Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1893-07-20
HANDS IN THE WAY.
Wear Dress Suit for the First Time
and You'll See.

What can even a man who isn't
self respecting do with his hands
Whine immured in a dress suit? says
the New York Tribune. Let 'em
hang, of course will be the reply of
the quick and penetrating reader, and
no doubt that is the best thing he can
do, but it occurs to us that it should
not be So The dress suit is defective,
it is behind the age; is does mot meet
the requirements Of civilized man.
The man who can Wear a dress suit
and let his hands hang and swing
about without experiencing a sense
of discomfort shows an instance of
ataNism Man Originally, of course,
let his hands dangle and whip about
him in every passing wind. He also
ate his food raw and lived in a cave,
with dark rooms and perhaps a fam
lily in the next cave with children.
In this primitive condition of life
man had but little to do, so he did
not fra it difficult TO look after his
hands, even if he had no pla.1 to put
them But rs he advanced he had
other things to take up his attention
and thoughts. and relief from the con
slant strain of attending to his hands
became imperative. A place where his
hands could repOSe in comfort while
his active mind continued to wrestle
with tmporrNnt problems was seen
to be a necessity. The result was the
invention of the trousers pocket, the
ma t,IraI home of the human masculine
hands Woman, not having any
weighty thoughts like men, and conse-
Quently being free to look after her
hands. has never developed any pockets
for them.
One of the most difficult problems
which scientists have to encounter Is
why man, after having through long
years of evolution developed a salts
factory pocket for his hands, should
deliberately give it up in the dress
suit. For the trousers of the dress
suit, not always, of course, but in the
majority Of cases we think. taking the
country as a whole, are entirely want
.ng in pockets, or the pockets are rudi-
mentary or they are placed in such
Il position that it is harder work to
keep the hands in them than it is to at
tend to them outside. OF course the
| man who puts on a dress suit every
evening at o'clock becomes in time
accustomed to this unnatural condition
| in a measure, and even appears quite
at his ease while his hands are sway
ing loosely at his sides. But even in
this case it is largely the appearance of
ease, and his thoughts frequently re-
vert to his former pOcketed state.
But i'm the case of man VINO wears
his dress suit only half a dozen or a
dozen times a year the positive misery
involved in suddenly having pair of
orphan hands thrust upon him is al
ways considerable, and frequently ii
is intense. 1t is lack of trousers
pocket for the hands which makes a
man forget all the good things he was
going to say in his after dinner speech
He thinks of them easily enough the
next day when he can get rid of his
hands 1t is the mental strain of get
ting along without trousers pockets
which frequently brings a man home
from an entertainment in a demOral
lied condition. which his wife foolishly
ascribes to drink, when perhaps he
hasn't had but five or six kinds OF
wine. with a little brandy and mis-
cellaneous liquor or two Statistics
show that only one young man in q
thousand can successfully propose
marriage in q dress suit, the difficulty
| being solely the amount of attention
which his hands demand. 1t is hard
of course, for a woman to understand
this thing, never herself having felt the
need Of a suitable retreat for hel
hands; but women are going to dis
cover when they come to vote and &C
annex distant islands, not to mentor
learning to play poker, that they vii
have to have storage facilities for theil
hands or be left in the political race