The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1894-05-24
CHANGING HIS MIND.


the Grave.
Mr. Quaggles declared be- FELT extremely
ill lie didn't know what was the matter
with him. but he graphically said that he
was at death door and could hear the han
die being turned the other side 10 give him
admitance Mr. Quaggles wouldn't see
doctor lie had peculiar aversion 20 doc
tors, especiallyto 10 their bills. Some people
were unkind enough To say that Mr.. Quag.
giles put on his fitness.
One day Mrs. Quaggles found little
pamphlet which had been thrust under the
front door that had been issued by "A firm
Of patent medicine veuders, wherein the
symptoms Of various ailments were mi
nutely described Afterperusing IL she took
1t to her husband and said:
Thomas you can find out what Is the
matter with you by reading this little
book"
Reading that" exclaimed Mr.. Quag.
giles contemptuously. why, my symp-
toms wouldn't 20 In a few pages like that.
IL would take three volumes to describe
'em. However" he added, you can read
some symptoms TO me, Jemima. ! don't
feel equal to doing IL myself" and he leaned
back in his armchair, signing heavily My
gracious, do feel badr' he moaued
SO Mrs. Quaggles began:
"'Pain in back and under shoulder blades;
frequent headaches. principally over eyes 4"
That's me-" groaned Mr. Quaggles.
Yes, that's you, Thomas, asseuted Mrs
Quaggles and went on, Depressed and
languid feeling; burning Of theepalms OF
the hands and soles Of the feet >"
Me again. You could cook steak on
mine" declared Mr.. Quaggles.
diversion to physical exercise That's
you, Thomas, declared his wife. You're
frightfully lazy"
mo, no, Jemima; that 5 not me-" dissent
ed the invalid I'm not a bit lazy, only
my poor, feeble body won't let me take any
exercise. Coon, Jemima Your voice puts
me in mind of the Dead March In Saul"
Unpleasant Dreams continued Mrs.
Quaggles.
'Ratherl Why, have such awful dreams
that believe they lift some OF the hair off
my head every night. That's why Pm get
ting 30 bald" he said mournfully. "Oh,
dearl OH dearl" And Mr.. Quaggles sud.
denly started out Of his chair and grasped
the top of his head.
"Whatever's the matter, Thomas" asked
his wife alarmedly
why, had a pain shoot right up from
my big toe to the top Of my head"
Good gracious, what a long paint ex-
claimed Mrs. Quaggles YOU'RE over six
feet, you know, Thomasr'
Yes, and it amt finished yet. II keeps
coiling round and round my head, groan-
ed Mr.. Quaggies. Doesn't it give that
symptom, Jemima"
mo ! can't find anything about the sea
serpent" giggled Mrs. Quaggles. That's
what you must have inside you"
"Jemima," said her husband reproach-
4. ~. a.. 4 l.
when here am with one foot In the grave
and the other one slipping down the side of
it, What do all these terrible symptoms
point tor Is my heart going to drop to
pieces, are my lungs going to burst, or
WHAT"
Liver, Thomas! It's your liver that 5
wrong, so far as | can make out"
"Ah, | thought sol That's why | can't
eat. There's no room for food in me. The
space is all occupied by my liver II hhs,
80 TO say, taken the whole house instead Of
living in one apartment, AS it ought TO do.
| tell you, Jemima, I've got enough liver to
90 with a side of bacon, and then there
would be some left to eat cold alone I'm
doomed, dear. III make my will at once,
though it is but little have to leave. You
had better go round to the undertaken and
get an estimate for "A funeral-a plain one,
you know--and"-
There was a tap at the door, and the sery-
ant entered with "a letter for her master
Mr.. Quaggles took it languidly, but had
only read few words when he jumped up
and began to execute war dance
What's the matter, Thomasi Is il that
long pain againf' anxiously inquired Mrs.
Quaggles.
mo. moi What do you thinkf Poor old
Uncle james isdead and has left me G5 ,OOOr'
You don't mean To say soi How good
of him TO die-l mean to leave you - 600!
But, Thomas, what pity it has arrived too
latel"
Arrived too late What do you mean,
Jemimaf"
why, amt you just going to die, Thorn
ass"
II don't know that am. can change
my mind II like, can't Iin asked Mr.. Quag-
giles somewhat Indignantly.
But how can you possible live with that
awful liver of yoursY" persisted his wife
Liver be hanged!' exclaimed Mr.. Qnag-
giles. "lf "a, 600 won't cure it, it isn't worthy
TO be called a liver tell you, Jemima,
Pm-f5, ,0O0-going to-fancy, g50OO-get
well right awayl Whoopl Five thousand
poundsl"
And strange to say-or perhaps not strange
to say-Mr. Quaggles recovered with mar
velous rapidity. Heis now one Of the health
lest and happiest men in the United King
dom. Even that "long pain" has gonel-
TitBits.