davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11

From Letter of z. B.
Vance in the Char
lOtte Observer,
July 20, 1893.

IN opposing the re-
peal of the Sherman
law without some sub
stitute preserving the
use and coinage of sill
yer, l am squarely With
the party, and those
who favor u~ncOndition-
al repeal are not with
it, but are violating its
solemn pledges.
7 b prOfessed friend
of silver who will favor
the unconditional re-
peal of the Sherman
law, trusting to the JUS
tice of capital or the
chapter of accidents to
get favorable legisla-
. ton thereafter, is eth
er a traitor or a fool"
z. B. VANCE
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11

The man who has never been outside
of his " county is the man who
bowls loudest about the necessity Of
money (which is good in foreign coun-
tries. nzChicaqo Sentinel.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11
CUMBERLAND COUNTY CoNvEN-
TON.
Major Guthrie Makes a Powerful Speech
to a Good Crowd.

Major Guthrie Makes a Powerful Speech
to a Good Crowd.
Correspondence of the Progressive Farmer.
The Peoples party of Cumberland
county met in convention in Fayette-
Vile on September Sd. 1t was a large
and enthusiastic meeting, composed
of the best men of our county. A full
legislative and county ticket was nomi-
mated, composed of men of unimpeach-
able integrity, who stand square in the
middle of the road, with both feet on
the Populist platform; and who cannot
be persuaded, bought or intimidated,
and men who will bear our banner to
sure victory.
Mai. w. A. Guthrie was present and
entertained the convention for two and
a half hours. He made a very forcible
and eloquent appeal to the people to
support the Peoples party, showing up
the failures of the two old parties to do
their duty in the past, and very clear
" demonstrating that a continuation
of misrule might be expected from
them in the future if they were allowed
to continue in office.
Old Cumberland will do her duty IN
November. II, L. King.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11

The socialism which is Immediately
in sight-namely, that which compre,
bends State ownership of railroads,
canals, telegraph and telephone lines;
electric and gas lighting plants, and
other natural monopolies-is socialism
against the triumph of which only the
parties mercenarily interested in the
maintenance of the old order would be
arraved.-ChGcGgO Times.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11
THE FRIEND.

NonmgLica ed
As all three parties in this State are
now committed to the free coinage of
silver, or an increase of the currency, /
ask them to look on this picture and
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11

Fron,
On an The News and
yySSS>svTE Of Sept. I'd,
"
w.
Ne s-ED IN RAN
SON.
t.,.. 4'rz feels kindly
.l|a'r. our Senator
ef Lo W MS him re-
|el-sa.
>tpegi.r Car Eo-e o,5
ter.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11
ADVERTISERS, READ THIS.

RALEIGH, N. c., July 10, 1892.
Mr.. j. ". DenmGrk, Business Manager
Progressive Farmer:
DEAR SIR:-We recently run for a
short time an advertisement in THE
PROGRESSIVE FARMER, and we run at the
same time the same advertisement In
four other leading papers in the State,
and we write to say that we received
ten replies from the one in your paper
to every one received from 1.-THE other
papers combined.
Yours truly,
EDWARDS 6 BRoUGHTON.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11
THE FIRST NEW A

The first load of New Tobacco Of the crop Of
1894, sold in Henderson, was put upon the floor
KINS & CO., on July 25th. 1t was grow by
John r. Reayis, and brought a good prize. In
fact, the prices paid by this firm are always the
brst. And, because their Oh ARGES for selling
are much lower than than those of other Ware
HOUSES, it PAYS to sell with them every time.
Twelve months ago their firm succeeded the Al
lance Warehouse Company and adopted their
Co, "Best P~rices-Lowest Charges entities
them to a large patronage. Farmers, look to
your interests and sell your Tobacco where you
win get the most NET MONEY. Q4S8)
WANTED.-A position, at once, as a teacher,
by a young man. Will teach BOOK keeping,
Shorthand. T~ype-writing, or English. Grad
uate of ) n. College. Reference given as to
well, Wash. Co, n. c., P. o. Box A) d45D
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11
MAJ. VIM. A. GUTHRIEs APPOINT
MsNTS.
W. M. KIvRTT,
Chm'n Dist. Elk. Com.

