Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-06-19
JUST FOR FUN.

sess the prophetic gift; he is no seer.
She (sweetly)- What would living
be without me? He (gloomily) =
Cheaper.
Men who never take a stand any
where else frequently have to take one
in a street car.
Mr.J. C. Boswell, one of the best known and
most respected citizens of Brentwood, Texas,
suffered with diarrhoea for long time and
tried many different remedies without bene-
fit, until Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera and
Diarrhpea Remedy used that relieved
him at once. For sale by a. C. Pierce.
Every man has his influence, but
sometimes has a hard time to find it
when he is in a hurry.
He-I think Miss Irill would make
an excellent sailor. She-Why? He
She likes to venture on the high @.
Regarding Hoods Sarsaparilla, ask the
people who take this medicine, or read the
testimonials often published in this paper.
They will certainly convince you that Hoods
Sarsaparilla possesses unequalled merit, and
that Hoods Cures.
Hoods Pills cure constipation by restoring
the peristaltic action of the alimentary canal.
They are the best best family cathartic.
Hostess-People are very dull to-
night, Adolph. I really can't get them
to talk. Host-Play something, dear
est.
She-How do you suppose the apes
crack the hard shells of the nuts they
pick? Hewitt monkey wrench, of
course.
In thousands of cases the cure of a cough is
the preventive of consumption. The surest
cough medicine in the world DR.. Woods
Norway Pine Syrup. Sold by all dealers on a
guarantee of satisfaction.
Ten dollars for stealin' dat chicken?
cried Rastus, Why, jedge, honis now,
could a bought dat hen for fifty
cents.
A genius has invented a machine to
play pianos. This will give girls
chance to help their mothers in the
house.
Traveler-Now what ought a boy to
say when a gentleman gives them a
penny for carrying his bag? Boy
'Tain't enough.
Brown Is Jones as lazy as ever?
Jameson-No. Since the birth of his
child he has been in the habit of ris-
ing with the son.
For rheumatism, 1umbago, neuralgia, cramp
and collie there is no remedy superior to the
genuine DR.. Thomas Eclectic Oil.
She = I will never marry a man
whose fortune has not at least five CT
pliers in it, He (triumphantly) %
darling! Mine is all ciphers.
Jones-I'm quite near neighbor of
yours now, Mrs. Golightly. I've TAX
en- house on the river. Mrs. Cob!
Well, 1 hope you'll drop in some day.
Mother-My dear, you'll have to
chop some wood and bring up the
coal. Father Where is son John?
Mother He's gone to the athletic
club.
DR.. Woods Norway Pine Syrup cures cough
and cold quicker than any other remedy, be-
cause it combines the lung-hea1ing quality of
the pine tree with other valuable medicines.
Sold by all dealers a guarantee of satisfac
ton.
Mrs. Rasper 1 noticed your hus-
band giving a tramp breakfast this
ooh, yes, he's very tender
hearted; he can't even bear to start a
fire on a cold morning.
"What do you think of that photo
graph of myself I sent you, Maude?"
asked Borley. ''It was splendid. 1t
was so like you yawned every time
[ looked at it,'' said Maude.
More people, adults and children ARE troub-
led with costiveness than with any other all
ment. DR.. Henry Baxter's Mandrake Bitters
will cure costiveness and prevent the diseases
which result from it.
GIVE got the best Of this ould corp
grafton for once in my life" GLOW is
that, Pat?" II have bought a round
trip ticket to New York and back, and
Gin whisper) amt coming back"
"At any rate, my daughter is mar
rying Scholar" said the proud moth
err. 81 didn't know that he was an
educated man." said the neighbor
ooh, yes, he is. He's graduate of
the Kelley Institute"
BUCKLEN's ARNIcA SALvE.-The Best Salve
in the world for Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers,
Salt Rheum, Fever Sores, letter, Chapped
Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and all Skin Erup-
tions, and positively cures Piles, or no pay re-
quired. It is guaranteed to give perfect sat-
lsfaction, money refunded. Price rs cents
per box. For Sale by II. G. Pierce.
''Mr. Addem," said a Broadway
merchant to his sad faced bookkeep-