davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

The only thing left now,' said
the counsel to his client, lis the
Judges charge" How much is 1t
likely to be?' asked the client, anx-
iousLY.-Trnth.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

Madge Cat theplay lis it Ophelia
that always goes mad? | never
can remember. No; half the time
its the audience.--Chicag Inter
Ocean.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

He who loves and runs away
May live to love another day;
But as a rule, | am afraid
He also loves another maid.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

He that has lost his faith, what
staff has he left.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

Love laughs at locksmiths, but
You bet it doesn't laugh at plum
bers.-EX.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

Even when hard at work the
cooper has a staving good time.--
Boston Courier.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

Mrs. Brown-Who was best man
at your wedding?"
Mrs. White-Why my husband,
of course. Harvard LampoOn.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

In most games of cards "A good
deal depends on IA good deal.-Bing-
hamton Leader.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15
Hum Phi r EYS'

This PRECIOUS OINTMENT is the
triumph Of Scientific Medicine.
Nothing has ever been produced to
equal or compare with it as CURATIVE
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For Piles External or Internal, Blind
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immediate t the cure certain.
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Contraction from Burns. The reliefis instant
the healing wonderful and unequaled.
For Boils, Hot Tumors Ulcers. Fistulas,
Old Sores, Itching Eruptions, Chafng or
Scald Head. 1t is Infalliblc.
For Innamed or Caked Breasts and Sore
Nipples. 1t is invaluable.
Price, so Cents. Trial size, IS Cents.
Sold by Drugg sent postpaid on receipt Of price,
HUMPHREYS NED. co., IiI&IIs william ST.. NEW YORK.
ulH GE - Ea 1p n 1@u Am
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15
A Dozen for 10 Cts.

The DETROIT FREE PRESS Will send you Twelve
Columbia Photos Same size as cup and Tho
Weekly Free Press. one year for sf.1O.
send with your subscription a cabinet or card
photograph (tintypo VIII not dol OF yourself or
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The Columbia Photos will be made in the highest
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They will be
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Their equal In quality cannot be obtained elsewhere
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write your name and p. o. address on tho back OF
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pleted.
DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE.
Send si.io direct TO our oflce at once-nrst come
rrsf
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15
0. |. PARTRIDGE.
Real Estate Agent

Rooms 4, 5, Dawson Block.
wnl take charged of estates for residents and non.
residents. collect rents, pay taxes place insurance
obtain abstracts OF title. etc.
Office hours-10 to 12A. NJ, 4to6P.M,
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15
MICHIGAN CENTRAL
"The Niagara Falls Route"
Time Card in Effect.

Daily. I Daily except Sunday. Carrying
passengers with permits.
Parlor car on day trains and sleeping on
night trains.
The direct line TO Niagara Falls, Buffalo, New
York, Boston, Detroit, Toledo, Chicago, and all
points in the United States and Canada.
Through tickets 10 all points in the United States
and Canada.
}. WHITING, Ticket Agent
o. w, RUGGLEs, q. p. & T. Agt.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

Husband can read my wife
like book. Father-in-law-May-
be; but can YOU shut her up?-
New York journal.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

A miller seldom complains al
though his is the most grinding of
all vocations. Troy Press.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

"And you, dear old fellow, will
you never marry?" Never. ] de-
test all games Of chance. Boston
Herald
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

To harrow ones feelings isn't the
most profitable way of cultivating
an acquaintance.-Boston Tran
script.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15

Funny, isn't it, that no marriage
ceremony is a success unless there
is hitch in it somewhere?- ?-Sift-
inps.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-03-15
NUMEROUS.

~ Ah1thO
He who loves and runs away
May live to love another day;
But as rule, | am afraid
He also loves another maid.
Love laughs at locksmiths, but
You bet it doesn't laugh at plum
bers.-EX.
In most games of cards good
deal depends on good deal.-Bing-
hamton Leader.
Even when hard at work the
cooper has staving good time
Boston Courier.
4 miller seldom complains al
though his is the most grinding of
all vocations. Troy Press.
Funny, isn't it, that no marriage
ceremony is q success unless there
is a hitch in it somewhere ?-Sift-
ings.
To harrow ones feelings isn't the
most profitable way of cultivating
an acquaintance.-Boston Tran
script.
And you, dear old fellow, will
you never marry?" Never! ] de-
test all games of chance, Boston
Herald.
Husband can read my wife
like book. Father-in-law May
be; but can You shut her up?-
New York Journal.
Mrs. Brown--W ho was best man
at your wedding?"
Mrs WHY my husband
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
TOUCHING THE LAW OF LIBEL.

