The record-union., 1893-05-08
IN THE FAR west.
Squink's Experience While Herding
Rabbits Off the Railroad.
How He Traded Off His Landlady and
Her Son to n Pfute Chief, and
Then Struck Out.

At one time during my Kaleidoscope
career [ was commissioned by the rail
road company to go over into Utah to
herd jack-rabbits off the track and give
the trains chance. My principal occu-
patton while there, however, was a heroic
endeavor to subsist at a Mormon hotel
three times day.
The railroad company seemed to antici-
pate my troubles, foc they put me on the
night shift to work so l could have the
day to devote to the carrots
The old lady who kept the hotel-and
who kept it from furnishing anything fit
to eat-had son named Ikey, and key
was one OF the features of Utah Territory.
Whenever keys "mawr expected a con-
vocation of elders to dinner she assumed
an industrious phase, and made elaborate
preparation to get up Jack-rabbit Ola
p0dridd, with hsunch of coyote baked,
and new invoice of carrot pies.
The old lady never distinguished her
self-ln the estimation of the elders
however, for at such times key always
repaired to the one store at the station,
which was saloon, and before the oven
was hot he had acquired the tremens.
This so affected the old lady that she
invariably became hysterical, and While
in that condition | do not hesitate to say
she, too, got drunk-so drunk, indeed
that key mad to stand aside and let the
old party show him to what sublime
nights OF inebriety she could climb. These
incidents, although they varied the monot-
ony of desert life, also entirely obliterated
the bill OF fare; and two or three gentiles
one of whom was myself, had to subsist
upon cotton-waste and signal oil, diet
with which railroad men become accus-
toned on the desert, but never learn to
enjoy, and yet, considered from a perpet-
ual standpoint of carrots, or a rotary
cycle of carrots, the interruption was an
Innovation, and as such was an apprecia-
bic. If not wholesome and beneficial va
ration under the circumstances, mas
much as a change, even a vicissitude of
experience, lends a charm to existence.
at least where other pleasures are lIm-
tied and trials abound, as they do in some
places-or words to that effect
let go of the foregoing sentence as
soon as l could. The topic is one that
always inspires me with ambition to 90
into spasms.
l intended, however, to say that the
rabbits were bad that year, being even
more abundant and prolific than the
coyotes, and as | had to keep moving
would have lost heart for lack of a
change Of diet had it not been for an acci-
dent.
Fortune usually favors the deserving
after everybody else gets what he wants
and about the time we We're getting des-
perate a car loaded with crackers and
corned beef was telescoped by a cargo of
mustard and pickles, near the station.
and we had a supply of variegated pro-
visions seldom paralleled west of Chi
cago.
We helped clear up the wreck, and in
cidentally laid in a supply of supplies
that made us independent OF Mormon
dom, including 1key and the old lady, until
the rabbits were dispersed and | quit the
job.
The change in our bill OF fare proved so
inVigorating that the contrast of our cir
cumstances, with the imposition which
had been practiced upon us for so long
was too much for even my puritanical
morality, and 1 yearned for revenge.
l tried TO get rkey to repose on the rail-
road track while he slept away bis peri
odical eccentricities, but he always rolled
otf about the time a train came along, and
couldn't get him run over. L had about
come to the conclusion that I couldn't
kill either him or the old lady without
duplicating myself in crime, when | was
again favored by fortune.
The Piute Indians began to come in
from their summers rustication in the
the coal cars. Most of the Piutes were
not endowed with much conscience nor
clothing, and were always hungry. FL
naly old Chief Limp-Ieg of the Death
Valley Hussars showed up one dark
night when L was alone at the station.
and catching me off guard he walked i'll.
He was very abrupt Piute and was
generally shot at whenever he was recog-
nized.
Limp-leg said, "Wowr' or something
expressive, and was about to hit me with
his cleaver, when l Iintimated very cleverlv
that [ desired delay, and softly reached
out bottle of whisky. He saw that [
was sociably inclined, consented to post
pone the crisis, and in the interval / got
about four Dig drinks of whisky and
mustard out OF the bottle and into him.
He was not only immeasurably pacified
but was delighted, and he warmed into a
less executive mood. | then opened up
negotiations with him, and told him if he
wouldn't kill me OFT l would make him
mighty big chief.
Without going into details L will onlv
say that at day break / was on a west
bound freight train with two beaver
skins and live prairie dog, and Limp-ieg
had bill OF sale for the station and hotel
including both the old lady and key.
L learned later that Limp-leg took pos
session and carried Off or burned up
everything but the hotel cellar. The
chief told me before the trade was con-
summated that he had plenty squaws,"
wherefore l am in doubt as to the fate of
the land!ady, but 1 hope it was settled
without much controversy. SQUINK.
The man who rides a hobby ALWAYS
wants the whole road to himself