davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
,,,,,av Of General Utll,.y.

1t is among the follcs of which the rnanufae-
turers OF many proprietary medicines are
guilty, TO term their medicines ''panaceas, or to
claim for them the quality OF pauaceas, There 10
No snch thinr ns i 'panacen" which means q
remedy adapted to nll diseases. This absardity
has never been perpetrated by the proprietors OF
Uostetters StoIna n Bitters. But they 10 CAIN
and with Justice that 1t is remedy OF general
utility and this because it restores that regular
and virorou- condition of the stomach, liver ana
bowels which conduce TO the recovery OF general
health Thus it fortiaes the system against ma
ions action OF the organs which, as long a. they
90 right, are the best guaranty against an cpl
demic malady like chllls and fever 1t accom-
nllsbes a double purpose by stimulating activity
OF the kidneys, since il not only prevents their
diseas. and decay, hut expels from the Dood
through them impurities that cause rheumatism,
govt and dropsy. Use il with confidence.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
A SUCCESSFUL SPECULATION.
How Millionaire Girard of Philadelphia
started the Fortune of a Drayman.

How millionaire Girard of Philadelphia
started the Fortune of n Drayman.
The advice of shrewd business
man is sometimes Of more value, even
in Il financial sense, than direct aid,
says Harrison's Magazine. 1t proved
so in the case OF drayman who was
employed by Stephen Girard, the
Philadelphia merchant
One day the drayman, who was an
Industrious, bright fellow with ]
good many mouths to fill at home,
was heard to remark that he wished
he was rich.
whats that?" sharply said Mr..
Girard, who heard the grumble.
"Oh," said the drayman, al was
only wishing was rich"
well, why don't you get rich ?''
said the millionaire harshly.
al don't know how without money. "
returned the drayman.
You don't need money" said
Girard,
well, II you will tell me how to
get rich without money, ! won't let
the grass grow before trying it,
returned tbs other
There is going to be shipload
OF conti-cated tea sold by auction
tomorrow at tho wharf Go down
there and buy it in, and then come
to me.
The man laughed
~ have no money to buy a ship
load of tea with" he said.
you don't need any money, tell
you" snapped the old man. "Go
down and bid on the whole cargo.
and then come to me-"
The next day the drayman went
down to the sale. A large crowd of
retailers were present and the
auctioneer said that those bidding
would have the privilege of taking
one case or the whole shipload. and
that the bidding would be ON the
pound. He then began the sale. a
retail grocer started the bidding
and the drayman raised him. On
seeing this the crowd gazed with no
small amount of surprise, When the
case was knocked down to the dray-
man the auctioneer said he supposed
the buyer desired only the one case.
I'm take the whole shipload, -"
coolly returned the successful bidt o..
The auctfoneer was astonished, but
on some one whispering to him that
it was Girard's man who was the
speaker, his manner changed. and he
said he supposed it was all right
Tho news soon spread that Girard
was buying tea in large quantities.
and the price rose several cents.
$50 and sell your tea,n said Girard
to the drayman the next day.
The drayman was shrewd. and he
went out and made contracts with
several brokers to take the stock at
shade below the market price,
thereby making a quick sale. In a
few hours he was worth 500, 900.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

Several DAYS ago n nell-kuowu physician Of
this city was called to treat young lady who
complained Of pain Ia her side IL might
be we'll to state that this young lady lives
within 100 miles of Marysyllir To all ap-
pearauce # was case Of plcur!sg, and the
doctor treated her for that maladr without
effect A little questioning elected the fact
that her pain dated from the t.me muscular
young man paid her visit. The physician
made an examination and ascertalned that
the young lady had rib broken. IL Is In
fered that the young man Rugged her so hard
that the broken rib was the consequence.
The parties TO this unfortunate aud very pc
culiar affair arc prominent in society circles,
and mention OF names would cause sensA-
tlon.-Ndryspiiir Democrat
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
KNOWLEDGE

Brings comfort and improvement and
tends to personal enjoyment when
rightly used. The many, who live bet
ter than Others and enjoy life more, with
less expenditure, by more promptly
adapting the worlds best products TO
the needs of physical being, will attest
the value to health of the pure liquid
laxative principles embraced in the
remedy, Syrup of Figs.
Its excellence is due to its presenting
in the form most acceptable and pleas
ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly
beneficial properties of perfect lax
alive; eiiectually cleansing the system,
dispelling colds, headaches and fevers
and permanently curing constipation
1t has given satisfaction to millions and
Net with the approval of the medical
profession, because it acts on the Kid
neys, Liver and Bowels without weak
ening them and it is perfectly free from
every Objectionable substance.
Syrup of Figs is for sale by all drug
gists in SOC and 81 bottles, but it is man
ufac.urcd by the California Fig Syrup
Co. only, whose name is printed on every
package, also the name, Syrup of Figs,
and being well informed, you will not
accept any substitute if offered.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

