The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-03-21
ORIFTWOOD.

When a man gets drunk, if he
can't sing, he talks religion.
1t is the worst kind of a sign
when a man gets drunk on Monday.
Every man intends to do better,
but he usually dies before he gets at it.
America doesn't want Hawaii "a
bad As she. hates to have England
get it.
What u sorrow badness will be
to Paderewski! He has so much hair.
and it is curly.
There will be flies on a good
many people this summer who have
none ON them now.
Living in his own house cures a
man of at least one bad habit scratch
ing matches on the wall.
Business men say that their great
est trial is q new girl stenOgrapher
fresh from the business college.
"A woman never meets a woman
who disagrees with her unless the
woman happens to be relative.
There is one thing tn be said to
the credit Of enemies: They never
give you good advice, as your friends
do.
No matter how worthless q man
may be, he always has some reason to
give why respect should be shown
him.
When a woman wears her fret
pair of glasses. she takes her sewing
up in the back room where no one can
see her.
81 wish he'd get married" said
man yesterday, referring to his son,
who is somewhat Wild. ''that would
soon tame him.
A man never feels go cheap and
disgraced as when he sees his house
hold goods piled upon wagon and
spread out on the sidewalk.
"A gentleman informs us that he
never had any trouble with his hair
falling out until he began using re-
storatives offered at barber shops.
When you light cigar In the
presence Of 4 man who doesn't smoke,
you can't help feeling that down in
the bottom of bis heart, he is abusing
You.
When You see particularly
pretty view, there is always some one.
present who tells of prettier view
he has seen, and who laughs at your
admiration.
The most deplorable feature about
politics is that every politician doesn't
get an office. When a man gets one.
he goes away, and stops bOthering peo-
pie.
You are always hearing OF cures
for rheumatism, and of smoking to-
bacco that does not burn the tongue,
but there is no cure for rheumatism,
and every brand of smoking tobacco
bites the tongue.
"A man on the streets to-day ped
ding feather busters, which he car
ried piled around his head, was fol-
lowed all over town by a girl who
thought he was Padereswski.
Men dislike boarding and women
dislike housekeeping, but it is worthy
of note that half the people are board
ing. There seems to he one instsnce
in which the women have their way.
A very bald gentleman of our &C.
quaintance saws he isn't at all sensi--
tive because Of his lack of hair, but he
admits that he always wants to fight
when a man with plenty Of hair comes
up behind him, and pats his bald spot
IN patronizing sort Of way.
OF course it is romantic to give
picnics when the little tender grass
takes its first look above the ground,
but it is not safe. 4 man can get
dose of rheumatism attendinga picnic
at such a season that will last him
long after the grass has gone to seed.
There is one pleasure women
who live in little towns miss when they
ride on the cable cars in Kansas CITY:
the pleasure OF feeling sorry for the
mules. A women enjoys riding ON .
mule car, because it gives her u
chance to feel sorry that two little
mules have to haul 30 many big
people.
We recently called on a gentle
man, and found two glasses Of water
on the table. Across one of them lay
a spoon. and inquiry developed that
the glasses contained medicine, and