Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-05-11
TALES OF THREE BENJAMINs.
stories of The "Perfesh" Told While
Waiting for an .Angel."

ST orics of The "Perfcsh" Told While
Waiting for an "Angei.'
An overcoat edged with muskrat
fur, an ulster adorned with ruff OF
jack rabbit skin and rusty ginger
colOred Benjamin bobbed up and
down in the wintry blasts that swept
through West Twenty-eighth street,
says the New York Recorder The
contents of each kept jigging away
for dear life to prevent their blood
from coagulating.
You look sort of green around the
gills," said the rat-fur to the ginger
colored one. "Got the grip, eh9n
suffering like Old Harry from
dyspepsia" replied old rusty.
'Hayon't eaten a mouthful in forty
eight lours"
mo leg pulling" interpolatcd the
rabbit.skin. tiptoeing from one foot
to the other. IL reckon you haven't
any grub to eat
"That'll do You now; I'm tired OF
hearing about not eating" holly re-
torted old ginger, pausing in q
pirouette to glare at the skin of the
bounding rabbit "When | say dys-
popsia | mean dyspepsia, not hun
ger
''All right, all right. | meant no
harm, thought yon were giving Us
little guii,
Il never CUFF about my stomach
wen, il you are talking on the
| ri,-,
Don't want it. Eve tried 'em all"
Il don't doubt it," remarked the
rabbit topcoat II rccollect when
Dan Bandmann had rheumatism he
vowed he cured it with a salve made
of green grease paint and cat fat
Talking about green paint, said
the ulster, Billy Burton made him
self 80 unpopular with the stage
hands in De Barr's hOu that in
stead Of catching him when he dipped
through vampire trap they left
bHshel or so OF screw eyes. gimlets
and lacks at the foot of the shute,
and poor Bill pumped right into
them. He WITS knocked deaf, dumb
and blind. They carried him up to
the green room and when the doctor
came he found Bills legs all notified
with grecnybluc splotches.
''As the first doctor could make
nothing of it he sent for a fellow
physician, but before the second one
came Eill came to his senses, and
relieved the sawbones by explaining
that as he was unable to procure a
Mi of 70
in, he put on pair Of feshings. and
slipped up to the paint frame had the
artist lay on Il coat or two of size and
color, which had oozcd through and
cnamelcd his legs
That reminds mo remarked the
rabbit skin ruff, 'sof green apple
pie and John L. Owens. You both
remember what II retulent old bird
he was, One night in Ellsler's house
he bit into q pic in the dinner scene
in The Cricket on the Hearth piece.
and spat out the first moTthtul. The
curtain hadn't hit the stage before
Owens was yelling for props When
props appeared he let fly the re-
nainder Of the pie and roarcd,
49, ~ htIt u Ill MIMI VI PFC W tS lldl'
.Al-rL-mincc pie stammerel the al
frighted props 'Mincc! Mince you
dod-gasted idiot don't you know by
this time that Ill eat nothing but
apple pie in this scene?'"
That's just like him." said the
gingcr-tinted coat, always as hot as
pepper. But talking of hot tenn
l,
fruu?"
"Ie was u cuckoo" answered the
rabbit-siIin.
''Chanfrau was once rehearsing
Kit, in Cincinnati, and things didn't
60 pat enough in the barroom scene
10 suit him. The company didn't fly
around quick enough when the shoot
inc began. He was particularly sore
on one man who played the coon
waiter, whose business it was to
spring over and hide behind the bar
rs soon as the first shot was fired.
"lle just simply crawled over
Frank was growing madden and mad
der every minute till at last he. ex-
claimed. Look out there, This is
the way | want it DONE Forgetting
that he was no longer a youngster, he
rushed across the stage and bounded
over the bar; but his toes caught its
edge. his nose cut chip out of the
edge of fiat and he fell all tangled
up, So
"Say, interrupted the jack rabbit
ruff, there goes old man Bunnell. |
wonder if he's looking for talent?
Let's brace him.
Thcreupon the three Benjamins
gave chase to the manager, running
him to earth in an agents Office"