The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1893-08-18
CHAPTER XVII.
HIS PA Jokes HIM.


"What ON earth is that you have got
on your upper lipY' said the grocery man
to the bad boy as he came in and began
to peel a rutabaga, and his upper lip
hung down over his teeth and was COW
cred with something that looked like
shoemakers wax. lyon look as though
you had been digging potatoes with your
nose."
'Oh, that is some of Pas darn smart
ness. asked him If lie knew anything
that would make boys mustache grow,
and he told me the best thing he ever tried
was tar, and for me to rub it on thick
when went to bed and wash it off in
the morning. put it on last night, and
by gosh can't wash it of. Pa told me
all had to do was to use securing
brick, and it would come off, and used
the securing brick, and it took the skin
off, and the tar is there yet. And, say,
does my lip look very badY'
The grocery man told him il was the
worst looking lip he ever saw, but he
could cure it by rubbing little cayenne
Pepper in the tar. He said the tar would
neutralize the pepper, and the pepper
would loosen the tar and act as a cool
ing lotion to the lacerated lip. The boy
went to can Of pepper behind the
counter and stuck his finger in and
rubbed lot Of it on his lip, and then
his hair began to rise, and he began to
cry and rushed to the water pail and ran
his face into the water to wash off the
pepper. The grocery man laughed, and
when the boy had got the pepper washed
off and had resumed his rutabaga he
said:
THAT seals your fate. No man ever
trifles with the feelings of the bold buc-
cancer of the Spanish main without liv-
ing to rue it. Twill lay for you, old
man. and don't you forgetit it. Pa thought
he was smart when he got me to put tar
OH my lip to bring my mustache out,
and today he lays ON bed of pain, and
tomorrow your turn will come. You
will regret that you did not get down on
tour knees and beg my pardon. You
will be sorry that you did not prescribe
cold cream for my bruised lip instead
of kyan pepper. Beware, you base 12
ounces to the pound huckster, you gim-
let eyed seller Of dog sausage, you sanded
sugar idiot, you small potato three card
monte sleight Of hand rotten egg fiend,
you villain that sells smoked sturgeon
and dogfsh for smoked halibut! The
avenger is on your track"
Look here, young man, don't you
threaten me, or / will take you by the
ear and walk you through green fields
and beside still waters to the front door
and kick your pistol pocket clear around
so you can wear it for q watch pocket in
your vest. No boy can frighten me, by
crimus. But, tell me, how did you get
even with your Par
well, give me glass of cider and
we will be friends, and ] will tell you.
Thanks! Gosh, but that cider is made
out of moldy dried apples and sewer
water" and he took a handful of layer
raisins off the top of box to take the
taste out Of his mouth, and while the
grocer charged peck of rutabagas,
gallon of cider Snd two pounds of raj
sins to the boys Pa the boy proceeded:
"You see, Pa likes joke the best of
anybody you ever saw if it is on some
body else, but he kicks like steer when
it is on him. asked him this morning
il it wouldn't be good joke to put some
soft soap on the front step so the letter
carrier would slip and spill himself, and
Pa said it would be elegant. The letter
carrier is as old man as Pa, and didn't
want to humiliatc him, but just want
ed Pa to give his consent so he couldn't
kick if lie got caught in his own trap.
You see? Well, this morning the minis
ter and two of the deacons called on Pa
to have IL talk with him about his actions
in church on two or three occasions,
when no pulled ont the pack of cards
with his handkerchief and played the
music box, and they had a pretty hot
time in the back parlor, and finally they
settled it and were going to sing hymn
when Pa handed them little hymn
book, and the minister opened it and
turned pale and said, What's this? and
they looked at it. and it was book of
Hoyle's games instead of hymnbook.