The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-07-11
zRKR BILKINS.

4%tAI II
He Thinks of Packing Ice Around Betsyif
the Weather Gets Hotter--Get-
ting Relief---A New
Catechism.
.B.-"Hellol MI. Editor"
R.-"Hello! Major Bilkins. Is it hot
enough for you9"
B.-"Goeh! Ireckon it is. I've bin
purity nigh as hot fer a few days as I
wus the time IdreamedI went to hades
and found some ov the members ov the
last legislature walkin' around with
their ~overcoats on complainin' that it
was too cold fer them"
R-"Then you didn't think it was a
cool place7"
.B.-"Not by a jugfull. There is one
blessin' in this hot weather-it keeps
Betsy quiet. You see she weighs erbout
$780, She sits and fans from mornin' to
night. If it gifts much hotter 1 will
have to pack ice Ground her ter keep
her frum meltin'. Has anybody else
got relief yit2'
R-"Only two cases have been re.
ported. Roberts, of the Lincolnton
Courier, has got a 81, o job. ]. s.
Bell has been relieved by Kope Elias.
He gets $125 per month in the
revenue. service. Bell is now one
of those red legged g-rasshoppers
that were so obnoxious to Democrats
In Western North Carolina while the
RAIDS were in power"
B.-"TeI Capt. Octave Coke to hurry
along with his State banks. We are
living on promises now, an they, are
sorter like confidence, they will give
out pretty soon"
R-"Capt Octave says that a great
campaign will be made in this State in
the fall in favor Of State banks. We
suppose lecturers will go around rep
representing the Democratic party
carrying samples of the banks and
money, like the Alliance lecturers, and
that they viii fool the people"
B.-"Well, if they get at this game
we will call a special session of the
legislature and repeal their charter.
They shant use money fer partizan
purposes if [ can help it. Say, I've got
up a new question book sorter like the
catechism the children get at Sunday
school. Ask me a few questions an
I'll show you how it runs.
R-"WelI, who is the wisesG man7"
B.-'John Sherman. He lays down
a rule in finance fer both the R9publi
can and Democrat parties. 1t takes a
smart Teller ter run two parties"
R.-"Who is the oldest man9"
B.-"Capt. Sam Ashe."
R-"You must be mistaken. He ap-
pears to be less than 80 years old. The
Oldest men now living are more than
1OO."
B-'I can't help that. He has done
SO many things, started so many re
forms an has bin fer so many different
things that he is bound to be about $50
years old He a be a prosperity
shrieker and a calamity bowler all in
one day, but be couldn't be so many
things in less than $50 years"
R.-"Who refused a dozen positions
under the government in two months
because of appreciation in value9"
B-"Major Bill Robbins"
R-"WhO slew four hundred jack
rabbits with o beer bottle in one nightG
B.-"Col. F~airbrother, of Durham"
R.-"Who is the biggest crank9"
B.-'Sterling Morton"
R-"Name the two greatest living
fishermen"
Borrower Cleveland and Capt.
w. B Ke8drick."
R-"Who is the the meekest man?''
B-"John L Sullivan"
R.-"Who is the ugliest mang"
B.-"John j. Ingalls,
R.-"Who is the handsomest man9"
B.-"Col. @. T. King, of Atlanta"
R.-"Pretty good catechism. You
may be mistaken about some of the
men you name, but mistakes can be
overlooked when people are rich and
happy and the great and only party
has a chance. Prepare for Christmas
oil the year after Congress meets"
B-"Ill tell Betsy that an you will
wish you had never said anything
about Christmas. Good bye"
Think Of us. We are needing funds
a0ith schich to pag running Expenses.
We need, at once, eUery cent that as due
ae We hna.e hoona nnntSona4 ell 4