davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
In Phiflsonhy,

1nstructor-Cadet A, you may define
a sonorous body.
Cadet A body which mas be
made to ring, sir.
lnstructor-For example.
Cadet "A bell. 4 pitcher, a nap
kin.
Instructor-A napkin, Cadet A? Ex-
plain yourself, sir.
Cadet A-Why, Tiffany, when I was
q plebe, made a napkin ring for me.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
The Pig Wasn't tn Dlume.

Mrs. Josh Hayseed-On the Goth of
next November W. will celebrate our
Sver wedding. Don't you think we
ought to kill the fat pig and have n
big feast?
hr. Josh Hayseed-Kin the pig! 1
aoat see row the unfortunate animal
= 70 blame fo- what happened twenty
I'VE years ago.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
Avn ths cline Necdea.

Nather-Ny daughter has mysterious
b disappeared and l have no clue.
Detectiye-Haye you reared her care
fully?
Father-Oh, yes! She was educated
TN a convent. and never went out with
ont her mother.
Detectiye-Wen find her. I'll 60 first
and see If she hasn't answered a matri-
monial advertisement,
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Mother (near-sightedrSes that dis
gracefully-intoxicated brute across the
street! Where a the police be?
Daughter (weeping)-Oh, ma, it's
Brother Bob!
keepers have been druggng that poor
child again!
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
The Requisite Qualifications.

isis, / think you had better shine my
shoes and wash the dishes" said a
wealthy New Yorker to his sister, who
moves in ~aristocratic circles.
What do you mean by such nom
sense?' she asked.
No nonsense about ii. / see you are
flirting with an Italian count If you
are going TO marry him you ought to
be fitting yourself for the position"
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
some Consolation.

q, The Rejected One tafter a painful
pause)-I think, on the whole, 1 win
accept your offer to be a sister to me-
but on one condition.
The Rejecting One-What Is that?
The Rejected Ope-That you win let
me be your little brother. Then l can
get even on some OF my successors.-
Vogue.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

putting in perfect order every part OF the
female system. 1t lessons the pains and bur
dens Of collaborating, supports and strength
ems weak, nursing mothers, and promotes an
abundant secretion Of nourishment.
It's an invigorating, restorative tonic, q
soothing and bracing ~nerYine, and a 0,tarar-
teed remedy for womens Ills and ailments.
In every chronic female complaint" or
weakness, II ii ever fails 10 benefit or cure,
you have your money back.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Trayeler-Could yoa tell me when he
win return2
western Native-Blame me eff ]
Know, pardner. He went lopin' off
with Their cyclone thet struck these
parts bout a week ago an amt been
seen er heard of since; hut yer kin
KIN come in an wait fer him ef yer
like.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
How He Got Two Dinners.

Mr.. Murray Hill-Can't you cat dinner
With me tomorrow?
Hostetter McGiI Lis-I'd prefer day
after Tomorrow. i am already en-
gsged TO eat dinner.
All right, take dinner with me day
after tomorrow. BY whom have you
been invited to dinner for tomorrow"
by your wife"
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Mamma-What's the matter, John
ME?
Johnnie-Boo-hoo-oo! yesterday l fell
down and hurt myself,
Mamma-Well what are you crying
to-day for?
Johnnie-You weren't at home yes
terday.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

This dyspepsia with its abominable symp-
toms, heartburn, sinking ut the pit Of the
stomach between meals and oppression there
afterwards, nervousness, Insomnia and Its
general discomfort Put these TO speedy
flight by Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, which
remedies. also, Liver complaint, kidney and
rheumatic trouble and malariIl disorders.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
That's All.

