davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
Artemus Wards Notebook.

Mr.. Don c. Seitz contributes to The
Century an account Of the only literary
relic left by Artemus Ward, the first
American hGmorist who made reputa-
ton in Europe. The relic is a little old
black morocco notebook. From 1860 till
the close Of 1854 It ira geled with Arte-
mus. 1t was his aruidebook, memoran-
DUN book and notebook. In it he jotted
down the humorous ideas that came into
his brain from time to time on railway
trains, in hotels, anywhere and every
where. From these scribblings the
quaint, half merry, half melancholy
humorist made up the lectures that used
to convulse audiences withlaughter from
Boston to the Pacific coast.
But Artemus Wards greatest success
was in England. Even in his day Lon
don success made the reputation of an
American in his own land. Poor Ward
was always worried about financial mat
ters, we find. His lecture tours paid
well, but the agent got the lions share,
as always On the long, comfortless
journeys to fill his engagements he
divided the time between trying to get
his jokes into shape and wondering
whether he would have good audience
in the next town.
Ia the old book now in Mr.. Seitz's pos
session are some Of the sentences which
afterward became world famous as the
sayings Of Artemus Ward. We find
here, Coffee is a slow poison-the slow
est on record" "Why do the summer
roses fade? Because it is their biz" Kin
to this, though not mentioned by Mr..
Seitz, is that other reflection on the mu-
steal ability of young lady who lifted
her voice to the music of the well known
air, TIN Saddest When | Sing" "She
ought to be-" quOth Arteinus.
The old book contains the figures of
the amounts which Ward received for
his lectures, also the agents share of the
proceeds. They are suggestive, to say
the least. Next to his European tour
his most gratifying professional success
was made by Ward in the west. The
miners went wild over him, and in Ne
vada they gave him gold chain so long
and heavy that it was burden TO wear
it. HE first taught the citizens of the
republic how funny they really We're,
truly remarks Seitz. As funny as any
thing in the story is the fact that Wards
mother was utterly destitute Of humor
and could see not much else than idiocy
in her sons performances. The humor-
lists private, personal life was ''full of
mental melancholy"
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
Chicago Hosts and Hostesses.

The etiquette of Chicago hostesses the
coming summer is, it seems, presenting
itself to some of them. Said one the
other day: MY house is to be filled al
most from May to November. / have
made dates, as the theatrical men say,
for weeks ahead, and there are enough
more of incidental guests to fill in the
few unoccupied weeks. And now l pro-
pose to let them understand that it is
going to be out of the question for me
to guide them about the fair. AS | am
able and feel the desire ! shall go, but to
act as perpetual cicerone l cannot and
certainly, it may be added, no sensible
visitor will expect it.
Aword might be added on the visitors
side. Don't, as hostesses, ask of them
the same qualities of responsive enter
tainment that would be expected under
other circumstances. Days Of such COM
pick and absorbing sightseeing as the
fair will offer will prove fatiguing to ex-
haustion to many persons, and rest and
relief from company pitch will be inn
perative. New York Times.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

1t begins to look as though it We're
safe to venture on a mild comment
upon our Italian climate and Japan
current, Possibly the sun spots which
were reported by the astronomers as
causing the excessive backwardness of
spring have disappeared, thereby al
lowing old Sol to perform his accus-
toned duties without hindrance. Ger
tainly the weather recently has been a
perfect dream of delight, and Fair
haven is fully ready for inspection by
either Alaska tourists, Worlds fair
visitors, or any others who may come
this way. Farmers report that if the
sunshine of the last few days will con-
tiaue, the present year will show an
unprecedented yield of crops through
out the entire state.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
Fossil OF 8 Mammoth Reptife.