Some years ago." said the story tell
err. 81 was out West on, or near, an
Indian reservation. I had about forty
miles to go to ranch and was to make
the trip in a wagon, as had some
household effects to take along. includ-
ing a Jug Of whiskey. Some mission
aries were stationed at my starting
place, and one Of them recommended
MS my escort an Indian named William
Penn, q good Indian, and one who was
active in the Sunday school. He didn't
look 1t, but his Recommendations were
excellent. and accepted him. In the
stable. before leaving, 1 offered him
drink Of whiskey from my flask, Is the
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
'vvnEu or s~.S.oaL MANIA.
Tho Druggist offered to Give Him All
the Arsenic He Wanted.

The Druggist Offered to Give Him All
the Arsenic He Wanted.
A dishevelled man with green.
CHASTITY glare in his hollow. spectral
eyes. dashed into a corner drug store
last night, apparently laboring under
intense excitement, says the Com
mercial-Gazette. His bloodless fin
gers were tightly clinched into his
thin palms, and on his forehead the
great drops stood out chilly and
damp. Staggering up to the prescrip-
tion desk he Missed in sepulchral
voice:
'.Glmme some arsenic, quick"
Druggists are not in the habit Of
dispensing arsenic on demand like
sugar candy. SO the clerk laid down
his pestle and faced about.
What do you want with arsenicP'
said he.
IL want to kill myself" gurglcd
the frenzied one, hanging desperate
" over the railing, with limp legs
dragging on the floor. Life hadn t
no charms for me and / want to die
Gimme some arsenic quickr'
"All right, mister" cheerfully re-
sponded the clerk. "You shall have
your arsenic and he turned to the
shelf.
The strangers knees caved in
against the counter with thump.
The Druggist turned nonchalantly,
with Il package in his hand; and
without the slightest feeling in his
careless voice. went on:
ANY man that's big enough fool
to want to die hasn't any business
living, and the sooner you shuttle ofI
the better it will be. Now, take this
stuff, and take it quick, so we can
get your carcass out of the shop in
me to shut up for the night. And
for goodness sake don't muss up the
hoor." said he, slapping the package
down on the counter and turning
back unconcernedly to his work.
The fellow feebly shrunk away from
the little paper packet and his eyes
bulged out with horror.
..Wh-wh- wh-what!" he stammered
hoarsely. You wouldn't give fel.
Ter being arsenic to kill himself
WITH"
II Wouldn't" CALCULATED the dug
f; rist I'D like to know why not
i That's what gave that to you for
amt it? Hurry up and take it and
go off and die"
With disguised expression blsz
! ing on his face the wild-eyed custo
mer remarked:
"Well, I'll be blanketty blanked
/ Give a man poison to kill himsel
7 with-what's this world coming to
well, iii be blanketty blanked! You
hain't got no more feelings than ,
tin tobacco tag"
And with look of reproach thai
soured the pulv. sacch. the suicida
I citizen stalked haughtily from the
shop. leaving the poison uncon
sumed.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
August
Flower

Il am happy to state TO you and
to suffering humanity, that my wife
has used your wonderful remedy,
August Flower, for sick headache
and palpitation of the heart, with
satisfactory results. For several years
she has been a great sufferer, has
been under the treatment of eminent
physicians in this city and Boston,
and found little relief. She was in
duced to try August Flower, which
gave immediate relief. We cannot
say to much for it" L. c. Frost,
Springfield, Mass. 6
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

"Do you keep accounts. JEAN
asked one young woman as she and
her companions finished the frightful
mathematical computation involved
in paying equally for n luncheon.
YES, | do said Jean. virtuously.
alt would worry me to death to have
one cent uucounted. Don't you,
DollyP"
81 promised pa to, aud so do II.
| put down on one page received
$50, and on the other spent $50.
That's enough. How do you do,
MabelP"
Mabel groaned as she answered:
"Oh, put down on one page re
ccived 500 and on the other spent
s75.' That's how keep accounts.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
in PINE LOG JUSTICE COURT.
The Community Attends Upon IA Fa-
nous Case,