In discussing the true province of
journalism, the Toledo News, an inde-
pendent Republican journal, observes
editorially as follows on the question of
libel:
Lawyers, too, have duties to per-
form. Their duties do not differ much
from those of the press, so far as pub
lie rights are concerned. Is a lawyer
justified in doing anything and every
thing he is paid for dong? Is it not
fact that the bar Is nn "unweeded
garden" in which are things so rank
that they call loudly for reformP Is
1t not fact that one-half the litigation,
so expensive to the people, is encour-
aged, If not wholly trumped up by al
legged lawyers. The public is growing
weary of this and general clearing ouC
is sorely needed. Law and courts exist
for the protection of the people, and
not as means of existence for men
who engage in schemes no better than
blackmail"
The Ohio legislature is now strug-
Cling with q new libel bill that may
tend somewhat to reduce court expen-
ses in the future. Thi, bill proposes to
protect all innocent persons who are
uDjusGly assaile in newspapers, and al
the same time protect honest and re-
sponsible journals from the liability of
petty annOyances and useless expense
under the present law. We notice that
nearly all the reputable newspapers OF
Ohio, of both parties, are advocating
tbs passage of the pending bill.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
MORE ON THE SQUIRREL HUNTERS.

The Canton News DEMOCRAT directs
its shafts of ridicule at the squirrel
hunters" who sought John Morgan
during his historical raid through Ohio,
with sedulous care not to ilud him.
These amateur soldiers deserve much
of the fun that is thrust at them, but
the NEws-DEMoCRAT should not SO
belle history as to say that Morgan
did not lose a man from gunshOt
wounds" 1t oVerlooks the battle of
Burlington Island, where Major Nc
Cook was killed, and where Morgan
lost number OF men East Liverpool
Crisis.
We did not overlook the battle of
Burlington Island; bur that battle was
not fought by the squirrel hunters, but
by the regular troops. The writer OF
this happened TO be there, and had the
extreme pleasure Of conducting
the captured privates of John Morgan's
command TO the military prison
at Indianapolis, and the officers of John
MorRan's command, who were captur-
cd in that brief but brilliant engage
ment, very little blood was spilled) to
the lonely island in Lake Erie, known
as Johnson's Island. We accord all
praise to the squirrel hunters. They
were patriotic and full of fire, but as
they were not injured in the brief SER
vice, we are not in favor of pensioning
them for life on the government. We
favor liberal pensions to disabled sol
diers, and serVice pensions to all others
in the ratio of merit and time of ser
vice.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
WORDS THAT ARE SAID NOT TO RHYME


About 5000 words in the Euglish Ian
eusQe have no rhyme 20 them. These in-
clude Buch important words as honor,
virtue, gulf andecho.-IIliuois State Reg
ister.
Still we might wiring out some rhyme
to jingle with honor. For instance:-
Before the awful blight came on her.
You could bet your soul upon her.
She was bullded on her honor.
Speaking OF virtue, it looks like q
poser. Still there are some combinations
and contrivances that make quite u
necessity of virtue-to rhyme with. To
illustrate:-
II she hits you she will hurt you,
II she sneezss, she will ker-chew,
II she talks she will avert you;
But she IS sturdy In her virtue!
AS TO gulf, IL is a noun of capacious
scope, but with very little postic ex-
preston, and we are somewhat at Bay
TO know just what to say, We are COM
PEELED to adopt the style of the greatly
lamented Walt Whitman, in order to
engulf this plain, unrythmic word:-
She was given much to gulph;
Through her gulet up she gulphed
lizard. she had gulphed;
TIL her stomach had grown fetld
And she gulphed up to regretlt,
Now it looks very difficult to tackle
an echo. An echo is nothing but a
reflex noise at best, and if we rhyme it,
it must be in reflective way. Let us
see how 1t works:
In the wltch-ing days OF NEGRO
Mancers Of the necrolOgic class,
The stif-necked Puritans to check, %,
Hung them up by the neck, OH
And sent them swift to grass
And they never left an echo
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09

