The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11
The Canvas Crowded with PEG.
pie to Hear His Sermon
Last Night.
"The Battle of Life and How to
Win It," To.Night-"The
Blue and Gray" To.
Morrow.

the canvas at 1000. Certainly it
was great throng and an orderly
one.
Rev. DR.. Lenig prayed briefly and
the Schumann quartette sang, as only
they can, Cardinal Newman's LEAD.
Kindly Light" and "Abide with
Me"
Sam Jones was introduced by DR..
Lenig. Sam said he had been fight
ing the devil for forty-five years from
Maine to California, and from Canada
to the Gulf, and hack again. He
then selected his text from verse 10.
chapter II, Book of Proverbs. His
sermon was in his familiarity serious,
sarcastic, Outlandish and comical style.
He used many old things and spoke
some that were new to Sedalians.
A BAZoo representative noted the
following epigrams and observations
When a good man dies, he goes
straight to heaven by common con-
sen. ol all the people. When a bad
man dies, he goes straight to hell, by
common consent of all the cOmmuni-
ty.
| could run you out of town with
coffin and not load it, either.
The biggest fool in Missouri is the
man who gets out in the middle of the
road and tries to persuade people
there is no hell.
When | die l want to be ready for
the most solemn moment in my
life. l don't want to weep and whine
around then, but l want to go as
happy as school hoy going home.
A man might afford to be sinner
out on some lonely island, but he has
no business to be one, surrounded by
his family and friends.
1 reckon if the people don't like the
way talk I'll have to quit shut up.
The mothers and wives Of this
country ought to stand up for me, for
I have been trying for ten years to
save their sons ard husbands.
/ love to see woman's nose fly up,
but want to see it fly up at the right
time.
can always tell whether woman
has any sense or not by the way she
talks.
The woman who stirs toddies for her
husband may not be mean woman
she amt got any sense.
If l knew that my wife had given a
ball at her house Last night, or a wine
party or a progressive euchre party,
I'd know she had lost her mind-gone
crazy.
l would rather he {. rascal than a
fool. You can reform a rascal, hut
you can't do anything with q fool.
If you want to get this country
right, YOU have got to stiai.hten
home out first.
I'm no Brother Hayseed, thank
you. I'm a boy that's travelled. II
know what l am talking about.
Some little pig-headed editors take
a drink of liquor, sit down one ear,
fan themselves with the other, and
write mean things about Sam Jones.
If was called on to preach to a
congregation 4 angels could get up
most asthe6cal sermon, but that
isn't necessary here tonight.
There are lots of rascals under this
tent o-night.
This country has stabbed conscience
to death, from the White House down.
This government is in co-partner-
ship with the distilleries and whiskey
dealers.
I'd as soon 60 to a rhinoceres as to
the democratic party to get redress on
the liquor question.
would rather walk to church
through mud knee-deep than to walk
there on streets paved with money
from the liquor traffic.
II the people want whisky let them
hang a dipper on every limb and let
liquor flow ankle-deep.
l have the same objection to a
saloon-keeper that l do to a louise.
Both make their living off the heads
of families
Let the old rich fellows drink.
They are going to hell anyhow. But
no poor man, who has wife and
children depending on him, has any ,
right to drink.
1 want to see poor white folks and
niggers get to Heaven. They don't
get much down here. |,
God pity the fool who has to ell up
On beer to have good time. have /,
tried ii and know how it is. |,
My advice to the man who drinks