The morning call., 1893-02-28
GETTING ON A CAR.
How Various People Do the
Trick.
FUN FOR THE CONDUCTORS.
The Monaghan Man and Brother Gets
on Like Cow-How Beauty
Does 1t.


Francisco who have any sense of humor
must be vastly amused at the funny sights
they see every day. From their solemn
faces and non-committal air they might be
blind for all anyone can gather.
They are not expressive, those faces of the
streetcar conductors, but they could prob
ably tell heap" if they could be induced
to talk. But they are as silent as the
initiated of fraternity, and only from oc-
casional jaunts on the cars can you ex-
perience for yourself the amusing things
that go to make up the laugh side of life.
For instance. have you ever noticed how
people stop the cars? That one thing is in
itself richly worth studying. There are as
many ways of doing 1t as there are people.
times tedious ride.
Take an old gentleman from the outside
districts who is in San Francisco for a
short visit. lie has never gotten over his
awe at hearing that the ''city" had a cable
system and will never get over his respect
for the system Itself. LIE is vastly inter-
ested Ia the workings of it and will ride the
first thing TO the power b ouSe, where lie
will divide thrills with the small boy. But
when he is stopping one of them mysteri-
Gus thingumbobs" he isn't fooling around
trying 10 get his mug spoiled at all. He
generally takes his station in the middle of
the track about twenty feet or more ahead
of the dummy front, and. standing like the
Colossus OF Rhodes, waves his handker-
chief with the greatest violence.
he is red in the face and Is keeping an
eye peeled Tor that uncanny thing. the car.
But he finally has TO be rung off the track
by the gripman and admonished in lan-
guage imp0te before be succeeds In clam
beTiDg into seat and stepping all over
everybody in the attempt.
People who are in a hurry to move on are
apt TO mutter impatiently as the elegantly
attlred young lady gets on. First of all she
comes elsurely down the steps Of the great
house where she lives buttoning her gloves
and wondering if she is making an impress
sion on the whole car or only semi-idiotic
parts of 1t. This takes time, but the ear
must wait. Finally she reaches the side
walk by easy stages and pauses with
dainty affectation ON the crossing TO wave
for that car TO stop. She has kid s0les TO
protect from the dust or mad, as the case
may be, and bulky train to manage.
and you must not hurry her. Besides.
why interrupt picture that is well worth
seeing? Then there are ribbons to keep
FROM getting wound around the rail at the
rear OF the car and grease 10 be looked out
for, and heIiOtrope leather pocket-book
shade and yaaigrette and bonbon box to
look after, and sister to be waved to at the
window and altogether it is pretty ser ious
thing to do. And through ii all she has the
air of having stopped that car by that ap-
pealing wave OF her tightly gloyed little
hand.
1t takes her several minutes to settle
after she is once well in and seated. and
the pattiDg Of draperies aud the adjusting
of laces and bows and the enumerating of
her belongings take her fully five minutes
and then IL is about time to begin TO pucker
to prepare 10 commence to start to do it all
over again. And the last you see of the
darling she Is counting over that set of
things beginning with the pocket-hook and
card case and sun-shade and yinaigrette
and bonbo box and figuring whether they
are all there or whether she hadn't better
stop that ear again and get in and look.
In delicious contrast TO her is the small
boy. He would SO sctrn himself if he
should happen TO stop car that he would
60 and cultivate the drink habit straight
way and go TO 'the dogs" To him it is the
most positive evidence of feeblemindedness
and places him beneath the contempt of the
lowest person living. lie runs after the
car 10 begin on, because to walt for one
would be a weakness that he does not pos
sess A thing easily attained is TO him I'M
worthy OF being desired and he delights
consequently il breathlessly oyertaking the
difficulties 10 the uninitiaied or the
nervous. But it is comparatively easy
thing for him even IL he is loaded down
with strap full of books and that badge
of ignominy-a lunch basket
He never comes inside, no matter what
the weather. and deies storm and wind to
hang on to the dummy in dangerous atti-
tudes and thinks Ii dirt cheap at a nickle.
What matter Ii he does stand on your feet
half the time aud have puffy times finding
his money in twenty-five pockets, he is a
living embodiment of what you have lost in
the shape of your own youth. IL you re-
spect yourself you are pretty apt to respect
the small boy, imp though he is.
There Is the nervous woman who would
rather never have thing in the world or
never get downtown than signal and board
car. 1t is torture TO her, as much from
her shyness as her dread. She is generally
well advanced in life and delicately con-
structed person, with a fidgety manner and
n rowing. fearful eye. She stands well aloof,
but is none the less able to accomplish her
object-that of stopping that car. She waves
agtatedly and fran tically to the last minute,
as ii she took IL for granted that the con-
ductor was what he pretends to be-haughty
and not easily moved to compliance. She Is
afraid in the first place that all her strain
ing efforts to make him slow up will be in
vain and is evidently going through the
agony OF seeing him spurn her and
after all she may not get downtown"
till dark, and then 1t will be time TO
come straight back again. She comes as
close as she dare to this dynamite machine,
the car, and calls TO the conductor to add 10
the forces already brought to bear upon
him, and finally nothing can exceed the
look of mingled triumph and gratitude she
wears as she really places tmid foot upon
the steps. But her triumph and gratitude
are both secondary to her fears that she
will even yet be dashed to pieces on the
road and dragged for miles and miles,"
When she Is well in her seat she is thank
full but not at rest, and sits on points wait
ing for the horrible intelligence that they
are Off the track or are running away. She
will never be surprised, that Is one thing
certain. and a disaster would have been
Just what she expected" She will some
time have the pleasure OF saying Il told You
So" but that will be all the fun she will
ever get out OF life.
Perhaps the married man Is most to be
pitied as he numbers patiently onto the
cable car with his luggage of infants and
tmid wife to handle. He generally has
two or three satchels and a set of family
umbrellas. and his mein Is one OF meekness
and depreciation. His pockets bulge with
brides for the children and he suffers in
silence. Whenever mouth is open TO yell
in pops gum drop, and the married man
falls back in his seat with an expression Of
saved, saved" on his face that is highly
entertaining.
There is an old woman that gets on often
at a certain place, and is sure TO be frelghted
with all the law will allow In the shape of
baggage. She wears fascinating smile
and an air Of feminine heplessness that
brings the chlvarous TO their feet in An in
slant. One takes her by the arm and an-
other lifts her baskets and in she comes,
wearing the triumph of the belle. All. we'll.
it is charming sight to see how willing the
gentlemen are to assist her.
The business woman doesn't need any
help. not she. She stands ia good time on
the crossing and gives peremptory and
majestic motion OF her hand that awes the
conductor at once. She steps Or. often.
while the car Is still in motion and the co.,
ductor trembles as he thinks of the dam
ages she will demand If she misses her
footing. But he might as well try to stop