The herald., 1893-02-26
eroRlEs BY JUDGE ROWLAND.

Ex-JudBe Henry ". Howland, on New
York, is q lannon's story teller 10 abun-
dance and vazAe$y his collection Is "equa1ed
by few and surpassed by none" Mr.. How
land IL essantially an offer dinner story
teller. He fills his after dinner speeches
with new and exc With old.
Here are some samples of his stories:
fnE DreNrrAEf AND THE DOLL.
Once there was very important state
official 6f Galifdrnia wko thought every-
body knew him or ought TO know him One
day he was wafkins thtough hald when q
bull addressed hisn In an undeftope and
made for him with its bead down and horns
In position toraise him. He was state
official, mnn Of dignity and pofitical
power and Of natural pomposisy
But be ran BE fnn snrprisinsly well
He ran even better chan he did for office,
and he got to the fence first. He olambered
over, ou8 Of breath and dignity, and found
the owner OF thebull calmly contemplating
the operation.
what do you mean, SIR" asked the iyate
official, 'by having an infurfaked auimal
like that roaming over the fields"
''Well, I guess the bull has some right in
the fleld," said tie farmer
"Rights DO you know who I arp. sirr'
gasped the official.
The farmer shook his head.
II am General Blank"
"WeIl, why in thunder didn't you tell the
bullf"
TIE MAN AND THE TOMATO CAM
A certain mafas wife heard him in the
adjoining pantry making explosive re-
marks. "What are you doing, my dearf"
she asked.
''opening can of tomatoes he an
swered.
'sWhat are you opening it WITH" she
asked sweetly.
"With q knife" he replied savagely.
"Did you suppose I was opening 1t with my
teeths"
mo. FROM the language which you
used thought you were opening it with
prayer"
HIGH PRICE FOR CONVICTION.
Conkhng had defended O man who was
On trial fof arson. He had been convicted
below, and on appeal the conviction was
affirmed and Conkling rendered his bill,
which was questioned by the mans friends.
Congfins was rather new at the bar. He
called upon Mr.. G'conor. he said: "There
Is johnson, now, whom defended In
hard fought triA qnd Ggaed The case on
appeal at the gcnsral term. To be sure be
was convicted, and fhe conviction was af-
frmed. But had great deal Of trouble,
gave my best services tn the matter, and
only charged him 5000, and his friends de-
cline to pay my bin Don't you think the
charge is reasonable and fafrp"
Mr. O'Conor turned In his chair and said;
"Well, Conlsling heve no doubt that you
did the best you could You had severe
trial. You exercised your best efforts in the
higher court and $500 is not largo bill,
but 1 have no doubt he could have been
convicted for gpeat deal less money
THE LORD AND THE DAISY.
A Sunday school teacher was trying to
impress upon bis pupils the care Of the
Deity for all living things, great or small,
and, getting to the peroration of his ad-
dress, he said; 1.-THE Lord, who made the
mountain, made tho little blade Of grass
The Lord, who made the ocean, made the
pebble ON the shore. The Lord, who made
nue., made q daisy"
THE sAeAcIoUs BOY.
You never can catch q Yankee boy. YOU
never can corner him. A gcnblefnan cray
cling in the country at Stoddard, N. T.,
nad farl,,s H. M ~.
ihg to fniur-saw boy Of twelve or four
teen hoeing in corTrfeld ON the side Of
what would be pasture land on anybody
eise's farm. The corn was rather poor
| looking. The traveller reined in his horse
and spoke to the boy. He said to him,
} your corn looks raSher small"
, We'll" said the boy, ''we planted dwarf
corn"
well, it looks yellow, poor and thin"
"Well, we planted yellow corn"
: "Well," said the traveller, ~ don't mean
} that. 1t don't look as if you would get
, more than half crop"
, 81 don't expect to. Iplanted 1t on shares Z"
A DEMAND FOR QUICK ACTION.
} A man was working in a field with two
: of his sons. One of them was at work in
one part of the field end the old man, with
the other, was working down in a marsh.
All of a sudden the youth who had been
| with his father ran up to the other and
cried: Come down and help the old man
out. He has got mirod in tbs bog"
: 'How deep is he inP"
up to his ankles"
swell, there's no hurry"
: "Yes there is. He's in head first"
, AND he CHOSE DRATH.
A certain artistic Immigrant on arriving
in the harbor of New York saw the statue
of Liberty He asked one Of the crew, lis
that the statue of Liberty"
Eyes, that is Liberty
"Then give me deathi' and he plunged
overheard.
! THE POWER OF DISCIPLINE.
} This is historical and Illustrates the devo-
tion of Sheridan to Grant
Sheridan and Grant We're travelling on a
} steamboat together with other officers
Among the passengers was q young Eng
lishman who used to take hand at poker
with them. The usual limit was fifty
cents. The Englishman ono day wanted
to go out and light cigar and asked Gen
eral Sheridan to play his hand while he
was gone. 1t was four jacks pat The
Englishman when be returned asked Gen
eral Sheridan how it had patIned out
"Oh, the general bet me fifty CENTS" said
Sheridan, "and called him and won the
pot"
: The Englishman looked in amazement
'Well," he said, II have heard of military
discipline, but never heard Of it going
that far"
Mr.. Rowland has knack of limiting at a
story by giving the point of one leaving
the hearer to fill out the rest. Some exam
pies of that follow:
TO censorious critics we reply in the Ian
guage of the old verger of st. Marys, Ok
ford, who on being congratulated by his
rector on his constant attention to duty
replied, II have heard every sermon that
has been preached from this bulpftfor ffty
years, and, thank God, am q Christian
STILL"
The comments and advice Of outsiders
are never particularly appreciattd, and re-