The herald., 1893-11-14
WHAT CURIOUS CREATURES.
A Double Attempt at Suicide as
Told by a Policeman.
He Enlarges His knowledge OF
Women and Their Peculiar Ways.
A Wife Who was Distracted Whom She
Thought Hsr Husband Had Taken
Poison, and Mad when She
Found Herself Mistaken.

"Any news today ?" asked a HERALD
reporter OF Policeman Winters yester-
day. His name is not Winters, but as
he is that rara avis, modest police
man, his wishes as to not exposing his
identity, are respected.
Nope. Nothing at ALL" answered
the officer. But policemen rarely know
news even when they fall over it and it
and takes their billy from them and
tries to fracture their sturdy skulls with
it. There is only one way to get story
from an officer and that is to get them
to talk, and in the course of conve rsa-
ton they will some times tell you what
you want.
Officer Winters had just reported
"off." He hung up his club, his coat,
his nippers and handouts in his locker,
and drawing out his pipe, prepared for a
smoke before going home.
"Are you married." he said to the
reporter:
"Yes."
swell women is the durndest Great
ures. Amt thsy?"
"A great number OF other wise men
.think 3d." answered the reporter.
The word "othsr" had an emollient
effect, and the officer emiled content
edly. The reporter questioned him fur
| ther, and as result he launched the
following story. The policeman may be
right in not considering it news, aud
though no moral is attached to it, it is
probable that seekers after that sort of
thing can find one if they read the
story. the reader can decide these
points. 1t has one merit, however, this
story-it is OF the realistic school, for it
is true throughout.
81 was walking up my beat on
Broadway" continued the reflective
officer, when near Seventh street saw
a woman rush out of house, scream,
and rush back in again.
81 went to the door and rang the bell,
and the woman che comes to the door
and cries go hard that she can't talk.
She was young woman, and mighty
pretty, too." Here Winters smiled
again and unconsciously Strengthened
up his staiwart figure.
"'What's the matter, my dear p
says I.
"'Oh, my husband has killed him
self says she.
"'What With says l.
Poison says she. aud she gives a
screech and catches her and has to
hold her till | could find sofa or some
place to put her. Then the door opened
and two little boys and little girl came
in, all bo0hooing to split themselves
about their dead father, and the woman
she came to and joined in.
You're married man, and Pm not, but
know very we'll that sometimes the
only way to do anything with women is
to be cross az the devil. This was one
of those times, 40 drew me club, and |
stood at 'tention, and l roared out,
Shut up, all of yer! Shut up, d. yer
hear! Shut up!' and they shut up
for moment"
"Now, where's your husband? Is he
dead. or alive?" says, COR, mind you,
didn't want to ring up the dead wagon
if only doctor was needed.
He's in the next room," the woman
sobbed, "and I don't know whether
he's dead yet or not"
''Well, sir, l went in the room che
pointed to, and there on the lounge was
little man with his. eyes shut and his
arms crossed on his breast, and on a
table near him was q bottle labeled
'etrychnine.'
whats the matter here" said /.
"The man opened his eyes and said,
who are your"
Ppm the law" said.
"Get out of here" he said.
"Not till / find out what's the mat
ter" says /.
just then doctor came in and he
picked up the bottle and rubbed little
of the white stuff in it on his hand, and
put it gingerly like to the tip of his
tongue. Then he smiled. Then he ielt
the mans pulse, and then he put on his
hat and started out.
"How ia it, doctor ?" said I.
"It's a blooming fake" says he, and
turns to the crying lady and cay,
MADAM, your husband has fooled you.
He has taken no poison" and out be
went.
Madame, how about this p said l..
"But she had no eyes for me. She
was busy with the little man, who kept
his eyes shut and his arms crossed.
oh, you coward, she said to the
man on the sofa, you thought you'd d
fool me, did you? Well, you did for a
while, but you never will again. It was
this way, Mr.. Oficer,' she said. L
wanted to take the children for a walk
ana ne Qlun'G want me TO 90, and we
had few words, and when / came
back we found him on the lounge here
with his eyes shut and this bottle OF
strychnine. and this letter. and she
handed me letter which said:
My dear wife, you have driven me
to this. l hope you will be happier
when you find l am gone forever.
JOHN
"The man on the sofa kept on keeping
his eyes shut all this time, and never
saying word, which showed he had a
little sense. Well, sir, when l saw the
whole thing how it WAS, had to laugh,
roar right out, and come of the neigh.
bors who had come in, they began to
laugh, and the story spread among the
crowd about the house. and they Joined
in the laugh.
"And the woman! Whoof! Have you
ever seen an angry woman Oh, | for.
got you eaid you were married. But this
woman beatanythingy you ever saw. She
stood over that man and tongue lash ed
him in way that never heard equaled
She seemed to be as sorry that he hadn't