The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1893-02-24
ARIZONA KICKER.
THE EDITOR DECLARES THAT HEWILL
HAVE NO MORE INNOVATIONS.
No More Editorial Dignity VIII Be
Dropped, No Matter Who Comes Along
with Eastern Ideas-One of Joseph's
Little Jokes.

Dropped, No Matter Who Comes Along
with Eastern Ideas-One of Joseph's
Little Jokes.
copyright, 1892, by Charles B. Lewisl
No MORE INNOvATIoNs.-Wh his hon.
or the mayor (who is ourself) first occupied
his official desk in the city hall he used a
revolver as a paperweight and things
were running along in asmooth and gentle
way when the mayor of Buffalo happened
out this way. The paperweight attracted
his attention, and he read us a moral lee
ture. He thought there was certain
abandon about the matter incompatible
with the dignity of the Office. We took
the advice of tenderfoot for the first time
in five years and replaced the revolver with
piece of quartz silver. The other day, as
we were preparing a veto, stranger
walked in and covered us with his gun.
He was slow going chap, and had our
old paperweight been in place we could
have got the drop on him. AS it was, he
covered us and proceeded to make us eat
dirt. No one happened to come in, and for
ten minutes ne obliged us to call ourself a
thief liar, swindler, deadbeat and a heap
of other unpleasant things. What grieved
us more than all else was to be forced to
declare that THE KICKER had only one
fourth the circulation of its wretched con-
temporary, and that we stood in bodily
fear of the postmaster of this town. When
the fellow had fooled with us to his hearts
content he backed out, ran down stairs and
galloped out of town. We hunted for him
OF course, but he was not to be found, and
1t brings tears to our eyes to think we may
never see him again. Our revolver has
been restored to its place as a paperweight.
We shall steer clear Of any further limo
Vations. II the mayor of Cleveland or
Cincinnati or St. Louis happens along here
and doesn't like the looks of things it will
make no difference to us. We don't pro-
pose to drop 95 per cent of our dignity
with dull thud just because those eastern
mayors fail to understand US as a people.
ONE OF JosEPH's JoKEs.-Last week we
received through the mail copy of THE
KICKER which had been sent to Joe Tay-
J Tor, Of Duck Lake, as a sample copy Of the
literary fruits grown in this neighborhood.
Joseph used the margin and a lead pencil
to tell us to 60 to a cline much hotter than
this We Of course mounted our mule
and rode over to solicit an interview.
Joseph saw us when we were yet a mile
away, and mounting his mule he bolted
for Grass Valley. We overhauled him at
Turkey Greek, however, and gave him
sixty seconds in which to explain matters
He is very rapid speaker and in less thar
half minute had not only squared him
self but handed over four dollars in cash
for two subscriptions, one of which goes t.
his aged father in Connecticut. JOSEPH
had simply been joking us in returning
the sample copy. He has great deal o.
humor In his composition, and sometime.
he feels so funny that he does strange
things. He had no idea that his actor
would strike us seriously, but expected W,
would be tickled half to death. We ar
somewhat given to fun, but when mar
returns a sample copy of our paper W.
can't see the joke. We don't say that W,
expect everybody to regard THE KICKEI
as the greatest family newspaper on earth
but it might as we'll be understood RICH
here and now that under certain circum
stances we shall promptly buckle on tw
six shooters, mount our running mule ant
demand an interview.
His MrsTAKE.-His honor the mayo
(who is ourselD deeply regrets the little in
cident which occurred at the city hall Mon
day afternoon, and is pleased to learn tina
the verdict of the public is with him. Fo
many moons past the coroner Of this tow
has considered himself bigger man tha
the mayor. It was a great mistake on hi
part, but we let it go until the critter cam
to the conclusion that he was running mos
; Of the territory, Monday afternoon W
found him at our official desk, with hi
heels on our official blanks, and one Of on
official cigars between his teeth. He onl
struck the stairs once ON his way dowI
, and 1t was thirty minutes before he opene
his eyes and recognized Nose Williams
who was feeding him whisky. We wei
elected to run this town. When we sho'
: signs of weakness twill be time for SON
one else to step in. The coroner is a goo
man, and be has very graceful way
presiding at an inquest, but the swelling
, his head must be kept down. He says /
; will gun for us as soon as able to get on
but that was to be expected. When "
accepted the office we accepted all Il
chances as well.
NF;ea;safrri man "a aY;rr TO-