Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-16

Pd lrdS stamping on it 1Cith his boots"
No, Pa has not got religion enough to
hurt yet, but he has got the symptoms.
lie has Joined the church on prowbation
and Is trying to be good so he can get in
the church for keeps. He said it was
hell living the way he did, and he has got
me to promise to go to Sunday school.
He said if / didn't he would maui me so
my skin wouldn't hold water.
You see, Ma said Pa had got to be on
trial for six months before he could get
IN the church, and if he could get along
without swearing and doing ANYTHING
bad he was all right, and we must try
him and sea if we could cause him to
swear. She said she thought person
when they was on prowbation ought
to be martyr and try and overcome all
temptations to do evil, ana if Pa could
go through six months of our home life
and not cuss the hinges off the door he
was sure Vi Il glorious Immortality be-
yond the grave. She said it wouldn't be
wrong for Inc to continue to play limo
cent jokes on Pa. and if he took il all
right he was Chistian. but If he got a
hot box and few around mad he was
better out Of church than init. There he
! comes now " said the boy as he got be-
hind a sign, land he is pretty hot for
| Christian. He is looking for me. You
had ought to have seen him in church
this morning.
You see, l commenced the exercises at
home after breakfast by putting piece
| of ice in each of Pas boots. and when he
! pulled on the boots he yelled that his feet
were all OF fire, and we told him that 1t
was nothing but symptoms of govt so
he left the ice in his boots to melt, and
| he said all the morning that he felt as
! though he had sweat his boots full. But
| that was not the worst. You know. Pa
| he wears a liver pad. Well on Saturday
my chum and me was out on the lake
| shore, and we found a nest of ants, these
| little red ants, and l got a pop bottle
half full o. the ants and took them home.
| didn't know what I would do with the
| ants, but ants are always handy to have
in the house. This morning when Pa
was dressing for church l saw his liver
pad on a chair and noticed hole in it,
and l thought what good place it would
| be for the ants.
! Il don't know what possessed me, but
UoOk the liver pad into my room ana
opened the bottle and put the hole over
tine mouth of the bottle, and I guess the
| ants thou yht there was something to eat
in the liver pad, cause they all went
into it, and they crawled around in the
bran and condition powders inside of it,
and 1 took it back to Pa, and he put it
on under his shirt and dressed himself,
and we went to church. Pa squirmed
little when the minister was praying,
and l guess some of the ants had come
out to view the landscape DER. When
we got up to sing the hymn, Pa kept
kicking, rs though he was nervous, and
he felt down his neck and looked sort of
wild, the way he did when he had the
jimjams. When we sat down, Pa couldn't
keep still, and l like to died when l saw
some of the ants come out of his shirt
bosom and go racing around his white
! vest. Pa tried to look pious and re-
signed, out he couldn't keep his legs
still. and he sweat moren a pailful.
when the minister preached about
the worm that never dieth,' Pa reached
into his vest and scratched his ribs, and
he looked as though he would give $40 If
the minister would get through. Ma she
looked mt Pa as though she would bite
his head off, but Pa he just squirmed and
acted as though his soul was on fire.
Say, does ants bite or just crawl around?
Well, when the minister said amen and
prayed the second round and then said
brother who was a missionary to the
heather would like to make few re-
marks about the work of the missionaries
in Bengal and take up collection, Pa
told Ma they would have to excuse him,
and he lit out for home, slapping himself
on the legs and on the arms and on the
back, and he acted crazy. Ma and me
went home after the heather got through
and found Pa in his bedroom with part
of his clothes off, and the lver'pad was
On the floor, and Pa was stamping on i:
with his boots and talking offul.
"'What is the matter? says Ma. Don't
your religion agree with you?'
"'Religion be dashed says Pa as he
kicked the liver pad. 4 would give SIC
to know how pint of red ants got into
my liver pad. Religion is one thing, and
million ants walking all over man
playing tag is another. l didn't know
the liver pad was loaded. How in &c
henna did they get in there? and Pa
scowled at Ma as though he would kill
her.
":Don't swear. dear says Ma, as she