The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1893-11-03
NO CAPTAINS TAeLg FOR HIM.
He Thought That the Big Man Of tho
ship Ate with the Deck Hands.

He Thought That the Big Man Of tho
ship Ate with the Deck Hands.
He was pacing the promenade deck Of
an ocean steamer One Of his eyes was
blackened, and his red nose and swollen
features wore careworn expression. The
breeze played gently with the tails Of his
long ulster, and he could scarcely keep his
feet A sudden lurch Of the ship sent him
sprawling on the deck in front Of one Of
the passengers, who helped him up and
asked him II he were sick.
mo, my friend" he answered gravely,
"but Pm afraid I've made big mistake.
Ever crossed the ocean beforeS"
1.-TWO or three times" was the Modest
answer
"Well then" he continued, 'perhapsyou
can tell me whether was right or wrong"
"How was it9"
WELL you see it was this way. The
other day I was appointed United States
consul to little port over here across the
pond. I'm on my way there now. took
cabin passage on this boat and | was hay-
ing tiptop time until today. Thismorn-
ing had just sat down to breakfast when
big waiter came up behind me, and said
he, I beg pardon, sir, but the captain re-
quests that you be seated at his table
| What's thatT said |, sit at the captains
| table Not much, sir. Pm no plug Of a
common sailor Pm a United States con-
sui paid for first class passage on this
craft and Pm going to have first class
grub.
"'Sit Mt the captains table! You must
be crazy, man No, sir, Pm going to sit
right here and take my meals like the
other first class passengers I'm u gentle
man Pm an American sovereign, sir. and
| stand on my rights. The next thing
you'll want me to go down and take pot
luck with the coal heavers I'm no steer
age passenger. If you don't believe it
here's my ticket | don't eat with sea
captains, do you see"
Everybody at the table began to look
astonished like and the waiter said: Pm
sorry, sir, but orders is orders. wouldn't
dare tell the captain that you had refused
to come to his table. He would be much
insulted, SIR Then let him get insulted,'
said |, getting bit riled It's none of his
| DuslnpSS WHERE Slb, uOu nave W cttb
with my social interiors. Pm going to sit
right here, and if you don't take yourhand
off my shoulder ri paste you one right be-
tween the eyes.
"'But you don't understand he be-
gan, and put his hand on me again. With
that got up and hit him. He struck
back and we clinched, rolled over on the
floor and gouged each other. A lot of the
walters ran up and parted us. Igot up
and left the room without any breakfast.
Just as | went out heard somebody re-
mark that was the biggest fool that
ever stepped off dry land Now tell me,
stranger, is a man fool because he stands
up for his rightss'
Certainly not,' answered the other pas
senger, but don't you know that it is con-
sidered great honor to be invited to the
captains tablet 1t is an honor accorded
only to people Of high social rank or off
cial position. The captains table is con
sidered the finest in the dining room
"'In the dining rooml he gasped. Then
it amt down in the forecastlel All, now
catch on What tarnal fool I've been,
anyhow. Pm going to get the biggest
deck hand on board to kick me all over the
ship and then I'm going to my stateroom,
and won't stick my nose outside until we
get to Queenstown. Goodby, my friend. I"
New York Tribune.