Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-05-11
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laashabla
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists III
Our Own Day.
Sprinklcs of Spice.

1HE CONSCIENTIOUS DakeT SetS up q
good many rolls of honor. Troy
Press.
"I'vE spotted you," said the sun to
the girl with freckles -Atchison
Globe.
"WE met by chants" said the or
ganist who was engaged to the So
prano. Washington Star.
IT is the reporter who allows his
| imagination to run riot who is con-
tinually getting into a row. -Lowell
| Courier.
A MAN who can carry his county
in great shape couldn't carry d baby
without becoming a picture of awk-
wardness. Cleveland Plain Dealer
"AND is the air healthy here2:o
asked visitor at a mountain resort
Excellent, sir, excellent. One can
become a centenarian here in little
while lid
| The PHILosoPHIC BEGGAR -He
displayed on his breast a label worded
as follows: do not be ashamed of
blind. lie Grelot.
IT will not count for much to re-
frain from buggy-riding on Sunday,
if we spend all the rest of the week
in throwing stones at people we don'6
like. Rams Horn.
allow DO you like your alarm
clock?" asked the jeweler. First
rate" "You didn't seem pleased with.
it at first?" mo; but it's broken
now. Boston Globe.
al HEAR that your next-door neigh
bors have new organ. Do you know
how many stops it has?" Only about
three day, and those are only for
meals. "-Des Moines Argonaut,
"I'M going to have a party on my
kind?" asked Jennie. ooh, / don't
know. Republican, ! guess. That's
what papa is. Harper's Young
People.
MAMMA (reviewing Ethel's compo~
sition)-"Why, child, this is no way
to spell 'rhinoceros,'" Ethei-"Buh
if it does not spell it, how did you
know what it was?"- Indianapolis
Journal.
|
to give little sister for a birthday
PRESENT." Oliver-"Pm going to ask
papa to get her a football, and Tll
show her how to play. Harper
Young People.
Ii window breaking is to become ID
kind of anti-glass trust, jewelers.
would do well to keep only paste dia-
monds in them. Then the burglars
would find themselves stuck -Phia-
delphia Times.
BROTHER WING-"They say you've
left Kansas for good. How's that
Brother Swing?" Brother Swing
1T never rains out there. Icouldn'ts
find water enough to baptize the soulsi,
/ saved. "-Brooklyn Life.
JoHN-"Sallie, CT / was to ask YOU.
if you'd marry me, do you think you'd:
say yes?" Sallie-"I-er-I guess 80. y"
John-"Wall, eff ever git over this
'ere darn bashfulness Ill ask YOU,
some o. these times. Judge.
PAPA" said Walter, Il wish you'd
buy me whistle like Georges. y,
What kind is that, Walter?" "Its
one with nothing TO it but whistle
He makes an 0 of his mouth and
blows the whistle through it, Har-!
per's Bazaar.
Il AM glad to see you willing and
ready to reform, said the Temperance
worker. II suppose you were led
astray?" Led? Bless your heart, no.
Everybody else had to hump to keen
up with me in the Irocession!"-Chi
cago Record.
WHERE DARWINIsM FAILS. First
Dog-My master is great scientist.
I wonder if he has found out where
we came from? Second Dog (glanc-
ing at sausage factory)-Guess not.
There's too many missing links.
New York Weekly.
A PERMANENCY. "A young coun-
trywoman in Burgundy, writing to
the parents of little girl whom she
has in charge, wound up her letter in
this affectionate strain: II remain:
with respect, monsieur and madame.
your wet-nurse for life" lie Phare
du Nord.
IN A PICTURE GALLERY. A
That's newly married couple. B.
How do you know? Ale is always
stepping on her dress B-What does
that prove? A-After he has been
married some time and found out
what a dress costs he will be more
careful. -Fliegendi Blaetter.
LITTLE BoY-Do you like to go
boating in the summer? Grandpa
(anxious to inculcate cautionl-N-o
my son, I'm afraid I'd get drowned.
Little boy-Do you like to go skating,
in the winter? Grandpa-No: I'm
afraid / might fall and hurt myself.
Little boy (after some thought)--Do
you like to turn somersaults on
feather bed?-Good News.