The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1893-03-31
AN UNCLEAN PEOPLE.
THE GREAT MASS OF HUMANITY
LACKS CLEANLINESS.


Several Useful and Beneficial Ways In
Which One Writer Would Spend 81 .00O,-
900, Providing She Had Theu.-Csreless-
ness of Nice Folks.
There is no immediate danger of my
filling a millionaire's grave, and yet
stranger things have happened. Either
you or | may fall heir to a colossal for
tune. | don't lose sleep over the pros
pect myself, o need you, my dear, but
in this world of ups and downs who can
tell what a day may bring forth?
Shall l tell you a few of the things l
propose to do with my possible millions?
In the first place, l shall build bath
houses and stock them with soap, per-
fumes and towels for humanity at large.
Next to saving the soul comes the care
OF the body, and most people are fully
as needless of the one as the other. In
deed to my of thinking a sapcti-
fed soul in an unwholesome body would
be hardly worth the keeping.
| declare unto you, and if l do not
speak the truth come forth and dispute
me, we who can, that the masses of man
kind know less about cleanliness than
animals do. Watch the old cat sitting
in the sun or by the corner of the kitchen
fire washing her face and cleaning her
paws. She enters into the thing with a
complete understanding that cleanliness
makes her a nor welcome fireside com
panion, as well as a healthier cat and q
more self respecting member of society.
A bird delights in its morning bath more
os%tentatiously than in its breakfast. |
have seen horses at the seashore who rev.
eled in a dip" far more than any human
ever did. A dog will not enter your pres
enc if there is any soil upon his person
which his own limited ingenuity can re-
move, and the most beatifc experience
of a pampered poodle is its perfumed
bath and careful shampoo.
Now, take the case of humans. There
is not a day of my life that business
dealings do not force me into companion
ship with people who are both unwhole-
some and repulsive by reason of lack of
personal cleanliness. I ride with them.
| walk by their side, l sit next them.
They dress well, their clothes are of ex-
pensive material and carefully made,
but they bear about with them an aroma
of stale cuticle and closed pores. From
weeks end to weeks end these men and
women do no more than dip their hands
in a little water and rub off their faces
with inadequate wash cloths. If the
natural smoke of Chicago settles upon
such portions of their anatomy as are
exposed, they dab it off with hard water
and cheap soap, or they counterfeit it
with filthy powder rags. They go for
weeks at a time without a change of I'M
derwear to save laundry bills, and they
sleep in the same flannels that they wear
by day.
A good, thorough bath is as unknown
to them as Gods grace to a lost soul, and
for my part l would rather encounter a
thug with club. You can dodge a club,
but you can't escape an odor. Ride for
horse or steam; could anything be worse,
without it was a stock transit? And yet
all these unwashed and ~unwholesome
people pride themselves, and often most
justly, Of being good citizens, well edu-
Gated and ~circumspect. They would re-
sent the idea of being classed outside the
circle of gentlemen and ladies'" They
never sneeze in your presence without
begging pardon, o commit any breach
Of the proprieties without the keenest
anguish Of remorse for the misdeed.
Their crime against society, then, is not
an active one. It is merely the result of
a neglected education. Their parents
believed in making them obedient, no
doubt, and polite and well behaved.
They had them taught to dance and play
the piano and speak French, but they
forgot to teach them cleanliness.
The poor and uncared for we expect to
take as we find them, and by means of
prayer, faith and good works raise them
to higher levels. But what shall be done
for the folks who ought to know enough
of the laws Of hygiene and beauty to
keep clean, but who in fact know as lit
tie as the totally ignorant and the very
poor? When I get my millions, then l
shall erect 1000 lighthouses right here in
Chicago, and l shall legislate laws that
shall make cleanliness compulsory.
Women shall find it more profitable to
go to the bathhouse than to the club, and
men shall find more attraction in the
physical laundry than in the saloon.
There shall be no possible entree for the
careless keeper of the beautiful body into
either saloon, street car or public assem-
blage of any sort. He shall be Stunned
like a leper, and when his case is pro-
nounced hopeless there shall be a mod
ern Molakai fitted up for his h~abitation,
that he may trouble the olfactories of the
SONS and daughters of earth no more for
ever.
Another thing hat l shall do with my
money will be to prosecute cruel team
sters by means of its powerful potency.
The policeman who stands at the corner
of Lake street and Fifth avenue tells me
that since occupying that post he has lost
the little faith he ever had in mans
boosted humanity.
Another thingI will do with my money
will be to provide for the patient, I'M
complaining poor.