The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-08-24
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The Wife-''Tou are a poor excuse
for a man" The Husband-''I must
be, my dear, if l married you to get a
better halt. Truth.
Mrs. Fern-"What, Married again,
and your wife has only been dead three
weeks?" The Carpenter-''Why, yes.
Isn't she as dead as she ever will be?"
-Soundings.
Summer Landlord - well, how
does the thermometer stand this morn
ing?' Summer Guest-"It does not
stand, it lies, by about fifteen degrees"
indianapolis Journal.
1t must have been love match,
for she knew he was poor" No, he
told her he had only remnant of his
fortune left, and she. of course. thought
she'd get a bargain. Inter Ocean.
Deacon Bragg-"Do you think it is
sinful to marry for money! Rev. Mr..
Tium-'It never occurred to me so: on
the contrary. sometimes | have thought
the fee was too small. Boston Globe.
Jack Brown and his sister Emily
are twins, aren't they?' They are
now but they won't be when Jack
thirty. Emily will never consent to be
the same age as Jack then. ''-Harper's
Bazaar.
II understand" said the man of
general information, that the King
of Siam has hundred wives" Great
Scott" exclaimed Mr.. Meekins; no
wonder he isn't looking for war
Washington Star.
Il hope, Johnny said the Sunday
school teacher to her new scholar,
that your parents are good Chris
tians." well, ma is, replied Johnny;
and pa used to be, but | guess he is
little out of practice now"
-Fizzleum-''I went home full the
other night, and had the greatest diff
Guilty in finding the keyhole.' Squiz-
zleum-"I can always find a dozen
when go home in that condition. -
Brooklyn Eagle.
Not Much Danger.-Mr. Snooper
(boastingly)-''I carry my life in my
hand" Miss Giddey with a glance at
the size of his hand)-'I should say
your life was safe. detroit Free
Press.
-Colored Philosophy.-''Why, Sam,
how do you expect to get that mule
along with a spur only on one side?'
well, boss. if l gets dat side to go,
amt de udder one boun' to keep up?'
Yankee Blade.
A Dangerous Summer Girl.-He-
$50 we are engaged. Isn't it lovely?'
Satisfactorily" He-''I wonder if
anybody saw me when kissed You last
night?' She-'I hope So" He
"What?" She-'I hope so" He
''Why?" She-''I mean business and
want witnesses. Detroit Free Press.
From One Point of View.-'I Won
der" said one of the loungers, " what
was the origin of the swallow-tailed
coat?" at is my idea, said the grille
whiskered man from Montana, that
they We're cut that way in the first
place to make it handy for man to
git his CUR" -Indianapolis Journal.
Young Man-"Why don't you go
faster? | am going to be married this
morning and at this rate will arrive
too late for the wedding" Driver
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES, what of
that? l am giving you plenty of time
to think better OF il. Chips.
An Experienced Man.-Jeweler-
Eyes, sir, | will engrave anything you
with on this ring without extra
charge" Young Man-''Inscribe on it
From George TO Alice. Jeweler-
Him. The lady is your sister, may
be?" Young Man-''The fact is this is
an engagement ring" Jeweler-"Ah,
my young friend, have had consider
able experience in engagement rings,
and would suggest that the inscrip-
ton be simply From George Then it
will do for another time, you know. -
Iowa State Register.