davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Not What She Wanted There.

Teacher-If you face the north,
directly behind you will be south,
on your right hand will be east and
on your left hand west. Seeing
lack OF attention on the part of Oscar
Simmons, and wishing to catch him.
What is on your left hand, Oscar?
Oscar Qn deep confusion)-Please,
Ma-a-m, -er-it's some cartgrease I
got on at recess: an it won't come
off.-Puck,
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Anxious to Know.

Featherstonc-Mr. Tutter asked
me to step in and say he wouldn't be
around tonight. l don't want to un-
necessarily arm you, Miss Pinkerly,
but the fact is he has broken his arm.
Miss .Pinkerly (anxiously)-Oh, how
dreadful! Which arm is it?-Truth.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
A Gentle Reminder.

Mr. Genteel Deadbeat is about to
leave the restaurant without paying.
Waiter-Excuse me, sir; have l for
gotten to give you back your change?
Texas Siftings.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Couldn't Buy IT.

Guest-What magnificent resi-.
dence that is opposite. Mr.. Pompous
-Grand. A veritable palace! have
been trying to buy that place for
years. Guest-They won't sell, eh?
Infant Terrible-Yes, buV they want
cash. Exchange.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

He's your sister very high church?
She-High as they make them. She
discharged our old family physician
last week for saying that she had low
fever. detroit Free Press.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

The Emperor of Germany realizes
by this time that even a very small
political victory comes high, but the
one recently scored in his behalf was
demanded in his business.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
A Bad Habit.

Chipper-I thought you said you
were going to give up smoking when
you accepted your new situation last
month"; Lipper-So I did. ''And
here you are smoking again." "How
can l help it when l was ''fred" yes
terday?" Exchange.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Bored to death.
A Boon to Mankind.

Dealer-This Is the finest boat in
the market Customer-What are
its special features? Dealer-lt has
seats with powerful springs under
them that can be touched of by
pressing button and made to hoist
out any fool who tries to rock the
boat. Observation-Disclosures your own
price-Exchange.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

The last Brooklyn man to run foul
Of the trolley was flung sixteen feet.
This is a gain of two feet for the
trolley since it struck the man prior
to the last one.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

NEW YORK Tribune: There is now
little doubt that the daily average of
visitors to the Worlds Fair will not
fall far below the expectations of
those who were instrumental in hav.
a-~. it held in Chicago. This will be
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL cal
culates that mother, in talking to
her infant, speaks IS, 600 words a day.
Most of them, however, aren't in any
of the dictionaries
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Westward. H0!
Truth

Baggage Master-Say, don't you
want to put that chest protector in
side your trunk? Mr.. Gilhooly-In.
side. is it? procured it to protect
me box from bein' smashed by such
fellies as yOus, in the crush o. travel;
an outside it shtays..-World's Fair
Puck.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

MApAME SAID the tramp, trying
to work on her sympathieS, .can I
have fit in your vestibule?" "No -
she said; go aclos the street TO the
tailor shop"
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
She Knew Him.

''He is a tragedian, isn't he,
mammal" asked the small person
who observed. "Why no, dear; he
doesn't act What made you think
so" "Why, look how he drags his
feet when he walks."-Truth,
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

''My son." said Jinkins to his bow
II understand that you 60 behind the
scenes at the burlesque." "No,
father-never!" lied young Jinkins
"Pm sorry" said Jinkins, with a
sigh. II was going to ask you to
take me with you next time. -
Truth.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
No Time to Wait.

Laker-Madam, will you marry me?
Mrs Penns-You are the last man on
earth would marry. Laker-Never
mind. then; didn't suppose you
were so many ahead. Puck.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

Kidder-They say that animals are
fond Of music. What do you suppose
their favorite air is? Banks with
his handkersh thief to his nose)-Cer-
tainly not pure air.-Puck.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

Edythe (playfully)-How dare you
steal kiss from me, sir? Don't you
know it is petty larceny? jail len
thusiastically)-I call it grand lar
ceny.-Brooklyn Life.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
She Was Interested.

Husband--Our Office boy died to-
day and 1 think you ought to 60 to
the funeral. Wife-Id like TO know
why. Husband--For the past month
he has been eating the lunches you
put up for me. -Exchange.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Quite Right.

