Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1893-12-14

J
out any result. There is the process.
verbal in nutshell Paris Figaro.
Clara-DOn't you think he is stupid
! Maude-They say he is awfully dis
sipated
Clara-How 1 have misjudged him.
You are an expert barber, I under
stand?"
Yes, sir. Tell me what your bust
ness is and l will fashion your beard
and hair so as to suit it"
All right; go ahead l am employed
in restaurant"
Then, of course, you must have nut.
ton chop whiskers. Paris Gaulois.
Kerr-Well, the worlds fair is over
at last
Bif-Yes, thank Heavens, Now the
people who have been there will stop
advising those who have not to sell
their possessions and go.
New York Recorder: How far is
it to Worcester, mun?'
VIC uoI bOI ucTt.
Il amt no tramp, mum. I'm one O.
them Harvard students, an l bet SIT
an me return ticket on de football
match at Springfield, an de crimson
Say no more. Come in and have
dinner with us, poor fellow"
Puck: Why do you carry gum
said 4 visitor at the penitentiary to
one Of the guards
''To keep the prisoners FROM taking
liberties, ma'am,' was the reply.
She-No. [ don't prefer men who are
known to be rich.
He-How can that be?
She-They don't spend their money
as freely as men who want to be
known as rich-Truth.
New York Sun: Willie, where are
those green apples gone that were
down cellar?''
They are with the Jamaica ginger
that was in the closet"
She-And what qualities do you think
make an ideal wife.
He-EXactly those which she doesn't
Chicago Tribune: Small Boy-Want
yer satchef carrier, mister?
Elderly Traveler-Why, you're too
NV n alY
satchel as this.
Small BOy-Yes'r. Mebby you
wouldn't mind givin' me a nickel for
offerin' to kerry it.
Harper'S Bazaar: How was the pres
tidigitateur last night, Hamley?"
Wonderful! Why, actually, Paxan,
that fellow took Il dollar ont of old
Skinf1ints ear"
Hump! 1t would have been more
wonderful if he had succeeded in get
ting it out of Skinftint's pocket
Judge: Host hate to send you out
in such a clustering night as this, old
fellow.
Guest-It is raining pretty hard. /
say, couldn't you loan me your UNI
brella?
Host-Certainly and-er-I guess I'll
walk home with you myself. l really
need the exercise
Chicago Tribune: You're from Ok
lahoma, are you?" said the long-w his
kered passenger on his way to popu-
list convention. We'll, what seems to
be the situation out there?"
II couldn't find any" replied the pas
senger with the fraZzled trousers.
And there the conversation Jagged.
They talk about our statesmen-an'
the talk it never stops;
It's more exasperatin' than the
weather or the crops;
But the statesman who's the best of
ALL in wisdom and in wit,
It the kind that plainly states his
mind, an then decides to quit
Judge: She-DO you think, dear, we
shall be really and truly happy in our
married life?"
He-How can we help it, darling,
when L shall try SO hard to
be good to you? Why, it was only
yesterday that l insured my life for
$4,000 in your favor Isn't that the
best evidence that l am going to make
you happy?
She (doubtfully)-But suppose you
should live?
Puck: ''Gadsby, the evangelist who
went out west, was shot dead recent
ly"
How did it happenT"
During a camp meeting he turned
suddenly on a cowboy and asked if he
was prepared to die"
Truth: They were dining in down
town restaurant.
"You see," he explained, as he show
ed her the WishbOne, you take hold
here. Then we must both make a wish
and pull, and when it breaks the one
who has the bigger part of it will have
his or her wish granted"
But I don't know what to wish
for she protested.
ooh, you can think of something
he said
mo, [ can't" she replied, 81 can't
think of anything l want very much. y
''Well, I'll wish for YOU" he eXclaim-
ed
viii you, really?' she asked.