The Portland daily press., 1893-01-07
know that / was in a sort Of nervous

either foundering upon the floor amid a
wrecked train or standing up receiving
the whitening glance of a justly offend
ed dame. So I passed most of the time
looking at my feet, and I noticed that
other men did the same thing.
1t is tremendously hot. Probably
$50, 900 was spent in ornamentlng the
walls of this house and not a dollar for
ventilation. About one-third OF the
people present appear to have bad
breaths. Society people are more al
flicted with this misfortune than other
people because they eat SO much sweet
stuff and drink so much champagne
punch between nibbles at salads and
things. AS the mob surges to and fro,
disporting many fine gowns and jewels,
one finds himself unconsciously moral
izing upon what shall it profit man to
have fine clothes if he lose his good
health and acquire bad breath.
The conversation which goes on IN
these crowded drawing rooms is a reve-
Iation. Unless you had heard it with
your own ears you could never have be-
iieved company of men and women
could be SO inane and stupid. 1t is i'm
nossible to move about without hearing
what your neighbors have to say, but If
you overhear one bright or interesting
remark in the whole entertainment you
will be in great luck. / don't mean to
say that the people are naturally stupid.
Many of them are as bright as new silver
coins and have made their regulations
in the world in some phase of intellectual
effort.
But it would take more than COM
mon mortal, male or female, to be bril-
liant, or even interesting, in mob like
this. There is no conversation
singing of few sentences at one an
other. No one sits down. If you attempt
to stand by friend long enough to have
a bit of talk current of humanity or
storm of gown or train or something
comes along and separates you. If you
are not interrupted In this manner some
woman rushes up and whislks your friend
off to be introduced to some one else, or
brings her friend up and plants him or
her between you and your acquaintance,
with whom you are trying to carry on
conversation, and drives you away in
disgust.
You notice that every one is moving
toward the dining room, where table
is gorgeously spread with things and
you can't for the life Of you tell what
they are, but they look good enough to
eat. Here the crush is at high pressure.
In the excitement and enforced contact
of the moment you feel your neighbours
heart beating against yours. This may
or may not be interesting lit depends
altogether upon the identity and char
acteristics of the neighbor whom the
fates have awarded you for the moment.
1t seems impossible to get near the table,
where from the edges of the crowd you
get glimpses of men and women eating
red stuff and drinking from pretty cups.
You envy them and wonder how they
ever got there You are in despair.
But while you are waiting and grow
ing hungry an experienced tea fiend
comes up, inserts a shoulder in the near
est opening, says II beg your PARDON
smiles and pushes in. A series OF inser-
tons of the thin and well trained Shout
der, of pardons and smiles, and the ex-
perienced pusher has pushed her way .
OF sometimes it is his way, to the very
front, where he or she presently stands
with plate in one hand and fork in
the other as calm as sleeping dog. Not
withstanding the crowd every one is
studiously polite and considerate. There
are no disgraceful scenes. AS the
throng shifts to and fro, forward and
back, a trained eye would observe, how
ever, that it is the accomplished and ex-
perienced tea attender that gets to the
front, while the tyro remains in the out
skirts and sucks his thumb. Politeness
is here cloak to pushing people out of
ones way, as I fancy it is in any of the
other affairs of life.
OF course it is absolutely necessary
that some idiot should come along with
ice cream and dash it against your best
trousers. And an old woman loses con-
troll of her glass of punch and spills it
upon your coat. Another old woman, to
whom YOU were SO unfortunate as to be
introduced, asks you to get her an ice,
and after you have skirmished for about
ten minutes, perspired and had your
clothes ruined, walked upon the gowns
Of half dozen other women, you re-
turn triu1nphantly with the ice in your
trembling hand only to discover that
some other dupe has been before you
and supplied the old DANES wants. It
is favorite trick of the experienced tea
attender in Washington to ask four or five
men to get her something from the table.
One OF another is pretty sure to meet
with success in his quest in her behalf,
and if two or three of them come up
with cups and plates, why, SO much the
better.
1t is a queer tumble of humanity. The
highest officers of the government are
here and also the lowest in rank. Most
of the women are married. Half OF them
are old enough to know better. The young
and interesting women do not like to
waste their strength in such unsatisfac-
tory endeavors, for there are no corners
to sit down in and sole possession OF any
| Govt Of q mon ia i1l17,ogeila1n The men