Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-01-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Wnen sne lS extOlied.-
Lantern jawed people can't always
throw light on subject.-Sparks.
The man that is buried in debt should
of course wear grave clothes. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
There are men such sticklers for the
truth that they never indulge in self
denial.-Boston Transcript.
"Here's another case of kid mapping"
said the messenger boy who found
comrade asleep. Washington Star.
81 hear you didn't catch any fish, Mss
Emerson, yesterday" ''No, Mr..
Bleecker, they did not seem to be con-
tagious. Town Topics.
Dashaway-"Wbat do you think of
my new pepper-and-salt suts" Jagway
-"It makes me thirsty to look at it."
-CIothier and Furnisher.
The speed of railway trains is better
brought to point where even people on
bridal tours regard the tunnel as nuis-
>nce.-Washington Star.
''The survival of the fittest,"
Is q phrase that's rather rude
~ suggests CndC Cn6 CnrySanCne-
Mum will one day wear the dude.
Washington Star.
Caller-"What are you looking
through that big pile of comic papers
fora" Exchange Editor with sigh of
disappointmenD- D-"For fun. Chicago
Tribune.
Publisher-sIs your novel realisticf"
Author-''It is. The hero and the
heroine get married in the first chapter
and are happy ever afterward. New
York Herald.
"Say, Job, havo just patented new
invention" "What is it2" IA chair
that will sink to within a few inches of
the floor when a woman who wears a tall
hat sits upon it,
Tailor--"Is the Ladies' Sewing So
ciety doing its usual kind of work2"
Hostess --"Indeed. One-half the men,
bers are not on speaking terms with the
other half now.''-Chicago Intsr-Oceau.
"These are hard times" sighed the
young collector of bills. EVERY place
1 went to-day l was requested to call
again but one, and that was when l
dropped in to see my girl."-Texas
Siftings.
His Parting Shot: He-"But
couldn't you learn to love me, Idaa"
She-'I don't think l could. George"
He (reaching for his ,haD-'It is as l
feared! You are too old to learn"-
Chicago Tribune.
Murray Brown-"Aren't you posi-
lively ashamed to meet your creditors,
Madison7' Madison Gall-'I don't
meet them. Do you suppose l would
associate with such people!"-Kate
Fields Washington.
Mabel TO Frank, who has had to take
Miss Weighty for row)--"Well,
Frank, how did you like herf" Frank
(wearily) = ''I wasn't particularly
pleased, but she made great impression
on the water. Harvard Lampoon.
Mr.. Bronson-"Did you have an in
teresting subject presented for your con-
sideration this morning at church2"
Mrs. Bronson-ssVery. But couldn't
make out whether the lace trimmings
were real or imitation. Chicago
News.
A dilapidated-lo looking individual who
was among the unfortunates at the Cen
trail Police Court yesterday, when asked
by the Judge what he was, replied:
"Well, yer Honor, I'm a gentleman,
but I'm not workin' at it now."-Phila-
delphia Record.
Madge-"Poor Mr.. Bentley was just
taken home ir a carriage; he had a
dreadful shock" Arthur-sWhat was
it2" Madge-.'His wife made an ap-
pointment to meet him at certnin hour.
and she was there right on the min ite."
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Dell-"Come on and we'll have real
good d-fashioned dinner after our
shopping trip" Nell-"Yes; SUBJ
stantIal meal rests me so." DELI
"Waiter, bring plate of macaroons and
some very sour pickles, and-let me
see-yes, a pound of caramels. Inter
Ocean.
What simple people there are in the
world, to be surel There are the Plane,
leys. for example. They went into an
auction room the other day and sat
spelbound for two hours. They thought
it was an elocutionary entertainment,
and they allowed it was the best they
had ever heard, aud they had listened
to some of the best elocutionists in the
cifv Rnston Transcrint