Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1893-12-21
MUSTARD PLASTER MISPLACED.
Instead Of a Suffering Husband n Drunken
Drummer Got II.

downtown taverns An old gentleman
and his wife arrived from a western
city and took up quarters on the third
| floor The husband was an invalid,
| having suffered from stomach troubles
for many years. He came TO this city
to press his claims for the Office of
postmaster in his city, and brought his
wife along for the purpose Of taking
care Of him. The first night the couple
were in the hotel the old gentleman
was seized suddenly about midnight
with violent cramps.
It was an old affliction with him, and
knowing that her husband was likely
to be SD afflicted at any time, the wife
had come prepared for any emergency,
having a quantity Of mustard and
cloths in her satchel. Very hot mus
lard plasters, it seemed, were the only
things that afforded the sufferer any
relief in such attacks
Accordingly. when her husband ut
tered his first groan the good wife
sprang out of bed, slipped on a wrap
per and dived into the depths of the
gripsack after the mustard. She pro
duced a small TIN box filed with the
Misunderstanding yellow powder and a
roll of soft strips of muslin, then
glided softly out of the room, remark
ing to her husband, who lay in the bed
bent up like jack-knife.
'Ill have your plaster ready in q
moment, dear.
Noiselessly she hurried along the cor
ridor until she reached the toilet-room,
where, by means of flow of hot wa
ter, she prepared plaster about the
size of a dinner-plate When every
thing was ready she clasped the plas-
ter tightly in her hands 10 prevent its
cooling before She reached her hus-
bands side and hurried back to the
room
The gas in the room had been turned
very low, but there Has light enough
for the faithful old wife TO see what
she was doing She approached the
side of the bed very gently and with
all the tenderness Of her nature APP
piled the plaster to the pain raclled alb
domen Of the man Then She crossed
to the other side of the bed and, lying
down, carefully awaited results.
DO You feel easier dear?" she in
quired sweetly, after few minutes.
No answer.
Don't you feel better, pet?" she asked
again, and she turned over to gently ca
ress her husband.
Ugh was the reply as the male
form turned and stretched Then there
was yell and scramble such as never
before nor since disturbed the peaceful
quiet Of that hotel The woman had
made the astounding discovery that
the man 10 whom She had applied the
mustard plaster was not her husband,
but instead was a total stranger She
had entered the wrong room.
Bounding out like a frightened an
telope she rushed into the adjoining
room wringing her andsand half-dead
with fear and excitement Her sick
husband, who had by this time grown
easier, was sitting upright in the bed.
and as his wife entered the room and
sank exhausted on the floor, he said
.What on earth is the matter. Mar
thai Has anybody hurt you? Speak.
quick, woman
10, 10. mercy, got into the
wrong ROOM. moaned the wife, vainly
endeavoring tocalm herself She ther
explained fully what had happened,
and when She had completed the story
Of her embarrassing mistake, the hus-
band inquired:
well. where is the mustard plas-
ter9"
'I-I-left it on the other mans stom-
aeh,' sobbed the poor woman, again
bursting into tears.
Before the astonished husband had
time to realize what his wife had said
there came a sound from the next room:
Clerk! landlord! bell-boy! help! Oh
my goodness"
The gentleman in the adjoining room
had discovered the mustard plaster
He was commercial traveller, and, as
ii afterward developed, had been
laboring under heavy jag" when he
retired that night He had left his gas
burning dimly and had forgotten to
bolt his door The drummer represent
ed a wholesale whisky house, and had
been sampling his samples very freely
lie aftcrward said that when he awolle
and felt that terrible burning he
thought he had en-
lie reached down IN he vicinity Of
the searching sensation and came in
contact with the cold, clammy plaster.
which curled into a roll as he moved
his hand over il. lie threw the plaster
across the room. and as DE turned over
and buried his face in the pillow he
moaned; oh if | had only stopped
drinking years ago. They told me whis-
Ky would eat ont my insidcs. and now
the worst has come, lam going todie!"
But he didn't tie is still drinking
and selling whisky. As for the old gen
tleman and his wife, they had their
meals served in their room the next
day and the following day left the
city. lie has not received his post office
appointment Washington Post.
Ancient German Marriage Notices.
A German law of the fifteenth CEN
fury prescribed that the letters OF a
| marriage notice must be at least half
an inch high and that the notice must
be posted on the outside Of the door
/ ap3 NOT nDvoraJ lv~ a,,. OtNa- -, -. =.