St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1893-09-18
BANKED ON HIS wHrsKnRs
How Financier Proposed to
Profit by Them

AAO" HCpoSOo w
Profit by Them.
The man with the Sc natnr PETER
whiskers felt more than usually penu-
rious when he got up yesterday morning.
lie lives out at Cold Spring. but that
fact dldn't deter him from walking
down Town to save his carfare:: At st.
Paul street. says the Buffalo Express,
he met a friend with front gold tooth.
The latter, too, was feeling close from
the financial stringency and was walk
ing. On the way down town they dis
cussed schemes for increasing the local
circulation by putting the PETER
whlskers and the front gold tooth into
the Buffalo clearing house.
mo Use talking" said the man with
the front gold tooth, Those whiskers
OF yours don't go. They have no in
trinsic value 10 anybody but yourself,
and they would have no value even to
you if they should once be clipped off,
pulled out or sawed from your own
chin. Simple case of man and family
all right enough SO long as all hang to-
gether. but separate 'em and they are no
earthly use"
''Lo0k a here" shouted the PETER
'whlsker man from Cold Spring warmly.
look here, You mean to say they are
not worth the chin they are grown on?''
That's what do" SAID the man
with the front gold tooth, simply.
mo market value, eh? No earthly use
to anybody but myself? l understand.
do ], tnal you mean to say these whiskers
Of mine can't be converted into cash
ana do their part toward relieving the
financial Stringency?'
YOU'RE catching the idea fast,'' re-
turned the other man.
Look Il here" and the Cold Spring
man Cast ScOrnful glance at the front
gold tooth of the ST. Paul street man.
Take thai little. measley, insignificant
gold tooth of yours. I'd like to know
what earthly good that would be to any
body. Do you calculate that the Sec
rotary OF the treasury could convert
that into dozen gross of So gold pieces?
Or do you think any of the Buffalo
banks could convert iI into bills?
- See," was all the man with the
gold tooth deigued to reply. II see that
your Ideas or the circulating medi um of
our government are extremely limited.
L see you are mentally incapable of
grasping the proposition L was about to
state, showing how the use of my front
gold tooth would be a boon to the
Buffalo banks and bring food and raj
ment into hundred of Buffalo homes
that are now sadly in want of them. A
financial mind is needed to grasp my
idea. You may be clever enough to
see that by walking three miles instead
OF taking a car you save five cents, but
my scheme requires more OF financial
bead than that"
ii have no doubt" said the man with
the PETER whiSkers, ''that it would re
Quire very profound financial head to
rnnppiUn SoIlnmG mn UtnV hauk -
Coming TO your senses a bit, are yOu?'
the ST. Paul street man asked, thinking
this last a compliment as sincere as was
his own belief i'll it. And the gold tooth
man grew more patrOniZlng. "COme TO
think of it," said he, II think your
financial mind is all right. and I'll ex-
plain this great scheme of mine to you.
You'll catch the idea, Pm sure. Any
Simpleton can. But before | tell you,
you must tell me how you propose to
make currency out or those whlskeFs."
Say, my friend" and The man with
the PETER whiskers became confidential.
THAT things dead easy. Western men
getting the best of it down to WASH
ington, amt thry?"
''Soem to be-" the N an with the gold
tooth conceded.
Coin to knock out the gold bugs,
amt they?'
Looks that way"
WELL" and the old man with the
PETER wniskers Strengthened up. don't
you see that before they get through
with this here special session business
at Washington they are going to pass a
law ordering the secretary of the
treasury To make certain number of
dollars each month out of whiskerS?
Maybe do live out at Cold Spring. but
L l.
Ut mine for nothing"
The man with the front gold tooth
was too much taken aback at his own
ignorance of the intentions of congress
to go OH and tell his plans about the
gold tooth.