davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-10-27
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

Avoiding ORense- What She Gould Do
Ready for Business-A Difference,
Etc, Etc.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-10-27
AVOIDING OFFENsE.

AVOIDING OFFENsE,
Jimson-I say, old boy. come in and
take pOt-luck with me to-day
Billson (who has tried Jimson's pot
luck before)-Um--really, I'd be delight
ed, but--er--important matter to attend
to.
Jlmson--Oh, nonsense. Business Is
dulier than country churchyard--noth-
ing going on at all.
BillsOn--Y cs-er-Of cOurse-busiuess
can wait, OF course, but this is-er do
nestle NATTER. you know.
Jimson-Get out! Your folks are out
OF town. and know it.
Blllson lin desperation)--Yes that's
so; but my--er-mother-i in law doesn't
leave until to-day, and want to 90 to-
er--the railway station and kiss her
Sood-by.- New York Weekly.
BREAKING 1T GENTLY.
1t was the first she had ever baked and
she said proudly:
Don't you think could go into the
bread business ?"
My dear" answered her husband,
gently, elf they sold bread by weight
you'd make your fortune. Washington
Star.
READY FOR BUSINESS.
Tramp-Please, mum, if yell kindly
help me on me journey, I'll be much
Oblccged.
nousekeeper-Huh! On journey, ehg
Tramp-Yes, mum; Tn goin' West to
start bank.-[New York Weekly.
EAcrrDro,,s
Haversup More-Weary Walkers too
much of a 'ristocrat fer de business.
Nancy Steppes - What's he dom
now?
Haversup Morc-Got so he won't slcep
anywhere 'ccpt on flower bed.-[Puck.
BEATS TWO TAILS.
They were out looking at the comet
One OF the guests said he thought he
could see two tails.
That's nCthing," put in the enfant
terrible. 'l'vc heard ma say that pa
often secs two moons. ~ Judge.
VAIN SEARCH.
Won Blumer II hear that burglars
broke into your house last night. Did
they find anythings
Witherby-No. My wife is cleaning
house. Judge.
GREAT INVENTOR.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-My husband is a
great inventor.
Mrs Yeast-Indecd! What does he
invent, excuses?-- Yonkcrs Statesman.
AN EMOTIONAL ROLE.
She - Why were you so awkward
and embarrassed when you proposed to
me?
He--Oh, l was trying not to look
SO cock-sure OF being accepted as felt.
--[Age.
HE STOPPED BOARDING.
Mrs. Snaggs (reading)-A man in
South Duxbury, Mass, has coughed up
ten-cent piece he swallowed some time
ago.
Mr.. Snaggs- Yes, I've noticed other
indications that the boarding of money, is
coming to an end.-[Pittsburg Chroni.
Gle.
THE BEST OF IT.
Lawyer-When I ask you your age
why do you say eight and twenty instead
VI I"cuVy-oISuts
Lady Witness-I believe in putting
The best foot forward.
CoUP D'ErAr.
Weary Walker-See here, Walter!
we're desperit, an you gotter try a new
game. Go up to dat house an ask de
lady for drink of ice-cold water, an
perhaps you'll git pie.
Walking Walter (horrifled)-Yes, but
wha- wha-whad if she offered me dc wa
ter?
Weary Walker-Why, den cut an
run, an we'll t'ink up new scheme
Judge.
REPARTEE IN THE BARNARD.
The chanticleer announced with joy:
1.-THE day, my dear, doth dawn"
And the hen, engaged in Matching eggs,
Rejoined in brief: "Pm on"
Il Puck.
MAKING PREPARATION.
'smith is very busy getting ready to
attend the fair"
''What is he doing?'
Learning to live on one meal a day."
-lChicago Inter Ocean.
SHOES TO FIT.
The funny mans wife was reading an
English almanac and he was smoking
mad l.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-10-27
MAKING PREPARATION,

