davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-06-14
MIR. ISKAEL'S FUNERAL.

The funeral of the late E. w. Israel took
place from the family residence at D
o'clock yesterday evening and was strictly
private, according to the wishes of the
deceased. The remains were enclosed in q
home made coffin and were conveyed to
the cemetery in spring wagon. This at
tracted good deal of attention, but it
was strictly in accordance with Mr..
Israel's ante mortem wish as can be seen
by the following document, which he
penned eight days before his death.
A MOST HUMBLE REQUEST TO MY
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-06-14
Hoods SarsapariI!a

and am now we'll woman. l weigh 128 lbs.,
eat well and do the work for large family.
NY case seems a wonderful recovery and
physicians look at me in establishment. as
almost like one raised irons the s:cad.o
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11
Identification.

LAWYERS have a curious and often a
ludicrous habit Of identifying themselves
with their clients by speaking in the plural
number This was recently illustrated in
? funny way by lawyer out in Cheyenne
who was defending a man for taking unto
himself horse without compensating the
owner or asl ing his consent.
Gentlemen of the jury" called out the
lawyer after he had worked himself up TO
a pitch of oratorieal passion, 81 am about
to prove to you that we amt horsemen and
don't know a martingale from bit. We
couldn't harness a blind mule nor lead
him across a 10-acre lot, and as for riding
bareback Or n saddle the horse Il e
they say w. stole was rid, why, we COZ ,
no more do it than we could ride tt e
graph wire and run as fast as the message
it conveys around the world in the one
hundreth of a second.
But, gentlemen Of the jury, that is not
all. Not only could we not have led or rid.
den that horse away, if we were free to dc
it in broad daylight and with the consent
and cooperation of the man who claims t.
be the legitimate owner, though he hasn't
proved yet how be came by that aninrl
himself And why could we not do it CT
the night claimed, gentlemen of the jury.
Let me tell you; permit me to confess ths
truth, the whole truth and nothing bu:
the truth. At the hour when the Office
said he nabbed us on that horse I vii
prove to you that we were locked up II
the station house in a state Of beastly in
toxication~ ALFRED r. CALHOUN.
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11
zE4 -

On the right is Farmer Jobnson's barr
and on the left the Widow O'Brien's only
COW, both toned down somewhat, but full
of business and patriotism.
De Lisle had loved Arthusa for years and
years, but never until this evening had be
spoken his mind. He dasn't for her father
was q school trustee and owned the only
pay scales in town, while his father was
simply millionaire, though considered
quite respectable for one e that class.
I'm yyu VII J1 IL. Dhgc., ~ husaT
he whispered as he strained her to his heart,
81 guessl' she replied as her skull
cracked him on the eyebrow.
Hal What's thati AS her languishine
eyes are cast upon the earth to see If there
are any bugs around, folded note attracts
her attention. While De Isle continues to
strain she calmly and quietly possesses
herself of the note and proceeds to read 1t.
At the first words shiver shook her
frame. At the second shook shivered
her from head to heel. She gasped for
breath. Her eyes rolled. Her hairpins
fell like raindrops on the grass. Then the
scene suddenly changed, according to the
following diagram, drawn upon the same
scale as the other, but exhibiting more
activity in real estate:
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11

then went into camp. We were after hin
again at daylight ard kept it up till noon
Then the wind came around right, and we
prepared to set fire 70 a haystack on the
north side Of the house and burn him out
The colonel called cur hand and surren
dered. He had refused our paper, he eX
planned. because we deroted so much space
10 politics and so little TO accounts of muir
ders and executions. II didn't take us five
minutes TO demOlish his arguments anC
make him come down with three years
subscription in advance, and he took it as
a great favor that we allowed him to &C
company Us part way home. Wehave sev
eral other cases on our books and shall at
tend to them in regular order as soon a.
possible.
YES, WHY NOT?-OUr esteemed contem
porary down the street publishes lettel
this week from an alleged subscriber ask
ing why he does not take the law into his
own hands and remove" us to mOr
balmy cline. Our esteemed replies that il
is because he is an advocate Of law ano
order and that if let alone justice viii
sooner or later pull Us up to a limb. Bosh
Our diaries for the past three years give
the dates of fourteen different attempts OF
the part Of our esteemed to accomplish thu
removing act. Why he hasn't done 1t Anc
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11
SOME ODD STORIES.
INTERESTING INCIDENTS RELATED
BY MAJOR A. r. CALHOUN.

