The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-06-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

Time will change everything but q
counterfeit dollar.-E ElnairG Gazette.
All work and no play makes the gir.
with piano popular next door,
BtnghanltoS Leader.
"He's an ideal ladies' man." "But
he never says word" Precisely"
Detroit Tribune.
after ALL" murmured the artist,
perhaps the ideal figure has a dollar
mark in front of it, Washington
Star.
The world is full of people who are
rich merely because they could not
sell out when they wanted to- GGlUes-
ton Nea0s.
Every man "has his influence" but
sometimes has hard time to find it
when he is in a hurry. Cleveland
PiGindedler.
One of the poets says we can't live
without cooks, and many ladies say
they can't live with them. -Philadel-
phid Times.
Champagne probably got its reputa-
tion as high-toned drink through GO
ing so much into good society,"
fdlo Courier.
She--So you're fully determined to
marry her, are you? He--Absolutely.
She-H'm! Don't you ever feel sorry
for herP-Detrott Tribune.
PlaYwright-What do you think of
my play? Truthteller-I beg pardon,
but it is not calculated to provoke
thought. Boston Transcript
-Bingley's wife doesn't prove
to be all that he fancied she was. Bee
Very likely; he got her at bargain
counter.--Bostoas Transcript.
If haste is the mark of weak mind
there is reason to believe that the
average errand boy is profoundly in
tellectual-W Washington Nes0s.
"a little change of heir" remarked
the old man as he altered his will, cut
ting off his nephew in favor of his
typewriter. Philadelphia Record.
Boggs-Do you think that a man
can serve two mastersp Henpeck-
Well, sometimes; he may have wife
and a grown daughter. you know
Puck.
When girl allows fellow to put
his overcoat on without assisting him
it is a sign that she doesn't want him
to come back any more.-Atchison
Globe.
Jaspar = Women have very poor
memories. Jumpuppe Nonsense!
You step on woman's train at a ball
and see how long she'll remember it.
Truth.
Profe ssor-For anatomical reasons,
women cannot stand as long as men.
Young lady-I guess you never saw
woman having dress fitted.-N. Y.
Weekly.
Biggs-That's a rather pretty girl.
Is she well-informed? Boggs-Well
informedP She works on the private
house circuit in a telephone exchange.
Troy Press.
She-So she married that bald-head-
ed old scamp! Why, I heard he had
been blackballed at every clubin town.
He-That's why he married; for q
home.-LJe.
Dobbs-I never saw such a man to
exaggerate as that man Brown is. He
overdraws everything. Boobs-Yes,
sir, even his bank account.-Detroit
Free Press.
The engaged girl is seldom known
by the company she keeps. AS rule
he doesn't get thoroughly acquainted
with her until after they are married.
--Bufato Courier.
Wife-I have just been to the dem
lists and had tooth drawn. Husband
(heaving q sigh) Lucky tooth! 1t is
now beyond the reach of your tongue.
De So6renaesG.
II wish," said the embarrassed-look-
ing man, who had tried to dance,
shat it wasn't so hard to catch train
at the depot and SO hard to miss it in
ballroom" Washington Star.
Collector-Mr. Trager, will you sub
scribe towards the decoration of the
soldiers gravesP. Mr. Trager-No,
sir! The men whose graves want to
decorate amt dead yet.-Lye's Calefs-
dGr.
Jackson met man on the stree
Yesterday who reminded me of you
Jenkins-Is that SO; howp Jackson
He, too, has owed me SO for more
than MONTH Broaontng, King d Co. ;
Monthly.
Mrs. Snooper (reading)-A New
Jersey paper mill has produced shee
of paper six feet wide and seven mile
long Snooper-For some ice dealer t
make out bill on, / suppose. = Genera
Manager.
Wife Qaughingly)-There are som
excruciatingly funny jokes in thi
paper about women going shopping a.
day and never buying anything. Hus
band (hotly)- Yes, but they're lies.-
NJ Y. HceEiy.
Tramp-Say, mister. don't you wan
to give me something to do? Mer
chant-You! Nonsense; what can yo
do that would be of the least value t
mep Tramp-Well, I'd move on for
dime. -Harper's Weekly.
He--Bwethah Chawley has th
bwain fevah and we cawn't find
nurse high or low. She-Sit up wit
him yourself. There is no human
possibility of your catching the dis
ease.-Detroit Free Press.
Stuart-Did Senator Prosieghma
look much exhausted after the cor
clusion of his two hours oratiou
Snarleigh-No, not person in the Ell
tire audience showed fewer signs {
fatigue than he:- Brooklyn Life.
Northern lady-You attend church
of course? Matilda Snowball-Nc
mum. uster belong ter de Blue Ligh
Baptist tabernacle. but l has quit a
dat foolishness, and now l is a cor
frmed acrostic.-TeGas Siftings.
Wickwire-I tell you, Yabby, m
boy, there's nothing like baby t
brighten up mans home. Yabsle
Yes, have noticed that the ga
seems to be at full height in you
house at almost any hour of the nigh
-QuipS.
Hicks-The Rhode Island court
have decided that the father has th
legal right to name the baby. Whs
do you think of that? Mrs. Hicks
/ think Rhode Island is about I'll
smallest State in the Union. = N.
Times.
Says Uncle Mose: I'D des like I
know why it is dat church has I
hab spiah stickin' way up in de al
fer people to find it, an beer saloo
kin do a big business down in a bas
ment in back street. "-I1dianapoI