The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1893-02-11
TAX Reform DEPARTMENT.
A Mysterious Visit.
Lfrak Twain.


me when l settled down, recently
an assessor, and connected with the
United States internal revenue depart
ment said had never heard of his
branch of the business, before, but l
was very glad to see him all the same
would he 81. down? lie sat down. l
did not know anything particular to
say, and yet felt that the people who
had arrived at the dignity OF keeping
house must be conversational, must be
easy and sociable in company. So in
default of anything else to say, asked
him if he was opening his shop in the
neighborhood
He said he vas. did not wish TO
appear ignorant, but l had hoped he
would mention what he had for sale.
/ ventured to ask him How was
trade ?" and he said $50 So"
then said we would drop in, and if
we liked his house as well as any other,
we would give him our custom
lie said he thought we would like his
establishment well enough TO corfne
ourselves to it, and said he never saw
any body who would go off and hunt up
any other man in his line after trading
with him once.
That sounded pretty complacent, but
barring that natural expression of viii
lainy which we all have, the man looked
honest enough.
I do no. know how il came about ex-
nctly, but gradually we appeared to
melt down and run together, conversa-
tionally speaking, and then everything
went along as comfortably as clock
wor6.
We talked, we talked and talked-at
least 1 did; and we laughed, and
laughed, and laughed-at least he did.
but all the time / had my presence of
mind about mel had my native
shrewdnesx turned on full head" as
the engineers say, was de-
termsacd to find out all about
his business in spite of his OBJ
scure answers-and l was determined /
would have it out of him without his
suspecting what was at l meant to
stop him with a deep, deep ruse |
would tell him nll about my business,
and he would naturally SO warm to me
during this seductive burst of conf
dence that he would forget himself, and
tell me all about his affairs before he
suspected what / was about thought
to myself. my son, You little know what
an old fox you are dealing with. said:
''Now you never would guess what
made lecturing this winter and last
spr,ngs'
mol don't believe could, to save
me. Let me see-let me see. About
two thousand, maybe? But no; no, sir.
I know you couldn't have made that
much-say seventeen hundred maybe:
"Ha! ha! knew you couldn't My
lecturing receipts for last spring and
this winter were fourteen Thousand
seven hundred and fifty dollars. What
do you think of that?'
s'Why it is amazing--perfeetly amaz
ing. will make note of it. And yor
say even this wasn't alp"
"All! Why bless you, there was m,
income from the Daily Warwhoop TO
four months-about-abo wha
should you say to about $4,000, for in
stance?'
''Say! Why, l should say l shoul'
like to see myself rolling in just sucl
another ocean of affiuence Eight thou
sand! I'll make a note of it. Why man
and on top of all this am to under
stand that you had still more income?
"Ha! ha! ha! Why, you're only in tn
suburbs of it, so TO speak. There's m
book, The Innocents Abroad pric
So 50 to s., according to the binding
Listen to me- Look me in the eye
During the last four months and hall
saying nothing of sales before that, bu
Just simply during the four months ant
a half, we've sold ninety five thousan
copies of that book Ninety-five thou
sand! Think of it Average 81 a copy
say It's nearly 100000, my son. g.,
half"
1.-THE suffering Moses! I'll set tina
down. Fourteen seven fifty-eight-
two hundred. Total, say-well, upo
my word, the grand total is abou
ssls,OOO or ss14,OOO. Is that possible?
Possible! If there's any mistake it
the other way; ss14,Oo0, cash, is my il
come for this year, if / know how
cipher"
Then the gentleman got up to go.
came over me most uncomfortably tina
maybe i had made my revelations fc
nothing. besides being flattered int
stretching them considerably by tn
strangers astonished ordinations. Br
no; at the last moment the gentlema
handed me a large envelope, and said
contained his advertisement; and that
would find out all about his business
it; and that he would be happy to ha'
my custom-would, in fact, be proud
have the custom of a man of such pr
digious income; and that he used
think there were several wealthy me
in the city. but when they came
trade with him. he discovered that the
barely had enough to live on; and th'
in truth it had been such a wear