davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-10-31
BIGGS DID MAKE A MASH
But It Was Not the Kind He Was
Counting Upon

DuI At vas NOL Tic A4Au ne Wv as
Counting Upon
Yes, this is a new hat" said little
Biggs last evening at the Platypus
| Club. 1t is the second one I have
bought already this fall. Thereby
hangs a tale, but I don't think I will
tel it."
"Rats, dear boy !" remarked Noodles.
"Have something else on me and let
us have the yarn"
"Well," said Biggs, after all the fell
lows had made mention of what they
would take, 81 believe that I cannot
be justly accused of setting up for a
maeher."
81 don't know about that, don't
cherknow9" drawled Snigglesby, strik-
ing a match. cat all events, I don't
set up for a bold, bad man like Snig-
glesby," returned little Biggs. "But
it CHANGED that I dropped in at the
theatre one night last week. AS l sat
down in the fifth row of the orchestra
l noticed that directly behind me was
an awfully pretty girl, whom I had
never seen before. 1t was about the
middle Of the second act, Think, when
1 CHANGED to put my legs under my
my chair, and I touched what was evi
IDENTIFY her foot.
Presently the same thing occurred
again. 1 noticed that she did not with
draw her foot, and, finding the sensa-
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-10-31
ITEMS OF

A baseball player in Independence,
Kansas, can throw a. ball 29O feet.
The Dakota river is the longest un-
navigable river in the world, over 1, 600
miles.
Two men of San Jose, Cal. recently
waltzed, it is claimed, 10 consecutive
hours.
Hiccoughs too freely INDUCED in
proved the death of an old man in Mas
sachusetts.
Child marriages are so common in
India that the average age of a mother
when she gives birth to her first child
is 10 years.
An illustrious little colored boy in
Atlanta, Ca, aged seven years, was
lately induced to set fire to a house for
a reward of five cents.
The wives of Siamese noblemen cut
their hair so that it sticks straight up
from their heads. The average length
of it is about an inch and a half.
A monkey that died in Butte City,
Mont, was such a pet that his owner
induced an %irreverent wretch to preach
a sermon over the animals remains.
Superior Judge William Conley, of
California, is said to be the youngest
Judge of any court of record in the
United States. He is just 26 years old.
The Yezidees, a secular Turkish sect,
cut off the head of any one who mad
vertentIy speaks the word "devil,"
Satan" or anything with a similar
meaning.
The closing week of the life of John
E. Collins, of Rimidi, Mont, vas quite
out of the common. Within seven
days he was married, divorced and
committed suicide.
Everglades are called by the Indians
"grass water" Low tracts Of land
inundated with water and interpreted
with patches, of high grass, peculiar
to the Southern States, r known as
everglades.
The belief is prevalent in the East
Indies that both the viper and the asp
stop their ears when the charmer is
uttering his lamentations by turning
one a to the ground and twisting the
point of the tail into the other.
Among the Arowacks, in Surinam,
a son in-law is, at the peril of his life,
never permitted to look at this mother.
in-law. If they happen to meet he is
expected to turn his back upon her,
and if they live in the same house to-
gether he must take care never to look
her in the face.
An east side New York junk dealer
purchased at a farm sale on Long
Island the other day a fine old crown
topped bronze bell. It bears a cross,
the pious initials II. H. s." the date
1879, and this inscription in Spanish
"Commi boz AIabo a Dios." 1t looks
like a relic with a history, and it may
have been the bell of a wrecked Span
ISL vessel.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-10-31
Poetry.
t500S7FR ESTIMATE OF VOOR'
HE'S.
Dandy Dan.

When we were first acQua1nt,
You were a bully greenback man,
Blu now they say you int;
The plutOcrats AVE got you, Dan,
AS we have learned full soon,
they're feeding you on gold bug soup
From Sherman's gold bug spoon.
Dan Voor' ees, my daLdy Dan,
When this foul plot began,
You Cussed John Sherman up one side
And down the other, Dan;
You called old John 1.-THE devi!fish,"
And other names by the Scores,
And now you ask him TO forgive
Those early fry of yours.
Dan voorhees,, my dandy Dan,
In those Ole greenback days
The gold bug press abused you, Dan,
In many grie vOus Ways.
They called yOu traitor" "c~Opperhead"
Ard Golden Circle Knight
And now they pat you on the back
And swear hat yOu're "all right"
Dan voorhees,, my dandy Dan,
In days when o were true,
The dollar of the daddies, Dan,
Was good enough for you;
Then you were our tall Sycamore"
And proudly held the helm,
But now you're but a rotten stump
OF twisted slippery elm.
Dan Voorhees,, plutocratic Dan.
You've made your latest bed,
With hat Few, gold bug devilfish
You're his heart, hand and head!
HencefOrth the Wabash spews you out
With your Christ Killing clan;
You're Jul tall Sycamore no more,
You're Slippery elm Dan.
H. ". Taylor, in NOnCOnfOrmiSt
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-10-31