The Tale of an Honest Irishman and
Two Rogues who Put the Wrong Kind
of oil Into Their Lamp and Were
Blown to Smithereens.
copyright, 1892, by American Press Associ-
alton
Got to 60 over on footr' exclaimed the
contractor.
Not chance of anything else" replied
the agent, adding, But, then, it's only five
miles, and you'll have better quarters
there than in this vile shanty. The money
will be safer, too-let alone that the men
won't 90 TO work again unless they're paid
in the morning"
as the road safe? don't like the idea
of Juggling so much money. I could defend
myself or run, but s., goo in small bills is a
large package to run with"
Send your valise over in advance"
Whom by?"
My man"
Trustworthy
Honest as the day, and he needn't know
there's anything in it but soiled linen. He
can start now, and you can wait till after
supper if you will"
And so saying the agent Of the railroad
company stepped to the door of the shanty
and shouted for Patrick, anv soon that in
diviiual came-as bright, lively, honest
looking 4 son of the Green Isle as ever
helped build western railroad.
Patrick"
"Yis, SOFT"
Take this gentleman's valise over to the
village and leave it with the superintend-
ent Tell him the owner'll be after it this
| evening"
And is that ALL sorr?'
That's all, only be quick about 1t, and
! you'll earn an extra dollar"
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11

will never be able to do it unless he gets u
in front of a cannon is because he can't
shoot. He has fired at Us at all sorts OF
distances, from five feet to twenty rods
and the only damage he ever did was to ouI
hat, and that was accidental. We have 6
standing offer to let him have ten shots al
us from distance Of fifty feet and give
him 500 for every bullet coming within
earshot. As to his advocating law anc
order, where does he do iti His editoria
page is set up with eight Sounce tack
and barbed wire fencing, and is absolutely
unreliable. However, we do not wish II
complain. When there are no cowboys IL
town and no terror lodging about for
shot at us we can always count on little
fun with our esteemed. All we have tC
do is to send our office devil over to tell his
office devil that The KICKER is expecting
a whole keg of ink at once, a.. ten min
utes later our esteemed is blazing away at
the front door of our Office and hitting the
shingles on the roof
As AN EXPERDENT.-We have a letter
from man over in Utah who says he is
greater exhorter than Sam Jones or Sam
Small, and he wants to come over here and
have shy at our population. We shall
neither encourage nor discourage him IL
making the experiment. AS mayor of tn.
town we have its best interests at heart
As editor and proprietor of THE KIcKEB
we have always worked for moral improve
ments. As a private citizen, however, we
are inclined to doubt the success of the ex
pertinent referred to. WeGon't doubt that
most of the boys would attend the meet
Ings, and perhaps the majority of them
would remove their hats and become more
or less interested, but the chances are
ninety nine to one that an emergency would
arise. All of sudden old Bill Bradshaw
would remember that Pete Davis sold him
one eyed mule on the square, or Colonel
Jenkins would recollect that Dan Sim
mons got the drop on him last Fourth OF
July, and in less than ten seconds forty
critters would jump to their feet and begin
shooting. It's just possible that it might
not turn out this way, and that some OF
the boys might be led to see the error Of
their ways, but if the exhorter shows W
he must take the chances. If we attend
the first few meetings we shall take tive
guns along with us and try to get seal
with our back to the wall.
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Bringing Colonel Keiso Around-warning
An Exhorten

Bringing Colonel Kelso MISUNDERSTANDING
An Exhorten
HAD TO CONF DowN.-When we find
man within thirty miles Of this town who
is not a subscriber to THE KICKER we feel
that there is something wrong somewhere,
apd we proceed to interview him. When
subscriber lets go of the paper without
what we consider a reasonable excuse
such as death or removal to Alaska-wein-
terview him some more. Last week the
copy sent to Colonel Jim Kelso, whose post
office is at Bitter Greek, was returned to us
marked, Refused, and be burned TO you"
We telephoned over for the colonel to come
In, and he told us over the wire to go to.
We then wrote him for an explanation, and
he returned our letter unopened. Satur'
day morning we strapped three days IA
lions and $50 cartridges to our saddle,
mounted our regular canvassing mule and
set off to find out what was the matter
with Colonel Kelso. The colonel is nc
spring chicken. He knew what would fol
low his action and was expecting US. He
had laid in 200 cartridges, a weeks provi-
sions and barrel of water, and was barri.
caded In his adobe. We sheltered our mule
in a ravine and opened fire. We bombarded
the colonel from every point of the COM
pass up to o o'clock in the evening and
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11

