Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-07-26
HUMOROUS.
mOhOuo.
4 pair in "a hammock
Attempted to kiss,
And in less than IA jiffy
's!Vl oNH p9puBl AeqL

Attempted to KISS,
And in less than jiffy
's!ql oHH pepuvI AeqL
He who thinks to think, and not
to think, thinks to some purpose. -
G. FL. Mckinley.
"Yes," she said, 1--WE shall heat
by steam. The registers are to be
taken out and we will put in gladi-
ators."
She-"I wonder why they call
these angel sleeves?" He-"Wbat
else could they be called when you
wear them ?"-lndianapolis Jour
nal.
She-'I don't see why Miss Cob
bic should seem so attractive to all
the gentlemen" He-"The doctor
has forbidden her ever eating ice
cream.
"They say" said Spriggins, that
it takes three generations to make
gentleman. THAT" replied
Wiggins, "opens up IA pleasant
prospect for your grandson. Life.
What made you think the col
lection was taken up to get the
minister a new suit?' because
SO many of the congregation put
in buttons" Chicago Inter Ocean.
She-But you have no reason to
be Jealous of me; you know you
haven't. He Reason! Reason
| dispensed with my reason entirely
when fell in love with you.-ln-
dianapolis Journal.
Teacher Johnnie, which state
in New England has two capitals?
Johnnie - New Hampshire. -
Teacher Indeed, name them -
Johnnie "Capital N and capital
HI Brooklyn Eagle.
mo money for me yet! You told
me, the first of the month, that you
would positively pay me the tenth
Tranquil debtor-"So | will; but
my dear man, ! haven't paid the
other nine yet" Puck.
Servant-Plase, ma'am, there's
a poor man at the door with wooden
legs.
Young mistress Well, what can
we do with wooden legs? Tell him
we don't want any.-Chips.
"It's shame, when she is so
well dressed, that she let's every
one know she's from the country"
Clara-"What did she do?" "Thank-
ed gentleman for giving her his
seat. Chicago Inter Ocean.
"Synnicus is of very cold na-
ture.r "He's hot enough now.'
"How SOP" Miss Rex fired him
with a sudden passion, and when he
called on her her father fired him
from the premises. New York
Press.
Daughter-Yes, know MIR. Stay
late comes very often, but it isn't
nv fault. do everything can
to drive him away. Old Gentle
nan-Fudge! ] haven't heard you
sing to him once.- -Stonington Line
Bulletin.
Manager-"Yes, | advertised
for good supporting lady. Have
you supported anyone prior to this
season." Mrs. Wickwire-."Oh,
yes, indeed; I've had three hus-
bands and I've had to support
every one Of them. Judge.
Young gentleman drops on his
knees at the feet of a lady)-"My
dear Miss u, our respective
fathers having come to terms on
the money question, ] now venture
to inform you that love you to
distraction. ."-Saphirs Witzblatt.
81 hear that you are engaged to
Lord Hardsquoze," said belle to
her wealthy friend. rs it so?"
"Oh, no." said the business like
young woman. III shouldn't say
we were engaged, but II have an
option on him. Washington Star.
The Johnson family visit the
great white city. Paterfamilias
(entering the gate at the head Of
the procession) Great Ian Gloriah! |!
Id giben dat spotted mule OBJ
mine for the contrac' oh whitewash-
in dis yer place!"-Harper's Week
ly.
Mr.. Hensington (of London)-
"Englishmen are always at the
front. DO you know, company
has been formed in London to dam
Niagara Falls?" Miss BODILY
"That's nothing new. Papa's been