Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-08-10

II FIND my money in creasng,"
said the man whose business was
pressing clothes -Yonkers States
man.
A SAUSAGE machine exploded In a
Manayunk butcher shop and a meat
eoric shower ensued. Philadelphia
Record.
THE scout heads the list in indus
try. His business is securing plains
and scaling mountains. Cleveland
Plaindealer.
THE miracle about the tippler's
head Is that the less there is Of 1t
the more apt it is to go round.-El-
mira Gazette.
A LEGAL CURIOSITY The desire
to know what men with masks are
doing in your house after midnight
Detroit Tribune.
OPENwoRK hose may be popular
with fashionable damsels, but good
fire department will have none Of it,
Lowell Courier.
CANADA has carried off nearly all
the Worlds Fair prizes for cheese
The victory must have been a mite-y
one. Troy Press.
The lynching center is gradually
approaching the Worlds Fair. The
hotel-keeper had better beware. -
Memphis Appeal.
The modern landlord doesn't get
frightened when he sees the hand
writing on the wall. He just gets
mad. Buffalo Courier,
WHAT sort of girl is she?" ooh,
she is miss with a mission" "Ahl"
"And her mission is seeking a man
with mansion. Life.
WHEN a girl has two strings to her
bow it simply means that If she may
not with one she will knot with the
other. Philadelphia Press.
THE author who sent to an editor
"a story Of his own composure" didn't
add much to the editors stock of
tranquility. Lowell Courier.
SHE-What return did you get
from the contribution you sent to
that literary journalP He - The
manuscript. Detroit Free Press.
FIGG-You have seen Jones' wife;
what is she like' Should you call her
pretty? Fogg-I might if / was talk
ing to Jones. Boston Transcript.
WHILE the spoon is an insignificant
article to look at, it has probably
caused more stir in the world than
any other one thing. Buffalo Courier.
WATTs-What right has Jiggsby to
be applying for pension? Potts
He claims he lost his voice In the
Salvation Army.-Indianapolis Jour
nal.
To CONSTANT READER: No; the
issuing of marriage licenses was not
prohibited by the law forbidding the
sale of lottery tickets. Buffalo
Courier.
EXACTING FATHER-"James, how
are you getting along with that job
Of wood splitting?" Rebellious Son
-"I'm making about three knots an
hour. Detroit Free Press.
EXCELLENT wrapping paper is now
made from the stalk of the banana
plant. The peel will 60 on making
those who inadvertently step on it
rap sidewalks. Philadelphia Ledger
"Row is it with you?" asked the
editor Of a subscriber who was dying
in arrears. "All looks bright before
me-" gasped the subscriber. II
thought so," said the editor; "in
about ten minutes you'll see the
blaze. oil City Derrick.
AN ORIGINAL COMPOSITION. -
Teacher-~Are any of your compost
tions ready?" Little Girl-"Mlne is"
ais it an original compositions"
"Yes'm." "You may read it." II
went to wedding and a funeral, an
the bride looked lovely an the corpse |
looked natural. Good News.
Mrs. KINDLY snow, I'll give you
a dime, poor man. But 1 hope you
will not go and get drunk with it. !"
The Poor Man (much hurt)-"Lady, |
you do me great wrong to suggest
such a thing" Mrs. KINDLY
didn't mean to accuse you" The
Poor Man-"I'm glad Of it, lady. Do
l look like man who could get drunk
on d dime?"-Puck.
CALLER-"Why are you waving
your handkerchief so wildly" Mu-
rilla-"Since papa has forbidden Jack
the house we have arranged a code
Of signals" Caller-"What is it?"
Murilla- when he waves his hand
kerchief five times that means, DO
you love me9' and when wave fran
ticallV in reply, it means, Yes, dsr-
ling" Caller-"And how do you
ask the other question:" Murilla-
I'VE don't That's the whole code.