davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

and the big man came to exchange
words, The first we heard of the row
the big man was saying:
"You Yankees is great on the Drag,
and that's all you can do"
well, l dunno" replied Boston.
"But 1 do. When did you ever do q
bloomink, blasted thing?"
"How about 1776?"
"Never heard of It'll"
"How about 1922"
"Never heard of ltp
"Did you ever hear of Bunker Hill ?"
81 have, sir. That's where 600 red
coats licked the life out of 1000 brag-
ging Yankeesp
81 guess not.
"NOtl Does you dare to dispute the
Liverpool Kid?"
You'd better read what history
says"
Il have done that ERE, you bloomink
idiot, and it says as how all you Yam
KEGS run at the first fire! Don't it
Row?"
81 never heard that it did"
@EDon't it say that2"
The big fellow had pushed up his
sleeves and put up his fists, and it was
plain that q row was on hand He was
big enough to eat two such men as
Boston, while he had friends to look
out for the rest of us. Our companion
therefore took the most prudent course
and acknowledged that history might
say SO, and probably did say so. This
satisfied the big fellow, and he turned
away and glared at Frenchman, also
q tourist, who had come in later. After
q long stare he walked up to Grape
and shouted:
Blast yer bloominll parley vous, but
we've always licked ye our of yer boots
on land and seal"
you speak Won big liel" shouted the
Frenchman, hot in minute.
What! Call the Liverpool Kid
liar to his facet"
"Ayel and shall now give you Won
awful beeg licking"
johnny" got out of his coat in
jiffy, danced around with his hands
up, and to our utter establishment the
Kid went right down into his boots
and skunk out of the room, having no
more pluck than hen. We sat there
for five minutes before any one spoke.
Then it was the Boston man who said
Gust think of it'll / can lick six
fellows like that banty Frenchman,
and yet the big duffer made me swal-
low two wars of independence and
Bunker Hill on top of them!"-N. Y.
Sun.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21
They Died Sober.

AprOpos of General Cutcheon's re-
marks on social drinking in Washing
ton, the General was led to tell the
story of an army experience of his
with whisky. 1t was in the trenches
before Petersburg. AS colonel of the
regiment he had prohibited the sale of
liquor save on q doctors order, and in
that case prohibition prohibited, SAYS
the Detroit Tribune. The division
commander, however, issued orders
that ration of whisky should be
served to each man in the trenches,
and the liquor for the Twentieth Mich
igan was brought in two great iron
kettles AS the men clustered around
with their cups some one cried out:
%Boys, if I'm going to be shot to-day,
1 want to die sober"
The cry was taken up by the regi-
ment. The kettles were seized by
willing hands and the whisky was
poured on the ground. Fifty-two out
of 10 OF the brave Michigan boys of
the Twentieth were shot that day and
every one who died died sober.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Colonel Barney won promotion and in
the battle Of Charlottesville he com
manded division and was one of the
commanders who did not return back
across the Rappahannocll when
Hooker's army retreated. Virginia's
soil drank his blood and his spirit
went direct from the battlefield Of
Charlottesville to heaven even if he
did swear in the battle on the PENN
sula, American Tribune.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

L1TELEIGH-It was an unfortunate
thing the devil tempted Eve in the
form Of serpent. Biteleigh-In
what wayP Liteleigh-Well, il he
had approached her in the form of a
mouse Adam would never have tasted
that apple. Puck.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21
THE MoDEliN MOTHER

Has found that her little ones are improved
more by the pleasant laxative, Syrup Of Figs
when in need of the laxative effect of n gen.
tie remedy than by any other, and that II Is
more acceptable TO them. Children enjoy ii
and it benefits them. The true remedy, Syr-
up Of Figs, is manufactured by the Califor-
mia Fig Syrup Co., only,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Lanes Medicine Moves the Bowels
Each Day. In order TO be healthy this is
necessary. Cures constipation, headache
kidney and liver troubles and regulates the
stomach and bowels. Price 50c and $l00 at
oil dealers.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

"Reins has queer habit. Whenever he K
ont driving and he secs man standing on 4
corner, he whips up his horse and passes him
in a hurry" TITS u force OF habit he used
to be street cur driver"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Anti-Lean Diet.-Housekeep The idea
Of great fat fellow like you going around
begging. Tramp; Please, mum, 1t isn't fat
Twas 30 thin at the last town went to that a
good, kind woman took pity on me, and fed
me with yeast cakes.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21
why He Was Not KILLED.

