Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1893-11-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

IeuiCt oh AIOoboio'
A tweed garment-A sac coat.
sect off the EARTH" the cyclone said
the barn.
A nervous affection-A man on the
we of proposal
The crawfsh is not very good to
at, but it will do at a pinch. Truth.
One characteristic of good old Elijah
vas his raven-ousappetite. Cleveland
'lain Dealer.
London's constant fog may be
aused by the continuous reign.-
Dallas News.
The fine wheat will insure the farmer
md the English sparrow full crops. -
cleveland Plain Dealer.
People who are always scheming
generally pay about double for what
hey get.-Milwaukee Journal.
When man is dressed in little
,rief authority, he makes it more con-
.picuous than red neck-tie. Puck.
So far no one has ever made the
,lunder of painting Cupid to look as
he had any sense. --Atchison Globe.
"Why does Snagsby keep his hair
,ut so short?" "Because he's getting
oald, and he won't have it long.
Philadelphia Record.
''He says he owes you q licking,
loes he? Well, you'll never get it."
How do you know?" 'I'm his
iailor. Chicago Tribune.
"He's very modest young man,
sn't he?" Modest as burglar ho
loesn't even want the credit of his
own work. philadelphia Record.
An enterprising hosier has an
bounced new button, which he calls
The Old Maids Wedding. Why? Be-
cause it never comes off.-Tit- Bits.
The coalman's season may be the
winter, the summer the iceman's harv-
est, 80 that it's possible the milkman
inds his greatest profit in the spring.
Shall from her sweet spell depart,
Or tako her for better or worsep
The choice is-will she break my heart,
Or shall she break my purse?
Puck.
Demonstration in Natural Science
Gentlemen, l hold in my hand three
shells" Voice from amphitheatre)-
'It isn't under any Of them. Detroit
Free Press.
Watts-'I wonder how this world
will get along when you and l have
left it?" Potts--."You'd better be
wondering how we'll get along ?"-In'
dianapolis Journal.
Pipkin-'Does your wife know
anything about cooking?" Potts-I
guess she does; you can't get her into
any of your cheap restaurants. Kate
Fields Washington.
Hello, Bingley, how did the doctor
succeed in breaking up your fever?"
''Oh, easy enough he presented his
oill, and had chill in fifteen min
utes. Chicago Inter
"Can / get this note shaved?" he
timidly asked the money-lender.
"Gracious !" calculated the broker, as
he glanced at the date, cts old enough
to need it t!"--Atlanta Constitution.
Unless old words can be exchanged
for the new ones that are being rapidly
coined, English dictionaries will coon
have to be taken to cotton compress
to be rendered portable. .-Dallas News.
Applicant for Work-''But the oc.
cupation seems to be dangerous one. !"
Manager-"Yes; but then in case you
are killed the company would send
flowers to your funeral. - Boston
Transcript
Richard-"When my wife agreed to
share her lot with me l didn't know
there was a mortgage on it. Harry
GA mortgage?" Richard = "Hel
mother, I found, went with the lot. T"
Boston Transcript.
A fellow in Smithville who couldn't
spare so year for newspaper sent
fifty two-cent stamps to down-east
Yankee to know how to raise beets.
He got an answer, "Take hold of the
tops and pull for all you are worth. -
Oswego Times.
oh, the gold is rolling in
From beyond the briny seas.
Millions rolling In each day,
Bringing US financial ease
Millions more are on the way,
Rolling onward to this goal,
And as we are none too flush,
Why, we'll just let her roll
-kanSaS Cify JournnI