davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

This is the Bazoo--.Price Ten Cents.
Direction for Using, Etc.

0uCSuO" sVs SS"'6s @aSs
This wonderful musicale instrument, for
the people now on earth, initiates bird or
animal. With it you can play or sing any
tune. 1t requires no instruction to use it.
Let one play lively tune on violin,
BAZOO, piano or organ, and one or two
others drone an accompaniment with the
BAzoo and you have good bagpipe. You
can initiate "Punch and Judy" to perfec-
ton by speaking in shrill voice. Do not
blow into the BAzoO; but sing speak or
make some noise, as the cut-cut cut-ca-da.
cut OF a hen, the crow of a rooster, the cav
Of crow, the moo OF a crow and hundreds
Of other noises. If the BAzoO does not
work properly, place the lips over the four
holes in the tin and draw the breath in and
out few times. Many limitations can be
made better by speaking through the three
round holes in the wood, or covering three
holes in the tin with the lips, leaving the
fourth uncovered. A quartette or chorus
singing through the BAzOO will bring down
the house with great applause and invari.
ably receive repeated encores. Buy four
BAzoo's, organize quartette and try it. 1t
furnishes good dancing music to excursions,
picnics, &C.,
The music produced is new and taking.
String and brass orchestras find the BAzO0
a very important addition. The BAzO0
sells readily in stores, street and newsstands,
at fairs, races, pleasure resorts, &c. Price,
l0c, by mail lie. Address,
]. WEST GOODWIN,
Sedalia No
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11
MISSOURI BANKERS.
Interesting Exercises Close the
Convention.

EXCELSIOR SPRINGS, Mo-, July s.
The Missouri bankers concluded
their meeting here Yesterday. 1t ha,
been a very pleasant and profitable
gathering for the men Of money, and
each one goes home feeling better
qualified to grapple with the bushes,
realities confronting him. Treasurer
Russell of ST. Louis presented his an,
nusl report, which, after deducting
current expenses. shows a cash bal.
ante of s63O.79 ON hand. A pleasing
feature Of the morning session was a
paper by Miss Kate Cox of the Cald.
well county bank entitled Ladies IS
Bank Cashiers" The paper wa.
somewhat reminiscent and afforded no
little amusement as well as much
sound business sense. Miss Cox i,
perhaps, the only lady banker in the
state.
An able paper on 'The Bankers
Vaation" was read by NJ. S. Coxwell,
Of De Soto. state Bank Insp, ction'
was treated by Gordon Jones, of La
ihrope, who presented strong plea
'or>tate bank inspection. He favored
it As a security to banks and stock
hollers, and thought the financial con-
cerls would be more successful
throughout the state, if they had
passed through rigid inspection. The
paper precipitated a heated discussion
and the final adoption of a resolution
,avtring the election OF
4 state Comptroller who
shorld see to having inspectors
visit every bank in the state at leas;
,nct year and report its condition
IN detail, somewhat similar to the
present system of the national banks.
The resolution provided for a commit
zee = draft n suitable bill and present
It atlthe next meeting of the associa-
ion.
Considerable discussion was had OIL
he hank robbers defense fund, and
:SOOwas appropriated tor reva is.
Officers were elected as follows :
President. j. W. Wilcoxson of Car
'olto,: first vice-presldent, J. G. Rus
ell, st. Louis; second vice-president,
J. p Huston, marshall third vice
president. Miss Kate NJ. Cox, Kings
on; secretary and treasurer, F. P.
Hays. Lancaster; assistant secretary,
W. F. Bigbee, Springfield.
The executive committee consists OF
W. ]. Anderson of Kansas City, B.
Zones of St. Louis and H. p. Farri-
II Clinton.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The New York Advertiser is about
the only paper in the country that
LAYS the action of governor Altgeld in
par,loning the anarchists to the demo
cratic party. With the same
degree of fact and reason, the
republican party would have to bear
the odium of assassinaiing James A.
Garfield. True, later and unforeseen
events prove that the democratic
party erred in nominating and elect
ing Altgeld. But who of the republi-
can party is ready to say that that
party did not err in the nomination
and election Of Andy johnson. You
cannot always tell whether man is
right or not until a temptation Is
placed before him. Where there Is
no temptation it is easy enough to be
an angel.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11
How They r..,.n bride. h. ru..,.

