Fort Worth gazette. [volume] (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1891-1898, 1893-03-19

what was / 20 do2
So the rest of the evening flowed by
almost without speech.
/ could have beat myself. / could not
lie iu my bed that night for rage and te-
pentuncc, but walked 90 and fro on my
Nnrc feet until ] was nearly persisted,
for the chimney was gone ont aud the
frost keen. The thought OF her in the
next room, the thought that she might
oven hear me as | walked, the remem-
bruuce of my churlshness aud that |
must continue 90 practice the same un-
grateful course on bc dishOnorcd, put me
beside my reason | stood like u mnn
between Scylln and Charybdis What
must SHE think of me? was my one
thought that soitened me continually
into weakness What Is 10 become OF
us? the other which steelcd me again
30 resolution. This was my first night
of wakofulness aud divided counsels, Of
which | was now 60 pass many, pacing
like mailman, sometimes weeping like
n childish boy, sometimes praying IL
would fuin hopel like Christian.
But prayer is not very difficult, and
the hitch comes in practice. In her pres
cncc, and above all IL ] allowed any be-
ginning of familiarity, | found had
very little command of what should
follow. but 10 sit all day IN the same
room with her, ana fcign To Toe engaged
upon Heiueccius surpassed my strength.
SO that / fell upon the cNpedicnt of nb-
scnting myself as much rs / was able; ;
tnking out classes and sitting there regu-
larry, often with small attention, the
test of which ! found the other day in
a notebook Of that period, whore | had
left OFT 10 follow an ediiyiug lecture
aud actually scrubbed in my book some
very IN verse, though the Latinty Is
rather better than 1 thought / could ever
have encOmpassed. The evil Of this
coLrsc was near unhoppily "a great as
its advantage | had the less time of
trial. but ! believe, while that time
lasted. l was tried the more extremely.
For she heing left SO much TO solitude,
she came 60 greet my return with an
increasing ferYur That came nigh 10
nyerinastVr me Those friendly offers
] must barbarously east back and my
rejection sometimes wounded her SO cr,i-
cliy that ] must stand back and seek TO
mako IL up to her Ia Kindness. SO that
Om time passed IN ups mud downs tits
aud disnppOiutmcnts upon the which
could almost say df Il could be said
with reyerence) that l was cucihed.
The base Of my trouble was Catri0na' 3
extraordinary innocency, at which /
wan not So much surprised ns filed
/ with pity aud admiration, She seemed
10 have no thought Of our position, no
sense ~ my struggles; WELCOMED any
/ mark Of my weakness With responsive
! JOYS aud when l was drove again TO
/ my rcirenchnlents ala not always dis
scinblo her chagrin. There wore tunes
when ! thought 20 myself, III she were
over head hi love, and set her TO catch
me- she would scarce believe otherwise, "
aud then ] would fgll again into wonder
at tho simplicity Of woman, from whom
! tolt lin these momeniO that / was
not worthy TO be descended
There was one point Ia particular on
| which Onr warfare turned and Of an
things this was the question Of hen
clothes. My baggage Ind aoon followed
me from Rotterdam and hers from llel.
yoet She had now, as Il were, two
wnrilrlbes: and Il grew 20 b. understood
between us Il could never tell hoEy) Tia,
when she was friendly She would wear
my clothes, and when otherwise hel
owR- have seen her so out Of IA,