Waterbury evening Democrat., 1893-04-14
FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS.
A Reporter Who Could Write Without n
 aOOarlfinO.

A Reporter Who Could Write Without Ex-
 aggerating.
 ''Now," said the editor of the Quo hosh Genius of Liberty to his reporter, in your work I shall look for calm, dispassionate statement of fact My paper is noted for its veracity, and no exaggeration is allowed on any subject Do you think you understand that clearly?"
 "Yes, sir.
 '"Then you may attend the Skimgul- let-Dumsquizzle wedding which takes place at noon to-day, and I'll see how you handle it." said the editor, turning to his desk.
 This is what the new reporter handed in after the festivities were over:
 Ut is the custom of most newspapers, in giving accounts of local weddings, to speak of the bride as beautiful, even if she is as ugly as a mud fence. The Genius of Liberty scorns such fattery, however. If a woman is beautiful we hesitate not to say so, but if she is not, it is not our fault We proclaim the fact We wish we could say that Miss Melinda Dumsquizzle, who became Mrs Dennls Skimgullet at noon to-day, was lovely in form and feature, but we can not While we have seen uglier girls, 1t must be conceded by all impartial ob- servers that brick-dust hair and @ mul- titude of freckles do not look we'll on a bride. However, she did the best she could under the circumstances in wear ing a tolerably thick veil, and rigged out as she was in a dress of cream satin, looked quite presentable at a dis
 
 said of her husband, who walked with limp and whose sparse ly settled chin whiskers of a pale dun color would have improved his appearance if they had been shaved off. Skimgullet is old enough to be his wife's father, and has, in point of fact, committed the offence of matrimony twice before. Some say that both his former wives were starved to death; others, that he worked them to death Which is correct, the Genius of Liberty does not pretend to say. The state ments are given for what they may be worth What Miss Dumsquizzle saw in him to marry Is a mystery, unless she thought she would be more sue cessful than her predecessors in get OLbS AAOiIA OA GAS LAOhSy WAASA AS AS 6GAA to keep buried somewhere on his farm. We heard it said that her father owed Skimgullet one hundred and thirty-five dollars, and that the latter threatened to have him arrested on charge of for gerry if he did not get Melinda to marry him; but this statement has not been varified yet The presents were not very numerous, and the most expensive one that we saw was peachblow vase worth dollar at retail The couple left on the accommodation for a bridal tour of two days to Podunk. We asked the Rev. X. E. Geticks how much the groom gave him for tying the knot, and he said seventy-five cents This, there fore, can be relied upon as official"
 Young man." said the editor, after reading the reporters account '.you are far too high genius to bury your talent in a small place like Quohosh. would like to keep you, but I am sure that wonld be doing you an injustice. think you had better go to New York, where your talents will be appreciated as they deserve And, by the way, when you go to the station to buy your ticket, avoid making the fatal mistake of buying a return ticket We are fond of you but not so very fond that ab- sence could fail to increase it"-W. II. Siviter, in Harper's Magazine.