Mr.. Austin (Of Texas)-I don't see
that you New Englanders have much
to boast about. Why. a negro was
burned ut the stake in Massachusetts
in 1895, AS II Of your Boston papers
admits.
Mr.. Backbay (of Boston)-Then Tex
az Is only ninety-eight years behind the
times. after all.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
HEALTHY

come from healthy
And
mothers win GER
tsinly be healthy
II they'll take DR..
Pierce's Favorits
description
Nothing can equal
1t in building up a
woman's strength,
in regulating and
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
Boston one-Price Clothing House,

Sc. Paul, established 1870. Reliable out.
ntters. Everything worn by man or boy.
Our prices guaranteed always the owest
for frst-class merchandise. Anything you
want sent on approval. Kindly send us
Seur address and we will mail you free
one of our elegant latest illustrated cata-
logues.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Viewer n whfskey for medtcf-
nal purposes unless you know the bottIers
Of K to be reliable, as most whistles sold
under celebrated names are spurious. cheap
articles, whose bottlers cannot afford to
have their names on the labels.
Uncle Sans Monogram Whisky is bottled
ny the oldest and largest firm In the Liquor
line in the Northwest and ythe favor with
which IL has been received Is the best proof
of Its superior quality. Ask your druggist
or retail dealer for 81.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
Wanted TO Obligs. but

Housekeeper-f you want anything
70 eat here, you can just go out there
and weed that flower bed for me.
iatered Tom-rd like to obleege
yen, mum, but I'm afeared the position
Somd make me pants bag at the knees.
New York Weekly.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Thousands Of people, with worse cases Of
Catarrh than yours probably is, have been
permanently cured by DR.. Sage's Catarrh
Remedy, That Is tho reason why its pro-
prietors are willing to promise you $500 If
you can't be cured.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
The Brute.

"Oh, HenryT exclaimed Mrs. Young
husband, b~reathlessly, Il have some
thing terrible to tell You. The baby
has swallowed your shaving brush"
"Oh, that's all right" responded the
brute; 1T was worn out, and / was
going - get a new one anyhow"
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
He Didp't Wait.

Trayeler-Does Mr.. Thompson hSe
here?
Western Natiye-Yep, he lives mere;
but he amt In ut present.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Has found that her little ones are improved
more by the pleasant laxative, Syrup OF
Figs, when in need OF the laxative effect
Of a gentle remedy than. by any other,
and that 1t is more acceptable to them.
The true remedy, Syrup of Figs, is manu-
only.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
Asthma Sufferers

Who have in vain tried every other means
Of relief should try "Schifmann's Asthma
Cure" No waiting for results. Its action
IL immediate, direct and certain, as a single
trial proves. Send to DIR. II. S~chiffmann, st.
Paul, Mimi, for a free trial package, but
ask your druggist first.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

In the United States there are said to be
10000 Free Masons and 6J0,00 o Odd Eel
lows.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

The total mileage OF railways now open
to traffic In Japan il LII.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

The hunting season in the United States
and Canada IL ROW open.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
What A silly question.
The wildcats Age.

Bobby-Pa, what has that man got
In his mouth?
PA cigarette, Bobby.
Bobby-Pa. l want a cigarette.
Pa-No, Bobby, not until You arrive
IL the age OF indiscretion
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Ceylon is the most remarkable gem de-
posit in the world.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

H~gemnn's Ga III a Kce with G1ycerine
The original and only genuine. Cures Chapped Hand
aud Face. Cold soT,s- dc. CO Cork Co.. Haven 81
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Use Browns Bronchial Troches for
Coughs, Colds and all other Throat Troubles.
-'Pre-eminently the best."-Rey. Henry
Ward Beecher.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
should Rejoice Over II.

He-You ought to be glad / love to
kiss CHS.
She-Why2
He-You won't have any trouble to
keep q servant when we marry
Truth.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
How Many People Ii Bothers.

There are 1000 licensed dramshops in
the city Of 81. Louis.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

A Chicago plumber has bought for 500
the Vermont state building, which cost
Sl5 600
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
Never buy whiskey for meais

Barley water and linseed tea are said 70
be excellent for the voice.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
Her Reason.

Herr Professor imusical doctor)--
Your daughter has a ferry goot ear,
madame.
Mamma-Ah, professor, but / want
her 10 study music on account OF her
hands-they're SO Observation-Disclosures
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
AlMaNa I'm Rloom.