l was with the German army at the sur
render of Sedan by tho French emperor.
This was Ly all odds the most tragic Incl
dent i'm that i'll advised war.
| saw the German kng-William had
not vet become emperor-as he rode to-
ward the little walled city Of Sedan, near
the Belgian frontier, for an interview with
his defeated and thoroughly Inundated
rival, Napoleon III
/ had never liked the French emperor,
but when ] sawhis ashy face and shrunken
form after that interview l could not re-
press feeling Of pity.
The men met at a house on an elevation
called Bellevue. After shaking hands IN
a formal way they entered the conserva-
tory alone.
OF course I did not get within hearing,
but an English officer who was better sit
uated vouches for the following converse
ton:
King William-God has given our armies
victories in the war you have precipitated.
Napoleon-The war was not sought by
me- but was imposed upon me by public
opinion.
King DISSENTING emphatically) - Your
ministers created that opinion. Your army,
however, certainly fought bravely.
Emperor-But the PrUssians had the dis
cipline that mine has recently lacked.
King-Before and since 1866 we studied
carefully the experience and inventions Of
other nations.
Emperor-Your artillery won everything
1t is the finest in the world.
King-In the matter of artillery particu
larly we have utilized the experience Of
other nations.
Emperor-Prince Frederick Charles de
cided the event of the last battle, his army
carrying our last position.
King-You err. 1t was my son who
fought at Sedan
Emperor-Where, then, was Prince Fred
srick Charles?
King-His corps is before Metz.
The emperOr's self possession apparently
left him on learning this. The king con-
:inued:
Have you anything to proposeS"
Emperor-Nothing whatever. I am a
prisoner.
King-With whom, then, have to treat
Emperor-With the empress. With the
government at Paris am powerlessi can
make no terms; can give no orders.
King-Will Wilhelmshoche suit you as
a residence?
Emperor-Yes
A few more words were said, and the vic
torious king and the defeated emperor
parted, the former to go to greater vic.
sories and finally to wear the imperial
purple of the German empire, and the
| latter to go to the prison palace at vii
helmshoche, and finally to die under the
protection of England's fag-a heart
broken exile
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11
BINDER DISTURBED.
NE CAN'T ALWAYS MAKE OUT His
BOY JAKE.

.-.-.... ~r,derr AnarI-
JAKE h"Nes Use VI
can Terms That Are N"t LNa''iS Ia +"
to His Father, Who Promises to Inter
- NH, ~ fine Barn.
Copyright ls@, 10y Charles g. Lewis
81 shust like 20 spheaK few more words
4 about my son Shake, said Mr.. Dunder as
/ he softly entered the station TO ma the lat
police sergeant chewing Michigan tooJh-
pick and reading a newspaper prediction
that this will be the coolest winter Iof
the past ten years.
About Jake, eh?' queried the sergeant
! In reply.
Yes. You know Shake. Hevhas seek
teen years old pOoty queek und awful
shmart. He vhaS a good poy, but l cant
make him sometimes oudt. One day ]
hears him shpe&Hin mt poy, una he
says: 'DOan' You be air"IGt. Some flies
doan' roost On me' Sergeant, yhas dot
American
Il think it IS"
Dots What Shake sad. lie SAID II
meant dot he slump aroundt so liieiy dot
no fly can shtay on him. How does il
hurt you if some flies roOst on you; | see
flies on you, but you doan' slump aroundt
ind Shake, he vhas so fat he can't be
lifely. Can you explain her to me;'
why, | understand it TO mean that =
person is sharp and shrewd."
oh! Well, a few days ago Shake he
calls me guf'uer.' took him by der col
lar pooty queek, but he explains: Dot
vhas all right, fadder-dot vhas der Amer
lean way Of it. If we vhas gong to liz in
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11
A Comfortable Coat.


