davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24
MISSIONARY.

1t is an odd fact that the duties of most
missionaries are to 60 to the bad.-Quips.
It Is o. "cold day. for q man when his
friends "roast" him.-Yonkers Statesman.
The highway of virtue Is 30 little fire.
quented that collisions are rare.-Texas
Siftings.
A live canvasser may make the success
of publication . dead oertaintys"-Bos.
ton Courier.
Bagley-What has become of the India
rubber man that was at the nuseuml
Smedwick-0h, he was bounced. d.-Bing.
hamton Leader.
'fWhy do you call your mule Time,
Uncle Jsspera" "'Kase you got to get I'm
by the forelock to stand any show."-In-
dianapolis journal.
Postal clerk-Madam, this letter Is over
weight. Cora Spondence-Why, how is
that Postal clerk-You have put two
Columbian stamps on it.-Puck.
Fair Price Vs. Fair Prices.-Mr. Hayes
Seed-What's the price of small steak
Chicago waiter-Twenty cents spot; $2.5C
June delivery.-Indisnapol Journal.
Dick-How did 1t happen that Miss
Blanche refused youi 1t was understood
that you were her favorite. Jack-The
regular wsy-the favorite didn't win.-Tit.
Bits.
Alec Trisity-Do you believe in electro.
cutioni Foggsrty-No, sir; I do not. The
old fashioned way of hanging that suited
my forefathers is good enough for me-
Puck.
It is little discouraging to a man to
carry q yowling, squalling baby around for
half night, then sit down and reflect that
'tof such is the kingdom of heaven. -
Cleveland Plaindealer.
$50 should make yoI very happy by
accepting you, COUNT" "Hsppyi Ab,
msdemoiselle, should die wiz Lle hsppi-
ness" "Really, COUNT You almost tempt
me to say yea Life.
Teddy-Mamma, don't you think bet
ter have chickenpox right awsyl Mamma
Mo, dear; whyi Teddy-Well, just
think how awful expensive spring chicken
pox would be.-Chiosgo Inter- Ocean.
Customer-This overcoat you sold me
last fail Ia worn SO thin l can almost see
through it. Dealer-Yaw. Dot eos our
patent sanitary overgeat. Ven you leaf 1t
off in der spring, you Won't catch cold
New York Weekly.
ssWhat is the difference between humor
and nonsensef" said the inquisitive man.
"Humor," replied the candid man, sis
represented Uy tne Iokc you lusAe yout
self; nonsense is represented by the joke
some other fellow makes.
Star.
Chasehem-What's the matter between
you and Miss Wilkinsi Vanderloin-Oh,
I made the remark to another man that
che was q regular I'm de steele girl, and Ii
seems that the idiot went about telling
people I'd said the girl was ninety-nine
years old.-Truth-
Mrs McBride-Before we were married
you often wished there was aome brave
deed you could do for me TO show your
love- Mr.. McBride-Yes, dear, and ]
would do It now. Mrs. McBride-Then.
love, go down into the Kitchen and dis
charge Bridget.-Harpsr's Bazaar.
Jack-Say, Bill, we've been In hard luck
lately, amt wet
Bill-We have, old man.
Jack-Tll tell you what we'll do. You
insure your life in my favor for $4,000,
and I'll do the same for you.
Bill-Well, what good'n that do usi
Jack-Why, we'll just load up our guns
and step off thirty PAGES somewhere and
see who gets the money.-Life.
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24

mistress has what abe should have. The
latter then could follow In peace, govned
AMPLY and prettily, az best becomes her.
Believe me, the women would look at the
burden the maid carried, but the men
would look at the mistress who followed.
"Dust ruffles' are now sold by the yard,
made of good silk and pinked out at the
edge. They are about two inches deep
and sewed on band of crinoline. They
are cheaper than buying and making the
ruf1es, the silk Il better quality of Light
silk than the ordinary buyer knows how
inside of skirt at the bottom is not an
extravagant, but q pretty, tidy and eco
nomical fashion. The edges Of our skirts
used too often to be ugly and sofled.
FLoRRTTE.
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24
FASHION NOTES.
skirt Accessories.

