The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-03-29

money is the bullion in the Treasury.
Philadelphia Record.
Now and then you hear of a charita-
BILE coal dealer, but he is not likely to
90 very much out of his weigh to be
so.-7eras Syttngs.
Money talks" said Parvey New,
pompously. "Very true" was the re-
ply. "But it doesn't always think be-
fore it speaks. - Washington Star.
Examiner-W What is the best insula-
torp Applicant don't know what is
the best insulator, but as an isolator
poverty is hard to beat.-IerGS Sift-
sngs.
First Citizen-How is sit thatso many
Englishmen fight shy of home rule?
Second ditto-I fancy it is because
it begins with the letter h.-Bosto7s
Herald.
Priest-Well, Biddy SO Pat has been
fighting again, see. Biddy Malone
-Begorra, yer reverence, it's himself
that's niver at pace widout he's foight-
in'-Fun.
@Hello!" he said. facetiously, "the
moon has reformed. 1t isn't full"
no." replied his wife, "but money APP
pears to be as tight as usual. - Wash
sngton Star.
There is something wrong with
state of affairs under which whenever
the mercury starts for zero the price
of coal sets out for 80 in the shade
Washington Star.
She-I made great mistake in mar
rying you to reform you. He-Why,
I'm changed man! She--But your
faults are the only things of interest
about you.-LJe.
Little Johnny-May I hitch the
dog to my sled and have him pull mep
Mother-I'm afraid he'll bite you. Lit
tie Johnny-It's the other end I'm GO
ing to hitch Good Nea0s.
Miss Elderbody-I met Mr.. Blake
at the reception last evening. Miss
Pert-Yes, he told me saw you. He
said it was such pleasure to meet an
old face in such crowd Boston Tran
script.
She-Mr Sinnix, you ought to be
ashamed to say so many mean things
about us women. l cannot imagine
where you get your ideas. He-From
other women mostly. = Indianapolis
Journal.
Floor Walker-We've discovered
shoplifter and sent for. the police.
Proprietor-Why do you act so hur-
.riedly? Floor Walker-Her husband
isn't quoted in Bradstreet's.-Det
Tribune.
First Landed Proprietor-Do you
have good police protection out your
way? Second Landed Proprietor-Do
weP Well, rather. We have the pret-
tiest hired girl in the city.-Detroit
Free Press.
Physician = Considering the weak
state of your eyes it will be as well if
you gaze as much as possible into
empty space. Patient-All right, then
I'll keep looking into my purse
Blztn1e3ltese.
Why does Mrs. Minton Wor-
cester invariably wear white this sea-
that her So, 900 vase was broken? And
white. you know, is the mourning
co1or-for China Vogue.
Manager-What did you think of
the stage effects of the new play? Mr..
Parquet- rim was too large and
the bows and feathers were too high,
but the pink velvet and jeweied pins
were pretty-Vogwe
The Rev. Professionally (pastor of
the Church of Good Society)-We viii
all be equal in the other world Mrs.
De Fashion (haughtily rising) We'll,
if that's the case II won't = die!-
Des Motpes Argonaut.
Lady (engaging cook)- you un-
derstand French ccokeryp lrishwom-
an-O, yis, mum, Oh understand all
about furrin cookery. Oi can cook
French beans, an Spanish onions, an
Jerusalem enthusiastically
"Whet n it would be better to live
with slovenly, good-natured wife, or
a tidy, scolding wife," was the ques-
tion debated in a Washington county
lyceum. The question was carried in
favor of the slack woman.-LeactStols
Journal.
New Boy-There's man outside as
acts as if he owned the place. Agent
Tell hin I'm out Later. What
did he say? New Boy-That if you
couldn't stay here and attend to busi-
ness he would get an agent that would.
m Y San.
Rooney-Say, Pat, ye're bit of
schollard; kin ye tell me who it was
ordered the sun to sntand still? Noon
an dunno. Some son of a gun of a
contrhracter who wanted to get a
big days work out of the laborin' man,
ye kin bet.-Puck.
Watts-This gold famine looks as if
it might become serious. Lushforth-
Eat so? 'Tsettles it. Twas thinkin' bout
'takin' go (hic) gold cure, but won't
do anything to decrease supply. Pa
tritism fore psrs'n'l in'trest. every
Indianapolis Journal.
Hennessey-Poor Doc is terrible
drunkard. Pepper-Yes; and yet he
has done great deal of good in the
world. Hennessey-How? Pepper
Almost every time he gets drunk he
swears off with some one, and now
and then one of the fellows he swears
off with keeps his pledge.-Puck.
She had returned from long visit
to Boston, and the other evening was
taking leave of her very best fellow at
the door, when the old gentleman up
stairs heard a sound that vividly re-
called the halcyon days of his own
courtship. "Were you kissing that
fellow good-byP" he roared with pa
ternal directness. EWhy; papa! Kiss
ing? was merely giving corporeal
expression to a psychfcal feeling.
You were, hey? Been to Boston
haven't youP Next time l catch you
giving that kind of eorporeal express
sion,to psychieal feeling I'll produce
an excitation of your sensoium with
my razor strop. Understand? Now
put out that hall gas and go to bed. -
Detroit Free Press.