davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
He Had to Go.

We were about 20 miles to the northeast
OF Santa he when we met man driving
span of mules attachc:. to a light wagon.
He was rough looking chap and his mules
had been hard pushed, but he halted rs he
reached the mead of the train and If we
had entertained any suspicious they were
soon dispelled by his statement. He got
down and pulled il tombstone ont of the
back end OF the wagon and said:
You passed my cabin back thar at Blue
JAY creek, about seven miles from here.
Bin Twin thar with the cd woman lur the
last 10 years. She died about two weeks
ago"
And what about this tombstone:"
WAL, wanted one fur her grave, and
went up To Santa 'c TO look around Got
this one of Il chap Tor 81
But, man. this won't answer for your
wifc's grave. The Inscription reads, Sacred!
to the memory of Jim Whalcn who was
shot Dee II, 1850, by Jack Henry"
Does it read that way"
"Of course Can't you readg"
Not Il line"
Whoever sold you this stone took adj
vantage of you and ought to be punished. e"
'Waal, now to he honest about it," said
the man as he returned the stone to the
wagon, nobody didn't sell it to me- stole
it out OF the graveyard myself 1t was Il
likely lookin stun, and SO | loaded her up
and put the mules on the run. ! felt as if
the old woman ortcr have sunthin TO mark
her grave, and wasn't able to come down
with the cash.
And what will you do with it?'
Take her home and set her up. She's
got to 90 | can't afford to lose three DAYS
time over this job. l don't keer so much
about names ana dates and perticklers,
but I'm after sun,hin to sorter top dress
and ornament the old gals last restin place.
It'll do first rate. and ii any of 'em up thar
seem to be ookin fur the man who stole Il
gravestun, don't let on that you met the
bereaved on this ere trail" NJ QUAD.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15

ness as usual. AS a community we are
peaceful and law abiding, but we have
our idioms. One Of them is to do bust
ness on the square. When n concern in
this town goes up the spout, the boys
feel that it is their inherent right to
look around for assets and liabilities.
There has got to be an eternal fitness of
things, or some one is sure TO get hurt. THE
KICKER assures its readers that the Cascade
bank rs perfectly sound and deserving of
confidence, and now that its officials
thoroughly understand the situation they
will probably issue a daily statement and
esteem it an act of courtesy if dozen or SO
of our people will drop in and LOAF around
during business hours
THE WORLDS FAIR-Our valued CORE
spondcnt at Chicago has been released from
the bastilc into which he was plunged two
weeks ago for exercising that freedom of
speech guaranteed by the sacred constitu,
ton and now writes as follows:
II had ride on n gondoa the other even
ing. of course all our folks know what n
gondola Is, but it may be just rs well to ex-
plain that she is neither broncho, cayuse
nor mule. She doesn't buck nor run away
She's boat-a sort of cross between wag-
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15

on box and man-of-war. The Teller who
bossed the outfit appeared to object to my
style at first, but lassoed his critter and
brought her up the bank and jumped in.
A gondola neither gallops, lopes nor trots.
She simply glides. The Teller from Venice
works her along with an oar, and the pas
sengers just sit there and chaw and smoke
and play seven up aud imagine they've got
the herd Quietcd down for the night and
no rain i'll sight The one who worked our
gondola kept his eyes shut most of the
time, but he didn't fool mo any. l know n
Venetian blind when l see one, and Pm
satisfied the critter was only making be-
lieve. AS we slid from point to point
through the silvery softness of the sum-
mer's night my soul ramblcd out upon un-
known grazing grounds and got separated
from the bunch. She was suddenly lassoed
and brought back by n voice saying:
"'Durn my hide, but this beats gon down
the Laramie river straddle of log durin
June riser
II knew who it was the minute he spoke
He was cuss from Wyoming without any
poetry in his soul, and he had no more bust
hess in that gondola than n grizzly bear has
at u Sunday school picnic. was going to
throw him overheard for spelling the voy-
age, but he said he had come to Chicago to
buy three miles of barbed wire fencing and
had dropped into the show thinking it was
circus, and SO we put in and threw him
on the bank. It's n heap O cheek for n rep
tile who don't know whether Venice is in
Vermont or South Carolina and who never
saw Venetian blind nor gondola in all
his life before, to jump in and try to make
himself at home, but that's the way with
most o. those Wyoming critters. After we
got rid of the unpoetic, uneducated and UNI
sympathetic galoot we glid and wobbed
and wriggled our way over the still waters
of the roaring deep, and such was the deep
silence that fell upon us that | plainly
heard the gondolier bust n suspender us he
let go and got Il better hold. We went
somewhere and back for quarter, and
when the pale moon slowly disappeared
from sight we got ont and took drink
and kicked the cramp out of our legs. We
felt for the first time in our life that a crit
ter who will ride his horse into Il saloon
and begin shooting the necks off the bottles
without any previous provocation has no
right in the society of true gentlemen"
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
THE CASE OF MR.. sTEBglNs.
He Didn't Want to he "A Victim of Per-
colated Calamity.

