Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-04-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

heart she can't be too good to be true.
Philadelphia Times.
The man who has nothing to boast
of usually makes up for il by Boosting
of himself GalUeston NeacS.
Every unmarried woman says she
wouldn't stand it, and every married
woman does stand it.-AtchiSon Globe.
Mr. Hownow Passee, what is
your opinion of the coming man? Miss
Passee-That he is very, very slow
What's Odd.
Il have mistaken my calling" said
young man who had deliberately pro-
voked an antagonist to show four aces.
- Washington Post.
A widow is one who has buried her
husband; grass widow is one who
has simply mislaid him.-T. Louis
Globe Democrat.
Reggie Van Harding has been ex-
PEELED from the club. Ferdie-Why?
Reggie-He was getting too beastly
bwainy.-N. y. Herald.
acknowledgements in this house
is out of place. Been having an earth
quaker Wife-rve been putting things
in order.-N T. Weekly.
"And SO YOU think heaven is like
w
YOU know Boston has improved a
great deal in the last twenty years.
Life.
Ella-What makes you think he loves
you? Did he say so? Ida-No: but
he Rugged me- That is a roundabout
way of letting me know it Brooklyn
Life.
Crummer-I see you are having the
IS
Yes, l had to attend to it. The rain
began to leak into the janitor's room.
Life.
Priscilla Cat the piano)-I Just SIM
ply dote on Bach! Her cousin (with a
far-away looN)-So do l; but it's too
late for that. Pilsener's good, though.
-Yale Record.
Higgle-Some politicians seem to
rule their followers with a rod of iron.
Spiggler-Yes, it looks that way, but
in reality it is rod of steal.-DetroH
Free Press.
Teacher am glad to see you work
ing so diligently at your writing les
son. Little Boy-Yes'm; 1 want to
get so can write my own excuses
Good News.
Il never could understand why
Henry VIII. was called Bluff King
Hail." said Watts. Il should think
man with six queens had no need to
bluff. "-IndiGnapOlts Journal.
These people," soliloquized Hard
up, who talk about letter writing be-
ing lost art should make the ac-
quaintance of the persons to whom
Are these cigars strong?" asked
the man of the cigar dealer. Are
they?" replied the latter; well, YOU
if they are. "-PhiiddeLpilid Record.
Diner-Waiter, l find l have Just
money enough to pay for the dinner,
tip for yourself. Waiter-Let me add
How does Editor Scrabbleton man
age to get such n reputation for orig
inality?" He waits till all the other
people have expressed their views and
then disagrees with them. y WdShin1-
ton Star
Woman-What a shocking coat.
Tramp-My dear madam. while i am
no great respecter of conventionalities
/ cannot bring myself to make an elab-
crate toilet until after dinner Detroit
Tribune.
Little Sadie-Oh. Uncle Harry, Miss
Brown and Mr.. Swift are in the par
lor, and she has her head on his shout
der. Uncle Harry-That's all right.
She has Il lien on him.-hate Fields
Washington.
What are Gladstone's fame and glory
to him now? Naught but 4 hollow
mockerv, in the estimation of Dr. De-
e., h.- :, . I,, =
put an absolute EN- barge on banquets?
st. Pau Globe.
Natiye-See that young man over
there? He has saved sixteen persons
from drowning. He plays the flute.
too. Visitor-O, well. 4 man who has
saved sixteen lives has a right to play
flute.-N. Y. Weekly.
When woman clinches her teeth,
shuts up her fists, and remarks in q
concentrated voice. Il wish l was that
mans wife for about five minutes" it
is mighty lucky for that man" that
she isn't.-Teras Stttin1gS.
Il see by the papers that your friend
Longwate is meeting with great sue
cess as n writer of wholesome advice
to young men," Yes, and I'm glad
of it. The poor fellow has failed in
everything else he ever tried. DE
troit Tribune.
"Here is piece of bread, poor man."
said the farmers wife to the tramp.
Thank yer. num-" Said the tramp,
"but cannot accept it of yer. My
physician says l mustn't eat anything
but beefsteak or pumpkin pie
Brooklyn Life.
Figg (reading the programme)-Six
,,,nntbs ORC SunnoSoH N ..lanSp hot wppp
the second and third acts. gg(whose
ao,, I,yo Joap o,trarad bv the avcru