St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-07-17
TEXAS MUSTANG WINE.
Col. Snort Tries Its Efficacy Upon
a Compositor.

Col. Snort fries Its Efficacy Upon
a Compositor.
Texas Slftings.
Unless a person is provided with
gutta percha epiglOttis, swallowing one
brand of Texas Mustang wine feels like
cat OF porcupine crawling down his
throat. There is another brand that
feels like pulling the same animals
back by the tail. Pll put that wine aside
for Carl Schurz when he calls next time
One of the saddest episodes OF my
life is connected with Texas mustang
wine. When | was editor of the Crosby
County Clarion and Farmers Vindi-
Gator farmer sent us bottle and
written puff. The latter was to be in
serted on the inside of the paper, and
the former was to go on the inside or
the editor.
AS l was busy writing scathing
editorial about depredatlOns OF the
graSshoppers l turned the puff and the
wine over to "Blinky Pete" a pink
haired compositor, He had been eating
green peaches for breakfast, and L
kindly suggested to him that the wine
might allay his internal complications:
''Blinky" seized the bottle and flushed
out his parched bronchial tubes until L
could hear the elixir smashing about
inside of him. Then he smacked his
lips and proceeded to set up what he
called the "sluSh."
Although he sQuirmed and grunted a
little he managed to set up the first few
lines with much difficulty, but when a
peck of green peaches and quart or
Texas mustang wine are holding eau
Gus large-siZed gastric focus may be
expected at any moment. 1t arrived on
time with both feet. "Blinky" con-
Yersed while he set up the compliment
airy notice: This native wine is an
excellent tonic If ii wasn't sour enough
to pucker the mouth of a cannOnl AS
it is the pure juice of the grape it can
be recommended to invalids land sui
cidesl. 1t is also good for sacramental
purposes"
"Blinky" quit setting type because
he had to use his hands on his digeSter,
while he dug his toe-nails into the floor
and howled unprintable profanity. Dur
ing lull between the SpaSms he made
unkind remarks about me, his benetac-
tor and spiritual adviser, so to speak,
and when l kindly babe him soak his
blonde head he gathered monkey
wrench and came at me like an lnturl-
ated tiger.
IlSlC WIS Olily OhO LOdliN' NuSNNN
and soaked him in the neck, at the base
of the ductus arteriosus, with an old
kidney-cure electrotype, top of column,
next to pure reading matter. Then we
embraced on the European plan and
down we went, with Col. Snort on top.
While "Blinky' was trying to jam
the monkey-wrench into my 9sophagus
l beat the DEVILS tattoo on his red head
with the kidney-cure electrotype.
"Blinky" wanted to yell murder" but
he couldn't because one of the galleys
on the rack above us got pied. and my
| editorial Oh the DUTY of the Hour fell
| in leaden shower Oh the struggling
gladiators. A stick full Of the type
dropped into ''Blinky's'' open converse
tional aperture and checked his flow of
| conversation.
| The foreman thrust the roller between
our faces. thus giving the affair an en-
tirely different complexion, while an
other pa1e-faced printer dragged US Off.
"Blinky'' was tenderly carried Oh a
husk mattress to the hospital to cool off,
| which he did without regainlng con-
| seriousness, peritonitis having set in.
| Between the elixir and my pied edito-
| rial utterances on the inside. and the
external application of the kidney cure
| electrotype at the base Of his ductus
| arteriosus, he crossed the dark river to
rest under the trees on the other side.
| He sleeps in q shady dell in a quiet
nook of the Crosby county cemetery.