davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1893-02-23
DEFINITIONS OF A LAUGH.

Ra4 Expressions Concerning an Act OF
Which Most People Are Guilty.
A London weekly paper, Tit-Bits, Of
9ered prize of ten dollars for the best
definition of laugh. The money was
awarded for the following:
An eruption of joy, relieved by an ex-
Paosion at the mouth of ''the crater"
Here are some of the best definitions
slbmitted:
That by which mirth pays compi-
saent to wit.
The merry thunder peal which follows
the lightning fash of wit.
An outward Indication of inward salts
faction.
The physical expression of pleasur-
able mental emotion.
An antidote against the poison of mel
ancholy.
AS brevity is the soul of wit, so a
laugh is the soul of expression.
Il Laugh and grow fat as we have been
told,
1aa proverb undoubtedly both true and old,
We cannot be wrong If a laugh we define
IA the very best condiment when we all dine.
The music of the merry, the croak of
the scornful and the wall of the maniac.
The outward visible sign of an inward
invisible tickle.
The natural ebullition of Joyous
heart.
A burst of music from the harp of
mirth, produced by the touch of humor.
The "Volapuk" of mirth and good
nature.
The keynote of mans character, the
tone of which proves its quality.
An appreciation of hunor conveyed
without speech.
A cheerful report from the interior.
Natures mental medicine. Used spar
dngly it acts as pleasant tonic, but
when resorted to i1nmoderately it para
lyzes and degrades the senses.
A temporary relaxation from gravity.
The only family doctor who gives re-
lief in all cases, often effects instanta-
neous cure and sends no bills.
Merriments wand, but derision's dart.
One of Gods greatest blessings for
temporarily relieving the monotony of
our existence.
Heavens best antidote to care.
The luxury of health and the greatest
help to digestion.
What woman is fond of doing when
Bhe has got new set of false teeth.
Natures tonic for mental ailments.
The best doctor and the cheapest med
icine in the world.
A spark from the fire of life.
The spray from the fountain of mirth,
ox a bubble from the.well of scorn.
The sunshine of the heart reflected in
the face.
The safety valve of mirth, the pom
lard Of derision and the. mockery of
despair.
An ostentatious display of ones own
sense of humor.
The oil which make the lamp of life
burn bright and clear.
The explosion produced by flash of
Wit.
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1893-02-23
A Turtles UnavoidabIe DeIav.

During windstorm in the early days
Of last June tree on the farm of Nor
timer Hamilton, in jackson county,
Ind, was blown down, and in falling a
Hmb struck squarely across the back of
. large swapping turtle and forced it
down into the earth. A day or two
since the limb was cut away and the
snapper, released from its imprisonment,
e<udged away, apparently uninjured,
7rom its prison, where it had lain Inn
xnovably fixed without food or water for
over four months.-Cor. Chicago Trib-
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1893-02-23

MODERN wOODMEN OF THE WORLD
vi Mt. Hood Camp No. SO, Meets Tuesday even
ing of each week in Fraternity Hall, at so p. m
The Dalles daily chronicle. [volume] (The Dalles, Or.) 1890-1948, 1893-02-23

The damp weather at Lancaster, Kan,
caused "a packageof . 600 postage stamps,
- become glued together IN n solid
6i0ek, making ID necessary 90 return
chem, to Washington,
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1893-02-17
When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria-
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria.
When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria-
When she had Children, she gave them Castoria
Wif1if,e to He Of Service.

Judge Hutchinson was called upon to
marry young couple. Julius Wolpe,
aged twenty-one, and Dora Albert, q
Young miss of nineteen, appeared in the
county clerks Office and procured a Il
cense. After securing the paper the
the young man was embarrassed and
did not know exactly what to do. The
couple walked through the building arm
in arm, and attracted the attention Of q
lawyer with an eye open for business.
"What can do for your he asked.
eve want to get married5" returned
the young man.
The lawyer led the parties before
Judge Hutchinson, and without hesita-
ton the judge started In to tie the knot
.Do you take this woman''--
eyes SIR" broke in the young man.
HDon't be in hurry" said the judge.
"Just wait until get through with the
question" !.
Wolpe. was then asked II he would
fake Dora for better or for worse and
forever and forever, etc., and he said he
would. Dora made the same promises.
| and the ceremony was over with.
sI hope you people will never want q
DIVORCE" spoke up the lawyer as the
parties were leaving, ssbut if you do
why here is my card. Chicago Times
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1893-02-17
THE ESD.1
LIFE OF JAMES G.. BLAINE.

