Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1893-08-20
RIDE In THE PATROL.
THE IolER TALKS WITH MAJOR POE
ABOUT THE WAGONS USE.
Sergeant Cosby's Experience In Arrestins
Two Fighting FsmaIes-rhe Craze
for white Pants.

SeVeral OF my IIlenuS nave Detu puoS'
tioning mo about the patrol wagon re-
Gently. hardly know whether tho con-
fidence they repose in my knowiedge on
the subject should be considered "a q COM
pliment to my acquaintance with NUM-
cipal affairs or whether 1t has another sig
nificance. At any rate. my friends are
necessarily interrogating me about the
prettily-painted vehicle which looks 80
comfortable and inviting. They want to
know il q man is bopud 10 ride IN wnen ne
gets pulled" or whether he has the pre-:
rogative Of seeking some other mode oil
CONVEYANCE to the lookup. Why they
nuerv me thusly is moro than | can tell.
IL looks bad for their future and always
reply to them IN fatherly tone that the
less knowledge they have OF that wagon
the better II will be. But neither this sound
advice nor the temperance tracts give
them seem to satisfy their curiosity, and
so l have been TO gee Chlef-of-follce
Poe about the matter. We'll, my boy,
coauettishly said the Major when | ques-
toned him on the subject, we won :
make you ride in it if you get In trouble. "
| cast an afTectionate glance at the stately
goatee which adorns his Greclan chm.
and gratefully asked him to what was this
discrimination in my favor due. It's
this way" said the Chief. smiling at the
reflection of his martial countenance
which beamed back at him from his pa
tent-leather shoes. 1--WE always like 10 give
the boys show. If mans gentleman.
and has never been in trouble before, OF
course we are not willing to ruin his repu-
tatIon lust for one little offence like fight.
or because he has that tired feeling The
patrol-wagon is designed to haul obstrepe-
rous individuals or persons whose jag IS
too heavy for them 10 carry. The feelings
of old offenders are not considered at all
in the matter. for you couldn't hurt their
reputation if you would. As a general
thing" concluded the Major, we let the
police use their own discretion in the
matter of deciding who IS entitled to a
ride"
Sergeant Juuius A. Cosby, tho heavy
weight champion of the Second Police
District, Is rather averse to the patrol
wagon. His first and only experience with
the stylish conveyance disgusted him.
The Sergeant is a man OF dignity. and
whether he trips along the seashore in n
bathing suit. or dances the mlnuet at the
association balls. his stately manner never
deserts him. One night he was perform
ing his constabulary duties IN the neigh
borhood of the Academy OF Music aud
was devotIng his energies to the full pro-
lection of lamp-post which adorned the
corner upon which he stood. Suddenly
ne heard sound-a deep, soul-thrilling
sound. and
Words rich and rare
Flew out on the air.
In an instant he was on the Q6 uiue. 1t
took his eagle eye only moment to real
ize the cause of the trouble. On the
opposite side of the street two irate COL
ored danes were engaged in on exchange
of billingsgate. They made the very air
blue with their anathemas, but the Ser
geant quickly checked this. The two
hundred and fifty pounds of - majesty OF
the law" quickly collared the honey
tongued Amazons. Just az the officer rang
for the patrol-wagon the play at the
Academy ended and the audience poured
out and halted to see the fun.
1T seemed years 10 me before that
wagon came" said the Sergeant, a. he re-
called the incident few days ago, land
every lady who had been TO the play was
there watching me. To make matters
worse my two prisoners got 70 cutting no
again, and | could do nothing. Would
you believe it. they 'cus5ed me black
aud blue. Why" concluded the Ser
geant. a. tie persplration OF indignation
rolled down his cheeks, they actually
CGlISu uc IOne-tSEsct' w "H'bO S4e7"'
It's truly astonishing how little some
people know of the English language
people who don't speak any other tongue,
too. 4 few days ago one of my friends
was lust about 70 take a tram tor the sea-
shore when an acquaintance approached
HIM and said: Hello. sporty, where're
you of to?" I'm going to gambol in
n \ -. q lnr nix
What! :" exclaimed the other gentleman
in vlrtuous amaZement: you don't mean
to say that you are gong to play cards on
that raft IL the water, are you why: oil
the girls In the SUR will get onto you"
The Postmaster of Ashland is a man of
close observation creature of colossal
mind and massive brain. During the col
lege commandments which afforded
amusement 70 the residents Of the pretty
little town, a Young Richmonder who was
visiting the place became very much IN
fatuated with sweet maid whom we VIII
call Miss Jones. He visited the fair one
almost hourly-boarded at her house as 1t
were. One day q letter for the Richmond
cavalier reached the pOst-otice, and as 1t
had no address upon II the Postmaster was
for n moment at q loss how TO deliver 1t.
Suddenly he hit upon happy idea. lie
sent the epistle TO Miss Jouess house. The
young man gotit-got 1t five minutes after
it lett the pOst-otflce.
Every dude and chappie in town is scuf-
fling 20 get pair of white trousers. They
are all the rage now, and as common as
snow in winter time. Short-legged men
OF small purse but large ingenuity are
having their cuffs Numbered rough-dry
and using them as pants, while long legged
men are donning starched bolster-coyers
and utilizing them for the same purpose.
White trousers. like everything else. have
their drawblckS-also their draW-up9. IL
YOU contemplate sitting down on PIE
while IN d moment Of abstraction 1t is well
not TO have them whlte-in fact, 1t Is best
TO borrow some other mans Dreeches tor
such a trlcK, anyhow. Perhaps you don't
know what mean by the draw-ups" of
white pants. Well, suspenders are one of
their draw-ups. but what l refer to
more particularly Is their capacity to
shrink. When you first wear them
in public. it is considered q Ia mode 70 roll
them up. because, "Deah boy. the weathah
is so awful n8rsty in LunnIn." Upon m
serting yourself in them after they Lave
been washed YOU are liable to receive
y
dentally como across baseball SUIT, Tor
the trousers are extremely high watery."
On the third insertion YOU imagine you
have struck your small brothers knicker-
bockers, while on the fourth YOU realize
that you are wearing Baby Willle's OUTFIT.
Aud then, last of all they become evanes-
cent-they vanish like snail beneath a
piach OF salt. No. no, my lords and gen.
tlemen, none of those whitewashed pants
tor me.
Talk about the trunk mystery which
occurred IN Chicago some years ago-why,
it isn't IN 1t. A few days ago little Sara
toga left Richmond which knocked out
that Windy CITY" trunk completely. II
wasn't suspicious-lookingb box at all, and
when the express-men played football
with 1t, IT bore its sufferlnGs without q
murmur. The little Saratoga was hurled
into the baggage car and borne off without
incident or accident of any kind, but
when II reached ITS destination and was
tossed upon the statIon-DlatfOrm IL began
to perform the most wonderful teats. It
commenced to jump about and turn somer-
saults as If possessed of devils. Mysterious
sounds emanated from its interior. and
smoke began 10 issue from the key-hole of
the lock. The loungers and spectators
at the depot were amazed at this mystic
rious conduct. an1 they were sore afraid.
After the Saratoga had danced the can
can. cut many didos, and given an all
49,