davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-04-21
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Sound Doctrine 1.-The Streets .
The Topmost Top--ln 6Iissfui Is-
norance, Etc, Etc.

noranee. Etc, Etc.
SOUND DOCTRINE.
Waiter" said Uncle Allen Sparks
blandly, lin the union of hams and
eggs there should be some disparity
in the matter Of age. You may take
this back. - Chicago Tribune.
THE STREETS.
Our streets are never so they Just
Exactly please a body,
For when it's dry they re full OF dust,
And when it rains they're muddy.
Il Chicago Journal.
THE ToPMosT TOP.
Billings-What do you consider
your highest fight Of fancy?
Poet-The attic stairs in my castle
in the air Philadelphia Record.
IN BLIssFUL IGNORANCE.
Wiggerly-My wife is giving our
servant cooking lessons.
Muggns-How is she getting on?
Wiggerly-I don't know / take
my meals out.
TO THE BEST OF HIS RECOLLECTION.
Critical Barber Feeling new Gus
TONER'S bristles)-Where did you get
shaved last, sir?
Customer-On my face Chicago
Tribune.
SUDDENLY ILLUMINED.
what are you wearing dark glass
es for?" said one clerk to another.
you never had trouble with your
eyes before, did you?"
Never. But the janitor came
around and washed the window by
my desk. The sudden glare was too
much for me. - Washington Star.
THE CONNECTING LINK.
Mrs. Van Veneering-Do you know
the Richleys well?
Mrs. .Iere Mandering-Likea book.
We employ the same dressmaker.-
Life.
SEQUENCE.
What did you do after you stole
the watch?"
Time"
APPLICABLE TO BOTH.
Mrs. Brown (nudging Mr.. Brown,
who snores with his mouth open)-
William. you'd make less noise if
you'd keep your mouth shut!
Mr.. Brown (only half awake)-So' d
you Life.
HE KNEW HER.
Mrs. Fidget-Now, Tommy, want
you to be as quiet as mouse. I'm
busy.
Tommy (scornfully)-Huh II |
was mouse, you'd jump ur on a
chair and yell!-[Truth.
CLASSIFIED.
Tourist Gn Oklahoma)-What is
the population Of this town?
Alkali Ike (promptly)-Eight hun
dred and sixtv-seven souls and thirty
one real estate agents. Puck.
FREAKIsH FREAKS.
Museum Manager-lve got too
many of you freaks. I'll have to dis
charge one of you.
India-Rubber Man-Let it be the
Human Salamander; he's used to
the fire.
Manager-No! | think I'll bounce
you Philadelphia Record.
urARTIFSs
"Sleeping, | dreamed n dream"
He said, you cannot guess.
Things are not always what they
seem;
l dreamed that you said yes.
"Did you indeed?" she said,
And gazed with thoughtful air
At him, while he turned white and
red,
Tell me-whpt man was there?"
i New York World.
THE CLIMAX.
Jack Frontrow-That' a good old
fashioned play. The villain is caught
in the act.
Billy Footlights-What act?
Jack Frontrow-In the last act
Brooklyn Life.
THE NEW OFFICE BOY.
Employer-Boy, take this letter,
and wait for an answer.
New Boy-Ies, sir.
Employer-Weu. what are you
waiting for?
New Boy-The answer, sir.-[Har-
per's Bazar.
GOOD GROUNDS.
There's grounds for a strike, "
said. the agitator.
"Where?" asked a workman.
"In the clock factory. A young
The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-04-21

Upon n bright morning Of mid
December Della stood in the kitchen.
She was rolling pie crust, and as she
nodded il into the desired shape and
thickness the smile upon her face
eliminated in laugh. Ii was so
happy n laugh that her mother, sit
The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-04-21
A KEOR4L NIZATIoy.

Mr.. De Broker-Well, my son, how
did you and the boys come out on
your peanut speculation?
Small Son-When we got through
/ owed the other boys 80 cents.
Hum :"
"Oh, it's all right now. We reor-
ganized."
"Eh?"
Yes. ! capitalized at 81. gave
the other boys half the stock for
their debt, and then sold them the
other half. So now they owe me 20
cents. ."-[Good News.
The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-04-21
AN EMPHATIC QUESTION.

