Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-03-30
SprlnlIlcS Of SPICE.

Is OF absorbing interest, Troy Press.
THE poker.player does not use Wis
iting cards when he is calling. Plea
yune.
NAILS should be sold at auction.
They go well under the hammer. -
Plcayune.
THE winter girl has one satisfac-
tion-it's chappY weather. -Philadel-
phia Record
SOMETIMES a man is 80 deep that
he is absolutely without foundation.
t-Galveston News.
BIOLOGISTS say the cradle Of the
deep has nothing to do with making
the bed rock.-TeXas Siftings.
You realize that silence is golden
when you come to settle for a case Of
Mumm.-Binghamton Leader.
Industrious ancestry is a glorious
thing to. have, but it won't be taken
as security for hot stew. Chester
(Pa.) News.
ONE is sometimes surprised at hav-
ing bought goods so cheap-until
after the peddler is gone, Cleveland
Plain Dealer
THoMPsoN-"Suppose a man should
call you liar, what would you do?"
Jones (hesitatingly) - what sized
man?"- Tid-Bits.
THE worst about the average crank
is that while he inevitably turns up
he objects to being turned down.
Philadelphia Times.
BEssIE-.He was very impudent.
He put his arm around me twice.
Jessie-Humphl He must have had
Il very long arm.-Puck.
A MAN never realizes how much
furniture he owns until he tries to
walk rapidly through the house in
the dark, -Etoile Beige.
Mr.. MISUNDERSTANDING you
have been weeping. What is it my
sweetest love?" Mrs. Younghusband
--"Horeseradish!" -Tid-Bit
STRANGER Ito Pat, drinking apol-
linaris)-"How does it taste, Pat?"
Pat-"Faith, it tastes like as if my fut
was asleep. Harvard Lampoon
"YoUNG NUwED is having a hard
time in his venture into matrimony."
Glow is that?" Neither his wife
nor his servant girl know how to
cook."-New York Press.
HE-Do you love me, darling?
She-Sometimes | think | do, and
then again, when you have on that
hideous baggy new overcoat, l doubt
the strength Of my affection. It'd
Bits.
LITTLE JOHNNY May l hitch the
dog to my sled and have him pull
me? Mother-I'm afraid he will
bite you Little Johnny-It's the
other end I'm going to hitch, Good
News.
A GENTLE HINT Mr.. Short--Eh!
Beg pardon, Miss Wosalie, butch
isn't that mistletoe that you have in
your hair? Miss Rosalie-Yes, Mr..
Short, it is. What of it?-Harper's
Bazaar.
"WHY did you arrest this MANI"
asked the judge, sternly. "For prac-
tice, returned the policeman. I'm
new on the force, and l wanted to
learn how, your honor. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
GENT should like to have my
photo taken, but | want it to be
nice-looking. Photographer-Neyer
fear, sir, it shall be so handsome that
you won't know it yourself.
Schalk.
FIRST CLOTHER-Your're a fool to
call that suit the Rip Van Wrinkle.
Second Clothier-What would you
call it? First Clothier-The never
Rip Van Wrinkle, man!-The Cloth
iers' Weekly,
Miss PoRTER-Did you notice the
blank look of that gentleman who
sat down on his silk hat? Mr.. Muir
ray-No; but Pm glad you didn't
hear the blank words he used
Princeton Tiger.
A CHANCE TO RIsE.-Butcher-
need a boy about your size and will
give you SO a week. Applicant
Will have a chance to rise? eyes;
I want you to be here at o'clock |
every morning. Life.
Mrs. TIMOTHY SEED-"Where's
Lizzie?" Miss Gaskett-"I just left |
her in the arms of Morpheus. Mrs.
Timothy Seed (scandalized) What |
And she engaged to Joe Fender! Show
me where she is this minute"
DOMESTIC PEACE ASSURED Wife
-"And so you got your life insured |
for my benefit! That's lovely" Hus-
band-"Yes, my dear; but, just re-
member, if you drive me to suicide
you won't get cent. New York
Weekly.
Mrs. HICKs-Why, Mrs. Dix, how
pale you lCok. Mrs. Dix-Yes; I've
been having lots of trouble lately
with a boil. Mrs. Hicks-I'm so
sorry, Was it on your neck? Mrs.
Dix-No; it was on my husband
Journal
SALESMAN great stOre)-This coat