davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
The ARIZONA KICKER.
The Editor Explains That the Wave
Civilization Is Rolling On.

The Editor Explains That the Wave ot
Civilization Is Rolling On.
/ SALT RIVER JoE.-The other day there
came riding up to The KICKER Office an an.
cient looking reptile who called for the edi
tor and announced himself as Salt River
Joe. Joseph was mounted on one eyed
bobtailed cayuse of the drift period, and
Joseph himself had ha'r two feet long and
buckskin suite the flavor of 50 years ago
Whats all this yere abouts'' asked Joe
as we stepped out
What yere?"
why this yere printin of a noosepaper
around yere and upsottin society and
changin things overi Durn my hide if /
didn't see a man back yere a-sittin down to
drinki And gouge my eyes if folks hain't
wearin reg'lar clothes and drinkin thar
ticker out o. glasses. And you kin call my
ole cayuse a kyote if I hain't seen wimin
folks around-reg'l lar wimin with dresses
on to 'emp'
We started to explain that the wave of
civilization was rolling on, but Joseph can
tered his old cayuse about in a circle and
yelled:
Waugh! It's got to stop! You've skeert
all the bars and wolves away and purity
nigh ruined the kentryI I've rid up from
Salt river to purtest in the interests of suf-
ferin humanity. now purceed to pur-
testt'
We began to explain that the wave of
civilization could not be stopped, when he
jumped his eritter over our hitching rack
and yelled:
Waugh! Whoopi No more buffer,
bars wolves or Injuns on the warpathi
What's goin to become of ole Arizone?''
She's going to fall into line and have
her h'ar cut and wear white shirts''
And what's goin to become of me and
my ole pards''
You'll have to come in out of the wet
He dug in the spurs and made his cayuse
buck and cavort for minute, and then
yelled:
"Waughi Neverl Stranger, purtest-
solemnly purtest! I've rid over 100 miles
to ask ye to stop fussin and foolin and let
this yere kentry remain as the Lord made it.
Your drafted ole noosepaper has made griz-
zlies skasser than gold. 1t has driv the
bufder to other pastures and the wolf to his
hole. 1t has made the Ininn behave hisself,
and hain't seen real bad man fur a var
Ar you goin to keep right On till hey to
eat butter on my bread and put reg'Iar
milk in my coffee and drink my whisky
out O. one O. them befangled glass dishes?
Stranger. ar the time a-comin when I've got
to peel off this ole buckskin, when some
blamed varmint will laugh at my h'ar.
when / may git into a place whar I've got
to take my hat off to eat and can't use my
fingers nor drink out o. the coffee potS.
That's what she's comm to, Joseph, and
it isn't SO far away neither"
"A nd with that DR uttered q yybpa1, rada
his eritter up the steps and through THE |
KICKER Office and out at the back door, |
and the last we saw of him he was making |
for the hills with tears in his eyes and his /
long locks waving in the breeze
APoLoGETIcAL-The editor of THE KICK
ER (who is ourself, the mayor of this town
who is ourself) and the territorial council |
from this district (who is
also ourselfl desires to express his regrets to
the public for the little affair which oc-
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Wanted n square Deal.

One night when Cactus Jim and Were
on guard at the corral he said:
Il was COW punchin on Bar river, Idaho,
when somebody started town jest whar
the stream mikes sharp bend. / heard a
good deal about the town, and one day got
ready and rid over thar. was sittin in a
saloon when a fellow rides up from the
north on a played out mewl. Hewas cross
eyed man and looked as if he'd bin cryin.
The feller who owned the saloon was city
marshal. and the cross eyed man calls him
ont and sez to him:
AR this a free and enlightened kentry
or nos'
8 She ar fur fact,' says the marshal as
he proudly swelled out his busum.
Kin man git squar deal in these yere
partss'
Yo' bet he KIM That what the glo-
rious nineteenth century is yere fur, TO gin
every yarnint squar' deal Stranger. call
UP the boys TO drink at yo'r expense, and
then we'll see that yo' hev dead leads OF
justice.
= Can't git justice without thats' axes
the felIer. who had stingy look about him.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
les rights maintain, unawed by infuence and unE.
oPELOUsAs, LA, SATURDAY AUGUST r. 1898

