Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1893-12-03
MAJOR AND MINOR

Managing editor to new man-'I ace
that you are turning out an immense
amount OF work from your department.
Don't you need an a~ssistant?"
New man-"All l need Is a good scIs-
sorgrinder and / can keep this gait up
year In and pear out"
A Chicago policeman refused a bribs
OF $500 aud the papers over there ara
trying to raise a question as to his
lunacy. They can account for his uni.
que break In no other way.
Old Friend-"What In the world in.
duced you to call that child Revenge?
Mother-'I did il because every ono
says that revenge is sweet"
Judge-''Do you work?"
Prisoner-''rhat's my long suit. I
was working the hotel when the copper
nabbed me-"
They call them selling races because
a big majority OF those who take a
chance at the pool box are sold.
The detectives profess to be scourlnR
the city all the time, but they never
succeed in keeping it clean.
A good many tragedies have grown
out OF just "a friendly game Of cards"
II is now In order to try Chief Justice
Fuller for heresy.
Preacher-"Wqy, Miss Winston, l
would have known YOU At once by the
remarkable resemblance you bear "a
same eyes. the same poise OF the head.
IL certainly is remarkable"
Miss Winston-''But Mr.. Winston
IS not my father; only my stepiAther."
Preacher-"That only makes IL the
more remarkable"
She-"I saw the announcement Of
your engagement TO that darling Miss
Wiusome. When does the happy event
take place."
He-"Never."
She-"Never? What IN the world
has happened?"
He-"Why that old chump OF a
father OF hers had all his money In the
bank that failed the other day"
Old Crusty-''When that preacher OF
ours gives out a text it always makes me
think OF one Of my son Bills resola-
tions on New Years day."
''How's thst?"
"He never sticks 10 IT,"
"They say that Lungster has 9 pow.
eriul voice"
Powerful is no name for II. l have
known II TO throw a whole orchestra
out three times 10 the same evening""
Here, you told me l would be de.
lighted TO see this horse go when / got
him on the road. He won't move q
foot"
"Well, wouldn't you be delighted to
see him go?"
Trusts would be vastly more popular
II they would only trust, and combines
Of a financial character would be hailed
with delight il they would only pass
around the combination.
"You say that your daughter has
struck out for herself; is she engaged In
a sound b~usiness?"
~ should say so. She's in . telephone
exchange"
Teacher-"Do they hang in Michi.
gan?"
Class In chorus)-"Yes, ma'am."
"Teacher-"Well this is no law
school; | guess you are right"
A friend-"Do you think that doctor
of yours can pull you through"
Old Moneybags-" Pull me through
OF course he will. He can't afford TO
lose me-"
"Falser sings beautifully. but they
tell me he can't tell the truth" That's
right. hes the most tuneful Tyre In
the State"
Shells this Mr.. Jollyet who 10 go
Ing to visit you tall or short?"
He-"Always short. Never has .
cent"
laughing uproariously al r fat man who
had been upset by a blcyclist, a wheel
going at the rate OF twenty miles an
hour struck the policeman and knocked
him within a few inches OF half q block.
Ten minutes later the rider who had
bowled the b~lue.coated guardian over
was looking through the bars, while the
the fellow who had collided with the
fat man was cavoeting about the streets
ata Nancy Hanks clip. IL makes q
vast difference in q large city whether
you over a common citizen or q police
man.
IL is said that chestnuts attract gray
SQUIRRELS. What a chance for sport
there Is in some OF the newspaper offices
OF the country.
Prosecutor-"Dld you ever threaten
the murdered man?"
Prisoner-"I never did, SIR"
Prosecutor-"Didn't you say 10 him
that you would get ever with him II II
took you twenty years."
Prlsoner-"That was before be was
murered."
"Where Is Artie recently? / haVen't
seen him in the whlrl for some time"
poor Artie, be went TO a new barber
a week or two ago and the fellah just
wuined bis bangs. Compwetely wulned
them"
Millionaire Pufy-"Wm wealth buy
social recognition where merit does not
command it?"
Miss Pioneer-''Surely no ono should
know better than you, DIR. Puffy"
Men who enjoy ho:se racing this year
must love 10 burn their money.