Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-12-13

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He-"How is it, do you suppose,
that short men are so funny?" She
-"Why, brevity's the soul of wit. "
Harvard Lampoon.
Wifey-Have you still unkind
thoughts of that old rival of yours? |?
Hubby-Yes. | hate him because
you Tilted him.--Brooklyn Life.
"Why was this game called poker,
Charley?" II don't know, unless
it is that you are apt to burn your
fingers when you get the wrong
end of it."-Truth.
Jillson, whose eyesight is undim-
med, says the only opera glasses he
has any use for are those he is COM
PEELED to go out after between the
acts.-Buffalo Courier.
II have invented a new bicycle
| am going to call The Brazilian. "
"WhyP" Because it makes revo-
lutions so easily" Rochester Dem
ocrat and Chronicle.
Bagley-"How much would you
charge to get up little circular to
send to my creditors?" Printer
THAT depends OH how many thous-
and you have" Bagley-"Sir"-
New York Herald.
Miss Porkepolis-"Is it true
that all Bostonians live on baked
beans?" Mr.. Reconsideration,
no; lots of them live on their rela-
tives. ."-Somerville Journal.
She-"You are perfectly sure
there are no Objectionable features
in this playP" He-"Great guns,
yes! The house wasn't more than
half full. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Gribbs-"Why, don't you ever
have any trouble whatever in meet
ing your bills?" Spriggs -
"Troublep Not bit of it. / meet
'em everywhere ! 60" "-Somerville
Journal.
Seedy Applicant Say, boss, is
there an opening here for man of
push ?" Merchant-"You bet, that
door there swings out. Turn the
knob to the right and push hard"
buffalo Courier.
Charlie-Oh, I'm dreadfully hum
CRY! believe | could eat my own
head?
Clara-If you are so hungry
l should think you would want
something substantial.-Truth.
Bellefield-"l see that a discus
sion is going on as to whether or
not chickens talk to each other"
Bloomfeld-"Oh, well, no one can
deny that a good deal of fowl Ian
guage is used. ."-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
"Miss Parker-Maud-will you
marry me? Let me be your pro-
tector through life, your -"
Thanks, Mr.. Jones, but | must de-
cline, | am not protectionist.
When | marry it will be on a rev.
enue basis entirely. ."--Harper's.
Wife-What is the matter now?
Husband have headache.
Wife--You are always complain
of headache.
Husband (petulantly )-When l
have headache again you'll know
it.-Ex.
II am surprised that a man of
your intelligence and old family
could find no better name for your
boy than Andrew Jackson" "You
don't understand my motive. He
L
will never succeed in being dude
with such q name as that. In
dianapolis Journal.
Chicago youth-"Is Shakespeare a
Chicago man, papa?"
Chicago papa =" -"Shakspeare?
Shakespeare? Let-me-s-e-e-
Shakespeare. Seems to me that
feller retired from business bout
the time of the fire, and | dunno
where he is now."-Judge.
Papa, didn't George Washing
ton ever really and truly tell fib?"
asked Tommy. NO." returned
papa. HE was always truthful" :"
swell, say, papa" Tommy
went on, "he never was a boy,
then, was hcp"-Harper's Young
People.
Mrs. Summer-"Did you have
nice time in the country, Carrier"
Carrie-"Perfectly lovely. There
were eighteen men there and only
SIX girls"
Mrs. S.-"Who were the menu"
Carrie-"Oh, / don't know; they
were just men, and that was
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