Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-30

The waterlng-place girl says that
when the squeeze" is over in Wall
street she hopes it will come her
way.-Florida Times-Union.
He-'I beg your pardon, but |
never can get your name" She
(naively)-"No? Then possibly
| might get yours. "-Godey's
"Fractional currency is getting
fearfully scarce" You're right;
| saw man just now who could't
even change his mind. Atlanta
Constitution.
"Chollie has developed great
amount of muscle lately" III wv
do you know" III saw him hold
his straw hat without any help
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Tommy-"My father is in the
butcher business. What business
is your'n in?" Sammy-"My faith
er don't have to follow any business.
He's an alderman" Chicago Tri-
bune.
Parent.-Do you consider my son
a promising pupil, Mr.. Birch?
Mr.. Birch.-Yes. He has been
promising me every day for year
past that he would have better les
sons.-Ex.
"What makes the weather SO un-
certain?' said the man with his
coat buttoned up to his chin. 81
guess the thermometer must have
taken ardrop to much, replied his
friend with a shiyer. - Washington
Star.
81 have sure way of getting
mosquitoes out of room" said the
melancholy man at the seaside
boading house. "How do you do
it?" asked several people at once.
II 60 out of doors myself" he re-
piled. Washington Star.
"Well, Mollie," said her papa,
who is "a militia colonel, did you
see me marching up Broadway to-
day?" "Yeth," said Mollie, land |
was real mad, papa. They might
have let you have drum to play on
like those others had. "-Harper's
Bazar.
Mamma-"lf you eat any more
of that pudding, Tommy, you will
see the bogie-man tonight" Tom
my (after a moments thought)-|
"Well, give me some more. |
might as well settle my mind about
the truth of the story once for all"
-Tid-Bits.
"Oh, that must be too lovely for
anything" said Hortensia, when
she read an account of a stage rob-
berry in the far west. Lovely to
robbed?" asked Uncle John.
Lovely to be held up" said Hor-
tensia, with a roseate blush.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Old Bullion Con his death bed ,
"All my property is willed to you,
but ! am afraid my children by my
first wife will make contest and
then the lawyers will get it"
Young wife-"Don't worry, my
love; | can easily fix that. III
marry one of the lawyers. New
York Weekly,
Little Johnny.-Mrs. Takeme-
down paid big compliment to me
to-day.
Mother.--Did she really? Well,
there's no denying that woman has
sense. What did she sayp
Little Johnny.-She said she
didn't see how you came to have
such nice little boy as | am.--Ex.
Teacher This drawing is excel
lent. Did you do it all yourself?
Small Pupil Nom; Johnny
Smart drew it for me, but | did the
shading.
Teacher.-The shading is remark
ably well done.
Small Pupil.-Yes'm. ! held a
book up to keep the sun from shin
ing in Johnny's eyes.
"Miss Figg," began the young
man, ~ have so long been hum
bic adorer at your shrine that feel
that the time has come-has arriv-
ed, might say-for me to tell you
of the hopes I-of how your--ah-
angelic character, your dazzling
beauty"
IF you really love me" answered
the maiden, don't you think all
|
that grandstand play might as well
be dispensed with ?"-Indianapolis
Journal.