The Newtown bee., 1893-08-04
DID YOU EVER

know such a commotion among the banks? Banks private, corporate and national all seem to be in trouble and failure after failure follow each other in rapid succession. Some banks however, are as solid as the everlasting hills and are conducted with such sagaciOus foresight that they pass through financial troubles smoothly a ship rides an oiled sea, or the hired girl a banana peel down the cellar stairs. Naught short ot an earthquake can shake them. Hawleyville is & small burgh and we have but one bank, but it is just this kind of a bank. It is known in business circles as the First SAND Bank of Hawley- vile. This bank is one of the oldest institu- tiOns in the land. When Columbus landed she was, and when Barkhansted was settle q she was all the more. The aborigine child ren of Columbus time played humble -te-peg in her front yard, yet she was not opened for active business until the building of the New England railroad. The credit of this railroad dOus drafts upon this bank and they were hon. ored for a long time without a single deposit good business policy for the bank and it low cred her standing in the eyes of the general public, (sOme F teet0 During these depreS- sing times some oil her most valuable front age was allowed to pass into other hands and Bakers large furniture warerooms now cast black shadow across a portion of her front, and Ot late the Gospel tent of the"Union Evan- gelical Faith Cure" Fonrtold Gospel Christ ian Alliance has been pitched right in front of her frontest front and the most astounding miracles have been performed within a cables length of her terraced foundations. New England's drafts, as said before, were heavy, but the biggest draft, for a small one, ever made on her, and one that came near burst K, Bakers furniture building were put on. It was contract work and there was sub con- tractor and there were many workmen sibility. Baker was in Colorado at the time and he could not look after the de tails. Making bricks without straw was comparatively easy task to making mor- tar without lime or cement, but it has been proved to the world that the latter can be done For proof see the patched and mortarless spots on Bakers ceilings. How the workmen finished the job and escaped injury from fall no aail in jG " n ton Na 1 are desirous ot letting the public know who the man is who can make bricks without l long ago but unfortunately property titles | have been nicely arranged for a coming sea- 1 son of disaster. When we see patch ot plas- | tering tall on fine piece of furniture we feel | like the man who said "Hanging is too good 1 for him; he ought to be kicked to death by a 1 iaclSass and I'd like to do it.. Ii we can find out who is responsible for the present condi- l tion of our walls (and we think we can) and if we ever catch that man, and if we can identi- 1 fly him, and ii he undertakes to crawl through | a knot hole, and if he gets stuck when about | half way through, and it we have our slippers | on, and if the minister is not looking, we'll just warm that man till he can't sit down, for | two moons, without making his feet sore. l Have you ever had patches of plastering fall all over your house and keep doing it? No! 1 Well then, my dear friend, your Christian for
 not ripe for the kingdom yet. We sometimes speak in jest, but never on this subject of poor
 best friends when we think of it. Why only l the other day poor widow woman with a blind COW with a large family and one horn
 broken off, looked at a pile of clustering on the floor and then at the ceiling, and ventured
 to inquire sympathetically if lightning had struck our building. We'll now you don't know how near we came to knocking that poor woman down the cellar stairs and telling her to mind her own business; but then we
 are ripening fast and we grow mild every day. We can even now wish this man g long life and a carbuncle every year, and if he
 should happen to ripen and be plucked first I you may see us making an annual pilgrimage
 every Thanksgiving morning to place forget
 me-nots and fresh mortar on his grave.
 In our sane moments we feel deeply grate
 ful to a generous public for their sympathy l and patronage. They come long distances
 and from all directions to buy furniture of us l They know that we are located away out here in bowling wilderness, with tall grass all
 around us and an immense stock of furniture
 on our hands, and they know we have beer
 unfortunate with our ceilings and they fee
 sorry for us and they put their hands ava. down deep 1n their pockets and they buy lib
 erally and they drop tear now and then; no
 so many, however, as when they buy il
 some other place.
 The preacher tells us we arc all poor sin
 ners and that this is wicked wicked world
 but we begin to think there must be who'll
 lot of good in it, after all. Come and see us
 Don't look mp nor say anything about ou
 ceilings and we will try and use you well an
 invite yon into our reading room while wait ing tor trains.