Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-09-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


In at the death-The heir-apparent.
Truth
A model young lady-The one who
poses for an artist.
Jagson says he has no objection to a
foreign air if it is disinfected. -Elmlra
Gazette.
Antiquity is the thing which we are
going to be thousand years hence.
Rams Horn.
The woman who vows that she has
''waited for an age" never confesses to
it in her years.
Hope is the smiling parsonage who
presents us with bill-of-fare when we
haven't a cent in our pocket. Worlds
Fair Puck.
Landlord 'You should always pay
as you go, young man." Impecunious
Boarder-'True, but don't intend to
go for six months yet. boston Gazette.
"When l was young we prepared
students for life; now we prepare them
for examinations, is o bit of truth
from Jules Simon. Medical Record.
Then wide must be the range
OF things to come to those who stop
In dry goods stores for change.
Buffalo Courier.
Mr.. Foster Tightfist-" "Say let me
have that five I loaned you last night,
will you?" Mr.. Spender-''Ma alive,
/ haven't had time to spend it yet. -
Brooklyn Life.
Late revelers singing "Theres No
Place Like Home" always stop their
melody just before they get there and
creep upstairs in their stocking feet.
Boston Transcript.
He--(maliciously)-"It ia only the
female mosquito that annoys people"
She (musingly)-'1 notice that you
take great delight in mashing M"
Indianapolis Journal.
Skiggs--"Must be something inter
esting. What is it?" Skaggs-'I Long
account telling how q man was robbed
on car" Skiggs-"H "Humph Wag-
ner or Pullman P''-Buffalo Courier.
Charley-"So, Jim, you were ex-
travagant enough to pay $40 dozen
for your handkerchiefs. Don't you
think that was good deal of money
to blow in?"-Columbus Spectator.
Zone of you boys has been stealing
raisins again; l have found the seeds
ON the floor. Which one of You was
it?" Tommy-'1t wasn't me; swal-
lowed the seeds in mine. "--Tit-Bits.
Tommy lat the Fair)- "Mamma,
what makes all the guards wear straps
under their chins?" Mamma tired
QUIT think it is to keep them from
asking questions. Chicago Inter
Ocean. 49,
He-"What kind of story did that
tramp trump up to get his breakfast?"
She-"None at all. He said he'd seen
o good many babies, but our Teddy
was ahead of them ALL Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Teacher = Nov, Tommy, if you
were a man and had $4,000, and you
wanted to buy house worth $40, 900,
what would you do?" Tommy-'I
guess I'd try and marry some woman
with $4,000. Texas Siftings.
Drill Sergeant to recruit) I've
bOlu you IOTby biInes tudb you Hubt
stand up es straight as if you had swal-
lowed ramrod. Instead of that you
appear to have swallowed half dozen
Turkish scimitars. Texas Siftings.
He-"Is there anything I can do to
prove my affection 80 that you will not
doubt it?" She-"There is. Marry
my sister. She is older than /, and
mamma is determined to not let me
marry till sister is disposed of. In
dianapolis Journal.
Mr.. Wickwire-'I notice that Jules
Verne is sixty-six years old and has
written just sixty six books" Mrs.
Wickwire "Well, that is not SO
many. He only had to write at the
rate of one book year to do that
Indianapolis Journal
Doctor "What you need is more
exercise. What business do you fol-
low?" Patient-'I am bricklayer." "
"Humph should think you would
get a.l the exercise you required, but
your symptoms indicate that you are
of sedentery disposition. "WelI,
you see, Doctor, work by the day"
"Ah, that explains it. t'--Texas Sift
ings.