The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1893-06-20
LAURENs, s. G., juno 20, 1893
The Private Secretary

"The Private Secretary"
From the Press and Reporter, in
the region OF which is situated that
nominally boom town, Prosperity,
we clip the following startling and
alarming intelligence:
ga MYSTERIOUS VISIT"
DOR BUFFERS PRIVATE sEcRErARY AT
NEwBERRY-BE ON YoUR GUARD RE-
FoRMERs."
"Senator Buffers private secre-
tary, Mr.. Roper, was in Newberry
last month. The object of his visit
Is a mystery unless he was there
Tillmanite to desert his faction in
order to be Postmaster at New
berry. Wait fellow Reformers and
you may see who the traitor is.
He is known, and Is being watched"
. "REFORMER."
"Reformors" of Newberry, from
the cavernous depths of its heartthe
ADVERTISER deplores your most
piteous plight. When the Fry
manthean boar laid waste the
country round about Psophis there
was a vigilant and avenging Her
cules to catch him in O net but it
would appear that this ravening
secretary has done the damage
while you slept. Will you kindly
inform us where your Hercules
was at?
Newberrians, it is, alas! and 10!
q horrible fate that has visited you.
1t "cuts us to the heart" to contem-
plate how this fiend in secretary's
form, or serpents form, or croco
die form or perhaps reform or
some other terrible form has circu-
lated among you and wrought
havoc "last month";" violating the
sweet and fragrant serenity of
balmy May. When we remember
that the object Of his visit ia still a
"mystery" it racks our soul to con
slider the unknown and unimagined
seeds Of devilment that he may
have sown. Who can say that this
creature instigated by the very old
Satan himself did not spread the
contagion Of "political leprosy" and
that it is not secretly raging from
Mollohon to Dutch Fork? We con-
jure you by all the tribe of Bepja-
min to freely use disinfectants. 1t
Is moreover our solemn duty to
warn the "Reformers" of Laurens
to declare a strict quarantine
against all Newberry reformers un-
til every suspicion of the foul dis
ease is banished from your metes
and bounds.
But what means the ominous
language of "buying some Tillman-
ite" Is u fondly cherished faith
that Newberry Performers: were
unpurchasable to be thus rudely
shattered? Can it be that they
may be enticed by the paltry al
lurements of a post Office in an Anti
town? Or do you mean to convey
the idea that they will not come
much higher than three for a quar-
ter?
We respectfully suggest that you
rise in your wrath and extermi-
nate the "traitor" alluded to. 1t is
no use to "wait, 'reformers,' that
you may see who the traitor is"
Stab him in the dark and shoot
him on the spot. His case calls for
condign punishment. The proper
thing to do is to lynch him quick
or else apply the deadly black list.
Tie time has come for action
"reformers of Newberry. 1t is
your duty to hold another caucus,
pass a resolution and SO blast for
ever the "traitor" whose existence
is suspected and whose physiology
the willy and wandering secretary
may have rubbed up against.
To quote the burning words of a
celebrated Sc cret circular issued in
ancient times by an eminent states
man who seems about to disappear
into the abysmal depths of private
life, "let none pass and replss un-
less they are psoperly vouched tor"
DIR. w. y. Alexander,
IN. Wy o. 49,