Arizona republican., 1893-01-17
THE "GAWK. :"

people would call merry childhood or a joyous youth. My father-a low church clergyman-honestly believed that to be cheerful was the first step to sin, and that virtue was to wear a solemn mien and an unsmiling face To do him justice, he conscientiously lived up to that conviction, and, as far as was in his power, compelled others to do the same.
 He had not exposed me to the contami. nation of public school; my few compan- ions had only been classmates at a private tutors, to whom l was sent as daily pupil, and as had to walk several miles to reach my destination I was unable to enjoy the ordinary relaxation of the Eng fish schoolboy in the shape of football or cricket
 An only son, motherless from my cradle, I had accepted with the submission and possibly with the contentment of igno- rance the code of morals and mode of life which it had pleased my father to impose upon me, and which would have seemed better suited to the most shrinking and delicate girl than to a strong, healthy, stoutly grown and active lad Perhaps the real secret of my passive and unresist- ing acquiescence lay in the fact that was constitutionally averse to society of any
 
 any member of the other sex filled me with an unreasoning awe that amounted to ac- tual pain A feminine being-child, girl or woman-immediately made me fifty times more awkward than naturally was: she elicited an unbecoming shyness which at other times was quite foreign to my na- ture, and which impressed the cause of these emotions with a contemptuous dis like of me.
 Harry Millner is a perfect gawkp once heard the pretty daughter of one of our nearest neighbors say to an elder sis ter, when, my school days being finally over, had been sent by my father to walk with her in the vicarage garden, and had ignominiously ended the interview by run ming away and hiding myself in an arbor, whence could hear her comments on my conduct.
 "Harry Millner is a poor miserable creature" calmly remarked this dispas- sionate maiden. But you know, Helen, that he is as poor as n rat, so he will never have to make love to any girl thank God" she added piously.
 Yes, was gawk at twenty, as l had been at any other period of my life. Yes, l was miserable creature, in spite of my 5 feet 10 inches and my broad shoulders. Yes, we were wretchedly poor, and at my fathers death all could claim as my own would be a moderately good education, the perfect health l always enjoyed, and an absolute ignorance of the ways of the world, for good or evil. and the means of earning my daily bread therein. It had been part of the vicar's conscientious car rying out of his particular views to keep me consistently at his side, in his widowed, solitary home, and not to send me to meet temptation or as he styled it, perdition, by allowing me to mix with the unregen- crate and the ungodly, whose path lies among the pitfalls of frivolity and unhal- lowed diversions
 Not very long after my pretty neighbor Helen had passed her uncomplimentary verdict upon me my father died. A dis tant relation wound up his affairs; a hun dred pounds were placed in my hands, and I was told to go to London and ''see what I could do the~e." It is needless to dwell on the time thus spent; suffice it to say that l worked hard and inefliciently, and that l remained as strictly ungregarious, solitary, moral and virtuOus as had ever been at the vicarage. Women still looked upon me with intense disfavor, and l upon them with continued awe-at least in the fiesh-for l must confess that at times, in my dreams, rcOnceived that it might be pleasant to hear soft voice call me Harry" and white hand finger in my palm. But when l awoke in the morning it was to a returning consciousness that l was a gawk, and that if by some wild accident the feminine hand was resting in my grasp or the feminine voice sounding in my ears I should not know how to an. swer the one or clasp the other
 Then suddenly, unexpectedly, l found myself rich--not moderately or comforta- bly rich, but wealthy beyond my most fat uous conception of the term. An unsus- pected inheritance had fallen to my lot; there were no difficulties raised against my title; everything was plain, simple and correct, so that within three months of the day when I received the first intimation of my good fortune 1 was informed by the lawyers that I could now draw on my bankers for what was practically to me an unlimited amount, and take possession of big house in Mayfair and an equally i'm posing mansion in Worcestershire, with suitable establishment ready to receive me in each as master. I visited both resi- dences found them almost as awe inspir- ing as a woman, and myself as big gawk III tnese suptTDly dppOluCei uOuScS dS had been in the country or in the city office.
 Puzzled and disturbed resolved to leave England, to travel for awhile and endeavor to shake off in rev surroundings the awk- wardness which believe was only in rus ticity, and the misanthropy that sat so queerly on young mans temperament. I wanted the regenerating process to take place away from the gaze of my country men and, moreover, was secretly anxious to put the sea between me and the over towering attentions and invitations show cred upon me through the medium of countless notes sent by people whose names had never known or utterly forgotten, and who one and all assured me that they remembered my dear father with intense affection and would consider it personal favor to see me, his SOD, at their table, their clubs, their country houses, and make him feel as one of their family"
 I started for European tour, but went no farther than Paris. l had intended to spend November there and then wend my way to the south-avoiding Monte Carlo.