The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-04-06

rather longing for a change OF diet.
Pauline had just laid our supper
oysters and sardines, eggs, pastry and
chcese-when my wife returned, tear
fully anxious.
George, darling, do you-have you
are there any-any spots about you?
said had no doubt l could oblige
her, but could not tell with any GER
tainty. But she was evidently severe.
ly serious.
please, don't joke, George dear; it's
a matter of life or death. Do run up.
stairs and see before it is too late"
So finally, after useless protests,
was sent up to my bedroom with pen
Gil and paper to report on the appear
ance and location of any spots" |
might happen to possess.
''Oh, Pm so thankful" said my wife
when she was told that but few PIN
plies that had existed long before the
era of food lectures, my skin had a
clean bill of health. II am glad that
our folly has not, up to the present,
had any serious consequences. DR..
Hutchinson, the greatest surgeon in
England, says Prof. Spatling, has
proved conclusively that lcprosy is
solely caused by eating too much fish;
coast districts are always the parts
principally affected. Norway, the only
European country where lcprosy flour
ishes to any considerable extent, finds
in fish its staple food. And oysters
oysters for supper! Good gracious,
George, how could you be so foolish"
Pauline brought them in" ex-
planned fcebly and rather meanly. Of
course had given Pauline the money.
II suppose you don't really want to
get rid of me, George? l suppose you
haven't got them with the deliberate
intention of giving me blood poisoning
or typhoid fever? Yet surely you ought
to know that Thames oysters always
You haven't any pains about the-the
breast, have you, George
When | had satisfied my wife on this
point, she went over her notes of the
lecture, and one by one knocked most
Of the principal articles off our bill of
fare. To cut five lectures into one.
week after week she did the same, ter
ribly agitated about the i'll effects re-
sulting from this or that article of food,
and in mortal fear lest, through our ig-
norance of the laws of healthy dietet-
les, typhoid or some other dire COM
plant should carry us Off before the
conclusion Of the course of lectures.
ut Is a comfort to have ones eyes
l.. - I'll, 4 "a
as this disease or that frightened her
nearly out of her senses by being
caused by some corresponding article
of diet. After awhile she began to
take melancholy interest in discov-
ering fresh facts and arguments show
ing some new association of eating and
i'll health and her time was principally
spent in comparing the cookery book
with the dictionary of diseases.
Pastry was knocked off as bad for the
sugar in any form produced
diabetes; jam was simply turnip
poisonously colored; timed provisions
were VIGOROUSLY dangerous; while
anyone with sense and natural desire
for good wind and breathing apparatus
would avoid cheese like a pestilencc.
Then butter, according to medical
journal, was known to carry the germs
of consumption; eggs were responsible
for serious arrangements of the liver,
and fruit and vegetables meant cholera
at the very least
bore up as best could under these
deprivations, thinking it wise to humor
my wife while the fit lasted; and con-
soled myself in the meantime with the
pipe and drinks that had not yet been
taken away. But their day was at
hand. A special lecture was devoted
to these subjects; and Immediately
afte., the corner of my mouth was vio-
lently seized and examined by my wife
for signs of cancer; blindness was
threatened unless tobacco was Instant
ly relinquished; and as for drinks
well, with typhoid caused by milk,
govt by beer, loss of horsepower by
tea ana coffee, and fatty degeneration
by cocoa, not to speak of indigestion
and sundry other evils, man would be
criminal indeed to run such risk
For the last week have been living
on bread and water and haricots, and
even these were not obtained without
struggle. Haricots were conceded
doubtfully, with pensive statement
that perhaps it might not do any
harm, and haricots were certainly very
nutritious" so that since then, this
white, fatty, insipid vegetable has
made its way to the ia BILE IN every con-
ceivable form and on every conceiva-
BILE occasion. Water, my wife thought,
we should be better without; the pro-
fessor had said the less one drinks
the better;" and it certainly follows
that if one does not drink at all, con-
dition of perfect health is likely to be
attained. With regard to bread, its
properties are so fattening, that nv
wife, who has Sigh: tendency to EN-
bonpoint," and whom l once discov-
cred running surreptitiously up and
down stairs with the object of reduc-
ing her weight, called upon me on
those grounds to relinGuish its use, re-
minding me that, as Byron used vine
gar for this worthy object, so ought |
to deny myself little for the sake OF
health, economy and above all, as a
literary man, the preservation of a
poetical and professional appearance
Here, however, put my foot down,
and she did not insist