Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1893-10-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

| Iue IllChtSt why vi olouoothihB io'Sh
characters is to iron them. Texas
Siftings.
Many fond parent does not get to
sleep until after the bawl is over
Boston Globe.
Even when the acrobat is bending
the crab ON the front lawn he is, tigura-
lively speaking, on the back stoop.-
Detroit Free Press.
Geography Teacher-''Tommy, how
is the earth divided?" Tommy-"Er,
not at all cause everybody most wants
it ALL Chicago Inter Ocean.
"Smith's business is going along like
clockwork. "Pooh, his place is IN
the hands of receiver " "That's it,
being wound up. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Dinkle-"Funny thing about Not
rich and his new piano. Dankle--
SIS, eh?" Dinkle---"Yes; plays it by
ear and pays for it by note. Buffalo
| Courier.
Arrival--"Can I put up at this
house?" Clerk--'T suppose SO. Got
any baggage?" Arrival-"No." Clerk
How much do you want to put up?"
Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. '1s your wife at home,
Mr.. WILBUR" Wilbur--"Notc certain,
but if you'll hold that screen door
open half a minute you'll hear from
her. ."--Cleveand Plain Dealer.
The Consolation of Mstrimony She
81 suppose you would have been
happier if you had not married me?"
He-"Yes, darling, but 1 wouldn't
have known it. "-Life's Calendar.
Prisoner--"B would rather tell
would be believed?" Lawyer-"Yes
that's the trouble. 1t would carry
conviction with it. Harlem Life.
"You seem to like the Colonel,
Uncle Mose?" Eyes, sab; he's so
gentlemanly, snhl" "Gentlemanly, in
what way?'' "With his money, sab,
with his money" Buffalo Courier.
Tenor--"Sir, this music is trife
too high for me-" Manager--'Let us
take it note lower" Tenor--"Oh,
half note would do" Manager
(solemnly)--"Here, sir, we never do
things by halves !'--Tit-Bits.
Mr. Baldboy (smiling kindly "The
waves are using you rudely. Will you
permit me to assist you to the shore?"
Miss Waterly---'N mind, thank
you. The waves may be rude, but
they are not fresh. "-Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Spiker lin search of a boarding
house There is no limit to the diet,
presume, madam" Boarding house
Keeper (proudly)--"No limit, sir.
During the last year five of my
boarders died from over eating. -
Tit-Bits.
"Mr. Metemnn," said the young
wife with great severity to her butch
er, "those last eggs you sent me were
all spoiled, and unless you change
your old hens for new ones shall be
obliged to trade somewhere else. -
Chicago Record.
Random Observer - pardon me,
but what are you putting down in
your notebook" Worlds Fair Visit
or--"Oh, I'm Just putting down the
things that have made an indelible i'm
preston upon my memory SO that l
won't forget them. Chicago Record.
Freshleigh Ito stranger at recep-
tion) this is funny house |
l came here tonight without an invita-
ton" Stranger--"So did I. How
did you come here?" Freshleigh--
Gust walked in. How did you come
here?" Stranger--"Ju walked in.
It's my house. Vogue.
He was small man, the conductor
of an electric car, and she was large,
powerful looking woman. 81 want
you to put me off at Concord street."
she said. He viewed her majestic fig
ure for moment, and re piled: MAD.
am, will stop the car and let you get
off New York Press.
81 suppose the panic hasn't struck
you yet, Mr.. Gotrox?" 'It hasn't,
eh? Here I've got more'n $40, 900
that / can't get people to borrow at
all--they're all afraid to go into bust
ness any deeper. If these times keeps
up little longer I'll land in the poor
house in six months. Indianapolis
Journal.
A Judge, in crossing the Irish Chan
mel one stormy night, knocked against
well-known witty lawyer who was
suffering terribly from seasickness.
"Can / do anything for you?" said
the Judge. eyes" gasped the seasiclS
lawyer, 81 wish your lordship would
overrule this motion. White Noun
tsineer.
Chollie-'I hate to say anything i'll
of dead man, but the doosid lawyers
who have been looking over Upper
toms papers have bwought to light
things that showed him to be no gen,
tlemen." Chappie-''Haw What did
they find?" Chollie-"Evwy time he
loaned any money to any of the men
in the club he made memorandum
Of t,"--Indianapolis Journal.