davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
Got There Eirat

Lyman Dayton was n pioneer and built
house in Minnesota's capital when the
place was II village on the hills and what Ia
now the business district was a swamp.
One day Dayton and two friends sat on a
bluff talking and gazing Mt the "mudhole.n
1t was suggested that if the town grew the
lowland might become valuable Soon aft
er the three separated, and early next
morning one of them saddled his horse and
started for the land office at Saltwater, is
miles away, intending to pre-empt the
swamp. He had gone but q short distance
when he saw n companion of the day before
ahead of him, also on horseback and with
the same purpose in view. The two raced
to Saltwater and finished even in front of
the land office At the door stood Lyman
Dayton, smoking his pipe. You're too
late, boys" he said. II came over last
night. Francisco Argonaut.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30

WE PAINFULLY EXPLAINED THE CAUSE.
old cuss promised us in the most solemn
and impressive manner that he would do
so, but we ought to have locked him I'D
instead of taking his word.
Wednesday evening at o'clock, after
showing the Buckeye around town, we took
him to the mayors Office in the city hall
for general introduction to our leading
citizens. We had only introduced him to
two or three persons when boot and
yell and u fusillade announced that old Bill
had got his tent up and his circus perform
ance started. In 80 seconds the Ohio mans
hair was standing up. In 30 more his eyes
bulged out and his chin couldn't keep still.
We playfully explained the cause of the
uproar and assured him that old Bill was
perfectly harmless, but we were yet en-
gagged in the soothing act when the aged
reptile, as if to give the lie to our asser-
tions, turned his guns loose on the windows
of our office. 1t was deemed an act of pru-
dence on the part of everybody to get down
on the floor, and for five minutes old Bill
had the long end Of the lever.
The situation might have become painful
had not Providence interfered. In making
a circuit old Bill ran his mule head first
against telegraph pole and killed him as
dead as stone, while the shock threw the
rider out of the saddle and rendered him
unconscious for 20 minutes When he came
to, we had him in the lookup, and we'll be
hanged if he doesn't roost right there for
the next year to come. law or no law! No
explanations we could make would satisfy
our visitor or bring the color back to his
face He insisted that such actions were
beyond the pale of civilization, and despite
all we could say he hired rig and was
driven over to the railroad that night The
English language cannot fifty express our
sorrow and chagrin, and the entire COM
munity feels that way. The only satisfac-
ton we can get is in keeping old Bill Rem
shaw in Jail until he is obliged to drink
water ans tell the truth, and the lawyer
who inttrlcres with the programme will
want wings before he is through with the
easel
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
Copyright, 1883, by Charles b. I,cwis1

Order.
Copyright. 1888, by Charles b. Lcwis.l
UNJUST CRITICIsM.-The mayor of this
town (who is ourselO is being criticised by
certain eastern papers for attending boxing
matches, horse races and dog fights. One
publication goes so far as to declare that
we ought to be impeached and two or three
Others gravely inquire what will be the re-
suit OF such IN awful example. We think
the criticisms uncalled for and unjust. We
never attended any of these exhibitions in
our official capacity. We simply meet the
postmaster, president of the common coun-
Gil, judge of probate and deputy United
6tates marshal Mt place agreed on, and
then all go as private citizens having the
best interests of this community at heart
AS to the wickedness of such exhibitions
we fail to see it. From the creation of the
world men havescrapped, dogs have fought
and the mustang and cayuse have struck
gait. 1t seems rather late in the day to
get up q row over it now.
When man is elected to Office In the
east, he has to put on long tailed coat and
surrender oil his personal privileges in the
effort to maintain the dignity of his office.
1t is not SO here. He may buy another gun
and get up little earlier to practice left
hand shooting, but no radical change is to
be observed. Only one man has been killed
IN this town in the last eight months, and
he had lived year too long. We have had
only one robbery in n year, and a case of
official corruption has never been heard of.
Our banker is so honest that he permits n
committee to count the cash and figure on
his assets and liabilities, and stray mules
are taken up and fed on gilt edged oats un-
til their owners appear. If we prefer to live
this way, it's no outsiders business. As
mayor of this town wo could bankrupt it I'm
week. In our official capacity we could
rob taxpayers, get the aldermen shooting
at each other, use the charter for gun wad-
ding and paralyze all public business If
we prefer quiet dog fight or a humble
horse race, from which we always 90 home
thinking better of the world at large, that's
Qnr privilege, and we propose to maintain
1t rs long &S We can see to shoot
BROKE HIS WoRD.-On Tuesday last we
got word that Cincinnati alderman who
is making tour of the west would arrive
In town Wednesday noon and stop with
us "a hours. Naturally enough, we wanted
things to move off smoothly while he was
here, and knowing that old Bill Renshaw
was in town we hunted him up to ask
favor. Old Bill is one of the meanest, cam
tankcrousest ole critters in tho universe
and ought to have been planted and forgot
ten 20 years ago. About once n month he
gets on n cyclone drunk and insists OH rid
ing around the public square Mt full gallop
yelling and shooting as he goes. AS he has
never killed anybody yet we have not inter-
Tered with him, but fearing an outbreak
while the alderman was here we hunted
him up and asked rs n special favor that
he refrain from the circus business. The
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
n : = :: W AorfoIksWesternR .R


