Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-03-04
WIT AND liUM0R.

induced by the spur of the moment
Btn9hdmton Leader.
At a banquet it is generally the lion
OF the hour VINO sets the table in a
roar on&erS Statesman.
There is only one way to live with
out work, and that is to prey without
ceasing. - GdiUsSt0a Ne,oS.
The world S full of lion fighters,
but it is hard to find man who won't
run from a hornet.-RdDl'S Horn.
No one can know the value of lit
| tie scatch on red wagon until he
| offers it for sale.-AtchiSon Globe.
Talk is cheap. If you don't believe
| it you see how much you can get for
the price of shave.-Elmira Gazette.
Man is never out of danger Even
when he goes to a church fair he has
to take great many chances
Press.
The Office seeks the man, then the
man reciprocates by seeking offices
for his relatiyes.-hate Fields Wash
ingtoH.
The reason it is not joke to step on
| tack in the dark is because it is i'm
possible to see the point.-ROcheSter
Democrat.
Iron in the blood is common phys
ical fact, but the real man of mettle
must also have an iron will.-Pbila-
deiphia Times.
Citicus-l wonder how it is that so
few women stutter when they talk?
Witticus-They haven't got time
Brooklyn Life.
The worst thing about the average
crank is that while he inevitably turns
up he objects to being turned down.
Philadelphia Times,
Mabel wouldn't marry the best
man in the world Jaques-" Alas,
You have made me the unhappiest of
en."-B0StOR Courier.
He-l am very fond of you. She
How well our tastes agree! He
What! Are You fond of me? She
No, of myself? - Vogue.
You can always find ont how much
man is worth when he dies by look
ing at his Will. 1t is 4 dead give
away-RochcStcF Democrat.
Some of the particular people will
presently be Directing to the word
next" because it is so evidently bar
berism.- Washington Star.
Civil service is said to be progress
ing charmingly at Washington, but
you can't always be sure of it at n
railway station window.-BoStOn Globe.
A man feels proud when he is work
ing his way up to the top, but he feels
different il his necktie undertakes to
do the same thing.-YOnkcrS States
man.
Jaggs-I tel you, sir. some way has
got to be found to knock ont the in
famous whisky trust. Seldomso-Sup-
pose you swear off.-Brand0R Buci;-
SGW.
First Boy-Do they whip at school?
Second Boy-No; l wish they did
First Boy-What do they do? Second
Boy-Keep you in at recess-Good
NeWS.
There's timepiece have had in
the family long while" said Grim
sonbeak, exhibiting a ninety-day note
which had never been met OnkerS
Statesman.
Have horn?" said Jimson TO Jam
son, producing 4 flask. Jamson took
q very long pull. "Here!" shouted
Jimson, II didn't mean fog-horn. =
BmtaiO Express.
"Your boy has a remarkable muscu-
lar development" said the neighb Dor
Aren't you afraid he'll be pugilist?"
No" Why not?" He is tongue
tied."- Washington Star.
q have" said Teddy Dickens, "a
very bad habit of talking to myself. ="
Indeed" she responded. Il have often
heard of people who were their own
enemies. - Washington Star.
Employers you want Il fortnight's
salary in advance. Bnt suppose you
should die tom borrow? Clerk (proud-
ly)-Sir, | may be poor, but | am a
gentleman. FLiegende Batter.
Yes, sir" said the actor airily. q
tested the capacity Of the house"
(Which" inquired the envious brother
mart, do you mean; capacity for
seating or suffering?" - Washington
Star.
what did YOU think of those two
stories told 1T the dinner the other
night'" well" replied the candid
friend, leach was admirable in = wav
One was good and the other was new"
Washington star.
Harry Darling! love you. OAR
ling-Yes, / know it, Harry; but was
in hopes you'd have some news TO tell |
me tonight. | haven't seen a soul to-
day and I'm Just dying for news
Boston Transcript.
Tommv-Paw, l heard a man say
that Mr.. Watts was self-made man. |
What is 4 self-made man? Mr.. Figg |
A man who knows how to make u
dollars worth Of work for fifty cents.
-IndianapoiiS Journal.
Mrs. Dodds-So your husband is at !
home with Headache. What is the |
matter? Mrs. Podds Ga coniiding wo- |
man)-Too much ice water. He drank |
three glasses this morning before |
breakfast. y. Weekly.
Miss Fisher-I really don't think !,
ahan -, 81 I