He Didn't Want to BE Victim of Per-
colated Calamity.
A colored man, driving woe begone OK
In the thils of an old cart on which was
loaded n quarter of cord of freshly cut
wood, turned the corner and was approach
ing the railroad tracks and the depot when
the young negro who was filing the water
cooler and sweeping out the waiting room
caught sight of him and smotioned for him
to stop. The man with the cart pulled on
the rope lines and brought his OK to a halt
and asked:
Boy, what yo' dun tellin me to stop
furt"
"l'ze dun telln yo' kase i re obleeged to,
answered the boy. PIE dun telln yo'
kase doan' want to perceive an awful ca.
lamity on dem railrode tracks Mistah
Stebbins, kin yo' read dat sign up dar?"
What l got to do wild dat sign?" de.
manded the old man in an indignant voice.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
Correct PnrSlnr.

What part of speech is kiss9" asked a
teacher at Nassar college
y conjunction" replied one of the smart
girls.
Wrong" said the teacher severely; next
girl"
"A noun," put III demure maiden.
What kind of noun" continued the
preceptress
"Well-er-it is both common and prop
er." answered the shy girl, and she was pro.
NOTED to the head of her class.-Vogue.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
ICopyright, lsea. by charles B. Lewis.l

Nhell, ! get dis letter last night Shake
writes to INC:
Kind iadder, my interest vhas growing
deeper all der time. vhas in dot three
card monte department today und lose ten
dollar more. ermoncy vhas nottings COM
pared to dot progress of civilization. 1t
vhas shust as if | travel two years in Eu-
rope. Please send her to me ut once, und
subscribe myself your loving son
Sergeant sent dot money, but doan'
feel all right about her. Was YOU in dot
department When you vhas ut der fair?''
well, no; but is that II telegram YOU
have there"
Yes, it vhas a telegram from Shake
got it about two hours ago und dats Why
I come down. She says;
Der progress of civilization continues
to astound me. goes by dot old slcdge de-
partmcnt yesterday und left all my money
on der table. When goes back, she vhas
gone. lvhas, as cafer, your only son. Please
send me twenty dollar
Sergeant, did you see dot department?
Did you leave your money OH II table und
go off und let somcpody gobblc her oopI
Please explain all about dot Worlds fair to
me-"
The sergeant proceeded to give Mr.. Dun
der number of pointers, some of which
We're illustrated with playing cards and
O0iti lIOiil ljIlSollclS ana pre-
served as relics, and when he had finished
his caller observed:
$50 dot vhas it, ell? Dot loving son OF
mine he goes aboudt und finds some ncw
departments for his dear faddcr He be
liefs l don't know dot gondola department
from der keno department, does he? Nhell.
you shust wait doan send him any more
money. In three or four days he come
home Shust rs qucek as he secs me he be-
gins aboubt dot wonderful progress of civil
lization in der 10 cent prize package depart
ment, but all of a suddcn"-
Don't be unnecessarily harsh" advised
the sergeant.
"Oh, no. simply show my loving und
dutiful son Shake dot / hat some depart
mcnt myself. It vhas called der thrashing
machine department-und When he comes
to sec how der progress of civilization has
improved dot machinery in 200 years he
vhas made so tired und astonishcd dot it
vhas better dan four years Of travel in E,l-
ropei Sergeant, / vhas moocb obliged
Keep quiet; dcre vhas some hens on. If
you vhas DOT my way in about four days,
stop in. | like to show you how der prog
ress of civilization continues to astound
eafer your loving and truthful son, Shake
Dunder!'
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15

boy, doan' yo' dun prance around wild me.
or I'll make yo sorryi'
"Mistah Stebbins, kin yo' read dat signa"
persisted the boy.
"Of co'se kin? Does yo' reckon 1 doan'
know nufliny OATS de way wild desc young
upstarts-dey's gittin too fresh!"
"Mistah Stebbins. what does dat sign
say?"
What it says: Boy, doan' yo' try to be
too smart. | kin read dat sign mile
away. Ho' jest tend to yo'r bizness, or I'll
make trubble fur yo'l'
"All right Mistah Stebbins, all right If
yo' kin read dat sign, hev muffin furder 70
say. II yo' want to participate tragedy
no one kin blame me-"
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
The Editor Takes n Hand In the Affairs of
u Lending Financial Institutions

