davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
Virgiuia FREE gress.
". ". b. GALLAHER. Editor.
Chariesto,on, Jefferson County, West Va
Mnu of. fS03.
Humorous.


Miss Winterbloom Visiting Mrs. Slim
son)-What beautiful silver you have, and
so heavy, too.
Willie Slimson You'd think so if You
had to tote it over from the neighbors.
Mammals Boy-If the governor hadn t
thrown away so much money advertising
his vulga wetail shop wouldn't be won
dering now how to exist on $4,000 yeah.
Trustee-No, you'd probably be kept by
the county.
Wild-eyed Mani want some soothing
syrup, quick
Druggist-What sized bottle?
Wild eyed Man-Bottlel want keg
It's twins
81 suppose" said the man who had just
been let out of Jail, ''the warden meant to
be kind, bu; he wasn't exactly thoughtful" "
"What did he say"
"He wished me many happy returns of
the day"
In this country dynamite is used to start
showers. Abroad bombs filed with it are
exploded to put a stop to the reign.
Watts-You say that you can't tell me who
is in with you on this little wheat deal of
yours?
Potts-No, indeed. It's something 1
....,,I l,,'t o,,o, fo1I ,,,,. .xifa
Watts-That's nothing. You have told
me lots of things you would not tell your
wife.
Little Efic-"Do you love me very much,
mammal"
Mamma IA widow)-"Yes, my darling"
Little Efie-"Then, why don't you mar
ry the man at the candy store?"
"i hear you are going to marry Miss
Bullion. should think you would marry
Goldie Sterling; she is just as rich and
much younger"
"Yes, my dear boy, but Miss Billions
papa is much older"
''How old are you, my little man? 2" asked
a gentleman Of tot who was less than four
years of age.
"rm not DID," was the indignant reply.
I'm almost new"
Young Mr.. Fitts-What are you smiling
at, dear?
Mrs. Fitts-I was Just thinking how you
used to sit and hold my hand for an hour
at time, before we were married. How
silly you were?
Mr.. Fitts-I wasn't silly at all. / held
your hand to keep you away from the piano.
Old Gentleman-whatw would you like to
be when you grow up?
Boyd like to be bricklayer.
That's commcndable ambition. Why
would YOU like to be bricklayer?"
"'Cause there's so many days when brick
layers can't work"
A schoolmasler endeavoring to make clear
to his young pupils minds the meaning Of
the word Slowly" He walked across the
room in the manner the word Indicated
"Now, children tell me how / walked"
One little fellow who sat near the front
of the room almost paralyzed him by blurt-
ing out "Bow legged"
Stranger-Seems to me this is a dead
town?
Editor-It is.
Slrauger-How do you manage to make
a living out Of it?
Fditor-I'm coroner
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
Youthful Champion.

The Dutchess of Sutherland, besides be-
ing pretty, highly educated aud a great
traveller, i famous for her benevolent work
in the East End of London, where she has
established nigbt-schools, reading rooms
and regular entertainments for the poor in
which many titled ladies take part. The
New York Tribune says she is almost idol.
lied by the gamins of London. Once she
found champion among them in an un-
expected manner.
A ragged barefooted boy crossing
sweeper, had dotted his cap to the Duchess
in the hope of recognition, when he observ-
ed A welI-dressed but rakish-looking man
following her across the street, as if trying
to force upon her attentions that were evi:;
IDENTIFY obnoxious to her. There was look
of distress on the Duchess face.
"Scuse me, lady," said Il bcy's voice be-
side her, shall punch is 'ead ?"
She turned, looked down angriIy upon
the little sweeper, and then said, smiling
"Why, it's Jennie"
She had remembered his name, after all,
and at that moment the boy was hers, body
and soul. Without waiting for another
word he dashed of and turned sort OF
violent "cart-wheel" so airoitly calculated
that he landed with two very muddy feet
right in the middle of the offensive mans
waistcoat
Then, before the man could recover from
the shock, the boy had slapped him with
one muddy hand across the mouth, and
with the other hand deposited handful OF
the filthy compound on the back of his
neck.
The next moment the boy was in ;he
grasp of policeman, who dragged him
away to the nearest police station. He WIS
just being charged by the constable with
having committed an assault when the
Duchess entered She spoke kindly to the
gamin, and then explained the affair to the
inspector on duty.
At her request the boy was set at liberty,
and he only staid long enough to say to the
Inspector:
"It's the lady what nursed me when the
cab ran over me leg"
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

