Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1893-10-22
"veRDANT GREEN" VISITS CHICAGO.
His Graphic Story as to the Ways and
Means of Getting There.
written for the Dispatch)

written for the Dispatch)
In Chicago dead sure! but / did not
awake TO this realization until i had
spread my name on the hotel register
and read il over half dozen times. then
pinched myself 10 make sure that 1 was
still alive and looked up the register again
TO see II my name, Nerdant Green, was
stiIl there. Now because Chicago is the
windy city. and boasts of a windy mayor
don't imagine that am going to write
n windy letter. / only can't resist the
temptation to tell how ] got here The
WAYS and means to this "consummation
devoutIy to be wished" was problem
difficult to solve but this is the way IT
was done: First, stayed at home during
the hot months when the mercury was
cayortng I'm the nineties; then a SUBSIDY
for not eating butter augmented the fund;
last but not least, six noble hens con-
tributed the fruit of their labors to make
I'D the balance. Well. days came and
davs went until the happy time for de-
parture finally arrived. Now the ques-
lion of route pronounced root by worlds
Fair visitors) seized suddenly upon me,
bnt this was soon set at rest upon inquiry
at the passenger office Of the Chesapeake
and Ohio railroad; the urbane gentleman
| in charge felt my pulse, quieted my
nerves, and told me not to DO so any
| more-he then proceeded TO put me on
| the right track. and. as he iacetiousy
remarked, the Chesapeake and ONO
track. I didn't laugh then, but / reckon
| will laugh a long, sad laugh when l
get back home and begin my work or
| climbing back fences In search OF my
neglected hens.
Having got my bearings straight and
armed myself with the usual grip-sack, /
sailed forth with do-or-die Kind OF ex-
preston on my face to the chesapeake
and Ohio depot. 1 would like TO describe
| this heroic old pile. but cold type could hoe
| do 1t half as much justice as coat OF
| paint
WE'RE OFF.
Now the start was made; everybody
said good-by, waved their handkerchiefs
out of the car windows and so forth, ana
settled themselves in their seats for the
tourney; long breath. and the solemn
conductor called out, Tickets" Then
saw my hot-weather money, my butter
money and my hens money pass into the
hands of this great corporation, but l ala
not grudge 1t, and the event proved me
right, as l got full value received. The
amiable Dr. Jekyl at home often becomes,
upon slight provocation. the veritabie
monster Mr.. Hyde the instant he boards
a railroad train. but l, along with Pro
Bono Publico, VoX Populi and the rest OF
our set. bow thanks TO President ingalls,
that he has made Mr.. Hyde an impossi-
HE passenger on his trains, and thereby
has rid a long-suffering public OF TINS
growing nuisance. Mr.. ingalls, has put
n auietus on Mr.. Hyde after the most
business-lke fashion. and also shown
himself fully abreast OF the times by es-
teblishing a train service on the Chesa-
noake and Ohio road perfection up TO
date-cars modelled after the most i'm
nroved designs known to the car-builder,
and equipped with all the elegant modern
npnojntments, and with the latest safety
appliances; a roadway unsurpassed, the
track being laid with 75-pound
steel rails on a solid rock-ballast road-bed,
thereby securing greater speed ana lnsur-
ing safety TO the traveller. 10
cynic this might sound like raphsody. put
If YOU can't take my ipse dixit for these
things then try for yourselves.
THE PULLMAN.
Nowadays everybody who travels over
night and can get check cashed' uses
the pullman. even the man who lived
before the war; and in the good old days
used to cross the country on the hurri-
cane deck OF a mule, can't get along now
without a Pullman. and IL he happens to
strike one that is not OF the latest design
ufts his olfactory organ and talks OF the
good old times" when people stayed at
home and made themselves comiortaoie,
hut this kicker proved pack-numper
when the +. F. V. was boarded at Char-
lottesville. Here was a revelation for my
kicker. Luxury OF iuxuries! Every detail
of this magnificent train was arranged
IN a manner to please the eye, as well as
rest the body. making the trip an enjoy
able ride, instead Of tedious journey.
The fight through the Alleghanes was
made during the night hence l was de-
barred the delight of the glorious noun
tain scenery along this route. ana Tor
which II is so famous. Next morning IN
an effort TO express my ecstacy at being
on the r. +. ". the multiplicity OF IDEAS
which assailed me burst my Uranium
into atoms. and the bewilderment OF the
worlds Fair which followed. rendering
II impossible TO recover my scattered iac.
ultles, this accounts for my silence ABOUT
the dig show.