The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1893-04-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
ipht periodicals-Comets.

Bright periodicals-Comets.
The man with long head is rarely
head-long. Bnghamton Leader.
It's queer about shops--they're never
shut up unless they're shut down.
Elmira Gazette.
There never was so big fool that he
couldn't learn how to count money
Atch1son Globe.
The figureh head OF college is usually
the professor of mathematics. .-Phila.
delphia Record.
Many man who 'starts off well'
spoils everything by coming back
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Few men who go into maple.sirup
manufacturing make an unadulterated
success of it.-Troy Press.
Some men are like woodpeckers-they
can't send in bill without making q
big noise about it.-Truth.
Many parachute jumper would be
living to-day if he had never taken
drop. -Binghanton Leader.
The man who waits for appreciation
generally gets it in the shape of an
epitaph. h.-Milwauke Journal.
"Does she make good wife9" "Well,
it is doubtful. Her husband belongs to
four clubs. New York Press.
TO harrow ones feelings is not the
most profitable way of cultivating an
mi inf
The picket fence was outlined sharp,
The moon was clear and pale.
Her lover long ago had lett,
But thereby hangs tail.
Life.
"The pleasantest way to take cod liver
oil, says an old gourmand, ''is to fatten
pigeons with it and then eat the pigeons"
Tit Bits.
The Professor-"Wha is happiness?"
The Philosopher-SThe condition of
forgetting that you are unhappy.
Chicago News.
A man whose tongue is his entire
capital de6es the exigencies OF commerce
and succumbs to nothing less than
paralytic stroke.
He's dealer, in rhymes and in "rocss,"
An exponent OF both avocatious,
And can furnish quotations OF stocks,
Or supply you with stocks of quotations.
Truth.
Dives -'I always shave myself.
won't trust barber on my face" Laza-
rus-"I always shave myself, too. No
barber will trust me on my face. Chi
cago Tribune.
Buster-"I made speech to night at
the banquet which will make me immor-
tai" Mrs. B-''And it was only last
month that you got your life insuredl'
Boston Transcript.
"Charlie, didn't you promise to try
and break yourself OF the habit OF using
slang2" Charlie -"Yes, mamma, and you
bet I'm gettin' there with both feet,
don't you see. Inter Ocean.
"Do play something, please, Miss
Pianothump, said the hostess, advanc-
ing to her music loving guest; sits
getting pretty late, but not half the
guests are gone yet. Chicago News.
Mr.. Nuwife-"So this is cottage pud-
ding, eha' Mrs. Nuwife (proudly)-
"Yes. Can you guess how it's made"
Mr.. Nuwife Weller should think
bricks, dear. Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
Johnson-"Wh do marry intend
to marry sensible girl, if l can find
one." Tomson-"Now, there's Miss
Sharpe; she gave me up" Johnson
Just the girl / want. Won't you in
troduce me?"--Tit Bits.
No mau has ever been able to explain
so simple Il problem as why the brilliant
sun should lavish its light in broad day
light, while only second hand lumi-
nary is vouchsafed to man in the night
time. i Boston Transcript.
"Your travel so much on the cars
should think you would go armed"
"Armedw exclaimed the suburbanite.
81 do. / never travel with less than
fifteen or thirty pounds of heavy bundles
that | could use IN AN emergency. y
Chicago Tribune.
Little Mabel -''Mamma, don't you
think ! can teach Fido to talkg" Mamma
mo, dear; what made you think you
couid?' Little Mabel--"Weil, when |
gave him his dinner he growled just like
you say papa docs when his meal doesn't
please him. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Mr.. Billus---sSeems to me, Maria, the
children don't speak half as good Eng
lish as thov did before they began to go
TO school," Mrs. Billus --"For mercys
sake, John, how can you expect them to
learn everything at schoola ! wished
you would quit harping on that Erglish
language fad OF yours.