The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-09-24

| things. But with all
~ my experiences / re-
ally believe politics arc
among the strangest things 70 be found IN
| this country outside OF a geological gar
| don or a clairvoyant's private apart
| ,,en+s. lust to think of IT! Is there any
| ching else in the world for which men
will neglect family interests. ana permit
them legal practices to go to the deuce
Two then announce themselves Tor an oi-
flee that pays trivial salary lmmedlaueiy
. Thousand or more political friends take
| .,des hold nightly rallies, drain dozen
| or more beer Kegs. and bet haIt 'heir
months salary on the result all Tor tne
| other fellow. After he gets the oillCS,
| m, no recognizes an astonishingly small
/ nronortion OF his original friends. Al least'
| that's been my experience. Not tnat
| I'VE ever rolled Up my sleeves and rushed
| into notifies. No. I didn't have the courage
| IN the FIRST place and my financial position
i wouldn't admit Of the funds necessary 10
/ be dropped on the nahagony counter
| What does Il all amount to? simply tnls'
| that John Smith or Peter Jones NAV slide
into office, and then smile sereneiy at
| the snoothness with which he deiudea the
voters by intimating that when eiec'eo
/ he would take pleasure in dishing out
| o,f,cee 10 each and every one of his sup
| porters.
| But the campaign is on, and the gas
bills have got TO be paid. Tor theIe
| scarcely a night that passes without ihe
soft september zephyrs being heaVHy
| laden with all the patriotic expressions
| known TO straight out Democrats. Speech
| sDechest There's no end to them. Eacn
| cvapCh
/ otter the other, tells what he proposes
! doing bv way Of eliminating all the I'M
| desirable clauses from the Code, and sub
stitutinR them by provisions that Will at
| once inspire confidence and fill every
| bodys pocket with all the spare change
| necessary TO do the town." and finally
winds I'D with an eloquent appeal for
votes, swearing by the beard Of Mahomrnet
| that he'll do the correct thing when once
elected. Then he takes HIS seat, crosses
his legs complacently, and listens With
a heart full of envy to the same old story
from his successor This continues till
everybody has had his little say, and then
a series Of resolutions pronouncing the
meeting a grand success are unanimously
adopted, after which the candidates tuck
| themselves cozily under single blanket
| and dream peacefully over the prospects
| for fame. Queer dongs!
| Yet Inefe one dSpiIdHl lpI ppllliNdi
| honors who doesn't seem to be worrying
| himself over the result He Is man OF
| few words, and he says what he thinks,
| and thinks what he pleases. Once upon
| time, no matter when, he was presnt at
| political meeting. In the corner he sat,
| and listened patiently TO speech, after
speech all just alike. Finally he dropped
| asleep and enjoyed himself this way for
an hour or so. Loud applause for can
| didate's speech-or else for the fact that
| only one more orator remained to be hea
| from-aroused him just In time to have
! his say. He arose quietly, nodded once or
! twice, and finally Strengthened himself up.
| Speech, Speech cried the audience.
| The practical, matter-Of-fact candidate.
| who evidently held 20 the view that brew
| fly ought to be observed, mounted the
| rostrum and said: Gentlemen: l am
| candidate for this position. I ask you
| for your votes. and will be thankful for
| them. But II you don't want to vote for
! me, why, you can so 10 the Devil lie
! got at least twenty votes by that speech.
| Candidates, listen to me-be brief.
|
But word Of advice to the political
| aspirant. He should always be certain
of a fellows identity, as well as his polit-
| ical creed, before tackiing him. Many
| promising candidate has lost votes hand
| over fist" by failing to observe this. If
| you want mans suffrage, don't under
| take TO, exhibit sudden profound interest
! in his personal welfare, unless you have
| been accustomed TO do so before you be
| came a candidate The voter might grow
| suspicious as TO your motives, and there's
| nothing that kills votes like suspicion.
Don't fatter your man. and sympathiZe
with him in his business troubles, unless
you dealt with hint regularly and paid your
bills promptly when he was more pros
porous II will never do. Gaudy hatterry
and complimentary epithets arouse skep
tlcism, and cause the voter TO wonder
| why ambition for fame has wrought SO
! great a change in the candidates make
| up" Another thing. BE sure you do not
| rush up half cooked, and inquire anxious
~ as TO the health of the latest addition
| 10 the family circle. This Is a great
mistake. a voter with anything like
reasonable knowledge of human
nature knows fun wen that hustling politi-
clans haven't'tbe time and taste 10 keep
up with the hygienic condition OF his own
tootsy-wootsy, much less that OF other
people. Yes, all OF these policies are
wrong. The day for patting the voter on
the back and stuffing him full OF fattery
| manufactured for the special purpose or
| purchasing unpromised ballots, has come
| and gone. Men are more practical these
| days. They've seen enough of sefishness
and deceit to know that such doings are
| prompted by admiration for No. !, and
| il won't work like II used TO. not 10 speak
| of the blunders and miscalculations made.
| Now, the most inartistic job OF his kind
I ever saw took place in Broad street
| cafe a few nights sine II was about y
o'clock, and a young legal light who fire.
| Quently looks after the interests OF his
clients at Justice Johns Court was hold
ing high carnival with several acquaint
| nces at the same time making an effort
| to book a few votes for the coming con-
test. newspaper man walked In TO get
| his cigar lighted. that's all. AT once the
candidate sauntered up TO renew his ac-
| quaintance, which had almost ceased dur
ing the scribe's past three years close
confinement 10 the editorial rooms.
why how are your said the candidate
/ know you perfectly WELL but l can't call
your name just at present; I'm delight
ed TO see you. old fellow; come join me
in a julep."
The invitation was declined, as the
scribe has great respect for neat
heading.
What do you think Of the new after
noon paper" inquired the legal light
First rate" said the other; Every credi.
table indeed 10 the management; newsy,
fresh and well gotten up"
Indeed 1t is" came the reply; "by far
the best afternoon paper ever published
in Richmond. and certainly deserves
patronage. 1 do hope you fellows will sue