davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
ONE HUNDRED PER CENT.

"Well, said johnson, putting away
At his pipe, call have to say is that
only one girl ever refused me-"
'How many girls have you pro-
posed TOP" asked Tomson.
"One."
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
THE JOYS OF A BRIDEGROOM.

Mr.. Troomer-''Where on earth is
my silk hat? I've looked everywhere
for it.
His Bride (sweetly)-"You said you
wanted it ironed, dear, so sent it to
the laundry. Spare Moments.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
A LACK OF JUDGMENT.

''Do you pretend to have as good
Judgment as have?" exclaimed an en-
ragged woman to her husband.
"Well, no, he replied, slowly, "our
choice of partners for life shows that
my Judgment is not to be compared to
yours. Spare Moments.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

IN Japan a man can live like
gentleman on $500 year. This sum
will employ two servants, pay the
rent of the house and supply plenty
nf food
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
WHAT DID HE MEAN?

Chumpton-'I hope you don't doubt
my intelligence.
Stryker-"My dear fellow, that is
matter that is not at all subject to
loubt. Boston Transcript.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
PATERNALISM,

Dodge Have you heard of the
latest demand of the Anarchists?
Lodge-"What is it?"
Dodge-"Ihat the Government
supply them with dynamite bombs
free of expense. Puck.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
POINT OF CONTACT,

'Johnson always hits the nail on the
lead"
"Yes-his thumb nail. Life.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER sIrr1NGs.

Jack has finished my portrait"
''At last l didn't think he ever
would"
ooh, yes! He's been at work on it
only year.
Dear me Isn't that long time?"
"We didn't think so. We're engaged
now. "-Harper's Magazine.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
A SENSITIVE MAN.

Writer-"The editor of the Laugh
ers' Own is the most sensitive man
ever saw"
Friend-"In what respectP'
Writer-"He can't take a Joke"
Friend-'1 never observed it,"
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
A SLIGHT DELAT,

Customer-"Is the proprietor in?"
Waiter-''Y sir"
Customer-"Take this steak bac k
and ask him to jump on it."
Waiter You'll have to wait lit
tie while, sir. There are two other
orders ahead of you. Life.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

Writer--"Well, ] have. I took
dozen good ones to him to-day and he
rejected every one of them. De
troit Free Press.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

human skull as large as bushel basket
has been found in Sicily.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

Bustle-"What do you think Of my
latest picture?"
Palette Isn't that COW in the
foreground little bit rocky?"
Bustle-"Oh,. don't know. This is
a morning scene, and the COW has
been out all night. New York World.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

1t is said that there never is an odd num-
Der of rows on an ear OF corn.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

DR.. Kilmer's SwAMP-RooT cures
all Kidney and Bladder troubles.
Pamphlet and Consultation free.
Labratory Binghampton MY.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
ANSWERED CORRECTLY.

Teacher" What color hair had the
I'D Anglo-Saxons?"
Pupil "Gray. Halo.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

Half the worlds population die before the
noe of I6
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

"The poor dear then he was really
braver than I thought. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

For STRENGTHENING AND CLEARING THH
VOICE use "BrO,Cn's Bronchial nroches." 81 have
commended them to friends who were public
speakers. and they have proved extremely SER
ylceable. REV. Henrb Uidrd Bsecher.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
A BRAVE MAN.

"Did Mr.. Saphead threaten to kill
himself when you refused him?"
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

January 3; .'.'.'.'. = ''' :'n''
Fesr1r"ry,5l !, :. - II /:
March u, q
TOTAL, % per cent.
We have paid 10 0ur customers IN 20 oays.
Profits paid twice each month; money can pe
Withdrawn sny time; $50 to flUO can be invested
write for Information.
FISHER Il CO., Bankers and brokers,
Island 20 Broadway, New \ orh.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

TENTC TRADE MARKS Examination
L "A i IJlN =. and advice as to patentabty
ofinventon Send for Inventors Guide,or how to get
spatent PATRICK OEARRELI. WASHINGTON, DC.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

