Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-09-14
sprlnkles OF Splice.

Lowell Courier.
"THAT is Mrs. Specie, there. She
is society leader; right In the swim.
$50? BY Jovel she dresses for it,
Puck.
The fln-de-siecle girl and the fine
bicycle girl have more or less pro-
nounced relationship, philadelphia
Times.
The Chinese language has only 450
words. The rest Of 1t Is expressed
with frecrackers, Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"BRmeET, did you hear me callp"
"Yes, mum; but you told me the
other day never to answer you back"
Tld-Bits.
"HERE's der laundry, und fader
wants to know Of you can't wash yust
der bosoms Of der shirts for half
price. Life.
SOUTH CAROLINA has hollow walk
lng-sticks In this case taking some
thing with a "stick in 1t" Is reversed.
-Yonkers Statesman.
THERE is no disputlng the fact
that q man has to have considerable
go" to gain much prominence as a
traveller. Buffalo Courier.
LUMMIX-"I hear you have a new
baby at your house." Skimgullet--
eyes, / hear it myself about every
minute when I'm at home.
BELLE-"Would you call Blanche
a beauty?" Jack--"Not unless
thought she was likely to overhear
me, "-Kate Fields Washington.
GIVE got an awful cold," said the
weather. "What are you taking for
it?" asked the wind. "a drop Of
mercury every hour. Exchange.
The glad season is here when a
man cannot tell whether he is being
pursued by mosquito or a small boy
with a jews harp. Washington Star.
A WAR would have restored to
Slam the fame it lost In the grave
Of that interesting combination, the
Siamese twins. Philadelphia Times
He thought was sweet billet doux, '.
But appearances turned out untroux;
Twas note from his tailor,
Saying, "Pay without fall, or
Wen order our lawyer TO soux.n
indianapolis Journal
SRE-Don't you swim? 1 think
everybody should be able to swim.
He-Ah! it's as much as l can do to
keep my head above water on land. -
Ally Sloper.
STRANaER-"With all the talk
about immigration / haven't noticed
many foreigners here" Host--"Wait
till you see a nominating conven-
tion. Puck,
TOMMY My fathers in the butcher
business. What business Is yourn in?
Sammy-My father don't have to fol-
Ter any business. He's an Alderman.
Chicago Tribune.
THE news that dozen young
women have been appointed ushers
In Brooklyn church seems to open
up new aisles In the vista of progress.
Boston Transcript.
any lines are not cast In pleasant
places" sighed the poet, as he stood
helplessly by and saw his wife throw
his latest effusion in the kitchen
stove. -DetrOlt Tribune.
IT Is difficult to understand how
Chinese theatrical company can go
through one Of their serial plays
without getting all mixed up on their
cues. Detroit Free Press.
OLD SUBSCRIBER Ito EDITOR - "Can
you lend me S5?" Editor--"We can
not" Old Subscriber-"Paper not
dom much, ehP" Editor-"Well,
we're holdin' our own."-Atlanta
Constitution.
MRS. NEwLYwED-"Apd do you al
ways trust your husband implicityP"
Mrs. Experienced enthusiastically
Indeed l do. That Is to say, OF
course, to a certain extent. "-Somer-
vile Journal.
AND He PULLED HIS WALLET Il
seem to be considerably pushed for
cash to-day" muttered Rivers, re-
luctantly squaring an account Of $5. rs
with the wheeled.chair man. Chi
cago Tribune.
FDDLEsTIcKs Recommending ap-
plicant for cashler)-I assure you the
young man is very quick. Employer
(shortly)--Don't want him. Our last
cashier was so quick that he got to
Canada In ten hours
"LACE?" said the attentive clerk.
eyes, madam, we have all kinds.
What sort shall l show you?" "You
can show me some ancestral lace,
replied Mrs. Crewe Doyle. II hear
that is very stylish now"--Vogue.
A LINE in one Of Louis Morris
poems says: -The old thoughts shall
never more be thought" Mr.. Nor.
ris can never get the support OF the
funny papers for the laureateshlp on
such a platform as that.---Indianapo-
lis Journal.
Ten BRoKE-"I wish / hadn't mar
ried such an orthodox woman" Askit |
your wife make you 60 to
church," Ten Broke-"No; but she !,
holds to the Biblical theory OF the |
creation. Seems to think I'm made
Of dust Puck.
FIRST ADVOCATE OF ELECTRICITY |