St. Paul daily globe., 1893-06-11


car. man rushed wildly down the street.
foaming at the mouth and apparently in
great distress. The crowd scattered to allow
him to pass. and Hooked timidly around, ex-
pecting mad dog to jump at my throat. lie
ran for block further and then quickly dis
appeared from sight and WAS swallowed up
in the depths of the corner drug store. fol-
lowed him that far and heard him yelling,
Murder, thieves. help, help. give me an
emetic, quick!'' After he felt better he told
his pathetic tale to a crowd of sympathizing
listeners. Until they heard the entire story
they all kept at a safe distance from the vic
tim of this sad experience, for fear he had
hydrophobia and his jaws might clash to-
gether upon the anatomy Of some unwary
individual
He was an unsophisticated country youth
who had come to town to view the Hill cele-
bration. Not being used to celebrations on
such gigantic scale. some of the celebrating
went to his head and ON the following morn
ing he awoke with terrible headache He
thought he would inquire at the nearest drug
store for cuIe for the distressing pain He
sauntered into the store, and whilst he
awaited his turn to be served he examined
the showcases, intent upon learning all he
could during his brief leave of absence from
the farm. Upon counter he espied an in
nocent-looking little white envelope. He
picked it up and saw that headache" was in
cluded amongst the various ills, from corn
10 smallpox, for which this tiny envelope
contained a sure cure He decided to try this
wonderful remedy and returned triumph
antly TO his hotel armed with the en-
velope.
The envelope contained two powders. one
in white paper and one in blue one. Di-
rectlons said mix in separate glasses of
water, which he accordingly did, and then
drank first one and then the other Then
the trouble began. Up got his heart and
tried to thump hole through his lungs,
while his liver turned over. his ribs tried to
break loose, his head whirled and foam is
sued from his nose and mouth. He felt like
ii bottle OF mineral water and was trying
to find doctor o h, nital when l met
him. One heartless wretch snggested that
he had better go 10 ST. eter and sell him.
self to a druggist for a soua unta 1.
AS he finished his story, the hotel clerk
rushed breathlessly in, accom- panied by po-
who had dashed through the office, creating
havoc and leaving destruction i'll his track.
They pounced upon our unfortunate cele-
brater, but mutual explanations ensued, and
after he had paid for the furniture he had
overturned and demolished, he was allowed
to return to his haystack wiser and a sadder
farmer. The next time he tries to take
Sedlitz powder he will get special instruc-
nd of pOiDant
physicians.
I called on an acquaintance last week,
whom l had always supposed was one Of the
most sedate and well balanced women in ST.
Paul. l was ushered into the reception room
ana was soon comfortably perched upon the
edge of one of those enticing but deceptive
gilt chairs which look so innocent but are
really quite wicked enough to lose leg.
dump you into the CRATE in most undignifed
manner and get your society smile mixed up
with the fire bricks. AS sat on this death
trap and patiently awaited the end. my
acquaintance proceeded to open up that
extraordinary subject, the state of the atmos-
phere =.
-
was just about to remark. in the learned,
scientific manner which suited such deep
topic. thai II feared we should have rain be-
fore the week was out" But when l got to
Il feared" up jumped my sedate hostess.
ran over to a corner of the room at a break
neck speed, and clapped her hands repeated-
ly over her head, and then quietly returned
to her seat. l pretended to take no notice of
such a really remarkable performance and
started in again on the same interesting
topic. / have not been calling very often
lately and thought ! might have fallen be.
hind the times. and did not want to display
my ignorance. This performance might be
a new Deisarte movement especially invent
ed for the upper ten. fi
This time l got as far as II feared it."
when she sprang to her feet, glided stealthily
to the piano ana banged that unotfending
instrument with her fist; then she became
seated once more. l began to feel uneasy.
perhaps she has spells of St Vitus dance"
thought l, but before calling in help l de-
cided to await developments. She looked so
quiet and graceful as she reclined in her
chair that l confidently started in again. but
1 never got beyond II fear" Just as opened
my mouth she seemed to be taken with a
movement she overturned her chair, and
'sprang to the mantel and slapped that then
away she went to table and thumped that.
-
By this time was reduced to mere fright
ened pulp. Surely 1 would be the next vic.
tim. l had on my new spring dress and did
not care to have it torn from my person by
inches. l did not know what minute she
might reach for me. have always heard it
was good idea to keep your eye fixed stead
lily on wild beasts and lunatics. / would not
wish to class my genlle hostess with the for
mer. but 1 sadly feared she was fast ap-
preaching the latter So glared at her with
my eagle eye, while / endeavored to reach
the door, meanwhile being careful to keep
plenty of furniture between us. She did not
seem to notice me at all, as around and
around she scampered like cat having fit.
AS l reached the door and was about to recite
q prayer OF thankfulness quietly. and make
my unostentatious exit, she saw me. Now
for battle, thought l, and stood with um-
brella presented, ready to charge bayonets
and fight for life and my new spring dress.
just then she seemed to partially come to-,
and between breaths she gasped: "Oh, beg
your pardon; but those wretched moths do
annoy me so this season, ana that one in
variably escapes me-" What relief! Not
lunatics, only moths
~
I was about to begin once more on 81
feared" etc., when up she bounced, and
with the exclamation: Now 1 have you,
you wretch" slap! bang! came her fist down
on my new bonnet and crushed it fiat to nv
head. arose in my wrath, gave that woman
one look, which should have completely
demoralized her, and swept from that house
in as dignifed a manner as could q person
whose hat was crushed over their lef. ear
and their switch coming off. I have since
made 1t a principle to carefully INQUIRE
amongst my friends whether they are
troubled with moths before call. 1 am not
anxious to meet any more moth hunters. NV,
peace OF mind and my clothes are too yalu-
able.
1 saw a runaway Thursday. When it
started it was very mild affair indeed. Al
nice old horse just trotting along by himself,
doubtless thinking his driver needed a little
exercise and would soon catch up with him.
Around an opposite corner came fussy old
woman, holding a closed green umbrella.
Then the excitement began ssDo you saa