That mammoth fossil discovered on the
banks of Montezuma creek in Colorado
is not myth The work Of excavation
is now going on under the direction Of
an agent of Yale college, which has Sc
cured the remains. The reptile (for so it
is classed), judging from its vertebrae,
ribs, etc, must have been at least 100
feet long. The ribs measure IS inches
in width. The bones are Embedded in a
hillside of coarse sandstone and distrib-
uted over a space Of 600 feet. Some Of
them have been taken ont weighing a
few pounds and others hundreds Of
pounds. Professor Q. G. Marsh of Yale
writes as follows:
IF anywhere near as large as repre-
scented. the animal is probably a dinosaur
from the jurassic, perhaps similar to the
one | named atlantosaurus, which was
found near Morrison in your state.
Other specimens nearly allied have been
found near Canon City in the same for
nation Other very large reptiles have
been found in the cretaceous, especially
in Colorado and Wyoming. but none is
known from the carboniferous. have
myself never been in the immediate re-
gion where this new fossil is said to have
been found, but the jurassic is well de-
veloped east and north of there, making
it probable that it mey exist in the To-
cality named. Colorado Sun.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
Actual state of the Pension List.

We find from DR.. Albert Shaw's pa
per in The Review of Reviews that since
1868 more than 2,000,000 applications for
pensions have been filed by people who
solemnly swore with corroborative wit
nesses" that they were entitled under
pension list. In 1866 there were 80, 177
new pensioners. After that the list de
clined somewhat till 1876, after which
year it began to increase. After "the
memorable law of 1890" it jumped up
with great bound. In 1876 only 9,977
new names were added to the list. Dur
ing the year ending June 80, 1892, 224,-
047 additional claims were allowed.
DIR. Shaw admits that there are two
points Of view to the pension question,
Numerically opposite, which different
individuals may honestly take, But when
it comes to the concrete administration
of the present laws he is sure both sides
will agree on the one point that there
should be the most searching scrutiny
used to keep the rolls clear of frauds and
perjurers." AS to the present number of
pensioners and the sum required to pay
them, he writes:
We have admitted to the roll since the out
break of the war nearly l,j0O,0OO pensioners Of
whom not far from l,OO0,OO0 survive to this day
and are public beneficiaries. OF those now on
the list more than half have been added since
the Inauguration OF Mr.. Harrison in 1889. Until
1880 yearly disbursements for pensions had
never reached S350O,0OO. In 1888 fiscal year.
they approached Ssd,000,0d0. In 1899 they ex-
ceeded Sl40,0O0O00. Existing requirements can
hardly be met with less than Sl75,0O0OO0 a year.
and 1t Is foreseen that s200,000,0o annually will
very soon be needed. The act of 1890 admitted
to relief any surviving Union soldiers who
had grown disabled and needy, providing their
physical disabilities were in any way traceable
to their service in the army.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
Hurt bx Drumming water.

An American acrobat in Vienna won
a queer wager on Wednesday. He bet a
considerable sum with Vienna strong
man that he could not endure to have q
liter of water fall drop by drop from
height of three feet upon his hand.
When 300 drops had fallen, the athletes
face became red, and he looked as if in
pain. At the four hundred and twentieth
drop he gave up, saying it was impossi-
BILE to bear the pain any longer. The
palm of his hand was swollen and in
famed, and in one place the skin had
broken open. Only a small portion of
the liter of water had gone to make mp
the 40 drops New York Sun.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
Prices of Easter Flowers In New York.

Never since New York first became n
city has the flower mania broken out so
virulently as this year. The florists say
that while no season can vie with Easter
in the number Of flowers used the floral
observance of the season was more gen
eral this year than for many past years.
Their sales during holy week are said to
have reached $500, GOO One dealer under
the Coleman House is said to have sold
$50, 900 worth Of flowers in 40 hours.
On the day before Easter American
Beauties sold at $50 a dozen, or $3.50
apiece, and were not abundant at that
figure. But at the Thirty-fourth street
exchange the highest quotation for them
was 60 cents, or S7.20 per dozen.
Russian violets were quoted at s. per
1000; pinks. SO per 100; lilies of the val
ley, $4 per 1OO Roman hyacinths, 81 per
100; acacia hyacinths, 40 cents spray;
genestas, 10 cents a spray. There ought
to be money for young ladies in raising
flowers to sell at these prices. The mar
ket is Unsuitable New York Cor. San
Francisco Argonaut.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

II is satisfactory to learn that Colonel
c. J. Murphy, European agent of the
United States department of agriculture,
reports continued and increasing de-
mand for American cornmeal food prod
ucts. This is especially true of Germany,
where the problem of cheap subsistence
for human beings is so serious a one. At
the same time we must not forget that
the increased demand is greatly owing
to the patriotic efforts of ''Cornmeal
Murphy" himself.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

