davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
Telling a Persons Age.

There was once a wise King who was
awfully curious. He was possessed of a
desire to know everything and was con
tinually asking questions. Indeed, his
thir, for knowledge carried him so far
that he wanted to know the age of every
person he met. But, being a King, he
was exceedingly polite, and would resort
10 strategy to gain his end. One day
there came TO the court a gray-hsiTed pro-
fess0r who amused the King greatly. tie
told the monarch a number OF things
that he never knew before, and the King
was delighted. Bat finally It came to the
point when the ruler wanted to know
the age Of the professor, 50 ne thought
Of mathematical problem.
"Ahem said the King. Il have an
interesting sum for you; it is a trial in
mental arithmetic. Think Of the num-
Der Of the month OF your birth"
Nov, the professor vas 80 years old,
and had been born two days before
Christmas, so lie thought OF y, Decem-
Der being i2sh month.
"Yes," said the professor.
Multiply it by :. continued the King.
"Yes."
add s."
eyes, answered the professor, doing
50.
"Now multiply that by 80"
@Yes."
add your age"
Yes"
Subtract 33j."
Yes"
add ll5.7
"Yes."
And now" said the King, might I
ask what the result is?"
Twelve hundred and sixty" replied
the professor, wonderingly.
Thank you" was the Kings response.
so you were born n December, 90 years
ogo, Ell?
Why, how in the world DO you
know ?" cried the professor.
" Why" retorted the King, "from your
answer-I26O. The month of your birth
was the 18th and the last two fgares
give your age"
Ha, ha, haI7 lsughed the professor.
Capital idea. I'll try il on the next
person meet. It'ssneh polite way Of
finding out peaple's ages"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
Resolutions OF Respect.


The following resolutions we're unani.
mOusly adopted by the Lutheran Sab
bath School and Union Bible Class Of
lockwood, Pa.
WHERE'S. an all-wiss Providence in
dis iasaits wisdens sss removed -
9ssth Bsothsr Foi.ir sziih. assis.a..
screrintsris.. q he = 1.As-sa ssebs.h
school snd 'escher - ths Union Bisls
Class, of whom nothing but What is no
ble and christian Ike in The highest
sense can be remembered. THEREroRE,
be it
RsaJrs3, that in bis death we have lost
an efficient teacher who for years past
was known to be a jealous and exempla-
~ man in the cause Of Christ, and while
we bow sabmissiEely to the Divine viii,
We have the assurance that our loss is
his eternal gain.
Resided, That We earnestly extend cur
heartfelt sympathy 10 the beresved wife,
commencing her to God who has prom
ised to be comforter to the widows and
We pray that the Lord may comfort her
heart in this great sfIliction and sustain
her with that glorious hope Of meeting
beyond.
Res9irl3, That 4 copy Of these rssolu-
tons be presented to the widow, a copy
spread on the minutes Of the Sabbath
School aud a copy published in the Lu-
theran O5ssrrsr and county papers.
l. n. WoED, Mas. A. Evans,
:. \. KENDALL. Ina ScHAFF,
FLORA Will, HAsvEy B0osE,
Joint Committee.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
Wise Words.

There is more sham ia silk than in
cotton.
Money is the best slave and the worst
master.
A broken heart viii always show in
the face.
Splendid misery is the most difficult to
cure.
Three's a crowd excep. when Cupid Is
third,
Men of motley minds often have mot
ley morals.
Most Of the most beautiful things in
nature are silent
A dollar will 90 long way if you only
encourage II.
The worst people in the world are the
richest and the poorest.
What you DO, take hearty interest in
il, or be assured you will certainly fail.
Garner up pleasant thoagh.s in yoar
mind for pleasant thoughts make pleas
an. lives.
The most delicate. the most sensible
Of all pleasures consists in promoting
the pleasure Of others.
A sound discretion IS not so much in
dicated by never making a mistake as
by never repeating it.
Men Of the nOblest disposition think
themselves happiest when others share
their happiness with them.
The best teachers are those who learn
something new themselves every day,
and are not ashamed to own it.
Keep your eye on that young man
who would rather wear a $50 suit of
clothes with $40 is his pocket than to
wear so suit Of clothes with $50 in
the pocket.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
AS The Years Co BY.

