davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
She Wanted to Know.

She boarded the train at a flag station
and took the seat ahead of me, and when
the conductor came for her ticket she mild
ly inquired:
Conductor, does this train ever run off
the track"
Hardly ever, ma am" he replied as he
winked at me.
But it does sometimes?"
"Yes'm, sometimes"
"You don't know whether it will run off
today or notY'
"No, ma'am. If we strike COW, it prob
ably will"
About where might you strike COW, if
you strike one today?" she persisted.
well, pretty soon after we pass Black
River, ma'am," replied the official as he
went away with broad grin on his face.
Black River was 20 miles down the road.
The woman sat very prim and erect until
we reached the town and left it. Then she
turned to me with:
Excuse me, but that was Black River.
wasn't itF"
"Yes'm."
And if we strike a COW it will be pretty
soon, won't it?'
That's what the conductor said"
Yes, and he ought to know. There's a
COW out there now, and l suppose we ought
to get ready for the accident"
She got brace for her feet, grabbed the
railing of her seat, and while the fat man
across the aisle and / were exchanging
winks and mods and flattering ourselves
that we knew thing or two there was a
bump, the front end of the coach reared up,
and next moment it lurched to the right
and went off the rails and slid down an en-
bankment and brought up in a marsh.
There were 2S of US in that car, and every
single one except the woman in the seat
ahead suffered severe bruises or broken
bones. The entire train went off, and there
were - killed and about 80 seriously in
jured. The cause of the mishap was an old
spotted cow, which had got fast in q cattle
guard. After we had been helped out by
way of the windows, found the woman
calmly seated on the grass, and she was
just as calmly saying to weeping female
beside her:
Il am sorry your are hurt, but you should
have asked the conductor where we were
going to strike cow and so have been pre-
pared for it." NJ. QUAD.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
Hard Times.

There was a distinctively aristocratic
stamp upon his face.
Even to the casual observer who was not
near enough to catch the aroma Of his
breath it was apparent that he was the
scion of noble race.
Yes" he repeated. II lay my ducal coro-
net at your feet"
Symptoms of chagrin were noticeable in
the countenance of the tall, willowy girl
into whose eyes he was gazing.
my lord"-
Her voice carried with it suggestion of
fever and ague.
you are aware of the existing finan-
clal stringency. 1 cannot accept your
offer"
He folded her in his arms.
Darling" he cried, distress not thy
self. am perfectly willing to take clear.
ing house certificates"
Her lips were silent, but she looked a
whole library of gratitude.-Detroit Trib-
une
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11

SAM DUN hEhS BE ftANGED.
'My name is Carter l spell it with c.
live in Darby county, this state. My OBJ
ject is to see if you are Sam Donkers."
Sam Donkers be hanged! never heard
of him in all my life, and haven't been in
Darby county in dozen years."
Didn't you sell fannin mills?"
mo, sir.''
Didn't you use to stop at my house?"
Not by a long shot"
And you didn't run away with my wife
Eliza the 10Th of July year agoN'
You blamed fool!' shouted the big man
as he seized him and slammed him around,
but what sort of game are you trying to
work on met"
Fire! Policei Lemme gor' yelled the
redheaded man.
Explain yourself before throw you out
of the window"
WAL, a fannin mill peddler named Sam
Donkers run off with my wife, and l thort
you was the man. / guess I'm mistaken"
Il know you are. Now, sir, you sit down
and behave yourself, or l will not be re-
sponsible for results"
The redheaded man sat down and pinned
up the rips in his coat and smoethed down
his hair and got his breath back Then he
turned to me with:
do you know him?"
No"
'If it wasn't right here, I'd lick himi The
idea of his being so mighty techy about
things! When a mans wife runs away,
hain't he got perfect right to ask about
her? Has an ole rhinosceros like him any
right to choke me Off Even If he was Sam
Donkers, and I'll be gaul burned If 1 don't
believe he is, all was going to do was to
ask if Eliza was well and wanted the pair
Of calfskin shoes she left behind when she
dug outr'
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
NO PLACE TO JOKE.
THE EDITOR OF THE KICKER THINKS
A FUNNY MAN is OUT OF PLACE
The Rising aumori Who Came From COL
orado to lie Real Funny Runs Up Against
snag the First Thine-A Doubtfn, Ex.
pertinent
ICoDyright, 1893, by Charles B. Lewis.l

