davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
GOLDEN CITY.

The circulars tell OF 900 inhabitants, pure
air, excellent water, three railroads, good
schools, plenty OF churches and other at
tractive things and offer city lots, so by 80
feet in size, for the low price Of thirty dol
lars each We rode over to Golden City
last week to look into the matter The site
is a mountain The schools, factories and
churches" consist Of one shack" occupied
by an old Indian so mean that bis tribe
kicked him out. He also constitutes the
100 inhabitants. The air may be all right,
but we couldn't find the water, the rail
roads, the agriculture nor the rush. Every
city lot stands on end with its hind legs In
the air, and il liable to have a rush OF blood
to the head We have been warned not to
pitch into this BOOM" but we unhestat-
ingly pronounce it swndle OF the most
contemptible sort The mountain Is gov
eminent land to begin with, and would be
a dear bargain at fifteen cents unless one
wanted TO become Il hermit among rattle
snakes and buzzards. In that case one
might 20 a quarter We do not know the
swindlers engaged in the scheme, but If they
will call upon us-singly or colectively-we
won't require any forlnality nor keep them
waiting over minute on the front steps.
SUCCESS TO HIM.-The Hon Thomas q.
Kane arrived in town from Columbus, d.
on Monday in search of his brother James,
who is supposed to have met bis death IN
this vicinity some time last fall. After
looking over the records Of the eleven men
in our private graveyard Mr. Kane was sat
isfied that his brother was not among
them. Neither did any Of the descriptions
on the coroners books fit him. We re
member, however, that II man was hanged
near Turkey Bend in September for riding
of on one of Major Green's mustangs, and
we gave Mr. Kane letter OF introduc
ton and full directions. The major is al
ways willing to put himself ont under such
circumstances and we haven't much doubt
that the gentleman from Ohio will discover
that the stranger was his missing brother.
He needn't feel the least bit embarrassed If
il turns ont that way. az we never make
family matter Of such things. We simply
hang the man, bury him il the ground
isn't baked too hard. and the affair stops
right there
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
THE LIMEKIIN CLUB.
KURyEI JOHNSON WAS ONLY An
AyERAGE MAN AFTER ALI.
Brother Gardner on Eulogies, and Shjws
That IL IL Not ALWAYS Wise to
Praise tho Dead.

"At late meetin or dis club, said Broth
or Gardner as be arose with solemn coun-
tenance, I'VE disposed Of some resolushuns
on de death of kurnel Cabiff. 1t now be
comes my dOOty TO announce dat we hey
met up wild another loss. Another kurnel
has bin called away, reducin our list OF kur-
nels to about fo'teen. AS most of yo' am
aware, Kurnel Kyann Johnson departed dis
life las Tuesday arter a sickness which
only scattered itself through two short
weeks. | know it am usual in SIGH cases
fur somebody to obsarve dat de late de-
ceased was great an good man, possessed
of about all de varchews of mankind, but
cannot consistently foller de rule In dc
fust place, as yo' all am awar', | doan' be
lieve in eulogies, an in de mex, it nebber did
help a dead man any fur de libin to stand
up an lie about him.
"Kurnel Johnson was jes' an average
man-no mo- an no less. Ny fust meetin
wild him was under rather embarrassin sar-
cumstances. One night at midnight |
heerd my Leghorn chickens maxim great
fuss, an | riz up an went out TO de coop to
investigate De kurnel was in de coop
an had already lifted two fat pullets off de
roost lit onto him and hammered him
fur half an hour, an he den explained dat
he was walkin in his sleep. | could stan
up yere an say dat de kurnel was an honest
man, but | shan't do it. He was as honest
as de average, an OATS praise huff
1T am usual to obsarve in SIGH cases as
dis dat de departed was possessed of quail
ties which endeared him to large circle OF
frien's. cannot say dat fur de kurnel.
He had some of de meanest streaks in him
of any man | cher met up wild, an on as
many as fO' different occashuns hev had
to take him by de neck an temporarily i'm
prove his manners If | was called upon to
sw'ar to it | should say dat he had twenty
faults to one varchew. His circle of frien's
wasn't much bigger'r de head of bar'l, an
it was CROWN smaller all de time. / has
actually knowed de kurnel to take out a
plug of tobacker in de presence of twenty
two men, bite off large hunk an calmly
replace it in his pocket widout skippin a
cog!
81 reckon some of yo expect to h'ar me
say dat de kurne was kind father an
lovn husband, but shan't do it. He was
about de average He'd lose three dollars
shootn craps when his wife was shoeless,
an he'd put up two dollars on a boss race
when his chillen hungered fur taters. 1t
was hissef fust an de family next. i hev
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
The Romance of a Ranch.

