The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-03-11
THE PHRENoLoeIsT.

The othur day the editors ivur was
bad, or he had the tuthake, or he had
bin seein an amatoor poit, or sumthink,
30 he kalled me ''idjit." This made q
deep impreshun ON me. was hornted
with the idear that p'r'aps l RELY was a
idjit, and had horribel vishuns of bein
shut up in u loonatic asylum by my re-
lashuns, SO as they should revel in my
welth-s'pposin l should ever have eny,
you know. amt got none at present.
So thort would go to frenologist
and have my bumps xamined. II he told
me was idjit, determined to put an
end to my most miserabel life.
Naturally, havin SO much at stake,
was in state of fear and tremblin wen
/ entered the frenologist's room, wich
was hung round with lot of kold look
in heads with no hare on, and sum skulls
all picked clean.
The frenologist. who was a big man
with an enormous bump on his stun
mick-a sort Of trade sine, Is'pose-and
an oily smile and buttery tung sed to
me, .Wot are yu prepared to pay for
faithful derlineation of yure karacter,
sir?'
notis that wen / go to pay eny
muney they always 'sir" me; on othur
okashuns it is simply ''boy" or ''yung-
STIR"
"Wot are the charges?" arsked.
"They range from wun shillin to wun
quincy" he answered.
''Thats long range" remarked. "a
htching range, amt itf"
The frenologist spre'd a littel oil over
his face-snliled yu know-and said,
"Yu have the bump of humer strongly
developed SIR"
Wunderful, wasn't it, that he should
kno that before touehin my head?
"For quincy" kontinued the frenol-
ogist, Il kan tell yu the kind of feemail
wdt would make yu u suitabel wife, and
the best kind of food for yu to eat"
'"The thing is, kan yu also supply the
wife and the food for the guineyf' !
arsked. .r
81 see, SIR" he remarked Cmore oiD,
s'yu are keenly SARCASTIC; but, to KUN to
terms The shillin fee is merely for a
short verbel statement of yure karacter;
for five shillin's I will give yu long
ritten derlineation."
"Eny diskount for casl,:' asked.
Certainly noti No rerdukshun wot-
ever; newer give credit. l must say.
sir, you are very kareful over muney
matters" ,.s SO - ahh ~
81 don't kno wot yu mene," sed,
feelin rather offended 1--WE always feel
offended wen purson ses sumthink to
us and we don't kno wot they mene(. II
pay my way" s
"Oh, yes, sir, kno yu do" he in
ter'upted hurr'edly. "I kan see yu are
strictly 'onest;I ownly meant that yu
don't waste muney."
.''I aksept yure apology" / sed stiff1y.
! "Wot du yu give for harf crownr'
'sThe same as for FIVE shillin's, ownly,
of corse, not sich full derlineation, sir"
II see," sed; ''for harf a crown yu
give about harf crown-not the hole
head"
''Sharp-yery sharp he murmured.
s'Im afraid, SIR" l sed, mornfullike,
'''it amt eny use havin my head 'xamined,
becaws I'm hornted with the friteful
idear that I'm idjit."
"A idjitp he reclaimed. raisin his
hands. my deer sir, don't let sich q
ridickulus noshun enter yure mind for
wun moment. l kan assure yu that yu
have very brite intellect. Now kindly
sit down on that chare, and Twill kom-
mence operashuns. How much did yu
say yu was prepared to pay-fve shil-
linsT"
mo, thanks" replied, movin t'ward
the door. II amt prepared to pay eny-
think. I've lernt all want to kno. Good
inter- And out bolted, levin the fire.
nologist loolrin perfect idjiti
I've lernt that am humerus, sarkas-
tic, kareful in muney matters, sharp,
strictly onest, and that I aint idjit, and
all for nothink!
I Pritty cheap, konsiderin the usuerl
! price of things, amt it?-Pick Me Up.
lss4 1, The Noble Art Of Self Defense.
Judgeito defendant)- t)-You are here on
the charge Of unlawfully kissing this young
f lady Did she offer no resistancef
|. sDefendaht-N whatever.
= Judge ito fair plaintiff) Ibid you not say
| that the defendant kissed you against your
WHIP n
R5 Plaintiff Yes; and he did so repeatedly.
Judge And did you not kiss him your