The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-10-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

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Well done-The farmer who falls IN
with bunko men. Philadelphia Call.
The quickest way of smoothing rough
characters is to iron them. Texas
Siftings.
Many a fond parent does not get to
sleep until after the bawl is over
Boston Globe.
Even when the acrobat is bending
the crab ON the front lawn he is, fgura-
lively speaking, ON the back stoop.-
Detroit Free Press.
Geography Teacher-"T Tommy, how
is the earth divided?" Tommy-'Er,
not at all cause everybody most wants
it all. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Smiths business is going along like
clockwork. 'Pooh, his place is in
the hands of receiver" ''That's it,
being wound up. Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
Dinkle--"Funny thing about Not
rich and his new piano" Dankle--
SIS, eh?" Dinkle-'Y Yes; plays it by
ear and pays for it by note. y Buffalo
Courier.
Arrival--"Can I put up at this
house?" Clerk--'I suppose so. Got
any baggage?" Arrival-''No." Clerk
-''How much do you want to put up?"
Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Jones-'1s your wife at home,
Mr.. WILBUR Wilbur "Not certain,
but if you'll hold that screen door
open half a minute you'll hear from
her. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Consolation of Matrimony: She
81 suppose you would have been
happier if you had not married me?"
He-"Yes, darling, but 1 wouldn't
have known it."--Life's Calendar.
Prisoner would rather tell
my own story. Don't you think it
would be believed?" Lawyer--''Yes
that's the trouble. 1t would carry
conviction with it. Harlem Life.
''You seem to like the Colonel,
Uncle Mose?" Eyes, sab; he's so
gentlemanly, sab p "Gentlemanly, in
what way2' "With his money, sab,
with his money. Buffalo Courier.
Tenor" "Sir, this music is trihe
too high for me. Manager Let us
take it note lower" Tenor-"Oh,
half note would do" Manager
(solemnly) Here, sir, we never do
things by halves "--Tit-Bits.
Mr.. Baldboy (smiling kindly ''The
waves are using you rudely. Will you
permit me to assist you to the shore?"
Miss Waterly--''Never mind, thank
you. The waves may be rude, but
they are not fresh. Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Spiker lin search of boarding.
house There is no limit to the diet,
1 presume, madam" Boarding-hous
Keeper (proudly)--''No limit, sir.
During the last year five of my
boarders died from over-eating. -
Tit-Bits.
"Mr. Meteman, said the young
wife with great severity to her butch
er, "those last eggs you sent me were
all spoiled, and unless you change
your old hens for new ones L shall be
obliged to trade somewhere else. -
Chicago Record.
Random Observer "Pardon me,
but what are you putting down in
your notebook" Worlds Fair Visit.
or-"Oh, I'm just putting down the
things that have made an indelible inn
preston upon my memory so that
won't forget them. Chicago Record.
Freshleigh Ito stranger mt a reeep-
this is funny house
1 came here tonight without an invita-
tion." Stranger--"So did l. How
did you come here?" Freshleigh--
'Just walked in. How did you come
here?' Stranger "Just walked in.
It's my house Vogue.
He was small man, the conductor
of an electric car, and she was a large,
powerful looking woman. 81 want
you TO put me off at Concord street,
she said. He viewed her majestic fig.
ure for moment, and re piled 'cMad-
am, will stop the car and let you get
off. New York Press.
81 suppose the panic hasn't struck
you yet, Mr. Gotrox?" 1T hasn't,
Ell? Here I've got more'n $40, 600
that l can't get people to borrow at
all afraid to go into bust
ness any deeper. If these times keeps
up little longer I'll land in the poor.
house in six months. indianapolis
Journal
A judge, in crossing the Irish Chan
mel one stormy night, knocked against
a well-known witty lawyer who was
terribly from seasickness.
"Can l do anything for you?" said
the judge. "Yes, gasped the seasick
lawyer, Il wish your lordship would
oyerrule this motion. - White Noun
taineer.
Chollie-'I hate to say anything i'll
Of "A dead man, but the doosid lawyers
who have been looking over Upper
ion's papers have bwought to light
ihings that showed him TO be No gen
.lemen. Chappie "Haw What did
hey fnd?" Chollie-" Envy time he
oaned any money to any Of the men
n the club he made memorandum
If it. indianapolis Journal,