davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald., 1893-02-12
SOME OF poarrR,s STORIES.
showing How Witty tho General Can

showing How Witty tho General Can De
on Occasion.
Everybody is interested in a good story
teller. We present herewith few samples
of General Horace Porter's ready wit. 1t
must be remembered that it Is not more
the subject matter Of General Porter's sto-
ries than his inimitable way of telling
them that provokes from his hearers the
roars of laughter that ere chronicled be-
tween brackets in newspaper reports Of his
speeches. And it is not only his way, in
the sense of personality, which cannot be
put in print, but in the quaint turns of
speech which make his stories when printed
read with a smack of Artemus Ward or of
John Phoenix
Here are the stories:
- 81 once tried to travel
:StOrioS through Germany on my
/: Pennsylvania dialect.
Humber: When Germans didn't uIl-
:. -: derstand word we said it
IL ana 70: was not only no fault Of
ours, but painful misfor-
tune that they had not been brought up in
the state of Pennsylvania. When was in
Germany they addressed me in various
ways They would spin out sentence in
that elastic language, attenuated to the
bulllutSS VI a. tODNcD, anu IL uid --Ou SuOW
signs of comprehension they would tele-
scope the whole sentence into one confused
word and try me with that. l went on for
two days and did not understand word.
began to feel lonesome and the more people
came up to me the more lonesome L felt. 1t
reminded me of my early days, when 1 and
a few other cadets at West Point obtained
a furlough and came into New York to have
a good time.
"One of the party during dinner drank
too much. He got through the renonstra-
tive STAGE the philosophic stage, and at
length worked up everything in the form
Of an equation, giving us his deliberate
conclusion to accompany us to the panto-
mime at Niblos. We told him TO brace
up and pull himself together; that he could
go and see what it was like and then come
away. He linked his arms In ours, and we
got down TO the theater. The pantomime
went on, and he watched with intense In
terest the violent gesticulations of the
actors, not word being spoken. He leaned
over his seat, put his hand to his ear, and
when the curtain went down he remarked:
L say, am drunker than thought was
I haven't understood q word that has been
said in the whole play
THAT Is just the way 1t wEs with me in
Germany. Finally it became absolutely
necessary for me to know whether certain
train went through to Berlin. / rehearscd
my grammar, and gathering together Ger
tain fragments Of that disjointed language
/ called the conductor and hurled at his
head the following verbal projectile. l
knew if it struck homo should be apt to
hear from him: 'Geht dieser Zug mach Ber-
lin ohne Wechsel?' He turned upon me
look l shall never forget. 'Mein Gott in
Himmel,' he said, what tam fine kind of
German is that which you here speaki'"
General Porter is fond of drawing on his
own "reminiscences for humorous anecdotes.
Here is one, with the application thereof:
.. when l look around
The herald., 1893-02-12

say, I get 'em every time The captain
of the company approached him and said,
White, fall in with the rest White re-
piled, All right, go on with your shooting,
but as for me l am going to have private
massacre to myself"
General Porter's story of the Irishman
and the grog has been told by many other
people, but it is the generals own story,
and this is the original version of It:
The herald., 1893-02-12

ammunition on their shoulders and ford a
river The river had swamps six miles on
each side, and this hummer while crossing
turned around to his comrade and said,
Bill, I'm blowed if don't believe we have
struck this ERE river lengthways.' When I
look around upon the length and breadth
of the superb hospitalities you have spread
out before US tonight I think with each in
vited guest here that we have struck this
hospitality lengthwise.
Here is another war story told at dinner
to General Grant:
The herald., 1893-02-12

AN Irishman worked all
day for the agent Of an alb
sentee landlord on the
promise of getting a glass
of grog. At night the
agent brought out the grog
- L,,,, o,,.l A. T.,.~r.. :.
The herald., 1893-02-12

THAT learned Chinese
statesman, Chin Ian Pin,
was here at the time Denis
Kearney was having an un-
pleasantness with the ORR
entails. Kearney said to
him. sVo1,r paonIa will
The herald., 1893-02-12

II know that our guest
General Grant, will not
forget the soldier in the
Wilderness who strayed of
to the right of his company
and persisted in firing away
with an mir that saerne1 to
The herald., 1893-02-12

