davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08
A CASE OF PIG.
How the Eloquent Counsel for the De-
Tense Got His Pay.

\ Washington lawyer of considerable
prominence relates an amusing story in
cidental to the first criminal case in
which he was retained by the defense.
He was then practising in small town
not far from Washington and the case
was that of a local character who had
purloined fat porker, the property of
his neighbor.
At first matters looked bad for the ac
cused during the trial, but Mr.. L., the
lawyer, was most eloquent in his defense.
His speech aboundcd in rhetorical flowers
and figures. At times he was even pa
thetc to such degree that tears dimmed
the eyes of the jury, while the prisoner
wept most copiously. The final outburst
of his eloquencc brought everything
around to a climax of triumph, the jury
delivering the verdict of not guilty with.
out leaving their seats, although the evil
dencc Of the prosecution tended to show
a most conclusive guilt.
The released man was most prOfuse in
his words of gratitude, calling Mr.. l..
his prcserver, the champion of his honor,
his liberty and all that life held dear to
him.
Mr.. L. acknowledged with becoming
modesty his flood of thanks, but at last
seeing no end in sight of these extrava-
ganccs began to hint that financial
acknowledgment would be more in order.
''To be sure, to be sure exclaimed
the client, eagerly, Il won't forget about
that, and pay you handsomely, too. Say,
Mr.. L., you be in your office tonight at
~ and I'll come around and fix things
all right
Twelve o'clock" said the lawyer in
astonishment BLESS me- Why do you
set that late hour?'
Never you mind, sir returned he,
"ncvcr you mind; | mean to pay you,
and pay you we'll. Don't forget; 10
o'clock, sure"
Lawyer and client departed their re
spcctivc ways. That night Mr.. L. sat
in his small office awaiting the coming
of the man whose reputation he had
cleared. There was hushed commotion
in the rear of his establishment promptly
at midnight, then mutiled knock at
the door, Mr.. L. answered it.
"Sh.' whispered the client, hoarsely,
there am
but why do you make such secret
of it p asked the lawyer.
mot too loud" was the answer.
Didn't | say I'd pay you handsomely?'
you did, indeed"
"Well, mean to keep my word. Mr..
L., here it is brought you the pig
And there, in the grimncss of the mid
nights weird show, stood several hun.
bred pounds of stolen bacon, calmly
awaiting the transfer of ownership
washington Herald.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08

The London Lancet thinks it is about
time for people "to set about clearing
away the miserable sepulchres which
abound throughout the country under
the name of bath rooms, and to construct
rooms for the performance of their daily
additions in harmony with the import.
auce and necessity of bodily cleanliness.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08

There are about 200, 900, 900 of acres
cf uncultivated land in India, not in
GLIDING forests. On much of this land
trees could be planted, which, with a
little care and expense at first, would, in
few years, afford an abundance of fuel,
and later on wealth of excellent tim.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08

The population of London now ex-
ceeds that of New YORK, Brooklyn,
Philadelphia and Chicago combined, and
these four are the only American cities
having 100000 or more inhabitants.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08

The labor question is seriously affect
ing the agricultural interests il, Den
mark, the supply Of labor from Sweden
being rapidly exhausted, and the rural
population at home gong steadily over
to town industries.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08

OLD LADY (reading report of pub.
lie dinner)-"Some of these were
drunk standing" Think of that,
Elizer Jane; so drunk they couldn't
sit down! They must be what them
papers call people "who stand well in
society. Princeton Tiger.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08

THE physicians in Mexico who have
been endeavoring to cure typhus fever
by administering cooked spiders, have
succeeded in killing their patients and
f ii t5d ldw adgfetts5go tPfn almost
prevailing in that county.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08
St. Landry Democrat.
BY L. A. SANDOZ.
OpeIousas, - Louisiana.
The report comes from Idaho that
horses there are too cheap to steal.

It is said that nearly all of the plan
tations, orange groves and vineyards in
Florida are passing into the hands OF
Englishmen and Northerners.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08
THE OLD RA~K STAIR.

