davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
Lucrative Honesty.

"Oh, Tom," said young wife to
her husband, ~ found a truly hon
est man this morning"
"Indeed?" said he laughing IRON
ically.
"Yes, did," she said. HE was
tramp-oh, so dirty and ragged
and sick-looking and miserable
He came around the back way, and
begged me in the touchingest tone
of voice just to give him any old
coat or trousers, so that he could
throw away his rags and be little
cleaner-so gave him that old
black coat of yours"
"Hm-m-m-m!" said Tom, raising
his brows critically.
"Now don't say 'Hm-m-m-m |!
that way" pouted his wife, ''for be-
fore he had been gone ten minutes
he came back all out of breath, and
what do you think?"
asked for vest and hat to suit
the coat" growled Tom.
mo SIR" proudly exclaimed Mrs
Tom. "No sir; he came to bring
back five-dollar bill he found in
the inside pocket, where you had
forgotten it last summer! There
wasn't that honest?"
"Yes-s-s," said Tom, slowly
"What did you give him for it?"
II thought such unusual honesty
was worth a dollar-so | gave it to
him. Such honesty deserves reward
I'm sure"
II suppose it does" said Tom
with a lugubrious look, as he reached
out his hand for the bill, "only you
see, wifey, | never carried money in
my inside pocket in my life, and
She caught her breath.
"This blanked bill is a rank
counterfeit-that's all"-Cincinna.
ii Commercial Gazette.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
Cornered.

Naturally ] was pleased when the
hostess led up and introduced me to
the prettiest girl in the room.
And was agreeably surprised
when the young lady gave ME a
gracious smile and claimed me as an
old acquaintance, frankly adding
that it was useless to introduce us
unless l had forgotten her.
And / had.
"If ever met you before, it must
have been in the dark" / thought
to myself. For how could have
failed to remember herP ! have a
very fine memory for that sort of
face.
had not caught her name. ]
could not place her. So I put a
bold face on and remarked, un-
blushingly: mo, indeed, l have
not forgotten you! But thought
a second introduction might be
safer. / did not care to hope that
your memory was as good as mine"
could see by the young lady's
expression that this little speech
'went." 1t was accepted at its face
value, and ! was beginning to con-
gratulate myself on my presence Of
mind--for social lying does not
come easy to me-when the wom-
anly curiosity Of the hostess led her
to investigate.
"How funny! So you and Jenny
have met before?" she inquired.
"Oh, yes" I answered, promptly.
Then she deliberately Aoored me
with the point blank question,
"Where? ?"-Harper's Bazaar.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
Beech During Thunder Storms

No tree is entirely protected
against being struck by lightning.
When the atmosphere is overcharg-
ed with electricity all of them are
liable to become the aim of some
bolt, but the beech is the one in the
whole category of trees that is more
rarely struck than any other.
Prof. Hellman, in his statistics on
this subject, says that lightning
strikes pine trees fifteen times often
er and oak fifty-four times oftener
than beech. This fact is very well
known to frequenters Of timbered
regions. Traces of lightning bolts
are more frequently found on oak
trees, while only rarely are they OBJ
served in the beech. It was thought
at first that the condition of the
ground had much to do with this
unequal distribution of lightning
strokes of trees, but this is not the
case. 1t is the characteristic con-
dition of the tree itself that accounts
for 1t. Trees which contain oily
substances to high degree, even
in the summer, may be regarded
as comparatively lightning-proof,
while those containing glucose mat
ter attract the lightning more fire.
quently. Dead branches are very
apt to increase the danger. 1t need
only be cited that acorns are valuable
because they contain 55 per cent. Of
glucose matter and only 4 per cent.
Of fat, while from the nut of the
beech, pig-nut oil is made.--St.
Louis POst-Dispatch.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
The Price of q Chair.

