Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-05-04


she is as good as gold" "Ah it's the
gold you're after" said Bigbee, lid
Bits.
"THIs," said Farmer Begosh, who
had listened to cheers till he had a
headache, "ls another reminder OF
the hollerness Of life. Washington
Star.
Mrs. DARLEY-George, dear, why
is love said to be blind? Mr., barley
Because he has had the wool pulled
over his eyes so often.-Detroit Free
Press.
MAMMA alphabetically - What
would my little girl do If / should
die? Little Flossie--I don't know;
suppose l should have to spank my
self. Life.
GETTHERE-"Did you ever attend
any of Miss Budd's 'at homes?'" De
Bore (sadly)-"N-no, but I've attend
ed a good many Of her not-at-homes.
Exchange.
THE rumored combination OF the
whisky and sugar trusts is very omi'
nous. The next thing we hear they
will be getting into hot water. DE
troit Free Press.
CRossE-"l hear Gerkin is in ter
rible pickle. How does he take it?'
Blackwell-"Oh, he's as cool as Gu
cumber about it. He isn't as green
as he looks. Puck
HER Bosom FRIEND-"Oh, what q
dear little ringp Herself (blush'
ingly) ayes; it's my engagement
ring" Her Bosom Friend (sweetly,
-"Where did you buy it?"-Quips.
AL PINE - "How uncomfortable
Diogenes must have been, living in q
tub!" Archy Teck 49, eyes; and il
wasn't the stationary kind, either. =
Puck.
LEADING MAN Ito ve)-"WherC
do the actors stop when they come
down here?" Native-"M Of EN-
stays in the cemetery, two turnin''
to the right as you go down the road.
-Quips
WATTs-"W What's the matter with
Braggs? He walks around with hi
nose away up in the air and won't
look at any one" Potts-"He sprainet
his neck looking for the comet. -
Indianapolis Journal.
BELIEF suspect that Carrie is go
ing to get married atlast. Mr.. Man
ming was having a long talk with he
last evening, Kate-But was he Sc
rious? Belle--Serious? Positively
sad. Boston Transcript.
FIRST LITTLE GIRL.-"Has you
sister begun takin' music lessons
YETI" Second Little Girl-"She's
takin' somefn' on tn piano, but
can't tell yet whether it's music Oh
typewritin'. Good News.
THoMAs-"I say, Governor, nobody
ever called you donkey, did they?'
Mr.. Closely-"No, Of course not.
Thomas "That's what l thought.
In this book it says large ears denote
generosity. Texas Siftings.
ANXIOUS MoTHER-"Is that new
neighbours little boy a nice boy?'
Little Johnny-"Yos'm. When teach.
er asked him who hit him with a spit
ball he said he didn't know, and hi
saw me hisself. Street & Smiths
Good News.
II KNOW why so many Of our girls
are unhappy when they are married
to foreigners" said Maud. "Why?'
asked Mamie. "They can't get well
enough acquainted with their hus
bands to pronounce their names. y
Washington Star.
HIS DAUGHTERS LETTER. -"DeaI
Father-We are all well and happy,
The baby has grown ever SO much,
and has a great deal more sense than
he used to have. Hoping the same
of you, l remain your daughter,
Molly. "-Tid-bits.
BINGO-"I'd like to know what
you call these shirts you got me?'
Mrs. Bingo (sweetly)-"They are call
ed the liberty shirt, my dear, on &C
count of their freedom Of movement.
Bingo - "Then give me death. =
Clothier and Furnlsher
Miss Perturbation dreamily
delightful is the soothing sound Of
old oceans waves rolling up in the
moonlight upon the silver sands!'
Miss Practical-"Yes l always did
like to hear the water sloshing around
on the beach. "-Somervllle Journal.
"PAPA, DEAR" said the old mans
testy daughter as she bent fondly
over him during his last illness, "for-
give rue for asking you, but what are
you going to leave your darling
laughter when you die?" "Father-
ess!" cried the irascible old gentle
man, as he rolled over with his face
20 the wall.-Texas Siftings.
SMALL ARTIST Mamma, / paint
ed this little girl in the picture and
Pve got the bureau alongside Of her
painted, but want to paint a rouge
box on the bureau and l can't make
it look right" Mamma-"Why do
you want rouge box there?" Small
Artist-"Tve got her cheeks too red
and want it to look as If she did it
herself. Exchange.