The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1893-10-19
READY FOR THE BORE
CONVERSATION or A MAN WHO WAS
pRiMEp FOR A pYsPEPTic.

One aad 70 Able Co Get In but Few
words In the ceurss Of Long Talk.
You are 20 burly and robust" said
ehe orgulous dyspeptic. with secret
scorn, to his casual travelling acquaint-
snce. ''that ] presume you are never
troubled with dyspepsia You have
much to Be thankful for. ! am often In
such . state that
Was the burly acquaintance to endure
tho garrulity of q chance dyspeptic' He
was not
''On the contrary" he Immediately re-
piled. for. never having suffered o mo-
msnt In his life from any physical all
msut, his mind was active and vigilant.
ION the contrary. have suffered I'M
told torture from dyspepsia, and as you
arc interested in the subject will will
ingly give you my experience. began
with the finest digestion in the world,
but while engaged in the military service
Of the country. being 10 years scouting
on the frontier. the character Of the ra-
tions. together with tho quality Of the
corrections Of soldier cooks previously
engaged In driving hacks and smuggling
castings"--
"Oh. my trouble was not with cooks"
interposed the dyspeptic loftily, but
nevertheless much chagrined to find the
burly acquaintance prepared to talk on
on the subject. "As was about to tell
you. am often in such state that
"And the irregularity Of the meals"
hurried on the burly acquaintance,
served. you understand. in camp. al
fresco and Q Ia fourchette sans ceremonie,
threw me into such disorder that had
indigestion. then dyspepsia, then nom
assimilation. submitted my case to the
army surgeons They advised me-
Doctors are Of little use. will tell
you
ITO confine myself to the simplest and
most digestible edibles and esculents to
b found In the military commissary.
But grew worse, and the surgeons or
dered mo back TO civilization, where l
could obtain the delicate nutriment
which my disordered and seriously i'm
paired system required. went to Chi
cago and began diet Of chicken broth,
fresh fruit. stale bread made from newly
ground graham, steamed oatmeal"---
''Oh. l tried ell those. Five years
ago.
'"The result was that grew worse, az
before. and the local doctors advised me
to 60 toto 60 to New York, where
should be able to find foods better suited
to my rarlous state. Accordingly went
TO New York and laid out diet Of the
finest and purest Of the selected foods
that that metropolis affords"-
"Plain country food taken as the sys-
tenn requires"--
my physician advised exact regular
ity. ! had two ounces sea food, two
ounces farinaceous food. two ounces of
the juice Of fresh imported fruits and
two ounces coagulated albuminoids ev-
cry two hours. Growing steadily worse,
consulted higher medical talent. One
doctor kept me on clam broth, another
on tangerines, another on shredded
broiled frogs legs. another on distilled
Alfalfa
Five years ago.
'Growing steadily worse, / consulted
still higher authority. was now told
that my diet was at variance with ma
ture. The doctor told me that nature
was proportica. rhythm. music-foods
must be taken in harmonious proper
tons He prescribed the same sea foods,
cereals. meats and fruits as the others,
but In o chromatic scale of the decrease
ing seventh, throwing in occasionally .
few vegetables by way Of variation Of
the fugue and double extracts as over.
tones"--
"Of course you recovered, your case
being merely temporary
.Growing steadily worse. consulted
doctor who had had great success
among the illionaires-inancial sue
cess. He was man Of blunt speech
and plain common sense. He said had
overworked my stomach and must give
1t entire rest. What was to do for q
living in the meantime he did not say.
but he took large fee with great scorn.
rightly despising me for the small
amount Of money that he left me. My
stomach was now worse than ever. II
refused to be cajoled and despised my
offers of peace. Excuse me q moment.
Once ! had spent over 48 hours fasting.
| then drank two drains Of soda mint
with four ounces Of aqua pura--every-
thing was now drains, scruples and
ounces with me. and the zigzag symbolsof
those distressing quantities appeared in
my nightly nightmares like procession
Of Daniel Quilps and Humpbacks of No
tire Dame-as ! say drains of sterilized
milk at 10 degrees centigrade. with iv
wiggles Of bismuth and ii jiggle jaggles
Of soda. with couple OF glasses of wine
and pepsin to aid in the mysterious proc
esses OF digestion.
THE large amount OF actual food con-
tanned in the ounce Of milk began to dis
tress me exceedingly. but the wine. to
which ] was not accustomed. gave me
courage. | took several more doses of it
Immediately. increasing the doses rhyth-
mically. had not felt so well in months,
said. Wine is undoubtedly mocker,
but it Is good rubifacient. besides pos
sessing valuable qualities as an antinar-
cotic and merrymaker. Now. very well,
MIR. Stomach said. you are unamena-
BILE to gentleness, unmoved by kindness
and irresponsible torhe concord of sweet
culinary symphonies. will give you
something to rage about.' Putting on
my hat. ] walked lightly adown the
street. and entering. not doctors wait
ing room. but a restaurant. instantly
ordered and partook of a repast consist
ing In part Of turtle soup. roast old goose,
al nf AkafA IL