The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-10-12
UNCLE SETH AS A CONSIDER.
A Cutting "Reminiscences from the Saw
Mills.

A Cutting "Reminiscences from the Saw
Wal, so we he'd yer )aig sawed off in q
sawmill, did yer? Sawed right off t,vo
inches above the knee? Wal, it's tie
best thing yer could do. Hold yer
horses! Hold up! Don't say a word:
l came down here purpose to console
We an now don't go to gittin' riled. I
tell We man ought to be happy who is
lucky enough to get his laig sawed off.
Hold on, now, don't yer see I'm con-
solin ye! Wen a feller's trying to
say sweet words of comfort an peace
to We it's plague-on provokin' to hev
We go an r'ar up about it. | tell We,
Ab'rum, it's the biggest thing we ever
did Wen yer went an he'd that ar laig
off. It's money in yer pocket, an it
would ha' been more money in yer
pocket to he'd yer other laig sawed off
too-on'y in that case yer wouldn' had
no pocket to put yer money into. He. he!
o, SO you can't see any use in any
/ sich tomfool, fol-de-rol nonsense, | tell
we it's jest as true as scripter mixed
with the census report that every ex-
periunce a man has is worth dollar
to him. Any miser'ble everyday ex-
periunce is worth dollar to him if he
is the right kim er man. Ye know
young Bob Perkins, who couldn't earn
his salt fore he lost his right laig.
Then he went circussing roun' to all
the shows in the country as the one
Jagged bicycler an made seventeen
hundred dollars in one summer. Wen
he fell off'n his bicycle an lost his
other laig he went roun' with a me-
nagerie an circus wallSin' on his
hands, an he made ten thousand dol
lars in one trip If you want To l<etch
fortune you can ketch IL quicker on
one laig than yer can on two, an We
can ketch it wall<in' on yer hands in
no time. You know oil Cy Perkins,
who wuz born up here at tho
Bean place? A reg'lar lummix. Wal,
he went to the war an lost his
laig Guess he lost it runnin' away,
coz he wuZ so seat he allus run away
from an angle-worm coz he wuz feered
it wuz a snaik. Wal, he wuz so sea t
that Wen some of the Union boys shot
some tame turkeys he heerd the firm
an thought the rebs We're comm an
started to run SO fast that one laig
tumbled over the other, an he got all
mixed up with hisself an broke it.
Wal, sir, he came home an we all
kinder pitied him-he was such gawk
an we made him silliclxman, an mex
year we pitied him some more, coz he
wuZ gawkier than ever, an sent him to
the legislator, an I'll be dinged if the
deestrict didn't take him up an run
him for congress on his soldier record.
WAL sir, he run a good deal better
than the other man, COZ the other man
didn't hev either wooden laig or a
wooden head, an Cy was well supplied
with both. If the other Teller he'd he'd
five laigs an bicycle, he couldn' ha'
run for congress az quick as Of Cy with
his wooden laig, an his head of the
same material. q"
tell We, Ab'rum, as l said afore, eve
nv experience is with dollar to a
man, if he knows how to use it. OF
course losin' yer laig is with thousan's $.
Bpt every little miser' BILE experience is
with dollar, if you've only got gump-
ton enough to carry it to the right
market an sell it. Ye might give a
hungry man bushel of taters an he
would starve to death, if he didn' t
know nough to cook 'em. An expert
unce amt with nothin' if We don t
know how to use it. Neither is Il ten
dollar bill.
| tell we every experience is with a
dollar to we an every man ought to
have three experiences day-like
gettm' cinder in his eye, losin' his
pocketbook, or fallin' off haymow-
he oughter git three day, an that 8
three dollars, an that's IA thousan' dol
lars a year; an SO every mar who 8
sixty years OF ought to be with sixty
thousan' dollars.
How OF am |? Wal, I'm sixty my
self. How much am | worth? Oh-er-er
mighty pleasant weather we're hav-
in now, amt it? Good grass weather,
good weather for garding sass, good
weather for critters, good CROWN
weather. good wealth How much am
wuth? Wal, I've got thirteen dollars
an some odd cents in the bank, but
then hain't never had no time to go
foolin' round to find market for my
experiences. But can't hang roun'
here no longer. Bill Smith is givin'
me sixty cents day to take care of
his stock, an | must hurry home to
afa, tho en.yS L 'hicaoo In nnaap