davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-20
OUR BUDGET OF FUN,
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
lNGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to
Have Been Recently Born-Sayings aod
Doings that Are Odd, Curious, and Iauea-
Ahle--The Weeks Humor.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-20

IT seems that the Infanta's fare
we'll letter to America cost the paper
that printed it $50. 1t wasn't worth
it. Much better letters from much
better women can be bought for less
money
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-20

Mrs. PRUNER-"Have you got &C
quainted in the church yet?" Mrs.
Prim-"Yes, indeed! already be-
long to one of the oldest factions in
it."-Plain Dealer.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-20

A CHICAGO man is writing a play
to be called "The City Editor" 1t
ought to be full of local color. Phil
adelphia Ledger.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-11-20

To FROwN in the mirror casts q
serious reflection on any belle. -Dal-
las News.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
HE PO5EED THEM.
a Queer Nisu derstanding of an Appren
tIce Hand Ia Turkish Bath.

Queer Nisu derstanding of an Appren-
tIce Hand Ia "a Turkish Bath.
When the new apprentice assumed
his duties at the Turkish bath esta b.
lishment the manager thought he
seemed rather stupid and entered into
long explanation of what he was To
do. He. particul rly emphasized the
command that the attendant was tc
rub 'em without mercy"
During the day the manager heard a
great many complaints from his pa.
irons that they had lost their personal
property. He thought that sneak
thief must have come in to get washed.
and resolved to be on the look out He
discovered nothing. however, though
he peelsed around most of the d like
anamateur detective, hiding in ali sorts
of places.
Toward the time when the new Mt
tendant was about to 60 off duty the
latter went into the managers Office
and began behaving with much nys.
terry. lie walked around like wei
hen. waiting until the coast was clear
When there was none but himself ant
his chief i'm the office he tiptoed mp T.
the door and locked it. Then he pro
duced from his pockets five gol,
watches, some diamond rings. fey
scarfpins and a lrold-headed cane. whiel
he set forth Will great pride before tn
manager, who, horrorstruck, recop
nized the effects as belonging to HI
customers.
lyon told me TO rob 'em withou
mercv," said the DELIGHTED novice, ''an'
done it. Do yer think I'll suit, boss.
N. Y. Herald.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
LOOK TO YOUR CELLAR.

Extract from a Lecture by DIR. j. II. Kei-
IoEG, isattie Greek Sauitarium.
Many mothers who wonder "why
some OF the children are sick all the
time" can find the cause underneath
the floor. Nearly all houses have cell
lars. Here are stored all sorts of things
for winter use-dcad things and live
things. articles to eat and fuel to burn.
old boxes and barrels, heaps of coal.
bins OF vegetables, etc. The coal
and wood are constantly sending
up foul gases Many of the vege-
tables undergo decay, and add great
ly to the formation of disease
producing elements. The germs of de-
cay are so plentiful and work with such
rapidity that ordinary precautions as
to cleanliness will not render absolute
ly safe n cellar located underneath a
dwelling.
Again, fruits and vegetables breathe
in a manner similar TO animals and so
exhaust as well ms contapinate the sur
rounding air 1t is popularity supposed
that plants purify the air in which they
are growing, and so they do to GER
tain extent by using up some of the
c1rbonic acid gas; but they also
contain some oxygen. and in this
way they are drain upon the
lifc-giving elements of the air But
after a fruit or vegetable has reached
maturity, il ceases to consume carbonic
acid gas while still consuming oxygen.
II then throws off certain amount of
carbonic acid gas as before, however.
and in tightly-closed cellars or store
rooms the amount of this gas has been
known TO be so great as to produce
suffocation.
Besides the cellar there is usually an
open space under the other portions of
the house between the foundation
walls. This space is large enough to
admit chickens, dogs, cats, rats and
even pigs and other small animals, but
not sufficiently large 10 allow room for
cleaning it. Here various small ami
mails find hiding place and often die.
Being out of sight and reach, they are
not discovered even when the stencil
of their decaying bodies become dis
tinctly manifest.-Reported by Helen
L. Manning
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
IN THE PASTURE.
story of a BIIad Mare and Her Equine
IrIenI

