The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1893-07-01
THE ARIZONA KICKER,

month dignity compelled US to put a
bullet into eX Judge Green of this town.
He had sworn 10 humilate us, and he
met us on Apache avenue and pulled
our nose. We dropped him, but to
prove we had no ill-will we sat up with
him every night for two weeks and paid
his doctor bill. The Judge never for
gave US, however. He came here to
run the town, and he found us in his
way He had been used to licking
editors all his life, and to have one of
the fraternity get the best OF him ranked
in his soul. Six months ago we were
informed that the Judge had bet TWO
to one with Bill Poole, the faro man,
that he would make us eat dirt in front
of the postoffice at high noon, which is
our usual hour for calling for our mail
We oiled up our guns and forth,
fully realizing that the prestige of the
editorial fraternity of this Territory was
at stake. While the Judge was looking
for US from the south we approached
him from the opposite direction. 1t
will be remembered that we disarmed
him and that on his knees he asked
our forgiveness and promised not to
thirst for our gore any more. We sold
his two guns at public auction and
gave the money to an orphan who
wanted to get back to Boston awfully
bad, and we supposed the Judge would
go out of business. 1t seems, however,
that he only let 60 again to get better
hold. Saturday evening last people saw
him skulking in the vicinity Of The
Kicker office armed with a shotgun.
He was no doubt looking for a chance
to drop us, but Providence interviewed.
While skulking in the alley in the rear
of the office, he must have fallen over
some obstruction, for he was found
dead Sunday morning, victim of his
own weapon. We buried him at our
own expense, and also acted as pail
bearer. We had nothing against the
Judge and we think of his death with
sorrow 1t is always sad thing to find
a man making mistake in his mission
on earth. The Judge would have made
a good superintendent of clothespin
factory, or he would have done paSsably
well as stage driver or prospector,
but he was determined 10 become a
champion editor killer Had he not
fallen by bis own hand, we should have
riddled him sooner or later, and the
result would have been the same. We
hope and trust that he is better off. In
that land to which he has gone, may
his ambitions have full swing, and may
there be no editors to cast shadow
across his sunny path.
THE MAJOR RETURNS. - Three
weeks ago Major Hunnewell Of this
town started for New York city with a
view of settling down there as our regu.
lar correspondent. We heard nothing
from him until two days ago, when he
walked into The Kicker office sad
mad and disappointed man. The
major didn't like New York to begin
with. No one seemed to be looking
for his arrival, and no one appeared to
care a copper after he got there. He
hadn't struck Broadway before he felt
lonesome for glimpse of slab shanty
saloon with smiling proprietor and a
double barreed shotgun behind the
bar. He missed the thrifty cactus, the
barbed-wire fence and the ambine
mule and long-horned steer. We not
only cautioned the major that they
probably burned gas in the big city,
but gave him written instructions not tc
blow it out or tie rag over the burner.
He mislaid the card, blew out the
fame and was discovered just in time
to save his life. When the major
started out to do New York with a
lasso coiled on his shoulder, the police
ran him in. When it was discovered
that he had two guns strapped around
him, Judge fined him SIS. He put
on his buckskin suit and stood in Union
square and uttered a war whoop, and
he was run in again. He went into a
saloon and pounded on the bar and
asked the crowd to step up, and they
called ina policeman to throw him out
He called at most of the newspaper
offices, expecting to have long, friendly
chat with the editors and get some
pointers, but all were too busy to see
him. They demanded that he remove
his hat in restaurant where he went
for grub, and because he refused he
was bounced clear across the road
The major held on for two weeks, hop
ing to make a roundup of it, but being
robbed of his watch and bunkoed out o.
most of his money, he decided to give
the East the cold shake and come
home to this great and glorious province
M. QUAD.
copyright, 1898, by Charles B.
Le1sis