The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-08-31
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

L
After the Honeymoon. She Sweet
| ly)-''What would living be without
me?" He (gloomily)-'Cheaper."-
| Tit-Bits.
The photograph of boy never
| looks like him, because no one ever
saw boy as clean as he is in photo
| graph.-Atchison Globe.
| Keeping Time. -Watcher-"Does
that clock l sold you keep time?" Bire
1T does. indeed. 1t has been stopped
| ever since got t''-Detroit Free PRESS.
Horse Dealer-'I always pick my
customers Friend-''Do you. l was
| told that you skinned them. Brook
Ign Life.
-''Soled out" he murmured to him
self, as the father of his best girl gave
him lift at 2 clock in the morning.
Burlington Press.
-He-"An Irishman drowned here
last night" She-''How sad! Was he
| Cork man?" He-''Cork man? No.
How could Cork man drown?"-Judy.
-Professor-''Tell me, sir, why it is
you smile so persistently?' Candidate
You ask such ticklish questions,
Herr Professor. "-Dorfbarbier.
"A Mixing of Genders Visitor lin
dime museum)-"And is the bearded
lady your mother?" Infant Phenome-
non-"Nixy; she's me ladder. Chi
| cago Record.
-Arthur-"And do you really love
me. PETE" Mabel-"If didn't do you
suppose | could possibly endure hear
ip,r l. hat Sil1v ppngfina fhi-fu
times day. "-Somerville Journal.
-Raggs-'' Hello, pard, did you see
ghost in your dreams?'' Taggs-
Worse; | thought I'd just finished a
good, square meal" whats bad
about that?' Bad l thought I'd
worked to get it."-Inter Ocean.
"A little girl, while lisping her
prayer at her mothers knee before re-
firing. stopped in the midst of her de-
votions and said: so, Lord, please
wait minute until scratch my toe"
N. Y. News
Papa. what is a king?" ga king,
my son, is a person whose authority is
practically unlimited, whose word is
law, and whom everybody must obey"
Papa, is mamma king?''-Free
Lance.
Miss Summit-''I hear that your
father has sold his yacht" Miss Pali-
sade-"Yes, be couldn't afford to keep
it, Miss Summit-''Then the report
that you are going to be married isn't
true?"-Vogue.
I'm sure we shall be on good
TERMS said the man who had just
,,,nuaI into ha nairb h0rhn0d 70 hn
corner grocer. mo doubt of it, sir.
Especially" he added as an after
thought, eff the terms are CASH
Washington Star.
The johnson Family Visit the
Great White City.-Paterfamilias len
tering the gate at the head of the pro-
cession)-''Great Ian, Gloriah! I'd
giben dat spotted mule OBJ mine for the
contrac oh whitewashin' dis yer
placer'-Harper's Weekly.
They say Printems new story
paper has taken like wildfre among
the women" Eyes; result of one of
Printem's little schemes" ''How's
that?" HE publishes the last chapter
of each serial first. '-Buffalo Courier.
-He-''Well, what have you there?'
She-"Two of your old letters, my
dear" He-'Umph. What's the first
one--that forty-pager?' She-'One you
sent me when had a slight cold before
we We're married. This half-page is
the one you wrote last winter when l
was very i'll with the influenza. That's
all, dear. "-Tit-Bits.
Wife Ito servant girD-"Here, Lima,
take this postcard and put it into the
pillarbox." Surely, my
dear, you cannot think of letting the
poor girl run down three flights of
stairs and up again for the sake of
postcard! Lima, just fetch me pint
of beer at the same time '-Fliegende
Batter.