A yOnng man and young woman lean
over the front gate. They are lovers.
1t is moonlight. He IS 10th to leave, az
the parting is the last. IL IS about to
90 away. She is reluctant 10 sac him de-
part. They swing on the gate.
IN never fjrget, you" he says, "and
il death should claim me, my last
thought viii be of you"
"I'll be true to you, Eshe sobs. am
never see anybody else or love them as
long as live"
They part. Sixyeirs later be returns.
Ills sweetheart off0rner years hal mar
ried. They met at a party. S1s has
changed greatly. Bst9een the dances
the recognition takes place
"Let me set" she muses., with her fan
beating tattoo on her pretty hand,
was it you or your brother who was
my old sweetheart %
Really dom. know" be says, "PrOb-
ably my father"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
Guaranteed Cure.

We authorize our advertised druggist
to sell Dr. Kings New Discovery for Con-
sumption, Coughs and Colds. upon this
condition; If you are afflicted with a
cough, cold, or any lung, throat or chest
trouble, and will use this remedy as di-
reeted. giving it fair trial, and expert
ence no benefit, you may return :he bot
tie and have your money refunded. We
could not make this offer did Ee not
know that DIR. Kings .Sew Discovery
could be relied on il never disappoints.
Trial bottle free at ;. y. Snyder's drug
tore; large sizs 50s- and Il.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
Programme.

Following Is the programme for local
institute to be held at the Harmon
School House, in Allegheny township,
Nov 4th, lo93
]. Teaching patrioiism-E f. Barclay.
,. How to interest pupils in the study
Of physiology-R o. Miller.
3. Teaching history-Miss Maggie Suhre.
4. Language work in primary grade
&C. Fl. Hartge.
). school-room discipline-C. \. Wer-
ner.
6. Teaching reading Miss Nellie
Raoads.
Z. Recitation-NIiss Clara Shoemaker.
s. The teacher on the play ground
A. j. Hillegas.
.. Teaching writing Nora En-
gleka.
The programme will be intersperseI
With music and queries. A cordial inyi-
tation is extended TO all persons interest
ed in education. Institute opens at I
O'Clock r. "
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
Very Slang Soy.

4 Detroit boy uses slang. and his faith
er doesn't ike H. The other day the
boy was talking.
"YOu say" interrupted the Ether,
that Jones Was fired %
"Yes, sir"
~Don't you mean discharged" ?"
sYes, sir"
Then why not say 80. A gun is fired
not a man."
"Well,7 said the boy, ssumped for a
moment, Jones was son ofs Gun; I
heard the old man say 80, and the faith
ther retired in notification.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
Not the First lime.

Atso hundred pound old lady the
other morning entered , West Fad
street car, and found it full Hanging BY
a strap, she cast black looks at an inof-
feHsive. but unZallant male beauty, who
sat sucking the heal Of his cane
4 suijea lurch Of the car threw the
Ady u21n him With gfelt krce.
Il say, d1n't you knoS,' exclaimed
the youth, you've crushed my foot to
jelly"
@Its no. the frs. time I've made calfs
foot Jelly" was the answer
An1 all the other people grinned and
we're glad because il had not happened
TO them.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08

Following Is the programme for a local
institute to be held at the HumbsTt school
house, in Black township, Nov. IS, 1895.
1. Address-AIrs. Ruhams Critchheid.
> Modern Teacher-Wm- Tospaun.
g. Rscitation-Miss Annie Pyle.
4. Ins,ilutes-Mr. f. H. Miller.
RECEss.
l. HistOry--Miss Emma Fike.
, Teachers qualiiication-Miss Ware.
3. A Talk-Mrs. EuhamI Criichfeld.
T. Addresses--by Directors.
.. A Song-hy Choir.
Referred QIestion-ShOuld education
be compulsory. Aiiir.-Mrs. Cdlch6eld
and Miss Ware.
Nega.-Mr. E. Il Miller and Miss Mil
ler
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
sucklan.s Arnica save

The best Salve in the ESsld for Cats
Bruises. Sores, Ulcers. Sah Kheums Fever
Sores. letter, Chapyed Hands. Chill
blains, Corns. and all Skin Eruptions.
and positively cures Piles, or DO pay re-
guired. 1t is guaranteed 10 give Perfecs
satisfaction. or money refunded Price
25 cents per box. For sale BY J. \. Sny-
der.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
A Record Breaker.

Il hope you Ike your work, my lad"
said henignant elderly person 10 a mes
senger boy. as they waited together TO
cross the street. Men who take pride in
their work are the men who succeed"
"0h, I'm a record breaker, the mana
ger says"
That's the way for boy to talk. Tell
me how you do better than the other
ooys"
II can take longer 10 carry q message
than any ofthem. ."-Nsw Hork 1sseG
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
School Report.

