The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-05-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A shining light-Jupiter. Va
A spokesman-The wheelwright.
A pronounced faiure-Stuttering
Room for improvement-The gym
nasium.- Truth.
az am willing enough to work" said
young Steer, "but can't find anybody
to work. ."-Elmira Gazette.
Cholly-"What kind of a balance has
me wawtsch7" Jeweler-"Probably an
unpaid one. Jewellers Weekly.
George-''I thought you were study
ing oil wells in the West" Fred-"Oh,
l gave it up; it was such bore, you
knoWt'-Exchange.
Cnticus docking at a picture of the
imprcssionist)- that's high art, then
Pm an idiot" Cynicus-"Well, that is
high art. ."-Tid-bits.
Extreme loquaciousness seldom goes
with an air of prosperity. The more
man talks through his hat the shabbier
it Washington Star.
Crinoline or cholera, A.
Which one will it be S'& =
To sweep the western continent Y
In eighteen ninety-threeg
Detroit Free Press.
She--"Really, now, aren't you
married man2" He-''No. Whyl" She
-"ob, you have such settled look"
He--"Yes, I've been refused by thirteen
girls"
Doctor-"I really believe you have
some kind of poison IN your system"
Patient (GloomilD--"I shouldn't won
der. What was that last stuff you gave
meg"-Judy.
A-"Hello, old chapi Congratula-
tions! l hear you have married lady
with an independent fortuuep B B-"No;
married fortune with an independent
ady."-Vogue.
Daggs - "What are you reading
therel" Scaggs-"The story of She
Who Must Be Obeyed.'" Oaggs-"0h,
yes; the romance of a hired girl. -
Somerville Journal.
Borker--"Spoodle has married girl
who knows half a dozen languages"
Nagger-''Poor fellow, pity himl My
wife only knows one language, aud | find
that one too many"
Love peeped into the cottage,
And the building seemed all right;
But scinty supply of pottage
Made him quickly take his flight.
Truth.
Partisan to intimate friend)-"I
have brought the novel you asked me to
lend you, but, rs you are not fond Of re-
turning books, | will take back couple
of yours as hostages. IL Echo Francois.
Family Physician-''Wsl, Mr.. Ay-
ling, what is it nowl Any fresh trouble
on hand2" Caller-"No, don't think
you could call it exactly fresh trouble,
Doctor. It's salt rheuui. Chicago
Tribune.
A stump orator wanted the wings of a
bird, to fly to every village aud hamlet
in the broad land; bat he collapsed
when mau in the crowd sang out:
''You'd get shot for goose bef ore you
flew mile. .'-Tit-B Bits.
Miss Poetique -"How dreamily de-
lightful is the soothing sound of old
oceans waves rolling up in the moon
light upon the silver sandsl" Miss Prac-
tical-"Yes, l always did like to hear
the water sloshing around on the beach"
-Somerville Journal.
Biggs-"You say your wife always
pins flower on your coat Letore you
leave homel" "Yes; she has for a
month";" Biggs--"Well, it shows she
thinks OF you" "No; it's because she
never can remember TO sew on the but
ton. Chicago luter Ocean.
A man can grow sad, melancholy, dys-
peptic, bilious, hollow eyed, pale, de.
jccted, tired o. life, cynical, cold
bloodcd, repcllaat aud too dangerous to
be at large, aud still he will laugh to
see a fat man chasing a street car that is
going three feet to his one.-Detroit
Free Press.
"Want to buy some OF those applesl"
inquired the grocer's clerk. "To buy
somel' said the hopeless looking man
near the barrel, with a dry sob. "No, l
don't want to buy auyi but if it doesn't
cost too much Id like to stand here a
few minutes aud indulge sparingly in
smelling them. Chicago Tribune.
"Halloa, Major, said the Judge one
mofning; II haven't seen you for a
week; where have you beeni" 'Been
home i'll as anything" replied the
Major. "Yol! Why you were always
as healthy as could be. What in the
world made you illi' "Well, tried to
follow some rules on health saw in the
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