Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-08-31
Let Us All Laugh.

scalp. -Dallas News.
SHARP rifle participating pock-
ts.-Lowell Courier.
PAYS as he goes--a paymaster on a
railroad. Texas Siftings,
MATURE deliheration-planning to
meet a note. Union County Stand
ard.
The fat man in the slde.show 10
lying in wait for his victims, Cal
weston News.
The Scotch are very canny peo-
pie, but they are not as can-can-ny
as the French, Boston Courier.
HALE railroad rates to the Fair
would undenlably be a big go with
the people, Philadelphia Times.
APPROPRIATE quotation on enter
ing barber's shop; II come not
here to talk. Boston Transcript.
ISN'T it strange" said little Tom
my to his mother "that baby's lst
9th should come 4thP"-Rochester
Democrat
PERHAPS II pneumatic tire were
put on the dollar of the dads 1t
would circulate better. -Johnstown
Democrat.
AT may be wrong, but I'm laying
for YOU" as the bird said to the good
little Sunday school boy. Cleveland
Plaindealer.
A MAN never discovers how hard
his lot really is until he tries to put
a spade into it and make u garden. -
Washington Star.
No MATTER how hopeless the future
may be to other men, the good math-
ematician always has something to
count n.-Troy Press
AN elevator boys contrarlness can't
last very long There are too many
people to call him down il he keeps
it up. buffalo Courier.
MISS PRIM is Of the opinion that
no lady who had any claim to modesty
would regard undressed food as deli
cacy. Boston Transcript.
"THEsE trousers are awful short"
"Well, you told my collector the other
day that you were awful short your
self. "--Stonington Bulletin.
mine is the business before
pleasure that you heard Of so much"
said the man at the theatrical box
window.-Philadelphia Record.
IcELANDERs, it is recorded, never
whistle. 1t is hard to see why man
who lives in Iceland should ever feel
like whistling. Washington Star.
STATISTICS show that in counting
the young man is most likely TO lose
his self-control when he's just hold
ing his own.-Philadelphia Times.
CHILDREN don't feel as bad as they
should when their mother gets sick,
because they get so many good things
that she can't eat-Atchison Globe.
GooDMAN-"Are you regular about
church," Badderly- Every. I've
stayed away every Sunday for the
last fourteen years, Chicago Trib-
une.
UNNnXED evils rarely occur. The
fact that money has been tight is
said to have resulted in a great deal
of sober thought.-Baltimor Ameri-
can.
WHEN q child is learning his let
tiers it is hard work at first, but after
he gets as far as A, B, Q, d, it is then
matter of Els for him. Rochester
Democrat.
LANDLoRD-"You should always
pay as you 60, young man." Impe-
cunious Boarder-"True; but l don't
intend to go for six months yet. -
Boston Gazette.
STREET CAR CHAT. miss Blank,
who eloped with the Chinaman, has
returned home" "How did her faith.
er receive her?" very coolie. -
Philadelphia Record.
A MAN will get mad quicker at be-
ing called q fool than at any other
term you may use. 1t is probably
because the allegation is so easy to
prove. Chester News.
II AM taking cooking lessons of
Mrs. Picrust." "Do you find them
benencialf" "Very. have already
learned how to tell when something's
burned. Chicago Record.
WHEN Fogg was thrown down by
the electric car into the lap of a dig
nihed old lady he said he now knew
what it was to sit in the seat Of the
scornful Boston Transcript.
THE clearinghouse keeper often
complains Of the effort it costs to get
up a meal, and her boarders main
tain that it is more of an effort to
get it down. Yonkers Statesman.
"MR. SKYLARK is very devoted
husband, isn't he?" "How do you
know" "Well, he engaged q type.
writer the very day his wife left, so
that he could write her every day. -
Chicago Inter Ocean.
JINKs-"I can't understand how
ship-wrecked sailors ever starve to
death" Filklns-"Why not?" links
because 1 just came over from
Liverpool, and never once felt the
least desire to eat. Puck.
@YoU made mistake in calling
that drama OF yours a play without a
heroD "Whv9 IT hasn't any heroes"