davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Progress., 1893-04-29
CHIEFLY CHAFF.

He am sure we could got along on
your income am not a man of eXpcn-
sive tastes " Sho Anyone who wants
TO marry me is man of very oxpensiv-
tastes Life.
Tomson -'l've on awful smart little
boy" johnson I've been told ~
Tomson, hattcrcd- All, Who told you
Johnson You did n moment ago. ~
Harpcr's Bazar
Mrs Callnhan-'I want to get pair or
shoes for the little bye" Clerk French
kid" Mrs. Callahan indignantly, in
dade not. He's me own son, born an
bred in Ameriky. Life.
Wool-'ThiS electric execution law
must be n great disappointment to a Ger
tain class of men Van Pelt-"What
class Wool-'Thosc who were born To
be hanged New York Herald
Are YOU pretty well acquainted with
your mother tongue, my boy asked the
school teacher OF the new scholar YES
sir" answered the lad, timidly, INA
jaws me n good deal sir. '-CoVic
Teddie ''Dordir. I tan't do ont wiz you
till Diet dwcsscI I'm all over dirt. y
Dord You mu,n't talk 80 carolessly,
Ted You arc not all over dirt. dirt is
all over you "-liarper's Young People.
Hicks We've got something new at
our house, machine To wash dishes y
Wicks-"And how does it work" Hicks
beautifully. II breaks on an average
of five dishes day. Fact; you would
hardly know it from hired girl Boston
Transcript
Mr. Boston. under the shadow OF the
Sphinx and Pyramids Dearest, why
that sad, far.nwav look in your eyesi
Does it come from the contemplation Of
this spectacle of hoary antiquityt' His
Bride, confideutially Mo Winthrop,
dear ! was just thinking how good nice
hot plate Of pork and beans would tasteH
Puck.
Rev. Whangdoodle Baxter has the most
flourishing Sunday school in Austin. He
asked ono of the pupils Who is dat al
mysterious bein' from whom muffin am
hid, who secs and knows cherry ding what
happensi / axed yer dat queshun last
Sunday, and now wants dc answer" 81
knows hit My fodder tole me do right
answer" said one boy. "Well, den, who
does yer fodder say am dat mysterious
bein' who knows all things what happens =
'De foahman oh de gran jury. Texas
Siftings
The Progress., 1893-04-29
Unaccountable.

A remarkable phenomenon occurred
recently on the parish farm near Flor
ence. Ala. The phenomenon Is an
immense hole fifty feet across the top
and OF Understandable depth. The
hole was found by Mr.. I. w. Redding.
who leases the farm. II is located in
a field that has been in cultivation for
years and at place where the earth
was apparently solid. The sinking
occurred in the night during heavy
storm. 1t is thought that the hole
leads to a vast subterranean cavern
end Il viii be explored.
The Progress., 1893-04-29
A Yard an Hour.

Senator Dawes, in recent speech
In Massachusetts,; brings out the fact
that the star of empire has been max
lug its way westward at greater
rate than is commonly understood. A
hundred years ago the center of pop
ulation of the United States was q
point some twenty-three miles east OF
Baltimore. The census of 1890 places
it at a point about twenty miles east
OF Columbus, Ind. This shows q
westward movement OF sos miles in q
hundred years, averaging for the
period sos miles a year. which
amounts to a yard an hour.
The Progress., 1893-04-29
BITS FOR THE CURIOUS.

Scientists say that bees will visit fields
twelve miles from their hive.
There are only -, OOO people in Ireland
but they print eight newspapers on the
island
Australian eggs are now shipped to Lon
don, thanks to an extraordinary new pro
cess of preservation.
Artificial teeth are so much in use now
adays that it took 40, 900, 900 OF them to
supply the demand last year
White tar is one of the latest inven'
tions or discoveries II will not become
soft under the suns rays in any climate,
and is expected to be used largely in
calking the deck seams of fine yachts.
A young man in Bridgeton, y. J., won
81 on n WAGER that he could swallow two
dozen raw eggs and twenty glasses oi
beer in a quarter of an hour. He died
soon after in spasms
DR. j. w. Palmer RENE embers how pedes
trians in the streets of San Francisco used
to get mired in ''the days of ~. y and re-
lates with gusto that IA piano was actually
dumped into n street slough once TO enable
teams TO drive across
A student who was always 'unpre
pared, " but whose excuses were copious
was suddenly asked in class 10 explain th'
phenomenon of the aurora borealis. 81
have been studying on the subject. HI
,aid. as he rose from his seat in reply,
and have rend up in several text book
ON natural phenomena, but am unable
just now to EXP lain the cause. "Hav'
you forgotten the cause asked the pro
fessor, mildly. We'll, sir, II has Just Is
capped my memory" was the ready re
sponse What pity was the conclu
sive re. oinder OF the professor. What
loss science has sustained. Nobody la
.ver been able TO explain it before.
The Progress., 1893-04-29
Excess OF Imports Over Exports.

