davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24
hing, and the door slammed, ana 4 !, rney rs

thing, and the door slammed, ana ;Jney
talked for two hours.
81 s'pose they finally layed it to me,
as they always do, cause Pa called me
very early this morning, and when i
came down stairs he came out in the
hall, and his face was redder'n a beet,
and he tried to stab me with his big toe
nail, and if 1t hadn't been for these
pieces of brick he would have hurt my
feelings. Isee they had my chum's Sis
ter's clothes all pinned up in newspar
per, and s'pose when l 60 back / shall
have to carry them home, and then she
will be down on me. I'll tell you what, !
have got good notion to take some shoe
makers wax and stick my chum on my
back and travel with circus as double
headed boy from Borneo. A fellow could
have more fun and not get kicked all
the time."
And the boy sampled some strawber-
ries in case in front of the store and
went down the street whistling for his
chum, who was looking out of an alley
to see If the coast was clear.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24

.liceman. / took PAS meerscham pipe
case and tied a little piece of Ice over the
end the stem goes in, and after Pa and
Ma was asleep we went in the room, and
I put the cold muzzle Of the ice revolver
to Pas temple, and when he woke up ]
told him If he moved q muscle or said
word would spatter the wall and the
counterpane with his brains. He closed
his eyes and began to pray. Then Istood
off and told him to hold up his hands
and tell me where the valuables was. he
held up his hands and sat up In bed and
sweat and trembled and told us the
change was in his left hand pants pock-
ct and that Mas money purse was in the
bureau drawer in the cuff box, and my
chum went and got them.
'tPa shook 30 the bed fairly squeaked,
and told him ! was good notion to
shoot few holes In him just for fun,
and he cried and said, please, Mr.. Bur-
glar, take all I have got, but spare poor
old mans life, who never did any harmr
Then told him to lay down on his stom-
ach and pull the clothes over his head
and stick his feet over the footboard, and
he did it, and took a shawl strap and
was strapping his feet together, and he
was scared, I tell you. It would have
been all right if Ma hadn't woke up. Pa
trembled so Ma woke up and thought he
had the ager, and my chum turned up
the light to see how much there was in
Mas purse, and Ma see me and asked me
what I was doing, and I told her I was a
burglar, robbing the house.
81 don't know whether Ma tumbled to
the racket or not, but she threw pillow
at me and said, Get out of here, or I'll
take you across my knee, and she got up,
and we run. She followed us to my room
and took Pas jointed fshpole and mauled
US both until don't want any more
burgling, and my chum says he will never
speak to me again. Ididn't think Ma had
so much sand. She is brave as lion,
and Pa Is a regular squaw. Pa sent for
me to come to his room this morning,
but amt we'll and am going out to Pc
waukee to camp out till the burglar scare
is over. II Pa comes around here talk
ing about war times and how he faced
the enemy on many well fought field,
You ask him If he ever threw any bur
glars down u banister. he is frod, Pa
is, but Ma would make good chief OF
police, and don't you let it escape you" "
And the boy took his canned ham and
lobster. and tuclring some crackers inside
the bosom of his blue flannel shirt start
ed for Pewnukee, while the grocer looked
at him as though he was hard citizen.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24
CHAPTER vi.
HE IS TOO HEALTHY.

"There, I knew you would get into
trouble" said the grocery man to the bad
boy as a policeman came along leading
him by the'ea the boy having an empty
champagne bottle in one hand and q
black eye. What has he been doing,
Mr.. Policeman asked the grocery man
as the policeman halted with the boy In
front Of the store.
"Well, was going by house up here
when. this kid opened the door with a
quart bottle Of champagne, and he cut
the wire and fred the cork at another
boy, and the champagne went all over
the sidewalk, and some of it went on
me, and / knew there was something
wrong, cause champagne is too expen-
sive to waste that way, and he said he
was running the shebang and II ! would
bring him here you would say he was all
right. If you say so. I will let him 20. .
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24
CHAPTER Y.
HIS PA Is A DARN COWARD.


