The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1893-03-28
TWIN UNCLEs.
The Old Settler Philosophers On
an Important Subject.

ssWell. Squire" said the Old Settler,
as he took his accustomed seat at the
tavern, whats the news?"
1.-The latest" replied the Squire, lis
that Sabin Bifies' wife has ben dom
of it ag'in."
ssDoin' of it9" said the Old Settler.
s'Doin' O. whatp'
"Twinsl" replied the Squire, and his
tone implied that he looked upon such
a proceeding on the part of Mrs. Biffaes
as something most reprehensible.
"Poohl' exclaimed the Old Settler.
'tThar hain't much news in thatI'
That's SOP said the Squire. That's
the third time durin' six or seven years.
An yit Sabin Biffies comes up smilin'
an clipper, an bate he thinks the
queen O England can't hold candle
to one side O. his wife Sooky. Now if
was him, If wouldn't be skitterin'
around fer a deevorce it'd be queerl
That's what it wouldp'
'.Fiddlesticksl' said the Old Settler.
whats twins. in p'tic'lar. anyhow?
Leastways for Snively. Sooky BIZ
fies were Snively, an, lookin' back
fer forty year an better, / can't rec
omember when tina want twins in the
Snively family. That's jist the reason
l didn't marry into the Snivelys Mag
Snively, oil jeff Snively's gal, were the
incest an snappinest Snively o. the hull
passed., an she were dead sot on hav-
ing me. But that idee that seemed to
ha'nt the Snively family that the more
relations the Snivelys had in short
time the better'd be for the kentry,
kind o. made me shy off, and Mag mar
ried 'Riar Flott. l recomember that
arter 'Riar'd been married ten year,
an tina was four yoke o. twins in his
family already, he kim in one day look
in the most onmercifest worritted an
despairin' mortal man that nybody
ever see. Folks said to wunst that
they guessed tina was five yoke up to
the Flott clearin' now.
"'Well, 'Riar,' l says to him, consol-
Unlike, twins ag'in. hay?'
- Nor says 'Riar, bright'nin' up con-
sid'ble. No. he says, not ez bad ez
that, quite. My barn burnt down las
night. he says, ''long with them spot
ted steers o. mine, he says.
Twins where tha's Sniyely mixed
up with 'em, Squire, hain't nuthin'
amazin' Twins is ez ketchin' ez meas
les or the hookin'cou when 1t comes
to Snively. But what's twins in
giner'l. anyhow Nuthin', 'cept that
they m two babies Std o one. An
that's the ugly thing, b'gosh, that
makes 'em twins. What's Sooky Biffie's
last uns, Squire? Schoolma'rms or
bark peelers?"
"Schoolma'rms, replied the Squire.
Both on 'em?"
Eyes, both on 'em."
That's diskerridgin'i The market
is crowded with schoolma'rms. Tha's
more schoolma'rms in the deestric'
now than tina is young idees to be
teeched how to shoot An here's the
woods Just howlin' fer bark peelers,
an will be fer many year to comei
Schoolma'rms is doing well if they git
fifteen dollars month an board
around. and bark peelers kin git TWEEN
ty-fve or thirty jist fer the astin'
Sooky Biffles has made a mistake,
b'gosh Specially rer Snively But
that hain't nuther here nor there.
They're twins. Gal twins, an conse-
kently sisters. Tha hain't nuthin'
unusual in two gals bein' sisters. Twin
sisters hain't nuthin', no more'n twin
brothers is. But s'pose they'd ben
twin uncles like a couple O. ancestors
o. mine was wunst2 That mowt a ben
sumpin' to talk about, Squire"
EYES," said the Squire, shifting con-
temptuously. AN If your aunt Ham
ner had ben your uncle Pete. that
mowt ben sumpin to talk about,
tool'
"'Cordin' to which," said the Old
Settler, ~ guess you never heerd Of
oil Hollerback Tidd o. Sugar Swamp"
Never heerd on himl exclaimed the
Squire. why, recomember him durn
WE'LL"
"Recomember himr' said the Old Set
tier, looking disconnected. why. gee
whizz, Squirrel He's ben dead these
eighty year an betterp
Don't kerr said the Squire. THAT
udtn Ivy AahAo~ ALL A~SV-%NCA.AH 80
folks that's dead, can't /? Tha hain't
no law ag'in it, is tina? Hollerback
Tiddl Why, It don't seem no more'n
yist'day sence me an Hollerback usety
gallyvant together. An nice, clever
chap he were, tool Hist'ry hain't never
did Hollerback Tidd iestice yitl"
Squirrel said the Old Settler, sternly
..Malre fun a. hisfsf.v. IL We wantar. but
don't make fun o. factai Hist'ry kin
stand II, but facts is skeerce an strug-
glin', an orter be inlrerridgedl dunno
what hist'ry mowt did to Hollerback
Tidd or what mowtn't did, but the
facts in the case is that he want nice
clever chap, not by jugfull Tina
want nobody ez ever got along better
ezto ketchin' hollis things ez come his
way than Hollerbaclx Tidd did, ar tina
want nobody ez ever could hold on
70 EN- faster arssr he ketebsa bold