Story of a Biiad Mare and Her Equine
Friend
! will tell you little incident that
came under my observation when I
was taking my vacation last summer.
stopped alta farmhouse and the farmer
was the owner of pair of chestnut
horses named Doll and Jack. lie had
raised them from colts, had always
stabbed and driven them together and
they were consequently much attached
to each other. Last summer he turned
them out to pasture and while wander
ing around the fields noticed the in
cident. Doll has been blind several
years. but she never betrayed it by her
gait when travelling. In the pasture
she would sometimes become sepa-
rated from her mate and as soon Us
she discovered IL she would COM
mence TO search for him. Some
times she would whinny and he would
respond to her, when she would GO
directly toward him and when she
found him they would rub their noses
together. At other times Jack would
not answer, but would stop eating.
raise his head and watch the course his
blind mate would take back and forth
across the pasture, each time turning
toward tho left and nearing the fence
ut each turn. Frequently she would
stop and listen. Ii she was nearing
the mischievous Jack he would stand
perfectly still, but if she was some dis
tance away he would stamp his feet
or three times when Doll WAS lis
ing. She was always sure of find
ing him. though sometimes it would
take an hour to do so, and then they
would go away. side by side, cropping
the fresh grass. When they went
to the spring in one corner Of the lot to
drink Jack always led the way and he
would stand beside the trough and call
to his mate until she stood beside him
and both would drink together. Che
day a terrible racket was he lrd in the
pastures, and it was kept up so long that
one of the men was sent TO see what it
was all about. Doll had got one of her
feet caught in the spokes of an old
wagon wheel that lay in the pasture.
She stood very still and quiet in the
trap into which she had walked, while
Jack was thrashing around the pasture
and neie hing as though he had been
hired to rouse the neighborhood. Doll
was released, while Jacl. stood by and
watched the operation with apparent
delight that was manifested with a wild
gallop around the lot when she was
once more free. Utica Observer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23

WATERS VERNACULAE.
he Expressive Vocabulary of the Chicago
ArtiSt.

The Expressive Vocabulary of the Chicago
Artist.
"After we had been nearly every
where to-day" said n Chicago man,
from the bottom of the Washington
treet tunnel to the top OF the Audi
orium tower, we found ourselves about
loon far down on the south side. and
topped into the first restaurant we
anne to to get something to eat. ANY
urprise my friends may have felt at
he general appearance of the interior
f the place was nothing TO what they
must have felt later when / gave my
rider for one bowl of soup, one
,lain steak, Frankfort sausage. mashed
offee, and our waiter Transferred the
rider to the man who was dishing out
he several things Ia the following
.stounding language
lone swim. one boot leg. one ride
m the cable, m lshed Murphies, ship
wreck and one muddy My farmer
riends had heard and seen many novel
Kings while in Chicago but this caused
hem as we'll as myself to hold our
,reaths. pretended that it was very
omlnon thing in really swell. first
lass Worlds fair restaurants and quiet
asked the owners OF the Hines cir
as lots what they would have. One
+ them looked ut his friend and then
I me. and as my outward appearance
violently satisfied him that l had
thorough knowledge of my position in
very uncertain tone of voice asked for
cup of tea, cabbage without the
orned beef, a couple of turned eggs,
md some wheat cakes. Those farmers
aces turned ashen white, and thought
heir hearts stopped beating when our
waiter yelled:
Zone light Chinaman, old Ireland
without shamrock. white wings
slapped on the back and a stack of
whites
"'What'll you have% said the waiter
% my second friend. as the color COM
nenced to return TO his face.
"'Lord, said the delegate from south
I'm Illinois. give me the same with the
exception of the wings'-and we all
olinked and tried to look wise. Chi
ago Post.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
THE sAuRIAN PHOTOGRAPHED.
A Huge Crocodile While Undergoing the
Process Of Having Picture Took"

