Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1893-12-15

healthful sleep, for the heavy eyed wake
fulness that took its place was but con-
tinual nightmare. Add to the effects of
bad health and the torments Of insomnia
we'll developed case of melancholia inner
tied from the fathers side, and which had
lain latent in me till now. Consider this
condition as lasting for years, without a
hope for change for the better. and then
tell me how many persons out of q hundred
if placed under similar conditions could
have saved themselves from becoming
either suicides, criminals or outright ma
MACS? EJ - "
AFTER time became like wreck,
drifting about without will and Judgment
to check the evil but mostly foolish i'm
pulses that took possession Of me, because
so perverted were the moral faculties that
acts of folly and meanness I would have
scorned to do while in normal condition
came to appear to me perfectly right and
natural. z2S
Atlast the direct strain Of the physical
disorder, combined with the effects of long
continued brooding over my miserable and
hopeless condition, proved too much for the
weakened mind. How the impulse that
swept away the last feeble safeguards of
self restraint originated in my mind ] am
AOV ttDlC w 1clls lOi Vic u UIllS
period on my mind are so confused that
am unable to recall them. Only this much
remember, that where before I had all my
thoughts conferred on getting well, I was
now entirely ruled by the impulse of COM
body than to place myself in situations
where had to expect, to be shot down any
moment. s$e E = !: s23z#; 80 E,
I am convinced now that these desperate
criminal outbreaks were instructive eff
forts of the mind to break away from mar
row, self centered thoughts. The realiza-
tion Of imminent peril would naturally
tend to force thought into new channels,
giving ease and relief under circumstances
which could hardly have been regarded as
comfortable by any sane man. I do not
think Iaetually desired to be killed, and I
am certain had no desire to kill any body.
The main motive was apparently a keen,
irresistible desire for the sensation of dan
ger, as its realization would at least par
TALLY dispel the dark mental shadows and
tone up the shattered nervous system.
You may also observe that all the
crimes committed by me were of q nature
tending to stir up intense excitement and
sharp universal pursuit, without in the
least offering proportional inducement for
gain to compensate for the unreasonable
chances took with my life had the cause
Of my actions been the love of gold. y
He then enters into ram bling account
of his trial and inveighs bitterly against
the men whom he believed to be persecut-
ing him. He thus portrays his agony Of
spirit during imprisonment:
The people of this enlightened and hui
name age shudder at the tortures inflicted
by the sayageon his hapless prisoner, but
what are the short lived agonies Of day
Of physical pain compared with the exqui-
site suffering of the spirit that is strug-
Cling for months and years on the brink OF
an abyss, where not merciful oblivion, hut
the dark shadows Of madness are waiting
to engnlf himP s5 & B:
As long as was free, physical exhaus-
tion produced by hunger and exercise, to-
gether with the stimulus Of ever present
danger, had kept me from sinking to the
horrors Of this last stage, when my mental
confusion was often so great that the speech
Of others seemed a confused, meaningless
noise, and the faculty Of speech often en-
tirely deserted me. don't knowif this is
insanity, but as I had been driven from
crime to crime by impulses Of preventing
the above mentioned horrors from over
whelming me, I will leave it to any fair
man to judge If my actions sprung from
free will or were the off spring OF causes be-
yonil my control 8, ~