William Dinley, while fishing on the
Brazos last week, experienced a great
deal of trouble with large fish. He
had caught a 9-pound catfish and put
him back in the water. and before start
ing for home went in his boat for him and
found that another fish had swallowed
him. He tried to pull him out, but he
was so enormously large he dipped the
boat in the struggle. The line which
was thick with fishhooks, caught MIR.
Dinley, and he could not let 60 Neither
could the fish. Down the river they
went, first one on top and then the other.
Poor William was just able to keep up
with his boat. At last the man got
loose, but the fish and the boat made
their way to deep water at Velasco. The
fish was supposed to weigh over 300
pounds. The fisherman returned to town
to see a doctor. His hands were severely
cut with the fishhooks and the fish line.
Sixteen fishhooks were sticking in him.
Millican Cor. Galveston News.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
American Archaeological Work In Greco

American Archaeological Work In Greece.
Some interesting results have been OBJ
tanned from the researches of the Amer
lean School of Archaeology at the Ha-
rBum, or Temple of Hera, situated be-
tween Argos and Mycene. The excava-
lions, which are being carried on by
about 200 wotlmen under the superin-
tendence of DIR. Charles Waldstein, have
revealed the site and foundations of the
ancient temple mentioned by Homer,
which was burned down in the year 423
B. c. A platform of polygonal pave
ment has been laid bare, bove which
was found layer of debr > containing
fragments of charred wood, melted
bronze and other indications of conha-
grafton. Numerous specimens Of pottery
of so called Mycenaan proto-Corinthian
and geometrical patterns have been OBJ
tanned. These and the other works of
art found are all of the remotest antiq-
uity and form discovery of considerable
Importance and value.-London Times.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
BILL NYE'h LETTER

The following letter on the Bellipg-
ham bay cites from the versatile-and
perhaps witty-pen Of Bill Nye con-
tains one or two points which furnish
food for meditation. He seems to have
received some points from the secret
circles of the "inside' on the subject of
waiting for the coming Of railroad ter
minals, for there is no question but
that a number of us have pinned our
faith to the anticipated "big move
mentsu of some railroad, and expect 10
fight it out with waiting if it takes the
balance Of the century. In the sentence
"Fairhaven and New Whatcom with a
transcontineDtal line would be a great
success" Bill is simply mot in it, 50
far as accurate knowledge is concerned,
for there are already two transconti-
mental lines terminating on the Bay,
and two more making desperate efforts
to land here The much-read humor.
list % was certainly favorably i'm
pressed with the Bay cities, as the fol-
lowing letter will show:
New Whatcom and Fairhaven TO-
gether constitute beautiful semicrcle
about Bellingham bay in the new state Of
Washington. Fairhaven is quiet just
now, and q good place to think ia or bring
up family, but it fears not 1t is gener-
ally believed that James Hill is waiting
till property gets low enough to buy read
lily then will scoop IT in and establish the
terminus Of the Great Northern railroad
there.
A." do not know whether he will do so
or not. Some think he will, and some
think he will not. | once lived in town
for sometime and held two lots with the
hope that Mr.. Gould would build there
aud erect large shops employing over a
thousand men, but Mr. Gould died with
out having done so.
Fairhayen ard New Whatcom with a
transcontinental road would be a great
success. All they lack is people That is
true Of this whole region.
More honest sweat and less scanning
OF theGorizon for railroads would look
well. The growth Of all the cities of this
new Northwest even in the last three
years since / visited it is astonishing even
TO one who has made a solemn promise that
he will meyer be astonished.
There was never a better time for the
dissatisfied man of the states to come. He
should not expect to make a competency
while playing high five and waiting for
his lots 10 go up, but come here with his
working clothes and go in to win, If you
buy Tot, buy it for 30-year investment
and not for the purpose of selling it to-
morrow for a bank to build on.
There are good many large trees to
be cut down in Washington and many
farms to make in order to support such
cities as New Whatcom before a trade
can be built mp with Mongolia.
But everything is new and up to date
wherever one goes. You will find no hell
cords with tassels on them in this city,
but the very latest thing made. 1t is so
IN everything. Even the Salvation Army
looks more prosperous than it does in
older states It's band is more attractive
and sometimes plays a tune. 1t has done
great good by working among the coach
men who gather, with their carriages,
about the entrance Of the opera house
where we play"
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

