The free press., 1893-05-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMVh VE lnL UA1s
A curious woman-One who is not -
Life.
A hollow mockery-The woodland
ccho.-Truth.
A force pump-The cross examining
attorney. ey.-Truth.
A linn of the jaw-Painting the de-
fendant black.-Truth.
It is only in school that low grades
make uphill work.-Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
Nature covers herself with plaster
of mud to cure that tired feeling in the
spring.
Some men are too mean to be happy
and others too happy to be mean. -
Dansville IN. " Breeze.
''Who is to be chaperony "Ms.
Talklngton." "What foolishnessl Why,
she is sufferer from insomnia"
81 wonder why she gave him the init.
ten?" "Oh, that was natural outcome
of the yarns he gave her!"-Truth.
When man is ''beside himself" he
generally demonstrates that he doesn't
like the company. Boston Courier.
When woman is trying to write .
letter ON half sheet of paper, much
may be said on both sides. Texas Slft-
ings.
If woman can succeed in making
her husband proud of her she can get
almost anything she wants.-Dallas
News.
A carpet tack is about the only thing
that has the "big head" and still makes
success OF life. .-Dansville IN. W
Breeze.
Where's the profit when spring makes
US happy and gay if it make ali the
microbes feel just the same waya-
Washington Star.
The woman of linn tied means who Is
always we'll dressed either devotes her
entire income or her entire intellect to
her clothes.-Life.
Mabel-'I wouldn't marry the best
man in the world" Jacques-"Alas.
you have made me the unhappiest of
men. boston Courier.
Every maa thinks that modesty for
bids his telling you what he considers
the cleverest thing in tie way OF story
ever told.- Washington Star.
Many woman who resolves when
she is married to make over her husband,
ends by being content to make over her
bonnets.-DansvIlle IN. " Breeze.
And now with rod and line and hook,
The fisherman SO bold,
Will go and sit down by the brook
And catch fearful cold.
Kansas City Journal.
81 haven't any of the liquid quality
that musicians talk about" said the bass
drum, "out l can drown out the rest OF
the band, just the same. ."-Washington
Star.
Mrs. Byer-"Those are nice looking
eggs" Grocer (enthusiastically)-"Yes,
indeed; they're birds" And then he
wondered why she didn't buy any,
Troy Press.
ats curious" mused Bjorkins, chow
this law of compensation runs through
everything. Foi example, wherever
there is we'll off aunt you will always
find sychophant. Chicago Tribune.
$50 l should make vol very happy by
accepting you, counta" "Happyi All,
mademoiselle, should die wiz zie hap
piness." "Really, countG You almost
tempt me to say Yes brooklyn Life.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
This maxim let wise people hurl.
But take them together and they are no
match
For one pretty typewriter girl.
Chicago Inter-O cean.
At Dinner Party: Mistr ess-"But,
Mary, how often must tell you always
to serve Oh the left?" Mary (rom the
country)-"Oh, madam, but isn't that
merely superstition. "-Fligen de Blaet.
ter.
"Well, Councillor, I hope you en-.
joyed yourself at my house last evenings"
"Indecd l did, madame. As rule,
when drink tea can not sleep after it.
but your tea had not the least effect on
me. "-Fliegende Biaetter.
Hawker-"My wife and had it out
again this morning as to who should start
the fire." Jepson-" Which WONT"
Observation-Disclosures. Before we finished
the argument became so hot my wife got
up and cooked breakfast on it. Troy
Press.
Mrs. Greyneck-"So George is en-.
gageds" Mrs. Tangletongue Yes;
he'll be married in June" Mrs. Grey
neck-"I hope he has a young lady in
every way worthy of him." Mrs. Tangle-
tongue-"Oh, yes; think can safely
say tnat | am satisfied in every way with
his tiasco. Boston Courier.
Rice was introduced from the East