Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1893-06-03

A CONVERSATIONAL sNAG.

CONVERSATIONAL sNAG.
The Dyspeptic. Bent on Relating His Own
| Case. Hears Of Another.
From the New York sun.
"You are SO burly and robust" said the
orgulous dyspeptic, with secret scorn, TO his
casual travelling acquaintance, "that presume
you are never troubled with dyspepsia. You
have much to be thankful for. am often in
such q state that
Was the burly acquaintance to endure the
garrulity of q chance dyspeptic? He was not
ION the contrary" be immediately renli.d
for, never having suffered a moment in his Life
/ from any physical aiment, his mind was &C.
| tive and vigilant. ION the contrary, I have
suffered untold torture from dyspepsia, and O.
| you are interested in the subject 1 will will
insly give you my experience: began with
gagged in the military service Of the country,
being ten years scouting on the frontier the
character Of the rations, together with the
quality Of the CONNECTIONS Of soldier cooks pre-
viously engaged in driving hacks and smuggling
"Oh, my trouble was not with cooks" inter-
| posed the dyspeptic loftily. but nevertheless
| much chagrined to find the burly acquaintance
| prepared to talk on the subject AS was
about to tell you, am often in such a state
that"
''And the irregularity Of the meals" hurried
on the burly acquaintance, "served, you un-
derstand, in camp, al fresco and La fourchette
sans ceremonie, threw me into such disorder
that had indigestion, then dyspepsia, then
| non-assimilation. l submitted my case to the
army surgeons, who, though Of high rank in the
service. are not always Of equal rank in their
profession, and followed their directions as to
what to eat and what to avoid. They advised
me-"
doctors are Of little use. will tell you"
ITO confne myself to the simplest and most
| digestible edibles and esculents to be found in
the military commissary. But grew worse,
| ton, where I could obtain the delicate nutri-
| ment which my disordered and seriously i'm
paired system required I went to Chicago
| and began diet of chicken broth fresh fruit,
stale bread made from newly ground graham,
| steamed oatmeal"
"Oh, I tried all those. Five years ago"
"The result was that grew worse, as be-
| fore, and the local doctors advised me to 20
to-to 20 to New Y ork. where should be able
| to find foods better suited to my pa rlous state.
Accordingly went TO New York and laid out
| q diet Of the finest and purest Of the selected
foods that that metropolis Affords"
''Plain country food taken q the system re-
quires-"
MY physicians advised exact regularity 1
had two ounces sea food, two ounces farina-
| ceous food, two ounces Of the juice OF fresh
| imported fruits, and two ounces coagulated al
buminolds every two hours. Growing steadily
worse consulted higher medical talent One
doctor kept me on clam broth. another on tan
| gernes, another on shredded broiled frogs legs
another on distilled alfalfa-"
Five years ago"
Growing steadily worse. consulted still
higher authority. WAS now told that my diet
| was at variance with nature. The doctor told
me that nature was proportion. rhythm, music;
| foods must be taken in harmonious proper
tons. He prescribed the same sea foods
cereals, meats aud fruits the others. but
in chromatic scale Of the decreasing seventh,
throwing in occasionally few vegetables by
way OF variation Of the fugue, and double ex-
tracts as overtones-
"Of course you recovered, your case being
merely temporary"
Growing steadily worse, consulted o doc
tor who had had great success among the mil
ionaires-fnancial success He was o man of
blunt speech and plain common sense. He said
had overworked my stomach and must give
it entire rest. What was to do for living in
the mean time he did not say, but he took q
large fee with great sco-n. RIGHTLY despising me
for the snai an.oI.t of mo .ey that he let
ever. 1t refused to be eajoled. and de-
spised nv offers of peace. Excuse me mo-
ment. Once / had spent over forty-eight
hours fasting then drank two drachms of
soda mint with four ounces aqua pura (every-
thing was now drachms, scruples and ounces
with me, and the zigzag symbols Of those dis
tressing quantities appeared in my nightly
nightmares like procession Of Daniel Quilps
and Humpbacks OF Notre Dance as say, "
drachms Of sterilized milk at 10 degrees Cent?
grade. with iv. wiggles Of bismuth and il jiggle-
jaggles Of sada, with a couple Of glasses of
wine and pepsin to aid in the mysterious pro-
cesses OF digestion. The large amount OF
| actual food contained in the ounce Of milk be-
gan TO distress me exceedingly, but the wine.
to which l was not accustomed, gave
me courage. took several more doses Of it i'm
mediately, increasing the doses rythmically.
had not felt SO well in months. l said Wine
is undoubtedly a mocker, but it 10 o good rubi-
facient, beside possessing valuable qualities as
| an anti-narcotic and morry-maker. Now, very
| well, Mr. Stomach said, you are uuameu-
| able to gentleness, unmoved BY Kindness
| and irresponsive to the concord Of sweet Gull
| nary symphonies. I will give you some
thing to rage about Putting on nv hat. I
walked lightly adown the street and, entering.
| not o doctors waiting room. but Q restaurant
| l instantly ordered and partook Of . repast
| consisting in part Of turtle SOUP roast old
goose, broiled fat Holsters, corned beef and
cabbage, salt pork. hot rolls, Italian cheese
tripe, mince pie, black coffee, chartreuse, aud
q black and green cigar.
"As you can imagine, when You consider the
philosophy Of it, that ended 1t NY stomach
which had been trying to pick fight with me
for years, found all the fight il wanted But let
me give you one more point. Even now gener-
ally give my stomach a Welsh rabbit every
station. hope You will never be tr Dubbed as
I've been Good-dav"