davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15
LAUGH AND GROW FAT.
A HEALTHY TONIC FOR IN
VALIDS or ALL KINDS.

Humorous Anecdotes Cleaned from VaTi-
Gus Sources something to Read which
VIII Make Anybody Sleep wolI-Bettor
Than Medicine when Taken Before RO-
firing. y
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15

THE Windy City is about having a
Chinese'newspaper. Let us hope there
won't be any public washing Of dirty
linen In Its columns.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15
PhiIlipsburg Herald

SLoTH, like rust, consumes faster
than labor wears, while the key often
used Is always bright.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15

ANOTHER mythical character has
gone to join William Tell. The At
lanta Constitution says there is no
such person as Dink Bolts.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15
Dean

Meadows-Yes; this is Lonesome
hurst. 1t was laid out last spring.
Street-It was? Well, what are
they waiting for? Why don't they
bury it?-Puck.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15

PRocRAsTINAT1oN is still, the thief
Of time. Day by day it steals the
profits Of the man who waits to adj
vertise until tomorrow.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15

OF all game birds In this country
the extinction of the baseball foul
might be least regretted.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15

MASSACHUSETTS may be a little be-
hind on Federal offices, but 1t is toll
erably sure Of dollar gas.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15

THE person who especially points
with pride" is the girl with the new
engagement ring on her finger.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09


brought from Langtr, !, the own nearest
the bridge, to hold "crow er's quest. ..
The Judge arrived with great concourse
OF people, all anxious to serve on: the
jury. Proceedings were begun by exam
lining the body Of the dead man., Upon
his body was found a loaded revolver
aud $40 in cash. Perceiylng these, the
Judge said: "There ain t nothing to do
about this case, gentlemen OF the jury.
The mans dead, and it's perfectly plain
how he met his death. But what I want
to know is, what was he doing with that
gun? That's against the law of Texas.
He amt here to explain; but because q
man takes it into his head to put on
wings and mount to the skies is no rea-
son why the great state of Texas should
be defrauded. Law is law, and justice is
justice. I fine him $40 for carrying
deadly weapon" 1t is needless to say
that the fine was paid.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09

The president OF the Minnesota Iron
company paid an official visit to the
shops at this place an Saturday last.
A large number availed of Labor Day
as legal holiday to take part in the
ceremonies held in Duluth by the labor
organizations on Monday.
Mr. J..Fulton, Of Brainerd, MINI who
has been on visit with his brother
Frank, conductor of the D. & I. r. R. r.,
for some time, has returned to his home.
The public school assumed work on
Tuesday after the summer vacation.
The school board secured the services OF
Prof. J.. Giles for the ensuing school term
as principal.
! Miss Kate Thornton, of West Superior,
Wis, is visiting Mr.. and Mrs. Ed Doug
las this week, previous to her departure
for Tacoma, Wash, where she intends
| making her future home.
A very pleasant party was given at the
Lake View Hotel on Friday evening by
Mrs. E. Douglas, the genial proprietrese
of the Hotel, and was one Of the most
sociable events of the season. A select
orchestra under the direction of Prof. f
J. Flood, furnished the music.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
The Power Of Rome.

Sunday evening, Aug. p, Rev. VIM.
w. Wilkinson, rector of st. Andrews
Episcopal church of this city, selected
for his theme ''The Power of Rome, ''and
delivered most interesting address on
the Catholic Church and the work it
has accomplished in the world. Rev.
Mr.. Wilkinson visited Rome few years
ago and gave series of sermons on his
return which were widely copied by the
Catholic press at the time. He is man
Of liberal views who gives credit to whom
it is due and refrains from controversial
wranging. In his discourse last Sunday
he said:
1t is the settled Judgment of men who
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
is the bosom Of liberty.

is the bosom Of liberty.
Wherefore, we urge the men and wo
men of the Irish race throughout the
Republic to attend the Worlds Colum-
bian Exposition on Irish day in numbers
80 grand as to make the occasion tra'y 9
demonstration of the race, and an event
of which the memory will be proud an d
lasting.
To this is appended the names Of
nearly one hundred of the representative
men OF the Irish race in Chicago.
Mr. John T. Heating is the secretary
of the general committee, and all COM
munications relating to the Irish day
should be addressed to him at McCoy's
Hotel, Chicago.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
Condemned BY Catholic Editors.

