Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-02-13
WIT AND lIUM0R.

Truth may be stranger than fiction,
but in literature it hasn't as high
market value Boston Courier.
"Did you say you had calling ac-
quaintance with her, Dick?" Yes,
she's in a telephone office. "-Har0drd
LampooN.
isn't Miss Bolivar aging rapidly?'
yes: but she had to catch up. you
know. She was twenty for thirteen
years. "-Harper's Bdzar.
The man who can play cards with
his wife as partner and never scowl
during the entire evening may as well
order his halo at once.-BoSton Tran
script.
Hostess-Will YOU have a piece of
pie. George? George Yes'm; but
please make it double size, because
ma told me not to ask for two pieces.
Good NeWS.
Dumsquizzle-You Timberwheel
has a suit of clothes for every day in
the week. Skimgullet-I never see
him wear but one. Dumsquizzle-Wen
that's the suit CUPS.
ut is great pity to let it go to
waste" said the telephone girl.
WHAT" Tine language that runs over
this wire. You could run an electric
light with it, Washington STIR.
Priscilla's Mother - Priscilla, you
seem to have dropped your painting,
your singing and your piano practice.
Priscilla-Yes, mamma; what's the use
of it all, now that I'm engaged
Truth.
Mrs. Lovey-Oh, dear! I'm quite
worn ont with housework Mr.. Lovey
But you have so many girls, my
love. Mrs. Lovely know it, but it's
so much trouble to keep them working.
-Pucb.
Anxious Mother-Is that neighbours
little boy nice boy? Little johnny
-Yes'm. When teacher asked him
who hit him with spit Oall ne said he
didn't know, and he saw me hisself. -
Good Net0S.
"M-er-so the price of whisky has
been advanced" said the seedy man
IN an Id-like-to be-a friend of-vours
tone. Its gotter be fore you git
anything here" was all the bartender
deigned to answer.-Lndidadp Jour-
nal
A Topeka negro politician, who has
just returned from visit to Georgia,
has told a Kansas reporter that he
would rather live in hell than in
Georgia" Municipal pride is strongly
developed in Topeka.-Kansas City
Star.
Burton has always said he could
never fall in love with girl who
wasn't strictly proper" We'll, his
fancee is that sort" "Really?" "Yes;
he has to disguise himself as mani
cure to hold her hand twice a week"
Pack
Mrs. Gotham-Now they say Chicago
is to have the most powerful telescope
ever made. What do YOU suppose
that is for? Mr.. Gotham-I presume
they want to find out if the top stories
of their houses are Inhabited. IN Y.
Weekly.
THE great problem that l have had
to deal with" said the keeper of the
imbecile asylum, lis to find some oc-
cupation for the people under nv
charge" Why not set them to in
venting college yells?" asked the yis-
tor.-Bu6aIo Express.
These are the shortest days in the
year, said Mrs. Jimpson TO her hus-
band. "W hat os it?" asked Jimpson
testify. I'm just as short as the DAYS
and blamed sight shorter since YOU
came back from the shopping cxpedi-
ton. -DHta1o ErprcSS.
Rural Child don't believe the
canal companies cares much for child
rem. M1ther-Why not? Rural Child
In the summer thsy pu; the water
in, go we'll get drowned. and in the
winter they let the water out, so we
can't skate. GOOD NelCS.
He-And SO You refuse me? She--I
do. Eo--Then, proud beauty, know
the truth. ! am the inventor of sue
cessful dish-washing machine. Only
one will ever be made, and The woman
that marries me will have it. All, ha!
Farewell!--N !. Weekly.
Instead of the old French question
who is the woman in the case?" ev-
cry great scandal nowadays provokes
the inquiry: when was he in Chica-
go?" OF course Chicago figures in
the Panama case. DR.. Herr was there
in 1S72.-N. Y. Commercial advertiser.
William Dean Howells Eliminates
his well-written advertisement (now
running in 5000 daily and weekly
newspapers) with his portrait. The
authors admirers will be delighted to
find that he bangs his hair, mustache,
and his fur collar.-MinneapohS Iri-
bune.
$50 you want to GO on the expedi-
ton, do you? It's dangerous trip.
Why, the climate is Inject to the most
sudden changes. 1t goes to the en-
tremes of heat and cold" Pooh, /
won't mind that. I've lived for three
years in a steamheated flat. "-Bufalo
Express.
She-You seem very depressed. /
didn't know you cared so much for
your uncle. He-I didn't. But was
the means of keeping him in an insane