St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-09-24
WANTED--A WIG.

The absence OF hair upon the crani-
ums OF our citizens is becoming quite
noticeable. Most of our men are candi-
dates for the front row in the theater
before they are thirty. Is it the climate
or the excitement Of farming that
causes this loss? This semi-baldness is
usually laid to the sudden and capri
cious changes with which the climate of
this wild" WESTERN but not
"woolly," state amuses itself.
p
Naturally our family has not escaped
this affection. Both my brother and the
canary bird have been steadily growing
bald. In vain have we sprinkled kero-
Sene on the bird and sulphur Oh the boy
or vice versa. My memory is becom-
ing as short as the new crnoline skirts:
l nave tried to sweep the dust out of
that corner OF my brain WHICH contains
my memory. but in spite of severe dis
cinine 1t insists upon remembering
what 1t should forget and forgettin q
Wlsat 1t should remember. cannot
recollect whether we gave rusty nails
and miilet to tho boy or the bird.
would not recommend this heroic treat
ment to any one. for they both con-
tinued to moult. We became very much
distressed over their unhappy condition,
and telt willing to try almost any RENE
dy that was recommended, except
whisky. Being blue, very dark nav V
blue ribbon people. we disliked the
thought OF buying whisky-for external
application.
Finally it hecamc evident that if we
wished TO uphold the family dignity we
must decorate the mead OF the heir.
With this object in view we called a
family c0uacil to decide the color OF
his wiz. Some OF Us Thought black
wig would give him an Imposing liter
airy expression; others thought he must
be allowed TO have tue poetical look
that a loag-!,aired blonde wig would
lend his cOuntenanca. The femiie
members of the family circle herewith
became excited. Fearing il their ire
were aroused t;5 discussion might soon
involve question of wigs for the entire
family, L was about 10 suggest compro-
missing Oh black wig With blonde trim
iningS. when a laundering knock was
heard at the back door. This knock
was Immediately followed by the ap-
pearance of one of those highly inter
estins. datterin@, volubie itiuerant
vendors OF everything from cora cure
and bug poison to sewing machines.
lie bowed TO tuC assembly, said it was
nice day. and what did We think of
the Mckinley bill. Nat having received
any satisfactory reply To- this brilliant
business remark, he proceeded to tell
us that "he had medicine that would
remove cornS in tWa minutes, crops
were poor, did any of us suffer from
asthma? he had never seen such beau
tifui children as he now gazcd upon,
and could 1t be possible that wa had no
tihWart to n :nd or silver to pIljsii?'
We wreSt!ei with thts Grafton. trying
vainly To rcaiiz, what r1,atioa existed
between "c,iidrtn a;;t tjn.vArc" or
"5llvet aai crJp4." t;3f0rt.> We had
time To LhIn@ out s:tis ptoble,l he Sug-
5estei that W. shnald judge tho merits
OF the ''Woaiarfal Cleaning Fujd."
lie now seized tidy, ant after dipping
Ii lii the fluid proce;ilGd to wash the
plate oij i fork, $au,;r;;: tn; paint
Gif chair. rubbc.. the nattcrt
cit "a class decautcr, scrubbed
the hiacktnG otf tic stove and
tlen tCliiag US it would take grease of
anythsag, TIC looked AROUND fOr some
i;in@ to experiment on. His eyes fell
';p0n tue baby; he made move ia that
direction, doubtless with the taudabie
Intention OF sccubjins ter complexion
right off her facs. Bat her mother's in
stinct Was Co quick for mia; she caught
tha;ln0k WiS.i t.Ic utnd and The baby
with the otiIe,. 1uGn utterilc Shrek OF
despair, like tiaSar OF old, she tiei to
the DESERT otherwise the cellar. [
could not s,y:ar tnat Mrs. yias.r gave
Feat 10 precisely Lhe 5a!nH illud of a
snrieil. for ain not sure chat S,,yiclls be-
came ca;i'a at unttI .cr:,sti opera was
Introduced.