Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-10-04
Tortuted by a Button.


The commercial traveller sat en- des-
habille Oh the edge of chair in his room
the other morning. He was hot and ner-
vous and irritable. Great beads of per-
spiration stood on his forehead aud he
swcre strange oaths.
He was sewing buttons on pair of
trousers.
Il have put off this internal job from
day to day for two months" he explain
ed. "The first button came off down In
Louisville, and doubled the suspender
straps ON one button. A week later the
other side was served in the same way,
and again doubled up.
al didn't wear the darned things again
until in Cincinnati week ago, when
took girl to the theater. | was fixed
up to kill that night and thought | was
going to have huge time. We arrived
late and the house was filled with fash
ionably dressed people. | had just hand
ed our seat coupons to an usher and start
ed loftiIy down the aisle, knowing that
several scores of eyes were sizing upon
nv shape, when with q rip and snort
one of the doubled up buttons tore from
its fastenings and fell on the arm of a
chair in which sat young lady of my
acquaintance. | blushed deep maroon,
murmured an apology and kept on my
way. | tried my best to keep cool and
look unconcerned, but when the devillsh
heliotrope things, no longer kept in sus'
pense, so to speak, began to slouch down
ward and to drag upon the floor, par
tally broke down and nearly fell over
myself in my effort 10 get into the seat.
"Did / enjoy the play? Does HIM
doc enjoy himself when he commits ha-
ri kari' Does baby enjoy itself cutting
teeth Does man enjoy wrestle with
a buzz saw a.? | did the deadeye act TO
nv waistband half dozen times, but 1T
seemed only to aggravate the trouble
was hot, tidgety and ugly, and several
questions put by my side partner were,
| fear, treated with uncommon incivility.
| know this, that she relapsed into COM
plete silence and hasn't relapsed out OF
it since.
"No, can't say that l enjoyed that
play. 1t was two hours and half OF
torture, and when it was over / said a
little prayer of thanksgiving all to my
SELF"
He crouched down, his back in half
circle, ON the chair, and in the uncertain
light he fingered the end of the thread and
attempted to string it through the eye OF
the needle. Several attempts were made,
but unsuccessfully.
"Here," he entreated his visitor, "see
what you can do with this"
So saying he threw himself upon the
bed, and flat on his back, with arms
stretched, he made havoc of the English
language for several minutes.
"What it is to have friend" he rumi,
mated. "You have come here in the nick
of time. You are going to sew on that
button and save an hour of hard work
and worry You are one of the best fell
lows l."
But his friend, man who could see the
humor of the situation without the aid Of
microscope, had slipped from the room
without even threading the needle and
had gone below to invite up few brave
companions to view through the crack of
the door the comical scene within.
They came-fve of 'em-and crouch
ing low, saw their unfortunate friend
spend Is solid minutes in the effort to
equip the needle, then run it up halt an
inch into his thumb, then throw trousers,
buttons, thread and needle out Of the
window and search for new pair
"Ha, ha Tally one on Sam !"
And Sam, who heard a scurrying of feet
down the hall, slammed the door and
Il
locked it.-Detroh Free Press.