davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
Monkeys That Enjoy a Joke.

In large cage in the Philadelphia
zoo were kept at one time about 20 mon
keys Among them were two big, wise
looking apes with gray boards and hair,
and with the mien Of stoics. They had
very long, straight tails and habit of
sitting high up from the ground and al
lowing their tails TO hang at full length.
In the same cage We're three or four brown
cebus monkeys, who were much devoted
to exercise and fan.
While the big monkeys would cling to
the side Of the cage or sit ON a perch
some 10 or II feet from the ground one
of the little brown monkeys would
stealthily creep up to one of them and
suddenly grasp the end of the long tail
and swing with al its might. OF course
the "big un" could not lift his tail be-
cause of the weight of the little monkey
clinging to it. He could only climb down
the side of the cage with his burden I'M
til he could reach the floor.
During this operation the brown mon
key kept swinging until his own tail
touched the floor, at which instant he
would release his hold and spring to the
top Of the cage, followed by the outraged
monkey amid the screams of the others.
By the time he had reached a point
where he could attack his little tor
mentor, who would show some signs of
resistance and caCse him to pause for a
moment, another brown monkey would
seize his long tail and take a swing.-R.
s. Garner in New Review
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
r1Uw he WON HER.
March of Fashion Gave Him the Means of
Supporting Her In Luxury.

0
Supporting Her In Luxury.
The naughty old Billy Goat stood at
bay, one forefoot resting upon juicy
coil of wire, his head thrown proudly
back. Before him in an attitude Of
humility stood young William, the pride
of Ashpile society.
"And So" painted the father, "you
wish to wed my lovely Mamie, my eve
-ahem, kid, TO take her from the lap of
luxury? Pray, tell me how you expect
to maintain her in the way to which she
has been accustomedY
Deeply abashed, the youth murmured
something about the excellence of the
tomato can crop, but even as he spoke he
felt that he was Offering her only the
caramels of existence, not the bread.
The head of the irate parent went
down; he gave a snort of rage and was
about to use violence when his fair young
daughter cast herself at his feet.
81 love him she walled. For my
sake give him a chance to prove what he
can do"
$50 be it" returned her father. II will
give him "a hours in which toprove that
he is able to support you.
It was evening The wind whistled
dismally along the streets of Englewood
and raised playful cyclones to the detri-
ment of nostril and optic. Young Will
liam needed it not. He was thought
fully chewing a newspaper and thinking
mournfully of his fate, for he feared
that he could never call the gentle Nan
ME his own. Bat suddenly, as he digest
ed the Daily Hint From Paris" great
light dawned upon him. Madly he
rushed along the dusky streets until he
reached the home of his beloved.
"She is miner he shouted. 81 can
now support her as well as you do.
Hoopslzirts are coming in"
'Noble youth" cried the parent in ac-
cents of JOY. Take her; she is yours. 8"
Chicago Tribune.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

Young Wife (affectionately)-We can
live more economically, know. To be
gin with, you can stop smoking, resign
from your club, give no more wine sup
pers and never, never treat any one.
Young Husband (faintly)-Certainly,
to be sure. In fact, of course. And what
will You do, dear?
Young Wife (triumphantly)-P Oh,
I'll mend all my gloves myself.-Texas
Siftings
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
PLUcKED FROM THE BURNING.
A Humble Salvation Army Soldier Add
Star to His Crown.


