The record-union., 1893-05-20
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

Ethel-Who was the friend l saw with
you moment ago? Ellen-He's not a
friend. Pm engaged to him.-Tit- Bits.
The suitor who gets the mitten isn't
likely to pronounce the contest an en-
gagement with soft gloves.-TeXas Sift-
ings.
How are you getting on with your BIZ
cycle-riding, Dick? Dick-I spend most
of my time getting on.-Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
Kind Party-What are you crying that
way for, little boy? Little Boy|Cause
it's the only way L know how to cry
Life's Calendar.
The Difference-Papa-Why, May, you
are too big a girl to play with dolls.
May-Oh, no, papa. This is a big DOLL
Harper's Young People.
Hobson-Wh paper do you take
now? Jenkins-I don't take any. Hob
son-How is that? Jenkins-I get all the
realism I want in the magazines.-Puck.
Married Man-Why don't you get mar
ried, Miss Perkins? You are getting TO
look like a back number'- will
soon be an old maid. Miss Perkins-If I
were as easy to please as your wife was
| should have been married long ago.
It'd Bits.
1.-THE price of whisky has been raised
again." said Colonel Bludd of Kentucky
"Well." answered his neighbor, there is
one good thing, it can't cost more than it
is worth. PUCK.
"Do you ever have any fear of burg
lars?'' he asked. NO." she said en-
phatically as she glanced up at the clock.
''You are brave" 1T isn't that.U She
said, with another look at the clock. "but
burglars are not likely to come to this
house. The idea prevails that you stay
till daylight every night. New York
Press.
Oh, shooting start Oh, shooting star.
Say. can you tell us that
Which we would like to know, to wit:
What are you shooting at?
Detroit Free Press.
During the Waltz.-She who is being
held unnecessarily tight)-Mr Pressor. I
prefer dancing and hugging separately.
He-Then may | have the next break p
Lite's Calendar.
Took the Wind Out of His Sails
Wages Ito young matron with the per
mpulator)-Good morning, Mrs. Full
bloom! Are you taking the son out for
an airing, or the heir out for summing !?
Mrs. Fullbloom-Neither, Mr.. Wages.
Baby is a girl.-Lite's Calendar.
"The inventor Of the alphabet must
have been a modest man." said Hawkins,
''Why so?" asked Mawson. because
he began it with A." said Hawkins.
"Most men would have begun it with II
-Harper's Bazaar.
Employer-William, Mrs. Spriggans
complains that she received only one of
ali the bundles she had put up here last
night. William-That's funny, sir. /
wrote Mrs. Spriggans" on one bundle
and put Ditto" on each of the others
Tit-Bits.
II can't see why you charge so much
for ice. The crop has largely exceeded
the demand this year" complained the
customer. True, and that has made the
selection of good ice so much the harder.
We aren't experts for nothing" said the
deaIer.-Harper' Bazar.
a Family Type.-AIiss Budd-Do you
know, Mr.. Trotter, that you remind me
very much of q dear freud of mineP
Mr.. Trotter-Indeed Miss Budd-Yes.
Grace Willoughby. Do you know her?
Mr.. Trotter-Oh, yes. 1t must be fam
lily resemblance; she promised 70 be a
sister to me--Harper's Bazaar.
Meekison-Do you think that children
should be allowed on the stage? Murdi
son-No. Meekison - You think thew
should be protected? Murdison-No: bnu
think the public should.-New York
Herald.
Edith-I was so shocked last night. 1
don't believe l will see George if he calls
this morning. Maud-What did he do?
why last evening he suddenly took
hold of me, twisted me round into his
arms, and forcibly kissed me a dozen
times. l don't believe your little Willie
ever insults you that way. does hep;
NO, he's regular gump."-New York
Naws