What was that awful noise in
your house last night?"
"Oh. my wife merely asked where
I'd been. - Halo.
AMBIGUOUS.
did she receive him when he
called?"
"She not only received him, but
introduced him TO her father to boot"
-[Cape Cod Weekly.
The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1894-04-21
4 SOUND DOCTRINE.

Waiter" said Uncle Allen Sparks
blandly, lin the union of hams and
eggs there should be some disparity
in the matter Of age. You may take
this back. = Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
A BAD BLOODY FIGHT
Takes Place Near One of the To-
peka Saloons.
SILVER LAKE MEN DRINK HOPTEA


Bruised in n Horrible Manner.
Loafers in the vicinity of peg Leg
McClafferty's hoptea emporium on the
lower part of Kansas avenue, thought
there was a murder in the alley last
evening. Pat McRoberts of Silver Lake
was found lying on his back with his
hands outstretched; his head and face
were bleeding from innumerable cuts
and bruises. McRoberts was found to be
only unconscious however, and he and
his assailant, J. II. Young, were taken to
the police headquarters.
City Physician Hibben was called and
dressed McRoberts' wounds and literally
put his "head in a sling" leaving only
space enough between the various band
ages for him to see out Of the eve that
was not closed, and draw little fresh air
through his mouth. An inventory of Nc
Roberts I'M uries shows the following to be
among the more important: Nose broken,
cut over left eye two inches long (sewed
up); cut under left eve, one more cut
and two Jumps on his forehead; left eye
closed; one eye BACKED; both lips
swollen: two scalp wounds; right ear
spllced and numerous wounds about his
body not visible to the court.
Mckoberts and Young are brothers
in-law, the former 66 and the latter 30
years of age. They came in from Silver
Lake yesterday and drank about four
tea Then the men renewed an old fam
lily quarrel, and eye witnesses said that
Young first hit McRoberts with a brick
bat and then jumped on his PROSTATE
form.
"How many times did Young hit him?"
asked the judge of one colored witness.
81 dunno, sah," was the reply; Il amt
very good at figgers and he hit him SO
fast deed cOuldn' count 'em."
City Physician Hibben testified that
the wounds had the appearance of being
inflicted by the traditional "blunt instru-
ment," and could not have been received
as Young claimed, when the victim fell
''How many times did McRoberts
fall?" asked the judge of Young.
"Iwice, I think"
swell, he couldn't have got all those
wounds in falling twice, could he? He
would have had to fall dozen times all
over the alley to get those cuts and
bruises. l don't believe that story"
The result of the trial was that Young
was fined $25. He is said to be sail
right" when sober. and he gave a good
bond that the fine would be paid before
Saturday.
Pat McROberts was charged with dis
turbing the peace. He pleaded guilty
and was fined So. The bandages over
his ears prevented him hearing dis
tinctly, and the court had to yell five
dollars" in his ears several times. He
had big roll of bills, however, and paid
the fine, and the roll looked as big az
ever.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23

organs is the food for people whose di-
gestive organs are weak"
1t was only natural that such a state
ment. coming from SO high an authority,
should have made a profound impression
among the leading physicians and scien-
lists of Europe, and it brings into special
prominence the recent discovery of pre-
digested starch food known to doctors, to
scientists and the world as PaskoIa. Com
paratively few people outside the highest
medical circles know of this wonderful
discovery, but it is known to possess the
qualities of flesh forming, strength-im-
parting, life-giving power which has
never been known before in the history
of the world.
Tests which have been made showing
a weak pale, rundown condition, accom-
panied with indigestion and general loss
of energy, have shown most remarkable
results. and it is not improbable that the
discovery of Paskola will be accepted as
the flesh forming food of the nineteenth
century by the highest authorities in both
Europe and America. Certainly it is SUI
perseding cod liver oils, beef tea, and the
fatty preparations which have been used
SO extensively in the past, and the results
SO far achieved amply warrant the wis
dom of those who have taken such &C
ton.
A pamphlet giving full particulars re-
speeding Paskola will be sent on applica-
ton to the Pre- igested Food Co., 80
Reade St, N. Y. City.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
A Fast.dious colOred Lady.

