Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-29
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Oad, Curious, and LauRhabla
Phases Of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists Of
Our Own Day.
Tea-Table Tallr.

dynamite you ought to have seen the
butter hy--Blnghamton Leader
POET - "The manuscript of my
poems is illegible; must copy them. "
What, again." Fliegende Blaetter
THE idea that a man in love has a
far-away look in his eyes probably
originated in crinollne times. Wash
ington Star.
LAWYERS get rich mindlng other
peoples business, but that's no ex-
cuse for ordinary busybodles. -Somer-
vile Journal.
No WONDER people can't under
stand finance when it's alleged the
more gold goes abroad the closer it
gets.-Philadelphia Times.
THERE'S wan unjoost thing about
ARMY pinslons, said Pat. "Them
as lives gets 1t all and them as dies
gifts lift. "-Harper's Magazine.
The WESTERN VERSION. st. Peter
-"Dld you try tolive up to the golden
ruler" Chicago man-"Yep; / tried
to do Others before they did me. y
Puck.
AIGH "Blngley's wife doesn't
prove to be all that he fancied she
was" Bee-"Very likely; he got her
at bargain counter. Boston Tran
script.
81 THINK the point well TAKEN"
said Nupoppe softly to himself as he
stepped off the inevitable midnight
tack without so much as a sin
gle -.
BRowN-"Mrs. j. appears to be in
censed against her laundryman."
Jones-"Yes; you see he ironed her
skirt plain and ruffled her temper"
--Binghamton Leader.
WIFE-"I have just been to the
dentists and had a tooth drawn"
Husband (heaving a sigh)-"Lucky
tooth! 1t is now beyond the reach of
your tongue. DE Sobremesa.
"THERE must be a wonderful
amount Of electricity in strawber-
ries" "Nonsense, man; why?" ''You
try pricing box and see II you don't
feel shocked. Chicago Inter Ocean.
why, what's the matter with the
boy?" 81 wuz SEEM how many ami
mails from my Noah's ark l could
hold in my mout', an I've been an
swallered a giraffe an a zebra!"-
Life.
81 SHALL treat him in the most dis
tant manner" she said, Indignantly
"How will you do it?" asked her
brother. "I'll never speak to him
except over the telephone!"- Wash
ington Star.
MERCHANT-"This style Of hat will
make your husbands face look very
wide. Wife-"That's why l am get
ting it; his face always looks so aw-
fully long after Christmas. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
New HAVEN would have been
without bread for some days past,
owing to strike of her bakers, had
not men from other cities been OBJ
tai1ed to supply her kneads -Phila-
delphia Ledger
AT THE THEATER.- Hicks-"What
do you think Of Strideabout's per-
Torrance? He tells me he COM
mitted his part in half day" Wicks
-"H'm! Don't you think he ought
to be committed himself?"
HE-"Jerusalem What made you
offer prizes? They'll cost fortune.
She" Pshaw, we don't have to get
any; they were to be given to the
woman who didn't ask what's
trumps. Chicago Inter Ocean.
SoLIcIToUs .FRIEND-"If you are
determined in your intention to go
upon the stage, hope it is at least
with high aim" Mrs. De Voors-
Don't worry about that. lean kick
three feet over my head and not half
try"
Miss FUzzIE-"I want to break my
engagement with Mr.. Sappie, but 1
don't know how to do it without
driving the poor fellow to suicide"
Little Brother-"Why don't you let
him see you in curl-papers?"- GOOD
News
DocToR-"Well, my fine little fell
low, you have got quite well again.
was sure that the pills I left for
you would cure you. How did you
take them, in water or in cake?"
"Oh, used them in my pop-gun. -
Tit-Bits.
TEACHER - What is the golden
text? Dick Hicks-Is the servant
greater than his master? Teacher
How is the question answered? Dick
Hicks - In our house it is never
raised. Browning, King s. Co.'s
Monthly.
PRAY" inquired one minister Of
another, Seeing so MANY ladies at
tend your church, why do you in
variably address your congregation as
dear brethren?' "Oh, the reason
is easily given" he replied, @the
brethren embrace the sisters. Tit
Bits.
SToREKEEPER-You won't suit me
if you're not married. Young man
Why do you prefer your clerks to be
married? Storekeeper = Because l
find the married ones are never in
such rush to close up at night and
| Ioova mo 90 tho einnlo nnac ora