The record-union., 1893-09-16
LET'S ThE BOY DO IT NOW.
Sprinkling the Lawn Has No Charms
foi. afrle Man In Nehi.aSkn

Sprlnkling the Lawn las NO Charms
for one Man In Nebraska.
'sHave you ever noticed the keen de-
sire OF an otherwise sensible man to play
with garden hose?" asked we'll known
Omaha man of a Bee reporter. well. |
guess | have no great kick coming" he
continued, ''for l am as big a chump as
anyone else. One evening last week my
wife told my son to go out and sprinkle
the lawn. The boy grabbed the hose and
was doing the job In good shape. l
thought he was having too much fun and
1t seemed to be a most pleasant job, too,
for the evening was very suitry. My
party that evening. | had on my even
Ing dress suit and was waiting for my
better half to make her appearance. In
order to show my paternal authority
went out to boss the job and began to
give orderslike the chief Of a volunteer
country fire department. In order to
more fully impress my offspring with
my superior knowledge, | grabbed hold
OF the hose and undertook 10 show him
how it was done. The young man looked
at lie with disgust and took refuge upon
the porch. | opened the seance by play
fully turning the stream on the dog,
which was lying i'll the shade to keep
cool. l then began to play water over
the lawn i'll a scientific manner, and soon
became SO absorbed in the work that L
did not notice that | was getting water
all over my shoes and the lower part
of my pantaloons. My son said nothing,
but he must have kept up lively think
ing.
'.As the feeling grew on me / became
possessed with desire to wet everything
in sight, and in twisting the hose while
walking around | loosened a coupling
over which l was standing and was do
luged with spray. This brought me back
to my senses, and realizing that l had
rendered my dress suit unfit to wear that
evening l made an exclamation which
would not look we'll in print. My wife
and lady friend who was going with us,
were standing behind me, having just
emerged from the house. They heard my
profanity, and my wife, who is devout
church member, said: why, James, [
am astonished at your using such awful
language She startled me, and in my
confusion l dropped the confounded
soon as it struck the ground it be-
gan to twist and squirm around like
snake. The water flew in all directions,
but most of it seemed to strike me or the
ladies. My son and the dog howled their
delight in a shrill duet. and the neighbors
joined in the chorus. was soaking wet;
so was my wife and ber friend. We
Unal1y nlauo our escape lnIO the mousse,
but you ought to have seen us. We
looked like we had passed through a
flood.
My wife was so mad that she couldn't
speak for several minutes; and she only
gave me contemptuous look, and with
her friend retired to change her dress.
went out and kicked the dog. My son
and / held short but very satisfactory
interview. We didn't go to party. L
came down town and the clock in the
steeple was striking before / started for
home, SO you can guess the rest. / man.
aged TO square myself with my wife by
getting her a new dress and solemnly
swearing to take her to the Worlds Fair.
when the lawn needs sprinkling now
my son does it and L give him twenty
five cents for doing the job"