Tue following is the report Of tho
Senllton. Upper TurkeyfoOt township.
school, for the first month ending Fri
day, Oct. 20ih, 1875.
Whole number present during month;
Boys p Average attendance, l.
Girls Is l.
Total % 80
Per cent. Of attendance
Boys SSl IT. d,
Girls 93J V'Ni
Number present every day, II
Of visits, L
The school is thoroughly graded on
the plan of the Course Of Study" by
supt Berkey. and this, together with
free textbooks, causes everything 10
move like clock work, facilitating the
work Of teachers and insuring rapid ad-
vaneement on the part Of the pupils.
Directors and patrons are cordially in
vited to visit the sc, Ool.
JoHN p BARRON,
Teacher.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
IN MEMOREUM.

is IE'lcaz o. FH-l-a s-1IIH-
Cur irieni i dad and gone.
H.s 9.rif has tloki rs Glrht.
lfVaris - his heavenly hose,
Where perfect day sxelales the n.ght.
BeR11nl lie veil spent.
HorEius - n.sat aad lly,
Away hllPing aome waHdsrer
To inl the narrow Wzy-
rs f,rn no more ven 80,
Fos Dis work ou cardi s. daae.
LEies a2t.ies Ell arc fossht,
Anl q, last the victory wol.
Like Abraham o. old
Sc pli lis irusi ia Col.
Ani walled % iaiih l1- - sisht
As on li.s's p1;h Dc tod.
Farawell. friead Failip. fz-aaeilt
A, yau leave this earthly shore.
Wen meet again and s-iih Jesus feiga
Aud mse. % part no more.
oekvood S0r s. 1888
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08

WaiteT-WOuld You ike some cold
tongue, sir2 Mr. H4npeck No for
heavens sake, no! That is why / am
living in a restaurant. Ny Eife's mother
is whiting Us.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08

Make yur mistakes teach you some
thing. Moses never lost his temper in
the wilderness but once.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08

There are lots Of people who mix their
religion with business. buS forget 10 stir
il up we'll As result the business in
variabIy rise % the ton.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08

II we had no troubles bat real troub-
les there wouldn't be a round shouldered
an in the woEld.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1893-11-08
SAILED THE SEAS 3S YEARS.
g of rs Experlences.

Cne OF his EEJSf fences.
17- iii.v-- iriit years Capt Loud followed
tha sf-- iC=f uf thai time a. master % "a Yez-
SO. ara anon rpt5Fil- from tie water y tls .lp-
p. -.f-s lle ~acr-tarF 81 lie mixed rlltes
tic. crF % -u4cr.ntcnd liic seal fisilc tls-- -
= aia ta- vtich position be heiu i've ye1Ts- lie
81 .atCs ufiC eE perlence as follows:
-.lr sarcr-.l yessTs J had been iroubled with
-cllas.s 1eagelauees and pain ia tte lEisif-
.i rov h1rf Say greatest afttct.on 81
=iC-rie S s.=-; l. .as almost impossible % aaF
sirlo - 80 ain rest ana sieep- Having seen
1r fiiles' remedies acvcrfise1 began using
,e-- iiie- After taking q small quantity the
nal -it received vas 80 great tb4t . - Qsl-
-i.alr alarmed, thinking the remedy con-
aimed rpiltes which Wuuiu finally BE- ln1uli-
1ss 10 uue; 1rit on ceiuI assrred By the drug
-.-- tAat it uas perfectly harmless l coiiin-
t.alI Ia-ether with the Heurt Cure. Iodfy
f.al csl-- ieuriously say fLaf Pr Miles *
.aazf5re Nergiue and NcW Heart Cure did
allr- Tor lle than auyt hing had ever taken
& i.li been treated by eminent physicians
.a NcE : oTs and san francssco without ten-
H. ! ure mT present good Acalin 10 the
ind -l1- l-'. ol these most .ll ta uic ls-lle4i
aif Il.agtiiV recommend them 20 ali 4illcicd
a- Z Eas- 90 apt a. l.. Loud, Hampaen, He.
i,f. al.f-' Restorative Nerf ine ana New tuFc
.re -a-d = aii druggists ON Q positive Euar4n-
tg.. or ~ DR. Miles Medical 90. El1ilTf-
faa-. on receipt of price, n pcr cctlle- or siN
ill .-s i1r ~ express prepaid They c2e
sea f-cu al oQialcs and dangerous d zu9s.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-20
lENEHIcRN PRESS Hss0C71T70a7

