Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1893-09-22
CHAPTER NV.

- Hi4t.' .i!'. Nfttl "A HIS col - .ri'..i
il- again like i fish" says the grocery
man Ia tie bad hoy As the youth ca;Ip
IL the grocery and took a handful IF
dried apples. The boy ate Il dried apple
and then made Up terrible face, and
the grocery man asked linn what he WAS
TRYING 10 do with his face. The boy
CaU-n; lis breath AMI then said:
say. don't You know any better than
t. keep driri apples where "a boy can get
hold Of them when he has got the
numI,>: You VIII Kill some boy vet by
such DUN Carrl,SSu.~~. thought these
were sweet dried All les. but they are
sour As a boarding i.ouse keeper. and
they make me tired. Didn't yuu ever
have the mump>: Gosh, but don't 1t
hurt though: Iou have got to he darn
careful when yOu have the Inumps, and
not 90 ont bob Shedding or skating. or
you VIII have your neck swell up higgcr'n
milk paul. Pa says he had the mumps
once when he WAS a boy and it broke
him all up.
well, never mind the humps; how
about your Pa spreeing il? Try one of
those pickles in the jar there, won't YOU?
l always like to have Il boy cnjoy him-
self when he comes TO see me-" said the
grocery man, winking to a man who was
filling All old fashioned tin box with to-
bacco out Of the pail, who winked back,
as much as to say, If that boy eats a
pickle on top of them mumps, we will
nave circus sure
You can't play no pickle on me, not
when have the mumps. Ma passed the
pickles to me this morning, and took
one mouthful and like to had the lock-
jaw. But Ma didn't do it on purpose,
guess She never had the mumps and
didn't know how discouraging a pickle
is. Darn if / didn't feel as though had
been struck in the butt of the ear with a
brick. But about Pa. He has been
fullcr'n IA goose ever since New Years
day. | think it's wrong for women to
tempt feeble minded persons with liquor
on New Years. Now, me and my chum
we can take a drink and then let it alone.
We have got brain, and know when we
have got enough, but Pa when he gets
to going don't ever stop until he gets SO
sick that he can't keep his stummick in
side of hisself. 1t is getting SO they look
to me to brace Pa up every time he gets
on a tear, and l guess fixed him this
fine so he will never touch liquor again.
/ scared him so his bald head turned
gray in single night"
What under the heavens have YOU
done to him now:" says the grocery man
in establishment. II hope you haven't
done anything you will regret in after
years."
Regret nothing" said the boy as he
turned the lid of thu cheesebox back
and took the knife and sliced off q piece
of cheese and took few crackers out of
barrel and sat down on soapbox by
the stove. "You see, Ma was annoyed to
death with Pa. He would come home
full when she had company and lay
down on the sofa and snore, and he
would smell like a distillery. 1t hur,
me to see Ma cry, and told her would
break Pa of drinking if she would lei
me, and she said if l would promise moi
to hurt Pa to go ahead, and l promised
not to. Then l got my chum and an
other boy-quite big bOy-to help, and
Pa is all right. We went down to the
place where they sell arms and legs t.
folks who have served in the army, or {
sawmill, or q thrashing machine ani
lost their limbs, and we borried some
arms and legs and fixed up dissectine
room.
1--WE fixed long table in the base
ment big enough to lay Pa out on, you
know, and then we got false whiskeri
and mustaches, and when Pa came il
the house drunk and laid down on the
sofa and got to sleep we took him ani
laid him out on the table and took some
trunk straps and surcingle and strapped
him down to the table. He slept righ
along all through it, and we had another
table with false arms and legs on, an(
we rolled up our sleeves and smoked
pipes just like read that medical stu
dents do when they cut up man. Well
you'd died to see Pa look at us whel
he woke up. 1 saw him open his eyes
and then we began to talk about cutting
up dead men. We put hickory nuts il
our mouths so our voices would sount
different, so he wouldn't know us, and
was telling the other boys about what I
time we had cutting up the last man W,
bought. / said he was awful tough, AM
when we had got his legs off and hat
taken out his brain his friends came t,
the dissecting room and claimed tn
body, and we had to give it up, but
saved the legs.
Il looked at Pa on the table, and he be
gan to turn pale, and he squirmed aroun'
to get up, but found he was fast. ha'
pulled his shirt up under his arms Will
he was asleep, and as he began to NOV
took an icicle, and in the dim light O
the candles that were sitting on tn
table in beer bottles l drew the icicl
across Pas stummick, and I said to m
chum, Doc, guess we had better Gu
open this old duffer and see if he die
from Inflammation of the stummic
from hard drinking, as the coroner sa:.
he did, Pa shuddered all over wher b
felt the icicle going over his bare stun
mick, and he said: For Gods sake, ger
tlemen, what does this mean? I am nc
dead
The other boys looked at Pa wit
establishment, and I said We'll, W
bought you for dead, and the coroner
jury said you were dead, and by tn
eternal we amt going to be fooled out Q
corpse when we buy one, are we Doc
My chum said not if he knowed hisseli
and the other student said: OF course b
is dead. He thinks he is alive. but b
died day before yesterday, fell dead O
the street, and his folks said he had bee
nuisance and they wouldn't claim tn
corpse, and we bought it at the morgue
Then drew the icicle across him again
and / said: i don't know about this
doctor. l find that blood follows tn
scalpel as 1 cut through the cuticle
Hand me the blood sponge, please P
began to wiggle around, and we locke
at him, and my chum raised his eyeli
and looked solemn, and Pa said: 'Hol
on, gentlemen. Don't cut into me an
more, and l can explain this matter
This is all mistake. l was only drunk
I'VE went in a corner and whispered
and Pa kept talking all the time. b
said if we would postpone the hog kill
ing he could send and get witnesses t,
prove that he was not dead, but that b
was respectable citizen and had fam
lily. After we had a consultation
went to Pa and told him that what h.
said about being alive might possibly b.
true, though we had our doubts. W,
had found such cases before in our prac
tice east, where men seemed to be alive
but it was only temporary. Before W.
had got them cut up they were deat