The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1894-05-09
THE FREE TRADE THEORISTS.
An Amusing Speech.

HON. D. Z. 0lDley, M. Z. Tor pennsylvania,
| fought the Wilson bill, for reduction of tie
| tariff, and got off some happy hits against
| the theorists. He said: ,
The free trade theorist is generally a
grand good man, with kindly heart and a
keen intellect. but almost invariably pos
sessed of a vivid imagination. Give him
the measurements of the most irregular
shaped tract of land and he can tell you to
the square foot how many acres the plat
contains; he can tell you just how many
turnip seeds would be required for it's plant
ing, and how much it would cost to ship
the product; but give him the farm itself
and except for the assistance OF some Lired
| man or the advice of some hard headed
horny-handed farmer neighbor he would
starv to death in six months. Theories are
sublime but they generally have more ref
erence to things to be aspired to, and per-
lection which shall find it's ultimate being
in the sweet and bissful hereafter rather
than in the stern conditions of the present
hour. Love we your enemies and do good
and lend, hoping for nothing again" Ma
JeStic utterance. sublime theory, but who
shall obtain unto fullness of the divine pre-
Cept
Unto him who smiteth thee on the one
cheek offer also the other; and him that
taketh away thy cloak, forbid him not to
| take thy coat also" Matchless theory; the
age of it's coSummation devoutly to be
hoped; but in this stern, practical age-this
wicked age-were we to adopt it in our
practice, through the icy blasts of winter
we would see the members of this house all
| walking in their shirt sleeves, and few in
dlVidualS with clOakS and coats piled upon
their backs higher than haycocks Carry
out this theory tomorrow and inside of two
days ten men would have all the coats in
City of Washington Uaughter.) .4
Theorists are at the helm. The same
house pilot in August steered the Demo-
| cratic ship against ledge of sunken silver,
stove mighty hole in her bows, careened
her over, we'll nigh sunk her, lost a mighty
big portion of her crew. and put the balance
upon short allowances. Qaughter) The
bold house pilot whose name this bill bears
has grasped the wheel again, and with dar-
ing in his eye, determination in his heart
and theories in his head has put her on a
course which leads against an iron ore
ledge at one point. "a coal vein at another
and 800 minor srocks in his direct course
Ii we beg to protest and advise a course
that is less dangerous in it's way and leads
to calmer waters ard brings her to a safer
harbor, are wejperforce not Democrats?
Mr.. Chairman; if the authors of this bill
are headed toward an abyss, shall we fol-
| low them as bindly and unthinkingly as
| sheep follow their leader? On my fathers
| farm, when l was aoDoy, there stood big
| bank barn, and at the back of the barn
| there was pool which in summer was
| hog wallow. l remember well one summer
| day we drove up the flock of sheep for the
| annual shearing. At their head, full Of life
| with fire in his eye, hesitating al times to
| consult his followers and stamp his foot
| was big old buck The front doors were
| open. The flock did not want to go in the
| barn. but by "Shooing and hollering' they
| finally made a break, the big buck leading
Now at the back of the ban was a doonf
cut in half. from which in winter we pushed
| out the straw for the manure pit and in
summer threw cut the feed for the hogs
| Unfortunately, on this day the upper half
| of this door left open and the old
buck, seeing daylight through the barn,
| made a rush. cleared the obstruction, and
| landed plump in the mud of the hog-wallow
| Is feet below. Uaughter)
! Nearly every one of the sheep followed
| No use to say, Come, Nam Come Man,
| We could sing it sweet or call it loud
! Great laughter) No difference. With eyes
| set and muscles tense away they went over
| the door A few hesitated at the leap;
| others tried to jump. but fell back and
! from making the plunge and following the
great majority into the hog-wallow
Q4aughter.)
If you ever saw mixed up mutton mar
| ket, you saw it right there. Great laugh
| teri We uncovered them at first and dug
! them out at last. The old buck, the leader
| of the flock, the patriarch of the tribe, was
| found at. the bottom of the heap Oaugh-
| teri The only way recognized him was
! by the one horn still left on his head
| Oaughter.) One leg was broken, his fleece
| was scattered around in the feet of the
| other sheep. Uaughter.) We patched him
| up, and he came around after a fashion,
| but his back was weak, his glory had de-
| parted; so we named him Ichabod and
| traded him off that fall for a secondhand
| gfindStOne. Great laughterD