Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1893-10-24
LEAVING IN DESPAIR
40 wanted something Not to be Had in
Detroit.

Detroit.
ST s'bose you know all about this
town?" he queried Of the policeman
who halted before him as ne sat on a
box under an awning on Atwater street.
eyes. fairly WELL"
"Know Of any saloon where they keep
the regular western stuH?
What stuff"
"Licker, Of course"
"Why, you can find It anywhere"
That's where you're way of,
stranger. I've bin in this town two
whole days, and I've tramped up and
down and across, but l can't strike 1t.
l don't believe it's to be had here. They
keep sunthin' they call Ticker, but 1t
haIn't got the flavor and don't hit the
spot"
81 thought you could get anything in
Detroit"
Most anything" he replied, "most
anything, 'cept what want. Ever been
way out West?"
"As far as Denver"
THAT don't fetch it. You've got to
go 200 miles west of that to hit the real
stuff, and the stuff l sigh fur. You git
about two fingers OF it fur quarter,
but It's with 1t. I'd give an even dol
lar fur about three swallows OF it to-
day"
'How does it taste?"
"Sumthin' like pounded glass and
aqua fortis mixed up. I've had it lin
ger on the tonge fur three days, and I've
seen felers lick their chops over 1t even
when sound asleep"
And how does it act?"
"Ah! that's il! You turn out in the
mornin' feelin' you hadn't got friend
| on earth and don't keer to live till
noon. One drink sets you yellin' fur JOY,
and every critter you meet wants to
lend you a thousand dollars and hopes
you'll live to be thousand years old.
Say! dye s'pose I'd be planted here if
I could git glass of that stuff? guess
notr
What would you do?"
"Why, I'd walk out there in the mid
| die of the road and give yell which
would rattle every winder in Detroit
! Then I'd jump about ten SIGH police
men as that Teller en- the corner right
out o. their shoes. Ever see land
slide?"
mo"
"Wen, you'd think the hull Of Mt
! Hood, which is out in Oregon, was
slld!n' down to bury your town. Thered
be SIGH a rippin' and tearln' as would
tip this State up on end. 1t amt no
! use a talkin', thought can't find the
| stuff in Detroit. I've sampled hun
dred lots, but they are no good"
Have you asked for the regular
man-killer?"
81 hev, but it's way of"
Chow does it affect you?"
mighty Gurus. Fur mint l kind
er want TO whoop same as out west, any
l find myself feelin' that kin clean out
the ranch. Then it all goes away, and,
durn my hide, II don't git so scared
| and humbled that l let 'em boot me out
Of doors and never say word! Say! l
took fingers of what they called Sure
Death in this town yesterday, and when
a policeman ordered me TO move on l
crawled away like coyote"
"Can be of any help to yon?"
mo, / guess not. The stuff amt In
the town, and you folk don't know how
to make it. I'm goln' to head west again.
Big town, lots OF bizzness aud all that,
but YOU don't keep the genuine quill.
FeiIer gifts blue here, he's goner. No
chance to spread himself or become
known"
81 know Of place down here where
the whisky killed sailor before he could
get outdoors"
mo good. / was in the place yester-
day. got two glasses Of the stuff and
it didn't even draw my toes in. Much
obleeged fur your kindness, but you
don't keep it here and it's no use hunt
in further. Lots of stores and street
cars and things, but no melted lead In
the drinks to take the fur off yer ton
que"