davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Herr A. Cat large party to
B, who had treated him disre-
spectfully)-''Sir, propose to lend
you for week book on manners
and customs of polite society,"
Herr B: "Very pleased, I'm
sure; but can you really spare it
that length Of timep"-Fliegende
Biaetter.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

themselves all that is noblest,
sweetest and best in the feminine
character. Sarah II. Henton, in
August Californian.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02
HU M PHI r EYS'

Ihis PRECIOUS OINTMENT is the
triumph Of Scientific Medicine.
Nothing has ever been produced to
equal or compare with it as a CURATIVE
and HEALING APPLICATION. 1t has been
used 40 years and always affords relief
and always gives satisfaction.
Cures PILES or HEMoRRHoIps External
or Internal, Blind or Bleeding-Itching and
Burning; Cracks or Fissures; Fistula in Ano;
Worms of the Rectum. The relief is imme.
Hiata-tbn rt,r~
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

The street paver isn't far wrong
in characterizing his work as be-
meath him. Buffalo Courier.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02
HUMOROUS.

The bearded fugitive from justice
often manages to escape by a close
shave. Troy Press.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

He-"Don't you think it wrong
for peopleto marry theirintellectual
interiors;" She--"Yes, always
wrong, and in some cases quite inn
possible. ."-Roseleaf.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Aunt-"Karl, you never come
to see me except when you want
money" Karl-"But, my dear
auntie, could / come oftener than
do?"-Fliegende Blatter.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Rich banker-I hope you appre-
ciate the fact that my daughter is a
noble, self-sacrifcing creature and
will make you an excellent wife,"
Prospective son-in-law 81 do,
sir, and ] assume that she inherited
those very desirable qualities from
her esteemed father" ."--Fliegende
Blaetter.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Alice-"Oh, dear, it is so awfully
hot. | know | look just like a
boiled lobster, don't II" Mabel
"Yes." Alice-"Y ou horrid, mean,
old thingr'-Minneapolis Journal.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

"There's the devil to pay in this
country" said the major. Hang
him." cried the colonel; moneys
too tight; let him wait, like every
body else!-Atlanta Constitution.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

The decon's wife wanted to jot
down the text, and, leaning over to
her scapegrace nephew, she whis-
pered: "Have you any cards about
you9" "You can't play in church, p"
was the solemn, reproving answer,
and the good woman was so fuster-
ed that she forgot her text.--Anon.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

ALP
HUMOROUS.
The bearded fugitive from justice
often manages to escape by a close
shave. Troy Press.
The street paver isn't far wrong
in characterizing his work as be-
meath him. Buffalo Courier.
Weary Watkins IF you had a
hundred-dollar bill what would
you git firstp Hungry Higgins
Arrested, | guess" y Indianapolis
Journal.
He-"Don't you think it wrong
for peoplet to marry their intellectual
interiors;" She--"Yes, always
wrong, and in some cases quite im-
possible. ."-Roseleaf.
Aunt-"Karl, you never come
to see me except when you want
money" Karl-"But, my dear
auntie, could ! come oftener than
| do?"-Fliegende Blatter.
|
Alice-"Oh, dear, it is so awfully
hot. | know l look just like a
boiled lobster, don't I?" Mabel
"Yes." Alice-"You horrid, mean,
old thingr'-Minneapolis Journal.
"There's the devil to pay in this
country" said the major. Hang
him." cried the colonel; moneys
too tight; let him wait, like every
BODY elser'-Atlanta Constitution.
Too True-"lt is really astOnlsh-
ing what immense progress the art
of photography has made these last
years. Why, you really don't know
your friends pictures when you
see them" ."-Fliegende.
Mistress-"Bridget, I've found
four or five largepieces ofglass in the
soup to-day. How did it happen?"
Bridget-"Shure, ma'am, and didn't
yez tell me to cook some new dish
for dinnerP"-Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Boston woman-"Oh, do so love
the fields Oh our New England
farms"
New York girl-"Why?"
Boston woman-"Because they |
are so cultivated, you know. =
Truth.
Dick Hicks-"Did God make
woman after he did MANI" Mrs.
Hicks-"Yes, dear" Dick Hicks
(after serious Thoughtful sup
pose that accounts for their being
so much younger."-New York
Times.
81 suppose it must take great
deal of patience to get along in
music as your daughter hasP"
Father-"Yes, it does; l have none
left. just leave the house when
ever she begins to play:"-Chicago
Inter-OceaD,
Mr.. Slimpurse (hankering for a
suit of clothes OH tick k)-"I--aw-
presume you are acquainted with
nv friend, Mr.. Nocash. He has
running account here, | believer"
Tailor-"Yes. We do the run
ning."-New York Weekly.
Junior partner--"While l was
taking down that buyers order
this morning, | told him one of
your funny stories" Senior part
ner-"Ha. ha! Did he laugh?"
Junior partner-"No. He coun-
termanded the order" ."-Clothier
and Fournisher.
The tall man was telling story
He said: II was there in the mid
die of the great prarie fighting the
red devils" Meaning Indians?"
inquired the fat man. NO." re-
piled the tall man. III will be hon
est with you. had the jim-jams."
Buffalo Express.
Hussle-"Pullman Of Chicago
had an order for a parlor car the
other day, to be done in As hours,
and he got it out. What do you
think Of that?" Flash-"Friend
of mine in New York had ten min
utes to make train in yesterday,
and he made it."-Puck.
The decon's wife wanted to jot
down the text, and, leaning over to
her scapegrace nephew, she whis-
pered: "Have you any cards about
you?" "Y on can't play in church"
was the solemn, reproving answer,
and the good woman was so fuster-
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Too True-"It is really astonlsh-
ing what immense progress the art
of photography has made these last
years. Why, you really don't know
your friends pictures when you
see them" ."-Fliegende.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Michigan Central.
P.M
iaM Bay City, leave, ~
s,o.M leaves Detroit. arrives, o'o
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