Star to His Crown.
The man wore the regulation dress of the
Salvation Army, the blue uniform with
brass buttons and red letters across the
breast. He walked slowly, with his head
bowed as if in deep thought or study, and
more than once he raised his eyes only just
in time to avoid a collision with some pc
destrian coming toward him.
And so it was that when woman, n
hashy, tawdry thing arrayed in cheap finery
which was soiled and stained and draggled
accosted him she spoke twice before he
looked up.
When he saw the flushed face, girlish
even in its reckless abandonment, an ex-
preston of sorrow came into his eyes, and
her own fell beneath his earnest gaze
"Why, sissy
He said this reproachfully, as though she
were no wicked woman at all, but naugh-
ty, hayward child. The girls cheeks
showed a deeper crimson through their
cost of paint, and she stood irresolute as
though undecided whether to turn and run
away or to stay.
where's your ma?' the man asked at
length.
II dunno
"Ain't you got no folks?"
"It's none o. your business" the woman
answered defantly, tossing her head as if
ashamed of her momentary humility
Eyes, tits. That's wot Pm wearin these
here regimentals for. It's my business to
help poor suiierin people wherever l find
'em. An you're sick at heart an sufferin
this very minute in spite O all that there
red paint an that LAUGH" For there was a
look of anguish in the girls eyes which
gave the lie to her forced smile and air of
gayety.
Yes you're ashamed an sick an tired o.
the whole business, an you'd quit it if you
could, only you dissent start in tryin-
Come, now, amt that so2"
The head bowed until the limsy plumes
on the SNOWY has fell forward as if trying
to peep under the rim to see whence came
the drops which were splashing down on
the red chapped hands.
There amt no use,' the girl began
Tut, tutw interrupted the man, "ain't
you never heard O Mary Magdaleeng She
was"-he hesitated, embarrassed-'w
than you he" he finally said; "and our
Lord be forpave her sins 500 years ago.
an you needn Z tell me he IS been lOokin down
on this earth ali the time sence without
gettin sadder and sorrier for them that
goes wrong. Thorc want no shop girls
gettin s. and % a week an tryin to live de-
cent on that when he was here, else he'd
probably have fors",s more than wot he
did.
There. there, now, don't take on so.
Come alons to our barracks. It's nice and
warm there, for the poor creature was sob
bling and shiveriu- now. THE girls they'll
talk to you better than wot l can, for I'm
only a rough sort Of a chap at best"
Together the two passed down the street
and disappeared through the doorway OF
the big, low building of the Salvation
Army headquarters
There was moments hush in the great
room, then sound Of weeping, and sud
denly the air was smote with a crash OF
cymbals, drums and tambourines, and there
was borne out on the chilly air a deafening
clamor through which ran the thread of
gospel tune, "fhcre Were Ninety and Nine. "
Chicago Tribune
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

A tombstone in country churchyard
bears the inscription, "She was so pleas
ant" After all. could it have been more
fully or better said? The stranger as well
As the intimate knows that the dead
woman was one who brought cheer with
her wherever she came and frightened
The joyless day with her sunny presence.
One may not sigh if fame, riches, attain
ments are missed if $50 pleasant" is said
of us by and by.-New York Times.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
REAL ESTATE TRANSFERS

The following are the latest real estate
transfers recorded, as furnished by the
abstract Office Of 5. l.. Butler corner Rail
road avenue and Holly street:
THURSDAY, APRIL %, 1898
NJ Daudt to David Love, lots and T.
blk %, FentOn's add to New WhatcOm
$3.50.
Hugh Eldridge TO VIM Lemm, part oil
the Marston 2-acre tract: 81.
l. ID Drake and wife to o L Barnes, LOT
3, blk 4, Central Geneva; $50.
w i Baker to b W Loring, part of blks
| and 2. Baker & LOring's 2nd add 70
Drayton: 81
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
ChiInren,s "Fads.u

An interesting thing about children is q
way they have OF taking up and dropping
what is called in people 'fads." A passion
ate inclination for doing some one thing
will seize them, and the fond parents arc
often led thereby to construct upon this
1imsy basis future artists, poets and scien
lists, only 70 find themselves gazing in rue
full astonishment upon an array of very
commonplace boys and girls later on
Washington Star
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

"New York is a great city"
gCan't hold a candle TO Chicago"
sour architectural beauties are unap-
preached"
Nonsense. Chicago beats her all hollow
on architecture"
"But our streets are filthy"
"Ah, yes, but you should see Chic-eh,
by the way. have you the right timer--
Harper's Bazaar.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

Not bad incident for comic opera was
the arrest Of the entire police force of lit
tie Texas town on charge OF vagraucy.
This charge was preferred by the wives OF
the two men who constitu; 90 thu force,
doubtless with the consent &C. trr culprits,
as It enabled the men to {, t. ',at they
had received only S12 pay al I've iioLu =
and could not support their la.rilios CT
at.--New York Sun.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
A COMPLETE Outfit.

Choteau from st. Louis)-Tm going
to New York for a month, and want a
couple of collars.
Clerk-Will two be enough for a whole
month, sir?
Choteau (desperately)-Well, make it
three.-Truth.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
HOTEL ARRIVALS

:. AT The FAIRHAvEN-E l. Day. New
York; Smith and wife. Chicago: VIM M
geifries and wife, Tacoma: o u Williams.
Everett; e f Parsons, Chicago; II n
Rich, 9 F Green. Ladders, Cal: g Lnbke,
Harry loft, Seattle; + J Calef. Chicago.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

A servant girl was once given some
macaroni by her mistress to prepare for
she table. Noticing the girls surprise
he lady asked:
Didn't you cook macaroni at your
asst placer
"Cook it2 We used them things 10
Asht the FIRE withr-Exchange.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
A WAY Out of 1t.

