The Portland daily press., 1893-10-31

came necessary to fix a standard and grad
late the thermometer as to Zero proposal
heat, etc. For this purpose Mr. Tonson
called his friends to a private view. None
of them staid away.
The apparatus was quantity fashioned
like the torso of a huge Cupid In the left
hand was u culver, with the thermometer
attached to it, and the right held the fun
mel, which was shaped like posthorn, to
the mouth of the figure. The inventor ha-
rangued the people for nearly an hour,
I though none of them understood much of
! his discourse, and then requested those who
were married, engaged or wished to be to
come forward and try their love-" SO that
he might have some materials for his scale.
There was not a rush.
At last Mr. Helmet advanced pushed on
by his wife. The crowd was very anxious
to see the result, as he was we'll known t.
be sadly henpecked. The poor little man
seemed nervous and made many blunders,
but finally set the machine going, and it
registered so degrees. Then every one
called out that the wife must try. She re-
fused, but the people hemmed her in and
bullied her. To our surprise, her vexation
and her husbands joy, the machine regis
tered CT degrees. She stood still, blushing
the color Of q pillar box, and the feathers
in her hat trembled violently. Little Mr..
Helmet, with something like a swagger,
seized her arm and called out gayly:
who'd "a thought it, Marian? Come
along, and I'll buy you new suit of
Clothes" The machine had caused revo-
luton in the Hennet household.
After this couple after couple came for
ward, and many were the surprises The
BrowH-Brownes, who quarrel night and
day, averaged GO degrees, while the Whiffs,
who always my dear" each other in pub
lie, only reached so degrees between them.
However, only one case need be specified.
Mr.. Langley and his fancee, Miss Jane
Prawl, were the last. This was evidently
due to his reluctance Small wonder was
1t, for Langley was handsome old young
man who had been ''going it" till his for
tune went, and then. after an eventful heir
ess hunting, had lighted upon Jane. She,
the heiress of a local builder, was worth a
great deal more than her weight-12 stone
Sin gold, but she was ugly enough to
have suspicion of the fact and more of a
hen than chicken. Her wealth had at
tracted numerous suitors. However, she
had been shrewd enough to gauge their af-
lection truly.
Langley, whose state was desperate, had
attacked her brilliantly. Instead Of pro-
testing a sincere affection he had boldly
avowed that he was after her money, and
that he was fearfully hard up. A small
syndicate of big creditors financed him
and enabled him to cut a figure that
belied his protested poverty. Miss Prawl,
bewildered by his curious assault, fas-
cinated by his style-which was vast
ly superior to that of any one else in
Tooting-and confident that his statement
as to his financial position was false, had
come to the conclusion that his cupidity
with small ''c') was also pretense. So
she accepted him, yet with perverse eau
ton kept postponing the fatal day. Funds
were running short, the syndicate had
grown furious, and Langley seemed lost.
The erotometer appeared likely to complete
his ruin, therefore it is easy to understand
his reluctance. However, Miss Jane de-
clared that his refusal would be a casus
belli. Mr.. Tonson, whose soul shuddered
at the idea of such wicked maneuvers,
looked as much like Mephistopheles as is
possible for stout, short man with a
round face and Dubious nose.
Langley, with the air of debtor in q
| county court on judgment. summons, ar
| rived at the fatal machine and gazed at it
ruefully.
| Mr.. Tonson remarked to his niece, "Now
| for our zero.''
The heiress hunter fumbled in one pocket
after another for penny.
Has it come to such a state as that?''
| whispered the inventor, and then said aloud,
Gan lend you penny"
Thanks replied Langley languidly, ''ii
| you can't change me tenner."
Mr.. Tonson handed him penny, and as
| he took it smile came over the face of the
old young man, mysterious, malignant
smile.
| Then he put it in the slot, worked his
arms, bent forward and to our stupefaction
the thermometer marked 100--15 degrees
| beyond the highest on record
| A cry burst from our lips Miss Prawl
| turned white and red almost simultaneous
| ly, then flung her arms round his neck and
said audibly: II knew it, my darling Da-
| vid. Well be married next week"
After this the seance closed, and Tonson
was left working out figures in state OF
| bewilderment
Next day Langley called and said he
| wished to have machine made for him at
once Miss Prawl would pay any price
for it.
Every WE'LL" said Mr.. Tonson, ''you can
have one in a fortnight. It will cost ESQ,
| butt
| 'sBut?"
"But can tunderstand 1.-THE machine's
| all right"
! But the man isn't?" said Langley. 'Mr.
Tonson,' he continued, you have done me
a great service. In return pll tell you
secret, if you'll promise to keep it."
Il promise" replied the inventor, but his
servant, who overheard the secret, made no
| promise.
well, can't you guess the trick? How
stupid you men. of genius are! didn't
whisper James name in the machine"
| "Whatr'
mo, I whispered, love Clara"
"But-who is Clara?"
"Never you mind. She certainly isn't
janet"
So Langley married the heiress and spent
her money UNANIMOUSLY, probably on Clara.
Mr.. Tonson was heartbroken and smashed
up the machine, vowing never to make an
other.-Sketch.