~S~sAA~AAS
Chicago, Sept. 6.-The Catholic editors
convention adopted the following resolu.
tiuns:
Whereas, The entire Catholic world
has been scandalized by series of an
onymous attacks upon exalted persons
which appeared in certain secular papers
and
Whereas, The Catholic people of the
United States have also been scandalized
by similar attacks, which have from time
to time appeared in papers under pro-
fessedly Catholic control; be it therefore
Resolved, That this convention OF
Catholic editors condemn the action OF
those papers which have allowed the
publication of said anonymous attacks;
and, be it further
Resolved, That it is the sense of this
convention of Catholic editors that no
communication of an anonymous char
acter or nature, which in a-derogatory
manner touch the personality of any in
dividual, should be admitted into the
columns of any Ca holic paper in this
country.
The following resolution, offered by
Father Malone, of the Colorado Catholic
was adopted unanimously:
Whereas, Much confusion IN the past
has existed in the American mind regard.
ing the attitude of the Romen Catholic
Church towards the public schools, be it
Resolved, That this convention ex-
presses it's great pleasure with the lucid
explanation on the subject as given by
his holiness, Leo KILL, and his accred-
tied delegate, Archbishop Satoll.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
Irish Wit and Humor.

One sad defect in Irish literature, says
Edward Brown, in .Lamp," is the ao-
sence OF a good collection of the spark
ling and humorous sayings for which
Irish men and women OF all ages have
been remarkable. Even down to the
present day they prevail in my lords cas-
tie and in lis servants hall. A story is
told that shortly before the termination
of Mr.. Balfour's chief secretaryship he
entertained among others Father Healy,
the wit of Bray. Mr.. Balfour asked
Father Healy if he thought the people of
Ireland disliked him as much as they
pretended, to which the vicar of Little
Bray replied. eff they only hated the
devil half as much, the priests of Ireland
might take long holiday"
Another story is told of His Grace, the
present Archbishop of Cashel, examin-
ing little peasant boy on the catechism,
and asking, What is matrimony?' The
little fellow could not remember the ex-
act words Of the answer, but, determined
not to be beaten, replied, 1.-TWO people
getting married, your Grace" Could
two little boys get married." pursued
the Archbishop. "Yis, your Grace"
GLOW is that?' "To two little girls. your
Grace"
Another instance of Irish wit may be
found in speech delivered by O'Connell
in his native Kerry, where, after deliver
ing an eloquent burst, drunken oppon-
emit shouted some Objectionable remark
O'Connell appealed to some of the audi
ence to take and show him the lakes of
Killarney. "The bottom Of them, coun-
sellorw as hewas familiarly called, said
a witty listener. "Oh, no,' said O'Con.
nell. 81 don't want to brighten the fish"
His anecdotes, with those of Curran
and the host of other wits who from
time to time adorned the Irish bar,
would fill good sized volume Dean
Swift was perfect master of satirical
wit and humor. He told the Irish peo-
pie to burn everything English but her
Goals" and in reply to an English lady
who praised the air Of Ireland, he said,
For goodness sake, don't tell them that
when you come back to England or they
will tax it on III" 81 II.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
THE JOCKEYS DEATH.
Patsy's Last Vision Was Race That Inter.
ested the World.