Maj VIM. A. Guthrie will speak in
the interest of the Peoples party at
the following times and places: =
Elizabeth City, Tuesday, Sept. 11th
Gatesville, Wed'day, 18Th
Winton, Thursday, 18th
Halifax, Friday, " 18th
Northampton Co., SATURDAY, 18th
Speaking each day at IL o'clock ex-
cept at Tarboro where it will begin at
2 o'clock.
MARION BUTLER, Ch'mn.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11
WHAT OUR ADVERTISERS SAY

OFFICE OF
BARNES BROS,
Electric Power Job Printers,
Raleigh, N. O., July %, 1898.
Mr.. Denmark, Business Manager:
The PROGRESSIVE FARMER is an adj
vertising medium. Besides answers
received from North Carolina, we have
received them from Mississippi, New
Hampshire and PENNSYLVANIA, and our
advertisement was only inserted three
times. BARNES Bros.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11
SOUTHERN 60.
and DanvilIe and North Caro-
lima Divisions.
In Effect May 18th, 1894.

AZ 140Cb may 1OGQp 16S4,
TRAINS LEAVE RALEIGH, N. c.:
5;45 Daily for Durham. Oxford, HendePs
a M son, BuTTaiio LdthIs Springs, Greens
North Carolina points; Charlotte,
and all Florida points; Atlanta, Bir-
p s;MS N. ml69g si Datnt 9es% 0PPfb an Se go1 95lss2s
Daily. Danyille, Richmond, Lynchburg,
Washington and all points North.
Greensboro on train leaving at $40
LOS FOR Selma, Goldsboro, Fayetteville,
Daily. Berne and all points In Eastern
North Carolina.
RAIL- For Selma. Goldsboro, Wilson, Tar
Exce1t boro and all Eastern Carolina points
TRAINS ARRIVE AT RALEIGH:
7:SQ
Daily.
la6 From Greensboro and all points
Daily. N'i'n anu 'ou'n'
4:05
(Daiiy.
$50 From Goldsboro.
p. NJ.
eX. Sun.
PASSENGERS LEAVING RALEIGH AT 5:45
am. make close connection at Green's
also for III Western North Caroline
points, arriving in ASbeVille AGO ID,
M, and Charlotte ll:25 a. m. Double
daily trains between Raleigh, Char
E. BERKLEY, w. A. TURK,
Superintendent, Gen1 Pass. Agt.
S. H. HARDWICK, Asst General Pass. Agent,
W. H. GREEN, SOL HAAS,
Genl Manager, Traffic Manager,
washington IL. L. washington d.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11

Watch the label on yOUr paper and
reneW IUben yOOT subscription eapiTes.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1894-09-11

W. 81. WORTH, S. B. A
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

MEMPHIS. Nov. 2l.-Henry Fitzgerald,
clerk in the store Of 4. NJ Suddoth at
Friar's Point, Miss was shot and killed
by two burglars, who escaped in a canoe
in waiting down the river. Tho crime
created great Indignation, and the citi-
zens Of Friar's Point chartered steam
boat and gave chase. The robbers were
overtaken 40 miles below Friar's Point,
and pitched battle ensued. One Of the
bandits was killed instantly, and the
other escaped to the Arkansas shore, where
he is being pursued with bloodhounds.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
IS OLD AGE PITIABLE +?
Not While Vigor and zest in
Living Lasts.
Bismarck, Gladstone and Holmes
Full Of Years and Honor.
They Keep Their Blood Well stocked-
Their Nerves Well Fed.


Some people carefully disguise the
fact. But coat of paint on an old
building only n axes it look smart it
doesn't keep the rickety old staircases
from creaking nor make the framework
stronger.
What Is needed is fresh bricks aud
mortar.
Fresh blood sud new tissues are the
building materials that tired human
bodies need, Paine's celery compound
supplies all the elements for building up
the wornout, exhausted nerves and
tissues
One is never older than he feels.
Many are young at 20, and the world is
full Of men and women who are old in
heart and spirits at 30
Nothing ages one like illness.
To keep young. keep well; keep the
nerves calm, the blood rudy, the
81 stem well fed. And when the sudden
attack OF fever or the heavy cold comes
the sturdy, because well-nourished
body will resist and prevent calsmitous
results.
All over the country there are hard
worked business men, and men in public
Offices, subjected to incessant criticism
and fearful nervous strain, who appre-
ciate the saving power of Professor
Phelps's remarkable discovery, Paine's
celery compound In the thousands of
cases where overweight brains have at
last refused the sleep that they SO vitality
needed, this great modern nerve nutri-
ment has brought the happiest results
Multitudes of women reduced In strength.
half sick and on the road to becoming
life long invalids, have sent in heartfelt
stories of their rapid gain in vigor after
trial of Paine's celery compound.
ut takes years of Their aching shout
ders
AS the years go on, the regular tick.
tick OF tho heart and rhythmic action of
the digestive organs and the brain slow
up and the sire 9Th must be economical.
The important organs need more fire.
| quent assistance and encouragement
paines celery compound gives just the
needed stimulus to digestion and assimi
lation that the system requires II
! purihes the slowly moving blood of any
bad humor that it's stagnant flow Is apt
to engender, and thus removes rheuma-
tism, neuralgia, heart palpitation
nervous weakness. sleeplessness anc
troubles with kidneys, liver and stomach
1t was favorite remark OF the famou.
DR. LParr when 106 years old, that h,
| had always taken care to keep his bod,
well nourished. Pure blood and healthy
activity of the nervous system makes
happy, hopeful, useful old age. PAiae
celery compound makes people we'll.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
HIR8cHFIELD DIVORCE SUIT


