The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-08-20
HICKS PATENT COOKER.
The Pathetic Story That Induced
the Rector to Buy.

II would like to call your attention
to my paytent cooker" said the mild
hammered man with the soft low voice
to the rector of ST. Bartholomew's 1T
consists. as mebbe you can see"
But I don't desire a cooker. and
would not look at one il l did," inter
| rupted the rector of st. Bartholomew s
| in as irascible manner as is permitted
to his cloth.
''They come IN three sizes" contin-
| ued the miid-mannered man with the
soft low voice small. mejum and
large. They're made Of tin. genuwine
block tin, not rolled tin. l have fire.
quently been congratulated on the
quality of my tin. Said Bishop Dobson
to me: Hicks, I congratulate you on
the quality of your tin
'Bishop Dobson?" eueried the rector
of st. Bartholomew's with languid in
terest. 81 don't remember to have seen
his name in the church calendar"
''Methody," explained the mild-man-
| nered man. I'm a Methody. Here's
| a certificate from my pastor saying I'm
use good tin in my cookers Here's a
letter from Rev Edward Atkins-but
l don't set much store by that, bein' as
| he is Baptis', and no Judge of tin
The principle on which my cooker is
based"
You will have to excuse me-" said
the rector of St. Bartholomew's, look
ing hard at the heavy gold watch pre-
sented him by the parish on his last
birthday. "but l have a sermon to
write"
"Meh' your lady would like to see
the cooker" said the mild-mannered
man. Its made of genuwine block
tin, and Bishop Dobsop himself said:
Hicks, l congratulate you on the quail
ity of your tin"
Il have no wife," said the rector,
with the merest suspicion of blush.
Then buy cooker and git one" said
the mildmannered man. confidentially.
with Hicks paytent cooker as an
argumint, YOU will git one easy. They
come in three sizes-small, mejum and
large. This here is the small one
Folds all up, you see, like a telescope.
Mebbe you wouldn't believe it, but one
OF them small-sized cookers saved my
life once. 1t was in the spring of 1858.
or the fall of 1852, or the winter of
1854, / don't remember which and it
don't make no difference, that Rev. DIR.
James Wilyums, ID. D.. and / took pas
sage for Africl1y In the brig Thomas j.
Walkdp, goin' as missionaries to some
of the numerous cannibal tribes that
keeps down the population, and eonse-
quently accounts for the depressed
values of real estate in the Dark Con-
tinent. Rev. DIR. Wilyulns was to teach
the savages religion, but my mission
was more important one. was to
introduce Hicks paytent cooker among
'em. You can see that even this large
sized cooker won't hold man, to say
nothin' of the mejun and small
ones. Now / calculated TO teach the saw
ages to use my cookers, and when they
got so attached to 'em as To never eat
nOthin except what was cooked IN a
cooller-seein' that you couldn't cook a
man in 'em-cannibalism would natur-
ally die out. When / broached my plan
TO Bishop Dobson his eyes shone and he
said: Go. Hicks, 20. Your work will
supplement the work of Rev. DIR. VIII
yums I heartily commend your plan,
and l congratulate you on the quality
of your tin Them was his words, and |
I went.
''Well, sir, the mornin' after I ar
rived in Africky l began to talk to the /
chief about my cooker, when what /
does he 60 but take me down TO the /
leadin' grocery store Of the town and /
show me Rev. DR.. Wilyums chained up. !
Can you cook hin?' axed the chief. /
{" No, said I, nay breath all gone /
with surprise at the turn affairs had /
took.
Well said the old chief 'them's
the kind of victuals we eats. We don't
consume much in the way of breakfast
foods, infants foods and the like. II
your cooker can't cook o9r style Of pro-
visions we amt got any use for it.
And with that they put me in their
jail, and that was the last ever seen
Or heerd of Rev. DR.. James Wilyums,
.. d, They would have ct me at once,
bat the chiefs daughter, Cgogina. fell
n love with ne, and made 'em put OFF
The obsequies or festivities. according
Is you looked at it from my stand
point or the savages'. ! talked nice 70
[ gogina. and got her TO bring ne ny
'nall-sized cooker, the only one ths old
witch doctor what kept the cookers
rould let her have: and with that ]
,oohed them savages the finest kinds of
7ictuEls they ever et, and they set ne free
Ind made me royal cook, and the chief
kinder smiled indulgently at the way
Jgogina was maxim up to me 30 you
.ee the sCaal-sized cooker saved my
lie"
'I'Il br1y the small size" saii the
-ector, hastily. Il hare a sermon 20
write il
Now ron Jus. take nv advic. and
~ rnejan size. You can ford IL
s hen yogi .ake ths. srns.Ii-s;zei cooker
ound 10 that yogug lady you're after, .
vhen you ask her TO marry you what1l
he thiulr2 Why. she'll sag 70 herseif
hat in b1sr!n' this small cooker ron are
ayi1' cat lot 20 ever have aav com
'sav - meals. aa5 Il shc IS xirl thai
! fond clt company. you're rznnin' q
six Wait I'll tel yoa hos~ ;he uaes-D-
led cooker saved ly life. Vel, ths
"a witch doctor took big dislike 20
=. ard kept tsllin' tS1- folies that /
roui3 make a better meal cooked than
would eoos.i-'. Crogina wAn.sd -
az~rv 1ss ard the cis5st w1s willla',
C. the svl1s>k doctor propl1ssiesa n. Il
s.aE.itles Z tss marriage took plsce.
u. sea-ea fhe eA.eE @c-v ] alan't