''smith is very busy getting ready to
attend the fair"
"What is he doing?"
Learning to live on one meal day. -
-lChicago Inter Ocean.
SHOES TO FIT.
The funny mans wife was reading an
English almanac and he was smoking
and resting his gigantic intellect on the
back of his chair.
II notice here" she said, "that in the
matter of shoes, temperance people
should wear pumps. Now what sort of
should wear2"
The gigantic intellect began to roll
over and exert itself.
"Well," he said, thoughtfully. II
think they should wear tight ones."-
detroit Free'Press.
DEFENDER OF PURE LANGUAGE.
ibid you enjoy seeing the foreign
tribes at the Fair?"
''Naw. l tried to chin wild tree or
four of dem an dey can't speak a word
of decent English. "-IChicago Record.
RELATIVE IMPORTANCE.
Mr.. Skidds-It may seem to you an
odd time to ask the question, but before
we start to the theatre wan: to know il
you will marry me, Della.
Della. too, have question to ask.
"Ask it."
''Is my hat on straight"
'Yes. Will You marry me7''
"Yes. "-lNew York Sun.
HE SAVED HIMSELF.
She eighty tinctured with woman,s
rights notions)-Do you believe in the
equality of woman2
He lemphatically)-I do not.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
CAN'T READ A NEWSPAPER.

Queen Victoria isn't allowed to han
die newspaper of any kind, or ma
gazine, or letter from any person ex-
cept from her own family, and no
member of the royal family or house
hold is allowed to speak to her of any
piece of news in any publication. All
the information the Queen is permit
ted to have must first be strained
through the intellect of man whose
business is to cut out from the papers
each day what he thinks she would
like to know.
The scraps he fastens ON silk sheet
with a gold fringe all about it, and
presents it to her unfortunate Majesty.
The silken sheet with gold fringe is
imperative for communications to the
Queen.
Any one who wishes to send the
Queen any personal poem or a COM
munication of any kind Except per-
sonal letter, which the poor lady isn't
allowed to have at alD must have it
printed in gilt letters on one of these
silk sheets with gold fringe, just so
many inches wide and no wider, all
about it.
These gold trimmings will be re-
turned to him in time, as they are ex
pensive, and the Queen is kindly and
thrifty, but for the Queens presence
| they are imperative.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
VARIETIES.

Professor c., a Green Mountain
boy, who stood six feet six inches in
his stocking feet, desiring to take Das-
sage for London, went to New York
for that purpose. While standing on
the dock, he got into conversation
with a stranger, asking him by what
route he had better go-on his cont EN-
plated voyage WELL" was the re ply,
Elf | were you, would put a loaf of
bread on top OF my head, and wade y
Henry Irving is fond of relating
little incident that occurred to him
when in Dorsetshire village not long
ago. Whilst passing group OF child
rem one of them eyed him SO sharply
that the actor said: well, little girl,
do you know me?' "Yes, SIR" was
the reply, you are one of 'Beecham's
Pills. She had seen his face in one
of their advertisements.
While canvassing his State during
political season, John Quincy
Adams was approached by well-to.
do farmer, who introduced himself
and said "Mr Adams, I'm glad to
meet you my wife remembers you
we'll she was in your family when
you were a boy, and often conbed
your hair" WELL" said Mr.. Adams
sharply, Il suppose she combs yours
now"
-He-"My dear cousin, assure
you l would never dare to rob those
sweet lips of a kiss" She-"Oh, you
hypocrite Didn't you make an effort
of that character the other day p
He-"Never. Far from my intention
of robbing you of a kiss, was try
inCr IN rive Won one ~
-Maud-"I don't see you at DIR. Flips.
ley's church any more" Madge-
mo, the colors the sun throws
through those new stained glass win
dows were too trying to my complex
ion, so l was obliged to sever my
connection with the church"
Miss Highminde.-"I do not love
you, Mr. Brokerage, but l confess I
take an interest in you" Mr.. Brok-
erage with enthusiasm) "Oh, dar-
ling, can't you take the principal, too9"
A little girl was taking q ride
with a friend. She had never before
seen horse without binders on the
harness, and asked her friend If the
horse had lost his "spectacles."
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
AIVONDER OF SCIENCE.
The Successful Use of an Electric Ligll
in Il Surgical Operation.

