Connecticut western news., 1893-01-19
MERRY CHRISTMAS IN THE AIR,
A Club Man Who Thinks It Costs a Good
 

A Club Man Who Thinks 1t Costs a Good
 Deal to Give That Greeting.
 Old Marley may or may not be as dead as a doornail, but this is not 8 Christmas carol. And yet it happens to be about Christmas. There were lot of young men in various indolent attitudes about the loafng room of Fifth avenue club. They all belonged to class of young men who frequent the clubs for the req son that they can get there month and fifteen days credit for what they eat, drink and smoke, and thus are enabled to live month and half ahead of their incomes. The oldest member of the group was reading one of those alleged humorous periodicals which blossom out in the holiday season with fearfully and wonderfully illustrated legends, satirical Christmas stories and pithy maxims of the peace on earth, good will toward men order.
 "The man who wrote that was either chump or har," asserted the reader suddenly, throwing down his paper.
 "What did he writer asked a man who was staring at the embers of the open fire.
 "Why, the Poor Richard, or King Solo man, or Martin Tupper who runs a col umn of aphorisms in his blooming paper says:
 " It doesn't cost any money to wish people merry Christmas
 ''Now that fellow has never lived in New York in about the social rut along which we are grinding, or if he has he's willfully supressing the truth. You fel- lows know as well as I do that it costs money, lots of it, to wish people merry Christmas. Why, without moments reflection any of us could string out 8 long price list of assorted merry Christ mases,' to wit:
 Wishing elevator boy at your apart ment house merry Christmas, from $2 to $5; wishing hall boy ditto, ditto; wish ing washerwoman merry Christmas from $1 up; wishing elevator boy at your office building ditto, ditto; wishing merry Christmas to your office boy, one extra weeks salary; wishing ditto to stenographer, ditto; wishing your waiter at luncheon place merry Christmas, $1; wishing your barber the same, change out of the bill given up for Christ mas shave; wishing merry Christmas to hostler who takes care of your horse, $5; ditto to stable foreman, one box cigars, $2.5O.'
 At every club we enter Christmas list stares us in the face, and the old doorman and the call boys, the coat check boy and the clerk keep one eye on the list and the other on each entering mem Der until he has added his autograph to the growing collection. If fellow goes to a law school or medical school, he finds the janitor waiting in the hall on the last night before the Christmas re- cess with a subscription list tackled up by the door and the gas lighter in his hand as pointer wherewith to call at tention to it. I tell you there's no way for single man in a big city to beat this Christmas game. Talk about the tariff being tax; it's nothing alongside of Christmas. Money talks, and it's the only kind of talk that goes in this merry Christmas business.
 "Of course fellow does get a present from best girl or two occasionally, but he has more than to make it up by return presents direct, or indirectly by flowers, theater tickets, etc. Christmas is awfully one sided. The companies, clients and patients who employ us fellows never wish us merry Christmas in the New York vernacular."
 ''No," said the man who was still star ing dreamily into the fire; 'the only way to get square with the game is to marry, and then your wife will buy your pres ents and have 'em charged to your ac- count"
 And the back log snapped out shower of sparks ill emulation of this brilliant solution of the ,difficulty.-New York Tribune.