AUianceman, If you receiUe q sample
copy of this paper, 1t is to remind you
tbat you should send as one dollar and
get 1T one gear.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-10-31

Madge was sitting up in bed with an
old shawl around her shoulders when
Jenny came in at midnight.
1--we just been taking my medicine, "
she said. Did you have a good time,
Jenny7 And, obi where did you get
all those roses9"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-10-31

Two young men were injured sim
uafly IN Brooklyn a few days ago by
accidentally falling from windows
SOout the same hour, in the same street
aud within a block of each other. Both
were picked up unconscious and re.
moved to The same hospital.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
eeatty's Pianos and organs,

Hon. Daniel F. Beatty, the great Or
gan and Piano nan of Washington, N. j.,
is buster than ever. In 1870 Mr.. Beatty
left home a penniless pillow boy, and by
his indomitable will he has worked his
way up so as to sell so far, nearly 100, 900
OF Beatty's Pianos and Organs since 1870.
Nothing seems to dishearten him obsta-
Giles lay in his way that would have
wrecked an ordinary man forever; he
tarns to an advertisement and comes out
of it brighter than ever. His instru-
ments are in USE everywhere. We are
informed that during the next ten years
he intends to sell 200, 900 more of his
make. That means a business of $780,
600, 900, if we average them at 800 each.
1t is already the largest business of the
kind in existence. Read his advertise
ments.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
He Insured the Cat.

A certain lady who wished to have
some fun at the expense of an agent who
had ofttimes solicited her to insure her.
self and family asked him on one occa-
sion if he would insure the cat. The
agent, to the establishment and no small
amusement of some friends, promptly
offered to do so, provided she paid the
first premium down. The lady, still
thinking to hoax him, expressed her will
ingness to do so and placed a shilling on
the table. The agent quickly produced
a proposal, filled in particulars and OBJ
tanned her signature, while those present
were on the tiptoe of expectancy as to
what was to follow.
Now, madam, with your permission,
may / see the cat?" he inquired.
Certainly" she replied, at the same
time pointing to a glass case which con
tanned the STUFFED" remains of the poor,
defunct cat. A chorus of derisive laugh
ter burst from all present, but to their
surprise and no little dismay the agent
turned, and bowling politely to the lady
at the same time coolly picking up the
shilling and placing it in his pocket, ex-
claimed:
when that cat dies, madam, kindly
call at our Office and claim the insurance
money. Good morning."-Tit-Bits.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16

Jimmy Connolly of the Adams House
has just returned from a three weeks
visit at the big Chicago fair. OF course
he met with a number of amusing in
cidents, as any one will who has the
power of dividing the attention between
hearing and seeing. The one, however,
that struck him as being particularly
funny, and at the same time giving him
the briefest and most expressive sum
ming up of the beauties and grandeur of
the noble exposition at night that he
ever heard, came to his attention under
the following circumstances:
He was standing in the grand court of
honor one evening, listening to a concert
by the consolidated bands. when his at
tention was arrested by the conversation
of two typical Hoosiers, one of whom
had just arrived upon the grounds.
Amt yer glad yer come, Bill?"
Its the derndest thing | liver drempt
on"
Amt she a great show?"
"Wa-a-a-l. wa-a-a-l, wa-a-a-l, who
would have thought it'll The old woman
kicked like fury when she found that |
was goin, cause it would cost so much,
but | kinder quoted her down by prom
Using her that l would bring her a new
kaliker dress from one of the big dry
goods stores in Chickerger."
Suddenly there flashed upon the vision
Of the newcomer 10, 900 binding lights.
The great basin was bordered with a
fringe of living fire; the noble buildings
were af1ame; the majestic dome of the
Administration palace was outlined
against the black drapery of night in
gracefully sweeping columns of golden
glory; from the four corners of the Man
ufactures building shot the rays of the
binding searchlights, cutting out path
ways of shimmering silver far over the
lake; then, to cap the climax, the electric
fountains began sending high in air their
respondent columns of rainbow tints
that broke into luminous spray and fell
in spangled splendor upon the FURNISHED
bosom of the basin.
"What do you think of it? What do
you think of it, BillT"
Bill did not hear a word. He was in
paradise. His senses were ravished with
ecstasy.
"Billl Bill what do you think of it?"
But his ''eyes like two stars started
from their spheres" Finally he came
back to earth long enough to calculate,
"Tl be darned if l believe itp'-Boston
Herald
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
HER MISTAKE.


