davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1893-11-23
Ste
LET US SUGGEST

Sme arhchstos select your Christmas Gifts hon. We're already to serve you from the largest
brightest and oy corpttea assortment of Holiday Goodsm Montana Mustn't Think, though,
that we're selling nothing but Holiday Goods Everyday merchandise moving as fast ever,
and at the uuh cut rates
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
A Major In a Hole.

The major and had been talking of war
for couple of hours as we sat on the We
randa in the moonlight, when man came
limping down the street. Just as we
caught sight Of him the major was relat-
ing how he charged against Hooker's forces
at the battle of Antietam, but he cut it so
short off that / turned TO him and said:
well, you had driven back the lines and
were rushing after them when-when''-
Say, major'' called the new arrival as
he halted at the steps, Il reckon I'll hev to
see the doctor ag'in."
YES. go and see him." replied the ma
jor I'm rather busy just now, Ben
Il think another bone splinter is workin
out on me-" continued the man as he felt
of his leg.
"Yes, perhaps so. Better see the doctor
in the morning. Pm engaged just now,
Ben
Gurus that it don't heal sup, amt its''
queried the man as he felt of his leg some
more
'I'll see 20 in the morning, Ben." re
piled the major, who seemed to be unnec-
essarily anxious to get rid of the man.
Yes Say, major, that was a hot fight
and no mistake We lost 16 men out of
our company"
'Yes-yesi I'll see yo' in about an hour!''
An awful hot fight. Yo' orter bin thar
when we drive Hooker back through the
cornffeldl"
I'm engaged just now, Benz
''But yo' wasn't thar | was thar fur
yo', howeyer-as a suhstitute-and when
ever the battle of Antietam is mentioned
yo' kin feel that did my hull dootyl Good
night, major!"
The major and sat there for long, long
time after that. but not word was spoken.
We did not even look at each other. We
did not know that each other lived. By
and by, when was wishing that was at
rest in the cold, damp grave, the major
whisperingIy observed that he had an ap-
poiutment to see a man about mule and
rose up and glided away-g glided out into
the quiet night, and never saw him again
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
An American Fable.

One day as the fox was passing through
the forest he espied hare, which at once
and with great speed disappeared into her
burrow. Assuming smiling expression
to hide the chagrin he felt. Reynard ap-
preached and said:
Ny dear madam, perhaps you have not
heard the latest news? / have made a pub
lie declaration of my intention to reform
and lead different life. +"
And that's exactly why was in such "a
hurry to get out of your way" replied the
hare.
Please explain. This lack of confidence
on your part hurts my feelings"
why, sir, in your character of fox
could always outrun you and find safety,
but as q reformer you have got dozen
new tricks which | am not onto and won't
feel safe till learn"
But, my dear madam, persisted the fox,
if you will but come out here and talk the
matter over am sure we shall arrive at a
satisfactory understanding | used to be
very fond of hare. but my reformation is
complete"
By the use of cajolery and argument the
hare was induced to leave her burrow, and
she was scarcely out when the fox seized
her
How nowi'' she shrieked. You solemn
1y assured me that you had lost your taste
for harel''
Just SO, my innocent minded and long
legged friend, replied the fox as he made
ready for dinner While it is true that
have lost my taste for hare | continue to be
ravenously fond of rabbit"
MORAL.
The reformed burglar simply enters the
house by some other door, NJ. QUAD.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29

old and had never bin sick day in her life
Trubble with her was she was sot in her
ways. If she got an idea into her head, it
wasn't no use to argy. Shed stick to it If
it killed herr
What was the cause of her death?n
"Bein SO blamed sot. One day she got
the idea that she must hev some coon meat
We had bacon and bar meat in the house,
and | offered to git fresh pork, but she'd
said coon, and coon she was bound to hev
or bust talked and talked, but she final
: iy turned On me with
6 Reuben, my mouth waters fur coon,
and il thar's S airy one on these yere Cumber-
land mountaings I'm goin TO hev him befo'
sleep
''She took the ak and started off lowed
she'd be home by night. but she didn't
come. I waited till noon next day and
then sot out. | knowed about whar she
had headed fur, but it was clus upon sun
down when found her. She had started
a coon and driv him up tree and then
chopped the tree down.
And got caught as it fell?"
Exactly. a big limb had struck her,
and she was shore enough dead Lay right
thar pinned to the ground, and she had a
bewtiful smile on her face. The coon had
started to come down and was cotched and
killed at the same time, and the carcass
wasn't 10 feet away. That's what Mary
was smilin at-she'd got the coon and was
thinkin how blamed mean I'd feel when
she toted it home"
It was sad. said after pause
$50 twas" he sighed. .but I've got one
eonsolahsun- She's right up thar in heav-
en-, and, drat her onery hide, she's got to
live on the same fodder that the rest of tho
angels do and quit sloshin around arter
coon or possum"
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
A GooDBY.
She Wanted Half Minute, Took Nj.
and Missed the Train.

