Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-03-06
JUST FOR FUN.

Lantern awed people can't always
throw light on a subject.
Justifable homicide sleighing
some other fellows sister.
Love may be blind, but he knows
when the parlor lamp is too high.
The man with plenty of fat mort
cages lives on the lien of the land
A Boston man thinks there is too
much repartee in the Episcopal SER
vice.
The man who owns a folding bed
doesn't have to look for something to
turn up.
The weather reporter is authority
for the statement that Noah was the
first man to use the arc light.
The President of the Bank of Waverly Iowa
says: Sulphur Bitters saved my life. For ten
years suffered from Catarrh and Liver Com
plant; lost forty -fve pounds and was grow
ing worse rapidly. 1 had lost all faith in
medicine, but hearing your Bitters so well
recommended, gave them trial. Six bottles
cured me.-Snaith p. Hunt, WaverIy, Tolea.
Papa-How long is that hill where
you coast? Warren-About three sec
onds down and ten minutes up.
Criticus-Why do they call this oil
painting rare, 1 wonder? Candid
Because it is not well done, presume.
Teacher = In the sentence, ''The
sick boy loves his incidence" what
part of speech is love? It's a lie, mum.
1t is curious how much faster a
street car humps along when you are
running after it than when you are
riding on it.
An Irish carpenter fell from the
roof to the ground, and when picked
up remarked, 81 was coming down af-
ter nails any way"
The man who is able to travel ex-
tensively can generally learn enough
in year to make a bore of himself
all the rest of his life.
BUCKLEN's ARNIcA SALvE.-The Best Salve
in the world for Cuts, Bruises Sores, Ulcers,
Salt Rheum, Fever Sores, letter Chapped
Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and all Skin Erup-
tions, and positively cures Piles, or no pay re-
quired. 1t is guaranteed to give perfect sat
isfaction, or money refunded. Price 25 cents
per box. For Sale by H. c. Pierce.
] see you have a new typewriter.
Yes, the other one and quarrelled
SO much, that 1 was afraid that it
would end in marriage.
Mrs. Youngwife-T has a dread
full disposition, l find. Mother-What
does he do? Mrs. Youngwife - Do,
why he never gets mad when 1 do.
An article on how to sit down grace
fully, which is now being run to a
considerable extent by the papers of
the country, is particularly timely.
There are too many singers in the
choir who do not know any more
about the gospel they sing than the
town pump does about the taste of
water
When Coleridge was asked by Lady
Beaumont whether he believed in
ghosts, he replied, sob, no, madam,
have seen too many to believe in
them.'
Won't you try to love me? he plead
ed. No, Mr.. Adams, / can not, she
answered. am not very strong, and
my physician has advised me not to
do too much.
Don't delay; always be on time, for proven
tion is better than cure. All coughs and colds
and such affections of the throat and lungs
as lead to consumption are cured by Dr.Bulrs
Cough Syrup.
Bowling has become a fashionable
means of physical exercise. Shovel
ing snow is just as effective, but it
lacks style and costs nothing, hence
it is not popular.
"Dey is a good temperance sermon
in freight train" says Uncle Most.
''No matter how much de cars dey
gifts loaded, de injine wat does de
work gifts along strickly on water"
Mother-Why aren't you and Geor
gle as good boys as your little broth
er? Young Hopeful guess it's cause
you'd had more experience bringin'
up boys wen you commenced on him.
R. A. Lindsay late of No. 3 Engine Compa-
ny, Baltimore City Fire Department says, that |
the N embers of his Company have used SAL |
Walton Oil in cases of sprains and soreness |
with most gratifying results. 1t is the best.
OILY rs cts.