Iuka reporter., 1893-03-16
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTs AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Circumstantial Evidencc-A Possible
Development of Fad l. Absolutely
Correct-Didn't Like the House
An Explanation, Etc, Etc.

An Explanation, Etc, Etc.
POSSIBLE DEVELOPMENT or FAD.
Visitor lin the school-room)--Is this
the spelling class?
Teacher-No, this is the first class in
mud and apple-cutting. We leave the
special courses to private schools.
ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
College Don--So you confess that the
unfortunate young man was carried out
to the pump and there pumped on.
Now, Mr., Geer what part did you take
in this disgraceful affair!
Student (meekly) The left leg, sir.
NOT MODEL YOUTH, AFTER ALL.
Westcott-I tell you there's strong stuff
in that young man.
Whyte (sarcastically)-Yes, 1 was 60
ing to the barroom just now, and | saw
him put it in Bonneville Journal.
WHY.
The millionaire, old and picturesque,
With the shrewd, sagacious head,
AT nday sits at his Office desk
And munches crust of bread
The clerk toby of old ale drinks,
Eats chops with joyous grin,
And envies the rich man who, he thinks,
Is feasting on terrapin.
And we think we see with vision fair,
Through these luncheons, cold and
hot,
Why one is always millionaire
And the other one is not.
--[Puck.
DIDN'T LIKE THE HOUSE.
NIidgely-Did the architect carry out
your last plans?
Barton-I suppose he must have, for l
don't see anything of them about the
house. - Chicago Inter Ocean.
AN EXPLANATION.
Papa" asked Willie, "What is a
phenomenal"
ut is phenomenal, my son." ex-
planned Mr.. Wisepate, "when lawyer
is content with nominal fee. - Judge.
ONE or THE INdoRRIGIBLEs.
A mission school teacher caught one
of her small boy scholars in fib,
and she brought him up with round
turn
Don't you know" she said, "that it
is wicked to tell a liel"
II s'posa so,' he replied, with indiffer.
ence
~Why did you do it, then2n
I,dunno.n
:" George Washington never told a
lie"
"Who's George Washingion9 guess
he don't live in Detroit, does hep
The teacher was astonished and
panied.
Why she said, very impressively,
George Washington was the greatest
man that ever lived"
The youpgster never flickered.
well, | guess he wuzn't when he
wuzn't no bigger'n me, he said, with
supreme confidence, and the teacher re-
ferred the incorrigible to the superin-
tendent-, Detroit Free Press.
L, SHE WAS, TOO.
They said she looked good enough to eat,
And in this they didn't lie,
For it is fact that the maiden sweet,
Gould eat a whole mince pie.
x. New York Press.
A BEAUTIFUL DREAM.
Dudeley Canesucker-T had beauti-
full dream last night. Dreant / had
$50,000 all my own.
Tommy Vanderchump-And you woke
up to find you hadn't dollar.
DUDLEY Canesucker Yes; but I was
mighty luckily not to dream Of having a
million. don't think | could ever
have got over so heavy loss as that. -
Texas Siftings. y
ONE WAY OUT.
y Enamored Youth (who has been bid
ding her good-by for half hour)-Oh
darling, how can leave thee?.
/. Deep Red Voicey eyfrom top of the stairs,
with fiery sarcasm) Shall / come down
and show you how, young man. Puck.
TRACED.
niCks- latre! Tor once Ill know
where that collar stud is when I want
it:
!. Mrs, Hcks-Whcre is it2
Hiclts-Thc baby has swallowed it,
'[Drakes Magazine.
CALLED DOWN. "a M
A. "tenderfoot" in mining town was
exhibiting with some ostentation little
twenty-five calibre revolver, with the
idea, probably OF letting the bad men,
OF the place Know that he was armed.
A cowboy who, like his fellows.
always went provided with two .sguns,'
OF forty-four calibre, was at length un-
able to longer control his disgust, an0
touching the 'teaderfoot'', on the. shoul-
der, remaylxed qryly:
Say, sonnysifyou was to ever shoot
me with that thing, and found it out
"a kick your pants. '-lFruth.
roslss 200 PER GENT.
s'Ycs,' said the merchant, s.when /
first began business put $40, 00O in. and
! lost 20 per centa year for ten years y
But my dear fellow, : protested the
11.k