The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1893-06-22
A pARKEY,S IDEAL WEE.
nidn't Amount to Much Himself but Knew
what Sort of a Better Half He Needed.

Y ~
what Sort of a Better Half He Needed.
"IIaz yer got any stomped antelopes
| fur sale here, boss?"
"Stomped what?" said the astonished
| proprietor of the country store.
''Stomped antelopes, dat yer put er
letter in, an SEN it to de pos office. l
promise Florinda gwine write her err
letter, an boun' ter keep my word"
"Yes, have plenty of those, but who
is Florinda?"
'She's my wife, boss or least ways
when get my crap laid by l low ter
git err license, an gin her dat entitle-
ment. Ever sense had de Ter grip las
winter, an de Ter manrial fever in de
summer time, Tze had err misery in my
chist. an been kin'er poly, thank God,
an need somebody to take keer er me.
so dun 'cided ter git married.
"Dis comm spring Florinda Jane kin
holp me powerful in de crap. She's ez
likely err han ez ever you seed in er
cotton patch, en- Square Thomas SEE eff
II marr;es her dat he gwine sell me er
Ian ter bull err house on. Dat he kno'
kin pay for it den.
81 kinder no count en- trifin like, but
Florinda she kno' how ter make buckle
an tongue meet, she do, Gaze dun seed
her tried. She been married twist
afore dis, do she's er young oman yit;
but she's bin powerful misfortunate.
Her fust husban got woun' up in err
cotton screw, en- wuz mongreled ter
PeANhf, and fore she done mo'nin' fur
rim, her secon' husban' got sont up fur
eight years fur hog stealth an udder
devilment. It's wilder woman dat
gwine marry, yer see"
"But what will you do when her sec
ond husband serves his term and comes
home?H
"Well, | dun ranged fur dat, boss, |
moight be glad ter gin her up when dat
time comes, an eff SO, | JUS turn her
ober ter him. But eff she amt sicl<ly,
an fin her err likely oman ter live
wild, den fore dat time comes kin
buy enforcement doc<erments. | dun
'quired inter de natter, an thirty dol
lars will pay fur all de papers an de
Flyers throwed in. Florinda Jane got
her bedstead, an chist, an four split
bottom cheers, an er bolster, an
feather bed, an truck err dat kin, dat
IL wuth mo- en- de papers will cost. 1t
won't be no 'spense ter me, an puffic
ly willin' eff she suits, ter spen it on
her. don't low ter get married wild
out it's costin' me sumpen. | already
gin her er gagement ring, wild err
green glass setfn it, an low ter buy
her er pair err year hobs fur err bridal
present. Yes, sir, want her saterfied,
Gaze ] dunno what she wants wild me
no how, fur | amt no likely shakes no
er niger. / s'pose it wuz de ginger
cake color dat tuck her fancy, dat
disinherited frum my deceasted mud
der dat's dead-caze Florinda. she's
jest ez dark complicated an shiny ez
yore boots. But she suits me to err T.
81 want somebody ter patch an
men fur me, an cook my victuals
done, an she kin fill de bill. Ef she
JUS do her part an mine erbout de
house an raise de chickens an de pigs
an de gyardin' truck, an do de coolxin'
an de washin', an splittin' up de
wood an totin' de water, an comb nv
mar on Sundays, an work in de fier
Mondays and every udder day when
the crap IL in de grass, an when it's
got to be gethered I'll do my part.
Dey Amt nuthin' mean nor low lifeted
erbout me. ulster b'long ter quality,
l did, an kno's how ter treat err wife,
I do"
"You do, hey? "well, what's your
part?"
my part IL alters ter have in err de-
cent an 'specterble manner nebber
spects ter beat my wife, less she's
powerful aggervatin', nor let no udder
niger do it. | gwine buy her err
calico coat an err pair shoes an Miss
Malviny's ole hat twist err year, an let
her sing jess ez loud in de meetin' ez
she wants ter Den | gwine let her
ten all de funerals dat comes on Sun
day an sit up wild de sick an eat at de
fus table wild me, an what oman,
white or black, could spec mo'en dat"
Yes sir; my wife gwine have er
good easy time, eff she's err wuckin'
niger. But eff she's no count an
tritiin' like me gwine gin her her
wall<in' papers an git ernudder |
can't s'pote two no count niggers. But
don't comprehend no trouble wild Flo
rinda Jane, Gaze she's err wicker frum
way back. Course, dun tole her all
day erbout
Roses red an violets blue,
'Lasses sweet and so IL you,
en- bout
My lub fur you shall ebber flow
Like wa er down err later row,
but dun tole her besides what gwine
marry her fur, an she knows | cont
stan no foolishness But Florinda Jane
she's err likely young gal, she IL, an I
amt er feared ter buy her er license, l
aim,
Boss, hates ter trouble yer, but I'd
be much erbleeged eff you would put
DIS letter in de stomped antelope an
back it ter Miss Florinda Jane White
side, err Widder Oman. kear er her
Brudder-in-law, de Foreman in de Brick
Yard, Frog Level Alabama. N. y.
Herald.
Fought a Duel In Balloons.
One of the most remarkable duels
ever fought, perhaps, took place in 1908
between two Frenchmen. OF course