The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1893-02-25

but Cor which ! must inevitably have
iost my life. Now II you viii add TO
your good iabors by assisting me 10 re-
cover my horse, will"
Hold on" said Louisiana man
(this was In a congressional cloak
room), ''your story 10 sll right, King,
only IL happened in my own love.
Louisiana"
"Pshaw!" said virginian. "It was
right out here on the Richmond road
not dozen miles from Washington"
As matter of fact, the story Is ser
eral thousand years old and still in oou-
paratively good health.
There is Chicago story whscn IN tod
about Eugene Field, Philip u. ArncvY,
DIR. Gunsaulus and half dozen other
victims. The hero couldn't have been
Field, for he Is an eccomplisfe ed aEgaist.
The tale runs that Chicago mHn yis-
iting Paris sat down one day IN a -es-
taurant. Utterly ignorant os the Ian
guage, he ran his thumb down the bill
of fare little way and said: ''Herel
Bring me some o. that" Tee waiter COM
piled, struggling his shoulders as one
who disclaims responsibility and pres
emily returned with dish of picked
pigs feet.
"H-ll'' remarked the pork packer,
surveying the array, show did he know
was from Chicago?"
Chauncey M. Depew, Robert G.. Inger~
soil and Senator Wolcott, of Colorado,
are called three of the wittiest speakers
in America. One of Depew's best jokes
a. o,.A
famous next day. IL was at the mass
meeting during the Minneapolis con-
vention. Depew was holding his audi
ence ia great shape when he compared
somebody or something with "the in
ebriated chamois which, in its Alpine
fastness, leaps from jag 70 jag" Prob
ably because Depow's accurate pronun-
citation of the word "chanois" wasn't
the one taught in the district schools,
there was hardly a ripple of laughter.
Next day when folks saw the joke in
type, they roared.
Speaker Capron, of Rhode Island, tells
with gusto a story Of tax collector
who, after an exciting experience out
side, burst into an Irish woman's cabin
with the remark: "Tll have to tax you
for that goat, Mrs. Mulcahey."
"An' why thin, darlint?"
Because the law distinctly says I
must tax all property bounding and
abutting on this street. and that goat
has been Astounding and a-butting on
that street for the last half hour"
Either Frank Stockton or Julius
Chambers forget whieh-told this
story at literary club: During tho
Charleston earthquake an old negro
rushed out upon the public square, ex-
hibiting every sign of marked fear and
disquietude. Those who were near
enough beard this petition offered up
at the throne of grace: 'Ohl Lord,
desc am de times Oh terror. De yearth
am quakin' an de fires oh hell Is
aburnin' fo' de onrightus. Oh! Lord,
sabe us. Come right down to us. II
yo' cayn't come yo'sef, SEN down de
Lawd Jesus, but IL yo' can come yose'f,
yo'd bettah do 1t, kase dis yer's mighty
ser'us mattah, an 'taint no time fo' to
SEN chillun.'"
When Ben Butler was in college he
became tired of hash at his boarding
house and put up job" on the land
lady. Next time the dish appeared ali
the young men groaned in concert:
"Ohl hash for breakfast! Hebrews,
xiii, g."
You don't remember that verse? Here
1t is: Jesus Christ the same yesterday,
and to-day, and forever" But Bold Ben
didn't mean it TO be punctuated that
way.
And it was another Massachusetts,
man who was asked by a friend what
he was thinking of as he knelt at the
altar to be married. II was thinking
how confoundedly funny the soles Of
my feet must look from behind" was
the instant and unstudied response.