The record-union., 1893-03-08
THEATRICAL MIDDLEMEN.
Waiting to See the Dramatic
Agent---A Picture.
The Agent is an Autocrat-His Estab-
lishment - His Unpopularity - Ex-
Animal.

the public waiting room adjoining the
den of popular or rather a successful
dramatic agent. The theatrical middle
man is never popular. The supply of
histrionic "talent' is always largely in
excess of the demand, and where the
agent makes one friend, he creates host
of enemies. The fortunate friend has
been selected through favoritism, every
enemy avows, and quotes in proof the
acknowledged fact-he himself acknowl-
edges it-that he could have played the
coveted part ten times better.
Thus an agent is never popular. He
may, if ne thoroughly knows his business,
be regarded with feelings of awe, and
treated with respect. Men may laugh at
his jokes, eagerly seek his hand. Wo-
men may flatter his vanity, jostle for his
smiles; even cheerfully submit to his
rudeness. And this he may call popu
larity. 1t is not. 1t is part payment in
advance for prospective favors. Not
br1be, certainly not; but an intuitive
offering from that hope which springs
eternal1n the human breast" In their
hearts the agents clients most cordially
hate him.
What class of fish comes to the agents
net? Small fry, as rule. Very seldom
nlnnow mummerS who haunt the
agents Offices
The interior of these remarkable hir-
ing establishments are quite unknown 10
the uninitlated, being sacred, for the
most part, to ambitious butterflies who
have been dazzled by the glare and
glamour of the "limeso weak, silly
moths, scorched by the footlights, or in
competent drones already banished from
every honeyed hive. Here is a brief
description of not one but all (for they
are all alike of these public offices OF
New York theatrical agents:
A collection of most uncomfortable
chairs. Two or three rickety desks. At
these, clerks or office boys; usually very
'surly and abrupt; always impertinent;
ali assuming an air of profound mystery;
with infinite tact Withholding any intor-
nation you may desire, but especially
communicative on all matters of business
which is none of theirs or yours. EN-
tremely affable to free-and-easy females;
equally offensive to modest ladies.
The walls and, indeed, every available
bit of space are covered with professional
photographs, mostly in shabby frames,
always very dusty. These counterfeit
attached, the prettier faces exhibiting the
worst handwriting. Many also bear
1attering illusions to the agent. These
occupy the prominent positions.
On the floor is an old oilcloth, worn in
many places to the boards by the heavy
feet of weary walters. These the only
boards they often tread. A quantity of
country playbills are hung about, most of
them marked with blue pencil to empha-
size the interesting fact that MIR. So-and-So
played Bernardo at the Grand Opera
house, Slushington, Ohio, or that Miss
rDottie Whatsername is touring through
Texas with "Macready's Merrie Num-
lners." Some dirty copies of theatrical
papers, well thumbed at the Wanted"
advertisement pages, are strewn about
and occasionally there is a stove which
always smokes in defiance OF the printed
prohibition. That is all.
The people who frequent these places
frequent is the correct word) exhibit in
themselves every type of character which
stalks the stage of life. The grave and
gay. the Joyous and the sad, heroes and
villains, domestic heroines and heartless
jades, cads and clowns, Diana, Phyrne,
AdoniS and NarcissuS-great numbers OF
1he latter self-adoring gentlemen-make
up the crowd. Green old age and youth
are there.
Upon the mimic stage each invariably
assumes the character most unlike his
true nature. Beware of that gentleman
who plays the heroic part and champions
lovely woman in distress. He is danger
Gus and unscrupulous. But yonder
beetle browed rutfian, who consigns her
to 1.-THE deepest dungeon beneath the
castle moat," give him your hand. He is
man to honor. Again, this sweet, low
able creature, the perfection of woman
hood, is in much demand for high-souled,
innocent heroines. If you only knew
her secrets. Let them remain her secrets.
But what of that loud-voiced lady,
with manner not too modest? If you
could see herp eaceful home, her happy
children, her honored husband and her
otb en- hxh tod
in a bond of love and truth, you would
forgive her for exhibiting most prodigally
her shapely form in fairy extravaganza
or playing risky parts in frivolous French
1arces.
agents. offices rarely fill what are tech
nically called speaking parts' upon the
stage They are candidates for the
chorus, or ambitious amateurs, with here
and there a needy novice whose very
impecuniosity is a bar to his or her ad-
Vancement One with mine of burieJ
talents, lacking capital to work it..
1t is curious to observe how all, as they
enter peer about the room in the evident
hope of seeing the agent, and immedi-
ately receiving the goods for which they
have waited so long. He is neyef there
eave when he passes hurriedlv through
causing an intense tluttering among the
walters, but shaking Off like dirt those
more daring spirits who endeavor to de.
tain him, and totally ignoring all. He
can only be spoken with in mis- den be-
vond wonder door, the door without &
handle. Otherwise, some day someone
might have the audacity to open it, and
Ynasked, invade the sanctity and privacy
of the agent. This might be most incon'
Nenient.
The next movement of habitues is t
ask one of the clerks If Mr.. Agent wishe!
IN see them this morning. The clerk
never knows. YOU'D better wait ano
see" is the stereotyped reply. If they
did know, beyond all possibility o
doubt. that you were only wasting you
lime thew would let you wait all day. II
this policy they pay their master the sin
cerest form of Halter.
After this rebuff, a beginner probably
pretends to take great interest in tht
photographs and playbills, examining
Them closely, at the same time keeping
vistful, anxious eye on the manager
door. After an hour or so he drops un
comfortably into chair, and his feat
ures gradually assume the sickly snigge
of conscious foolishness.
Sometimes it is far worse. HeartSick
mass and despair overcast fair faces far to-
often in these agents offices. Of course
there are other characteristics to chron
icle. Nature, like an experienced drama
fist. relieves her most somber dram
with here and there comic scene, and
Won wait all day you probably Will j
vou want to see the agent you may b
sfIle of many hearty laughs.
S-ou will smile at the young lady wit
+be sealskin and diamonds who is tellin
her friend about ''my Harchie and i
sorses.'' She is waiting to sign centrae
10 anuear in professions at The trIvoi
itv = for which artistic services she is I
receive SD a week. Notice the way sh
..,1,- oor,oar from ton toe