The old Abe eagle., 1893-03-23
STORIES BY JUDGE ROWLAND.
They WIN he Found to BE "Equaled by
Few aud Surpassed by None"

teller. He fills his after dinner speeches
with new and exc with old
Here are some samples of his stories:
THE DIGNITARY AND TIE BULL.
Once there was a very important stats
official of California who thought every
body knew him or ought to know him. OnJ
day he was walking through field when a
bull addressed him in an undertone and
made for him with its head down and horns
in position TO raise him. He was n state
official, a man of dignity and political
power and Of natural pomposity
But he ran. He ran surprisingly well.
He ran even better than he did for office,
and he got to the fence first. He clambered
over, out of breath and dignity, and found
the owner of the bull calmly contemplating
the operation.
What do you mean, sill" asked the irate
official, "by having an infuriated animal
like that roaming over the fieldy"
We'll, guess the bull has some right in
the field, " said the farmer.
Right? Do you know who am, sri"
gasped the official.
The farmer shook his head
II am General Blank"
well, why in thunder didn't you tell the
bull"
THE MAN AND THE TOMATO CAN.
A certain mans wife heard him in the
adjoining pantry making explosive re
marks. "What are you doing, my dear"
she asked
swered
What are you opening it WITH" she
asked sweetly.
/ e.,
Did you suppose was opening it with my
teeth"
mo. From the language which you
used thought you were opening it with
prayer"
nigh PRICE FOR CONVICTION.
! Conkling had defended man who was
on trial for arson. He had been convicted
below, and on appeal the conviction was
affirmed and Conkling rendered his bill,
which was questioned by the mans friends
! COnklng was rather new Mt the bar. lie
called upon Mr. O'Conor He said "There
is Johnson, now, whom defended in a
hard fought trial and argued the case on
appeal at the general term. 70 be sure he
was convicted, and the conviction was af
iirmed. But had great deal of trouble,
gave my best services in the matter, and !
only charged him $6G0, and his friends de
cline to pay my bill. Don't you think the
charge is reasonable and fair?"
Mr. O'Conor turned in his chair and said;
well, Conklng, have no doubt that you
did the best you could You had a sevefe
trial. You exercised your best efforts in the
higher court and 5000 is not d large bill,
but have no doubt he could have been
convicted for great deal less money"
THE LORD AND TIE DAISY.
A Sunday school teacher was trying to
impress upon his pupils the care of the
Deity for all living things, great or small,
and, getting to the peroration of his ad-
dress, he said: THE Lord, who made the
mountain made the little blade of grass.
The Lord, who made the ocean, made the
pebble on the shore. The Lord, who made
me, made II daisy"
THE sAGACIoUs coy.
You never can catch Yankee boy. You
never can corner him. a gentleman tray
cling in the country at Stoddard, n II .,
where 1t is all rocks and powders and
abandoned farms-the old farmhouses go
ing to ruin-saw IA boy of twelve or four
teen hoeing in IL cornfield on the side Of
what would be pasture land on anybody
clse's farm. The corn was rather poor
looking. The traveller rcined in his horse
and spoke to the boy. He said to him
Your corn looks rather small"
We'll" said the boy, 1--WE planted dwarf
corn"
well, it looks yellow, poor and thin"
We'll, we planted yellow corn"
well, y said the traveller, II don't mean
that. 1t don't look AS if you would get
more than half Il crop"
"ldon't expect to. planted it on shares
DEMAND FOR QUICK ACTION.
man was working in Il field with two
Of lis sons. One of them was at work l..
one part Of the field and the old man, will
the other, was working down in II marsh
All of Il sudden the youth who had becl
with his father ran up to the other ant
cried Come down and help the old mar
out. He has got mircd in the bog"
How deep is he in;"
UP to his ankles"
"Wcll, there's no hurry"
"les, there is, He's in head first"
AND HE CHOSE DEATH.
\ certain artistic immigrant on arriving
in the hGrbOr of New York saw the statu,
Of Liberty. lleaskod one Of the crew, al
. that the statue Of Liberty
YES, that Is Liberty"
Then give me deathr' and he plungct
overheard
THE POWER or DISCIPLINE.
Thisis historical and illustrates the dcyo
tiOn Of Sheridan to Grant
Sheridan and Grant were travelling on
steamboat together with othcr officer,
Among the passengers WAS a young Eng
lishmau who used 10 take hand at poke
with them The usual limit was lift,
cents. The Englishmnn one day wante,
10 90 ont and light ci"Hr and asked Gen
cral Sheridan to plry his hand while h
was gone. II was four jacks pat. Tn
Englishman when lac returned asked Gen
cI5l Sheridan how il had panncd ont.
"Oh, the general bet me fifty cents" sal,
sheridan "aLd called him and won th
pot
The Enrlishman looked IN anazcment
wei, he said, Il have heard Of militur
discipline but | never heard of II goin
that far
Mr. llowlanl has a knacl Of limiting at
story by giving the point Of one, lcavin
the nearer to iill out the rest Some exam
pies of that follow;
To ccnsorious critics we reply in the Ian
gunye of the old vcrgcr of IT. Mary'S, Ga
ford, who on being congratulated 10y Li
rector on his constant attention 20 dut
replied, II have heard every sermon thu
has been preached from this pulpit for hft
years, and, thank tod, am u Chrisiiu
still"
The commouts mud advice of outsider
are never particularly appreciated, and n
mind one of the toast given ~ n vllap
frcmen's ball by crusty old bachelor
"Our brave ilrcmcn-may they be like ou