He-I am desperately in love with a
young lady, but her sister always comes
into the room at the wrong moment.
She-I see. If you could only get rid
of the sister, you would be all right,
wouldn't you?
He (eagerly)-Yes.
She-Then why don't you propose to
her frst?-Club
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

A man who had been appointed re-
ceiver went to a lawyer and asked:
"Out of 100000 passing through his
hands how much ought receiver to
profit"
"well, about $4,000" was the reply.
"Only $40, OOOY' he exclaimed. who
is to get the other $1,000, I'd like to
know" Texas Siftings.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

Little Girl don't want to go to
school today. It was freezing cold there
yesterday.
Mother-Then why didn't the teacher
dismiss school?
"Oh, she was warm enough. She kept
herself warm walliin around tn room
and marking us when we moved
Good News.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
Micht Re Worse.

"By jove," said Lighter as he stepped
off of the scales, 1--WE lost five poundsl"
"You oughtn't to kick about that" re-
marked Brightside; suppose you had
been an Englishman. Life.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

Dogs are not the only ANIMALS emo
tionally affected by music. Cats some
times show great fondness for playing
and singing, though music does not ap-
pear to affect them to the point of howl
ing.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

A man falls on the icy pavement and
breaks his leg; he carries quart of milk
in tin pail without cover; he does not
lose drop of it.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
FAIRHAVEN WEATHER
Rccorded bn Hcnrn Enahern

THURSDAY. April 13-Temperature. :
a. m. AZ p. m, 50; p. M, As; mean tenn
perature. 40 Barometer, morning, 30 l2;
evening 3O22
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria.
When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria.
When she had Children, sslo gave them Castoris.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
If you want good laws, elect good men
to make them.

The Fifty-second congress added GEO
new laws to the list on the United States
ctatuta hanLs
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15

Appers Partisan Enamel. For the
Creation of a perfect Complexion, The
favorite French Cosmetic.
AppePs Complexion Cream Eradi-
Gates Wrinkles, and gives to the Skin the
Texture OF youth.
AppePS Skin Bleach, Eradicates all
blemishes, and discolorations of the skin such
as Tan, Sunburn, Freckles, Swarthy, and
greasy appearance of the face
ApPeps oriental Powder i'm Flesh.
White, Pink and Cream shades, gives to the
face beautiful clear and transparent APP
pearance.
Appers Natural Blush The only Rouge
true to nature, when applied to the face or
lips, cannot be detected, put upin two shades
Light for Blondes Dark for Brunettes.
The Appel Cosmetic Co. san Francisco, Cal.
"A pamphlet on how to Create complexion free,
and goods For Sale BY
HARDY q SEAMAN, Druggists, Mason Blk
kt6 49, opp. "The Falrhaven."o
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-15
IAN ENGLISH CRITIC.
A KIND THOUGH RATHER FRANK
OPINION OF AMERICANS.

Our Hospitality Is Charming, but Our Chill
dren and Young People Appear In Bad
Light-A Word About AngIomaniacs.
Drawing Room Talk.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-10-28
THEY ALL DO 1T.
How Woman Treated Baby Going
Three Blocks.


How a Woman Treated a Baby Going
Three Blocks.
A woman got into Cold Spring car
yesterday afternoon. She was carrying
sweet faced baby. which was not more
than months old.
The car was detained on the corner
where the woman got on, and she shifted
around nervously in her seat for mo
ment and then began to toss the baby
about, Here is true description Of
what she did with the child while the car
was going three blocks:
Held it upright on one knee for 80
seconds. then shifted it to the other
knee.
Pulled it up against her and hugged it
twice.
Tossed it on her left shoulder and
then shifted it to her right shoulder.
Held it up to the window and then
stood it up on her lap.
Made a cradle out of her arms and
jumped it up and down about six times
Placed it on her left knee, then put it
on her right knee.
Laid it on its stomach in her lap.
Rugged it to her bosom and patted ii
seven times
Held it up at the car window again,
then pulled it over to her left shoulder,
shifted it to her right shoulder and
wound up by dumping it on her lap.
Tossed it in the air dozen times and
hugged it four or five times.
Laid it on its back in her lap and then
turned it SO that it lay on its stomach.
Patted it for minute and hummed
''Hush-a-by, Baby" although the child
wasn't making sound.
Put it on her knee and joggled her
knee up and down, shook it in front OF
her, holding it out at arms length, and
then hugged it ecstatically three times.
Held it up to the window for the third
time, and then when the conductor came
after the fare laid it in mussy lump on
the seat beside her.
Patted it some more, joggled it some
more, tossed it some more and Topped it
down on its stomach again.
Held it out at arms length and gazed
at it rapturously. Talked gibberish to
it and hugged it some more.
| And all this while the car was going
three cks.-Buffalo Express.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-10-28
1t Was a Lesson.

