The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1893-07-12
THE ALLEGED HUMORISTS

THE ALLEGED n MORlSTS.
There is a melancholy coincidence
in the fact that this is the age of scien-
tiic cookery and the age Of dyspepsia
Boston C0wiey.
"Tell me, is your wife curious?'
She2 | really believe she came into
the world only out of pure curiosity. "
-FiiegeHde Bldtter.
Miss Loveorn Would you believe
De Garry made me blush last night2
Miss Caustic-No, | wouldn't.-Ne7g
York SIN,
"Those Thompsons are bad lot.
Three out of the four ought to be in
the penitentary." "What Of the
fourth?" He's there. Time.
Dasher-I hope you don't object to
my smoking Rev Mr. Mylde-N-not
in the least, f--you don't object to my
being sick, Pick me.HP.
Yes, young woman possessed of a
million certainly has good figure, and
the young man who lives on Washing
ton Square has a pleasing address. -
Harber's Bazaar.
Susan B. Anthony greatly admires
Mrs. Potter's Cleopatra. Miss An
thony knew the original Cleopatra
when her brother Marc was attentive
to the Egyptian Queen.-IVorld.
An echo from the ball; Masker-
Have you got a knife about you,
waiter? My friend and came here as
the Siamese Twins; but he's been over
doing it little, and want to cut the
rope!-PHck
Mrs. LennpX Hill Jr-Im SO glad
you've cone, LelnoX. Christina, the
nurse-girl, left this morning, and, as
she's taught little Beekman nothing but
Swedish | can't find out what he wants.
Puck.
The Miss Browns -Oh, SO glad to
see you, Mary But we've such dread,
full colds, we can't kiss you, dear, we
can only shake hands. Fair visitor
Oh, dear, how sad | hope you
haven't got a cold, Mr. Brown
PHHch
Hattcrs assert that the average
American head is considerably smaller
than it was fifty years ago. This is
strange, considering that the average
American head is often 50 much larger
to-day than it was last nght.-Ph1ld
delbhia Press.
"Pshaw said a Sixteenth street
lady to her husband, who had been
criticising her attire, what does man
know about a woman's clothes, any
way?' "He knows the price, my dear, %
he replied, gently and she retired. -
Washington Critic
Mrs de Culture-Horrors! Going
to marry that young Mr.. HaySeed
Are you crazy2 He eats pie with a
knife. Miss de Culture know it,
ma, but I love him. "You'il die OF
disgust" "No, | won't. I'll never
have pie. Philadelphia Record.
"Why are you shoveling that snow
on to the clean sidewalk" Faith
sor, Oh contracted wild tn womin ir
tn house for ter clane off TIL sidewalk
for tin cints, an bedad, whin Oh fin
ished she wouldn't pay me; an be.
CORA, back goes her bIothy snow. -
Life.
Old Mr.. Weari ec-Yes, know In
old, and blind, and lame, and poor
and forgotten, but | never cease tC
thank the Lord for one thing, parson
Parson-W What is that, my friend Old
Mr. Wearilee-That I'm not re
tired President - Burlington Free
Press.
Dude (enterng Delmonico's, tc
waiter; the dude carries heavy stick
with an enormous horses head)-Hat
waiter Waiter-Yes, sir. Dude
Coat, waiter Waiter-Yes, sir. Dude
- Cane, waiter Waiter - Yes sir
Have it blanketed, sir2-LVe
Brown producing his scrap-booE
and pointing with pride to one of hi!
early efusions)-There, read that
wrote that when | was only twelve
years old! Fogg (after reading)-Car
it be possible, Brown, that you were Sc
old as twelve when you wrote this2-
= Boston Transcript.
Mistress Marie, saw you kissing
a young man at the kitchen door thi
morning. | want you to understand
that will not stand that sort of thin!
at all. Marie-Pardon me, madam;
did not know the young man was
friend of yours, 1t shall not ocCu
again.-Teyye HaHte Express.