Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1893-07-09
SHE SWALLOWED 1T.
" Aunt Dinah" Loses Her Nickel
In a Singular Way.
SWEET SUMMER RETREATS.
An Ideal Place for Suffering Humanity.
The Negro and the Mule Both
Drank wbiskey.

Were you ono of tho 5000 perspiring un-
fortunates who stood near the crab-npple
tree at Forest Hill Park on the afternoon
of the Fourth and struggled to catch that
poor, solitary. little street-car, which
was your only hope OF getting back
TO Richmond Did you enter that
squirming. wriggiing mass which fought
and scratche! its way TO the con-
veyance IN vRin2 Or, were you one
OF tho lucky seventy who managed 10
cling on TO the groaning vehicle? II you
belong TO the latter class you had better
go and hold the baby or smuse yourset
fighting the flies OF the butter, tor my
story CT is a true ono) will DO chest-
nut" TO you. The tale tell Is meant as q
peace-ofering 20 the 4:g5O people Wuo
made the aV blue with their anatue-
mas and fin; ly concluded to celebrate
American Indepep dence by hoohng 1t back
TO the city. Yes dear sun-burnt frlen1s,
Won envied us Of the fortunate seventy,
but you know not what we suffered. You
underestimate the ayolrdupols OF the man
who perched himself upon the cereals
which lie hidden in INV russet shoes ana
YOU do not properly appreciate the
us had eaten; neither do you recall tho
fact that when a man accidentally upsets
n bottle of tea upon your cloths, you
are unfit to appear IN polite society ior
several weeks. These were some OF the
difficulties we encountered in that crowd
cd car, and for my part, freely confess
that | made use of words which would
have shocked the seven bright, fdgety
little boys who comprise my Sanday-schOol
class.
There was only one genial person on tho
car-an old colored woman, VINO upped
the scales at $50. and was as black as the
lot ornaments which adorn the snowy
throat OF your Dulcina. In the mad
struggle for seats she pushed forward
with centTe-rush gait and conquer
ing by her tonnage procured the forty
elgnt inches of space, which she suDse-
duently enjoyed to such an unusual de,
gree. As / saw this airy, fairy Lillian
putting forward like a steam-locomotyel
thoupbt OF Shakespeares words, 20,
frallty. thy name is woman and heayed
an immense sigh out Of the window
in the direction Of Manchester. The bulky
specilnon OF burnt-sienna feminlnlty was
profoundly grateful when she had settled
her ponderOus carcass on the Dench, ana
she thanked her Maker most profu5ely TOR
the presence of His guiding hand when
:
cubic feet of personal appearance y ana
won her way 10 the front. The passengers
all hated themselves. for smiling when.
unon the approach Of the conductor, tho
corpuIeut sister" took out her nickel
md put it in her mouth, but they could
not help IT. Dozens of voices called Tor
transfers" as the white capped oihcial
fighting his way like u batterlng-ram
through tho crowd IL search for
n
one as uncomfortable az possible;
and excitement reigned supreme: Old
Aunt Duah was so much absorbed that
when the conductor unexpectedly raped
her on the back she gave terrific start:
Her massive fancs flew wide open, ana
then-O, horror OF horrors the passen-
GERS heard that dull and sIckening thud
SO often described IN the newspapers.
A,ult DiHoh had s,raIo,ced her fare. Down,
down. down-gOodness only. knows
where-it won't. Like the nickel IN tho
slot. It was gone forever. while from the
cayernous depths of the sable dame came
tho significant words, " Oar, done swal-
lowed the fare"
The passengers roared with laughter,
bnt the cUlored sister was IN sore distress.
That Ili-fate1 hye-csnt piece was the only
money she had and tho conductor, with
the ohe'inacv which soma people dl'p.ay
even on the most ludlcrous occasions, per-
sisted in being paid. Finally a good
hearted chap furnished the requisite cash
and the difficulties ot the sltuation-or
rather the difficulties Of everythIng's sItua-
ton except tho missing nickel--were over
come.
Tho equilibrium Of Aunt Dinah's inn
mense avoirdupois was instantly restored
and the rest Of the journey was PLAIN sail
ing.
Everybody has noticed the affinity ex-
isting between the negro and the mule.
The two have been comrades from time
immemorial, and when this great world Is
no more they will roll off the earth to-
eether. Side by side they will plod their
wav through purgatory, and together tney
will rejoice in the Elysian fields. A few
days ago the pedestrians on Main street
saw a singular and most ridiculous eXhlbl-
ton of this friendship between the EtAlo-
plan and the long-eared beast OF burden;
The darky was IN most happy state OF
exhilaratlOn-iu other words, he was
drunk-wh,le the mule was IA sober as
temperance lecturer. and IN no way par
took of his masters enjoyment. Inc
duskv charioteer was armed with an I'M
mense bottle of tire-water, and ever
and anon he poured three fingers OF
the stimulating juice into his anatomy.
Richmond grew red before his vision as he
absorbed the life giving fluid, but the ash
nine specimen maintained the most pen
sive mir. end the fsr-away LOOK IN the
whites Of his eyes Indicated that he dreamed
of nobler things and thought not OF his
drivers conduct. Suddenly the ebon
baccnanalian, in the midst of his fun be-
thought himself of his fOur-legged friend,
and with most commendahle generosity
1 4 ~ hAl "a hnftta
to the mouth of the sober brute. Tho
mule smacked h!s lips with u" don t.care;
if.I-do" air. winked tho other eye" and
swallowed the spirits, after which tho
darky took another pull. This amusing
act was repeated every few minutes Tor
several squares, and seemed hlghly salts
factory TO all the parties concerned. The
mule. however, carried his lag" far bet
ter than his master. and showed by his
domeanor that there was always room
for more" The funny part about 1t all
was that the negro, with Chesterheidlan
courtesy, always allowed the mule 10 have
the first "pull." The mans generosity, by
the wav, reminds me of a very. similar act
OF courtesy L once heard of. An aged
eolored couple mad been united IN the holy
bonds of matrmony by a white preacher,
and after the final words OF the ceremony,
the minister, noticing the coquetish pont
on the lips OF the chocolate-unted wite,
turned TO the groom and said; Salute
vonr bride" The old darky who had
thus possessed himself of the treasure IN
mahogany, with Unborn Gallantry: slowly
faced the parson and waving oil his own
desires, said After you, master"
Summer has como. / do not make this
statement because think any of my read
ers are too idiotic to have observed the
fact, but simply for rhetorical effect. Yes,
Il is here in its most aggravated form, and
il there were any way of tying tin-canto
the tail of the dog star and getting this
pestiterous canine co9nstellation to move
on. | anu sure would be the first TO pro-
mnlqate the scheme. / merely call atten-
ton to the tact in order to remind the pub
lie that it is time to leave Richmond to
depart to cooler climes and shady, bug
freouented seats. Hasten, dear friend. to
put your bathing suit in your vest
pocket and TO conceal your tooth
brush in the brandy you always carry
for strictly medicinal purposes. The
moments are heeting and summer