Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1893-04-13
Phonographic Paragraphs.

Photographic Paragraphs.
The other day Job Lots iiend from Chicago
was soliciting alocal hardware man to sell him
some $3.50 pants for $500. "NO, sir" said the
solicited, 81 don't want to look at your goods
We can get a square deal right here at home OF
the men who pay taxes and build up the town.
If should buy pants of you, and everybody
would follow my example in buying away from
home, the town OF Audubon would be erased
from the map, and without Il good town here the
land of Audubon county would be greatly depre.
ciatcd; so, you see, the plan you propose to me,
II followed to Its logical conclusion, would ruin
the prosperity of all our people" The job Lots
was silenccd, ard without word packed his
samples and walked away.
Sc
When the sky was overcast with dust and
smoke last Friday evening everybody was non
plusscd except John Coquillctte, the weather
bureau Of this locality. John said confidently:
"This is the south end OF Dakota prairie fire.
You bet that know what a Dakota prairie fire
is. was in Hand county five years ago when a
fire started from a locomotive spark. The hOlo-
caIlSt struck the northwest corner of our county
at II a H., and in forty minutes it swept forty
eight miles to to the southeast corner. That was
fire that would curl your whiskers. 1t cleaned
out everything. was on the relief committee
for three months and was the distributing agent
Of second hand clothing. About forty car loads
OF lumber was shipped in The public was gen
crOus. It's well enough to talk of the future of
the DakOtas, but don't triie With ne about the
past"
There are trials and fluctuations in every line
of business, and here is a tale Of woe recited by
a life insurance agent: 81 WAS working in Ma
son City, where there were four resident district
agents who were at swords point and would
not speak to one another. | worked up a
big risk for clothing merchant upon which tile
premium was SlG0 One evening got his prom
isc that could write the risk at ten O'Clock the
next day, and was promptly on hand to do the
business. He appeared on time, but asked me
10 take the $lGO in clothing, as one of the local
men had agreed during the night to do the bust
ness on this basis. l emphatically dcclined the
other fellow did the business, and as sure as you
live, learned afterwards that the four who were
not on speaking terms had combined against
me, and each took $40 worth of clothing. Well,
laid around that town awhile and didn't let
them make anything, though ] had to slip out
occasionally and make enough to pay my board"
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"COnfound the dogs; l wish every whelp on
earth were dead" said a man who used to travel
in the country, as he intenty eyed an innocent
pug and refectivcly saw all the swapping ours
he had met during many years travel on the
road "They have caused me a world OF trouble
One time slapped at farm house and remon-
stfaied with the owner OF tntee Digs, telling him
they ought to be restrained, as they fright
cncd teams and might cause a bad accident He
gave ne permission to shoot the yellow dog
The next time | came that way | shot and Of
course shot the wrong dog. Wen, sir, the own
cr was crazy mad, and on my next trip came out
and climbed into the wagon and commenced
pounding me over the head with a tin pail ]
pulled my trusty 49," and told him to climb
down If he didn't want to meet hig dog over
there lie seemed convinced and retreated.
Another time with my revolver l interrupted
the conversation Of dog while in the middle of
a bark, and the neat time passed that way the
owner was at the gate and leyeled s.iGt gun at
my head. My impulse was to give the team the
reins, but knowing that should have to meet
him some time, stopped with my hat elevated
on perpendicular hairs. guess my gall para,
lyzed him, for he lowered the gun and after
some conversation | left him pGcined. But |
was never SO thoroughly mad as when once at.
| tackled by a dog in door yard. lie grappled
and tore the seat of my pants, and the owner
stood at a itile distance silent and smiling. That
made me so hot that | grabbed an axe and
chased the animal into the house where ne took
refuge under the bed. The family who had
smiled at my discontinue were alarmed for the
dogs welfare and begged me TO let up, and | did
50 under mental protest and a resolve for future
revenge. 1t doesn't do, however, for a man to
make persistent war on every eur gnat ne ads
killing. You might rs well kill a mans child rs
his fayorite dog. The fact is that man who
wants to do business in the country must placid
ly combat the worthless CANNES, and number
their insults among the thrusts OF outrageous
fortune"
A veteran Rounder was talking reminiscently
the other day about the Vaccinations Of city
marShals in olden times, when municipal gov
eminent in Audubon was not as well regulated
as at present: zone time the L. S. court at
Council Bluffs wanted to interview me personal
ly, and sent It's marshal here to summon Inc.
That officer asked tine Gity marshal what sort OF
a character was, and was informed that was
a bad man. So the city marshal was employed
to help compass my arrest. They came to my
place and the U. s. officer told me what was
wanted, while the local assistant stopped two
blocks away TO watch the fracas. 1t was on
Friday and told the officer that would appear
at the Bluffs alone the next Monday. In this
way, the affair was without bloOdshed, while
the city marshal was paid 81 for his valOrOus aid
Another brave man who was supposed to be the
guardian OF the public quiet, invaded poker
Joint one night, and borrowed s. Of the table
to go into the game, and quickly lost it. Being
refused an additional loan lie threatened to pull
the house, but the boys fired him down the stairs
and he bothered the place no more
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Alexander Cooper: 81 would not say that the
| moderate drinker is worse than drundard, as
| some speakers have done, but have no hestan
cy in saying that his influence IL worse. The
drunkard is repulsiye to the young man who re
| solves never to follow the example set by the
| man in the gutter, but he rather ndmires anC
would emulate the genteel, moderate drinker
| Ii should be remembered that no man walks tn,
| earth but that there is someone following in hi
foot steps"
| Cow PAsTERE-ThOse having COW!
to pasture will save money by seeing
L N To-