The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-05-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A shining light-Jupiter. "a
A spokesman-Th wheelwright.
A pronounced failure-Stuttering
Room for improvement-The gym
nasium.- Truth.
az am willing enough to work" said
young Steer, "but 1 can't find anybody
to work. ."-Elmira Gazette.
Cholly-"What kind OF balance has
me wawtsch7" Jeweler-''Probsbly an
unpaid one. Jewellers Weekly.
George-''I thought you were study
ing oil wells in the West" Fred-"Oh,
l gave it up; it was such bore, you
knoWN"-Exchange.
Crlticus docking at picture OF tie
imprcssionist--"I that's high art, then
I'm an idiot" Cynicus-"Well, that is
high art. ."-Tid-bits
Extreme loquaciousness seldom goes
with an air of prosperity. The more q
man talks through his hat the shabbier
it gets. Washington Star.
Crinoline or cholera, a
Which one will it be -.
To sweep the western continent
In eighteen nlnety-three.
Detroit Free Press.
--''Really, now, aren't you
married mani" He-''No. Whyl" She
--"Oh, you have such settled look"
He--"Yes, I've been refused by thirteen
girls"
Doctor-"I really believe you have
some kind of poison IN your system"
Patient (Gloomily)--''I shouldn't Won
der. What was that last stuff you gave
me9"-Judy.
A-"Hello, old chapi CougratuIa-
tionsl hear you have married lady
with an independent fortunep B-"No;
l married fortune with an independent
lady."-Vogue.
Daggs - "What are you reading
there9" Scaggs-"The story of She
Who Must Be Obeyed." Daggs-"Oh,
yes; the romance of a hired girl" -
Somerville journal.
Borker--"Spoodle has married a girl
who knows half a dozel languages"
Nagger-''Poor fellow, 1 pity himl My
wife only knows one language, aud l find
that one too many"
Love peeped into the cottage,
And the building seemed all right;
But scanty supply of pottage
Made him quickly take his flight
Truth.
Partisan Ito intimate friend)-"I
have brought the novel you asked me to
lend you, but, as you are not fond of re-
turning books, will take back couple
OF yours as hostages. ."-LEcho Francais.
Family Physician-"Wsl, Mr.. Ay-
ling, what is it nowl Any fresh trouble
on hand2" Caller-"No, I don't think
you could call it exactly fresh trouble,
Doctor. It's salt rheuui. chicago
Tribune.
A stump orator wanted the wings of q
bird, to fly to every village aud hamlet
ia the broad land; bat he collapsed
when man in the crowd sang out:
"You'd get shot for a goose Def ore You
flew mile. ."-Tit-Bits.
Miss Poetique -"How dreamily de-
lightful is the soothing sound OF old
oceans waves rolling up in the moon
light upon the silver sandsl" Miss Prac-
tical-"Yes, always did like to hear
the water sIoshing around on the beach. /"
-Somerville Journal.
Biggs-"YOu say your wife always
pins a flower on your coat Letore you
leave homel" "Yes; she has for a
month";" Biggs--''Well, it shows she
thinks of YOU" 'No; it's because she
never can remember to sew on the but
ton. ."--ChicIgo Iuter. Ocean.
A man can grow sad, melancholy, dys-
peptic, bilious, hollow eyed, pale, de.
iccted, tired o. life, cynical, cold
blooded, repolaat aud too dangerous to
be at large, aud still he will laugh TO
see fat man chasing a street car that is
going three feet to his one.-Detroit
Free Press.
"Want to buy some of those applesi"
inquired the grooer's clerk. "To buy
sonnet" said the hopeless looking man
near the barrel, with dry sob. "No,
don't want to buy anyi but if it doesn't
cost too much I'd like to stand here a
few minutes aud indulge sparingly in
smelling them. Chicago Tribune.
'Halloa, Major said the Judge one
mofning; II haven't seen you for a
week; where have you beenl" "Been
home i'll as anything" replied the
Major. "Yol! Why you were always
as healthy as could be. What in the
world made you illl" "Well. tried to
follow some rules on health | saw in the