Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-09-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY,

tea psrty-An old maid.-Truth.
The time to burn letter is before
it is mailed. Galveston News.
Every man has his price, except
those that are worth buying Puck.
The difference between marbles and
billiards is about ten years in the age
of the play. Puck.
deaf man cannot be legally con-
victed 1t is unlawful to convict
man without hearing. -Siftings.
Father-in- -law-'I am ruined all is
lost" Son-in-la law "Ahemi Then l
married for love, after all !'-Tit-Bits.
If there were no great fools in the
world, we wouldn't be nearly so well
satisfied with ourselves as we are
Puck.
''She never told her love" But if
he didn't get wind of it, it was no
fault of the busy-bodies. Boston
Transcript
A minister who was given match
sealed in an envelope for wedding fee
made light of the imposition. -Phila-
delphia Record.
'Did Bilkem leave anything when
he died?" "Yes; his creditors.
They're the worst left lot you ever
saw. Buffalo Courier.
The fool seeketh to pluck the fly
from the mules hind leg, but the wise
man letteth the job to the lowest bid
der - Mempbis Appeal
Applicant -"Will there be chance
to get up in the world?" Proprietor
"At half past three in the morning"
kate Fields Washington.
She-'I wonder why they call these
angel sleeves?" He-''What else
could they be called when you wear
m?"-Indianapolis Journal.
No one can appreciate the value of
match as can the smoker who lives
in house that 10 lighted by electric
light and heated by steam. Life.
She-"Am I the first girl you ever
proposed to, darliug?" He (sincerely)
--"No; but you are the only girl who
ever accepted me. Brooklyn Life.
Friend-''You don't take any out
ing in the summer, ] suppose?" Ice
man-''W Well, no; that's when / have
my innings, you know. Detroit Tri-
bune.
81 have notion to poke you in the
face" said the boy to the banana
"What face?" asked the banana. ''My
face" said the boy. Indianapolis Sen
tinel.
Philosophers go about saying this
is woman's age. According to her own
account woman denies it--denies hav-
ing any age; she is always young
Flaming Swori.
'How do you like your new lady
help, Mrs. Todgers." ''I should like
her good deal more. Mrs. Bodgers,
if she was little less the lady and
little more of u help. "-Tid-Bits.
Novelist - 'Td like to have my
heroine do something absolutely
unique!" Friend -''Yes2 Why don't
you have her faint whom there's no
one looking. Detroit Tribune.
Tramp-"C you assist me along
the road, mum?" Lady of the House
Personally, l cannot; but will
unchain my dog, and l know ho will
be most pleased to do go. Tit Bits
"Aren't you in the grave-robbing
business?" asked the lawyer. my
profession, sir, responded the wit
ness, with dignity, "is that of exhum-
atorial artist indianapolis Journal
Mrs Flockton-'T wonder is it true?
People say that you sometimes go to
sleep over your sermons, Parson
Dunleigh--"P People, / suspect, Judge
me by themselves. Boston Tran
script.
"Then you think / can never learn
to dive. [ don't see why?" Professor
My dear young lady, you must re-
member that you would have to keep
your mouth shut. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
First Traveller What is your bust
ness?" Second Traveller (haughtily)
Il am a gentleman, sir. " First
Traveller Indeed How long have
you been ont of ?"--New York
Herald.
II suppose il is quite cool in the
Scotch Highlands, even in SUMNER"
said a Pittsburger to friend who had
been in Scotland. Eyes" the latter
replied, "the hills wear their furze all
the time. "-Pittsburg Chronicle.