St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-08-06

VI RlA AAiC lNCt dliNl Tic Win lllSAi ufltIlIS
combine to cOmmingle d noise that even
the most discOrdant barnyard would be
ashamed of.
Managers Al LYMAN and William J.
Davis are entitled to much gratitude
from this community for their success
last fall during the strike of the orcheS-
ira OF the Columbia and Haymarket
theaters in being allowed to say what
musicians they should employ and what
they should not, and what selection
their musicians should play. Scratch"
this feature out OF next seasons doings
by all means.
The Big Theater Hat.
The third on the list that should be
scratched is the big theater hat, or
else some scheme should be put in prac-
tee whereby the WeaUer of such mani
moth headgear should be obliged to re
move such hat while a performance is
III progress. When man goes TO the
expense OF hiring a carriage, purchas-
ing number OF theater tickets for de-
sirable seats and other incidental eX-
penses and is Obliged TO sit all the even
ing gazing at great mass of black felt
and nOddlng ostrich feathers he Ger
tainly does not leave the theater at the
fall OF the mai curtain in the best
frame OF mind, or with many pleasant
memories OF Ills evenings entertain
ment.
What is more, it seems an incOntro-
vertabie circumstance that the woman
n no wears the big hat is usually in-
yinclble. The writer. III company with
a gentleman, one evening last winter
attended certain Chicago theater. and
found himself plahked squarely behind
two hats OF immense proportions. His
cot Of I'M Es,%
two acts OF the play, and then grew so
bold as to gently touch the offending
hat Wearer on the shoulder and say: II
trust you Will pardon me, madam. but 1t
Is impossible for me 10 see the slightest
thing on the stage, owing to the size OF
your hat. All other seats are occupied,
or we would exchange ours for seats in
some other part OF the theater. We are
entirely aC your mercy, and trust that
you Will favor US by removing your
hat"
why don't you go in the upper gal
leryp snapped the lnsulted female and
she jOunced and joSted her immense
feathered headgear during all the rest
Of the evening. 1t is hardly probable,
however, that a successful eXtraditiOn
OF the big theater hat can be made.
There IS but little hope that this head
gear will initiate the example Of FAC
cheus when he was up in the sycamore
tree. as mentioned in the New Tesla
ment. ZaccheuS came down when
asked to, but the tall hat-neYer.
The Late Conner.
Then there is the late conner, too,
who always occupies seat in the mid
die OF the row, and when he comes in
he walks all over your toes OF else
makes yourself and companions fold up
your seat and stand up while several
individuals behind you, whose view Of
the stage for the time has been Obliter-
ated, call down all kinds of epitheiS
upon your head. The late conner al
ways wears tie most gorgeous attire.
ana it takes him most unreasonable
time to get these Ornamentations off.
during which time he continues TO
stand. There ought to be a hole III the
floor under each seat through which
these late corners should be shot up
from the cellar in q sitting position III
the spot which their coupon calls tor,
or else they ought 10 be fOrclbiy re-
tarded in the foyer until the act cur
tain falls. Scratch" him, and scratch
him hard.
The Cramped Opera Chair.
Then there are the theater chairs that
garrOte in which The condemned man
takes q seat and has his spinal column
fractured. Also the boy who walks up
ana down the aisIes yelling opera
glasses or ice water as though the safety
of this republic depended upon his
speedy unloading: and the man who
ruStleS the immense theater pro-
gTammes just when you are straining
your ears to eaten a vital portion of
the dialogue of the play. Then the
fresh usher. whose chief aim seems TO
be to accommodate Iheater patrons as
little as possible when the manager is
not about. And the egOtstic actor
who continually endeavOrs to implant
the impression that the entire success
of the performance depends solely and
only upon him. These are a few of the
leading discrepancies that should be
given some attention by managers dur
Ing the coming season about to open.
More would be mentioned but for the
fear that rumOr might gain credulence
that this article was finding fault, and
incidentally, that the writer. WHO often
stays out until it gets dark. might be
Waylald ana bounced upon with pom
derOus hammer by some of those at
whom these truths have been aimed.