Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-09-07
IT DID NOT WORK.


teach me lesson; and TO- day missed
every lesson JUS the same as before
Good News.
BALLAST.
"Why do you lug that big cane With
you?"
"For protection. If didn't my broad
brimmed straw hat might catch breeze
and tow me into the lake by the string"
-(Chicago Record.
GREAT SCHEME.
Briggs-The thermometer in my roo m
is ninety degrees.
Griggs-Don't you want to borrow the
one in my room2 It's only eighty-six
degrees.
THE GRAMMAR CLASS.
Tcacher-". John returned the book"
In what case is book ?
Dull Boy (after long thought
case.
City Editor--You'vc got the account
OF that woman's suffrage meeting have
you9 What's that big roll of paper under
your arm?
Reporter What they said at the meet
ing.
City Editor-And that slip of paper
you are twirl!ng in your fingers?
Reporter---What they did.-[Buffalo
Courier.
DEEDS, NOT WORDS.
Along the sands with her he strays
When softly falls the summer eve,
And many tender things be says,
Which she feigns to believe.
But though the youth may press her
The periods short of loves young
dream
For him if he neglects to stand
The soda and ice cream
Il New York Press.
A SUGGESTION.
"Dear me-" cried Mr.. Barlow, on the
evening of the fireworks display, ''the
stick on our finest and largest rocket is
broken, and We can't replace it,.
There was moments silence, and
then voice from the dark piazza sug-
gested ''Use Cholly. - Harper's Ba-
gar.
AMPLY QUALIFIED.
Recruiting Officer-I'm afraid you are
not heavy enough for cavalryman. We
want men who can ride right over every
thing, if necessary.
Applicant-That's all right, Cap. I've
been New York truck driver for seven
years II Puck.
THE LANDLORDS OK WAS GoRED.
Cumback-I was guest of the Color
ado Resort Hotel which was held up
and robbed by lone bandit, not long
ago.
Stayhome--What did the landlord do
| about it?
Cumback--He roared increasingly for
two days about its being the worst breach
of professional courtesy he had ever
heard Of Puck.
ANTIDoTE FOR TRAGEDY.
Winks-Come along, old boy, I've got
two complimentary tickets for dra-
matte performance.
Jinks-Tragcdy or comedy9
Tragedy"
81 don't like tragedies. They appeal
so strongly to ones sympathics that al
ways feel blue for week"
"This one won't. You'll come home
as jolly as if you'd been to a circus. It's
by an amateur company. y New York
Weekly.
ODDS AND ENDS.
The fat man in the side-show is living
In wait for his Victims Galveston
News.
Perhaps if a pneumatic tire were put
on the dollar of the dads it would circu-
late 5etter.-[ Johnstown Democrat.
A man never discovers how hard his
lot really is until he tries to put spade
into it and make a garden.-[ Washing
ton Star
A man will get mad quicker at being
called fool than at any other term you
may use. 1t is probably because the
allegation is so easy to prove.-Chester
News.
The boarding house keeper often COM
plains of the effort it costs to get up
meal, and her boarders maintain that it
is more of an effort to get it down.
Yonkers Statesman.
Robbins-Fm just back from Chicago
and Enthusiastically, old fellow, l IN
sorry, but I'm SO tied up financially that
| can't lend you cent.-lPhiladelphia
Record
Late jewellers singing "There's no
place like home" always stop their
melody just before they get there, and
creep upstairs in their stocking feet
Boston Transcript.
The Diamond Cutting Business