The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1893-08-09
A ~VENTILATING HAT.

l had got to the very bottom of the
ladder. Never mind how l got there, or
why / got there, that's my business, and
it doesn't concern you in the least. But
Twas earning my living all the same,
and earning it honestly. had read sto-
ries of the workhouse, and they made my
flesh creep. 1t wasn't pride that made
me work; it wasn't an honest spirit Of
independence. 1t was the workhouse |
dreaded and the peculiarly unattractive
fare provided for the pauper. And there
/ was with Is pence, my days earnings,
between me and the casual ward. With
in "a hours that Spence would assuredly
disappear, and unless | got work of some
sort to the casual ward ! should have to
60. and a gentleman in a position SIM
liar to my own were talking matters
over.
Things is very slack, governor" said
he to me.
There is game You might try"
continued my acquaintance with a be-
nignant smile, land that's Wilkins, the
ventilating halter. But you can't keep
on with that long, you know. It's ruin
to the constitution"
Anything was better to my mind than
the casual ward, so l asked for Wilkins
address.
..Oh, you can't miss it," was the an
swer; '.you just walk down Shoreditch.
There's always a crowd outside Wilkins
shop, and all you've got to do is to ask,
boldlike. for Wilkins, and when You sees
him you just ups and says, I'd like to be
in the way of earning a honest 'alf
crown, sir Then he'll put you in the
way at wunst." Then my friend nodded
and departed.
Iarrived at Shoreditch. WASN'T long
in front of the window. In the window
were hundreds of hats. Every one of
them had a ticket bearing the same leg
end, Wilkins Ventilating Hat" then
followed the price. | gradually elbowed
my way to the front row, and then /
perceived the nature of the exhibition
that gave so much pleasure to the in
habitants of Shoreditch.
In the center of the array of hats were
two human heads, which ~protruded
through two artfully constructed holes
in the polished mahogany which formed
the flooring of the shop front. Each
head was covered by what appeared to
be an ordinary tall hat. The head on
the right had a large window ticket be-
hind it. on which were the following
words:
Wilkins ventilating hat. Perfect
comfort. No suffering from heat by
want of ventilation. The wearer of this
article enjoys life. The head is human.
There is no deception. The only estab-
lishment in which Wilkins ventilating
hat may be obtained. 1t comes as a boon
and a blessing to men, like the Pick
wick. the Owl and the Waverley PEN"
There was a similar ticket behind the
bead on the left:
THE ordinary silk hat. Observe how
the unfortunate wearer suffers from the
heat. Poor fellow! He evidently wishes
himself dead. The common unventilated
hat of m is a fendish invention
worthy of the atrocities of the worst
days of the Spanish inquisition. The
wearer of an unventilated hat is hurry
ing to an early grave. The head is hu-
man; there is no deception"
noticed that the mahogany planking
of the shop front below the heads was
perforated with innumerable small holes.
Then | observed that there was o very
great difference in the appearance of the
faces of those wearing the hats. The
gentleman wearing Wilkins ventilatins
hat looked the picture of contentment.
He smiled. He seemed as if he had at.
tanned the summit of human bliss. He
was evidently very comfortable indeed.
The other head presented a striking con.
trast. Never till now had | the least
idea that such dreadful effects were pro
dnced by the wearing of an unventilateG
hat. The face was as pale as death. A
cold perspiration seemed to trickle from
every pore. The mouth was set Al
though in agony, and all through an un
ventilated hat. l boldly determined tt
enter the shop.
What can / show you, sirl' said Al
assistant, with excessive urbanity.
81 want to see Mr.. Wilkins / replied
THAT is Mr.. Wilkins" said the man
indicating a portly and benevolent look
ing gentleman in a black silk waistcoat
What can / do for you, my man?
said Mr.. Wilkins.
I'D like to be In the way of earnin,
an honest half crown. sir" | replied.
Very good, my man." said Mr.. Wi
kins, with smile. lis there q vacanc
today, Boldger?
Yes, sir. Certainly, sir" replied th
man. I'VE shall be ready for the ger
tleman In about 20 minutes"
Been here before, my mani" said M,
wilkins to me, not unkindly.
Not IL replied
..sThen you'd better put him throug
tho mill, Bo1dger,1 said Mr.. Wilkins
tbs foreman.
4.Step this way, young man" said I'll
foreman to me, and I followed him inf
= lavatory.
ssIhere ron are" he said. You're
Incl. young man." he went On. Half
muwn for wearing Q new hat for thru
h0szs \ goot pay. You'll be on ct