The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-08-09
A V~ENTILATING HAT.

l had got to the very bottom of the
ladder. Never mind how | got there. or
why / got there, that's my business, and
1t doesn't concern you in the least. But
l was earning my living all the same,
and earning it honestly. ! had read sto-
ries of the workhouse, and they made my
flesh creep. It wasn't pride that made
me work; it wasn't an honest spirit of
independence. It was the ~workhouse l
dreaded and the peculiarly unattractive
fare provided for the pauper. And there
| was with IS pence, my days earnings,
between me and the casual ward. With
in "a hours that IS pence would assuredly
disappear, and unless l got work Of some
sort to the casual ward / should have to
go. ! and a gentleman in a position sim
liar to my own were talking matters
owe ~
Things is very slack, governor" said
he to me.
"There is one game you might try"
continued my acquaintance with a be-
nignant smile, land that's Wilkins, the
ventilating halter. But you can't keep
on with that long, you know. It's ruin
to the constitution"
Anything was better to my mind than
the casual ward. 30 l asked for Wilkins
address. =.
"Oh, you cant miss It." was the al
swer; you just walk down Shoreditch.
There's always a crowd outside Wilkins
shop. and all you've got to do is to ask,
boldlike, for Wilkins, and when you sees
him you just ups and says, I'D like to be
in the way Of earning q honest 'alf
crown, sir Then he'll put You in the
way at wunst." Then my friend nodded
and departed. S'A"si1
/ arrived at Shoreditch. l wasn't long
In finding Wilkins-there was a. crowd
in front of the window. In the window
were hundreds Of hats. Every n of
them had a ticket bearing the same leg
end. wilkins ventilating Hat" then
followed the price. ] gradually elbowed
my way to the front row, and then ]
perceived the nature Of the exhibition
that gave SO much pleasure to the In
habitants Of Shoreditch.
In the center of the array of hats were
two human heads, which protruded
through two artfully constructed holes
In the polished mahogany which formed
the flooring Of the shop front. Each
head was covered by what appeared to
be an ordinary tall hat. The head on
the right had a large window ticket be-
hind it, on which were the following
words:
Wilkins ve~ntilating hat. Perfect
comfort. No suffering from heat by
want Of ventilation. The wearer of this
article enjoys life. The head is human.
There "a no deception. The. only estab-.
ishrnent in which Wilkins ventilating
hat may be obtained. 1t comes as . boon
and o blessing to men, like the Pick
wick. the Owl and the Waverley pen.'"
There was a similar ticket behind the
head on the left:
1.-The ordinary silk hat. Observe how
the unfortunate wearer suffers from the
heat. Poor fellowl He evidently wishes
himself dead. The common unventilated
hat OF commerce is a fendish invention
worthy, Of the atrocities Of the worst
days OF the Spanish inquisition. The
wearer of an unventilated hat Is hurry
ing to an early grave. The head is hui
man: there Is no deception"
noticed that the mahogany planldng
Of the shop front below the heads was
perforated with innumerable small holes.
Then ! observed that there was a very
great difference In the appearance of the
faces Of those wearing the hats. The
gentleman wearing Wilkins ventilating
hat looked the picture Of contentment.
He smiled. He seemed al II he had at
tanned the summit Of human bliss. He
was evidently very comfortable indeed.
The other head presented a striking con-
trast. Never till now had / the least
idea that such dreadful effects were pro-
duced by the wearing Of an unyentilated
hat. The face was as pale as death. A
cold perspiration seemed to trickle from
every pore The mouth was set az
though in agony, and all through m I'M
ventilated hat. l boldly determined to
enter the shop.
What can | show you, sir?' said an
assistant, with excessive urbanity.
Il want to see Mr.. Wilkins" Ireplied.
THAT is Mr.. Wilkins" said the man.
indicating a portly and benevolent look