Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-04-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

An unostentatious gift-A loan.-
Fun.
Mistress of the situation-The servant
girl.-Life.
Consumed with curiosity familiar
viands.-Truth.
Gets down to work-The pillow
maker.-Truth.
A man never finds how dull he is till
he tries to live by his wits.---Life.
Carver-"I'm but newer of wood"
Marine Painter-"And but drawer
of water"
She-tAre these flowers all natures"
He-"Yes, all except the price. Chi
cago Inter. Ocean.
In fight between porcupine and
bull dog recently,t The latter was severely
outpointed.-
She - Diamonds are like women's
hearts-the richest jewels in creation"
He-"And the hardest. Fun.
Ethel-"How did George like your
swan's.down boag" Maude-"He was
tickled with Newport News.
One of the times when man begins
to cry and sigh that all men are not hon
est is when he gets the wrong hat
Rams Horn.
.Well, I've been making goose of
myself" said the hen, when the eggs on
which she had been sitting hatched into
goslings.-Truth.
"Did you ever go to Bins, the tailor9"
"Yes. Got two suits from him. One
dress suit. One law suit. Very expen-
sive man ."-Waif.
1t is curious how much faster street.
car humps along when you are running
after it than when you are riding on it.
Richmond Recorder.
"Goodness me, JOHNNY What are
you crying about nowa" "'Cause
Tommy dreamed about eatin' pie last
night and didn't. Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
"why did your hired girl leave youa"
"She didn't like the extra work."
"What extra work did she have to doa"
"Collecting her wages" = Harper's
Weekly.
Merchant-"Now here is piece of
goods that speaks for itself" Uncle
Hayseed-"Well, that wouldn't suit
Mandy. She likes to do her own talk
in'."-Inter-O Ocean.
Father-"A hundred dollars for a
suit of clothesl I never paid that for
suit in my life." Son--"Well, you'll
have to begin now, father; here's the
bill. Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Bingo-"Dear, after this you
must wear dress suit down to dinner"
Bingo - 'sWhat forg" Mrs. BindR -
Sour new girl has been used to it.N-
Clothier and Furnisher.
He-''Do you love me, darlinga" She
-"Sometimes l think do; and then
again when you have that hideous, baggy
new overcoat or, doubt the strength of
my affection. ."-Tid-Bits
Trotter-"I hear that Grace Willough.
by is engaged to real live lord" Bar
ow---"Well, they claim he's alive, but
I've seen him several times and I'm
rather sceptical. "---Vogue.
.'Now we can fix him in this way"
said the lawyer. "Oh, talk is cheap"
said the client. 'Well, wait till you get
through with this and see whether talk
is cheap or not. New York Press.
"Don't you find him just as 1 repre-
sented him9" Lady Indignantly -
"No, sir. You said he was bird dog,
and he hasn't sung a note yet, and I've
had him two weeks. - Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
At the Chemistry Exam: "Which is
the best-known insulator2" The Candi-
date "a young student, pale and thin,
with bilious complexion and savage
look about himl-'Poverty, sir!"-Le
Monde Illustre.
Mother (putting the boy out of the
pantry)-"How many more times will l
have to tell you to keep out of the pre-
serve jar2' Small Boy (sobbing)-"No
more, mamma; they're all gone. DE.
troit Free Press.
Sport-"My watch loses something
every night and seldom makes it up dur
ing the day. What ails itf" Jeweler
(refectively) it is trying to
conform to the habits of its owner."-
jewelers. Weekly.
Prisoner = "Yes, your Worship,
committed the theft with which / am
charged entirely through the instigation
of my medic adviser" Magistrate
"You mean to that in carrying out
an experiment. hypnotism he sug-
gested the Grim to youa" Prisoner-s'I
don't know about that; but one thing is
certain, he told me to take something
before going to bed. ."--Agenda Prin-
temps.