The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-01-17
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
The Editor Declares That He Will Have
No More Innovations.

NO More
copyright, 1892, by Charles B. Lewis
No MORE INNOVATIONS. his
honor the a (who is-ourselD first
occupied his official desk in the city
hall he used a revolver as a paper
weight, and things we're running along
in a smooth and gentle way when the
mayor of Buff >lo happened out this
way. The paperweight attracted his
attention, and he read us a moral lee
ture. He thought there was q certain
abandon about the matter incompatible
with the dignity of the Office. We
took the advice of a tenderfOOt for the
first time in five years and rep.aced
the } y liver with a piece Of quartz
silvaI. The other day, as we were pre-
pairing a veto, a stranger walked IN
aud covered US with his gun. He was
a slow going chap, and had our old
p~aperweight been in place we could
have got the drop on him. As il VAS,
he covered US and proceeded to make
us eat dirt. No one happened TO come
in, and for ten minutes he obliged Us to
call ourself a thief, liar, swindler, dead
beat and a heap OF other unpleasant
things. What grieved us more than
all else was to be forced to declare that
the K:n2;cr had only one fourth the
circulation Of it's wretched contempt
rary, and that we stood in bodily fear
of the postmaster of this town. When
the fellow had fooled with US to his
hearts content he backed cut, ran
down stairs and galloped out of town.
We hunted for hum of course, but he
was not to be found, and it brings tears
to our eyes to think we may never G
him again. Our revolver has been re
stored to its place Is a ~paperweight
We shall steer clear Of any further
Innovations. If the mayor of Cleve-
land or Cincinnati or ST. Louis hap
pens along here and doesn't like the
looks of things it will M IKE no differ
ence to us. We don't propose to crop
80 per cent. of our dignity with a dull
thud just because those eastern mayors
fan to understand us as a people.
ONE OF JOsEPH's Jokes. Last week
we received through the mail q copy
of the Kicker which had been sent to
Joe. Taylor, of Duck Lake, as a sample
copy of the literary fruits grown in this
neighborhood. Joseph used the margin
and a lead pencil to tell us to go to a
much hotter cline than this. We Of
course mounted our mule and rode
over t Q solicit an interview. Joseph
saw US when we we're yet a mile away,
and mounting his mule he bOlted for
Grass Valley. We overhauled him at
Turkey Creek, however, and gave him
sixty seconds in which to explain nat
ters. He is a very rapid speaker, and
in less than half a minute had not only
squared himself but handed over four
dollars in cash for two subscriptions,
one of which goes to his aged father in
Connecticut. Joseph had simply been
Joking us in returning the sample copy.
He has a great deal of hUmor in his
composition, and sometimes he feels
so funny that he does strange things.
He had no idea that hls action would
strike us seriously, but expected we
would be tickled half K death. We
are somewhat given to fun, but when
a man returns a sample copy of our
paper we can't see the joke. We don't
say that we expect everybody to regard
the Kicker as the greatest family news
paper on earth, but it might as we'll be
understood right here and now that
under certain circumstances we shall