The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1893-12-22
INJURED Jones. THAT they fairly carry us

INJURED Jones, "tnat tn6y Ialrly carry US
away.
'Ill serve the consomme," he added
to Betty, who Lad just come in with the
tureen, ''for Mrs. Van Tassel seems to be
fully occupied"
The appetizing odor of the soup caused
nine mouths to water; but, as in the case
of the oysters, six of them watered in
vain.
Where are you going, my pretty turk2"
"I'm going to dinner" she said with a smirk.
May l go with you, my turkey maid?"
Nobody axed you, sir" she said,
murmured Mr.. Jones as the big brown
bird, hot and steaming and redolent of
savory dressing, was deposited in front
of him by the maid. Betty" he con-
tinued, beginning to carve the fowl with
apparent skill. don't forget the wines.
Wine is a mocker, don't you know, but
strong drink doesn't seem to have been
raging very much around here yet. don't
you see, but-but it will be shortly. when
the Bowery is heard from"
hen MI. Jones served the Christmas
turkey in his most polite manner.
white or dark? he would ask one of
the "Ah. yes. to be sure. You
always preferred the dark meat. How
deuced stupid of me not to remembers!
Cornelius" he said as he deity removed
and divided M of the turkeys legs,
there's a drumstick for you in remem-
brance of your infancy, don't you see;
but, Corny, for heavens sake, for my
sake, don't pound out Annie Rooney
on the doilies with it'll"
"B-bah Jove! Deuced shame!" cried
MI. Girard.
Not until every person at the table
had been helped did Mr.. Jones turn his
attention to his own plate. When he
and the Bowery boys did get fairly to
work, however, turkey, cranberry sauce,
turkey dressing, wines and the m
GUS other delicacies that composed the
Van Tassels' Christmas dinner vanished
from view like a Kansas town in the
track of a cyclone.
When the three strange guests had de-
voured the turkey on their own plates,
they turned to in the most polite manner
and assisted the Van Tassels, the Girards
and the Cowles. The dinner passed off
very well. considering the circum-
stances, as Mr.. Jones afterward re-
marked.
"Those Gramercy park people, don't
you know, were rather stupid. They
didn't talk much. They ate even less.
The Bowery people, too, were no bet
ter as conversationists, but there was
nothing the matter, don't you know,
ohnJ1f thar onnnfIfnc hafa,o
saw such a demonstration of the shovel
ing capacities of the ordinary table
knife. But I amused them all, don't
you understand. I was not only after
dinner but middinner and before dinner
speaker, and told a few good stories that
I see Depew has since got hold Of"
By the time the different courses had
been served and the coffee came on in
the Dresden china after dinner cups, the
pockets of Mr.. Jones and his companions
were fairly bullying with spoons, knives
and forks. and it was evident that the
heavy movement in silver was soon to
commence. The only interruption to the
dinner occurred when, just as Mr.. Jones
was drinking Mr.. Van Tassel's coffee,
a voice with an unmistakable Bowery
accent shouted from the buffers pantry:
"Ef youse fellers don't send me out a
ham sandwish er somethin pretty dern
quick, I'll give de hull gang dead away.
See"
Mr.. Jones paid no attention to the re-
mark, however, but drank the remain
ing cups of coffee within reach, excused
himself and rose from the table. "Par-
don u.s." he said humbly as he and his
assistants relieved the gentlemen of their
watches and pocketbooks and the ladies
of their diamonds and other jewelry,
"but at Christmas time it is always bet
ter to give than to receive, don't you
know"
With profuse apologies, too, Mr.. Jones
securely gagged the Van Tassels, their
guests and the maid, and saw that they
were all firmly bound. Then Mr.. Jones
companions engineered the heavy move
ment in silverware to a carriage at the
door, leaving Jones to bid the h~ospitable
Van Tassels bon soir.
Raising the turkeys wishbone so that
all could see, he pulled it apart with his
own hands, wished them "many happy
returns Of the day" and vanished.
4 II +
Thus it was that Jack Schuyler (alias
T. Brown jones', swell clubman and
man about town, won the half forgotten
wager he had made a year previous with
Cornelius Van Tassel-that a Gramercy
park family, its guests and its servants
could be held up and robbed at dinner
and the burglars make good their escape.
Van Tassel paid the wager, but there is
a GOODNESS akin to Christmas weather
between him and 'Mr. T. Brown Jones'"
A Christmas Tree In Paris.
Opposite the church of st. Eustache is
the great market of the Halles, which
furnished the worst of the horrible mot
of fshwoInen who, 100 years ago,
swarmed Versailles to tear the queen
to pieces. On Christmas eve their lineal
and commercial successors, the present
"dames des Halles," raised among them