The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1893-12-19

and ordered a lunch to be brought to
me at the end of the link. The link is
the round one has to make, a sort of
tour over the cath, as Clarence calls it,
with gopher holes so far apart, which
you go for with your ball The win
ner is the man who gets his ball in these
gopher holes with the least number of
swats. That's swat's the matter.
You hit the ball as hard as possible
in getting from one hole to another,
and the game is fraught with as much
excitement as kicking a frozen fried
cake along a wintry road. When you
get near the hole, however, you must
be careful, OF you will miss. You
must also get your ball out of any bad
place, too, where you have driven it,
and must use the golf club to do it
with, too.
You can imagine how l felt when I
drove my ball into the midst of a pic
mic here, and it landed in the MARINA
lade glass of a young lady of a r
beauty. Knowing the rules of the
game, she remained like a statue until
I came up and with wonderful skill
drove the ball safely across the field,
leaving a track of marmalade "'arf
way across the 'eath, as Clarence said.
This incident was printed and com
mented upon adversely by the London
press. so I give it here correctly in
order to set myself right.
The press in stating that 1 scattered
a quart of jelly, a jar of pickles and
the brains of an intelligent dog yer
the entire party was grossly wong,
and the report hurt me a good deal
among friends who had invited me to
como and play golf with them and
who afterward excused themselves on
the ground that diphtherla had broken
out in their families.
Golf is a Scottish game, and is as full
of dry humOr and pious, ringing, girl
ish laughter as the death of Lady Jane
Grey.
Yesterday Mr.. Gladstone laid aside
the polka dot cravat which he has used
so long. This is a sign that summer is
over now. In the spring he puts it on
when the Maltese catsktns show them
selves on the willows. Gladstone still
wears the scarlet wooden socks, how
ever, which he had in 1889, when l
first visited England a poor and IN
known tourist
Now how different! l have come
here on a Dutch steamer only to be the
pet and f4vorite of duchesses ever since
my arrival.
Just to show a friend from Dakota
my pull here, the other day while 1
was walking with him or ST. James
street I heard the foot of the tallyho
coach from Hampton Court. The
driver is dressed as swell as possible in
fine fitting uniform with white beaver
hat, and the footman looks like Thack-
eray's dream.
There" says L, "Alick, that's my
fourth hand coming now. How would
you like to take a fier down to Hamp-
ton Court to see if 1 have paid too much
for it. Y go tooling down there with
me, look at the ran he and. range,
water, grass for stock, ETC., and then
tell me what it's worth. If I've paid
too much for it, I want to know it, so
as to stop payment on one of my
checks"
When the coach got alongside the
soloist blew a merry blast which made
Everybody look around. 1 threw up
my hand in a courtly way, acquired
while justice of the police court in
Laramie City, and stopped the gor
gorgeous equippage. Fortunately we
were the only passengers, so [ showed
my friend how the brake worked, told
him I bought the off wheeler Of the
speaker of the house of commons and
generally gave him the history and
price of everything. We had a good
time, and 1 blew him off at the Queens
Arms at Hampton to lunch. It a a
mighty tough lunch, I must admit. A
hot Irish stew with ''shillalys" in it
and a mug of bitter constituted the en-.
tire programme, and to one who is not
used to it beer from a metal mug tastes
like boneset drunk from a new zinc
lined sink.
But he had a good time. Iasked the
driver now and again how the leaders
were standing it since the rainy
weather, and all such things, till my
friend Alick said:
eyer a regular oner, amt ye3 Lord,
but don't yer put it on over here,