Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1893-12-24

"PARDoN Us, )" HE SAID HUABLY.
were even slight smiles upon the faces
OF the inwardly raging Mr.. Van Tassel,
the outwardly flaming Mr.. Cowies and
the monocle eyed Mr.. Girard.
--"when | was in Yale, don't you
know" Jones repeated, looking up in
apparent surprise, II was struck by
the re Election that proper table man
ners are not born, but made, don't you
see, for the child that is born, as we all
were, with silver spoon, so to speak,
don't you see, in its mouth will, when
az table, remove the spoon and try 90
play Annie Rooney and similar tunes
popular with the canaille on the doilies.
Years OF training alone, don't you
know, give one polish In table etiquette.
Even You, Cornelius, probably used
your silver spoon for drumstick when
you were q child. dare say"
''Id like to use"-beGan Mr.. Van
Tassel. with a roar OF pent.up rage.
Cornelius, for heavens sake, for my
sake, do be quiet" pleaded his dis
tracted wife.
'Corneius, II You don't stop roaring
so, I'll not only gag you, but Pll also
have our mutual friend, McAlister, ex-
pei you from. the One Hundred and
Fifty" murmured Mr. Jones, toying
With bis revolver. Sorry you don't
like oysters" he continued, coolly APP
propriatlng the plate OF the helpless
Vaa Tassel.
Evidently Mr.. Glrard and Mr.. Cowles
we're not fond OF Blue Points also, for
the Boweryites followed Jones' example
and transferred their oyster dredging
operations from their own empty plates
to the full plates Of Van Tassel's male
guests.
"Bue Points are so small, don't you
know, that really shall be compelled
TO accept your offer" Mr.. Jones said
apologetically a few moments later as
be took Mrs. Girard's oysters In the
same delerential manner bis Bowery
friends made way with the bIvalyes
huddled together on the plate OF the
other helpless iadies. and then, follow
ing the example Of Mr.. Jones, carefully
wiped the oyster forks on their napkins
and pat them in their pockets"
"Your souvenirs are so pretty muir
INJURED Jones, "that they fairly carry us
away"
"Ill serve the consomme," he added
to Betty, who had Just come IN with tho
tureon, "ior Mrs. Van Tassel seems 10 be
fully occupied"
The appetzlng odor OF tho soup
caused nine mouths TO water; but. as In
the case of the oysters, six OF them
watered in vain.
"Where are you going, my pretty turk
'rm going 10 dinner" she said WITH a
smirk.
"May 20 with you, my turkey maidF'
Nobody axed you, SIR she said,
murmured Mr.. Jones as The big brown
bird, hot aud steamlnz aud redOlent OF
sayory dressing, was deposited IN front
OF him by the maid. Betty" he con-
tlnued. beginning 20 carve The fol
with apparent skill, don't for h
wines. Wine Is q mocker, dOn't yvd
know, but strong drink doesn't seem
to have been raging very much around
here yet, don't YOU see, but-but II will
be shortly, when the Bowery Is Heard
from"
Then Mr.. Jones served the Christ
mas turkey in his most polite manner.
white or dark?" he would ask enc
OF the company. San, yes, TO be sure.
You always preferred the dark meat.
How deuced stupid Of me not TO re-
memberl Cornelius" be said as be
deftly removed and divided one Of the
turkeys legs, heres a drumstick for
YOU Ia remembrance OF your Infancy,
don't you see; but, C0rney, for heavens
sake, don't pound out Annie Rooney
on the dollies with III.
"B-bah Jovsl Dueced shame" cried
Dir. Glrard.
Not until every person at the table
had been helped did Mr.. Jones turn
his attention 70 his own plate. When
be and the Bowsry boys did get fairly
to work. however, turkey, cranberry
sauce. turkey dressing, vine and the
numerous other deiicacies that COM
posed the Van Tassels' Christmas din
ner vanished from view Ike q Kansas
town in the track Of cyclone.
When the three strange guests had
deyoured the turkey on their own plates
thew turned 70 ia the most polite man
per and asslsted the Van Tassels, the
Glrards and the CoWles. The dinner
psssed OF very well, considering the
circumstances, as Mr. Jones af;erTard
remarked.
Those Gramercy Park people. don't
you know. were rather stupid. They
| didn't talk much. They ate even less.
The Bowery people, too. were no better
as conversa.ionalisIs, but there was
nothing the matter, don't you know.
about their appetites. / never before
/ saw sncn a demonstration OF the SHOW
cling CAPACITIES Of the ordinary table
| knife. But amused them all. doE'i
| Won understand. l was not only after.
| dinner. but mid-dInner and beioie-din'
ner speaker. sad tod few good storie.
that I see Depew has since got mold o.. :
By the time tho different courses had
been served and the coffee came on II
the Dresden china after dinner cups
the Dcckets OF Mr.. Jones and his com
panions were fairly Bullying With spoons
knives AID forks. AID u was evident
rat the heavy movement in silver va:
sooa ID commence. The only interrup
slon "A the dinner occurred when. Jus
ss 20 Jones was drinking Mr.. Van Tas
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