Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-07-13
with the wits.

stopped the cart was the face she
made. indianapolis Journal.
A TEAMsTER often loses his back
board. So does a boarding house
keeper. Yonkers Statesman.
JAGsoN says the Prince of Wales
may not be a good cook, but he is an
experienced waiter Elmira Gazette.
IF a person says he will not coun-
tenance thing perhaps he will not
face 1t either.-Yonkers Statesman,
WHEN a lover throws his sweet
heart a kiss he generally in the last
throes of parting, Rochester Demo.
crat.
WHEN a person considers himself
as zone in 1000" he naturally regards
the others as ciphers, Boston Tran
script,
If Chicago doesn't toll the old
Liberty bell it will be about the only
thing to escape, Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
THE proposition of base ball people
to enlarge the diamond will put the
hotel clerk on his mettle. Washing
ton Star.
THE trape2e performers business is
precarious at best He should always
have some good thing to fall back on.
Troy Press,
WHILE great many things are en-
tirely different from what they seem,
as a rule the hen goes as she lays
Buffalo Courier.
THE reason a person sees stars
when he is struck in the head must
be because it makes him sore aloft,-
Rochester Democrat.
A KANSAS man thinks he can de-
stroy cyclones by exploding them.
"Try it and be blowed~ says the cy-
clone.-Chicago News.
THE hose-makers of Waltham have
struck. They probably knit their
brows before they went out and then
darned their employers
A BALTIMORE paper says that the
soldiers at Fortress Monroe have three
pet billy-goats. They are doubtless
kept on the ram-parts. Philadelphia
Record.
HICKs-Did you hear about Brash's
death? He died quite suddenly.
Wicks-It was like him. He always
was so impulsive, you know, Boston
Transcript.
TEACHER--"Are there any classes
in republic like ours" Boy-"Only
two" ~Two?" "Yes'um; them volts
got er pull an them wot ANTI
Good News.
AUNT-"Well, Bobby, what do you
want to be when you grow up?"
Bobby remembering private seance
in the woodshed)-" orphan.
Texas Siftings.
MRS SQUEEzEM-"I mean to have
spring lamb and green peas for din
ner soon." Boarder-"I move thai
your resolution be tabled at once" >
Boston Gazette.
KN1BBs-How nice Miss Plump
leigh looks She looks good enough
to eat. Gibbs-She is good enough
in fact, she's eating most of the
time.-Detroit Free Press.
JNKs-Don't you think that the
intentions of French duelists are
more honorable than is generally con-
coded? Filkins--Oh, yes; as a rule
they aim high. Brooklyn Life.
"PAPA," said Fred, "if you'll give
me dollar, I'll give you a present"
We'll" let's hear what the present is
to be?" said his father "a cent"
said Fred. -Harpers Young People. !
"ARg you going to see the play to-
night" Il am going to the theater,
but whether | shall see the play or
only an opportunity to study the
latest forms of millinery architecture
l cannot tell. Exchange.
Mr.. LUsHFoRTH---I believe I've got
'em again. Mrs. Lushforth--I hope
you will have snakes or monkeys, or
some sort Of menagerie animals.
Those mice you had the last time
made me so nervous that could
hardly sleep.--Indianapolis Journal,
PERHAPS for concentrated inaccu-
racy Of statement nothing can sur
pass the following sentence, which
occurred in an account Of burglary
given in newspaper: after a
fruitless search, all the money was
recovered except one pair of boots. y
Tid-Bits
ENGLIsHNIAN-Pardon me, sir, but |
where do you come from? Paddy
From County Cork. Englishman-
Then that accounts for your brogue
Paddy-May ! ak where you come
from? Englishman proudly)-From
Worcester. Paddy--Then that ac-
counts for your sauce. --Tid-Bits
BUTLER-There's man below to
see you, sir. Mayberry-What did
you tell him? Butler-I told him
you told me if it was a lady, to say
you were in; and if it was a man, to
say you were out Mayberry-Wbat
did he say then? Butler-He said to
tell you he was a lady.-Harvard
Lampoon.
COMPOUND It'll" exclaimed jack
son, "what stupid fellow that jew
eler Isl" "How SOP" inquired his