The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-11-12
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Old 81 Leatherhead Made Happy by {
Mayors Generosity.

Mayors Generosity.
His Last Yen.-As mayor of this
town we have subjected to consider
able unfavorable criticism for an incl
dent which occurred last Saturday at
ternoon, and which the knock-kneed
critter who publishes the dishrag
weekly down the street is determined
to make the most Of About noon on
Saturday, while we sat in the mayor S
Office in the city hall, old ST Leather
head came in. He had come down from
his roost on Bill Williams mountain to
buy bacon and powder. He had the
same old mule he had owned for elev-
en- years. and both ST and the mule
were looking detected. The old man
had heard that Arizona was to be adj
mitted to the Union, and that this
town, which he helped to found, was
becoming civilized enough to have
sidewalks and telephones. He could
MT believe it I'LL he got here and saw
those things with his own eyes, and as
he sat down in our office he Wept like
a child.
We felt sorry for the old man. When
he told that he was siXty-fiVe years old
and had no hope of living through the
winter, it seemed hard case. He had
come down expecting to get drunk,
ride his old mule through saloons and
do considerable shooting and yelling,
and it saddened our heart to tell him
that any such conduct would result in
his arrest Tears were falling down his
aged cheeks as he asked our official
permission to ride through just one sa-
loon and shoot six holes into the mir
ror behind the bar. When we had to
refuse it, he begged to be allowed to
gallop up and down the street and
shoot at glass insulators on the tele-
graph poles. We couldn't canction
that either, but after discussing the
matter we made a compromise with
him. I was agreed that he might
stand on the public square and utter
dozen old time boots and then go and
get drunk, but there was to be no rid
ing or shooting.
Old 81 selected o'clock in the even
ing as his hour, and the city marshal
was on hand to count his boots. The
first three brought everybody into the
street. and the next three started half
the population out Of town. The last
one was a grand windup, which
Jared the shingles on the roofs, and
when he got through the old man felt
himself ten years younger An hour
later he was blind drunk, and by our
direction he was laid away on bed of
ShavingS in a carpenter shop. We
don't deny that it was against the or
dinance, and we certainly had no legal
authority to permit it, but we wanted
to make old 81 happy once more and
are willing to take the penalty.
Another Mistake-When stranger
came to us as mayor the other day to
get a license for "a grand aggrega-
ton of living curiosities," which he
wanted to exhibit under a tent, we felt
| it our duty to warn him that if things
were not up and up he would hear
something drop. He treated our
kindly intentions with lofty 1isdain,
and we issued the license with a feel
ing that he would bump up against
something new before the week was
out. Wednesday evening he opened
his show to the public. He had a big
sign reading, Gigantic Aggregation of
Stupendous Curiosities'' on the front
of the tent, and the minute old Doc
Poole got sight Of it he opened fire,
just as we had predicted Before the
city marshal could get to him he had
shot off all the sign except "Gigan''-,
and had likewise scared most of the
living curiosities into fits.
Among the exhibits was a fat boy
from Ohio, warranted to weigh 22O
pounds. Five or six of the bows hefted
him and put his weight down at about
165 pounds. He was carried across
the street and put on the scales. and
when it was found that he weighed
only 1853 pounds things began to break
loose. There was a wild girl from
Borneo. who chewed gum so naturally
that old Jim Fuller recognized her as
a girl from Pike county Mo. The Iiy-
| ing skeleton had more fat on his bones
than the man who ran the show, and
after considerable trouble it was found
that 1.-The biggest gorilla ever captured
alive" was a boy fixed up for the oc-
casion, and a poor fix at that.
This is a great locality for inevitable
results. There was. an Inevitable re-
suit to this deception of the confidine
public. There was sudden yell from
the seventy-five men inside the tent.
and then the herd stampeded. Some
body abducted the wild girl of Borneo.
and within a week we expect to an
nounce her marriage. The fat boy was
placed on a loose mule and sent off
for ride, the gorilla stripped of his
skin and soundly spanked, and the
last we saw of the proprietor of the
show he was being tossed in a blanket
K and yelling for mercy. We understand
chat he left town on foot and that
the sheriff has charge Of his tent and
a box of snakes. AS we have stated
before, this is a good town for shows,
but it must be g. good show. We are
an up and up people. We pay for what
we get, but want what we pay for.