Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1893-12-28
SAGE LEEVS.

Eddytid by ]. BILLINGS SAGE, suksesscr tew
Josh Billings deseest.
Leevs from mi diurry air kaled sage leevs
beckaws tina air good medysun fur the blews.
hev alwais notist tibet sound travuls
CRATE deel plaster at noon than it duz in
the mornin. Abburleen sawmils hcv
tew bio three wissuls loud enuf tew walk
the ded in the mornin bee4 the wurkmen
kan bee indewst tew leev THAR nests, butt
littul toot at II o'clock will maik every
last man NV EN- tew drop hiz wurk and
run like a streek NV litenin.
nevur knu wi mi KUHN marrid def
an DUN woman til marrid one that
wuz mott deef nor dun. Ell he'd ut tew
doc agin, I'd profit hi mi kuzin's egg
sample. She hez tew tawk thru her
phingers, and wen the lamp il putt out
she kant tawk at awl. Woodn't l bee
happy ef Good lay NEE down at mite with
out ekspectin every mint few here
voyse in hi kee sain, Joshway, air yew
shure yew lokt awl the dores? Joshway,
did yew put out the old katt? Joshway,
the baby il kryin, git up and fede i'm sum
soothin surrup; Joshway, think thair's
mowse in the room; Joshway, you
shood ort tew lurn few spell bee4 yew rite
fur papurs; Joshway, tits dalite, git up
and bid phire.
SAGE ON PHOOLs.
THAR il ez menny kinds NV phools in
the wurld ez THAR il dais in speshul
seshun NV kongres. Tina don't all live in
Abburdeeen, but sum dew. Abburdeen
il a helthy phase fur phools. The waiter
here il sawlt, and the phools air phresh.
sew tina live good vile, unless tina git
tew phresh then sumtimes the toun-
foaks Civ EN- kote NV tarr and fethurs
and karry EN- out on rale tew helthyer
phase.
The man hoo stands on the lin wen he
saw it oph from the tree IL kind NV
phool; and the man hoo helps tew kloze
up faktory ware he'z urnin hiz daily bred
bekawz hec wants sents more daily wag-
ez and 10 minits les time, il anuther
phool NV the saim kind. Tha air twins,
and ort tew di at onct and the saim time,
and be berrid in the sam koffin.
The man hoo spends SOC da fur to-
backo, pain spot kash fur the lnchshury,
and gifts trustid fur his grosereez il l
phool, and the groseree man hoo trusts
him IL anuther. 1 don't sa tobacko IL
hurtful. 1t hez menny virchews. 1t
sharpenz the understandin. I tride it
onct wen wuz kid goin few schulz. l
saw big boy talk chaw and l thawt
I'd tri sum tew. tride sum, and it wuz
only little vile bee4 knu more than l
ever did-about tobacko. 1t awlso pre-
zervs the teeth. knu man hoo he'd
chawed it so years and l askt him tew
show NEE hiz teeth. Tha was awl sound
and on peese OF hard rubbur plat. 1
saw him talk EN- out and put EN- back
agin-tha wuz awl sound. Hee sed tina
never aked sense he uzed tobacko.
hurd Nv man hoo lived on tobacko silks
weaks. 1t il awl rite fur him, butt al
luz throve better on beafstake and taters.
Tobacko juse awlso prezervs flores and
and karpets. 1t il better fur smawl insex
than microbe killer. 1 only objekt tew
mans maxim distinkshun between
the groserec man and the wooden Tnjun.
Sum yeers THAR is an -produckshun
NV phools; that il sum foaks think SOW
butt think it is mott over-produckshun
SOW mulch ez der-konsumshun, THAR
mott bein konsumpshun. enuff to karry
EN- oph. Phools maik up about e the
population Nv most tounz, tho I hev knu
sum tounz tew ekseed tibet Gggur, OWN
tew boom in reel estait.
The man hoo sells out hiz HON in the
stait Nv Mishegun er Injeanna witch he
he'd pade fur, and puts the mummy in
Tbildin lots, sum Nv wich air under waiter
and sum standin up strait ez a bronko
Wen hee smell bare, il a phool. THAR
il mott SOW mulch mummy in this bizniss
ez THAR IL eckspeeriens. I'd ruther hev
5 sents wurth Nv kash in an oph yeer
than dollers wurth NV eckspeeriens.
Eckspeeriens kepes deer skule, butt
phools will lern in no u.her, and sum
woant lern THAR.