81 suppose you think my Pa is brave
man." said the bad boy to the grocer as
he was trying new can opener on a tin
biscuit box in the grocery, while the gro
Ger was putting up some canned goods
for the boy, who said the goods were for
the folks to use at q picnic, but which
wore to be taken out camping by the boy
and his chum.
"Oh, Isuppose he is brave man, . said
the grocer as he charged the goods to the
boys father. "Your Pa is called q ma
jor, and you know at the time Of the re-
union he wore veteran badge and talked
to the boys about how they suffered dur
ing the war"
"sufered nothing" Z" remarked the boy
with sneer, ''unless they suffered from
the peach brandy and leather pies Pa sold
them. Pa was sutler-that's the kind
of veteran he was-aad heis acoward." !"
"What makes you think your Pa Is a
cowardY' asked the grocer as he saw the
boy slipping some sweet crackers into his
pistol pocket.
"Well, my chum and me tried him
last night, end he is 80 sick thismorning
that he can't get up. You see, since the
burglars got into Magie's Pa has been
telling what he would do if the burglars
got into our house. BE said he would
Jump out Of bed and knock one senseless
with his fist and throw the other over the
banister. told my chu1n Pa was cow
ard, and we fixed up like burglars, with
masks on, and had Pas long bunting
boots on, and we pulled caps down over
our eyes and looked fit to frighten a po-
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24

leave his sight forever, and I leave, too,
quick. You see, he is afraid / will get
hurt every Fourth Of July, and he told
me If I wouldn't fire a frecracker all
day he would let me get s4worth Of nice
fireworks, and he would fire them off for
me in the evening In the back yard. ]
promised, and he gave me the money,
and ] bought dandy lot Of fireworks,
and don't you forget it. / had a lot Of
rockets and roman candles, and six pin
wheels, and a lot Of nigger chasers, and
some Of these cannon frecrackers, and
torpedoes, and a box Of parlor matches
I took them home and put the package
in our big stuffed chair and put a news
paper over them.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24
.J,lst then The explosion took place"

.J.lst then The explosion took place"
aPa always takes a nap in that stuffed
chair after dinner, and he went into the
sitting room, and / heard him driving
our poodle dog out of the chair and
heard him ask the dog what he was
achieving, and just then the explosion
took place, and we all rushed in there.
I tell You Whist honestly think. Think
that dog was chewing that box Of parlor
matches-thiS kind that pop 30 when
you step on them. Pa was just going to
set down when the whole air was filled
with dog and Pa and rockets and every
thing. When I got In there, Pa had q
sofa pillow trying to put the dog out,
and In the meantime Pas linen pants
were afre. Igrabbed pail of this in
digo water that they had been rinsing
clothes with and throwed it on Pa, or
there wouldn't have been place on him
bigger'n sixpence that wasn't burnt,
and then he threw camp chair at me
and told me to go to Gehenna. Ma says
that's the new hell they have got up in
the revised edition of the Bible for bad
boys. When Pas pants were out, his
coattail blazed up, and roman candle
was firing blue and red balls at his legs,
and a rocket got into his white vest.
The scene beggared description, like the
Racine fire.
ga nigger chaser got after Ma and
treed her on top of the sofa, and another
one took after girl that Ma invited to
dinner and burnt one of her stockings
30 she had to wear one of Mas stockings,
q good deal too big for her, home. After
things got little quiet, and we opened
the doors and windows to let out the
smoke and the smell Of burnt dog hair
and PAS whiskers, the big frecrackers
began to go of, and policeman came to
the door and asked what was the matter,
and Pa told him to go along with me to
Gehenna, but don't want to go with a
policeman. Itwould give me dead away.
Well, there was. nobody hurt much but
the dog and Pa. Ifelt awful sorry for
the dog. He hasn't got hair enough to
cover hisssf. Pa didn't have much hair
anyway. except by the ears, but ne
thought q good deal Of his whiskers,
cause they wasn't very gray. Say,
couldn't you send this anarchy upto the
house? Il ] go up there, Pa will say I am
the damest fool on record This Is the
lsst Fourth Of July you catch me cele-
brating. am going to work In 8 glue
tsctory. where nobody VIII ever come to
eeme.n
And the boy went out to pick upsome
squib firecrackers that had failed to e1-
plode in front Of the drug store.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24
AMEKIeAH PREss Ass0elRTlon
.-~AenenA ESE...

