The record-union., 1893-09-02
Two CONCRITS.
Written for the REcoRD-Ux1oS bv { Lion.
berger.l
CoNCEIr THE E1psT


Some years ago there lived in one of the
COTTON States-Just which one cuts no
hgure IN the case-a short, round-faced,
plump, good-natured, jolly little man,
known far and near by the simple coun-
try folk as DIR. Sharp. One time in the
dIm past his parents had christened him
Jacob, but it is probable that had the
latter name been applied at the time this
narrative opens, he himself would not
have recognized it. He was physician
ana surgeon in a small, old, rambling,
tumole-down, decayed village situated
somewhere within the borders of the
State in question.
The practice of DIR. Sharp was large and
lucrative. No case of "chills." within or
near the village, but the possessoF took
ais or her regular allowance of quinine,
prescribed and put up by DR.. Sharp in
person.
NO one troubled with torpid liver but
swallowed their rhubarb and calomel as
directed by him, and no good lady would
nave harbored tor one single moment the
tnought OF increasing her husbands fam
Ay un4ess Or. Sharp was in attendance,
ana was he not available she would deem
interesting event Indefinitely, or until
such times as the services of the little
doctor were subject to her call.
Inc doctor was a round-eyed. rosy
checked little man, who invariably
told the same old joke in the same tone,
VITA the same gestures, and had it not
been laughed at at each successive time
with the greatest gusto the insult would
nave proved too gross to be overlooked,
ana persons failing in that particular, or
who CHANGED to applaud at the wrong
place, were booked forthwith to haye
their regular allowance of quinine or cal
omel doubled on the first occasion, or, if
lady, she would of necessity be com
PEELED to wait an unconscionable time
before the increase might be creditabIy
allowed.
IL WAS said by some-probably ill-dis-
posed persons-that the little doctor was
a decidedly shrewd hand at driving a
bargain, and that in business transac-
tons, despite his habitual good humor,
friendship invariably ceased.
DR.. Sharp's method OF diagnosis con-
sisted, as has that of many eminent
physicians, both before and alter him, of
allowing the patient to describe his all
ment, locate the pain, give each symptom
and the entire history and probable cause
OF the attack until there could no longer
remain a reasonable doubt as to the ma
sist that the sufferer keep a close tongue
IN his head; that good physician always
located the seat OF disease without assist
ance, and concluded by feeling the pulse,
closely examining the tongue and giving
medical name OF extraordinary length
and extremely mystical meaning to the
illness. He seldom failed to impress his
patient with the dangerous nature of the
Inalady and with the skill and import
ance of his medical adviser, usually
bringing up with something like:
"Ah! as l expected! Chills, indeed!
Why, man. you have an aggravated case
of malaria. and it is fortunate you called
me in at this early period, otherwise |
should have not held myself responsible
tor results"
Lord doctor, you don't think Ull die, do
your" would question Rhe excited owner
of the malaria, in replyto which the little
doctor would partially close his left eye
and give his round head knowing roll,
which pantomime might be construed
by the patient as being favorable or un-
favorable as the notion Struck him. After
the fever had been broken the victim
always felt grateful to DIR. Sharp; was NOR
ally certain his disease had been OF a
most virulent nature, and that only the
prompt attendance and superior skill of
the little doctor had prolonged lis eX-
lstence.
worthy doctor bore an enviable reputa-
ton among the medical fraternity as
well as suffering humanity, and he never
failed to impress his mode of procedure
upon the minds of the many students
who danced attendance at his call, absorb
ing knowledge and medical terms from
the fount OF his experience, as one of the
secrets of success.
OF the students who asplred to medical
fame, under the tutelage of DR.. Sharp.
but one claims your attention. He was
tall, slim and angular. His head was
ponderous, seeming out OF all proportion
when compared with the remainder of
his anatomy. His hair had notion, pc
cul1arly its own, to play at porcupine,
and neither coaxing nor brushes availed
augbt in the struggle, for like the ghost
OF once prominent parsonage it abSo-
lutely and with all 'candor refused to
'down." His hands, feet and joints ap-
peared much too large for his extremi-
ties, and his general appearance gave
room Tor vague impression that nature,
in one of her playful moods, had thrown
him together with small regard for any
one of the proprieties. He was late in
emerging from the estate of youth into
that of manhood, the transformation. as
Jet, having scarcely commenced.
On the banks Of the dark little river
his ancestors had quietly lived and died
for the past hundred years, and not one
of them had ever expressed a desire to
change the family name to one of greater
magnitude or more letters. Green had
answered the purpose OF the founder, and
Green was deemed amply sufficient for
our student, TO which had been pretixed,
tor the purpose OF distinguishing him
from all other Greens, the unromantic,
though emlnently practical name-Joa
In the office Joab was an acknowledged
prodigy. Drachms, scrupies and grains
came as natural to him as water to the
proverbial duck, and he was deferred to
10y all; but once outside he became the
butt OF rldlcuLe for everyone, from the
oldest student, who occupied an arm
chair and cultivated gold-rimmed eye
glasses, to the office boy who swept down
the backstairs and as an interlude
whistled Dixie" with the latest ap-
proved volume and the most extrayagant
variations.
Joab's father was a planter, and had
reared the boy on generous plan. A
goodly quantity of outdoor exercise, colts
to ride, COWS to milk, pumpkins to chop,
and in the busy season he shouldered his
hoe, marched to the field and swung that
instrument among the cotton plants from
morn till night.
1t thus transpired that Joab exceIled in
one thing. Horseback riding had with
him, owing to numerous youthful bare
back acts upon unbroken colts, become
second nature, and he had graduated.
not only as an expert but also as a grace
ful horseman. Once in the saddle the en-
tire figure underwent so great a change
as to be scarcely recognized. His seat
could not be shaken, and a pleasing
picture was presented as he rode past
mounted upon his noble black horse, a
present from his father-his own pride
and the envy of the village.
a large, clean, powerful animal that
carried his head as though proud Of him