Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1893-03-24
LITTLE LORD TOOTLE.

- Il u AOASD - " ~ - 1000
Lord Fanfare was the fourteenth
peer who had borne that noble title.
The Fanfares was not a rich family.
Old Fanfare himself, when he held
only the complimentary title Of Lord
Tootle, had been a royal page, and
had commenced life as courier;
then he went into the guards, and
then he did the wisest thing he ever
did in his life: he bolted with the
daughter of the late proprietor of the
Methuselah pill, and he came into
hundred thousand pounds and the
business. Then young Lord Tootle
sold out of the guards, and settled
down at the age Of five-and-thirty to
getting as much fun as possible out
of his wife's fortune and the Methuse-
lah pill. At the end OF ten years,
little Lord Tootle was born. and at
his birth his mother died. Many
were the traps set for that willy old
bird, Lord Fanfare mothers cringed
to him, daughters smiled at him,
/ widows ogled him, musical girls
/ played at him. vocal girls squalled
at him; but all in vain; Lord Fanfare
was not a marrying man, and the
ladies had their labor for their pains.
They resented that, the dear crea-
tures-of course they did, and they
had their revenge.
"Why does he dress as if he were
tailor's advertisement" said Lady
Drumthwacllit. whose penniless
daughter, Hilda, had tried very hard
indeed for the old gentleman, and
had miscrably failed.
"And he paints, ma, l know he
dpesw cried the artless Hilda, "or
how could he have the complexion oil
youth of Up"
HE has wonderful complexion,
replied her mother, "but he needn't
have Dragged OF it to the whole
world"
Now the fact was that Lord Fanfare
kept his connection with the Me
thuselah pill very dark indeed; bu
he had wonderful complexion, and
being fond of a joke and liking to d.
a stroke of business at the same time
he had allowed the omnibuses liter
ally to bristle with his portrait, be
meath which was the following ride
ulous adver tisement:
81 am s. to-day and yet, thanks to the Me
thuselah pill my complexion Is that Of DO
You cannot doubt the word of
peer OF the realm, you know, and tn
sale of the Methusclah pill was great
ly increased.
Now, Lord Fanfare was director c
: a music-hall company because he wa
a shareholder and because he like
the little directorial suppers, and bt
cause in music-hall matters he wa
very knowing old boy indeed. Lor
Fanfare and his friend and co-directol
Mr. David Parliamentary, were sittin
in the directors box at the Intern;
tional Palace of Varieties, each wit
Brobdingnagian opera-glass in h
hand, and they were staring intentl
at the stage, upon which the thr'
talented sisters-Laura, Cora, al
Dora Flarer-were going throue
their well-known entertainment.
They're dirt cheap at hundred
week." remarked Mr.. David Psalr
anezar; ''why, half the chappies
, town are over head and ears in lo'
with them, and there amt doubt
Sdlu l. WIZ was a uiS
!. man, with a chuckle, "that they
l. summers, and that Laura's the stu
q ningest of the three; but don't thin
! should care for her as a daughte
in-law," continued Mr.. Psalmaneza
mo, ] think ! should draw the Ii
there" remarked his lordship.
Then why on earth don't you st
it?" replied Mr.. Psalmanezar.
"Stop it," cried his lordshi
stop whatP"
you've always been good pal
} me, Fanfare" remarked Psalmanez;
Its no business of mine, but they
say. Fanfare, my boy, that Tootle
going to marry her."
Don't chaff," said his lordsh
,, angrily.
I'm not chafling," replied
friend and co-director; that's the t;
!. here, and l believe it's straight t
: old man."
"Im immensely obleeged to "
I'm sure" said his lordship. He v
an old-fashioned nobleman, and
always said "obleeged,n for the sa
reason that he wore chin-tuft-
cause it was the fashion in his you
days.
And then Lord Fanfare boun,
out of the International Palace
Varieties as though he had bee
frog jumping ont of a hot frying-p
Next morning. he sent for his s.
George" he said, addressing Ut
Tootle, .'when die, you'll be +
man. You know what the post
is, George. Fanfare castle is
tailed-it costs thousand yeai
keep up; you might, perhaps. lie
for three hundred, and you can't
it; to poor man, George, the cas-
= is just a white elephant. II you
er fend me, Tootle,n said his lordsl
" severely you'll be paupcr. N
SIR" cried Lord Fanfare. in a trem