THE OLD BACK STAIR.
OF all the spsrts of childhood
I know of none so rare
AS sliding down the banisters
OF
tho
lack
stair.
remember well the circus,
And the fun it used to bring
While watching fearless ri'lers
A-dashing 'roun the ring.
But this jolly old attraction
Could never near compare
With sliding down the banisters
Of
the
old
back
Then recollect the barn lofk
Chucked full of clover hay
Mother used to SEMI us there
To pass rainy day.
But often stole away from that
And while mother wasn't there,
Be sliding down the banisters
OF
the
back
stair.
have grown into manhood now.
And often wander homtc
The old folks always welcome me-
They're glad to have me come,
But while they're net looking
I'm tempted, declare
To slide down the banisters
the
Old
back
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Cranky Patient-Sure to BE
Firc-The Intrepid Baron-One
Plate Rather Hard, Etc, Etc.
4 GRANNY PATIEN /.

Docton to patient-I do not wish to
brighten you, but if you have no objcc-
ton Id like to call i'll couple of my
brother physicians.
1rasciblc paticnt-All right! If you
need any assistance in numbering me,
call i'll your accompliccs. - Texas Sift-
inOc
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08
A WIDEAWAKE RELATIVE.

Niece It's pity, uncle, you visited us
to day when we've only got pork for din
ner. Now, if you were here tomorrow,
l could give you fine dish of hare or
vcnisOn.
ava. -ncle-All right, my dear. I'll pro-
row.--[Fliegende Blaetter.
St. Landry democrat., 1893-04-08
SURE TO DE A FIRE.

'1f you don't stop smoking in office
hours you'll get fired, that's ALL, said
Wagg to his bookkccpcr.
at that quite Just to one who does
his work faithfully" asked the scribe.
''Ccrtainly. When there is SO much
smoke there must be a fire. y Harpcrs.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
THE WRONG FARMER.
An Experiment With Watcf, That
Happened at Il Bad Time.


We were talking about human natura {,
general and the human nature Of farmers
in particular. when the man who was irav-
cling for button factory sagely observed
Eyes, the average farmer is q queer man
They talk about his cOnfdng disposition
but he hasn't got it, On the contrary. he
suspects every body of intent to defraud
him ia some way"
We'll. / dunno about that" said one or
the crowd
Il think / can prove it to you in ten
minutes" replied the button man. ~ uv
then, look at this watch and estimate lis
value"
He handed ont watch and chain, and
lhey were passed from hanG 10 hand. The
watch was fine one and the chain was
Solld gold, and the lowest estimate was
u paid $500 in good money for the out
Ut, SAID the man. "One of you come
aiohg into the smOking-car and we'll find
FARMER "Pll offer him watch and chain
t L S3O. and he'll just think | am trying to
Is 9F1' MN. IL lose [ pay Tor SIX dinners.
Il win somebody pay for NINE.
he started out in company with the man
WI. VINO had expressed his doubts. aud about
tHe nrSt man they came to in the smoking
car was mlddie-aged farmer, who had
otel 20 cleveland and had two new ak
halVes IN the seat beside him. The button
man acid out the watch and said:
My friend, am hard up and want to
sell this stuff. Look at if. :"
Don, want 1t, replied the farmer.
but must have money. Watch and
chain cost me $500 Bow much will YOU
give me?'
Don't want TO buy"
But take them in your hand and exam
inc them. Even child could pstimaTe
their value. l ought to get at least half
cost. but as | want $50 awfully bad riphL
away this minute ri make that the price'
1on may take me for a travelling sharppr
but assure you that"
You needn't assure me tall" inter
rnpted the farmer. Il think L know an
! honest man when | see one"
Thanks. Then you are not suspicious
Of me? ?"
mot a mite"
at $50" - = D"'"
II Will" replied the farmer, as he
slipped them into his pocket and felt for
his calfSkin. Just got paid for my wool
today, and here's your cash / see you've
got a diamond pin in your tie. [ cant tell
diamond from a rhinestone but Pm
willing TO chance S25 on it. Has the
other fellow got anything for sale cheap"
IL had 10 be explained 10 the farmer that
! IL all came about on wager. but he was
plgheaded about it, and the button man had
10 hand MIN SO bill before he would call
the bargain off.
You cOntended that the farmer hadn't
| a conndln' disposition, did you?" queried
the toIier as he pOcketed the gle nbacks.
all, guess you know more about but
tons than you do about farmers. YOU lest
come DOWN my way and offer me wind
mill for S25 paner fur $50 or a mower
and reaper fur So, aud I'I confde in YOU
so burned quick hat you can't keep your
heels on the airthp'
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
WROTE SERMONS IN SLEEP.
A Remarkable Somnambulistic Feat
of a Theological Student.