The Community Attends Upon Fla
nous Case.
Inc monthly session of Squire
Collins court always brought to the
Perkins school house a large mum.
Der of the citizens of Pine Log noun.
tain district. But when it became
known that sam White, who used to
teach school at the Perkins school
house, had sued HINGE Williams, the
blacksmith, for So %. the whole com
munity went to court to hear the
trial.
"Air you'ns ready for trial2n asked
Squire Collins. as he leaned back and
hlled his longstemmed cob pipe.
81 dest wants my IS. 20, what dat
scallawag of Williams owes me,
jedge," said White. Hits my
money, yearnt honest"
What dye say, Hince?" asked the
court.
The blacksmith was fumbling in
his pocket for written document
He took it out and opened 1T care.
fully.
'Jedge." he said. "I've ies got a
leetle set-off agin his accounts"
"All right I'll hear the statement
o. the otfendant.
Williams walked to the middle OF
the room and, taking his stand in
front OF the court, proceeded to read
his plea OF set-oif as follows:
"know all sorts of men by these
ere presints-I don't owe Same
Whifn Dnthfn h,,t he
good deel. Here's adzactly what all
he owes me fur: Maxim of him pipe
stems. 50; fur settin' round my shop
an takin' up my time, 81. so; fur talk
in too much to me whin wuz at
work, f2;pure bother, So. so; fur cuss-
in of one of my good customers an
runnin' of him off, $i.25. fur wearin'
out to good cheers a-settin' In them,
81: fur borryin' my storr-bought
hacker an payin' me back with home
made, 20 cents; fur hollerin' at my
young nag what | had hitched to the
fence an maxim OF her brake aloose
an breakin of the briddle bits,
fifty cents fur actin of born fool,
II; fur ginural damages, $4m
Williams placed the paper on the
squire's docket and said:
"Now, iedge, hain't he GOWN of
me enough | should say that he
air. An ledge, wants my money.
! ned hit awful, kase / owes Preacher
Borders twenty cents an want to pay
hit ur my karactur will be damaged
ledge. ] needs all the money !
honestly yearnt like this here what
White is a-owin' of me. but II he'll
pay all the costs I'll dismiss the case. -
Il hain't a payin' of no cost.
nuthcr," shouted the ex-school
teacher.
We'll see il you don't you un-
hung scamp. returned Williams.
Here Squire Collins brought down
his fist with a thump on the open
docket and said:
''Gcnts. jest stop right thar. This
courts got to be suspected hain't
a-goin to hev no row, an men. the
cost is got to be paid by somebody to
keep the law a-goin' and now I'll jest
put both o. you'ns under bond till the
cost air all paid, an you'ns can jest
fix up this here sot-oir case to suit
yourselves"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

State Treasurer Nance who went down to
Caldwell to see the boomers rush upon the
Cherokee Strip, told the following amusing
incident to u reporter of tho Denver hepuo-
lean.
well we went into the Strip by train and
made from five TO fifteen miles an hour. This
railroad was fenced in on either side with q
barb-wire fence. As we were going along
there was woman In the car ahead OF US
who suddenly made up her mind she saw a
claim she would like to have-and It turned
out to be one of the best on the line we went
over She bundled her l2-year-old boy. neck
and crop out OF the ear window, throwing
gun after him, she was through that car
window herself In less time than It takes 10
tell it, and, seeing what she was up 10 three
men followed suit, and each set about cross
ing that fence. The old woman fell all over
herself and the men were no more agile or
graceful so that by the time they all got TO
their feet the boy was through the fence.
Then began scene that scared ne half
to death The woman tried To get through
the fence, but could not, rs her skirts caught
In the barbs In the meantime the men
started to climb through and IL would have
done your heart good to see that l2-year-old
youngstcr line up alongside that fence and
throw up his Winchester.
Don't none of you fellows come through
TIL NAV does, he cried, and not a man
budged The old woman then left her boy To
watch the fence while she scurred of 70
make her stake,
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
a NOVEL PLAN.


