St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-06-27


Magazine tor July shows up question
that has been good deal discussed in
the falrest way. 1t is worth thinking
over: Men and women nowadays are
giving a great deal of thought to the
position of the self-supporting woman
after marriage. Her problems are
worked out for her by people who never
earned a penny in their lives, and every
shade and degree of feeling is expatiat-
ed upon by women who have never been
married.
This, of course, shows degree of in
terest intensely pleasing to the self
supporting woman who poses as such
before the public; but the woman who
goes quietly about her daily tasks,
makes both ends meet by steady,
consistent effort, aud says nothing
about it. sometimes wonders just n
little why nobody seems to nave a
thought for the feelings of the man who
marries a girl who has been self-sup-
porting, independent as to pocketOook
and methods, and has that confidence In
herself which must necessarily be ell
gendered by such life.
The man must be a diplomat in very
deed If he will steer things smoothly
and manage his lite happily under
these conditions. OF course, there is
lust one case in hundred where the
wife is worn out with fighting her own
battles. has never enjoyed it anyhow,
and desires nothing more intensely
than to forget her brief period of indie
pendence as soon as possible. In this
case, all the man i'll question has TO do
is to try not to be any more spoiled
than he must by the alteration and pet
ting he is sure to get. But these cases
are rare The average girl who has
taken care of herself for Il few years
generally feels herself, and probably is
entirely competent TO give counsel and
advice to her husband in the con-
duet of his affairs, and he won't like
it, no matter how much he loves her.
1t will be very hard for him 10 ex-
plain his reasons for following out his
own plans without at least Implying
something that will keep her eyeashes
damp all the morning and will make
him feel like brute. Suppose there is
not quite enough money in the family
purse, and the wife quite naturally sug-
gests earning some. as she did before
marriage. That will simply cut man
to the heart. He will think himself a
failure, anu DG SuIC liut 10 iiSl OpiilOu'
He will feel as ii lie were living off
the fruit of her labors, and be simply
. frantic if he happens to get home before ,,
she does in the evening. He will feel
ashamed to tell of any misfortune i'll his
business, rs If that would act as spur
and incite her TO new eXertionS. Or. II
he does not consent TO her continuing
her employment, lie will feel miserable
every time he has to deny her anything,
as if he were selfIshlv keeping her home
with him, and depriying her Of the right ,
to at least strive for the coveted luxury.
Perhaps the wife keeDs on writing or
teaching, or whatever she has been do
ing. She cannot be as much at liberty
to look after home matters as If she had
given up outdoor work, and the man
has yet TO be born who can be happy,
loving and contented in poorly-nlan-
and the parlor curtains dirty and hang
ing awrv.
Men are apt to express their opinions
In nervous English upon matters that
women go up stairs and cry over. and,
OF course, they are pitched into by the
Wife's relations for so doing. But for-
give me, sisters of the clamorlng variety
men are really eXcusable for wanting
things to suit them at hom,, and if they
are topsy-turyy because the wife Is as
busy earning money as the husband,
the matter is only more miserable, not
only for her, but for him, because he
will realize the unnatural conditions
which have produced the state OF affairs
even more than She herself.
The question Of a MANS or woman's
superiority is small one compared 10
the problem that confrontS man who
cnlf-cnnnOrtlnp A
man is happiest when his wife looks up
to him ms a marvel of cleyernesS and
skill, and no woman can honestly do
that if she feels fully able to paddle her
own canoe. lie loyeS-and tits his IA
ture toto feel a little like a Grand
Mogul. and hestow favors, even when
he gives his wife her weekly houSekeep-
ing money, and that is denied him If he
knows. or even in his sensltiveness sus-
poets. that she holds herself fully able
to do as much for him. There is not
anv immediate remedy for this. The
feeling must gradually wear OIL. The
husband has need OF great tact during
the process, but not half SO much as
the wife. She must be very quick to
see where she must eliminate many
a little turn of phrase or allusion
he laughed at before marriage, but
which would hurt cruelty now. Little
independent ways, which "ere dainty
and alluring then, are singing now,
and must be buried deep, or the capac-
ity for self-support, which was her
firm foundation in girlhood. will ship
wreck her welded happiness.
OF course, there are exceptional cases.
know of a very few, where husband
and wife work on together, in Godlike
harmony; where each one helps the
other, frankly and freely; where the
husband in his strength furnishes the
firm foundation, and the wife's lighter
touch plays all about and over this, fill
ing in the little chinks, and producing
the harmony and beauty which would
be nothing without the underlying
solidity. This is the ideal marriage,
where each is dependent on the other;
where there is no question of mine and
thine; where the admiration of each for
each as business partners is as strong as
their love, and where that love and that
mutual dependence makes such things
possible as neither could dream Of alone.