The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1893-06-24
a DARKEY'S IDEAL WIFE.
Didn't Amount to Much Himself but Knee
What Sort Of Bettcr Half He Needed.

Didn't mount to Much Himself but Knew
What sort of Bcttcr Half He Needed.
"Haz yer got any stomped antelopcs
FUR sale here boss?"
"Stomped what?" said the astonished
proprietor of the country store.
"Stomped antelopcs, dat yer put er
letter in, an SEN it to de pos Office.
promise Florinda gwinc write her er
letter, an boun' ter keep my word. y
Eyes, have plenty of those, but who
Is Florinda?"
"Shc's my wife, boss, or least ways
when get my crap laid by low ter
git er license, an gin her dat entitle-
ment. Ever sense l had de Ter grip las
winter. an dc Ter manrial fever in de
summer time, fze had er misery in my
chist, an been lsin'cr poly, thank God,
an need somebody to take lSeer er me.
so dun 'cided ter git married.
"Dis comm spring Florinda Jane kin
holp me powerful in de crap. She's ez
likely er han ez ever you seed in er
cotton patch, en- Square Thomas sez eff
marries her dat he gwine sell me er
Ian ter bull er house on. Dat he kno'
| kin pay for it den.
INlorinda she kno' how ter make buckle
an tongue meet she do, Gaze dun seed
her tried. She been married twist
afore dis, do she's err young oman yit;
but she's bin powerful misfortunate.
Her fust husban' got woun up in er
cotton screw, en- wuz mongreled ter
deaf, and fore she done mo'nin' fur
him, her secon' husban' got sont up fur
eight years fur hog stealth an udder
dcvilment. It's a widdcr woman dat /
gwine marry, yer see."
"But what will you do when her sec
ond husband serves his term and comes
home?"
"Well, dun ranged fur dat. boss,
moight be glad ter gin her up when dat
time comes, an eff so, JUS turn her
ober ter him. But eff she amt sickly,
an fin her er likely oman ter live
wild, den fore dat time comes kin
buy enforcement dockerments. I dun
'quired inter de matter. an thirty dol
lars will pay fur all de papers an de
lyers throwed in. Florinda Jane got
her bedstead, an chist, an four split
bottom cheers, an er bolster, an
feather bed, an truck er dat kim, dat
IL wuth mo- en- de papers will cost. 1t
won't be no 'spense ter me, an puffic-
ly willin' eff she suits, ter spen' it on
her. / don't low ter get married Wild
out it's costin' me sumpen. 1 already
gin her err 'gagement ring, wild e1
green glass set in it, an low ter buy
her er pair err year bobs fur err bridal
present. Yes sir l want her saterfied,
Gaze l dunno what she wants wild me
no how, fur l amt no likely shakes no
! er nigger. l s'pose it wuz de ginger
cake color dat tuck her fancy, dat
| disinherited frum my deceasted mud
der dat's dead-caze Florinda, she's
| jest ez dark complicated an shiny ez
yore boots. But she suits me to er Il.
81 want somebody ter patch an
mem fur me, an cook my victuals
done, an she kin fill de bill. Eff she
JUS do her part an mine erbout de
| house an raise de chickens an de pigs
an de gyardin' truck, an do de cookin'
an de washin', an splittin' up de
wood an totin' de water, an comb my
| ha'r on Sundays, an work in de fiel'
Mondays and every udder day when
the crap il in de grass, an when it's
got to be gethered I'll do my part.
| Dey amt nuthin' mean nor low lifeted
crbout me. uster b'long ter quality,
/ did, an kno's how ter treat er wife,
/ do"
''You do, hey? "Well, what's your
part?'
"My part IL alters ter have in er de-
, cent an 'specterble manner. l nebber
spects ter beat my wife. less she's
powerful aggervatin', nor let no udder
nigger do it. l gwine buy her Ell
calico coat an er pair shoes an Miss
Malviny's ole hat twist err year, an lei
her sing jess ez loud in de meetin' e7
she wants ter. Den l gwine let hel
ten all de funerals dat comes on Sun
lay an sit up wild de sick an eat at dc
,'us table wild me, an what oman
white or black, could spec mo'cn dat?
''Yes, sir; my wife gwine have el
good easy time, eff she's cr wuckin
nigger. But eff she's no count an
trifiin' like me I gwine gin her hel
walkin' papers an git ernudder.
can't s'pote two no count niggers. But
/ don't comprehend no trouble wild Flo
rinda Jane, Gaze she's err wucker frum
way back. Course, dun tole her al
day erbout
Roses red an violets blue,
'Lasscs sweet, and 80 liz you,
en- bout
My lub fur you shall ebber flow
| Like wa er down or tater row,
but dun tole her besides what gwine
marry her fur, an she knows / con-,
STAN no foolishness. But Florinda Jane
she's er likely young gal, she IL, an
amt cr feared ter buy her er license,
aim,
BOSS, ! hates ter trouble yer, but II
be much erbleeged ef you would pu
dis letter in de stomped antelope an
back it ter Miss Florinda Jane White
side, er Widder Oman, kear err hel
Brudder-in-law, de Foreman in de Bricl
Yard, Frog Level, Alabama. IN. Y
|