davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
>,asn,t the Same, After All.

"Here! You haven't got that word
spelled correctly" said the lawyer to
his new clerk.
ssWhat's the matter with it?' de-
manded the clerk.
''Why. it should be pro instead OF
per. It's the case against that old
woman for trespass and you've got me
down as the attorney for the persecu-
ton instead of the attorney for the
prosecution -
ooh, it amounts to the same thing in
this instance" said the clerk careless
ly, and five minutes later he was look
ing for another job.-Chicago Post.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
NEWS NOTES AND COMMENTS,

PRESIDENT GARFIELD's farm at Men
tor has been divided up into building
lots. The land boom and the historic
site often come into conflict.
PRESIDENT CARNoT has toasted the
French army. But the German en-
peror seems to think that he is the
only man il the world that can do it
up brown.
BISMARCK has sold his memoirs for a
large sum, the condition being that
they are to be published Immediately
after his death. This is a bit of in
tclligence that will make William
squirm.
PATTI has been admitting her pet
weaknesses, which include Dickens
among novelists, Longfellow among
poets, and entertaining friends as a
tavorite pastime, but sheEsaid not word
about her hobby for farewell tours.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
The Doctor on Bicycling.

Patroness You have frequently
said that you do not recommend
bicycling for invalids, and yet you
have just advised my son to get a
bicycle.
Doctor told him to get one with a
pneumatic tire.
'.Oh, that sort of tire makes a differ
ence, presume"
"a very great difference. Carrying
the wheel back and forth to the re-
pair shop will be most excellent exer-
else, madam. Good News.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
An Important Occasion.

Uncle Ebony-I's glad you's in, sab,
cause want to borrer youah cyclo-
pedias, and n few dictionaries, and
any other nice big booksyou can spare,
sab.
Employer-Goodness me! And you've
brought a wheelbarrpw, / see. What
on earth do you want of them?
Uncle Ebony-Very important oc-
casion, sab, very important. Dinah
and me wants to hunt up name fob
the baby, sah.-N. Y. Weekly.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
A RemarkahIe MAN.

Jason Tin the billiard room)-Is
this the kind of game you usually put
up?
Dason-Oh, no, I always used to
play
Jason (facetiously) A great deal
better of course.
Dason-As / was about to say, I al
ways used to play much worse. This
is the best game l ever pl- Jason re-
covers after the application of restor-
atives. )-Chicago Record.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
The Ones in Danger.

ssThe robbers have got good start,
but the detectives arc after them"
s.Are they well mounted?"
'Who? The detectives?
mo. The robbers"
''Yes, but the detectives are better
mounted"
Him, Well, they'll escape"
'.Who? The robbers?"
s'No. The detectives. Chicago Trib-
una.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Not Her Fauit.

"I don't see why it takes BERTHE so
long to learn to talk" said the young
mother, anxiously. Il spend hours
every day trying to teach him. B'ess
its little footsy-tootsies! Doesn't muz-
ger dess do ever'sing she tan to det it
to talky-wall1y! Tum to its muzzer!
Popsy-wopsy doncy duckums! Widdle-
come bid6lecome fiddle-de-dee! Toze
its pity little eyes now and go s'eepy"
Chicago Tribune
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
The female way.-Chicago Mail.
That Settled 1t.

Laurence-Bertie. Eastwood is en-
gagged to that pretty widow he's been
attentive to so long.
Terrence That so? ! never thought
he'd get his courage up.
Laurence-Guess she thought so too:
and last time they went with party
down to Manhattan, when they came
to the tunnel she hollered "Ouchr'-
Judge.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Town and Country.

LITTLE Beth had gone into the coun-
try, and, as was quite natural, had
taken her city notions with her.
'You must keep an awful lot of po-
licemen out here, grandpa, she said,
on the first day after her arrival.
why so, Beth?" said her grand
father.
''Oh, there's such a lot of grass to
keep off of."-Inter Ocean.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Spiteful.

''I'm six and you are only four" said
Bessie, loftily, to her little sister Belle,
and then added in a still more aggra-
waiting tone, land when l was four
you were only two, and when / was
two you were nothing but dust"
YES" retorted Belle, spitefully,
land if I'd been a mud puddle I'd
splashed you, SO / would. "-Harper's
Young People.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Risky.

