The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-04-18
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


It is not what one knows, but how
one tells it, that determines ones
ability.
You can always tickle girl with a
feather, if it happens to be an ostrich
feather. Puck.
There is not faith enough in this
world to 60 around and never was
Galveston News.
The woman who is vain of her
beauty is as wise as the man who IS
vain of his brains. Puck.
The man who is ''always on the 60"
generally doesn't know how to stop
when he gets there. Puck.
When girl goes visiting she re-
turns home as soon as she has worn all
her dresses--Atchison Globe.
Many man who would like to re-
form the world has q front gate that
won't stay shut. Rams Horn.
Borrows--" Have you any spare
funds?" Lenddes (curtly) My funds
are all spare. Chicago Record.
Nothing succeeds like distress,
remarked the beggar, as he counted
his coin at the end of the day.
Little grains Of wisdom,
Little bits Of sense,
Have a way of making
Cupid less intense.
Detroit Free Press.
The battleship does well enough at
long range, but when she comes on a
reef. then comes the tug.
Transcript.
A good many boys have turned ont
badly, because they had fathers who
made them work with dull hoe. -
Rams Horn.
There's lesson to be learned from
the pin, my son. 1t is given head
that it may not go too far. boston
Transcript.
The man who discovered that the
darkest hour is just before the dawn,
must have been making night OF 1t.
Philadelphia Life.
Teacher-"In the sentence, Time
is money! can you parse money!
Scholar-"'Ye Yes'm, if it is good money"
Detroit Free Press.
Polite Gentleman lin street carl
''Take my seat, madame" =" Lady
''Never mind, thank You. l get out
here, too. New York Weekly.
That woman the weaker vessel is
Full many doubt he hath,
Who feels the weighty contents of
The vials of her wrath.
Puck.
In Iceland whistling is regarded as
a violation of the divine law. In most
countries, however, it isregarded only
as confounded nuisance. Boston
Transcript.
Criticus-"Td be ashamed to write
such stuff as you write. " Authors
"Of course, you would. Everybody
would say it was plagiarized. Chi.
cago Record
Minnie" Don't you think our
modern styles are just horrid? do. "
Mamie--'Is that the reason you are
still wearing your last years bon
net ?".--Indianapolis journal.
The era of excessive and cruel pun.
ishment has not yet wholly passed
away. A Socialist agitator was sem
fenced to hard labor in Germany the
other day -CourlerJournal.
Westerly--'I tell you there's cleo
tricity in the air ont West. You can't
get the Chicago atmosphere in New
York" Hudson--''Yes, you can.
Walk just behind a garbage cart. -
Kate Fields Washington.
Mrs. Van Asthelt ~ suppose you
take lively interest III the politics OF
your country, Lord Saxonorme?'
Lord Saxonorme with pride) -"Oh,
dear, no. I'm a member of the House
of Lords, y know. Chicago Rec
ord.
Clara" "Going in for charity again,
are you2 What is it this time?' Dora
I've are going 90 distribute cheap
copies of Beethoven's symphonies
among the poor. Music is such an aid
To digestion, you know, New York
Weekly.
Master examining pupils in seog'
raphy) What is the name OF this
town." Pupil Birmingham. Mas
ter-"What is it noted for?" Pupil
Firearms. Master What are fire.
arms?" Pupil --"poker, shovel and
tongs. Tit Bits.
Restful Rags" What's become aI
Pete?" Weary William (shakng his
headl Don't ask me, Ragsy. He's
gone to the bad. " Restfui Rags In
Jail, eh?" Weary Willism-"Worsa
than that! He's workiu' eglar in a
factory. kate Fields Washington,
First Young I.ady-"Do you always
buy two kinds OF paper?" Second
Young Lady always, You see, when
/ write To- Charlie l use red paper I;
that means love. When l answer Jim's
letters use blue paper, which means
faithful INTO death. brooklyn
Life
Auutie-'Does your new doll close
it's eyes9" Little Ethel Yes m, but
she is tho most wakefal child | ever
saw. She doesu shut her eyes when
I lay her down, os she ought 10. The
ouly Way TO make h'r 50 go sleep is 10
stsul her on her heal AN shake her, '
Coed News,