Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-05-18
Let Us Laugh.

| NlSlOu llC uUtbu U always lGlCI w uuO
vote. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
SOME orators are badly stuck by
the time they reach the point Of a
discourse. cleveland Plain Dealer.
A MAN with a broken leg is apt to
do a good deal of darning while the
leg is knitting, -Binghamton Leader,
TALK is cheap. If you don't be-
lieve it sec how much you can get for
the price Of shave.-Elmira Ga
zette.
No MAN ever disputed boundary
line to the extent Of shoyeling snow
past his neighbours fence.-Elmira
Gazette.
The chambermaid knows how to
put in sweeping denial when ac-
cused Of smashing the brlc-a-brac.-
Troy Press.
The young man who puts his foot
on his knee in the street car is pre-
pairing to take lessons on the mando-
lln.--Plcayune.
IN the sufferers lexicon there is
no such animal as a coon; he gener-
ally makes cocoon of him.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
ST. LOUIS has girl phrenologlst,
Evidently woman is getting to the
head in the march Of progress. -
Boston Transcript.
SIS HARKAwAY as dull as they say
he is?" "Every bit. Why, my foot
went to sleep when Harkaway was
talking last night Truth.
"DID you ever go to Bins, the
tailorP" "Yes. Got two suits from
him. One dress suit. One law suit.
Very expensive man. "-Waif.
OF course she knew it: Harry
Does she know you love her? Fred
She can't help knowing it. Why, she
told Inc she had $4,000 a year. -
Life.
In case hoops do come there
wouldn't be appropriateness in re-
viving the old song, "Im Sitting on
the Style, Mary. - Philadelphia
Times.
A RECENTLY published book enti-
tied Fairbanks Book Of Crests" de-
clares that only tWenty-one Ameri-
can families are entitled to the use
OF a crest.
A CONTEMPORARY gives the start
ling information that persons should
"dress quietly when attending the
funeral of a dear friend. "-Philadel-
phia Record.
Snow" SAID the editor, II want
you to write up Chicago's magnjfl-
cence as a pork center" II see" re-
piled the reporter-"a pen picture. =
Washington Star.
"THIs is temperance hotel, isn't
it?" asked one guest of another. II
think 1t must be, was the reply. 81
never knew it to be full. Browning,
King s. Co. IS Monthly.
MRS. MUsCAvADo-Ihe Newriches
are people who don't know who their
grandparents were. Mrs Rockoil-
Oh, yes, they do, but they hope that
no one else does. Brandon Bucksaw.
"YoUNa man." said the Judge,
sternly, "your face is familiar. Have
you ever been in this court before?"
mo, sir" replied the young man,
"I'm faro dealer. "--Pittsburg Dis
patch.
MOTHER Haven't l told you little
boys must be seen and not heard?
Johnnie--Yes'm. Mother-Then why
do you talk so much? Johnnie-I
guess 1 must have inherited it.-De-
troit Free Press.
Boees-"The United States Senate
is the great National Theater, after
ALL" Foggs--"How so?" Boggs-
Seats in the body of the house cost
more than those in the gallery
Smith, Gray g. Co. IS Monthly.
JUDeE-Why did you not return
the pocketbook you found on the same
evening? Defendant-It was too
late. Judge-Why, then, did you
not deliver it in the morning? De-
fendant-No use; nothing left in it.
--Fliegende Blaetter.
any old aunt out in Brown County
has sent me a jar of branded peaches, I"
said Mr.. Lashforth to row Of
friends. Nov, while l don't like
peaches, still 1 fully appreciate the
spirit in which they were rendered.
indianapolis Journal.
DUDELEIGH-Where Is Mile. Kick
up tonight? Mile. Souriante-Sh
is unable to appear Dudeleigh--
Why? Mile Souriante-She at
tended a little private party last
night, and unfortunately stubbed
her toe on the chandelier. Brooklyn
Life.
DETECTING PARENTs-Y Yes, I know
how it is with you young people.
You'd get along so long as the sea is
calm and it is smooth sailing, but
what would you do in case Of squall!
Practical Sailor-Well, if the worst
comes to the worst we can employ
nurse. Puck.
THE deacon's wife wanted to lot
down the text, and, leaning over to
herscapegrace nephew, she whispered:
Have you any cards about you?"
"You can't play in church" was the
solemn, reproving answer, and the