Leading Financial Institution.
IT DIDN'T FAIL.-On Tuesday of this
week there were rumors around town that
our local bank was on the eve of closing its
doors. 1t is an institution which began
business here three years ago and has en-
joyed the full confidence of the public from
the very start. 1t is needless to observe that
banking business in the great and glorious
west differs considerably from banking
business in the contracted and effete east
The boys rather left the matter in our
hands, and our first move was to picket all
the roads Leading out of town, with orders
to capture any bank official dead or alive
who should attempt to skip We then sta
toned man in the alley in rear of the bank
and another in front of the house of the
president. Then, taking five eminent citi-
zens with us, we called at the bank and
asked for n statement. The genial presi-
dent at first informed us that the liabilities
were $50, 900 and the assets only 81, 1000, and
that failure was certain, but Il few minutes
conversation changed everything about
His second statement showed assets nj. SlS-
coo and liabilities nothing. We personally
assisted TO count the money and figure up
the collateral and when this task had been
completed the genial president decided
not to announce suspension. We have
over $1,000 on deposit, but are not in the
least anxious. Not one of the people con.
nectcd with the bank can get ont of this
town without flying through the air. If
there is any suspension under present as
sets and liabilities. the president and cash.
Ter will be promptly lynchcd and the score
tary ordered TO 20 ahead and open for bust
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15

"Heah, boy, what's de mattah wild yo'?"
called the old man after taking long
sQuint ut the sign. Il kin read dat sign
when hev my glasses, but | dun forgot
'em dis mawnin. | reckon yo' had better
splain it to me-"
names" replied the boy as he halted 10 feet
away.
Shoe! | was Jest talkin.''
And, Mistah Stcbbins, yo' said yo' could
dun read dat sign"
Reckon l could if it was cl'ar day.
Reckon yo'd better read it fur me this
once"
"NIistah Stebbins," said the boy as he
stood his broom up against the building
and led the old man closer to the sign, dat
sign reads Danger Dat means yo doan'
want to lose no time gittin on to dat cart
an gittin dat outfit across de tracks, an yo'
doan' want to stop on de odder side While
doan' spcct no train long heah fur half
all hour dar' may be spcshual on de road
which will arrovc any mint, an if dat spe-
shual should happen to come up jest as yo'
was crossin dc tracks it am needless to dis
remark dat would be de pusson selected
to walk ober to yo'r house an say to yo'r
widder:
'Alissus Stebbins, dat ole man o. yo'rs
won't pass de contribushun box in church
no mo-, kase he was hit by de bullgine on
de spcshual an elongated into eternity at d
minit's notis!"
"Shoo" exclaimed the old man rs he
made for his cart. boy, reckon yo' am
right bout signs and things. He-up, heah
yo' ole laziness! Now, den, yo' hump yo'r-
self ober dat railrode wild dis cart an git q
mile away befo' yo stop to breathe, fur if
any calamity am to be dun percolated !
doan' want to be one of de wictimsl''
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
WIint 1t Was.

Isn't it rainingt" said Mrs Hicks as she
and her husband sat III the parlor OF their
little seaside cottage the other night
"Oh, no; it's bright starlight"
But what is that pattcring | hear at the
windows"
That, my dear, is the mosquitoes bang
ing their noses against the wire screens"-
Harpers Bazaar.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
CITY DIRECTORY.
ofthe Principal Business Houses
of'Roanoke, Va.

The following is published daily for
the benefit of strangers and the public
generally. 1t includes all trades and
professions and cannot fail to prove of
interest to all who intend transacting
business in Roanoke:
PLUMBING.
ROANOKE Ix SANITARY PLUMBING COM
BOOTS, SHOES, TRUNKS, ETC.
BOwDRE SHOE CO., no South Jefrcrson st.
FURNITURE, CARPETS, ETC.
Z. Ii. STEWART FURNITURE CO.
WM f. BAKER CARPET co.
REAL ESTATE.
j. F. WINGFIELD.
BUILDERS AND CONTRACTORS.
FL. AMwEG, Terry Building.
ARCHITECTS.
CHAS. C.;wILSoN, Commercial Bank Building.
GROCERs.
c. X. wERTZ, Commerce Street.
DRY GOODS.
HEIRONIMUS IL BRUGH Commerce street
ROSENBAUM BROS, Salem Avenue.
CLOTHIERs AND GENTS FURNIsHERs
X. IL S., Salem Avenue
DUGGAN IL SAUL En-, Jefferson Street.
PIANOS ORGANS.
HOBBlEEMUSIC co.
HOTELS.
HOTEL LEE, EUROPEAN, Commerce Street.
HOTEL ALEXANDRIA, Chicago.
PRINfYNGtAND BOOK BINDING.
STONE PRINTING CO., Opposite Hotel Roa.
noke
ROOFING AND METAL CORNICES
ROANOKE ROOFING AND METAL CORNICK
COMPANY.
IRON WORKS.
CUSHMAN IRON COMPANY.
MARBLE WORKS.
JARRETT ~ BROWN, Camp ell Avenue.
-e>-@
DRUGGISTS
MASS1E " MARTIN, Commerce Street
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15

