The Durham daily globe. (Durham, N.C.) 1889-1894, 1893-03-06
THEY MATCHED OUT
Colonel Vann Tells a Wild, Weird
Tale.
Eggs Which Are Enormous and Are the
Stuff.
THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND GREAT

The Finishing Touche of Colonel Nature
Are Brought to Us in a Deceptive
and Wonderful Shell.
Meek eyed, bashful truth is, at times,
stranger than the most wild and weird
dream of the romancer and were it not
for the known probity Of the parties con-
cerned, we would hesitate to chronicle
the facts as related further on. One
well developed truth, however, is worth
d ton of silly fakes and for that reason
we've taken the trouble to look into the
matter in question, and here is the result
of our investigation. General Francis
NJ. Barbee tells US that he purchased,
yesterday, from Col. DR.. Johnson, two
dozen eggs, for Matching purposes, the
eggs under consideration coming from
q strain of fowls-the yosemite War
Dlers'-that Col. DR.. has been, for the
past four years, carefully propegating
out at the fish farm. Through an over.
sight on the part of Mr.. Barbee, the eggs
were left in a basket, near the stove, in
his store last night. Now, the general is
an early riser, as all successful business
men should be; this accounts for the
Goat tho, i,,ct or ,1ou horon tn nnan 0Upr
the hills this morning he was leisurely
ambling along the street, and as he am
bled hummed to himself that good old
anthem, 'On JOrdan's stormy banks
stand" all of his thoughts, at the mo-
ment being engrossed with the problem
of the hour-hOw to regenerate Smoky
Hollow. Just as he turned the corner
at Proctor's store, it seemed to him that
every rooster in town, supplemented with
a hefty contingent from the rural dis
tricts had, by a preconceded arrange.
ment, assembled at, or near his store,
and were celebrating Cleveland's inau-
guratiOn in every known and unknown
key in the gamut.
When the general opened the door,
twenty four long spurred, red headed
chandeliers had undisputed possession
of the premises, and from the appearance
of things old pandemonium had been
keeping late hours and was still master
of the situation The evidence points to
the fact that Mr.. Barbee kept a gallon
jug of appetizing fluid, for medicinal
uses, slowed under the counter; the rev.
elers had, it appeared, confiscated the
toothsome decoction, got on a glorious
drunk, and a devastating fight wound up
the Bacchanalian entertainment. Gen
eral Francis remarked, cOnfidentially,
that he was, and had been all along, a
strict church member, but when he saw
the condition of things in his store this
morning-crockery and glassware smash
ed up, the heads of two molasses barrels
stove in, and the sticky contents doped
all over the diSorganized savings of a
long frugal life, feathers and other de
bris two feet in depth over the floor
his better nature struggled against the
w%hisperings Of the tempter but do
what he would, he could not uppress a
few mild cuss words-the occasion de-
manded it. When insult is added to in
jury, that's the woe which saps the root
of best intentions here is where the last
drop of agony fell into the generals cup
of misery-one badly used. up rooster
was standing upon a table washing a
bloody head nthe water bucket, another
had the generals best razor, and was
diligently sharpening his spurs, while a
third one was critically investigating the
ledger with molasses shoe feet. Mr.
Barhte went for those fowls with a pit h
fork, and o there is a bountiful supply !
of spring chickens ia the harder of the
Barbee mansion.
You see, those eggs left by the stove
batched out during the night; now there
is a Calling gun loaded for the vender of
the hen fruit, and in view of that fact
Col. DR.. Johnson has discretely taken to
the woods. L. D. NANN.
No one ever tried Simmons Liver Reg /!
NJ Tor without being satisfied with lis
effect.