The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-09-17
Y'6or.ua,ls
: Ful1erjQMlary

| During these long hot summer days one
| of the best ways in which to pass away
| the time is 10 sit complacenuy upon
! cake OF ice and fan ones self. Indeed a
| fellow can't afford TO worry over tribes.
| and everyone should take particular
| mains not TO get excited over anything less
| serious than the present "strapped con-
| dition OF mankind generally. lis 700 not
| 10 worry. Mental uneasiness gets man
/ so uneomfortably warm that ne rehects'
| while wiring great drops OF perspirauon
! fror, his countenance. whether IL would
/ NOT be a wise plan TO accept the advice
| of n physician from Africa, ana regale
| himself I'm a collar button and pair OF
| suspenders. -.
| one of the most prominent clergymen
| in this CITY appreciated the situation When
/ he recently received letter from church
I'm a far Southern city asking MN 10 come
| down and help settle a row among Ine
| religious leaders in the congregation Inc
minister aforesaid read the letter through
| carefully. adjusted his glasses, ana eX-
| amined the thermometer. 1t registered
| ninetv-eight degrees. The preacher wiped
| his brow. famed himself vigorously Tor
moment. and then sent this telegram 10 the
| quarrelsome congregation:
| keep Cod"
Now. he is lust the kind Of man that
gets along in this world. He took phii-
/ osophilcal veiw Of things, and, tell you,
/ there's nothing like taking a philosophical
view of things. II a fellow could just
| look at everything from old Socrates
| point Of view. what q deal Of worry and
| trouble II would save. Why. can remem-
Der when / was a reporter on penny
paper I used 10 worry myself half to
| death when there wasn't any news 10
| dig UP. One day It seemed 10 me that
| everybody in town had gone sound asleep.
| There wasn't as much as small toddy
| stirring / was at a loss what 10 write LOT
| the afternoon edition. Hustling down
| Main street. spied friend Of mine, VINO
| then kept up With all the genteel scandal,
| loungfng I'm n door way With the speed
| of a trolley ear I hurried over to greet
| him. believing firmly I'm his capacity 10
| inform me OF at least a secret e!opement'
| l accepted his invitation for smile >
after the manner of every first rate news
| paper man, and then got inquisitlVe Vni
| Journalists are inquisitive-thats the way
| we make our living)
"Anything fresh this morning|l asked
Eyes. came the emphatic reply.
"Ah!" thought !, "bctter be lucky than
| rich.
"Ana what Is it?" I inquired, feeling
| confident that I had struck n soft snap
soThat paint you're leaning against,
| came the prompt reply.
had Just persuaded reputable
| cIothier to credit me for new SUIT.
! Tbat suit hasn't been altogether settled
for vet. and my friend in the doorway
| walked around the streets with bay WIN
| dow on each eye for several weeks. /
worried over the matter for some time
| and paid $3.50 at the police court the
| next morning. Ever since that day 1 have
| made up my mind to keep cool. Crushed
| ice, favored with drop or two OF spirits
now forms q large portion Of my dlet'
Doubtless the delegates at the late
| Prohibition Convention held I'm this city
will be shocked TO read this but 1t goes,
and so does the crushed ice with the
flavoring.
have often been the recipient Of a
| general invitation, and once or twice dur
ing my antiquated existence In this frivo-
| lous world have been thoughtless enough
| 10 accept one Of them. II know myself,
! I shall never do so again. There IS moth
| ing more meaningless than q general in
| vitation.-except perhaps, a love declara-
| ton at a summer resort If you should
| desire a friend TO drive. or dine, or spend
| on evening with you, set special time.
| do come some day and dine with us;
| 1--WE have long wanted you TO spend an
| evening with US" and the like, are as
| vulgar as they are meaningless. If you
| should accept SUCH an invitation, more
than likely you would find your hostess
! seriously Inconvenience by your pres
| ence. In fact, she might be subjected TO
a very embarrassing situation.
A man once accepted such an invitation
| from a girl who was making a dead
set'' for him from a matrimonial point
| Of view. He waltzed into the dining room
| to find her In a mother-hubbard, while
| her tresses were done up in manner 10
resemble some peoples idea Of Satan
| with his horns The fellow didn't court.
The woman is still single.
| These general invitations are given by
| people who affect 10 be informal in their
hospitality, and simply for a so-called po-
| liteness There is no pOliteness I'm them.
! They are insncere cOnyentionalitieS
| which really mean nothing, and give an
| appearance Of cordiality when spoken to
| one ignorant of social usages. l once
| took an acquaintance of mine at her
| word, and accepted one Of these empty
| shams Disagreable consequences result
| ed ] was told that she was I'm the bath
| tub. It was a source Of some regret 10
the lady that the time Of her additions
should have been announced TO a compar-
alive stranger.
Some people will even reprove you for
your seeming neglect Of them, when they
| themselves are TO blame for not specify
| ing time for your visit. one often wish
| es to intimate at least that nothing but
| failure to designate a time has kept him
| away Now take an old mans advice,
| and set a day and hour for a guest. II
/ need be send the carriage for him, or ar
| any rate, enclose car fare I'm the enyel-
opa THAT'S gqpufDp bOSDif8litV.
Everybody has at least theatrical
knowledge of what is known as an
| ''Irishman's hint" Twas only a week or
so since that / saw a vivid illustration OF
one. Ny friend, who is deeply enamour-
ed Of a ark-eyed siren who lives on
West Grace Street called that right. BY
mere accident | called on the same little
irresistible miss. A perfect brunette she
is and yet, strange to say, utterly devoid
of feeling. At least | could never see
any evidences of aught but a serene in
difference in her make up" My friend
rang the bell. and the mischieyous little
woman concealed me behind an easel.
| Things rolled along smoothly enough for
| a while, until the other fellow asked: DO
| you object TO cigarettesY'
l knew trouble was brewing and |
could see it I'm the girls eye; but ! kept
as still as a defeated political aspirant.
How many do you smoker" she asked.
about forty a day." said the love
sick man.