1lI ulIr HPPIKCHulOu tIIeIeUl'
when l look around
upon these groaning boards
! think of one of Shernan's
bumrners down in South
Carolina during the war.
The regiment was ordered
~
The herald., 1893-02-12

-Dsily. tDaily except sunday. tsundays only.
u. W. McGER, City Pas. and I. Ag't.
129 N. Spring ST., Los Angeles
ED. CHAMBERS. Ticket Agent,
First-street Depot.
Depot at foot of First street. f23
The herald., 1893-02-12

81 once tried to travel
through Germany on my
Pennsylvania dialect.
When Germans didn't I'M
derstand a word we said it
was not only no fault of
ours. but q painful nisfor-
The herald., 1893-02-12

For ISIS. Kureka, February z, 10,
San Francisco 25, March q.
and o. s. Coos Bay, February ~
way ports ...... IL, 20, March i,
The state herald., 1893-06-23
8;ssATIY'S ORGAas-,asS",d e wsss 3. S.
;atng FIRE. Address DANIEL i. AEArTY
washington, N j,


Where's, Jno W Showers, Of the county Of Lo-
deed of trust, dated Oct 10. 1855 and recorded
Logan now Phillips county, convey to Geo "
Toms, trustee the following described real estate
situated 10 the county of Logan now Phillips:
sec 81 in tip 0nr n W OF the 0, y. M, containing
100 acres moro or loss, to secure the payment u
hs p,nps nSts Of .gfes y ten
able to the order Of Chas A Stillman and due on
the LIST days of Apr and Oct respectively nftor the
said coupon notes at the rate Of ii Der cent. per
nnnun after maturity,
Where's, II l. provided in and BY seid deed Of
pal noto or nny Of said coupon notes or any part
thereof at tho time tho same shall become due
and peyHblc, then all Of said notes with interest
holder thereof shall at once become due ind
payable, and on request said trustee shall adver-
tise and sell the said premises, and
Whereas, default has been mado In tho pay
ncnt Of coupon note. due Apr |, 30 Oct !. 90
and such default still continues all OF said notes
have been declared due and payable by the legal
whereas, IT is provided in and by said deed Of
trust that tho legal holder Of sad notes may nou-
tho ,s' trustees named, Geo VI Toms should decline
to act; and Geo " Ioms having deceased, and
tho undersigned having been duly appointed
trustee, in ncc6rdanco with tho terms OF eaid
trust deed, to which reference is hereby made.
Now, Therefore, at the request Of the legal hol-
on Monday the %, day o. June 1893 between the
hours Of 70 M mud o clock p IN Of that day, at
the fremont street door Of the court house, in
q s Hx It basr as s ss
all the above described premises, and all rights
aud equities, Including homestead fol, the pur-
thereon, together with all expsnses-of this pro-
cecding, as by tho terms Of said decd OF trust
am fully authorized and empowered TODD.
HENRY ALDMeH, Trustee.
Dated Denver, Colorado. May IS. 1893
Date Of First publication May 10, 1893.
The state herald., 1893-06-23