It and got the old man to stand on 8
corner for two hours waiting for the
girl. After that scrape the old man told
the boy that he had no objection to inno-
cent Jokes, such as would not bring re-
proach upon him. and as long as the boy
confined himself to jokes that would
simply cause pleasant laughter and not
cause the finger of scorn to be pointed
at a parent he would be the last one to
lick. So the boy has been for three
weeks trying to think Of some innocent
joke to play on his father.
The old man is getting little near
sighted, and his teeth are not as good as
they used to be, but the old man will not
admit it. Nothing that anybody can say
can make him own up that his eyesight
is falling or that his teeth are poor, and
he would bet $1OO that he could see as
far as ever. The boy knew the failing
and made up his mind to demonstrate to
the old man that he was rapidly getting
off his base. The old person is very fond
of macaroni and eats it about three times
q week. The other. day the boy was ina
drug store and noticed ina ahowcaseea 2
lot Of small rubber hose about the size
Of sticks Of macaroni, such as Is used on
nursing bottlesand other rubber utensils:
It was white and nice, and the boy's mind
was made up at once. He bought yard
Of it and took it home. When the maca-
roni was cooked and ready to be served,
he hired the table girl to help him play
It on the old man. They took pair of
shears and cut the rubber hose in pieces
about the same length as the pieces of
boiled macaroni and put them in saucer
with little macaroni over the rubber
pipes and placed the dish at the old mans
plate.
Well, we suppose if 10000 people could
have had reserve seats and seen the old
man struggle with the india rubber mac
aroni and have seen the boys struggle to
keep from laughing they would have had
moro fun than they would. at a circus.
First the old delegate attempted to cut
the macaroni into small pieces, and fail
ing he remarked that it was not cooked
enough. The boy said his macaroni was
cooked too tender, and that his fathers
teeth were SO poor that he would have to
eat soup entirely pretty soon. The old
man said, "Never you mind my teeth,
young man" and decided that he would
not complain of anything again. He took
up q couple of pieces: Of rubber and one.
piece Of macaroni on fork and put them:
in his mouth. The macaroni dissolved
easy enough and went down perfectly
easy, but the fat macaroni was too much
for him.
he chewed on it for minute or two
and talked about the weather in order
that none Of the family should see that
he was in trouble. and when he found
that the macaroni would not 60 down
he called their attention to something
out Of the window and took the rub
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24
CHAPTER 1.
TIE BOY WITH A LANE RACK.

\
a young fellow who Is pretty smart on
general principles and who is always In
good humor went into store the other
morning Emping and seemed to be broke
up generally. The proprietor asked him
If he wouldn't SIT down. and he said he
couldn't very well, as his back was lame.
He seemed discouraged, and the proprie-
tor asked him what was the matter.
"Well, !" said he as he put his hand on
his pistol pocket and groaned, athere Is
no encouragement for 8 boy to have any
fun nowadays. ia boy tries to play an
innocent joke, he gets kicked all overthe
house" The storekeeper asked him what
had happened to disturb his hilarity.
He said he had played joke on his far
ther and had been limping ever since.
"You see, thought the old man was
q little spry. You know he is no spring
chicken yourself, and though his eyes
are not what they used to be yet he can
see pretty girl further than can. The
other day wrote note in fine hand
and addressed it to him, asking him to
meet me on the corner of Wisconsin and
Milwaukee streets at 7:90 on Saturday
evenir.. and signed the name Of Daisy
to it. At supper time Pa he was all
.hayed up and had his hair plastered
over the bald spot, and he got on some
clean cuffs and said he was going to the
oonsistory to initiate some candidates
from the country, and he might not be
In till late. He didn't eat much supper
and hurried off with my umbrella. l
winked at Ma, but didn't say anything.
at 7:3O went down town, and he was
standing there by the postof1ce corner
in q dark place. Iwent by him and said.
Hello, Pa, what are you doing therey
he said he was waiting for man. l
went down street, and pretty soon !
went up on the other corner by Chap
mans, and he was standing there. You
see, he didn't know what corner Daisy
was going to be on and had to cover all
fo,,. oor,o a,.a
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24
CHAPTER ".

