Alpena argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1893-1909, 1893-05-10


town." said the subscriber, rushing
in. IL know it," sighed the editor
"and | owe him six months salary
Atlanta Constitution.
Scads-You say he left no mon
ey? Baggs-No. You see, he
lost his health getting wealthy
and then lost all his wealth trying
to get healthy.--Montreal Gazette.
Milkman (apologetically 1.-The
milk is a little blue this morning"
Mrs. Housekeeper-"It must be
thinking how everlasting poor it is
getting Troy Press.
"You say you wunst lived off'n
the fat of the land" jeered Walka-
bout Beggs. How'd ye eat it?"
"Ett it with the forks of the road"
responded Rusty Rufus.--Chicago
Tribune.
81 wish" said the embarrassed
looking man, who had tried to dance,
'that it wasn't so hard to catch a
train at the depot and so hard to
mis-. it in ballroom. w ashing-
ton Star.
"Well, Johnny, are you able to
keep your place in your classes?'
Johnnie-"Yes, sir; l began at the
foot and there's not a single boy
been able to take it from me. "
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Poverty is a disease" howled
the speaker. "And yet" murmured
the poor chap in the back of the
hall, 1--WE who are afflicted with it
are arrested whenever we take any
thing for it!'-Vogue.
Mr.. South-"I'll buy some of
those new scarfs you so admire if
you refer me to somebody to tie the
knot" Miss North--"Why don t
you see our pastor?"- ?"--Clothier and
Haberdashers' Weekly.
"This parrot can recommend
He has only one fault; he makes a
terrible row if he does not get his
dinner promptly" Widow: 81
shall take him. He will remind me
of my late husband, ",--Fliegende
Blaetter.
Miss Fuzzie-'I want to break
my engagement with Mr.. Sappie,
but | don't know how to do it with
out driving the poor fellow to sui
eide" Little Brother-"Why
don't you let him see you in curl
papers ?"-Good News.
Doctor-"Well, my fine little fell
low, you have got quite well again
| was sure that the pills | left for
you would cure you. How did you
take them, in water or in cake?'
.s
"Oh, | used them in my pop-gun."
Tit Bits.
"Well, | declare" said young Mr..
Dolley, as he sat in Miss Munn's
parlor at IL p. M, my foot has
gone to sleep"
Happy foot" exclaimed Miss
Mum, in envious tones.-F. Is. q.
Monthly.
"Gusher is not very happy in his
choice of adjectives." "Why SOP"
"Miss Gumms fshed for compli-
ment by asking what he thought of
her new slippers" "And what did
he say?" "He said they were i'm
mense. Chicago Mail.
Jack-"How are you going to
spend the summer?" Tom-"Tm
going to put it in travelling from
one summer resort to another until
find girl worth million or two
who wants to be loved and married
for herself alone" Truth.
Stuart-"Did Senator Proseigh-
man look much exhausted after the
conclusion of his two hours or
ation?"
Snarleigh-"No, not person In
the entire audience showed fewer
signs of fatigue than he. Brook
lyn Life.
Look here" he said Indignantly
to the man with the hungry cow,
"don't you see that keep off the
grass sign?'" "Yes." "Well, yer
cows on the grass" 81 know it,
mister" was the placid answer, II
know it just as well as you do.
You see, that COW can't read. -
Washington Star.
The pastor-"Miss Ethel, you
should be engaged in some mission
airy work"
Miss Ethel-"Oh, am, and have
been for some time pastr
The pastor--"I'm gratifed to