The dressing gown of my illustration
hss . very full back aud 1t is gathered into
three clusters of folds, through which is
shown a belt of pleated white silk. These
folds are Joined to q yoke at the top, and
the skirt falls full and unconstrained.
The gown has very wide fronts, which are
gathered in at the neck. Wide revers
trimmed with lace are added and hooks
are used for fastening down the front.
The square yoke is edged with q bias band
OF the white silk. The material is white
flannel and it makes up very drassily.
All sorts of foolish and motiveless
drapery and festoons are in order now on
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24
No. ~

sntres people, who were headed by sone
members OF the government who wore
the privy councillors uniform. There
was great crowd of entree company, a.
an exceptionally large number of special
psrmissions had been granted by the
queen; but hsr majesty stayed On for q
few minutes after the general prsserta-
ton had commenced and thsn retired,
when her place was taken by Princess
Christian, nsxt to whom was the Prince
of Wales, and then the Dukes of York
and Edinburgh.
The crushing and crowding at the va
rtous barriers were worse than ever, and
there were some violent alterations and
furious appeals to the bewildered Off
cisls- Several ladies had their trains
dashed from thar arms, with the result
that they came In with the train extend
Ing In front for some yards, and two or
three narrowly escaped awkward falls.
others had their bouquets utterly de-
stroyed, and many entered the throne
room with dishevelled heads, torn wells,
broken feathers and crushsd slesves
Some ladies, indeed, presented as la
mentaole an appearance as If they had
been engaged in q free fght. Two had
most palpsble bruises on their Arms, and
another complained, with pardonsble &C.
a.AaoAst hnah hne LEU rocelNed severe
blow On her neck from the cooked hat
of ''some savage who hsd attempted to
push past her. The saloons In which the
company wait were dreadfully cola, for
the fires (which hsd apparently been
lighted just at the last momeni) were
neither numerous nor large, and IL is diff
cult to understand why, In snch inclenent
weather, there should be such rigorous
economy at the palace in regard to wood
and coal.
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
EppS's Cocoa.

BRKAKFAET-SUPPKR.
"By thorough knowledge OF the natural lava
which govern the operAtioos OF digestion and nu-
triton. and ny q careful application Of the dne
properties OF well selected Cocoa Mr. Eppe has
provided cur breakfast tables with oel1cately
favored beverage which may save rs many
Euch articles Of diet that q constitution may be
gradually built up untn strong enough to resist
every tendency 20 disease Hundreds Of subtle
mhlndies are noating ar6cnd us ready 10 attack
wherever there Il a weak point We may escape
many fatal shaft By keeping ourselves vel for
uned with lure blood and a properly nour1sneo
frsDeL~-Civfl Service Gazetfe.
Made simply with boiling water or milk. eo1o
only IN half pound tina by ErocerA lkoeAeo enus'
As tukwfy Landon. Enxiknd-
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24
THE QUEENS DRAWING ROOM
Something like aFootbam scrIm-
mage-A Trying and Fearful Or



deal.
From the London TRUTH
The frat drawing room was O very
large one, but there was excsedingly lit.
rls beauty among the company. The
dresses and jewels were magnificent.
The queen was tolerably purcsusl in en-
tering the throne room, and Lady spen.
Ger at once commenced the function by
presenting the females" of the diploms-
tic corps, after which Sir Christopher
Teesdals brought up the ''malss." oae
Of the foreign ministers wore a blue IN
form entirely covered with gold embroi-
oery, with numerous orders and a huge
gold key fastened on to the back Of his
coat. The queen then sat down on her
state chair and proceeded to receive the
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24

Some ofiice-ssekers who have called ss
the White House have lost their hats
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24
EDIrORIAL NOTES.

There are ninety-two Christian church 20
In Toxic. We believe that there is ai
| least one in New Haven.
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24

Why throw away your money for every
new cough syrup. when you can buy thar
standard remedy DR.. Bulls Cough Syrupl
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24
The Pemp and Circumstance of Roy



From the London Timesl
The correspondent of an Indian journal
describes the manner In which Lslluova,
the Lushai chief who has recently been an
alley of ours, moved his residence from
one village to another recently. The pro-
cession moved out in Indian file, led
by the chiefs heir, q boy of twelve years Of
age, wearing quaint, gray tall hat, the
symbol of his fathers rank, and loin
cloth. In one hand he carried bottle of
the liquor of the country, and with the
other led the yellow dog. Next came "a
maid of honor. bearing huge basket of
household goods and chattels, and smoking
the everlasting pipe of peacs the while" "
She was followed by the prime minister,
leading the chiefs pig, to whom succeeded
the chiefs wife, clad In q divided skirt of
kuki blue cloth, and wearing the royal am
Der necklace. The chief himself came next.
he wore a red helmet, two flannel shirts,
an evening dress coat and wsistcost-the
latter being arranged outside the coat-and
q garment of Lushsi cloth. The trousers
belonging to the dress suit were gracefully
thrown over the left shoulder. 4 pair Of
gray socks. unlscsd ammunition boots, and
q 3sgon of liquor completed the chiefs
travelling costume Last of all came gen
tlemsn In waiting" who carried the royal
bedding In a bundle.
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24
CLOAK DEPARTMENT.