The prisoner was before the
court for assaulting his wife.
"You are fine specimen, aren't
you?" said the Judge sarcastically.
"What do you mean by breaking a
chair over your wife's head"
ut was a mistake, your honor"
pleaded the prisoner.
"Do you mean to tell me-" said
the righteously angered Judge, that
you didn't intend to hit your wife
with that chairp"
mo your honor, l DON'T" re-
sponded the prisoner, "but did
not intent to break the chair
six months" remarked his hon
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

He says: 81 am very particular
about fastening the doors and win
dows of my house. | do not in
tend to leave them open at nights
as an invitation to burglars to enter.
You see, | was robbed once in that
way, and | never meant to be again
so when | go to bed l like to be
sure that every door and window is
securely fastened. Last winter my
wife hired a big strong country
girl, and the newcomer was very
careless about the doors at night
On two or three occasions / came
downstairs to find window up OF
the back-door unlocked. caution
ed her, but it did no good. | there
fore determined to frighten her.
got some false whiskers, and one
night, about eleven o'clock, ! crept
down the back-stairs to the kitchen
where she was. She had turned
down the gas and was in her chain
by the fire, sound asleep, as / could
tell by her breathing; but the mo-
ment fstruck a match she awoke
| expected great yelling ant
screaming, but noting of the sor
took place. She bounced out O.
her seat with a'You villain! OH he
lips, seized a chair by the back, and
before | had made a move, she hi
me over the head, forcing ME to IN,
knees. | tried to get up, tried t,
explain who l was, but in vain
Before could get out of the room
she struck me again; and it wa
only after | had tumbled up tn
back-stairs that she gave the alarm
Then she came up to my room
raped at the door, and coolly an
nounced: Mr.. Dash, please ge
up! I've killed a burglar
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
Can Odors Cause Deafness7

Everyone does not know that ar
omatic salts and very strong pun
gentodors areinjurious to the nerves
of smell, and often produce Sc
rious, if not incurable difficulties.
1t is we'll understood that certain
scents start the action Of the secre-
tory glands of the nose and throat,
and often the eyes fill with tears.
Frequent indulgence in the use Of
such perfumes will soon overtax the
secretory organs and weaken them.
Some day the person observes that
the hearing is less acute than usual,
and the sense Of smell seems defec-
tive.
This is, of course accredited to a
cold, and but little is thought of it.
After time, the entire head be-
comes affected, hearing and smell
are almost, if not altogether, lack
ing, and there are throat and lung
complaints which are likely to end
in chronic, if not fatal, illness.
1t has taken the medical world q
great many years to discover that
oss of hearing is almost invaria-
bly, caused by some disease Of the
throat or nose, or both.
It is said that the use of SMELL
ing-salts Is one of the most prolific
causes of deafness, operating by
weakening the olfatory nerves, and
through them the auditry system.
All strong and pungent odors
should be avoided as far as possible,
especially those which act upon the
secretory processes, and as the
popular expression goes, makes
the nose rum"
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

the little Mexican village of Las
Hummettas, in Western Arizona,
in a low, sandy valley, fanked by
tall mountains, there is a hole
about three feet in diameter and of
unknown depth.
From this cavity, which is as
round as if fashioned by an exper-
fenced well-digger, a dense cloud Of
smoke and steam is constantly aris-
ing For one hundred feet on each
side of this apparently fathomless
pit the ground is moist and damp.
Water collected from small holes
dug in the damp soil has curious
effect upon the person rash enough
to drink it-dispelling sleep for as
much as fifty hours in succession.
If the hands and feet be washed
in it, it gives them a brazen hue
and paralytic numbness.
Of an evening, about seven
o'clock (seldom varying as much as
five minutes either way), large vol
umes of sand are shot from the
hole several yards in the air. Some
times this latter exhibition is pre-
ceded by increased activity and loud
subterranean noises; at other times
the emissions of smoke and steam
almost entirely cease for about ten
minutes before the sand squirting
show takes place. The people Of
Las Hummettar know the hole by
the name of "Pluto's Safety Valve" ?"
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
How Sailors Pull Teeth.