How an English Inn Provides for Per-
sons with Cold in the Head.
Nothing but travel, and extensive
travel at that, will give Il person II
full idea of the queer ways that there
are in the world. An American who
was not long since journcying
through the midland counties OF Eng
land relates that in Il small country
town he once entered an inn rather
prctentious for the place, and called
for turbot-a favorite dish in those
parts.
The American had had few days
of dense fog, and his appearance and
manner, perhaps, showed that he
had become "A little wheezy in conse-
quence of the climate. He was
forced to have frequent recourse to
his pocket handkerchief, says Youth 5
Companion.
When the turbot was brought. the
guest fancied, even before it reached
his plate that it was no longer fresh.
and an attempt to eat it confirmed
that impression. He called the pro-
prietor. who at once sent waiter
for fresh turbot, and removed the
Objectionable dish.
II beg your parding, SIR said the
innkeeper, .'but we got the idee, sir,
as you came in, that you had II bad
cold in yer cad, sir"
And suppose | had? What would
that have to do with my being served
spoiled fish," exclaimed the Ameri-
can, somewhat Indignantly.
"Heveryt think, sir. We has thi,
rule in this 'ouse: fish as Is a leetle
doubtful, like that ere, sir-then
which has lost the SAVIOR OF youth, d
| may say-them we serves to partie.
as appears to ave colds in their cad
sir. and we finds that, bein' as suel
parties can't smell nothiuk. thel
likes the fish Just as well. sir, an'
hoften they prefer 'eml"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30


It's strange can't get my wife
to mend my clothes" remarked Mr..
Bride disgustedly. II asked her to
sew the buttons on this vest this morn
ing and she has never touched it,
You asked herr" observed Mr. Nor
ris. with slight shrug of his Shout
ders.
Yes. What else should / do?"
You haven't been married very long,
and perhaps you'll take pointer from
me-" remarked Mr. Norris, with n faith
erly air. Never ask woman TO mend
anything That's fatal
why, what do you mean?
DO as 1 do. When l want to have
n shirt mended, for instance, ! take 1t
in my hand and hunt up my wife.
Where's that rag bag, Mrs. Norris i
demand fieycely.
what do you want the rag bag
for!' she says suspiciously.
81 want to throw this shirt away.
It's all worn out l reply.
LET me see 1t, she demands.
But / put the garment behind my
back
"'No, my dear, l answer. There is
no use of your attempting to do any
thing with 1t. 1t needs
"Let me see it. she reiterates.
But it's all worn out, 1 tell you"
"'Now, John. you give me that shirt!
she says in her most peremptory tones.
II hand over the garment.
why, John Norris| she cries, with
womanly triumph. This is perfectly
good shirt. All 1t needs is And
thcn she mends it."-Brooklyn Life.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

day was very cold. but he grmted and
shook his head. l offered 1t to him
again, just after his friend, the mission
airy, had told me goodbye, and he re-
fused again. After we had been on tho
way an hour l felt chilly and took out
the flask and small glass. The Indian
looked ut it wistfully us l poured it
down. l didn't think he wanted any,
but l handed him the glass.
Ugh" he grunted, with vigorous
shake of the head; me no Sunday
school scholar; gimme jug.'-Detroit
Free Press.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

L was talking with colored hack
driver about getting over to Drayton
when along came young woman. who
stopped short to exclaiIu
"Oh, heah yo' ar, Ell? was Jest
lookin' fur yo'."
"Nawnin', Miss julia replied the
man, as he scraped and bowed.
''Doan do no mo- bowin' an scrapin'
to me. Sam Johnson" she said rs she
waved her right arm through the air.
When / has dun found pusson out,
dat eands it wild me"
Whats de matter, Miss Julia?'
Whats de matter? Didn't l dun
see yo' last mite wild dat Evangeline
Jackson hangin' on yo'r arm?'
Reckon yo might but yo' see"
Muffin yo' kin say will change my
mind! From dis mint yo' am free!
Sam johnson, l tear yo' from my
heart!
"Shoo! Does dat mean we am dis.
enGaged?"
1T do. sahw
And haint we gwine to get married
next fall?'
NO. sah,''
"Shoo. Yo' see. Miss Juila, /"
Call me Miss Henderson, sah"' she
haughtily replied.
"Yo' see, Miss Henderson, jest hap
pened to meet up wild Evangeline Jack
son on de street, an bein'--''
Was yo' spollin' to me. sah:' she in
terrupted.
"Of co'se j was. You see, Miss Julia,
WAS jest
False hearted man. farewell" she
exclaimed as she swept down the street
with erect carriage and naughty step.
We'll. you've lost that girl fer sure
said to the hackman as we both stared
after her.
''Haw. haw. haw! But 20 doan'
dun understand Guild women.' he
laughed as he picked up his lines.
What yo' reckon she kicked up all
dat row BOUT"
About Evangeline Jackson"
No, sab. II war about Evangeline
Jackson's bangle, which cost Is cents
I'll take 2O-cent bangle up to Miss
Julia dis eavcnin', and widin ten min
its arter hit de cabin her angelic head
will be reposin' on my manly breast,
an I'll dun drive yo' obcr to Drayton
for So
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
They had a Miserable limo.

