The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1893-01-18
WIT AND HUM0R.


in an intoxicated condition he recalls
the balmy days of the drama.-Boston
Gazette.
Friend: doctor, did you ever fight
a duelP No, indeed. What novelty
would it be for me to kill manP"-
Tezas Settings.
There is no fashion that gets out of
date so quick as the fashion of squeez-
ing the dear workingman's hands
round about election time.-Puek.
three days on that job; hard work,
tool" "Three on a little job like thatp"
"Yes, three: two in trying to get work,
and the other on the job."-Lye.
Mamma" asked the little girl, as
she looked at the china hen in the store
window, ais that the chicken that lays
the porcelain nest eggs?" Indta'aapo-
Us Journal.
He-"Will you marry me if 1 stop
smoking cigarettesP" She-"No, Mr..
Sappy.T / can't bear the idea of mar
rying man who does nothing
Brooklyas Life.
Mamma-"Well, did you tell God
how naughty you have beenP" Lily
mo, 1 was ashamed. thought it
had better not get out of the family"
-Brookly's Life.
1t is supposed that the lions into
whose den Daniel was thrown were So
ciety lions. They didn't take any no.
tice of him, it will be remembered.-
Boston Transcript.
"I hadn't heard that you'd been i'll,
Smithson." @Have though; been pretty
close to deaths door" as that SOP"
"Yes; two doctors in the house at the
same time.e-LJe.
@Why don't you propose to Miss
Squires if you like her SO muchP" "Im
waiting for Christmas. Then, you see,
can make the engagement ring serve
for a Christmas present.
Folleigh (who has been imbibing)-
@rm afraid somebody will detect my
breath" Nabors-"Well, the detec-
tive won't try to arrest it single-hand-
ed, you can count on that"
-aWouIdn't it be nice to have
an uncle in the circus businessp" Carl
Yes, indeed just think how nice
all the fellows at school would treat
you!'-H Harper's Ioang People.
The principal reason why those thin
waters you get at church-fair sup
per are called oyster fritters is because
you fritter. away SO much time looking
for the oysters Texas Sytings.
Larkin (to his wife)-@Did you hear
of the Rev. DR.. Thirdly's fallP" Mrs.
Larkin-aDear me, no! What has he
donepS Larkin-@He has fallen heir to
$4,000 by the death of an uncle. =
Truth.
The Riding Master-"Have you
learned to trot yet, Miss Mannley?"
Miss Mannley aaOh, yes; I could trot
all right if it weren't for the horse.
The plaguey thing keeps jogging up
and down so. o."s
Skipley-.See that woman talking
to Mai. BrassyP She and l are en-
gagged" Ripley-"E Engaged, you idiotP
Why, that's your wifei" Skiplay-"I
know it-but we are engaged to be di-
vorced. ."-LouisUiILe Co1rier-JournGl.
SIS my son through in his school
work, Mr. Pedagogp" asked Bosbyshell.
@Yes, he is" said the teacher. He
shows tendency to go to the bottom
of everything. think he will be foot
of his class in few days. ."--Harper'S
Bazaar.
@By Jove, Bronson, your wife is a
charming woman" sim glad you find
her SO, Parslow." 81 do, indeed. If
you ever contemplate getting divorced,
old man, let me know, will you? I'd
like to marry Mrs. Bronson myself
Judge.
Charles -sWhy will you not elope
with me, darling?" Ellen-"I would,
dearest, but that odious Mrs. Nuwed
/ gave SO cake dish to when she was
married owes me wedding present
and I'm not going to let her get off SO
easy"
Teacher-"If any pupil can answer
let her raise her hand. Well, Mary.
you tell" Mary-"Please, marin, l
don't know" "Then why did you raise
your handp" couldn't help it marm.
Uncle John gave me this ring last
evening. ."-Bostos transcript.
Spendquick--@You don't mean to
say you are stone broke? Have you
nothing you can "pop?" Jack Hard
uppe (after pause )-"Nothing but
the question" Spendquiek -"Pop that.
It'll bring you in cool thou, aud
you may get divorce. "-E1change.
City Missionary-"You say youshate
work or anything that works" The
OuO VI 4CO1 OOUA W1uA Au'
City Missionary-"But still you like
iquor-something that ferments-
works" The One of Leisure-"Then,
as I said before, down with itw-Pucb.
He-A wife, at any rate, ought to be
domesticated. She-That's just it. II
you were hiring servants for an estab-
ishment, you would get a separate
person for the cooking, washing and
sewing departments. But you men
expect a wife to be proficient in all
these branches.-IrWtb.
"How d'y do. We're sorter connect
ed in business, so we might as well be
sociable." 81 don't quite follow you,
replied the digniied stranger. "Why,
you're the superintendent of the in
sane asylum, aren't YEP" "Yes." We'll
I'm the man who wrote the leadin
popular song Washington Star.
"Bring me half cup" said the mas
ter of the house to the new domestic
"Be sure to remember that l Away
want half a cup for my second help
ing" The girl returned with a piece
of wrecked china, which she laid be
fore him. "It's as near half as coulC
get it. sor," she said, "the knife wal
dull. ll."-Detroit Free Press.
Ske-Where were you last night sc
late that you couldn't get home until
after midnightp He-I was down al
Jack Barney's Office, helping him make
out some statements. She oh, you
were, ehP Well, let me tell you this
If Mr.. Barney's statements aren't any
more reliable than the one you have
Just made, there will be some tall kick
ing among his customers.-Bostom Cou
rier.
young saleswoman in a dry-goods
store, who had just sold quantity O.
goods to lady, asked: "Willeyou have
the goods sent,or take them with youP'
"Do you expect that am going to car
ry bundle like that?" asked the shop
per, Indignantly. "Oh, no, madam,
answered the saleswoman, with perfec
suavity. Il supposed your carriag'
was at the door, and that you nigh
perfer to take your purchase with you.
And she scored one on the victorious
side.-MicAigan ITGdeSnean.
A certain minister, not a Thousand