davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
THREE MISTAKES.
They Were Harmless, but Decidedly
Amusing.

There have been many harmless
mistakes made that contributed much
to the amusement OF mankind.
Among them is one told Of a certain
clergyman, who left notice in his
pulpit to be read by the preacher
who exchanged with him. The
clergyman neglected to denote care
fully a private postscript and the con-
grcyation were ;istOn!Shcd to hear the
stranger wind up by saying
You will please come iodine with
me at the parsonage after service"
Another amusing story is told OF a
mini ter The reverend gentleman
was inclined to lie absent-lninded.
and. while walking one day. encoun-
tered a young lady whose face seemed
familiar To him. Taking her to he
one Of his pariShioner,' daughters,
and not wishing to pass her without
notice, he stepped forward and, cor
daily shaking her hand. entered into
abou: the weather, he had at last to
confess:
"Wc!l. / know your face quite
well, bat | cannot recall where l
have seen you before"
:Nh. please, sir, I'm your new par
lor maid" was the reply
a third story. copied from Lon
don periodical, is based upon a small
boys mistake in school. but. as Il
matter Of fact, it is more likely the
incident is based upon the fertile
fancy of the writer. because it is
almost too good to be true. This
story i, Of how Mr.. Whackcm. a fiery
schOOl,na>ter. came to lose Il 'holar
one da.. The class was par,ing Il
sentence.
Nv hat is the imperative Of the
verb to go:' asked Whackcm Of
Johnny FlzzIcton
II don't Know
"GO.' shouted WIackeln.
''Thank You sir" replied Johnny,
and he was two streets off before the
teacher could catch his breath. -
Philadelphia Times.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
4 Drop in Eggs.

He was haught: swell and he 60,
off the elevated train al f e teanth
street. He carried a neat >.lunrc pack
age done IN in white paper Ii might
have been candy hu: ii wa eggs. Tor.
i: You y ease, tie dropped il. cid this
naughty. ho1linr swel! drupEed il
i-,At on the platform. t,-g> are Il bad
thing to drop when you wish {" conceal
the fact that you have them. But " hen
TIA awful crash ana p.a>h and eha-t-
l. revelation cane. one gan.le1n Ill
showed the nerve " ii hero Nj T..
trying - lick them up. you NAV b.
>urc: no. he n .Vrr II we'd y M * he
simply walked on with II: Il Il Re
glance at the wIec.s. Those al did
no. actually see the urup never would
have suspected han him les than
any: oiy N sight. There are Il igh;
Of W, pl, who 90 Il little light hut : =
keeping on the >ly.-Nrw York H"-
cor "a
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
Our Intense Civilization.

Were it not that your se,f-imp posed
burdens We're all taken upon your
handa. and your mind. and your II art,
not for Your own comic AID g.'aIlflra-
ton. but for the Il. z lie joy y-u have
in mlnl,tcring TO otuer>. would talk
to YOU ike d Dutch uLc e. write )
Robert J. Burdettc III one of Ms inir:li
table articles III the HES Home
journal. If | were YOU colonel |
would tie you up b: the thumbs: then
when you We're cat down, You would
rest for three or four hours ANYHOW.
while You fondled Your thumb WIKI
your tendclc-; carrs>t>. Bat / am
II colonel. l.ik many a2otAe.' mon
st." am oul. lieltcuant-coI ne. Live
III. re- easily: want les for the rest of
the household. You say: T. { barn
is Il nice. plain. bare l.nado@n"d place,
going 10 live like the cattle let move
down there No. what's Tie matte"
with the house: It !, d go q enough
place: the man ind, il a q -tigntiul.
beautiful. heavenly place to live III. 1T
doesn't MAKE him any work. You do
make it Il paradise /, T. him. Now just
make it an clIter place Tor yOursc I.
Our intcn e civilization is making th1
home. for the mist ea, Of it. re
from which once yea. At least. >ilt
gladly runs away. Small wonder il
she should run away and never como
back again. You have made Il home
for the monster. such a lair "a Titania
III ght envy. ii grotto wherein tairic,
might love to dance the sweetest,
dnale-t pot on the map Of the world,
Now make it Il resting place for yolr-
self. and II, men" Will look at You and
say: We'll. if She had iccn in Eden
there would have been no snake Is
not the life more than meat, and the
body than raiu.ent:"
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
The impossible.

