Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1893-04-05
MAJOR AND MINOR.

She has returned from long visit to
Boston, and the other evening was TAX
! ing leave OF her very best fellow at the
door. when the old gentleman up stairs
| heard sound that wildly recalled the
ha]cyon days of his own eourtship.
''Were you kissing that fellow good
bye?" lie roared with paternal direct
ness. "Why, papa! Kissing? l was
merely giving corporal expression to
psychical feeling" "You were, hey?
Been to Boston, haven't you? Next
time l catch you giving that kind OF
corporal expression to pSychical feel
| ing, I'll produce an eXcltation OF your
sensorium with my razor strop. Under
stand? Now put out that hall gas and
go to bed"
In this advanced and progressive age
there is tendency to make language a
servant rather than master. Punctill-
Gus grammar in everyday speech and
rhetorical flourish in writing may be
insisted upon in certain educational cir
| Giles, but in this utiitarian age one is
| liable TO be direct and to seek results
rather than observe all the nicetles. 1t
|
I match. THE other fellows can do the
fancy shootin' and putin on OF style,
but III cackerate mostly on techin' up
the bulls eye"
An exchange is at hand with direc-
tions how to fit up handsome dining
room at an expense not exceedidg 500.
The first suggestion is to take a carpet
from some other room in the house and
thus save one OF the most important
items OF expense. Here we drop the
| exchange in obedience to an insplra-
ton. Garry In all the furniture you
need from the other rooms in the house
and You can fit up your dinlng-room
without laying out cent.
A Detroit lady says the crusade
against the hoop-skirt is liable to bring
il sooner and make it larger than 1t
would be if woman's rights in the mat
ter were not questioned. "These fool
men don't know what they are about"
is her declaration, "for the surest way
of having a woman do what you don't
want her to do is TO forbid her doing it. "
There is a good deal more truth than
poetry in her philosophy.
A great many people masquerade as
your friends, but the man who wraps
up two-for-a-nickel cigar in tin foil
and gives it to you rs q ffty-cent
straight is the rankest kind of an i'm
postor and OBSERVER 10 be exposed in his
true colors. After you have smoked the
vile weed with the greatest relish the
nature Of the joke is explained. Then
you simply grind your teeth and bide
your time,
A correspondent OF the Boston Globe
wants to know IL the science OF surgery
has reached point where ii can change
persons eye to another color. II the
correspondent wants his eyes BACKED
the expense OF q surgical operation can
be saved by cultivating undue familiar
ity with certain element OF our west
ern citizenship.
There are 30, 900 women in Bridgeport,
Conn, and seven Of them have formed
crinoline club, pledging themselves to
wear the barbarous relic Of former con-
turies. The three tailors OF Tooley
street must be regarded as back num-
Der, and henceforth IL should be the
seven women Of Bridgeport.
A French statistician figures out that
1000 years from now the average man
will be but fifteen inches in height. Ac-
cording to that it will be necessary 1000
years hence 10 dig in order to find the
top of a mans head.
Now that Mr.. Paderewski has won
fame and fortune there is really no
further necessity for wearing long hair.
He should initiate Mr.. Wilde, who, az
ter his American trip, trimmed his
locks.
A bald-headed mans powers Of reflec-
tion are greatly increased under an
electric light.