The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-03-14
ALLEGED FUN.

Lady Ito famous animal painter)-
1T is a great pleasure to me to meet
you'll adore animals"
There are said to be so, 600 muscles
in an elephants trunk. It must have
been packed by a woman.
a Dublin doctor lately sent in a bill
to a lady which ran thus: TO curing
your husband till he died"
80 you want to marry Emma-but
she is my only daughter" "Oh, that's
all right, sir. I only want one"
Spex-Didn't you marry a Boston
woman? Hillow-No; but I did the
next thing to it. married a Miss Bean.
In Siberia the ground in winter is
frozen to the depth of some so feet. A
PERSONS lot there must be hard if he's
got one.
Brown (who expects a letter. I see
you've been to the ~postoffice. Did you
inquire for me2 Jones-No. Were
you there?
"He was awful" said Chapple in
dignantly. He said if I opened my
mouth again he'd put a head on me )"
Why didn't you accept his offer7"
"Why is Flint so liberal with him
self and so stingy with his wife?'
QuigIey-It is her money and I sup
pose he dislikes to spend it foolishly.
A Western girl who married a dull
English lord thus describes her daily
life: 1T is nothing but violet, velvet
and veal one day, and mauye, MORE
and mutton the next"
Mrs. FozzIeton-Why, Julia, what
on earth is the matter7 Why have
you taken the legs off the table? Julia
-Shure, mum, didn't yez tell me not
to leave the table standing2
Il ought to study photography"
unused the seaside young man who had
proposed again. Il really ought. I
can develop negatives in a given
time than anybody I know Of"
Adnie-Why did you refuse Mr..
Specie? I am sure the presents and
flowers he has sent you show him to
be in love with you. Bolle-I was
afraid he had spent all of his money on
me already.
Mrs. Cawker you got a
headache to night, Benz Nj. Cawker
No, my dear. Mrs. Cawker-O, I
am SO sorry that you have not. I
bought a new headache cure to day at
q bargain and l wanted you to try it.
Dudley Canesucker-We will be so
happy. 1 will share all your joys and
sorrows with you. Esmerelda Long
| cofin-But I haven't any sorrows.
Dudely-Don't let that worry you.
You will have plenty of them after we
are married.
by the way, uncle" said the
nephew whom Farmer Boggs was visit
ing, Il notices that you ate your pie
with your knife. Now" Farmer
Boggs-"'Course I ate my pie with my
knife. You act like you thought I
wasn't used to pie"
Mr.. Huffy-Yes, I insisted I was go
going to smoke ell over the house and
my wife said I couldn't smoke any
where except in the library. Miss Ford
And how did you fix it up? Mr..
Huffy-Oh-er-wec compromised. I've
given up smoking altogether,
In Scotland once a drunken man
met a clergyman chasing his runaway
| dog on Sunday. "Tammas," said the
~breathless clergyman, Ct am sorry to
see you in this condition. But whistle
for my dog; he is running away"
Tammas regarded the speaker with
gravity. and said: Whistle? I may
drink whiskey, but I'll no whustle for
ony dog on the Lords day!'
"Who is that little man talking to
all those people crowdjng about him?
He's been attractive no end of atten-
ton to night" why, haven't you
heard Of Jinkins, the great explorer,
| lust returned from his expedition into
the very heart of Bungaboo, where he
had the most thrilling experiences"
Certainly and you don'ttell me that's
Jinkins!' 90, no! Jinkins isn't here.
That's Filkins, who claims he used to
| 90 to school with Jinkins."
At the coal yard the other day a new
driver was hired, and he went off to
deliver his first load. He failed to re
turn and a search was instituted. The
missing man was found at the house,
where he had put the coal in the cellar
and had then taken up his quarters IN
the kitchen. The cook said she u
not get him to leave, and the driver