The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-03-20
HIS Welded WOES.
Trials and TribuIations of
j. Garret.
HOW FRIENDS GOT EVEN.
Butchers, Beggars, Undertakers and
Messengers Made His Life Bur-
den on His Marriage Night.
HOW FRIENDS GOT EVEN

Jack Garrett was married over in Oak
land last week.
Jack thought he was going to do the
thing up in nice quiet little way of his
own, but his way was not to be strewn with
the prOverbial rice and roses.
A young friend of the groom happened
to be looking over the records OF the county
OF Alameda and the first thing that met his
gaze was the freshly made record of the
contract whereby Jack Garrett and Matte
Goodman were made man and wife.
Hurrying to this city the friend found that
the couple had prepared things ere they
embarked on the troubled sea of matrimony.
Jack had quietly rented aud furnished a
fiat on Howard street, and there he and his
bride repaired on their return from the burg
across the bay.
Jacks friend was little nettled because
he had not been made aware Of the APP
preaching ceremony and when he met Jack
on Market street he rOundly uDbraided him
for his apparent lack of friendship.
OF course Jack told where lie lived and
invited his chum to call.
Did he call?
Well, no, and it is doubtful il he will
now.
Taking two intimates into his confidence
the chum OF late benedict unlolded a
plan Of action calculated 10 make him even
Tor the neglect.
Along about II o'clock on Thursday night
the do0rbell of the HOward-street fiat
pealed forth joyous strain. indicative Of
the good will OF the ringer and "a present"
as MIS- Garrett vOntured to suggest.
Jack went 10 the door. 1t was mes
senger-boy lnquiring il Jack had called
boy"
You must be mistaken" said Jack. II
called no boy"
The boy departed. In ten minutes another
ring came, and with it another messenger.
Then came in succession ten or twelve
boys, all asking. did you ring?"
Jack was commencing to get warm, and
the air, as he assembled the stairway, saYOred
decidedly OF sulphur.
Then came a tiny tinkle OF the bell, scarce
audible. That must be woman,' said
Jack.
But it wasn't. 1t was only the undertaken
looking for corpse.
While he stood arguing his ability to
better care for a CORPSE than any of his enc
mics, two more of the latter-named gentle
men appeared and free fight was only
averted when the mistress of the house ap-
peared at the front window, saying that
some one WAS knocking at the back door,
and she was afraid.
This announcement brought Jack TO her
rescue. he leaving the undeit takers stand
ing on the sidewalk.
AT the hack door stood ragged speci-
men of humanity no conveyed the startling
Information that he was told to come up
and help himself TO whatever he could get
10 ear.
Jack kicked him downstairs, and then
went to the front door and threatened to
give the undertakeTs work upon their own
carcasses unless they scampered.
Next came two policemen, "huntiu' fur
throublt," as one of them said.
mo trouble here" said Jack,
but tnOt won't do, me lad" said the
spokesman of the squad. I'VE want that
fellow. so YOU might as we'll let us in
Poor Jack had to consent to having his
police departed, saying they would no
doubt be com PEELED to call again.
Two more meSSenger-bOys called during
the night. but Jack had gone to sleep.
lie aid not siumber long when up came a
milk wagon. stopping before the door, and
a big-footed milkman tramped up the
stairs. He left quart of milk. Another
came likewise, leaving a bottle OF milk
Then came baker with a loaf of bread.
All tramped up The stairway with dull,
sickenIng thuds common to mlkmen and
bakers IN the early morning hours.
Three morning papers were left al the
door and when poor Jack got up il was only
10 receive the butcher with IA little package
of meat. Seven other butchers came during
the morning and then Jack threw up HIS
hands.
= The next call was from an rxpressman,
asking If Jack did not want to move.
DO want to move? Well, you Just get
to work and get me out OF this house as
quick as you can. Where am l going to?
l don't know and don't care. Take the
the things to my mOther-in-law's and tell
her her daughter sent Them and Jack
rushed off downtown.
Here he met his chum, who inquired il he
liked married life.
Come in. Whatll you take ?" said Jack.