The Newtown bee., 1893-08-25
DID YOU EVER

know such a cOmmotion among the banks?
 Banks private, corporate and national all seem to be in trouble and failure after failure follow each other in rapid succession. Some banks however, are as solid aS the everlasting hills and are conducted with such sagaciOus foresight that they pass through financial troubles as smoothly as a ship rides oiled sea, the hired girl banana peel down the cellar stairs. Naught short of an earthquake can spake them. Flaw leYVillG is small
 urgh and we have but one bank, but it is just this kind of a bank. It is known in business circles as the First SAN D Bank ot Hawley- Vile. 1hls bank Is one of the oldest institu- tions in the land. When Columbus landed she was, and when Barkhamsted was settled she was all the more. The aborigine child r4n of Columbus time played humble .te-peg in her front yard, yet she was not opened for active business until the building of the New England railroad. The credit of this railroad was then A. l, and the builders made tremen- dous drafts upon this bank and they were hon. being made. Queer but true. This was not good business policy for the bank and it low public, (some l2 teetD During these depres- sing times some ot her most valuable front age was allowed to pass into other hands and Bakers large furniture warerooms now cast n black shadow across portion Of her front, and Of late the Gospel tent of the"Union Evan geIical Faith Cure" Fourtold Gospel Christ ian Alliance has been pitched right in front of her trontest front and the most astounding miracles have been performed within a cables length of her terraced foundations. New England's drafts, as said before, were heavy, but the biggest draft, for a small one, ever made on her, and one that came near burst ing the bank, was made when the walls ot takers furniture building were put on. It was contract work and there was d sub con tractor and there were many wOrkmen and artisans to share the reSpon- sibility. Baker was in Colorado at the time and he could not look after the de- tails. Making bricks without straw was a comparatively easy task to making mor- tar without lime or cement, but it has been proved to the world that the latter can be done For proof see the patched and mortarless spots on Bakers ceilings. How the workInen finished the job and escaped injury from fall ing ceilings is what no fellow can tell. We are desirous ot letting the public know who the man is who can make bricks without straw" and should have done it in the courts long ago but unfortunately property titles have been nicely arranged for a coming son of disaster. When see a patch of plas- tering fall on fine piece of furniture we feel like the man who said "Hanging is too good iackass and I'd like to do it." Ii we can ind out who is responsible for the present condi- ton of our walls (and we think we can) and ii fly him, and if he undertakes to crawl through a knot hole, and if he gets stuck when about half way through, and ii we have our slippers on, and ii the minister is not looking, we'll just warm that man till he can't sit down, for two moons, without making his feet sore
 Have you ever had patches of clustering fall all over your house and keep doing it? Nol Well then, my dear friend, your Christian for titude has never been fully tested. You are not ripe for the kingdom yet. We sometimes speak in jest but never on this subject of poor walls. We often get real angry and abuse our
 " the other day poor widow woman with a blind COW with large family and one horn
 broken off looked at 8 pile of plastering on the floor and then at the ceiling, and ventured
 to inquire sympatheticalIy if lightning had
 struck our building. Well now you don't
 know how near we came to knocking that
 poor woman down the cellar stairs and telling
 her to mind her own business; but then we
 are ripening fast and we grow mild every
 day. We can even now wish this man a
 long lite and carbuncle every year, and if he
 should happen to ripen and be plucked first,
 you may see us making an annual pilgrimage
 every Thanksgiving morning to place forget
 me-nots and fresh mortar on his grave.
 In our sane moments we feel deeply grate-
 ful to a generous public for their sympathy and patronage. They come long distances and from all directions to buy furniture of us. They know that we are located away out here in a bowling wilderness, with tall grass all around us and an immense stock of furniture on our hands, and they know we have been unfortunate with our ceilings and they feel sorry for and they put their hands away down deep in their pockets and they buy Iib- erally and they drop tear now and then; not so many, however, as when they buy in some other place.
 The preacher tells us we are all poor sin.
 ners and that this is a wicked, wicked world but we begin to think there must be a whole l lot of good in it, after all. Come and see us l Don't look up nor say anything about oul ceilings and we will try and use you well and invite you into our reading room while wait ] ing tor trains.