Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-09

But while the weathers as it is,
He wants that little cool.
st. Louis Star-Sayings.
What is a confidence man, pa
pa?" "A man unworthy of conf
dence. New York Press.
1t won't be long until the coal
dealers victims find him lying in
weight for them once more.--Buffalo
Courier.
Ten Broke -"Why do you call
that your poker chalrP" Miss
Dashing-"Because it has so often
pair. Truth.
The Wife-"You are poor ex-
cuse for a man." The husband
81 must be, my dear, if married
you to get better half" Truth.
When the suspicious man sees
balloon sailing away toward the
clouds he is justified in thinking
there was something up.-Troy
Press.
Miss Pedagogue Name the
principle parts of the verb to mar
ry." Young Miss Wabash-"To
marry, married, divorced. ."-Chica-
go Record.
The cobbler who posts sign,
"Shoes mended while you wait,
casts an involuntary reflection on
the prosperity of all his customers.
-Somerville Journal.
"And you are poor?" "Yes, but
we are happy Happy in your
poverty?" "Yes, for everybody
around us is poorer than ourselves.
New York Press.
First lawyer-Do you know old
Misery is dead? Second lawyer-No;
is he? What did he die of? First
lawyer-Heartf failure. Second law
yer-Ah, trying to find itself, |
suppose Brooklyn Eagle.
1T beats me-" said Meandering
Mike, who had struck summer re-
sort. "What does?" asked Plod-
ding Pete. Those people that
comes hundreds of miles to get a
bath. Boston Journal.
Miss Sweetly-"I bought one of
the wells that are so thickly dotted
| can scarcely see, and | look like a
fright in it, don't ~" Miss Tartly
-"Oh, no; it almost conceals your
face. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Fizzleum-I went home full the
other night, and had the greatest
difficulty in finding the keyhole.
Squizzleum-I can always find a
dozen when 60 home in that con-
Automatically Eagle.
"Tbis baby of yours seems pretty
solid," said Hankinson, holding
Tompkins' baby up in his arms.
"Of course, he is" retorted Tomp-
kins; did you think he was plat
ed?"-Harper's Bazaar.
"There, knew something was in
the wind" said the western farmer,
sadly to himself as, through a crack
in the cellar wall, he saw his new
barn sailing along on the crest of a
cyclone.-Boston Courier.
She-"That was such a funny
story you told me yesterday about
donkey, Mr.. Griggs!" He-"Do
you think so?" She-"Yes, indeed.
After this, whenever | see donkey
it will remind me of you."-Judge.
Mrs. Boodles-"I am so glad that
Sans going to marry an old maid
Cause widows are so self-sufficient
and overbearing, and young girls
are so hoity-toity. But old maids
are kind of grateful, and willing to
please. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Minnie-"I had such a shock last
evening. Just as | started to go
into the house u great horrid man
jumped out from behind tree and
tried to kiss ME. What do you
think of that?" Mamie-"I think
he must have been crazy."-Texas
Siftings.
Artist-"Miss Brownie-Brown-
Brown, who is to marry prince,
won't let us have her photograph
for publication" Editor ---"She
won't, eh? Tell the foreman to use
one of those cuts labled Before
Taking. New York Weekly.
"Are you talking to yourself or
to the fishP" inquired the man on
horseback, refining up. "To the
fish," answered the sunburnt man
on the log, intently watching his
cork. 81 am trying to draw them
out" And he dropped them line.
Chicago Tribune.