SesJs those OF the kanRaroos. ~ ~
probable that they served the same
purpose as the latter II this is so
many of these reptiles must have been
able TO take immense leaps, possibly
travelling round the world in very
short time, shaking the surface of 1t as
they went. If a kangaroo four feet
high can jump twenty feet, how far
could an Atlantosaurus eighty feet
high jump?
Iguanodon Benissartensis is horri-
BILE mockery of a kangaroo, that grace
full and amoosin' little cuss. His tall
is immense, and II he jumped far with
IL he must have been tremendously
powerful to have been able 10 carry 1t,
and no doubt he was The bones and
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
THE TOLEDO INSANE ASYLUM UNHAPPI
NESS.

Up in Toledo where ex- Governor and
Secretary of the Treasury Foster is
well known, and where he has large
interests in that invisible something
known in the meters and Natural Gas,
some unreasonable persons are not'saG-
isded with Secretary Fosters explaua-
tiOn OF the charges against him, as
Trustee of the Toledo Insane ASYLUM.
The Toledo Journal, which is owned by
Republican, does not seem satisfied
with Fosters self vindication. Here is
exactly what the Toledo Journal says
about this perpleXing case; and we print
it as e sentiment, which appears to
pervade the atmosphere of the murky
and fog cursed Maumee valley;
at should excite little comment that
Secretary of the Treasury Charles Fos-
tor is connected, as an official, with in
stitutions which are supplying the in
sane asylum. Mr.. Foster has for some
time been president of the Northwestern
Ohio Natural Gas company, and was
one of the foremost to sustain that es-
| tablshment when it was vigorously
| assailing the city. Sustaining evidence
| of his occupying questionable relations
| with the asylum in this particular is
easily at hand for the asking, at least
here In Toledo. What with the scandal
attaching to paying two prices for
| clothing, charged against the asylum
management and not dlsproved, and
| with one OF its trustees, hOnored by the
| nation, selling it goods from which he
| derives u profit, Governor Mckinley
might try the toe of his boot to the man
who has stood for years opposing
| Toledo without extracting tears from
many eyes hereabOuts.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
A TRUE VIEW OF CARNEGIE
From the Chicago Herald.

If peace of mind and personal ease
were the only valuable things in this
world King Carnegie would be entitled
to the admiration aud envy of civiIiza.
liUu At the head of q mammoth in-
btitudon which during the past few
months has been the scene of one of
the most terrible labor conflicts of
modern times--a q conflict which has de-
fa ed the record of American institu-
tiUus with wauton murder and cause
less OlenCe, in whose train have fol-
love Gu want, starvation and even the
uas Uf poison by irresponsible aud deS.
peraJa men-at the head of this estub
lishment during this entire period, able
By word or the signal of a hand to put
stop to the whole wreched business
by aOoli hing tue injustice which
caused IT, King Carnegie now comes
forward and with spirit of cheerful
ness and contentment never before
equaled announces that he has re
tired" from Homestead affairs long
ago; that he possessed and possesses
neither power nor responsibility there.
for; that he believes in man "takiug 1t
easy" after he reaches certain age;
that his heart" is III Pennsylvania, ana
that Manager Frick is one of the best
and greatest men of his acquaintance.
King Carnegies hypocrisy IS as bland
/ as summer morning. IL not only
permits him TO shirk all blame for the
| Homestead outrages, but leads him to
| disquisition on the brotherhood OF
| capital and labor, and upon himself as
| the good, kind, benevolent humanitarian
which, If one did not recognize the
falsitV and cOWardice of IT, Would re
taken as an authentic prophecy Of the
millennium; mil mi, a,,sd But King Carnegie can sn
not tool anybody. history and the
puUpS tprageSv " Of % Gomestesdpbim and 1 the t
protection" which has given birth tc
him and his like and fOstereG them II
the perpetration of their iniquities.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
SHALL WE ANNEX THESE IsLANDs7

