Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1893-02-17
STORIES BY JUDGE HOWLAND.

day he was walking through field when a
bull addressed him in an undertone and
made for him with it's head down and horns
in position to raise him. He was state
official, u man of dignity and political
power and of natural pomposity.
But he ran. He ran surprisingly we'll
He ran even better than he did for office,
and he got to the fence first. He clambered
over, out of breath and dignity, and found
the owner of the bull calmly contemplating
the operation.
what do you mean, sir" asked the irate
| official, "by having an Infatuated animal
like that roaming over the feld?"
well, guess the bull has some right in
the field" SAID the farmer.
Right? DO you know who am. sirs"
gasped the official
The farmer shook his head.
II am General Blank"
We'll, why in thunder didn't you tell the
bull2"
THE MAN AND THE TOMATO CAN.
A certain mans wife heard him in the
| adjoining pantry making explosive re-
marks. "What are you doing, my dear9"
| she asked.
Opening can of tomatoes" be an
| swered
What are you opening it WITH" she
asked sweetly.
with IL knife" he replied savagely.
Did you suppose was opening it with my
teeth"
NO From the language which you
used thought you were opening it with
prayer"
A HIGH PRICE FOR CONVICTION.
Conkling had defended a man who was
on trial for arson. He had been convicted
below, ard on appeal the conviction was
affirmed and Conkling rendered his bill,
which was questioned by the mans friends.
Conkling WIS rather new at the bar He
called upon Mr.. O'Conor. He said: "There
is johnson, now, whom defended in
hard fought trial and argued the case on
appeal at the general term. To be sure he
was convicted, and the conviction was af-
| firmed But had great deal of trouble,
| gave my best services in the matter, and
only charged him 5000, and his friends de-
cline to pay my bill. Don't you think the
| charge is reasonable and fair?"
Mr. O'Conor turned in his chair and said;
well, Conkling, have no doubt that you
did the best you could. You had severe
trial You exercised your best efforts in the
higher court and $500 is not large bill,
but | have no doubt lie could have been
convicted for great deal less money"
THE LORD AND TIE DAISY.
A Sunday school teacher was trying to
impress upon his pupils the care of the
Deity for all living things, great or small,
dress, he said: 1.-THE Lord, who made the
t +,,;, Ia T. l., I,In q
The Lord, who made the ocean, made the
pebble on the shore. The Lord, who made
me, made II daisy"
THE sAGACIoUs BOY.
You never can catch Yankee boy You
never can corner him. A gentleman trav-
telling in the county at Stoddard, N. H.,
where it is all rocks and powders and
abandoned farms-the old farmhouses 60
ing to ruin-saw Il boy of twelve or four
teen hoeing in a cornfeld on the side of
what would be pasture land on anybody
else's farm. The corn was rather poor
looking. The traveller reined in his horse
and spoke to the boy. He said to him,
"Your corn looks rather small"
"Well," said the boy, 1--WE planted dwarf
corn"
well, it looks yellow, poor and thin"
well, we planted yellow corn"
well" said the traveller, 81 don't mean
that. 1t don't look as if you would get
more than half u crop"
"Idon't expect to. Iplanted it on shares"
A DEMAND FOR QUICK ACTION.
A man was working in a field with two
of his sons One of them was at work in
one part of the field and the old man, with
the other, was working down in a marsh.
All of sudden the youth who had been
with his father ran up to the other and
cried: Come down and help the old man
out. He has got mired in the bog"
"How deep is he inS'
up to his ankles"
"Well, there's no hurry"
Eyes, there is. He's in head first"
AND HE CHOSE DEATH
A certain artistic immigrant on arriving
in the harbor of New York saw the statue
of Liberty. Hcasked one of the crew, us
that the statue of I.iberty?"
Eyes, that is Liberty"
"Then give me death' and he plunged
overheard
THE POWER OF DISCIPLINE.
This is historical and illustrates the devo-
ton of Sheridan to Grant.
L ioueTltlHu ttllu CTaUU WCTc travelling VII u
steamboat together with other officers.
Among the passengers was young Eng
lishman who used to take hand at poker
with them The usual limit was fifty
cents The Englishman one day wanted
to go out and light Il cigar and asked Cen
eral Sheridan to play his hand while he
was gone. 1t was four jacks pat. The
Englshman when he returned asked Gen.
eral Sheridan how it had panned out.
"Oh, the general bet ME fifty cents" said
Sheridan, land called him and won the
pot"
The Englishman looked in amazement.
WELL" he said, II have heard of military
discipline, but I never heard of it going
that far"
Mr. Rowland has knack of limiting at
story by giving the point of one leaving
the nearer to fill out the rest. Some exam.
Piles of that follow:
To censorious critics we reply in the Ian
guage Of the old verger Of st. Marys, Ok
ford, who on being congratulated by his
rector on his constant attention to duty
replied" II have heard every sermon that
has been preached from this pulpit for fifty
years, and, thank God, am u Christian
still"
The comments and advice of outsiders
are never particularly appreciated, and re.
minl one OF the toast given ut village
firemen's ball by crusty old bachelor,
Our brave firemen-may they be like our
old maids, ever ready, yet never wanted"