The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-05-18

When I married beautiful young
girl, five years ago, said TO myself: 81
now possess something of which l shall
never weary. My home, my lovely
wife, the joys of connubial bliss-sure-
~ this is nectar, the sweetness of which
can never surfeit.'
Alasl Before year had passed even
ing hours at home were a WEAKNESS
and bore. l was never satisfied un-
less pursuing a round of gayety.
Change, change-my tickle, inconstant
nature demanded constant variety and
excitement.
Then our babe came to us, and rs
hung over his cradle in the first trans
port of fathers joy, said, with con-
fdencc: "Surcly this delight will en-
dure My sweet babe will bring me a
succession of pleasures of which 1 can
not tire. My wife, my child; could
man ask for more of happincss?"
The child did bring more of JOY to
my heart than anything else had ever
done. His unfolding beauty from day
to day charmed me and held my heart
captive. Still he did not grow fast
enough to please me, and I often lost
present delight through fevcrish haste
for his future development. I antici-
pated his powers with ardent impa-
thence. When he crcpt longed TO see
him walk; when he walked was still
looking forward to the time when he
should talk.
hope | am alone in this insancly
foolish disposition-that no other Is
cursed with my unholy greed for
change, for that which l have not. I
sec others happy, contcntcd, taking
each days pleasure as it comes with
calm serenity, and envy them. IL
must look forward. The to-day of re-
alization is too tame; the reckoning
phantom of the future ever lures me on
This day am looking for n shame
FIJI death upon .thc scaffold, and still
my memorable fate bids me look be-
You'd. Has not to-day enough of
horror, without looking beyond to the
hereafter? Can it be possible that
character will pursue me to the other
world-thnt what have been through
life shall continue to be through all
a GysF p sssast f2c hapg Gd
forbid!
My spiritual adviser urges me to re-
pent and strive to do so, but in vain;
for l well know that if had all life to
live over again I should still be the
same: restless unsatisficd, ever seeking
for something had not.
'.Do you ask why am here? 1t is a
strange tale, and sometimes fancy it
is all dream. Then bitter memory
brings home the truth to me. The
tale is true, and l am it's principal
actor.
= The boy-my idol-was but little past
year old when he sickend and died,
and my home was desolate. In all nv
anticipations of change / had never
dreamed of anything like this, and for
time was crushed, stunned with the
blow. l could not sob and cry out, as
other men car When grief takes hold of
their heart-strings; and too soon sought
expression for my grief and loneliness
in the aggravation of my old propensi-
ty. plunging into pleasure, and con-
lstantIly changing from one scene to
another with reckless flnsecmfy haste,
while Isadore sat at home and wept,
looking at me rcproachfully and saying
sadly: 81 thought you loved him., when
! urged her to throw off her grief and
go out with me.
met face OF surprising loneliness
in my round of gaycty-one which
thrilled and charmed me rs Isadorcs
had done when first met her; and she,
my new friend, became the object upon
which my hopes of future happiness
conferred.
My wife was now q part of nv past:
this radiant creature was in nv future.
and my tickle nature craved the pos
session Of her love with an absorbing
desire-an ambition which cncompasscd
me about like a fog at sea, obscuring
honor, love, gratitude to the wife of
my bosom and the mother of my child;
and half unconsciously began to cal
culate what | would do if Isadorc was
dead.
1t grew upon me, the hideous idea,
until it became tangible thought-an
undevcloped picture upon the film of
my imagination which each day the
chemical process of my inamorata's
charms developed more clearly until |
began to plan that Isadore should die.
Under the spell Of my infatuation, it
seemed quite innocent and right that
She should go to join our little lost one.
She was good woman, and had no
doubt for her future state; and so |
planned.
As began to be more attentive to
her (what race of Judases the FIRST
arch traitor has begaN, her color came
oack ana her tears were dried, for she
loved me. All yes, how constant WON.
en- arci Men may tramplc their very
heartstrings under their feet rs the
SWINE would trample pearls. and yet
they will forgivc-forgivc.
IL was not yet clear to me how this
thing which sought should come &c
pass. III VAS no Iart Of mn, .l....;...,