The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-10-22
THE OLD ssrr1Hn.
The Sheriff Comes Back from the cJ,,,,
Fair. ard They Have mn Eveptrr


Fair. and was telling OF all the wonders he hat
seen. His description OF the sights OF tn,
| White City was listened to by the boys at tn,
tavern with open mouths and bullying eyes
| Whom he described. almost in whisper. the
things he had seen at the Midway Plaisance
among others the Oriental dances, even the
landlord got up and exclaimed:
"Thundorl But 1 wsht I'd ben there
shurn"
And tho Squire moved about in his chail
and said:
:" 1t beats all! I'll bate II them folks d come
here an do anything O. that kind they'd soon
get ducked UP yender in the mill pond! An
var seen it. did ye. Shurr :"
Yes" replied tho Sheriff. Var bet l dldp'
Thunder" exclaimed the landlord. going
behind the bar and taking four fingers OF the
best. But wisht I'D ben therer'; go,
But the Old Settler sat in his chair without a
word. His lips were compressed and he looked
straight ahead into vacancy, He was listen.
ing. but nothing the Sheriff talked about in
his two hours verbal panorama OF the Worlds
Fair seemed to be OF any moving interest to
him. At last. when the Sheriff had exhausted
his subject and himself and ceased talking.
the Old Settler came out OF vacancy. He
showed his hat to tho back OF his head and,
turning to the Sheriff. said:
Them things is all right or fur ez they 60.
but who winned the four mute race fer hosses
bred in the county 7"
Tho Sheriff was dazed. It was some time
before he could mako reply.
Why Major" said he. they didn't have
any four-minute race for horses bred In the
county. You see"
An were the double-headed calf alive. or
only list stuffed?" said the Old Settler. cutting
the Sheriff short
well. Major" the Sheriff began. "the fact
is"
AN wat were the heft o the prize punkin p"
said the Old Settler. waving the Sheriff or
Il didn't see any prize pumpkin. Major"
said the sheriff. resignedy.
Did the Teller with the tame bar hev him
on him 7" asked the Old settler.
don't think there was any trained bear on
the grounds, said the sheriff
Whose OF woman got the four-shil'n prize
Ter the best cider apple sass?" unrelentingly
tho Old Settler went ON.
gu don't seem to understand, Major"
at: or didn't ye notice y
Who kstehed the creased pig. an wat did
they give him Ter doin' efitT
any ns At tH Wh{ Major there wasn't
Who had the best rooty bagies. an wat
were the shown ez to mouse-nose Eaters ?"
Who spoke the piece bout the best way to
shet out smiles in sheep. an how to cure
The subjects weren't mentioned, Major"
An how did the pullin' match 'twixt the
team 9, HOSES an the yoke o steers suit the
see here. MAJOR! They didn't have any Of
those things out there! None OF Thorn p
.h nne GA Settler was silent for while. and
10 Pidn I unnde5stan We to say that yed ben
sCertainiy. The Worlds Fair"
yc m4e pair lien hearin SO much about fer
Yes. There's only one"
y, An ones enough. b'Gosh" exclaimed tho
Old settler Folks must lost all their grit.
n Icva. to stand being t92k in SO. without
they'd done in the Sugar Swamp deestric' If
they'd gone to one O. the fairs they usety hev
to get in. they was told that tina want gonter
be no four-ninute race fer hosses bred ia the
e@up ni, An that ths fair hadn't creased
s,ulred3 An that PATCHWORK auiltin we're
want on the bills An that they want taxi
IA no stock in prize punkins. or in rooty-
bba aC or In monsein9se taters. an that the
o steers Gosht mighty. shurif! The folks
o. sugar swamp d riz upez one man. b'gosh!
They'd ripped down. tents. an. they'd a
to hs yuS hss fGas
b gosh. where the whangdoodle mourneth Tor
her young! W nat! A fair without no four
fair without no double headed calf! But say.
ShurfI., yer foolin'. hain't yet Tina must n ben
Not one Major"
Not even stuffed oneW
Not even a stuffed one"
Then. sir. b'Gosh. no wonder the kentry is
totterln! fail, where thn's a lot o heathen
gals from Alerky or lnJy or some'rs else
cloe s. dancin' an wigElin an cavortin an
no iour; minute boss trot Ter hosscs bred IN the
backed calneIs cnawin hay an ann Nc do uIio
headed calf. PommyRranils from the dessert
sles. spect. an not u durn rooty-bagy
rom Sugar swamp nor nowheres else! Man.
ny from the Gypsum wildernest. mobile. an
not sight nor IL smell of a mouse-nose 'tatcr
"eseryes, put ,up; s'pose. in all the languages
ha /. under the blue canopy o heaven. an not
y m, much az pint o good ol-iashloned cider
lhink .agin. Shurn! Didn't ye see one some'rs.
'ye9 II 1t were stuck way Off in one corner o.
me Don't seem to me ez If they could he a
ar that ddnt hey no d?uble-headsd cali
'heriil. There was no double headed calf
=, :. Then. Exclaimed ne Old settler. that |
'ack tina 1t won't git over. b'goshtlmighty.
er IGrty yer r not i ,hey fetch over evry gal
III ha hanS du ihY e az .S
vhen fairs begins to give double headed calls
he h go,oy IN this kentry. ShurG, agricultur'
hey had Il root-h'istin' tushwobbler out
heref Thn's some hope fer agricutur' it
hey had one o them root h'istln tushwo,,s
lers at the Fair, They had SO many durn
rom ev,ry h2Ie an corner o the 'arth. 'cordin'
0 your tell that they must a had a tush-
'obbler An /. they, had y tushwobbler.
curse they must a had II flock O. bibsnooks.
he tushwobbler can't git along without the
ibsnooks, no more'n tho bibsnooks KIN eit
long without tho tushwobnler | hope ye
tuhhwDlllar
ow. Shurf. with its flock q binsnooks. at RI.
air. lfye did. agricultur' may git over It VII.
lid yef
The sheriff seemed to be too much amazed
, answer tho old Settler. and tho latter re-
umed his subject.
Tina want nuthin." said he." ezgive Young
in tho lust days o the sugar
wamp dee.tric' n bigger shove forrid thnn
10 root n istin' tushwohhicr But he were an
ncommun curious crIttcr an showed how
atur' usety lay herself out. b'Gosh, to make
rings handy fer sugar Swami. The root
istin' tushwohbler. were twcnty-seven loot
ing. not couniin' his, nose which were nine
,"?t l0nig, made q horn harHyrn iron.
~ or u crowbar He were shaped e'2ac'ly
10 n seegar. an his eyes an his ears was sot
n ia lnH a wi ~ |