Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-03-30
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND Do
lNGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to
Have Been Recently Born-Sayings and
Doings that Arc Odd, Curious and
Laugh able.
Sllarps and Flats.

JUST now it is sole-leather trust
that is on foot Rochester Post.
If you want to know woman's
faults, ask her dearest female friend.
WE may as we'll settle on the snow
drop as the national flower. -Phila-
delphia Record.
"MY wife" said Squills, proudly,
"is queen of the tea-table, and she
never reigns but she pours."
"OH, dear" whimpered little Bill
leboy, looking out at the storm, this
is a very weathery winter. Boston
Herald.
"WuAT are you wearing glasses fOr?"
"For my eyes, stupid. S'pose Pm
wearing them for corns?"
Magazine.
THE widow-Did you marry in
haste and repent at leisure2 The
divorcee-Not much. We married
leisure and repented in haste. Truth.
Observation-Disclosures aqueer chap.
Blobbs-How so? Wigwag-He got
hot last night when his cook let the
furnace fire go ut.-Philadelphia
Record.
WATTs-What is the matter with
Thompson? He has got SO he STAN
mers all the time. Potts---His wife
made him stop swearing. -Indianap
Oils Journal.
A MAINE man will send to Chicago
a spar sixty feet in length and with
| out bend or crook in it. 1t would
make a fir straight flagstaff.
delphia Ledger.
IMMIGRANT inspector--Your ma
tionality, please. Immigrant-Oirish.
Immigrant nspector-What is your
occupation? Immigrant - OHM a
E'rinch nurse. Puck.
"WAs Rome founded by Romeo?"
inquired a pupil of the teacher. "No,
my son." replied the wise man; at
was Juliet who was found dead by
Romeo "-Drake's Magazine.
HUsBAND-I pity the poor milk
man this morning; he looks awfully
discouraged since these inspectors
were appointed. Wifc-Yes, but the
milk doesn't look quite so blue.-In-
ter Ocean.
THE Idaho Senator who accom-
panied charges against a fellow mem
Der by a bottle of mucilage, which he
threw at the latter's head, evidently
wanted his charges to stick.-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
81 HAVE good news for you, cousin
Emily My uncle has just settled all
my obligations" as that so? Then
| l., in1 oil "a rirlc to
whom you have engaged yourself. -
F'liegende Blaetter.
MERCHANT Catching his clerk MAX
ing love to his daughter during bust
ness hours)-Why, Herr Mueller,
what is this? De | pay you salary
for this kind of work? Clerk-No:
| l do it gratis. -Ulk
! RUTH-"No girl could have refused
him if he had proposed to her as
| sweetly as he proposed to me-" Ma
| bel-"But you must remember, dear,
| that he has had a great deal of eXpe-
rience. "-Harper's Bazaar.
THE New York Sun reports that
old Diogenes lately returned to the
earth with lantern to repeat the
looking-for IAN honest man act, but,
was seen two hours later cunning for
the scOundrel who "stole my lantern"
MR.. LEGAL GABBY-If your neigh
boris dog Injuries one of your chick
ems you can collect damages, but if
he Injuries one of your children you
cannot. What is the moral of that?
Friend-Raisc chickens. Texas Stiff
| ings
THE janitor of one of the Portland
public schools, coming into the class
room one day recently saw ON the
black board this sentence: Find the
greatest common divisor." "Hullo,"
said he, lis that burned thing lost
again?" Journal.
DO YOU take the Texas Agricult-
| urist?" Il used to, but | don't any
more The editor insulted me-.
REALLY. In what way?" The other
day called on him and asked his
opinion as to the best way of raising
hogs, and he told me to pull myself
up with derrick. Texas Siftings
STRANGER (after placing Their
mometer in bath-tub full of hot
water)-"See, now, the water in
stead of being Is degrees, as I or
dered, is 81 degrees" Attendant
I'm not surprised at that, consider
ing how long you let the thermome-
ter stand in the water. "-Fliegende
| Blaetter.
IRATE CUsToMER-"Seeh here, you
blame skin! You said them clothes
wouldn't shrink-just look at 'em. ~
| Bowery Dealer-"Mine frient, dos,
clos have not shrink, ven you get
back to de country dey will fit like,
! paint. You was not ACCUSTOMED to.
| de city air and it hat bloated you. -
! Des Moines Argonaut.