The tall man was telling a story.
He said: III was there in the mid
die of the great prarie fighting the
red devils" Meaning IndiansP"
inquired the fat man. NO." re-
piled the tall man. III will be hon
est with you. | had the jim-jams." "
buffalo Express.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Mistress-"B Bridget, I've found
four or five largepieces ofglass in the
soup to-day. How did it happen?"
Bridget-"Shure, ma'am, and didn't
yez tell me to cook some new dish
for dinnerP"-Chicago Inter Ocean.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Hussle-"Pullman Of Chicago
had an order for a parlor car the
other day, to be done in As hours,
and he got it out. What do you
think Of that?" Flash-"Friend
of mine in New York had ten min
utes to make train in yesterday,
and he made it."-Puck.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

81 suppose it must take great
deal of patience to get along i'll
music as your daughter has?"
Father-"Yes, it does; l have none
left. just leave the house when
ever she begins to play."-Chicago
Inter-Ocean,
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Mr.. Slimpurse (hankering for
suit of clothes OH tick)-'I--aw--
presume you are acquainted with
nv friend, Mr.. Nocash. He has a
running account here, | believe?'
Tailor-"Yes. We do the run
ming. New York Weekly.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Junior partner--"While | was
taking down that buyers order
this morning, | told him one of
your funny stories" Senior part
ner-"Ha. ha! Did he laugh P"
Junior partner-"No. He coun-
termanded the order. ."-Clothier
and Fournisher.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02
Your Watch
Insured Free.

A perfect insurance against theft OF accident
is the now famous
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Boston woman-"Oh, do so love
the fields Oh our New England
farmsw
New York girl-"Why?"
Boston woman-"Because they
are so cultivated, you know.
Truth.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02
0. |. PARTRIDGE.
Real Estate Agent

Rooms 4, 8, Dawson Block.
wni take charge of estates for residents and non.
rssdsnts. collect rents. pay taxes place insurance
obtain abstracts Of title. etc.
Once hours-10 to 12A. NJ, 4 to 6P.M.
Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-08-02

Dick Hicks-"Did God make
woman after he did MANI" Mrs.
Hicks-"Yes, dear" Dick Hicks
(after serious thought)-'I sup
pose that accounts for their being
so much younger New York
Times.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16