Sentiment VIII Sometimes Rattle Even a
Chicago Girl.
AS she stepped into - Clark street car
every mar turned to look at her. She
greeted another girl efusively and sat
down besile her.
"Oh. Dora. I've hal such an expe-
rience!'' she painted as she cast u CO,
quettish glance at the young man oppo-
site.
lyon always are having experiences"
grumblel her friend. ''and nothing ever
happens to me. 1t all of having
those big, appealing eyes and that timid
air, when you're not even afraid of a
mouse.
.'Oh, but this was really an awful ok
perience, and I've a mind not to tell you
a word about it,"
eff you don't, I'll think it is because it
is too bad to tell"
''Oh, you mean thing! But | must tell
somebody, and l know all your secrets,
so you won't dare to tell"
$50 on, then, but don't expect me to
sy~mpathize.'
NfClAs JOo l. WIN - AAt'
ma to the dentists today and"-
''Oh, it was the dentist, was itT'
mot at all. l had my lovely new sill
yer handled umbrella with me, and /
leaned it against a chair in the waiting
room, determined not to lose sight of it.
A few minutes later in came a splendid
looking fellow with such q mustache
that I couldn't help smiling just a little
at HIM"
"Of course"
swell, he leaned his ane against the
same chair, and it Knocked my umbrella
down. We both stopped to pick it up,
and otlr hands met, and he said, Pardon
me- and | biushed and said. Thank
YOU"
II hope you had the grace not to look
at him again."
''Well-er, only once or twice, and
each time he was i king at me in such
an admiring wayi AT last ann
came. AS we went out l forgot my UNI
brella and HAD to go back for it, and oh,
Dora, he started up and seemed about to
speak, and | just flew ont to where
mamma was waiting. | knew I'd never
hear the last of it if she caught me-"
'And serve you
"Oh, and, Dora, when we got out I
looked back. and he was actually follow
ing me-"
81 hope you"-
Il did until told me she was
not walking for a wager, and at last he
caught up to us and lifted his hat"
what ~impudence!"
"He was holding out something to me
and saying, 1 beg your pardon, miss, but
this is your umbrella. and'"-
You don't mean to say
II do. / had been carrying his cane
down the street, and he had been chasing
me to get it back"
well l never" said the other GIRL
Chicago Tribune.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
He Was Mistaken.

Don't go, Canon; l want to introduce
you to a lady who wishes to make your
acquaintance"
"Oh-er-Fm rather in a hurry. Some
other day, perhaps-er-er."
"It's my wife, you know"
"Oh, that's different. l thought you
said a lady! ! shall be charmedi'-
Punch,
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
Colonial DANES Celebrate.

The Colonial Danes of Maryland this
year gave a tea on Oct. 10 to commemo-
rate the burning of the Peggy Stewart in
the harbor of Annapolis in 1774. Many
people still think that Peggy was a
Colonial Dame herself, instead of a brig
of that name carrying a cargo of tea.
Tea, in that eventful year, had several
more drawings" in hot water than were
represented by the Boston tea party
Philadelphia Ledger.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
Saw a White Bnzzard.

1t is stated that a white buzzard was
killed by a hunter several miles north OF
the city last week. The only difference
between it and an ordinary buzzard was
its color. The bird wal seen by several
persons flying in this vicinity together
with the common black and brown buzz
yards before it was killed. -Tampa Ola,
Times.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16

Parent-Did you read that a girl had
taken the highest classical honofs at
Harvard?
Son-Oh, well, you know the girls
have nothing to do but study. We fell
lows have really so much else to attend
to that we don't get much time for
books. Texas Siftings.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
A Housekeeping Dilemma.

II don't think this ham is perfectly
cured, my DEAR" said Mr.. Newlywed.
"Well, what shall l do, Tom?' asked
the sweet young wife anxiously "Send
it back to the shop or telephone tor the
doctor?"-Truth.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
Are You Going East?


