The Portland daily press., 1893-01-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

you got there-my watch?
Tom-Yes.
Fond Father-And what is that in
your other hand?
Tom-The can opener. wanted to
open the watch. blew on it several
times, and I'm fraid it's broke, cause it
wouldn't open.-Harper's Bazaar.
1 have been sufferer from -catarrh for 20
years. found immediate relief In the use Of
Ely's Cream Balm. Since using 1t have not
suffered moment from headache, sore thIoat
or loss OF sleep, from which previously suf-
fered caused by catafrh. consider your Balm
valuable remedy. r. G. Vassar, 56 Warren
ST., New York.
Fond Mother-Harold, how are you succeed
ing at college?
Harold-The professor says I'm getting up in
figures.
Mother Indeed.
Harold-Yes; / used to be. seventh in my
class, and now stand sixteenth. I'm pushing
on.-Texas Siftings.
Success follows the use of Halls Hair Re-
newer for grayness and badness.
The New Departure.
Her Father-I believe you wish to speak to
me about marrying my daughter9
Her Adorer-Yes, What are your habits, sir?
And also wished to inquire concerning the
amount of money you save each year, and to
ask if you think you can make me happy
Life.
Baby cried,
Mother sighed,
Doctor prescribed: Castoria!
Wouldn't Risk It,
Waiter-I expect that you will pay in advance
sir.
Guest-What do you mean?
Waiter-No offence, sir, whatever; but the
last gentleman who ate mackerei mere goI
bone in his throat and died without paying. and
the guv'nor took it out Of my Wages.-Wonder.
Ely's Cream Balm is worth its weight in gold
as cure for catarrh. One bottle cured me-
s. A. Lowell, Franklin, Pa.
The Kind He Wanted. | ~v-s-
Irate Neighbour don't like that brass band
YOU fellows have set going next door to me.
Leader-Oh. don't you9 Well, perhaps you'll
tell me what Kind OF a band you would like?
Irate Neighbor-A disband, that's what
Detroit Free Press.
Ayers Cherry PectoraI for coughs and colds.
Ask your druggist for Ayers Almanac
To Be or Not to Be.
The Shakespearean artist had firing four or
five of his evolutionary efforts at the miners in
Wind Shake Gulch and they were beginning to
be FESTIVE. On the fifth round he began:
sfrTo he mot to he that ia the uueStlOn. -
A grizzly old fellow rose to his feet
well look here, mister" ne Sald .'ef that is
the question move that you amt" and with a
wild whoop the motion was unanimously car
ried.-Detroit Free Press.
SO to Speak.
Woman is wonderfully made! Such beauty,
grace, delicacy and purity are alone her pos
sessions. So has she weakness, Irregularities,
functional arrangements. peculiar only to her.
self To correct these and restore to health
her wonderful organism requires a restorative
especially adapted to that purpose. Such an
one is Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription-pos-
sessing curative and regulating properties to
e-qecoDaq'oe,sded for no other! Continually
growing in favor and numbering as its Staunch
friends thousands Of the most Intelligent and
accompanies each bottle--at your druggists.
Sold on trial.
Clemenceau and Deroulede
On the field of honor met
Meier bullet, meier blade
With sanguine drop was wet.
For though they met and though they fit
Neither man was ever hit.
Exchange.
The most skilful combination of alternatives
known to pharmacy is Ayers Sarsaparila
WIN. III. MARKS,
Book, Card
AND