Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1893-07-01
PTTH AND POINT.

SnakeepearS hamlet --otrattofd
Dreams of fair women-Every man
does.
Capital punishment "A reduction OF
salary.
A sheep skin Palming OF goat for
mutton. Truth.
A time table-One bought on the
installment plan.
When money gets tight it is locked
up.--Elmira Gazette.
The lawyers charge is usually
heavier than the iudge's.-Truth.
Beware of little sins Mosquitoes
drink more blood than lions. Texas
Siftings
"What did she see about old Ducats
10 attract her?' "He is half dead. -
Chicago InterOcean.
She-"lhis fur rug is very beautiful /;
to what beast does it belong?' He
(candidly) ''To me. Jury.
While great many things are en-
tirely different from what they seem,
as rule the hen goes as she lays
Buffalo Courier.
rs your garden coming up
rapidly?' eyes, very; the chickens
have discovered where there is paling
off. Chicago InterO Ocean.
One difference between the optimist
and the pessimist is this-The latter
eats oatmeal Cruel and has dyspepsia ;
the former, mince pie and thrives.
Healthy Apartments in the Country F.;
'Dear me, what an unpleasant odor.
Can it be the drains?" Cant be the
drains, miss, eos there amt any. -
Judy.
Tommy-''Paw, when they send
letters to the dead letter office, what is
it that kills them?" Mr. Figg-" They
are stamped to death, guess. In
dianapolis journal.
Tommy-''Pa what do men grind
the faces of the poor for? This news
paper says they do" Mr.. Figg-''To
make dust ont of them, OF course. -
indianapolis Journal.
''Do you know whether or not Miss
Riteverse was ever a dressmaker ?"
"No; why?" "The thoughts in her
last book were clothed SO beautifully. "
Chicago InterOcean.
Father, will you buy me type
writer?' "Why, what on earth do
you want with typewriter" 81 want
it SOS | can have an excuse for my bad
spellin'. Washington Star.
Young Man-'5o Miss Ella is your
oldest sister? Who comes after herr"
Small Brother-"Nobody amt come as
yet; but pa says the first fellow that
comes can have her. "-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Poindexter mortified 81
heard to-day that Mr.. Collingwood
leads double life" Miss Forty
with n sigh That's much better
than single one. Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Figg-" Here is Chinese kite
that [ bought downtown for you. T"
Tommy -"You don't never give mo
nothing without it has string to it,
some way OF other indianapolis
journal.
Mrs. Brown-"George, have you
seen that china l have been painting?"
Mr.. Brown-''Yes; L heard you say
you wanted it fired, so / let it go out
the window at cat last night. "-Har-
ward Lampoon.
''How are sandwiches quoted now?'
said one railway passenger to another,
who was coming from a refreshment
stand at the station with couple in
his hand. Firm to hard at ten
cents, was the reply. Brooklyn Life
Cholly-'' How often does your tailor
send in his bills?" Fweddie every
week" Cholly-"Gracious, you don't
get clothes that often, do your
Fweddie-"No, and neyether does the
tailor get his money. Detroit Free
Press
Lawyer-"You are engaged as an
expert in this case, l believe?' Ply
sician-"Yes, sir" LAWYER "YoU
will please give your testimony" Ply.
sician-'I beg your pardon, but until
L know what am expected 10 prove, il
will be impossible for me TO go on. -
Boston Transcript
Miss Laura sob, auntie, lou re-
member Mr.. Meeker, who went from
here as a missionary? [ have past
heard that those awful cannibals ate
him" Aunt Sophronie ia, me! |
do hope they cooked him with turnips
The poor dear man was so fond of
turnips. "-Tit-Bits.
Indignant Tourist to Partisan hotel
manager who has Just presented his
bilD here. You have charged
me fifty centimes for writing paper,
and you know very well You have not
furnished me with scrap" Manager
--''Oui, monsieur, but it is for the
paper on which your bill is made out. "
--Tit-Bits.