Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1893-03-29

Sjirgiuia fire. gress.
Humorous.


room more comfortably? 7"
Dodger-I guess he doesn't want to give
people the idea that his room is better than
his company
Nibsley-They tell me the Prince of
Wales can never play poker until he has
drunk at least bottle of wine.
Nabsley-That's quite proper. He is
sure of a royal flush then, you know KATE
FIELDS Washington.
Mr. Pepper-I don't believe there was a
dry eye in the house when the curtain went
down on the third act
Mrs. Pepper-No, but there seemed to be
the usua number of dry Threats,
Her Fathcr-Is there any chance of pro
motion in your business or increase in your
salary?
suitor-Is there' Why, my position is
next to the lowest in the establishment.
Elsie-You are a hatterer, doctor Dr.
Cheatum-why, Miss Else, it is quite inn
possible to fatter you. If were to say
that you were like an angel should not be
fattering you, but the-angels
She-'Tndeed, Mr. Maulstick, yours were
the only pictures I looked at in the exhibi.
ton"
Mau stick-"Ah, you Aatter -"
She-"No; the others, you know, were so
surrounded by the crowd.
Minnie-"I didn't know until last night
that Mr. Kelvy was a married man.
Helen-"Did he tell you!"
Minnie-"No; but he asked Fred for a
nail to fasten his suspender with"
Willie " itherby-"Whe did you get
that new overcoat? thought you said you
wasn't going to have one?
Bobby Smitem-"I wasn't. But the 9th T..
er night happened to see pop kiss our ser
want girl"
Mercury at Zero-Good Samaritan Ito
pedestrian who has just fallen on an icy
sidewalk did you Slip"
Pedestrian lwrathfully)-"No, of course
not. had a sunstroke."
AN OBJECT IN VIEW.
Shingiss-Why is Miss WallAower sing
ing Il Want to be an Angel? %
Van Braam-Some one told her that mar
riages were made in heaven.
A SAFE Triple.
"Hc has been drinking hard for nearly a
month. | should think he would begin to
see snakes"
"He drinks Irish whiskey only, and there
are no snakes in Ireland, you know"
Dashaway-What! you haven't got your
watch chain on with your dress suit, have
you don't you know it's bad form?
Travers-I can't help it, old fellow; it's
the only opportunity I'll have to wear it in
the next thirty days.
AT THE BALL.
Blobkins-Your wife is a perfect dream
tonight.
Chapton-very likely, and you know
dreams go by the contraries.
Mr. y. f Verylatc- Have you ceased to
care for me, Adele came early this after
noon, and you do not even look glad to see
me.
Miss Adele SaFteau Inded, am glad to
see you But this is my hour for resting my
features from all expression.
TIMELY WARNING.
This is regular hog kiln weather" OBJ
served the delinquent subscriber, as he
reached for the last potato in the dish.
YOU'D better stay in the house, then"
remarked the hungry editor, cor get a gun
to protect yourself"
WHY HE SUCCEEDS.
Simmons-I declare ] can't understand
how you farce comedy writers succeed so
well, considering that you get most of your
wit from the newspapers.
Timmins- My dear boy, the people who
support farce comedy don't read the papers.
"You were gone good while" said the
invalid to her husband who had been to the
drug store; at must have taken the clerk
good while to put up the prescription"
81 don't know think he must have
spent good deal of time putting up the
price"
MORE INFORMATION.
Tommy-Paw, heard a man say that
Mr.. Watts was self-made man. What is