St. Paul daily globe., 1893-03-05

we are Just recovering is responsible Tor
some OF the tallest and most remarkable
stories that have been heard III this
SANITY City for some time. And in
Lent, too Why couldn't that storm
have waited until we had ceased fasting,
aud could have told few little snow
white lies with clear conscience.
But II was a golden opportunity, too
good to be lost, and some people could
not resist relating their experience. |
am not the authority for these tales. l
simply repeat them as heard them re-
lated.
A Hamline resident insists that he
walked home the night Of the storm
clinging to the telegraph wires. Per
haps he did, and perhaps that was the
night he couldn't tell which was the
laGchkey and which was the keY-hole.
A st. Anthony Park gentlemen who
has always been considered reliable
even in horse trade-relates the fol-
lowing weird and thrilling tale: He
started for home, guided by compass.
and walked and walked, but he couldn't
find his $40 month nest, where he kept
his brand new, bride. He might have
been walking yet had 1t not been for his
olfactory nerves. He finally became
discouraged, and was just preparing to
return TO the place where he had taken
his last drink--if he could locate it
when familiar perfume greeted his
frozen noStrils. Surely it was waited
from the hash, which seemed to be the
only dish his dear little bride could
cook. He could not be mistaken in
that odor, for it had been served
to him three times day since
his marriage The smell of that
hash almost resigned him to the pros
pect of death, and he thought he would
perch while upon stump which pro-
truded from huge drift and wrestle
with this problem, viz: Whether he
preferred death or hash-it would
eventually come to the same thing. So
this lost st. Anthony lamb sat down on
the supposed stump, and down, down,
down he went, and he swears by the
ghost of the great and only Grover that
it was his own chimney he sat on, and
fell right down into the frying pan of
hash.
After his little wife had fished him out
with the poker, and he had recovered
his voice, lie raved at her steadily for
ten minutes, as if she was accountable
for the storm and the huge drift which
had buried her. The weather bureau
was not handy, ana what are wives for
if not to be held responsible and scolded
for every thing from bad business and
poor crops to broken contracts, and any
other annOyances to which their poor
husbands are subjected? But this is a
depression. AS he started in on the
. 365th swear word it flashed across his
benumbed thinking apparatus that the
storm had been the means of his spoil
ing the hash. and that thought comfort.
ed him, and he relented toward his
weeping bride, and told her 'he forgave
her, but never to do so again." He did
not personally relate all of this, some of
it | gathered from the neighbors.
Does that polite young man think the
girl who fell head-frst down the Slip
perry steps into the snow drift thanks
him for picking her out? No, indeed!
And why was he so stupid as to ask
her show she came to do lt?" She re-
piled she Thought that was the quick
est way to come down in hurry"
Surely the sarcasm which thrilled
through the voice which she found
after recovering from her astonishment
har inc
of her heels will teach that overpolite
young man to pretend he doesn't see
any more upset females. Women don't
like to appear awkward. You watch
the next one that slips, and you will see
that, before picking herself up, she
will look cautiously around to ascertain
fany one has seen her hat go sideways
and her frontpiece fall off. If the coast
is clear she arises; otherwise she faints.
Have you noticed how heartily the old
settlers greet each other with 1--WE are
enjoying a real good old-fashioned win
ter'' and grin as if they liked it. and
then sneak down the shortest back
street to the depot and buy ticket to
Florida?
Don't you think those cold, unhappy
looking keep off the grass" signs make
the capitol grounds look a little like a
graveyard this weather? The poor
things feel keenly how out of place
they look and have tried vainly to bury
their heads in the snow. The contrast
between the signs and the weather
sends the chill down the legislators
spines and makes them long for home
and ton OF coal.
l took ride on the interurban line to
see the huge piles Of snow and tried
vainly to imagine what Dakota bli Z
zard felt like, but the car was too COM
Portable and my imagination less elastic
than usual, so [ had to give it up and
own that l couldn't lose myself on the
interurban prairie If / tried. [ had
noticed that we passed the same cutter
several times, and couldn't help seeing
how extremely conscious and important
the occupants looked. Finally L con-
cluded it was a st. Paul brutal couple
on their wedding tour. Her nose was
as red as fire from the cold, and the
was aware that she must keep up appear
ances; consequently every time the
car passed them she sat bolt upright
with her red feather waving in the air
like smallpox sign, and her frozen
white gloved hands clasped around the
arm of what had once been BRIDE
groom, but now looked like an icicle.
The car stopped and we missed them,
but few blocks more brought us in
sight of them again. How short-lived
is human felicity! We saw very much
surprlsed-looking female sitting on
fur robe just where she had been
dumped out, surrounded with hot
bricks, few sandwiches, whisky bot
tie, various articles Of female apparel
and the overturned grip from which