Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1893-12-22
A CASE OF MISFIT
That Caused the Senate Doorkeepers Con-
siderable Trouble
A Problem of How to Put Three Fa,
Men Into Three Seats Occupied
by Three Lean Men.

1t is not often that the soul OF a govern
ment official is tried SO sorely as was that
of certain doorman employed to care for
the preservation of peace and good order in
one of the Senate galleries the other day.
He passed through an ordeal that, while it
may have been enlightening, was calculated
to destroy his faith in the kindness OF Prov
idence and the sufficiency of his months
pay. To understand the situation perfectly
it will be necessary to tell a bit Of recent
history. During the debate on the silver re-
peal bill the crowds in tie galleries became
so great and the danger of disturbance so
imminent that an order was issued to the
doorkeepers to allow no persons in the gal
leries after all the seats had been filled. As
soon as the last pew had received its full
quota the doors were closed. and lines were
formed outside in the corridors.
The necessity for the strict enforcement
of this regulation has been apparent since
the beginning of the present session and
the commencement of the bombardment of
the President and his Hawaiian policy. On
Monday last, when the message on the un-
successful effort of the administration to
give dusky lady a seat was read in the
Senate, the galleries were packed soon after
the opening of the doors. and the strings Of
humanity began to stretch down the halls.
The One Out and One I'm Plan.
Once in while some man within would
grow tired of the performance and would
edge out Of his pew and thence into the cor
ridor Immediately the doorkeeper would
let in the man at the head of the line. 1t
was a splendid system. and everybody was
happy, for the rule of first come first sery-
ed {" Was STRICTLY fornad In bo.,r boI ',
hour. however. something dreadful happen-
ed. Three men sitting together in a front
pew in one OF the galleries arose and de-
parted
This of itself was an innocent fact. The
subsequent act of the doorkeeper was Of
itself innocent also. He merely tailed the
first three of the waiting citizens, and let
them in the gallery. The misfortune how
ever, lay in the fuxtaposition of the two
facts The doorkeepcr was blandly explain
ing the "one-out-one-in" rule to an iraie
newcomer, when there arose a smothered
commotion from inside. The voice of a man
was heard rising in protest against some
body who was trying to accomplish some
thing. The doorkeeper opened the door and
looked in. He saw the Official whose duty
II Is to sit inside the gallery endeavorfng
to lead a red-faced stout man from the pew
on the front row. Then the doorkeeper real
lied his terrible mistake.
A Difference I'm Size.
A Hash of memory told him that the three
men who had just left the gallery were ex-
ceptionally thin. The aggregate space oc-
cupied by them was not much more than
would suffice for the accommodation of two
men Of the ordinary size. The red-faced
STOUT party. who was protesting against
his ejectment. was only one of three of a
KIND. HIS two companions, strange to say.
were all in the heavyweight class Two of
| Saf iebs
by the three thin men in the front row. and
mere was the third unprovided for
Inc doorkeeper and the inner watchman
heid hurried consultation. The perspiring
Nlcunn OF circumstances was given a brief
respite. The doorkeeper argued that ac-
cordlng to the ''one-out-one-in" rule the
third fat man was clearly entitled to remain
In the gallery. He was for a strict con-
struction of the law. The watchman con-
tended that the rule only contemplated "a
seat-for-a-seat' style of admissions m the
third man had the misfortune to be a mis-
III ne hao no right in the gallery.
A Case of Mfsat.
But" urged the doorkeeper who felt a
moral responsibility for the safety and COM
fort Of the man he had admitted. ..how are
we 10 Know which Of the three men is the
misfit?'
"hy' the man who is standing is surely
the one" The watchman was firm.
Il do not think that he should suffer for
the weight of his companions, or for their
greed in getting into the pew first" Tbe
doorkeeper was staunch.
But he was the third in the line uas ,a
not! The watchman was persistent
true, out let them in as a batch" The
doorkeeper stood by his policy.
but what about the rule that no one shall
pe aiIoWed 10 stand in the galleries." The
waterman fell back on his heavy hatfer-x
HoW ABOUT the rule that am to let one
man IN for one that goes out?' The door
Keeper advanced his cavalry.
why not wait until the next man leaves
@ @.ne gailery and give this man that seat?''
Ihe watchman was growing suggestive
because Ia have to let another man in
con scientious was
Lets call Jonas" The watchman was
Wiling TO compromise.
Satisfactorily Adjusted.
so the dispute was referred to Mr.. Jonas.
the assistant sergeant-at-arms of the SEN
ate' man well versed in diplomacy and
mathematics. Mr.. Jonas arrived and stusiaa
the case carefully for a few minutes He
measured the two fat men In the front new
with his eye. and sized up the anxious in
dividual sitting in the aisle Then he went
down and looked into a pew in another seq
ton Of the gallery. Finally a smile lighted
up his worried face, and he executed a mas
terly movement
First he led the fat man down - . -.
on the other end of the gallery. Then he
piucked middle-sized man in that seat by
the arm and led him to still another scar IN
ailother rowThe fat man was squeezed down
lnto tne seat thus vacated. The middle
sized man was exchanged for a thin young
inan, who was in turn put into a third new;
phere thefe was just a little spare room
ana at last everybody was happy
Jonas the doorkeeper and the watcbman
were talking IL over afterward. and it W.
agreed that for intricacy and Complication
the problem that had just been solved went
iar beyond the old hen and a hair conun-
Drum, and could give points to the famous
Chinese puzzle.
for