The evening herald. [volume] (Shenandoah, Pa.) 1891-1966, 1893-07-11
A nARKEws ideal WIFE.


Didn't Amount 90 Muoh Himself but ISpc,
What Sort Of a Better Hair ue Needed.
"Haz yer got any stomped antelope,
fur sale here, boss2'
"Stomped what2'' said the astonishef
proprietor Of the country store.
"stomped antclopes, dat yer put er
letter in, an SEN It TO de pos office
promise Florinda ! gwine write her o,
letter, an boun' ter keep my word. ''
"Yes, have plenty of those, but who
is Florinda2'
shes my wife, boss, or least ways
when get my crap laid by low ter
GIT er license, an gin her dat entitlo
ment Ever sense l had de Ter grip las
winter, an de Ter manrial fever in d
summer time, re had er misery in my
chist, an been kiner poly, thank Gol
an need somebody TO take keer er me,
so dun 'cided ter git married,
"Dis comm spring Florinda Jane kin
holp me powerful in de crap. She's e.
likely er han ez ever you seed in ei
cotton patch, en- Square Thomas sez ct
| marries her dat he gwine sell me eT
AN ter bull er house on. Dat he kno'
kin pay for it den,
81 kinder no count en- trifin like, but
Florinda she kno' how ter make buckle
an tongue meet, she do, Gaze dun seed
her tried She been married twist
afore dis, do she's er young oman yit'
but she's bin powerful misfortunate
Her fust husban got woun' up in el
1.I
deaf, and fore she done mo'nin' fur
him, her secon' husban got sont up fur
eight years fur hog stealin' an udder
devilment. It's wilder woman dat I
gwine marry, yer see.
But what will you do when her sec
ond husband serves his term and comes
homer"
"Well, dun ranged fur dat, boss,
moight be glad ter gin her up when dat
time comes, an ef so, JUS turn her
ober ter him. But eff she amt sicltly,
an | fin her er likely oman ter live
wild, den fore dat time comes ] kin
buy enforcement dockerments. / dun
quired inter de matter, an thirty dol
lars will pay fur all de papers an de
pyers throwed in. Floripda Jane got
her bedstead, an chist, an four split
bottom cheers, an er bolster, an
feather bed, an truck er dat kim, dat
IL wuth mo- en- de papers will cost 1t
won't be no 'spense ter me, an puffic-
ly willin' eff she suits, ter spen' it on
her ] don't low ter get married wild
out it's costin' me sumpen | already
gin her er gagement ring, wild er
green glass set in it, an low ter buy
her er pair er year bobs fur er bridal
present Yes, sir, want her saterhed,
Gaze l dunno what she wants wild me
no how, fur l amt no likely shakes no
er niger, l s'pose it wuz de ginger
cake color dat tuck her fancy, dat
disinherited frum my deceasted mud
der dats dead-caze Florinda, she's
jest ez dark complicated an shiny ez
yore boots. But she suits me to er T.
Il want somebody ter patch an
men fur me, an cook my victuals
done, an she kin fill de bill. Eff she
jus do her part an mine erbout de
house an raise de chickens an de pigs
an de gyardin' truck, an do de cool1in
an de washin', an splittin' up de
wood an totin de water, an comb my
ha'r on Sundays, an work in de fiel
Mondays and every udder day wher
the crap IL in de grass, an when it,
got TO be gethered I'll do my part
Dey aint nuthin' mean nor low lifeted
erbout me. l uster b'long ter quality
did, an l lSnos how ter treat er wife
do"
"You do, heyP "Well, what's your
part?"
MY part IL alters ter have in er de
cent an 'specterble manner Inebbel
spects ter beat my wife less she's
powerful aggervatin', nor let no udder
nigger do it, l gwine buy her er
calico coat an er pair shoes an Miss
Malvinys ole hat twist er year, an let
her sing jess ez loud in de meetin' ez
she wants ter. Den l gwine let her
ten all de funerals dat comes on Sun
day an sit up wild de sick an eat at de
tus table wild me, an what oman
white or black, could spec mo'en dat?
''Hes, sir; my wife gwine have err
good easy time, eff she's er wuclsin
niger. But eff she's no count an
tritlin' like me / gwine gin her her
walkin' papers an git ernudder. |
can't s'pote two no count niggers. But
( don't comprehend no trouble wild Flo
rinda Jane, Gaze she's er wuclser frum
way back Course, dun tole her all
day erbout p
Roses red an vlolets blue,
'Lasses sweet and so IL you, s.
en- bout
My lub fur you shall ebber flow
Like wa er down er tater row,
but dun tole her besides what gwine
marry her fur, an she knows | cont
stan no foolishness But Florinda Jane
she's er likely young gal, she il, an 1
amt er feared ter buy her er license, l
aim,
BOSS, hates ter trouble yer, but I'd
be much erbleeged eff you would put
dis letter in de stomped antelope an
back it ter Miss Florinda Jane White
side, er Widder Oman, kear er her
Brudder-in-law, de Foreman in de Brick
Yard, Frog Level, Alabama. IN. Y
Herald.
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