Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1893-06-01

speech which make his stories when printed
read with smack Of Artemus Ward or of
John Phoenix.
Here are the stories:
II once tried to travel
:StOripS through Germany on my
Pennsylvania dialect.
Number: When Germans didn't I'M
= -: derstand word we said it
Il anu q: was not only no fault of
ours, but a painful misfor-
tune that they had not been brought up in
the state of Pennsylvania. When was in
Germany they addressed me in various
ways. They would spin out O sentence in
that elastic language, attenuated to the
thinness of a cobweb, and If did not show
signs of comprehension they would tele-
scope the whole sentence into one confused
word and try me with that. went on for
two days and did not understand a word.
began to feel lonesome, and the more people
came up to me the more lonesome felt. It
reminded me of my early days, when and
u few other cadets at West Point obtained
q furlough and came into New York to have
u good time.
Zone of the party during dinner drank
too much. He got through the remonstra-
tive stage, the philosophic stage, and at
length worked up everything in che form
Of IN equation, giving us his deliberate
conclusion to accompany lis to the panto-
mime at Niblo's. We told him to brace
up and pull himself together; that he could
20 and see what it was like and then come
away. He linked his arms in ours and we
got down to the theater The pantomime
went on, and he watched with intense in
terest the violent gesticulations Of the
actors. not word being spoken. He leaned
over his seat, put his hand to his ear, and
when the curtain went down he remarked:
4 say, am drunken than thought was
said in the whole play
THAT is just the way it WIS with me LIZ
Germany. Finally it became absolutely
necessary for me to know whether certain
train went through to Berlin. rehearsed
my grammar, and gathering together Ger
tain fragments Of that disjointed Language
called the conductor and hurled at his
bead the following verbal projectils. I
knew If it struck home should be apt to
hear from him: 'Geht dieser Tug mach Ber
lin ohne WechselP He turned upon me a
look I shall never forget. 'Mein Colt in
Himmel,' he said, what Il tam fine kind OF
German Is that which you here spenkl''
General Porter Is fond Of drawing on his
own "reminiscences for humorous anecdotes.
Here Is one. with the application thereof:
when look around
Story upon these groaning boards
think of one Of Sherman's
Number: bummers down In South
Carolina during the war.
3. The regiment was ordered
one morning to strap their
ammunition on their shoulders and ford
river. The river had swamps six miles on
each side, and this hummer while crossing
turned around to his comrade and said,
Bill, I'm bowed If don't believe we have
struck this ere river lengthways.' When l
look around upon the length and breadth
Of the superb Inequalities you have spread
out before US tonight think with each in.
vited guest here that we have struck this
hospitality lengthwise"
Here il another war story told Mt q dinner
to General Grant:
II know that our guest
Story !: General Grant, will not
forget the soldier In the
Number: Wilderness who strayed Off
: to the right of his company
4. !: and persisted in firing away
with an air that seemed to
say, I get 'em every time The captain
of the company approached him and said,
White, fall in with the rest White re-
piled, All right, 70 on with your shooting,
but ~ for me AM going to have Il private
massacre to myself"
Dowtar,o Itnr4, of fha Itiuh,pnrl
and the grog has been told by many other
people, but it il the generals own story.
and this isthe original version Of it:
IAN Irishman worked all
Story day for the agent Of an alb
sentee landlord on the
Number: promise Of getting glass
of grog. At night the
8. agent brought out the grog
"''''''''''''' to him, and the lrishman
tasted 1t and said to the agent:
(which did you put in first, the whisky
or the waterp' oh said he. the whisky.
Hal hal Well, maybe I'll come to it ny
and by" 5~.,- ,e.s
Here is another of the generals stories
with reference to the SONS of the great Irish
nation. In it he tells how Il Chinaman got
the Joke on I'm Irishman for once:
'That learned Chinese
Story statesman, Chin Lam Pin,
was here at the time Denis
Number: Kearney was having an I'M
pleasantness with the orr
+. entails. Kearney said to
'''''''''''''''' him: Your people will
have 20 get out Of hero. The Irish carry
too much religion around with them to as
sociate with pagans.'
"'Yes,' said Chin Ian Pin. we have de,
termined to go. Our own country is too
overcrowded now. We can't 20 there, and
think we'll go to Ireland ,..
"Said Kearney: TO IrelandS You will be
jumping out Of the frying pan into the fire.
"Said Chin Ian Pin: 4 have travelled in
your country and all around good deal.
and have come to the conclusion that
nowadays Ireland is about the only coun-
+, try that is not governed by the Irish.'"
Story No. 7 is recollection Of the war:
when the commanding
| Story general in our late war had
| decided to make u decisive
| Number: movement against the en-
| envy and had made all prep.
Z. arations for It, he called to
''''''''''''''' young staff officer, saying
that when he gave the orders for the final
charge tho officer was to look at his watch
ErNa -