The Successful Use of Electric Light
in a Surgical Operation.
One of the most delicate surgical OPP
erations ever performed in San Fran
cisco was that to which A. Baehm,
a patient at the City and County Hos
pital, was subjected recently. The
operation was remarkable in that an
endoscope, or small electric light, was
used during the process. This was
thrust into the thoracic cavity, and by
its illumination the action of the
heart and lungs was plainly visible.
This is the first case reported ON the
Pacific coast where the electric endo-
scope was used in difficult surgery
with beneficial results.
Baehm was afflicted with an alb
scess, which had formed in the pleu-
raj cavity and attacked the left lung.
! The operation was an exceedingly
| dangerous one, and in order not to
shock the patient no mention OF the
intention of the physicians was made
| to him.
| The sick man was quickly anaes-
| thetiZed and the inflated breast was
| exposed to view. A discoloration on
the left side showed that the trouble
Law under the tissue in that direction
and DIR. Ellinwood began operations
at once by making two deep missions
crosswise, from which the blood squirt
| ed in streams. Several Of the larger
| blood vessels were necessarily cut, but
these were quickly ligatured, with
DR.. Stillman's assistance.
The flaps of flesh were laid to one
side, exposing the third rib to view
This rib was resected for three inches
and when it was cut away a dark
and bloody opening was revealed,
! through which the thoracic cavity
! and the space between the lungs
could be seen. DIR. Hirschfelder i'll
serted the endoscope through the
opening in Baehm's breast and the
! light was turned on, illuminating
| the interior of the cavity with re-
markable distinctness.
The heart worked slowly, owing to
| the effect of ether. The aorta dilated
and fell with every heart beat. The
lung was also visible. During the
one hour and a half consumed in
making the operation the action of
| the heart was distinctly visible, and
! the unusual sight was the subject of
much comment upon the part OF the
operators and spectators.
When the process was completed
and every vestige OF pus removed,
| the endoscope was withdrawn and
| the opening in Raehm's breast closed.
The operation was a highly successful
one in every particular, and Baehm's
condition shows that he is gaining
strength.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
GLYCERINE.

Do you know for how many differ
ent uses glycerine is really invaluable
1t moistens and softens the skin, and
when properly diluted may both pre-
vent and cure chapped hands. 1t
will allay the excessive thirst of fe-
yer patient. Two or three drops Civ
en- to a baby will often stay its
stomach-ache, if wind be the cause.
1t will frequently soothe an irrita-
BILE cough by moistening the dryness
of the throat, which gives rise to it.
1t is an efficient means for the pre-
vention of bed sores.
1t has been found excellent as an
enema in treating constipation, and
half tea spoon every half hour has
relieved many cases Of summer COM
plant, waterbrash and dyspepsia.-
In household medication it must be
pure and wholly unadultered.
Another use may be added which
is not generally known. When you
are about to seal fruit jars drop in a
half dozen drops of glycerine and
it will help to keep the contents and
prevent mould from gathering on the
top.
If you want to show your husband
a little attention, place bottle at his
hand Of equal parts Of glycerine ;nd
bay rum, for use after his morn ing
shave, and he will rise up and bless
you.
Glycerine is also excellent for rub
bling into shoes as the preventive of
wet feet, as well as to soften the cath
er and keep it in good condition.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
WE'LL PAIDFOR PICKING.

