The Wadsworth dispatch. [volume] (Wadsworth, Nev.) 1892-1899, 1893-10-14

"a ~ 80
an, weighing 800 pounds IN the level.
What hair she had left after her Is years Of
struggling with II deceitful world had been
dyed the color Of an old bootleg. Her nose
had been broken, she was cross eyed, and
the loving hand she extended us would
have almost covered one pageof THE KICK
Err. We had been reliably informed that
the widow had 5000 in cash behind her,
and s., 1000 in the hands of IN enterprising
Arizona editor means millions, but we
couldn't grasp the golden opportunity. In
fact, we suffered q full sized collapse, and
1t was only by q superhuman effort that
we could welcome her to this fair territory
and hope that under our sunny skies and
bracing atmosphere she would soon pick up
another hundred pounds of solid fat.
The interview didn't last over Is min
utes, and we are ready to make affidavit
that we never even smiled a loving smile.
We went over to the hotel and went to bed,
kicking ourselves for tho trouble we had
gone to, but had not been asleep two hours
when the landlord woke us up and advised
us to skip. Tho widow had fully expected
a proposal from us. She was disappointed
and chagrined and wanted revenge. She
told her brother in-law, who appears to be
a critter without sense enough to twist a
bears tail, that we had proposed marriage
and then crawflshed. He scurried around
and got a lot Of other critters to back him,
and about the time we got out of the tav
ern and on the back of our mule a mob Of
40 men thirsted for our gore.
After getting three bullets through our
hat and being grazed by two more, we got
out of that town by jumping ourmule over a
seven foot wall. About half the mob mount
ed and pursued, and for a distance of about
six miles it was a question of whether THE
KICKER would ever be issued again or come
out this fall enlarged and improved and in
every way the best family paper to be had
for the price in America. Inch by inch our
mule gained on it. He Is essentially an up
hill mule-that is, he lets out an extra
link in ascending a grade, and this fact
saved us. We were fired upon about 30
times, but fortunately not hit. During the
last 10 miles Of our journey homeward we
had to walk and lead played out mule.
We reached our haven Of rest unhurt, but
thoroughly disorganized. Our loving antic-
ipations when we set out, our bitter dis.
appointment when we met the widow, our
sudden awakening and hurried flight-all
these things upset our balance and nearly
wrecked us.
The hardest thing of all is that we have
lost our faith in womankind. Never again
never as long as providence permits us to
inhabit the United States-shall we enter
tain for them that feeling of veneration
which always compelled us to lift our hat
when we saw a wood cut of Lydia Pink
ham in any Of our exchanges. If the hand
soonest widow in America, having a car
load of $50 bills behind her, should walk
into this Office tomorrow and say, Take
me for thine own" we should frigidly re-
ply, Cit out, false reptilel'
We are still suffering from the mental
shock, but will probably be all right in a
day or two more, and our subscribers may
look for tho next issueof THE KICKER to be
redhot. There is some talk that the wild.
ow's brother-in-law is coming over here to
demand an apology. If becomes, our next
weeks paper will contain full particulars
of his death aud burial.