Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-02-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A bouncing baby-Thc rubber doll.
Fair aud square-The angular blonde
girl.
Settled out of court-The confirmed
bachelor.
Gossip will very soon die without
proper ventilation.
Fighting tooth and nail-The dentist
and the chiropodist.
The barbed wire fence is the thing
that can give you points.
A bird that can't sing and will sing
ought to be made into pot-pie.
When bad example is set it is apt to
hatch mischief.-Kate Fields Washing.
ton.
Many man has made a goose of
himself with single quill. Sift-
ings.
Sleep is not the period of conscious
ness; it is only the coma, so to speak,
Boston Courier.
It takes years for wise man to ma
ture, but fool can get ripe in minute.
Washington Star.
The diNmond that poets praise,
Though still a favored jewel,
Win be octranked ere many days
By carbon used as fuel.
Washington Star.
This would be a much happier world
if we couldn't borrow trouble without
collateral security. Puck.
"a little learning is dangerous
thing" as the poor skater remarked as
he picked himself up.-Puck.
"This is first-class sugar loaf, said
the candy merchant as he retired from
business. Washington Star.
When some people get on the roll of
honor they must roll it up and take it of
with them. News.
The height of impudeuce-Taking
shelter in an umbrella shop till the
shower is over.-Le Monde Com,que
1t has been demonstrated oft
A man ne'er reaches fame.
Until the world familiarly
Makes use of his first name.
Washington Star.
Photographer =" "Now, madame,
pleasant expression, please" Son-in-law
(in the back ground)-"Whewl must
not miss that hatl"-Fliegende BIaetter.
81 am not afraid to say what think"
exclaimed Hiladd. 81 always express
my views" "They are too heavy to go
by mail, suppose, f." replied Larimer.-
She-"Dudes haven't more than half
sense" Mr.. Sappy-"Aw, Miss Navy,
are there no exccptions?" 30, yes, Mr..
Sappy; some haven't auy."-Brooklyn
Life.
"Poor Mr.. Mills is so sympathetic, /
think" Dolly-"What did he dot"
sTo-day he sat with his eyes closed on
the car rather than see the ladies stand
up." Chicago Inter-Ocean.
"what have you got all those pictures
out on the window sill fort" asked
friend of an amateur photographer. "I
am simply airing my views" was the re-
sponse.-Yonkers Statesman.
Oh, novelist, a little light
We humbly beg OF you.
Why are the clocks OF which you write
All made of ormolu?
Washington Star.
"Hello, Dinwiddiel" exclaimed Shin
giss, when the two met on Fifth avenue,
81 haven't seen you in an age. What do
you do for living nowa' 'Ibreathe,"
replied Dinwiddie, languidly.-Pitts-
burg Chronicle.
Neighbor's Boy Cooking through the
fence)-"My fathers heap bigger man
than your'n" New Boy with cold dis
dain)-"Size amt nothin'l When my
father coughs you can hear him half q
mileT-Chicago Tribune.
Elderly Maiden tout rowing with q
possible suitor and little sister who is
frightened by the waves)-"Theodoral
II you are go nervous now, what will
you be at my age2" Little Sister (meekly)
Thirty seven, suppose. "-Tid-Bits
StranRer-"I notice you called your
friend Professor. Is he really a pro-
fcssora" Boweryite I'll should say SO.
Why, dat feller swollers sword eighteen
inches, stands on his ear and eats glass
out of a churn. Professorl Well,
should Just smile, New York Herald.