Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1893-09-29
OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD. az FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd. Curious, n L.ush.ble Phases
OF Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
byEmincnt Word Artists of Our own Day
"A budget Of Fun.
sprlnkles Of snice

SAsauC. u.O county
WHEN money gets tight it gener-
ally goes to the lock-up.-Galveston
News.
A WARM : WEATHER VERSION
"Drink to me withthine ice. "-Boston
Transcript.
A MAN who bears NO 0ne malice
regards it as a sort of Weakness
Atchisoo Globe.
JAGsoN says the greatest sccnter-
piece fer the table is a slice OF linz
burger. -Elmira Gazette.
In all the reduction OF paw now go
ing on the wages OF sin remain the
same.-Pittsburs Chronicle.
In the matter of hair-dressin. why
shouldn't we take the queue iron,
the Chinese?-Lowcll Courier.
IT is certainly cruel for thu lynch
ing party to keep the victim in US
pensc. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
WALTER BEsANT calls us a nation
of slammers. Oh, no! It's the
Turks who slam. Boston Herald.
TIE chef makes no %pretcnsions
as a sharp-shooter, out lie can held
his own at the rangc.-Elmira Ca
zettc
THE question which confronts us"
howlei the orator. ais how to con-
front the question. "-Cleyelapd Plain
Dealer.
Mrs. BRIDIE-Did you taste any
OF that pudding ! made for dinners:
MIR. Bridie-Ycs; I tasted it for six
hours. Puck.
MoTHER-Willie, here is a dose of
oil. Come, take it like IL mau.
Willie All right. Where's the
whisky?.Puck.
DEBroR-Don't get scared, the ac-
count will be paid in time. Creditor
That's what I'm afraid of.-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
AN auctioneer, even if he does not
like his occupation himself, wants to
have other people follow his calling.
Rochester Democrat.
SOME people haven't any more
sense with their schemes than the
hen that takes Il day off while set
ting.-Atchison Globe.
"SoLED out" he murmured to him
self, as the father of his best girl
gave him a lift at . o'clock in the
Observation-Disclosures Press
HoPs in upper New York will aver
age only half Il crop. It's heen the
same way all summer at the sea-
shore hotc's. Philadelphia Ledger.
THE laundry girls of to-day think
their lot a hard one, but it was in
the days of Queen Elizabeth that
they really had a ruff time of it.
Troy Press.
WHATEVER the state of the coup-
try since the coming of the new
comet, the astronomers business at
least has been looking up.-Philadel-
phia Times.
THAy familiar advice, "Let dogs
delight to bark and bite" is perhaps
the only instance on record where a
dog fight has been encouraged by the
~muse.-Washington Star.
Mrs. YoUNaQUAcK-You are SO
p~ersevering and hopeful, dear. You
remind me of Patience sitting on a
monument. DIR. Youngquack-Ifccl
blue enough to remind you of the
monuments sitting on my PATIENTS
Puck.
MI. SPIKER (in search of a board
ing house)-There is no limit to the
diet, presume, madam? Boarding
h~ousekeeper (proudly)-No limit,
sir. During last year five of my
boarders died from over-eating.-
Tit-Bits.
ST. PETER-What did you do on
earth? SPIRIT wrote the poetry
advertisements for the elevated roads.
st. Peter-Wc don't want you here.
You had better try the other place.
SPIRIT did, but they wouldn't let
me i%n.-,Judge.
SWELL, Mollie," said her papa,
who is a militia colonel, sdid you sec
me marching up Broadway today"
"Yeth," said Mollie, land 1 was real
mad, papa. They might have let
you have adrum to play on like those
others had.-Harpcr's Bazar."
RANDOM Decentralization me.
but what are you putting down in
your notebooks: Worlds Fair Wis.
itor-Oh, I'm just putting down the
things that have made an indelible
impression upon my memory SO that
L won't forget thcm.-Chicago Rec.
ord.
us that your daughter making all
that noise, Mrs. Clanty?:" My
daughter, Old have you to know,
Mrs. Halleran, is cultivatin' her
voice. "Cultivatin' her voice, is it.
Mrs. Clanty?: It's mcself that .ud
loikc to compliment her on the big
crop she is ~gcttin'."-Washington
Star.
@HANK1NsoN," said Ji%ng!eberry.
"were you eve in love?:" sOnce," re-
piled Hankinson, sand the object of
my affection was the finest creature
in the world" "And was it rccip-
rocated?" "Fully." And yet you
never married?" "No; 1 couldn't"
"Why not?:" "a man cannot marry