Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1893-09-17


will please take notice that this comes
to me as hearsay, and also that my
apology is ready at a moments notice
in case | am wrong in putting the judge
down as an enemy OF bimetallism. do
not care to be sentenced TO 1000 years
for finding felon on the finger OF scorn.
Speaking of courts and the law re-
minds me Of an incident which occurred
in the great northwest last winter.
Christina county is q new organization,
and the county seat still has fresh paint
on it.
In February a merchant whosells tea
and ak helves came to the county at
torney and said be did not wish TO find
any fault about IL or make any arrests,
but some one was stealing bis wood at
the rate OF two cords per month, and
he wanted to know the best course to
proceed and still not commit a felony
himself. Would it be dangerous to
load some of the sticks with powder?
Would he be liable or subject 10 arrest
in case of death or mayhem?
The county attorney thought II over
for 8 minutes with his whiskers In his
mouth. He always ate off some OF his
whiSkers while engaged in thought.
"No, you would not be liable, l
think" said he, "but to avoid acci-
dents to yourself or your family would
load only sticks OF white birch, Mr..
Jaggerson. White birch is easily dis
tinguished even in the night, and If you
load only that variety your family cir
Gle will not have notch in 1t this WIN
ter.
So the man went home and loaded his
woodpile for bear, but In his haste he
erroneously loaded one stick of hickory.
That night the county attorneys office
was burned TO the ground, together
with library consisting OF HIPS Man
ual the Revised Statutes for 1869,
Horace A. Taylor on Diseases of the
Horse" THE Man Who Sobered Up"
by Walt Mason, and the government
publications on pork and It's diseases.
The county attorneys opinion since
then has been Of no value whatever, for
his whiskers were singed of by the ex-
plosion, and missing them TO gnaw upon
while wrapped in thought his legal
opinion has been warped, aud IL Is pitt
full to see him tackle simple question,
run his tongue out In search OF mouth
ful of rich red whiskers, find only the
place where they were and then burst
into tears.
Numerous inquiries have been re-
cev7d within the past summer regard
ing funeral etiquette, etc. here take
the liberty therefore TO insert piece OF
word painting taken verbatim from an
exchange, the names only having been
changed to avoid giving additional Of
Tense. The clipping itself is offensive
enough to drive a mule from his midday
meal, but | print 1t TO show one-half the
world how the other half is permitted
to rush into print on the heels Of death
even IL ignored the rest OF the time.
August /, 1898.
"DEAR EDIToR-The death angel has
made It's ingress into our quiet little
city, snatching from our midst one OF
our most deserving and beloved citizens
in the person of Mrs. Judge Burstforth
Balaam, OF East Tottawotamie, this
State. After a protracted illness she
departed TO the Land OF the Leal the
morning of the 25th. Funeral 27th at
the above place. Services by Rev. h.
Quincy, Of our city, who delivered one
OF his mastery, skillful discOurses. Mr.
Gurney can bring the world down on a
funeral discourse. His sermon was full
of pathos and eloquence. The elder is
Bible student and a gentleman OF high
culture.
THE Rev. Eli Mudd offered up an eio-
ouent prayer. The reverend Is young
man of marked ability.
The Rev. Mr.. Billwood, of Maryland.
made telling closing address; be will
be counted in. Mrs. BALKAN as vocal
list has no parallel. Her voice was like
that of an angel soft aud clear and pa
thetic. Her music proceeded from her
heart and reached the hearts OF the
hearers. She was called upon to sing
az hundreds of funerals. She had sung
q great many times at Spoon Lake
church 10 short, she was well known
singer. Mrs. Balaam will be missed al
the bedside OF the sick. Her hand was
always open TO relieve the wants OF the
poor and afflicted. She would go far
and near to relieve the wants OF the sui
feriug. She always paid into the
church. She will be missed at the class
meeting and the Sunday School. Her
graceful form will not be seen on the
streets any more, but in heaven. She was
a complete model Of perfection and
beauty. But 70 all the world who will
most miss her the judge and Elite, her
daughter wife Of Mr.. Buriingame. The
Judge will not when he comes home at
a late hour find awaiting his coming
with a cup OF hot coffee on the stove
and a smiling face. with cheering words,
but the opposite-a dark house, no
words OF cheer nor angels smiles TO en-
liyen the half dead manhood. But
what grief will come over the oereaved
husband when ne finds a dark house,
and that the mistress is lying among
the tombs, her eyes closed 10 DEATH
Judge, you will see dark days and
gloomy shades, but there is one cheer
ing side 10 this-she Is happy; she Is
among the good Of all ages. God bless
her ashes
1.-The funeral was largely attended |;
people present from eight towns. Music
by Minkinse's band. MAnkinse Is one
OF the best musicians in the country.
Cold Storage Of West Buflaps was the
undertaken. His part was well acted.
Quite large crowd followed the corpse
10 Rush Center cemetery, where there
was quite a crowd assembled awaiting
the coming. Among the crow, was Rev.