The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1893-02-02
BONY DIGGS' RECORD.
BY W. j. HENDERSON.

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rails. -Four men sat in the smoking
compartment OF a drawing-room car
enjoying their cigars with the calm
deliberation of men who were SO
habituated to being in hurry that
they were never hurried. That was
not to be wondered at, for they were
newspaper reporters. One, rosy
checked, dark-eyed young Irishman,
attired in a suit OF light tweed and 8
soft hat, was undoubtedly O'Connell,
the representative of the New York
Mercury. The second, dark skinned
black-haired fellow OF athletic build,
dressed in a close-ftting black cut
away coat anu derby hat, looking
like reckless youth who would not
mind falling overheard from steam
boat if a good story was to be got out
of it, surely was English, the ennis
sary of the Globe. The third, the
youngest, had ill-ftting clothes, long
hair and eyeglasses. He looked as If
he had recently graduated from q
western college and come to New
York to seek his fortune. There was
no mistaking the fact that he was
learning the business OF journalism in
the city room OF the Protectionist.
His name was McVey. The fourth
nan was the best dressed of the little
company, and had ansair OF self-con-
tent and experience which might have
led an observer to take him for a
mere man of the world had it not
l1c+I II fo,,o
cast Of his forehead. He was, Of
course, Perry, the man from the office
of the Mugwump. He was leaning
back with his eyes half closed listen
ing indolently to the remarks OF his
fellow travellers.
otis an era of record breaking
said Perry in his, judicial manner.
|tFor my part tire OF it. From trot:
ting horses and ocean steamers down
to statesmen and pie eaters, every
one is trying to do a fraction better
than his predecessor. In nine cases
out OF ten no good comes out OF it all.
I sometimes think that Bony Diggs
has more sense than some OF these fell
lows"
''Who's Bony Diggs when he's at
homer" demanded English.
~ don't know; hesnever at home"
ga man who's never at home must
be interesting" observed McVey; "tell
us about him."
"Well, l don't know about doing
shat!" replied Perry. "You see, it's
g. very good story and at present it's
all mine. However, it's all in type,
today is Saturday, and it's coming
out tomorrow, so if you three fellows
will give me your solemn promise not
to take advantage OF my confidence
I'm you-which you notice, is very great
--Ill tell you the yarn"
O'Connell, the Mercury man, look
I'D uncomfortable, but finding three
pairs of eyes fixed upon him with
suspicious portent, joined with the
Globe and Protectionist men in CIV
ing the required assurance.
"The subject of our conversation a
few minutes ago." said Perry, was
record breaking. Now, the hero OF
my tale is not trying to beat any
Il record"
"What is he trying to do?" inquir-
I'd O'Connell.
"To beat Death His name is
Jerome Bonaparte Diggs. Why his
misguided parents ever gave him such
a designation I am unable to con-
eeive. Perhaps they fancied that his
family name lacked style and i'm.
gpressiveness, and they strove to
atone for this by introducing it with
royal given applications. Their in
.tentions were frustrated early in
their sons life by the total deprav.
lily Of schoolboys, for no sooner had
Jerome Bonaparte entered upon q
course of abeced arian instruction than
he was dubbed Bony Diggs
GAS he grew older his fondness TO,
roundabout ways OF thought man
Tested itself more frequently anc
more picturesquely.' 1t isnarratec
of him that while in college he pur
chased parrot and proceeded tc
teach it the art of speech himself. III
did not teach it English French, Ger
man, Latin, Greek, or any othel
known tongue, but invented half {
dozen sentences in a language OF his
own. When asked the design of Thu
surious education he replied that
che bird should chance to get lost h.
identifying it. .. IT,
a,-. 'DOuy DlSgS le1CA1eI W0S 0SOlu poVi q
lively wealthy man. He died soo1
after his sigmoidal son had bee1
graduated from college and hal
entered upon his salad days, dressed
with an intellectual mayonnaise com
posed of wonderous ingredients. Th
death of the father was speedily to-
lowed by that of the mother, an
Bony was left sole master Of his fol-
tune and his fate. This was 25 year
ago. I am told that at that tim
Bony was q tall, straight res
sonable-looking fellow, despite hi
puzzled air. When last saw him i
had been engaged for five years in hi
attempt to beat Death around til
III world; and then at the age Of 46 /
was worn, bent, white-haired Of
unan, with nervous lips and hand
Che puzzled air more firmly fixed tina
# ever on his features, and eyes in whie
burned g. strange and eerie light.
.Let me see," he continued, "whe
was it that first learned abol
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