Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1893-03-24

for tobacco. "Havc good time
while you are alive" says the philoso-
pher Bill Nye, ''for you will he dead
long while:
There are several residents in
Brittany who look with contempt OH
twenty pounds of tobacco a year, and
who supplement that supply, but not
with French tobacco Some daring
souls take trips to the Island OF
Jersey, only three hours or so away,
with a splendid service of fast steam
crs from st. Malo, and they try to
smugglc in as much tobacco as they
can. This. however, is very risky
business, as the customs examination
of those who come in by the Jersey
boat is exceedingly strict. This
brings me TO Browns plan. need
! scarcely to say that Brown is not his
real name and that Smith is not the
name of the friend who was sacrificed
for him. / merely use the wierd, un-
usual name of Brown and Smith to
conceal identity, and if a real Brown
and Smith live on that coast I beg to
; say that do not refer in the least to
them.
Brown could get along on forty
pounds of tobacco, but even at that
he had to exercise some sclf-dcnial.
Smith. his friend, did not smoke at
all. lie hated tobacco, and even the
smell of good tobacco, which, to IL
smoker, is the most delightful aroma
in the world, was exceedingly distaste-
full to him. Now Brown persuaded
Smith to import twenty pounds of
prime American tobacco from the
Island of Jersey. Smith was SHY of
the perjury involved, but Brown
earnestly showed him that there was
no perjury. In fact, he doubted if
an Englishman could perjure him.
self in the French language-hc
usually spoke it so BADLY. Besides.
things sound so much mildcr in
! French than in English. Witness
the innocuous tutility of an oath in
French compared with its sturdy
/! .Anglo->;lXon equivalent. Mind, I'm
not defending Brown at all, although
am able to forgive Il great deal to II
man uniustly deprived of his pipe. /
am a tobacco smuggler myself every
time enter France. 1t is therefore
not for the pot to call the kettle
! black. fear that the smoking of
tobacco tends towards IL certain lax
ity of conscience. Have we not the
authority of that smoking Oxford
poet Calvcrley for believing that
those who indulge i'm the weed =
| Go ,nad and beat their wives:
Plunge, after horrid lives
/ eazors and cary ng knives
/ into their giz2ar s"
| Iquotc IRON memory. ana am GER
tain not to have quoted with verbal
accuracy. say this right here, not
having the poems by me, so that cor
respondents may save their postage
stamps in writing to correct me.
which they usually do when | make
a quotation.
Well. Brown, the immoral smok er.
persuaded Smith, the moral non
smoker, by the following kind of
logic: The French law was bad any
how and no Englisbman who ruled the
waves should bc bound by it. Then
Smith was entitled to twenty
pounds for his own use. There are
other uses for tolac.o than smoking
it. Smith nj ght use the gold and
crimson eolored packages for decor
ating the shelves of his bookcase.
lie did not need to give it or sell it to
Brown. oh, no. Brown asked no
such sacrifice. Brown would do the
rest. He would steal the tobacco
from the book shelves pound by pound
as he required it. Thus Smith would
not have pcrjurcd himself,-cven if
the whole transaction were done i'm
English. And so the unfortunate
Smith consented. The first twenty
pounds were got through all right.
They decorated Smiths shelves and
Brown regularly stole them and every
thing was lovely. although Smith had
always vague twinges of conscience
regarding his oath to the French Gov
crnment.
Up to this point expect the article
AM writing to be interesting chiefly
to those who smoke. Now / conti-
IDENTIFY claim the sympathy of non-
smokers for Smith in the disaster
which overlook him
There was an entertainment at the
Casino at st. Malo and Smith was
there. AS he wa ked along the cor
ridors. back and forth, during the in
termission he was pleasantly accosted
10y French gentleman whom he
dimly remembered to have met sOme-
where, but he could not place detin-
itely. He did as most of us do under
such aggravating circumstances. He
| pretended he remembered the French
man and they walked up and down
together, chatting pleasantly. The
Frenchman was smoking and Smith
was not, of course. The smoker,
after few turns, pulled out his case
and politely offered Smith cigar.
''1'hank you, no." said Smith. 81
never smoke"
The Frcnchman seemed astonished
and looked at Smith.
''This is an English cigar, SIR" he
said.
II never smoke at ALL" answered
Smith: .'English, French or American
! cigars are quite the same to me;
loathc them ALL"