The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1893-03-03
IT BEAT THE GOLD CURE.
A DRUNKARD'S REFORMATION
AND HOW IT GAME ABOUT.

Back to Life Just IN Time to Spoil a.
Nicely Arranged Funeral - Sally
AIMS Famous Punches-They " ere
Excellent, But Two Were Enough
for Joe.
From the Philadelphia Times.
One Of the most wretched and worthless
characters Of Bucks county was Joseph
Hawkins, who lived short distance from
Doylestown, and who, until the beginning
of the present year had not drawn a sober
breath since that beautiful May morning in
1868 when be returned home from the war.
Since the advent of the new year Joe has
undergone moral and physical transform
alton. How it happened will be seen by the
account given by his wife yesterday morn
ing to q friend she met at Doylestowu.
81 suppose you have heard of Joe's great
change7"
Yes, l have heard it spoken of, and am
ever go glad, both for your sake and his
own. Tell me how it was brought about. ="
''You remember how it rained on New
Years day. Well. Joe left home early on
Saturday afternoon, the last day of the
year, and never came back till it was bed
time on that Sunday night. He had, Of
course, been drinking and was soaking wet
and literally covered with mud from head
TO foot. had gone to bed and left the door
unlocked, as usual. You should have seen
himl never saw any one in a worse con-
dition, and had it not been for bis terrible
growing and cursing while getting
upstairs, would not have recognized him
when he came into the room. When
l saw that he was so covered with mud,
picked up the hickory club that [ keep in
the room and drove him out l gave him
a pretty heavy tap on the head with the
club, and he went staggering to the stairs,
when he fell and rolled to the bottom. l
was 30 provoked that left him lying there
till morning, When l went downstairs
there he was, jammed all in a heap in the
corner. l had to climb over him and then
run out TO get my neighbor John Wagner
TO help get him into the Kitchen.
when Mr.. Wagner saw him he said ::
why, Mrs. Hawkins, l think Joe's done
for this time. poor fellow; he has had a ter
rible fall See what lump he has on his
head
I'VE got him into the kitchen, where we
stretched him out on the floor, and then
laid him on the settee. Mr.. Wagner said
he would 90 for an undertaken, there would
be no use going for a doctor.
81 was awfully frightened, but was glad
Mr.. Wagner said the lump.on Joe's head
was caused by the steps, and the first thing
to run upstairs and get that club and hide
it. l climbed up in the loft and let it drop
down between the laths of
one Of the partitions and
felt pretty sure nobody would ever think of
looking there for it, l was worse fright
eued though after put the scuttle cover in
its place, and in stepping down from the
stsir-rail on which | had stood, stepped in
the center of the cane seat of the chair, and
m rla
over went the chair and, do you know, |
rolled over and clear down Go the bottom
of the steps with that chair sticking to my
foot. How l escaped being hurt will always
be mystery to me as long as l live.
just as 1 managed to get my foot
loosened from the chair heard a knock at
the front door, When l went to the window
and looked out and l saw Mr.. Wagner and
the undertaken carrying an ice box from
the wagon to the house. | never felt so bad
in my life and the only way could get any
relief to my feelings was to cry. [ cried
more from the thought that was a MUIR
deress than from any pity had for Joe, for
you know what have suffered through his
carpyiugs on.
"When opened the door the undertaken
removed his high hat and took large white
handkerchief from it and began wiping his
nose and eyes said:
" My poor woman, this is indeed sad sad,
case. Boo, hoo, hoo, how do feel for you.
Boo hoo. hoo. It's 30 sad, SO sad. Boo,
hoo. hoo
II couldn't stand it no longer and I said:
'That'l do, Mr. Hood. don't want any of
your tears
with that heput the handkerchief back
in his hat and SAID: Very we'll, Mrs Haw-
kins. Some people prefer them. We will
now proceed to the work in hand
"They carried the ice box back into the
kitchen where Joe was lying and laid it
down on the floor beside the settee, and
then began to take Joe's muddy clothes off
preparatory to putting his body In the box
The undertaken took hold Of him
back of the head, and while raising
him up said: Mr.. Wagner, this is a
case for the coroner. There'H have to be
an inquest. He had hardly finished the
sentence when Joe opened his eyes and, sit
ting up, looked around the room, and on
seeing the undertaken and ice box said:
What In the thunder are you doing here's
Take that Internal corpse-preserver out of
the house. Mr.. Wagner and the UNDER
taker were so frightened that they ran from
the house without taking time to pick up
their hats, and Joe jumped up from the
Bettee.
80, but be looked trightfuI OF me and
said: Look here, Sally Ann, this is carry
ing out joke little too far. You wanted
TO bury me alive, dlQ youF Lucky woke
up or suppose that long faced old Hood
would had me packed in ice and rock SALT
l wouldn't for the world repeat the oaths
he swore, but / didn't blame him bit, for
was awful glad even to hear his swear again.
"Well. DO you know, Mrs. Powers, that
Joe got up and jumped on the undertaKer's
silk bat until it was ruined, aud threw Mr..
Wagner's derby hat in the fire. Then he
went out in the woodshed and got his
broad-ax and never stopped till he chopped
that patent ice box up into kindling wood.
After he got through he asked if there was
any liquor in the house, and begged me 30
hard that told him l thought there was
some upstairs, and that would go up and
bring it down.
II went upstairs and mixed him up dose
that would probably kill any other man.
but l was reckless, and just as soon as he
asked for rum l began to feel sorry he
hadn't been killed. had pint bottle Of
whisky upstairs that had been sent to Joe
on Christmas, but he didn't know it, so |
took the cork from the bottle, then poured
lot of the stuff into china mug; then |
took spoonful Of salt, a lot Of red pepper,
some coal oil, some of mixture that's
called lightning tootheche cure, two or
three drops of hartshorn, lot of maRnesia
and several drops of creosote. Then l took
IL downstairs and said: Joe, found lite
Tie and will make you a hot punch. It'll
help to keep you from catching cold
y" All right Sally Ann Won know what's