The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-07-25
ALL FOR THE LADIES
Funny Paragraphs, Useful Household
Hints and Other Matter Prepared
for Our Wives. Mo,Lars

Wives MOtGSTS
And Sisters
She-Have you read Modern Mar
riageG" He-No, madam, have ex
perienced it.
Mrs. Plankington-Here is my new
dress all right, but where is the bill9
Boy-I couldn't carry both.
When you go to e the man who is
too poor to take a newspaper, be care
tul that his dogs don't bite you.
II wonder why she gave him the
mitten3" ooh, that was the natural
outcome of the yarns he gave her!"
MI. Norris-Yes, my dear, there's
where you had me. Mrs. Norris
Where was that9 Mr.. Norris-At the
alter.
Babies sleep all day, when nobody
else wants to sleep, and cry all night,
when nobody else wants to keep
awake"
Auntie-So you want penny to buy
candy. Don't you know that sweets
are bad for the teeth2 Little fodder
-Ess, but Use only dot two.
Mamma-No, Johnny; one piece of
pie is quite enough for you. Johnny
1T Sunny; you say you are anxious
that I should learn to eat properly, and
yet you won't give me a chance to
practice.
Whipper-Old Golden seems to be
terribly cut up over his refusal by Miss
Spring, Snapper-Why, yes; the girl
couldn't even be a sister to him-for
her mother is only 38 years old, you
know!
Jane-Mr. Shallowpate is at the
door. Shall 1 tell him you are out3
Miss Pingle-Show him into the parlor,
Jane, and after he has laid his box of
chocolate on the mantlepiece tell him
I am out.
Teacher-We have been taught to
forgive those who despitefully use us,
but when Johnny Mugs hit you, what
did you do? Boy-I-I hit him back
but that was only so he'd have some
thing to forgive, too,
Wee Observation-Disclosures. may Ihave
a party9 Mamma-There isn't room
is this house for all the little girls you
know. Wee Daughter-That's why
1 think this would be a good time to
have it. I'm mad at bout half of EN-.
Employment Agent-What was the
matter with your last place9 Domestic
The couple had only been married a
month an ! cudn't stand tn love,
maxim. Agent-Well, here's a chance
in a house where the couple have been
married 10 years. Domestic-That's
too long. likes peace and quiet.
HOUSEKEEPING HINTS.
Don't put a bright colored carpet
into a room where the furniture is dull,
old or of neutral tints.
Don't have chandeliers or hanging
lamps with rooms of low ceilings, use
side brackets in such cases.
Don't furnish a north room in blue
or any other cold color; something of
a warm tint should be chosen.
Don't strain the baby's eves by allow
ing a strong light to shine directly
into them, especially when he first
wakes.
Don't hang a heavy portiere owe a
narrow door; generally speaking, hang
ings are out of place in a small house,
or with small rooms.
Don't fill the center of the room, IN
less there is plenty of space on all
sides; nothing offends good taste so
seriously as sense of being ''clut-
tered up"
Don't spoil the infant by walking or
rocking it to sleep, and do not let any
one else do so; it will sleep best and
most naturally when lying upon q
comfortable bed.
Don't have too much of one kind of
decoration in the house; two rooms
upon the same general pattern are
quite enough-an individual scheme
for each apartment is better.
Don't use all your kindness and gal
lantry away from home, and let the
unpIeasantness manifest itself in the
family circle; try the other course fora
time. and see how that will work.
CHINESE CHILDREN.
The gayly attired and merry Chinese
children on the streets is the n pc
culiar and picturesque feature of life
in San Francisco. The little faces are
bright and pretty, and though their
forms are hidden beneath the pictur-
esque jackets and trousers, there is a