Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1893-01-19
ut this is an old story.

but tuiS u an Ola SJOrV. 10
| take my medicine with anxiety
and pleasure mingled? No, it is with
IA feeling of repulsion. and as tip my
head back. draining the very last dregs
from the glass. feeling of detection
and remorse fills me. ! see at such
times the mistakes | have made during
my life, and. though there has been
nothing discriminating. have not been
an angel The poison has been taken,
and the sensation between that time
and when it takes effect is not the
most agreeable. The word remorse is
not strong enough. / am too ambi-
tious, perhaps, and lack the one quality
or feature which pushes a man TO the
front. | do not get along fast enough
and my salary is too miserably and in
sultingly small. As | think these
things over nth all the bitterness
there is in them the opiate takes effect
and abstracts my attention from what
| please to term my misfortune. A
kind of mum bness creeps over me and
seems to take possession of my whole
system. The sensation is not pleasant
nor is it disagreeable, for ! know
what is coming.
Oblivion creeps over me, and the hell
of this world. if it can be termed so
lightly, is gone, and | enter life, an
existence, that ] have seen in my
earlier worldly experience. and ] am in
my own hemisphere. In my fancy |
live the life I would live in reality.
No. there is no extravaganza no dissi-
patton in my imaginary life; and it is
us comfortable and respectable as the
most eXacting and proper could wish.
in my dream life / have only my JOY
Whenever I enter that existence ! am
10 use the only expression: Out OF
sight" l have been seated by fair
women at tables laden with the lux
uries of life. | have talked with brill
liant men at the banquet table, and
though ! never take leading part in
any such demonstrations enjoy 1t and
follow it in the even tenor of my way.
At other times l win be at my home,
little place | have pictured out in
quiet part of the city, enjoying the
comforts that are to be found only in
tina, modest little cottage. My home,
my mythical home, is not a gorgeous
affair, but it is so happy 1t is fur.
nished in that quiet, rich taste that
only a true. loving and wise wife
can show. Qnite often, while we sit
there, the little one that has been
born to rs will utter cry
in her sleep, and the ever-thought.
full mother win go and bend over
the cradle Soothing words, with
ternal love. quiet the little thing. The
care and the responsibility that are
placed on us by that little treasure
draw us closer together. and our love
is infinite Again / win drift into
channels of my daily occupation, and
may struggle on, as | do in daily life,
but the results are reversed and NEE
with reward and am happy. 1t may be
that at such time ! am single, as
really am, and will find myself in the
society Of my ideal of womanhood, who
in my real life have never met. All
of these most happy events and situa
tions does the opiate bring me, impress.
ing themselves most wildly upon the
mind.
When consciousness returns ! awake
with heavy. duh sensation in my brain
and am unable to determine whether
what has impressed itself is true OF
not | stretch and rub my swoller
eyes and the truth of the situation il
upon me The blood courses hot
through my body. feeling as though hot
irons were applied TO the pulse
Thoughts cannot be collected the
memory is impaired and the daily grino
is before me Mental and physical ex
haustion follows and then the worst
pay day. lis there any relief to be Sc
cured?" / debate the question with
myself: Yes there is Then NO
then "Yes. and my hand reaches again
for the fruit Of the poppy. colorado