The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-08-06

| Ful|er]gNlay
III. YOU have all heard
n USJ OF good signs. Yes,
w t2f1.k OF course you have.
K (~>J--------1It's a good sign when
QKHSH Ga politician refuses a
HI1-1 III tuIep. 1t means he
lIOG doesn't want a minis
Jtership. Some of you
~ have heard Of bad
n - signs. It's bad sign
TIP when Deacon Jones
shores out loud in the
~ middle Of the parsons
exhortation. It means
ne got little too sociabe with the SIM
uay-school Superintendent the night be-
fore, ana they ventured up to the ma
hogany counter one time too often. R,t
the most peculiar sign / ever saw hangs
over a lower Franklin-street establish
meht' where you go 10 get your chin
appendices amputated. II reads some
thlng Ike this: "a Haircut For 1Sc
by Expert White BARRIERS"
NOW, If you have an imagination surn-
GENTLY glowing 10 light a cigarette-I
mean. a cofin-tack-try and fancy II.
Eight expert white BARRIERS removing
ones eilvery locks all at oncel Picture
tnat immense tonsorial staff, some using
the shears some plying razors formerly
utilized for opening oysters, one shining
'em up" while the knight OF the whIsk-
broom stands by welding the implement
with few fancy twiris for which first
class tonsorial establishments put on an
extra nickel! Wen, there's some advan-
In krfr Ill eli
the hair remOyers are said to be "ex-
pert" What o. blessing to find even one
"expert'-not to speak Of eight, all con-
nected with the same concern-in this
hustling, busting nineteenth century,
when every waiter who can look at n
plate without breaking It calls himself
expert and the average boatman at
Rockets considers himself expert"
enough 10 take charge OF Her MaJesty's
navy upon fifteen minutes noticel But
all eight OF the lather manufacturers are
white" so the sign 'sys. Think of It!
white" I'm the technical sense OF the
term meaning that they treat you
white" not that they cake -four on your
face, and call it powder. like most bar
bers. No. no; nothing like that
I'm mighty glad I haven't more than
eight hairs on my Uranium, for | imagine
n fellow would feel "awfully important
to have one barber for each hlament
True. I never had eight experts work.
ing on me simultaneously. Perhaps that
explains my existence, for which, by the
way, I do not mean to offer any apology
10 the public But ! did have two Tex
merits" operating on me at the same
time. They were doctors, with the ex-
perience Of the average travelling vete-
rinary surgeon. was sick. When they
cot through 7 had seven dollars, but no
appetite Ever since that time l MADE
M my mind not 70 permit more IMAM
one expert" 10 work on me AT the ume'
for. they say wings are furnished only
a favored few I'm the other world, ana |
never was as lucky as / was rich paid
NV halifax nearly a month ago. Be-
sides. the door-keeper is said 10 be some
what preiudlced against reporters, police
men and horse jockeys.
In dead earnest. though, there's point
gained In having EIGHT experts When
they saunter IN 10 the chair each WELD
ine, q pair II Notwithstanding shears,
WHY. the delicate fllaments on ones
Uranium naturally stand on end me
experts" have no further trouble. seeF
Richmond merchants are noted for their
enterprise and push. Did you ever think
OF II? There are comparatively few fail
Il
ures in this city, considering Its size. Or
course. I am not speaking OF marriage
! failures. for half the marriages are ran
| ures the world over. Many poor lei
| low WHO has been married four times, ana
/ can't get a suspender button sewed on
/ for the life OF him, Will agree with your
! Uncle Fuller (who has been obllgen 10
remain a bachelor from necessity In pro-
nouncng marriage a failure, even from
a financial standpoint, when bills for
spring bonnets and spring board Tor rather
| board at the springs) come In all at once.
| Why / have a friend who defines love
as "a selfish desire 20 possess what you
| do not need" declares that an engage
ment Is nothing more than the liberty OF
| the press" and looks upon marriage as
an insane desire Of o crazy man TO pay
a womans millinery bills" But I'm get
| ting of the track, after the fashion or a
Broad-street mule car. intended speak
| ing OF the thrift on the part OF some or
! the Richmond merchants. There is one
wide-awake firm that hangs out news
/ bulletin" in big letters with n little clip
ming unreliable from across the street.
Every minute or so a passing pedestrian
hustles across the cObble-stones with his
curiosity all bubbling over to ascertain
that latest news. His lower lip drops as
suddenly and with as much deliberation
as last weeks mercury, when he learns
that "SO-and-so's neckwear IS decidedly
the best in the world" one can see a
number Of Just such Illustrations among
the merchants here.
But the man who keeps certain gro
| cery store on east Main street has dis
| tinguished himself by conceiging an idea
that many a jolly, fat grocerynan would
do we'll 10 initiate. From the very ma
ture of the case he found 1t necessary 10
put q lot Of sawdust on the floor as
sort OF protection, as II were. The bouy-
ant young married ladies. anxious 10 prove
their practical accomplishments TO their
respective husbands by getting up bright
and early and ordering the choicest lay
out" for dinner, began to complain OF
getting their demi-trains very much soil
ed. 1t seems that the expensive adjuncts
TO their gowns swept over the sswdust
and became repositories for every man.
ner OF dirt. Tie enterprising grocery
man determined not 10 lose this line OF
/ customers, but he couldn't think of plan
to remove the difficulty. Finally he de-
clded 10 tack zip In conspicuous letters
this sign: Look out for mice" It's a
very rare thing now when demi-train Is
/ seen sweeping over that sawdust. Nearly
| every one of the merchants fair young
/ customers have either adopted brief PIN
| backs, or they make It rule to lift the
robe above the ankle. Women, young