Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-08-24

Il UTuG- uedIuSu BlIl anu ~ Ailb 40 NAiJ
trifling, Troy News.
THE way out Of it for Australia 10
to set her pugilists to killing rabbits.
Cleveland Plain Dealer
"WEREN'T you surprised when he
proposed ?" "No. Why should l be9"
Everybody else was. Life.
A DEAF man cannot be legally con-
victed. 1t is unlawful to convict a
man without a hearing. -Slftings.
In a well-regulated family the
olive branch of peace Is sometimes a
stout hickory sprout. Dallas News
ALTHOUGH rheumatism must be
very undesirable, many people seem
bent on having it,-Lowell Courier.
JAasoN says the only way to make
home attractive to our boys is to rent
it to some other family.-Elmira Ga
zette.
SDo YOU believe in a personal
devil?" a believe in everybody until
/ have been deceived, Boston Tran
script.
"DID Bilkem leave anything when
he diedP" Eyes; his creditors They're
the worst left lot you ever saw, =
Buffalo Courier.
BLoUNT looked into the crater, but
the press dispatches don't mention
whether he took a drop Of it or not
Florida Times.
SOME men are so INDECENT that they
wouldn't even take their ease If they
had to 60 out Of the way to get it.
Yonkers Stateman.
IT is the circus clown who realizes
in the most practical manner what 1t
is to have large circle of admirers,
Washington Star.
WHILE it is true that the poor man
is compelled to hump himself to own
a bicycle, it isn't the price alone that
does it,-BufIalo Courier,
SWEARING may give relief to over
worked feelings, but it doesn't bring
hack the excursion boat the swearer
has missed. Chester News.
THE fool seeketh to pluck the fly
from the mules hind leg, but the
wise man letteth the Job to the low
est bidder, Memphis Appeal.
TIE only suspicion Of crookednes'
in heaven came about when an as
tronomer discovered that some Of the
stars had been fxed.-Picayune.
"DoEs Jaggs seemed changed any
since his stay at the gold cure?'
ayes, he's able to drink any kind Of
stuff he can get now. Inter Ocean.
The young lady to whom I became
engaged at the ball last night is
hereby requested to send her name
and address to the Office Of this paper
Ill Secols,
WHEN man reaches the age al
which he is ready to settle down and
stop giving his wife trouble, his sons
have reached the age to begin. AT
Gibson Globe.
"YoU'vE bought a bicycle, eh?
Well, that beats riding in street
car, doesn't it?" ooh, / don't know.
AS it is, old fellow, I frequently have
to give up my seat. Truth.
AT the theater: Mamma, doesn't
papa like music?" Eyes, my child!
why do you ask?" Gle always goes
out between the acts when the band
plays" philadelphia Record.
allow DO you like your new lady
help, Mrs. TodgersP" Il should like
her a good deal more, Mrs. Dodgers
if she was little less the lady and a
little more of a help. "-Tid-Bits.
"REALLY, sir, III pay you in time,
said the young man. Excuse me,
replied the impatient creditor, III
it's all the same I'd rather you'd pay
me ia money. Washington Star.
No-SHIRT is the name of the CHIEF
of the Umatilla tribe. When he
visits the Midway PlaiSance he will
find some of his old friends in the
Dahomey village. Chicago Tribune,
BUT one thing may be said Of
purely personal and private fights;
they have this distinct advantage
over the professional article-they
are never faked.-AnaoOnda Stand
ard.
HARD LABOR Dusty Deliver
oyer find it hard work ter git any
grub hereabouts?" Ragged Robert
eyes; awful hard Most Of the
houses sets away back from the
fence. Puck.
"THE short story seems to be quite
the fad nowadays" said one club man
to another 4Ishould say So 1t seems
to me that nearly every man / meet
stops to tell me how short he is. >
Washington Star
YOUNG WIFE-"Now, sir, I've Civ
en- you half my picnic pies, and you
promised to work for them"
Tramp-"Bless yer sweet eyes, mum,
did-as wuz eatiD' Of 'em."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Mrs. CAROLINE Ito crossing-sweep.
er)--"I have no coppers. I'm sorry. "
Mr.. Birch-"Don't mention it, IN
Ny fault, m, for not known as you
was-a-comin' this way and not gettin'
change for fl'-p'un' note ready. -
Fun.