The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-03-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

of usually makes up for it by boastlng
of himself. - GGlueSt0n Nea0S.
Every unmarried woman says she
wouldn't stand it, and every married |
woman does stand it.-AtcbiSon Globe.
Mr.. Hownow-Miss Passee, what is
your opinion of the coming manP Miss
Passee-That he is very, very SLOW
What's Odd.
al have mistaken my calling" said
young man who had deliberately pro-
yoked an antagonist to show four aces.
Washington Post.
A widow is one who has buried her
husband; a grass widow is one who
has simply mislaid him.-iSt. Louis
Globe Democrat.
Reggie Van Harding has been ex-
PEELED from the club. Ferdie-WhyP
Reggie-He was getting too beastly
bwainy.-N. 7. Herald.
misunderstanding in this house
is out of place. Been having an earth
quaker Wife-T've been putting things
in order.-M z. Weekly.
aAnd SO you think heaven is like
BostonP" aWell, did think so, but
you know Boston has improved
great deal in the last twenty years. -
Life.
Ella-What makes you think he loves
youp Did he say SOP Ida-No; but
he hugged me. That is roundabout
way of letting me know it.-Brooklyrs
Life.
Crummer-I see you are having the
roof of your flats mended. Landlord
Yes, l had to attend to it. The rain
began to leak into the janitor's room.
Life.
Priscilla Cat the piano)-I just SIM
ply dote on Bach! Her cousin (with
far-away look)-So do /; but it's too
late for that. Pilsener's good, though.
Yale Record.
Higgle-Some politicians seem to
rule their followers with rod of iron.
Spiggler-Yes, it looks that way, but
in reality it is rod of steal.-Detrott
Free Press.
Teacher am glad to see you work
ing SO diligently at your writing les
son. Little Boy-Yes'm; I want to
get so can write my own excuses
Good Nes0s.
81 never could understand why
Henry VIII. was called Bluff King
Hail." said Watts. 81 should think a
man with six queens had no need to
bluff. Indianapolis Journal
aThese people," soliloquized Hard
up, ewho talk about letter writing be-
ing a lost art should make the ac-
q1aintance of the persons to whom I
owe money. Buffalo Erpress.
aAre these cigars strong?" asked
- H. -
they?" replied the latter; well. you
just try to pull on one and you'll see
if they Philadelphia Record.
Diner-Waiter, find 1 have just
money enough to pay for the dinner.
but it leaves nothing in the way of a
tip for yourself. Waiter-Let me add
up the check again, sir.-N. 7. Herald.
slow does Editor Scrabbleton man
age to get such reputation for orig
inalityF" "He waits till all the other
people have expressed their views and
then disagrees with them. - Washing
ton Star.
Woman-What a shocking coat
Tramp-My dear madam, while I am
no great respecter of conventionalities
cannot bring myself to make an elab-
crate toilet until after dinner.-Detroat
Tribune.
Little Sadie-Oh, Uncle Harry, Miss
Brown and Mr. Swift are in the par,
lor, and she has her head on his shoul.
der. Uncle Harry@That's all right.
She has a lien on him. FGeld's
Washington.
What are Gladstone's fame and glory
to him nowp Naught but hollow
mockery, in the estimation of DR. De-
pew, for hasn't the &. o. m. 8 physician
put an absolute embargo on banquetsP
st. Paul Globe.
Native-See that young mar over
therep He has saved sixteen persons
from drowning. He plays the flute,
too. Visitor-O, we'll, man who has
saved sixteen lives has right to play
a 1ute.-M Y. Weekly.
When a woman clinches her teeth,
shuts up her fists, and remarks in a
concentrated voice, 81 wish was that
mans wife for about five minutes" it
is mighty lucky for "that man" that
she isn't.-TerGs S!ftissgs.
II see by the papers that your friend
Longwate is meeting with great sue
cess as writer of wholesome advice
W IOuuS u0u o6, anu L LII SIdO
of it. The poor fellow has failed in
everything else he ever tried."-De-
troit Tribune.
"Here is piece of bread, poor man,
said the farmers wife to the tramp.
THANK yer, num-" said the tramp,
"but Icannot accept it of yer. My
physician says mustn't eat anything
but beefsteak or pumpkin pie."-
Brooklyn Life.
Figg (reading the programme)-Siz
months are supposed to elapse between
the second and third acts. Fogg (whose
ears have been outraged by the excru-
ciating strains of the orchestral lis
that alp It seems a good deal longer
than that.-Bostoas Transcript.
Managerial, yes; remember You
now. You are the song-and-dance
soubrette who wishes to join my COM
pany. What is your compassP APP
plicant-f you refer to my voice, why,
it's only two octaves, but can kick
over nineteen.-Cin Cincinnati Gazette.
Mrs. Jones was telling Mrs. Smith
that her husband intended giving hel
an insurance policy. 20, that's moth
ing," replied Mrs. S. "My husband is
going to give me $1,000 bond, and
he has cut all the coupons off so that
won't have any trouble with it,
NeOpoa't Nea0s.
Visitor-Do you think it possible
that a pardon may be procured for th'
poor man? His offense was not great
and further confinement will kill him
Warden-Im afraid it is impossible
The crime he committed was not suf
fciently atrocious to interest the pub
lie in his case.-Harper' Bazar.
~John," she said, "there's nothing
that l enjoy more than reading the
last words of great men. l wonder
what your last words will be?" "Ma
riah," he replied, "the last word ii
something that I never expect tt
have" And this was the first time OF
record that he got Washington
Star.
The large-boned domestic with ;
broad, thoughtful brow answered th'
hell with a fin de steele nrOmntnPSs