Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-07-31
Now try This.

Now try This.
Now TRY-It will cost you nothing and will
surely do you good, if you have Cough
| Cold, or any trouble with Throat, CHEST or
Lungs DIR. Kings New Discovery for Con-
sumption, Coughs and Colds is guaranteed to
! give relief, or money will be paid back. Stuff
erers from La Grippe found it just the thing
| and under it's use had speedy and pertect
| recovery. Try sample bottle at our expense
and learn for yourself just how good a thing
it is. Trial bottles free at FL. c. Pierce's Drug
Store. Large size SOC. and $1.0o. .
Never strike man when he is
down, my son, said Lord Chesterfield
He may get up again.
Did Bifkins leave anything when he
died? Yes; his creditors. They're the
worst left lot you ever saw.
Mrs. X.-My dear, want you to OBJ
serve this beautiful statue of Apollo.
That one is his wife, Apollinaris.
Mrs Snipp-Young man, will this
ticket take me to Chicago? Ticket
Agent No, ma'am; but that train
outside will.
1 have had catarrh for twenty years, and
used all kinds of remedies without relief. Mr..
Smith, druggist, of Little Falls, recommend
ed E1y's Cream Balm. The effect of the first
application was magical, it a1layed the IN
fammation, and the next morning my head
was as clear bell am convinced its use
will effect permanent cure. 1t is soothing
and pleasant, and I st1 ongly urge its use by
all sufferers.-Geo. Terry, Little Falls, N. Y.
A would be facetious correspondent
inquiries: "What relation is vinegar to
it's mother?" just the same, Horatio,
that champagne cork is to its pop.
Edythe (playfully) dare you
steal a kiss from me, sir? Don't you
know it is petty larceny? Jack Cen
thusiastically)-I call it grand larce-
ny.
If you won't hear you'll feel. That's
what Scotch preacher in the olden
times said to a sleeping parishioner,
as he flung the Bible at him from the
pulpit.
Every time the moon nears it's full,
insanity, quarrels, thievery and vio-
lence are most active, that is not SUI
perstition but facts supported by OBJ
servatiOn.
In Denmark it is the law that all
drunken persons shall be taken to
their homes in carriages provided at
the expense of the publican who sold
them the last glass.
Strange, isn't it, that evil doors i'm
agine all sorts of impossibilities? The
gent who wrote the ''guilty con-
science'' adage was certainly an OBJ
server of human nature.
A newspaper has the following:
"The pocketbook containing yeast
cake and some pennies, which was
dropped upon Main street this morn
lug, lies upon our desk. Please call
for it before the yeast cake spoils."
ssWhat kind O. fireworks are those?"
asked Aunty Maddergsas Of her city
nephew. "Those are Roman candles,
Aunty" care they? Well, Pm glad I
don't live in Rome. I'd hate worst
kind to have to sew by them things"
"Those foreigners are too horrid for
anything!" she exclaimed. what
have they been doing?" "Why, that
officer I was speaking to asked me if
1 could speak French" stAnd do your"
eWhy, of course I do. Hadd't I been
speaking French to him for half an
hour?"
Irate Parent-It's over an hour since
I sent you to the store to get those
things, and now you come back with
out them! Small Boy-It was such a
long time before my turn came to be
waited on that | forgot what you
wanted. Irate Parent Why didn't
you come home to find out? Small
Boy raid I'd lose my turn
A schoolmaster in a board school
was endeavoring to make clear to his
young pupils minds the meaning of
the word "slowly.' He walked across
the room in the manner the word in
dicates 'sNow, children, tell me how
I walked.' One little fellow, who sat
near the front of the room, almost |
paralyzed him by hurting out, Glow
legged"