New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1893-11-26
BILLY CLAGGETT'S WANTS.


Little Billy Claggett said II he could have a dog
| for his very own he would be- happy. And as the
| great glory OF life consisted In the ownership OF a
dog little Billy Claggett never tasted the sweet
est wine OF existence throughout those early dog
| less years
But the day came when Billy owned n dog. But
still there was something the matter with Billy.
| lie not all right. There was unattainabe
star danced before him every hour. star not too
| high for him to admire. but altogether too high
| for him TO reach.
| This star. to speak less POLITICALLY but more
| graphically. was goat and a goat cart His Views
on dogs had changed IL Is reported that he said
more than once Dogs Is no good" Rachel never
mourned for her children Billy Claggett mourned
for goat and goat-cart.
And the day came when Billy got his goat and
his goat-cart The mighty powers that govern the
universe so arranged the great cosmic machinery
from the beginning OF time that II turned out the
vent BIllys life from becoming shattered by disap
pointment and hope deferred. This goat and this
goat-cart put little Billy Claggett for time in
harmony with the great universe.
But the universe an BILLY Claggett never got
gan to droop from ennu. He soon became too
blase for goats and goatcarts TO please his So
the unattanable.
The unatlainabIe this 9;,, time was a pony; But \
certain real estate lots on the other side of the
moon as To become the owner OF a pony He cried:
Pony! pony But there pony Billy now
grew entirely out OF sorts with the universe. He
said: The universe may go It's way and | will
But the universe didn't get angry, and at length
out OF It's abysmal depths of possibility 1t produced
Was Billy CIaggett happy? oh. yes-ror whole
day. But Billy soon discovered that he was too
college and become learned and great and rich
SO he went to school and filed his head fun OF
exceptions. and 1t was an exception when he
,laI,o the rules And he studied dead lam
tuhseS Tor eight years, and he became so Won
ucfluy proficient In them that he could almost
read them by the help OF a translation.
was something the matter with Billy-but perhaps
We lad better call him William now-for the sweet
i is entirely out of consonance with the eternal
mha syDS of things to cal yorps man ny
necktie. and who languishes and yearns. Billy
not yea n only William can yearn
his dreams was unattalnable-yes. as unattalnable
the pony Sr the dog or the Eo1 HH there Is
very easy TO obtain them.
knew he would ali the tns Did they the i've happily rT
together? Tush! tnsh! 1t IL not my business to
" that sm ny pocs right here
sy ne now wahed to go to Congress as bad as
to all the rallies and took large assortment OF
gestures with him and great variety OF facial
his election would confidence to the country
and that his opponent was a bad man who had been
%Ernnf for Hone tne
William W. Classett OF claggeitsville-wa elected
Patrick 0Flaherty. boss OF the fort ward.
But still there something the matter with |
the Hon. William ": Claggett OF Caggettsville. |
II Is true he got all his speeches he didn't make
printed In The Congressional Record" But he |
grew tired OF the perpetual round OF legislation and
onged to get into the United States Senate. where
legislation IL not permitted Now he says II he |
can get elected President and have a million dollar
monument built over his remains when he dies and |
his son William Caggett jr., can succeed to his |
wealth and political power. he will be perfectly !
happy.
But he wouldn't he. And why wouldn't he?
Why? Because he Is just like the rest OF us And |
have Just told this story anyway In kind OF a |
ineaking way that have. In order that the reader
n the mirror OF the Hon. William w Claggett
nay behold his own countenance ] have been
alking about William w. Claggett. But thou art
he man. And 80 am !. And I am glad OF Il.
For when man becomes entirely satisfied, 1t Is
inc for his friends 10 make arrangements for
lis funeral services. SAM WALTER FOSS.
When the late composer. Peter Tschaikofrslty.
vas going to Cambridge las: June to receive his
honorary degree az the representative OF Russian
music. he was observed to be In state Of great
nervousness This, II subsequently appeared, was
lot due to any awe OF the university but to belief
hat the ceremony would be physically painful.
Ie was convinced that the ceremony OF comforting
degree was accompanied with the tortures which
re popularity supposed to be employed among Free
ia sons. and was consequently In u state OF great
right ct the prospect