THE Sandwich Islands have about
$1,000 inhabitants. OF these 10000 are
Cinnamon. There are q few thousand
Americans and other foreigners and
whites of native birth, including hund-
reds of mixed blood, who are civilized
and educated. The bulk Of the native
population are Polynesians, race
about half way between the Malays
aud negroes. They are said to be igno-
rant, debased, diseased with leprosy and
other loathsome ailments, with all the
vices which civilization has introduced,
and many vices peculiarly their own.
These are the kind of humans that
would not add much to the intrinsic
value of our population.
The Sandwich Islands are twelve I'm
number, with an aggregate area of only
6,400 square miles, They are supposed
to be Of volcanic origin. The soil in
the valleys Is fertile, and well adopted
to planting and grazing. IL is t.,ii-
mated that tle Islands contain Two
million acres of good grazing land.
The mountain oidcS ahouud In fOT"7'9
in which there is an abundance of ship
timber and all the ornamented woods.
Sugar Is tie principal product. lher-
are between forty and fl Y sugar
plantations, mpking about 10000 tOns
Of sugar per annum. The islands we Q
first discovered by Gaetano, Spanish
navigator, in 1912. Capt. Cook, the
great navigator, visited The islands in
1778, and spent some tins with his
vessels at the island of Hawaii, where
by his abuse Of the unbOunded hospi-
tality of the natives, he was killed in
a quarrel, Feb. Ii, 1879. or course they
ate him, The first missionaries who
tried to civilize these wild eyed savages,
arrived in 1920. They were Americans,
seven, with their wives.
The independence of these islands
was recognized by the United States in
1929, and more formally in 1S43. En-
gland, France aud, Belgium recognized
their independence in 1874.
Our kind of civilization has not aided
the population of these mid-ocean
ISLANDS. The savages have absoi bed
all the vices Of the white race, but none
of the virtues.
When Capt. Cook landed on the
islands in 1878, he estimated the popu-
lation at 100000 In 1923, the popula-
tion had dwindled to 10000. BY q
census taken in 1850 they had only
Si,165. In December, 1884, they had
only $4,000 all told, which included
10000 Chinese. The native born popu-
lation had dwindled to 10000; most of
whom would have been better off
dead.
The foreign population is rapidly in
creasiug, and If we shall annex these
islands, doubtless enough Americans
would join the colony already there
(some 2OOO) to shove the Polynesians into
a state of innocuous desuetude; and
together with the 1 POO Englishmen and
| ,6O0,Germans, make staple govern
ment; with the banner of the "A stars
waving above the coral reefs and ex
tinct craters of the dead VOLCANOES
making these islands of the North Pa
cidc seas, bright aud shining
oasis of the western oceans.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
SLIGHTLY Mixed.

A Chicago paper tells of a young
man who had just returned from Eu-
rope, and was showing his friends
some photographs He came to one Of
the tomb of Juliet, and, after giving
an account of it, said: 'Juliet's 0sso-
phagus is full of cards" This would
be degree or two worse for poor Ju-
liet than cold poison, to say nothing
of it's utter impossibility at this late
date. He wound up with glowing
talk on Venice and the "Dratic" Sea.
A pious Old lady of my acquaintance
happened in at Christian Endeavor
meeting, which is always held before
the regular night church service. She
was much impressed with the young
peoples earn estRess, and especially
pleased with the singing, She said:
"Oh, I do love TO hear 'em singl They
sing with such venomr'
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09

TR1CERAToPs PRoIsUs, LENGTH 25 FEET,
teeth of the giant reptiles show that
they were strong in proportion to their
size. Iguanadon was thirty feet long.
Stegosaurus Ungulatus, about thirty
feet long, is a reptile whose outlines
are possibly initiated by some small
lizard to-day, but they are very un-
usual He is probably the most heavily
armored reptile of the lot, The ridge
of spikes along his back would enable
him to saw his way through most OBJ
stacles. Even Atlantosaurus would
not venture to sit down on Stego-
saurus.
Among the smaller things that
skipped about the earth were frogs
that weighed ton and huge lizards
of many varieties. The Mosasarus, q
reptile with neck thirty feet long,
swan about in the ocean in suitable
company. The Ramporynchus, rep
tile who divided his time between fly
ing and swimming, was among that
company. Dimorphedons, flying rep
tiles with the characteristics of bats
and alligators, filed the air.
WILTON HARRIS.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
A SENATOR'S HUSH MONEY.
He Reduces the Price of Monkey Jackets
to Please a Joker.