A girl in Tunis. after she is betroth-
ed. is cooped up in a small room with
shackles of gold and silver upon her
ankles and wrists. If she is married
to q man who has discharged. dis
patched, or lost a former wife the
shackles which the former bride wore
are put upon the new brides limbs
and she is fed till they are filed up to
the proper thickness The food used
for this custom, worthy of barbarians,
is a seed called drough. which is of an
extraordinary fattening quality. With
thus seed and their national dish,
cuscusso, the bride is forcibly fed, and
many actually die under the spoon.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11
The Mouths Of Lesves.

The botanist, the real investigator
who has got down to making real ex-
plorations for himself, will talk to You
about the thousand minute ''stomachs"
On the surface of a leaf. These invis.
tble "stomachs" are really the mouths
through which the leaves take In car
bonic acid. They are most abundant
on the upper surface of leaves; each is
IN oval opening guarded by q pair of
lips which open and close according to
requirements. They vary from less
than 1000 to more than 90 900 to the
square inch of leaf surface.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

As will he seen by the telegraph
columns Superintendent Strouthers of
the Ironwood, Wisconsin, water works
is under arrest for furnishing impure
drinking water to the inhabitants of
Ironwood. The result of using this
water was an epidemic of typhoid
fever, which has Frustrated nearly the
entire city. The mines and manufac-
tories are closed down and the town
Is suffering a visitation of
a malady little less than pestilence.
Strouthers fled the city, but was
captured in a neighboring state. He
will not be be returned to Ironwood,
as his life would be in jeopardy at the
hands of the rghteously incensed PEG;
pie. Quick work should he made
of the villanous scamp, who, to save
q few dolars, permitted foul water
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The experience that the inhabitants
of Ironwood. Wisconsin, are now
undergoing. should impel every cit,
in the country to have an expert ex-
anime the water supplied to its ci,i-
zens by water companies. Foul,
putrid and impure water at this
season of the year is the cause of the
major portion of the cases of typhoid
fever. Pure water must be had at
any cost
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

A new postoffice in Iowa has been
named Unique. One in Kentucky has
been named Piano, which is not mu-
steal designation in such a sense.
Other odd new names in Kentucky are
Cyclone, Gertie. Nipp. Susie and
Wheel Mississippi has a new post
ofRse named Finger and others called
Pak and Zero. Missouri has new
one named Pepsin and Quote. Smoot
and Tonic arc new Nebraska names;
OhD has one called Uno; two Okla
bona Offices are Moral and Tum; three
In Tennessee are called Cemetery, Let
and Ts2.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Should President Cleveland's pres.
ent illness terminate fatally, a thing i,
is not likely to do. the silverites will
have friend in the presidential chair.
Vice-Pre-ident Stevenson has ALWAYS
been ''of'' on the money question,
having espoused the ridiculous green,
back ignis fatuus some years ago; in
fact was sent to congress on that issue.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

A workhOuse will make the culprit.
wary of municipal and county enter
tainment and hospitality. So long as
they can idly pass away the time they
do not fear punishment for petty Of
lenses, but as soon as they will be
compelled to earn their salt they will
he more cautious in the commission of
depredations. A workhouse is what
is needed.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

New York's able superintendent of
police, Inspector Byrnes, goes even
farther than did Inspector Bonfeld of
Chicago in 1886. Byrnes will not
even permit the anarchists to hold a
meeting to celebrate the release OF the
Chicago anarchists from prison. Alt
geld's opinion of Byrnes would doubt
less require $4,000 words to express it.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

to be consumed by his patrons.
No punishment rigid enough
can lie melted out to him. BY his
pusillanimity he has caused the death
and ruined the health OF hundreds.
No manager of a water works COM
pany should be permitted to thus
poison his patrons and 90 unhung.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The reason that hats are occasion
ally lost at the White house these
days may be due to two dismetrical-
ly opposite causes. thus: As q result
of some interviews with Grover the
head swells to such an extent that
the hat is lost in the bowling wilder
ness about it; in others the caput
shrinks to such Q degree that the
owner swesrs he never possessed
such q misfit in his life.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

