Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1893-09-22
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

It is thyme that makes the old man
cage.
Well done-The farmer who falls IN
with bunko men. Philadelphia Call.
The quickest way of smoothing rough
characters is to iron them. Texas
Siftings.
Many fond parent does not get to
sleep until after the baTl is over. -
Boston Globe.
Even when the acrobat is bending
! the crab on the front lawn he If, iigura-
lively speaking, on the back stoop.-
Detroit Free Press.
Geography Teacher-"Tommy how
is the earth divided?" Tommy--"Er,
not ut all cause everybody most wants
it all. Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Smiths business is going along like
clockwork "Pooh, his place is III
the hands of receiver" That's it,
being wound up. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Dinkle-"Funny thing about Not
rich and his new piano" Dankle-
els, eh?" Dinkle--"Yes; plays it 10y
ear and pays for it by note. buffalo
Courier.
Arrival--"Can I put up at this
house?" Clerk-'T suppose so. Got
any baggage?" Arrivnl-"No." Clerk
How much do you want to put up?"
Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Jones-'Is your wife at home,
Mr.. Wilbur" Wilbur--"Notcc certain,
but if you'll hold that screen door
open half minute you'll hear from
her. cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Consolation of Matrimony: She
81 suppose you would have been
happier if you had not married me?'
He-"Yes, darling, but | wouldn't
have known it "--Life's Calendar.
Prisoner -"But l would rather tell
my own story. Don't You think IT
would be believed?" Lawyer
that's the trouble 1t would carry
conviction with it. Harlem Life.
"You seem to like the Colonel,
Uncle Mose?" "Yes, sab; he's 50
gentlemanly, sab !" "Gentlemanly, III
what way?" "With his money, sab,
with his money. Buffalo Courier.
Tenor-"Sir, this music is trihc
too high for me" Manager Let II,
take it note lower" Tenor--"Oh
half note would do" Manager
(solemnly) Here, sir, we never do
things by halves l"--TitBi
Mr.. Bsldboy lsmiling kindly "The
waves are using You rudely. viii You
permit me to assist Won to the shorr?'
Miss Waterly- Never mind, thank
you. The waves may he rude, but
they are not fresh. '-Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Spiker lin search of boarding.
house There is no limit to the dict, |
l presume, madam" Boarding-houec
Keeper proudly)--"No limit, sir.
During the last year five of my
boarders died from oyer-catiuy. -
Tit-Bits.
"Mr. Meteman," said the young
wife with great severity to her butch /.
er, "those last eggs You sent me were
all spoiled, and unless you change |
your old hens for new ones | shall he .
obliged to trade somewhere else. -
Chicago Record.
Random Observer Pardon me,
but what are you putting down in
your note book?" Worlds Fair Visit
or--"Oh, I'm just putting down the
things that have made an indcliblc inn
preston upon my memory SO that [
won't forget them. Chicago Record.
Freshleigh Ito stranger at reccp-
ton --"Gad, this is funny house
l came here tonight without mn invita-
ton" Stranger--"So did |. How
did you come here?" Frcshlcigh -
Gust walked in. How did you come
here" Stranger--"Just walked in.
It's my house. Vogue.
He was small man, the conductor
of an electric car, and she was large,
powerful looking woman. ~ want
you to put me off at Concord street."
she said. He viewed her majestic fig
ure for moment, and replied: "Mad-
am, l will stop the car and let you get
of. New York Press.
81 suppose the panic hasn't struck
you yet, Mr.. Gotrox?" at hash t,
eh? Here I've got more'n $40, 600
that | can't get people to borrow at
all afraid to go into bust
ness any deeper. If these times keeps
up little longer I'll land in the poor
house in six months. "-Indianapolis
Journal.
A Judge, in crossing the Irish Chan
1el one stormy night, knocked against
well-known witty lawyer who was
terribly from seasickness.
Can l do anything for you?" said
he Judge. eyes" gasped the seasick
awyer, 81 wish your lordship would
'verrule this motion. White Noun :
alneer.
Chollie-'I hate to say anything i'll
II dead man, but the doosid lawyers
Who have been looking over Upper
on's papers have bwought to light
Kings that showed him to be no gen.
lemen." Chappie-"Haw! What did
hey find" Chollie-"Evwy time he
oaned any money to any of the men
n the club he made a memorandum
# 1T. "-lndianapolis journal.
Graceful WALKING