The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1893-08-16
Tortured by a Button.

The commercial traveller sat en- desha-
billie on the edge of a chair in his room the
other morning. He was hot and nervous
and irritable. Great beads of perspiration
stood upon his forehead. and he swore
strange oaths.
He was sewing buttons on pair of trou-
sers
~ have put off this internal job from day
10 day for two months" he explained. 1.-The
first button came off down in Louisville,
and doubled the suspender straps on one
button. A week later the other side was
served in the same way, and again dou-
bled up.
II didn't wear the darned things again
until in Cincinnati week ago, when l took
a girl to the theater l was fixed up to kill
that night and thought was going to have
q huge time We arrived late and the
house was filled with fashionably dressed
people. | had just handed our seat cou-
pons to an usher and started loftily down
the aisle, knowing several score of eyes
were sizing up my shape, when with rip
and Il snort one of those doubled up but
tons tore from its fastening and fell on the
arm of a chair in which sat a young lady of
my acquaintance. blushed deep maroon,
murmured an apology and kept on my way.
| tried my best to keep cool and look I'M
concerned, but when the devilish hello
trope things, no longer kept in suspense,
so to speak, began to SLOUGH downward and
to drag upon the floor l partially broke
down and nearly fell over myself in my
effort to get into the seat.
Did | enjoy the play? Does Hindoo
enjoy himself when he commits hara- kiri?
Does Il baby enjoy itself cutting teetht Does
a man JOY wrestle with a buzzsaw? |
did the Deadeye act to my waistband half
dozen times, but it seemed only to aggra
vate the trouble. was hot, fldgety and
ugly, and several questions put by my side
partner were, fear, treated with uncom-
mon incivility. | know this, that she re-
lapsed into complete silence and hasn't re-
lapsed out of it since.
mo, can't say that enjoyed that play.
1t was two hours and half of torture, and
when it was over said little prayer of
thanksgiving all to myself"
He crouched down, his back in half cir
Gle, on the chair, and in the uncertain light
he fingered the end of the thread and at
tempted to string it through the eye of the
needle. Several attempts were made, but
unsuccessfully
Here" he entreated of his visitor, ''see
what you can do with this"
So saying, he threw himself upon the bed,
and fiat on his back, with arms stretched
he made havoc of the English language for
several minutes.
what it is to have friendr' he rumi-
mated You havecome here in the nick OF
time. You are going to sew on that but
ton and save an hour of hard work and
worry. You are one of the best fellows
| P-
But his friend, man who could see the
humor of the situation without the aid of 8
microscope, had slipped from the room
without even threading the needle and had
gone below to invite up a few brave com
panions to view through the crack of the
door the comical scene within.
They came-five of 'em-and crouchinl
| low saw their unfortunate friend spend Il
solid minutes in the effort to equip tn,
needle then run it up half an inch into hi
thumb then throw trousers, buttons, threat
and needle out of the window and searcl
for n new pair.
"Ha, hal Tally one on Sam"
And Sam, who heard "A scurrying of fee
down the hall slammed the door and locke
it.