The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1893-02-03
cHApTERxI.

/
Ifelt tolcrably snro mat ! should not
have to wait long AeforeFccciving visit
and d full confession from Jim. When,
however, he duly presented himself at my
chambers, his avowal did hot prove to be
in all respects what | had anticipated.
tdarry, old fellpw,a he began, after he
had cast himself down upon my sofa and
had assumed e most woe begone air, 'I've
lost my self respect"
~ shall be very pleased to assist you IN
looking about for it, replied cheerfulIy,
"and ! dare say, between us, we shall
manage to discover 1t again. 1t was mis-
laid, presume, somewhere in Windsor or
Elton on the afternoon or evening Of the
Goth instantg'
He nodded. "Well, yes; suppose 90.
At any rate, wasn't quite certain Of the
loss until then. OF course, with your
sharp eyes, you saw long ago how matters
were going with me; but give you my
honor that didn't. Not that 1t would
have made any difference IL / had; for
one can't help these things. II you had
asked me, any time during the last six
years, whether could ever love another
woman as loved the one whom l was
once so nearly marrying, should have
laughed at you. Yet that Is what has
happened to me; and confess that it
makes me feel a little uneasy and
ashamed" 70
could not zee why man who has re-
manned faithful all his life To q woman
who has deceived him and thrown him
over should have any particular right to
respect himself for being such doit, and
! said so; but Jim observed that didnt {
seem quite to catch his meaning. "
II owe nothing to iilda, = BIO said sand
1t stands to reason that II one hrs been
Tilted, one islfFee. 1t isn't to her that I
have been untrue; itssto myself. I'm too
stupid to explain myself but six years Is
a longish time, YOU know, and to lind my
self madly in love again, after having been
quite positive for six years that that was
the one sensation which never could pos.
sibly experience a second time, Ia d little
upsetting, II makes nae feel that am
not the man took myself f0r, and also
that have been ainoststupendDlis fodi. y
"You have indeed, my dear fellow"
agreed, with ready sympathy
"Yes, Because, now that Il look back
upon It all, J. am convinced that never
was really In love with fiilda. / thought
j was, but it seems TO have been gigantic
mistake from first to last, and what sort
Of opinion can one have Of anybody who
can make such mistakes as THAR, .4-sos
"Be comforted, ~ renieds -fyour case Ia
not without numerous presidents, and So
far as you have stated 1t, 1t seems to me
to be one for plenary absoiutiJn. At the
same time, Il YOU are SO very anxious to
frame an indictment against yourself, I
think that might be managed without 60
ing 80 far afield. ! don't blame you for
falling in love with Lady Mildred, for that
you couldn't help; but, since you must
know as well as do that you can't marry
her, 1t might perhaps have been little
more considerate not to tell her that you
loved her"
''Good Lordr' calculated Jim; tyou
don't suppose ! have told her, do your
Why, never knew 1t myself until the
other day, down at Eton, when the truth
flashed upon me all of sudden. 1t may
seem very ridiculous to you, but / assure
you that up to that moment / had been
under the impression that only cared for
her as friend And it is only as friend
that she thinks Of me- X G{
Really" l said, somewhat staggered
by this announcement, t'Then4- excuse
my curiosity, but what made her eyes SO
red after you and she had been talking to-
getherpn
"Her eyes were red because she had
been crying, (" answered Jim, curtly.
He looked SO savage thatI did not like
to press him with further inquiries; but
he resumed by and by Of his own accord:
"She had been telling me about her fami-
ly affairs, and nice mess they seemed to
have got into There is no inducing Lord
Staines to economize He has left off rae
ing, but believe that Is the only expense
that he has put down, and Of course he
has To support the Bracknells. In point
Of fact, didn't come here to speak to you
about myself and Lady Mildred, because
that is perfectly hopeless business, and
neither you nor anybody else can help me;
but I'm troubled in my mind about
Bracknell. He has been very kind and
pleasant to me since ! have been back, but
] know he is in sea of difficulties,
and"--
II expected this" / interrupted, in
some yexation. $50 much for his prom
ise. OF course he has been borrowing
money from you, and he Is Just about as
likely to repay you as IL he were a South
American republic. You may as well
make up your mind that you. will never
see that money again"
"Do let man finish his sentence" /" re-
Jim. t'In the first place, he
hasn't borrowed shilling Of me, and In
the second, it wouldn't distress me In the
least If he had borrowed thousand
pounds. Butdo you know, Harry, some
times ! am half afraid that Bracknell is q
He said this so hesitatingly and with
such q look Of anxious depreciation on his
honest face that had not the heart to tell
him how extremely probable it was that
bis apprehensions were well founded, al
though / could not go SO far as to meet
him with the contradiction which he evil
IDENTIFY hoped for, So only begged him