The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1893-09-08
UNCLE SETH AS A CONSIDER.
Priceless Philosophy. From a 9Ian Who
Earns 60 Cents Every Day.


Earns 60 Cents Every Day.
Wal, so ye he'd yer laig sawed off in a
sawmill, did YEP Sawed right off two inches
above the knee9 Wal, it's the best thing yer
could do. Hold yer horsesl Hold upl Don't
say world / came down here on purpose
to console We an now don't go to gettin riled.
l tell ye man oughtNo be happy who is
lucky enough to get his laig sawed of.
Hold on, now; don't yer see Pm consolin
ye? Wen fellers tryin to say sweet words
of comfort an peace to We, it's plague-on pro-
vokin to hev We go an r'ar up about it. /
tell We, Ab'rum, it's the biggest thing ye
ever did wen yer went an he'd that ar laig
sawed off. It's money in yer pocket, an it
would ha' been more money in yerpocket to
he'd yer other laig sawed off too-on'y in
that case yer wouldn' had no pocket to put
yer money into. Hell hel
Oh, SO you can't see any use in any SIGH
tomfool, fol-de-rol nonsense2 l tell ye it's
jest as true as Scripter mixed with the cen
sus report that every experience man has
Is worth 81 to him. Any mis'rable every
day experience is worth 81 to him if he is
the right kin er man. Ye know young Bob
Perkins, who couldn't earn his salt 'forehe
lost his right laig Then he went circusing
one laiged bicycler an made 81 ZOO in one
summer. Wen he fell off'n his bicycle an
lost his other laig, he went roun with a
menagerie an circus walkin on his hands,
an he made $4,000 in one trip. If you
want to ketch fortune, you can ketch it
quicker on one laig than yer can on two,
an ye can ketch it walkin on yer hands in
no time. You know oil Cy Perkins, who
u A
regular lummixl Wal, he went to the war
an lost his laig Guess he lost it runnin
away, coz he wus so scarf he all ls run away
from an angleworm coz he wuz feered it
wus snaik Wal, he wuz SO scarf that
wen some of the Union boys shot some
tame turkeys he heerd the firm an thought
the rebs were comm an started to run SO
fast that one laig tumbled over the other,
an he got all mixed up with hisself an
broke it, Wal, sir, he came home, an we
all kinder pitied him-he wuz SIGH a gawk
an we madehim sillickman, an mex year
we pitied him some more, coz he wuz
gawkier than ever, an sent him to the leg
islatur, an I'll be dinged if the deestrict
didn't take him up an run him for congress
on his soldier record
Wal, sir, he run good deal better than
the other man, COZ the other man didn't hev
either wooden laig or wooden head, an
Cy was well supplied with both. If the
other Teller he'd he'd five laigs an bicycle,
he couldn't ha' run for congress az quick az
oil Cy with his wooden laig an his head of
the same material.
tell We, Ab'rum, as said afore, every
experience is with 81 to man if he knows
how to use it. OF course losin yer laig is
with thousans. But every little miser' BILE
experience is with 81 if you've only got
gumption enough to carry it to the right
/ market an sell it. Ye might give hungry
man bushel of taters, an he would starve
to death if he didn't know 'nough to cook
'em An experience amt with nothin if
We don't know how to use it. Neither is a
$40 bill.
tell ye every experience is wuth 81 to
ye, an every man ought to hev three ex-
perfumes a day-like gettin a cinder in his
eye, losin his pocketbook or fallin off a hay
mow-he oughter get three day, an that's
So, an that's 81, 900 a year; an so every man
who's GO years oil ought to be with $50 .00U
How oil am II Wal, Pm go myself How
much am l worth? Oh-er-er = mighty
pleasant weather we're hevin now, amt it2
Good grass weather, good weather for
garding sass, good weather for critters,
good CROWN weather, good wealth How
much am | wuth2 Wal, I've got thirteen
dollars an some odd cents in the bank, but
then hain't never had no time to go foolin
roun to fin a market for my experiences.
But can't hang roun here no longer. Bill
| Smith is givin me 60 cents day to take
care of his stock, an must hurry home to
water the cows.-S. w. Foss in New York
/ Tribune