St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-12-24
BOB HAGERsoN's CHRISTMAS.
How the Meanest Boy in Town Observed thu
Happy Days.

By common consent Bob Hagerson was the
meanest boy in town. And it required a holi-
ay-particularly Christmas-to bring out all
the latent depravity of his nature. Bob was in
the habit of spending half his time at a livery
stable in the neighborhood. His ambition was
to be either horse tanner or a street-car driver.
So far as any one could see he cared for nothing
in particular but. horses. A short apprentice
ship was sufficient to acquaint him with all the
technical and profane terms of the livery stable
business and he could make use of them with
the most accomplished hack driXer.
Bob's father succeeded after much difficulty
in placing him in a grocery store in the hope of
weaving him from the stable and making a
merchant of him, It was sad day for Bob
The store had to be kept open awhile on
Christmas morning and Bob was left in charge.
The first customer to call was lady who
wanted to purchase bottle of horseradish.
"Have you any good horseradish?" she
asked.
If Bob could not be horse tanner or drive a
team he could at least, as grocer's clerk,
bring to bear all his livery stable intelligence in
waiting on a customer who wanted to buy
horseradish. And he was mean enough to do it.
Good boss radish?" he repeated. 'Ishould
say we have. We have the most remarkable
hossradish in the Market and he pulled a bot
tie from the. shelf and rolled it along the
counter. Observe its gait" he went on.
How is that for the saddle' There's a boss
radish that L can recommend. There's an A.
No. /. family hossradish. Can warrant it to
work anywhere. It's sixteen hands high,
without a spot or blemish, and can drag a
family carriage at q 2:30 clip
The lady looked at Bob with some astonish-
ment. She wanted the horseradish, however,
and ventured to ask if it was strong.
'Strong?" echoed Bob. ''You have my word
for it that it is the strongest hossradish that
ever looked through collar. Why, you can
take it right out of your phaeton after speeding
it on the track, hitch it to stone sled and if it
doesn't draw more than steamboat I'll knock
it in the head. Fact is, it is heavy-draught
hossradish with the leetness of Nancy Hanks
and it doesn't scare at the cars
at meant to ask" said the lady, very much
confused by this jargon, if it is sharp-does it
bite?"
"Bite? no; it's as gentle as a sucking dove.
Wouldn't bite the smallest child. Seems kind
of sad-like when it has to take the bit in its
mouth And kick2 You couldn't make that
hossradish kick unless you tickled its heels
with a straw, and Bob punched the bottle in
the side in proof of its excellent disposition.
The lady took the bottle up and looked at it
as if to find some explanation for all this irrel-
evance.
"That's right exclaimed Bob. "Look it
over carefully. Never buy a pig in poke. Elk
anime it closely for ringbone, SPAWN, poll evil,
quarter crack, heaves, humps, mumps, bumps,
dumps, grumps or anything else under the
shining sun. If you find it is not as sound as
a new bass drum the hossradish is yours
without costing you red cent, and nice set
of silver-mounted harness thrown in. Shall
wrap it up?"
The lady said she would call later with a
halter.
Bob locked up the store after while, and
went to the livery stable where he could enjoy
himself like Christian as he said. But he was
too mean to stay there and made his appearance
at a residence in the neighborhood and, appar-
emily much agitated, said to the lady Of the
house who came to the door:
81 don't want to alarm you, but have i'm
portant news. came up from the livery stable
to tell you"
Good heavens, what is it 2"
"Why, you know your little boy Aleck, what
we can't keep out of the stables"
"Wen, well -
81 told Aleck just now not to go into the
stable among the bosses, but he wouldn't mind
me-
Gracious heavens, what has happened?''
"Aleck said he wanted to see what a mule
would do when you tickled his heels with a
straw"
"Heavensi '' gasped the lady, as she chung to
the door for support.
"Well, ma'am, your little boy Aleck got a
straw, snuck up behind a sorrel mule. tickled
him on the heel and"
The lady started for the sidewalk.
"And the blamed beast never lifted a hoof, y
concluded Bob as he raised his hand and de
tanned her. Never so much as switched his
paint brush tail. It's a mighty lucky thing fol
Aleck that he didn't, too. Thought you would
like to hear it, and he shot around the corner
and back to the livery stable.
tits the opinion of the neighbors that a boy
as mean as Bob, and one with his inclination
for horses and meanness combined, must ulti
| mately bring up as the proprietor of an estab
ishment where horse n1sadE fen beef.
3. Y. CalswEIL