The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-07-27
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-Mag;strate-"You are accused If
not supporting your wife" Prisoner
But, your honor, you don't know my
wife. She is unsupportable.' Mercury.
-"Jane, did you invite the gentle
man to come and take chair?" Yes,
but it was the table he wanted because
you'd not paid for it. Inter Ocean.
-She-''Am / the first girl you ever
proposed to, darling?'' He sincerely
mo; but you are the only girl who
ever accepted me. Brooklyn Life.
Willie Witt cawn't say that /
aw-like brilliant women" Miss Pert
81 should think you would for the
sake of contrast. IN. Y. Times.
miss Budd's heart is like volume
in circulating library" How is
thats" Not to be kept longer than
two weeks. Washington News.
Funny that Longwed always re-
fers to his wife as that old hem -
you wouldn't think so if you could
see the way she rules the roost. y
Buffalo Courier.
-Clara-''Why are you so bitter
against him just because he proposed
and you refused him. Maud-"The
wretch! He said he would never ask
me again. Vogue.
-Mamma-"Robbie, didn't tell YOU
that you must not go swimming?"
Robbie-''I didn't swim. The other
fellows had just all they could do to
keep me from drowning"
Charlie Sappy-"No, don't go in
for yachting much since the time was
knocked overheard and lost my senses. :"
Miss Spright-"How sad, and you never
recovered them, did you?'--Philadel-
phia Record.
-Gableigh-"Do you believe in the
power of the human eye with a wild
beast?' Professor-"Yes, the power
of the eye is very useful-to see the
wild beast coming. IN. Y. Herald.
Room at the .-Wife-"Dear
aren't you drinking little too much
wine?" Husband-"No; 1 can hold
more liquor than most men," Wife
Il dare say. 1t always goes to your
head. "-Scranton Republican.
-Boggs-'You might talk until
doomsday and you couldn't convince
me that dueling isn't murder" Biggs
-"All right. I'll take you over to
France with me and let you see some
Of it. Troy Press.
me?" inquired the college graduate.
"Ain't the regular bars wide enough?"
rejoined his father, gesturing eloquent
ly in the direction of the corn-6eld.-
Detroit Tribune.
-McFingle-"I thought you believed
in letting the Office seek the man?"
McFangle-'I do; but I'm going down
to Washington just to save the Office a
few steps when it seeks me. boston
News
THE short story seems to be quite
the fad nowadays" said one club man
to another. 81 should say so. 1t seems
to me that nearly every man 1 meet
stops to tell me how short he isl
Washington Star.
-Rollo-''Tell me, pa, is there any
difference between common salt and
chloride of sodium?'' Mr.. Holiday
"Yes, Rollo, great difference. Salt is
two cents a pound at the grocer's,
while chloride of sodium is fifty cents
a teaspoonful at the druggists
when marry shall try to be
sure of one thing, and that is have a
woman of sense "You mean a wo-
man of prudence and forethought,
with fine perceptions and knowledge
of human nature" Eyes, that's it ex-
actly.'' But they are just the ones
that never marry. Funny Folks.
Talking Chickens. A learned
French scientist, catching the cue
from Prof. Gamers investigation of
the monkey language, has turned his
attention to the vernacular of chickens.
If he can only induce the spring pull
lets to tell their age he will not have
lived in vain.-Augusta Chronicle.
The Man for the Place Editor of
Organise you came in to apply for
the position of political editor?" APP
plicant-"Yes, sir, and You will find
me trustworthy man. ] always state
things just as they are Editor
HIM. Any fool can do that. What
we want is man that can state things
just as they are not. boston Tran
script.