Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-10-05

| 'Vf course I am, you moon.facc0
fool, and unless you unite me I'll have
your life for this"
Then our esteemed contemporary
has been right all along" sighed Mr..
Boneset. as he looked down upon his
victim. 'tOur arguments have been
founded on ignorance. and our de-
auctions have convinced no one but
ourself You are the first criminal
we have encountered in the flesh. All
our arguments were based on crimi-
nails in the abstract We have been
deceived. Our decisions have been
put to fight"
The robber cursed him high and
low and struggled with his bonds, but
Mr. Boneset continues:
"Better late than never, however.
We shall now advocate the maximum
punishment and more. You en-
tered our house to rob US Let us
see II you have anything worth TAX
ing"
He knelt down beside the man and
searched his pockets. The search
brought to light gold watch, $37 in
cash and DIAMOND pin-the pro-
ceeds OF crime committed else
where.
"Ah! This is better!" chuckled
Mr.. Boneset. "This is more money
than we have handled in three
months. We shall appropriate every
thing to our own personal benefit.
This plumber dispels any last linger-
ing doubt that necessity drove you to
crime"
For the next two minutes the
burglar INDUCED in continuous
stream Of abuse, and wound up by
uttering terrible threats of what
would happen when he got Free
III such are your Intentions" re-.
piled Mr.. BOneset after visit to his
bedroom to put away the plumber,
sit is only fair that we should re-
ciprocate the sentiment which In
spires YOU"
He picked up the broom, broke off
the handle, and for five long minutes
he pounded the burglars body from
chin to heel. The man yelled and
cursed, and rolled over and over on
the floor, and when the blows ceased
to fall, he said:
If have to live a thousand years,
I'll have your life for this"
another one of our pet theories
has been that criminals were not
vicious" replied the editor, as he sat
down to rest. I'm the last issue of
the Clarion we had half column
article on the subject. We con-
tended that, the average criminal had
neither spite nor malice, but was
simply seeking to get what the world
denied him-a living. You seem to
be thoroughly wicked man."
"You bet amp
''In our issue of two weeks ago, we
contended that the average robber
aimed to rob the rich only and only
because oppressed by capital. Were
we correct? No l see we are not
The moment you entered this house
you realized that it belonged to a
poor man. There are at least ten
men in the town worth S25, 900 each;
but you passed them all by. We
further contended that the robber
simply sought for plumber. Your &C
lions, on first arousing US, led us to
believe that failure to secure plumber
would have led you to assault u.s..
Eyes; wish had put a bullet
into your head, and gone. through
the house afterw~ rd!" growled the
man.
The editor arose and welded the
broom handle for another five min
utes, and then sat down to remark:
'About six weeks ago there was a
case OF punishment in the New Jersey
State prison, which aroused public
discussion. A convict refused to
obey orders and got the strap We
contended that few kind words
would have touched his heart and
broken his resolution, while our
esteemed contemporary argued that
he should have been punished an hour
sooner than he was 1t seems that
we were wrong in that particular
also"
'Look out for me, old mani"
growled the burglar, as he gritted his
teeth.
II see Our whole line Of reason.
ing, from start to finish, has been
wrong, though we don't propose to
admit it and give our esteemed con-
temporary an opportunity to exult.
We shall simply declare that. we have
closed the discussion for fear of weary
ing our intelligent subscribers. But
tell me, could you have found work
and lived an honest life had you so
desired?"
Work! Why, you hump-nosed
bloke, who wants work when he can
make a living without? AS for hon
esty, everybody grabs what he can
get. The only thing Pm sorry about
is that such fool as you should have
laid me by the heels in this fashion.
II was free I'd roast you at the
fire."
"We believe you would, bit you
won't get free. We can now clearly
see what an ass we have made of our
selves in arguing as we have, and"
And he rose up and applied the