Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-03-16

w. "a. Slviter in Harper's Magazine:
Now" said the editor OF the ono
hosh Genius OF Liberty to his reporter.
IN your work l shall look for q calm.
dlspassionate statement OF fact. NV
paper Is noted for its veracity, and ma
exaggeration is allowed on any sub.
lect. DO you think you understand
that clearly"
eyes, SIR
Then you may attend the skim.
gHiiet-Dumsqui1zic wedding, which
taxes place at noon today, and III
see how you handle it," said the edi-
tor, turning to his desk.
This is what the new reporter
handed in after the festivities were
over.
III is the custom of most newspa-
pers, In giving accounts Of local we'd
olngs, to speak OF the bride as beauti-
ful, even If she is as ugly as a mud
fence. The Genius of Liberty scorns
such fiattery, however. II a woman
Is beautiful we hesitate not to say so.
nut If she is not it is not u fault
we proclaim the fact. We wish we
could say that Miss Melinda Dunn
squlz2Ie, who became Mrs. Dennis
skimgullet at noon today, was love
ly IN form and feature. but we can
not. While we have seer uglier girls.
1t must be conceded by all impartial
observers that brick dust hair and a
multitude Of freckles do not look well
on a bride. However, she did the
best she could under the circum-
stances in wearing a tolerably thick
veil, and rugged out as she was. in a
dress of cream satin, looked quite
~preSentable at a distance. Hardly so
much can be said Of her husband.
who walked with a limp, and whose
Sparsely settled chin vhiskers of a
pale dun color would have improved
his appearance if they had been
SHAVED off. We ascertained by care
ful inquiry that Skimgullet is old
enough to be his wife's father, and
has, in point Of fact, committed the
oflense Of matrimUny twice before.
Some say that both his former wives
were starved TO death: others, that
he worked them to death. Which is
correct, the Genius of Liberty does
not pretend TO say. The statements
are given for what they may be worth.
What Miss DumsquiZzle saw in him
to marry is a mystery, unless she
thought she would be more success
full than her predecessors in getting
hold OF the money which he is said to
keep buried somewhere on his farm.
We heard it said that her father
owed Skimgullet $l35, and that the
latter threatened TO have him ar
rested on a charge Of forgery if he did
not get Melinda to marry him; but
this statement has not been verified
yet. The presents were not very
numerous, and the most expensive
one that we saw was a peach-blow vase
worth a dollar at retail. The couple
left on the accommodation for a
bridal tour Of two days to Podunk.
We asked the Rev. Y. f. Geticks
how much the groom gave him for
tying The knot, and he said seventy
five cents. This. therefore, can be
relied upon as Official"
Young man." said the editor, after
reading the reporters account, ''you
are far too high a genius to bury
your talent in a small place like
Quohosh. ] would like to keep you,
but | am sure that would be doing
you an injustice. | think you had
better go to New York, where your
talents will be appreciated as they
deserve. And, by the way, when you
go to the station to buy your ticket,
avoid making the fatal mistake OF
buying a return ticket. We are fond
of yCr, but not so very fond that ab-
sence could fail to increase it,.