The Colfax chronicle., 1893-06-10

Pauline had just laid our supper
oysters and sardines, eggs, pastry and
checse-when my wife returned, tear
fully anxious.
George. darling, do you-have you
are there any-any spots about you?"
said had no doubt l could oblige
her, but could not tell with any cer-
tainty. But she was evidently severe
ly serious
"Please, don't joke, George dear; it's
a matter of life or death. Do run up
stairs and see before it is too late"
So finally, after useless protests, I
was sent up to my bedroom with PEN
Gil and paper to report on the appear
ance and location of any spots l
might happen to possess
'Oh. I'm so thankful" said my wife
when she was told that but a few pim-
pies that had existed long before the
era of food lectures, my skin had
clean bill of health. II an, glad that
our folly has not, up to the present
had any serious consequences. DIR.
Hutchinson, the greatest surgeon in
England, says Prof Spatling, has
proved conclusively that leprosy is
solely caused by eating too much fish;
coast districts are always the parts
principally affected. Norway. the only
European country where leprosy flour
ishcs to any considerable extent, finds
in fish it's staple food. And oysters
oysters for supper! Good gracious,
George, how could you be SO foolish!"
Pauline brought them in," ex-
planned, fecbly and rather mcanly. Of
course had given Pauline the money.
81 suppose you don't really want to
get rid of me, George? suppose you
haven't got them with the deliberate
intention of giving me blood poisoning
or typhoid fever? Yet surely you ought
to know that Thames oysters always
You haven't any pains about the-the
breast. have you, George?'
When 1 had satisfied my wife on this
point. she went over her notes of the
lecture, and one by one knocked most
of the principal articles off our bill of
fare. To cut five lectures into one.
week after week she did the same, ter
ribly agitated about the i'll effects re-
sulting from this or that article of food,
and in mortal fear lest, through our ig-
norance of the laws of healthy dietet-
les, typhoid or some other dire COM
plant should carry US off before the
conclusion of the course of lectures.
ut Is comfort to have ones eyes
open at last" she said, time after time,
as this disease or that frightened her
nearly out of her senses by being
caused by some corresponding article
of diet. After awhile she began to
take a melancholy interest in discov-
ering fresh facts and arguments, show
ing some new association of eating and
ill health; and her time was principally
spent in comparing the cookery book
with the dictionary of diseases.
Pastry was Knocked of as bad for the
digestion; sugar in any form produced
diabetes; jam was simply turnip
poisonously colored; timed provisions
we're notoriously dangerous; while
| anyone with sense and natural desire
for good wind and breathing apparatus
would avoid cheese like a pcstilence.
Then butter, according to medical
| journal, was known to carry the germs
of consumption; eggs were responsible
for serious arrangements of the liver,
and fruit and vegetables meant cholera
at the very least
bore up as best / could under these
deprivations, thinking it wise 10 humor
my wife while the fit lasted; and con-
soled myself in the meantime with the
pipe and drinks that had not yet Eeen
taken away. But their day was at
hand. A special lecture was devoted
to these subjects; and Immediately
aftcc, the corner of my mouth was vio-
lently seized and examined by my wife
| for signs of cancer; blindness was
threatened unless tobacco was instant
ly relinquished; and as for drinks
we'll, with typhoid caused by milk,
gout by beer. loss of horsepower by
tea and coffee, and fatty degeneration
by cocoa. not to speak of indigestion
and sundry other evils, man would be
criminal indeed to run such risk.
For the last week have been Lying
on bread and water and haricots, and
struggle. Haricots were conceded
doubtfully. with pensive statement
that perhaps it might not do any
harm, and haricots were certainly very
nutritious" SO that since then, this
white, fatty, insipid vegetable has
made its way to the table In every con-
ceivable form and on every conceiya-
BILE occasion. Water, my wife thought,
we should be better without; the pro-
fcssor had said 'the less one drinks
the BETTER" and it certainly follows
that if one does not drink at all, a con-
dition of perfect health is likely to be
attained. With regard to bread, its
properties are so fattening, that my
wife, who has slight tendency to ''em-
bonpoint" and whom l once discov-
cred running surreptitiously up and
down stairs with the object of rcduc-
ing her weight. called upon me on
those grounds to relinquish it's use, re-