Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1893-03-31
TWIN UNCLES.
The Old Settler Philosophers On
an Important Subject.

swell. Squire" said the Old Settler,
MS he took his accustomed seat at the
tavern, whats the news?"
"The latest" replied the Squire, ''is
that Sabin Bifles' wife has ben dom
of it agin."
"Doin' of it?" said the Old Settler.
bDoin' O. what?"
"Twins!" replied the Squire, and his
lone implied that he looked upon such
proceeding on the part of Mrs. Bifiles
rs something most reprehensible.
"Pooh!" exclaimed the Old Settler.
"Thar hain't much news in that!"
That's sou said the Squire. "Thats
the third time durin' six or seven years.
An yit Sabin Biffles comes up smilin'
an clipper, an bate he thinks the
queen O. England can't hold candle
to one side O. his wife Sool1y. Now if
was him, IL l wouldn't be slSitterin
around fer deevorce it'd be queer!
That's what II would!'
''Fiddlesticks!" said the Old Settler.
"What's twins, in p'tic'lar, anyhow?
Leastways for a Snively. Sooky BIZ
fles were Snively, an, lookin' back
fer forty year an better, l can't rec
omember when tina want twins in the
Snivcly family. That's jist the reason
/ didn't marry into tho Snivelys. Mag
Snively, oil jeff Snively's gal, were the
incest an snappinest Snively o the hull
passed., an she were dead sot on hav'
Ing me. But that idee that seemed to
ha'nt the Snively family that the more
relations the Snivelys had in short
time the better'd be for the kentry,
kind O. made me shy off, and Mag mar
ried 'Riar Flott. | recomember that
AFTER 'Rlar'd been married ten year,
an tina was four yoke O. twins in his
family already, he kim in one day look
In the most onmercifiest worritted an
despairin' mortal man that any body
ever see. Folks said to wpnst that
they guessed tina was five yoke up to
the Flott clearin' now.
"Well, 'Riar,' says to him, consol.
Unlike, twins ag'in, hayP'
"'Nor says 'Riar,. bright'nin' up con
sid'ble. No, he says, not ez bad e7
that, quite. My barn burnt down las
night he says, "long with them spot
ted steers O. mine, he says,
''Twins where tha's Snively mixed
up with EN-, Squire, hain't nuthin
amazin'. Twins is ez ketchin' ez meas
les or the hookin'cough when it come:
TO Snively. But what's twins il
giner1. anyhow? Nuthin', 'cept thai
they'm two babies Std o. one. An
that's the ugly thing, b'gosh, thai
makes 'em twins. What's SoolSy Biffle'.
last uns, Squire? Schoolmarms Of
bark peelers?"
"Schoolmarms," replied the Squire
Both on emp"
"Yes, both on EN-"
What's diskerridgin'l The marke
Is crowded with schoolma'rms Thai
more schoolma'rms in the deestric
now than tina is young idees to b
teeched how to shoot An here's The
woods Just howlin' fer bark peelers
an will be fer many year to come
Schoolma'rms is doing well if they gi
fifteen dollars a month an boar
around, and bark peelers kin git TWEEN
ty-6ve or thirty fist fer the astin'
Sooly Biffies has made a mistake
b'gosh! Specially fer Snively. Blu
that hain't nuther here nor there
They're twins. Gal twins, an conse
kently sisters. Tina nain't nuthin
onusual in two gals bein' sisters Twil
sisters hain't nuthin', no more'n twill
brothers Is. But s'pose they'd bel
tw.a uncles like a couple o ancestor
o. mine was wunst? That mowt a bel
sumpin' TO talk about Squire"