The bureau of statistics In its state
mcnt of foreign commerce for March,
1898, shows the excess of imports over
exports to be as follows: For the
month of March. $26, ,075, 900; for the
three months ended March 81, SOL
)16,000; for the nine months ended
March 81. $47, 7,l19,000. and for the
twelve months ended March 81, $751;
b26. 600. y
The Progress., 1893-04-29
SENSE AND SENTIMENT.

The less we parade our misfortunes, the
more sympathy we command Dewey
How can we expect a harvest Of thought
who have not had the seedtime Of charsc-
terl-1horeau.
Who dares do all that may become
man and dares no more, he is man in'
deed -Shakspeare-
The Progress., 1893-04-29
A Trust of Ralnmakers.

The organization is now reported OF
q trust of rainmakers. The various
humbugs, who profess to have the
clouds at their command, have formed
a combine and inform the farmers OF
Kansas and Nebraska that the price
Of rain is to be $1,000 a shower.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

time specified, but cannot require proof
of his residence in Utah for more than one
year.
But two years at least before his adj
mission he must have declared his in
tentions to become citizen, or as it is
commonly called taken out his first
papers" Probably it is that two years
which the Utonian has ccnfohnded with
the time Of residence in the territory. 1t
is scarcely to be supposed that Judge
BARTcH would announce that residence
for two years in the territory must be
proved, when the law only requires that
it shall be for at least one year.
AS there will be an election held next
November in this territory, and many
aliens who have not heretofore been able
to vote, in consequence of not being
naturalized, have now acquired legal resi-
dence or will soon do so, preparations
should be made in the various counties
with view to procuring the final papers
of all who are entitled under the laws to
admission as citizens. This should not
be postponed until the last moment, bat
naturalizations should proceed as fast IS
applicants are prepared for and entitled
TO citizenship.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18


The resignation is made TO the Gcv-
ernor of the State, but the name of the
member remains on the roll of the House
until the House is formally notified of the
resignation, either by the member himself
or by the Governor of his State. -
Thus it will be seen that not only was
THE HERALD right in its statement OF
fact but the Delegate was right in his
manner of procedure. The resignation
should go to the Governor, the notice OF
it to the Speaker or clerk of the House.
The resignation miscarried. Before 1t
reached the Governor he was requested to
return it, the letter has been returned,
the Delegate remains where he was, there
is no vacancy at present, and the Delegate
may now take such course as he and the
people may agree upon.
1t is.as well to be right and be willing
to be set right, and not to be too petulant
when an error is pointed out. THE
HERALD has endeavored to view the mat
ter in the light of the law, and it looks
pretty clear now that it is our contem-
porary that ''put the cart before the
horse both as to fact and as TO principle.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18
The Cart Before the Horse.

