The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
AT THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
Brother Gardner Speaks Upon Language
He Instructs Brother Watkins
in the Simple Use of Com.
prehensible Words.

de hall dis evenin', he will please step
dis way" said Brother Gardner as the
regular business of the meeting had
been disposed of.
Brother Watkins had just got settled
down with his back within eleven
inches of a redhot stove, and it was
with considerable hesitation that he
vacated his place and limped up the
aisle and stood before the presidents
desk.
"Brudder Watkins" said the presi-
dent as he looked down upon him in a
fatherly way, war yo' present one
eavenin' bout a var ago when l had
sunthin to say to lie members on de
subjeck of language9"
"I-I dun forgot, sab"
Eyes, it seems so, Brudder Watkins.
I was ober to de grocery de odder
eavenin to git fo' dozen ~clothespins an
a quart of kerosene lie. l saw yo'
dar', but yo' was too busy to see me.
Yo' had met up wild a strange niger
from Virginny, an yo' war spreadin
yo'self to make him believe yo' was de
greatest man in dis town. I had my
pencil handy, an I writ down some of
yo'r words an sentences. Kin yo' tell
me Brudder Watkins, what collation.
means?"
"N-no, sah."
"Um! In dat co~nversashun yo' used
de word 'coadjustment.' What did yo'
mean by it, Brudder Watkins|
81 doan' rekolect, sah."
Oats too bad! I heard yo' say to
him dat de audacity of de distributary
doorin de past summer led yo' to con-
coct a destination dis winter Tze
sorter GURUS to know what yo' meant.
Am we gwine to hev a hard winter, a
mild winter or July weather right frew
de cold months9"
"I-was jess talkin, sab" stammered
Brother watkins.
"Jes5 talkin, eh9 Yo' knowd dat
niger was a stranger in a strange
town an sorter skeert, and so yO'
wanted to show off! While dat pore
man 'sot dar tremblin an shakin yo'
suddenly axed him if he ebber ''fulmi-
mated a hostile impecuniosity in his
travels about de kentry.' Please ex-
plain what yo' war drivin' at Brudder
Watkins"
81 can't tell, sah."
Can't, eh9 Doorin dat conversashun
yo' made use of de words 'eventuate,'
'incinerate,' 1ogistical,' 'matriculate,'
'nutrication' an 'orthopraphical.' Kin
yo' explain de meanin of any of 'em?"
mo, sah."
"Um! Brudder Watkins, whar did
yo' git all dose big words?"
Coulter de dickshunary, sah."
"Misser Webster's dickshunaryi'
"Yes, sah."
"Has yo' got dat volume in yo'r
house2"
CT has, sab. dun bought one fur
six dollars cash."
"Hu! Yo' dun went an paid six
dollars fur a dickshunary while yo'
was OWN members of dis club ober
twenty dollars borrowed money! Yo'
am also behind on yo'r dues moas' four
dollars, an yo'r wife am borrowin tea
an sugar all ober town."
"I'ze sorry, sab" murmured Brother
Watkins, who was getting badly fright
ened by this time.
"What was yo'r objeck in buyin dat
dickshunary of Misser Webster9"
sternly demanded the president.
81 dun forgot"
"Hu! know yo'r object, Brudder
Watkins! 1t was to pick out a lot of
big words an save 'em up till a strange
niger struck dis town an den jump
him outer his butes! Look me in de
eye, sahl TIE got a few words to say
to yo', and frew yo' to all odder mem
bers of dis cIubl Tomorrer mawnin
yo' take dat dickshunary on yo'r
shoulder an go fo'th an sell it fur any
price yo' kin git. Den yo' return home
an soak yo'r head till all dem big words
float out az drap down de sewer. Den
yo' rinse outyo'r mouf wild some kyann
pepper an vinegar an begin life all
ober agin!"
Eyes, sab"
"What our race wants at dis present
time" continued Brother Gardener,
lam taters an bacon stead of gram
mar; cash to pay house rent stead of
big words; clothes an skulebooks fur
de chilren stead of spellin. We do
our whitewashin in plain English. We
doan' need any big words to help us
black a stove. We beat a ca'pet wild a
stick stead Of usin a grammar. I has