Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1893-10-28
scanned His Eddie BnNy.

il, as second-claSs matter
Soapcd His Fiddle Bow.
The Wandering Five Social Club of
Bayonne gave ball at Brady's Hall in
that town last Friday evening. 1t was
very swell affair. Fully half of the
gentlemen present wore tall coats of
one kind or another, many of the la
dies had on gloves, and there wasn't
flannel shirt TO be seen anywhere on
the dancing floor There was no extra
charge for hat checks, refreshments
were served literally, and the music
was by Prof Edward G. Brown, of Bay
onne, aud his orchestra Of six pieces.
There was but one occurrence to
mar the eclat of the occasion, and that
arose from drink. 1t was a very in
nocent drink in itself, and it was sug-
gcsted by Mr.. Jim O'Brien, president of
the Wandering Elves, in an invitation
10 the orchestra at about midnight.
Furnishing music for other people to
dance to is dry work, and the orchestra
which had not previously been invited
TO imbibe, arose as one man. and led by
Prof. Brown, descended to The bar
Now, there was among the people in
the ballroom fend in human shape,
who, having no music in his soul and
being therefore fit for treason. strate-
gem, and spoils, had come there with
dark designs in his soul and a cake Of
soap in his pocket. While the
Wandering Elves were engaged i'll
conversation pending the return
of the orchestra this incarnation
of malice unostentatiously wendcd his
way to the orchestra seats, and rubbed
Professor Browns bow with the cake o!
soap. Then he departed, which was
on the whole, prudent move on his
part.
Presently up came the orchestra,
having been summoned by impatient
footing on the cornet performed by Mr.
Buck MacGrane, who wanted the
dance to proceed.
"Take yer pardners fer the lancers !"
shouted the floor manager.
"All up Ready Letter go, Perfes-
ser -
Prof. Brown, who is a mild-looking
vocng man with brown eyes, having
lightly picked at the strings of his violin
to assure himself that it was in tune,
raised his bow, and the orchestra burst
into tune, all except the professor. 1t
wasn't his f.ult that he didn't burst into
tune, too, for he went through all the
motions, but the spirit of music had
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The rest of the orchestra were sur
prised then they got ratified. The
cello gave plaintive squawk and stop
ped the fiutist uutwisted his mouth
and stared the bass viol grumbled it.
self into silence, and the cornet with
toot of dismay, blew itself out, until
presently the amazed Wandering
Elves, who had stopped wandering to
find out what was the matter, were
treated 10 the spectacle of Prof. Brown
performing silent solo fantasia like one
who saws wood on wager. The Pro-
fessor was black in the face. His eyes
bulged out and his cheeks sagged in.
Curry" Clark and Jim O'Brien rush
ed 10 the stage.
whats the matter, Perfessor ?"
thev cried. Fiddle busted? ?"
Prof Brown rose to his feet, and set
his silent violin down upon chair, at
ter which he burst into language which
proved that his mild looks belied him.
The Wandering Fives know something
about strong language themselves, but
they were moved to admiring astonish-
ment by the verbal fireworks which
rolled from the speakers lips, while
the lady friends of the Wandering
Elves turned their backs, put their fin
gers in their ears, aid said
Just listen to him Amt it awful ?''
When at last the Professor got down
to coherent speech he made an an
nouncement which, reduced to its low
est terms, was that some imp from
Hades, with the soul of a razor-back
hog, had soaped his violin bow. By
this time the Wandering Fives and
their lady friends had gathered about
The platform where the orchestra sat,
and they all took hand in the con-
erSation.
cit another fiddle bow" they sug-
gested. We'll pay for it," G'wan
with the music anyway" where's
the mug that soaped the bow -
Lynch him. Give him soapin'
with tar an feathers" "Never mind
lin. Well git him later. G'wan with
tie chune, Perfessor.h
There won't be any more music by
this orch' stra," announced Professor
Brown. "You can't soap my bow and
then have music"
This raised storm of protests, par
ticularly from the ladies. "Oh, amt
he mean " "And the dance amt half
over" 1--WE didn't soap your old
bow" MAKE him 90 on" What's
he paid for, any way ?"
Say" shouted big Buck MacGrane,
forcing his way to the platform, "these
ladies wants t'dance, and they wants a
chune t'dasnt to, see? So yer better
git new bown charge it t. tn gang.
On with tn danst."
Pack up, boys" said the Professor,
stonily disregarding Mr.. MacGrane and
the others.
s'Donche do it," yelled the crowd.
"Give us chune."
II WON'T" shouted the Professor.
''You gotto," howled the crowd.
"Who says 2" demanded Professor
Brown.
"We say so,n replied the crowd in
chorus. "Chune up, f y don't we'll
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