Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1893-12-17

down flye-dollar william" The clerk
took out 90 cents for the two tickets and
started to hand him the change. but the
gallant fellow said: 20. keep that--its
all for sweet charity's sake"
Meanw lille this beau's young lady trip
ped up 20 the dressing room, and imme-
diately after she had disappeared the
fellow went back 20 the box-ofIice and
said: Now give me back my change"
lie got his money. but the trick leaked
out on him, and he Is designated in femi-
nine circles throughout the city as "a
horrid thing"
We poor newspaper-men never know
when we are going 20 catch IT," We
write something. scratch our heads with
satisfaction. and in our conceit imagine
our contributions viii please the public,
when, alas we receive a scorching letter
from some Of our subscribers who tear
VS. TO pieces because we published the
article A few days ago ] related little
Bnccdote about "a chap who was trying
10 he appointed as missionary. The presi-
dent OF tho Mission Board told the young
man they would give him $500 per annun
more II he had a wife 10 assist him
I'm his Christian labOrs. After much hem
ming and having the wOuld-be missionary
said: well II IT'S all the same 10 you,
I'll take the $500 out in cigars and TO-
bacco."
1 always like 10 say something 10 please
the girls. although domestic circumstances
are such nowadays that | don't dare 10
look at one. and 30 after writing the joke
/ added these lines: "Ah. boys. how many
OF you are taking II out In cigars and to-
hacco. ana possibly something worse, too.
when there Is a little heart that II just
ycarning for you 10 say two words-1l-
cense and preacher
My article fell INTO the hands Of fair
one who has ever maintained woman
rights and the natural cussedness' Of
mankind She wrote me a personal letter
thar made me feel an irresistible impulse
10 kick myself II Is 50 clever and con-
tains 70 much which is, alas, too true.
that ] cannot help taking the liberty of
using an extract from It: That joke
riIn't.please me-" size said q knew some
thing awful was cOming and ] consider
the last paragraph abomnable. II IS
libel on woman. Can 1t be possible that
men. I'M their conccit. believing them
selves supreme beings think "A woman
such a poor thing as to want them 10
give up any luxury for their sakes unless
il Is voluntary on the part Of the man
and unless they 0he women can fully
compensate for the loss. What woman
would yearn FOR a man 10 make her
his wife unless the desire Of his heart
was as great or even greater than hers
"Of course all this Is nonsense. but the
truth is We poor women don't expect a
man 10 give up cigars and whiskey-
in fact W. don't aspire to take the place
even OF beer our only hope Is in the man
who can afford both The cOnceit Of your
sex * proverbial and l think l may even
go 80 far as to indiydualize. and say
your couceit.
"Narcissus was no more In love with
himself than the men OF the present day
are VA love with themselves. The only
difference is that Narcissus died. and
the men of the nineteenth century live
and thrive on it,"
Great Scott Il I'D my heart good when
| wrote back 10 my sweet assailant and
proudly informed her that never drank
Whiskcy. tasted beer, or smoked cigars
thank goodness. she didn't mention n
pipe. But there was no getting around
that NarCigsus business He certainly did
have the decency to die. while we, on the
other hand, are committing the unpardon-
able offence OF living. Boys, the best
thing for you all 10 do Is TO go off and
hang yourselves. | don't think the letter
has any particular reference TO me (even
II the gin did say that / was included
i'm it, for any man who has got twelve
little stockings 10 MI Christmas ought to
be exempted from the odium Of such a
reprOdch.
There is 70 artist that can draw so
well. and with such startling effect as
imagination. 1t not only colors but it
magniies. and what is more, It always
puts animation in its pictures A re-
markable evidence of this fact took
place "A few days ago, when Constable
y. y. Samuels, of Henrico county. was
made the victim Of a practical joke.
Cyclone" as he is generally called, is
an casy-gOng. amiable man. who is "A
genius, both at whiting sticks and
smoking a pipe On ordinary occasions he
is constitutionally opposed to doing any
thing that requires an outlay of energy,
but when once aroused he Is indeed a
veritable hurricane, and hence the SOU
briquet he bears
Some time since the county officials
determined to test the courage OF the
lethargic citizen of Henrico, and they
played gigantic trick upon him.
They told him that a gang of moon
sinners was operating back of lakewood
cemetery. and that he should organize
posse to capture them. Cyclone" fell
into the trap as easily az n mouse is
decOyed by piece Of cheese. To be brief
he got his party together and went after
the supposed Illicit distillers, who were
In fact four jolly law abiding acquaint-
ances Of his
The expedition was made at night. and
the pathway led up and down the briery
hill-sides which bound the restlngplace
of the dead. Perhaps cold chills zig
Jagged down the spinal column Of the
constabulary. Back OF him was Gods
acre-the land of spirits, while In front
was the prospect Of Il terrible encounter
ana possibly grim death. But Cyclone
and his posse never waVered. The Con-
stable deserves the highest laudation for
his courage. but his followers merit none,
for they were " In the joke"
Suddenly the fires Of the moonshiners
were sighted. and a moment later a ter
rifle fusilade OF supposed bullets began
Several Of the officers fell wounded,
and all the survivors but "Cyclone" fled.
lie proved himself hero second only 10
the boy who distinguished himself by re
naming on the burning deck when all
his comrades had vamoosed. Yes, despite
the fact that the Constable saw that the
moonshiners had swept everything before
them. ne held his ground until he had
discharged every chamber of his pistol
1t had been secretly loaded with blank
cartridges-and then, in order 10 maintain
the peace and dignity of the Common
| wealth. he inserted himself In a ditch
which had an inside lining of water
The next day Cyclone" gave the most
lurid description OF the affair. and for
over week afterwards he dilated on the
occurrence before large but snickering au-
dlcnces He was almost the only man In
Henrico who didn't know the thing was
"A Joke. His companions. even the wound
ed ones, reappeared at the courthouse.
/ although many of them were supposed
to be corpses. This inconsistency didn' [
strike the notice of the Constable al all.
or " IL did II was easily explained away,
for hts friends stated that many buck
shot had been picked out of them on the
morning after the occurrence. Cyclone"
could even feel one ball that still fingered
in Deputy-Sherlff Voeglers cravat, and
what's more. he discovered several holes
made by balls In his overcoat.
His imagination increased the gang or
/ moonshiners from four to sixteen.
and he was positive as a man could be
that this number of the outlaws took
I part in the melee. Yes. he saw the stills,
| he saw everything and though not a
/ bullet was shot he asserted OF his own
! knowledge that the moonshinerS were