The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-03-28
HOMEMADE PHILOSOPHY.

Chicago? Oh yes That's inside
the Worlds Fair grounds, amt it,"
Depend on it your neighbor is
lying when he praises your children.
No paper should suppress news
because somebody doesn't want it pub
lished.
There are times when we'd
rather be alone" remarked the burglar,
when caught.
christian science may be all
right" said the tramp, ''but it don't
fit my case"
No woman ever tackled a job,
that didn't think she could do it as
well as a man.
Never call a neighbor your friend
when speaking Of him. Everyone
knows you don't mean it.
He asked her to name the we'd
ding day. She named it the 18th
and now they never speak.
No one ever saw a negro with q
razor but that was told it was corn
knife-used it to cut bis c0rns.
The are men in this city who
would be disguised if they we're to lay
aside their deceit and deception.
1t takes two to make q quarrel.
but the cooperation Of the under dog
in the fight is rather perfunctory.
The moon and / were full last
night, "said he," and we both went
down before the night was over
What am l here f.r?" asked
the tramp. Il put you here so l
could fine(dD you" said the officer.
You can keep from talking about
your own cussedness, but can't keep
from mentioning that Of your neigh
Dor.
There's room at the top, but I'll
let someone else have my place" said
the amateur ballOOnist, as he came
down.
We have noticed that merchants
who advertise the least. have the big
gest lot Of goods piled out on the
There is sign in Philadelphia
theater which reads, Ladies will
please have their hats checked at the
box Office.
How is man going to pay for
the warm fires or the living-water in
the hereafter2 No kind of manual
labor is mentioned.
How would you like to have a
man tell just what he really thinks Of
you? 1t would make interesting
in most cases.
"A Brooklyn lady always refers
70 her husband a., 1.-THE late Mr..
smith" He is brought home dead
drunk quite often"
Why is it that your neighbours
log will howl at the moon the latter
part Of the night. whenever you
,ome home late and want to sleep?
-"Give me comeback ticket to
was heard at the ticket Of.
ice the other day. The speaker was
, German, who wanted a round trip
ticket.
What are you down town for
Jones We seldom see much
# you since your marriage" MY
nother-in-law is at the house." was
he reply.
Every drunkard has had it said
# him: ats such a pity that so
bright man can get so low" Just
that even a tool can drink
Some people pray like they ex-
'eeted the Lord to single them out
or especial favor in the next world.
and yet We know they'll kick if their
lalo don't tit.
I'm the father of six children" /,
all gentleman the other evening. /
'and never was kept awake at night .
" one Of them" '.How's that" asked /
bystander Pm night Waterman
own town" was the answer.
job was patient mana very |
'atieut man: but we will go you one
etter that he never sat for three NOR
al and agonizing hours and listened
D an intoxicated democrat explain
he why's and wherefores of the tariff
; he and Cleveland views it. If he
ad, he might not curse God, but he |
Iould surely want to die.
An Illinois preacher response
lie for the statement that "God made