Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-09-07
sprInklcs OF Spice.

AhiA OCCdh bItdht'S CUulG III swell
and grand and go out broke. Plea
yune.
Do NOT be a minnow. Take the
world for your school, Galveston
News,
The prize bull is generally unap-
proachable In his particular field
Troy Press
JAGsoN says he has no objection to
foreign air If it is disinfeCted. Ell
mira Gazette.
THE street-paver isn't far wrong in
characterizing his work as beneath
him. Buffalo Courier.
INQUIsITIvE PARTY - Whose fu-
neral is this? Irish Undertaken
Mine, sor Texas Siftings
ALMOST everyone who can't sing
was at one time member of a
church choir. -Atchison Globe.
"DD you see that shocking straw
hat De Slips is wearlng?" ayes; an
other Panama scandal. Puck.
JAGsoN says that the fellow who
keeps whistling "After the Ball"
ought to get it, -Emira Gazette.
"Do YOU use condensed milk?"
"Guess SO. The milkman can put a
quart Of it in pint jar Puck
ONE disagreeable feature of gam
bling is that man has to meet so
many chance acquaintance. Troy
Press.
TEACHER - Define gentleman
Boy-A gentleman is growed-up
boy wot used to mind his mother. -
Good News.
MANY show their teeth when they
grin, but few grin when they have to
show them to a dentist.-Philadel-
phia Times.
IT is singular that so many banks
should be swamped when the people
have so thoroughly drained them
Lowell Courier.
CHE is fippant. He can't be seri-
Gus if he tries" eyes, he can. He is
very serious when he tries to be fun
ny" Brooklyn Life.
JONES (eading-The Worlds Fair
- Browne (bitterly)--Don't be-
lieve it. 1t hasn't treated me that
way.-New York Times.
The fly that the spider wove a web
for was not so very fly after all. He
was curious about the weaving, and
got taken in. -Picayune.
The thoughtful man never mails a
letter with a new Columbian stamp
on it without wondering if it will go
for two cents. Elmira Gazette.
A NoMADIC RACE. First floor
How many servants do you keep?
High hat-None, but we have no
end of 'em as casual visitors, Puck.
FIRST ACTOR lin tragic Whisper
Are we quite alone? Second actor
(glancing grimly at the small audi
ence)-Almost New York Weekly.
THE active dog-catcher often
catches it most severely when the
woman who owns the dog catches
him at his little game. Swansea Ga
zette.
GERMANY will now have bigger
standing army than ever. This is
due to the Reichsrath not sitting
down on the tax. - Philadelphia
Times.
SHE-I can't see any sense in call
ing them my sailing shoes. He
Well, notice you make about twenty
knots an hour to keep them tied
Inter Ocean.
The WAITER (as Wigley started to
leave)-How do you like my button.
hole bouquet, sir? Forget.me-nots,
sir. Thank you, sir. Goood-morning,
.-Pick-Me- Up.
RoBBINs-I'm just back from Chi
cago. Dobbins-Really, old fellow,
I'm sorry, but Pm so tied up fnan-
cially that 1 can't lend you d cent
Philadelphia Record.
LATE jewellers singing "Theres no
place like home" always stop their
melody just before they get there, and
creep upstairs in their stocking feet.
Boston Transcript.
ALTHOUGH as a rule the girls are
no admirers of stinginess, when the
right fellow comes along few of the
fair ones object to certain degree OF
closeness, Buffalo Courier.
CHARLEY-So, jim, you were ex-
travagant enough to pay 500 dozen
for your handkerchiefs. Don't you
think that was a good deal of money
to blow in?-Columbia Spectator.
IRATE but polite person (who has
just taken away an umbrella from
the social pest in front)-Permit me,
sir, to return your umbrella; l found
it in my eye. Worlds Fair Puck.
at was awfully clever of baby. He
had never been told what flowers
were, but the minute he saw them
he said, 'Bwobsr" "But what does
'Bwobs' mean?" FLOWERS, of course.
Bazaar.
HE-I often think-at least l some
times wonder-I mean l wish | knew
If you cared for me, don't you know?
She--Oh, but they've got clairvoy-
ant in the next town. Couldn't you
find out?-Boston Budget.
SWEET GIRL GRADUATE" They