The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1893-12-24


ones, too. She's only got one pair of legs,
which prevents her from walking easy,
but she IS as strong and healthy as they
make EN-, and there amt the least dan
ger that she'n die on your hands,
Then he spoke some gibberish, which
! supposed was Laplandish, to the girl,
and she drew up the hem of her dress so
as to show two nice little feet, and no
more. Those feet ought TO have awak-
ened my suspicion, for they were the
regulation Boston size But ] was so
anxious to find that she was genuine that
didn't notice that there was anything
wrong about her feet.
" What do you say} said the agent
Isn't she tirst-class attraction
She'll draw safe enough said l,
provided she's genuine. | don't mean to
say she amt, but I've have got to be
sure about it before we can do any bust
ness
"'Oh! It's easy enough to prove that
she IS genuine says the fellow. I've got
certificates from three of the leading
physicians in Lapland, besides the affi-
davit of her father and mother aud the
parish priest. II they don't satisfy YOU
nothing will, and l shall have to take her
10 another manager
SHOW me the certificates said |.
We'll, he produced them on the spot
and they seemed all right OF course |
couldn't read a word of them, but they
had lot of cealing wax on them, which
is always convincing, and had genuine
official look. | wanted the girl so bad
that, perhaps, it led me to be a little
careless for once in my life; so l said to
the agent that | would give
him S25 a week and sign a contract
with him for year. We argued the mat
ter for about an hour, and finally we
came TO an agreement on the basis of S75
week and three benefits year 1t was
the steepest price | ever paid, but | was
losing money at the rate of $50 week,
and was ready to take almost any chance
of bringing up the business again. Be
sides, ] knew that if the Two-Headed
Girl didn't draw should be ruined any
how, and it didn't matter what | might
agree to pay, as there would be no money
to pay it with. Whereas, if she did
draw, as l expected she would, | could
easily afford to pay S5 week for her. ]
always did go on the principle of dealing
literally with people, especially when it
is clear that there is nothing to be lost by
it,
"While the agent and | were trying to
get the best of one another the Two
Headed Girl sat with some of her arms
around both her necks, and was that pa
tient and sweet tempered in appearance
that | began to hope that for once had
found a freak that wouldn't be perpet-
ually quarreling. / have told you, pre-
sumo, freaks do nothing put quarrel and
fall in love. | don't wonder at their quar-
reling, seeing that they are shut up to-
gether day and night, and haven't any
thing else to do; but it was long time
before l found out why they are con
stantly falling in love. 1t is because they
don't get any exercise except, now and
then a drive in a closed carriage
you never heard of a trapeze per-
former or a strong man falling IN love;
that's because they work off their affec-
tions on their muscles. On the other
hand, fat woman, who never gets any ex-
ercise at all, is always in love, and gener-
ally two or three deep. Naturally, the
more freaks fall in love, the more they
quarrel and there is hardly a day / don't
have to smooth two or three of them
down, or threaten to lock them up till
they quit heaving candlesticks and Ian
guage at one another.
'Well, l advertised my TwO-Headed
Girl the next day, and when night came
the house was packed, Ralph Waldo
Emerson himself couldn't have drawn
better. The very best classes of Boston
society came to see the Two Headed Girl,
and more women with more spectacles
and more false teeth came into the show
than had ever seen before in my whole
professional experience.
There wasn't the least doubt about
the success of the Two-Headed Girl. In
the very first week | took in $3.50 more
than had ever taken in in one week in
my life before. The museum was crowded
day and night, and every mother in Bos-
ton brought her children and told them
that the Two-Headed Girl taught some
great moral lesson, and that they ought
to initiate her or avoid initiating her or
some other rubbish of that general kind.
| never pretend to understand such
things myself. / don't associate with
freaks to learn moral lessons from them.
When I want moral lessons I'll go to
Sunday school and get 'em, instead of
lowering myself to ask freaks to give me
lessons.
The Two-Headed Girl, as have said in
the beginning, was Laplander, and
couldn't speak anything but Laplandish.
She had been with me about a month
when l was astonished, one night after
the exhibition had closed, and the freaks
had sat down to their usual banquet of
pickles and cider, to hear one of her
heads say 10 the other:
You say that again, miss, and I'll
tear your eyes OUT
'Halloan says |, thought neither Of
you could speak any Engish2'
THE girl blushed a double blush on all
four cheeks, and said: "We've learned
considerable since we came 10 America,
but we never try to speak English be-
cause it amt professionalism in our
case, at any rate
THAT'S all right" said l. Speak
what you like, only remember that don't
allow no quarreling among my people,
The next day / made inquiries about
the Two-Headed Girl, and found out that
both of her were in love with the same
young man. He came to the show every
day, and always brought both of her
flowers found out afterwards that he
was a philosopher, and was studying what
he called The Psychological Character of
Female Dual Consciousness as Exemplified
in the TwO-Headed Girl of Lapland' l
remember this because he wrote an article
in the Atlantic Monthly with that title,
which would have been a first-class ad-
vertisement of the Girl If she
hadn't happened to have retired to
private life when the article was pub
lished He was a rather good looking
yonng fellow, and both the heads of the
Girl considered that he was in love with
them. Mary, which is what we used to
call the right hand head, was sure that
the young man was after her, and only
gave flowers to Jane, who was the left
hand head, in order not to give away the
real state of his affections to the general
public; while Jane was equally certain
that it was she the young man was in
love with, and that he considered the
other head to be very much in the way
ssThe Fat Woman who sat rloca IN tho