The Bossier banner., 1893-12-14
THE OLD SETTLER.
He and the Sheriff Discuss the
Worlds Fair.

The sheriff had come back from the
worlds fair, and was telling of all the
wonders he had seen. His description
of the sights of the White City was list
ened to by the boys at the tavern with
open mouths and bulging eyes. When
he described, almost in whisper, the
things he had seen at the Midway Plai-
ance, among others the oriental dances,
even the landlord got up and exclaimed:
Thunder! But l wisht I'd ben
there, shurff y
And the squire moved about in his
chair and said:
ut beats all! I'll bate if them folks
d come here an do anything O that
kind they'd soon get ducled up yender
in the mill pond! An var seen it, did
ye, shurtf!' -
Yes" replied the sheriff. "Yar bet
| did!'
Thunder" exclaimed the landlord,
going behind the bar and taking four
fingers of the best. But | wisht I'd a
ben there!'
But the Old Settler sat in his chair
without word. His lips were com
pressed and he looked straight ahead
into vacancy. He was listening, but
nothing the sheriff talked about in two
hours verbal panorama of the world s
fair seemed to be of any moving inter
est to him. AT last, when the sheriff
had exhausted his subject and himself
and ceased talking, the Old Settler
came out of the vacancy. He showed
his hat to the back of his head and,
turning to the sheriff, said:
Them things is all right ez fur ez
ute race fer hosses bred in the coun-
try?"
The sheriff was dazed. 1t was some
time before he could make reply.
''Why, major" said he, ''they didn't
have any four-minute race for horses
bred in the country. You see"
'An' We're the double-headed calf
alive, or only just stuffed?" said the
Old Settler, cutting the sheriff short.
''Well, major" the sheriff began,
''the fact is"
AN wat were the heft O the prize
puukin?" said the Old Settler, waving
the sheriff off
didn't see any prize punkin, ma
Jor, said the sheriff, resignedly.
Did the feller with the tame bal
hev him trained proper, or did he het
to hev muzzIe on him?" asked the Ole
Settler
Il don't think there was any trained
bear on the grounds, said the sheriff
Whose OF woman got the four-shiIr 1
prize fer the best cider apple sass?" un
relentingly the Old Settler went on.
You don't seem to understand, ma
jor-"
Were the patchwork quiltin' wutl
lookin at, or didn't ye notice?"
Major
who ketched the creased pig, an
wat did they give him fer doin' of it?'
Creased pig! Why, major, ther
wasn't any creased pig at this fair!'
who had the best rooty bagies, an
wat were the showin' ez to mouse
nose taters?"
Gracious, maior!'
who spoke the piece bout the bes
way to shet out sniffles in sheep, ar
how to cure mules O kickin'?''
The subjects weren't mentioned
major"
An how did the pullin' match 'twix
the team O hosses an the yoke O. steer
suit the folks, shurff?'
See here, major! They didn't hav
any of those things out there! None Q
them"
The Old Settler was silent for awhile
and then said:
Didn't l understan' We to say tina
ye'd ben to the fair, shurff?'
Certainly. The worlds fair"
The fair l ben ahearin' so muc
about fer year an better?''
Yes. There's only one"
An o0e's enough, b'gosh!" e1
claimed the Old Settler Folks mus
a-iost all their grit, nowadays. to stan
being teak iR So, without sayin' q dur