A Huge Crocodile While Undergoing the
Process of Having Picture Took"
Amateur photographers are said to be
as persistent as lightning-rod or fruit
tree agents. Some of them certainly
do go to great lengths in the pursuit of
queer subjects" Thousands of photo
graphic devotees went to the top of
Eiffel Tower during the great exposi-
ton for the purpose of getting a snap
shot birdseye view of the city of Paris
AMI they got them, too. It's a way
they seem to have of getting what
ever they set their minds on having.
Hundreds of amateur photogra pliers
have made dangerous mountain ascents
for the purpose of obtaining pictures
of the wild. rugged scenery, and num-
bsrs of enthusiasts have gone up in
balloons. and from their dizzy heights
snapped away at this little mundane
sphere of ours with IT, r cameras.
The most unique adventure on rec
ord, however, in which a snapshotter
participated, occurred some time ago
near Blantyre. in the shire highlands
of South Africa. A party, consisting of
several members of the Scotch mission,
CHluc SuuttCuig upon Il iluiubct VI CEOSO-
dies while they were out hunting one
day.
The enormous saurians were lazily
basl<ing In the sun, bat, despite the adj
monitOry Ssh" of one of the nimrods,
they took alarm at the approach of the
strangers and beat n hasty retreat to-
ward the water. which all of Thorn en-
tered except one straggler, which the
hunters succeeded in catching by the
tails.
The four natives who seized the croco-
die by that portion of his anatomy
which would have entered the water
last, had he succeeded in Guiding them.
were swayed violently from side to side
by the violent writhing of the powerful
creature, but they held on manfully
until the photographer had got his
camera around in front of him, when.
chick! and the great African amphibian
had had his picture took" The sequel
was particularly sad one for the croco-
die, for after the sitting he was dis
patched by riHe-shot.-Golden Days.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
The March Wide Awake


Is vigorous and breezy number.
Rose G. Kingsley tells about the quaint
Rag Market at Bruges," Marion Har-
land has one of her characteristic
stories, Miss Butterfly Mrs NJ. L. NJ.
Davis has New Orleans Carnival story,
"Judy's Mardi-Gras;" Tello d'Apery,
the boy editor, tells about his labors
Among the Barefoots" of New York;
Frederick A. ODER continues his CO.
fumbus papers IN "On the Shores of
Cathay." and Annie Sawyer Downs
tells, in Young Folks at the Eddy"
how children can act IS real hosts.
Wide Awake Athletics has brief paper
on "Handling and Training College
Baseball Team" by Captain 'Laurie"
Bliss, of Yale, and description of
"Hare and Hounds Runs" by David w.
Fenton, I'd. of Harvard. "The Real
Oasabianca," the hero of Mrs. Hemans'
poem, as told by Henry Bacon. Mr..
Bacon's picture of Casabianca and his
father is a splendid frontispiece.
Price 90 cents number $40 year.
On sale at news stands or sent post
paid on receipt of price, By d. Lothrop
Company, Publishers, Boston.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
CHINESE IN SAN FRANCISCO.
Thirty Thousand of Them Uuddied To-
ihar In ! sra..II nnnrie

Thirty Thousand of Them Uuddied To-
gether In n Small Quarter.
A mirage of Turanian civilizatio n
shadow of the past projected upon the
present, a frontispece out of the book
of life-this, and more, is the Chinese
quarter in San Francisco
These thirty thousand souls, huddled
together in spaces wellnigh unbre tn
able, uninha bitable. Jostling each other
along dark and crowded tboroughfares,
silently and imperturbably pursuing
their mysterious ways. so supremely
Indifferent to all that hens them in,
men they seem not, but shades ''all too
impalpa bic" from the deep Tartarus of
Time
Architecturally, however, little China
is at most but an influence, and it
is doubtful whether n single struc-
ture in the entire colony owes
its existence entirely to Chinese
capital. Indeed, the necessities of the
case made no such demand upon the
frugal and thrifty Mongol. Like Mo-
liere, he took his own wherever he
found IL. The huge business block of
San Francisco's early commercial period
and the hastily-constructed shanty of
the sand hills alike became his property
by right of conquest. and be found both
orders to American architecture equal
ly available. The shanty soon shone
resplendent in vernal green and sacri-
fetal red; and the hard uncompromis-
ing lines of warehouse, dry-goods en-
porium, and Office building were soft
ened by many n jutting gable and pro-
jecting balcony. hung with lanterns
and refreshed with lilies Henry Bur-
den Mcdowell. in ilarper's Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
Mining for Goldfish.

