The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-05-18
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

doctor, when do you think mar
weighs most?" asked patient who wa:
undergoing a course of dietary treat
ment. When he steps on my corns, >
answered the doctor. It'd
-Mother-''What do you mean BY
coming into the house, tracking the
mud all over the carpets?" Hopeful
"Twasn't my fault. didn't want ter
come n."-Boston Transcript.
-Visitor-"Didn't l see your mis-
tress at the window as | came in?''
Servant guess not, for she met me
at the head of the stairs and said to tell
you she wasn't in."-Inter Ocean.
81 think whistling should be taught
to boys in school," said Harkaway
"Why?" queried Barnum. Because,
if it was. you couldn't get EN- to prac-
tice it outside" said Harkaway. -Har-
per's Bazaar.
Room at the op.-Wife-''Dear.
aren't you drinking little too much
wine?" Husband-"No can hold
more liquor than most men" Wife-.'I
dare say. 1t always goes to your head. ="
Truth.
Safe From All Harm.-First Landed
Proprietor-"Do you have good police
protection out your way?" Second
Landed Proprietor-"Do we? Well.
rather. We have the prettiest hired
girl in the city. Detroit Tribune
/ Robbie, why are you searching
Through Mr. Dullpate's overcoat
T0t&ets?'' Robbie Cause You said
you s'posed he'd entertain the COM
pany tonight with lot more of his
chestnuts. Inter Ocean.
-Harkaway-"Just before you We're
married you told me that you loved
me. But you need not fear that shall
tell your husband of it." Mrs Cutting
Indeed | told him of it long ago, but
he said it was impossible. Vogue.
--Clora-"HIave Won seen Mr.. Gallo
ways latest suit? think it is awful"
Maude-"I don't agree with you. The
other night when he called was COM
2letely wrapped up in it."-Clothier
and Furnisher
THAT fellow was deuced familiar
for man one hardly knows. He slapped
me on the back and called me old
man. What did he mean by that, |
should like to know? well, the fact
is, he told me afterward he had forgot
ten your name"
"A Capitalist Gent Ito beggar
to whom he has given a cent)-"Now,
my man, what shall you do with that
coin?" "Well, hardly know, guv' nor,
whether to purchase an annuity or in
vest in railway stock. Which do you
advise?"-Yankee Blade.
-Primus-"When | said 1T takes
three generations to make gentle
man did that young Dingley think /
was hitting at him?' Secundus-''O,
no. He said he thought you were
dreaming of the day when you might
have a great-grandson." Vogue.
-Mother-"What did young Mr..
Tompkins say to you. Clara, when he
was trying to button your glove?"
Clara (sadly)-"He said that the man
who would make glove that wouldn't
button easier than that ought to be
hanged" Mother-''Well, ! wouldn't
waste any more time therein. Y.
News.
The Case Hopeless One.-Pastor
Pardon me. brother, but are you
prepared for the great change that
must come to US all? That is certainly
consumptive cough of yours" Ca
daverous Parishioner-'I don't believe
it. Mr.. Goodman. I've been coughing
this way for forty-six years" How
old are you, may ask?" I'm little
over fifty And been coughing-''
"Forty-six years" The same way
you do now?'' just exactly" Re
garding him sorrowfully) ITS great
pity, Brother Skunk, il didn't carry
you off forty-six years agor'-Chicago
Tribune.