Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-01-12
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and L3ughable'
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Wozd Artists OF
Our Own Day.
SciSSored Smiles,

scissored Smiles.
A FITTING tribute-the check for
the tailor. Washington Star.
A BALKY horse is not worth it's
wait in anything. Press.
JIG-DANCING music is the kind that
reaches the SOLE -Yonkers States
man.
The good man says about him
self must go for what it is WORTH
New Orleans Picayune.
A GIRL gives her lover mitten,
we suppose, because pair is out of
the Observation-Disclosures Leader
The best idea of a Sabbath days
journey is obtained when one tries to
run through Sunday newspaper
, Lowell Courier.
s'WELL," said the impatient street.
car conductor to the corpulent party
trying to catch the car, "come ahead
or else go afoot.-Lampoon.
SHE-And so you broke every one
of the good resolutions you made a
year ago? He-Yes, but can make
more just as good next month.
LITTLE DoT-Sister gave me her
brass ring. Little Dick-How do you
know it's brass? Little Dot-'Cause
she gave it to mcleod News.
MRS. McCANTy-An' we've raised
quote big family, Mrs. Murphy?
Mrs. Murphy with pride)--Seven
polacemin, Mrs. McCanty.- Tid-Bits.
II PROPOSED to Miss Dingbatts.
last evening"" '.Ah! and how did
she take it?" "She didn't take it at
all; she refused it. "-Philadelphia
Record.
The claim that the telephone bust
ness is conducted on sound principles
seems possible; but, really, it is sup
ported merely by hearsay evidence. =
Texas Siftings.
John, what's the Salic law we
read about in history?" asked Mrs.
John. cit was a law that prevented
women becoming kings" replied
John, learnedly.-Life.
SHE-"Oh, James, how grand the
sea is. How wonderful! / do like
to hear the roar of the ocean" He
$50 do /, Elizabeth; please keep.
|
WILL you have another cup of cof-
fee?" the landlady asked the boarder.
He shook his head. "The spirit is
willing" he said, "but the coffee is
weak New York Press.
COTToN MILLs-"Is Coaten Vest
good salesman" Wooden Hose
"The best there is. Why, that fell
1o,1 oou15 coll rao1ur,ofio ol,,fhipr to
Ward McAllister. Truth.
THERE is nothing novel in the an-
nouncement that Mrs. Chanler has
abandoned literature. Amelie's lit
erature has always been more or less,
abandoned.-Texas Siftings.
GIVE changed my mind twice to-
day." said Willie Washington. Well"
said his brutal friend, "you don't
mean to say that you got the worst of
the trade?"- Washington Star.
BURGLAR BILL-We are perfectly
safe, old man. Pilfering Pete-HOW
do you know? Burglar Bill-The pa,
per says they are working on an inn
portant clew.--Brooklyn Eagle
ED1ToR-There is not sufficient &C
tion to this comic sketch of yours.
Artist-Action! Why, great Scott,
it has moved around to nine or ten
papers already. Siftings.
SWELL, Rastus, are you used to be-
ing rich YETI" "Nor, sab. KANT
git used to it sab. Lor' bless yer!
l went out into nah own hen-coop
larst night an stole one O nah own.
chickens, sab. "-Harpar's Bazaar.
CIT is always best to be earnest, !"
said the man who loves to lecture.
eff you do anything do it in italics. )"
eyes," said the youth, Il have several
times seen man fail because he
went into business with small capt.
tai. Washington Star.
Mrs. BINGo-.Don't you think, dear,
it would be a good idea for you to
give me an expense book, SO that the
coming year you will know where all
the money goes? Bingo-I can tell
without any expense book, darling
All I have to do is to look on your
back. Knew York Herald.
BRIOGs-That was nice thing that
young Fiddleback fell into, wasn't it?
The father of the girl he is going to
marry gives them a house and lot,
and her mother furnishes all her
clothes, besides giving her an income
Griggs-What does Fiddleback do?
Briggs understand that he is GO
ing to buy his own cigarettes. Puck.
| CAPT SABERTAsH, of the cavalry
corps, was an inveterate drill master.
| One Sunday the Colonel saw some Of
the Captains company, and inquired
| why they were not at church. Corp.
! Tompion said they had sermon.
every day in the week, and therefore,
thought they might be excused on
Sunday. "A sermon every day in. the.
| week." Eyes. Capt. Sabertash gives,
/ lis q sermon on the mount reulllarA