The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-01-24
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49, RaEEnEA
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The Major and the McGrew
NUMBER FIFTEEN.

Everybody knows Major Donlln with q
war record as big as himself and heart as
warm as the best bowl of punch he ever
brewed on a cold winters night The
major has great friend in the person Of
Felix McGrew, wit and raconteur.
During the recent cold snap his friend,
who now lives in the country, paid him
! visit and announced his intention OF putting
in a couple of days with him.
The major was delighted. and insisted
upon Felix extending his visit to couple OF
weeks.
Felix said maybe be would and the gallant
major was happy.
Two DAYS later he was miserable.
The major has large. roomy suite OF
apartments, and his bedroom could easily
hold a dozen. Two downy ami comfortable
beds OTnamented the chamber The major
occupied one and his friend Felix held
down the other. Before the second night
the major concluded that his friend occu-
pied both.
For Felix was a suorer from Sonora. and
he laughed in his sleep.
The major couldn't sleep at all. and he
began to lose flesh.
On the second night lie had to get up and
walk the streets. In his wanderings he
met a lawyer and TO him he eonfided his
troubles.
why" exclaimed the attorney, don't
you know how TO remedy thai?"
Faith. don't said the major. brighten
ing bit. DO you?'
''Simplest thing in the world. Get bottle
of beer"
"Yes?" said the major.
mot one of these bottles with the wire
stOpple attachment. but one with a cork
in H."
"Cnt hole through on each side"
"Ah, ha."
Then every time you hear your friend
snore 60 over to him quietly and trickle
little down his throat"
Yes. yes"
"Of course he will be yet lying on his
back with lis mouth open and il Will be no
trick at all to work the job on him.
''0f course not. Of course not"
You can break him of the habit in
night"
The major pressed the lawyers hand
warmly and said that he would fix his
| friend the next night. OF course, the law
yer saw Felix the following day and ex-
| planned things TO him.
About O'Clock in the evening Felix
feiened WEAKNESS, and, greatly TO tie
! majors delight, said he was going 10 bed.
Half an hour later the gallant hero softly
turned the door knob and crept cautiously
into the bedroom.
The sBore that greeted him sounded like
the explosion of safe right next to him.
''Ohp hoarsely murmured the major.
The plot began to thicken.
The prepared bottle of beer was easily
found, and Donlin approached the sleeper
on tiptoe.
The beer went triekling down the throat
Of the recum bent, McGrew, and, prestoi
change. The snoring ceased as if by magic.
My. my; that's wonderful" Quoth the
major, and he blessed the lawyer who had
put him on"
He laid down the bottle and took off his
coat, huggiDg himself the while in the
dream Of the delicious sleep lie was going
to have. He got his vest halfway off and
a snore came FROM the bed that made his
teeth rattle.
Hastily grabbing the beer bottle he again
resorted to tie triekling act, with the same
happy result as before. The major smiled
with satisfaction.
Then he pulled off his boots, and as the
last one fell WIN thud the sleeper snored
again.
Quickly he moved about in his stocking
feet and got the precious bottle and down
the thirsty throat Of the snoring MeGrew
went some OF the contents.
A smile 0verspTead the features If Felix
MeGrew, and the major he smiled to0.
''Thatll fix him, guess" lie said. and he
loosened his tie and removed his collar.
He glanced at the Tecumbent form OF
McGrew; and sure that he had settled his
friend This time started TO diveSt himself IF
his shirt he got the garment hall way OF
when sound like cannon was heard from
the bed that stopped the clock aud turned
the majors picture TO the wall. The shirt
stuck and be could get il neither on nor off.
and the snoring went on at q rate which
made the tenant OF the room fearful Of an
advance Of the rent. Finally the rebellious
shirt was shed. and again was the snore
drowned in beer.
1t began to look as II the beer would give
out before the snoring would; and besides
It was getting very chilly In the big apart
ment DOnlin succeeded in separating him.
self and his trousers, when the anti-snoriDg
preparation was again called into reQuisi-
tien.
8 The major began TO shiver. just as he
was about to put cut the light the worst
snoTe Of all sounded through the apartment
The last drop of beer went in this su-
preme effort. and an unearthly silence per-
vaded the room.
With goosefiesb and ehattering teeth the
genial host clambered into bed aud pulled
the blankets UP over him. For moment
all was quiet, then voice broke the still
ness.
SIS the beer all gone, major?"
II was McGrew who spoke. ard the ma
jor is still looking for the man who put
him on"