Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1893-10-12
THE HEALTHY DRUMMER.
de had Nc Use Whatever for Ordinary
Precautions.

AECChhlAoho.
"How'm l feelingP" echoed the drum
mer as he hung up his o%vercoat, chang
ed his hat for a skull cap and sat down
with his traps occupying the other half
of the seat. Happy 10 state that l
haven't felt so we'll for three months.
I'm Just picking up fat at the rate OF
three pounds per week, Excuse me a
minute, please. Ten drops in a little
water three times a day."
as IL medlcine?"
"Well, hardly. Something the doctor
fixed up to guard against rheumatism,
you know. Some Of the boys carry O
regular drug store around with 'em and
dose from morning till night, but I'm
not built that way. Trouble with me is
I'm too we'll. Beg your pardon, gents,
but / came near forgetting my capsules.
One after each meal and another on
going to bed"
"MedicineP" was asked again.
"Oh, No! No! Just a little some
I thing to prevent 1atulency, as | believe
the doctors call it. Keeps up the sup
ply of gastric juice and aids digestion.
I've known men in my line who began
dosing and doping right after breakfast
and kept it up till bedtime, and most OF
their complaints were imaginary at
that. Inever did believe In making a
dumping ground Of my stomach. Let's
see! Did l leave that box behind?
All! Here it is! Hold one in the mouth
and let it dissolve gradually"
"No medicine there?"
mot an iota. Simply soda-mints to
take the wind off the stomach. didn't
want to bring 'em along, bat the doc
tor insisted. Had to laugh over the
case Of that Boston drummer who got
smashed up on this line the other day.
He had enough bottles and boxes about
him to start a country drug store.
That's the way with four-ffths of the
crowd. They are not on the road over
a year before they imagine themselves
victims of q dozen different disorders
and begin to doctor accordingly. For
instance, l knew a Teller in the hosiery
line who. Excuse me one moment,
gentlemen. Eight drops twice a day
on a lump of sugar, and don't want to
miss it,"
Remedy for anything In PARTICULAR"
Hardly. It's a little something the
doctor fixed up for the liver. Not that
l need it at all, but the liver is an organ
which is apt TO get away with you II
not looked after now and then. As l
was saying, l know a Teller in the hos
iery line who starts out OF New York
with a regular medicine chest. Cost
him S32 to outfit il, and has to refill
- - .uu.l-g net 4fpaa / co NJ him
he had a list of thirty-two ailments and
expected two or three more next day.
l don't want TO misjudge a fellowman,
but I'd be willing TO bet ten to one that
a doctor would pronounce him a per-
fectly healthy man. And 1 know a chap
in the hardware line Who is still more
OF a crank. He is -. Beg pardon,
gentlemen. Any Of you wish a nibole?'
sit looks like a root. Doctor recon-
mend it?"
ut is a root-golden seal, they call it.
No; the doctor didn't exactly recon-
mend il, because l had no ailment to be
cured. It's a great stomach tonic, you
know, and is a good thing TO enrich the
blood. l chew a bit about six times a
day, hut I really don't need 1t, Of course.
AS | was saying about this hardware
! chap. he is a perfect picture Of health,
but be imagines he's a perfect physical
wrek. l saw him throw a zoe pound
man over q saloon bar In st.
| Paul one night, and halt an hour later
he was in his room writing a farewell
letter to his wife in Philadelphia. He
was dead sure he had spinal meningitis
and couldn't live the night out. Ha!
hal ha! It's enough TO make a horse
laugh TO know what strange fancies get
| hold OF men. What! By George, but
what q fool l am! No-here it is.
Don't let me interrupt you, gentlemen.
l simply happened TO notice that it was
ten o'clock. Let's see? From seven TO
| ten drops in a little water twice a day,
and on going TO bed II thought Decessa-
ry."
'You arc not taking medicine?"
BLESS YOU, mol When anything ails
me I'll go TO a doctor and be treated in
a regular rational way. Our old family
physician, who has made Bright's dis
ease q speciality, insisted on my bring
ing this along. am taking IL simply
to oblige him. Don't suppose any Of
o ever ran across a fellow in the neg
| llgee shirt line we call Drug Store
jim? he travels for q New
| York house, and OF all the internal
cranks you ever saw he caps the eli
max. 1 rode with him from Detroit to
| Chicago one day last summer. and dur
ing the trip be took thirty-eight doses
Of medicine. each one for 3 different