The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1893-09-21
HICKS PATENT COOKER.
The Pathetic Story That Induced
the Rector to Buy.

81 would like to call your attention
to my paytent cooker, said the mild
hammered man with the soft low voice
to the rector of st. Bartholomew's. 1T
consists, as mebbe you can see"
But l don't desire cooker, and
would not look at one if l did, inter
rupted the rector of st. Bartholomew
in as irascible manner as is permitted
to his cloth.
'"They come in three Sizes" contin-
ued the mild-mannered man with the
soft low voice. small, mejum and
large. They're made of tin, genuwine
block tin, not rolled tin. I have fire.
uuently been congratulated on the
quality of my tin. Said Bishop Dobson
to me: Hicks, congratulate you ON
the quality of your tin.'"
''Bishop Dobson?" queried the rector
of st. Bartholomew's with languid in
terest, Il don't remember to have seen
his name in the church calendar"
"Methody," explained the mild-man-
nered man. I'm Methody. Here's
certificate from my pastor saying I'm
an individooal of moral character and
use good tin in my cookers. Here's
letter from Rev. Edward Atkins-but
don't set much store by that, bein' as
he is Baptis', and no judge of tin.
The principle on which my cooker is
based" ..
''You will have to excuse me-" said
the rector of st. Bartholomew's, look.
ing hard at the heavy gold watch pre-
sented him by the parish ON shfs> last
birthday, ''but l have a sermon to
write"
''Mebbe your lady would like to see
the cooker" said the mild-mannered
man. ''It's made of genuwine Block
tin, and Bishop Dobson himself said:
Hicks congratulate you on the quail
ity of your tin"
II have no WIFE" said the rector,
with the merest suspicion of blush.
"Then buy cooker and git one," said
the mild-mannered man, confidentially.
with Hicks paytent cooker as an
argumint, you will git one easy. They
come IN three sizes-small, mejum and
large. This here is the small one.
Folds all up, you see. like telescope.
Mebbe you wouldn't believe it, but one
OF them small-sized cookers saved my
life once. 1t was in the spring of 1858,
or the fail of 1852, or the winter of
1854, l don't remember which and it
don't make no difference, that Rev. DR..
James Wilyums, d. D., and took pas
sage for Africky in the brig Thomas J.
Walkup, goin' as missionaries to some
OF the numerous cannibal tribes that
keeps down the population, and conse-
quently accounts for the depressed
values of real estate in the Dark Con-
tinent. Rev. DR.. Wilyuns was to teach
the savages religion, but my mission
was a more important one. was to
Introduce Hicks paytent cooker among
EN-. You can see that even this large
sized cooker won't hold a man, to say
nothin of the mejum and small
ones Now | calculated to teach the saw
ages to use my cookers, and when they
got SO attached to 'em as to never eat
nothin' except what was cooked IN a
cooker-seein that you couldn't cook a
man IN 'em--cannibalism would natur-
ally die out. When broached my plan
10 Bishop Dobson his eyes shone and he
said: Go, Hicks, go. Your work will
supplement the work of Rev. DR.. Will
yums. | heartily commend your plan,
and congratulate you on the quality
OF your tin Them was his words, and
/ lwent.
We'll, sir, the mornin' after 1 ar
rived in Africky / began to talk to the
chief about my cooker, when what
ooes ne do but take me down to the
ieadin' grocery store of the town and
snow me Rev. DR.. .Wilyums chained up.
Can you cook him?' axed the chief
No, said /, my breath all gone
with surprise at the turn affairs had
took.
Well,' said the old chief 'them's
the kind of victuals we eats. We don't
consume much in the way of breakfast
ioods, infants foods and the like. II
your cooker can't cook our style of pro.
visions we amt got any use for it.
And with that they put me in their
jan, and that was the last l ever seen
or heerd of Rev. DIR. James Wilyums
u D They would have ct me at once
out the chiefs daughter, :Ugogina, fell
IN love with me, and made 'em put of
the obsequies or festivities, according
as You looked at it FROM my stand
point or the savages'. :. I talked nice to
ogogina, and got her to bring me m,
smailslzed cooker, the only one the olt
Witch doctor what kept the cooker
would let her have; and with that
0'0ked them savages the finest kinds o