The very excellent motto of a certain
agricultural paper is this, lit pays to
think" So it does, brother; so it does.
But millions of people think they thinl;
when they are merely accepting the
opinions of other people-worst of all
sometimes of individuals who have been
dead 2 1000 or 1000 years.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

The total amount Of money in circula-
ton in the United States in gold, silver
and notes of all kinds is 81 500, OPS. 1886.
That gives us $23.97 to the population.
The amount Of money in circulation in
the country has since April decreased by
nearly 100000.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

The idea of government agricultural
stations, and by their means of improv-
ing farming methods and aiding the rural
population, was evolved in France. At
the Worlds fair is a complete model of a
French government agricultural scien-
tifc station. Chemistry of the soil plays
a great part in French scientific farm
ing.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
wHATCOM ROUTE

iClose connection with y. p, train from
Portland and San Francisco.
Steamers City OF Kingston and City o.
ma wharf with trains to and from Portland
and with the east and west bound overland
trains.
Full information concerning rates. ii ne OF
trains, routes and other details, furnished
on application TO any agent. or to
n. ID. CHETHAM,
Agent, New WbatCOm.
A. ID. CHARLTON,
Asst Gen. Pass. Agent, Cor. Washington and
First SITS, Portland, Or.
RICHARDS & EASTON,
Harris Street. Fairhaven, Wash
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

Reports from the San Juan gold re
gion are fattering in the extreme. Sew
eral new properties are being developed
with excellent results, and number of
abandoned claims have been taken NJ
and are yielding gold in paying quantity.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

A recent dispatch assures us in the
most serious manner that a certain dis
trict of this fair country has been visited
by storm that ratified hailstones all
over, "the average size of the hailstones
being as large as bullets May it not
be possible that there is some little ex-
aggeration in this storm story
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

It ia the fashion now for these who de-
fault in their accounts to attempt sui
eide. They are usually careful not to
make go Of it, however.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

Perhaps when people find they can get
all the gold coin they want from tho
United States treasury they will NOT
want IL any mora
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
STEAMER DISPATCH
Str. ISLAND BELLE

TIME CA ND
Whatcom, Fairhaven. Olga. Newhall
East Sound, 0rcas. Lopas, Friday
Harbor, Roche Harbor,
Victoria
VIII leave Whatcom. Z am; Fairhaven
7:2Q a. m; every Monday. "Wednesday
and Friday for the above points, arriving
az Victoria at $50 D. m.
Returning. leave Victoria at a. m.
every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday
ior above points, arriving at Fafrhaven,
p. M: New Whatcom, $50 .. m.
TOT freight and passenger rates apply al
Ocean Dock or
s. S. LESTER,
Manager. New whatcom
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

Favorite song Of the spring shopper.
Sweet Buy and Boy"
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
for Infants and Children.

Castoria cures Collie, Constipation,
Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea Eructation,
Kills Worms, gives sleep, and promotes d.
gestion,
without injurious medication.
For several years have recommended
your Castoria, aud shall always continue 10
do so as it has invariably produced beneficial
results
EDWIN T. PARDEs. M. D.,
"The Winthrop, 4" 125th Street and 7th Ave,
New York City.
COMPANY, "a MURRAY STREET, new Yong.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

"The use OF 'Castoria' Is so universal and
its merits so well known that 1t seems work
OF supererogation to endorse il. Few are the
intelligent families who do not keep Castoria
within easy reach"
CARLOS MARTYR, D. D.,
Nsw York City,
Late Pastor Bloomingdale Reformed Church.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
FAIRHAVEN WEATHER

Recorded by Henri Engberg
THURSDAY, May 25-Temperature, Z d.
m, 62; p. m, ~; 9 D. m, S. Mean tenn
perature, 62.5. Barometer, 30.2.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

Steamers City Of Kingston and City Of
Seattle make connections at Port Townsend
for passengers going from Beilingham Bay
points to Victoria and return.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

"Castoria Is so well adapted to children that
recommend it as superior to any prescription
known TO me-" II. A. ARCHER, III. D.,
III So, oxford St., Brooklyn, N. Y.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26

For Terminal and Interior Points the
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1893-05-26
STEAMBOATS, AND RAILRoADs
B. B. & 3. G.. r. r

Schedule No. 7 taking effect April 0 D. 3
at | o'clock.
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1893-11-25
Art InstructIon.

