The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-03-02

kindling in jiffy," he said. So say
ing, he chopped mp board and met
with no further miShap than to injure
himself with flying splinter.
AS he passed through the back yard
with the kindling he glanced toward
the east. Il wonder where Is the god
of day?" he remarked Then he start
ed the fire in the kitchen stove and put
the kettle on. 1t was so dark that he
was obliged to keep the gas lighted.
Its funny the sun doesn't come up, p"
/ he commented as he drew his SILVER
ing form nearer the FIRE and watched
the tca-kcttlc, which was now emit
ting steam and whispering the while
! one of its soft lullabies. Between the
puffs, the kettle murmured: "Wouldn't
! YOU like to go to sleep-whOo, whoo-a
nice early morning nap-puff, puff-the
sweetest sleep of all the night?-whoo,
! WHO'D" While this rhythmic measure
was going on and he had nearly yield
ed to the influence, q bell rang out the
hour "One-two-threc." Then there
was silence. The other bells followed
and they all struck three times. We're
the bells mad? Three o'clock? Impos-
siblc! Had not the alarm clock gone
off and had not the clock been set for
SIX o'clock? Then why should all the
I bells strike three? We're they wrong?
Or, was it possible that the alarm
clock had gone off at two o'clock? 1t
was more reasonable to suppose that
the fault was with the alarm clock. He
had heard that they sometimes cxplod-
cd before their time. With many silent
blessings on the clock he silently stole
upstairs and crcpt into bed. Mean
while the kettle downstairs went right
on murmuring: whoo-hc's go
ing to take his morning nap-pnff =
puff" At the same time his wife whis-
pered: rs breakfast ready yet, lovc?"
NO" was the gruff response. Then
she sank into dreams and he followed
suit, his slumbers being broken by ex-
ploding alarm clocks and the flying
splinters of kindling wood Suddenly
there was a loud pounding. lie started
up just as another clock had gone off
in his dreams
"What is that?" he exclaimed.
ITS the milkman, / think, dear"
said his wife.
At the same time, in corroboration
of her statement sonorous voice
arose from below:
"Mi-lk"'
why doesn't he come in the middle
of the night?" growled the husband as
he arose and threw blanket around
him
My dear, you arc not going down
like that? You will catch your death
of cold"
Il don't care" he answered. desper.
ately. AS he opened the bacl, door the
wind blew in upon him and the snow
covered his bare feet He looked like
a bleachcd Indian chief as he stood
there wrapped in his blanket. He
coughed in a funercal manner as he
was roughly greeted by the wIntry
blasts The milkman, who was COW
cred with snow and had icicles on his
beard, regarded him in amazement
"Mornia,'" he said.
Never mind about exchanging anv
civilities, my friend" returned the
other with chattering teeth. Just
pour ont your milk"
Can't"
why not?"
Its frozen. But I'll leave a cvlin-
drical chunk of ice in the jar, and YOU
can thaw it out" With that he clat-
tered his pals and disappeared whist
ling blithely as though life had no
cares The husband returned to the
kitchen with the cylindrical chunk OF
frozen milk, intending to melt it near
the fire. But to his CONSERVATION he
found that the fire had gone ont The
kettle was putting away dcspairingly,
singing very softly: "Whoo-whoo-
you've got to build the fire again
whoo-whoo - puff-puff-" and thcu
after eXultinG moment the steam
suddenly ceased coming from the
spout While setting and lighting the
fire once more, he soliloquized upon the
migratory propensity OF servants and
told himself that the next girl they en-.
ployed would have to sign a contract to
remain at least q month. BY this time
he was getting quite warm with in
dignation, and, although the atmos.
phcre was so chilly indoors, he would
soon have been comfortable. lie knelt
on the floor before the stove and began
blowing at the fire, his temper not be.
ing improved by his Intellectual at.
tempts to fan the fame into promising
proportions. The flame wavered, flut-
tered, looked as though it might be.
come a promising conflagration, and
then-went ont. lie wrapped ais man
tie more closely around his form and
was about to give audible vent to his
feelings when he heard light voice
behind him:
You had better go to bed, love, and
allow me to make the FIRE"
1t was his wife, and there was sus-
picion of laughter in her bright, blue
eyes.
So saying she llnelt in turn before the
stove and soon cheerful nre was burn
ing. Then the kettle began 30 sputter
again, Its all right now-she knows
how to do it-whew, whew-you'd bet
ter so to bed-puff, puff"
Then followed a day of tribulation,
the guests being given an explanation
which they received good-naturedly.
In the afternoon the wife went to an
intelligence Office and left word to have
girl sent at once. That evening there