St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-22

| slye was mixture of poor orthography and
bad grammar, and of course we paid no at
tentioa to it. When we started for the post
Office at noon, he incident had entirely
slipped our memory. We were walking
along Apache avenue, busy with our
thoughts, when we suddenly became con-
scious of the fact that some one was dis
| charging his pistols in the street. We had
counted u reports and were wondering
whether Bod Williams or Sam White had
broken loose again when Mr.. Wheatly, the
grocer, stepped up and informed us that our
esteemed had been shooting at as for the
last 10 minutes from Il distance of about
eight feet. We deeply regret what fol-
lowed twas the fifteenth attempt made
by him to assassinate us. and before we
could restrain ourself we picked him up and
slammed him against billboard with such
force that he remained in senseless con-
dition for two hours. While the general
verdict is that he was rightly served we
still feel pity for him and wish we hadn't
done it. Not one of the bullets had come
within two feet of us. He has fired at least
60 bullets mt US in the last two years, and
the best shot he ever made was when he
licked our hat. He can't shoot, edit play
poker, make public speech, get nominated
for office nor mix in society. His weekly
paper has no more public influence than an
empty flour sack. Why he continues to live
is an enigma to everybody. Some editors in
our place would have killed him long ago,
but we haven't the heart to even foreclose
the mortgage we hold on his office Nature
meant the coyote to fill a certain position
among the animal creation. Nature meant
our esteemed contemporary to do the same
thing among mankind, but just what sort
of place no one will ever know He may
be run over and killed by drove of mules
some day, but we shall never harm him
Nor SUCCESS Professor Birdsalrs pan
oramic lecture on Japan at the town hall
Saturday evening resulted about as we pre-
dicted when he applied to us as mayor for
his license. A large audience paid quar-
ter head, expecting to witness two or
three clog dances, couple of sand jigs and
some cannon ball exercise. Itwas also gen
orally understood that three or four good
songs would be sung, some tumbling in
dulged in and that the professor would of
fer anybody S25to stand before him for four
rounds. To the great amazement and dis
gust of the crowd he began to show pictures
of temples and pagodas and japanese houses
and to boost the Japs up the ladder for their
intellect and civilization, and as we cast an
eye around we saw that the boys could not
be held down very long We slipped back
on the stage and asked the professor to
drop Japan and whoop it up for Arizona
In view OF the popular excitement over the
question of statehood he could have raked
in big jack pot on pair of deuees. but he
wasn't the man for the occasion. He per
sisted in giving the audience Japan until
what we feared came to pass. The boys
rose up and shot the towers off his old pa
godas and stampeded the audience. The
professor got away, but left a CARLOAD of
Japanese ruins behind him. We must re-
peat that this town has it's idioms. and the
stranger who wants to please us must post |
himself in advance. We run to cattle and |
mules and mines and don't go copper on |
pagodas and temples. Japan may be a |
oangup country but we bank on Arizona
20 the last cent. We can sit still for about |
% minutes under most any sort of a lecture,
out then we demand break in the monot-
my. We don't want all songs or all jigs
,r all jokes. but proper compound. just |
Is rosin and mutton tallow and vaseIine
ire mixed together to cure a mules sore
leel. In about week more, after the boys
AVE cooled down, Professor Birdsall can
eturn and take away his japanese ruins,
md we trust that the lesson may sink deep
nto his soul aud take the stiffness out Of
lis neck