| Colonel Ebenezer Sproat, who was
born in marlborough, Mass, in 752,
served through the Revolutionary
war with distinction and being a SOL
der himself naturally thought that
soldiers engaged in their country's
! defense deserved to be handsomely
treated. His father, it appears, kept
tavern. Early in the war, while
| EbeneZer was captain, he was at
home on short furlough, and one
| day three privates, ON their way
home from the army, called at the
hose for a cold luncheon.
| Mrs. Sproat set on the table some
bread and cheese, with the remains
| of the family dinner. Ebenezer
thought this rather scanty fare for
hungry men, especially as the bones
were already pretty bare. However
the men satisfied their appetites and
asked what was to pay. Captain
! Sproat answered that he did not
know, he would ask his mother, and
going to the kitchen door he said:
Mother, how much is it worth to
pick these bones? %
About a shilling, 1 suppose" she
| answered.
He went back to the room, took
from the drawer three shillings, and
with a smiling face handed them to
the men, at the same time wishing
them good day and pleasant jour
ney.
When they had been gone a few
minutes, Mrs. Sproat returned and
asked Ebenezer what he had done
with the money that the men had
paid him.
paid me ~ said the captain, with
an air of Amusement. Didn't ask
you what it was worth to pick those
bones, and didn't you say shilling
| thought it little enough for such a
job and handed them the money from
the till, and they are gone"
Ebenezer was his mother's favorite
son, and she accepted the matter as a
good joke to be borne without COM
planning.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
Yneti1al.
81 LOVE THE Woods"

love the woods.
Oh, give me but that crag of rock
On which to build my simple cot,
And I'll not ask for palaces.
Nor murmur at my lonely lot.
/ do not need the silken garb,
The cushioned couch, or seasoned food;
/ do not need the tongue of men
To voice the word that Life is good"
do not need the amber scent,
The honeyed smile and tutored song,
Or crowd of glittering sycophants
That in the halls of Cresus throng.
love the woods.
When DER the distant line of hills
The rosy morning peeps its head,
And stars that through the night have watch
Now quench their light and go to bed,
1 rise from couch of perfumed pine
And seek the purling brook that flows
Between its fringe of velvet moss,
Where tiny turquoise blossom blows.
l need no marble fountain rare
To purify and lave and clean,
And when say my grateful prayer,
Ills in His mighty dome of green.
1 love the woods.
Ny silent friend, my faithful dog,
The horse that hastens to my call,
The birds that sang above my head
They constitute my all in all.
l breathe the forests filtered air.
~, The breeze that cools the mountain brow
The snow clad SUBMITS atmosphere,
And praise the Lord I'm living now!
love the woods.
-Ricitdrd Mansfield, in Hdrper'S WeeklV.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
FORGET.

If you would increase your happi-
ness and prolong your life, forget
your neighbours faults. Forget the
SANDER you have heard. Forget the
fault-finding and give little thought
to the cause that provoked it. For
get the peculiarities OF your friends
and only remember the good points
that make you fond Of them. For
get all personal quarrels or history
that you have heard by accident; and
which if repeated, would seem a
Thousand times worse than they are.
Blot out, as far as possible, all the
disagreeable things of life-they will
come, but they only grow larger when
you remember them, and the constant
thought of the acts of meanness, or
worse still, malice, will only tend to
making you more familiar with
them. Obliterate everything dis
agreeable from yesterday, start out
with clean sheet for to-day and write
upon it, for sweet memory's sake, on
ly those things that are lovely and
lOyable
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
Ter Sale.

A FARM situated in the Fourth Election Dis
trict of Hartford County, Maryland, on the
Line road, and about one mile from Norris
vile. now occupied by John Houston, con.
tanning about 136 ACRES of well-improved
land, a young Apple Orchard of choice Fruit,
agood Stone Dwelling House. Barn, Granary,
Corn Crib and other outbuildings, in good re.
pair, good Spring House and Spring of never
failing water close to dwelling.
For particulars enquire of
JAMES II. ALMONY,
17feb ShawSville, Hartford Co., Md.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
Store Property at Private Sale.