!. Not real. solid justice, sez the marshal,
not the sort that stays by yo' fur two or
three days
WAL, the feller sort O tumbles off his
ole mewl and calls up the crowd to hcker
at his expense, and he had to put down Is
big dollars to settle the bill
The case is jest this he says as he
stands up on bar1 SO that all could see
him. "A feller who was campin with me
up at Puma Greek stole my watch and dug
out. I dug arter him. I'm crossin the creek
he got mired in the quicksands. When I
overlook, him his mewl had 60. e outer sight
clean down to the saddle, but had struck
hard pan and stopped. The feller WASH t
goin down any, but he had no show to git
ashore
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
She Preferred to stand.

Take this seat, madam
The Broadway car was crowded, and a
young lady with a strikingly beautiful face
and sylphlike figure had just entered as
these words were uttered. The speaker, a
fine, manly little fellow of IS, had risen at
once and stood smiling1y in front of her,
prompt to obey the generous impulse that
had inspired him. So unusual sight IN
New York could not but awaken surprise
The passengers craned their necks Some
Uttered audibly. and a horrified look came
over the face of the fair passenger as she
Indignantly turned her back in the face O.,
the precocious youth, who straightway re
sumed his old position
He had been sitting on his fathers knee
Truth
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
His Reward.

A woman got beyond her depth, and
Charlie Knickerboeker heroically rushed
into the water and pulled her out just as
she was going down for the third time
Her husband. a large, stout man, thanked
Charlie heartily, and taking him off to one
side whispered:
You have saved the life of my wife, but
you are too much of a gentleman to accept
any reward from me. Let me give you a
piece of advice that will be valuable to you
never eat sausage in summer. I'm a
Bowery butcher, and know what I'm talk
ing about. Texas Siftings
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Not Her Fault.

An old woman who kept a village shop
and postoffice combined in remote coun
try parish was continually impressing upon
her customers the fact that she always sold
the best of everything. One day lady
walked in to purchase some stamps.
Dear me, Mrs. Fell,n she said as SHE
proceeded TO stamp her letters. Il cannot
make these stamps stick"
Il don't know why, am sure, mum, :.
replied the offended Mrs. Fell, afor ] all
ways keep the very best. .''-Tit-Bits.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
His Regret.

The two sramps had been wandering
about from back door to back door in use
less search for bite, as almost every plae.
they visited was closed for the summer
Anybody at homeSn inquired Willie.
waiting in the alley as his friend came out
Nav, was the disappointed response.
Where are theys''
Gone to the World S fair y
Willie sighed.
Brother Walker he said sadly, ..xhel.
think how this World S fair is running oua
business, almost wish Columbus hadn't
discovered America Detroit Free Press
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Explained.

An Irishman went to a lawyer with a
case, but the attorney wanted Il retainer
!. The Irishman was poor. and finally the
lawyer said he would take the case on il
contingent fee. It was settled, but the
contingent fee part of the agreement both
cred the client He confided his ignorance
to his friend Paddy. and asked for an ex
planat;on: ..An it is the meanin of a con
tingent fee yer after knowiDs Sure, I'll
tell ye A contingent fee means that if ye
lose the case the lawyer gifts nothin; if ye
win, you get nothin. Green Bag.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Very Effective.

A certain French surgeon and professor
of medicine, dissecting one of his patients
at clinic one morning, who, he asserted,
had died OF internal Inflammation, Ger
tain process of which he contended was the
cause of every disease, was unable to find a
trace Of it. He explained the circumstance
to his pupils thus:
'sMessieurs, said he, our mode OF treat
ment, as you see, was thoroughly effective
Our patient is dead, but he died -eured. -
Bulletin Medicale
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Only Mt Intervals.