Copyright 1893, by Charles B. Iewisl
OUR FUNNY MAN.-Last week a Young
man came along here who claimed to have
Deen the funny man on a Colorado paner
Ior Two or three years, but had lost his ioh
on account of the suspension of the Manor
he was willing to work cheap in order to
get new start and we took him on trial
Tor week at So. AS we had ALWAYS under
stood that funny man couldn't be held
down like other newspaper folks, we told
TINS chap to slash around on his own hook
and pick up his fun wherever he could find
It, AS he didn't look like tenderfoot. we
didn't think it necessary to post him on the
eccentricltles of any of our leading cit
liens Old Bill Jackson, who operates the
Terry across the Little Colorado river. is in
VarlaDly p lcked up by strangers as a comical
cuss. His mouth always wears a grin. and
there is bland and jokeful look from the
end OF his nose to the roots of his hair.
These things are deceptive, however. Ten
years ago Old Bill brought his wife out
here from Illinois at an expense of $50, and
she ran off with half breed inside of a
week. He's been mad ever since, and we
who know him best would as soon think of
tickling grizzly under the fore leg as to
joke with the ferryman.
Our funny man had got sight of old
Bill and estimated that he would pan out
about thousand jokes. He went down
to see him and found him asleep on the
bank of The river The funny man awoke
him by tickling him with straw and
whispering "Rats!'' in his ears. The can
tankerous old critter got up and seized
our rising young humorist and flung him
up and flung him down and pitched him
around and walked on him till he couldn't
have been worse off if herd of Thousand
mules had passed over him. When we got
possession of the body, it was supposed to
be lifeless, but after four hours hard work
the doctors famed up little fame, and to-
day the young man lives, though he is not
conscious. 1t will be six weeks at the least
before he can get out of bed, and probably
six more before we can ship him off to
some other paper wanting a funny man.
We shall be out of pocket at least 500, and
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
Better Than Stage Robb.ng.

II suppose" began an elderly gentleman,
addressing long haired yawper in front of
the Indian village-"I suppose you have
had some thrilling experiences in the west."
"Oh, ya-as," drawled the long haired
man
Ever fight Indianss'
Had 'em for break Cast.''
''Seen prairie fire."
Used to read by EN-"
Road agcnts?"
CHASED 'em over every knoll across the
Mizzouri.'
Don't you find your present occupation
rather tame and tiresomef'
Twas for time, stranger" replied the
long haired fellow, butts been sort o. home
like an nat'r since the Worlds fair roped
the manager here for the % per cent on the
receipts. Chicago Herald
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
What is
/! 3!: ASH '';;:!||''|!!';;

asora is DR.. Samuel Pitchers prescription Infants
Children 1t contains neither Opium, Morphine nor
other Narcotic substance 1t is harmless substitute
for Paregoric, Drops Soothing Syrups
Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years. use by
Millions Mothers. CastOria destroys Worms allays
fevershness. Castoria prevents vomiting Curd,
Diarrhaa and Wind Collie. Castoria relieves
teething troubles, constipation and fatulency.
CastOra assimates the food, regulates the stomach
bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas-.
toria Children's Panacea-the Mothers Friend.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11

r-,cropoo Indian Sagwa will cure all
..,rrIes originating in impure blood,
,a,,,v. speedily, permanently, and with
oc,pomv. Impure blood is manifest in
p,mnIes, Blotches, Boils, Carbuncles,
r-rntious or Sores, Sallow Skin, Salt
Rhcum, Etc.
T,ne only way in which to alter this state
,,,,i,,,s is TO Cleanse the Blood from all
,,,,,prities and allow Free, Unobstructed
,.rculation Through Every Vein and Ar
terry of the Body.
EicEapoo Indian sagwa as Blood max
Con-, g,ood.clednsipg and DEMONSTRATING medi-
,fno has eclipsed any blood purifier yet
produced.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
Living Questions