A certain woman in Cincinnati. says the
Enquirer Of that city, formerly at the head
of the most fashionable school in Cincin-
natl, had an experience in financial matters
which the bank is still chuckling over. She
oyerdrew her account twenty-five dollars
and was duly notified by the bank Of that
fact. Surprised, she called at the bank and
told them she would look over the checks
and see how the mistake occurred. a week
went by and she was again notified by the
bank. She wrote a verg nice letter to them
apologizing for her remissness, and inclosed
check for twenty-five dollars on the same
bank just as if that would cancel her in
debtedness.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

Johnny Gibbs is youthful philosopher.
He believes that life would be simpli6ed IL
people would be content TO do one thing at
a time.
The other day Johnny was hard at work
with paper and pencil. His mother looked
over his shoulder
"why, Johnny" che exclaimed, your
spelling is perfectly dreadful. Look at
that-'siting in chare' I'm ashamed Of
you"
"But, mamma" said the little boy. reas-
suringly, "this isn't a spelling lesson. It's
a composition"
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

A few years ago Boston physician en-
countered romance in his own family
which excited his amusement. says the Ma.
hoqany Tree An aged relative, woman Of
eighty. eight, married man a few years her
junior. Il was love match. DIR. c. found
much food for reflection in the romance
Some time afterward lie met DR.. Holmes,
and, in course Of a chat as they walked
down Beacon street. he related the incident
to the Autocrat Of the Breakfast Table. 1t
amused him immensely. He chuckled over
il in various tones of voice until he reached
his own door. He bade DR.. c. good night
and started up the steps. Suddenly he turn
ed back and called "0h, by the the way.
doctor, one moment" DR.. q. turned back
and Holmes came down the steps again
81 have been intensely interested In that
little tale" be said. slowly. "Of course, at
their age, thay didn't have any children /;
but, tell me, did they have any grandchil-
dren ?"
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
T'irginia fret grtss
TERMS:

E6~rHE FREE PRESS is published weekly al
r,s0 Dollars Per Annian i paid ia adrancs
r8-The terms Of advertising are, for square
one-inch) or less, One Dollar and FIfly Cents
or three einsertions-larger ones in the same
proportion. Each continuance FV,y Cents.
H3-NO advertisement 20 be considered by
The month or year unless specified on the man
lscript or previously agreed between the par
ties
G6- An advertisement not marked on the
copy FOR a specified number Of insertions will
be continued until ordered out, and payment
viii be eNacted accordingly.
~ REGULAR ADvERrIsENENrs.- avoid
any misunderstanding on the part of the an
nual advertisers 10 is proper 20 state distinctly
that their privilege only extends % their i'm
mediate business. Real Estate Legal or other
advertisements sent By them 20 be an addition
al charge and no variation.
EaS-Obituary notices of more than FIVE lines
viii be charged for
JOE WORK. Posters. sale Bills. Circulars.
Cards, etc, executed promptly neatly and az
fair prices.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
A Hundred Years to Come.

Wouldn't you like to live until the year
A. d 2000, just to see the people and the
world generality Who knows but you
might, if you observe the laws Of health,
and keep the Stomach, Liver and Bowels
in full action. The best medicine known
for this is Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets
They are small, gar.coated granules, but
powerful to cure; produce no nausea or
gripping; easy TO take. aud sure cure for
biIiousness, constipation. headache, and
diseases produced by an inactive liver. A
convenient vest pocket remedy.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

Iwel remember the advice received by a
friend who consulted old DR.. n, skilful
physician, but of rough exterior. The COM
plant my friend made was, "All run down
and need some kind of a tonic or spring
medicine" says writer in Shooting and
Fishing.
Bang the medicine" exclaimed the old
doctor, you just get out of doors in the
fresh air and walk five miles every day"
My friend said he would rather pay the
doctor than take his advice. He did take
the advice, however, and went fishing for
two weeks, keeping out in the fresh air and
sunshine all the time. He walked to the
Office in the morning. He caught the
shooting fever, and commenced target
shooting. running 100 yards down to the
target several times nearly every afternoon
during the spring; and when he met the
old doctor few weeks later, he acknowl-
edged that medicine was not needed.
1t is now the time when many people,
who have been confined in the hali-baked,
unhealthy atmosphere Of the Office, store or
shop, all winter, should take an airing, and
the old doctors advice to "Bang the medi-
cine and walk FIVE miles day in the open
air." may be followed with both pleasure
and profit.
The good effects ofpurc air and pure wa
ter are permanent and lasting and at no
time does the worn.out brain worker need
rest, recreation and the good effects of out
door life more than in the spring. Angling
is a great incentive to outdoor exercise, and
may be followed with good results
Whether the creel be full or not matters
little so long as enough are caught to afford
lite. diversion which may tempt the au-
gler to go again To those who are not
situated so that they may angle, ] would
say, take the other part Of the advice,
"Walk FIVE miles day" Then there will
be little need Of medicine.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

