The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1894-05-30
Quaint Cuttings.

1T doan' pay" said Uncle Eben, "ter be
stuck up. Ebery time yoh reaches ober tor
look down on yoh TELLER man yer runs a
great resk OBJ losin yoh balance an drappin."
Washington Star.
A difficult place to keep ones balance
at the bank.-Lowell Courier.
The other day Johnnie saw a branded
mustang on the street. "Oh, mamma" he
shouted, lust look how they've gone and
vaccinated the poor hingt'-Harper's
Young People.
There are two reasons why some people
don't mind their own business. One is that
they haven't any mind; the other, that they
haven't any MISUNDERSTANDING.
"One OBJ de average mans creates mis-
takes" said Uncle Eben, lam payin too
much 'tention ter de mistakes dat comes
undah Us notice in uddah people. Dab aim
no sense in gittin ober an pullin up dc weeds
In anuddah mans gyahden. "-Washington
Star.
No smile Is 30 genuine as that of the hen
which, perched ON the fence, watches the
man next door making his spring garden
Yonkers Statesman.
Every girl thinks her lover Is hero until
dog dashes at them as they are walking
along the street-Florida Times Union.
Severe moralistsdoubt IL the round dances
lead to the square thing In good conduct
Picayune
"Hellot" exclaimed the telegraph editor.
Here's a first class article from Kentucky"
You don't say So" responded the absent
minded city editor. who's got cork
screwT-W Washington Stsr
MIR. Cresus-You want to marry my
niece, do your Why, she is the only rela-
tive I have Charley Hardup-f have
thought that all out. sir-Raymond'e
There is no place like the home Of ons's
sweetheart.-Galveston News.
This Ia the season when the man who has
been at peace all winter has falling out
with his hammock.-Atchison Globe.
The man with an elastic step should 10
upstairs at single bound.-Yonk ers States
man.
The meek must inherit the earth, for it's
plain they never could get it in any other
way.-Kate Fields Washington.
suburban paper, reporting q meeting of
woman's dress reform league, says, "Thir-
ty odd women were present. "-Philadelphia
Record
man never realizes his worth until he
is sued for breach of promise-Tit-Bits.
man cannot always be the same every
where. So perhaps it is exousable, after a
man has delivered an eloquent plea for
more beautiful life,.to go home and kick
his dog and find fault with the supper his
script
Gould 1 see tho head Of the housep"
Servant-I don't see how you could miss 1t.
There was a champagne supper here last
night.-Inter Ocean.
The man who is taking phosphorus for
spring medicine is trying to make himself
match for any one.-Boston Transcript.
She-Riches have wings, they say. He
Yes, but it is not until man loses them
that he is said to "go up."-YonkersS States
man.
Lesser-I am writing a new tank play
and shall play the leading part myself.
Dasher-Ah, you will certainly play the
part of tank admirably York World.
When you go in to collect a bill, the man
at the counter is less apt to inquire about
the health of your family than when YOU
go in to pay one.-Atchison Globe
The sky is SO blue at this season of the
year that the earth grows green with jeal-
ousy.-Boston Globe
When everything else fails and your in
somnia seems to be incurable, try to get
q position as night watchman--Florida
Times Union.
married friend tells us in confidence
that he would much rather pay for a bon
net for his wife than undergo the martyr
dom Of picking out hat for himself-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Tommy-Pa, what does the paper mean
when it says comment is Unnecessary"
Mr.. Fight means that the writer didn't
know what to say.-Tit-Bits
Charlotte-Oh, how slippery these rocks
are Take a good hold Of my arm, John,
asd If slip hold on like grim death, but ii
you slip for goodness sake let go.-Pear
sons Weekly.
pretty girl can usually forgive q man
for staring at her, but you wouldn't think
so to hear her tell the folks about it after
she gets home. -Somerville Journal.
We'll, don't care There's one advan-
tage in having low ceilings" said Mrs. Old
house to Mrs Newhouse. you can slap
mosquitoes better. "-Boston Courier.
Pointed shoes are well enough, but they
should not be the only good points a man
possesses. -Boston Transcript.
If speech is silver and silence is golden,
IT'S no wonder that people sometimes purse
their hps.-Philadelphia Record.