The Bossier banner., 1893-12-14


told that tha want gointer be no four
minute race fer hosses bred In the |
county? An that the fair hadn't |
creased no pig to be chased? An that |
the two-headed calf want on hand, |
not even stuffed? An that patchwork |
quiltin' were shet out that year, an
cider apple sass want on the bills? An
that they want takin' no stock in
prize punkins, or in rootybagies, or in
mouse-nose 'taters, an that the hess
team want gointer pull 'g'fnst the
yoke O. steers9 Gosht'lmighty, shurff.
The folks o Sugar swamp d a-riz up ez
one man, bgosh! They'd a-tool the
bosses O that fair out an rid 'em on
rail from Dan to Beersheeby! They'd
a-ripped down tents, an they'd a-slath=
er'd sheds, an they'd a-druv things
afore 'em clean to the mountains O.
Hepsidam, b'gosh, where the whang-
noodle mourneth for her young! What!
A fair without no four-minute trot fer
hosses bred in the county! A fair with
out no double-headed calf! But, say,
shurff, yer foolin', hain't ye? Tha must
a-ben double headed calf at this fair
ye ben to-"
Not one, major"
Not even a stuffed one?"
mot even a stuffed one"
Then, sir, b'gosh, no wonder the
kentry is totterin'! A fair where tha's
a lot o heather gals from Afferky or
Injy, or some'rs else where tha hain't
much money wasted fer cloes, dancin'
an wigglin' an cavortin', an no four
minute hosees bred in the county! A
! fair where thas a drove O hump
| backed camels chawin' hay. an no
double-headed calf! Pommygranits
from the dessert. .isles, 'spect, an not a
durn rootybagy from Sugar Swamp
! nor nowheres else! Nanny from the
| 'Gypshin wildernest, mebbe, an not a
sight nor smell of a mouse-nose
'tater! Reserves put up, l spose, in
all the languages tha is under the blue
canopy O heaven, an not ez much ez a
pint O good or-fashioned cider apple
sass! But all o them could be stood up
ag'in if tha were only a double headed
calf! Think ag'in, shurff! Didn't We see
one some'rs, even if it were stuck way
off in one corner o the fence? Even if
it were only little bit O. one? Don't
seem to me ez if they could be fair
that didn't hev no double headed calf
Be yo' sartin sure, shurff?"
Sure as can be, major" persisted
the sheriff There was no double
headed calf
''Then," exclaimed the Old Settler
that fair has give agricultur in this
kentry a setback that it won't git
over, b'gosh, fer forty year, not il
they fetch over ev'ry gal that is il
Egypt an Afferky an Injy an set 'em
to dancin' till tia hain't dud left or
'em! When fairs begins to give double
! headed calls the go-by in tins kentry
! shurff, agricultur' mowt ez well go an
but say, shurff, mebbe they had q
root-h'istin tushwobbler out there
Tha's some hope fer agricultur' if they
had one o them root-h'istin' tushwob
ble-s at the fair. They had so many
durn curious critters an things, raket
an scraped from evry hole an corne
O the 'arth, 'cordin' to your tell, tina
they must had tushwobbler. An
if they had a tushwobbler, course the,
must had a flock O. bibsnooks. The,
couldn't had one without t'other, TO
! the tushwobbler can't git along with
out the bibsnooks no more'n the bib
snooks kin git along without the tush
wobbler. / hope ye seen jist one root
, h'istin' tushwobbler, anyhow, shurff
with it's flock O bibsnooks, at the fail
If ye did, agricultur' may git over
yit. Did YEP"
; The sheriff seemed to be too muc
: amazed to answer the Old Settler an
the latter resumed his subject.
"Tha want nuthin'," said he, ''e
give young agricultur' IN the fust day
shove forrid than the root-h'istin' tusl
l wobbler. But he were an oncommo
curious critter, an showed how natu
/ usety lay herself out, b'gosh, to MAX
. things handy fer Sugar Swamp. Th
/ root-h'istin' tushwobbler were twent,
: seven foot long, not countin' his nos
which were nine foot long, made
: horn harder'n iron an built for usil
ez a scoop or pry or a crowbar. II
i | were SudpCu LdC ~ llfAS d SceSdI3 d
his eyes an his ears was sot on h
body jist about where ye mowt say h
tail fined it. The tushwobbler's bus
. ness were to dig down clean to til
e lowest roots O. trees an hist the tree
out, roots an all, fer the only thing
I lived on were the roots O trees; so
: his eyes an ears had been in his hea
they wouldn't a ben no use to hin
cause they'd been stuffed full O di
It all the time. So natur' fitted 'em L
/ high an dry on the critters rump, a
consekently he know'd all that wei
/, goin' on under ground an 'bove groun
though he mowt be twenty foot dow
t in the airth, diggin' an pryin' a
s scoopin' the roots loose SOS he cou
hist 'em out-an' tha want no hurl
e cane ez ever gallivanted through Il
II woods could do it quicker'n he cou
or half ez proper. About six foot
!, the tushwobblers hind end were stuC
full O. the cur'ousest holler thin!
It that looked like spiles, an they w
spiles, too. They was mebbe fol
inches long and had quarter-inC