davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
HAIR OIL AND CURLING IRONS.
Hearken to q Hair Dresser's Woeful Proph-
ecies Anent the Future Beau.

He6rken TO q HAIR DFetrers W OtIui ffORu-
ecies Anent the Future Beau.
A whispered prophecy was vouch-
safed the other day by certain hair
dresser. He is not one OF the bustling,
talkative variety. but is pompous and
of few words, carrying an atmosphere
of deep knowledge about him HIS
utterances are so weighty that they
seem TO strike the very bottom of the
well where sits truth. Still, the best
of men and the wisest of hair dressers
may sometimes err, so this one may be
in ea-'or.
He said, however, that the signs of
the times point 40 revival of another
one of the fashions of 1880 or there
abouts. He said, in short. that the
locks of Beau Brummels of '94 will
form a most intimate acquaintance
with the curling iron. Have they not
been growing steadily longer? he says;
and what more natural sequence. there
fore, than a desire to relieve the
monotony of undiversified length?
Hence. the curling iron Hence, too
possibly a state of affairs such as
Walter Besant claims existed in polite
society some fifty years ago.
The desirable waves and gloss We're
then impaired TO chair not. prone ito
curls by a liberal use of hair oil OF
course the bellies of the same period
had to have their ringlets also. but
delicate distinction was always pre-
served between the limp and slender
spirals for feminine adornment and the
aggressive and virile curls consistent
with manly feautv
But alas heat and hair oil and poma-
tum and persistence can never equal
that one touch of nature that makes
the whole hair curl Therefore every
ballroom had its barber All night
long, in an adjacent room, he and his
apprentices attended, with tackle, hot
irons and hair oil, to revivify between
dances the dropping Brummelian curls.
And in another corner of the mansion
maids with nimble fingers and Sizing
tongs lent a new twist to the ladies
ringlets-
And when the next call came to go
with the dance, what a brave show of
crisp curls came together from those
secluded hooks, where the BARRIERS
ceased from curling and the tongs
rested till the music ceased.-N. Y.
/ Sun.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
PITH AND POINT.

1t is noticeable that the man VINO
thinks he is whole show by himself
seldom draws a cord.-Milwaulee Jour
nal.
IL always knew he was too timid TO
propose. but he married short time
ago" Eyes; but he married widow.
Life
/ -Willis-"Rowride says he has a
horse for sale" Wallace don doubt
il. ] sold him one the other day" -
Tit-Bits.
--''See that man yonder?" Eyes. !"
''Been in congress zen years" whats
! mis- record" Ten years. ATLANTA Con-
stitution.
lis this building fireproof?" asked
the man with blue glasses and large
gripsack. mot if you're book agent"
replied the janitor, conclusively.-
Washington Star.
The editors wife I'D just like
TO know what you wanted to bur me
that measly old calico dress fOr?" The
editor (humbly)-"Because, my dear,
Ter thought you'd LOOK well in print?"
| -Prunella-"I told you would be re-
venged on Tom Murray. Well, | am
revenged." Priscilla-"How?" Pru-
nella-'I started report that he is
engaged to you."-Kate Fields Wash
ington.
She (sometime after the honey
moon You used to say there was no
one in the world like me. lIe-"Yes,
by George! and / am more convinced
of that fact than ever."-Boston Tran
script.
~ am really at loss" said the
young minister, Ito know why you
did not like my last sermon. Didn't
you consider my arguments sound?'
YES" she replied; exclusively
Washington Star.
II can tell your fortune, and find
out your future husband for you.
out as often as | find my present hus-
band out" replied the lady. II shall
never marry again"
-Visitor-"You oughtn't to keep the
pigs so near the house" Countryman
-"Who?" Visitor-'It isn't healthy"
Countryman That's where you're
wrong; them pigs amt never had a
days illness. Tit
The Exact Location.-Mr. Beacon
\ tof Massachusetts, You say your
friend was born near the boundary of
Rhode Island; what boundary do you
refer to?" Mr.. Spotter (of Texas)-
"All fourr'-Worlds Fair Puck.
-Bright-''By dividing your detec-
tives into two squads you'd accomplish
great deal more" Burns - What
would / do that for?" Bright-''So
one half could hunt clews while the
other went after criminals Vogue.
-Picture.-Pretty girl. propped up
on sofa with pillows. Fan. handlker-
chief and smelling-bottle at hand. On
table are box of candy. basket of fruit
and bouquet of flowers. Latest novel
in her hand. Caption; "lll at ease"
Once a Week.
! "A Scientific Agreement "Do you
know that the doctors have decided
that young meats, such as veal outlets
and spring chicken, are very un-
! healthy" as that so? They must
have told my landlady the same
/ thing. Detroit Free Press.
Bob" said grocer recently to
small customer, as he weighed out
pound of potatoes, did you ever stop
20 think that these potatoes contained
sugar, starch and water?" mo, l
lidn't," replied the boy. ''But I've
heard mother say You put peas and
beans in your coffee, and pint of wa
.er in every quart of milk you SELL"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