Little May-What kind Of q blossom
Is a whisky blossom? Is it like q
daisy?
Ma-What a silly question.
Little May heard Mr.. Jones say
that pa had the biggest gin blossom In
the ward, and that it was a daisy.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

George A~rtingstall. the trainer, considers
elephants the most intelligent OF brutes.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
The Modern Mother

Londsn consumes nearly as much fsh a,
meat.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

II the BABY IL Cutting Teeth,
Be cure and use that old ane weIltried remedy Ma
wrsslow's SoorHrsa srRur for Children Teethins.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
THE LATEST In HUNOB,
'>"E hisiGdT LEAVES FROM orr
CONTEMPORARIES.
'he Lawyer Got Even With the
"ear'iess Being Who Rejected Him
never Heard of the nstaIInent
fiaa-an Ungratefui Texan,

Pale with suppressed emotion. the
struggling young village attorney stood
before the naughty heiress, hat ia hand
and ready to go.
i could have borne your refusal
'erdgris McSorreu," he said brokenly
although | had hoped for a mcre "a.
Yorabie answer. But you have chosen
10 accompany 1t with words Of scorn,
nave accused me OF fortune hunt
ing. You have twitted me with nv
poverty, my ins %g7ihcance and my lack
oI worldly knowledge. / have not de-
served this. l may have been pre-
SuInptuous, but l am not the sordid,
m~ercenary, soulless wretch you have
plotured me 10 be. And, mark nv
words, proud beauty, the day will come
when your naughty spirit shall be
brought lowr'
What will you do. Mr.. BrambleY"
ScOrnfuliy asked the Young woman
viii you sue me for damages? win
you publish some dismal verses about
me: Or Will you crush me by silent
oontempty'
Il shall bide my time. Heartless
being, farewel!'
Long years passed away. In a crowd
ed court 0 in n large city, the IA
nous case Of Kersmith VS.. Jehones was
IN trial. involving the possession Of
millions. EnoS A. Bramuie, o one
Of the most notable and successful law
yers In his native state, leaned forward
In his chair &c croSs-examine a wit
neS9.
Your name, madam" he said, IF
understand You rightly, is Mrs.
Bimm?'
Yes, sir" replied the witness.
Your familiarity with this case grows
out of the fact that you have resided
all your life in. the neighborhood Of
the property in disputef Is that cor
rect?"
Yes, sir"
1T viii be necessary, then. TO ask
yoC-but, FIRST, how long have you been
marriedF'
II was married several years ago.
| am a widow"
How long have you been a widow?'
"Oh-several years"
What was your maiden Manner
"McSOrreu."
Full name, pleaseT"
"Verdigris McSorren."
Thank you. In order TO ascertain
all the facts pertaining to this contro-
yersy 1t win be necessary to ask you
one more question. Now, then, Mrs.
Verdigris MCSorrel Bimmf" Numbered
Lawyer EnOs A. Bramble, rising to his
feet, please tell the jury your age!"-
Chicago Tribune.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

Ihere are 81 metals.
colorado is first in silver.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
g Electricity.

Florida is third In sugar and sixth In
rice.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

"NSNtk "a Va h"S hA&
Darling, l lay my heart and life at
your feet"
"Oh, George
Il love you sincerely, devotedly, ar
IDENTITY, passionately-I love you more
than | can tell. Be mine"
George, l will"
And will you engage yourself to
meT'
II will"
BLESS you, my darling. I am the
happiest man In America tonight"
There was a long, delicious pause
while the compact vas being sealed
Then the maiden whispered:
Am l to have an engagement ring.
dearest?"
Georges face grew pale, his lip quiy-
cred as he replied:
by and by, darling, ! cannot give
you one for awhile"
You cannot. WhyT"
The paleness Of his face was succeed
ed by a deep flush, his face grew dark
and his bosom heayed IS he hoarsely
answered:
I'm just from the fair, and I'm dead
brok e."-New York Press.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
very ssSs

