The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1893-01-27
ScissOred Smiles.

AsOSO1eAy
Deinss that Are OdA Curious ana
ScissOred Smiles.
The more liquid a man puts down
his throat the less chance there seems
to be Of drowning his voice.-Yonkers
Statesman.
SOME men are born wealthy:
Some men are born great;
But all men are kicking
Forever at fate.
No NAN can stand drain upon
his resources so we'll as the farmer,
provided the drain is on wet land
Lowell Courier.
1T is running to extremes when
prediction that the comet was going
to make it hot for us is followed by a
snow stOrm.-Washington Star.
LITERARY AUNT-Are you fond Of
Crabbe's tales, Edna? Edna-I don't
know, auntv. I've never eaten them,
but 1 love the meat in Holsters legs.
Truth.
The Maiden-"Then you find mar
ried life happy?" The Wife-"Yes;
but then l seldom see my husband,
you know. Smith, Gray s Co.'s
Monthly.
DUKANE-I believe the physician
is right who said cholera is a crime.
GaswoH-That accounts for the effort
being made to arrest it.-Pittsburg
Chronicle.
SATAN-Where does this arrival
hail from? Charon-New York.
Satan-Boil him in oil. We can't.
afford to catch the cholera.
York Herald.
MAMMA-"Why do you put on such
airs over that little girl?" Wee
WOman-"Her mother hasn't got
bought teeth like you has. street
& Smiths Good News.
DAUBE-NOw, Miss Hunter. please
look pleasant; that's it-keep that
for moment until l catch it. There!
now you may resume your natural
expression, if you wish.
PAT1ENT-"Isn't 81 rather high for
pulling toOth?" Dentist think
not. Fifty cents for extracting and
$3.50 for gas" Patient-"One fifty
for gas. So that's why you talk so
much. Texas Siftings.
MOTHER-"Dear me, are you
through shopping? How did you
manage to get back so sOOn?"
Daughter Ga bright girD-"I told
them to send the change home with
the goods. Street & Smiths Good
News
Boy (on bridge)-Say, mister, il
you don't look out you'll be fined.
Teamster-Why will l? Boy-That
sign says walk your horses" don't
it? Teamster-Jesso. Boy Well,
yours are standing still.-Street &
Smiths Good News.
OLD LADY (reading report of pub
lie dinner) -"SOme Of these were
drunk standing" Think of that,
Elizer Jane; so drunk they couldn't
sit down! They must be what them
papers call people who stand well in
society. Princeton Tiger.
HE-"The architecture of Europe
would interest me most" She (Da-
kOta belle, expatiating on her travels)
Eyes, everything is so quaint" He
How did the cathedral of Cologne
impress you?" She-"Oh. of course,
that was too sweet for anything
Thomas Cat.
THAT man Blobbs is lucky dog"
"And why?" "He was going through
a tannery the other day and fell into
a vat" 81 don't call that luck"
But he had on his light summer suit,
and when they pulled him out it was
dyed beautiful black and he won't
have to buy any winter clothes. >
Buffalo Express.
JIMMY, wot's an anarchist" "A
anarchist is Teller wOt takes wot's
your'n an keeps wot isn't his'n; &C
'cordin' to them if l was ter take
ev'ry apple an peach from that stand
yonder it'd be all right, cause that
Eyetalian can't eat 'em, and Id have
a perfect right to 'em!"-"Jimmy,
let's be anarchists,"-Life.
PHYsICIAN-"The best thing we
can do is to find a healthier location
for our hospital" Hospital Manager
IF all your colleagues were like you
the best thing we could do would be
to shut up our hospital altogether"
Physician - ooh, you compliment
me-" Hospital Manager-"Yes, for
then we could start a second ceme-
terry. Exchange.
TEACHER-"I have told you of
Louis KOssuth and what he did. /
have also just said that he recently
received cOngratulatOry address
from the Hungarian diet. Now, who
can tell me what the Hungarian diet
is?" Little Boy formerly Of Halle
ton. Pa Most anything that they
can lay their hands on. Street &
Good News.
Clad In Costly Fur.
Iohn tho RaDfisf with his raimont