Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1893-11-09
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
by Eminent Word Artists Of Our Own Day
"A Budget of Fun.
Sprinkles of Spice,

UNCLE SAM (to the boomers): '"That
settles it. "-Galveston News.
THE shotgun should meet the rob-
| Der who attempts to rife pockets
Picayune.
A MAN on pleasure bent may have
acquired shoulder stoop from bicy-
Gle riding.
Iris the telescope which lens en-
chantment to the distant view
Lowell Courier
AFTER all, why should a young
man be always pursuing his studies.
Plain Dealer
THE bald-headed man can tell us
all about "parts" unknown
Falls Republican.
WHEN it comes to jealousy and
Growing, man is about as bad as
rooster.-Dallas News.
TEACHER-"Defne memory" Dull
Boy-"lt's what we always has till
we come to speak a piece. Good
News.
FIRST Tw1N-"Well, what do you
think Of this world, anyway?" Sec
ond Twin-"Pretty rocky. "-Roches-
ter Democrat.
MOST of the wrong deeds charged
against a man are those he COM
mitted trying to get his rights
Atchison Globe.
The poet who found "books in the
running brooks" certainly had no rea-
son to complain of dry literature. =
Washington Star.
SOME dentist seem to think it
necessary to have snowy sign in
order to have strong pull with the
public. Newport News.
NEW CONGREsSMAN-"Is Senator
Silverstate man Of his word?" Fifth
Termer-"We not quite as bad as
that. Detroit Tribune.
CARRUTHERs-Wh did you hold
when you called Brobson, and he
showed down four aces? Waite-I?
Oh!-er-I held my breath.-Puck.
AND now with gas bills coming in
That fill up many pages.
We wish within our inmost heart
| We'd lived in the dark ages.
-Chicag o Inter Ocean.
"DID you ever go to Bins, the
tailor?" Eyes Got tw, suits from
him. One dress suit. One lawsuit.
Very expensive Home Jour
nal.
LITTLE ALICE-"What is boor,
mammal" Cynical Mamma-"A
boor, dear. is MN who has never
been taught to lie Detroit Trib-
| une.
ToMMY-Paw, what makes the
stars so bright? Mr.. Figg-Oh,
these astronomers are securing the
| heavens all the time.-Indianap
Journal.
IT will go hard in the next world
with the newspaper space writer if
he has to give account for every idle
word uttered while on earth. Boston
Transcript.
MAMMA-Now, Teddy, we must all
try and give up something while
times are so hard. Teddy--Im will
| ing Mamma-What will it be, dear?
Teddy-Soap.--Inter Ocean.
"BIFFINs appears to have taken
| rather obscure place in the commu-
nifty" "Obscure? Well, should say
So Why, nobody even brings him
petition to sign. Washington Star.
OLD ToMK1Ns-I hear, you lucky
dog, you've come into more money
again, according to your wont. Young
Jackson-Yo, you're wrong. It's &C
co:ding to my uncle's will.-Funny
Folks.
LES frances. -She-"And are you
sure you will like married life as well
as you do your club" He-"Oh,
yes" Shetland are you SO awfully
| fond of your club?" He-"Not very"
-Life's Calendar.
THE EARNEST YOUTH. thank
you, sir, for your kind permission to
call on your daughte ?" "Remem Der
that | turn out the gas at 10 O'Clock. :"
"All right sir: I'll not come befor.
that time. Life.
FIRST FRENCH STATEsMAN-Wha
is the secret of the fine health you
have at your advanced age2 Sc ond
French Statesman-Sst 1t is indeed
| a secret. | have fOu hit duel eyt ry
month for the last twenty years.
Chicago RecoId.
CLARENCE-"The little kangaroos
must be very unhappy, mamma"
Mamma-"Why do you think SO.
arence?" Clarence why, because
they have pockets, but no tops or
iack-knives to put in them. "-Har-
pers Young People.
Two LITTLE maids were talking
about Santa Claus. "He's splendid
candy maker" said one. "Isn't he
said the other. "Why, last Christ
mas his taffy was so like that my
mother makes that / couldn't tell
,en apart. "-Harper's Bazaar.