The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1893-12-16
THE LIyIE-KILN CLUB.
Brother Gardner Lectures On Swear
ing OF.

| ing OH.
'It has cum to my knowledge" said
Brother Gardner, a. he signaled to Sam
uel Shin 20 drop another empty soap box
into the stove, ''dat sartin members Of
dis Lime kiln Club has swore off. Brud-
der Waydown Bebee, Ize bin told dat
yo' resolved to be a better man"
"Yes, sab, | did," proudly replied
Brother Bcbee.
| ''Waal, rze sorry fur IT, When find
man nigh on 10 so vars old resolyin' to
change hisself all ober an begin at de
bottom of de ladder sgip, hain't got
no faith in him. ! allus feel dat he's
I practicin' some decepshun. Take yo'r
case, fur instance. While yo has re-
solved 10 be a better man yo' haven't
cum around an paid me dat 50 borrowed
money which yo' has owed fur two Vars.
| Up 10 last night yo' still owed yo'r grocer
an old balance, an he was dun threat
enin to punch yor head Early in de
fall yo' bought an obercoat of Jedge
Johnson fur 81, promisin' to pay widin
| two weeks, but it seems TO hev slipped
| yO': mind. Brudder Shindig Watkins,
| Parn dat on a recent occasion yo' also
swore otf-yO' resolved not to run in
debt any mo-
Oats what | did, sah," replied
Brother Watkins.
Il han't got no praise fur yo' either,
fur don't believe yo' could run in debt
any mo- if yo' tried eber so hard. IL
was cheap resolve. 1t won't cause yo'
any sacrifice to hang right TO it. How
am it wild yo', Jedge Cabif. Pze been
told dat yo' resolved to save 500 dis
next var"
"Yes, sab" replied the Judge.
II guess yo' kin do it if yo' beg yo'r
tobacco and make odder folks pay fur
yo'r beer, and dat's p'obably what yo'
am figgerin' on. Brudder Samuel Shin,
am il true dat yo' resolved not to tell
single lie for twelve monthsl"
at ar" exclaimed Samuel as he
bobbed up.
"IZe sorry fur da,-werry sorry. Fur
de last ten ye'rs yo' has been known az
de champion Guild liar of de United
States. Yo' will diskiver dat no one
will now believe yo' when yo' am speak
in de troof. Accordin' to what Tze
heard, Sir Isaac Walpole, Admiral
Jones, Judge Cahoots an Gineral Rambo
Green am among de dozen or mo- Of
yo' who has riz up to make resolves. /
obsarve on each one O. yo'r faces a sor: of
sanity sufferin' look, as if dis resolve
bizness was KILN yo' 10y inches, but
yo' was determined not to give in till
death cum. furder obsarve dat each
an ebery one o yo' am behind in
yo'r dues, an | wouldn't trust one of de
lot wdin fo'ty rods of my hen roost on
dark night"
| There was a futter Of excitement
throughout Paradise Hall, during which
some one upset Elder Toots, who was
sound asleep, as usual, and some one
else broke lamp chimney. Brother
Gardner finally raped for order and
continued:
| "Tze an ole man. Fur de last fo'ty
vars I'zc bin studyin' my feller-man.
rze made speshal study Of dis resolvin'
an SWARM off business. an | tell yo'
plainly dat doan' want muffin to do wild
man who has TO wait fur pertick Ter
day to cum around to resolve to lead a
| different life. Dar's too much ma
chinery about it. An has furder dis
| kivered dat de swar- off man takes things
mighty easy.
IF he's a drinkin' man, he resolves not
to use any mo- profanity.
'If he's spendthrifr, he resolves n OF
to pick fight wild anybody.
"If he's liar, he resolves to save mo-
money
ITS gineraly resolve widout de
slightcs; sacrifice. an it's resolve lastin'
from three to ten days When yo' meet
up wild man of - yo' kin figger dat
his gays am sot. He's got his streaks
o. lean an streaks o fat. He han't too
good nor too bad. When dat pusson gifts
outer bed on sartin day an calls hisself
a drunkard, deadbcat, gambler, hoss
thief, liar, an swindler, an resolves TO
live different life, Look out for him.
He han't TO bc trusted half as much as
befo'.
"At de next meeting of dis club de
roll will be called TO ascertain how many
members am still stickin' to dcir resolves,
! and all sich will be marked On de books
as suspicious characters. M. Quad, in
| Chicago Times.