Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1893-09-21
Two Gentlemen Of
Derono.
copyrighted by Harper's Weekly.)


Clarence Farquharson down there at
the university? Well, want to know
Why. they are the best boys in Verony.
and for a little place Verony will show
up more for fine fellers than any town
| know of.
''Ffne-lOokin' fellers. amt they?
Don't know which is the beSt-lookin
Some felers think Ed is. and some
think Clarence is. [ presume Eds
folks think he is the best-lookin', and
Clarence's folks think he is.
Both of 'em are fine speakers. Don't
know which is the best Mebbe Ed is
the best, and mebbe Clarence is. /
presume Ed could speak Marco Boz
zaris' better than Clarence, and that
Clarence could lay out Ed givin' Spar
tacus to the Cartha ginians'
Both of 'em are good hunters
Don't know which is the best. Ed is
good: so is Clarence. I presume that
on his fathers farm out in NEinnesoty
Clarence would kill more rabbits than
Ed could, but up round VerOny Ed
would git more pa'tridges than CLAIR
ence would. On a bear, one of the
common black kind we have up round
Verony, [ presume Clarence would be
the best, though mebbe he wouldn't:
but if one of them big cinnamon-bears
took after 'em, Ed would be the boy
to fix him, I think, though mebbe he
wouldn't.
Great fellers to smoke. Don't know
which smokes the most. Mebbe Ed
does; mebbe Clarence does. I presume
that up to the Farquharson's on Sun
day afternoons Clarence would smoke
more with his meerschaum; but out
campin' with lots of skeeters round.
YOU can bet Ed would use up tobacco
with his old briar.
Great fellers for athletics. Great
wr1stlerS. Don't know which is the
best. Mebbe Ed is: mebbe Clarence is.
presume if Ed got Clarence foul
with an under-holt. and Clarence was
kinder unprepared, he would put him on
his back: but if Clarence should Jump
on Ed when he warnt lookin'. git his
arms round him before he knew it and
sort of twist him over like, probably
Ed would go down.
Both of 'em are dressy fellers. Ev-
cry night at seven o'clock they put on
their Prince Albert coats and go up
town. But 1t amt to see the girls.
They SWOre Off on that. and I will tell
you why.
1T is several years ago now that
[ went to work for old man Dyspringer
in his general store: Dyspringer &
BOOkins is the firm since / went into
partnership; Dyspringer run it all alone
then, and l was only a clerk. 7 lived
at his house with him. He kept d
pet bulldog at the store nights, and
had me at the house. He said there
warn't nOthin' a desperate character
would try to git down to the store,
the most valuable things bein' six
dollar pants, while up to the house
was all his cash and silver plated
ware, and he wouldn't risk the bull
dogs life guardin' them valuables
against, the kind of villanous and de-
te1mined men that would come after
'em. He had a daughter, old Dyspring-
er had, a good-lookin' sensible girl
and Clarence and Ed were both after
her. [ had always known Clarence
and Ed, so 1 wished em good luck,
because whichever one got her would
git a good wife, and fall heir to a
large and varied stock of clothing,
hardware, soap, hair-ile, and every
thing else the inhabitants of a town
like Verony would be likely to buy.
Il watched the courtin', and some
times I thought Ed was ahead, and
sometimes I thought Clarence was.
One day Mary-that was her name
asked me which one I considered was
the most suitable for matrimOny /
told her I couldn't tel, as two more
evenly matched fellers in the virtues
and vices [ never see. The only way
II could think of decidin' would be to
have some sort Of trial, she to be the
p1;Ze. She asked me to name the kind
OF rial, but I was so unsettled in my
mind about it that I couldn't name
one. I couldn't think of any kind of
trial in which either of 'em was best.
and one of 'em had to beat, you know.
" Have 'em shoot at a mark said
Mary.
" That might do said I. Ed is a
fine shot with a rife, and Clarence
amt: but Clarence is such a blamed
lucky feller that he generally beats Ed
" Have a shootin' MATCH said she.
Course we had to do it, and I put
up dry-goods box with a black bulls
eye on it out in Sanders COW pasture
Ed hauled off and shot, and there was
his bullet-hole right in the bull's-eye.
Clarence aimed; his gun wobbled every
which way, but what did he do but
send his bullet right through the same
place Ed shot. Never see the beat of
that feller's luck Ed started out to
claim that Clarence never hit the box
at all, but I knew he did. His gun
used a smaller bullet than Eds, and
it went right through the hole without
touchin' the sides GOSH but Clarence
was lucky!
'Well, everybody in town heard
about the trial, and old man Dys-
pringer did too. He said he Warn't
goin' to have his daughter made ridicu-
lous, and he ordered Clarence and Ed
to keep away, and tried to marry
Mary off to the Presbyterian minister.
Mary told me she wanted another trial.
I love them boys, and / don't know
which one I love the most said she.
Clarence is such a good, true Teller,
and Ed can tell such interestin' les.
l kinder think Clarence likes me best
jest because he sent you a twenty
five-cent valentine I know how much