Tie prisoner at the bar had won
the favor OF the Chicago Judge, and
that dispenser Of justice wanted to
help him.
'Iou have restored the money YOU
stole" he said. and now il let you
OF, what will you do:"
indeed, l will" pleaded the prisoner.
~ here will YOU Coz"
''l'll stay right here in Chicago.
your honor. where l was born and
raised
The Judge shook his head.
-; guess you'll lind it easier at the
workhouse," he said coIdly. "Slx
months Free Press.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
Couldn't Halt Without Ort.crS

But why don't You settle down:
Why do You tramp. tramp, tramp for
ever"
It's dis way. ma am. I'm under Or
der-. In d. battle If Antietam my
commandin' officer lays, Forward
march. an we started. Den he an all
de officers was killed, an no ones ever
commanded us t. halt. | marches on.
on forever, ma'anl. from sense O
duty."-Harpcr's i'azar.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
StranEeSt War Shin AflOat.

The most singula" ship in the world
i, the Iolyphemus of the British navy.
1t Is simply long steel tube. deeply
buried in the water. tine deck rising
only four feet above the sea. 1t carries
no mast or sails. nd is used as a ram
and torpedo boat.-Ncw York Times.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

IT Is WE'LL To GET CLEAR or A COLD the
first week. but ii is IuUc!i letter a.la safer
10 rid yourself ct II the first forty-eigtlt
hours proper remedy for the pur, 0 sc
being ljr. d. james tNpcctorant
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
Ants Tunnel Three Miles.

South American ants have been
known toe instruct Il tunnel three miles
in length. Il lab T. for them prop .rtion-
ate t" that which would b. required
for men to tunnel under the Atlantic
from New York to London
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
A FAITHFUL SENTINEL

IN GUARDINC ONE or UNCLE SANS PORTALS
EkLATE., HIS EXPEKIEhfE.
Treasury Department, l.. S. Inmiuntionl
S'rr,re. HuGdln, -. J. {
WORLDS DIspENsARy ELrirAL Association:
Dear Sirs- From early childhood hrvc suf-
fcrcd from Il slugRisi liver with all the dis
orders accompanying such q cDm,.anion.
Doctors prescriptinits and patent medicines
] have used III atii.iLrCr; they GUi. az Or,!cd
temporary r'l"t. WIS recommended IT, try
DIR. P'rCcs Pleasant Pellets, did 80, taking
three Ut might and two after dinner every
day for two weeks. ] then reduced tie dose TO
one "Pellct Cvcry day and continual this
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

Tn" Pleasant flavor. gentle action and
500 .n- cEe l. u =, TAP Of r'C~ when
IL need Of Il laxative. alb if :hr father
CT me- iler b,. ,n:.-iN. OF i il Gus the most
IRA !! Wax results foil ,w i! use : ka-
il Is the best family rene. V inown,
al" v>ry family should have a hutlic
IL Ed
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
SWamp-Ro Cured Ne.

much, but your medicine has regulated my
bowels which were in Il bad condition | will
willingly answer any one who will write to
mt. Mrs. William Tctcr
Al Druggisss. 80 centa and i 90 size.
"Invalts Guide Ia Health free Consultation free
Or. klllner y Co., BlnKhum.On. n "
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

SEE colchester Spadinc Boot adj in
other column.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

SILENCE is the safest course fer any
man 70 adopt who distrusts himself
Rochefoucauld.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

DYSPEPSIA. impaired digcs, ion wclh
>;una H. ANA tun-ti nat on Niti to instantly
relieved by icrthara'e Pills - cents A box
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

T.E largest photograph ii the world
is seventeen feet by fifty inc l,>. il il
IF a relief mao If the United States.
>howin ing TIE petroleum districts.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

FOR BRONCHIAL. A>TUNATiC AND
FL IND\Akl COMPLAINTS "itunn'>
Bronchial Irflcl,>'' has" remarkable. tufa
tive properties. $tti uniI Az i5"r->.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

THE Chinese custom of foot binding
i, said to have originated with Il club
footed celestial princess.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

lVALN in ISIS. had .u.ot. schools. So
100 teachers. and 80. 900 attendance
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
Beware ~ O'ntm nts for CatAlrh that
OH.:sin Mercury.

A. mercury viii surely destroy the sense Of
smell aud con plettIy 'ieIan.; the whole system
when en-. erins i through he mucous surfaces.
Sue ID Ar. icirs shouli never ID" used except
pYescrip IL Us from reputable !h vsicians d, this
damag, they will i, is tcnfoli to tho good you
can possibly derive from them Halls Catarrh
Cure manufactured by +. J. Cherev g. Co. To-
ledO O.. contains no mercury. and il aiken in
ternally, aud acts directly upon The blood and
mucous surfaces o. tho sys en-. IN buyi.lg
Hhll's Cntarrh Cur. be sure you get the genuine.
It il taken internally and made III Toledo, Ohio,
Oy r. j. Oh Eey d Co. Testimonials free.
NS-Sold by Druggists, price &c per bottle.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23
Dougi,nutS in Rhyme.

