Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1893-02-23
GOOD STORIES.
Some Anecdotes Told by Proctor Knott
and Adlai Stevenson

AZ IL NV edsy W reproduce III print Cne
pleasing effect of good story 1t is like
trying to convey by whistling the rare mel
ody that has thrilled one or telling u friend
Of II delightful glass Of wine recently en-
joyed.
Whether or not the staple products Of
the blue grass country have anything to do
with powers OF humorous narration, 1t is
certain that Kentucky has produced many
gentlemen Of exceptional note ny racon.
teurH. The most distinguished humorist of
whom the house has record il j. Proctor
Knott, the genial ex-governor Kentucky.
One who could preserve calm and digni-
fed demeanor during Knott's relation of
come OF his experiences ~ county prose-
c,itor in the backwoods Of Kentucky would
hardly smile If he unexpectedly fell heir to
Goultls undivided estate.
Knott used to know an old headstone
cutter up in the Kentucky mountains who
made his living by chiseling epitaphs of
more or less truthfulness about misguided
people who would leave the blue grass re-
gi0ns for hourn whose climate and prod.
ucts are not no justly celebrated and we'll
known. This fellow had Il stock of ma
chine cut headstones bearing the same req
ulation inscription:
sacred to the memory Of -, who died -
aged --.
One day widow called for stone, but
having little more style than the average
mountaineer she required something poetic
and pathetic WAL. mistress, reckon
we've IN fine ~ they is. and we can put on
h little extras ef ~ can pay for 'em. How
would ye like
"G0ne within the gates ajar?"
No, that, wouldn't suit. Too common
l think you can make it. Gone to better
lAnd.'" The old fellow looked at the
woman In amazement and Indignation
"Ma'am," he said sternly. 1--WE BEN cut
tin 'em for thirty years and I've told some
mighty big ones in that time, but don't
put no such stuff ny that on stone for
no one. Gone to better iandY Why.
they amt no better land than old Kahn
tuck and won't say there il for no price. !"
Vice President Elect Stevenson proves
his birthplace by the genuine evidence of
STORY telling. There may lie something
about Christian county that inclines the
men to make their meaning clear 10y intli
rpctiOn. Stevenson was born a stones
throw from Lincoln's birthplace, and both
III early life acquired the habit of pointing
a moral by quaint illustration. This trait
In Il very marked one in Stevenson's char
acter. II IN said that when he WAS in the
postoffice department, where the crush of
people and the rush of work, combined
with the trying summers Of Washington.
would try II mans patience to the utmost,
ile WIS never seen In i'll temper and would
often get others into gool humor bya time
~ yarn. II he had occasion to offer re
huke, he had II neat way of making his feel
lngS known without injuring anothers self
esteem
On one occasion, just IA the department
wAx closing and when Stevenson still had
q good iatch of work unfinished, Il reporter,
newcomer in Washington. strolled Ian
gnidIy In, ostensibly in quest of news. The
general glanced from the papers on which
he was engaged and said there WAS none.
The youth pulled an evening paper from
his pocket. seated himself on the sofa, lit Il
fresh cigar and began reading sundry items
aloud for Stevenson's benefit, making run
ming comments ut the same time III to An
sons fatal error in sending such a battery
tn OH the fifth. and whether or not the Gut
tenburgs were still being pulled to any
great extent. When his Perfecto was
burned out the young man suddenly arose
and said, We'll, general, think III have
to he going now, ny I've got some important
business to attend to-"
Stevenson looked up and said quietly:
ny the way, Mr. Jones, of course You
know Governor VanceY just happened
to think Of what happened to hini once.
You Know he WIN governor Of North Caro-
lima shortly after the war, and one day IN
Old woman came into his Office at Raleigh
when he was hard ut work on matters of
pressing importance and said she must nee
the governor ut once. She had come a good
many miles from up the mountains to get
4 pension for the loss. Of her husband
Well. of course the governor told her kind
~ all about the difficulties in the way; how
the government waS not granting pensions
10 thosr OH the wrong side and that the
state WIS in no condition to do it, and when
ne hid explained everything fully he turned
about in his chair and went to work again.
The old lady. however. had come to spend
LtiC uOy WICu VIE SONVthoh VANA CIV WIN
out her halt Of yarn and began to knit the
unfinished toe of AN immense red stocking.
Al, the time when the governor was hard
ut work with his back turned toward her
she kept talking on about all the latest
gossip. how the new schoolmaster got the
best Of Jedge' Hoke In discussing John
Brown. Along about dark she got up alb
rnptly. and said In Il sort of injured tone to
the governor. WAL, Mr.. Vance, likely you
s'p0se | hain't got nothing to do hut sit
here Jowrin with you all day, but reckon
I've got some work to do ct you hain't
Good evenin.
"YeA, sir; the governor told ME that &C
tually took place In his Office In Raleigh.
Mr.. Jones'"
AsAgood illustration Of his ready facil-
tty for conveying his meaning by illastra
ton. one day when he had written and
signed all order relative to observing holi.
days on certain day. be used the word
employees" spelling 1t in the good old
way with ''ees." A clerk brought it back
aud suggested that 1t should be without
Tue final "e."
why" said Stevenson. a little fri
tated, nv he took his pen and made the rec
oimi ~" u little more full and emphatic,
you are worsp than old John Clark out in
my town. Everybody knows old John.
He uSsai to he Justice Of the peace. One
day he signel u warrant forp the arrest Of a
fellow for stealing Il horse, vhich he spelled
horce. and when the sheri got the paper
hp WAN having some fun showing II about.
He WAS in my office when old John came
iin,xnd asked what the joke was. Why,
John. Iielieve. they IRE amused ut the way
In which you spell horxe. How do spell
iitr 'Horcs.' ,sid the sheriff. with grin.
Wonder how III thunder happened to do
that. C0urse you boyA know that was y
mistake. Adlai, take your pen and scratch
out the "a.
Stevenson told y story about his friend
.loss Black burn that Ia said To have nettlall