The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1894-01-25
JOKES OF JOHNNY REBS.

Once General Hardee came across a
straggler and asked him ''why he did
| not travel faster and keep up with his
command" The soldier wished to
know what in the deuce he had to do
with it,
"Only that | am General Hardee.
the commander of this department"
was the reply.
oh, you wrote book on tactics,
did you?"
Il id" said the General.
"Nell,' said the private. Il have
been taught according to your rules
how to double column at half distance.
Now | wish you would tell me how
to double distance on half rations."
General Hardee stuck spurs to his
horse and travelled on.
Early in the war one of the men OF
a South Carolina brigade was on
picket duty (so called near Manassas.
There was not a Yankee within TWEEN
t. miles of Us at that time The next
day there was to be an inspection, and
our hero had taken his gun all to pieces
and was rubbing it up SO as to make
it shine the next day when inspected.
While 50 doing General Barham,
who was unknown to the soldier (who
was new recruit), rode up. What
are you doing there?" said General
Barham. ''Oh, am kind Of sentinel,
who are you, any hOw?"
''Oh, L am only kind of Briga-
IL 4 |,
Hold on; wait until [ get this darn
ed old gun together and l will give
you kind of present. said the senti-
nel
But General Barham did not wait.
He went off and reported the luckless
soldier, who, in short time, founnd
himself "a kind Of a prisoner in "a
kind Of a guard house and had to do
a number Of extra hours of duty as "a
kind of sentinel.
On one occasion a man from GeOr-
gla had been very persistent in per
sonal application to General Lee for
furlough. One morning the Gener-
al asked his tormentor if he under
stood the position of a soldier He
was ordered to assume it. General Lee
then gave the command right about
face; forward, march" As he never
gave the command to ''halt' the GeOr-
gian kept on marching until he got
tired; but this little hint cured him.
and his next application was through
the usual channels.
When General Malone was wound
ed at second Manassas some one, to
comfort Mrs. Malone, said: 80. don't
be uneasy; its only flesh wound"
Mrs. Malone through her tears
cried out: "Oh, [ know that is i'm
possible. There is not flesh enough
on him for that"
| don't know whether this is a joke
on the General or private. A day or
SO after the old First reached Manas-
ass junction, in August. 1861, one Of
the men, who did not clearly compre-
hend his position, had the impudence
to ask General Beauregard where
certain big guns that had just arrived
from Richmond would be placed"
The General replied: Young man,
if the coat on my back knew the secrets
of my heart | would cut it in pieces"
On the Peninsula the gallant and
jolly General Bankhead Magruder had
ordered a meal for himself and staff.
A hungry reb-and who ever saw one
who was not hungry ?-came up to the
farm house, espied the nicely filled
table, and without leave or license, sat
down and began to annihilate things
Just then the General and friends
walked in, escorted by the host. All
were surprised.
'Halt"' said fiery Magruder, in
terms more explicit than polite, ''do
you know whose table that is you are
eating at ?" NO, sir said John Reb,
with his mouth full. Whose is it?'
General Magruders, sir, the com
mander Of this department"
'.All tight, General" with another
big mOuthful. These war times |
aint particular where [ eat or who [
eat with; sit down and make yourself
at home"
The foraging private was uncere-
mOniOusl Y fired out, but not before he
had nearly gotten outside of a pretty
square meal.