The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-03-01
EATING DINNER MECHANICALLY.
The Waiter Does Everything but SwaI.
low the Food and Drink.

Ou TeceHG evening dig man Win
heavy walk entered a well-known
cafe on upper Broadway and sank
wearily into chair at a table, sayt
the N. Y. San. He was about so years
old and had the appearance of high
liver. His face had the peculiar pur-
plish-red color which is sometimes
ascribed to burgundy and sometimes
to champagne, but is always due to in
dulgence of the appetite for good
things His movements indicated that
he felt sluggish, and it would have
created no surprise in the observer to
have been told that he was liable to
apoplexy. He seemed preoccupied, and
glanced listlessly about the room.
Presently a waiter came up to him.
He was about the same age as the
man at the table, but was quick and
active.
"Good morning, Mr.. Jones'" he said
briskly. "We have some nice turtle
soup and some excellent roast grouse. !"
'All right, James," said the other,
absentmindedly.
Some potatoes chateau and let
tuce saladp"
"Yes."
The waiter went away and returned
presently with some illustrated papers,
which the man took from him without
so much as looking up. The soup was
brought on and ladled out by the
waiter, who then took the napkin and
spread it carefully over the mans lap.
He brought on glass of sherry, al
though the man had said nothing
about it, and set it down beside his
plate. The man did not notice it, but
began to eat his soup greedily.
you are forgetting your sherry,
sir" said the waiter, respectfully.
Mechanically the diner reached out
and carried the glass to his lips. The
waiter watched him as carefully as
mother does her child, filled the glass
of water when it was empty, replaced
the napkin when it slipped down, and
in other ways saw to it that the diner
was comforta5 BILE. The soup was fol-
lowed by the roast, potatoes. and some
celery. The latter had not been or
dered, either. The grouse was carved
by the waiter, who also served the po-
tatoes and picked out the tender pieces
of celery.
"Do you want your champagne, sir. :"
he asked.
"What champagne?" demanded the
Qlnef. quefuIOuSlY.
you have half bottle left from last
night, sir"
Bring it on, then"
The waiter returned with a half
empty bottle A rubber cork tightly
pressed into the mouth had preserved
the sparkle. Through the remainder
of the meal the waiter never relaxed
his watchfulness, although he had to
wait on two other tables. When the
diner had finished his coffee he started
to rise. The waiter, who happened to
be at another table, rushed to his
side.
"Wait a moment, Mr.. JONES'" he
said; "vou must take your pepsin."
"Then why the devil don't you bring
itp"
"Right away, SIR"
In moment he had rushed out of
the room and returned speedily with a
bottle and a spoon. He mixed up a
dose in glass and handed it to the
man, who drank it with wry face.
Then the waiter brought finger bowl
and cigar, of which he cut off the
end. He waited until the man had
slowly put it between his lips and then
he struck match and applied the
light. The man puffed so slowly that
the match had burned down to the
walters fingers and scorched them be-
fore the cigar was thoroughly lighted.
The waiter now helped the man on
with his overcoat, and handed him his
cane.
Goodnight, Mr.. JONES'" said the
waiter, as the man toddled away. An
indistinct mum bling was the only re-
ply.
The head waiter explained. "That
man JONES'" said he, "has been COM
ing here for fifteen years and always
has the same waiter. He's grouty
man, but not bad hearted. He's a
chronic dyspeptic. but you see he
won't deny himself much. You no
ticed he didn't tip the waiterP That's
because he pays him once week and
generously. He pays his meal checks
the same way. The waiter knows his
habits absolutely, and, as you saw,
does not require any orders. He
knows that he wants certain things al
ways, and understands his tastes wei
enough to be able to suggest salts
factory menu every time. l have al
idea the old fellow will remember hi
waiter in his will. He gives him lott
of presents, as well he might, for thu
waiter does about everything excep
eat and drink for him."