The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1893-12-29
HIS BEST HAUL.

A merchant tailor in the city of Buffalo
many years ago, having accumulated
competency at his trade, determined to
throw aside his shears and spend the re
mainder of his life upon farm.
He purchased several hundred acres of
land in Tonawanda, and there was fish
ing ground on the estate.
Mr.. c., the ex-merchant, was delighted
with his new occupation, and he devoted
his best efforts with untiring zeal to farm
ing and fishing. Being hard of hearing,
he often made ludicrous blunders, which
excited the mirthfulness of his friends and
customers.
His graceful and beautiful daughter
was at boarding school near New York
city at the time her father purchased the
farm. She had lover and promised to
marry him, providing he could obtain the
consent of her parent to the matrimonial
alliance.
The young man travelled west as fast as
the iron horse would take him in that di-
rection. On the morning after his arrival
he was strolling along the banks of the
creek that sweeps through the village of
Tonawanda, when he met a plain old gen
tleman, dressed in homespun, and inquired
of him "if the cars had commenced run
ming to the falls yet"
principally pike and mullet," said he.
"You misunderstood me-" continued
the young man. 81 merely wish to know
if the cars have commenced their trips to
the falls of Niagara, and what the fare
is"
"From to cents pound"
"Do you intend to insult meH"
II will let you have large quantity for
2 cents"
81 have good mind to give you a can
ing for your impertinence.
"Well, if you do not choose to give it
know who will"
81 should like to know if there are any
more such fools as you are in the town of
Tonawanda."
1--WE shall make another haul in the
morning before daylight"
At this instant another citizen made his
appearance, and the stranger stated his
grievance to him. He said:
81 have been asking this old man few
civil questions, and he has given me the
most impertinent answers"
ooh, he is deaf" exclaimed the third
party. "He is deaf as post, but he is a
very fine old gentleman-one of the best
men in town-one of the most influential
and respectable men in the country, in
deed. He deals in fish somewhat, and so
do |. 1t is possible he may think that |
am endeavoring to undersell him; will you
therefore do me the favor to write down
your question on a scrap of paper, and
save me from suspicion, and satisfy your
self in regard to the old gentleman's po-
liteness?"
The young man commenced writing,
when the old farmer fisherman interrupt
ed him with the remark:
81 will not take note of hand. Cash
on the nail, or no trade"
"He is preparing a note" said the last
conner.
Call me brute, do you," exclaimed
Mr.. c., "then take that" and suiting the
action to the word, he dealt him blow
straight from the shoulder, which pros
trated him "flat as founder"
BY this time the note was finished and
the old gentleman discovered his mistake
and about this time the young stranger
made the discovery that he had been pick
ing quarrel with his prospective father
in-law.
Mr.. c. made an apology and invited
both parties to go over to his house and
dine. The front door commanded view
of meadow in which COW was feeding
and while Mr.. C. was looking in that di-
rection the youthful lover, whose heart
was OVERLOOKING with emotion, commenced
the task he came such long distance to
perform.
""I am acquainted with your daugh-
ter" said he in loud tone.
"She is a fine beast" remarked the old
gentleman, looking at the cow.
"Your daughter" screamed the young
man. 81 have the honor to be we'll &C
quainted with her,"
"She is a noble animal" was the quiet
response.
81 was speaking about your amiable and
accomplished daughterl"
"She is very kind-indeed, never breaks
down the fences-never kicks over the pals
never strays away like the other brutes
have"
"You don't understand me, sirl was
speaking Of your daughter at boarding
schoolp'
"No, never put board on her face;
she never does any mischief at all.
"Your daughterl" shouted the young
man, frantic with excitement.
ibid you say ought to'''
"No, sirl Twas speaking of your daugh-
ter, the young lady away from home"
"Oh, yes-I have plenty of room, but |
think she is too old to keep much longer.
To tell you the truth have made up my
mind to shut her up in the stable and feed
her on chop stuff few weeks"
"Great heavens'' remarked the young
man to himself. "What shall dor This
deafness will be the death of mel will
try once more, and if this effort fails
will resort to pencil and paper again."
II should like to say word or two to
you respecting your daughter"
II shall let the butcher have her by and
by-if he will give me my price, said the
old man with emphasis.
As last resort the young man used his
pencil and paper-showed his letters of in
PRODUCTION. After little cross question
ing and little hesitation, the old gentle
man gave his consent, and when the par
ties were married he declared it was the
best haul he had made in all his life
Exchange