Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-06-27
READY FOR THE BORE
CONVERSATION OF A MAN WHO WAS
PRlMED FOR A DYSPEPTIC.

Words In the Course of Long Talk.
''You are so burly and robust" said
the orgulous dyspeptic, with secret
scorn, to his casual travelling acquaint-
ance, that presume you are never
troubled with dyspepsia. You have
much to be thankful for. am often in
such a state that
Was the burly acquaintance TO endure
the garrulity of a chance dyspeptic? He
was not.
ION the contrary" he Immediately re-
piled, for, never having suffered a mo-
ment In his life from any physical all
ment, his mind was active and vigilant
"On the contrary, ! have suffered I'M
told torture from dyspepsia, and as you
are interested in the subject | will will
ingly give you my experience. l began
with the finest digestion in the world,
but while engaged in the military service
of the country. being 10 years scouting
on the frontier, the character of the ra-
tons, together with the quality of the
confections Of soldier cooks previously
engaged in driving hacks and smuggling
oastings"-
"Oh. my trouble was not with cooks"
interposed the dyspeptic loftily, but
nevertheless much chagrined to find the
burly acquaintance prepared to talk on
on the subject "As | was about to tell
you, am often in such a state that
"And the irregularity of the meals"
hurried on the burly acquaintance,
''served. you understand, in camp, al
fresco and "A Ia fourchette sans ceremonie,
threw me into such disorder that / had
indigestion then dyspepsia. then non
assimilation. submitted my case to the
army surgeons. They advised me-
Doctors are of little use. will tell
YOU
TO confno myself to the simplest and
most digestible edibles and esculents to
be found in the military commissary
But grew worse, and the surgeons or
dered me back to civilization, where ]
could obtain the delicate nutriment
which my disordered and seriously i'm
paired system required | went to Chi
cago and began diet of chicken broth,
fresh fruit, stale bread made from newly
Z
"Oh. ! tried all those. Five years
ago.
1.-THE result was that grew worse, as
before, and the local doctors advised me
to go TOTO 50 to New York, where /
should 10 able to find foods better suited
to my parlous state. Accordingly went
TO New York and hid out a diet of the
finest and purest Of the selected foods
that that metropolis Affords
"Plain country food taken as the sys-
TEN requires
my physician advised exact regular
jty ! hal two ounces sea food, two
ounces faTinaceous food, two ounces of
the juice Of fresh imported fruits and
two ounces coagulated albuminoids ev-
cry two hours. Growing steadily worse,
l consulted higher medical talent One
doctor kept me on clam broth, another
on tangerines. smother on shredded
broiled frogs legs. another on distilled
alfalfa
Five years ago
'Growing steadily worse, consulted
still higher authority. was now told
that my diet was at variance with ma
ture. The doctor told me that nature
was proportion, rhythm. music-foods
must be taken in harmonious proper
tions. He prescribed the same sea foods,
cereals, meats and fruits as the others,
but in chromatic scale of the decreas-
ing seventh, throwing in occasionally a
few vegetables 10y way of variation o.
the fugue and double extracts as over.
tones
"Of course you recovered, your case
being merely temporary
"Growing steadily worse, / consulted
a doctor who had had great success
among the ilhonaires-fnancial sue
cess. He was man of blunt speech
and plain common sense. He said had
.overworked my stomach and must give
it entire rest What ! was to do for a
living in the meantime he did not say.
but he took large fee with great scorn
rightly despising me for the small
amount Of money that he left me. My
stomach was now worse than ever. 1t
refused to be cajoled and despised my
offers Of peace. Excuse me moment
Once had spent over 4S hours fasting
1 then drank two drains of soda mint
with four ounces of aqua pura-every-
thing was now drains, scruples and
ounces with me, and the zigzag symbols Of
those distressing quantities appeared in
my nightly Nightmares like procession
of Daniel Quilps and Humpbacks of No
tire Dame--as ! say V drains of sterilized
milk at 20 degrees centigrade, with iv
wiggles of bismuth and ii jiggle jaggles
of soda, with a couple of glasses of wine
and pepsin to aid in the mysterious proc
esses of digestion
1.-THE large amount Of actual food con-
tanned in the ounce of milk began to dis
tress me exceedingly, but the wine, to
which ! was not accustomed, gave me
courage. took several more doses of it
Immediately, increasing the doses rhyth-
mically. had not felt so well in months,