The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-12-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

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Biologists report that their collec.
tions are hard.
Penitence is very apt to follow pun.
ishment.-Judge.
A word from the wise is often all
we care to hear.-Puck.
For one man who can stand pros
perity there are ten who would like to
try.-Puck.
Don't get too far ahead of the times,
or you will not be able to help them
catch up. Puck.
Rich people always have poor rela-
tions; but poor people are not always
blessed with rich relatives.
Jones-"Have you registered?"
Miss Antique (alleged to be only twen-
ty)-"Sir l"--Chicago Record.
While opportunity awaits every
man, it does not put in its leisure time
blowing horn.-Milwaukee Journal.
Each morning, evening and noon,
He's played for many moons;
And though he's always out OF tune,
He's never out OF tunes.
Truth.
The only persons who should be al
lowed to hold up trains are the women
who persist in wearing them. Albany
Argus.
Politics are full of uncertainties
To-day a man is on the stump and next
week he may be all up tree. Boston
Transcript.
Young Chip-"What causes 30 much
sickness, father?" Old Block-''Too
much talking about it, my son. "-Bos-
ton Courier.
Why is it that a woman always uses
more common sense in dealing with
another's love affair than with her
own?-Albany Argus.
''The pen is mightier than the sword"
Thus said a man who'd gono
And made q million selling pork
To feed the soldiers on.
Detroit Free Press.
The first time a man goes out hunt.
ing his wife has so much confidence in
him that she doesn't buy any meat for
supper. -Atchison Globe.
If these fat Georgia hickory nuts
would only crack wide open when
they drop what great country this
would be be!-Atlanta Constitution.
Many man will humbly tell you
that he cuts no ice; but he always
harbors different opinion when he
gets skate adams Freeman.
o man Poor man
Your life Is but span
Yet while you live you seem
Al least a six-horse team.
Puck.
Lord Dutfer-"You're a girl after
my heart. Miss Price And you're
a man after my money" Engage
ment not announced. Boston Bud
get.
He-"Why do you wish you had
been born a man?" She ga man has
some one big annoyance every day,
while woman suffers from forty odd
tile ones. Puck.
81 may tell you at once that 1 can
put up with everything except answer
ing back" "Oh, madam sure that's
just like myself. We shall get on
splendidly. lie Figaro.
"Why don't you drop me line oc-
casionally, Mattie?" asked the forward
young man. 'Line's busy" replied
the telephone girl in an abstracted
manner Boston Transcript.
''Do you think Skinner can make
living out there?" make a liyingP
Why, he'd make living on rock in
the middle of the ocean-if there was
another man on the rock. "-Philadel-
phia Record.
SIS it true that Houser is hustling
for the postofice?" 'Guess it is.
heard his wife tell him if he didn't
get her letter mailed inside of twenty
minutes she'd know the reason Why"
Courier.
Income-tax Assessor "You can't
claim exemption, Mr.. Smiles. Why,
man, you must spend $1,000 year the
way you live" Smiles-'I know
that, sir, but l live beyond my in
come. ~ -Harpers Bazaar.
A composer in this town wrote sew
eral dead marches and could not fud
a publisher. He sent them to Phila-
delphia. They were at once accepted
and published; and they are now used
by the local bSnds as quicksteps,
4 a.