MHAT LII MEANS.
One of the Results of the Proposed An
nexstion of Canada.

nexstion of Canada.
According 20 the spirit of our consti-
tutional system, foreign territory
should be acquired only with view to
its admission, at no very distant day.
into the union as one or more states on
an equal footing with the other states.
The population inhabiting such terri
tory, and admitted into the union with
IL. would have 20 be endowed with
certain rights and powers. and the
United States would have to undertake
certain obligations with regard 20
them. The people of the new states
would not only govern themselves as 20
their home concerns. but also take
part in the government of the whole
country through the senators and
representatives sent by them to
congress, as well as through the
votes cast in the elections of our
presidents and in adopting or reject
ing constitutional amendments. Mere
than this: as the party managers
would study and humor their likes and
iislikes IN order to obtain their votes.
the newcomers would soon exercise a
considerable influence upon the con-
duct of our political parties The
United States. on the other hand,
would he bound to guarantee to them
a republican form of government, to
protect them against invasion, and.
upon proper application. against do
mestic violence. In other words, this
republic would admit them as equal
members to its national household, to
its family circle, and take upon itself
all the responsibilities for them which
this admission involves. To do this
safely il would have to act with keen
discrimination.
If the people of Canada should some
day express a desire to be Incorporated
in this union, there would. as to the
character of the country and of the
people, be no reasonable doubt of the
fitness, or even the desirability, of the
association. Their country has those at
tributes of soil and climate which are
most apt TO stimulate and keep steadily
at work all the energies of human
nature. The people are substantially
of the same stock as ours, and akin to
us in their traditions. their notions of
law and morals. their interests and
habits of life. They are accustomed
to the peaceable and orderly prac-
tees of self-government. They would
mingle and become one with our
people without difficulty. The
new states brought by them into
the Union would soon be hardly dis
tinguishable from the old in any point
of importance. Their accession would
make our national household larger,
but it would not seriously change its
character. 1t might take place-and.
in fact, it should take place only in that
way-as a result of a feeling common
TO both sides that the two countries
and peoples naturally belong together
in their sympathies as well as their in
terests. Nor would the union of the
two countries excite among US any am
bition of further aggrandizement in
the same direction, for the acquisition
of the Canadian Dominion would give
to the United States the whole of the
northern part of the continent.-Carl
Schurz, in Harper's Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

nF0Wm.
Just pause ere you est-it Won't hurt you The
And imagine yourself on the town
Perhaps. even nov. through the window there
some fellow who's starving FOR bread
Just sank how 'tWould scatter his hali-frozen
To Be SD in and deeensly FED,
OF course = ragged and looks rather
What natter Hes hungry: that's plain.
Your table is grooming with more Than
enough.
o. doa-t let his pleading BE- yalu,
Just LOOK at those features. he's clever, no
doubt
Perhaps. zoo free-hesrted and kind
Hes sheltered hts friends-been in turn
And 70 sOrroNful Fate has resigned
Don't think that he envies your damask and
plate,
Or Is planning for aluuder and pelf
The vision Just holds him out there al the
FOR hes hungrier. man. than yourself
He thinks the white p,umes OF The celery
Are waving him welcome. and when
The Fiisteuing steel meets the turkey so fair
Il reminds him o. old times again
Perhaps At a table as dainty as yours.
Each guest an agreeable friend.
lie once to q CobbIer made bland Overtures
Aud its texture was pleased 10 commend
Perhaps he dispense With the grace % a king
TIE vintage OF France and the Rhine.
And repieuished each Plate with drum
stick Or wing
As their preference each guest might dc
Perbaps-lf YOU noticed him closely you'd see
a something familiar you knew:
h1p--Ioaking closer. you'd fnl I'M % be
Somebody no used 70 know yOu-
Perhaps-weu. its hard 10 describe. but per
haps
He would rake your Thanksgiving seem
real
Just watch and yoLHl aaa cue OF these hungry
chaps
who VIII show you hos thankful 70 feel.
George (. Bowen. iu Chicago Inter Ocean
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
The Fmpress of AustrIa.s Jewels.

