The prison mirror. [volume] (Stillwater, Minn.) 1887-1894, 1893-06-15
On Education.

After much generalization | have re-
solved, rashly perhaps, and despite my
better judgment and the entreaties of
sincere friends, to relate. my experience
and the obstacles | met with in des-
perate attempt / once made to acquire
an education. A relative, in letter to
me, deplored my want of education and
suggested that 1 try to improve my
mind. thought the suggestion good
one, and made up my mind Gf l may be
allowed the eXpression) to remain no
longer an ignOramus. | procured an
English Grammar, and proceeded to
devote an evening to study. After an
hour of close application, however, l
began to feel strange; then my mind
what there is of it, began to wander,
not an unusual thing for it to do, and,
l didn't notice it particularly, but when
the walls would creep up to me and
then jump back, | got nervous. The
book on my table would stand on one
leg and jeer at me in an idiOtic sort of
way. A dignifed old bedbug, the
father of numerous family whom /
had supported through long and cold
winter, made his appearance upon the
wall, and after a preliminary kick or
two. began what appeared to be skirt
dance; he lodged the porcelain vase /
hurled at him, but in his hurried efforts
to escape, ran his head against kink
in the atmosphere and was Obliterated;
one of his back teeth lies before me as
l write. His confiding family, ignorant
of the cause of his death, still regard
me as an intimate friend. / turned to
grasp the door, which had climbed
around behind me, and in doing SO,
caught sight of my reflection in mir
ror. Great Scott! What sight met
my eyes; every hair on my head stood
erect, and electricity was generated in
such quantities by the rapid friction of
my teeth, as to soon exhaust my limited
storage facilities, so that it emanated
from my hair, and tinger-tips in white
and blue blazes. Horrible thoughts of
spontaneous combustion fitted through
my mind The clock on the mantel
threw up it's hands with a look of hOr-
ror on it's face. Education in it's various
branches bore down upon me in groups;
glided through me, bumped up against
me, and otherwise showed its contempt
for me. 1t finally gathered into con-
glOmeratiOn of vacancy and was gone;
the void it left in space being plainly
discernible to the naked eye tried to
get under the bed, but they were there
before me. Delirium tremens would
have been relief. Scared? No; but
very nervous. That night l retired in
a rather excited state of mind, only
to be awakened out of nightmare by
the night guard, who had stopped to
| inquire what / was swearing at. 1t
was too much. fell back unconscious,
and have never entirely recovered. For
days after, the boys would glance at me
significantly, and tap their foreheads;
and even now, the sight of a three-year-
old almanac the only thing in the way
of literature that is left me-will drive
me into commissions, and l find it diff
ficult, at times, to retain what little in
tellect still possess. Boys, to any of
you who are seized with desire to be-
come educated, 1 would say, go slow;
have your craniums examined and then,
if you think you can stand it, why, go
ahead. AS for me, after giving the
matter what little thought am capa-
BILE of, 1 have come~to the conclusion
that can enjoy life far more as an
ignorant, guileless fool, than as an ed
ucated imbecile. F. ID.