The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-03-14
BROWN AS A ~PUNcTUAToR.
What Came of Trying a New Rapid
Method of Learning the Rules.


Method of Learning the Rules.
Brown, my boy, there's nothing
like it. It's better than French in Six
Weeks, because you can work it into
yourself in a month, so that you can
hardly say Or think anything without
following the rule. Take this beauti-
full selection, which recalls our school
boy days: The boy stood on the
burning deck, comma, whence all but
he had fled, semicolon; the flames that
lit the battles wreck, comma, shone
around him DER the dead, period
That's grand; that's inspiring. You
have all the beauty and all the senti-
mont, and besides you punctuate az
you go along, and so mingle the arts
tic and the useful"
Brown was quite taken with this new
plan for learning how to pUnctuate
properly, says the Washington Star.
He had often felt like a brother to the
fellow who wrote a book without any
punctuation whatever, simply adding
in an appendix q complete list of pune
tuation marks, from which the reader
could select and punctuate as much or
as little as he pleased.
The first lesson went off swimming
ly. Brown so fell into the spirit of it
that as he walked up the street after
wards he found himself soliloquiziug:
Il wonder, comma, if [ had better get
that paregOric, comma, for the baby,
comma, before I go home, period. Per
haps, comma -" Then he slipped up
on a piece of banana skin and went
down fat with two exclamation
points and enough stars to equip sew
erai issues of a blanket sheet"
For the first time in his life he felt
like using the dash" and also making
a dash for the miscreant who threw
that murderous peel there. He lay on
the pavement long enough to denote
several paragraphs, then got up with
difficulty and limped down the street.
But the magic power of that first les
son was still upon him, and meeting a
n~ewsboy, he began: "Well, comma,
my boy, comma, what papers have
you? interrogation point" The sharp
eyed little rascal gazed at him curious
ly and then replied: "Com.ah? Come
off. When did Yer 'scape from tn 'sy-
lump"
After punctuating the town generally
during the next two hours and getting
a crowd Of small boys at his heels,
whom he escaped by seeking refuge in
an empty school building-a place the
average boy never enters if he can help
it-he took home to his dear family a
somewhat battered but still large sup
ply Of punctuations.
At 2 a. m. his wife nudged him.
"John, John, there are burglars in the
house." "What-ah2 Burglars-burg-
lars Now wide awake, he sprang to
the floor, exclaiming: dearest,
comma, I will defend you, comma,
even with my hearts blood, comma, if
necessary, exclamation point! He
then threw open the chamber door
right in the face of two masked burg
lars, who held pistols to his breast and
demanded: your money Or your
life!"
With one whirI Of his strong right
arm he dashed the pistols aside, two
bullets ~perforating the hall window in
stead Of his head, as was intended.
With two more whirls of that trusty
arm he sent the burglars as surely and
swiftly as one sentence follows another
in the mouth of a 200 a minute speaker
out through the windo v after the bull
lets, remarking: There, comma,
now, comma, you can hunt your bull,
lets at your leisure, period. Call again,
comma, and III show you how to pune
tuate better, comma, but you can't put
a period to my existence just yet,
period
Then rushing back to his wife he ex-
claimed: joy 10 my life, exclama-
ton point, light Of my eyes, more ex
cIamasion points, come to my arms,
period" They fell weeping on each
others necks. Stars and dashes come
in here, denoting a domestic scene too
sacred for the eyes and ears Of the vul-
gar public.
QUIPS OF THE DAY.
"WeIl." said the inpatient street car