Are most esteemed by every intelligent man and
woman. arrangements Of the liver. stomach and
bowels speedily present to US the living question
OF obtaining relief. 1t is at once found in DR..
Pierce's Pleasant Pellets, which cure sick head
ache, constipation, indigestion, bilious attacks,
etc. Purely vegetable and perfectly harmless,
they are unequaled as specific for the COM
plants named. One tiny, sugar-coated Pellet a
dose. In walls, % cents. Carry them in your
vest pocket.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
NOT Mr.. DONKERS.
He Thought He Knew Him, but He Was
Mistaken.

He Thought He Knew Him, but He Was
Mistaken.
In the seat in front of me was short,
redheaded man, and in the one across the
aisle was large, portly man. l shouldn't
have paid any attention to either but for
the actions of the redheaded man, who
kept his gaze on the other one and seemed
to be greatly tickled about something. He
finally rose UP and stepped across to the
portly man and said:
"Mebbe I'm mistaken. but l think not.
Didn't you used to sell fannin mills in
Darby county,"
mo, sir" briefly replied the other.
"Hain't your name Samuel Donkersf'
mo, sir'
Didn't used to drive span of gray
horses to a red wagon and play on the fid-
ile?"
Look here, sir, but what are you trying
to get att" demanded the big man as he
laid aside his book.
Il thort knowed you"
But you are mistaken about it. don't
remember that | ever saw your face be-
fore"
Say, you are either Sam Donkers or his
man.
Il am neither one, sir!''
Don't seem as if my eyes could deceive
me-same eyes, mouth, nose and gold film
in your teeth. I'd swear you was Sam Don
kers"
Who're you, sir, and what is your OBJ
Iect in annoying me?" shouted the portly
man as he stood up and looked very fierce.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11

FITs-All fits stopped free by DR.
Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. No
fits after the first days use. Marvel
Gus cures. Treatise and 81 trial bot
tie free to fit cases. Send to DR.
Kline, 9S1 Arch street, Philadelphia
Pa For sale by all druggists; call
on yours
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
he Missed All the Eun.

1t makes ones heart bleed to learn that,
although DR.. Tanner came into parlia-
ment on the dead run, he did not get
there soon enough to bloody somebody
else's nose and get his own ears bitten off
In return. We can't help sympathizing
with the fellow who arrives just in time
to miss all the fun.-Chicago News-Rec.
ord.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
CaStOria.

"Castoria is so well adapted to children thas
1 recommend it as superior to any prescription
known to me-"
II. A. ARCHER, NJ. D.,
III So. Oxford St, Brooklyn, n. z.
"Our physicians in the children's depart
nent have spoken highly Of their expert
ence in their outside practice with Castoria,
and although we only have among our
medical supplies what is known as regular
products, yet we are free to confess that thu
merits Of Castoria has won US to look with
favor upon it."
UNITED HOSPITAL AND DIspENsAnY,
Boston, MAJ.
ALLEN c. SMITH, Pres,
rnr-pnv Cfranf Noxn vor6r ry;x-
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11

Manhood
and how to attain it.

At last medical work that tells the causes,
describes the effects, points the remedy. This
is scientifically the most valuable, artistically
the most beautiful medical book that has ap-
peared for years; 90 pages every page bearing
half-tone illustration in tints. Some of the
subjects treated are Nervous Debility, Impo-
tency. Sterility, Development. varicocele,
The Husband, Those intending Marriage, etc.
Every man who would know the grand truths,
the plain facts, the old secrets, and the new
discoveries of medical science as applied to
married life, who would atone for past follies
and avoid future pitfalls. should write for this
wonderful little book. 1t win be sent free,
under zeal. Address the publishers
Erie Medical Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
PURE BLOOD.
Long Life and Good Health"
In Kickapoo Sagwa.
Take Natures Remedy Now.

