Morning journal and courier., 1893-02-27
GETTING MARRIED IN FRANCE.
Curious Mafrfm onfa1 Customs which
Dispense Altogether with the De-
Ifghtfui Preliminary or Courtship.
PARIS Feb q

Dispense Altogether with the Ne
Ifghtfui Preliminary OF Courtshfp
PARIS, Feb. s.
Tothe Editor OF the JOURNAL AND courrrn:
The marriage customs Of France are de
eidedly peculiar. To describe them intel
ugently we must refer frst Of all 10 thos
delightful preliminaries of wedlock whicl
are summed up In America under the gen
eral name of courtship. At once, how
ever, difficulty arises, for the things en-
brsced In that name to American thought,
are conspicuous by their absence. In oul
country we always think of courtship q
something which has for its basis an inti
mate companionship between the two par
ties, and which finds its expression ir
quiet moonlight walks and In the occasion
al monopoly of the parlor together. Some
where, too, are American lovers brought
face to face during their oourtship with {
great crisis. As rule they dread this In
anticipation, but 1t usually turns out to b,
anything but q dreadful ordeal In prsc
tice. What We refer to Is the custom com
monty spoken of as popping the ques
ton" 1t will be noted. too, that Ameri.
can candidates for matrimonial felicity are
referred TO, In what We have said of them.
as lovers; which, as general thing, is
emphstically what they are, and what a
strong popular sentiment requires them to
be. These are our time-honored American
notions, and they are go much enjoyed as
a rule, and seem to be so necessary to q
proper adjustment of things matrimonial,
that we can hardly conceive how Ii weuld
be possible TO get along without them.
But the French manage to do SO. 1t
Will seem like singular statement, but 1t
is only the truth to say, that in the upper
and middle classes of this country, court
ship, as We understand 1t, is almost entire
ly unknown The preIiminaries of we'd
lock are sll arranged By third parties.
One Is spared here the happy wretchedness
of falling in love as well as the miserable
delight of making personal proposal. 1t
would seem indeed as though love cut
scsrcsly any figure In the arrangements,
and as to moonlight rambles, with only
the moon for witness, young couples in
France-from fear either of the man in
the moon OF man in the abstract-are for
hidden such things. Custom, in fact, Ia
so very strict that ii does not allow them
to be alone together for even a quiet tete a
tete In the drawing room. Nor is this all;
but it is only under strict system of pa
rental oversight that the couple are per
mitted 20 correspond with each other.
One wonders how, under a system like
this, the matrimonial ranks are ever re.
cruited, and this query opens the way for
some further astonishing statements. The
celibate state is more common than with
US. In America the presumption would
be, with reference to the average young
man of fair prospects in life, that after
a while be will take unto himself better
half, whereas in France one would be war
ranted in promising, unless the young man
had expressed distinct purpose to the
contrary, that he would remain single.
AS to girls, 1t would really seem as though
theis chance of getting married depended
entirely upon how much money they have.
To speak here of the matrimonial mar
ket" is not a misnomer. There are excep-
tions to all rules, but these exceptions do
not invslidate the rule, and the rule in
France Is that girl who Ia well brought
up, but whose parents or friends are una
BILE to give her dowry, will not be trou-
bled with an offer of marrisge. She could
easily enough pick up husband from the
classes she holds to be bsneath her, but
the caste feeling Is as rigid in France as
are the marriage customs, and hence our
well raised, we'll educated French Rirl,
lacking a respectable dot, as it is called,
will presumably live on 10 the end OF her
DAYS In single blesssdueEs
From this rule of exscting dowry with
his wife one can hardly except even the
humblest workman Ths bride must al
ways bring something TO the union. IL
che Is 80 poor as not to have q few hun
dred francs laid up for her wedding day.
then her dot will technically consist of her
and possibly a few articles of
furniture, with, psrohsncs, a skilful pair
of hands, and an understanding on both
sides that she Is to help out on household
expenses by daily labor in some shop.
And here, by the way, lie a suggestion of
the argument which the French offer In
j Justification of this custom. What they
say is, that amongst the poorer classes the
wages of the man are so low that, but for
help from the other side of the house, Ii
would he impossible for the married con
pie to subsist, aud in regard 10 those who
ate higher up In the social scale. the diff
Guilty, they say, Is the same Young men
in an ordinary way of business get scarce
ly enough TO support themselves, and to
undertake the support of another, with
out d proper provision for an increase of
funds, would be an act of imprudeut
rashness; especially as French women are
fond of luxury and nave such extrava-
CANT tastes in dress- This is the putting
of the case from the French point of
view, and 1t is surely plausible If not
entirely satisfactory.
To this custom must be credited
large measure Of the proverbial French
thrift. The advent of girl baby into the
family marks a new era IN household man
sgement. This atom of humanity, If che
Is finally to marry, must have a dot. and
even thus early do the thoughtful parents
begin to economiks and lay by in order to
provide this requisite. Another effect IL
has on French life IL to make wives to
very large extent partners with their hus-
bands In business. The wife generally IN
vests her marriage portion In this way,
aud having q decided penohsnt-ss nearly
all French women hsve-for careful finan-
ceering, she generally also retains con-
troll over her investment by means of q
legal partnership. In other ways the eff
fects are less gratifying The girl who
has an ample dowry at her command.
being prepared TO give much, will nstu-
rally expect muoh in return. She viii
always demand the equivalent of what
her own fortune amounts to, and her pa
rents, who really have the control of this
matter, will often stand ont for much
more. Hence she is more likely than not
to find herself tied for life to man nearly
twice her own age; sort of marriage
which is hardly ever conducive to either
happiness or good morals, and which In
France, II all r'ports are true, is deci-
dedly conducive, in very many csses, to
the opposite of these conditions.
The effect upon young men and wo-
men is more lsmentable still Single
If self imposed for conscien-
tious reasons, ia state of life which
presents few dangers and which may
open to some perscns extraordinary op-
portunities of usefulness. When. how
ever, vast masses of young people, with
no inclinstions toward such life, hpd
themselves condemned TO it by arbitrary
laws or rigid social customs, the results
must be bad. and only bad both for the
large; and that results of this kind are
not wanting In France IL only too dread
fully apparent whether you GEEK them In q
certain class of statistics, or draw your es-
innate from what you see and hear In the
large cities of this nation. Bat this is a
topic quite too unsavory 10 be enlarged
upon, and, besides, We have undertaken 10
sketch at this time, not the results Of
French marriage customs, but the customs
themselves.
The usual course with the young m.n is,
as we have hinted. to first make up his
he will ur4n