The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-05-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

1t was Jonah who first remarked, Il
am not in it, !" as he surveyed the whale
that had deposited him on dry land
Life.
Terence -Cr@sus was the richest
man of ancient times Terence Jr.-
Was he middle or heavy weight?-
Detroit Tribune.
@Does Ying Lee show any evidence
of conversion?" "Yes, he wants to
marry his Sunday-school teacher. -
Philadelphia Record.
aWen," said Cholly, "cigawette
smoke kills microbes" aYes, replied
Blaggins, "and horrible death it
must be. - Washington Star.
"That's q curious milk pail of yours. !"
said the milk man. "'Tain't near as
curious as that pale milk of yours, !"
replied the servant girl Washington
Star.
He-Dearest, would you be willing
to live with me on 81, 800 yearp She
II would, dearest, but / am afraid
Fido would never be able to stand it.
-Iruth.
@You say you were at the Simpsons
masquerade? / am sure did not rec
ognize you. In what costume were
yoaP" Il went in my mind. ."-Isdiaas-
dpotss Journal.
He-I don't see what people keep
diaries for; can keep all my affairs
in my head. She-That's a good way,
too; but not every one has the room.
Comic Cats.
Doctor really believe you have
some kind of poison in your system.
Patient (gloomily)-I shouldn't Won
der. What was that last stuff you
gave meP-Judge.
Taddells Gas he takes his seat at a
restaurant table)-rm hungry enough
to eat fried bark. Waiter-Pm sorry,
sir, but we have no sausage today
Detroit Free Press.
Says fashion note: "The return OF
the shawl is prophesied." And now
will somebody be sufficiently brave to
predict the return of the umbrella
Boston Transcript.
Chappie-Say, Barlow, look at that
chorus girl smiling at us. wonder
which of US is thus honoredP Barlow
1t is probably I-she used to be my
old nurse. Vogue.
aNow do you really think, Mr..
Knumskul -" began the Boston
maid earnestly. 90, no." was the
apologetic reply. 81 merely make a
bluff at it."-IRe Club.
@Poor Jack! he never could spell,
and it ruined him." "How?" aHe
wrote verse to an heiress he was in
love with, and he wrote honey for
honru H0o.oaoo.3c RU1Ua.
Mrs. Hicks-What made your cook
leave, you did all you could to make
her contentedP Mrs. Dix-I should
say did. I even asked to have our
policeman transferred.-N 7. Times.
Daughter Cooking up from her
noveD-Papa, in time of trial what do
you suppose brings the most comfort
to manP Papa (who is district judge)
An acquittal, l should think. BrooA-
Ign Life.
@Who makes the laws, father?" "Our
what are lawyers forP" @They are
created, my boy, to explain to legis-
lators the meaning of their laws. p
Boston Gazette.
Proud Father-But do you think
baby looks anything like me? Diplo-
matte Friend-I don't think it would
be wise in the baby's presence to ex-
press my opinion as to that matter
Boston Transcript.
He-Remembe that you have prom
ised solemnly to be a sister to me.
She-Yes; but you mustn't act as if
you thought you were the only rela-
tive of that kind have in the world.
Boston Beacon.
Old Gravely-H you do not care to
be my wife perhaps the prospect of be-
ing rich young widow might tempt
you. Minnie eagerly 20, Mr.. Grave
ly! If | were only sure could trust
you!LDetroit Free Press.
@Yes, sir" said the young man, II
want to work for the government
"O!" said the Congressman, his face
Frightening. Il didn't get things
right at first; thought you wanted
an Office. = Washington Star.
"An' phwat do this meanp" inquired
Mr.. Hennessy as he pointed to the
words Amor patrie." "Thot," said
Mr.. Dolan, "thot's 18th of March
motto It means the love of Patrick,
begorra. - Washington Star.
Neighbor-Well, Patrick, I'm glad
your master is dead. He was an old
skinfint, anyway. Patrick (indig-
nantly )-Faith, and Oh bet if he wor
alive you'd not be after sayin' you wor
glad he wor dead.-Life's calendar.
He--Now, supposing you had lit
tie boy that was getting too large to
sleep with his parents, what would
you do with him? She-I don't know
whatP He-Why, boycott him, of
course!-Smsitt, Gray & Co.'S Monthly.
At a Swiss Hotel: Landlord-Go
and wake the gentleman at No. z.
Boots-But he told me to waken him
in a couple of hours. Landlord-Non-
sense! wake him now. He neither
eats nor drinks anything so long as he
is asleep. DogJ6ar6ier.
"Johnny," 'said Johnny's little
brother, "a fly is fly because he flies,
isn't hep" Eyes, that's it." @And a
flea is a flea because he fees, isn't it9"
"Shouldn't wonder" "Then why are
bees beesP" because they be-" laughed
Johnny.-Harper's Young People.
"Dear old DIR. Orthodox doesn't ap-
pear to be as happy IN paradise as he
ought to be-" "True, he does look
gloomy. What shall we do to make
him feel more at homeP" Il can't
think of anything. Yes, / can. Let
us try st. Paul for heresy. Life.
@How do you sell your eggs, ,misterP"
said lad to grocer. "Seyen for six
pence, my lad" "Seven for .sixpenceP"
said the lad; "that's six for fvepence.
five for fourpence, four for threepence,
three for twopence, two for penny,
and one for nowt. Aw think I'll taxi
one" e."-IEt-Btts
Little Girl--The doctor said mamma
must take constitutional every day.
What does that meanP Little Boy
That means walking. Little Girl
Then why didn't he say so? Little
Boy-I don't know, but I guess may
be if he called it plain walking he
couldn't charge for it.-Good Neaos.
Fond Mother-Ethel, did you kiss
young Mr.. Jones again last nightF
Ethel-Yes, mamma, he has just lost
an uncle, and was so sorry for him.
Fond Mother-Well, Ethel, let this be
the last. I'm afraid if you keep on en-