The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-10-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Well done-The farmer who falls IN
with bunko men. en.-Philadelphia Call.
The quickest way of smoothing rough
| characters is to iron them. Texas
Siftings.
Many a fond parent does not get to
sleep until after the bawl is over
Boston Globe.
Even when the acrobat is bending
the crab ON the front lawn he is, fgura-
lively speaking, on the back stoop.-
Detroit Free Press.
Geography Tommy, how
is the earth divided?" Tommy 'Er,
not at all cause everybody most wants
it all. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Smiths business is going along like
clockwork." pooh, his place is in
the hands of receiver" ''That's it,
being wound up. p."-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Dinkle-"Funny thing about Not
rich and his new piano" Dankle--
els, eh?" Dinkle--"Yes; plays it by
ear and pays for it by note. Buffalo
Courier.
Arrival--"Can 1 put up at this
house?" Clerk--"I suppose so. Got
any baggage?" Arrival-''No." Clerk
How much doyou want to put up?"
Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Jones-'Is your wife at home,
Mr.. Wilbur" Wilbur lot certain,
but if you'll hold that screen door
open half minute you'll hear from
her cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Consolation of Matrimony: She
q suppose you would have been
happier if you had not married me?"
He-"Yes, darling, but 1 wouldn't
have known it. "--Life's Calendar.
Prisoner-"B 1 would rather tell
my own story Don't you think it
would be believed?" Lawyer--"Yes.
that's the trouble 1t would carry
conviction with it. Harlem Life.
''You seem to like the Colonel,
Uncle Mose?" eyes, sab; he's so
gentlemanly, sab p "Gentlemanly, in
what way?' "With his money, sab,
with his money. Buffalo Courier.
Tenor-"Sir, this music is triAe
too high for me-" Manager Let us
take it a note lower. Tenor--"Oh,
half note would do" Manager
(solemnly)--"Here, sir, We never do
things by halves p'--Tit-Bits.
Mr.. Baldboy (smiling kindly)--"The
waves are using you rudely. Will you
permit me to assist you to the shore?"
Miss Waterly---" Never mind, thank
you. The waves may be rude, but
&lax- ,nt frnal - Rr,,1yI,r,, IL g.,
Mr.. Spiker lin search of boarding.
house, There is no limit to the diet,
presume, MADAME" Boarding-house
Keeper (proudly)--"No limit sir.
During the last year five of my
boarders died from over-eating. -
Tit-Bits.
''Mr. Meteman," said the young
wife with great severity to her butch
er, ''those last eggs you sent me were
all spoiled, and unless you change
your old hens for new ones l shall be
obliged to trade somewhere else. -
Chicago Record.
Random Observer -- pardon me,
but what are you putting down in
your notebook" Worlds Fair Visit
or--"Oh, I'm just putting down tho
things that have made an indelible i'm
preston upon my memory SO that
won't forget them. ~ Chicago Record.
Freshleigh Ito stranger ut recep-
tion) )--"Gad, this is II funny house
1 came here tonight without an invita-
ton. Stranger did /. How
did you come here?" Freshleigh--
'Just walked in. How did you come
here?" Stranger "Just walked in.
It's my house. Vogue.
He was a small man, the conductor
of an electric car, and she was large,
powerful looking woman. 'I want
you to put me off at Concord street."
she said. He viewed her majestic fig
ure for a moment, and re piled MAD.
am, | will stop the car and let you get
of. New York Press.
81 suppose the panic hasn't struck
you yet, Mr.. GotroX?" 1T hasn't,
Ell? Here I've got moren $40, 900
that l cant get people to borrow at
all-they're all afraid to go into bust
ness any deeper. If these times keeps
up little longer I'll land in the poor
house in six months. indianapolis
journal.
A judge in crossing the Irish Chan
mel one stormy night, knocked against
a well-known witty lawyer who was
suffering terribly from seasicknoss.
"Can 1 do anything for you?' said
the judge, Yes, gasped the seasick
lawyer, II wish your lordship would
oyerrule this motion. - White Noun.
taineer.
Chollie-" 81 hate to say anything i'll
of dead man, but the doosid lawyers
who have been looking over Upper
tons papers have bwought 10 light
things that showed him 10 be NJ gen
tlemen. Chappie -"Haw What did
they hnd?' Chollie-"E Envy time he
loaned any money to any Of the men
in the club he made memowaudUm
Of it. indianapolis Journal.