The morning call., 1893-03-13
TWO BITS SHORT.
General MaybeII's Queer
Church Service.
HOW POLITICS JOINS RELIGION
One Kingdom at Hand Is Worth
Eleven Kingdoms in the Very
Uncertain Hereafter.

"Oh, the seoffers who can laugh at this
new revelation general Stephen Maybell
of the Kingdom at Hand shouted last night
when mirih got the better of reverence IN
his audience, and Mrs. General Maybe!l
seconded this protest with frown, which
did not at all become her otherwise rather
pretty features
But 1t was the captain of the Kingdom.
he with the bald head, who yelled "Amen"
and became indignant at the unseemly
hilarity.
lie never for a moment considered that
the performance in the little church on
Eleventh street, where the general held his
inaugural service in the presence of rs
many people as could find seats, was funny.
10 the captain every thing was downright
earnest. and whatever his share OF the pro-
ceeds of this new heavenly scheme is he
deserves every cent Of it, for there is no
mistake about his zeal and devotion to the
cause.
The general. sadly in need OF a haircut
ana wearing long surtnut and having his
vest adorned with car conductors gilt but
tons to look military. presided.
Mrs. General played the organ.
she wore poke bonnet with a rim so
high that it would create a riot in the dress
circle of a theater.
Besides this she also wore a seraphic
smile and plain black garments.
Ihe domestic relations between the gen.
eral and his better half are evidently har-
mOniouS because they seemed TO get along
first rate together and the Kingdoms COM
mander frequently turned around and con-
sulted the wishes of the seraph on the organ
stool when lie got a little mixed up in his
discourse.
This harmony. however was painfully
absent during the singing of hymns, for
somehow the general always started up
wrong and Mrs. lybell had TO do it all over
again In order TO save the musical reputa-
ton OF the monarchy.
We will have 10 combine religion with
politics and take the truth up to the State
capital, the general said during his
harangue, and no sooner had the captain
put his customary amen than some one
turned TO the wall tablet hanging over the
pulpit which bore in German text the words
our Word is the Truth
The Salvation Army is all right" the
general declared later on, 'but it deals too
much n fuiurities
What we want is kingdom right here
today. this hour; yes, this very minute.
"a kingdom AT hand is worth eleven in the
dim and distant hereafter
And SO he talked Op, waving his arms
frantically and working his whole body as
If engaged i'll caliSthenic exercises.
Grammar, rhetoric or connection OF sem
fences ala not bother the general in the
least, and he frequently referred to ''the
man who has went" and ''tne man who has
came, never paying any attention to the
smiles with which such blunders were re-
ceiYed.
Somehow or other the genei al does not
Ike the anarchists and socialists. and he
took occasion to 1eLounce them with all
his might as enemies of religion.
ou can get 2000 of them into hall,
and you will find that no two Of them are of
the same mind, )" he put it.
UnconSciously humorous, decidedly
unique and horribly ungrammatical was
the generals sermon, but when he got
down TO business aud told the captain to
pass around the hat for contributions. he
proved himself equal to the occasion.
"How much money have you got in that
hat, captain ?" he asked.
''Ninety-fve cents. sir, and piece II tin."
was the reply.
Il hOf nobGdy viii leave before we get
cents more" pleaded the representative of
the kingdom al hand, as about half dozen
people disappeared through the doorway.
An, here Is that other nickel, sir" irium-
phantly shouted the ca tain. having taken
4 scent piece an old lady had taken out of
her purse 10 pay her car-fare home
But now we want 10 cents more to pay
our rent for this church." General Maybeil
announced. eombing his long locks with his
fingers Who will give this dme?"
Here 1t Is. some one replied from
back seat. and the captain nearly broke his
neck in his haste to collect the coin
Very good, very good" calculated the
general and holding UP both hands be asked
with beseeching voice for just two bits
more.
"a quarter of dollar more will do the
business he said, but. alas for human de-
prRviiy. everybody made for the door when
this last assessment was levied. and that
quarter which was to fill the cup of the gen.
erals happiness never was donated at all.
SO ended the first service in the Peoples
Church presided over by General and Mrs
Stephen Maybell. and hereafter, if the con-
| tributions hold out, similar entertainments Is
VIII be held in The same place every SUM-
day.