The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1893-09-23
THE LIMEKiLN CLUB.
Prof. Moses Scott's Predictions Regard
Ing the Future of the Race.

concluded, Brother Gardner announced
tha. Prof. Moses Scott, of South Carroll
ma, the inventor Of the two-handled
plantation hoe, was in the anteroom and
would deliver brief address before the
club. All the lamps were turned up a
notch or two, and Waydown Beebe and
Sir Isaac walpole slipped out aud
brought the distinguished visitor in. He
was a two-story man of somewhat an
cient appearance, but he created favor
able impression by bis calm demeanor as
he mounted the platform To begin with:
"My frens, de subjeck Of my address
am entitled de Fucher Of de Guild
Man. Some Of yo' know what de word
fucher' means an some Of yo' don't.
Fur de benefit of dc latter will explain
dat it means tomorrer, next week, next
y'r. De past am what has tooken place
an slid away from us. DE fucher am de
joys an sorrows in store fur us. hev q
few predickshuns 10 make. l invented
'em myself. While l hev not de faintest
suspishun dat any member OF dis club
would be onery 'nuf to steal any Of desc
predickshuns fur his own IL may be jist
as we'll fur me to announce de fact dat die
address am patented from top TO bottom
an am dangerous fur any outsider to fool
wild.
Il predickt dat de problem of perpet-
ual moshun will be solved by a Guild
man widin de next fifty Vars. Cheers.
De white man has monkeyed wild il till
he am clean tired, an il has bin left fur
US to grapple wild. Some day, when de
black man feels iist right, an hant got
nothin' to worry bout. he'll spit on his
hands, frow down his ole hat, an put
dem wheels together an start de machine
to runnin' [Yells.l He won't think he
has done anything very smart. but hull
world will ri'z an hail him rs de biggest
man in it. [Thundering applause, dur
ing which some plastering fell from the
ceiling.
81 predickt de solution in de next
quarter of century of lie problem of de
fyin' man. [Whoops.l Vars of time
and milyons Of money hev bin devoted
to dis matter by de white man, but he
am jist whar he started from-still walk
in around in de snow, dust an mud.
No Guild man has wasted 2 cents WORT
of time on de problem, but some evenin'
u
20 bed an de ole woman am finishin' up
the ironin' in de kitchen, some man OF
our race will git out de wings, springs,
cogwheels an odder truck, put 'em to-
gether shipshapc. and take little jour
ney of thirty miles an back befo' de ole
woman has got down to the last towel.
He'll 90 to bed wishin' he was able to
hev Goldfish fur breakfast, an he'll wake
up able TO hev fried oysters ebery meal
doorn' de rest of his life. More thun-
dering applause and plaster
'If we had bridge across de Allan
tic ocean to London or Liberpool, we
could hitch de ole mewl TO dc cart, load
de family In an drive ober dar an see
how de folks was comm on an il de
price of taters was up or down. DE
white man can't build dat bridge. He's
figgered an planned an lost u heap o.
sleep ober it. but it's no go. predickt
dat widin the next hundred Vars some
Guild man will grasp de situashun just
as easy as frowin' plank across mud
puddle, and de nashuns OF de world will
pat him on de back and speak Of him as
a second Columbus. ICheers and whoops
which brought five policemen in the
alley
81 predickt dat dc fust man 10 reach
dc norf pole will be of our color. Up to
de present time none of us hev cared a
copper 'boul norf poles or east poles or
any odder sort OF poles. Wc's bin layin'
back TO gin de white man n show. He
can't fetch it, 1t may not be ober var
hence when black man will stand Oh
de top OF dat norf pole an wave do
starry banner In de balmy breeze an cry
'Yurckyv which means 'Pze cotched IT,. ,
IChecrs which sagged the stovepipe six
inches and put out the lamps.
"De white man has bin troubled bout
do moon fur de last TO hundred vars
He hsn't any better Oft to-day dan when
he begun squintin' and fggerin'. Oar
may be a nashun OF people up dar. wild
persimmons CROWN on every tree an
watermillyons lastin' de var round, or 1t
may be muffin but n sort OF annex fur dc
ovcrplus Of angels to ny around in. We's
bin waitin' fur dc white man to gin us n
pinter, but he has frowed up his hands
an quit de job. Who kin solve dat mys-
ters9 He may be right in dis room. II
not, he's sartinly among de three mill
yon GUILD men in dis kentry. De day
will come when well know jist as much
bout de moon as we do bout New Jer-
sey, an wen owe IL all TO black man.
ISuch thunders Of applause that Brother
Gardner had to step down and mop the
floor with Giveadam Jones TO check IL
and save the only piece Of plaster left on
the ceiling.
"My frcns," continued the orator
when his voice could again be heard,
''my address contains sixty-four pre-
dickshuns, an here give yo only five.
! do not wish to occupy yo'r valuable
time. After this meeting is busted up
yo' will find me in the ante-room. My
book containin' de full sixty.four pre-
dickshuns. along wild rules to tell a
nevis aige, and sixteen remedies fur
carbuncles and chilblains, will be on sale
at 30 cents copy. Also, asample Of my
pl,ntashun two-handled hoe, which kin
be ordered Mt 6 bits apiece When yo'
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