1t is said that Anarchist Altgeld is
very much chagrinned at the demon
stration his brother anarchists are
making over his great pardon act in
five columns of nonpareil. Altgeld
may vet be convinced that he and his
brother anarchists are not safe people
to run at large.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Hoke Smith, who presides so grace
fully and "oleaginously" over the
interior department, has started west
to look over the country which he is
supposed to superintend the inter
workings Of. Hoke will find, before he
gets back to the City of Washington,
that he has bigger undertaking on
hand than he at first supposed.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11
TIE Geographical club of Pbiladel.

TIE Geographical club Of Philadel.
phls has decided to take an active
part in promoting the next expedi.
tioo of Lieutenant Peary toward the
north pole. and has agreed upon
. plan for raising 5000 or $40. 900
Of the $50. 900 or $25. 900 that will DO
required. In return Mr.. Peary pro-
poses to turn over to the club what
ever collections OF scientific value he
may make in the arctic region.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11
WEEKLY BAZOO
SEDALiA, Mo.
TUESDAY, JULY ii, 1893.
SILVER CRANKS.

Editor Patterson of the Rocky
Mountain Ne,cs, who spoke in Sedalia
Wednesday night, is not the only Col
Orado "silver crank" if you please,
who advocates in public addresses a
bloody revolution to bring about an
advancement in the price OF his states
chief product to the disadvantage and
degradation Of the rest of his country
and an overwhelming majority of his
countrymen. At silver meeting in
Denver the other night Judge Belford,
the chief speaker, said that the gov
eminent must purchase and coin the
silver offered it without limit. "And
that" says Judge Bedford, speaking
amid deafening applause from the
miners, ''we are going TO have, or We
are going to have fight as sure as
God made little apples" His speech
was.incehdiary in the extreme. Among
other infiamable words this apostle OF
silver said:
"Oliver Cromwell. with squad OF
soldiers, once dispersed the house OF
commons because. it would not pas
laws to suit him. A century ago
Louis XVI undertook to dispense the
French parliament. 1t went out al
one door and came in at the other and
chopped of his head. To-day there i
president ia the White House who
does not propose to take the trouble
to disperse his parliament. He pro-
poses to buy it, to bride it, to deprave
il with the patronage that the Ameri-
can people have placed under the
control of his high office. Cromwell
got rid OF Charles |, the French got
rid OF Louis NNI-and the Ameri-
can people will take care Of Grover
Cleveland"
Even after all this Editor Patterson
was incensed because decen: people
mildly alluded to him ami like satel-
lites as silver cranks."
Would he object to having the true
appellation applied to them?
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

n mas cost Edison $l,OOO,00U TO
prosecute infringement suits on his
patents. and not one of his lawyers
has been compelled to 60 to the poor
hopse- A record like this is some
thing for q man who few years ago
Wa a poor telegraph operator to be
7rsud Of. He is believed to have
saved q few millions out of the wreck
to pay his own housekeeping ex-
UAlSoS,
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The Spanish caravels have arrived
in Chicago. The Viking ship is ex.
pecied to arrive in few days. Thi,
may do very well for Chicago, but it
is not the order in which they first
arrived along the American shore OF
The Atlantic.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

ton and it only needs thorough inves-
tigation to the end that the most salts
factory and practical plan can be
mapped out for the construction,
maintenance and operating such an
institution.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The state saloons of South Carolina
are called ''dispensalies.' In Kansas
they are called Joints" The only
difference is that in a Kansas Joint
they joint but, as yet, in the South
Cardinals ''dispensaries," they do not
dispense"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The silver brokers are eager to dis
pose of their white metal at its value
after they find that Secretary Carlisle
will not buy it on any other terms:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Fin attempting to evade justice, a
criminal steps his foot upon the soil OF
Missouri, he might as well throw up
both hands and call for the sheriff.
He is a goner sure. Ravisher Miller
realized this fact too late to save a
deadly scorching.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

