Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1893-09-28
staME QUEER EXCUSES.
Funny Sayings and DoinRs Remembered
by Court officials.


by Court omcials.
In case before the magistrates
in which a man was charged with
threatening his wife with carving
knife, the defendant, to the amuso-
ment of the court, said, The ought
to have taken the advice given by
old Weller, ito beware of the vidders.
That was all he had to say in his de-
fonce. He was reminded by the
bench that his recollection of that
advice would not avail him much If
he broke the law by threatening his
wife, and he was bound over to keep
the peace.
Intoxication is often pleaded by
prisoners in their defense, coupled
at times with very odd excuses. An
lrishman not long since was sum
moned before a bench of county
magistrates for being drunk and dis
orderly.
"Do you know what brought you
herew was the question put to him.
"Faix, yer honor, two policemen,
replied the prisoner.
Had not drink something to do
with bringing you here?" said the
magistrate, frowning.
"Sortinly," answered Paddy. They
were both drunk.
The inebriate, who, on being re-
preached for not leading regular
life, denied the charge by saying che
returned homo every night intoxi-
Gated, was scarcely so ingenious in
his defense as the Scotchman in the
following:
"Hullo, James, tipsy as usual.
What in the world has set you on the
spree now?"
"Ah, We mamma be harsh, governor
did We no hear my grand whistling
canary was dead9"
Stupid fellow! leaving your work
and getting drunk for the death of a
bird. Don't you know man should
look on such incidents as trilesPn
$50 do, governor, SO | do, man;
but if we wanted spree yersol, ye
would be glad of my ony handle to
TUNE the crane vii
Legal annals could furnish many
instances of quite as queer excuses
pleaded by the accused, as the follow
ing: The widow of French chemist,
famous for his researches in toxicol-
ogy, was on trial for poisoning her
husband. 1t was proved that arsenic
was the medium employed.
why did You use that poison?"
asked the presiding magistrate.
because, sobbed the culprit, 'it
was the one he liked best j"
man accused of appropriating a
pair of boots explained that his in
tentions were far from stealing them.
The reason he continued wearing
them was that he had not enough
money to buy another pair, and when
he had drawn his next wages
he would most certainly have
bought new pair and taken
them back. " The defense was not
considered satisfactory and he wa:
committed for trial.
There is Yankee smack about
the following; The clerk of court
babe the witness give his name ant
hold up his hand to be sworn. He
took the oath with such dignifiet
composure that every one felt tina
there stood before them q calm, self
controlled, truthful man, whose evi
Hence would go far to convince thu
minds of the jurors in this sensation
al case There was distinct mur
muir as the people settled tEemselve
, to listen to his testimony.
snow, SIR said the judge, "tel
the jury what you know about TIN
matter"
II don't know anything about it,
replied the witness blandly.
: Then may ask you why you hat
yourself summoned as witness?"
$50 as to get good sight of tn
prisoner and the court Ticket
weren't to be had for love or money.