The Van Buren press., 1893-10-21
UNCLE SETH AS A CONSOLER.
A Cutting Reminlscence from the snw

A Cutting "Reminiscences from the Saw
Mills.
Wal, SO ye he'd yer laig sawed off in
sawmill, did yer? Sawed right off two
inches above the kneep Wal, it's the
best thing yer could do. Hold yer
horses! Hold up! Don't say word!
Icame down here purpose to console
ye an now don't go to gittia' riled.
tell we man ought to be happy who is
lucky enough to get his laig sawed off.
Hold on, now, don't yer see I'm con-
solin' ye! Wen fellers trying to
say sweet words of comfort an peace
to ye it's plague-on provokin' to hev
ye go an r'ar up about it. ! tell ye,
Ab'rum, it's the biggest thing We ever
did wen yer went an he'd that ar laig
off. It's money in yer pocket, an it
would ha' been more money in yer
pocket to he'd yer other laig sawed Off
too-on'y in that case yer wouldn' had
pocket to put yer money into. lie! he!
o, SO you can't see any use in any
sich tomfool, fol-de-rol nonsense! tell
ye it's jest as true as scripter mixed
with the census report that every ex-
periuncc a man has is worth dollar
to him. Any miser'ble everyday ex-
periunce is worth Il dollar to him if he
is the right kin er man. Ye know
young Bob Perkins, who couldn't earn
his salt fore he lost his right laig.
Then he went circussing roun' to all
the shows in the country as the ono
laig-ed bicycler an made seventeen
hundred dollars in one summer. Wen
he fell offn his bicycle an lost his
other laig he went roun' with me-
nagerie an circus walkin' on his
hands, an he made ten thousand dof-
lars in one trip. If you want to ketch
fortune you can ketch it quicker on
one laig than yer can on two, an ye
can ketch it walkin' on yer hands in
no time. You know OF Cy Perkins,
who wuz born up here at the
Bean place? A reg lar lummix! Wal.
he went to the war an lost his
laig Guess he lost it runnin' away,
coz he wuz so sea- he allus run away
from an angleworm coz he wuz feered
1t wuz snail. Wal, he wuz SO scat
that wen some of the Union boys shot
tome tame turkeys he heerd the firm
nm thought the rebs were comm an
started to run SO fast that one laig
tumbled over the other, an he got all
mixed up with hisself an broke it.
Wal, sir, he came home an we all
kinder pitied him--he was such gawk
an we made him sillic!sman, an mex
year we pitied him some more, coz he
wuz gawkier than ever, an sent him to
the legislator, an I'll be dinged If tho
deestrict didn't take him up an run
him for congress on his soldier record.
Wal, sir, he run good deal better
than the other man, coz the other man
didn't hev either a wooden laig or
wooden head, an Cy was we'll supplied
with both. If the other feller he'd he'd
five laigs an bicycle, he couldn' ha'
run for congress az quick as Oh Cy with
his wooden laig, an his head Of tho
same material.
tellye, Abrum, rs said afore, eve
ry experiunce is wuth dollar to a
man, if he knows how to use it. OF
course losin' yer laig is wuth thousan's.
But every little miser'b BILE experiunce Is
wuth dollar. If you We only got gump-
ition enough to carry it to the right
market an sell it. Ye might give
hungry man a bushel Of taters an he
would starve to death, II he didn't
know nough to cook 'em. An expert
unce amt wuth nothin' II We don't
know how to use it. Neither Is ten
dollar bill.
tell ye every experiunce is wuth n
dollar to ye an every man ought to
have three experiences day--lilse
gettin' cinder in his eye, losin' his
pocketbook, or fallin' off haymow-
he oughter git three day, an that's
three dollars, an that's thousan' dol
lars year; an SO every mar who's
sixty years OIL ought to be wuth sixty
thousan' dollars.
How oil am 1? Wal, I'm sixty my
self. How much am | worth? Oh-er-er
mighty pleasant weather we're hav-
in now, amt it? Good grass weather,
good weather for garding Sass, good
weather for critters, good CROWN
weather, good wealth How much am
Iwuth? Wal, I've got thirteen dollars
an some odd cents in the bank, but
then hain't never had no time to go
foolin' round to find market for my
experiences. But can't hang roun'
here no longer. Bill Smith is givin'
me sixty cents a day to take care of
his stock, an must hurry home to
water the cows.-Chicago Inter Ocean.