The morning call., 1893-04-23
A CHILD LAWYER.
bits" in a Police Court
Roundup.
TEMPESTS IN MANY TEAPOTS.
Ladies Who Can't Agree and Others
Who Won't Be Honest-Wise At
torneys and Weary Judges.

the latter enjoys the distinction of tabllat-
ing brief records OF more domestic differ
ences of opinion" and petty rows gen.
orally, than Can be claimed for any other
day in the week.
On Saturday morning petty larcenists.
assaulters. "yags" of every description, and
people who boast that they thirst for the
blood of some particular enemy. malefac-
tors OF every race and nationality are
rounded up and tired, convicted or acquit-
led with the rapidity of sausage machine.
Mamie Donovan for stealing a purse"
cries the clerk, and the young lady stands
up in the dock
or honeyed tongue but sinister purpose is
Hiss Mamie Donovan, opposite whose aris-
toeratic name the minious of the law had
written petty larceny"
MISS Donovan has tnrned-up nose, a
chaiky complexion, n tough gait and a bad
reputation.
Armed with these qualifications and an
alleged attorney she faced Mr.. Heinrich
Gusterman, who complained of her as fol-
lows:
Il vos comm home at Won O'CLOCK. Dis
woman she walk up to me und she says, Wy,
hullo. darlin.' l says, Go away; [ hat no
use for you'
skyeeze me. und says, 'Ain'tit beautiful
Elde, und shOost in Won second she hat her
hant in my pans booklet ind bull out mine
burse, und run sh0ost like tunder der streeG
up.
''Py kracious, l vos mad. l ketch her
kvick und holt her tide rnd holler: b.
lice! Bolicep She fee and kick ind try to
Dide, und she says, shOOst like cat: You
let ko, you oft Tuchman.
i says: No. no; you skveeZe me before;
l skveeze you now. An'd it beaudiful
nide?'
Den the policeman comes up, und ven
ne dakes her away | says once more, says,
ON, vosent IT, you bet, beautiful hide
. And they found Mary guilty and gave her
the limit of the law.
ReIugia Sarloral and Sardinia Terranzni
are two Young ladies Of pure Castiian blood,
who, unlike the little brides in their
nests" cannot agree.
These little cases are settled in a kind of
informal way, so the two black-eyed
dalasels who, during their late unpleasant
ness, have cultivated their finger-nals
rather more extensively than the English
language, came up to Judge Conlan's desk
accompanied by an interpreter.
Tine Prosecuting Attorney in the interest
oil peace and quiet, stands near by. so as to
prevent the ladies from burying their
pretty white teeth in each others faces in
case the discussion takes tragic turn.
Now, what's the matter with You two
girls, any ?" asks the court.
Refugia whispers in the right ear OF the
interpreter, who Immediately translates:
This lady she has many times threat
ened my life, saying she may any day cut
me up with the knife"
Sardinia stabs Refugia with a glance and
whispers her answer IN the interpreters
left.ear.
This lady has said that am very ugly,
resembling Chinese woman and have
stolen her shoes, and she has many times
in passing struck me here"
Refugia scOwls diabolically and rejoins
that the lady is the talk Of the street and
cannot go in good society, wherenpOn Sar-
DINA replies that the lady has lied like the
pawnbruker and that the lady is no better
than the dogs that quarrel in the street,
while she loves peace and is highly re-
speeted lady.
The fingers are distended. the nails CLEAN
and the arms are rising. The Prosecuting
Attorney steps close to the interpreter and
the two form a solid wall between the two
ladies al Spanish pedigree.
Now you girls promise not to modest
each other. and III let you 60. Otherwise
Phi give You thirty DAYS
The ladies are smiles at once. 1.-THE
blessings of the saints be on the head of the
compassionate Judge"
They bury the Ratchet. embrace fondly,
and walk out of the courtroom with arms en-
twined.
Unfortunately. however, Castilian beau
ties are not The only ladies whn occasionally
fall out with each other, in this eosmopoli-
tan city.
Witness the next case, which concerns
the disagreement between Irene Kelly aud
her hitherto stanch friend, Maggie Sui
Ivan.
Maggie invited Irene to leave her pleas
ant home in the Garden City and come and
make her nice long visit, which irene did.
After months stay the ladies found that
the town was not quite big enough to con-
tain them both, SO Irene went home and
wrote to Maggie to send on her trunk, which
Maggie refused to do. Irene had her ar
rested.
"What do you think her excuse wasp"
asked Maggie of Judge Joachjmsen.
I'm sure | couldn't guess" replied the
court, who is a poor hand at cunundrums
"Sbe said | owed her $50 for board, aud
she held the trunk as security, after she in
vited me to come and keep her company
The gall of that Woman, Judge, is perfectly
friGhtful
She tore my silk skirt one Sunday night
when we had some company and refused to
paw for it," said Miss Sullivan, on the de-
fensive. perhaps she didn't know what
she was doin'. but she oughter paid for it.
anyhow. So | says, Now, yer nasty thing
i says, III keep yer trunk fer your board
and lodging"
Give Us S. and we'll call it square," said
Miss SulllYan's attorney.
DO you take us for a gold mine ?" replied
the legal talent retained by Miss Kelly.
"Oh, give her the trunk and sue her for
the skirt said the court in weary tone.
oil young women are gradually under
mining once vigorous constitution.
III you'd only drink less beer and read
your Bible moro there wouldn't need to be
so many Police courts.
HE steeler de oliver oler,'' exclaimed
excitable Signor G. Tore, gesticulatng
wildly
II am OF the firmer Tore & Cademartori,
general merchandise. De boy re come in.
How yOu do? what you want?' | say. He
grabber the bottle oiler; he run cut and go
up the street"
SignOr Tore ended his denunciation by
shaking his fist at little Tuffy, aged II. v no
stood with his arms behind him, imper-
tnrbably chewing gum.
The complaint said that he had "lhen
and there" stolen the bottle OF oil, all of
United States, contrary to the form, force
aud effect of The statute" etc.
Y on are charged with petty larceny, my
boy, and are entitled to counsel" said
Judge Campbell.
Don't want no counsel" said Tuffy. OK
pectorating between his little front teeth.
'Dey trow down yer case fer 10 cents. Pm
on ter dem lawyers"
He was also onto their procedure. He
expectorated once more and began his cross
examination.
Now, yer say ye saw me in yer storeP"
"YO on walkee into my store"
Yer lie" said Tnffy, politely.
Here, you're a little too fast" said the
court.
Makes good Police Court attorney"
commented spectator.
What time of de day or night was lat?''
Seven or eight o'clock at night"
Tnify turned his impudent little freckled
uose IN The direction of Judge Campbell.
Now submit to de court that de Dago's
lying. dow could he tell dat it was me in
de dark. | kin bring witnesses to prove
dat wasn't in de Dago's store dat day at
ALL"
appearance of his father, who was allowed
to take him home on promising in the
future to see that the boy armed less
Police Court law and more honesty.