St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1893-09-09
THE JOKERS' BUDGET .

/ III JUN LNC DO DoL L .
JEsrs AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Heaviest Sentence-Good Friends
Effect of a Tropical Cliinate-ihe is
Older, Too, Etc, Etc.
TIE HEAVIEST SENTENCE.
Prmus-IIow did Hollis explain his
dcsertlon of his wife and children to the
Justice?
Secundus He said his wife was q
virago. He was punished for resisting
the police.
Primus-Got six months on the isl
and2
Secundus No. Six months at home
Judge.
GOOD FRIENDS.
Clcverton-lIave a cigar?
Dashaway-I don't care if do, old
man. | know It's good one if you
have it.
Cleverton-Y You tlatter me-
Dashaway-No. | don't tlatter you.
flatter your friends. - Truth.
EFFECT OF A TROPICAL CLIMATE.
"The --LATEST feIers | ever see, not
barrin Thompson there, evcn,' said the
man with the ginger beard. "Was down
in Central America. Tell you what |
see once. | wandered into a little saloon
that one of the greasers KEEP, and what
should | see but lot of fcllers settin'
round table with a lot of dice on it.
an all of 'cm watchin' them dice as if
they spected them to turn over Of their
selves. Which, slre enough, they did
in minute Then | got onto their
game. You see about every three or
four minutes they is a earthquake in that
country, and them lazy halfbreeds was
lettin' the earthquake do the shakin' of
the box for 'em. Now what do you
think of that? 81 indianapolis Journal.
HE is OLDER, TOO.
Bertha-What do you find lovable
ABOUT tldt niue gin:
LiIian-Nothing; absolutely nothing.
Bertha-Then why do you kiss her so
affectionatcly?
Lillian Sh. You ought to see her
handsome brother!- Chicago Record.
THE ONLY KIND.
Tagleigh-Dr. Druggom is quite a
lingust. He tells me he has learned all
his languages from his patients.
Waglcigh-Is that so : Then they
must be dead languages. Il New York
Herald
THE MEDAL MAN.
The Liars Club was in session, and
certain Chicago drummer, noted for his
extravaganza, had been called on for his
contribution to the evenings stories.
He had Il carefully prepared manuscript,
for this was to be the effort of his life.
Tie went down into his pocket for it and
came out with a handful of paper.
"What's all that:' inquired the chair
man in alarm.
"Don't worry was the reassuring
-vply; chose are only rcccipted bills"
The chairman gasped.
''Herc,' he said, take the medal; you
needn't tell anything more. y Detroit
Free Press.
aCAIEs AWAY THE HUNGRY.
Why no one boards with her at all
Her basement dining room will show,
Where hangs the motto on the wall,
~ t,,t = u
- New York Herald.
HIS PARTING SHOT.
"NIr.,' said the greasy man in the door
way, pIaintively, could you spare
dollar to hell poor man along ~
II think could" answered the man
at the desk, drawing a silver dollar from
his pocket, looking fondly at the coin,
and dropping it back again, "but I'm
not going to do it.
keep it - rejoined the greasy caller
in husky voice. "Keep it It's only
worth As cents. - Chicago Tribune.
LUxURIEs DEBARRED.
"Pm going to marry her right off,
"What's your hurry 2"
"My salary isn't large enough h
stand an engagement. - Brooklyn Life.
TO BE PITIED.
"Please, ma'am, give some money to
a orphan z"
Heres quarter. Isyour father dead,
little boy?"
"No, ma'am, the moneys for me
fodder; he's orphan" - [Chicago
Record
TOO TEMPTING.
Il think, Willie" said his father, who
had been looking through the new
house, II shall give you one of the
rooms at the other end of the build
ing"
"Nhats the matter with this one?n
inquired Willie, anxiously.
The matter, my son." rcjoined the
parent, his left eyeid COM
ing down slowly over the eye, is that |
the window opens out on the kitchen
roof, the coal shed is close to the kitch-
en- and this is the circus season. - Chi |
cago Tribune.
A MATTER OF AGE.
Cholly-Ies, I'm man of the world.