Sallow Passenger-Don't you think
there is always some puff risk in rid
ing puff in a smoking car?
Red-Faced Passenger do, sir.
There is nc telling (phewD when the
man sitting next to you may light
cigarette. Moves three seats for
ward. Chicago Tribune.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Success Follows Failure

To cure disease when, instead of the nu-
merous paIliatives of that scourge of hu
manity, that potent and comprehensive
medicine, Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, Is
resorted to. Improvement is rapid and re-
lief complete when it is used in cases of
liver or malarial complaint, dyspepsia, con-
stipation, nervousness, kidney weakness or
neuralgia. Debilitated people speedily gain
strength when digestion is renewed by the
Bitters
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
a Minor Role.

Kitty-And were you extremely fond
Of her?
Toni was abjectly devoted.
Kitty-Oh. tell me all about it! Was
it really thrilling tale of love and
passion?
Tom-Yes; did the love, and her
father did the passion. Truth.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
A Probability.

She (wearily)-Yes, I'm engaged tc
three men, and they have each of them
given me ring.
He-What if all three should happen
to call on you at the same time?
She-Why, then, I'm afraid there
would be circus with three rings in
it.-Brooklyn Life.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
His Experience.

Il tell you, Tomskin, you don't know
the joys and felicities of a contented
married life, the happy fight of years,
The long restful calm Of
How long have you been married?"
"Er-four days. chicago Record.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Night Sounds.

He-Do you hear the rustic Of The
leaves?
She-Yes: aud isn't it strange that
when we can hear 50 distinctly such a
gentle sound we can't hear the bark
of the tree!-Brooklyn Life.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
RecIprocity.

His Friend-Don't you think it disas.
trous for two such notorious spend
thrifts to marry?
Her Friendly no means; they'll
simply drive each other to economy
inside ofusix monthsl-Puck.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Must Have an Alternative.

Editor-Tim, if young Mr.. Jackson
calls this morning tell him I'll see him
at two o'clock.
: Tim-Yis, sorr; and what shall tell
him if he don't call?-Once Week.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

SHE FINEssED-"How did that plain Miss
Homely manage to get a husbands She
must have played her cards we'll" ayes,
but it was against Hoyle. She made O
sneak "-Detroit Free Press.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

Rambling Willie-Fd never have be-
lieved dat of ole Swipsey. He died las
week wild water on de brain.
Stale Muffins-An' to t'ink dat we
once recognized dat fclle- as fren'!
It's too much, Willie.-Judge.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

The incredulous are of all men the
most credulous; they believe the
miracles of Vespasian,, in order not to
believe those of Moses.-Pascal.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Poor Consolation.

"Really, my DEAR" said poor Mr..
Pecked to his better half, you have
sadly disappointed me. l once consid-
cred you a jewel of woman, but
you've turned out only bit of mat
trimonial paste"
'sThen, my love-" was the reply,
''console yourself with the idea that
paste is very adhesive, and will stick
to you as long as you live. ."-Boston
Globe.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

A DELUDED WIFE.-The Unmarried One
Are men really such awfully wicked
creaturesso The Newly Married One-"No,
indeed. Why every time Charlie has to
stay down town at the office, away from me
at night, it just makes him feel so bad that
he's almost sick the next day."-Detroit
Tribune.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
EnStidiOus.

Haversup More-Weary Walker S too
much of 'ristocrat fer de business.
Nancy Steppes-What's he doin'
now?
Haversup More-Got SO he won't
sleep anywhere 'cept on flower-bed
-pucly
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
AN EIigible Acquaintance.

Codling-Why did you speak to that
howwid tramp, old fel?
Gilley-Why shouldn't I, chappie?
He isn't in twade and he doesn't work
faw living.-Judge.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
He Had His Fears,

81 don't want to meet him. / owe
him something"
rs it more than you can pay?''
''I'm afraid SO. / owe him a thrash
ing. Truth.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Tempus Fugit.

Judge Duffy-This is the third time
this month you have been up here be-
fore me.
Tramp-Well, declare, how time do
slip away.-Texas Siftings.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
A Good Plan.

Visitor (at Chicago restaurant) This
bill-of-fare is in French.
Waiter-Yes, sab; but the prices is in
English, sab. Mos folks goes by dem.
IN. Y. Weekly.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

LoNGsHoT-oTake my advice, my boy;
quit betting on the races. Fast horses will
be your ruin if you keep on" Oddson-
'No, you're wrong. 1t isn't the fast horses
that break me; it's those that aren't quite
fast enough n-Hallo.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

"LET me see, " said Bobbs to Dobbs, "isn't
this Dobbs that we were just talking about
a relative of yoursa" "a distant relative"
said Dobbs. 'Very distanti'' Il should
think so. He's the oldest Of twelve chill
dren and I'm the youngest. ."-Tid-B
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
The ArrOw.

