Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-08
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INoS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and JOkelets that Arc Supposed 20
Have Been Recently Born Sayings ana
DoiDRS that Are ODD, Curious and
LRughAble.
Let Us Laugh.

SOME peoples eyes are a regular
pair Of stares. Rochester Democrat.
A MAN with million can't very
well help being a capital fellow
Troy Press.
A BooTLEss ATTEMPT To get up
stairs without being heard by your
wife.-Texas Siftings..
The man who was dissatisfied with
the menagerie said it was a beastly
affair. -Binghamton Leader,
IT wasn't until woman started in
to improve her mathematics that
she began to count for much. Troy
Press.
The assertion that a woman can't
keep a secret is disproven by the way
a spinster holds her age, Boston
Courier.
JAesoN says If most mems con-
sciences should talk out loud they
would be sued for SANDER. -Elmira
Gazette.
Dor (aged 6, on conclusion Of song
by celebrated teno)-"Papa, did that
man make all that noise on purpose?"
-Tid-Bits.
THE sawmill sometimes impresses
the operator which the fact that 1t has
an "of-hand" way Of doing things.
Boston Courier.
WHEN two people get mad at each
other, each begins to think Of how
much he has done for the other. -
Atchison Globe.
No, MAUD, dear, the chickweed
and the eggplant are not members of
the same botanical family.-Phila'
delphia Record,
DAsHAwAY L have just been up in
the mountains for a little shooting.
Cleverton-Any luck? Dashaway-
One guide, Life.
"WAs the charity ball a SUGGEST"
ooh, my, yes. Our deficit was only
$40, and the Charity Society will have
to pay it."-Brooklyn Life.
"YoU must have perseverance,"
said the young physicians friend.
mo" was the reply, ~what l want is
patients. Washington Star
"OH, mamma" said little Ethel
the first time she saw a Chinaman,
"look at the gentleman with his eyes
cut bias. Washington Star.
You can tell more about a mans
character by trading horses with him
than you can by hearing him talk in
prayer meetings. RAMS Horn.
TOURIST understand they raise
pretty nearly everything in this
county. Farmer - Everything but
mortgages, pardner. Buffalo Express
Il DON'T loike ownin' me own
home, said Pat, after a year of pro-
prietorship. at takes all the fun
out Of not payin' rint. --Harper's Ba-
Ear.
A LADY says that she could always
know when she had taken just too
much wine at dlnner-her husbands
Jokes began to seem funny. -Sift-
ings,
A FARMER who wished to enter
some animals at an agricultural ex-
hibltion, wrote as follows to the
secretary: ENTER me for a jackass. "
lid Bits.
IT doesn't do to be too careful.
The man who bit a quarter and
found that it was bad, left it in such
shape that he couldn't pass 1t any
where.-Puck.
FROM A LAST WILL. faithful
servant Johann is to receive 1000
empty wine bottles, the contents of
which he drank during my lifetime"
-Fllegende Blaetter.
POSTAL CLERK Madam, this let
ter is overweight" Cora Spondence
why, how is that?" Postal Clerk
you have put two Columbian
stamps on it!"-Puck.
what is the name of that ex-
Queen of Hawaii never can re-
member it?" asked one Philadelphia
of another. "Liliokawanamaker
said the other. Truth.
AGNEs-Why don't you break the
engagement II he is so disagreeable
to you9 Mamie-Well, you see, he's
given me hardly any presents as yet.
Atlanta Constitution.
THE process Of trying to get an Of
flee is very simple First, the ap-
plicants file their applications; then
the party in authority polishes them
of. Philadelphia Times.
FITz-W What does r. S. V. P. stand
for? Maxwell, to Judge by the
conduct of some society people, |
should say it means Rush in, Shake
hands, Victual up, and Put!-Puck. |
BAGLEIGH-It's my opinion that |
Brown hasn't half the brains he
thinks he has. Wagleigh-Probably |
not, but did you ever think how nice
ly he could get along with even less
than that.-Detroit Tribune.
AN undertaken in Union, Tenn,
recently used his hearse in pursuing
his daughter, who had eloped with |
his assistant. Could the undertaken
overtaker is problem left unsolved
by the accounts. - Philadelphia
Ledger.
FAIR CLIENT want to get a
divorce from my husband" Chicago