The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1893-08-26
HICKS PATENT COOKER.
The Pathetic Story That Induced
the Rector to Buy.

rupted the rector of st. Bartholomew
in as irascible manner rs Is permitted
TO his cloth.
They come in three sizes" contin-
ued the mild-mannered man with the
soft low voice-"small. mejum and
large. They're made of tin, genuwine
block tin. not rolled tin. l have fire.
quently been congratulated on the
quality of my tin. Said Bishop Dobson
to me: Hicks, 1 congratulate you ON
the quality Of your tin"
'.Bishop Dobsone" queried the rector
of St Bartholomew's with isngaid In
terest 81 don't remember TO have seen
his name in the church calendar"
"Methody," explained the mild-man-
nered man. I'm a Methody. Here's
a certificate from my pastor saying I'm
an individooal of moral character and
use good tin in my cookers. Here's a
letter from Rev. Edward Atkins-but
1 don't set much store by that, bein' as
he Is a Baptis', and no judge of tin.
The principle on which my cooker is
based
You will nave to excuse me. said
the rector of st. Bartholomew's, look
ing hard at the heavy gold watch pre-
scented him by the parish on his last
birthday, but / have a sermon to
write"
'Mebbe your lady would like to see
the cooker" said the m~ild-mannered
man. Its made of %genuwine block
tin, and Bishop Dobson himself said:
Hicks, I congratulate you on the quail.
ity Of your tin"
81 have no wife," said the rectef,
with the merest suspicion of q blush.
Then buy a cooker and git one" said
the mild-mannered man. confidentially.
with Hicks paytent cooker as an
argumint, you will git one easy. They
come in three sizes-small, mejum and
large. This here is the small one.
Folds all up, you see. like a telescope.
Mebbe you wouldn't believe it, but one
of them su6all-sized cookers saved my
life once. 1t was in the spring of 1858,
or the fall of 1852, or the winter of
1854, I don't remember which and 1t
don't make no difference, that Rev. DIR.
James Wilyums. ID. D., and took pas
sage for Africky in the brig Thomas J.
Walkup, goin' as missionaries to some
of the numerous cannibal tribes that
keeps down the population, and conse-
uuently accounts for the depressed
values of real estate in the Dark Con-
tinent.. Rev. DR.. Wilyuins was to teach
the savages religion, but my mission
was a more important was to
introduce Hicks paytent cooker among
'em. You can see hat even this large.
sized cooker won't hold a man, to say
nothin' of the mejum and small
ones. Now | calculated to teach the saw.
ages TO use my cookers, and when they
got so attached to 'em as to never eat
nothin' except what was cooked 1 n a
cooker-seein' that you couldn't cook a
man in 'em-cannibalism would natur'
SLY die out. When | preached my plan
to Bishop Dobson his eyes shone snd he
said: Go, Hicks, go. Your work will
supplement the work of Rev. DR.. vii.
gums. I heartily commend your plan,
and / congratulate you on b quality
of your tin Them was his words, and
| went
swell sir, the mornin' after I ar
rived in Africky I began TO talk to the
chief about my cooker, when what
does he do but take me down to the
leadin' grocery store of the town and
show me Rev. DIR. Wilyums chained up.
"'Can you cook him. axed the chief.
NO said /, my breath all gone
with surprise at the turn affairs had
took.
"'well,' said the old chief, them,
the kind of v~ictuals we eats. We don't
consume much in the way of breakfast
foods. infants foods and the like. II
your cooker can't cook our style of pro
visions we amt got any use for it
"And with that they put me in their
Jail, and that was the last l ever seen
or heerd of Rev. DIR. James Wilyums,
D. D. They would have ct me at once,
but the chiefs daughter, Ugogina, fell
in love with me, and made EN- put of
the obsequies or festivities, according
as you looked at it from my stand
point or the savages'. ! talked nice To
Ugogina, and got her to bring me my
small-sized cooker, the only one the old
witch doctor what kept the cookers
would let her have; and with that
cooked them savages the finest kinds Of
victuals they ever ct, and they set mt free
and made me royal cook, and the CHIEF
kinder smiled indulgently at the way
Ugogina was maxim up to me. 80 you
see the small-sized cooker saved my
life
s.Tll buy the small size," said the
rector, hastily. Il have q sermon to
write
Now you Just take my advice and
git a mejum size. You can afford it
When you take that small-sized cooker
round to that young lady you're after,
when you ask her to marry you whatl
she think? Why, she'll say to herself
that in buyin' this small cooker you are
LAWN out not TO ever have any com
pany to meals, andif she is a girl that
Is fond of company, you're runnin' q
risk. Wait till l tell you how the mejum.
sized cooker saved my life. Well, the
old witch doctor took a big dislike te
me, and kept tellin' the folks that
would makes better meal cooked thar
l would cookin'. Ugogina wanted te
marry me, and the chief was willin'
but the witch doctor prophesied q lot ri
calamities if the marriage took place,
and scared the chief. Now ! didn't
want to marry Ugogina, but could set
that II ! did I would be saved from
bein' ct; but l thought ! would try tr
save myself and gst out of the marriags
also. ] could have run OF to ses
any day. but there warn't nt
boats. ! could see ships ssilin' BY quits
often, but thsre wsrn't no way 70 Ri'
Oh 70 ,su. decided 70 az the witch
doctor first got Ugogina TO wheedls
the old TELLER TO give ne my metum'
sised cooker. tbs smsll-sized Aot bein
large enough for my purposes Then
got d lot Of African beams and some
hollow reeds and some sticky clay. ]
set the beans q cookin' and put the
reeds into a little hole I made in top OF
the cooker. invited the witch doctor
in, and told him this was some of my
new vaporized atmospheric air, and
told him to put his mouth to the reed