Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1893-02-02
ADVANCEMENT OF THE AGE.
[For the KEowEE COURIER. |

HDiHNUlllLNl vi ilIl null.
[For the KEowEE COURIER.
One of the latest overpowering
evidences of the celerity of progress
in the mechanical arts is the ''naul-
t,lmin paryo," "E Pluridus U1,eom," "
grand combination, rocking and fan
ming chair. This great invention is
almost automatic in its operation.
The es1No1lus Operandi'' is so perfect
that the operator has absolutely
nothing to do but send the butchers
and bakers collectors away from the
door satisfied with an 81 owe you; :
then pick up the latest pictorial
volume of the popular ''Buffa!c Biz,
series, seat himself in the rocker and
gently sway himself back and forth
with the aid of lever power, gene.
rated by the pressure Of the toe of
his patent leather boot against the
Brussels carpet, while the breeze
from the wind generating apparatus
above softly whistles "Home Sweet
Home" through his long flowing
"whiskaws."
Now, in the ever increasing, already
longated list of improvements in the
art of invention, there will appear in
the near future an invention designed
TO relieve man of the necessity OF
arising and dressing himself in the
morning. With this invention man
will simply have to consign himself
to the tender mercies of this machine,
which will probably be known as the
ga Capite ad Calcem' Toilet Per-
former" which, by simply pressing a
button, thereby turning on an electric
current, will lift the subject from the
bed, give him a "Cleanhness-is-next-
to .Godliness" bath, dress him, ar
range his hair, adjust his tie, put a
four-ply professional shine on his
shoes and place cigarette between
his lips, while the prayerful words of
his morning invocation will ascend
heavenward from the devout lips of
phonograph attachment.
Already in projection fer our fu-
ture enjoyment is a new model tele-
phone, by which one may keep his
room and enjoy the play at a theater
five miles distant, the conversations
being distinctly heard, while the
entire action of the play will be re-
flected in a large French plate mir
ror, placed near the telephone, while
the strength of every hit, with the
denizens of the third gallery, will be
faithfully recorded by an indicator
upon a graduated scale dial attached
to the phone.
Another great and invaluable in
vention Of the near future will be the
s'Automatic typewriter and mailer
which, by simply starting the pendu-
lum of a clock work connection, will
type-write any epistle dictated to it,
fold the sheet, place in an envelope,
seal it, address the same and stamp
it ready for mailing. This will prob
ably be the invention of some pru-
dent and thoughtful wife whose hus-
bands business required the services
of two or three female stenographers.
Sometime since Mr.. Edison con-
ceived the great, grand and glorious
idea of utilizing a certain iron noun
tain of huge bulk as kind of dry
battery to furnish the current for an
inter-etherial telephone from "Terra'
to "Sol'' via sLuna'' and "Mars," no
ground connections; but Mr.. Edison
for some, no doubt, good reason has
called off his mental forces for awhile.
Probably he is waiting the success OF
co-projectors on "Solo' in their efforts
to raise by subscription, or otherwise,
sufficient amount for the completion
of the plant.
This great inter-planetary tele-
phone will be an invaluable conren-
ience of the first magnitude. There
will be no limit to its multiple bene-
fits. sUncle Sans" weather bea-
reau will be enabled to communicate
with the associated bureaus OF
aSol" and thereby will be in a posi-
ton to furnish any kind of weather
desired by tickle humanity, imported
directly, by telephone, from "SoP
free of duty and at nominal price
For instance, regular June day is
wanted for the celebration OF Christ
mas or New Years day.. application
is made to the weather bureau Of
,"Uncle Sam" who will at once tele.
phone the superintendent of the
weather bureau ON "Sol" who viii
at once, without awaiting the actor
Of sSolar" congress or local legis.
lature, order the wicks of the heat
generating lamps to be turned up tt
such degree rs may be required by
the soliciting aterrestia1 bureau
When this line becomes thoroughly