Patsy's Last Vision Was Race That Inter
ested the World.
There had been an accident that after
noon on the track, says the New Yorl
World. A fallen horse, cloud of duat
screams from the women and curses
from the men, small limp form carried
off on stretcher, and rumor had it that
jockey MCCARTHY was badly hurt.
At IL o'clock that night the track off
Gals at the club house were discussing
the meagre condition of the disabled
Jockeys fund, and Patsy Mccarthy lay
white and still upon an hospital cot, sur.
rounded by the stable owner and a fe i"
jockeys. The hospital physician had as
sured them that Patsy would not survive
the night, and with awed whispers and
anxious faces they waited for the end.
Suddenly the boy sat bolt upright in
bed, his face whittier than the coverlet,
his staring eyes burning with unnatural
lustre. With outstretched arms and
pointing finger he cried: "Do you see
them father? They're weighing inr'
The owner put his hand gently On Pat.
sy's shoulder, but sitting firm as an iron
bolt and with every muscle strained, he
cried again:
''They're Weighing in, father! Don't
you see them? England and Ireland for
Liberty handicap!'
Patsy had taken great interest in the
Home Rule struggle, and his mind was
wandering on that subject.
"They're at the post. father! Glad
stone up and fit to ride for his life!
"They're off! They're off and England
first by length!
England at the quarter by two lengths!
Oh, don't you see them?
England at the half by three lengths!
england at the three quarter by two
lengths! And it's q killing pace!
England at the mile by one length!
Look, father, look!
"England into the stretch by neck!
And look, they're both whipping!'
For second the boy paused, then
raising his hand high over his head he
cried in voice that rang throughout the
ward: ireland wins by neck" and
'alling back upon his pillow Patsy fin
shed his last race.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
GRATTAN'S GRAVE
Continued from First Page.

torrent from a waterlng-pot. I was I'M
able to support him. and he fell out of
my arms. think the wound must have
been inflicted as soon as I put my foot
on the threshold of the door, as its ma
ture was such that the extinction OF life
must have followed in the twinkling of
an eve. think that not less than two
quarts of blood flowed from him in one
minute am satisfied that minute
did not elapse from the moment of my
entering the room until he died, and dur
ing that time he said not word except
that which I have already mentioned.
A letter from the Duke of Wellington
to the King relating to Castlereagh was
produced at the inquest to support the
contention that the unfortunate man
was insane when he cut his throat, as,
according to Wellington, he had been in
sane for long time previously, and yet
Castlereagh was allowed to hold the very
important Office of secretary for foreign
affairs during bis madness. Anyway, the
jury returned the following somewhat
quaint and curious verdict:
''That on Monday, Aug. II, and for
some time previously, the Most Noble
Robert, Marquis of Londonderry, under
grievous disorder, did labor and Ian
guish, and become in consequence deliri-
GUS and of insane mind; and that whilst
in that state, with a knife of iron and
steel, he did infict on himself, on the
left side of his neck and of the carotid
artery, wound of one inch in length,
and half an inch in depth, of which he
Instantly died, and that no other person
except himself was the cause of his
DEATH"
The funeral of Castlereagh was the oc-
casion of an extraordinary hostile dem
onstration. As the coffin was being con-
veyed from the hearse to the abbey bowls
of execration were raised by the crowds,
and even inside the sacred building,
grooming and yelling continued during
the whole of the funeral service. Lord
Byron wrote:
So he has cut his throat at last! He: Who?
The man who cut his country's long ago.
50 Castlereagh has cut his throat! The worst
OF this is that his own was not the first
The monument in the abbey was erect
ed by his brother, Charles William Vane
who succeeded him in the Marquisate OF
Londonderry. Lecky in his LEADERS OF
Public Opinion in Ireland" says that the
stately form of Castlereagh seems to
bend in triumph over the unnoticed
grave of Grattan. Certainly when the
declining sun sheds it's last beams
through the windows of the aisle the
statue of the destroyer Of his country's
liberties and self-murder casts its black
shadow athwart the grave of the great
Irish patriot.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
SLOWLY DECREASING.

