Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1894-05-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Humbug-Bumble bees.
Buy words-How much2
A shining lirht-Jupiter.

oul NOEOs-AIOH uuCuf
A shining light-Jupiter.
A spokesman-The wheelwright.
A pronounced fsilure-Stuttering
Room for improvement-The gym
nasium.-Truth.
az am willing enough to work." sai
.soung Steer, "but 1 can't find anybod
to work. ."-Elmira Gazette.
Cholly-"What kind OF a balance ha,
me wawtsch7" Jeweler-'Probsbly a.
unpaid one. ."-Jeweler's Weekly.
George-"I thought yoa were study.
ing oil wells in the West" Fred-"Ol,
I gave it up; it was such q bore, yol
know."-Exchange.
Crlticus docking at picture Of ttt
npressionistl--"If that's high art, then
I'm an IDIOT" Cynicus-'sWell, that is
high art. It'd bits.
I Extreme loqusciousness seldom goc
With an air of prosperity. The more a
man talks through his hat the shabbier
il gets.-Washington Star.
Crinoline or ch.lera,
Which one will it bs
10 sweep the western continent
In eighteen ninety-three,
Detroit Free Press.
She--''Really, now, aren't you q
married nanm He-"No. Whyi" Size
-"Oh, you have such settled look"
He--"Yes; I've been refused by thirtee
girls"
Doctor-''I really believe you have
some kind Of poison In your system. "
Patient (Gloomily)--'T shouldn't won
der. What was that last stuff you gave
mef"-Judy.
A-"Hello, old chapi Congratula
tionsl / hear you have married lad y
with an Independent fortunew B-"No;
l married fortune with an independent
lady."-Vogue.
Daggs - "What are you reading
iherc2" Scaggs-"The story of She
Who Must Be Obeyed.'" Daggs-"Oh,
yes; the romance of . hired girl. -
Somerville Journal.
Borker--"Spoodle has married cir.
who knows half dozen languages.
Nagger-''Poor fellow, pity himl Ny
wife only knows one language, and find
that one too many"
Love peeped into the cottage,
And the building seemed all right;
But scanty supply OF pottage
Made him quickly take his hight.
Truth.
Partisan Ito intimate friend)-'p
dave brought the novel you asked me to
lend you, but, as you are not fond of re-
turning books, will take back couple
of yours &C hostages. ."-L'Echo Francais.
Family Physician-"Well, Mr. Ay-
ing, what is it now1 Any fresh trouble
on handp Caller-"No, I don't think
you could csll it exactly fresh trouble,
Doctor. It's salt rheum. ."-Chicagc
Tribune.
A stump orator wanted the wings Of
bird, to fly to every village and hamlet
in the broad land; bat he collapsed
wher u man in the crowd sang out
YOU'D get shot for a goose before you
fex a mile. Tit Bits.
Miss Poetique-"How dreamily de
ightful is the soothing sound OF old
oceans waves rolling up iu the moon
light upon tho silver sands!" Miss Prac-
tioal--"Yes, I always did like to hear
the water sloshing around on the beach.
--Somerville Journal.
Biggs-"You say your wife alwayA
pins a flower on your coat before you
leave homel" "Yes; she has for
month" Biggs--"Well, 1t shows she
thinks of you." "No; it's because she
never can remember to sew on the but
ton. Chicago Inter Ocean.
A man can grow sad, melancholy, dys.
peptic, bilious, hollow eyed, pale, dc.
jected, tired of life, cynical, cold
blooded, repellant and too dangerous to
be at large, and still he will laugh to
see fat man chasing street car that is
going three feet to his ouc.-Detroil
Free Press.
"Want to buy some of those applesf"
inquired the grocer's clerk. "To buy
some7" said the hopeless looking man
near the barrel, with a dry sob. "No, |
don't want to buy any; but if it doesn't
cost too much I'd like to stand here u
few minutes and indulge sparingly iu
smelling them. ."-Chicago Tribune.
"Halloa, Major said the Judge OIL,
morning; 81 haven't seen you for i
week; where have you beenf" ''Bc,n
home i'll as anything" replic the
Major. "Yo1l Why you were always
as healthy as could be. What in the
world made you ilI2" "Well, Itricl IL
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