The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-04-25
IRISH WIT AND HUMOR.
Sometimes II IL Sardonic. But 1t Seldom
Fails to BE Keen.

Sometimes IL IL Sardonic, But 1t Seldom
Fails to BE Keen.
Was there ever, asks q writer in
Belgravia, more sardonic stroke of
description than that O'COnnell gave
at Peel's bloodlessnesss His smile
was like the silver plate on a coffin"
OF another and lower quality. but
good of its kind. is the following fish
wife's sarcasm: A friend Of mine was
waiting his turn tn ID served i'm a fish
shop, while little weakened old gen.
tleman priced every fish in the shop.
How much is this--and this-and
this-and this?- etc. until the exas-
perated shopwoman exclaimed: ..Ah.
Go on out Of that wild We. 1t isn't fish
We want. but information"
A journalist told me that he once
overheard this passage of arms BE-
tween a cuachman and Il beggar man
outside the Four Courts. Dublin. As
the bcggar was whining for aims ut
the carriage door the cOachman
turned around to cry sharply to him:
Come. my man. take your rags out
Of that" The beggar. with wither-
ing glance at the coachman's livery.
retorted: Me rags. They're me own.
me man.
Once more. about dozen years
ago. an English fellow-traveler, with
whom | was returning from Dublin to
Bradford. said to me: Really, these
Irish fellow, are a queer lot. In Nor
rison's hotel. where ] was staying,
there was u poor waiter so i'll that he
could hardly crawl about. and | safd
of him las he stood on the steps to
see me OH to the carman: That
poor fellow looks shOckingly. ill.,
Och. ill. Sure he's dead these two
months. only he's too lazy to shut
his eyes,"
Mrs. Laverty. an Irish lady, who
lived thirty miles from the American
Richmond, was in the provident habit
of laying in a store of groceries to
last an entire quarter. since she could
not repair to Richmond oftener than
four times q year. On one of these
provisioning expeditions she laid in
a store of Matches disastrous in
vestment. since not q match would
strike. Wild was her fury. which
kept alight and aglow by her reeur-
ring daily trouble to get her fire
alight and aglow without q match.
Her wrath, thus kept at boiling
point for three months. gave the
s:urckeeper a hot quarter of an hour.
when she burst at last into his store
and Numbered down the parcel Of
match boxes upon the counter. Elav-
ing waited with deferential patience
until the storm had spent itself, he
said suavely: ALLOW me, madam"
Taking a match box from the parcel
and match from the box he struck
{. after the manner OF men. on his
trousers. ..See. madam" he ex-
claimed in snug triumph. holding up
the kindled match. The devil Ay
away wild We" shrieked Mrs. Laverty,
DO you think that livery tonne I've .
fire to light I'll thrabel thirty miles
to strike q match on the safe Of your
breeches?"
A friend Of my fathers had . ser
want called Jerry DOherty, q handy
man, who was of invaluable service
to him--until poor Jerry took to
drink. His master. as much in his
own interest as in Jerry's, was cOntin-
ually trying to reform him. and to
this end he would read out to Jerry
from the newspapers every story Of
erime or of other trouble traceable to
drink which he could find in them. At
last he came to a story which might
have reformed BardOlph. 1t was the
thrilling tale of q drunkard who was
so saturated with whisky that his
breath caught fire while he was blow
in. out a candle. set his insides
ablaze as it would have set any other
whisky cask, and burned him to ashes
in five minutes. Now Jerry. now
jerry" urged his master with tho
solemnity of adjuration, ..let this
be warning to your' '.Oh. begor,
it will. sirw groaned the Mortified
Jerry. Ill never blow q candle out
again the longest day / live"