s,o xva., ~.
: 20. -, : - - : o''
$50 -.
nc asls she lroela anu hausiaty suara
ene raiaWa5 ". gate, ana thes We're tWo iaais
VINO no alsmkea 70 pe separated very In'sch.
o'ios, ~, saiu eiie QUE Nieh saie s'aais,.
eiis g 'oA e1's.a u = ~
49, .nsss,lls, ss,il.s .,...,
fooops, Fepiled the one VINO haa n.
iusgslgs. ~
ise sure "a ana tell mother gooapy Tor me.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29

on us. We found the cause of commotion
to be three mule outfit in charge of a
stranger. He was an editor, and he had
come 200 miles to establish the Strawberry
Hill Gazette among US. The mules were
loaded with the necessary material, but
big Jim Williams, who was town marshal
that day, had said to the man:
stranger, don't you do no unloadin till
you hear what the boys hev to say. I'll
toot the horn and run 'em in, and well
argy the matter"
The case was soon understood by all
There was even more excitement than If
score of Indian warriors had made their
appearance on the other side of the creek
A mass meeting was instantly organized,
with Judge Watkins in the chair, and | re-
member how pale faced and anxious the
judge looked as he rose up TO lead off with:
Fellow citizens, a critter has come among
US to yuzurp our liberties. Shall he be per-
mitted to yuzurp? Are we goin to stand
shoulder TO shoulder in defense of them are
rights guaranteed by the sacred constitu-
shun of Bunker Hill, or are we goin to be trod
into the airth by the foot of the tyrant2"
Two hundred men yelled for liberty or
death-mostly liberty. Then old man Green
got up and followed the judge with:
1t was noosepaper which driy me outer
Indiana by lyin about me- 1t said had
four wives, when hadn't but three. My
happy, peaceful life was wrecked by jest
sich a critter as stands before us and is
waitin to wreck other lives If he are al
lowed to start a noosepaper here, harmony
will end and reign of terror be inaugu-
rated--brother will turn ag'in brother, and
fathers will so around cuttin the threats
of beloved sous. Better a thousand heather
Chinese, each one with the smallpox, than
one noosepaperP'
More yells for liberty or death, and then
Squar Joslyn was lifted upon the barrel
and began:
"Whar the noosepaper is thar you will
find criinei A noosepaper broke up my
family. A noosepaper sent me to Jail. A
noosepaper driv me to steal a yoke Of oxen.
Newspapers have taken away our liberties
and made slaves of Us. 1t hain't been over
half an hour since this fellow arrived here,
and yit find myself longin to wade in Bill
Jackson's gore The ink will skassly be
dry on the fust issue of this noosepaper be-
fore we'll be lyin and stealth and shootin
and actin like a pack of sarages. Be ye
men or be ye slayesIh
When the cheerin had subsided, Uncle
Billy Taylor was called on and said:
"A noosepaper will be follered by
skulehouse, and a skulehouse by livery
stable, and afore we know it the wave of
cisilizashun will hey rolled over us, and
whar will we be? We owe it to ourselves
and fucher generashuns to nip this i'm
pendin calamity in the bud move that
she be nipped. haint no orator, but I've
got feelin's, and them feelin's warns me to
cry out at the top of my voice agin this
proposed iniquityp
The editor wanted to get up and say
in reply, but the case was
closed. Every man could shut his eyes and
call up picture of bloodshed and desolar
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Getting Her Started.

