The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1893-08-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Garden truck-The wheel-barrow. -
Truth.
A believer in cold water-The ice-
man. Truth.
The zebra is the most uncomfortable
of all animals-except man. Puck.
As rule the giant stands pretty
high in the show business. Buffalo
Courier.
The Arab never leaves his home.
He always takes it with him. .-Bing-
hamton Leader.
The greatest dead-head scheme ever
devised-the Chinese deportation pro-
iect t--Philadelphia Call.
did Smiggs marry his wife for her
money!" 'No, it was for her fathers" "
Chicago Inter-Ocean
'Friend-"Well. Psleuth, how is
the detective business?" Old Psleuth
-'Looking up,"-Chicago Tribune.
ItiF n wise man who keepeth his
own counsel Yes, but a wiser one
who can sell it like a lawyer. Truth.
1t is unquestionably true that some
of the greatest diplomats of the age
are lightAing-rod agents. - Detroit
Free Press.
The trApeze performers business is
precarious at best He should always
have some good thing to fall back on"
Troy Press.
A man is always more truthful in
his opinion of his second baby than of
his first. Women call it more brutal.
-Atchison Globe.
No longer wen wait
They are here in their glory,
The flsherman's bait
And the sea-serpent story.
Washington Star
"Colonel Bloodygeld's old war traits
still cling to him" Chow SOP" 81
dined with him last night, and he gave
the waiter no quarter. Philadelphia
Record.
Droptin--''How'd You happek to
call your paper the Sum-" The Editor
ct was started principally to make
things hot for a few people. Buffalo
Courier.
''Who are those girls playing four
handed pieces on the piano." Zone
of them is the daughter of the hostess"
"And her accomplice ?"- Fiegende
Blaetter.
"Well" |" said the philosophic fisher
man, as he drew his line ont of the
water, 81 lost the fish, but I suppose
am entitled to Are-bait. Washing
ton Star.
Old Lady (anxiously)-"Does this
train stop at Liverpool?" Guard
"Well, if it don't, ma'am, you will see
the biggest smash-up you ever heard
of. Tit Bits.
"Oholly, dear boy, don't you think
you are taking cold here" "Oh, no
my man always attends to those things
for me very clevah fellow he is. -
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
"Have you received any pie yet?"
said one officeseeIer to another. mo,
but I've received provisions of another
sort" "What sort? ?" "Cold shoul-
der. Pittsburg Chronicle Telegram.
We went out fishing yesterday,
And iished with care and thought
By night we had a splendid mess
Which some one else had caught
Kansas City Journal.
Vickars--''Did you hear what
Thompson said about you? He told
me that you were the biggest ass he
had ever met" Wickars-' told
you that2 You?"-Indianepolis Jour
nal.
The young melodramatist, telling
the story of his play to the manager,
said: ''As the robbers crawl in at the
window the clock strikes one. Man
ager--"Good Which one? Boston
Globe.
"Squibbs is perfectly foolish about
the safety of his baby, isn't hep"
"Why do you think sop "Well,
every time the nurse takes the baby
out for an airing there Is policeman
with her. Amusing journal.
Spencer ''There is only one way of
getting ahead of a life insurance
company, and that is TO die" Fer
guson-"No, there is one other way"
Spencer-"What's that?" Ferguson
Don't insure. Brooklyn Life
Papa-"So you let the Maxberry girl
get away with all the class honors, Ell?
/ am almost ashamed OF you!" Sweet
Girl Graduate well, il l were as
homely as she is ! should have gone
in Tor that sort of thing myself IN
dianRpolis journal.