The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1893-09-10
THE DEVILS
NOTHER-N-LAW.


cross in her daughter. Pahli3. W0O' on
the contrary, was so idlea and such q friend
Of Brother Ease that an earthquake
wouldn't move her Therefore Aunt
HoIofernes' wrathful lectures began with
sunrise. but ended not with sunset.
you are as worthless, - she would say,
t'as a Dutch cigar. and it takes yoke OF
oxen to get You out of bed in the morn
ing. You avoid work as you would the
pest You plant yourself brazenlE IN the
window, and YOU are as fond OF u as
monkey You are more love-sick than
Cupid himself; but ] am not worth much
If DO not make YOU 80 straighter than
the wind and faster than spindle"
Paufia on hearing this would stretch
and yawn and as soon as her mothers
back was turned, fly of to the window or
front door
Aunt Holofernes would sweep like mad,
accompanying the noise ofthe broom with
a monologue after this fashion:
IN nv time girls worked like mules"
Swish. swish swish from the broom.
stThey lived as retired as nuns
Swish, swish, swish.
snow they are set Of looms"
Swish, swish
''Idle hussies."
Swish, swish.
s'They think of nothing but lovers.n
Swish, swish.
1And what a set of rascals they areu'
Swish, swish, continues the broom as
Seemingly.
Upon one occasion, as she approached
the door, she saw her daughter in the
porch making signs to young man across
way, and the waltz of the broom ter
minated emphatically on Pantila's broad
back and worked a miracle-it made her
run,
s'You sentimental hussy!" screamed
her mother Il ought to break every
bone in her body"
''And why, pray9 Because 1 pretend to
get married"
''What's that you say? Get marsied.
you lunaticl Not while ! live"
Then, madam, didn't you get married
and my grandmother and my great-grand
motherln
''Dearly paid for it in you, you impu-
dent grill But understand this, if / did
marry and my mother and my great
grand mother, l don't intend that you
shall marry nor my grandchildren nor my
great-grandchildren either do you hearl"
The mother and daughter passed their
days in these sweet colloquies. without
any result except that Aunt HOlofernes
became each day moro of a scold and
Panfila more sentimental.
One M )nday morning Aunt Holofernes
was preparing the lye for the weeks
wash. She called her daughter to help
her lift the iron pot from the stove and
pour its contents over the clothes Pan
fila heard with one ear and with the
other was listening TO a familiar voice
in the street. Meanwhile Aunt HOlo-
fernes, seeing that the I've threatened to
boil over, lifted the pot herself from the
stove; but the little woman's arms were
not as strong as her tongue, and in her
effort to pour the I've over the clothes the
iron pot swung back and emptied its boil
ing contents over her foot. Her frantic
cries brought her daughter to the spot.
you wretch! You imp of Satan :"
screamed the mother, turned to very
basilisk with pain. "YOu lover of Barah-
bas, with nO.other thought in your head
but getting married! May you get the
devil for a husband -
Some time after this an aspirant for the
hand of Panfila presented himself-a
most desirable sutton in every respect.
He was young, handsome, well-mannered
and his pockets were well filled. There
was no but in the gOssips' report of him;
even Aunt Holofernes could md none in
her arsenal OF negatives. AS for Panfila,
it needed little more to make her lose her
senses with delight.
The day for the wedding was fixed, the
usual presents from the mother of the
groom arrived, and everything was pro-
NDCAAAB 90 oAAOObA dS u IdllIOdU, WnGn
for some unaccOuntable reason there
arose an indefpable prejudice against the
stranger, and it increased, notwithstand-
ing he talked well, sang still better, was
very benevolent, liberal, affabe and
friendly, cordially pressing theneighbors'
hard, brown hands n his own white and
Jeweled fingers. But they were not at all
overcome by so much courtesy; their
heads were quite as hard as their hands,
and they repulsed all his attempts at in
timaoy or good-felowship.
Aunt Holofernes had also begun to look
at him with suspicion. She studied him
very closely, and at times she thought
she perceived under his innocent cnrls
which clustered on his brow two wicked
protuberances.
She recalled with uneasy forebodiugs
that day Of sad memory when in her
wrath and pain she had uttered that un-
pleasant imprecation against h er daugh-
ter.
Finally the day of the wedding arrived
Aunt HOlofernes had made tarts and re
Elections; the former were sweet, the lat
ter We're bitter; and she prepared also a
liberal repast and treacherous project, a
barrel OF generous wine and a plan that
was any Thing but generous. The we'd
ding guests had mostly taken their de-
parture, and the couple were about to
start on their journey, when Aunt Holo-
sernes slipped into her little sitting-room
and closed up every door and window in
the room, stopped up the fireplace and
left no way of escape but the keyhole;
then, calling her daughter, who had Just
come down stairs dressed for her Journey,
she said:
Take your husband in there and take
the piece of blessed palm which is over
the mantel-piece and beat him with it 1t
is 1ust a custom which insures that the
wife shall be mistress in her own house, 4"
added the treaCherous old woman.
Panfla, obedient for the first time in
her life, did as her mother told her The
groom no sooner saw the blessed palm in
the hands Of his wife than he fed from
her. His only place Of escape was the
keyhole, which he entered as easily as if
II had the dimensions of a double folding
door; for, as You my friends, no doubt as
Wen as Aunt HolOfernes, suspected, this
line, handsome, well-manpercd young man
was neither more nor less than the devil
himself who, taking advantage of Aunt
Hololernes' imprecation against her
daughter thought TO regale himself with
the festivities Of a wedding and then
carry on his wife TO the lower regions,
thus doing himself d favor which 50 many
husbands beseech him to co for them
But this gentleman, Notwithstanding
ms reputation for shewdness and cum
ming, found a molher-inIaw who was
quite match for him (and Aunt Holo-
HaHnaF go