Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1893-05-06
THOUGHTS.

do you DelleVe tnat Bacon naQ any
thing to do with Hamleti' 'No. 1 think
Hamlet's trouble was his liver. Truth.
"You are the world to me-" he whisper
ed. "All right" she answered. "you can
be the sun. Pm going to marry your
father."-Quips of Buffalo.
II April showers bring May flowers"
As .rtain rhymesters say,
This soaked and sozzted earth OF ours
Indianapolis Journal.
stDixon Gays their cook is an angel" 'Is
it because she keeps dinner until he
comesn "No; she lighted the FIRE with
coal oil, poor thiug."-Chicago. Inter
Ocean.
"Why do you ask me for my autograph
asked the poet, who liked to hear words OF
praise. because you are the only one who
can write It," said the applicant meekly.-
Vogue.
A Mistake Somewhere.-Editor-
say these jokes are originsli Mr.. Chest
| nuts Ia humorous writer)-Yes, cir. "Then
you must be a much older man than l take
you for."-Life.
Teacher in physiology class-Now, John
ny, how many senses have youi Johnny
(very promptly)-Five. Correct, Now,
what are theyl" "All ies."-Roches-
ter Democrat.
Cholly (throwing away q half-smoked
cigsrette)-I wondsh why the last half of q
cigawette isn't fit to smokei The major
Perhaps for the same reason that the first
half isn't.-Life.
Tommy-Paw, did you go to Sunday
school every day when You was boyl Mr..
Figg-Of course 1 did. Why's TOMMY
thought you maybe went only on Sundays.
Indianapolis journal.
An Oblivious Customer
Where did you get that watcha Prisoner
bought it, your Worshipi Magistrate
Wheref Prisoner-In the Domstrasse.
Magistrate-What did it costl Prisoner
(after psuse)-'Pon my word, quite for.
got to ask-Herriedener Lsubfrusch.
After q struggle, in which the express
man and the big cousin Joined forces, the
lid of Bessie's big Saratoga trunk was
crowded down. "Ohl" said the girl, my
dinner dresses! They'll be ruinedl" "No,
opened you'll zee their lovelfness in
oreases. Boston Herald.
Extra Punishment-Governor of jail
Tin passion, to wsrder)-I say, Huber, the
scoundrel has turned refractory once
more; put him on bread and water for two
days a week. Vanderbilt, Governor, he
Is already doing a couple of fast dsys.
Governor-Then give the fellow cookery
book to read on those day.-Ueber Land
und Meer.
Mrs. Perfecto-I don't see what there is
funny In oil these jokes the papers are
printing about women buying bad cigars
to give to their husbands. Mr.. Perfecto-
You don't, cha Ha. hal A woman never
can see a joke. Mrs. Perfecto-Perhaps
not, dear, but you didn't laugh q bit that
night your political club gave you a EUR
price serenade and had provided those
great big cigars wrapped up in gold leaf to
give to them.-Puck.
The story of the rich mans selling all
| he had and giving unto the poor was the
| subject of discussion in certain Sunday
| school class not long ago. The teacher
| was illustrating the moral that the lesson
conveys. One of her most attentive listen
ers was little fellow scarcely six years
| old, but as bright as dollar, and with g
tongue that uses the Queens English in 6
manner that would make the motherIy old
soul squirm if she heard 1t. Now" said
the teacher, very impressively, 'lf &
man Is fortunate enough to make &
million dollars in the course of his life Il
is his duty to give half of It at least to the
poor" Yes" interrupted prim little
| girl In ons corner, t'but how many mer
make a million dollars In the course ot
their livesf There was silence for {
moment, when the little fellow chirped II
the caustic answer: "Darn few. w."-Utici
| oeeryer