The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-01-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

gOLIL0QUY OF BELATED HUSBAND.
My heart used to throb when went out to |
On May. the most charming of misses,
For knew she was waiting for me IN the nan
Ny heart it is throbbing much faster tonight, |
But it is notwith Joy palpitating.
For know on the stairs in her nightroDe OF
with the poker for me she is waiting;
Man wants but little here below"
As some wise one has said it,
Nor wants that little long," Just 30,
Indianapolis Journal.
What the solar system needs now is
good stringent law for the punish
ment of vagrancy.-Ko'asGs CITY Star.
Large muffs will be the style this
winter, following the baseball fashion
of the summer.-Indsarsapotts Ne'os.
Count Allow long do you intend
to remain in MonacoP Count B.-A
period of about 30,00 marks.-Flie-
ge'ade Blaetter.
No pawnbroker will undertake to
guard young men from reckless dissi-
patton, but he'll keep watch for them.
Philadelphia Times.
"What's that noise up-stairsp" "Nel-
lie is singing to kill time till her beau
comes" @Well, time seems to die
hard, doesn't itP"-M z. Press.
@Mudge is great admirer of foot
ball. he saws" Indeed he is. Why,
he never opens jackpot other than
with V."-I,sdiassdpolis Journal
@IgnerntP" said old Mr.. Jason, speak
ing Of neighbor. "W'y, that man
don't know as much as a-as a-as q
Ta<J mi
Rounder-Shay, can you show me
were / live? Policeman-But don't
know you. Rounder-Thash awri'!
My wife will introdoosh you.-Puck.
",The first thing must do" said the
escaped convict, "is to get another
suit They will judge a man by his
clothes in this world. - Washington
Star.
@Papa," asked the small boy, what
is dignity?" Dignity, my son." re-
Piled the father. Consists principally
of a tall hat and frock coat. t."-Buf fGIo
EGpress.
Burglar-Let me ask you one ques-
tionP OGicer-Certainly. Burglar
Do you know if your gun is loadedp
Oficer-No. Burglar-Then for Gods
sake don't shoot.-Detroit Tribune.
aMr. Scruggins was very affable
when called on him." "You must
have struck a tender chord" "No; I
paid bill" "That's what meant; a
legal tender chord. - Washington Star.
She-So a sinecure is position in
which person gets the salary another
earnsP He-Precisely, my love. She
That's the kind of job want. He
You have it, dearest--Detr0it ITib-
uae.
Primus-You drink too much.
Aren't you afraid you may transmit q
craving for liquor to your children?
Secundus-Yes, and you see I don't
want to transmit it unsatisfed. .--Ltte's
Calendar.
Attorney want the truth, the
whole truth, and nothing but the
truth. Witness (testily)-Well, you
shall have it, but you don't want to be
talking to me IS if were lawyer
Detroit Free Press.
Harold went to school this morn
ing for the first time. Visitor-Real-
ly? Well, we'll And what do you
know now that you didn't know be-
fore? Harold-Twice two is eight
Harper's Yoasssg People.
Goodness me, Wallace" cried his
uncle, "you are getting to be a big
fellow. Nearly eight now, aren't
youP" @Guess so," said Wallace;
papa says I'm worse than dozen.
-Harper's Young People.
Kate-Ah, Laura, you don't know
what you miss by not coming ia
dance. Laura-Don't Ip I've had
i've proposals already this season
through sitting out dances in the con-
servatory.-FMnny Folks.
"The great problem that I have to
deal WITH" said the keeper of the inn
beetle asylum, sis to find some occu-
patton for the people under my
charge" @Why not set them to in
venting college yells?" asked the vis-
itor.-Bufalo E1press.
In the Near Future-Old Friend
And SO both of your children are
studying professionsp Hostess-Ye es,
my daughter is in a polytechnic col
lege studying mechanical engineering
and my son is in Paris learning dress
making.-N. r Weekly.
Charlie (sadly)-Since you've been
married. Tom, you never ask me to
break bread with you." Tom-There's
good reason for it. old fellow. You
couldn't break the bread we have at
our house; you couldn't do more than
bend it.-Detroit Free Press.
Jennie" said he, 81 shall go to your
father and ask his consent at once. :"
@Wait. George. Don't be impatient, :"
said Jennie. "Wait until after the 1st,
when my dressmaker's bill comes in.
He will be more willing to part with
me then. ."--Hagper's BGzar.
Hoffman Howes-What is the most
deucedly embarrassing thing you can
think of, deah boyP Howell Gibbon-
The most deucedly embarrassing? A
wah between England and Amewica
and call faw twoops by Wales and
Wussen Hawison at one and the same
time.-PUck.
81 understand you are a hereto,
said the bishop to one of his ministers.
ais the report true?" 81 demand a
trial" replied the minister. "But, my
dear brother, l don't expect to live
more than thirty years more and
would like to know before [ die."-
Buffalo Express.
Doctor-Troubled with sleepless-
ness, ehP Eat something before going
to bed. Patient-Why, doctor, you
once told me never to eat anything
before going to bed. Doctor with
dignity madam, was in 1889.
Science has made great strides since
then.-IEd-Bits.
Collector have called six times
for the amount that is due from you,
and have never been able to get it.
X.-Dear me! dear me! How sorry
am that you should have been put to
SO much trouble! Now, I'll tell you
what I'll do. When feel like paying
the amount I'll call on you.-F4nny
Folks.
"Hum," said Mr.. Moggridge, "I see
they are talking of sending woman
to the senate from Kansas. Now, how
would you like to go to the senate,
Mary?" "Oh, not particularly" re-