TIE BAD BOYS MA CONES HOME.
"When Is your Ma coming back? asked
the grocery man Of the bad boy as he
found him standing on the sidewalk
when the grocery was opened in the
morning, taking some pieces Of brick out
Of his coattail pockets.
"oh, she got back at midnight last
night" said the boy as he eat afew blue
berries out Of case. "That's what
makes me up so early. Pa has been kick
ing at these pieces Of brick with his bare
feet, and when I came away he had his
toes In his hand and was trying to go
back up stairs on one foot. Pahaint got
no sense.n
II am afraid you are terror" said
the grocery man as he looked at the ip-
nocent face Of the boy. "You are al
ways making your parents some trouble,
and It Is a wonder to me they don't send
you to some reform school. What dew
iltry were you up to last night to get
kicked this morning.
mo devilty, Just q little fun. You
see, Ms went to Chicago to stay q week,
and she got tired and telegraphed she
would be home last night, and Pa was
down town, and forgot to give him the
dispatch, and after he went to bed me
and q chum Of mine thought we would
have Fourth OF July.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24

'.
ber slyly from his mouth and laid it
under the edge ofThis plate, he was
morethan half convinced that bis teeth
were played out. but went on eating
something else for awhile, and finally he
thought he would just chance the maca-
roni once more for luck, and he moved
away another forkful IN bis mouth. It
was the same old story. BE chewed Like
a seminary girl chewing gum, and his
eyes stuck out, and his face became red,
and his wife looked at him as though
afraid he was going to die Of apopley,
and finally the servant girl burst out
laughing and went out Of the room With
her apron stuffed In her mouth, and the
boy felt as though It was unhealthy to
tarry too long ct the table, and he went
out.
Left alone with hiswite the old man
took the rubber rnacsroni from his mouth
and laid 1t on his plate, and he and bis
wife held an inquest over 1t. The wife
tried to spear It with a fork, but couldn't
make any impression on It, and then ahe
saw It was rubber hose and told the old
man. BE was mad and glad at the same
time-glad because he had found that his
teeth were not to blame and mad be-
cause the grocer had sold him boarding
house macaroni. Then the girl came In
and was put on the confessional and told
all, and presently there was a sound OF
revelry by night In the wood shed, and
the still, small voice was saying: "Oh,
Pa, don't. You said you didn't care for
innocent jokes. Ohr'
And then the old man between the
strokes Of the piece Of clspboard would
say: "Feed your father hose cart next,
won't yer Be firing car springs and
clothes w--ingers down me next, eh? Put
some gravy on rubber overcoat proba-
bly, and serve 1t to me for salad. Try a
piece of overshoe with a bone "a 1t for
my beefsteak likely. Giveyou poor old
father slice Of rubber bib in place Of
tripe tomorrow, Ie1pect. Boil mea rub
Der water bag for apple dumplings pref
ty soon If / don't look out. Therel You
go and split the hndling wood" Twas
ever thus. A boy can't have any fun
nowadays.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24
CHAPTER II.
THE BAD BOY AT WORK AGAIN.

THE BAD BOY AT WORK AGAIN.
OF course all boysare not full Of tricks,
but the best Of them are. That is, those
who are the readiest to play innocent
foxes and who are continually looking
for chances to make Rome howl are the
most apt to turn out to be first class bust
ness men. There is o boy in the Seventh
ward who is SO full of fun that some
times it makes him ache. He is the same
hov who not lons since wrote Q note 70
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1893-08-24

"He tried to stab me Nth hts big toe NAIL"
"HYou see, my chum has got sister
about as big as Ma, and we hooked some
Of her clothes, and after Pa got to snor-
ing we. put them In Pas room. Oh,
you'd a. LATED. We put pair Of No. !
slippers with blue stockings down in
front Of the rocking chair beside Pas
boots, and q red corset on chair, and
my chum's sisters best black silk dress
on another chair, and hat with white
feather on on the bureau, apd some
frizzes on the gas bracket, and every
thing we could find that belonged to q
girl in my chum's SISTERS room. Oh, we
got red parasol. too, and lett 1t rightin
the middle Of the floor.
"Well, when ! looked az the layout
and heard Pa snoring,1 T thought should
die. You see, Ma knows Pa is darn
good feller, but she Is easily excited.
My chum slept with me that night, and
when we heard the doorhell ring ! stuffed
pillow In my mouth. There was no
body to meet Ma at the depot, and she
hired hack and came right up. No
body heard the bell but. me, and I had to
go down and let Ma In. She was pretty
hot. now, you bet, at not being met at the
depot.
"'Where's your fatherY said Hhe aa
she began to 60 up stairs.
~ told her guessed Pa had gone to
sleep by this time, but I heard good
deal Of noise In the room about an hour
ago, and maybe he was taking a bath.
Then / slipped up stairs and looked over
the banisters. Ma said something about
heavens and earth, and where is the hus-
sy. and 8 lot Of things I couldn't hear,
and Pa said damfno, and it,s no such
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1893-05-11

