New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1893-03-03
INGENIOES MR. PCMPLLLI.


Supcrlativc, are dangerous, but the published
facts seem to go far toward proving that Nlraih
pumpully is the meanest man in Pennsylvania.
There may be mcancr men in some OF the DacK
counties. and Scranton, that natural home of the
suncrlativc. where the positive and comparative
, air prohibited By law from staying overnight,
IN, not been heard from yet nevertheless, w"
feel so much confidence in Hiram Pnmpully being
.hc mcancst man, not only in Pennsylvania Dut
i'm the country at large that when 1.-THE National
Mean Man Show opens in Madison Square Garden
wc shall enter him in the champion class, ana
shall feel disappointed if he doesn't carry OIL
the highest honors.
We learn from local papers that Mr.. Pumpully
has lived for many years at Cockiaven, where
he has accumulated small fortune in the grocery
business He has always been noted fer a degree
Of thrift considerably above the average, but tie
report that in stops his clock nights in ORDER 10
.,yn the wear and tear on the works ia not
generally believed No man has ever been known
TO ovcrrcnch him IN driving a bargain. but i'll
health M last 90; the better Of him, and some
TWO months ago he was forced consult physi-
clan The medical man, after loOkin. into his
ca.. carefully, told him that be was suffering
from nervous debility brought on BY ovcrwork,
and that ne must give up all business absolutely
y
Nr. Pumpully, despite his thrift, has never denied
himself any Of the Injuries Of the table. The
doctor added that hc must put himself where II
would be utterly impossible for him % get back
10 his business OF know anything about IT. ana
where none other than plain, nutritious fo0d coui''
by any means be- had. lie strongly recommended
a voyage on sailing vessel TO emma ana PACK,
since this would take the best part OF year ana
1--WE the complete mental rest aad quiet demanded
lie ended with the remark that if Mr. Pumpnlly
did not follow hi, directions TO the letter h"
would not live three months.
For several DAYS Mr. Pumpuy was in pain
ful state of mind lie investigated the voyage
idea and found that it would cost something
like thousand dollars. Mr.. PAINFULLY sroaned
and decided that il would he cheaper 20 die Bat
the impos-ihility of continuing business AMI max
ing more money after he was dead occurred 70
him: ~ he again groaned and relapsed INTO
thought AZ last an idea came into his mind like
a flash Of lightning. lie rose up and passed ont
into the street 1t was evening. Going TO the
hour of ncighbor he opened the front door and
helped himself TO three ovcrcoa's which hung on
the ha,rack. and hurried out. \ policeman ar
rested him on the corner. We may as well make
a short story Of this. Mr. Pumpuly was tried
and sentenced 70 one year In State prison IL"
has now been in six weeks. and has already gained
ten pounds. The taxpayers at Cockhavcn ar"
furious
The doctor who prescribed the voyage visited
Mr. Pumpuy now known as No. l.276, In the
prison few days ago and found him in excellent
health aud good spirits. He told tho physician
that the stripes made him dizzy for few days.
but he fancied that II wasn't anything compared
with what the scasckness would have been. No
l27G wined knowingly at tho doctor. and re-
marked that when old Hiram Pumpuly paid
81 900 for quiet and poor grub. with the chance
OF being drowned when he could get it for moth
Ing without danger. and a good suit Of striped
clothes thrown in, people would know IT,
IIe asked tho doctor to tell the folks ut Cock
haven that he would he back there with the best
stock of groceries ever brought TO town as soon
as his term expired and then went back to his
work.
As we intmated, The Pennsylvania taxpayers
who have heard of Mr.. Pumpully's action ar
much agitatcd, but no one has suggested any
remedy. In the mean time No 1875 remains calm
aud continues to gain flesh