Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-07-20
snrInkIes of splice.

Well this is no kindergarten. Life.
"YoU say Smith leads dual lifep"
eyes; he's bull on the Stock Ex-
change and bear at home. "-Phila-
delphia Record.
BY some strange oversight none of
the pictures Of angels you see have
blue sashes tied around their waists.
--Atchlson Globe.
all now see If l can't get this
draft cashed," said the man who had
invented ventilating apparatus. -
Washington Star.
WHEN a man is thrown bodily out
Of saloon he seldom returns to look
for the power behind the thrown. -
Philadelphia Record.
THESE are the days when the cry
is dress REFORM" and it must be ad-
mitted that much reform needs dress
ing.-Lowell Courier.
"DID the whole company rise and
drink Howler's health?" ale didn't
say, but l guess they did, for he isn't
able to sit up this morning. Inter
Ocean.
ANY man may be infatuated with
his profession, but the aeronaut bears
the distinction Of being perfectly
carried away with it.--Union County
Standard.
do YOU think porous plaster can
cure him from stuttering?" Doctor
Yes; when he comes to take it off
he will swear without stopping
Inter Ocean.
"Do YOU quarrel with your neigh
Dor still about his dog coming over
into your garden?" "No; that's all
over now" Buried the hatchet?"
mo; buried the dog. Tit Bits.
"TH1NGs are coming my way at
last, murmured Hamphat, the ira
gedian, as he lodged a deceased cat
and received an ancient egg in the
right ear.-Philadelphia Record
STRANGER addressing an old brick
layer)-Uncle, who's building this
house? "Mr. Hirschbug, he build de
house, put Queen Anne she drawed
de plan. "-Reformed Messenger
HARDUP-The amount Of your bill,
Doctor, has made me feel quite i'll.
Doctor (gleefully)-Has it, sir? Then
suppose you will want me to attend
you professionally again?-TidBits.
(WHICH of us would you rather
have?" asked one Of the two men
who were running across the field. Il
don't care" replied the bull, tits a
toss-up between you. D" Washington
Star.
"CADLEY yawned awfully while
Dr.. Hicks was telling that story last
night" 81 know; but the Doctor
got even with him. Sent Cad a bill
for inspecting his throat "-Harper's
Bazaar.
GovERNEss-How long is it since
Rome was founded? Little Fanny
Rome was founded 2,S4S years ago.
Aged Grandmother-Dear me, how
time does slip away.-Pittsburg Dis
patch.
THE OLDER ONE-The happiest
time in my life was when I was ap-
preaching womanhood. The other
Yes? But you always seem happiest
when approaching manhood, Brook
lyn Life.
Two FRIENDS MEET. First Friend
-Oh-er-Jarvis, would you mind
pretending to pick a quarrel with
me and just giving me a push, you
know? want to test the pluck of
this big dog Of mine. -Tid-Bits.
Mrs. UNsoPHIsT-" They must fit
these men clubs up very gorgeously
inside. Mrs. Worldly - "Why?"
Mrs, Unsophist-"I heard your hus-
band tell mine that he was playing
the whole evening on velvet. Life
II NEVER knew a man who was as
vain over his personal appearance as
Bumkins is" "Humph; Well soon
cure him of that" Howl" "Well
arrange to have his picture printed
in the newspapers, - Washington
Star.
DIsCoURAGING.- " Weary Raggles-
Please, mister, can't you give me
little assistance? Mr.. Newcomer
Dig up this garden and l will give
you so cents. Weary Raggles-Bet-
ter keep it, boss; you'll need it to
buy vegetables with. Puck.
MRS. FRoNTEPEw-I don't see, why
our pastor should be so continually
urging upon the congregation the
necessity of loving one another.
Frontepew - Humph! Every mar
riage ceremony he performs brings
him at least $5.--Butfalo Courier.
Mrs. WITHERBY - Did you ask
your mother if you could have two
pieces of cake, Bobbie? Bobbie
Bingo-Yes'm. Mrs. Witherby-
And what did she say? Bobbie-
She said l could if you offered them
to me, and then she laughed Life.
FAME. -Affable stranger can't |
help thinking l have seen your pict-
ure somewhere in the newspapers.
Hon. Mr.. Greatman-Oh, no doubt,
no doubt. It's often been published,
Stranger-Then l was not mistaken.
What were you cured of?-New York |
Weekly.
MIS-. HICHURCH (as she gazes out Of |
tho uindOYr nm a rainv Sunday MORN