The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-09-26

az Cne spring mouse.
my wife's grandfather is a Baptist
and an Abolitionist, while Peradven-
ture is a Mohammedan and kicks be-
cause we have to pay the revolutionary
pensioners, though he hasn't paid a
cent Of tax in fifteen years. They have
had a good many discussions over
politics and religion, but never had any
real serious fights. Mortimer could
always prove all his statements by the
Bible and so could Peradventure.
Sometimes they would go a little
too far. and Mortimer would pout all
the evening, and Peradventure would
1ounce off to bed and slam his boots
one at 8 time or the floor when he un-
dressed and tried to scarce us. But in
the morning both would wake up all
pleasant, and Mortimer would tackle q
little black pipe he has, while Perad,
venture would go into the buttery and
take a large comprehensive swallow
out of a bottle that has a lonesome old
cherry at the bottom Of it. At first he
took this only in the spring, but now
he has gradually added more and more
spring months till the robins seem to
be nesting all the timeswith him.
Il take them to the circus with me
every year and sometimes twice, and
they remember and talk about it for
years afterWard. Mortimer is a great
admirer Of the elephant, and I have all
1 can do to drag him away from the
large beast with the country seat to his
pants.
But PeradventHre loves rare ami
mails, such as the jackass bird of Aus
tralia and the sacred new milk cow of
Farther India. He claims that he has
seen most everything now that Noah
had and some that he couldn't get, like
the Polled Angus or moody COW and
other things that Noah advertised for
far and wide, but couldn't obtain in
those days.
One day they got into sort of quar-
rel over the female acrobat that hangs
from the top Of the tent by a bunion
and holds, suspended in air, by her
teeth and a wide suspender an uncle
and two other relatives on her fathers
side. Mortimer claimed to have selected
her first, but Peradventure said, You
better take some one of your own
age. Take the child wonder in the
sideshow; she's about as lettering as
you be-
"And so they quarreled that way,
till finally 1 thought I would have to
take them out, but pretty soon the
lion cage was wheeled into the ring,
and the curly headed lion tanner, with
Hair Bloom on his t~resses, performed
all sorts of feats with the king of beasts,
winding up by gagging the king of the
forest with his dank dome of thought
Then people applauded the man, for
getting that the poor lion would have
to go and eat a cat or an Angora goat
to take the taste out of his mouth.
eve have great fun, Of course,
though in a quiet way, my wife and 1
comparing notes regarding Mortimer
and Peradventure, for they do lots of
amusing things. Some times it is not
so pleasant when they eat too much
preserves or drink milk when they
have been eating green corn and water
melons.
But nothing is more beautiful than
in the winter evenings by the big open
fire to watch Mortimer and Peradven-
ture playing checkers and whistling
'Floyd's Retreat while they knock a
couple Of checker men together and
crow like a pair of infants
Il didn't finish telling you, though,
how Peradventure hoped on Mortimer
and accused him of taking the hore-
hound candy that he had put up on
the joist of the woodhouse. Well,
Mort denied it, though he didn't, Of
course, know that l had done it my
self for Peradventure's good, and he
said my grandfather ought to know
what he was talking about before he
tackled folks.
cat that my grandfather said that
he had been graveled and CALLED about
long enough by an old fungus like my
wife's grandfather, and he might about
as we'll settle him and put him out of
his misery now as at any time. So he
started at him with a wild light in his
eyes, but Mortimer had in his mind
what I'd told him about being prompt
or his life would pay the penalty, so he
grabbed the ak that was sticking in
the chopping block and made a rush
for Peradventure that scared him al