The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1893-10-16
UNCLE SETH AS A ooNsoLeR.
Priceless Philosophy From Man who
Earns 90 Cents Every Day.

Earns 90 Cents Every Day.
Wal, so ye he'd yer laig sawed off in
sawmill, did YEP Sawed right off two inches
above the knee2 Wal. it's the best thing yer
could do. Hold yer horses Hold upi Don't
say world | came down here on purpose
to console We an now don't go to gettin riled.
/ tell We n man ought to be happy who is
lucky enough to get his laig sawed off.
Hold on, now don't yer see I'm consolin
YEP Wen feller's tryin to say sweet words
Of comfort an peace to We, it's plaRue-on pro-
vokin to hey We go an r'ar up about it. l
tell We, Ab'rum, it's the biggest thing ye
ever did wen yer went an he'd that ar laig
sawed off. It's money in yer pocket, an 1t
would ha' been more money in yer pocket to
he'd yer other laig sawed off too-on'y in
that case yer wouldn' had no pocket to put
yer money into Hell he
Oh, so you can't see any use in any SIGH
tom-fool, fol-de-rol nonsenseS tell ye it's
jest as true rs Scripter mixed with the cen
sus report that every experience man has
is worth 81 to him. Any miserable, every
day experience Is worth 81 to him if he is
the right kin er man. Ye know young Bob
Perkins, who couldn't earn his salt fore he
lost his right laig. Then he went circusng
roun to all the shows in the country as the
one laiged bicycler an made S1,100 in one
summer. Wen he fell off'n his bicycle an
lost his other laig, he went roun with
menagere an a circus walkin on his hands,
an he made $4,000 in one trip. If you
want to ketch fortune, you can ketch it
quicker on one laig than yer can ON two,
an We can ketch it walkin on yer hands in
no time. You know oil Cy Perkins, who
wuz born up here at the Bean placer A
regular lummix Wal, he went to the war
an lost his laig Guess he lost it runnin
away, coz he wus so scarf he allus run away
from an angleworm coz he wuz feered it
wus n snaik. Wal, he wuz so scarf that
wen some of the Union boys shot some
tame turkeys he heerd the firm an thought
the rebs We're comm an started to run SO
fast that one laig tumbled over the other,
an he got all mixed up with hisself an
broke it. Wal, sir, he came home, an we
all kinder pitied him-he wuz SIGH a gawk
an we made him sillickman, an mex year
we pitied him some more, coz he wuz
| gawkier than ever, an sent him to the leg
| islatur, an I'll be dinged if the deestrict
didn't take him up an run him for congress
on his soldier record.
Wal, sir, he run good deal better than
the other man, COZ the other man didn't hev
either n wooden laig or wooden head, an
Cy was well supplied with both. If the
other Teller he'd he'd five laigs an bicycle,
he couldn't hQ' run for congress az quick az
oil Cy with his wooden laig an his head of
the same material.
l tell ye Ab'rum, as l said afore, every
experience is with 81 to man if he knows
how to use it, OF course losin yer laig is
with thousans. But every little miser'ble
experience is with 81 if you've only got
gumption enough to carry it to the right
market an sell it. Ye might give hungry
man bushel of taters an he would starve
to death if he didn't know 'nough to cook
'em. An experience amt with nothin if
we don't know how to use it. Neither is a
$40 bill
l tell We every experience is with 81 to
ye, an every man ought to hev three eX-
perfumes day-like gettn cinder in his
eye, losin his pocketbook or fallin off u hay
mow-he oughter get three "A day, an that's
50, an that's 81 600 year; an so every man
who's 60 years oil ought to be with $50 .OOU
How oil am |? Wal, I'm 60 myself. How
much am | worth? Oh-er-er - mighty
pleasant weather we're hevin now, amt it,
Good grass weather, good weather for
garding sass, good weather for critters,
good GROWN weather, good wealth How
much am l wuth? Wal, I've got thirteen
dollars an some odd cents in the bank, but
then hain't never had no time to go foolin
roun to fin a market for my experiences
But can't hang roun here no longer Bill
Smith is givin me 60 cents day to take
care of his stock, an l must hurry home to
water the cows.-S. w. Foss in New York
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