Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1893-07-10


stairs without being heard by your
wife.-Texas Siftings.
The man who was dissatisfied with
the menagerie said it was beastly
affair. r.-BinghamtOn Leader.
IT wasn't until woman started in
to improve her mathematics that
she began to count for much.-Troy
Press.
The assertion that a woman can't
keep a secret is dsproven by the way
a spinster holds her age.-Boston
Courier.
JAasoN says IL most mems con-
sciences should talk out loud they
would be sued for slander. Elmira
Gazette.
Dor (aged 6, on conclusion of song
by celebrated teno-) -)A"Papa, did that
man make all that noise on purpose?"
-Tid-Bits.
THE sawmill sometimes impresses
the operator which the fact that it has
an "off-hand" way Of doing things.
Boston Courier.
WHEN two people get mad at each
other, each begins to think of how
much he has done for the other
Atchlson Globe.
No, MAUD, dear, the chickwecd
and the eggplant are not members Of
the same botanical family.-Phila
delphia Record.
DAsHAwAY 4 have just been up in
the mountains for a little shooting.
Cleverton-Any luck? Dashaway-
One guide. Life.
"WAs the charity ball success?"
"Oh, my, yes. Our deficit was only
$40, and the Charity Society will have
to pay it."-Brooklyn Life.
"YoU must have perseverance, :"
said the young PHYSICIANS friend.
"No," was the reply, what want is
patients. "-Washington Star.
"OH, mamma" said little Ethel
| the first time she saw Chinaman,
"look at the gentleman with his eyes
cut bias. "-Washington Star.
You can tell more about mans
character by trading horses with him
than you can by hearing him talk in
prayer meetings. Rams Horn.
ToURIsT-l understand they raise
pretty nearly everything in this
county. Farmer = Everything but
mortgages, pardner. Express
Il DON'T loike ownn' me own
home" said Pat, after year of pro.
prietorship. at takes all the fun
out of not payin' rint -Harper's Ba.
Ear.
A LADY says that she could always
know when she had taken Just tco
much wine at dinner-her husbands
Jokes began to seem funny.--Sift-
inys.
A FARMER who wished to enter
some animals at an agricultural ex.
hibition, wrote as follows to the
secretary: ENTER me for jackass."
lid Bits.
IT doesn't do to be too careful.
The man who bit quarter and
found that 1t was bad, left it in such
shape that he couldn't pass it any.
where.-Puck.
FROM A LAST WILL.-"My faithful
servant Johann is to receive 1000
empty wine bottles, the contents of
which he drank during my lifetime"
-Fliegende Blaette-.
POSTAL Madam, this let
ter is over weight" Cora Spondence
why, how is that?" Postal Clerk
you have put two Columbian
stamps on it."-Puck.
WHAT is the name OF that ex-
Queen Of Hawaii never can re-
member it?" asked one Philadelphia
Of another. "Liliokawanamakcr,"
said the other. Truth
AGNEs-Why don't you break the
engagement II he is SO disagreeable
to you? Mamic-Well. you see, he's
given me hardly any presents as yet.
Atlanta Constitution.
The process Of trying to get an of.
flee is very simple. First, the ap-
plicants file their applications; then
the party in authority polishes them
off, off,-Philadelphia Times.
FITz-What does r. S. V. P. stand
for? Mac-Well, to judge by the
conduct or some society people, /
should say it means Rush In, Shake
hands, Victual up, and Put.-Puck.
BAeLEIeH-It's my opinion. that
Brown hasn't half the brains he
thinks he has. Probably
not, but did you ever think how nice
ly he could get along with even less
than that.-Detroit Tribune.
AN undertaken in Union, Tenn,
recently used his hearsc in pursuing
his daughter, who had cloped with
his assistant. Could the undertaken
overtaker is problem left unsolved
by tho accounts. = Philadelphia
Ledger.
FAIR CLIENT want to get a
divorce from my husband" Chicago
Attorney-."On what grounds" Fair
Client-"Well, we were marrled-"
Chicago "That's all that
is necessary. I'll send you the decree
G. o. D."-Puck.
Mrs. FITTs-"You write such short
letters when you are away. / don't