The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1893-05-17

M.
" useless thing
whose presence was tolerated because
it could not be avoided. On one occa-
sion when was quite small, and when
/ was worse discouraged than usual, l
asked my father if he didn't wish | was
a kitten, and when he asked why l
thought he should wish that, | said:
because then you could drown me like
they do kittens and get me out of the
way" | really felt then that it would
surely be great relief to my people if
1should die, or get drowned, or break
my neck; and frequently ! wished, in
all earnestness, that some such circum-
stance would happen to me.
never was favorite with anybody,
and never could make friends. Why
such was the fact was never able to
understand. I'm sure ! tried to please
everyone with whom came in contact,
and | e2ertcd myself to the utmost to
gain their good will. | was docile, kind
and obliging to fault, and a more self
sacrificing creature am certain never
lived. made it the great study of my
whole youth to devise ways and means
for pleasing others, and would at any
time gladly inconvenience myself if by
so doing could serve the interest of
some one else.
Yet with all my self-sacrifice and
all my willingness to favor others,
remained friendless and unloved The
favors rendered people were accepted
as matter of course, and | verify be-
lieve that if had given up my head to
save the life Of any one of the people
knew, would not even as much as
have been thanked for my pains Those
who would have known of the sacrifice
might, perhaps, have thought | had
done very well, but I'm sure the act
would have created no serious comment.
In my efforts to please, to make friends
and to win words of praise | failed COM
pletely, and in spite of all could do
was made to feel more and more pain
fully as the years went by my utter
nselessness in the world.
If my mother had lived it would all
have been different. / should have had
one friend, at least, and what a comfort
that would have been in my loneliness
and isolation! What world of happi-
ness | should have found in mothers
love Then, perhaps, she might have
caused others to love me. l used to
think of that when | was uncommonly
depressed and sad, and many,long night
hours lay awake in my dark garnet
loft weeping for the loss of one l had
never known-my mother.
loved my father IN spite of his neg
lect of me, and tried in every way to
make him understand my feelings, hop
ing to win some expression of love from
him. When l was just little "tot"
watched for him when he came home
at evening, and often, when l could
muster up sufficient courage, stole up
to him and kissed him, then shrank
away feeling that l had committed a
grave Cffense. do not think my father
was pleased with such attentions from
me, for while he never openly resented
it, his face would take on a frown, and
he would shrug his shoulders in such a
way as to make me feel that he would
rather have me stay away from him.
My father had married again soon
after my mothers death, and he had a
second daughter two years younger
than l. My sister was a very pretty
child, at least every one said she was,
and my father was exceedingly fond of
her. Sometimes, sitting unnoticed in a
corner of the room, watched him as
he fondled and caressed her, playing
with her curls or gently tweaking her
ears, and wondered then what could
do to win such attentions to myself.
Once or twice | left my corner and,
stealing forth, attempted to seat myself
on my fathers other knee in the hope of
sharing his attentions with my sister, but
he pushed me away from him, and l
skunk back to my seat with deeply
wounded heart, feeling a tinge of jeal-
ousy of the favored child.
don't think my father could have
ever felt much love for my mother.
Such, az least, was the impression
gained rs ! grew mp ! revcr heard
him speak of her, and If anyone men,
toned her name in his presence it
seemed to disquiet him. 1t appeared to
me that any remembrance of her was
extremely unpleasant to him, though
why it should be was unable to COM
prchend, for I'm sure she was a most
excellent woman and loving wife. Such
was the impression l gained of her from
our old colored cook, Aunt Mary, who
had known her from childhood up to the
day OF her death.
Oar neber hbed a better oman an
What yo' ma was" Aunt Mary said to
me time and again, IAN der neber will
lib better oman if de worr STAINS a
millyun y'ahs. She was de kindes',
hearted an de best-natured creatur cher
1 knowed, an if eber der was Chris
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