Waterbury evening Democrat. [volume] (Waterbury, Conn.) 1887-1895, 1893-07-05
A DARKEY'S IDEAL WIFE.


Didn't Amount to Much Himself bat Knew
what Sort of q Better Half No Needed.
''Haz yer got any stomped antelopes
fur sale here, boss?"
'tStomped what?" said the astonished
proprietor of the country store.
"Stomped antelopes, dat yer put er
letter in, an sem it to de pos ofhce. i
promise Florinda gwine write her er
letter. an boun' ter keep my word"
Eyes, have plenty of those, but who
is Florinda?'
sShe's my wife, boss, or least ways
when get my crap laid by low ter
git er license, an gin her dat entitle-
ment- Ever sense had de Ter grip las
winter, an de Ter manrial fever in de
summer time, rze had er misery in my
chist, an been kin'er poly, thank God,
an need somebody to take keer er me-
SO l dun 'ciCled ter git married.
''Dis comm spring Florinda Jane kin
holp me powerful in de crap. She's ez
likely er han ez-ever you seed in er
cotton patch, en- Square Thomas SEE Of
marries her dat he gwine sell me er
lam ter bull err house on. Dat he kno'
kin pay for it den
81 kinder no count en- triflin like, but
Florinda she kno' how ter make buckle
an tongue meet, she do, Gaze 1 dun seed
her tried. She been married twist
afore dis, do she's err young oman yit;
but she's bin powerful misfortunate.
Her fust husban' got woun' up in err
cotton screw, en- wuz mongreled ter
deaf, and fore she done mo'nin' fur
him, her secon' husban' got sont up fur
eight years fur hog stealin' an udder
devilment. It's a wilder woman dat
gwine marry, yer see."
But what will you do when her sec
ond husband serves his term and comes
home?'
well, dun ranged fur dat, boss,
moight be glad ter gin her up when dat
| time comes, an eff so, l JUS turn her
ober ter him. But eff she amt sickly,
an fin her err likely oman ter live
wild, den fore dat time comes kin
i buy enforcement dockerments- / dun
| 'quired inter de matter, an thirty dol
lars will pay fur all de papers an de
/ pyers throwed in. Florinda Jane got
her bedstead, an chist an four split
bottom cheers, an er bolster, an
| feather bed, an truck er dat kim, dat
IL with mo- en- de papers will cost. 1t
| won't be no 'spense ter me, an puffic-
1 ly willin' eff she suits, ter spen' 1t on
her. don't low ter get married wild
out it's costin' me sumpen. l already
| gin her er 'gagement ring, wild er
green glass set in it, an low ter buy
her er pair err year hobs fur er bridal
present. Yes, sir, want her saterfied,
Gaze l dunno what she wants wild me
no how, fur l amt no likely shakes no
err niger. l s'pose it wuz de ginger
cake color dat tuck her fancy, dat
disinherited frum my deceasted mud
der dat's dead-caze Florinda, she's
Jest ez dark complicated an shiny ez
yore boots. But she suits me to err T.
Il want somebody ter patch an
men fur me, an cook my victuals
done, an she kin fill de bill. Ef she
JUS do her part an mine erbout de
house an raise de chickens an de pigs
an de gyardin' truck, an do de cookin'
an de washin', an splittin' up de
wood an totin' de water, an comb my
ha'r on Sundays, an work in de fiel
Mondays and every udder day when
the crap IL in de grass, an when it's
got to be gethered I'll do my part
| Dey amt nuthin' mean nor low Hfeted
erbout me. l ulster b'long ter quality
did, an l kno's how ter treat er wife
do"
you do, hey9 "well, what's your
part?"
my part liz alters ter have in err de
cent an 'specterble manner. nebbel
spects ter beat my wife, less she's
powerful aggervatin', nor let no uddel
niger do it l gwine buy her el
calico coat an er pair shoes an Mis-!
Malviny's ole hat twist er year, an lie
her sing Jess ez loud in de meetin' e;
she wants ter. Den l gwine let he
) ten all de funerals dat comes on Sun
: day an sit up wild de sick an eat at d.
fus table wild me, an what oman
white or black, could spec mo'en dat?
"Yes, sir; my wife gwine have e
: good easy time, eff she's er wuckin
nigger. But eff she's no count an
trifiin' like me l gwine gin her he
: | waikiki papers an git ernudder.
can't s'pote two no count nigRers Blu
don't comprehend no trouble wild Flc
: | rinda Jane, Gaze she's err wucker frur
L | way back. Course, dun tole her a
: day erbout
l Roses red an violets blue
, 'Lasses sweet and SO IL you,
, en- bout
My Tub fur you shall ebber dow
Like wa err down er later row,
, but I dun tole her besides what g,Fin
marry her fur, an she knows 1 CON
: stan no foolishness, But Florinda Jan
e she's er likely young gal, she IL, an
: amt err feared ter buy her er license,
= aim,
S BOSS, l hates ter trouble yer, but L
S be much erbleeged eff you would pu
h dis letter in de stomped antelope NJ
e back it ter Miss Florinda Jane Whit.
$ side, er Wilder Oman, kear err he
5 Brudder-in-law, de Foreman in de Brio
o Yard, Frog Level, Alabama. IN. J
a Herald.
sE