davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16
A Surgical onaratlon.

For the cure of Piles Is always painful,
often dangerous and useless, and invari-
ably expensive; on the other hand there Is
a new, certain cure, perfectly painless,
gives instant relief and permanent cure
and costs but a trif1e. 1t is the Pyramid
a surgical operation, without any of tho
operation. Any druggist will get it for
you.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

He-"I drank some champagne,
you know, and after awhile it went
to nv head" She-"That was the
only empty place left suppose. -
The Land We Live In.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16
II Ia Strange

That people suffering from Piles will
endure them for years OF submit TO dan
gerous, painful, cruel and expensive
surgical operations, when all the time
there is a painless, certain, lasting cure,
which gives instant relief and costs but a
trifc. 1t Is called the Pyramid Pile Cure
and can be found at all drug stores. Any
druggist will get It for you If you ask
him
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

"Please tell me where can | find
a large medical library in this
city?" Under ground,sir There
you will find the greatest works of
physicians. ."-Schalk.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

at is funny think that what
is the sailors JOY is the actors sor-
row." unused Harverly. "What is
that?" asked Austen. "a light
house. New York Herald.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

Those who denounce capital as a
curse, seem, however, anxious to
have the curse come home to them.
Boston Transcript.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

First Girl-Those 9 McRays are
queer people. Second girl-Why?
First Girl-Because they don't do
anything but attend to their own
business.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

"There are conditions" said the
man who started the ventilating
fan, "under which one is justified
in putting on airs. Washington
Star.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

Husband (listening)-"I think
there is burglar in the house"
Wife (excitedly)-"Mercy me, is
my nightcap on straightP"-Som-
erville Jonrnal.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16
The New York Office Boy.

bune, what the New York office
boy is. He always comes from the
East side and he always owns the
Office inside of a week after he has
entered it. He has his own ideas
of dignity, and it is useless to try
to change or even to modify them.
His manifestations Of "cussedness"
are various. The writer was in the
law Office of friend the other
day, when an elderly gentleman en-
tered and addressed himself to the
black-eyed Office boy guarding the
rail before the inner rooms.
SIS Mr.. c. in?" asked the
white-haired and venerable citizen.
whats your name?" asked the
boy coolly.
81 asked you if Mr.. C were
ill.," said he Of the old school, re-
provingly.
whats your name?" repeated
the autocratic youth, looking the
other in the eye.
"That isn't what | came to tell
you," answered the venerable caller
81 came to see if Mr.. C were
in. That is what | asked you
That is what want to know"
"Well, then, what's your name?'
asked the boy, placidly.
as he imp" demanded the old
man, sternly.
Whats your name?' repeated
the boy calmly.
The venerable citizen looked
around, and then gave a gesture Of
despair.
"Im Mr.. Brown" he said III ;
subdued voice.
"Well, you cant see INN, salo
the czar OF that Office in voice IL
which there was decision, but NJ
trace of triumph.
why? asked the conquered
New Y orker.
because he's engaged.
"Well, take my name IN and SET
If he won't see me.
He's engaged.
II don't care II he is. Take my
name to him."
u cant.
why notF
hes engaged.
"Weli' young man, you can g
into his private once ana leave MY
caro-, can your
mo, ST.
why hot'
Oan T.
why ho'' "i'h erea' s'ern'
ness,
because he engaged o'. a cast
III boston ana won DC Ill 'own
tlll tomorrow ana 'ne ooy oegan
10 question announcer ''s''or III 'h'
coolest OF cool manners
Inc writer had an experience
with the same ooy' he cailed uT
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16
HUMOROUS.

Silence is golden, but you have
never realized how golden until you
have to buy it.-Atchison Globe.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

IF there is any more of this os-
culatory conviviality,' said the lit
tie Boston girl at the children S
party, much shocked, Il shall
withdraw."-Chicago Tribune.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16
What was in the Packet,

The reader has doubtless already
heard of the tricks resorted to by
ambitious and suspicious authors to
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

She-"What strange weather we
are having this summer. He
"Yes, but if you remember, the
summer of 80 was just such an
other" She-"Sir! Pearson $
Weekly.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16
CENTRAL
Tho Mdgord FdHs Route.
Time Card in Effect.

