Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1894-05-18
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The camel probably thinks his hump
thing of beauty.-Puck.
Nothing succeeds like the man who
has the rewards of success to dis
tribute. Truth.
An ounce of prevention is not worth
pound of cure in the pork-packing
business.-Puck.
Some people are too good to gossip
with you because they don't trust you.
-Atchison Globe.
We never see bankrupt at the
charity soup house. That's where his
victims go.-Truth.
Mabel-"With what verses are you
the most familiar?" Poet" "Reverses''
New York World.
If some men were half az big as they
think they are the world would have
to be enlarged. Siftings.
sDown brakes!" cried the railroad
mans wife as the dinner platter slipped
from her grasp. Lowell Courier.
A little choppy weather was natur-
ally expected in a month that came in
like lamb. Philadelphia Record.
Revenge is sweet sometimes, possi-
bly,. but never when the other fellow
gets in his work on you.-Somerville
Journal. -"
A teakettle can sing when it is
merely filed with water. But. man,
proud man, is no teakettle. Texas
Siftings. -
Though his is largely robust sort
of life, the average dairyman is pretty
much of milk-and-water chap.
falo Courier. .
Little Girl looking at impression
istic landscape) -''Mamma, what made
him think it looked liked that?"-
Harlem Life. t,
''Her hair is just too sweet for any
thing" All, indeed Perhaps she
dresses it with honey comb.-New
York Mercury.
'Do you think Officer McGobb is
square?" t'Surely, he must be; he is
never round when wanted. Indian.
apolis Journal.
She-"And what have you been
studying since you left college, law or
medicine?" He-''Neither economy"
New York Ledger.
Teacher "What have the various
expeditions to the North Pole accom-
plished?" Dull Boy-"Made geogra.
ply lessons harder
Mrs Captain Smith ssAnd youfhink
any soldier can be fearless?" Colonel
Stoton- eyes; all he has to do is to
keep out O. danjah, nam -
In silence the family are sitting,
Each keeping as still as mouse,
AS they ponder the annual question,
sit it better to move, or clean house?"
New York Mercury.
ssMan's fool" He walks out on
the lawn and orders the billy goat of
his premises, follows mule and argues
with his motherin-law. Galveston
News. So"
telephone girl receives calls. but
she doesn't pay them. This part OF
the business is attended by those hir-
ing the instrument. -Philadelphia
Times.
We have great respect for the wis.,
dom of the ancients. They were born
in time to say all their smart things
before we had chance to think OF
EN- Puck. ~'s
The Wife-"John, these carpets
must be beat" The Husband-"Why,
my dear,s when 1 bought them. the
dealer told me they couldn't be beat. !"
New York Press.
1t is only guileless boyhood that
vows he "will never do it again" Even
when caught in the act, the full grown
man of sound mind tries to prove that
he didn't do it at all.-Puck.
Wits" There goes woman whose
successes have turned many another
woman's head" Watte-'That's
queer. What is her line?" Wits
millinery. Buffalo Courier.
81 hear your son has become an ac-
tor; how is he getting on?" every
we'll, indeed. He began as q corpse,
and now he has already advanced to
the role of ghost "-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
Fair visitor-'T should like to see
the editor of the woman's page" Of
flee Boy-"Dere he is over dere; de
fat man in his shirt sleeves, wit de
clay pipe in his mout. Brooklyn
Eagle.
Old Physician-''Now, in case like
this, where the patient is inclined to
hysteria, would you look at her tongue
Or" Young gStudent-''No; would
listen to it, 1 think. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
"When Bill Walker went to the
Leadville silver mines in IL, said the
Old Reminiscent, she hadn't rag to
his back, and now-now, by jingo, he's
covered with em. New York Mail
and Express.
Watts 'Tebson must be awfully
afraid of his wife. He is always tell
ing us how she will give him fits if he
don't hurry home" Potts-"That's
the hast sion In the xrorld that he il