shot an arrow into the air;
1t fell to earth, know not where;
But soon found out I'm sorry TO say
1t had killed horse, and had to pay.
Truth
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
A Creditors Philosophy

I'm glad Smythe never paid me bacl,
The flyer lent in days of yore,
Because, had he done so, perchance,
might have lent him many more
-Harper's BaZar.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

''Do YOU know much about that horse you
bought from the deacon" 81 know more
about the deacon than id.n-Life.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

"A man never has so much use for
his watch as when listening to long
sermon. rN
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

To DO easily what is difficult for others is
the mark of talent To do what is impos-
sible for talent is a mark of genius.-Amel.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

NJ L. THOMPSON & Co., Druggists, Cou
dersport, Pa, say Halps Catarrh Cure i.
the oest and only sure cure for catarrh they
ever sold. Druggists sell it, 75c.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

BEEcHAM's PILLS, the certain cure for Nj
iousness and sick headache, are pleasant, N,
coated and nice to take. Price, 25 cents cent|'
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
Judging by Appearances.

81 know why they call that bird an
auk." said Lester at the museum.
''Why?" asked his father.
Because it looks SO awkward" cried
Lester.-Harper's Young People.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

WHEN man talks into a telephone wb.,
he says goes.-Buffalo Courier.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

The Public Awards the Palm to Eo,o,
Honey OF Horehound and Tar for copr6,
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minnts
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04

HOUSEkEEPERS Nsoa We are Ct noM sn1' seiIias os1!
the celebrated Rogers silver spoons, in sets
of SIX, for Sc. 90; regular price, s4.25. In order
to convince you of the merits of these goods, we
will send yon set on receipt of S1.25, and when
you can send us the 70 cents balance Also six
knives and six forks to match, heavy silver
plate, for $3.50; regular price, $3.50. Goods sent
to your address, postage pre- paid. Remit postal
No. 855 West Lake Street Chicago, Ill
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
She Did tho Counting.

II always knew he was too timid to
propose"
s'But he married short time ago"
eyes; but he married a widow
Life
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
GAlyAN0-El ECTDlc RFeFYFRsToR Cure. ALL

restores iM taGOR. VITALITY. Eorra at rfg6f'
Medicines fai-THIS NEVER DflFSf ssr, ,sgs.s. .
psidfos ~ ~ ELECTRIC Co., Springfield, No.
Huntsville gazette., 1893-11-04
SLEEPLESSNESS,

and kindred ailments, whether resulting
from over anxiety, overwork or study, or
treated as speciality, with great success. by.
the Staff of Specialists attached to the
Invalids' Hotel and Surgical Institute at
Buffalo, N. Y. Personal examinations not
always necessary. Many cases are success
fully treated at a distance.
ACTuMA A new and wonderfully
hO LIMA. successful treatment has
been discovered for Asthma and Hav Eayar
which can be sent by Mail or Express.
1t is not simply palliative but a radical
cure.
For pamphlets, question blanks. refer
ences and particulars, in relation to anv
of the above mentioned diseases, address
with ten cents in stamps, Worlds Dispens,
Buffalo, N. Y.
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01

the like, il American observatories, but
has never felt the least inclination to
''emaucipate' herself. She is, indeed, the
most modest and retiring woman in the
world, and it was long before her friends
connected her with any achievement
more intellectual than music, in which
she and her sister are both exceedingly
accomplished. Miss Agnes Clerke was
chosen by the women's committee Of the
Chicago exhibition to select the scien
tifc books written by women-a post for
which she was admirably fitted both by
her scientific and literary knowledge and
her extremely just and gentle character.
Miss Clerke has the fluent pen, charac-
teristic of her nation, and her History
of Astronomy" can be read with pleasure
by persons quite ignorant of the subject.
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01

sky; one last thought Of wife and e g,
and home, and the column OF heroes y
charging down the slope upon the enc
my, charging down into the jaws OF cor
tain death. Hancock, in agony, turnes'
his head away to avoid the shock No
need here to recount the awful slaughter
of that charge. The world knows the re-
s,,lt. The precious moments were gained.
Gettysburg was saved and the wave OF
rebellion receded, never to rise again
But they did not perish. An inscrutaoie
Providence had decreed that few should
surviv J. Some of them are among us to
day-Lochren and Hefel6nger and Sher'
man and Marty and others-doing their
duty as private citizens, as simply and
faithfully as they did it graDdly that day
under the blazing July cum at Gettys-
burg.
At the conclusion of other short
speeches the resolutions were adopted oy
a rising vote, and on motion OF Mr.. Win
ston the record of the speeches was or
dered spread on the record and engrossed
copies to be sent to Judge Lochren and
to the president.
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01


