davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT.
SOME READING THAT WILL EXCITE
RISIDLE FACULTIES.
Mag Knew How to Help Him Oot-
An Exasperatins MGn-Who Their
sweethearts Arc-Wanted Bonnet
to Match.

A certain youth had apparently been
making himself offensive to a certain
young woman. and another youth had
taken the young womans part to the
extent of punching the first youth in
the eye, knocking him down, jumping
on him and then kicking him. After it
was all over an old gentleman took
the victor aside and said:
Il admire gallantry." a..
"Wot's that!" asked the victor.
Il say l admire gallantry. / saw you
60 to the defence of that young lady"
Shes my ga" explained the youth.
Your grip
Yep. We've been training together
for six months"
'Training?"
I'm her steady company. Seer
"Oh, yes, yes of course. That made
you all the angfier when you saw this
fellow annoying her"
"Annoyin her! Mister, you don't
seem to catch on. I've been layin' for
this tow-hcaded dude for most month,
cause l don't like him. See? He sor-
ter rifles me. An Mag, she don't like
him, neither. But couldn't get near
to him to smash him. he wouldn't give
me no reason to do it, an Mag, she
says: III fix him. I'll jest get him a
firth an then you can step UP an
smash him for flrtin' with your gall
Awful smart gal, Mag is. So she toys
herself out an goes out an catches the
gilly's eye and gives a sort of razzle-
dazzle, an that gives me the chance /
want an | comes up an asks him
what he's firtin' with my girl fer an
bifTs him one In the eye an then
jumps on him an squares up fer all
the time I've been waitin'. Great girl.
Mag is. She knows how to help a
felloer out when he's dyin' fer a chance
to sWipe one Of these yeller-shoed
skSteS. Chicago Post.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

at thirty-two inches, should equal
252,458 grains. The same act fixed
the standard troy pound at $500
grains and the avoirdupois pound at
1000 such grains troy. At the same
time the gallon was made to equal
ten pounds avoirdupois of distilled
water; the capacity of the imperial
gallon thus became 277,274 cubic
inches, representing 10000 grains.
A cubic foot Of water was reckoned
to weigh 81, pounds avoirdupois.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
Who Needed the Rest.

A congregation had presented their
minister with sum Of money, and
had sent him off to the continent for
a holiday. A gentleman just returned
from the continent, meeting a promi-
nent member of the congregation, said:
"Oh, by-the-bye, met your minister
In Germany. He was looking very
well; he didn't seem as if he needed a
rest"
No. said the member, calmly, ut
wasna' hum, it was the congregation
that was needin' q rest. London It'd
Bits.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

SOMETHING is clearly wrong with
the parity between the market value
OF husbands and wives. A jury has
awarded a wife $10,O for her hus-
band killed on the Pennsylvania rail
road, and young man is estimated
at such high price that a woman
who did not get him has sued for
$4,000 damages for breach of prom.
Use OF marriage. On the other hand
q tennessee husband has sold his
wife for 80 cents.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

WE read with scarcely tremor OF
horror that 10000 men were killed
by the cal thquake in Persia recently.
And perhaps it is providential that
death and suffering which happen at
Q great distance from us fail to move
US; otherwise, in this age of cables
and daily papers we should be pass.
Ing through the throes of sympa,
thctlc horror continually. 1t may be
better that we should relieve nearby
sorrow, which we can mitigate, and
noe worry about distant sorrow which
we cannot help.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
In Paris the owners Of a doc wbio-

In Paris the owners of dog which
:, bit man. who subsequently, died of
shydrophobia, are now being prose.
cuted by the authorities on charge
OF manslaughter through careless
ness. This is the first case OF the
kind, and its result is being anxious
iy awaited by thousands of proprie-
tors OF dogs throughout France who,
In case of conviction OF the defend
ants will be called upon to bear a
new and heavy burden of response
bility.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

A UTAH murderer seven years Of
age has been sentenced to fifteen
years in the reform school. He had
taken his shotgun and picked play
mate off tree with it. When, still
on the threshold OF life he shall
emerge from confinement and look
about for maturer operations, it will
Dc interesting to know what he will
DO. But thoughtful person would
ask to be excused from viewing The
matter from the standpoint OF man
up tree.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
GREAT BARRIER REEF,
ohe OF the Marine Wonders of TIL
Australian Coast.

