The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1893-12-14
HUMOROUS


on 4 lark-feafhers.
isuaIly on hand-gloves.
In every body's mouth-teeth.
What corn do farmers never plant?
The unicorn.
Can be seen On all luarters--the spread
esgle.
Lots of people have more dollars than
sense.
What kind of pine is more dangerous
Tne sprpcepine.
Some people think that the best way
to buy watch is on tick.
4 tree seems more polite in Winter be
cause YOU can see its boughs.
There are certain kinds Of smiles that
most men do not have to force.
The chrysanthemum is a great favor
lie, considering that it hasn't a scent TO
its name.
Plough | speak but one language"
said the physician, Il am familiar with
anany tongues.
Poor Miss Grabb is a confirmed KEEP
tomanic.n Aunt Tiliie-'Dear me, why
QUu' size TAKE SCtDSlIluFr 1ci ibt
Visitor-"I've just come from Niagara
Falls. " Ardent Chicagoan-"Great guns
Was that running daring the Worlds
Fair2''
There's one great drawback in my
business" said the Druggist. What is
it?n asked friend. Why those Porous
ptasters."
THAT s the unkindest cut of all, ex
claimed the defeated candidate, as he
gazed at his alleged picture in an after
noon newspaper.
Mrs Joues-"Is your husband work
ius Oh a salary Mrs Brown" Mrs.
B,rown-"O, no, the firm gives him a
stipend: heard him say SOL
why did everybody laugh SO long
over that story of old Boreby'sl Ii
WASH t q bit funny" They were afraid
he would tell another if they kept
quiet"
Ibid | hear you say that you have
fonndIin your notherin law your ideal@
Yes indeed; all the comments even
made on Tnothsrsin law apply 10 her!'
Police Magistrate-"H Have you ever
seen the Prisoner at the barr" Witness
Meyer, your Honor; bat I've seen him
VIXEN | strongly suspect he'd beeh al
it,
Tommy-'ssay, mama, why is it thai
papa always speaks OF money as cold
cash" Maina--.'I think my dear, he
cause it AWAY gives him chill to par
with il
Bounce WHATS the matter Il
your seal eap2 Its faded ruin.
Jounce oh, that's my wife's work
She's been saving it from the moth.
with various chemicals "
A facetious dandy, who danced with 6
couple of clumsy girls at a party recently
remarked that although he liked ring
on his fingers, he couldn stand bells OF
his toes.
What makes yon look SO unhappy
"Toothache" Allow me TO congratulate
you" ''Why?n "A man who at eight.
cau still have tnothache is certainly Il
be congratulated.
Il don't suppose this business depres
sion affects you tramps much" said tia'
phiianthropist. Yes it does" retortet
the tramp the quality of the foo(
we get these days is somethin' awful
"WHl you give me this little handS'
he pleaded lovingly. Reginald, thi
hand is already pledged" she replied
81 will redeem it. . he answered. absent
~, 'slf you will let me have the paw
ticket
You think you are bright said tn
window pane TO the mirror, sknt yo'
onlv give out some one else's reflections
1T is easy enough 10 see through you,
retorted the mirror. You are enviou
of me because have coat to my bacl
and You haven't"
You are an expert barber. | under
stand?n Yes, sir Tell me what yon
business is and | will fashion your bear
ana hair so as to suit it," IAN right; e
ahead. | am employed in restaurant.
Then, of course, yon must have NUT
ton chop whiskers."