'Well, he didn't; he asked me to be
his wife -
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
Hoods s;':;'sii'' ;s:'ii'' Cures

malaria, and Hoods Sarsaparilla built us up
and keeps us healthy and free from sickness.
We cordially recommend Hoods Sarsaparil-
Ia" MRs. WILLIAM EVANS, West Haven, Conn.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07
p N U IT

wANrED-A position on rarm or n"-- suburban resi-
tonos mud water sprints lawns carry
op STAIRS wood feed dynamo for electric
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

house that was built at Canton. Conn. in
1850 is still occupied as a dwelling.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-07

Hoods Pills are the best family cathartic, gen.
" and effective. Try box. 25 Cents
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08
A GROUP OF APACHE SCOUTS
To return to the medicine man. When

the first shot was fired he made determin-
ed effort to escape. The guard, under
whom he had been placed, were old SOL
diers, and well they knew their business
He fell mortally wounded with the sound
of the volley fired by the scouts still ring
ing in his ears When darkness set in the
question on each mans lips was What
will tomorrow BRING? Here they were
hemmed in on every side, with one troop
dismounted, and about sixty miles from
Fort Apache The general opinion seemed
to be that the only hope was to make
night march, riding twos and perhaps three
on a horse, and try TO reach the post before
the Indians could osertake the command.
Gen. Carr, realizing this. and knowing
that the Indians would not fight at night
ordered a night march for Fort Apache
believing that. to remain at the Cibicu, was
certain death to every one.
The last sad rites to their dead comrades
were performed by the command in silence
and tears. a large hole had been dug,
and in it were tenderly and carefully plac-
ed the bodies of Capt. Hentig and his five
men, who had been so treacherousiy muir
dered by the Indian scouts. The general
repeated what he remembered OF the burial
service, and taps were sounded This
served for good night and also to Indi-
cate to the Indians that the command was
going to sleep. To fire volleya over the
grave would have been to notify the In
dams that the dead were being buried at
night with the intention of moving al once
This was to be only a temporary resting
place for their bodies. as. in the event of
the command reaching the post I'm safety,
Gen. Carr intended to send Q detachment
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08

all their property. That settled 1t. The
Indians, already excited and worked up by
this man, needed only such a hint to go
on the warpath. A great powwow took
Mace at which IL was understood that
measures should at once be taken to clear
the white men from Fort Apache, and
next day the redskins left the vicinity of
the fort for Cibicu creek. AT this time
there was at Fort Apache a company of
twenty-three Indian scouts, regularly en-
listed in the United States army and
drawing the same pay as other soldiers
These scouts were White Mountain Apa-
ches, and although apparently outwardly
loyal to the troops and the government
were heart and soul with their kinsmen
in the desire to carry out the wishes of
their dead chiefs conveyed to them by the
medicine man. Many little incidents, I'M
thought Of when they happened. were re-
called afterward as showing the intense
feeling of hatred which these scouts held
for the troops.
However as before stated. they were
believed to he loyal. and when 1t was de-
cided by General Eugene a. Carr, then
commanding the regiment, that it was nee
essary TO m.~h against the Indians and
capture the medicine man. these scouts
under the command of Lieutenant Thomas
Cruise. sixth cavalry. were taken along
as part of the attacking force. The gar
rison at Fort Apache at this time con-
sisted of only troops u and e of the sixth
cavalry, the strength of the former being
forty-six and the latter thirty-three men,
and one company of infantry. 1t was
necessary to leave the infantry at the post
for its protection, and General Carr's avail
able force therefore. consisted Of but two
troops Of cavalry, the company Of Indian
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08
WEATHER FORECAST by THE
TEETH.
Dentists Car OEnosticate by Keep
ing Count of Their Customers.

