davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
soUARINo 1T.
The Captain Was In too Big Hurry to
Spit on It.

Spit on 1t.
A good story has been told OF a
lisping officer having been victimized
by brother officer-who was noted
for his cool deliberation and strong
nerves-and of his '.getting square"
with him In the following manner:
The cool joker-Captain Blakeney-
was always quizzing the lisping Off
cer-a lieutenant for his nervous
ness and said one day at mess:
"Why, nervousness is all nonsense; !
tell you no brave man is ever ner-
vous." WELL" inquired his lisping
friend, show would you act thpothing
a thell with an NTH furthee thould
drop ithelf in walled angle, in
which you had taken shelter from a
company of tharp thooterth and
where it wath thertain If you put
out your nothe you'd get peppered?"
"How?" said the captain, with a
look at his brother officers why.
take 1t coolly and spit on the fuse. I"
The party broke up and all retired.
The next morning number of SOL
diers were assembled on parade, when
along came the lisping lieutenant
Lazily opening his eyes, he remarked
to cluster of officers: IL want to
try an ekthperiment thith morning
and thee how extheedingly cool Tom
Blakeney can be-" Saying this he
walked deliberately INTO the cap
tain's quarters, where fire was
burning on the hearth, and placed in
its hottest part powder canister
and instantly retreated. There was
but one door of egress from the quar-
ters and that opened on the parade
ground The occupant gave one look
at the canister, comprehended the
fituation and in a moment made for
the door, but it was fastened on the
outside. Charley, let me out if you
love me-" shouted the captain.
"Shpit on the canister" shouted he
in return.
Not moment was to be lost; the
captain had at first snatched up n
blanket to cover himself with, but,
soon dropping it, he raised the win
dow, and out he bounded, sans ev-
orything but very short undergar-
ment. and thus, with hair almost on
end, he dashed onto full parade
ground. Tho shouts which hailed
him brought out the whole of the oc-
cupants of the carracks to see what
was the matter, and the digniiied
captain pulled sergeant in front to
hide himself, "Why didn't you
thpit on it?" inquired the lieutenant.
because there were no sharpshoot-
era in front to stopa retreat, an
swered the captain "All Two got
to thay then it'll. said tho lieuten-
ant, "that you might thafely have
done it, for I'll thware there waehn't
a thingle grain of powder in it..
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
A Four Poster.

DIR. Walter G. Smith, the popular
Scotch poet-preacher, who has this
year been presiding over the Free
Church assembly, on one occasion
tried to explain to an old lady the
meaning of the scriptural expression,
Take up thy bed and walk" by say
ing that the bed was simply mat
or rug easily taken up and carried
away. "No, no." replied the lady.
Il Gamma believe that The bed was
regular four-poster. There would
be no miracle in walking away wi a
bit o mat or rug on your back. -
ArpOnaut
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
SEVEN HISTORIC SCOLpS.

Hazlitt's wife cared nothing for his
abilities and kept him in hot water by
her temper.
Boswells "Uxoriana" is collection
of his wife's sayings to him, which
does no little credit to her abilities as
scold.
Ben. Jonson's wife went to the inn
after him if he stayed too long and
brought him home, tongue-lashing
him ali the way.
Addison's wife, the dowager coun-
tess Of Warwick, would not allow him
TO go to the inn at all unless he sat by
the window, where he was in plain
view from her front room.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
COAL DUST EXPLOSIONS
Difficult to Produce Artihciaily, But
Due to Oxygen and Dust.


In the course of lecture recently
by Professor Harold b. Dixon, OF the
Owens college, Manchester, on Goal
nd Coal Mining" he directed atten-
ton to the evidence which has been
accumulated regarding the action OF
finely divided coal dust either in pro-
noting or aggravating the intensity
of explosions produced by fire. or, on
the other hand, igniting itself and
causing an explosion in mines, says
the Scientific American.
He said the question which was
being considered was this: Is dust
capable of creating a flame when it
comes in contact with large flame
such as may be produced by blown
out shot or by an explosion of gas
and air? 1t was not supposed that
an ordinary naked light in mine
would suffice for an explosion of coal
dust and air. There must be first a
great disturbance to raise the dust,
and mingle it with the air, to make
it an explosive mixture; and there
must be great heat locally applied
to initiate the explosion.
But when once this had been set
up, flame might extend SO far as
there was the coal dust lying on the
floor or sides, and the damage done
by it was comparable, at all events,
by that caused by an explosion Of
fire-damp and air. This was view
frequently urged, and. in support of
it, the lecturer tried few expert
ments. He showed that fine dust
falling on flame will give off flame
and sparks, and that when mixed
with oxygen an intense flame is pro,
duced The difficulty, he added,
was to obtain the requisite proper.
tions of coal dust and air to make
the explosive mixture.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

