Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1893-07-06
The INCUBUS Incubator.
STAUNToN, Va, }

This is the most wonderful invention
of this scientific 10Th century, and de-
scription of it will not be uninteresting
to your readers. This machine and in
strument is about feet short, . feet
narrow and / inch in thinness. 1t Is
set upon high pedestal and consists in
long automatic tube fixed between
two plates of brass, above which are
two balls of red glass set in vacuum.
Under this automatic tube is bellows
charged with gas, and Immediately be-
meath the bellows is an alchohol
lamp. When this lamp is lighted
the bellows is operated and the gas is
forced into the tube, causing it to emit
continual noise similar to that Of an
asellus in clover. The instrument mag
nifies 80 times and the different changes
in it are made in quarter of minute
of time. 1t was contrived by the i'll
yentor for the sole use of the President
and his cabinet and is designed to per-
petuate the law of hereditaments and
to cause an obliquity of the vision. 1t is
operated in the following manner:
When the President desires to make an
appointment the machine is set before
him, being first removed from its pc
destal. He then looks through the
glass balls into the vacuum
and there is photographed what ap-
pears to him perfect man, thoroughly
qualified and equipped for district-ats
torney, collector, consul or postmaster
as the case may require. The Presi-
dent then touch the Ferrall attached
to the long automatic tube set between
the two plates of brass; the alcohol Ian p
being lighted the instrument begins It's
assinine music, during which the name
of the man photographed in the vacuum
is frequently uttered in the ear of the
President The instrument is then re-
placed upon the pedestal and sent to
the State, Treasury or Postotiice De-
partment as the case may be, and the
head of the department goes
through the same process lex
cept removing the machine from
its high pedestaD sees the man in
the vacuum and hears the same ASST
nine sounds as did the President. and
the IRcaJu Is Incubated. This instru-
mcpt Injuries the vision and will, fused
often, destroy the optic nerves of the
President, but it saves him great deal
of time and labor, as otherwise he
would be compelled to inquire into the
character, capacity and qualifications
of the applicants. The most wonder
ful feature of this instrument is that it
never photographs popular man or
one who has labored for the party or
who has congressional aspirations Boys,
old men, friends and relatives of the
inventor only appear in tie vacuum
and the automatic tube is so
fixed that it will not audibly ut
ter the name of any but those
who are photographed These facts as strange
as it may appear have never been made known
to the President rs the redncss OF the balls OF
glass set in the vacuum Injuries the optic
nerves and the prolonged asSninc sound :
emitted from the automatic tube seriously al
feet the drums Of his cars. There are twelve
of these machines belonging to the State of
Virginia now in use in Washington. Some
few people think that one of them Will be
placed in the Capitol at Richmond in charge
of a Levite to be shown as a model. The
others will be recast and used III future TO
the purpose of pressing brick. l hear that
the inventor is now engaged in the completion
of another and more perfect instrument.
Yours, NUSc PRO lUNc.