Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1893-07-04
MAJOR AND MINOR.

learned 10 Talk among tuOeo WY uooo
the language of grown personj The
other morning she incurred the dis
pleasure of her mamma and received
a rebuke betting the offence. she ala
not appear as repentant as was oecpm-
ing her tender years, and the matter
again came under discussion at tne
dinner table, where futher criticism OF
her conduct was INDUCED In by we
parents. Here is where the experience
of the light Of the household with older
persons did her good turn. As the
comments and advice became more
annoying to her, she Strengthened ner
diminutive form with all the dignity OF
an observation-disclosures and etfectuaily
cut of further debate by saying:
'Well, just drop the subject. 1t Is not
an agreeable one to me-" And IL was
dropped, for all listeners were choking
in a vain effort to suppress an outward
expression OF their intense amusement
The doctrine of total depravity could
well be sustained as applicable to the
eephantine species, though classed
as among the most patient and inteili-
gent Of thsbrute creation. The rogue
elephant" is simply incorrigiole, and In
his native wilds is driven from the
| herds to become a wanderer that lives
at enmity with the rest Of creation,
devoting life TO destruction and devas-
| tation. A show wintering in Indiana
had one of these rogues. He was
magnificent specimen, OF immense size
and perfect proportions. But ne was
as intractable as a veteran man-eatlng
| tiger. For years he met all corners
and declined every effort Of the most
| expert trainers. As a final test his
legs were chained down and men went
at him with instruments of torture,
bent on breaking his will. They prod
ded, pierced and bled him without
mercy, but the old hero only fought
back and never uttered a sound In ad-
mission Of his intense paiu. 1t was no
use. lobe would not surrender, and as
a concession to public safety, his exc
cuton was ordered. A loop was placed
about his neck, two of the elephants
that he had often thrashed were hitch
ed TO either end Of the rope and they
pulled with a will. In thirty seconds
lobe was unconscious and few min
utes later had ceased to live. He was
game TO the last kick and died with his
Indomitable will unbroken.
A Baltimore lady has been in trance
for more than week aud all attempts to.
arouse her have proved unavail Ing
we have no diploma or license to pr act
ice, but would only suggest that a
mouse be turned loose in the room.
Mrs. Grumpey-"Here you keep up a
great grumbling about one wife. How
do you think the Emperor OF Morocco
gets along with 5000 wives?"
Grumpey-"Keeps them fighting
among themselve s."
Chauncey NJ. Depew points the way
to better government when he advises
young men to become familiar with
politics, join party, go to caucus and
th row their influence on the side OF
honesty and duty.
Weary Wllliam-'rm dead broke
and haven't had a mouthful TO eat for
two days. Can't you give a fellow a
lift?"
Grumpey-"Yo bet can. Nothing
would please me better" and he gave
Weary William lift with the toe Of a
No. IL boot.
Old gentleman from the head Of the
rs)-"Ethel, that young man goes
to work at o'clock in the morning.
For goodness sake, let him go home and
get some Sleep"
Father-"I hope you have refused
that young jackanapes that has been
! coming here for the last six months,
Daughter-"He has not proposed,
| father"
"What, not proposed! The young
rascall I'll show him, the stuck up
little taiors' advertisement, that he
can't do business on that principle with
member of my family. Prepare your
self to accept him, for he will be here
tonight if Pm living and we'll"
Then she slipped off to her own
room, joyfully murmdring: 81 told
Charley to leave the whole matter to
me-"
Mother-"What are you making up
with that young Smallhead again for?'
Practical neutrality-suspicious. he
keeps a horse and buggy, and further
more the ice cream and soda water
season Is once more approaching.
propose to conduct my youthful tllr'
tatons on business principles"
Dude Son-"Ho, hum; guess I'll &C
into the law"
Practical Father-"You might az
well, for there is nothing under heaven
will make the law go into you"
Marion-"You don't believe that
George is going to marry me just for
my money, do yOu?"
Clara-"No, dearest, I do not.
hink that long stretch Of Woodward
avenue real estate has a good deal to do
with it too"
Fond Mother-'H enry does your
teacher seem 10 love you?"
Henry-"Deed she does. She lays
me right over her knees and pats me
awful hard every day."
First Psrtner-"You've been looking
lean. sallow, bilious, melancholy and list.
less for several months. The best thing
YOU can do is TO break away and take a
| vacation"
Second PartnerA"I guess there is no
other way out of it. Ny vile was
seized with an economical cramp about
six months ago, and has been doing her
| own cooking ever since"
Dood-''How is il that you get the
same salary as do, and have az large
a family as | have, and yet can blow In
| sIO or S12 every week playing poker?"
! Hodd-''You forget, my dear fellow,
! that take in nice little bunch OF
extra money by singing in the church
| choir"
1oso ennlMn TnAnr Ia0a