The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-11-14
Zeke is Afraid He Couldn't Hold His
Office if He Had 1.-THE Recent
Elections Reform all
on Paper.

Elections Reform all
on Paper.
B.-"Hellol MIR. Editor"
R.-"Hello! Major. Any news this
morning9'
B.-"N thin but bad news. | reckin
1 won't get my eternal revenue office
an if I do 1t won't DO me any guide, fer
[ would be expectlu' the Republicans
ter take it frum me ali the time
R.-''There is no DANCE Of any other
party getting in for three years yet
B.-"You are not on the inside ov
this thing like me. l tell you there Is
danger. So many folks are wantin'
offs that they viii steal 'em or murder
a teller ter git hum cut ov the way. Ii
1 wuz film my revernew offs 1 would
be expectin' sum feller ter cum III at
emmy time with a dynamite bum IN Il
hand an q pistol i'll the other an tell
me yer offs or yer life Then | would
have ter give it up or git killed. I tell
you there are lots ov folks wanCin' re-
lief, an they want II so bad that they
are desperate. Uneasy lies the head
of the ofice-seeker. especially the rev
ernew officer"
B.-"What does Mrs. BIkins think
about the recent eIcctionsa"
B.-''She is 81 mad as a settin' hen.
She says them folks whut voted the
Republican ticket because the Demo
Gratis an Republicans killed silver, are
fools. She says they jumped frum the
fryin' pan inter the fire sartin. /
reckon she is right. Both Old parties
are equally responsible fer the bad
times we are havin' because they both
wurked for the goldbugs IN Congress.
She says the Republican mill owners
have had ter close their mills because
ov the scarcity ov money, but they
tuck advantage ov that ter make tie
idle wUrkmen think it wuZ caused by
the Democrats, sayin' they are goi , ter
reform the tariff. The mill owners are
KILN two birds with one stone. First
they helped the goldbuge terkill silver,
low the ~goldbugs are be!pin' them kill
tariff reform. Say, dc you reckIn the
Democrats are goin' ter reform the
tariff, themselves or anything else?'
R.-"The signs are not favorable.
The Republicans III Congress put the
Democrats in a hole by helping them
to kill silver. Now the Democrats
must either touch light On the tariff or
let it alone entirely. The elections last
Tuesday show that it won't do to O
key with the tariff Of course a new
schedule will be arranged. Coal may
be placed on the free list so King Cleve-
land can start his coal mines in Nova
Scotia when his term as President eX-
pires. But he and those who own coal
mines in America will get together and
fix a high price on coal so the consumer
will not be benefited. The tariff on
trace chains may be reduced one tenth
of one per cent. and raised q whole per
cent. on wooden goods. The tariff on
wool will be reduced so the wool man
ufacturers can buy their wool cheap,
and the high rate on wooden goods will
enable them to sell their goods high,
thus making a big thing at both ends
of the line. The Democratic tariff
schedule will differ with the Mckinley
bill in one PARTICULAR will be
higher"
B.-"Yes, 1 see. So long as the
%plutocrats can get the people to stay
divided on the force bill an other tom
foolery they will never give any re-
form. The past twenty years proves
this all to the satisfaction of any per
son who has any sense at all. l
wouldn't give three cents for all the
reform this administration will give
us. It So no better than previous ones
RI am like the Irishman who
heard tha5 an acquaintance was dead.
1t proved to be a mistake, and on meet
ing the acquaintance alive and we'll,
Pat said: Yes may not be dead, but
l would rather behave the man who
told me than behave ye.' 1 prefer tc
believe the man who says there will be
no reform"
B.-''You are right. Reform OF
paper has erbout ruined the country
now. Good bye"
SOME PUMPKINS.