The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1893-07-14
HUMOR nR THE DAY.


time, into butterfy.-Puck.
A call to arms-"Come, John, and
take the baby. Troy Press.
Little dogs bark the most because
that is all they can do.-Texas Sift.
ings
We don't envy the alligator, al
though he has a great susp.-Elmira
Gazette.
The perpetully irascible man is
known by his stas sding choler. Boston
! Courier. ---z-,--s x
How we all admire tho wisdom OF
those who come to us for advice.
Rams Horn.
Luck may be defined as that which
enables our neighbors to surpass our.
selves. Puck.
He-'Do you know, darling, havo
| never kissed any one before?" She
"Well, this is no kindergarten. -
Life.
Herdso-''Do you believe In the
faith curc?" Saitlso-"Yes one treat.
ment cured all the faith 1 had -
Vogue.
There are moro than thousand diff.
ferent things made from petroleum,
including angels. - Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
with nil her money there is ono
thing Mrs. Oldgirl doesn't own"
whats that?" ''Her age" Chicago
Inter Ocean.
''How absut this new neighbor-is
she agrecable?" "No; sho had three
| new dresses inside of month. "--C Chi.
cago Inter-Ocean.
He-"Now, darling, what kind Of
an engagement ring shall give you?"
She-"One that won't fit any othor
girls finger. Detroit Free Press
"Poor fellow. Did he lose his eyes
in the WARP" ooh, no. He tried to
pass a woman on the street when she
had her umbrella up. "-Detroit Tri.
bune.
"Does you teacher get out of temper
easily?" Goodness gracious, no she
has enough to last her if she lives to
bc 1OG years old. "-Chicago Inter.
Ocean.
"Why is it." she asked, 'that stolen
kisses are always the sweetest?" II
guess" he replied. lit is because they
are taken syrup-titiously." - Boston
Courier.
s@l 1srSnyr n.s s,sr'ss 4SssIs
ayer)-"Uncle, who's building this
houso?" 'Mr. Hirschbug, he build
do house, but Queon Ammo she drawed
de plan. "-Reformed Messenger.
First Tramp--"I found this hero
bottle o. spring bitters in barl this
mornin'." Second Tramp-"T'row it
away, Fitzey. S'posen dey was to cure
you of that tired foelinH' You might
want to work. PUCK.
Officer Flynn-"Comc, now, il yez
don't got away from there I'll run yoz
in." Boy (peeping through fcncc)-
! "Say, cap, if you'll le' me see dis
double play out I'll let yo take mo to
dc islam fer life. Puck.
"Is Diggins an old baseball player?
| see that he has a mask hanging in his
library" 'No. He puts that on when.
over ho wants to have talk with his
wife about cutting down household OK
pcnses. Detroit Free Press.
'Is ho young man of good al.
dress?" askod ths proprietor when tho
applicant for position had left. II
should say 80, replied the bookkcepcr /;
che lives in one OF tho swellest parts of
the city. Washington Star.
| Mrs Neversee What made You tell
me h" was :hho carver OF mis- own for
tune, when he got every dollar he has
/ H.. hn.-
"Hump! He had to cut out half dozen
follows to get her, didn't hc?"-Buffalo
Courier.
Out of Place: "Of course, you hnvo
somebody to cleant the boots and knives
and somebody to do the kitchen-'
"Oh, of course, and 1 send the beds
out to be made. wanted somebody
only to he looked at-but you WONT
do. Good morning. Judy.
81 tell you," sad tho proud father
as he replaced letter in its envelope,
that youngster f ffrasaassri miRs is noiRwS bs.13 Is
makes ehSSso SSoa @s65h ts65ihni sos" Hes only tiv. M
years old and he writes to me il
dialect. Washington Star.
Mrs. Hichurch las she gazes out of
the window on rainy Sunday morn.
mg)-"Yes; it'strus. Providence does
temper the wind to the shorn lamb. u
Mr. What makes you say
so?' Mrs. Hichurch--"Why, my new
bonnet didn't come home last night II
Puck.
Fond Mother--"Here's something
about a baby whose head measures
twenty-five inches in circumference.
Is there any danger of our darling be-
ing so deformed?" Skeptical Father
mo, dear; not unless he could under.
stand and believe all tho things you
say to him. ."-Tit-Bits.
| Antics of the Mullet.