Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1893-04-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY

Fun.
Mistress of the situation-The servant
girl.-Life.
Consumed with curiosity I'm familiar
| viands.-Truth.
Gets down to work-The pillow
maker.-Truth.
A man never finds how dull he is til
he tries to live by his wits. life.
Carver-"I'm but newer of wood"
Marine Painter-"And l but a drawer
of water"
She-"Are these flowers all nature;"
He-"Yes, all except the price. Chi
cago Inter. Ocean.
In fight between a porcupine AMI q
bull dog recently, the latter was severely
outpointed. d.-Puck.
She -"Diamonds arc like women IS
hearts-the richest jewels in creation. {"
He-"And the hardest. Fun.
Ethel-"How did George like your
swan's-down boa?' Maude-"He was
tickled with it."-Newport News.
One of the times when man begins
to cry and sigh that all men are not hon
est is when he gets the wrong hat
Rams Horn.
TsWell, I've been making goose of
myself" said the hen, when the eggs on
which she had been sitting hatched into
goslings.-Truth.
"Did you ever go 10 Bins, the tailor2'
"Yes. Got two suits from him. One
dress suit. One law suit. Very expea-
sive man. ."-Waif.
1t is curious how mucl faster street.
car humps along when you are running
after it than when you are riding on it.
Richmond Recorder.
"Goodness me, Johnny! What are
you crying about now2' '''Cause
Tommy dreamed about eatin' pie last
night and didn't. Indianapolis Jour
nal.
''Why did your hired girl leave you?"
"She didn't like the extra work." ;"
"What extra work did she have to do3"
"Collecting her wages" - Harper's
Weekly.
Merchant-"Now here is a piece of
goods that speaks for itself" Uncle
Hayseed-"Well, that wouldn't suit
Mandy. She likes to do her own talk
in. Inter Ocean.
Father-"A hundred dollars for a
suit of clothes 1 never paid that for a
suit in my life." Son--"Well, you'll
have. to begin now, father; here's the
bill."-Brooklyn Lille.
Mrs. Bingo-"Dcar, after this you
must wear dress suit down to dinner"
Bingo - "What fora" Mrs. Bingo -
"Our new girl has been used to it,
Clothier and Furnisher.
He-"Do you love me, darling2" She
-"Sometimes 1 think do; and then
again when you have that hideoua, baggy
new overcoat on, doubt the strength OF
my affection. It'd Bits.
Trotter-"I hear that Grace Willough.
by is engaged to zeal live lord" Bar
low---"Well, they claim hes alive, but
I've seen him several times and I'm
rather sceptical. ."--Vogue.
"Now we can fix him in this way"
said the lawyer. "Oh, talk is cheap"
said the client. "Well, wait till you get
through with this and see whether talk
is cheap or not. New York Press.
"Don't you find him just as repre-.
sented himq" Lady Indignantly, -
mo, sir. You said he was bird dog,
and he hasn't sung a note yet, and Tye
had him two weeks. y Chicago Inter
Ocean.
At the Chemistry Exam "WhIca is
the best-known insulator?" The Candi-
date "a young student, pale and thin,
with a bilious complexion aud savage
look about him)-''Poverty, sir!'-Le
Monde Illustre.
Mother Quitting the boy out of the
pantry)-s'How many more times will
have to tell you to keep out of the pre-
serve jarl" Small Boy (sobbing)--"No
more, mamma; they're all gone. DE.
troit Free Press.
Sport-"My watch loses something
every night aud seldom makes it up dur.
ing the day. What ails it?" Jeweler
(rehectively)-"Evideutly it is trying to
conform to the habits of its owner."-
Jewellers Weekly.
Prisoner - "Yes, your Worship, I
committed the theft with which | am
charged entirely through the instigation
of my medical adviser" Magistrate
"Tou mean to say that in carrying out
an experiment in hypnotsm he sug.
gested the crime TO you9' Prisoner-"I
don't know about that; but one thing is
certain, he told me to take something
before going to bed. ."--Agenda Prin-