Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-10-09
JUST FOR FUN.

Theacher-Define gentleman. Boy
"A gentleman is growed up boy
wot used to mind his mother.
Jennie, there's something crawling
up your back Oh my! Take it off,
quick, Harry. l can't it's your Elton
jacket.
Ishave been troubled with chronic catarrh
| for years. Ely's Cream Balm is the only rem
edy among the many that 1 have used that af-
| fords me relief.-E. H Willard, Druggist, Jo-
! Iiet, Ills.
Can you tell me what year the town
Of Pompeii was burnt? I don't re-
member the precise date, sir, but it
must have been on Ash Wednesday.
Every woman admires man who
can swim, and looks with horror at a
boy who wants to learn how.
When Cupid has shot one of his ar
rows through two hearts he takes to
the all timber in a hurry.
Don't! If a dealer offers you bottle of Sal
walton Oil without wrapper or labels, or in
mutilated condition, don't touch it, don't buy
it al any price, there is something wrong, it
may be a dangerous worthless counterfeit.
Insist upon getting perfect, unbroken, gen.
uine package. Be on your guard,
Employer-Well Patrick, which is
the bigger fool, you or I? Patrick
Faith couldn't say sor, but it's not
mesilf
Wife-You are not the man you
were when I married you. Husband
Then you are to be congratulated.
I was a fool then.
Popper-That boy of mine is a reg
ular phenomenon Bachelor (wearily) |
In what way? Popper-Six years
old and never said bright thing in I
his life.
For sore throat there is nothing better !
than flannel bandage dampened with Cham
berlain's Pain Balm. It viii nearly always |
effect cure in one nights time. This RENE
dy is also favorite for rheumatism and has
cured many very so cent bot /
ties for sale by H. G. Pierce.
like you very much. Charlie, but !
couldn't marry you. | don't think we
could live happily together But, my
married I wouldn't be home very
much.
Yo'll notus, said Uncle Eben, dat er
man dat hates work mos always amt
we'll huff quainted wild it ter form any
kind Of an opinion.
Mother Mabel, stop pounding your
little brother! What do you mean?
told him we'd better
play we was only engaged but he
wanted to play we was married.
Costumes is the cause of the intolerab1e
bad breath" of multitudes. Dr.. Henry Bax-
5er's Mandrake Bitters remove the and
prevent the evil, and cost only 25 cents.
Mr.. Wifins (who detests society
You didn't care anything for company
when I was counting you. Mrs. With
who likes society)-You were COM
oany about then.
Young Husband-Pm just about
lead from putting down this carpet.
Wife-The carpet is not heavy. No,
,ut have to work in such a cramped
position. Nonsense. Just imagine
vou are on your bicycle.
Mr.. WickWire-W What is that woman
cross the way trying to sing? Mrs.
Sweetheart's the Man
n the Moon. Mr.. Wickwire-Wel if
le don't hear it, it isn't her fault.
q Million Friends.
MILLION FRIENDs.-A friend in need is
riend indeed, not less than one Million peo-
lie have found just such friend in DIR.
ing's New Discovery for Consumption,
oughs, and Colds.-If you have never used
MS Great Cough Medicine, trial will
ince you that it has wonderful curative pow
RS in all diseases of Throat, Chest and Lungs,
ach bottle is guaranteed to do all that is