The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1893-10-28

'dearr"
because it makes me feel so cheap.
PUCK.
CLASS ~ GRAMMAR.
Teacher-Parse the sentence, "Yuca.
tan is peninsula"
Pupil (who never could understand
grammar, anyhow -Yucatan is proper
noun, nom'tiye case, second person sing
| ular-
"How do you make that outi"
First person lcatan, second person
Yucatan, third person Hecatan; plural,
first person, Wecatan; second per
"Go to your seat!"-lChicago Tribune.
LIKE TWO PEAS.
Hicks Speaking of the Foglesby
twins, are they really so much alike
Wicks-Yes indeed; when one Of
them lies, the other will swear to it
! Boston Transcript.
CASE IN POINT.
A late Judge, whose personal appear
ance was as unpreposessing as his legal
knowledge was profound and his intel
lect keen, interrupted female witness.
|
What do you mean by that?" said he.
"Well your honor" replied the wo-
man, IL don't know how to explain it
exactly but If girl called you hand
some man, she would be humbugging
you"
TOUGH ALREADY.
"Well. Willie, how did you like itl"
asked the fond mamma, when her angel
child returned from his first day at the
public school.
"Bullyw calculated the cherub, with
new light in his eyes. "But, say, don't
call me Willie, my names Bill. y De-
troit Tribune.
4 SOFT PLACE.
Tramp Say, boss, don't yer want ter
hire man.
Farmer-Wal, | dunno; | s'pose
might use you as scarecrow.
Tramp--Thank yer, boss. That's the
first encouraging word I've had since
money went up ter premium In New
York; Boston Transcript.
LARGE FIGURE.
81 understand Philpotts is a large
figure in local politics?"
You bet. Philpotts weighs 324
pounds. - Chicago Record.
LIE IN WEIGHT.
Boxer-Who do you think are the
champion light weights Of America
Sparer-CoaI dealers. / Harlem Life
AMBIGUOUS.
Screeder Don't you think my literary
distinctly originate
Suarler-Certainly nobody ever wrote
in that style before. Judy.
HIS REASON
"Why do you cut up such antics
when you feed your turkeys, Mr.. Far
merp
"Oh! I'm trying to make game of
them. w Washington Star.
a HOME REMEDY.
What ails yee, sirl"
"My conscience is troubling me, Bird
get"
"Why not put linseed poultice on
it, sir, that niver fails to cure. - lIar-
lem life.
CRYING FOR HELP.
"NNhat is the idea in calling consul
tations of physicians"
"Oh that's when the doctor, who
originally took the case, can't think of
any more excuses to give to the family" p"
= detroit Tribune.
PLACE TO sHUN.
IIe-I like the room, and perhaps I'll
hire it, but hope no one in the house
plays the piano.
Landlady Only my youngest daugh-
ter, ana she is only just beginning -
Fliegende Batter.
MONEY GOING ABROAD.
MY wife has an absolute genius for
making money GO n long way, especially
in the matter of dress
"Indeed!"
Yes; she buys all her gowns in Paris
now, Detroit Tribune.
NOT ENCOURAGING.
Nervous passenger-Wby are you
steamng along at such fearful rate
through this fog
Ocean Captain Geassuringly)-Fogs
are very dangerous, madam; and l am
always in u hurry to get out of them
Tit-Bits.
SELF. SATISFIED.
Figg-What! you don't call huffman
III opinionated man!
Fogg--I consider huffman, as the
world goes, a fair minded fellow. He is
never biased in favor of other peoples
opinions and he is entirely devoid of
prejudice against his own convictions
Boston Transcript.
n..o. p~tlal lau.s.