The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-10-29


great amount OF ayoirdUpois. The fellow
that laughs frequently and heartily is
almost always good, jolly companionshlp.
Who would be the president Of the organ
ization? Why, Uncle Billy Cullingworth.
of course Every body knows Uncle
Billy. the hero Of pium-pudding fame.
He mas the first requisite-he is fat Then
he's good natured, and every body likes
him. For vice-president, my old friend
and former preceptOr, Professor Bennett
Purvear. Of Richmond College, would fill
the chair in two respects. His spherical
exterior Is only exceeded by the terse,
funny Illustrations with which he is wont
to sandwich strange chemical experiments.
Then there's Sergeant Thomas, OF the
Police Court, who has all the requisites
for secretary. He wouldn't have 10 do
much electioneering TO get himself nomi-
mated by acclamation The Sergeant's
tailor, when cutting out pair Of trousers
for his genial customer, always allows
from two 10 five inches space for laughter,
which the Sergeant seems to enjoy more
than a small boy his first stick OF molas-
ses-candy; and when he shakes his sides
at a ludicrOus joke his laughter is strik-
ingly contagious. For treasurer Of the
organization Mr.. George Mountcastle
would go in on the first ballot. A good
Joke is told on Mr.. Mountcastle. lie used
TO attend regularly Baptist church In
the West End. For two or three sun
days during the heated season the pastor
missed his spherical hearer and went TO
him 10 know why ne dldnt come to the
sanctuary as before
"Veu. YOU see" said the former church
goer. "the weather is so hot now,
thought l would wait till it got cooler.
I hone YOU haven't missed me much|
"Oh. YES 1 have" replied the preacher.
Il miss YOU more than any man in my
congregation"
''yVhy so?" asked the fat man, shaking
bis sides like bowl Of jelly in the win
ter time. Am l very close listener?
"Wen, not particularly So" said the
minister: "but when you are absent
there's so much space made vacant"
Now. think Of the jolly good natured
fat men that could be asked 10 join the
club There's Deputy Treasurer Jeter, Of
Henrico, who weighs something Ike 300
pounds any time you put him on the
scales. and never was I'm bad humor
I'm his life. Then there's Colonel Il. Il.
Macon. Of Manchester, who viii tell many
a sIde-splitting joke IN the House OF
Delegates this winter, and John ). Har-
wood, who always greets you with
smile. He will also occupy big chair In
the House this winter. Judge Flournoy
who knows everybody. and enjoys
good Joke as though il were manufactured
for his special benefit, would make
valuable acquisition TO the cluD' Inc
Tudge is a capital anecdotist. He has
been known TO make many man weep
copfously with laughter, and II is SAID
stored I'D I'm his productive memory, ana
never fails 10 make the proper application
Of them when on the Hastings. our
honored Chief Executive, though not quite
so oval as some others, would, OF course
be invited to grace the meetings with
his presence; for he can tell an anecdote
like a connoisseur, and has rlch supply
"a choose from. But the number IS TOO
numerous to mention. There are senator
T,ovenstcin. Judge Sam witt Councilman
TAYLOR Stratton, and host or others.
The Fat Mans Club could easily get
fifty whoie-souled, loyal, jolly Democrats
TO start out with, and then when MI
Cleveland pays us a social Vislt' fHE
Lee. Paul Edmunds and a numpeI Vi
others might be invited down TO help
make the President feel enurely al NOME.
titles as princess" "Duchesse," 'Coun-
tess" and the like tackled on 10 their
names proper as a sort Of ornamental
Introduction is getting 10 be serious
matter. I verify believe some sltls "oulI
march down the aisle with title, II IL
wasn't accompanied by anything Dut
nair of trousers. Sort Of a general mania
among the weaker sex Think how much
"Foreign Exchange" these days on the
part Of bankrupt European titled indiVl-
duals who spend all their aVallaple Iuhus
on the roulette tables, and then pawn
their coronets to American beauties with
no hope OF redeeming the treasures btt
1 know OF at least one little helreSs WIN
got left. "Tis only a little story
She was a little spicy
She was;
And just a little icy,
She was.
Some little words she spoke
Some little hearts she broke,
As though II were joke,
Indeed she did.
She swore a little oath,
She did,
She wouldn't plight her troth,
She did.
To a man without title,
For her vanity was vital,
She was proud OF fame a little
Indeed she was.
By little brook she stood,
She did,
Looking tempting as she could,
She did;
A Prince. a naughty doer,
Came and felgned TO tumble TO her"
And at once began TO WOO her,
Indeed he did.
He embraced the little maid,
He did,
Stole a kiss or two, and said,
He did
That be loved her tenderly'
And desired TO know If she
His little sweetheart wouldn't De-
Indeed he did.
The little maiden thought she would.
She did;
For she doubted not she could.
She did:
From the moment he had met her.
He was sure he'd ne'er forget her'
Vowed the Prince-he'd see her later
Indeed he would.
She awaited him in vain,
She did,
For he ne'er came back again,
He did;
She frowned, and heaved a sign
And a tear came In ner eye
Twenty Summers gllded by
Indeed they DID
But there's no use going any farther.
You can see for yourself why the little
maid now wears a little friIled cap. and
snardS most m her time knitting. and tell