Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-12-21
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
Sprinkles of Spice.

ALL persons ola enough TO pear
arms should be vaccinated. Plea
yune.
THE man who is driven to drink"
usually has to walk back. -Ionkers
Statesman.
SOME people succeed in taking time
by the forelock but they cannot hold
him. Galveston News.
No. MAUD. dear, all meetings of
the lumbermen are not board meet
ings. Philadelphia Record
WIGGINs says that popping the
question" is questionable proceed
ing. -Binghamton Republican.
No MAN was ever so much in love
that he found himself unable to sleep
Sunday morning, -Elmira Gazette.
You can't tell what man will do
in horse trade by the amount Of
noise he makes in church. RAMS
Horn.
UNLIKE the photographers, the
dark room in counting is mainly used
for developing alternatives. --Phila-
delphia Times.
THE toy-pistol victim comes once a
year, but the crank who wants to
shoot Niagara Falls is perennial. -
Washington Star
WHEN a pretty girl prefers a pug
dog TO young man for an escort
who is the joke on, anyway?
land Plain Dealer.
THE top-heavy eXuberance Of Ia
dies clOaks makes shOulderhitting
involuntary on the public walks. -
Boston Transcript.
Mrs. FARLAR-"I hear you give
much for charity?' Mrs. Tumtum--
81 suppose SO. My hired girl has lots
of relatives "-EXchange.
HE-"Where ignorance is bliss It's
folly to be wise" She (enviOusly)-
MY my: how supremacy blissful you
ought to be. Exchange.
SNooK-I always believe in cllng
a spade spade Goo x So do /: ex-
cept when | am trying to fake
through a club flush. Puck.
TRAVELLER - Now, what ought
little boys to say when gentleman
gives them penny for carrying his
bag? Small boy-'Tain't 'nough. .
Tit-Bits
A COMPLAINT of Agar old: ooh,
aunty! l just went to touch little
chicky, and the old hen growled at
| me, and bit me with her nose!"-BOs-
| ton Courier
REPRESENTATION are the bivalves
divided? Student-They amt divid-
! ed at all. You swallow EN- whole
with little lemon juice and pepper
sauce Exchange.
YoUTH-How am | to know that
this bicycle is model of '93? Dealer
| My dear sir, if it were not 1913 we
should not dare charge s. much more
| than it is worth. Good News.
NEw-YoRkl You don't see any
grass in our streets, anyway" She
rom lphia)-"No.o Must
he the climate. The soil is GER a My
rich enough. Brooklyn Life.
This looks like a good farming
country" said traveller in North
Dakota to a native What do you
raise mostly?" "The limit" replied
the latter, briefly. Exchange
The personal estate Of the late Or.
John II. $. Fogg, Of Boston, includes
autographs valued at $25. 900. His
heirs will appreciate how much there
is in a name Philadelphia Ledger.
GOOD SAMARITAN-"D Don t you know
better than to drive that poor horse
up hill 50 ia t." OConnor-"Up
/ l. n "a =
| blind and he can't see it," LIES
! Calendar.
DURING the siege Of Paris French
lady. driven by hunger to eat her pet
dog, exclaimed when she had finished
] her meal: Poor Rhine! how pleased
! she 0 I'D have been to gnaw her own
| bones. lie Paoillon.
THE SAGE-"in choosing a wife,
young man, you must not look for
+ beatty alone The loath-"Of
course not 1t IS the other kind Of
girl that one may expect to ind
! alone Indiana polls Journal.
How Is your new oil well doing?"
| Its only light producer. T" You
| didn't expect thing else, did your"
/ "Why not?" "The ultimate object o.
| all oil wells is to produce light. y
| pIttsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
MCGoBB-"I see they do be I'd kin:
av havin' free letter delivery for n
/ farmers. What do you think av it,"
McGabb-"i don't know whether [
am Tor it or agin it. Do they have it
in England: "-Indianapolis Journal.
FATHER MCNALLY with righteous
ndignation) Fer shame an We,
OBleary. Yc're half drunk" O'Blea-
ry (apo,oretically)-"Oi know it, Yer
worship: bit it's not nv fault. Owe