The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1893-08-25
ONE DAY OF WAITING.
PROVED SUFFICIENT FOR THE
UNLUCKY WAITER.
Behind Lunch Counter-Anxfous for Q
Job the Young Man Hires Himself to
Stand Behind the Bar and Serve Oue
Pies and Milk, But Comes to Grief.

Behind q Lunch COunter-Anxt0us for .
Job the Young Man Hires Himself to
Stand Behind the Bar and Serve Out
Pies and Milk, But Comes to Grief.
It looked easy enough and in my
innocence, alias ignorance, thought
it was. 1t did not appear to require
an enormous amount of muscular
force, nor, above all, to demand more
than minimum of brains. That
suited me to tee. Pecuniary troubles
had begun to burden my mind the
more as my purse became less of q
burden to my body, and ! felt that
something must be done. must
live and to live l must eat. To eat
had often sought the mar BILE bar Of
lunch cafe, and as l gazed across
it. between my munches of pie and
sips OF coffee, at the nonchalant
walters, it occurred to me that it was
easy enough. and then there was 81
per week in it and table board.
Therefore determined waiter at a
bar l would be.
singled out the manager Of
large city cafe and tackled for a job,
says Chicago Herald writer He
asked me if had had experience as
a waiter and l answered in the af-
firmative, with intent to deceive. He
liked my looks and engaged me-.
Promptly. at the next morning
was on hand, and attiring myself in
my white coat took my place behind
the bar and was initiated into the
mysteries of the check system. Then
| was left to my own devices and
!! watched some of my colleagues WHIP
ing off the counter with wet cloths.
Soon the head waiter came rushing
up and wanted to know what the in
ferno was standing there loafng for,
any way. politely explained that as
l was newcomer l was getting ac-
customed to the place gradually
sort of getting acclimated as it were.
''Acclimated, sheol!" he remarked,
with evident emotion and strobe
away pulverizing a commandment
and strewing the powder in his wake.
Everything was now prepared for
the rush. Each waiter had a certain
soon. all had their hands full Such
articles as they had not to hand they
called aloud for, designating them
selves by the several numbers that
| were their mons de guerre. The
noise began as the first of the noon
| patrons came in, in subdued muir
muir of ''Ham sandwich, numb foh;"
''dror one;;" ''doughnuts, numb
sick" The murmur gained in force
and volume as the throng of luncners
grew in density, and when they were
damned up and waiting, three deep,
behind the stools, pandemonium had
come indeed. Shrieks, bowls, yells,
excavations. prayers, walls, groans,
| cries and sobs, for cake and coffee,
salads and strawberries, ice cream
and pie, rent the air necessarily. A
blind man at a little distance might
have supposed some horrid holocaust
were being enacted and blessed his
| infirmity for saving him the full hor-
| ror of it. Crockery ratified, spoons,
knives and forks jingled, the white
coated walters flashed to and fro and
the eaters grumbled and swore be-
cause their servitors lacked eyes like
spiders and arms like octopi.
'Clatter-atter-ba batter atter-clack :"
went the dishes. "Ringle-ingle-]ingle-
ingle-lng" went the plated-ware.
"Chik nsal dtonguesand'ichst
platesdrorone! !" shouted No. 3. Rat
tle-attle- battle-clattle-a ttle-clash! ~
went stack of plates from the grasp
of some luckless wretch. "Treefried-
appelpieiceteaspo swanteddroroner'
yelled No. g. "Ringle-ringle-jingle.
jingle-jing!" went a new relay of
spoons. "Lem 'meringuepotatesal'd-
platestrawber bakedbeansglassbu
Observation-Disclosures" shrieked
No. l. Observation-Disclosures
attle-clattle-jingle Observation-Disclosures
jingr went the accompaniment
These things excited me greatly. l
rushed hither and thither and emu
lated the discordant noises OF the
others, but somehow or other, l
didn't seem to have the knack and
nothing came of it; but served out
bread and glasses of ice water to
everyone. The bread and water
seemed to be my forte and was be-
ginning to grow quite proud of this
achievement when a gentleman ad-
dressed some invidious remarks to
ME through highly sarcastic nose
in the course of which he asked if |
thought was dealing out rations at
Cherry Hill. l disposed of him in
short order-told him to go get lis
face fixed. He seemed much abashed.
My other clients, however, now
rebelled, swore at and applied
epithets to me which I returned at a
usurious rate of interest.
While gliding over the floor, well
fabricated with split milk and butter,
after more bread and water, the earth
suddenly changed it's equilibrium
and came in contact with me so
forcibly that saw into the farthest
recesses of the starry universe where
| undreamed-of suns, moons and solar
systems cavorted In drunken dance
in regions not yet mapped. Some
knives and forks made a plumb line
from my hands towards the zenith,
and am firmly convinced that they
penetrated the ceiling and roof and
are at present leading a vagrant