The record-union., 1893-03-11
SAN FRANCISCO STOCK MARKET.
SAN FRANCISCO, March 10, 1898.
A TOUGH CASE.

The keepers all, in slippered feet,
Tread softly in the ZOO;
NJ. ID. S III consultation meet.
And things look mighty blue"
Rhinoceros is sick-ah me!
Lies at the point OF death.
Heart failure threatens, or he may
Die iust for want of breath.
The doctors shake their puzzled heads,
They know not what to do;
They're paid so much per ton, it's said,
To pull the patient through.
Their consultations are in vain,
In vain they drug and dose;
Too huge his symtomS for their skill,
Too big to diagnose.
i homeopath his pellet case q.
Hath emptied DER and DER;
The invalid but rolled his eyes
And op'ed his jaws for more.
An ailopath, OF ancient school,
Hath vast prescriptions made;
A druggist put them up, and then.
Enriched, retired from trade.
Eclectic doctors, when called in,
Come near his life TO lose,
They know not which of all the paths
In such a case to choose.
NJ. DIS that make the throat and lungs
Their specialties, essay
Cocaine, Observation-Disclosures.
Street-gas, benZoate-spray;
Chloride-ofsodium, carbonate
OF lime and creOsOte;
Cod liver oil, hypophosphites;
(Ah, woe! mis- lun 5 and throat)
The liver doctors diagnosed
For hebetud- of mind,
For coated tongue; tor "bilious stater:
These remedies they find:
Citrates, tartrates and carbonates:
NuX-Y1micO, "blue-maSS'';
Podopuylin and Quackle's pills;
Bi-carbonate potass.
The kidney doctors gave him milk,
CantnarideS and whey;
He nearly died on iodide
OF EotaSs, thrice day.
Pilule asa1edit8,
PilulP aloes,
Catharticte composite,
Jalape pulVeres.
They dosed him Tor paralysis;
For phthisis, menengitis;
Tlc-douloureauX and rheumatic;
ScabieS, appendicitis;
Scerosls, diabetes, Group;
"Dispepsy," stOmach-aches
Typhoid, gastritis, tetanus;
For ''ianders' and the ''shakes."
An alieuist insists, deere S.
He ought to be trephined;
That done, no doubt, upon his brain
A chicken-bone we'll find"
Another cries II know full well
What makes the beast so sick. sir.
He's growing old, but all he needs
is Bro Tn-Sequard's Elixir"
y snake-bIte doctor says: "He's drunk:
I'll cure him, young or old;
III sober that rhinoceros
With bi-chloride OF gold"
A fourth cries: 'Prey 10 bacilIi:
With kochs lymph let's inject him:
If he should die, the cause Wen find
When we come to dissect him"
They clapt Y blisters to his back.
Y plasters to each side,
Electric belts around his waist.
And liver pads they tied
In vain, in vain, tits all in vain:
The patient iaileth fast,
They thought him dying when he slent
Each breath they deemed his last
Alacl<, Alas, A-well-a-dayI
Rhinoceros, thou art sped.
ClotHo stops spinning, Atropos
Stands by to cut thy thread.
M0rS potttdd, ,ceQtO puLSGt
Pede, TeguIHque tlt-reS
IdbelTtdS pduperlt1I: ct te
Il d jnferHOS HLlIc hurries.
The doctors all throw up their hands.
a priest is called to shrive:
The undertaken stands without:
When-Gracious sal1es. alivel
The weeping keepers round about
The couch of death all cry
'He breathes, he lives he smiles. he Vrinks
Nlnks with the other eye."
Rhinoceros, upon his bed.
Gives one almighty stretch,
And bids his keepers dressing-gown
And slippers four to fetch.
"Gadzooks ~ the waking beast remarked
Defiance in his eye
"What are yer givin' us? I'll be dead
If here longer lie.
1t takes the constitution of
a pachydeTm like me
10 Taar stand your dosing and your drugs,
You make me weary" And he vawned
Twice opened he his face:
And doctors all, both great and small.
Fled from that dreadful place:
Fled from that place where pachyderrn
Through them had near expired.
But lived to say their drugs and they
Had only made him tired.
NY. Times