The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1893-09-22
HICKS PATENT COOKER.
The Pathetic Story That Induced
the Rector to Buy.

the Rector to Buy.
| 81 would like to call your attention
to my paytent cooker" said the mild
hammered man with the soft low voice
to the rector of ST. Bartholomew. st
consists, as mebbe you can see"
But 1 don't desire q cooker, and
would not look at one if 1 did," inter-
rupted the rector of st. Bartholomew
in as irascible manner as is permitted
to his cloth.
"They come in three Sizes" contin-
ued the mild-mannered man with the
soft low small, mejum and
large. They're made of tin, genuwine
block tin. not rolled tin. l have fre-
quently been congratulated on the
quality of my tin. Said Bishop Dobson
to me: Hicks, 1 congratulate you on
the quality of your tim"
''Bishop Dobson?' queried the rector
of st. Bartholomew's with languid in
terest. 81 don't remember to have seen
his name in the church calendar
''Methody," explained the mild-man-
nered man. 'I'm Methody. Here's
a certificate from my pastor saying I'm
an individooal of moral character and
use good tin in my cookers. Here's q
letter from Rev. Edward Atkins-but
don't set much store by that, bein' as
he is a Baptis', and no judge of tin.
The principle on which my cooker is
based"
you will have to excuse me-" said
the rector of st. Rartholomew's, look
Ing hard at the heavy gold watch pre-
sented him by the parish on his last
birthday, ''but / have sermon to
write"
"Mebbe your lady would like to see
| the cooker" said the mild-mannered
man, "It's made of genuwine block
tin, and Bishop Dobson himself said
Hicks, l congratulate you on the quail
ity of your tin"
81 have no wife," said the rector,
with the merest suspicion of blush.
"Then buy a cooker and git one," said
the mild-mannered man, confidentially.
'With Hicks paytent cooker as an
argumint you will git one easy. They
come in three sizes-small, mejum and
large. This here is the small one.
Folds all up, you see, like telescope.
Mebbe you wouldn't believe it, but one
of them small-sized cookers saved my
life once. 1t was in the spring of 1858,
or the fall of 1852, or the winter of
1854, | don't remember which and it
don't make no difference, that Rev. DR..
James Wilyums, ID. D., and took pas
sage for Africly in the brig Thomas J.
| Walkup, goin' as missionaries to some
| A.
keeps down the population, and conse=
quently accounts for the depressed
values of real estate in the Dark Con-
tinent. Rev. DIR. Wilyuns was to teach
the savages religion, but my mission
was a more important one. 1 was to
introduce Hicks paytent cooker among
'em. You can see that even this large
sized cooker won't hold a man, to say
nothin' of the mejum and small
ones. Now l calculated to teach the saw
ages to use my cookers, and when they
got so attached to 'em as to never eat
nothin' except what was cooked IN
cooker-seein' that you couldn't cook
man in 'em--cannibalism would natur-
ally die out. When broached my plan
to Bishop Dobson his eyes shone and he
said: Go, Hicks, go. Your work will
supplement the work of Rev. DR.. Will
yums. 1 heartily commend your plan,
and congratulate you on the quality
of your tin. Them was his words, and
l went
"Well, sir, the mornin' after / az
rived in Africky l began to talk to the
chief about my cooker, when what
does he do but take me down to the
leadin' grocery store of the town and
show me Rev, Dr. Wilyums chained up
Can you cook him?' axed the chief
mo, said !, my breath all gone
with surprise at the turn affairs had
took
=: Well said tha old chief. 'them's
the kind Of Yictuals we eats. We don't
consume much In the way of breakfast
foods, infants foods and the like. If
your cooker can't cook our style of pro-
visions we amt got any use for it
''And with that they put me in their
jail AID that was the last ever seen
or heerd of Rev. DIR. James Wilyums,
d. d. They would have ct me at once,
but the chiefs daughter, pgogina, fell
in love with me, and made 'em put of
the ohsequies or festivities, according
as you looked at it from my stand
point or the savages'. 1 talked nice to
Ugogina, and got her to bring me my
small-sized cooker, the only one the cid
witch doctor what lEeps the cookers
would let her have; and with that
cooked them savages the finest kinds of
victuals theyeve ct, and they set me free
and made me royal cook, and the chief
kinder smiled ipduigently at the way
Ugogina was maxim up to me. So you
see the small-sized cooker saved my
life"
"I'll buy the small size,v said the
rector, hastily Il have a sermen to
write
Now you just take my advice and
git mejum size. You can afford it. |
When you take that small-sized cooker
round to that young lady you're after, /,
when you ask her to marry you whatIl |
she think? Why, shell, say TO herself
that in huyin' this small cooker you are |
layin' out not to ever have any COM |
pany to meals. and if she is girl that