The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1893-02-11


of hne print-qucstions, ] remark,
gotten up with such mhrve io,,s
ingenuity, that the oldest man IN tho
World couldn't understand what
the most of them were driving ut
questions, too, that were calculated To
make man report about four times his
actual Income to keep them from swear
Inc 10 a falsehood. looked for loop
hole, but there did not appear to be
any. Inquiry No 1 covered my case rs
generously and as ample as an umbrella
could cover an anthilli
"What were your profits, during the
| past year, from any trade, business or
vocation, wherever carried op?'
And thai inc uiry was backed up by
thirteen others of an equally searching
nature. the most modest of which re-
CURED information as to whether had
committed any burglary, or highway
robbery, or by anv arson or other
secret source of emoulment, had ac-
quired property which was not enumer.
atcd in my statement of income as set
opposite to inquiry No. !.
1t was plain TINT that stranger had
enabled me to make d goose OF myself:
1t was very. very plain; and SO went
out and hired another artist BY work
ing on my vanity the stranger had Sc
duced me into declaring an income OF
ssl4,ooa BY law, $1,000 of this was ex.
efhpt from income tax-the only relief
could see, and it was only drop in
the ocean. At the legal five per cent.
must pay to the government the sum OF
s1O,650 income tax!
i III may remark, in this place, that l
did not do it
am acquainted with very opulent
man. whose house is a palace, whose
table is regal, whose outlays are enor'
nous, vet man who has no income, a.
have often noticed by the revenue re
turns; and to him went for advice, in
my distress. He took my dreadful ex
hibition of receipts, he put on his
glasses, he took his pen, and presto!-l
! was pauper! 1t was the neatest thing
that ever was. He did 1t simply by
deity manipulating the bill of DE
auctions" He sat down my "state,
national, and municipal taxes" at SO
much; my losses by shipwieck,
Are, etc.," at SO much, my Losses on
sales of real estate"-on "live stock
} sold "-on payments for rent of home,
stead ON repairs, improvements,
interest --on previously taxed salary
} as an officer of the United States army.
navy, revenue service" and Other
things. He got astonishing "deduc
} tons" out of each and every one o.
these matters-each and every one o.
t them. And when he was done hi
handed me the paper, and saw at {
glance that during the year my income
t in the way of profits, had been on'
thousand two hundred and fifty dollar!
. and forty cents.
t Now said he, 'the $1,000 is ex
. empt by law. What you want to do j
t to go and swear this document in ant
: pay tax on the $3.50"
y while he was making this speech hi
d little boy Willie lifted n two-dolla
d greenback out of his vest pocket an
t vanished with it, and ! would wage
anything that if my stranger were t
: call on that little boy tomorrow h
u would make a false return of his in
come.
y do you," said /. do you alway
r work up the deductions after this fash
t ion in your own case, sir?"
l. swell, should say so! If it weren
for those eleven saving clauses unde
d the head of Deduction should be beg
h CARED every year to support this hat'
l. full and wicked, this extortionate an
l! tyrannical government"
= This gentleman stands away u
among the very best of the solid men
e the cit, the men of moral weight {
y commercial integrity, of unimpeachab
&c social spotlessr and SO bowed I
his example, went down to the rev
nue. Office, and under the accusing eye
I, of my old visitor stood up and swol
It to lie err lie, fraud after fraud vi
d lainy after villainy, till my soul W;
d coated inches and inches thick with pc
l. jury, and my self-respect gone for ev'
7, and ever
It But what of it? 1t is nothing MOI
than thousands of the richest ar
It proudest, and most respected, honort
= and courted men in America do cveI
N year. And so / don't care. l am n
1T ashamed. shall simply, for the pre-
y ent, talk little, and eschew fire pro
IS gloves, lest fall into certain dreadf
n habits irrevocably.