The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1893-09-02


muddy type. and wonder where IL
came from. we would say that 1t Is n
we thing gotten or by a human
wreck that calls himself an editor
.hat Is allowed to exist in nasty
little place called Juiceville, or some.
thing OF the kind No doubt Il will
prove satisfactory to the six or eight
iorsaken creatures who live in ,Iuice.
vllle' as they are not used To any.
thing better
1T calls itself The Drum; this is
very appropriate. In the first place
drum Is always beaten; second.
.here Is nothing nit but wind; third.
III always makes the same noise
which does not mean anything, after
all. " "''''
ms strife went on without change
OF tactics until the Drum intimated
that, without mentioning its other
serious faults. the Drumstick lacked
that spirit of enterprise possessed by
the American press in general and
the Drum in particular Ii pro-
ceeded to say that the Drumstick
never printed an account OF ANYTHING
until the event was worm-eaten. and
that It's name ought to be the Burr
Tor 1T contained nothing but chest
nuts.
This put the Drumstick editor in a
oad humor' lie kicked the goat
which served rs waste basket-and
used Language unfit for publication"
all day. The next morning. however,
he appeared at the Office with a quiet
smile on his lips, and keen twinkle
In his eyes. he called the two re-
porters aside, and had long talk
with them; after which all three wore
smiles and wrinkles. Lest the reader
think it strange that so small con-
Germ should employ two reporters, we
would confess that they were not
above helping the compositor make
up form, or even holding lamp
under the press when the cold
weather made the nix hard
On the following night Mr.. Ken
bricks, the magnate of Joyville,
while walking from the postoliice to
his home, fell headlong into the ditch
by the sidepath. He was able to call
for help, and soon an excited and
sympathetic crowd had rescued him
and carried him home.
While a Drum reporter was intcr-
viewing the injured gentleman, who
was saying that it seemed to him as
though he had tripped over a string
tightly stretched across the path.
the excitement was renewed by boy
running down the street crying:
''Extree! EXtree. Great accident
in Joyviller'
The Drum man rushed from the
house. bought copy and found to
his great dismay that tho Drum stick
had issued IA full account of Mr.. Ken
| bricks misfortune. Over to his of
fee he ran and found his editor, a
picture of despair. reading the extra.
allow in the blankety blank did
that scoundrel get out so quick?" he
roared. Here I've been sneering at
| his lack OF enterprise. II we don't
hustle the Drums beat for sure.n
Extras became almost an every
! day matter. Mrs. Brown lost her
valuable collie and within an hour a
! Drumstick extra recounted the loss
and the successful hunt and return
of the dog to its owner by one of the
reporters. At another time all the
members Of Deacon Shows family
became very sick from eating one of
Mrs. SHOWS pumpkin pies and the
doctor found traces of poison in the
remnants-and the Drumstick extra
H1f
men could get half Of the facts.
Slowly the Joyville people were be-
coming tired Of their slow paper and
privately sent their children to Hap
pyton for the opposition sheet. AS
for their baffied editor. he was on the
point of resigning and decamping
when something occurred that total
~ altered the existing state of af-
fairs.
At about 10 o'clock on the night of
August u the Drumstick issued an
extra describing the total destruc-
tion Of the Drum office by fire. The
inhabitants OF both villages FASTENED
to the supposed scene of devastation
and found the office closed for the
ulH III uHl uob Sits u Vi llic. w wi
one impulse they marched to the
Drumstick Office.
The Hon. A. Il. C. Denton banged
on the door with his cane and the
editor appeared in shirt sleeves be-
fore the crowd. One glance showed
that he had been drinking.
Goo eve'ing, teller citizens" he
exclaimed, "walk right in" He evil
IDENTIFY expected nomination for
some position of public trust.
..Sir" murdered the Happyton
magnate, .'what do you mean by pub
fishing this lying report of a fire in
Joyville?"
.My deai shir," was the reply in q
thick voice, that's no lie-awful
fire-rotten Drum all burned up
yesh-shir"
"But tell YOU" yelled the mag
nate of Joyville, "there hasn't been
sign of fire in our town"