The enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 188?-1899, 1893-08-16
THE IMMORTAL,"J. N"
The Great Philosopher Strikes Town, and
Imparts Few of His Valuable Ideas to

The Great Philosopher Strikes Town, and
Imparts Few of His Valuable Ideas to
Our Special Communication. :.
This celebrated and immortal individu-
al arrived in town on an early Big -Four
train Monday, his mission being TO shap-
en- up fat and slim men, with ingenious
contrivances which lengthens the length
of fat men and widens the width of slim
men, without physical injury to either.
"The trouble with fat men," he says,
sis that they are too wide for their
length, and slim men are too high for
their width, both disproportions being
easily, quickly and painlessly overcome
by the use of his contriyances, without
breaking any bones, muscles, ligaments,
blood channels, or dislocating any or
gans. Fat men should not seek reduc-
ton of their avordupois by the use of
anti-fat nostrums and slim men should
not try to put on fat, both having just
what nature gave them in that line, and
nature makes no mistake. Man should
have just what nature gives him and no
more, and the improvements that can be
made, or should be made, is to shape it
up different. This can be done by my
contriyances Systematically, and the pa
tient comes out of the lengthening out
process, or the shortening up process, a
perfectly shaped man in all his propor-
tons, for his size"
For two hours he eXpatiated on the
merits Of his contrivances, to the writer,
as we sat together on that bench around
the corner of Laundon, Windecker 81
Co.'S. store, and it will interest citizens of
Wellington to know how they would ap-
pear after they had been "sized" and
shapened up in j. Ms. machine. Hon.
S. S. Warner passed. "That man." said
j. n, sis tolerably well shaped up,
but my contrivance would improve him
considerably. He has material enough
for man ~ feet high ifs was adjusted
according to the rules ofphysical beauty
Evidently, see, he is quite well satisfied
with himself, but 1 shall call on him and
not lift the pressure until he consents to
be remOdeled." Orla Smith passed
looking for some one who would listen
TO free coinage argument. "There's a
man." said j. NJ, "who is altogether
out of whack. He needs shortening up
and the pressure shouldn't be lifted unit
he Is reduced 2Ia feet in length and cor
respondingly widened out" Hon. X. A
IIorr passed; "There's the other ex
ueme," said J. n. "Dog days would bC
far more enjoyable to that man ifhe wa
raised ups feet higher, which would
slim him up to the right proportions.
Perry Spraguc passed. "Two feet" said
j. n, "oif the top of that man spread
over the rest Of him, In proper thickness
would shape him up all right" John
p. Laundon passed. "There," said j
N, sis perfect specimen; my contriv'
ance wouldn't help his shape" Post
master Hustled passed. "Small bu
mighty" said j. N, che should b'
shortened and thickcned up bit. No
much" Dell Foote passed. There's {
man." said j. N, "who ought to be
feet high and that's what | shall MAKE
him when get him in my contlivance'
Mayor Couch passed. "Got small bay
window, l see, needs raising an inch
almost perfect specimen and knows 1t. ,
G. w. Horr passed. Material for maj
80 feet high" said j. N. Doc Hough
ton passed. "One foot Off the length
spread over the width would shape NJ
that gentleman about right" Jim San
ford passed. "My contrivance," said j
, N, "don't form bay windows so essen
tial to the proper fit of swallow'tailet
coats, SO l could do nothing for tina
gentleman" ]. A. MacComber passed
"There,' said J. n, ''is about as slim
man as have struck and | am afraid h
would have to be dipped before th'
contrivance could get pressure on him
He would have to be pressed down to ~
feet in height.
81. N" says that he will make 81,
Oo0,OoO,OOO before Thanksgiving, ant
with it he shall lift the financial press
ure. LoUSGER.