-, Persons suffering from the Impurities
ofthe Blood are Ready Prey of Epidem-
al Nalarial Fevers and all Forms of
prostration.- Indian Sagwa
=. the Safest, Best and Most Reliable
BLOOD Remedy Made.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
Castoria.

"Castoria is an excellent medicine for chill
dren. Mothers have repeatedly told me of its
good effect upon their children"
DIR. G. G. OsGoop,
Lowell, Mass.
"Castoria is the best remedy for children of
which en- acquainted. 1 hope the day is not
far distant when mothers will consider the real
interest Of their children, and use Castoria in
stead of the various quack nostrums which are
destroying their loved ones, by forcing opium,
morphine, soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their Threats, thereby sending
them to premature graves"
DR.. J. F. KINcHELoK,
Conway, Ark.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
He Knew.

There's one thing" said the new board
er emphatically, that will have to be SET
tied before l make up my mind to remain
with you"
And what is that?" inquired the land
lady anxiously. The new boarder paid
high price and paid it promptly
THE coffee" was his response.-Buffalo
CCr-ior
Mrs. Mary Virginia Proctor is editor.
proprietor and business manager of the
Democratic organ of Warren county. O.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11
scrofuIa Cured BY Saswa.

WINCHESTER, y. H., March IL, 1872.
For the past p years have been terribly
afflicted with Scrofula, and have tried
everything there was in the market, but
could get no relief. A year ago i pur-
chased six bottles of the Kickapoo Indian
Sagwa, and by its use was completely
cured, and the entire poison was elimin-
uted from my system. | always keep II
i'm the house, and my wife and myself both
take il whenever we feel the least bit run
down" | would rather pay $500 a bottle
Tor Kickapoo Indian Sagwa than to be
without 1t. -
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11

OF all races in the world the Indians
s.,nd pre.eminent for their longevity and
health. Why is it? Listen! If perchance
sickness attacks them, no Poisonous Drugs
are resorted to, nothing but nature is
consulted and natures glfts Appropriated
IN their cure. The best and most reliable
of roots, herbs, barks and gums constitute
their medicines-hence the Indians noble
uhvSiGue, pure blood, high muscular de-
yelopment, strong frame, and sound lungs.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11

glass, ana that mis- ears ma uneir way INTO
the jar of alcohol wherein are preserved
various kindred relics
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11

Company n Murray Street, New City.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-11

ONE on Us.-We had n telephone mes
sage from Clinch Valley last Tuesday to the
effect that the people of that town We're GO
ing to hold a public meeting on the subject
of admitting Arizona to statehood and that
we were wanted as one of the speakers.
We therefore gayly saddled our cayuse, put
ours oeech in our pocket and started out.
just as we were ready to go, the city clerk
sent over to borrow our office dictionary to
see how the word 'eventuate" was spelled,
and in fooling around we forgot to strap
on orr guns. We were two miles out of
town when we missed them, and then con-
cluded to trust to the speed of our mule in
stead of going back. 1t turned out to be
very foolish conclusion on our part.
We reached the crossing of Spike creek
without incident, but while ascending the
bank on the north side critter stepped out
from behind a bush, leveled two guns at
us and ordered us to get down. We
held our arms above our head while he
turned our pockets wrong side out We
had almost dollar in cash, but the avari-
cious critter was disappointed and indig
nant and made some awful threats. We
tried to put in a Sc watch to him at $50, but
he wouldn't have it. He was about to let
us of, when he came across that speech.
He was one of the few men in this territory
who are opposed to admission, and of
course he wanted to make it as hot as pos
sibls for u.s. While he sat on rock with a
gun in either hand and one of our best
cigars in his mouth, we were compelled to
deliver the speech. He frequently inter
rup1ed us to call us liar and a scoundrel,
but never to applaud.
The speech is timed for 20 minutes, and
the unfeeling scoundrel insisted on our re-
peating it three times over. While he
thought he knew us as editor of THE KICK
Err he wasn't quite sure, and it is needless
to say we lied about it and claimed to run
poker room. We returned home instead
of going to Clinch Valley. We have got
our affairs in shape to leave the office for
four or five days, and tomorrow we start
out. If that wretched apology for high
way robber is in Arizona, we mean to find
him. The dignity of journalism demands
that his scalp. ornament our office looking
The advocate and Topeka tribune., 1893-12-27

