The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-07-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A call to arms-"Come, John, and
take the baby. Troy Press.
Even the worm will turn. Ii given
time, into butterfly. y.-Puck.
Little dogs bark the most because
that is all they can do.-Texas Sift-
ings.
We don't envy the alligator, al
though he has a great 0lap.-Elmira
Gazette.
The perpetually irascible man is
known by his standing choler. Boston
Courier.
How we all admire the wisdom of
those who come to us for advice
Rams Horn.
Luck may be defined as that which
enables our neighbors to surpass our
selves. Puck.
He-'Do you know, darling, l have
never kissed any one before?" She
''Well, this is no kindergarten. -
Life.
Herdso-'Do you believe in the
faith cure?" Saidso-"Yes; one treat
ment cured all the faith 1 had
Vogue.
There are more than thousand diff
ferent things made from petroleum,
including angels. - Cleveland Plain
Dealer
"With all her money there is one
thing Mrs. Oldgirl doesn't own"
"What's that?" "Her age. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
'How about this new neighbor-is
she agreeable?" "No; she had three
new dresses inside of month. Chi
cago Inter Ocean.
He-"Now, darling, what kind of
an engagement ring shall l give you?"
She-"One that won't fit any other
girls finger. detroit Free Press.
'Poor fellow. Did he lose his eyes
in the war;" "Oh, no. He tried to
pass a woman on the street when she
had her umbrella up. Detroit Tri-
bune.
"Does you teacher get out of temper
easily?" Goodness gracious, no she
has enough to last her if she lives to
be 100 years old. Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
"Why is it." she asked, "that stolen
kisses are always the 'sweetest?" 81
guess" he replied. sit is because they
are taken syrup-titiously." - Boston
Courier.
Stranger Undressing an old brick
layer) Uncle, who's building this
house?" 'Mr. Hirschbug, he build
de house, but Queen Anne she drawed
de plan. Reformed Messenger.
First Tramp-"I found this here
bottle O. spring bitters in a barl this
mornin'." Second Tramp-'"H'row it
away, Fitzey. Sposen dey was to cure
you of that tired feeling You might
want TO work. Puck.
Officer Flynn-"Come, now, if yez
don't get away from there I'll run yez
in" Boy (peeping through fencel-
"Say, cap, if you'll le' me see dis
double play out I'll let ye take me to
de islam fer life. Puck.
SIS Diggins an old baseball player?
I see that he has mask hanging in his
library" ''No. He puts that on when
ever he wants to have talk with his
penses. Detroit Free Press.
'Is he "A young man of good ad-
dress?" asked the proprietor when the
applicant for position had left II
should say 80, replied the bookkeepor;
she lives in one of the swellest parts of
the city. Washington Star.
Mrs. Neversee- What made youte
ha Nl., Of IL.
tune, when he got every dollar he has
by marrying an heiress Noyersee-
Hump! He had to cut out half dozen
fellows to get her, didut Buffalo
Courier.
Out of Place: "Of course, you have
somebody TO clean the boots and knives
and somebody TO do the kitchen-"
"Oh, Of course, and L send the beds
out to be made. l wanted somebody
only to be looked Nt-but you won't
do. Good morning. Judy.
81 tell you" said the proud father
as he replaced a letter in its envelope,
"that youngster of mine is going TO
make his mark in literature "Whct
makes you think sop "Ee's only five
years old and he writes TO me in
dialect. Washington Star.
Mrs Hichurch las she gazes out of
the window on rainy Sunday morn
ing) I; it's true. Providence does
temper the wind to the sLorn leSlb."
Mr.. Hichurch-"What makes You say
SOP" Mrs. Hichurch- Why, my new
bonnet didn't come home last night"
Puck.
Fond Mother" Here's something
about baby whose head measures
twenty-five inches in circJmfereuce.
Ii there any danger of our darling be-
ing so deformed| Skeptical Father
"No, dear not unless he could under
stand and believe all the things you
say TO him. "-Tit-Bits.