Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1893-06-09
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

A rank failure Tilted imbecllity.
Truth.
A peck of trouble-Four quarts Of
green apples.
In contempt of court-Thc con.
firmed bachelor. Truth.
Tunefully considered, the human
neck is pipe organ. Dansville Breeze.
A bridge should never be condemned
until it has been tried by its picrs.
Judge.
Women certainly have room enough,
in these times, to laugh i'll their sleeves.
Puck.
Some housekeepers are so exasper.
ntingly industrious that they give the
dust no time to settle Truth.
In politics the coming man finds the
roads badly blockaded by the gong
man. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
People speak of the face of note
when it's really the figure that inter.
ests them Philadelphia Times.
Jagson says the messenger boy moves
20 slowly that he has come to be a
standing Joke -Elnira Gazette
A fashionable woman is one who has
what everybody else has before any.
body else gets it. -Elmira Gazette.
Trlte sayings rhymed are liked by some
They II ike this one. no doubt
The schoolgirls string Of chewing gum
Is sweetness long drawn out
Truth.
Only man bearing title can be
considered real live" nobleman On
the simple evidence that he merely
breathes
There is nothing especially lrrltat.
ing about al air of Importance, pro.
vided it is being sung instead Of being
worn.-Puck.
The people who follow the fashion
most rehgiously generally look as If
they were trying to get ahead Of it
Somerville Journal.
A young man with pushing qualities
can always get something to do, even
if it is nothing better than engineering
lawn wower. Buffalo Courier
The humble individual who saws
wood for living is Of more benefit to
his race than the man who does moth.
ing and that poorly. Troy Press,
Hunger overcomes superstition. II
a man is really hungry thirteen is no
more unlucky than thirty, if the vic'
tuals hold out. Evansville Breeze.
o, what's the use o grievin'I
We're jes in love with life;
For the blossoms on the melon
An the edge Ia on the knife?
Atlanta Constitution.
The dividing line between inqulsi.
tiveness and impertinence is largely
imaginary. Few people can be IN
quisitiye without being impertiuent.-
Troy Press.
Hello, Charliel Not at work?
What's up?" "Oh, we're out on
strike" "What 8 the trouble?' Don't
know; but We'll not give in till we get
it. "-Boston Beacon.
Columbus and Newton, Franklin and Watts,
In their discoveries found great zest
Yet what to compare with the Joy Of the man.
With quarter he finds in q last summers
vest.
The man who is hailed as a public.
spirited benefactor at the time loan
is wanted may live to hear himself
howled at as a bloodsucking vampire
when the money falls due. Truth
He asked her II she thought popcorn
Was good for indigestion;
She said she didn't know would he
Please pop some other question.
Kansas City Journal
When man speaks disparingly Of
everybody, one of three things is true;
He has the "big head, is on bad terms
with himself, or has an intensely Jealous
and envious disposition. st. Paul
Globe.
Poverty is a disease" howled
speaker. "And yet" murmured the
poor chap in the back of the hall, I'VE
who are afflicted with it are arrested
whenever we take anything for itI"-
Vogue.
Mudge-''That waiter in there is en-.
tlrely too smart for his business.
fapsley-"Why?" Nudge told
him to get me rare steak, and he said
it couldn't be done "-Indianapolis
Journal.
He "Bwothah Chawley has the
bwain fevah and he cawnt find nurse
high or low" She-"Sit up with him
Yourself. There is no human posi-
bility of your catching the disease. -
Detroit Free Press.