Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-01-26
WIT AND HUMOR.


should be gurgled. = Philadelphia
A genius is a person who finds out
things for other people. Galreston
Ne,cS.
1t is impossible for anybody to have
too many of the nccessaries of life
Galveston Meas.
No man has ever found safer guide
rope than his mothers apron string
Galveston NeUS.
81 want a dollar. Jones. and l want
1t bad" "All right. Take this coun-
terfeit. Brooklyn Life.
You may jocularly tell a man he's a
a Tyre, but it isn't wise to harp on it
too much Boston Courier.
There are some men to whom loss
of their reputation would mean mighty
good luck.-Ieras Sytings.
Give the devil his due" is all wrong.
Give him your don't" and you'll be
happier. YonkerS Statesman
Unfortunately for the universities,
all the 'fellers" with "rocks" are not
Rockefellers- Philadelphia Record.
These are piping times for the hus-
bands whose wives gave them Christ
mas bargain cigars. Philadelphia Rec
ord
She-"Are you going abroad to COM
plete your education?" He - Not
much-going to marry to complete it."
Pick.
a tell you, Marbury. you can't get
something for nothing in this world"
20, don't know. How about measles?"
-Brooklyn Life.
"Good-by, dear" he whispered. May
| kiss you?" Yes, yes" she answered.
Don't waste so much time in talking"
Brooklyn Life.
4 young lady does not exactly have
proposes she has the refusal of him.
-PicGyWRe.
1t is wrong impression a man
gets when he thinks he can pull him
self out of trouble with corkscrew-
YonkerS Statesman.
Dashaway-"I have Just been up in
the mountains for a little shooting"
Cleverton-"Any luck?" Dashaway-
"One guide. Life.
A Western lecturer has selected for
his subject "a Bad Egg" This sub
| ject often strikes lecturer unfavor-
ably.-IeraS Sylings.
TeacherCto Juvenile astronomy class)
How many stars can we see?" Small
scholar-"lt depends on how hard we
fall, ma'am. Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Wagner-"How do you manage
to keep servants so well?" Mrs. Cute
| un-"We have a very handsome po-
liceman on this beat.-N. Y. Herald.
You seem to have poor view of
human nature" MY friend, you
should remember that | mix a great
deal among politicians. IN y Press.
did you read Whites London let
ter this morning." NO, 1T was too
long, over two columns. What did he
say?" "He said there was no news"
TIT Bits.
Il beg a thousand pardons for COM
ing so late. MY dear sir" replied the
lady, mo pardons are needed. You
can never come too late. - Christian
ReCieiO.
People are so inconsistent They
will speak in complimentary terms of
| the minister's slow delivery while they
swear at the messenger boys Ioak-
| erS Statesman.
With all respect, to the proyerb it
| may be stated that il is not necessary
| to give the devil his due. He is quite
competent to collect it with interest,"
| Washington Star
40, yes; he's well educated and all
that, but nell never make a good sur
geon." why not?" He's entirely
without a passion for experiment.
Butdto Express.
yes; Jim's pretty far down. He's
connected with the Legislature now"
as he member" 30, no; it's not so
bad as that. He's committee clerk"
Buffalo Express.
Fond Mamma-"My son is studying
ology? o, l wish my daughter could
study that; it might teach her how to
| shop. "-Princeton Tiger.
White-"Bangs is a most interesting
talker; he never is at loss for sub
ject." Gray-"H'm! Does he keep a
dog or is he possessed of chronic all
mentP"-BoSton Transcript.
Jones (meeting Brown in dry goods
store)-"Hello, Brown, how are you?
What are you doing now-got steady
job?" Brown guess l have. I'm
waiting for my change. Life.
Mr.. Honeymoon-"Dld you sew that
button on that coat, darling?" Mrs.
Honeymoon-"No o, sweetheart, could
MT find the button, but sewed up the
buttonhole. TEXAS SJtingS.
Mother-''I have my doubts about
that Mr.. Hanson" Daughter-''He
wears dress suit on proper occa-
| sions." Mother-"Yes, but it isn't al
ways the same one."-N Y Weekly.
Mr.. Flim-"What is there about
these long-haired musicians that at
tracts you women SOP" Mrs. Grim
Just think how easy a long-hsired
L man is To n1nnane p IrlHinHn Io,Ir-