Connecticut western news., 1893-08-03
A VENTILATING HAT.

I had got to the very bottom of the ladder. Never mind how I got there, or why got there, that's my business, and 1t doesn't concern you in the least. But Twas earning my living all the same, and earning it honestly. I had read sto- ries of the workhouse, and they made my flesh creep. It wasn't pride that made me work; it wasn't an honest spirit of independence. It was the workhouse dreaded and the peculiarly unattractive fare provided for the pauper. And there was with IS pence, my days earnings, between me and the casual ward. With | in 24 hours that IS pence would assuredly disappear, and unless I got work of some sort to the casual ward I should have to | go. I and gentleman in position sim | liar to my own were talking matters | over.
 Things is very slack, governor" said | he to me.
 "There is one game you might try" continued my acquaintance with be- | nignant smile, ''and that's Wilkins, the | ventilating natter. But you can't keep on with that long, you know. It's ruin | to the constitution" Anything was better to my mind than the casual ward, so asked for Wilkins | address.
 "Oh, you can't miss it," was the an- swer; 'you just walk down Shoreditch. | There's always crowd outside Wilkins | shop, and all you've got to do is to ask, boldhke, for Wilkins, and when you sees him you just u and says, I'd like to be in the way of earning a honest 'alf crown, sir Then he'll put you in the way at wunst." Then my friend nodded l and departed.
 I arrived at Shoreditch. I wasn't long | in finding Wilkins-there was a crowd In front of the window. In the window were hundreds of hats Every one of | them had ticket bearing the same leg l end, "Willzins' Ventilating Hat" then | followed the price. gradually elbowed my way to the front row, and then perceived the nature of the exhibition that gave So much pleasure to the in- | habitants of Shoreditch.
 In the center of the array of hats were two human heads, which protruded through two artfully constructed holes in the polished mahogany which formed the flooring of the shop front. Each head was covered by what appeared to be an ordinary tall hat. The head on the right had 8 large window ticket be- hind 1t, on which were the following | words:
 'Wilkins' ventilating hat. Perfect comfort. No suffering from heat by want of ventilation. The wearer of this article enjoys, life. The head is human. There is no deception. The only estab- lishment in which Wilkins ventilating hat may be obtained. It comes as boon and a blessing to men, like the Pick wick, the Owl and the Waverley pen.'"
 There was similar ticket behind the head on the left:
 1.-The ordinary silk hat. Observe how the unfortunate wearer suffers from the heat. Poor fellow! He evidently wishes himself dead. The common unventilated hat of commerce is a fiendish invention worthy of the atrocities of the worst days of the Spanish inquisition. The wearer of an unventilated hat is hurry ing to an early grave. The head is hu- man; there is no deception"
 noticed that the mahogany planking of the shop front below the heads was perforated with innumerable small holes. Then I observed that there was 8 very great difference in the appearance of the faces of those wearing the hats. The gentleman wearing Wilkins ventilating hat looked the picture of contentment. He smiled. He seemed as if he had at tained the summit of human bliss. He was evidently very comfortable indeed. The other head presented striking con- trast. Never till now had l the least idea that such dreadful effects were pro- duced by the wearing of an unventilated hat. The face was as pale as death. A cold precipitation seemed to trickle from every pore. The mouth was set as though in agony, and all through an un- ventilated hat l boldly determined to enter the shop.
 What can l show you, sir?" said an assistant, with excessive urbanity.
 "I want to see MT. Wilkins" replied.
 "That is MT. Wilkins" said the man, indicating a portly and benevolent look. ing gentleman in black silk waistcoat. "What can I do for you, my manr said MT. Wilkins.
 'Id like to be in the way of earning an honest half crown, sir, replied.
 "Very good, my man" said MT. Will. kins, with smile. "Is there vacancy today, Boldgerr'
 "Yes, sir. Certainly, sir, replied the man. "We shall be ready for the gen. tleman in about 20 minutes'
 Been here before, my man?" said MT. Wilkins to me, not unkindly.
 Mot l." replied.
 "Then you'd better put him through the mill, Boldger," said Mr. Wilkins tc the foreman.
 "Step this way, young man," said the foreman to me, and followed him into 8 lavatory.
 "There you are," he said. You're ir luck, young man," he went on. Half g crown for wearing new hat for three hours is good pay. You'll be on at 8 and you'll be off at 6. This gentleman is waiting his turn. He is one of oul regulars"
 The man who was waiting his turr was wretch, but his neck and face hat been carefully washed, and his hair wei combed and brushed. washed my face and brushed my hair, and I thought tha to wear an unventilated hat even thre' hours couldn't be 80 very dreadful 1
 punishment after all. had reckonet without my host.
 "This way, gentlemen, if you please,
 ssad the hsttar's sssistaut as be mo
 -A t LA a ASA