The empress of Austria has 10 give a
written receipt for the state jewelry
every time she wears it, and her males
", as result, usually contents herself
with her own private collection, which
is valued at 1880, OO0 When the en-
press was crowned the expenses were
great. one item alone being 100000 for
snuff boxes presented to the foreign
representatives delegated to attend the
eremony.-London Court Journal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
Too Much Education.

Education" said Uncle Josh, is er
mighty good thing, but sometimes it
does more harm than good"
There is no doubt of that"
81 oncet knowed of a case where edu-
cation come purity nigh drowndin' a
rale nice young lady" he went on.
"How was that?"
"Why, she fell into the water an
bein' too high toned to holler help,
she yelled out assistance An Their
blame fool hired hand tibet heard her
lost about FIVE minutes maxim up his
mind whether ter pull her out er go
home fur a dictionary. "-WashingtoD
Star
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
M. Hard Cheek.

The smart young man had slight
scratch on his cheek. which he seemed
rather anxious that people should see.
Finally someone asked him how he got
il. Tried to kiss pretty girl" said
he, '.and her earring scratched me"
Unjust have been real diamond" was
the comment of one listener. = Indi-
annapolis Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
JAPANESE CHILDREN.
Beneficial Results Aecruing from the Non
Use of Cows MIX.

Beneficial Results Accruing from the Nom
Use of Cows MIX.
Custom and national sentiment would
seem TO have made the lives of children
in Japan delightfully."- attractive for
them. Japan has even been described
as the paradise of childhood. One of
the most curious points in this connec-
ton is that the children are always
sucked by their mothers; artificial
lactation is altogether unknown. The
children are suckled until their sixth
year. and in language unmistalSable
may be heard asking for the lactatious
fountain. THIS, as no cows milk is re-
quired. the cow is only used as pack
animal in the cities In view of the al
most universal use of cows milk in
other countries. its exclusion from the
diet of the japanese raises the in
teresting subject of INQUIRY as to
whether or not the race benefits
by this custom, and DIR. A. ).
Ashmead. of New York, dis
cusses the question IN the current
number OF the Sei-iKwai medical jour
nal. In the first place il is assumed
that indirectly the absence of cows
milk is most beneficial In consequence
of no other nourishment being avail
able. the Japanese mother is compelled
TO suckle her offspring. in doing which
she feels ;he compulsion of looking
after own her health and die. japanese
mothers chiefly live on rice. "fsh.
shells, seaweed and other products of
the sea-" while wine and beer are
rigidly excluded. The reward of all
this Emeritorious care of motherhood
and childhood Is the absolute freedom
of the children from ricketts,. Again.
the author holds that the transmission
Of tuberculosis is avoided by the ex-
clusion of cows milk from the infants
dietary. Japan is by nomeans exempt
from tuberculosis, but the disease
mainly prevails among the upper
classes, in whom the systematic Gus
tom obtains of close intermarriage.-
Medical Press
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

Gentleman-See here. You are the
boy who came whining around last
night. saying you were stuck on some
papers and bought them.
Boy-Yessir. Much obliged.
But those papers were week old. ="
"Yessir. That's why / was stuck on
EN-. Good News.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
a PROPOSED VACATION.

IF you want to stay here you may do
so. but I'm going away on vacation
now for my health When all the
roOsting places that are higher than a
man can reach are destroyed and the
lower ones are left it is a sure sign that
a storm center Is approaching. Chi
cago Mail
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

People overlooked the importance Of per
manently beneficial effects and were salts
fed with transient action but now that il Is
generally known that Syrup of Figs Will
permanently cure habitual constipation,
well-informed people viii not buy other lax
atives, which act for a time, but finally IN
lure the system.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

DIR. r. Schiffmann, ST. Paul. Mimi. will
mail trial package of 'Schifman's Asth-
ma Cure free to any sufferer He advertses
by giving il away Never fails 20 give in
slant relief in worst cases and cures where
others fail. Name this paper and send ad-
dress for a free trial package
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
rrhen tle KIdners Are Iale.

Or nearly so, there is danger ahead. Rouse
them to activity with Hostetteris Stomach
Bitters, which does not. ike the unmedi-
Gated stimulants of commerce, excite them.
Thus may be averted Bright's disease and
other maladies by which both they and life
itself are imperilled. The Bitters are q
standard remedy for rheumatic, neuralglc
and liver trouble, liver comp amt, dyspep-
STA, constipation and malaria.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
Very Appropriate.

Miss Goodenough-Mr Penn, could
you suggest motto for our Society for
the Knitting of Stockings for Orphan
Children
Mr. Penn How would Charity
covereth a multitude OF shins" do?,
Truth.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
Qualified.