Were you ever shot in the war,
eolonel?" asked the young woman OF
the warrior, after listening to some Of
his exceedingly bloodcurdling reminis-
cences of the. late unpleasantness
"Once only. A bullet struck me right
here, putting his hand directly over
his heart. "Dear mel" she cried; why
didn't 1t kill you? That is where your
heart is" "True." returned the col
Onel, 1T is where my heart is now, but
at the time l was shot, fortunately
enough, my heart was in my mouth"
Harper's Magazine.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Coughs and Colds. Those who are sur
fering from Coughs, Colds, Sore Throat,
ETC., should try BRowN's BRONCHIAL Tho.
oHEs. Sold only IN bonCS.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

PADEREWsKI has left Paris and gone
to Poland for we'll earned rest. He
is to return to England in October, and
no one will be surprised if he comes
across the Atlantic again.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

PRESIDENT RoDRIeUEz, Of. Costa
RIGA, has been unsuccessful in his
attempt to borrow s1,0OO,OOO. He
will meet with wide sympathy.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

BEEoHAMs Pills act like magic on tho
liver and other vital organs, One dose TO-
lieves sick headache in 20 minutes.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Patients All, Doctor, l feel that am az
deaths door Doctor enthusiastically
Oh, don't fear. Wen pull you through.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

OUR idea Of rash, foolhardy man
is one who will dare to read out loud
in the presence of a school teacher.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Had Studied Some,--Little Dot; What
kind Of COW is mich COW? Little Dick I
It's the kind that gives Dutch milk.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

MORE bread and fewer prayers for
the hungry is what is needed in the
large cities.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Chappie I'm awfully fond Of huntinl
dogs. She Gnnocently); Yes2 Where do
you 60 to hunt themp
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

1r tho Baby Il Cutting Teeth,
Be sure and use that old and wcLtrled remedy, MIA
WINsLHV's soo-HiNd sYRuP for Children ToOthlng,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Willie; How do you get such beautiful
English fit to youah clothes, deah boy2
Cholle: | have them mcasuehed on me man
doncherknow.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

''The sentence is that We be hanged" sale
a Welsh judge so poor criminal. ''and |
hope it may prove warning to YOU"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21
German
Syrup"

Ny niece, Emeline Hawley, was,
taken with splitting blood, and she
became very much alarmed, fearing
that dreaded disease, Consumption.
She tried nearly all kinds of medi-
cinebut nothing did her any good.
Finally she took German Syrup and
she told me it did her more good
than anything she ever tried. 1t
stopped the blood, gave her strength
and ease, and good appetite. I
had it from her own lips. Mrs.
Mary A. Stacey, Trumbull, Conn.
Honor to German Syrup. a.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21
BLUE AND THE GRAY.
BRAVE MEN WHO MET ON
THE FIELD OF BATTLE.

Thrilling Stories of the RebellIon-Old
Soldiers and Sailors ReCIte Interesting
"reminiscences of Life in Camp and on
tho Fleld-Incldents of the War.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21
LenIent DIscInlInc.

KULKING and
misbehavior in ac-
ton were treated
severely by all
worthy command
Ming officers" says
eOapt. G. A. Stew
Jews, historian of
This company "but
disobedience of or
ders of an unim-
portant or trivial
nature, where the
comfort of the sol
der was concerned
was sometimes
treated leniently."
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

81 think love of football must de inher-
ent in the Pigskin family" "What makea
you think soP" "Why, whenever little Jem-
mic wants to play the game, his mother
kicks.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

The astronomers business, in spite of the
dull times, is looking up.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21
What a Boston Man Swallowed.

