The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-01-19
NO EXPLANATIONS FOR HER.
Results Were What She Was After, n
Matter How They Were Attained.

Results Were What She Was After. NJ
Matter How They Were Attained.
She was in distress.
The troubles of pretty woman, a:
every one knows, are always move in
teresting than those of homely, un
attractive, stupid looking woman.
This particular woman was rather
pretty. Moreover, she was young, well
dressed and on the whole exceedingly
attractive in appearance. She had
come into town from one of the suburbs
and / met her in stationery store.
She waited impatiently for the clerk,
and when he finally came to wait
upon her the cause of her distress was
apparent
Her new fountain pen refused to let
down ink. She only knew it wouldn't
work and she had taken the first train
to town to get it fixed.
you see, madam" began the sales
man in explanation.
See? / don't want to see anything.
Now for goodness sake don't try to ex-
plain anything to me- hate reasons.
| want pen can write with. Here
am wasting my time, worth at least S.,
to say nothing of the railway fare, to
come into town to sec you, all because
this pen won't write. don't know
why and | don't want to know why.
All | know is that 1t won't work. Now
Ak 1t up as soon as you can, so that
can go and not waste any more time.
That's all l ask you to do"
"But, my dear madam" began the
clerk once more, politely, didn't you
read the directions?"
Directions Directions! didn't look
to see If there were any directions. OF
course didn't read them. don't want
to know how to keep your pens in order.
They are supposed to be all right when
you sell them. | haven't asked you
what the matter is l simply want you
to fix the PEN"
The salesman looked It over and said
there was nothing the matter Then
he filed it with ink and gave it to her
to write with.
Now, that's funny. 1t wouldn't
write for me. The next time it's out OF
order I'll bring it right down here
again"
You see the reason that you can't
"Reason! Who asked for a reason?
l told you l didn't want to know the
reason. If there is one thing above
another that | despise it's reasons.
When my cook asked me how | pre-.
ferred the bread made, whether wanted
it set at night or the next morning,
told her didn't care how she set it OF
where, whether she made it at mid
night on the dark side of the moon and
stirred it up with rabbits paw
didn't care so long as she didn't bother
me-or whether she baked it from Sun
day to Tuesday. All wanted was to
have good bread. Now, whatever you
do, don't explain things to me. Then
there's my doctor He asked me if my
him that | didn't know; that was his
business. didn't care whether it was
hereditary or incipient insanity. All
wanted was to have him cure me. Ii
the pen all right now?" she asked, as
the salesman proceeded to wrap it up.
"As started to explain, madam, you
will have To-"
There you go again! l don't want
you to explain. What do you think
ana machinist or an examiner OF
patents? All want is that pen fixed
so that can write with it. Now if
had button on the wall of my room
that | had only to touch in order to
make it print exactly what | wanted tC
write, in another room down stairs
shouldn't want to know how it was
done. ] don't care how. It's results
Pm looking for. hate this everlasting
explaining. There are people that are
I forever saying that Il certain thing has
, happened because of something else.
What difference does it make anyway,
and what do | carer
'But what do you expect of a per
, that"
Expect? didn't expect anything,
retorted the fair customer, getting rec
in the face. "IIcre you advertised &
fountain pen and you are trying to
make a dupe Of me-"
eff you will be kind enough, madam
to let me tell you that you have to fill
the pen with ink before you can use it
and unscrew the top
Fill it with ink before / use iii
Take off the top? Waste my time
worth three dollars an hour, tinkering
with self-regulating, adjustable
pneumatic, back-sliding. levered AFFAIR."
Well, | guess not. My prophetic soul
I'll use lead pencils the rest of my life
or carry around a bottle of ink to the
end of time before I'll touch one OF
those things again. | always did hate
complications and the little woman
slapped the pen down on the counter
and swept out of the door.
And stood there few minutes woR
dering how long the patience Of I
clerk would have lasted in this 90
discussion If this particular woPd ,,on'
been homely and middle-ageg~aLa
orally unattractive. IN. Y.
The Earth's sr|do"'
| " earth ever seen