Daily. DAILY except Sunday. carrying
passengers with permits . 81.
Psrier ear ON day trains and sleeping cara on
night trains. MI. p,,s.,o Nau
vo,L Boston Detroit, Toledo, Chicago, and all
points In the United States and Canada.
Through tickets 10 all points in the United states
and Canada.
WHITING, Ticket Agent.
o.w. RUoGLEs. O. p. & T. Agt.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

Manager-"That young friend OF
yours is sleepy sort of fellow.
What shall | do with him. Mer-
chant-"See If you can't find room
for him in the night-shirt depart
ment."-Tit Bits.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

Wife--"Wake up, there are
thieves in the house." Husband
$50 down and show them your new
bonnet, and they won't waste any
time looking for money here. "
New York Weekly.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

Mrs. Wickwire-"Don't you ad-
nit that most of your troubles are
due to drink?" Dismal Dawson
Cant say that do, mum. Fact
is, till | took to booze nobody never
had no sympathy fer me. Indian
apolis Journal.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

anything but attend to their own
business.
Husband (listening)-"I think
there is burglar in the house."
Wife (excitedly)-"Mercy me, is
my nightcap on straight? SOM
erville Jonrnal.
"Please tell me where can find
a large medical library in this
city?" Under grounds There
you will find the greatest works OF
physicians. ."-Schalk.
He-"I drank some champagne,
you know, and after awhile it went
to my head" She-"That was the
only empty place left suppose. -
The Land We Live In.
at is funny think that what
is the sailors JOY is the actors sor-
row." mused Harverly. "What is
that?n asked Austen. "A light
house. New York Herald.
IF there is any more of this os-
cuIatory conviviality," said the lit
tie Boston girl at the children
party, much shocked, II shall
withdraw Chicago Tribune.
She-"What strange weather we
are having this summer. He
"Yes, but if you remember, the
summer of 80 was just such an
other" She-"Sir!"-Pearson's
Weekly.
Manager-"That young friend OF
yours is sleepy sort of fellow.
What shall | do with him. Mer-
chant-"See If you can't find room
for him in the night-shirt depart
ment." Tit Bits.
Wife--"Wake up, there are
thieves in the house." Husband
"Go down and show them your new
bonnet, and they won't waste any
time looking for money here. v
New York Weekly.
Mrs. Wickwire-"Don't you ad-
NIT that most of your troubles are
due to drink?" Dismal Dawson
Cant say that do, mum. Fact
is, till | took to booze nobody never
had no sympathy fer me. INDIAN
apolis Journal.
"Say, pa, dear, silver has depre-
ciated in value of late, hasn't it?"
"Yes." "Then you won't say now
that you can't afford to buy me
that lovely hat pin | have been
dying for down at Bijou's, will
you?" Chicago Record.
"There is not much similarity be-
tween our ways Of earning a liveli-
hood" said the dentist to the paint
manufacturer. No" admitted the
manufacturer, "there is not. |
grind colors, while you Gull grind
ers. Indianapolis Journal.
He-"Is there anything ! can do
to prove my affection so that you
will not doubt it?" She-"There
is. Marry sister. She is older
than |, and mamma is determined
not to let me marry till sister is
disposed of."-lndianapolis Jour-
nal.
Eastern Misunderstanding the
price you ask, it seems to me that
this lot is very small.
Western Hustler.-But you must
remember that this is new town
and growing like all possessed.
That lot is young yet.-New York
Weekly.
Bill Collector.-What does your
father mean by appointing days for
me to call and then absenting him-
self from home?
Little George Washington (who
cannot tell a lie. He wants to see
if he can't make you so tired of
calling that you'll give it up.-Ex.
Mr.. Chimpanzee-"That ostrich
eats enough for two birds. What
do you suppose makes him so
greedy, Mrs. CO." Mrs. Champan-
zee 81 heard the keeper say it
swallowed pair of strong eye
glasses yesterday, and they magni-
fly its appetite. Vogue.
Nine. Finishem Cat Young La
dies Academy)-"Miss Pretty, that
was the sixteenth young man who
has called here as your brother, and
/ know you have been deceiving
u.s." Miss Pretty-"No, madame;
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

"Say, pa, dear, silver has depre-
ciated in value of late, hasn't it?'
"Yes." "Then you won't say now
that you can't afford to buy me
that lovely hat pin | have been
dying for down at Bijou's, will
you?"-Chicago Record.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

Michigan Central.
=. p. M.
Ia55 Bay City, leave, ~
saOAm leaves Detroit. arrives, . %
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

"There is not much similarity be-
tween our ways of earning a liveli-
hood" said the dentist to the paint
manufacturer. No." admitted the
manufacturer, "there is not. |
grind colors, while you Gull grind
ers. Indianapolis Journal.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

