The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-04-12
WIT AND HUMOR.
THE BABY IN THE TOP FLAT.

THE BABY IN THE TOP FLAT.
Hock-a-by baby in the top fat,
Along toward morning we know where you're
when the dawn breaks and we're longing to
Down comes your ear-spntting voice through
-Horseheads Bazoo.
Many man who "starts off well" |
spcils everything by coming back
Cleveland PtGindeGler.
As to prevailing fashions, the close
of winter seems rather long in the
back.-Phtladelphia Times
You can not afford to curse all your
friends enemies, yet this is what some
friends expect. - Galvestoas Nea0s.
As baseball salaries are cut down
the pitcher becomes more and more of
. growler. PhstadeLphta Record.
ESQ she is going to marry himP"
~Yes." "Does she love himP" at is
impossible to tell. He is rich."--M Y.
Press.
Harry-Does she know you love
herr Fred-She can't help knowing
it Why, she told me she had $40, 900
. year.-LJe.
Mrs. Poeticus-Isn't this hat a poem,
OSoAs AOOtASuS \SaeiAg NS no AOohS h0
the bilI-I wish / could write that
kind.-Puck.
That bandmaster had proper idea
of the fitness of things who ordered
that his musicians should wear tunics.
-Boston Courier.
Customer-Why do you refer to this
folding-bed as 'she'p Clerk-Because,
sir, there is no danger of its shutting
up.-Detroit Free Press.
She-So you're fully determined to
marry her, are youp He-Absolutely.
She-H'm! Don't you ever feel sorry
for herp-Detroit Tribune.
Bluster-I made speech tonight at
the banquet which will make me i'm
mortal. Mrs. B.-And it was only last
month that you got your life insured!
Boston Transcript.
About the most discouraging thing
that comes to man in this life is the
desire to thrash an enemy, coupled
with the belief that he can't do it,
Cleveland PlasndeGler.
Penelope-It's dreadful! Papa wants
me to marry man have never seen.
Perdita-That's nothing! My father
wants me to marry man have seen.
-P. q s. s. Co. IS BuEtetias.
Clara-Jack, can you return my
lover Jack (who has an understand
ingn with Clara's sister)-Clara, | can
not. But / will always be brother
in-law to you Brooktya Life.
The great difficulty about politlcs is
that it is utterly impossible for the ap-
pointments to make any kind of nu-
merical showing alongside of the dis
appointments = Washington Star.
Weary Watkins-By the way, what
is your politicsP Hungry Higgins
appetite is democrat, but me whiskers
is populist. Indianapolis Journal.
First Statesman-I can truly say
that no man ever sought to bribe me.
Second Ditto-O, well, l wouldn't be
discouraged. Your luck may change
some time or other.-Boston Tran
script
Ruth-No girl could have refused
him if he had proposed to her as sweet
ly as he proposed to me. Mabel-But
YOU must remember, dear, that he ha;
had great deal of experimentation
per's BazGr.
Mrs. McCordle-It strikes me tina
1t is awfully disagreeable for you tt
talk in your sleep every night. Nc
Cordle-l agree with you, my dear
but I have to improve my opportunity
you know.-PWck.
aYhose cigars gave you have LASTED
you long time, haven't they. dear?'
@Yes," replied her husband. @Tht
clerk who sold them to me warranted
them to wear" she said complacently
--Wdsbingtoss Star.
Figg They tell me that Burnley il
man of high principles. Fogg-Yor
may well say that. His principles ar
SO high that he has never been able t
come within thousand miles of theI
himself. Boston Transcript
sWhy, there's Mr.. Crozier, the mis-
sionary ,on the other side of the street
thought he was in Africa foundin
missions" $50 he was; but he ha
been called home to testify in DIR. Per
tateuch's heresy trial. "-PxcE.
Deacon-Yes, you can go on for
time in your present course, but rt
member the wages of sin is death
Young Frivol-O, I'm not so mercer
ary as to think only of pay. I'm quit
willing to let the wages go.-Bosto
Transcript.
The Bride-I told Jack was goin
TO give him something of my own cool
ing, and he said I'd better try it on
dog first. Wasn't that cruel sugges
.tionP Her Bosom Friend-Very! An
thought your husband was SO fon
OF dogs!-Once Week.
Isaac sells you dot coat for shiI
hngs. Customer thought you di
not do business on Saturday. Ism
this your SundayP Isaac Tin hushe
voice. e)-Mein frient, to sell this Goa
for 8 shillings vos not Freshness; dc
vos charity.-IE-Bits.
Mrs. Witherby-Is it necessary, dear
for you to attend the directors meet
ing as often as once a weekP MI
Witherby-Yes, darling; they Nigh
get along without some of the others
but have such good financial hea
that have to act as banker. Clothte
and FurniSlser.
Fond Mother-Ethel, did you kis
young Mr.. Jones again last night
Ethel-Yes, mamma, he has just los
an uncle, and, / was so sorry for him
Fond MotherLWeIl, Ethel, let this
the last. I'm afraid if you keep on en-
couraging him with your sympathy b
won't have relative left in the world
Brooklyn Life.
"What system of shorthand do yol
useP" asked the merchant of the appli
cant for the place. 81 don't use short
hand at all, sir. l have been an actor
strand my experience in writing stag
letters has given me speed which n
shorthand writer could ever hope t
attain" You'll do. Name your owl
salary.".Detroit Free Press.
%Mr. Dolley, won't you let me loo
at your watch little whilep" "Cel
tainly, Miss Flypp. Do you want t
consult the timer" "No," replied th
girl as she opened it and examined ii
case and works. 81 was curious to Sc
if water tarnished gold er had any e
feet on the watch's delicate mechar
ism." @WaterP What do you meanP
"Well, Mr.. Hunker told me you wer
in the habit of soaking your watct
What is the object of such treatment
Mr.. Doll6yP"-BrooklyfssL Life.