The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1893-05-11

It must be a trying thing to stand
on the back of a horse car all day and
jerk a strap, collect nickels. and
answer questions, wise and foolish. 1t
has been observed, before, that the
a conductors lot is not a happy one.
But the silent patience with which
that lot has been borne has not su fl
GENTLY impressed itself, We think,
upon the public mind.
But it seems patience has reached
its limit, and the car conductor has
taken up arms against fate. No
longer are his griefs and wrongs to be
hidden under a mantle of silence.
They are to be dragged into the
fierce light of publicity, and the cul-
prits who make the conductors life a
long, slow torture are to be scourged
with the singing lash of satire.
Under the general heading of "Elec-
trio R. R. Items" a conductor,
strongly rebellant against destiny,
sends in some bitter and terrible con-
undrums, which are intended to
bring tears of modification and re-
pentance to those who read them in
our columns. They will also afford to
the psychologist and sociologist and
general observer of nature some
curious studies touching the innate
perversity of human nature. and the
total depravity of inanimate things.
For instance, when this query is pro-
pounded, "Why does every Jersey
man want to stand on the rear plat
form and puff q pool-room cigar?"
there is a world of speculation opened
which it might take the genius OF a
Shopenhauer to analyze. For in
stance, there is that remarkable point
about a J~erseyman preferring the
rear platform. New Workers notori-
ously affect the front platform to do
their pufing-when they cannot get
access to the columns of a daily news
paper; and just why the Jerseyman
prefers the rear one remains an I'M
solved mystery. The further ques-
ton arises as to the poolroom cigar.
Why does anyone insist upon smok-
ing one when Henry Clays can be
bought as low as forty cents apiece?
But if these points are elusive and
difficult, surely the next m fairly
takes the cake as a mental and moral
complexity. This is it;-"Why do all
women give a conductor five pennies
or a dollar bill?" At first sight this
seems simple; plainly, she gives it to
pay her fare. But this solution is at
best shallow and insufficient. 1t ac-
counts. perhaps, for the mere act of
giving, but not for the denomination
of the legal tender used. The selec-
ton of the five pennies from her store
of wealth is probably a mere product
of feminine Incidence and incon-
s~iderateness. The average woman
prefers that the conductor should
bear the burden of the five pennies
rather than herself. She does not re-
gard him as one weighed down with
fatigue and loose change. She simply
regards him as a masculine convent
enc designed by nature to bear any
load that is laid upon him. The dollar
bill problem opens up another train
of thought. The proffer of this par
ticular form of currency may, Wa pre-
sumo, be set down to a feminine love
of display. The woman who produces
the dollar bill designs. obviously, to
dazzle not only the conductor but all
her fellow passengers, especially the
other women, with a display of her
because she has no smaller change is
altogether too simple and straight
forward to be thought Of for a moment.
Transferring his attention from his
human tormenters to the car itself,
the main instrument OF his misery.
our satirical and pessimistic conduc-
tor states this tremendous proposition
in mechanics
WANTED-AN ELECTRIC A MADE FOR
W Montgomery street line, out of rubber; one
that will stretch out a block long aud take in
the mobs that are bound to get on an electric
ear, no matter how full it is.
Here the conductor states a griev-
ance, not of himself alone, but of the
whole community. The elastic street
car is "a long felt want" Perhaps
the continuous street car, stretching
from end to end of the road. would
sven better supply the demand. The
present form of conveyance, in which
all the room is 'up in front, please"
is decidedly behind the age and a
reflection upon the inventive gem
ius of America, which is supposed to
be equal to any problem. II the
psychological conductor will devote
his attention to this great enterprise
of genius he may earn himself a
reputation equal to that OF the man
who invented the Thirteen Puzzle or
81 him who wrote ''Tarara Boom
No Ayb