The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1893-03-29
Following Instructions.

Now" said the editor OF the (Su0hosn
Genius Of Liberty, to his reporter, Tin
your work I shall look for calm, dispas.
sionate statement of fact. My paper is
noted for its veracisy and no exaggera-
tion is allowed on any subject. Do you
think you understand that clearly7"
"Yes sir"
"Then you may attend the Skimgullet-
Domsquizzle wedding, which takes place
at noon to-day, and III zee how you
handle it," said the editor turning to bis
desk.
This ia what the new reporter handed
in after the festivities were over:
"It; is the custom of most newspapers,
in giving accounts of local weddings, to
speak'of the bride as beautiful, even if
she is as ugly as mud fence. The 0e.
MUS of Liberty scorns s-such aattery, how
ever. If q woman is beautiful We hest
tate not to say so, but if she is not, 1t is
not our fault. We proclaim the fact.
We wish We could say that Miss Melinda
Dumsquizzle, who become Mrs. Dennis
skimgullet at.noon to day, was lovely in
form and feature, but we cannot. While
We have seen uglier girls, it must be con-
ceded by all impartial observers that
brick dust hair and multitude of freck.
les do not look we'll on q bride. How
ever, she did the best she could under
the circumstances in wearing a tolerably
thick veil, and rugged out as she was, in
dress of cream satin, looked quite pre-.
sentable at distance.
"Hardly so much can be said OF her
husband, who walked with limp, and
whose sparsely settled chinw' skers of q
pale dun color would have improved his
appearance if they had been shaved of.
We ascertain by careful inquiry that
skimgullet is old enough to be his wife's
father, and has, in point of fact, commit
ted the offence of matrimony twice be-
fore. Some say thst both Of his former
wives were starved to death Others, that
he worked them to death. Which, is
correct, the Genius Of Liberty does no
pretend to say. The statements are given
for what they may be worth. What Miss
Dumsquizzle saw in him to marry is a
mystery, unless she thought she would
be more successful than her predecessors
in getting hold of the money which he is
said to keep buried somewhere on his
farm. We heard it said that her father
owed Skimgullet S135, and the latter
threatened to have him arrested on 8
charge of forgery if be did not get Me-
linda to marry him; but this statement
has not been verified yet. The presents
were not very numerous, and the most
expensive one that we saw was peach
blow vase worth dollar at retail. The
couple left on the accommodation for 8
bridal tour of two days to Podunk. We
asked the Rev. X. E. Geticks how much
the groom gave him for tying the knot,
and he said seventy Eve cents. This,
therefore, can be relied upon az official" ="
"Young man." ,aid the editor, after
reading the reporters account, "you are
far too high q genius to bury your talent
in small place like Quohosh. l would
like to keep you, but l am sure that
would be doing you an injustice. l
think you had better 60 to New York,
where your talents will be appreciated as
they deserve. And, by the way, when
you go to the station to buy your ticket,
avoid making the fatal mistake of buy.
ing a return ticket. We are fond of you,
but not 80 very fond that absence would
fail to increase it,"
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