Dentists Car PlognOsticate by Keep
ing Count of Their Customers.
From, the New York Sun.
.eWhat's the use of a man in my line
keeping n barometer around?" said den
fiat the other day. 81 can tell when
storms are coming and when we are apt
to have long spells of good sunny weather
as accurately as any barometer or weather
Indicator ever made, If not more so, and
thai. too without budging a step out of
my office, without consulting any kind of
scientific instrument and without even so
much as CHANGING out of my window. And
IL YOU will ask any other dentist in town
about II I'll wager that he'll tell you the
same thing.
Its very simple matter Human
beings are the greatest barometers in the
world and there is no part of the human
system which is so quickly affected by
damp weather as the teeth. OF course
the degree in which q man is affected by
the weather depends entirely on the condt-
ton of his teeth. but how many people
have perfect teeth? Very few. I can as
sure you. Now. during the week Of fine
weather which preceded the last rainy
spell / had over thirty people, two-thlrds
of them strangers to me, come In with
aching teeth. Most Of 1t was neuralgia.
but I knew the sign and said to myself
We'll have some rainy weather now sure
w. II was a sure Indication, and / knew
there could be no mistake, when. as the
end of the week drew nearer, they began
to come In faster and faster. In the
stormy weather they keep coming in, and
then all of sudden they'll stop and al
though 1t may rain Cor two three days
after that / know that fine weather is at
hand. When toothache patients are few I
know that we In for a lot of good
weather and though the people would
exult at the prospect the dentist groans,
for while Ii Is not SO pleasant the work
of pulling teeth, treating neuralgia and
curing toothaches is far more lucrative
than filling teeth l can attend to ten
such cases I'm less time than IT takes to
fill one tooth. 1t all proves, however that
the human body Is the oest barometer in
the world, and IL you would have weather
forecasts of an accurate nature consult
your dentist
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08

could not put up as fine an exhibition drill
or inspection as some of the other regi-
ments in the service when it could always
be depended upon if hard service after the
White Mountain Apache or other Indians
was necessary? This. too, over rough and
dangerous trails, where. as a rule, 1t was
impossible to carry forage for the horses,
and through a country which furnished
but little sustenance for the hardy and
sturdy bronchOs that carried with hardly
a stumble or misstep the gallant troopers
of this ever-active regiment.
1t was seldom the troops had time for
drill, and neither men nor horses, from 10
to 80. knew what a rest with regular gar
rison duty was for any length Of time.
Many a. time would the weary troopers be
welcomed back from a long scout to the
post at which they were nominally sta
toned only to be informed that, as soon as
rations, consisting principally Of coffee,
bacon and bareback, could be issued, their
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08
OLD CLOTHES MEN.
What IL Done With the Garments
After the Trade Is Made.

After the Trade Is Made.
From the New York Herald.
The men before starting out on their pur-
chasing tours provide themselves with an
assortment Of knick knacks such as will
appeal to a woman's eye. These, in the
parlance of the trade, are called fishes"
and the men are known as Fishers" be-
cause, with this bait, they catch the cloth
ing they want.
Whenever they find a stock of old cloth
ing of which the owner is DESTROYS Of dis
posing they make the closest bargain they
can-and only one who has come into con-
tact with them knows how near" they
are-and then do their utmost to give in
or whatever they may have picked out as
the best to serve their purpose They want
to avoid paying out money, possibly be-
cause they can purchase their fishes at
a price so low as to astonish one.
Each has separate route, which Is
sacred to himself, and with their knowl-
edge Of character they soon know what is
most likely to appeal to the women in their
bailiwicks. So up and down they stroll,
getting rid Of their fishes for garments
of every description, which they sling into
their big bags.
The men on whose trade these peddlers
depend in the main, are wholesale dealers
of the lower class. These men have large
tailoring shops, and buying these goods at
a ridiculously low rate, they put them at
once into the hands OF their tailors. A coat
is refined, new binding is put on it. any
rents are artistically sewed, the frayed
bottoms OF trousers are cut off and sewed
anew and fresh buttons are fastened on;
overcoats are steamed and treated to a
general renovation, and marvellous, indeed,
Is the transformation in the garments.
They are then shipped to retailers in the
south and west, and 1t is no reflection on a
mans intelligence that he should purchase
them and wear them, believing they have
never clothed any one previously.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08
FORT ACHE, ARIZ4O MA

