Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-05-25
HUMOR OF TIE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEM
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Langhaoie
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists Oh
Our Own Day.
Wads of Waydown wit.

counterfeit dollar. Elmira Gazette
IT takes the professional fisherman
to tell catchy yarns. Troy Telegram.
HEIR RAISING INTELLIGENCE
"Triplets at your house. Boston
Courier.
JAGsoN says it is astonishing how
bad most good fellows are. - Elmira
Gazette.
WITH the expert tailor taking ones
measure is largely matter OF form.
Troy Press.
I'VE got the drop on you," said the
ink-bottle to the new carpet -
Rochester Chronicle.
ALL work and no play makes the
girl with a piano popular next door.
-Binghamton Leader.
IT is a strong boarder who can eat
three plates of hash without turning
Il hair. Boston Courier.
Too MANY bright young men try to
make uheir conversation spicy with
cloves. Galveston News.
A GUN is quite human in one re-
spect 1t generally kicks when it is
discharged. -Rochestc Democrat.
EVERY man has his influence,
but sometimes has hard time to find
it when he is in d hurry. Cleveland
Plaindealer.
THE fellow who bet on popular
oarsman and got stuck says there's
always thorn to the rows Bing-
hamton Leader.
That a talent for moneymaking
isn't always a good thing many an i'm
prisoned counterfeiter can testify -
Buffalo Courier.
PREVENTING locomotives smoking
in the city streets doesn't imply try
| ing to stop their "chew-chewing. y
Philadelphia Times.
CADBY-Fd like to marry Miss
Richie on one account. Fadby-What
| is that? Cadby-Hcr bank account.
| Harvard Lampoon.
WHEN it comes to dime museum
attractions the fat woman can put
the living skeleton in the shade every
| day. Elmira Gazette.
| captain, why do they distribute
| liquor to sailors on shipboard? well,
you know, every Jack should have his
gill. "-Philadelphi Record
! Miss RICKETTs--Why don't you
marry Mr.. Mum? Are your parents
opposed to it? Miss Giddy-No, but
Mr.. Mum seems to be.-VOgue.
SOONER THAN EXPECTED.--Tom
Bigbee--When does your marriage
with Miss Goldbug come off? Hoff-
man Howse-It's off now.-Puck
"YoU are the world to me-" he
whispered. "All right" she an
swered, you can be the sun. PM
going to marry your father. Chips.
"a LITTLE change of heir" re-
marked the old man as he altered
his will, cutting off his nephew i'm
favor of his typewriter
Record.
| AT Chicago ball: Porker-Sir,
what do you mean by walking over
! that lady's foot? New Yorker
| Thunderation, man, do you think
I've got wings?
PRECEPToR-Of course you want to
go to heaven, Willie? Willie--I
should say not. / amt enough stuck
on pulling off grandpa's boots for
that. Detroit Tribune.
LITTLE BOY-The hens out West.
must be awful little Mamma Why
so? Little Boy--Uncle John says
he's seen hail-stones there as large as
mems eggs. -Good News.
In spite of the fact that indeible,
ink has been found in banana juice.
every one who steps on the peel is
| inclined to do considerable remark
lng.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
It's big job to lick the Column
bian stamps, but this country can do
it, 1t was bigger job to lick King
Georges stamps in the revolutions
but still we got there, philadelphia
Times.
Il WANT" said the astronomer,
"an inscription for my new telescope
which shall be in the nature Of an
address to the stars. "How would
Here's looking at you do?"-Buffalo
Express.
allow SHALL ! enter the money
the cashier skipped WITH" asked
the bookkeeper under the profit.
and loss?" No: suppose you put ii
under running expenses. "ASociety
Journal.
SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE. Sambo--
"Whar you get dat chicken?" Mark
Antony-"Nebber You mind bout dat
chicken. 'Taint yours How you
know 'taint?" cause / found hit in
youah coop New York World.
Do YOU think because young wo-,
man always appears neat and tidy
that she spends the greater part OF
her time with thread and needle
Before coming to this conclusion il is
we'll to examine her mother left fore.
tinger.-Boston Transcript.