The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-06-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

ton Transcript
"The air is very familiar" said the
musician as great wind took his hat
away.-HarOGrd LGn,pooas.
Mother-Now, never let me catch
you at the jam again. Willie-l-I
tried not to let you catch me this time.
Funny Folks.
A great deal of repentance now-a-
days is done in broadcloth and ashes of
roses, instead of sackcloth and ashes,
TEXAS Sittings.
1t is the cynical bachelor who thinks
that most marriageable young women
have graduated from the school of de-
sign.-.LoaoeU Courier.
"I'll be awful glad when paw swears
on smokin' again, said Tommy. "This
is the fourth lickin' I've got in three
days. "-I1adsandpotts Journal.
Much trouble is caused because we
forget that many men do not have the
same kind of religion in horse trade
that they have in church.-Rdnl's
Horn.
First Fair One-So Fred and Arthur
both proposed to her. Which was the
lucky onep The Other Fair One-I
don't know yet. Fred married her,
Lys-
Shea poor painter! Why, he
says that he is welded to his art. He
Perhaps that is the reason, then,
that he dares treat her so badly
Truth.
Watts-I wonder what becomes of
these messenger boys after they grow
up? Potts--Some of them develop
into ossified men, imagine.-Ind
Gpolis Journal.
Some old dinner customs still pre-
vail. The Romans used to recline at
their banquets, and the habit of lying
at public dinners is common stilL-
Ieras Sifti'ags.
There are too many singers in the
choir who do not know any more about
the gospel they sing than the town
pump knows about the taste of water.
-Rdns's Horn.
sWhat is the greatest accomplish
ment you know OFF" said the talkative
young man. "To say nothing silently" ;"
replied the peppery young woman
Washington Star.
Gazzam-Old Soak is one of the most
inveterate gamblers Lever saw. Haz-
zam-You are right. Why, when he
is alone he plays solitaire for the
drinks.-M Y. Herald.
"Do you believe in the transmigra-
ton of soulsa" Certainly The dead
and gone humorists are appearing
constantly in new shapes in the daily
newspapers Boston Guzette.
Willis That young man who plays
the cornet is sick Wallaee-Do you
think he will recoverp Willis-Tm
afraid not. The doctor who is attend
ing him lives next door.-LJe.
The first morning a man is walked
up before daylight by his new alarm
clock he can't help thinking for mo-
ment that after all that clock was dear
at 81 SomerUille Journal.
aYou don't seem to know me- said
the wardworker to the "boss'" as he
unrolled his petition. "Your face
is very familiar" said the "boss, "but
l cannot place you. = Philadelphia
Press.
@How handsomely Parvey New has
his drawing-room decorated!" "But
the society one meets in it!a aYes,
it's the old case of mans room being
better than his company. - Washing
ton Star.
If it wasn't for the envy which the
noise of opening bottle raises in the
bosoms of the poor fellows who can't
afford to buy it there wouldn't be
much fun in drinking champagne
1sras SJtings
Jings-There are supposed to be
about 42O, 100000 Christians in the
world. Bings-There may be, but
when any scandal attaches itself to
your name it is mighty hard to believe
tn. Y. Press.
Fangle-How do you know she died
of broken hearth Mrs. Fangle-
Didn't her milliner confess that she
failed to deliver the poor woman's
Easter bonnet in time for the morning
seryicep-BufaIo Courier.
"Papa," suggested Mary, as she lis
tened to her father and mother talk.
ing about the garden for the coming
spring, "don't you think peanuts would
be just as pretty as flowers growing in
the front yardP"- Harper's Young
People.
As Prof. Garner has learned 20C
words of the monkey language, per-
haps he can tell us what was said that
caused the celebrated disturbance al
the Columbian meeting of the monkey
and the parrot Louisville Courier
Journal.
Jim Hickey--Dreadful things about
Ed Shifty! He was hung by Texas
Vigilance committee for horse-steal
ing; but they say he was game to the
last Tom De Witt-Then i suppose
hanging improved him. Smith, GrGs
@ Co.'S Monthly.
Jack-Did you lose anything on the
gamep Maud-No; you see Jack Hol
worthy promised me ten pounds O.
candy If they won, and George Ell
promised me the same if they were
victorious. 1t was rather risky,
know, but won.-L1anapoora.
A Seneca woman refused to register
upon the plea that if her husband ha'
not enough sense to do the voting
for the family she doesn't want to liv'
with him. If that woman hasn't seal
skin cloak it is because she is marrlet
to man who doesn't know his bust
ness.-KansGs City Star.
Mrs. Gazzam, (readingl- Miss, Parke
of New Mexico runs a telegraph office
two express companies, a railroad of
fee, a ranch, and keeps house. Now
Mr.. Gazzanl, what do you think 0
that? Mr.. Gazzam-TH bet dolla
she has to ask some one else if her ha
is on straight.--M. Y. Sun.
The visiting spinster stood looking
with artistic appreciation at the new
clock. OF course it was the little
year old that broke the silence: "Aha
papa, / found 90 out in tory.
"Why, Lottie, what do you mean talk
ing that way to papaP" "You sale
Miss Primpey was ugly enough to stol
clock, and she don't do any sucf
fing. g."-Detroit Free Press.
Deacon Scrimp = Humph! Thinl
you've got to have vacation, eh
Struggling Pastor-Yes, the docto
says / must go off until this cough i
cured. Deacon Scrimp-Well, I'd lik'
to know why preachers are Away
getting bad coughs. Struggling Pas
tor-Well, you see we have to visi
\ 4 I y