The undersigned, owner, offers NJ Private
Sale the Store Property and improvements sit
trict of Hartford County, and now occupied by
Richard F. Hark1ns. The improvements con-
sist of
STORE HOUSE, DWELLING HOUSE,
Blacksmith Shop, Harness Makers Shop anG
outbuildings, all in excellent repair.
For terms and other particulars, apply to
J. THOS. c. HOPKINS, Attorney,
2Sau BEL AIR, MD.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
VALUABLE HARTFORD co. FARM
FOR SALE,

The heirs of the late James n. Henderson
will offer at Private sale, the FARM on which
he resided, containing about so ACRES, known
rs 1.-TWO Springs" near Black Horse, Fourth
District, Hartford county.
The land is of excellent quality; about 10
acres are in fine Timber, the remainder under
cultivation, with large Apple Orchard of
choice fruit and double spring of superior
water.
80 The improvements consist of a Large
$50 FRAME DWELLING, Barn, Wagon
KsssAShed, Corn Crib, Carriage House Chick
Zen House, Smoke House and Spring
House. The location is very desirable, being
within few rods of Church, School, Store,
Postoffice, Blacksmith and WheeIwright
Shops.
For further information apply to
S. A. WILLIAMS,
Attorney ut Law, Bel Air, Md,
j. NJ. II. LAWENCE,
Attorney at Law, Towson, BALTIC Co, Nd,
Or 1906 Myrtle Ave, Baltimore, Md,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24

Little Willie-"Is that the papa
swan or the mamma swan ~ Father
Which do you meanY" Little Willie
why, the poor thing that's had
the feathers pecked off the top of its
head and that isn't allowed to have
more of the biscuit" Father SADLY
THAT'S the papa swan, Willie"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
PROPERTY FOR SALE.
A DESIRABLE FARM FOR SALE.

ADA The heirs of the late John NJ.
M%S& Shanahan will offer at private sale
- To- ahis FARM, containing about so
ACRES, situated in Hartford Co.,
IL miles from Baltimore, on the west side of
Bel Air Turnpike, near Reckord Postoffice.
The land is of good quality and in high state
of cultivation, being well-watered; with good
Apple Orchard. Improvements consist of a
comfortable DWELLING, Barn and all other
necessary outbuildings, in good order.
For further information apply to
ID. j. SHANAHAN,
1Qfeb1m Fallston, Md.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
THE EGISAND NTELLIGENCER
Is Published Ecery Friday by
FREDERICK w. Baker.
TERMs.-sI.5O A Year in advance

Transient Neutrality-suspicious. Square, 3
insertions or less $3.50. Each subsequent in
sertion 25 cents. Longer advertisements in
the. same proportion. A space equal to six
price.
Obituaries and Personal Communications
will be inserted at 10 cents per line.
Yearly Advertisements at Special Rates.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
DOR SALE.

FOE SALE
- A GOOD FRAME DWELLING and
ED SIX ACRES OF LAND, one-half
EEosl cleared and the balance in good tim
A-ber, situated on the road from Pyles-
vile Station to ClermOnt Mills, two miles from
the former place, in the Fifth District, Har-
ford County, Enquire of
CHARLES II. MARTIN,
17feb-ta1 Near Clermont Mills.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
FOR SALE.
TIMBER AND FARMING LAND FOR
SALE.

There are about 500 ACRES belonging to
the estate of the late E. S. Rogers, lying along
B. s. L. r. R., of good Timber and Farming
Land still for sale by
ROBERT ARCHER, Trustee,
Sap BEL AIR, MD.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
Trustees Sale.

In pursuance of a decree of the Circuit Court
for Hartford county, as a Court of Equity, the
subscriber, as trustee, will offer for sale, at
Public Auction, ut the Court House door, in
Bel Air,
On Monday, April 10th, 1898,
IL O'clock NJ, all that certain
FARM OR PARCEL OF LAND,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
PRIVATE SALE.

