The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-11-30
THE OLD SETTLER.
He and tho Sheriff Discuss the
Worlds Fair.

of the sights of the White City was list
ened to by the boys at the tavern with
open mouths and bullying eyes. When
he described. almost in a whisper, the
things he had seen at the Midway Plat
nnce, among others the oriental dances.
even the landlord got up and exclaimed:
Thunder! But / wisht I'd a ben
there, shurif y
And the squire moved about i'll his
chair and said:
at beats all! I'll bate if them folks
ID come here an do anything o that
kind they'd soon get ducked up yender
in the mill pond! An var seen it, did
We, shurff!"
.'Yes." replied the sheriff. "Yar bet
did"
.sThunder!" exclaimed the landlord,
going behind the bar and taking four
fingers of the best. But wisht I'd
ben thcrc."
But the Old Settler sat in his chair
without word. His lips were COM
pressed and he looked straight ahead
into vacancy lie was listening, but
nothing the sheriff talked about in two
hours verbal panorama OF the worlds
fair seemed To he of any moving inter
est TO him. At last, when the sheriff
had exhausted his subject and himself
and ceased talking, the Old Settler
came out of the vacancy. He showed
his hat to the back of his head and,
turning to the sheriff, said:
"Them things is all right ez fur ez
they 90, but who winned the four-min-
ute race fer bosses bred in the coun-
try?"
The sheriff was dazed. 1t was some
time before he could make reply.
"Why, major" said he, "they didn't
have any four-minute race for horses
bred in the country You see"
"An' were the double-headed calf
alive, or only just stuffed?' said the
Old Settler, cutting the sheriff short.
well, major" the sheriff began,
''the fact is"
"An' wat were the heft O. the prize
punkin?" said the Old Settler, waving
the sheriff off.
81 didn't see any prize punkin, ma
jor," said the sheriff, resignedly
''Did the Teller with the tame bar
hcv him trained proper, or did he hef
to hcv a muzzle on him?" asked the Old
Settler.
Il don't think there was any trained
bear on the grounds" said the sheriff.
Whose OF woman got the four-shirn
prize fer the best cider apple sass?" I'M
relcntingly the Old Settler went on.
..You don't seem to understand, ma
jor-"
'.yTerc the patchwork quiltin' with
lool;in' at, or didn't ye notice."
Major"
.HYho kctched the creased pig, an
wat did they give him fer dom of it?"
Creased pig! Why, major, there
wasn't any CREASED pig at this fair!'
'.Who had the best rootybagies, nm
wat were the shown ez to mouse
nose ';aters?"
'Gracious, majorw
''Who spoke the piece bout the best
way to shot out snifi1es in sheep, an
how to cure mules O kiclSin'?''
1.-The subjects weren't mentioned,
major"
AN how did the pullin match 'twiXt
tho team o. bosses an the yoke O steers
suit the folks, shurte?"
''See here, major! They didn't have
any of those things out there! None of
them!"
The Old Settler was silent for awhile,
and then said:
Didn't undcrstan' yc to say that
.ye'd ben to the fair shurff?"
Certainly The worlds fair"
1.-The fair / ben nhearin' so much
about fer year an bettcr?"
Eyes. There's only one"
''An' ones enough, b'gosh" ex-
claimed the Old Settler Folks must
a-lost all their grit, nowadays, to stand
being took in %, without sayip' durn
word back! Wat do We s'pose they'd
a-done in the Sug2r swamp deestric' If
they'd a-gone to one o. the fairs they
usety hev there, an, artcr payin' theil
little two SHIN to get in, they was
told that tina want gointcr be no four
minute race Ter bosses bred in the
county? An that the fair hadn't
CREASED no pig to be chased? An that
the two-headed calf want on hand
NV CNCh otuliCuE All OihhO HieNhNOl
Quiltin' were shot out that year. an
cider apple sass want on the bills? An
that they want talsin' no stock il
prize punkins, or in rootybagies, or il
mouse-nosc 'taters, an that the hos.
team want gointer pull g'inst tho
yoke o. steers? Gosht1mighty, shurff
The folks O Sugar swamp d a-riz up c.
one man. h'3osh! They'd a-tool tn,
bosses o that fair ont an rid 'em on {
rail from Dan to Beersheeby! They't
n-ripped down tents, an they'd a-slath
cr'd sheds, an they'd a-druv things
nforc EN- clean to the mountains o
Hepsidam, b'gosh, where the whang
noodle mourncth for her young! What
a Fair without no four-minute trot 70
HOSES bred in the county! A fair with
ont no double-headed calf! But, say
shurif, yer foolin', hain't yc? Tha mus
a-bcn n doubled headed calf ut this fai
yc ben to-"
Not one, major"
Not even stuffed one?"
mot even n stuffed one"
"'Sure as can DC, major" persistc
the sheriff. There was no dou bic
headed calf
Then" exclaimed the Old Settler