The true northerner., 1893-01-04
Scissored smiles.

Scissoreu Smics
THE more LIQUID man puts down
his throat the less chance there seems
to be OF drowning his voice. Yonkcrs
Statesman.
SOME men are born wealthy;
some men are born great;
But all men are kicking
Forever at fate.
No MAN can stand a drain upon
his resources SO well as the farmer,
provided the drain is on wet land
Lowell Courier.
prediction that the comet was going
TO make it hot for us is followed by
snow storm Washington Star.
LITERARY AUNT-Are you fond Of
Crabbe's tales, Edna? Edna don't
know, auntv. I've never eaten them,
but love the meat in Holsters legs.
Truth.
The Maidcn-"Then you find mar
ried life happy?" The Wife-"Yes;
but then | seldom see my husband,
you know. Smith, Gray g. Co.'S
Monthly.
DUKANE-I believe the physician
is right who said cholera is crime.
Gaswell-That accounts for the effort
being made TO arrest it.-Pittsburg
Chronicle.
SATAN-Where does this arrival
hail from? Charon-New York.
Satan-Boil him in oil. We can't
afford to catch the cholera. New
York Herald.
MAMMA-"Why do you put n such
airs over that little girl?" Wee
WOman-"Her mother hasn't got
bought teeth like you has. Street
& Smiths Good News.
DAUBE-Now, Miss Hunter. please
look pleasant: that's it-kecp that
for a moment until | catch it. There.
now you may resume your natural
expression, if you wish.
PATIENT-"Isn't SO rather high for
pulling tooth?" Dentist think
not Fifty cents for extracting and
81 70: gaS." Patient-"One fifty
for gas. So that's why you talk so
much. Texas Siftings.
MoTHER-"Dear me, arc you
through shopping? How did you
manage TO get back 30 sOon?"
Daughter Ga bright gir)-~I told
them to send the change home with
the goods. Street s. Smiths Good
News.
Boy (on bridge)-Say, mister, f
you don't look out you'll be fined.
Teamster-Why will 1? Boy-That
sign says walk your horses" don't
it? Team, ter Jesse. Boy Well,
yours are standing still.-Strect Il
Smiths Good News.
OLD LADY (rcading report of pub
lie dinner)-"SOme of these were
drunk standing" Think of that,
Elizer Jane; so drunk they couldn't
sit down. They must be what them
papers call people who stand well in
society. Princeton Tiger.
HE-"The architecture Of Europe
would interest me most" She (Da-
kota belle, eXpatiating on her travels)
--Yes, everything is so quaint. He
-"IIow did the cathedral of Cologne
impress you?" She-"Oh of course,
that was too sweet for anything. -
Thomas Cat
THAT man Blobbs is "a lucky dog"
And why?" "He was going through
tannery the other day and fell into
a vat" Il don't call that luck"
"But he had on bis light summer suit,
and when they pulled him out it was
dyed Il beautiful black and he won't
have TO buy any winter clothes. -.
Buffalo Express.
JIMMY, wot's an anarchist" "a
anarchist is feller wot takes wot's
your'n an keeps wot isn't his'n: ac-
cotdin' to them if | was ter take
ev'ry apple an peach from that stand
yonder It'd lie all right, cause that
Eyetalian can't eat 'em, and Id have
perfect right to 'em."-"Jimmy,
let's be anarchists!"-Life.
PHYsICIAN-"rhe b st thing W..
can do is ~ find a healthier location
| for our hospital" Hospital Manager
IF all your colleagues were like you
the best thing we could do would be
To shut up our hospital altogether.
Physician - "Oh, you compliment
me-" Hospital Managcr-"Yes, for
then we could start a second GENE.
terry. Exchange.
TEACHER-"I have told you OF
| Louis KCssuth and what he did. I
have also just said that he recently
received a congratulatory addres.
from the Hungarian diet. Now. wht:
can tell me what the Hungarian diet
is?" Little Boy Qorme ly of Halle
ton. Pa. )-"Most anything that they
can lay their hands on. Street Il
Smiths Good News.
Clad In Costly Fur.
John the Baptist with his raimens
| pf skins would have bpon nf liftla ~