The melancholy death of Mr.. Blaine has
caused shock to eyeryscitizen of this great
republic, regardless Of political allegiance,
aud every intelligent man, woman and
child will be eager to know the secrets of
the success of this truly great man. They
will also be eager to know how il has been
possible for man of such humble orig gin
aud pretensious as the deceased statesman
to rise to the point of playing so important
part in wi .lding the destiny Of his country
as he has done. AS is always the case when
great man dies the market will be flooded
with what will be termed his 'biography.
Many of til. SO will be. as they usually are
in srch cases very little more than collec.
ton of clippings from old newspapers, and
we warn our readers against so-called
Biographies" OF this description, because
they are comparatively uuin structive and
generally unreliable, if not misleading.
Whenever there are several books written
on the same subject, and particularly when
that subject is the life of Iome noted public
man, there is always one of such books that
stands out head and shoulders above all the
others and that is superior to them il every
way. This particular book becomes the
s'stsndard work" upon the subject treated
of. We thiulS that The life and work of
James G. Elaine," published on the Pacific
coast by ,he Dominion Publishing Com
| pany, of Seattle, WASH, is destined to be
the standard work or. tbs subject of which
it treats We uphesitatingly express this
opinion from the mag ..ifcent authorship
| associated with it, The book itself is writ
| ten by Prof. John Clark Ridpath, l.. l.. D.,
| who is unquestionably Americas greatest
| living historian, and who has besn engaged
| on this work for over year. In his great
and laborious work Prof. Ridpath has been
ably assisted by General Seldom Connor,
ex-governor of Maine, who has been a lif.
! long personal friend of Mr.. Blaine, aud is
the one man through whose instumentaity
| Mr.. Blaine was first sent to the United
States senate Others scarcely less distiu.
| ouished than the jllustrious statesman
himself have been engaged on the work, by
which means the book is repletc with illus
| trations aud material that could not other
wise have possibly been secured. The illus
trations are beautiful, and constitute of them
selves National Portrait Gallery Of th,
leading men of our time. The book is al
! together naguifcently gotten up. and both
| in literary ano artistic merit and mechanical
skill, it does ample justice to the grea'
American, James Blaine. The book j
sold only by subscription, and the pub
lisher's advertisement will be found in an
other column.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1893-02-17
Through Tickets to ali
Points East and South

For tickets ana full information pssal dirG
rates, maps ETC., call cn company's agent at
Corvalliss
L. ROGERS, Asst. G. F. &P Agent.
r. KOEHLER MANAGER. Portland, Oregon
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1893-02-17

Summer waned, then followed autumn,
Autumn by the winters snow,
And again came spring in duty;
Year on year did come and go.
Calipooia broken hearted
Wandered long the quiet shore,
Till at last in age and sorrow,
Snapt life's chord and were no more.
But for many years thereafter,
Fer child seased its lisping words,
/ Mothers would in tones most solemn,
Sing to thenI tile mystic dirge.
And the stranger on his journey,
Passing by this lonely spot,
Oft beheld gasly vision,
One with frightful actions fraught.
Long has rang the poets Tyre,
O'er the scene Of Troy's doom,
But their fate rs far SURPRISES,
As the sun excels the moon.
And the tale ofDido dying,
Pierced by Cupid's merciless ray,
Wanes before that Of Midinia,
As the stars before the day.
Though we hear fantastic legends,
From wild Brokcn's ancient seat,
OF wild Tide, the laughing maiden.
Who glides down the rocky steep.
o. from Norway's deeping shadows,
Where the mystic imps hold reign.
Nome approach the Calipooia's,
None have lived with burning brain.
And not till times rushing pillows,
Sweeps from off The mortal shore
Every vistsge Of the Indian,
8 lall be ceased this tale of woe.
All, farewell, farewell Midinia,
1 have caught thy passing sigh;
have learned thy tale mysterious,
or thy grief that cannot die.
So farewell, nights shades are falling:
| But thy tale oft shall tell;
Tell it DER in solemn breathing,
Yes, Midinia, fare thee Welt.
1.-THE ESD.1
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
UNCLE HIRAM.