SCHEDULE IN RFFRCT SEPTEMBER 3, 1928
wEsTBoURD, LEAVE ROANOKE DAILY.
e:OJ a. m. washington and Chattanooga limited)
for Bristol and beyond. Stops only ut Chsls-
tiansburg and Radford, also at principal
stations west of Radford. Pullman sleepers
to New, Orleans and Memphis Dining car
attached.
$40 q. m. for Radford, Bueaeld, Pocahontas,
Elkhorn, Clinch Valley Division and Louis
vile via Norton
4:35 p. NJ. THE CHICAGO EXPRESS 70
Biuefeld, Pocahontas, Kenova, Columbus
and Chicago. Pullman Buffet Sleeper Norfolk
to Chicago without change.
aoRTH AND BAeTBoUND, LEAVE ROANOKE DAILY
@45 .. m. for Petersburg, Richmond and
9'45 a. m. for Washington Hagerstown Phila
dephla and New York.
lbs a. m. for Richmond and Norfolk. Pullms'
sleeper Roanoke to Norfolk and Lynchburg
to Rich mond.
i2:45 I'm. (Washington and Chattanooga linn
ited) for Washington, Hagerstown, Philadel
ph!a and New York. Pullman sleepers to
Washington via Shenandoah junction and
New York via Harrisburg. Stops only at
principle stations.
Durham Diyision-Leave Lynchburg Junior
sfation) daily ITO a. m. for South Boston and
Durham and intermediate stations.
Winston-Salem Division-Lcave Roanoke Union
sntion) daily 1856 e. m. for Rocky Mount
Martinsville, Winston-Salem and intermc.
diate stations.
For all additional information apply at ticket
Office or to W. b. BEVILI.
General Passenger Agent, Roanoke, Va.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
HE KNEW THE FOLKS.
Country Where n Stranger Was ut u De-
cIded Disadvantages.

Country Where n Stranger Was ut u De-
cided Disadvantages.
Half an hour before sunset / came along
to where very lonesome looking man was
sitting on Il stump in front of dlapidated
log cabin and asked him if could put up
for the night
II wouldn't advise it. stranger" he
kindly replied. MEN the old woman has
bin fghtin fur the last three days to see
who was boss, and rs we haven't got the
question settled yet you'd better not mix
in"
"How's the next cabin?"
WAL, Thompson lives thar, and as he
got beat in n lawsuit yesterday and is out
with gun today waitin to pop somebody
you'd better edge past Thompsons."
And the neXt?"
"Waal, the widder Blake lives thar and
has bin hevin the jumpin toothache for
the last two days. AS she kin kill IL boss
with one blow of her fist when she hain't
got no toothache ut all, thipk you'd bet
ter dodge her."
Anything wrong with the next cabns"
Lets see. Jim Taylor lives in the
Taylor he got his leg broke in wr,isslin
match the other day, and Reube he is ex-
pectin to he shot by II Teller he cheated in
boss trade. don't 'spose either of 'em
would feel like putin you up for the
night"
What does stranger do for lodgings
In these parts?" 1 asked rs saw that he
felt for me.
WAL, they ginerally stops with me,
you see, and I make everything as pleas
ant as possible"
But you said you couldn't take me imp
That's what said, and Pm sorry fur it.
You see, I'm ginerally the boss of this ERE
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
Literal Obedience.