Old King William of Prussia, the grand
father Of the present emperor, was a model
ruler. Although at the head of the great
est and most warlike nation in Europe, he
was personally very democratic. He de
lighted to see his family, his staff and his
attendants attired in way that became
his elevated station, but about his own
dress, excepting on state occasions, he was
entirely Indifferent. Indeed he would
never have ordered new clothes, nor had
any, had it not been for the supervision Of
his wife and the watchful attention Of his
faithful valet.
A short time before the emperor's death
his valet gave him hint by substituting a
new coat for one he had worn two or three
years longer than he ought.
Although not a close observer OF his own
clothing, the emperor could not be deceived
between a comfortable old coat and stiff
new one, so he at once summoned his valet
into his presence, when he said:
"Where is my old coat, FritzW
81 have taken it away, your majesty. Il
is no longer fit to be worn"
What are you going to do with it
Fritz"
81 believe am going to sell it," said the
man.
How much do you think you will get
for it?" asked the emperor.
Il think, your majesty. shall ge'
about two thalers for il" was the reply.
The emperor took his Purse from the
table, opened it and handed his valet two
thalers.
Here is your money, Fritz" said he
That coat is so comfortable that l shall
wear it some time yet. Bring it back t.
me. When l want a new coat l shall
.,rdar ono -
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11


"Vhell, he calls it sugar ducats, cases.
wealth. scrap iron, 'needful, 'rhino, und
so like dot"
81 see. suppose he tells of somebody
talking through his hat, eh'"
Sergeant, he shpeaks dot very way to
me only last night when blows him oor
aboudt spending so mooch MONEY!
ut made him tired, didn't it'"
"Dot's What he said-it made him tired
to hear me talk through der top of my hat.
How vhas it. sergeant"
"Well, think Jake is getting little toe
fresh for boy of his age"
"But only last night he tells me he vhas
all salti doan' like to shpeak aboudt my
own poy, you see, but maybe you can tell
me how / shall dor Doyou think he should
keep ont"
"1f he was my boy should stop him
right where he Is"
"Umi 1t vhas my dutyg"
II think So"
"Und it vhas good for Shaker
First rate. Are you going"
Sergeant, goodbyi l hsf some peesness
at my place dot l must attend to right of
queskl When get home my son Shake Will
haf his hat on his ear and be walking
aroundt as if he owns dot earth. l shall
bekon NIT my finger like dis und say:
"Shake, like TO see you in der barn
aboudt two minutesF
"'All right, guf'ner-how vhas it?
"'Vhell, it vhas clothespins und sugar
und hats und spring shickens und scrap
iron und rackets all mixed COP, und guess
we 60 oudt und cheese some snuff und
make us tiredP"
~ understand" smiled the sergeant.
"Und so Will Shake, und if some flies
doan' roost on him tomorrow l. vhas BE-
cause 40 iies can lind him.
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11

Jake Makes Use Of some Modern Ameri-
can Terms That Are Not Exactly Plan
to His Father. Who Promises to Inter
view Him in the Barn.
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11
Steamer FunRels.

Invention, a London journal, calls atten-
ton to the fact that the diameter of the
largest steamer tunnels Is one Of the most
deceptive things in mechanical construc-
tion. Four to six feet, or, at the maxi
mum, eight feet, based upon appearance
merely, would be commonly named as the
average size by the average observer. How
far from the actual size this is may b.
understood from the fact that the funnel
of the Etruria is somewhat over eighteen
feet in diameter.
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11
THE DIAGRAM MAN.

He Tells of the Love of De Isle TO
Arthusa.
"Will you be miner"
"Yepl"
'Then may never sit down on another
bumblebee if am not the happiest man ir
the worldp'
They were standing under the dear old
pear tree in the back yard according tc
the following diagram, which is drawn t.
a scale of three miles to the inch:
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11

The note bore the odor of delicate per
tume trial size for nickeD, and the
,hirography was Enthusiastically and unde
niably and unqualifedly the fist of a fe
male 1t read:
MY DEAR BoY-when you come up tonight
bring the sugar" 10 pay the rent. which 10
overdue. MAINE
Finland me, yillainl"
What's tie matterp
The Progress. (Shreveport, La.) 1892-1900, 1893-03-11

the agents Office in the village, he over
heard this conversation:
What did you say, lrving3"
Why" exclaimed the road boss, "some
one has stolen a can of nitroglycerin, and
I'm afraid trouble will come of it."
The divil a fear of that" broke in Pat
rick. If yezll listen III tell yez the
whole story, begob.'
St. Paul daily globe., 1893-06-14

