Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-05-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Coming to time-The promissory note.
An eavesdropper-The convict who
escapes by way of the roof.
The greatest circulating medium is the
drummer Galveston News.
A distinction without difference-A
unanimous nomination.-Puck.
Dead men tell no tales, but the ones
who write their obituaries often do.-
Texas Siftings.
The difference between tack and tact
is that the tack has the big head.-West-
field Standard.
Artistic cookery turns the plain grub
into the butterfly of astronomical
beauty.-Puck.
Making love is game that two can
play at. When there are three 1t Ia
work.-Siftings.
When a thing is whispered 1T travels
faster than when it is shouted from the
house tops.--New York Sun.
The man who doesn't yell at run
away team has missed great oPportu-
nity.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Speaking of forcing an issue, that's
just what the newsboys are trying to do
when they are yelling an extra.
The sore head is a fellow who gets
jammed between his own ideas and pub
lie sentiment. .-Westfield Standard.
sI wonder why he always has lady
stenographers2" she probably believes
-
eyes" said Mrs. Beaconstreete, "my
father made his fortune by the perspira-
ton of his forehead. Harvard Lam
poon.
"What made Carter try dialect writ
ing2" "Because he has never been able
to spell anything correctly. New York
Mercury.
The sawmill sometimes in -esses the
operator with the fact that ss an
s'off hand" way of doing thing 's-
ton Courier.
Father Coming home) -"Is
out2" Hopeiul-''No but the lamk
That Spitkins feller's here again. "-Bt
ton Transcript.
Jason says, speaking of school disci-
pline, the hardest thing to keep in order
at cooking school is your stomach
Elmira Gazette.
When the crinoline comes there will
still be plenty of room at the top. But
men, unfortunately, can not walk on the
ceiling.
Chappy-"You needn't try to put me
in the SOUP" Maud-"T shouldn't
think of it; noodles go in the gravy
Kate Fields Washington.
tsI haven't any of the liquid quality
that musicians talk about, said the bass
drum, shut can drown out the rest OF
the band, just the same"
ssIf person is talented l can always
tell it from his face" $50 can /; one
glance at Miss Soluso's face would prove
to me that she paints. Truth.
A number of students at Yale have
been found guilty of cribbing at exami-
Dations. The faculty should have put
Yale lock on the cribs. bs.-Philadelphia
Record.
He-"Remember that you have prom
ised solemnly to be sister to me-" She
-"Yes; but you mustn't act as If you
thought you were the only relative OF
chat kind have in the world. BOSTON
Beacon.
"It is conducive to health to keee the
mouth closed, is it not, doctora" "Gen-
orally speaking, yes. In fact, when one
gets out in Arizona, it is the only sure
way to avoid sudden death. Indian
apolis Journal.
Jaspar-"Bighead is strange man
for a philosopher" Jumpuppe-"In-
deedi" Jaspar-"Yes. He said that
all men are merely ANIMALS, and yet got
angry when l called him an ass. -
Buffalo Express.
"What is the difference between hu-
NOR and nonsense2" said the inquisitlve
man. "Humor," replied the candid
man, sis represented by the joke you
make yourself; nonsense is represented
by the joke some other fellow makes"
WASHINGTON Star