)HERE were q
number Of us in
one of the Lon
d on taverus
made famous by
Dickens, when
n great, big fell
low slouched in
and made him
self very disa-
greeable with
his mouth. One
Of our party was
o man from Bos-
ton, and some
way or other he
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Polar ReBults.-Teachor: What have the
various expeditions to the North Pole accom-
plshed3 Dull Boy; Made 'ography lessons
harder.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

The season here when the bravest of us is
are glad TO get under cover.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

COe'a Cough BRIsRm
Is the Oldest md best. Itw break up o Cold quoh.
than anything else. II In always reliable. Try It.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

See Colchester spad,nG boots aav. III other column
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-12-21

Miss Sereleaf; Love is blind, you know.
Miss Sharply; Aren't you thankful
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09
A Modern Miracle.


If the man who makes two blades of
grass grow where only one grew before
is entitled to be called a public bene-
factor, certainly the man who turns
an odious stencil into a pleasing fra
GRANGE has a claim for credit not to
be ignored. The days of neCromancy
are not past; they are only beginning,
and in dingy red brick house on the
East Side of this city a striking exam
pie Of this fact may be seen at any
time.
There is probably no person who
regards rancid butter as anything but
a highly offensive substance, and
there are few, outside the uninitiated,
who can think Of any better use to be
made of it than to throw it into the
ash barrel. The initiated know bet
ter There are few housewives and
cooks who, when they flavor their
custards, pies, cakes, etc, with deli
cious essence of pineappe, do not
imagine that tons of that luscious
tropical fruit are daily gathered by
dusky natives from waving palms and
amid scenes of harvest reyelry, and
then squeezed Of their fragrant juice
for the special benefit Of the Ameri-
can palate, But the trade" knows
that the pineapple oil of commerce is
really butyric ether.
Now, there is no cause for alarm to
the reader who first becomes aware
of that fact by reading this article.
Butyric ether is a charmingly fra
grant, innocuous and delightful sub
stance, and if the genuine pineapple
itself were not pretty full Of it, that
much-pri2ed fruit would command no
better price than turnipS; perhaps
not as good. The only startling
feature is the fact that butyric ether,
which tastes and smells so good in
custard or soda water, is produced
from the most horribly rancid butter.
Turning pure water into new wine
seems simple alongside this modern
miracle.
The miracle worker takes his rancid
butter and mixes it into a soapy
lather with potash and sulphuric
acid at first This results in a thin.
oily liquid which has even a more
persistently rancid odor than the but
ter had at first. 1t is then called
butyric acid BEING distilled with
alcohol and more sulphuric acid, the
marvellous result is a fragrant and
altogether delightful substance
known as butyric ether, or pineapple
oil, Used in moderation it does no
harm to the stomach, but it should
not be used as a perfume, because
when inhaled it tends to cause irrita-
ton of the air tubes and intense
headache. New York Tribune.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

In active business life, the world
over, men learn to take their ups and
downs with calmness. The rich man
of to-day may be the poor man of to-
morrow, with no course open but to
pay his debts and toll upward again.
A fnancier of Paris, who had been
at the top of the heap" saw his
wealth swept away. His friends came
in to condOle with him. They found
him cheerful,
"Ah, WE'LL" he said, 81 am living
along, and disturbing just as few of
my habits as possible. get up at
nine o'clock, just as l always used
to, and ring the bell for my valet de
Chambre--"
what" his friends exclaimed. "Are
you still able to keep a valet?"
"Oh, no." said the ruined man,
signing a little; "but keep the bell!"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

