St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1893-09-02

! Great Would Not he LII
| beled-The Irony of Fate, Etc, Etc.
HOW 1T is DONE.
'Is it possible to make two out of
onc?"
"Oh, yes; the divorce court does it
frequently"
THE RESERVATION.
ado you tell your wife evcrything?'
"Everything about others, but not
about myself. - New York Press.
GREAT APPETITE.
II had three invitations to lunch to-
day." said Oscar.
(which did you accept?' asked his
mother.
GAIL" returned Oscar, proudly
Judge.
WOULD NOT BE LIBELED.
The Doctor-You are very badly run
down, Felix. Do you know that!
Felix-By who, docther? OIL allow
no wan t. talk behoind me back widout
maxim thin prove livery wur-rud thot's
bin sed, DIN not.-[Judge.
THE IRONY OF FATE.
Sinnick-Did you hear about poor
Kindley?
Quidney-No. What about him.
Sinnick-Why, only twelve months
ago he invested all his money in a new
invention and built large factory, and
last night fire broke out and burned it
to the ground, walls and all.
Quidney-Poor beggar! By the way,
what line was he in2
Sinnicl1-Patent tireproof building
materials. Il Yankee Blade.
PROUD FATHER.
Forrester-What's the matter with
Jones? He never speaks to body now.
Lancaster-Of course not. Their
new baby weighed fifteen pounds
Life.
THE WAY THEY TELL.
Mrs. Trimfoot- These shoes don't fit
me at all
Mr.. Trimfoot-Why, they look all
right.
Mrs. Trimfoot We'll, they don't fit,
anyway. I've had them on over an hour,
and they haven't hurt in the least
Puck.
THE WRONG HINT
Lady Ito a gentleman who has the oh
noAious habit of putting his mouth close
to your face when talking)- smoke
bad tobacco, monsieur!
Gent (astonished and smiling)-I .
Why. | never smoke.
Lady-Then perhaps you had BETTER
Esprit des Autres.
DIDN'T KNOW IT.
"But you were we'll off before you were
married."
Eyes; but didn't know it, Life.
FUNERAL CoURrsuIP.
Mrs. Church-Do you think the young
rector's attentions are serious?
Annie Church-Well, l should say so.
So serious, indeed, that feel like crying
the whole time I'm talking with him.
Puck.
A FORTIoRI
Primus--Ben Buffers brain weighed
more than DAniel Webstcr's. | always
knew he was a great statesman.
Secundus-Yes. By the way, what a
pity the wo-headed boy doesn't enter
politics. i Judge.
HE WAS TENDERF0OT
''Are you fond of music - he asked.
Sometimes" was the answer
II have some duets in my trunk. Can
any of you sing at sight?'
''No, but we can shoot at sight -
Washington Star.
DAY OF ENJOYMENT.
Mr.. Gabber-Where is Mrs Gabber2
Servant-Somebody told her an impor-
liant secret this morning and she has
been out all day going from house to
house visiting her friends. i New York
Press.
WATCHFUL TO THE END.
II hear the editor died with his
boots on?'
"Yes, he knew the town too well to
pull 'em off."-[ Atlanta Constitution.
she-How high is that big Ferris
wheel at the Worlds Fair Henry?
He-I don't know exactly but not any
thing like the prices in the swell restau-
rants not far away New York Sun
ALL SPOILED.
Mrs. Tittle-Did you have a good
time at the sewing circle this after
uoon?
Mrs. Tattle-No, a miserable time. 1t
was awful dull
Mrs. Title - Wasn't anything said
about how Mrs. Blazer has been carry
ing on?
Mrs. Tattle No. She was mean
enough to be there herself, and, of
course, the pleasure we had all looked
forward to was spoiled. Strange how
people can be so selfish. Boston Tran
script.
A SUMMER SIGN.
Though signs of Summer that perplex
May often come to hand.
The ice cream sign is one that all
The lasses understand
Washington Star.
A COMMON WORD.
"Did you ever notice." said Hicks,
chow men and women get hold of some
single word, which they use on every
nnSsihle occasion2n