The Lafayette gazette. [volume] (Lafayette, La.) 1893-1921, 1893-05-13

&RA % ~Sss 'e esi',
up narrowing
thoughts of summary trials, decisive
action, terrible sentences and quick
retribution,.s intermingled with tor
menttng visions of austerc courts, de.
9ected. Offenders, and scenes verging on
the inquisitorial abuses of old. A hor-
rible panorama of an execution in some
secluded spot in the gray dawn haunts
tho dismal fancy of the rbidy sensi.
tive, and in the minds eye is depicted
the hapless and helpless victim as he
and receives the leaden messengers of
death from smoking rifles in the hands
OF an unfortunate firing detail, who
arc afterward seen to perform the sad
duties of a burial party.
No, my innocent and civil brother,
such conditions do not exist, nor have
they ever existed in this glorious coun-
try except in time of war, and even
then in fragrant and desperate cases
only. Discard your gloomy thoughts
and learn that in these piping times of
peace. when every little offense and
minor breach of discipline is invcsti-
gated by either a summary, garrison,
or general court-martial. it is not an
uncommon occurrence for the genius
OF comedy to enter the inquisitorlal
chamber
Who would think it? Comedy parad-
Private Schultz of Company B,-th
infantry, was arraigned to answer to
the awful charge of conduct to the
prejudice of good order and military
discipline" This charge is one of the
stereotyped kind which, like charity.
serves to cover a multitude of sins. 1t
is always on tap, is used extensively,
and will be found covering n large per-
centage of accusations against military
Offenders. When all other specific
charges covered by the articles Of war
fail to meet the require nents of a case
the somber and well-vorn blanket of
conduct to the prejudice. etc. is
spread over a sheet of legal cap and
the entire omnibus hurled at the un-
fortunate offenders head
On behalf of the prosecution three
witnesses were introduced who tcsti- |
ned in support of the hcinous offenses
alleged to have been committed b7 the
prisoner at the bar. So positive and
conclusive was the testimony of these
witnesses that the Judge advocate of |
the court deemed it unnecessary to call |
upon others who had been cited TO an
pear. lie rested the prosecution on
the overwhelming evidence adduced,
but to give the trial the proper legal
flavor he asked:
Private Schultz, what have you to
offer in defensc?'' -
Rising slowly from his chair Private
= q
which had gathered in his
throat-he was an old hand at the BUSH
ness, having earned the sobriquet of !
the guard-house lawyer-and, raising
= pair of pleading eyes. the warrior
spoke in tremulcus tones:
May it please the court, Private
Quinn, my 'ounl<y' la soldier bcdfel]ow1.
was with me on the day in question,
and l wish to introduce his testimony
as to my sobriety at that time. 1 also
iesire to testify in my own behalf !
That is all 1 have to offer and l con
fdently rely on the justice of the
court"
Private Gum, who was in convenient
was called After being duly
sworn, according to law, he testified to
he identity of the accused and stated
hat on the day in question he was in
he company of the prisoner, who, he
llleged, was not intoxicated at anv II
inc.
Considerably startled by such con-
letting testimony, old Maj. Ball. the
PRESIDENT of the court, dropped the 8
lewspape which he was reading.
ther members of the court awoke
rom a lethargy into which they had
fallen, the judge advocate :,
pc ned his eyes in mild ssstonishment. -
he prisoner. smiled complacently, and, -
ooking straight at Private Gum, who :,
vas now the cynosure of all ewes. he :.
emarked: That's ALL
Glad enough to escape, Private Gum t,
urned to leave the room but before k
e could make his exit he was called
ack by the president of the court t;
do you mean to positively assert" c,
sked that officer, that Private Schultz IL
'as not intoxicated on the day in ques- L
on?" :.
''Yis, sorr, that's what OF do" an m
'vered the witness, as he cast an af- | g.
.ctlonate glance at his ''bunky.'' ''Oi Fl
'uz wld him nearly all tn day an he tt
iver got FULL I'll
did you see him drink any liqu or at IL
l?' ~.
"W-e-l-l. SOME" responded the hes sa
ating Gum, 'but he wuz niver lv
Junk" ~
How many times did you see him DIR
'ink?' interposed natty second lieu. ar
nant, whose curiosity was now ex- hs
ted.
~Oh, jist a few tonnes, sorr." tn
"How many times do you conside a la
w?'' asked the officer. nc
mot many, sorr.' w;
That's equivocation!" cried the Heu I te
nant "a,
''Oi dunno, sorr,'' responded Gum. SD
out he wuzzcnt FULL" so
Answer the gentle mans question. wi
i'd the judge advocate, who came to ".
e relief of the puzzled witness. ,"Did Sc,
u SEQ the prisoner drink, say, five tn
nes?" D..
"Yis sorr." IA,
-