Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-04-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY. :

Bright periodioals-Comets.
The man with long head is rarely
head-long. .-Binghamton Leader.
tie queer about shops-they're never
shut up unless they're shut down.
Elmira Gazette.
There never was so big fool that he
couldn't learn how to count money
Atchlson Globe.
The tigurehead of a college is usually
the professor of mathematics. .1Phila-
delphia Record.
Many man who ''starts off well@
spoils everything by coming back,-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Few men who go into maple.sirup
manufacturing make an unaduterated
success of it.-Troy Press.
Some men are like woodpeckers-they
can't send in bill without making q
big noise about it.-Truth.
Many parachute jumper would be-
living to-day if he had never taken'a
drop.-Binghamton LEADER, ;y~.
The man who waits for appreciation
generally gets it in the shape of an
epitaph.-Milwaukee Journal.
"Does she make good wife2" "WelI,
it is doubtful. Her husband belongs to
four clubs. New York Press. -.
To harrow ones feelings is not the
most profitable way of cultivating an
acquaintance. Boston Transcript.
The picket fence was outlined sharp,
The moon was clear and pale. =
Her lover long ago had left
But thereby hangs tall LIE. ;
"The pleasantest way to take cod liver
OIL" says an old gourmand, .'1s to fatten
pigeons with it and then eat,the pigeois."
Tit. Bits.
The Professor-"Wha is happiness2"
The Philosopher condition OF
forgetting that you are uuhappy, "--'
Chicago News. ;.s..ss
A man whose tongue is his entire,
capital de6es the exigencies of commerce
and succunbs to nothing less than a
paralytic stroke. ~: u. -: s
He's dealer in rhy mes an Lin :.'roc'ss," !.
An exponent OF both avocations,
And eau furnish quotations OF STOCKS,
Or supply you with stocks of quotations.
Truth.
Dives-"I always shave myself. 4 .
won't trust barber on my face Laza- Z
rus-"I always shave myself, too; No.
barber will trust me on my face. ."-caf-
cago Tribune. f'
Bluster-.'I made speech tonight att
the banquet which will make me immor-.,
tal." Mrs. B-.And it was only last
month that you got your life insuredl"
Boston Transcript. 80
"Charlie, didn't you promise to try :
and break yourself of the habit OF using !.
slang2" Charie-"Yes, mamma !, an q you ,
bet Pm gettin' there with both feet,, :
don't you see. Inter Ocean. ~.
''Do play something, please, Miss q
Pianothump," said the hostess, advance !.
ing to her music loving guest; .'its
getting pretty late, but not half the :
guests are gone yet. ."-Gnicago News. s,.f
Mr.. Nuwife-"So this is Gotta ye-pud:s
ding, eh9" Mrs. Nuwife (prondly)s-
eyes. Can you guess how it's made?"
Mr.. Nuwife- Weller / should think 4
of pressed bricks, dear."-Chicago Inter- !,
Ocean. ,rf
Johason--" -"When / do. marry Intend.
- marty sensible girl, if l can find ,
one.n ITofnson-ssNow, there's Miss
Sharpe; she gave me ap." Johnsda 1-ssi
"Just the girl / want. Won't you lin :,
troduce 'me9"--Tit Bits.
No mai has ever been able to explain
SO simple problem as why the briffiaut y
sun should lavish its light in broad day. .
light, while only second hand lumi-
nary is vouchsafei to man in the night
time.-Boston Transcript.
..Yeur travel SO much on the cars.I
should think you would go armed..",
"Armed!" exclaimed the suburbanite. /.
az do. l never travel with less than
fifteen or thirty pounds of heavy bundles !
that / could use in an emcrgency."-
Chicago Tribune. :.......;
Little. Mabel Mamma, don't you
think can teach Fido to talk7" Nam ma
mo, dear; what made you think you
could2" Little .Msbel---ssWeil, when 1
gave him his dinner he growled just like !.
you say papa docs when his meal doesn't
please him. Chicago Inter. Ocean, =
Mr.. Billus-"Seems to me-. Maria; Che :
children don't speak half as. good Eng !.
lish as they did before they began. to 60 :,
to school," Mrs. Billus -"For mercy's
sake, John, how can you expect them to !
learn everything at schooa. dwished
you would quit harping on that Erglish
lanolace fad of YOURS. ."-Chicapo Tri.