There is no profession which does not
require certain amount of tact. There
is a popular impression that all dentist
has to do is to to go ahead and hurt
people. But this is not the sole condition
on which his success depends. A Wash
ington man has just opened dental
parlor. After much waiting, a customer
came along. 1t was an old friend, but
he did not act sociably. The dentist felt
that it was his duty to be affable, and he
said:
Good morning. You are looking ex-
ceedingly well today"
The visitor put his hand to his jaw
and glared.
81 look exceedingly-well todayw
"Yes-that is to say-you"- But be-
fore he could think of anything the GUS
toner had grabbed his hat and slammed
the door.
Then the dentist muttered: II have
learned one thing today. Nothing rouses
the indignation of man with tooth
ache SO much as to tell him he is looking
we'll"
And he got some red ink and stub
pen and wrote it down so that he would
never forget it.-Washington Star.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-10-28
What He Helped At.

The congressman was telling stories
''It was on me once" he said. 81 had
friend who was dry as humorist, but
not always dry as a drinker, and when
he was full he did foolish things. One
of these was to buy jackass for $500,
and when he sobered up and knew what
he had done he sold him back to the
original seller for $400. Naturally the
loss of 800 made him sore, and he did
not like to be twitted about it. One day
| saw him on mule waiting in front of
store, and l spoke to him. He was
just full enough to be serious.
"Hello, said, and he responded with
nod.
"'You are judge of that sort of ami
NAL you are riding, aren't your
"I don't know that am particularly
SO, he said earnestly.
"'I thought you were in the business
"tNo, amt"
"Didn't you buy jack for $500 not
long ago?'
"The crowd that had gathered Gig
gled, and he looked moro serious than
ever.
"'Yes did, he answered solemnly.
"'What did you do with him?' asked,
with wink at the crowd to be ready. :.
"IIe looked at me solemnly.
81 helped elect him to congress- he
said, without a smile, and the howl that
went up made mo seek shelter in the
nearest place that could be found. y
Detroit Free Press.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-10-28
SHREWD BARNEY BlollN.
1t Was Politics For Hitn Not to Know Er.
Judge Dittenhoefer.

Judge Dittenhoefcr.
Most of the stories worth printing
about the famous Chicago convention of
1850 have been published, but here is one
that seems to be new: Ex-Judge Ditten-
hoefer was in Chicago working against
Grant and third term. Bernard Big
lin was there in the interest of Grant.
Both were old personal friends. Tho
night before the balloting began Biglin
Rnd two Others were appointed COM
mittee to look after several southern
delegations, among them being the Ken
tuciy delegation.
When Biglin and his associates ar
rived at the Kentucky headquarters, they
found that Dittenhoefer had got ahead
of them. He had the floor and was de-
hvering strong speech against Grant,
saying, among other things, that Grant
could not carry New York. Biglin saw
that Dittenhoefer's remarks were having
great weight, and he realized that he
was no match for him as talker. What
to do to break the force of Dittenhoefer'
speech was the problem that confronted
Biglin. This was the method he se-
lected. In the midst of Dittenhoefer's
peroration Biglin called out in loud
voice, who is that MANI"
"Why, he is ex-Judge Dittenhoefer of
New York." said member of the Ken
lucky delegation.
"Oh, no; that's not Judge Dittenhoe-
fer" said Biglin. ~ know Judge Often
hoefer well. This man may pretend to
be Dittenhoefer to strangers, but he
knows better than to try to work any
such racket with New Yorkers. tell
you he's fraud"
Biglin's remarks made q sensation.
Suspicious glances were cast at Often
hoefer by members of the Kentucky del
egation. The former got red in the face
and walked up to Biglin. Barney" he
said, holding out his hand, "that's a
pretty good joke of yours, not to know
me-"
"Joke," shouted Biglin in contempt.
"It's no joke, I can tell you. l will just
bet you $50 that you are not Judge Dit
tenhoefer of New York" Biglin flour
ished a $40 bill in Dittenhoefer's face
Of course he had to accept the chal-
lenge. The money was put up in the
hands Of a member of the delegation.
Dittenhoefer hurried away to get some
one to identify him. When he returned,
Biglin had disappeared, likewise the
stakeholder. After the convention Dit
tenhoefer met Biglin in the hotel corri-
dor. "What did you mean," he said,
"by saying you did not know me that
night at the Kentucky headquarters"
"What did you mean," said Biglin,
"by saying that Grant could not carry
New York;"
"That was politics" answered Ditten-
hoefer.
"Well," said Biglin, sit was politics
my not knowing you"
Dittenhoefer and Biglin are still
friends. York Press.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-10-28