The manufacture Of war clouds ia
again an active industry in Europe.
France, according to some of the
German statesmen, is soon to see the
republic overturned and a dictator
ship established, an early result of
which change is to be a declaration of
war on Germany The Egyptian
question, in its new phase, according
to many diplomates, is going to lead
to trouble between France and En-
gland, while Russia is beginning to
prepare for either an attack on India
or a march on Constantinople. OF
course these war stories come as a
godsend to William H. and Premier
Caprivi. They make dozens of votes
for Williams army bill in the Reich
stag.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

rose from his seat, and without the
slightest hesitation, stalked across
the room with military precision and
in the most natural and matter-of-
fact manner kissed her! OF course
she was furiously angry, and she was
not at all appeased when she was told
that it was well-known German
custom, and that she had brought it
upon herself by putting on Graf
SIS helmet, She appeared TO
have forgiven him the next evening,
moreover, for they danced the "cotil-
lion" together at the court ball; and
not more than fortnight later Nine,
R., Edith As quondam host
ess at the eyentful dinner, burst in
upon some Of her particular cronles,
who were having afternoon tea at a
friends house, with: "Only fancy!
What fun! have just heard Graf
S propose to Edith | took them
to the picture gallery this afternoon,
and seeing friend, left them for a
few minutes in the little room where
the Sistine Madonna is; and when /
returned was startled by hearing
Count S. saying in his wonder
fully funny English; Il have lofed
since the first eyewink' (augenblick).
l nearly screamed with laughter, but
as they had not seen me / beat a hur-
ried retreat and left them there, and
here | am"
OF course the company were greatly
edited, and when Edith herself
sauntered in an hour later to find her
friend she was surprised at their
hilarity, and it was many months
after she had been married into the
same regiment as Madame R.,
that the latter lady ventured to tell
her how she had inadvertently over
heard the proposal. New York
Tribune.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09
ENa1ANn,s dlnlomatic

ENaLAND's diplomatic buffer,
Ambassador Cremer, seems in call
ing down" the Khcdive of Egypt to
have detached a little more than he
or his country is able to mastlcate
with that grace which should char
acterize "the Queens taste" Abbas,
the son, is made Of stcrner stuff than
was Tewfik, the father, and his sim
uous Oriental yertebrH are receiving
some wholesome Occidental bracing
from some very ram-roddy gentle
men in the diplomatic service of both
France and Russia.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

THE public of the country is to he
congratulated because of the fact
that one of the most detestab!e of
practical jokcrs has met with we'll
merited punishment at the hands of
his victims. 1t will be remembered
how the newspapers some weeks ago
published an account of a terrible
riot in Bakersville, N. c., and how
the affair on investigation proved
one of the boldest flakes" ever known.
j. II. Hyams was the originator of
the report. In recent fight with
Capt. H. +. Perry one of those re-
ported dead, Hyams was badly
whippd and will be the possessor of
a sore head for many days.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

THE Almanach de GoJha Of 1898
mentions only four American ladies
as having married Englishmen of du-
cal families, These are the Duchess
of Manchester, nee Miss Yznaga; the
Duchess of Marlborough nee Mrs.
Hamersley; Lady Randolph Churchill,
nee Miss jerome, married to the uncle
of the present Duke of Marlborough;
and Mrs. Caycndish Bcntinck, nee
Miss Bessie Livingston, married to
Mr.. Cayendish Bentinck, cousin of
the Duke of Portland. There are
many American ladies mentioned as
having married members Of the no.
bility of France, Germany and Italy,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

THE typewriters' trust, the seduc-
tive combination Of winning beauties
who daily pound the keys and adjust
the bands Of the half-mllion type
writing machines downtown, has re-
suited in the creation Of a body hos
tile to it, The wives and mothers
in-law of business men are forming
in a solid corporation to watch the
pretty manipulators Of the clicking
keys. Between these two unions, each
of which has eagle eyes upon him,
the average business man is liable to
be a little worried. Fancy visiting
committee of mothers-in-law and
red-headed wives colliding in his
Office with the inspectors of the type
writer's trust He would be crushed
between the two!
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09
A Costly Manuscript.

