The record-union., 1893-03-16
SPRINGTIME IN SEATTLE.
The Musings of a Maiden in the Far
North.
BeseIena Turns the Batteries of Her
Intellect Upon Man-The Young
Man, of Course.

some LlLle ago L was 1eelng somewhat
out of sorts. l will not shock the tender
sensibilities of the reader by admitting
that l was nursing my wrath to keep it
warm"-nothing of the sort; it was only
an extra ebullition of spirits. Perhaps,
like the unowned Major Gilfeather, l
was little bit under the weather. What
ever it was, felt bottled up tightly, like
bottle of champagne, and ready to go
OH with resounding pop, wherever the
opportunity offered. Suffice to say that
life became such a burden to everyone
that my very best friend stood my little
peculiarities with becoming meekness
until patience ceased to be a virtue.
So one fine day, and without as much
as a word to me, he betook himself across
The water to the "City of Destiny" ana
did not come back for day and half.
by that time the champagne spirits had
all effervesced and l had once more as
Bumed my normal temperature. Then
he said TO me in a sort of conciliatory
way:
"Bess, if you want a new occupation,
why don't you study MANI"
The idea struck me at once as being
worthy of my consideration, so l started
in to study the biped commonly known
as man. did not begin at the root of the
matter, and assidiously and metaphoric-
ally devour the works of Darwin and
make myself unhappy by persuading
myself that my remotest ancestor was a
1ong-tailed ape. No, my friends, did
better than tnat-I went to the library
and selected a 200-page volume, every
page devoted to the work of refuting
Darwin's allegations, and after l had
perused the said 200 pages l felt indie
scribably better.
Then l took up man as he is. My first
discovery is that he is a very versatile
sort of animal; his moods are as variable
as an April day. AS Josiah Aliens wife
says, You may live i'll the house with
them for twenty years and then not
know them" lie likes to have his own
way, and if he gets it he's a saint; If he
uoesnt-well, ii won't take very long
Stretch of the imagination to lind out
what he is then. He likes to be consulted
about things, no matter how triiiing. 1t
pleases him to think that you repOse 50
much confidence in his superior judy
ment. That is another popularity of
man's-he always thinks his judgment is
superior.
Man likes a judicious amount of tlattery
once in while, because all men are just
little bit vain, though it's very becoming
IN them, and of course they deny the inn
putation most strenuously. They like to
be allowed the liberty of flirting once III
while with pretty girl, and to whisper
soft nothings in her pearly ear. This he
calls being chivalrous 10 the fair sex. lie
likes to be coaXed, TOO, and petted just as
much as woman; then he thinks you
are the dearest bit OF iemininity in the
world, and to prove it, he Is ready and
willing to fight, bleed and even die Tor
you, like the knights of old.
Man has great many more interesting
traits, but l haven't studied them out
quite thoroughly as yet. There are as
many specimens of man as there are
shells on the seashore; here are a few ev
eryday illustrations: There is, for in
stance, the sporty young man, who wears
polka-dot linen, and Superabundance of
brass jewelry. There is the eteminate
young man, who talks with drawl, and
curls his bangs with his sisters curling
irons. There is the 'masher" young
man, who frequenls family resorts"
hangs around the street corners,
and ogles every woman who
passes. There is the tough young
man, who walks with swagger, is adj
dicted to prize fights, and would beat his
wife if he had one. There is the sanct
monious young man, who carries his
Bible in a conspicuous position, and sys-
tematically robs his employer; and there
is the devil-may-care young man, who Is
rapidly learning that gambling IS more
profitable employment than honest labor.
These, am happy to say, are the eX-
ceptions To the rule. My own experience
has been that men-the right sort OF men,
l mean-are pretty good sort OF fellows,
and awfully nice 10 have around. If
there were no men there wouldn't be
anyone to take US to the theater or any
other place of amusement we wished TO
attend in the evening. There wouldn't
be anyone to anticipate our slightest
wish, even before it was expressed; there
wouldn't be anyone to help us while
away many a lonely hour; there wouldn't
be anyone to take our occasional spurts
OF temper with angelic 1ortitude, with
angelic meekness, and call it one of our
dear little ways" and last, but not least,
there wouldn't be anyone to whom we
could turn in time OF trouble, and be
sure of rest and consolation.
This is the right kind of mantle man
every woman lkes-because he is the
man who knows how to thoroughly UNI
derstand a woman and make her happy.
Ii you want to find out how disagreeable
a woman can be, just go where there is a
crowd of them together and watch their
actions. The vulgar woman is resplend
ent in diamonds, wears silk gown, tlopS
into Ter chair with a resounding thud,
talks in loud tone of voice and monopo-
Lies the conversation. She is generally
disliked, but people fear her, so she Is in
vited. Beside, her husband is the wealthy
Mr.. CrRsus. and gold is a tempting bait
to most Of the men and women in the So
cial swim.
Mrs. Blank has been invited because
she has such divine voice, you know:
she isn't really in our set, but we can't
get along without her singing" There
she sits neglected in a corner until the
hostess approaches her, and with a stereo-
typed smile requests the favor of a song,
which Mrs. Blank knows she dare not
refuse.
Old hen Gossip is there, too. She has
cornered pretty Miss Debut, and is max
ing the young lady's life miserable by
pouring into her unwillingly listening
ear tale of young Mr.. Featherly. whom
Dame Rumor says Is Miss Debuts fiance.
understand me, my dear" says the old
lady, with a cackling laugh, Il don't be-
iieye a word of this dreadful story my
self; but young men will be young men,
You know, and after marriage they some
times settle down into quite respectable
kinds of famiieS.n And on she rattles.
Miss Critic occupies a conspicuous DO
sition. Everyone laughs at her sallies,t
but in their hearts everyone secretly hates
her. Her tongue is as sharp as a razor.
and no one has the temerity to dispute
her word.
Everyone in the room welcomes the
arrival of the neXtguest. She is a woman
who carries about with her certain air
which effectually stops all Islander and
gossip at once. She isn't a bit Ostenta-
tious, but there is that air of good breed
ing and refinement about her before
which the more vulgar minds quail
These are the women it is pleasure to
have about; they are the women who are
never left on the shelf. They make the
best wives, and the men are not afraid to
trust them with their homes and happi-
ness.
| wonder why a really handsome man
hates 10 have his picture taken. He
would rather face a cannon than 4
j. i