The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1893-01-13
CHAUNCEY'S CHESTNUTS.
SOME OF THE STORIES TOLD BY
VERSATILE Mr.. DEPBW.

Cbsuncey III. Depew is properly con-
sidered the great New York joke foundry.
Some people account for Mr.. Depee's
marvellous fund of stories by the fact
that the crowds of daily visitors TO the
Grand Central station bring grist to his
mill, and that, as he has splendid mem
ory, when he hears good story he puts
it In q mental pigeon hole to be taken out
and used at an appropriate time That Is
to a certain extent true. Then again,
many OF his stories arise from incidents
that happen in the Office. on the street, in
the railway train, anywhere. He takes
liberties with the incidents when he frames
them into storiss. He embellishes them and
exnRgerates them. Some OF his stories are
pure and deliberate inventions. Some are
inspirations-numerou hctions concocted
while on his feet addressing an assemblage
He invests them with such an air Of proba-
up at Peekskill," that men have come TO
him and said: II remember first rate when
that happened. I was living next door to
the man you tell 10 off,
"You have a wonderful memory, ;" said
Mr. Depew. with a grave face. And then
perhaps he thinks: We liars must stand
by one another" and holds his peace.
The first story with which Mr.. Depew
made a public hit was one he originated
wnen he was Y ale student. Since be first
told it, thirty years ago, it has been often
repeated, has been appropriated by other
people who had no right to it, and has
indeed. like many other stories that be
invented, become common property. Ii it
were to be told in public Tomorrow it
uAtvl6 ha nh "A
nobody would think of giving credit for It
10 it's originator and original teller. Mr.
Depew placed the scene not in Peekskill
but in fishing community where the eel
industry hourishes and the most success
full kinds Of eel-pots are regarded with high
favor. The story was designed as joke on
the poor Democratic party, that Mr..
Depew has tbeen hammeEing away at these
many years. IL was intended to illustrate
the Democratic party in the position of
claiming voters aud allegiance simply be-
cause it is the Democratic party, 81 am q
democrat" and on the record of Gen. Jack
son.
Here Is the story of the afflicted widow and
the consoling cells:
The wife OF a fisherman was approached
one day by his fellow workers with state
ment that her husband bad been drowned.
Her grief was inconsolable and her espair
was heard throughout the whole village.
She went into commissions. Next day they
came to her again with TIE somewhat ale
WAITING announcement that the body had
been found; "but, " they said. "its condition
10 dreadful" Nv ell" she said, tell me the
worst" swell" said they, madam, he is
covered with esls." Covered with eels?"
Eyes, madam. we hated to tell you, but it
Is true. He is covered with cells" "Well,
said the widow, drying her tears, ''set him
again.
Another story that has gone alf over the
country was first told by Mr.. Depew when
he was pitching into the democrats and ac-
cusing them Of constantly changing their
position on the currency question and on
the tariff Issue. It is about spotted coach
dog that wouldn's wash.
The husband of a lady In Peekskill got
rich In the foundry business, having been
previously a molder. So the wife set up a
carriage Some one told her she ought to
have a coach dog, other wise the establish
ment would not be complete. So she came
70 dog fancier In New York aud bought
o nice spotted coach dog. A week or so
afterward she was out one day and
got caught in a tremendous rain storm,
which washed all the spots OFF the dog. In
great fury she went back with the dog to
the dog merchant and aid:"You scoundrell
Why did you cheat me by selling me this
dog as a coach dog~
Said he, "It's all right, madam. did not
cheat you. He is a coach dog, but there is
an umbrella goes with him, which forgot
Mr.. Depew prepared a story to illustrate
the republican idea of the democratic posi-
ton, and told 1t with great success. Here
Ii is:
The teacher of the district school up at
Peekskill called up the three brightest boys
in his class one day and said:
.'Tom, you are republican" YES,
SIR"
"And Jim, you are a prohibitioniss3"
"Yes, SIR"
sand Sam, you are democratY "Yes,
SIR"
well, now. the one of you that can give
me the best reason why he belongs to his
party can have this woodchuck / caught on
my way to school this morning. Now, Tom.
why are you a republican, "l am a re-
publican" said the boy, because the re-
publican party saved the country in this
war, abolished slavery and brought about
the resumption OF specie payments and has
done everything for the good OF the coun-
try
~ am q prohibitionist," said the prohlbi-
tion boy glibly, because rum is filing the
1ails and filling the poor houses, and ulti-
uuately 10 will ruin the country, and II we
could have prohibition we would not need
any prison or poor house. Everybody
would be well off.
That lie good reason )" said the teacher.
Now, what is the reason you are DEM
oorat, SamP' 49,.
well, sir" was the reply, 81 am dem
ocrat because want the woodchuck."
Eli Perkins attributes the following story
to Mr.. Depew. He says he once gos talking
with Depew about the subject of supply
and demand. He asked the president of the
Central IL an Instance had ever occurred
when the price of an article did not depend
on supply and demand. Mr.. Depew said:
well, the other day l stepped up to a
German butcher. and out Of curiosity asked {:
What is the price Of saUsages?
Twenty cends pound he said.
GU asked rs cents this morning. re"
Piled.
'''Ya Dot was when l had some. Now
ain'd got none sells 'em for dwenty cents
Dot makes me q reputation for selling cheap
und don'd lose holdings
"You see did not want any sausage and
the man did not have any. There was no
demand and no supply aud still the price OF
sausage went down.