Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-04-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A common rcport-The sunset gun.
A force pump-A reporters inter
view.
Out of the fashion-A dressmaker's
profits. fsi 49,
A checkered career The chess.
players.
Love is merely very pleasant faith
cure.-Galveston News.
The auctioneer is a man who likes
to have you talk back.
Even when hard at work the cooper
has a staving good time. = Boston
Courier.
"We will let it go at that" said the
young boy as he threw an apple at
dude Harvard Lampoon.
When man says that the world is
growing better, it means that the opinion
of himself is growing higher. RAMS
| Horn.
"I can dispose of whole boat load
/ of Sailors" remarked the whale, t'but
it's when swallow their yarns that /
feel worsted. ."-Elmira Gazette.
When doctors disagree.
An dunno what does all yer,
Then, 'twixt you an me,
They jes' calls it "bearJ faiiureP
| Puck.
The bee of Northern Greenland has no
sting. But there is nothing in Northern
Greenland worth singing. Nature sell
dom makes blunder.-Chicago Tri-
bune.
The great difficulty about politics is
that it is utterly impossible for the ap-
pointments to make any kind of nu-
merical showing alongside of the disap-
| pointments.
The idea of employing pretty women
for bill collectors looks feasible, but it
would not work. The delinquent debt
ors would all want them to call again.
Somerville Journal.
The question of department is not an
unimpoItant one. A man always looks
better who carries himself we'll than
when two or more friends are trying, to
carry m.-Philadelphia Times.
| He talkei of love in cottage,
| 1t was his fondest dream; 49,
But he forgot the awful expense
| or heating it by steam.
| Chicago Inter-Ocean.
| Physician ian-"Considering the weak
state of your eyes, it will be as well IL
you gaze as much as possible into empty
space" Patient -"All right, then; I'll
keep looking into my purse. ."-Blumen-
lese.
Yapsley-"Miss Passay seemed Offend
ed at you last evening. What did you
saya" Mudge-"Blessed If know. /
only asked her if she didn't dread having
to wear hoops again. Indianapolis
Journal.
~ thought the Millions were going to
give large party" "They were, but
water pipe broke in the house. "
"Couldn't it be mendedl" ''Yes, but
the plumber took the house as part pay. "
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Flora-s.Why does Mrs. Mintor
Worcester invariably wear white thii
season2" Dora-"Oh, hadn't you heard
that her $4,000 vase was brokena And
white, you know, Is the mourning color
for China. y Vogue.
Wife-"Oh, George, the water pipe
is leaking and the water is spelling the
new hall carpet. Go aud get plumber,
auicki" Husband-s'That's all right,
my dear; let it go; it's cheaper to get q
new carpet. ."-Harvard Lampoon.
Cook ION the day after hor arrival)--
"Please, mum, I'm bit fiery at times,
and when Pm fiery I'm apt to be bit
rough spoken; but you needn't let that
put you about-with little present you
can allus bring me round again. Fit
Bits.
Mistress-''Now, Jane, clear away the
breakfast dishes aud then look after the
children. Pm gcing around the corner
to have dress fitted" Faithful
"Yes, mum. VIII ye take the night key
or shall set up for yef-Texas Sift-
ings.
New Boy--"There's man outside as
acts as if he owned the place. Agent
-"Tell him I'm out. later Wha
did he saya" New Boy" That if you
couldn't stay here and attend to business
he would get an agent who would. -
New YORK Sun.