Sailors often suffer from the tooth
ache, and have to bear the pain as
best they can until they reach the
shore. One day a certain captain
seeing sailors mouth in a bad
condition asked the cause. The
poor fellow had suffered so long with
a bad tooth that his patience gave
out. Then he took a chisel and
hammer, and found comrade who
was willing to cut off the top of the
tooth for him.
The same voyage the captain was
caught by an aching tooth, the pain
from which soon became unbearable
The remedy of the sailor had proved
so much worse than the disease that
the captain was unwilling to try the
cbisel.
His contrivance for extracting the
tooth was ingenious though intri'
cate. He fastened a fine long wire
to bullet, which he placed in hi
pistol with the wire hanging out
Securing the wire. to the aching
tooth he opened his mouth as wide
as possible and fired.
His ingenuity was rewarded, foI
the tooth followed the bullet into
the air. His experience, however
made him buy set Of dentists in
struments. But strange to relate
he never had any use for them
though he followed the sea for man,
years.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
Swinging Around the Circle

OF the disease to which it is adapted with the bes
10 ~, Ders s ia%y med
thrust upon public attention in the guise Of unit
versa psnacea for bodily ills. This claim, daily
propetors Of medicines far inferior to Il as specifies
has in thousand instance disgusted the public
in advance by It's absurdity, and the prospects Of
handicapped by the pretentions Of their worthless
predecessors. But the American people know, be.
cause they have verified the fact by the most try.
ing tests that the Btters possesses the vrtures Of
real specific In cases of maarial and liver disor-
der, constipation nervous, rheumatic, stomach and
kidney trouble. What IL does IL does thoroughly,
and mainly for this reason IL is indorsed and rec
Commended BY hosts Of respectable medical men.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
For Over Fifty Years

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup has been
used for over fifty years by millions of
mothers for their children while teethlng,
with perfect success. 1t soothes the child,
softens the gums, allays all pain, cures
wind collie, and Is tho best remedy for
Diarrhoea. 1t will relieve the poor little
sufferer Immediately. Sold by Druggists
In every part Of the world. Twenty-Five
cents bottle.,. Be sure and ask for "Mrs.
Winslow's Soothing Syrup" and take no
other kind. 1851
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
II ia Strange

That people suffering from Piles WIN
endure them for years or submit to dan.
gcrous, painful, cruel and expensive
surgical operations, when all the time
there is painless. certain, lasting cure,
which gives instant relief and costs but q
trifle. It is called the Pyramid Pile Curo
and can be found at all drug stores. Any
druggist win get 1t for you II you ask
him.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Burglar-"Hand over your mon
ey, and be mighty quick about it,
too!" Summer hotel boarder-
"You have made a mistake. I am
only a guest here. The walters
apartments are on the top floor. -
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
A Surgical operation.

For the cure of Piles is always painful.
often dangerous and useless, and invari-
ably expensive; on the other hand there Is
a new, certain cure, perfectly painless,
gives instant relief and permanent cure
and costs but a trifle. 1t Is the Pyramid
O surgical operation, without any of the
intense pain, expense and danger Of an
operation. Any druggist win get 1t for
you.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

miss c. is a little passee, but
what beautiful diamond necklace
she has," Eyes, it reminds one OF
a lantern on wreck. New York
Recorder.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
The Bitter Bitten.

The following amusing story is
told by man who attempted to
play practical joke, but was nom
plussed in very unexpected way.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

us your wife a good manager?"
asked one married man of another.
II guess she is" was the reply.
"She knows how to manage me at
all events. ."-Ex.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Customer-'Do you suppose you
can take good picture of me?"
Photographer-'I shall have to an
swer you IN the negative, sir. y
Vogue.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

MY darling" protested De Graf,
my life is an open book" "Y Yes, y"
sighed his wife, "but much of the
print is very bad" Kate Fields
Washington.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Tommy-"My mamma gives ME
birthday party next week. Did
your mamma ever give you one?"
Luce (contemtuously ooh, yes;
more than ty."-Judge.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

$50 you didn't marry him.
mo; | wouldn't marry any man
who wouldn't propose first. Truth
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

New Girl--"What does your papa
like for breakfast?" Little Mable
-"He always likes most anything
that we hasn't got."-Good News.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

SIS there any evidence that the
tramp acted like an insane personP"
"Yes; he was overheard saying that
he was willing to work for his din
ner."-Chicago Inter Ocean.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
HUMOROUS.