A visit to the Midway Plaisance at
the Worlds fair makes one think he
is in Kansas during a campaign, SO
many queer creatu e. are to be seen.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Within three months the banks of
the country will be chasing response
BILE men into corner trying to induce
them to borrow money.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Have YOU cast those ballots fol
YOUR favorite lady clerk yet? YOU
votes are needed to make her election
20 the free trip to the Worlds fair
sue.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The Sedalia pastors to-day may not
be able to tell yon so much about the
torments of hell as Sam Jones, but
they will depict the beauties of heaven
mole glOriOusly.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The advantage of having a joint
city and county workhouse is plainly
obvious. The county court is fully
alert to the needs of such an ipstitu.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Well bet a two-year-oli, corkscrew
horned ram that there will be eight
females to one male in the Sedalia
-hurch pews at II o'clock this morn
inw.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

1t has now been a week since Gov
ernor Stone thrashed man. 1t has
also been seven days since a man
called him a d liar.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

At Redditch. England. 10000 peo-
pie make more than 100. 900. 900
needles . year, and they are made
and exported SO cheaply that Eng.
land has no rival IL. this country and
practically ,nonopo ICES the trade.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Honest. We would prefer man to
ask us fit is hot weather than t.
read one of the''pestiverous" us it
hot-enough-for-you" jokes, now taking
up the major portion of newspaper
SPACE,
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

With a law compelling the freecoin-
age of silver, about the only gold that
would remain in this country is that
which the Knob NOster treasure trove
hunters are now seeking.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

If its the Wall Street brokers that
are fighting free coinage of silver, a
great many of us are Wall street
brokers and do not know it.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Yes, it, hot enough for us, hut we're
Tot kicking so long as we can hear
the Missouri cornstock crack as it
.hoots heavenwaId at the rate of four
inches per each twenty-four hours.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Missouri is about the only state,
north or south, where a negro has not
been burned at the stake recently.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Elewhere will be found an interest.
ing letter from Miss Emma E. Shell
ton, the beneficiary and winner of ga
free trip to the Worlds fair" contest
offered some time ago by the publish
er of The BAzoo. Miss Shelton won
the teachers contest, and now, else
where in this paper, are
to be found particulars and
conditions relating to an
other contest by which the publisher
of The BAzoo purposes to send a rep
resentative of still another worthy
class, lady clerk, on free trip to
see this most edifying and interesting
sight of modern civilization. Every
body should manifest an interest in
this matter. All it costs you to vote is
to cut the ballot out of a copy of
The BAzoo and mail it to the pub
Usher, or leave it at tile counting
room. This contest has only been on
but a short time, but already great in
terest is being displayed by the friends
of the favorites. The result of the
voting thus far is shown in another
column.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The Hon. Champ Clark woke up
the Tammany braves by his Fourth
of July speech and he gave them
some red hot Missouri maxims. After
duly acknowledging all the above
facts the Commercial advertiser is cruel
enough to say that he prefaced his
Tammany speech by reciting the time
honored milk punch story, in which
the temperance lecturer is made to
say "Good Lord, what choice GOVT"
and adding, ''Champ should be ap-
pointed antiquarian of the Columbian
association that story indicates that
he knows what was going on when
the order was founded"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

The sparseness of church congrega-
tons this morning will have to be at.
tributed to original sin or the hot
weather. The attraction at AssOcia-
ton park-Sam Jones-can not be
made to apply as it did last Sunday.
Direlict pewholders. who took advant.
age of the supnosition that they would
ne at the Jones meeting last SUNDAY
10 snooze till noon, will have tobrusll
their hair and put in an appearance
this morning. There's no way out
IF it.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1893-07-11

Deacon Dinwiddie and all Others Of his
class smoke none other than Pluma.
6.l7dtf
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1893-01-05
The Practical Dairy.

