Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-09-20

QulpS
A TEXT for ress-reformers: "Woe
to the women that sew pillows to
all arm-holes. Ezekiel, xiii. 49,
Truth.
The trouble is that a girl in love
never looks into the future any further
than the next night he Is coming
Atchison Globe.
THE donkey carries three-quarters
of his own weight long distances.
This proves beyond all doubt that he
is donkey.-B0ston Transcript
PRoPHETIc. Has she given you
any encouragement? Oh, yes! She
says she will get all of her fathers
money when lie dies. Lilies Calen-
dar.
Iris quite natural that the actors
In seashore companies shou d mistake
for applause the noise made by people
killing mosquitoes. = Philadelphia
Record.
"HOw'D it come that such an all
around rascal as Lusherly took the
pledge?" "Er-I suppose no one hap
pened TO be looking" - Buffalo
Courier.
RADBURN-I hear Olcott has been
discharged from the police force. Do
you know what for? Chesney-Yes.
Refusing to accept bribe. Brook
Ign Life.
THE Georgia rattlesnake is out in
all his glory, and the snake liars are
sewing on the buttons and rafting
away at great rate.-Atlanta Con-
stitutiOn.
WE imagine that woman who
studies to be doctor would have to
be examined as to how quick she
could get up at night and dress.
Atchison Globe.
"A BAD hoy seldom gets his bad
ness from his father" says the Mana
yunk philosopher. 1.-THE old man
usually hangs on to all he has. -
Philadelphia Record.
THE bicycle girls who wear bloom
ers are better riders than their
skirted sisters, for it is apparent to
every one that they get on better
Philadelphia Record.
NEVER DRINK-"My wife calls me
Ducky because l take to water"
Old Soak-"My wife calls me Camel
berause can go so long without it,
Philadelphia Record.
GEORGE, father has failed"
THAT'S just like him. / told you all
along, darling, that he was going to
do all he could to keep US from
marrying. "-Life's Calendar.
THE Biddleby family at Newport
(they lathe at Easton's beach): Mr..
Biddleby-Say, Emmaline, these
bathin' suits haint no projections; I'm
wet clear through.-Harper's Bazaar.
SHE-They thought the world of
each other. He reigned in her heart
and she reigned in his. He-And
they didn't know enough to 20 in
when it reigned. = Boston Tran
script.
SEAsHoRE MORALITY. - Dan -
What's the matter, old man? Can't
you find your batting suit? Van
Cad! Pm not trying 10. Pm looking
for better one.-Kate Fields Wash
ington.
CHEER up people! Cane-grinding
is getting mighty close to us, and
caady-pulling time is not more than
six blocks away. There'll be life in
the old land yet!-Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
Mr.. KI.BRADGE "a visiting English
man)-By the way, Boston is within
few hours OF New York, isn't 1t?
Miss Vinton (of New York)-Oh,
dear, no; it isn't within twenty years
Of it.-Vogue.
AN artist being asked, as sculp-
ture difiicult?" answered.: "Why,
bless you, no! You have only to take
a block Of marble and cnisel, and
knock off all the marble you don't
want. "-Tid-Bits
PHYsICIAN-"YOu must avoid all
excitement; avoid beer or wine en-
tirely. and drink only water" ~But,
doctor, the idea of drinking water ex-
cites me more than anything else. -
Fliegende Blaetter.
Mrs. DE STYLE-Have you noticed
the quiet dignity and repose of our
new footman? Bachelor Brother "a
traveler)-Y-e-s, 1 think he must
have been waiter in a railroad RESI-
taurant New York Weekly.
JIMMY-"What is this moral cour-
age that the Sunday school teacher
was tellin us about?" Tommy-aAs
near as kin guess it, it's the kind of
courage that kids has that's afraid
to fight. "-Indianapolis Journal.
MAMMA engaged in correcting
Johnny)-"You know / hate to do it,
Johnny. / sympathize with you,
but" Johnny-"Haven't there
been enough sympathetic strikes
without your 6eginning?"--Boston
Transcript.
WHAT'S all dis kickin' bout arbi-
tration?" asked one man of another
on the train that was headed for the
race track. "Well, We see, it's kick
for decisions, see? Dey t'ink dat IL
de gov'ment goes in an umpires de
game dey won't be so many strikes
called. Washington Star.
IDLE IKE-@Walk right by dat fell
Ter sellin' shoestrings widout noticin'
'im." Lazy Luke-"Why?" Idle Ike
--Cuz he amt recognized by our set
no more" Lazy Luke-"How's dat?"
Idle Ike-"Dis is de third time dat
mans been c0uQht tryin' ter earn his