Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-02-23
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists Of
Our Own Day.
Tea Table Talk.

Tea Table Talk.
Il DIDN'T see you at the masquerade
ball, Jimpson." mo; l went as
ghost. "-Harper's Bazaar
AN office-holder is the only kind Of
man who can have his head cut off
and still live. Baltimore American.
THE trouble with Wanamakers
stamps is that they don't know when
they are licked. Rochester Herald.
IT is to be hoped that the hoop
skirt bacillus will not effect lodg-
ment in this country. Memphis APP
peal.
THE man who aspires to make
successful pickpocket should study
free hand drawing. Workers States
man.
LOVE is not always blind. 1t can
see the proportions of a nice plump
fortune about as far as it is visible
Texas Siftings.
WIFE-"Is that one Of the cigars |
gave your" Husband-"Of course
not Don't you see | am going to
smoke it. "-Quips.
WHEN wife counsels her husband
to come straight home after an even
ing banquet she means it in more
senses than one.-Boston Transcript.
BRIGGs-"I can't understand what
keeps f., X. & @. stock so firm these
days" BraggS-"GuesS the water in
it has frozen solid. indianapolis
Journal.
MERCHANT-"Now here is piece
of goods that speaks for itself "
Uncle Hayseed that wouldn't
suit Mandy. She likes to do her own
talkin'."
SIE-"Dudes haven't more than
half sense" Mr.. Sappy-"Aw, Miss
Navy, are there no EXCEPTIONS"
ooh, yes, Mr.. Sappy, some haven't
any."-Quips
"WELL," said the man who hand ed
his last cent to the lawyer, Il sup
pose turn about is fair play. | broke
the law and the law broke me. -
Washington Star.
JAGsBY-"Wife, l (hic) was held
up on M way 'ome." Mrs. Jagsby
(sarcastically)-"You wouldn't have
never got home if you hadn't been. "
-Pittsburg Bulletin.
YEAsT-"What are you going to
make out of your boy?" Crimson
beak-"A lecturer" Has he taste
for it," ooh, yes; he inherits it from
his mother. p onkers Statesman.
II was a Vermont boy who, having
done pretty well in the West, tele-
graphed the "old man" in this fashion:
Come on out; awful mean men get
Office here. New York Advertiser.
IN the Hawaiian language there is
no word meaning weather. The
reason is that there is no weather
there worth mentioning, the climate
being about the same the year around
Texas Siftings.
FACETIOUs FRIEND--"Well, have
you and your wife yet settled as to
who is to be speaker of the house?"
Young Husband-"Not yet. We usu-
ally occupy the chair together. IN
dianapolis Journal
HE-"Oh, have a splendid story
to tell you. I don't think | ever told
it to you before?" Shells it really
a good story" He-"Indeed it is"
She (wearily)-"Then you haven't
told it to me before. Life.
II NOTICE that your husband has
never much to say in the morning
when he has been out late at night"
said the wife's mother. NO." was
the reply of the wife; "he's mum
then-extra dry. New York Press
GUIDE Ito city Nimrod, who has d.
spell of nervousness at sight of live
deer)-What yer trembling about?
Got an attack Of "buck fever?" City
| NimrOd = NO-t-mu-ch-I'm trem-
bling at the narrow escape that deer
had.
IRAsCIBLE old gentleman Quitting
head out Of four-wheeier that is
crawling at an unconscionable pace)
i say, cabby, we're not going to a
funeral. Cabby promptly)--No, and
we amt going to no blooming fire
either.-Tid-Bit
THoUGHTFUL.-" said the
affectionate little wife, didn't you
tell me those blue chips cost dollar
apiece?" "Yes." "Well, here's
whole box full of all colors that I
bought at the bargain counter for rs
cents. Buffalo Quips.
FIGG Geading the programme
"Six months are supposed to elapse
between the second and third acts /"
Fogg Whose ears have been outraged
by the excruciating strains of the
orchestra)-Is that all? 1t seems
good deal longer than that.-Boston
Transcript.
IT seems to be fairly we'll estab-
lished by experience that the prac-
tice Of thawing out frozen dynamite
cartridges by laying them on red
hot stove is not altogether conducive
to the integrity, peace, and well-be-
ing of those sojourning in the neigh