The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1893-01-01
..Jack,s,, Raid After Bachelors.

"Salt Lake Bachelors,' was the sub
ject given me upon which to ply my
fiimsy quill. So taking my pencil and
note book | started out in search of game.
During the first hall hour of my search
not a bachelor came within range of my
eagle optics, when, as | turned the COR
ner of South Temple and Main streets, a
smothered groan fell on my hearing, and
turning 1 beheld "Troubles,'' some
times called a. e. Nichols, seated on a
diminutive grave stone and kicking be-
cause he could not scale up the polished
sides of q fitteen-foo monument which
stood close by. His head was buried in
his hands and from between his fingures
great beads of perspiration oozed and fell,
while, with chattering teeth he sobbed:
''For forty long years we striven against
the willy ways of women. JusG forty
times I've popped that momentous ques-
ton, and just forty times have been re-
fused. Look at this heart of mine-I
looked and saw nothing perforated until
it resembles an ore sieve, and tell me, is
there maid of thirty five sweet summers
who Will ill up these perforations?"
as he said this, ne raised his streaming
eyes to the star besprinkled heavens and
moaned aloud: f'Twss more than [
could bear" I bowed my head and
passed on.
A half block farther on, met j a.
Williams, one Of the susceptible kind of
men, for whom every new and attractive
face has an irresistible fascination. In the
past six months he has been desperately
in love with exactly thirteen women, and
/ of every one OF the thirteen he has said:
ssIf she goes back on me- my life will be
ruined!''
n. B.-The thirteen have all gone back
on him and he still lives.
l had just parted from the Kentucky
boy when / met Harry Windsor. He is a
very domestic man and loves to toast his
shins before the open CRATE. He occupies
suite of rooms in the Wasatch block
and az one enters the door he is struck by
the gorgeous array of reds with which
the apartment is furnished. Arranged in
the most conspicuous place in the room,
is fine collection of photographs-thir
one in number and all of himself Al
though fl rt, he is not conceited, he
merely thinks that II. B. Windsor is a
mighty fine fellow.
Following where fancy led me saun-
tered into the Cullen Office.
From thence l toiled up a dark fight OF
stairs to room over Joslin q Parks,
which is the abode OF the greatest synic
in Salt Lake. TO his ''come!'' ] walked
into a room where 1t was plain to be seen,
the hand of woman has lefs no dainty
reminders. w. q. VanHorn-for he it
was-was lying IN bed wrapped up in
what he is pleased to call neuralgia of
| the heart.
AS entered he was writing, but as his
eyes met mine, he quickly hid the paper
under the pillow. When he was busy L
managed to withdraw the paper which
contained bitter stain on woman He
is confirmed bachelor, and nothing will
ever change his views, his verses showed
| that much. FASTING the scraps of paper
against my heart wendell my way down
the stairs and was once more searching
| for victims.
Dropping in the Manitou. met Nat
Brigham and his cousin Perry-a little
| lad of thirty live winters-coming from
dinner. Nat was scolding little Perry
and refused to walk down street with
| him until he would make a more even
part in his flowing locks.
| Leaving the Manitou, | started for the
Dooly block in quest of Colonel Merritt
But | was doomed to disappointment,
the colonel was behind bolted doors and
refused to become visible. This is his
usual mode of treatment when he has a
severe heart attack, and it is we'll known
fact among the boys that the colonel is
MORALLY afraid that some bewitching
adventures may lay siege to his frail
heart.
few minutes later found me climbing
the stairs to the bachelor apartments OF
J. P. Gardner and Harvey Bacon. They
are goodly couple and well mated. Both
sworn bachelors; they live together,
grumble and are deluded by the thought
that they are perfectly happy. Their
evenings at home are spent in
mending and darning. But on "Club',
night. when Jim gets home in the cur
tailed hours, Harvey lies awake and scolds
just to make things seem natural. In tact
they are sufficient unto themselves.