St. Landry democrat., 1893-12-30
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

MEN OF THE PRESS.
Ought to Suffer-No Change In the
Name-Circumstanc Alter Cases
Natural Sight, Etc, Etc
OUGHT TO SUFFER.
Barher-Does the razor feel sir?
Patron (grOaning )-Umph! | hope it
does. It deserves to- Chicago Rec
ord.
NO CHANGE IN THE NAME.
Scene on the deck of mail steamer at
sea. AESTHETIC Passenger Ito Old Salt
Can you tell me, my good man, the
name of that fine bird lowering about?
Old Salt-That's halbatross sir.
AZ. P.-Dear me! quite rara avis, is
it not?
0. S.-Dunno, sir. I've always heerd
it called halbatross.
IL. P.-Yes, yes, my good fellow, but
call that rara avis Just as [ call you a
genus homo.
O. S. (indignantly(-Oh, do you2
Then I calls that a halbatross, just the
same as I calls you blooming humbug
= Tit Bits.
CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES.
At the Hospital. 1.-The physician on
duty approached bed and felt the pulse
of one of the patients. "Ah.h he OK
claimed, che is much better than he was
yesterday"
That is true" answered the nurse,
"but it isn't the same patient; the other
man is dead and this one has taken his
place"
"Ah! that alters the case. Well, never
mind, go on with the same treatment. -
La Moda.
NATURAL LIGHT.
Shingiss-How' trade, Dinwiddie?
Dinwiddie-Light; decidedly light.
Shingles with malice aforethoughD-
But Thought you were in the heavy cast
ing business.
Dinwiddie-No; quit that two months
ago. I'm in the feather trade now
lPittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
A TRICK OF THE TRADE.
Newsboy "a novice)-Extry specially!
Collision of two men-of-war! -Four hun
dred killed!
Bigger Newsboy-What an ass you
are. If you 60 and tell folks all about it,
nobody will want to buy the paper. Let
me show you what you've got to shout;
this is it:-''Extra special! Aw, aw =
oh, h!-wah, wah WOW !-ho !,-wah,
wah, wah hoy p Eur Erheiterung
SHE WAS BOUND TO SAVE II.
1t was the highly cultivated girls first
effort at baking.
Dear me-" She said; "there must be
something wrong with that loaf Of
bread.'
Il Think replied her mother, gently,
"that you had better throw it away"
Throw away the first bread [ ever
bakedE"
eyes; most of us have to, you know"
"Never. | know what I'll do. I'll
put some cuneiform inscriptions on it
and send it to the seminary museum"
Il Washington Star.
A HUNTING EPISODE.
Gee Whitaker, Nimrod, You've
shot your dog
"Thank goodness. I've succeeded in
hitting something at last = TRUTH.
DouBLY DlsTREssFuL.
His borrowing has caused loss
To him as we'll as me;
For | have lost the money loaned,
And he his memory Puck.
PLACING A LIMIT.
"Will you love me forever" she queried,
'Forevcr, DEAR sir, and day?'
ayes, indeed, he with fervor, responded,
cat any rate-er-for day.
: Kansas City Journal.
MATTER OF DOUBT.
Mr.. F.-Iour former servant girl
wants me to hire her is she honest and
reliable?
Dressmakcr-I can't say. have sent
her to you with your bill five or six
times, but she has never brought lie
back my money. -LTexas Siftings.
WHY NOT?
Bobby-Pa, do they call young
eagle an eaglet?
Pa-Yes, Bobby.
Bobby-1hcn suppose little bull
is buIIet.-t Judge.
AN TNBLUsHING CONFESSION.
| held her hand, her little hand,
SO soft, and small, and white,
/ pressed it often to my lips,
And clasped its fingers tight,
That loving clasp my love declared,
And | was not ashamed
TO own I loved her, for who could
For loving her be blamed?
She let her hand, her little hand,
Rest lovingly in mine,
Ny tender pressures she returned,
Like tendrils Of vine,
Her little fingers clasped mine close,
And her affection told.
And why not? She's my daughter, and
To-day she's four years old.
II Somerville Journal.
NO ESCAPE.
I dreamt I dwclt in marble halls;
felt at case, with life content,
Till fancy brought the landlords call;
He came, alas to get the rent.
- Buffalo Courier.
NICE DISTINCTION.
Tourist notice you charge different
prices for seats in your omnibus. How
is that?
Omnibus Drive--lt's this way. When
we get to hill the frst-class passengers
may keep their seats, the second class
passengers must get out and the third
class passengers must shove behind