An artist had sold a picture for an
exhorbitant price and the purchaser
sued TO recover. The attorney for the
purchaser was making the artist un-
comfortable by his questions NOW,
sir, he said in that pleasant ingratiat-
ing manner in lawyers with witness
do you think anybody could see beauty
in that picture?" 'some persons cer-
tainly could" replied the artist ''You
think the initiated in technical matters
might have no difficulty in understand
ing your worlt?'' 81 am sure they
would not ''Do you think you could
make me see any beauty in that pic
ture?" this most snperciliously. Prob
ably not, now, strand the artist was
most humble-"but once | could have
done so easily ''Now, sir, how is
that? don't understand you. Ex-
plain, If you please That's quite
easy, sir. ! could have done il simply
by employing you as counsel in this
case. Detroit Free Press
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1893-11-25
Hindonstanea mac.

A few worlds of elementary instrue-
ton in Sancrist and Hindoostanee as
to the meaning of the titles borne by
the oriental potentates. The simplest
of these royal titles is that of rajah,
which is literally king" but is APP
piled even TO pretty princelihg. A
maharjah is a great king usually a
ruler who retains some degree Of actu-
al sovereignty. not compelled to look to
the British official resident at his court
for authority to act The feminine Of
rajah is rani, better known in the An
glo-Indian form of rannee, and this is
the proper designation of a reigning
Hindoo princess or queen. a begun,
whose characteristics every reader of
Thaekeray knows. is any princess or
other lady of rank and wealth-the
word being the Anglo-indian term for
the Hindoostanee began, princess
Nawab is our familiar "Nabob," which
has its origin in the same Hindoostanee
word. Officially, nawab is deputy
governor or viceroy. In pronouncing
the ais should be given the value of a
in "fall'' and the accent placed upon
the final syllable. In rajah the as are
given the sound of in father and the
its natural ound.-New York World.
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1893-11-25

Ex-Minister Dallas used to tell the
following anecdote of Jerome Bona
parte: He had been playing cards, un-
I'll he had lost all his ready money,
then pledged his rings, and finally laid
his watch on the table. 1T was small
gold one, the back of which opened
with spring. A lady overlooking the
game, admired the watch and took it
up TO examine On her attempting 70
open the back jerome Immediately
clasped it and said that must not be
done. His wife, who stood by, insisted
upon knowing what was in it; grew
angry, reproached him with having
some keepsake of fayorite there and,
finally, bursting into tears. quit the
room. Jerome then opened the watch,
showed TO all present that it contained
a beautiful miniature of his first wife
Betsy Patterson, with the remark:
''You see, hope, that / could not, with
propriety, let her see it. !" II was no
torious that he remained deeply at
tached TO his first wife long after their
separation. --Argonaut
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1893-11-25

ball In the upper cell, and so on.
The bee prepares the pollen inside
OF the cells, kneading IL into balls
just as bakers knead bread dough.
When the bee fiies home she docs
not go straight in, for she knows
that there are enemies on the watch
TO steal the pollen and the eggs So
she hoyers about and flies hither and
thither without going very near the
hole. Suddenly she settles down
some feet from her front door and
walks as fast as she can TO her home.
Thus she puts the beetles and other
tramp bugs off the track.
The habit Of the cuckoo in squat
ting in the nests of other birds is
well known, and there is bee known
as the cuckoo bee" that never digs
or bores for herself. but hunts around
for the nice homes Of ground bees
that IL can enter and occupy. So IL
is with certain kinds OF beetles and
other bees. that sneak into the bur-
rows and lay their eggs there.
Thus Ii is that sometimes when
the young crawl out OF holes that
were bored by ground bees in the
spring they are just as apt TO be
beetles or cuckoo bees as anything
else