The Northwestern recorder., 1893-01-14
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

| WHAT the solar system needs now is a
good stringent law foT the punishment
Of vagrancy. City Star.
| In Missouri they sell Shetland ponies
| by the perpendicular foot, and the pur-
| chaser has to pony up Chicago Tribune.
| SOME of our theatrical managers might
do well to emulate the example OF the
heavens in the matter of shooting stars.
Boston Transcript.
SHE-"Dld your grandfather live to a
green old aged?" He-''Well should
say SO! He was buncoed three times
after ne was seventy. .'-Life.
| THAT Wyoming woman who has been
made Justice OF the peace ought to be
happy. She can have the last word
every time-C Chicago NearS- Record.
The personal Recollections of Bal
| let Dancer" are announced for early
publication. What Washington said to
her will be read with interest.-Phatd-
deEphia Ledger.
LET us take cotton as an example"
exclaimed an uptown tariff debater.
| 'Or, for that matter, let us take tobac-
CO. Or, better still, let us take whls-
ky !" And the chair Immediately de-
clared a recess at the debater's expense.
Budget.
GLADYs-"I suppose your brother
| Henry hasn't done much waking since
he bought bicycle?" Berenice-"No.
| He broke his leg the first time he tried
to ride it. ."-Brooklyn Life.
A CHANCE TO oRIsE.-Butcher-"I need
q boy about your size, and will give you
So week" Applicant-"Will l have
chance to rise ?'' es. l want you
to be here at o'clock every morning."
Life.
THE worst sinner as we'll as the best
saint can wear the shiniest hat.-TerdS
| S1tings.
WHEN man has boil he is in
position to keep his family in hot water.
| -BinghamtOn Leader.
ILLINOIS farmers have decided to or
ganize to fight the twine trust, with
| which they are not in cord.-SJting
IT is not at all strange that most of the
prize-fights which have great number
of rounds are not square.-Bufdto E:r-
press.
A CAREFUL West Philadelphia man
will not shake hands with Mason for
fear he will take the grip.-Philadelphia
| Record.
Mrs. SINGER-"Patti has a diamond
ring worth $1,000" Mr.. Singer-"Oh,
we'll, I'll wager she got it for mere
song. ."-Je1CeIers' Weekly.
PEOPLE are soinconsistent. They will
speak in complimentary terms of the
minister's slow delivery, while they
swear at the messenger bows YonkerS
| Statesman.
IT has never yet been decided by
competent authorities whether snoring
is vocal or instrumental music. Calling
it ''sheet music doesn't settle the
matter at ALL Concord Monitor.
JALEBY-"I don't see why Smith calls
Miss, Harper's conversation intoxicat-
ing" Felton-'I suppose because it's
extra dry. y Chicago Inter Ocean,
"JoHN," said Mrs. Norton, as she
seated herself at the hotel breakfast
table, ''d;d ycu call waiter?" "Yes,"
said Norton, looking up from his paper,
81 called him and he had tray full. -
Life.
"DoN'T you think you are OVERRIDING
this matter of delay ?' said the creditor.
"Not at all, " replied the debtor, "but l
am satisfied that your part Of the trans
action is decidedly over-dun. - Wash
jn0tOn Star.
EDIToR-"You say you want a check
for some jokes you left here two weeks
Sgsoop W y H, h rhosee ke eB nave begn Pa1u
for Mr.. Chestnut-"How long ago,
sir?" "Oh, about fifty or hundred
years, l imagine. Life.
BRowN-''There were some things in
which the ancients surpassed the mod
erns." Dunn-''What, for instanceY'
Brown-"Noah was better weather.
prophet then the fellows who make the
predictions nowadays. ."-PucE.
PRIDE-'' 'Hypathiah! Come aft dat
dar rail D'yew heah what tai yew
JUS now? Come aft dat rail 'majiateIy
S'pose people was to pass by, what they
take vew fo', settin' dar muffin on but
you shirt? They take you for common
folk "-Boston Budget.
FIN DE SIECLE.-Justly Irate Parent
Robert, you are naughty boy. You
want a jolly good hiding" Robert
pardon me, father. l may need chas-
tisement, but l do not want it."-Judy.
Guests Routed by Fire.
II an All Ton Tho L