We are showing all the latest
styles Capes, Jackets, Goats and
Refers, selected from the best
manufacturers in the country.
Our small expenses in this de.
partment enable us to sell gar
ments under the usual prices.
We feel confident that we can
save our customers from ST. to
S. on garments that retail from
$3.50 to $25.
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24

wMr. w. E. Monson, for
the past two years with Lord &
Taylor of New York, has taken
charge of our Cloak Room, and
is making preparations for a large
business.
Morning journal and courier., 1893-03-24

rection and then In another. The priests
sat upon raised platform. They were
sss, some having peacock feathers In their
hair. These priests made q most unesrth-
ly din, chanting bits of Taoist invocations.
and making discordant sounds on Chinese
oymbals and with shrill voiced bells.
Gathered around were as many Celestials
Of both sexes as the room would hold,
while the adjacent apartments were un-
comfortably thronged. Incense of sandal
wood loaded the air, and CHASTITY light
was thrown upon the scene by candles
burning In colored lanterns. It would be
hard 70 conceive anything more weird.
The uncanny ceremonies continued un-
til o'clock this morning.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1893-09-15
WHAT WOMEN ARE DOING.
Now They Venture Into Fields Hithert'
Uninyaded Save by Man.

Now They Venture Into Fields Hitherto
Uninyaded Save by Man.
Queen Victoria is never seen to lose
her temper with her interiors, but her
servants know that household arrange
ments must go as by clockwork, or the
royal lady speedily knows the reason
why. As rule she calls them by their
christian names and encourages them
to speak freely to her and not to stand
in too much awe of her. She always
inquiries their names when they first
come to the palace, and, despite the
immense size of her household, she
never forgets any of these names. She
is kind mistress and much beloved by
the domestic staff.
There are three famous American
women of letters at present in London.
Mrs. Louise Chandler Moulton, Mrs
Kate Douglas Wiggin and Mrs. Pratt
the English metropolis, but this is Mrs.
Virgins first visit.
The only sister of Rudyard Kipling is
one of the foremost of Shakespearean
scholars She is said to know the great
poet better than anyone in England,
always excepting, of course, Halliwell-
Phillips. Miss Kip!ings power of
memorizing is truly phenomenal. Any
where one starts a passage she can
readily match the line, following
straight along chapter and verse,
whether it be play or sonnet. Her
ShaLespeariana is exceedingly fine and
though not an author like her famous
brother, is yet a student and woman of
the finest literary perception.
Mrs. Van Rensselaer, Cruger is sell
dom seen away from her famous coun-
try seat. Idlesse Farm, on Long Island.
There she lives in semi-royal state, en-
pertaining brilliant house parties occa-
sionally, but most frequently dividing
her time between her writing table
and beloved field and gardens. 1t is
said that Mrs. Cruger does not mean to
publish again for a year or more, but
she is at present engaged on the mas
terpiece of her successful literary Ca
reer.
With the exception of Levi p. Morton,
Francis Shaw and n. X. Fairbank. the
finest herd of Guernsey cattle in this
country is owned by Mrs. S. 2. Tabor
Willets, of Roslyn, L. /. Mrs Willets
farms extensively and with remarkable
financial results Her truck is an inn
portant item every morning in the
Washington market receipts, and some
of the best Hamiltonian blood is found
in her sta bles, where numerous and cost
ly trotters are bred every season.
Chicago Post.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1893-09-15
POPULIST PERSONALS.

