The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1893-07-23
A VENTILATING HAT.

had got to the very bottom of the
Hayiier. Never mind how got there, or
why got there, that's my business. and
TS doesn't concern you in the least. But
Xwas earning my living all the same,
=ansl earning it honestly. had read sto-
xf.s OF the workhouse, and they made my
flash creep. 1t wasn't pride that made
x1ls work; it wasn't an honest spirit of
Independence. 1t was the workhouse 1
dreaded and the peculiarly unattractive
fare provided for the pauper. And there
Ewas with 1S pence, my days earnings,
81efseeh me and the casual ward. With
I'M ~ hours that IS pence would assuredly
Disappear, and unless 1 got work of some
asurE 70 the casual ward should have to
Sge- L and q gentleman in q position sim
aIar to my own were talking matters
<saseK.
Things is very slack, governor" said
Gts, tn mo.
There is one game you might try"
continued my acquaintance with be-
lignant smile, land that's Wilkins, the
vsnhlating halter. But you can't keep
ON with that long, you know. It's ruin
90 fhe constitution"
Anything was better to my mind than
Che casual ward, so asked for Wilkins
address.
'-Oh, you can't miss it." was the an
sswcr; you just walk down Shoreditch
There's always Il crowd outside Wilkins
shop and all you've got to do is to ask,
Ngssldlike, for Wilkins. and when you sees
!Srisu you just ups and says, I'd like to be
III the way of earning o honest 'alf
,Gpown, sir Then he'll put you in the
TEGay at wunst." Then my friend nodded
:anti departed.
I arrived at Shoreditch. | wasn't long
an. finding Wilkins-there was crowd
III Front of the window. In the window
were hundreds of hats. Every one of
&{llDl had ticket bearing the same leg
.s.nt1, wilkins Ventilating Hat" then
1nuowed the price. 1 gradually elbowed
ELY way to the front row.. and then l
In-rcsAred the nature of the exhibition
that gave so much pleasure to the in
hnbitants of Shoreditch.
In the center of the array of hats were
'GzNo human heads, which protruded
through two artfully constructed holes
IN the polished mahogany which formed
tine flooring of the shop front Each
l1ead WAS covered by what appeared to
EN an ordinary tall hat The head on
hind it, on which were the following
words:
Wilkins ventilatng hat. Perfect
comfort. No suffering from heat bv
want of ventilation. The we;lrcr of this
article enjoys life. The head is human.
There is no deception. The only estab-
Eishlnent i'll which Wilkins vcntilating
Gat may be obtained. 1t comes as a boon
d III
wick, the Owl and the Wavcrley l,cn'"
There WAS ~ similar ticket behind the
mead on the left:
The ordinary silk hat. Observe how
Eles unfortunate wearer suffers from the
iSteat. Poor fellow! He evidently wishes
himself dead. The common ,lnventilatcd
nat of commerce is fiendish invention
ssPNthy Of tho atrocities of the worst
days of the Spanish inquisiton. The
1seilrer OF an unventilatcd hat is hurry
&1g 10 an carly grave. The head is hu-
xlan; there is no deception"
noticed that the mahogany planl,inr
~l2 rhe shop front below the heads was
perforated with innumerable small holes.
Then observed that there was IL very
fasIeaS difference in the appearance of the
zzsces Of those wearing tho hats The
.issante1nan wearing Wilkins vcntilatinr
hsar looked the picture of contentment.
RE smiled. He seemed as if he had at.
&s.il1Dl the summit of human bliss. He
WIS evidently very comfortable indeed.
Whe other head presented Il striking con-
EiEast Never till now had L the least
:. 5taess that such dreadful effects were pro-
dnced by the wearing of an unvcntilated
hak- The face was as pale as death. A
sold perspiration seemed to trickle from
eecry pore The mouth was set as
Eiilamgh in agony, and all through an I'M
sa.ntilated hat. / boldly determined to
e:sltser the shop.
What can l show you, sir?" said an
assistant with excessive urbanity.
az want to see Mr.. Wilkins" replied.
That is Mr.. Wilkins" said the man,
anslLcating q portly and benevolent look
Zng gentleman in a black silk waistcoat.
What can l do for you, my man?'
said Mr.. Wilkins.
I'D like to be in the way of earning
an honest half crown, sir" replied.
Very good, my man." said Mr.. Will
lsjns, with smile. ''Is there q vacancy
today, Boldgert"
Yes, sir. Certainly, sir" replied the
Mad. I'VE shall be ready for the gen,
tIe1nan in about 20 minutes"
Been here before, my man?' said Mr..
wilkins to me, not unkindly
~.Not l." replied. ~
Then you'd better pnt him through
si,,s mill, Boldger," said Mr.. Wilkins to
-ehe foreman.
step this way, young man." said the