Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-06-15
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many ODE, Curious, and LauGhablS
Phases OF Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed BY Eminent Word Artists %
Our Own Day.
wads OF waydown wit.

to tell catchy yarns Troy Telegram
HEIR RAISING INTELLIGENCE -
"Trlplets at your house. boston
Courier.
JAdsoN says it is astonishing how
bad most good fellows arc. -Elmira
Gazette.
WITH the expert tailor taking ones
measure Is largely matter OF form
Troy Press.
"I'vE got the drop on you," said the
ink-bottle to the new carpet
Rochester Chronicle,
ALL work and no play makes the
girl with piano popular next door.
-Blnghamton Leader,
1T is a strong boarder who can eat
three plates of hash without turning
a hair. Boston Courier.
Too MANY bright young men try to
make their conversation spicy with
cloves. Galveston News,
A GUN Is quite human in one re-
spect. 1t generally kicks when it is
discharged. Rochester Democrat.
No CHANGES made in the postoffice
will ever make some males more regu-
lar than they are now, Philadelphia
Times.
EVERY man "has his influence"
but sometimes has a hard time to find
1t when he is in a hurry.-Cleveland
Plaipdealer.
ONE Of the poets says we tan'V live
without cooks and many ladies say
they can't live with them, -Phila-
delphia Times.
THE fellow who bet on a popular
oarsman and got stuck says there's
always thorn to the rows.-Blng-
hamton Leader.
THAT a talent for money-making
isn't always a good thing many an i'm
prisoned counterfeiter can testify
Buffalo Courier
al WILL now attend to this writ Of
attachment, said the young lawyer
who was composing a love letter.
Washington Star.
PREVENTING locomotives smoking
in the city streets doesn't imply try
ing to stop their "chew-chewing. -
Philadelphia Times
CADBY-rd like to marry Miss
Richie on one account Fadby-What
is that? Cadby-Her bank account.
Harvard Lampoon.
WIEN it comes to dime museum
attractions the fat woman can put
the living skeleton in the shade every
day. Elmira Gazette.
DID the term "WOolly West" orig
mate in the unpleasant fact that
many an investor has been feeced
there?-Lowell Courier.
CAPTAIN, why do they distribute
liquor to sailors on shipboard? well,
you know, every Jack should have his
gill."-Philadelphia Record
MISS RIcKETTs-Why don't you
marry Mr.. Mum? Are your parents
opposed to it? Miss Glddy-No, but
Mr.. Mum seems to be.--Vogue.
SOONER THAN EXPECTED. Tom
Bigbee-When does your marriage
with Miss Goldbug come off? Hof-
man Howse-It's off now.-Puck.
"YoU are the world to me-" he
whispered. "All right" she an
swered, "You can be the sun. Pm
going to marry your father. Chips.
"a LITTLE change of heir" re-
marked the old man as he altered
his will, cutting off his nephew in
favor of his typewriter. Philadelphia
Record.
AT Chicago ball: Porker-Sir,
what do you mean by walking over
that lady's foot? New Yorker
Thunderation, man, do you think
I've got wings?
PRECEPToR-Of course you want to
go to heaven, Willie? Willie-I
should say not. / amt enough stuck
on pulling off grandpa's boots for
that. detroit Tribune.
LITTLE BoY-The hens out West
must be awful little Mamma
so? Little Boy-Uncle John says
he's seen hail-stones there as large as
hens eggs Good News.
In spite of the fact that indelible
ink has been found in banana juice,
every one who steps on the peel is
inclined to do considerable remark
ing. -Chicago Inter Ocean.
It's big job to lick the Colum-
bian stamps, but this country can do
it. 1t was bigger job to lick King
Georges stamps in the revolution,
but still we got there Philadelphia
Times.
81 WANT" said the astronomer,
ian inscription for my new telescope
which shall be in the nature of an
address to the stars" "How would
Here's looking at YOU do?"-Buffalo
Express.
allow SHALL l enter the money
the cashier skipped WITH" asked
the bookkeeper. "Under the profit
and loss?" mo; suppose you put it
under running expenses. Society
Journal.
SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE. -Sambo-
"Whar you get dat chickenP" Mark
/ 4 ~. 4