Nine. Finishem Cat Young La
dies Academy" Pretty, that
was the sixteenth young man who
has called here as your brother, and
] know you have been deceiving
u.s." Miss Pretty-"No, madame;
| have promised to be a sister to
them all."-Good News.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16
0. |. PARTRIDGE.
Real Estate Agent

Rooms 4, 5, Dawson Block.
WIN take ehargeof estates for residents and non.
residents. collect rents pay taxes, place insurance
obtain abstracts OF title. etc.
ONCE hours-10 to 12A. NJ, A to6P.M.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-16

He-"Is there anything ] can do
to prove my affection so that you
will not doubt it?" She-"There
is. Marry sister. She is older
than |, and mamma is determined
not to let me marry till sister is
disposed of. indianapolis Jour-
nal.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-27
ATTACKED THE EX-PRIEST.
A Mob wouldn't Let Him Tell why He
Left the Romish Church.

LAFAYETTE, IND, Jan. 26.-Professor
George p. Rudolph. formerly a Catholic
priest at Cleveland o., attempted 10
lecture at the Opera-House this evening
under the auspices OF the American Pro-
tective Association. The speakers sub
ject was why L Left the Romish
Church"
Soon after opening his discourse mop
broke In a rear door OF the house and
rushed on the stage and attacked the
speaker. Rudolph was knocked down
with a club, and on rising drew revolver
and fired two shots. This brought a
regular fullisade from all parts OF the
house which was crowded. stampede
at once ensued, and while screams rent
the air a rush was made for the doors.
Many OF the ladies We're bruised and
thrown down In their efforts 10 escape.
The crowd was finally elected from the
stage and Rudolph continued his lecture.
The sheriff appointed number OF depu-
ties, but they were unable to keep the
crowd in the gallery quiet and the meet
ing was adjourned. Between fifteen and
twenty shots were exchanged, but no
one was hit mob waited outside but
under strong guard Rudolph was placed
In a close carriage and escorted to his
boarding house.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-27
.TUSTICE LAMAR'S SUCCEssOis'
President Harrison VIII UnquestionaoiJ
Nominate Republican.

WASHINGTON, Jan. 26.-President
Harrison has, of necessity. been consider
inc for the past day or two the matter OF
appointing a successor to Justice LaHi1r'
II has been the subject of numerous sus
a.s,,ons made by his political and official
friends. but the published stateihen'o
HIGH attribute to him, In conVersauol
with these friends, the announcements
that he has determined TO appoint ne
nuhlican from the South, are denied py
those who are in close relations WIN MIN
Another statement imputing 10 MIN me
remark that he would appoint a successor
IN Lamar for the reason that II he ola NOT
M the vacancy another secessionlSt
would be appointed, is said TO nave 10
foundation In fact
II NAV be stated that President Har-
rison has made no expressions OF MS III
tention regarding the appointment OF
new Justice Even his most intima,e
friends do not expect any Information Oh
hIs ptl;rose until IL has been officially
promulgated. They do expect that he
will investigate the subject of the sue
cession. as il the vacancy had occurred In
the middle of his term, instead OF near me
end. They further expect that when ne
has completed the investigation ne VIII
send n nomination TO the Senate for It's
action. AS was said the other day, the
probability is he will send In nomina-
ton that will be a promotion from the
ranks Of the Federal judiciary within the
district over which Justice Lamar pre-
sided. AS TO the various suggestions
which have been made respecting the
Presidents course in the matter, II is
the expectation that he will follow none
that point to an unusual mode OF pro-
cedure. He Will not, his friends believe
nominate Democrat, nor Will he ap-
stain from all action. so as TO leave The
vacancy to be filed by Mr.. Cleveland
President Harrison believes that his
term extends to noon of March 4th. and
that there is no warrant for an abdication
or abandonment of the functions or the
office by him before that time. An inter-
esting precedent In support of this view
is quoted Within few weeks before
the expiration Of President Cleveland
first term, about February 18th, he eX-
tended the Civil Service law over the en-
ployes of the Railway Mail Service.
While considering this subject he con-
suited with an official directly interested,
who ventured TO suggest that the Issuing
of such an order so near the end of his
term would be warmly criticised. Presi-
dent Cleveland replied tina. the term OF
his office did not expire until March 18th,
and he knew of no reason why right
thing should not be done the last
alf day OF the term as we'll as on the
first half day. And The order was issued.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-27
SOLID FOR O'FERRALL.
~ "a SAID THAT EASTERN FIR
GINA WILL SUPPORT HIM
ror tho Govcrnorship-The Ice embargo
Lifted In the Bay-smah f"c
in Petersburg.

