The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1893-06-23
TALKS AGAIN |
And He Writes a Smooth Letter
About Things.
The New Electric Chair One of the
Modern LuXuPies.
SAM DICKSON TO MAKE HIS WAY

SAM DICKSON TO MAKE HIS WAY
Col. f. VI. Barbee Opposed to the McKin-
ley Law and Other Laws and Wants
to Die at Once.
Various, that the mind
OF desultory man, studious of change,
And pleased with novelty. may be indulged."
Anonymous.
Gibb0n relates, in the decline and
Fall of the Roman Empire" that Rome
was once saved from sack and slaughter
by the nocturnal, but timely gable of a
goose and it is no less true that had not
David hid in the cave of Adullam, Uriah
might have been the father of Solomon,
and the Psalms of Asaph" would never
have been sung by the daughters, nor the
WRISTS of Israel. Judah's sceptre, with.
out divine interposition, then must have
disappeared forever? The answer to
the query is hidden in the secret ar
chives of fatality, and death, that dread,
calamitous horror of life, in silent mai.
esty possesses the key The most insig-
n~ificant occurrences of daily life nave fur.
nished, and are still furnishing the index
to marvellous discoveries-the oscillations
Of a chandelier in mute language limited
to Calico the possibility of measuring
time by a new process the simple fall of
an apple from it's parent tree furnished
to the comprehensive mind of Newton,
the grand theory Of universal gravitation
and the seductive clink of silver damned
the venal soul of Judas.
All, or nearly all of the discoveries in
science, the arts, medicine-the number
less things which 60 to make up the sum
total Of human happiness, are but the
results OF an acknowledged craving after
the unattainable-the elixir of immortal
youth, and its supposed attendant joys.
Electricity, a torch borrowed from Jove's
altar, now supplies the place of the alb
sent sun in the domestic economy by
it's aid the bucket shop gets immediate
quotations from Wall street, or the
amorous dude whispers eternal fidelity
into the eager ears Of his inamorata-
old fashioned courtship is a dead failure
and lost art. The red handed murderer
or effeminate assassin can now comfort
ably seat himself in the luxurious "elec'
trio chair" with the cheerful and firm
conviction that the next instant will
painlessly translate his immortal part
safely into glory's Observation-Disclosures
science, what a debt of gratitude we al
| owe you
In view of this fact, Captain Sam Dick
son and General Francis M. Barbee have
recently disposed of all their earthly
. chattels, given the proceeds to the
heather, and will in a few days start fol
New York to give the matter a persona
= test. Captain Sam says thai such an easy
exit from life and it's multitudinous tur
moils is far preferable TO the pain anC
anguish of unrequited love; while your
uncle General Francis is decidedly i'm
pressed with the idea that a home beyond
the river would just fill the bill in hi:
case, as he then could escape the work
ings Of McKinley's tariff on bees wa2
and curry combs, and the perpetual raid
of his creditors
We deeply sympathize with the boys il
their distress know how it is ourself
and wish them bon voyage with a return
: ticket-ice is hardly procurable in tn
= country to which they are heading the.
will, doubtless, find a return document
frst-class investment with an insuranc
coupon attachment. Hitherto scienc
has failed-theology ditto-to hit upon
method whereby We can disorganiz
Smoky Hollow we are hopeful, however
that the inherent love Of virtue anon.
the denizens of that pious suburb wi
accomplish that which the prayers an
petition of others have failed to do! Th
u love of gold-mark this prediction-an
the glamour of romance will outweig
l.. christian duty, and Smoke will renal
the winner as heretofore. If any on
! doubts this proposition, then we are wi
ling to bet the blind mule on the even
$500