A Boston housekeeper doing Paris
lately was greatly captivated by the little
white capped, white aproned baker boys
scurrying from door to door with their
trays of sugared dainties. 'tOf course, my
lad, !" said the lady when he arrived at her
own, s'you sometimes take one for yourself,
do you not?"
Il take candy. madame? Oh, no, that
would be wrong returned the little lad
surprised: II only lick 'em now and then
as I come along. n-Revue de Famille
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
FiIiaI OI,etlierlce.

Mrs. Brown (angrily Didn't caution
you not TO make noise with that horrid
tin whistle?
Little Johnny (qnite erestfallen) Why,
pa told me to.
Mrs BrownYou naughty boyi You
know very well he didn't.
Little Johnny {pertinaciously Oh, yes,
be did, NAL asked him to buy me d bi-
cycle, and he said should have to whistle
for it.-Yankee Blade
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Finished witt, Her.

II notice that you don't call on the Byngs
girls any more. Why is it,"
The last time was there asked her If
she had anything could take home and
read. and she handed me book on how to
keep house on $500 a year ndianapolis
Journal.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
The Hardest Kind.

Aunt Jane-Is the water where you live
now soft or hards
Wee Niece-I guess it's pretty hard The
girl spattered some on the lamp chimney
the other night, an it broke all TO pieces
Trademark Review.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
A. Rural Incident.

''Why don't you go to work." asked the
farmer
Cause no one won't gimme none in my
line" said the tramp. .'Fve applied to
several railroads, but they won't have me.f'
What's your ine-brakemans"
No. / make tracks, y said the tramp.
And then he made few. with the farmer
close seeond-Truth
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
tits witt, Some peepIe.

Frank, aged S, is trying TO explain to his
little sister Ethel what the soul is
You know, Ethel. your body doesn't go
to heaven-it's your soul"
Ethel-What is the soul?
Frank-Well t'sGsomething inside you
mot your heart. It's something you feel,
but can't see.
Ethel-oh, know, You mean the din
ner.-Texas Siftings
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

Before the looking glass the callow youth
OF eighteen years doth stand, with anxious
face;
Long months he's scanned his upper lip. in
sooth,
And now Of the mustache he finds trace.
AT last!" (How glad the shoutD
The hair is coming OUT
How different his emotions, though, when at
The age of fifty. he, before the glass,
Surveys his crown and realizes that
With all his care the badness shows, alas!
And that. beyond q doubt,
The hair is coming out! truth
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Society Note.

Wife lat an evening party Don't you
think. dear. that Miss Alice has something
manly about herr
Husband latter glance at the young
lady in question, who ID sitting In re-
mote corner of the room in close proximity
to a devoted admirerI perceive nothing
except the arm of that dude, Gus de Smith.
Texas Siftings
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
MOST Extraortlinarx

Mr.. Wickwire-I notice that Jules Verne
is 66 years old and has written just 66 books
Mrs. Wickwire-W We'll, that is not so
many. He only had to write at the rate of
one book a year to do that. Indianapolis
Journal
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
A Mistake.

This baby of yours seems pretty solid, 2
said Hankinson, holding Tompkins' baby
up in his arms
s'Of course he is, retorted Tompkins.
Did you think he was plated s"- Harper's
Bazaar.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
OF Course She Does.

Mrs Mcbride wish you would tell me
why Patti calls every one of her tours a
farewell toursn
Mr.. Mcbride Doesn't she fare well every
timer Detroit Free Press.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
A wide Choice.