of visiting the finest portions of the Great
West at small cost is offered by the Burl-
ington Routes Columbian Year Harvest
Excursions of August 22d, September 18th
and October 10th.
On those dates, round trip tickets to all
Burlington Route points in Nebraska, Kan
sas, Colorado, South Dakota and Wyoming
will be on sale at extremely low rates
Tickets are good for twenty days and adj
NIT of stop-over at any point west of the
Missouri River
Get up party and visit the 100 bushels
to-the-acre cornfields of Nebraska and Kan
sas; the rich wheat lands of eastern Col
orado, or the wonderfully irrigated districts
of northern Wyoming.
For information about rates apply to
your nearest ticket agent. For pamphlets,
etc, write to j. FRANCIS, Genl Pass'r
Agent, Burlington Route, Omaha, Neb.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
FARLEY AND PALAVER.

Horse Dealer--I always pick my
customers Friend-Do you? | was
told that you skinned them.
HAS Scribblc made anything out Of
his short stories?' yes" do you
know what?' "A fiat failure"
'It's funny thing that what is the
sailors joy is the actors sorrow"
unused Haverly. "What is that?"
asked Austen "A lighthouse"
Mamma Robbie, isn't that the
nickel | gave you to put in the contri-
button box? Robbie-Oh, no. ! put
that one in, and this is great deal
newer one that | took out of 1t.
Tcacher-That is the fourth ques.
ton you have failed to answer. Ii
you don't study harder now, how do
YOU expect to get along when you
grow up? Little Boy guess I'll be
a school teacher, an when / want to
know anything I'll JUS ask tn class.
Witness-He looked me straight in
the eye and Lawyer-There, sir,
you've fatty contradicted your former
statement. Witness-How so? Lawyer
You said before that he bent his
gaze on You, and now you'll please
explain how he could look you straight
in the eye with a bent gaze.
The following death notice lntely
appeared in a Georgia paper: "Ou'
devil was buried to-day. We told
him to follow copy and the wind blew
his manuscript out of the window
and in trying to follow it he broke
his neck. We have ordered another
by freight, but will give him different
instructions"
Have you been fishing?' said the
father. The boy was silent There
was evidently a great struggle going
OH within him. "You must answe
me, my son; have you been fishing?'
well, father, will you tell me one
thing first?' Eyes What is it?'
do you call it going fishing wlel
,-o,, jo,,'t catch onythippo"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
German
Syrup"

Justice Of the Peace, George VII
kinson, of Lowville, Murray Co.,
Mimi, makes deposition concern
ing severe cold. Listen to it. I'm
the Spring of 1888, through ex-
posture l contracted a very severe
cold that settled on my lungs. This
was accompanied by excessive night
sweats. One bottle of Boschee' S
German Syrup broke up the cold,
night sweats, and all and left me
in a good, healthy condition. l can
give German Syrup my most earnest
commendation. O
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

That is what you ought to let your
pastures go to. Some pastures haven't
enough grass but what few old hens
would pick clean. Now If you want
luxuriant pastures or winter wheat
fields sow Salzer's seeds. Think of
it! Six tons of hay per acre and sixty.
five bushels of wheat. Such yields
make farming pay. Cut this out and
send cents in stamps to-day to John
A. Salzer seed company, Lacrosse,
Wis, and receive free package of
Worlds Fair Winter Wheat and his fall
catalogue.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
Her Point of View.

Miss Upton of New York-One
does not mind running across to
Europe now bit.
Miss Hill, of Brooklyn,a fewmin-
utes later-When are you coming
over to see me, dear?
Miss Upton-Oh, dear, l don't know.
You live so far away.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
Why Not Move to Nebraska,

Why Not Move to Nebraska,
Where lard is cheap Where just as good
farms as are selling for $50 and $40 an acre
in Iowa. Illinois and Missouri, are to be
had for $40 or SIS an acre! Where the soil,
the climate, the surroundings are all that
can be desired! Where there's MONEY In
farming!
Why not movel
Five years-nay, three years-hence will
be too late. The "cheap land" days will
have gone by forever.
Move now!
Write to J. Francis, General Passenger
Agent, Burlington Route, Omaha, Neb,
for descriptive pamphlets. They'll help
you to decide on location.
Write TO-DAY. You needn't enclose
a stamp. The pamphlets are free.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

