Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-09-13

his own at the range.-Elmira
Gazette.
The highest form of sincere fiat
terry at the present time is to ask a
man if he can change ten dollar
bill.-Memphis Appeal.
Penelope-"Did you ever have a
horse run away with you?" Paul
ine-"No, but had jackass try to
once; he wanted me to elope. v
Truth.
"Do you call your wife your bet
ter half, Mr.. Henpeck?" Better
half? HIM! My friend, she is
more than three-quarters. New
York Press.
Visitor-"So your name if Win
ifredp For whom were you nam
ed?" Little Win-"Jus' for myself,
SO I'd know when | was called. =
Good News.
"Brown has the job he was after
plenty of light work" whats
he doing?" Attending motors at
the electric plant. Atlanta Con-
stitution.
"There goes Van Dabble, the art
ist. Is he rising in his profession?"
20, yes. Why, he has got so he
can borrow five or ten dollars at any
time. Life.
"Have you had a good season!"
asked tourist. NAV" replied the
seaside landlord. Even the mo-
squitoes have nearly starved to
death. Washington Star.
"Do you take this man for bet
ter or worse?" asked the minister.
II can't tell until / have had him
for little while," returned the
bride. de.-Harper's Bazaar.
"You have natural ability for
acting, Vunchump. Whatever kept
you off the stage?" "The stage
manager, my dear boy" replied
vanchump.-Texas Siftings.
B. Flats-Why do you compare
my music with the poker game?
Jack Potts-One you play an
dante, in the other you ante and
play.-Binghamton Republican.
Customer-Give me fifty cents
worth of real Delaware peaches.
Broadway Shopkeeper-We're
not slicing peaches this season,
ma am. I'll sell you whole one
for $1.25.
Mamma-"Now, Teddy, we must
all try and give up something while
times are so hard" Teddy-"I'm
willing" Mamma-"Wbat will it
be, dear?" Teddy-"Soap." Chi
cago Inter Ocean.
"That's a fine baby, Wiggins.
How much does he weigh?" DE
pends OH the time Of day. About
3 o'clock in the morning his weight
seems to run up to about eighty
pounds. indianapolis Journal.
"How calm the sea is!' she ex-
claimed. "Yes," he answered,
dreamily. II guess the girls with
broken engagements have made
the other breakers ashamed of them
selves" w ashington Star.
Before we were married." she
said, "his displays Of effection were
positively overdone.
"And now?"
"They are very rare."-Indiana-
polls Journal.
He-"Wife, love, | am taking gpart
in balloon ascent tomorrow"
She-"I have no objection, love,
only don't forget to bring me some
thing nice when you come back"
I-Fliegende Blatter.
Mrs. Grumps- This is queer.
Here is the name Of your friend
John j. Jingle among the arrivals
st Newport. | thought he was
dead.
Mr.. Grumps-No; only married.
New York Weekly.
Dowser "There goes Judge
Wurdleigh. In addition to his be-
ing fine iurist he has the repreta-
tion of being a master Of the Eng
lish language" Bowser-"That
may be, but l don't like his sent
ences; they're too long; it took me
six months to get to the end of one
Of them. ."-Y onkers Gazette.
Magistrate-I seem to know your
face2
Prisoner-Yus; we was boys to-
gether.
observation-disclosures
Prisoner-Yus, we was. We're
both about the same age, so we
must have been boys together.
Elk.