Whereas. John Knysnsrh, 81 the county ~
losnn nov phliiip. state II Col.,fhdn, lid h5 his
decd q ,!u.,, daiei June s,a. ~ ani reeotisI
u i.osan now phiil.p. ccuny. conte3 To .i.o, W
1oms. ttpstse tho foilo~inH described real r.iai-
sIiuais.l IN tho county 81 lnErn nos Phillip.
~; " 81 tho OH y ~. Containing 70 acre. Nor.
or Ices, 20 Hacpro tho payment ~ his principal
note II sito together with ten coupon noise of
order n WIN. y, i@onsr,i and due on IL. ir.i
days of Jun. and dec respectively after tho date
II tho naij principal note with Interest IN the
said coupon note. a, THO rate 81 fifteen per cent
wharss, |, i. rfp,lisd In andb, said tc.i ~
trusi that In default Q! payment ~ ssid rrinci.
nai no,n Or m. OF saia coupon no,,s ~ nny par
anil payable. then nli III aid notes with interest
NJ % The dat. ~ san nj tho ELECTION NJ tho lean
holJe, thereof shall nj opce leeome ,lue nnil
payable, md on request sniti trustee shall hdt.f
ii.s nnd --il tho SAIL pfr,nis.s, aud
whefrn., default has hoen made In tho iaf-
neni ~ coupon nola. due june :, ioi Der 7, W,
Jun. !, VI dee, VI, June w. Der I. W. and
.nrh rfnnii sili cont iDnna all ~ said notes have
be.p declared dne and pa,ahls b, lheisaai hold
sf,hateoi, =. ,.-,,.,,,,
trust tia, Tho lral hnl,lnr oi said noln MAY nom
ina'r anil appoint r,irr.ssnrin trust IL rnsn the
trustee pninrd uen. W. fops should decline To-
aeiI nndprn W. Toms hayins deceased anil the
undersigned hs,lpa becn duly appointed tr,a,s,,.
In necniiahrr with tho isfns II snii trust deed.
u. which reference II hercl, inade.
Now therefore, NJ The request " tho legal hold
rr ~ said notes. will ne TRUSTEE as Aforesaid, On
non,ln, the 18th ia, ~ Jnns Ispi bstsn.n, the
hvpIs 81 " m n.d so'clock \ n, n that dat %
The fremont street donf ~ The tour House, ~
ibrrliY ~ Denver. county ~ Afaimhpe, And siai.
II Colorado, sell 10 tho highest bidder. Tor rash,
all Tie above described premises, md all firht-
aud equities. Including homestead fof The piii par
NJ payins fl.p said notes. and oil. interest ihFiron
,osr,hrr With all expenses n tliis rrocerdns. u.
hr ~" i,tiuH ~ said deed ~ 'iutt | nni fnllt
authorized hnd ,igpnsrrrl 10 do
The state herald., 1893-06-23

Whereas David Il, oiiphant, Of the county of
Phillips formerly Logan s,atc OF Colorado, did
corded Nov. 3ri, isss in book % page soi OF the
rpcorisof Phillips formerly Logan county, con.
ycy to Henry J. Aldiich. Trustee, the following
described real estate, situated in the county OF
Phillips formerly Logan, state oil colorado. TO
Wit: The r-e = Of sec 10 In tp9 n and 10 ~ " Of
this 9Th y, IN. Containing ltJ acres morn or less
io secure tho payment OF his ins,nillnent note OF
each dated Nov. Ind. isss and payable to the
order OF Iha Colorado Securities Co., and due On
the FIRST days Of April and Oct. respectively after
the date o. the said inst alment note with inter
ct on ihs said instalimcnts vi III. rate Of two
por cen; per month after maturity.
Whereas. II ID provided 10 and by said deed
81 trust that In default Of payment OF SID In
siAilmcnt note or any Of said iustailments ar
any part thereof Al ilis time Tho samr shah to-
come dne and payable. then all Of SAID note
with interest mp 10 the date al sale ~ tho rlrc-
ton Of ihs legal holder thereof shall at oncc be
come due amt pay able, and on request said
trustee shall advcris, and sell the said PREMISE
and
Whereas. default, has been made In the pay.
mcnt OF installs,rnts due Oct !, ~. Apr "
Arr nj asi such default stil continues ali Of
sat note has been declared due and ptyAbla by
the LEGAL holder thereof
Now. Therefore. ut the request Of the legal
holder Of said note, 4 viii. ~ trnsicc rs AIR.
said. on Monday Tie frd day q July lspa b
Nv sen The honr, Il " IA ands O'Clock pm Of III
day. NJ the fremont stsct deor OF Tho l1urt
House. In th- city Of Denver, County of Arapa-
hoe, state u Colorado. ,ell 10 the highest bid.
der, Tor cath, all the above described premises,
aud righis nnf equities, including home
.iead for The purpose al paying The said note
and all iatrr-st thereon. together will all ex.
Irnse- 81 IN srrorccdinI. ~ by tbs terms Of
ssii iced . trus; am fully authorized and
empowered 10 do
Dated Beaver, Colorado. May iaih, lspi.
Date NJ lrst publication May 18Th. iss1
The state herald., 1893-06-23

