Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-11-27
MERRY CHRISTMAS IN THE AIR."

n Club Man Who Thinks 1t Costs a Good
Deal to Give That Greeting.
Old Marley may or may not be as dead
ms a doornail. but this is not Il Christmas
carol And yet it happens to be about
Christmas There were Il lot OF young
men in various indolent attitudes about
the loafing room of a Fifth avenue club.
They all belonged to class of young
men who frequent the clubs for the rea-
son that they can get there a month and
fifteen days credit for what they eat.
drink and smoke, and thus are enabled
to live month and a half ahead OF their
incomes. The Oldest member of the
group was reading one of those alleged
humorous periodicals which blossom out
in the holiday season with fearfully and
wonderfully illustrated legends. satirical
Christmas stories and pithy maxims Of
the peace on earth. good will toward
men order.
The man who wrote that was either
chu1np or liar" asserted the reader
suddenly, throwing down his paper
.<What did he writer asked man
who was staring at the embers of the
open fire.
man. or Martin Upper who runs Il col
umn of aphorisms in his blooming paper
says:
- 1T doesn't cost any money to wish
people merry Christmas.
Now that fellow has never lived in
New York in about the social rut along
which we are grinding, OF if he has he's
willfully supressing the truth You fell
lows know as we'll IT'S do that it costs
money lots of it. to wish people Il merry
Christmas Why. without Il moments
reflection any Of us could string ont q
long price list of assorted merry Christ
masses to wit:
Wishing elevator Toy ;:tyour apart
ment house merry Christmas. from 50 to
So; wishing hall boy ditto. ditto; wish
ing washerwoman merry Christmas.
from 81 up; wishing elevator boy at
your office building ditto. ditto: wishing
merry Christmas to your office boy one
extra week salary; wishing ditto to
stenographer, ditto: wishing your waiter
at luncheon place merry Christmas 81
wishing your barber the same. change
out of the bill given up for Christ
mas shave: wishing merry Christmas to
hostler who takes care of your horse -
ditto to stable foreman. one box cigars.
So. 80.
AT every club we enter Christmas
list stares us in the face and the old
doorman and the call boys, the coat check
boy and the clerk keep one, eye on the
list and the other on each entering mem
Der until be has added his autograph to
the growing collection Ii Il fellow goes
finds the janitor waiting i'll the hall OF
the last night before the Christmas re-
cess with Il subscription list tackled UP
by the door and the gas lighter i'll his
hand as Il pointer wherewith to call at
tention to it. tell you there's no way
for single man in Il ing city to beat
this Christmas game. Talk about the
tariff being tax; it's nothing alongside
of Christmas. Money talks. and it's the
only kind of talk that goes in this merry
Christmas business.
''Of course fellow does get present
from d best girl or two occasionally, but
he has more than to make it up by return
presents direct. or indirectly by flowers.
theater tickets. etc. Christmas is awfuIly
one sided. The companies. clients and
patients who employ us fellows never
wish us Il merry Christmas in the New
York vernacular.'
No" said the man who was still star
ing dreamily into the fire; the only way
to get square with the game is to n;;rry.
and then your wife will buy your pres
ents and have 'em charged to Your ;,c
count
And the back log snapped out Il shower
of sparks III emulation of this brilliant
solution of the difficulty.-New York
Tribune