The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-09-28
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


-Dicker-"What is the flag on tn,
Equitable building at half-mast for?'
Ticker-"Dead policy holder, proba'
bly,. brooklyn Life.
-EIe-"Great Scott! burglars were in
our room last night, and" She
"How lucky it was l didn't have my
bangs done up on curl papers. Inter
Ocean.
-Tramp-"Madam have you an ax?'
Lady of the house-"No." "IIave you
a SAW" mo, have no saw" Then
give me a little something to eat,
please. Inter Urban.
-Harry-"How did that fellow come
to get off who was arrested for stealing
a kiss from Mrs. Ricks?' Jack-"O, she
failed either to show value or prove
property. IN. Y. Herald.
-She-"But you have no reason to be
jealous of me; you know you haven't"
He Reason! reason! | dispensed with
my reason entirely when fell in love
with you. "-Indianapolis journal.
First Politician-"My dear sir, in
ternational arbitration Is all humbug.
Why, If you do away with war, how
are you going to keep down the surplus
population" Second ditto "Why,
we've got footballv'
"A graphical reporter of Boston
paper, in describing suicide. says:
ut Is quite certain that he was unmar-
ried, and there In absolutely no APP
parent motive for the self-dcstruction. T"
Public Ledger
"A Warm Hearted Woman.
sus, could yer give an honest and hum
cry man bite to eat?" Certainly"
said the sympathetic woman; step
right in and take good chop in the
woodshed. "-Arkansaw Traveller.
-"And you rejected him?' 81 did"
"He has the reputation of being q
large-hearted man." That's the
trouble with him; he is too large
hearted. He can love half dozen
women at the same time. Cape Cod
Item.
-Watchmaker-"My friend, / sus-
pect you've been putting kerosene oil
in this watch" George Bond-''That
l have. When a watch goes in soak so
often something must be done to coun-
teract rust. kate Fields Washington.
Mrs. Sprightly-'T would like to
get an additional table for my dining
room" Furniture Dealer ''Sorry,
ma am; we have run out of additional
tables; but can let you have a multi
plication or an extension table. Ray
mond's Monthly.
In the Banking Business.
Hawbuck-''How's Bill dcin' now,
since he went to the citv?" Farmer
Gee Up-"O, he's dom fine. He writes
me that he's runnin' an Egyptian
bank" "Why, that's funny name
for bank" "Wall, s'pose its
Egyptian; he says it's Pharaoh
bank. IN. Y. Tribune.
-'Great Scott. There's man in a
At" 30, no, he hasn't fit." "But he's
got both legs wrapped around his neck
and his face is terribly distorted"
Eyes, that's Mrs. Cumso's coachman-
he's just limbering up a bit after watt
ing two hours on the avenue for the
good lady TO match a piece of Lace
Detroit Tribune.
The daughter of a country rector
in England taught the choir boys a
new tune at Monday evenings prac-
tice, to be sung on the following Sun
day. Sunday morning came. ''Well,
Johnny, hope you haven't forgotten
the new tune, for we depend much on
YOU" Nav, mum, not bit. Why,
I've been a-skeerin' the crows with it
all week."
Opposing a Woman's Will.-"Did
any man ever make ANYTHING by on
posing a woman's will?" exclaimed n
tormented husband. Eyes, 1 have
made a good deal by that sort OF
thing" answered his brother Richard.
"But, Dick, responded the other.
you're lawyer, and the woman
whose will you opposed was always
dead boston Globe.