Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-04-27

truth. Cincinnati Times. -r n
"How is your little brother? Likely
to get better? "Oh yes; he got his
first thrashing to-day since his i'll
ness. "--Deutscher Reichsbote.
THE donkey is generally regarded
as the most stupid Of animals, which
is odd in view of the fact that it hal
the most brayln' power Philadelphia
Record
JENNIE PREMIER (at the amateur
theatricals)-I say, old man, have you
got the stage fright? Heavy Villain
No, | think she's in her dressing.
room.-Truth.
INFLUENCE will make itself felt In
politics. Even the humble letter
carrier when he comes to the door
shows what it is to have pull
Philadelphia Times
"SAY, CHIMNEY" said one messenger
boy to another, "if there's anything !
hates its a crowd" "Why?" "Cos
yer got ter hurry er git walked over. =
Washington Star,
A MAINE man will send to Chicago
a fir spar sixty feet in length and
without bend or crook in it, 1t
would make a fir straight flag staff. 80
Philadelphia Ledger.
SAYS fashion note; "The return
of the shawl Is prophesied. And
now will somebody be sufficiently
brave to predict the return of the
umbrella?-BOston Transcript.
FIRST What's the matter
with Nellie Newcomb? Second
Child-She's got the chicken-pox
First Child guess she can't have it
very bad, She lives in a boarding
house.
IT is little discouraging to a man
to carry yowling, squalling baby
around for half a night, then sit
down and reflect that "of such is the
kingdom Of heaven. cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"AND now, my dear children" said
the professor, "will you tell me what
velocity is?" "Please SIR" said a
bright youth, velocity is what my
father puts hot potato down with. :"
-Quips.
LADY OF THE HoUsE-"As l wish
to make the tea agreeable, will you
gentlemen please say with or without
cherry brandy. Well, Mr.. Forester"
Mr.. Forester-"Ifyou please, / should
like mine without tea. Bar.
Mrs. STACKsLEY - "Ain't you
ashamed to talk like that to me-
John? Why, before we were mar
ried you used to say l was an angel"
Mr.. Stacksley-"See here, Mary, it
isn't fair to twit man about the lies
he told ten years gO."-Quips.
QUEEN VICTORIA was so charmed
by piece of music recently played in
public by the band at Osborne that
she sent an attendant to learn the
name of it. He returned with the
information that it was entitled
"Come Where the Booze Is Cheaper"
MISS PoETIQUE-"How dreamily
delightful is the soothing sound of
old oceans waves rolling up in the
moonlight upon the silver sands!"
Miss Practicale-"Yes, / always did
like to hear the water sloshing
round upon the beach. "-Somervllle
Journal.
AT A Swiss HOTEL. -LandlOrd-
go and wake the gentleman at No
T." Boots-"But he told me to
waken him in a couple OF hours"
Landlord "Nonsense Wake him
now. He neither eats nor drinks
anything so long as be is asleep. -
Dorfbarbier.
LITTLE DoT-Grown folks don't
care anything for circuses. Little
Dlck-Yes, they do. Little Dot-No,
they don't. They only goes SO as to
take the childrens. Little Dick
Yes, that's what they say; but they
never takes any books along to read.
Good News.
FIRST ARTIsT-"Well, old man,
how's business?" Second Artist
"Oh, splendid! Got a commission
this morning from a millionaire.
Wants his children painted very
badly" First Artist pleasantly
"Well, my boy, you're the very man
for the job Life.
DUSTY RHoDEs-This paper says
surgeons cut open an elephants
stomach and took out a cable chain
weighing ninety pounds. Fitz Will
iam-How do they account for its be-
ing there? Dusty Rhodes-The sup
position is that he swallowed it while
eating in the dark, when the chain
was young and very small.-New
York Times.