Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1893-12-03

WIZ pcictotr bIOtnih tVA 1NopAtt fNts
Indifference, and II you want 10 blight his
affection, Just let him get peep at your
head. with It's newspaper acreage, ana
II he isn't cured, then his case Is hope
less one. Yes. adorable visions OF the
sparkling social world. Il VIII cure him.
He may have thought that there was
halo OF sweetness around your little
Uranium when you appeared In the par
lor. hut once he gets an accidental glance
at those curl-papers. and the halo IL
smashed like broken barrel-hoop. Per-
haps you marvel how l have ever had
an opportunity TO make thorough IN
vestlgation of curl-papers and tnelr
practical workings. Alasl dear caramel
chewers. ''manys the hope that has
vanished Just on account OF those same
little bits OF square paper-manys the
sweet csput that I've seen transformer
from a sea OF unduiating tresses 10
checker-bosrd OF Journalistic contrlbu-
lions.
Rev. DR.. W. w. Landrum, the popular
Baptist minister. can preach an excel
lent sermon, and, what Is more ne can
tell a fine joke. The beauty about MS
stories is that they are all rue-he
wouldn't tell them II they weren t-and
10 add additional interest, he always per-
sonally vouches for the fact that he was
present on each occasion when the funny
things occurred No matter whether the
scenes Of Or. Landrums jokes are laid
In New Zealand or Kalamazoo, you can
count on the fact that he was there.
IL not present I'm body he was at lest
present in spirit, which Is just az good,
50 far as the tale Is concerned Not long
ago the Doctor was according TO sworn
afidaviD at the meeting of an august
body of Baptists who had assembled
missionaries
who desired to work among the heathen.
Among the applicants was one long
scrawny young man who desired 10 go
10 China In his dry, deliberate.
break-it-to- you-slowly tones he answered
all the questions without hesitation, and
correctly, too. Finally. when the interro-
cations of the Mission Board had ceased
one OF the gentlemen said: You nave
passed n satisfactory examination, out
there's one objection I've got TO you.
What's that?' queried the elongated
asplrant
You're not married" said the gentle
man.
But ] don't want 10 get married,
said the would-be missionary
WHY, there re lots Of pretty girls IN the
South that would be glad to accept you.
and then a wife would be spiritual
guide, a help in your labors, ana n sup
port I'm your work. We Wouiu give YOU
more to support her. too
How much would II cost 10 take
wife 10 Chlna?" querled the would-be
reformer of the pigtalers, % II he had
concluded that perhaps better half
would be worth having under the circum-
stances
"Oh! | don't exactly know" replied
the member OF the Mission Board, but
We would pay her expenses over"
Eyes, but ! want TO know just exactly
what II would cost" replied the future
missionary, with increasing Interest
We'll, lets say about three hundred
dollars" was the reply.
Then. sir II It's all the same TO you
gentlemen" slowly drawled the attenua-
ted sspirant, "Tl take the money In cl-
CARS and tobacco"
An, boys, how many Of you are taking
Il out in cigars and tobacco. and possibly
something worse, too, when there Is
little heart that H. just yearning for you
to say two words-"License and preach
err"
-
! Richmond. like her worthy and not far
distant imitator. New York, has large
| floating population at this season. pop
ulation that is here to-day and gone TO-
morrow Strictly speaking, It Is great
| IN-travellsd population, and one wen
versed in worldly ways. IL IL a popula-
| ton that has never known the Joys OF
I soap-a population that regards water,
not like the Frenchman. as "ht TO wash
/ with" but as suitable only for purposes
! Of irrigation. These strange and transit
4 ent citizens scorn manual labor, but they
I are INTELLECTUALLY constructed TO receive
! contributions Of pie. and have no eccen-
( trio views about the silver question, so
b long as the coin comes In the form OF
/ donations and they are the beneficiaries
OF the gifts To plain. everyday cit-
| zens these mystic individuals, with their
I hides corrugated by the sUii OF many
/ lands. are known az tramps, but to the
( poetic world they appear as knights 81
the turnpike"
Even as flies congregate Indoors on
rainy days so these non-immaculate
wayfarers mobilize their forces In tho
! cities when the frosty breath OF winter
sears the meadows and the forests.
! They bob up one day. and on the next
they disappear wearing away our last
| summers trousers and the shirts that
our wives have found too ragged to SELL
| On evenings cold they ssek the shelter
OF the police-station, and courteously
! greeting the officers they request lodgings
| for the night. All the headquarters keep
| registers Of the tramps who desire their
| hospitality, and in every case the visitor
| IL forced TO give his name and TO answer
| other questions.
-
You should see them smile when Ser
geant Cosby or Sergeant Howard ASKS
| n they are looking for work. In every
case they answer Yes" but 1t Is one or
those Alternatives that mean negative
I'p TO last Wednesday night the FIRST
District officers had entertained ia OF tho
knights" for the month of November
while the Second District had thrown us
"sheltsr1pg arms" around 40. Last IN
the race, but by no means least In nos
| vitality. came the Third District, with lA
| guests on its register.
Beneath the strata OF dirt that cover
the tramp there Is a vein OF patnos
| Sometimes the pie they get ls not Whal
| IL is represented to be. and someumes
/ It weighs heavily upon, or rather wlthih
them. | was reading about one Of these
sad incidents Il few days ago. The TURN
pike ornament asked the hOusekeeper for
| something TO eat. and scrutinizing the
wayworn traveller she said: Aren't you
| the tramp | gave slice OF pie to last
year2" Yves. madam" he respectfully
replied with a tremor OF grief In MS
voice. II am that tramp. and have mat
pie with me yet"
Rut this Is only one OF the pathetic
occurrences in the life Of the knight.
| The most pltiful thing I'm their lives now
adays is the fact that they are forbidden
| 10 GO 10 Manchester-unless they enlist
| in the chain gang. It's awful TO be for
/ hidden to enter the gates Of that bus
Ting metropolis. and yet. ! suppose itS
stu more horrible to be forced TO join
/ its chain-gang.
| -
NV business takes me all over the
town. and at all hours of the day and
night | rummage around from house to
house In search OF things 10 please the
public. There's no telling when I'll drop
in on you, but as general thing you
can count on its being at the most I'M
seasonable hour. Just after breakfast,
when you are expecting the days mar
! ketlng and can't resist the curiosity
which prompts you to answer the door
/ hall 7 hoh nm serenely How often have