Jaspar-It is all right to scorn
titles, but If a marquis came to court
your daughter what would you do?
Jumpuppe-I would toe the mark -
Truth.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
LAUGH AND GROW FAT
A HEALTHY TONIC FOR lNvAl.
IDS OF ALL KINDS.

Humorous Anecdotes Cleaned from yari.
Gus Sources-Something to Read Which
Will Make Anybody Sleep Well-Better
Than Medicine When Taken Before Re-
firing.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Unhappy Domestic Rel.t,or..

"What is this hear about Wick
wires domestic relations being un-
happy" ''Oh, that started from his
telling the hired girl that she would
have to quit entertaining her cousins
at his expense. "-Indianaplis Journal.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

The Family Physician - Well,
Tommy, how do you like the new lit.
tie brother Tommy-Hc don't
amount to much. I jest offered him
cigarette an he wasn't gentleman
enough to take it-Judge.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Sure to Remember 1t.

"Henpeck, do you remember the
dav my mule kicked you and broke
your leg and two ribs?" "Do |?
Why. I'll never forget it. was mar
ried on that day. Truth.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

Peastraw-Are you going too keep
summer boarders this year? Oat-
cake-No. Now that we have put
up our new br OK house and have it
comfortably furnished we have de.
cided to give that up-Puck.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Overheard at sunday-schoo,.

"And for what purpose was the
rainbow set in the heavens, Willie?"
''As promise to Noah that there
wasn't goin' to be no more floods, SOS
he could sell his yacht and get money
to support the family on. Puck.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
Very Powerful.

Mr. Binks-The paper says big
flour-mill out West blew up yesterday.
Mrs. Binks-La sakes l s'pose it's
where they make this new-fangled
Self-raising fiour-NeW York Weekly.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
The Time to Strike Him,

Mrs Bingo-How did you enjoy
your lodge meeting last night?
RingO-Had great time. Mrs
Bingo-I am so glad, dear. Iwish
you would let me have $lO-Detroit
Free Press.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

THE system of Identification en-
ployed blythe average mob is not cal
culated to make the humble citizen
feel secure.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

May Blume-I just love that man.
Rose Budd-Whyp May Blume-Be-
cause he makes me believe everything
l say 10 silly.-Puck.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
The Same old Thing.

Penelope-Well, how do you like
married life? Younglove-Rawth
monotonous. Penelope-Oh, you and
your wife quarrel all the time. do you?
Truth.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
A Wise Selection.

Farmer Jones-Yep that's my
second wife. Yer see, ther last one
was carried of in the cyclone, an l
thought I'D git one this time that
would stay right here at home, no
matter how hard 1t blew.-Judge.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

"SHoT his father by accident-the
pistol he was examining proved to he
loaded" Where have we seen some.
thing like that before?
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

Mike-They does be afther telling
me at the dispensary that has in
somnia, Biddy. Biddy-Thin why
don't ycz be after going to bed an
shlapin' it aff?-Puck.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

BOMBAY seems to need more re-
lIgion and less fanatcism. more grace
and fewer fights.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

IT Is not safe to infer from the way
that he spells his name that Hjalmar
HJorth Boyesen is a jay.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
A Newly Made Helrcss.

Chicagoensis-I want a bouton-
mere. Florist-Yes, miss. What
c0lors? Chicagoensis-Wh only.
It's for my grandfather's grave.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

. IT will be quite correct to speak Of
the extra session of Congress as ian
August body"
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

TIE trouble is. q pointer some
times points in the wrong direction.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02
TOPICS OF THE TIMES.
A CHOICE SELECTION OF IN
TERESTiNC ITEMS.

Comments and Criticisms Based Crpr
the Happenings OF the Day-Aiss.asis,.s
and News Notea
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-02

MANY a boy feels he slipped up in
his calculation when the slipper
comes down.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28
Wednesday, June %, 1898.
The Columbia Evening Journal.