against anything large sore would come. l
suffered terribly; could not work, or rest day
or night Even my right side became almost
useless, felt numb and could not use It. Was
afraid was going TO have paralysis. l went
and saw some of the best physicians in this
city, but they could do me no good. was in
despair while in this miserable and pitiable
condition. / heard of the success DR.. Hath
away was having in such diseases and con-
cluded to try him. When l called upon him he
told me he could cure me in three months The
first week that used the Doctors medicine
obtained the greatest relief and comfort and
commenced TO improve at once, and at the end
of three months am cured under Dr. Hath
away's skillful treatment"
The facts in the above case can be readily
verified by calling or addressing Mr.. Vey at his
residence above address
Remember DR.. Hathaway & Co.treat all forms
OF chronic diseases peculiar to men and women
Private diseases Of both sexes Female troubles
cured at home without instruments They cure
where others fail Donot fai! to write them IL
afflicted. They are the leading and successful
specialists OF this country in their line.
Send for Symptom Blank No. for Men;
No 2 for Women
Address DR.. Hathaway & Co., Cor. 9TH and
Nebraska SITS, Sioux City, Iowa.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
The heart, not the head, is the real mas
ter of the man.

Tie fall line of general Dry Goods dis
piayrd BY CAaS E. Riser g. Bro, Des
Moiaes. 4I5-4I5 Walnut. Snrpasses any in
tie eity An old and relia6ke firm. Gall
or Try them aiM mail oydf,y.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
SAID BY SAGES,


To hate is the same thing as to kill.
An evil thought is the mother of an
evil act,
Youth looks at the possible, age at
probable
Condemning other people will not
justify us.
Don't go where you would not be
willing to die.
Don't go to sleep until you can for
give everybody.
Don't neglect an opportunity to per-
form kind action.
When you try to be good try to be
good for something.
People who borrow trouble never
have to go far to fiud it.
Don't go where you would not have
your children to follow you.
There is no bigger coward than the
man who is afraid to do rightly.
There is nothing easier to believe
than pleasing lie about ourselves.
Don't step over one duty to perform
another. Take them as they come.
Don't forget that no matter where
you are someb body is looking at You.
Conscience is the voice of the soul;
the passions are the voice of the body
Whatever sin has caused in the hui
man race, it will cause in you if not
given UP.
The man who deprives his brother
of a right Il no better than the one
who robs his h.lse.
When the soul resolves to perform
every duty, Immediately it is conscious
of the presence of God.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Miss Laura-Oh, auutie You re-
member Mr.. Meeker who went from
here as missionary? i have just
heard that those awful cannibals ate
him.
Aunt Sophronia-La me! ! do hope
they cooked him with turnips. The
poor dear man was so fond of turnips!
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
why Lightning Is zig Gag.

Lightning is zig gag because, as IL
condenses the air in the immediate
advance of its path it files from side
to side in order to pass where there
10 the least resistance TO its progress.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
PICKINGS FROM PAPERS,

Coachman's and footmans livery
must harm onize with the color of the
carriage.
An advertiser in paper says he
has cottage to let containing six
rooms and an acre of land.
Joseph Maytubley, full blooded
Choctaw Indian, has been awarded the
highest honor for oratory at the
Trinity College, Durham, N. c., COM
meneement
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
The worlds Coffee cup.

The world annually consumes about
$50, 900 tons of coffee. Estimating
coffee as being worth about 500 per
ton, which is about good average,
this represents an outlay OF $3.50, 0OJ,-
900 for this one beverage each year.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Tbrives on good food and sunshine with
plenty of exercise in the open air. Her
form CLOVIS with health and her face blooms
with its beauty. If her system needs the
cleansing action of a laxative remedy, she
uses the gentle and pleasant liquid laxative
Syrup of Figs.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Via the Chicago, Milwaukee & st. Paul
railway to all the best farming sections of the
West and Northwest September II, 1903, De-
tober 10, 1898. Return tickets good for twenty
days. Low rates. All coupon ticket agents
sell tickets via the Chicago, Milwaukee & St.
Paul railway. GEO III, llEAFFORD,
General Passenger Agent Chicago
, City Ticket Office, Chicago, 201 Clark St
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Young gent tat party, to his neighbor)
What a charming apparition, that lady
yonder with the golden hair!
Yes, that hair cost good 5000 francs
"And those teeth--a veritable casket OF
pearls
Patent enamel Guaranteed to last
three years"
''In short, she's an ANGEL
mot bad looking, you mean to say2n
Come sir, l won't allow you to speak
so slightingly of a person whom you don't
know"
~ know her great deal better than you
do-she's my wifel"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

1t is interesting to see how sorry the man
who went to the country for a vacation
and the man who staid at home are for
each other
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

To THE EDIToR:-Please inform your readers
that have a positive remedy for the thousand and
one Ills which arise from deranged female organs.
Not prescription to be filled, but will send two
bottles of my remedy Free of all cost for the medi
cine. remedy and use, any lady If they will send
their Express and Z. O. address. | hold cores
pondence strictly confidential and forward my re-
plies and remedy in plain wrapper DIR, }. ;.
Ma rchsi, Utica, NY.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
Map Of the United States.