/ even to
pe,ing met
axe Of the
LinteAion
Jack was
She was,
! and was
| her emo.
!, received
b as fit
PC in the
holding
| the truth
revoked.
rs church.
not show
king; but
not occur
much in
lie gasp in
ar crying
ne gmped
on, Bell;
T. by all
|1out until
Lilly kept
|edlework |
advantage
as the
Mrs. Lii. |
too round |
ut struck |
her sub |
come do, |
F. really
Go. chr |
NJ" /
and my |
+ prompt.
next mo- /
Pc again, 1
nd to 20 /
asonably, 4
hear rea. /
I I'll do I
so salts. 4
took his 4
lie. Mira \
1ight be- b
d smiled 4
RED most \
ut can't 4
never In \
| to want h
ythmg 4
arse we n
18th quick Is
her faith. N
AR. Lilly. II
Sure H
b long as
and sud.
| on such
don't :;
with it"
)u know,
W the al.
darling
g wasn't
Opsy and
I it, Mr..
ear from
s. Lilly
t I have
going on
Q TO ask
he someE
ance my
bis owa,
pounds
l 70 him
err" said
pay for
t.. VIII
|. LGlyT'w
his pipe
I'd to re-.
quhdy,E
hen rcd.
so tight.
buttons
as dear
ne fifty
c0nteDt
49, al
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07
There's Many n Slip 'Twixt the Cur
and tue Lip.


and the Lip.
The subjoined announcement actually
appeared In n suburban paper OF the
German capital:
II hereby declare that the engage
ment Of my daughter Marie with MI.
W, merchant, of this city, was
broken off FIVE minutes before the we'd
ding. as the honorable s~tepfather OF
Mr.. WWW came to me and observed
that it was high time i should state
what mount of dowry l was scing to
give my daughter. As the thumbserew
Of the right honorable Herr Stepfather
was not to my liking l showed the
honorable gentleman the door, ana l
believe that, In doing SO, / have acted
as a man of honour"
The full name and address or the
sender are appended to the above
Neue Freie PreSse.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

/ aImosl
SLOW
b taught
bat di@
labsr1
|nbols
IS. lni
Of m
b, In
h,tIity q
10 ch4
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1893-12-07

nd to 20
hsOnably,
near rea.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1893-02-10
CONDENSED DISPATCHES.

The caravel Santa Maria. accompanied BY a
Spanish cruiser, sailed from Cadz, Spain, on
Monday.
The trial of Michael Blume for the murder Of
A. 6. Haskin at Fresno Cal. last May was be-
gun Monday.
with misappropriation Of his funds by his
chief clerk, j. s. SMELL.
The British forces in the Simla district in In
dia have won victory over the kachyen tribe,
capturing their stockade.
Robert J. Wynne. Secretary of the Treasury
Fosters private secretary, is to be appointed
deputy comptroller OF currency.
The recall of the Duke of Orleans from Africa
is said 10 be the prelude to the abdication of the
Count of Paris in his sons favor.
1t is reported in Boston that Clevel and has Of
fered the secretaryship OF state to John Quincy
Adams TIE latter denies the report.
The warship Atlanta has been recalled from
Port au Prince, in consequence OF the progress
toward a settlement Of the News claim.
The body of q man, supposed to be Charles
Humbert, was found in the debris OF the burnt
Fremont hotel at Red Bluff Cal, on Wednesday.
Bill Pigeon, an Indian desperado, a pal of
Christie, VINO was recently killed, shot three
deputy marshsls near Iahlequah, L T., on
Wednesday.
David Deems, q relig gious crank, has founded
ment around Columbus, Kan. Deems is thought
to be insane.
Henry Irving appeared in London on Monday
night In Tennysons drama of Beckett" His
acting was superb aud Ellen Terry, as Rosa
mond, was magnificent.
John Marks, a farmer, and his daughter were
burned to death on Monday near Lindsay. Ont,
while attempting to rescue their Old mother
from burning dwelling.
committee OF the Panama canal stockhold.
ers has reported in favor of continuing work on
the canal without asking an extension OF the
concession from Columbia
joint resolution was introduced in the
Minnesota legislature on Monday morning
calling on congress 10 establish new cabine,
Office 10 bs known as secretary OF labor.
corporal and several soldiers were killed by
a bomo thrown by anarchists at Barcelona,
spsn, on sunday. Teresa l!arimun. her hus-
band and dozen anarchists were arrested
A. sherman, Tex, James sebastian accident
ally exploded dynamite in his house, destroying
the building and horribly mangllng himself and
wills. three children aud two more persons.
William samuel Hurley, -four merchant, has
begun snit against lillian ami JACOB Miles to
recover s3J0, ,0oJ alleged TO nave been taken out
OF his fathers estate, OF which Jacob vas exc
eutor.
Wholesale grocers of leading Mississippi ana
Missouri river points are organizing with q
view TO aioting territory IL sAich to sell at
fixed prices on q Combination with manuiac-
tuvers
Judge Brown, OF Dallas. Tex, on Monday ap-
pointed ". c. McG!nniss temporary receiver OF
the Dennison Land and Investment Com pany.
Two yes-s ago the property was appraised al
ST. 900.
Bueuos Ayres is threatened with bein placed
under state Of siege s.o01 members OF the
Humboldt colony At santa Fe are in arms aad
declare open war as sinst the operalions Of the
wheat tax.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1893-02-10