Gov. Waite is from Kansas and Gen
Artz is from Colorado. Shall we trade
over again?-Topeka Journal MOL
Accident Waite was at one time a res
ident of Pawnee county. Then he
knew enough to keep his mouth shut;
now he don't We believe in progress
sion. If trade has to be made give
us burro for Artz--Larned Chrome
scope.
Cyrus Corning. of the New Era, &C
cuses Cline, of the Index, of being In
the hire of the republicans; and Cline
accuses Corning of being in the hire OF
the republicans Isn't it curious that
the first thing that cranks think OF
when they get to quarreling IS to
accuse each other of working for
money! They must know each other
pretty well.-Minneapolis Messenger.
Attorney-General Little, of Kansas,
has not succeeded in convincing the
public that he didn't mean what he
said about prohibition in his letter to
Rev. A. j. Richards, but he has discov-
cred that he was much too previous In
suggesting the notification of statute
which his official oath requires him to
enforce, and he is making very weak
attempt to repair the mischief which
has resulted from his lack of judgments
and sense.-Kansas City Star.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1893-09-15

believes either in God or in our form OF
government, his name should be given
to an anxious public. l do not know
him. All, SO far as / know, were either
socialists or anarchists, with the pos
sible exception of Judge Webb with
whose views l am not familiar. Per-
haps, also, an exception should be
made as to the statement concerning
their belief in deity, in the case OF the
preacher referred to, Mr.. Todd, though
of this l am not sure My doubts are
based on the uneasiness he frequently
evinced lest the Almighty might make
some serious mistake, which fear evil
IDENTIFY caused him to pray one moru-
ing, not that ''our" wills might be in
harmony with the will of the Father,
but that the Fathers will might be in
harmony with ''oursP'
Is it any wonder that, thus advised,
the governor committed the egreglous
blunders he did?
Let us turn, just moment. from the
advisers to the advice. The mathemat-
ical difficulty of making fifty-eight ex-
coed sixty-four or sixty-seven was
easily overcome by the theory that
members against whom contests were
pending should not be permitted to
participate in the organization-enough
contests having previously and pur-
posely been fled to solve the perplex-
ing problem in this way. Under this
brilliant theory, 4 minority could trans
form itself into majority by simply
filing sufficient number of contests
to effect that result The inevitable
logic of this theory would render it
necessary for each side to protect itself
by fling contests against all the other
fellows, thus making it impossible to
organize house at ALL
Again, the governor was advised that
his recognition of the senate would
constitute the Dunsmore club de facto
house, in face of the universal law that
this could never be true so long as the
de lure house maintained its existence.
Under this absurd theory, it would
never be necessary to elect but two OF
these three coordinate branches of the
government. Or, if the three were
elected, the governor and either one of
them could, by the mere exercise
of their omnipotent recognition,
wipe out the third and install in its
stead a mob or lot of hoodlums, and
even the highest court in the land, &C
cording to the supplemental theory of
these wiseacres, would have no juris-
dictional power to prevent the outrage!
But all this foolishness was esteemed
as wise and good advice by my gov
ernor" Hence the recognition, the
six weeks of lawlessness in high
places, the marshaling of troops, the
parading of Calling guns, and finally
the narrow escape from civil war.
But man, proud man,
Dressed in a little brief authority,
Most ignorant OF what he's most assured,
His CLASSY essence, like an angry ape,
Plays such fantastic tricks before high Heaven
AS make the angels weep"
.. E. w. HOCH.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1893-09-15
TALKING WITH MONKEYS.
A Conversation Carried on Between Ma
and His Friends in the Geological Garden

Conversation Carried on Between a Man
and His Friends in the Geological Garden.
In 1857 Jules Richard had occasion tc
visit sick friend in hospital, where
he male the acquaintance OF an old
official of the institution from the south
of France, who was exceedingly
fond of animals, his love of them
being equaled only by his hatred
of priests; he claimed also to be per-
fectly familiar with the languages Oh
cats and dogs, and to speak the lam
guage of apes even better than the
apes themselves. Jules Richard re-
ceived the statement with an incredu-
lous smile, whereupon the old man,
whose pride was evidently touched by
such skepticism, invited him to come
! the next morning to the geological gar
den. Il met him at the appointed time
and place." says Mr.. Richard, land we
went together to the monkeys cage,
where he leaned on the outer railing
and began to utter succession
of cultural sounds, which alpha
betical signs are scarcely adequate
to kirruu, kirrikiu, kuruki,
kirikiu'-repeated with slight varia-
tions and differences of denominations.
In few minutes the whole company
of monkeys, a dozen in number, assem-.
bled and sat in rows before him with
their hands crossed in their laps or
resting on their knees, laughing, ges.
ticulating, and answering" The con-
versation continued for full quarter
of an hour, to the intense delight of
the monkeys, who took lively part in
it. AS their interlocutor was about to
go away they all became intensely ex-
cited, climbing up on the 'balustrade
and uttering cries of lamentations;
when he finally departed and disap-
peared more and more from their view,
| they ran up the top of the cage and
! clinging to the frieze made motions as
if they were bidding them goodbye. 1:
seems, adds Mr.. Richard, as though
they wished to say, "We are sorry to
part and hope to meet again, if you
come, do drop us a line"'-Prof E. p.
Evans, in Popular Science Monthly.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1893-09-15
A WOMAN OF NERVE.
Desperate Battle Between a Woodman
Wife and q Hungry Bear.

