St. Paul daily globe., 1893-05-21
PECULIARITIES OF WOMEN.

them ana perhaps the most noticeable is the
remarkable manner in which they go to e x
tremes in their attire. We have art schools,
cooking schools and dressmaking schools;
isn't it about time some public spirited phil
anthropist endowed a temple of learning
where the art of mending darning, what to
wear and when to wear it, would be taught
exclusively? Il would thin out the hospitals
and lunatic asylums considerably. One
glance at some women when they are dressed
in their Sunday clothes is enough to make
most men fit subjects for a free
cot in a cure-orkill establishment. When
we think of some of the combinations
that are exhibited are you surprised that our
insane asylums are filed with men who
imagine themselves queen of the cannibal
islands, Darwin's missing link, or tanned
zebra? One pitiful case came to my she'll
k-with-cardinal-trim mming-ears lately. A
prominent business man who had had some
unusual Worriment of mind during the tight
money market came home rather down.
cast, but expected to find rest in the BOSOM
of his fond family. He reached the front
door safely; out rushed his wife i'll new tea
gown. made Of yellow bunting with purple
dots and nile green ribbons. 1t was too
much; the already over-Worked brain gave
way, and now he occupies straight jacket
and insists that he is flock Of rainbows.
How fortunate it would have been for him
had he been color blind, then this frightful
catastrophe might have been averted; al
though have serious misgivings about such
possibility, for surely such loud combina-
ton could be felt and heard for miles around.
5 5
l women would remember that they are not
all built alike all sizes and species would
not try to be beautiful-and succeed in being
hideous-in the same attire Think of a
woman measuring five feet and two inches,
wearing a big plaid with three ruffles and
balloon sleeves, because she had seen tall,
slender beauty look well in such a costume.
Then imagine lengthy female OF five feet
and eight inches arrayed in striped dress
that would admirably have suited the little
woman. The result of such lack of good
taste is that the little woman strongly re-
sembles an animated circus lemonade barrel.
while the tall one looks very much like
wailing convict telegraph pole. Oh, for
more taste instead of so many clothes.
SSS
Some of the hats this year would actually
frighten man to death if he met one of
them alone in the dark. The women who
attend the worlds fai- want to be very care
full what they wear upon their top-knots. 1t
would rather take the interest out Of fair life
no pun lntended-if one were presented
with q heavy bill for damages by some an
cient African or Turk whose fifteen or
twenty wives had been scared to death by
your travelling headgear. Don't wear wheat,
BIRDS flowers and feathers on one hat, or
some of those ignorant foreigners may think
you are walking exhibit sent from some
Western state. and their attention and in
quiries may be very annoying.
5 5 s
I have perused two hundred sixteen and
one-half journals and magazines which are
supposed to give good advice to young or
old ladies of limited means, or brains, and
every one of them advises wearing to the fair
only one skirt, but taking innumerabe waists.
If many follow this sage advice, not ''by your
deeds will We be known" but by your skirt.
1t would be very convenient III many ways.
AS good a mark of Identification as two
moles on your left cheek or a scar on the end
of your nose. When your friend is 10 st you
can calmly walk to the nearest police station
you won't be able to get foothold on the
cars and only millionalres and aldermen will
ide in ha cks-and ask them to find the girl
with the red skirt trimmed with pink. or the
green skirt trimmed with yellow. You can
not be quite sure of the color of her hair
from day to day, but II she follows the mag
azine's advice the description of her skirt
will never fail you.
s S S
If all our femal es wear the fashionable red
gloves and wells to Chicago, the Europeans
will return to their homes with marvellous
tales of the present condition of the Amer
lean red man and his redder squaw. Who
can blame them if they think the color nat
rural, when every woman has red hands and
a red face? IF our four hundred go there in
body wearing the prevailing hue, the for
eigners will then think they understand why
the red man is considered such a terror
They will gather around their German or
British firesides next winter and relate to an
interested collection of aristocrats how easy
it is to believe the terrible tales told of the
native Americans. after meeting them at
close quarters; also how three-fifths of the
female population are red-faced squaWs.
S 5 5
If women would only buy what is becom-
ing instead of what is stylish. 1t is more
satisfactory to be pretty than stylish. Men
never notice style when beauty is near. Re
member, what is becoming to your neighbor
might make you look like cornfield scare
crow. Because dark-eyed, dark-haired girl
looks well in red, il does not follow that her
sister with hair that or Gates q sensation
among white horses will look handsome in
red. What surely will follow will be pro-
cession Of small boys yelling "Fire!" after
her. and kindly offering to bring bucket of
water to pour on her if she is afraid that her
hair will burn her. They are not to be
blamed; it comes natural to small boys TO be
frank about your personal appearance. No
fear Of flattery or becoming vain while the
small boy lives and thrives. No use of be-
coming angry with them, you couldn't catch
them if you tried; even if you did. succeed in
catching them you couldn't kill them. Moth
ing could. short of a toy gun that isn't loaded.
Their elder brothers would like to be just as
frank, but daren't Let girls with pink hair
avoid red, and their friends won't feel so
warm nor their best fellows want to carry
fire escapes with them when they escort
them to the theater.
SIS 8
Il you are fat, wear plain colors. Thus
you will avoid looking like problem in cube
root. or as if your figure had been built with
the aic of carpenters square. Light colors
increase your size, but black will make you
look small and trim.
S S
Did you ever watch woman buying new
hat? Without a single exception every one
of them will say: "Oh! Of course my hair
isn't combed now, nor my bangs curled, but
how do you think it is going to look when
my hair is fxed?" Why don't they fix" it
before they start? Do they always make it
point to uncomb their hair before they 90 to
milliner's? Then they try on every hat in
the store. trying meanwhile to appear indif-
ferent, but they can't conceal their anxiety.
You feel that it is matter of vital import
ance and shiver when you think of the ter
rible result if they should choose feathers
when flowers were most fashionable, or if
that long suffering saleswoman should4sell
them ribbon when lace ought to be worn.A
S 5 5
heard man asking a young lady with
whom he was shopping why girls werea al
ways interested in tailor shops or coffin
stores. Instead of gazing into windows con-
tanning handkerchiefs. underwear or laces,
which you would naturally think would be