Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-06-28
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
Perspiration is now getting the
drop on us.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
Don't sit in a draught. If you
do. the doctor will in all probability
be the one to cash it.--Troy Press.
He-"Now when we are married
! can amuse YOU.
She-"You do that now.
Truth.
The modern landlord doesn't get
frightened when he sees the hand
writing on the wall. He just gets
mad. Buffalo Courier.
Jess "Jack virtually told Maud
that she used powder" Bess -
What did she say?" Jess-"Sim-
ply exploded" New York Herald.
He (passionately)-"I love you
above all others on earth" She
III never thought you would go back
on yourself like that. The Club.
The theory that man descended
from the monkey doesn't seem so
ridiculous after you have seen the
scorchers in hot bicycle race
Boston Globe,
Now, he's what | call an all
round nthelete," said Crimsonbeak
when he discovered young Sprinter
with his arms about his daughter.
-Yonkers Statesman.
"Did he marry the girl who
could paint things on crockery
ware?" mo; he married one who
could cook things to put into crock
ery ware.-New York Press.
Jack-"Td give your chaperon IS
TO look the other way for mo-
ment." Jess-"How dare you sug-
gest such thing: quarter is all
she expects" New York Herald.
There goes man who made q
success of marrying for money.
"You don't say So" "1es. |
know gave him s25 for marrying
nv wife and me" w ashington
Star.
New Yorker-"You don't have
any rapid transit where you live, |
supposeP" Kansas-"Don't, hey?
Well, stranger, you'd orter see
some of our cyclones''-New York
Herald
Her Chief Concerns She
Jack, that man is staring at me
dreadfully." He--"Shall | go over
and thrash himP" She-"No; but
do tell ne if look all right. ~
Brooklyn Life.
He know that you love me,
dearest She -."Then t-can- never
marry you." He--"Why not?"
She" because ! have sworn never
to marry a man who knows more
than ] do,-Truth.
Heavy father-"What prospects
have YOU, sir?" Suitor- "Well, if
] marry your daughter ii will
strengthen my credit so much that
I'll be able to live on tick for
year at least. brooklyn Eagle.
lie VI shall never marry until |
meet woman who is my direct op-
posite." She (encouragingly)--
"Well, MIR. Duffer, there are num-
bers Of bright, intelligent girls
right in this neighborhood. Art
in Advertising.
How is 1t with youf" asked the
editor of subscriber who was dy-
ing in arrears. "All looks bright
before me" gasped the subscriber.
II thought So" said the editor, "in
about ten minutes you'll see the
blaze, Oil City Derrick.
Van Arndt-"And do you really
think you could support us in the
style to which we have been accus-
tomed?" Her father-"I really |
think So" Van Arndt--'Then |
you may become my father-in-law."
Kate Fields Washington.
Bailiff Ito rural justice --"Y our
honor, there's man in court has
got bill for $40 agin' you" JUS
tice--"Good. I'll fine him SIS for
contempt O. court. See that he re-
ceipts the bill, an fetch me the
odd $o."-Atlanta Constitution.
The Views of Veteran Chaper-
one-"Doesn't Mrs. Maxwell be-
lieve in co-education Of the sexes?"
"Coeddcation?- | should say not
Why, she believes that a girl ought
to be raised so carefully that when
she sees man she will say, what
is that. mammal Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Binks-"Our neighbor.
Minks, was shot at by burglar and