Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-09-22
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS by FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
just What's tho Matter-The II w
Great Divisions--Und oubtedly-1h
Fall Of Silver, etc., etc.

JUST WHAT'S THE MATTER.
She-I only wish to break the engage
ment because fear your inability to
love one devotedly.
He-Lovc one devOtedly! Why, l
could love dozen devotedly.-[Lifc.
TIE TWO GREAT DIVISIONS.
"Did you have heavy rainfall ycster-
day"
"No; only wet the just"
"What about the unjust?"
ooh, they had borrowed all the UNI
brellas. Judge.
UNDOUBTEDLY.
''T'm afraid you won't be able to get
your French India-rubber man into the
country"
"Why nota"
Couldn't he be classed as q contract
laboreri"-l Truth.
THE FALL OF SILVER.
Teacher--If potatoes were so cents q
bushel how many bushels could buy
with this nice shiny dollar have in my
hand?
Tommy (who has heard his father dis
cuss tinanoe)-One. -IChicago Record.
A NATURAL INFERENCE.
"What city has the largest floating pop
ulation, inquired the teacher. Cork"
answered the bright little boy at the foot
of the Glass; Chicago Herald.
BEGAN WRONG,
"We had terrible time with the
Convention of Physicians in our city the
other day."
"What about?"
They found disease, and then
couldn't discover microbe for it,
Vogue.
HAsTY TOILET.
Little Dick-What are you tryin' to
do, anyhow?
Little Dot-NIamma has sent for the
doctor to come and see me, and l is
scrubbin' my tongue so it'll be fit to
look at.-[Good News.
PERFECTLY RIGHT.
Miss Candour-I hear your engage.
ment with Mr.. Flightie is broken.
Miss Mugg-Yes; have cast him off.
Miss Candour-Perfectly right. A man
who spends all his time with other girls,
and doesn't call to see his affianced
wife once in six months. ought to be
cast of.-lNew York Weekly.
PHILANTHROPIsT.
Whitegoods-Now,M Mr.. Redink, they're
talking about this income tax; and, as il
may affect your income, l thought il
best to reduce your salary from two
thousand to fifteen hundred. DOM
think they'll tax any income as low as
fifteen hundred.
Redink-But, Mr.
Whitegoods-Now, not word! YOU
know l never can bear to hear myself
thanked.-[Puck.
A DANGEROUS SUMMER GIRL.
He-So we are engaged. Isn't il
lovely?
She-Perfectly.
-Iwonder if anybody saw me when
I kissed you last night2
She-I hope so.
He-What!
| She-I hope so.
He--Why?
Shc-I mean business, and want wit
0esses.--[Detroit Free Press.
WHY HE DIDN'T REMIT.
Tailor (meeting friend on the street,
1 thought you said you'd mail the IS bill
| you owe me2
Creditor-I did mean to, but when l
went to the post Office to mail it found
that plaoard on the walls: "Post nc
bills"
Little Beth Tin the country)-Grand
pa, you must have to keep an awful lot
of policemen out here.
Grand pa-Why, Beth2
Beth-Oh, there's such lot of grass
60 keep off of.-ITid- Bits.
WHAT WOULD PAPA sAY2
Teacher-Now, Tommy, suppose YOU
had 25 cents, and you wanted sever
cents for candy, five for apples and five
for lemonade, how many cents would
you have left?
Tommy-Twenty-f
Glow could that be-"
Cpd have them charged to papa."-
Chicago Tribune.
ANNOYING FASHION.
Laura (at the seaside) How annoy
ing.
Flora-What, dear?
Laura-I have been looking through
this field glass at Chollie Chaps and
Maud Everfy down there on the beach
and they are dressed so much alike that ]
can't tell whether he has his arm around
her or she has her arm around him