Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1894-05-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

truth.
The rule of the minority-That of
the first baby.
"One-half the world doesn't know
how the other half lives" Neither
does the other half. Life.
He-"Here comes Mrs. Gadabout.
That woman goes everywhere. She
-"Yes, except home. "-Harper's Ba-
Ear.
Va-"Why is the leader of the choir
like pine tree?" Pa-"Givo it up"
va-"Both give the pitch. The
Hullabaloo.
Man shows his teeth and growls
but woman shows her teeth and smiles
with far better chance of attaining her
object. Puck.
Few people can stand prosperity !;
but they are legion compared with the
people who never have chance to
stand it.-Puck.
Nervous Wife--"I hear burglar. I"
Nervous Husbard-"Woo! I'll crawl
under the bed and see if he is there. !"
New York Weekly.
"Er--has young Hill come into his
money yet?" "Come into it? Great
Scott, mani He's gone clear through
it. Buffalo Courier.
There is nothing like certainty ;
and yet most people prefer the un-
certain prospect of starvation to the
certain prospect of death. Puck.
The whole system OF right and
wrong hinges on the question whether
n disagreeablo thing disagrees with
us, or we disagree with the disagree.
able thing. Puck.
Teacher "Now, remember. that in
order to become proficient vocalist
you must have patience. Miss Flip
kins-"Yes; and so must the neigh.
bors. Washington Star.
"You say you have been in Kansas
City. I suppose the place was built
almost wholly on bluffs. 81 guess it
was. There seemed to be little money
around. buffalo Courier.
Mr.. Gusher IA self-satisfed borel
81 can tell just what people are
thinking of me-" Miss Pert-"ln-
deed How very unpleasant it must
be for you. "--Brooklyn Life.
An Irish lawyer said to witness {:
''You're n nice fellow, amt You q"
Witness replied: 81 am, sir, and if [
was not on my oath I'd say the same
of you. Oakland Enquirer.
sit pains me very much to spank
you. Johnny" said his mother with
deep feeling, "and 1 shall have to turn
you over to your father. His hands
are harder. "-Chicsgo Tribune.
Elder Sister-'I'm writing to ANY:
is there anything you'd like to say to
her" Younger Sister (who hates
Amy -"Yes, plenty ; but you d better
only give her my love. Tit Bits.
Employer-''Boy, take this letter,
and wait for an answer" New Boy
"Yes. sir" Employer-"WeD, what
are you waiting for?" New Boy
"The answer, sir. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Grandpa" said Tommy, examin-
ing critically the bald head of his an
cestor, may [ ask you question ?"
Certainly, Tommy" "Do You comb
your hair with razor ?"-Texas Sift-
ings.
That's what I call hush money!"
remarked the daddy when he planked
down the cash for bottle of paregoric
to take home for use among the in.
fantile portion of the family, Brook.
lyn Life.
81 am collecting bills for Sugar,
Spice ~ Co" COLLECTING bills, are
you? Very we'll; l have two or three
of their bills which you are welcome
to add to your collection. New York
Weekly.
Mamma-"Why has Lucy gone
home so early? / thought she was to
stay all day." Mary (contidentially)-
"Well, mamma, just found she wasn't
n friend | could quarrel with. Kate
Fields Washington.
Clergyman Visiting prison)-".So
you were arrested for passing bad
money, my mani" Convict -"Not
exactly, sir You see, If the money
had passed, / wouldn't have been ar
rested. philadelphia Record.
At the Great Chess Match: DR..
Schweitzer playing chess is like
making love-the knight tries to take
the queen; you are mated by the
bishop; then of to the castle--in the
air--and, alas everything is in pawn I"
Halo.
Freddy--"Why won't you fight me
if you amt afraid to?" Willy (mov-
ing off l--"I amt afraid, only l amt
going to have all the boys in the
block sayin' 1 fought feler Just be-
cause 1 knew l could lick him. Chi
cago Record.
"What makes you look so uncom.
fortable?" said one young writer to
another. "Im thinking about what |
shall put in my next article. "Think
ing!" Yes" Good gracious, man /!