The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-11-07
Thinks he Will Become

Revenue 49,
thing of a Political Infdel-- No
Chance to Interview the
President.
B.-"Hello! Mr.. Editor"
R.-"Good morning Major. How
are you3'
BIN ouIy middlin'. l can't
hardly strike highlow this mornin'."
R.-"What is the trouble now?'
B.-'T've just hearn tina this Wild
West Show" whut has bin performin'
in Washington since the 9TH of August
has adjourned without confirmin' Sim
mons an Kope Elias. That beats the
Jews. The country never will get
any relief if this thing goes on"
RI understand. You think the
Senate should have confirmed the two
revenue collectors so you could begin
work as a storekeeper and gauger.
They were not confirmed, but they are
authorized to get up their bonds and
take charge. They will probably be
confirmed later on"
BIS that so? Then l reckin l
have some chance yet. But l will
give up my job. There is too much
uncertainty about the whole thing, an
Betsy she is dead agin my holdin' a
revenue offs. That kinder settles the
matter with me, though, of course, l
could do as l please, you understand.
Say, I'm a regular political inferdel.
There is lots ov folks in my fix"
R.-"Please explain yourself"
B.-"Well, you see I've sorter lost
coincidence in the whole pack Ov 'em.
[ thought last year frum whut Capt.
Coke said, that we would have State
banks an plenty ov money. Mr.. Q, B..
Aycock an Mr.. R B Glenn tole US that
we would get free coinage oV silver.
Mr.. Aycock lowed he would get out
.ov the party if they didn't give US free
coinage. But l motifs he is still stickin'
vet. l use to think we would get tariff
reform, pension reform, more money
an lots of guide things. but they don't
turn up. 1 tell you I'm a perlitical
inferdel now sure enough"
RI will admit that you have
good reasons for becoming a political
infdel, but you should not become
sour and lose confidence in everybody.
There is still some manhood and in
tegrity left among the people. Let us
hope that the good men of all parties
will see the inevitable, get together
and crush ]plutOcracy out of sight"
B.-"That is just what Betsy says.
She hasn't lost hope, an I believe she
is about right, if I am a political infer
del. Say, hitch my phone to Presi
dent Cleveland at Washington. 1 want
ter ak him a few questions"
R-"GO ahead and call the White
House"
B-"Hello! Mr.. FISH mean Mr..
Cleveland. Wake up"
Washington.-"Hel whOare you?'
B.-"Zeke Bilkins. Who are your
Washington Pm the gardener al
the White House. What is it,
B.-"I want ter talk with Mr.. Cleve
land"
Gardner.-''The President is out al
his country residence. Some fellers
from New York and London are out
there. 1 guess they are paintin' things
red, fer. lots of paint has been hauled
out there"
B.-"Where are the members ov the
Cabinet?"
Gardner.-''Some of 'em are out
there an sum ov 'em are ~picnicin'
around one place an another. The
members of Congress, that is them
whut voted right on the repeal bill, are
havin' a good time, too. 1 hear that
1900 bottles of champagne we're placed
at their disposal an that means a pic
mic with a big P"
B.-"An right. I'm much obliged
ter you. I've found out that when
Grover is not fishin' he's picuicin' OF
catnippin' the kids in his own house OF
the snobs frum New York an London
I reckon them folks whut are expectin
reform will continue to expect it. Al
fer me an Betsy an Our household, WI
have done quit ~expectin't until there il
a new deal made. I'd give my blacl
mule Pete to git to hear Betsy talk te
President Cleveland an them othe
goldbugs until she would git tired
I'll bet she would make him wish h
had got drowned in a big cask ov bee
at his brewery in Buffalo, New York
I see Captain Ashe says prices are e
in down instead of up. Ask him if b
is goin' to stay with q party that doe
h,1Siness that waV. If he does. itAwi
he a picnick for old Nick, cause he
coin ter git all the folks that does thu
way. Good bye"