Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1893-08-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Even g0G worm VIII tuIn. Ii SIftn
time, into butterfly.
Little dogs bark the most because
that is all they can do.-Texas Sift-
ings.
We don't envy the alligator, al
though he has a great zap. p.-Elmira
| Gazette.
The perpetually irascible man is
known by his standing choler. Boston
| Courier.
| How we all admire the wisdom OF
those who come to us for advice
Rams Horn.
| Luck may be defined as that which
enables our neighbors to surpass our
selves. Puck.
He-'Do you know, darling, / have
never kissed any one before? She
"Well, this is no kindergarten. -
Life.
Herdso-"Do you believe in the
faith cure?" Saidso-" Eyes; one treat
ment cured all the faith had. -
Vogue.
There are more than thousand diff
ferent things made from petroleum,
including angels. Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
with all her money there is one
thing Mrs. Oldgirl doesn't own"
"what's that?" ''Her age. Chicago
Inter-Ocean.
"How about this new neighbor-is
she agreeable?" ''No; she had three
/ 10 nv,%b VI,
cago Inter Ocean.
He-''Now, darling, what kind Of
an engagement ring shall give you?"
She-"One that won't fit any other
girls finger. Detroit Free Press.
"Poor fellow. Did he lose his eyes
in the warp" "Oh, no. He tried to
pass a woman on the street when she
had her umbrella Detroit Tri-
bune.
''Does you teacher get out of temper
easily?" Goodness gracious, no she
has enough to last her if she lives to
be 100 years old. Chicago Inter
!, Ocean.
''Why is it, she asked, "that stolen
kisses are always the sweetest?" II
guess" he replied. "it is because they
are taken syrup-titiously. Boston
] Courier.
Stranger addressing an old brick
/ layer)-"Uncle, who's building this
house?" ''Mr. Hirschbug, he build
6e house, but Queen Anne she drawed
de plan. Reformed Messenger.
First Tramp--'I found this here
bottle o spring bitters in bar'l this
mornin'." Second Tramp-"T'row it
away, Fitzey. S'posen dey was to cure
you of that tired feeling'l You might
want to work. Puck.
Officer Flynn-"C Come, now, if yez
don't get away from there I'll run yez
in" Boy (peeping through fence)-
"Say, cap, if you'll le' me see dis
double play out I'll let we take me to
de islam fer life. Puck.
els Diggins an old baseball player?
see that he has mask hanging in his
library" "No. He puts that on when
ever he wants to have talk with his
wife about cutting down household ex-
penses Detroit Free Press.
"1s he a young man of good nd
dress?" asked the proprietor when the
applicant for position had left. 81
should say 80, " replied the bookkeeper /;
she lives in one of the swellest parts of
the city. Washington Star.
Mrs. Neversee~-"What made you tell
me he was the carver of his own for
tune, when he got every dollar he has
by marrying IN heiress." Neversee-
"Humpl He had to cut out half n dozen
fellows to get her, didn't he ?"-- Buffalo
Courier.
Out of Place. "Of course, you have
somebody to clean the boots and knives
and somebody to do the kitchen"
"Oh, of course, and l send the beds
out to be made. 1 wanted somebody
only to be looked at but you won't
do. Good morning Judy.
81 tell you," said the proud father
as he replaced letter in its envelope,
''that youngster of mine is going to
make his mark in literature" "What
makes you think so?" "He's only five
years old and he writes to me in
dialect Washington Star.
Mrs. Hichurch las she gazes out of
the window on rainy Sunday morn
ing)--"Yes it's true. Providence does
temper the wind TO the shorn lamb" "
Mr.. What makes You say
so2" Mrs, Hichurch"Why, my new
bonnet didn't come home last night I"
Puck.
Fond Mother"Here's something
about baby whose head measures
twenty-five inches in circumference.
Is there any danger of our darling be-
ing so deformed?" Skeptical Father
"No, dear; not unless he could under
stand and believe all the things you
say to him. Tit Bits.