The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-04-21
THE LADY OR THE G AT.
To the Edita, of the l.agle:


lie said lie thought he would be CO
late. AS they were holding an extra session
OF he lodge. for the purpose of taking ii
new members, WHO longed to be 32ads an
wear Il ring with 32ads all over it. Then
he added darkly. that it WAS one OF thu
beauties OF their lodge-in fact, it was the. j
principal aims-to learn all about beih.
good to their wives. They committed
pages And pages of it TO memory. The,
sat up night after night, just to get tht
attest edition on wife treatment. If sh'
only knew-if she only had anyway o
finding out what this lodge business mcant
| for her-how she would rush around, gel
in the coal. milk the cow. chop wood. sloI
the pigs, then greet him with smile, ans
| an early supper. in order that lie Nigh
work up All appetite for the late ban
qnet and have plenty of time 4
| look up her comfort afterwerd
and his wife replied swee'ly. that she
| really didn't need SO much treatment.
that The only time she felt sadly was " Len
she was obliged to hover the dinner three
| Or four hours, 10 keep it from freezing
| during these special sessions. or sitting Up
! III the wee small hours awaiting his re- IRA
from thess untiring lessons in her behalf.
She really thought she could wriggie
| along if he took these lessons Di-annually Oh
better still, couldn't he bring his Dooas
home and study Mayhap she could
throw hint here and there that would
| help the struggling desire to see daylight.
And then he told her sadly she could not
understand him. Some day she might see
| him Alright. Possibly when tender violeis
! blOome1 above him, and whole lot OF
| beautiful things were tackled to his
memory, which he never wot OF
while living but he forgave her
and passed out of the house-to lodge.
and she falls to thinking how could she
| get even with him. To disguise, and fol-
| low, would mean detection: 10 elope with
the coachman would leave the hired girl
| for consolation. Al last an idea abSOrbs
| her. She would write up set Of reso-
| lutions and bride the lodge hostler to
brand the goat with them, She had never
heard of there being more than one goat;
never heard this little pet spoken of in the
| plural: never heard any one mention there
being "A whole stable full of goats, where
they changed off when an extra candidate
sat down too heavy upon the ways and
means of entering the Masonry. Il would
| he quite in her line to write these reso-
buttons now, for she had lately joined Il
little weak minded afternoon clmb. where
| the ladies' got up in the End aud 3rd, and
frequently altogether, and said: Where
sounded just.
She would write these resolutions and
in the meantime pin them to the cold
| baked beans, where her dyspeptic lord
would be sure to find them upon his re-
turn from bis p. NJ, banquet.
Resolved, That we the weaker vessel do
hereby protest against the terrible sacrifice
made by our noble knight in our behalf
These animal REUNIONS which occur every
three weeks, and last month, summing
up total OF 600 days out of the year, and
here we offer a vote Of thanks to their
mate delicacy in calling them annual re-
unions. They do not wish us to see how
much time they actually spend per an
mum 10 our behalf. Where which, having
concluded thusly, and having our doubts
as to whether their modus operandi is the
roaring success they naturally think it,
we have revised the ritual-rather in-
vented a new one which we earnestly sub
NIT to the fearful consideration of the
noble order.
Where at: this is the question, already
the cock hath crown the third time. the
clock hath struck five times since
the eleventh hour. The moon
Papa Sun-weil, there's an exampIe-be
never shows up till morning, either
Where is he, at the blanket - His little
crib Is vacant. Is he even now within the
embrace of some fond burglar and will
be be forced to tell us how the bad man
took all the pin money which he had beea
saving up. for II pleasant surprise upon
our diamond wedding morn. Whereas
we have SO often noticed that upon their
return from the studio, otherwise lodge.
otherwise chapter. otherwise council. X.
A. NJ, etc, etc. They were so weary and
unstrung that it took days for the weak
nerves to grow strong and the strong
breath to grow weak! That betimes they
were 30 saturated with nervous prostra-
ton in our behalf that the more luke
warm knights were obliged 20 carry them
from the hack into the house. Article one
of our new ritual is intended rs a blister
for this sad calamity. 1t provides that
the knights retire during the fiscal yeaI
at $50 p. N. 1t also stipulates: should
any noble knight snore four consecutive
hours, loud enough for his faithful wife
to catch the rebround from the EiffieI
tower, causing sundry stray dogs to bark
cats to yowl. clocks to stop, and the neigh
bOrs to moan, that said knights wife be
invested with proper authority without
endangering her life upon discovery: to
drag him four times around the bed By the
hair OF the head TN consideration of her
Inability to otherwise promulgate said
knight. Should. however he show signs
of lucidity ere the fourth round said pas
Article suppOses that you have an in
FAINT which is in the habit of awakins it
self at Al. m, and trying TO do likewise
by the rest of the earth, repeating tor
nothing all the cute things you have of
fered it-millions, / say-for company, and
crawling all over your prospects of Sleep
before morning. Seeing here the first OPP
portunity to befrend her whose welfare
erstwhile cost you SO many nights of deep
consultation; and having her welfare still
at heart, and having retired early. and
having the child's heel in your mouth. you
conclude 10 get up, strap the infant
to your back, creep down stairs
and prepare your sleeping wife
Il genuine surprise. When You have the
white clothes ready for the boil, mop the
alkali from your brow, the suds from
your elbow, aud prepare delicious break
fast for your wife You have DO doubt
heard her tall the neigh bors. over the hack
fence. just how Mrs. Ewing does this. You
can safely follow her receipts but first
you mUsC slip out and put up ;he clothes,
and lest the child take cold unstrap her
from your back. when wonder At your
conduct, together with the free use of your
collar button, and bone, have kept her i'll
high glee Initiate your wife in saying
BE dood dirl doa'i cy popsy opy tome
soon. moose itself niCely.n Well, when
You return, and tind the astounding
amount OF amusement she has extoricd
out of the moment you were gone. YOU are
forced to conclude that she took your ad
vice quite as easy as your absence, aud you
know now why your wife carries her
around so much.
She has flied the buck wiIeat Cakes with
slack coal, put the white clothes ,lto he
coal bucket, spriukled ashes over them
poured delicious coffee into the cuspjdor,
dropped the kitten into the boiling -uds,
and is in the act of driukiu. what I've You /
didn't periorate The clothes with-wusu
your appear. Do not attempt 10 get salts !
faction from your own flesh and blood
whose innocent blue eyes could look a fu-
sioni,t out of lolut, but Try 10 think calm /