The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1893-01-19
PuNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

PuNoENT PARAGRAPHS.
Husband Didn't you promise to
obey me at the altar?' Wife-"Yes; but
we're not there now!"-Tit-Bita
Visitor-''What is all that noise and
racket In the private Officer Office Boy
20. that's the silent partner going
over the books Life.
Durable. Mother my child In
tongue-tied, Doctor" Doctor-"Um-er-
ah-don't worry about that, madam.
1t isn't inherited" detroit Free Press
Where have you been, doctor?''
Curing hama" Really? Why don't
You buy them already cured?' "You
misunderstood me, I guess I've been
prescribing for . couple Of actorA"-
Omaha World.Herald.
HE told me was the only girl he
ever loved" Sand told it so that you
believed it?'' inquired her contidante.
Yes" II would consider his offer
very carefully. He certainly ought to
do we'll in business "-Washington Star.
Mrs Hicks-"Why, Mrs. Dix, how
pale you look!' Mrs Dix-'Yes, I've
been having lots Of trouble lately with
. boil" Mrs Hicks-'Pm 50 sorry!
Was 1t on your neck?' Mrs. Dix-'.No,
it was on my husband. "-Somerville
Journal.
1--WE don't place any value on things
till wo lose them,'' said Mrs. Smith.
That's so,' said the Widow Jones; Il
never knew what a good husband had
lost until l heard the minister preach
his funeral sermon. IN. Y. Press
Heroic Treatment-Mrs Watts
What is that you are making now?''.
Mrs Potts-''A smoking jacket for my
husband. If that doesn't cure him of
smoking around the house, I don't
know what will. Indianapolis Jour
nal
Keeping His Memory Green.-Miss
Enveygh-"Can it be that the Widow
Wonsommer has put aside her weeds so
soon?" Miss Gellus-''No, not entirely.
She is still wearing them several feet
high over her late husbands grave"-
jury.
look here, Herr Pipser, this canary
you sold me the other day as good
song ester hasn't opened his mouth yet"
"Ah, that is because he is proud bird
He knows that he has not been paid for
yet; and ON credit he does not sing."-
Fliegende Batter.
She (gushingly)-"There are days
when we seem more in unison with
nature than at other times; when our
hearts seem to beat in accord with the
sublime harmony of the universe
Have you ever noticed?" He-'Indeed
I have. 1t is always that way with me
on pay day."
Wasn't it sad about old Millions
failure?" "What! has he failed?" Eyes,
gone clean to smash" ''That's too bad;
he promised me something yesterday,
brit now in his trouble will not hold
him to it." ''That's generous of YOU.
What was it?'' Ills daughters hand
in marriage. Tit Bits
"A well-known total-abstinencel lee
turer recently delivered himself thusly:
II have weapon in my tongue, friends,
collar him, Mr.. Chairman!' yelled a
voice from the back row. "He's a-goin'
to commit suicide. "-Drake's Magazine.
-Good-natured Friend-"What
nice-looking little dear it is" Fond
Mother-''Do you think he takes after
me or his dada" Good-natured Friend
well, don't see any resemblance to
either of you just yet, but you never
can tell, they change SO as they grow
up, and sometimes the prettiest babies
grow up plainest. Fun.
sVThov COW hot e. 1<;ceoe ,.<, %1,<,
sweetest" he said, as they sat on the
steps looking at the moon. "Indeed?"
she said. eyes. What do you think
about it?'' 20, I have no opinion at
all; but it seems to me, if were young
man, 1 wouldn't be long in doubt as to
whether they were or not IN. Y. Press.
ExPoUNOING SCRIPTURE
And Pounding Each Other at the Same
Timo.
In q village in one of the smaller
states of Germany there lived parson
and a clerk who had often quarreled
about some trivial matters relating to
church affairs In the midst of these
petty broils the parson wished to intro
duce something new in the order of
service. to which the clerk objected, on
the ground that it had never been so and
never should be. if he could prevent it.
| Long and heated discussions followed,
in which the clerk, not being so we'll
educated as the parson, was generally
ANONYMOUSLY defeated, his sole argu-
ment being that it had never been SO.
On subsequent Sunday morning the
minister chose as his text, "And unto
him that smiteth thee on the one cheek
offer also the other" When he had con-
cluded very eloquent discourse on this
subject, he brought the service to a
close and proceeded on his way home.
The clerk, whose route lay also in
the same direction, took a short cut
| across the fields, and thus met his old
adversary, the Gle. gyman. Thinking
that the opportunity had at last arrived
for avenging past injuries, he con-
fronted the parson, saying:
LET us see if you can practice as
we'll as you can preach!' He then gave
the parson smart blow on the right
cheek.
The clergyman, determined to act on
his text rather than allow the clerk to
deride and sheer at him, SO he offered
him the left cheek, upon which the
clerk, thinking the parson thoroughly
cowed, promptly administered a heavier
blow than before.
..Noxu said tho Maroon who xvas a