FARGO, n. d., Nov. 2L-Boyond the
opening statements of attorneys for the
plaintiff outlining tho evidence they pro-
posed to introduce, tho llirschheld al
voroo case lacked sensational features.
Tho defendant Mrs Hlrschileld, appear
cd in court Tor the first time. She appears
disappointed at the nonnppearnnco of
Bourke Cochran OF New York who could
not be secured by tho plaintiff owing to
other engagements.
Counsel for tho plaintiff said that they
would prove that the defendant was an
adventures, that she pursued Hirsohileld
with her wiles when tho latter was weak
mentally because of overwork IN business
affairs The latter finally succumhed
and an Illicit relation was entered into
Thon she clamorad for marriage Hirsch-
fold refused 40 first but on several coca.
sions his life was threatened by agents
Of Miss Hogan, who urged him to marry
her or pay the penalty The young Indy
herself threatened 70 kin him III he did
not marry her His mind was too weak
TO repel these threats and he was forced
70 yield.
In their answer defondnnts deny each
and every allegation Of the plaintiff adj
uniting only the fact Of marriage They
will enaeavor TO prove her good character
before marriage and that happy union
was sundered through a conspiracy Of Mr..
and Mrs. J.. II. Hirsohaeld. brother and
sister in law OF the plaintiff for family
reasons. They will produce letters and
kilograms from Hirschaold to Miss Hogan
to prove the falsity OF the plaintiff allie
CATION that he was pursued by the young
lady against his will.
After the opening statements Of ooun.
sci tho balance Of the afternoon was dc.
voted to reading dispositions introduo
cd to prove the mental alteration Of tn,
plaintiff from the time when he first met
the defendant until a short time after his
marriage The dispositions were thos,
Of tho employees Of tho Merchants Ma
tional bank Of Helena, of which Hirsch
field was cashier
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
AT THE STATE CAPITAL.
Governor Reynolds Visited by Governor
Elect sIarviI-Oniee Seekers on Hand.

Governor Reynolds Visited by Governor
Elect aIarvil-O nics Seekers on Hand.
special Correspondence Evening journal.
DOVER, Nov 81 Governor elect
Joshua II. Marvil, Of Laurel, made a
flying visit to our town yesterday He
arrived on the 8 45 o'clock train and re-
turned at 1922 He called on Governor
Reynolds at his Office IN ths state house,
who greeted him in his accustomed
friendly manner AMI showed hin
through the various departments OF the
state honse and county building. The
governor elect then found his way to
che Office on the green OF Hon
Nathaniel i Smithera, where he re-
NAMED until the arrival OF the train
From al appearances the governor cleo /
WAS desirous Of keeping ont of the way
Of the hungry office seekers, who cal. +,
throng our town II is reported that
Mr. Smithers will be the next
secretary OF state Horace Gresley
Knowles Is also spoken az for the Office
but Mr.. Marvil Is quoted as saying that
Mr. Smithers could have the Office If he
would accept. Great preparations will
be made for the Inauguration
A large delegation Of leading Demo
Gratis OF New Castle county waited on
Governor Reynolds. yesterday in his
office at the state house, IN the interest
OF John Lockerman, candidate for the
office cf sealer OF weights and measure
OF New Castle county. They received
very little consolation from the governor,
though their petition was readily re
ceived and their arguments gladly
heard Purnal j. Lynch is 1
candidate for the same office and Is likel,
to receive the appointment Mr.. Lynch
ran for sheriff Of New Castle county but
was defeated
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
parsnnal Exnnin