they had done with their kinsmen. Well
they knew that Man Sock-Klin-ne was a
prisoner In the hands OF the troops. and
well they knew that these same troops
would carry out Gen. Cars Instructions
and Kill him II SHOT was fired But what
of that? Had he not promised to bring
their chiefs back to life IL the Apaches
only wiped the whites from the face Of
the earth, and had he' not said: do not
mind II 1 am killed. 1 Will return alive to
you in three days." :, ....
The Eight Begins.
Their blood was up: all the intense
hatred OF their race for the white man was
,coursing through their veins. The moment
for action had come. and. led by Dead
Shot" and Dandy JIM" they, instead OF
getting away as commanded by Capt.
Hentig, raised their already loaded car
bines to their shoulders, fired volley at
the troops, and took to the hills among
their friends. The result of that volley
was the instant death of Capt Hentig and
two men of troop ID, while later in the day
three more men were killed and three
others wounded, one OF whom afterward
died on the return march to Fort Apache.
These men all belonged to troop D. All
this happened quicker than 1t can be told.
Even before troop h had watered their
horses the fatal volley had been fired. The
horses OF troop ID were stampeded and
run on by the Indians. and not one has
been recovered from that day to this. By
order OF Gen. Carr troop E Immediately
dismounted leaving their horses in charge
of number four of each set of fours at
once formed a skirmish line, returned the
fire OF the Indians, and cleared them from
the creek bottom. This movement Of Capt
Stanton with his skirmishers saved the
day. There was but little shelter for the
troops, breastworks being made of stores,
saddles, rocks and aparajoes. Luckily the
aim OF the Indians was not particularly
good, and, although a hot fire was kept up
until dark, no further casualties than
those already mentioned took place. 1t
has never been discovered what loss the
Indians sustained, but 1t must have been
severe.
The Medicine Mans Fate.
20 retnrn q the medicina man Wha,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08

Initiating time between home and office
that the grown-up population begins to re-
cover Its spirits and temper and forget the
weeks of dust and days of mud and the din
OF iron workers and the thousand and one
unpleasant Accomplishments of the i'm
men5e undertaking.
Already the big folks who i've on New
York avenue and II street, where the Co
lumbia street railroad runs, are beginning
to regard the work that has been accom-
plished on the ne able system with some
thing like approval, and In another week
or two they will be more than glad of the
inconvenience they have been subjected to
because OF the benefits that win accrue to
them by reason of IL, for in that time, or a
little later, the road will have been entirely
completed and the cable singing through
the hidden yokes.
When it is completed the Columbia COM
pany will possess one of the best equipped
cable systems in the country.
When the company decided to modernize
It's plant the engineer, VIM. B. Upton, de-
cided upon conduit similar to that in use
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08

