Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1894-03-01
Let Us All Laugh.

NEVER too old to learn" does not
apply to after the Ball. "-Elmira
Gazette.
Cur off a ROSTERS spurs and you
take the italics all out of his crow, -
Rams Horn.
The neighbours bulldog may teach
a man to lead chased life. Florida
Times Union.
A DEAF MUTE can scarcely be said
to have pronounced ideas. --Phlla-
delphia Record.
SNoGsBY - What did old David
Trimble die Of? Bogsby-Of his mi
tials. Exchange.
The man who gets in Office may be
called the master Of the situation. -
Florida Times Union.
THEATRICAL companies that do the
least walking are those with the most
legs. -Elmira Gazette.
For constant cheerfulness the lum-
herman takes the cake; he is always
clipper. -Lowell Courier.
JOHNNY, is your father a firm
MANI" eyes, nom; when he knows
he's wrong PLAIN Dealer.
"Now, l WANT to give you a point, !"
said the doctor as he prepared to jab
his lancet. Boston Traveller.
SHE-Do you like Wagner's music?
He-Oh, yes, since 1 have become
partially deaf. Detroit Free Press.
GUIDE-Have you seen the Sistine
Chapel? Tourist - Sixteen? Why,
I've seen about fifty Of theml-Hallo.
THE cookbook recipe is too often
like the disappointing novel. 1t does
not come out right. -Boston Tran
script
EVERY woman thinks there should
he law to protect her husband from
paying a bet that he loses. -Atchison
Globe.
JILsoN says that under the laws
against gambling a bookmaker's con-
tracts are not binding. - Buffalo
Courier.
CALLING a woman's dress dream
is polite way of saying that the cost
of it gives her husband nightmare.
st. Paul News.
WIFE-What kind of cards do you
think make the best calling cards?
Husband (absent-minde0 Aces, -
Rochester Democrat.
IT is comparatively easy to go to a
foreign port, but wine experts say
that precious little foreign port comes
to us. Lowell Courier.
CALLER-Has Dr. Killquick many
troublesome cases on hand? Office
Boy-No; his patients never last more
than three or four days.
"BILKEIN's is a strong face, or I'm
no judge Of physiognomy." 1T ought
to be- He and his whole family are
living on it."-Buffalo Courier
A KENsINeToN man calls his dog
Traction" because as soon as he let's
him out Of the house he goes tearing
up the Observation-Disclosures Record.
MOST people get their grip checked
if they are going away. Some people
who fail to get their grip checked in
time go away never to return. Troy
Press.
JINKs-I don't think it looks we'll
for a minister to wear diamonds.
Filkins-Why not? Aren't there SER
mons in stones?-Kate Fields Wash
ington.
81 WONDER what this image repre-
sents?" "The god of humor, prob
ably. Don't you see that it is full of
little, funny cracks?"-Indianapolis
Journal
JINKs-"Don't you believe that
spirits are all moonshine?" Filkins
-"Oh, no; some of them pay inter-
nal revenue taxes. Kate Fields
Washington.
81 SEE they have founded new
secret order and called it The Su-
preme Tribe Of Ben Hur.'" as that
so? Well, such an order has never
been heard Of.
Il WONDER how it was discovered
that fish was brain food?" She
Probably by the wonderful stories
that men tell who go fishing. Chi
cago Inter Ocean.
PROF. LANGLEY'S efforts to devise
a practical aerial machine are now
being seconded by Prof. Graham Bell,
who is taking a flyer that way
Philadelphia Ledger
STRAwBER-"What have you in
that envelope that you are handling
so carefully" Singerly-"A live fly
I've got to catch an early train in
the morning. Judge
WHENEVER a man fails his wife
tells the public that he was too Soon
scientious" to succeed. What she
tells him in private is sometimes diff
ferent. Globe
DINwIDDIE - "Bookkeepers and
straightforward performers have much
in common" Van Braam-"How |
SOP" Dinwiddie-"They both flourish
in the ledger domain. "-Pittsburg |
Chronicle.
MINKs-What earthly use have you |
got for six horses? Winks-Guess |
you don't know much about horses,
do you? Minks-N-n.o. Winks-I
keep six so that / will always have
two that won't have anything the |
matter with them. Nav Ynrk Pa