made very great havoc In Doe River Valley.
first taking the black walnuts and the
famous big Wild cherries, M then the best
OF tho yellow poplars. the white oaks, and
the hemlocks. A plea is therefore made In
behalf OF this region.
Massachusetts, last year created a Board
Of Metropolitan Park Commissioners for
Boston and the suburban towns, and Gov
ernor RUSSELL appointed CHARLES FRANCIS
ADAMS. PHILIP A. CHASE, and W. DE LAS
CAsAs its first members. There is talk OF q
State reservation on the Blue Hills. the
highest tract near Boston. and OF public
pleasure parks along the Charles River and
the sea beaches. Another organization. the
Trusteos OF Public Reservations. Is con-
cerned with the State as q whole. and has
Issued O preliminary call:
"In your part OF Massachusetts are there any beauti.
FIJI beaches. bluns, hiitops. rsvlnss groves. river
banks, or roadsidesf
"wouid 10 not be well to secure the most interesting
Of these places before their beauty 10 destroyed or they
become fenced in for private gain or pleasure'"
All these movements are in the right d.
rection: but most urgently important are
the steps to preserve vast tracts OF noble
trees from fire and the axe. Tho American
Forestry Association and similar bodies
are doing useful work, aud oil will &c
well IL tho interest excited in this subject
during the last few years can be kept up
and everywhere extended.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16

Tho appointment Of Mr.. WILLIAM Woop.
VILE RocKHILL as chief clerk Of the Depart
ment OF State is altogether creditatle to Seq
Rotary GRESHAM. Mr.. oCKHrLL Is a oentle-
man OF education. many accomplishments, and
much diplomatic experience: but he ia chiefly
known for two very interesting and plucky ex.
plorations OF Thibet. ench OF nearly q years
duration. He returned from his last visit to
that country only last November. and is lust
homo from London. whore he delivered an in
terestlng lecture before the Royal Geocraph.
zeal Society.
Mr.. RocKHrLL Is n linGuist. speaking several
European tongues. besides Chinese and Th!b.
etan. He was born in Philadelphia. but is a
graduate OF tho French Military School of 81.
Cyr. He has served four years in the Fronch
armyfn Algiors. and fvo years in our diplomat
&c service. first rs Assistant Secretary and then
as Secretary OF Legation at Picking. during n
part OF which time he was also Chargj A
faires In korea. lie is IL sci.ntist. an excel.
lent writer. and an author. and has plenty OF
executive faculty. He Ia young and energetic,
and IL he puts half as much push Into his
work as chic; clerk OF the Departm emit of state
as he has into his explorations and his study
OF languages. lie cannot foil to make u very
successful career for himself.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16
The Champion Shirt Wearer.

Mans desire to excel his fellows prompts
him to strange and weird contests for much
varying championships. There have been
Trials In devouring eggs. oysters. quails.
pumpkin pie. and other edibles. Men have
starved themselves to skeletonic shadows
likewise for the same ends. Some West
crn cities afford perpetual arenas where
skill In SHINING sheep or despatch
In sticking hogs wins the stakes.
BARRIERS, beauties. oyster openers. Jig
dancers banjo players. RE biters. mind
readers. and such. all have tested their
little rlvalries under "articles Of agree
ment'" until we might think that we had
learned the list OF eccentric ambitions:
but 1t remained for a citizen OF Hoboken
to originate an idea that again surprises
us as unique. He avoids the gastro-
notnic, plg-sticking. hair-cutting routes
to fame and issues a challenge for a con-
test in which one can engage without the
slightest physical strain. Hear him:
To rHE Enron or THK suS-Sir: Having heard several
Brooklyn men Boosting or the length OF time thsy could
wear " white sh'r; without noticeably Soiiing II. lam
willing 20 bet $500 that ] San wear . s,Arcbed shItt
longer and keep IL cleaner. than any man IN Brooklyn
or Hobokpn. Sin DupCo
Care OF y. KuRrz. 200 Grand avenue. Hoboks en-, J.
The opening words In the challenge sx-
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16

In another part OF this paper WI print nm
Interesting sketch OF the late MI. MAcRsApY.
the celebrated English actor. written by Mr..
GEORGE TtcKNoR CUET1s. who was his intim n IA
friend for thirty years. The article is Illus
trated by two portraits Of Mr.. MAcnEApY,
copied from rare engravin9s loaned to us by
MIR. CURTIS. We have thought 1t would DO ac-
ceptablo to our readers IL We wore to accom-.
pany these portraits OF the great English
actor by ono OF his American friend. which
represents tho latter at tho ago OF fifty. Mr..
CURTIS is now in his elghty.second year.
Although not strong physically. he is as capa.
bio as ever OF intellectual work, for two or
three hours every day.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16

