The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-03-15
WIT AND HUM0R.

an acquaintance rattles him.-PMtGdet-
pisa Times.
%What is that midnight musicP" 20,
only lot of students serenading the
pawnbroker. ~ Fliege'ade Blatter.
No young man ever carved for
tune out Of white pine goods box
with pocketknife. Buffalo E1press.
An upright Judge needn't be asham-
ed of his sentences even in the pres
ence of the -stritcest grammarians.-
Troy Press.
When a man inherits portion of
goodly estate he has no trouble in find
Ing people ready to stake his part."--
Yoaskers Gazette.
When a wife counsels her husband
to come straight home after an even
ing banquet she means it in more
senses than one.-BoStosa Transcript.
The man who is able to travel ex-
tensively can generally learn enough
in a year to make bore of himself all
the rest of his hfe.-Teras SJtisgs.
Wife-"Darling, wish you would
let me have $40 today" Husband
@Why, you seem to think married
an heiress. my dear" BrooStyn Life.
whats all this talk about elevating
the stage, dear" "Er-I believe they
are trying to bring it into contact
with the skirts. Indianapolis Jour
nal.
losing its temper and woman is that
the former becomes duller and the
latter more cutting. = Philadelphia
Times.
Briggs-@I can't understand what
keeps P, x. @. stock so firm these
days" Braggs-"Guess the water in
it has frozen solid" = Indianapolis
Journal.
"pd rather write than read poetry"
said young Asinus. 81 imagine your
verse is easier to write than read, re-
joined the satirical Miss Bostone.-
Vogue.
Jagg-"I tell you, sir, some way has
got to be found to knock out the in
famous whisky trust" Seldomso-
Suppose you swear off" = Brandon
Bucksas0.
Jagsby-aWife, (hic). was held up
on M way 'ome." Mrs. Jagsby (sar-
castically )-"You wouldn't have never
got home if you hadn't been. Pitts
burg Bulletin.
@The early bird gets the worm" !"
mused the big owl. "I1l just hang
round in leisurely way till he does,
and then I'll take it away from him. !"
- Washington StGr.
When man begins by saying, aOs
course it is none Of my business. but"
1t is q sign that he is going to make it
his business, and advise you what to
do.-Atchison Globe.
wont you try to love me-" he
pleaded. sNo, Mr.. Adams. l cannot,
she answered. Il am not over strong
and my physician has advised me not
to do too much. - Vogue.
Mother Ito her child who has just
had some sweets given her by the mar
opposite) e)-@What do you say to the
eentleman, Mabelp" Mabel = "Have
you got any more, pleased p"-Judy.
Guest-"What precautions have you
here in case of fre?" Hotel Clerk
~We have fire escapes from every floor
All you have to do is to make your way
to one of them and fall off."-M Y
Weekly.
@This thing of twying to keep 6
diary" said Willie Washington, al
ducedly distressing. If you dom
write in it you feel ashamed of your
self, and if you do you feel more SO.
Washington Star.
Judge Cumming up the eyidence)-
@No allowance could be made for tht
declaration of defendant that he wa
intoxicated, since he was not as mucl
intoxicated as the law prescribes. -
Fztegende Blatter.
Drill Sergeant gallant Umpty-ninth
Now, thin, Cassidy, what is th
fir-r-st movement in .'bout face'P" Re
cruit-@Whin the command is givel
yez advance the roight fut three inch
es ter the rear. - Brooklyn Life.
Something happens every day t
keep a man from becoming proud
He either runs across pictures of him
self as naked baby, or is shown sen
timental verses he signed his name T.
In girls album.-Atcbiso,s Globe.
aI hear that crinoline is gong to
worn again." remarked Bliffers. "Ah!
sighed Goggins. @that means box a
the theater instead of seat; bui
thank heaven, their won't be room i
the box for chaperon, too. ~ Harper
BazGr.
aCan't we get some ventilationp
asked passenger on a crowded Nj
nothin'of me but transfers, /" replied th
conductor. aThe company don't Civ
me no ventilation to give out."-B!j
falo Courier.
"This talk about it being more ex
pensive to live when married tina
when single is all rot,n said Groomley
"Why. I've been married year, an
save just as much as I used to.
Sand how much is thatp" Nothing.
-Bufalo Express.
sDear old Doctor Orthodox doesn'
appear to be as happy in Paradise 8
he ought to be-" "True, he does loo
gloomy. What shall we do to max
him feel more at home?" 81 can
think of anything. Yes I can. Let L
try st. Paul for heresy. Life.
Carlisle Mamma, here comes th
trainboy; now won't you buy me SON
mixed candyP" Mamma-"You sal
that if / would take you on the cal
you wouldn't ask for any mixed cal
dy." Carlisle-@Then get me som
that isn't mixed. Indianapolis Jou'
nal.
He-I am afraid our wedding wi
have to be postponed for while, dea
est She-Great heavens! WhyP 3
II have been figuring a little, and
find that have given you so man
expensive presents that would not
able to pay the taxes on themp-L
dianqpolis Journal.
Lady of the house (to the new cir
-"I cannot allow Iyou to keep
follower of your own. There is co
poral who comes to our house ever
Sunday; he is accustomed to our way
and all my former servants have ha
him for a sweetheart; you can hay
him too."-Ne6elspGtter.
It was raining in torrents. "Julie
said madame to her maid, "be quic
and run across to the milliner's ar
tell her not to- forget my hat" "Can
take Azor out with me, madame
*Are you mad, Julie? Can't you 81
for yourself that the weather is n
- +,r,1 - Of 1O0rs