The record-union., 1893-03-08
A GENIUS.
A Reporter Who FIoored the Editorial
Boss.

Now" sald the editor of the Quohosh
Genius of Liberty to his reporter, "in
your work l shall look for calm, dis
passionate statement of fact. My paper
Is noted for its Veracity, and no exaggera
ton is allowed on any subject. DO you
think you understand that clearly?"
'Yes, SIR"
"Then you may attend the Skimgullet-
DumsquiZZle wedding, which takes place
at noon to-day, and I'll see how you
handle 1t, said the editor, turning to his
desk.
This was what the new reporter handed
in after the festivities were over:
1T is the custom of most newspapers,
in giving accounts of local weddings, to
speak of the bride as beautiful. even if
she is as ugly as a mud fence. The
Genius Of Lf5eity scorns such flattery,
however. If woman is beautiful, we
hesitate not TO say so, but if she is not, it
is not our fault. We proclaim the fact.
We wish we could say that Miss Melinda
DumsquiZZle, who became Mrs. Dennis
Sklmgullet at noon to-day, was lovely in
form and feature, but we can not. While
we have seen uglier girls, it must be con-
ceded by all impartial observers that
brick-dust hair and a multitude of
freckles do not look well on a bride.
However, she did the best she could
under the circumstances in wearing a
tolerably thick veil, and rugged out as
she was, in dress of cream satin,
looked quite presentable at a distance.
Hardly so much can be said OF her hus-
band, who walked with limp, and
whose sparsely settled chin whiskerS of a
pale dun-color would have improved his
appearance if they had been shaved off.
We ascertained by careful inquiry that
Skimgullet is old enough to be his wife's
father, and has, in point of fact,
committed the otfense OF matrimony
twice before. Some say that both his
former wives were starved to death;
others, that he worked them to death.
Which is correct the Genius Of Liberty
does not pretend to say. The statements
are given for what they may be worth.
What Miss DumsquiZzle saw in him to
marry Is mystery, unless she thought
she would be more successful than her
predecessors in getting hold of the money
which he is said to keep buried some
where on his farm. We heard it said that
her father owed Skimgullet Sl35, and that
the latter threatened to have him arrested
on charge Of forgery if he did not get
Melinda to marry him; but this state
ment has not been verified yet The
presents were not very numerous, and
the most expensive one that we saw was
peachblow vase worth II at retail. The
couple lett on the accommodation for q
bridal tour OF two days to Podunk. We
asked the Rev. X h. Geticks how much
the groom gave him for tying the knot
and he said 75 cents. This, therefore, can
be relied upon as Official"
'I oung man." said the editor, after
reading the reporters account, "you are
far too high genius to bury your talent
in small place like Quohosh. | would
like to keep you. but 1 am sure that
would be doing you an injustice. L think
you had better go to New York, where
your talents will be appreciated as they
deserve. And, by the way, when you &c
to the station to buy your ticket, avoid
making the fatal mistake of buying re-
turn ticket. We are fond of you, but moi
so very fond that absence could tail to in.
crease it."-Harper's Magazine.