The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-01-17
JUNGLE BILL" AND HIS CURES.
His Advice to Young People-How 10 Stop
Hiccoughs.

JUNGLE BILL" AND HIS CURES.
His Advice to Young Peopls-How TO Stop
Hiccoughs.
The boat glided along in a silence
broken only by the steady splash of
Uncle Bills" oars, and the two Young
people in the stern, strangers 10 the old
man, had ceased their low conversation
and were watching the great red sun
sink behind the Dunderberg. II was
the ending of perfect day, and as the
light craft moved slowly along the
eastern shore of the river through
water flushing under the departing
glory of the orb of day" the beauty OF
the scene impressed the young people
and they did not care 20 talk. Then.
as the fiery god hid mis- face behind the
rugged crest of the thunderer," the
clouds floating above it blazed with
golden light, and formed a gorgeous
diadem for the mountain. Slowly the
brightness went out of the sky and the
evening shadows were creeping down
the sides of Dunderberr, when Uncle
Bill, rolling his huge ''chaw terbacker'
in MS capacious jaws. remarked:
''Hev yer got any objection. sir, to my
askin' question wot amt none err my
business?"
The young man started.
Hey? why no, guess not: what is
ito"
We'll" said the seer. solemnly. as a
dark-brown stream shot from his lips
and diseolOred the blushing water; ''it' 5
this, be you married TO that young
lady? cause if va are, advise you to
get another one, fer she amt goin' ter
live long-she's got ther gaps"
Got the what?" demanded the
astounded young man, while his com
panion opened her blue eyes in I'M
bounded establishment.
''Ther gaps" replied Uncle Bill, 3"
cheerfully; lies like chickens have 'em.
She's got 'em sure; seen 'er gap four
or FIVE times in Their last half n hour
People what's got the gaps wants ter
be maxim Their will; an tell yer agin,
yer wanter be lookin' out fer mother
one"
AS he finished, a sympathetic grin
stole over his face, for the cousins, who
not only We're not married, but who
had no particular affection for each
other, were convulSed. The old man S
remark threw them at once into a par
oxysm of mirth which they could not
master They laughed until they were
forced to stop from sheer WEAKNESS.
Uncle Bill' looked pleased at the
effect his words had produced. and as
both his auditors had grown redder
than the glowing west with excessive
laughter, he evidently thought he had
struck home. When the objects of his
uncalled-for remarks had partially re-
covered, he said, half apologeticaliy:
I've bin boatin' on the river so long
that l alluz talks ter people like that
so yer mustn't mind it
''Oh, we don't mind it, / assure you, "
returned the young man. $50 you are
doomed, Lulu; you must be, if you've
got the gaps"
Then they went off into another fit
Of laughter.
An occasional involuntary "snicker'
from ono or the other as they recalled
the ludicrous advice was the only sound.
except the rhythmical splash of the
oars, heard during the next fifteen min
utes. Then "Uncle Bill" who had
son whom he had SO confidently as
serted was going into decline on ac-
count of 1.-The gaps" broke out tri-
umphantly.
''Fhat cured her; she amt gaped
wunz since"
"What?" came from the youth, in a
voice beginning to shake.
why, sayin' wot l did. It's jes the
same with hiclsups. You know wot
hickups is; hicSups-anybo dy's likely
to hev them Do yer know how ter
cure emp"
The young man mentioned few
ways he knew about-holding the
breath, drinking cold water, etc
"Um-ya-as," assented the old man,
slowly; "but them ways amt much
good for bad hickups. Their bes' wav
TO cure real bad hickups is this way:
Suppose had the hickups; or you had
'em; or this young lady-anybodv's
likely to have 'em, yer know; well,
now, spose this young lady had 'em
bad; you come into Their room where
she is an say to her: That's er nice
thing you bin sayip' bout me, amt it?'
Thstu cure her; it'll make 'er mad.
Same way with Their gaps-make EN-
mad an it'll cure EN-"
His shrieking auditors had not fin
shed laughing when the boat ran
alongside the float. and as they stepped
out on it and started of, the old man
called after them:
''Well, if yer amt married to that
young lady. an are only goin' ter, adj
wise We ter git another gal, cause that.
one wont last lonC-shes got the