Autonomy for Ireland without A6eolueD
independents He ssys h . Dream.
LONDON, May 1.-THE Pal NdH Gdseeb
publishes an interview with the venerable Hum
garian patriot. Louis Kossuth, in regard 10
Irish home rule. In the interview Kossuth sid
that he wrote a memorandum years aeo -
garding Mr.. Glsdstone's first home rule
scheme. The memorandum, Kossuth ssiA
would be found: among his papers after hi6
death, but he declined TO disclose at prcssae
what the memorandum contains.
"As TO Mr.. Gladstones second scheme for
Irish home rule. /" Kossuth continued, II know
very little about it or the real principles under
lying ii. believe, however, that Mr.. Glad
stone will never arrive at his goal The
Irish question presents the same obstacles
as squsring a circle. Ii is perfect Utopis-
this wish of Mr.. Gladstone 10 establish the su-
tonomy of Ireland without granting 70 that coun-
try absolute Independence, and should not b
astoaished If ireland should one day throw her
self into the arms of the United States in order
TO gain what she wants. Distances between
countries do not count today as they counted
in the past.
1T has been said that the situation Of ireland
is comparable to that of Hungary. and some
eminent Englishmen have asked nv opinion in
regard TO that assertion. Ny answer is that 10
is false. The Austrians never conquered Hum
gary as the English conquered Ireland
Hungary merely made pact with the house of
Hapsburg for the sake of Deighbo-ly associa-
ton Ireland. on the contrary, was conquered
by force of arms and can only be delivered BY
force of arms"
Kossuth. who is ninety-one years old, looks
feeble and wasted. and is sometimes convused
by fits of coughing. But there is still the old
fire IN his ewes which fash while he il talking
He still spends some of his time every day
writing in behalf of Hungary.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1893-05-11
Secretary Smith Objects.

Secretary Hoke Smith has received a COM
munication from the Secretary of War trans
mitting the recommendation of Gen. Schofield
in which he concurs, that Fort Duchesle, Utah
territory, be abandoned in order that the troops
stationed there may be withdrawn and with
those at other remote stations concentrated al
the new posts constructed for them. In his re-
ply the Secretary strongly objects to the pro-
posed abandonment and says that questions OF
Importance are pending in his department con-
corning these Indians which would seem to
favor the continuance rather than the abandon
meut Of Fort Duchesne a military post. al
least for the present These interests, be saws
might be seriously jeopardized by Withdrawing
the garrison at Fort Duchesne.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1893-05-11
VALUABLE LAND CLAIMED.
Property Near Homestead said to BeBsug
to Charles Johan-sen's heir.

to Charles yohanesen's Heir.
PITrsBURG. Pa, May ia claim 10 1o5
acres of land near Homestead will soon bs
tested in the county courts- Psrt
of the property claimed is that upon
which the works Of the Carnegie Steel Com.
pany are erected and the remainder includes
large part OF the town Of Homestead. Two
ing about them evidences Of wealth and
refinement, created sensation in the
county recorders Office today by demand
meut of an administrator of the estate Of Chss.
Johaensen. who came from Sweden in 1850.
They claimed that he secured a deed from the
government for the land in question. In 1s4o
Johsensen went west and died. having never
disposed of the property. The ladies were
very particular not TO disclose their names.
They are from Sioux City. but have juse
arrived from Washington, ID. c., where they
say they secured much evidence. The ladies
say there are forty heirs in the west. They say
that for twenty wears they have been greatly
annoyed by persons anxious TO purchase their
claim.
Said one OF the ladies: "All kinds Of schemes,
traps and crimes have been resorted 10 and
poison used to get rid of some Of the heirs.
My own father was murdered BY eating pois-
oned fruit. and one other heir died very
suddenly believed also to have been poisoned
We have a complete family history and are
carefully preparing our way.
At the Office of the Carnegie Steel Company
no claim IN the name of Johanesen had been
heard of. The company has no fears Of any
successful claim being made.