He ate his lunch mt one Of those feederies
where You help yourself at the counter
When he was done, he went to the cashiers
desk and asked:
"How much!"
The cashier pointed to sign which read,
"Please tell what you ate"
He looked mt it and then said:
"Ham sandwich and a piece of custard
pie"
Didn't you have n cup of coffee?"
Eyes"
why didn't you say so then?"
The sign doesn't say you must tell what
you drank. st. Paul Globe.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
"YoU'D BETTER NOT MIX IN. -

roost, but occasionally the ole woman
makes an effort to wrest the scepter from
my hands. She's got heap O. grit and
hits hard, and the scepter wobbles around
fur two or three days. It's wobblin now.
and you'd git hurt if you mixed in. If you
want to turn into the woods over thar, I'll
lend we boss blanket and smuggle ye out
eome cornbread, but that's the best kin
do. Powerful sorry, you know. but I've
got to hold on to that scepter or be trod
into the airth.'
halted when 40 rods away to look back.
The wife had come out into the road and
the struggle for That scepter was raising
such IL cloud of dust that the setting sun
was totally oljscurcd
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
THE ROANOKE TIMES, SATURDAY. sEprEMREe % ,aoe
The personal effects of deceased persons

The personal effects of deceased persons
forwarded to relatives by express"
There was general howl of Indignation
from the passengers as they read their
cards, and when the brisk little man came
back into the car the fat man with the red
hair on the seat in front of me went for
him with:
by this?"
Straight business, my friend" was the
reply.
Il never heard of such Il thing before!'
"Ilave you ever heard of the town of
Half Way Up?" softly asked the little man.
of course have and am going there
nowr'
Exactly. Going to stay more'n min
ute?"
Tmay stay 10 years"
Bet you so to l you don't--not above
ground! Here's 10 to 1 you are shot in
less'n week! If SO, please give us call.
Send you anywhere in the country"
isis there anything wrong with the
town" queried tho fat man as q change
came over him.
mo, the town is ali right, but we've
buried II men in the last Ii days, and there
were two ready to plant when came away
atnoon. Town all right and business boom
ing. Don't lose the card and please give
directions how to ship"
but sec here, my friend, LIP
Can't stopl You may escape, but the
chances are that you'll be shot We have
no competition, but practice no extortion.
First come first served, you know"
but Pm going to Half Way Up to start
weekly newspaperl' protested the fat
man as he followed the other down the
aisle.
THE blank you arel' shouted the brisk
little man. ''Then take five or six of our
cards, for you'll bea corpse within "a hours.
The boys had killed two editors and were
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30

chasing the other one up a gully when I
took the train. If he got away from them,
the grizzlies will eat him up tonight"
The fat man reached the town with the
rest of us, but never left the depot till the
train pulled out for the east, six hours
later. 1t was just as we'll for him, for five
men were shot on the street that night, and
at daylight dozen of the boys went down
to the depot and yelled ut the ticket agent:
Now, then, trot out that blamed old
redheaded reptile who has come here to
sot up n printin foundry and tell us that
we can't run the hull burned kentryl''
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
4 Ready RenIy.

Gilbert Stuart, the American portrait
painter who has craven the face of Wash
ington upon our memories learned his art
i'll the English home of Benjamin West.
One day he met DIR. Johnson, whose dis
like of the American colonies was notorious.
Sir" demanded johnson of young Stuart,
where did you learn English?" "Out of
your dictionary, sir" replied the quick
witted artist. The old man became gentle.
San Francisco Argonaut
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
"0h, these
Advertisements
ii Tire me-"

Some advertisements do have
that tendency, so do some
people and some books. But
bright people understand that
the advertising columns now
a days carry VALUABLE In
formation about things NEW
and GOOD. Things that
people for their own benefit
ought to know. One THING
that THE LADIES of Roa.
noke and vicinity ought to
know Is that at
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
A FAT MANS ESCAPE.
He Thought of sta ling Paper. but He
Eas TO warned.

he Thought of sta Ing a Paper. but He
Was TO warmed.
About 10 .cs before we reached the
western terl..ilius OF the railroad u brisk
little man c.,Dic aboard the train and passed
business card into the hand of every pas
senger, saying us he did so:
Don't throw it away and make the mis-.
take of your life We do cash business
Oh the very closest margin"
The card bore the legend: James French,
the only first class undertaken in Half
way-up. Bodies cmbalmed and shipped to
any part of the country on short notice. a
large stock OF collins always on hand. No
extra charge in case of mangled remains
own the only graveyard in town, but will
sell lots at most reasonable figure. p. S.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
A Heartfelt Wish.

