The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1893-10-18
THE ABsENT-mINDED MAN.
The Many Troubles He Has and His
Effort to Overcome Them.
L,,n,,, tl,n NHrnchinntnr Post

Effort to Overcome Them
From the Washington Post.
"While they are inventing new-fangled
diseases or new-fangled names for old dis
eases, remarked the absent-minded man
as he hailed a passing car and then stood
contemplatively on the curb while it rolled
past, II hope some clever fellow will tell
me what mine is. am not afflicted with
tuberculosis. None of the fin-desiecle
protoplasms have lodged in me. l have
given a refuge to no patient bacillus. The
convolutions of my brain, as faras know,
are normal. There is nothing hereditary
about me except a disposition to loaf. Yet
have a disease and I'd like to know what
it is called"
The absent-minded man sighed as he
looked up the street and saw his car bowl
ing along a couple of blocks away. Then
he drew costly cigar from his pocket,
handed it to his friend, duplicated it and
put the second one between his lips. Bor-
rowing a match he struck its phosphorus
head on the sole of his shoe and waited
patiently while it blazed into lively
flame.
His eyes took on a dreamy expression
as he pulled the smoke hard into his
lungs and let it out in long thin cones.
When he secured a good light he took the
weed from his lips, replaced it with the
smouldering match and waved the fra
grant Havana back and forth in the air
two or three times as if to extinguish its
light. He was just about to toss it into
the gutter when his friend interposed
an objection and reminded him of the
match that he was putting at vigorously.
Eyes, that's it," sighed the absent
minded man; 'that's just the thing. I've
been doing that sort of idlocy ever since
l was born. Pm getting worse every day,
That's the germ that l believe has de-
veloped in me. think it is a new germ,
for have never seen any one quite so bad
as l am. Why" he went on, looking
sadly down into the glow of his cigar,
which he had now thoroughly identified,
81 shall have to keep close watch on
that cigar if do not want to turn it de-
liberately end for end and put the fire
into my mouth. I've done that often-so
often, in fact, that l carry little phial
of balm to heal the burns l am constantly
giving myself. / have consulted phys
icians and specialists, and / have paid out
big fees for tests as to my perfect sanity.
l have submitted to the most humiliating
experiments for vision and other senses
But there don't seem to be any remedies
and l have given up the struggle.
Il am convinced that this form of alb
ent-mindedness is a distinct disease
With me it takes the form of making me
do the very thing l do not want to. Have
you ever heard of that before2 Well, it
is not so very common after all. You see,
l set my mind on thing. l want to do
it badly. / start to do it, and in some
way the thought wave that is supposed to
sweep over my think tank gets mixed up,
and before it hits the right place it has
been reversed So do the very thing
that should not do. I suppose 1 might
cure this tendency by starting to do the
wrong thing ana so end up by doing what
is right. But perhaps it wouldn't work
I'm so curiously built, anyhow
The absent-minded man paused to
stoop over and pick upa twig that had
fallen from a tree by the curb, and plung-
ing his hand into his trousers pocket
took out his knife and opened its sharp
est blade. A few deft strokes soon
shaved the slender bit of wood into a
graceful wisp, and as the absent-minded
man started once again to talk he dropped
the knife into the gutter, and bending up
the twig tucked it into his pocket His
face was red. as he recovered his knife
and transferred the two articles. saying
1T embarrasses me a little at times.
but I'm getting used to it by degrees. |
have good deal of real trouble. though,
in my work, for many times have to
clip out pieces from newspapers and
paste them on sheets. 1t is ten to one
that | will put the paste on the wrong
side And then it is more than an even
chance that / win drop into the waste
basket the very piece that [ want, while
l stick the remnant to my clean sheet"
Another car came into view, but the alb
sent-minded man did not hail il. He
CHANGED TO look at his boots and seeing
that they needed backing, he hailed a
dusl1y polisher from across the street
and put his right foot on the block. The
boy went to work vigorously, and the alb
sent-minded man kept on talking.
II suppose that some day something
dreadful will happen to me. 1t is horri-
BILE TO contemplate, but don't see how l
can avert it. My mind is always occupied
with weightier matters than matches and
knives and things, and | cannot afford to
go about thinking that my right hand is
to do so-and-so while my left is to 60 this
way-and-that. / am slave to my brain. !
1t rules me completely
Taking his foot from the box, the abb
sent-minded man started to walk up the
street, all unconscious that his left shoe
was a dozen shades lighter than the other,
and that he was a debtor TO the youth
who yielded the brushes A word brought
him to a realization of the situation, and
he submitted to the latter half Of the
process, saying:
Il really ought to hire a man TO go
around with me and pick up the things |
drop and remind me of the things that
forget. He would find himself amply oc-
cupied with collecting my overcoats and
hats and umbrellas; but that is only a
minor part of my performance. What
bOthers me most is the perverscness
which compels me into the wrong road"
The right car again came along, the boy
was hastily paid, and the absent-minded
man and HIS friend hurried out 10 board
the conveyance. 10 was one OF those
vehicles that have no track, but which
run al win over the broad pavement. The