The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-04-26
WIT AND HUMOR. !

OSsseOcsfsS~sss
The highway of virtue is SO little
Ts1as Sytings.
The best view of charity may be OBJ
tanned through benevo-lenses.-Us Union
County Standard.
You can't eat your cake and have it,
too. But it's different with an onion.
= Yonkers Statesman.
Making love is game that two can
play at. When there are three 1t Is
work.-Ieras Sittiags.
A quarter in the pocket will buy
more groceries than dollar some
body owes you.-Raaa's Horn.
There are SO many people who never
expect to get what they ask for in
prayer meeting. Horn.
The bald-headed man is a blessing
in more ways than one. He never gets
his hair cut Saturday night. Dubois
Courier.
A famous dressmaker has designed
q coming-out-gown. 1t looks 1t, ac-
cording to the pictures. Orleans |
RicGyt1ase.
Mrs 147-Was that man who just |
went out friend of the familyP" Mrs. |
149-Oh, bless you, no; he's my hus-
band Vogue.
Mrs. Dogood-How did you get to be
such an inveterate liar2 Dusty Rhodes
Il took it up to break myself of stut-
tering.-M 7. Times.
He-Has the young man good rep
utation? She-Excellent. He has the
reputation Of being millionaire
Detroit Free Press.
did Goithard inherit anything from
his fatherP" 81 guess he did,. He says
he was born with an appetite for
liquor."-N. 7. Press.
Frank-Do you know how can cure
May of loving mep Belle-No; if she
loves you her case is plainly hopeless.
Kate Fields Washington.
Playwright-What do you think of
nv playP Truthteller-I beg pardon,
but it is not calculated to provoke
thought.-Boston Transcript.
A horse is not good for much until
he is broken. It does not follow, how
ever, that it is to mans advantage to
be broke.--Bostoas Transcript.
Mrs. de Style-How do you manage
to get servants to wear capsP Mine
won't Mrs. de Fashion hire
policeman to admire them. London
Million.
@How do you like your alarm clock?"
asked the jeweler. "First rate" "You
didn't seemed pleased with it first"
@No. But it's broken now. - Wash
sngton Star.
Merchant-Do you think could sell
much liquor among those tribes were
/ to take it thereP Traveler-O, no.
They are very little civilized as yet.
Detroit Tribune.
Clara-How did you like the color
in Mrs. Van Wyke's new tea-gownP
Maude-Weren't they tri1e weakP
Clara-Yes. She got it to match her
! tea.-The Cloak Reviea0.
Cutting-@H very thin, sir" at
was thinner than that thirty years
ago." Indeed, sir, you surprise me.
Why, you don't look more than 81
now. SIR" "Thirty yesterday" =
Judy.
@The scent of violets make Patti so
hoarse that she can scarcely speak, !"
said Gasser to Chinner. That evening
Mr.. Chinner took home a large bunch
of violets to Mrs. Chinner.-M Y.
Press.
Upson Downes-New York is cer-
tainly growing moral. Rowne de Bout
II should say SO. When fellow goes
out for night he meets no one but
preachers and Sunday-school teachers.
Puck.
$50 should make you very happy
by accepting you, Count?" "HappyP"
All, mademoiselle, should die wiz re
happiness" "Really, Countp You al
most tempt me to say Yes. ."-B Brook
Ign Life.
Penelope-You have been engaged
before? Ten Broeck-Yes. Penelope
Then how am I to know that you are
sincereP Ten Brock (after painful
pause)-I can bring around my bills.
Truth.
"But, Jack, the ring won't go on nay
engagement finger. well. I'm sor-
ry, Pen. but we'll have to call the en-
gagement off. I can't have that ring
altered for every girl who wears it,
~ 7. Herald.
II Ilove you deeply, Ethel. cannot,
win not live without YOU" very
well, Mr.. Bronson. I will send a
broken pillar of roses-or would you
prefer the omission of fowers?-P d
s. s. Co. IS Bulletin.
The Prince of Wales, we are told,
makes his breakfast on slice of bread
and a sausage five mornings out of
six, which leaves it to be inferred that
on the sixth he is not at his wurst.-
Psil0delphiG Ledger.
Il fought you said you wanted to
measure the force of me blows"
80 -
At do" "Well, dat amt no punchin'
machine" 81 know it. It's lung
tester. Washington Star.
Customer-This overcoat you sold
me last fall is worn so thin / can al
Dot ees our patent sanitary overgoat.
Ven you leaf it off in der spring, you
WON'T catch cold.-M 7. Weekly.
Hoop skirts! The idea! How can
they expect us to be graceful in themP"
Il don't know. There's one consola-
ton, though. We can be as ungrace-
full as we please without anyone know
ing the difference. Indianapolis Jour
nal.
"No, SIR" said Farmer Begosh.
@'Tain't no use to argy calamity poll
tics ter me. I amt one o. the people
that thinks er man has got ter believe
the country's goin' ter ruin in order
ter have its welfare at heart. p Wash
fngto's Star.
"Well, Charlie" said the nurse the
other day to 9-year-old Boston boy,
you're an uncle now; you've just had
little nephew" as that SOP" said
Charlie with blase air. well, sup
pose I'll have to give the little beggar
a spoon.-N 2. Tribune.
"The shark is the oldest type of fish, I"
said the country school teacher. "Not
any older than the sucker, 1 guess" +"
remarked the boy whose father had
signed lightning-rod contract that
afterward turned out to be a promis-
sorry note. Washington Star.
"There is one thing like about the
religion that this here Sam Jones
dishes up," said the man with red clay
on his boots and hayseed in his beard.
fI0nSk info mana with In N,