Mother-Here, son, is cake for you and
your brother Divide it equally.
Son-Why do they make cakes with holes
in the middle, mamma?
Mother-Just to look pretty, I suppose.
Don't you like them so?
Son-Yes'm they're good enough, only
wish had to divide with somebody that
could eat the holes.-IIarper's Young PEG
pie.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30

Willie youthful son of the owner)-Is
your berth narrow one, Mr.. Tiggs?
Tiggs-Not particularly Willie. Why7
Willie-Because papa said he was going
to give you n wide one after this.-Truth
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30

Have you taken any precautions against
the cpidcmicY'
"Ccrtainly."
"Well, what have you dones"
Got my husband to make his will."-
Tribune de Geneva.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30

Distracted Wife-What is the extent of
his injuries, doctorP
Young Physician-His nerve centers are
highly disturbed, madam. Give him one
of these powders every hour until
But his leg-is it broken, doctor?"
AS to that, madam, my advice is that
you consult surgeon. Fee for prescrip-
tion and advice, S5."-Chicago Tribune.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
What the Bell Indicates.

Amy Gas Mabels fiance rings the bell)-
Mr. Hunter rings rs though he knew he
were welcome
Mabel-Yes. He has a regular engage
ment ring. -Detroit Free Press.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
It WAS at Niagara.

She WAS II proud, impctuous girl and
could brook no opposition, while he was
imperious .'nd eGOtistical and never took
back anything. They were III Niagara falls
with her paw and NAV just Il week before
the day set for their marriage. They sat
alone OH the battlement at the extreme end
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
Sure Cure.

Hello Bingley, how did the doctor sue
coed in breaking up your feverf'
"Oh, easy enough; he presented his bill,
and had n chill in 10 minutes. Chicago
Inter Ocean
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
Eve In the Garden.

Mr.. Nailor-Why was Adam given a
wife2
Mrs. Nailor-To perfect him in husband
~. of course.-Brooklyn Life
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
They Were East Colors.

Jenny Weighback-Them last shirts I
bought here is jest rs We said
Salesman-Our goods are always just as
we say.
"1e said they was fast colors."
YES, SIR"
AN they be. Why, mother she put 'em
in the wash, an by goll when she took 'em
out them colors had run so fast they was
purity near out o. sight. Star Sayings.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30

CIRUrGCCe.
"They frothr'
''They foamI"
"Then, sir, FAREWELL We could not live
happily together Twill seek some frothy
young man who will try to make my life
happy. and you can probably find foamy
young woman with no opinions of her
own"
And so they parted forever For one brief
moment the great cataract ceased to pour
and to roar and to froth and foam. Then it
resumed business with renewed energy,
and broken hearts and tears of regret and
wrecked lives flowed on as before
NJ OUAD
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
Couldn,t Saw DoGniteIv

do you take this man for better or for
worse?" asked the minister
II can't tell until have had him for n
little WHILE" returned the bride-Harper's
Bazaar
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
He Had His Fenrs.

II don't want to meet him. owe hin
something"
us it more than you can payi"
I'm afraid so. l owe him thrashing.
Truth
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
Mistaken Crabs.

Summer Child-Three crabs bit at my
toes when 1 was in bathing this morning
Mother-They did?
Summer Child-Yes'm guess they
thought was crabbing.-Good News.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30

Willie Wilt-But, guv'nah. her father is
mover in the very best society.
Wilt, Sr.-How is that?
Willie Wilt-He drives n swell furniture
van.-New York Herald.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
They Fitted Him Too we'll,

Cobble-Don't you like the laundryman
recommended to you?
Stone-No.
Cobbe-Whats the trouble?
Stone-He's just my size.-Life.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
Their Descent.

Miss Blouse gives herself good many
airs lately. One might think she was de-
scended from royalty.
Mrs. Bits very absurd. She can only
90 back two generations. Her grandfather
was common laborer Their grandeur
cannot compare with ours.
Margaret-ch, mamma, whom are we
tegenerated fromi-l.ite
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30

Of Prospect park, and by and by she looked
up and said:
George, why do the vexed waters frothpn
They don't" he promptly answered;
"they foam"
But it's the Same thing"
"Oh, no. There's large distinction be-
tween froth and foam. You get one with
soda water and the other with beer-about
8cents' worth to the glass"
George darcy, the waters frothr she
Indignantly exclaimed us her beautiful
eyes flashed like fireflies on dark night.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-09-30
NOT THE RIGHT WAY.
THE EDITOR OF THE KICKER SAYS
HE is WlLLFULLY MlSJUDGED.

just because He Attends a Few Sporting
Events Now and Thon'Is No Reason why
tho Eastern Papors Should Call Him to
! Order.
Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1893-04-02
Court Notes.