Misses Henrietta Stevens Lucy Watts,
Tabitba Watts and Nellie 6oert, OF Will
mingtou, were the guests Of friends here
last evening.
New frame house on Sixth street to rent
George Hewlett.
Dr.. J II. Simms, Jr, Of Wilmington,
was here last night, guest Of Frank
Meredith.
Miss Florence Borie, Of Baltimore, Ii
visiting in the city as the guest of Miss
Lolita Borie.
Tho popular entertainments at the co opera.
tive fair IN the Opera House, will begin to.
MORROW NIGHT.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
Incidents Of the pay.

IN the rainy weather Of this afternoon
there was large attendance az the
funeral OF ex-City Clerk James L Rice
Interment was made ar the old burying
ground near HaIes Corner known as
Bethel Baptist Cemetery.
Landers a Sons have stocked the Opera
House fair with beautiful chrysanthemums
which Will be disposed Of az "A greatly reduced
price.
Local National Guardsmen are hus.
Ting to- day to get Ia shape for the
annual inspection to night by the Della
ware regimentai officers Captain Phil
lips is also hard at work on his report OF
state property on hand aud the condition
II Is In.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

LowvILLE, n. Y, Nov 21.-O. G..
Thayor & Brother Of Utica and Buffalo
after a thorough investigation. have do.
cided that petroleum oil exists in large
quantities in the town Of Greig. g miles
southeast OF Lowviile. and they win en-
gage in the oil business there on an ex.
tensive scale.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

WASHINGTON, Nov. s1.-The Chinese
minister and Nine. Yang Yu gave their
first dinner party since coming to Wash
ington last night Every effort was made
TO have the entertainment conform as
nearly as possible 70 the customs Of this
country both in the matter Of the decora-
tions and the serving Of the various
rnurses
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

were not only Democrats but several
were there who had been ardent sup
porters OF Mr. Carmichael lAmong those
from distance were: Harry Whiteman
and Professor Benjamin Groves, Of
kismensi; Harry Casino, John S Springer.
Newark; John Taylor, Christians; ex.
Sheriff William Simmons, ex Deputy
Sheriff Charles H. Simmons, ex-Sheriff
Pierce Gould, ex-Deputy Sheriff Joseph
Il Gould, Jr, and others, Wilmington /;
3. B. Longlsnd, Philadelphia. There
were many farmers present from ogle-
ton, the sheriff former home
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

oAXACA. Mexico, Nov 2l.-The situa.
tion on the Guatemalan and Mexican
borders is very threatening, and it is be-
lieved that the Guatemalan troops are
preparing to make an aggressive move
ment against Mexico within the next few
days, as tho different regiments are be-
ing drawn together.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
Grand jury DISCUSSES Corbett.

NEWARK. n. j.. Nov. 81 Champion
James J. Corbett was the subject of in
vestigation by tho grand jury An in
quiry was made into the particulars Of
the recent Corbett- Courtney go before
the kaleidoscope at Edison's laboratory in
West Orange No action has as yet been
fnlrou
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
roo oold Oh ths Roaa for syheelmsn.

The parade of bicyclists last night was
much smaller than was expected because
Of the frosty weather, and score Of the
wheelmen were belated on the road from
Wilmington. There were about City
decorated bicycles in line, however, and
the City Cornet Band played good music
for their riders In the parade through the
principal streets The headquarters Of
the bicycllsts was the X OF P. Hall, aud
after the procession dismissed the wheel :
men were entertained at the Opera
House fair by the Columbia Athletic Club
A number Of Wilmington friends accom-
panied the wheelmen,
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

KINGSTON, n. y, Nov. 2i-Wintor has
come in earnest along the Hudson and in
the Catskills The mercury stood at 10
degrees above zero here
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

NEW ORLEANS, Nov. ei.-Grnnd Mas
ter Sovereign was reelected without any
opposition by the knights OF Labor gen
tral assembly.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
anIIa Is ! remneranee nIan.