The Jansenists of Holland Gradually Dwin-
ding Away.
The Jansenists of Holland, the Only
living representatives of a once powerful
and always memorable schismatic move
ment, carefully keep up their old GUS
toms. Whenever they have a bishop
consecrated they send notification of
the fact to the Sovereign Pontiff, who
replies with solemn communication.
Last year they selected as their Arch
bishop of Utrecht certain Rev. Gerard
Gul, and he was consecrated by schis-
matte bishop. With what appears like
arrogance they officially notified the
Pope of this sacrilegious conservation.
His Holiness, by letter directed to
the real Archbishop of Utrecht, has just
lately declared that he has been looking
forward with hope to their return to the
bosom of the Church, but that he now
feels compelled to pass upon them the
sentence of excommunication. This pun
ishment is then formally inflicted not
only on the schismatic bishops, but on
all their followers and supporters.
The Jansenists of Holland are de-
scendants of those Dutch Catholics
whom Jansenist refugees from France
imbued with their principles in the sew
enteenth century. In 1859 Peter Kodde,
who had been appointed the Vicar Apps.
| tolic for the Dutch mission-after the
revolt from Spain the Hierarchy was
Observation-Disclosures the Jansenist
cause, and in 1902 he was suspended by
Clement XII. The schismatic prelate de-
clared that he had been chosen Arch
bishop of Utre 'ht by the chapter of that
See. although it had no proper claim to
the title of Cathedral Chapter. and
with him fifty-two missions and eighty
priests fell away from communion with
the Roman See.
The schism has lasted from that time
to the present day, and it's votaries are
remarkablein this respect that with the
exception Of their Jansenistical errors
they are still Roman in their doctrines,
liturgy, usages and practices. Their or
ders are valid, their clergy are celibate,
they celebrate the mass and other ser
vices in Latin, and acknowledge the
Pope as the visible head of the Church.
Their prayer books and hymn books are
exactly like the regular Catholic manu-
ais of the same kind. But the number
Of the Jansenists is gradually dwindling,
and it is now said to be not quite 5000.
On the other hand, since the Catholic
hierarchy of Holland was re-established
by Plus TX. in 1851 the members of the
communion have rapidly increased and
multiplied.
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
IRISH DAY AT THE FAIR.

A Ringing Address From the Committee in
Charge of the Celebration.
The committee having in charge the
celebration of the Irish day at the
Worlds Fair has issued the following
excellent address,:
To the Irish race in the United States:
A convention of the various Irish
American Societies of Illinois. held in
Chicago, July 80, 1898, resolved that the
Irish race in this country formally par,
ticipate in the Worlds Columbian Elk
position, September 30th, next, and ap'
pointed an executive committee to make
all necessary arrangements The date
named has been secured as Irish day.
The spirit of our race should inspire us
to perfectly avail ourselves of the oppor.
tunity the day will give to exhibit our
appreciation of the unsurpassed achieve
ment Of the great Columbus; to mani
fest our JOY in the splendid nation of
freemen that possess the glorious land
Columbus gave to civilization, our pride
in it's radiant progress, and unequalled
Constitution; and to succinctly put before
the world the honorable history of the
Irish race, to the end that the nations
may acquire that knowledge of it genius,
spirit, and achievements which will OBJ
tain for it the respectful universal recog-
milton to which it is entitled:
At the great exposition all nations will
be represented; like assembly may not
again be seen in q land and at q time SO
favorable for the demonstration con-
templated. Now, without hindrance or
embarrassment our race may display to
the Congregated World the evidences of
it's right to claim an honorable place
among the worthiest peoples.
Men of our race profoundly learned in
it's history, others distinguished in schol-
arship, oratory, and every sphere of life
in which talent and genius win promln-
ence will present our peoples case for
the Judgment of the natio Is.
An occasion that may be made produc-
tive of most desirable advantages to the
Irish race throughout the world should
be ayailed of by our people in the United
States.
j. Here, under the equal laws of a free
country, our people have demonstrated
their equality with the utmost eminence
in letters, art, and commerce, and have
acquired and hold dis
tineuished rank among the administra-
tors of the governments of the States:
On Irish day, therefore, the Irish ma
in the Republic should stand
distinct from the great mass of their fell
before the world, that their
honorable status in the greatest nation
Of the earth may demonstrate to the
world the splendor of the genius of the
race, and it's glorious virility; that in a
rec land the torch Of the one is lighted
It the sun, and the fountain Of the other
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
DoGBERRY IN TEXAS.