ono OF the Marine Wonders of this
Australian Coast.
One of the wonders of the world Il
the great barrier reef of Australia
Inns stupendous rampant of coral
stretching In an almost unbroken line
Ior l,2lO miles along the northeastern
coast of Australia, presents features of
interest which are not to be equalled
IN any other quarter of the globe.
Nowhere is the action of the little
marine insect, which builds up with I'M
tlrlng industry those mighty monu-
ments with which the tropical seas are
studded more impressive; nowhere are
the wonderful forces of nature more
apparent. BY n simple process of ac.
cfetlon there has been reared in tho
course OF countless centuries an ada.
mantlne wall, against which the gigsn.
no pillows Of the Pacific, sweeping
along an uninterrupted course of sew.
eral thousand miles, dash themselves
in Intellectual fury.
Enclosed within the range of its nro-
tectlng arms is calm inland sea
oo,OoO square miles in extent. dotted
with a multitude Of coral islets and
presenting at every turn objects of
interest alike to the unlearned traveller
ana the man of science. Here may be
witnessed at one hundred different
points the singular process by which
the wavy gelatinous living mass hard
ems into stone, then serves as a collect
ing ground for the fotsam and ietsam
OF the ocean, and ultimately develops
an island covered with a luxurious
mass Of tropical growth.
Here, again, may be seen in the se-
rene depths of placid pools extraord-
mary forms of marine life, aglow with
the most brilliant colors and producing
IN their infinite variety bewilderine
sense OF the vastness of the life of tho
ocean.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

1T must be comforting to earth.
quake-shaken people in Quebec to
know that in the opinion of Sir Will
lam Dawson, the Can adian geologist,
the disturbance came from a giving
way in the rocks at the junction OF
the laurentian and silurian forma-
lions. 1t always soothes distraction
and alarm to make the cause OF it
unintelllgible. The shake would
seem great deal worse if it's cause
were known.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
An Entirely Different Case,

II am not expecting any package"
said the lady of the house.
This the number" persisted tho
driver of the delivery wagon. looking
at his book again. Names Higgins,
amt it,"
"Yes." H. PA
mo. 374W
That's our MEMBER
"Then it's for YOU y
II think not. 1t must be a case of
mistaken identity"
mo, mum. It's a case Of BEER
Chicago Tribune
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
Sure to Drive Him Mad.

Miss Womanola--I have hit on a
great scheme for an ad
Manager-What is it?
Miss Womanola-I'll be bitten by
q mad dog.
Manager-But where can we get a
mad dogP
Miss Womanola-That's easy. We
can use the dog we try our new plays
on.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
One on Hicks.

Some people are much more fortu-
nate in their marriages than others. /"
sneered Hicks. That's the only rea-
son why / don't consider matrimony n.
failure"
You are very right there" said Mrs.
Hicks. Here is our own family you
got me, but II only got you"
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

NO man can attend properly to his
business" observed Jinks sententiously,
IF he doesn't keep straight"
Excuse me; you saw a man quite
recently who can" returned Blinks. !
II did? Where, pray?"
Sat the variety show"
"Oh, did I? Who was he?"
Why, that contortionist felloww-
brakes Magazine.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

Ii Miss Helen Gould be not driven
to marriage in self defense, it Will
not be the fault of the gosslps. She
has been reported engaged to al
least four men in the last six months
She has. however, many OF the
characteristics of her father and will
not confide her intentions to the
pubic until she 'gets good and
ready.n
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
Appreciativc.

Wool-What's the matter with your
eye?
Van Pelt-Tried to convince an Irish.
man that a four-leaf clover was a
shamrock.
WOOL thought the four-leaf clover
brought good luck?
Van Petit does; didn't l get away
alive?
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
Tho Knowing Mall.

"Of what do you think my heart
is madee" asked, in a sentimental
way, fat and thrice widowed man,
as he helped himself to fifth rib OF
roast sucking pig
"Of three parts stomach and the
rest love Of change replied tartly
enough the bright waitress. as she
passed him the apple sauce.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
A Worll,s Fair Relative.

