The Helena independent., 1893-12-22

healthful sleep, for the heavy eyed wake
fulness that took it's place was but con-
tinual nightmare. Add to the effects Of
bad health and the torments of insomnia a
well developed case of melancholia inher-
tied from the fathers side, and which had
lain latent in me till now. Consider this
condition as lasting for years, without a
hope for change for the better, and then
tell me how many persons out of a hundred
II placed under similar conditions could
have saved themselves from becoming
either suicides, criminals or outright ma
niacse
after time 1 became like a wreck,
drifting about without will and Judgment
to check the evil but mostly foolish i'm
pulses that took possession of me, because
so perverted were the moral faculties that
acts Of folly and meanness / would have
scorned to do while in norma; condition
came to appear to me perfectly right and
natural
''At last the direct strain of the physical
disorder, combined with the effects Of long
continued brooding over my miserable and
hopeless condition, proved too much for the
weakened mind. How the impulse that
swept away the last feeble safeguards of
self restraint originated in my mind am
not able to tell, for the impressions Of this
period on my mind are SO confused that I
am unable to recall them. Only this much
remember, that where before had all my
thoughts centered on getting well, was
now entirely ruled by the impulse Of COM
mitting desperate deeds-less to injure any
body than to place myself in situations
where l had to expect to be shot down any
moment. a-s&
lam convinced now that these desperate
criminal outbreaks were instructive eff
forts of the mind to break away from mar
row. self centered thoughts. The realiza-
tion Of imminent peril would naturally
tend to force thought into new channels,
giving euse and relief under circumstances
which could hardly have been regarded as
comfortable by any sane man. I do not
think l actually desired to be killed. and
am certain had no desire to kill anybody.
The main motive was apparently keen,
irresistible desire for the sensation of dam
TALLY dispel the dark mental shadows and
tone up the shattered nervous system.
''You may also observe that all the
crimes committed by me were of a nature
tending to stir up intense excitement and
sharp universal pursuit, without in the
least Offering proportional inducement for
gain to compensate for the unreasonable
chances I took with my life had the cause
of my actions been the love of gold"
He then enters into a rambling account
of his trial and inveighs bitterly against
the men whom he believed to be persecut-
ing him. He thus portrays his agony of
spirit during imprisonment:
''The people of this enlightened and hui
name age shudder at the tortures inflicted
by the savage on his hapless prisoner, but
what are the short lived agonies of day
of physical pain compared with the exqui.
site suffering of the spirit that is strug-
Cling for months and years OH the brink of
an abyss, where not merciful oblivion, but
the dark shadows of madness are waiting
to engulf him?
'As long as was free, physical exhaus-
tion produced by hunger and exercise, to-
gether with the stimulus Of ever present
danger, had kept me from sinking to the
horrors of this last stage, when my mental
confusion was often so great that the speech
of Others seemed II confused, meaningless
noise, and the faculty of speech often en-
tirely deserted me. don't know il this is
insanity. but ms had been driven from
crime to crime by impulses of preventing
the above mentioned horrors from over
whelming me. will leave 1t to any fair
man to judge If my actions sprung from
free will or were the offspring Of causes be-
yond my control"