The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1893-07-12
The Sons of Il.

The Newberry branch of this -four
ishing organization, auxiliary TO the
national sand packers association, not
withstanding the inclemency of the
weather aud the failure Of so many
banks, had a rousing meeting at their
regular swarm at $50 on the 32nd in
slant, many members being conspicu=
Gus by their presence; although, owing
t. the establishment Of the dispensary,
the house was not as full as it has been.
The raising of the cold wave signal in
terfered also. The setting up of the
dispens'ry has additionally had mod
Grating effect on the speeches Of the
ing-leaders-they don't use so many
adiectives now, and stick closer to
their Subjects. Under the new .dispen-
sation, business is conducted with
more neatpess and dispatch, and the
membership is not as eager to adjourn
or 60 out between times as under the
old bar era. They are very odd fellows
and many of them now support five
cent watermelon. The next convening
of the swarm will be subject to call
during this Ann. Dom.-unless re-
stricted by injunction of some judge.
The first thing done at the last
swarm was to thank The Herald and
News for laying the order liable to OBJ
legation for column of its limited and
unadulterated space, knowing that the
editor and proprietors will never be
paid, let alone repaid, for their indul-
gence, as the sons of rest do not pay as
they pass by collectively: that being
foreign TO their domestic ideas of how
an organization should be run. They
say it is well enough for ancient orders
to pay as they 90, but are themselves
modern in this particular; and, having
a robust constitution, can ward of all
attacks on their depleted treasury.
The Herald and News preamble
having passed, the committee on SUBJ
terranean passages reported future
progress and was granted further time;
the committee on inspection o. coun-
tiers was discharged on account of near
sightedness, and the committee on
anxieties and perplexities instructed
to take its place; committee on mill
dewed clothes and sad cake, and COM
mi:tee on blind tigers of Blue Ruin,
were given an indefinite lease. On
the introduction of unfinished 5usl-
ness, the following committees were
reprimanded and continued: The COM
mittee on public superintendency Of
new buildings in process of erection,
com mittee on the state Of the moon,
committee on remorse and regrets,
and the etcetera committees. Business
was suspended here for a few minutes
to see if anything could be heard to
drop on the outside in regard to the
Newherry dispensary, as rumors had
been detected flying in the air.
The next order Of business was un-
der the head of charges preferred.
There were charges against many of
the brethren; one brother being
charged with having kissed girl
with the mumps when he had never
had it himself; another with offering to
pay for chicken when it was known
that the preceding night was propi-
tious for free transportation of live
produce; another with having moth
er who. washed her own dishes. The
case which aroused the indignation
of the members was that of the brother
charged with kissing the girl with the
mumpy jaws. This measley mouthed
son of rest was hotly scorched and a
resolution was unanimously passed
that any member hereafter found
guilty of the same offense should for
felt his mem bership. 1t was the sense
of the meeting that man should have
respect for the mumps, and not try to
divide time with it when it is clinging'
so lovingly to the object Of its devo-
| ton. Mumps is no respector of per-
sons, else it would not lay its wrinkled
hand upon the rosy cheeks of a pretty
blue, black, brown, grey, pink or
green eyed girl during the outing sea-
son when she is ever so fond of talking
| out of her mouth. Don't monkey
| with the mumps under such circum-
stances.
The other charges were satisfactorily
explained to the meeting, with the -ex-
ception Of the charge against the
brother whose mother did the wash
ing of dishes. Inasmuch as this was a
charge rejecting against the aristocra-
cy of the club, it was resolved that the
brother be allowed 80 seconds to vindi-
cate himself. The accused arose and
said: "Mr. President, congenial with
my capacity I come before you this"
[Cr:es of "timen' time."