Patti was to sing on a certain date at Blu
charest, but at the last moment she de
clined to leave Vienna It was too cold
snow everywhere. Shewould not risk catch
ing her death of cold n schurman, LIN
impresario. was in despair until bril-
liant inspiration came to him Quickly hs
telegraphed to his advance agent in thu
Roumanian capital: AT whatever cost
Patti must receive an ovation at Buchares,
station from the Italian aristocracy. Send
me by return the following wire: The
members of the Italian aEd RouInanian no
bility are preparing to give Mime Patti d
magnificent reception. The ministry will
be represented. Professions, torches and
bands. Telegraph the hour of arrival .
The advance agent carried out this instruc
tion, and when the telegram dictated te
him over the wires arrived in Vienna itwas
handed to Patti with the desired effect
How charming!o sue murmured What
time do we start s"-Argonaut
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
An Error Rectifed.

Fortune Teller examining Teacaddy's
hand1-It's no use pretending you will live
TO be an old man. Your line of life shows
you will die before you are 40. You will be
very successful, etc. PIRATES glibly for five
minutes.) And now as to wedding. You
will get married ia your thirty fifth yea,
and have Is children
Teacaddy-How the deuce can that hap
pens You said just now l should not livs
to be 40l
Fortune Teller tseeing he has put his foot
in it1-Ah, yes, so did, and-ahenl-it'
very true. You -ahem-the fact sis--
ahem-that you will-um, um, ahem-wi1
marry widow with l3l--Pick Ne Up.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29

: -------l-. UUN-I 1UU DO No USI-UAUIS.
tion, and it was the unanimous verdict
that the outfit must move on. We allowed
him to turn his mules out to grass for two
hours, and he was given bite of some
thing to eat and when time was up 80 men
escorted him down the creek fer a mile and
a half, On parting with him Judge Wat
kins solemnly observed:
"Critter, let this incident sink deep into
your mind and turn you from the evil of
your ways. If you want to push them
nevis over the rocks and come back and
stake out claim, we'll all help you to be
an honest, decent man, but if you are de-
tarmined to persevere in your awful career
then may the Lord have mercy on your
soul, and we'll lynch you if you are ever
seen on this trail ag'in.n
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
MAKING UP HER MIND.
1t Didn't Take Her Long When That oues.
tion WAS Asked

tion Was Asked.
He was little slow about speaking. and
she decided to give him q little assistance,
It was sunshiny Gay, and she sat OH a
bench in Lincoln park furtiyeIy scanning
the roadway; at last she started and opening
her book began to read in the most absorbed
fashion. She. had seen him coming. He
approached with IA air of elaborate uneon-
cern, twirling his cane and whistling After
the Ball"
why, Miss Daisy, is this you?s'
ssWhy, Mr. Barnaeie, who would ever
have thought of seeing you here?',
''Well, thought it was such lovely
afternoon for a walk. y
$50 did I; besides"
Besides what?n
'sOh, nothing. It only concerning my
self, not worth mentioning. How is Al
iee?n
Anything concerning you is worth men
tioning, Miss Daisy. AS for Miss Alice,
really haven't seen her for an age
Il am sorry the time seems so long. Per
haps you want to go to see her now-if SO,
pray don't let me detain you.
She drove her parasol into the ground
with a vim which frightened away couple
discussing the scarcity and poor quality of
worms.
81 hadn't intended to go, but ii am in
truding / will. y
..Oh, Mr.. Barnaele. didn't mean thatn'
Besides | am sure Miss Alice doesn't
want to see me. y
I'm sure don't know why a girl with
as many freesles as that''-she gave her
L i Il, 81, -.
hat in motion
And | only came here this afternoon
because I hoped | might happen to meet
you as ! did yesterday" He tenderly
brushed spider from her dress as espoke
Il came out this afternoon because
Because you thought you might
Nothing Of the kind, assure you, Mr.
Barnac1a II haslas t the slightest idea of
meeting you. only came BECAUSE
Perhaps you expected to meet some one
else then, and p
The tears came into her eyes. Il see you
are determined to quarrel" ]" she said stif1ly
81 was only going to say that came out
this afternoon because''
Because what, Miss Daisys"
tBecause-why, / thought men were nev
er curious, Mr. Barnacles''
Il am not at all curious, Miss Daisy, but
I forgive you the imputation-I could for
give you anything"
s'Oh, Mr. Barnacle! Of course you are
not curious, was only joking. Well, /
came out this afternoon because--oh, dear
can never tell you"
But you must tell me, Miss Daisy, else
shall think that it was because you ex-
pected to meet somebody else
well, then, If Imust tell, it was because
Mr. Coldcash was coming this afternoon to
ask newell, a question, and | hadn't
made up my mind how to answer him. 2
There was silence in which her eyes
drooped and the colors in his trousers spoke
Then he said in a firm voice:
Il, too. have question to ask you. Miss
Daisy"
The sparrows did their marketing un-
needed at their feet, and her book lay with
crumpled leaves in the roadway.
Half an hour later a park policeman loi
tering by smiled broadly as he looked at
them.
She had evidently made up her mind
Chicago Tribune.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Showed Himself a Leader.