This is the season of the year Ill
which you can get what you do not
want real cheap-Texas Siftings.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Seeing is not always believing
For instance, we see liars frequent
ly-Philadelphia North American.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

VI wish," said the man who went
into the country for a vacation,
"that there were a little more water
in that alleged trout stream and a
little less in the milk. ashing-
ton Star.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Harry st. Ledger-"My dear
won't you sew OH this button be.
fore you 90 out?"
His New Wife-"The cook may
possibly do it for you, but please
bear in mind you married type
writer, not a sewing machine.
Life. ~
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

"What sort of a girl is she?'
"Oh, she is miss with a mission
"Ah?" "And her mission is seeking
a man with a mansion. Sketch.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Visitor-"Bobby, do you love the
new baby stillp" Bobby-"Yesi
but he's never still. ."-Philadelphia
Record.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Brooklyn Eagle.
His borrowing has caused loss
To him as well as me;
For have lost the money loaned,
And he his memory.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

"Take that back" said the in
suited man. mo, sir" replied the
other. II never tookawater in my
life" "You can't tell me that" re-
turned the first speaker. II know
better. ] used to supply you with
milk ."-Waif.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06
MICHIGAN CENTRAL
"Ths Niagara Falls Route"
Time Card in Effect.

4. Da;,v. All other trains Daily except Sunday.
parior car on day trains and sleeping cars ON
aight trains. ~,. r.u. p,e.lo- New
yorE Boston, Detroit, Toledo, Chicago, ana All
,sc;nts in the United States and Canada, ,,.,..
Through tickets 10 all points IN uhe on''co
A'N WHITING, Ticket Agent
,w. RUaeLEs. O. P. & T. Agt.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Old lady Ito druggist)-"I want
a box of canine pills"
Druggist-"What is the matter
with the dog?"
Old lady (indignantly)-"l want
you to know, sir, that my husband
is gentleman"
Druggist puts up some quinine
pills in profound silence.-Ex.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Benevolent Party MY map,
don't you think fishing is cruel
sport?" Fisherman "Cruel? Well,
| should say SO. | have sat here six
hours and have not had bite, been
nearly eat up by mosquitoes, and the
sun has parboiled the back Of my
neck. ."-Sbamokin Republican.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Mother-"For mercy's sake, child
what do you expect to do in the
worldp You can't cook nor sew
nor teach school, and you are not
an heiress; what can you do?'
Daughter-"Well, mother, car
get married, can't I?"--Texas Sift.
inps.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Young Sprigg-"Mr. Bidquick, |
am worth $4,000 and love your
daughter" Mr.. Bidquick (retired
auctioneer)-"Sold. Wonder.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

"Please tn GIMME one stamp,
sah."
"What denomination, auntie?"
"Baptis', sab! Baptis'." Judge.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

A trunk differs from "a man i'll
that it can be completely starpped
without becoming broke.-Buffalo
Courier
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

He-"Dearest, can you keep a
secretP" She-"Of course can,
Neither you nor anybody else knows
NV age."-New York Press.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

