Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-09-02

| by Eminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget Of Fun.
Sprinkles Of Spice.
1T isn't every one who can make a
game man quail.-Buffalo Courier.
A CITIZEN of Colorado can force the
yield OF silver If he has a mine to-
Picayune.
AFTER all, the difference between
a ue-hearted girl and a flirt is only
trifling. Troy News.
THE way out of it for Australia is
to set her pugilists to killing rabbits.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
WEREN'T you surprised when he
proposed ?" mo. Why should be?"
Everybody else was. Life.
A DEAF man cannot be legally cen
victed. 1t is unlawful to convict a
man without hearing. -Siftings.
In well-regulated family the
olive branch Of peace is sometimes a
stout hickory sprout. News.
ALTHOUGH rheumatism must be
very undesirable, many people seem
bent on having it.-Lowell Courier.
JAasoN says the only way to make
home attractive to our boys is to rent
1T to some other family.-Elmira Ga
zette.
"DO YOU believe in a personal
devil?" II believe in everybody until
have been deceived. Boston Tran
| script.
"DID Bilkem leave anything when
he died?" "Yes; his creditors. They're
the worst left lot you ever saw
Buffalo Courier.
BLoUNT looked into the crater. but
the press dispatches don't mention
whether he took drop of it or not.
Florida Times.
SOME men are so indOlent that they
wouldn't even take their ease IL they
bad to 60 out Of the way to get it,
Yonkers Stateman.
IT is the circus clown who realizes
In the most practical manner what it
is to have large circle of admirers
Washington Star.
WHILE it is true that the poor man
Is compelled to hump himself to own
a bicycle, it isn't the price alone that
does it.-Buffalo Courier.
SWEARING may give relief to over
worked feelings, but it doesn't bring
hack the excursion boat the swearer
has missed.-Chester News.
The fool seeketh to pluck the fly
from the mules hind leg, but the
wise man letteth the Job to the low.
est bidder.-Memphis Appeal.
TIE only suspicion of crookedness
in heaven came about when an as
tronomer discovered that some of the
stars had been fixed. -Picayune.
"DoEs Jaggs seemed changed any
since his stay at the gold cure?"
"Yes, he's able to drink any kind of
stuff he can get now"-lnter Ocean.
THE young lady to whom 1 became
engaged at the ball last night is
hereby requested to send her name
and address to the Office of this paper.
Ill Secols.
WHEN man reaches the age at
which he is ready to settle down and
stop giving his wife trouble, his sons
have reached the age to begin.
Gibson Globe.
"YoU'vE bought a bicycle, ehp
Well. that beats riding in a street
car, doesn't it?" ooh, ! don't know.
AS it is, old fellow, l frequently have
to give up my seat. Truth.
AT the theater: Mamma, doesn't
papa like music?" Eyes, my child;
why do you ask?" "He always goes
out between the acts when the band
plays. "-Philadelphia Record.
SLOW DO you like your new lady
help, Mrs Todgers?" 81 should like
her good deal more, Mrs. Dodgers,
ii she was a little less the lady and a
little more of help. "-Tid-Bits.
REALLY, sir, I'll pay you in time"
said the young man. "Excuse me-"
replied the impatient creditor, IF
It's all the same I'd rather you'd pay
me in money. Washington Star.
No-SHIRT is the name Of the chief
of the Umatilla tribe. When he
visits the Midway Plaisance he will |
find some OF his old friends in the
Dahomey village. Tribune.
But one thing may be said of
purely personal and private fights;
they have this distinct advantage
over the professional article-they
are never. faxed. Stand
ard.
HARD LABOR. DUSTY Dolliver-
"D'yer find it hard work ter git any
grub hereabouts?" Ragged Robert
yes; awful hard. Most of the /
houses sets away back from the
fence. Puck.
THE short story seems to be quite
the fad nowadays" said one club man |
to another. Il should say so. 1t seems
to me that nearly every man I meet
stops to tell me how short he is, -