St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-12-17
ANTAGoNIsTIc SMALL BOY,

poiVlo WHICH we pause With fear and
trembling when we think of their dread
ful power of destruction. Prominent
amongst these things to be feared are
electricity, dynamite and small boys. l
consider the latter most dangerous. The
small boy of the present generation is a
iearful thing to the public at large; per-
maps his mother is the only person who
can live calmly and fearlessiy in his
presence. All other unfortunates who
are brought in contact with him must
keep a close watch for tacks or
moiasses candy on the chairs, strings
stretched in the dark corridors.
Ice down their backs, and other
equally entertaining ~pleasantries. Even
one small boy can completely demoral-
ize a large family of sedate adults, so
Whenever see small boys gathering im
groups, the chills chase each other up
and down my vertebrate, and 1 immedi-
ately look to the safety of my-front gate
and window panes; carefully remove
my clothes lines or anything else that
is portable, then lock myself in and
await until they have dispersed. If /
am left whole and my property intact
L congratulate myself, but Immediately
sigh, for l think of the apples stored
In my cellar and feel sure that l can
count OIL the small boys company
again. Small boys should be led around
III gangs for exercise, and then safely
stored away under lock and key, for
they car no more help getting into mis-
chief than they can help eating twenty
hve griddle cakes at a sitting. 1t IS
really remarkable how much they can
surround at a meal. The vastness of
their interiors has long been a puzzle to
science. They a eat more than five
adults, and then their reasoning parents
rant them boarded at ~half-price! Half
price inGeed! All proper hotel rules
should read: small boys without an
individual keeper not allowed or these
premises" Nothing is more dangerous
than letting them loose in public
places. Last summer l spent a week
at a seashore hotel, and the place
swarmed with small urchins, although
anything of the human male persuasion
over the age of eighteen was a rare avis,
which brought out every girl with iler
hair frizzled a la Central Africa and a
new gown On. What a week that was!
L suffered, not so much from the alb
sence OF big boys-that l could have
Schooled myself to endure-but from
the abundance OF small boys. They al
ways made IL a point of honor to arrive
at the table before their elders, and, as
we would take our seats, long columns
OF smiling, stuffed and satisfied young
sters would file out. Or course. we
grown folks were glad to see them so
happy. until we began to order our
meal; then we would invariably find
that every desirable edible had disap-
peared, aud we dined principally Oh
bread and butter. In dispair the pro-
prletor would explain how he increased
his order every day. butthe small boys
also took pains to increase their appe-
tlte accordingly. Every one of them
would cheerfully devour a whole sheep,
wool and all, were it set before him."
sighed our harraSsed host.
Ii you looked down a summer hotel
corridor at about IL p. m. you would see
outside every door a pair of shoes wait
ing to be BACKED. A porter was ne yer
known to make a mistake in replacing
them, but Il night a demon on mis-
chief bent, whispered into a small
boys innocent little pink ear that it
would be a prize joke TO change every
pair OF shoes to some other door sill.
can Imagine the little imp stealing down
the mo0nllt corridor, clothed in his little
white mighty and looking a very cherub,
mlnnS the WINGS Hn NOV Ioua InOlruI
angelic on the outside. but inside he
was black, black, with mischievous
thoughts, blackberry pie and liquorice:
IL was Saturday night, and for once we
had numerous masculine guests. In the
morning when the bedroom doors began
to open and the proprietors of those un-
lucky shoes began to appear, | heard
language such as l hope never
TO hear again. 1t penetrated the
partitions of my room and hung
IN blue cloud above my
bureau. The man who wore tens
found five's before his door; ladies
found mems shoes and vice versa; some
mad two pairs, some had none. In tif-
teen minutes every bell in the house
was Jlngling, porters were flying around
and the landlord was tearing his hair in
despair. Two ~big-footed brokers' had to
catch the early train, and they went to
town III their stocking feet; others wore
slippers, bathing shoes, anything that
came handy. 1t is not an easy task to
discover your W shoes in a hotel
housing 500 guests. The small-footed
men who had big shoes left at their
door were mean enough to put them on
and Journey 10 town, leaving their right
full owners powerless and shoe!ess.
L left word at the office that | would
leave next morning, but when | onened
my door to go down to breakfast, bang!
bang! fell a couple OF trunks right into
the room. Those awful boys had gath
cred all the trunks from the storage
room and from the halls and barricaded
my door. 1t took four porters and a
couple of stablemen three hours to dig
me out, meanwhile l sat breakfastless
and Tuning within. l paid my bill and
left, and now | am looking for a quiet
nook between a public school and an or
phan asylum, wherein to store my weary
frame.
If those small boys only work as hard
when they grow up, the rising genera
ton will he huStlerS-