The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-09-08
VARIETIES,

"A judge called at the village store,
designing to make the purchase of a.
few nackeral. Several friends were
in, who knew that he had become
good temperance man, and were will
ing to joke him little The store
keeper Joined in the sport, and begged
the judge to take little of something.
What will you have, Judge? Take
anything you like" The judge look
ed round, as if in doubt what to choose,
take Il macKeral" Helping himself,
and was not invited to take anything
there again.
A Christian minister once stood
transfiXed with stonishment at the
princely liberality of Glasgow mer-
chant. Noticing his evident amaze
ment, the merchant looked at him
with a shrewd twinkle in his eye, and
said with characteristic Scotch hu-
NOR and in his broadcast Doric: when
a cam tae Glasgae Wi twa or three
Jacob. of all that Thou shalt gle
Inc | will surely gle the tenth unto
Thee A haze got ahead O Jacob
the II 90; a gaze as God prospers me-"
"A boy twelve years old being the
important witness in a lawsuit Que of
the lawyers, after cross questioning
him severely, said: Your father has
been talking to you and telling you
said the boy. Now" said the law
Yer, Gust tell us how your father told
you to testify We'll" said the boy,
modestly, ''father told me the lawyers
would try and tangle me in my testi-
mony but if | would just be careful
and tell the truth could tell the same
things every time"
An inebriate was coming along an
avenue of trees by moonlight, and
stumbled against one of them. Being
polite, though drunk, he raised his
hat and stumbled against another
tree, begged pardon, muttered some
thing about his own side of the road
which he could not keep and stagger-
ed forward. Then he stumbled
against another tree and apologized
again. "This won't do" he murmur-
ed, ''too many people coming this way.
| will just sit down till this procession
has passed by"
Where does digestion begin?" said
IL W UlIc ObIlcI
day, and he added: absolutely on
the plate, where food is cut into prop
err morsels After that, between the
what u horrible notice that was on
the lawyers door, Gone to dinner
be back in five minutes ~
If we don't take time to chew our
food, we become dyspeptic, and if we
become dyspeptic we are liable to be-
come wicked.
"A Dutchman, reading an account
of q meeting came to the words, 1.-The
not define the meaning of the latter,
so he referred to his dictionary, and
felt satisfied. In a few minutes a
friend came in, when Hantz said
'Dey must have very hot wedder
dere in New York. | ret an aggount
of a meet we're all de people had melt
ed away"
BE not too anxious to give away
yourself, to wear your heart upon
your sleeve. 1t is not only unwise, it
is wrong to make your soul common
property, for you bring the delicate
things Of the heart into contempt by
exposing them to those who cannot
understand them. If you throw
pearls before swine, they will turn
again and rend you.
Don't throw away your old over
shoes. Sink them in some waste of
waters or bury them in some unfre-
quented place. Old rubbers boiled
over make rubbers which are pleasing
to the eye, but which will kick through
at the toe in week. Your duty to
your fellow men demands that you
prevent other people from wearing
your cast off apparel.
-Parson Whangdoodle Baxter
''Sistah Snowflake, yer shouldn't go on
dat way about de def OBJ yore late
husband. Remember how much bet
ter off he is now he is dead. Oats
meant as a disreproach for me. Is
dat de way you consoles de widders
and orphants Git out niggah, fore
l scalds youn' retorted the dusky
widow.
Two well known clergymen lately
missed their train, upon which one of
them took out his watch, and finding
it to blame for the mishap, said he
would no longer have any faith in it.
But said the other, isn't it ques-
ton, not of faith, but OF good works ~
-"Wurra Wurra ~ groaned Larry.
bad luck to the day was BORN
Here's thin banks all Dustin up an
me not got a clint in amy wan av 'em.n