The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1893-01-28
ARIZONA KICKER.

ARIZONA KICKER.
No MORE INNovATIoNs.-When his
honor the mayor (who is ourself) first
occupied his official desk in the city
hall he used a revolver as a paper
weight, and things were running along
in smooth and gentle way when the
mayor of Buffalo happened out this
way. The paperweight attracted his
attention, and he read US moral
lecture. He thought there was GER
tain abandon about the matter lncom-
patlble with the dignity of the Office.
We took the advice of a tenderfoot
for the first time in five years and re-
placed the revolver with a piece uI
quartz silver. The other day, as we
were preparing veto, stranger
walked in and covered US with his gun.
He was slow going chap, and had
our old paperweight been in place we
could have got the drop on him. AS
it was, he covered US and proceeded
to make US eat dirt. No one happen
ed to come IN, and for ten minutes he
obliged US to call ourselt thief, liar,
swindler, deadbeat and aheap of other
unpleasant things. What grieved us
more than all else was to be forced to
declare that THE KICKER had only one
fourth the circulation of its wretched
contemporary, and that We stood in
bodily fear of the postmaster of this
town. When the fellow had fooled
with. US to his hearts content he
backed out, ran down stairs and
galIoped out of town. We hunted for
him of course, but he was not to be
found, and it brings tears ito our eyes
to think we may never see him again.
Our revolver has been restored to its
place as paperweight. We shall
steer clear of any further innovations.
IT the mayor of Cleveland or Cincin-
natl or St. Louis happens along here
and doesn't like the looks of things it
will make no difference to US. We
don't propose to drop o5 per cent. of
our dignity with dull thud just be-
cause those eastern mayors fail to
understand us as people.
ONE OF JosEpH's JoKEs.-Last week
we received through the mail a copy of
The k7cke. which had been sent to
Joe Taylor, OF Duck Lake, as sample
copy of the literary fruits grown In this
neighborhood. Joseph used the margin
and lead pencil to tell US to 60 to a
cline much hotter than this. We of
course mounted our mule and rode
over to solicit an interview. Joseph
S. US when were yet mile away,
and mounting his mule he bolted for
Grass Valley. We overhauled him at
Turkey Creek. however, and gave him
sixty seconds in which to explain
matters. He Is very rapid speaker,
and in less than half a minute had not
only squared himself but handed over
four dollars in cash for two subscrIp-
tions, one of which goes to his aged
father In Connecticut. Joseph had
simply been joking US in returning
the sample copy. He has great deal
of humor in his composition, and some
times he feels so funny that he does
strange things, He had no idea that
his action would strike US seriously, but
expected we would be tickled half to
death. We are somewhat gwen to fun
but when man returns a sample copy
of our paper we can't see the joke.
We can't say that we expect everybody
to regard Tile Kicker as the greatest
family newspaper on earth, but it might
as we'll be understood right here and
now that under certain circumstances
we shall promptly buckle on two six
shooters, mount our running mule and
demand an interview.
HIS MIsTAKE.-HiS honor the MAJOR
(who is ourselD deeply regrets the
little incident which occurred at the
city hall Monday afternoon, and is
pleased to learn that the verdict of the
public is with him. For many moons
past the coroner of this town has con-
sidered himself a bigger man than the
mayor. 1t was great mistake on his
part, but we let it 60 until the critter
came to the conclusion that he was
running most of the territory. Monday
afternoon we found him at our Official
desk, with his heels on our official
blanks, and one of our official cigars
between his teeth. He only struck the
stairs cnce on his way down, and 1t wa:
thirty minutes before he opened hi:
eyes and recognized Nose Williams
who was feeding him whiskey. We
were elected to run this town. Wher
we show signs of weakness it will be
time for some one else to step in
The coroner is goodman, and he ha
very graceful way of presiding at al
inquest, but the swelling in his heat
must be kept down. He says he vii
rs as soon as he is able teyE
~as to be expe
fce we