The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1893-09-21

victuals they ever ct, ana they set me free
and made me royal cook, and the chief
kinder smiled indulgently at the way
Ugogina was maxim up to me. So you
see the small-sized cooker saved my
life"
"rll buy the small size" said the
rector, hastily. ~ have sermon to
write"
Now you just take my advice and
git a mejum size. You can afford it.
When you take that small-sized cooker
round to that young lady you're after,
when you ask her to marry you whatll
she think? Why, she'll say to herself
that in bpyin' this small cooker you are
layin' out not to ever have any COM
pany to meals, and if she is girl that
is fond of company, you're runnin' a
risk. Wait till l tell you how the me jum-
sized cooker saved my life. Well, the
old witch doctor took big dislike to
me, and kept tellin' the folks that l
would make a better meal cooked than
would eoekin', Ugogina wanted to
marry me, and the chief was willin',
but the witch doctor prophesied lot of
and scared the chief. Now | didn't
want to marry Ugogina, but could see
that if | did l would be saved from
bein' ct; but 1 thought l would try to
save myself and ges out of the marriage
also. l could have run off to sea
any day, but there warn't no
boats. | could see ships sailin' by quite
often, but there warn't no way to git
off to 'em. l decided to fix the witch
doctor first. got Ugogina to wheedle
the old feller- to give me my mejum-
sized cooker, the small-sized not bein'
large enough for my purposes. Then
got lot of African beans and some
hollow reeds and some sticky clay.
set the beans cookin' and put the
reeds into little hole made in top of
the cooker. l invited the witch doctor
in, and told him this was, some of my
new vaporized atmospheric air, and
told him to put his mouth to the reeds
and suck some in. You. know, if you
have studied chemistry, that beans are
highly charged with gas. Especially is
this true of the genuine African bean.
Well, sir, that old chap swallered a lot
of that gas, and quicker than wink
Ugogina and | knocked him over and
plastered his nose and mouth up with
clay, and I'm dummed liar if that gas
didn't float that old feller right up in
the air, clear out of sight. You see, he
was remarkably capacious; and the gas
| was remarkably strong Remarkably
strong. stood there in front of the
| people when he was floatin' in the air,
and told 'em | was a magician, and
| could set 'em all floatin'. They was
| scared; wanted to elect me chief; but 1
wasn't used to high political honors,
and compromised with alderman and
| president of the school board. Well,
sir, Ugogina was dyin' to marry me at
once; but STAYED her off for a time by
sayin' l wanted to git my trousseau
ready. That's how the mejum-sized
cooker saved my life"
II will buy medlum-sizedo one" said
| the rector, family. 1T can be used by
St Margaret's ward of the guild church
fairs"
''Or country fairs, either. However,
1 think you would like the large-sized
cooker for the church fairs. But you
wait till finish my story. Now, l was
engaged to girl in the United States.
If married Ugogina what would be
the consequences? Breach of promise
suit for ten thousand dollars, and me
with no assets but three sample cookers
of block tin. What then? Default of
payment, states prison for life. Sides,
/ didn't want to marry Ugogina. What
did do? Well, sir, one day I see a
ship goin by, and, stretchin' out the
large-sized cooker-they are all air.
tight jumped on it and padded off
to the ship, poundin' on the small and
mejum-sized all the way to scare sharks.
That's how the large-sized cooker saved
my life"
'Put me down for the large size, "
said the rector of st. Bartholomew
wearily.
81 knowed you would" said the mild
hammered man with the soft, low voice.
"There's something affectin in the
story of how them cookers saved my
life. ."-Wardon Allan Curtis, in Har
pers Weekly.