Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1893-11-11
THE AMERICAN FATHER
Discovered at Last 10y a European
Amid Great Rejoicing.


Amid Great Rejoicing.
Adam in Paradise. dear Lady Betrr
discovered Eve; Eve discovered Origin.
al Sin; and Christopher Columbus dis
covered America
These are three critical cpochs in
human history
1t his been reserved for me to esab.
lish the fourth. says a correspondent
Of London Truth | have discovered
the American father
For a quarter of IA century now Eur.
ope has been oyer-run with American
visitors, The type is a very familiar
ones
There is The American mother
stout, sclfsuffGient, peripatetic
Grande Dame with all the polish of the
Palace-of Varieties.
The American daughter pcerlessly
beautiful. sinsularly fascinating
fabulously wealthy (by repute), ana
arociously artificial
The American younger daugher-a
precocious hobbledehOy. with not the
very faintest symptom of coming good
looks.
But never a father.
Wherever it may be, whether in Paris
or in London, at Rome or ON the
Riviera. The American father is con.
spicuous by his obstinate absence.
There is never even q photograph of
him His existence is generally sug.
gcsted to us through a serious of III
suppressed signs. He is an incurable
dipsomaniac, who has wreCe ed the
American mothers life.
, American fathers must be fendishly
wicked
was sitting in Rotten Row one
afternoon IN last week reyeling in the
farewell fayors Of the splendid summer
when a stranger srolled up and set
tied himself upon the chair next to
mine lie was Of a communicative dis
position, and we soon became laxative
We spoke of many things; we discussed
the weather, the attractions Of London,
the limited monarchy, Mr. Gladstone,
and the projected abolition Of tao
House of Lords
We'll, stranger said my neighbor,
with that musical tWang which is SO
decided an improvement upon our old
world pronunciation, you must under
stand that / regard this measure from
an absolutely DISTINGUISHED point Of
view ] am an American father. ..."
With ycll Of triumph I bounced
from my Chair and, clutching the
creature 10y the throat, Kissed through
my teeth Man, you lie.'
1t was a terrific moment | gradually
Gained down, when he very generously
proved to me that his assertion was
correct O.
1t is impossible of course, to describe
my feelings. The excitement of a life
time were crowded into a short period
/ felt like the naturalist who should
chance upon a live dodo.
Sir" l asked, tell me as man
now-and pray excuse any apparent
discourtesy-are you an incor1igible
dIunkard:'
He assured me that this was not in
any way the case,
"IIayc you ruined the middle-aged
hopes, hlighted the D'tddle-aged life,
crushed the gentle spirit Of your devOt-
ed and inconsolable wife
He smiled curiously
DO you or do you not belong TO one
Of the First Families of American"
well, don't precisely know" he re-
7.1fn I
she cmigrated to the state did do char
j ing for your first families over here.
Is it to this that YOU refer
( Man l continued, "do not trifie!
This is memorable moment Is your
daughter fabulously richY'
The surprise this time was altogether
upon his side Starting up, he said,
What! my jamie richG Well, l am
right glad to hear of it, and 1 hope
she will spare her poppa a dollar or two
10 pun along with, for l tell it to you
+ straight, stranger, that l am about as
dead broke as they make them
+ The shades of evening were rapidly
closing in, the autumn dew was settling
upon the grounu. the yellow gold lights
Of the lamps In London We're casting
warmth upon the cold grey street, and
cabs and carriages were fitting along
Piccadiuy, bearing skillfully undressed
women to dinner or to the play, when
tearing. myself from the American
father-by the way l handed him half
a sovereign; it was a bad one-I hurried
back to the club with all the feyerish-
ness of accomplished greatness upon
me
Adam Christopher Columbus
and 1.-THE four epoch-maldng dis
covercrS in the long life of human
history,