The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-07-04

CRANKY INVENTORS.
Some Of the Queer Productions
Sent to the Patent Omce.
Visionary Geniuses Who Imagine Their
Complicated Devices Are Going to
Become the Wonder of tho
Civilized World.

There are queer people IN this world.
! Among the queerest are some OF the
| inventors who food the patent Office
with their severely queer designs.
YES said an official recently, ''we
see multitudes of 'cranks' at this build
| ing, and our chief amusement is to
read the specifications of ambitious
! but cratic inventors. who clamor for
grant of patent. There is the air
ship crank, with quiet notion in his
| head that he is to be some day pub
lie benefactor, but who really knows
as much about aerostation as jack
rabbit. Next to him in oddities of
thought is the ire-escape dreamer,
with his ladders. pulleys and cables. >"
Upon investigation in the record
room l discovered drawings of the lat
est patents piled on low shelf. Upon
perusal the first device of peculiar
nature was discovered. The invention
in question was an improved method
of exterminating mosquitoes, for which
a Texan was given letters patent. The
winged messengers OF bliss probably
made themselves obnoxious to the
patentee and he determined to ami
hilate the whole species. His inven-
tion is queer and complicated inter
mixture of screens, gauze and whirring
mechanism, into which the little buzz
ing songsters are drawn and effectual-
ly annihilated.
Another inventive genius from the
west solicited patent for a fruit
picker. This instrument is very
modest-lool1ing affair, resembling
somewhat onehalf of a pair of shears.
A small ring fits over the fore-fnger of
the operator and brings at right angles
cutting edge or blade. The fruit to
be cut is held in the left hand, and by
grasping the stem in certain manner
with the right hand and giving quick
twist either the aforesaid fruit Or the
thumb will be severed. The inventor
in this case seemed to overlook the
fact that the greatest varieties of
American fruits do not grow on bushes
or within reach of the hand, and last,
but not least. the welfare of the per-
son handling his useful little imple
ment has to be respected.
A little way down in the file is a pc
culiar looking machine, patented by a
Michigander and used by said gentle
man in lifting pans from stoves The
apparatus embodies such a complicated
mass of levers, screws and other similar
devices of mechanism that it is safe to
say his panlifter will never find popular
favor in the American kitchen.
For the past six months a car-coup-
ling epidemic has spread itself and
permeated every state in the union.
The epidemic is a mania for all classes
to invent car-couplers and get patent
grants therefor.
The larger portion of these couplers
are SO. complicated and useless that the
anxious patentees will never receive
an iOta of good from their inventions.
A certain individual from the En-
pire state named Collins applied for
grant on a wickless lamp. The latter
was tested and an explosion followed.
The lamp and application went to
pieces together.
But the queerest of queer departures
in this enlightened age is that taken by
an eccentric resident of Ohio. who in
vented an equally eccentric boat on
eccentric ideas. The boat was to be
so constructed as to roll over the wa
ters in the fashion of log or wheel.
This strange craft was to be propelled
by the wind striking on suitable
blades standing out from the radii
of the hull. The Ohioan failed to
state in his specifications how the
crew Of the boat would dispose of
themselves during the revolutions of
the body on the surface of the deep,
and the examiners sent his application
higher than a balloon.
Then comes along a certain man
named Knox bona fide citizen of a
southern state. who has not apparently
proited by the example of the Ameri-
can who tried to catch sunshine some
years ago. This modern mortal has
constructed a conundrum which he
alleges will effectually capture the
heat from old Sol, and retain the same
for later use. This philosophical won
der is in the hands of the originator's
attorney, and has not as yet made
its appearance in the interior depart
ment, where it will be practically
tested, and then, in all probability, it
will find a deep grave under the de-
partment foundations.
Another late application is that of
James Geary, who claims he can capture
and store atmospheric electricity dur
ing a thunder storm for home con
sumption.