St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-03-19
AS SPRING APPROACHES.

40 0EntNU Ar nVAOI1Eos
As the spring approaches and the time
draweth near when the ''song of the
auctioneer will be heard in the land"
think it only fair towards young and In.
nocent husbands to give them word of
advice, viz: Don't give your wife all
the cash you have and let her go to tue
auction alone. 1T you do she will buy
everything she doesn't need and moth
ing that she does. BE sure you accom-
pany her If she insists OH going to an
auction. Listen to my heart land purse)
breaking experience, and be warned
while there is yet time.
We had been married about a year
when we decided TO go to housekeeping.
Marriage had not proved a failure, but
boarding had. Our stomachs were not
zinc-lined; neither had we digestive or
gans like soap factory. We had found
the third tack in the mince pie. Now,l
do not mind nice silver-headed tacks
very much, but do object to old rusty
iron ones; it CRATES awfully on ones
feelings TO think you have picked out
nice fat currant and find it only an old
tack. As our landlady wouldn't prom
Use to use silver tacks or leave them out
altogether, we determined to move, and
gave notice Of our impending depart
ure, leaving her inconsolable and add
ing another sorrow to her already grief
stricken heart, which now mourned
four dear departed husbands and two
boarderS-l wasn't able to learn how
many husbands died from eating tacks.
My wife used to talk to me a great
deal about "what all economical treas
ure had," and heard so often show
eXtravagant Jennie Brown and Susie
Jones were, and goodness knows where
their poor husbands would end" that at
last my respect tor her business ability
was raised to what she considered the
proper pitch. So l unsuspectingly and
trustingly handed over all of my savings
when she said she could furnish a house
cheaper if she had cash. When in
quired what furniture store she intended
patrOnizing, she kept as mum as a boiler
Shop-which is very quiet for woman.
She sailed forth the next morning,
after telling me she only intended buy
ing necessities; we could use our we'd
ding presents for ornaments. l didn't
know whether she intended decorating
our parior mantle with the seven butter
knives, the eight sugar spoons or the
six clocks, and | dared not ask ner. |
wish we could lose those clocks; it is
quite ghostly to hear one ticking in ev
cry corner of the room and few dis
tributed in the center. Particularly as
they never agree, and consequently
keep up continual striking and ring
ing that would make even telephone
girl turn over in her grave. they all
came from dear friends, so she won't
let me give any of them away. wanted
to supply all the orphan asylums and
hospitals with time pieces. She vetoed
that philanthropic move, but L have
hired the eXpresSman who moves us to
lose some On the way. A mother winter
with those clocks and l would be com
PEELED to take my little S50-a-month-rail-
road-office brain to rest cure.
That night l went direct from the
office to the new home, my imagination
all aglow with picture Of my cosy lit
tie house, furnished so daintily and
prettily by my economical treasure"
The first thing [ saw was an enormous
hall rack on the front porch; it was
much too big to go into the hail, ana
would have admirably suited the Ryan
hotel. l afterwards used it to build the
fire, and it made very nice kindling
wood. In the parlor saw very crest
fallen little wife sitting on a three
legged chair with two tired little feet
perched upon a dilapidated footstool;
she was gazing diSconsolately at three
dozen after dinner coffee cups, which
had seen better days-much better days
for they looked tired Of this wicked
world, and seemed TO feel acutely the
disgrace of being, with one cracked eX-
ception, handlelesS. They were placed
OIL what had once been sideboard, but
which would not serve for kitchen
cupboard now. On one end Of this re-
markable piece of furniture was lamp
il hadn shade, chimney OF burner but
we never missed this article, foT it
leaked and fatty refused to hold oil.
l could not understand this unprepos-
sessing array until | heard my econom-
ical treasures confession: She was care
fully examining some parlOr curtains
and statuary-which she had no inten-
ton of buying-when that horrld auc-
tIoneer sold the kitchen stove: her wild
rush for the kitchen when she heard
the stove going excited her to such
degree that she forgot to bid on the tea
kettle, but bought wash boiler big
enough for public laundry-and we
send all of our washing out! She lost
her chance at the dishes while watch
ing woman pay 50 for one cup; judg
ing from that price, she supposed three
dozen were awfully cheap for So, so she
bought the aforesaid sick-looking lot
without minutes inspection. and now
she found out that the handles were
only pasted on. Aud thus it was with
everything. and. breaking down, she
offered to take in plain sewing to earn
money to buy some beds-she had COM
pletely forgotten them!
l inspected the house, and found an
extension table, minus the leaves; a gas
stOve-she forgot we had no gas stove
in the house until she had paic $50 for
it; a chrome that came with pound of
tea; willow chair, from which [ as
sured her l could not be cruel enough
to GUST the present inhabitants. There
upon she again wept, and declared l
saw bugs everywhere-a moth eaten
rug, and, horror of horrors! two clocks.
wonder L didn't give up my little soul
right there, but L didn't. Instead de
Al