1t is composed of the purest Norwegian Cod
Liver Oil, combined with the Hypoph Osphites
of Lime and Soda. and is freely prescribed by
the Medical Faculty throughout this Coun-
try and in Europe
Prof G. B. Wood University Pennsylvania
says God Oil far exceeds all other
remedies on the treatment of Pulmonary Con-
sumption"
Prof Churchill of Paris, says when
used in time, every patient may be cured Of
Pulmonary Consumption by the use of Hypo-
phosphites.'
DR.. S. II. Hudnall, of Virginia, says II
find Camn S Emulsion particularly adapted to
delicate children. and in Consumption and
Chronic Bronchitis il seems TO be the great de-
sideratum."
DR.. S. c. Gleaves, Ex-President Virginia
Medical Association, says II believe Camm's
Emulsion is the best preparation known for
pulmonary diseases"
Dr. +. Mason, West Virginia, says
with children, Camm's Emulsion is the best
preparation have ever used"
DR.. F. P. Bibby Pontatoc Miss, says -
"Camm's Emulsion is the best combination
for Consumption with which l am acquain-
ted"
Dr.I. r. Bratton. Yorkville. S. c., says
Decided and satisfactory results must follow
the use of Camms Emulsion"
Rev. II. II. Halves. of Farmville, Va, says:
II lived on Camm's Emulsion for three
months, and am almost prepared to say l owe
my life TO it,"
Mrs. J. C. Dabney, Lynchburg, Va, says
Until I tried Camm's Emulsion l failed to
hnd any preparation of Cod-Liyer Oil my stom-
ach would retain, taken in the smallest guam
tity."
The above are a few Of the hundreds of testi-
monials We have of the superiority of Camm's
Emulsion over all similar preparations sold.
II is manufactured of the best materials and
with great care. and is universally popular
wherever known. For sale by Druggists eve
rywhere.
Camm's Emulsion retails at One Dollar.
T. A. CRAIGHILL & CO.,
Wholesale Druggists, Manufacturers and Pro-
prietoIs.
P. o. Lock Drawer 622. Lynchburg, Va.
Dec. 2l, 1892.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

A Detroit boy uses slang and his ia
ther doesn't ike it. The other day the
boy was talking.
"You say" interrupted the father,
"that Jones was fired ?"
"Yes, sir"
Don't you mean dischargedi"
"Yes, sir"
Then why not say so! A gun is
fired. not man."
"Well," said the boy, stumped for
moment, Jones was son Of gun |
heard the old man say SC" and the IA
ther retired in modification.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

See our great stock Of boys spring suits.
The largest and most complete display we
have ever made Beautiful patterns, fash
ionahly made, moderate in price, at Kahn's,
SadIer building.
Our new stock OF boys and children's
suits is perfect in every respect. Faultless
in fit; fashionable weaves attractive de-
signs Our prices are under the market
WM. kahn, Sadler Building.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
The Story Of The Millennium.

A fascinating picture Of the possibilities
of future development on the earth and Of
the condition of mankind in the ten thou
saudth century, when interplanetary COM
municaiion has been established and the
dream of the ages" become q reality, Is
one of the special features Of Democrats
Family Magazine for June. 1t is compiled
from the records of the Optimists' Club, an
organization established for foreielling the
future of the world and the unique illustra-
tions tell the story as vividly as the words.
II one admires pictures Of handsome wom-
en,-and who does not lover score Of
them may be seen in the same number, H.
lustraiing Society Leaders Of Indiana
In Familiar Talks on the Different Schools
of Art" we are introduced 10 the Venetian
and Spanish painters and many Of their
most noted works. "The French Embassy
and the European Legations" are treated OF
in superbly illustrated article. The Di-
AIRY of an Athletic Girp' tells all about ten.
mis- teas and tennis dresses from "a Cara
van Outing" one learns about the newest
and most charming way Of spending va.
cation; and if the suggestions in Summer
Furnishing" and "The Guest Room" are
carried out one may be sure Of having an
attractive home for the hot weather. The
story of "A Victim of the Bargain Coun-
ter will appeal to many victim; the 9TH
er stories are all good, and the numerous
departments repete with helpful matter
Demorest's always contains plenty to inter
est every member of the family; and is
published for only 81 year, by w. Jen-
nings Demorest, is East lith St., New York.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24


