The record-union., 1893-05-27
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Beside one deed Of guilt, how blest is
/ guileless woe!-Bulwer.
To be furious in religion is to be ire
ligiously reHgious.-Penn.
BY sowing frugality we reap liberty, a
golden harvest.-Agesilaus.
/ Hardup-The amount ofyour bill, doe
/ tor, has made Inc feel quite i'll. Doctor
1 tgleefullyJ-Has it, sir? Then l suppose
/ you will want me TO attend you profess
/ sionally again?-Iit- Bits.
| The acts of this life are the destiny of
the next.-Eastern Proverb.
/ Paterfamilias (facetiously)-Wife sent
me to get good cook; have you an angel
/ il your establishment? Boss of InteIli-
gence Office--No; but we have several
/ who may become angels any day. They
light the fire with kerosene-New York
/ Tribune.
How tawny golden
Was her hair
/ They matched it with an auburn shade;
One said twas made TO
Order, and
Another said twas reddy made.
-Godey's Magazine.
Landlady Ito boarder, who has passed
his cup six times)-You are very fond of
coffee, Mr.. Banford. Mr.. Banford-Yes
ma'am; it looks as if | was, when | am
willing to swallow so much water for the
sake OF getting httle.-Tit-Bits.
The soul has duty to itself and duty
to others. A human being is compelled
to educate itself. 1t is obliged and bound
by most imperative duty to develop it.
self to the utmost of its natural resources,
and make the most of what God has de-
signed and made possible for it.. But its
duty does not rest here. 1t has another
duty to it's fellOw-beings, and one must
help his brothers. So mankind has the
double duty of self-culture and self-sac-
ritice.- Bishop Brooks.
He (desperatelyJ-I love you! She
ddlyl-How much? He (brightly)-Five
hundred thousand dollars worth; here's
my bank book. She (hastilyl-I am
yours.-Chicago News.
Mrs. Smith-And how is your neigh
Dor? Mrs. Brown-She's well enough, I
suppose. l haven't seen her to speak to
for six weeks. Mrs. Smith-Why, |
/ thought you were on the most friendly
terms. Mrs. Brown-Well, we used to
be; but we've exchanged SERVANTS
Vogue.
She-I will never marry a man whose
fortune has not at least five ciphers in
it. He trump phantly)-O, darling, mine
is all ciphers. Commercial Bull
letin.
Now the old hotel is mended
And the landlords feeling fine
While the bath-house is extended
For the coming crinoline.
Atlanta Constitution.
There are billions of microbes that are
given board and lodging by the Govern
nent in Washington. Il is to be hoped
in the interest of civil service reform that
no Republican microbes will be removed
to give room for Democratic germs to
tatten at the public crib. b.-BostOn Tran
script,
Il feel that l owe a great deal to to-
bacco." Nervous temperament, per-
haps2" mo; L run cigar store. ."-Kate
Fields Washington.
Whyte-Did Miss Rapide enjoy herself
at the ball last evening? Browne--Ye Yes, L
should say she did. [ noticed that even
her eyes danced. Journal,
Jack-Calling on Miss Brighteves
pretty regular, notice. George1Y- -e-s.
rather, Jack-How does your suit pro-
press? George-Not so well as | thoipht
it would-latest English cut, too.-New
York Weekly.
Practical theology-Boggs- Do you
think a man can serve two masters?
Henpeck-W ell, sometimes. He may
have a wife and a grown daughter, you
know.-Puck.
reputation for laziness while others get
credit for being fond of fishing-BuffaIo
Courier.
Cholly don't you think it is bad form
to write ar. S. Y. Pr? PenIope-Yes.
unless you want an answer.-The Club.
Lady entering shoe store)-I would
like to look at some number twos. New
Boy anxious to show his knowledgel-
Yes N; most every one looks at number
twos frst.-Good News.
"To see ourselves as others see us.u
would sometimes be cruel blow to orr
self-conceit. Moral: Keep on your own
blind side.-Bu1falo Quips.
Here is a medieval advertisement from
Boston newspaper: "a middle-aged
young lady wants a situation. .'-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
as Miss Knickerbocker going truly 10
have a real swell church wedding?"
Yes, she has hired three ambulances to
take away the wounded"
"Why is Blinker working so hard 10
learn the deaf and dumb alphabet?''
"His wife has fallen a victim to The Grim
oline craze and he can't get within speak
ing distance of her."
Mrs. Ellington IS an awfully extrav-
agant woman, isn't she?" "What has she
done?" "Just now heard her offer Dunn
leigh penny for his thoughts"
The bright and joyous springtime
Has brought but pleasure few
10 those VINO sigh once more 10 ask
Is 1t hot enough for you?
sHow can you tell who the important
people are at the Worlds Fair when they
are from all nations?" Mr.. Cafe-They
all wear white aprons.
WHEN the hair has fallen out, leaving