One cup az >u-,!. one cal, Of milk:
Two egg beaten line silk
Salt and nutffIeg ti"ficn |. GOJ:
OF baking powder, teas oon- Two
Lightly stir the -four ia;
Roll on PIE b ,.iri not TOO tEiu
Cut In diamonds. lwi-ts nr rings:
Drop with care the q! u-nv things
Into fat that brlStIy -t.rI.s
Evenly the .On-y e u
Watch "ith care the me fDr 'ufninc:
FRY then! bro" Us: short q. turning.
Roll in .U-ar: serve when cDOi.
Iricr--H quarter for his rule.
Ladies If III Journal.
The farmers' union. (Memphis, Mo.) 1891-1895, 1893-11-23

ECH>.- All Flt-h:orrsLf sc bv Br. y iine~ g., e It
Nerve s--tp No tit~ sitter first dag use, Mar
vicious Treats and I. 10 tfa 10th" ire" 20
Flt send to D: hi,3lr. *! h.rn - fl!!a IA
The morning call., 1893-06-29
THE DOLLAR LIMIT.

A newspaper advocate of the proposed
Sill tax levy says that the higher levy
would be no more a violation of a dollar
limit pledge than the one that was adopted.
This is not true from the Supervisors
point of view. The Legislature has segre-
gated certain items of expense from the
current expenditure to be provided for out
of the revenue obtained under a dollar
limit levy. Payments on account of the
municipal debt, the completion of the
City Hall and money for the park are I'M
der the law not included in the current ex-
penditures. 1t has been held, also, that
judgments against the city may be provided
for by a special tax levy. Leaving out
these extra matters for which the Legisla-
ture and the courts are responsible, the
levy Of S103 Is compliance with the
pledge taken by the Supervisors. 1t is un-
derstood that several of the Supervisors
kept their pledge because they could not
help it. They knew that Sill tax levy
would not receive the Mayors signature
and that it could not be passed over his
veto. They feared to endanger the levy
and consequently voted for a levy that
the Mayor would sign. The total revenue
of the city under this levy will not fall
much short of S5,O00,000 This is about
SIG for each person in the city, 1t is
enough to give us the most efficient m,l-
nicipal government in America, and vet
the Doodle newspapers and politicians
constantly assure us that we have the
least efficient.
The morning call., 1893-06-29
A BRAVE WOMAN.
No, Common Tramp Could Rob the
Mail While She Had Charge.


Ellen Stewart of Yarrow Valley has been a
stage-drver for three years or more, and her
route is over twenty miles OF very rough aud
lonesome country. she has had adventures, OF
couI sc, since she has been at the work, and
more or less serious accidents from washed-out
roads and snowdrfts, but she has kept right.
on, driving every day in The year but Sundays.
and the business in the route has Increased
considerably since she has had charge of 1t.
She came very near being frozen to death one
night last winter, when she was stalled In
snowdrift and found IL impossible TO dig her
way out, but some farmers rescued her, aud In
few days she was on the DoX again.
Miss Stewart has also had some tronble from
tramps. One night in the spring one of them
attempted 10 hold up the stage. IL was a
bright moonlight hight and Ellen was late. In
a lonely part Of the road where heavy forests
fanked 1t on either side man suddenly stepped
from behind a tree and catching the horses by
tile bits, stopped them.
Throw out that mail-bag!" commanded the
fellow. grutf1y
Miss Stewart always carried a revolver in a
convenient pocket aud in the wink OF cats
eye she had the muZZle OF 1t squarely on The
Jramp's head.
"Get up on that rear horse" was the reply
that the hlghWayman got to his order. The
man didn't move. "Get up there or I'll shoot
you," coolly said The girl. TIE tramp came to
the conclusion that he had better obey orders
and scrambled onto the back OF the horse.
Now, sit still till we get 10 the posroftice or
you'll be sorry" said the girl, who kept the
man under cover OF the revolver. In three
quarters OF an hour Miss Stewart drove up to
The postofice with her prisoner and called for
some one TO come out and take the fellow in
charge There was crowd of husky young
farmers in the office ana IN ten minutes the
would be highwayman was beyond the posi-
bility of escape.
lie was tried for attempting to rob the mail
and Is now within the walls OF The peniten-
tiary. For this piece of work Miss Stewart
received a purse of 500, contributed by the
farmers along the route.
The morning call., 1893-06-29
PRICES AND WAGES.