one OF the most remarkable and pulling
stories of somnambulism is related by the
London News. the subject was young
ecciesIastic at a seminary. The Bishop of
the diocese was so deeply interested that he
went nightly 10 the young mans chamber
he saw him get out of bed, secure paper
compose and write sermons. On finishing q
page he read it aloud. When a word dis
pleased him he wrote a correction with
great eXactness. The Bishop had seen
beginning of some of these somnam-
bulistic sermons. and thought them well
composed aud correctly written. Curious
to ascertain whether the young man made
use OF his eyes, the Bishop put a card under
his chin in such manner as to prevent
MN seeing the paper on the table before
him. but he still continued to write.
Not yet satisfied whether or not he
could distinguish different objects placed
before him, the Bishop took away the
piece OF paper, on which ne wrote ana SUBJ
stItufed several other kinds at different
times. lie always perceived the change,
because the pieces of paper were of differ
ent sizes. When piece exactly like his
own was substituted he used it and
wrote his corrections on the places
corresponding to those on his own
paper. 1t was by this means that
portions OF his nocturnal compositions
were obtained. His most astonishing pro-
ductlon was piece of music written with
great eXactiiude He used a cane for a
ruler The clefs, the flats and the sbarps
were al in their right places. The notes
were all made as circles, and those reQuir-
Ing II were alterward blacSened with ink.
The words were all written below, but
once they were In such very large charac-
tiers that they did not come directly below
their proper notes, and, peTceiving this,
he erased them all and wrote them over
again.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
A BRILLIANT WOMAN.

Mrs. MOnachesi, although she descend
ed on one side from Richard Stockton, one
of the signers of the Declaration of indie
peDdence, and on the other. from John
Quincy Adams. still in complexion could
readily pass for an English woman OF the
stroDges; type. She is fair with super b
quantity of nut-brown hair. which she
dresses in peculiar manner. being worn
la pOmpadOur, and gathered in a large
coil on top of her head. She has charm
ingly modula:ed voice and a smile mo st
winning and cheering.
Mrs Monachesi won the second prize of
the New York Society of Ceramic Arts
last November for figures, and her pur-
ceain pictures attracted universal admira-
tlon. They are strong in color, and,
at first, seem to be paintings in oil
so natural are the tints TO life
the colors of the various garments of
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
MADE OF SEA MOSS.

Sea moss certainly is not new. 1t is as
old as the sea itself. But. like many an
other old thing, 1t can be turned to new
uses. One such is the decoration of writ
lng-raper with the treasures that lie
hidden in the tangled moss that every
wave-beaten shore holds. Pull the tangle
out. and you find wonderful reds. deep
creamy whites. tender pnks, warm copper
colors. and almost all variations, from
pale-tinted tips 70 deep. rich brown ends,
besides every known suggestion of green
that is not vivid and not crude.
hammock pillows and yachting pillows
indeed any pillows for outdoor use--are
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24

never so good as when filed with the dried
moss, as is we'll known. Nor is there any
reason why this filling cannot serve as
well for indoor USE The odor of the sea
that it bears is welcome at all seasons of
the year, and ii the moss has power to in
duce seaside dreams and perfect seaside
rest ii would, indeed, be well to carry it
into the winter home.
Certainly a cushion made of soft, pliable
silk, embroidered with sea anemones, star
fish and the Ike piled full with the various
dried moss and interlined only with
cheesecloth or similar soft stuff, would be
grateful TO both eye and touch. One, at
least. light be included in the equipment
of the couch and given the place vacated
by sweet herbs and the like.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24

hsu taik Win MIS-. Story chat being the
prma donna's name in private life) about
her ability as a cook.
"Oh. yes" she said. II keep house in
Paris. and all last season, when | was laid
up from an injury. l directed nv cook
from my bed. l have an excellent cook,
and l have taught her to make lots of
American dishes. But one dish l could
never teach her to do. and that is my
favorite. Tell it not in Gath, neither pro-
claim 1t from tbs housetops, but | Just
dote on Boston baked beans, and my nus
band will tell you no one ever cooks this
dish so we'll as l. This is how cook pork
and beans: / buy first of all one quart OF
small. white beans and pound OF nice.
fat. juicy pork. | wash the beans thor
oughiy, then | put them in kettle and
cover them deep with cold water ! put
them On the range. and soon as they
come to boil l drain them through
a collender and put them in my
bean plpkin; then / add a very small
onion chopped fine. half teaspoonful
OF dry English mustard. spoonful of salt,
plenty OF black pepper, little chopped
parsley and three tablespoonful of moias-
ses. Then take the pork and score 1t fine
Win sharp knife and put on top OF the
oeans. L NIL the pipkin with boiling W alter
from the teakettle and put 1t in the oven,
covered tight, and l let the beans bake ali
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24

