The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1893-08-24
HICKS PATENT COOKER
The Pathetic Story That Induced
the Rector to Buy.

to my paytent cooker" said the mild
hammered man with the soft low voice |
to the rector of st. Bartholomew's. ut |
consists, as mebbe you can see"
But I don't desire cooker, and
would not look at one if did," inter-
rupted the rector of St. Bartholomew's
in as irascible manner as is permitted
to his cloth.
'They come in three sizes" contin-
| ued the mild-mannered man with the
| soft low voice small, mejum and
| large They're made of tin, genuwine
| block tin, not rolled tin. | havee fire.
quently been congratulated on the
quality of my tin. Said Bishop Dobson
to me: Hicks, congratulate you on
the quality of your tin. "
Bishop Dobson?" queried the rector
of st. Bartholomew with languid in
terest, ~ don't remember to have seen
his name in the church calendar"
"Mcthody," explained the mild-man-
nered man. Pm q Methody. Here's
certificate from my pastor saying I'm
an individooal of moral character and
use good tin in my cookers. Here's a
letter from Rev. Edward Atkins-but
| don't set much store by that, bein' as
he is Baptis', and no judge of tin.
The principle on which my cooker is
based"
''You will have to excuse me-" said
the rector of st. Bartholomew's, look
ing hard at the heavy gold watch pre-
sented him by the parish on his last
birthday, but | have a sermon to
write"
"Msbbe your lady would like to see
the cooker" said the mild-mannered
man "It's made Of gcnuuine block
tin, and Bishop Dobson himself said:
Hicks, ! congratulate you on the quail
ity of your tin"
II have no Wife said the rector,
with the mcrcst suspicion of a blush.
'sThen buy cooker and git one said
the mild-mannered man, confidentially.
with Hicks payteut cooker as an
! argumint, you will git one easy They
: come in three sizes-small, mejum and
: large This here is the small one.
Folds all up, you see, like telescope
r Mebbe YOU wouldn't believe it, but one
l of them small-sized cookers saved my
life once. 1t was in the spring of 1858,
or the fall of 1852 or the winter of
T 1854, | don't remember which and it
0 don't make no difference, that Rev. Dr.
e James Wilyums d. D., and took pas
e sage for Africky in the brig Thomas D.
Y Wall<up, goin' as missionaries to some
Y of the numerous cannibal tribes that
keeps down the population, and conse-
Y ouently accounts for the depressed
G values of real estate in the Dark Con-
e tinent. Rev. DIR. Wilyulns was to teach
h the savages religion, but my mission
S was more important one. | was to
introduce Hicks paytent cooker among
|, 'em. You can see that even this large
/, sized cooker won't hold a man, to say
y nothin' of the mejum and small
u ones. Now l calculated to teach the saw
IS ages to use my cookers, and when they
got so attached to 'em as to never eat
d nothin' except what was cooked IN a
n cooker-seein' that you couldn't cook a
Sc man in 'em--cannibalism would natur'
ally die out. When broached my plan
d to Bishop Dobson his eyes shone and he
lie said: Go, Hicks, go. Your work will
n supplement- the work of Rev. DR.. VIII.
yums. heartily commend your plan
SO and congratulate you on the quality
TO of your tin Them was his words, ant
" / went
y well, sir, the mornin' after ! ar
ie rived in Africky began to talk to thu
I'd chief about my cooker, when wha
s. does he do but take me down to tn,
le leadin' grocery store of the town apC
show me Rev. DR.. Wilyums chained up
" Can you cook him?' axed the chief
IN No said l, my breath all gone
N with surprise at the turn affairs hat
=. took.
>" Well said the old chief, them
e, the kind of victuals we eats. We dom
III consume much in the way of breakfas
foods infants foods and the like. l
ne your cooker can't cook our style of pro
ed visions we amt got any use for it
'n "And with that they put me in thei
er Jail, and that was the last | ever seer
or heerd of Rev. DR.. James Wilyums
ne d. d. They would have ct me at once
T but the chiefs daughter, Ugogina, fel
10 in love with me, and made 'em put OF
the obsequies or festivities, according
. as you looked at it from my stand
point or the savages'. | talked nice t.
III Ugogina, and got her to bring me m.
n small-sized cooker, the only one the oil
90 witch doctor what kept the cooker
would let her have; and with that
r. cooked them savages the finest kinds c
SO victuals they ever ct, and they set me fire
and made me royal cook, and the chic
:. kinder smiled indulgently at the wa
IS Ugogina was maxim up to me. So 20
see the small-sized cooker saved m
life"
ed IN buy the small size" said tn
to rector, hastily. II have sermon I
so write"
h. Now You just take my advice an
re git mejum size. You can afford i
al When you take that small-sized cooke
rk round to that young lady you're aftel
is when you ask her to marry you what
al she think3 Why, she'll say to herse
Se that in buyin' this small cooker you 81
z. layin' out not to ever have any con