The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1893-07-21
told ono 81 then VINO was 3 little ,u,nrnly

told one Of them who was q little unruly
to remain with you after the others had
gone home. I say ! could imagine
Robert cooling his heels and shaking the
water out Of his umbrella In the front
entry Of the White House waiting to get
in. but, failing even 70 do that, then 20
ing sadly away, while In the distance he
could hear you pouring ont q voliey 81
oaths on Mr.. Cleveland. Then / hear
the gentle. quiet voice OF the poet as he,
quotes from himself:
And set ! deem that God d not tisquietcd.
Do you realize, Thurber, that yon and;
I and the German emperor are only
worms in the vast economy Of natures
Do you understand that men struggie
TO the close Of q long lifetime and are
never heard Of? That they study and
work to get even an opportunity to ap-
pear on the stage, think thought and
retires Do you consider the fact that
they fail even in thats
Why should you and ! try. Thurber,
4 Try to be great stars and be well fixed,
when the nearest fixed star isso far away
that II takes three years It's light to
reach MS, and he Is not so very well fixed
either?
We should not overestimate ourselves,
Thurber. We should be modest. Look
at the pictures made to represent me,
Would you stand that, Thurbers No,
indeedyi
Here is o boy who writes me on a
postal card. notwithstanding tho ruling
In the Thirty fifth Massachusetts, Reports
in Bingham versus bingham, page 205
wiz, that correspondence purported to
have been carried on by means OF postal
cards Is not admissible as evidence, the
court having dismissed the case with
costs because the evidence hung upon
matter written on q postal card.
He reminds me Of you, Thurber, in the
way he reprimands his superiors and
enubs them and sauces them by postal
card for laxness In sending two auto
graphs ut once-one for himself, 1 pre-
sumo, and one for the cigars.
MnLEosE Mass, April q.
DEAH Mr.. NYE-l sent TO you q letter on the
ed day OF February asking for two Of your
autographs. Enclosed u 2-ccnt stamp. Now, L
do not SEQ why have not received q reply. Il
II because you did not receive mylcttcr, or Is II
because you nre, as ! have heard 10 the case
with all humorists, unwilling 10 oblige mo, or
Is Il for some other reason1 Pray relieve my
mind Syreplying and sending two autographs.
! am boy 10 years Of age and 60 to the high
school. Yours truly, ALrcK j.
Ycu do wrong, in the first place, in
signing yourself Aleck i, or Smart Alecks
|. Aleck MDCC CXCI1I would be more
appropriate. for have other such postal
cards.
But will not try to brave ii out.
Aleck. Ialone am. to blame. It is bet
ter to expose myself in the paper and let
the whole world know what q wretch Il
am. 4
Aleck, Twas unworthy Of your trust.
fused the stamp you sent me. ems
bezzled II. 4 Wrote to my grandma other
In Wisconsin and put that stamp ON the
letter. You know how times have been
since. "a
Icould not write to you and tell you
what ] had done. Twas unable to right
the great wrong or even confess itto:you. !
Have pity on me, Aleck I, aged is have
pity and let it go.
You speak harshly of humorists. That
does not concern me. Your cold stabs
per postal card fall harmlessly on my
massive skull When you revile the
farmer, ] writhe and squirm. but your
attacks on the humorist do me good.
Hop on 'em, Aleckl They deserve It. ]
They would be improved by 1t. Write
them on the back Of q postal card fire.
iquently. But go easy on us farmers.
You can have no idea, Aleck, what a
shrinlsage there has been invalues. Il
applies to everything. Aweek ago had
q Worlds fair watermelonl Yesterday
I went down to gloat over 1t. 1t had
shrunk to q little dead melon that had
been tapped twicel
Do not write me any more. however,
Aleck. I do not build up a correspond
ence generally with those who write me
for two autographs.
There Is another reason why in later
years I have neglected my autograph:
friends, and am sorry and ashamed to
admit 1t herein public, but the consump-
tive young man who did my best auto
graph fact similars is dead.