The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-04-26
HUNOR OF THE DAY.
Bright periodicals-Comets.

Bright periodicals-Comets.
The man with long head is rarely
head.long. -Binghamton Leader.
It's queer about shops-they're never
shut up unless they're shut down.
Elmira Gazette.
There never was so big fool that he
couldn't learn how to count money
Atchison Globe.
The fgurehead of college is usually
the professor of mathematics. .-Phila-
delphia Record.
Many man who "starts of we'll"
spoils everything by coming back
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Few men who go into maplesirup
manufacturing make an unadultcrated
success Of it.-Troy Press.
Some men are like woodpeckers-they
can't send in bill without making a
big noise about it.-Truth.
Many a parachute jumper would be
living to-day if he had never taken a
drop. Leader.
The man who waits for appreciation
generally gets it in the shape Of an
epitaph. h.-Milwaukee Journal.
"Does she make good wifel" "WelI,
it is doubtful. Her husband belongs to
four clubs. New York Press.
To harrow ones feelings is not the
most profitable way of cultivating an
acquaintance. Boston Transcript.
The picket fence was outlined sharp,
The moon was clear and pale.
Her lover long ago had LETT
But thereby hangs tail.
Life.
"Tae pleasantest way to take cod liver
OIL" says an old gourmand, ass to fatten
pigeons with it and then eat the pigeols."
-Tit.Bits.
The Professor-"Wha is happinessp
The Philosopher condition of
forgetting that you are unhappy."-
Chicago News.
A man whose tongue is his entire
capital de6es the exigences of commerce
and succumbs to nothing less than a
paralytic stroke.
He's dealer in rhy mes an in ''rocEs,"
An exponent of both avocltiOlS,
And can furnish quotations OF stocSs,
Or supply you with stocSs OF quotations
Truth.
Dives-"I always shave myself. I
won't trust barber on my face Laza-
rus-"I always shave myself, too. No
barber will trust me on my face. Chi
cago Tribune.
Bluster-''I made speech to might at
the banquet which will make me immor-
tai" Mrs. B-"Aud it was only last
month that you got your life insuredl"
Boston Transcript.
"Charlie, didu't you promise to try
and break yourself of the habit Of using
slang2" Charlie-"Yes, mamma, and you
bet I'm gettin' there with both feet,
don't you see. ."-Iuter-0 Ocean.
"Do play something, please, Miss
Pianothump," said the hostess, advance
ing to her music loving guest; ''it's
getting pretty late, but not half tho
guests are gone yet. Chicago News.
Mr.. Nuwife-"So this is Gotta 20 pui.
ding, eh2' Mrs. Nuwite (proudlD-
''Yes. Can you guess how it's madel"
Mr.. Nuwife-"Well-er should thinl
of pressed bricks, dear. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Johnson-"W do marry intend
h marry a sensible girl, il l can find
one" Tomson-"Now, there's Miss
Sharpe; she gave me up" Johnson
"Just the girl l want. Won't you in.
troduce me P--Tit-Bit
No man has ever beeu able to explain
so simple problem as why the brilliant
sun should lavish its light in broad day
light, while only second hand lumi-
nary is vOuchsafed TO man in the night
time. e.-Boston Transcript.
''Your travel so much on the cars l
should think you would 90 armed"
"Armed!" exclaimed the suburbluite.
al do. l never travel with less than
fifteen or thirty pounds Of heavy bundles
that l could use in an emergency. -
Chicago Tribune.
Little Mabel Mamma, don't you
think can teach Fido to talkin Nam ma
mo, dear; what made you think you
couldp Little Mpbel-"Wel, when
gave him his dinner he growled just like
you say papa docs when his meal doesn't
please him. ."-Chicago Inter Ocean.
Mr.. Billus-"Seems to me, Maria, the
children don't speak half as good Eng
lish as they did before they began to go
to school" Mrs. Billus -"For mercy's
sake, John, how can you expect them to
learn everything at sclooli l wished
you would quit harping on that English
LANGUAGE lad Of yours. .n-Ohieago Tri.