SCAKS. FITTING, VEINS, CYSTS. DANDRUFF
BLAChREADS. and all blemishes peculiar to
either sex yield rapidly to treatment as gwen by
ST., San Francisco. Professor FitzpatrIck mana
ger OF the company'S various Offices will take
charge OF the o11ce in this city for a few months
ana VIII guarantee permanent and painless cure
Tor any case he may taSe Our treatment is by he
electric needle operation. which is the only meth
Oh oy which facial disfgurements can be era dtca-
TED You VIII save time. money and suffering by
placlng your case in the hands OF these well
Known and experienced operators our FREE
Booh Will be mated TO your address upon recent
OF stamp. FREE TREATMENT TO NEW PA.
TENTS DURING THIS WEEK For further
particulars call or address
THE NEW YORK ELECTROLYSIS Co,
225 Geary st. San Francisco.
Hours. 9 to 4. Sundays. 10 to /. Book aud con.
sultaIion free. de3 SuJr
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
MY MASTERPIECE.

l wrote the truest, tendrest song
The world has ever card;
And clear, me!odious and strong
And sweet was every woru.
The flowing umberS came 20 me
Unbidden from the heart:
So pure the strain. that pOeSy
Seemed something more than art
No doubtful cadence marred line,
SO tunefully IL flowed.
And through the measure, all divine.
he FIRE OF genius glOwed.
SO deity were the verses wrought.
SO fair the legend Id.
That every wOro revealed thought.
And every thought was gold.
Mine was the charm, the power. the skill,
The wisd ON of the years;
Twas mine to move the world at will
. laughter or to tears.
For subtle pleasantly was there,
md brilliant flash of wit.
Now pleading eyes were raised in prayer,
And row with smiles were lit.
sang of hours when youth was king.
And OF one happy spot
Where life and love were everything,
And time was half forgot.
or gracious days in woodland ways
hen every flower and tree
Seemed echoing the sweetest phrase
From lips IN Arcade.
OF sagas Old and Norseman bands
That sailed DER northern seas;
Enchanting tales of fairy lands
And strange PHILOSOPHERS.
l sang OF Egypt'S faIrest queen,
With PASSIONS fatal curse;
OF that pale, sad-faced tlOrenIlne,
AS deathlesS as his verse.
OF time of the Arcadian Pan.
When dryads thrOnged the trees,
When ATLANTA swiftly
With fleet HippOmenes.
Brave stories too. did l relate
OF baltic flags unfuried:
or glorious days when Greece was great
When Rome was all the world,
And so wrote my perfect song
In such wOndrouS key,
/ heard the pauditS of the throng,
Ana fame awaited me;
Alas the sullen morning broke,
And Came the tempests roar;
Mid dlscord trembling | awoke,
And 10! my dream was DER!
Yet often in the quiet night
My song returns TO me;
selze the pen, and fam would write
My long lost melody.
But, dreaming DER the words, ere long
Comes vague remembering,
And fades away the sweetest song
That man can ever sing.
ARTHUR MAcA.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
Doctors Bills i'm China.
Ashton Reporter.

We Occidentais only pay our doctors
when we are sick, and sometimes not even
then. The Celestial method, as shown by
he example of the Emperor of China, is
pay the doctor only when one is well. AS
soon as the Emperor is sick it Is notifica-
ton to his physicians that their salary is
cut off till he is perfectly well again. The
passionate zeal with which the regulars 90
10 work 10 get his majesty back where
their salaries will begin again is said TO be
something astounding. The result is that
the Emperor is about the healtbiest man
standing ON the planet, and his physicians
seldom lose a days salary.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24

so delicate conception that it is surprising
when one realizes the glaze of the china.
IL was Mrs. Monachesi who painted 1.-THE
Easter Kiss. which was published some
Two years ago-an exquisite china tray in
winch Cupid. the god of love, was the
cen trail figure. Among the latest of this
gifted woman's achievements is the inven-
Ilon of gridiron. This gridiron will be
boon to the good housewife who rejoices
IN juicy steaks and well-cookpd chops. 1t
ECONOMICS every remnant of fire. for by a
simple device the brolIer proper can be
lowered from the frame so that it rests
evenly over the Goals however low in the
crate they may be.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
WOMEN AND HOME.
Some of Fashions Latest
FanCieS.
USES OF MOSS FROM THE SEA
Gowns and Sleeves in Latest Styles.
A Celebrated Singer Who Can
Cook Pork and Beans.

tration is loose, fl wing affair of soft,
satin-6nished stuff in pale blue. The back
falls in a gathered Vatican from the shout
ders. The sleeves are very loose and are
finished with a narrow cuff. The front of
the gown is of white silk gauze, closely
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
Too Simple for This World.

