Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-04-06
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughabie
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Woxd Artists OF
Our Own Day.
Let Us Laugh.


her salary she wouldn't get a cent
Troy Press.
IT'S odd that when we want
watch to run we have to set it,
Yonke1s Gazette.
ANY euchre-player knows that
hearts beat quicker when they are
trumps. Troy Press.
THE candidate who shakes hands is
not necessarily in touch with the
people.-Galveston News.
A BALD-HEADED mans powers of
reflection are greatly increased under
an electric light. Boston Transcript.
WHILE some things find it difficult
to get along, the measuring stick
does pretty we'll, as a rule.-Troy
Times.
"How is your little brother? Likely
to get better? ooh! yes; he got his
first thrashing to-day since his i'll
ness. "-Deutscher Reichsbote.
THE donkey is generally regarded
as the most stupid of animals, which
is odd in view of the fact that it has
the most brayin' Observation-Disclosures
Record.
JENNIE PREMIER Cat the amateur
theatricals)-I say, old man, have you
got the stage fright? Heavy Villain
No, / think she's in her dressing
room.-Truth.
INFLUENCE will make itself felt in
politics. Even the humble letter
carrier when he comes to the door
shows what it is to have pull
Philadelphia Times.
"SAY, CHIMNEY" said one messenger
boy to another, IF there's anything [
hates it's a crowd" "Why?" "Cos
yer got ter hurry er git walked over"
Washington Star.
A MAINE man will send to Chicago
fir spar sixty feet in length and
without bend or crook in it. 1t
would make fir straight flag staff. =
Philadelphia Ledger.
SAYS fashion note: 1.-THE return
of the shawl is prophesied." And
now will somebody be sufficiently
brave to predict the return of the
umbrella?-Boston Transcript
FIRST CHILD-Whats the matter
with Nellie Newcomb? Second
Child-She's got the chicken-poX.
First Child guess she can't have it
very bad. She lives in boarding
house.
IT is little discouraging to a man
to carry a yowling, squalling baby
around for half a night, then sit
down and reflect that "of such is the
kingdom of heaven. "-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"AND now, my dear children" said
the professor, will you tell me what
velocity is?" please SIR" said a
bright youth, velocity is what my
father puts hot potato down with"
-Quips.
LADY OF THE HoUSE-"As [ wish
to make the tea agreeable, will YOU
gentlemen please say with Or without
cherry brandy. Well, Mr.. Forester"
Mr.. FOrester--"Ifyou please, should
like mine without tea. Bar,
MRS. STACKsLEY - Saint you
ashamed to talk like that to me,
John? Why, before we were mar
ried you used to say was an angelo
Mr.. Stacksley-"See here, Mary, it
isn't fair to twit a man about the lies
he told ten years ."-Quips.
QUEEN VICTORIA was so charmed
by piece of music recently played in
public by the band at Osborne that
she sent an attendant to learn the
name of it. He returned with the,
information that it was entitled
Come Where the Booze Is Cheaper. .,
MISS POETIQUE-"How dreamiIy
delightful is the soothing sound of
old oceans waves rolling up liz the
moonlight upon the silver sands!"
Miss Practicale-"Yes, | always did
like to hear the water sloshing
round upon the beach. Bonneville
Journal
AT A Swiss HOTEL. Landlord
go and wake the gentleman at No
T." BoOts-"But he told me to
waken him in a couple Of hours. .
Landlord Nonsense! Wake him
now. He neither eats nor drinks
anything SO long as he is asleep."-
Dorfbar bier.
FIRST ARTIsT-"Well, old man,
how's business?" Second Artist
ooh, splendid! Got a commission
this morning from millionaire
Wants his children painted very
badly" First Artist pleasantly
well, my boy, you're the very man
for the job. Life.
DUSTY RHoDEs-This paper says
surgeons cut open an elephants
stomach and took out a cable chain
weighing ninety pounds. E'itz Will
iam-How do they account for its be-
ing there? Dusty Rhodes--The sup
position is that he swallowed it while
eating in the dark, when the chain
was young and very snall--New
York Times.