The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-02-08

AN "xpsilanu from ups1lon.
Ny Latin and my Calculus away
From me have taken airy wings; and,.loI
With perfect candor can say to-day;
r. K NJ, in Puck.
The original "vault of heaven" was
made when the COW jumped over the
moon.-Pucb.
@She's very upright young lady,"
"Yes, but she's bent on matrimony. -
Philadelphia Times.
The bunko man is not fastidious.
He lives on the simplest thing he can
find.-El',strG Gazette.
The sign-painter may make dollar
while the steeple-painter is making |
ascent. Boston Courier.
'"What is your husband doing nowp"
Nothing. He has been appointed to
an office. IN Y. Press.
The fair sex is capable of almost
anything when driven to it. Example:
Nancy Hanks.-Jamestotcr NeaOs.
Some people think that time is not
going well with them when they can't
get any tick.-Philadelphsa Times
The young man who is found every
day at the race course is on the wrong
track, so to speak YoaaEers States
man.
The greatest triumphs of mind is
when q man knows enough to nina
his own business.-Meriden Repu6Li-
can.
When man finally does give up and
cry, he looks SO much like drunken
man that he gets no sympathy.-Atc''s-
son Globe.
Sunday-School Teacher-"Who loves
everybody, Johnniep" Johnnie-"My
pa does, cos he is runnin' for office. >
Texas Sittisgs.
@Gosh!" exclaimed Josiah Punker-
ton as he gazed at the leopard in the
menagerie, "jes' look at them freckles!"
Washington Star.
~Lady-@Where is my trunk9" Bag
gage Mani couldn't find any trunk,
mum, but I've got the handle with the
check on."-M. 7. Weekly.
She-@Why do men always want to
go out and see a man between the
acts at the theaterp" He-@I suppose
they get tired looking at ha5ts."-LJe.
~It's funny thing, Jones, that we
never speak of our poor relations be-
hind their backs" "We don't have to.
The poor are always with us. ""-PHcb.
Jagson says it is evident that the
man who talks about the silent watches
Of the night doesn't sleep with a
Waterbury under his pillow.-EtnsirG
Gazette.
If the little conscience of some men
can make towards of them, think how
wild broom with a mad woman be-
hind it must make them quake.-DGt-
las Nea0s.
speaking of George Washington, :"
remarked the bachelor, 81 wonder if
his sister-in-law ever asked him his
real opinion of her new baby."-I1a-
dsasaapogis Journal.
The Groom (very lthy)-"Why
did you marry an ordinary chap like
meP" The Bride = 81 haven't the
slightest idea; mamma managed the
whole affair. Life.
sits been puzzling my BRAIN" mad
vertently remarked Snodgrass. @What
hasP" asked Snively. "Whether q
man with glass eye ever has pane
in it."-Jea0eler's Circular.
Sporting Mantle was great
pugilist once, but he doesn't amount
to ANYTHING any more" Jones-"Ha.
he lost his strength" Sporting Mar
-"No; his voice. ."-Irssth.
Mrs. Fifty (who thinks she appears
youthfully) may be surprised tx
SON." Mr.. Gauehe-"Yes, indeed.
thought he was your grandson
Life.
She-"This is picture of my broth
er. and this is of myself" He'll
does not look like you in the least.
She-"Wen, you see the pictures wer,
not taken by the same photographer.
Texas Sittings.
Mrs. Broughne-"Isn't it sadP Mr.
Rubric our young minister, is dead.
Mrs. Smith-"How shocking! Did b.
leave any property?" @Thirty-seve
pairs of embroidered suspenders, be
ieve."-B9falo Erpress.
Jaggs-"Brace up, old man; if i
weren't for reverses no one would fint
out your good qualities" Raggs-"
would rather have a little prosperit,
and have my good qualities remain al
unknown quantity. Brooklys Eagle.
@This isn't the first time you hav,
come in contact with the police, sait
the lawyer to the witness. mo, sir,
was the reply. "What, may I ask
was the result of your former encount
err" Il awoke him." - Washington
Star.
Clara-"You certainly must hav,
some courage, Charlie. You wer.
brave enough to propose to me whel
you had only known me three DAYS.
Charlie-sIf / had known you longer
perhaps should not have been."-
Brooklyn Life.
He said If she would give him a kis
he would not ask for another. "But
dear" she said roguishly, "what if
wanted anotherp" "Oh, that will b.
all right" he assured her. "Kisses art
like sheep; when one leads the others
ollow."-Detroit Free Press.
Mother-"Have you heard how Mr.
Spanker is this morning?" Small Sor
-@Oh, he's all right. He's gettin
well fast" "Who told youP" "Nt
one." "Then how do you knowP" "Hi
little boys had begun to hear w'er
their mother calls. Good NeOs.
~What am most worried about,
said the doctor to the sick editor, i.
your blood. want to find out abou
the circulation" Circulation" gasp
ed the patient. "Look here, doctor, il
isn't square deal to work me for 8
death-bed confession" = Wasbi7aqto1
Star.
Gusher entertaining friend)-"Ah
dear boy, what can equal this-ehP 4
bottle of good wine and the cares o
the world lost in the fragrant clouds
of a good Havana. We've nothing tt
grumble at-ehP" Snidey-"Hum-
no-unless it's the wine and cigars!"-
Funny Folks.
II don't think Mr.. Bunker is mucl
of conversationaiist," observed Mis-
Elder. "Well, he called on me las
night" replied Miss Young, as sh'
carelessly twirled new ring on tht
third finger of her left hand, "and
found his conversation quite engag
ing."-Spare Moments.
Nora-"I heard from Miss SINCE
this morning; she writes me she is 60
ing to appear in opera soon." Dora