The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1893-10-26
MISCELLANEOUS.

ounce of action is worth pound ot
TALK evidently weighed his words.
-''Did your son take gymnastics in
his college course?' eyes, yes; but he
never speaks any of those foreign Ian,
guages here at home"
Mrs. SIMPLIFYING man, will this
ticket take me to Chicago? Ticket
Agent-"No, ma'am; but that train
outside will. "-Raymond's Monthly.
1T is said that oleomargine can be
detected by boiling tablespoonful of
it. Boiling butter will foam without
much noise, while the sham butter
sputters and Kisses like lard, but does
not foam as decidedly as genuine butter.
-'I don't see how the washing or
ironing could be improved" He
"Confound it all, that's not the trou-
BILE; it's because she brings home the
very same collars and cuffs until I'm
tired of them. Inter Ocean.
Some men who were digging well
at Live Oak, Fla, found about ten
feet below the surface of the ground
tree that was petrifed only on the out
side. The trunk was split open and
the inside was found to be filed with
honey, which had been shut up in the
tree for many years.
Out of Sight.-Judge-"What did
you arrest this man for, Mr.. Officer?"
Officer-"For guying me-" Judge
"Why, the man is blind" Officer-'I
know it, your honor. He had some
lead pencils for sale, and I asked him
how business was, and he replied that
it was out of sight. "-Arkansas Far
mer.
Col. Goodfello-"Well, Nose, how
are you getting along in the place
got for you?" Nose Yallerby-sN
ly, Kunnel thank zee. rs de foreman
now" Col. o-'Foreman?"
Nose Yallerby-"Yassir; no one kin
come in till L fust open up, an dust
thingsr'-Truth.
1t has been suggested to the police
commissioners of Superior, Wis, that
the police should be equipped with BIZ
cycles, and in this way one policeman
could cover a much larger beat and
with greater ease, which would permit
of a curtailment of the force. The plan
is a good one and will probably be
adopted.
There are occasionally bargains to
be had of even the street fakirs. An
honest halter of an eastern town hav-
ing vainly tried to please customer
with a straw hat of moderate price, as
such go in the shops, said at length:
"Why don't you buy of street fakirP
A large hat concern down east has just
failed, and it's hats are selling on the
street at fifty cents apiece, the very
same hat for which get two dollars"
-"At Pleasure Bay, on the Shrews-.
bury river, New York. the other day."
said a summer tourist, 81 saw water
ing cart of a style that had never seen
before and which was filled in way
that also was new to me. The cart had
four wheels and it's tank was fiat,
square box, in shape something like the
case of a square piano. This tank was
suspended under the axles, and when
it was desired to fill it the driver SIM
ply drove into the river until the tank
was submerged"
AT a fancy-work sale book cover
held quantity of blank leaves in
tended for notes for jaunt. '"This,''
said the glib young saleswoman, sis
especially designed to give to your
brother, lover or husband, as he starts
on fishing trip" When the cover
was examined it was found to have
painted oni it's black surface in brilliant
red a bottomless well, whose intima-
ton that truth had fallen out of it was
accentuated by the legend across the
top in glowing script, "Ye Lie Book,
Where are the croakers who say.
that everything was all right in ''the
good old days?" Here comes along a
diary written by lady of fashion some
fifty years ago, and among other COM
plants, which are like echoes of those
we hear every day, are these: "Our
streets are not wide enough for the car
riages, nor the week long enough for
ones engagements. There isn't enough
money, nor enough time to spend it in.
In short, such mess!" Also, the wri-
ter of the diary, Lady Georgina de Ros,
says: "No wonder girls are delicate if
they eat mutton chops before dinner!'
--''I saw to-day" said New York
citizen, ga man sitting on a hydrant
selling lemonade from pail standing
in front of him on the sidewalk. 1t was
good lemonade, know, for 1 tried it;
but I couldn't help feeling that it was
a mistake from business point of view
to sit on the hydrant Of course he
couldn't get into it, we knew that we'll
enough, but it sort of looked as though
he had the whole Croton river back of
him. Suppose you should see milk
man sitting on pump and offering
milk from a can in front of him? It
might be the sweetest, purest milk in
the world and the pump might be dry
and without handle, but who would
buy the milk?'
Gertrude Petan, of Bull Creek,
Oak, is genuine female cowboy. She
is only IS years old, but she takes care
of all the cattle on her fathers ranch.
This sometimes takes her thirty or
forty miles from home. When the cat
tie become mired in the mud she must
rescue them from their perilous posi-