The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1893-06-18

ladies' who were in attendance. with a
| detailed description Of the coors. fabrics.
! styles fits and trimmings Of their gowns,
| besides quite a lengthy comment on tho
| various qualities and denominations OF
| the Jewels they wore.
The city editor is clamoring for space,
! the reporters have orders 20 Kill every
| word that does not pertain 10 a big fire.
bold murder. thrilling divorce suit, or
| daring burglary" Page after page Of
copy finds IT'S way 20 the spacious waste
| basket. and in the midst Of the mathcma-
! teal problem Of how the greatest amount
/ of matter can be put into the smallest
! space, the editor tackles the communca-
! ton. and views with something like a
! smile of pity these words written at the
| bottom. please insert this as a local.
| II absolutely necessary 10 cut il down a
| little, you may leave out the description
/ of the pictures on the wall" The editor
! doesn't say a word bur he thinks out
| loud. The report IS consigned 10 the
waste-Gasket. and the following substitu-
ted: 1.-THE Misses So-and-So gave an
entertainment last night" Yes, jour
nalists Often meet with queer experiences.
Every politician should solicit the pa
tronage of certain classes Of people. Some
collar the bone capitalist. thereby secur-
ing coins for the campaign; others hob
mob with the editor Of the "Skinauarter
Weekly Record" believing, as they do
I'm the power Of the press. not a few take
julep with the president of the Rag
Tag Union" realizing his influence with
that influential organization; while still
another class Of asprants feel the po-
iitical pulse Of the Tank Up Democratic
Club" having observed that the mem
bers Of that pGl-hustling body always
vote according 20 the example sat by their
eloquent chairman. Now, there IS my
friend, Captain Taylor Stratton. He's
running for the Legislature-or rather
he's walking. for the Captains too fat
20 run But he's going 10 get there II he
has TO crawl. lie decided TO champion the
WOrkingmcn's interests. At a recent
meeting Of the Common Council he ac-
c0rdinsly submitted an ordinance recon-
mending that certain contracts of the
city be not awarded 20 any one employ
ing convict labor. thereby knocking the
Workineman out OF a job. IL you'll just
listen to o chirp or two from Your Uncle
Fuller. the spherical Captain knew what
he was doing. or course. the labOrins
men Will get up mighty political rallies.
burn torchlights and drink beer till 3
o'clock I'm the fnornins-all in the interests
OF Captain StrattOn. one good turn de-
serves another. It's a question Of graft
trde, you see. and If the laboring men
fail 20 DO the correct thing. why. If / was
the Captain / wouldn't think Of iutroduc-
ms any more measures I'm their behalf.
My reader. IL you expect TO run-or
even walk. like Captain Stratton does
for the Legislature, or some other po-
lltical honor, you might as we'll make
mp your mind 10 "stand I'm with" some
class, union. trust. band or collection OF
some character or other Even though
10 have no more influence than a Society
for the Prevention Of Swearing on the
Public Streets, there's nothing like con-
Meeting ones candidacy with the interest
Of an organization. If you wish to serve
your country through either public
trust as n legislator. or a private snap,
as councilman. profit by a fat mans
example. and go thou and do likewise"
There's nothing like putting aside a few
shekels FOR old age. Now, here's your
Uncle Fuller approaching his three score
end ten. not a single fament on the
surface Of his Uranium dhey say all wise
men are bald. and just enough lucre
lad by for a trip TO PeterSburg for the
sake OF variety. But there's a certain
phianthropist q in Richmond who once
upon a time-no matter when conceived
a rather unique plan by which 10 rea-
lie a little "wherewithal" in n financial
way. He discovered some kind Of con-
cOction, the ingredients Of which were
known principally 10 the discoverer.
and sOoU succeeded I'm getting IL on the
market. This is the way he did it: A
box containing many walls Of the sup
posed remedy was left at various drug
stores in the city. the conditions being
that the box could not be returned
broken. In other words. il a vial Of the
substance was disposed Of the discoverer
OF the connection should be compensated
for the entir, box. The several cases
remained undisturnbed for some time.
and the sole patentee began 70 fear there
wasn't going 10 be a bowling demand for
his goods. He accordingly engaged the
services of a man out Of a job, so II IS
said. 20 go around 10 the different es-
Establishments where his boxes had been
left and purchase n vial OF the remedy
guaranteed 10 cure everything from a
case Of im-jams to a leg OF pork. This
done, bills for the entire boxes were at
once presented. many OF which were
paid The philanthropist, OF course.
realized a snug little sum. Some dis
tinguished man said that there were
thicc ways 10 get nFcnnOOd, steal III,
beg IT, earn It," The enterprising phi
lanthropst earned II.
The Worlds Fair! Everybody I'm Rich
monc ran Wild over the contemplated trip
to the Windy city. where IL was believed
that the inquisitive visitor from Lind
says Cross Roads could stand with his
mouth open for hours viewing the Won
ders Of the universe and revel In the
novelties OF every conceivable exhibit,
from a "chaw tobacco" To an Egyptian
pyramid. Pity so many returned deeply
to have learned that after
all the puff and blow the layout was
more like Pork City Fair. with merry
go-rounds. fakir games and lemonade and
peanut stands, despite the fact that the
inspired many . Western society