WHEREAS Mary Knvanngh OF tho county Of
W Phillip formerly Logan state of Colorado,
Sa BY hrs dss 2, ',a, ID aisa s -
tho records Of pelllips formerly Logan county,
eunre, 10 6so. W. Toms. trustee, tho following
deserbed real r.taie. situated In the county oil
Phillips formerly Logan, state OF Colorado, to-
Wit; Tho ne I. section % Ia ~ six n and In q
Of tho otL pm, Containing 100 acres norr or
les, In secure tbs payment III her ten coupon
abir 10 lie order Of Vim. i. iconarl. and due on
tho 1raf ,iEya Of March 4 SEPT respectively after
The date u the said principal not. with Interest
on the said coupon notes at tho raieof " per cent
whs@as. Il i. prosltla In and by said dc.d Of
traft hat IN default Of payment OF
terof At the tIno Ia. same shall bcromr ,in1 and
raJah.e then all ot .aid note. with Interest ap
70 date 81 ..c at the election of tho legal holder
thereof shail nj oara become due and payable
and on request ssil trustee shall ao"riifc nnd
sell the rail premises. and
wh-f~,s, default ha. bc-n made In tho paymrn,
:. e sss s Mex VIZ sspt s Mch d, vs. ssp
I " Meh I W AMI .nch default still CONTINUES
all Of said notr- have been declared due and iay.
able b. The l.;ai soidsr ,h ;u .ni m aid, ,.
trust that the legal hoiicr Of said notes ma,
nominate and appoint successor In trust, In
e,.s The trustee rslaei gcc. ": Ton.. shoaid d-
this lifr and the understand having lcrn duly sp
poin,rd tsnssc~, In accordance with the terms of
aid trust isrd, 10 which rrtcr~nce l. hereby made
Nov. Therefore. q tho request al the legal
S Sss q H. s l.. VIZ y :. js, ,s I, 'i.s
tho hours II " M. and o'cioek D. m. Of that day
q u,c Tr.moot street door o. thu court hon-e. In
the city 81 I~nysr. county ~ Ar.pahos. and state
of calofd" srii ia. the highest bidder. f.'r rssh.
all tho above described PREMISES, and all rights
and equities, including Homestead for the pur.
pos~ Of paying tho aid notes. and all interest
ihcr-on. iogrtbsr with all expenses ~ il,in pro.
ceedipr, ~ by tho irfina ~ said deed of irult ]
ain full, authorized and empowered 10 10.
ilkSnf J, ALpnien. Trustee.
Dated Denver, Colorado. Ma, i,tb. iht
Daio u First Publication Ma, 10Th. isgs.
The state herald., 1893-06-23

Whcrcps A,icnasl ksyanagh of Tho county 81
Logan now Phillins, state q Colorado did b, his
deed Of tr1lst, dated aug i.h, 1883 and recorded
Aug 9th 1888 in book % page lsa Of tho records
q Logan now Phillips county, convey to Goo. w.
Toms, trustec, the following described rial estate
.tsis e hs SSqa ay e. kosia NO. PHILIPS
in rye 47,w Of 9th m, Containing 100 scres
more or loss, to secure the payment OF his prln-
n sssh aes Sss % VII and pSssbs s
the ordor Of VIM. +. Leonard and duo on tho 1lst
dayS Of feby.. and August respectively, aftsr ths
late 81 the said principal noto xtl interest on
cent per nnnum after maturity.
Whereas, 1t IL provided in and By eaid decd al
trust that in default Of payment Of said principal
note or my OF eaid coupon notcs or any part
thereof ut tho time tho sumo shall become due
and payable, then all of ssid notes with interest
up 70 The da;c 81 s;Ie a. the election p Tie lsss
able, and on request said trustee shall advertise
and sell the said promises, and
Whereas. default hos been madcin tho payne.t
81, Aug 1, vi, Feb 'sa, Aug I. W, Fob !, "a,
md such defsult still continues all Of said notes
have been declared duo and payable by thslssal
holder thereof.
Whereas. It's provided in and by said decd
ce:fnst that tho legal holder OF said nots msy
nominate and appoint u snccossor In trust. In
cline to act; and Geo. W, Toms, having deceased,
and the undersigned having been duly appointed
trustee. in accordance with tho terms Of said
Now. Therefore, ut the request Of tho legal hold
or of said notes. will us trustecas Aforesaid, on
Monday tho 25th day Of Juno 1898 between the
hours Of |? II, and q o'clock IN OF that day, et
the. city of Denver, county Arapahoe
and state of Colorado, sell to H.
highest bidder for cash. all tho above described
PROMISES, and nll rights and equities, including
Homestead for tho purpose OF paying ths aid
notes and all intAreat thereon, gethcr with Al
expenses Of this proceeding, ~ by tho terrps 81
faid deed Of trust am folly authorised and -
powered to do. a,
HENRY ]. ALpRIcu. TrnstSS,
Dated Denver. Colorado. n j 18th, loss.- Y. 4
First insertion, My 10Th, 1879.
The state herald., 1893-06-23