Agent-Can sell you little continuance
TO keep your neckte down behindi
Banger-You mighs last week but
don't need it now.
Agent-Have you found something bet
Ger?
Banger-You bet I've Just become en-
gagged Truth
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
Self Sacrificing,

Magistrate Ito prisoner were caught
in the act of opening a bedroom window
Prisoner-Ics. your worship | believe
in hygiene, and was only going to open
the window an inch or two for the benefit
of the occupants health. It's frightfully
unhealthy to sleep with your bedroom win.
dow completely shut up. your worship. :
Tit -Rits
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15


and Notes with Admiration tho Progress
of tho World and Calls on tho Governor
For More Cash.
copyright, 1893, by Charles B. Lewis.l
Sergeant, like to speak NIT you about
my son Shake" said Mr.. Dunder as he en-
tered the station house the other day with
look of trouble on his usually placid
countenance.
Very we'll. Go ahead" replied the fat
policeman rs he looked up from his reports.
''Shake he goes by dat Worlds fair in
Sheecago. 1 doan' like him to go, but
hebbe it vhas all right. gift him feefty
dollar, und he says dot vhas plenty, und
when he comes home it vas shust der same
rs if he goes all oafer der world Shake
vhas good boy, und like him to hat q
good time. Here vhas letter he writes
me. und doan' make her quite oudt. He
Says
~ goes by der poker department und
lose so, und hope you Will send her to
me right away
Sergeant, vhas dere some pokers on ex-
hibition mt dot fair
II shouldn't WONDER
"Vhell, send Shake der money, und it
wasn't three days before he writes me
again. Dis vhas der letter, ind he says:
rauuer, 1 WAS VERY sorry TO trouble
you, but goes by dot faro department und
drop a ten dollar bill. l like you to send
him on, und vhas your dutiful son, Shake
Dunder'
Sergeant, can't make her oudt about
dot faro. Was he machinery"
Not n great deal machinery" dryly
replied the officer. did you send the
money!"
ooh, yes, but wrote Shake dot if he
drops some money he must pick her oop
again. Fife days ago get dis letter from
him. He calls me dear fadder, und says lie
he vhas well, und adds:
" i goes by dot keno department today
to witness der progress of two centuries.
She vhns wonderful. My hair sthand oop.
I put down ten dollar, ind she vhas gone
in feefteen minutes. vhas always your
loving son. Please send her to me- 1t vhas
shust rs good to me ash if make a trip
to Europe
Sergeant, can't make oudt about dat
keno Who vhas she; If somebody take
Shakes money, why don't he make "A fuss
und call in der poice?"
what else:" asked the sergeant as
grin spread over his face
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
Buried In u I,lue Coffin.

Some - years ago Wigan lady of ad-
vanced age expressed a wish that when
she died her remains should be buried in
a blue coffin. She ordered the article at
that tir9e, and in spite of the efforts of
her friends to induce her to give up this
strange idea she persisted in it. and
when she died short time ago the
order was actually carried out by local
observation-disclosures Tit-Bits.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
All Onc Way.

Gaswell-Tm di>gus.ed With young Mr..
Van Braam.
Dukane-Why?
He does nothing but ilirt with the girls"
Then you don't like to see mans eff
forts all miss-drected. '-Pittsburg Chron.
Ale-Telcgraph
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
Among Friends.

Willis-Brown says he has 4 horse for
sale.
Wallace-I don't doubt it. sold him
one the other day.-Lile.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
a Sure Test,

Lady, bought these diamonds here last
week for 800. What will you take them
back for?
Jewclcr-I'll give you 500 for them.
Lady-Thanks. That's all wanted to
know If jeweler offers to pay back half
as much as diamonds cost. that is a sure
test that they are genuine Texas S!ftings.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
Dicks Pen.

