The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-05-31
WIT AND HUMOR.

AAo puIoS1 tuluR AUOub bH0 hVoT&So
brand of maple sirup is the gall of its
manufacturers. .-Bufato Courier.
As spring flower which would look
best in milkman's coat. buttercup
or water lilyP-PhiladelphiG Times.
It must be true that money is the
root of evil. The whole world is
desperately trying to get at it.-Baf-
falo Courier.
The great trouble about a prize fight
is that the overture of chin music is so
much longer than the performance
Washssgtoss Star.
1t does not follow that person will
become successful fisherman just be-
cause he has pull on the lines
Rochester Democrat.
Old Party Gin cable carr
what's the matter with this car that it
should jerk SOP Conductor-It's got
the grip.-Harper's BGzGr.
"Wasn't that moving sermon on
domestic charities by DR.. MonthlyP"
Eyes, indeed, old Skynfiynt actually
dropped tear in the plate. ."-HorUard
LGnspoon.
Governess-Why do we pray for 'our
daily bread'P Why don't we ask for
four or five days or week's9 Clever
Child-Because we want it new, sup
pose.-Judy.
sThe point I'm trying to make is
this" remarked the brunette, as she
whitfield desperately at the lead pencil.
But none of the others could see it,
Buffalo Courier.
No act of kindness is ever lost. If it
tails to benefit the person for whom it
was done it will at least tighten the
heart and conscience of the actor
GGsUeston Nea0s.
Scads-You say he left no meneyp
Baggs-No. You see, he lost his
health getting wealthy, and then lost
all his wealth trying to get healthy
Montreal Gazette.
Mrs. Bingo-What does a silent
partner mean, dearp Bingo-That's a
term, my love, that don't think it
would be possible to explain to you
Detroit Free Press.
Skinning a man at cards is different
from robbing him on the highway. In
the latter process the victim puts up
his hands. In the former the robber
does it.-Iroy Press.
@This is the fourth time you have ap-
Piled for an Office, /" said the candidates
friend. "Yes; but it takes lots of ap-
plicatioR to succeed in anything, you
know" - Washington Star.
Miss Elder-I think it was real mean
In you to tell Mr.. Spatts l was % years
old. Miss Fosdick-Why. you surely
didn't want me to tell him how old
you really werep-V Vog1e.
what do you say to the young bar
rister's making me an offer of mar
riagep" "Just what expected! When
Tilted him he swore he would do him.
self an injury. y."-Plauderecke.
Rector Ito choirnfaster) We don't
have enough congregational singing to
suit the church members. Choir
master-No. 1t ought to be kept up
throughout the sermon. Life.
Jack-You seem worried tonight.
Tom = Yes; Mabel is here with 9
squint-eyed chaperon, and can't tell
for the life of me whether she is watch
ing me or not.-HarpeT's BGzar.
He gazing at her jewelless ears dur
ing temporary lull in the conversa-
tion)-Why! did you never have your
oAKS DOEoUg Ono-1N0FOIs up W tAc
present time.-Bostos Transcript.
Manager-Your play is Incomplete
you leave the lovers at the marriage
altar, with nothing to indicate their
future. Author-I didn't set up to
write tragedy, did IP-M Y. Herald.
Tramp-Please, mum, haven't a
friend or a relative in the world.
Housekeeper-Well, I'm glad there's
no one to worry over you in case you
get hurt. Here, Tige.-M r Weehly.
Dick Hicks-Did God make woman
after he did manp Mrs. Hicks-Y Yes,
dear. Dick Hicks CATER serious
thought)-I suppose that accounts for
their being SO much younger.-N 7.
Times.
Bell Boy-Col. Jupiter, in 108. gave
ne this card for you TO register him
by. Clerk-Lt,s wine card, you block.
head. Go and ask him if kentucky
is where he lives or what he wants.
N. Z. Times.
"This parrot can recommend. He
has only one fault; he makes a terri
BILE row if he does not get his dinner
promptly" Widow shall take him
He will remind me of my late husband
-Fliegefde Blaetter.
Mr. Bonanza-Who is the lady will
the swell turnout? Lord de Pendan
That's her Majesty Queen Victoria
MIR. Bonanza-Um-m. Seems to me
have heard my wife and daughte
speak of her.-Harper's BGzGr.
81 hear you are going to marry Mis-
Bullion. l should think you woul,
marry Goldie Sterling; she is just a
rich and much younger" Eyes, m,
dear boy, but Miss Bullion's papa i
much older. ."-L5s's Calendar.
A patent medicine is advertised t
reduce swellings in the neck. If
could be made to prove efficacious
little higher up the list of those VIII
could use it with beneficial result
would be largely increased. = Iro
Press.
The Captain-By Jove, Miss Pompa
dour, how the costumes and makeu
alter people. hardly knew yor
Miss Pompadour-Do | lcok such
frightp The Captain-On the cor
trary, you look charming. .-Bosto
Budget.
Mrs. Dresswell (to her daughter-ir
law)-Wait a minute! You haven
seen my duck of new bonne
Daughter-in-Law's Husband Gntel
posing she? Then you didn
buy it anywhere in this neighborhoo6
Fun.
Mrs. Fadd-Did you know that Mrs
Askin has started out as dress r,
former? Mrs. Fodd--Shell never max
her gowns fashionable. Mrs. Fadd-
o, yes; she will! She's going to chare
twice as much for them as the old kin
cost.-PucE.
One candidate for Office has a
dressed rhymed epistle to the pres
dent, unmindful of the fact that It
the soap factories which use poetl
mostly, instead of the executive d
partment of the United States.-S
Paul Poneer-Press.
Mothers doughnuts!" he said, as
shifted at them contemptuously;
should call them gate hinges! "
ought to see the dopghnuts my wi
-" and his mother left the table
tears, while his wife said, chiding