Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1893-03-03
ON THE INAUGURATION
The People Of Bismarck and the
Entire State Discussing the
Inauguration.
How the Affair Will Come OF, and
How Things Will Appear to
the Spectators.
Quite q Lobby Arrives From Dickin-
son, On the County Boundary
Question.
Quite /. Lobby Arrives From Dicki,
WashinEtonwArd.

WashinRtonward.
WashinRtonward the course of democ.
racy wends it way.
After holding the above sentence to the
light and looking at it from different
angles. I am inclined to the belief that it
will look we'll in print, and at the same
time harmonic with the facts in the case.
The word which Immediately precedes the
second word in the first sentence may
seem a little outre aud uncommon, but it
is a good one. and means just what it was
intended to lean.
The exact reason that the democrats are
proceeding Washingtonward is because of
the fact that on Saturday, the democratic
administration will BIZ heralded into
power, and take upon the reins of govern
ment. After they take up the rein of
government, the reign will be democratic.
(By a careful scrutiny of the above, it will
be discovered that there is u joke hidden
away among the several words which
compose the sentence. This joke may be
extricated, and with careful nursing will
at length cause a burst OF hysteric
laughter.)
For period of four years from next Sat-
urday, the democrats will hold down the
government Offices and eat solid food three
times a day, something which has not
taxed their digestive organs to any consid-
cradle degree for a period Of thirty years.
The republicans, in the meantime, will
hold down dry goods boxes on the street
corners. and tell the poor farmers how the
country is going to the devil under the
rule of the democrats. A great many re-
publicans will declare that they have been
democrats all the time, and for this they
will receive postofices and other articles
of substantial reward.
The greater number of the democrats
who are vending their weary way Wash.
ingtonward are riding on trains which are
intended to carry passengers. and eating
their meals on the dining cars. This is
proper form for democrats, and is strictly
au fat and proper. According to the
latest manual of etiquette and good breed
ing. however, the republicans should ride
upon the swiftly moving stock trains
which ply between Bismarck and Chicago.
and forbear from eating while on the
route. This rule will enable them to paw
their election bets and possess several
cents in money when they arrive in WASH
ington.
For the benefit of those Bismarckers
whom an immediate financial depression
will prevent from attending the inaugural
ceremonies, l will depict, briefly, the
sGeass m a. they 1hey t %iil - appear; Nothing
have passed whole days in the solitude of
my home, doing nothing but depictinp
scenes and writing letters of regret to my
creditors.
President Cleveland will arrive in WASH
ington on a special train, accompanied by
severa! passenger coaches and an engine.
from the train, after which he will 90 to
the baggage room, display his checks, and
have the remnants of his trunks sent in tn
his hotel. He will then enter 4 hack, with
Mrs. Cleveland and Ruth, and they will be
driven rapidly to the hotel where he will
again alight, and after a%pvlogizlng to the
clerk for disturbing him, he will
register, and be shown to Ills room. where
he will be permitted to wash bis hands
and put on q clean collar. The e%tiouette
of inaugurati0ns then demands that he
make a call on President Harrison. This
call Is an altogether informal one. The
Two presidents may address each other as
Ben and Grove, and enjoy themselves as
much as possible. After they have discussed
the weather and other leading questions. MI
Harrison should wink the other eve at
Z eveland and the two should adiOnrn tn a
closet. After having pepped Carefully
about to be sure that Mrs. Cleveland isn't
looking. the two presidents MAY take a
little so~lnething-not necessarily for pnb-
llcatlOn, but merely for medicinal PURPOSES.
The bottle and the call should b. finished
at the same time, and then MIR. Cleveland
should ask for a few cloves. after which
ne should return to the hotel and converse
with his wife, keeping his breath turned
toward the wall until supper time.
On saturday morning MIR. Harrison will
drive to the hotel where Mr.. Cleveland is
stopping, and Cleveland will get into tho
buggy with him. taking care not to rest
too much weight on his side of the sprinp.
ThetwO men will then drive to the Diace
where the Inauguration is to take place.
Here Mr. Harrison will pass over to him
his latch key to the White house, and the
co.io!na.,oh 70 tlle sldeboard, telling him
al the same time where the Kerosene 10
Kept and how to unlock the stable door.
This completes the formal Of
inauguration, and then the two men g..t
back u the buggy, with Mr.. Harrison On
the lett, occupying the same position.
wittily speaking, that he did at the recent
election. Mr.. Cleveland will then oct n"t
and stand upon a little platform, to allow
the people to gaze upon him, while Mr..
Harrison will say damn such luck', he.
tween his set teeth, and drive madiv bacx
to the White house. Hastilv
throwing a clean shirt and soms
new collars into a yalise. he viii
dash out the back door, and board a train
for indianapolis. while Cleveland will
stand upon his little platform and sing
whats the matter with me ?"
This about completes the inaugural care.
monies, as the heads OF the government
and l have arranged them. Should I thinh
OF any change l would like to have made
| shall telegraph the committee m ar
engagements. We have pndeavOred to please
everyone IN the arrangement of the pro.
gram, n any omissions are uninten.
tiOnaI. Any person who is unable tn 500
the ceremonies or whose name does moi
appear In the paper next morning NAV
call at the box Office and get his money
back. ~" 80" "'"oy
There are q number of domestic matters
to be attended to after the ceremonies. bpt
these are Of a delicate family nature. and
1t seems heartless to expose them to tho
pry!ng gaze OF the public. The bed clothes
IN the White house will have to be huno
out on the line and aired, the CARPETS taken
uD and busted. and, MIRO Clu,,olonIa -