The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1893-07-25
ALL ABOUT A NOSE.
" Behold, what n Great Matter u Littl
Fire KindIeth."

They have had funny church row
in an Ohio town and all about the shape
OF woman's nose. The quarrel origi-
mated last Christmas about the pur-
chase of candy for the Sunday school
entertainment, one of the ladies' who
had been appointed member of the
committee for that purpose showing
herself so domineering as to call forth
some sharp criticism. One of the
critisc discussing the matter declared
that the trouble arose becase the lady
in question "was too smart" where
upon q would-be male wit remarked
that she knew that from the shape of
her nose" at which all the ladies
laughed with great zest, at the same
time casting admiring glances in the
mirrors ut their own more orthodox
noses.
From this pleasant bit of religious
gossip a feud arose to which ordinary
choir feuds are rs nothing. The lady
whose nose had been insulted was pres
emily informed of what had been said
about 1T, and she immediately bearded
the slanderor in his own house and de-
manded retraction. With the cow
ardice that characteriZes the aver
age man when confronted by an indig-
nant woman, he hid, iguratively
speaking, behind his wife's pctticoats
and persuaded her to tell the lady with
the heretical nose that he had not said
anything derogatory to her olfactory.
She was not to be paciiied in this way,
however, but went back at once to the
person who had told her and had the
story confirmed with all of the harrow
ing circumstance and detail which one
woman so well knows how to throw in
to narration Of this sort about an
other. The wife of the slandcrer still
persisting in her denial i'm order to
shield her guilty and trembling hus-
band, the lady whose nose had been so
shamefully maligned brought an &C.
clesiastical suit against the vilitier
and his wife, charging them with be-
ing guilty of falsehood in denying the
accusation, and of hatred, malice and
all uncharitableness in the original
nasal insinuation.
Lawyers were engaged on both sides
and the case was heard before jury of
five church members, with the pastor
sitting as Judge. Many witnesses,
principally members of the female
persuasion, were examined and testifi-
ed with great volubility and delight,
bringing in so much extraneOus matter
and travelling so far and so frequently
ont of the case to make little filings at
| other female members that there was
great danger at times that the pro
ceedings would degenerate into an
| active exchange of compliments in the
way of hair pulling and scratching. 1t
took great tact on the part of the pastor
and the jurymen to soothe the excited
feelings of the sisters but finally, they
brought in a verdict which served tC
calm the storm. They found that the
defendants were not guilty of falsehood
and had never reflected in any way up.
on the plaintiffs nose, and they found
further that the nose which was al
issue in the case was good orthodox
Christian nose, indicative only of such
virtues as humility, patience, long
suffering, faith, hope and charity, and
not in the remotest degree suggestive
OF pride, arrogance or dictatorial
character.
The ,erdict pleased all sides, the
women kissed, wept and made up
destroy the friendships of lifetime
retired to the shades of domestic life
vlndicated, happy and at peace with
all the world. The moral of this stor,
would seem to be: in the first place
never speak i'll of IL woman's nose /; bu
in the second place. if you do, deny it
and stick to your denial: and in the
third place, if the case comes to bt
adjudicated in the church, let the pas
tor and his jurymen initiate the dip
lomatic course of the Ohio tribuna
and bring in II verdict that will hea
the lacerated feelings of the ladies' ant
convert a threatened schism into
general -feast.-Baltimor Sun.