The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1893-05-19
The World Is Full OF Wrecked Loves and
Friendships Caused by This Third Party.
Says Ella Wheeler wilcox-AIways In
the Way and Never Happy.
copyright, 1893, by American Press Associa.
ton. All rights reserved.l

the third person.
The world is full of wrecked loves and
friendships caused by this third party.
Not through designing malice, but
through tactless laundering or stubborn
unelasticity, is the disaster brought
about in nine cases out of ten.
The people who have successfully
played the role in life's drama are ex-
ceedingly rare.
A greater array Of unusual qualities
are required for this position than al
most any other calling in life demands.
Innumerable illustrations of the
strength and durability of friendship be-
tween two women have come under my
observation, but have found women
especially unfortunate in their efforts to
form trios of friendship.
Men, naturally less exacting in their
relations with one another and more
frank and outspoken in their methods,
render such comradeships possible now
and then.
But the qualities which make the wom-
an friend seem inadequate to meet the
edgencies Of the third party's position.
have seen woman insist upon leav-
ing her comfortable home to act as nurse
. or domestic for q friend who was in
u trouble quite against that friends desire.
y She performed her tasks with delight
Nnd seemed disturbed by any expression
Of thanks
Yet when the same friend introduced
lifelong, valued acquaintance into the
household the heretofore devoted and
self sacrificing woman refused to make
herself agreeable or useful.
The woman who loves to talk and the
woman who loves to listen find each 9th
er's society enjoyable year after year.
Let the talkative woman's friend ap-
pear upon the scene, however, and we
find the unusually good listener distract
in manner and bored in expression. Or
1T the listener introduce her friend and
the talkative woman becomes straight
way dull and silent
The ingenuity of woman in devising
ways in which to be the disagreeable
third party is infinite.
The woman Of the softest nature and
the sweetest disposition, whom you have
found unvarying in her amiability, will
suddenly develop the quilts of q porcu-
pine at the introduction of friend
whom you have long desired her to
meet. You have described her as the
essence Of amiability, and she reveals
herself a monument Of aggressiveness or
frigidity.
Again, the friend who has ever been
the incarnation Of cheerfulness and good
sense and whose quick responsive ma
ture has been your delight develops an
obtrusive humility when she is called
upon to play the third party. She makes
herself conspicuous by her absence from
~ accustomed places, shuts herself in her
a room and obliges You to send for her,
and in reply to your questioning says:
"Oh, felt | would be in the way. You
did not need me. would be de trop, u
rendering you and your friend mex
pressibly uncomfortable.
The woman who has always seemed to
view the world through rose colored
spectacles and whose mantle of charity
has been large enough to cover the sins
of a multitude will become the severest
and most relentless of critics when she
attempts to be the third person. She
will call your attention to flaws in the
appearance and manners of your friends
which you had never previously OBJ
served, and she will unearth hidden
faults of character or disposition never
before noticed by you.
Sometimes she does this openly ant
with no attempt at concealing her critic
al spirit.
Again she will sugar coat her remarks
leaving the impression at first that sh'
has complimented your friend, until
later analysis of her words undeceive
you.
What very pretty smile your CUES
hasw she will say. "Inever saw a WON
an with such ugly teeth whose smile wa
so agreeable" Or: "What a very fine ap
pearance she makes for such slovenl.
personl After all, think such peopl
get along quite as well and receive a
much admiration as those who take NOR
pride in being neat and orderly"
OF course you are never able to thin
of your friend again save as slovenly AM
: the possessor of ugly teeth-two point
n which had previously escaped your OF
servation.
Then there is the woman you have al
ways found ready to anticipate you
slightest wish and thought when alon
with her, who becomes curiously obtus
in the role of third party.
She never thinks to leave you alon
with the newcomer now and then, VIII
may have sorrows or joys to confide
you alone, and you dare not suggest thi
to her lest she imagine you mean to tai
about her or that you are shutting he
from your confidence.
"You have no idea of the depth Of m
affection for you," said one woman
another in my hearing once upon
time. II would be perfectly happy I
relinquish all personal aims could /
near you, and your slightest annoyanc
- is sharp pain to me-"