The Opelousas courier., 1893-06-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Bright observation-disclosures.
The man with a long head is rarely
head-long. -Binghamton Leader.
1t is hard to feel at home with people
who never make mistakes.-Ram's Horn.
It's queer about shops-they're never
shut up unless they're shut down.
Elmira Gazette.
There never was so big a fool that he
couldn't learn how to count money
Atchlson Globe.
The fgurehead of a college is usually
the professor of mathematics. -Pnlla"
delphia Record.
Many a man who ~"starts of we'll"
spoils everything by coming back
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Few men who go into maple-sirup
manufacturing make an unadulterated
SUCCESS of it.-Troy Press.
Some men are like woodpeckers-they
can't send in a bill without making a
big noise about it.-Truth.
Many a parachute jumper would be
living to-day if he had never taken a
drop.-Binghamton Leader.
The man who waits for appreciation
generally gets it in the shape Of an
epitaph.-Milwaukee Journal.
"Does she make a good wife9" "Well,
it is doubtful. Her husband belongs to
fox~ a1,lr - No- V0rGy Dpoce
To harrow ones feelings is not the
most profitable way of cultivating an
acauaintance.-Boston Transcript.
The picket fence was outlined sharp,
The moon was clear and pale.
Her lover long ago had left,
But thereby hangs a tail.
"The pleasantest way to take cod liver
| OIL" says an old g%ournand, ''ls to tatten
pigeons with it and then eat the pigeons"
-Tit.Bits.
The Professor-"What is happiness7'
The Philosopher-''The condition OF
forgetting that you are unhappy
Chicago News.
A man whose tongs,e is his entire
| capital defes the exigencies of commerce
and succumbs to nothing less than q
paralytic stroke.
He's a dealer in rhymes AMI 10 ''rocSS"
An exponent of both avocations,
And can furnish quotations OF STOCKS,
Or supply you with stockso quotations.
Truth.
Dives-ssI always shave myself.
won't trust a barber on my face" Laza'
rus-ttI always shave myself, too. NO
barber will trust me on my ce."-Chi-
cage Tribune.
Bluster-"I made a speech tonight at
the banquet which will make me immor'
tai" Mrs. Bland it was only las
month that you got your life insured!
Boston Transcript.
"Charlie, didn't you promise to try
and break yourself of, the habit OF using
slang?" Charlie-"Yes, mamml, and yo'
bet I'm gettin' there with both feet,
don't you ee."--Iuter-O Ocean.
"Do play something, please, Miss
Pianothump," said the hostess, advane'
ing to her music loving guest; ''it's
getting pretty late, but not half thu
guests are gone yet. "-chicsgo News.
Mr.. Nuwife-stso this is cottage pud
ding, eh9' Mrs. Nuwife (proudly)-
eyes. Can you guess how it's mades'
Mr.. Nuwife-"Well-er l should thlnl
of pressed bricks, dear."-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Johnson-"When I do marry l inten
to marty a sensible girl, if can nm
one." Tomson-"Now, there's MIS-
Sharpe; she gave me up" Johnson
..Just the girl 1 want. Won't you in
troduce me?"--Tlt-B Bits.
No man has ever been able to explain
so simple & problem as why the brilliant
sun should lavish its light in broad day.
light, while only a second hand lum
nary is youchsafed to man in the nlgn
time.-Boston Transcript.
"Your travel so much on tine cars
should think you would go armed
"Armed!" exclaimed the suburbanite
uI do. I never travel with less tina
fifteen or thirty pounds oi neaVy oon
that l could use in an emergency
Chicago Tribune.
Little Mabel -"Mamma, don't ye
think lean teach Fido to talks" Nam
tho, dear; what made you think yc
coulda" Little Mabel-"Well, when
gave him his dinner he growled just Liz
you say papa docs when his meal doesn
please him."-Chicago lnter-Ocean.
Mr.. Billus-"seems to me, Maria, tt
children don't speak half as good Eos
fish as they did before they began to g
TO school" Mrs. Bilius-"For mercy
sake, John, how can you expect them
learn everything at scaools | Wisht
you would quit harping on that Ergll
language fad of youEs.-chlcago i
bune.