The dairy business is one Of the
safest adjuncts Of farming, because it
has never yet been overdone. The
market is never glutted with good
milk, good butter or good cheese The
dairy man who drives up to the manu-
factory with 200 pounds Of milk ia his
can could get the same rate of pay for
400 pounds if he had it to offer. Money
never rolls into dairyman's lap I'M
earned, but with his herd Of cows. and
will to make them do their duty,
considerable silver gravitates his way.
No dairyman can ever become SO
prosperous as to possess fine buildings,
/ mortgage clear farm and have leisure
to take his wife and children out rid
ing pleasant afternoons, who does not
use his brains as actively as his hands
in all departments of the work. He
must think practical thoughts, perform
practical acts, and SO reap practical re-
suits. The thecrizing dairyman never
succeeds, at least on theory alone.
Theory is all right for the scientific
man to experiment with, and II he
evolves anything valuable the practical
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1893-01-05

man may adopt it to his advantages
The thoroughly busy, prosperous
iairyman has all that he can see to in
applying to his business facts without
fooling with fancies It is not the
man who jumps out. of bed at a M
and bangs through the day on a pure
" physical basis, who is an emulative
type Of modern industry, but the one
who, thinking, acts on those thoughts
and turns out better work day by day
Butter produced from cows fed on
hay in March, with the cream slightly
acid churned at go deg, the butter
milk washed out with cold water from
the granulated butter, and fine dairy
salt worked in in modern orthodox
way, has a far superior edible quality
to fall produced butter made under
opposite conditions. s5.
No season Of the year holds out such
golden opportunities to the butter. max
er as does the autumn months, and it
is too bad that all who are engaged in
this pursuit do not observe requisites
that will give them the full advantage
of natures ft.-American Culti-
vatOr
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1893-01-05
IN NORTH CAROLINA.
Something About Christmas Cele-
bration in That State.

Something About Christmas Cele-
bratlon in That State.
Sevie" Station, in the north Caro-
lima mountains, knew nothing OF the
high significance which modern
thought attaches to the great festi-
val of the Christmas year. It was the
day, however, on which Colonel
Royal sent, before breakfast, bum
per of foaming egg-nog to. every white
man and woman in the clarin.' Every
negro who asked for it had "a
warmin'" Of whisky at the colonel's
expense. It was the day, too, ON
which Squire Barr gave his annual
tremendous dinner OF turkey and
chicken pie, at which the six
families OF the village all sat
down together. Mrs. Missoury Barr,
also, made q practice OF sending
dishes of roast pork and hominy,
or 'possum stewed in rice and molas-
ses, or some such delicacy, to every
negro cabin. There was a general in
terchange of gifts; brierwood pipes, or
pinchbecz scarf-pins, or cakes of soap
in the shape of dogs heads, all Of
which elegant trides had been pur-
chased from travelling peddlers months
before, and stored away for the great
occasion. Nobody was forgotten,
from the squire to the least pickanin-
ny in the quarters. -
There was a vague idea throughout
the clarin' that the day was one in
which to be friendly and to give old
grudges the go-by; the Lord was sup
posed, for some reason, to be nearer
at hand on that day than usual,
Though not so near as to make any
body uncomfortable
Father Ruggles, the jolly old Metho-
dist ltinerant, was up in the noun
tains, and had sent word he was
coming down for his Christmas dinner.
He'll ask a blessin' on the meal,
thank Heaven!" cried Mrs. Missoury,
with devout sigh.
The squire hurried with the news to
the colonel.
eth be a big OCCASION" he said,
triumphantly. Father Ruggles IL be
equal to a turkey himself. I depend
on you fob maxim de coffee, Colonel.
Sans that eggsited now he doan
know what he's about
"Suhtet!y, suhtenly! But really,
Mrs. Missoury "a better double de
supply of nince pie" he suggested,
anxiously. Gather Rupgles is tab
rible fond of minee." R9becca Hard.
ing Davis