The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1893-06-07

LAf TilY - / g;Ii5lisID 1
I4H DON'T know any circumstance
iEMa of social life so trying to mems
iE5 souls" ON both sides as the cir
iae cumstance demanding sympathy.
80 Death is bad enough, but it Is
by no means the worst. Most of US have
been through that dark and terrible hour
when that which seemed our al has been
laid away from our sight and from
among men. and our friends have come
dressed in somber clothes, and with SOM
Der and set countenances have one by
one insisted upon laying bare the wound
we would fain hide under our mourning
garb and expressing more or less crude
ly, more or less delicately, the sympathy
Of which they have come to assure us.
1t is social necessity that they should
come. We should feel surprised and
sighted if they did not, and we do not
dream of Sinking the painful duty either
of receiving or of paying visits of condo
lence, and yet / often wonder if it would
not be well to induce social revolution
wherein this and several other time hon
ored customs should be swept away
Time honored indeed, for speaking Of
this matter the other day to friend
was told that when Job fell into attic
ton his three friends at once made an
appointment to meet and make collect
i've call of coincidence. But-and here
please observe the superiority of discre-
ton In the days of job compared with
ours-having arrived with Job they sat
down upon the ground, and for seven
days and nights nobody spoke word!
Now. we don't have time in this era to
sit In silence seven days and nights in
the presence Of our friends, but often
think If our custom was to go and sit
seven minutes. more or less, beside our
friend and then go away with mute
caress or clasp of the hand, how much
better it would be than to try to say
something. and that generally the wrong
thing. shall never forget dear little
unconventional widow whom went to
see Just after the sudden and shocking
death Of her young husband.
st was so good of you to come; but,
oh. don't say a word-not one wordT'
gasped she. and almost literally COM
piled.
Yes, bereavement is bad enough, and
=
the words of comfort or reinsurance.
But there are SORROWS far more cruel
than death; there arc bereavements sud-
den and more hopeless than those of the
grave, and it is in these that sympathy
may indeed despair of ftly expressing
itself, even by sitting silent seven days
and nights in its presence.
4 man in some prominent position OF
trust becomes defaulter and runs
away. leaving his wife and family to
bear the shame and notoriety of his
crime. perhaps leaving them in poverty
and debt as well. for very few criminals
commit but one kind of sin. Adefaulter
is usually intensely selfish and considers
his own desires so exclusively that he
not only appropriates moneys not his
own. but his neighbours wife as well, and
is utterly Gallons as to the suffering OF
all sorts to which he condemns the WON
an lawfully his own
Now. what sympathy can one express
to such mourner as that wife? What
word would seem other than presump-
tuous and intrusive to such bereave-
ment? And yet we all do feel sorry for
her: we all do long to let her know it
and to comfort her.
Some of rs who have struggled in deep
waters ourselves shrink from the at
tempt and contrive some other mode OF
showing the true sympathy we feel. and
yet there is grief so deeply dyed with
shame that positively 70 notice should
be taken of it-even a box of flowers.
even a new book or a card, would serve
10 hint ut coincidence too strongly, and
we remember that though speech Is sill
vsrn silence is often golden.
But yet again there are griefs even
deeper and more sensitive than that of
the insulted and deserted wife; there is
an agony OF shame not to be shifted to
other shoulders than ones very own;
there is bereavement known to all the
world and yet which the sufferer would
fain hide from even her own eyes, and
this is when a woman has too readily
yielded uph her affections to one who sim
ply amused himself with her easy Gre
dulity. and when her devotion began to
pail The kissed and rode away" Every
one in her little world knows the whole
story. The malicious whisper: well,
she threw herself at his head. What could
she expect?' The kinder hearted ones
murmur: Poor thing! L was afraid he
didn't mean anything" And the sharp
est sting of her modification is that she
knows that they all know and are scorn-
ing at her or plying her. Still she can
bear it so long as nobody says anything.
but they 1rilH
There are sure to be at least two or
three well meaning fools who want ''to
express their sympathy" who in fact in
sist upon doing so in spite of all the
wr1ggIes and paintings or Their Vlctrm-as
helpless as frog under crotched stick,
with a cruel boy at the other end, or,
more appropriately, a frog in the clutches
of vivisectionist, who is determined to
lay open the throbbings of poor froggie's
heart" in the interests of humanity! This
sympathizer bides her time. She waits
until she can pen her victim in corner,
or penetrate to her bedroom, or get her
into victoria or buggy where no in
corruption is possible. and then she be-
gins: MY dear child, want to tell you
how dreadfully sorry am for your dis
appointment, but how came you to Sup
nose Mr.. Smith was serious in his atten-