Everybody is familiar with the music
of the katydid. 1t is the male that has
the voice At the base of each wing
cover is thin membraneous plate. He
clcvates the wing covers and rubs tho
two plates together. IF you could rub
your shoulder blades together, you could
initiate the operation very nicely
Washington Star.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-08-10
Mr.. HoWELLS AT HIS POST.


We are in receipt of the Western
Mail, newspaper printed at Cardiff in
Wales, giving an account of the arrival
of the new U. s. Consul at Cardiff. All
our readers will be interested in read
ing of Mr.. Howell's safe arrival and cor
dial reception in the land of his birth.
We quote from the Western MALL
"The Hon. Anthony Howells, of
President Cleveland to the American
Consulate at Cardiff, arrived on Wed
nesday night. On Thursday afternoon
Western Mail representative sought
him out and gave him q Cymric well
come to "yr hen wlad." The hon. gen.
tleman was engaged in an absorbing
conversation with DIR. Joseph Parry.
They were talking about old times, and
they had plenty to talk about, for they
were born within a few miles of each
other-the Hon. Anthony Howells at
Dowlais and DR.. Parry at Merthyr.
Howells, whose locks and beard are
rapidly whitening, spoke with decided
American accent, but when he broke
into the mellifluous Language of Eden"
and he still speaks Welsh with ease
and huency-this mannerism completes
ly disappeared.
what do you think Of the Cardiff of
today ?" asked our reporter.
II was in Cardiff 81 years ago." was
the reply, "and was then too young to
remember much about it," (Mr. How
ellis, 1t may be paranthetically stated,
was born at Dowlais in the year 1882. J
1t has changed since then," continued
the speaker. IT have not had the op-
portuniry of seeing much of 1t as yet,
but have already seen sufficient of 1t
to feel surprised at its size. came
here expecting to find town of $4,000
inhabitants, but / am told Cardiff's in
habitants now number over 10000. 1
left Wales when was between seven.
teen and eighteen years of age, in 1850,
and did not visit it again until the win
ter of 1854"
"The Hon. Anthony Howells is to be
heartily congratulated upon the posi-
ton he has attained-a position won
enterely by dint of his own persever-
ance. When he left Dowlais for Amer
lea he was lad In humble circum-
stances, but his grit soon enabled him
to work his way up step by step along
the social ladder until he had risen to
fill the Office of Senator and Treasurer
OF the State of Ohio"
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-08-10
SILVER GRAN KS.

The Toledo Commercial, the only
morning paper in Toledo and North
western Ohio, has been investigating
the state of the public conscience in
that section for, 10, these many weeks,
and now perpetrates the following edi-
t0rial on the silver question, in its issue
Of Aug 6, 1893. We quote:
President Cleveland may be right.
1t Is possible that we cannot sustain
silver as money when it is discarded by
the nations of the old world. We are
not sure. We do not know what Is to
be the final outcome. But as q people
remembering the tremendous advan-
tages we place In the hands of England
and other European countries, we
should say that policy on our part to
deliberately destroy silver as money
would be but little short of suicide and
crime, such as has been denounced by
the most trusted leaders of both the
political parties"
And now, in the Cleveland Leader of
the same date, we find the word "Silver
Cranks" applied to all who believe with
the Commercial. In other words Re-
publicanism on the Cuyahoga de.
nounces Republicanism on the Maumee
as crankism.