
old gentleman here referred to. And
it was no small foot, either.
just as it had got nicely to sleep and
contained somewhere near three mil
lions of needles and pins of assorted
sizes, the old gentleman dreamed he
was going into the midst of railroad
wreck.
He sprang into the middle Of the
aisle and alighted squarely on his
sleepy foot. But he did not stay there
any time at all. He just scared up to-
ward the top of the car, bowling like q
mad tiger, and came down right on
top of bald-headed man who was car
rying on a Irritation with an old maid,
with squint-eyes and cork-screw curls,
who was on her way to attend wom-
ans suffrage convention. The bald
headed man yelled ''Murderl Train
Robbers! Help!'' and then pulled the
bell cord. The elderly maiden went
into Mysteries.
But the old gentleman kept jumping
over the seats from one end of the car
to the other, soaring men, women and
children almost to death. Every time
his foot, filled with needles and pins,
struck the floor he uttered Shrek
that would have made an ordinary col
lege yell turn green with envy. Fin
ally the porters, the conductor, and
the stout-hearted male passengers of
the train succeeded in binding the old
gentleman, hand and foot, and would
have conveyed him to an asylum had
not his foot come to-" and he ex-
planned what had been the natter
Chicago Journal.
How much does that waste basket
of yours hold, anyhow" asked man
who had been handing lot of contri-
buttons to the managing editor.
Nothing worth talking about" said
the man with the blue pencil. -Phila-
delphia Record.
-Tinn-Halloa, Tagg, what's that
sign on your front door, No admit
lance except on business'?'' Tagg-
There have been so many young men
calling on my daughters and their Wis
its have been so fruitless, that have
adopted this plan to reduce the sur
plus. "-Tit-Bits.
He who never relaxes into sportive-
ness is a wearisome companion, but be-
ware of him who jests at everything.
Such men disparage by some ludicrous
association all objects which are. pre-
sented to their thoughts, and thereby
render themselves incapable of any
emotion which can either elevate or
soften them. They bring upon their
moral being an influence more wither.
ing than the blasts of the deserts
Southey.