Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

SSe LueIu aFuCleS Is al aD0ut people
gittin' cured by DR.. Dosem's Bilious
Pllls-the same You tried.
Ffrnrr Hoefast-Eh! Did those pills
ever do ANYBODY any coed? Wen, tina.
Is a miracle.-New York Weekly.
A Serious Loss. FsS
Mistress-WLat did you do with that
old brown dress that hung in my closet?
Domestic-You told me to get rid
of all the rags, ma'am, and so l gave it
TO the ragman.
MiStress-Goodness met How do You
suppose / am ever TO get any new
clothes If / haven't an old dress to put
on when my husband comes homc?-
New York Weekly.
The Requisite Qualifications.
isis, I think you had better shine my
shoes and wash the dishes" said a
wealthy New Yorker TO his sister, who
moves in aristocratic circles.
What do you mean by such non
sense?" she asked.
n nonsense about it. l see you are
flirting with an Italian count If you
are going to marry him you ought to
be fitting yourself for the position"
In Philosophy.
1nstructor-Cadet A, you may define
a sonorous body.
Cadet A body which may be
made to ring, sir.
Instructor-For example.
Cadet A bell. 4 pitcher, a nap
kin.
'lnstructor-A napkin, Cadet A? Ex-
plain yourself, sir.
Cadet A-Why, Tiffany, when / was
q plebe, made a napkin ring for me.
That's All.
Mr.. Austin (Of Texas)-I don't see
that you New Englanders have much
to boast about. Why. a negro was
burned at the stake in Massachusetts
in 1898, as one Of your Boston papers
admits.
Mr.. Backbay (of Boston)-Then Tex
az Is only ninety-eight yeaEs behind the
times. after all.
Justffiasly Postponed.
Mamma-What's the matter, John
ME?
Observation-Disclosures! yesterday / fell
down and hurt myself,
Mamma-Well, what are you crying
to-day for?
Johnnie-You weren't at home yes
terday.
II Makes a Difference
Mother (near-sightedrSes that dis
Observation-Disclosures brute across the
street! Where can the police be?
Daughter (weeping)-Oh, ma, it's
Brother Bob!
Mother (swooningl-Then the saloon
keepers have e drugging b a poor
child again!
The Brute.
"Oh, Henry" exclaimed Mrs. Young
husband, breathlessly, Il have some
thing terrible to tell You. The baby
has swallowed your shaving brush"
"Oh, that's all right" responded the
brute; lit was worn out, and / was
going - get a new n anyhow"
Some Consolation.
d. The Rejected One (after a painful
pause)I think, on the whole, 1 viii
accept your offer to be a sister to me-
but on one condition.
The Rejecting One-What Is that?
The Rejected Ope-That you win let
me be your little brother. Then l can
get even on some OF my successors.-
Vogue.
Always In Bloom.
Little May-What kind Of q blossom
is a whisky blossom? Is it like a
daisy?
Ma-What a silly question.
Little May heard Mr.. Jones say
that pa had the biggest gin blossom In
the ward, and that it was n daisy.
The wildcats Age.
Bobby-Pa, what has hat man got
In his MOUTH
PA cigarette. Bobby.
Bobby-Fa. i want a cigarette.
Pa-No, Bobby, not until You arrive
i. the z OF in~discretion.
Her Reason.
Herr Professor imusical doctor)-
Your daughter has a ferry goot ear,
madame.
Mamma-Ah, professor, but / want
her 10 study music on account OF her
hands-they're SO Observation-Disclosures.
-
should Rejoice Over IL.
He--You ought to be glad / love to
kiss gfris.
She-Why?
He-You won't have any trouble to
keep q servant when we marry
Rivals.
''The last thing Fred does 10 to kiss
II should think It wsu,d be.s-IafA