Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-06-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Taken from the French-the Pan
anna pilferings.
Jagson says it's always foot up or
shut up with the ledger. -Elmira Ga
zette.
Money talks; but if it speaks the
truth, it must plead guilty to a good
many crimes
Boxing the compass is not counted
as one of the ''spars" of a ship.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
You can prove almost anything by
statistics, except the truth of the
figures. s.-Puck.
''This is certainly hand to mouth
existence, remarked the dentist. -
Washington Star.
How many things there are to laugh
at in this world to the girl who has
pretty teeth and dimples. Texas Sift-
ings.
The time that most men waste in ex
planning their failures would, if prop
erly employed, put them on their feet
again. Puck.
Impressionist - "Now, candidly,
what do you think l ought to get for
it?" Critic-"A hiding place. kate
Fields Washington.
"How are you getting on with your
bicycle riding, Dick?" Dick-"I
spend most of my time getting on"
Chicago Inter Ocean.
1t does not follow that a person will
become a successful fisherman just be-
cause he has a pull on the lines. -
Rochester Democrat.
1t is the cynical bachelor who thinks
that most marriageable young women
have graduated from the school of de-
sign. Lowell Courier.
The long-winded story teller seems
to base his claims to reliability on the
fact that he is never short in his ac-
counts. Washington Star
One of the latest arrivals ut jackson
Park is an orang-outang from Java,
and visitors are cautioned not to mon
key with him. Chicago Tribune.
"Why are you so sure that Dempsey
doesn't know anything about base
ball?" Jupiter, man He's been an
umpire for years. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
No machine ever in vented will begin
to stand the wear and tear and abuse
that the human stomach will, and still
keep working on.-Dansville IN. ~
Breeze.
81 amt much at the pianny," said
the coal yard employe as he adjusted
the weight of load of COAL ''but I'm
great at runnin' the scales. washing
ton Star.
'And is the air healthy here?' asked
visitor at mountain resort. "Ex-
cellent, sir, excellent. One can be-
come IA centenarian here in little
while lid Bits.
81 tell you, there's nothing like cool.
ness in the presence of danger" said
Juggins. ''No, replied Jaggins that's
what keeps people from being sun
struck. w Washington Star.
"You don't seem to know me-" said
the ward worker to the "boss, Ms he
unrolled his petition. ''Your face is
very familiar, said the "boss, ''but
/ can't place you. Philadelphia Press.
Mary had little lamb.
She gave her head toss
And sent il back because she lacked
The mint to make the sauce.
Washington Star
"What are You reading?" said one
clerk in brokers' office to another.
"a work on the theory of money"
''That's no good What we want is the
practice of money. Washington Star.
Cholly-"Do you ever have moments
when you feel like doing something
absurd?" Myrtylla-"Yes, indeed.
Why, when you proposed to me last |
felt for moment like accepting yon."
New York Herald
"You should see Mrs. Bunkins and
her daughter in their new dresses"
said the marksman's wife. ''Thev are
sights. "Tve seen them,' replied the
opticianss wife. 81 never saw such
spectacles. - Washington Star.
''There is not much similarity be-
tween our ways of earning livelihood"
said the dentist TO the paint manufac-
turer. no." admitted the manufac-
turer, 'there is not | grind colors,
while you Gull grinders. - Indianapolis
Journal.
The Coroner in Boston is said to be
awaiting the suicide of poet i'll that
city who wrote about clasring 1.-THE
two tremulous hands" of his lady love,
but which the printer made to read
''the two tremendous hands. New
York World.
Mrs. Carper-''Yes, my daughter
was crazy to get married and she mar
ried man who has failt = in everything
he has undertaken. Mrs. Fox Whose
husband has failed for million)-
Gracious! They must be immensely
rich. New York Press.
Manager Say, Doctorl sent
my leading man around to You to-day.
He's complaining of stupor and all
that What's the matter with hnnT'
Doctor-"His liver refuses to act"
Manager--'I wish he was as sensible