Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1893-01-08

will be In great luck. ] don't mean TO
say that the people are naturally stupid.
Many OF them are as bright as new sill
YER coins and have made their reputa-
tions in the world in some phase OF in
tellectual effort.
But 1t would take more than q com
mon mortal, male or female, to be bril-
liant, or even interesting, in mob like
this. There Is no converSation-mere
Singing of few sentences at one an
other. No one sits down. If you at
tempt to stand by friend long enough
to have d bit Of talk current Of human
ity or storm OF gown or train or some
thing Games along and separates you.
II you are not interrupted In this man
ner some woman rushes up and whisks
your friend of TO be introduced to some
one else, or brings her friend up and
plants him or her between you and
your acquaintance, with whom you are
trying 20 carry on conversation, and
drives you away In disgust.
You notice that every one is moving
toward the dining room, where table
Is gorgeOuSly spread with things and
you can't for the life Of you tell what
they are, but they look good enough to
eat. Here the crush is at high pressure.
In the excitement and enforced contact
of the moment you feel your neighbours
heart beating against yours. This may
or may not be interestingly depends
altogether upon the identy and char
acteristic of the neighbor whom the
fates have awarded you for the moment.
1t seems impossible to get near the
table, where from the edges Of the crowd
you get glimpes OF men and women eat
ing red stuff and drinking from pretty
cups You envy them and wonder how
they ever got there. You are In de-
SPAR.
But while you are waiting and grow
ing hungry an experienced tea iend
comes up, inserts shoulder in the near
est opening, says ~ beg your pardon"
smiles and pushes in. a series of inser-
tions OF the thin and well trained shoul
der, Of pardons and smiles, and the ex-
perienced pusher has pushed her way,
or sometimes il is his way, TO the very
front, where he or she presently stands
with a plate 10 one hand and a fork In
the other as calm as a sleeping dog. Not
withstanding the crowd everyone Is
StudiOusly polite and considerable. There
are no diSgraceful scenes. As the
throng shifts TO and fro, forward and
back, a trained eye would observe, how
ever, that it is the accomplished and
experienced tea attender that gets to
the front, while the tyro remains IN the
outskirts and sucks his thumb. Polite
ness is here cloak TO pushing people
out OF ones way, as fancy 1t is In any
of the other affairs Of life.
OF course ii is absolutely necessary
that some idiot should come along with
ice cream and dash it against your best
trousers. And an old woman loses con-
troll Of her glass Of punch and spills it
upon your coat. Another old woman, to
whom you were so unfortunate as to be
introduced, asks you to get her an ice,
and after you have skirmished for about
ten minutes, perspired aud had your
clothes ruined, walked upon the gowns
OF a half dozen other women, you re-
turn triumphantly with the ice in your
trembling hand only to discover that
some other dupe has been before you
and supplied the old DANES wants. 1t
is a favorlte trick OF the experienced tea
attender in Washington to ask four or
FIVE men to get her something from the
table. One or another is pretty sure to
meet with success in his quest In her
behalf, and If two or three or them
come up with cups and plates, why, so
much the better.
1t is queer tumble Of humanity. The
highest officers Of the government are
here and also the lowest in rank. Most
Of the women are married. Half of
them are old enough 70 know better.
The young and interesting women do
not like to waste their strength in such
unsatisfactory endeavors, for there are
no corners TO sit down In, and sole pos
session OF any sort Of man is impossible.
The men are either old FOUNDERS, who
live on tea tables In order to save eX-
penSes at their clubs or restaurants,
diplomats old and glum, or young and
Extensively dudish, or politicians who
are here not so much for society's sake
as for their wives and their reelection.
They are nice people. Many Of them
are famous people. A few are bril-
liant people. But the idea itself Is alb
surd, stupid, harassing, Senseless. II
ought never to be. While dinner sat
isles and develops or reception with
a small number of guests-so that re-
pose and genuine conversation is posi-
ble-brings people close together and
makes them friends Ia fact, tea is q
hop-skip-aDd-jump social function in
which every one is trying to remember
some one else, avoid being run over and
TO get something to eat without loss Of
life or limb or clothing. The tea should
90. At any rate I'll have no more fit.
WALTER WELLMAN.
DEsPA1R not, neither man nor maid;