The Bolivar bulletin. (Bolivar, Tenn.) 1888-1946, 1893-04-28
The Last Will and Testament of the
Republican Parry.

! That i, the Republican Party OF the
u. S., being Of sound mind (Which is
the only sound thing personally have
/ ever been known to possess) knowing
and realizing that by the laws of
common decercy and justice | have
TO die on Novemh her s, 1892, do make
this my last will and testament,
hereby revoking all my former wills,
[ bequeath my property as follows,
to wit:
/ | bequeath to Grover Cleveland
Of New York. the Office of President
of the United States for the follows
ing reasons: First. because for twenty
years | have been holding that piece
Of property against popular will, and
~ 1876 | absolutely stole 1t; second,
because | have to die and cannot
take it with me, but [ wish | could.
2 | desire that none Of my just
debts ever be paid, for the reason
that have not one cent lett to pay
with, having squandered all | could
steal from Uncle Sam in buying
votes in New York and Indiana.
3. | bequeath my consort the Ne
gro Race, nothing out little advice.
Notwithstanding her hirtations with
other parties, | have caused all her
troubles and never had any love or
respect for said consort except about
election times, and / would be glad
to bequeath her sonnet hing, but, alas!
| have nothing to bestow. The adj
vice / have to give is that l hope you
will live a more decent life among
your lei bors when | am dead and
forgotten than | would eyer permit
you to five when | was alive.
4. | desire that all the old cOlOred
servants that Mr.. Harrison turned
out of the White House TO come
back before the 4th of March, 1893,
aud with carbolic aci and quick
lime clean up the establishment and
make it decent house once more.
This is the only decent thought |
ever had.
5. | give my entire tariff library to
K. O Mills and w. M. Springer 10
assist them il making a reciprocity
treaty with Jerusalem.
6. To my only living son, the Peo>
pies Party, bequeath my entire Ii
brary stock in hand Of campaign
les, TRADES and editorials against the
Democratic party to have and keep
fur his sole use and benefit.
7. To my relative, he Prohibition
Party, | give ali my wine, beer,
brandy an whiskey bottles, barre S,
kegs, JUGS and demJohns, tor they
are all empty.
S. TO my leaale re alive, the Wo-
mans Rights Party, the privilege OF
drink, vote and chew tobacco, If those
WHO live after me will permit
such things to be done.
8. 70 the people Of the Sauth !
i've and bequeath to have and hold
as they always had and he d my eter
nal malice and lntolerable hatre
and this is the only property in my
VII that was mine 10 bestow, but |
give it cheeriully, AM | appiont
Henry c. Lodge, Of Ma sachusetts,
and j B. Weaver, OF Iowa, lale at
tornev tor the Poop e's Party, as ex-
ecutors OF this provision OF my will,
with Thomas b Reed, OF Maine, aud
Johnny Davenport, OF New YORK, as
sureties on this bond.
10. l bequeath, although L never
had any more title to it than anything
that | ever stoe and | never could
steal that, but have often tried, the
seat in Congress of the Nineteenth
Congressional District in Illinois, in
the Congress to be elected in 1894, to
James X. Williams, and l appoint all
the voters of said district, without re-
gard TO politics or race, to carry into
effect this provision of my will.
[ will and bequeath to the country
at large, 1st a treasury overfowlng
with emptiness; End, corrupt navy
and a photograph OF an army; 3rd,
billion aud half dollar debt; Attn, an
annual pension appropriation Of Sl7O,>
600, 000, and a desire for every man
to be given a pension that ever stn'e
a horse, rIfled hen roOst or stood by !
tile roadside aud saw federal army |
20 by; 5tb, tariff of % per cent. on
each do lar spent for goods manufact-
ured in America. which tariff the
rich farmers and laborers of the
United States should pay 10 support
the starving mlllionaires of the North
and East.
Idesire that when | am dead that
my late friends, Walter Q. Gresham,
of Indiana, Jacob b. Cox, of Ohio,
Wayn McV eIgh, of Pennsylvania,
and Daniel E. Sickles. of New York,
shall be my paIl-bsarers and carry
my prutrescent remains far out into
the wilderness of forgettulness and
deposit them in place such as no
man can find.
In witness whereof, have here
unto set my hand this November Z,
1892. The Republican Party, by
Benjamin Harrison. Witnesses, Bill
Mckinley, of Ohio, Tom Reed, of
Name, Henry q. Lodge, of Massa>
chusetts, John A. Davenport, OF
New York.
Wao nhcTC' TuCfYfrTfn