First Chicago Woman-Well, the last
OF my worlds fair relatives has gone
home.
Second Chicago Woman-Was he n
near relative?
First Chicago Woman-Yes; he is nv
husbands brothers first wife's mother'a
son-in-law.-Judge.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

A CHICAGO woman has filed 8
petition in court to have receiver
appointed to take charge of $3.50
diamond. She needn't have gone tc
court about it; there are ..slathers'
OF good men lying around town ready
to take charge of tho diamond and
the woman, too, without further for
mality.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
PIocIIE,
NEVADA.

The five Central American re-
publics are trying to consolidate
under one government. 1t will be
easier to carry on one revolution
than to keep five going all tho time.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

COLLEGE students are trying, by
exacting pledges, to prevent cheat
Ing at examinations. The exact
value Of q pledge from one whose
principles permit him to cheat has
probably not been established. The
plan seems much like putting upon
honor people who lack the quality
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

a GLANCE at the ensanguined foot
ball fields OF the country leads the
average man to wonder why there is
80 much gubernatorial activity in
the prevention OF the mild and
gentlemanly prize fight.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

Mr. VANDERBILT has started on n
yachting cruise that will last ten
months The expenses of the yacht
are $40, 900 month, but little
thing like that doesn't worry Mr..
vanderbilt Moreover it is q sooth-
ing reflection that the middle OF the
boundless ocean is the one place
where cranks of an acquisitive mind
do not flourish.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

BECAUSE Washington farmer
could not marry particular girl he
willed her his money and then blew
nls head Of. Evidently he thought
ner excellence Of Judgment entitled
70 recognition.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
What He WINS.

Scene on the deck of a mail steamer
at sea. Esthetic passenger Ito old
salt-Can you tell me, my good man,
the name Of that fine bird lowering
about?
Old Salt-Thats halbatross, sir.
+. P.-Dear me! Quite rara avis.
Q. S.-Dunno, sir. I've always heerd
1t called halbatrcss.
u. P.-Yes, yes my good fellow, but
l call that rara avis just as / call
you a genus homo.
o. =. Indignant Oh, do you? Then
[ calls that a halbatrc SIS, just the same
as ] calls you a blooming humbug.-
lid Bits.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

iHn fashion Of arising in tho
morning and announcing that
memory has become q blank is rain
Ea3 diiflla luzs Y. QnI3lagi ". :. Hasata.,
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
Natures wonders.

Swipes-Say, Chimmie! I wuz out in
dc country yesterday.
Chimmie-Wha'd yeh see dere?
Swipes-Lot's O. grass what Won
didn't have to keep off'n.-Puck.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
ca use and Eject

May-Don't you think that Miss
Golightly is perfectly charming?
Mamma-It struck me that she was
"a little bit giddy.
May--Why, mamma, she moYcs in
the best circles.
Mamma That accounts for it.
Moving in circles will make anyone
giddy.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
Tho Weight Of a Pound,

The act OF parliament of June,
lsz, IN fixing the weight Of the i'm
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21
The Way Clear.

fweddie-What would you say II r
should ask you for $40?
old fellow. 1850 ~ ofoEcs
Fweddie--Then I'll nsk vo,, 10,
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

Growing Place Always.
The Saunterer has washerwoman
who is an interesting creature In her
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

pened to meet Katy on the street. ~
"Good morning, Katy" eaid the 'sarn-
terer.
Katy made a courtesy
1.-THE top O. the mornin' to re-" she
answered.
Where have you been this morning,
Katyr
''To the cimitery, yer honor, and oh!
1t would amuse you to see how tho
rlace has growed. boston Rlss-N*
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1893-12-21

AsqSv: RNja9'a z2a 4 lpi9t -Ypan Won y.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-09-11

the September I'd, races in Homo
lulu.
At Makawao last Saturday after
noon the reds won in the polo
game.
By the way, in a recent San
Francisco Examiner there's a pic
ture of w. z. A. Brewer of San
Mateo mounted on his polo pony
"Poi." Mr.. Brewer was formerly
a member of the Makawao Polo
Club.
E. r. Biven makes his debut to-
day as auctioneer. He is selling
at SpreckelsviIle all the household
property of Mr.. and Mrs. Albrecht.
At the concert in the native
church at Haiku last Saturday
night there was an attempt made
at negro minstrelsy.
Weather-The governor of Maui
might greet his confreres of the
other islands with the remark, otis
long time between rains" Very
windy today.
Maui, Sept. 9, 1893.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-09-11