An old sailor Ia the arctic regions has
been telling how ne misses really cold
weather down this way. faint the
kind OF air I'm used ter" he said. Il
don't believe I'll ever get what want
this side of the Labrador. YOu don't
have To fish for cod down to the Labra.
dor You just gifts pick and shovel
and mines 'em, just mine EN- out of the
ice bergs- They're frozen in fast
Some Of EN- have been in there for e
million years. more or less. They got
catched no some time and just frozen
in \ whaling man { knows his busi.
ness can tell Offland where he'd strike
n paying lead lie lands n crew on q
berg and they cut n level place &c
stand on and then inst open galleries
into the iS,. You ind tie cod in seams
Ike coal. never worked in coal
pit. bSt I've had the thing explained to
me. aud it's about the me. The cod
were swimming around anG a LAYER OF
them got frozen Then would come a
a layer of plain ice underneath, with
ont any trimmings. ard afterward an
other LAYER OF cot It's colder work
than fishing. cod mining is. but the
returns are quicker. Boston Trap
script.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
In the Woods.

A gentleman who recently went far
into the Maine woods to look after his
lands on coming to mberman' S camp
thirty miles from nowhere, was struck
with establishment and held up his
team involuntarily at the edge of the
opening. The cause was the strains of
a parlor organ, played in an artistic
manner, which came from the camp.
His surprise was not lessened on meet
ing at the camp door the organist and
cook. a handsome young lady. as neat
and tidy as n new pin. who looked after
the house for her father and his crew.
She had taken her organ into the woods
TO ''beguile the drowsy hours" and
make things more homelike As might
be expected. the gentleman found that
camp sway ahead" of those not en-
livened by woman's smile and CHEEKY
presence, and he thought he never
knew before how much music there is
in an organ. It's the new order of
things in camp life in the Maine woods
Lewiston Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
TAKING COLD.

Tot Tsooms Create Tendency to Catarrh.
4 person in good health with fair
play easily resists cold. But when the
1ealth flags little, and liberties are
taken with the stom Ieh or the nervous
system, chill is easily taken, and &C
.ording to tho weak spot of the in
iividual assumes the form of cold or
pneumonia, or it may be jaundice. OF
all cases of "cold" probably fatigue is
the most efficient a jaded man com
ing home at night froIn a long days
work. a growing youth losing 'wo
hours sleep over evening" parties two
or three times a week. CT Young lady
"doing the season." AMI over-fed chill
lren with short allowance of sleep.
are common instances OF the victims of
the cod.
Luxury is favorable so the chill-tak-
ing; very hot rooms, soft chairs, feather
beds. create n sensitiveness that leads
To catarrh.
1t is not. after all, tbs cold that is so
much to be feared IS the antecedent
condition that gives the attack chance
of doing harm. Some of the worst
colds happen to those Ssho do not leave
their house or even the ir bed. and those
who are most invulnerabie are often
these who are most exposed To change
Of temperature, and who by COOL sleep.
cold bathing and rsgul h tbits pro
serve the tone Of thei; nervous system
and circulation. -iIoston Budget.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
fifth arp FONT.

