The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-08-08
ON SUMMER.
The Rev. Whangdoodle Baxter Makes a
Few Heated Remarks.

The Rev. Whangdoodle Baxter Makes a
Few Heated Remarks.
Teller Citizens-A few weeks more
and den hit will be so hot dat de man
who don't wear a sponge in his hat
will be in danger OBJ sunstroke. In a
short time we will hab such sultriness
in de atmosfere dat you can't help
lubin de man who treats you cool.
Yes, indeed, de wedder will mos
likely be so hot dat you will feel CRATE
full ter de man who gibs,y you "a freezin
recepshun." Yer will chen 'preshiate
ga cold, dull stare"
Yes, berlubbed bredren and sistern,
de wedder will be so hot dat, like de
boy who slid down a pecan tree so fast
dat he barked the skin often his hands,
you will say, II don't banker for no
hotter climb den dis" Heahi yeah!
yeah!
Seeing Matilder SNOWFALL in the amen
corner all cobered ober wild ribbins and
'fshal flowers, l am reminded oh de
fact dat summer am a great time for
engagements. Hits all OWN ter de
fac dat de female sect am more apt ter
be in a melting mood at dat season ob
de yeah.
Hits mighty hard ~predictin per-
zachly de kline OBJ wedder we am gwin-
ter had, but hits safe to say dat if
In June. July and Angus no rain dar be.
very cry summer you'll surely see.
Likewise hits a sweet day when de
mercury is above 80. De good book
says dat hit rains on de just and on de
unjust, but de unjust am ginerally
pervided wild ombrellers, which dey
does not return. Hits early in de sea-
son, but I has already missed my green
silk umbreller and mourned bekase I
found it not.
I has notised dat peoples am fool
ishest in hot wedder. A man will set
for hours in de shade in his offs or in
his house widout vest or coat, but
when he gets up to got out in de hot
sun he dresses up warm in bofe.
What's dat you says, Sam Johnsing9
You wants ter know if etiquette de-
mands a vest in hot wedder2 I isn't
sure, but if etiquette do den she kin
hab mine. I will likewise state for
your special benefit, Sam JcAnsing,
dat etiquette demands dat you keeps
on de outside OBJ de watermelon patches
an de hen roosts, no matter what sort
OBJ wedder am on tap.
Right in de midst oh dis warm wed
der de queshun am bein cussed and
discussed, Am profanity on de in
~crease9" I say dat she am. Day be-
fore yesterday I happened to say in a
street kear, "Hit's darn hot" and den
seein alady in de kear 1 hadn't notesed,
Miss Blanche Pearlpowder, I'pologized,
but she spoke up and said, "Parson
Whangdoodle, yer 'pologize for hits a
blamed sight hotter den dis"
In conclushun, Teller sinners, hit
seems mighty singlar dat folks com
plains oh de heat, and yet dey keeps
right on sinnin wusser den ebber, when
dey knows, for l has done tole 'em,
day am shore to bring up in a place
what's a heap hotter den New York,
whar dar's weepin and wailin' and de
heat am SO obstreperous dat de debble
gibs yer a ladleful of melted lead dat
tastes like ice cream.
OATS de hotel where you disrepent-
ant sinners am gwinter rastle yer hash,
speshially dem what sleeps in church
and disturbs dem what's pantin for de
waters oh life. Uncle Nose, will yer
kindly stick a pin in dat yeller ash cat,
Matilder SNOWFALL, who's snorin in de
amen corner?
AS yore belubbed pasture will hab
ter go to de seaside ter glib his tired
brain a res, I hope de ~collecshun will
be. more copious den las Sunday.
De quire will now sing Rocked In
de Cradle oh de Deep. "-TeEas Sijtings.