Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-03-09
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd. Curious, and Laughable
Phases of Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists OF
Our Own Day.
SIP rinkles of Spice.

Sprinkles of Spice.
The poker-player does not use WIS.,
iting cards when he is calling. -Pica-
yune.
NAILS should be sold at auction.
They 60 we'll under the hammer
Picayune.
THE winter girl has one satisfac-
tion-it's chappy weather. -Philadel-
phia Record
SOMETIMES a man is SO deep that
he is absolutely without foundation.
Galveston News
BIOLOGISTS say the cradle of the
deep has nothing to do with making
the bed rock. Texas Siftings.
You realize that silence is golden
when you come to settle for case OF
Mumm. -Binghamto Leader.
INDUSTRIOUS ancestry is glori Gus
thing to have but it won't be taken
as security for hot stew. Chester
(Pa.) News.
ONE is sometimes surprised at hav-
ing bought goods so cheap-until
after the peddler is gone. cleveland
Plain Dealer.
THoMPsoN-"Suppose man should
call you liar, what would you do?"t
Jones (hesitatingly) - What sized
man?"- Tid-Bits.
THE worst about the average crank
is that while he inevitably turns up
he objects to being turned down.
Philadelphia Times.
BEssIE--He was very impudent.
He put his arm around me twice,
Jessie-Humph! He must have bad
d very long arm.-Puck.
A MAN never realizes how much
furniture he owns until he tries to
walk rapidly through the house in
the dark. -Etoile Beige.
| Mr.. YOUNGHUsBAND-" Darling, you
have been weeping. What is it my
sweetest love?" Mrs. Younghusband
-"Horeseradish!"- Tid-Bits
STRANGER Ito Pat, drinking apol-
linaris) -"How does it taste, PATTI,
Pat-"Faith, it tastes like as if my fut
was asleep. Harvard Lampoon.
"YoUNG NUwED is having hard
time in his venture into matrimony."
Glow is that" Neither his wife
nor his servant girl know how to
, cook. New York Press.
HE-Do you love me, darling?
; She-Sometimes / think | do, and.
then again, when you have on that
hideous baggy new overcoat, | doubt
the strength of my affection. lid.
Bits.
LITTLE JOHNNY May hitch the
dog to my sled and have him pull
me? Mother-Im afraid he will
bite you. Little Johnny-It's the,
other end I'm going to hitch. Good
! News !.
| A GENTLE HINT.-Mr Short-Eh! T
Beg pardon, Miss Wosalie, but-eh-|
isn't that mistletoe that you have in
your hair? Miss Rosalie-Yes, Mr..
Short, it is. What of it?-Harper'
Bazaar.
"WHY did you arrest this man?"!:
asked the judge, sternly. "For prac-:
tice," returned the policeman. I'm
new On the force, and l wanted TO-
learn how, your honor "-Harper's
Bazaar.
photo taken, but / want it to be:
nice-looking. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
fear, sir, it shall be SO handsome that
you won't know it yourself. Der
Schalk.
FIRST CLoTHIER-Your;re fool to-
call that suit the Rip Van Wrinkle:
Second Clothier-What would you
call it? First Clothier-The never.
Rip Van Wrinkle, manl--The Cloth.
iers' Weekly.
Miss PoRTER-Did you notice the
blank look of that gentleman who
sat down on his silk hat? Mr.. MUIR
ray-No; but I'm glad you didn't
hear the blank words he used
Princeton Tiger.
A CHANCE TO RIsE.-Butcher-If
need boy about your size and will
give you So a week. Applicant.
Will / have chance to rise? "Yes;s
l want you to be here at o'clock.
every morning Life.
MRS. TIMOTHY SEED-"W Where's,
Lizzie?" Miss Gaskett-"I just left,
her in the arms of Morpheus. Mrs. /
Timothy Seed (scandalized)- What.
And she engaged to Joe Pender. Show,
me where she is this minute"
DOMESTIC PEACE ASSURED
And SO you got your life insured
for my benefit! That's lovelyi" Hus-.
band-"Yes, my dear; but, just re-
member, if you drive me to suicide
you won't get cent. New York
Weekly.
| SALESMAN great store) This coat
fits your little girl nicely. Lady,
thinking of next season)-Yes, I'll
does now, but / think we'd BETTER
take size larger. Little Girl-Oh,