The Olneyville tribune. (Providence, R.I.) 1893-189?, 1893-09-02
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS. ~

The ReasOn-Its Distinction-A Good
-Circumscrib ed-A Safer
way-A Surprise, Etc, Etc.
A GOOD FOUNDATION.
Foreign Waiter-Your American So
ciety has no old castles with haunted
rooms.
American Girl-N-o, we haven't, /
admit; but (brightening) we have plenty
of scsndals.-lNew York Weekly.
CIRCUMsC RIBED.
Bank Cashier-You can't have q new
dress until the times get better.
His Wife-Are we so poor az thati
Bank Cashier-Yes. Nobody has
made deposit for two weeks, and
it took the last currency in the vault TO
pay for your hat Detroit Tribune.
ITS DISTINCTION.
Fair Customer-Why do you charge
30 much more for this gown than for the
otherl
Celebrated Importer lin whisper
Why, you see, this gown was smuggled,
and we paid the ordinary duty on the
other. Makes it much less common
PUCK.
THE REASON.
Jess-What makes that Sears girl act
queerlyl
Bess- She was disappointed in love.
Jess-Why. she has been married six
months.
Bess-Thats il.
SAFER WAY.
"This Worlds Fair carrier pigeon
contest has decided one thing"
"What is thatl"
"Why, that the birds ought not TO be
made to fly. Put 'em in a cage and ship
'em by express. ."--[Chicago Record.
A SURPRISE.
Strawber-Well, old man, want to
congratulate you. l understand that
your engagement is announced.
Singerly (modestly)-Yes, and l am
the happiest man in the world.
Strawber-Of course. And the girl;
she is surprisingly beautiful, and has the
lovelicst disposition imaginable. She
was just born for you, and is the sweet
est, dearest thing in the world.
Singerly-Why, great Scott, old fel-
low, l didn't know that you had ever
met her.-[Truth.
METROPOLITAN MANLINEss.
She lived in the country. and he from
the town for the summer fell desperately
in love with her.
But her heart was in the keeping OF
neighboring farmers son, and she could
not return his metropolitan affection.
She had told him so that night on her
fathers porch, where the honeysuckles
hung low in the moonlight and filed the
air with their luxurious fragrance.
IF you do not marry me" he whis-
pered hoarsely, 81 will drown myself"
"Oh, don't" she pleaded, for her heart
was tender, though another's.
"But l will, l tell you; will, he al
most shouted.
"You mustn't" )" she begged, laying her
soft white hand on his arm, there's no
place wet enough except our well, and
oh, Mr.. Smith, what will we do for drink
ing wsteri" and there was that in her
tone which convinced him that he was
not amphibious y = Detroit Free Press.
UP TO DATE.
.'Yes, SIR" said the sailor, 81 have
seen whale that could swallow boat. "
"Oh, that's nothing" said the dude,
uyhn
swallow schooner. y [Quips.
NOT SMILE.
al saw woman riding bicycle to-
day. She sat up straight as a string"
said Hawkins.
~ never saw string sit up" said
Mrs. Hawkins, $50 l cannot get any
idea as to how that woman sat. VI Har-
pers Bazaar. sAA
so KIND OF HIM.
"who is your physician, Mrs. Ner-
vus2"
"Dr. Killum."
"Do you like himf'
"Oh, so much. He always lets me
have the diseases that prefer.
NOT WILLING TO INTERFERE.
Sightseer Ito Columbian Guard Isn't
that member of the Board of Lady
Managers over there?
The Guard-Can't help it. sir. |
haven't seen her do anything, an
she's off my beat auyway.-lChicago
Record.
WORD FOR HIMSELF.
1.-The man marry must be handsome" !"
she said.
'rm afraid he will not be, he an.
swered.
"Why notr
because very beautiful women usu-
ally marry plain men, New York
Press.
PLENTY To 30.
He had just returned from a more or