News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1893-05-25

COI SCO W iIlC ttuD lObSCl, 81 Slle SO
out some tape stuff and begun again
LET me sell you some hose-sup
porters, then"
"Hoes-supporters!" says |. "My
land! what won't they get up next
Why, John always keeps his hoes
hung up in the shed-chamber through
the winter, till plantin time; anC
then he supports them himself-ex
cept when the neighbors come up an
lean over the fence to talk politics
| don't think he'd think necessary tC
buy any hoes-supporters." ;"
The woman laughed, an said in 6
gOod-natured way that she guessed
we couldn't trade much, an she'c
better go. l didn't dispute her, an
soon | was alone once more, with my
sassages an candles. / kind o
wished afterwards, I'd asked her how
they hitched them hoes-supporters tC
The hoes, an how they worked.
The fire had got down, an hadn't
more'n got it fixed up an another
dozen candles run, when there was
another knock on the side-door.
This time it was a little lean fellow
carryin Il mop-stick. He begun with.
out any preliminaries, so to speak:
"Here, madam, you see an entirely
new style of mop. 1t has several adj
vantages over the mop of long ago,
one of which is that it screws the
rags, or whatever material your mop
is to be composed of, into The frame
itself. Then, by turning this small
crank, you can ring out your mop
without putting your hands in the
water. Isn't that q triumph of me-
chanical skill in the line of mops,
madam" An he fourished his
mop-stick in the air as singin mas
ter does his baton.
"When you will bring me a mop"
says ] THAT will git the water on a
stove, heat it, take it off again, an
mop up the floor nice an clean, I'll
buy one. Until then, shall stick to
my old mop. You might as well go
right on, as | shan't belikely to trade
any to day."
But this mop, madam! You will
regret tiff you neglect this opportuni-
ty to purchase what | may style the
great ultimatum of mop. Why, just
look at this mop-stick, madam !"
"l'll look at this broom-stick, an
to some purpose, too" says /, "If
you don't take yourself off. I'll de-
fend myself from corset-peddlers an
walkin' mop-sticks, or I'll know the
reason why. | declare, here it is most
noon, and my sassages hardly be-
gun"
He looked scat, an sayin' he'd
better go, he took himself off. He
hadn't got out o the yard, though,
before | saw a tall old gentleman
with large square case in his hand,
comm in at the gate. He walked
round to the back-door, and rightin-
to the kitchen.
"DOn't let me disturb you, ma'am,
at ALL" he began. 81 merely wish to
call your attention to this paper, for
which am getting subscribers. Its
doubtless the most entertaining and
instructive paper published in the
United States to-day; and besides
that, see these magnificent chrOmOs
Six of them when you subscribe, and
four steel plates like this every month
afterward. Isn't that a magnificent
offer? Why, this picture alone is
worth more than the price of the pa
per-which is only fifty cents a year.
There, isn't that a magnificent like
ness, madam"
"Who Off" inquired in cool tones
as he held up very high-colored pic
ture of man.
"Whol" he fairly yelled. SIS it
possible that 1 behold a woman who
does not know the face of our lament
ed Garfield? Why, lots of folks have
this same picture richly framed and
hung in their elegant parlOrs, and it
is mistaken for an oil portrait. And
you do net know that face?"
"Not that one," l answered. '1've
seen good pictures of Mr.. Garfield,
and have one | set consida BILE by,
myself. But, good land!" says |,
warmin, up to the subject, "didn't
this country suffer enough in all his
long sickness an death, in the nigh
ty strain of agony an suspense after
ward, in the sickenin' trial of Guiteau,
an since them times, without havin'
them horrid caricatures scattered
broadcast through the land sence?
amt never seen but a few oil-paint-
ms, but | pity anybody that amt
got brains enough to tell that daub
from one. Why, | could paint bet
ter one with house-paints an lard-oil.
I've been in the art-gallery down to
st. Johnsbury, an I've seen enough
there, an | don't banker after news
paper chromos very much. An when
| see a fifty-cent newspaper givin'
away three or four dollars worth of
paintin's every week, l think there's
a fraud somewhere, either among the
publishers or theagents that canvass
for 'em."
But lust as | said the last words,
the door slammed. I'd been standin'
at my work with my back to him;
an when l looked out of the window,
he was goin' down the road as if he
was after the doctor.
But this wasn't all. After dinner,
iu It as I'd got my dishes washed an
pat away, an was gettin' my candle
moulds round again, heard another
knock.
My fat was gettin' too hotagain, so
| took it of the stove an set it on q
chair to cool. Then l wiped my
hands an opened the door for as
spruce a young feller as ever was in
the town of Pottsville, Vermont. He
wore the tightest pants | ever see or
man yet, and he was perfumed
up with musk awful strong. He
skipped into the kitchen in a genteel
way, sayin':
"My good woman, don't let me in
terrupt you a single moment in youI
customary vocations. / have here &
book on Social Etiquett, which shows
one how to behave under all circum
stances, from the most ordinary
everyday life, up to the most trying
eXacting and wearing social position
you may ever be called on to fill
You may think this of little conse
quence at the present moment; bu
suppose your husband should be sud
denly elected to Congress, and yol
be required to consort with the frs
lady of the land. But | will not talk
[ will read you a few extracts, if yo'
will excuse me"
An before | could say IL word, O
knew what he was doing, down h
sat square into that pan of tallow.
l jumped towards him, but before
could get there, he'd give one loni
scream and rushed out OF the house
drippin' tallow all over the floor an
across my new settin'-room rag-caI