davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
HIS ESSAY ON COLUMBUS.

I'm these Columbian times" said a
well-known Missouri statesman, CT
cannot avoid recalling a story pub
lished in a London newspaper some
twenty years ago, as having come from
a school in the A~i3lanos. The master
told the boys of the third class to write
short essays on Columbus When the
essays were called for, n ambitious
young man handed up a document, as
neal as 1 can recall it, which read like
this:
Columbus was a man who could
make an egg stand on end without
breaking it. The King of Spain said to
Columbus: Can you discover Amer
lea Yes said Columo Gus, If you
will give me a ship So he had a ship
and sailed over the sea in the direction
where he thought America ought to be
found. The sailors quarrelled and said
they believed there was nc such place,
but after many days the pilot called to
him and said: Columbus, l see land
Then that is America" said Column
bus. When the ship got a the land
was full of black men. Columbus
said: is this American Yes, it is
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
THE GRAVE ERROR OF MANY
GIRLS.

Country girls talk of going to the
city for employment and to enjoy more
social life. But more social life is just
what they will not get. The woman Of
business is not a woman of leisure,
and has no time for society She will
find more social life in her own home
than she could possibly have in the
city, and there Is no lOnesomeness
more absolute than the loneliness of a
stranger in a crowd. Salaries are not
large enough to permit much relaxa-
ton in the way of recreation, and after
the days work is over one is too tired
to go in search of enjoyment.
To the country home. in these days,
come the daily magazines, so that one
may keep in touch with the world,
even if she be at one side of the hustle
and confusion of city life. The fashion
article tells her how to dress her hair
and make her gown; gives her the
latest notion in small toilet details.
Few towns are so small that they have
no public library, where all the new
books may be got, and the lecture and
concert are not infrequent. Railways
and telegraphs have brought the cor
ners of the earth together, 80 that one
is never far from the center of things,
There is occupation, too, for the girl
who stays at home, and particularly
for those who stay in the country. Do
not throng to the cities in seach of en-
ployment, for you will be doomed to
disappointment. Make the most of
and elevate the things nearest at hand.
Use them as stepping stones to higher
attainments.-H s, IN Farmers
Record.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
LIABLE TO GO OFF.

The many friends of Miss Dolly Wat
son, of Denver, Col a hitherto much
sought after young lady, are for the
present avoiding her and stunning her
presence, even to the extent of crossing
the street to get away from her. Never
theless, Miss Watson is an object of
great interest, and the community
watches her every movement from
afar. Miss Watson had a lover, one of
the masterful, b utal kind of lovers
that Mr.. w. S. Walsh says women
bow down to and worship. This lovers
name is Whittier, and in one of his
masterful moods he jammed six dyna-
mite caps down his sweetheart's throat
and then hurried away, leaving her to
burst all alone. Miss Watson's land
lady insisted on her leaving the house
at once and gave her q pair Of felt slip
pers in which to go gingerly down
stairs. The physi :ians who have been
consulted disagree as to the result of
dynamite on the young lady's system,
but are agreed that she should main
tain perfect quiet Whittier has been
arrested and is now awaiting the ex-
plosion of his sweetheart. Miss Wat
son is much disturbed.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
H NEEDY.

He was hard up and wanted money
so badly that he finally concluded to
deposit a handsome diamond ring in
the hook shop.
"Can I borrow 800 here on a dia-
mond worth $25O?" he said to the pro-
prietor.
"Lemme see the stone," demanded
the money lender.
It was handed over and examined.
"Well9" inquired the applicant.
81 guess you can have it,"
Thanks. What are your rates?"
"Ten per cent. a month in advance.
That is, 1 take out the interest and give
you the balance"
81 don't care how you do it; all l
want is the money"
"You say you want $1,000"
yes"
How long9"
BLAMED if I know, but a long while,
I should think"
For a year2"
mo, not that long; say about ten
months" and the applicant hummed
81 want a situation" In a low key as
the money lender was making his cal
culation on a sheet of wrapping paper.
That's all right" finally said the
money lender. you a get the ring
when you call with the money"
But where's my hundred2' said the
astonished applicant.
The interest has absorbed it," re-
sponded the money lender, with a
placid smile. Ten months, you know,
at IL per cent. in advance. Didn't you
say you wanted a hundred for ten
months9 l think you did, There's
your ticket. Thanks. Call again,
please. We are always glad to assist
the needy"
The applicant was d4zed for almost
seven minutes, then he walked out and
hunted up a 'policeman.-DetrOit Free
Press.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
THEY LEARNED WISDOM.
But Not Before Misfortune Had Over
taken Them

