Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-01-26
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEM
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious. and Langhabse
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists ot
Our Own Day.
Tea-Table Talk.

Tea-Table Talk.
THE matchmaker never goes on IA
strike. Galveston News.
IT does not follow that the ocean
swell is a high roller.-Picayune-
LANDLORDS contribute to make up
the world of letters" Boston
Courier.
A DOGS bark does not always in
dictate that he is upon the seize
Boston Courier.
The worst sinner as well as the
best saint can wear the Shiniest hat,
Texas Siftings.
A FANCY drink has no necessary
relation to feast Of the imagina-
tion. -Philadelphia Times.
WHEN a boy has boil ne is in "A
position to keep his family ia hot
water Binghamto Leader
SOMEBODY says that a man can get
roaring drunk on water. Well, SO he
can on land.-TeXas Siftings-
IT is quite possible for folks To
shine intellectually without being
light-headed. -Philadelphia Times
ILLINOIS farmers have decided 10
organize to fight the Irvine trust, with
which they are not in 4 cord. --Sift
ings.
WHAT the solar system needs now
is good stringent law for the pun
ishment of vagrancy.- City
Star.
JAGsoN says he doesn't see how a
man can expect to make much prog
ress in stationery iness.-E lmira
Gazette.
THE shooting stars appear to have
no aim. and no one under heaTen
knows what they are shooting for.-
Picayune.
In Missouri they sell Shetland
ponies by the perpendicular foot, ana
the purchaser has TO. pony up.-Chi-
cago Tribune. -
IT is not at all strange that most.
of the prize-fghts which have a great
number of rounds are not square.
Buffalo Express.
A CAREFUL West Philadelphia man
will not shake hands with a Mason
for fear he will take the grip. Phil
adelphia Record.
SHE-Did your grandfather live TO
green old age? He-Well, I should
say so. He was buncoed three times
after he was 70.-Life.
A LITTLE leaven leayeneth the
whole lump, but great big 'leyen
maketh the other fellows cake all
dough. Chicago Tribune.
MRS. SINGEI:-"Patti has q dia-
mond ring worth So, O00." Mr. Singer
ooh, we'll, I'll wager she got it for
mere song. "-Jewelers' Weekly
A SAN FRANCISCO house is trying
to restore whaling in the Southern
seas. but it cannot be revived ia
the public schools. -Pittsburg Chroni-
Gle.
IT is hard for philosopher 10 un-
derstand why foot bail should be
| called play, as long as shoveling coai
| is considered hard work.-Ram's
Horn.
'N1NETY-FIvE-"S ay, Blanks, have
you read Romeo and Juliet?'" Nine
| ty-six-"I've read Romeo and [ intend
! taking up Juliet soon. "-Princeton
Tiger
THAT Wyoming woman who has,
been made justice of the peace ought
| to be happy. She can have the last
word every time. Chicago News
| Record.
MOTHER Cooking over her boys
shoulder Your spelling is perfectly
| terrible Little Son-This isn't "a
| spelling lesson. It's a composition.
| Good News Z
PEOPLE are so inconsistent They
will speak in complimentary terms Of
| the minister's slow delivery, while
they swear at the messenger boys
| Yonkers Statesman.
MADGE-" How did you discover
| that he was a boarder?" Helen
| why, when [ passed him the prunes
| he shuddered as though he had seen
| a ghost. Ocean.
FRIEND-It seems to me that I
| have. seen something like that be-
fore. What is that painting after2
Impecunious Artist-At present it is
after a purchaser.-Lampoo
NJ. lola insists that he is not revo-
lutionary. What he wants is @re-
| forms without violence" That is
about the boys idea of parental gov
eminent Binghamton Republican.
IT has never yet been decided by
competent authorities whether snor-
| ing is vocal or instrumental music.
Calling it sheet music" doesn't set
tie the matter at all.--Concord Mon
itor.
LET US take cotton as an exam
ple," exclaimed tariff debater. Or,
for that matter, let us take tobacco.
Or. better still. let Us take WhislzY."'