Providing For the Poor Who Attend the
Meetings and Are Deserving.
The Sunshine Bethesda mission, No.
405 South Clark street, has held its
doors open all night for more than q
week for the shelter of men who are
helped in the meetings and are also
homeless. A breakfast OF coffee and
bread is served, and an effort is made to
find work for the unemployed. Many of
these men are too scantily clad to take
positions which offer, some of them hav-
ing no underclothinG and most of them
being without ovsrcoats. Contributions
OF secondhand clothes Tor men, women
and children are solicited, and bakers
The advocate and Topeka tribune., 1893-12-27

Considers the City's Industrial Condition.
The industrial condition Of the city was
the topic at the fifty-seventh meeting of
the Presbyterian Social union Of Chicago
ct the Grand Pacific hotel last evening.
The advocate and Topeka tribune., 1893-12-27
SIGNS OF PROSPERITY.
The Happy New Year" Brought About by
Conservative Legislation.
And Still They Rail Against the Visionary
eChsmeS" Proposed BY
Populgts

cratic press concerning GOV0EnOr A9W"
elling's recent circular to police commits
sioners, the ADVOCATE believes that q
presentation Of existing conditions in sll
parts OF the country will better enable
honest and humane people to see the in
Justice and the cold blooded brutality OF
such criticism. This presentation will
necessarily occupy considerable space,
but it is believed that it will be profit
able for ADVOCATE readers to see it,
Without further introduction or COM
ment, therefore, it ia submitted.
The Chicago Tribune Of December 5
contained the following:
Thousands Of Homeless Men Are Suffering in
Chicago.
Three hundred men, out OF money and
out of work, slept in the city hall corri-
dor Sunday night. For two weeks or
more it has the Mecca Of men Of this
class. When the Fl list cold wave struck
Chicago, fifty men found refuge there. 1t
was thought the limit had been reached.
The recent blizzard has disproved this.
Friday night 200 starving, freezing un-
fortunstes sought the warm corridors OF
the city hall ss q refuge. Last night the
number increased to 300. 1t would seem
an imposeibility to accommodate such a
number in a hall 300 feet long and twelve
feet wide, yet this narrow pssssgeway
provides shelter and place to sleep for
that number and the men have not been
heard to Rrumble at their lodging.
A view Of the city hall corridors at
midnight would be sight to stir the
heart of a philanthropist. He would see
there 300 men disposed in all sorts Of
awkward and uncomfortable positions
and wrapped in sound slumber. The
men range themselves inSorderly fashion
on each side of the hall through it's en-
tire length, the feet Of one touching the
head Of another, and each one utilizing
his shoes ss q pillow. The cold stone
tagging does not form a soft couch, and
TO make it Rs comfortable as possible
the men secure newspapers, wrap them
selves up in the sheets, and lie down to
sleep.
STAIRS AT A PREMIUM.
On either side OF the hall four stair
ways lead up to the upper floors. The
steps form most inviting places to sleep,
and the old hand who knows the scheme
arrives early and selects one Of these for
his bunk. By midnight every step has
q sleeper. 1t is impossible to ascend the
stairs without stepping on the out
stretched bodies, but the men, tired and
worn out with days tramping, do not
mind the intrusion and are rarely
awakened. Now and then one who be-
cones disturbed in his dreams rolls from
his perch and does not stop until he
reaches the bottom Of the stairs. A con-
cBrted howl may be raised, but it soon
subsidies. Above all, the men are good
natured.
The class of men who make the city
hall their resting place at night is not OF
tho vRgrant type. They all tell one tale.
They came to Chicago to secure work
during the Worlds Fair and now that is
over they are out Of employment and
have no money to leave the city. Some
OF the men are we'll educated and in
every way are capable OF occupying good
noaitione.