Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1893-01-04
Scissore3 Smiles.

Laughable.
Scissored Smiles.
TIE more liquid q man puts down
MS throat the less chance there seems
TO be OF drowning his -YOnkers
Statesman.
| SOME men are born wealthy;
some men are born great;
But all men are kicking
| Forever at fate
No MAN can stand drain upon
his resources so well as the farmer.
provided the drain is on wet land
Lowell Courier
IT is running to extremes when
prediction that the comet was going
TO make it hot for us is followed by a
snow storm Washington Star.
LITERARY AUNT-Are you fond of
Crabbe's tales, Edna? Edna don't
know, aunty. I've never eaten them,
but [ love the meat in Holsters legs.
Truth.
The Then you find mar
ried life happy?" The Wife-"Yes;
but then seldom see my husband,
you know. Smith, Gray & Co.'S
Monthly.
DUKANE-I believe the physician
is right who said cholera is a crime
GasWell-That accounts for the effort
being made to arrest it.-Pittsburg
Chronicle.
SATAN-Where does this arrival
hail from? Charon-New York.
Satan-Boil him in oil. We can't
afford to catch the cholera.--New
York Herald
MAMMA-"Why do you put on such
airs over that little girl?" Wee
| WOman-"Her mother hasn't got
bought teeth like you has. Street
& Smiths Good News.
DAUBE-Now, Miss Hunter, please
| look pleasant; that's it-keep that
for moment until [ catch it. There!
now you may resume your natural
expression, if you wish.
PATIENT Isn't So rather high for
pulling a tooth?" Dentist-"I think
not. Fifty cents for extracting and
$3.50 for gas" Patient-"One fifty
for gas. So that's why you talk so
much. Texas Siftings.
MoTHER-"Dear me, are you
through shopping? How did you
manage to get back so sOOn?"
Daughter "a bright girl)-@I told
them to send the change home with
the goods. Street s. Smiths Good
News.
Boy Con bridge)-Say, mister, if
you don't look out you'll be fined.
Teamster-Why will I? Boy-That
sign says walk your horses" don't
it? Teamster-Je Jesse. Boy - Well,
yours are standing still.-Street 81
Smiths Good News
OLD LADY (reading report Of pub
| lie dinner)-"Some Of these were
drunk standing" Think of that,
Elizer Jane; so drunk they couldn't
sit down! They must be what them
papers call people who stand we'll in
society" -Princeton Tiger.
HE-"The architecture of Europe
would interest me most" She (Da-
kota belle, expatiating on her travels)
Eyes, everything is SO quaint" He
How did the cathedral Of Cologne
| impress you?" She-"Oh, of course,
that was too sweet for anything. y
Thomas Cat.
THAT man BlobbS is lucky dog"
And why?" Gle was going through
a tannery the other day and fell into
a vat" 81 don't call that luck"
But he had on his light summer suit,
and when they pulled him out it was
dyed beautiful black and he WOO
have to. buy any winter clothes"
Buffalo Express.
JIMMY, wOt's an anarchist"
anarchist is Teller wot takes wo,
yourn an keeps wot isn't his'n; a.
cordin' to them if | was ter take
ey'ry apple an peach from that stand
yonder it'd be all right, cause that
Eyetalian can't eat 'em, and I'd have
! a perfect right to 'em!"-4Jimmy,
| let's be anarchists
| PHYsICIAN-"The best thing we
can do is to find healthier location
for our hospital" Hospital Manager
IF all your colleagues were like you
the best thing we could do would be
to shut up our hospital altogether.
Physician = ooh, you compliment
me-" Hospital Manager-"Yes, for
then we could start a second cemez.
terry. Exchange.
TEACHER-"I have told you Of
Louis Kossuth and what he die. l
have also just said that he recentl.T
received a congratulatory address
from the Hungarian diet. Now, who
can tell me what the Hungarian diet
is?" Little Boy formerly of Halle
ton. Pa. )-"Most anything that they
can lay their hands on. Street &
| Smiths Good News.
| Clad in Costly Fur.