L&kCu i HE'LL.
A pin and a needle, being neighbors
in a work-basket, and both being idle
folk, began to quarrel, as idle folk are
apt to do.
81 should like to know" said the
pin, what you are good for, and how
you expect to get through the world
without a head?'
"What is the use of your head" re-
piled the needle, rather sharply, elf
you have no eyeH"
"What is the use of an eye," said
the pin, "if there is always something
in it?''
q am more active, and can go
through more work than you can,"
said the needle.
Eyes, but you will not live long, be-
cause you have always a stlch in the
side" said the pin.
"You are a pc pr, crooked creature"
said the needle.
"And you are SO proud that you
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
MORE IRISH WIT.

Some time ago while I was trading
in a village store one of the clerks
came to the junior partner, who wac
waiting On me, and said:
please step to the desk. Pat Flynn
wants to settle his bill, and wants a
receipt"
The merchant was evidently an
noyed.
why. what does he want with a re-
ceipt7" he said; "we new give one.
Simply cross his account off the books;
that is receipt enough.
80 [ told him" answered the clerk,
"but he is not satisfied. You had bet
ter see him."
So the proprietor stepped to the desk.
and, after greeting Pat with a Good
morning, eaid:
You want to settle your bill, do
you2'
Pat replied in the affirmative.
well" said the merchant, thee
is no need of giving you a receipt. S Z,
I will cross your account off the book
and suiting the action to the word he
drew his pencil diagonally across the
account. THAT is as good a receipt"
"And do ye mean that that settles
it4" exclaimed Pat.
"That settles it" said the merchant.
"And ye're shure yell never be
afther askin' me fer it againF"
stWeIl never ask you for it again, >
said the merchant decidedly.
"Faith, thin" said Pat, iii be at
Their kapin' me money in me pocket,
for [ haven't paid it."
The merchants face flushed angrily
as he retorted:
"Oh. well, 1 can rub that outI"
"Faith, now, and I thought that
same" said Pat.
It is needless to add that Pat got his
receipt.-EcchGnge.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
THE COCKTAIL AS A PAC1FIER.
How a Chicago Justice Ordered His
Drinks.

A4
James B. Rowland, of Spokane Falls,
who is staying for a few days at the
Great Northern, was formerly a resi-
dent of Chicago and is here to pay q
visit to old friends. He has been, like
many others, astonished at the changes
everywhere evident and finds that
many Of his friends have been dead
for some tiRae. lone man in particu-
lar whom I had hoped to see" he said
yesterday, 81 find has passed away.
1t was Charles N'Malley, who, pre-
vious to my moving away in 81, kept
a justice shop on North Clark street,
near Kinzie street. He was something
of an eccentric fellow, but made a
good justice and was quite a compan-
ionabIe gentleman. I remember one
of his peculiarities was his manner of
ordering his drinks while his court was
in session. Directly below his court
room was a saloon, and the Justices
bench was directly over tho bar. When
his honor desired a drink, as he did
many times during the long SESSIONS
of the court, he would give three coed
taps on the floor with his cane, and a
whiskey cocktail would be sent to him.
A case on trial in his court on an &C
Casion | remember we'll attracted con
siderable attention in the newspapers,
and many spectators to the courtroom
The attorneys in the case fought each
other bitterly in their way, and 1T was
with difficulty that Justice O'Malley
preserved order. In fac5, he was ur-
able to keep the disorderly clement in
submission by his usual methods OF
humping his desk with his hand, and
in che emergency pounded the floor
with his walking stick. He pounded
the floor three times and then COM
menced over again. When the battle
of the law dispenser and the attorneys
was at its height the bartender ap-
peared, bringing half a dozen cock
tails. The justice was completely non
plused for a moment; then he mOtloned
the bartender to the attorneys. Each
one took a glass; he took one, and,
rising from his seat with great dignity,
he said: Gentlemen, my regards
The party drank, much to the amuse-
ment of the spectators, but the liquor
served as a ~peacemaker and the case
con tinued with more than the usual
| equanimity."
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03

