The herald., 1894-01-14
MANS COLUMN.
CONDUCTED BY COG AND MAeoe. ]

CONDUCTED BY COG AND MAGoG.]
Gentlemen, there is another thing Of
vital Importance to us, which ia gradu-
ally slipping out OF the mind Of the pet
ticoats, but which must be maintained,
even at the point OF the sword, il need
be and that the infallibility of sex-of
our sex, OF course. This is a subject
which must appeal to the apprehensive
conscience and tender stomach OF
every man on the face Of the globe, be
he Hottentot or Hoodoo, uncivilized or
demoralized. Yes, yes, gentlemen we
who love our sex-and what man among
ue so base that he does not love him
fit must make our knees knock
together, our tongues palsy, each indi-
vidual hair to stand on end, nay, our
very bodies to quake and quiver as the
leaf, to so much as give one backward
glance. Why heresy is now in the very
air we breathe, the fumes we exhale
Can you not see, do you not realize that
we have been losing ground ever since
the creation OF our most. unlucky pro-
genitor, Adam? Adam "be d-dw Not
to speak further of Adam, we must
wake to the fact that our fall is inn
minent-the fall OF our sex out OF Edenic
infallibility, into a wilderness of strug-
gle with petticoat incompetence, frivol-
ity, irrationslity and indocility. Where.
we would humbly ask, gentlemen. have
gone our infallible priesthoods, churches,
rulers, popes, books, governmenta-even
our American constitution? Alas, each
and all totter to their fall. But, the in
fallibility of our sex must and shall be
preserved
Men are to be congratulated on the
fact that there is to be but one board OF
managers for our midwinter fair, and
that all the members thereof belong to
the infallible, non. Quarreling sex.
x*xs
A man not yet on the road pathetically
asks: "What will become of us men if
this thing goes on? Women are in the
store and shop, in the Office and on the
school board, are bookkeepers, type
writer's, stenographers, librarians; and,
really. doesn't that fact go far to account
for the tramp?
Some people are fond OF Dragging OF
their ancestors and their great descent,
when in fact their great descent is the mat
ter with them. II / was asked, "What
ie the chief end of man nowadays?" |
should Immediately reply, "10per cent"
--[Josh Billings.
Nv
The present drift toward monopoly is
so widespread, 80 utterly revolutionary
in every sense of it's character and go
threatening to the vast interests of the
common people, that to suppose it can
be much further tolerated would be to
assume that American citizens had lost
their regard for freedom and their sense
of self-respect.-[H Henry Ciews, Wall
street banker.
x*#
Our people raised mammoth COW,
They claim to own her even now,
And keep her stock to breed upon.
She is of such gigantic size
uer tail might switch New England flies,
While she eats grass in oregon.
She grazes on the western plain,
And has each day Two feeds OF grain;
Then lays her down to sieep aud dream.
The western people feed the beast,
While Shylocks milk her in the east,
And London bankers churn the cream!
1.-The Farmer and Labor Review.
x*x
of mans dominion by not only being
created in Gods own image, but by
also becoming the mother as we'll as
dominion" "As it was in the begin
ming, SO it is now and ever shall be ;
amen"
Where is the self-evident fact that
sail men are created equal" since the
l. a.
litia to quiet the legislature? Accept
ing the premise, "all men are created
equal" the logical conclusion is that a
policemsn's club in the presence of
the legislative body has an ad valorem
weight equal to the chairman's gavel.
The executive, the legislative and the
judicial bodies of our country might
form a self-protective triple alliance"
against the masses and their un-"holy
alliance" in their demands for action
and "a move-on" osthis great body of
public servants, and strike for an eight
hour session and end the night terms
and long debates without more pay; for
one of these honorable bodies, the
United States supreme court, itself de-
cided that the state has the right to reg
ulate the conduct ana to fix the price of
any business "affected with a public in
tereHt."
x**
81 understand that since Barlow lost
his last position he has been engaged as
bill collector"
THAT 30? Well, I've got quite nice
lot of bills at home that I'll let him add
to his collection if he wants. All unre-
ceipted, too."-[ Harper's Bazaar.
ALI persons afflicted with dyspepsia find i'm
mediate relief by using Angostura Bitters of
Dr.. J. G. B. Siegert q Sons Ask your druggist.
Eighty city lots, 800. Briswalter tract.
A MrWT npDkDMTTDT