to Flease a Joker.
Senator Morse was too much of q
man to be ashamed of his calling, and
never failed to turn the tables on any
one who chaffed him about 1t. story
used to be told Of visit paid to his
store in Boston by a Washington swell
who had met him at tho Metropolitan
Club, and thought to have little
amusement at his expense As the
visitor entered Mr., Morse was just in
the act of bowling out a customer to
whom he had sold largo bill of goods,
"Ha, Morse!" cried the Washing
tonian, ''how l wish the fellows at the
club could see you now. l watched
the way you handled that poor
wretch 1t was artistic, but it wouldn't
do to tell away from home. What
will you give me to keep quiet about
itP'
The clothler looked his caller In the
face without smile.
81 must gif you someding to buy
your silence?" he asked, soberly.
Certainly. It's only fair that
should be rewarded for holding a good
thing back"
Mr. Morse turned to one of his
clerks:
"Choseph," he said, get down one
o. dem monkey chacllets We sell for
two tollars and a quarter. Let dis
chentleman 'af it for one tollar and
seventy five cont-he's a frient of
mine"
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09

o guinea pig in comparison with
them. Flying reptiles with teeth that
would crush boat and swimming
reptiles, whose appearance would put
that Of the modern sea serpeant to
shame, abounded.
Few Of us have sufficiently strong
sporting instincts to wish to live in a
world inhabited by such reptiles as
these. 1t is TO bo noted that man
usually hunts animals on account OF
their beauty and that the greater their
physical attractions the greater is the
desire to kill them. The tiger is the
most beautiful of animals and tiger
hunting is the most rousing of all
sports. Alligator hunting does
not call forth much enthusiasm,
but even the alligator, though not beau-
tiful as to the features, has a skin
that is worthy of alteration. Neither
boa constructor nor hyena nor vulture
hunting is popular with the lovers Of
big game, because these things are un-
pleasant. What sportsmanlike JOY
then could there have been in bagging
hideous caricature of bird fifteen
feet long, with jaws more powerful
than a crocodile2 The only possible
| Joy would have been in the thought
that you had diminished the family Of
| Dimorphodons, or whatever other your
| catch may have belonged to, but the
feeling would not have been sports
manlike. Could one have looked for
ward with pleasure to having such a
bird broiledP Possibly, for reptiles
| not infrequently provide succulent
meat, but in any case the size would
have made it nuisance. But, as 1t
happened, there were no men about
in those days.
In the Mezozoic period in geology,
! or the reptilian age, the Dionosaurs
| had the earth practically to them
selves. Mammalian quadrupeds did
| not exist, and, indeed, could not, as
| long as the Dinosaurs hourished In
large numbers. An elephant could
not have hoped to have trowsed long in
peace while an Iguanodon Benissarten-
! sis was feeding himself on giant trees.
| The Iguanodon would have taken the
| elephant who presumed to nourish
himself in his neighborhood into his
mouth, bit him in two and then spot
him out, for the Iguanodon was a
vegetarian. An elephant, we must
remember, though he appears gigantic
to us, is seldom more than nine feet
high at the shoulder, while many q
reptile of the Mezozoic period was
eighty feet long.
1t is q strange thing that many Of
these reptiles bear startling resem
blance to modern mammalian quadru
peds. The superficial resemblance
is so remarkable that it would
no doubt be very annoying tc
any self-respecting mammal who
should happen to see these pictures
The expression on the faces of the
reptiles is, however, one thing that a
once sets them apart from the nam
mails. 1t is really very offensive. Lool
at Tricerotops Prorsus, a horned rep
tile, about twenty-five feet long. II
his general makeup, both in the heat
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1893-02-09
TO Mnsh Moolen shewIs.

Scrape one pound of soap, boil it
down in sufficient water; when cool
ing beat it with the hand-it will be a
sort of jelly; add three tablospocGfuls
of spirits of turpentine and one of
spirits of hartshorn. Wash the arti-
clS5 well in it, thon rinse in cool water
until all the soap is taken of, then in
salt and water Fold between two
sheets, taking care not to allow two
folds of the article washed to come to-
gcther. Iron with slightly warmed
iron. Shawls done in this way look
like new. Salt is to be used only
where there are delicate colors that
moV run.