Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-11-15

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turned loose" Washington Star.
Prisoner-''I beg you, judge, not
to condemn me-not on my account,
but so as not to injure the prospects
of my counsel. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
After all, it is the condition of
trade that regulates fashions. Near
ly all kinds of garments are worn
longer in dull times than in prosper
Gus ones.-Boston Courier.
When the autumn winds grow chilly
And when vegetation dies,
There is one great satisfaction
We get even with the flies.
Kansas City Journal.
"The Anger is sharp fellow"
said the hammer to the Saw, "but
he runs around a good DEAL" "Yes;"
replied the Saw slowly, between
his teeth, "and what an awful bore
he is!"-Vogue.
Diamonds are said to be bad form
in the morning. Still we have
known chap with five diamonds to
be envied by everyone else at the
table quite early in the morning.
Boston Bulletin.
Young Slurger used to be quite
a hand at drawing before he went
to college" 'He is yet" "What
does he draw on most, architecture
al plans?" "Nope; on his father"
Buffalo Courier.
Fond parent-"I cannot inter-
fere, Bobby; your teacher writes
me that she thrashed you on prin-
clple." Bobby-"Well, she didn't.
Don't you think know where she
licked me?"-Life.
Judge-"Why, didn't you call a
policeman when the man assaulted
you with club?" Citizen--"Call a
policeman! Good heavens! your
honor, wasn't l thumped enough as
it was? ?"-New York Herald.
Mrs. Cumo (holding up the art
icle admiringly Isn't it duck of
bonnet? Mr.. Cumo-It's more
like a pelican of a bonnet. Mrs.
C.--What do you mean, dearP Mr..
C.-The bill is too big for q duck.
Truth.
Beautiful" answered the fair
Pittsburg girl when asked whether
the Worlds Fair was attractive.
Beautiful? Well, I should just
say it is. The buildings look as
though they were carved out of
solid ice cream. Chicago Record.
"Please ma'an,," SAID the boy,
"can't you help mep have wife
and three children" you? Why,
you're not old enough to be mar
ried." mo, but my father is. It's
his wife and three children that |
has to support. ."-Harpcr's Bazaar.
Mistress-"Do you mean to tell
me, Bridget, that you let baby eat
seven bananas?" Bridget-"An'
sure, ma'am, didn't yez tell me, the
last thing, goin' out, to moind the
baby, an sure he ordered the whole
siven. ."-Harper's Young People.
Extract from a new novel
"Stand where you are, Reginald
de Coursey! Advance one step
nearer and | will tell you what |
saw at the worlds fairr' "Foiled
again. Kissed the villain, as he
faded from view.--Philadelphia Re-
cord.
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Professor-"Johnsin, my boy, art
thou enticing one of the finny tribe
to engulf into his denticulated
mouth the barbed hook, on whose
treacherous points applied the dain-
ty allurementp" Johnsin-"No,
sab; I'm NEW Orleans
Times-Democrat.
"See here" said the man who
had married widow, hasn't your
hair turned gray rather suddenly
since we were wedp" "Oh," said
she, "that's from fright. / was so
scared when you proposed to me,
don't you know."-Indianapolis
Journal.
The Sagacious Porter--Palace car
porter (out west)--"Don't CUB me
no fee, sab, till we gets to de end
OBJ de trip" Passenger-"Very
well. Just as you prefer" Porter
-"Yes, sab. You see, desc train
robbers always goes for me fust,
an eff | amt got muffin dey say de
passengers amt got muffin an goes
off."-New York Weekly.