The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1893-07-05
Newberry Sorts.

w q II CudI 0ClSI dOOut
town-who you'd have furnished d
sketch for Dickens in the days Of Oil
| yer Twist-and who is also something
of local wag and musicianer, stepped
up to the dispensary Saturday fer bis
usual weekly supply of the dispensed
and dispensing article. The eagerness
of his heart for the liquid that would
give solid comfort shone through his
swapping eyes, and his mouth wa.
tered as he thought of how the birds
would soothe him with their lullabys
in the early dawn of the succeeding
day as he would scratch his head and
reach out bis arms for the accustomed
little brown bottle of booze.
Said Dispenser Maybin: "l'm afraid
to let you have it, sir; for believe you
get drunk"
when did you ever hear of my get
ting drunk?" asked thirsty.
Don't you remember" answered
the dispensiarie, "that you used &c go
serenading about eight, or nine years
ago? Well, you got tight then-and
you might now"
Great Scot! Maybin. Must the sins
of a man in the eighties be visited upon
him in the nineties? Will you never
forget? How long will the scent of the
roses hang round that vase? The way
of the transgressor Is hard.
~
Can fishes hear? that is the question
discussed in certain quarters since one
of our toWnsmen tried to prove that a
fish had q heart. You know when
you go a-fshing the other fellow is
forever saying, ''-'sh, don't talk, the
fish won't bite" That remark has
been handed down from the time
Pharaoh's daughters fshed in the bull
rushes and caught little Nose. But
now another townsman comes along
and Notwithstanding that the dis
pensary has been established), knocks
this popular tradition into pi by boldly
asserting that fishes can't hear worth
darn. We have been fondly taught
to believe from generation to genera
ton that fish could hear. Vanished
into thin air another happy dream,
and gone the golden illusion of the
bright heretofore. Oh! noble Roman,
what hast thou done? Thou hast dis
PEELED the fancy of youth, and brought
to nought the cherished idea that one
could sit for hot hours on the unfailing
banks of the river Bush, amid the life
everlasting and the golden rod, and
have the satisfaction of thinking that
the big fishes could hear him as
he raked mot in1 the little minnows
for nibbling off all his bait. But it's
all gone.
~
The Sons of Rest indefi nitely post
poned their annual summer banquet,
on account of the scarcity of fruit.
The committee on vegetables also sub
mitted an unfavo1able report, and the
meteorological committee could not
agree on the weather. The tempera-
ture was too mean. However, some
of the mem bers, who have taken the
honorary degree, contemplate taking
IN the kohn excursion to Atlanta on
the goth, to see what can be picked up.
A resolution was passed thanking the
Infanta Eulalie for delaying her visit
to Newberry this dull season. Sym
pathy was also expressed for the man
who recently lost his bottle of milk in
the spring through the cussed igno-
rance or ignorant cussedness of some
crooked neck squash Of q little niger
who mistook the bottle for pizen and
broke it. The poor little mig thought
he was doing his duty, but he failed
and came to grief in his own heart.
''Romeo, where is Juliet?"
#x*
Some say there is nothing new un-
der the sun. There is. Witness the
following conversation:
Two men met in the middle OF the
big road on Blue Ruin hill.
'FGood morning."
"Good morning."
'How are you this morning?'
'I'm we'll. How are you?"
pretty well. How's your family?'
"Tolerable. Yours well?"
"They're about, thank you. Nice
morning."
"Fine; but wasn't it hot last night?''
Pretty warm. Won't it be hot by
IL, though?n
"Well, what do you know?'
Nothing new. You know anything
newg'
Nothing at ALL"
Morning"
"'Mornlng."
NEEDLE.