Guard (at the Worlds fair)-I advise you
to go to your state building and make that
a sort of headquarters for receiving mail,
writing letters, resting, etc. What state
are you from?
Drummer Well-er-which state build
ing is the most comfortable?-New York
Weekly
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Copyright, 1883. by Charles B. Lewis.l

HE TOOK ME ASIDE FoR A PRIVATE TALK.
figure of hitting $4,000. Our money was
now all gone, and SO we went out and
walked up and down in the glad sunshine
and spoke to each other only at long inter
walls. When we finally parted, my friend
acted chilly and distant and left me abrupt
ly. haven't the least doubt that he had
Thought it all over and concluded | was
a banko steerer.
don't want any sympathy. / won't adj
NIT that was bunkoed. | simply met a
generous man who took me for an old
friend of his and wanted TO make me a
present True, the Bible hasn't reached
me yet, but there might have been a mis-
take in the address, or the express car
might have bsen held up. He didn't want
TO go into the lottery enterprise When ]
think Of how encouraged him and real
ize that my enthusiasm lost him $500 in
gYr y
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Too Much For Him.

Williamson We quit my barber.
Henderson-Wh hys
Williamson His first baby is beginning
to talk-Truth
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Her Time ALMOST Up.

Lady--Is Mrs. Binks at home?
Seryant-No'm
Lady-Can you tell me when she will be
at home?
Servant-As soon as she gets the parlor
busted, mum, an she's nearly finished now
Boston Globe
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Tonsorial Item.

He-Isn't Mrs. Maydupp's black hair
pretty?
Slle-I don't think it half so pretty as her
light broHn.--Texas Siftings.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Making himself Comfortable.

Wiie Ito corpulent husband Stand just
there and let me sit in the shade f Humor-
istiche BIatter
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12

hard ash, my conscience cries out that i
am a villain. If we ever meet again, l
couldn't blame him if he refused to recog-
niZe me.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
It was . Chicken Bone.

Gene here. . said the old maid TO her
false teeth; s'I have q bone to pick with
you Truth.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
How she knew.
Knew His Penchant.

Helm growing mustache
She-Se some one told me. Exchange.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12
Collection Agency.

TyOR SALE AT So PER ACRE.
IL Large Tracts OF Land TRAVERSED
BY THE TEXAS AND PACIFIC RAIL
ROAD, in the parish of st. Landry, between
heavily timbered with valuable cypress
and ash timber. Apply to the undersigned
at 0peionsas, La. TH0S H.LEWIS.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12

Subscription sl1s ayear, in advance.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12

Subscription slsk 4 year. ii advance.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12

The Milkmaid The cow butted Nh. City
man yesterday.
known how fond he was of milk punches.
Truth.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-08-12

APoLoGETIcAL.-Th editor of THE KICK
ER R(who is ourself), the mayor of this town
lwho is ourself) and the territorial council
representative from this district (who is
also ourselfl desires to express his regrets to
the public for the little affair which oc-
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1893-10-13
A BIG OPIUM SEIZURE.
1T WAS MADE EARLY THIS
MORNING.
Two Men Under Arrest but They May
Not be the Owners of the
Drug-A Mystery.

AT about I o'clock this morning
Captain Andrews and posse of police
under his command made raid on the
premises occupied by William Brash,
near the St. Louis College, and captured
forty-nine half pound tins of opium
valued at $I8 per tin. E. Devauschelle
and Isaac Cockett were arrested in con
nection with the affair and charged
with having the opium in their posses
sion.
This morning Cockett and Devau-
schelle were brought up in the Police
Court, charged with selling opium, but
further consideration of the case was
postponed until Tuesday; and now
everybody is wondering who really
owned the opium. Devauschclle has
been employed off and on as a Custom
House guard, but was discharged a
little while since. About Cockett little
is known. There seems to be no ques.
ton that the real party or parties con
cerned in this opium transaction have
not been captured. 1t is even rumored
that the whole of 1t was stolen from the
carpenter of one of the sailing vessels
regularly plying between here and San
Francisco some two or three months
since, and further developments may
be looked for at any time.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1893-10-13
A Niece of Robert Burns.