Are you going to keep up
with the times and have your
House lit up by Electricity,
or are you going to keep
right on in the same old rut
and burn OIL simply because
you have grown use to the un-
comfortable heat, the strong
odor, to say nothing of the
danger from EXPLOSIONS, and
bother Of cleaning and filling
your lamps, ordering your oil,
etc.? Which is the easiest, to
have a switch at the head of
your bed and turn on a l6c.p.
lamp when the baby begins to
talk politics at A. NJ. or to
get up, fall over three chairs
and pull off half the wall Or
naments feeling for the match
safe and then be told, just as
the lamp is well lighted, to
"please put out the light,
baby is alright now ?"
In a few short months the
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-09-11
THE FRENCH ROYALISTS.
The Recent Elections REGARDED
as Their Death Kneu.

The elections in France have re-
suited in what is considered a very
sweeping victory for President
Carnot and his republican consti-
tuents. One of the most peculiar
features is the fact that the Pa
mama canal scandal has seemingly
had not the slightest effect upon
the elections. Many of the mem
bers reelected were among those
openly accused. Delahaye, who
made the original charges, and
boldly backed his accusations with
proofs was defeated. Reinach, SON
in-law of Baron de Reinach, was
reelected.
The socialist movement has not
developed anything like the
strength granted to it by the repub-
licans themselves. The great soci-
alist victory is the election of
Humbert, the president of the mu-
nicipal council.
AS Clemenceau said in speech
opening the campaign, the mon
archist party has been corpse for
some time. The only difference
the election has made is in forcing
upon the leaders the conviction
that they cannot masquerade IS
monarchists biding their time un-
der the disguise of republicans.
It is not easy to understand why
the republic should have swept all
its adversaries from the field at this
particular time, when men who
represent republicanism have only
just escaped defending themselves
against charges of corruption. 1t
indicates great shrewdness in Car
not and his advisers, or curious for
bearance on the part of the French
people.
Re-ballots will have to be taken
in 155 districts. The results of
those re-ballots will undoubtedly
mostly be favorable to the republic
cans, whose gains now reach total
of sixty-three seats. The MAORI
ties given to the several ministers
in their respective districts aggre-
gate nearly $4,000 more than their
combined maJorltIes when standing
for election to the chamber of 1889.
In the last general election the Bou-
langists returned thirty-five mem
bers. At this time they elected only
three. .--s.---' -
Inc de1esan s OF the royalists is
rcGssittiising much significant comment,
and it is predicted that it means
the ultimate extinction of that par
ty. The departments of Vendee,
Finisterre and Loireinfreure, hith-
erto strongholds of the royalists,
have been wrested from them by
the republicans, who are jubilant
over the gains they have made.
Several newspapers publish this
classification of results of the
French elections
Republicans, 312; socialist radi-
Gals and socialists, 80; the ''ral,
lied" 13 conservatives, 56.-Wash-
ington Star.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-09-11
SATURDAYS Cricket Game.

The cricket match on Saturday
was between sides chosen by Vice
Captain A. r. Hatfield and Mr.. w.
Gardner, and resulted in victory
for the latter's team by nineteen
runs. Rev. V. H. Kitcat, in his
score of fourteen "not out" as we'll
as in the style in which he con-
Quoted his share of the bowling for
his side, gave very fine exhibition
of cricket. Messrs. Gardner and
Hulgate made their scores of twenty
and fourteen respectively in fault
less manner. Appended is the
score:
A. r. HATFIELD's SIDE. RUNS.
A r Hatfield, b Gardner ............. l
Rev V II Kitcat, not out............ IA
NJ Brasch, C Logan, Gardner....... 4
w l. Stanley, and b Gardner. o
F Laws, b Burnside ..................... 0
w Edmondson, b Gardner. 100000. .
@ Lishman, b Burnside................ U
EXtras..-..-.... ..,......"....,.....
Total........, ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. 81
w. GARDNER's SIDE. RUNS.
w Gardner, Soper, b Kitcat........ 20
G. Burnside, b Hatfield..................
G Hulgate, b Kitcat NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. IA
r Auerbach, b Kitcat. ....,. 3
w Soper, not OUT. l
E Crick, b Hatfield. ......... ......... 6
D Logan, not out."...... ......... 100000. O
ExtraS.."...... L
Total $3.50. 40
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-09-11
Hawaiian
Electric
N .er,-
company

