The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-11-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Ruled oh-Dedgers.
A tweed garment-A sac coat.
"Get off the earth, " the cyclone said
to the barn.
A nervous affection-A man on the
eve of proposal.
The crawfish is not very good to
eat, but it will do at pinch. Truth.
One characteristic of good old Elijah
was his raven-ous appetite. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
London's constant fog may be
caused by the continuous reign. -
Dallas News
The fine wheat will insure the farmer
and the English sparrow full crops
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
People who are always schoming
generally pay about double for what
they get. milwaukee Journal.
When a man is dressed in little
brief authority, he makes it mere con-
spicuous than II red necktie Puck.
So far no one has ever made the
blunder of painting Cupid to look as
if he had any sense. --Atchison Globe
"Why does Snagsby keep his hair
cut SO short?" because he's getting
bald, and he won't have it long. =
Philadelphia Record.
''He says he owes you licking,
does he? Well, you'll never get it. "
"How do you know?' 'lm his
tailor. Chicago Tribune.
Hes very modest young man,
isn't he?" 'Modest as burglar; he
doesn't even want the credit of his
own work. "-Philadelphia Record.
An enterprising hosier has an
nouncod new button, which he calls
The Old Maids Wedding Why? Be
cause it never comes off Tit Bits.
The coalmans season may be the
winter, the summer the iceman's harv'
est, so that it's possible the milkmap
finds his greatest profit in the spring.
Shall from her sweet spell depart,
Or take her for better or worse2
The choice is will she break my heart,
Or shall she break my purse?
Puck.
Demonstration in Natural Science
"Gentlemen, l hold in my hand three
shells" Voice from amphitheatre)
cit isn't uudor any of them. Detroit
Free Press.
Watts-''I wonder how this world
will get along when you and | have
left it?" Potts-.''You'd better be
wondering how well get along?'-In'
dianapolis Journal.
Pipkin--"Does your wife know
anything about cooking?" Potts-"1
guess she does; you can't got her into
any of your cheap restaurants. Kate
Fields Washington.
"Hello, Bingley, how did the doctor
succeed in breaking up Your feyerY
"Oh, easy enough; he presented his
bill, and l had chill ia fifteen min
utes. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
"Can 1 get this note shaved?" he
timidly asked the money-lender
Gracious - calculated the broker, rs
he glanced Mt the date, 'it's old enough
to need iti'--Atlanta Constitution.
Unless old words can be exchanged
for the new ones that are being rapidly
coined, English dictionaries will soon
have to be taken to a cotton compress
to be rendered portable. Dallas News.
Applicant for Work "But the oc'
cupation seems to he dangerous one
Manager yes; but then in cuse YOU
are killed the company would send
flowers to your funeral. - Boston
Transcript.
Richard when my wife agreed to
share her lot with me / lidu't know
there was mortgage on it. Harry
"A mortgage" Richard 900 Her
mother, I found, went with the lot. "
Boston Transcript.
A fellow in Smithvillc who couldn't
spare 50 n year for newspaper sent
ifty twO.cent stamps to down-eest
Yankee TO know how to raise bects.
He got an answer, Take hold of tho
tops ami pull for all you are worth. -
Oswego Times
On, the gold is rolling in
From beyond the hriny scae.
Millions rolling in each day
G-Eglng us financial Csse
Millions more are un tho way.
iiplling onward TO this goal,
An as we are pono 100 fush.
Why. Wen Just let her roll
Kansas City Journal.