London Illustrated News.
What an admirable place for the cheva-
Tiers of Industry of all kinds must Tunis
be! lady having had a dream there
that whoever drauk OF the water in her els
tern would escape cholera, twenty thou
sand people passed through her premises
lat penny head in couple Of days O
Sancta SimplicitaS! what town that must
be for the confidence trick and all the
other little swindles that have fallen I'M
der suspicion elsewhere! What place, if
not 10 dream of. to dream in
1t is doubtful If 80 per cent OF the lumber
on innt goes intn hnildlnos
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
A SINGER WHO CAN COOK.

Probably most of the women who are
identified with life behind the footlights
experience occasional longings for a
glimpse OF domestic life. Some of the
more notable are tolerably learned in the
mysteries of the kitchen. and am ng them
is Emma Eames, who. whenever she has a
favorable opportunity, directs her cook
how to prepare favOrite meal. Not long
ago writer for the New York Herald
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
Grammar Up to Date.

Teacher-Parse the sentence "Yucatan
Is peninsula"
Pupil (who never could understand
grammar. anyhow)-Yucatan is a proper
noun, nOm'tive case, second person SingC-
lar"
How do you max that out?"
First person Icatan, second person w.
catan. third person Hecatan; plural. first
person Wecatan, secnnd per"
go to your seat! '-Chicago Tribune.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
Offended Sensib;lities,

Certainly" said the farmers wife to
Meandering Mike. Pm give you your
breakfast"
Thank you, ma'am. fur ever an ever"
suppose" she went on with glance at
the wood pile, that you start in with a
chop"
And he turned haughtily away with a
remark to the effect that nothing was so
offensive to a man of taste as an untimely
and unseemly jest.-Washington Star
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
ARTISTIC DRAPERiES.

Many decorators 40 not hide any of the
carving in the open work above the door
when il is good piece OF work. In sin
gle doorway in certain club the carved
lattice work is left undrared, and only one
portiere IS used in the doorway. This Is
an extra long one of exquisite Persian
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24

role once or twice, according TO the width
Of doorway, one end reaching to the floor,
The other short. The fabric can be wound
so loosely over the pole that the ''sagging'
In the center will form graceful curves.
Double doorways, of course, use two cur
talns, and many are hung in the way men,
toned, coming from the ceiling
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
Fatal EXPERIMENT.

Overheard in streetcar: The doctors
can say what thew please, but l know its
just flynn in the face o. natur' to bring
baby up on bottle. There's Mary Jane
Riley's baby; she tried bringing it up on
milkman's milk and it inst up and died of
water On the brain. Boston Traveller
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
She Didn't Weep.

Ethel-The play was very affecting, you
say?
Clarssa-Extremelv so.
Ethel-Did you cry?
CarisSa-No, but | would have done go
if l hadn't forgotten my pocket handker-
chief.-New York Press.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
They Are Not Built That Wa,

w nat do you think of that artist who
painted cobwebS on his ceiling so truth.
fully that the servant-girl wore herself into
an attack of nervous prostration trying to
sweep them down?
There may have been such an artist.
but never such servant-girl.-Spare
Moments.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24
SAFE and EXPERT TREATMENT.

Is absolutely necessary in
order to insure perfect
success in the treatment
OF facial blemiShes by
the electric needle oper-
alton. We make a spe-
cialty of such emishes
as S U 7 Fl F L UOU s
HAIR ON THE FEMALE
FACE. HAIR ON MEN
CHEERS ABOVE THE
Is E A r ID LINE and
wherever annoying or
uns Eghtly, and guarantee
a permanent and painless
cure at reasonable rates.
MOLES. WARTS, RED
n o ) E. ENLARGED
VEINS OF THE NOSE
INDIA INK MARKS.
= . w ID Ell MARKS.
The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-12-24

pattern. one long end hanging to the floor.
the other loosely wrapped over the rod and
falling about twenty inches down on the
opposite side.
over many single doors are used only
one curtain, the material bought by the
yard and the fringe sewed on. No rings
are used. The rod is put on inside the
doorways. with space above sufficient to