Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1893-01-07
HUMoR IN JOURNALISM.
Funny Happenings In the ONCE Of . Funny
Newspaper.


Funny Happenings In the once of . Funny
| Newspaper.
One may find as much fun in q city nswspa-
per Establishment as in the Office Of . frontier
weekly Of the Arizona Kicker type.
| l was at one time employed ~ exchange ed
itor Of q daily in . big town out west, and
among those who worked for the same journal
were some remarkable people. For example,
there was a journalist Of the old school who
had marked appetite for alcohol During his
| leisure momen to he used to come into my room
and breathe into my ear all sorts of cheerful
remarks, some of which could have been ignited
with a match, lam sure. As fast a. read and
scissored the newspapers / would throw them
beneath my desk, which on one occasion proved
| to be a dangerous practice
| My .olbulous friend had come in as usual to
| talk to me and look over the comic pictorials
He asked me for q match to light his cigar and
! did not observe that he threw it carelessly
under my desk. The first notice got of it was
| by suddenly feeling the sensation Of being in
the midst Of q fiery furnace. The match had
set fire 70 the mass Of crumpled papers around
my legs and they were blazing furiously. Leap
ing out of the way as quickly as l could, though
not without being somewhat scorched raked
the flaming newspapers into the middle Of the
| room with long stick that was provided for
closing the windows. They made quite bon
| fire, but all could do was to let them burn
out, nothing being at hand to extinguish them
with
Far from being disturbed in mind BY the &C.
| cident, which might have had serious conse-
| quences, the author of the mischief, being as
usual only about half sober, proceeded to exc
| cute frantic war dance around the flaming
/ newspapers, which blazed half way up to the
ceiling. He made no effort to help me, and
when the fire WAS out he sank into chair ex-
hausted, saying
Upon me honor, I call that-hic-truly en-
joyabls!"
This man was accustomed to do all sorts Of
! surprising things. One time, being given some
editorial work to d. he was dissatisfied with
table provided for him. 1t a new table
and quite a handsome one, but he declared that
he wanted deck. Furthermore, he informed
the jsnitor that he wanted the table removed
from his room. He made this request two or
three times, but the janitor did not take the
| table away. This angered him, but he said
| nothing, being "a man Of action" as he was
accustomed to remark.
One afternoon was disturbed In my perusaI
OF the exchanges by q most terrific noise. 1t
| sounded as II a small earthquake had broken
loose in the building. I quickly discovered
that the commotion was going on In the room
occupied by my bibulous friend. Several Of the
editors and reporters had already gathered and
were looking in through crack in the door.
On joining them perceived Mr.. Snooks, who m
/ may as well call by that name, in the act Of
rushing up and down the room. Starting at
one end each time, he would make q running
jump and land violently upon the table at the
| other end, which was the one he had objected
to. Being heavy man, q few such shocks suf
feed to SO far break the unfortunate article Of
furniture that it WAS left standing on only one
leg. Apparently content with having done this
amount of damage, he, az we saw through the
| crack. put on his hat and coat picked up his
cane and sauntered out Of the room, bowling po-
litely to us as he passed and making no remark,
just as IL nothing had happened.
About an hour later I was again startled by
a repetition Of the frightful racket which had
| interrupted my labors previously. One Of the
editors looked in at my door and whispered
'snooks is at it againl'' Evidently he had had
one or two more drinks and had returned to
complete the destruction he had begun.
Presently the noise ceased and I saw Shocks
going out with his hat and coat en- He nodded
| to me politely as he passed my door. went
| and took peep into his room. where l found
the body and legs OF the table lying in a heap
on the floor. In the course Of the afternoon he
came back again and the performance was re-
peated very much as before. the table being
fairly reduced to kindling wood. Then Mr..
| Snooks summoned the isnitor and said to him:
II told you three times to remove that table.
| Now, sweep 1t out at once or l will throw the
| remains through the window"
The janitor promptly obeyed. Strange as it
| may seem nothing was ever said about the mat
ter in the Office. 1t was only a way SHOCKS had,
and presume the managing editor understood
bis little foiSies The newspaper l speak Of
was run on very amiable principles, as will be
illustrated by story / shall presently tell.
Among the peculiar people on the staff were
two female reporters, each of whom repeatedly
assured the managing editor that the other was
not respectable. Also there was a farming edit
ress, who lived in fiat in town and hated eyerv-
thing agricultural from string beans to chick
ana fush obi hn IN
grotesquely attired person of her sex in the
city. The religious editor mild looking
| that his aspect might almost have been called
| sanctimonious. One day he completely fabber-
gasted the Office boys by expressing his indig-
nation at some delinquency of theirs with
| stream Of profanity 80 ornate and elaborate
| that they were almost frightened out of their
boots. The dramatic editor was teetotaler
| for the reason that he had a weakness for drink
| and he WAS accustomed to say that he wished
ne had as many dollars as he had been intoxi-
Gated "
One Of the proprietors Of the newspaper was
man of most dignifed and impressive de-
meanor. Possibly he a trife surprised
when on entering his own editorial rooms one
day the newest office boy, who had never seen
him before, rushed up and cried:
II say, old buffer, are you goin' upstairs?''
81 am, responded the owner, grayely.
"Well, just take up dis copy wild yer" said
the artless youth, land give it to the telegraph
editor"
with pleasure" replied the great man, and
meekiy carried the bundle of manuscript to the
upper floor.
As he entered the news room u waste paper
basket, which somebody had put up over the
door for BOBBY trap, fell upon his head. He
removed it, and after delivering the copy went
into the library. Funnily enough a similar
BOBBY trap had been set up over the door there,
and he got that. too.
Curious coincidence that" was all he said,
as he extricated himself from waste basket No.
2 and proceeded with some encyclopedia re-
searches.
There were no further accidents that after
noon, but on the next day, as he was ascending