Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1893-04-01
TEACHING A DUDE MANNERS.
He Didn't Whip the Dude, but Earned n
Son-in-Law.

He Didn't Whip the Dude, but Earned n
son-in-Law.
A number of men were sitting In
the bar-room of one of our hotels re-
Gently gazing out of the window at
the never ceasing stream of humanity
that moved by, each going his own
peculiar way after his own peculiar
manner,
f~Amohg the many passengers was a
young man who seemed to be all shirt
collar and plaid wrappings-in fact,
a man who would be denominated a
'dude" in almost any community.
He tripped along with an air of un-
concern, as though not over anxious
TO come in contact with any of those
who were his fellow travellers for the
moment.
There now" said commercial
traveller. ''I'd just like to go out
and take that thing by the Dape of
the neck and twist it in two"
"Well, should say So" responded
the Southern Ohio coal agent.
''Down our way the farmers use
scarecrows that look more like men.
1t wouldn't be any harm to kill him
not bit"
Scents" SAID blunt old Col. Scuf-
tlngton of Missouri, II wouldn't do
it-indeed l wouldn't, sah."
"Oh, we were just saying what
ought to be done"
Eyes, l understand, but you know
a man in America has the right to
dress as he pleases as long as he don't
jump another fellows claim. Now
| liant g lesson in that pint some
years ago in St joy -. =
so? Let's hear it, Colonel
"Fuhst, l want to know if eithah
OF we evan slapped dude?"
4EN0.n
! "Tbeh, boys, don't DO It. / speak
By cad, sab. Out at St 10, one
night, crowd of US wuh having a
little time of ouah own, when who
should pass through the ballroom but
dude-a simon puah stamp-collah,
stripes, eyeglass and all. Now was
the chance fuh fun. / asked him to
take a drink, and received toh ansah
that he didn't drink. Ye know
what that meant. Declining my
hospitality, sab, SO to speak. Fire
ton Of Bates County, suggested that
we make the blank dude drink, as
twouldn't take more than gill to
fill him up. Well, Icalled him. EFF We
don't drink with gentlemen, sab, I'll
make we do il.
"'Don't do that, my friend, / had
mother whom l promised that |
would never drink. While her mem
DRY lives I'll not do it,
"I'll see bout that said l, but
the noah / blustah'd the less the cuss
seemed sca'd.
I've won't drink?'
"No. sir, said he politely
"'Not with gentlemen
!" Gentlemen should not he so
hard up for company" said he, and
more, If you would 60 home to your
family and sober up you'd feel better
tomorrow
well, grabbed him, I'm certain
that fah-but beyond that I'm a lit
tie shaky. That collah, gents, I'm
counted a truthful man at home)
suddenly shot up fifteen feet high,
the south side of the house hit me on
the jaw, while the raftahs chugged
me over the eye. Ovah the room was
a seethin', rushin' mass of canes,
handkerchiefs, check goods, double
breasted coats and othah dudish
trabS
"Finally the hossrack from in 'front.'
of the tavern came in and hit me
across the back, and when came to
| was IN my own bedroom at home,
with that cussed dude talkin' to my
daughtah. How did it happen?
Well, when | had got a thrashin'
that would have cost any othah man
his life, the cuss called a hack, took
me home, and assisted my wife to
patch me up The fellows my SON.
ln-law now He's commercial trav-
elah, and one O. the best business
men in Kansas City. No, no, boys.
If you must have fun, go out and try
to butt cable cab. from the track,
but don't try to get it by punchin' a
dude. In thiscountry clo'es alb mighty
deceptive. Pm man who Knows