The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1894-06-06
LETTERS FROM CRANKS.
cs4zY coRHssPONDENCE THAT
roURs IN ON UNCLE SAM.
reople with Insane schemes--A Curious
Plan for n Religious Garden
Modern Aiche,nist

A large part OF Uncle Sans mail
comes from insane asylums. 1t is a
fact that people confined on account
OF dimentia. having nothing better TO
do commonly amuse themselves with
vri,lng letters 70 the governemnt Every
one Of the departments here receives
great numbers OF computations from
cranks OF all sorts, most OF whom. how
ever. are not under restraint Many OF
them are the wild chickering's of hopeless
lanacy-nearly always religious lunacy--
while some are exceedingly amusing.
There is one man who wants the De-
partment Of Agriculture 10 cSiapnsh
what he calls a religious garden. his
plan Is that trees. shrubs, etc, Shab De
obtained from the Holy Land i9r re-
Eden. incidentally, the suitapihty OF
American soil and climate for the plants
Of dawning creation Will be demonstrated.
Plants possessing significance IN con-
nection with Bible history-such as the
olive the palm and the cedar OF Lebanon
would be included. Of course The plan
paws no attention 10 the scientific be-
lief that the vegetation OF the Sarden
OF Eden could not have been comparable
20 that Of the present day, the evolution
of plants toward beauty and perfection
having been steadily progressing since
the beginning
a note OF alarm is sounded by q ne"
York crank, who writes g..
THE extent TO which the nation ~
using electricity Is most seriously aicS,
ing the atmosphere and. consequently
the weather and climate. and. conSSS1
Quently again, both animal ana Nese.aoaal
life The grip was uuquestionabiy Ca!uSGeu
by the action Of artificial elecrlcl.y
uDon the oxygen Of the air. The USE oi
Electricity has thus ruined the hea satn
OF millions. sent tens OF thousands 1hto
untimely graves, and caused the iOSS
by Ere storm and food Of humorous % ot
millions Of dollars worth Of property ana
Without one word Of protest from
The press or government Is sun per
nittcd 10 continue its deviiish work Oh
death and destruction"
Another lunauc gives notice on tne
approaching destruction Of the EARN ny
n comet. lie wants a government po9Iu
appointed TO hear his plans for escaping
from the danger. In his last letter oh
the subject he says:
when / see the lives Of all men anu
animals in peril, while you seem Cd. ',
90 my appeal for your own preservation
A man in the state of Washington
wrote 20 Secretary Morton the oiher
day. saying that he had lost his wite,
and was very lonely. He wanted the
Secretary to pick out for him "a hkely,
woman" and send her along. lie stated
that he had written to the Department
and got some books, and they were eo Se
on another occasion he wrote Tor seeds
and though his neighbOrs told him that
they would not amount 10 anything, .hey
turned out all right 80 be thougnt tu ,on
he would be likely 10 do equally Wen
IN ordering a wife from the Department
Not long ago q lady in the same De
partment received q proposal a marriage
picture, and a brief sketch of her life
I'm the Ladies Home Journal, ana II
had struck him that the portrait reseH-
hled his late wife. He addressed a let
ter 10 the orieinal. offering 10 her car
riaee, three horses, house, two BARNS
and his heart. The lady, who Is me
widow Of n Confederate general replis q
In the negative She told him that she
had four grandchildren, and suggested
That he would do better 10 select a
-ounger woman for mate. Neverthe-
less. he wrote again, asking her TO re-
consider her decision.
me Department Of Agriculture put up
and distributed g9,ooOO0 packages OF
few mistakes should not be made in the
execution of so enormous a labor 50
now and then IL happens that person
gets seed that are wrongly labeled, ana
when they come up he writes angry let
tiers 10 Washington. There is some eX-
cuse for disgust when a man mas planted
his lawn with clover, and finds 1t COM
ing up turnips and radishes.
That most destructive weed, the Rus.
SIAN thistle has been much abused Oh
late. Neverthelees, it is said that sheep
win feed on II. Hearing this, a man in
Oregon writes 10 ask for some seeds
Of the plant. If. as alleged, II will grow
anywhere. and will afford material for
suggests that an experiment station might
be established for the cultivation and
Improvement Of the thistle.
People are constantly making absurd
requests. Farmers often write to ask
that their blowing shall be done for them
OF their Wheathelds weeded. They con-
slider that the goyernment is rich. and
ought 70 help poor folks. One man APP
piled the other day for a loan OF agri-
CULTURAL implements. which he could not
afford to buy Another requested the
gift Of a dictionary and a Bible. An in
dividual with a grievance wrote; please
hand this 70 Uncle Sam. and see that
be attends to II. From the phrases
that ne employed II was evident that he
thought that Uncle Sam was an actual
parsonage. Replies are made to the most
nonsensical missivcs, so long as an an
sweT IS not likely 10 encourage indef-
nite correspondence.
Ever SO many people imagine that the
government owes them immense sums of
money. one man has a claim for $500
oIJeO. Every now and then he sends
in demand for payment on a postal
card. stating that he cannot give any
longer credit. There is a man who gives
himself the title of universal peace corn
missioner. His business is to maintain
peace among the nations by acting as
general arbitrator. His salary OF 1850
q voar is far in arrears ard he duns
the President for il at regular intervals.
Another person offers 10 teach the gov
eminent how 10 turn silver into gold
Such a process would be so extremely
desirable al the present time that Uncle
Sam would not begrudge the 100000
demanded for the secret of il. If only
any faith were had OF its practicability.
An ingenious citizen Of Louisiana has
conveyed n suggestion to the effect that
scent pieces shall be coined 10 take
the place of nickels. BY this means the
price Of pretty nearly everything that
now sells for a nickel would be reduced
% cents. The workingman would pay
cent less for car fare, for a loaf Of
bread. for a schooner Of beer or what not.
Another scheme offered is that silvered
dollars shall be made 10 contain small
discs Of gold. rendering them smaller
and more convenient 10 carry. There are
hlnan sharks who obtain money from
Door immigrants by palming off upon
t-m worthless advertising scrip and |
orer stun. The victims often write 10 |
20 treasury asking for reimbursement. !
soma Of their letters are very pathetic.
Nhly appointed postmasters frequent |
y write 10 ask for photographs of the |
fefmaster General. They say that they |
Nar' them TO hang up alongside Of por- |
traits % Washington and Lincoln. An /
applicant for n postmastership recently |
s-lt PHOTOGRAPH Of his wife. himself |
ana te1 children He explained that he |