GLOW does Dick Swiveller manage to
live?"
He supports himself with his PEN"
81 didn't know that he was n literary
man"
"He isn't. He writes begging letters
D his ather."-Texas Siftings.
The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-10-15
SHAKE AT THE FAIR.
CARL DuNDER's pUTlFuL SON HAS A
GREAT TIME.

He Secs All the Wonders OF Civilization.
and Notes With Admiration tho Progress
of tho World and Calls on tho Governor
For More Cash.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-08-03
WORLDS FAIR NOTES.

THE worlds fair has two miles of
lunch counters
SOME young men of Bordentown, N
j., have devised clever plan for visit
ing the worlds fair They have hired
a freight car, fitted it with twelve
hunks, a cook stove and a well-stocked
larder, and will go to Chicago at an
expense Of about ten dollars apiece.
AMONG the relics to be found in the
woman's section of the Illinois build
ing at the worlds fair is a Muzio
Clement piano nearly two hundred
years old, and, SO far as known, there
is but one like it in the United States,
and that is at Mt. Vernon, the home of
Washington.
THE Merchant Tailors' building on
the worlds fair grounds is a unique
and beautiful structure. an almost
perfect imitation of small Greek tenn
pie. Within, on eight large panels.
are skillfully illustrated modes of
dressing from the time when fg-leaves
were the only dress fabrics in use until
the present day.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-08-03
che allu eagle ghursday orn,e Anoust s. 1885
,nly source left to the people for an in

only source left to the people for an in
crease of the volume.
Who are the parties who are thus
clamoring for repeal of the Sherman
law Why, it is few money manipua-
tors in the east who want only a single
gold standard and few owners OF silver
mines in the west who want "a silver
standard which has OILY about half the
value of the gold standard. The Sher-
man law offers the only means possible
by which both gold and silver can he
kept in circulation and at par with each
other as money, end if that act is re-
pealed and the free and unlimited coin
age Of silver adopted. the bankruptcies and
business depression that has now taken
Will be but gentle summer breeze
when compared to the terrific cyclone
that VIII follow the change.
As your editorial says, "the country
must have system-some system-that
will supply steady increase to the
volume of its currency commensurate
with the increase of population, and the
expansion of business. Whatever will
do this to the best advantage is what
the country"
The Sherman silver purchase act
amended as indicated in my article in
your issue of july 20 Will do this, and
do it successfully. 1t Is the total
destruction of confidence due to Cieve-
lands election, not the want of money,
that has brought the hard times.
DR.. E. P. MILLER.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-08-03
a THOUSAND MILES HIGH.

One thing is as certain as that the
flower once blown forever dies, and that
is the Democratic party has weakened
on its free trade claims and ideas. Mr.
Cieyeland's ''object lesson has shown
the Democratic party that their Chicago
platform is a platform of deceit and lies.
Free trade may mean cheapnesa, but it
cost nothing, and that thing which is
without cost is worthless, water and air
excepted. Republican protection costs,
and III some directions come high, but
its cost is as nothing to the value Of its
bene fits. There is TO Democrat so thick
headed as not to understand that pro-
lection simply means a bar against all
foreign things In the interest of all home
things, and that if America was sur
rounded with wall thousand miles
high, shutting off everything from the
balance Of the world, including the peo-
pie and capital of all other countries,
America thus left to her own unlimited
resources would, within a generation,
become SO fabulously rich as to beggar
Rome OF Greece in their palmiest days.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1893-08-03
STRANGE AND QUEER.

North DAKOTA boasts of winged
calf
a FARMER IN Cromwell, Conn, must
be great liar or his hen is a great
layer. He asserts that he has a hen
which beats the record-lays five eggs
in two days.
MANIFESTATIONS of nervousness are
queer sometimes. One man has kinks
in his right leg, another wrinkles his
nose spasmodically, another pulls the
corners of his mouth into q fierce grin,
and another winks rapidly.
a CYCLONE lifted a large sheet Of
water from Portage lake, Mich, and
carried it high in the air and half a
mile inland, where it broke. In the
space of a mile the ground was COW
cred with fish of various sizes.
THE ''whistling well" at Tacoma,
Wash, has resumed operations after a
silence of two years. Previous to
every storm the well, it is said, pro-
duces kind of whistling noise, fore
ing out air of a gaseous nature.
DEVILS mountain north of Mon
treal, known to biologists as the
Trembling mountain" is gradually
sinking into the earth's crust, the
trembling" "quaking," "groans" and
'noises" reported being the result.