The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1893-09-16
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
a CatastrOphe-A Comforting Reply
Fatiguing-H His Identity-A Big
Scheme-Etc., etc.
A cATAsTROPHE.

CATASTROPHE.
"Whats the matter z" asked one OF
Willie Wishington's friends. "You look
uncomfortable"
~ am, "he replied. 'T have just been
wun oyah by Miss Belle Pepperton's
twain of thought. y Washington Star.
COMFORTING REPLY.
His Fiancee-I do dread 10 meet your
family. I'm afraid they will think Pm
not dignifed enough.
He: Oh no, the girls will take to you
directly.
She-Which one shall like bestl
He-My youngest sister, Flossie, /
think. She's an awfully silly little thing,
and Pm sure you'll get on capitally to-
gether.- Truth.
FATIGUING.
"This head work i, extremely tire
some, you know" said Adolphus.
"What great problem have you been
trying to solve now"
"Keeping my hat on when the wind
blows. y Washington Star.
HIS IDENTITY.
Lady of the House-No; have moth
ing for you. / never give money to
tramps.
Ragged Haggard-Tramp, Maddiml
/ am the Duke of Veruger tryin' TO even
up my Worlds Fair expense account
PUCK.
BIG SCHEME.
"That's great scheme of Scaddle-
berry's."
"What is it2"
ale has put a big steam heater under
his garden, and is going to try to raise
baked beans. - Harper's Bazaar.
a GOOD EXCUSE.
Judge-You are charged with assault
ing this man.
Prisoner-I plead guilty, Your
Honor, but have a good excuse. 1 adj
dressed this man civiIly three times and
he never answered me.
Judge-Why, the man is deaf and
dumb
Prisoner Well, why didn't he say so?
1T WAS THE OTHER WAY.
Mr.. Biggleswade-My dear, how on
earth did you ever choose such an awk-
ward, slatternly, ignorant creature as
that new servant girl?
Mrs. Biggleswade-M love, didn't
choose her. She chose me. Puck.
HER PROGRESS.
GLOW is your daughter getting along
with her music"
pretty well," replied her father.
"The interviews are stormy while they
last but they are getting more and more
brief"
BAD NEWS. SURE.
She is Just bit superstitous in de-
lightful, feminine way. When her hus-
band spoke of a dream he had she said
earnestly:
Harold, dear, Pm sure you are going
to hear some bad news soon"
81 am sure of it, too" he answered.
81 thought you didn't believe in
signs9"
~ don't. But l had made up my
mind to go down town this morning and
ask what the price of coal is, y Wash
ington Star.
NOBLE TITLE.
Her Friend 1 thought you were GO
ing To marry man with title or for
ever remain single.
Mrs. Nuwedde-He has title, | beg
leave to inform you.
'What is it, pray2"
"Ducksy darling. gave it to him
myself?'-l indianapolis Journal.
IN BOSTON.
Teacher-What tree is noted for
longevity
Little Boy - The family tree
Vogue.
COULDN'T RISK 1T.
First Cannibal--I can't leave. I've got
too much at stake.
Second Cannibal-How muchl
First Cannibal-A missionary and
trained nurse Truth.
THOU ART NOT so UNKTND, ETC.
"Dodds, you look i'll to-day. Wind
kept you awakel"
Wind No! got home at a. M,
and when Mrs. Dodds began blowing, l
forgot all about the little breeze out
side. ."-[Sharp Sayings.
IN THE CHEMICAL LABORATORY.
professor. what has become of Tom
AppletonH Wasn't he studying with the
class last yearl"
"Ah yes, Appleton-poor fellow! A
fine student but absent minded in the
use of chemicals-very. That disco'or-
alton on the ceiling. Notice it?''
"Yes."
That's him."
"I'm not surprised. always thought
Tom would make his mark IL he got a
chance. .'-[Texas Siftings.
MILITARY TACTICS.
A Confederate guard in South Caro-
lima during the war was questioned as to
his knowledge Of his duties: