Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-05-29
JUST FOR FUN.

Lantern-jawed people can't always
throw light on subject.
Why is a pigs tail like carving
knife? Because it fourishes over
ham.
When a man drinks like fish, it is
not to be wondered at that his head
swimS.
1t is the escaped convict who com
plains, when caught, of being run
down by inquisitive people.
The president can afford to shake
hands with an office seeker when he
can give him a shake that will last.
A German student wrestling with
the English language rendered text
as follows: ''The ghost is willing,
but the meat is feeble"
Costiveness is the primary cause OF much
disease, DR.. Henry Bakers Mandrake Buffers
will permanently cure cost1veness. every
bottle wal ranted.
A young man with pushing quail
ties can always get something to do,
even if it is nothing better than en-
gineering a lawn mower.
Since the introduction of type-set-
ting machines, with seats for the ope-
rators, the printers trade has lost a
great deal of it's standing.
cat what age were you married?''
asked he, inquisitively. But she was
equal to the emergency, and quietly
responded, cat the parsonage"
s1Does that Miss Prim never I'M
| bend?'' ''Never. She has been guilty
of nothing more undignifed than a
sneeze in the last twenty years"
She-I should think bicyclists would
sit up straight when they are riding.
Why is it they lean so far forward?
He Because they are on pleasure
| bent.
| Fatal neglect is little short of suicide. The
| consequences of neglected cough are too we'll
| known to need repeating. DIR. Woods Nor
| way Pine Syrup cures cough promptly. Sold
by all dealers guarantee of satisfaction.
Waiter (to departing guest): "Sir,
do you know, you remind me strong
" of the Spaniards at the capture OF
Granada?" Guest: elbows that?''
Waiter: t'You give no quarter"
A little girl laboriously prepared an
Easter gift for her sanity grandmoth-
err. 1t was a cardboard motto selected
by herself, and bore the words in
scarlet worsted: Go ane Sin No More
Bosom Friends. - What do you say
as to the young barrister's making me
an offer of marriage? "Just what [ ex-
pected! When I Tilted him, he swore
he would do himself an injury"
Too Much Firewater.-The follow
ING significant advertise ment recently
appeared in Western paper: 'Fol
sale, a young rattlesnake. The best
of reasons given for wanting to sell
Inquire Within"
The essential lung healing principle of the
| pine tree has finally been successfully sepa
| rated and refined into perfect cough medl
| cine Dr. Woods Norway Pine Syrup. Solt
by all dealers guarantee of satisfaction.
They mean to rear tall students GU
in Wisconsin. A local paper says, lit
board of education has resolved tt
erect a building large enough to &C
commodate five hundred pupils thre'
stories high"
(Which side of the street do yol
, live on, Mrs. Kipple?" asked coun
sci who was cross examining wit
ness. ssOn either side, sir. If yo1
, go one way, it's on the right side;
, | if YOU go the other way, it's on tn
left side.'
An old count paid his addresses t.
) one of the richest heiresses of Paris
On asking her hand in marriage, h
/ frankly said to her: s'Miss Blank,
, am very old, and you are very young
, | Will you do me the honor to becom
/ my widow"
f 81 don't like your milk" said TIL
5 mistress of the house. "What's wrOn.
with it, mum?" cts dreadfully thin
t and there's no cream on it.' "Arfte
/ you've lived in the city awhile, mum,
s said the milkman encouragingly, "yo
3 will git over them rooral ideas c
S yourn."
The world is always interested in the cur
of consumption; yet its prevention is of ia
more Importance. DR.. Woods Norway Pin
o Syrup is guaranteed to cures coughs an
s colds Sold by all dealers on guarantee c
t satisfaction.
a Children Cry foI