The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1893-03-20
MY SUICIDE.

!, too, wished to kill myself.
l had just learned the sad news that
Amelia was fathless.
Was her name really Amelia. the flirtr
To think that she once held my life in her
little hands. and that now l cannot even
remember her exact name.
was young in those days, and no sooner
was l certain of my unhappiness than l
resolved to end my life. My first idea was
% blow out my brains at her doorstep. but
Ireflectad that too many people would hear
4fit
Henrietta-was not her name HenrlettaP
would learn to sheer at your humble SER
want
No, said to myself. let there be no pub
Gcity. The wounded bird hides its agony
behind a tuft of grass. l also will die in
some remote SPOT. lost. forgotten.
In this partial frame of mind l took the
$50 train for Milan. 1t put me down just
al dusk hundred sters from the Golden
Lion. an excellent hotel, with light rooms,
good table and clean beds.
'fWlat does monsieur wish to order?"
asked little waitress, who Ihaye learned
since was pretty.
Nothing"
81 was not hungry. l went to bed and
my sleep was agitated; every moment l
saw NictOTine-waS not her name Vic
torine ?-go by on the arm OF my rival.
Then / bounded up, and my fist dashed
against the wall, or the iron OF my bed, or
the angle Of the little marble table. | was
exhausted when l got up, but what did it
matter ?-I was going to die.
l began to look for rope. One would
think that for a man who wishes TO hang
himself nothing is more easy than 10 find a
rope But this is an error | went all over
the hotel without putting my hand upon the
sort of cord | wanted
At last l found it, and putting it into my
pocket went out of the hotel in the direction
Of q small wood. There. behind interiacing
leaves, l knew of retreat which was per-
iectly discreet corner in which TO die.
On the way l thought of Bertha-that
must have been her name l reyilrd her
from the bottom Of my soul. Then l looked
1t the rope, measured 1t and tried its
powers of resistance. 1t was not exactly
The sort Of rope should have chosen. 1t
appeared short and not stout enough. l
was annoyed One does not realize how
much a vexation of this sort influences the
course Of ones ideas.
Still another annoyance, On reaching
the spot I hal chosen l was disagreeably
suI prised 10 see il occupied by another. A
person whose back only could see was en-
gagged in throwing rope over branch
above him-the very branch that l should
have chosen.
What are you doing there? ?" 1 asked,
he turned round. What does that mat
ter 10 ynu?
Don't think that l cannot guess your in
,enIiOns," | cried.
III do wish to commit suicide, that only
concerns myself"
Commit suicideP %
Hooked at him. He was a good sort Of
fellow an open countenance, a sympa-
thRtic look, an interesting pallor.
Guessing him TO be the victim of a mis-
placed attachment, l added, For a flirt?"
"Sirp' cried be.
Poor fool!' 1 thought. che is going TO
take her part All lovers are the same"
The stranger kept silence.
Would You like a little advice ?" re-
marked. Leave your rope here"-I had
noticed that 1t was better one than mine
Go home. Some day you viii thank me-"
he shook his head. II wish 10 die"
do not prepare bitter Tem0rse for YOUR
self" l continued, with gentle insistence.
Nv hen you are buried it will be too late to
regret your life"
do you know what has befallen me?"
81 can guess"
''No, you cannot guess. A woman whom
l ad0red, sir; for whom"
And he recounted his history. Strangel
It was absolutely my own. This resem-
bIance made ne thoughtful.
Your silence means approval" said
Charles. had just learned that his name
was Charles.
Not at ALL" I exclaimed, for 1 did n OF
wish TO appear like a turncoat
There Is nothing in your story which
jusiifies this piece OF rope. For Charles be-
gan to interest me.
why do you imagine that you have been
worse treated than others who are Tilted
every day?"
They are not Tilted so humiliatingly as
was"
Pardon"
Oh. SOP
Yes, indeed"
"Yes-Sapristi! know something about
i. You can get even with her by making
love to some one else. There are many
better girls than She"
Better than she! Impossible"
Yes; at first one thinks as you do, but
your IDEAS will have changed In month"
My language appeared to me so much
that Of wisdom. that gradually it gave me
pleasure to listen TO Il. | continued
What good Will it do you to die, lust tell
me that. Either she is heartless or she is
not, if she is
''Oh, she has no heart"
Naturally she has not. Your death then
will only fatter her. Yes, Charles, she will
also regard you as fool, and she will be
right"
was becoming eloquent The fact Is that
for the last few moments had realized tina
was defending my own cause. All that |
ought to have said TO myself was saving TO
Cnarles-to nv friend Charleston | loved
him with all the affection that be was giving
ne back for myself l put so much conyic-
ton into my words that Charles fell into
my arms.
DO with me what you will" he cried.
Nv ELL" l replied, with a sigh that be-
trayed hunger, 'let us breakfast"
led him back to the hotel. Emotion is
exhausting, and we were both Of us ter
riblv hungry.
When we were at the well-appoInted
table and had feverishly devoured two or
three mouthfuls Of food, washed down by
some good dry BOrdelais we looked at one
another IN silence, and our eyes said !:
We'll, is life worth liViDg?"
II you had not met me- siphe1
Charles. his heart OVERLOOKING with graft
Jude.
and although 1 said nothing thought the
same thing.
DO you know" continued the Young
man., II was marvellous piece of chance
mat brought you to that part of the wood
where you met me. Ah," he remarked.
suddenly, what were you doing there so
early in the morning?"
l could not help blushing, lyon will
probably not believe it." l replied. ~ was
going to hang myself"
AN. bah" My companion burst mt
laughing and cried, That is an excellent
And we drank one another's health.
Translated for THE MORNING CALI. from m.
French Of Paul Paifait by MARIE EvELYN. 'N'
An Interesting Use of Photography.