The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-04-11
The Major Still in Trouble--Fair Pros
pect for a Duel with ,Obediah
Sykes, M. l., all Caused
by Mrs. Bilkins.
by Mrs. Bilkins,

ny G44S D4Ah~44SG
B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R.-"Hello!M Major. Isupposeyou are
not dead yet"
B.-"Dead9 Well, 1 should say not.
Death would be Christmas, Easter an
the 4th of July all in one fer a man who
is henpecked like me. l wish it was
leap year. I would leap over onto
the Hawerwa Islunds whut the sugar
trust wants ter jine ter the United
States"
R.-"You must have had some fresh
trouble.
B.-"Fresh trouble! I've he'd fresh
truble, salty truble, sad truble, light
truble an bubble truble. Ever since
the preacher sed amen after he hitched
me an Betsy there has bin truble, truble
truble."
R.-"WelI, what is the latest troubles
B.-"You reckerleck Obediah Sykes,
who wuz a member Nv the legislature,
don't you? Well, he got mad erbout
whut Betsy sed erbout the legislature
an has writ me a letter challejinmet ter
mortal combat or until both ov us are
satisfied. I want Betsy ter do her oan
quarrelin' an fite her a dewels. l
didn't sine any contract when I mar
ried her ter be trottin' Ground shootin'
the life out Nv members Nv the lejis-
lature or gettin' shot myself"
RI thought you have often said
that death would be a welcome visitor.
Not ten minutes ago you said death
would be a picnic for you"
B.-"Well, you see l meant it that
way if l could die fghtin' fer my coun-
try. I wanter die paterotickly, but l
could never sleep a mint again if l
wuz ter git killed by a member Nv the
last legislature, an on ercount NV
somethin' Betsy sed."
R.-"What was in the letter or chal
lenge you received from the Honorable
MI. Sykes8"
B.-"Just hold still an I'll tell it ter
you threw the phone. He started off
this way: Major Zeke Bilkins, Deer
Sur, this il ter n0terfy yew that /
want yew ter meat NEE in dedly kom-
bat in the midel Nv the Dizmul Swamp
on the 20 Nv may at II O'klok. my
rezun fur DUN this Y bekas9 yer wyf
Betsy Bilkins sed hard thyngs erbout
thee Iejizlater Nv which [ wuz a oner-
BILE an distinguished membur. she
sed we wuz dumb brewts an tibet we
didn't hav ennuff scents ter peal an
inyun befoar We ct il. She sed we
wur partyzan an tibet we tryd ter
steel the fwnd whut beylongs ter the
Allyanse. She intermayted tibet a lot
Wv us fellers wernt elekted butt Just
stoal our way inter the legislator.
She also tells tibet a lot Nv us got
drunk every mite an went ter
bad places an thet some ov us lived 50
high we couldn't pay our board bills
when we started home. All this hez
got sum ov us inter truble at home an
it is takin' us all the time ter go Ground
an explain things ter our constituents
an they laff at us an wont believe us
"hCA VIC GC4A C11C14 CAICU NS "GI0 d
patriotick set. Sally Ann, tibet is my
wife, had writ me tibet there would be
a rOOkus with me when I got home.
We had fixed it up ter tell the folks
tibet the reason we didn't pass emmy
guide laws wuz bekase the Republercans
stood in Their way, but THE PROGRESS
sTvE FARMER, which sheet air alters do
ing the very thing we polerticilns
don't like, he'd done gone an sed tibet
the Demikrats were five ter one an we
kant wurk thet off any longer. Now
Bilkins I meen Dizziness. Idon't want
emmy foolin', we members ov the Iegis-
later have everlastin1y disgraced our
selves an we want vengeance an wer
air goin' ter have it. Pleese meat me
at the Dizmal Swamp on the goth ov
May an bring your duble shootin' shot
gun, fer I'm a gOin' ter have a croop
cannon ter shute you with. Yer bet
ter have two seconds also.
Yours desperately,
OBEDIAH SYKES, M. L."
B.-"Now, Mr.. Editor, whut am 1
goin' to do9"
R.-"Send Mrs. Bilkins to fight the
duel and go a fishing yourself"
B.-''That's it, that's il! I'll tell
| BETSY that the Prince ov Wales wants
her ter 20 ter the Dizmal Swamp on
the goth Ov May an jine in a plcnick
whuthe's gwineter give. I'll have Betsy
cookin' up good things fer three weeks