Pawtucket tribune. (Pawtucket, R.I.) 1890-189?, 1893-08-21
A PAYTENT COOKER.

St. Bartholomew's. 1T consists, ~ mebbe
you can see''---
"But don't desiye Q COOKER and would
not look at one II I did" interrupted the
rector Of st. Bartholomew's IN a. ifascible
manner as is permitted to his cloth.
"They come In three sizes, continued the
mild hammered man with the soft low
voice-'small. mejum and large. They're
made Of tin, genuwine block tin, not rolled
tin have frequently been congratulated
on the quality Of my TIN. Satd Bishop
Dobson to me, Hicks, congratulate yoo
ON the quality Of your TIM"
"Bishop Dobsonf' queKsd the rector of
st. Bartholomew with languid interest
~ don't remember to have seen his name
In the church calendar"
"Methody." explained the mild hammered
man. ''I'm a Methody. Here's q oertif-
cate from my pastor saying I'm an tndt
vidooal Of moral character and use good
tin in my cookers Here's a letter from
Rev Edward Atkins-but don't set much
store by that, bein as he ts Baptis' end no
Judge Of tin. The principle on which my
cooker Is based"-
"You. will have to excuse me-" said the
rector Of St. Bartholomew's, looking hard
st the heavy gold watch presented him by
the parish on his last birthday. "but have
q sermon tO write"
"Mebbe your lady would like to see the
cooker" said the mild hammered man.
'It's made Of genuwine block tin, and
Bishop Dobson himself said, Hicks, con-
gratulate you on the quality Of your tin.'"
~ have no wife," said the rector, with
the merest suspicion OF q blush.
''Then buya cooker aud git one" said
the mild man confdentially. with Hicks
tint NIL
git one easy. They come In three sizes
small, mejum and large. This here Is the
small one Folds all up, you see, like 0
telescope. Mebbe you wouldn't believe II,
but one OF them small sized cookers saved
my life once. II was In the spring Of 1853,
or the fall of 1854 or the winter of 1854,
don't remember which. and IL don't make
no difference, that the Rev. Dr.. James
Wilyums. ID. D., and took passage for
Africky In the brig Thomas J. Walkup,
goin as missionaries to some Of the numer-
GUS cannibal tribes that keeps down the
population, and consequently accounts for
the depressed value Of real estate in the
dark continent.
"Rev. Dr. Wilyums was to teach the saw
ages religion, but my mission was a more
important one. was to introduce Hicks
paytent cooker among 'em. You can see
that even this large sized cooker won't hold
a man, to say nothin Of the mejum and
small ones. Now. calculated 70 teach the
savages to use my cookers, and when they
got SO attached to 'em as DO never eat moth
In except what was cooked In a cooker
seeing that you couldn't cook man in 'em
-cannibalism would naturally die out.
When broached my plan to Bishop Dob
son, his eyes shone, and he said: Go, Hicks,
4 u
OF Rev. DR.. Wilyums. heartily commend
quality Of your tin Them was his words,
and went
"Well, sir, the mornin after arrived In
Africky began to talk to the chief about
my cooker, when what does he do but take
me down to the leadin grocery store Of the
town and show me Rev. Dr.. Wilyums
chained up
"'Can you cook himP axed the chief
".No,' said I, my breath all gone with
surprise at the turn affairs had took.
"'Well,' said the old chief. 'them's the
kind Of victuals we eats. We don't con.
sumo much in the way Of breakfast foods,
infants food and the like II your cooker
can't cook our style of provisions, we amt
got any use for it,
"And with that they put me in their Jail.
and that was the last ever see or heerd Of
Rev. DIR. James Wilyums. ID. ID. They
would have ct me at once, but the chiefs
daughter, Ugogina, fell in love with me
and made 'em put of the obsequies, or fes-
tivities, according as you looked at it from
my standpoint or the savages talked
nice to Ugogina and got her to bring me
my small sized cooker, the only one the old
witch doctor what kept the cookers would
let her have, and with that / cooked them
savages the finest kind of victuals they
ever ct, and they set me free and made me
royal cook, and the chief kinder smiled in
diligently at the way Ugogina was maxim
up to me-. So you see the small sized cook
er saved my life."
"I'll buy the small size" said the rector
hastily. VI have sermon to write.'
Now you just take my advice and git
mejum size. You can afford 1t. When
you take that small size cooker round to
that young lady you're after, when you ask
her to marry you, what II she thinkf Why,
she'll say to herself that in buyin this
small cooker you are layin out not to ever
have any company to meals, and If she's
girl that Is fond Of company you're runnin
risk. Wait till tell you how the mejum
sized cooker saved my life.
"Well, the old witch doctor took a big
dislike to me- and kept tellin the folks that
would cookin; Qgogfna wanted to marry
me, and the chief was willin, but the witch
doctor prophesied a lot of calamities II the
marriage took place and scared the chief.
Now didn't want to marry Ugogina, but
could see that IL ] did would be saved
from bein ct. but thought would try to
save myself and get out of the marriage
also could have run off to sea any day,
but there warn't no boats. could see ships
sailin by quite often, but there warn't no
way TO git of to 'em.
~ decided to fix the witch doctor first.
] got Ugogina to wheedle the old feller
to give me my mejum sized cooker, the
small sized not bein large enough for my
purposes. Then got lot of African beans
and some hollow reeds and some sticky
clay. set the beans a-cookin and put the
reeds into little hole ! made In top Of the
cooker. invited the witch doctor in and
told him this was some of my new vapor-
ized atmospheric air and told him to put
You know, IL you have studied chemistry,
that beans are highly charged with gas
especially Is this true Of the genuwine
African bean.
"Well, sir, that old chap swallowed lot
Of Ras and quicker than wink Ugogina
and knocked him over and plastered his
nose and mouth up with clay, and I'm a
dummed liar II that gas didn't float that
old feller right up In the air clear out Of
sight You see he was remarkably capa-
eious, and the gas was remarkably strong
Of the people whep no was foatin In the
could set 'em all hoatin. They were scared;
wanted to elect me chief, but wasn't used
to high political honors and compromised
with alderman and president Of the school
board. Well, sir, Ugogina was dyin to
marry me at once, but STAYED her of fora