Harvest will never Como for the
nan who will not get out of bed to pillow
and plant.-Ram's Horn.
"A thief is generally distant i'm his
manner If he suspects an officer is after
him -Binghamton Republican.
AS a rule a mans hair turns gray
dive years sooner than woman's. And
trouble whitens hair.-Oil City Derrick.
Promptly Answered - Lecturer
what is dearer IN a man than his
wife?" Bachelor-"IIerj cwelry. Jew
slers' Weekly.
Don't you think" the mother said.
proudly. 'that her playing shows re-
narkable fin sh?' Yes" replied the
young man. nbsently; but she was
long time getting to it"--Jury.
{ Tile has come for her in n buggy
md she objects to the turnout)-"You
are very particu ar; you put on more
airs than musie-box!'' well. don't
70 with crank, anywayr-BrooiSlyn
Life.
Lady rim furniture store TO new
\ rlil--''Wherc are those handsome
,:deboards that you had last wsels?"
Jerk (embarrasscd) 20 I--er-I
shaved then OF day afore yesterday,
mann"
What" she ?slSed, should be an
lrtists highest ambition?" ITO paint
picture so good that the frame won't
lttraet the most attention." replied
.he practical young painter.-Washing-
on Star.
= Cnrl-"Mamma. did papa have to
earn all the different kinds of tables
n the arithmetic for feet and" Mann
na-'1 think not, my son, for he always
,uts his on the mantel, you see" In
er-0cean.
"A Sociologist-Phil. Anthropist-
j can't give you money, but I will
rive you letter to charitable soci-
.ty." Onis Uppers-"No. sir; will not
Use it. lam down on organized char
ty; it is productive of pauperism, SIR"
Puck
Young ladies who allowed leap
rear to go by without availing them
elves of its privileges may be inter-
ssted in knowing that leap year meth
IDS have been known - work quite
hSCNHNAuisJ al OAhNi 1NAi heAASstS
ity Journal.
"A Way to Express His Gratitude
The Clumsy Man Coming from the
,allroom)-"IIow can / ever repay you
or that delightful waltz" She (whose
rain has su ifered) -"Oh. don't pay me.
settle with the dressmalser. Chicago
News Record.
AT the BoollstDre-Cus tomer-"But
his book bears a date prior to the in
'ention of printing Dealer in Rare
5olumes-''So much the more valuabls
ir; so much the more valuable. 1t is
roof of its antiquity. 1t was only after
he invention of printing. you know,
hat the counterfeiting OF old volumes
vas possible.-Boston Transcript.
Three travellers stopping at an inn
rdered Il brace of cartridges for din
Ter. When they were served the To-
,ician of the company quietly helped
himself to one and left the other FOR
lis companions Hold" they cried,
that is not a proper division" There
one for you two, and here on my
'late is one for me too. Isn't that
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1893-02-23
A WISE MANS eLuNpsR.
Going to See the stars In the Land of tn e
Midnight SUI.

Going to See the stars In the Land of tn q
Midnight sun.
A lady who has receutly returned
from travelling in Europe tells of a wise
man whom she met. who seems to have
been n cousin of the famous wise men
of Gotham. who pat a fence around a
bush TO keep in the nightingale who
was singing there
She was going northward 10 visit
North Cape, and TO see the midnight
sun. tn the steamer she made the ac-
quain.ance OF an elderly gentleman
who said that he was travelling simply
for pleasure and the improvement of
his mind. and who seemed to be per-
son of much learning. She was especial
" struck with his knowledge Of astron-
omy, and they talked of this subject a
coed deal.
You must have given great deal of
attention to the study If the stars" she
said to him one dav.
'Oh yes" he answered, II have been
have made it one OF my chief occupa-
tion : well Is pleasures 1t is really
because of my love for astronomy that /
decided 10 take this trip"
"l4ow was tbat?" she asked.
ut occurred to me-" he said. "that
50 far north as we ore going the con-
stellations must be seen to greater adj
vantage than they are farther south.
The air IS clearer. and the northern
stsrs, Of course, can be seen much bet
tel"
But. my dear SIR" she said. some
what astonished, az do not see how .you
expect 70 study the stars TO advantage
by daylight. and what we are going to
see is the sun at the time when il does
not st at all"
An expression of astonishuent and
dismay came over the face OF the wise
man.
II don't see hOw ] can have been so
stupid he exclaimed: "Bnt really
never thougfa OF that until this mo.
sssat.."-y0ath's cenpanies.