The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1893-04-28

81 suppose you don't really want TO get rio
of me, George l suppose you haven't got
them with deliberate intention Of giving me
blood poisoning or typhoid feyera Yet surely
| you ought to know that Thames oysters al
ways You haven't any pains about the--the
breast, have you, George?' f..
When had satisfied my wife on this point,
she went over her notes Of the lecture, and
one by one knocked most Of the principal ar
ticles OF our bill of fare. TO cut five lecture,
into one, week after week she did the same,
terribly agitated about the III effects resulting
from this or that article of food, and in NOR
tai fear lest, throssA sas ignoeaeossof ths
laws of healthy dietetics, typhoid or some 9th
er dire complaint should carry us off before
the conclusion of the course Of lectures.
''It is comfort to have ones eyes open at
last, she said, time after time, at this dis
ease or that frightened her nearly out of her
senses by being eau ed by some correspond
ing article Of diet. After awhile she began to
take a mela ncholy interest in discovering
fresh facts and arguments, showing some new
association of eating and i'll health; and her
time was principally spent in comparing the
cookery book with the dictionary Of diseases.
Pastry was knocked OF as bad for the diges-
ton; sugar in any form produced diabetes;
jam was SIMPLY turnip poisoEously colored;
timed provisions were notoriously dangerous
while anyone with Sense and natural desire
for good wind and breathing apparatus would
avoid cheese like pestilence. Then butter,
according to medical journal was known to
carry the germs of consumption; eggs were re
sponsible for serious arrangements of the liv-
er, and iuit and vegetables meant cholera at
the very least.
bore up as best l could under these depri-
vations, thinking 1t wise to humor my wife
while the fit lasted; and consoled myself in
the meantime with the pipe and drinks that
had not yet been taken away. But their day
was at hand. A special lecture was devoted
to these subjects; and Immediately after, tho
corner Of my mouth was violently seized and
examined by my wife for signs of cancer;
blindness was threatened unless tobacco was
instantly relinquished; and as for drinks
we'll, with typhoid caused by milk, gout by
beer, loss of nerve-power by tea and coffee,
and fatty degeneration by cocoa, not to speak
of indigestion and sundry other evils, . man
| would be criminal indeed to run such risk.
For the last week l have been living on
| bread and water and haricots, and even these
were not obtained without str, ggle. Hari-
! cots were conceded douotfully. with pensive
statement that "perhaps it might not do any
| harm, and haricots were certainly very nu-
| trituous;" so that since then, this white, fatty
/ insipid vegetable has made its way to the ia
ole in every conceivable form and on every
conceivable occasion. Water, my wife
| thought, we should be better without; the pro
! fessor had said "the less ono drinks the bet
ter" and it certainly follows that ::if one does
| not drink at all, a condition Of perfect health
| is likely to be attained. With regard to bread
its properties are so fAttening, that my wife,
who has slight tendency to ''embonpoint,' u
and whom once discovered running surrep-
ttiouslJ up and down stairs with the object Of
reduciDr - --'-' -~'ln' ~, ..o-a