Weekly independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 1887-1914, 1893-07-30
CRANKY INVENTORS.
Some Of tho Queer Productions
Sent to tho Potont Omco
Visionary Gcniuses Who Ima=tno Their
Complicated Devices iro Going to
Dcconc the Uondc of tho
Civilized World.

-
There arc queer pco?lc in this world.
Among the quccrcSt are conc OF the
inventors who food the patent Office
with their scvcrcly queer designs.
Eyes" said IN official recently, "wc
sec multitrdcs of ~'cranliS' ut this build
ing, ind our chief amusement il to
read the specifications of ambitious
but cratic inventors, who clamor for
4 great Of patent. There is tho air
ship crank with . quiet notion in mis-
head that he is to be soEIc day = pub
lie bcncfactor, but who really knows
n5 Iauch about acro5tation n n jacls-
rabbit. Next to hiri in oddities Of
thought is the frc-cscapc dreamer,
with his ladders, pulloys and cables"
Upon investigation in the record
room l discovered drawings OF the Let
est patents piled on q low shelf. Upon
pcrusal the Erst device of 4 peculiar
nature wa3 discovered. The invention
in question was a. improved method
ofcXtcrminating mosquitoes, for which
q Texan wns given letters patent. The
winged messengers of bliss probably
made themselves obnoxious to the
patcatcc and he determined to nuui-
hilatc the whole species. His irvca-
ton is T. queer and complicated inter
mixture of screens, Eauzc and wiirring
mechanism, into which the little buzz
ing sonS3tar5 are drawn and cffcctual-
ly aruihilatcd.
Another inventive genius from the
west solicited n patent for n fruit
picker. This instrument Is n very
InoacSt-lool:ing affair, resembling
somewhat ouc-i!alf OF q pair of shcor5.
a small ring cts orcr the forc-lugcr of
the operator, and brings alright angles
n cutting edge OIL blade. The fruit TO
be cat IS held in the left hand, and by
| gra5ping the stem in . certain manner
with the right hand and giving . quick
twist either the aforesaid fruit or tic
thumb will be severed. The inventor
in this case seemed to ovcrloo': tho
fact that the greatest varieties OF
American fruits do not grow on bushes
or within reach of the hand, and last,
but not least. the welfare of the per-
son handling his useful little implc-
mcnt hos to be respected.
\ little vTaydowa in the file is q pc-
culiar looking machine, patented by q
MichiGandcr and used by said gentle
man in lifting pans from stoves. Tho
apparatus cElbodicS Gucha complicated
mass OF levers, ecrcyys and other similar
devices Of mechanism that it is safe to
say his pa:iiftcr will never find popular
favor in the American kitchen.
For the past six nonthS n car-coup-
ling epidemic has oprcad itself ana
P~crmCatcd every state in the union.
The epidemic is Il mania for I'll classes
TO invent ~car-couplcr5 and get patcur
grants therefor.
The larger portion of these coupIcr5
are so co:npiicatcda useless TINT the
anxious ~ratcG;ccs will never receive
an iota Of ccod from their Inventions.
u certain individual from the In
pirc state named Collins applied for II
grant on n TiclIlcss lamp The latter
Was tested and IN explosion followed.
The lamp and application went to
pieces together.
But the quccrest of queer departures
in this cnliGhtcncd age Is that taken by
an eccentric resident OF Ohio, who in
vented m equally eccentric boat on
eccentric ideas. The boat was to bc
so constructed rs to rol. over the wa
tors in the fashion of n log or wheel.
This strange craft was 10 be propelled
~ nc WIN SNIINllIB on SGltlDiC
blades standing out from the raLii
Of the hull. The Oh!oan failed to
state in Ills specifications how the
crew OF tho boat woald dispose OF
themselves during the revolutions of
the body ON the surface of the deep,
ard the examiners sent his application
higher than II balloon.
Then comes along q certain man
named Knox, II bona Gdc citizen of a
southern STAKE, who hnsnot apparently
proi!tcd blythe example of the hmcri-
can who tried TO catch sunshine some
years ago. This modern mortal has
constructed o conundrum which no
alleges will cffcctuully capture tho
heat from old Sol, and retain the same
for later use. This philosophical won
der rs in the hands OF the oriGiuator's
attorney, and has not as yet mado
It's Appearance in tho interior dcpart-
rncnt, where it will be practically
tcatcd, and then, in all probability, il
will find n deep grave under the de-
partmcnt foundations.
Another late application 10 that Of
james GcarT who claims he can capture
and store atmospheric electricity dur
ing u thunder storm for homo con-
sumption.