Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-07-28
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Many man is sunstruck trying to
make hay while the sun shines
When man is generous to fault,
it is never one of his wife's. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
People speak of the face of note,
when it's really the figure that inter-
ests them. Sparks.
A small boy says if time is made of
days and nights, it must be striped like
a circus zebra. Puck.
1t is contended that there is nothing
in a name, and yet about all one has is
in it. Galveston News.
The man who strikes for shorter
hours is always willing to except the
one allowed for dinner. Puck.
Independence is the inclination to
mind ones own business, combined
with the ability to do SO. Puck.
A great deal of repentance nowadays
is done in broadcloth and ashes of
roses, instead of sackcloth and ashes.
Texas Siftings.
No girls musical education is con-
sidered complete these days until she
can sing as if she were having her teeth
pulled. .-Atchison Globe.
A correspondent wants to know if it
is ''the correct thing to eat shad with
a fork only" 1t would be safer to eat
it with a sieve. Statesman.
The chappie of to-day is the old
fashioned dude dipped in little de-
pravity. He has just brains enough to
be nuisance. Texas Siftings.
She" How do you suppose the apes
crack the hard shells of the nuts they
pick" He-"With monkey wrench,
of course. American Hebrew.
Alas for the story of gloom
That chases a chill through the blood;
He starts with wonderful boom
And concludes with a sickening thud.
Washington Star.
The peck of trouble we hear so much
about, if handled properly, could be
easily gotten into a quart measure
without knocking the bottom out
Puck.
Struckile-'1 am beginning to think
that ones ancestors are important.
Miss McBean-"Y Yes, they come under
the head, Important, if true. =
Vogue.
No matter how finely the display
window of store may be fitted up,
the pretty young lady clerk will always
prove unter-attraction. Rochester
Democrat.
You have all seen the little thimble-
sized after dinner coffee cups, that are
SO awkward to handle; well. that's the
size of most mems cup of joy.-Atchi-
son Globe.
Johnny Mamma, can't you tell me
a new fairy story?" Mrs. Braggs--"I
don't know any, Johnny. Maybe your
father will tell me some when he comes
in tonight Bulletin.
"Here, mamma, is the clock key.
Will that do?" ''Do for what?"
"Why, for you. / heard you saying
a while ago that you were all run
down. Rochester Democrat.
Little slots for nickels.
Open-mouthed but dumb \
Gives the jawious schoolgirl
Wads of chewing-gum.
Detroit free PresS.
woman will face frowning world
and cling to the man she loves through
the most bitter adversely; but she
wouldn't wear bonnet that was out
of fashion to save the Government. -
Tit-Bits
Husband-"Can't 1 help you pack
that trunk?" Experienced Wife
eyes, you can help me immensely by
going straight in town to your office
and leaving me to pack it as l see fit.
-Somerville Journal.
sis Sir Robert Paulton very tiny
man, mammal" inquired little Maud
earnestly. 'No, my dear, not very.
Why do you ask?" Because father
says he's to sit on your right hand at
dinner tonight. Funny Folks.
Boys, said the teacher, eve must
all work in this world. Did any OF
you ever get something for nothing?"
YES" replied every boy in the room.
"What q asked the teacher in surprise.
"a lickin', was the reply. New York
Tribune.
'You understand, Betty" said the
mistress, THAT we are to move out OF
this house the first of next month";"
'Yes'm, answered Betty. '1've been
sweepin' all the dirt into the registers
for the past three weeks. Chicago
Tribune.
Hicks Look Mt Gaddingsl He has
sat listening to Miss Pedalpounder play
that piano for over an hour. l thought
you told me that Gaddings wasn't fond
of music" Wicks-"He isn't. But
he's just daft on athletics. - Boston
Transcript.
''No. sir, said the milkman. 81 am
not going to have the sin on my head
of injuring any one by giving impure
milk. l have had the water in my
well analyzed and it is bad. The well
wants to be cleaned out, the analyst
says, and I'm going to have it cleaned
out, and don't you forget it. Boston
Courier.