The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1893-08-16
THE SYMPATHY CRAVERS.
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX THINKS
THEY ARE INToLERABLE.
Fatal tn the Vital Forces 10 Have
Sympathy Forever on TaD-HaPpi-
ness Needs No ApOIosy-Misery Worn
as a Royal Badge.


stantly demands sympathy. who IS
never happy unless you are feeling for
her I say her because we seldom
find a man troubled with this mania,
while the disease seems TO be spreading
among women.
Men often crave sympathy from those
nearest them. but they have a pride of
sex which forbids them from demand
ing it and impels them rather to cloak
the feeling under a brave or light
manner. But when a woman Graves
sympathy you rarely find her hiding the
fact. for her happiness lies in being
pitied. 1 knew of a woman Of this sort
who had every blessing earth could Of
fer to render her happy, but nothing
made her more indignant than to be
congra tulated on her good fortune, and
nothing pleased her so much as TO be
commiserated.
With wealth, position and an inter-
esting family she enjoyed only being
considered a heartbroken woman who
concealed hopeless sorrows under silk
and velvet coverings The few faults
of an excellent husband were magnified
by her diseased Imagination into crimes
against her peace, and her children,
which the world regarded as ornaments
TO her home. were represented by her
as thorns in her flesh. To each friend
at first, and gradually to each acquaint-
ance. she confded more and more of
her domestic woes until every one who
knew her name grew to speak of her
as poor Mrs. A." And in time
poor Mrs A. by consta ntly think
ing herself an object Of sympathy. set
thought currents in motion which
brought all the disaster into her life
which she could have desired in her
widest imaginings. l shall always be-
lieve these misfOrtunes were produced
by her mania for sympathy, for which
We might coin a name since il is grow
ing more and more prevalent and call
sympathmania-
know another little wife and mother
today who is following in the same
path and will bring up at the same
goal without doubt If we give her time
enough.
I cOmplimented her on her pretty
daughter and fine son one day, and her
face fell, and she cOnfided TO me that
her son was a great anxiety, her daugn-
ter a great cause of worry and her hus-
band, While a good man, one who i'm
posed upon her all the care of bringing
up the children. My life is really a
burdened one" she sighed, and few of
my friends who see me going about with
smiling face realize how far from
happy 1 am
But l discovered ere long that it must
be through mere accident if any of her
friends. acquaintance or neighbors
were unaware of her sad and hardened
lot, for TO each and all she had made
her demand for sympathy. One of the
most brilliant girls have ever met was
affected by the mania. Her life had
known some severe trials, but they were
followed by unusual successes and bless
lnCS. W Whenever she was congratulated
upon these successes or envied for her
blessings her face assumed a melodram-
attic expression, and if the speaker was
2 friend or near acquaintance she
dropped some remark about the cruelty
Of fate which grants what you do not
desire and withholds what you need,
or which bestOws its gifts too late, until
the listener ceased to congratulate and
began to condOIe. From her nearest
friends she was constantly making a
demand for sympathy, which was ex-
hausting beyond the power of words to
explain. Their compliments and praises
reused only her sorrow or her resent
ment. for she wished to be regarded as
n target for fate's most cruel arrows
The people who would not be sorry for
her constantly she considered void of
true friendship.
Though such person may be para
gon Of goodness and a prodigy Of tai
ent. she would become unbearable as a
close friend in a very brief time.
To have our sympathies forever on
tap is as fatal to the vital forces as a
leaking blood vessel would be But the
sympathmania friend never seems to
think Of this. If you will only weep
with her, sigh with her, press her hand
in sorrow and tell her how you pity
her. she will continue 10 sap your
strength, even If you should die before
her eyes This peculiar mania no doubt
has its origin in early neglect or a lack
OF proper appreciation in childhood. A
girl whose sensitive nature is misun-
derstood or ignored by friends or teach
ers grows morbid on the subject and
shrinks more and more within herself.
BY and by she finds friend who SYM
pathizes with her. and the ecstacy of the
experience intoxicates her. She grows
to revel in the indifference and GOODNESS
Of her family in order to more fully
taste the sweets of sympathy from her
friend When she maTries, she is sure
TO find herself more or less understood.
and it becomes an easy thing for her to
descend to that most undignified and
almost disgraceful role of wife who
discusses her husbands shortcomings
with her friends and acquaintance in
order to arouse their sympathy for her
own hard lot.
But friends and acquaintance ought
to realize that a wife who will so forget
herself as 70 do this is not worthy Of
their sympathy, no matter how hard
may be her crosses.
of course IL is human to appreciate a
near and tried friend to whom we may
at times appeal for compassion and con-
dOlence, but we should make these oc-
casiOns rare indeed both for our own
sake and the sake Of our friend.
IT is a dangerous habit to ask money
loan Of our dearest friend every week
in the month or every month in the
year. While we might with safety make
the request once or twice on rare occa-
siOns, its constant repetition would
jeOpardize agreeable relations and tax
the resources of our best friend. So in
the same degree does the constant de-
mand for sympathy endanger friend
sOciates, while it weakens our own self
reliance and pride.
1t seems an odd fact TO me that the
generality of people consider 1T an i'm
propriety TO be happy They are al
ways apOlOgizing for even the appear
ance OF happiness and hasten to assure
observers that trouble has walked with
them and care has supped at their
board. Men and women alike seem as
a rule, to be proud Of the sorrows and
trials which they at the same time be-
moan. Happiness Is regarded as COM
monplace. and misery is worn as a sort
OF royal badge. Our novelists are In a
great degree responsible for this sort Of
nonsense. We seldom, If ever find a
happy hero or heroine in fiction In
olden times happiness was allowed to
come TO them in the closing chapter.
but the latter day novel does not per-
nit even that