At the reception aud house warming
at the jail mansion last night In honor Of
the arrival OF Sheriff ellis and family
there was an official announcement that
broke an old established custom and In
augursted an entirely different things at
the sherih's residence. Some Of the guests
noticed that there was no champagne
about and began to emark about II, but
were more surprised when Sheriff Gillis
announced that this would be q cold
water administration at the prison. The
well-stocked wine closet had been lid OF
every drop and vial and preserves would
hereafter be stored Ia this "if You want
II, wink apartment. Not a drop, the
sheriff said, could come Into the building
IN the next two years.
Lemonade was the only cold drink be
side water on the inviting supper table
last night. but the guests seemed to en-
JOY themselves Notwithstanding. Sheriff
ellis subsequently said. Il am !
temperance man. l have no objection Ia
a man because he is moderate drinker,
but be cant drink his liquor on these
premises.
The residence was crowded with
friends Of the sheriff at the reception and
II was noticed that some OF them present
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

LONDON, Nov 2l.-A dispatch from
Lima says that large bands Of guerrillas
are on the outskirts Of that city The
government has sent forces to attack
them
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

LONDON, Nov 2l-The Hon. Thomas
t. Eayard, American ambassador to
Great Britain. ana Mrs. Bayard arrived
at Southampton on the Hayel and were
given a most hearty welcome By The city
ofl1cials
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
win Load with on.

The German steamer Chsrlois, Captain
Peters. feom Amsterdam, entered In this
port this morning. She is in hrllast, and
win load at Marcus Hook with oil.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
The IkoIh Movement

MONTGOMERY, Ala, Nov. Ex-senator
Morgan was nominated for re election as
senator by Joint caucus Of the Demo.
cratic members Of the Legislature. The
manifesto issued by 4. f. Ilolh fell ilat
here
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
Musical instruments at Davidow & Go.
MARRIED.

BELL-wATSON.- AT the Union parson-
age, No. 5l3 Jefferson street, on Thursday
evening, Noven Der -, by Rev. John d. q.
Hanna, John N. Bell and Miss Lillian M.
Watson, both of Wilmington. Lei,
POWELL r. CUMMINGS. At Kingswood
parsonage, November Is, 1894, by Rev II. s.
Dulany. willism II. Powell and Mary Emma
Cummings, beth of Wilmington.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

Order your coal and wood from Fl. T. Ser.
geant, Office Seventh and King. Phone
545. Hickory wood for open CRATES.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

"Jingle is running right through with his
fortune" spending it recklessly 2" Great
Scott, yes; ne's done nothing but pay oil
caRo Inter-Ocean
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

CAMPBELL.-In this city, on the 18th in
stsnt, Mrs. Fannie Campbell, formerly of
Elkton, aged 45 years.
DONNELLY.-In this city, on Thursday,
November ID. Francis Donnelty, aged 81 years.
WARRIOR November 10, 1894, Louisa b.
War;, daughter of Mrs. FANNIE K. Ruth, aged
~ Years.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
WHY
WE'RE
SELLING
CLOTHING

where to depend on getting
them. Goods and prices must
be right or you wouldn't come
back. You are better adver-
tisers than newspapers. They
are paid for it; you are not,
and you don't hesitate to tell
your friends of a good thing
when you get it or to warn
them Of tho place which sold
you a mean thing when they
should not have done it. Prices
plainly marked, qualities and
garments guaranteed to give
satisfaction. Goods exchanged
or money refunded if not salts
factory. Could we do any
more? Could we do any less
and keep up our trade and Gus
TONERS? This is fair for you
and fair for US and why we do
it and why you come.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
Price Of Cream Balm is nifty cent

Maud-"Ned proposed 10 ma last tight and
l refused him" Marie-"l know It," Maud
How did you know itYn Marie-"He told
me he mad taken the fatal leap and landed or
his feet. New York Herald.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

suffered terribly from roaring in my head
during an attack of catarrh, and because very
deaf, used Ely's cream Balm and In three
weeks could hear as well as eyer.-A. e. New
man, Grallng, Mich.
One Of my children had very bad discharge
from the nose. Physicians prescribed without
benefit. After ustog Ely's Cream Balm a
short time the disease was cured.-0. A.
Cary, Corning, n. Y.
Price Of Cream Balm Is fifty cent.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

Those cigars at 50c and 35c per box are
going fast. Durstein. No East 2ond st
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21

II you need good medicine TO purify your
blood, give nerve strength and build up your
entire system, take Hoods Sarsapariila 1t
prevents sickness by making pure blood
Hood's Pills cure nausea, sich headache,
indigestion and biliousness. 25c.
Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1894-11-21
ITEMS or INTEREST.

The ScissoTsmAn-"Whyh have they fred the
new political editorial writer?n The Humor.
ist-" Because there wasn't any fife In him. -
New York Press.