Returning past the thorn aboon the
well, 1--WE came by pleasant way to Bridge
side cottage, the home of Miss Isabella
Burns Begg, niece of the bard and his
only surviving near relative. The cot
tage is a coy structure in stone, from
whose thatched roof dormer window, bril-
liant with flowers, peeps out through the
foliage which embowers and half conceals
the tiny homelet. The trimmest of little
maids admitted us at the roadside wicket
and conducted us along path bordered by
flowers to the cottage door, where stood
Miss Begg beaming IA cordial welcome upon
the pilgrims from America. She is the
daughter and namesake of Burns youngest
and favorite sister, Isabella, who married
John Begg. We found her to be "A singu-
larly active and vivacious old lady, CHEEKY
and intelligent and manifestly pleased to
have secured appreciative auditors for her
"reminiscences of her gifted relative She is
of slender habit, has bright and winning
face and soft gray hair, and when she was
seated beneath the Burns portrait we could
see that her brilliant dark eyes are like
those on the canvas.-T. +. Wolfe in La
dies Home journal.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1893-10-13
SAMUEL M. CARTER.
His Death Occurred Yesterday After a
Long illness.

At $40 p. NJ. Samuel NJ. Garter
breathed his last after long and pain
full illness. For more than five years
Mr.. Carter has been a sufferer, and for
three years past it was not supposed
that he could live but a short time.
His mother came here in 1898 and
married Joseph o. Carter, now dead.
She was the first white woman marie d
here outside the old missionary families.
Mr.. Carter was one of five children,
Joseph o., n. A. p, Alfred and
Samuel Carter and Mrs. Levers. The
only ones who survive him are J. O.
Carter and Mrs. Levers. He leaves a
widow and seven children, as follows
Frederic w. and John Carter, Mrs.
DIN Rightly and Mrs ]. o. Young,
all of Seattle, and Alfred, Ethel and
Florence, of Honolulu.
n The funeral will take place this after.
room, at O'Clock, from the family
esidence on Nuuanu street, the ser
vices being conducted by the Rev. H.
H. Parker. The services at the grave
will be conducted by Hawaiian Lodge
No. I'll, F. & A. NJ, Andrew Brown,
worshipful master, with the usua
masonic ceremonies, the deceased hav.
ing been an honored member of that
lodge at the time of his death. a
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1893-10-13
Supreme Court Decision.

The Supreme Court has sent down a
decision which settles the cases Of All
Ping and Young Ching, plaintiffs in
error, VS.. The Provisional Government,
and the Provisional Government VS..
Tam Sing The opinion is long one,
written by Chief Justice Judd, and de
cides that under Sec. 6S of the act to
reorganize the Judiciary department
the trial on appeal of a defendant, jury
being waived, cannot be held by the
Circuit Court or Circuit Judge in vaca-
ton. The other Justices concur in the
decision. A. S. Hartwell for defend
ants, P. Neumann for Tam Sing and
the Acknowledgement for the Govern.
ment. 4,
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1893-10-13
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

Children, as well as plants, grow
mostly at night.
-Four false Messahs appeared be-
tween 1914 and 1858.
Typewriter letters are valueless as
evidence in courts.
The whole of the Hebrew alphabet
is plainly marked by groups Of stars.
There are fifty abandoned ships
floating about in the Atlantic, which
are dangerous,
One.third of the California fruit
ranches are either owned or managed
by women.
One species Of perch crawls from
one stream TO another over dry land,
and is known to climb trees.
Lightning recently struck the British
ship Oxford off Cape Hatteras and
ruined every compass on board.
At Dauphine, France, an ancient
tomb has been unearthed which con-
tanned a human skeleton a51a feet
long.
Workmen near Laredo, Texas, ex-
humed an old hint.lock musket, full
cooked, loaded and primed. The
stock was partially petriGed.
One of the East India Sultans is a
dwarf only 3 feet 10 inches, but his
name is one giant word of fifty nine
letters. Space is too valuable to print
it.
Natives OF Darkest Africa, ignorant
Of the frewater of the whites, make
their own beer out Of bananas and wine
out Of palms. They manage to ex-
tract the jags of the civilized sort on,
Iof these beverages,