The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1893-09-12
UNCLE SETH AS A ooNsoLER.



Priceless Philosophy From a Man whe
Earns 90 Cents Every Day.
Wal, SO ye he'd yer laig sawed off In a
sawmill, did yer Sawed right off two inches
above the kneeg Wal. it's the best thing yer
could do. Hold yer horsesl Hold upi Don't
say world l came down here on purpose
TO console ye an now don't 40 to gettin riled
] tell ye man ought TO be happy who is
lucky enough to get his laig sawed of.
Hold on, now; don't yer see I'm consolin
yer Wen feller's tryin 70 say sweet words
OF comfort an peace to ye, it's plague-on pro
vokin to hev ye go an r'ar up about it. ]
tell ye, Ab'rum, it's the biggest thing We
ever did wen yer went an he'd that ar laig
sawed off. It's money in yer pocket, an it
would ha' been more money in yer pocket to
he'd yer other laig sawed off too-on'y in
that case yer wouldn' had no pocket to put
yer money into. Hel hel
Oh, SO you can't see any use In any sich
tom-fool, fol-de-rol nonsenseP tell We it's
jest as true as Scripter mixed with the cen
sus report that every experience man has
Is worth 81 to him. Any is'rable, every
day experience is worth 81 to him il he is
the right kin er man. Ye know young Bob
Perkins, who couldn't earn his salt fore he
lost his right laig. Then he went circusing
roun to all the shows in the country as the
one laiged bicycler an made 81, 200 in one
summer. Wen he fell off'n his bicycle an
lost his other laig, he went roun with q
menagerie an a circus walkin on his hands,
an he made 10000 in one trip If you
want to ketch a fortune, you can ketch it
quicker on one laig than yer can on two
an ye can ketch it walkin on yer hands in
no time. You know oil Cy Perkins, who
wuz born up here at the Bean place? A
reg'lar lummiX! Wal, he went to the war
an lost his laig. Guess he lost it runnin
away, coz he wus so scarf he allus run away
from an angleworm COZ he wuz feered It
wus snaik. Wal, he wuz SO scarf that
wen some of the Union boys shot some
tame turkeys he heerd the firin an thought
the rebs were comm an started to run 80
fast that one laig tumbled over the other,
an he got all mixed up with hisself an
broke it. Wal, sir, he came home, an we
all kinder pitied him-he wuz SIGH gawk
an we made him sillickman, an mex year
we pitied him some more, coz he wuz
gawkier than ever, an sent him to the leg
islatur, an I'll be dinged If the deestrict
didn't take him up an run him for congress
on his soldier record
Wal, sir, he run a good deal better than
the other man, coz the other man didn't hey
either wooden laig or wooden head, an
Cy was well supplied with both. If the
other Teller he'd he'd five laigs an bicycle,
he couldn't ha' run for congress az quick az
oil Cy with his wooden laig an his head of
the same material.
tell We, Ab'rum, as l said afore every
experience is wuth q to a man if he knows
how to use it. OF course losin yer laig Is
with thousans. But every little miser'ble
experience is with 81 il you've only got
gumption enough to carry it to the right
market an sell it, Ye might give q hungry
man bushel of taters, an he would starve
to death If he didn't know 'nough to cook
'em. An experience amt with nothiu II
ye don't know how to use it. Neither is
$40 bill
tell ye every experience is wuth 81 to
We, an every man ought to hev three OK
perfumes day-like gettin n cinder in his
eye, losin his poeketbook or fallin off a hay
mow-he oughter get three day, an that's
S3, an that's 81 600 year; an so every man
who's GO years oil ought to be with $50 O0u
How oil am l? Wal, I'm 90 myself How
much am | worth? Oh-er-er mighty
pleasant weather we're hevin now, amt itf
Good grass weather, good weather for
garding sass, good weather for critters,
good GROWN weather, good wealth How
much am wuth? Wal, I've got thirteen
dollars an some odd cents in the bank, but
then hain't never had no time to 20 foolin
roun to fin market for my experiences.
But can't hang roun here no longer. Bill
Smith is givin me go cents day to take
care Of his stock, an must hurry home to
water the cows.-S. W. Foss in New York
Tribune.