~ "
ALP
HUMOROUS.
This is the season of the year Ill
which you can get what you do not
want real cheap-Texas Siftings.
Seeing is not always believing.
For instance, we see liars frequent
ly.-Philadelphia North American.
$50 you didn't marry him9"
mo; | wouldn't marry any man
who wouldn'tpropose first. Truth.
Visitor-"Bobby, do you love the
new baby stillP" Bobby-"Yes;
but he's never still. ."-Philadelphia
Record.
A trunk differs from man i'll
that it can be completely strapped
without becoming ke.-Buffalo
Courier.
He-"Dearest, can you keep
secretp" She-"Of course ! can.
Neither you nor anybody else knows
my age."-New York Press.
Young Sprigg-"Mr. Bidquick,
am worth $4,000 and love your
daughter" Mr.. Bidquick (retired
auctioneer) )-"Sold. Wonder
"What sort of a girl is she?"
"Oh, she is miss with mission.
"Ah?" "And her mission is seeking
a man with mansion. Sketch.
New Girl-"What does your papa
| like for breakfast?" Little Mable
-"He always likes most anything
that we hasn't got. Good News.
"Please tu GIMME one stamp,
sah."
"What denomination, auntie?"
"Baptis', sab! Baptis' Judge.
Customer-"Do you suppose you
can take a good picture of me?"
Photographers shall have to an
swer you IN the negative, sir. =
Vogue.
miss c. is little passee, but
what a beautiful diamond necklace
she hasr' "Yes, it reminds one of
lantern on wreck" New York
Recorder.
MY darling" protested De Graf,
my life is an open book" "Yes,"
sighed his wife, "but much of the
print is very bad. Kate Fields
Washington.
"Is your wife good manager?"
asked one married man of another.
II guess she is" was the reply.
"She knows how to manage me at
all events. ."-Ex.
Tommy-"My mamma gives ME
birthday party next week. Did
your mamma ever give you one?"
Luce (contemtuously y)-"Oh, yes;
; more than fifty" Judge.
SIS there any evidence that the
tramp acted like an insane personP"
"Yes; he was overheard saying that
he was willing to work for his din
ner. Chicago Inter Ocean.
VI wish," said the man who went
into the country for vacation,
"that there were little more water
in that alleged trout stream and
little less in the milk. Washing
ton Star.
|
Brooklyn Eagle.
= His borrowing has caused loss
To him as well as me;
For | have lost the money loaned,
And he his memory.
: Puck.
"Take that back" said the in
suited man. mo, sir" replied the
other. II never tookawater in my
life" "You can't tell me that" re-
+. turned the first speaker. III know
better. used to supply you with
= milk. k."-Waif.
Harry st. Ledger-"My dear,
won't you sew OH this button be-
fore you 90 outP"
His New Wife-"The cook may
possibly do it for you, but please
bear in mind you married type
writer, not a sewing machine. "
Life. ~
~ ---------------
= Mother-"For mercy's sake, child
rs what do YOU expect to do in the
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-06

Vogue.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1893-09-12
THE BOOTHS OPEN.
Thousands of Boomers Are Now Register
 ing Every Day.


 ARKANSAS CITY, Kan, Sept I2-Booth No. 10 for the registration of settlers for the Cherokee strip has been opened. This booth is composed of three tents, with two clerks in each. Around each tent Is small fence containing five gates for en- trance, and at each gate is stationed guard to keep order, but this appears to be unnecessary, as the settlers are very quiet and good natured- To each tent there is line of people from one to two miles in length.
 John B. Cameron of Kansas City was the first to register. A man was registered in from one to three minutes. Half of the settlers here cannot get registered al this rate. Colonel Gallagher. who has charge of the booth, promises re-enforcements He expects sufficient force to register 5000 people today should he register that num- Der each day from now until the 10th, he would probably get the crowd registered IL is estimated that 5000 people came in Monday and 3,OO Sunday. When the booths closed last evening and nearly 500 people had registered. Miss Kate Durand of this city was the first woman to register. One man, while waiting to register, drop ped dead from the heat
 | Organizations are being perfected here to do away with the soOners. This urganiZa- | tiun will send scouts in the strip before noon Saturday and spy upon the soouers- There will he trouble should any be caught. | Reports from nearly every town and vii | lage throughout this section are full oi complaints about the dtprt7latiuns being wrought by boomers bound for the strip Horses have been stolen by scorts. cattle killed and parts taken away, hogs taken grain bins despoiled and hen ruo>ts ran. I sacked
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1893-09-12

The Minnesota club in St. Paul has dispensed with coal and uses electricity alone for cooking. At the Worlds fair some admirable object lessons in cleo trical cooking are given. Helen Louise Johnson broils steak to perfection in four minutes. She shows that f1atirons can be heated, griddle cakes Drowned, ham roasted and every other culinary operation performed at great saving of time, cleanliness and labor. The cleo trical heat is applied by merely hooking on a cord to the utensil itself, whether broiler, pot or bakepan. Then you switch on the current, and the cooking begins. The slovenly, impudent servant girl will be less in demand when the world is advanced enough to cook by electricity. Ladies will prefer to do their own cooking by this easy and dainty process.