The evening herald. [volume] (Shenandoah, Pa.) 1891-1966, 1893-08-14

ia 1DdS stamping on ~ lOith ms DOOJS.'
''No, Pa has not got religion enough to
hurt yet, but he has got the symptoms
He has joined the church on prowbation
and is trying to be good so he can get in
the church for keeps. He said it was
hell living the way he did, and he has got
me to promise to go to Sunday school.
He said if | didn't he would maui me so
my skin wouldn't hold water
"You see, Ma said Pa had got to be on
trial for six months before he could get
in the church, and if he could get along
without swearing and doing anything
bad he was all right, and we must try
him and see if we could cause him to
swear. She said she thought person
when they was on a prowbation ought
to be a martyr and try and overcome all
temptations to do evil, and if Pa could
90 through six months of our home life
and not cuss the hinges off the door he
was sure Of a glorious immortality be-
yond the grave. She said it wouldn't be
wrong for me to continue to play inno-
cent Jokes on Pa, and if he took it all
right he was a Chistian, but if he got
not box and flew around mad he was
better out Of church than it. There he
comes now" said the boy as he got be-
mind a sign, "and he is pretty hot for a
Christian. He is looking for me- You
aad ought to have seen him in church
5his morning.
you see, | commenced theeXercises at
home after breakfast by putting piece
Of ice in each Of Pas boots and when he
pulledon the boots he yelled that his feet
were all ON fire, and we told him that it
was nothing but symptoms Of gout, so
| he left the ice in his boots to melt, and
he said all the morning that he felt as
though he had sweat his boots full. But
that was not the worst. You know, Pa
he wears a liver pad. Wei, on Saturday
my chum and me was ont on the lake
shore and we found nest of ants, these
little red ants, and / got a pop bottle
half full of the ants and took them home.
didn't know what l would do with the
ants but ants are always handy to have
in the house. This morning when Pa
was dressing for church | saw his liver
pad on a chair and noticed a hole in it,
and | thoughtW what good place il would
De for the ants.
II don't know what possessed me, but
/ rcok the nver pad into my room Rnc
opened the bottle and put the hole Ovel
the mouth Of the bottle, and l guess the
ants thought there was something to eat
in the liver pad, cause they all wenl
into it, and they crawled around in tn,
bran and condition powders inside of it
and / took it back to Pa, and he put i
on under his shirt and dressed himself
and we went to church. Pa squirmed /
little when the minister was praying
qnd guess some of the ants had com
out to view the landscape DER Whei
we got up 10 sing the hymn, Pa KEEP
kicking, as though he was nervous, an,
he felt down his neck and looked sort 0
wild the way he did when he had tn
jimjams. When wesat down, Pacouldn'
keep still, and like TO died when l say
some of the ants come out of his shir
bosom and go racing around his whit
vest Pa tried to look pious and re
signed, but he couldn't keep his leg
still and he sweat more'n pailful.
"Wheu the minister preached abou
the worm that never dieth, Pa reaches
into his vest and scratched his ribs, an
he looked as though he would give $40
the minister would get through. Ma sh
looked at Pa as though she would bit
his head off, but Pa he just squirmed an
acted as though his soul was on fire
Say, does ants bite OF just crawl around
Well, when the minister said amen an
prayed the second round and then sal
a brother who was a missionary to th
heather would like TO make a few r.
marks about the work of the missionarie
in Bengal and take up a collection, p
told Ma they would have to excuse hin
and he lit ont for home, slapping himsel
on the legs and on the arms and on th
back. and he acted crazy. Ma and m
went home after the heather got throug
and found Pa in his bedroom with par
of his clothes Off, end the liver pad wa
ON the floor, and Pa was stamping on
with his boots and &,ing oful.
"'What is tine mat-eY says Ma Don
your religion agree with youY
"Relgion De dashed, says Pa as h
kicked the liver pad q would give @il
to know how a pint Of red ants got int
my liver pad Religion is one thing, anC
a million ants walking all o7er mar