League. It has only 70 20 TO work slyiy and
by whisper and insinuation TO accomplish
Its purpose.
Mr.. JESSE SELraMAN very properly re-
signed from the Union League. after q
membership Of nearly q quarter OF a CEN
fury, as soon as the concerted blackballing
| Of his son was announced. my sons faith
is my own" he said to the meeting: - I'd IL
he is not good enough to be a member OF
this club. neither is his father" Those
were loyal and manly words, and IL tho
subterranean plotters against young Mr..
SELIaMAN were capable OF shame, they
would have caused them to blush for their
W unmanly proceeding In striking this
underhanded blow at the faith. the race.
and the paternal sentiment OF the speaker.
A club Is first Of all O social organization.
and under its laws It can select its members
at will. as a man chooses his guests at n
dinner. without giving any reason for TAX
ing OF not taking a particular person. 1.-THE
Union League does not want any moro
jews on its roll, 1t has the right to keep
thcm out; and neither Jews nor Christians
have any ground for complaint because OF
the exclusion. Those who resent such pro-
scription can withdraw from the society or
avoid 1t. But when 1t Is proposed to change
the policy OF tho club with refer
ence to jewish candidates. the propo-
sition ought in fairness and In honor to
be made openly. 80 that all the members
may be advised as to the project and have
tho opportunity Of expressing themselves
upon it. The accomplishment Of tho change
by the methods used by tho cabal which
plotted against Mr.. sEL1aMAN was dis
graceful. He had been proposed by an old
and distinguished member Of tho club. Mr..
LIE GRAND B. CANNON. He had been recon-
mended for admission by the regular com-
mittee. such a report being almost invari-
ably equivalent to an election. Consequent
ly. when the secretly concerted opposition to
him on the score of race only. was unmasked
at the meeting. the contrary sentiment was
not organized.
Nothing moro was demonstrated In the
blackballing Of Thursday evening than that
there Is in the Union League Club a clique
OF young fellows whose senseless antipathy
to the Jews as q race Is stronger than their
regard for decency and fair play. Mr..
SELIaMAN suffers nothing from the result.
He has rather made a fortunate escape. He
is not permanently at the mercy Of such q
company. The pitiable ones are those who
brought about his ~blackballing by means
80 underhanded and contemplate.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16


hension. We have printed It in TIE Sur
for the publio's Information.
The police are authorized to arrest any
person who violates the act. The Mayors
orders for Its enforcement are clear and
peremptory.
We believe that II a hundred OF its viola
tors were arrested each and every day OF
this week. It would thereafter be- needed
and obeyed by all tho people of New
York city.
The penalties provided for It's violation
are "a fine Of not less thar ono dollar nor
moro than ten dollars. OF imprisonment for
q term OF not less than one day nor more
than five days."
Let the police do their duty. Lot tho
courts do their duty.
They will thus render o grand service to
the city.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16
Arrest Them!

We doubt whether the proclamation that
Mayor GrLRoY has issued. and in which he
quotes that portion OF the Consolidation
act which he says must hereafter be
strictly enforced. will be properly respected
by our citizens Until u few hundreds OF the
%violators OF the act are arrested and pun
ished. We suppose that as many as ton
thousand Of our people violate 1t every day.
and We are willing that one hundred of
them shall be taken up by the police each
day OF this week and subjected to tho pen
atty prescribed for their oifence.
The act prohibits all residents of this city
from throwing any rubbish OF any kind.
any waste paper or other thing. int any
public street or place In the city. Its rms
are explicit and liz details easy Of compre-
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16
Where Gresham Drew tho Line,

Trom he S.dnfa democrat.
The following sto.y o. Judge Gresham 10 told by tho
lion George T.. y. Jackson:
~'Shortly after Jaise Gresham took charge OF the
Safe Department" said NJ. jackson, "Senator Emma
Hunton OF Virginia called upon tho Score ary to intro
duce a friend and constituent for whom he was an I
ions to secure n good foreign appointment.
senator Iunion introduced his friend in due form
AMI spoke nt enxth OF his high character. his business
qualifications. his admirable requirements rs a IN
Ruist. and his general htness to nccsptably serve this
Government. In the diplomatic service. hut with Il all
he was careful to mention no word Of politics or OF his
friends political career.
when the Senator omp'eted his .u!ogy the secre-
tary turned to the applicant with the inquiry:
"'Haro you n clean Democratic record. sir"
~ Democratic record. Mr.. Secretary exclni med
the applicant. Certainly ! have a c'ean Democratic
record. Ny grandfather was a Democrat. tr. ;hs CON-
patriot OF tho immortal Jefferson; my father was q
Democrat. q zealsus supporter Of Andrew jackson. and
sir. l have always and at all times defended tho
principles a. laugh. by the founders of the grand Old
Democratic party. and have never scratched a Demo.
cratic ticket In my life. sr'
"'rhnt's right! That's right exclaimed JuGgs
Gresham. 4 want IL distinctly understood that tins
thing Of appointing to Office men without Clean. ortho-
dox Democratic records las gone far enough in this do.
partment. and I will have no moro OF IT."
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16