scouts and a pack train and packers-in
all about ninety white men and twenty
three Indians
The command reached the Cibicu about
o'clock on thel afternoon of August 30
having camped the night before on Carriza
creek, twenty-five miles from Fort Apache.
The Indian scouts were not furnished
with ammunitionIuntiI the command went
into camp at Carizzatlcreek. Rumors had
reached the comm andng officer that the
Indians were having a great pow-wow at
the Cibicu, during which the medicine man
urged them not ITO be- disheartened if he
should be killed by the troops, for, should
such an event happen, he would surely
return to life in .fhresC days.
1t was also known that the Indians were
aware that Gen. CARR with his command,
was marching on them, and, not believing
the word that had BEEN sent to them by
Nose" the first sergeant of the Indian
scouts, that the intention was simply to
take the medicine man, to whom no harm
would be DONE they had evidently made
arrangements tot gives the troops a warm
reception, and were closely watching their
approach. 4
Medicine Man Captured.
Upon reaching Cibicu creek the 'medi-
cine man was found without any trouble,
and a talk between him and Gen. Carr
resulted in the latter taking him prisoner
and putting him under a strong guard,
who received very positive instructions to
the priSOHer IL he dlteiupteu " eS-
cape, or IL a shot were fired. The medi-
cine man was Informed of the instructions
given to the guard placed over him. A
spot was then selected as a camping place
for the command, which was picturesque
little basin with the Cibcu creek at one
end of 1t and the hills all around. Capt.
Hentig, commanding troop ID, having de-
tailed a guard to herd the horses or his
troop, ordered the men to dismount and
unsaddle while Capt. Stanton, commanding
troop Z, kept his troop in the saddle, and
marched to the creek to water the horses.
This action of Capt. Stanton's proved to
be probably the greatest factor In saving
the entire command from massacre
The horses of troop ID, glad to be rid or
their saddles and riders, were soon quietly
grazing at some distance from the camp
ing ground in charge of a non-commission-
ed officer and four privates, while the men
were making themselves as comfortable
as possible and preparing to rest.
Meantime the twenty-three scouts and
other Indians who had joined them ap-
preached the camp and were told by Capt.
Hentig to "ucashay," which Is Apache for
get away from here" dead Shot" the
second sergeant of the scouts. said they
wanted to camp there as there were too
many ant hills In the place selected for
their camp. He was again told to
"ucashay," and go somewhere where there
were no ant hills. The scouts, like their
friends In the surrounding hills. were
spelling for a fight, and the lamentations
and exhortations of the medicine man had
taken the same effect upon their minds as
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1894-12-08
THE JOKE IN CORRUPTION.
A Bit of HumOr Which Only Ameri-
cans Are Able to Laugh At

The delight of being a nation, and a very
big nation at that, has not yet with us lost
all the charm of novelty, and We pelt one
another with ridicule after the joyously
aggressive fashion of schoolboys pelting
one another with snow balls, writes Agnes
Repplier In the Dozy Hours" Already
there is vast array of seasoned and
recognized jokes which are leveled against
every city in the land. The culture of Bos-
ton. the slowness of Philadelphia, the os-
tentation of New York, the arrogance and
ambition of Chicago, the mutual jealousy
Of Minneapolis and st. Paul-these are
themes of which the American satirist
never wearies, these are characteristics
which he has striven, with some degree of
success, to make clear to the rest of man
kind. Add to them our less justiflable di-
version at official corruption and misman-
agement our glee over the blunders and
rascalities of the men whom we permit to
govern US, and we have the curious COM
bination of keenness and apathy, Of pene-
tration and indifference which makes pos
sible American humor.
Now Englshmen, however prone to laugh
at their own foibleS, do not, rule, take
their politics lightly. Those whom 1 have
known were most depressingly serious
when discussing the situation with friends,
and most disagreeably violent when by
they see anything funny in being robbed
by corporations; but, with discouraging
and unhumorous tenacity, exact payment
of the last farthng of debt, fulfllment of
the last clause in a charter. Our lenity in
such matters is a trait which they fail to
understand, and are disinclined to envy.
One of the most amusing scenes l ever
witnessed was an alteration between an
exceedingly clever Englishwoman, who for
years has taken a lively part in public
measures, and countrywoman of my own,
deeply imbued with that gentle pessimism
which insureS contentment and bars re-
form. The subject under discussion was
the street car service of Philadelphia
(Which would have been primitive for Asia
Minor), and the Englfshwoman was ex-
pressing in no measured terms her amaze
ment at such comprehensive and unquali-
fed inefficiency. In vain my American
friend explained to her that this car SER
vice was one of the most diverting things
about our Quaker City, that it represented
one OF those humorous details which gave
Philadelphia its distinctly local color. The
EnglishwOman declined to be amused. II
do not understand you in the least" she
said gravely. You have a beautiful city,
Of which you should be proud. You have
disgraceful streets and trans. Of which
you should be ashamed. Yet you ridicule
your city as II you were ashamed Of that.
and defend your trans as If you were
proud of them. II you think 1t funny to be
imposed on, you will never be at loss for
a joke"