Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-03-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A fixed star-The wealthy actor.
No man can tell how much it would
take to make him rich.-Ram's Horn.
What the college freshman doesn't
know he talks about.-Elmira Gazette.
A horse, strange to say, feeds best
when he hasn't a bit in his mouth
Truth.
It doesn't always follow that shaking
an acquaintance rattles him.--Philadel-
phia Times.
A slay belle-One OF the King of Da-
homey's Amazonian warriors. New
York Journal.
It does seem little odd that good
'.trusty" grocer rarely succeeds. s.-Cleve.
land Plain Dealer.
Lecturer-"What is dearer to man
than his wife2" Bachelor-"Her jew
elry."-Jeweler's Weekly.
When an old crank spoils the slide,
the small boy doesn't feel like saying
peace to his ashes.-Puck.
What the solar system needs now is
good stringent law for the punishment
of vagrancy.--Kansas City Star.
One of the hardest times to love an
enemy is when he seems to be prosper
ing like green bay tree.-Ram's Horn.
No charge to florists for this advice:
If you would have your plants start
early put them in spring beds.-Lowell
Courier.
''How can become ready converse
tionalist2" ''Persuade yourself that you
have chronic disease of some kind. =
Buffalo Express.
ssYou are beneath my notice." as the
land owner remarked when he found the
tramp asleep under his sign "No tres
passing. Comic Cuts.
First Thlef-"What do you do when
YOU can't pull the wool over jewelers.
eyesG" Second Thief-"Throw pepper
in em."-Jeweler's Weekly.
Tommy-"Say. paw7.. Mr.. Figg-
"Well" "When hole in the ground
is filed up with dirt what becomes of
the holea"-IndianapolIs Journal.
Jagson says there are two reasons why
his servant girl cannot succeed in this
! world and they are because she hates to
get up and dust. st.--Elmira Gazette.
Martin-"How well Miss Greenbough
keeps her agei" Mrs. Grinder-"Why,
of course; nothing would induce her to
give it away. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Reggie-"Van Harding has been ex-
| fha rlrt,l
"Whya" Reggie-"He was getting too
beastly bwainy."-New York Herald.
Oh, take the telephone away,
Its trials greater grow,
For all you hear and all you say
Is that one word .Hellow
Washington Star.
Judge-sHave you anything TO say
before pass sentence on you" Prisone.
-"No, l amt got any time ter waste
talkin' ERE. 1 want ter goI"-Pick Me-
Up.
A man who is rough and awkward at
everything else will show delicacy aud
skill greater than any woman's when he
has to patch a torn ten-dollar bill.--
Atchison Globe.
The Brilliant Spirit of Repartee: !:
She-"It is reported around town that
we are engaged" Hell have heard
worse things than that" She-"I never
have" ."-Life's Calendar.
Miss Ann Gulaw-t'I wish you would
tell me how you manage to keep your
dresses in such pretty shape" Miss
Plumpette-"Simrly by wearing them,
dear. indianapolis Journal.
| "Don't you think" the mother said
proudly, ssthat her playing shows a re-
markable inish9" EYES," replied the
Young man absently; "but she was q
long time getting to 1.-THE jury.
Watts-"Did you ever cat any pos.
sum7" Grogan-"Oi niver did an
niver will. Oh hov no use for baste
that wud dhrop the o from the name oil
him as the 'possum has."-Indianapoli.
Journal.
.sMrs. Migg's children look 50, reg.
lected, poor things; is she away3" "No;
she is spending her time writing those
beautiful articles, 'How to Make Home
Attractive for the Children. '"-Chicago
Inter Ocean.
Tuff Muggs-"So you got clear o
that larceny charge, eha Must "a had a
purity smart lawyer" Barryl Howes-
ssNaw. He was regular chump. Only
charged $25 for clearin' me. - Indian.
apolis Journal.
Importunate Borrower--"But have
family to support, my dear fellow. .
Unwilling Victim-''All the more
reason, my dear fellow, for your not try.
ing to hold up all your friends. Kate
Fields Washington.
"Ullol" said the messenger boy.
"Ain't you workin' no more. kidf
"Naw," said the ex-officeboy, "I amt
; Pm on a strike. Der walkin' delight
came around an said we wuz to gil
double price fer lickin' desc new stamps,
or 90 out. An l went out. '"-Indisn.
apolis Journal.
Little Flory-"Would you mind let
ting me PUT your ring in the bath tub o
few minutes2" Mr.. Pridee--"Wnat
fort" Little Flory--eSister Madge said
last week she knew you'd put your ring