If SO, why not combine
speed and safety with
comfort? In travelling,
yonr convenience is we'll
looked after by the great
Rio Grande Western Rail-
way. See that your tick
cts read via that road,
which offers choice of
three distinct routes and
the most magnificent
railroad scenery in the
world. Send 25 cents to
J. HI. Bennett, Salt Lake
City, for copy of the beau
tiful illustrated book,
"Utah, a Peep Into the
Mountain allied treas
nry Of the Gods"
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
Four Men to one Eagle.

While fishing at a lake on Red river. 90
miles north of here, E. M. George of this
city shot and winged a monster gray
eagle. 1t was brought in alive. Itmeas-
ured Z feet from tip to tip. The bird
fought SO desperately that it took four
men to tie it SO that it would be harm
less.-Paris G'ex.) Dispatch.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
A Complication.

"What is the matter with Spriggins?'
"Alphabetic arrangement"
"What do you mean?'
mot enough VS. and KS and too
many I o U~'s."-Washington Star.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
- =. -
Only q School.

Stranger-What a cherries, dreary,
depressing looking building that isl
Native-Oh, that's only a school. Do
you like fine architecture?
II do"
'Wait till you see our new jail.
Good News.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16
Went well Tocether.

She-Your stepsuits mine beautifully.
He (nervouslyj-Glad to hear it! I'm
such a shocking dancer, don'tcher knowl
Tit-Bits.
The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-12-16

S. P. SMITH, of Towanda, Pa,
whose constitution was completely
broken down, is cured by Ayers
Sarsaparilla. He writes:
For eight years, I was, most of the
time, a great sufferer from constipa-
ton, kidney trouble, and indiges-
ton, so that my constitution seemed
to be completely broken down. I was
induced to try Ayers Sarsaparilla, and
took nearly seven bottles, with such
excellent results that my stomach,
bowels, and kidneys are in perfect con-
dition, and, in all their functions, as
regular as clock-work. At the time
! began taking Ayers Sarsaparilla, my
weight was only 129 pounds; I now can
brag of 159 pounds, and was never in so
good health. If you could see me be-
fore and after using, you would want
me for a travelling advertisement.
believe this preparation of Sarsaparilla
to be the best in the market to-day"
Ayers S~arsapariHa
Prepared by DR.. J @. Aver &C.,, Lowell, Mass.
Cures others, will cure you
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1893-11-20
ABOUT PEOPLE
Oany Chronicle of the Movement OF
individuals


Oany Chronicle of the Movsmsnt OF
individuals
Gorton's Minstrels are at the St
Charles.
J.H.D. Moon, of Pittsburg, is on the
hotel,list
FIN. sprague, Of Pittsburg, is Nc
Lure guest.
L. A. Brenneman, Of Sistersville. is at
the Mcclure.
Chas. vogel, of steubenville, is a St.
Charles guest.
J.C. Birch, and wife. of Parkersburg.
are Windsor guests.
w. r. Cummings. Of East Bank, this
State, is hotel visitor.
Frank Alblnger, of Thirty-frst street,
will be home from Pittsburg to-day.
A child of NJ. F. Dryden, Of Twenty
third street, is very Ill OF diphtheria.
Mrs. VIM. Scott, of East Liverpool, O.,
are visiting Twenty-fourth street friends.
F.A. Count and C. F. A. Cuffs, of Sis
tersville, are among the st. Charles VS.
itors.
D. Scott aud wife, of New Matamoras, O.,
are visiting friends on Twenty-1ourtn
street.
The Carrie Louis company en- route 10
Steubenviue, registered at the st. Charles
yesterday.
John Schumacher and George Boy
ard. of Moundsyille were in the city
yesterday on business.
George X. Leasure, employed IN tho
glassworks at Moundsville. IS visiting his
family on Thirty-ninth street.
Mol of1vhlin
South Side young men, VIII leave To-Day
for a hunt to the interior Of this State.
Mr. William Gutman, Of Chattanooga,
is visiting his mother on thirteenth street
Rumor has it that Mr.. Gutman is soon 10
be married.
WINDSOR: A. L. Pool, Wayerly; George
w. Boss, Belmont; George HlehIe, 81
Mary's, and r. Alexander, @. A. Hiehle,
Parkersburg.
BEuLER-J. H. Anderson, Sisterville;
S. S. Allie, West Union; Frank A. START,
Point Pleasant; j. II. Rock, Moundsvlllei
j. Koonz, New Martinsviue.
DR.. w. r. Taylor, of the South Side, is
recovering from a most painful attack OF
| blood poisoning. The doctor has been con-
! fined for over o week to his bed ana yes
terday be was able to set up for the nrst
time. An accident started the disease,
! when the physician was washing his
| hands. For some time it was feared that
the doctor would not recover, but he is
now on a safe way toward recovery.
| STAMM-J. w. Bosworth, G. L. I Oft G.
I w. Burns, Alexis Holden, Philippi; Q. q.
Dawson, r. S. Hollis, Rowlesburg; Fred
Helmick, rairmont; w. w. Huntington,
! Weston; II. B. Currey, Volcano; j. ID.
! Sweadre, A. d. Boyd, }. z. Hager, y. ,.
Light, Charleston; f. D. Miller, SEVEN
VIM Neal. Arostea; John Kyle, Mont
gomery; John w. Porter ST. Mary's;
John Beckley, VIM. Il. Nicely, Raleigh; q.
| b. Harold, Huntington.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1893-11-20
BURGLARS AND rHlEvEs.
They are stili Operating About the City
Recent Cases.

