The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1893-11-25
THE PAUPER MoNoPoL1sT.
How He Flourished Until an Unex-
pected Marriage Occurred.
Jerome K. Jerome in The Idler.

Jerome K. Jerome in The Idler.
1t happened in a tiny Yorkshire village
IA peaceful, respectable spot, where folks
found life a bit slow One day. however,
new curate arrived, aud that woke
things up considerably. He was a nice
young man, and having a large private
income of his own, was altogether a most
desirable catch. Every unmarried female
in the place went for him with one
accord. But ordinary feminine blandish-
ments appeared to have no effect upon
him. He was a seriously inclined young
man and once, in the course of a casual
conversation upon the subject of love. he
was heard to say that he himself should
never be attracted by mere beauty and
charm. What would appeal to him, he
SAID, would be wOman's Roodness-her
charity and kindness to the Door.
Well, that set the petticoats to think
ing They saw that in studying fashion
plates and practicing expression they had
been going upon the wrong tack The
card for them to play was tine poor. ~
But here a difficulty arose There was
only one poor person in the whole parish
u CantankerOus old fellow who lived in a
tumble-down cottage at the back of the
church, and fifteen able-bodied women
eleven girls, three old maids and a
Miss Simmonds, one Of the Old maids. c0f
hold of him first, and commenced feeding
him twice day with beef tea. then the
widow boarded him with beef tea and
oysters. Later in the week others of the
party drifted in upon him and wanted to
cram him with jelly and chickens. The
old man couldn't understood it, He was
accustomed to u small sack of Goals now
and then, accompanied by long lecture
! 10 aaUn a
dandelion tea. This sudden squirt on the
part of Providence puzzled him. He said
nothing, however, but contrived to take
in as much of everything as he could
hold. At the end of a month he was too
fat to get through his own back door.
The competition among the women folk
grew keener every day, and at last the
old man began to give himself airs, and to
make the place hard for them. He made
them clean his cottage out and cook his
meals, and when he was tired of having
them about the house he set them to work
i'll the garden. They grumbled GOOD
deal, and there was talk at one time of a
sort of strike but what could thew dOl
He was the only pauper for miles round
and knew it. He had the monopoly. and
like all mOnopolists, he abused his posi-
ton. He made them run errands. He
sent them out to buy his ''baccv.u Mt
their own expense. On one occasion he
sent Miss Simmonds out with a ing To oct
his supper beer. She Indignantly refused
ut first, but he told her that if she gave
him any of her stuckup airs out she
would go and never come into his house
again. If she wouldn't do it there were
plenty of others who would. She knew
it and went.
They had been in the habit of reading
to him-good books. with an elevating
tendency. But now he put his foot down
upon that sort of thing He said he
didn't want Sunday school rubbish at his
time of life. What he liked was some
thing spicy. Aud he made them read
him French novels and seafaring tales
containing realistic language And thew
didn't have to skip anything. either, or
he'd know the reason why. He said he
liked music, so a few of them dubbed to-
gether and bought him a harmonium
Their idea was that they would sing
hymns and play high-class melodies. but
it wasn't his. His idea was Keeping up
the old girls birthday and She winked
the other eye with chorus and skirt
dance, and that's what they sang.
To what lenths his tyranny would have
gone. it is difficult to say, had moi an
event happened that brought his pover 10
a premature collapse. This was the
curates sudden aud somewhat unexpected
marriage with a beautiful burlesuue act
ress, who had lately been performing in a
neigh boring town. He gave up the church
on his engagement in consequence of his
tiances objection to becominga minister's
wife. She said she could never tumble
to- the district visiting. With the curate's
wedding the old pauper's brief career O
prosperity ended. They packed him off
TO the work house after that and made
him break stones