Wb"frss Ped iicnn,il pi tho county II PHI,
li~ forin-riJ ioran strtB Of tolnf,do, did b, III.
Iced ~ tfnst dated June ith itsN and recorded
ian. w is's In book ~ paIe " NJ tho records II
lllIlip. formerly isoinn .nin,y convoy 10 lien
" ! Ndrirl trustee the following ,ltsefibsi real
at ito situated w III. county III philips fufmrr.
y lnrnn state u Color ,,ln, tnslii ,hrs'w 4, sec
y " ~ u anil In ' 10 " 81 tho OH y NJ run,uin
ing ioi h-ns mof- or Ices % Ferufa iha pa,in.ni
~ his principal note ~ s.fa tn.,thar With i,n
euufsn note. of n zach ,lsiei june nh ls-s and
la,hblo "a the pri.f ~ the Colorado srcu,tiir.
60 ana dur an tie hfr, dhss ~ May aud Nosun.
bct respectively after the date ~ tIa said p,in-
rirpl nuin With interest IN tho ,AiJ ruupou
hp,r. r. tho rate VI Y pof cent prf month p'i~f
maturity,
whrf.ns, I, II provided In aud b, , Aid d..., az
tri-t that 10 default 81 10, meat 81 saii prnrl.
lnl note or an, at said rnuron notes ~ any mart
th.rof NJ u. time the sam" shnll l,eotir dine
and payable, then III " said nu,ea With inipirs,
~ v, THO dni. 81 sal. NJ tho blrriop III the lf
holdcf thereof shall NJ once bceninr ,nn npd Ray.
hhl., and on reun.s, aniI trustee shall ad,e,iiao
AMI snll the saii pf,misa-, and
Nhrrhs, icianli has ban made In tho ihJ
iAl note dpr Mar hf.t isA mn,
such default siill continue nj ~ saii n,,lrs have
s"n clsfei due hhd payable b. tlie lriiai hold
hgs, 1herf,rr. At lLa request ~ tho leeni
hniltt IT HHiI Notes, will a. ttuatus "a hftf, .
shil, 80 Monday, The 9iih Do, NJ july, iain H..
~ lhs he,ittgi " ~ and u'clucl y ~ Ut
,tht hh3i ~ TIE fremont ftfc"i dnnf 81 uir Count
lIu'isp, 10 tho rity oi Denver. sslnn,S III Anna.
ll.,, nhtl stat" ~ ,ulnfnIu. cell "a tho highest
hhlrt, fnr eh.li. all The nbpsn described pttlnis.
~, nn'i hli iiillir nni o1uiiI'-, including home.
ny Interest thereon. together uiih all .z,enses
~ lhls ntncrvlrr. ha bt tho i.rits nf aalI deed
~ 'fist MN fullb anih1firrl nn1 empowered 10
lIrsht j. Aipniuii. Trustee.
l,niNl DrnFor. tnlnfajo, jnns I, ilui,
baloi ~ hiid publication June 49, isJ,
The state herald., 1893-06-23

fhis remedy is becoming 80 well
known and so popular as to need no sps,
cial mention. All who have usc,l Electric
Bittcss sing the same song of praise.-A
pntur medicine does not oxist and il i.
guaranteed 20 do all that IL claimed
Electric Biitors will cure all diseases ri
tho liver aud kidneys, will remove PIN
Piles, boils, salt rheum aud other aiIoc.
'iona cans.i Ivy Impure blooi.-Will
orive nalena from the svstem and pre-
Tcui as well as cure all malarial fevers
For cure OF headache, constipation
md indigestion try Electric Bitters.-
Entire satisfaction guaranteed, or money
rctundod.-Pricc 50cts. aid sl.O0 per
bottle at The City Drng Store.
The state herald., 1893-06-23

