Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-08-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Garden truck-The wheel-barrow.-
Truth.
A believer in cold water-The ice.
man.-Truth.
The zebra is the most uncomfortable
of all animals-except man. Puck.
As rule the giant stands pretty
high in the show business. Buffalo
Courier.
The Arab never leaves his home.
He always takes it with him.-Bing-
hamton Leader.
The greatest dead head scheme ever
devised-the Chinese deportation pro-
ject. ct.-Philadelphia Call.
"Did Smiggs marry his wife for her
money!" ''No, it was for her fathers"
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
"Friend-''Well, Psleuth, how is
the detective business?" Old Psleuth
Hooking up."-Chicago Tribune.
It's wise man who keepeth his
own counsel. Yes, but wiser one
who can sell it like lawyer. - Truth.
1t is unquestionably true that some
of the greatest diplomats of the age
are HghtEing-rod agents -. Detroit
Free Press.
The trapeze performers business is
precarious at best. He should always
have some good thing to fall back on.
Troy Press.
A man is always more truthful in
his opinion of his second baby than of
mis- first. Women call it more brutal
-Atchison Globe
No longer well wait
They are here in their glory.
The fisherman's bait
And the sea-serpent story.
Washington Star.
''Colonel Bloodygeld's old war traits
still cling to him" CHOW so?" Il
dined with him last night, and he gave
the waiter no quarter. ."-Philadelphia
Record
Droptin--'' How'd you happen to
call your paper the SUM-" The Editor
1T was started principally to make
things hot for few people Buffalo
Courier.
''Who are those girls playing four
handed pieces on the piano." ''One
of them is the daughter of the hostess.
"And her accomplice ?"- Fliegende
Blaetter.
"Well!" said the philosophic fisher
man, as he drew his line out of the
water, 81 lost the fish, but ! suppose
| am entitled to bait. w Washing
ton Star.
Old Lady (anxiously)--"Does this
train stop at Liverpool?" Guard
"Well, if it don't, ma'am, you will see
the biggest smash-up you ever heard
of. Tit Bits.
"Cholly, dear boy, don't you think
you are taking cold here?' ooh, no;
my man always attends to those things
for me; ; very clevah fellow he is. -
Chicago InterOcean.
"Have you received any pie yet"
said one officeseeker to another. mo,
but I've received provisions of another
sort" ''What sort?" ''Cold shoul-
der. "-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegram.
We went out fishing yesterday,
And fished with care and thought
By night we had splendid mess
Which some one else had caught.
Kansas City journal.
vickars--"Did you hear what
Thompson said about you? He told
me that you were the biggest ass he
had ever met" Wickars-" He told
you that? You?"-IndianGpolis Jour
nal.
The young melodramatist, telling
the story of his play to the manager,
said: GAS the robbers crawl in at the
window the clock strikes one" Man
ager-"Good! Which one ?'-Boston
Globe
"Squibbs is perfectly foolish about
the safety of his baby, isn't he?"
'Why do you think so?" well,
every time the nurse takes the baby
out for an airing there is Il policeman
with her. Amusing Journal.
Spencer ''There is only one way of
getting ahead of life Insurance.
company, and that is to die. D." Fer
guson-' mo, there is one other way"
Spencer What's that?" Ferguson
Don't insure Brooklyn Life.
Papa-''S You let the Maxberry girl
get away with all the class honors, eh?
I am almost ashamed of you !" Sweet
Girl Graduate-"O well, ii | wereas
nomely as she is ] should have gone
in for that sort of thing myself. In
dianapolis Journal
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