St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-08-13
MATRIMONIAL ROMANCE.
vi. Alden in the Idler.

Ulteen years ana HoNeT nau any WIG
whatever"
The colonel had begun a story con-
corning one Josiah Wilson, which prom
ised to be interesting, but his incidental
allusion to Mr.. Wilson's matrimonia!
experience awakened our curiosity,
and we begged him to interrupt his
narrative long enough to tell US how 1t
came 10 pass that Josiah was a married
man who never had a wife.
The marriage laws in the United
States" said the colonel, giving his
char an increased tilt backward, which
was his usual way of beginning fresh
anecdote, "are rs peculiar in their way
rs are the divorce laws. You would
think to look at them that they would
permit anybody to marry anybody
else III any way that either of them
might choose, but for that they some
times make it impossible for man or a
woman 10 get married. There was a
couple who intended to be married in a
balloon, which is style of lunacy that
is quite fashionable in some parts Of the
country, though | can't see why man
should want to risk his neck in bal
loon OH his wedding day, unless it is
that it takes so much courage to be
married at ali that a man forgets all
about such minor dangers as are con-
nected with ballooning.
1.-The bride, the minister and two
witnesses of assorted sexes went up in
the balloon at the appointed time, and.
naturally, the bridegroom intended to
go with them; but he accidentally
caught his foot in neglected guy rope,
and went up head downward about
twenty feet below the car. The party
in the balloon could not haul him
up because they could not get
hold of the rope. and the bride
would not consent to give up the trip,
because the groom had always been q
little shy, and she was afraid that, if
she let him go this time, she might not
be able to land him again. So the par
son went on with the ceremony, and the
groom made most of his responses in
bad language, and hOwled for help when
he wasn't swearing.
When the ceremony was over the
aeronaut managed to land the balloon
without seriously damaging the bride
groom. but when, year or two after
ward, the bride wanted to get her di-
vOrce, the court held that there had
never been any marriage. for the reason
that both the groom and The bride had
not appeared together in the presence
of the officiating minister, and that,
furthermore. there was no provision in
the law which would permit man to be
married upside down.
But to get back to Josiah Wilson.
He lived in Indiana, close to the
boundary line between that state and
Illinois, and he cOurted Melinda Smith,
young woman who lived a little way
up the mountain side with heI
was anxious to be married, put
her family woc ipaH aUnipct If
You see Josiah was a Republican
and a Methodist, while the Smiths were
Democrats and Baptists, and. naturally
they hated each other like poison, and
one night as old man Smith and Josiah
met on their way to rival prayer meet
ingS, they exchanged revolver shots,
without. however, doing any harm.
"Then once Josiah had most of the
calf of his leg taken Off by the Smiths
bulldog, and twice the Smith boys came
into the sitting room where Josiah was
calling on Melinda, and suggested to
him with their ShOtguns that he had
better 20 home. Gradually Josiah and
Melinda came to the conclusion that her
match, so they determined to elope and
be married without the knowledge or
consent of anybody.
''One dark night Josiah carried lad
der, and planted it under Melinda's win
dow. He had advised her to walk out
of the front door, which was always left
unlocked at night, but she refused, say
ing that if She was going to elope she
should do it in the proper way, and that
ii Josiah had no respect for her she had
some respect for herself. She climbed
down the ladder with good deal OF diff
ficulty, because she insisted that Josiah
should help her, and also that he should
stand forty yards away, for reasons con-
nected with her ankles, and he found it
rather trying 10 follow out these COLI
Trajectory orders.
However, Melinda reached the
ground at last, and the pair started in a
carriage that had been waiting just
around the bend in the road in COM
pany with the Methodist minister. Their
plan was to drive to the next town and
there to be married, but it happened
that one of the Smith boys. being rest
less got up IN the night, and looking out
of the window saw the ladder standing
at Melinda's window. in about twenty
minutes after the young couple had
started the whole Smith family and
their shOtgunS were following the run
awayS in wagon and gaining on them
fast.
1.-The Methodist minister. whose hear
Ing was unusually good, heard the
sound of hoofs before Josiah noticed 1t,
and told the young people that there
was not the least doubt that they were
pursued and would be oyertaken in a
few minutes. And then, you know,
he added. the chances are that, being
BaptiSts, they will shoot first and ask
for explanations afterward. The only
thing for us to do is TO get the marriage
ceremony over before they come up.
Then they will see that opposition is OF
no use and Will listen to reason
Josiah and Melinda at once con-
sented, and the parS0n, noticing little
clearing in the woods on the left hand
side of the road, and fiat sort of tomb
stone standing in the middle of it, SAID
that he would stand on that stone and
marry his young friends so quick that
IL would make their hair curl. He was
particularly glad to meet with handy
tombstone, for he said that tombstone
was the next thing to a church. and
that to be married by the size of tomt
would be almost as solemn as to be mar
ried in minister's study. So the party
hastily descended, the parson mounted
the stone, Josiah and Melinda Joined
hands in front of him and they were
married, and the parson had kissed the
pOChCbCU lllS lCO JuSG do LII
Smiths wagon drove up and the Smith
boys cooked their guns and covered the
party.
But the parson was wide awake. HI
had his revolver out and old man Smltl
covered before anybody had taken ain
at him, but instead of shooting he re
marked that he was minister of thu
blessed gospel Of peace; that there wa
no necessity for bloOdshed, and that III
would blow q hole through old Smitl
unless the Smith boys lowered thei
weapons and consented to argue th'
matter. The fact is, Col. Smith, SAT-
the parson, you're too late. The youn!
people are legally married, and tn
sooner you accept the situation the bet
ter. l married them not two minute
ago, standing on that identical tomb
stone
Colonel Smith was lawyer, and tn
sharpest one in that part of the country
He saw the force of the minister's re
marks. so he told the boys to put VI
their guns, and he shook hands witt
the minister. Then he inquired il
acareless sort of way, where Josiah ant