The Van Buren press., 1893-05-13

9 y love 10 vi. violent, de IT.
the object of
\ my passion IS violently and completely.
despise myself for this propensity,
and have struggled against it, but to
no purpose.
When I married beautiful young
Qirl, Ave years ago, said to myself: II
now possess something Of which shall
never weary. My home, my lovely
wife, the joys Of connubial bliss-sure-
II this IL nectar. the sweetness Of which
can never surfeit.
Alas! Before year had passed even
ing hours at home were weariness
and bore. | was never satisfied un-
less pursuing round of gayety.
Change, changc-my tickle, inconstant
nature demanded constant variety and
excitement.
Then our babe came TO us, and as
hung over his cradle in the first trans
port of fathers joy, said, with con-
fdcnce: Surely this delight will en-
dure. My sweet babe will bring me a
succession OF pleasures Of which I can
not tire. Ny wife, my child; could u
man ask for more of happiness?"
The child did bring more of JOY to
my hart than anything else had ever
done. His unfolding beauty from day
70 day charmed me and held my heart
captive. Still he did not grow fast
enough to please me, and often lost
present delight through a feverish haste
for his future development. ! antici-
pated his powers with ardent impa-
thence. When he crept longed to sec
him walk; when he walked was still
looking forward to the time when he
should talk
hope l am alone in this insanely
foolish disposition-that no other is
cursed with my unholy greed for
change, for that which l have not. l
see Others happy, contented, taking
each days pleasure as it comes with
calm serenity. and / envy them. IL
must look forward. The to-day Of re-
alixation Is too tame; the beckoning
phantom Of the future ever lures me on.
This day I am looking for q shame
full death upon the scaffold. and still
my inexorable fate bids me look be-
yond- Has not to-day enough OF
horror. without looking beyond to the
hereafter? Can il he possible that
character will pursue me TO the other
WOrld-that what have been through
life shall continue to be through all
eternity? Ever seeking for change,
and never, never being satisfied? God
forbid,
Ny spiritual adviser nrges me to re-
for I well know that if had all life to
live over again should still be the
same: restless, unsatisfed, ever seeking
for something had not.
Do you ask why am here? 1t is
strange tale, and sometimes fancy it
Is all dream. Then bitter memory
brings home the truth to me. The
tale is true, and am its principal
actor.
The boy-my idol--was but little past
= year old when he sickend and died.
and my home was desolatc. In all my
anticipations Of change | had never
dreamed OF anything like this, and for
time l was crushed, stunned with the
blow. could not sob and cry out, as
other men can wheI grief takes hold of
their hesrt-strings; and too soon sought
c:,ssif:seess.ssson for my grief and loneliness
In the aggravation of my old propensi-
ty, plunging into pleasure, and con-
etantly changing from one scene to
another with reckless, unseemly haste
while Isadore sat at home and wept,
looking at me reproachfully and saying
sadly: II thonght you loved him. when
! urged her TO throw off her grief and
60 ont with me-
lmet Q face Of surprising loveliness
In my round of gayety-one which
thrilled and charmed me as Isadore's
had done when first met her: and she,
my new friend, became the object upon
which my hopes of future happiness
oentered
NY wife was now part of my past;
this radiant creature was in my future,
and my tickle nature craved the pos
neesion Of her love with an absorbing
desire al ambition which encompassed
me aSout like fog at sea. obscuring
honor. love, gratitude to the wife of
my bosom and the mother of my child:
and half unconsciously began to cal
culate what | would do II Isadore was
dead.
IL grew upon me, the hideous idea,
until it became tangible thought-an
undeyeloped picture upon the film of
my imagination which each day the
chemical process Of my inamorata's
charms developed more clearly until
began To plan that Isadore should die
Under the spell Of my infatuation, it
seemed quite innocent and right that
she should go to join our little lost one
She was q good woman. and had no
doubt for her future state; and so /
planned.
As began to be more attentive to
her (whaf race of Judases the first
arch traitor has begat), her color came
back and her tears were dried, for she
loved me. All yes, how constant wom-
en- are. Men may trample their very
heartstrings under their feet as the
swine wonld trample pearls, and yet
they viii forgive forgive.
lt was not yet clear TO me how this