Messrs. ]. S. Shuck and I. H. Hunt, rep
resentatives of the Columbia Evening
Journal, are canvassing this section Of the
country in the interest of that paper. At
Greenwood last Monday, we learn that Is
new subscribers were obtained, and TO-
day the citizens Of Abbeville will be given a
chance to subscribe.
Evening newspapers are gaining foothold
on the public attention and are becoming
very popular with the people
Although the Atlanta Evening Journal Is
published in a neighboring State, yet we are
told that the subscription list to that paper is
larger In Abbeville than that of any morn
ing paper.
The schedule over Columb bla, Newberry and
Laurens road Is such that the Columba
Evening Journal can be received here ovel
the G., C. & n, at four o'clock in the morn-
ing, and it is fair 10 presume that the Jour
nal will henceforth take its place among the
readers Of daily newspapers.
There seems to US to be at present an un'
mistak able public demand for fair play and
respectful discussion OF public issues. The
non. partisan and impartial editorial conduc'
OF the Journal will commend that paper u
all that class OF readers who love justice ana
are tired OF intolerance on either side.
The Press and Banner believes that the
time has come for adopting the Alliance de-
mand to "keep in the middle of the road.
and this demand will relegate to the rear
such men and such newspapers as persist IN
going to the extreme limit on either side Of
the road.
The indications are that those who "keep
in the middle Of rhe road" will have the bes,
hold on the public favor.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28
CORONACO'S ITEMS.
Her College Boys - Her Children's
Day-Her PeOpIe-And An Opinion
Of the Dispensary.
Coranaca. s. c., June 2, 1S9

Coranaca, s. c., June 70, 1898.
good many from this side went over to the
Fork Saturday to attend Childrens Day III
Beth lehem and the game of base ball between
the Forks and Waterloo. Cnildren's Day
and u match game Of baseball at the same
day! What a rare and worldly combine
when large shaggy dog crossed the stage
just as he arose to address the audience
What Next?'
Mrs. G. P. oNeal, who has been to see
her daughter, Mrs. B. F. King, OF Greenvllle
has returned home.
Messrs. Reid Pinson and A. J. Rice are going
TO have picnic somewhere in the near tut
Mrs. R. $. Nickels, who has been sick for SC
long awhile, is much improved
Mrs. r. H. Henderson recently visited her
parents In Chester county.
Miss Emma Webster, of North Charo!na, is
with the family Of her uncle, Mr.. ID. r.
M. ]. w. Coleman and this writer attended
the commencement exercises OF Wofford Col
lege. Johnnie was struck-not on any girl,
however-but with the admirable department
OF the students Of this time honoIed institu'
ton, which is second to none In the State.
Miss Maude Anderson, OF Waterloo has
been on q trip TO the family Of MIR. j. 5. An
derson.
Mrs. Sallie Klugh went TO see relatives at
Abbeville few days ago.
We notice that Mr.. Ben Tillman, having
monopolized the whiskey business of this
Slale Will open d UdT IOOiu dt aoOHfIiC tuc
first day OF July. in order that there may be
no mistake as 10 where such good article as
he sells, comes from, he has put his image
and the seal OF this State upon the bottles.
Shame! shame! What means our motto
any way? 1t must be on a dead drunk
Coronaca is represented ut Wofford by w.
w. Nick les and Geo. w. kooshe, both OF the
Sophomore class and both made distinction 10
their classes. TO Furman we send g. G.
Stuart, who represents US we'll In the junior
class. He, too made distinction In all his
studies, and was elected Editor-ln-Chief OF his
College Journal, The Furp>an Echo.
j. Frank Fouche.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28
Greenwood on the Fourth,

Greenwood is to have great time on next
Tuesday, the Fourth Of July. The r. q d
Railroad will sell excursion tickets July 2,
and 4, good until the 7th, at very low rates.
We presume the other roads will also sci
tickets on similar good rates.
The Idea is to have an immense crowd tc
hear the distinguished speakers, and to give
the old Confederate veterans an opportunity
of seeing each other to renew the old friend
ships and in love and good fellowship figh'
their battles over again.
1t will perhaps be the largest and most en-
joyable meeting that will take place In thit
section OF the country, and all who car
do 30 should be present.
Greenwood never does anything by halves
and the town feels pride in entertaining
friends at any time, but more especially or
an occasion like this when good feeling and
brotherly love will prevail.
They will furnish q free barbecued dinner
for all, and the warmest reception and the
most cordial welcome awaits every one.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28
A sbip's officer, who has spent much

