The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-08-01
AUNT SALLY'S SUICIDE.

"Drat that hog!"
"What's that?"
81 said drat that hogr
why, Joshua Beebe. dare how
you take the name of the Lord in
vain?n
81 hain't token it,"
Eyes. you have. How you dare
swear like a.pirats and then go to
church on Sunday and purtend
goodness is more'n l can make out.
/ should think you'd be afraid of
bein' struck dead"
81 guess l don't run any more risk
than you do"'
Joshua Reebe.''
'.f didn't like the way things
was run I'd git out"
..And l will git out this very day!
Joshua Beebe, I've been a slave to
you fur risin' of thirty years. I've
shaved and shaved and shaved, and the
Lord knows I've done my hull duty
I've had to put up with this and put
up with that, but it's the last hair
that breaks the camels back.
After thirty years of slavin' and SUI
ferin' and wearin' old buds you want
to turn me out doors! Very well. I'll
gor'
Nobody has turned you out
doors"
"Yes they have! kin take hint
as quick as the next one. You want
me to go and will 60. If the nay
burs ask you what has BEGUN of
me you kin say that you turned me
out of doors and I went off and
died. The cold beef is in the dish
pan on the sink. and you'll find the
Eaters down cellar. Be kind to the
cat, Joshua, and you'll find the clock
key inside the clock. l owe Mrs.
Savage q cup of brown sugar, and l
borrowed a DRAWN of tea of Mrs.
Tyler the other day, want you to
pay 'em back. and you must also re-
member to let the spotted calf suck
your finger afore you offer him the
bucket of milk. Good bye, Joshua
Beebe!"
had lived with my uncle and aunt
for three years. / had heard some
thing like the above once a week dur
ing all that time. They were good
people and they were fond of each
other. but it was their way. Some
times it was Uncle Joshua who was
going to quit, and On dozen different
occasions he packed up and got as
far as the gate. Aunt Sally was the
most sensitive of the two, however,
and it was a cold week when she did
not make ready to leave her bed and
board. Once: she got as far as her
sisters, two miles away. but she gen.
orally contented herself with turning
about after reaching the schoOlhouse.
Shed pretend she had forgotten
something. and upon her return to
the house would manage so that
Uncle Josh would ask her to remain.
We were eating breakfast one
morning when the above conversation
took place. A hog had rooted his
way under the garden fence. and
Uncle Josh was provoked at the spec
tacle. During the last part of the
conversation Aunt Sally was walking
about the dining room. and making
ready for her departure. When she
went up stairs Uncle Josh reached
over for another slice of fried pork
and chuckled to himself. while | had
my mind on trap had set for an
owl 1t was about tine for Aunt
Sally to 'kick up" and if she hadn't
oh knva IL
We left the table and the house
without seeing her again, and
during the forenoon were busy plant
ing corn in field half mile away.
i don't think Uncle Josh gave the
matter five minutes thought until II
o'clock came. He could tell the hour
by the sun, and when we did not get
the sound of the horn he said:
'.Aunt Sally is leetle late to-day.
Mebbe tin peddler has cum along
to bother her. Guess we'll go up all
the same, as / want to sharpen this
hce."
On our way to the house / noticed
that he walked faster than usual and
had slightly anxious look on his
face. The kitchen door was shut, all
the curtains drawn and there was no
smoke from the chimney. We entered
the kitchen to find that no prepare
ticn had been made for dinner, and
five minutes later we knew that
Aunt Sally had skipped. The first
thing Uncle Josh did was to run ont
to the highway and look up and
down No Aunt Sally in sight. While
he was thus engaged / looked into
the cOrn-crib and smoke-house and
behind the leach. but there was no
sign of Aunt Sally. As we met in
front of the house Uncle Josh looked
pale and his chin trembled.
Sammy. your Aunt Sally has
finally gone" he moaned.