The Senate committee appointed to in
vestigate the subject of prices and wages
has made report which covers the last
fifty years. The committee finds that In
that period there has been material i'm
provement in the condition of the abor-
ing classes. Wages have advanced and the
cost of living has decreased. This change
is due without doubt 10 the use of labor
saving machinery. A man accomplishes
much more now than he did fifty years
ago and the cost of production is CORE
spondingly less. But a market is main
tanned for the increased production by the
greater ability of the toiling millions to
buy the results of their industry. The
committee has discovered the fallacy of
the free-trade assertion that an import duty
is inevitably added to the price paid by the
consumer. The only articles that are thus
affected are those in which there is no
home competition. The import duty is
added to tea, coffee, spices and few other
articles we do not produce, but on many
articles in the production of which we
compete with foreigners the home cost de-
termines the price. In such cases the
foreigner. to get into our market, must pay
nearly If not the whole amount of the
duty. The committee finds that the cur
The morning call., 1893-06-29
GOSSIP OF THE HOTELS.

Murray Liebenstine, the millionaire mining
man. of Butte City. Mont, arrived on the
steamship Australia yesterday and is guest
at the G ifornia Hotel. MIR. LiebensItne Is one
of the pioneer miners of Montana. and Is the
owner OF many valuable mining properties IN
the vicinity of Butte. About a year ago he was
attacked by lung trouble, and, after battling
with the disease for several months. took the
advice of his physician and went TO Honolulu.
He has been living in Hawaii for the past four
months, and after business trip to Butte Will
return at once TO the islands,
Among the hotel men in the city yesterday
were G. f. Fleming. proprietor of the I'll
Captain Hotel at MERGED, and John T. Sullivan
of the Sea Beach Hotel at Santa Cruz. Mr..
Fleming is registered at the Lick and Mr..
Sullivan at the California Hotel.
Miss Grace L. Wing of Lexington, Mass,
came up from Honolulu on the Australia, and
is registered at the Occidental Hotel. Miss
Wing Is charming American girl who went TO
the islands TO seek her fortune. She is one OF
the instructors az the Oahu College at Punah0u.
She viii visit the Worlds Fair and her old
home In Massachusetts, and will then return
to Hawaii to resume her school duties.
81. C. Maynard ce-president OF the First
National Bank at Conneaut, Ohio, is at the
Grand. Mr.. Maynard thinks the Buckeye
State has been unusually fortunate this year,
there being fewer bank failures In that State
than any other in the Union.
John T. Warehouse Jr.. the banker and
planter, of Honolulu. is at the Occidental. He
is accompanied by Mrs. Waterhouse and other
members of the family. They are. of course,
en- route to the Worlds Fair, and will make an
extended Eastern tour before returning 10
Honolulu.
There are two bright young artists direct
from Munich registered at the California Hotel.
They are Orrn Peck and Carl Mari, and while
in the city they are the guests OF Mrs. Phoebe
Hearst, widow of Senator Hearst.
Charles Nordhoff, the veteran journalist, is at
the California, having arrived from Honolulu,
where he has been representing a New YORK
newspaper. Mr.. Nordhoff was for ten years the
Washington correspondent of the New York
Herald and later became interested in a land
Mr.. Nordhoff Is residing ON CorCnado Beach.
adjoining San Diego.
John Howard Payne Jr. of st. Louis is regis
tered at the California Hotel, Although Mr.
Payne was named after the distinguished
American song writer and composer, he Is in no
way related to the gifted author of Home,
Sweet Home"
Among the arrivals from the Hawaiian
Islands yesterday was Rev. Father LonoIe,
famous French missionary, who has resided in
the Islands for the past thirty nine years. He is
on his way to his old home in France, where he
Will enjoy long vacation.
The morning call., 1893-06-29
LAST OF A STRANGE BAND.
A Elaine Woman in Jaffa Awaiting the
Second Coming of Christ.
Cleveland World

