The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1893-03-26


beacon-liRht looming above drear. dank.
dolofous isles. In q few days more I'M
~iong-Rbuscd cutiole Will peel from this Ut,
tc nose in tenacious swirls and curis. and
tho rude customs inspectors will pronounce
her an H'American h'objeck."
A voluble lady sitting in her deck chair
and undergoing the prsmonitory Qualms OF
NAL de mer, remarks to the unhappy otour
about her: rs
"If I get as sea aick like the rest Of these
people, ! shall just give mp my reason al
together. go I SHALL"
Whereupon a bluff old party avaksns
from his stnpor long enough to retort spite.
fully:
Judging from my own experience. you
will give up far moro than that, madame!'
On tho othor side Of the ropes, whsrO the
steerage passenge are herded like cattle,
you will SEQ them walking the deck as if at
wager. with occasional guick recourse to
the side rail for relief. They are mmeas'
ureably brighter. SUMMER and lighter
hearted in their misery than the more COM
Portable cabin passengers. While they are
pounding oheerily about deck yon may ap-
proach and alphabetically accosb an emil
grant with. ..
We'll, my boy. how do you find yourself
thism morning 7"
"Me health's nl right. yer honor Ga
plunge to the side-raiD, is the sturdy re-
joinder. Then, with a twinkle III his blood
shot eyes, 'but, faith. me tickets steer
age ~
The ocean liner is never without its ferret,
who Is sometimes a divinity student,
"broadening his range of observation and
study" frequently the young reporter hon
estly DESTROYS of acquiring everything pos
sible to be learned on %shipbonrd in six days
effort; and often q female who has broken
loose in sea'ch of a "career." These human
Interrogation POINTS usually have gold
trimmed eyeglasses. invulnsTabla assurance.
and note books which are dawn on victims
with the celebrity of genuine deadly wea-
pons.
They are abroad for information. and
they get it. CornerinR the ships
der on the subject Of eea.siokness, they
find:
Dear sir. or madam. I have followed the
sea for twenty-five years and have put more
in it than l ever took out OF It."
From grim old travellers they learn:
This is my hundred and fortieth pas
sage, sir or madam. Though / have taken
every meal or shipboard, I have frequently
missed them"
Irrepressible they still are when the sea
and the storm pound the waves and the log
upon the distracted passengers while CROSS
ing the Newfoundland banks, and there is
not life enough loft in the objects IN the
deck chairs to quicken even profane rc-
Spouse. IL is then thev espy q solitary be-
ing. on its legs, in blue and gold. away out
forward. They side, slip and slide up to
it. The being proves to be a ships ofhcer
first, second, third, or somewhere along
the line. But it is alive. has hearty Jowls,
a big paunch. and hoping these bespeak
geniality, they timidly address it..
beg pardon. officer. but are these fogs
ALWAYS to be found here on the banker"
The being ia a blue, gold and bronze
! statue for q long, long time. Finally. as
they despair and are about to turn away, ITS
red head suddenly turns quarter round, and
they involuntarily listen for it's click.
Then its cavernous, coral mouth expands
~frightfully while the being roars:
SOW the bloody ELL do Hi know! Hi
doant bide 'eere!
Up in Scotland the Rrimness and quaint
ness of. humor in speech and anscdots.
rather than in rejoinder or situation. ia to
the traveller an endless ripple of sunshine
acpoast the stern features of Scotia's folk
nndtland.
ACT Gfalashiels. of a Sunday morning. I
came upon two lads savaRely %disputing
where their best interests should lead them
to Sunday school. The lesser of the two.a
hard headed little fellow, closed the con-
t~roversy and set the pace with,
Coon ava; COON nwa. It's maiss for
naithing we'll get at the Free kirk!'
I witnessed a fsherman's bride leaving
her old home for the new. at Oban. A
sharp-tongued %neighbor gavs her this
grisiy God-speed: a,
Joan, buck-tooth tho ye are, ye nre
weel busked and kisted (well dressed and
rrovided); but the dell is ma waar-faurd
(uelisr) than tn auld. belk that owns ye!"
The adveat of the doctor when a new
baby arrives in lowly homes-as tho physi-
clan usually brings currant-b annooks. ur
buns. called 'curnie-bannies,' with which
to divert the attention of the children-is a
supreme occasion in child lie experience.
"Hoot" I heard a wes lassie of Edin-
burgh old-town relating to her biG-eye cd
comrudes in the shadows OF T. narrow close.
9TH dochter brocht us a new BARN tn
mornin'! An a muokie guild dochtor he
is" Then after a long and impressive 81.
lence: A be brocht a ournie-bannie-an'
AM a sponge, tae!'
Riding along the Carlisle and Glasgow
road in an old trap driven by n serious
youth named Andrew, the horse SHE'D.
! kicked the dashboard in pieces. sto ,ued
stook-stiil. and turned M looked at An
l drew:
"Puir beastie! puir beastie!'' said An
> drew. Then he dismounted and plucked q
tuft of grass, which he gave to the animal,
with the ruminative remark: Well gie't
a bite o. girse tRIass) y Fit it (the vicious
ness) DOT O. It's held"
i, Any intelligent traveller could fill &
mirthful volume with these quaint sayings
within his own hearing. A orofter who
: pulled me out of a etream into which l hat
unwittingly fallen closed the narration t,
: his friends of his gallant reRcue with: ooh
t ay, l brocht the uncoo Yonkee DER thu
heckle- pins %sairly" A Highland Ruidwif'
. predicted my difficulties in climbing Be1
9 Nevis by remarking. Yell need pit
: stool heart tae TIL sty brae;'' while a cam,
and cynical old bookseller of Perth. whel
. ridiouling me for my limited knowledge o
the Scottish people. gave his own country
j men the exquisite bit of satire of. "Ye'l
Q ne'r rightly ken u Scoatchmon till We keI
him for Il mon that keeps tie Snwhath-
an all else he can lay histwn hands o%oron!'
3 EDGAR l.. NAKEMAN.
Copyright, 1893, by Edgar l.. Wakeman.