Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-02-09
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day.
a Sprinkling of Spice.

dealer.
A MUssULMAN is not as matter Of
course a vender Of oysters. Lowell
Courier.
JAGsoN says that our boon compan-
ions can be relied upon because they
are our fast friends. -Elmira Gazette.
A RICH ST. Louis girl is about to
marry an Indian. In fact, fortune
seems to favor the brave. onkers
Statesman.
A MAN who has lost collars in a
laundry refers to the institution as u
big iron and steal syndicate. Wash
ington Star
A ToPER's promises are deemed I'M
reliable, Notwithstanding the fact
that he is conceded to be full-tiller.
Boston Courier.
II ALWAYS found Hamlet easy"
said the old tragedian, but | had to
hump myself to do justice to Richard
the Third. Puck.
He (anXiously)-"You are not your
own dear self tonight, sweetheart"
She passively)-"No, darling-I am
yours. Funny Folks.
ONE could stand some men going
off in a flight Of eloquence" il it
would only take them out Of hearing.
Cleveland Plaindealer.
"THE air seems fresher in winter
than it does in summer" yes, it's
kept on ice most Of the time, you
know. Washington Star.
A SECOND STREET dry goods dealer
adyertses the strange fact that his
stock of handkcrchicfs is not to be
sneezed at. Philadelphia Record.
"rLL be awful glad when paw swears
on smokin' again." said Tommy.
"This is the fourth lickin' l've got in
three days. -Indianapolis Journal"
WHAT makes the bicycle popular
with many, rich or poor, is that after
trying to ride on one they feel they
are better off.-Philadelphia Times.
"OH, George. you careless creature;
here's another rent in your overcoat."
ooh, darn the rent! I'll wear my
other coat this evening. "-Philadel-
phia Record.
SPARK - Why do trolleymcn on
electric cars wear rubber gloves?
Flash-Bccause they are not con-
ductors. The Clothiers and Haber-
dashers' Weekly.
Miss De VERE-I can trace my an
cestors back to the Reformation.
Juggins - That's nothing. | can
trace back to ancestors beyond ref
ormation. Taps.
A CHICAGO woman was chloro-
formed and robbed at Fort Scott the
other night. Kansas always endeav-
ors to make her visitors feel at home.
kansas City Journal.
Mr.. RAPpID-"A woman has to live
a year in Chicago before she can get
a divorce" Mrs. De Smith-"Y Yes,
it comes high, but it's worth it,
Smith, Gray & Co. S Monthly.
WHAT becomes of the messenger
boys? is the question going the
rounds. Some Of them grow up to
be preachers, and arc noted for their
slow delivery. Journal.
MORRISON EssEx-I'm going to let
girls. Franklin Furniss-Arc you
going to tell her? Morrison Essex-
No, I'm going to tell my wife. Puck.
MISS PLANE think | would have
made a successful politician. Inever
forget a face. Miss Bute-W Wouldn't
you be happier, dear, if you could
forget your own?-Indianap Jour
nal.
Gle had come for her in a buggy
and she objects TO the turnout -"You
are very particular: you put on more
airs than a music boxm She-"Well,
| don't go With crank, anyway
Quips
LAWYER tokicking CLIENT Well,
have you at last decided to take my
advice and pay this bill of minc?"
Client - Yes" Lawyer - "Very
well: (to clerk John, add IS to Mr..
Smiths bill for further advice. -
Puck.
YOUNG Mr.. Perkins Ito little Dolly,
who has just been shown off before
company)-"Well. don't you think
I'm nice, Dolly?" Dolly Ito her
mother)-"Is this where I tell the
truth or where | act polite:"
cage News Record.
A DUBLIN newspaper has an adver-
tisement possibly more truthful than
intended: Wanted a gentleman to
undertake the sale Of patent medi-
cine. The advertiser guarantees that
it will be profitable to the under
taker. Medical Times.
allow IS my wagon getting along?"
asked the butcher. you've had it
six weeks. "All ready but the wheels.
They're not tired yet," returned the
wagon maker. wen, they ought to-
be, they've been waiting SO long,
said the butcher Harper's Bazaar.