SACRAMENTO, Jan. ga short time O POI
one Of the largest ranches In Sonoma vale
was sold for 800, 900. 1t consisted Of .-H
acres. In the early ffties this ranch wl,
purchased by General Percival f. Smith.
commanding the American forces oa tae
Pacific coast. General Smith paid one d1l-
lar an acre for it.
He erected upon it a splendid residenca
The grounds were artistically laid ou'. aal
around them he built q wall Of masonry.
He turned his attention 10 grape cl.rIr.
and after planting o large vineyard had Gle
misfortune to see it fall into ruin through
the ravages OF phyloxera.
Disguised with this, General Smith SD
the property TO Colonel W. X. Ro-,r.. d.
wealthy gentleman, who raised theranDa to
a high state of cultivation and improved
the property until it was considered or. {
the most valuable ranches in northern C-..
fornia.
Colonel Rogers lived the life o. au .,
emplary citizen here for many years. a.l
then detective unearthed the fact f..t .
was the famous Billy Kissane, no,ai tr
his desperate bank robberic, aal o..
crimes, and for whom the officers o. III .
law had been searching for fifteen yea-
Through the investment Of the money t..t
he had got by his unlawful escapade~ .
mines of Placer and Humboldt counti.- BIZ.
had made himself extremely wealthy
He fought the courts for two year, and
managed TO escape the penitentiag. ..t
his fortune was exhausted, and the ia,0r .-
vestment of borrowed capital in new m.a.-
that failed to pan out rendered il necr rt
for him 10 sell his home 10 satisfy his cra.
itOrs. ALLAN NAM
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
Easy Lessons In Arithmeti

The actual pressure of the jaws needed to
masticate a quid Of gum Is only three
ounces. while the average pressure exerted
is fourteen. How much pressure would be
absolutely wasted by Il girl who began at
sixteen and "chawed gum" until she was
twenty-three years OF age?
A newly married man pays twenty-four
dollars to send his wife to Il cooking school
for six weeks, and she then saves him three
dollars per week for six months by doing
her own cooking Meanwhile he pays one
doctor thirty-fve dollars and another TWEEN
ty-eight dollars for treating his dyspepsia
How much does he saver
A young man falls in love with Il girl and
presents her diamond ring, which he buys
on the installment plan-price, seventy-hve
dollars. She finds after time that she can
only be sister to him, and he demands
the ring. Having figured on this, she has
had the gem replaced by three dollar
Alaska, and she Indignantly hurls the
bauble at his feet. How much is she ahead
of the game? How long will it take him at
the rate of fifty cents per week to pay sixty
seven dollars?
The reserve force Of a tramp is equal
TO sixteen horsepower. He expends one
fourth of it in opening gate and walking
over newly painted veranda, and one
third of the remainder in getting out of the
yard ahead of "A hoe handle. How much has
he left TO tackle the next house with,
A has forty-two sheep worth four dollars
apiece, and b has II yellow dog worth TWEEN
ty-fve cents. In the course of week A is
sheepless, while BIS cur has improved to
fifty cent dog 1t isn't any use to figure on
this, however, us B came out 10 the road
with his shotgun and said he'd just like to
see the human hyena who would dare raise
hand against his caninel NJ. QUAD.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
Not a Good Picture.

Herr Won Madai, who died in Frankfort
on-the- Main n few days ago, was for many
years the president of police in that city
During the period following the Franco
Prussian war until 1886 he was one of the
most familiar figures TO the people of the
capital. He was great wit, and it was
said that he was the only man who was
able to make old Emperor William laugh
in the latter days Of his life. He was an
unusually large mar, and was so leshy
that he could walk with difficulty. He
was vain OF his many decorations. No man
in the country, outside of the royal princes
and Bismark and Won Moltke, could dis
play so many decorations on his breast.
Every sovereign who came to the capital ~
a matter Of course conferred decoration
upon Won Madai.
as this photograph not good Of your"
once asked "A young lieutenant.
NO" replied his eXcellency. II then had
only fifteen decorations, and now | have
sixteen. "-European Exchange.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
Getting a Setback.
A Comfort.

