The Russellville Democrat., 1893-10-05
ALL SORTS.

"Poor Jackson suffers like time from in somnia." "Hnmphi He needn't; he has his remedy at his tongues end "How's thatf'' If he'd talk to himself the way he does to me he'd go to sleep in a min ute. '-Harpers Bazar.
 Poet-And what did the professor say to my tragedy Professors Wife (somewhat embarrassed Jon, well-he gas, in short speeches.. Poet-Speeehlessf What does that meant Professors Wife Sir, it means good deal for man who can speak seven languages. Bits.
 In Chicago: Wife (nervously)- Do you think, dear, the cholera will visit us this year4 Husbaad-I wouldn't be at all sur prised. Everybody else we ever heard of has visited us, and why not eholersf Wife (brightening) That's so. l hadn't thought of that. 1 guess we can stand it. Detroit Free Press.
 Ruggles (meeting him after many years) How are you, McPelil Still running a meat marketf MePelt-No, Ruggles, made dead failure at butchering. l gness it wasn' in me. Sorry to hear it. What are you doing nowfn "Oh, I'm doing we'll enough. I am practicing medicine. I'm the only doctor there is in the place. Chicago Tribune.
 Donald Ian Amerieanized Seotehman, to his cousin Sandy, newly arrived) Sandy, me boy, and what will ye have for your breakfast the morningf Ssndy-0atmeal. Donald-And what for dinnerY Sandy Oatmeal Donald--But what for supparf 5andy-O Oatmeal DonaId-And what else will you have besides oatmeall Sandy Losk mon alive, is there onything elsef- Boston Courier
 Uncle George-Instead of wearing dia- monGs, don't you thirk it would se more becoming to pay your tailor billsi Harry But if paid my tailor bills how could l afford to wear diamondsf And if people didn buy diamonds what would keep the diamond merchants from starving to deathf Uncle George you don't pay for your diamonds either Harry-Ahl now you are wandering from the point.-Boston Transcript.
 Bennie's father had been telling him the story of George Washington and the cherry tree, and Bennie was much impressed. 4 few days later Bonnie came into his fa- thers presence eating a cooky. Said the father: 'fWho gave you that eooky, my boyf' "I took it myself" said Bennie, taking another bite. 'FTook it yourselff Why, didn't tell you never to help your self to cookiesT' "Why, father, thought you rather lose thousand cookies than for me to tell liel'-Harper's Young People.
 'drhat is a picture of the old Puritans going to church, Robby," said Mir. Norris, impressiyely. Here you see them tramp ing through the snow in single file, every man with his gun thrown over his shoul- der, ready for instant use in case of an attack" "What did they have to carry guns forF" asked Robby, with interest. ''To keep of the Indians" replied Mir. Norris. That is the kind of men that built up this country. Not the bitterest cold, nor the heaviest snow, nor the fact that they went in extreme peril of their liSes, cluld prevent them from performing their religious duties Just think of our sturdy, pious forefathers when you don't feel like going to church, and remember the hardships they endured to enjoy the privilege of worshiping on Sunday, privi- iege which l am afraid you are inclined to hold teo lightly" "Pooh!" observed Rob- by. "Id go to church every day in the week if l could get a shot at an Indian on the way. ."-Harper' Drawer.