NORFOLK. VA, Jan. %.-Speciai'-A
,,o,,,ncpt second district politician was
IN the city to-day. When asked II East
crn Virginia would be likely to have
candidate for Governor. he said he was
certain that there would be no aspirant
.,o,, this section. lie thought that the
majority OF the people of Virginia, so Tar
an he could learn. favored Colonel OFer-
rail and at this time Colonel OFerrali Is
stranger than the field. He said that one
or more county papers have NUMBER
of gentlemen. any one OF whom wouo
make a good Governor, but none OF theIh
of sufficient strength TO have weight IN
the convention. IL is the general opinion
that Eastern Virginia Will present the
name OF DR.. Lawson for Lieutenant
Governor, and IL is thought he can WIN
DIR. Lawson would fll the position with
dignity and would strengthen the ticket
y.ith the farmers.
Under the influence OF a summer breeze
from the south the ice is disappearing
RAPIDLY from the harbor, and II TINS
weather continues until Saturday, all
Ingredients 10 the shipping will be re-
moved. There is yet much in the bay,
which is being carried off by the Atlantic.
A country man In jumping out OF MS
wagon yesterday struck his foot against
the hammer OF a gun heavily loaded with
buck shot. The gun was discharged. and
the contents struck the hat Of small
boy standing near and cut his hat of his
head without hurting him. The crown
OF the hat was torn out. The boy SAID
mister. turn your gun the other way;
you will hit the next time.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-27
Small Flre In Petersburg.

PETERSBURG. VA. Jan. 26.-Special-
About 1880 o'clock this afternoon fire
broke out in the printing establishment
of Mr.. George NJ. Bozell, on Tabb street.
II originated from spark from the
crate. which ignited can of oil. The
smoke and flames were soon communi-
Gated to the second floor. occupied by the
law firm of Davis & McIlwaine. which
firm succeeded in saving. with but little
loss. their library and office furniture
Their loss, however, is fully covered by
insurance, as also that Of Mr. Bozell
The damage to the building. which is
owned by Mrs. r. A. Martin, is about
500: fully insured. Mr.. McIlwaine was
the last person to leave the building, and
the smoke was so dense that in order to
rear window of his office.
Cards are out for the marriage OF DR..
Alfred r. Whitehead, of Petersburg. and
Miss Jessie Edith Cunningham. of Sum-
NIT. Miss, at Christ church, In that city
on Wednesday evening, February Sth.
Cards are also out announcing the
marriage OF Mr.. r. w. Kruse and Miss
Monte T. Hubbard, at West-End Baptist
church, on Thursday afternoon, February
3D. at 4:30 o'clock.
For the month ending to-day there were
a death In Petersburg-9 white males
and white females, and II colored males
and Is colored females.
Judge ID. NJ. Bernard, of the Hastings
Court Of Petersburg. is confined TO the
house from indisposition.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-27
HAMLET THE LOUIsIfNIGF.
A Saddle Colored Coon Who Has n Hare
Lin.

