The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1893-03-16
Husbands for Cash.


York short time ago Unlike many
immigrants, she came well supplied with
funds, which she proposed to place,
where they would bring her the largest
amount of interest. But unfortunately
before she had found mortgage or a
piece of real estate that suited her fancy
she happened to see an advertisement in
a German paper offering to supply good
husbands for cash at the lowest market
rates. This struck her at once as most
excellent opportunity to combine specu-
lation with sentiment, and the more she
thought of it the better she liked the
idea. Accordingly, with that simple
trust in the goodness and truth of man
which is so admirable and delightful q
trait in the feminine character she called
upon the agent to make inquiries, and
upon his assurance that hecould furnish
her with first-class matrimonial securi-
ty for SIG, she paid down her money with
mingled feeling of maiden coyness and
business citation at having made SO
shrewd a bargain, and went home to
await her purchase. Happily for her
he was not delivered, and though she
has lost her SIC, she may be thankful
she has not loaded herself down for life
with domestic burden which she could
never get rid of.
And from this tale of SIG worth of woe
hangs moral which other feminine in
vestors may find it worth while to re-
member when they go into the matri-
monial market. We are accustomed to
hearing of Western agencies for the sup
ply of wives in that sparsely settled secs
ton, but an agency for providing hus-
bands in the East, where they grow, as
it were, on every bush, and, it might be
supposed, could be had for the asking,
strikes us at first as rather curious and
unnecessary. But it is not merely
husband, but a good husband that every
unmarried woman is in search of, and
this kind is not easy to find. Probably
the entirely desirable male consort is as
rare as Solomon's ideal wife. And, by
the way, would it not have been inter
esting to have had Mrs. Solomon's de-
scription of the ideal husband? 1t would
unquestionably made very spicy reading,
and if we had it as a companion picture
to that in the 31st chapter Of Proverbs,
the male head of the house would be
likely to dwell with less delight upon
these words of the wise Jewish King,
and to quote them with less gusto and
frequency. Solomon gets his ideal wife
up before daylight, and has her working
hard at all manner of occupations, but
he does not say what the husband was
doing in the meantime. Likely enough
he was lying in bed and waiting for her
to cook breakfast. And here it may be
remarked that in all probability this
was how Solomon got his reputation for
wisdom. He knew how to make Mrs.
Solomon do all the work Will he got all
the credit. While she was spinning and
planting vineyards, and buying land,
and going to market and all the rest, he
was sitting among the elders of the land
sin the gates,'' or public places, where it
is more than intimated that he was well
known. In other words, he was looking
wise and having good time while she
was pulling the whole household load.
And a few words of praise were sufficient
them as they have been ever since, to
make the good wife wear out body and
soul for her lord and master. Why
doesn't some hearty man-hater, like Miss
Susan B. Anthony, write description of
the ideal husband? If she did, most
men would consider 1t good policy to
stop quoting from the thirty-frst chap
ter of Proverbs.
This, however, is another story, as Mr..
Kipling would say, though it is related
to the main theme under consideration,
and not very far removed either from
the romance of our pretty German girl.
To return to her, sixteen dollars does
not seem a high price to pay for good
husband, and if ladies can be certain
they are getting genuine goods, one yard
wide, warranted to stand the wear and
tear of domestic life, and not to run
away from their duties-they may con-
slider such man an excellent investment
and cheap at the price. But the diff
Guilty is that all men who can be secured
for money-whether their price be $16,
or 81, 900, 000-are a job lot and not worth
even the trouble of looking at. When
they come to be worn in everyday life,
the gloss soon rubs off them, they shrink
and fade, and show Enthusiastically that
they are the purest shoddy. If, like a
poor and ill>fitting garment, they could
be thrown aside, it would not be SO bad,
I.,f no ;efo ;,
mate must generally be retained to the
end. He is not only worthless, but he is
source of sorrow and injury, and the
unfortunate woman who has invested in
him bitterly rues the day when she
bought him. Ladies with fortunes who
are in search of welded bliss should
make sure, as far as possible, that they
are getting genuine men, not make BIZ
peds who are for sale to the highest bid
der, mere worshippers of the golden calf,
as were the adorers of Hoods heroine.
The fortune hunters may say ever so
prettily-"Goldyloc Goldylocks, wilt
thou be mine?n in touching parody Of
the nursery rhyme, but Goldylocks
should decline to exchange her goi'i
bonds for anything less precious than :.
heart of gold, charm her suitors never so
wisely If she can't get that, she hal
better put her money in pet dog. j
poodle at twice the price of the man
would be a source of far more comfort
and of thousand times less worry.
The appointment of Samuel Cuisine
Thompson as one of the Judges of the
Supreme Court of Pennsylvania makes
the fourth member of the Board of Di-
rectors of the Equitable Trust Company
who has been appointed to important
public office since the organization OF
the Trust Company, about three years
ago. The first member of the board to
be appointed was William F. Harrity
who was selected as Secretary of the
Commonwealth. The second was George
M. Dallas, who was appointed Judge
of tho Circuit Court of Amman lie Of 1 IL