When TIE HERALD explained that as a
matter of fact the resignation OF Delegate
RAwL1Ns was sent to the Governor and a
notice of that action was then sent to the
clerk of the House, our evening contem-
porary made considerable sport of the
statement, and sarcastically observed
that the conclusion was ''strained,
labored and unreasonable construction, -
and it was quitting the cart before
the horse, - because, said our critical
contemporary, ''the resignation is what is
filed with the clerk aud upon receipt OF
which he strikes the name from the rolls,
while the notice thereof is forwarded to
the governor that he may take the action
which the law required OF him.
We copy from the Rules and Practice of
the House of Representatives, 5fst Con-
gress, page $40.
1t is usual fer the member resigning to
notify tAe speaker Tor clerk) that he has
notified the Governor Of his state of such
resignation, or for the governor or secre-
tary OF state to notify the speaker COR
clerk of such resignation and the name
of the member is borne on the rolls until
such notice is received.
Reference is made in this statement to
the case OF JOSEPH PULITZER editor of the
New York Hioud, whose resignation
,,.o-+.l :. ,.~..,o<,<>.. =. 1coc
is from the Congressional Record of May
5, in that year:
The SPEAKER. The chair will also lay
before the House communication from
the secretary of state of the state of New
York, transmitting copy OF the resig-
nation of Hon. JOSEPH PULITZER a
Representative in Congress from the Ninth
Congressional district Of that state. The
communication will lie on the table.
The letter from the secretary Of state of
New York is as follows:
STATE OF NEW YORK, OFFICE OF THE1
z SECRETARY OF STATE.
ALBANY. April 80, 1886.
Dear SRA resignation OF office. of
which the following is copy, was filed
in. the office of the secretary Of state of
this state, April II, 1885, to-wit:
NEW YORK, April 10, 1885.
Sir--I hereby resign my seat as repre-
sentative of the Ninth Congressional dis
trict of New York. Yours truly,
JOSEPH PUIIrzER.
Hon. FREDERICK COOK, Secretary of
State, Albany, N. Y.
have the honor to be, yours very re-
respectfully, FREDERICK Cook,
Secretary Of Safe.
HON. JOHN G. CARLISLE, Speaker OF the House
Of Representatives,, Washington D. c.:
In the rules and practice of the House
for the Fifty-second Congress, page ISL,
we find the annexed;
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18
Cumulative Penalties.

Some experimental legislation has been
INDUCED in by several of the states dur
ing the late winter sessions. Among
them Ohio has taken hand in the new
departures. One law passed in the inter-
est OF prison reform in that state is
worthy of notice, as its workings will be
watched by persons who pay special at
tention to these questions, and it may
prove OF benefit to other states.
This measure is a sort of cumulative
penalty law. The sentence of a culprit
convicted OF second offence is to be
double that of the first sentence. The
third is to be twice as much as the sec
ond, and the ratio continues. This only
relates to inisdemeanors but it is under
stood that if the experiment works we'll
it will be extended to felon1es.
The intent is to give the criminal time
to reform, to learn trade SO as to be-
come independent OF crime, and to save
public expense. The cost of arrests and
trials is more than the cost of keeping the
criminal. When he learns that his PEN
atty will be doubled on committing an
other offense it will probably act as a de-
terrent. And by acquiring a trade he
may gain his living honorably if he will.
BY this means also the disposition Of
an offender may be determined If it is
demonstrated that there is no desire in
him to reform, he will be known as
confirmed criminal and the propriety of
imprisoning such persons for life will be
considered.
Some theorists contend that the tend
ency to crime is a disease. 1t is probably
true in some instances. And it may
also be true that in certain cases
the disease is incurable. The patient
cannot be treated as insane and shutup as
a lunatic. But he ought not to be turned
loose upon society to prey upon the pub
lie. Chronic thieves should be restrained
as much as confirmed madmen, but not
perhaps in the same way.
This experiment in cumulative penal
ties may lead to something further in the
treatment of incurable criminals. The
sentimentalism that would only provide
pity and prayer for those who habitually
prey upon their fellow men, is as great
an extreme in one direction as the bar
barism that would kali them is in another.
Detention in some way that would make
them useful and prevent their intrusion
upon the rights OF others seems only fair
to society, and chronic criminals have no
more right to full liberty than have in
chrable lunatics.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

Col. LETT at Washington measurably
vindicates the personal pronoun man OF
the Tribune from the sharp remarks OF
young Mr.. L. at Salt Lake; which is only
fair, considering the voluminous guardi-
anship the correspondent has shown over
the interests Of the Colonel. Still we
cannot but think that the said CORE
spondent's prediction department, which
in the case of the Colonel has been run
ming since the Presidents Inauguration,
now some two months aud a half, has
been considerably in advance of events.
Besides the goyernorship, according to
this authority, Col. LETT was to have,
successfully, the secretaryship Of the ter
ritory, the marshalship, the chairman
ship of the Utah commission and the race
for Congress, as well as, in the absence of
Mr.. RAwLINs, having general charge of
Utah affairs at Washington. Yet in the
ColonePs vindication of the corresponds
ent, out of consideration for his feelings,
keen eye may detect the injury done,
for Col. L. stoutly maintains that he has
been an applicant for no Office except the
governorship.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18
A Mistaken idea.

