Waterbury evening Democrat., 1893-09-18

and his beQueSt has enabled him to do
 it all these four years since father died.
 But Henry is as different from me--from both my actual and my possible self-as ! brother could be. He is restless, law i less Bohemian unconventional in thought
 and act, mysterious, unaccountable, low
 able and genius. He can be happy
 anywhere, for he enjoys even his miser- ies. No one can help serving him, for
 no one can help liking him. For my part, though not of a gushing disposi- ton, am his willing slave whenever he
 is within reach of me, and have actu- ally pined for him during this long ab- senCe.
 As regards John, it was another mat ter. He is the eldest and as father saw fit to maintain the English prejudice of primogeniture-in fact, father always remained English to the core, though the last B years of his life were passed in America, and though he spoke of himself and thought of himself as an out and out Yankee-we were always trained to regard John as the future head of the family and in some sort of another flesh and blood than we Though a generous and very affeCtionate fellow, John was naturally overbearing and peremptory, and his position would tend to develop these traits. I respect him and something more, but care most for Henry. And l am inclined to suspect that Henry is mothers favorite, too, though she never confessed as much and is too aristocratic in her instincts to ad- init it even to herself
 Perhaps 1 would better have taken a leaf from Henry's book and have cut loose from the family homestead and set up for myself when father died. think should have done so had l been left to myself. But mother was accustomed to my ministrations, and John could hardly have dealt alone with the matters Conse- quent upon his accession. And, to confess the truth, lam indolent. lack ambition
 lack a motive. If the opportunity or the stimulus came, I like to fancy might do or be something in the world-if, for instance, instead of John had inherited Cedarcliffe and $60, 900 year. But since in order to do that both John and Henry must die before me, and unmarried. my stimulus and opportunity are not likely to come to time Heaven forbid they should!
 It is rather singular, by the way, that neither of us three boyshas ever serious ly thought of marriage. John is now 32 and getting set in his ways. For his own sake, as well as for the family's, he ought not to delay much longer. Father set his heart upon the perpetuation of the Mainwaring line ill America, and he built this great stone mansion and bought the POO acres of ground on which it stands with the purpose that it should be our homestead forever. But John does not seem to be attracted by women or to attract them. apart from the fact that he Is a millionaire. l am not a mar rying man either. Inever was so much in love with any girl as l am with my cobra. Henry is the lady's man of the fam ily. He was always cherishinga d romantic passion for somebody and had score of good chances of becoming Benedict even before he went abroad. What he may have done since know not. But he is as tickle as he k impressionable and 1 doubt whether he will ever bring him. self to the point of calling any woman his wife. What villainous mischance it would be if We were all to remain childlesS and Cedarcliffe were finally to go to some of our unknown English rel ativrs! There is Edward Forrestal, for III IIl'NItI blolIlCI. I ilt ldSl We heard of him was 20 wears ago, when he married and was going to India. He may have a dozen children by this time who would come i'll for share of our spells It would be too bad.
 Now that I have got my cobra 1 in- tend to make some experiments in snake charming. ought to succeed. for was always fond of snakes. and they never seemed inclined to harm me. l hope to discover how the effects are produced and to get at something like scientific formula for it. There must be further use for serpents than has been yet re- Vealed. Since the time of Adam they are reputed to have done much harm to the human race. but I believe that they may be rendered as benefiCent as they have hitherto been hostile Probably the ancients understood them better than we do, and the AsiatiCs are still far in ad- vance of us in that respect. But there may be something that no one has vet detected. and 1 may be destined to hit upon it. At all events it will be some thing to do and to think about, and that is what am in want of at present. 1 shall get my Indian toumril and set to work tomorrow.
 despise myself and my way of life. 1 am nothing think of nothing. do nothing-a man who has never loved, student who has made no discovery, physician who has never earned his liv- ing! People say that prescribe for SO- phie Stubbs and Mrs. Hodge and charge them no fees out of benevolence. and that refuse wealthy ? tents from pride I devote ta tifc research. But the truth Is have no sense of human brotherhood cannot breathe and hope and work with my fel- low men. T am gradually getting be nunbed cut Of existence every year. Ev- cry month finds ny scope # action and 4---..u-ISC --l--ow--c. V. -LUw Lat .-c-1 is in me the power to be great. Oh, for some torch to kindle me into blaze, and l care not whether the torch be lighted at the higher or the neither fire! sit and read the newspaper to my mother when 1 might administer laws to A nation. counsel my brother i'll the care of his es- tate when l might direct the policy of an empire. l investigate the physiology of serpents when 1 might solve and de- clare the secret of earthly immortality. I am a pygmy when 1 could be a Titan. Is this insane vanity: 1 think not. It is not that I-that my private unaided self is great, but that cannot rid myself of the conviction that was born to be the instrument through which some great result shall be accomplished. l cannot escape premonition that am destined to render the name of Mainwaring for ever famous. But such premonitions and convictions. though I cherish. I do not believe them. They are what are inmost ill me, vet laugh them to scorn. l fnow that no change will come no kindling,