George Bean 81 Byron township was
arrested yesterday on warrant sworn
out 10y Charles W. butcher 81 Byron.
charging Bean with killing two hogs
which belonged 10 Mr.. butcher. 1t
seems that the hogs were trcspassing on
Beans property and he took his shot
gun and made pork u them. Bean was
arraigned before Justice Westfall and
Was held Tor trial.
Frank J. Sokup and others began salt
yesterday Ia enforce mechanics lien
against Owen & O'Neil. contractors. who
built the Reed block IL is claimed by
MIR. Sokup that he furnished material
and labor on the block. and has not re
ceived his pay therefor.
fiotflicb Mueller began suit in the
circuit court against Amon II. Odds 10
clear cloud from his title 10 lot Is az
block ! ~ Barths addition to the city
OF grand Rapids
A1die l. Apsey began suit for divorce
yesterday in the circuit court against
Orion Apsey. charging him with ex-
trenle cruelty and non support.
james Pitton was sentenced 10 pay a
fine II sl00 and sS.l5 costs in Judge
Burlingame's court yesterday for keep
ing open after hours.
James Totfen was granted divorce
from Elizabeth Totten by Judge Adsit
yesterday on the ground ~ descrticn.
Grand Rapids herald. [volume] (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 1892-1959, 1893-04-02

70 WORK upoo. which u returned -
shr1. iutrr tor . xsrnzrns whhsh tbsy
snl1st bay complete. and DC AMI make
vithln the SUM named
In the etokifx department the cost -
sas u per -3szx, bat 40 enc 10 siebsrred
~ho - uslafls % pas for the tnxterizl
The s4use i tru< la the boys work. IA
c4rpeatrs. blacksmlfhlng OF the machine
shop. Thl<. however. brochures results
Which besoms the property a The
pupils. Ia the products a the atori -
na objection cAn lie against the system
Tor this reason.
II should be remembered ana npha-
sixei that this training does not make
mechanics OF professional co@5As and
dses<makers II gives the pupils skill,
trained eyes and h4nis. teaches
knowledge II materials and tsols and
enables them when they isase the
-eiiool 70 enter upon learning come
actual trshs or duty With VASTLY IN
CREASED power and skill that's all. II
does not compete in any Sense with the
trade Il prepares for better entrance
upon them, or upon any other duty or
Profession In life.
Tolelo has ia eight years invested but
<,p.us Ia building ard In all its machin-
cry AMI ogtfil, II began. az appears. IN
a very mosiest, small way. TIE school
has developed as experience has dictated.
being enlarged from year 20 year. Tor
there ARE -four years in the manual train
ing coarse. Much of the outrit of tools
has been made by pupils in the regular
course II their studies
Graad Rapids can aud should start in
=. h.. s.aIr...l
year. with the first years course. We
cannot expect full hedged school at the
outset. Your committee cannot yet give
precise details a. 90 the initial cost OF
the outfit for the start. but will TO 80 ar
soon as the facts and figures from the
experience 81 other such schools can be
tabulated At the start we have rooms
that can be used ON the present high
school grounds. which can be readily
fitted at very small cost. Your commit
Tee believes. Ia view. both in what il has
seen and IT what II has learned, that a
definite beginning should be made In
this direction for the next school year.
and therefore asks for a clear express
sion Of the board. 10 the end that IL their
views be approved. your committee may
enter at once upon The important lator
~ preparing course ~ study. and pro
curing the first requisites in the way OF
furnishing and apparatus.
The report was discussed 10 some
length. aud was finally accepted and
placed on file. Mayor Stuart was pres
ent and called attention 10 the amend
ments % the school election law which.
il passed. viii more clearly define who
may and VINO may not vote at school
elections.
The mayor. as chairman Of special
committee. reported in favor of having
the hoard meet in the room provided for
the purpose in the new high school
building The report was adopted.
The committee on grounds was in
structed by resolution To procure trees
and have them set on several Of the new
school grounds.