River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-10-12
BUNIONS WON FAME.
IL Was of a LowIy Sort and Not Unaccom-
panied by Embarrassment.

bdhttu bs acknowledgements
He was cur of lowest degree and
abhorred of all save the incipient
voter contingent that had CALAMITY
rescued him when rudely waited from
a ''side-door Pullman" by the delirious-
| ~ joyous imbiber of strong waters-a
free and accepted disciple of Weary
Watkins-en route deadhead to bleed
ing Kansas.
With boyish aptitude for rigid
though brutal candor they had dubbed
the treasure trove "Bunions" on ac-
count of the numerous ridges that
adorned his numbering frame, and
which with the fiail-like tail-that one
engaging tot of two invariabl utilized
as perpetual motion lever-rendered
the nomad uniquely ugly enough for a
| Voodoo fetch.
For two years had the rescuers, after
arduous efforts, gingerly produced in
mutilated images of poor Lo and vain
/ " vouched for ''sinker' niclxels the
requisite ransom whereby the four
| footed abettor of untold mischief was
allowed TO exist and proudly sport a
brass tag mum bered and revited onto a
repousse collar, purloined from sisters
Skye terrier by the acknowledged lead
er of that budding statesmen.
But the fair was the wielder of potent
influence. and the traditional burnt
pockets of small boys became mended
and able to hold securely the pennies
| and niclSels-zealously saved for that
| bourne of pleasure. So ii was that
Bunion's chances of having liquidated
| his dog tax became fewer, though the
hopeless one dreamed not of impending
doom.
The guileless summer girl was in the
zenith of success. Attired in all the
bewildering glory of folderols and fur
bellows. she graced the sylvan scene
fourteen of her more or less. Sweetly
demure maidens and staidly cultured
ones, winsome. merry graduates and
appallingly literary disciples of Brown
ing, all adorned the spacious, velvety
lawns of the ingeniously confding ire
duced lady" who took in" few-a very
few-congenial ones of the mot re-
duced."
Chatter and fiirtations galore more
or less brisk were progressing, while
kindly witticism and blithesome, mus
ical laughter were continuous.
Suddenly there fell a silence-aug-
mented when the more morbidly deli
cate maidens retired, violently aft
fected
Seems If Kitty's burning bones
bushels of EN-" crisply ventured re-
operating molder of the young idea,
possessing, as is usually the case, in
trepid courage of her convictions.
Its disgusting, and we're off''-as the
handsome bicyclers vigorously put
space and greensward between them
selves and pungency.
But the climax of fragrance was at
tanned when the abhorred and missile
SCARED Bunions projected his huge
body into the midst of the dream of
lovely women, gravely deposited
curiously spotted object, and plain
lively awaited reward
After an amount of honeyed suavity
that would have sweetened a cask of
butter-proof vinegar, 'Dolphus, the
ebon-hued, swathed in cumbrous
robes and dripping spirits of camphor,
finally induced the redolont cur TO mi
CRATE.
lies the ugliest dog ] know of, and
always my special object of hatred
thus the reduced to bevy of pale
faced summer girls-but the manner in
which he settled that shunk-the
plague of my life-wipes out old scores.
I'm Bunion's ally henceforth, he boards
free for year, and I'll get his license
also, were he twenty times as big a
thief -Chicauo Times