A papyrus manuscript found in the
den of an old hermit in cave near
Jerusalem in the year 1880, and which
experts have all along believed to
have been the handiwork of st. Peter,
"the friend of Christ, was submitted
to a committee of the Biblical So
ciety of London in 1890. They have
arrived at the conclusion that the
work is in reality exactly what it
porports to be-the latest literary
work of the great apostle. 1t has
not been ascertaincd exactly who has
charge of the relic, but it is said that
a society of British literary volupt-
uaries" has offered $1,000 for the
document.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

A contemporary remarks that, in
spite Of the large sums paid every
year in India as rewards for the de-
struction of poisonous reptiles, the
latter seem to be as numerous as
ever, no less than 800 persons having
been killed in tae Punjaub last year
by snake bites. Our contemporary
suggests that the prevalence of
snakes may be attributed partly to
the Mussulman prejudice against
swine and to the British love of pig
sticking. Snakes and hogs cannot
live together, and, in the struggle
for existence, it is the hogs that sur
vive On the whole, we should be
more inclined to attribute the snakes
to the high rewards that are offered for
their destruction. The willy native
is quite capable of keeping preserves
of them, and thus earning dishon-
est ard rather risky livelihood.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

PERHAPS the most profitable busi'
ness in this country is that done by
the Government minis in the coinage
Of silver and minor coins. During
the past fourteen years the Govern
ment has coined 416, 412,S 1913 silver
dollars. The quantity Of silver con-
tanned in each cost from 60 to 90
cents during the period, and was in
effect sold for 100 cents. On subsidiary
silver coinage there is also hand
some profit. The total gain to the
Treasury from both sources from 1873
to 1892 amounts to $72, 1856, 065, IS.
On the coinage Of 1-cent and Scent
pieces the rate Of profit is even
greater. A pound Of bronze, which
costs less than 20 cents, is worth
$1.46 when made into l-cent pieces.
"A pound of nickel, costing less than
80 cents, is coined into value Of
$4.53 in scent nickels. For the
fiscal year 1891 and 1892 there were
coined of the former 81, 1873, 29j. 30 at
d profit of 1914, 1875, and of the
latter 81, $40, 217.65, at a profit Of
81, 428, O21,5S. During the past year,
although the profits of the minis
were greatly reduced owing to the
reduction in the coinage of silver
dollars under the law Of 1890, they
aggregated So, 294, 2SS. 20, which gave
net gain over all expenses of the
minis and assay Offices of $703, 794.17.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09
A coRREspoNDENr Of the chicago

A CORRESPONDENT of the Chicago
Herald, signing herself "Saleslady,"
takes up the cudgels for her class in
a vigorous and well-written communi-
cation. She says in effect that it is
no ones business save their own if fe-
male employees in stores choose to
work for $40, $40 or SO week; that
their lot is better than that of do
mestics, because they have some time
each day to call their own. she al
leges further that the girl at the
counter is more frequently ill-used
by the ladies whom she waits on than
by her employer, and she finishes
with the following declaration:
"People look upon clerks as an I'M
tutored set, but the greater number
of clerks are well educated, and
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

among their number are more refined
and intelligent girls than in the
cream Of society,"" All Of which shows
that the American woman, whether
found behind a counter, in kitchen
or in a parlor is plucky and indie
pendent being, and that whoever
treads on her toes will hear the
American eagle scream.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09
RasCally Heather.

In the straits settlements the Chi
nese appeaE to be occasionally more
than a match for the Western bar
barian. 1t is the practice Of the
merchants selling goods to receive
payment in rolls of copper coin done
up in paper, each roll containing 50
cents, and it has occurred to some of
their customers to substitute for the
rolls packages containing Il piece of
bar iron the exact size and weight of
a roll of As cents. An ordinary cent
is put on each end of the bar, in case
the end Of the roll should be opened.
One merchant, it is stated, received
recently $40 in alleged rolls of copper,
and found, on opening them, that
each roll contained two cents and an
iron bar. The unlucky dupe, it is
added, failed to obtain conviction
from lack of sufficient evidence,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-09

THE REV. SAM SMALL has got tired
of preaching to q church full Of
people, and has again entered The
service of the Atlanta Constitution,
where he will have a larger audience.
No man can find greater opportuni-
ties to do good for his fellows than
upon a great daily newspaper.