The evening herald. [volume] (Shenandoah, Pa.) 1891-1966, 1893-11-04
CHAPTER XVI

"Ctot any vaseline?" said the bad boy
TO the grocery man as he went into the
store one cold morning, leaving the door
open, and picked up a cigar stub that
had been thrown down near the stove
and began to smoke it.
"Shut the door, DUN you'll Was you
brought up in sawmill2 You'll freeze
every potato in the house. No, haven't
got vaseline What do you want of
vaselineY said the grocery man as he
set the sirup lleg on a chair by the stove
where it would thaw out.
"Want to rub it on PAS legs" said the
boy as he tried to draw smoke through
the cigar stub
"What is the matter with your PAS
legs? Rheumatic"
"Wuss nor rheumatic" said the boy
as he threw away the cigar stub and
drew some cider in a broken tea cup.
PA has got the worst looking hind legs
you ever saw. You see, since there has
been so many fires Pa has got offul
scared. and he has bought three fire es-
capes made Of rope with knots in theln,
and he has been telling us every day
how he could rescue the whole family in
case Of fire. He told us to keep cool
whatever happened and to rely on him.
If the house got on fire we were all to
rush to Pa, and he would save us. Well,
last night Ma had to go to one of the
neighbors where they was going to have
twins, and we didn't sleep much, cause
Ma had to come home twice in the night
to get saffron and an old flannel petit
coat that ! broke in when l was a kid,
cause the people where Ma went did not
know us twins was on the bill of fare,
and they only had flannel petticoats for
one.
PA was cross at being kept awake
and told Ma he hoped when all the chill
dren in Milwaukee were born and got
grown up she'would take in her sign
and not go around nights and act as
usher to baby matinees. Pa says there
ought to be a law that babies should ar
rive on the regular day trains and not
wait for the midnight express. Well,
Pa he got asleep, and he slept till about
o'clock III the morning, and the blinds
We're closed, aud it was dark in his room,
and had to wait for my breakfast till l
was hungry as a wolf, and the girl told
me to wake Pa up, so | went up stairs,
and | don't know what made me think
of it, but l had someof this powder they
make red fire with in the theater that
me and my chum had the Fourth of July,
and put it in wash dish in the bath
room, and touched it off and hollered
fire. was going to wake Pa up and tell
him it was all right and laugh at him.
/ guess there was too much fire or |
yelled too loud, cause Pa jumped out of
bed and grabbed a rope and rushed
through the hall toward the back win
dow that goes out on a shed.
81 tried to say something, but Pa ran
over me and told me to save myself, and
got to the back window to tell him
there was no fire just as he let himself
out the window He had one end of the
rope tied to the leg Of the washstand,
and he was climbing down the back side
of the shed by the kitchen with nothing
on but his nighJshirt. and he was the
] horriblest looking object ever was, with
his legs flying and trying to stick his
toe nails into the rope and the side of
the house. 1 don't think man looks
well in society without nothing on but
his nightshirt. didn't blame the hired
girls for being scared when they saw Pa
and his legs coming down outside the
window, and when they yelled 1 went
down to the kitchen, and they said a
crazy man with no clothes but a pillow
slip around his neck was trying to kick
the window in, and they run into the
parlor, and l opened the door and let Pa
in the kitchen. He asked me if anybody
else was saved, and then l told him
there was no fire, and he must have
dreamed hewas in hell or somewhere.