The Penn's Grove record., 1893-07-21
HUMOR OF II DAY.

SASHS N S
Wild oats.-Boston Journal.
"Ask pepper" said the fire-cracker
fuse when a match was suggested.
That money talks I don't deny;
To me it always says, Good by"
Puck.
It'll odd enough that burglars take
such risks in a safe Observation-Disclosures
IMericaa.
a stingy man can be relied upon to
keep everything but his PROMISE
Elmird Gazette.
"Capital punishment" as the boy said
when the school mistress seated him with
the girls.-Basar.
A man finds tho poorest companion.
ship when he ''entertains a suspicion"
- Washington Star.
Your friends may not know much, but
they know what they would do If they
were in your place.-Ateaison Globe.
Stranger brightly - 'Fine dayl'
Chronic Grumbler-" Ye-es-locally-
probably raining somewhere. Puck"
Now is the time when the small boy
of the family is caught poaching on his
mothers preserves. Baltimore Ameri-
can.
All animals have their good points,
out for abundance of the same none can
compete with the porcupine. -7sras
Settings.
1t isn't so much that a man objects to
pay the debt of nature; it is nature of
the debt that trouble him.-BastOn
Transcript.
The peacock may not be inclined to
gossip, but he loves to spread q highly
co!o.ed tale about the neighborhood.-
Elmira Gazette.
A man can always keep himself in
good credit so long as he doesn't ask
for it. Paste this in your hat and dodge
the fatal request.-Puck.
"If I were only in politics." musel
the car.horse as he started up the hill,
"what q lot I could do with the pull I
have. "-Baltimore Amsricaa.
al don't look like a very formidable
fellow" soliloquizel the honest milk
dealer; sand yet I've made lots of
bigger men take water. Life.
Blinkers-"Hello, Winkers. I hear
you married a woman with an independ-
ent fortune" Winkers-"No-o; Imar-
ried a fortune with an independent
woman.
Mudge-"I hear that Trimmings girl
has induced him to give up his cigars"
Yabsley-"H'mh! That's more than any
of the boys could do."-Lndianapob
Journal.
People who are constantly saying
"whst is due to society" often forget al
together what is due to themselves, to
say nothing of what is due to the butcher
and baker.
"Sir," said the tailor, "my suits talk
for me-" "But, my dear sir!" cxpostu-
lated tile customer, "can you expect me
TO believe statements made out of the
whole cloth. "-BLtimore american.
IIe-"You say you love me, but can
not b. my wife. Is it because lam poorl
There arc better things in this world than
money" She-"Quite true, but it takes
money to buy them. "-B'sDn Budget.
THE BALD MAN REJorcEs.
Hove the crisp, cool autumn days.
They fill my soul with glee,
yor then in peace l go my ways
With not a fly on me.
-Ncto York Herald.
oldun-"Remember, my son, to a..
ways keep your expenses within your in-
come" Young-un-"Got a better plan
than that. I propose bringing my in
come up to my expenses. "-Iadiaaap0ls
Lurhak.
"Dinguss Is u man Of expensive
habits, Is he not. shadboltl" "Yes.
Dingdss's habits since I have been ac-
quainted with him have cost inc $l5G,
without counting a cent for Interest,"
MleagO Tribune.
He-"I wish you would sing that dear
old song, backward, Turn Backward,
0 Time, in Thy Flight" Sweet Girl
81 might wake mother up by singing;
but I will turn the clock back il that will
d o"--Rew York Press.