The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1894-05-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A close friend-The one who never
lends you anything. .-Philadelphia
Record.
Are the members of college PiEta
society particularly partial to pastryI
Lowell Courier.
Generally man can get into FASH
ionable society with golden wedge.
New York Journal.
Woman's sleeves must he hot-tem-
pered, rs they are nearly always rufled
up.-Florida Times.
JONES' What does he doP" Brown
-'Do?" Why, he does c 'erybody."
Florida Times Union.
As much hate can sometimes be put
into word as can be fred out of o
musket. RAMS Horn.
A genuine sign in a Market street
restaurant, Philadelphia: ''Six o'clock
dinner here from 5. 80 to 80. Life.
The fellow who tells all lie knows
wouldn't be half SO insufferable if he
knows all he tells. s.-Phiadelpaia Rec
ord.
1t is an indisputable fact that every
man who wears his watch In his vest
pocket is behind time. Philadelphia
Record.
Nedders-"What's a bon mot?"
Notwithstanding you always think
of after it's too late to say it."-Chi-
cago Record.
If you have nothing else to do see
how rapidly you can say ''soup
soothes theosophists thoroughly
Texas Siftings
The Benefits: "What makes some
girls look young so long?" ''The men
are to blame. They won't propose"
--Life's Calendar.
A Aman denies himself pleasures when
he is young that he may have money
old. --Atchison Globe.
1t is mistake to suppose that wo-
men ever marry for money; some
times, however, they marry for the
want of it. Boston Transcript.
Sime-'Your father was in old
whaler, wasn't he, Jimmie?" Jimmie
Yes; but near as ] can remember
ma did her share of it Boston
Courier.
my wife is very sick, Doctor SIS
she suffering muchY ''SufferingJ
Well, should say so. Why, she had
such bad cold she can't talk. -
Spare Moments.
''How is it that Lightop takes SO
much interest in all that Nupop's baby
tries to say?" "Oh, he's writing
dialect story and depends on the baby
for ideas. Inter Ocean.
Stuyvesant-"H "Half the world never
knows how the other half lives"
Madison-"That's what comes of liv-
ing in flats without an air shaft. -
Browning, King 4 Co.'s Monthly.
Affable Swell-"Well, the fact is,
my name is not Smithson. You see,
1 am travelling incog. There's my
card" Fellow Passe1Ab-"Glad to
hear it, I'm traysA in pickles.
Here's mine. "-Bp< n Life,
boy of your size%5dld take the taeks
out of this carpet if he wanted top
Small Son-"I guess 50. Shall take
my sled and go out and see if can
find one who wants to?"-Good News.
Lady-"You say you are musician.
Well, I'll give you a little practice.
just go over to the woodshed and
tackle few chords. Tramp-'Ex-
cuse me, madam, l am tenor and
fear those chords are too heavy fos
me. "-Philadelphia Record.
'I wish some missionaries didn't
vary SO much, said King Kannabile,
as he swallowed his portion of the roast.
81 wish so, too, said Queen Kansa.
bile, "but there are so many brands of
Presbyterians these days it's hard to
tell what to order. Harlem Life.
Man of Fashion (reading n newspa-
per that a village schoolmaster has
shot himself because he could not pay
q debt of fifty marks)-"R Ridiculous
Why, if | were to shoot myself for
every fifty marks that l owe | should
be kept at it all the year round l"--
Fliegende Blaetter.
Mrs. Honeymoon Ito brid groom, in
railway train) n)-"Do You love me?"
Old Party (confdentially ION tho
other seat to the bridegroom "She's
asked you that foEty seven tines al
ready. get out here, but I'll leav.
the score with this gentleman by the
window. Tit Bits.
1t Worked Both Ways: She
''Does the fact that [ have money
make any difference to you, deares,
He-"Of course it does, my own. It
is such IL comfort 10 know that # l
should die you would beproviaed for. "
She -"But suppose 1 shopld dleg'
He-"fhen | would be provided for, "
| .-Iafe's Calendar.