The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1893-09-23
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Avoiding Ofense-what She Could Do
Ready for Business-A Difference,
Etc, Etc.
AVOIDING oFFENsE.

Jimson--Oh, nonsense. Business is
duller than country churchyard--noth-
ing going on at oil.
Billson--Yes-er-of CONSCIOUSNESS
can wait, OF course, but this is-er a do.
mestic matter, you know.
Jimson-Get out! Your folks are out
of town, and l know it.
Billson lin desperation Yes, that's
SO; but my-er-mother-in doesn't
leave until to-day, and want to go to
er--the railway station and kiss her
good-by.--INe York Weekly.
BREAKING 1T GENTLY.
1t was the first she had ever baked and
she said proudly:
Don't you think could 90 into the
bread business }"
my dear" answered her husband,
gently, "if they sold bread by weight
you'd make your fortune. Washington
Star.
READY FOR BUSINESS.
Tramp-Please, mum, if yell kindly
help me on me journey, I'll be much
obleeged.
Housekeeper-Huh! On a journey, eh2
Tramp-Yes, mum; I'm goin' West to
start bank. New York Weekly.
FAsTIDIoUs.
Haversup More-Weary Walkers too
much of q 'ristocrat fer de business.
Nancy Steppes - What's he doin'
now2
Haversup More-Got so he won't sleep
anywhere 'cept on a flower ed Puck.
BEATs TWO TAILS.
They were out looking at the comet.
One OF the guests said he thought he
could see two tails.
"That's nCthing," put in the enfant
terrible. 1--WE heard ma say that pa
often sees two moons. y Judge.
VAIN SEARCH.
Won Blumer Il hear that burglars
broke into your house last night Did
they End anything2
Witherby-No. My wife is cleaning
house Judge.
A GREAT INVENTOR.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-- husband is
great inventor.
Mrs Yeast--Indecd! What does he
invent, excuses Tonkers Statesman.
AN EMOTIONAL ROLE.
She - Why were you so awkward
and embarrassed when you proposed to
me?
He--Oh, / was trying not to look
so cock-sure of being accepted as felt.
--LAge.
HE STOPPED BOARDING.
Mrs. Snaggs Qeading)-A man in
South Duxbury, Mass, has coughed up
ten cent piece he swallowed some time
ago.
Mr.. Snaggs- Yes, I've noticed other
indications that the boarding of money, is
coming to an end. Pittsburg Chroni-
Gle.
THE BEST OF IT.
Lawyer-When | ask you your age
why do you say eight and twenty instead
of twenty -eight2
the best foot forward.
COUP D'ErAr.
Weary Walker-See here, Walter!
we're desperit, an you gotter try a new
game. Go up to dat house an ask de
lady for drink of ice-cold water, an
perhaps you'll git a pie.
Walking Walter (horriied) Yes, but
wha- wha-w whad if she offered me de wa
ter?
Weary Walker-Why, den cut an
run, an well t'ink up a new scheme. -
Judge.
REPARTEE IN THE BARNARD.
The chanticleer announced with joy:
"The day, my dear, doth dawn"
And the hen, engaged in Matching eggs,
Rejoined in brief: "Pm on"
PUCK.
MAKING PREPARATION.
"Smith is very busy getting ready to
attend the fair"
"What is he doing"
Learning to live on one meal day"
-lChicago Inter Ocean.
SHOES TO FIT.
The funny mans wife was reading an
English almanac and he was smoking
and resting his gigantic intellect on the
back of his chair.
II notice here" she said, 'that in the
matter of shoes, temperance people
should wear pumps. Now what sort of
shoes would you say drinking people
should wearl"
The gigantic intellect began to roll
over and exert itself.
"well," he said, thoughtfully. al
think they should wear tight ones."-
detroit Free Press.
DEFENDER OF PURE LANGUAGE.
"Did you enjoy seeing the foreign
tribes at the Fair?"
Nav. tried to chin wild tree or
four of dem an dey can't speak word
of decent English. h."-IChicago Record.
RELATIVE IMPORTANCE.
Mr.. SSidds-It may seem to you an
odd time TO ask the question, but before
we start to the theatre l wan: to know il
Won will marry me Della