The Beaver UtoniGn says there is mis-
taken idea in that district as to the length
of time of residence in the United States
and in Utah before an applicant can be-
come citizen by securing final papers,
and it quotes Judge BARTCH as ruling
that: s'The law requires that the appli-
cant must produce two witnesses who
have known him as a resident of the
United States five years and two years of
that time as resident of Utah.
We are afraid that If this statement is
permitted to go uncorrected mistaken
idea will still prevail on the subject in
the Second judicial District. Either the
Judge is mistaken in his idea or the
Utoniaa has made a mistake in endeavor-
ing to quote him.
Naturalization is regulated by the laws
of the United States and it is required of an
alien that: % 1t shall be made to appear
TO the satisfaction of the court admitting
such alien that he has resided within the
United States five years at least, and
within the state or territory where such
court is at the time held, one year at
least.v And it is further provided that
the oath of the applicant shall in no
case be allowed to prove his residence. y
The court may therefore require the
testimony of two witnesses to prove his
residence in the United States during the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

THE BAPTIST and Methodist ministers
OF Denver, picked nine of each, took
"the primrose path of dalliancen with
the delights of baseball, on the field OF
green last Monday, and had h. o. t.
Rev. KERR UPPER of the First Baptist
church and Rev. RoBT. MCINTYRE of the
Trinity Methodist were the respective
captains. Other participants were Rev.
GREEN OF the Baptist Emmanuel. SPEN-
GER of the Christ Methodist, RAY of the
st. James Methodist, WATERS of Beth
amy, TURNBULL of Beth Eden, CHASE of
the Grant avenue, HARMED of the High
lands, etc. The papers give illustrated
accounts of Jne game, showing how Bro.
WRIGHT stepped a hot grounder, how
DR.. MCINTYRE famed the air with his
club, DR.. SPENCER stole second base, DR..
HUcKLEBERRY let out length or two OF
his legs for a sky-scraper, and Bro
CAMERON Jared the landscape By landing
on the home plate. In this way muscular
Christianity had seven innings, with 90
runs to the credit of each side, and the
clerical players went home to anoint their
limbs with arnica and opodeldoc.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18
Risihle Ticklers.

Rochester Democrat: It is a sign that
the trees have come to stay another sea-
son as soon as they begin to leave.
philadelphia Record: No, Maud, dear,
you are mistaken IN thinking that you
can clear your vision by straining your
eyes.
Cleveland Plain Dealer: 81 shall de-
monstrate the caws and effect, - said the
crow, as he followed the farmer who was
dropping corn.
RtehmoRd's Monthly: Clerk would
like to get off to bury my aunt. En-
Iployer-Very well, but don't let it occur
again.
Miss Budlet-Have you any other thea
tire hats that are cheap? Milliner-No,
Miss; theatre hats always come high, you
know.
Boston Transcript: Hicks = Bliston,
they tell me. is quite an athlete. Wicks-
Yes; his last feat, hear, was to run up
a board bill
Lowell Courier: All the documents in
the Behring sea dispute of course bear
the legal L. s., for that is what they are
abont-the place OF the seal.
Boston Transcript: II the spring poets
will only swear OF yersifying they may
get their reward. Look at Ruskin! See
what he has got for not writing poetry.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

THERE IS row over Secretary Nor
TONS removal of JAS. G.. BLAINE S
brother from a clerkship in the bureau OF
animal industry and the appointment of
a Missouri Democrat to the place. An
other row is over the dismissal from the
treasury department of a man named
STURrEvANT who had been at the. head of
the stationery division thirty-two years.
And some time since there was row over
the removal of a gentleman from the
state department who was supposed to be
a permanent fixture. The truth of the
matter seems to be that, as to all the de
partments, loose and extravaganza meth
DDS have crept in, and that radical changes
are necessary Tor the efficiency of the
public service. This is genuine civil SER
vice reform. The officials dispensed with
were not in the classified service, and
would not have been protected if they had
sDeen. Civil service reform means the
conduct Of the public business on the
same principles employed in conducting
private business, and is not to be con-
strued as meaning long terms of service
for incompetent or inapt men.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