Mrs. Judge Peterby of Houston en-
plOys colored cook named Matilda
SNOWFALL, who is great favorite with
the sterner sex, but who is very high
toned nevertheless
WHO is that horrible looking negro !
saw prowling around here?' asked Mrs.
Peterby Indignantly.
Oats Teller keeps company wild on
week days"
''On week days?"
eyes, mum. Yer don't s'pose I'd be
seen wild SIGH a handy legged, google eyed
moke like him on Sundays, does yer?
Yer orter see de cullud gemman keeps
company wild on Sundays. Yer'd be
s'prised, yer would. Texas Siftings.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
Ola Johns Cough.

In small village in Lancashire there
Is an old worthy known locally as 'FOld
john" This man, among other ailments
incident to old age, suffers from a very
severe cough. One day the minister.
while out for a walk, came across Old
John leaning over the churchyard wall
and coughing violently. Coming up to
him, the minister remarked:
"That's a nasty cough you have,
John"
aye, sir, that it is" answered John.
s'But,' he added, nodding his head in the
direction of the churchyard, ''there's
mony and mony poor soul DER theer I'D
be glad o. shis. '-LondOn Paper.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23

A man came down Franklin street last
evening carrying a satchel. A young fell
low who stood on the corner of Niagara
street stepped forward and said, ''Say,
boss, have you got any old clothes to
sel1?''
'sNo," replied the man.
'tWant your satchel carriedf'
ssNo."
s'Tn shine your shoes for 5 cents"
''Don't want a shine"
s'Want to buy a paper%
ssNo."
The young man looked with well sinu-
lated surprise at the man carrying the
satchel and said, ''Well, can clean car
pets or pack furniture"
Haven't got any carpets to clean or
furniture to pack"
'sWant your lawn mowed?'
'sNow, see here" said the man who
was carrying the satchel, turning fercely
on the young man who had stood on the
corner, sawhat in blazes are you follow
ing me along like this for? Quit it, or
I'll call policeman"
ssWell," replied the young man, ST was
only trying to impress on you the fact
that am willing to work before 1 asked
you for few cents to get nights lodg-
ing"
he got Q artegl-Rufalo Express
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
NOT EVEN BILLY EDWARDS
Gould Get Passes fer Delegates From the
Railroads.

OouAo Get Passes fer Delegates From the
Railroads.
Inc political delegates OF various
IalLns who wish to attend any of the
state political conventions at Topeka
VIII have to pay the cheap open rate
granted by the railroads for the occasion
or walk. The Santa Fe has taken the
Dull by the horns and announced through
those high in authority that political
passes will be granted this year, not even
to Republicans
The first intimation of this occurred
when Billy Edwards went to George t.
Nlcnolson's Office to get transportation
Tor himself and party of delegates. He
was refused tenderly, but firmly. The
santa Fe is not alone in the ruling, but
on the contrary, it is expected that all
the other roads running into Topeka
Will adhere strictly to the same rule.
This is because times are distressingly
hard and its results are keenly felt by
the railroads. 1t is intend ed to bring
the passenger receipts up by less free
dom IN the distribution of free tickets.
This was not agreed upon at any passen-
ger meeting as has been stated, but by
independent action on the part of the
different roads.
1t IS said to be surprising the number
OF politicians who have suddenly discov-
cred some connection with newspapers
and writing to Mr.. Simpson for editorial
tickets
They appear to be part owners or as
soclate editors of a crop of little sheets
that have sprung up for the occasion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
FACTS FROM ABROAD.
The March Of Advanced Science
Throughout the World.
AND ITS VALUE TO US.
A Declaration Made by the Great
Doctor EOthergiIl for the Benefit
OF the People of the World
Has Aroused Much
Attention.

LONDON, ENG April 30.-The following
statement, made by the late DIR. j. Miner
Fothergill, the eminent scientist, who
was physician for the London Hospital
for diseases of the chest. has made quite
a sensation. Aftes denouncing oils and
similar substances when used as food, he
said: "Fatty, oily foods cannot be taken
by those whose stomachs are weak or
whose digestive organs are out of order
What food should such people have? l
say they need food which acts as a
strengthened and sustainer, as fuel to
feed the lamp of life, and that is starch
food. A soluble starch food which will
be readily assimilated by the digestive
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
German EvangelIcaIs.

