Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1893-07-06

IT is all plane sailing for the pc or
girl when the jaunty little sailor hats
are in fashion. --Picayune,
IL SHALL state the whole case in
a sentence" as the judge said when
he arraigned the prisoner. Cleveland
Plaindealer.
THE diamond cutters trade affords
proof that it takes hard work to
achieve brilliant results. --Philadel-
phla Record.
The Columbian stamp has done
more to make man ticker fend than
any influence Of this generation. -
Yonkers Gazette,
AMAN is never so welded to his call
ing that he can't be diverted from 1t
when he is called to his wedding
Glens Falls Republican.
WHATEVER it may prove ultimate
ly, up to date the Geary law hasn't
proved much Of a Chinese laundry
heck.-Philadelphia Times.
GIRL-"But his father has left him
we'll off," Honest Friend--"Well off!
He has left him taste for liquor and
not cent of money"-Life.
SOMEBODY says most of the hand
organs are owned by one company
and hired out Another grinding
monopoly Philadelphia Times,
AMONG the latest forms of enter
tainment is one they call IAN even
ing with the poets" Eating has no
place on the program. Buffalo Cour-
Ter.
"MIGes is a lucky old chap, isn't
hep" ain what way?" "He's color
blind" "What advantage is that?"
ale can't tell when he's blue. Inter
Ocean.
MENAGERIE AssIsTANT-The big os-
trich attempted to swallow a turnip
to-day and choked itself. Manager
H'ml Got it in the neck. New York
Press.
WHEN a married man discards Gig
arettes, cheroots, and his meerschaum
and takes to a clay pipe, he is in the
seventh age Of the welded state. -
Chester News.
HICKs-"You found good deal of
fault with that pudding and yet you
ate the whole of it," Wicks-"Yes;
it tasted so abominably, / knew it
must be good for me. boston
Transcript.
MoTHER-"Paul, just step into the
next room and see if grandpa is
asleep" Paul Qeturning after a short
time)-"Mamma, the whole Of grand
pa is asleep, only his nose is awake
yet. "-Humorlstiche Batter
DETECTIVE (hurriedly)-Where did
that fellow go who just ran out of the
hotel? Citizen (still rubbing the toe
that the fugitive stepped on)-I don't
know; but l hope he'll &C where l
told him to.-Detroit Tribune.
JACK LEvER-You seem to shave
as conscientiously as though you were
performing a religious rite. Jim
Hlckey-In this case it is only an act
of mercy; l am going to call on Miss
Darlington this evening. - Puck.
FooTPAD - Gimme your money!
Mr.. Lushforth (disgustedly)-Do you
suppose / would be goin' home at 9
o'clock if l had any money? You are
the biggest chump | have met in a
a month Of Sundays. indianapolis
Journal.
SIAM, which has never had lega.
tion in this country has established
one at Washington, where her dreamy
representative will be able to show
the hustling diplomats Of other
countries the real Siam ease. -Phila.
delphia Ledger.
"PvE been sitting quietly on this
fence just twenty-five minutes by the
watch, he said, watching that cat
crouching by that rat-hole, and she
hasn't so much as moved an ear, for
I've kept an eye on her steady. What
a fool cat isl"-Puck.
add Brown stand the civil-servlce
examinations" First class" "Went
through the Greek alphabet" "Just
a-hummin'!" "And the Latin
verbs?" Every one of emp "What
place did they give him?" "Head
coal.shoveier. i" - Atlanta Constitu-
ton.
SAID sharp attorney to a ram
bling witness: "Now, you must give
explicit and exact answers. You
said you drove milk wagon, did you
not?" "No, sir didn't" "Don't
you drive mi X wagon?" "No, sir. !"
"Aha! What do you, s!r?" al drive
a boss, sir."-Animal's Friend.
"How DID you ever get Henderson
to propose?" "Why, declined to go
to the opera with him one night be-
cause l was going with his friend
Martin, and then got papa to write
to Henderson and ask if Martin was
a man Of means. Henderson came
around that night. Bulletin.
OLD PARTY-Thank you, Antoine;
thank you very much. Aldo they
allow tipping here? Antoine-O
m'sier Old Party-And are the
guests liberal? Antoine-Non, m'sier;
re rule is re ozzaire way. Old Party
Very well, Antoine; here is a cent
for you. l do not wish to break the
rules. --Harper's Weekly.
LITTLE BoY-~Papa may | study