lieious service was necessary ae ha1asel
would provide it. The clerical sbro 3 4.
listened but did not fully acoede to 7Oaps.
Mikes arrangement. and on the vesy
first Sunday out everybody was late e. g
Quarters. Capt. Mike inquired storniiy
what It all meant and learned that the
men had been detained at mathis. -
Mike Healy his brothers conduct was
little short OF mutinous, and Wnen Tho
priest came on deck. Mike lost no tune
il saying SO, aud in adding that only ns
cloth saved the brother from ohastiae-
ment. Mike owns that he ought 70 nave
known his brother better than 70 mahs
such threat, and that he was hardy
surprised when the priest answered:
"Never mind the coat. Mike, it you want
to try trouncing me-, come on OaPt.
Mike did not accept the challenge asa
he tells the story with evident apprecla-
zion of his brothers. grit.
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01
A Learned Irishwornan,

! The Actonian prize Of enc hundred
guineas has been awarded to Miss Agnes
! M. Clerke by the managers Of the Lon
don Royal Institution, for her works on
astronomy, as illustrative Of the wisdom
and benefcence Of the Almighty" Un-
like most prizes, the Actouian is awarded
without competition, and Miss Clerke
was ignorant Of it's existence until March
Z, when she was informed that at the
meeting of the Royal Institution, on the
preceding afternoon. it had been CON
farred upon her. Oddly enough, Sir
James Crichton Broome, M. D., who has
said and written so much on the inferior
brain power of the sex, presided on this
really interesting occasion. It is tri-
umph for all women, and especially the
Irish women and Catholics; for Miss Ag-
mes Clarke is of purely Irish descent, was
born near Skibbereen, and is devout
member of the Catholice church. Her
father, though Irish, held legal appoint
ment IN England, and for this reason his
family have for many years made their
home in London. Miss Agnes Clerke
however, has been great traveller, and
passed some years Of her early girlhood
in Italy. Later, after she had made as
tronomy her special study, she made
voyage to Cape Town, on the invitation
of the head of the Observatory there; and
yet more rece ntly she has been to the ex-
treme north and to Russia, in order to
enlarge ber experience Save for these
occasional absences, Miss Agnes Clerke
lives with her mother ard sister in
charming house in Radcliffe square, and
is Of too home-loving a disposition to
thoroughly enjoy her travels.
She has had several most pressing off
fers Of professorships, lectureships, and
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01
S E.. Olson & Co.'S

Millinery Parlors' Easter attractions
Take eevator.) For the spring season Of
1893 we will shpw some of the most ex-
q1isite creations in millinery to be seen
in the Twin Cities Note our beautiful
window displays. Compare the prices
and offerings given below with sther
houses and you will find they are sold
elsewhere at double these prices:
Fancy lining pins, Sc PR dozen.
Jet aigerettes, Sc per dozen.
Straw PLAQUES for IS, Csc each.
Handsome rose sprays, &c each.
Glazen sailors, CSC each,
Velvet pansies, Csc per dozen.
Wreaths for children's hats, 90 each.
Plaid ribbons, all colors, worth 40c per
yard, 1870.
Children's caps. 49c.
Confirmation wreatns, 19c.
Violets, &c, &c, ana 15c per dozen.
Buttercups, Sc per dozen.
s. f.. Olson & Co., 2132l5 Nicollet.
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01
Ironwood, Mich.
Special to the Irish standard.
Election day is drawing near.

Ironwood, Mich.
Special to the Irish standard
Election day is drawing near.
Div. No. l is growing steadily.
Div. No. will organize Hibernian
Rifle Company next week.
D. w. Nolan returned Thursday from
business trip to Detroit.
Bro. D. J. Shea is slowly recovering
from a severe attack OF bronchitis.
The St. Patrick's day celebration was
a great success, both socially and fnan-
cially.
The Catholic Benevolent Legion will
give their first annual ball at the Ar
mory Tuesday evening, April 18th.
The children of the parochial school
were enrolled in the soda]ity, Sunday
with very solemn and impressive cere-
monies by Rev Father Kehoe.
Ex-County Delegate, Dan Mullins, is
contemplating trip to the southern
part of the state in the near future. OF
course we are not supposed to know, but
Dan is of marriageable age. s.
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01

