The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1893-02-02
A RETIRED ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AN
SAwMILLS.

tired List has actually been thinking that
he was thinking.
No explanation is given of this sudden
outbreak on his part. 1t is not known that
any one asked him to think, even for mo-
ment. There is no record that he ever be-
fore attempted such a thing in the whole Sc
years that he has been on the Governments
pay-rolls. The Government does not ask
even this much from Brigadier-Generals on
the Retired List. The Paymasters and the
| Commissaries save them from even thinking
of the morrow.
"Long Range John 1--WE forget, his Off
cial designation is John Gibbon), this re-
tired adier-General-thinks that he
has been thinking on the pension question.
Now, when man attempts to do anything
that he is not used to doing, he generally
does it very blunderingly, and Long Range
John (confound it, the old war nickname
will always come uppermost in our mind J,
we mean that Gen. John Gibbon is no ex-
ception to this rule When he thought he
was thinking on the pension question he
was tackling subject that has seriously
warped much more active brains than Long
Ra-that is to say, Gen. John Gibbons.
When Long Range John-(you must ex-
cuse US; those Second Corps boys are great
takers, and have tongues as sharp as their
bayoneis, aud we cannot keep their pet desig-
nation out of our mind)-when Gen. John
Gibbon thought he would think on the pen
sion question, and took his brain out of retire
ment, and wiped off the dust and set it to
work, two ideas seem to have presented
themselves. The first was that there are a
great many people on that supplementary
Retired List called the pension roll. The
second was a dreamy possibly of
his far-off, innocent boyish, days, when he
WIS not yet on the payroll of the Govern
ment-.hat men frequently got hurt by
monkeying with the buzz-saw. He con-
nected these two ideas-not that there is any
sort of connection between them-but when
one has only two ideas, what can he do?
Their very loneliness must bring them to-
gether, for lack of anything to hold them
apart.
Therefore Long Range John-how ex-
asperating that we cannot think of his other
name--rushed into print in the New York
San with the assertion that the pension roll
was filled up with men who had been dis
membered In saw-mills in order to gain a
place where the pay would be as regular
and the duties as light as Brigadier- Gen.
erals on the Retired List.
Some other ideas would probably have
occurred 10 brains more accustomed to real
thinking than that of the retired Brigadier-
General whose name is so closely associated
with ranges in which telescope sights are
needed.
One Of these is that while a predetermined
an arm shorn of to get Brigadier-G Generals
place on the Retired List, with the steady
pay of S343.75 month, it is very hard to
imagine any man so covetous of unearned
money as to be willing to endure such mutt
lation for the sake of SILL month, which
is the average pension of man on the roll.
Another idea is, that if the sawmills of the
country were run as adjuncts to the Pension
Bureau, they must have been 80 busily en-
ployed converting the raw material Of pri-
vate citizens into good pensionable products
as to have little time for their legitimate
work of turning out the billions of
feet Of lumber that the country requires
every year There are, as the New York Sun
constantly shrieks through its columns, ap-
proximately 100000 pensioners on the rolls.
Now, even with all the modern improve
ments, the best-managed sawmill cannot
convert hale, hearty. able-bodied men into
pensioners go rapidly an it can logs into
| lumber There is more trouble in selecting
the ms terial. The pensioner has got to be
of certain age to satisfy the querulous
tastes of the Pension Examiners. The sup
ply is not abundant Even in the largest
communities there must be found COM
paratively small number of men who are
willing TO lose leg OF an arm for the sake
of Sill IL a month. Thus much time mus,
be lost in getting raw material Roughly
speaking, we should say that sawmill with
the best run of custom-with trade that
had been carefully built up for years-would
not average more than one good merchanta
BILE pensioner q day. This, counting tn.
working-days at 300 year-for no con
cientious owner would run his sawmill or
pensioners on Sundays and legal holidays
would make an average output of 300 pen
sioners in a year, trimmed off in workman
like manner At this rate it would tax,
one mill 1883 years to work up the present
number on the pension rolls Or ii woult