Hawaiian Royaity's supporters Belong
to the "Opium Ring"

WAsHISGroN City, Feb. 9-Hawaiian
Commissioner Carter said that among
some of the members of the provisional
government the sentiment prevailed be-
fore the departure of the commissioners
for the United States that protectorate
should be sought. He continued:
He and Thurston, believing that the govern
ment should stand upon its own bottom pend
Ing the negotiations with this country, had op-
posed this. Thurston AMI his associates said
the whites who had made the trouble to which
the Honolulu Advertiser referred, comprised
what was known the "opium gang politi-
clans and their associates, who would be known
in this country as "ward strikers or ''heelers."
Kinney, of Salt Lake, who accompanies
the commission in the capacity of coun-
sci, said the most significant item of news
in the dispatches from Honolulu was that
there had been indications of dissen-
sions existing among the members
of the executive council. This he
said betrayed the greatest danger
which now threat the government, as
the members of the council are men who
have been clothed with authority without
any previous experience in the exercise of
1t, and that. without the restraining force
of the protectorate, they would inevitably
have divided into factions and worked at
cross purposes.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1893-02-10
THE INSULT TO ANDERSON.
Even the Populists Voted to Expunge
the Offensive Words.

OLYMPIA, Feb. Especial. AFTER the
visit of the labor delegation this afternoon
the house was agitated over the attack
on Anderson OF Whatcom and even
the Popuiists did not vote against
the motion to expunge the offensive
reference in the address presented by the
delegation. Hoole wanted to send a CON-
mittee to the congress to secure with
drawal of the Objectionable words, but the
house refused, Judson remarking sotto
voce: mo; We are even with
them" Mays felt that no ofiense
was intended, but Meany thought NAYS
must be very thick-skinned 10 be able to
take that view. Anderson, the member
assailed, said he did not care about the
matter on his own account, bur he re-
garded it as the greatest insult
to a legislative body ever heard
Of Winchell declared that q mistake
was made when Meany's motion to receive
only written communication was not
carried. The action OF the senate was a
more direct way Of dealing with the al
front and surprise Is expressed that the
house was not equally prompt.
The bill for which Anderson was criti-
cised is one to protect iaborers in their
right to labor and to punish discharged
workmen or strikers for interfering with
parties who desire 10 work in the place OF
such discharged workmen or strikers. A
penalty is provided for intimidation or
bribery or attempt at bribery, or other in
reference, fine of not less than 81, coo
nor more than 5000, to which may be
added term of not to exceed two years
in the pententiary. The congress at
meeting held after the visit Of its delcga-
ton to the capitol. voted to strike the
offensive resolution from the address and
adjourned sine die.