Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-12-04
JUST FOR FUN.


It is great pleasure to meet you. |
adore animals.
Once Disraeli thus commented upon
a portrait of himself: us it not hide
ous?-and so ike?''
Binkles and his girl have had an
other falling out. Is it possible? What
caused it? Defective hammock.
Pork Dealer-(to young widow
Madame, 1900 hogs and faithful
heart lay at your feet. Please take
US in.
Deafness Cannot be Cured
by local applications as they cannot reach the
diseased portion of the ear. There is only
one way to cure deafness, and that is by
stitutional remedies. Deafness is caused by
the Eustachian Tube. When this tube is in
famed you have rumbling sound imper
feet hearing, and when it is entirely closed,
deafness is the result, and unless the infiam
nation can be taken out and this tn be reStOr-
ed to it's normal condition, hearing will be
destroyed forever; nine cases out of ten are
caused by catarrh, which is nothing but an
iniamed condition of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case of Deafness Caused by catarrh) that can
not be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure. Send
F. j. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
ha-Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Boston Woman - Oh, do SO love
the fields on our New England farms!
New York Girl-Why? Boston Woman
Because they are SO cultivated.
"Mary, did any one call while was
out?" eyes; Mr.. Shocks" 'Snooks,-
Shocks? I don't know anybody of that
name." "Probably not, mum; he
called to see me-"
Is Benson as forgetful as ever? More
so. Why, that Teller has to look him
self up in the directory every night
before he goes home from business.
Forgets his address.
Say, said the city youth to the mod
est countryman, hayseed out o. your
hair yet? Wall, was the deliberate re-
ply, jedge not, from the way the
calves come after me.
The children's health must not be neglect
ed. Cold in the head causes catarrh Ely's
Cream Balm cures at once. 1t is perfectly
safe and is easily applied into the nostrils.
The worst cases yielding to it. Price 5oc
Hostess-Oh, I think some people
are SO disagreeable! Don't you hate
people who can sing and won't Old
Grouchy-No, not SO much as | do
those who can't sing and will!
Chief Where is officer Mulcahy?
Clerk-At home, sir; he caught the
measles yesterday. Chief-Advance
his pay one dollar a week; that's the
first capture of his beat this year.
enthusiastically was it that his
great discovery was not properly ap-
preciated until long after Columbus
was dead? Nineteenth Century School
boy-Because he didn't advertise, sir.
Daughter Cooking up from her nov
eD-Papa, in time of trial, what do
you suppose brings the most comfort
to man? Papa (who is district
judge)-An acquittal, [ should think.
The reason why Arnica & Oil Liniment is
popular with the ladies is because it not only
is very healing and soothing but it's odor is
not at all offensive.
He I am rather in favor of the
English than the American mode of
spelling She-Yes? He-Yes, indeed,
Take parlour, for instance; having u
in it makes all the difference in the
world.
Little Boy-I guess everybody tho't
I was always going to be baby. Lit
tie Girl-Why? Little Boy-'Cause
every time any visitors come, they
always hold up their hands and say,
'sWhy, how he's grown!"
When your practicing friend across
the way has learned how to play the
cornet he will entertain the whole
neighborhood, said Mrs. Brown. Yes,
said Mr.. Jones, but by that time there
won't be any neighborhood here.
EgMrs. Outwest- in the worlds fair
art exhibit -Silas, is the whole fair as
poor as this? Silas-Now, sir. just
wait till we get to the Wild West
Show, and then you'll feel like you
are getting back to civilization.
Hickox's Shorthand School, Copley Square
Boston, has the unparalled record OF having E,
placed every graduate during the past three
Years in position, at a1ting salary of not
less than $40 week.
s'Yez may say what yez PLACE, gin
tleman; it's not anywhere ye'n be
foinding Drawer men nor tn Irish"
Banter-Come off, Pat; it was only the
other night I made five of them run.
Pat-Was it long catchin' We, they
were?
Gentleman Ito beggar whom he has
lately treated to good suit Of clothes)
Why man, you are all in rags again!
What have you done with that outfit
I gave you? Beggar-Why, good sir,