Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1893-11-12
donabIe carelcssness OF one OF the girls
who attended TO the clerical work.


bored you with their adventures did, ana
during the first week Of his soiourn Do
the Windy Cttv he was immensely pleased.
But On the eighth day something horribly
embarrassing occurred, and he came PACK
10 Richmond on the next train. In the
morning he sailed forth To see the sighis'
Hnd us nobody eyer knows what CRANKY /
notions the Chicago weather Is going 10
take into i.s head. ne carried his umbrella
with h!.1 After twirling on the Plaisance
FOR some hours and chuckng a Few Oi
"thp Worlds Forty Beauties under their
respective chins "a way respectable oid
bachelors hay-l h. concluded that the UNI
brella was getting powerfully heavy ana
finally h. decided to 90 TO one OF the
cloak-rooms and check IL. This ne dld'
and once more he plunged into tne siuuS
mazes Of the Midway He saw II All
and kept kept right In the PROCESSION.
Yes. he even went into the Sueets %
Cairo. and had his picture taken on the
back of donkey. II occurred to MN
that some of his friends upon seeing me
photo might sarcastically enquire Which
,yaa no and which was the donkey, but
| no was IN for fun. and so he didnt ieI
! that bother him And thus the hourS he"
| melr,Iy by. About dusk the genial pache
| lor bethought himself OF his umbrella ann
/ ne started TO 60 10 the place where ne lelt
Il. To his surprise he found that ne @ h@1u
| lost his way, and hs became conpie'eN
| dazzled. Finally he met two OF nus iauy
| friends. and when he told them his rou-
bios they volunteered TO assist hlh' a'N
now I'll tell you how they did IT,
] -
| "Why, here's the place" said one o,
! the falr ones, after they had searCneS
| for n few minutes In the trio marcheu'
| and az the gentleman saw other people
searching for their checks, he natulahF
concluded that this was the room where
Re left his umbrella.
| no produced his voucher and good-nu-
r,aredly remarked 10 the lady clerk: II
that big fellow, with one rib a httie ou'
Of place"
"Gh YES" replied the lady, Il remember
when you left it here TINS morhins'
| get II in moment ,
With that she scampered away throush
the ante-room. and in a minute she re-
turned. bringing with her a bald-hesaed'
slab-sided. cross-eyed. box-iawed paoy
that hnwled a mournful misercre wneh
its elutinous fangs were separated from
the sugar-rag which had hushed IT'S muir
murings throughout the day
What's that" asked my friend aghaSI
why. It's your baby, sir-the one you
left here this morning.
The expression on the face OF tnat oid
bachelor was simply horrible to oehoid.
Yea. even the scanty hairs on ms heau
! became as perpendicular as cornstalks IN
an old held | shall not attempt to depict
! the looks Of amazrment which marked the
| faces Of his lady friends.
NY baby?" shrieked the Richmonder;
! why l didn't leave any baby here;
lett an umbrella"
you can't fool me that way" said the
lady clerk" and youll have 10 take IT
away. as we're going 90 close up in ten
minutes.
"But ri be --- II I do" roared the
| respectable bachelor. and h. fed prccipi-
tately. leaving his friends, the lady clerk.
and most important Of all. that bald-head-
el. slah-sided. cross-eyed boN-jawed baby
with one rib out of place
May I write just a few lines more
about Chicago. my dear patient torb'ar-
ing friends? You stayed away from
church 10 read the paper this morning.
and i really think you ought 10 be pun
ishel for H. I want to add something
about that big, pig-killins establishment
IN the Windy city It's about a little
mistake / thought / made ia reference 10
the saughter-pens, and j want TO set my
self right I'm the matter. You know | told
I
mot baseball "rootcrs.' but fOur-legsed
animaIs). and killed them 50 quickly that
the pigs themselves didn't know for ten
minutes afterwards whether they were
dead or llving incidentally | stated that
every portion Of the swine was utilized
the head tail hair, nJOfa and NlsCcrd-
and in concluding. / cpigrammotlcally re-
marked: Nothing about those piss Il
lost
The next day some smart Alcck an
bet $50 be was a butcher wrote me a
note in which he qucricd me as follows
Mr. Ideal RepOrtet What you says
about them hogs is all right. but If no
thing about them IS lost. what becomes
Of their sdueal?" When | read that note
| thought / was g0ue-l thought In" iel-
low had me-and ! was almost ready 10
throw up the sponge but II occurred
10 mo that by writing to the pork packers
on the subject l might get some ioophoi,
TO crawl through. / stated the case u
the gentlemen. and appealed to them Ia
save me II possible. They dd-blcss theii
souls-and | nailed that butcher 40 hard
that bis face has been hurting him Tor
weeks | told him in my reply that
knew | was right all along. Permit mt
10 show Won MeSSrs. Armour ~ CO. $ let
ter. which explains the whole thing, and
lets me out OF the difficulty most Oeaut-
fully:
Dear Sir" they say. enclosed find SIX
pounds Of sausage and three pig-tallS.
which We send as a token OF our apprc-
citation for the handsome free "ad' you
rave us. The pig-tails are for your babies
you are correct in stating that nothin9
about the swine In our establishment is
lost The "squeal' used 10 get away
from us In spite Of every thing we coull
do. but now Il man across the street has
got a phonograph and catches 1t on the
nv. Choice porcine solos can be- heard IN
any hotel lobby at five cents a squ'aL
Kiss the baby for us.'
Judge Wexford has refused 10 pardon
Murderer Philip y. Nicholas. and II now
looks very much as il the prisoner will
meet his end upon the gallows. In case
The poor fellow fails 10 escape the extreme
punishment of the law, somo one Will
have the unpleasant duty of hanging him.
This work. II ] mistake not, devolNes upon
tr.f f.tt. Jolly little Heurico official, Sheriff
Simon Solomon. Now the Sheriff, lik'
the Lord High Exccutioner In the Mikado
wouldn't have the heart 10 Kill guinea
.uis. -. the mere thought OF Staying on.
OF HIS fellow beings makes MIN shudder
few days ago Simon dropped by my
Office To- take some Of tn" nice ice water
always Keep III Nl4I N''l'4' '-''' 4 ''-'
T. h,ra:
by the way, I want one Of your photo
graphs" The Sheriff know he was
-, od-lookcr." and SO he forthwith prom
isel me his "tin-type.'
What are you going to do with it?' h
asked
"Oh. We are lust preparing a cut or IN.
Nicholas hanging in advance said !
"and we want To have you fixed up right
Well. Sirs Simon fairly qulvered Wnen
told him this. "Tl resign my JOB sal,
ne. before | would hang man. Don
Joke ne about that thing
| think he IL right too, ana really u
the worst comes to the worst. h. can as
sign one OF his deputies 70 the work
Perhaps this may sound very unsympa
thetic toward Nicholas. though really
hope ne viii escape the a"rul snd ma
threatens him. For nay part never va
completely satisfied a. 10 his guilt
ard | am rather opposed to capital punish
ment. There are 50 many mean men II
Richmond who ought 20 be- hung ana have
SO far escaped that l don't think theS
ought tc MAKE au exception Of Nicholas.
Not "A "Graduate" of the Reforinatory.