The Judge Who Fined Dead Man for Car
rying Revolver.
Down in southwestern Texas, Just
about midway between Houston in the
east, and Ell Paso in the west, and very
near to the Rio Grande, the Southern
Pacific railway has built over the Pecos
river the highest bridge III the United
States. Indeed, it's heighth Is 800 feet;
is exceeded only by two bridges in the
world-one on the Andes, Of Peru, and
the other in tho Himalaya mountains.
just before this bridge was finished one
Of the workmen fell from it and was, Of
course, killed. The county Judge was
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
SHE BECAME A NUN.

Col Jesse Sparks Sees His Sister After
Thirty-One Years.
They say the reason that Cleveland ap-
pointed Colonel jesse Sparks of Murfree-
boro, Tenn, to Mexican consulship
(says the Catholic Mirror), was because
the gallant old Confederate officer dur
ing Cleveland's former term sent him a
present of couple of fat, juicy, Tennes-
see opossums, which Grover seemed to
heartily relish. To show his gratitude
for this unique present Colonel Jesse was
rendered consulate. This recalls to the
writer story related to him by Colonel
Jesse when they were en- route home
from Washington last spring.
"During the war;" said the now griz-
zled colonel, "when things were little
shady down in old Tennessee, sent my
fair young sister, then about Is years old,
and budding into lovely womanhood, to
Catholic convent in Baltimore, for the
double purpose of being educated and
out of the way of the dark and bloody
scenes that we're transpiring round our
own home.
"Well,'' he continued, and a tear rolled
down the bearded cheek of the old SOL
der, "do you know, Fitz, that never
saw that blue eyed girl again until last
Thursday?"
The writer expressed surprise at this
statement when. Colonel Sparks con-
| tinued:
"Yes, saw her last Thursday, Fitz,
| and it was in beautiful convent home.
called, gave my name to the Sister who
| received me in the parlor, and inquired
if Miss Sparks of Murfreesboro. Tenn,
| resided there. The young Sister said she
would sec. In few moments I heard
| returning footballs and then beautiful,
sweet-faced Sister, about 48 years old
entered. She paused, gazed for mo-
ment into my face and her blue eyes filled
with tears as she came quickly towards
me with the cry of 'Brother!' upon her
lips. e..
Eyes, Fitz, this was my sweet little
sister of the long ago, whom had not
seen in thirty-one years. She remained
in the convent until after the war, and
during this time became convert to
Catholicism, the only member of our
family who belong to that creed. The
pure, beautiful lives of these noble wo
men charmed my young sister SO that
she determined to- become one of them.
She is now the Mother Superior of the
convent and noble, happy, contented
woman"
The colonel said he never fully realized
how little men in the busy whlrl and stir
of business life thought of God and the
future as he did during that hour spent
with his sister
The Irish standard., 1893-09-09
Two Harbors, MINI.

Special to The Irish Standard.
Miss Emma Schulze and her brother
are visiting the Worlds Fair this week.
Miss A. Heller, of Port Elgin, Ont, is
visiting the family of Mr., Baker this
week.
The Minnesota Irion company are get
ting rid OF all their stock piles in Tower
nd Ely, before navigation closes.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1893-01-04
A COAL MINE INSPECTOR.

The United States government now
avs coal mine inspector for New Mex
co neat salary; but nevertheless it is
proposed to establish and create the office
of territorial coal mine inspector in addi-
ton to the official now appointed and
paid by the United States. This propo-
sition should be promptly and vigorously
squelched; there exists no necessity for
such territorial official as long as the
United States government provides one
and there certainly is no necessity for
paying out $4,000 per year for the SER
vices of an official who is provided for by
the United States.
It is we'll known that the territory and
every county in the territory are running
behind in financial affairs; that not suff-
cient taxes are collected for current ex-
penses and that taxes are getting heavier.
The creation of new offices and provid-
ing for more salaries can only increase
the burdens of the people; hence the
above project can not be turned down
any too theoretically ard radically when
It makes its appearance.