Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1893-04-08
PITH AND POINT.
Blackmail letters.

B.ackmall-n Mourning letters.
\ Charlottesville phonograph.
Nothing pays poorer interest on the
investment than wearing long face. -
Rams Horn.
A miller seldom complains, although
his is the most grinding of all vacations,
Troy Press.
~ AN several laps ahead" said the
cat who had stolen the cresm.-Wash.
ington Star.
Rimer-"I've written a poem on the
criuoline." Trivvet-"That's right It
deserves it."-Life.
"He behaved dreadful at the swarry, >
said Mrs. Partington. 'Acted like a
perfect idiom. "-Quips.
In love affairs, men make too wild
statements, and women are too wild in
believing tnem.-Atchison Globe.
The sugar, come from Sandwich,
Perhaps, may class as staple,
But Stnfwch cannot furnish
The sugar whicn is maple.
Detroit Free Press.
cialiy an engineer many times has to
whistle for his pay.-Rocbester Demo.
crat.
The bald-headed man is blessing in
mole ways than one. He never gets his
hair cut Saturday night.-Du Bois
Courier.
Mrs. Brown--''Wno was best man at
your wedding3' Mrs. Why,
my husband, of course. Harvard
Lampoon.
He-"My income is small, and per.
haps it is cruel OF me to take you from
your fathers roof" She CAUTIOUSLY, -
81 don't live on the roof. Fit Bits.
Chicsgos quaxing now with fear
Bout crlnoiine, the nasty stuff,
She Knows tina building IS for the air
VIII not Dy half he large enough
-Pittsburg Dispatch,
Blinkers-"Ohe never loses anything
by keeping mis- engagements puuctually."
Minkers-"My experience is he is app to
lose half an hours time waiting for tue
other fellow. - Tit. Bits.
Doctor-"Did you repeat the pre-.
scription as [ directeil" Patieat
Eyes; can say every word of it back.
ward, but 1 don't feel blamed bit
better. "-CnIcs 20 Inter Ocean.
Young Callow-''Do you KNOW there
are certain lines thst keep running
through aui through my head all tho
time" Miss Cutting -"WelI, what
to stop them'"-3oston Courier.
Sweet Girl-"Mercy It's ten O'Clock.
Has time ever passed so quickly with
you as it does nov" Devoted Lover "a
commercial travcleD -"Never, except at
railway dining rooms" - rit-Blts.
A-"asve you heard that the house
lately erected by Wackler, the con-
tractor, has fallen to piocesf" B-"Just
what [ expected; it was so heavity
mortgaged. "-ZIrcher Freita gszeltung.
Ethel" Isn't it too bad about that muir
derer to whom we were carrying aowers"
Grace" Why, what has happened to
him2" Ethel" Haven't you heard
He's been acquitted. Detroit Tribune.
At day break ne glsefuIly hurried away,
That cat VIII had caused such distress,
And ne murnured, That concert, venlu.a
to say,
Will Ne known as bowling success"
Washington Star.
When man comes around with n
scheme with "'millions in it, it may BE-
safe enough to indorse his sentiments,
but one should be careful about indors-
ing his paper. -Cinclnnati Commercial
Gazette.
Old Mcnsgerie Monkcy-"Woll, what
do you think of the white poop
50 farl" New Monkey-"The mo st
striking trait about then seems to d
their intense curiosity. "-tndiauapolis
Journal
Belief suspect that Carrie is going
to get married at last. Mr.. Manning wal
having long conversation with her last
evening" Kate-"But was he seriou,9"
BeIle-"Se7iousl Positively sad
Boston Transcript.
Aunie-'It is not very gallant for Mr..
Bald to speak of lalies as 'nens.'
should be mad enough If he called me
that" Ka.e-"Oh, he never will, am
sure. 1t was only last week he told me
you were no chicken. '-BJston Tran.
script.
"Mr. Addem, " said Broadway mer.
chant to his sad facet 5ooKkeepor, II
wish you would try and look a little more
cheerful 81 think" replied the BOOK.
keeper, swallowing a big lump, "thlt
for - week I'm aTfully jolly. "-Texai
Siltings.
"Mercyl' grunted the little pig. 81
am nearly starved to death. haven't
had anything to eat for almost tareo
minutes, and then it was only snacG-
three bushels of pea-pods and fourteen
pecks of withered lettuce leaves. ~
Harper's Bazaar.
Hicks-"And you say that Styles was
shot at by mlscfeant in the public
street. WHAT fright it must have given
him. don't suppose he'll get over II
for years" Wicks-"He'l never ge
over 1t. He is as proud as Lucifer about
it. He fatters himself that ne was mis-
taken for millionaire. Boston Trau
scrlnt,