River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-03-02
PITA AND POINT.
"A doctor of acknowledgements.

"A doctor of acknowledgements
Puck
If you do not want to be robbed of
your good name. do not have il en-
graved on your umbrella.
Before you kin yourself trying TO
accumulate wealth, go aud ask mill
lionairc how much money it takes To
make man rich.
There are said to he fifty thousand
muscles in an elephants trunk. 1t must
have been packed by woman. Ten
nessee Twinklings
"A boy never looks in the glass to
see If his face is clean after he has
washed it; he looks at the dirt on the
toweL-Atchison Globe.
When a wife counsels her husband
TO come straight home after an evening
banquet she means it in morse senses
than one Boston Transcript.
"A difference between blade
losing its temper and woman is that
the former becomes duller and the lat
ter more cutting. Philadelphia Times.
-Landlady--"Mr. Colfax, you look
I'll: ! hope no unexpected-'' Board
er-"les'm, that's il; he found his
steak tender an il shocked him. In
ter-Ocean.
Poor Benton is having FIRE extin-
guishers put in every room in his
house." what for?" well, you see
he had il built FIRE proof and has to-"
Inter-ocean.
-Jagsby-'Wife. I (hic) was held
up on m way 'ome" Mrs. Jagsby
(sarcasticaIly)-''Yo wouldn't have
got home if you hadn't been. Pitts
burgh Bulletin.
-Diner-'Waiter. find have just
money to pay for the dinner; but it
leaves nothing in the way of tip for
yourself" Naiter-"Let me add up
The check again. N. Y. Herald.
True But Not Strange.-Jennie-
"A watch is one of the cleverest crea-
lures in the world" Belle-"Why?'
Jennie-"Always has its business so
well in hand. Jewellers Weekly.
-'George," said Maud Il am Will
iam," said William. sternly. "Oh, /
know that Willie" returned Maud.
Il hurt my finger. and that was my
little swear word. Harper's Bazaar.
-Teacher-"What part of speech is
photographic Big Eoy-"A noun of
the feminine gender Teacher
why feminine?" Big Boy-''Because
it always talks back Morning Jour
nal
lie Was Sure of That-Tomdik-
DO you think that American women
are growing taller?" EIojack-''I don't
know about that. but they are keeping
American men as short as ever"-De-
trOit Free Press.
Mrs. Gumley (reading)-"A Euro
pean scientist has been listening TO the
voice of a fly through microscope. He
says it sounds very much like the
neighing of horse" Mr. Gumley-
Perhaps it was horse-fly. "-Ripples.
-Clara-''Baron Spuchs must be
brave man. They say he lives i'm
castle that is haunted by the ghosts of
murdered ancestors" Jack-''Ghosts!
That's nothing. ! live in house that
is haunted by bill collectors s., g. &
/ Cos Monthly.
What was that Dawson story YOU
/ told the other day, Hicbs?' "Why,
pleased Mrs Dawson very much by
+ asking her if she was herself or her
/ laughter. Couldn't tell 'em apart"
We'll, it's strange. but | worked the
/ same scheme on the daughter and she
lidn't like IT IA bit. "-Iiarper's Bazaar.
-lrishman Ito photographer)--"Can
/ yez make me nose little smaller an
\ straighter in me photo than it is on me
/ face?' Fhotographer-'O. yes, sir. by
means of retouching | can make your
aose almost any shape" Irishman-
That's illigant! Plat wud yez charge
/ TO retouch me rale Pick-me-up.