The Van Buren press., 1893-08-26
JOHN vO0ELSBLAAr.
oar German Friend Goes Down to the
Barge Once.

JOHN vO0eIS6lAATs
Oar German Friend Goes Down to the
Barge Omce.
"Vhell. vhas widower for oafer
two years now, und says to my frendt
Shon Obenhauser, in Houston sthreet--
says to him der odder day:
'Shon, maype got married some
more, eh? Do you pellet he vhas all
right?
Certainly, Mr.. vogelsblaat-cer-
tainly. und 1 like to gif you some
pointers. Go down py dot barge office
vhen some Sherman emigrants come in
and pick you oudt wife. In dot vhay
you doan' haf to do some sparkin'
Und all q ,r Sherman girls bring oafer
lots of money und vhas IS healthy ash
beef'
''Vhell, dot seems sensible to me und
| keep watch for some Sherman folks.
When big crowd comes in / puts some
grease on my hair, pay a boy fife cents
to shine my shoes oop, und vhas a
regular shim-dandy When I goes me
down by dot barge office. vhas look
Ing around when bolicemans nit q
red face says to me:
!" Hello, you TELLER, who You like to
see aroundt here?'
"'Of you blease, sir, like to find
some Sherman girl init red cheeks und
fife hoonered dollar who vhill marry
der best man in Moo York. Vhill you
be 80 kindt ash to spheak for me?'
"'Who you vhss, eh?
"'I vhas Shon Vogelsblaat, IL you
blease, und l make somepody kind hus-
bands
"'Vhell, SEQ aboudt him. You
shtand oafer dere und shall 60 in und
shpeak NIT some young und tender
natchen und pring her oudt. Maybe
1ou vhill name dot first shild after me,
III"
"Of you blease, mister bolicemans,
name all der shildrens otter you, und
bless you forever.
"Vhell, he goes in, und by und by he
comes oudt again init q vomans who
vhas zeexty years oldt. She vhas all
bent oafer und almost blind, und she
haf to walk init cane.
"Here she vhas, my poy,' he calls
10 me. She vhas VERY young und
tender, und you must be kind to her. ;
"'She vhas no girl. Do You pellet l
vhas fool?'
"'No girl! Why, you Dutchmans, you.
vhas you blind? She vhas only 10
years oldt!
"'She vhas hoonered, sir, und she
vhas not Sherman, either
"'Humph! vhell, you must be some
idiots. OF course she vhas Sherman.
Shpeak to her in der Sherman lam
guage.'
eyes, me bye! Sphake to me in
the lingo. was waitin' fer you these
two days, me darlint.'
"'Take her, Mr.. vogelsblaat-talke
her und be some happiness said dot
bolicemans.
+" 'Nefer!' atG.,
"'Vhst! You make me all dis troubles
for nothings! You lie to me about how
you like to git married to some nice
Sherman girl. Take dot 1'ai9t
"Und he gifts me der club more ash
flfe times, und dot oldt vhomans kicks
me twice, und vhas run in like tief
When goes pefore der shudge he looks
1t me und says:
"'My frendt, II ifanypody fools aroundt
like dot he vhas some badt mans und
must be punished
"'But, shudge, doan' like no wife
seexty years oldt.' i&l
"'Dot makes no deeference, Mr.. Vo-
gelsblaat. Dis vhas free country, you
know. Dot oldt vhomans vhas entitled
to husband shust as mouch as der
young girls, und l haf to find you
guilty und make you bay four dollars
"Und when seetle oop dot fine und
goes oudt on der sthreet who you pellet
vhas dere? Why, dot oldt vhomans init
her cane, und she calls to me:
"'Faix, und maype you like to thrifie
wild tender young gals affections
again. Good for der shudge, und If ]
Wasn't SO young uud bashful I'd be
afther maxim you dance to the swate
und gentle music Of shillalch playin'
about your legs. '"-Detroit Free Press.