Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-12-28
THE JOKERS' BUDGET
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
He Had Noticed lt-Cause for Resent
ment-WOrse-A Singular Request
Etc Etc.

Etc Etc.
HE HAD NOTICED 1T.
Barber giving him swipe down tn
other cheek)-Yes, sir; I've got som
influence in this ward, if l do say it my
self.
Man in Chair-You do seem to hav
something of pull.-[Chicago Tribune
CAUSE FOR RESENTMENT.
"There's an awful quarrel on between
Harry de Ruyter and Miriam. Have yo,
heard about itI"
''No; what's it all about9"
why, Harry told her she was hi!
study for the heroine of his last story
and she read it and found that he de-
scribed her as mot strictly beautiful
WORSE.
Observation-Disclosures is a terrible bore
Strang-Does he persist in telling the
clever things his children have said?
Barrie-W He tells of the
clever things he has said himself.
A SINGULAR REQUEST.
Family Physician-1 can assure you,
my dear lady, that you have not the least
trace of liver complaint.
Patient, who longs to 60 to Carlsbad
But, my dear doctor, can't you provide
me with it if want it very badly?-
lFliegende Blaetter.
NIGHT CALL HIM ONE BY TELEPHONE
Haverly-Would you call q man liar
who Was in the habit of telling little
harmless fibs?
Austin-It would depend upon how
much he weighed. Vogue.
JUST LONG ENOUGH TO THINK IT OVER.
Patient Old Lady Ito elevator boy
reading noveD-How often does the
elevator go up, boy?
Elevator Boy-It goes up at the end
OF every chapter. Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
TIE FAULT ON THE OTHER SIDE.
Isabella. Il don't see why you should
have any difficulty in conversing with
MIR. Francement. You said you spoke
French!
Elayne-I do. but no one can under
stand me.-lChicago Record.
IF THIS WE'RE ONLY TRUE.
So many girls will have to go without
new hats this winter on account of the
Worlds Fair that it will be quite the
thing to go bareheaded to the theatre
Ach!son Globe.
WOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
He-What is the reason YOU won't let
me kiss you when ask you? Is it be.
cause you think l have kissed so many
other girls?
She-No, l acquit you of that
He-Indeed. Why?
She-Because, if you had you wouldn't
have asked.-lNew York Herald
AND TROUBLE EVENTUALLY FOLLOWED.
Neighbours Boy-Your mamma must
be mighty strong.
The Other Boy-How do you know
whether she is or not2
Neighbours Boy-I heard nv mamma
say she b'leved she was shoplifter.
Chicago Tribune.
A PROTESTED TRANSMISSION.
Little Mary-O, you've got papa's
razor. He'll just take your head off
when he finds it out.
Little Johnnie docking at the blade
with a satisfied air after drawing it
through another pine stick)-Not with
this.-[Detroit Tribune.
WANTED soLIc1TUDE.
"Now, DEAR" said the thoughtful
wife, "yoY will be CAREFUL not to get
your feet wet, won't your"
Humph!" replied the dyspeptic hus-
band. "That's the way with you women.
That shows just about how much con.
sideration you have. for man. sup
pose you'd be satisfied to see me break
my neck trying to walk down to
my office on my hands, wouldn't you?"
Washington Star.
JOHN SETTLED AND DONE FOR
$50 your son John is counting woman
at lasta I'm afraid, however, that he'll
be too bashful to propose to her."
''He won't need to propose; she's a
New York Press.
MEAN MAN.
"Mv dear" said Mr.. Bloobumper to
his wife, ~ wish you would have some
of these biscuits of yours when Mr.. Bris-
coe is here for dinner"
- thought you didn't like Mr..
Briscoe, love- replied Mrs. Bloobumper,
sw eetly.
~ don't."-[Judge.
A woMAN's JOKE.
Eyes, mutton's dear to-day" said he,
''But here's some venison that's NICE"
"Oh, no; no venison for NO."
She said, chats dear at any price"
Il New York Press.
LIKE PAPER WRAPPER.
The Young Housewife-Have you
any canvas back duck2
Butcher-Yes, ma'am.
The Young Housewife-Well, wish
you'd send me one And l wish you'd
have it taken out of its canvas, If you
please .-lChicago Record.
WORTHY DOCTOR.
"Dr Jacques is certainly first rate