Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-10-03

al, weighing 200 pounds on the level.
What hair she had lefJ after her Is years q
struggling with deceittUl world had been
dyed the color OF an old bootleg. Her nose
had been broken. she was cross eyed. and
the loving hand she extended Us would
have almost covered one page OF The KICK
EE. We had been reliably informed that
the widow had s. 200 in cash behind her.
and 300 in the hands Of an enterpriSing
Arizona editor means millions, but we
couldn't grasp the golden opportunity. In
tact, we suffered 2 full sized collapse. and
4 was only 10y superhUman effort that
we could welcome her to this fair territory
and hope thar under our sunny skies and
oracing atmo>Q here she would soon pickup
another hundred pounds Of solid fat
The interview didn't last over Is min
utes, and we are ready to make affidavit
that we never even smiled a loving smile.
We went over to the hotel and went to bed.
kicking ourselves for the trouble we had
gone to, but had not been asleep two hours
when the landlord woke Us up and advised
Us to skip. The widow had fully expected
"A proposal from Us. She was disappointed
and cEagrined and wanted revenge She
told her hro.her-in-law, who appears to be
a Cr.Jter without sense enough to twist a
bears tail, that we had proposed marriage
and then crawfished. He scurried around
and got 4 lot of other critters to back him,
and about the time we got ont of the tav-
ern and on the back Of our mule mob. Of
- men thirSted for our gore.
After getting three bullets through our
hat and being CraZed by two more. we got
ont Of Jhat town by jumping our mule overa
seven foot wall. About half the mob mount
ed and pursued. and for q distance Of about
six miles il WAS question OF whether THE
KICKER would ever beissucd again or come
out this fall enlarged and improved and in
every way the best family paper To be had
for the price in America. Inch by inch our
mule gained on IL. He is essentially an up
hill muic-iaaJ j., he lets ont an extra
link in ascending a grade. and this fact
saved us. We were fired upon about 80
times. bat fortunately not hit. Durir- the
last ID miles cf our journey L0mpulrd we
had To walk and lead our played uat mule.
We reached our haven of rest Uuhurj but
thoroughly d.SurEalized. Our loving autic-
ipation~ when r-e set ont. orr bitter dis
appointment when we r.-t IT, widow. our
sudden awakening Gnt buried fijGht-aIl
these things upset OR balance and nearly
wrecked Us.
The hardest ,-.r@ Of all Is that we have
lost orr faith in wamauEiHd- Never AGAIN
never Is long rs providence permits Us TO
inha5it the uiJed Stctes-sAIll we enter
tain for them that feeling oc veueration
which always compelled Us 10 lift our hat
when we saw wood CIT Of Lydia Pink
ham in any Of our exchanges. If the hand
soonest widow in America, having a car
load Of $50 bills behind her. should walk
into this office tomorrow and say, ~Take
me for thine own, we should frigidly re-
Tlv 20 ont false remit lev
I'VE are still suffering from the mental
shock, but will probably be all right in
day or two more, and our subscribers may
look for the next issueos THE KICKER to be
redhot. There i some talk that the Wild
ow's brOtber-in-law is coming over here to
demand an apology. # he comes, our next
week 5 paper viii contain full particulars
OF his death and burial.