The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-09-01
1T WAS A ssGUM GAME"
How Saloon Keeper Was Imposed Upoi
by Supposed Would-Be-Suicides.

How Saloon Keeper Was Imposed Upon
by Supposed Would-Be-suicides.
Sergeant, mebbe 1 doan' understand
how it vhas exactly said Mr. Dunder
as he called at the police station the other
day with look of anxiety on his counte-
nance.
fHow was that?" queried the SER
geant.
"About those suicides. vhas it my
peesness if somebody suicides?''
"Tell your story
.'Vhell, stranger comes in my place
und looks sorrowful und homesick.
Poorly soon he says to me:
s. Mr.. Dunder, she vhas no use. 1
make big fight but 1 vhas beaten.
hat made COP my mind to shuttle off some
mortal coils. vhas going TO die right
here and now, und I like to say gootby to
you who vhas always aeferbody's friend.
Farewell, oldt mani
''Vhell, dot scares me, you know. l
doan' like nobody to suicide in my place
und hat some big pieces in der paper, und
so speak softly to him und git him
glass OF beer und feefty cents und get him
oudt. Der very next day dot second
man comes in und sits down und throws
his hat on der floor und says:
- Carl Dunder, my wife, shildren,
home und fortune vhas swept away und
doan' like to live any longer. Please gif
me a private room in which to expire.
und mebbe you vhas so goot as to see dot
my grave vhas kept green -
81 see,' said the sergeant.
"Vheu, 1 can't gift dot man no private
room ind doan' like a coroner TO. come
around so | fill him oop und git him some
change und he goes away happy. He says
if he dies he Will bless me. Was dot
like you expected?"
ssYes. What else?'
der next day dot third man come. He
vhas slim man, und he vhas weeping.
some shildren. BY und by he looks oop
und says:
Sc Mr.. Dunder, vhas some wrecks on
dot sea of life. 1t vhas no more use to
struggle against adversely. | make a
goot fight, but vhas licked. Please gift
me some water dot / may take poison,
und bid dis world last adieuI'
ssDo I want some dead mans lying
about nit all dose reporters rushing in 10
put it in der papers? No. speaks to dot
man VERY kindly, ind pats him on der
shoulder, und in ten minutes he drinks
some beer, und takes feefty cents ind
says he will go by his brother in Buffalo
| to expire. Was dot right?''
Ibid a fourth man come?''
eyes, und a fifth und a sixth. l shust
get dot sixth mau oudt doors before /
come away. He vhas fat man und it
takes a quart of beer und seexty cents be-
fore he says he will struggle some
more nit dis cold world"
| ssMr. Dunder, you have been played
again, - said the sergeant.
s'Vhas 1 tooken for greenhorns und
hayseeds by dose men?'
"Exactly.'
"Und nobody vhas going to expire in
my hous?''
It's wonder somebody doesn't beat you
| out of your shirt. | have talked and
HSergeant, interrupted Mr.. Dunder,
as he sprang up, 81 vhas going home"
ssWell?''
| .sPooty oueek after vhas home man
Will come und look tired und weary ind
discouraged. He Will take out some
white powder in paper und say to me:
sc Mr.. Dunder leetle water, please. l
can't fight dis world no more. vhas GO
| ing to dot land where eafrybody vhas an
angel nit wings, und sings all day long.
Please see dot my legs vhas Strengthened
oudt in der coffin, und dot hold rose
in my hand.
"He Will say dot to me. Sergeant, und
do you know how I shall perform?
Will spring on him like an elephant.
Will catch him oop Dy der neck und flop
/ him dis vhay ind dot vhay around like
dis, and Will run him to dot door und
| kick him seventeen times nit both feet
at oncel Dot vhas some gum games, Ell?
| 1 vhas greenhorns, vhas II You keep
quiet. Ii you hear somebody cry for
mercy, don't come up NIT der patrol
wagon. You Will know it vhas only me
helping dose weary pilgrims to shuttle OF
dose mortal coils und become angels Sc
uueek dot dey don't hat time to say
gootby ."-Detroit Free Press.