Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1894-03-22
Let % All Laugh.


To ENJOY warm spring sit on a
hot fiat-iron placed on a chair by your
wife. -Siftings.
TEACHER-"Willie, what is men,
ory?" Willie-"The thing you forget
with. Vogue.
II ALWAYS did enjoy an intellectual
feast" said the cannibal as he ate
the Yale man.-Life.
THE man who Is waiting for his
ship to come in usually finds 1t tug.
-Yonkers Statesman.
THE surgeon may be very sedate,
but he Is great hand to cut up
Glens Falls Republican.
ARE the members of the college Pi
Eta society particularly partial to
pastry?-Lowell Courier.
Many a man who would like to re-
form the world has front gate that
wont stay shut.-Ram's Horn.
THERE is a time for everything"
when the boarding house cook makes
ash.-Binghamton Republican.
IT is said peace efforts are on foot
In Honduras. Statesmen may be
having their corns cut.-Picayune.
WHEN a man past so hasn't had
any bad luck for three days he begins
to quake and tremble. -Atchison
Globe.
THE man didn't know how IL
sounded when he said: "I'll believe
there's hell when l see it"-Plain-
dealer.
"YOU can't eat your dinner and
have it, too" said the sympathetic
steward to the seasick passenger
,Siftings.
THE widower about to remarry Is
the most unselfish of mortals He
seldom thinks Of number one.-Al-
bany Press.
AFTER man passes 40 he can help
his children most by saving up money
to care for himself in his old age
Atchison Globe.
GRAMMAR TEACHER-"In the SEN
tence Where am l at?' what is 'at?'"
Scholar-"A superfluity, miss. De
troit Free Press.
PATIENI-"Can you draw tooth,
Doctor" Dentist-"Well, l should
say so. Pm a perfect artist in that
line. Exchange.
PRIMA DoNNA-"I sing only En-
glish words" Manager - Never
mind. No one will need to know it..
Detroit Tribune.
IT was Manitoba high-school boy
who said there were four zones
frigid, torrid, temperate and intem-
perate..-Lynn Item.
"THE hard times make very little
difference to me-" remarked a lime
dealer; "my business is always slack. !"
philadelphia Record.
TOMMY - Paw, what is a brag-
CART? Mr.. Figg-He is man who
is not afraid to tell his real opinion
of himself-Indianapolis Journal.
PoETIoUs (breathlessly) AZ have
just dashed of these few lines
and" Editor-"Well, er, suppose
you dash off yourself" = Boston
Courier.
"SAY, pa" asked Freddy, "why is 1t
that when you or Uncle George tell a
story you always get laughed at and
when l tell one l get lickin'?"-
Buffalo Courier.
FIRST BEGGAR yesterday l ex-
tended my business enormously"
Second Ditto-"In what way?" First
Ditto-"I broke one Of my ribs. -
Lustige Blaetter.
DozELEIGH-Why do you insist
upon the new pastor being fat man?
Deacon roadaisle-Because fat men
are generally short-winded.- will
Transport Review.
"IDLENEss covers a man with
nakedness," was the profound OBJ
servation Of gentleman in the
Crown Lands Department., noted for
his fiowery eloquence. Grip
"DID the publishers accept the novel
of hers in which the heroine kills her
husband by slow poison?" "No. They
advised her to adopt prussic acid and
make it short story. Puck.
81 SHALL be glad when 1 get big
enough to wash my own face" NUT
tered little Johnny after his mamma
had got through with him; "then !
won't wash it"-Boston Transcript.
II AM very much afraid" said the
good old parson as he was admonsh-
ing his flock, that unless you mend
your ways some of you, when Gabriel
blows his trumpet, will come out at
the little end of the horn. Rochester
Democrat.
LITTLE ETHEL-What Is these an.
archist people talkin' ABOUT? Little
Johnny-Why, they wants everything
everybody else has got an they never
wash themselves. Little Ethel-Oh,
/ see. They is little boys growed up.
Good News.
"PAPA," said little Isaac, @vot is
vun hundredt per zent?" at de-
ponds on circumstances" replied
Ringsheimer. "Vun hundredt per
zent is small profit, but larch undt
oudtraichus settlement ohf your
debts. Harlem Life.
KITTY-Tom is down South this
winter. and he has just sent me the
loveliest little alligator you ever
saw. Ada-How are you going to
keep him? Kitty don't know; but
I've put IL in Florida water until