Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-14

MANY girl who marries for leis-
ure repents in haste. --Elmira Ca
zette.
THE late Gulf storm has been a
terrible blow to the South. New Or
leans Plcayune.
The doctor who will discover a
remedy for fits and starts may treat
the world. Galveston News.
NEARLY every boy determines to
whip a certain school-teacher when
he grows up. -Atchlson Globe.
WHEN public man has lost his
grip he will not do much hand-shak-
ing with constituents, -Siftings.
THAT beats me-" the drum said
conadentially, referring to the rose
wood stick. -Somerville Journal,
The long-term convict isn't much
of believer in the theory that life
is evolved from cell. Lowell Cou-
rier
If we all turned out as well as the
professional bouncer there would be
fewer failures to record. Buffalo
Courier.
"YoU think you are cutting a dash?"
as the driver said when the horse
kicked in the front of the buggy
Siftings.
WHILE discussing a cheaper article
1t only adds insult to injury to call
big gas bills a light aflliction. Phil
adelphia Times.
WHEN the Congressional orator
loses the thread of his discourse, he
has no difficulty in spinning new
one.--Plain Dealer
ADO YOU pay for poetry" asked the
author "We do, replied the editor.
Zach poem costs us six subscribers.
Detroit Tribune.
KIND PARTY-"Why are you crying
like that, my little boy?" Little
Boy "Cause it's the only way
know how. Vogue.
"COPPER" very quiet and sluggish"
Market report. He is merely SET
thing down for his accustomed nap.
Philadelphia Ledger.
WHAT lot Of labor would be saved
if the sweeping giances we read about
would only take the dirt from car
pets. Buffalo Courier
FRENCH judges were wont to make
very cutting remarks to felons whom
they condemned to death by the gull
lotine.-Lowell Courier.
: JACK--I declare, if Miss Sears isn't
getting gray! Jess-No wonder, poor
thing; she has had so much trouble
to conceal her age. Puck.
A CONGRESSIONAL row is always
permitted to blow over" That seems
to be about the only way it has of
getting Over.-Plain Dealer.
JAGsoN says the man who declares
that he will forgive but can never
forget has never tried to mail his
wlfe's letters. -Elmira Gazette.
Miss SINGLEToN-"I never expect
to marry" Miss Sateful--"But you
know it is the impossible that always
happens. Boston Transcript.
A SAILING yacht is a thingof beauty
when flying before a wind, but it be-
comes tame when crawling behind it
and beating its way. --Picayune.
what lovely bachelor apartments
BOwser has!-but they say he has
strange doings there" ayes; 1 fancy
his room is better than his company.
Puck.
THE unskilled printer finds little |
consolation In the fact that his efforts
always receive marked attention at
the hands of the proof-reader. Buff
falo Courier.
PEOPLE who think it is wicked to
play cards are apt to do one thing
that is worse to entertain guests
they bring out the family album. -
Atchison Globe.
DoCToR-"I would advise you to
take a walk every morning before
breakfast" Sappy-"But, Doctor, 1 |
uhS hVNOA bOU up uuUlA dlUcI DW0dk- |
fast, y'knOw. Tit Bits.
HYGIENE is making itself felt in |
the land. In his composition one |
boy writes: "Girls can't run and hol. |
Ter like boys because their diagram is
squeezed. Boston Traveller.
HE-"I like the room, and perhaps |
I'll hire it, but l hope no one in the
house plays the piano." Landlady |
-"Only my youngest daughter, and
she only just beginning. "-Fliegend
Blaetter
PRISON MISSIONARY - What are
you in here for, friend? Convict
(bitterly)-Just for missing train.
Nonsense. "No nonsense, sir. l
missed train for Montreal. y
Brooklyn Life.
well" said a facetious stranger
to a member of the brass band, there
is one thing for you to be thankful
for" "Vat IS dose?" inquired the
musician "You can always blow
your own horn" "Nein, my friendt.
Dis cornet is borrowed. "-Washing-
ton Star.
Long Has She Reigned.