Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1893-04-07
TALK BY PINK PUNK.
some Inspired Utterances-His Idea oil
What Causes Unhsppiness-He Declines
"a raLn q Scrintnral Text.

Brother Pink Punk Is getting Daek
to his old form again; his voice is
stronger, and his actions and language
during his sermon last Sunday had so
much of their old-time vigor that the
breddern and sistern were worked up
to a great pitch Of excitement, says the
New York Herald. The sermon, which
was punctuated with a great number OF
| "amens!" and "glores!" was as follows:
DEARLY beloved breddern, de creates
preacher dat eber stood in pulpit In
dis country, dat is Henry Wahd Beech
| err. alwuss used TO say dat tex was
somet'n' used by ministers for the pur-
pose ob gibin' dem chance to preach
about somet'n' else. l agree with Mr..
Beecher. on dis point egzactly, an dats
de reason berry seldom makes use 90
any reference from the Bible, becuz
wen the creates an smahtes' OBJ de oes'
educated men disagree about de meanin'
OBJ de simplest passages in de great
: Book, I'm afraid dat ary interrupshun
90 de Scripture on my paint wudn't
amount to a row oh pins.
Oats de reason, deah breddern, dat
prefer TO preach on suojecks dat va
kin understan' widout habn' TO bring a
bible or dickshunary or Encyclopedia
to church to look up de meanin' OBJ my
words or my expressbuns an call me
down by writin' fool letters to dc paper
on Monday mawnin' accusin' me OBJ her
esY an pnbeliei an ignorance, an de
Lawd only knows what.
HUMAN NATURE" THE TEXT.
"My tex is human nature in all It's
| - = n
shnns an more twists an turns an dill
ferent views to it dan dere is TO all de
verses in de bible. My sermon to-day
will be on happiness in its different
forms. an de causes OBJ it.
"Happness, deah breddern, is en-
tirely state OBJ mind; de body has nuf-
fin woteber to do wild 1t. People dat
hab to suffer great hardships an pow
erty often rail against Ia cruel fate dat
didn' make dem rich, like dere neigh
Dor, who enjoys all de comforts OBJ life,
an seems 10 DO puflickly contented.
Now, de trubble wild dose kline ob people
is dat dey sit down an make demseves
miserable by worryin', wen dey ought
| to Jump up an make themselves happy
by hustlin'.
"De neighbor dat seems so happy
didn' get his property togedder by sittin'
down in de dumps an wishin' dat he
wuz only better off an swearin' agin de
cussed luck dat KEEP him stepped in pow
erty; not much. He said 10 hisself: II
Pm agoin' to hab any success in dis
worr I'll hab to jes put my shoulder to
dc wheel an shove, an de result is dat
he gifts along on de road to success, vile
de man dat hez no grit or go sticks in
de mud, an vile he watches de process
shun OBJ successful people passn' him
by eases his mind by swearin' az de
luck dat pervents him from j'inin' de
parade.
WATCH THE FLAG!
81 tell va, deah breddern, in de great
race OBJ life Opportunity is de starter,
an va hab to watch mighty close Tor de
! drappin' ob de flag or ya'll be lef' at de
pos, shuah'S yer Dawn. Ef va make 4
! false start va don't git anudder chance
to try yer luck, but va hab to sneak
along in de tail end oh de race an ar
rive at de judges stand jest in time to
see de men dat knew when to apply de
whip an spur announced as de winners.
"Dere are different noshuns OBJ hap
/ pineSs in de world, deah breddern. De
poor man thinks dat eff he only had
enuff to lib on he'd be puffickly happy:
de man dat hez enuff to lib on imagines
dat eff he only had little more he'd be
| I'm spasms OBJ delight all de time, an de
man dat heZ more money dan he kin
use thinks dat Of he cud jes' double his
! fortune he'd be in de seventh hebben
Oh happiness.
BERRY often, howeber, it is de sim
plest tings Diet make US happy; all de
| money in de world wouldn' buy de APP
petite of a good healthy niger in de
| watermelon season, an while he's a
revelin' in de juicy fruit he seems to be
| bitin' off perfect happiness in great big
| junks dat are only regulated by de size
OBJ his mouf.
Glib an ebery-day American woman
de dry goods bargain page ob de Sun
| day paper, her car fare an 20 cents for
| her lunch an she kin forgit all her
troubles in de perfect happiness OBJ a
whole days shoppin', an II she can git
| half crushed to death around some bar
| gain counter, lookin' at things she hez
no noshun OBJ buyin', it adds to her hap
| piness hundred-fold.
"ImaginaShun hez good deal to do
] wild de unhapDiness dat some folks ex-
| perience in dis worl', deah breddren.
| Some men who cud udderwiSe be happy
! keep in constant state Oh misery by
tinkin' dat some misforchun is about to
happen to dem; dey go roun' wild long
! face an cowardly eXpresshun OBJ fear,
as dough dey expected cherry minute
/ dat n house wuZ goin' TO fail on dem or
dat dere property wuz goin' to be taken
( from dem an dey want 20 hab de prop
er feelin' on tap for de calamity wen it
comes, an II it doesn't come dey feel
sorter disappointed, an in dis way
dey nebber know wot a happy mo-
ment is fru de whole course OBJ dere
miserable lives.
THE THREE REQUESTS.
LAS an illustrashun, deah breddern,
ob de kline OBJ people dat nebber know
wen dey are happy or wen dey hab
/ enuff I'll tell va a story OBJ a man dat
lived in Souf Car'lina befo' de wah. He
done did somet'n great in dey way OBJ
! Savln' his massa's life or somet'n. l
doan reckleck egzackly, but anyway his
maSsa tole him he'd grant any three re-
! quests dat ne would make. Well, dat
lazy niger jes' thunk I'M thunk an
| finally he SEE: 'MasSa, I'd like to have
enufT TO eat cherry day till / die; dat's
number one. Den I'd like to hab enuff
peach brandy to keep me as full ez q
tick all de time; OATS number two. Now
! for number three. Dat mus be de bes
Of ALL Well he thunk IN thunk for
/ anud6pr, wilp but he cudnit seem TO
reckomber anything dat wud make him