Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1893-03-12

How Ihey Will hftt1 IN 1oCts
Ircsard the present date rs the climax al
fashion Ia dress While IL has taken several
hundred years TO work up TO il, the decline
viii he far more rapid Man has simply
been Eoaded TO point OF desperation, and
change il bound 70 occur. l have already
given an order on the downward slide and
in n couple OF weeks shall appear IA a
pioneer in the new movement We shall
not only restore the dress Of our great
grandfathers before we stop. but run the
costumes OF Adam and Eve pretty close
shave.
Man wears too much cloth, and that
cloth Is cut up into too many shapes The
100000 men Of tho United States are
wearing an average OF twenty buttons each,
making 100000 buttons for all, esti-
mated to weigh 100000 pounds Five
buttons can be made 10 answer every pur-
pose. even at this day. Fifty years hence
the number will be reduced to two or thrse
pieces Of fishiine. or tarred rope may he
made 10 answer every purpose My great
grandfather used horse nails In place OF
buttons, and I don't begin to DO as rich,
handsome and healthy as he was
Collars. cuffs, neekties. starched shirts,
sleeve buttons and underwear are OF mol
ern origin The idea Of the inventors was
10 keep down the population by making
man kill his fellow man, and IL has been u
succesA Darius, the great ard wise king
of Persia never had a shirt in his seventy
two years of life. and don't propose to set
myself up a. being heap better man than
old Darius. There Il no record that George
Washington ever even saw q suit Of fan
nels. and yet he managed to wallop the
British and hold down the White House to
the general satisfaction Of the country.
Not one Of the pilgrim father. landed In
this country with socks On his feet or col
lars and tails on his coat Any artist who
puts ooatfails on pilgrim father ought to
be sent to Jail for his ignorance. Those
things were not only accounted as superf.u-
Gus. but positively unhealthy. The coats
were failiess and coliariess, and one wooden
button was considered all that was neces-
sary. Are we any healthier than the I'LL
grim fathers, Can we nun faster, jump
higher or stow away more corned beef and
cabbage az q dinaers
Hannibal never had q sock on bis foot.
He never saw a vest. Had man come
fooling around him with q starched shirt
therc would have been a sudden deash.
Had lie been told that tho day would come
when n civilized being would have to buy
at least three two shilling neckties per year
10 BE- In the swim he would have called
that man linr and horse thief. Am a
better man than HannibaIf Can I have
tie cheek 70 characterize him as a siop
shop dresser
Woman will keep right on until every
one of her suits c,ssts million dollars apiece.
but HAL ~ hound Ia return to the siinpllci.
y 81 Biblical days. Sandals. toza and a
cheap straw hat viii replace the costumes
how worn. Saudels win strike Us Is rath-
e. cool Tor January. and togss and straw
hats viii bother VS. some AZ first witt a
blizzard whooplrg around. but In time the
change viii gise general satisfaction. and
We WILCOX back Ia Contempt and disgust
upon the costumes. Il today. My straw hat
ard sandals are finished. and nay togA T. to
be sent home nnxt week How they viii
take Il along Brozs.wly l. more than I can
tell. but some ono must pioneer the way.
ard shall fali-to be remembered md
blessed. ~ QUAD.