Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1893-03-25
PITH AND POINT

The black art-Polishing Shoes
Truth.
Matchless-The man who asks you for
light.
The coal miner is generally above his
business after working hours. -Pniia lei
phia Record.
Polish is good thing in society, ex-
cept when it's worn on the coat. p ala
delphia Record.
A horse can travel mile without
moving more than four feet. Funny,
isn't it2-Statesn.an.
If stolen fruit is always the sweetest,
why shouldn't poacned egg he higily
decentralization Courier.
1t is good thing for the rest of us
that civil engineers can't be monarchs Of
all they survey.-Troy Press.
Even in our conversation
Tnere's a tendency 70 shirk.
And our minis just take it easy
While our mouths do all the work.
w ashington Star.
A small boy in a Germantown public
school recently informed the teacde7 mat
the plural of swan was SWINE. -Phlladel-
phia Record.
New Father -"What's the baby cry
ing fort" Mother -"Because [ told hun
he looked like ou."-New York Morn.
ing Journal.
Because man clings to the old
fashioned lamp-post is no sign that he
doesn't approve of the electric light. -
Chicago lnter-O Ocean.
"Does he know anything about book
keeplngf' "Wel, l should saJ so !;
won't anyone In town loan hin one. -
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Oo, wnat is the use
Oh rise in yoaf station,
With poun OF ablSa
10 an ouncs of ovationt
-Washins tou Sta
Priest-"Well, Biddy, so Pat naa
been lighting again, see." Bjddy Ma.
lone-"Begorra, yer Riverance, it's hlm-
self that's nlver at pace widout he's
fo,ghsiI k-Fun.
Y.-"Do you believe Schiller when
he says that the best wonaa ID t1e oas
waom nobody talks about?' If
rather think 1T is the one who talks
about nobody !'-P "a Iderec&e
Mrs. Tawker-''I found tae luncheon
at Mrs. Bookworm's al awful stu Did
affair" Mrs. Grinder (wno wasn't n
vited)-''I expect so, dear; you see tneY
were all braiuy people. Inter Ocean.
'Discharge the cook," her huioin erie /;
her tears began to a NV.
"fve done that nuc !, an now, she sighe |,
Youth have to make ner g."
-Waoning ton Star.
Mrs. Brobson-"T though you sail
this was roomy fat" Brob5ou-
swell, amt it, Seven rooms in space
eight feet by twenty-tnreo is roomy
enough for me!"-K4te Fiel3s WASH
ington.
He-"Why do you invite that awful
Mrs. Cable, wnen you dislike her 500"
she-"Ob, she is the only person WAC
will listen when l tell all the smart
things the baby can do."-Cnica 20 In-
ter Ocean.
"To think that my Ethel shoulG have
Fer. She never hears ma nina talk IN
that way to him. Ethel (stoutly; -
"Well, but you choosed him and l
didn't. "-lid-Blts.
"Mayer," said the principal, on the
twenty ninth day of the month, to one
of his clerks, Tiny memory is so treaca.
erous l forget everything. Just remind
me on the first to give you motto, to
quit. LA Semana Comica.
az assure you am innocent of tie
crime for which 1 am sent here" sad
the new prisoner. "On, get outl" yelled
the Warden. "Thank you. shall be
delighted" replied tine unfortunate as la
started for the door.-Detroit Tribute.
Uncle Andre Ito his nephew )-"You
should always be modest, my child"
Nephew-'I have thought that matter
over, uncle. There is just one objection
to modesty-people are apt to take you
at your own va uation PARTS Figaro.
The clock, expensive bee ,uss antiqu.
Remarked in a merry chime,
There's fun, you see in having me-
For l am a high old time"
Washington Star.
Brown (settling with undertaken
"Very kind of you to take so much
trouble over this sad affair, Mr.. Smith.
We're very grateful" Uudertaker-
"Don't mention it, sir. No trouble at
all, assure you. olly too Apply
Judy.
Aunt Joan-'tWell, my boy, how are
your Jack-"Pretty well, thanks
not over bright" Aunt Joau-"Your
hand, JACK. like man who tells toe
truth. I've often thou ,ht you're not
over bright, and now I'm corroboraIed
by such responsible witness I'm sure of
Judy.
The kind-hearted lady, as Is the GUS
tom of kind hearted ladies, had Just
asked Mr.. Hungry Higgins il he had a
trade. "Yes'm," answered Hungry, 81
have, but there don't seem to be no call
for it." "And what is it, prsy1'
"Sswin' wood" The klnd hearted LADY
has not recovered yet from her astonlsa-
ment.-Indlsnapolis journal.
To Clean Canary Birds,