Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-07-06
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laushable
Phases of Human Nat.A~a Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Dayf
Sprinkles of Spice.

Is TT wise for locomotive engineer
to stop to think?-Yonkers States
man.
COME to think of it, isn't the par
rot sort of a hooking bird, too?-
Buffalo Courier
II sometimes helps us up in the
world to fall in with the right man.
-Bosto Courier
THE professional base ball player
leads hit or miss sort of an exist
ence.-Troy Press
THE enterprising dentist is never
appalled, at running against snag.-
Boston Transcript.
In the game of life it's the nom
paying tenant who gets the most
moves. Buffalo Courier.
SOME people imagine that they de-
serve months rest every time they
do right. -Galvesto News.
"WHY do they call one-horse vii
lagos hamlets?" because they are
so melancholy. "-Harper's Bazaar.
The yeast cake may be a conspicu-
Gus example of early rising, but it is
invariably followed by a big loaf
Lowell Courier.
THE man who insists that his pas
tor must have more religion than he
is willing to have is not on his way to
heaven Horn.
The man who never made a mis-
take III his line breaks his record
when he begins telling anyone about
it. -Somerville Journal.
IT is all right for man to insist
on having his own way if he would
only take it and get move on
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
THAT boarder lacks feeling who in
the landladys hearing begins to talk
of the leather trust when the steak is
brought n.-Philadelphia Times.
cone of de penalties OBJ greatness,
said Uncle Eben, "is ter be specially
conspicuous ebry time yer maAes er
fool Oh yerself. Washington Star.
THE summer girl may equally love
the mountain, the country or the
shore, but of all spots on this earth
she hate freckles most. -Philadelphia
Times.
IT is often saddening to note how
hard it is for some young men to keep
their seats on horseback and how
easy it is in a crowded car.-Wash-
| ingtOn Star.
"YoU are the first girl, Mabel, to
whom / have ever breathed word Of
| love-" What were you afraid of with
the others? Breach of promise?"-
| Brooklyn Life.
AUNT MARIA-And so when the
prodtgal returned, his father killed
the fatted calf. Little Johnny-But
what had the calf been doing?-Bos-
ton Transcript.
FIGG-Do you believe in second
marriages? Fogg-Yes, for women.
A widow is a perennial danger to So
ciety until she is married again
Boston Transcript.
No MATTER how finely the display
window of a store may be. fitted up,
the pretty young lady clerk will al
ways prove counter-attraction.-.
Rochester Democrat.
AFTER an inexperienced man has
roWed a boat for about quarters
of an hour almost any kind of scenery
is good enough for him to stop and
admire -Somerville Journal.
A DOCTOR who advertised himself
as a graduate of two German colleges
offers to attend patients at so cents
visit. He should do fee-nominal
business. -Philadelphi Ledger.
odd you ever get back the UNI
brella you lent ROBINSON" Eyes"
"How?" 81 borrowed it again"
"From Robinson?" mo, from the
man he lent it to"-Albany Journal
POLICE CoMMIssIONER-Otf Mu-
| larkey, you are charged with being
asleep while on post and on DUTY.
Oficer-Not guilty, sir. I was off
post at the Raymond's Monthly.
BLoBBs-"Col Bloodyfeld's old war
traits still cling to him" Slobbs--
"How SOP" Blobbs-"I dined with
him last night and he gave the
| waiter no quarter p Philadelphia
Record.
TUTTER-W hile ] was fishing the
other day / saw two fish come up and
| bite at my hook at the same time.
Jagway-That's nothing. / came
home from the club the other night
| in two cabs. -Lifes Calendar
Il FIND that Brother Linkum has
very liberal religious views, sai0 the
new pastor to one Of his deacons.
"Yes" replied the deacon; Brother
Linkum is more liberal in his views
than in his contributions. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
FOND Observation-Disclosures you
are an angel" Pretty Wife-"I don't
want ever to be an angel" Fond
Hus Pretty Wife
Because / have found that feathers
are not becoming to ME. "-Pittshurg
Bulletin.