Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1893-03-25
ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

special courses to private schools.
ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
College Don-So you confess that the
unfortunate young man was carried out
to the pump and there pumped on.
Now, Mr.. Geer, what part did you take
in this disgraceful affairl
Student (meekly)-The left leg, sir.
NOT MODEL YOUTH. AFTER ALL
Westcott-I tell you there's strong stuff
in that young man.
Whyte (sarcastically)-Yes, | was 60
ing to the barroom Just now, and | saw
him put it in. Somerville Journal.
The millionaire, old and picturesque,
With the shrewd, sagacious head,
At nday sits at his office desk
And munches crust of bread.
The clerk a toby of old ale drinks,
Eats chops with joyous grin,
And envies the rich man who, he thinks,
Is feasting on terrapin.
And we think we see with vision fair,
Through these luncheons, cold and
hot,
Why one is always millionaire
And the other one is not.
Puck.
DIDN'T LIKE THE HOUSE.
Midgely-Did the architect carry out
your last plans?
Barton-I suppose he must have, for |
don't see anything of them about the
house. = Chicago Inter Ocean.
AN EXPLANATION.
Papa" asked Willie, "What is a
phenomenal"
ut is phenomenal, my son." ex-
planned Mr.. Wisepate, when lawyer
is content with nominal fee, ~ Judge.
ONE OF THE INCoRRIGIBLEs.
A mission school teacher caught one
of her small boy scholars in a fb,
and she brought him up with round
turn.
Don't you know" she said, "that it
ts wicked to tell lieG'
81 s'pose So" he replied, with indiffer-
ence.
why did you do it, then2"
Il dunno"
George Washington never told
lie.n
"Who's George Washington I guess
ne don't live in Detroit, does he?"
The teacher was astonished and
panied.
Why" she said, very impressively,
George Washington was the greatest
man that ever lived"
The youngster never flickered.
"Well, guess he wuzn't when he
wuzn't no bgger'n me, he said, with
supreme confidence and the teacher re-
ferred the incorrigibA to the superin-
tendent-[ Detroit Free Press.
SIZE WAS, TOO.
They said she looked good enough to eat,
And in this they didn't lie,
For it is fact that the maiden sweet,
Could eat whole mince pie.
i New York Press.
A BEAUTIFUL DREAM.
DUDLEY Canesucker- had beauti-
full dream last night Dreamt / had
$50, 600 all my own.
Tommy Vanderchump-And you woke
up to find you hadn't dollar
DUDLEY Canesucker Yes; but l was
mighty luckily not to dream of having a
million. | don't think l could ever
have got over so heavy loss as that. -
Texas Siftings.
ONE WAY OUT.
Enamored Youth (who has been bid
ding her good-by for half hour)-Oh,
darling, how can leave thee2
Deep Red VoicoQrom top of the stairs
with fiery sarcasm) Shall come down
and show you how, young man. II Puck.
TRACED.
Hicks-There! For once I'll know
where that collar-stud is when | want
it.
Mrs. Hicks-Where is it2
Hcks-The baby has swallowed it.
! brakes Magazine.
CALLED DOWN.
A "ten1erfoot" in mining town was
/ exhibiting with some ostentation little
twenty-five calibrc revolver. with the
idea, probably, Of letting the "bad men"
of the place know that he was armed.
A cowboy who, like his fellows
always went provided with two guns"
OF forty-four calibre, was at length un.
able TO longer control his disgust, and
touching the "tenderioot" on the shout
der, remarked dryly: