The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-08-04

Brother GARDNER Aesspts the JanI.
tep's osiSaatien.

Gem len" said Brother Gardiner,
as he stood up, adjusted his spec
tacles and looked around the hall, lit
has come TO my ears dat sartin pus-
sons in dis Limekiln Club ar feelin'
sort o. shaky bout our finances. Dey
am talkin' bout embezzlement, de-
falcashun and shortage, and dey say
dey can't sleep O. nights fur worryin'
ober it. l shall take advantage OF
dis occashun to explain sartin things
TO yo'.
"Fustly, our system of bookkeepin
hain't made up Of debit credit, mar
shendize an profit an loss. When We
take in any money, it is put right
down on de book in plain handwritin
as cash tooken in. It's de same
when We pay out Oar am no profit
no loss. De tiggers am right dar
an can't git away nor fade out.
Secondly, our treasurer am not
only under bonds, but we doan' trust
him too fur. We low him to walk
around wild about 30 cents Of our
money in his pocket, but dat's de
limit. Once a week we investigate,
an we doan' let 60 till the figures
balance.
Thirdly, ID takes fo' Of us to draw
any money from de bank, an our
Office safe is nebber opened 'cept in
de presence OF three members. Jest
ut dis time dis club has about SIS on
hand. To git dat money five men,
bers would have to enter into con-
spiracy an dodge around fur three
or fo' weeks. We nebber keep above
fo'ty cents in de Office safe, an should
q pusson tackle dat safe he would
fust be cotched in b ar trap, den he
would be shot wild buckshot, den he
would be blowed up by dynamite, an
at de next meetn all de evidence we
should find OF him would be few
eye lashes stickin to the ceilin ober-
head.
Dis club does not employ conf
Dental clerk Its treasurer does not
play de races nor w ar diamonds. 1t
does not wait till de eand OBJ de var
to balance its books. 1t believes dat
all its officers am honest, but it doan'
offer any Of 'em no chances to git
hold OBJ de Doodle an skip. We nei-
ther loan nor borrow. Dar am occa-
shuns when Samuel Shin wants to
put up his jacknife as collateral for
ID cents, or Shindig Watkins will git
two members in good standin to in
dorse his note fur quarter, but | al
lus advance de money from my own
pocket and take all de risks. De time
may come when Paradise Hall will
be struck by lightning, bat none o
yo' will live long 'nuff to diskiver dat
our treasurer am II cents ahead of de
game.
when we look around us heah to-
night we miss de absence of Brudder
Shutdown Davis, who was our janitor
fur ober two vars. Am he dead?
Am he lyin' on bed of pain? Am
he fur, fur away from home and can't
get heah! My friends, Brudder Da-
Wis will meet wild us no mo- He am
healthy and well and right heah in
town, but sunthin has happened to
him. Brudder Davis allus felt sensi-
tive about his reputashun fur homes
ty, He knowed had an eye on him
an it hurt his feelins. At the meetin
a week ago tonight left cokernut
on my desk Us test of his honesty.
When drapped in heah next day as
he was cleanin up, dat cokernut was
gone Brudder Davis felt his homes
ty insulted when axed him if he had
sawn it. De bare idea dat | should
suspect him of eben layin his paws
on dat property made him so mad
dat he threatened to resign. Dat
vartuous look which he put on might
hev stood some folks off, but it
didn't skeer me. | stood Brud.
der Davis up in co'ner and pur-
ceeded to s'arch him, an perhaps it
am needless to say dat found my
missin cokernut in de busum of his
flannel shirt No experts war called
in to examine his books, and | didn't
peal to de police. | jest took hold of
him an wrenched an shook him an
banged his head agin de wal till he
hollered fur mercy. Den | accepted
his resignashun without waitin fur
de club to act, an Brudder Davis
won't meet up wild us no mo- in dis
cold world.
Il want to say right heah and now
dat if dar am any odder highly sem
sitive pusson in dis clob-pussons
who handle our cash or hev charge Of
our belongings an feel dat little
watchin degrades em-dey had bet
ter offer deir resignashuns right
away. Our assets am gwine TO keep
right on bein SIS an our liabilities
| muffin t all, an il we hurt anybody's
feelns dey am not obleeged to stay
in de club. Oar am not de slightest
occashun to worry ober de safety OF
our finances. Eben il de bank busts
up know whar de president Ibis, an
| know dat three or TO of us kin rake
in SIS wuth of his Leghorn chickens
an make dis club solid befo' 10 o clock
on de night of de calamity. One word
mo-: Our treasurer W ars what pears
| TO be a 5000 diamond pin, an some of
de brethren feel skeery on dis ac-
count. Dar am no call fur il. Dat