present that laughable comedy Uncle
Hiram at the Opera House Thursday
May Is. He is supported this season
by an excellent company of players in.
Guiding Miss Troja Griswold, the pretty
and charming soubrette whose singing of
typical songs, together with her charac-
ter changes have made her prime favor
lte throughout the states and Canada.
Mr.. Woodruff, the comedian, is we'll
known everywhere and there isn't any
need OF commenting upon his UNIQUE and
entirely original creation of Uncle Hiram
suffice to say he stands without an eouai
IN his particular line. Regarding the
mechanical ano scenic effects introduced
IN the new Uncle Hiram. Mr.. Harry
Hardy who is directing Mr.. Woodhulps
tour to the Pacific slope promises the
theatre going public OF Manitovoc that
the entire production with every mechap-
lcal and scenic effect advertised will be
presented or money will be refunded.
The company carries two sets of scenery
for large and small stages and does not
give the public the "old story" that the
stage is too small to place our scenery.
The mechanical and scenic effects are
the wonderful Saw Mill scene consisting
OF a complete saw mill outfit with a 48
Buzz Saw saving lumber in view of the
audience: The Boiler Explosion, the
great Railroad Scene which positively sur
passes all others, consists Of train 200
feet long, an engine, baggage car, coach
and sleeper crossing the stage in ten Sec
onds. The scenic effects are the beauti.
full East River scene presenting a life like
picture OF New. York Harbor. Bartholdi
Statue and the Brooklyn Bridge. Re-
served seat can be had at G.. w. Fechter.
Tickets 35c, so and 75c.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
CIVIL SERVICE REFORM.

In pursuance of the Presidential
order of January 5, 1898, extending
the Civil Service Law to all free de-
livery post offices, the Civil Service
Commission at Washington has order
ed that an examination be held in this
city on Saturday May 9th, 1893, com
mencing at o'clock a. NJ. for the
grades of clerk and carrier in the city
post Office. Only citizens of the Unit
ed States can he examined. The age
limitations are as follows: For clerk.
not under Is years: for carrier, not
under Il. nor over 40: for messenger.
stamper, etc. not under 16 nor over
45. No application viii be accepted
for this examination unless filed with
the undersigned, on the proper blank
before II o'clock noon, on May 20, 1893,
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
FOR MEMORIAL DAY.

The procession will start at the
court house May Both at o'clock P
N. and under command of John Bib
niger marshal of the day march to the
cemetery in the following order
/. Children with flags under the .uperintend-
ency of the respective teachers.
2. Military organizations of the city.
3. Carriages with president of the day,
4. Board of Aldermen.
5. Bielings Band.
8. Horace NJ. Walker Post.
7. Citizens.
PROGRAMME AT THE CEMETERY.
]. Music by Band.
2, Remarks by Mayor doe Villas, president of
the day.
3. Decoration Hymn.
1. Prayer by Rev A. Furstenau chaplin of the
day. .--
8. Memorial address by Roe. C. H. Frazer.
z. Music by Band.
8. Farwell salute of the militia companies,
y. Return march to the q. A, II. hall.
Graves will be decorated a. 10
o'clock A. NJ, by special committee.
At the request of the Mayor business
places will be closed for the afternoon.
All persons wishing to give flowers
for Decoration Day will please leave
same at G. A. r. Hall, Torrison's
Block or at F. G. Buerstattes drug
store before 10 o'clock A. NJ, Tuesday
May Both Flowers to be tied in bou-
quets. Memorial service will be held
at the Methodist church, north side at
1910 O'clock May 2Sth. Members of
the G.. A. r. Post will meet at 1Oo'clok
A. NJ. sharp of that day at headquarters
and march to place of meeting.
BY ORDER OF COMMITTEE.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
REEDSVILLE.

