Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-04-28
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A shining ight-Jupiter. 4
A spokesman-Th wheelwright.
A pronounced ailure-Stuttering.
Room for improvement-The gym
nasium.-Truth.
81 am willing enough to work" said
young Steer, shut can't find anybody
to work. ."-Elmira Gazette.
Cholly-"What kind of balance has
me wawtsch2" Jeweler-"Probably an
unpaid one. Jewellers Weekly.
George-"I thought you were study
ing oil wells in the West" Fred-"Oh,
I gave it up; it was such bore, you
know."-Exchange.
Criticus docking at picture of the
impressionist)--"If If that's high art, then
Pm an idiot" Cynicus-"Well, that is
high art. It'd bits.
Extreme lo9uaciousness seldom goes
with an airof prosperity. The more
man talks through his hat the shabbier
it gets. Washington Star.
Crinoline or cholera,
Which one will it be t
To sweep the western continent
In eighteen ninety-three?
Detroit Free Press.
She--''Really, now, aren't you
married man2" He-''No. Wby2" She
-"Oh, you have such settled look"
He--"Yes, I've been refused by thirteen
girls"
Doctor-t'I really believe you have
some kind of poison In your system"
Patient (Gloomily)--"I shouldn't won-
der. What was that last stuff you gave
me2"-Judy.
A-"Hello, old chapi CongratuIa-
tions! hear you have married lady
with an independent fortuneW B-''No;
l married fortune with an independent
lady."-vogue.
Daggs -" "What are you reading
there2" Scaggs-"The story of She
Who Must Be Obeyed."" Daggs-"Oh,
yes; the romance of hired girl. y
Somerville Journal.
Borker--"Spoodle has married girl
who knows half dozen languages"
Nagger-''Poor fellow, pity him! My
wife only knows one language, and l find
that one too many"
Love peeped into the cottage,
And the building seemed all right;
But a scanty supply of pottage
Made him quickly take his flight.
Truth.
Partisan Ito intimate friend)-"I
have brought the novel you asked me to
lend you, but, as you are not fond of re-
turning books, will take back a couple
of yours as hostages. "-L'Echo Francois.
Family Physician-"Well, Mr.. Ay-
ling, what is it nowa Any fresh trouble
on hand?" Caller-''No, I don't think
you could call it exactly fresh trouble,
Doctor. It's salt rheum. Chicago
Tribune.
A stump orator wanted the wings of a
bird, to fly to every village and hamlet
in the broad land; but he collapsed
when man in the crowd sang onti
"You'd get shot for goose before you
flew mile. ."-Tit-Bits.
Miss Poet'que-"Ho dreamily de-
lightful is the soothing sound of old
oceans waves rolling up in the moon
light upon the silver sands!" Miss Prac-
tical-"Yes, l always did like to hear
the water sloshing around on the beach. ("
-Somerville Journal.
Biggs-"You say your wife always
pins flower on your coat before you
leave home2" "Yes; she has for a
month" Biggs--"Well, it shows she
thinks of YOU" "No; it's because she
never can remember to sew on the but
ton. Chicago Inter. Ocean.
A man can grow sad, melancholy, dys-
peptic, bilious, hollow eyed, pale, de-
jected, tired os life, cynical, cold
blooded, repellaat and too dangerous to
be at large, and still he will laugh to
see fat man chasing street car that is
going three feet to his one.-Detroit
Free Press.
"Want to buy some of those apples3"
inquired the grocer's clerk. ITO buy
sonnet" said the hopeless looking man
near the barrel, with dry sob. mo,
don't want to buy any; but if it doesn't
cost too much I'd like to stand here
few minutes aud indulge sparngly in
smelling them. Chicago Tribune.
"Halloa, Major said the Judge one
morning; "I haven't seen you for
week; where have you been" "Been
home i'll as anything" replied the
Major. "Yol! Why you were always
as healthy as could be. What in the
world made you illi" "Well, tried to
follow some rules ON health saw in the