Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1893-10-23
IT Is LITTLE READ
But Some Persons Fad Con-
grsssionaI Record Funny.
FILLED WITH oRAT0RIcAl VII
some stories Called Fron the SILVER
DebAse--senassrisi Narns Retoid
"a Eaforcs Arguments

IL u the fashion % sheer a. the Con
kFsssional Record ss the heaviest. dali-
est and niost widely unread publication
Ia The ooaatsy. read lt regularly and
dad Il . hrst class comic story paper,
saws q writer in the NeS York kscordeF.
Allos NE TO offer you few samples 81
the droll stories bonnd up IN the Record.
SENATOR Mlii-' story.
The Hon. Roger 2 Mills vas talking
ca silseF the other day aud Toll THE one
u a pious pa.tor Who had discovered
young sister who sas becoming vain add
worldly minded. so much had she be-
come addicted 10 the ways Of the world
that she wound her rich suit Of hair
into knot and wore il as a topknot IL
vas supposed % be charming 10 the
beaax. This vanity vexed the righteous
soui a the plous man Of 1od. and be
went O. the erring sister aud told hef
she was lncurring the divine dispieasure
by sporting the topxnot, and told her
she nust desist. She was In a strait.
bat great a. xas the cross she resolved
10 bear il IL Bible authority could 10
knot. aud shs 80. Informed her minister.
lie aid: My dear sister. you come 20
church next SUNDAY and l wIll show
you the word Of the Lord specially pro
nounced against topknots- When sun
day came shs went 10 church. and after
The morning exercises we're over the
minister took his text from the chapter
10 which cur Saviour was forete.ling the
o l. lam ~
occur by the armies of the Roman EN-
peror. lie came To the verse. Let him
which is on the housetop not come down
To take anything out OF his house and
then took his text from the middle Of
the verse. top not come down"
Senator Mills said he heard that story
when ho Vas boy. tie told IL by way
@. booming his favorits brand OF bi-
metallism but that doesn't matter. The
story Is the thing.
Mr.. Grady's Deacon
Representative Benjamin r. Grady OF
North Carolina will now favor us with a
story He had rot. he said. intended to
speak az all. but only 20 lister 10 the
great men Of the house.
but | soon found myself In the con-
dition that pious old deacon up IN
Connecticut once found himself in. lie
was a very devout old gentleman. and
was distinguished for always accepting
with sublime resignation whatever Ills
the Lord saw fit to intilct upon him. He
never murmured One day a tornado
came along and tore down his fruit
trees. uprooted has yard trees and blew
I down everything in its path lie took
4 il ali with quiet submission and forti-
1 tude. After awhile he ran out 10 the
barn and tried TO save its contents from
the fury OF the Winds. but as he reached
the door a shutter swung violently
around. struck him aud knocked him
down. Picking himself up he remarked:
/ Il think il Is time for me 10 express my
sentiments
Pence aud the Ant
One Of the very drollest OF speeches
ia the whole debate was that of Mr.
/ Pence Of Coloradoridicullng Mr. Bynum
| Of Indiana for his conversion To the new
bi tAetallism which aims to restore silver
coinage by stopping II entirely. Mr..
/ Bynum. IN the campaign OK 1891, spoke
m Denver. Col. aud made red hot free
I silver speech Mr.. Pence quoted from
this great effort" Of Dir. Bynum aud
then said that he understood nov why
| Mir Cleveland go bravely boasted that
be could win over the free silver men Il
| his party 10 his own views. Brave was
| be. Mr.. Speaker. as the sluggard who
vas told to 20 10 the ant:
sWhat go To the ant, said the siuggard;
-Nha, waste OF time that would De.
/ To my picnic "A bic and sit down by my pie
And there ", the arts come TO me.
More sand. O Lord.
Representative Hatch az Missouri has
an endless fuud n good stories. Here IL
I MS contribution 20 the comicalities Of
/ the great silver debate.
at a recent convention ~ religious
( workers among railway men tho chair
man stated that the proceedings would
terminate With prayer by two railway
workers. 4 conductor and an engineer
T The conductor led of IN an earnest ap-
peal for the divine blessing. and was
I followed 10y the engineer. aman q strong
+ convictions ana great determination. aud
! possessed a moral courage % an unusual
( degree He - a. earnest aud active in
serV.ng the lord "a formerly he vas Ia
I tho service - Satan, and prayed with
great ferysncy after this manner We
are here. - Lord g. ask thy blessing on
+ thia work The obsts, les aave be.u re-
moved The locomotive is on the track.
I the water j. ia the boiler. steam ia az.
Z but q Lord. give IA more sand; u -
sand we want. sand ia gong up hiil 70
keep us from slipping, sand IN coming
F doNa hil - maze us hold What we
xant i more sand. . Lord"
story of COW Attorney.
Apropos q the many sarcastic thrusts
that have been made al members % con
gres@. Who. Ike Mr. Mills. Mr. Voorhees,
and Ar Eyuum. have turned from ultra
silver champions - unconditional re
peslers. representative Sooper 90 b ioflda
Told this goo.i story
An scguslntzncs - nine uas COW AZ.
tornef fuF a certain railroad Ills duties
c,sn-,sted 10 EoiUg around and resisting
claims Cor cattle that Nere KILLED % the
track and he aid SO very sff,ulv. ia
resorted g. all the arts that waTe xnoKa.
The usual delays snd everything e. So and
he continued ia that service Tor about
three yesfs when the railroad company
discharged hini. wbereapon be- become
q very active ard xeslous promoter =
like claims upoa The other sida pae
lay. ss he sss addressing the jury 81 =
las.ice's courtshe became very severe.
get anff uron the company. bet upon