A German evangelical conference will
be held here, beginning tomorrow at the
German Evangelical church, at which
twenty-six pastors from Colorado and
Kansas will be present; also twenty one
delegates, one from each congregation.
The services will begin at 10 a. m. to-
morrow. with Rev. L. Kleemann of Kan
sas City. officiating. The conference
will last until next Monday, and on Sun
day there will be three services. morn
ing, 3 p. m. and evening. All Germans
are invited to these meetings.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
VISITING LADIES.
Members of Firemen's Auxiliary In To-
peka at a State Meeting

Members of Firemen's Auxiliary In To-
pska at a State Meeting
The state meeting of the ladies' auxil-
larry of the Brotherhood of Locomotive
Firemen, which has been in session since
Monday at B. of L. E. hall, finished its
business yesterday afternoon. The meet
ing was TO consider the feasibility of
some minor changes in the ritual and by
laws to lay before the national conven-
ton which will meet at Harrisburg, Pa,
at the same time in September that the
firemen do. There are about thirty
lodges of the auxiliary in the United
States, three of them being in Kansas IS
follows: Arkansas City, with 10 mem
bers; Chanute, %, and Topeka 81; max
ing total state membership of SO.
Of the Topeka lodge Mrs. Lolita Webb
is president, Mrs. Cora Barnes is secre-
tary, and Mrs. Laura VerIin is treasurer
There were eight ladies present at the
meeting yesterday from Arkansas City,
as follows: Mesdames Kiser, Jacobs,
Hawkins, Gibbs, Rowland and Frey, and
Misses Downing and Ballou. Ten came
from Chanute, and they were: Mesdames
Heneman, Keathley, Morgan, Brill, Nc
Naute. Courtney, Jones, Blake, jackson
and Westling.
After the meeting yesterday the ladies
were taken to visit the state insane asy-
lum, and in the evening were enter
tanned at party at the home of d. Lane,
400 Elm street. The visitors will leave
for their homes this afternoon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
s s4E x
GROCERY

When you pay cash
for your goods, get all
you can for your money.
That's the way we DO
and we've made a sue
cess of business.
We claim to own our
goods cheaper than 9TH
ers and are satisfied with
smaller margins.
Goods always sold just
as advertised. Weights,
measure and quality
guaranteed
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
JOHN ]. INGALLS,.
Suit to Recover So 900 Filed In the
United States Circuit Court.

Suit TO HocOver %, 600 Filed In the
United States Circuit Court
A transcript of the suit for So, $50. 80
against John J. Ingalls, and others was
filed in the United States circuit court
today. This is a suit growing out of the
failure of Kansas Trust and Banking
company, and was originally filed in the
district court of Atchison county, the
particulars having been published at the
time.
Cornelius B. Cosgrove is the plaintiff
and the suit is brought to recover the
amount of debenture bond. The claim
is made that the officers of the company
misrepresented the security.
Mr.. Ingalls, stated some time ago that
he had no connection with or knowledge
Of the transactions of the company.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
= Biz ra.lure and Its Results.

Banker discovering burglar in the
act of opening his safe)-HOld onI What
are you doing there?
Burglar-Don't make such a row, old
man. I only wanted to see if my deposit
was here all right. Nobody can trust
his banker -Sonntagsblatt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
OFFICERS SCHOOL.
Kansas Mi1itiamen VIII Receive Military
Instructions at Lsavenworth.

Adjutant General Davis has issued
general order No. 30. which gives in
formation about the officers school of the
Kansas National guard, which will be
held at Leavenworth in September. The
in infantry drill regulations.
"Oficers will be provided meals at the
officers club and the post mess and
will be allowed fifty cents per meal while
going to and returning from Leavenworth
by the nearest practicable route.
"Officers will wear the regulation fati-
que uniform with side arms and provide
themselves with a Springfield rifle and
with the necessary blankets and tents. =
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
Had studied His Tastes.

Miss Brightlie- Mr.. Search, there's
a young lady here tonight 1 know you
will like.
Mr. Search feel extremely hattered
to find that you have made such a close
study of my tastes. Please describe her.
Miss Brightlie-Shes worth million.
New York Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
TELLS a FUNNY STORY.

