The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1893-08-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Old rs the hllls.--Tho daleS.
Made to order-The waitrcss.
Two wrongs make lawyers write.
Alive and kickins-Thed hedisappointod
oflice-seeker.
The buzz-saw Is always ready to
take hand in.
A burning question--Was there any
insurance?--NcwY York Journal.
Little wonder that one oftho billiard
balls is so red. 1t is often kissed.
Upon tho gay excursion boat
Thnt sails by town and thickot
They say that Cupid always has
A communication ticket.
Washington Star.
The laws delays are not manifested
in tho presentation of lawyers hills
Puck.
Smugglers are eccentric people;
they avoid the regular customs
Truth.
Every man is great baby if he can
find the right one to cry to.--Atchison
Globe.
"WelI, do declared" said Thomas
Jefferson, as he signed the Declaration
of Independence
'I will now get into my coat Of
mall" remarked the letter when it saw
the stamped envelope. Washington
Star.
'Of what aro YOU thinking2"
"Of nothing" said she.
ooh, thank you," said Cholly,
"For thinking OF me-"
Washington Star.
Patient-"Doctor, is there my sure
cure for dnndruff?" Doctor-"les,
cultivate q bald head. ."-Detroit Free
Press.
While the elevator man gives many
fellow lift, he doesn't hesitate to
run chap down.-Philadelphia
Record.
"Do you think thisrlress makes me
! look older?" Clerlc--"I don't see how
it possibly could, ma'am. Chicago
| Inter Ocean.
There is nothing man hates worse
than to have his wife call him into her
9qmvtaaA saYu sA488.. sA488 wants to have a
He saw many sights at tho Fair
| That others had failod to take In,
| For nc planted mis- heei 10y mistake
| On piece of soft orange skin
| Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Teacher-"Do pease grow on vines
or on bushes?" Pupil (whose father
| keeps II summer boarding house)-
sThey comes in cans. Boston Tran
script.
The Blonde--"Of course he thinks
her an angel, wings and all" Tho
Brunette'I guess he does. She told
me he wanted her to fly with him. -
Troy Press.
"Move on, there ~ said the facetious
| policeman to a lounger near Western
States prison; 'the Sheriff's tho only
man who is allowed to hang about
here. ."--Statesman.
Decentralization do you account
for Miss Muchcash never having mar
ried?' Kajones--"E Easy enough. She's
too blamed stingy even to entertain O
proposal. Buffalo Courier.
eff money does talk" observed
Snobbs, the other night, 'I would like
! to ask the girl on the silver dollar why
she so persistently and successfully
shuns mo. ."--Philadelphia Record.
"Van's not looking at all we'll for a
man who's just back from health re-
sort. "No. They call it health
resort because one leaves ones health
there. Kate Fields Washington.
In French School: Teacher
"What is the matter, boys? You are
oil covered with mud" Pupils
"Oh, sir, we've only been playing the
Panama Canal game. journal ANUS
ant.
Jinks--'Do you approve OF mar
riage with deceased wifes sister %
Binks--"Certainly I do" Jinks---
"And why, may ask?" Binks--"Be-
cause of the saving in mothers-in law" I"
Funny Folks.
"What I want, father" said the
young man with the college medal, sis
q wide field" ''Good!" exclaimed the
old gentleman. 'I always said you had
horse sense, John !; take the blind mule
and ten acres. Detroit Free Press,
Hoarding Coin in India.