will be able to furnish all the
Light and Power the City of
Honolulu will require, and, as
we now have some six large
wiring contracts to begin on,
as soon as the Australia gets
in with a big lot of assorted
wire, we would call the atten-
ton Of those wanting ELECTRIC
LIGHTS in their Houses at an
early date to the advisabilty of
having the wiring done soon.
AS only a limited number Of
good house wire men are to
be had, contracts for wiring
will have to be taken up in
turn in the order received.
After the Australia gets in
we will have a complete line
of everything needed to wire
any building, including Elec-
troliers, Brackets, ETC., and a
large assortment of plain and
fancy Shades.
~Leave your order ear
ly and have the satisfaction of
having your House ready for
the lights when the current is
turned on from the New Sta
ton now under way.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-09-11

The Guide will be mailed 10 any paTi q
the islands for "a Cents per Copy.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-09-11
Choice Carrier Birds.

SIP A FLOCK OF SIXTEEN
~ homing Pigeons for sale. Six OF
E& them are imported birds, the
balance were bred here. Inquire at
GAZETTE OFFICE.
346S-6t 1494-2t
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1893-09-10
A. o. U. W.

The Jurisdiction Of Pennsylvania and
West Virginia shows net gain In
mem bership Of &C for July.
One beneficiary certificate was issued
in August to Herman Lodge, No. a; two
TO Welcome Lodge, No. G, and one to
Reliance Lodge, No. IS.
The order has made net gain In the
past twelve months eff 2s,402 members.
Brother Robert NJ. Hanshaw, a mem
Der of Welcome Lodge, died at Burton,
w. Va, on Thursday and was buried at
Grafton yesterday. Deceased Welcome
Lodge No. 6, August IL, 1892.
We are glad TO state the committee
on the celebration Of the 25th anniver-
sary Of the order have gone TO work In
earnest. They met on Thursday night
in A. o. U. w. hall, and decided to re-
port In favor OF street demonstration
and outing at Mozart Park on October
eth.
Notwithstanding the organization OF
new lodges in this city Welcome Lodge
still holds its own in the matter oi
bringing in new members, several ap
plications being received at their las
meeting. Two candidates were also In
itiated, one in each degree. An enjoy
able time was had under head OF "goot
OF the order"
Massachusetts takes the lead thl'
time with a gain OF 279.
There were 323, 147 members In geot
standing in the order on August 1st.
A. O. u. w. buttons, the latest anC
best, only soc, for sale by Brother VIM
f. Weir, halter aud mems furnisher
opposite the REGISTER office.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1893-09-10
AFFAIRS IN HONOLULU.
walker and Sinclair Acquitted - A Re
storation story

VANCOUVER, b. c., September o.
The steamship Warlmoo arrived yes
terday afternoon from Honolulu and
brought the following Adyices. dated
August 81:
On the 25th Walker and Sinclair,
who were arrested June 2s FOR couspir-
acy, were acquitted OF the charge, the
jury standing 9 to 3.
John +. Bushs daily paper, Rdlco,
reports positive advices from Washing
ton that Cleveland and his Cabinet are
only waiting TO complete from Mr..
Blounts report the evidence OF tho
Queens overthrow by Minister Stevens,
when orders are TO be issued for her Inn
mediate restoration. Bush's correspond
ent is known 10 be his former colleague,
Caesar Celso Moreua. The objects OF
these reports Is 10 keep together The
Queens adherents and by fear OF her
restoration prevent the natives from
Joining the annexation clubs,
Since Admiral Skerretts domonstrs-
ton OF his readiness TO maintain order,
nothing more has been heard OF dyna-
hitting the city or OF overthrowing tho
government by force.
The Hawaiian Star, yolcing major
ity OF the annexation clubs, Is demand
ing tho removal OF royalists from The
public Offices, and has published n list
OF such who are drawing government
salaries. The Advertiser counsels mod
GRAFTON, aud q few changes viii prob
ably soon bs made.