The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1893-11-04
NO. %.
NO CAPTAINS TABLE FOR HIM.
He Thought That the Big Man Of the
Shin Ate with the Deck u.nds

NO IhouBht IhM the big Man OF the
Ship Ate with the Deck Hands.
He w's pacing the promenade deck Of
an ocean steamer. One Of bis eyes was
blackencd, and his red nose and swollen
features wore n capwOrn expression. The
breeze played gently with the tails Of his
long ulster and he could scarcely keep his
feet. A sudden urch Of the ship sent him
sprawling on the deck in front Of one Of
the passengers, who helped him up and
asked him If he were sick.
mo, my friend" he answered gravey,
"but Pm afraid I've made a big mistake.
Ever crossed the ocean before"
Two or three times" was the modest
answer
"Well, then" he continued, perhaps you
can tell me whether was right or wrong"
How was it,"
well, you see IL was this way. The
other day | was appointed United States
consul To little port over here across the
pond. I'm on my way there now. took
cabin passage on this boat and was hav-
ing "A tiptop time until today This morn
ing had just sat down to breakfast when
big waiter came up behind me, and said
he, i beg pardon sir, but the captain re-
Iu'0N6 biihb eDll Dt bftNFNl db HIS LhDlts
Whats thatP said |, sit at the captains
table. Not much, sir Tm no plug Of a
common sailor. Pm United States con-
sui. Ipaid for first class passage on this
craft and I'm going TO have first class
grub.
" Sit at the captains table! You must
be crazy, man. No, sir, I'm going to sit
right here and take my meals like the
other first class passengers. I'm a gentle
man. I'm an American sovereign, sir. and
| stand on my rights. The next thing
you'll want me to go down and take pot
luck with the coal beavers Pm no steer
age passenger. If you don't believe it
here's my ticket. | don't eat with sea
captains, do you see?
Everybody at the table began 10 look
astOnished like, and the waiter said: Pm
sorry, sir, but orders is orders. wouldn't
dare tell the captain that you had refused
to come to his table. He would be much
insulted, sir Then let him get insulted,
said l. getting bit riled It's none of his
business where sit. don't have to eat
with my social interiors. Pm going to sit
right here, and if you don't take your hand
off my shoulder Pll paste yaI one right be-
tween the eyes,
But you don't understand he be-
gan, and put his hand on me again. With
that got up and hit him. He struck
back and we clinched, rolled over on the
floor and gouged each other A lot of the
waters ran up and parted us. got up
and left the room without any breakfast.
Just as | went out heard somebody re-
mark that | was the biggest fool that
ever stepped off dry land. Now tell me,
stranger, is a man fool because he stands
up for his rights'
Certainly not, answered the other pas
senger, but don't you know that it is con-
sidered great honor to be invited to the
captains table; 1t is an honor accorded
only to people of high social rank or Off
ciai position. The captains table is con-
sidered the finest in the dining ROOM
"'In the dining roomn he gasped. Then
it amt down in the forecastle All, now
catch on. What tarnal fool Ive been,
anyhow. I'm going to get the biggest
deck hand on board to kick me all over the
ship and then I'm going to my stateroom,
and | won't stick my nose outside until we
get to Queenstown. Goodby. my friend"
New York Tribune.