The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1893-08-26
VANN WRITES 1T OUT
He Proposes to Have a Great Crowd
at This Time.
A Club of Inquiry Will Soon Be Estab-
lished Here.
SAM DIXON WILL HAVE A BIG JOE
Pat IunsfOrd Will Have "A Great Task
on Hand from This Time on,
We Know.

Hear me-, friends who this banquet grace:
It's sweet TO play the fool in time and pace,
And wine can Of their wits the wise beguilc,
Make the sage frolic, ard the serious smile,
The grave in mtrty measures frisk about,
And many "A long repented word bring out.
Ulysses in the odyssey
Hitherto science has ANONYMOUSLY
failed to grapple with some Of the per
plexities pertaining % domestic economy;
there are problems which this erratic
hand maid OF knowledge will never lie
able TO solvc-mysreries that re sou, in
its present shape, would rather not cope
with. Now that is all wrong or at least
this is the view which "The UnraveliDg
Clique"-a Durham literary fraternity
has taken, and still takes in the premises
A word Of Introduction may not be out
Of place to the animated General Fran
els NJ. Barbec, our genial grocery man,
some time back hit upon the unique idea
Of organizing a club of inquiry said
club to deal exclusively with domestic
problems which had hitherto escaped, or
has been ignored by scientific and other
investigating associations.
The first meeting Of the club was held
last night in General Barbee's store
after organizing and selecting a name
for itself the general was, by acclamation,
ClaVc who, with the assistance of the
vice. chairman and the secretary, formu-
lated the necessary bylaws, and then
announced itself ready for business.
The chairman here suggested that a
lunch and smile" or two would, proba-
bly,, help fill up the intellectual vacuum,
as well as be an agreeable diversion
for the digestive apparatus. The hint
met with unanimous approval; then
Limburger cheese, Bologna sausage and
sauer kraut, supplemented with tempting
schOOners of schnapps, filled in fifteen
minutes of unalloyed g~astronomic de-
lights.
The debris of the banquet being re-
moved, Judge Pat Lunsford arose and
proposed the first problem for debate,
Constituent OleOmargarine - Healthy
or Deleterious :" Captain Sam Dickson
nOw took the floor, and in a speech full
of homeless logic advocated the good
points possessed by the heretofore doubt
full compound pointed to his own 70
tund obesity as ample and convincing
proof of its healthfulness stated as a
hard-shell fact that Oleomargarine and
yams, with a yearling 'possum every 4th
Of July, had been the sun total in the
way Of diet partaken of in his bachelor
schebang for the past eighty-five years
Captain Sam was evidently correct in
the proposition advanced, as no one
present disputed the point made as to
his personal diet-all knew his anti Bene
dict proClivities, too.
The clique now sang a selection from
The Swayback Mule interlarded with
choice variations from Beethoven's
"Champs Elysees," while a fleet of
sChooners continually unloaded their
cargo Of sc~hnappS at the festive wharf,
and h~ilarity was uncOntinCd
Judge Pat Lunsford was the next
orator, and took the negative side Of the
controversy explained how he, too, had
~monkeyed with the greasy compound
which, he said, could never claim the
remotest degree of kinship with an
honest COW blushed to acknowledge
that he was rather partial, at first, to
the oily fake until an unlucky circum-
stance revealed a woeful fraud He
then graphically told how The last pound
purchased Of General Burbee-had
bereft him Of the household pet, poodle
Gypsy who, in an unguarded moment
wallowed in the pan containing the &C
curst mixture, and five minutes after.
wards was as hairless as a peeled onion
and a corpse.
Audience became boiSterously excited
when this disclosure leaked out: some
prescribed tar and feathers as a very SD.
propriate summer costume for General
Barbee Others were of the opinion
that Judge Lynch was the proper
man TO arbitrate the difficulty. but the
majority very sensiblY exoneralcd him
from any blame N the matter, thus
bridging over the threatened chasm.