Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1893-12-14
dutit laid as will eff-ctuslly encourage
the manufacture as heretofore In our own

The humor OF some Of those old chaps
was not confined tn the narrow limits Of
their own home. When they had any
thing amusing they put 1t before the
public, through the papers, that the
hole world might read and smile with
them. The following Is an extract from
a subscribers letter:
"rhis Is the age of useful inventions.
The academy Of Lagoda in Lsputa was
nothing In comparison to the land OF
Uncle Sam. Grammar Is taught by a
machine in few days; wrighting In
eighteen lessons; and a language IN for
ty-flve. And, what Is worthy Of especial
note, every ones plan or invention Is the
best. Now, in order to prove incontesta-
bly, that my discourse aud inventions are
the 6estest Of all, l submit few Of them
to the public. l claim the merit Of the
following.
DISCOVERIES.
lst. The perpetual motion,-Let hole
be bored through the center of the earth,
from the top Of Catskill mountain to the
Antipodes. Let A pound ball be
dropped in; this ball, by the time 1t
r. aches the center will have acquired suf-
ficient velocity to project it exactly the
perpendicular height Of the mountain
above the surface of the earth ON the
other side; it's force being then spent, 1t
will return to the top of the mountain
and proceed on its second voyag and 80
on ad infnitum, to the utter establishment
of the Au,ip"des, who will be- as much
puzzled with it as some Of the New Eug-
land philosophers we're when the moon
stone fell among them.
2i.-rhat water is entirely composed
of aqueous particles, and that it is the
natural element of Sharks, although
some occa sional!y live very well on land.
Sd That contrary to the opinion of
some philosophers, there is actual heat
in fire This important discovery
fortunately made by getting my foot Sc
ve,.ly burnt few days ago.
4,h.-That the bat and fiving squirrel
are two distinct species IF birds, and that
each are essentially different from the
owl.
INVENTIONS.
lst.-A "new improved method" Of
dro,oning eels.
"A steam engine by means of which
the English grammar may be acquired
10 an hour, as ,oell rs in q year.
3i-A treble barrel.d fowling piece.
" here of one barrel will spring par
fridge, ,he second shoot it, and the
third pick it up and carry it home.
IA machine for pulverizing brick
bats.
5h.-A concise method of teaching
writing by means of Il one-hOrse Wagon.
CHA rat trap for catching misQui-
toes.
7h.-A four-wheeled sleigh, calculated
for the West Indies.
Sth,-A portable gristmill for ascer-
tanning The longitude.
oh But The ninth invention not be-
ing yet invented, l shall not mention it
for the present
The writer of the above had evidently
been reader Of yellow covered novels
and Baron Muuchausen's works.
III il reported that Russia has prom
ised to the other powers Of Europe the
forming common league for the ext IT.
patton Of piracy"
With the advance Of civ ilizatien. the
education Of children has hardly kept
pace with the times. 1t was said that In
1917 "The number of children educated
at Boston in publick schools, at the ex-
pense of. the Town, ia 1855; the mum Der
Of those who do not attend school, at
tend private schools, and are educa ted
at charity schools is 4132 In popnla-
ton of about 10000 the number OF chill
dren, above 9. ven years old, who do not
receive instruction is only 243
In strange contrast to the recent mes
sage Of President Cleveland, is the mes
sage Of President Munroe, published in
full in The Intelligent Ger Of December Is,
Just 76 years ag,. The message begius
:. At no period Of our political existence
had we so much cause to feIicitate our
selves at the prosperous and happy con-
dition Of our country. An extensive
and profitable commerce has greatly aug
mented our revenue. The public credit
has attained an extraordinary elevation.''
Mark the striking likeness to the times
Of two years ago, and again the great
difference of the present. Another great
unlikeness between the dynasty Of King
Gle, Gland l and the term Of office OF
Pi ident MuLroe is 10 their respective
at itudes tow ard the manufacturers. We
all know only too we'll what Cleveland
has said and done to crush them. Here
is what Monroe said: sour msnufac.
tories will require the continued atten-
tion of congress. The capital employed
in them is cnnside, abe, and the knowl-
edge acquir. In the machinery and fab
rick OF all the most useful manufactur es
is Of great value. Their prest rvalion,
which depends on due encouragement, is
connected with the high interests Of the
nation" And Monroe was Democrat
Republican; one of the first Uffsprings
If the party which has since become
known as Republican, leaving behind
them all the theories of the original
party which we're thought detrimental
to the welfare of the nation. These thu .
cries we're clutcned at with greed by the
founders of the present Democratic par.
| tv, were tenderly nursed through years OF
Republican prosperity, and then brought
round by their foster parents and foisted
on the public, always with one result
financial crises and stagnation ia tn.
business world. Like the Siamese twins
Chang, representing the Democratic p ar.
ty, has always inter fered with the good
works Of Eug. representing the RApub.
lican party. But unlike those fam us
twins, the death OF the D .mOcratic par.
ty would not cause the death, through
fear, of is more righteous and conscien
tious brother.
| ITO be continued ]
| The larppIvi creased size of r nance