Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1893-03-05
UNCLE BEN's MULE EXPERIENCE.
He Tells Of "Gentle Animal" that
Nearly Killed HIS wife, CHILD, and Self
TWrit,en for tha DisnntcbJ

Written for the Dispatch.
Talk er bout a internal mule won't
Kick" remarked old Uncle Ben, as he
leaned YEARLY against a lamp-post for
support. His right eye was closed. his hat
was battered. and his appearance was alto
gether suggestive of a man who had been
dragged through a pond Of muddy water.
Il belebs de critters would rlze rum DO
dead res to git good wnack az Niger )
head" continued the old man. "kohow,
/ nebber means to trus' misef nigh de hin
hufs o. de uuhOly beas agln, lessen he's
bin dead bout TO- DAYS
Then your experience with the long
cared quadruped has not been very plea
SAINT" suggested.
"Doan know muffin bout yo' squadru-
pid, but | nose all or bout de lightnin'-
dealin' mule IN ell ob his contraction an
crate superiority Of expansion"
Uncle Ben was fond OF long, big-sound-
ing words. He called it "setten' upon his
high dictates, talkin' falossity," ana would
use them upon all occasions, regardless Of
meaning. All he required Of Mr. Webster
was 70 furnish the words and he would do
the rest.
well. now. Uncle Ben" said. tell
me about some particular mule 10 which
you have reference"
" De mule prefers to now 10 pertickar
n L
got rum q pedlum las week. DE slick
tongue chap driv up 10 mi house and said,
Docs yer want ter trade fur fine, gentle
mule fur yo' wife aud chillun ter driver
49, Do no bickl' said Mary Jane-dat's
de ole 'oman-cOmin' TO do dooh.'
GENTLE ANIMAL.
"Kick = said de pedlum in CRATE xprise,
why mi good auntle you could'n make
dls mule kick. He IS de gentlest animal
llyin', an 20 chillun can handle him like a
kitten
DE mule looked as uninnocent as
Mary's leetle lamb. so traded mi ole mar
for de mule, de ped Rivin' mi ole oman a
table-kiYer ter butte. Mary Jane war de-
lighted Wild de trade. She lowed a. how
she could drive 10 do meetin house
in do mos superhuous manner an
cut real paragraph a. she driv' up dc
revenue 10 de church. But 'omans may
compose, but mules expose. Dat internal
brute had'n BIN at mi house two days 10
he landld one o. do chillun in de ash-barrel
doubt chen so mucn as fiickin' his yeah.
Fortunately de chile landld on his head, so
he Is now ali non-compost mentid. an
likely to rekiver from de crate discussion
caused by de hippodrome ov de fall.
Den de ole oman she yentered too
nigh dc legal extremities Oh de oritter an
were laudid ODER de gardin fence. De
damage in her case war more conflictin'
dan dat o. de chile. Her lef' arm war
broke, her right ankle war spraIned, an
she got stitch IN dc spinal. De doctor
said. while her injuries are entirely fatal.
he thought as how de cerebellum ov de
right foot could DO countermandid by de
cerebrum ov her CRATE lung-power, an ef
he could pull her thro' de past motem ex-
animation, she would recover most extem-
poraneously."
Uncle Ben paused to catch breath
aftor delivering the opinion of his learned
colored doctor and to note the effect
of the high-sounding words. 81 have not
doubt, Uncle Ben" said. that your
wife viii pull through the crisis with sucn
learned medical adviser. But now let
me hear how you managed the mule"
swIFTyEss.
"'Zackiy. sab; OATS de part DIST hurts
wus. said TO Mary Jane. says /. 1t takes
man ter manage mule allurs. an q
niger at dat. So l gits me q stick an
whacks dat mule ober de head. De mule
jes' looked at me wild mi-time-nex' look
in his eyes. / dun said. Woh, san /, an
walked behind him to sho' him was not
Mary Jane nor do chile. De mex thing
knowed did'n know muffin. Dc
hghtniu' may be swif, but dat mule
10 swiier; an do mex thing / knowed
some one war pulling me outen de horss-
trek oh lcy-cold Watess pa now huntias