Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1893-09-21

ALMOST everyone who can't sing
was at one time a member of a
church choir. -Atchison Globe.
odd you see that shocking straw
hat De Slips is wearing?" ayes; an
other Panama scandal. Puck.
JAGsoN says that the fellow who
keeps whistling "After the Ball"
ought to get it.-Emira Gazette.
do YOU use condensed milk?"
"Guess so. The milkman can put a
quart of it in pint jar. Puck.
ONE disagreeable feature of gam
bling Is that man has to meet so
many chance acquaintances.- Troy
Press.
TEACHER - Define gentleman
Boy-A gentleman is a growed-up
boy wot used to mind his mother
Good News.
MANY show their teeth when they
grin, but few grin when they have to
show them to a dentist. -Philadel-
phia Times
IT is singular that 50 many banks
should be swamped when the people
nave SO thoroughly drained them
Lowell Courier.
"HE is flippant. He can't be seri-
BUS If he tries" "Yes, he can. He is
very serious when he tries to be fun
ny. brooklyn Life.
JONES (reading)-The Worlds Fair
- Browne (bitterly)-Don't be-
lieve it. 1t hasn't treated me that
way.-New York Times.
THE fly that the spider wove a web
for was not so very fly after all. He
was curious about the weaving, and
got taken in.-Picayune.
THE thoughtful man never mails a
letter with new Columbian stamp
on it without wondering if it will 90
for two cents Elmira Gazette.
A NOMADIC RACE. First floor
How many servants do you keep?
High flat-None, but we have no
end OF 'em as casual visitors. Puck.
FIRST ACTOR Gin tragic whisper)-
Are we quite alone? Second actor
(glancing grimly at the small audi
ence)-Almost.-New York Weekly.
The active dog-catcher often
catches it most severely when the
woman who owns the dog catches
him at his little game.-Swansea Ga
zette.
GERMANY will now have a bigger
standing army than ever. This Ia
due to the Reichsrath not sitting
down on the tax. - PHILADELPHIA
Times.
SHE-I can't see any sense in call
ing them my sailing shoes. He
Well, l notice you make about twenty
knots an hour to keep them tied
Inter Ocean.
. The WAITER Gas Wigley started to
leave)-How do you like my button
hole bouquet, sir? Forget-me-nots,
sir. Thank you, sir. Goood-morning.
RoBBINs-I'm just back from Chi
cago. Enthusiastically, old fellow,
I'm sorry, but I'm so tied up fnan-
cially that can't lend you a cent
Philadelphia Record.
LATE jewellers singing "Theres no
place like home" always stop their
melody just before they get there, and
creep upstairs in their stocking feet.
Boston Transcript.
ALTHOUGH as a rule the girls are
no admirers of stinginess, when the
right fellow comes along few of the
fair ones object to a certain degree Of
closeness.-Buffalo Courier.
CHARLEY-So, Jim, you were ex-
travagant enough to pay $50 a dozen
for your handkerchiefs. Don't you
think that was a good deal of money '
to blow in?-Columbia Spectator.
IRATE but polite person (who has
just taken away an umbrella from
the social pest in front)-Permit me,
sir, to return your umbrella; found |
it in my eye.-World's Fair Puck.
alt was awfully clever of baby. He
had never been told what flowers
were, but the minute he saw them
he said, 'Bwobs.'" ~But what does
'BwObs' mean?" FLOWERS, of course"
Bazaar.
HE-I often think-at least some
times wonder-I mean wish knew
il you cared for me, don't you know?
She-Oh, but they've got clairvoy-
ant in the next town. Couldn't you
find out?-Boston Budget.
SWEET GIRL "They
won't let me read poem at the COM
exercises, but l got ahead
Of them just the same" Her Friend
Sweet Girl Graduate-@I
wore one. Buffalo Courier.
LITTLE DICK-Papa, didn't you
tell mamma we must economizeP
Papa-1 did, my son. Little Dick
Well, was thinkin' that mebby IL
you'd get me pony l wouldn't wear
Uut so many shoes-Good News Il