Cirs.ilnd's "obj ct lrssIn," tho pres
cnt etripgency In money mattcsp. may
hot result as lie and his gold bng sup
Ior'eis OF The cast anticipated. II was
hoped 10y them that /, would so lri;h,en
The people that the pexi ccperess wonld
bc forced to repeal the Sherman silver
law which il now claimed 10y the gold
bugs To bo the soie cause Of the present
disturbance in money matters. This rs.
planniion of the cause of the financial
difficulties under hieh the busine,s O,
The country is laboring may no, be ques,
toned by tho money schemes Of the
'nst who intend TO accomplish their ain.
tho repeal Of the Sherman law, either by
lair means or foul, but every day is now
calling forth from men who are by no
means friendly 10 the free coinage of
silver, opinions TO the effect that tho op.
'rations OF tho Sherman law has no,
eanscd the financial trouble. The si.vcr
cause has nothing TO fear from the pres
'nt agitation Of this question for it is
gaining friends every day aud. IL Cl,ye-
land continues his "cbject lesson" till
September, neither tins nor Lis careful
distIibuiiun u patronage wall be nLle 10
10 overcome the increased frirndliness Ia
oliver rs 20 bring about the iepeal Of
the Sherman Law without giving the
.s.nt.tgk Tea. .s.a..u. aII.H..
The state herald., 1893-06-23


Whereas Olive, Callahan. II the roonY Of
hisdrsd ~ trust. dated Nov. ~ ite~ and trof,ls
dee tst iss- In book ~ pasa 81 ~ tho r~carls ~
Logan now Phillips county, CONVEX Ia llspy \,
Aldsirh trustee. tho following d~ecrilssl rial
feiAie. siinn'..i IN the county " Logan nov Phil.
~ 10 In ~ u and In u " u the oh pm. Ton.
talninR 10 scrs morn or l,-s, To sscufp tho pn,-
meat ~ his principal no,e 81 ti11 together vii,
ten coupon notae at SO. each dated Nov pth isS
and pay able 20 the order Of Tho Colorado Neruf.
lties Co., and siir on ihr Iifri dala. ~ May and
Nov. respectively after thu date ~ tho said prn.
rlpul motto with inisf.~, IN tho aai coupon ioi..
~ The rata vf two pof cent prr month after nm.
Whereas, II IL provided In aud b, snid deed u
trust that In dnfant ~ payment ~ Had principal
note or any 81 eaid coupon notes ~ nm, part
thereof NJ The limo Tho sains shall become due
~ % 'he dar ~ -air nj tbs election al The legal
holder thereof .hali NJ ppcn ieeoni. dna hnd pay
abs, hih IN request eald trustee shnli advertise
n Il roll ihr said pfsmisea, anti
whcras. default ha. been made H. tho pay.
,pens q .s.uson notes q, Ioe sos., ". May 10,
4. W, Ma; !. vi, and tuch default ~ cent inuca
ali Of shiI Notes have b.en DECLARED due aud pn,
Able by nlpsai holder thereof,
Nov. Therefore, NJ lie Request ~ the legal hold.
II OF .nid noir-. WILL M trustee nH aforesaid. On
Monday tho 10Th ,in,, n !unr iep1 between the
The fremont street door ~ Die Cont iloasp, III
tho ritY of Denver. county nfAtatphpr and s'iir
~ Colorado. sell ~ tho hscHi bidder. Tor cash,
all lie hls',u described ftpnitss. aud all RIGHTS
and equities. Including homestead Tor The riif.
tus' ~ paying tie sniil uolst. aud all interest
thereon. together with all .eslenssa ~ this nm.
cae'llnI, ns " lie terms ~ snld deed 81 trut,
IIfti flfiis rffif.rf ssttf ia ftn
The state herald., 1893-06-23

j. r. Wilson, 81 Clay ST., Sharps-
burg, Pa, suys no will not be without
DR.. hing's New Discovery ior consump,
.op, coughs and colds, that it cured his
wife who WINS threatened with pneumo
pia after an attack OF "L.a Grippe" when
various ether remedies and several
pbysiclans liad done her no good.
Robert Barber, Of Cooksport, Pa, claim,
DR.. Kings Now Discovery has done him
more good than anything no evor used
for lang trouble. Nothing like it. Try
it. Free trial bottles Mt Tho City Drug
Store. Large bottles, SOC. and 500.