Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-01-05
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
lNGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes ana Jokslets that Are Supposed to
Have Been Recently Born Sayings and
DOings that Are ODD. Curious and
Laughable.
Scissored Smiles.

Scissored Smiles.
THE more liquid man puts down
his throat the less chance there seems
to be of drowning his vOice.-YOnkers
Statesman.
SOME men are born wealthy;
Some men are born great;
But all men are kicking
Forever at fate
IT is running to extremes when
prediction that the comet was going
to make it hot for us is followed by a
snow storm. Washington Star.
LITERARY AUNT-Are you fond OF
Crabbe's tales, Edna? Edna don't
know, auntv. I've never eaten them.
but I love the meat in Holsters legs.
Truth.
The Maiden-"Then you find mar
ried life happy?" The Wife-"Yes;,
but then / seldom see my husband,
you know" -Smith, Gray & Co. s
Monthly.
DUKANE-I believe the physician
is right who said cholera is a crime.
Gaswell-That accounts for the effort
being made to arrest it.-Pittsburg
Chronicle.
SATAN-Where does this arrival
hail from? Charon-New York.
Satan-Boil him in oil. We can't
afford to catch the cholera.-New
York Herald
DAUBE-Now, Miss Hunter, please
look pleasant; that's it--keep that,
for moment until / catch it. There!
now you may resume your natural
expression, if you wish.
MoTHER-"Dear me, are you
through shopping? How did you
manage to get back so soon?"
Daughter "a bright girD-"I told
them to send the change home with
the goods. street & Smiths Good
News.
OLD LADY Geading report of pub
lie dinner)-"Some of these were
drunk standing" Think of that
Elizer Jane; SO drunk they couldn't,
sit down! They must be what them
papers call people who stand well in
society" Princeton Tiger.
HE-"The architecture of Europe
would interest me most" She (Da-
kota belle, expatiating on her travels)
Eyes, everything is so quaint" He
How did the cathedral of Cologne
impress your" She-"Oh, Of course
that was too sweet for anything
Thomas Cat.
THAT man Blobbs is a lucky dog"
"And why?" "He was going through
a tannery the other day and fell into
a vat" II don't call that luck"
"But he had on his light summer suit,
and when they pulled him out it was
dyed a beautiful black and he WON'T
have to buy any winter clothes. >
Buffalo Express.
JIMMY, volts an anarchist" "A
anarchist is Teller wot takes volts
your'n an keeps wot isn't his'n; &C.
cordin' to them if | was ter take
ev'ry apple an peach from that stand
yonder it'd be all right, cause that
Eyetalian can't eat 'em, and I'd have:
perfect right to 'em!"-"Jimmy,,
let's be anarchists."-Life
MIRANDA, when my boy first went.
to college they called him moss
back, and now | see by this paper
they're CALM him full-back. ;"
"Can our boy be drinkin', Cyrus?" II
don't know, but I'll pack my grip
and go right on, and if he is he'll be-
a called back quicker than creased
lightnin'"- Pittsburg Dispatch.
PHYsICIAN-"The best thing we.
can do is to find healthier Locations
for our hospital" Hospital Manager
IF all your colleagues were like you
the best thing we could do would be
to shut up our hospital altogether D.
Physician - ooh, you COMPILING mt,
me-" Hospital Manager-"Yes, for
then we could start second cemc-
terry. Exchange.
TEACHER-"I have told you Of
Louis Kossuth and what he did I
have also just said that he recently
received a congratulatory address
from the Hungarian diet. Now, who
can tell me what the Hungarian diet
isl" Little Boy formerly of Halle
ton, Pa. Most anything that they
can lay their hands on. Street &
Smiths Good News.