A subtle influence, often observed but
never explained. told her that some one
was in the room. Her first impulse was to
cover up her head, an impulse which she
resisted as unbecOming fin de steele femi
ninity Then it occurred 70 her to shrek.
but such a course she felt she might regret.
Calmly reasoning thus with herself she at
leagth raised herself upon her elbows
who's thereW she anXiously demanded
There was IA rustling sound in the dark.
ness.
"A man" responded n voice.
Again she wondered what she would do
Evil you 90 right away from there"
she asked tentatively, after moments
thought.
NO"
"Don't brighten you"
mot biz"
She sighed heavily.
"How different" she murmured from
the class of men Pm used to meeting"
She was very happy, although she could
not but realize that she would never Zee
her diamonds again.-Detroit Tribune.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
"pR KURYEL WAS IN DE COOP"


happened into his cabin when he 'peared to
be n lovin husband, an | has happened in
when he WAS ickin his ole woman wild a
strap. Sometimes he would surprise de
chillen wild popco'n candy, an sometimes
wild SIGH a spankin dat de police would git
arter him.
II haven't said dat de world was better
fur de kurnel hevin lived In it fur forty
eight years. seben months and fourteen
days, nor shall l. 1t wasn't. If he had bin
bon n rabbit or a mewl, or if he hadn't bin
bon at all, it wouldn't hev made cents
wuth OF difference TO de world. Like de
average man, he arrove, he sloshed round
an he went hence, an nobody on de next
block cOnsarned demselves about his livin
or dyin. Our loss am not chen his gain
not as any one knows Of About de only
phrase ! kin wiring in on him is dat we
shall miss him. We shall miss him bekase
he was allus tryin to borrow money; allus
behind in his dues; alus kickin an COM
plainin an gittin up disputes about Dan'l
in de lions den He died OWN de grocer,
butcher, landlord an about cherry member
of dis club, an de fam ly didn't hey shillin
in de house. 1t am perhaps needless 10 add
dat his wife selected IA ninety dollar casket
an had twenty-five hacks in de funeral pur
ceshun. an she looks TO dis club to put up
hundred dollar monument.
I'VE shall display &c usual emblems Of
mournin furde kurnel. We shall set aside
a page to his memory. We shall remem-
Der cherry good deed he eber dun an try
our level best TO fOrgit dat he had single
fault. We owe dat TO de dead, and it's
mighty seldom we owe any mo- When it
comes my turn to 20 only ask Of dis club
dat 1t puts de words on my tombstone, lie
was average De world will understand
dc rest"
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
She Becomes Real Interested.

Mrs. General Custer devotes the greater
part Of her time to reading in public d
paper called ION the Plains"
In the course Of this paper she describes
hunt out Of western camp or post. Mo.
Custer is good hunter and has oit,a ac.
companied her husband on these eNpedi
tions. She says that when reading tie Dr.
scription she practically goes through tHe
whole thing. She hears the horn, the dogs,
the calls Of the men, the clatter Of hooin
She feels the motion Of her horse, sees The
stretch Of prairie and is thrilled by the tx
element OF the chase.
AT the end she is as tired as il she bad
really spent hours in the saddle and can
scarcely bring herself back TO the realities
OF her surroundings.-New York Recorder
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
In Mestminster Abbey.

A party Of American tourists who Wis
tied London recently, while passing
through Westminster abbey, paused rev
erently before the bust Of Longfellow which
stands upon the wall in the poets corner
One OF the visitors, a young girl. wiih
tears in her eyes. placed rose in the io.o'
OF drapery across the old poets breast
They passed on. Presently they missed a
child who belonged 70 the party. On search
ing for her they found her lingering before
the bust. She had bitten oil one OF her
little curls and laid il beside the rose.
"He is the only American here" she said
"and it was all had to giye."-fou1h ;
COmDaniOn
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
A Cold Night Out West.

II never like to speak of cold weather in
the far west" said the man with the bear
skin overcoat, las people who have not
been out there have no idea Of it and art
inclined to discredit my statements"
We FASTENED to assure him that we would
place explicit confidence in everything he
said, and he presently continued:
We'll, this was up in Pembina four
years ago. At noon on the 18th of January
1t began to grow cold, and by 10 o'clock at
night it was"--
Did you say co dcgs. below zeroi" que
ried one of the passengers as the other
stopped short.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
THE DT4GR4M MN.
A Case of Frenzy That Was Quickly
Cooled on.

