The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1893-01-25
A WILD BEAST SHOW.
Sam Jones Parades His
Vulgar Impudence At
the Tabernacle.

Sam Jones exhibited himself last night
at the Tabernacle. introducing incident
ally to the people, who heard and saw him,
revised edition Of English grammar, in
which false syntax was treated as a
speciality. and scouting parties were or
ganized to search for verbs.
| never saw or heard Sam 10 mes before
last night. / never want TO see or hear
him again. Sam and / are out. Sam is
to blame for this, and the loss is his.
Sam, IN my opinion, Is guilty OF obtain
ing an audience under false representa-
tions. He got me to help swell the house
In that way. WAS informed that Sam
would lecture, and l and about two hun
nacie TO hear it. We got left. The
'lecture" was no lecture, but was series
of anecdotes and almanac jokes. Some
were venerable and wore long grey hair
and whiskers, while others-just few
were new TO those present.
SAM JONES.
Sam is curious sort of fellow. He is
long and lean. His cheeks are sallow
and cadaverous. His hair is black except
! for one lock in front and that is white.
His mustacne is black with sprinkling
of white. When he walks, his lll-ftting
| frock coat is noticed with a feeling of
| pity and his slowness of action made me
| feel as it ought to be behind him with
ladies' hat pin. This introduction of
| Sam Jones is greater in length than the
one Pastor Scudder gave him when he
| made the audience acquainted with him
4 last night.
Sam said he would lecture about "How
| to get there: or, get up and GIT" hope
| the Lord will pardon him for saying this,
for I never can. MY tortured feelings
will not permit such an act of Christian
charity just at present, at any rate. When
Sam began TO talk he looked straight at
| me, and although the attention was fat
| tering and made me monopolist, did
| not particularly enjoy 1t. WAS willing
to share and share alike wish the other
victims.
Sam said very frankly that the subject,
'Get up and git," opened great held for
a lecturer. He said it was a slang express
sion, and many heads nodded in &C.
quiescence. He remarked that the express
sion was born during the past generation,
and although slaug in its origin, 1t was
now good English boiled down.
SOCIAL SUCCESS
Il might talk for an hour about How
to get there socially" said the speaker,
''but / won't might tell you all know
about society, dudes and dudines, but I
shall not. l will ask, though. what is
dude?"
1T is a pimple on the body of society,
and indicates that socIety's blood is out
of condition. When YOU squeeze the
pimple you have a dudine.
"1o get there financially, means to
make money" Sam said with much wis
dom, and then he added that money is
like walking stick, it is a great help.
1t is the greatest servant man
can possess, and it is, at the
same time, the hardest master a
slave ever had" In denouncin9
extravaganza he said:-'t Sometimes wife
is invited to Il reception aJ house which
Is elegantly furnished. Some weeks later
her husband will say, Wife, let us give
reception, and the wife. after glancing at
her homefy furnish ed house,s W HI say. 0h.S
not for the world: couIdn'G have people
visit me in home like this The hns-
band then buys q new house and fur
nishes it on credit, the reception IS given,
the hus band, who is a bank cashier. is
overburdened with debt, aud soon there
is new face in Canada"
POLITICS AND HEAVEN.
"How TO get there politically" was
lightly treated by Sam, for hs had never
been Gin it." He is NOT fond OF politics,
and he said with vigor:-'If ever had an
enemy whom. / wanted to ruin [ would
have him elected to OK ce. The poor fell
low might be an honest man when he
entered office. but when be quit it-well,
he would not be so hones.. The Demo-
Gratis look for money aud the Republicans
boast of their big heart and their pa
rental affection for the people. The Popu-
lists don't count. They'll never get
there. They may get to Heaven, but
the won't get to Washington. 1t is
not on the road and they can't stop off. /
have Two planks in my political platform.
The first Is am out and out opposed to
whiskey, and the other is, Pm soul aud
body in favor of everything against
whiskey. Now, was once a Democrat.
/ remained in that party as long as
Christian could, aud then I got out. You
Republicans here need not take pleasure
in this, for, than God. | never belonged
to your party I'll stick to my party,
and In the sweet bye and bye lll be as
much at home in Heaven as Democrats
are at home in this city,
Some people laughed at Sam when he
said these things and ne felt encouraged.
He denounced the lazy and dignilied
ministers who merely said do as ] do and
told the people TO prepare for the great
future in Heaven. "There are some peo-
pie" said Sam with show of indigna-
tion. "who believe Heaven is rendezvous
for old hulks. Their idea is that it's a
comfortable place to sit down in and
warm their feet and spit at will.
they believe that the angels have nothing
else to do than to welcome their old
hulks, who DO nothing for their present
homes and everything for Heaven. Why.
that places Heaven below jersey City.
and tell you there amt room between
Jersey City and He'll to place anything,
not even dude"