gong 10 get III the basement window.
and my chum ha l revolver with some
blank cartridges, and we went down in
the basement, and when Pa was irving
to open the window my chum began TO
hre toward Ia. Pa hoilered that it was
only him and not burglar. but after
my chum fired four shots Pa run and
climbed over the fence, and then we took
the dog home, and | staid with NV
chum all night, and this morning Ma
said Pa didn't get home till o'clock, and
then policeman came with him, and Pa
talked about mad dogs and being taken
for a burglar and nearly killed, and she
said she was afraid Pa had took to drink
ing again, and size asked me if | heard
any firing OF guns, and | said no, and
then she put a wet towel on Pas head"
You ought to be ashamed" said the
grocery man. How does your Pa like
your being in love with the girl? Does
he seem to encourage YOU in it,
''Oh, yes, she was up to our house to
borry some tea, and Pa patted her on
the cheek and Rugged her and said she
was dear little daisy and wanted her
to sit IN his lap, but when wanted him
TO let me have 30 cents to buy her some
ice cream he said that was all nonsense.
He said: Look At your Ma. Eating ice
cream when she was girl was what IN
Jured her health for life | asked Ma
about 1t, and she said Pa never laid out
10 cents for ice cream or any luxury for
her in all the five years he was sparkling
her. She says he took her to a circus
once, but he got free tickets for carrying
water for the elephant. She says Pa
was tighter than the bark to a tree.
tell You it's going to be different with
me. If there is anything that girl wants
she Is going to have it if l have to sell
Mas copper boiler to get the money.
What Is the use of having wealth if YOU
hoard it up and don't enjoy it? This
family Will be run on different princi
pies after this, You bet. Say. how much
are those yellow wooden pocket combs
III the showcase? I've a good notion to
buy them for her. How would one of
them round mirrors with zinc cover do
for a present for a girl: There's nothing
too good for her"
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-20

c. L. Simonds of Lynn has made q
steam carriage for his own use that will
make 10 miles an hour. The carriage
weighs only 400 pounds and can carry
two persons at Il time. 1t has the ap-
pearance of an ordinary carriage in
front, except there are no provisions
made for horse. The wheels are of cy-
Gle make and are four in number The
hind wheels are 43 inches, and the front
wheels are SO inches, with rubber tires.
The boiler and engine are just in the
rear of the seat and give the carriage the
appearance of a fire engine. The steam
generates III what is called a porcupine
boiler, which weighs 100 pounds. The
steam is made by Ea,htha flames from
three jets. The naphtha is kept in Il cyl
inder, enough 10 last for seven hours.
and there is water tank that will hold
10 gallons. The steering part consists
of aerank wheel on the footboard, so
that the engineer can steer and attend 90
the engine at the same time.-Boston
Letter.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-20
To be Continued.
Bigness of the Fair.

To visit the fair with profit or COM
fort you must leave your sense of duty
behind. Whoever goes there with intent
to thoroughly do it is laying up for
himself anguish of mind and the COM
plete humiliation Of his muscular and
nervous force. 1t is far too big for any
question of conscience to be allowed to
enter in.
Its bigness is beyond description No
words or pictures can tell the story of
its size. Experience alone can teach it.
You must go there day after day, to re-
turn at night with tired eyes and aching
limbs, and with the bitter and ever in
creasing knowledge that as an exhibit
ton you can never grasp it. Where 9TH
er exhibitions have been satisfied with a
display of 100 cubic feet of any special
article, Chicago must have at least an
acre. OF whatever the world has seen
before this time, it now sees larger spec
linens and more of them. This means
for the visitor more steps, more fatigue,
more confusion, more time and more
money.-Scribner's.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-20

and he went ever log and struck on
hls shoulder. The gun flew out of his
hands, and Pa he laid there on his neck
with his feet over the log, and that was
the first time he didn't scold me since he
got relidgin. | felt offul sorry and got
some dirty water in my hat and poured
it down his neck and laid him ont, and
pretty soon he opened his eyes and asked
II any of the passengers got ashore alive.
Then his eye swelled out so it looked
like blue doorknob, and Pa felt of his
jaw and asked if the engineer and fire
man jumped off or if they went down
with the engine. He seemed dazed, and
then he saw the gun. and he said take
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-20
Remarkable Cures by Faith.

