The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1893-03-03
BROWN AS A PuNcTUAToR.
What Came of Trying New Rapid Method
of Learning the Rules.


of Learning the Rules.
Brown, my boy, there's nothing like
It. It's better than French in Six
Weeks because you can work it into
yourself in q month, so that you can
hardly say or think anything without
following the rule Take this beauti.
full selection, which recalls our school
boy days: The boy stood on the burn
ing deck, comma, whence all but he
had fed, semicolon the flames that
lit the battles wreck, comma, shone
around him DER the dead, period
That's grand that's inspiring. You
have all the beauty and all the senti.
ment, and besides you punctuate as
you go along, and so mingle the artistic
and the useful"
Brown was quite taken with this new
plan for learning how. to punctuate
properly, says the Washington Star. He
had often felt like brother to the fel.
low who wrote a book without any
punctuation whatever, simply adding
in an appendix complete list of pune
tuation marks, from which the reader
could select and punctuate as much or
as little as he pleased.
The first lesson went off swimmingly.
Brown so fell into the spirit of it that
as he walked up the street afterwards
he found himself soliloquizing Il
wonder, comma, if I had better get
that paregoric, comma, for the baby,
comma, before I go home, period.
Perhaps, comma" Then he slipped
up on piece of banana skin and went
! down flat with two exclamation points
and enough stars to equip several issues
of blanket sheet"
For the first time in his life he felt
like using the dash" and also making
o. dash for the miscreant who threw
that murderous peel there. He lay on
the pavement long enough to denote
several paragraphs, then got up with
difficulty and limped down the street.
But the magic power of that first les.
son was still Upon him, and meeting q
newsboy, he began We'll, comma,
my boy, comma, what papers have
you interrogation point" The sharp
eyed little rascal gazed at him curiously
and then replied: "Com-ah? Come
off When did yer 'scape from tn 'sy.
lump"
After punctuating the town generally
during the next two hours and getting
q crowd of small boys at his heels,
whom he escaped by seeking refuge in
an empty school building place the
average boy never enters if he can help
the took home to his dear family a
somewhat battered but still large sup.
ply of Fluctuations.
AT 2 a. m. his wife nudged him.
John, John, there are burglars in the
house !" "What-ah Burglars
burglars r Now wide awake, he
sprang to the floor, exclaiming Dear
est. comma, will defend you, comma,
even with my hearts blood, comma, if
necessary, exclamation point T. He
then threw open the chamber door
right in the face of two masked burg.
lars, who held pistols to his breast and
demanded Your money or your life!'
With one whirl of his strong right
arm he dashed the pistols aside, two
bullets perforating the hall window in.
stead of his head, as was intended.
'A0h WV AAAOAO WAlI1S GuAI GTuSCY
arm he sent the burglars as surely and
swiftly as one sentence follows another
IN the mouth of 200 a.minute speaker
out through the window after the bull
lets, remarking There, comma, now,
comma, you can hunt your bullets at
your leisure, period. Call again,
comma, and I'll show you how to pune
tuate better, comma, but you can't put
period to my existence just yet, pe-
Rod"
Then rushing back to his wife he
exclaimed: Joy of my life, exclama-
tion point, light of my eyes, more ex-
clamation points, come to my arms,
period" They fell weeping on each
others necks. Stars and dashes come
in here, denoting domestic scene too
sacred for the eyes and ears of the vul-
gar public.