1.-THE funniest thing I ever saw was
performance of Hamlet by colored anna
tours 1T Galveston, Tex" said a South
ern dramatic manS ger TO a New York
Herald man. "They tad rented their cos
tunes of local house that made a spe-
cialty Of masked-ball outfits. Hamlet
a saddle-colorCd coon with a harelip, was
gotten up regardless in the toggery OF
Moorish prince. while the 200-pound
'Horatio' was resplendent in the court
dress of Louis XIV. Polonius' wore No.
- shoes and the costume OF Spanish
cavalier, while 'Ophelia,' bright mulatto
maid wore pink tights and scanty lace
skirts. Oh, il was a get-up 10 daze the
very gods. The boys in the gallery got
TO guying the Ghost and he came 10 the
foOtlights and ordered them 10 Shet yer
mouf.' Then be retired up stage, toed the
chaIk-mark made for his guidance by the
stage manager and resumed: Hamleck,
as / remarked afore them ere ill-man-
nered. no. count. trashy white kids as
hain't got no raisin' put in Their CAB, 1
am yer fathers ghost. is, shuah, Ham
leck. Yes, sab. AS | remarked afore, |
am thy fathers sperrit
He got the prompter at this point,
heaved sigh Of relief that sounded
like the exhaust of steam pump and
started in with the evident intention Of
distinguishing himself Yes, sab yes,
sab; l IS thy fathers ghostes. doomed
foh certain time to walk de yearth'-
but he stuck again. Before the prompter
could pull him out red-head little Mick.
who was born to be hanged. got hold Of
a tom-cat. He swung It by the tail
around his head a couple of times. then
let go. With a scream that would make
a ten pound shell sound like the song OF
a bullet, that cat went hustling through
the air and caught the ebony ghost
square on the head. Re was standing
on a trap-door and in his efforts TO escape
the cat he disappeared with crash, TAX
ing 'Horatio' with him. Hamlet cried
Fire. and while he was rushing back
and forth, wondering what TO do, Polo
MUS came putting. on L. L. Il. with a
fire extinguisher. The nozzle got away
from him, ard the stream caught the
melancholy Dane and tumbled him over
the kerosene footlights through the base
drum. would give so TO see that show
again. 1t was the best comedy that was
ever put on the boards. ] would give that
company $1,000 night II IL would play
Hamlet as II did that night and the gal
lery could be depended on to assist In the
oat "
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-27
ATYPHOID FFVER THEORY.
It Is Missmatic or Earth Born and Occurs
Oftener on Gravel Than Clay Soil.

Speaking OF typhoid fever In Dublin
Sir Charles Cameron has said he had
come TO the conclusion that there and
perhaps elsewhere IL was miasmatic Or
earth born. In Dublin during the last
decade one person I'm IA living on clay
soils had typhoid fever and one I'm every
ninety-two living on graveis. The DIS
engagement OF the micro organisms OF TIE
disease took place when the soils be-
came dry. and this occurred more ire
quently with gravel than with clay When
all the organic debris produced IN towns
was quickly removed and when the dan
gerous subterranean atmosphere was pre-
vented from entering dwellings. or even
streets: when sewage flowed steadily DAY
and night through well constructed main
sewers. and when soils were thoroughly
drained and kept free from Min. tnen
a substantial reduction in the mortality
caused by typhoid fever, and Indeed ~
other diseases, might be expected.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-27
The Use of the Loving Cup.

Every prosperous woman's club has is
loving cup. but how manv of tho guests
who see 1t grazing tho banquet know its
origin or the graceful ceremonial which
should he observed in drinking from Il,
asks the jewelers. Circular. The loving
cup should have two or three handles aud a
cover and is handed to the principal guest
as the toasts begin. 1he guest takes It by
the handles. and. standing, turns to the
person nearest who also stands. and both
bow. Then while the second guest re-
moves the lid the first one drnks aud with
another bow passes the CUP to his neichbor,
who replaces tho lid and presents Il II thru
to the next guest, and so the ceremony Is
repeated
In the old days Of chivalsy and OF tvoach-
cry, a. man while drinking IRON the cup
was practically defenscless. his eofnpapiop
was required to remove the cover With bic
sword hand that he might Hos take adv(n.
tage Of the other.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-01-27
THE FIyAL TRIAL.
The Practice Vessel Proves q success In
Every Particular.

NEWPORT, r. l.. Jan. 26.-The mai
contractors trial Of the new United
States practice vessel Bancroft took place
to-day of Newport under the direction OF
the naval board appointed for this pur-
nose and the test proved complete sue
cess for the new boat and her builders,
Samuel l.. Moore & Sons Co, OF Eliza
bethport. ~ J. This was the hrst prac-
teal trial of the new plan for testing
the speed OF the vessels which was de-
vised by Chief Engineer Melville. OF the
United States Navy. The plan consist In
standardizing the screw In the preliminary
runs. then giving the ship long run ~
sea. AS result OF the test the builders
OF the Bancroft will claim from the Gov
eminent bonus Of $4,000. The test con-
sisted of four hours continuous running
IN open sea with the privilege of making
a trial of six hours and selecting the best
four consecutive hours therein. This prl-
vilege was not used, however. the vessel
showing such good qualities at the end
OF the first four hours OF the run that the
builders we're content with the results at
tanned and asked for no further trial.
The members of the naval board speak
I'm high praise of the excellent facilities
shown by the Bancroft, which they at
tribute to the high standard OF the ma
terial and workmanship employed In her
construction. During the entire test the
bearings did not become heated nor did a
single bolt reed adjusting.