The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1893-10-15
IT GAVE HIM COMFORT.
An Interview Between the Bad Man
and the Phrenolo gist.
s. W. Foss the New York Tribune.


s. W. Foss the New York Tribune
The venerable phrenologist was puzzled.
He had examined the heads of three gen
erations, and had never yet found man
or woman without some redeeming quail
tiles Of mind. He had always found some
good pumps" on every head
Upon these good bumps it was his babit
to amplify, and his subject usually left
him feeling that they were pdragons of
virtue and models of intellect.
But nov he had a subject before him
whose crdnial de elopment gave no indi-
ca ions of any kind of virtue whatever
He felt that there was no limit to the harm
such man might do. The phrenologists
own incrusted conscience was touched
He resolved that he would not feed this
man on pleasant batteries, as he had all
his previous subjects. He would tell him
the bald, disagreeable truth let the CON
| sequences be what they might.
Sir" said the phrenologist, "in the
first place you are very plain man"
"We1, had that impression" an
svered the subject, 'myself But I am
glad to have this impression emphasized
by such sCien itic opinion as your own
| am very plain and hOmelv man This
is delightful. So was Socrates. His
Athcnian neighbOrs said he looked like a
satyr, which means that he was as home
w as a goat So was Charles the Fifth.
That mouth of his, the Encyclopedia
Britannica intimates, was Il perfect de-
tormity. St Paul, you know, says his
personal presence was mean, and AOra-
ham Lincoln was never mistaken for
beauty. George Eliot you know, would
never have hDr picture taken. | am glad
to know | am in such good company. Go
onr'
.,N-o,,,. +ov,,,o,, 7 4, -. ,l,,,,. : 49, ., -
tinued the phrenOlOgist, lis very fiery
and manageable one"
Good ENOUGH! good enough !" said the
subject, Il thought so myself, but l am
glad to hear you say so You remember
what a temper old Coriolanus had. You
remember how James Parton said An
drew jackson was sometimes like a Gagged
tiger You remember how Washington
used to get mad, and how he swore at
Trenton. You remember how Thomas
Carlyle used to snarl and tear, and how
old Samuel Johnson used to get red in the
face and break the dishes. and how Mar
tin Luther used TO frOth q ound Oh, l
am glad you told me this 1t ranks me
at once with some of the most illustrious
men of the world. Go on. go on let's
hear some more"
My friend, it pains me inexpressibly to
say it, continued the phrenologist, but
you are a thief
rGood good this is better than I ex-
pected Why, Just look at Lord Bacon,
one OF the greatest men the world ever
produced, and just think of his embezzle-
ments. Then look at Shakespeare, the
very greatest man the world ever knew.
He stole deer. / never expected TO be
ranked with Bacon and Shakespeare.
Professor, here is another dollar. Go on
60 on!
"You are an awful liar"
"Hurrah this is turning out much bet
ter than / expected. So was Napoleon
Bonaparte, 50 was Edgar A. Poe and
| Cardinal Richelieu and Cardinal Wolsey
and Machiayelli and"
You are apt 10 be glum, moody and
unsociable
Good 80 was Grant. Hawthorne. W. o.
liam the Silent, Dante and
You are vain and cOnceted H."
Glorious. glorious You remember
Julius Caesar Was So vain that be used ID
wear wreath 10 cover up has badness