The inhabitants of a certain Florida town
are mostly engaged in wrecking and man
age TO support themselves very comfortably
from the proceeds Sunday services at the
frame church are always well attended.
One Sunday recently the church was
crowded with worshipers. The minister
was at thirdly when q man rushed to the
door and yelled sWreckT'' There was inn
mediately a tremendous scramble. The
minister called Haiti" at the top of his
lungs. and as the congregation paused was
seen to glide down from the pulpit, and
saying, Lets ali have fair start he
rushed down the aisle and was the first one
out.-Harper's Bazaar.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29

Miss Pinkerly {at the Worlds fair)-Ah.
Mr.. Tutter, this is delightful pleasurel
How long do you expect to remain in Chi
cago?
Young Tutter-I am making preparations
to leave tomorrow
Miss Pinkerly-- unfortunatel / ex-
pect to be here three weeks before going
back. was in hopes that might see some
thing of you while here and possibly that
we might go on to New York together.
Young Tutter (sadly)- From present in
dications. Miss Clara, we shall probably
both arrive there about the same time
Truth
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Presence of Mind.

A young woman was recently introduced
to Mrs. Croly as "sister of So-and-so, the
artist" Instantly the exclamation fol-
lowed: II should have known the relation
ship. my dear, By the resemblance Why,
it is positively startling. never saw two
faces more exactly alike in contour and''-
"But, Mrs. Croly." interrupted the girl in
a meek. small voice, Il am only his sister
in-law." Which makes it all the more re-
markable," continued the other without
the least embarrassment or hesitation
New York Times
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
AriN Note.

I.ady-All your marine pictures represent
the sea as being calm. Why don't you
paint storm once in awhile?
Artist-We painters in oil can't paint a
storm. have often outlined storm OH
the canvas. but as soon as begin to spread
the oil colers the waves subside, and the
sea becomes as calm as duck pond
Lady-Yes, I've read about the wonder
ful effect oil has in calming the waves, but
/ had no idea it was as effective as all that
Texas Siftings.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
A pxisonef,s Gratitude.

Counsel for the defense had pleaded with
such earnest and pathetic eloquence on be-
half of his client, who stood charged with
robbery, that the audience was moved to
tears and the prisoner himself was mop
ping his eyes with a wipe" of fowered
TX. At that moment the barrister, hap
pening to glance In his direction, suddenly
stopped in his speech and exclaimed:
why, the rascal is using my pocket
handkerchief!'-F -Fliegende Blatter
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
HE IS UP ON SOCIETY.
THE EDlToP OF THE ARIZONA KICKER
is NO SLOUGH.
When 1t Comes TO Etiquette. No One Else
Can Travel With Him-The Bad Break
That Mrs. de Verde Made Upon a Re-
cent Occasion
iCopyrighi. 1893, by Charles B. Lewis.l

Copyright. 1898, by Charles B. Lewisl
ABOUT SssUBs.- When we established THE
KICKER, we were lonesome looking man
We were dead broke for cash, hard up for
clothes and we made no pretense as to
grammar, poetry or oratory, but in estab
fishing the paper we also determined to es-
tablish ourseif in society In fact, we de-
termined to lead it. The people rebeiled at
the innovation, but we persisted 1t grad
uaily dawned upon the populace inhabiting
this plateau that we knew the difference
between standing up to dish of fried ba-
con and sitting down to six course dinner,
and they crowded back to give US room.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Information Wanted.

On the Worlds fair grounds the other
day tall woman with steel trimmed
glasses went up to the general informa
ton woman and asked, rs this where
you tell people what they want to knows"
.aYes, ma'amn We'll, I've been looking
for them lagoons I've heard SO much about.
Can you tell me what building they are
ins''-New York Tribune.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
An Ebiinc Tone.

Maude-Oh, Charley fsobs), I'm afraid
you don't love me any longerl
Charley-Good gracious, my love. What
has put that into your head2
Maude-Because, dear, before we were
engaged it used to take you two hours to
say goodby, but now it only takes you ID
minutes-Tit-Bits
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
A woman Who Was 4sot."