The ST. LOUIS Globe Democrat. refer
ring to Senator FRYE's recent statement
that BLAINE did not expect to receive the
nomination at Minneapolis, and did
not desire it, thinks it is by no means GER
tain THAT Mr.. B. expected to be defeated
after practically agreeing to let his name
be used for the nomination, and adds:
He was persuaded to take that unfor-
tunate step by men who pretended to be
greatly devoted to him, but who were, in
fact, only seeking to use him for the over
throw of HARRISON. Under ordinary
circumstances, his clear judgment would
have saved him from snch grave mis-
take; but he was broken down by disease
and sorrow, and so fell victim to the
conspiracy of false friends, and invited a
humiliation which unquestionably has
tened his death.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

THE AUToBIoeRAPHIoAL sketch in the
new Cong ressional Directory of GEORGE
w. MURRAY of the Seventh South Caro-
lima district, states he was bora in slavery
in 1853; that up to thirteen years after
ward he did not know his letters; that in
1876 he was a junior in the South Carolina
univs -sity. and was teacher till 1890;
and that he was elected by 1000 majority
against one CT the wealthiest and most
popular Democrats IN TIE state. This is
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18
not by any means a bad record for s'a
poor, unhappy slave. ;,


Now IT appears that Mr.. CURTIS, chief
of the bureau of American republics in
the state department, has spent nearly all
the funds available for the entertainment
of foreign guests, and there is just about
money enough left to pay the hotel bill OF
the Infanta EULALIA and her husband.
We see It stated that on the 18th list, al
ter laying the corner stone OF an eleemo-
synary institution at Havana, the Infanta
and Prince ANTONIO went to a bull-fight,
arriving just as celebrated matador was
killing the third bull, and that the Infanta
gave the victor one of her finger rings.
How would it do to take the royal party
to Wall street and let them witness an
American bull and bear fight?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

IN THE mandamus case of Boss POWERS
VS.. CALEB w. WEST to require the latter
to issue writ of election for a territorial
delegate, we understand the papers have
not vet been filed in the court OF Chief
Justice LocHRIE. 1t will be remembered
that it was in this court where the pre-
liminary hearing was had to compel SAM
UEL A. MERRITT ct al. to surrender the
books of the Democratic committee, and
which demand was received by MERRITr
with loud and resonant ha! hal
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

AT EVERY respiration, citizens of Salt
Lake yesterday took into their lungs
twenty cubic inches of combination of
nitrogen, OXYGEN, old shoes, rags,
pounded glass, dead animals, ground
cigar stumps, kitchen Stops, and "va-
riety of scents. ambrosial and sulphur
eous.'' Sand bars were formed in all
parts of the breathing apparatus. Down
with the dust!
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

FOUR AMERICAN states-Pennsylvanla,
Ohio, Texas and New York-haye more
railroad mileage than any one European
country, and the total mileage of the
United States far exceeds that of all
Isnro,,a
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

Mr.. LOGAN CARLISLE. of the treasury
department, bids fair to rival the reputa-
ton of Fourth Assistant Postmaster Cen
eral MAXWELL as a decapitator, and
there is no mistaking the popularity
among Democrats OF turning unworthy
Republican office-holders out.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

THE PRINCE of Wales wears l, 100 pairs
of gloves a year, ali OF which he buys in
Denmark. HAMLET's remark about
rottenness in that country was. then,
probably correct.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

THERE APPEARS to be unanimous regret
on the part of the Democracy, after read
ing CLARKsoN's speech at Louisville, that
he was not chosen as chairman of the Ma
tional Republican committee.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

WHEN SHAKESPEARE wrote about
grim-visaged war, " he must have had
in mind the dry plains where clouds of
dust were thrown into the faces of the
soldiers
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

INGALLS, IS in doubt whether the Re-
publican party needs tonic OF an emetic.
There was not any doubt in the party at
the time PETER was elected Senator.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

THESE ARE the days of the wisp, the
whisk-broom and the clothes brush. and
mighty Intellectual and unsatisfactory
they are, tool
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

SUSAN B. ANTHONY thinks we are upon
the eve of an era of unmarried women.
Has she then concluded to life live OF
single blessedness?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

''DUsT THOU art, 60 dust returnest, -
is hollow mockery. One doesn't have
to go back for it.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-05-18

THE MARCH weather of yesterday con-
tirmed the statement that spring was two
months late this year.