Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-08-09
CONGRESSIONAL STORIES.
Sherman Hoar Mistaken fora Page aud
the Result.

Dan Quinn in the Ka.sas city Times.
Sherman Hoar was very young then.
Indeed he is still. But year ago he
was very young. 1t was also his fate TO
closely resemble in personal appearance
the chief page on the Republican side of
the house. This similarity came at last
to be the basis OF grief 10 Sherman Hoar.
1t was this way:
Congressman, many OF them, have a
taste to be cleanly. As an adjunct to'the
house is lavalory, much like in sort
and scheme to the wash room of a ho-
tel. After some unusually dirty piece Of
legislation members are wont to go there
to wash their hands and submit their
countenance to the cooling waters OF the
Potomac, which flow from the faucels.-
This lavatory is in care of a young col
ored man. He is not a person of broad
views nor quick intelligence and his spec
ialty is sleep. The page aforesaid has
taste for humor. 1t was his joy to dis
cover the colored young man wrapped IN
slumber and overturn his chair or by
cuffs and kicks restore him to indignant
wakefu!ness. The page always made a
timely and successful exit just as the col
ored person became fully alise These
athletics the page regarded as a great
continuing zest, as so, indeed, they were.
One day toward the close of the last
session the page had been uncommonfy
jocund. Fully a round dozen of times
had the poor colored person been brought
back from peaceful dreams in the riotous
manner described. Nor did he get a
chance to retaliate. The joke was never
on the nimble page once. So the bedev-
lied colored young man was very low
spirited
Just as the House clock pointed to !
the wronged Congo came into the wash
room freighted with towels. Could he
believe his eyes? His enemy was there
bent above wash bowl bathing his hu-
morous face. The colored race is not
original. 1t is an imitator. It's schemes
are simple and its methods direct On this
occasion the colored young man merely
kicked his foe, but he kicked him with
accuracy and emphasis. He thought of
the wrongs of his race and threw his
whole soul into it. The victims head
struck the wall with the marvellous force OF
the billy goat in full career. Then the
victim, with an exclamation Of rage and
horror, lifted his dripping and astonished
face. 1t was Sherman Hoar.
Eye witnesses recite that the colored
man did not faint. He probably did
not. No colored person ever iaints that
is purely IA Caucasian accomplishment.
But he compromised by turning a dingy
ecru. Thus it came to pass that Sher.
man Huars whole record could be stated
He came to Congress to be kicked by a
coIored janitor on theory that he was a
page Such be the mshaps Of greatness.
1t was a beautiful afternoon. Two
Congressmen filled a happy side. bar bug
gy, the whole bending It's way at brisk,
thirsty trot to that noted aud popular
hosiery of the suberbs, the Woodley
: Inn. One of the Congressman was Col
John r. Fellows. the other wi hholds his
name.
As they spurted along level stretch
I. of country road they ran upon a native
who was very much dissatisfied with bis
wife. She did not, in some Of her do
nestle economies, altogether meet bi:
rigorous views, and he was coDfding hi;
objections to her with no end of noise and
profanity just as our law givers drove up
, In fact the ugly husband was advising
! himself to whip the offensive lady and
betrayed symptoms. indeed, Of acting oil
, the suggestion.
Col. Fellows drew rein and sternly re
monstrated with the ugly husband. The
ugly husband retorted in forcible and
boundIess way. He declared it to b.
immaterial whom he chastiSed aud offer
| ed to whip Col. Fellows in lieu Of hi
wife. The other statesman, beng 4
young athletic six footer, then assumed
the pressure. He asked the ugly hus
band-who was not giant at all anC
very much resembled what is colloquiall,
, termed a sure thing-if he would permit
|, him to act as substitute for Col. Eel
lows and the husband said he would b.
b too happy. Thereupon the member Sc
!, substituted got out Of the buggy aud th'
ugly husband beat him to rags in mo
ment His wife, who stayed TO see th'
fun, was very much delighted, aud at th'
close kissed the ugly husband and extol
led his valor. The ugly husband wa