The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1894-11-11

raised. You mayn't think it. but nv father
raised the biggest calf Of any man around
Il can well believe it," observed by
stander' surveying him from head to
foot.
The judge who pointed his cane at
I prisoner and exclaimed: There is a great
rogue at the end of my cane" was not
/ pleased when the man looked hard at him
/ ana asked, coolly: AT which end my
| lord2''
/ Legal retorts are very numerous and
/ often very good. Sometimes they take
the form of d spar between opposing
/ counsel and sometimes that of a facetious
remark addressed 10 the judge, as in the
| case, 'Woodcock VS.. Bird" when the
| chief justice happening TO remark that
birds should live together in harmony, the
/ counsel for Mr.. Bird replied; Yes, my
/ lord, they should, but my client complains
OF the length Of the plaintiffs bill"'
! Most frequently, however. the repartee
/ takes the form of a pointed remark by
/ witness to a bullying lawyer How do you
( like your bacon and beans" Mr.. Cookie
/ once asked a witness. Boiled, but with
/ out cookie sauce" was the satisfactory
/ reply.
/ In fact, it is rather the fashion ernong
/ a certain class of witnesses to decry the
/ legal profession on all possible occasions. |
/ OF course, such persons betray a very poor
Cpl iSSldlAOll u the ALlllLlGl5G bGI4EAlL5 the
/ profession confers upon and receives from
/ society, but some men are never salts
! fed unless they are disparaging something
! Of alleged utility These are the men who
would second the prayer uttered by the
1 deaf Dean Of Ely when, following a
/ speaker who had commented upon an ex-
] traordinary epidemic of mortality among
/ barristers, he said, Tor this and every
/ other mercy, may the Lord make US de-
| voUtly thankful"
/ When we hear a happy retort the enjoy
ment, perhaps, arises from the sense Of
| spontaneOusness and admiration at the
/ readiness of the speaker who may have
/ been taken at a disadvantage. Most pi-
/ quaint, however IS the situation when one
/ who has been tossed and gored" sudden
/ " springs to his feet and eXtricates him
! self brilliantly. In such a case there is
| no heavy firing from the fort, bur the
| fort has to be retaI1en. OF this class was
! he retort of D'Orsay to the facetious
| Tom Raikcs, diseur and dandy, but whose
/ face no amount of dandyism could beau
/ -ify, it being deeply pittcd, the nose es-
/ pecially. with smallpox.
The latter had sent the gay Alfred 6
copy OF offensive verses anonymously.
/ which, being shown about, caused grsa'
! laughter at the beau's expense. To main.
! tain its assumed character, the letter had
! been scaled Stael that he possessed Meth
=. The court OF Louis XIV. was the
/ school where this art was brought to
! perfection. The flattery offered to the
! king by the men of genius was at once
/ coarse and exquisite. Witness the tnim-
table reply of NIignard, who was paint
ng the kings portrait for the tenth time
when Louis asked him: DO 1 look
2Ider?"
u see a few more campaigns on the
BROW Of your majesty
One of Louis marshals, Bassompierre
was great at repartee. He had spent te'
years in the bastile, and, on emerging
lis majesty asked him his age. Fifty
! sire" To the surprised look Of the king
he marshal added, Il don't count the
! ten years I passed in the bastile, because
[ did not spend them in your majesty's
ervice."
Louis found amusement in Bassom-
1icrres retorts-a curious Illustration OF
! he pleasure that IS sometimes derived
/ rom remarks that might reasonably be
/ supposed TO be far form catering. On
me occasion he was telling the court
now he first entered Madrid as ambas
,ador. II was mounted" he explained
on the very smallest mule in the world
The king remarked: 1T must indeed
/ have been an amusing sight to see the
biggest ass in the place mounted on Sc
/ mall quadruped
With a profound obeisance came the re-
! loinder: Il was your majesty's represen-
alive
1t is remarkable what a number Of his
I orical retorts concern themselves with
he patient donkey and his analogy t.
nan. 1t would be easy to find hundred
tories in which the implication conveyed
was that some one was an ass.
by jovew said q country squire who
lad got the worst of an argument Will
1 sydney Smith, If had a son who was
/ donkey, I'd make parson of him straight
/ way"
/ Possibly" returned the wit. but your
'ather was evidently of a different mind
This is one type. Here is another. a mar
/ lad his portrait taken with his children il
/ > donkey carriage, he standing at the ami
! mails head Showing il to a friend h
/ sked his opinion of the likeness. ITS
he very image of you" was the verdict
but who is that holding your head?
Here is still another specimen that re
/ ais the Society upon the Stanislaw.'
/ TWO gentlemen in an auction room were
Nsputing the possession of a picture by
/ = celebrated painter, which faithfully re
! resented an ass. Finally one of Their
aid: MY dear, sir, it is of no use I shall
cot give in. The painting once belonged tC
nv grandfather, and l intend to have it,
"Oh in that case" replied his rival
-uavely, Il will give II up. / think you arc
ulIy entitled 10 it If it is one of your
'amily portraits" Next TO thisSwe MAY
] place the retOrt OF the irish girl. VINO
aueht in the act Of playing on Sunday
-nornng. and being accosted by the parish
priest with the greeting: Good morning
laughter Of the evil one" replied promt-
/ y: Good morning. father"
Lord Cockhurn. after a long stroll. sat
down on hillside, beside a shepherd and
observed that tho sheep selected the cold
est situation for lying down "Mac?' said
he II think if I were a sheep, I should
. certainly have preferred the other side Of
that hill" The shepherd answered: LAY.
NY lord; but if ye had been a sheep, yc
would have had mair sense" and his lord
ship with a wafer and thimble. DOrsay
/ knew who was the writer The next time
he saw Raikes at the club he called out
The next time. mon cher. you write ar
/ anonymous letter, don't seal IL with your
nose" This was coarse wanting in finish,
but none the less effective. Seldom
/ another great wit. made a better retort
when his morbid taste was complained OF
/ in going to see Lord Loyat beheaded. He
explained that he made amends by goine
10 the undertaker's to see the head sewn
on again.