Crawford avalanche., 1893-02-23

bklTC BACILLUS Will not eHeCJ lOuR-
ment in this country. memphis APP
peal.
THE mad who aspires to make a
successful pickpocket should study
free hand drawing. -Yonkers' States
man.
LOVE Is not always blind. 1T can
see the proportions of a'nices plump
fortune about as far as it is visible. =
Texas Siftings. (#
WIFE-"Is that one OF the cigars 1
gave you?" Husband-"Of course
not. Don't you see 1 am agoihg'to
smoke 1t. ."-Quips. usH --sn
WHEN wife counsels her husband
to come straight home, after An even
ing banquet she means it in more
senses than one. Boston Transcript.
BRIees-"I can't understand what
keeps f., X. & @. stock so firm these
days" Braggs-"Guess the water in
it has frozen solid. indianapolis
Journal.
MERCHANT-"Now here is a piece
of goods that speaks for itself.
Uncle Hayseed-"Well, that wouldn't
suit Mandy. She likes to do her own
talkin'."
TIE difference between a knife
blade losing its temper and woman
Is that the former becomes duller and
the latter more cutting. g.-Philade
phia Times.
SHE-"Dudes haven't more than
half sense" Mr.. Sappy-"Aw, Miss
Navy, are there no exceptions?"
"Oh, yes, Mr.. Sappy, some haven't
any. ."-Quips.
SWELL" said the man who hand ed
his last cent to the lawyer, Il sup
pose turn about Is fair play. broke
the law and the law broke me. -
Washington Star
JAGsBY-"Wife, 1 (hic) was held
up on m way 'ome." Mrs. Jagsby
(sarcastically)-"You wouldn't have
never got home if you hadn't been"
-Pittsburg Bulletin.
YEAsT-"What are you going to
make out of your boy?" Crimson
beak-"A lecturer" HAS he taste
for it," "Oh, yes; he inherits it from
his mother" - Yonkers Statesman.
FIRST Boy-"That there coal COM
bine works bully" Second Boy
"How?" First Boy-"Makes coal so
high priced that pop carries it hisself
cause I'd scatter it. ."-Good News.
IT was Vermont boy who, having
done pretty well in the West, tele-
graphed the "old man" in this fashion:
"Come on out; awful mean men get
Office here. New York Advertiser.
IN the Hawaiian language there is
no word meaning weather. The
reason is that there is no weather
there worth mentioning, the climate
being about the same the year around.
Texas Siftings.
FACETIOUs FRIEND--@Well, have
you and your wife yet settled as to
who is to be speaker of the house?"
Young Husband-~Not yet. We usu-
ally occupy the chair together. In
dianapolis Journal.
HE-@Oh, have splendid story
to tell you. / don't think / ever told
it to you before?" Shells it really
a good story?" He-~Indeed it is. ="
She (wearily)-@Then you haven't
told it to me before."-Life.
Il NOTICE that your husband has
never much to say in the morning
when he has been out late at night"
said the wife's mother. no." was
the reply OF the wife; -he's mum
then-extra dry. New York Press
GUIDE (to city Nimrod, who has
spell Of nervousness at sight of live
deer)-What yer trembling about?
Got an attack of "buck feyer?" City
Nimrod = No-t-mu-ch-Im trem-
bling at the narrow escape that deer
had.
IRAsCIBLE old gentleman quitting
head out of four-wheeler that is
crawling at an unconscionable pace)
Il say, cabby, we're not going to
funeral Cabby Cpromptly)-No, and
we amt going to no blooming fire
either. .-Tid-Bits
THOUGHTFUL. said the
affectionate little wife, didn't you
tell me those blue chips cost dollar
apiece?" "Yes." well, here's a
whole box full of all colors that /
bought at the bargain counter for rs
cents. Buffalo Quips
F1eG (reading the programmed
six months are supposed to elapso
between the second and third acts.
Fogg (whose ears have been outraged
| by the excruciating strains Of the
orchestra)-Is that all? 1t seems a
good deal longer than that. Boston
Transcript.
To INITIATE Both PARENTS. Caller
SO you mean to be an M. p. when
you grow big, Tommy? Politicians
Youngest-Yes; like pa. Caller
Then you've made up your mind TO
| do a great deal OF talking? Politi-
clans Youngest-Yes; like ma
Funny Folks.
IT seems to be fairly well estab-
lished by experience that the prac-
tice of thawing out frozen dynamite
cartridges by laying them on red
hot stove Is not altogether conducive
to the integrity, peace, and well-be-
ing of those soJourning in the neigh
borhood. Philadelphia Telegraph.