Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-11-22
How to Manage q Pig.

nv hiuhi6ho ehO ouhihoho S"hS
Maria Ann thrust her elbow cleverly
between two of my ribs, and whisper
ed in ghostly accents:
Joshua, there is a pig in the
garden!
l have lived long enough tc
know that she expects me to catch
her ideas instantly, and though she
had not said anything about it,
knew that she anticipated that
would Immediately rise and 60 for the
pig. | accordingly rose in my might
and began cropping for my clothes
l felt that without them / could
not appear to that advantage that
would command the respect of the
pig.
had no idea we possessed sc
much wearing apparel until / began
an inventory of it in the dark while
looking for my trousers. Igot hold
of articles with edging and articles
with flounces and with embroidery,
and with strings, while Maria kept
whispering through the gloom:
THAT pig will eat up all the po-
tatoes before you get downstairs.
You are fearfully slow"
Isuppose she whispered for fear the
pig would hear and become offended.
She never could bear to give Of
fense to any one, not even to pig,
excepting me. All this time was
trying on things that did not fit me-,
but finally l got into some sort of a
garment that had what was in
tended for a couple of buttons on
it, and l buttoned it up, although
there was light and airy cheerful
ness about it that did not seem en-
tirely familiar.
/ got half downstairs, when it
suddenly it occurred to me that the
pig was not in our garden, for the
very good reason that we had no
garden for pig to get into; still,
We had a cistern, and the pig might
get into that.
This thought SO startled me that
/ rolled to the bottom of the stairs,
a feat made easier from the fact
that l seemed to be pretty we'll
tangled up in the garment had
adopted. Maria Ann, who always
proves equal to the emergency,
soothed me good deal by coming
to the top of the stairs and calling
me an idiot, and other pet titles she
is in the way of applying in mo-
ments Of tenderness.
! got out Of the front door as soon
as possible, and the pig, who was
looking at the. house from the front
yard, apparently with view to
renting it, stood appalled,. l did
not wonder at this. In my haste
in dressing had Inadvertently put
on Maria AIMS petticoat, and it
stands to reason that a man arrayed
in white nightshirt and blue pet
ticoat, rushing from the front door
OF house at the solemn hour Of
midnight, must present an appalling
spectacle to any pig.
After recovering from his mo-
mentary astonishment, the pig took
three more kinks in his tail, and
scooted three times round the yard.
The gate was wide open, but he
never thought of going through
that. He seemed to be looking for
place to Jump over the wall. /
tangled myself up in the petticoat
again, and took flying leap into
the yard, landing on my left eye
brow.
We do not give woman half the
credit they deserve. ! am convinc.
ed that it requires more downright
genius to pilot petticoat cut with
darts in the back and trimmed with
knife-pleating than it does to man.
age bank. The pig ran round
the yard three times more in the
opposite direction, with four kinks
in his tail.
/ am slow to wrath, but / an
afraid was beginning to get an
cry, and when l went round the
house and got a hatchet, ] am sor
ry to confess that it was with a firm
purpose to kill that pig or die il
the attempt. don't think the pie
had noticed the wood-shed until
went there for the hatchet, bu
when / returned to the front yart
he Immediately retired to the wood
shed, and then ] knew l had him.
Maria had by this time recovered
her presence of mind, and had go
her head out of a front window up