The May issue Of the Southern States
magazine contains a number Of interesting
articles about North Carolina. Governor
Elias Carr writes about the State in gener-
al, summrrizing its resources and the pres
elt state of material development. DIR. II.
b. Battle director of the North Carolina
Experiment Station, contributes an ex-
haustive article on the climate Of North
Carolina, with several striking illustrations
representing characteristic climatic condi-
tions. The State geologist, Prof ]. A.
Holmes, writes about the mineral resources
of the State, giving much interesting infor-
nation about the economic geology. Pres
ident George T. Winston, Of the University
Of North Carolina, contributes an article on
education in North Carolina, dealing with
the influences tha, have been largely instru.
mental in bringing North Caro- ina TO its
present position of eminence among the
Southern States. w. w. Ashe, Of the North
Carolina Geological Survey, contributes a
brief paper on the forest resources Of the
State. H. +. Harman, editor Of the South
era 7bbqcco Journal, is the writer Of an in
teresting article on tobacco culture in North
Carolina, which is illustrated with several
characteristic views in tobacco fields and
factories. This issue Of the magazine also
contains beautifully illustrated article en-
titled "Iu the Louisiana Sugar Belt, which
treats in very interesting manner the
great sugar industry Of Louisiana. The
Southern States magazine is developing rap.
idly into popular Southern monthly and
shows much literary and artistic merit
The current issue appears with handsome
new cover design and the articles are pro.
fusely illustrated with high class OF en-
cravings. It's published by the Manufac-
turerss Record Publishing Company Of
Baltimore, Nd, at $3.50 per year,
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

Lr.r or srnssaS crsEs rRieEa
1-Feyers, Congestions Inhammations. I'd
2-Worms, Worm Fever, Worm Collie. .25
3-Teeth.ag; Collie Crying Wakefulness .25
4-Dinrrhea, OF Children or Adults. I'd
5-Dysentery, Gripping, Bilious Colic.... I'd
6-Cholera MOrbus, Vomiting ......... I'd
5-Coughs, Colds. Bronchitis. ............. 20
S-Neuralgia, Toothache. Faceache. .... I'd
9-Hcnd daches, Sick Headache, Vertigo. .25
1O-Dyspepsia, Biliousness Constipation .25
II-Supprcsscd or Pninful Periods. rs
I2-Whites, Too Profuse Periods ......-. .2J
13-Croup, Luryngitis, HosrseneSs.... .25
I4-Snlt Rheum, Eryspelas. Eruptlons. I'd
I5-Rheumatism. or Rheumatic Pains. I'd
I6-Malnria, Chills. Fever and Ague.... s23
I7-Piles. Blind or Bleeding. ......-..- %
IS-Ophthalmy, Sore or Weak Eyes,. I'd
I9-Catnrrh, Influenza, Cold in the Head ID
20-Whooping Cough.................-.. .29
2I-Asthma, Oppressed Breathing........ 20
22-Ear Discharges Impaired Hearing ID
23-Scrofula, Enlarged Glands. swelling %
24-Genernl Debility, Physical weakness I'd
25-Dropsy, and Scanty SecTetions....... 20
26-SeR-sickness. Sickness from Riding 20
27-Kidney Diseases s.................... I'd
29-SOrc Mouth, or Canker. .............. I'd
3O-Urinary Weakness, Wetting Bed. 30
31-Pninful Periods. .......... %
31-Diphtheria, liberated Sore Throat. .20
35-Chronic COngestiOns Eruptions. .25
EXTRA NUMBERS:
2s-Nervous Debility, Seminal Weak
ness, or Involuntary Discharges. .....1 go
22-Diseases of the Heart. Palpitation 90
33-EpilcpBy, Spasms, ST. Viius Dance. LOO
Sold BY Druggists or posi-?.d ree,lr Of price
pa HuxPHRsvs MAsuAL iH pnsesl NAILED TEEs
HUMPHREYS MED. CO.. III AHA William St., New Tori.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
N C. GREEN,
ATTORNEY ArLAK.

