Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-05-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


A curious woman-One who is not
Life.
A hollow mockery-The woodland
echo.-Truth.
A force pump-The cross examining
attorney.
A linn of the Iaw-Painting the de-
fendant black.-Truth.
It is only in school that low grades
make uphill work.-Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
Nature covers herself with plaster
of mud to cure that tired feeling in the
spring
Some men are too mean to be happy
and Others too happy to be mean
Dansville On. " Breeze.
"Who is to be chaperonp "Mrs.
Talklngton." "What foolishness! Why,
she is sufferer from insomnia"
~ wonder why she gave him the nit
ten2" "Oh, that was natural outcome
of the yarns he gave her erl"-Truth.
When a man is "beside himself" he
R6ueratly u6IuOuStThItS tud1 uc uoCoh
like the company.-Boston Courier.
When woman is trying to write q
letter on half sheet of paper, much
may be said on both sides.-Texas Sift-
ings.
If woman can succeed in making
her husband proud of her she can get
almost anything she wants.-Dallas
News.
A carpet tack Is about the only thing
that has the .big head" and still makes
a success OF life.-Dansville IN. "
Breeze.
Where's the profit when spring makes
US happy and gay if it make all the
microbes feel just the same wayi-
Washington Star.
The woman of linn tied means who is
always we'll dressed either devotes her
entire income or her entire intellect to
her clothes.-Life.
Mabel-sI wouldn't marry the best
man in the world" Jacques-"Alas,
you have made me the unhappiest OF
men. boston Courier.
Every man thinks that modesty for
bids his telling you what he considers
the cleverest thing in tie way OF story
ever told.-Washington Star.
Many woman who resolves when
she is married to make over her husband,
ends by being content to make over her
bonnets.-Dansville IN. " Breeze.
And now with rod and line and hook,
The fisherman so bold,
Will go and sit down by the brook
And catch fearful cold.
Kansas City Journal.
al haven't any of the liquid quality
that musicians talk about" said the bass
drum, "but can drown out the rest OF
the band, just the same. ."-Washington
Star.
Mrs. Byer-"Those are nice looking
eggs" Grocer (enthusiastically)-"Yes,
indeed; they're birdsl" And then he
wondered why she didn't buy ANY,
Troy Press.
''It's curious" mused Bjorkins, show
this law Of compensation runs through
everything. Fol- example, wherever
there is we'll of aunt you will always
find a sychophant. "-Chicago Tribune.
$50 should make yo u very happy by
accepting you, COUNT" "Happyf Ah,
mademoiselle, should die wiz zie hap
piness." "Really. COUNT You almost
tempt me to say YES '"-Brooklyn Life.
The pen Is mightier than the sword.
This maxim let wlss people hurl,
But take them together and they are no
match
For one pretty typewriter girl.
Chicago Inter-0cean.
At Dinner Party: Mistr ess-"But,
Mary, how often must tell you always
to serve op the left" Mary (from the
countryl-"Oh, madam, but isn't that
merely a superstition. ."-Flgen dc Blaet'
ter.
"well, Councillor. hope you en-.
joyed yourself at my house last evening""
"Indeed did, madame. As rule,
when drink tea can not slee p after is,
but your tea had not the least effect on
me. "--Fliegende Blaetter.
Hawker-ssMy wife aud had IL out
again this morning IS to who should start
the fire." Jepson-" Which wonT
| Hawker--"Neither. Before We finished
| tho argument became 80 hot my wife got
up and cooked breakfast ON h."-rroy
Press.
Mrs. Greyneck-s'so George IL en-
gagedF Airs. Tangletoague -'fcs;
bell be married Ia June" Mrs. Grey.
neck-"i hope he has young lady In
every way worthy OF him." Mts. fangle-
songue-s'oh, yes; think can safely
say that am satisfied 10 every way With
| his fiaseo. "-lioston Courier.