Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-10-11
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
! IL is only the women who can
lawfully hold up train.-New
York Journal.
Barber-"Do you want hair
cutP" Victim-"Not only one,
but all of them" Judge.
I Solemn stranger-"All flesh is
grass. Deaf man Hey ?"
Solemn stranger-"No, grass
New York Press.
No matter how economical he
may be or how large his wages the
coal-miner often finds himself in a
\ hole.-Buffalo Courier.
Pessimist-"Don't you wish you'd
never been born?" Book agent
mo; l let other people do that for
me."-New York Journal.
ats funny about bridal pairs.
They're not like other pears at all"
"Why notP" They're softest
when they're green. Indianapolis
journal.
Mr.. Crimsonbeak-"Isn't it hard
work minding the baby?" Nurse
Igirl-"Not half so hard as trying
to make the baby mind me. ."--Yonk-
ers Statesman.
Citizen--"Do you have much
trouble arresting tramps?" Police
man-"Oh, no; no matter how
strong tramp is, he will never re-
sist rest."-Yonkers Statesman.
Mr.. Tippel-"I'm-er-just going
out to see a man, my dear" Mrs.
Tippel-"Well, | wish you'd bring
little of him back in bottle with
you-l feel thirsty!'-Chicago Mail.
you've read Chaucer, haven't
you, Mr.. Peduncle?" 30 yes, Miss
Laura. | read that when it first
came out. | don't like it half as
well as Ben Hur.' Chicago Tri-
bune.
Mamma-"When that boy threw
stones at you why didn't you come
and tell me, instead of throwing
them back?" Little Son-"Tell
you! Why, you couldn't hit barn
door. Truth.
Shelf you married girl in
the hope that she would one day
come into fortune wouldn't you
feel guilty over it?" He-"Not if
she got the fortune. New York |
Herald,
~ never give money to beggars
in the street" said the pedestrian.
"But my dear sir" returned the
beggar, II can't afford an Office
these hard times. You expect too
much. ."-Harper's Weekly.
Jack-Cheer up, old man, don't
look so blue! Harry-Can't help
it. Jack-Oh, come! Think of
your best girl. Harry-No good.
! married her three months ago.
New York Herald.
did your husband swear he
loved you before you married
himp" mo, he did not; but you
should hear him swear now when
he has to walk the floor at night
with the baby" New York Press.
Cook Ito nurse)-"The mistress
says to be very careful in moving
the clock, and not let it fall"
Nurse-"Then you carry the baby
and let me carry the clock. You
might let the clock fall."-Texas
Siftings,
II should like to know when you
are going to pay that bill. | can't
come here every day in the week?"
"What day would suit you bestp"
Saturday" "Very well, then you
can call every Saturday. Petit
Parisien.
!, 4. N. Choir-''Is your church
supported by voluntary contribu-
;. tions, Doctor?"
Doctor Howlet-"No, sab; by in
voluntary contributions. It's jess
like drawin' teef ter git der cash
outen my congregation. Puck.
1--WE might as well consider our
engagement as broken, Reginald"
~ don't see why! Your father
said postponed"
Postponed until you arrived at
years of discretion. And in your
case, Reggy, dear, you know what
] that means. Life.
IL was her first trip in an eleva-
I tor, and she was not aware of the
fact that she was about to ascend,
but when the thing started she seiz-
ed her companion with both hands,