Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1893-07-22
FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS.
The Exalted Talent of a Reportorial
Genus was Not Appreciated.

The Exalted Talent of Reportorial
Genus was Not Appreciated.
Now" said the editor of the quo
hoSh GeI1iuS Of Liberty to his reporter,
"in your work shall look for a calm,
dispassionate statement of fact. My
paper is noted for its veracity, and no
exaggeration is allowed on any subject.
Do you think you understand that
clearly?"
Yes, sir.
Then you may attend the Skimgul-
let-Dumsquizzle wedding, which takes
place at noon to-day, and I'll see how
you handle it, said the editor, turning
to his desk
This is what the new reporter handed
in after the festivities were over:
ut is the custom of most newspapers,
IN giving accounts of local weddings,
to speak of the bride as beautiful, even
If she is as ugly as mud fence. The
Ge"j"s Of Liberty scorns such fattery,
however. If q woman is beautiful we
hesitate not to say SO, but il she is not,
1t Is not our fault. We proclaim the
fact. We wish we could say that Miss
Melinda Dumsquizzle, who became
Mrs Dennis Skimgullet at noon to day
was lovely in form and feature, but we
cannot. While we have seen uglier
girls, it must be conceded by all i'm
partial observers that brick dust hair
and multitude of freckles do not look
well on bride. However, she did
the best she could under the circum-
stances in wearing tolerably thick
veil, and rugged out as she was in q
dress of cream satin, looked quite pre-
sentable at distance.
Hardly so much can be said of her
husband. who walked with limp, and
whose sparsely settled chin whiskers of
pale dun color would have improved
his appearance if they had been shaved
Off We ascertained by careful iu-
curry that Skimgullet is old enough to
be his wife's father, and has, in point
of fact committed the ofrense of mat.
rlmony twice before. Some say that
both his former wives were starved to
death; others, that he worked them to
death Which is correct, the Genius
Of Liberty does not pretend to say. The
statements are given for what they may
be worth. What Miss Dumsuuizzle
saw IN HIM to marry is mystery, un-
less she thought she would be more
successful than her predecessors in
getting hold of the money which he is
said to keep buried somewhere on his
farm. We heard it said that her father
owed Skimgullet one hundred and
thirty five dollars, and that the latter
threatened to have him arrested on
charge of forgery if he did not get Me-
linda to marry him; but this statement
has not been verified yet. The pres
ents were not very numerous, and the
most expensive one that we saw was
peachblow vase worth dollar at re-
tail. The couple left on the accommo-
dation on bridal tour of two days to
Podunk. We asked the Rev. X. e.
Geticks how much the groom gave him
for tying the knot, and he said sew
enty five cents. This, therefore, can
be relied upon as official"
"loung man, said the editor, after
reading the reporters account, you
are far too high a genius to bury your
talent in small place like Quohosh. L
would like to keep you, but am sure
that would be doing you an injustice.
l think you had better 60 to New York,
where you talents will be appreciated
as they deserve. And, by the way,
when you go to the station to buy your
ticket avoid making the fatal mistake
OF buying a return ticket. We are
fond Of you, but not so very fond that
absence could fail to increase it,
Harper's.