A large, handsome Map of the United
States, mounted, and suitable for office or
home use, is issued by the Burlington
Route. Copies will be sent to any address,
on receipt of fifteen cents in postage, by
p S. Eustis, Genl Pass Agent, c., b. & q.
r. r., Chicago, ILL.,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
All work is hard work for a lazy man
Idaho SnrlnQa.

Idaho Springs, in Deer Creek Canon, Col
orado, is thirty-seven miles from Denver,
on the Union Pacific System Here are
found veritable healing waters for the peo-
pie, and the place of all others in Colorado
recommended by physicians for consump.
tives.
III the time ever comes when the devil
can't make lie look as white as the truth
he will have to quit.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

The man who has no bus mess of his own
to attend to generally goes to bed tired.
Golden opportunities fly low, but they fly
swift
The place for the revival to begin is in
the preachers heart.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

sit is the biggest thing have ever struck"
What? Why the business advertised in another
column by b. +. johnson & Co. of Richmond, Va
If you are open to an engagement write them.
They can show you good thing.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
The Modern Beauty

The man who starts out to use up the
bible will be too old to enjoy his victory by
the time he gets through with his job.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

What the girl thinks she will do, the
woman seldom does.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
BAD BLOOD.

Blotches, Sores, Scales and Crusts-A
Remarkable Case Cured-Suffered All
Man Could Suffer and Live-Face,
Neck and Hands Covered With Awful
Sores-Read and he Convinced.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

HALLS CATARRH CURE is liquid
and is taken internally, and acts directly
on the blood and mucous surfaces of the
system, Send for testimonials, free Sold
by Druggists, 75c.
+. j. CHENEY a. CO., Props, Toledo, O.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

We may fill our lives with music il we
know what chords to touch.
No matter how much religion we profess,
all that counts is what we live
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

FITS-An fits stopped free py DIR. KLiNE'S GREAT
NERVE RRsTORRR. No Mt after first days use. Mar
Vicious Treatise and o. 0 trial bottle free to Iii
Send to Dr. Kline 931 Arch St. Philadelphia Ia
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

There are more than a thousand different
ways in which a conceited man can brag of
h
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

BEEcHAM's PILLS take the place of an en-
tire medicine chest, and should be kept for
use in every family. Is cents box.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

ICure Dyspepsia and Constipation.
DIR. Shoops Restorative Nerve Pills sent free with
Medical Book to prove merit, for &c stamp. Drug
gists Csc. DIR. SHooP, Box W.. Racine, Wis
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

1t is breath wasted for man to pray for
q revival who will not pay his debts
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Contentment is better than riches but it
takes about the same amount of money for
the one as the other.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

When woman sets her face against any
thing 1T usually has to go-except it hap.
pens to be moustache.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

The more the church mixes with the
world the less it can do toward saving sin.
ners
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

man VI Sts
Joseph Mo.
residing at
No. 1928 Sd
st., corner
Hig hla n d
ay., has the
foil o wi n &
to say: Il
was laid up
with d is
ease in my
hands, face
and neck,
br e a king
out in sores
which were
red, sore
and crack
ed, with a
nasty d is
c h arge, a
b u r n | n z
h e at and
great itch
ing. NJ Y
blood was
so bad that
W h Q n l
would hit
m v hands
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
Kar,'s Clover IsooS.

You will miss it if you undertake to
measure a mans religion by the length of
his face
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
4 Big Thing.

Although you know more than your en-
ployer, never tell him so.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

The golden calf never grows into a COW
that gives milk
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

"Hansons Magic corn salve.v
Warranted to cure money refunded. ASK YOUR
druggist forit. Price rs cents.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Riches have wings that flap tho other
WHY only : :,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Shiloh's Consumption Cure
Is sold a guarantee. 1t cures Incipient Consump
ton. 1t is the best Cough Cure &cts.. Scots & S0a
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Money is like good newspaper; the
larger the circulation the more good it does
and the more useful it is.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

When the dealers put down the prices on
peaches-the women put them up.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Yesterday is much farther away than to
morrow.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Be sure and use that old and welltried remedy, Mr.
vISsLows SOOTHING SYRUP for Children Teething.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

Goes Cough BaIsam
Is the oldest and best. 1t will break Cold quick
err than an thing else 1t Is always reliable Try IL.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
Three Harvest Excursions

Polishing a rascal's head never makes
his heart any whittier.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

The rose never tries to wear the livery of
the lily.
Cupid is scarcely to be believed on oath.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07
An UneaualIed Opportunity

There is no greater blockhead than the
one whose mistakes never teach him any
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07


The great Blood Purifier gives freshness and ceRrness
to the CompeX on and cnres Constipation. 25c. SOC
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-09-07

say In applying to any of the above ad-
vertisers, do not forget to say that you saw
the advertisement in this paper