Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1893-03-10
HUMoR OF THE DAY.


Short intervals-The periods between
pay days.
A bald headed man may yet bea hare
Drained fellow.
A no-account fellow-The man who
never asks credit.-Life.
On the roll of fame-The champion
wheelman.-Galveston News.
An all-round mana fat freak in a
museum.-New York Journal.
Onions are healthy. Plumbers get fat
on leaks. Times.
A high-binder-The publisher of
ornamental books.-Washington Star.
It is very convenient for rapid
writer to have good train of thought.
Troy Press.
There is no help for the case of the
woman who can't get servant. .-Phila-
delphia Record.
"What you need" said the aeronaut
to the balloon, 'sis good blowing up"
Washington Star.
No one can know the value of little
scratch on red wagon until he offers 1t
for sale.-Atchison Globe.
oh, roses, go and nestle
Next the roses meath her locks,
That were made with q mortar and pestle
And cost one-ffty box.
Chicago News Record.
"Did you ever go to Bins, the tailora"
"Yes. Got two suits from him. One
dress suit. One lawsuit. Very expensive
mau."-Waif.
A boy never looks in the glass to see
If his face is clean after he has washed
it; he looks at the dirt on the towel
Atchison Globe. .M
''How long can man live without
air9" ''It depends on the air. Forever
if it's 'Ta-ra-ra boom-de.aye. '"-Kate
Fields Washington.
Considering the fact that coal bills are
presented every month, it's wonder
that more people don't die of heart fail
ure.-Washington News.
The best wishes one can offer the i'm
provment-of-roads crusaders is that their
chosen walk in life may be over smooth
ways.-Baltimore American.
An Irish carpenter fell from the roof
to the ground, and when picked up re-
marked: ~ was coming down after nails
anyway."-Harvard .Lampoon.
Breathing through the nose is the only
proper way to sleep. If you awake +
the night and find your mouth open get
up and shut it--Tamaqua Recorder.
A fashion journal asserts that "the
hoop skirt is coming in again." Queer
that thing that stands out so should
come in, too. Philadelphia Ledger.
A servant girl puzzled Chestnut
Street druggists clerk yesterday for a
moment by asking for dozen three
grain Queen Ann pills. ls.-Philadelphia
Record. -
my first offense," the footpad cried,
His victim hung his head.
"To think that was held up by
ian amateurF' he said.
Washington Star.
Clerk-sI advise you to try these
socks, sir. We call 'em the messenger
boy Customer-"WhyG" Clerk
'sBecause they don't rum" ."-Clothier
and Furnisher..
"Are those shirts of Wigby's readyW
asked the laundryman of his assistant.
"No, sir" she replied, 'sI haven't had
time to tear off the neckbands yet."-
Buffalo Express. 88A
II love you," he with ardor said;
''At last l'll show it,"
She smiled and gayly tossed her head
And said, 81 know it."
Washington Star.
Guest (angrily)-''See here, you've
upset half that soup on my coati" Wait
or (soothingly) - "tNever mind, sir;
we've got lot more in the Kitchen
New York Journal.
81 have one advantage over you."
said the Gifted Liar. edo you know
what it isf" Il cant imagine, replied
the Truthful Citizen. EXACTLY. That's
it."-Chicago Tribune.
Spellman-"Are you going South on
business Or" Mr.. Setrich-"Well,
business and pleasure combined. It's to
attend ths funeral OF the uncle who left
me fortune. Inter Ocean.
Teacher-"wh part of speech is
phonograph2' Big Boy-tsA noun of
the feminine gender" Teacher--"why
feminines" Big Boy-"Because it al
ways talks back. New York Journal.
Tommy-"Paw, heard man say
that Mr.. Watts was self made man.
What is self made manan Mr.. Figg-
IA man who knows how to buy dol
lars worth of work for fifty cents. I'm
dianapolis journal.