Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1893-10-07
THE ABSENT-MINDED MAN.

i
ablest men. in a quiet way. Of his day.
FOSTER COATES.
I
THE ABSENT-MINDED MAN.
The Many Troubles He Has and His
Effort to Overcome Them.
| while they are inventing new-fangled
diseases or new-fangled names for old dis
cases." remarked the absent-minded man
as he hailed passing car and then stood
contemplatively on the curb while 1t rolled
past. Il hope some clever fellow will tell
me what mine is. 1 am not afflicted with
| tuberculosis. None Of the fn-de-siecle pro-
| toplasms have lodged in me. I have given
| a refuge to no patent bacillus The con-
| volutions Of my brain, as far as 1 know,
are normal. There is nothing hereditary
about me except disposition to loaf Yet
/ Ii is Called
The absent-minded man sighed as he
| looked up the street and saw his car bowl
ing, ing along couple Of blocks away. Then
ne Grew costly cigar from his pocket,
| handed 1t to his friend, duplicated 1t and
put the second one between his Inns Bor-
rowing match he struck its phosphorus
head on the sole Of his shoe and waited
| patiently while 1t blazed into a lively flame.
ms eyes TOOK on a dreamy expression as
ne puned the smoke hard into his lungs
and let 1t out in long thin cones When
| he had secured a good light he took tbe
weed from his lips. replaced 1t with the
smouidering match and waved the fragrant
Havana back and forth in the air two or
| tnree times as II to extinguish it's light
he was just about to toss 1t into the gutter
| when MS friend interposed an objection
a a,a reminded him of the match that he
was pumng at vigorously.
les, tnat 8 II. sighed the absent-minded
man. that's just the very thing. i've been
gong ng that sort Of idiocy ever since 1 was
| the germ that I believe has deyeloned in
me- l think 1t Is a new germ, for / have
| never seen any one quite so bad as am
WE Mny, ne went on; looking sadly down into
the glow OF his cigar. which he had now
thoroughly identified. II shall have to keep
| close watch on that cigar IL 1 do not want
70 turn 1t deliberately end for end and put
so often. in fact that 1 carry a LITTLE rhiaI
| OF balm to heal the burns I am constantly
giving myself. have consulted physicians
ana specialists. and I have paid out big
have submitted to the most humiliating
experiments for vision and other senses.
But there don't seem to be any remedies,
| and have given up the struggle
| Il am convinced that this form Of absent
mindness is a distinct disease. With me II
takes the form Of making me do the very
b tnlng 90 not want to do: Have you ever
very common after all. You see. 1 set INV
mind on thing. l want to do it badly.
start TO do 1t. and In some way the thought
|
think tank gets mixed up, and before il
hits the right place it has been reversed.
80 do the very thing that I should not
90. l suppose ! might cure this tendency
py starting to do the wrong thing and SO
end up by doing what is right But per-
| built, anyhow"
The absent-minded man paused to stoop
| over and pick up a twig that had fallen
| from a tree by the curb, and plungIng his
manu- hand INTO mis- trousers pocket took out his
knife and opened its sharpest blade A few
| deft strokes soon shaved the slender bit
OF wood into graceful wisp. and as the
apSent-minded man started once again to
tax he dropped the knife into the gutter,
| ana bending up the twig tucked II into his
pocket His face was red. as he recovered
| saying:
1T embarrasses me a little at timcs I'M,
| I'm getting used to 1t by degrees I have a
| good deal of real trouble though in my work
| Tor many times 1 have to Clip out ,ieces
from newspapers and paste them on sheets
1t is ten to one that 1 will put the haste on
| the wrong side. And then it Is more tbon
an even chance that ] will drop into the
waste basket the very piece that 1 want.
| sheet"
| Another car came into view but the absent.
minded man did not hail it, He CHANGED 10
| look at his boots and seeing that they
needed backing, he hailed IL dusky polisher
| from across the street and nut his right foot
| on the block. The boy went to work Wig
orousiy. and the absent-minied man kept
| on talking:
u suppose that some day something
| dreadful will happen to me- 1t is horrible
to contemplate. but don't see how I can
avert 1t. My mind is always occupied with
welghtier matters than matches and knives
about thinking that my right hand Is to do
so-and-so while my left f., to go this-way.
and-that. l am slave to my brain. IT
| rules me completely"
| Taking
minded man started to walk up the street
all unconscious that his left shoe was y
dozen shades lighter than the other and
, MA ne was debtor to the youth who
to realization of the situation, and he sub.
| mitted to the latter half OF the process
| saying: f'ee'''
Il really ought to hire a man to 90
| around with me and pick up the things r
crop and remind me of the things that T
forget. He would find himself amply occu-
p,ea Win e1aecting my overcoats and hats
and umbrellas: but that is only a minor
part of my performance. What bothers me
] most Is the perverseness which compels
me into the wrong road"
| The right car again came along tho ho,,
was hastily paid, and the absent-minded man
and his friend hurried out to board the con-
| Veyance. 1t was one of these vehicles tina +
have no track, but which run at will over
the broad pavement. The passenger is his
| own conductor.
Let me pay the fare" said the absent
minded man, as they entered. His friend
acquiesced and the other took a bright new
] half dollar from his pocket, holding 1t in
| his hand while he sat and talked about the
necessity for rapid transit Presently the
drivers bell rang sharply, and the absent
minded man sprang up and dropped the
coin into the little box in front His
friend reminded him that the fare was
only 10 cents.
"Oh, 1 beg your pardon" exclaimed the
absent-minded man. Il really forgot"
| Then he smiled blandly, put his hand
deep down into his pocket once more and
fished up a dime, which he deposited in the
box he said
| Il think IL 1 went around with you much
more 1 should be cured. I am really much
better already
! Making Up to the Broom.
From the New York Sun.
I'm big uptown restaurant that does a
large trade at popular prices" said man.
| lone may see as he goes out a whisk broom
held in wire clasp that is secured about
| breast high to the inner side of the door
frame. The first time 1 saw that broom 1t
almost made me smile. 1t seemed curious
to see that small. quiet, minor convenience
of life there in that big busy place and just
inside door opening upon bustling Broad
| way. 1 saw one day a regular customer
who had just paid his check at the cashier :
desk, pull the broom from it's clasp as he
walked out and whisk a feck of dust
from the lapel of his coat and then nut tho
aDlr tpto