can't bend without breaking your
back"
III pull your head off if you insult
again."
"IIl pull your eye out if you touch
me; remember your life hangs on a
single thread, " said the pin.
While they were thus conversing a
little girl entered, and, undertaking to
sew, she very soon broke off the needle
at the eye. She then tied the thread
around the neck of the pin and at
tempted to sew with it, but pulled it's
head off and threw it into the dirt by
the side Of the broken needle.
"Well, here we are, said theneedle.
I'VE have nothing to fight about
now" said the pin. ct seems mis-
fortune has brought us to our senses"
GA pity we had not come to them
sooner, ''said the needle. "How much
we resemble human beings, who quar-
rel about their blessings till they lose
them, and never find out they are
brothers till they lie down in the dust
together, as we do."-N. Y. World.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
WOULD NOT ASK MORE OF HIM.

81 have withdra wn from ouah anna
teur acting club" said Willie Wash.
ington.
"Why7"
81 couldn't stand it any longah, you
know. I was cast for a william, and
Miss Pepperton was the heroine and
she vas to say: VILLAIN DO youah
worst"
THAT was easy"
"Y as; but Miss Pepperton wouldn't
repeat the words. She said l had
already done as badly as any one
could reasonably expect. Washing
ton Post.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
A CRUEL MAN.

Mrs. Gadder-The dinner isn't quite
ready, but it will be in a few minutes.
Mr.. Gadder-All right. By the way,
I said to Mr.. Prompt today: "What
do you say when your wife had been
gadding about all day and hasn't the
dinner ready7" And what do you
think he said?
Mrs. Calder, blushing furiously-
What did he say9
Mr., Gadder-He said: My wife
doesn't CAD about all day, and she
always has the dinner ready"
Mrs. Calder breaks four plates and
two cups while setting the table,
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
THE DETECTIVES DREAM.
Followed the Clue It Gave and Caught
the Man He Was After.

A4C OIOWeQ the Clue It GaVe ana NAuSnC
the Man He Was After.
"Do you believe in dreams7" asked
Tom Hall of Conductor Mitchell.
81 sleep too sound to Dream" was
the reply.
well, I never had much confidence
IN them either, but I had an unusual
experience one time that has almost
made me a believer. A number of
years ago, when I was in the secret
service, l had searched the country
for a murderer. His home was in In
dlanapolis, and he had relatives living
here, but I could never get any trace
OF him. One night l came to Indian
apolls and remained here two weeks,
stopping at the Spencer Houze. I
tramped this town from one end to the
other and had about given up in de-
spair.
lone morning I got up rather early,
and asked the clerk to take a drink
with me, This he did, and then I went
to breakfast. For breakfast we had
bacon, and I never enjoyed anything
80 much in my life. After breakfast I
strolled out, and made my way down
Washington street and along up the
cannal. There was one house that at
tracted my attention. 1t was built in
an unusual way, the Notwithstanding
being put on perpendicularly. In a
building next to this house I saw the
man I wanted, and just as [ reached
for him I6woke. 1t had been dream,
but so natural was it that [ could actu-
ally taste the cocktail I had drunk
with the clerk, and the bacon I had
eaten for breakfast.
"When I got up the clerk and I Gid
take a drink together, and we had
bacon for breakfast, justas it occurred
in my dream. I went down Washing
ton street and along the canal. There
I saw many things that I dreamed
about, but I could not find the house
with the perpendicular weatherboard-
ing. I saw a building located on the
same spot where my dreamhOuse
should have been, and while I was
looking at it a man came out. I recog-
nized him as an old acquaintance, and
we had quite a long chat Of course
not explaining to him the business 1
was on.
I'm the course of the conversation l
learned that the mother Of my man
lived next door to this house. In an
hour or two I came back and went in
to see her. To make a long story short,
[ learned that her son had joined the
regular army and was stationed cut
here at the arsenal. There l ar
rested him. He was tried, convicted
and was sent over the road and is yet
serving time for his crime. The Clew
1 had secured as to his whereabouts
cameto me ina dream. "-IndiandpoEiS
No7gS
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
IT WORKED.
Hold up them hands!