They are still Operating ABOUT the SitJ.
Recent Cases.
Early yesterday morning thieves at
tempted to force an entrance 10 Conrad
Bachman's grocery store, at Twenty
second and EotT streets. Mr.. Bach
man was awakened by the baYing OF
his watchdog, and be heard persons
scampering away. Frank Bachman
went to investigate. and found marks
on the rear door where the robbers had
used an iron tool To force an entrance.
The dog had evidently scared them
away. Mr.. Bachman has an idea who
the robbers are.
The widow Wiedebuseh. o well
known lady of Twenty-ninth street.
suffered quite loss few nights ago.
She left an ingram carpet on the rear
porch, and during the night thieves
stole il. 1t was valued at Sl5.
Two rag men living out Caldwell's Run
operated queer game recently. They
called on lady, who had two large grain
sacks full OF rags for sale. When the
bargain was about 10 be made one OF the
dealers suddenly discovered that he had
rot brought his scales. The rag dealers
left, saying they would come again the
next day. That night the rags, which
had been left In an out house, were
stolen. Complaints are made that rags
are missed frequently in this way. The
police out there have notified the rag
men TO beware.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1893-11-20
ORR EXPORT TRADE.


An eastern trade journal discussing
the probabilities in regard to tariff re-
form thinks that the time Is not distant
when there will be a complete reversal
of the position Of the manufacturers of
the United States on the tariff question.
The inevitable tendency Of the protec-
tive policy is to encourage the override
velnpment OF rery branch of business
TO which it mag be applied. The iron
industry aud many of the textile indus
tries, under the stimulation Of Govern
ment largesses, have reached point in
productive capacity when this country
no longer affords them a sufficient mar
ket. They must look abroad for Gus
toners, and must adapt their mGnufac.
tnred goods to the wants aud tastes OF
foreign purchasers. Foreign competi-
ton can only be met on the basis Of
unrestricted trade. Our manufacturers
can only obtain a permanent foothold
in neutral markets when they shall no
longer be handicapped by taxes on their
crude material aud by commercial disa-
billties growing out Of the policy which
has forced our carrying trade into the
hands OF foreign Ship-Owners.
Many manufacturers already perceive
the trend of future trade, and are ready
for it. 1t will astonish those who have
paid no attention 70 the course of our
EXPORT trade Of late years to know that
already not less than one-ionrth part OF
our exports are Of manufactured prod
nets. In an interesting statement made
by Congressman CooNBs, in the Jour
nal Of Commerce, that gentleman says;
It's generally supposed that they are al
most exclusively made up OF grain, cotton
and meat products, when the truth Of tue
matter is tRat fully - per cent OF tue
whole amount is the product or our lac
tories Tho statement, as puOhSned oy
the Statistical Department Of the govern
nsnt for the twelve months ending June
so shows that they amount 10 Sl5S, O54, goo,
10 which amount must be added the errors
discovered in the statistical report OF tue
Grstnine months OF the year, amounting 10
at least So, OO0, COO making a total amount
of exports OF that class of goods tly5,OOO,-
600 i'm round numbers, as against ABOUT
sSGS. OO0. 900 o. all classes Of exports. In
the list the products Of our forests are put
down as SIS, OJO. coo in a separate item. II
that was added 70 the amount, as 1t might
well be- of the manufactures, It would
make the percentage even larger tnan /
have indicated.
II so much has been accomplished
under conditions discouraging TO the in
PRODUCTION Of our finished products
abroad, what might we not expect L
trade could be solicited and the barriers
that interfere with it should be low
cred?