Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1893-10-09
UUMOR OF THE DAY.


last street car. .-Philadelphia Record.
The man who falls in love very often
dislocates his common se.-Puck.
To make bills is human; to pay them
these days-is divine. - Pittsburg
Bulletin.
Forged notes can always be properly
classed among the gilt-edged paper on
q bank. Chicago Inter Ocean.
The most popular bird of passage
arriving at the port of New York this
month is the gold eagle. Baltimore
American.
"That," said tho man who smote a
calamity howler, sis one of the best
financial strokes l ever made. Wash.
ington Star.
The photograph of boy never looks
like him, because no one ever saw o
boy as clean rs he is in n photograph.
-Atchison Globe.
The clerk who attempts to live be-
yond his means will soon be obliged to
live beyond the reach of his friends
New Orleans Picayune.
"What sort of girl is she" on,
she is miss with mission" "Ah?"
"And her mission is seeking man
with mansion. Sketch.
Occasionally you will meet man
who seems to think just MS you do.
What clever ideas he has, and what q
pity he is SO scarce. Blizzard.
Jack the Clipper has been arrested
in New York. The girls whose tresses
he cut will be present at his trial to
upbraid him. Galveston News.
Customer you suppose ,'ou
can take good picture of me" Pho
tographer-- shall have to answer
you in the negative, sir. Vogue.
Unmixed evils rarely occur The
fact that money has been tight is said
to have resulted in good deal OF
sober thought. .-Baltimor American.
1t is not true that "every man
His price has, as they say
know of one, an honest man,
Who gives himself away.
Vogue.
A man never looks so helpless and
insignificant as when standing around
dry goods store waiting for his wife
to get through trading. - Lowell
Courier.
1t is very hard to explain the attrac.
tions of country life to city man who
has Just investigated the voltage of
black faced bumble-bee. - Baltimore
American.
"And you are poor?" eyes, but we
are happy" "Happy in your pov.
erty?" "Yes, for every one around
us is poorer than ourselves. New
York Press.
Miss Antique-"How mean these
newspapers are! Here is column
headed Proposals, and it is all about
public improvements and such non.
sense. The Club.
Mrs. Skidmore (reading) - "Ph i.
ippa Fawcett, who won such great dis
tinction as senior wrangler at Oxford,
is still unmarried" Mr.. Skidmore-
"No wonder. detroit Free Press.
Watts can't see what reason
YOU have for comparing old man
Gotrox to a sausage" Potts-"Be.
cause his stuff is all that makes him of
any consequence. "-IndianapolisJou
nal.
Gaswell--'I'm m disgusted with young
Mr.. Van Braam" Why?"
"He does nothing but flirt with the
girls" "Then you don't like to see
mans efforts all miss directed. -
Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Cant you settle this bill to-day,
sir ?" asked the tailor of the delinquent
NJ. P. "No, Snip, it wouldn't be rs-.
liamentary. I've merely glanced over
it, you know, and / can't pass bill
until after its third reading lid
Bits.
He blushed fiery red; her heart
went pit-a-pat; she gently hung her
head, and looked down on the mat.
He trembled in his speech; he rose
from where he sat, and shouted with
screech, "You're sitting on my hat p
Tid-Bits.
$50 you only have weeks vacation
instead of two, this year?" eyes;
they told me l must either give up
nQlI my VacHIlOu VI IOSS VIZ
and concluded that half loaf was
much better than no bread. Brook
lyn Life.
"Men are not to be trusted, she re.
marked to her younger and more sue.
cessful friend cob, my DEAR" said
her friend, sweetly, "has it taken all
these years to teach you that?" The
silence that followed couldn't be
broken with sledgehammer. De-
troit Free Press
A young lawyer talked four hours
to Indiana jury who felt like lynch
ing him. His opponent, grizzled
old professional, arose, looked sweetly
at the Judge, and said: "Your honor,
l will follow the example of my young
friend, who has just finished, and sub
NIT the case without argument" Then
he sat down, and the silence was large
and oppressive. Christian at Work.