Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1893-12-11
JUST FOR FUN.

southern lady, YeS: ne Went SOuln
to save his lungs and lost his heart.'
DR.. Thirdly Sorry your husband
isn't out to church to-day: is he ill?"
Mrs. Hicks-No, he isn't i'll, exactly,
just one of his weekly attacks of be
ing homesick."
The Brilliant Jones (who likes an
appreciative a%udience) to his hostess:
ooh, there! It's no use! I give it up!
Conversations impossible when peo-
pie will talk"
Waiter at the club-There's a lady
outside who says that her husband
promised to be home early tonight.
All rising-excuse me a moment.
Jimmie, how many quarters equal
a dollar?'' "None Of en-, ma'am," re
piled Jimmy, "because you told US a
part couldn't equal a whole"
CHOW about r~eferences?" said Mrs.
Jay to the cook she was thinking Of
engaging. ooh, I don't require any
from a nice looking lady like your
self,'' said the cook.
The general willingness to give ad-
vice, said the man with a cold, is
something astonishing. And yet it
is not the abundance that worries me
SO much as the variety.
"Do you still have colored servants,
Hicks?'' "Well, in a sense. We don't
have Negroes any more, but we've
three of the greenest girls you ever
saw in the house now!"
"Don't you," said the pious land
lady, "believe that all flesh is grass?"
sNo,n hesitated the boarder, as he
took another hold on his knife. Il
think some of it is leather"
The reason why Arnica & Oil Liniment is so
popular with the ladies is because it not only
is very healing and soothing but it's odor is
not at all offensive.
"Money isn't eb'ryt'ing in dis coun-
try w.t." says Uncle Nose. "People
still tink a heap more OBJ de man dat
ketches one fish dan oh de man dat
buys a whole string OBJ 'em."
Would be Purchaser-How muchfor
this picture? Artist-The price is S.
600. "Why, man alive! you expect
to be paid for your work as If you
had been dead four or five hundred
years."
GA chop and a cup of coffee, quick.
Nv train leaves in twenty minutes"
eyes, sab: seventy-five cents, sah."
"Do you want payin advanced Eyes,
sab. You may be gone before it is
cooked, sab"
"What's the matter. Brushe? You
look sad.n sI am sad. I decorated a
set of soup plates for Mrs. Boodelle;
and what do you suppose she does
with them?" "Give it up. What?"
ssUses 'em for soup"
Justice-How do you explain being
found inside Col. Ginger's hen-coop
last night? Jackson-De trufe is, jedge,
I made all my arrangements to git up
arly in de mornin', an 1 want to sleep
where I cud heah de roossers crow.
A gentleman once asked the cele-
brated DR.. Abernethy if he thought
the moderate use Of snuff would injure
the brain. "No, sir" was Abernathy's
reply; "for no man With a single
ounce of brain would ever think OF
taking snuff"
Voice at the telephone-Major, will
you please bring your family and take
supper with us next Sunday? Servant
girl (replies back through the tele-
phone)-Master and mistress are not
in at present; but they can't come to
supper, as it's my Sunday out.
Teacher hope you kept your eyes
and ears open while in Chicago, and
tried to learn something. Boy-Yes
ma'am. Teacher-Very well. Now see
if you can tell me how high you were
above tide water. Boy-Do you mean
when I was on the street or when |
was in bed?
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