How a Passenger Who Had Lost His
Ticket Hid Under the Seat.
G. f. Stone, of Newton, tells this story:
81 saw a most ridiculous joke played
on man between Usage City and To-
peka last week. Two men boarded the
train at Usage City, and took a seat in
the smoker, just in front of me- 1t was
evident from their conversation, which
was carried on in quite loud tone, that
they were, both of them. in hard luck,
and were going to Topeka in search of
employment. One of them placed his
ticket on the seat while he lit very in
ferior cigar, and his companion quietly
picked it up and put it in his pocket. A
few minutes later the man missed his
ticket, and went thro ugh the usual pan
tomime of turning out all his pockets
and looking in his hat lining. Knowing
the conductor would be round in a mo-
ment, and also that he had not enough
money in his pocket to pay his fare
again, he began asking the advice of his
friend, who suggested gravely that he
crawl under the seat and try to escape
notice that way. There seemed no
other alternative for the unfortunate
man, who cramped himself under the
seat as suggested. When the conductor
came along the practical joker handed
him two tickets, and was of course asked
who the second one was for. He replied
that it was for a friend, who preferred
riding under the seat, whereupon the
victim of the joke crawled out, and
amidst general laughter knocked the
dust off his clothes. and promised to break
in his friends head on the first oppOr-
tunity."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23

''Do you think, DOCTOR" asked Cholly
Thistletop anxiously, 1.-The symptoms in
dictate softening Of the bwainf''
mot at all, sir" replied the physician
decidedly. Not at all. There are no
indications of brain disorder. The trou-
bic lies at the upper end of the spinal
cord. Let me see your tongue. "-Chica-
go Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
Twas the Throb of the Machinery.

Harold" she murmured as her head
pressed against his stalwart bosom
''Haro1d, do 1 not hear the beating of
your fond hearth
Mot exactly" said Harold, blushing
slightly. 81 didn't mean to tell you, but
you see I'm temporarily obliged to carry
one of those So watches. Chicago Rec
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23

Dimpleton-What's become of that
parrot you had?
Won Blumer-I took him out in the
back yard the other day and quietly
wrung his neck.
Dimpleton-Whatd did you do that FORT
Won Blumer-He got SO he talked just
like my Mife.=New Y ork World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
A LABOR CONGRESS-

Ts Be Held in Washington, d. c., on
June 20.
There is to be a National Labor con-
gress at Washington June 20. Governor
Lewelling has been notified of the meet
ing by the provisional committee at In
dianapolis, Indiana.
The congress is called to secure lecis-
lation that will give employment to idle
men, but what measures will be urged
is not stated in the call. An invitation
is extended to all industrial and reform
organizations TO send representatives.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23

Let Us remind you that now is the time
to take De Wits Sarsaparilla, it will do
you good 1t recommends itself ]. &.
Jones'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23

Cholly (sulkily)-I suppose you'd ac-
cuse me of-aw-falsehood if should
tell you had an ideah?
Miss Caustique (genia1ly)-Not at all
Only of plagiarism.-Ch Chicago Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23

The first thing that greets the Santa
Fee passenger on his arrival in Topeka is
a big sigma relic of the past-on the
side of hotel: Slime Wines and
Liquors" Hadn't it better be oblitera-
tedf
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1894-05-23
PROPOSALS.

Sealed proposals will be received at the
National Hotel, Topeka, Kansas, June
Goth, 1894, at 9 o'clock a. M, at which
time the bids will be opened for furnish
ing the insane asylums at Topeka and
Osawatomie, the institutions for the
blind at Kansas City, Kas., and deaf and
dumb at Olathe and the idiotic at Win
field, the reform school at Topeka, the
soldiers orphans home at Atchison, and
the industrial school at Beloit, with dry
goods, groceries, drugs and miscellaneous
supplies.
Separate bids will be received for dry
goods. groceries, drugs, meats, butter, etc.
The board of trustees reserve the right
to reject any and all bids or to accept or
reject any parts thereof.
deposit of $50 certified check
for that amount must accompany each
proposal payable TO w. ). Wait, treas
urer of state charitable institutions, as
guarantee that the contract if awarded
will be faithfully complied with. Circu-
lars containing full information for bid
ders as to kind quality and quantity of
dates of payment, and other details,
be had by addressing any of the state
charitable institutions.
BY order of the board of trustees.
Nj. A. HOUSEHOLDER, President.
N. NJ. HINsHAw, Secretary.
Topeka Kas., May 18th, 1894.
Try Stansfeld's soda water.
sour New Delight" and all DangIer
stoves at Ii. NJ. Chimes.
Ice cream soda at Stansfield's drug
store.