The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-01-12
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-Husband-"Didn't you promise to
obey me at the altar?' Wife-"Yes; but
we're not there now!'-Tit-Bits
-Visitor-"What is all that noise and
racket in the private Officer" Office Boy
20, that's the silent partner going
over the books. Life.
Durable. Mother MY child is
tongue-tied, doctor" Doctor-"Um-er-
ah-don't worry about that, madam.
1t isn't inherited. Detroit Free Press.
Where have you been, doctor?''
Curing hams" Really? Why don't
you buy them already cured?" You
misunderstood me, guess. I've been
prescribing for a couple of actors. ~
Omaha World-Herald.
He told me l was the only girl he
ever loved" And told it SO that you
believed it?' inquired her confidante.
Yes" 81 would consider his offer
very carefully. He certainly ought to
do well in business. Washington Star.
Mrs Hicks-"Why, Mrs. Dix, how
pale you loolxr' Mrs. Dix-"Yes, I've
been having lots of trouble lately with
a boil" Mrs. Hicks-''Pm so sorry!
Was it on your neck?' Mrs. Dix-"No,
it was on my husband. "-Somerville
Journal.
I'VE don't place any value on things
till we lose them" said Mrs. Smith.
That's So said the Widow Jones; 81
never knew what good husband had
lost until heard the min ster preach
his funeral sermon."-N. Y. Press
Heroic Treatment-Mrs. Watts
''What is that you are making now?"
Mrs Potts-"A smoking jacket for my
husband. If that doesn't cure him of
smoking around the house, l don't
know what will. indianapolis Jour
nal
Keeping His Memory Green. Miss
Enveygh-"Can it be that the Widow
Wonsommer has put aside her weeds so
soon?" Miss Gellus-"No, not entirely.
She is still wearing them several feet
high over her late husbands grave -
Jury.
Look here, Herr Pipser, this canary
you sold me the other day as good
songster hasn't opened his mouth yet"
"Ah, that is because he is a proud bird.
He knows that he has not been paid for
yet; and on credit he does not sing."-
Fliegende Blatter.
She (gushingly)-"T are days
when we seem more in unison with
nature than at other times; when our
hearts seem to beat in accord with the
sublime harmony of the universe.
Have you ever noticed?" lIe-"Indeed
l have. 1t is always that way with me
on pay day"
Wasn't it sad about old Millions
failure?' 'What! has he failed?" Eyes,
gone clean to smash" That's too bad;
he promised me something yesterday
but now in his trouble | will not hold
him to it." That's generous of you
What was it?" ellis daughters hand
in marriage "-Tit-Bits.
"A well-known total-abstinence lee
turer recently delivered himself thusly:
81 have a weapon in my tongue, friends.
with which | propose to kill all fools. {"
Collar him, Mr.. Chairman." yelled a
voice from the back row. Hes a-goin'
to commit suicide. brakes Magazine
-Good-naturcd Friend-"What a
nice-lool1ing little dear it is" Fond
Mother-''Do you think he takes after
me or his dada?" Good-natured Friend
well, don't see any resemblance to
either of you just yet, but you never
can tell, they change so as they grow
up, and sometimes the prettiest babies
grow up,plainest. Fun.
They say that stolen kisses are the
sweetest" he said, as they sat on the
steps looking at the moon. 'Indeed?"
she said. Eyes. What do you think
about it?" 30, l have no opinion at
all; but it seems to me, if were young
man, / wouldn't be long in doubt as to
whether they were or not. IN. Y. Press.