Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1893-03-17
Baldhcadedncss.

The subject that intend to write on is
one that has been put forth to me time and
sgain, anG never given very satisfactory an
swers. willtry and write a few words on
the subject. In regard to the weapons OF
argument is one that has set the doctors,
who only write in disagreement cudgel-
ling their brains since the days when Is
eulapius first discovered thai Brandreth's :
Pills would not draw together broken
skull.
1t is bald headed men will first consid-
er. 'fWhat produces baldnessf'
Men with red headed wives and still
redder tempers, assert that badness Is caus-
ed by friction on the capital organs caus-
ed by sleeping in an undersized bedstead.
Yet have inspected the sleeping apart
ments of married men subject to premature
badness, and | find, as a rule, that
| the bedsteads are all considerably longer
than the ones that sleep in them So the
short bedstead theory for baldheadedness
IS thus exploded whatever may be the in
| ducing cause, we know that baldheaded-
ness exists and young men who take q
pride in their long and flowing locks are
rather timid about getting married | have
seen young man with a head of hair like
the Apostle of Aestheticism, Oscar Wilde
marry a female angel, who appeared tC
be but feather weight, and after bel nj
around with the boysone night after th'
honeymoon was over, go down tow
next day withahesd as destitute of hair a
billiard ball.
Yet there are some men and married
men, too who adhere to tie short bedstea'
theory. Now as extreme height Of fore
head denotes intellectually the balheade'
man must be pre-eminently intellectual.
You have all heard of the little boy
story of his grandfathers foreheard. Fl
said it commenced at his eyebrows and e1
tended to the back of his neck.
Tis' this superabundant love of natur
that makes the venerable baldheaded gen
tleman take front orchestra chair whel
the female minstrels are in town. The bald
headed man is a student of anatomy, an
when the ladies of the ballet appear i
spangles and tights, he takes the oppoI
tunity to study it.
There are those evil minded people wh
say that he comes to win the guileles
maidens cart BY throwing her bi
bouquets with little scented notes in then
But then they are evil minded that thin
this and imagine the baldheaded men tC
be the same.
While talking of baldheaded men, it r'
minds me of some of the remedies ft
, badness. l read of a remedy costing bt
dollar that if you'd rub into the hand
of a broom, in less than two days shea
OF straw grew on it.
| read OF young married man that trle
a bottle. After three weeks, straw begs
, to grow instead of hair, and now when b
wife wants to sweep the house, she turl
him upsi edown and uses him for broom
Alter that came to the conclusion it vi
/. better to hear the evils of baldheadedne
than rush to the patient madeleine ma
(Walker.)
Although enjoying very extensive a
qualn lance among baldheaded men, haS
yet failed to see baldheaded woman.
suppose it is because the fair sex belong
to the Whig Party, and if they can
wear their own hair, they can frizz al
bang somebody elses, thus proving III
women fall heir to more privileges ths
men.
Yet they ak of woman's rights. Now
> think when it comes to rights, us po
. able bodied men are lett.
. If it were not for the interfereL ce of Il
; society for the prevention of cruelty
n blonde haired Chinsman, could il Il
y Constitution would allow it, torture "
e with this subject until you grew baldhea
ed. So l will perorate by saying, bal
headed men are entirely destitute of hai
C. Flick,