Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1893-01-14


A clothes caculation-Tne tailor's
bill.
A note to meet-A written invita-.
ton.
The inside track-Ths alimeut.ry
canal.
Ancient coats of arms-Iolsters and
scabbards.
Advice is the experience that is sold
out below cost.
The Board of Health-The feed you
get in the country. Trlth.
Ignorance Of the law excuses no man
not even au attorney.
A shrinking little thing-The cheap
flannel shirt.-New York Journal
Talk about your transformations We
have seen square man turn round
Statesman.
In the railroad world crooked line
is oftel the shortest distance between
two points.
A new shoe in the market is made OF
Imitation buckskiu; 1t is not dear. -
Lowell Courier.
When foreigner is made a citizen OF
the United STATES they have to clangs
the bject.-rruth.
"M"." is perhaps the only word 10 the
language that abbreviation saves from
being ridiculous.
1t is hari to escape the iufueucs OF
family. Even in the directory mans
name decides his position. Puck.
Though the ships cook may boast his
ability to prepare u cool meat he geuer-
ally makes y mess" of it. 3azette.
"Who is the belle tonight" asked shs
As taey stool on tls Dali roo n a)Jr;
He 10 JSed aroun tbs roo II to SEE,
and shs S PEAKS to him no more.
The reel bird" still fgures on tho
bill OF fare iu some restaurants, but his
part is taken by his un ierstudy, the
sparrow.-Phi!adelphls Record.
Beware young msu, BON the brink
or the mstrinonIa, question.
Us love you tee!-that 5 what you think
But it may be N digestion.
Chicago News Record.
"Wnat made you naps your farm
Meter" queried the reporter. "B,cause
it lies so beautifully" answered. the re-
tired gas ma 5uate, with low, sibiaut
chuc&le
Mrs. Watts -"What is tina. you are
making now'' Mrs. POtts-"As nokiny
jacket Cor my husband. If that doesn't
cure him OF smoking around the house
don't know what will"
Mrs Hicks-'I wish you would 90
out with baby for little while." Hicks -
"WelI. we'll; the neighbor. have got
notion now that Pm sandwich man for
q baby carriage factory"
Father-"Does that young man mean
business?" Daughter-"E guess he does,
father. He is getting 80 familiar now
that he wears the same necktie twice in
succession. The Clothier and Furu-
isher.
"Fnlton is going to join the next eH-
petition to the North Pole, and is max.
ing preparations now" Bsrney-"Wc
is he doiug?" she rented house
heated By furnace. Chicago Inter.
Ocean.
al know my feet are to stand on,
said a Grabbed individual in a crowded
cable car to his nelghbor, "but if it IS
Just the same to you | would like that
privilege for myself exclusively. VIII
you please get down on the floor. -Phila-
delphIa Record.
$50 friend Bushler was on top of
Mount Blancl" mot at ALL" "But
he said So" 'True. Two months ago
when he returned from Switzerland he
said he had been at the foot of Mount
Blanc. Since then he has gradually lied
himself to the top, '-Fliegende BLaetter.
She bake a lovely marble cake,
Az least the dear thought so;
But better far when asked TO eat
had hubby brave said no.
He downed piece; it was too mucd,
Her crime shs must atone,
The rest of il wasn't wasted though,
But uset tor his TO nbstone
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
There is nothing like tact, after all.
When your friend bores you by his
jeremiads about his physical Ills, you
can easily shut him up by artlessly bring
ing your own bodily ailments to the
fore. He will Immediately lose all in.
terest in the conversation aud leave you
incontineutly to seek some other friend
who does not possess your consummate
tact. Boston Transcript.