Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1893-09-08

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''Pd 1rGS stamping on it lrith his boots"
No, Pa has not got religion enough to
hurt yet, but he has got the symptoms
He has joined the church on prowbation
and is trying to be good so he can get in
the church for keeps. He said it was
hell living the way he did, and he has got
me to promise to go to Sunday school
He said if didn't he would maui me SO
my skin wouldn't hold water.
You see, Ma said Pa had got to be on
trial for six months before he could get
in the church, and if he could get along
without swearing and doing anything
bad he was all right, and we must try
him and see if We could cause him to
swear. ShJ said she thought a person
when they WAS on u prowbation ought
to be a martyr and try and overcome all
temptations to do evil, and if Pa could
go through six months of our home life
and not cuss the hinges off the door he
was sure of glorious Immortality be-
You'd the grave. She said it wouldn't be
wrong for me to continue to play inno-
cent jokes on Pa, and if he took it all
right he was Chistian, but if he got
hot box and flew around mad he was
better out of church than in it. There he
comes now" said the boy as he got be-
hind sign, land he is pretty hot for
Christian. He is looking for me. You
had ought to have seen him in church
this morning.
You see, commenced the exercises at
home after breakfast by putting piece
of ice III each of Pas boots, and when he
pulled on the boots he yelled that his feet
were all on fire, and we told him that it
was nothing but symptoms of govt, so
he lett the ice in his boots to melt, and
he said all the morning that he felt as
though he had sweat his boots full. But
that was not the worst You know, Pa
he wears liver pad. Well, on Saturday
my chum and me was out on the lake
shore, and we found nest of ants, these
little red ants, and l got pop bottle
half full of the ants and took them home
didn't know what l would do with the
ants, but ants are always handy to have
in the house. This morning when Pa
was dressing for church saw his liver
pad on chair and noticed hole in it,
and thought what good place it would
be for the ants.
Il don't know what possessed me, but
/ took the liver pad into my room and
opened the bottle and put the hole over
the mouth of the bottle, and guess the
ants thought there was something to eat
in the liver pad, cause they all went
into it, and they crawled around in the
bran and condition powders inside of it,
and / took it back to Pa, and he put it
on under his shirt and dressed himself,
and we went to church. Pa squirmed
little when the minister was praying,
and guess some of the ants had come
out to view the landscape DER. When
we got up to sing the hymn, Pa kept
kicking, as though he was nervous, and
he felt down his neck and looked sort of
wild, the way he did when he had the
jimjams. When we sat down, Pa couldn't
keep still, and like to died when l saw
some of the ants come out of his shirt
bosom and go racing around his white
vest. Pa tried to look pious and re-
signed, but he couldn't keep his legs
still, and he sweat more'n pailful.
When the minister preached about
the worm that never dieth,' Pa reached
into his vest and scratched his ribs, and
he looked as though he would give $40 if
the minister would get through. Ma she
looked at Pa as though she would bite
his head off, but Pa he just squirmed and
acted as though his soul was on fire.
Say, does ants bite or just crawl around?
Well, when the minister said amen and
prayed the second round and then said
a brother who was missionary to the
heather would like to make O few re-
marks about the work of the missionaries
in Bengal ard take up a collection, Pa
told Ma they would have to excuse him,
and he lit out for home, slapping himself
on the legs and on the arms and on the
back, and he acted crazy. Ma and me
went home after the heather got through
and found Pa in his bedroom with part
of his clothes off, and the liver pad was
on the floor, and Pa was stamping on it
with his boots and talking offul.
"'What is the matter? says Ma. Don't
your religion agree with you?
"'Religien be dashed says Pa as he
kicked the liver pad. 4 would give $40
to know how pint of red ants got into
my liver pad. Religion is one thing. and
million ants walking all over man
playing tag is another. l didn't know
the liver pad was loaded. How in Ge-
henna did they get in thereT and Pa
scowled at Ma as though he would kill
her.
Don't swear. dear says Ma as she
threw down her hymnbook and took off
her bonnet. You should be patient. Re-
member, Job was patient, and he was af-
fiicted with sore boils.'
Il don't care says Pa as he chased
the ants out of his drawers; JOB never
had ants in his liver pad. If he had, he
would have swOre the shingles off a barn.
Here, you, says Pa, speaking to me, You
head OFF them ants running under the
bureau. If the truth was known, l be-
heve you would be responsible for this
outrage And Pa looked at me kind of
hard.
"'Oh, Pa says /, with tears in my
eyes, do You think your little Sunday
school boy would catch ants in a pop
bottle on the lake shore and bring them
home and put them in the hole of Your
liver pad just before You put it on to 60
to church? You are too bad And
shed some tears. l can shed tears now
any time want to, but it didn't do any
good this time. Pa knew it was me, and
while he was looking for the shawl strap
went to Sunday school, and now guess
he is after me, and will go and take
walk down to Bay View
The boy moved off as his Pa turned a
corner, and the grocery man said: well,
that boy beats all ever saw. If he was
mine, l would give him away"
CHAPTER VIII.
HIS PA AT THE REUNION.