He flew
There was frenzy in his heart.
lie had never been troubled with frenzy
before and therefore could not tell the
symptoms. bat he realized that this was
something beyond something far more
cruel-then ordinary collie.
He flew With bated breath He had often
baited fshhook, and he made no mistake
on his breath. 1t seemed TO him that he
should never reach his house, but he was
there at last Ii was but the work of
minute TO unlock the door and rush to his
wfe's boudoir She WIS out, * he had
hoped for. lie cast one wild glance about
the apartment to assure himself that he
was alone aud then knelt before a bureau
which had cost fourteen dollars:
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Look Out for the Bad Man from Bos-

Look Ont for the Bad Man from Bos-
ton.
A PLEASANT SURPRISE During the past
year THE KICKER has had no less than six
different editors OF the Horse Talk" de
partment. As near as we c;sn remember
one was lynched over in Clinch Valley, one
was shot by Colonel Taylor for referring TO
his thorough bred IA a burro, and the other
four threw up the sit" without notice and
travelled farther west 70 get a change of
climate. Last week a dudish young man.
wearing eyeglasses, patent leather shoes
and n white shirt, came along and applied
for the place, and we took him on in the
full expectation of having to foot his
funeral expenses within a week He went
over 10 Lone Tree last Tuesday to witness
the horse race, and he hadn't cleared the
town before we had given an order to Dan
Powers, the undertaken, to trim up one OF
his popular twenty -eight dollar collins and
engage three hacks for u funeral procession.
We confess TO being powerfully surprised
and considerably chagrined when our horse
editor walked into the Office Thursday
morning in the best of health. He had not
only escaped without "a scratch, but during
his sojourn at Lone Tree had split Major
Jackson's left ear with n bullet, bluffed
Jim Williams 10 IA standstill and stood off
gang Of sixteen cowboys who objected to
bis decision IN one or the races. We az
once jumped his salary to seven dollars pei
week, and the first time he has to drop a
man in self defense we shall make il eight
dollars. We feel it our duty to warn the
public 70 look out for him. He halls from
Boston, and the Oldest pioneer in town
would take him for tenderfoot of the
greenest type. He drawls his speech, looks
as harmless as u rabbit, and most any man
would figure that he could he scared out OF
his shoes with one whoop. He Is deceptive,
however. He shoots With both hand.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
Advantages OF Education.

Successful Farmer (whose son has been
to college)-What was all that howlin you
was dom out in tn grover
Cultured son-I was merely showing
Miss Brighteyes what college yell is like.
Farmer-Waal, swan! Colleges is some
good after all Pm goin into town to sell
some truck tomorrow. You kin go along
an do tn callin.--New York Weekly.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
The Clock struck One.

Knowles--For what peculiar reasons are
some divorces granted An actor has been
granted enc because his wife caused her
clock TO strike
Bowlcs-That's trivial enough reason.
Knowles Well, not exactly so. You SEQ
the clock struck his head
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
Finishing Touch Needed.

Rivers-Haven't you finished that fres-
toing job at old Spotcash's house YETI
Waters-Yes. long ago; but can't get
my money.
Rivers-H'mphl Call yourself an artist
and can't draw your payl-Chicago Tribune.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
FAYORiTEs SLAUGHTERED.
Nevertheless There Was Some Good Sport.
Results at Gloucester.

GUTTENBURG. N. j., Jan. 2s.-There
was slaughter OF the fayorities to-day.
but there was some very exciting sport
nevertheless. and the time made in three
events was extraordinary.
First race. four and a half furlongs-
Gladiator nrst. Red Elm second. April Fool
third limo. 54A
6ecoad race. three-eighths Of . mile--Blos-
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29

SCLATTR. &C $50 o'clock ' i,'
Sunday morning. at her late residence, Ss'
west Cary street. Mrs. EMILY A. sOi4A ''"
In the seventy -frst year OF her age
Lntermens In Goochland MoNpAi'
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29
moves like flash OF lightning and Is
dangerous man to fool with.

ABOUT GOLDEN CITy.-we understand
that the east is being flooded with circulars
descriptive Of Golden City. which Is rep
resented az n new town fourteen miles east
of this It's an effort on the part of certain
SPECTATORS to perpetrate a gigantic swindle.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29

De Jones-My poor little mother never
had any advantages. She only knew me
when she was too old to benefit by it,
Harper's Bazaar
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-29

The Durham papers tell that darlxey
went into the little shop of one Louis
Cootz. of that place. Tuesday evening,
and bought five cents worth OF snuff
Coot had no scales weights and used on
his scales. for weighing the snuff, a silver
dollar and half dollar. When the snuff
was handed the coon he asked for an
other nickel's worth and while 1t was
being weighed the darkey threw that he
had ALREADY bought into the face of the
shop-keeper, grabbed up the dollar and
the half and lit out. He has not yet been
apprehended.
The record-union., 1893-08-08
BROKE THE RECORD.
Judge Buckley Disposes of Twenty
Five Cases in an Hour.