Hold up them hands!
The train rObber held his revolver
pointed at the head of the only pas
senger in the car who had not complied
with the stern command.
Hold 'em up! he repeated, or I'll
blow the whole top O yer head off!
1 would if I could, quietly replied
the pale but self-possessed passenger,
looking down at his empty sleeves
but 1 haven't seen them for nearly
tw~enty-nine years. I left them on the
field of Gettysburg.
Off came the hat of the murderous
villain, and there was a huskiness in
his voice as he said: I beg your par
don, sirl I wouldn't hurt a hair of
your head for the whole United States,
and passed on to the next man.
You look young to have been a sol
der in 1868, said a fellow traveller after
the robber had cleaned out the train
and gone.
Met replied the other. I wasn't 10
years old in 1868. Inever saw Gettvs.
burg. l was born this way. But I'm
ahead about $3.50 on this little game.
And the Armless Wonder of the
Wabash deftly took a gold watch out
of his vest pocket with his toes, noted
the time of day, and said he guessed
the train would be an hour late at the
dinner station and he was getting
mighty hungry,-Chicago Tribune.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03

malignant to de revulsion. Now, Brud-
der Watkins, yo' sot down. Stay
down. Doan' let me see yo' bob to de
surface fur de mex two months. I
doan' know whether yo' killed dat
pore, strange niger or not, but if he
still Ibis an yo' run across him yo' want
to ak his forgibness an help him to find
a job. De meetin will now break in
two an go home"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03

said they. L suppose you are the mig
gers3' Yes they said, we are;' and
the chief said: Il suppose you are
Columbus7' You're right said he.
Then the chief turned to his men and
said: There is no help for it; We are
discovered at ast.""-St. LOUIS Re
public.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
HOUSEHOLD.
FRIED POTATOES.

ERlED IO1A4OhO.
Boil some potatoes; when done, peel
them. and set them away to get cold.
Then chop them up fine, and add pep
ner and salt to the taste. Flour them,
and fry in hot lard. They must be
brown. Some add a little vinegar just
before they are taken out of the pan.
MILK GRAVY.
One pint of good sweet milk and two
teaspoonfuls of white flour to each pint
of good milk. Dissolve the -four in a
little cold milk, and then stir this into
the hot milk, and mix the whole to-
gether, and let it boil up once; then
Immediately remove from the fire and
serve.
BROILED LOBSTER
A lobster not less than ten and a
half inches long should be selected, and
split in two lengthWise, which in
stantly kills it. Remove the entrail
and stomach. Brush a little butter
over the lobster, and broil the shell
aide first, then turn and brol the
ether. Serve with melted butter. The
lobster should V be boiled and
then broiled.
SQUASH PIE.
One quart of stewed and strained
squash, a scant quart of boiling milk,
two. thirds of a numeg, II teaspoonfuls
of salt, two cupfuls of sugar. Mix
slowly and we'll; when cold add four
we'll beaten egg, and, if n chooses,
two tablespoonfuls of Madeira. Line
deep plates with a plain paste, and
after filling with the mixture bake in a
moderate oven for 40 minutes.
PORTUGUESE CAKES.
Take butter, eggs, sugar and -four Of
equal weight. Beat the butter to a
cream, add the eggs, then the sugar
and at last the -four. Stir half an hour
and drop in little heaps the size of a
walnut, on a sheet iron pan, which you
have slightly busted over with -four.
Take some preserved cherries and
place che in the centre of each cake,
pressing it down to steady it. Bake in
= moderately hot oven.
HASTY PUDDING.
Put a quart of milk in a crock and
set it on the stove to cook. AS o % as
it comes to a boil, sift in the -four, a
little at a time, stirring it well till it is
thick and stiff. Serve with sweetened
cream or thickened milk, made in this
way: Take a piece of butter, size Of a
walnut, one heaping tablespoonful Of
sugar and one of -four. Cream this
together, and pour on a pint of milk.
Let this cook ten minutes. Favor to
suit the taste.
FRIED CHICKEN WIFE OYSTERS.
Clean and cut a young chicken at
the joints into pieces for serving.
Dredge with salt, pepper and flour,
and fry them brown in butter or
chicken fat. Make a cream sauce,
with n heaping tablespoon Of -four
mixed with one tablespoon Of hot but
ter, add gradually n cup of hot
cream or milk; season with salt, pep
per and lemon juice. Cook one pint
of oysters in one tablespoon of butter
till plump. Pour them over the chicken,
and pour the sauce over the whole.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
BLEW A SNAKES HEAD OFF.
A Woman Takes Aim at a Reptile as it
Is About to Bite a Baby.

