Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1893-02-04
TODAY.
PITH AND POINT.

Shooting irons-Meteors.
A far-seeing man-The astronomer.
{ A drawer of water-The marine artist.
Truth.
When a bicyclist goes at top speed he
calls it spin. -Quips.
When n man becomes ga big gum we
always expect good reports of him.
1t is queer that man becomes most
nervous when he has lost his nerve.
Musical bars are no barriers to the
man who "breaks out in song."-Bos.
ton Courier.
Il is impossible for anybody to have
too many of the necessaries of life
Galveston News.
When a man is SICK he takes melan-
choly enjoyment in looking at his tongue.
--Atchison Globe.
When a man has boil be is in posi-.
ton to keep his family in hot water. -
Binghamton Leader.
Why need the wild sea waves lash the
shorc2 There's no danger OF the shore
getting away.-Truth.
You may jocularly tell man he's a
Tyre, but it isn't wise to harp on it too
much. Boston Courier.
The man who erects large building
on very small lot does so because he is
short-sited Rochester Democrat.
A pessimist likes thing ne can't en-
joy, and an optimist enjoys thing he
can't like.-Tennessee rwinklings.
! There's time to work and a time
to play" but to the hand organ grinder
both times come at once. Rochester
Democrat.
"Your speech is rather sharp, Think"
complained Mrs. Hawkins. 81 have to
make it so to get it in cdgewisc," re-
torted Hawkins.
First Disqualification I'm a liarl"
Second Ditto-"On the contrary, my
dear fellow, you have Just spoken the
truth. It'd Bits.
"Do you believe in corporal punish
ment for stupid school children" ayes,
spanking always makes 'em smart. -
Philadelphia Record.
The Parvenu-"Are you fond Of
belles-lcttres? The Chump-"Bele
Letters: Don't know. Never met her,"
Chicago News Record.
Snceze, sneeze, sneeza,
There is no way to help it, you sse,
For ttrrip1 has lapdn1 Ouc1 mora
In the home of the brave an the free.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Making Sure: She-"Then you'll
take me for a drive on Thursday" He
"Yes; but suppose it rainsl" She
"Comc the day before, then. "-Brooklyn
Life.
Col, Umbus-"If you knew America
was beastly Iefore YOU left England
whatever induced you to come ovcrl'
]. Taurus-"Oh, simply to verify my
suspicious"
Miggs-"Why do you suppose it is
considered bad luck to open al umbrella
in the house," Mjlton-"I suppose
there is danger of disclosing the owners
name. Inter Ocean.
The times when policy of dignitiel
silence would unqnestionably do man
the best service are the very times whea
a dignifed silence is particularly hard to
keep.-Somerville journal.
Farmers Wi!c-"Why don't you go
to work." Tramp--'I would If hal
the tools" Farmers Wife-"What sort
of tools do you want2" Tramp-"Knite
and fork. Texas Siftings.
Hownow-'Do you end the book in
teresting?" Mrs. Tangletongue-"Oh,
very" Hownow-"Who is the author?"
Mrs. Taugletongue-"Oh, his name isn't
given; it is published unanimously
Boston Courier.
Tommy Cabbage lat the Sunday din
ner table)-"Mrs. Tillinghast was knit
ting at church this morning" Mrs.
Cabbage (shocked)-"What on earth
was she knitting in church," Tommy
"Her brows. - Judge,
Lawyer-"So you have had this
stolen ring from babyhood. Pray,
what is your age?" The Court-"The
question is impertinent. The lady need
not answer" Lawyer-"Well, how
long have you owned the riug"-Jcwcl
ers' Weekly.
Maud,-"l don't see you at DR.. Flips-
ley's church any more" Madge-''No;
the colors the sun throws through those
new stained glass windows were too try
ing to my complexion, so was obliged
to sever my connection with the church"
Brooklyn Eagle.
She Sitting down)-"I see you are
not regular traveller on these suburban
trains lie standing up)-"That is
true. How do you know" "You gave
Inc your seat "And you, madam,
pardon me, are not a regular traveller on
suburban trains either" "Ah, how did
you guess that" "You thanked ne. -
Chicago Tribune.