The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-08-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

cured all the faith l had. Vogue.
If the money market gets much
tighter it should be run in and given
a chance to sober off.-Detroit Free
Press.
The difficulty between capital and
labor is that each wants the other at
the least possible outlay.-Detro1 Free
Press.
Mother (emphatically) Johnny,
what are you doing out there in the
rainP Johnny-Gittin' wet,-Detroit
Free Press.
"Gracious! See that messenger boy
running!" "Yes; he has message
for the umpire at the baseball
grounds. IN Y. Press.
1t is bad enough to break party ties,
but it isn't half so embarrassing as to
have them work around under your
ears.-1erGs Sytings.
The condemned murderer is usually
able to tell when his time has come by
the death watch the warden provides
for him.-Bafalo Courier.
You perhaps wouldn't think so to
look at it, but almost any musician
WILL Ic1A you Indb buS StlGh OCdGS bHc
drum all Troy Press.
Among the latest forms of enter
tainment is one they call "An evening
with the poets" Eating has no place
on the programme.-Bufato Courier.
Maud (poetic)-April showers bring
May flowers. May (practicaD-April
showers aren't in it with the young
man who is now calling on me.-Puck.
The summer girl may equally love
the mountain, the country, or the
shore, but of all spots on this earth
Times.
No matter how finely the display
window Of store may be fitted up, the
pretty young lady clerk will always
prove counter-attraction.- Rochester
Democrat.
"a man." said Uncle Moses, sis O
heap like silver dollah. De best way
to find out wat kline O. metal he is
made of is to slam him down hard."-
Indianapolis Jo1rnGl
%Who was Ajax?" said the teacher to
q pupil. %He was a capitalist" re-
piled one. "How do you make that
outP" He defied the lightning to
strike. Brooklyn Life.
Groom-At the altar, almost, 1 ask
you if you can be content to be my
life partnerP Birdie-Why, Charlie,
what put that fantastic idea into your
head?-Detroit Tribune.
Dicksmith-How do you account fol
Miss Muchcash never having married
Kajones-Easy enough. She's too
blamed stingy even to entertain q
proposal. Buffalo Courier.
mime. Leo says that she will not &C
into the lions cage for her perform.
ance tonight" Manager-Why mott
ingmaster-She says that there is q
mouse in the cage.-CEu6.
"Do you know" said the man who
was going to have tooth pulled, 81
don't think dental parlor' is good
phraseP" "NoP" "Drawing room
would be much better" p Washingtor
Star.
Visitor at the Club-How singularly
looks belle character. The pale youth
yonder, hear, is very hard case.
Old Member really know very little
about his habits. He is my son.
Vogue.
Brown-So Tillipy is deadp Jones
Yes; he died at 5 o'clock this morn
ing. Brown-What were his last
words? Jones-He didn't have any.
His wife was there.-Detroit Free
Press.
First tramp found this here bet
tie O. spring bitters in barl this
mornin' Second tramp-T'row il
away, Fitzey. S'posen' dev was to
cure you of "that tired feeling!" You
might want TO work.-Puck.
at amt no wonder that city people
don't live long" said old Mrs. Jason.
&Law, me! if had as many neighbo
to look after as folks that lives in cities
must have I'd be dead in less'n a
year. ."-Indianapolt Journal.
Nancy Hanks, the queen of the turf,
is fed with hay at $63 ton and oats
costing 81 per 100 pounds. The lowly
mule will be a worse anarchist than
ever when he hears of this extrava-
gance.-IndiGnGpolis Journal.
Bass-My wife is such busy little
woman! She gives her whole time,
nearly, to dress reform. Cass-Dress
reformp O., yes, | see; making over
some of her old duds. Bass That is
what 1 said.-Boston Transcript.
A woman's grief is hard thing to
fathom. You can never tell whether
: the cook has just left or is going to
leave, or whether the woman wants
her to leave and is too much scared to
discharge her Washington Star.
Ten Broke-I wish / hadn't married
such an orthodox woman. Askit-
Does your wife make you go to church,
Ten Broke-No; but she holds to the
biblical theory of the creation. Seems
to think I'm made of "dust. Puck.
"That young woman who ordered
the ice cream has tainted" said tht
waiter. "Well, don't you know enough
to bring her TOP" asked the proprietor
And the waiter went back to the hole
in the wall and yelled: MAKE it two!'
Indianapolis Journal.
DR., A.-Why do you always make
such particular inquiries as to wha
your patients eat? Does that assis
you in your diagnosis? DR.. B.--No
that, but it enables me to ascertain
their social position and arrange my
fees accordingly."-Ne@e Zet.
There is a great deal of satisfac
tion," she said sweetly, ain delivering
your commencement address in Latin.
%Whyp" Because, if you happen t.
forget any of it you can go in and i'm
provise without anybody's knowing
the difference. y Washington Star.
Which do you4prefer, blondes
or brunettes? Cholly-That depends
on me costume and the weathaw, don
cherknow. A light Lunnun check ant
sunshine goes we'll with a bwunette
but fob dahk weather and cutaway
blonde lights up wondahfully."-N
7. San.
A man riding on bicycle in Chins
was recently attacked and wounded
by the natives because they though
that he was foreign devil" AS b,
limped to a place of safety he wal
heard to mutter: "Better fifty years
of Europe than bicycle in Cathay."-
N. Y Tribune.
Missouri Brakeman = Shadeville
Sha-a-deville! Joe Bigler! Nervous
enderfoot-M-may l ask what's thu
meaning of the Joe Bigler part of tina