Morning journal and courier., 1893-04-06

more than the street-csr mules whose ears
waved disconsolately at half mast in the
dismal tempest that always accompanies
Inauguration day.
The change of administration has al
ready given fresh and mighty impetus to
the he and she slop-gushers and tsffy-
daubers who masquerade as journalists
and press correspondents at Washington,
and the papers all over the country are
flooded with their indiseriminate and nau
seating puffery of all sorts and conditions
of male and female official cattle at the
national capital. Their literary monstros-
tiles are wrought out with titanic white
wash brushes dripping with commingled
sorghum molasses and gaudY -colored paint.
Their style is bad cross between con-
fectionery shop and a soavenger cart, with
a sick aurora borealis and paroxysm of
Mysteries thrown In.
There are masculine grinders s-out of
journalistic todyism and hunkeyism in
Washington whose fulsome effusions are
enough to give any well-regulsted citizen
An attack of green and d-ysllow sessickness
at sight. The scent of free lunch cham
payne and vulgar humbug gerry clings to
all their work. The trail of the serpent
of servile fawning and bamboozlement is
over 1t all. But the worst of them Is an
Addisonian model of newspaperial dignity
and propriety compared with most of their
feminine colaborers in the bogus-panegyr-
ic, fraudulent-greatness and counterfeit
grace e-and-beauty trade.
In the scribbling hands of these annihi-
lators of truth, decency, common sense
and all the possibilities, every gold plated
boor and rapscallion who has bought him
self stye in the senate: every pothouse
shyster slum divekeeper and crossroads
blatherskite WHO has been sentenced to
two years in the house, and every political
dirty worker, ward heeler and scrap beg
ger who has had an Office of any kind or
degree let down in reach of his unclean
clutches becomes at once giant of state
craft and patriotism, a Colossus of ability,
grace and virtue, and a thousand fsmbeau-
power calcium light and eighty-ton Kohl
moor of dazzling brilliancy-too majestic,
too glorious, too Respondent for mortal
contemplation without q stepladder and
smoked glass speotsoles. ANY one of
them would split the moulds in which
were cast Alexander. Cssar, Demosthenes,
Cicero and Cato, Washington, Jefferson,
Webster, Clay and Ignstius Donnelly all
combined in one, and leave over enough of
mightiness and illustriousness to make q
score or two of Gladstones, Bismsrcks,
Garibaldis and Ananisses.
Every frowsy and uncouth Mrs. Secrets-
~ Neverheardof, Mrs. Senator Geehoggins,
Ars. Representative Flapdoodle, Mrs
Judge Nincompoop, Mrs. General Camp
followers, and Mrs. Superintendent-of
Cuspidors Fiiz-Lickspittle blaIes forth as
peerless paragon of trsnscendent beauty
and accomplishments. Her costumes-in
all probability made by some backwoods
dress carpenter, with the taste of q saw
mill hsnd-sre more gorgeous than impe-
rial robes, and the dazzle of her Jewels
Rhine stones and psste-smites sll behold
ers with paralysis of the eyes and uphesv-
al of the diaphragm She never speaks
less than dozen Languages, any of them
| more fuently and correctly than she does
her own; and the rich, nellifuous accent
of the wsshtub and the cook stove, which
fingers on her tongue, has q Psrisisn
| witchery ell it's own. Her bearing Is regal
and her smiles winning enough to pull up
the paving stones on the side streets. Her
/ painting would turn Raphael green-eyed
| with impotent envy, and at her singing all
i the skylarks of heaven hush twittering
and take to the woods. Compared with
her, Juno, Hebe and the Venus de Medici,
the Queen of Sheba, Cleopatra, the Mother
of the Gracchi. Elizabeth, Mary of Argyle,
De Stael and Dolly Madison would have
| nothing left to do but to pull their blue
themselves out for scrub women to q char
ity hospital or dairy-maids to q flock of
billygoats.
And every silly, simperiDg, giggling,
tow-headed, white -eyebrowed and freokled
faced, lanky, slab sided, eangling, gawky
daughter of a pro-tempore grandee, q two
or four year big -panjsndrum, blooms ou,
as the rare and radiant incarnation of all
terrestrial and celestial loveliness, q queen
of the fairies, q sister of the angels, with
the seraphio strawberry mark on hel
matchless left arm. Her tallowy complex
ion is fair as the petal of an spple bios
som, or the inner lining of q deep ses
shell. Her hair is the spun floss of ever
lasting sunshine. Heavens own entrsn,
cling blue is in her soulful eyes. Her un
calmly fgure-looking, perhaps, like her.
ring box on two tobacco sticks-is the
exquisite perfection of a sculptor's divin,
eat dream Her manners blend the digai.
ty of duchess with the freedom and af
fability of barmsid; and her converse.
tion Is a marvellous and enchanting min.
Cling of the profundity of Dutch uni
versity with the wit Of the whole Eliza
bethan age, the poetry of Burns, Byron
Moore and "the sweet singer of Michi
gan." all melted into one golden chalic,
of liquid melody, and the tender senti
ment of earth and heaven meeting in 6
rapt, divine, ecstatifying embrace.
Bshi All this, and columns on col
umns more of such irredesmable idiocy
and trash, such ineffable slush and rot
day after day, the whole winter long
the whole year round, the whole quad
rennial through, about a few hundred
ordinary American politicians, and thei
wives and daughters-some of them real
ly good-looking, clever and charming peo
pie; but by far the greater part of then
commonplace to the last degree In appear
| N in tai a.
achievements, and not q few of then
ignoramuses and blaokguards. There ar
criminals and men under aliases In tn
] senate; there are barkeepers and hoodlum
and freaks in the house; the bench hold
judges who should be playing checker
with their noses on the grasings of q cell
and secretaries, even when spelled with
big S. are only clerks.
As for the hsekneyed phrase, ssbsautifu
and accomplished, as uaed by these cap!
| toline dabblers In ink and vulgar tsffy, 4
means less than nothing. "Acconplished
. women are not as scarce as honest and In
dependent public men; but IL La doubtful
whether, In all the worlds sixteen hundre.
, millions OF people to-day, . hundred VIC
men could be found whom any competen
judge would pronounce "beautiful.r
have seen nearly every famous woman O
my day, and / have never seen more tha
dozen who were beautiful. There AZ
msny-thank Godi very many-who n
. excsedingly pretty, gloriously handsom,
= ! bewitchingly lovely and enchanting wC
: men, but few In any age of the world VII
: rise to the sublime standard of the beaut
y full 1t is the highest word In our languap
descriptive of personal love1fness. II
t the ne-plus-ultra of pulohritude. A
earth and heaven together can boast notl
d ing that 10 more than beautiful II is ran
s-ss------~asii.a-s--s-ls~s