St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-05-29
THE FOUR HUNDRED.

1
cess forgot to stipulate the acquaintance Of
Mr.. and Mrs. Ward McAllister as one of the
requirements upon which depended her visit
to this supposedly republican country?
Could 1t have escaped her princely memory
or-perish such a base insinuation-can it be
possible that her royal mightship has never
heard of MI. McAllister and theFourHundred?
Away with such a thought! If it be true,
Spain must be more uncivilized than we sus-
pected or dreamed OF. We understood they
had bull fights, queen and grown-up.
married infant, nor was much in the way of
education or general information to be ex.
pected, but never to have heard of the Four
Hundred Such ignorance is unpardonable
outside OF Central Africa Is it safe
to allow the inhabitants of such a
benighted country to run around loose?
Couldn't congress drop the Chinese
question and take steps to appoint number
of competent missionaries to run over to
Spain and convert the aborigines from such
gross ignorance Is it right my friends, for
US, as Christian nation, to allow our Span
ish brethren to continue TO live, or worse to
lie down and die, with absolutely no knowl-
edge whatever of New York's Four Hundred?
| Never to know how the Four Hundred dress.
how they use their forks, how they walk
when they think the proper time TO use the
spoon, how to make an Introduction prop
| erly. how they speak to eoachman. nor
how they think? nope no harm will come
! to me If l have unjustly accused them of
thlnk1ng;" l am aware of the fact that
many OF them do not approve of such
| frivolous proceeding. / think it would be
| splendid idea to appoint a committee to look
into this missionary matter. l might men
| ton Bill Nye. President Cleveland. Dr.
! Briggs and Gov. Flower as an appropriate
| committee.
The Spanish visitors will certainly rue
their mistake, and it is really surprising that
Mrs Cleveland, with her eyer-ready TACT did
| not request a private interview with the
1nfant-strange as it may seem, Spanish
| princesses never become full grown-and en-
| deaYor to rectify her social mistake.
Imagine how impressive would have been
| the sight of Mister Fifth Ward McAnister
trotting down to the wharf to greet her
! infantship, carrying as q small token of es-
TEEN the golden keys and freedom of Mob
dom enclosed IN a Dutch box which his
fifty-fourth grandfather counting back
wards-brought from Holland. Perhaps it
would be we'll to explain here that McAllis-
ter is an aristocratic old knickerbocker name
his ancestors having landed here about the
year IS Annie Dominic. Of course the Four
Hundred would come tagging after him, all
dressed in their Sunday clothes and the new
coat-of-arms with which we have been
threatened. Each member of the exalted
Four Hundred would be accompanied by a
footman bearing the genealogical tree and
pedigree of the family.
$ 5 S
After the leader had made an enthusiastic
speech welcoming such pure-cobalt-blue
blood to these plebian Shores he would offer
his services to superintend Delmonico ball
or an English hunt on Spanish jennets.
Then imagine the lofty Spanish manner
with which the infant would turn to her
suit-princesses only have one suit, sort of
combination garment suppose-and calling
forth my lord of the privy purse, haughtily
instruct him to distribute a few pence
amongst these seemingly worthy people,"
Would the Four Hundred be insuIted? No,
indeed; but what an awful squabble would
take place as each one struggled to annex a
penny thrown by a real, live. full-blooded
aristocrat. Many would be carried helpless
from the battlefield, having come suddenly
in contact with the limbs or branches of their |
neighDors genealogical trees. How impos-
ing would be the bearing of the lucky ones,
as they scampered sedate ly home to prepare
an iron case in which to preserve the sacred
relic for their republican posterity.
SIS
Had 1t not been for the painful lapse of |
memory on the Infanta's part we would now
be gazing in rapt admiration on our Four |
Hundred as they drove to a Spanish bull |
fight in OK carts, dressed in Spanish hats. |
Spanish coats, Spanish mantillas and Span |
ish manners. Everything would have been
Spanish. The Four Hundred ladies would
have blackened their hair and cast languish- |
ing glances from beneath lace head-dresses |
whilst their cavaliers would have gone about |
in sombreros stabbing impossible lovers |
Oh let us sincerely hope that the Four Hun |
dred will not visit their wrath upon the in |
fantas head; faulty education should not |
be treasured against her. / fear the other |
crowned heads Of Europe might consider it |
a personal injury if the Four Hundred |
snubbed the Infanta Eulalie.
S S s
AS l heretofore remarked, we are OIL the !
verge of painful and distressing epidemic !
Not cholera nor smallpox, but genuine |
coat-of-arms scare. The Four Hundred want |
armorial bearings and aristocratic ancestors
AS they certainly have money enough to buy |
anything they wish doubtless the ancestors
will be forthcoming. The knights of merrie
valorous deeds they had performed and their
former occupations. Of course our aristo-
Gratis will do likewise. How inspiring and
artistic will be the bearings of some of our
old families. What could be more elegant
than barouche bearing upon its enameled
door design consisting of q roast turkey
on a green field. with roast potatoes resting
on cook s apron and a cooks cap, for
crest? Amongst the many appropriate de-
vices would be three croWbars, resting on
stone pile, with striped suit in the corner
Then again. how handsome would be a
coupe, bearing as a coatof-arms, a canal
boat. argent, surrounded by green peas, rad
ishes and onions, decidedly rampant; an
other would represent an ancestor of Four
Hundredor driving street-sWeeper with an
ash barrel in the foreground; there will be
the bloody hand isuing from Puritan's cap,
clasping mIndian scalp, and we will know
our brokers by the ragged staff, whaling the
bull and bear, embroidered on their hand
kerchiefs. The pawnbrokers have had their
crest prepared for many years; it looks very
much like a trio of goose eggs. Will the per-
sons whose ancestors have resorted 10 shady
methods to obtain their wealth, have a black
shield with widows aud orphans weeping in
the foreground, and q crow struggling be-
meath a vulture. ! could enumerate any
number of appropriate designs for our prom
inent families but do not intend searching
out armorial bearings nor dragging up re-
mote ancestry free gratis. In only one way
will our coatof-arms show UP better than
the English; we can dispense entirely with
the ''bar sinister E. II. K.
NOTABLE PEOPLE.
Robert W. Duff, the present governor
oE Nn,,r S1.nth Wnlns iS thn fret lrt itInh |