Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-10-12

"fQ UdS SttLUtplIg ON u Wttb BtS DOOtS
mo, Pa has not got religion enough to
hurt yet, but he has got the symptoms.
he has joined the church on prowbation
and is trying to be good so LIE can get in
the church for keeps. He said it was
hell living the way he did, and he has got
me to promise to go to Sunday school.
He said if didn't he would maui me 80
my skin wouldn't hold water.
"You see, Ma said Pa had got to be on
trial for six months before he could get
in the church, and if he could get along
without swearing and doing anything
bad he was all right, and we must try
him and see if we could cause him TO
swear. She said she thought a person
when they was on prowbation ought
to be martyr and try and overcome all
temptations to do evil, and If Pa could
go through six months of our home life
and not cuss the hinges off the door he
was sure of.a glorious immortality be-
yond the grave. She said 1t wouldn't be
wrong for me to, continue to playinno-J
cent jokes ON Pa, and If he took It all
right he was Chistian, but IL he got a
hot box and flew around mad he was
better out of church than init. There he
comes now," said the boy as he got be-
hind sign. "and he is pretty hot for a
Christian. He is looking for me. You
had ought to have seen him in church
this morning.
"You see, commenced the exercises at
home after breakfast by putting 8 piece
of Ice in each of Pas boots, and when he
pulled on the boots he yelled that his feet
were all on fire, and we told him that it
was nothing but symptoms Of gout, 30
he left the Ice in his boots to melt, and
be said all the morning that he felt as
though he had sweat his boots full. But
that was not the worst. You know, Pa
he wears liver pad. Well, on Saturday
my chum and me was out on the lake
shore, and we found a nest Of ants, these
little red ants, and I got pop bottle
hslf full Of the ants and took them home.
I didn't know what I would do with the
ants, but ants are always handy to have
In the house. This morning when Pa
was dressing for church saw bis liver
pad on a chair and noticed hole In 1t,
and I thoughtwhat q good place IL would
be for the ants.
T don't know what possessed me. but
I took. the liver pad into my room and
opened the bottle and put the hole over
the mouth of the bottle, and guess the
ants thought there was something to eat
In the liver pad, cause they all went
into 1t, and they crawled around In the
bran and condition powders inside Of 1t,
and took 1t back to Pa, and he put 1t
on under his shirt and dressed himself,
and we went to church. Pa squirmed a
little when the minister was praying,
and guess some Of the. ants had come
ont to view the landscape o'er. When
we got up to sing the hymn, Pa kept
kicking, as though he was nervous, and
he felt down his neck and looked sort Of
Wild, the way he did when he had the
timjams. When we sat down, Pscouldn't
keep still, and I like to died when I saw
some of the ants come out Of his shirt
bosom and go racing around his white
vest. Pa tried to look pious and re-
signed, but he couldn't keep his legs
still, and he sweat more'n pailful.
"When the minister preached about
the worm that never dieth,' Pa reached
into his vest and scratched his ribs, and
he looked as though be would give $40 il
the minister would get through. Ma she
looked at Pa as though she would bite
his head off, but Pa he just squirmed and
acted as though his soul was on fire.
Say, does ants bite or just crawl around?
Well, when the minister said amen and
prayed the second round and then said
brother who was missionary to the
heathen would like to make a few re-
marks about the work of the missionaries
In Bengal and take up collection, Pa
told Ma they would have to excuse him,
and he Lit ont FOR home, slapping himself
on the legs and on the arms and on the
back, and he acted crazy. Ma and me
went home after the heathen got through
and found Pa in his bedroom with part
of his clothes off, and the liver pad was
on the floor, and Pa was stamping on it
with his boots and talking offul.
"'What is the matter? says Ma. Don't
your religion agree with your
"Religion be dashed says Pa as he
kicked the liver pad. 4 would give $40
to know how pint of red ants got into
my liver pad. Religion is one thing, and
million ants walking all over a man
playing tag is another. didn't know
the liver pad was loaded. How In Ge-
henna did they get in therer and Pc
scowled at Ma as though he would hll
her.
"Don't swear, DEAR says Ma aa she
threw down her hymnbook and took off
her bonnet. You should be patient. Re
member, Job was patient, and he was at-
ficted with sore boils.'