The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1893-01-18
sEoRr sToEIEs BY DEPEw.
The Railroad President in His Best Aspect.
A Budget OF Good Ones from the Gifted
Lawyer and Orator.
New York World.7

New York World
Mr.. Chauncey NJ. Depew is properly
considered the great metropolitan joke
foundry. So it has come about that
whenever the great American republic
hungers and thirsts for sparkling epi-
gram and merry jest it goes to the &C
commodating foundry and leaves its
order. The foundry does the. rest. A
careful statistician has fgured it cut
that the foundry has been turning out
funny stories for thirty years. The aver
age is four day. So in thee decades
it has tickled the ears with something
like 43,SOO stories.
Some people account for Mr.. Depew's
marvellous fund Of stories by the fact
that the crowds Of daily visitors to the
Grand Central station bring grist to the
mill, and that, as he has splendid
memory, when he hears good story he
puts it in mental pigeonhole to be TAX
en- out and used at an appropriate time.
That is to a certain extent true. Then
again many of his stories arise from in
cidents that happen in the office, on
the streets, in the railway train-any-
| where. He takes liberties with the in
| cidents when he frames them into sto-
ries. He embellishes them and exag-
gerates them. Some of the stories are
pure and deliberate inventions.
Some Observation-Disclosures fc-
tions concocted while on his feet ad-
dressing an assemhlage. He invests
them with such an air of probability,
especially when he lays the scene sup
at Peekskill," that men have come to
him and said, "I remember frstratA
when that happened. was living
| next door to the man you tell it Of"
"You have wonderful memory"
says Mr.. Depew with grave face. And
then perhaps he thinks, ave liars must
stand by one another" and holds his
peace.
The first story with which Mr.. De-
pew madea public bit was one he orig
| mated when he was a Yale student.
Since he first told it, thirty years ago,
it has been often repeated, has been
appropriated by other people who had
no right to it, and has indeed, like
many other stories, THAT he invented,
become common property. If it were
to be told in public tomorrow it would
be pronounced chestnut and nobody
would think of giving credit to its orig
inator and original teller. Mr.. Depew
placed the scene not in Peekskill, but
a fourishing community where the eel
industry fourishes and the most sue
cessful kinds of eelports are regarded
with high favor.
Here is the story of the afflicted widow
and the consoling eels:
The wife of q fisherman was ap-
preached one day by his fellow workers
with statement that her husband had
been drowned. Her grief was incon-
solable, and her dispair was heard
through the whole village. She went
into convulsions. Next day they came
to her again with the somewhat ale
WAITING announcement that the body
had been found. "But," they said "it's
condition is dreadful" "Well," she
said, "tell me the worst" swell" !"
said they. madam, he is covered with
eels.n Covered with eels?" "Yes,
madam; we hated to tell you, but it is
true. He is covered with eels.' "Well, u
said the widow, drying her tears, ''set
him again."
Another story that has gone all over
the country is abouta spotted coach dog
that wouldn't wash.
The husband of a lady in Peekskill
got rich in the foundry business, hav-
ing been previously mouider. So the
wife set up carriage. Some one told
her she ought to have a coach dog;
otherwise the establishment would be
complete. So she came to dog fancier
in New York and boughta nice spotted
coach dog. A week OF SO afteTward
she was out one day and got caught in
tremendous rainstorm, which washed
all the spots off the dog. In great fury
she went back with the dog to the dog
merchant and said: "You scoundrel!
Why did you cheat me by selling me
this dog as coach dog9"
Said be: "It's all right madam. I
did not cheat you. He is coach dog,
but there is an umbrella goes with him,
which I forgot"
Here is story Mr.. Depew tells OF
Georgia:
I went to hotel in Georgia and
said to the clerk, "Where shall auto
graph?"
"Autograph?" said the clerk.
Eyes, sign my name, you know"
"Oh, right here" signed my name
in the register. In little while in
came some Georgia crackers. One OF
them advanced to the desk.
; "Will you autograph'' asked the
clerk with smile.
"Cert'niy," said the Georgia cracker,
beaming. mines rye. What's yours,
fellows?"
The clerk treated with good grace.
Then he leaned back and glared at
me. felt sorry for him and was some
what conscience stricken. "Too bad. !"
I said. "This is what comes from speak
ing foreign language in ones own
country"
No. 4 is a story by which Or. Depew
shocked an English duchess. She was
one of those insuiar old ladies who are
very anxious to knowi if all these dread