Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-06-14

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ALP
HUMOROUS.
did Smiggs marry his wife for
her money!" mo, it was for her
fathers. Inter Ocean.
Recipe for domestic broll;
First catch the hair on your hus
bands coat-collar. Boston Gazette.
Jones Good morning, Benson.
How do you find business? Ben
son-"By iudiciouS advertising.
Life.
Young author-"Don't you like
to see yourself in printP" Debu-
tante-"No; ! prefer silk. New
York Journal.
With dudes as plentiful as they
are the average society girl ought
to know a soft thing when she
sees it.-Troy Press.
The wise school ma'am dosen't
wait till Arbor day to plant a
birch where it will do the most
good.-Philadelphia Record.
A couple of lovers, when they
first engage in the business, may be
ignorant of all the rules of court
ship, but they don't want any light
thrown on it.-Norristown Herald.
Maud-"How do you like the new
way | do my hair2' Frank want
ing to say something particularly
nice)-"Why, you look at least
thirty years younger. y ankee
Blade.
Melton-"That fellow Alltalke is
the windiest man know" Messer-
ly-"No wonder. His wife takes
particular pains to blow him up
every chance she gets, Troy
Press
A farmer in st. Adams, VI,
used five casks of cider in fruit
less effort to save his house and
barn from fire. Now he's an out
cider, so to speak. Philadelphia
Ledger.
Miggs-"Why do you suppose it
is considered bad luck to open an
umbrella in the house, Milton
Il suppose there is danger Of dis
closing the owners name. Inter
Ocean.
please give me a few pennies to
buy something to eat WITH said
the beggar. ITO eat With" ejacu-
lated the Bostonian; whats the
matter with your mouthr'.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Have you received amy pie YETI"
said one officeseeker to another
mo, but I've received provisions of
another sort" "What sort?'
"Cold shoulder. Pittsburg Cron-
icle Telegram.
They say the child looks like me-
said Gargoyle, displaying his first
born. He does-a good deal, re-
piled Chambers. "Still ! don't think
would drown him on that account" :"
-Harper's Bazaar,
"See, Bridget, can write my
name in the DUST Servant (ad-
miringly)-."0h! mum, that's more
than ! can do. There's nothin
like eddication, after all, is there,
mum Wonder
Old gentleman-''How am to
know that YOU are not marrying
my daughter for her money!
Suitor how am | to know
that you won't fail inside of a
year?"-New Y York Weekly.
"Are you afraid of burglars" ?"
said the lady who was making
short visit, Not since our new
girl came. The policeman spends
most of his time at our house now
w ashington Star.
|
That is very pretty crockery, i'll
deed" said the little girl who was
looking at the bric-a-brac. ~ sup
pose these are some of the family
Jars of which have heard Uncle
James speak. w ashington Star.
Customer-"Didn't you tell me
this horse was afraid of nothingP'
Dealer-"That's just what | said"
"Why, he SHES at his own shadow"
well, shadow is about as near
nothing as anything | know Of
New York Weekly.
Wife (laughingly) There are
some excruciatingly funny jokes
in this paper about women going
shopping all day and never buy
ing anything. Husband (hotly)
Yes, but they're lies. New
York Weekly.
She-"When told Maud about
our engagement she said that she
really envied me-" He-"Certain-
ly; ] don't wonder" She-"Yes,
she said she would give ANYTHING If