Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1893-09-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

When man is generous to fault,
il is never one of his wife's Chicago
nterOcean.
People speak of the face of note,
when it's really the figure that inter-
ests them. Sparks.
A small boy says if time is made of
days and nights, it must be striped like
q circus zebra. Puck.
1t is contended that there is nothing
in name, and yet about all one has is
in it. Galveston News.
The man who strikes for shorter
hours is always willing to except the
one allowed for dinner. Puck.
Independence is the inclination to
mind ones own business, combined
with the ability to do so.-Puck.
A grent deal of repentance nowadays
is done in broadcloth and ashes of
roses, instead of sackcloth and ashes.
Texas Siftings.
No girls musical education is con-
sidered complete these days until she
can sing as if she were having her teeth
11ODe.
A correspondent wants to know if it
is ''the correct thing to eat shad with
a fork only" 1t would be safer to eat
it with sieve. Statesman.
The chappie of to-day is the old.
fashioned dude dipped in little de-
pravity. He has just brains enough to
be nuisance. Texas Siftings
She--''How do you suppose the apes
crack the hard shells of the nuts they
pick" He-"With monkey wrench,
of course. American Hebrew.
Alas for the story OF gloom
That chases chill through the blood;
He starts with wonderful boom
And concludes with slckening thud.
Washington Star.
The peck of trouble we hear so much
about, if handled properly, could be
easily gotten into a quart measure
without knocking the bottom out
Puck.
Struckile-"I am beginning to think
that ones ancestors are important. 1"
Miss Mclean Eyes, they come under
the head, Important, if true. -
Vogue.
No matter how finely the display
window of store may be fitted up,
the pretty young lady clerk will always
prove unter-attraction. Rochester
Democrat.
You have all seen the little thimble.
sized after dinner coffee cups, that are
so awkward to handle; we'll. that's the
size of most mems cup of joy.-Atchi'
son Globe.
Johnny-"Mamma, can't you tell me
a new fairy story?" Mrs Braggs-"I
don't know any, Johnny. Maybe your
father will tell me some when he comes
in tonight. Bulletin.
"Here, mamma, is the clock-key.
Will that do?" "Do for what?'
"Why, for you. heard you saying
while ago that you were ell run
down. Rochester Democrat.
Little slots for nickels.
Open-mouthed but dumb,
Gives the jawious schoolgirl
Wads Of chewing gum.
Detroit Free Press.
A woman will face frowning world
and cling to the man she loves through
the most bitter adversely; but she
wouldn't wear a bonnet that was out
of fashion to save the Government.
Tit-Bits.
Husband-"Can't I help you pack
that trupk?" Experienced Wife
eyes, you can help me immensely by
going straight in town to your office
and leaving me to pack it as see fit. ;"
-Somerville Journal.
''ls Sir Robert Paulton very tiny
man, mammal" inquired little Maud
earnestly. "No, my dear, not very.
Why do you ask?" because father
says he's to sit on your right hand a.
dinner tonight. Funny Folks.
Boys" said the teacher, 1--WE mus,
all work in this world. Did any OF
you ever get something for nothing?"
"Yes," replied every boy in the room.
"What ?" asked the teacher in rurprise.
"a lickin'," wss the reply. New York
Tribune.
"You understand, Betty" said the
mistress, "that we are to move out OF
this house the first of next month";"
eyes m, !" answered Betty. 'I've been
sweepin' all the dirt into the registers
Tor the past three weeks. Chicago
Tribune.
Hicks-'Iook at Gaddingsl He has
sat listening to Miss Pedalpounder play
that piano for over an hour. Thought
you told me that Gaddings wasn't fond
of music" Wicks-"He isn't. Blu,
he's just daft on athletics. "--Bostor
Transcript.
"No, sir" said the milkman, 81 am
not going to have the sin ON my head
of injuring any one by giving impure
milk I have had the water in my
we'll analyzed and it is bad The well
wants to be cleaned ont, the analyst
says, and I'm going to have it cleaned
put, eu1 don't yol forget it. Boston
Courier,