The Waco evening news. [volume] (Waco, Tex.) 1891-1894, 1893-05-24
TEA TABLE GOSSIP.

dssO( 1ltu viii leio" hSeAH WV
head, body and soul in love, during
business hours, when things practi'
cal and not sentimental are, as they
should be, paramount with you :
If you have been in such trying
situation YOU have probably
"cussed" all around and about the
poor stricken one, but never direct
ly at him, because, although you
may have thought his head filled
with mush, you had an innate re-
spect for and forbearauce with the
mulligrub feelings of his heart, and
there have been timer, perhaps,
when the ludicrous actions of the
poor devil excited your risibilities
and drove away irritation, as the
April sun melts away swamp mists.
1t has recently been my mis-
fortune, pleasure, fate, un-
happy lot, delightful experience,
bad luck, rare enjoyment, sad mis-
hap-for my sensations are composed
of all these bitter .sweets--to be in
close proximity to handsome, Joy
full, melan choly miserable young
giant, shot "clean through
the 'nnards' and out at
the back" a rusticus
villagio once expressed it to me-by
one Of Dan Cupid's biggest bow
shafts. The female end of this al
fair is a little southern beauty with
the figure of a Romano, the velvet
eyes of Venetian, the complexion
of an English maiden, the vivacity
of Parisienne, the grace Of a
Japanese, the wit and good-nature
of a Connemara eileen, the digni
ty of a Greek, the sentiment of a
German, the purity of an angel, the
wisdom of Solomon, call the blood
of all the Towards" and more too
- and a barrel O. money.
This lovely paragon Of the ages lives
a thousand miles or SO away and if
Uncle Sam'l knew what sort of
freight his nephew in charge of Waco
posto flee sent south every night
the old gentleman would giggle snig-
ger, cry and condole until his tender
spot would swell and bust with the
overlooking exuberance of varied
emotions. 1t is not my disposition
to play with sick man or to kick a
man when he is down, but | always
tear the silver lining out of every
black cloud and have had fun at a
funeral; hence my desire to ''show
up" the ludicrous side of my
friends love affairs. He has the
jealousy of blackamoor and the
suspicious of a burglar on a mid
night looting tour, and this is
where the funny parts come in. HI
reads between, under and over the
lines, upside down, right side turn
ed round, front and back, in every
letter received. Words with him
are weighed with the profun dity
and research attached to mouldy
roots by grizzled savants who study
about where we are sat" in our
language. The dictionary defni-
ton of words have not the right
shading, Interpretation in his eyes.
But the funniest thing is his spell
ing. He conducts large cores
pondence and puts the right letters
in the right places when it
comes down to business, but the
love letters we'll, Pm glad and
sorry that I'm by to help him. 1t
was only last night, for instance,
that he asked me how to spell
auburn" and it took him five
minutes to get it right. Then came
elaboration" and when | went over to
look at his letter to see what he was
about he had already written it
"adjuration." 1t seems that his
lady-&ove desired him to raise whis.
kers-so that she may sigh through
'em, suppose-and it is an actual
fact that-whether he had been
absorbing red spirits from without
to chase out the blue spirits within,
| can't say-he had written that he
hoped she would like his side whis-
kies." If you think this sounds"
l can't help it. It's all true, and if
you can avoid him l would advise
you to keep away from the individ,
ual who has his head full of whirling
gdden wheels and Ginning silver
halls