A Fine FARM of $50 Acres, one mile from
Upper X Roads, in Hartford county, and about
hree miles from Baldwin Station, on the Balti-
more and Lehigh Railroad about 100 acres in
cultivation, balance in young chestnut and
poplar. Good improvements and well water
ed. Price cheap and terms easy. Apply to
HENRY w. ARCHER, Jr.,
9sep Bel Air, Nd.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
LEGAL NOTICES.
THOS. H. ROBINSON, Solicitor.
ORDER OF PUBLICATION.

William y. heltley IN the circuit court
Alvin Wood, Hartford County.
Gertrude Wood, his In Equity.
wife, Emma Keitley.
THE OBJECT of this bill is to procure a de-
i cree for the sale of certain real estate sill
uated in Hartford County aforesaid, of which
William Jacob keitley died seized and possess
Kelley departed this life the = day of
- 1S9-, intestate, leaving surviving him
the plaintiff, William G. Keitley, and the de-
PENDANTS, Gertrude Wood, wife of Alvin Wood,
and Emma Keitley, his only children and heirs
at-law, to whom all his interest in lot or par
Gel of land containing eight acres, more or
less described i'll deed from james NJ. keitley
and others to William J. Kctiey, dated the 4th
day of November, 1879, and recorded in Liber
A. L. ] No. As, folio 366, has descended.
That the said land is not susceptible of parti-
tion amongst the parties in interest and that it
would be for the interest and advantage of
said parties to have the same sold and the pro-
ceedS distributed under the direction OF the
court.
That Emma Keitley is an infant, under the
age of twenty-one years.
That Alvin Wood ana Gertrude Wood bis
wife, are non-residents of the State of Mary
land, residing in Wilmington, Delaware and
that Emma KCitley is a NONRESIDENT of the
State of Maryland, residing in Philadelphia, i'll
the State of Pennsylvania,
The bill prays for an order of publication
against said nonresident defendants:
1t is thereupon this 18th day of February, in
the year 1898, ordered, by the Circuit Court
for Hartford County, as a Court of Equity, that
the complainant, by causing a copy of this or
der to be inserted i'll some newspaper publish
ed in Hartford county, once in each of four
successive weeEs, fifteen days before the 18th
day of April, 1898. give notice TO the said AL
ma Kelley, who are non-residcnts of the State
of Maryland, of the object and substance of
this Bill of Complaint, and warn them to APP
pear in this Court in person or by solicitor, on
or before the 18th day of April next, to show
cause, if any they have, why decree ought
not to pass prayed.
WIN. S. FORwOOD, JR., Clerk.
True copy, test.
3mh4t WIN. S. FORWOOD, JR., Clerk
NOTICE.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1893-03-24
WILLIAM S. HANNA, Prop'r.

Having rented the building on CORTLAND
street, opposite the Court House gate, re,
spectfuliy solicit a call from farmers and
others. will keep constantly on hand every
thing needed about a farm, including Agri-
cultural Implements, such as Flows and Plow
Castings, Lever Spring-tooth Harrows, Wheat
Fans, Corn Shelters, Power and Hand Fodder
Cutters, Feed Grinders, Horse Powers, Steam
Engines, from one to sx-horse Power, Betting,
Fodder Yarn, Wire, Dairy Goods, such as
Churns, Butter Shipping Boxes, Butter Paper,
Milk Cans reameriesi, &c. Gunners' Supplies,
Powder, Shot, Shells, &c. Hardware of differ
ent kinds Also dealer in Buggies, Daytons,
Ph@tOns, Buckboards, Track Carts, Farm
Wagons of all sizes, Buggy, Carriage. Wagon
and Plow Harness. In short, anything the
farmer needs.
1 shall strive to supply the ''-'nts of the pub
lie with the best goods and the lowest
prices. G We me call.
WILLIAM s. HANNA,
CORTLAND st., near the Postoffice,
23sep BEL AIR, Md.