Judge Buckley Disposes of Twenty
Five Cases in an Hour.
AT Judge Buckley's reception yester-
day morning the attendance was very
full, both inside and outside Of the rail.
Thomas Warden, who tried to pass some
opium to member OF the chain-gang,
was found guilty of vagrancy and given
fifty days in the County Jail.
Edward Himmel, charged with dis
turbing the peace of J. Rainsford, was
fined 81 80.
Frank Asher. Frank Wilson and z.
Cunningham pleaded guilty Of disturb
ing the peace. They were the men who
raised the disturbance on Front street on
Saturday, and the court fined them $5t
each, or twenty-five days i'll Jail.
Pat McEvitt and John Moore we're ar
raigned for disturbing the peace. They
pleaded guilty and McEvitt was find
$40 or five days, and Moore - 80.
Frank Burns and Fred Baker were
fined 50 each for a similar otfense.
Fred Barker and Joe Plasa, who dis
turbed the peace of the neighborhood al
Fourth and l. streets before daylight on
Saturday morning, will have an oppor-
tunity to pay $50 each or break rock fol-
the county for fifteen days.
Ed Daley. alias Hickey, was fined s.,
or ten days in Jail.
The record-union., 1893-08-08
SHE WOULD HE WOULDN'T.
A Scorned Woman Visits Her Wrath
on Fireman.

Scorned Woman Visits Her Wrath
on Fireman.
Peter Humrich, who serves the city as
foreman of Engine Company No. 2, is a
very modest young man-apparently.
When Mrs. Rose Richardson cornered
him at the depot yesterday afternoon and
asked him if he were going to marry her
Peter broke and ran. Then followed for
a few minutes sort of modernized re-
production of the Venus and Adonis in
cident, and the latter got left, of course.
Mrs. Richardson then related to group
Of listeners story that was not to the
credit of either herself or the fireman.
She said they had been living together
without the formality of even a marriage
contract, but that the chased fireman
had agreed to accompany ner to San
Francisco yesterday, where they were to
be married.
According to the woman's story, Hum
rich was to have called on her yesterday
morning and completed their prepara-
tions for the journey, but ne failed to do
so. Becoming suspicious, she set out to
find HIM, and incidentally learned that
he was intending to sneak off to the Bay
alone there to wed another.
1t was case of woman scorned, and
her fury knew no bounds when she
found him at the depot just before the
afternoon train left.
Humrich got aboard the train, but
Mrs. Richardson did not. She threatens
to make it hot for the gay fireman if he
returns.
The record-union., 1893-08-08
LIVELY ROW.

Pete O'LaughIin SIashed by Charles
Lawrence's knife.
At an early hour yesterday morning
Pete O'Laughlin and a man named
Charles Lawrence became involved in a
drunken row in a saloon at Third and L
streets.
During the melee Lawrence got out his
pockeU-knife and went to work on
O'Laughlin, who received several bad
cuts on the right side and back.
The wounded mans injuries were
dressed by City Physician c. b. Nichols,
and after spending few hours in the
Receiving Hospital he was taken home
about daylight. Lawrence was afterward
arrested by Officers Maley and Alter.
O'Laughlin's clothing was slashed in
all directions, and the only strange thing
about the affair is that he was not killed.
The record-union., 1893-08-08

Mr.. 1GNATIUs DoNNELLY's introduce
ton OF the greenback ghost to the Chicago
Silver Convention did not prove pleasant
to the metallists. The ghost stalked. but
its only support was Donnelly, and when
he was smashed out it went its way to
search the mysteries of the Shakesperian
cryptogram and the marvels of lost At
lantis. Chairman Thurman did his best to
sit upon Donnelly, but without much
success. 1t was left for the wild and
woolly Carl Browne of California to un-
horse the great cryptogramist. Nothing
could have been more appropriate than a
tilt between Browne and Donnelly-two
well-matched knights of folly and CEN
trifugal unreason. But, after all, Don
nelly was not far wrong. If we are to
have cheap money, why not greenbacks
They are ever so much cheaper than sill
yer dollars, and great deal more con-
venient. If the poor man must be driven
to take cheap money and the little it will
buy, better greonbacks.