C,arlesio'cl, Jefferson County, Wes. Virginia,
VIII practice in the Courts Of Jefferson, Berke.
lev and Morgan counties, in the United States
District Court at Martinsburg, and in the Su-
preme Court Of Appeals of West Virginia
Special attention to the collection Of claims,
and prompt remittances Of the same.
Office opposite Courthouse.
Aug. g. 1880.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
THE MILD POWER CURES.
HUI M PH r EYS'

DR.. Humphrey Specifies are scientinea1y and
carefully prepared Remedies, used lor years ~
private practice and for over thirty years by the
people with entire success. Every single Specinc
q epecial cure for the disease named
They cure without drugging, pursing or reducing
the SYSTEM and are In fact and deed the Sovereign
Remedies Of tho World.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

EMULSION
VIII POSITIVELY ARREST CONSUME
TION
If used in time

Cures Scrofula, Glandular Swellings, Rheuma-
tism, Bronchitis and other Lung Diseases.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
Mayors Notice.

All owners or occupants Of property lying
within the corporate limits Of Charles Town
are hereby notified to clean their premises
thoroughly at once, as an inspector will be
sent TO examine the same in short time.
GUSTAV BROWN,
April 10. 1895. Mayor
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24
PoH DySpEPsrk.

lndiccsfion. and e,omnrh disorder teke
BROWS's IRON BJJTEits-
Al dealers keep IT, 81 pcy tssfie- Genuine has
trzdc yfarx E-t crossld rel i.rcs or yrsrPl,
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-05-24

Sold by Druggists, sent postpaid on reeert Of price
pa HuxPHRsrs MAsUAL ii4 rhses.l NAILED FREE
HUHPHREYs' MID. CO.. III AHA William St., New Tork.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1893-03-23

| There are three thousand post offices in
! the state of New York. There now seems
TO be growing fear in the breasts of the
Hill and Murphy followers, that these
offices and many others will be handled
with view to breaking dowa their ascen-
dency in the political affairs of the Empire
state. There are many things to indicate
that they have just reason for this anxiety,
II is evident that up to date the anti-snap-
pers have mud things their own way in that
state The appointment of Bissell as post
master general and the official recognition
accorded such men as Whitney and Max
be little doubt but what they show forth
well defined purpose to break down the
power of the Hill Murphy combine
in New York. This in itself, is
laudable thing. A more corrupt
and thoroughly disreputable political com
blnation does not exist in the whole coun-
Try. Any policy that would deprive it of
its power, would for that very reason. be
for the public good. If the President Is
really moving in that direction he is emit
tied to the encouragement of all citizens who
are opposed to Tammany methods and the
Tammany style of politics. 1t is evident,
however, that Senators Hill and Murphy are
getting themselves into position To contest
the progress of any such movement. The fact
that they have secured positions upon the
judiciary post offices. post roads and com
meroe commi,tees--plaees undoubtedly
solicited by them. is full of significance.
It affords them vantage ground from which
TO fight the chief executive in the distribu-
ton of federal patronage in New York
state. should they decide to make open war
upon him. 1t is evident that they have a
large following in the Senate, following
that is reasonably sure of receiving many
additions rs the number of senatorial sore
heads increases. There are evidently some
interesting times ahead. and the indications
now are that we shall not have long to wait
for them.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1893-03-23
Converted to Agriculture.

When quite a small hoy had great de.
SIRE to become a preacher. L sed to hold
meetings in large, hollow stump, with my
little playmates for hearers. After the
close of meeting one day, an old aunt, who
was listening. said it was announced
There will be a meeting here next Monday,
as sure AS the devil stands on his feet
Then | wanted to be school teacher and
wanted me to be farmer, so he gave me
ill the grass seed could cut and save from
the corners of fences, and from the threslied
grain gave me small plot of ground in
the garden on which to raise anything
pleased gave me colt and pair of calves
to train. He never gave me dollar 10
pend in my own way, but allowed me to
have all the proceeds of my labor.
Thus became interested in farming and
gardening abandoned preaching theoreti-
cally. but have tried all my life to
preach from texts drawn from prac-
teal experience; and now. ut little
over threescore anil ten. a paralytic, still
take great delight in all rural occupations.
or seeing them going on. To keep children
at home on the farm, give them the use OF
small plots of ground to be titled themselves
and give them the entire products thereof
be il grain. vegetables, seeds or flowers
give them colt or calf, pig or lamb. one or
two domestic fowls; let them have entire
control, and the proceeds or income thereof
and my word for it there will be fewer dis
contents on the old farm, and better class
of practical farmers, gardeners and house.
keepers.-Corr. Michigan Farmer.