The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1893-01-18
FUN And PHILOSOPHY.
whom Duay Was on the bench.

interesting huu VAhteVNeNA7NS sA4N6S
concerning him;
A judiclous selection Of the things
Judge Duffy has said and done would
undoubtedly make an amusing book.
but as severe critic Of public men and
institutions he would hardly receive
much attention.
That he was really funny at times
some Of his remarks hereafter quoted
will show. Itiis probable that IN the
course Of his long experience as police
justice he never passed on q case with
out delivering himself OF some ootIEr
dictlinl
He was originally q public school
teacher and graduated at the Columbia
College Law School before becoming
police Justice. He has always retained
pedagogic manner. He Is, to use his
own Gathering description, "a man OF
refinement and CIVILIZATIONS a student,
particularly OF Shakespeare and the
Bible, and the possessor OF an ornate
diction," His conversation, 1t may be
said, is marked by nice arrangement
OF epitaphs,
When the prisoner pleaded that he,
was O stranger fromsome distant part
say st. Lawrence county-and not an
old offender, Duffy would ask him how
far Il was from some little-known viii
lage In that county to anothe. II the
man gave what appeared to DO correct
answer the learned magistrate would
''Dlscharged ioryour knowledge o. the
geography OF Northern New York;!
1.-THE offender alleged that he follow.
ed some reputable calling, Duffy would
ask him some question pertaining TO 1t.
Forinstance printer was brought be-
$50 you are a printer" said Duffy.
Slow many ems can you set in an
hour2n
.Too many. Ten dollars fine for tell
ing lie"
1twas curious thing that the pris-
oner was seldom pun shed for the Of
Tense for which he was arrested, but Tor
telling a lie, disgracine an honored
name or something Of that SORT
Ayoung reporter was once sent to Es.
sex Market police court for the first
time. Duffy, who was then sitting
there, became aware OF this TACT and
said;
'Young man, / will show you how the
duties Of tlfia Office should be- conduct
ed. Watchfme carefully"
"A young woman came forward and
asked him TO issue a warrant for the ar
rest Of a certain east side dentist.
"Well, what's he done% inquired
Duffy.
''He thole my teeth, your honor"
'sstole your teeth, eh2 What did he
dothat for?"
The young woman explained that the
dentist was her lover, and tibet she wore
false teeth. They (the lovers) fell out,
and the dentist in some unexplained
manner became possessed Of her teeth,
which he held and refused to give up.
The story seemed TO tickle the justice
immensely. His face assumed serious
expression, boding some fine jest, and
he said solemnly;
"Young woman, do you know what |
advise you TO dor
"What Is that, sir2"
nEat soup. Gohome and do il"
A grfmy-lo looking, red.bearded man
was arraighed on q charge OF drunken
ness. AS soon as he had taken his place
before the bar Duffy stared at him q
while thoughtfully. Then he said:
'step IN here and lay your head down
on the desk, my good man."
The man mounted the platform and
did as directed. The Justice placed his
hand on that portion Of the head which
grows bald first and felt around with an
air OF abstraction. His examination APP
peared to be unsatisfactory, for after a
few moments he muttered softly to
himself:
mo, no, it is not he; it is not he"
Then he turned TO the reporter and
said:
'Ith6ught that fellow was man who
had been up before me about five years
ago, but ] was wrong. / could have
told him by small bump situated on
the crown 9th head. Discharged"
Here lsNR selection OF reported speci.
mems Of DuHy's wit on the bench:
You say your name Is Patrick Duffy ?
Ten dollars for disgracing the honored
name Of Duffy
'John Diamond, you are not very
bright thiamorning will send you to
the island for three months. They will
polish you there"
THE officer says you were holding
up an awning-post. You had no right
TO do that. Ten dollars fine for assault
ing the awning-poat."
veterinary surgeon? You haven't
gotwhat is generally known as horse
John Kcllyi ! will discharge you
because you bear the name OF one otthe
noblest OF men that ever lived. II you
disgrace that name again l will aendyou
up for six months"
$50 you're a cook. You drank the
wine you ought TO have put in the pud-
ding. Ten dollars"
Jeremiah. Your parents were cruel
when they gave you that name. Dis.
charged because your name Is Jere.
niah."
0Why did you strike this man 2
Haven't struck man for thirty.seven
years"
"iood morning, madam. I'm gladIto
zee you. You're the frat Chinese lady
I've me"
You are a first wardenP So am /.
It's q healthy place for man to live.
You got the breeze from the Battery.
You won't got any for the next five
u am looking at your client. conn.
eellor Ho doesn't dazzle my eyes with
hiA beauty"
,You were cold, were your and had
taken 0 few drops TO make you warm2
They viii keep you warm on the island
forlhrcn months"