The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-01-04
Mistaken POliteness.

Is there any one who has not suffer.
ed from the mistaken politeness OF
| friend and neighbors? How many
times have host and guest sat martyr.
like till late in the evening, making
heroic efforts to be agreeable, because
each feared the other would think il
rude if he expressed wish to retire!
Most of us, too, have been visited in
affiiction by neighbors for whom we
ctfred nothing, and who cared moth
ing for us, but who crme because they
thought it would not be polite to stay
away.
Ayoung minister, not long ago,
spent Sunday with strangers. After
the evening service he said to friend /:
"My preaching tonight was fail
ure, and I'll tell you why. The morn
| ing service always exhausts me, and
am in the habit taking nap in the
afternoon; then I feel fresh and bright
at night. But the people with whom
I am staying devoted themselves to en-
tertaining me this afternoon, and
thought it would not be polite to ex
cuse myself. So managed to keep y
wake and appear interested, but my
evening service had to suffer in con
sequence.
The friend, CHANGING next day. tt
meet the young minister's hostess
made some reference to him. ~.
49," said the lady, "we liked hin
very much, except for one thing. Il
He stayed down stairs all the after
noon, and seemed to enjoy being in
tertained 80 we'll that we felt il
would be rude to leave him; and !
confess that 1 got completely tired
outn
What q mistaken politeness was
this on both sides! Every true Chris.
tian is Wiling to deny himself even in
little things for the Happiness OF
others, but when two people deny
themselves, and succeed only in max
ing each other miserable, the absurdity
of the so-called politeness is apparent
And yet few of us are wholly guilt.
less in the matter.
Politeness is desire to please others
and to avoid what ever may be disa.
greeable to them. 1t isn't always easy
to know what will please another, es
pecially one who is comparative
stranger, anc the only solution of the
difficulty is in simple frankness. j.
Let the host say to his guest: 81
think you must be tired, and hope
YOU will feel at liberty to go to your
room at any time, though, OF course,
have no desire to hurry YOU Ger.
tainly noone would stay after that un.
less lie we're really enjoying himself,
in which case the true host would
be quite willing to put aside his own
preference in regard to retiring.
Oftentimes host invites his guest
to visit the manufactures Of the place
or to 60 on some excursion, because he
thinks his friend woulc wish to &c
when in reality it is an unmitigateo
bore to both. How much better fol
him to say: Nov there are such ano
such things which we might do, buI
have no wish in the matter except
your pleasure. you wouldn't enjoy
them don't hesitate to say so, and
should he delighted if you would sug
gest something else.n This would pre-
clude all danger of obliging him to de
what was distasteful to him.
If children, from the first were
trained to frankness mot the so-callec
bluntness which causes people to say
and do most disagreeable things, bul
the frankness which answers friends
and acquaintance just as they would
like to be answered), then they would
seldom make themselves and Others
uncomfortable through mistaken po.
Neutrality-suspicious..