Mrs. Tittle-Did you have good
time at the sewing circle this after
noon?
Mrs. Tattle-No miserable time;
1t was awfully dull.
Mrs. Wasn't anything said
about how Mrs Blazer has been car
rying onP
Mrs. Tattle-No; she was mean
enough to be there herself, and, OF
course, the pleasure we had all
looked forward to was spoiled.
Strange how people can be so selfish.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
|GOOD CHANCE!I

OdellSeO Typewriter for $40, II cash with or
der is received before Nov, list, 1898 The
famous Odell Typewriter is used by Lawyers.
Ministers, Doctors, Merchants, Editors and
Government pfficcrs, because OF its clean
print, simplicity and manifold copies. No
teacher required. II will do your work in one
hours practice Order now and take advant-
age OF this exceptionally
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
A Lack Of space.

Gussie-Aw. mo deah fcllah, what's
the mattah with your head?
Clarence = Aw-why-er-I somehow
got an ideah in me head this-aw-
mawnin'. and there don't appeah to
have been any provision made In me
head faw it.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
The Head Of the House.

Book Agents. the boss of the house
iny
Husband (who has responded to tho
ring OF the door bclD-I guess 80. l
heard my wife say that she was in.
"Oh. the boss of the house is
ladyY'
Yes, our servant girl. ! guess you
will find her in the basement kitchen.
Go down the flight of stairs to your
'"ft Good morning"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

Aren't you afraid OF the electric
ity9" asked the inquisitive passenger
OF the motorman.
mo; but the man who collects the
fares is"
"Jsn't IT strange that he should be
afraid and you not?''
mot at all. You see I'm q non
conductor. Judge.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

HALLS CATARRH CURE is liquid and
Is taken internally, and acts directly on the
blood and mucous surfaces OF the system,
Write for Testimonials, free, Manufactured
by L. j. CHENEY X CO., Toledo o.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

BErCnAlTs Pills arc not pew remedy.
They have been used In Europe for 80 years,
and are well tcstcd and excellent.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

Patsy-Say. Jimmie. DAT WIS n
straight tip de sportin' gent give yer.
dat was.
Jimmie-Dat may be, Patsy, dat may
be, but I never heard OF de horse. He
must be n Guttcnburg skate.
Patsy-Neyer You mind. Jimmie; If
he's booked to win. play him even If
he's a lobster,
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

There are two boys who DO not agree. One
Is the policemau's Billy and the other Is the
cracksmau's Jimmy.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
srtre Baby .. Cutting Teeth.

Sam Jones says that syntsI Will not do for
Boston. The most profitable sin tax could DC
collected In New York
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30
SOME HUMOROUS STRINGS.
LIES BRIGHT SIDE AS DEPICTED
ny THE HUMORISTS.

Sam johnson Had Panncea for
Miss Jtlin's Misunderstanding 1t
Donc-SiX Years Aftcr-He Wanted
the jug.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

The man who deprives his brother
Of right is n, better than the one
who robe his house
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

ALFRED in n morning robe of delicate
lace she needed not the bitter tears that
chased each other along the bridge of
her nose and splasllcd upon he fried
eggs that lay with the sunny side up
before her.
Rcgrctfully her glance rested on her
husband, who sat in his dressing gown
and nervotisly played with ais spoon.
mo, Annabel," he was saying. II
do not care for any of the baking pow
der biscuit Yoa b,iiitf-tf-~'ittr= ,rmr-rw"
hands.
A short gasp stirred her bosom.
"Plantagenet." she faltercd, did you
not say before we We're married."
A sob temporarily choked her utter
ance.
'-th-that you would gladly die for
me?"
He started and turned pale.
Did l say that he eagerly de-
manded.
you did. Plantagcnct.
"Annnbel." he said. in Il hollow voice.
az am n man of my word. can
trouble you to pass me those baking
powder biscuit? Thank you. And
without another word he courtcd death.
Detroit Tribune.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

When the soul resolves to perform
every duty, Immediately it is conscious
of the presence of God.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1893-09-30

Mcsmith-Have you heard about the
casualty down town?
O'Jones-No. What was lit
McSmith-A building collapsed and
buried four building inspectors who had
their offices in it.-Puck.