A ships officer, who has spent much
time on the ST. Johns river, Florida,
thinks that he has solved the problem
as to the origin of the shell mounds
that occur along that stream. The
river twists about in all extraordinary
way, so that in many places the view
along the water extends for only few
rods, but he finds that a tall object or
the smoke of fire shown from the top
of one of these mounds could be seen
from those next below and above, and
he believes that these eminences were
Indian signal stations, by means OF
which the natives were able to an
nounce the approach of hostile force
along the river, as the Greeks singaled
the news of the fall of Troy to their
home cities by lights on the mountain
tops that were repeated from peak to
park. New York Sun.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28

DR.. Cuyler, of Brookln, has lately
said, .tDr. Praton has stared for
Washinvton on a remarkable errand-
no less than to endeavor to induce our
government to help in suppTessing the
traffic in fire arms, Intoxicating liquors
and opium in the New Hebrides and
other Pacific Islands. Just think of
it! A lot of converted cannibals beg
ging q Christian government not to
send them auy more muskets or rum
Verify the Christianity of our own
land does need Outstanding at very
core. Ships sail from American ports
with missionaries as passengers to A
africa and with thousands of gallons of
rum in their cargo; heaven goes in the
cabin, and hell in the ships hold.
How long will it take to convert the
heather in this style?"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28
MOUNT CARMEL.
The People Who Come and Go.

Mount Carmel. &. c., June 70, 1893.
Prof. Pritchard, OF Woford, is visiting his
father, Mr.. G. H. Pritchard.
Mrs. ]. w. Morrah, after a pleasant visit To
Atlanta, has returned.
Mrs Gillian is on visit 10 her brother, Mr.
T. ". Knox.
Miss JAMIE Day. OF Bradley, is visiting her
aunt, Mrs. ]. w. Morrah.
Mrs. w. w. Heard left last week for Hill.
mans.
Miss Emma McAlister leaves tomorrow for
Ninety-Six, where she will spend some time
with her sister, Mrs. Richardson.
Miss Hattie Howell, Of Charleston, Is visiting
Mrs. Clemant's.
Mr.. Walter Boyd left today for Due West
commencement.
Mr.. Austin Whitten and his sister, Miss Sal.
lie, OF Mccormick. worshipped In the Pres.
byterian church Sunday.
Miss McCulley is visiting her grandmother,
Mrs. White. w. ID. w.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28

Sed Smith was q tall, slender lad,
son of the Widow Smith who did the
washing for any strangers that might
stop at the hotel. Ten minutes earlier
on that pleasant morning Seth went
down the street whooping and call
ing to the people whom he knew, but
no one turned to listen or TO answer
him. .,
Now he was still and silent but
passers by gathered about him, awe
struck. :.
His eyes were closed and his lips
were white, but it was the same
hungry, poor boy whom they had al
ways known. There were the worn,
patched clothes, the bare feet, FROST
bitten and bleeding. The innkeeper's
! wife, stout old woman, suddenly
stopped and covered them tenderly.
"I might often have given him old
shoes easily enough" she said to her-
self, turning away. -,
"He was q willing kind boy" said
another woman. He worked for his
mother. Many's the time, too, he
brought nv little Peter safe home" |"
She remembered that she had often
luOuguU
clothes, but had put it of.
The village teacher passed, on MS
way from school, and stopped whefe
Seth lay on the porch of the inn.
who is it? Seth" he said peerlng
down at the quiet boyish face. 1t was
full of accusations against him.
His heart seemed to stand still for a
moment. He had seen for years that
this bow was quick witted and eager to
learn, but he worked all day, and
could not come to the school. The
master, in vague way, had intended
some time to give him lessons at night:
to make man of him.
He never had done 1t. He never
would do it now. So he thought as ne
walked home with heavy sickness at
his heart.
The young minister came hurrrying
down the street. He, too, stopped:
"Seth ?" 1.-THE Widow Smiths
boy?"
The minister was always q busy
man, with all his flock to look after.
He had noticed this lad as only a
merry fellow who never came to
church, probably for lack of decent
clothes aud little kindly encourage
ment. He had meant to speak to him
as he met him, to tell him of the one
Friend who is better than all others
and to give the lad word of kindness
and help.
He had not done it. A great horror
seized on the young man as he stood
looking down at the boys pale face
Did he know Of Jesus? Where
was he now? Wherever Seth had
gone these old friends who had known
and neglected him so long, could not
follow him. Whatever his need, they
could not call to him, or touch him,
or help him.
They were the same. The same SUM-
shine fell upon the dusty village streets
along which he ran noisily minute
ago. In an instant he had passed out
of their reach forever.
There is not friend nor q servant
nor all acquaintance whom we neglect
to-day, who sometimes may not turn tc
US Seth's white, accusing face.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28
HAPPY OCCASION.
Reception OF Mr.. Lewis w. Parker
and his Charming Bride.