Our attention is called to the passage in
the new Adirondack Forest bill providing that
no standing timber on the State forest lands
shall 20 sold which shall measure less than
twelve inches in circumference and to a Sec
tlon OF 1.-THE present law which will DO thereby
repealed:
-. The lands now or hereafter constituting tho for
. preserve shai be forever kept as wild forest lands
ihey shall not be sold. nor shall they be leased or taken
oy any person or corporation, public or private"
Unouestionably the law as It ia sbop,d
stand. Tim is short. but II rossible Governor
FLOWER will do well to return tho bill for tia
needed alteration.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16
The Ericsson Inscription.

FIVH NJ IWTE NTW',
We do not see why the statue 10 be erected to Erics.
son should not STATE that he was = native OF Sweden
and q citizen, By adoption. OF the United States. wo
have many thousands al swedes among Ms, who have
become citizens. and they arc a WORTH and reputable
portion OF the forsirnbo' II contingent OF our popula.
tion. Ericsson ras II typical Swede, who did honor TO
the country OF hi, adoption as well as to that OF his
birth. and their woud be no Improperly in stating the
facts suggested upon tho pedestal OF his ciaEy, sweden
10 one OF those countries whose sens tho least fro.
quently force ihcinse yes into notice; bur the ster!-
ing merit and steaifast character OF Its people are
none the less worthy 0t recognition when opportunity
demands. We trust yet To SEQ the proper inscription
placed upon the prdlmcnt Of the Ericsson statue.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1893-04-16

To THE FDtToE Of THE SUNNI: I believed
until yesterday that We hal reached that high
stage OF civiiiz !tion. that pinnacle OF real
ethical virtue. in which ruce prejudice drops
to Its natural Lowell. tho narrow concomitnn OF
eScusablc ignorance. Ther' il an excuse for
the lace prejudice OF an Ignorant hcing. His
shallow mind is a pitlable chaos Of burning
wrongs. or rather Of alleged WRONGS. fed by
the flatnes Of y thon.nnd preiudiros But in.
tollicencs builds itself q stronger plat form.
~ judgments become a worlds judgments.
enacts u middle age Nat o; inc"m ratI hi Mn tg by y
reason OF race or religion It sets aaume again
oil ths latent pre!uticss which progress and
endcavorinC to stitie.
Americana have SGT before themselves a
They have proclaimed freedom IN. The fiyins:
letters OF their, sacred Constitution. They
nr Sfi G ns,Inns. T aai th se. Efs 3; . to sSs "rp Gs;ssa
face Of this greatest right comes as a stunning
this burning world torch comes the darkness
Of an ignorant impulse. In the face OF tho
contemptuous wrong with which that act was
eyer essmirchcd., Men whose appeals are for
5 areps r to tbs ,re riic.. 81 o. S GGvsrn ~ sH.dspIy
presence they disgrace his son because OF the
which comes That which they tHs ,T'sI"n IRON IRON
Tess. the religion which Jesus Christ pro-
the light which was TO lead on to Chris.i"nity'
/ have, written this for on % without tie
charity that r God like AMI God-rommrndcd:
without tina. MARTY because in my mind its
place has been taken nv contempt. 1t is con-
tempt o; a Kind which finds no grain 81 excuse
Tor the act. Of the Union League. no fellow
continent for such ,tcsmir"hinp rowardtcc.
Nntural!: ,he act will 10 resented by the Hn.
breWs o. IN" country. They will see in it as
bred. low-thlnkinG politicians Of socially eX.
elusive. mentally decrepid. prcjudice-besot.
ted uenagOgues.
THE SAME OLp "JpsT1nA"