AT the Christian alliance camp meet
Ing nearly 200 persons personally testi-
he'd to having been cured by faith,
and twice as many more stood up
at the close of the meeting when their
leader, DIR. Simpson, asked all in the
audience who hal been healed by divine
power to arise. Mrs. Welcome of Var
mouth was one of those who claimed to
have been cured of lung disease without
the aid of physician. Mrs. w. NJ
Davis OF Benny Eagle had been relieved
of spinal trouble of long standing; Mrs.
NJ. j. Ames of Portland neuralgia of the
heart and pleurisy; Miss j. o. Thomp-
son of Portland has been cured of
tumor, and Miss Jennie NJ. Berwick of
the same city had seven teeth extracted
without suffering any pain. Mrs. F. G.
Clark of Tyngsboro, Mass, who suffered
paralysis of the optic nerve, which nearly
robbed her of her eyesight, was led to
the camp ground, became anointed and
her sight was restored. Mrs. G. F. Uran
of Lowell, Mass, was cured of an inter
nal cancer.
H. K. Smith of New Britain, Conn.
said that he had been cured of a cancer
without the aid of physician. Mrs. NJ
]. Clark of New York gave testimony
that few years ago she fell in a church
door and broke her wrist. Neither medi-
cine nor bandage was applied, but the
Lord united the broken bones. Another
New York lady said she was thrown
from carriage not long ago, and her
right ankle was dislocated. The Lord
set the dislocated bone. The Rev. A. S.
Orne of Haverhill, Mass, said that for
seven years he had employed no physi-
clan in his family. In that time one
child had been cured of the Group and
another of pneumonia without the use of
medicine. An infant had died, but Mr..
Orne declared that its death was due to
a broken heart.-Old Orchard Cor. New
York World.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-20


the dam thing away, 1t is gong to Kick
me again. Then he got his senses and
wanted to know if he killed a goose, and
l told him no, but he nearly broke ones
Jaw, and then he said the gun kicked
him when it went off. and he laid down,
and the gun llt pt kicking him more than
20 times when he was trying to sleep.
He went back to the tavern where we
were stopping and wouldn't touch the
gun, but made me lug it. He told the
tavern keeper that he fell over wire
fence, but think he began to suspect.
after he spit the loose teeth ont, that the
gun was loaded FOR bear. | suppose he
will kill ME some day Don't you think
he Wilt"
ANY coroners jury would let him off
and call it justifiable if he should kill
you. You must be lunatic. Has your
Pa talked much about it since you got
back?" asked the grocery man.
Not much. You see he can't talk
much without breaking his Jaw. Pit
he was able to throw Il chair at me.
You see, thought would joke him lit
tie, cause when anybody feels bad joke
! kind of livens EN- up, so we We're tall
ing about Pas liver, and Ma said he
seemed 10 be better since his liver had
become more active, and | said, Pa
when You was a-rolling over with the
gun chasing you and kicking you every
round your liver was active enough,
cause it was on top half the time Then
Pa throwed the chair at me. He says he
believes l knew that cartridge was load
3 ed"
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1893-09-20

"'' IN came to let the eat in"
len l was going TO leave her at the
Size kissed me, and that was worse
a ''.mg my arm around her. By
4 l. Templed all over Just like ! had
.a, j was as warm as toast. She
. let 90 for much as minute,
4 was tired rs though / had been
.- 'D" up stairs. | didn't want
4 "."'a at all, but she said it would
0.s5 way for Inc to 20 home
! '''' aS~n the next day, and the
morning l Went to her house be-
Z ."s OF them We're up, and her Pa
4 4. 'el the cat in. and ! asked him
4 .Iie ms girl got up, and he LATED
4 anu mad got it bad, and that l had
q 50 nom and not be picked till
q 'tI' Say, how much does it cost to
H 49, / should say you had got it
"a ~. ''' 'ne grocery man as he set out
II nv. Vi Deets. Your getting in love
i 7''at thing for your Pa. You
4 a n"'' any time to play any more
"A guess we can find time to keep
Il D''hs lonesome. Have you seen
4 fs morning; You ought to have
4 81" I'St night. You see, my chum's
4 7oI setter dog stuffed. 1t is one
'.'I TWO Years ago, and he Thought
N'"I OF 1t, and he had it stuffed
II l'I"'nent. Well, my chum and
~ Su' dog and put it on our front
a ''0 look some cotton and fastened
Jog mouth so it looked lust
..u' ana We got behind the door
,''eu Tor Pa to come home from
Il s ,. When Pa started to come
steps growled, and Pa looked at
b a , . tul sad, Mad dog, by crimus.'
rr started down the sidewalk. and
i ~ r'n parked just like a dog, and |
y an. and growled like dog that gets
! , ana you ought to see Pa run.
"E'I arQUndin the alley and was