Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-04-11
A MODERN PRECISIAN.
AN AUTHOR WHOSE DELIGHT is TO
FIND DEFECTS IN NOVELS.


A chiel Of the grammarian order has beer
taking notes of our blunders in the use o
our native speech, and he has given us tn,
result in a little volume. There is an al
OF anonymity about the whole perform
ance which BELTS the nature of the task
The author is known but as "Anglophil, ,
name for which it will be in vain &c
search in the directory. He publishes at
the Literary Revision and Translation of
flee in the Strand 1t is measure of pre-
caution. Mankind naturally pursues Ia
bors of this kind with an amount Of execra-
tion which is proportional to their benefit.
To learn on irresistible evidence that we
scarcely ever open our mouths without ut
tering an absurdity of construction is to be
made wise and WleJChed at the same time.
Reform seems hopeless. the wretchedness
abides, and we look around for a victim,
unconscious that perhaps Anglophil is the
very person we invite 10 aid MS in our
search.
Such kin joys OF social converse may be
admired, but they can never be loved, and
our benefactor is TO be excused for every
device by which he seeks TO escape the obi
um attaching to his Office. His terrible
mission is to read all the literature of the
day not for its beauties, but for its faults
The periodical press is not his happiest
hunting ground. lie bags most game in
the S-volume novel. Meetings and part
1ngs, the glory OF sunrise in padding,
the tender condolences of affection the
tragic tumult Of the courses Of true love,
are, as such, nothing to him. He runs
through the descriptions of them with the
fierce haste OF au ogre looking for some
thing to devOur, and as soon as he finds
verb out of agreement with its nominative
ease he makes a meal. Dread vet salutary
duty 1t makes men and women afraid to
read novel and still more afraid to write
one, yet it should leave us with enough
charity TO pity the fellow creature on whom
1t has been Laid
"Womanly sympathy and advice is never
wanted" Il is a soothing reflection, and
who cares TO be interrupted in the enjoy
ment Of it by the remark that the sis"
should be ARE" We are not sure that
modern grammariaus would agree with the
author, for there is precedent for the use
of the singular with nouns of kindred sig
MITIGATION. But let that pass Then again,
Her gayety, her good humor, was [werel
so infectious leaves us in no mood to quar-
rel-we are too sad The clammy touch OF
criticism has married the beauty of an en-
tire character. Similarly, "One gives up
all for woman's sake and then they tor
ment ones lie OUT she torrents, etc ].
seems to rob the sacrifice of all its imagi.
native charm. lie saw il still-the bend
of her neck the stoop Of her shoulders, the
fash Of her eyes he saw them still, etc !.
Alas and alas. for a man who, in such
picture, can see but pronoun in the wrong
number
Let us hurry through the other examples
we have no heart for comment. Never
were the weaker * held in greater honor
lwasl MARY had never before seen any
one so handsome, well bred and well
made as her new friend She resented the
latter perfection ,!aatl. Heroes are turned
to dust and ashes iI tie same remorseless
way. His eyes are blue, his nose aquiline"
what can be the matter with thaty Sim
ply that plural eyes and singular nose
must not take the same verb. Put ''is'
after the central feature, and we may once
more yield TO the charm Of the description
II we can. "Of The two lovers, James took
the highest place. The "higher'-any. |
thing for peace
You will feel pleasantly when she is in |
her coffin pheasant but the effect OF
tragic irony has -ane all TO nothing while
T.
The same thing may be said of an equally
fine effect OF scoru: How haughtily he
complained Of the Wine being corked" THAT
the wine was cor1ed! II you please MARY
was occupied with her work. and the paint
er and his model with each other [were en-.
CROSSED with each otherl. And just as the
author seemed settling down to business
we do not like Anglophil: The policeman
is great friends with the cook" [The police
man and the cooi are great friendsl Age
fares no better at his hands than youth:
II refuse even to allow his visits to the
house, much less give him my daughter"
lmuch morel
This spirit of destructive criticism in
vades every part OF life II is not enough
to forbid us to read. we must not speak.
AT every turn we are trippCd up in the sim.
plest colloquiali-ms that have become
household words. Let no man henceforth
say lit don't signify and think there is
an end Of the matter 1t does signify very
much, if you USE tine verb in the plural.
at does not signify, is the absolutely cor
rect, mealy mou.Aed form Who would
not echo the complaint given in one of the
examples, Looking into things don't help
me" 1t is cry Of despair. yet the author
can not let IL pass. Does not help me- is
the right way.
Under treatment Of this sort of course
every phase becomes a stumbling block.
We are at a Sancho's feast of speech, and as
each tempting niorsel of use and wont
comes before the hungry talker the ply
stefan waves il away with his wand.
would any one ia their senses have so
actedi"-stop. would any one in his9"
with one or two exceptions stop again;
with one exception, or with two" eek
ceptions" understood or expressed II you
wish to make the phrase a little more ac-
curately uncouthi Put some more Goals
on the fire" At this point the angry
householder will probably put the book
there as well. But let him be calm and
listen to reason.-London News
sewage Arithmetic.
Savages are not very well of for numer-
ais, and their knowledge Of arithmetic is
exceedingly limited. Very few savage ma