Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-08-07
JUST FOR FUN.

"Where are you going to spend the
summer?'' "Somewhere where l shall
not have to spend anything else"
Did the term woolly west originate
from the unpleasant fact that many
an investor has been f1eeced there?
ssMary'' asked Charles, "what ami
NAL dropped from the clouds?'' ''The
rain, DEAR" was the whispered reply.
The time appears to be at hand
when a man who is referred to as sill
YER haired will regard it as an attempt
to depreciate him.
After trying many remedies for catarrh
during the past twlve yeas. Itried Ely's Cream
Balm with complete success. 1t is over one
year since L stopped using it and have had no
return of catarrh. I recommend it to all my
friends Milton 7. Palm, Reading.
City Sportsman: "Have you seen
anything worth shooting at around
here?n Farmer: sWell, no, not till
you came"
Mother-Horrors! How did you get
so muddy? Small Son-Runnin' home
home to see if there was anything you
wanted me to do.
ode singin' OBJ birds is sweet" re-
marked Uncle Eben, "but de cackle
oh er chicken on your roos' has heap
mo- expression in it,"
Teacher-What is the meaning Of
self control? Boy-It's when teacher
gets mad and feels like giving boy
black mark and doesn't.
You can never measure the spiritual
welfare of congregation from the
height of the church steeple for which
the members have paid.
HOOPS CUREs.-In saying that Hoods Sar-
saparilla cures, it's proprietors make no idle
or extravagant claim. Statements from thou
sands of reliable people OF what Hoods Sar-
saparilla has done for them, conclusively
prove the fact. Hoods Sarsapari1la cures.
Hoods Pills act especially upon the liver,
rousing it from torpidity to its natural duties
cure constipation and assist digestion.
Clara-Why are you so bitter against
him just because he proposed and you
refused him? Maud-The wretch! He
said he would never ask me again.
She-Who is that strange old man
in the next box? He seems SO terribly
He-Why, that is MI. Long
head, the author of this comic opera.
Your son is very clever lecturer,
Mr.. Henpeck, does he inherit his tai
ent from you? Not by jugful, said
Henpeck ruefully. He gets the lee
ture habit from his mother.
Colonel, l hear that you were So
cial lion in Washington? Yes, sir!
Loaned three congressman $40 apiece
and got chance to pay a senator's
hotel bill.
BUcKLEN's ARNICA SALvE.-The Best Salve
m the world for Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers,
Salt Rheum, Fever Sores, letter, Chapped
Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and all Skin Erup-
ions, and positively cures Piles, or no pay re-
1uired. 1t is guaranteed to give perfect sat
sfaction, or money refunded. Price IS cents
per box. For Sale by H. G. Pierce.
First Worlds Fair Visitor Then
there are places where you can get
25 cent lunches? Second Worlds Fair
Visitor Yes, you can get them all
round here by paying $1.00.
Clergyman (lately come to the par
ish)-Your neighbor, Smith, says my
sermons are rubbish. Farmer
You needn't mind i'm sir: 'e's merely
a mouthpiece for other folks.
'Why do you not eat your apple,
''I'm waitin' till Johnny
Briggs comes along. Apples taste
much better when there's some other
boy to watch you eat 7em."
Children Cry for
Pitchers CaStoria.