Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-11-13
JUST FOR FUN.

You may jocularly tell man he's
Tyre, but it isn't best to harp on it
too much.
Miss Elderly What would you do
if should tell you my age? He-Mul
tiply it by two.
Necessity knows no law. Being
the mother Of invention, she ought at
least to know the patent law.
/ lam AN OLD MAN.-Shall be 70 years of age
next June, and for the last six years have stuff
| cred from general debility and old age. At
times could not get out of bed without help.
commenced to take Sulphur Bitters. In
| week l felt stronger and got mighty fine
| appetite. I still continued their use and to-
day walked over three miles without feeling
tired, something I haven't done in five years
before. Sulphur Bitters is right smart medi-
tine.-George Broe0n, Keokuk, Toa0a.
Does he write to you regularly since
you became engaged? No; sometimes
I only get one letter day.
In country newspaper appears the
following announcement-A number
of deaths unavoidably postponed.
Teacher-Eleven years old? You are
very small Of your age. Little Girl
Yes'm; we have always lived in fat.
Some one has asked: Where do flies
go in winter? We don't know, but we
wish they would go there in summer
Coughing Leads to Consumption.
Kemp's Balsam will stop the cough at once.
Oh, tut! That's a tramp scheme.
Tramp scheme? What do you mean
by tramp scheme? Oh, it won't
work.
The greatest trial OF patience is a
stammering barrister examining
suffering witness in the presence of
deaf judge.
"Waiter, this plate is cold" ayes,
sir, but the chop is hot, sir, which
think you'll find will warm up the
plate nicely, sir.
It is interesting and somewhat dis
quieting to note how much more iden
LITIGATION it takes to cash check than
it does to get lynched.
Young Sprigg-Mr. Bidquick, I am
worth five thousand dollars, and I
love your daughter. Mr.. Bidquick
(retired auctioneer)-Sold!
Beatrice-I heard that Mr.. Sapley is
suffering from brain fever. Jones-I
guess not. He hasn't the raw mate
rial necessary for brain fever.
A shoemaker advised a customer,
when he complained of his new boots
being tight, not to put them on until
he had worn them day or two.
A man out West who offered bail
for friend, was asked by the judge
if he had any encumbrance on his
farm. Oh, yes, said he, my old wo-
man.
Deans Rheumatic Pills absolutely cure
rheumatism & Neuralgia. Entirely vegeta-
BILE. Safe.
You ought to take this horse; said
the dealer, he is bargain. Well, then,
[ don't want him, said Barlow. [ want
him to drive, and I never could drive
a bargain.
1t has never been decided by com
petent authorities whether snoring
is vocal or instrumental music. Call
ing III Sn00U music doesn't SoGCl0 Uno
matter at all.
How did you fall into the cigarette
habit? [ was on the roof of house
one day and fell to the ground. I
don't understand. 1t knocked me
senseless.
Please give me few pennies to buy
something to eat with. said the beg
gar. To eat with? CALCULATED the
Bostonian. what's the trouble with
your mouth?
Downs Elixir will cure any cough cold,
no matter Of how long standing.
Weary Watkins don't want no
more sleep again for a year. Wan
dering Willyum - Wot's eltin' you?
Weary Watkins slep last night and
dreamed [ was workin'
Well, said an up town Mrs. Parting
ton, Mrs. Rich has just got back after
six months in the inferior of Europe.
She said they managed to travel very
we'll with an interrupter.
Mr.. Sealove, visiting at the sea-
shore-My dear, please tell our daugh-
ter to sing something less doleful.
Mrs. Sealove-That is not our daugh-
ter. That is the fog horn.
Do not suppose that because it is recon