AN exchange relates the following
touching anecdote of Arch bishop Ire
land: At the battle of Corinth, fought
October 4, 1862, Colonel Kirby Smith of
the Add Ohio was mortally wounded. He
expressed desire for a chaplain, and
Colonel Henry T, Sumner. formerly of
Butler county, Kansas, but now of Guth-
rie, Oklahoma, went in quest Of one. He
could hear of but two clerg}men On the
feld-Dr. st. James Fry of the Metho-
dist church and Father John Ireland of
the 9Th Minnesota-and he conducted
Father Ireland to the dying man. A few
weeks since Colonel Sumner received a
letter from Archbishop Ireland, recalling
the incidents of the field of Corinth and
the death Of Colonel Smith, and saying
that, as he now goes about his great do
cese, he is ever and anon greatly moved
by meeting men whose faces now are
strange but who bring all the far past
before him with the words, IL saw you
in the army Such is the spirit Of the
man, fearless among the bravest on the
field of war, yet touched with the deep
est emotions of gentleness at the sight of
g long lost friend. Cordial and open in
his impulses, thoroughly in earnest in
his undertakings, chivalrous in his na-
ture, seeking the open field aud the light
of day in all his contentious for princi-
pl4, it was little wonder that the Holy
Father, with his remarkable penetration
and faculty for measuring the oalibre of
mind and soul of those with whom he is
brought into contact should be SO
with the American prelate of
the Northwest and shower upon him
such distinguished marks Of his regard
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01
AS Usual

There is no house in the Twin Cities that
is s'in it" with S. E. Olson & Co, when it
com es to making elaborate displays of
cloaks, jackets, wraps, capes, suits and
wrappers, and this season more than on
any previous occasion are they prepared
to undersell everybody legitimately in
the business. It stands to reason, there
fore. that purchasers should not pur-
chase until they have been to Olson's,
2l3-215 Nlcollet
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01
Made An Assignment.

J<sDAN, March %. Frank Nicolin, the
big miller, has made an assignment for
the benefit Of his creditors, naming Ger
hard Hilgers as assignee. The assets and
liabilities cannot be ascertained. Care
ful estimates Of liabilities, which include
an estimate Of 100000 bushels Of stored
wheat, make the liabilities about 8l2O, 600.
The assets will be about SIC, 600. The
Merchants National Bank 81 81. Paul Is
y the '' heaviest creditor, folding paper to
the amount of $50, OOO.
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01
Morris, MINI,
:iai to the Irish Standard

Special 10 the irish StaGuaAo.
H Pstrick's day was celebrated in an en-
ioyable manner by the children OF the
Gael in this town and vicinity. At 70
o'clock the members IT the A. O. H.
with L. Il. Newell as president, marched
. in body from their hall to the church
and were the exposures Of all eyes. Rev.
Father Gaskell preached an eloquent
sermon on the life and character of St.
4 Patrick, which was listened to with rapt
attention by large congregation. After
mass the Hibernians returned to their
hall where {. bcunti III repast was spread
to satisfy the cravings Of the inward
10 AZ. and it is needless to state that ample
Justice was done to the good things set.
before them. The young ladies had charge
sof the affair and acquitted themselves to
/ the entire satisfaction of their guests.
s5s In She afternoon every one repaired to
= hall where fine program was pre-
\ and Father GaskeH entertained
nee with another address. He
by Father Girard. Though
with English, he being a
address was quite inter-
~apturously applauded.
,xt favored the audi
=, ditty, Remember
a,u're Irish, = and received an en-
core when he sang with exquisite SWEET
B Ness Three Leaves of Shamrock. The
ID, lion OF the day was that OF s. Fla
1 hsrty It was a fine effort which drew
rtla bursts of applause during its de-
4 iysry b. q Brien read an or
s|SIs|E pusn 81 consld erable merit COM
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01

posed BY himself and proved that the
Irish bards are not all dead yet. He
was followed by H. G. Berry in speech
which showed his acquaintance with
Irish history. Mrs. j. S WEIGH sang "a
Handful of Earth" which Joe Murphy
would applaud had he been present. 1t
brought tears to the eyes of many in the
audience whose parents lie beneath the
shamrocks in Ireland. Mrs. M. J. Grit
fith and Miss Celia Gaughan gave recl
tations elicitipg hearty applause. Miss
Lizzie Ryan presided at the organ and
rendered some fine national airs. The
last address by VIM. Logue was in refer
ence to Home Rule. The cornet band
was present and gave selections at inter
walls during the entertainment.
The Irish standard., 1893-04-01
Hastings.
Special to The Irish Standard.

Mrs Brown, wife Of Ed. P Brown, Of
this city, died last Wednesday of pneu-
monia after. brief Illness. She was
known by almost everyone here and
greatly respected by all. At the time of
her death Mrs. Brown was but twenty
nine years of age. Much sympathy is
felt for her husband in his sad bereave-
ment