After supper the old moantaineer lighted
the cigar gave him and sat down on the
doorstep and said:
es. stranger, lost my woman over
two years ago, and that gal has been keepin
house ever sinee. Mighty nigh broke me
mp when the old wonan went z
Was she sick long, asked.
Not b blamed miHiti She was 30 years
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Great Progress.

On the frst day of small Deans attend.
anee at school he came home in highly
iubilant state of mind.
''Oh, manmaT' he cried in excited and
exultant tones, what do you think! I've
only been TO school one day, and I'ye learn
ed TO say 'eyether and neyether' instead Of
either and neither. New York Trib.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
He Knew His Business.

It was in moment of Observation-Disclosures
even the best Of us will be off our guard
semetimes-and he had been engaged to
some II girls. She eaned her head upon
his shoulder, and looking into his eye said:
How do you know that you love me,
dearests''
He replied, with s faraway look in his
eyes, well, guess know my business. y
Star Sayings.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
EnYious.

81 wish / was frog said the tramp
So that you could loaf on a lilypadsa
asked his companion.
mo. But / haven't any cash this morn
ing, and frog always has a greenhack
about him. -Harper's Bazar.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Wanted to Celebrate.

Hungry Higgins Have You got any nice
cold cake for a poor man that hasn't had a
bite to eat in three days2
Mrs. Wiekwire Why, isn't bread good
enough for your
Hungry Higgins This is my birthday.
naalfn. - indianapolis Journal
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Just the Thing.

Mrs. Flathunter-Bu the rooms are Sc
dreadfully SMALL Really they are only
closets.
Landlord-Ah, but then, you know,
there's nothing like having plenty of clos.
cts in house Boston Transcript.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Interest.

Wool have been living for month at
cost Of cents day.
Van Pelt-That all it cost your
Wool-Oh, no. paid $50 week. Eight
cents day was what it cost my landlady
Truth
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
TIE Smoked 1T.

sWhat did you do with that cigar gave
yous"
Il gave it to Jones'"
Did he smoke its''
oh, yes. didn't tell him you gave it
to me- brooklyn Life
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Left.

swayback ito importunate beggarl-
Leave the house, sirl
Beggar-C Certainly. / would not think
of carrying it off with the heavy mortgage
it has on it.--Tit-Bits
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
The Eight Sort.
I offer you a cigars

A.-May offer you eigar2
B.-No, thanks. smoke very seldom
A.-Then help yourself With this par
ticular brand you will break off the habit
ltogether.-Lustige Blatter.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Cheap on Account Of Removal.

As am about to move my millinery es-
tablishment to my new store on my own
lot on Union street, near the Episcopal
church. and wish at the same time TO lay
in new stock, | offer the stock now on
hand, at cost, to save expense of removal,
ii taken at once before removal. Come at
once, as this offer will not stand long,
my2 I'm MRS. u LAAS
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
FiIiaI Respect.

The Mother-Tenth ii your classi Why
aiways used to be first in mine.
The Daughter But, mother, my school
mates are not nearly SO stupid as yours. :
Truth.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
DIscouRAelNG A NEWSPAPER.

An Impending Calamity That Threatened
strawberry Hills Peace.
One afternoon at Strawberry Hill the
horn was blown vigorously, and every
miner dropped his tools and made rush
fer fhe piazza, as was the programme
agreed upon in case of an Indian attack or
II q drove of Chinese attempted TO turn III
Subscription s1Is year. III Advance.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29

ToR SALE Ar 50 PER ACRE
IL Large Tracts of Land TRAFERSED
BY THE TEXAS AND PACIFIC RAIL
ROAD, in the parish of st. Landry, between
Melville and Palmetto stations. These
heavily timbered with valuable cypress
and ash timber Apply 10 the undersigned
at 0pelousas, La. TH0S. I'll. LEWIS.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29
Collection Agency.
BEN BLOOMFIELD,

BEN BLOOMFIELD,
Manager, United States Commissioner, and
Notary Public, 0pelousas, La.
Accounts, Bills, Notes, Drafts, and other
evidences of debt collected promptly, in
the parishes of Acadia and st. Landry.
Charges moderate No collection, no COM
missions expected. Business solicited
mch4 ct
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1893-07-29

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