New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1893-01-20
HISTORY AT HEMLOCK HOLLOW.

Not all j. peace and happiness this COLUMBIAN
ycar Not TO all have the Investigations touch
ing thos, grand old navigators who came across
the Atlantic in their high-h"elcd ships and found
us-not TO all OF these investigators has III" SUD-
icct brought joy In lcmlock Hollow H., Tor
instance as We learn from a dispatch IN an IN
oianapolis newspaper blood has been she'd over
tho inquiry n to who discovered America any
how
Icmlocl, Hollow, il seems las a prosperous
,lcbatin. club which meets weekly IN the SCHOOL,
bousc The subject for last wcrk was stated
thus: "Rc.olycd. That .his country was dis
covered by christopher Columbus. Squire Hap
GOOD was appointed 70 uphold this nowse startling
idea. while young Mr.. Todd, q student OF The
Elucblo-som Academy. was chosen 10 COMBAT th'
notion Tho \ iuirc opened the debate calmly, but
Enthusiastically. by remar,ing that mp TO WICK
before he hal never heard tho fact that Colum-
bus discovered America questioned. Buf inN"Su-
cation had shown him that il was 50 that GER
tain cranks ard fools, not 10 call them by stronger
terms had set up the idea that some Norwegian
nitrate had first seen America. This was an age
Of sccpi icism. and he presumed that somebody
would vet doubt the account concerning george
Washington and the cherry tree. He hal even
heard that a man in Peoria was questioning the
auNlhaDllliy OF pINullnh po'hAN'S ii WV ""'" ~
,hc moon. lie considered all this sort of thing
nnscttling 10 the mind OF youth Indeed, lie
thought il. "a hc had read in Chicago paper,
time 70 call lalt. If Columbus didn't discover
America what was hc doing in these parts in
1902? But even supposinG, rs these Jack-icg
writer's said that some Scandinavian did get lost
in this ncighborhooh and America found him, what
did /. amount to? Even the wobblc-minded
claimed that the stray
outlaw stayed long enough TO show that he
couldn't sound Il" and inquire the nearest road
20 Norway II was il Deacon Cndcrhills dog
should go ont IN the woods and look I'D into n
free and bark n coupe Of times and then go home
and crawl under the kitchen stove While BILL
Bassctt's dog went out and brought the coon back
in his mouth The first dog was the Scandinavian
tramp, the second was Columbus; but he pre-
sumcd that II this thing was TO happen these
onc-horse writer's to whom he had referred would
push forward the claim in their idiotic minded
way that the first dog caught the coon. Squire
ITapgood then sat down and swept his brow with
a red bandanna. while Young Mr. Todd arose.
Mr.. Todd looked around for n moment and thrn
,lrcv n roll Of manuscript from his coat-tai'
pocket lie hoped. he said, that his venerable
opponent. while talking his back teeth loose in
defence Of an mpostor. had saved enough strength
10 listen TO some remarks founded on common
ecnse The whole aim of man ought 10 be To ar
rive at Trul Shall error be f)stcrcd' Ont
upon it. said Mr. Todd. 1t was time TO apply
higher criticism TO history. lIis agcl opponent
would do better 10 stick 10 dark-oi-thc-moon pota-
toes and leave questions demanding thought 10
minds not ravaged by the decay Of time America
was discovered by Left Ericsson several hundred
years before Columbus was born. lie knew what
he was doing, but couldn't stand the rigors OF
tl,e New ENGLAND winters, 20 vert back to Green
land When it. comes to being lost continued
Mr. Todd this man Columbus Didn't know which
way was from him the day before h" got To land
lie was an adycnturer and dead beat. anyhow,
but the speaker would give him credit for one
thing. and that was this That IL he could have
forescon that an old Anticipated fossil like his
'rodd's able opponent WIS going TO get up and
make a pitiablc exhibition Of himself about him
(Conmbusl that he weuld have sailed back and
told Ferdinand and Isabella that he coul Int find
ANYTHING hut salt water and nying-iish. Mr..
Todd sat down, but right here, it appears, the
trouble began.
"A warm dispute followed" says the dispatch,
=" and finally lIapgood struck Todd over the head
with a large school globe We know not if he
struck him with Siberia or Northern Europe, the
home of Left Ericsson, but we are told that
"1odds head crashed into the globe and fur
Their, that Todd butted Iiapgood and Knocked
him over"-his head, we fancy. was still in the
bowels of the earth, the Squire may have been
hit by India or the South Pacific. Anyway, the
unfortunate Hapgood was confined to his house.
at the date Of the telegram, while Todd, after
having his scalp sewed up where it had been cut
by the Jagged coast of Norway, was arrested and
lodged in Jail. Considerable excitement exists, y
concludes the dispatch, and more trouble is
feared, as the people have all taken sides
We regret, Of course, 10 hear OF this difficulty
at Ilemlocs Hollow, but great historical qucs-
tions must be settled, and no doubt the people
there are willing 10 sacrifice Il reasonable amount
of blood 10 that end.