The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1893-08-05
HUMOROUS.

Baseball is the nobleSt of all out.
door sports so long as the home club
wins.-Washington Evening News.
Many may understand woman. but
it generally puzzles her horse to tell
what she is driving at.-Buffalo Cour-
Ter.
-When You see a rattlcsnakc with
ten ~rattles and a button, you touch the
button and the snake will do the rest.
Texas Siftings.
An Expensive Luxury-Mac-'What
was the cause of Jackson's failure??'
Mul-"He to raise a crop of vegetables
in his back yard, I believe brooklyn
Eagle.
WHO says two heads are better
than one?" exclaimed Jaggs, as he
woke up the next morning and took a
dose of bromo-soda. PHILADELPHIA
Record.
-"Murkey has a great repution as a
wit, and yet he never tells anything
we'll" Dalton-''No; it's the way he
listens to the others that does the bust
ness."-Inter-Ocean.
They have found a petrified toad
and a petrified cat in one of IL sub
urban towns. 1t is almost time to look
for a petrified liar, but not quite
Providence Telegram.
-Novelist-'I'd like to have nv
heroine do something absolutely
unique!!" Friend-"Yes? Why don't You
have her faint where there's no one
looking?"-Detroit Tribune.
I'VE had a terrible time with the
convention of physicians in our city the
other day" What about?" They
found a disease and then couldn't dis
cover a microbe for it."-Vogue.
-Quiggs-"I told her that she wss
the only girl L ever loved" jerks
What did she say" Quiggs-'.She
replied in a sarcastic way that this
wasn't her first season-Tm afraid
she doubted me."-N. Y. Times
-Nell-"Who was the belle of the
season last summer at Clam Shell
Beach?' Belle-"Nellie Smith was the
belle, l guess At any rate she got the
most rings."-Philadelphia Record.
Lady Ito sea captain)-"How do
you manage TO find your way across the
ocean," Captain-"By the compass.
The needle always points to morrill,
But suppose you go south?"-Tit-Bits.
mo, l am not ambitious" sail
Nudge. 81 don't want to possess more
of this worlds goods than other people.
All ask is that other people possess
less than I do."-Indianapolis Journal.
-'Our taycher says that livery man
should thry to get to the top" said
little Micky Dolan. ''Thrue for the
taycher," responded Micky's father,
''onless yez happen to be startin' to dig
a'welL"
Nearly everybody around here
speaks of old Weatherstock's fortune
as a round Million I notice" Eyes;
you see, they only know the methods
he used in getting 1t We're anything but
square Buffalo Courier.
-'Isn't it odd that Miss WalIflower
has never married." Eyes it is; for she
has been throwing herself at the mems
heads for the las: fifteen years.
THAT only shows that she is a poorer
tnrOWef Than tne average run OF WOm.
"-Pittsburgh Chronicle.
From All the Magszines.-Writer
IL am sending my MSS. to the pa.
pers and magazines for the purpose of
making a collection of acceptance
Friend-"Why don't you col
lect declination slips?" Writer-"Oh,
/ have q full set Of them."-Yankee
Blade.
Forced to Lie.-Mrs. Dudley-"Why
do You sigh, john" Mr.. Dudley-.'To
think how hard is the lot of most of our
moral heroes For example, there Is
the illustrious father Of u country,
who r~efrained from telling a falsehood
throughout all the years of his life only
be compelled to lie IN his grav&"-
Azksasaw Traveller,