LAST Thursday night from nine until eleven
O'Clock the mansion Of the Hon. w. II. Far
ker was q scene OF beauty and happiness. A
large company OF friends and Invited guests
had assent bled TO do honor to Lewis W. Far
ker, Esq. and his bride, formerly Miss Mar
garet Smith, OF Richmond, Va, who, after
quite an extended bridal trip to theanorthern
cities, had just arrived at the home OF the
father OF the groom.
Mr. Parker is q native OF Abbevile, who
studied law here, and after being admitted to
the Bar at this place, concluded to try his
fortune in the city OF Greenville where he
has been practicing his profession with that
ability which brings to Abbeville's worthy
son both distinction and financial success. In
q few years he has Quilt mp profitable prac-
tice in the Mountain City, and has accumu.
lated quite handsome estate. and now TO
crown II. all, he has won the priceless treas
ure OF q lovely wife to share II with him.
The bride is held In the highest esteem at
Abbeville because OF the loveliness OF her
character and the many pleasant things that
are ssid OF her. Having added the charm OF
cultivation TO Natures richest gifts, our peo-
pie were afforded genuine pleasure at know
Ing that q beloved son had won the heart
and hand OF one 80 gentle and 80 accomplish
ed.
The bride and groom return to Greenville
where they will resume the battle OF life IN
real earnest, adorning the society OF their
adopted city, and exercising grateful and
beneficial influence on all whose privilege 1t
may be to enjoy their confidence and friend
ship.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28
ON JULY THE FOURTH.
old CONFEDERATE VETERANS.
TO BE TREATED WITH DISTINGUISHED
CONSIDERATION.
BOantfful Dinners for All, and Special
Attention Given to Every Sol
dier of the Lost Cause.

To oil patriotic citizens who feel an Interest
in the survivors of the Lost Cause"
The Confederate Veterans from all parts OF
the State will be assembled ut Greenwood on
July the 4th, TO re.unite and shake hands
once more before crossing the river to rest
under the shade OF the trees.
This time and place having been chosen by
the survivors Of the 9th South Carolina cav
airy, and meeting the enthusiastic endorse
ment of the citizens of the town and vicinity,
they have contributed several hundred dol
lars for the purpose of giving to every veteran
who marched under the Stars and Bars, or
fought under the cross of the "lIost Cause,
an absolutely free barbacued dinner: And
recognizing the fact that large quantities OF
bread, butter, vegetables, &C., Will be needed
for this occasion, and feeling and knowing
that all patriotic citizens living adjacent TO
the town Of Greenwood would like u contrib
ute to the entertainment of these old war
riors whose footsteps are now fast turning TO-
wards the setting sun; we therefore, offer the
opportunity TO all such To send In either
money, bread, butter, vegetables, &C.. to Mr..
j, S. Bailey, chairman of the committee on
supplies on or before the Sd day OF July.
4 place and table will be prepared for visi-
tors 10 spread their picnic dinners.
C. A. c. Waller,
T. F. Riley, 7 Committee.
j. l.. Carr,
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1893-06-28

The Rev. Robert w. McAll, found
er of the celebrated McAll Mission in
France, died May 16. Twenty-one
years ago. just after the horrors of the
last communistic outbreak, DR., McAll
went to Paris and began the work
whose fame has become worldwide.
BEGINNING in humble way, he open
ed q single hall where he and his wife
preached Christ and lived Christ in
the Paris slums. The movement grew
until there are l40 stations in the mis-
sion and the influence of the move
ment has extended Throughout the en-
tire nation.