Mrs. Ernst Schneider was taken
suddenly i'll last week but she is now
able to be around as usual.
Ascension Day, May II, was rigidly
observed in this village. The mills
and factory closed and services were
held in both churches.
A. B. Melendy has been in Reeds
vile quite frequently of late, superin-
tending some work which was being
done in his gallery. It will be open
to the public on May Fl.
Cheese buyers have begun to make
their usual weekly visits to Reedville
on Fridays Not much cheese has
changed hands thus far as factories
heve been running but short time
Three car loads of farm machinery
were received here last week and more
is expected in the nesr future. Deal
srs anticipate no difficulty in disposing
of it.
Jerry Murphy and Chas. Helms are
happy over the arrival Of a little boy
in each Of their respective families.
Mrs. Louis Falge was visiting in
Neenah last week.
Considerable uneasiness is felt in
this locality in consequence of the new
road law Town officers do not know
whether to proceed this season under
the old law or the new and special
meetings of the voters in the neighbor-
ing towns will probably be called to
decide the question.
Two parties of merry makers went
out of Reedsville last Saturday. One
went to Brillion and the other to Cato.
By all appearances a pleasant time
was had by both.
A medicine man" of the Kickapoo
stripe has reached Reedsville He
will appear in Shulz's hall on May IS
and -, and he claims he can cure any
disease that man is heir to besides
making them split their sides with
laughter. 1t would appear as though
his cure is as bad as the disease.
John Noble is seriously sick. He
is quite feeble at present but is recov-
ering.
There are scores of dogs in Reeds
vile and some of them are not above
doing mischief either Two of them
were discovered last week in the act
ofkilling sheep. Their owners prompt
ly paid for the damage done and gave
as reason for the slaughter that their
dogs got into bad company. What
the bad company was. they don't say
but if one is to judge by the result it
most probably was the sheep.
A new saloon has been opened in
the building formerly occupied by P.
Paape as dry goods store, by man
named Czekonetski. He needs have
long name to draw custom as that
business is overdone in this village.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
SURROUNDING COUNTRY,

Fond du Lac is having regular festi.
val OF burglaries. On Friday night five
burglaries were committed in that city
all supposed to be the work OF amateurs
An Eau Claire justice of the peace tried
and sentenced two brothers for rifling a
letter which contained money. He did
not know that United States courts, only
mad jurisdiction of such offenses. The
justice doesn't know how to get out of
the difficulty in which he finds himself
Merrill does not propose to be outdone
by other cities which are seeking to Sc
cure one OF the normal schools TO be
built. 1t offers bonus of $55, 900 and a
site. Doesn't this make the hair stand
on the head of the average Manitowoc
man?
The Beloit saloonkeepers are in
pickle. That town went dry last year
and the new license law makes July ],
the opening OF the whiskey year. Beloit.
went wet this spring and license was f1-
ed at $500. Saloonkeepers took out IL
oense for two months paying $500 each.
Now they are under arrest as the no-li-
cense period was extended by the new
law.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
GENERAL NEWS.

Weeks the Superior enbezzler has fed
the country. His total stealings will
amount to 100000.
Bank Comptroller Eckels OF Washing
ton says that the bank failures in the
west have not affected the general situa-
ton. He says that banks 10 the west
that are properly conducted are perfect
ly safe.
A locomotive exploded at Lebanon
Penn. on Saturday last killing two per-
sons instantly, fatally injuring four and
causing injury more or less serious to
several others. The locomotive was on a
side track and was completely de1lolish-
ed. So great was the shock that people
block away were injured. One of those
killed had his body blown on the roof of
neighboring building. disemboweled
and horribly mangled.
A. jackson of Chippewa Falls sued the
Wisconsin Telephone Co. for damages
and secured verdict for SO 900. The suit
was brought ecause OF the loss OF a barn
| by lightning. The company's wires were
strung over the barn and the lightning
| following these wires set the barn on
| fire. This was the second trial, the jury
| having disagreed on the former one.
The southern states having failures
as we'll as those of the northwest. The
Bellville Steel Co. Of Bellville. Mo, failed
on Friday last for 100000. Fl. Thomas
& Co. of Louisville Ky. failed on the
same day for 100000. An Ice Company
in Trenton, n J. failed on Friday with
liabilities $4,000. Failures for large
amounts are reported from Salem, Mass.
Geneva, Ind, Toledo, Ohio, and Kalama
zoo, Mich.
A report comes from Buffalo that the
anarchists OF Chicagoihave formulated 6
plan to destroy the waterworks by means
of dynamite and then set fire to the
Worlds Fair buildings. The destruc
ton of the water works would make the
extinguishment OF the fire impossible.
Emperor William seems anxious te
make mp with Bismarck, but does not
wish to lower his dignity by taking the
initiative. 1t is sought to bring the mer
together at the dedication Of the monu
n1ent to William I. The young emperor
ID 40 doubt anxious to have Bismasck'i
assistance in the pending elections.
! A terrible accident occurred at thu
Calumet & Hecla copper mineat Hough
,ton, Mich. on Sunday last. The miners
ten in number, had accended from the
shaft to get their dinner which wal
4 brought them by the relatives. When a
the surface, the cage did not stop,bu
kept on until che roof was reached, wher
the cable broke and the ten men wer'
precipitated down the shaft 5000 feet
Ihe sight is described as appalling, as i
must be after fall of over one-half ;
mile. . -
There is war IN Terre Haute over tn
post Office. The republican postmaste
!, efused to vacate when his predecessor
presented himself with his commission
On Friday night the old postmaster lock
ed the new appointee out, but the latte
later got possession of the building
They found the windows barricaded. Th
point involved was the civil service ex
animation as then they could not be re
moved and would not have to pass al
: examination. The democrats wanted t,
be in for the same reason and hence tn
disgraceful scramble.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18

Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys-
tenn efectually, dispels colds, head
Aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup CT Figs is the
only remedy of its kind ever pro
duced, pleasing to the taste and &C.
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
: Syrup of Figs is for sale in DOC
and 81 bottles by all leading drug
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. DO not accept any
Nbstitute.
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP co.
SAN FRANCISCO. CAL.
LOUISVILLE. Ky. NEW YORx. nv
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
AMONG FARMERS.

A calf was recently dropped on the
farm OF Joseph Decker of Franklin which
has head shaped somewhat like that of
horse. The head is hairless and so is a
line along the back. The legs down to
the knees have, likewise, horsy appear
ance and the nostrils are large and the
nose is decidedly equine. The mold is
more colt than calf, and what hair the
animal has is fine as silk. The calf was
purchased by VIM. Kellner who paid S25
for it.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18

NAUKEGAS. ILL.,, May 15.-For severa,
days small yacht has been seen Iyino
of Lake Bluff, five miles south of here
and Yesterday boat was sent out to in.
vestlgate. The yacht was waterlogped
and the body of a man was discovered
tied to the mast. The yacht sailed from
this city with four men on board. all
SweGes. Their names are: Charles Len.
berg, Peter johnson, John Larsen a, d
John Swanson. II was Larsen's boSv
that was dashed to the mast. The bodies
OF the other three men have not been dis.
ooFered. The party started for CHICAGO
10 sell the boat, but got no further than
Lake Bluff. The boat was minus its NIB
and was dangerous to sail.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
THE BELL CLOTHING co.
a NEW STORE

| wish to notify the people Of the city and
county of Manitowoc that in connection with nv
business have opened wall paper and paint
house IN the building lately occupied by the
Express Co.
| carry fine stock Of Wall Paper, Window
Shades, and Fixtures, Room Moulding, Pic
ture Moulding, Cornice Poles Vestbule rods,
etc. | also carry full line of Paints, Oils,
and Brushes of all kinds.
DO paper hang ing, House and Sign paint
ing, House decorating, Granting, Calsomining,
Whltewashing and Picture framing.
those wishing anything in this line are re-
quested to call and examine stock and prices
and will be glad to give customers the bene-
TIT OF my experience of years in business.
WALTER GREEN.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18
DEAFNESS CANNOT BE CURED

by local applications as they cannot reach
the diseased portion of the ear. There is
one way to cure deafness and that is by
constitutional remedies. Deafness is
caused by an intlamed condition of the
mucous lining of the Eustachian Tube
When this tube gets int1amed you have
rumbllng sound or imperfect hearing
and when 1t is entirely closed Deafness is
the result and unless the inflammation
can be taken out and this tube restored
TO It's normal condition hearing will be
destroyed forever; nine cases out OF ten
are caused by catarrh, which is nothing
but an inflamed condition of the mucous
surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for
any case of Deafness caused by catarrh
that cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh
Cure. Send for circulars free. %
I. J. CHENEY & Co., Toledo, o.
Is Sold by Druggists 75c.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1893-05-18

Chiffon, Wis, May 15.-Joseph III.
Pay who was arrested at a town na,r
Chicago and brought to this place on a
Charge of assaulting young girl, had his
preliminary hearing this forenoon. He
was bound over for trial to the October
term OF the Circuit court in 81 900 bonds
Nothing has developed regarding his
alleged knowledge OF the killing of little
Lena Sass on the railroad track near Plv-
mouth about two weeks ago.