A Woman Takes Aim at a Reptile as it
Is About to Bite a Baby.
THE prettiest shot I eyer saw was
made by a woman" said Mr.. Lane of
Oshkosh. CT was surveying in Coles
county. Illinois, in 1648, and stopped
for dinner one day at the cabin of a
settler named Junken.
During the preparation of dinner
Mr.. Junken and 1 sat in the shade Of
the { engaged in conversation. A
little tow-headed youngster, less than
a year old, vas playing about the yard.
Suddenly we heard the sharp whirr-r
of a rattlesnake.
FIFTY yards away we saw a big fell
low coiled ready to strike, while within
three feet of it was the child, crawling
straight towards it as if charmed. To
call the baby away was impossible,
and to reach it in time to save it was
equally impossible.
"Spell-bound, the father and I
watched the awful scene. An instant
more al the snakes head darted for
ward. A sharp report rang out from
the cabin door and the RATHER was
writhing headless in the grass.
1.-The baby was quite unframed,
though frightened a little by the loud
noise of the report Of the rife. We
found Mrs. Junken lying in a dead
faint acros the still smoking gun. It
was a splendid shot to hit that snakes
moving head at 80 yards. Youths
Companion.
William Nye, The philosopher, speak
ing of the Salvation Army and its
efforts to down Satan, says: When
they know the great adversary of
souls as well as I do, they will not try
to scare him with a cross eyed woman
Or drive him and his host by beating a
tambourine, and the, landlord. HUI
manity, charity, soft soap, and un
selfshness will do more toward giving
Satan that tired feeling than all the
loud and onion-havored hosannas of
misguided men and bleating women
who seek to harass the host of hell with
a bass drum, while their own children,
with empty stomaches and unlaun
dered noses, weep at home"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
THE BLESSING OF MARRIAGE.

Mudge-I believe marriage would be
a good thing for me.
Yabsley-Of course it would. Lots
of faults would be overlooked then for
the sake of your family.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-03
Poetry
H BAR.

.u.set and evening star,
sHnd one clear call for me!
"a may there Re no moaning OH the Dar
When 1 put out to sea;
at euch a tide as moving seems asleep,
TOO Too full for sound and foam,
whon that which drew from out the boundless
deep
Turn again home.
rviyigbt and evening bells,
l And after that the dark!
ND may there be no sadness of farewells
When l EMBARK;
For though from out our bourne of Time and
Place
The floods MAJ bear me far,
T hone to see my Pilot face to face
l When l have crossed the bar
' Alfred TennySOn.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-02-13
AN IMPORTANT POINT.
Mr. A. 8. Hartweu Declares That
There Is No Opium Law.

In the Circuit Court on Saturday
morning Gen. A. S. Hartwell, as
counsel for All Foo and Ng Chin,
charged with unlawful possession
of opium, moved for discharge Of
his clients on the ground that at
present there is no opium law IN
force. The new opium law passed
by the defunct Legislature takes
effect from the date of its approval,
except as to the provisions for the
Importation and bonding Of opium,
which become law on April l. At
the same time in one section all
other opium laws are repealed.
The section repeating all other laws
is appended.
"SEcTIoS 80. Chapter Xxx. OF
the Laws of 1888, being 'An Act to
restrict the importation and sale OF
opium or preparation thereof and
all other laws and parts of laws in
conflict with the provisions of this
Act are hereby repealed"
Judge Whiting took the point
under advisement.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-02-13
FOOT BALL.
The Great Match to Take Place
on Next Saturday.

AS 'ACaL DAdtCA az 6hC AdtC
on Next Saturday.
The Pacific team was out in full
force on Saturday for their regular
practice the team showed a mark
ed Improvement, and will put up a
good game next Saturday. This
match will be the most exciting
and by all means the most scienti-
fic ever played in Honolulu. Puma
hou will not have a walk over this
year.
The school eleven has been prac-
ticing only two weeks and must
improve on their last weeks work
or they will not have the pleasure
of footing their horns" The boys
are somewhat nervous about the
match because Enerick and Car
ney of the Boston will play with
the Pacifics. They all know how
Carney played with the Charles
tons, and Enerick is to be feared
not only because he plays plucky
and heavy game but because of his
experience and thorough knowl-
edge of foot ball.
The game will be played at the
new base ball grounds, and the adj
mission will be % cents.