Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1893-03-11
PITH AND POINT.

never one of his wife's.-Chicago Inter.
Ocean.
The man who buckles down to busi-
ness runs but little chance of being
apped.-Troy Ptess.
A man never realizes how much fur
niture he owns until he tries to walk
through bis house in the dark.
The economical housemaid is an artist
to a certain extent. She "draws the
purse strings. boston Courier.
No man ever loses his temper so that
he could not find it before he foun1 his
collar button. Galveston News.
The business man who occupies apart.
ments over his store can't very well avoid
living above his income. Troy Press.
There never was picture sweeter,
More winsome or more bright;
She's always smiling when you meet her.
Her teeth, you see, are white.
New YORK Press.
Corporal-"Four days arrest to Pri-
vate Y for brayi1g In the dormitory
like an ass, in imitation of the colonel
--Almanach Amusant.
"Aren't you ashamed to walk across
the street in such torn and shabby
coatG" "Why should Ii 1t isn't my
own l"-Taglische Ruudschau.
Until n man starts out habltually to
look out for No. l, he never realizes
what lot of other people are following
the same idea.-Somervil Journal.
Mrs. Watts-''Are you anxious to earn
a good dinner, my poor MANI" Weary
Watkins-"Not half so anxious as am
for the dinner. Indianapolis Journal.
The barber need not weary grow
In carrying out his many plans
For he's the lucky chap, you know,
Who does his head work with his han Is.
Chicago Mail,
Yeast-''What are you going to make
out of your boy2' Crimsonbeak-"A
lecturer" "Has he taste for it2"
ooh, yes; be inherlts it from his mo
Their. Statesman.
Wife--"Don't you believe the gas
meter is detective in some way" Hps-
band-''It may be, but 1 notice that it
is able to fill the bill every month" -
Chicago rOcean.
Tomdik-''Do you think American
women are getting taller3' Hojsck-
al don't know about that, but they are
keeping American men as short as ever"
Detroit Free Press.
Oar janitor was lorily, bas
One day hs TOOK wife,
Aud now he has the meekest strut
I've seen in all my life.
-Pittsburs Dispatch.
Mr.. Ho5son during the spaD-
"Marla, I'm astonished. You're talking
through your hat" Mrs. Hobsou (witl
agnidcance) -"Well, it's the same hat
I've had for going on three winters
now"
81 don't think that fellow will DO
quite so fresh hereafter" remarked old
Farmer Huskey, the other nj 5ht, as he
sent load of rock salt into the f.eiu,
figure OF the chicken thief.-phila1cl-
phia Record.
"Helen, whats wrong with the pie
crust2 1t doesn't half cover the pie"
'Why, dearest, l asked your mother
all about how to make them to suit you,
and she said to make the crust very
short. Inter Ocean.
Father-"You seem to look at things
in different light since your marriage. ,
His Newly Married Daughter--"Well, l
ought to after receiving fourteen lamps
and nine csndelabras for welding pres
ents. Brooklyn Life.
"What is philosophy said charm.
ing young lady to young savant. With
graceful bow the latter replied
PHILOSOPHY consists in finding yourself
in most delightful company wItnout
losing your presence of mlnd."
Mr.. Snaggs (readin2)-"A Western
newspaper charges that many OF the SER
want girls of the country are in league
with the Anarchists" Mrs. Snaggs-
"That explains why Bridget smsshes so
many things. j. Pittsburg Chronicle.
She--"What is the science OF palm
istry | hear 50 much aboutl' He-"The
art of telling fortunes by the hand"
She-"Can you tell my fortune by my
handln He-"No, but il l had your
hand could tell my own fortune. ~
Vogue.
Father writes to schoolmaster: 81
desire that you give my boy, Johnny,
sound thrashing whenever he misbehsves
himself or neglects his lessons. You may
rest assured that | will return you the
compliment at any time. "-Fliegende
Blatter.
Small Boy-"Don't you have good
tunes when you travel on the carsi"
Mrs. Gabbler--"Why, dear p Small
Boy--"Well, mamma said you was two
faced, aud I'd think it would be an awful
lot of fun to look out of two car windows
at once. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Little john PegIey was caught up
peach tree, filling bushel sack. He
was Immediately taken irto custody and
led toward courthouse that was to serve
as a temporary prison. Discounted aud
bewildered by his sudden apprehension,
he said, in most solemn and entreatins
tone: Miss Bette, declare t gracious
it amt me. "-Harper's Bazlr.