Dusty Rhodes think it is an in
fernal shame that don't get pen
sion.
Mrs. Dogood-I didn't know you
were entitled to one.
Dusty Rhodes-Well. ! be; I've done
nothin' all my life but soldier.-Puck.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

She--As am TO be a poor mans wife,
don't you think ought to get cook
book?
He-vsit little. my pet. until we
,ake sure that we will have anyth.-g
sock.-N. Y. Weekly.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
she was Not Musical.

Teacher-Tommy what was Nero's
greatest act of crueltya
Tommy Playin' The fiddle, mum.
Teacher-Take your place at the
head, Thomas. Texas Sif.ings
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
Ton Auspiclous.

Bagiey-Let me tell you what FUN
ny thing my baby did last night.
Bailey-Not now, Bagley. Wait un-
I'll some day when ! want to catch a
train.-Judge.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

"JoHN," said the proud father, 81 hear
you are winning your way At cole re"
John-"Yes, father. | won fourteen dol
lars yesterday on three eight-spots."-
Cleveland Pain DEALER
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

"WHAFEBBAH Won does said Uncle Eben
to his eldest boy, ''dOan be sarcastic E.
man dat keeps allus irwin ter shoot Folly
ez she flies run er heap o resk OBJ bein'
hurt by de kick OBJ his own gun Wash
lngf0n Star
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

Teacher - well, Tommy. sup
pose you had q very pleasant time
Thanksgiving day Tommy
hat an awful nice time till after din
ner. r-Chicago Inter Ocean.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

AI-vR short season in the blacksmith's
hanGs many wagon wheel Knows what 1t
is 10 have that tired feeling Buffalo
Courier
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

THERE are people who say they want to
meet their friends IN Heaven who do not
try TO get very close TO them on earth
Rams Horn.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

WE shouldn't object so much TO the man
who knows IL all If he weren't always so
ready TO tell US all about iL-SOmerville
Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

TOR BRONCHIAL and Pulmonary Com
plants = Brolcn's Bronchial Zrochesf' have
great curative properties. IN b0res. 25 cts
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

WE win give 500 reward for any case of
catarrh that cannot be cured with Halls
Catarrh Cure Taken internally.
F. j. CHENEY a. Co PrOprs., Toledo, o.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

A CURE for nearly all the common ills
Take Beecham's Pills. For sale by all
druggists. % cents.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

Mrs. Gildersleeve-Shall we invite
anybody to our Thanksgiving dinner?
Gildersleeve-I think I'll AK nice.
fat turkey. You can invite whom you
ase.-DetrOit Free Press
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

EDITOR Ito parrot "POlly want a
cracker!" Poll with dignity Al decline to
be interviewed. Truth.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

THE meaner use a man intends to make Of
his money, the meaner things he will stoOp
to in getting it.-YOung Mems Era.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

WHILE, as rule, our agriculturists are
not as potent in politics as they might be,
there is no denying that the farmer with
Buffalo Courier
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

HALE's Honey of Horehound and Tar re-
lieves whoOping cough.
Pixies TOothache Drops Cure in one minute.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
Have You AstbmaP

THE cat has nine lives. which shows that
nature had pretty fair idea OF what the
cat would have to 90 through. Bits
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

''THE last thing Fred did was to kiss
me-" Il should think it would be ."-Life.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
Tn oIden Times

A DEAF man cannot be legally convicted.
II is unlawful 70 convict a man without a
ring.-Siftings.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

A MAN is much like a razor, because you
can't tell how sharp he can be until he is
completely strapped. -Siftings.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

INTELLECTUAL ONE-"I should not say you
had had much experience with men, The
Demure Que Perhaps not. | have re-
fused seven and accepted five. Life.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

HIS ERROR. uboarder-"Didn't hear
some one saving wood this morning9 old
man-'No; tat was the landlady cutting
the steak"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

Every woman admires a man who
Fan swim. and looks with horror at a
boy who wants TO learn how.-Atchi
son Globe.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

IT is the restaurant keeper who conducts
business on hand to mouth basls.-Lowell
Courier
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

WHEN a man talks into telephone what
he says goes.-Buffalo Courier
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23

tifully spread supper table, around
which had gathered a goodly array Of
sons and sOns-in-law, daughters and
dsughters-in-law, and grandchildren.
The good old man surveyed the scene
with evident pride and satisfaction
They We're discussing the merits and
dement's Of the various Thanksgiving
sermons they had heard.
Children. said the deacon. taking
advantage Of momentary lull in the
converse tiOn. I'm going TO p~each a
Thanksgiving sermon TO morrow morn
ing. I've heard good many Thanks
giving discourSes in my day, continued
Deacon Brown. apparently unmindful
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-11-23
THE POISONS

wHrx the oarsman retires he comes out
of his shell