The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-06-08
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Drowning Man-''Help. Do throw
me life-belt!" Passenger Ia tailor
Most happy to oblige. What size
round the waist, please?'-Ube Der Land
und Nicer
-He-"What charming young
woman She speaks on every topic
with equal ease" Shea matter of
atavism, my dear. Her grandfather
was barber. lie Figaro.
i wish | could learn to like oys-
ters." You can easy enough"
'How?" Just wait until they cost
three or four times what they are
worth"
Speedy Colors.-Uncle Bluegrass
Will them colors rum" Clerk-"Yes;
but l can give you something else"
Uncle Bluegrass-|No:M Mandy said to
be sure and get fast colors. Wasp
Mitigation Judge Have YOU
any remarks to offer that may lead to
a mitigation of your sentence?' Pris-
oner-'Yes, / will thank you to have
sofa put in my cell. "-Seifenblasen.
-Stranger-''I am in search of an
editor. How many people in this town
who know how to run a newspaper"
Editor-''Well. the population numbers
885.-Atlanta Constitution.
$50 Bankster married his type
writer operator" Yes" And she
doesn't do any more work?" at didn't
turn out that way. She simply doesn't
draw any more salary. Washington
Star.
Mrs. Watts-'Mary Ann, these
balusters seem always dusty. | was at
Mrs. Johnson's to-day, and her stair
rails are clean, and as smooth as
glass" Mary Ann-''Yes, mem. She
has tree small boys"
Her First Baking. - Tattersall-
"You are very, very cruel, madam"
Mrs. Youngwise-"Why? Haven't l
given you something to eat?'' latter
salt asked for bread and you give
me a stone.''-N Y. Herald.
Jack Potts-''I am sorry, aunt, that
you feel so tired: for this japanese sec
ton is most interesting. Won't you let
me get you jinrikisha?" Aunt Bracer
-'Well, perhaps t would make me
feel little better; but don't have it
made too strong!''-World's Fair Puck
knew from Experience.-''W What is
more awful to contemplate" said
lecturer, glaring about him, than the
relentless power of the maelstrom?"
And henpecled-looking man in the
rear of the building softly replied:
"Femalestrom. Yankee Blade.
-Jimmy-"Why don't yer come over
here an skate? The ice is heap
slicker." Tommy-"They's more fun
here. If was to break through here,
I'd likely drown, an over there tn
water amt a foot deep. "-Indianapolis
journal.
What do you think of the board
of directors of the new joint stock COM
pany?" Hall of them are people who
are capable of nothing, while the rest
are capable of g"'-Fliegende
Batter.
Petition Granted. won't you give
me just one little kiss, my darling?"
he pleaded in low and tender tone.
Il can only say, she answered in her
brisk and breezy western prairie style,
shat am true Chicago girl, and the
motto of Chicago is L will. '"-Somer-
vile Journal.
-Highwayman Ito Mr.. Levy, second
hand dealer in miscellaneous property
Your money or your life" Mr..
Lsvy-"Mine friendt, you cannot ex-
pect me to gift you my money for nod
ings, and mine life von'dt do you no
goot. But l tells you vot | will dol
will buy dot bistol off you at fair
brice!''-Tit-Bi Bits
He Saw Not.-Cleverton-M PEN
dash had on her new gown when 4
called the other night. Have you seen
it?" Dashaway-"Yes. 1 was there
last night" Cleverton-''Didn't you
think it fitted beautifully?" Dash
away-''The gas was SO low l couldn't
see. THE Cloak Review.