An interesting story came TO the surface at
Friday evenings nlidweek MEETING at the old
stone church. Hon. George II. Ely related
an incident OF woman's faith that came under
his notice during recent trip through the
Holy Land. In company with four or five
tourists MIR. Ely was seated on piazza of a
hotel in Jaffa, when his attention was at
tracted TO half dozen boys playing In the
street below All but one of the boys
had swarthy compile xIons characteristic of the
country, and the one exception was light COM
pexiOned with perfect Caucasian features.
That boy" said one of The gentlemen,
CLOCKS 10 me as though he belonged TO the
streets Of New York instead of Jatfa." Their
interest in the little fellow was aroused to such
an extent that they went down to inquire, and
10 their surprise he smoke little English. He
said he lived with his mother IA short distan ce
up the street, and the party, including Mr. Ely,
walked up street and entered the woman's
house, which proved 10 be novel OF the worst
kind. They addressed her in English, and she
was beside herself with joy TO hear her native
tongue spoken, and to their astonishment she
told them that her home was in Maine.
"Maine, my good woman, what in the world
are you doing here?" asked one of the party.
The woman then explained that mauy years
since a number OF men and women in the
Maine village she came from were carried
away with the idea thai the second coming OF
Christ was near at hand, and that when he
does come he Will first appear at Palestine. a
colony scraped up all their savings of years.
and with their families emigrated TO JAffa to
be on hand when Jesus appears.
do they all live here?" was asked.
They did," she replied, but some of them
discouraged and tired Of waiting, went back to
America. the rest died, and am here all alone
with my boy"
"Aud how do you support YOURSELF"
''By washing for strangers, and have a hard
time doing il. Some weeks all L can do is to
keep from starvation"
One OF the men told the woman that Jaffa
was no place for her and advised her to go
back TO America with her boy, give him a
good American education, and bring him UP as
an American citizen. but the woman simply
smiled at the suggestion.
Returning TO the hotel the gentlemen. all of
whom were well-to-do, figured out the cost of
sending the woman and her boy back to her
native village in Maine made up a purse and
threw in enough for incidental expenses and
spending money. This done, they offered her
the money. and good round sum 1t was, but
she absolutely refused 10 touch penny of il.
This is quite temptation she said. "Dut
came here TO await the cond coming of
Christ and l intend TO remain here until he
comes. unless die first"
That was her ultimatum, and no amount of
argument could dssuade her from her course.
The morning call., 1893-06-29

thing he repeats his budget of news. word for
word-mostly concerning home events and
news of Hungary. AT 10 O'Clock he issues
another oral edition, this time OF foreign news
AT IL o'clock he LET'S us know that the nun
garian Parliament is In session, anu HAY Lay
word may also come OF a riot, and
by noon the alarmed subscriber may
hear that the populace have at acKeq Tue
notice and been fired upon; this, we VIII say,
G uses STOCKS TO fall per cent. immediately
the wise subscriber rushes TO his own telephohe
and gives his broker an order to buy. AT
O'clock the central editor rings furlously anu
reports a violent debate In Parliament, wnlcn
leads to a change of he Ministry. AT O'CLOCK
there Is a fire in building OF when the SUI
scriber is a part owner-ano so IL goes Oh.
"All this news" says my author, us relateu
in a sOnorOus voice, easily unde stood-and as
there Is only one wire the SUBSCRIBER IS not
veXed with the bubbub Of twenty voices tryiue
to use the same wire at once. stu. u IS HUE
fatgung 10 get your news IN such SLICES
So Il continue TO auOte) at q O'Clock ne can
take rest Chat is the subscriber CAM anu
madame his wife comes forward to hear me
report OF a lecture at the Academy; per
haps the repetition, with all due emphasls,
of a new poem At O'Clock the young
ladies listen to a concert through The Telephone
Gazette, they can distinguish wonderfully wei
the touching pathos of the violoncello, the
pearly staccatOs of the violin, the sweet meio.
dies of the flute, and the enchanting voice Oh
the prlma donna" What could De more de-
nghlful and convenient?
All this. l am assured, is daily going on IN
Buda- Pesth. Nay more: "By the aid OF single
wire OF the state telegraph line our central sta-
ton has been connected simultaneously with
the telephone stations of Vienna, GratZ, BruDn
and Trieste; and in all those cities the voice OF
the GaZette's editor has been heard-cleaI.
sonorous and with every shade OF intonatlon.
The morning call., 1893-06-29
AN EASTERN VIEW.

The Chicago Herald notes the fact that
good deal of Chicago money has sought
investment in Los Angeles, and it speaks
with confidence of the stability of affairs
there and the soundness of its banking
system. in spite of the recent precipitate
and unreasoning financial furry. The en-
coElums 1t passes on the Angel City
might with appropriateness be applied to
other portions of the State. where we have
little to apprehend from the disturhan ces
sapping enterprise in the East. Our con-
temporary observes:
Los Angeles was never growing so rapidly as
it Is now, and the general business OF the city
was never so good. Bank clearlngs, reported
from week 10 week. have been 81 per cent
greater the past six months than ever before,
and on deposit 10 the banks OF Southern Cali
lorna has been in that time one-third more
money per head OF the population than in any
other section of the country. Hence IL must be
concluded that the present banking troubles OF
Los Angeles were caused by the panlcky wave
that only touched Chicago and passed west
ward.