Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-03-23
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists OF
Our Own Day.
Sprinkles of Spice.

SprInkles OF spice.
CHAT man Kirby Stone was born
speculator" "Born with caul eh?"
Puck.
THE figure-head of a college is usu-
ally the Professor of Mathematics. -
Philadelphia Record.
IT'S queer about shOpS-they're
never shut up unless they're shut
down. -Elmira Gazette.
FEW men who go into maple-syrup
manufacture make an unadulterated
success Of it.-Troy Press.
If you want to find out what en-
tiers into boys composition, ask his
school teacher Yonkers Statesman.
INK is cheap" Il don't know
about that. I left pen full on the.
back of note once that cost me
| 50, 500. Puck.
"THE most important period with
February" said the man whose patri-
otism runs away with his good taste,
sis when it cuts it's 22th. "-Washing-
ton Star
"Do YOU think, Schmidt, that your
affection for Fraulein Goldstein is re-
ciprocated?" 81 really can't say; [
am loving her at present on credit"
| -Lustige Blaetter.
MRS. DOvEKIN's trip to Scarbor-.
ough was great success this year. %
Indeed. Has she got rid of her old
trouble?" mo; but she has got rid
Of her old daughter. "-Tid-Bits.
81 DIDN'T see anything funny in
the story that fellow just told. What
made you laugh SO over it," "Do,
you know who he is?" mo; who is
hep" Hes the head of our firm. -
Life.
| "I'D like to be very rich" said
Tommy. "How rich?" asked his Sis
ter. "Oh," replied the young man,
after some thought, "rich enough to,
wear my Sunday clothes every day. ;"
| Life.
DE CASH see you have taken a.
partner. De Curb-Yes, l had to.
A man can't keep a suburban resi-
lence supplied with servants and at
tend to business, too.-NeW York
Weekly.
A NEW Paris hat is Of absinthe,
green, a fashion journal reports. The
! back-roW folks will vote for it if it is
a theater hat Of the absinthe-makes-
Observation-Disclosures sort - Phila-
, delphia Ledger. 5D
MISS ELDERBoDY-"I met Mr.
Blake at the reception last evening""
Miss Pert-"Yes, he told me saw you.
He said it was such a pleasure to
meet an old face in such crowd. p
Boston Transcript.
| YABsLEY-Miss Passay seemed Of
Tended at you last evening. What
did you say? Mudge-Blessed if /
know. I only asked her if she didn't
dread having to wear hoops again,
indianapolis Journal.
MRS. GooD-Isn't is queer that a,
man would request that his shroud
should not be fastened with a collar
button. The Widow-Well, he knew
his weakness and didn't want to make
bad break before St. Peter. -EX-
change.
A MALE OWNER. -Jake-Here'S an
advertisement in tn paper fer that
dog you found. The man wot owns
him offers a reward. Jim-How dye
know it's a man? Jake-Th' paper
says. "No questions asked. New
York Weekly.
DAIsY-When l get big like you,
mamma, Pm going to marry doctor
or a minister. Mamma-Why, my
dear? Daisy-'Cause if / marry a
| nfb nd
if l marry minister | can be good
for nothing. -Funny Folks.
CITE HALL-They say that Bust
man ran away with another woman
because his wife never did anything
right and constantly irritated and
annoyed him. Temple Court-That
can't be the reason. Why, the other
woman was his typewriter. Truth
SUSAN" said the housewife, Il
think that once a week is quite often
enough for your sweetheart to be call
! ing here" "He amt my sweetheart"
! Susan explained. "He's the man I'nA
goin' to marry. Dyou s'pose if l had
a sweetheart I'd go an Spite him by
marryin' him?"-Indianapois Jour-
! nal.
TEACHER-Johnnie, do you think
! if you had cut down your fathers
cherry tree you would have told the
truth about it? Johnny Slowly
No, don't believe / would. Teacher
What! you would not tell false
hood? Johnnie (apologetically)-
Well, ma'am, yer see | don't believe
Washington's father was just the.
same sort of Teller as mine. "-Har-
per's Bazaar.