Desperate Battle Between a Woodman's
Wife and a Hungry Bear.
A desperate battle took place a few
days ago between a famished she bear
and the wife of Amos Corey, woods
man on the Upper Beaverkill, near
Turnwood, n. Y, says the New York
Times. For several days bear tracks
had been seen in the neighborhood,
and once agood-sized bear had been seen
crossing the road near Corey's cabin.
The other morning Corey started with
rife and dogs to hunt down the animal.
and had been gone about an hour
when his wife heard a great commo-
ton in the dooryard. Just then little
dog ran into the house yelping with
terror and covered with blood. Mrs.
Corey, thinking of the bear, seized a
keen bladed AK from the rack and shut
ting her baby and little boy in a bed
room ran into the yard. There she
saw huge she bear rolling and
tumbling among the sawdust and chips
of the woodpile, while over it lowered
swarm of honey bees. The bear
had upset half dozen hives of bees,
and the little creatures were having
their revenge. Mrs. Corey watched the
battle for awhile and then she made a
stroke at bruin with the ak, inflicting
severe wound in the animals side.
With howl the bear rushed upon her,
unmindful of the bees Rising upon its
hind legs it advanced upon the woman
and tried to hug her. Mrs. Corey piled
the AK with energy, and after several
blows struck the animal in the head,
killing it instantly. She received dur
ing the battle blow from one of the
bears paws which badly lacerated one
of her arms. After the bear had been
killed the bees swarmed about Mrs.
Corey, singing her severely. They
finally rested on the bushes near by,
where she succeeded in hiving them.
Afterward she was surprised to frd
that two little cubs had come out of
the brush and We're smelling about
their dead mother. She captured them
and after feeding them with warm
milk they became quite tame. She will
keep the cubs and raise them.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1893-09-15
DEMOCRATIC STUPIDITY.

Solid Facts About What Became of the
silver Dollar of Our Fathers.
1t was Hamilton's plan in framing
our first coinage law in 1872 to treat
silver and gold alike, to make them
circulate together, the silver to be used
for small transactions and the gold for
larger trade. He says: "a preference
ought to be given to neither of the
metals, gold or silver" 1t was his
opinion that the money unit had been
gold rather than silver and that the
latter had circulated as matter OF
convenience of trade. He desired q
more permanent basis of the circula-
ton of the two metals each performing
a given service. He urged that both
silver and gold were valuable for for
eign trade and should both be used.
He said: ''If gold be most convenient
in large payments, silver is best adapted
to the more minute and ordinary circu-
lation. To annul the use of either of
the metals as money is to abridge the
quantity of the circulating medium
and is liable to all of the objections
which arise from the comparison OF the
benefits of full with the evils of
scanty circulation" Hamilton was not
a democrat, but was a practical BIZ
metallist. After the United States mint
began coming gold and silver the coins
would not stay in circulation but were
displaced by worn foreign coins and
bank bills. Because the silver coins
would not remain in this country
Thomas jefferson, in March 1904. or
dered the mint to cease coming
silver dollars and no more were
coined until 1896. So the IDOL
lar of the fathers was suppressed by
the father of the democratic party by
an act ten times more arbitrary than
the infamous 81 law of 1873. Senator
Vest, in his recent speech on the silver
question, said: 1T is a favorite express
sion now to talk of the silver lunacy.'
Mr. President, am willing to follow
the great lunatic, Thomas jefferson, on
this question" 1t seems to be conn
mon error of the average democrat to
misinterpret Thomas Jefferson, the
man whs besides destroying the dollar
of the fathers was an advocate of the
protection of American industries
Then. again, in 1884, under democratic
administration, a law was enacted
known as the gold bill" This was
made to favor gold so that it would
stay in the market In this they sue
ceeded and silver retired, and the re-
suit was practical gold recommendation
until 1873. The dollar of our fathers,
the dollar of Hamilton, who was not a
democrat, was demonetized and finally
all silver driven out of the country by
the party of the people" (?). Demo
Gratis should read up on the history of
their party before making speeches in
congress-.