Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1893-03-30
EYENIsG reno RS.

1t is an odd fact that the duties Of
most missionaries are TO go 10 the bad.
-QWips
The highway Of virtue is so little FREE
quented THAT collisions are rare 1Gfas
SJttngs
A Bootless Attempt. TO get upstairs
without being heard BY your wife
1eras SJttagS.
A live canvasser may make the sue
cess of a publication a dead certainty"
boston Courier.
A quarter in the pocket will buy more
groceries than a dollar somebody owes
you RAMS Horn.
A tirst-class medium is always sure
of cabinet position, no matter what
his politics may be.-inter. Ocean.
1t is odd that the cyclone leaves so
much ruin behind when it carries every
thing before it, Philadelphia Times
A great social upheayal may be ac-
complished by hoy taking his first
chew of tobacco = Ct6geIdad Pain Dealer.
Miss Nugget-"Would you have
loved me had been poor?" Mr.. Argo-
naut--'I should never have known you,
darling r-Puck.
"Why do you call your mule Time
Uncle Jasper" "kase you got to get
i'm by the forelock to stand any show
Indianapolis Journal.
"My sweetheart is neither beautiful
nor young" said Downes; "but she is
as good as gold. "Ah! Its the gold
you're after!" said Bigbee. " Tit, Bits.
Loves very funny thing" said
Molle. There's always enough Of it
for everybody, even if it's all used up
before everybody comes. "-Proeideace
Journal
Dick (translating into French. Say
Tom, what is the French Of war horse
Tom-Why, er@hors de Combat, l
think La0,poon.
Mother-"My dear, you'll have 10
chop some wood, and bring up the
coal" Father-"Where is son John Z"
Mother-"Hes gone to the athletic
club. Good Neps.
She-"Eou are always sneering at
women who talk too much. Are you
hitting at me?" He-"Not at all. There
are lots Of women besides you who talk
too much. Terra SJItags.
Bosom Friends What do you say to
the young barrister's making me an offer
of marriage?" "Just what | expected.
When Tilted him he swore he would
do himself an injury Plduderecke.
He fell in crossing o'er the street
In the Shiny wagon paths;
- know" he said as he gained his feet
"Whatthey mean by free public baths
Chicago NerS Record
81 say, Davie,' said one boy to an
other in a Scottish town, 'tour meenister
wus visitin us last nicht." "Fat! wis
he really?" was the reply. "Our meen-
lister disna come an see us until we're
deid."
Mo.her-"My daughter, I'm aston
ished at your conduct with that gentle
man. distinctly heard him kiss you
twice." Daughter-"Nonsen ma.
You know very we'll the conservatory
has an cho."--LJe.
Purely Ornamental Questions. Shop
ping Woman-Have you any silks at S.
yard Clerk essum. Shopping
Woman--And any others at SO yard
| Clerk Yessum. Shopping Woman
Well, want some at $3.50 Chicago
News Record
Judge-"Why did you not return the
EVENING"" Defendant-''It was too
late" Judge-Why, then, did you not
deliver it in the morning." Defendant
-"No use; nothing left in it."-F2ie-
gGnd6 B,atter.
Coffson-"I don't see why we can't
| find policeman occasionally in this
neighborhood when we want him."
Coles-"Hum-are you bothered by the
saloons! 7" SALOONS? There isn't one
within mile of us" "Well, that's
why. Chicago Tribune.
Worse and Worse. Minks-My wife
no sooner reaches Florida before the
doctor there orders her north, and as
| quick as she gets home our doctor here
orders her back to Florida. Jinks--
Hum! ! see how 1t is. The railroad
combine has consolidated with the doc
tors trust.-Rer York Weekly.
Papa, dear said the old mans testy
daughter as she bent fondly over him
during his last illness, "forgive me for
asking you, but what are you going to
leave your darling daughter when you
die 2" "Fatherless y cried the irascible
| old gentleman as he rolled over with
his face to the wall. - eEaS Siiftings.
A Conservative So you are opposed
| 10 tne State universities, en- es.
said Mr.. Wayback, 81 am. This here
thing Of payin' out good State money
TO cddicate lot O. dudes SOS they will
be swart enough some day TO beat my
boys outen their farms after am gone,
don't agree with my notion of things at
all. HdiaHdpolis Journal.
The eminent entertainer and song
| nd-dance man had Just got off his little
Joke about taking bath once every year
whether he needed il or not" but no
one laughed. The eminent entertainer
felt hurt. 81 guess said he, "that
ought to have raised the limit in this
town. suppose We make it once in five
years. Now, do you see the point -
Indianapolis Journal
A Man for Whom the World Has
Been Waiting.-City Editor Ito new re-
porterI--I'ye got 70 send man TO write
up ship-launehng. Have you had
any experience in that line? New Re-
portcr-No, sir; but think | could
write it up without saying that "lilSe a
thing of life the noble vessel glided
swiftly into It's native element. City
Editor-You'll -LHtcqgo Tribune