Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-08-04
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.

OF THE PRESS.
How 1t Is Done-Thc Reservation "A
Great Would Not BE Lii
bcled-The Irony of Fate, Etc, Etc.
HOW IT IS DONE.
''Is it possible to make two on: of
one9'
"Oh, yes; the divorce court does it
frequently"
THE RESERVATION.
"Do you tell your wife everythingt"
Everything about others, but rot
about myself."-TNew York Press.
A GREAT APPETITE.
II had three invitations to lunch TO-
day." said Oscar
(Which did you accept?" asked his
mother.
"All," returned Oscar, proudly
Judge.
WOULD NOT DE LIBELED.
The Doctor--You are very badly sun
down, Felix. DO you know thatl
Felix-By who. docther? Oi'll allow
no wan t talk behond me back widout
maxim thin prove livery wur-rud thot's
bin sed, Oi'll not.-[Judgc.
THE IRONY OF FATE.
S'nn.ck-Did you hear about poor
Kindley!
Quidney-No. What about him?
Sinnick-Why, only twelve months
ago he invested all his money in new
invention and built large factory, and
last night fire broke out and burned it
to the ground, walls and all.
Qnidney-Poor beggar! BY the way,
what line was he in!
Sinnick-Patcnt frcproof building
materials. i Yankee Blade.
PROUD FATHER.
Forrester-What's the matter with
Jones! He never speaks to body now.
Lancaster-Of course not. Their
new baby weighed fifteen pounds
Life.
THE WAY THEY TELL.
Mrs. Trimfoot- These shoes don't fit
me at all.
Mr.. Trimfoot-Why, they look all
right.
Mrs. Trimfoot We'll, they don't fit,
anyway. I've had them on over an hour,
and they haven't hurt in the least
Puck.
THE WRONG HINT.
Lady Ito gentleman who has the OBJ
noXious habit of putting his mouth close
to your face when talking)-You smoke
bad tobacco, monsieur!
Gent (astonishcd and smiling)--I !!
Why. never smoke
Lady--Then perhaps you had BETTER
Esprit des Autres.
DIDN'T KNOW 1T.
married."
Yes; but didn't know it."-[Life.
FUNERAL CoURrsHIP.
Mrs. Church-Do you think the young
rector's attentions are serious?
Annie Church Well, should say so !.
So serious, indeed, that feel like crying
the whole time Pm talking with him.
Puck.
FoRTIoRI.
Primus--Ben Buffers brain weighed
more than D,n'el Websters. l always
| knew he was great statesman.
| Secundus-Yes. BY the way, what q
pity the two-headed boy doesn't enter
politics. Judge.
| lie WAS A TENDERFoOT
"Arc you fond of music 2" he asked.
| Sometimes was the answer.
! 81 have some duets in my trunk. Car
any Of you sing at sight?"
'NO. but we can shoot at sight. y
| Washington Star.
A DAY OF ENJOYMENT.
Mr.. Gabber-Where is Mrs. Gabber?
enthusiastically told her an impor
liant secret this morning and she ha
been out all day going from house t.
house visiting her friends. = New York
Presa.
wATCHFUL TO THE END.
''y hear the editor died with hi
boots on!"
"Xes, he knew the town too well t.
pull 'em off. - Atlanta Constitution.
ITS HEIGHT.
She-How high is that big Ferri
wheel at the Worlds Fair, Henry?
He-I don't know exactly, but not any
thing like the prices in the swell restau
rants not far AWAY New York Sun.
ALL SPOILED.
Mrs. Tittle-Did you have a goot
time at the sewing circle this after
noon.
Mrs. Tattle-No, miserable time.
was awful dull.
Mrs. little = Wasn't anything SAT-
about how Mrs. Blazer has been carry
ing on!
| Mrs. Tattle No She was mea
enough to be there herself, and, o
course, the pleasure we had all locke
forward to was spoiled. Strange ho'
| ,,no,,le <an he 40 selfah Il Roston Ifan