To meet this emergency request was
made by the American National upon
tle clearing house association for funds
to meet demands. The clearing house
association was in session until II
O'Clock this morning. 1t was found
that Sl60, 600 would be needed, and the
association decided not to advance this
amount, as it was feared that the
securities of the bank could not be
realized upon promptly enough to res
lieve the banks wants. Accordingly
President John L. McCague decided
not to open the doors of the bank this
morning. This morning deposltors,
alarmed by reports, began run on the
savings banks of the city, the other
national banks not being affected. The
heaviest run was on the Omaha savings
bank, acknowledged to be the sOundest
concern III the city, where all depoSitOr5
were paid in cash. At 8 O'Clock the
bank closed and notified depoSitors that
IL would open at 9 a. m. and continue t9
pay i'll full. 4
LANSING, Mich. June 1S.-Advices
have been received by Bank Commiss
sioner Sherwood from Crystal Fallss
upper Michigan, that the State Bank Of
Crystal Falls has suspended payment.
The bank was organized about year
ago with a capital of $4,000. 1t had
deposits of 100000. The cause of the
failure Is the suspension of the Plank
inton bank, of Milwaukee. Il
KANSAS CITY, June l2.-As a result
of the suspension yesterday of the PeoS
pies Savings bank, an insignificant ink
stitutiOn with deposits of only $4,000, a
run was started this mOning on the
Kansas City Safe Deposit and Savings
bank. The bank took advantage OF
that clause of its bylaws recurring dea
positorS to give thirty days notice OF
the withdrawal OF deposits. That
checked the run, and at noon it was
practically over. None of the othea
banks experienced a run. y
BURR OAK, Kan, June l9.-The Bank
of Burr Oak, owned by Hurlburg Bros.,'
closed yesterday, with liabilities SS5, ,000f
and practically no assets. !
DETROIT, Mich, June Is. - What
threatened to be a run on several saw
ingS banks Of this city was stopped by
the officers of the savings banks issuind
notice that they would pay depositorS
only after ninety days notice had been
given.
NASHVILLE, June 13.-The Nashville
Savings Bank company, of whicR
Thomas S. Marrs Is owner and pTesh
dent, filed an assignment tonight. The
lldOlllllCo al c E-c-i tO' anu assets NdluCu
at about 1926, ,00O The deposits amount
to $109, 100.02 and certificates of deposit
S72,911.21. Among the assets are S6O,OOG
on deposit with Arthur Kalchen IL Co.,
suspended bankers of New York.
MoBERLY, Mo, June 13.-The EX(
change Bank of Moberly, which is the
depository for the city, made a general
assignment today for the benefit of
creditors. No statement has been made
as yet, but it is believed payments VIII
be made in full, as the other banks are
prepared to meet all demands.
St. Paul daily globe., 1893-06-14
EVANS IN JAIL.
Sontag's Companion in Outlawry
Captured by. Officers and
Brought to Visalia.
Though Not So Badly Wounded
as His Partner, He Is in
Frightful Condition.

VIsALIA, CAL, June 13.-Evans, the
notorious outlaw, has been captured.
Though he is not as seriously wounded
as his companion in outlawry. he is i'll
trightful condition. He has one shat
tered arm, a shot through the other, and
one of his ewes is shot out. Notwith-
standing his grievous injuries, Evans
was able to walk up to the second
story of the Jail. Evans was captured
at the home of q widow named Perkins,
living in Wilcox canyon. twenty-five
miles northeast of this city. Evans left
the place of Sunday nights tragedy
about o'clock, and 1t took him until
daylight to reach the Perkins place, a
distance of six miles. He washed his
wounds at well, and entered the house
and bed without being beard. The first
Perkins knew of what had occurred was
when they found blood at the well. and
going up stairs, found Evans in bed.
They asked him to deliver himself up,
but he refused, saying he would get
up in few days and leave
the country. Evidently the Perkins
family labored with him all day, as it
was 10 o'clock at night before Eli Per
kins, son of the widow, came down
aud gave international three hours
ride. Evans corroborates the statements
of Sontag about the latter wishing to be
shot. A physician examined Evans at
the jail, and found he was shot in the
right eyebrow, closing the eye. An
other bullet plowed across the small of
the back. making wound nine inches
long. There was also shot in the left
wrist, passing upward through the fore
arm. All the wounds were made by
rifle bullets. However. he is not as
seriously hurt as Sontag, and will have
speedy recovery. Sontag rallied a
little this morning, feeling much better.
Both bandits are In jail.