Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-03-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

It is not mans sins that find him out;
lt's his neighbor. Globe.
The great part of self-willed mans
estate usually goes to the lawyers. Troy
Press.
Every day man hears dozen things
he ought to do that he can't do.--Atchi-
son Globe. - 10
''Do you believe in fate, Pat?" ''Sure
and phwat would we stand on widout
'emG"-Siftings. 4
Whatever may be said of sweetheart
she can't be too good to be true.-Phil-
adelphia Times.
There Is no help for the case of the
woman who can't get a, servant. Phil
adeiphia Record.
Teacher-"What is hero?" Tommy
1.-THE man who marries a heroine. y
indianapolis Journal. =,
The cynic is the man who knows the
price of everything and the value of
nothiDg.-The Fun.
Women are not cruel to dumb animals.
No woman will wilfully step on mouse.
Richmond Recorder.
It appears to be the business of the
needy tramp to go around looking for
succors.-Binghamton Leader.
s'Do you think this tooth will stand
filling2" Patient-"Well, Pm sure it
has plenty of nerve. Inter Ocean.
The man who thaws.. out dynamite Is
being heard from. There is generally
but one report.-Baltimor American.
The Keg-"Your headpiece is posi-
lively ugly" The Barrel (proudly)--
"Maybe, but wear hoops. Chicago
News.
Time is generally represented as carry
ing scythe. This will probably be kept
up till it is no mower. er.--Philadelphia
Times. rl
ssThere's another unconscious humor-
istl" gleefully remarked the footpad as
he sandbagged the punster. Washing
ton Star. 3e
ssThere's time to work and time to
play" but to the hand-organ grinder
both times come at once.-Rochester
Democrat.
"Say, Chimmie," said the boy who
had white pink, "de blokie dat named
dis flower must ov bin, color blind. -
Washington Star.
That the cynic is an extreme type OF
humanity is indicated by the fact that
he is always very old or yery young
Washington Star.
'sI feel better about lickin' this postage
stamp" SAID the boy who had been sent
to mail letter. SITS nearer my size"
Washington Star. -
eyes," said the man who had just
fallen down three flights of stairs, 'I've
teen on quite an extended trip. Kate
Fields Washington. i'@
Dullpate-"I find it very hard work
to collect my thoughts" Msud-"Papa
says it's always difficult to recover small
amounts. Inter Ocean.
Mudge-"Thompson called me an
IDIOT" Yabsley-ssYou needn't mind
that. Thompson always does exaggerate
more or less. Tit Bits.
What maks the bicycle popular with
many, rich or poor, is that, after trying
to ride one, they feel that they are better
off.-Philadelphia Times.
Artist-"How do you like the por-
trait made of you2" Cranky Subject
-sWell, the coat is too tight under the
arms. New York Journal.
The words of mans mouth tell no
more of the meditations of his heart than
the voice of dinner bell tells of the
quality of the dinner.-Puck.
ssWhen it comes to revenue CUTTERS"
said old Bullion, shipping off another
coupon, 'there's nothing like good
pair of shears. "-Chicago Tribune.
A difference between a knife blade
losing its temper and a. woman is that
the former becomes duller and the latter
more cutting.-Philadelphia Times,
When smiles the glad millennium
Upon this mighty nation
An Office will be found for each
In the whole population.
Washington Star.
Alta Party: Suitor-"Mein Fraulein,
l love you." Rich Young Lady (point-
ing with her fan to her father)-"Ex-
cuse me, yonder is my business manager"
Wiener Luft.
Mr.. Horton-nWhat on earth did you
want of this expensive fire scrcena"
Mrs. Horton--"To keep callers from dis
covering that we hadn't any fire. ."-Chi-
cago Inter-Ocean. .8