Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1893-04-14
HUMOR or THE DAY

Humbug bees.
Buv words-IIow mucai
A shining light-Jupiter.
A spolesnan-The wheelwri yht.
A pronounced failure-Stutter.ny
Room for improvenent-The gym!
naslum.-Truth.
az am willing enough to work." said
young Steer, shut can't find anybody
to work. "-Elnira Gazette.
Cholly-"What kind OF balance has
me wawtschf" Jeweler-"Probably 81
unpaid one. Jewellers Weekly.
George-"I thought you were study.
iny oil wells in the West" Fred-"O3,
gave it up; it was such bore, YOU
know."-EIchange.
Crlticus docking at picture OF tie
mprcssionist)-"Ift that's high arr, liza
I'm an idiot" Cynicus-"Well, that is
high rt"-Tid-bits.
Extreme loquaciousness seldom goes
vita an air of prosperity. the more
man talks through his hat the shab2Ier
il gets.-Washington Star.
Crinoline or cholera,
Which one will it be
To sweep the western continent
In eighteen ninety-three,
Detroit Free PreSA
She-'Really, now, aren't you
married mani" He-"No. Why7" Sae
-"Oh, you have such settled look"
He--"Yes; I've been refused by thirteen
girls"
Doctor-"I really believe you haze
some kind Of poison IN your system"
Patient (Gloomily|-AI shouldn't won.
der. WHAT was that last stuff you guys
mei"-Jndy-
A-"Hello, old chap1 Congatula.
tons! l hear You have married lady
with an independent fortune!" B-"No;
married fortune with an Independent
lady."-Yogue-
Daggs - What are you reading
theref" Scaggs-"The story of 'Stn
Who Must Be Obeyed- :" Daggs-"Ob,
yes; the romance of hired girl
SomerVille Journal
Borker-"Spoodle has married girl
who knows half a dozen languages"
Nagger-"Poor fellow, pitt him! Ny
wife only knows one language, and lind
that one too many"
Partisan Ito intimate frieud)-'I
have brought the novel you asked me I'd
lend you, but, as you are not fond of re-
turning booas, l will take back couDe
OF yours as hostages u Echo Francois.
Love peeped into the cottage
ANA the building sse nei all right
But sc4nty supply OF pottage
Made him qulcGly take ms flight
Truth
Family Physician-"Wen, Mr.. Az
ling, what is it nowl Any fresh trouble
On handr Caller-"No, don't think
you could call it exactly fresh trouble,
Doctor. It's salt rheum- "-Chicago
Tribune.
A stump orator wanted the wings OF =
bird, to fy to every village aai hamlet
in the broad land; bat he collapsed
when a man in the crowd sang out:
You'd get shot for a goose before you
tiex mile Tit Bits.
Miss Poetque-"How drcanilv de.
lightful is the soothing sound OF od
oceans waves rolling up 10 the moon
light upon the silver sandsl" Miss Prac-
tical-"Yes, l always did like to hear
the water sloshing around on the beach"
-Somerville Journal
Biggs-"You say your wife always
pins flower on your coat before you
leave homei" "Yes; she hiss for a
month" Biggs-"Well, it shows she
thinks of you" mo; it's because she
never can remember to sew on the but
ton. Chicago Inter Ocean.
A man can grow sad, melancholy, dys.
peptie, bilious, hollow eyed, pale, de-
jected, tired OF life, cynical cold
b!ooded, repellant aud too dangerous to
be at large, and still he will laugh to
see fat man chasing a street car that ia
going three feet to his one,-Detroit
Free Press.
"Want to buy some of those apples1"
inquired the grocer's clerk. "To buy
some" said the hopeless looking man
near the barrel, with dry sob. mo,
don't want to buy any; but II it doesn't
cost too much I'd like to stand here a
few minutes and indulge sparingly III
smelling them. Chicago Tribune,
"Halloa, Major, said the Judge one
morning; AZ haven't seen you for
week; where have you BEEN" "Been
home Ill as anything" replied the
Major. "Yoal Why you we're always
as healthy as could be. What in the
world made you ill" "well, tried to
follow some rules on health saw In the
paper. "-Drake's Magazine.