Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1893-02-07
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ne rsamines the fiumps Of our oriee
10y.

ne rsamincs the f'umps Of Our ofice
boy.
The othur day tho editors livur was
I bad. or he had the tutbake, or he had
/ bin re in an amatoor poit, or sumthink,
90 he kalled me "idjit." This made q
/ doep impreshun on mo. / was hornted
with tho iloar that p'r'aps rcely was o
/ Lit, and had horribel vishuns Of boin
shut up in n loonatic asylum by my re-
lashuns, SO as they should revol In my
wClth-s'pposin should ever have eny,
yon know. amt got none at present
SO thort wou'd go to frcnologist
and have my bumps xamincd. III hetold
me was idjit, determined to put an
end 70 my most miserabel life.
Naturally, havin SO much at stake, l
was in state Of fear and tremblin wen
| entered the frenologst's room, wich
was hung round with lot Of kold look
In heads with no hare on, and sum skulls
all picked clean.
The frenologist, who was big man
with an enormous bump on his STUN
mick---a sort of trade sine, spose-and
an oily smile and a buttery tung, sed to
me. ''Wot arc yu prepared to pay for
faithful derlineation Of yure karacter,
sirT'
| notis that wen l go to pay eny
muney they always "sir' me; on othur
olsashuns it is simply "boy" or 'yung-
STIR"
"Wot are the chargesT / arsked.
"They range from wun shillin to wun
quincy" he answered.
"That's long range" l remarked. "a
ktching range, amt it?'
The frenologist spre'd littel oil over
mis- face-smiled, yu know-and said,
"Yu have the bump of humer strongly
developed, SIR"
Wunderful, wasn't it, that he should
kno that before touchin my head?
"F'or a gliincy," kontinued the frenol-
ogist, II kan tell yu the kind Of feemail
wot would make yu suitabcl wife, and
the best kind of food for yu to cat"
"The thing is, kan yu also supply the
wife and the food for the guineyr l
arsked.
81 see, SIR" he remarked (more oiD,
"yu are kcenly sarkastic; but, to kun to
terms. The sLillin fee is merely for a
short verbel statement of yuro karacter;
for five shillin's will give yu long
rittsn derlincation."
"Eny disbount for casl ?" l asked.
Certainly notl No rerdukshun wot-
ever; newer give credit. | must say,
sir, you are very karcful over muney
natter"
81 don't lno wot yu mene," | sed,
feelin rather offended 1--WE always feel
offended wen u purson scs sumthink to
US and we don't kno wot they mene). II
pay my way"
GOA, yes, sir, l kno yu do" he in
ter'dptcI hurr'cdly. II kan SEQ yu are
strictly 'onest; / ownly meant that yu
don't waste munoy."
81 al;sept yure apology" sed stifIly.
"W ot du yu give for harf n CROWN"
"Ihe saulo as for five shillin's, ownly,
Of corse, noS sich full derlineation, sir"
~ sce," | sed; "for harf crown yu
give about harf crown-not the hole
head"
"Sharp-very sharp!" he murmured.
I'm afraid, sir" | sed, mornfullike,
sit amt eny use havin my head 'xamined,
bocaws I'm hornted with the friteful
idear that I'm idjit."
"A idjitr no reclaimed. raisin his
hands. My deer sir, don't let sich
rioickulus noshun enter yure mind for
wun moment. kan assure yu that yu
have very bIite intellect. Now kindly
sit down on that chare, and | will kom-
menco opcrashuns. How much did yu
say yu was prepared to pay-fve shil-
linsy"
No, thanks replied, movin t'ward
the door, II amt prepared to pay eny-
think, I've lornt all want to llno Good
mite" Aud out bolted, leevin the fire.
nologist loollin perfect idjitl
I've lernt tnat am humerus, sarkas-
tic, karciul in muney matters, sharp,
strictly onest, and that amt idjit, and
all for uothink,
Pritty cheap, konsiderin the usuerl
price Of things, amt it?-Pick Me Up.