Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1893-01-08
HELD A JINT FUNR'L.
rus PREACHERS WIFE STARTED TO
FOLLOW THE WRONG CORPSE.
s,,,,ed the Bottle Into the Ministers
satcheI--Prctty Girls ut the Char"s
Bzii-other Idier's stories


head. and the other pedal extremity hang
ing listlessly upon the floor, thought ne
was the most comfortable-looking man 1
ever saw. He was preacher-one OF thst
kind who rightly believes that there Is
time for dignity and time for substantial
endowment. l could see genial look on
his face which signifed the approach Oh
one ~ his pleasant stories aud when OBJ
sa,ved ths elevated foot rise degrees
bioher knew that the joke would Dc
good one. We had been talking ABOUT
Serv sad subject -funerals--and WON
dered what humorous incident he was go;
inc TO relate. He looked at me, percelEeu
that WAS all ears (metaphoricaiiy sPehA-
ing. not like q donkey. and then ne salu
4" LET me tell YOU about the FUNNIEST III;
neral lever went to-" Graciousiy srsnleu
him permission aud he said; mi,
Wien my family was, living on ahl i,r
street there was colored man slGh " oIi
premises. lie was our COOKS huspanu,
and was az good q Christian. man az sne
was a mean woman. l had seVersl
talks with him, and offered many
nrayors Of his bedside. But he
died. and Just before his demise ne
asked me TO conduct his funeral services.
I WILLINGLY consented. and on the day tor
tho obseanies | told his wife that u
wouldn't be necessary for her to get car;
rage for myself and family, az my wlle quo i
| would 20 TO the church In our buggy sn ,i
nv daughters could walk. She w4uluh
hear 10 this proposal, for she said her ia;
,nented snouse belonged to a society
who were going to give him first-class
"buryin."
II WAS yretchedly cold. rainy, winter
dav and I was sitting in my room Just be;
fore the time for the funeral, when heatu
a band of music PLAYING fit to burst tne
weather open. wondered who the en-
thusiastio musicians could be, ana you
can IMAGINE nv surprise and horror when
thev stopped in front of nv house anu
filed into the backyard through the slae
gate. They had come to bear away Ine
departed husband of my cook, ana l was
sent to the church IN great glory ana ma. nau
a hack all to myself. When the procession
reached the edifce l assembled the steps
and was lust about to enter the door When
a big darky stepped up to me and sara:
"Whar you gwineI" =
Pm going irl--get out of my way" L
repled, but he wouldn't do 1t.
You can't 20 in dar," said my OBJ
structor.
Get out of my way" repeated.
Boss, dar's nuther tunrl IN dat
church." SAID the sable dlgnltary, VINO
proved TO be the sexton.
| didn't want TO keep my procession
waiting out in the ram, so persisted III
being allowed to enter with the corteJe, Tor
| thought under the circumstances that L
could com bine with the cOlored minister
and have q double service.
Finally, tho sexton, with q look OF
radiance on his face. as II happy ldea
had struck him, said Boss. dis ls 30
funril. Them other foxes orter been hear
at u, and its o'clock now. You 60 IN
dar and make dem niggers git OUT q,
And so we went in, but my wife ana
daughters didn't hear this conversation,
and 80 they knew nothing about the
presence Of the other corpse IN the
church.
When reached the pulpit the colored
divine very willingly consented to have o
" jint service"
HAS you got any Recommendations &c
make about de corpse 2" he asked me.
didn't exactly know what he meant,
but subsequently, learned that he wished
TO know If had any resolutions or respect
to read. You know the colored societies "
always adopt such memorials when one OF
their members depart this life.
When got up to show my hand IN the
" int service" didn't exactly know what
10 say about the dead man, who had gotten
ahead of my party, but l told the. people
that III view of the fact that he had so
many Recommendations be must have
been pretty good sort of q fellow. This
pleased them nightly. and they We're IN
a fine humor for what | had TO say about
my cooks husband. When finished my
remarks the colored preacher asked me
to let his party 60 out first, as 1t would
take some time for them to get TO the
cemetery. |. OF course, consented, ana
YOU can imagine my surprise when saw
my wife and daughters, with rather mys-
tilted look, preparing to follow this party.
Up to this time they were evidently lgno-
rant of the fact that it was Jint tune
ral.n and they never would have known
the difference If Colonel Tanners butler
hadn't jumped up aud said to my
wife: "Mrs. =, dat amt 90 corpse; dat's
de other one"
But finally all the difficulties Of the
situation adjusted themselves, and my
"buryin" passed off without hitch.
At the conclusion of this story, which,
by the way, is a true one. the elevated
foot dropped from its perch and the
preacher lit o fragrant cigar. He took d
draw from the weed" saturated his
Inner man" with smoke until 1t burst out
from every creVice IN his face, and then
said Can l tell you another funny incl
dent about still another funeralt 1t is
about some Catholics, and | think 1t Is
very creditabe to them"
OF course, was prepared TO listen. and
allowing myself to smell the smoke from
his Havana, settled down in my chair.
"You know we preachers here have great
deal of trouble owing to the fact thar
several of the white and colored churches
have the same name" said he. For III
stance. we have First and Second Baptist
church. and so have the darkies. Ii used
to puzzle ne great deal when | read the
death notices, but of late | have gotten
used to it and can recognize tho names OF
nv congregation. Some time ago / was
down at one of the depots TO see the re-
mains of an old lady of, and one of the
pall-bearers remarked to me: Doctor,
see YOU have a funeral at your church this
that had seen the notice, but thought il
meant that the obseQuIes would take place
at the colored church. However, some
thing told me that 1t was best for me tc
show up in my pulpit at tho specified hour
and so / went to my church. When
reached the edlfce | saw the carriages and
hearse standing before the door. | looked
in and saw that Gil the congregation were
strangers to me. did not recognize ia.
miliar face. When stepped forward be
fore the gathering | could not tell whether
the deceased was a man or woman, Oh
whether he or she was old or young.
knew nothing in the world about the life
of the departed. and vet l wanted TO say
something personal. In vain did | look u
the congregation, but not soul did
know. and so l could CLEAN no ideas.
contented myself with merely reading thu
service, and when the body was taken ou
and put into the hearse, | asked some one
VINO the deceased was. " She was Mr.
O'Shannessey's mother-in-law," was tn,
reply. aud that was all / could learn
After the last rites at the grave | felt tina
| it was my duty TO offer q few words o.
consolation to the bereaved family. but
didn't exactly know who they were.
went up to lady and gentleman who ap
peared to be the chief mourners, and
said to the latter: " Is this Mr.. OShan
nessey?n
He said. Yes" and then endeayoret
to console him in his affection. "Ah
Doctor" said the bereayed son-in-law
who has q slight touch of Irish brogue IL
his conversation, "she was good wo
man. She was Baptist and lived In IVES
Virginia, but she came down to see me an
dieo. | knew that if / had passed ava,
while at her house she would have sent 70