The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-08-02
The Bachelor.

Not long since a country lyeeum, not a
thousand miles from Boston, discussed
this question: Rssoired, That an old
bachelor is Of no use in the world, and
that he cannot possibly be as happy rs
the married man. And it was decided
that he might as well have been lefl out
Of the scheme Of creation, and that he
must necessarily be Of all men the most
miserable.
All of which is mistake, as any Of
our bachelor friends will agree.
Why, the compensations OF an old
bachelor are mulhtudinous, if you once
stop to think Of it.
lie is a free man. He can stay out till
o'clock at the club or lodge, and if the
keyhole is lost when he gets to his board
ing place there is nobody to find fault.
II his breath smells of essence Of pep
permint or cardaman seeds nobody calls
him TO account. If he smiles on the
widow Jones or LOOKS sweet at the widow
Brown he Is all right-no exacting wife
is watching him and getting ready to ask
him, with tears in her eyes, If he is not
ashamed to look heI, the mother Of
his children and the wife Of his bosom,
in the face.
When he gets mad he can relieve his
mind By a little strong language without
being told that he is a member Of this or
that society, and that he is liable T. die
any minute and be called upon to give
an account.
He can lie abed in the morning-On
cold winter mornings-as long as be
pleases. There is no one to remind him
that it is time to get up and make the
FIRE and thaw out the pump and see if
the pipes are frozen, and shake the fur
mace, and wind up the clock, and let the
eat ont doors, and get the ice of from the
back doorstep, and take in the milk, and
put the bread card in the window.
He is not told the minute he comes
home at night that Bridget has given no.
tice, and the coal is out and the butcher
has sent his bill and it is twice as much
as it ought 10 be, and that the leak over
the dining-rOom window mus. be seen
to, and the stove lining IS cracked, and
the last barrel Of -four is too dark-eolor-
ed for anything, and there is an invita-
ton 10 kobinsOn's silver wedding and
it'll cost twenty dollars to get anything
decent in silver, and the baby appears if
she had got the measles OF mHmps, and
there must be a knob put on that cellar
door and there is a bill for ten dollars on
that life insurance policy, and the hall
lamps broken, and the Jones folks
have got a new set Of parlOr Curtains, and
Smash K Crash are selling curtains for
positively nothing.
The oil bachelor has never 70 listen 10
such speeches as these
I wish I'd never seen you. 1 might
have married twenty times better than /
did I was a fool once and everybody
knows It If 1 had only listened to my
friends If l had my days TO live over
again l wouldn't marry the best man
that ever trod shoe leather. wish Ia
been an old maid :"
lie may be little lonely sometimes,
bat then, everybody is lonely. He may
have TO sew on button now and then,
but whatof that?
There isn't man living who does not
entertain the opinion that he can do
anything better than a woman can do it,
if only he should put his mind to it, and
the bachelor has lots Of opportunities for
putting his mind TO il.
His nights are undisturbed by the so
cial idiosyneracies of collicky babies. and
he is never called upon to light out Of
bed in his bare feet and hunt around in
the dark for a paregoric bottle, or 10 kin
die a fire in the middle Of the night 10
heat onion poultiees for b4by's croupy
throat, or mustard plas.ers for baby's
windy little stomach.
He Is never expected 10 20 into costa
cies over that beautiful first TOOTH
which has At last. through untold ago
MES Of crying and kicking, and peace de-
siroying generally, ourst into existence,
and become visible 10 the naked eye.
The bachelor is, or ought to be. a hap
py man. All the unmarried ladies a1-
mire him and pity him. and want 10 make
life sweet for him, and if his bank ac-
count be 3 large one, almost any Of them
will marry him if he will make the re-
quest properly-so who would not be a
merry old bachelor?