The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-03-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A fixed star-The wealthy actor.


No man can tell how much it would
take to make him rich.-Ram's Horn.
What the college freshman doesn't
know he talks about.--Elmira Gazette.
A horse, strange to say, feeds best
when he hasn't a bit in his mouth
Truth.
Il doesn't always follow that shaking
al acquaintance rattles him. .--Philadel-
phia Times.
A slay belle--One Of the King of Da.
homey's Amazonan warriors. New
York Journal.
1t does seem little odd that a good
"trusty" grocer rarely succeeds.
land Plain Dealer.
Lecturer-"What is dearer to a man
than his wifel" Bachelor-"Her Jew
elry. y."-Jeweler's Weekly.
When an old crank spoils the slide,
the small boy doesn't feel like saying
peace to his ashes.-Puck.
What the solar system needs now Is a
good stringent law for the punishment
of vagrancY. City Star.
One of the hardest times to love an
enemy is when he seems to be prosper
ing like green bay tree.-Ram's Horn.
No charge to florists for this advice:
If you would have your plants start
early put them in spring beds.--Lowell
Courier.
'How can become ready conversa-
tionalistW "Persuade yourself that you
have a chronic disease of some kind."-
Buffalo Express.
"You are beneath my notice." as the
land owner remarked when he found the
tramp asleep under his sign "No tres.
passing. Comic Cuts.
First Thlef-"What do you do when
you can't pull the wool over jewelers.
eyesp Second Thief--"Throw pepper
in 'em."-Jeweler's Weekly.
Tommy-"Say, pawl" Mr.. Figg-
"Wellp "When hole in the ground
is filled up with dirt what becomes of
the holeW-Indianapo Journal.
Jagson says there are two reasons why
his servant girl cannot succeed in this
world and they are because she hates to
get up and dust.--Elmira Gazette.
Martin-"How well Miss Greenbough
keeps her agep Mrs. Grinder-"Why,
of course; nothing would induce her to
give it away."-Chicago Inter. Ocean.
Reggie-"Van Harding has been ex-
PEELED from the club" Ferdie--
"Whyp Reggie-"He was getting too
beastly bwainy. New York Herald.
Oh, take the telephone away,
Its trials greater grow
For all you hear and all you say
Is that one word "Hellop
Washington Star.
Judge-"Have you anything TO say
before pass sentence on you" Prisoner
-"No, | ANT got any time ter waste
talkin' ere. want ter gow-Pick Me-
Up.
A man who is rough and awk ward at
everything else will show a delicacy and
skill greater than any woman's when he
has to patch torn ten-dollar bill.--
Atchison Globe.
The Brilliant Spirit of Repartee:
She-'It is reported around town that
we are engaged" He--'I have heard
worse things than that She-"I never
have."-Life's Calendar.
Miss Ann Gulaw-"I wish you would
tell me how you manage to keep your
dresses in such pretty shape" Miss
mpette-"Simply by wearing them,
dear. indianapolis Journal.
"Don't you think" the mother said
proudly, "that her playing shows a re-
markable fnish2" eyes" replied the
young man absently; "but she was
long time getting to it."-The Jury.
Watts-"Did you ever cat any pos
sumW Grogau-"Oi niver did an
niver will. Oi hov no use for a baste
that wud dhrop the o from the name OF
him as the 'possum has. as."-Indiauapolis
Journal.
''AIrs. Migg's children look 50 neg
lected, poor things; is she away2' "No;
she is spending her time writing those
beautiful articles, 'How to Make Home
Attractive for the Children. '"-Chicago
Inter-Ocean.
Tuff Muggs-"So you got clear O.
that larceny charge, ehl Must "a hada
purity smart lawyer" Blrryl Howes-
"Naw. He was regular chump. Only
charged S25 for clearin' me. - Indian
apolis Journal.
lmportunate Borrower--"But have
family to support, my dear fellow"
Unwilling Vlctim-"Al the more
reason, my dear fellow, for your not try
ing to hold up all your friends. kate
Fields Washington.
"Ullom said the messenger boy.
saint you workin' no more, kidi"
"Naw," said the ex-oticeboy, ~ amt.
Pm on a strike. Der wakin' delight
came around an said we wuz to cit
double price fer lickin' desc new STAMPS,
or go out. An went out. Indian.
apolis Journal.
Little Flory-"Would you mind let
ting me put your ring in the bath tub
few minutesp Mr. Pridee--' WHAT
fort" Little Flory--"Sister Madge said
last week she knew you'd put your ring
in soak to get the flowers you sent her,
aud l wanted TO try it aud see il / could
get some. Inter Ocean.